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diff --git a/old/325-8.txt b/old/325-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5de16f4 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/325-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7392 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Phantastes, by George MacDonald + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Phantastes + A Faerie Romance for Men and Women + +Author: George MacDonald + +Release Date: July 8, 2008 [EBook #325] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: iso-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PHANTASTES *** + + + + +Produced by Mike Lough + + + + + +PHANTASTES + +A FAERIE ROMANCE FOR MEN AND WOMEN + + +By George Macdonald + + +A new Edition, with thirty-three new Illustrations by Arthur Hughes; +edited by Greville MacDonald + + + "In good sooth, my masters, this is no door. + Yet is it a little window, that looketh upon a great world." + + + +LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS + + THE MEETING OF SIR GALAHAD AND SIX PERCIVALE + SUDDENLY THERE STOOD ON THE THRESHOLD A TINY WOMAN-FORM + THE BRANCHES AND LEAVES ON THE CURTAINS OF MY BED WERE IN MOTION + I SAW A COUNTRY MAIDEN COMING TOWARDS ME + TAILPIECE TO CHAPTER III + HEADPIECE TO CHAPTER IV + TWO LARGE SOFT ARMS WERE THROWN AROUND ME FROM BEHIND + I GAZED AFTER HER IN A KIND OF DESPAIR + I FOUND MYSELF IN A LITTLE CAVE + THE ASH SHUDDERED AND GROANED + TAILPIECE TO CHAPTER VI + I COULD HARDLY BELIEVE THAT THERE WAS A FAIRY LAND + I DID NOT BELIEVE IN FAIRY LAND + A RUNNER WITH GHOSTLY FEET + THE MAIDEN CAME ALONG, SINGING AND DANCING,HAPPY AS A CHILD + THE GOBLINS PERFORMED THE MOST ANTIC HOMAGE + THE FAIRY PALACE IN THE MOONLIGHT + TOO DAZZLING FOR EARTHLY EYES + IN THE WOODS AND ALONG THE RIVER BANKS DO THE MAIDENS GO LOOKING + FOR CHILDREN + SHE LAY WITH CLOSED EYES, WHENCE TWO TEARS WERE FAST WELLING + HEADPIECE TO CHAPTER XIV + I SPRANG TO HER, AND LAID MY HAND ON THE HARP + A WHITE FIGURE GLEAMED PAST ME, WRINGING HER HANDS + THEY ALL RUSHED UPON ME, AND HELD ME TIGHT + A WINTRY SEA, BARE, AND WASTE, AND GRAY + SHOW ME THE CHILD THOU CALLEST MINE + THE TIME PASSED AWAY IN WORK AND SONG + HEADPIECE TO CHAPTER XXI + WE REACHED THE PALACE OF THE KING + I SAW, LEANING AGAINST THE TREE, A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN + FASTENED TO THE SADDLE, WAS THE BODY OF A GREAT DRAGON + I WAS DEAD, AND RIGHT CONTENT + A VALLEY LAY BENEATH ME + + + + +PREFACE + +For offering this new edition of my father's Phantastes, my reasons +are three. The first is to rescue the work from an edition illustrated +without the author's sanction, and so unsuitably that all lovers of the +book must have experienced some real grief in turning its pages. With +the copyright I secured also the whole of that edition and turned it +into pulp. + +My second reason is to pay a small tribute to my father by way of +personal gratitude for this, his first prose work, which was published +nearly fifty years ago. Though unknown to many lovers of his greater +writings, none of these has exceeded it in imaginative insight and power +of expression. To me it rings with the dominant chord of his life's +purpose and work. + +My third reason is that wider knowledge and love of the book should +be made possible. To this end I have been most happy in the help of my +father's old friend, who has illustrated the book. I know of no other +living artist who is capable of portraying the spirit of Phantastes; +and every reader of this edition will, I believe, feel that the +illustrations are a part of the romance, and will gain through them +some perception of the brotherhood between George MacDonald and Arthur +Hughes. + +GREVILLE MACDONALD. + +September 1905. + + + + + +PHANTASTES A FAERIE ROMANCE + + + "Phantastes from 'their fount all shapes deriving, + In new habiliments can quickly dight." + FLETCHER'S Purple Island + + + Es lassen sich Erzählungen ohne Zusammenhang, jedoch mit + Association, wie Träume, denken; Gedichte, die bloss + wohlklingend und voll schöner Worte sind, aber auch ohne + allen Sinn und Zusammenhang, höchstens einzelne Strophen + verständlich, wie Bruchstücke aus den verschiedenartigsten + Dingen. Diese wahre Poesie kann höchstens einen + allegorischen Sinn in Grossen, und eine indirecte Wirkung, + wie Musik, haben. Darum ist die Natur so rein poetisch, wie + die Stube eines Zauberers, eines Physikers, eine + Kinderstube, eine Polter- und Vorrathskammer. + + Ein Märchen ist wie ein Traumbild ohne Zusammenhang. Ein + Ensemble wunderbarer Dinge und Begebenheiten, z. B. eine + musikalische Phantasie, die harmonischen Folgen einer + Aeolsharfe, die Natur selbst... + + In einem echten Märchen muss alles wunderbar, geheimnissvoll + und zusammenhängend sein; alles belebt, jeder auf eine + andere Art. Die ganze Natur muss wunderlich mit der ganzen + Geisterwelt gemischt sein; hier tritt die Zeit der Anarchie, + der Gesetzlosigkeit, Freiheit, der Naturstand der Natur, die + Zeit von der Welt ein . . . Die Welt des Märchens ist die, + der Welt der Wahrheit durchaus entgegengesetzte, und eben + darum ihr so durchaus ähnlich, wie das Chaos der vollendeten + Schöpfung ähnlich ist.--NOVALIS. + + + + + +CHAPTER I + + "A spirit . . . + . . . . . . + The undulating and silent well, + And rippling rivulet, and evening gloom, + Now deepening the dark shades, for speech assuming, + Held commune with him; as if he and it + Were all that was." + SHELLEY'S Alastor. + + +I awoke one morning with the usual perplexity of mind which accompanies +the return of consciousness. As I lay and looked through the eastern +window of my room, a faint streak of peach-colour, dividing a cloud that +just rose above the low swell of the horizon, announced the approach of +the sun. As my thoughts, which a deep and apparently dreamless sleep had +dissolved, began again to assume crystalline forms, the strange events +of the foregoing night presented themselves anew to my wondering +consciousness. The day before had been my one-and-twentieth birthday. +Among other ceremonies investing me with my legal rights, the keys of an +old secretary, in which my father had kept his private papers, had been +delivered up to me. As soon as I was left alone, I ordered lights in the +chamber where the secretary stood, the first lights that had been there +for many a year; for, since my father's death, the room had been left +undisturbed. But, as if the darkness had been too long an inmate to +be easily expelled, and had dyed with blackness the walls to which, +bat-like, it had clung, these tapers served but ill to light up the +gloomy hangings, and seemed to throw yet darker shadows into the hollows +of the deep-wrought cornice. All the further portions of the room lay +shrouded in a mystery whose deepest folds were gathered around the dark +oak cabinet which I now approached with a strange mingling of reverence +and curiosity. Perhaps, like a geologist, I was about to turn up to +the light some of the buried strata of the human world, with its fossil +remains charred by passion and petrified by tears. Perhaps I was to +learn how my father, whose personal history was unknown to me, had woven +his web of story; how he had found the world, and how the world had left +him. Perhaps I was to find only the records of lands and moneys, how +gotten and how secured; coming down from strange men, and through +troublous times, to me, who knew little or nothing of them all. To solve +my speculations, and to dispel the awe which was fast gathering around +me as if the dead were drawing near, I approached the secretary; and +having found the key that fitted the upper portion, I opened it with +some difficulty, drew near it a heavy high-backed chair, and sat down +before a multitude of little drawers and slides and pigeon-holes. But +the door of a little cupboard in the centre especially attracted my +interest, as if there lay the secret of this long-hidden world. Its key +I found. + +One of the rusty hinges cracked and broke as I opened the door: it +revealed a number of small pigeon-holes. These, however, being but +shallow compared with the depth of those around the little cupboard, the +outer ones reaching to the back of the desk, I concluded that there +must be some accessible space behind; and found, indeed, that they were +formed in a separate framework, which admitted of the whole being pulled +out in one piece. Behind, I found a sort of flexible portcullis of small +bars of wood laid close together horizontally. After long search, and +trying many ways to move it, I discovered at last a scarcely projecting +point of steel on one side. I pressed this repeatedly and hard with +the point of an old tool that was lying near, till at length it +yielded inwards; and the little slide, flying up suddenly, disclosed a +chamber--empty, except that in one corner lay a little heap of withered +rose-leaves, whose long-lived scent had long since departed; and, in +another, a small packet of papers, tied with a bit of ribbon, whose +colour had gone with the rose-scent. Almost fearing to touch them, they +witnessed so mutely to the law of oblivion, I leaned back in my chair, +and regarded them for a moment; when suddenly there stood on the +threshold of the little chamber, as though she had just emerged from its +depth, a tiny woman-form, as perfect in shape as if she had been a small +Greek statuette roused to life and motion. Her dress was of a kind that +could never grow old-fashioned, because it was simply natural: a robe +plaited in a band around the neck, and confined by a belt about the +waist, descended to her feet. It was only afterwards, however, that I +took notice of her dress, although my surprise was by no means of so +overpowering a degree as such an apparition might naturally be expected +to excite. Seeing, however, as I suppose, some astonishment in my +countenance, she came forward within a yard of me, and said, in a voice +that strangely recalled a sensation of twilight, and reedy river banks, +and a low wind, even in this deathly room:-- + +"Anodos, you never saw such a little creature before, did you?" + +"No," said I; "and indeed I hardly believe I do now." + +"Ah! that is always the way with you men; you believe nothing the first +time; and it is foolish enough to let mere repetition convince you of +what you consider in itself unbelievable. I am not going to argue with +you, however, but to grant you a wish." + + Here I could not help interrupting her with the foolish speech, +of which, however, I had no cause to repent-- + +"How can such a very little creature as you grant or refuse anything?" + +"Is that all the philosophy you have gained in one-and-twenty years?" +said she. "Form is much, but size is nothing. It is a mere matter of +relation. I suppose your six-foot lordship does not feel altogether +insignificant, though to others you do look small beside your old Uncle +Ralph, who rises above you a great half-foot at least. But size is of so +little consequence with old me, that I may as well accommodate myself to +your foolish prejudices." + +So saying, she leapt from the desk upon the floor, where she stood a +tall, gracious lady, with pale face and large blue eyes. Her dark hair +flowed behind, wavy but uncurled, down to her waist, and against it her +form stood clear in its robe of white. + +"Now," said she, "you will believe me." + +Overcome with the presence of a beauty which I could now perceive, and +drawn towards her by an attraction irresistible as incomprehensible, I +suppose I stretched out my arms towards her, for she drew back a step or +two, and said-- + +"Foolish boy, if you could touch me, I should hurt you. Besides, I was +two hundred and thirty-seven years old, last Midsummer eve; and a man +must not fall in love with his grandmother, you know." + +"But you are not my grandmother," said I. + +"How do you know that?" she retorted. "I dare say you know something of +your great-grandfathers a good deal further back than that; but you know +very little about your great-grandmothers on either side. Now, to the +point. Your little sister was reading a fairy-tale to you last night." + +"She was." + +"When she had finished, she said, as she closed the book, 'Is there a +fairy-country, brother?' You replied with a sigh, 'I suppose there is, +if one could find the way into it.'" + +"I did; but I meant something quite different from what you seem to +think." + +"Never mind what I seem to think. You shall find the way into Fairy Land +to-morrow. Now look in my eyes." + +Eagerly I did so. They filled me with an unknown longing. I remembered +somehow that my mother died when I was a baby. I looked deeper and +deeper, till they spread around me like seas, and I sank in their +waters. I forgot all the rest, till I found myself at the window, whose +gloomy curtains were withdrawn, and where I stood gazing on a whole +heaven of stars, small and sparkling in the moonlight. Below lay a sea, +still as death and hoary in the moon, sweeping into bays and around +capes and islands, away, away, I knew not whither. Alas! it was no +sea, but a low bog burnished by the moon. "Surely there is such a sea +somewhere!" said I to myself. A low sweet voice beside me replied-- + +"In Fairy Land, Anodos." + +I turned, but saw no one. I closed the secretary, and went to my own +room, and to bed. + +All this I recalled as I lay with half-closed eyes. I was soon to find +the truth of the lady's promise, that this day I should discover the +road into Fairy Land. + + + + + +CHAPTER II + + "'Where is the stream?' cried he, with tears. 'Seest thou + its not in blue waves above us?' He looked up, and lo! the + blue stream was flowing gently over their heads." + --NOVALIS, Heinrich von Ofterdingen. + +While these strange events were passing through my mind, I suddenly, as +one awakes to the consciousness that the sea has been moaning by him for +hours, or that the storm has been howling about his window all night, +became aware of the sound of running water near me; and, looking out of +bed, I saw that a large green marble basin, in which I was wont to wash, +and which stood on a low pedestal of the same material in a corner of +my room, was overflowing like a spring; and that a stream of clear water +was running over the carpet, all the length of the room, finding its +outlet I knew not where. And, stranger still, where this carpet, which +I had myself designed to imitate a field of grass and daisies, bordered +the course of the little stream, the grass-blades and daisies seemed to +wave in a tiny breeze that followed the water's flow; while under the +rivulet they bent and swayed with every motion of the changeful current, +as if they were about to dissolve with it, and, forsaking their fixed +form, become fluent as the waters. + +My dressing-table was an old-fashioned piece of furniture of black +oak, with drawers all down the front. These were elaborately carved +in foliage, of which ivy formed the chief part. The nearer end of this +table remained just as it had been, but on the further end a singular +change had commenced. I happened to fix my eye on a little cluster of +ivy-leaves. The first of these was evidently the work of the carver; the +next looked curious; the third was unmistakable ivy; and just beyond it +a tendril of clematis had twined itself about the gilt handle of one of +the drawers. Hearing next a slight motion above me, I looked up, and saw +that the branches and leaves designed upon the curtains of my bed were +slightly in motion. Not knowing what change might follow next, I thought +it high time to get up; and, springing from the bed, my bare feet +alighted upon a cool green sward; and although I dressed in all haste, +I found myself completing my toilet under the boughs of a great +tree, whose top waved in the golden stream of the sunrise with many +interchanging lights, and with shadows of leaf and branch gliding over +leaf and branch, as the cool morning wind swung it to and fro, like a +sinking sea-wave. + +After washing as well as I could in the clear stream, I rose and looked +around me. The tree under which I seemed to have lain all night was one +of the advanced guard of a dense forest, towards which the rivulet ran. +Faint traces of a footpath, much overgrown with grass and moss, and with +here and there a pimpernel even, were discernible along the right bank. +"This," thought I, "must surely be the path into Fairy Land, which +the lady of last night promised I should so soon find." I crossed the +rivulet, and accompanied it, keeping the footpath on its right bank, +until it led me, as I expected, into the wood. Here I left it, without +any good reason: and with a vague feeling that I ought to have followed +its course, I took a more southerly direction. + + + + + +CHAPTER III + + "Man doth usurp all space, + Stares thee, in rock, bush, river, in + the face. + Never thine eyes behold a tree; + 'Tis no sea thou seest in the sea, + 'Tis but a disguised humanity. + To avoid thy fellow, vain thy plan; + All that interests a man, is man." + HENRY SUTTON. + +The trees, which were far apart where I entered, giving free passage +to the level rays of the sun, closed rapidly as I advanced, so that ere +long their crowded stems barred the sunlight out, forming as it were a +thick grating between me and the East. I seemed to be advancing towards +a second midnight. In the midst of the intervening twilight, however, +before I entered what appeared to be the darkest portion of the forest, +I saw a country maiden coming towards me from its very depths. She did +not seem to observe me, for she was apparently intent upon a bunch of +wild flowers which she carried in her hand. I could hardly see her face; +for, though she came direct towards me, she never looked up. But when we +met, instead of passing, she turned and walked alongside of me for a few +yards, still keeping her face downwards, and busied with her flowers. +She spoke rapidly, however, all the time, in a low tone, as if talking +to herself, but evidently addressing the purport of her words to me. + +She seemed afraid of being observed by some lurking foe. "Trust the +Oak," said she; "trust the Oak, and the Elm, and the great Beech. Take +care of the Birch, for though she is honest, she is too young not to be +changeable. But shun the Ash and the Alder; for the Ash is an ogre,--you +will know him by his thick fingers; and the Alder will smother you with +her web of hair, if you let her near you at night." All this was uttered +without pause or alteration of tone. Then she turned suddenly and left +me, walking still with the same unchanging gait. I could not conjecture +what she meant, but satisfied myself with thinking that it would be time +enough to find out her meaning when there was need to make use of her +warning, and that the occasion would reveal the admonition. I concluded +from the flowers that she carried, that the forest could not be +everywhere so dense as it appeared from where I was now walking; and I +was right in this conclusion. For soon I came to a more open part, and +by-and-by crossed a wide grassy glade, on which were several circles of +brighter green. But even here I was struck with the utter stillness. No +bird sang. No insect hummed. Not a living creature crossed my way. Yet +somehow the whole environment seemed only asleep, and to wear even in +sleep an air of expectation. The trees seemed all to have an expression +of conscious mystery, as if they said to themselves, "we could, an' if +we would." They had all a meaning look about them. Then I remembered +that night is the fairies' day, and the moon their sun; and I +thought--Everything sleeps and dreams now: when the night comes, it will +be different. At the same time I, being a man and a child of the day, +felt some anxiety as to how I should fare among the elves and other +children of the night who wake when mortals dream, and find their common +life in those wondrous hours that flow noiselessly over the moveless +death-like forms of men and women and children, lying strewn and parted +beneath the weight of the heavy waves of night, which flow on and beat +them down, and hold them drowned and senseless, until the ebbtide comes, +and the waves sink away, back into the ocean of the dark. But I took +courage and went on. Soon, however, I became again anxious, though from +another cause. I had eaten nothing that day, and for an hour past had +been feeling the want of food. So I grew afraid lest I should find +nothing to meet my human necessities in this strange place; but once +more I comforted myself with hope and went on. + +Before noon, I fancied I saw a thin blue smoke rising amongst the stems +of larger trees in front of me; and soon I came to an open spot of +ground in which stood a little cottage, so built that the stems of four +great trees formed its corners, while their branches met and intertwined +over its roof, heaping a great cloud of leaves over it, up towards the +heavens. I wondered at finding a human dwelling in this neighbourhood; +and yet it did not look altogether human, though sufficiently so to +encourage me to expect to find some sort of food. Seeing no door, I went +round to the other side, and there I found one, wide open. A woman sat +beside it, preparing some vegetables for dinner. This was homely and +comforting. As I came near, she looked up, and seeing me, showed no +surprise, but bent her head again over her work, and said in a low tone: + +"Did you see my daughter?" + +"I believe I did," said I. "Can you give me something to eat, for I am +very hungry?" "With pleasure," she replied, in the same tone; "but do +not say anything more, till you come into the house, for the Ash is +watching us." + +Having said this, she rose and led the way into the cottage; which, I +now saw, was built of the stems of small trees set closely together, and +was furnished with rough chairs and tables, from which even the bark had +not been removed. As soon as she had shut the door and set a chair-- + +"You have fairy blood in you," said she, looking hard at me. + +"How do you know that?" + +"You could not have got so far into this wood if it were not so; and I +am trying to find out some trace of it in your countenance. I think I +see it." + +"What do you see?" + +"Oh, never mind: I may be mistaken in that." + +"But how then do you come to live here?" + +"Because I too have fairy blood in me." + +Here I, in my turn, looked hard at her, and thought I could perceive, +notwithstanding the coarseness of her features, and especially the +heaviness of her eyebrows, a something unusual--I could hardly call it +grace, and yet it was an expression that strangely contrasted with +the form of her features. I noticed too that her hands were delicately +formed, though brown with work and exposure. + +"I should be ill," she continued, "if I did not live on the borders of +the fairies' country, and now and then eat of their food. And I see by +your eyes that you are not quite free of the same need; though, from +your education and the activity of your mind, you have felt it less than +I. You may be further removed too from the fairy race." + +I remembered what the lady had said about my grandmothers. + +Here she placed some bread and some milk before me, with a kindly +apology for the homeliness of the fare, with which, however, I was in no +humour to quarrel. I now thought it time to try to get some explanation +of the strange words both of her daughter and herself. + +"What did you mean by speaking so about the Ash?" + +She rose and looked out of the little window. My eyes followed her; but +as the window was too small to allow anything to be seen from where I +was sitting, I rose and looked over her shoulder. I had just time to +see, across the open space, on the edge of the denser forest, a single +large ash-tree, whose foliage showed bluish, amidst the truer green of +the other trees around it; when she pushed me back with an expression +of impatience and terror, and then almost shut out the light from the +window by setting up a large old book in it. + +"In general," said she, recovering her composure, "there is no danger in +the daytime, for then he is sound asleep; but there is something unusual +going on in the woods; there must be some solemnity among the fairies +to-night, for all the trees are restless, and although they cannot come +awake, they see and hear in their sleep." + +"But what danger is to be dreaded from him?" + +Instead of answering the question, she went again to the window and +looked out, saying she feared the fairies would be interrupted by foul +weather, for a storm was brewing in the west. + +"And the sooner it grows dark, the sooner the Ash will be awake," added +she. + +I asked her how she knew that there was any unusual excitement in the +woods. She replied-- + +"Besides the look of the trees, the dog there is unhappy; and the eyes +and ears of the white rabbit are redder than usual, and he frisks about +as if he expected some fun. If the cat were at home, she would have +her back up; for the young fairies pull the sparks out of her tail with +bramble thorns, and she knows when they are coming. So do I, in another +way." + + At this instant, a grey cat rushed in like a demon, and +disappeared in a hole in the wall. + +"There, I told you!" said the woman. + + "But what of the ash-tree?" said I, returning once more to the +subject. Here, however, the young woman, whom I had met in the morning, +entered. A smile passed between the mother and daughter; and then the +latter began to help her mother in little household duties. + +"I should like to stay here till the evening," I said; "and then go on +my journey, if you will allow me." + +"You are welcome to do as you please; only it might be better to stay +all night, than risk the dangers of the wood then. Where are you going?" + +"Nay, that I do not know," I replied, "but I wish to see all that is to +be seen, and therefore I should like to start just at sundown." "You are +a bold youth, if you have any idea of what you are daring; but a rash +one, if you know nothing about it; and, excuse me, you do not seem very +well informed about the country and its manners. However, no one comes +here but for some reason, either known to himself or to those who have +charge of him; so you shall do just as you wish." + +Accordingly I sat down, and feeling rather tired, and disinclined for +further talk, I asked leave to look at the old book which still screened +the window. The woman brought it to me directly, but not before taking +another look towards the forest, and then drawing a white blind over +the window. I sat down opposite to it by the table, on which I laid the +great old volume, and read. It contained many wondrous tales of Fairy +Land, and olden times, and the Knights of King Arthur's table. I read +on and on, till the shades of the afternoon began to deepen; for in +the midst of the forest it gloomed earlier than in the open country. At +length I came to this passage-- + +"Here it chanced, that upon their quest, Sir Galahad and Sir Percivale +rencountered in the depths of a great forest. Now, Sir Galahad was dight +all in harness of silver, clear and shining; the which is a delight +to look upon, but full hasty to tarnish, and withouten the labour of a +ready squire, uneath to be kept fair and clean. And yet withouten squire +or page, Sir Galahad's armour shone like the moon. And he rode a great +white mare, whose bases and other housings were black, but all besprent +with fair lilys of silver sheen. Whereas Sir Percivale bestrode a red +horse, with a tawny mane and tail; whose trappings were all to-smirched +with mud and mire; and his armour was wondrous rosty to behold, ne could +he by any art furbish it again; so that as the sun in his going down +shone twixt the bare trunks of the trees, full upon the knights twain, +the one did seem all shining with light, and the other all to glow with +ruddy fire. Now it came about in this wise. For Sir Percivale, after his +escape from the demon lady, whenas the cross on the handle of his sword +smote him to the heart, and he rove himself through the thigh, and +escaped away, he came to a great wood; and, in nowise cured of his +fault, yet bemoaning the same, the damosel of the alder tree encountered +him, right fair to see; and with her fair words and false countenance +she comforted him and beguiled him, until he followed her where she led +him to a---" + +Here a low hurried cry from my hostess caused me to look up from the +book, and I read no more. + +"Look there!" she said; "look at his fingers!" + +Just as I had been reading in the book, the setting sun was shining +through a cleft in the clouds piled up in the west; and a shadow as of a +large distorted hand, with thick knobs and humps on the fingers, so that +it was much wider across the fingers than across the undivided part +of the hand, passed slowly over the little blind, and then as slowly +returned in the opposite direction. + +"He is almost awake, mother; and greedier than usual to-night." + +"Hush, child; you need not make him more angry with us than he is; for +you do not know how soon something may happen to oblige us to be in the +forest after nightfall." + +"But you are in the forest," said I; "how is it that you are safe here?" + +"He dares not come nearer than he is now," she replied; "for any of +those four oaks, at the corners of our cottage, would tear him to +pieces; they are our friends. But he stands there and makes awful faces +at us sometimes, and stretches out his long arms and fingers, and tries +to kill us with fright; for, indeed, that is his favourite way of doing. +Pray, keep out of his way to-night." + +"Shall I be able to see these things?" said I. + +"That I cannot tell yet, not knowing how much of the fairy nature there +is in you. But we shall soon see whether you can discern the fairies in +my little garden, and that will be some guide to us." + +"Are the trees fairies too, as well as the flowers?" I asked. + +"They are of the same race," she replied; "though those you call fairies +in your country are chiefly the young children of the flower fairies. +They are very fond of having fun with the thick people, as they call +you; for, like most children, they like fun better than anything else." + +"Why do you have flowers so near you then? Do they not annoy you?" + +"Oh, no, they are very amusing, with their mimicries of grown people, +and mock solemnities. Sometimes they will act a whole play through +before my eyes, with perfect composure and assurance, for they are not +afraid of me. Only, as soon as they have done, they burst into peals +of tiny laughter, as if it was such a joke to have been serious over +anything. These I speak of, however, are the fairies of the garden. +They are more staid and educated than those of the fields and woods. +Of course they have near relations amongst the wild flowers, but they +patronise them, and treat them as country cousins, who know nothing +of life, and very little of manners. Now and then, however, they are +compelled to envy the grace and simplicity of the natural flowers." + +"Do they live IN the flowers?" I said. + +"I cannot tell," she replied. "There is something in it I do not +understand. Sometimes they disappear altogether, even from me, though +I know they are near. They seem to die always with the flowers they +resemble, and by whose names they are called; but whether they return to +life with the fresh flowers, or, whether it be new flowers, new fairies, +I cannot tell. They have as many sorts of dispositions as men and women, +while their moods are yet more variable; twenty different expressions +will cross their little faces in half a minute. I often amuse myself +with watching them, but I have never been able to make personal +acquaintance with any of them. If I speak to one, he or she looks up in +my face, as if I were not worth heeding, gives a little laugh, and runs +away." Here the woman started, as if suddenly recollecting herself, and +said in a low voice to her daughter, "Make haste--go and watch him, and +see in what direction he goes." + +I may as well mention here, that the conclusion I arrived at from the +observations I was afterwards able to make, was, that the flowers die +because the fairies go away; not that the fairies disappear because +the flowers die. The flowers seem a sort of houses for them, or outer +bodies, which they can put on or off when they please. Just as you could +form some idea of the nature of a man from the kind of house he built, +if he followed his own taste, so you could, without seeing the fairies, +tell what any one of them is like, by looking at the flower till you +feel that you understand it. For just what the flower says to you, would +the face and form of the fairy say; only so much more plainly as a face +and human figure can express more than a flower. For the house or the +clothes, though like the inhabitant or the wearer, cannot be wrought +into an equal power of utterance. Yet you would see a strange +resemblance, almost oneness, between the flower and the fairy, which you +could not describe, but which described itself to you. Whether all the +flowers have fairies, I cannot determine, any more than I can be sure +whether all men and women have souls. + +The woman and I continued the conversation for a few minutes longer. I +was much interested by the information she gave me, and astonished +at the language in which she was able to convey it. It seemed that +intercourse with the fairies was no bad education in itself. But now the +daughter returned with the news, that the Ash had just gone away in a +south-westerly direction; and, as my course seemed to lie eastward, she +hoped I should be in no danger of meeting him if I departed at once. +I looked out of the little window, and there stood the ash-tree, to my +eyes the same as before; but I believed that they knew better than I +did, and prepared to go. I pulled out my purse, but to my dismay there +was nothing in it. The woman with a smile begged me not to trouble +myself, for money was not of the slightest use there; and as I might +meet with people in my journeys whom I could not recognise to be +fairies, it was well I had no money to offer, for nothing offended them +so much. + +"They would think," she added, "that you were making game of them; and +that is their peculiar privilege with regard to us." So we went together +into the little garden which sloped down towards a lower part of the +wood. + +Here, to my great pleasure, all was life and bustle. There was still +light enough from the day to see a little; and the pale half-moon, +halfway to the zenith, was reviving every moment. The whole garden +was like a carnival, with tiny, gaily decorated forms, in groups, +assemblies, processions, pairs or trios, moving stately on, running +about wildly, or sauntering hither or thither. From the cups or bells of +tall flowers, as from balconies, some looked down on the masses below, +now bursting with laughter, now grave as owls; but even in their deepest +solemnity, seeming only to be waiting for the arrival of the next laugh. +Some were launched on a little marshy stream at the bottom, in boats +chosen from the heaps of last year's leaves that lay about, curled and +withered. These soon sank with them; whereupon they swam ashore and got +others. Those who took fresh rose-leaves for their boats floated the +longest; but for these they had to fight; for the fairy of the rose-tree +complained bitterly that they were stealing her clothes, and defended +her property bravely. + +"You can't wear half you've got," said some. + +"Never you mind; I don't choose you to have them: they are my property." + +"All for the good of the community!" said one, and ran off with a great +hollow leaf. But the rose-fairy sprang after him (what a beauty she was! +only too like a drawing-room young lady), knocked him heels-over-head as +he ran, and recovered her great red leaf. But in the meantime twenty had +hurried off in different directions with others just as good; and the +little creature sat down and cried, and then, in a pet, sent a perfect +pink snowstorm of petals from her tree, leaping from branch to branch, +and stamping and shaking and pulling. At last, after another good cry, +she chose the biggest she could find, and ran away laughing, to launch +her boat amongst the rest. + +But my attention was first and chiefly attracted by a group of fairies +near the cottage, who were talking together around what seemed a +last dying primrose. They talked singing, and their talk made a song, +something like this: + + + + "Sister Snowdrop died + Before we were born." + "She came like a bride + In a snowy morn." + "What's a bride?" + "What is snow? + "Never tried." + "Do not know." + "Who told you about her?" + "Little Primrose there + Cannot do without her." + "Oh, so sweetly fair!" + "Never fear, + She will come, + Primrose dear." + "Is she dumb?" + + "She'll come by-and-by." + "You will never see her." + "She went home to dies, + "Till the new year." + "Snowdrop!" "'Tis no good + To invite her." + "Primrose is very rude, + "I will bite her." + + "Oh, you naughty Pocket! + "Look, she drops her head." + "She deserved it, Rocket, + "And she was nearly dead." + "To your hammock--off with you!" + "And swing alone." + "No one will laugh with you." + "No, not one." + + "Now let us moan." + "And cover her o'er." + "Primrose is gone." + "All but the flower." + "Here is a leaf." + "Lay her upon it." + "Follow in grief." + "Pocket has done it." + + "Deeper, poor creature! + Winter may come." + "He cannot reach her-- + That is a hum." + "She is buried, the beauty!" + "Now she is done." + "That was the duty." + "Now for the fun." + + +And with a wild laugh they sprang away, most of them towards the +cottage. During the latter part of the song-talk, they had formed +themselves into a funeral procession, two of them bearing poor Primrose, +whose death Pocket had hastened by biting her stalk, upon one of her +own great leaves. They bore her solemnly along some distance, and +then buried her under a tree. Although I say HER I saw nothing but +the withered primrose-flower on its long stalk. Pocket, who had been +expelled from the company by common consent, went sulkily away towards +her hammock, for she was the fairy of the calceolaria, and looked rather +wicked. When she reached its stem, she stopped and looked round. I could +not help speaking to her, for I stood near her. I said, "Pocket, how +could you be so naughty?" + +"I am never naughty," she said, half-crossly, half-defiantly; "only if +you come near my hammock, I will bite you, and then you will go away." + +"Why did you bite poor Primrose?" + +"Because she said we should never see Snowdrop; as if we were not good +enough to look at her, and she was, the proud thing!--served her right!" + +"Oh, Pocket, Pocket," said I; but by this time the party which had +gone towards the house, rushed out again, shouting and screaming with +laughter. Half of them were on the cat's back, and half held on by her +fur and tail, or ran beside her; till, more coming to their help, the +furious cat was held fast; and they proceeded to pick the sparks out +of her with thorns and pins, which they handled like harpoons. Indeed, +there were more instruments at work about her than there could have +been sparks in her. One little fellow who held on hard by the tip of +the tail, with his feet planted on the ground at an angle of forty-five +degrees, helping to keep her fast, administered a continuous flow of +admonitions to Pussy. + +"Now, Pussy, be patient. You know quite well it is all for your good. +You cannot be comfortable with all those sparks in you; and, indeed, I +am charitably disposed to believe" (here he became very pompous) "that +they are the cause of all your bad temper; so we must have them all out, +every one; else we shall be reduced to the painful necessity of cutting +your claws, and pulling out your eye-teeth. Quiet! Pussy, quiet!" + +But with a perfect hurricane of feline curses, the poor animal broke +loose, and dashed across the garden and through the hedge, faster than +even the fairies could follow. "Never mind, never mind, we shall find +her again; and by that time she will have laid in a fresh stock of +sparks. Hooray!" And off they set, after some new mischief. + +But I will not linger to enlarge on the amusing display of these +frolicsome creatures. Their manners and habits are now so well known to +the world, having been so often described by eyewitnesses, that it would +be only indulging self-conceit, to add my account in full to the rest. +I cannot help wishing, however, that my readers could see them for +themselves. Especially do I desire that they should see the fairy of the +daisy; a little, chubby, round-eyed child, with such innocent trust in +his look! Even the most mischievous of the fairies would not tease him, +although he did not belong to their set at all, but was quite a little +country bumpkin. He wandered about alone, and looked at everything, with +his hands in his little pockets, and a white night-cap on, the darling! +He was not so beautiful as many other wild flowers I saw afterwards, but +so dear and loving in his looks and little confident ways. + + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + "When bale is att hyest, boote is nyest." + Ballad of Sir Aldingar. + +By this time, my hostess was quite anxious that I should be gone. So, +with warm thanks for their hospitality, I took my leave, and went my way +through the little garden towards the forest. Some of the garden flowers +had wandered into the wood, and were growing here and there along +the path, but the trees soon became too thick and shadowy for them. I +particularly noticed some tall lilies, which grew on both sides of +the way, with large dazzlingly white flowers, set off by the universal +green. It was now dark enough for me to see that every flower was +shining with a light of its own. Indeed it was by this light that I +saw them, an internal, peculiar light, proceeding from each, and not +reflected from a common source of light as in the daytime. This light +sufficed only for the plant itself, and was not strong enough to cast +any but the faintest shadows around it, or to illuminate any of the +neighbouring objects with other than the faintest tinge of its own +individual hue. From the lilies above mentioned, from the campanulas, +from the foxgloves, and every bell-shaped flower, curious little figures +shot up their heads, peeped at me, and drew back. They seemed to inhabit +them, as snails their shells but I was sure some of them were intruders, +and belonged to the gnomes or goblin-fairies, who inhabit the ground +and earthy creeping plants. From the cups of Arum lilies, creatures with +great heads and grotesque faces shot up like Jack-in-the-box, and made +grimaces at me; or rose slowly and slily over the edge of the cup, +and spouted water at me, slipping suddenly back, like those little +soldier-crabs that inhabit the shells of sea-snails. Passing a row of +tall thistles, I saw them crowded with little faces, which peeped every +one from behind its flower, and drew back as quickly; and I heard them +saying to each other, evidently intending me to hear, but the speaker +always hiding behind his tuft, when I looked in his direction, "Look at +him! Look at him! He has begun a story without a beginning, and it will +never have any end. He! he! he! Look at him!" + +But as I went further into the wood, these sights and sounds became +fewer, giving way to others of a different character. A little forest +of wild hyacinths was alive with exquisite creatures, who stood nearly +motionless, with drooping necks, holding each by the stem of her flower, +and swaying gently with it, whenever a low breath of wind swung the +crowded floral belfry. In like manner, though differing of course +in form and meaning, stood a group of harebells, like little angels +waiting, ready, till they were wanted to go on some yet unknown message. +In darker nooks, by the mossy roots of the trees, or in little tufts +of grass, each dwelling in a globe of its own green light, weaving a +network of grass and its shadows, glowed the glowworms. + +They were just like the glowworms of our own land, for they are fairies +everywhere; worms in the day, and glowworms at night, when their own can +appear, and they can be themselves to others as well as themselves. +But they had their enemies here. For I saw great strong-armed beetles, +hurrying about with most unwieldy haste, awkward as elephant-calves, +looking apparently for glowworms; for the moment a beetle espied one, +through what to it was a forest of grass, or an underwood of moss, it +pounced upon it, and bore it away, in spite of its feeble resistance. +Wondering what their object could be, I watched one of the beetles, +and then I discovered a thing I could not account for. But it is no use +trying to account for things in Fairy Land; and one who travels there +soon learns to forget the very idea of doing so, and takes everything as +it comes; like a child, who, being in a chronic condition of wonder, is +surprised at nothing. What I saw was this. Everywhere, here and there +over the ground, lay little, dark-looking lumps of something more like +earth than anything else, and about the size of a chestnut. The beetles +hunted in couples for these; and having found one, one of them stayed +to watch it, while the other hurried to find a glowworm. By signals, I +presume, between them, the latter soon found his companion again: they +then took the glowworm and held its luminous tail to the dark earthly +pellet; when lo, it shot up into the air like a sky-rocket, seldom, +however, reaching the height of the highest tree. Just like a rocket +too, it burst in the air, and fell in a shower of the most gorgeously +coloured sparks of every variety of hue; golden and red, and purple and +green, and blue and rosy fires crossed and inter-crossed each other, +beneath the shadowy heads, and between the columnar stems of the forest +trees. They never used the same glowworm twice, I observed; but let him +go, apparently uninjured by the use they had made of him. + +In other parts, the whole of the immediately surrounding foliage was +illuminated by the interwoven dances in the air of splendidly coloured +fire-flies, which sped hither and thither, turned, twisted, crossed, and +recrossed, entwining every complexity of intervolved motion. Here and +there, whole mighty trees glowed with an emitted phosphorescent light. +You could trace the very course of the great roots in the earth by the +faint light that came through; and every twig, and every vein on every +leaf was a streak of pale fire. + +All this time, as I went through the wood, I was haunted with the +feeling that other shapes, more like my own size and mien, were moving +about at a little distance on all sides of me. But as yet I could +discern none of them, although the moon was high enough to send a great +many of her rays down between the trees, and these rays were unusually +bright, and sight-giving, notwithstanding she was only a half-moon. I +constantly imagined, however, that forms were visible in all directions +except that to which my gaze was turned; and that they only became +invisible, or resolved themselves into other woodland shapes, the moment +my looks were directed towards them. However this may have been, except +for this feeling of presence, the woods seemed utterly bare of anything +like human companionship, although my glance often fell on some object +which I fancied to be a human form; for I soon found that I was quite +deceived; as, the moment I fixed my regard on it, it showed plainly that +it was a bush, or a tree, or a rock. + +Soon a vague sense of discomfort possessed me. With variations of +relief, this gradually increased; as if some evil thing were wandering +about in my neighbourhood, sometimes nearer and sometimes further off, +but still approaching. The feeling continued and deepened, until all my +pleasure in the shows of various kinds that everywhere betokened the +presence of the merry fairies vanished by degrees, and left me full +of anxiety and fear, which I was unable to associate with any definite +object whatever. At length the thought crossed my mind with horror: "Can +it be possible that the Ash is looking for me? or that, in his nightly +wanderings, his path is gradually verging towards mine?" I comforted +myself, however, by remembering that he had started quite in another +direction; one that would lead him, if he kept it, far apart from me; +especially as, for the last two or three hours, I had been diligently +journeying eastward. I kept on my way, therefore, striving by direct +effort of the will against the encroaching fear; and to this end +occupying my mind, as much as I could, with other thoughts. I was so far +successful that, although I was conscious, if I yielded for a moment, I +should be almost overwhelmed with horror, I was yet able to walk right +on for an hour or more. What I feared I could not tell. Indeed, I was +left in a state of the vaguest uncertainty as regarded the nature of my +enemy, and knew not the mode or object of his attacks; for, somehow or +other, none of my questions had succeeded in drawing a definite answer +from the dame in the cottage. How then to defend myself I knew not; nor +even by what sign I might with certainty recognise the presence of my +foe; for as yet this vague though powerful fear was all the indication +of danger I had. To add to my distress, the clouds in the west had risen +nearly to the top of the skies, and they and the moon were travelling +slowly towards each other. Indeed, some of their advanced guard had +already met her, and she had begun to wade through a filmy vapour that +gradually deepened. + +At length she was for a moment almost entirely obscured. When she shone +out again, with a brilliancy increased by the contrast, I saw plainly +on the path before me--from around which at this spot the trees receded, +leaving a small space of green sward--the shadow of a large hand, with +knotty joints and protuberances here and there. Especially I remarked, +even in the midst of my fear, the bulbous points of the fingers. I +looked hurriedly all around, but could see nothing from which such +a shadow should fall. Now, however, that I had a direction, however +undetermined, in which to project my apprehension, the very sense of +danger and need of action overcame that stifling which is the worst +property of fear. I reflected in a moment, that if this were indeed a +shadow, it was useless to look for the object that cast it in any other +direction than between the shadow and the moon. I looked, and peered, +and intensified my vision, all to no purpose. I could see nothing of +that kind, not even an ash-tree in the neighbourhood. Still the shadow +remained; not steady, but moving to and fro, and once I saw the fingers +close, and grind themselves close, like the claws of a wild animal, as +if in uncontrollable longing for some anticipated prey. There seemed +but one mode left of discovering the substance of this shadow. I went +forward boldly, though with an inward shudder which I would not heed, to +the spot where the shadow lay, threw myself on the ground, laid my head +within the form of the hand, and turned my eyes towards the moon Good +heavens! what did I see? I wonder that ever I arose, and that the very +shadow of the hand did not hold me where I lay until fear had frozen my +brain. I saw the strangest figure; vague, shadowy, almost transparent, +in the central parts, and gradually deepening in substance towards the +outside, until it ended in extremities capable of casting such a shadow +as fell from the hand, through the awful fingers of which I now saw the +moon. The hand was uplifted in the attitude of a paw about to strike +its prey. But the face, which throbbed with fluctuating and pulsatory +visibility--not from changes in the light it reflected, but from changes +in its own conditions of reflecting power, the alterations being from +within, not from without--it was horrible. I do not know how to describe +it. It caused a new sensation. Just as one cannot translate a horrible +odour, or a ghastly pain, or a fearful sound, into words, so I cannot +describe this new form of awful hideousness. I can only try to describe +something that is not it, but seems somewhat parallel to it; or at least +is suggested by it. It reminded me of what I had heard of vampires; for +the face resembled that of a corpse more than anything else I can +think of; especially when I can conceive such a face in motion, but +not suggesting any life as the source of the motion. The features were +rather handsome than otherwise, except the mouth, which had scarcely a +curve in it. The lips were of equal thickness; but the thickness was +not at all remarkable, even although they looked slightly swollen. They +seemed fixedly open, but were not wide apart. Of course I did not REMARK +these lineaments at the time: I was too horrified for that. I noted them +afterwards, when the form returned on my inward sight with a vividness +too intense to admit of my doubting the accuracy of the reflex. But the +most awful of the features were the eyes. These were alive, yet not with +life. + +They seemed lighted up with an infinite greed. A gnawing voracity, which +devoured the devourer, seemed to be the indwelling and propelling power +of the whole ghostly apparition. I lay for a few moments simply imbruted +with terror; when another cloud, obscuring the moon, delivered me from +the immediately paralysing effects of the presence to the vision of the +object of horror, while it added the force of imagination to the power +of fear within me; inasmuch as, knowing far worse cause for apprehension +than before, I remained equally ignorant from what I had to defend +myself, or how to take any precautions: he might be upon me in the +darkness any moment. I sprang to my feet, and sped I knew not whither, +only away from the spectre. I thought no longer of the path, and often +narrowly escaped dashing myself against a tree, in my headlong flight of +fear. + +Great drops of rain began to patter on the leaves. Thunder began to +mutter, then growl in the distance. I ran on. The rain fell heavier. At +length the thick leaves could hold it up no longer; and, like a second +firmament, they poured their torrents on the earth. I was soon drenched, +but that was nothing. I came to a small swollen stream that rushed +through the woods. I had a vague hope that if I crossed this stream, I +should be in safety from my pursuer; but I soon found that my hope was +as false as it was vague. I dashed across the stream, ascended a rising +ground, and reached a more open space, where stood only great trees. +Through them I directed my way, holding eastward as nearly as I could +guess, but not at all certain that I was not moving in an opposite +direction. My mind was just reviving a little from its extreme terror, +when, suddenly, a flash of lightning, or rather a cataract of successive +flashes, behind me, seemed to throw on the ground in front of me, but +far more faintly than before, from the extent of the source of the +light, the shadow of the same horrible hand. I sprang forward, stung +to yet wilder speed; but had not run many steps before my foot slipped, +and, vainly attempting to recover myself, I fell at the foot of one +of the large trees. Half-stunned, I yet raised myself, and almost +involuntarily looked back. All I saw was the hand within three feet +of my face. But, at the same moment, I felt two large soft arms thrown +round me from behind; and a voice like a woman's said: "Do not fear the +goblin; he dares not hurt you now." With that, the hand was suddenly +withdrawn as from a fire, and disappeared in the darkness and the rain. +Overcome with the mingling of terror and joy, I lay for some time almost +insensible. The first thing I remember is the sound of a voice above me, +full and low, and strangely reminding me of the sound of a gentle wind +amidst the leaves of a great tree. It murmured over and over again: +"I may love him, I may love him; for he is a man, and I am only a +beech-tree." I found I was seated on the ground, leaning against a human +form, and supported still by the arms around me, which I knew to be +those of a woman who must be rather above the human size, and largely +proportioned. I turned my head, but without moving otherwise, for I +feared lest the arms should untwine themselves; and clear, somewhat +mournful eyes met mine. At least that is how they impressed me; but I +could see very little of colour or outline as we sat in the dark and +rainy shadow of the tree. The face seemed very lovely, and solemn from +its stillness; with the aspect of one who is quite content, but waiting +for something. I saw my conjecture from her arms was correct: she was +above the human scale throughout, but not greatly. + +"Why do you call yourself a beech-tree?" I said. + +"Because I am one," she replied, in the same low, musical, murmuring +voice. + +"You are a woman," I returned. + +"Do you think so? Am I very like a woman then?" + +"You are a very beautiful woman. Is it possible you should not know it?" + +"I am very glad you think so. I fancy I feel like a woman sometimes. I +do so to-night--and always when the rain drips from my hair. For there +is an old prophecy in our woods that one day we shall all be men and +women like you. Do you know anything about it in your region? Shall I +be very happy when I am a woman? I fear not, for it is always in nights +like these that I feel like one. But I long to be a woman for all that." + +I had let her talk on, for her voice was like a solution of all musical +sounds. I now told her that I could hardly say whether women were happy +or not. I knew one who had not been happy; and for my part, I had often +longed for Fairy Land, as she now longed for the world of men. But then +neither of us had lived long, and perhaps people grew happier as they +grew older. Only I doubted it. + +I could not help sighing. She felt the sigh, for her arms were still +round me. She asked me how old I was. + +"Twenty-one," said I. + +"Why, you baby!" said she, and kissed me with the sweetest kiss of winds +and odours. There was a cool faithfulness in the kiss that revived my +heart wonderfully. I felt that I feared the dreadful Ash no more. + +"What did the horrible Ash want with me?" I said. + +"I am not quite sure, but I think he wants to bury you at the foot of +his tree. But he shall not touch you, my child." + +"Are all the ash-trees as dreadful as he?" + +"Oh, no. They are all disagreeable selfish creatures--(what horrid men +they will make, if it be true!)--but this one has a hole in his heart +that nobody knows of but one or two; and he is always trying to fill it +up, but he cannot. That must be what he wanted you for. I wonder if he +will ever be a man. If he is, I hope they will kill him." + +"How kind of you to save me from him!" + +"I will take care that he shall not come near you again. But there are +some in the wood more like me, from whom, alas! I cannot protect you. +Only if you see any of them very beautiful, try to walk round them." + +"What then?" + +"I cannot tell you more. But now I must tie some of my hair about you, +and then the Ash will not touch you. Here, cut some off. You men have +strange cutting things about you." + +She shook her long hair loose over me, never moving her arms. + +"I cannot cut your beautiful hair. It would be a shame." + +"Not cut my hair! It will have grown long enough before any is wanted +again in this wild forest. Perhaps it may never be of any use again--not +till I am a woman." And she sighed. + +As gently as I could, I cut with a knife a long tress of flowing, dark +hair, she hanging her beautiful head over me. When I had finished, she +shuddered and breathed deep, as one does when an acute pain, steadfastly +endured without sign of suffering, is at length relaxed. She then took +the hair and tied it round me, singing a strange, sweet song, which I +could not understand, but which left in me a feeling like this-- + + "I saw thee ne'er before; + I see thee never more; + But love, and help, and pain, beautiful one, + Have made thee mine, till all my years are done." + +I cannot put more of it into words. She closed her arms about me again, +and went on singing. The rain in the leaves, and a light wind that had +arisen, kept her song company. I was wrapt in a trance of still delight. +It told me the secret of the woods, and the flowers, and the birds. At +one time I felt as if I was wandering in childhood through sunny spring +forests, over carpets of primroses, anemones, and little white starry +things--I had almost said creatures, and finding new wonderful flowers +at every turn. At another, I lay half dreaming in the hot summer noon, +with a book of old tales beside me, beneath a great beech; or, in +autumn, grew sad because I trod on the leaves that had sheltered me, +and received their last blessing in the sweet odours of decay; or, in +a winter evening, frozen still, looked up, as I went home to a warm +fireside, through the netted boughs and twigs to the cold, snowy moon, +with her opal zone around her. At last I had fallen asleep; for I +know nothing more that passed till I found myself lying under a superb +beech-tree, in the clear light of the morning, just before sunrise. +Around me was a girdle of fresh beech-leaves. Alas! I brought nothing +with me out of Fairy Land, but memories--memories. The great boughs of +the beech hung drooping around me. At my head rose its smooth stem, with +its great sweeps of curving surface that swelled like undeveloped limbs. +The leaves and branches above kept on the song which had sung me asleep; +only now, to my mind, it sounded like a farewell and a speedwell. I sat +a long time, unwilling to go; but my unfinished story urged me on. I +must act and wander. With the sun well risen, I rose, and put my arms as +far as they would reach around the beech-tree, and kissed it, and said +good-bye. A trembling went through the leaves; a few of the last drops +of the night's rain fell from off them at my feet; and as I walked +slowly away, I seemed to hear in a whisper once more the words: "I may +love him, I may love him; for he is a man, and I am only a beech-tree." + + + + + +CHAPTER V + + "And she was smooth and full, as if one gush + Of life had washed her, or as if a sleep + Lay on her eyelid, easier to sweep + Than bee from daisy." + BEDDOIS' Pygmalion. + + "Sche was as whyt as lylye yn May, + Or snow that sneweth yn wynterys day." + Romance of Sir Launfal. + + +I walked on, in the fresh morning air, as if new-born. The only thing +that damped my pleasure was a cloud of something between sorrow and +delight that crossed my mind with the frequently returning thought of my +last night's hostess. "But then," thought I, "if she is sorry, I could +not help it; and she has all the pleasures she ever had. Such a day as +this is surely a joy to her, as much at least as to me. And her life +will perhaps be the richer, for holding now within it the memory of what +came, but could not stay. And if ever she is a woman, who knows but +we may meet somewhere? there is plenty of room for meeting in the +universe." Comforting myself thus, yet with a vague compunction, as if +I ought not to have left her, I went on. There was little to distinguish +the woods to-day from those of my own land; except that all the wild +things, rabbits, birds, squirrels, mice, and the numberless other +inhabitants, were very tame; that is, they did not run away from me, but +gazed at me as I passed, frequently coming nearer, as if to examine +me more closely. Whether this came from utter ignorance, or from +familiarity with the human appearance of beings who never hurt them, I +could not tell. As I stood once, looking up to the splendid flower of +a parasite, which hung from the branch of a tree over my head, a large +white rabbit cantered slowly up, put one of its little feet on one of +mine, and looked up at me with its red eyes, just as I had been +looking up at the flower above me. I stooped and stroked it; but when +I attempted to lift it, it banged the ground with its hind feet and +scampered off at a great rate, turning, however, to look at me several +times before I lost sight of it. Now and then, too, a dim human figure +would appear and disappear, at some distance, amongst the trees, moving +like a sleep-walker. But no one ever came near me. + +This day I found plenty of food in the forest--strange nuts and fruits +I had never seen before. I hesitated to eat them; but argued that, if +I could live on the air of Fairy Land, I could live on its food also. I +found my reasoning correct, and the result was better than I had hoped; +for it not only satisfied my hunger, but operated in such a way upon my +senses that I was brought into far more complete relationship with the +things around me. The human forms appeared much more dense and defined; +more tangibly visible, if I may say so. I seemed to know better which +direction to choose when any doubt arose. I began to feel in some degree +what the birds meant in their songs, though I could not express it in +words, any more than you can some landscapes. At times, to my surprise, +I found myself listening attentively, and as if it were no unusual +thing with me, to a conversation between two squirrels or monkeys. +The subjects were not very interesting, except as associated with the +individual life and necessities of the little creatures: where the best +nuts were to be found in the neighbourhood, and who could crack them +best, or who had most laid up for the winter, and such like; only they +never said where the store was. There was no great difference in kind +between their talk and our ordinary human conversation. Some of the +creatures I never heard speak at all, and believe they never do so, +except under the impulse of some great excitement. The mice talked; but +the hedgehogs seemed very phlegmatic; and though I met a couple of moles +above ground several times, they never said a word to each other in my +hearing. There were no wild beasts in the forest; at least, I did not +see one larger than a wild cat. There were plenty of snakes, however, +and I do not think they were all harmless; but none ever bit me. + +Soon after mid-day I arrived at a bare rocky hill, of no great size, but +very steep; and having no trees--scarcely even a bush--upon it, entirely +exposed to the heat of the sun. Over this my way seemed to lie, and +I immediately began the ascent. On reaching the top, hot and weary, I +looked around me, and saw that the forest still stretched as far as the +sight could reach on every side of me. I observed that the trees, in the +direction in which I was about to descend, did not come so near the +foot of the hill as on the other side, and was especially regretting the +unexpected postponement of shelter, because this side of the hill seemed +more difficult to descend than the other had been to climb, when my eye +caught the appearance of a natural path, winding down through broken +rocks and along the course of a tiny stream, which I hoped would lead +me more easily to the foot. I tried it, and found the descent not at all +laborious; nevertheless, when I reached the bottom, I was very tired and +exhausted with the heat. But just where the path seemed to end, rose +a great rock, quite overgrown with shrubs and creeping plants, some of +them in full and splendid blossom: these almost concealed an opening in +the rock, into which the path appeared to lead. I entered, thirsting for +the shade which it promised. What was my delight to find a rocky +cell, all the angles rounded away with rich moss, and every ledge and +projection crowded with lovely ferns, the variety of whose forms, and +groupings, and shades wrought in me like a poem; for such a harmony +could not exist, except they all consented to some one end! A little +well of the clearest water filled a mossy hollow in one corner. I drank, +and felt as if I knew what the elixir of life must be; then threw myself +on a mossy mound that lay like a couch along the inner end. Here I lay +in a delicious reverie for some time; during which all lovely forms, and +colours, and sounds seemed to use my brain as a common hall, where they +could come and go, unbidden and unexcused. I had never imagined that +such capacity for simple happiness lay in me, as was now awakened by +this assembly of forms and spiritual sensations, which yet were far too +vague to admit of being translated into any shape common to my own and +another mind. I had lain for an hour, I should suppose, though it may +have been far longer, when, the harmonious tumult in my mind having +somewhat relaxed, I became aware that my eyes were fixed on a strange, +time-worn bas-relief on the rock opposite to me. This, after some +pondering, I concluded to represent Pygmalion, as he awaited the +quickening of his statue. The sculptor sat more rigid than the figure to +which his eyes were turned. That seemed about to step from its pedestal +and embrace the man, who waited rather than expected. + +"A lovely story," I said to myself. "This cave, now, with the bushes cut +away from the entrance to let the light in, might be such a place as he +would choose, withdrawn from the notice of men, to set up his block of +marble, and mould into a visible body the thought already clothed with +form in the unseen hall of the sculptor's brain. And, indeed, if I +mistake not," I said, starting up, as a sudden ray of light arrived +at that moment through a crevice in the roof, and lighted up a small +portion of the rock, bare of vegetation, "this very rock is marble, +white enough and delicate enough for any statue, even if destined to +become an ideal woman in the arms of the sculptor." + +I took my knife and removed the moss from a part of the block on which +I had been lying; when, to my surprise, I found it more like alabaster +than ordinary marble, and soft to the edge of the knife. In fact, it +was alabaster. By an inexplicable, though by no means unusual kind of +impulse, I went on removing the moss from the surface of the stone; +and soon saw that it was polished, or at least smooth, throughout. I +continued my labour; and after clearing a space of about a couple of +square feet, I observed what caused me to prosecute the work with more +interest and care than before. For the ray of sunlight had now reached +the spot I had cleared, and under its lustre the alabaster revealed +its usual slight transparency when polished, except where my knife had +scratched the surface; and I observed that the transparency seemed to +have a definite limit, and to end upon an opaque body like the more +solid, white marble. I was careful to scratch no more. And first, a +vague anticipation gave way to a startling sense of possibility; then, +as I proceeded, one revelation after another produced the entrancing +conviction, that under the crust of alabaster lay a dimly visible form +in marble, but whether of man or woman I could not yet tell. I worked on +as rapidly as the necessary care would permit; and when I had uncovered +the whole mass, and rising from my knees, had retreated a little way, +so that the effect of the whole might fall on me, I saw before me +with sufficient plainness--though at the same time with considerable +indistinctness, arising from the limited amount of light the place +admitted, as well as from the nature of the object itself--a block of +pure alabaster enclosing the form, apparently in marble, of a reposing +woman. She lay on one side, with her hand under her cheek, and her face +towards me; but her hair had fallen partly over her face, so that I +could not see the expression of the whole. What I did see appeared to +me perfectly lovely; more near the face that had been born with me in +my soul, than anything I had seen before in nature or art. The actual +outlines of the rest of the form were so indistinct, that the more than +semi-opacity of the alabaster seemed insufficient to account for +the fact; and I conjectured that a light robe added its obscurity. +Numberless histories passed through my mind of change of substance from +enchantment and other causes, and of imprisonments such as this before +me. I thought of the Prince of the Enchanted City, half marble and half +a man; of Ariel; of Niobe; of the Sleeping Beauty in the Wood; of the +bleeding trees; and many other histories. Even my adventure of the +preceding evening with the lady of the beech-tree contributed to arouse +the wild hope, that by some means life might be given to this form also, +and that, breaking from her alabaster tomb, she might glorify my eyes +with her presence. "For," I argued, "who can tell but this cave may be +the home of Marble, and this, essential Marble--that spirit of marble +which, present throughout, makes it capable of being moulded into any +form? Then if she should awake! But how to awake her? A kiss awoke +the Sleeping Beauty! a kiss cannot reach her through the incrusting +alabaster." I kneeled, however, and kissed the pale coffin; but she +slept on. I bethought me of Orpheus, and the following stones--that +trees should follow his music seemed nothing surprising now. Might not a +song awake this form, that the glory of motion might for a time displace +the loveliness of rest? Sweet sounds can go where kisses may not enter. +I sat and thought. Now, although always delighting in music, I had never +been gifted with the power of song, until I entered the fairy forest. I +had a voice, and I had a true sense of sound; but when I tried to sing, +the one would not content the other, and so I remained silent. This +morning, however, I had found myself, ere I was aware, rejoicing in a +song; but whether it was before or after I had eaten of the fruits +of the forest, I could not satisfy myself. I concluded it was after, +however; and that the increased impulse to sing I now felt, was in part +owing to having drunk of the little well, which shone like a brilliant +eye in a corner of the cave. I sat down on the ground by the "antenatal +tomb," leaned upon it with my face towards the head of the figure +within, and sang--the words and tones coming together, and inseparably +connected, as if word and tone formed one thing; or, as if each word +could be uttered only in that tone, and was incapable of distinction +from it, except in idea, by an acute analysis. I sang something like +this: but the words are only a dull representation of a state whose +very elevation precluded the possibility of remembrance; and in which I +presume the words really employed were as far above these, as that state +transcended this wherein I recall it: + + "Marble woman, vainly sleeping + In the very death of dreams! + Wilt thou--slumber from thee sweeping, + All but what with vision teems-- + Hear my voice come through the golden + Mist of memory and hope; + And with shadowy smile embolden + Me with primal Death to cope? + + "Thee the sculptors all pursuing, + Have embodied but their own; + Round their visions, form enduring, + Marble vestments thou hast thrown; + But thyself, in silence winding, + Thou hast kept eternally; + Thee they found not, many finding-- + I have found thee: wake for me." + + +As I sang, I looked earnestly at the face so vaguely revealed before me. +I fancied, yet believed it to be but fancy, that through the dim veil +of the alabaster, I saw a motion of the head as if caused by a sinking +sigh. I gazed more earnestly, and concluded that it was but fancy. +Neverthless I could not help singing again-- + + "Rest is now filled full of beauty, + And can give thee up, I ween; + Come thou forth, for other duty + Motion pineth for her queen. + + "Or, if needing years to wake thee + From thy slumbrous solitudes, + Come, sleep-walking, and betake thee + To the friendly, sleeping woods. + + Sweeter dreams are in the forest, + Round thee storms would never rave; + And when need of rest is sorest, + Glide thou then into thy cave. + + "Or, if still thou choosest rather + Marble, be its spell on me; + Let thy slumber round me gather, + Let another dream with thee!" + + +Again I paused, and gazed through the stony shroud, as if, by very force +of penetrative sight, I would clear every lineament of the lovely face. +And now I thought the hand that had lain under the cheek, had slipped +a little downward. But then I could not be sure that I had at first +observed its position accurately. So I sang again; for the longing had +grown into a passionate need of seeing her alive-- + + "Or art thou Death, O woman? for since I + Have set me singing by thy side, + Life hath forsook the upper sky, + And all the outer world hath died. + + "Yea, I am dead; for thou hast drawn + My life all downward unto thee. + Dead moon of love! let twilight dawn: + Awake! and let the darkness flee. + + "Cold lady of the lovely stone! + Awake! or I shall perish here; + And thou be never more alone, + My form and I for ages near. + + "But words are vain; reject them all-- + They utter but a feeble part: + Hear thou the depths from which they call, + The voiceless longing of my heart." + + +There arose a slightly crashing sound. Like a sudden apparition that +comes and is gone, a white form, veiled in a light robe of whiteness, +burst upwards from the stone, stood, glided forth, and gleamed away +towards the woods. For I followed to the mouth of the cave, as soon +as the amazement and concentration of delight permitted the nerves of +motion again to act; and saw the white form amidst the trees, as it +crossed a little glade on the edge of the forest where the sunlight fell +full, seeming to gather with intenser radiance on the one object that +floated rather than flitted through its lake of beams. I gazed after her +in a kind of despair; found, freed, lost! It seemed useless to follow, +yet follow I must. I marked the direction she took; and without once +looking round to the forsaken cave, I hastened towards the forest. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + "Ah, let a man beware, when his wishes, fulfilled, rain down + upon him, and his happiness is unbounded." + + "Thy red lips, like worms, + Travel over my cheek." + --MOTHERWELL. + +But as I crossed the space between the foot of the hill and the forest, +a vision of another kind delayed my steps. Through an opening to +the westward flowed, like a stream, the rays of the setting sun, and +overflowed with a ruddy splendour the open space where I was. And riding +as it were down this stream towards me, came a horseman in what appeared +red armour. From frontlet to tail, the horse likewise shone red in the +sunset. I felt as if I must have seen the knight before; but as he drew +near, I could recall no feature of his countenance. Ere he came up +to me, however, I remembered the legend of Sir Percival in the rusty +armour, which I had left unfinished in the old book in the cottage: it +was of Sir Percival that he reminded me. And no wonder; for when he came +close up to me, I saw that, from crest to heel, the whole surface of his +armour was covered with a light rust. The golden spurs shone, but the +iron greaves glowed in the sunlight. The MORNING STAR, which hung from +his wrist, glittered and glowed with its silver and bronze. His whole +appearance was terrible; but his face did not answer to this appearance. +It was sad, even to gloominess; and something of shame seemed to cover +it. Yet it was noble and high, though thus beclouded; and the form +looked lofty, although the head drooped, and the whole frame was bowed +as with an inward grief. The horse seemed to share in his master's +dejection, and walked spiritless and slow. I noticed, too, that the +white plume on his helmet was discoloured and drooping. "He has fallen +in a joust with spears," I said to myself; "yet it becomes not a noble +knight to be conquered in spirit because his body hath fallen." He +appeared not to observe me, for he was riding past without looking up, +and started into a warlike attitude the moment the first sound of my +voice reached him. Then a flush, as of shame, covered all of his face +that the lifted beaver disclosed. He returned my greeting with distant +courtesy, and passed on. But suddenly, he reined up, sat a moment still, +and then turning his horse, rode back to where I stood looking after +him. + +"I am ashamed," he said, "to appear a knight, and in such a guise; but +it behoves me to tell you to take warning from me, lest the same evil, +in his kind, overtake the singer that has befallen the knight. Hast thou +ever read the story of Sir Percival and the"--(here he shuddered, that +his armour rang)--"Maiden of the Alder-tree?" + +"In part, I have," said I; "for yesterday, at the entrance of this +forest, I found in a cottage the volume wherein it is recorded." "Then +take heed," he rejoined; "for, see my armour--I put it off; and as it +befell to him, so has it befallen to me. I that was proud am humble now. +Yet is she terribly beautiful--beware. Never," he added, raising his +head, "shall this armour be furbished, but by the blows of knightly +encounter, until the last speck has disappeared from every spot where +the battle-axe and sword of evil-doers, or noble foes, might fall; when +I shall again lift my head, and say to my squire, 'Do thy duty once +more, and make this armour shine.'" + +Before I could inquire further, he had struck spurs into his horse and +galloped away, shrouded from my voice in the noise of his armour. For I +called after him, anxious to know more about this fearful enchantress; +but in vain--he heard me not. "Yet," I said to myself, "I have now +been often warned; surely I shall be well on my guard; and I am fully +resolved I shall not be ensnared by any beauty, however beautiful. +Doubtless, some one man may escape, and I shall be he." So I went on +into the wood, still hoping to find, in some one of its mysterious +recesses, my lost lady of the marble. The sunny afternoon died into +the loveliest twilight. Great bats began to flit about with their own +noiseless flight, seemingly purposeless, because its objects are unseen. +The monotonous music of the owl issued from all unexpected quarters in +the half-darkness around me. The glow-worm was alight here and there, +burning out into the great universe. The night-hawk heightened all the +harmony and stillness with his oft-recurring, discordant jar. +Numberless unknown sounds came out of the unknown dusk; but all were of +twilight-kind, oppressing the heart as with a condensed atmosphere of +dreamy undefined love and longing. The odours of night arose, and bathed +me in that luxurious mournfulness peculiar to them, as if the plants +whence they floated had been watered with bygone tears. Earth drew me +towards her bosom; I felt as if I could fall down and kiss her. I forgot +I was in Fairy Land, and seemed to be walking in a perfect night of +our own old nursing earth. Great stems rose about me, uplifting a thick +multitudinous roof above me of branches, and twigs, and leaves--the bird +and insect world uplifted over mine, with its own landscapes, its own +thickets, and paths, and glades, and dwellings; its own bird-ways and +insect-delights. Great boughs crossed my path; great roots based the +tree-columns, and mightily clasped the earth, strong to lift and strong +to uphold. It seemed an old, old forest, perfect in forest ways and +pleasures. And when, in the midst of this ecstacy, I remembered that +under some close canopy of leaves, by some giant stem, or in some mossy +cave, or beside some leafy well, sat the lady of the marble, whom my +songs had called forth into the outer world, waiting (might it not +be?) to meet and thank her deliverer in a twilight which would veil her +confusion, the whole night became one dream-realm of joy, the central +form of which was everywhere present, although unbeheld. Then, +remembering how my songs seemed to have called her from the marble, +piercing through the pearly shroud of alabaster--"Why," thought I, +"should not my voice reach her now, through the ebon night that +inwraps her." My voice burst into song so spontaneously that it seemed +involuntarily. + + "Not a sound + But, echoing in me, + Vibrates all around + With a blind delight, + Till it breaks on Thee, + Queen of Night! + + Every tree, + O'ershadowing with gloom, + Seems to cover thee + Secret, dark, love-still'd, + In a holy room + Silence-filled. + + "Let no moon + Creep up the heaven to-night; + I in darksome noon + Walking hopefully, + Seek my shrouded light-- + Grope for thee! + + "Darker grow + The borders of the dark! + Through the branches glow, + From the roof above, + Star and diamond-sparks + Light for love." + + +Scarcely had the last sounds floated away from the hearing of my own +ears, when I heard instead a low delicious laugh near me. It was not the +laugh of one who would not be heard, but the laugh of one who has just +received something long and patiently desired--a laugh that ends in +a low musical moan. I started, and, turning sideways, saw a dim white +figure seated beside an intertwining thicket of smaller trees and +underwood. + +"It is my white lady!" I said, and flung myself on the ground beside +her; striving, through the gathering darkness, to get a glimpse of the +form which had broken its marble prison at my call. + +"It is your white lady!" said the sweetest voice, in reply, sending a +thrill of speechless delight through a heart which all the love-charms +of the preceding day and evening had been tempering for this culminating +hour. Yet, if I would have confessed it, there was something either in +the sound of the voice, although it seemed sweetness itself, or else in +this yielding which awaited no gradation of gentle approaches, that did +not vibrate harmoniously with the beat of my inward music. And likewise, +when, taking her hand in mine, I drew closer to her, looking for the +beauty of her face, which, indeed, I found too plenteously, a cold +shiver ran through me; but "it is the marble," I said to myself, and +heeded it not. + +She withdrew her hand from mine, and after that would scarce allow me to +touch her. It seemed strange, after the fulness of her first greeting, +that she could not trust me to come close to her. Though her words +were those of a lover, she kept herself withdrawn as if a mile of space +interposed between us. + +"Why did you run away from me when you woke in the cave?" I said. + +"Did I?" she returned. "That was very unkind of me; but I did not know +better." + +"I wish I could see you. The night is very dark." + +"So it is. Come to my grotto. There is light there." + +"Have you another cave, then?" + +"Come and see." + +But she did not move until I rose first, and then she was on her feet +before I could offer my hand to help her. She came close to my side, and +conducted me through the wood. But once or twice, when, involuntarily +almost, I was about to put my arm around her as we walked on through the +warm gloom, she sprang away several paces, always keeping her face full +towards me, and then stood looking at me, slightly stooping, in the +attitude of one who fears some half-seen enemy. It was too dark to +discern the expression of her face. Then she would return and walk close +beside me again, as if nothing had happened. I thought this strange; +but, besides that I had almost, as I said before, given up the attempt +to account for appearances in Fairy Land, I judged that it would be very +unfair to expect from one who had slept so long and had been so suddenly +awakened, a behaviour correspondent to what I might unreflectingly look +for. I knew not what she might have been dreaming about. Besides, it was +possible that, while her words were free, her sense of touch might be +exquisitely delicate. + +At length, after walking a long way in the woods, we arrived at another +thicket, through the intertexture of which was glimmering a pale rosy +light. + + "Push aside the branches," she said, "and make room for us to +enter." + +I did as she told me. + +"Go in," she said; "I will follow you." + +I did as she desired, and found myself in a little cave, not very unlike +the marble cave. It was festooned and draperied with all kinds of +green that cling to shady rocks. In the furthest corner, half-hidden in +leaves, through which it glowed, mingling lovely shadows between them, +burned a bright rosy flame on a little earthen lamp. The lady glided +round by the wall from behind me, still keeping her face towards me, and +seated herself in the furthest corner, with her back to the lamp, which +she hid completely from my view. I then saw indeed a form of perfect +loveliness before me. Almost it seemed as if the light of the rose-lamp +shone through her (for it could not be reflected from her); such a +delicate shade of pink seemed to shadow what in itself must be a marbly +whiteness of hue. I discovered afterwards, however, that there was one +thing in it I did not like; which was, that the white part of the eye +was tinged with the same slight roseate hue as the rest of the form. It +is strange that I cannot recall her features; but they, as well as her +somewhat girlish figure, left on me simply and only the impression of +intense loveliness. I lay down at her feet, and gazed up into her face +as I lay. She began, and told me a strange tale, which, likewise, I +cannot recollect; but which, at every turn and every pause, somehow or +other fixed my eyes and thoughts upon her extreme beauty; seeming always +to culminate in something that had a relation, revealed or hidden, but +always operative, with her own loveliness. I lay entranced. It was a +tale which brings back a feeling as of snows and tempests; torrents +and water-sprites; lovers parted for long, and meeting at last; with a +gorgeous summer night to close up the whole. I listened till she and I +were blended with the tale; till she and I were the whole history. And +we had met at last in this same cave of greenery, while the summer night +hung round us heavy with love, and the odours that crept through the +silence from the sleeping woods were the only signs of an outer world +that invaded our solitude. What followed I cannot clearly remember. The +succeeding horror almost obliterated it. I woke as a grey dawn stole +into the cave. The damsel had disappeared; but in the shrubbery, at the +mouth of the cave, stood a strange horrible object. It looked like an +open coffin set up on one end; only that the part for the head and +neck was defined from the shoulder-part. In fact, it was a rough +representation of the human frame, only hollow, as if made of decaying +bark torn from a tree. + +It had arms, which were only slightly seamed, down from the +shoulder-blade by the elbow, as if the bark had healed again from the +cut of a knife. But the arms moved, and the hand and the fingers were +tearing asunder a long silky tress of hair. The thing turned round--it +had for a face and front those of my enchantress, but now of a pale +greenish hue in the light of the morning, and with dead lustreless eyes. +In the horror of the moment, another fear invaded me. I put my hand to +my waist, and found indeed that my girdle of beech-leaves was gone. +Hair again in her hands, she was tearing it fiercely. Once more, as she +turned, she laughed a low laugh, but now full of scorn and derision; and +then she said, as if to a companion with whom she had been talking while +I slept, "There he is; you can take him now." I lay still, petrified +with dismay and fear; for I now saw another figure beside her, which, +although vague and indistinct, I yet recognised but too well. It was the +Ash-tree. My beauty was the Maid of the Alder! and she was giving +me, spoiled of my only availing defence, into the hands of my awful foe. +The Ash bent his Gorgon-head, and entered the cave. I could not stir. +He drew near me. His ghoul-eyes and his ghastly face fascinated me. +He came stooping, with the hideous hand outstretched, like a beast of +prey. I had given myself up to a death of unfathomable horror, when, +suddenly, and just as he was on the point of seizing me, the dull, +heavy blow of an axe echoed through the wood, followed by others in +quick repetition. The Ash shuddered and groaned, withdrew the +outstretched hand, retreated backwards to the mouth of the cave, then +turned and disappeared amongst the trees. The other walking Death +looked at me once, with a careless dislike on her beautifully moulded +features; then, heedless any more to conceal her hollow deformity, +turned her frightful back and likewise vanished amid the green +obscurity without. I lay and wept. The Maid of the Alder-tree had +befooled me--nearly slain me--in spite of all the warnings I had +received from those who knew my danger. + + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + "Fight on, my men, Sir Andrew sayes, + A little I am hurt, but yett not slaine; + I'le but lye downe and bleede awhile, + And then I'le rise and fight againe." + Ballad of Sir Andrew Barton. + +But I could not remain where I was any longer, though the daylight was +hateful to me, and the thought of the great, innocent, bold sunrise +unendurable. Here there was no well to cool my face, smarting with the +bitterness of my own tears. Nor would I have washed in the well of +that grotto, had it flowed clear as the rivers of Paradise. I rose, and +feebly left the sepulchral cave. I took my way I knew not whither, but +still towards the sunrise. The birds were singing; but not for me. All +the creatures spoke a language of their own, with which I had nothing to +do, and to which I cared not to find the key any more. + +I walked listlessly along. What distressed me most--more even than my +own folly--was the perplexing question, How can beauty and ugliness +dwell so near? Even with her altered complexion and her face of dislike; +disenchanted of the belief that clung around her; known for a +living, walking sepulchre, faithless, deluding, traitorous; I felt +notwithstanding all this, that she was beautiful. Upon this I pondered +with undiminished perplexity, though not without some gain. Then I began +to make surmises as to the mode of my deliverance; and concluded that +some hero, wandering in search of adventure, had heard how the forest +was infested; and, knowing it was useless to attack the evil thing in +person, had assailed with his battle-axe the body in which he dwelt, and +on which he was dependent for his power of mischief in the wood. "Very +likely," I thought, "the repentant-knight, who warned me of the evil +which has befallen me, was busy retrieving his lost honour, while I was +sinking into the same sorrow with himself; and, hearing of the dangerous +and mysterious being, arrived at his tree in time to save me from being +dragged to its roots, and buried like carrion, to nourish him for +yet deeper insatiableness." I found afterwards that my conjecture was +correct. I wondered how he had fared when his blows recalled the Ash +himself, and that too I learned afterwards. + +I walked on the whole day, with intervals of rest, but without food; for +I could not have eaten, had any been offered me; till, in the afternoon, +I seemed to approach the outskirts of the forest, and at length arrived +at a farm-house. An unspeakable joy arose in my heart at beholding an +abode of human beings once more, and I hastened up to the door, and +knocked. A kind-looking, matronly woman, still handsome, made her +appearance; who, as soon as she saw me, said kindly, "Ah, my poor boy, +you have come from the wood! Were you in it last night?" + +I should have ill endured, the day before, to be called BOY; but now the +motherly kindness of the word went to my heart; and, like a boy indeed, +I burst into tears. She soothed me right gently; and, leading me into +a room, made me lie down on a settle, while she went to find me some +refreshment. She soon returned with food, but I could not eat. She +almost compelled me to swallow some wine, when I revived sufficiently to +be able to answer some of her questions. I told her the whole story. + +"It is just as I feared," she said; "but you are now for the night +beyond the reach of any of these dreadful creatures. It is no wonder +they could delude a child like you. But I must beg you, when my husband +comes in, not to say a word about these things; for he thinks me even +half crazy for believing anything of the sort. But I must believe my +senses, as he cannot believe beyond his, which give him no intimations +of this kind. I think he could spend the whole of Midsummer-eve in +the wood and come back with the report that he saw nothing worse than +himself. Indeed, good man, he would hardly find anything better than +himself, if he had seven more senses given him." + +"But tell me how it is that she could be so beautiful without any heart +at all--without any place even for a heart to live in." + +"I cannot quite tell," she said; "but I am sure she would not look so +beautiful if she did not take means to make herself look more beautiful +than she is. And then, you know, you began by being in love with +her before you saw her beauty, mistaking her for the lady of the +marble--another kind altogether, I should think. But the chief thing +that makes her beautiful is this: that, although she loves no man, she +loves the love of any man; and when she finds one in her power, her +desire to bewitch him and gain his love (not for the sake of his love +either, but that she may be conscious anew of her own beauty, +through the admiration he manifests), makes her very lovely--with a +self-destructive beauty, though; for it is that which is constantly +wearing her away within, till, at last, the decay will reach her face, +and her whole front, when all the lovely mask of nothing will fall to +pieces, and she be vanished for ever. So a wise man, whom she met in +the wood some years ago, and who, I think, for all his wisdom, fared no +better than you, told me, when, like you, he spent the next night here, +and recounted to me his adventures." + +I thanked her very warmly for her solution, though it was but partial; +wondering much that in her, as in woman I met on my first entering the +forest, there should be such superiority to her apparent condition. Here +she left me to take some rest; though, indeed, I was too much agitated +to rest in any other way than by simply ceasing to move. + +In half an hour, I heard a heavy step approach and enter the house. A +jolly voice, whose slight huskiness appeared to proceed from overmuch +laughter, called out "Betsy, the pigs' trough is quite empty, and that +is a pity. Let them swill, lass! They're of no use but to get fat. Ha! +ha! ha! Gluttony is not forbidden in their commandments. Ha! ha! ha!" +The very voice, kind and jovial, seemed to disrobe the room of the +strange look which all new places wear--to disenchant it out of the +realm of the ideal into that of the actual. It began to look as if I +had known every corner of it for twenty years; and when, soon after, the +dame came and fetched me to partake of their early supper, the grasp of +his great hand, and the harvest-moon of his benevolent face, which was +needed to light up the rotundity of the globe beneath it, produced such +a reaction in me, that, for a moment, I could hardly believe that there +was a Fairy Land; and that all I had passed through since I left home, +had not been the wandering dream of a diseased imagination, operating on +a too mobile frame, not merely causing me indeed to travel, but peopling +for me with vague phantoms the regions through which my actual steps +had led me. But the next moment my eye fell upon a little girl who was +sitting in the chimney-corner, with a little book open on her knee, from +which she had apparently just looked up to fix great inquiring eyes upon +me. I believed in Fairy Land again. She went on with her reading, as +soon as she saw that I observed her looking at me. I went near, and +peeping over her shoulder, saw that she was reading "The History of +Graciosa and Percinet." + +"Very improving book, sir," remarked the old farmer, with a +good-humoured laugh. "We are in the very hottest corner of Fairy Land +here. Ha! ha! Stormy night, last night, sir." + +"Was it, indeed?" I rejoined. "It was not so with me. A lovelier night I +never saw." "Indeed! Where were you last night?" + +"I spent it in the forest. I had lost my way." + +"Ah! then, perhaps, you will be able to convince my good woman, that +there is nothing very remarkable about the forest; for, to tell the +truth, it bears but a bad name in these parts. I dare say you saw +nothing worse than yourself there?" + +"I hope I did," was my inward reply; but, for an audible one, I +contented myself with saying, "Why, I certainly did see some appearances +I could hardly account for; but that is nothing to be wondered at in an +unknown wild forest, and with the uncertain light of the moon alone to +go by." + +"Very true! you speak like a sensible man, sir. We have but few sensible +folks round about us. Now, you would hardly credit it, but my wife +believes every fairy-tale that ever was written. I cannot account for +it. She is a most sensible woman in everything else." + +"But should not that make you treat her belief with something of +respect, though you cannot share in it yourself?" + +"Yes, that is all very well in theory; but when you come to live +every day in the midst of absurdity, it is far less easy to behave +respectfully to it. Why, my wife actually believes the story of the +'White Cat.' You know it, I dare say." + +"I read all these tales when a child, and know that one especially +well." + +"But, father," interposed the little girl in the chimney-corner, "you +know quite well that mother is descended from that very princess who was +changed by the wicked fairy into a white cat. Mother has told me so a +many times, and you ought to believe everything she says." + +"I can easily believe that," rejoined the farmer, with another fit of +laughter; "for, the other night, a mouse came gnawing and scratching +beneath the floor, and would not let us go to sleep. Your mother sprang +out of bed, and going as near it as she could, mewed so infernally like +a great cat, that the noise ceased instantly. I believe the poor mouse +died of the fright, for we have never heard it again. Ha! ha! ha!" + +The son, an ill-looking youth, who had entered during the conversation, +joined in his father's laugh; but his laugh was very different from the +old man's: it was polluted with a sneer. I watched him, and saw that, +as soon as it was over, he looked scared, as if he dreaded some evil +consequences to follow his presumption. The woman stood near, waiting +till we should seat ourselves at the table, and listening to it all +with an amused air, which had something in it of the look with which one +listens to the sententious remarks of a pompous child. We sat down to +supper, and I ate heartily. My bygone distresses began already to look +far off. + +"In what direction are you going?" asked the old man. + +"Eastward," I replied; nor could I have given a more definite answer. +"Does the forest extend much further in that direction?" + +"Oh! for miles and miles; I do not know how far. For although I have +lived on the borders of it all my life, I have been too busy to make +journeys of discovery into it. Nor do I see what I could discover. It +is only trees and trees, till one is sick of them. By the way, if you +follow the eastward track from here, you will pass close to what the +children say is the very house of the ogre that Hop-o'-my-Thumb visited, +and ate his little daughters with the crowns of gold." + +"Oh, father! ate his little daughters! No; he only changed their gold +crowns for nightcaps; and the great long-toothed ogre killed them in +mistake; but I do not think even he ate them, for you know they were his +own little ogresses." + +"Well, well, child; you know all about it a great deal better than I do. +However, the house has, of course, in such a foolish neighbourhood as +this, a bad enough name; and I must confess there is a woman living +in it, with teeth long enough, and white enough too, for the lineal +descendant of the greatest ogre that ever was made. I think you had +better not go near her." + +In such talk as this the night wore on. When supper was finished, which +lasted some time, my hostess conducted me to my chamber. + +"If you had not had enough of it already," she said, "I would have put +you in another room, which looks towards the forest; and where you +would most likely have seen something more of its inhabitants. For they +frequently pass the window, and even enter the room sometimes. Strange +creatures spend whole nights in it, at certain seasons of the year. I am +used to it, and do not mind it. No more does my little girl, who sleeps +in it always. But this room looks southward towards the open country, +and they never show themselves here; at least I never saw any." + +I was somewhat sorry not to gather any experience that I might have, of +the inhabitants of Fairy Land; but the effect of the farmer's company, +and of my own later adventures, was such, that I chose rather an +undisturbed night in my more human quarters; which, with their clean +white curtains and white linen, were very inviting to my weariness. + +In the morning I awoke refreshed, after a profound and dreamless sleep. +The sun was high, when I looked out of the window, shining over a wide, +undulating, cultivated country. Various garden-vegetables were growing +beneath my window. Everything was radiant with clear sunlight. The +dew-drops were sparkling their busiest; the cows in a near-by field were +eating as if they had not been at it all day yesterday; the maids were +singing at their work as they passed to and fro between the out-houses: +I did not believe in Fairy Land. I went down, and found the family +already at breakfast. But before I entered the room where they sat, the +little girl came to me, and looked up in my face, as though she wanted +to say something to me. I stooped towards her; she put her arms round my +neck, and her mouth to my ear, and whispered-- + +"A white lady has been flitting about the house all night." + +"No whispering behind doors!" cried the farmer; and we entered together. +"Well, how have you slept? No bogies, eh?" + +"Not one, thank you; I slept uncommonly well." + +"I am glad to hear it. Come and breakfast." + +After breakfast, the farmer and his son went out; and I was left alone +with the mother and daughter. + +"When I looked out of the window this morning," I said, "I felt almost +certain that Fairy Land was all a delusion of my brain; but whenever I +come near you or your little daughter, I feel differently. Yet I could +persuade myself, after my last adventures, to go back, and have nothing +more to do with such strange beings." + +"How will you go back?" said the woman. + +"Nay, that I do not know." + +"Because I have heard, that, for those who enter Fairy Land, there is no +way of going back. They must go on, and go through it. How, I do not in +the least know." + +"That is quite the impression on my own mind. Something compels me to go +on, as if my only path was onward, but I feel less inclined this morning +to continue my adventures." + +"Will you come and see my little child's room? She sleeps in the one I +told you of, looking towards the forest." + +"Willingly," I said. + +So we went together, the little girl running before to open the door for +us. It was a large room, full of old-fashioned furniture, that seemed to +have once belonged to some great house. + +The window was built with a low arch, and filled with lozenge-shaped +panes. The wall was very thick, and built of solid stone. I could see +that part of the house had been erected against the remains of some old +castle or abbey, or other great building; the fallen stones of which +had probably served to complete it. But as soon as I looked out of the +window, a gush of wonderment and longing flowed over my soul like the +tide of a great sea. Fairy Land lay before me, and drew me towards it +with an irresistible attraction. The trees bathed their great heads in +the waves of the morning, while their roots were planted deep in gloom; +save where on the borders the sunshine broke against their stems, or +swept in long streams through their avenues, washing with brighter hue +all the leaves over which it flowed; revealing the rich brown of the +decayed leaves and fallen pine-cones, and the delicate greens of the +long grasses and tiny forests of moss that covered the channel over +which it passed in motionless rivers of light. I turned hurriedly to bid +my hostess farewell without further delay. She smiled at my haste, but +with an anxious look. + +"You had better not go near the house of the ogre, I think. My son will +show you into another path, which will join the first beyond it." + +Not wishing to be headstrong or too confident any more, I agreed; +and having taken leave of my kind entertainers, went into the wood, +accompanied by the youth. He scarcely spoke as we went along; but he led +me through the trees till we struck upon a path. He told me to follow +it, and, with a muttered "good morning" left me. + + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + "I am a part of the part, which at first was the whole." + GOETHE.--Mephistopheles in Faust. + +My spirits rose as I went deeper; into the forest; but I could not +regain my former elasticity of mind. I found cheerfulness to be like +life itself--not to be created by any argument. Afterwards I learned, +that the best way to manage some kinds of pain filled thoughts, is to dare +them to do their worst; to let them lie and gnaw at your heart till they +are tired; and you find you still have a residue of life they cannot +kill. So, better and worse, I went on, till I came to a little clearing +in the forest. In the middle of this clearing stood a long, low hut, +built with one end against a single tall cypress, which rose like a +spire to the building. A vague misgiving crossed my mind when I saw it; +but I must needs go closer, and look through a little half-open door, +near the opposite end from the cypress. Window I saw none. On peeping +in, and looking towards the further end, I saw a lamp burning, with +a dim, reddish flame, and the head of a woman, bent downwards, as if +reading by its light. I could see nothing more for a few moments. At +length, as my eyes got used to the dimness of the place, I saw that the +part of the rude building near me was used for household purposes; +for several rough utensils lay here and there, and a bed stood in the +corner. + +An irresistible attraction caused me to enter. The woman never raised +her face, the upper part of which alone I could see distinctly; but, as +soon as I stepped within the threshold, she began to read aloud, in a +low and not altogether unpleasing voice, from an ancient little volume +which she held open with one hand on the table upon which stood the +lamp. What she read was something like this: + +"So, then, as darkness had no beginning, neither will it ever have +an end. So, then, is it eternal. The negation of aught else, is its +affirmation. Where the light cannot come, there abideth the darkness. +The light doth but hollow a mine out of the infinite extension of the +darkness. And ever upon the steps of the light treadeth the darkness; +yea, springeth in fountains and wells amidst it, from the secret +channels of its mighty sea. Truly, man is but a passing flame, moving +unquietly amid the surrounding rest of night; without which he yet could +not be, and whereof he is in part compounded." + +As I drew nearer, and she read on, she moved a little to turn a leaf +of the dark old volume, and I saw that her face was sallow and slightly +forbidding. Her forehead was high, and her black eyes repressedly quiet. +But she took no notice of me. This end of the cottage, if cottage it +could be called, was destitute of furniture, except the table with the +lamp, and the chair on which the woman sat. In one corner was a door, +apparently of a cupboard in the wall, but which might lead to a room +beyond. Still the irresistible desire which had made me enter the +building urged me: I must open that door, and see what was beyond it. +I approached, and laid my hand on the rude latch. Then the woman spoke, +but without lifting her head or looking at me: "You had better not open +that door." This was uttered quite quietly; and she went on with her +reading, partly in silence, partly aloud; but both modes seemed equally +intended for herself alone. The prohibition, however, only increased my +desire to see; and as she took no further notice, I gently opened the +door to its full width, and looked in. At first, I saw nothing worthy +of attention. It seemed a common closet, with shelves on each hand, on +which stood various little necessaries for the humble uses of a cottage. +In one corner stood one or two brooms, in another a hatchet and other +common tools; showing that it was in use every hour of the day for +household purposes. But, as I looked, I saw that there were no shelves +at the back, and that an empty space went in further; its termination +appearing to be a faintly glimmering wall or curtain, somewhat less, +however, than the width and height of the doorway where I stood. But, +as I continued looking, for a few seconds, towards this faintly luminous +limit, my eyes came into true relation with their object. All at once, +with such a shiver as when one is suddenly conscious of the presence of +another in a room where he has, for hours, considered himself alone, I +saw that the seemingly luminous extremity was a sky, as of night, beheld +through the long perspective of a narrow, dark passage, through what, or +built of what, I could not tell. As I gazed, I clearly discerned two or +three stars glimmering faintly in the distant blue. But, suddenly, and +as if it had been running fast from a far distance for this very point, +and had turned the corner without abating its swiftness, a dark figure +sped into and along the passage from the blue opening at the remote end. +I started back and shuddered, but kept looking, for I could not help it. +On and on it came, with a speedy approach but delayed arrival; till, at +last, through the many gradations of approach, it seemed to come within +the sphere of myself, rushed up to me, and passed me into the cottage. +All I could tell of its appearance was, that it seemed to be a dark +human figure. Its motion was entirely noiseless, and might be called a +gliding, were it not that it appeared that of a runner, but with ghostly +feet. I had moved back yet a little to let him pass me, and looked round +after him instantly. I could not see him. + +"Where is he?" I said, in some alarm, to the woman, who still sat +reading. + +"There, on the floor, behind you," she said, pointing with her arm +half-outstretched, but not lifting her eyes. I turned and looked, but +saw nothing. Then with a feeling that there was yet something behind me, +I looked round over my shoulder; and there, on the ground, lay a black +shadow, the size of a man. It was so dark, that I could see it in the +dim light of the lamp, which shone full upon it, apparently without +thinning at all the intensity of its hue. + +"I told you," said the woman, "you had better not look into that +closet." + +"What is it?" I said, with a growing sense of horror. + +"It is only your shadow that has found you," she replied. "Everybody's +shadow is ranging up and down looking for him. I believe you call it by +a different name in your world: yours has found you, as every person's +is almost certain to do who looks into that closet, especially after +meeting one in the forest, whom I dare say you have met." + +Here, for the first time, she lifted her head, and looked full at me: +her mouth was full of long, white, shining teeth; and I knew that I was +in the house of the ogre. I could not speak, but turned and left the +house, with the shadow at my heels. "A nice sort of valet to have," I +said to myself bitterly, as I stepped into the sunshine, and, looking +over my shoulder, saw that it lay yet blacker in the full blaze of the +sunlight. Indeed, only when I stood between it and the sun, was the +blackness at all diminished. I was so bewildered--stunned--both by the +event itself and its suddenness, that I could not at all realise to +myself what it would be to have such a constant and strange attendance; +but with a dim conviction that my present dislike would soon grow to +loathing, I took my dreary way through the wood. + + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + "O lady! we receive but what we give, + And in our life alone does nature live: + Ours is her wedding garments ours her shrorwd! + . . . . . + Ah! from the soul itself must issue forth, + A light, a glory, a fair luminous cloud, + + Enveloping the Earth-- + And from the soul itself must there be sent + A sweet and potent voice of its own birth, + Of all sweet sounds the life and element!" + COLERIDGE. + +From this time, until I arrived at the palace of Fairy Land, I can +attempt no consecutive account of my wanderings and adventures. +Everything, henceforward, existed for me in its relation to my +attendant. What influence he exercised upon everything into contact with +which I was brought, may be understood from a few detached instances. To +begin with this very day on which he first joined me: after I had walked +heartlessly along for two or three hours, I was very weary, and lay +down to rest in a most delightful part of the forest, carpeted with wild +flowers. I lay for half an hour in a dull repose, and then got up to +pursue my way. The flowers on the spot where I had lain were crushed to +the earth: but I saw that they would soon lift their heads and rejoice +again in the sun and air. Not so those on which my shadow had lain. The +very outline of it could be traced in the withered lifeless grass, +and the scorched and shrivelled flowers which stood there, dead, and +hopeless of any resurrection. I shuddered, and hastened away with sad +forebodings. + +In a few days, I had reason to dread an extension of its baleful +influences from the fact, that it was no longer confined to one position +in regard to myself. Hitherto, when seized with an irresistible desire +to look on my evil demon (which longing would unaccountably seize me at +any moment, returning at longer or shorter intervals, sometimes every +minute), I had to turn my head backwards, and look over my shoulder; in +which position, as long as I could retain it, I was fascinated. But one +day, having come out on a clear grassy hill, which commanded a glorious +prospect, though of what I cannot now tell, my shadow moved round, and +came in front of me. And, presently, a new manifestation increased +my distress. For it began to coruscate, and shoot out on all sides a +radiation of dim shadow. These rays of gloom issued from the central +shadow as from a black sun, lengthening and shortening with continual +change. But wherever a ray struck, that part of earth, or sea, or +sky, became void, and desert, and sad to my heart. On this, the first +development of its new power, one ray shot out beyond the rest, seeming +to lengthen infinitely, until it smote the great sun on the face, which +withered and darkened beneath the blow. I turned away and went on. The +shadow retreated to its former position; and when I looked again, it +had drawn in all its spears of darkness, and followed like a dog at my +heels. + +Once, as I passed by a cottage, there came out a lovely fairy child, +with two wondrous toys, one in each hand. The one was the tube through +which the fairy-gifted poet looks when he beholds the same thing +everywhere; the other that through which he looks when he combines into +new forms of loveliness those images of beauty which his own choice has +gathered from all regions wherein he has travelled. Round the child's +head was an aureole of emanating rays. As I looked at him in wonder and +delight, round crept from behind me the something dark, and the child +stood in my shadow. Straightway he was a commonplace boy, with a rough +broad-brimmed straw hat, through which brim the sun shone from behind. +The toys he carried were a multiplying-glass and a kaleidoscope. I +sighed and departed. + +One evening, as a great silent flood of western gold flowed through an +avenue in the woods, down the stream, just as when I saw him first, came +the sad knight, riding on his chestnut steed. + +But his armour did not shine half so red as when I saw him first. + +Many a blow of mighty sword and axe, turned aside by the strength of +his mail, and glancing adown the surface, had swept from its path the +fretted rust, and the glorious steel had answered the kindly blow with +the thanks of returning light. These streaks and spots made his armour +look like the floor of a forest in the sunlight. His forehead was higher +than before, for the contracting wrinkles were nearly gone; and the +sadness that remained on his face was the sadness of a dewy summer +twilight, not that of a frosty autumn morn. He, too, had met the +Alder-maiden as I, but he had plunged into the torrent of mighty deeds, +and the stain was nearly washed away. No shadow followed him. He had +not entered the dark house; he had not had time to open the closet door. +"Will he ever look in?" I said to myself. "MUST his shadow find him some +day?" But I could not answer my own questions. + +We travelled together for two days, and I began to love him. It was +plain that he suspected my story in some degree; and I saw him once or +twice looking curiously and anxiously at my attendant gloom, which all +this time had remained very obsequiously behind me; but I offered no +explanation, and he asked none. Shame at my neglect of his warning, and +a horror which shrunk from even alluding to its cause, kept me silent; +till, on the evening of the second day, some noble words from my +companion roused all my heart; and I was at the point of falling on +his neck, and telling him the whole story; seeking, if not for +helpful advice, for of that I was hopeless, yet for the comfort of +sympathy--when round slid the shadow and inwrapt my friend; and I could +not trust him. + +The glory of his brow vanished; the light of his eye grew cold; and I +held my peace. The next morning we parted. + +But the most dreadful thing of all was, that I now began to feel +something like satisfaction in the presence of the shadow. I began to +be rather vain of my attendant, saying to myself, "In a land like this, +with so many illusions everywhere, I need his aid to disenchant the +things around me. He does away with all appearances, and shows me things +in their true colour and form. And I am not one to be fooled with the +vanities of the common crowd. I will not see beauty where there is +none. I will dare to behold things as they are. And if I live in a waste +instead of a paradise, I will live knowing where I live." But of this +a certain exercise of his power which soon followed quite cured me, +turning my feelings towards him once more into loathing and distrust. It +was thus: + +One bright noon, a little maiden joined me, coming through the wood in +a direction at right angles to my path. She came along singing and +dancing, happy as a child, though she seemed almost a woman. In her +hands--now in one, now in another--she carried a small globe, bright and +clear as the purest crystal. This seemed at once her plaything and her +greatest treasure. At one moment, you would have thought her utterly +careless of it, and at another, overwhelmed with anxiety for its safety. +But I believe she was taking care of it all the time, perhaps not least +when least occupied about it. She stopped by me with a smile, and bade +me good day with the sweetest voice. I felt a wonderful liking to the +child--for she produced on me more the impression of a child, though my +understanding told me differently. We talked a little, and then walked +on together in the direction I had been pursuing. I asked her about the +globe she carried, but getting no definite answer, I held out my hand +to take it. She drew back, and said, but smiling almost invitingly the +while, "You must not touch it;"--then, after a moment's pause--"Or if +you do, it must be very gently." I touched it with a finger. A slight +vibratory motion arose in it, accompanied, or perhaps manifested, by +a faint sweet sound. I touched it again, and the sound increased. I +touched it the third time: a tiny torrent of harmony rolled out of the +little globe. She would not let me touch it any more. + +We travelled on together all that day. She left me when twilight came +on; but next day, at noon, she met me as before, and again we travelled +till evening. The third day she came once more at noon, and we walked on +together. Now, though we had talked about a great many things connected +with Fairy Land, and the life she had led hitherto, I had never been +able to learn anything about the globe. This day, however, as we went +on, the shadow glided round and inwrapt the maiden. It could not change +her. But my desire to know about the globe, which in his gloom began to +waver as with an inward light, and to shoot out flashes of many-coloured +flame, grew irresistible. I put out both my hands and laid hold of it. +It began to sound as before. The sound rapidly increased, till it grew +a low tempest of harmony, and the globe trembled, and quivered, and +throbbed between my hands. I had not the heart to pull it away from the +maiden, though I held it in spite of her attempts to take it from me; +yes, I shame to say, in spite of her prayers, and, at last, her tears. +The music went on growing in, intensity and complication of tones, and +the globe vibrated and heaved; till at last it burst in our hands, and +a black vapour broke upwards from out of it; then turned, as if blown +sideways, and enveloped the maiden, hiding even the shadow in its +blackness. She held fast the fragments, which I abandoned, and fled from +me into the forest in the direction whence she had come, wailing like +a child, and crying, "You have broken my globe; my globe is broken--my +globe is broken!" I followed her, in the hope of comforting her; but +had not pursued her far, before a sudden cold gust of wind bowed the +tree-tops above us, and swept through their stems around us; a great +cloud overspread the day, and a fierce tempest came on, in which I lost +sight of her. It lies heavy on my heart to this hour. At night, ere I +fall asleep, often, whatever I may be thinking about, I suddenly hear +her voice, crying out, "You have broken my globe; my globe is broken; +ah, my globe!" + +Here I will mention one more strange thing; but whether this peculiarity +was owing to my shadow at all, I am not able to assure myself. I came +to a village, the inhabitants of which could not at first sight be +distinguished from the dwellers in our land. They rather avoided than +sought my company, though they were very pleasant when I addressed them. +But at last I observed, that whenever I came within a certain distance +of any one of them, which distance, however, varied with different +individuals, the whole appearance of the person began to change; and +this change increased in degree as I approached. When I receded to the +former distance, the former appearance was restored. The nature of the +change was grotesque, following no fixed rule. The nearest resemblance +to it that I know, is the distortion produced in your countenance when +you look at it as reflected in a concave or convex surface--say, either +side of a bright spoon. Of this phenomenon I first became aware in +rather a ludicrous way. My host's daughter was a very pleasant pretty +girl, who made herself more agreeable to me than most of those about me. +For some days my companion-shadow had been less obtrusive than usual; +and such was the reaction of spirits occasioned by the simple mitigation +of torment, that, although I had cause enough besides to be gloomy, I +felt light and comparatively happy. My impression is, that she was quite +aware of the law of appearances that existed between the people of the +place and myself, and had resolved to amuse herself at my expense; for +one evening, after some jesting and raillery, she, somehow or other, +provoked me to attempt to kiss her. But she was well defended from +any assault of the kind. Her countenance became, of a sudden, absurdly +hideous; the pretty mouth was elongated and otherwise amplified +sufficiently to have allowed of six simultaneous kisses. I started back +in bewildered dismay; she burst into the merriest fit of laughter, and +ran from the room. I soon found that the same undefinable law of change +operated between me and all the other villagers; and that, to feel I was +in pleasant company, it was absolutely necessary for me to discover and +observe the right focal distance between myself and each one with whom +I had to do. This done, all went pleasantly enough. Whether, when I +happened to neglect this precaution, I presented to them an equally +ridiculous appearance, I did not ascertain; but I presume that the +alteration was common to the approximating parties. I was likewise +unable to determine whether I was a necessary party to the production of +this strange transformation, or whether it took place as well, under the +given circumstances, between the inhabitants themselves. + + + + +CHAPTER X + + "From Eden's bowers the full-fed rivers flow, + To guide the outcasts to the land of woe: + Our Earth one little toiling streamlet yields. + To guide the wanderers to the happy fields." + + After leaving this village, where I had rested for nearly a +week, I travelled through a desert region of dry sand and glittering +rocks, peopled principally by goblin-fairies. When I first entered their +domains, and, indeed, whenever I fell in with another tribe of them, +they began mocking me with offered handfuls of gold and jewels, making +hideous grimaces at me, and performing the most antic homage, as if they +thought I expected reverence, and meant to humour me like a maniac. But +ever, as soon as one cast his eyes on the shadow behind me, he made a +wry face, partly of pity, partly of contempt, and looked ashamed, as +if he had been caught doing something inhuman; then, throwing down his +handful of gold, and ceasing all his grimaces, he stood aside to let me +pass in peace, and made signs to his companions to do the like. I had no +inclination to observe them much, for the shadow was in my heart as well +as at my heels. I walked listlessly and almost hopelessly along, till I +arrived one day at a small spring; which, bursting cool from the heart +of a sun-heated rock, flowed somewhat southwards from the direction I +had been taking. I drank of this spring, and found myself wonderfully +refreshed. A kind of love to the cheerful little stream arose in my +heart. It was born in a desert; but it seemed to say to itself, "I will +flow, and sing, and lave my banks, till I make my desert a paradise." +I thought I could not do better than follow it, and see what it made +of it. So down with the stream I went, over rocky lands, burning with +sunbeams. But the rivulet flowed not far, before a few blades of +grass appeared on its banks, and then, here and there, a stunted bush. +Sometimes it disappeared altogether under ground; and after I had +wandered some distance, as near as I could guess, in the direction it +seemed to take, I would suddenly hear it again, singing, sometimes far +away to my right or left, amongst new rocks, over which it made new +cataracts of watery melodies. The verdure on its banks increased as it +flowed; other streams joined it; and at last, after many days' travel, +I found myself, one gorgeous summer evening, resting by the side of a +broad river, with a glorious horse-chestnut tree towering above me, and +dropping its blossoms, milk-white and rosy-red, all about me. As I sat, +a gush of joy sprang forth in my heart, and over flowed at my eyes. + +Through my tears, the whole landscape glimmered in such bewildering +loveliness, that I felt as if I were entering Fairy Land for the first +time, and some loving hand were waiting to cool my head, and a loving +word to warm my heart. Roses, wild roses, everywhere! So plentiful were +they, they not only perfumed the air, they seemed to dye it a faint +rose-hue. The colour floated abroad with the scent, and clomb, and +spread, until the whole west blushed and glowed with the gathered +incense of roses. And my heart fainted with longing in my bosom. + +Could I but see the Spirit of the Earth, as I saw once the in dwelling +woman of the beech-tree, and my beauty of the pale marble, I should be +content. Content!--Oh, how gladly would I die of the light of her eyes! +Yea, I would cease to be, if that would bring me one word of love from +the one mouth. The twilight sank around, and infolded me with sleep. I +slept as I had not slept for months. I did not awake till late in the +morning; when, refreshed in body and mind, I rose as from the death that +wipes out the sadness of life, and then dies itself in the new morrow. +Again I followed the stream; now climbing a steep rocky bank that hemmed +it in; now wading through long grasses and wild flowers in its path; now +through meadows; and anon through woods that crowded down to the very +lip of the water. + +At length, in a nook of the river, gloomy with the weight of overhanging +foliage, and still and deep as a soul in which the torrent eddies of +pain have hollowed a great gulf, and then, subsiding in violence, have +left it full of a motionless, fathomless sorrow--I saw a little boat +lying. So still was the water here, that the boat needed no fastening. +It lay as if some one had just stepped ashore, and would in a moment +return. But as there were no signs of presence, and no track through the +thick bushes; and, moreover, as I was in Fairy Land where one does very +much as he pleases, I forced my way to the brink, stepped into the boat, +pushed it, with the help of the tree-branches, out into the stream, +lay down in the bottom, and let my boat and me float whither the stream +would carry us. I seemed to lose myself in the great flow of sky above +me unbroken in its infinitude, except when now and then, coming nearer +the shore at a bend in the river, a tree would sweep its mighty head +silently above mine, and glide away back into the past, never more to +fling its shadow over me. I fell asleep in this cradle, in which mother +Nature was rocking her weary child; and while I slept, the sun slept +not, but went round his arched way. When I awoke, he slept in the +waters, and I went on my silent path beneath a round silvery moon. And +a pale moon looked up from the floor of the great blue cave that lay in +the abysmal silence beneath. + +Why are all reflections lovelier than what we call the reality?--not +so grand or so strong, it may be, but always lovelier? Fair as is the +gliding sloop on the shining sea, the wavering, trembling, unresting +sail below is fairer still. Yea, the reflecting ocean itself, reflected +in the mirror, has a wondrousness about its waters that somewhat +vanishes when I turn towards itself. All mirrors are magic mirrors. The +commonest room is a room in a poem when I turn to the glass. (And this +reminds me, while I write, of a strange story which I read in the fairy +palace, and of which I will try to make a feeble memorial in its place.) +In whatever way it may be accounted for, of one thing we may be sure, +that this feeling is no cheat; for there is no cheating in nature and +the simple unsought feelings of the soul. There must be a truth involved +in it, though we may but in part lay hold of the meaning. Even the +memories of past pain are beautiful; and past delights, though beheld +only through clefts in the grey clouds of sorrow, are lovely as Fairy +Land. But how have I wandered into the deeper fairyland of the soul, +while as yet I only float towards the fairy palace of Fairy Land! The +moon, which is the lovelier memory or reflex of the down-gone sun, the +joyous day seen in the faint mirror of the brooding night, had rapt me +away. + +I sat up in the boat. Gigantic forest trees were about me; through +which, like a silver snake, twisted and twined the great river. The +little waves, when I moved in the boat, heaved and fell with a plash +as of molten silver, breaking the image of the moon into a thousand +morsels, fusing again into one, as the ripples of laughter die into the +still face of joy. The sleeping woods, in undefined massiveness; the +water that flowed in its sleep; and, above all, the enchantress moon, +which had cast them all, with her pale eye, into the charmed slumber, +sank into my soul, and I felt as if I had died in a dream, and should +never more awake. + +From this I was partly aroused by a glimmering of white, that, through +the trees on the left, vaguely crossed my vision, as I gazed upwards. +But the trees again hid the object; and at the moment, some strange +melodious bird took up its song, and sang, not an ordinary bird-song, +with constant repetitions of the same melody, but what sounded like +a continuous strain, in which one thought was expressed, deepening in +intensity as evolved in progress. It sounded like a welcome already +overshadowed with the coming farewell. As in all sweetest music, a tinge +of sadness was in every note. Nor do we know how much of the pleasures +even of life we owe to the intermingled sorrows. Joy cannot unfold +the deepest truths, although deepest truth must be deepest joy. Cometh +white-robed Sorrow, stooping and wan, and flingeth wide the doors she +may not enter. Almost we linger with Sorrow for very love. + +As the song concluded the stream bore my little boat with a gentle sweep +round a bend of the river; and lo! on a broad lawn, which rose from the +water's edge with a long green slope to a clear elevation from which the +trees receded on all sides, stood a stately palace glimmering ghostly in +the moonshine: it seemed to be built throughout of the whitest marble. +There was no reflection of moonlight from windows--there seemed to be +none; so there was no cold glitter; only, as I said, a ghostly shimmer. +Numberless shadows tempered the shine, from column and balcony and +tower. For everywhere galleries ran along the face of the buildings; +wings were extended in many directions; and numberless openings, through +which the moonbeams vanished into the interior, and which served +both for doors and windows, had their separate balconies in front, +communicating with a common gallery that rose on its own pillars. +Of course, I did not discover all this from the river, and in the +moonlight. But, though I was there for many days, I did not succeed +in mastering the inner topography of the building, so extensive and +complicated was it. + +Here I wished to land, but the boat had no oars on board. However, I +found that a plank, serving for a seat, was unfastened, and with that I +brought the boat to the bank and scrambled on shore. Deep soft turf sank +beneath my feet, as I went up the ascent towards the palace. + +When I reached it, I saw that it stood on a great platform of marble, +with an ascent, by broad stairs of the same, all round it. Arrived on +the platform, I found there was an extensive outlook over the forest, +which, however, was rather veiled than revealed by the moonlight. + +Entering by a wide gateway, but without gates, into an inner court, +surrounded on all sides by great marble pillars supporting galleries +above, I saw a large fountain of porphyry in the middle, throwing up a +lofty column of water, which fell, with a noise as of the fusion of all +sweet sounds, into a basin beneath; overflowing which, it ran into a +single channel towards the interior of the building. Although the moon +was by this time so low in the west, that not a ray of her light fell +into the court, over the height of the surrounding buildings; yet was +the court lighted by a second reflex from the sun of other lands. For +the top of the column of water, just as it spread to fall, caught the +moonbeams, and like a great pale lamp, hung high in the night air, threw +a dim memory of light (as it were) over the court below. This court was +paved in diamonds of white and red marble. According to my custom since +I entered Fairy Land, of taking for a guide whatever I first found +moving in any direction, I followed the stream from the basin of the +fountain. It led me to a great open door, beneath the ascending steps of +which it ran through a low arch and disappeared. Entering here, I found +myself in a great hall, surrounded with white pillars, and paved with +black and white. This I could see by the moonlight, which, from the +other side, streamed through open windows into the hall. + +Its height I could not distinctly see. As soon as I entered, I had +the feeling so common to me in the woods, that there were others +there besides myself, though I could see no one, and heard no sound to +indicate a presence. Since my visit to the Church of Darkness, my power +of seeing the fairies of the higher orders had gradually diminished, +until it had almost ceased. But I could frequently believe in their +presence while unable to see them. Still, although I had company, and +doubtless of a safe kind, it seemed rather dreary to spend the night in +an empty marble hall, however beautiful, especially as the moon was near +the going down, and it would soon be dark. So I began at the place where +I entered, and walked round the hall, looking for some door or passage +that might lead me to a more hospitable chamber. As I walked, I was +deliciously haunted with the feeling that behind some one of the +seemingly innumerable pillars, one who loved me was waiting for me. Then +I thought she was following me from pillar to pillar as I went along; +but no arms came out of the faint moonlight, and no sigh assured me of +her presence. + +At length I came to an open corridor, into which I turned; +notwithstanding that, in doing so, I left the light behind. Along this +I walked with outstretched hands, groping my way, till, arriving at +another corridor, which seemed to strike off at right angles to that in +which I was, I saw at the end a faintly glimmering light, too pale even +for moonshine, resembling rather a stray phosphorescence. However, where +everything was white, a little light went a great way. So I walked on +to the end, and a long corridor it was. When I came up to the light, I +found that it proceeded from what looked like silver letters upon a door +of ebony; and, to my surprise even in the home of wonder itself, the +letters formed the words, THE CHAMBER OF SIR ANODOS. Although I had as +yet no right to the honours of a knight, I ventured to conclude that +the chamber was indeed intended for me; and, opening the door without +hesitation, I entered. Any doubt as to whether I was right in so doing, +was soon dispelled. What to my dark eyes seemed a blaze of light, burst +upon me. A fire of large pieces of some sweet-scented wood, supported by +dogs of silver, was burning on the hearth, and a bright lamp stood on a +table, in the midst of a plentiful meal, apparently awaiting my arrival. +But what surprised me more than all, was, that the room was in every +respect a copy of my own room, the room whence the little stream from my +basin had led me into Fairy Land. There was the very carpet of grass and +moss and daisies, which I had myself designed; the curtains of pale blue +silk, that fell like a cataract over the windows; the old-fashioned bed, +with the chintz furniture, on which I had slept from boyhood. "Now I +shall sleep," I said to myself. "My shadow dares not come here." + +I sat down to the table, and began to help myself to the good things +before me with confidence. And now I found, as in many instances before, +how true the fairy tales are; for I was waited on, all the time of my +meal, by invisible hands. I had scarcely to do more than look towards +anything I wanted, when it was brought me, just as if it had come to me +of itself. My glass was kept filled with the wine I had chosen, until +I looked towards another bottle or decanter; when a fresh glass was +substituted, and the other wine supplied. When I had eaten and drank +more heartily and joyfully than ever since I entered Fairy Land, the +whole was removed by several attendants, of whom some were male and some +female, as I thought I could distinguish from the way the dishes were +lifted from the table, and the motion with which they were carried out +of the room. As soon as they were all taken away, I heard a sound as of +the shutting of a door, and knew that I was left alone. I sat long by +the fire, meditating, and wondering how it would all end; and when at +length, wearied with thinking, I betook myself to my own bed, it was +half with a hope that, when I awoke in the morning, I should awake not +only in my own room, but in my own castle also; and that I should walk, +out upon my own native soil, and find that Fairy Land was, after all, +only a vision of the night. The sound of the falling waters of the +fountain floated me into oblivion. + + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + "A wilderness of building, sinking far + And self-withdrawn into a wondrous depth, + Far sinking into splendour--without end: + Fabric it seemed of diamond and of gold, + With alabaster domes, and silver spires, + And blazing terrace upon terrace, high + Uplifted." + WORDSWORTH. + +But when, after a sleep, which, although dreamless, yet left behind it a +sense of past blessedness, I awoke in the full morning, I found, indeed, +that the room was still my own; but that it looked abroad upon an +unknown landscape of forest and hill and dale on the one side--and on +the other, upon the marble court, with the great fountain, the crest of +which now flashed glorious in the sun, and cast on the pavement beneath +a shower of faint shadows from the waters that fell from it into the +marble basin below. + +Agreeably to all authentic accounts of the treatment of travellers in +Fairy Land, I found by my bedside a complete suit of fresh clothing, +just such as I was in the habit of wearing; for, though varied +sufficiently from the one removed, it was yet in complete accordance +with my tastes. I dressed myself in this, and went out. The whole palace +shone like silver in the sun. The marble was partly dull and partly +polished; and every pinnacle, dome, and turret ended in a ball, or cone, +or cusp of silver. It was like frost-work, and too dazzling, in the sun, +for earthly eyes like mine. + +I will not attempt to describe the environs, save by saying, that all +the pleasures to be found in the most varied and artistic arrangement of +wood and river, lawn and wild forest, garden and shrubbery, rocky hill +and luxurious vale; in living creatures wild and tame, in gorgeous +birds, scattered fountains, little streams, and reedy lakes--all were +here. Some parts of the palace itself I shall have occasion to describe +more minutely. + +For this whole morning I never thought of my demon shadow; and not till +the weariness which supervened on delight brought it again to my +memory, did I look round to see if it was behind me: it was scarcely +discernible. But its presence, however faintly revealed, sent a pang to +my heart, for the pain of which, not all the beauties around me could +compensate. It was followed, however, by the comforting reflection that, +peradventure, I might here find the magic word of power to banish +the demon and set me free, so that I should no longer be a man beside +myself. The Queen of Fairy Land, thought I, must dwell here: surely she +will put forth her power to deliver me, and send me singing through +the further gates of her country back to my own land. "Shadow of me!" +I said; "which art not me, but which representest thyself to me as me; +here I may find a shadow of light which will devour thee, the shadow of +darkness! Here I may find a blessing which will fall on thee as a curse, +and damn thee to the blackness whence thou hast emerged unbidden." I +said this, stretched at length on the slope of the lawn above the river; +and as the hope arose within me, the sun came forth from a light fleecy +cloud that swept across his face; and hill and dale, and the great river +winding on through the still mysterious forest, flashed back his rays as +with a silent shout of joy; all nature lived and glowed; the very earth +grew warm beneath me; a magnificent dragon-fly went past me like an +arrow from a bow, and a whole concert of birds burst into choral song. + +The heat of the sun soon became too intense even for passive support. I +therefore rose, and sought the shelter of one of the arcades. Wandering +along from one to another of these, wherever my heedless steps led me, +and wondering everywhere at the simple magnificence of the building, I +arrived at another hall, the roof of which was of a pale blue, spangled +with constellations of silver stars, and supported by porphyry pillars +of a paler red than ordinary.--In this house (I may remark in passing), +silver seemed everywhere preferred to gold; and such was the purity of +the air, that it showed nowhere signs of tarnishing.--The whole of the +floor of this hall, except a narrow path behind the pillars, paved with +black, was hollowed into a huge basin, many feet deep, and filled with +the purest, most liquid and radiant water. The sides of the basin were +white marble, and the bottom was paved with all kinds of refulgent +stones, of every shape and hue. + +In their arrangement, you would have supposed, at first sight, that +there was no design, for they seemed to lie as if cast there from +careless and playful hands; but it was a most harmonious confusion; and +as I looked at the play of their colours, especially when the waters +were in motion, I came at last to feel as if not one little pebble could +be displaced, without injuring the effect of the whole. Beneath this +floor of the water, lay the reflection of the blue inverted roof, +fretted with its silver stars, like a second deeper sea, clasping and +upholding the first. The fairy bath was probably fed from the fountain +in the court. Led by an irresistible desire, I undressed, and plunged +into the water. It clothed me as with a new sense and its object both in +one. The waters lay so close to me, they seemed to enter and revive my +heart. I rose to the surface, shook the water from my hair, and swam as +in a rainbow, amid the coruscations of the gems below seen through the +agitation caused by my motion. Then, with open eyes, I dived, and swam +beneath the surface. And here was a new wonder. For the basin, thus +beheld, appeared to extend on all sides like a sea, with here and there +groups as of ocean rocks, hollowed by ceaseless billows into wondrous +caves and grotesque pinnacles. Around the caves grew sea-weeds of all +hues, and the corals glowed between; while far off, I saw the glimmer +of what seemed to be creatures of human form at home in the waters. I +thought I had been enchanted; and that when I rose to the surface, I +should find myself miles from land, swimming alone upon a heaving +sea; but when my eyes emerged from the waters, I saw above me the blue +spangled vault, and the red pillars around. I dived again, and found +myself once more in the heart of a great sea. I then arose, and swam to +the edge, where I got out easily, for the water reached the very brim, +and, as I drew near washed in tiny waves over the black marble border. I +dressed, and went out, deeply refreshed. + +And now I began to discern faint, gracious forms, here and there +throughout the building. Some walked together in earnest conversation. +Others strayed alone. Some stood in groups, as if looking at and talking +about a picture or a statue. None of them heeded me. Nor were they +plainly visible to my eyes. Sometimes a group, or single individual, +would fade entirely out of the realm of my vision as I gazed. When +evening came, and the moon arose, clear as a round of a horizon-sea when +the sun hangs over it in the west, I began to see them all more +plainly; especially when they came between me and the moon; and yet more +especially, when I myself was in the shade. But, even then, I sometimes +saw only the passing wave of a white robe; or a lovely arm or neck +gleamed by in the moonshine; or white feet went walking alone over the +moony sward. Nor, I grieve to say, did I ever come much nearer to these +glorious beings, or ever look upon the Queen of the Fairies herself. My +destiny ordered otherwise. + +In this palace of marble and silver, and fountains and moonshine, I +spent many days; waited upon constantly in my room with everything +desirable, and bathing daily in the fairy bath. All this time I was +little troubled with my demon shadow I had a vague feeling that he was +somewhere about the palace; but it seemed as if the hope that I should +in this place be finally freed from his hated presence, had sufficed to +banish him for a time. How and where I found him, I shall soon have to +relate. + +The third day after my arrival, I found the library of the palace; and +here, all the time I remained, I spent most of the middle of the day. +For it was, not to mention far greater attractions, a luxurious retreat +from the noontide sun. During the mornings and afternoons, I wandered +about the lovely neighbourhood, or lay, lost in delicious day-dreams, +beneath some mighty tree on the open lawn. My evenings were by-and-by +spent in a part of the palace, the account of which, and of my +adventures in connection with it, I must yet postpone for a little. + +The library was a mighty hall, lighted from the roof, which was formed +of something like glass, vaulted over in a single piece, and stained +throughout with a great mysterious picture in gorgeous colouring. + +The walls were lined from floor to roof with books and books: most of +them in ancient bindings, but some in strange new fashions which I had +never seen, and which, were I to make the attempt, I could ill describe. +All around the walls, in front of the books, ran galleries in rows, +communicating by stairs. These galleries were built of all kinds of +coloured stones; all sorts of marble and granite, with porphyry, jasper, +lapis lazuli, agate, and various others, were ranged in wonderful melody +of successive colours. Although the material, then, of which these +galleries and stairs were built, rendered necessary a certain degree +of massiveness in the construction, yet such was the size of the place, +that they seemed to run along the walls like cords. + +Over some parts of the library, descended curtains of silk of various +dyes, none of which I ever saw lifted while I was there; and I felt +somehow that it would be presumptuous in me to venture to look within +them. But the use of the other books seemed free; and day after day I +came to the library, threw myself on one of the many sumptuous eastern +carpets, which lay here and there on the floor, and read, and read, +until weary; if that can be designated as weariness, which was rather +the faintness of rapturous delight; or until, sometimes, the failing of +the light invited me to go abroad, in the hope that a cool gentle breeze +might have arisen to bathe, with an airy invigorating bath, the limbs +which the glow of the burning spirit within had withered no less than +the glow of the blazing sun without. + +One peculiarity of these books, or at least most of those I looked into, +I must make a somewhat vain attempt to describe. + +If, for instance, it was a book of metaphysics I opened, I had scarcely +read two pages before I seemed to myself to be pondering over discovered +truth, and constructing the intellectual machine whereby to communicate +the discovery to my fellow men. With some books, however, of this +nature, it seemed rather as if the process was removed yet a great way +further back; and I was trying to find the root of a manifestation, +the spiritual truth whence a material vision sprang; or to combine +two propositions, both apparently true, either at once or in different +remembered moods, and to find the point in which their invisibly +converging lines would unite in one, revealing a truth higher than +either and differing from both; though so far from being opposed to +either, that it was that whence each derived its life and power. Or if +the book was one of travels, I found myself the traveller. New +lands, fresh experiences, novel customs, rose around me. I walked, I +discovered, I fought, I suffered, I rejoiced in my success. Was it a +history? I was the chief actor therein. I suffered my own blame; I was +glad in my own praise. With a fiction it was the same. Mine was the +whole story. For I took the place of the character who was most like +myself, and his story was mine; until, grown weary with the life of +years condensed in an hour, or arrived at my deathbed, or the end of the +volume, I would awake, with a sudden bewilderment, to the consciousness +of my present life, recognising the walls and roof around me, and +finding I joyed or sorrowed only in a book. If the book was a poem, the +words disappeared, or took the subordinate position of an accompaniment +to the succession of forms and images that rose and vanished with a +soundless rhythm, and a hidden rime. + +In one, with a mystical title, which I cannot recall, I read of a +world that is not like ours. The wondrous account, in such a feeble, +fragmentary way as is possible to me, I would willingly impart. Whether +or not it was all a poem, I cannot tell; but, from the impulse I felt, +when I first contemplated writing it, to break into rime, to which +impulse I shall give way if it comes upon me again, I think it must have +been, partly at least, in verse. + + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + "Chained is the Spring. The night-wind bold + Blows over the hard earth; + Time is not more confused and cold, + Nor keeps more wintry mirth. + + "Yet blow, and roll the world about; + Blow, Time--blow, winter's Wind! + Through chinks of Time, heaven peepeth out, + And Spring the frost behind." + G. E. M. + +They who believe in the influences of the stars over the fates of men, +are, in feeling at least, nearer the truth than they who regard the +heavenly bodies as related to them merely by a common obedience to an +external law. All that man sees has to do with man. Worlds cannot be +without an intermundane relationship. The community of the centre of +all creation suggests an interradiating connection and dependence of +the parts. Else a grander idea is conceivable than that which is already +imbodied. The blank, which is only a forgotten life, lying behind the +consciousness, and the misty splendour, which is an undeveloped +life, lying before it, may be full of mysterious revelations of other +connexions with the worlds around us, than those of science and +poetry. No shining belt or gleaming moon, no red and green glory in a +self-encircling twin-star, but has a relation with the hidden things +of a man's soul, and, it may be, with the secret history of his body as +well. They are portions of the living house wherein he abides. + + Through the realms of the monarch Sun + Creeps a world, whose course had begun, + On a weary path with a weary pace, + Before the Earth sprang forth on her race: + But many a time the Earth had sped + Around the path she still must tread, + Ere the elder planet, on leaden wing, + Once circled the court of the planet's king. + + There, in that lonely and distant star, + The seasons are not as our seasons are; + But many a year hath Autumn to dress + The trees in their matron loveliness; + As long hath old Winter in triumph to go + O'er beauties dead in his vaults below; + And many a year the Spring doth wear + Combing the icicles from her hair; + And Summer, dear Summer, hath years of June, + With large white clouds, and cool showers at noon: + And a beauty that grows to a weight like grief, + Till a burst of tears is the heart's relief. + + Children, born when Winter is king, + May never rejoice in the hoping Spring; + Though their own heart-buds are bursting with joy, + And the child hath grown to the girl or boy; + But may die with cold and icy hours + Watching them ever in place of flowers. + And some who awake from their primal sleep, + When the sighs of Summer through forests creep, + Live, and love, and are loved again; + Seek for pleasure, and find its pain; + Sink to their last, their forsaken sleeping, + With the same sweet odours around them creeping. + +Now the children, there, are not born as the children are born in worlds +nearer to the sun. For they arrive no one knows how. A maiden, walking +alone, hears a cry: for even there a cry is the first utterance; and +searching about, she findeth, under an overhanging rock, or within a +clump of bushes, or, it may be, betwixt gray stones on the side of a +hill, or in any other sheltered and unexpected spot, a little child. +This she taketh tenderly, and beareth home with joy, calling out, +"Mother, mother"--if so be that her mother lives--"I have got a baby--I +have found a child!" All the household gathers round to see;--"WHERE IS +IT? WHAT IS IT LIKE? WHERE DID YOU FIND IT?" and such-like questions, +abounding. And thereupon she relates the whole story of the discovery; +for by the circumstances, such as season of the year, time of the day, +condition of the air, and such like, and, especially, the peculiar and +never-repeated aspect of the heavens and earth at the time, and the +nature of the place of shelter wherein it is found, is determined, or at +least indicated, the nature of the child thus discovered. Therefore, +at certain seasons, and in certain states of the weather, according, in +part, to their own fancy, the young women go out to look for children. +They generally avoid seeking them, though they cannot help sometimes +finding them, in places and with circumstances uncongenial to their +peculiar likings. But no sooner is a child found, than its claim for +protection and nurture obliterates all feeling of choice in the matter. +Chiefly, however, in the season of summer, which lasts so long, coming +as it does after such long intervals; and mostly in the warm evenings, +about the middle of twilight; and principally in the woods and along +the river banks, do the maidens go looking for children just as children +look for flowers. And ever as the child grows, yea, more and more as he +advances in years, will his face indicate to those who understand the +spirit of Nature, and her utterances in the face of the world, the +nature of the place of his birth, and the other circumstances thereof; +whether a clear morning sun guided his mother to the nook whence issued +the boy's low cry; or at eve the lonely maiden (for the same woman never +finds a second, at least while the first lives) discovers the girl by +the glimmer of her white skin, lying in a nest like that of the lark, +amid long encircling grasses, and the upward-gazing eyes of the lowly +daisies; whether the storm bowed the forest trees around, or the still +frost fixed in silence the else flowing and babbling stream. + +After they grow up, the men and women are but little together. There is +this peculiar difference between them, which likewise distinguishes the +women from those of the earth. The men alone have arms; the women +have only wings. Resplendent wings are they, wherein they can shroud +themselves from head to foot in a panoply of glistering glory. By these +wings alone, it may frequently be judged in what seasons, and under what +aspects, they were born. From those that came in winter, go great white +wings, white as snow; the edge of every feather shining like the sheen +of silver, so that they flash and glitter like frost in the sun. But +underneath, they are tinged with a faint pink or rose-colour. Those born +in spring have wings of a brilliant green, green as grass; and +towards the edges the feathers are enamelled like the surface of the +grass-blades. These again are white within. Those that are born in +summer have wings of a deep rose-colour, lined with pale gold. And those +born in autumn have purple wings, with a rich brown on the inside. But +these colours are modified and altered in all varieties, corresponding +to the mood of the day and hour, as well as the season of the year; and +sometimes I found the various colours so intermingled, that I could not +determine even the season, though doubtless the hieroglyphic could be +deciphered by more experienced eyes. One splendour, in particular, I +remember--wings of deep carmine, with an inner down of warm gray, around +a form of brilliant whiteness. + +She had been found as the sun went down through a low sea-fog, casting +crimson along a broad sea-path into a little cave on the shore, where a +bathing maiden saw her lying. + +But though I speak of sun and fog, and sea and shore, the world there +is in some respects very different from the earth whereon men live. +For instance, the waters reflect no forms. To the unaccustomed eye they +appear, if undisturbed, like the surface of a dark metal, only that +the latter would reflect indistinctly, whereas they reflect not at all, +except light which falls immediately upon them. This has a great effect +in causing the landscapes to differ from those on the earth. On +the stillest evening, no tall ship on the sea sends a long wavering +reflection almost to the feet of him on shore; the face of no maiden +brightens at its own beauty in a still forest-well. The sun and moon +alone make a glitter on the surface. The sea is like a sea of death, +ready to ingulf and never to reveal: a visible shadow of oblivion. Yet +the women sport in its waters like gorgeous sea-birds. The men more +rarely enter them. But, on the contrary, the sky reflects everything +beneath it, as if it were built of water like ours. Of course, from +its concavity there is some distortion of the reflected objects; yet +wondrous combinations of form are often to be seen in the overhanging +depth. And then it is not shaped so much like a round dome as the sky of +the earth, but, more of an egg-shape, rises to a great towering height +in the middle, appearing far more lofty than the other. When the stars +come out at night, it shows a mighty cupola, "fretted with golden +fires," wherein there is room for all tempests to rush and rave. + +One evening in early summer, I stood with a group of men and women on a +steep rock that overhung the sea. They were all questioning me about my +world and the ways thereof. In making reply to one of their questions, +I was compelled to say that children are not born in the Earth as with +them. Upon this I was assailed with a whole battery of inquiries, which +at first I tried to avoid; but, at last, I was compelled, in the vaguest +manner I could invent, to make some approach to the subject in question. +Immediately a dim notion of what I meant, seemed to dawn in the minds +of most of the women. Some of them folded their great wings all around +them, as they generally do when in the least offended, and stood erect +and motionless. One spread out her rosy pinions, and flashed from the +promontory into the gulf at its foot. A great light shone in the eyes of +one maiden, who turned and walked slowly away, with her purple and white +wings half dispread behind her. She was found, the next morning, dead +beneath a withered tree on a bare hill-side, some miles inland. They +buried her where she lay, as is their custom; for, before they die, +they instinctively search for a spot like the place of their birth, and +having found one that satisfies them, they lie down, fold their wings +around them, if they be women, or cross their arms over their breasts, +if they are men, just as if they were going to sleep; and so sleep +indeed. The sign or cause of coming death is an indescribable longing +for something, they know not what, which seizes them, and drives them +into solitude, consuming them within, till the body fails. When a youth +and a maiden look too deep into each other's eyes, this longing seizes +and possesses them; but instead of drawing nearer to each other, they +wander away, each alone, into solitary places, and die of their desire. +But it seems to me, that thereafter they are born babes upon our earth: +where, if, when grown, they find each other, it goes well with them; +if not, it will seem to go ill. But of this I know nothing. When I told +them that the women on the Earth had not wings like them, but arms, they +stared, and said how bold and masculine they must look; not knowing that +their wings, glorious as they are, are but undeveloped arms. + +But see the power of this book, that, while recounting what I can recall +of its contents, I write as if myself had visited the far-off planet, +learned its ways and appearances, and conversed with its men and women. +And so, while writing, it seemed to me that I had. + +The book goes on with the story of a maiden, who, born at the close of +autumn, and living in a long, to her endless winter, set out at last +to find the regions of spring; for, as in our earth, the seasons are +divided over the globe. It begins something like this: + + She watched them dying for many a day, + Dropping from off the old trees away, + One by one; or else in a shower + Crowding over the withered flower + For as if they had done some grievous wrong, + The sun, that had nursed them and loved them so long, + Grew weary of loving, and, turning back, + Hastened away on his southern track; + And helplessly hung each shrivelled leaf, + Faded away with an idle grief. + And the gusts of wind, sad Autumn's sighs, + Mournfully swept through their families; + Casting away with a helpless moan + All that he yet might call his own, + As the child, when his bird is gone for ever, + Flingeth the cage on the wandering river. + And the giant trees, as bare as Death, + Slowly bowed to the great Wind's breath; + And groaned with trying to keep from groaning + Amidst the young trees bending and moaning. + And the ancient planet's mighty sea + Was heaving and falling most restlessly, + And the tops of the waves were broken and white, + Tossing about to ease their might; + And the river was striving to reach the main, + And the ripple was hurrying back again. + Nature lived in sadness now; + Sadness lived on the maiden's brow, + As she watched, with a fixed, half-conscious eye, + One lonely leaf that trembled on high, + Till it dropped at last from the desolate bough-- + Sorrow, oh, sorrow! 'tis winter now. + And her tears gushed forth, though it was but a leaf, + For little will loose the swollen fountain of grief: + When up to the lip the water goes, + It needs but a drop, and it overflows. + + Oh! many and many a dreary year + Must pass away ere the buds appear: + Many a night of darksome sorrow + Yield to the light of a joyless morrow, + Ere birds again, on the clothed trees, + Shall fill the branches with melodies. + She will dream of meadows with wakeful streams; + Of wavy grass in the sunny beams; + Of hidden wells that soundless spring, + Hoarding their joy as a holy thing; + Of founts that tell it all day long + To the listening woods, with exultant song; + She will dream of evenings that die into nights, + Where each sense is filled with its own delights, + And the soul is still as the vaulted sky, + Lulled with an inner harmony; + + And the flowers give out to the dewy night, + Changed into perfume, the gathered light; + And the darkness sinks upon all their host, + Till the sun sail up on the eastern coast-- + She will wake and see the branches bare, + Weaving a net in the frozen air. + + + +The story goes on to tell how, at last, weary with wintriness, she +travelled towards the southern regions of her globe, to meet the spring +on its slow way northwards; and how, after many sad adventures, many +disappointed hopes, and many tears, bitter and fruitless, she found +at last, one stormy afternoon, in a leafless forest, a single snowdrop +growing betwixt the borders of the winter and spring. She lay down +beside it and died. I almost believe that a child, pale and peaceful as +a snowdrop, was born in the Earth within a fixed season from that stormy +afternoon. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + "I saw a ship sailing upon the sea + Deeply laden as ship could be; + But not so deep as in love I am + For I care not whether I sink or swim." + Old Ballad. + + "But Love is such a Mystery + I cannot find it out: + For when I think I'm best resolv'd, + I then am in most doubt." + SIR JOHN SUCKLING. + +One story I will try to reproduce. But, alas! it is like trying to +reconstruct a forest out of broken branches and withered leaves. In the +fairy book, everything was just as it should be, though whether in words +or something else, I cannot tell. It glowed and flashed the thoughts +upon the soul, with such a power that the medium disappeared from the +consciousness, and it was occupied only with the things themselves. +My representation of it must resemble a translation from a rich and +powerful language, capable of embodying the thoughts of a splendidly +developed people, into the meagre and half-articulate speech of a savage +tribe. Of course, while I read it, I was Cosmo, and his history +was mine. Yet, all the time, I seemed to have a kind of double +consciousness, and the story a double meaning. Sometimes it seemed +only to represent a simple story of ordinary life, perhaps almost of +universal life; wherein two souls, loving each other and longing to come +nearer, do, after all, but behold each other as in a glass darkly. + +As through the hard rock go the branching silver veins; as into the +solid land run the creeks and gulfs from the unresting sea; as the +lights and influences of the upper worlds sink silently through +the earth's atmosphere; so doth Faerie invade the world of men, and +sometimes startle the common eye with an association as of cause and +effect, when between the two no connecting links can be traced. + +Cosmo von Wehrstahl was a student at the University of Prague. Though +of a noble family, he was poor, and prided himself upon the independence +that poverty gives; for what will not a man pride himself upon, when he +cannot get rid of it? A favourite with his fellow students, he yet had +no companions; and none of them had ever crossed the threshold of his +lodging in the top of one of the highest houses in the old town. Indeed, +the secret of much of that complaisance which recommended him to his +fellows, was the thought of his unknown retreat, whither in the evening +he could betake himself and indulge undisturbed in his own studies and +reveries. These studies, besides those subjects necessary to his course +at the University, embraced some less commonly known and approved; +for in a secret drawer lay the works of Albertus Magnus and Cornelius +Agrippa, along with others less read and more abstruse. As yet, however, +he had followed these researches only from curiosity, and had turned +them to no practical purpose. + +His lodging consisted of one large low-ceiled room, singularly bare of +furniture; for besides a couple of wooden chairs, a couch which served +for dreaming on both by day and night, and a great press of black oak, +there was very little in the room that could be called furniture. + +But curious instruments were heaped in the corners; and in one stood +a skeleton, half-leaning against the wall, half-supported by a string +about its neck. One of its hands, all of fingers, rested on the heavy +pommel of a great sword that stood beside it. + +Various weapons were scattered about over the floor. The walls were +utterly bare of adornment; for the few strange things, such as a large +dried bat with wings dispread, the skin of a porcupine, and a stuffed +sea-mouse, could hardly be reckoned as such. But although his fancy +delighted in vagaries like these, he indulged his imagination with far +different fare. His mind had never yet been filled with an absorbing +passion; but it lay like a still twilight open to any wind, whether the +low breath that wafts but odours, or the storm that bows the great trees +till they strain and creak. He saw everything as through a rose-coloured +glass. When he looked from his window on the street below, not a maiden +passed but she moved as in a story, and drew his thoughts after her till +she disappeared in the vista. When he walked in the streets, he always +felt as if reading a tale, into which he sought to weave every face of +interest that went by; and every sweet voice swept his soul as with the +wing of a passing angel. He was in fact a poet without words; the more +absorbed and endangered, that the springing-waters were dammed back +into his soul, where, finding no utterance, they grew, and swelled, and +undermined. He used to lie on his hard couch, and read a tale or a poem, +till the book dropped from his hand; but he dreamed on, he knew not +whether awake or asleep, until the opposite roof grew upon his sense, +and turned golden in the sunrise. Then he arose too; and the impulses of +vigorous youth kept him ever active, either in study or in sport, until +again the close of the day left him free; and the world of night, which +had lain drowned in the cataract of the day, rose up in his soul, with +all its stars, and dim-seen phantom shapes. But this could hardly last +long. Some one form must sooner or later step within the charmed circle, +enter the house of life, and compel the bewildered magician to kneel and +worship. + +One afternoon, towards dusk, he was wandering dreamily in one of the +principal streets, when a fellow student roused him by a slap on the +shoulder, and asked him to accompany him into a little back alley to +look at some old armour which he had taken a fancy to possess. Cosmo was +considered an authority in every matter pertaining to arms, ancient or +modern. In the use of weapons, none of the students could come near him; +and his practical acquaintance with some had principally contributed +to establish his authority in reference to all. He accompanied him +willingly. + +They entered a narrow alley, and thence a dirty little court, where +a low arched door admitted them into a heterogeneous assemblage of +everything musty, and dusty, and old, that could well be imagined. +His verdict on the armour was satisfactory, and his companion at once +concluded the purchase. As they were leaving the place, Cosmo's eye was +attracted by an old mirror of an elliptical shape, which leaned against +the wall, covered with dust. Around it was some curious carving, which +he could see but very indistinctly by the glimmering light which +the owner of the shop carried in his hand. It was this carving that +attracted his attention; at least so it appeared to him. He left the +place, however, with his friend, taking no further notice of it. They +walked together to the main street, where they parted and took opposite +directions. + +No sooner was Cosmo left alone, than the thought of the curious old +mirror returned to him. A strong desire to see it more plainly arose +within him, and he directed his steps once more towards the shop. The +owner opened the door when he knocked, as if he had expected him. He +was a little, old, withered man, with a hooked nose, and burning eyes +constantly in a slow restless motion, and looking here and there as if +after something that eluded them. Pretending to examine several other +articles, Cosmo at last approached the mirror, and requested to have it +taken down. + +"Take it down yourself, master; I cannot reach it," said the old man. + +Cosmo took it down carefully, when he saw that the carving was indeed +delicate and costly, being both of admirable design and execution; +containing withal many devices which seemed to embody some meaning +to which he had no clue. This, naturally, in one of his tastes and +temperament, increased the interest he felt in the old mirror; so much, +indeed, that he now longed to possess it, in order to study its frame at +his leisure. He pretended, however, to want it only for use; and saying +he feared the plate could be of little service, as it was rather old, he +brushed away a little of the dust from its face, expecting to see a dull +reflection within. His surprise was great when he found the reflection +brilliant, revealing a glass not only uninjured by age, but wondrously +clear and perfect (should the whole correspond to this part) even for +one newly from the hands of the maker. He asked carelessly what the +owner wanted for the thing. The old man replied by mentioning a sum of +money far beyond the reach of poor Cosmo, who proceeded to replace the +mirror where it had stood before. + +"You think the price too high?" said the old man. + +"I do not know that it is too much for you to ask," replied Cosmo; "but +it is far too much for me to give." + +The old man held up his light towards Cosmo's face. "I like your look," +said he. + +Cosmo could not return the compliment. In fact, now he looked closely +at him for the first time, he felt a kind of repugnance to him, mingled +with a strange feeling of doubt whether a man or a woman stood before +him. + +"What is your name?" he continued. + +"Cosmo von Wehrstahl." + +"Ah, ah! I thought as much. I see your father in you. I knew your father +very well, young sir. I dare say in some odd corners of my house, you +might find some old things with his crest and cipher upon them still. +Well, I like you: you shall have the mirror at the fourth part of what I +asked for it; but upon one condition." + +"What is that?" said Cosmo; for, although the price was still a great +deal for him to give, he could just manage it; and the desire to possess +the mirror had increased to an altogether unaccountable degree, since it +had seemed beyond his reach. + +"That if you should ever want to get rid of it again, you will let me +have the first offer." + +"Certainly," replied Cosmo, with a smile; adding, "a moderate condition +indeed." + +"On your honour?" insisted the seller. + +"On my honour," said the buyer; and the bargain was concluded. + +"I will carry it home for you," said the old man, as Cosmo took it in +his hands. + +"No, no; I will carry it myself," said he; for he had a peculiar dislike +to revealing his residence to any one, and more especially to this +person, to whom he felt every moment a greater antipathy. "Just as you +please," said the old creature, and muttered to himself as he held his +light at the door to show him out of the court: "Sold for the sixth +time! I wonder what will be the upshot of it this time. I should think +my lady had enough of it by now!" + +Cosmo carried his prize carefully home. But all the way he had an +uncomfortable feeling that he was watched and dogged. Repeatedly he +looked about, but saw nothing to justify his suspicions. Indeed, the +streets were too crowded and too ill lighted to expose very readily +a careful spy, if such there should be at his heels. He reached his +lodging in safety, and leaned his purchase against the wall, rather +relieved, strong as he was, to be rid of its weight; then, lighting his +pipe, threw himself on the couch, and was soon lapt in the folds of one +of his haunting dreams. + +He returned home earlier than usual the next day, and fixed the mirror +to the wall, over the hearth, at one end of his long room. + +He then carefully wiped away the dust from its face, and, clear as the +water of a sunny spring, the mirror shone out from beneath the envious +covering. But his interest was chiefly occupied with the curious carving +of the frame. This he cleaned as well as he could with a brush; and then +he proceeded to a minute examination of its various parts, in the hope +of discovering some index to the intention of the carver. In this, +however, he was unsuccessful; and, at length, pausing with some +weariness and disappointment, he gazed vacantly for a few moments into +the depth of the reflected room. But ere long he said, half aloud: "What +a strange thing a mirror is! and what a wondrous affinity exists between +it and a man's imagination! For this room of mine, as I behold it in +the glass, is the same, and yet not the same. It is not the mere +representation of the room I live in, but it looks just as if I were +reading about it in a story I like. All its commonness has disappeared. +The mirror has lifted it out of the region of fact into the realm of +art; and the very representing of it to me has clothed with interest +that which was otherwise hard and bare; just as one sees with delight +upon the stage the representation of a character from which one would +escape in life as from something unendurably wearisome. But is it not +rather that art rescues nature from the weary and sated regards of our +senses, and the degrading injustice of our anxious everyday life, and, +appealing to the imagination, which dwells apart, reveals Nature in some +degree as she really is, and as she represents herself to the eye of the +child, whose every-day life, fearless and unambitious, meets the true +import of the wonder-teeming world around him, and rejoices therein +without questioning? That skeleton, now--I almost fear it, standing +there so still, with eyes only for the unseen, like a watch-tower +looking across all the waste of this busy world into the quiet regions +of rest beyond. And yet I know every bone and every joint in it as well +as my own fist. And that old battle-axe looks as if any moment it might +be caught up by a mailed hand, and, borne forth by the mighty arm, go +crashing through casque, and skull, and brain, invading the Unknown with +yet another bewildered ghost. I should like to live in THAT room if I +could only get into it." + +Scarcely had the half-moulded words floated from him, as he stood gazing +into the mirror, when, striking him as with a flash of amazement that +fixed him in his posture, noiseless and unannounced, glided suddenly +through the door into the reflected room, with stately motion, yet +reluctant and faltering step, the graceful form of a woman, clothed all +in white. Her back only was visible as she walked slowly up to the +couch in the further end of the room, on which she laid herself +wearily, turning towards him a face of unutterable loveliness, in which +suffering, and dislike, and a sense of compulsion, strangely mingled +with the beauty. He stood without the power of motion for some moments, +with his eyes irrecoverably fixed upon her; and even after he was +conscious of the ability to move, he could not summon up courage to +turn and look on her, face to face, in the veritable chamber in which +he stood. At length, with a sudden effort, in which the exercise of the +will was so pure, that it seemed involuntary, he turned his face to the +couch. It was vacant. In bewilderment, mingled with terror, he turned +again to the mirror: there, on the reflected couch, lay the exquisite +lady-form. She lay with closed eyes, whence two large tears were just +welling from beneath the veiling lids; still as death, save for the +convulsive motion of her bosom. + +Cosmo himself could not have described what he felt. His emotions were +of a kind that destroyed consciousness, and could never be clearly +recalled. He could not help standing yet by the mirror, and keeping his +eyes fixed on the lady, though he was painfully aware of his rudeness, +and feared every moment that she would open hers, and meet his fixed +regard. But he was, ere long, a little relieved; for, after a while, her +eyelids slowly rose, and her eyes remained uncovered, but unemployed for +a time; and when, at length, they began to wander about the room, as if +languidly seeking to make some acquaintance with her environment, they +were never directed towards him: it seemed nothing but what was in the +mirror could affect her vision; and, therefore, if she saw him at all, +it could only be his back, which, of necessity, was turned towards her +in the glass. The two figures in the mirror could not meet face to face, +except he turned and looked at her, present in his room; and, as she was +not there, he concluded that if he were to turn towards the part in his +room corresponding to that in which she lay, his reflection would either +be invisible to her altogether, or at least it must appear to her to +gaze vacantly towards her, and no meeting of the eyes would produce +the impression of spiritual proximity. By-and-by her eyes fell upon the +skeleton, and he saw her shudder and close them. She did not open them +again, but signs of repugnance continued evident on her countenance. +Cosmo would have removed the obnoxious thing at once, but he feared to +discompose her yet more by the assertion of his presence which the act +would involve. So he stood and watched her. The eyelids yet shrouded +the eyes, as a costly case the jewels within; the troubled expression +gradually faded from the countenance, leaving only a faint sorrow +behind; the features settled into an unchanging expression of rest; and +by these signs, and the slow regular motion of her breathing, Cosmo knew +that she slept. He could now gaze on her without embarrassment. He saw +that her figure, dressed in the simplest robe of white, was worthy of +her face; and so harmonious, that either the delicately moulded foot, or +any finger of the equally delicate hand, was an index to the whole. As +she lay, her whole form manifested the relaxation of perfect repose. He +gazed till he was weary, and at last seated himself near the new-found +shrine, and mechanically took up a book, like one who watches by a +sick-bed. But his eyes gathered no thoughts from the page before him. +His intellect had been stunned by the bold contradiction, to its face, +of all its experience, and now lay passive, without assertion, or +speculation, or even conscious astonishment; while his imagination sent +one wild dream of blessedness after another coursing through his soul. +How long he sat he knew not; but at length he roused himself, rose, and, +trembling in every portion of his frame, looked again into the mirror. +She was gone. The mirror reflected faithfully what his room presented, +and nothing more. It stood there like a golden setting whence the +central jewel has been stolen away--like a night-sky without the glory +of its stars. She had carried with her all the strangeness of the +reflected room. It had sunk to the level of the one without. + +But when the first pangs of his disappointment had passed, Cosmo began +to comfort himself with the hope that she might return, perhaps the next +evening, at the same hour. Resolving that if she did, she should not +at least be scared by the hateful skeleton, he removed that and several +other articles of questionable appearance into a recess by the side of +the hearth, whence they could not possibly cast any reflection into the +mirror; and having made his poor room as tidy as he could, sought the +solace of the open sky and of a night wind that had begun to blow, for +he could not rest where he was. When he returned, somewhat composed, he +could hardly prevail with himself to lie down on his bed; for he could +not help feeling as if she had lain upon it; and for him to lie there +now would be something like sacrilege. However, weariness prevailed; and +laying himself on the couch, dressed as he was, he slept till day. + +With a beating heart, beating till he could hardly breathe, he stood +in dumb hope before the mirror, on the following evening. Again the +reflected room shone as through a purple vapour in the gathering +twilight. Everything seemed waiting like himself for a coming splendour +to glorify its poor earthliness with the presence of a heavenly joy. And +just as the room vibrated with the strokes of the neighbouring church +bell, announcing the hour of six, in glided the pale beauty, and again +laid herself on the couch. Poor Cosmo nearly lost his senses with +delight. She was there once more! Her eyes sought the corner where the +skeleton had stood, and a faint gleam of satisfaction crossed her face, +apparently at seeing it empty. She looked suffering still, but there was +less of discomfort expressed in her countenance than there had been the +night before. She took more notice of the things about her, and seemed +to gaze with some curiosity on the strange apparatus standing here and +there in her room. At length, however, drowsiness seemed to overtake +her, and again she fell asleep. Resolved not to lose sight of her this +time, Cosmo watched the sleeping form. Her slumber was so deep and +absorbing that a fascinating repose seemed to pass contagiously from her +to him as he gazed upon her; and he started as if from a dream, when +the lady moved, and, without opening her eyes, rose, and passed from the +room with the gait of a somnambulist. + +Cosmo was now in a state of extravagant delight. Most men have a secret +treasure somewhere. The miser has his golden hoard; the virtuoso his pet +ring; the student his rare book; the poet his favourite haunt; the lover +his secret drawer; but Cosmo had a mirror with a lovely lady in it. And +now that he knew by the skeleton, that she was affected by the things +around her, he had a new object in life: he would turn the bare chamber +in the mirror into a room such as no lady need disdain to call her own. +This he could effect only by furnishing and adorning his. And Cosmo was +poor. Yet he possessed accomplishments that could be turned to account; +although, hitherto, he had preferred living on his slender allowance, to +increasing his means by what his pride considered unworthy of his rank. +He was the best swordsman in the University; and now he offered to give +lessons in fencing and similar exercises, to such as chose to pay +him well for the trouble. His proposal was heard with surprise by the +students; but it was eagerly accepted by many; and soon his instructions +were not confined to the richer students, but were anxiously sought by +many of the young nobility of Prague and its neighbourhood. So that very +soon he had a good deal of money at his command. The first thing he did +was to remove his apparatus and oddities into a closet in the room. +Then he placed his bed and a few other necessaries on each side of the +hearth, and parted them from the rest of the room by two screens of +Indian fabric. Then he put an elegant couch for the lady to lie upon, in +the corner where his bed had formerly stood; and, by degrees, every +day adding some article of luxury, converted it, at length, into a rich +boudoir. + +Every night, about the same time, the lady entered. The first time she +saw the new couch, she started with a half-smile; then her face grew +very sad, the tears came to her eyes, and she laid herself upon the +couch, and pressed her face into the silken cushions, as if to hide from +everything. She took notice of each addition and each change as the work +proceeded; and a look of acknowledgment, as if she knew that some +one was ministering to her, and was grateful for it, mingled with the +constant look of suffering. At length, after she had lain down as usual +one evening, her eyes fell upon some paintings with which Cosmo had just +finished adorning the walls. She rose, and to his great delight, walked +across the room, and proceeded to examine them carefully, testifying +much pleasure in her looks as she did so. But again the sorrowful, +tearful expression returned, and again she buried her face in the +pillows of her couch. Gradually, however, her countenance had grown more +composed; much of the suffering manifest on her first appearance had +vanished, and a kind of quiet, hopeful expression had taken its place; +which, however, frequently gave way to an anxious, troubled look, +mingled with something of sympathetic pity. + +Meantime, how fared Cosmo? As might be expected in one of his +temperament, his interest had blossomed into love, and his love--shall +I call it RIPENED, or--WITHERED into passion. But, alas! he loved a +shadow. He could not come near her, could not speak to her, could not +hear a sound from those sweet lips, to which his longing eyes would +cling like bees to their honey-founts. Ever and anon he sang to himself: + + "I shall die for love of the maiden;" + +and ever he looked again, and died not, though his heart seemed ready to +break with intensity of life and longing. And the more he did for her, +the more he loved her; and he hoped that, although she never appeared +to see him, yet she was pleased to think that one unknown would give his +life to her. He tried to comfort himself over his separation from her, +by thinking that perhaps some day she would see him and make signs to +him, and that would satisfy him; "for," thought he, "is not this all +that a loving soul can do to enter into communion with another? Nay, +how many who love never come nearer than to behold each other as in a +mirror; seem to know and yet never know the inward life; never enter +the other soul; and part at last, with but the vaguest notion of the +universe on the borders of which they have been hovering for years? If +I could but speak to her, and knew that she heard me, I should be +satisfied." Once he contemplated painting a picture on the wall, which +should, of necessity, convey to the lady a thought of himself; but, +though he had some skill with the pencil, he found his hand tremble so +much when he began the attempt, that he was forced to give it up. . . . +. . + + "Who lives, he dies; who dies, he is alive." + + One evening, as he stood gazing on his treasure, he thought he +saw a faint expression of self-consciousness on her countenance, as if +she surmised that passionate eyes were fixed upon her. This grew; till +at last the red blood rose over her neck, and cheek, and brow. Cosmo's +longing to approach her became almost delirious. This night she was +dressed in an evening costume, resplendent with diamonds. This could add +nothing to her beauty, but it presented it in a new aspect; enabled her +loveliness to make a new manifestation of itself in a new embodiment. +For essential beauty is infinite; and, as the soul of Nature needs an +endless succession of varied forms to embody her loveliness, countless +faces of beauty springing forth, not any two the same, at any one of +her heart-throbs; so the individual form needs an infinite change of its +environments, to enable it to uncover all the phases of its loveliness. +Diamonds glittered from amidst her hair, half hidden in its luxuriance, +like stars through dark rain-clouds; and the bracelets on her white arms +flashed all the colours of a rainbow of lightnings, as she lifted her +snowy hands to cover her burning face. But her beauty shone down all its +adornment. "If I might have but one of her feet to kiss," thought Cosmo, +"I should be content." Alas! he deceived himself, for passion is never +content. Nor did he know that there are TWO ways out of her enchanted +house. But, suddenly, as if the pang had been driven into his heart +from without, revealing itself first in pain, and afterwards in definite +form, the thought darted into his mind, "She has a lover somewhere. +Remembered words of his bring the colour on her face now. I am nowhere +to her. She lives in another world all day, and all night, after she +leaves me. Why does she come and make me love her, till I, a strong man, +am too faint to look upon her more?" He looked again, and her face was +pale as a lily. A sorrowful compassion seemed to rebuke the glitter of +the restless jewels, and the slow tears rose in her eyes. She left her +room sooner this evening than was her wont. Cosmo remained alone, with a +feeling as if his bosom had been suddenly left empty and hollow, and the +weight of the whole world was crushing in its walls. The next evening, +for the first time since she began to come, she came not. + +And now Cosmo was in wretched plight. Since the thought of a rival +had occurred to him, he could not rest for a moment. More than ever he +longed to see the lady face to face. He persuaded himself that if he but +knew the worst he would be satisfied; for then he could abandon Prague, +and find that relief in constant motion, which is the hope of all active +minds when invaded by distress. Meantime he waited with unspeakable +anxiety for the next night, hoping she would return: but she did not +appear. And now he fell really ill. Rallied by his fellow students on +his wretched looks, he ceased to attend the lectures. His engagements +were neglected. He cared for nothing. The sky, with the great sun in it, +was to him a heartless, burning desert. The men and women in the streets +were mere puppets, without motives in themselves, or interest to him. He +saw them all as on the ever-changing field of a camera obscura. She--she +alone and altogether--was his universe, his well of life, his incarnate +good. For six evenings she came not. Let his absorbing passion, and +the slow fever that was consuming his brain, be his excuse for the +resolution which he had taken and begun to execute, before that time had +expired. + +Reasoning with himself, that it must be by some enchantment connected +with the mirror, that the form of the lady was to be seen in it, he +determined to attempt to turn to account what he had hitherto studied +principally from curiosity. "For," said he to himself, "if a spell can +force her presence in that glass (and she came unwillingly at first), +may not a stronger spell, such as I know, especially with the aid of +her half-presence in the mirror, if ever she appears again, compel +her living form to come to me here? If I do her wrong, let love be +my excuse. I want only to know my doom from her own lips." He never +doubted, all the time, that she was a real earthly woman; or, rather, +that there was a woman, who, somehow or other, threw this reflection of +her form into the magic mirror. + +He opened his secret drawer, took out his books of magic, lighted his +lamp, and read and made notes from midnight till three in the morning, +for three successive nights. Then he replaced his books; and the next +night went out in quest of the materials necessary for the conjuration. +These were not easy to find; for, in love-charms and all incantations of +this nature, ingredients are employed scarcely fit to be mentioned, +and for the thought even of which, in connexion with her, he could only +excuse himself on the score of his bitter need. At length he succeeded +in procuring all he required; and on the seventh evening from that on +which she had last appeared, he found himself prepared for the exercise +of unlawful and tyrannical power. + +He cleared the centre of the room; stooped and drew a circle of red on +the floor, around the spot where he stood; wrote in the four quarters +mystical signs, and numbers which were all powers of seven or nine; +examined the whole ring carefully, to see that no smallest break had +occurred in the circumference; and then rose from his bending posture. +As he rose, the church clock struck seven; and, just as she had appeared +the first time, reluctant, slow, and stately, glided in the lady. Cosmo +trembled; and when, turning, she revealed a countenance worn and wan, as +with sickness or inward trouble, he grew faint, and felt as if he dared +not proceed. But as he gazed on the face and form, which now possessed +his whole soul, to the exclusion of all other joys and griefs, the +longing to speak to her, to know that she heard him, to hear from her +one word in return, became so unendurable, that he suddenly and hastily +resumed his preparations. Stepping carefully from the circle, he put +a small brazier into its centre. He then set fire to its contents of +charcoal, and while it burned up, opened his window and seated himself, +waiting, beside it. + +It was a sultry evening. The air was full of thunder. A sense of +luxurious depression filled the brain. The sky seemed to have grown +heavy, and to compress the air beneath it. A kind of purplish tinge +pervaded the atmosphere, and through the open window came the scents of +the distant fields, which all the vapours of the city could not quench. +Soon the charcoal glowed. Cosmo sprinkled upon it the incense and other +substances which he had compounded, and, stepping within the circle, +turned his face from the brazier and towards the mirror. Then, fixing +his eyes upon the face of the lady, he began with a trembling voice to +repeat a powerful incantation. He had not gone far, before the lady grew +pale; and then, like a returning wave, the blood washed all its banks +with its crimson tide, and she hid her face in her hands. Then he passed +to a conjuration stronger yet. + +The lady rose and walked uneasily to and fro in her room. Another spell; +and she seemed seeking with her eyes for some object on which they +wished to rest. At length it seemed as if she suddenly espied him; +for her eyes fixed themselves full and wide upon his, and she drew +gradually, and somewhat unwillingly, close to her side of the mirror, +just as if his eyes had fascinated her. Cosmo had never seen her so near +before. Now at least, eyes met eyes; but he could not quite understand +the expression of hers. They were full of tender entreaty, but there was +something more that he could not interpret. Though his heart seemed to +labour in his throat, he would allow no delight or agitation to turn him +from his task. Looking still in her face, he passed on to the mightiest +charm he knew. Suddenly the lady turned and walked out of the door +of her reflected chamber. A moment after she entered his room with +veritable presence; and, forgetting all his precautions, he sprang from +the charmed circle, and knelt before her. There she stood, the living +lady of his passionate visions, alone beside him, in a thundery +twilight, and the glow of a magic fire. + +"Why," said the lady, with a trembling voice, "didst thou bring a poor +maiden through the rainy streets alone?" + +"Because I am dying for love of thee; but I only brought thee from the +mirror there." + +"Ah, the mirror!" and she looked up at it, and shuddered. "Alas! I am +but a slave, while that mirror exists. But do not think it was the power +of thy spells that drew me; it was thy longing desire to see me, that +beat at the door of my heart, till I was forced to yield." + +"Canst thou love me then?" said Cosmo, in a voice calm as death, but +almost inarticulate with emotion. + +"I do not know," she replied sadly; "that I cannot tell, so long as I am +bewildered with enchantments. It were indeed a joy too great, to lay my +head on thy bosom and weep to death; for I think thou lovest me, though +I do not know;--but----" + +Cosmo rose from his knees. + +"I love thee as--nay, I know not what--for since I have loved thee, +there is nothing else." + +He seized her hand: she withdrew it. + +"No, better not; I am in thy power, and therefore I may not." + +She burst into tears, and kneeling before him in her turn, said-- + +"Cosmo, if thou lovest me, set me free, even from thyself; break the +mirror." + +"And shall I see thyself instead?" + +"That I cannot tell, I will not deceive thee; we may never meet again." + +A fierce struggle arose in Cosmo's bosom. Now she was in his power. She +did not dislike him at least; and he could see her when he would. To +break the mirror would be to destroy his very life to banish out of his +universe the only glory it possessed. The whole world would be but a +prison, if he annihilated the one window that looked into the paradise +of love. Not yet pure in love, he hesitated. + +With a wail of sorrow the lady rose to her feet. "Ah! he loves me not; +he loves me not even as I love him; and alas! I care more for his love +than even for the freedom I ask." + +"I will not wait to be willing," cried Cosmo; and sprang to the corner +where the great sword stood. + +Meantime it had grown very dark; only the embers cast a red glow through +the room. He seized the sword by the steel scabbard, and stood before +the mirror; but as he heaved a great blow at it with the heavy pommel, +the blade slipped half-way out of the scabbard, and the pommel struck +the wall above the mirror. At that moment, a terrible clap of thunder +seemed to burst in the very room beside them; and ere Cosmo could repeat +the blow, he fell senseless on the hearth. When he came to himself, he +found that the lady and the mirror had both disappeared. He was seized +with a brain fever, which kept him to his couch for weeks. + +When he recovered his reason, he began to think what could have become +of the mirror. For the lady, he hoped she had found her way back as +she came; but as the mirror involved her fate with its own, he was more +immediately anxious about that. He could not think she had carried it +away. It was much too heavy, even if it had not been too firmly fixed in +the wall, for her to remove it. Then again, he remembered the thunder; +which made him believe that it was not the lightning, but some other +blow that had struck him down. He concluded that, either by supernatural +agency, he having exposed himself to the vengeance of the demons in +leaving the circle of safety, or in some other mode, the mirror had +probably found its way back to its former owner; and, horrible to think +of, might have been by this time once more disposed of, delivering up +the lady into the power of another man; who, if he used his power no +worse than he himself had done, might yet give Cosmo abundant cause to +curse the selfish indecision which prevented him from shattering the +mirror at once. Indeed, to think that she whom he loved, and who had +prayed to him for freedom, should be still at the mercy, in some degree, +of the possessor of the mirror, and was at least exposed to his constant +observation, was in itself enough to madden a chary lover. + +Anxiety to be well retarded his recovery; but at length he was able to +creep abroad. He first made his way to the old broker's, pretending to +be in search of something else. A laughing sneer on the creature's face +convinced him that he knew all about it; but he could not see it amongst +his furniture, or get any information out of him as to what had become +of it. He expressed the utmost surprise at hearing it had been stolen, a +surprise which Cosmo saw at once to be counterfeited; while, at the same +time, he fancied that the old wretch was not at all anxious to have it +mistaken for genuine. Full of distress, which he concealed as well as he +could, he made many searches, but with no avail. Of course he could +ask no questions; but he kept his ears awake for any remotest hint that +might set him in a direction of search. He never went out without a +short heavy hammer of steel about him, that he might shatter the mirror +the moment he was made happy by the sight of his lost treasure, if ever +that blessed moment should arrive. Whether he should see the lady again, +was now a thought altogether secondary, and postponed to the achievement +of her freedom. He wandered here and there, like an anxious ghost, pale +and haggard; gnawed ever at the heart, by the thought of what she might +be suffering--all from his fault. + +One night, he mingled with a crowd that filled the rooms of one of +the most distinguished mansions in the city; for he accepted every +invitation, that he might lose no chance, however poor, of obtaining +some information that might expedite his discovery. Here he wandered +about, listening to every stray word that he could catch, in the hope of +a revelation. As he approached some ladies who were talking quietly in a +corner, one said to another: + +"Have you heard of the strange illness of the Princess von Hohenweiss?" + +"Yes; she has been ill for more than a year now. It is very sad for so +fine a creature to have such a terrible malady. She was better for +some weeks lately, but within the last few days the same attacks have +returned, apparently accompanied with more suffering than ever. It is +altogether an inexplicable story." + +"Is there a story connected with her illness?" + +"I have only heard imperfect reports of it; but it is said that she gave +offence some eighteen months ago to an old woman who had held an +office of trust in the family, and who, after some incoherent threats, +disappeared. This peculiar affection followed soon after. But the +strangest part of the story is its association with the loss of an +antique mirror, which stood in her dressing-room, and of which she +constantly made use." + +Here the speaker's voice sank to a whisper; and Cosmo, although his very +soul sat listening in his ears, could hear no more. He trembled too much +to dare to address the ladies, even if it had been advisable to expose +himself to their curiosity. The name of the Princess was well known to +him, but he had never seen her; except indeed it was she, which now he +hardly doubted, who had knelt before him on that dreadful night. Fearful +of attracting attention, for, from the weak state of his health, he +could not recover an appearance of calmness, he made his way to the open +air, and reached his lodgings; glad in this, that he at least knew where +she lived, although he never dreamed of approaching her openly, even +if he should be happy enough to free her from her hateful bondage. He +hoped, too, that as he had unexpectedly learned so much, the other and +far more important part might be revealed to him ere long. + + +***** + + +"Have you seen Steinwald lately?" + +"No, I have not seen him for some time. He is almost a match for me at +the rapier, and I suppose he thinks he needs no more lessons." + +"I wonder what has become of him. I want to see him very much. Let me +see; the last time I saw him he was coming out of that old broker's +den, to which, if you remember, you accompanied me once, to look at some +armour. That is fully three weeks ago." + +This hint was enough for Cosmo. Von Steinwald was a man of influence in +the court, well known for his reckless habits and fierce passions. The +very possibility that the mirror should be in his possession was hell +itself to Cosmo. But violent or hasty measures of any sort were most +unlikely to succeed. All that he wanted was an opportunity of breaking +the fatal glass; and to obtain this he must bide his time. He revolved +many plans in his mind, but without being able to fix upon any. + +At length, one evening, as he was passing the house of Von Steinwald, he +saw the windows more than usually brilliant. He watched for a while, +and seeing that company began to arrive, hastened home, and dressed +as richly as he could, in the hope of mingling with the guests +unquestioned: in effecting which, there could be no difficulty for a man +of his carriage. + +***** + +In a lofty, silent chamber, in another part of the city, lay a form more +like marble than a living woman. The loveliness of death seemed frozen +upon her face, for her lips were rigid, and her eyelids closed. Her long +white hands were crossed over her breast, and no breathing disturbed +their repose. Beside the dead, men speak in whispers, as if the deepest +rest of all could be broken by the sound of a living voice. Just so, +though the soul was evidently beyond the reach of all intimations from +the senses, the two ladies, who sat beside her, spoke in the gentlest +tones of subdued sorrow. "She has lain so for an hour." + +"This cannot last long, I fear." + +"How much thinner she has grown within the last few weeks! If she would +only speak, and explain what she suffers, it would be better for her. +I think she has visions in her trances, but nothing can induce her to +refer to them when she is awake." + +"Does she ever speak in these trances?" + +"I have never heard her; but they say she walks sometimes, and once put +the whole household in a terrible fright by disappearing for a whole +hour, and returning drenched with rain, and almost dead with exhaustion +and fright. But even then she would give no account of what had +happened." + +A scarce audible murmur from the yet motionless lips of the lady +here startled her attendants. After several ineffectual attempts at +articulation, the word "COSMO!" burst from her. Then she lay still as +before; but only for a moment. With a wild cry, she sprang from the +couch erect on the floor, flung her arms above her head, with clasped +and straining hands, and, her wide eyes flashing with light, called +aloud, with a voice exultant as that of a spirit bursting from a +sepulchre, "I am free! I am free! I thank thee!" Then she flung herself +on the couch, and sobbed; then rose, and paced wildly up and down the +room, with gestures of mingled delight and anxiety. Then turning to her +motionless attendants--"Quick, Lisa, my cloak and hood!" Then lower--"I +must go to him. Make haste, Lisa! You may come with me, if you will." + +In another moment they were in the street, hurrying along towards one +of the bridges over the Moldau. The moon was near the zenith, and the +streets were almost empty. The Princess soon outstripped her attendant, +and was half-way over the bridge, before the other reached it. + +"Are you free, lady? The mirror is broken: are you free?" + +The words were spoken close beside her, as she hurried on. She turned; +and there, leaning on the parapet in a recess of the bridge, stood +Cosmo, in a splendid dress, but with a white and quivering face. + +"Cosmo!--I am free--and thy servant for ever. I was coming to you now." + +"And I to you, for Death made me bold; but I could get no further. Have +I atoned at all? Do I love you a little--truly?" + +"Ah, I know now that you love me, my Cosmo; but what do you say about +death?" + +He did not reply. His hand was pressed against his side. She looked more +closely: the blood was welling from between the fingers. She flung her +arms around him with a faint bitter wail. + +When Lisa came up, she found her mistress kneeling above a wan dead +face, which smiled on in the spectral moonbeams. + + And now I will say no more about these wondrous volumes; though +I could tell many a tale out of them, and could, perhaps, vaguely +represent some entrancing thoughts of a deeper kind which I found within +them. From many a sultry noon till twilight, did I sit in that grand +hall, buried and risen again in these old books. And I trust I have +carried away in my soul some of the exhalations of their undying leaves. +In after hours of deserved or needful sorrow, portions of what I read +there have often come to me again, with an unexpected comforting; +which was not fruitless, even though the comfort might seem in itself +groundless and vain. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + "Your gallery + Ha we pass'd through, not without much content + In many singularities; but we saw not + That which my daughter came to look upon, + The state of her mother." + Winter's Tale. + +It seemed to me strange, that all this time I had heard no music in the +fairy palace. I was convinced there must be music in it, but that my +sense was as yet too gross to receive the influence of those mysterious +motions that beget sound. Sometimes I felt sure, from the way the few +figures of which I got such transitory glimpses passed me, or glided +into vacancy before me, that they were moving to the law of music; +and, in fact, several times I fancied for a moment that I heard a few +wondrous tones coming I knew not whence. But they did not last long +enough to convince me that I had heard them with the bodily sense. Such +as they were, however, they took strange liberties with me, causing me +to burst suddenly into tears, of which there was no presence to make +me ashamed, or casting me into a kind of trance of speechless delight, +which, passing as suddenly, left me faint and longing for more. + +Now, on an evening, before I had been a week in the palace, I was +wandering through one lighted arcade and corridor after another. At +length I arrived, through a door that closed behind me, in another vast +hall of the palace. It was filled with a subdued crimson light; by +which I saw that slender pillars of black, built close to walls of white +marble, rose to a great height, and then, dividing into innumerable +divergent arches, supported a roof, like the walls, of white marble, +upon which the arches intersected intricately, forming a fretting of +black upon the white, like the network of a skeleton-leaf. The floor was +black. + +Between several pairs of the pillars upon every side, the place of the +wall behind was occupied by a crimson curtain of thick silk, hanging in +heavy and rich folds. Behind each of these curtains burned a powerful +light, and these were the sources of the glow that filled the hall. A +peculiar delicious odour pervaded the place. As soon as I entered, the +old inspiration seemed to return to me, for I felt a strong impulse to +sing; or rather, it seemed as if some one else was singing a song in my +soul, which wanted to come forth at my lips, imbodied in my breath. But +I kept silence; and feeling somewhat overcome by the red light and the +perfume, as well as by the emotion within me, and seeing at one end of +the hall a great crimson chair, more like a throne than a chair, beside +a table of white marble, I went to it, and, throwing myself in it, gave +myself up to a succession of images of bewildering beauty, which passed +before my inward eye, in a long and occasionally crowded train. Here I +sat for hours, I suppose; till, returning somewhat to myself, I saw that +the red light had paled away, and felt a cool gentle breath gliding over +my forehead. I rose and left the hall with unsteady steps, finding my +way with some difficulty to my own chamber, and faintly remembering, +as I went, that only in the marble cave, before I found the sleeping +statue, had I ever had a similar experience. + +After this, I repaired every morning to the same hall; where I sometimes +sat in the chair and dreamed deliciously, and sometimes walked up and +down over the black floor. Sometimes I acted within myself a whole +drama, during one of these perambulations; sometimes walked deliberately +through the whole epic of a tale; sometimes ventured to sing a song, +though with a shrinking fear of I knew not what. I was astonished at +the beauty of my own voice as it rang through the place, or rather crept +undulating, like a serpent of sound, along the walls and roof of this +superb music-hall. Entrancing verses arose within me as of their own +accord, chanting themselves to their own melodies, and requiring no +addition of music to satisfy the inward sense. But, ever in the pauses +of these, when the singing mood was upon me, I seemed to hear something +like the distant sound of multitudes of dancers, and felt as if it +was the unheard music, moving their rhythmic motion, that within me +blossomed in verse and song. I felt, too, that could I but see the +dance, I should, from the harmony of complicated movements, not of +the dancers in relation to each other merely, but of each dancer +individually in the manifested plastic power that moved the consenting +harmonious form, understand the whole of the music on the billows of +which they floated and swung. + +At length, one night, suddenly, when this feeling of dancing came upon +me, I bethought me of lifting one of the crimson curtains, and looking +if, perchance, behind it there might not be hid some other mystery, +which might at least remove a step further the bewilderment of the +present one. Nor was I altogether disappointed. I walked to one of the +magnificent draperies, lifted a corner, and peeped in. There, burned +a great, crimson, globe-shaped light, high in the cubical centre of +another hall, which might be larger or less than that in which I stood, +for its dimensions were not easily perceived, seeing that floor and roof +and walls were entirely of black marble. + +The roof was supported by the same arrangement of pillars radiating in +arches, as that of the first hall; only, here, the pillars and +arches were of dark red. But what absorbed my delighted gaze, was an +innumerable assembly of white marble statues, of every form, and in +multitudinous posture, filling the hall throughout. These stood, in the +ruddy glow of the great lamp, upon pedestals of jet black. Around the +lamp shone in golden letters, plainly legible from where I stood, the +two words-- + + TOUCH NOT! + +There was in all this, however, no solution to the sound of dancing; and +now I was aware that the influence on my mind had ceased. I did not +go in that evening, for I was weary and faint, but I hoarded up the +expectation of entering, as of a great coming joy. + +Next night I walked, as on the preceding, through the hall. My mind was +filled with pictures and songs, and therewith so much absorbed, that +I did not for some time think of looking within the curtain I had last +night lifted. When the thought of doing so occurred to me first, I +happened to be within a few yards of it. I became conscious, at the same +moment, that the sound of dancing had been for some time in my ears. I +approached the curtain quickly, and, lifting it, entered the black hall. +Everything was still as death. I should have concluded that the +sound must have proceeded from some other more distant quarter, +which conclusion its faintness would, in ordinary circumstances, have +necessitated from the first; but there was a something about the statues +that caused me still to remain in doubt. As I said, each stood perfectly +still upon its black pedestal: but there was about every one a certain +air, not of motion, but as if it had just ceased from movement; as if +the rest were not altogether of the marbly stillness of thousands of +years. It was as if the peculiar atmosphere of each had yet a kind +of invisible tremulousness; as if its agitated wavelets had not +yet subsided into a perfect calm. I had the suspicion that they had +anticipated my appearance, and had sprung, each, from the living joy of +the dance, to the death-silence and blackness of its isolated pedestal, +just before I entered. I walked across the central hall to the curtain +opposite the one I had lifted, and, entering there, found all the +appearances similar; only that the statues were different, and +differently grouped. Neither did they produce on my mind that +impression--of motion just expired, which I had experienced from the +others. I found that behind every one of the crimson curtains was a +similar hall, similarly lighted, and similarly occupied. + +The next night, I did not allow my thoughts to be absorbed as before +with inward images, but crept stealthily along to the furthest curtain +in the hall, from behind which, likewise, I had formerly seemed to hear +the sound of dancing. I drew aside its edge as suddenly as I could, and, +looking in, saw that the utmost stillness pervaded the vast place. I +walked in, and passed through it to the other end. + +There I found that it communicated with a circular corridor, divided +from it only by two rows of red columns. This corridor, which was black, +with red niches holding statues, ran entirely about the statue-halls, +forming a communication between the further ends of them all; further, +that is, as regards the central hall of white whence they all diverged +like radii, finding their circumference in the corridor. + +Round this corridor I now went, entering all the halls, of which there +were twelve, and finding them all similarly constructed, but filled with +quite various statues, of what seemed both ancient and modern sculpture. +After I had simply walked through them, I found myself sufficiently +tired to long for rest, and went to my own room. + +In the night I dreamed that, walking close by one of the curtains, I was +suddenly seized with the desire to enter, and darted in. This time I was +too quick for them. All the statues were in motion, statues no longer, +but men and women--all shapes of beauty that ever sprang from the brain +of the sculptor, mingled in the convolutions of a complicated dance. +Passing through them to the further end, I almost started from my +sleep on beholding, not taking part in the dance with the others, nor +seemingly endued with life like them, but standing in marble coldness +and rigidity upon a black pedestal in the extreme left corner--my lady +of the cave; the marble beauty who sprang from her tomb or her cradle +at the call of my songs. While I gazed in speechless astonishment and +admiration, a dark shadow, descending from above like the curtain of a +stage, gradually hid her entirely from my view. I felt with a shudder +that this shadow was perchance my missing demon, whom I had not seen for +days. I awoke with a stifled cry. + +Of course, the next evening I began my journey through the halls (for I +knew not to which my dream had carried me), in the hope of proving the +dream to be a true one, by discovering my marble beauty upon her black +pedestal. At length, on reaching the tenth hall, I thought I +recognised some of the forms I had seen dancing in my dream; and to my +bewilderment, when I arrived at the extreme corner on the left, there +stood, the only one I had yet seen, a vacant pedestal. It was exactly in +the position occupied, in my dream, by the pedestal on which the white +lady stood. Hope beat violently in my heart. + +"Now," said I to myself, "if yet another part of the dream would but +come true, and I should succeed in surprising these forms in their +nightly dance; it might be the rest would follow, and I should see on +the pedestal my marble queen. Then surely if my songs sufficed to give +her life before, when she lay in the bonds of alabaster, much more would +they be sufficient then to give her volition and motion, when she alone +of assembled crowds of marble forms, would be standing rigid and cold." + +But the difficulty was, to surprise the dancers. I had found that a +premeditated attempt at surprise, though executed with the utmost care +and rapidity, was of no avail. And, in my dream, it was effected by a +sudden thought suddenly executed. I saw, therefore, that there was no +plan of operation offering any probability of success, but this: to +allow my mind to be occupied with other thoughts, as I wandered around +the great centre-hall; and so wait till the impulse to enter one of the +others should happen to arise in me just at the moment when I was close +to one of the crimson curtains. For I hoped that if I entered any one of +the twelve halls at the right moment, that would as it were give me the +right of entrance to all the others, seeing they all had communication +behind. I would not diminish the hope of the right chance, by supposing +it necessary that a desire to enter should awake within me, precisely +when I was close to the curtains of the tenth hall. + +At first the impulses to see recurred so continually, in spite of the +crowded imagery that kept passing through my mind, that they formed +too nearly a continuous chain, for the hope that any one of them would +succeed as a surprise. But as I persisted in banishing them, they +recurred less and less often; and after two or three, at considerable +intervals, had come when the spot where I happened to be was unsuitable, +the hope strengthened, that soon one might arise just at the right +moment; namely, when, in walking round the hall, I should be close to +one of the curtains. + +At length the right moment and the impulse coincided. I darted into the +ninth hall. It was full of the most exquisite moving forms. The whole +space wavered and swam with the involutions of an intricate dance. It +seemed to break suddenly as I entered, and all made one or two bounds +towards their pedestals; but, apparently on finding that they were +thoroughly overtaken, they returned to their employment (for it seemed +with them earnest enough to be called such) without further heeding +me. Somewhat impeded by the floating crowd, I made what haste I could +towards the bottom of the hall; whence, entering the corridor, I turned +towards the tenth. I soon arrived at the corner I wanted to reach, for +the corridor was comparatively empty; but, although the dancers here, +after a little confusion, altogether disregarded my presence, I +was dismayed at beholding, even yet, a vacant pedestal. But I had a +conviction that she was near me. And as I looked at the pedestal, I +thought I saw upon it, vaguely revealed as if through overlapping folds +of drapery, the indistinct outlines of white feet. Yet there was no +sign of drapery or concealing shadow whatever. But I remembered the +descending shadow in my dream. And I hoped still in the power of my +songs; thinking that what could dispel alabaster, might likewise be +capable of dispelling what concealed my beauty now, even if it were the +demon whose darkness had overshadowed all my life. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + "Alexander. 'When will you finish Campaspe?' + Apelles. 'Never finish: for always in absolute + beauty there is somewhat above art.'" + LYLY'S Campaspe. + +And now, what song should I sing to unveil my Isis, if indeed she was +present unseen? I hurried away to the white hall of Phantasy, heedless +of the innumerable forms of beauty that crowded my way: these might +cross my eyes, but the unseen filled my brain. I wandered long, up and +down the silent space: no songs came. My soul was not still enough for +songs. Only in the silence and darkness of the soul's night, do those +stars of the inward firmament sink to its lower surface from the singing +realms beyond, and shine upon the conscious spirit. Here all effort was +unavailing. If they came not, they could not be found. + +Next night, it was just the same. I walked through the red glimmer of +the silent hall; but lonely as there I walked, as lonely trod my soul +up and down the halls of the brain. At last I entered one of the +statue-halls. The dance had just commenced, and I was delighted to find +that I was free of their assembly. I walked on till I came to the sacred +corner. There I found the pedestal just as I had left it, with the faint +glimmer as of white feet still resting on the dead black. As soon as I +saw it, I seemed to feel a presence which longed to become visible; and, +as it were, called to me to gift it with self-manifestation, that it +might shine on me. The power of song came to me. But the moment my +voice, though I sang low and soft, stirred the air of the hall, the +dancers started; the quick interweaving crowd shook, lost its form, +divided; each figure sprang to its pedestal, and stood, a self-evolving +life no more, but a rigid, life-like, marble shape, with the whole form +composed into the expression of a single state or act. Silence rolled +like a spiritual thunder through the grand space. My song had ceased, +scared at its own influences. But I saw in the hand of one of the +statues close by me, a harp whose chords yet quivered. I remembered +that as she bounded past me, her harp had brushed against my arm; so +the spell of the marble had not infolded it. I sprang to her, and with a +gesture of entreaty, laid my hand on the harp. The marble hand, probably +from its contact with the uncharmed harp, had strength enough to relax +its hold, and yield the harp to me. No other motion indicated life. +Instinctively I struck the chords and sang. And not to break upon the +record of my song, I mention here, that as I sang the first four lines, +the loveliest feet became clear upon the black pedestal; and ever as I +sang, it was as if a veil were being lifted up from before the form, but +an invisible veil, so that the statue appeared to grow before me, not +so much by evolution, as by infinitesimal degrees of added height. And, +while I sang, I did not feel that I stood by a statue, as indeed it +appeared to be, but that a real woman-soul was revealing itself by +successive stages of imbodiment, and consequent manifestatlon and +expression. + + Feet of beauty, firmly planting + Arches white on rosy heel! + Whence the life-spring, throbbing, panting, + Pulses upward to reveal! + Fairest things know least despising; + Foot and earth meet tenderly: + 'Tis the woman, resting, rising + Upward to sublimity, + Rise the limbs, sedately sloping, + Strong and gentle, full and free; + Soft and slow, like certain hoping, + Drawing nigh the broad firm knee. + Up to speech! As up to roses + Pants the life from leaf to flower, + So each blending change discloses, + Nearer still, expression's power. + + Lo! fair sweeps, white surges, twining + Up and outward fearlessly! + Temple columns, close combining, + Lift a holy mystery. + Heart of mine! what strange surprises + Mount aloft on such a stair! + Some great vision upward rises, + Curving, bending, floating fair. + + Bands and sweeps, and hill and hollow + Lead my fascinated eye; + Some apocalypse will follow, + Some new world of deity. + Zoned unseen, and outward swelling, + With new thoughts and wonders rife, + Queenly majesty foretelling, + See the expanding house of life! + + Sudden heaving, unforbidden + Sighs eternal, still the same-- + Mounts of snow have summits hidden + In the mists of uttered flame. + But the spirit, dawning nearly + Finds no speech for earnest pain; + Finds a soundless sighing merely-- + Builds its stairs, and mounts again. + + Heart, the queen, with secret hoping, + Sendeth out her waiting pair; + Hands, blind hands, half blindly groping, + Half inclasping visions rare; + And the great arms, heartways bending; + Might of Beauty, drawing home + There returning, and re-blending, + Where from roots of love they roam. + + Build thy slopes of radiance beamy + Spirit, fair with womanhood! + Tower thy precipice, white-gleamy, + Climb unto the hour of good. + Dumb space will be rent asunder, + Now the shining column stands + Ready to be crowned with wonder + By the builder's joyous hands. + + All the lines abroad are spreading, + Like a fountain's falling race. + Lo, the chin, first feature, treading, + Airy foot to rest the face! + Speech is nigh; oh, see the blushing, + Sweet approach of lip and breath! + Round the mouth dim silence, hushing, + Waits to die ecstatic death. + + Span across in treble curving, + Bow of promise, upper lip! + Set them free, with gracious swerving; + Let the wing-words float and dip. + DUMB ART THOU? O Love immortal, + More than words thy speech must be; + Childless yet the tender portal + Of the home of melody. + + Now the nostrils open fearless, + Proud in calm unconsciousness, + Sure it must be something peerless + That the great Pan would express! + Deepens, crowds some meaning tender, + In the pure, dear lady-face. + Lo, a blinding burst of splendour!-- + 'Tis the free soul's issuing grace. + + Two calm lakes of molten glory + Circling round unfathomed deeps! + Lightning-flashes, transitory, + Cross the gulfs where darkness sleeps. + This the gate, at last, of gladness, + To the outward striving me: + In a rain of light and sadness, + Out its loves and longings flee! + + With a presence I am smitten + Dumb, with a foreknown surprise; + Presence greater yet than written + Even in the glorious eyes. + Through the gulfs, with inward gazes, + I may look till I am lost; + Wandering deep in spirit-mazes, + In a sea without a coast. + + Windows open to the glorious! + Time and space, oh, far beyond! + Woman, ah! thou art victorious, + And I perish, overfond. + Springs aloft the yet Unspoken + In the forehead's endless grace, + Full of silences unbroken; + Infinite, unfeatured face. + + Domes above, the mount of wonder; + Height and hollow wrapt in night; + Hiding in its caverns under + Woman-nations in their might. + Passing forms, the highest Human + Faints away to the Divine + Features none, of man or woman, + Can unveil the holiest shine. + + Sideways, grooved porches only + Visible to passing eye, + Stand the silent, doorless, lonely + Entrance-gates of melody. + But all sounds fly in as boldly, + Groan and song, and kiss and cry + At their galleries, lifted coldly, + Darkly, 'twixt the earth and sky. + + Beauty, thou art spent, thou knowest + So, in faint, half-glad despair, + From the summit thou o'erflowest + In a fall of torrent hair; + Hiding what thou hast created + In a half-transparent shroud: + Thus, with glory soft-abated, + Shines the moon through vapoury cloud. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + + "Ev'n the Styx, which ninefold her infoldeth + Hems not Ceres' daughter in its flow; + But she grasps the apple--ever holdeth + Her, sad Orcus, down below." + SCHILLER, Das Ideal und das Leben. + +Ever as I sang, the veil was uplifted; ever as I sang, the signs of life +grew; till, when the eyes dawned upon me, it was with that sunrise of +splendour which my feeble song attempted to re-imbody. + +The wonder is, that I was not altogether overcome, but was able to +complete my song as the unseen veil continued to rise. This ability came +solely from the state of mental elevation in which I found myself. Only +because uplifted in song, was I able to endure the blaze of the dawn. +But I cannot tell whether she looked more of statue or more of woman; +she seemed removed into that region of phantasy where all is intensely +vivid, but nothing clearly defined. At last, as I sang of her descending +hair, the glow of soul faded away, like a dying sunset. A lamp within +had been extinguished, and the house of life shone blank in a winter +morn. She was a statue once more--but visible, and that was much gained. +Yet the revulsion from hope and fruition was such, that, unable to +restrain myself, I sprang to her, and, in defiance of the law of the +place, flung my arms around her, as if I would tear her from the grasp +of a visible Death, and lifted her from the pedestal down to my heart. +But no sooner had her feet ceased to be in contact with the black +pedestal, than she shuddered and trembled all over; then, writhing +from my arms, before I could tighten their hold, she sprang into the +corridor, with the reproachful cry, "You should not have touched +me!" darted behind one of the exterior pillars of the circle, and +disappeared. I followed almost as fast; but ere I could reach the +pillar, the sound of a closing door, the saddest of all sounds +sometimes, fell on my ear; and, arriving at the spot where she had +vanished, I saw, lighted by a pale yellow lamp which hung above it, +a heavy, rough door, altogether unlike any others I had seen in +the palace; for they were all of ebony, or ivory, or covered with +silver-plates, or of some odorous wood, and very ornate; whereas this +seemed of old oak, with heavy nails and iron studs. Notwithstanding the +precipitation of my pursuit, I could not help reading, in silver letters +beneath the lamp: "NO ONE ENTERS HERE WITHOUT THE LEAVE OF THE QUEEN." +But what was the Queen to me, when I followed my white lady? I dashed +the door to the wall and sprang through. Lo! I stood on a waste windy +hill. Great stones like tombstones stood all about me. No door, no +palace was to be seen. A white figure gleamed past me, wringing her +hands, and crying, "Ah! you should have sung to me; you should have sung +to me!" and disappeared behind one of the stones. I followed. A cold +gust of wind met me from behind the stone; and when I looked, I saw +nothing but a great hole in the earth, into which I could find no way +of entering. Had she fallen in? I could not tell. I must wait for the +daylight. I sat down and wept, for there was no help. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + + "First, I thought, almost despairing, + This must crush my spirit now; + Yet I bore it, and am bearing-- + Only do not ask me how." + HEINE. + +When the daylight came, it brought the possibility of action, but with +it little of consolation. With the first visible increase of light, +I gazed into the chasm, but could not, for more than an hour, see +sufficiently well to discover its nature. At last I saw it was almost a +perpendicular opening, like a roughly excavated well, only very large. +I could perceive no bottom; and it was not till the sun actually rose, +that I discovered a sort of natural staircase, in many parts little more +than suggested, which led round and round the gulf, descending spirally +into its abyss. I saw at once that this was my path; and without a +moment's hesitation, glad to quit the sunlight, which stared at me most +heartlessly, I commenced my tortuous descent. It was very difficult. +In some parts I had to cling to the rocks like a bat. In one place, I +dropped from the track down upon the next returning spire of the stair; +which being broad in this particular portion, and standing out from the +wall at right angles, received me upon my feet safe, though somewhat +stupefied by the shock. After descending a great way, I found the stair +ended at a narrow opening which entered the rock horizontally. Into this +I crept, and, having entered, had just room to turn round. I put my head +out into the shaft by which I had come down, and surveyed the course of +my descent. Looking up, I saw the stars; although the sun must by this +time have been high in the heavens. Looking below, I saw that the sides +of the shaft went sheer down, smooth as glass; and far beneath me, I saw +the reflection of the same stars I had seen in the heavens when I looked +up. I turned again, and crept inwards some distance, when the passage +widened, and I was at length able to stand and walk upright. Wider and +loftier grew the way; new paths branched off on every side; great open +halls appeared; till at last I found myself wandering on through an +underground country, in which the sky was of rock, and instead of trees +and flowers, there were only fantastic rocks and stones. And ever as I +went, darker grew my thoughts, till at last I had no hope whatever of +finding the white lady: I no longer called her to myself MY white lady. +Whenever a choice was necessary, I always chose the path which seemed to +lead downwards. + +At length I began to find that these regions were inhabited. From behind +a rock a peal of harsh grating laughter, full of evil humour, rang +through my ears, and, looking round, I saw a queer, goblin creature, +with a great head and ridiculous features, just such as those described, +in German histories and travels, as Kobolds. "What do you want with me?" +I said. He pointed at me with a long forefinger, very thick at the root, +and sharpened to a point, and answered, "He! he! he! what do YOU +want here?" Then, changing his tone, he continued, with mock +humility--"Honoured sir, vouchsafe to withdraw from thy slaves the +lustre of thy august presence, for thy slaves cannot support its +brightness." A second appeared, and struck in: "You are so big, you keep +the sun from us. We can't see for you, and we're so cold." Thereupon +arose, on all sides, the most terrific uproar of laughter, from voices +like those of children in volume, but scrannel and harsh as those of +decrepit age, though, unfortunately, without its weakness. The whole +pandemonium of fairy devils, of all varieties of fantastic ugliness, +both in form and feature, and of all sizes from one to four feet, seemed +to have suddenly assembled about me. At length, after a great babble of +talk among themselves, in a language unknown to me, and after seemingly +endless gesticulation, consultation, elbow-nudging, and unmitigated +peals of laughter, they formed into a circle about one of their number, +who scrambled upon a stone, and, much to my surprise, and somewhat to +my dismay, began to sing, in a voice corresponding in its nature to his +talking one, from beginning to end, the song with which I had brought +the light into the eyes of the white lady. He sang the same air too; +and, all the time, maintained a face of mock entreaty and worship; +accompanying the song with the travestied gestures of one playing on +the lute. The whole assembly kept silence, except at the close of every +verse, when they roared, and danced, and shouted with laughter, and +flung themselves on the ground, in real or pretended convulsions of +delight. When he had finished, the singer threw himself from the top +of the stone, turning heels over head several times in his descent; and +when he did alight, it was on the top of his head, on which he hopped +about, making the most grotesque gesticulations with his legs in the +air. Inexpressible laughter followed, which broke up in a shower of +tiny stones from innumerable hands. They could not materially injure me, +although they cut me on the head and face. I attempted to run away, but +they all rushed upon me, and, laying hold of every part that afforded +a grasp, held me tight. Crowding about me like bees, they shouted an +insect-swarm of exasperating speeches up into my face, among which the +most frequently recurring were--"You shan't have her; you shan't have +her; he! he! he! She's for a better man; how he'll kiss her! how he'll +kiss her!" + +The galvanic torrent of this battery of malevolence stung to life within +me a spark of nobleness, and I said aloud, "Well, if he is a better man, +let him have her." + +They instantly let go their hold of me, and fell back a step or two, +with a whole broadside of grunts and humphs, as of unexpected and +disappointed approbation. I made a step or two forward, and a lane was +instantly opened for me through the midst of the grinning little antics, +who bowed most politely to me on every side as I passed. After I had +gone a few yards, I looked back, and saw them all standing quite still, +looking after me, like a great school of boys; till suddenly one turned +round, and with a loud whoop, rushed into the midst of the others. In +an instant, the whole was one writhing and tumbling heap of contortion, +reminding me of the live pyramids of intertwined snakes of which +travellers make report. As soon as one was worked out of the mass, he +bounded off a few paces, and then, with a somersault and a run, threw +himself gyrating into the air, and descended with all his weight on the +summit of the heaving and struggling chaos of fantastic figures. I left +them still busy at this fierce and apparently aimless amusement. And as +I went, I sang-- + + If a nobler waits for thee, + I will weep aside; + It is well that thou should'st be, + Of the nobler, bride. + + For if love builds up the home, + Where the heart is free, + Homeless yet the heart must roam, + That has not found thee. + + One must suffer: I, for her + Yield in her my part + Take her, thou art worthier-- + Still I be still, my heart! + + Gift ungotten! largess high + Of a frustrate will! + But to yield it lovingly + Is a something still. + +Then a little song arose of itself in my soul; and I felt for the +moment, while it sank sadly within me, as if I was once more walking up +and down the white hall of Phantasy in the Fairy Palace. But this lasted +no longer than the song; as will be seen. + + Do not vex thy violet + Perfume to afford: + Else no odour thou wilt get + From its little hoard. + + In thy lady's gracious eyes + Look not thou too long; + Else from them the glory flies, + And thou dost her wrong. + + Come not thou too near the maid, + Clasp her not too wild; + Else the splendour is allayed, + And thy heart beguiled. + +A crash of laughter, more discordant and deriding than any I had yet +heard, invaded my ears. Looking on in the direction of the sound, I saw +a little elderly woman, much taller, however, than the goblins I had +just left, seated upon a stone by the side of the path. She rose, as I +drew near, and came forward to meet me. + +She was very plain and commonplace in appearance, without being +hideously ugly. Looking up in my face with a stupid sneer, she said: +"Isn't it a pity you haven't a pretty girl to walk all alone with +you through this sweet country? How different everything would look? +wouldn't it? Strange that one can never have what one would like best! +How the roses would bloom and all that, even in this infernal hole! +wouldn't they, Anodos? Her eyes would light up the old cave, wouldn't +they?" + +"That depends on who the pretty girl should be," replied I. + +"Not so very much matter that," she answered; "look here." + +I had turned to go away as I gave my reply, but now I stopped and looked +at her. As a rough unsightly bud might suddenly blossom into the most +lovely flower; or rather, as a sunbeam bursts through a shapeless cloud, +and transfigures the earth; so burst a face of resplendent beauty, as it +were THROUGH the unsightly visage of the woman, destroying it with light +as it dawned through it. A summer sky rose above me, gray with heat; +across a shining slumberous landscape, looked from afar the peaks of +snow-capped mountains; and down from a great rock beside me fell a sheet +of water mad with its own delight. + +"Stay with me," she said, lifting up her exquisite face, and looking +full in mine. + +I drew back. Again the infernal laugh grated upon my ears; again the +rocks closed in around me, and the ugly woman looked at me with wicked, +mocking hazel eyes. + +"You shall have your reward," said she. "You shall see your white lady +again." + +"That lies not with you," I replied, and turned and left her. + +She followed me with shriek upon shriek of laughter, as I went on my +way. + +I may mention here, that although there was always light enough to see +my path and a few yards on every side of me, I never could find out the +source of this sad sepulchral illumination. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + + "In the wind's uproar, the sea's raging grim, + And the sighs that are born in him." + HEINE. + + + "From dreams of bliss shall men awake + One day, but not to weep: + The dreams remain; they only break + The mirror of the sleep." + JEAN PAUL, Hesperus. + +How I got through this dreary part of my travels, I do not know. I do +not think I was upheld by the hope that any moment the light might break +in upon me; for I scarcely thought about that. I went on with a dull +endurance, varied by moments of uncontrollable sadness; for more and +more the conviction grew upon me that I should never see the white +lady again. It may seem strange that one with whom I had held so little +communion should have so engrossed my thoughts; but benefits conferred +awaken love in some minds, as surely as benefits received in others. +Besides being delighted and proud that my songs had called the +beautiful creature to life, the same fact caused me to feel a tenderness +unspeakable for her, accompanied with a kind of feeling of property in +her; for so the goblin Selfishness would reward the angel Love. When +to all this is added, an overpowering sense of her beauty, and +an unquestioning conviction that this was a true index to inward +loveliness, it may be understood how it came to pass that my imagination +filled my whole soul with the play of its own multitudinous colours and +harmonies around the form which yet stood, a gracious marble radiance, +in the midst of ITS white hall of phantasy. The time passed by unheeded; +for my thoughts were busy. Perhaps this was also in part the cause of my +needing no food, and never thinking how I should find any, during this +subterraneous part of my travels. How long they endured I could not +tell, for I had no means of measuring time; and when I looked back, +there was such a discrepancy between the decisions of my imagination +and my judgment, as to the length of time that had passed, that I was +bewildered, and gave up all attempts to arrive at any conclusion on the +point. + +A gray mist continually gathered behind me. When I looked back towards +the past, this mist was the medium through which my eyes had to strain +for a vision of what had gone by; and the form of the white lady had +receded into an unknown region. At length the country of rock began +to close again around me, gradually and slowly narrowing, till I found +myself walking in a gallery of rock once more, both sides of which I +could touch with my outstretched hands. It narrowed yet, until I +was forced to move carefully, in order to avoid striking against the +projecting pieces of rock. The roof sank lower and lower, until I was +compelled, first to stoop, and then to creep on my hands and knees. +It recalled terrible dreams of childhood; but I was not much afraid, +because I felt sure that this was my path, and my only hope of leaving +Fairy Land, of which I was now almost weary. + +At length, on getting past an abrupt turn in the passage, through +which I had to force myself, I saw, a few yards ahead of me, the +long-forgotten daylight shining through a small opening, to which the +path, if path it could now be called, led me. With great difficulty I +accomplished these last few yards, and came forth to the day. I stood on +the shore of a wintry sea, with a wintry sun just a few feet above its +horizon-edge. It was bare, and waste, and gray. Hundreds of hopeless +waves rushed constantly shorewards, falling exhausted upon a beach +of great loose stones, that seemed to stretch miles and miles in both +directions. There was nothing for the eye but mingling shades of +gray; nothing for the ear but the rush of the coming, the roar of the +breaking, and the moan of the retreating wave. No rock lifted up a +sheltering severity above the dreariness around; even that from which I +had myself emerged rose scarcely a foot above the opening by which I +had reached the dismal day, more dismal even than the tomb I had left. +A cold, death-like wind swept across the shore, seeming to issue from a +pale mouth of cloud upon the horizon. Sign of life was nowhere visible. +I wandered over the stones, up and down the beach, a human imbodiment of +the nature around me. The wind increased; its keen waves flowed through +my soul; the foam rushed higher up the stones; a few dead stars began +to gleam in the east; the sound of the waves grew louder and yet more +despairing. A dark curtain of cloud was lifted up, and a pale blue rent +shone between its foot and the edge of the sea, out from which rushed an +icy storm of frozen wind, that tore the waters into spray as it passed, +and flung the billows in raving heaps upon the desolate shore. I could +bear it no longer. + +"I will not be tortured to death," I cried; "I will meet it half-way. +The life within me is yet enough to bear me up to the face of Death, and +then I die unconquered." + +Before it had grown so dark, I had observed, though without any +particular interest, that on one part of the shore a low platform of +rock seemed to run out far into the midst of the breaking waters. + +Towards this I now went, scrambling over smooth stones, to which scarce +even a particle of sea-weed clung; and having found it, I got on it, and +followed its direction, as near as I could guess, out into the tumbling +chaos. I could hardly keep my feet against the wind and sea. The waves +repeatedly all but swept me off my path; but I kept on my way, till I +reached the end of the low promontory, which, in the fall of the waves, +rose a good many feet above the surface, and, in their rise, was covered +with their waters. I stood one moment and gazed into the heaving abyss +beneath me; then plunged headlong into the mounting wave below. A +blessing, like the kiss of a mother, seemed to alight on my soul; a +calm, deeper than that which accompanies a hope deferred, bathed my +spirit. I sank far into the waters, and sought not to return. I felt as +if once more the great arms of the beech-tree were around me, soothing +me after the miseries I had passed through, and telling me, like a +little sick child, that I should be better to-morrow. The waters of +themselves lifted me, as with loving arms, to the surface. I breathed +again, but did not unclose my eyes. I would not look on the wintry sea, +and the pitiless gray sky. Thus I floated, till something gently touched +me. It was a little boat floating beside me. How it came there I could +not tell; but it rose and sank on the waters, and kept touching me in +its fall, as if with a human will to let me know that help was by me. It +was a little gay-coloured boat, seemingly covered with glistering scales +like those of a fish, all of brilliant rainbow hues. I scrambled into +it, and lay down in the bottom, with a sense of exquisite repose. + +Then I drew over me a rich, heavy, purple cloth that was beside me; and, +lying still, knew, by the sound of the waters, that my little bark was +fleeting rapidly onwards. Finding, however, none of that stormy motion +which the sea had manifested when I beheld it from the shore, I opened +my eyes; and, looking first up, saw above me the deep violet sky of a +warm southern night; and then, lifting my head, saw that I was sailing +fast upon a summer sea, in the last border of a southern twilight. The +aureole of the sun yet shot the extreme faint tips of its longest rays +above the horizon-waves, and withdrew them not. It was a perpetual +twilight. The stars, great and earnest, like children's eyes, bent down +lovingly towards the waters; and the reflected stars within seemed to +float up, as if longing to meet their embraces. But when I looked down, +a new wonder met my view. For, vaguely revealed beneath the wave, I +floated above my whole Past. The fields of my childhood flitted by; the +halls of my youthful labours; the streets of great cities where I had +dwelt; and the assemblies of men and women wherein I had wearied myself +seeking for rest. But so indistinct were the visions, that sometimes +I thought I was sailing on a shallow sea, and that strange rocks and +forests of sea-plants beguiled my eye, sufficiently to be transformed, +by the magic of the phantasy, into well-known objects and regions. Yet, +at times, a beloved form seemed to lie close beneath me in sleep; and +the eyelids would tremble as if about to forsake the conscious eye; +and the arms would heave upwards, as if in dreams they sought for a +satisfying presence. But these motions might come only from the heaving +of the waters between those forms and me. Soon I fell asleep, overcome +with fatigue and delight. In dreams of unspeakable joy--of restored +friendships; of revived embraces; of love which said it had never died; +of faces that had vanished long ago, yet said with smiling lips that +they knew nothing of the grave; of pardons implored, and granted with +such bursting floods of love, that I was almost glad I had sinned--thus +I passed through this wondrous twilight. I awoke with the feeling that I +had been kissed and loved to my heart's content; and found that my boat +was floating motionless by the grassy shore of a little island. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + + "In still rest, in changeless simplicity, I bear, + uninterrupted, the consciousness of the whole of Humanity + within me."--SCHLEIERMACHERS, Monologen. + + "... such a sweetness, such a grace, + In all thy speech appear, + That what to th'eye a beauteous face, + That thy tongue is to the ear." + --COWLEY. + +The water was deep to the very edge; and I sprang from the little boat +upon a soft grassy turf. The island seemed rich with a profusion of all +grasses and low flowers. All delicate lowly things were most plentiful; +but no trees rose skywards, not even a bush overtopped the tall grasses, +except in one place near the cottage I am about to describe, where a few +plants of the gum-cistus, which drops every night all the blossoms that +the day brings forth, formed a kind of natural arbour. The whole island +lay open to the sky and sea. It rose nowhere more than a few feet above +the level of the waters, which flowed deep all around its border. Here +there seemed to be neither tide nor storm. A sense of persistent calm +and fulness arose in the mind at the sight of the slow, pulse-like rise +and fall of the deep, clear, unrippled waters against the bank of the +island, for shore it could hardly be called, being so much more like +the edge of a full, solemn river. As I walked over the grass towards the +cottage, which stood at a little distance from the bank, all the flowers +of childhood looked at me with perfect child-eyes out of the grass. My +heart, softened by the dreams through which it had passed, overflowed +in a sad, tender love towards them. They looked to me like children +impregnably fortified in a helpless confidence. The sun stood half-way +down the western sky, shining very soft and golden; and there grew a +second world of shadows amidst the world of grasses and wild flowers. + +The cottage was square, with low walls, and a high pyramidal roof +thatched with long reeds, of which the withered blossoms hung over all +the eaves. It is noticeable that most of the buildings I saw in Fairy +Land were cottages. There was no path to a door, nor, indeed, was there +any track worn by footsteps in the island. + +The cottage rose right out of the smooth turf. It had no windows that I +could see; but there was a door in the centre of the side facing me, +up to which I went. I knocked, and the sweetest voice I had ever heard +said, "Come in." I entered. A bright fire was burning on a hearth in +the centre of the earthern floor, and the smoke found its way out at an +opening in the centre of the pyramidal roof. Over the fire hung a little +pot, and over the pot bent a woman-face, the most wonderful, I thought, +that I had ever beheld. For it was older than any countenance I had ever +looked upon. There was not a spot in which a wrinkle could lie, where a +wrinkle lay not. And the skin was ancient and brown, like old parchment. +The woman's form was tall and spare: and when she stood up to welcome +me, I saw that she was straight as an arrow. Could that voice of +sweetness have issued from those lips of age? Mild as they were, could +they be the portals whence flowed such melody? But the moment I saw +her eyes, I no longer wondered at her voice: they were absolutely +young--those of a woman of five-and-twenty, large, and of a clear gray. +Wrinkles had beset them all about; the eyelids themselves were old, and +heavy, and worn; but the eyes were very incarnations of soft light. She +held out her hand to me, and the voice of sweetness again greeted me, +with the single word, "Welcome." She set an old wooden chair for me, +near the fire, and went on with her cooking. A wondrous sense of refuge +and repose came upon me. I felt like a boy who has got home from school, +miles across the hills, through a heavy storm of wind and snow. Almost, +as I gazed on her, I sprang from my seat to kiss those old lips. And +when, having finished her cooking, she brought some of the dish she had +prepared, and set it on a little table by me, covered with a snow-white +cloth, I could not help laying my head on her bosom, and bursting +into happy tears. She put her arms round me, saying, "Poor child; poor +child!" + +As I continued to weep, she gently disengaged herself, and, taking a +spoon, put some of the food (I did not know what it was) to my lips, +entreating me most endearingly to swallow it. To please her, I made an +effort, and succeeded. She went on feeding me like a baby, with one arm +round me, till I looked up in her face and smiled: then she gave me the +spoon and told me to eat, for it would do me good. I obeyed her, and +found myself wonderfully refreshed. Then she drew near the fire an +old-fashioned couch that was in the cottage, and making me lie down +upon it, sat at my feet, and began to sing. Amazing store of old ballads +rippled from her lips, over the pebbles of ancient tunes; and the voice +that sang was sweet as the voice of a tuneful maiden that singeth ever +from very fulness of song. The songs were almost all sad, but with a +sound of comfort. One I can faintly recall. It was something like this: + + Sir Aglovaile through the churchyard rode; + SING, ALL ALONE I LIE: + Little recked he where'er he yode, + ALL ALONE, UP IN THE SKY. + + Swerved his courser, and plunged with fear + ALL ALONE I LIE: + His cry might have wakened the dead men near, + ALL ALONE, UP IN THE SKY. + + The very dead that lay at his feet, + Lapt in the mouldy winding-sheet. + + But he curbed him and spurred him, until he stood + Still in his place, like a horse of wood, + + With nostrils uplift, and eyes wide and wan; + But the sweat in streams from his fetlocks ran. + + A ghost grew out of the shadowy air, + And sat in the midst of her moony hair. + + In her gleamy hair she sat and wept; + In the dreamful moon they lay and slept; + + The shadows above, and the bodies below, + Lay and slept in the moonbeams slow. + + And she sang, like the moan of an autumn wind + Over the stubble left behind: + + Alas, how easily things go wrong! + A sigh too much, or a kiss too long, + And there follows a mist and a weeping rain, + And life is never the same again. + + Alas, how hardly things go right! + 'Tis hard to watch on a summer night, + For the sigh will come and the kiss will stay, + And the summer night is a winter day. + + "Oh, lovely ghosts my heart is woes + To see thee weeping and wailing so. + + Oh, lovely ghost," said the fearless knight, + "Can the sword of a warrior set it right? + + Or prayer of bedesman, praying mild, + As a cup of water a feverish child, + + Sooth thee at last, in dreamless mood + To sleep the sleep a dead lady should? + + Thine eyes they fill me with longing sore, + As if I had known thee for evermore. + + Oh, lovely ghost, I could leave the day + To sit with thee in the moon away + + If thou wouldst trust me, and lay thy head + To rest on a bosom that is not dead." + The lady sprang up with a strange ghost-cry, + And she flung her white ghost-arms on high: + + And she laughed a laugh that was not gay, + And it lengthened out till it died away; + + And the dead beneath turned and moaned, + And the yew-trees above they shuddered and groaned. + + "Will he love me twice with a love that is vain? + Will he kill the poor ghost yet again? + + I thought thou wert good; but I said, and wept: + 'Can I have dreamed who have not slept?' + + And I knew, alas! or ever I would, + Whether I dreamed, or thou wert good. + + When my baby died, my brain grew wild. + I awoke, and found I was with my child." + + "If thou art the ghost of my Adelaide, + How is it? Thou wert but a village maid, + + And thou seemest an angel lady white, + Though thin, and wan, and past delight." + + The lady smiled a flickering smile, + And she pressed her temples hard the while. + + "Thou seest that Death for a woman can + Do more than knighthood for a man." + + "But show me the child thou callest mine, + Is she out to-night in the ghost's sunshine?" + + "In St. Peter's Church she is playing on, + At hide-and-seek, with Apostle John. + + When the moonbeams right through the window go, + Where the twelve are standing in glorious show, + + She says the rest of them do not stir, + But one comes down to play with her. + + Then I can go where I list, and weep, + For good St. John my child will keep." + + "Thy beauty filleth the very air, + Never saw I a woman so fair." + + "Come, if thou darest, and sit by my side; + But do not touch me, or woe will betide. + + Alas, I am weak: I might well know + This gladness betokens some further woe. + + Yet come. It will come. I will bear it. I can. + For thou lovest me yet--though but as a man." + + The knight dismounted in earnest speed; + Away through the tombstones thundered the steed, + + And fell by the outer wall, and died. + But the knight he kneeled by the lady's side; + + Kneeled beside her in wondrous bliss, + Rapt in an everlasting kiss: + + Though never his lips come the lady nigh, + And his eyes alone on her beauty lie. + + All the night long, till the cock crew loud, + He kneeled by the lady, lapt in her shroud. + + And what they said, I may not say: + Dead night was sweeter than living day. + + How she made him so blissful glad + Who made her and found her so ghostly sad, + + I may not tell; but it needs no touch + To make them blessed who love so much. + + "Come every night, my ghost, to me; + And one night I will come to thee. + + 'Tis good to have a ghostly wife: + She will not tremble at clang of strife; + + She will only hearken, amid the din, + Behind the door, if he cometh in." + + And this is how Sir Aglovaile + Often walked in the moonlight pale. + + And oft when the crescent but thinned the gloom, + Full orbed moonlight filled his room; + + And through beneath his chamber door, + Fell a ghostly gleam on the outer floor; + + And they that passed, in fear averred + That murmured words they often heard. + + 'Twas then that the eastern crescent shone + Through the chancel window, and good St. John + + Played with the ghost-child all the night, + And the mother was free till the morning light, + + And sped through the dawning night, to stay + With Aglovaile till the break of day. + + And their love was a rapture, lone and high, + And dumb as the moon in the topmost sky. + + One night Sir Aglovaile, weary, slept + And dreamed a dream wherein he wept. + + A warrior he was, not often wept he, + But this night he wept full bitterly. + + He woke--beside him the ghost-girl shone + Out of the dark: 'twas the eve of St. John. + + He had dreamed a dream of a still, dark wood, + Where the maiden of old beside him stood; + + But a mist came down, and caught her away, + And he sought her in vain through the pathless day, + + Till he wept with the grief that can do no more, + And thought he had dreamt the dream before. + + From bursting heart the weeping flowed on; + And lo! beside him the ghost-girl shone; + + Shone like the light on a harbour's breast, + Over the sea of his dream's unrest; + + Shone like the wondrous, nameless boon, + That the heart seeks ever, night or noon: + + Warnings forgotten, when needed most, + He clasped to his bosom the radiant ghost. + + She wailed aloud, and faded, and sank. + With upturn'd white face, cold and blank, + + In his arms lay the corpse of the maiden pale, + And she came no more to Sir Aglovaile. + + Only a voice, when winds were wild, + Sobbed and wailed like a chidden child. + + Alas, how easily things go wrong! + A sigh too much, or a kiss too long, + And there follows a mist and a weeping rain, + And life is never the same again. + +This was one of the simplest of her songs, which, perhaps, is the cause +of my being able to remember it better than most of the others. While +she sung, I was in Elysium, with the sense of a rich soul upholding, +embracing, and overhanging mine, full of all plenty and bounty. I felt +as if she could give me everything I wanted; as if I should never wish +to leave her, but would be content to be sung to and fed by her, day +after day, as years rolled by. At last I fell asleep while she sang. + +When I awoke, I knew not whether it was night or day. The fire had sunk +to a few red embers, which just gave light enough to show me the woman +standing a few feet from me, with her back towards me, facing the +door by which I had entered. She was weeping, but very gently and +plentifully. The tears seemed to come freely from her heart. Thus she +stood for a few minutes; then, slowly turning at right angles to her +former position, she faced another of the four sides of the cottage. +I now observed, for the first time, that here was a door likewise; and +that, indeed, there was one in the centre of every side of the cottage. + +When she looked towards the second door, her tears ceased to flow, but +sighs took their place. She often closed her eyes as she stood; and +every time she closed her eyes, a gentle sigh seemed to be born in her +heart, and to escape at her lips. But when her eyes were open, her +sighs were deep and very sad, and shook her whole frame. Then she turned +towards the third door, and a cry as of fear or suppressed pain broke +from her; but she seemed to hearten herself against the dismay, and +to front it steadily; for, although I often heard a slight cry, and +sometimes a moan, yet she never moved or bent her head, and I felt sure +that her eyes never closed. Then she turned to the fourth door, and +I saw her shudder, and then stand still as a statue; till at last she +turned towards me and approached the fire. I saw that her face was white +as death. But she gave one look upwards, and smiled the sweetest, most +child-innocent smile; then heaped fresh wood on the fire, and, sitting +down by the blaze, drew her wheel near her, and began to spin. While +she spun, she murmured a low strange song, to which the hum of the wheel +made a kind of infinite symphony. At length she paused in her spinning +and singing, and glanced towards me, like a mother who looks whether +or not her child gives signs of waking. She smiled when she saw that my +eyes were open. I asked her whether it was day yet. She answered, "It is +always day here, so long as I keep my fire burning." + +I felt wonderfully refreshed; and a great desire to see more of the +island awoke within me. I rose, and saying that I wished to look about +me, went towards the door by which I had entered. + +"Stay a moment," said my hostess, with some trepidation in her voice. +"Listen to me. You will not see what you expect when you go out of that +door. Only remember this: whenever you wish to come back to me, enter +wherever you see this mark." + +She held up her left hand between me and the fire. Upon the palm, which +appeared almost transparent, I saw, in dark red, a mark like this --> +which I took care to fix in my mind. + +She then kissed me, and bade me good-bye with a solemnity that awed me; +and bewildered me too, seeing I was only going out for a little ramble +in an island, which I did not believe larger than could easily be +compassed in a few hours' walk at most. As I went she resumed her +spinning. + +I opened the door, and stepped out. The moment my foot touched the +smooth sward, I seemed to issue from the door of an old barn on my +father's estate, where, in the hot afternoons, I used to go and lie +amongst the straw, and read. It seemed to me now that I had been asleep +there. At a little distance in the field, I saw two of my brothers at +play. The moment they caught sight of me, they called out to me to come +and join them, which I did; and we played together as we had done years +ago, till the red sun went down in the west, and the gray fog began +to rise from the river. Then we went home together with a strange +happiness. As we went, we heard the continually renewed larum of a +landrail in the long grass. One of my brothers and I separated to a +little distance, and each commenced running towards the part whence the +sound appeared to come, in the hope of approaching the spot where the +bird was, and so getting at least a sight of it, if we should not be +able to capture the little creature. My father's voice recalled us from +trampling down the rich long grass, soon to be cut down and laid aside +for the winter. I had quite forgotten all about Fairy Land, and the +wonderful old woman, and the curious red mark. + +My favourite brother and I shared the same bed. Some childish dispute +arose between us; and our last words, ere we fell asleep, were not of +kindness, notwithstanding the pleasures of the day. When I woke in the +morning, I missed him. He had risen early, and had gone to bathe in the +river. In another hour, he was brought home drowned. Alas! alas! if we +had only gone to sleep as usual, the one with his arm about the other! +Amidst the horror of the moment, a strange conviction flashed across my +mind, that I had gone through the very same once before. + +I rushed out of the house, I knew not why, sobbing and crying bitterly. +I ran through the fields in aimless distress, till, passing the old +barn, I caught sight of a red mark on the door. The merest trifles +sometimes rivet the attention in the deepest misery; the intellect has +so little to do with grief. I went up to look at this mark, which I did +not remember ever to have seen before. As I looked at it, I thought I +would go in and lie down amongst the straw, for I was very weary with +running about and weeping. I opened the door; and there in the cottage +sat the old woman as I had left her, at her spinning-wheel. + +"I did not expect you quite so soon," she said, as I shut the door +behind me. I went up to the couch, and threw myself on it with that +fatigue wherewith one awakes from a feverish dream of hopeless grief. + +The old woman sang: + + The great sun, benighted, + May faint from the sky; + But love, once uplighted, + Will never more die. + + Form, with its brightness, + From eyes will depart: + It walketh, in whiteness, + The halls of the heart. + +Ere she had ceased singing, my courage had returned. I started from the +couch, and, without taking leave of the old woman, opened the door of +Sighs, and sprang into what should appear. + +I stood in a lordly hall, where, by a blazing fire on the hearth, sat a +lady, waiting, I knew, for some one long desired. A mirror was near me, +but I saw that my form had no place within its depths, so I feared not +that I should be seen. The lady wonderfully resembled my marble lady, +but was altogether of the daughters of men, and I could not tell whether +or not it was she. + +It was not for me she waited. The tramp of a great horse rang through +the court without. It ceased, and the clang of armour told that his +rider alighted, and the sound of his ringing heels approached the hall. +The door opened; but the lady waited, for she would meet her lord alone. +He strode in: she flew like a home-bound dove into his arms, and nestled +on the hard steel. It was the knight of the soiled armour. But now the +armour shone like polished glass; and strange to tell, though the mirror +reflected not my form, I saw a dim shadow of myself in the shining +steel. + +"O my beloved, thou art come, and I am blessed." + +Her soft fingers speedily overcame the hard clasp of his helmet; one by +one she undid the buckles of his armour; and she toiled under the +weight of the mail, as she WOULD carry it aside. Then she unclasped +his greaves, and unbuckled his spurs; and once more she sprang into +his arms, and laid her head where she could now feel the beating of his +heart. Then she disengaged herself from his embrace, and, moving back a +step or two, gazed at him. He stood there a mighty form, crowned with a +noble head, where all sadness had disappeared, or had been absorbed in +solemn purpose. Yet I suppose that he looked more thoughtful than +the lady had expected to see him, for she did not renew her caresses, +although his face glowed with love, and the few words he spoke were +as mighty deeds for strength; but she led him towards the hearth, and +seated him in an ancient chair, and set wine before him, and sat at his +feet. + +"I am sad," he said, "when I think of the youth whom I met twice in the +forests of Fairy Land; and who, you say, twice, with his songs, roused +you from the death-sleep of an evil enchantment. There was something +noble in him, but it was a nobleness of thought, and not of deed. He may +yet perish of vile fear." + +"Ah!" returned the lady, "you saved him once, and for that I thank you; +for may I not say that I somewhat loved him? But tell me how you fared, +when you struck your battle-axe into the ash-tree, and he came and found +you; for so much of the story you had told me, when the beggar-child +came and took you away." + +"As soon as I saw him," rejoined the knight, "I knew that earthly arms +availed not against such as he; and that my soul must meet him in its +naked strength. So I unclasped my helm, and flung it on the ground; and, +holding my good axe yet in my hand, gazed at him with steady eyes. On +he came, a horror indeed, but I did not flinch. Endurance must conquer, +where force could not reach. He came nearer and nearer, till the ghastly +face was close to mine. A shudder as of death ran through me; but I +think I did not move, for he seemed to quail, and retreated. As soon +as he gave back, I struck one more sturdy blow on the stem of his tree, +that the forest rang; and then looked at him again. He writhed and +grinned with rage and apparent pain, and again approached me, but +retreated sooner than before. I heeded him no more, but hewed with a +will at the tree, till the trunk creaked, and the head bowed, and with a +crash it fell to the earth. Then I looked up from my labour, and lo! the +spectre had vanished, and I saw him no more; nor ever in my wanderings +have I heard of him again." + +"Well struck! well withstood! my hero," said the lady. + +"But," said the knight, somewhat troubled, "dost thou love the youth +still?" + +"Ah!" she replied, "how can I help it? He woke me from worse than death; +he loved me. I had never been for thee, if he had not sought me first. +But I love him not as I love thee. He was but the moon of my night; thou +art the sun of my day, O beloved." + +"Thou art right," returned the noble man. "It were hard, indeed, not to +have some love in return for such a gift as he hath given thee. I, too, +owe him more than words can speak." + +Humbled before them, with an aching and desolate heart, I yet could not +restrain my words: + +"Let me, then, be the moon of thy night still, O woman! And when thy day +is beclouded, as the fairest days will be, let some song of mine comfort +thee, as an old, withered, half-forgotten thing, that belongs to an +ancient mournful hour of uncompleted birth, which yet was beautiful in +its time." + +They sat silent, and I almost thought they were listening. The colour of +the lady's eyes grew deeper and deeper; the slow tears grew, and filled +them, and overflowed. They rose, and passed, hand in hand, close +to where I stood; and each looked towards me in passing. Then they +disappeared through a door which closed behind them; but, ere it closed, +I saw that the room into which it opened was a rich chamber, hung with +gorgeous arras. I stood with an ocean of sighs frozen in my bosom. I +could remain no longer. She was near me, and I could not see her; near +me in the arms of one loved better than I, and I would not see her, and +I would not be by her. But how to escape from the nearness of the best +beloved? I had not this time forgotten the mark; for the fact that I +could not enter the sphere of these living beings kept me aware that, +for me, I moved in a vision, while they moved in life. I looked all +about for the mark, but could see it nowhere; for I avoided looking +just where it was. There the dull red cipher glowed, on the very door of +their secret chamber. Struck with agony, I dashed it open, and fell at +the feet of the ancient woman, who still spun on, the whole dissolved +ocean of my sighs bursting from me in a storm of tearless sobs. Whether +I fainted or slept, I do not know; but, as I returned to consciousness, +before I seemed to have power to move, I heard the woman singing, and +could distinguish the words: + + O light of dead and of dying days! + O Love! in thy glory go, + In a rosy mist and a moony maze, + O'er the pathless peaks of snow. + + But what is left for the cold gray soul, + That moans like a wounded dove? + One wine is left in the broken bowl!-- + 'Tis--TO LOVE, AND LOVE AND LOVE. + + Now I could weep. When she saw me weeping, she sang: + + Better to sit at the waters' birth, + Than a sea of waves to win; + To live in the love that floweth forth, + Than the love that cometh in. + + Be thy heart a well of love, my child, + Flowing, and free, and sure; + For a cistern of love, though undefiled, + Keeps not the spirit pure. + +I rose from the earth, loving the white lady as I had never loved her +before. + +Then I walked up to the door of Dismay, and opened it, and went out. And +lo! I came forth upon a crowded street, where men and women went to +and fro in multitudes. I knew it well; and, turning to one hand, walked +sadly along the pavement. Suddenly I saw approaching me, a little way +off, a form well known to me (WELL-KNOWN!--alas, how weak the word!) in +the years when I thought my boyhood was left behind, and shortly before +I entered the realm of Fairy Land. Wrong and Sorrow had gone together, +hand-in-hand as it is well they do. + +Unchangeably dear was that face. It lay in my heart as a child lies in +its own white bed; but I could not meet her. + +"Anything but that," I said, and, turning aside, sprang up the steps +to a door, on which I fancied I saw the mystic sign. I entered--not the +mysterious cottage, but her home. I rushed wildly on, and stood by the +door of her room. + +"She is out," I said, "I will see the old room once more." + +I opened the door gently, and stood in a great solemn church. A +deep-toned bell, whose sounds throbbed and echoed and swam through the +empty building, struck the hour of midnight. The moon shone through +the windows of the clerestory, and enough of the ghostly radiance was +diffused through the church to let me see, walking with a stately, yet +somewhat trailing and stumbling step, down the opposite aisle, for I +stood in one of the transepts, a figure dressed in a white robe, whether +for the night, or for that longer night which lies too deep for the day, +I could not tell. Was it she? and was this her chamber? I crossed the +church, and followed. The figure stopped, seemed to ascend as it were +a high bed, and lay down. I reached the place where it lay, glimmering +white. The bed was a tomb. The light was too ghostly to see clearly, but +I passed my hand over the face and the hands and the feet, which were +all bare. They were cold--they were marble, but I knew them. It grew +dark. I turned to retrace my steps, but found, ere long, that I had +wandered into what seemed a little chapel. I groped about, seeking the +door. Everything I touched belonged to the dead. My hands fell on the +cold effigy of a knight who lay with his legs crossed and his sword +broken beside him. He lay in his noble rest, and I lived on in ignoble +strife. I felt for the left hand and a certain finger; I found there the +ring I knew: he was one of my own ancestors. I was in the chapel over +the burial-vault of my race. I called aloud: "If any of the dead are +moving here, let them take pity upon me, for I, alas! am still alive; +and let some dead woman comfort me, for I am a stranger in the land of +the dead, and see no light." A warm kiss alighted on my lips through +the dark. And I said, "The dead kiss well; I will not be afraid." And a +great hand was reached out of the dark, and grasped mine for a moment, +mightily and tenderly. I said to myself: "The veil between, though very +dark, is very thin." + +Groping my way further, I stumbled over the heavy stone that covered the +entrance of the vault: and, in stumbling, descried upon the stone the +mark, glowing in red fire. I caught the great ring. All my effort could +not have moved the huge slab; but it opened the door of the cottage, and +I threw myself once more, pale and speechless, on the couch beside the +ancient dame. She sang once more: + + Thou dreamest: on a rock thou art, + High o'er the broken wave; + Thou fallest with a fearful start + But not into thy grave; + For, waking in the morning's light, + Thou smilest at the vanished night + + So wilt thou sink, all pale and dumb, + Into the fainting gloom; + But ere the coming terrors come, + Thou wak'st--where is the tomb? + Thou wak'st--the dead ones smile above, + With hovering arms of sleepless love. + + She paused; then sang again: + + We weep for gladness, weep for grief; + The tears they are the same; + We sigh for longing, and relief; + The sighs have but one name, + + And mingled in the dying strife, + Are moans that are not sad + The pangs of death are throbs of life, + Its sighs are sometimes glad. + + The face is very strange and white: + It is Earth's only spot + That feebly flickers back the light + The living seeth not. + + I fell asleep, and slept a dreamless sleep, for I know not how +long. When I awoke, I found that my hostess had moved from where she had +been sitting, and now sat between me and the fourth door. + +I guessed that her design was to prevent my entering there. I sprang +from the couch, and darted past her to the door. I opened it at once and +went out. All I remember is a cry of distress from the woman: "Don't go +there, my child! Don't go there!" But I was gone. + +I knew nothing more; or, if I did, I had forgot it all when I awoke to +consciousness, lying on the floor of the cottage, with my head in the +lap of the woman, who was weeping over me, and stroking my hair with +both hands, talking to me as a mother might talk to a sick and sleeping, +or a dead child. As soon as I looked up and saw her, she smiled +through her tears; smiled with withered face and young eyes, till her +countenance was irradiated with the light of the smile. Then she bathed +my head and face and hands in an icy cold, colourless liquid, which +smelt a little of damp earth. Immediately I was able to sit up. She rose +and put some food before me. When I had eaten, she said: "Listen to me, +my child. You must leave me directly!" + +"Leave you!" I said. "I am so happy with you. I never was so happy in my +life." + +"But you must go," she rejoined sadly. "Listen! What do you hear?" + +"I hear the sound as of a great throbbing of water." + +"Ah! you do hear it? Well, I had to go through that door--the door of +the Timeless" (and she shuddered as she pointed to the fourth door)--"to +find you; for if I had not gone, you would never have entered again; +and because I went, the waters around my cottage will rise and rise, +and flow and come, till they build a great firmament of waters over my +dwelling. But as long as I keep my fire burning, they cannot enter. +I have fuel enough for years; and after one year they will sink away +again, and be just as they were before you came. I have not been buried +for a hundred years now." And she smiled and wept. + +"Alas! alas!" I cried. "I have brought this evil on the best and kindest +of friends, who has filled my heart with great gifts." + +"Do not think of that," she rejoined. "I can bear it very well. You will +come back to me some day, I know. But I beg you, for my sake, my +dear child, to do one thing. In whatever sorrow you may be, however +inconsolable and irremediable it may appear, believe me that the old +woman in the cottage, with the young eyes" (and she smiled), "knows +something, though she must not always tell it, that would quite satisfy +you about it, even in the worst moments of your distress. Now you must +go." + +"But how can I go, if the waters are all about, and if the doors all +lead into other regions and other worlds?" + +"This is not an island," she replied; "but is joined to the land by a +narrow neck; and for the door, I will lead you myself through the right +one." + +She took my hand, and led me through the third door; whereupon I found +myself standing in the deep grassy turf on which I had landed from the +little boat, but upon the opposite side of the cottage. She pointed out +the direction I must take, to find the isthmus and escape the rising +waters. + +Then putting her arms around me, she held me to her bosom; and as I +kissed her, I felt as if I were leaving my mother for the first time, +and could not help weeping bitterly. At length she gently pushed me +away, and with the words, "Go, my son, and do something worth doing," +turned back, and, entering the cottage, closed the door behind her. I +felt very desolate as I went. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + + "Thou hadst no fame; that which thou didst like good + Was but thy appetite that swayed thy blood + For that time to the best; for as a blast + That through a house comes, usually doth cast + Things out of order, yet by chance may come + And blow some one thing to his proper room, + So did thy appetite, and not thy zeal, + Sway thee by chance to do some one thing well." + FLETCHER'S Faithful Shepherdess. + + "The noble hart that harbours vertuous thought + And is with childe of glorious great intent, + Can never rest, until it forth have brought + Th' eternall brood of glorie excellent." + SPENSER, The Faerie Queene. + +I had not gone very far before I felt that the turf beneath my feet was +soaked with the rising waters. But I reached the isthmus in safety. It +was rocky, and so much higher than the level of the peninsula, that I +had plenty of time to cross. I saw on each side of me the water rising +rapidly, altogether without wind, or violent motion, or broken waves, +but as if a slow strong fire were glowing beneath it. Ascending a steep +acclivity, I found myself at last in an open, rocky country. After +travelling for some hours, as nearly in a straight line as I could, +I arrived at a lonely tower, built on the top of a little hill, which +overlooked the whole neighbouring country. As I approached, I heard +the clang of an anvil; and so rapid were the blows, that I despaired of +making myself heard till a pause in the work should ensue. It was +some minutes before a cessation took place; but when it did, I knocked +loudly, and had not long to wait; for, a moment after, the door was +partly opened by a noble-looking youth, half-undressed, glowing with +heat, and begrimed with the blackness of the forge. In one hand he held +a sword, so lately from the furnace that it yet shone with a dull fire. +As soon as he saw me, he threw the door wide open, and standing aside, +invited me very cordially to enter. I did so; when he shut and bolted +the door most carefully, and then led the way inwards. He brought me +into a rude hall, which seemed to occupy almost the whole of the ground +floor of the little tower, and which I saw was now being used as a +workshop. A huge fire roared on the hearth, beside which was an anvil. +By the anvil stood, in similar undress, and in a waiting attitude, +hammer in hand, a second youth, tall as the former, but far more +slightly built. Reversing the usual course of perception in such +meetings, I thought them, at first sight, very unlike; and at the second +glance, knew that they were brothers. The former, and apparently the +elder, was muscular and dark, with curling hair, and large hazel eyes, +which sometimes grew wondrously soft. The second was slender and fair, +yet with a countenance like an eagle, and an eye which, though pale +blue, shone with an almost fierce expression. He stood erect, as if +looking from a lofty mountain crag, over a vast plain outstretched +below. As soon as we entered the hall, the elder turned to me, and I saw +that a glow of satisfaction shone on both their faces. To my surprise +and great pleasure, he addressed me thus: + +"Brother, will you sit by the fire and rest, till we finish this part of +our work?" + +I signified my assent; and, resolved to await any disclosure they might +be inclined to make, seated myself in silence near the hearth. + +The elder brother then laid the sword in the fire, covered it well over, +and when it had attained a sufficient degree of heat, drew it out and +laid it on the anvil, moving it carefully about, while the younger, with +a succession of quick smart blows, appeared either to be welding it, +or hammering one part of it to a consenting shape with the rest. Having +finished, they laid it carefully in the fire; and, when it was very +hot indeed, plunged it into a vessel full of some liquid, whence a blue +flame sprang upwards, as the glowing steel entered. + +There they left it; and drawing two stools to the fire, sat down, one on +each side of me. + +"We are very glad to see you, brother. We have been expecting you for +some days," said the dark-haired youth. + +"I am proud to be called your brother," I rejoined; "and you will not +think I refuse the name, if I desire to know why you honour me with it?" + +"Ah! then he does not know about it," said the younger. "We thought you +had known of the bond betwixt us, and the work we have to do together. +You must tell him, brother, from the first." + +So the elder began: + +"Our father is king of this country. Before we were born, three giant +brothers had appeared in the land. No one knew exactly when, and no one +had the least idea whence they came. They took possession of a ruined +castle that had stood unchanged and unoccupied within the memory of any +of the country people. The vaults of this castle had remained uninjured +by time, and these, I presume, they made use of at first. They were +rarely seen, and never offered the least injury to any one; so that they +were regarded in the neighbourhood as at least perfectly harmless, if +not rather benevolent beings. But it began to be observed, that the old +castle had assumed somehow or other, no one knew when or how, a somewhat +different look from what it used to have. Not only were several breaches +in the lower part of the walls built up, but actually some of the +battlements which yet stood, had been repaired, apparently to prevent +them from falling into worse decay, while the more important parts were +being restored. Of course, every one supposed the giants must have a +hand in the work, but no one ever saw them engaged in it. The peasants +became yet more uneasy, after one, who had concealed himself, and +watched all night, in the neighbourhood of the castle, reported that he +had seen, in full moonlight, the three huge giants working with might +and main, all night long, restoring to their former position some +massive stones, formerly steps of a grand turnpike stair, a great +portion of which had long since fallen, along with part of the wall +of the round tower in which it had been built. This wall they were +completing, foot by foot, along with the stair. But the people said +they had no just pretext for interfering: although the real reason for +letting the giants alone was, that everybody was far too much afraid of +them to interrupt them. + +"At length, with the help of a neighbouring quarry, the whole of the +external wall of the castle was finished. And now the country folks were +in greater fear than before. But for several years the giants remained +very peaceful. The reason of this was afterwards supposed to be the +fact, that they were distantly related to several good people in the +country; for, as long as these lived, they remained quiet; but as soon +as they were all dead the real nature of the giants broke out. Having +completed the outside of their castle, they proceeded, by spoiling the +country houses around them, to make a quiet luxurious provision for +their comfort within. Affairs reached such a pass, that the news of +their robberies came to my father's ears; but he, alas! was so crippled +in his resources, by a war he was carrying on with a neighbouring +prince, that he could only spare a very few men, to attempt the capture +of their stronghold. Upon these the giants issued in the night, and slew +every man of them. And now, grown bolder by success and impunity, they +no longer confined their depredations to property, but began to seize +the persons of their distinguished neighbours, knights and ladies, and +hold them in durance, the misery of which was heightened by all +manner of indignity, until they were redeemed by their friends, at an +exorbitant ransom. Many knights have adventured their overthrow, but to +their own instead; for they have all been slain, or captured, or forced +to make a hasty retreat. To crown their enormities, if any man now +attempts their destruction, they, immediately upon his defeat, put one +or more of their captives to a shameful death, on a turret in sight of +all passers-by; so that they have been much less molested of late; +and we, although we have burned, for years, to attack these demons +and destroy them, dared not, for the sake of their captives, risk the +adventure, before we should have reached at least our earliest manhood. +Now, however, we are preparing for the attempt; and the grounds of +this preparation are these. Having only the resolution, and not the +experience necessary for the undertaking, we went and consulted a lonely +woman of wisdom, who lives not very far from here, in the direction of +the quarter from which you have come. She received us most kindly, and +gave us what seems to us the best of advice. She first inquired what +experience we had had in arms. We told her we had been well exercised +from our boyhood, and for some years had kept ourselves in constant +practice, with a view to this necessity. + +"'But you have not actually fought for life and death?' said she. + +"We were forced to confess we had not. + +"'So much the better in some respects,' she replied. 'Now listen to me. +Go first and work with an armourer, for as long time as you find needful +to obtain a knowledge of his craft; which will not be long, seeing your +hearts will be all in the work. Then go to some lonely tower, you two +alone. Receive no visits from man or woman. There forge for yourselves +every piece of armour that you wish to wear, or to use, in your coming +encounter. And keep up your exercises. As, however, two of you can be no +match for the three giants, I will find you, if I can, a third brother, +who will take on himself the third share of the fight, and the +preparation. Indeed, I have already seen one who will, I think, be the +very man for your fellowship, but it will be some time before he comes +to me. He is wandering now without an aim. I will show him to you in a +glass, and, when he comes, you will know him at once. If he will share +your endeavours, you must teach him all you know, and he will repay you +well, in present song, and in future deeds.' + +"She opened the door of a curious old cabinet that stood in the room. +On the inside of this door was an oval convex mirror. Looking in it for +some time, we at length saw reflected the place where we stood, and the +old dame seated in her chair. Our forms were not reflected. But at the +feet of the dame lay a young man, yourself, weeping. + +"'Surely this youth will not serve our ends,' said I, 'for he weeps.' + +"The old woman smiled. 'Past tears are present strength,' said she. + +"'Oh!' said my brother, 'I saw you weep once over an eagle you shot.' + +"'That was because it was so like you, brother,' I replied; 'but indeed, +this youth may have better cause for tears than that--I was wrong.' + +"'Wait a while,' said the woman; 'if I mistake not, he will make you +weep till your tears are dry for ever. Tears are the only cure for +weeping. And you may have need of the cure, before you go forth to fight +the giants. You must wait for him, in your tower, till he comes.' + +"Now if you will join us, we will soon teach you to make your armour; +and we will fight together, and work together, and love each other as +never three loved before. And you will sing to us, will you not?" + +"That I will, when I can," I answered; "but it is only at times that the +power of song comes upon me. For that I must wait; but I have a feeling +that if I work well, song will not be far off to enliven the labour." + +This was all the compact made: the brothers required nothing more, and +I did not think of giving anything more. I rose, and threw off my upper +garments. + +"I know the uses of the sword," I said. "I am ashamed of my white hands +beside yours so nobly soiled and hard; but that shame will soon be wiped +away." + +"No, no; we will not work to-day. Rest is as needful as toil. Bring the +wine, brother; it is your turn to serve to-day." + +The younger brother soon covered a table with rough viands, but good +wine; and we ate and drank heartily, beside our work. Before the meal +was over, I had learned all their story. Each had something in his heart +which made the conviction, that he would victoriously perish in the +coming conflict, a real sorrow to him. Otherwise they thought they would +have lived enough. The causes of their trouble were respectively these: + +While they wrought with an armourer, in a city famed for workmanship +in steel and silver, the elder had fallen in love with a lady as +far beneath him in real rank, as she was above the station he had +as apprentice to an armourer. Nor did he seek to further his suit by +discovering himself; but there was simply so much manhood about him, +that no one ever thought of rank when in his company. This is what his +brother said about it. The lady could not help loving him in return. He +told her when he left her, that he had a perilous adventure before him, +and that when it was achieved, she would either see him return to claim +her, or hear that he had died with honour. The younger brother's grief +arose from the fact, that, if they were both slain, his old father, the +king, would be childless. His love for his father was so exceeding, that +to one unable to sympathise with it, it would have appeared extravagant. +Both loved him equally at heart; but the love of the younger had +been more developed, because his thoughts and anxieties had not been +otherwise occupied. When at home, he had been his constant companion; +and, of late, had ministered to the infirmities of his growing age. The +youth was never weary of listening to the tales of his sire's youthful +adventures; and had not yet in the smallest degree lost the conviction, +that his father was the greatest man in the world. The grandest triumph +possible to his conception was, to return to his father, laden with the +spoils of one of the hated giants. But they both were in some dread, +lest the thought of the loneliness of these two might occur to them, +in the moment when decision was most necessary, and disturb, in some +degree, the self-possession requisite for the success of their attempt. +For, as I have said, they were yet untried in actual conflict. "Now," +thought I, "I see to what the powers of my gift must minister." For my +own part, I did not dread death, for I had nothing to care to live for; +but I dreaded the encounter because of the responsibility connected with +it. I resolved however to work hard, and thus grow cool, and quick, and +forceful. + +The time passed away in work and song, in talk and ramble, in friendly +fight and brotherly aid. I would not forge for myself armour of heavy +mail like theirs, for I was not so powerful as they, and depended more +for any success I might secure, upon nimbleness of motion, certainty of +eye, and ready response of hand. Therefore I began to make for myself a +shirt of steel plates and rings; which work, while more troublesome, +was better suited to me than the heavier labour. Much assistance did the +brothers give me, even after, by their instructions, I was able to make +some progress alone. Their work was in a moment abandoned, to render any +required aid to mine. As the old woman had promised, I tried to repay +them with song; and many were the tears they both shed over my ballads +and dirges. The songs they liked best to hear were two which I made for +them. They were not half so good as many others I knew, especially some +I had learned from the wise woman in the cottage; but what comes nearest +to our needs we like the best. + +I The king sat on his throne + Glowing in gold and red; + The crown in his right hand shone, + And the gray hairs crowned his head. + + His only son walks in, + And in walls of steel he stands: + Make me, O father, strong to win, + With the blessing of holy hands." + + He knelt before his sire, + Who blessed him with feeble smile + His eyes shone out with a kingly fire, + But his old lips quivered the while. + + "Go to the fight, my son, + Bring back the giant's head; + And the crown with which my brows have done, + Shall glitter on thine instead." + + "My father, I seek no crowns, + But unspoken praise from thee; + For thy people's good, and thy renown, + I will die to set them free." + + The king sat down and waited there, + And rose not, night nor day; + Till a sound of shouting filled the air, + And cries of a sore dismay. + + Then like a king he sat once more, + With the crown upon his head; + And up to the throne the people bore + A mighty giant dead. + + And up to the throne the people bore + A pale and lifeless boy. + The king rose up like a prophet of yore, + In a lofty, deathlike joy. + + He put the crown on the chilly brow: + "Thou should'st have reigned with me + But Death is the king of both, and now + I go to obey with thee. + + "Surely some good in me there lay, + To beget the noble one." + The old man smiled like a winter day, + And fell beside his son. + +II "O lady, thy lover is dead," they cried; + "He is dead, but hath slain the foe; + He hath left his name to be magnified + In a song of wonder and woe." + + "Alas! I am well repaid," said she, + "With a pain that stings like joy: + For I feared, from his tenderness to me, + That he was but a feeble boy. + + "Now I shall hold my head on high, + The queen among my kind; + If ye hear a sound, 'tis only a sigh + For a glory left behind." + +The first three times I sang these songs they both wept passionately. +But after the third time, they wept no more. Their eyes shone, and their +faces grew pale, but they never wept at any of my songs again. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + + "I put my life in my hands."--The Book of Judges. + +At length, with much toil and equal delight, our armour was finished. +We armed each other, and tested the strength of the defence, with many +blows of loving force. I was inferior in strength to both my brothers, +but a little more agile than either; and upon this agility, joined to +precision in hitting with the point of my weapon, I grounded my hopes of +success in the ensuing combat. I likewise laboured to develop yet more +the keenness of sight with which I was naturally gifted; and, from the +remarks of my companions, I soon learned that my endeavours were not in +vain. + +The morning arrived on which we had determined to make the attempt, +and succeed or perish--perhaps both. We had resolved to fight on foot; +knowing that the mishap of many of the knights who had made the attempt, +had resulted from the fright of their horses at the appearance of the +giants; and believing with Sir Gawain, that, though mare's sons might +be false to us, the earth would never prove a traitor. But most of our +preparations were, in their immediate aim at least, frustrated. + +We rose, that fatal morning, by daybreak. We had rested from all labour +the day before, and now were fresh as the lark. We bathed in cold +spring water, and dressed ourselves in clean garments, with a sense of +preparation, as for a solemn festivity. When we had broken our fast, +I took an old lyre, which I had found in the tower and had myself +repaired, and sung for the last time the two ballads of which I have +said so much already. I followed them with this, for a closing song: + + Oh, well for him who breaks his dream + With the blow that ends the strife + And, waking, knows the peace that flows + Around the pain of life! + + We are dead, my brothers! Our bodies clasp, + As an armour, our souls about; + This hand is the battle-axe I grasp, + And this my hammer stout. + + Fear not, my brothers, for we are dead; + No noise can break our rest; + The calm of the grave is about the head, + And the heart heaves not the breast. + + And our life we throw to our people back, + To live with, a further store; + We leave it them, that there be no lack + In the land where we live no more. + + Oh, well for him who breaks his dream + With the blow that ends the strife + And, waking, knows the peace that flows + Around the noise of life! + + As the last few tones of the instrument were following, like a +dirge, the death of the song, we all sprang to our feet. For, through +one of the little windows of the tower, towards which I had looked as +I sang, I saw, suddenly rising over the edge of the slope on which our +tower stood, three enormous heads. The brothers knew at once, by my +looks, what caused my sudden movement. We were utterly unarmed, and +there was no time to arm. + +But we seemed to adopt the same resolution simultaneously; for each +caught up his favourite weapon, and, leaving his defence behind, sprang +to the door. I snatched up a long rapier, abruptly, but very finely +pointed, in my sword-hand, and in the other a sabre; the elder brother +seized his heavy battle-axe; and the younger, a great, two-handed sword, +which he wielded in one hand like a feather. We had just time to get +clear of the tower, embrace and say good-bye, and part to some little +distance, that we might not encumber each other's motions, ere the +triple giant-brotherhood drew near to attack us. They were about twice +our height, and armed to the teeth. Through the visors of their helmets +their monstrous eyes shone with a horrible ferocity. I was in the middle +position, and the middle giant approached me. My eyes were busy with his +armour, and I was not a moment in settling my mode of attack. I saw that +his body-armour was somewhat clumsily made, and that the overlappings +in the lower part had more play than necessary; and I hoped that, in +a fortunate moment, some joint would open a little, in a visible and +accessible part. I stood till he came near enough to aim a blow at me +with the mace, which has been, in all ages, the favourite weapon of +giants, when, of course, I leaped aside, and let the blow fall upon the +spot where I had been standing. I expected this would strain the joints +of his armour yet more. Full of fury, he made at me again; but I kept +him busy, constantly eluding his blows, and hoping thus to fatigue him. +He did not seem to fear any assault from me, and I attempted none as +yet; but while I watched his motions in order to avoid his blows, I, at +the same time, kept equal watch upon those joints of his armour, through +some one of which I hoped to reach his life. At length, as if somewhat +fatigued, he paused a moment, and drew himself slightly up; I bounded +forward, foot and hand, ran my rapier right through to the armour of +his back, let go the hilt, and passing under his right arm, turned as +he fell, and flew at him with my sabre. At one happy blow I divided the +band of his helmet, which fell off, and allowed me, with a second cut +across the eyes, to blind him quite; after which I clove his head, and +turned, uninjured, to see how my brothers had fared. Both the giants +were down, but so were my brothers. I flew first to the one and then +to the other couple. Both pairs of combatants were dead, and yet locked +together, as in the death-struggle. The elder had buried his battle-axe +in the body of his foe, and had fallen beneath him as he fell. The giant +had strangled him in his own death-agonies. The younger had nearly hewn +off the left leg of his enemy; and, grappled with in the act, had, +while they rolled together on the earth, found for his dagger a passage +betwixt the gorget and cuirass of the giant, and stabbed him mortally in +the throat. The blood from the giant's throat was yet pouring over the +hand of his foe, which still grasped the hilt of the dagger sheathed +in the wound. They lay silent. I, the least worthy, remained the sole +survivor in the lists. + +As I stood exhausted amidst the dead, after the first worthy deed of my +life, I suddenly looked behind me, and there lay the Shadow, black in +the sunshine. I went into the lonely tower, and there lay the useless +armour of the noble youths--supine as they. + +Ah, how sad it looked! It was a glorious death, but it was death. My +songs could not comfort me now. I was almost ashamed that I was alive, +when they, the true-hearted, were no more. And yet I breathed freer to +think that I had gone through the trial, and had not failed. And perhaps +I may be forgiven, if some feelings of pride arose in my bosom, when I +looked down on the mighty form that lay dead by my hand. + +"After all, however," I said to myself, and my heart sank, "it was only +skill. Your giant was but a blunderer." + +I left the bodies of friends and foes, peaceful enough when the +death-fight was over, and, hastening to the country below, roused the +peasants. They came with shouting and gladness, bringing waggons to +carry the bodies. I resolved to take the princes home to their father, +each as he lay, in the arms of his country's foe. But first I searched +the giants, and found the keys of their castle, to which I repaired, +followed by a great company of the people. It was a place of wonderful +strength. I released the prisoners, knights and ladies, all in a sad +condition, from the cruelties and neglects of the giants. It humbled me +to see them crowding round me with thanks, when in truth the glorious +brothers, lying dead by their lonely tower, were those to whom the +thanks belonged. I had but aided in carrying out the thought born +in their brain, and uttered in visible form before ever I laid hold +thereupon. Yet I did count myself happy to have been chosen for their +brother in this great deed. + +After a few hours spent in refreshing and clothing the prisoners, we all +commenced our journey towards the capital. This was slow at first; but, +as the strength and spirits of the prisoners returned, it became more +rapid; and in three days we reached the palace of the king. As we +entered the city gates, with the huge bulks lying each on a waggon drawn +by horses, and two of them inextricably intertwined with the dead bodies +of their princes, the people raised a shout and then a cry, and followed +in multitudes the solemn procession. + +I will not attempt to describe the behaviour of the grand old king. Joy +and pride in his sons overcame his sorrow at their loss. On me he heaped +every kindness that heart could devise or hand execute. He used to sit +and question me, night after night, about everything that was in any +way connected with them and their preparations. Our mode of life, +and relation to each other, during the time we spent together, was a +constant theme. He entered into the minutest details of the construction +of the armour, even to a peculiar mode of riveting some of the plates, +with unwearying interest. This armour I had intended to beg of the king, +as my sole memorials of the contest; but, when I saw the delight he took +in contemplating it, and the consolation it appeared to afford him in +his sorrow, I could not ask for it; but, at his request, left my own, +weapons and all, to be joined with theirs in a trophy, erected in the +grand square of the palace. The king, with gorgeous ceremony, dubbed me +knight with his own old hand, in which trembled the sword of his youth. + +During the short time I remained, my company was, naturally, much +courted by the young nobles. I was in a constant round of gaiety and +diversion, notwithstanding that the court was in mourning. For the +country was so rejoiced at the death of the giants, and so many of their +lost friends had been restored to the nobility and men of wealth, that +the gladness surpassed the grief. "Ye have indeed left your lives to +your people, my great brothers!" I said. + +But I was ever and ever haunted by the old shadow, which I had not seen +all the time that I was at work in the tower. Even in the society of the +ladies of the court, who seemed to think it only their duty to make +my stay there as pleasant to me as possible, I could not help being +conscious of its presence, although it might not be annoying me at the +time. At length, somewhat weary of uninterrupted pleasure, and nowise +strengthened thereby, either in body or mind, I put on a splendid suit +of armour of steel inlaid with silver, which the old king had given +me, and, mounting the horse on which it had been brought to me, took my +leave of the palace, to visit the distant city in which the lady dwelt, +whom the elder prince had loved. I anticipated a sore task, in conveying +to her the news of his glorious fate: but this trial was spared me, in a +manner as strange as anything that had happened to me in Fairy Land. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + + "No one has my form but the I." + Schoppe, in JEAN PAUL'S Titan. + + "Joy's a subtil elf. + I think man's happiest when he forgets himself." + CYRIL TOURNEUR, The Revenger's Tragedy. + + +On the third day of my journey, I was riding gently along a road, +apparently little frequented, to judge from the grass that grew upon +it. I was approaching a forest. Everywhere in Fairy Land forests are the +places where one may most certainly expect adventures. As I drew near, a +youth, unarmed, gentle, and beautiful, who had just cut a branch from a +yew growing on the skirts of the wood, evidently to make himself a bow, +met me, and thus accosted me: + +"Sir knight, be careful as thou ridest through this forest; for it is +said to be strangely enchanted, in a sort which even those who have been +witnesses of its enchantment can hardly describe." + +I thanked him for his advice, which I promised to follow, and rode on. +But the moment I entered the wood, it seemed to me that, if enchantment +there was, it must be of a good kind; for the Shadow, which had been +more than usually dark and distressing, since I had set out on this +journey, suddenly disappeared. I felt a wonderful elevation of spirits, +and began to reflect on my past life, and especially on my combat +with the giants, with such satisfaction, that I had actually to remind +myself, that I had only killed one of them; and that, but for the +brothers, I should never have had the idea of attacking them, not to +mention the smallest power of standing to it. Still I rejoiced, and +counted myself amongst the glorious knights of old; having even the +unspeakable presumption--my shame and self-condemnation at the memory +of it are such, that I write it as the only and sorest penance I can +perform--to think of myself (will the world believe it?) as side by side +with Sir Galahad! Scarcely had the thought been born in my mind, when, +approaching me from the left, through the trees, I espied a resplendent +knight, of mighty size, whose armour seemed to shine of itself, without +the sun. When he drew near, I was astonished to see that this armour was +like my own; nay, I could trace, line for line, the correspondence of +the inlaid silver to the device on my own. His horse, too, was like mine +in colour, form, and motion; save that, like his rider, he was greater +and fiercer than his counterpart. The knight rode with beaver up. As he +halted right opposite to me in the narrow path, barring my way, I saw +the reflection of my countenance in the centre plate of shining steel on +his breastplate. Above it rose the same face--his face--only, as I have +said, larger and fiercer. I was bewildered. I could not help feeling +some admiration of him, but it was mingled with a dim conviction that he +was evil, and that I ought to fight with him. + +"Let me pass," I said. + +"When I will," he replied. + +Something within me said: "Spear in rest, and ride at him! else thou art +for ever a slave." + +I tried, but my arm trembled so much, that I could not couch my lance. +To tell the truth, I, who had overcome the giant, shook like a coward +before this knight. He gave a scornful laugh, that echoed through the +wood, turned his horse, and said, without looking round, "Follow me." + +I obeyed, abashed and stupefied. How long he led, and how long I +followed, I cannot tell. "I never knew misery before," I said to myself. +"Would that I had at least struck him, and had had my death-blow in +return! Why, then, do I not call to him to wheel and defend himself? +Alas! I know not why, but I cannot. One look from him would cow me like +a beaten hound." I followed, and was silent. + +At length we came to a dreary square tower, in the middle of a dense +forest. It looked as if scarce a tree had been cut down to make room for +it. Across the very door, diagonally, grew the stem of a tree, so large +that there was just room to squeeze past it in order to enter. One +miserable square hole in the roof was the only visible suggestion of a +window. Turret or battlement, or projecting masonry of any kind, it had +none. Clear and smooth and massy, it rose from its base, and ended with +a line straight and unbroken. The roof, carried to a centre from each of +the four walls, rose slightly to the point where the rafters met. Round +the base lay several little heaps of either bits of broken branches, +withered and peeled, or half-whitened bones; I could not distinguish +which. As I approached, the ground sounded hollow beneath my horse's +hoofs. The knight took a great key from his pocket, and reaching past +the stem of the tree, with some difficulty opened the door. "Dismount," +he commanded. I obeyed. He turned my horse's head away from the tower, +gave him a terrible blow with the flat side of his sword, and sent him +madly tearing through the forest. + +"Now," said he, "enter, and take your companion with you." + +I looked round: knight and horse had vanished, and behind me lay the +horrible shadow. I entered, for I could not help myself; and the shadow +followed me. I had a terrible conviction that the knight and he were +one. The door closed behind me. + +Now I was indeed in pitiful plight. There was literally nothing in the +tower but my shadow and me. The walls rose right up to the roof; in +which, as I had seen from without, there was one little square opening. +This I now knew to be the only window the tower possessed. I sat down on +the floor, in listless wretchedness. I think I must have fallen asleep, +and have slept for hours; for I suddenly became aware of existence, in +observing that the moon was shining through the hole in the roof. As she +rose higher and higher, her light crept down the wall over me, till at +last it shone right upon my head. Instantaneously the walls of the tower +seemed to vanish away like a mist. I sat beneath a beech, on the edge +of a forest, and the open country lay, in the moonlight, for miles and +miles around me, spotted with glimmering houses and spires and towers. I +thought with myself, "Oh, joy! it was only a dream; the horrible narrow +waste is gone, and I wake beneath a beech-tree, perhaps one that loves +me, and I can go where I will." I rose, as I thought, and walked about, +and did what I would, but ever kept near the tree; for always, and, of +course, since my meeting with the woman of the beech-tree far more than +ever, I loved that tree. So the night wore on. I waited for the sun to +rise, before I could venture to renew my journey. But as soon as the +first faint light of the dawn appeared, instead of shining upon me +from the eye of the morning, it stole like a fainting ghost through the +little square hole above my head; and the walls came out as the light +grew, and the glorious night was swallowed up of the hateful day. The +long dreary day passed. My shadow lay black on the floor. I felt no +hunger, no need of food. The night came. The moon shone. I watched her +light slowly descending the wall, as I might have watched, adown the +sky, the long, swift approach of a helping angel. Her rays touched me, +and I was free. Thus night after night passed away. I should have died +but for this. Every night the conviction returned, that I was free. +Every morning I sat wretchedly disconsolate. At length, when the course +of the moon no longer permitted her beams to touch me, the night was +dreary as the day. + +When I slept, I was somewhat consoled by my dreams; but all the time I +dreamed, I knew that I was only dreaming. But one night, at length, the +moon, a mere shred of pallor, scattered a few thin ghostly rays upon me; +and I think I fell asleep and dreamed. I sat in an autumn night before +the vintage, on a hill overlooking my own castle. My heart sprang with +joy. Oh, to be a child again, innocent, fearless, without shame or +desire! I walked down to the castle. All were in consternation at my +absence. My sisters were weeping for my loss. They sprang up and clung +to me, with incoherent cries, as I entered. My old friends came flocking +round me. A gray light shone on the roof of the hall. It was the +light of the dawn shining through the square window of my tower. +More earnestly than ever, I longed for freedom after this dream; more +drearily than ever, crept on the next wretched day. I measured by the +sunbeams, caught through the little window in the trap of my tower, how +it went by, waiting only for the dreams of the night. + +About noon, I started as if something foreign to all my senses and all +my experience, had suddenly invaded me; yet it was only the voice of +a woman singing. My whole frame quivered with joy, surprise, and the +sensation of the unforeseen. Like a living soul, like an incarnation of +Nature, the song entered my prison-house. Each tone folded its wings, +and laid itself, like a caressing bird, upon my heart. It bathed me like +a sea; inwrapt me like an odorous vapour; entered my soul like a long +draught of clear spring-water; shone upon me like essential sunlight; +soothed me like a mother's voice and hand. Yet, as the clearest +forest-well tastes sometimes of the bitterness of decayed leaves, so to +my weary, prisoned heart, its cheerfulness had a sting of cold, and its +tenderness unmanned me with the faintness of long-departed joys. I wept +half-bitterly, half-luxuriously; but not long. I dashed away the tears, +ashamed of a weakness which I thought I had abandoned. Ere I knew, I had +walked to the door, and seated myself with my ears against it, in order +to catch every syllable of the revelation from the unseen outer world. +And now I heard each word distinctly. The singer seemed to be standing +or sitting near the tower, for the sounds indicated no change of place. +The song was something like this: + + The sun, like a golden knot on high, + Gathers the glories of the sky, + And binds them into a shining tent, + Roofing the world with the firmament. + And through the pavilion the rich winds blow, + And through the pavilion the waters go. + And the birds for joy, and the trees for prayer, + Bowing their heads in the sunny air, + And for thoughts, the gently talking springs, + That come from the centre with secret things-- + All make a music, gentle and strong, + Bound by the heart into one sweet song. + And amidst them all, the mother Earth + Sits with the children of her birth; + She tendeth them all, as a mother hen + Her little ones round her, twelve or ten: + Oft she sitteth, with hands on knee, + Idle with love for her family. + Go forth to her from the dark and the dust, + And weep beside her, if weep thou must; + If she may not hold thee to her breast, + Like a weary infant, that cries for rest + At least she will press thee to her knee, + And tell a low, sweet tale to thee, + Till the hue to thy cheeky and the light to thine eye, + Strength to thy limbs, and courage high + To thy fainting heart, return amain, + And away to work thou goest again. + From the narrow desert, O man of pride, + Come into the house, so high and wide. + + +Hardly knowing what I did, I opened the door. Why had I not done so +before? I do not know. + +At first I could see no one; but when I had forced myself past the tree +which grew across the entrance, I saw, seated on the ground, and leaning +against the tree, with her back to my prison, a beautiful woman. Her +countenance seemed known to me, and yet unknown. She looked at me and +smiled, when I made my appearance. + +"Ah! were you the prisoner there? I am very glad I have wiled you out." + +"Do you know me then?" "Do you not know me? But you hurt me, and that, +I suppose, makes it easy for a man to forget. You broke my globe. Yet +I thank you. Perhaps I owe you many thanks for breaking it. I took the +pieces, all black, and wet with crying over them, to the Fairy Queen. +There was no music and no light in them now. But she took them from me, +and laid them aside; and made me go to sleep in a great hall of white, +with black pillars, and many red curtains. When I woke in the morning, +I went to her, hoping to have my globe again, whole and sound; but she +sent me away without it, and I have not seen it since. Nor do I care for +it now. I have something so much better. I do not need the globe to play +to me; for I can sing. I could not sing at all before. Now I go about +everywhere through Fairy Land, singing till my heart is like to break, +just like my globe, for very joy at my own songs. And wherever I go, my +songs do good, and deliver people. And now I have delivered you, and I +am so happy." + +She ceased, and the tears came into her eyes. + +All this time, I had been gazing at her; and now fully recognised the +face of the child, glorified in the countenance of the woman. + +I was ashamed and humbled before her; but a great weight was lifted +from my thoughts. I knelt before her, and thanked her, and begged her to +forgive me. + +"Rise, rise," she said; "I have nothing to forgive; I thank you. But now +I must be gone, for I do not know how many may be waiting for me, here +and there, through the dark forests; and they cannot come out till I +come." + +She rose, and with a smile and a farewell, turned and left me. I dared +not ask her to stay; in fact, I could hardly speak to her. Between +her and me, there was a great gulf. She was uplifted, by sorrow and +well-doing, into a region I could hardly hope ever to enter. I watched +her departure, as one watches a sunset. She went like a radiance through +the dark wood, which was henceforth bright to me, from simply knowing +that such a creature was in it. + +She was bearing the sun to the unsunned spots. The light and the music +of her broken globe were now in her heart and her brain. As she went, +she sang; and I caught these few words of her song; and the tones seemed +to linger and wind about the trees after she had disappeared: + + Thou goest thine, and I go mine-- + Many ways we wend; + Many days, and many ways, + Ending in one end. + + Many a wrong, and its curing song; + Many a road, and many an inn; + Room to roam, but only one home + For all the world to win. + And so she vanished. With a sad heart, soothed by humility, and +the knowledge of her peace and gladness, I bethought me what now I +should do. First, I must leave the tower far behind me, lest, in some +evil moment, I might be once more caged within its horrible walls. But +it was ill walking in my heavy armour; and besides I had now no right +to the golden spurs and the resplendent mail, fitly dulled with long +neglect. I might do for a squire; but I honoured knighthood too highly, +to call myself any longer one of the noble brotherhood. I stripped off +all my armour, piled it under the tree, just where the lady had been +seated, and took my unknown way, eastward through the woods. Of all my +weapons, I carried only a short axe in my hand. + +Then first I knew the delight of being lowly; of saying to myself, "I +am what I am, nothing more." "I have failed," I said, "I have lost +myself--would it had been my shadow." I looked round: the shadow was +nowhere to be seen. Ere long, I learned that it was not myself, but +only my shadow, that I had lost. I learned that it is better, a +thousand-fold, for a proud man to fall and be humbled, than to hold up +his head in his pride and fancied innocence. I learned that he that will +be a hero, will barely be a man; that he that will be nothing but a doer +of his work, is sure of his manhood. In nothing was my ideal lowered, or +dimmed, or grown less precious; I only saw it too plainly, to set myself +for a moment beside it. Indeed, my ideal soon became my life; whereas, +formerly, my life had consisted in a vain attempt to behold, if not my +ideal in myself, at least myself in my ideal. Now, however, I took, at +first, what perhaps was a mistaken pleasure, in despising and degrading +myself. Another self seemed to arise, like a white spirit from a dead +man, from the dumb and trampled self of the past. Doubtless, this self +must again die and be buried, and again, from its tomb, spring a winged +child; but of this my history as yet bears not the record. + +Self will come to life even in the slaying of self; but there is ever +something deeper and stronger than it, which will emerge at last from +the unknown abysses of the soul: will it be as a solemn gloom, burning +with eyes? or a clear morning after the rain? or a smiling child, that +finds itself nowhere, and everywhere? + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + + "High erected thought, seated in a heart of courtesy." + SIR PHILIP SIDNEY. + + "A sweet attractive kinde of grace, + A full assurance given by lookes, + Continuall comfort in a face, + The lineaments of Gospel bookes." + MATTHEW ROYDON, on Sir Philip Sidney. + + +I had not gone far, for I had but just lost sight of the hated tower, +when a voice of another sort, sounding near or far, as the trees +permitted or intercepted its passage, reached me. It was a full, deep, +manly voice, but withal clear and melodious. Now it burst on the ear +with a sudden swell, and anon, dying away as suddenly, seemed to come to +me across a great space. Nevertheless, it drew nearer; till, at last, I +could distinguish the words of the song, and get transient glimpses of +the singer, between the columns of the trees. He came nearer, dawning +upon me like a growing thought. He was a knight, armed from head to +heel, mounted upon a strange-looking beast, whose form I could not +understand. The words which I heard him sing were like these: + + Heart be stout, + And eye be true; + Good blade out! + And ill shall rue. + + Courage, horse! + Thou lackst no skill; + Well thy force + Hath matched my will. + + For the foe + With fiery breath, + At a blow, + Is still in death. + + Gently, horse! + Tread fearlessly; + 'Tis his corse + That burdens thee. + + The sun's eye + Is fierce at noon; + Thou and I + Will rest full soon. + + And new strength + New work will meet; + Till, at length, + Long rest is sweet. + +And now horse and rider had arrived near enough for me to see, fastened +by the long neck to the hinder part of the saddle, and trailing its +hideous length on the ground behind, the body of a great dragon. It was +no wonder that, with such a drag at his heels, the horse could make +but slow progress, notwithstanding his evident dismay. The horrid, +serpent-like head, with its black tongue, forked with red, hanging out +of its jaws, dangled against the horse's side. Its neck was covered with +long blue hair, its sides with scales of green and gold. Its back was of +corrugated skin, of a purple hue. Its belly was similar in nature, but +its colour was leaden, dashed with blotches of livid blue. Its skinny, +bat-like wings and its tail were of a dull gray. It was strange to see +how so many gorgeous colours, so many curving lines, and such beautiful +things as wings and hair and scales, combined to form the horrible +creature, intense in ugliness. + +The knight was passing me with a salutation; but, as I walked towards +him, he reined up, and I stood by his stirrup. When I came near him, I +saw to my surprise and pleasure likewise, although a sudden pain, like +a birth of fire, sprang up in my heart, that it was the knight of the +soiled armour, whom I knew before, and whom I had seen in the vision, +with the lady of the marble. But I could have thrown my arms around him, +because she loved him. This discovery only strengthened the resolution +I had formed, before I recognised him, of offering myself to the knight, +to wait upon him as a squire, for he seemed to be unattended. I made +my request in as few words as possible. He hesitated for a moment, and +looked at me thoughtfully. I saw that he suspected who I was, but that +he continued uncertain of his suspicion. No doubt he was soon convinced +of its truth; but all the time I was with him, not a word crossed his +lips with reference to what he evidently concluded I wished to leave +unnoticed, if not to keep concealed. + +"Squire and knight should be friends," said he: "can you take me by the +hand?" And he held out the great gauntleted right hand. I grasped it +willingly and strongly. Not a word more was said. The knight gave the +sign to his horse, which again began his slow march, and I walked beside +and a little behind. + +We had not gone very far before we arrived at a little cottage; from +which, as we drew near, a woman rushed out with the cry: + +"My child! my child! have you found my child?" + +"I have found her," replied the knight, "but she is sorely hurt. I was +forced to leave her with the hermit, as I returned. You will find her +there, and I think she will get better. You see I have brought you +a present. This wretch will not hurt you again." And he undid the +creature's neck, and flung the frightful burden down by the cottage +door. + +The woman was now almost out of sight in the wood; but the husband stood +at the door, with speechless thanks in his face. + +"You must bury the monster," said the knight. "If I had arrived a moment +later, I should have been too late. But now you need not fear, for such +a creature as this very rarely appears, in the same part, twice during a +lifetime." + +"Will you not dismount and rest you, Sir Knight?" said the peasant, who +had, by this time, recovered himself a little. + +"That I will, thankfully," said he; and, dismounting, he gave the reins +to me, and told me to unbridle the horse, and lead him into the shade. +"You need not tie him up," he added; "he will not run away." + +When I returned, after obeying his orders, and entered the cottage, I +saw the knight seated, without his helmet, and talking most familiarly +with the simple host. I stood at the open door for a moment, and, gazing +at him, inwardly justified the white lady in preferring him to me. A +nobler countenance I never saw. Loving-kindness beamed from every line +of his face. It seemed as if he would repay himself for the late arduous +combat, by indulging in all the gentleness of a womanly heart. But when +the talk ceased for a moment, he seemed to fall into a reverie. Then the +exquisite curves of the upper lip vanished. The lip was lengthened and +compressed at the same moment. You could have told that, within the +lips, the teeth were firmly closed. The whole face grew stern and +determined, all but fierce; only the eyes burned on like a holy +sacrifice, uplift on a granite rock. + +The woman entered, with her mangled child in her arms. She was pale +as her little burden. She gazed, with a wild love and despairing +tenderness, on the still, all but dead face, white and clear from loss +of blood and terror. + +The knight rose. The light that had been confined to his eyes, now shone +from his whole countenance. He took the little thing in his arms, and, +with the mother's help, undressed her, and looked to her wounds. The +tears flowed down his face as he did so. With tender hands he bound them +up, kissed the pale cheek, and gave her back to her mother. When he went +home, all his tale would be of the grief and joy of the parents; while +to me, who had looked on, the gracious countenance of the armed man, +beaming from the panoply of steel, over the seemingly dead child, while +the powerful hands turned it and shifted it, and bound it, if possible +even more gently than the mother's, formed the centre of the story. + +After we had partaken of the best they could give us, the knight took +his leave, with a few parting instructions to the mother as to how she +should treat the child. + +I brought the knight his steed, held the stirrup while he mounted, and +then followed him through the wood. The horse, delighted to be free +of his hideous load, bounded beneath the weight of man and armour, and +could hardly be restrained from galloping on. But the knight made him +time his powers to mine, and so we went on for an hour or two. Then +the knight dismounted, and compelled me to get into the saddle, saying: +"Knight and squire must share the labour." + +Holding by the stirrup, he walked along by my side, heavily clad as he +was, with apparent ease. As we went, he led a conversation, in which I +took what humble part my sense of my condition would permit me. + +"Somehow or other," said he, "notwithstanding the beauty of this country +of Faerie, in which we are, there is much that is wrong in it. If there +are great splendours, there are corresponding horrors; heights and +depths; beautiful women and awful fiends; noble men and weaklings. All +a man has to do, is to better what he can. And if he will settle it +with himself, that even renown and success are in themselves of no great +value, and be content to be defeated, if so be that the fault is not +his; and so go to his work with a cool brain and a strong will, he +will get it done; and fare none the worse in the end, that he was not +burdened with provision and precaution." + +"But he will not always come off well," I ventured to say. + +"Perhaps not," rejoined the knight, "in the individual act; but the +result of his lifetime will content him." + +"So it will fare with you, doubtless," thought I; "but for me---" + +Venturing to resume the conversation after a pause, I said, +hesitatingly: + +"May I ask for what the little beggar-girl wanted your aid, when she +came to your castle to find you?" + +He looked at me for a moment in silence, and then said-- + +"I cannot help wondering how you know of that; but there is something +about you quite strange enough to entitle you to the privilege of the +country; namely, to go unquestioned. I, however, being only a man, such +as you see me, am ready to tell you anything you like to ask me, as far +as I can. The little beggar-girl came into the hall where I was sitting, +and told me a very curious story, which I can only recollect very +vaguely, it was so peculiar. What I can recall is, that she was sent to +gather wings. As soon as she had gathered a pair of wings for herself, +she was to fly away, she said, to the country she came from; but where +that was, she could give no information. + +"She said she had to beg her wings from the butterflies and moths; and +wherever she begged, no one refused her. But she needed a great many of +the wings of butterflies and moths to make a pair for her; and so she +had to wander about day after day, looking for butterflies, and night +after night, looking for moths; and then she begged for their wings. But +the day before, she had come into a part of the forest, she said, where +there were multitudes of splendid butterflies flitting about, with wings +which were just fit to make the eyes in the shoulders of hers; and she +knew she could have as many of them as she liked for the asking; but as +soon as she began to beg, there came a great creature right up to her, +and threw her down, and walked over her. When she got up, she saw +the wood was full of these beings stalking about, and seeming to have +nothing to do with each other. As soon as ever she began to beg, one of +them walked over her; till at last in dismay, and in growing horror of +the senseless creatures, she had run away to look for somebody to help +her. I asked her what they were like. She said, like great men, made of +wood, without knee-or elbow-joints, and without any noses or mouths or +eyes in their faces. I laughed at the little maiden, thinking she was +making child's game of me; but, although she burst out laughing too, she +persisted in asserting the truth of her story." + +"'Only come, knight, come and see; I will lead you.' + +"So I armed myself, to be ready for anything that might happen, and +followed the child; for, though I could make nothing of her story, I +could see she was a little human being in need of some help or other. As +she walked before me, I looked attentively at her. Whether or not it was +from being so often knocked down and walked over, I could not tell, but +her clothes were very much torn, and in several places her white skin +was peeping through. I thought she was hump-backed; but on looking more +closely, I saw, through the tatters of her frock--do not laugh at me--a +bunch on each shoulder, of the most gorgeous colours. Looking yet more +closely, I saw that they were of the shape of folded wings, and were +made of all kinds of butterfly-wings and moth-wings, crowded together +like the feathers on the individual butterfly pinion; but, like them, +most beautifully arranged, and producing a perfect harmony of colour and +shade. I could now more easily believe the rest of her story; especially +as I saw, every now and then, a certain heaving motion in the wings, +as if they longed to be uplifted and outspread. But beneath her scanty +garments complete wings could not be concealed, and indeed, from her own +story, they were yet unfinished. + +"After walking for two or three hours (how the little girl found her +way, I could not imagine), we came to a part of the forest, the very +air of which was quivering with the motions of multitudes of resplendent +butterflies; as gorgeous in colour, as if the eyes of peacocks' feathers +had taken to flight, but of infinite variety of hue and form, only that +the appearance of some kind of eye on each wing predominated. 'There +they are, there they are!' cried the child, in a tone of victory mingled +with terror. Except for this tone, I should have thought she referred +to the butterflies, for I could see nothing else. But at that moment +an enormous butterfly, whose wings had great eyes of blue surrounded by +confused cloudy heaps of more dingy colouring, just like a break in +the clouds on a stormy day towards evening, settled near us. The child +instantly began murmuring: 'Butterfly, butterfly, give me your wings'; +when, the moment after, she fell to the ground, and began crying as if +hurt. I drew my sword and heaved a great blow in the direction in +which the child had fallen. It struck something, and instantly the most +grotesque imitation of a man became visible. You see this Fairy Land is +full of oddities and all sorts of incredibly ridiculous things, which a +man is compelled to meet and treat as real existences, although all the +time he feels foolish for doing so. This being, if being it could be +called, was like a block of wood roughly hewn into the mere outlines +of a man; and hardly so, for it had but head, body, legs, and arms--the +head without a face, and the limbs utterly formless. I had hewn off one +of its legs, but the two portions moved on as best they could, quite +independent of each other; so that I had done no good. I ran after +it, and clove it in twain from the head downwards; but it could not be +convinced that its vocation was not to walk over people; for, as soon as +the little girl began her begging again, all three parts came bustling +up; and if I had not interposed my weight between her and them, she +would have been trampled again under them. I saw that something else +must be done. If the wood was full of the creatures, it would be an +endless work to chop them so small that they could do no injury; and +then, besides, the parts would be so numerous, that the butterflies +would be in danger from the drift of flying chips. I served this one +so, however; and then told the girl to beg again, and point out the +direction in which one was coming. I was glad to find, however, that +I could now see him myself, and wondered how they could have been +invisible before. I would not allow him to walk over the child; but +while I kept him off, and she began begging again, another appeared; and +it was all I could do, from the weight of my armour, to protect her from +the stupid, persevering efforts of the two. But suddenly the right plan +occurred to me. I tripped one of them up, and, taking him by the legs, +set him up on his head, with his heels against a tree. I was delighted +to find he could not move. Meantime the poor child was walked over by +the other, but it was for the last time. Whenever one appeared, I +followed the same plan--tripped him up and set him on his head; and so +the little beggar was able to gather her wings without any trouble, +which occupation she continued for several hours in my company." + +"What became of her?" I asked. + +"I took her home with me to my castle, and she told me all her story; +but it seemed to me, all the time, as if I were hearing a child talk in +its sleep. I could not arrange her story in my mind at all, although it +seemed to leave hers in some certain order of its own. My wife---" + +Here the knight checked himself, and said no more. Neither did I urge +the conversation farther. + +Thus we journeyed for several days, resting at night in such shelter +as we could get; and when no better was to be had, lying in the forest +under some tree, on a couch of old leaves. + +I loved the knight more and more. I believe never squire served his +master with more care and joyfulness than I. I tended his horse; I +cleaned his armour; my skill in the craft enabled me to repair it when +necessary; I watched his needs; and was well repaid for all by the love +itself which I bore him. + +"This," I said to myself, "is a true man. I will serve him, and give him +all worship, seeing in him the imbodiment of what I would fain become. +If I cannot be noble myself, I will yet be servant to his nobleness." +He, in return, soon showed me such signs of friendship and respect, as +made my heart glad; and I felt that, after all, mine would be no lost +life, if I might wait on him to the world's end, although no smile but +his should greet me, and no one but him should say, "Well done! he was +a good servant!" at last. But I burned to do something more for him than +the ordinary routine of a squire's duty permitted. + +One afternoon, we began to observe an appearance of roads in the wood. +Branches had been cut down, and openings made, where footsteps had worn +no path below. These indications increased as we passed on, till, at +length, we came into a long, narrow avenue, formed by felling the trees +in its line, as the remaining roots evidenced. At some little distance, +on both hands, we observed signs of similar avenues, which appeared to +converge with ours, towards one spot. Along these we indistinctly saw +several forms moving, which seemed, with ourselves, to approach the +common centre. Our path brought us, at last, up to a wall of yew-trees, +growing close together, and intertwining their branches so, that nothing +could be seen beyond it. An opening was cut in it like a door, and all +the wall was trimmed smooth and perpendicular. The knight dismounted, +and waited till I had provided for his horse's comfort; upon which we +entered the place together. + +It was a great space, bare of trees, and enclosed by four walls of yew, +similar to that through which we had entered. These trees grew to a very +great height, and did not divide from each other till close to the top, +where their summits formed a row of conical battlements all around the +walls. The space contained was a parallelogram of great length. Along +each of the two longer sides of the interior, were ranged three ranks +of men, in white robes, standing silent and solemn, each with a sword by +his side, although the rest of his costume and bearing was more priestly +than soldierly. For some distance inwards, the space between these +opposite rows was filled with a company of men and women and children, +in holiday attire. The looks of all were directed inwards, towards the +further end. Far beyond the crowd, in a long avenue, seeming to narrow +in the distance, went the long rows of the white-robed men. On what the +attention of the multitude was fixed, we could not tell, for the sun had +set before we arrived, and it was growing dark within. It grew darker +and darker. The multitude waited in silence. The stars began to shine +down into the enclosure, and they grew brighter and larger every moment. +A wind arose, and swayed the pinnacles of the tree-tops; and made a +strange sound, half like music, half like moaning, through the close +branches and leaves of the tree-walls. A young girl who stood beside me, +clothed in the same dress as the priests, bowed her head, and grew pale +with awe. + +The knight whispered to me, "How solemn it is! Surely they wait to hear +the voice of a prophet. There is something good near!" + +But I, though somewhat shaken by the feeling expressed by my master, +yet had an unaccountable conviction that here was something bad. So I +resolved to be keenly on the watch for what should follow. + +Suddenly a great star, like a sun, appeared high in the air over the +temple, illuminating it throughout; and a great song arose from the men +in white, which went rolling round and round the building, now receding +to the end, and now approaching, down the other side, the place where we +stood. For some of the singers were regularly ceasing, and the next +to them as regularly taking up the song, so that it crept onwards with +gradations produced by changes which could not themselves be detected, +for only a few of those who were singing ceased at the same moment. The +song paused; and I saw a company of six of the white-robed men walk up +the centre of the human avenue, surrounding a youth gorgeously attired +beneath his robe of white, and wearing a chaplet of flowers on his +head. I followed them closely, with my keenest observation; and, by +accompanying their slow progress with my eyes, I was able to perceive +more clearly what took place when they arrived at the other end. I knew +that my sight was so much more keen than that of most people, that I had +good reason to suppose I should see more than the rest could, at such a +distance. At the farther end a throne stood upon a platform, high above +the heads of the surrounding priests. To this platform I saw the company +begin to ascend, apparently by an inclined plane or gentle slope. The +throne itself was elevated again, on a kind of square pedestal, to the +top of which led a flight of steps. On the throne sat a majestic-looking +figure, whose posture seemed to indicate a mixture of pride and +benignity, as he looked down on the multitude below. The company +ascended to the foot of the throne, where they all kneeled for some +minutes; then they rose and passed round to the side of the pedestal +upon which the throne stood. Here they crowded close behind the youth, +putting him in the foremost place, and one of them opened a door in the +pedestal, for the youth to enter. I was sure I saw him shrink back, and +those crowding behind pushed him in. Then, again, arose a burst of song +from the multitude in white, which lasted some time. When it ceased, +a new company of seven commenced its march up the centre. As they +advanced, I looked up at my master: his noble countenance was full of +reverence and awe. Incapable of evil himself, he could scarcely suspect +it in another, much less in a multitude such as this, and surrounded +with such appearances of solemnity. I was certain it was the really +grand accompaniments that overcame him; that the stars overhead, the +dark towering tops of the yew-trees, and the wind that, like an unseen +spirit, sighed through their branches, bowed his spirit to the belief, +that in all these ceremonies lay some great mystical meaning which, his +humility told him, his ignorance prevented him from understanding. + +More convinced than before, that there was evil here, I could not endure +that my master should be deceived; that one like him, so pure and noble, +should respect what, if my suspicions were true, was worse than the +ordinary deceptions of priestcraft. I could not tell how far he might be +led to countenance, and otherwise support their doings, before he should +find cause to repent bitterly of his error. I watched the new procession +yet more keenly, if possible, than the former. This time, the central +figure was a girl; and, at the close, I observed, yet more indubitably, +the shrinking back, and the crowding push. What happened to the victims, +I never learned; but I had learned enough, and I could bear it no +longer. I stooped, and whispered to the young girl who stood by me, to +lend me her white garment. I wanted it, that I might not be entirely +out of keeping with the solemnity, but might have at least this help to +passing unquestioned. She looked up, half-amused and half-bewildered, as +if doubting whether I was in earnest or not. But in her perplexity, she +permitted me to unfasten it, and slip it down from her shoulders. + +I easily got possession of it; and, sinking down on my knees in the +crowd, I rose apparently in the habit of one of the worshippers. + +Giving my battle-axe to the girl, to hold in pledge for the return of +her stole, for I wished to test the matter unarmed, and, if it was a man +that sat upon the throne, to attack him with hands bare, as I supposed +his must be, I made my way through the crowd to the front, while the +singing yet continued, desirous of reaching the platform while it was +unoccupied by any of the priests. I was permitted to walk up the long +avenue of white robes unmolested, though I saw questioning looks in many +of the faces as I passed. I presume my coolness aided my passage; for +I felt quite indifferent as to my own fate; not feeling, after the +late events of my history, that I was at all worth taking care of; and +enjoying, perhaps, something of an evil satisfaction, in the revenge +I was thus taking upon the self which had fooled me so long. When I +arrived on the platform, the song had just ceased, and I felt as if all +were looking towards me. But instead of kneeling at its foot, I walked +right up the stairs to the throne, laid hold of a great wooden image +that seemed to sit upon it, and tried to hurl it from its seat. In this +I failed at first, for I found it firmly fixed. But in dread lest, the +first shock of amazement passing away, the guards would rush upon me +before I had effected my purpose, I strained with all my might; and, +with a noise as of the cracking, and breaking, and tearing of rotten +wood, something gave way, and I hurled the image down the steps. Its +displacement revealed a great hole in the throne, like the hollow of a +decayed tree, going down apparently a great way. But I had no time to +examine it, for, as I looked into it, up out of it rushed a great brute, +like a wolf, but twice the size, and tumbled me headlong with itself, +down the steps of the throne. As we fell, however, I caught it by the +throat, and the moment we reached the platform, a struggle commenced, in +which I soon got uppermost, with my hand upon its throat, and knee upon +its heart. But now arose a wild cry of wrath and revenge and rescue. +A universal hiss of steel, as every sword was swept from its scabbard, +seemed to tear the very air in shreds. I heard the rush of hundreds +towards the platform on which I knelt. I only tightened my grasp of the +brute's throat. His eyes were already starting from his head, and his +tongue was hanging out. My anxious hope was, that, even after they had +killed me, they would be unable to undo my gripe of his throat, before +the monster was past breathing. I therefore threw all my will, and +force, and purpose, into the grasping hand. I remember no blow. A +faintness came over me, and my consciousness departed. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + + "We are ne'er like angels till our passions die." + DEKKER. + + "This wretched INN, where we scarce stay to bait, + We call our DWELLING-PLACE: + We call one STEP A RACE: + But angels in their full enlightened state, + Angels, who LIVE, and know what 'tis to BE, + Who all the nonsense of our language see, + Who speak THINGS, and our WORDS,their ill-drawn + PICTURES, scorn, + When we, by a foolish figure, say, + BEHOLD AN OLD MAN DEAD! then they + Speak properly, and cry, BEHOLD A MAN-CHILD BORN!" + COWLEY. + +I was dead, and right content. I lay in my coffin, with my hands folded +in peace. The knight, and the lady I loved, wept over me. + +Her tears fell on my face. + +"Ah!" said the knight, "I rushed amongst them like a madman. I hewed +them down like brushwood. Their swords battered on me like hail, but +hurt me not. I cut a lane through to my friend. He was dead. But he had +throttled the monster, and I had to cut the handful out of its throat, +before I could disengage and carry off his body. They dared not molest +me as I brought him back." + +"He has died well," said the lady. + +My spirit rejoiced. They left me to my repose. I felt as if a cool hand +had been laid upon my heart, and had stilled it. My soul was like a +summer evening, after a heavy fall of rain, when the drops are yet +glistening on the trees in the last rays of the down-going sun, and the +wind of the twilight has begun to blow. The hot fever of life had gone +by, and I breathed the clear mountain-air of the land of Death. I had +never dreamed of such blessedness. It was not that I had in any way +ceased to be what I had been. The very fact that anything can die, +implies the existence of something that cannot die; which must either +take to itself another form, as when the seed that is sown dies, and +arises again; or, in conscious existence, may, perhaps, continue to +lead a purely spiritual life. If my passions were dead, the souls of +the passions, those essential mysteries of the spirit which had imbodied +themselves in the passions, and had given to them all their glory and +wonderment, yet lived, yet glowed, with a pure, undying fire. They rose +above their vanishing earthly garments, and disclosed themselves angels +of light. But oh, how beautiful beyond the old form! I lay thus for +a time, and lived as it were an unradiating existence; my soul a +motionless lake, that received all things and gave nothing back; +satisfied in still contemplation, and spiritual consciousness. + +Ere long, they bore me to my grave. Never tired child lay down in his +white bed, and heard the sound of his playthings being laid aside for +the night, with a more luxurious satisfaction of repose than I knew, +when I felt the coffin settle on the firm earth, and heard the sound of +the falling mould upon its lid. It has not the same hollow rattle within +the coffin, that it sends up to the edge of the grave. They buried me +in no graveyard. They loved me too much for that, I thank them; but they +laid me in the grounds of their own castle, amid many trees; where, as +it was spring-time, were growing primroses, and blue-bells, and all the +families of the woods + +Now that I lay in her bosom, the whole earth, and each of her many +births, was as a body to me, at my will. I seemed to feel the great +heart of the mother beating into mine, and feeding me with her own life, +her own essential being and nature. I heard the footsteps of my friends +above, and they sent a thrill through my heart. I knew that the helpers +had gone, and that the knight and the lady remained, and spoke low, +gentle, tearful words of him who lay beneath the yet wounded sod. I rose +into a single large primrose that grew by the edge of the grave, +and from the window of its humble, trusting face, looked full in the +countenance of the lady. I felt that I could manifest myself in the +primrose; that it said a part of what I wanted to say; just as in the +old time, I had used to betake myself to a song for the same end. The +flower caught her eye. She stooped and plucked it, saying, "Oh, you +beautiful creature!" and, lightly kissing it, put it in her bosom. It +was the first kiss she had ever given me. But the flower soon began to +wither, and I forsook it. + +It was evening. The sun was below the horizon; but his rosy beams yet +illuminated a feathery cloud, that floated high above the world. I +arose, I reached the cloud; and, throwing myself upon it, floated with +it in sight of the sinking sun. He sank, and the cloud grew gray; but +the grayness touched not my heart. It carried its rose-hue within; +for now I could love without needing to be loved again. The moon came +gliding up with all the past in her wan face. She changed my couch into +a ghostly pallor, and threw all the earth below as to the bottom of a +pale sea of dreams. But she could not make me sad. I knew now, that it +is by loving, and not by being loved, that one can come nearest the soul +of another; yea, that, where two love, it is the loving of each other, +and not the being loved by each other, that originates and perfects and +assures their blessedness. I knew that love gives to him that loveth, +power over any soul beloved, even if that soul know him not, bringing +him inwardly close to that spirit; a power that cannot be but for good; +for in proportion as selfishness intrudes, the love ceases, and the +power which springs therefrom dies. Yet all love will, one day, meet +with its return. All true love will, one day, behold its own image in +the eyes of the beloved, and be humbly glad. This is possible in the +realms of lofty Death. "Ah! my friends," thought I, "how I will tend +you, and wait upon you, and haunt you with my love." + +"My floating chariot bore me over a great city. Its faint dull sound +steamed up into the air--a sound--how composed?" How many hopeless +cries," thought I, "and how many mad shouts go to make up the tumult, +here so faint where I float in eternal peace, knowing that they will +one day be stilled in the surrounding calm, and that despair dies into +infinite hope, and the seeming impossible there, is the law here! + +"But, O pale-faced women, and gloomy-browed men, and forgotten children, +how I will wait on you, and minister to you, and, putting my arms about +you in the dark, think hope into your hearts, when you fancy no one is +near! Soon as my senses have all come back, and have grown accustomed to +this new blessed life, I will be among you with the love that healeth." + +With this, a pang and a terrible shudder went through me; a writhing +as of death convulsed me; and I became once again conscious of a more +limited, even a bodily and earthly life. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + + "Our life is no dream; but it ought to become one, + and perhaps will."--NOVALIS. + + "And on the ground, which is my modres gate, + I knocke with my staf; erlich and late, + And say to hire, Leve mother, let me in." + CHAUCER, The Pardoneres Tale. + +Sinking from such a state of ideal bliss, into the world of shadows +which again closed around and infolded me, my first dread was, not +unnaturally, that my own shadow had found me again, and that my torture +had commenced anew. It was a sad revulsion of feeling. This, indeed, +seemed to correspond to what we think death is, before we die. Yet I +felt within me a power of calm endurance to which I had hitherto been +a stranger. For, in truth, that I should be able if only to think such +things as I had been thinking, was an unspeakable delight. An hour of +such peace made the turmoil of a lifetime worth striving through. + +I found myself lying in the open air, in the early morning, before +sunrise. Over me rose the summer heaven, expectant of the sun. The +clouds already saw him, coming from afar; and soon every dewdrop would +rejoice in his individual presence within it. + +I lay motionless for a few minutes; and then slowly rose and looked +about me. I was on the summit of a little hill; a valley lay beneath, +and a range of mountains closed up the view upon that side. But, to my +horror, across the valley, and up the height of the opposing mountains, +stretched, from my very feet, a hugely expanding shade. There it lay, +long and large, dark and mighty. I turned away with a sick despair; when +lo! I beheld the sun just lifting his head above the eastern hill, +and the shadow that fell from me, lay only where his beams fell not. I +danced for joy. It was only the natural shadow, that goes with every man +who walks in the sun. As he arose, higher and higher, the shadow-head +sank down the side of the opposite hill, and crept in across the valley +towards my feet. + +Now that I was so joyously delivered from this fear, I saw and +recognised the country around me. In the valley below, lay my own +castle, and the haunts of my childhood were all about me hastened home. +My sisters received me with unspeakable joy; but I suppose they observed +some change in me, for a kind of respect, with a slight touch of awe in +it, mingled with their joy, and made me ashamed. They had been in great +distress about me. On the morning of my disappearance, they had found +the floor of my room flooded; and, all that day, a wondrous and nearly +impervious mist had hung about the castle and grounds. I had been gone, +they told me, twenty-one days. To me it seemed twenty-one years. Nor +could I yet feel quite secure in my new experiences. When, at night, I +lay down once more in my own bed, I did not feel at all sure that when I +awoke, I should not find myself in some mysterious region of Fairy Land. +My dreams were incessant and perturbed; but when I did awake, I saw +clearly that I was in my own home. + +My mind soon grew calm; and I began the duties of my new position, +somewhat instructed, I hoped, by the adventures that had befallen me in +Fairy Land. Could I translate the experience of my travels there, into +common life? This was the question. Or must I live it all over again, +and learn it all over again, in the other forms that belong to the world +of men, whose experience yet runs parallel to that of Fairy Land? These +questions I cannot answer yet. But I fear. + +Even yet, I find myself looking round sometimes with anxiety, to see +whether my shadow falls right away from the sun or no. I have never yet +discovered any inclination to either side. And if I am not unfrequently +sad, I yet cast no more of a shade on the earth, than most men who have +lived in it as long as I. I have a strange feeling sometimes, that I am +a ghost, sent into the world to minister to my fellow men, or, rather, +to repair the wrongs I have already done. + +May the world be brighter for me, at least in those portions of it, +where my darkness falls not. + +Thus I, who set out to find my Ideal, came back rejoicing that I had +lost my Shadow. + +When the thought of the blessedness I experienced, after my death in +Fairy Land, is too high for me to lay hold upon it and hope in it, +I often think of the wise woman in the cottage, and of her solemn +assurance that she knew something too good to be told. When I am +oppressed by any sorrow or real perplexity, I often feel as if I had +only left her cottage for a time, and would soon return out of the +vision, into it again. Sometimes, on such occasions, I find myself, +unconsciously almost, looking about for the mystic mark of red, with +the vague hope of entering her door, and being comforted by her wise +tenderness. I then console myself by saying: "I have come through the +door of Dismay; and the way back from the world into which that has led +me, is through my tomb. Upon that the red sign lies, and I shall find it +one day, and be glad." + +I will end my story with the relation of an incident which befell me a +few days ago. I had been with my reapers, and, when they ceased their +work at noon, I had lain down under the shadow of a great, ancient +beech-tree, that stood on the edge of the field. As I lay, with my eyes +closed, I began to listen to the sound of the leaves overhead. At first, +they made sweet inarticulate music alone; but, by-and-by, the sound +seemed to begin to take shape, and to be gradually moulding itself into +words; till, at last, I seemed able to distinguish these, half-dissolved +in a little ocean of circumfluent tones: "A great good is coming--is +coming--is coming to thee, Anodos;" and so over and over again. I +fancied that the sound reminded me of the voice of the ancient woman, in +the cottage that was four-square. I opened my eyes, and, for a moment, +almost believed that I saw her face, with its many wrinkles and its +young eyes, looking at me from between two hoary branches of the beech +overhead. But when I looked more keenly, I saw only twigs and leaves, +and the infinite sky, in tiny spots, gazing through between. Yet I know +that good is coming to me--that good is always coming; though few have +at all times the simplicity and the courage to believe it. What we +call evil, is the only and best shape, which, for the person and his +condition at the time, could be assumed by the best good. And so, +FAREWELL. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Phantastes, by George MacDonald + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PHANTASTES *** + +***** This file should be named 325.txt or 325.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/2/325/ + +Produced by Mike Lough + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/old/325-8.zip b/old/325-8.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..db8f40d --- /dev/null +++ b/old/325-8.zip diff --git a/old/325-h.htm.2021-01-27 b/old/325-h.htm.2021-01-27 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fd40929 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/325-h.htm.2021-01-27 @@ -0,0 +1,8144 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + Phantastes, by George Macdonald + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Phantastes, by George MacDonald + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Phantastes + A Faerie Romance for Men and Women + +Author: George MacDonald + +Release Date: July 8, 2008 [EBook #325] +Last Updated: October 9, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PHANTASTES *** + + + + +Produced by Mike Lough, and David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + PHANTASTES + </h1> + <h2> + A FAERIE ROMANCE FOR MEN AND WOMEN + </h2> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + By George Macdonald + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h5> + A new Edition, with thirty-three new Illustrations by Arthur Hughes;<br /> + edited by Greville MacDonald (Illustrations not available) + </h5> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “In good sooth, my masters, this is no door. + + Yet is it a little window, that looketh upon a great world.” + </pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <blockquote> + <p class="toc"> + <big><b>CONTENTS</b></big> + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_PREF"> PREFACE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> <big><b>PHANTASTES A FAERIE ROMANCE</b></big> + </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0001"> CHAPTER I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0002"> CHAPTER II </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0003"> CHAPTER III </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0004"> CHAPTER IV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0005"> CHAPTER V </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0006"> CHAPTER VI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0007"> CHAPTER VII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0008"> CHAPTER VIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0009"> CHAPTER IX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0010"> CHAPTER X </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0011"> CHAPTER XI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0012"> CHAPTER XII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0013"> CHAPTER XIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0014"> CHAPTER XIV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0015"> CHAPTER XV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0016"> CHAPTER XVI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0017"> CHAPTER XVII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0018"> CHAPTER XVIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0019"> CHAPTER XIX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0020"> CHAPTER XX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0021"> CHAPTER XXI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0022"> CHAPTER XXII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0023"> CHAPTER XXIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0024"> CHAPTER XXIV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0025"> CHAPTER XXV </a> + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_PREF" id="link2H_PREF"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + PREFACE + </h2> + <p> + For offering this new edition of my father’s Phantastes, my reasons are + three. The first is to rescue the work from an edition illustrated without + the author’s sanction, and so unsuitably that all lovers of the book must + have experienced some real grief in turning its pages. With the copyright + I secured also the whole of that edition and turned it into pulp. + </p> + <p> + My second reason is to pay a small tribute to my father by way of personal + gratitude for this, his first prose work, which was published nearly fifty + years ago. Though unknown to many lovers of his greater writings, none of + these has exceeded it in imaginative insight and power of expression. To + me it rings with the dominant chord of his life’s purpose and work. + </p> + <p> + My third reason is that wider knowledge and love of the book should be + made possible. To this end I have been most happy in the help of my + father’s old friend, who has illustrated the book. I know of no other + living artist who is capable of portraying the spirit of Phantastes; and + every reader of this edition will, I believe, feel that the illustrations + are a part of the romance, and will gain through them some perception of + the brotherhood between George MacDonald and Arthur Hughes. + </p> + <p> + GREVILLE MACDONALD. + </p> + <p> + September 1905. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + PHANTASTES A FAERIE ROMANCE + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Phantastes from ‘their fount’ all shapes deriving, + In new habiliments can quickly dight.” + FLETCHER’S <i>Purple Island</i> +</pre> + + +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Es lassen sich Erzählungen ohne Zusammenhang, jedoch mit + Association, wie Träume, denken; Gedichte, die bloss + wohlklingend und voll schöner Worte sind, aber auch ohne + allen Sinn und Zusammenhang, höchstens einzelne Strophen + verständlich, wie Bruchstücke aus den verschiedenartigsten + Dingen. Diese wahre Poesie kann höchstens einen + allegorischen Sinn in Grossen, und eine indirecte Wirkung, + wie Musik, haben. Darum ist die Natur so rein poetisch, wie + die Stube eines Zauberers, eines Physikers, eine + Kinderstube, eine Polter- und Vorrathskammer. + + Ein Märchen ist wie ein Traumbild ohne Zusammenhang. Ein + Ensemble wunderbarer Dinge und Begebenheiten, z. B. eine + musikalische Phantasie, die harmonischen Folgen einer + Aeolsharfe, die Natur selbst... + + In einem echten Märchen muss alles wunderbar, geheimnissvoll + und zusammenhängend sein; alles belebt, jeder auf eine + andere Art. Die ganze Natur muss wunderlich mit der ganzen + Geisterwelt gemischt sein; hier tritt die Zeit der Anarchie, + der Gesetzlosigkeit, Freiheit, der Naturstand der Natur, die + Zeit von der Welt ein . . . Die Welt des Märchens ist die, + der Welt der Wahrheit durchaus entgegengesetzte, und eben + darum ihr so durchaus ähnlich, wie das Chaos der vollendeten + Schöpfung ähnlich ist.--NOVALIS. + +</pre> + + + + + + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER I + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “A spirit . . . + . . . . . . + The undulating and silent well, + And rippling rivulet, and evening gloom, + Now deepening the dark shades, for speech assuming, + Held commune with him; as if he and it + Were all that was.” + SHELLEY’S <i>Alastor</i>. +</pre> + <p> + I awoke one morning with the usual perplexity of mind which accompanies + the return of consciousness. As I lay and looked through the eastern + window of my room, a faint streak of peach-colour, dividing a cloud that + just rose above the low swell of the horizon, announced the approach of + the sun. As my thoughts, which a deep and apparently dreamless sleep had + dissolved, began again to assume crystalline forms, the strange events of + the foregoing night presented themselves anew to my wondering + consciousness. The day before had been my one-and-twentieth birthday. + Among other ceremonies investing me with my legal rights, the keys of an + old secretary, in which my father had kept his private papers, had been + delivered up to me. As soon as I was left alone, I ordered lights in the + chamber where the secretary stood, the first lights that had been there + for many a year; for, since my father’s death, the room had been left + undisturbed. But, as if the darkness had been too long an inmate to be + easily expelled, and had dyed with blackness the walls to which, bat-like, + it had clung, these tapers served but ill to light up the gloomy hangings, + and seemed to throw yet darker shadows into the hollows of the + deep-wrought cornice. All the further portions of the room lay shrouded in + a mystery whose deepest folds were gathered around the dark oak cabinet + which I now approached with a strange mingling of reverence and curiosity. + Perhaps, like a geologist, I was about to turn up to the light some of the + buried strata of the human world, with its fossil remains charred by + passion and petrified by tears. Perhaps I was to learn how my father, + whose personal history was unknown to me, had woven his web of story; how + he had found the world, and how the world had left him. Perhaps I was to + find only the records of lands and moneys, how gotten and how secured; + coming down from strange men, and through troublous times, to me, who knew + little or nothing of them all. To solve my speculations, and to dispel the + awe which was fast gathering around me as if the dead were drawing near, I + approached the secretary; and having found the key that fitted the upper + portion, I opened it with some difficulty, drew near it a heavy + high-backed chair, and sat down before a multitude of little drawers and + slides and pigeon-holes. But the door of a little cupboard in the centre + especially attracted my interest, as if there lay the secret of this + long-hidden world. Its key I found. + </p> + <p> + One of the rusty hinges cracked and broke as I opened the door: it + revealed a number of small pigeon-holes. These, however, being but shallow + compared with the depth of those around the little cupboard, the outer + ones reaching to the back of the desk, I concluded that there must be some + accessible space behind; and found, indeed, that they were formed in a + separate framework, which admitted of the whole being pulled out in one + piece. Behind, I found a sort of flexible portcullis of small bars of wood + laid close together horizontally. After long search, and trying many ways + to move it, I discovered at last a scarcely projecting point of steel on + one side. I pressed this repeatedly and hard with the point of an old tool + that was lying near, till at length it yielded inwards; and the little + slide, flying up suddenly, disclosed a chamber—empty, except that in + one corner lay a little heap of withered rose-leaves, whose long-lived + scent had long since departed; and, in another, a small packet of papers, + tied with a bit of ribbon, whose colour had gone with the rose-scent. + Almost fearing to touch them, they witnessed so mutely to the law of + oblivion, I leaned back in my chair, and regarded them for a moment; when + suddenly there stood on the threshold of the little chamber, as though she + had just emerged from its depth, a tiny woman-form, as perfect in shape as + if she had been a small Greek statuette roused to life and motion. Her + dress was of a kind that could never grow old-fashioned, because it was + simply natural: a robe plaited in a band around the neck, and confined by + a belt about the waist, descended to her feet. It was only afterwards, + however, that I took notice of her dress, although my surprise was by no + means of so overpowering a degree as such an apparition might naturally be + expected to excite. Seeing, however, as I suppose, some astonishment in my + countenance, she came forward within a yard of me, and said, in a voice + that strangely recalled a sensation of twilight, and reedy river banks, + and a low wind, even in this deathly room:— + </p> + <p> + “Anodos, you never saw such a little creature before, did you?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said I; “and indeed I hardly believe I do now.” + </p> +<p> +“Ah! that is always the way with you men; you believe nothing the first +time; and it is foolish enough to let mere repetition convince you of +what you consider in itself unbelievable. I am not going to argue with +you, however, but to grant you a wish.” + </p> +<p> +Here I could not help interrupting her with the foolish speech, +of which, however, I had no cause to repent— +</p> + <p> + “How can such a very little creature as you grant or refuse anything?” + </p> + <p> + “Is that all the philosophy you have gained in one-and-twenty years?” said + she. “Form is much, but size is nothing. It is a mere matter of relation. + I suppose your six-foot lordship does not feel altogether insignificant, + though to others you do look small beside your old Uncle Ralph, who rises + above you a great half-foot at least. But size is of so little consequence + with old me, that I may as well accommodate myself to your foolish + prejudices.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, she leapt from the desk upon the floor, where she stood a tall, + gracious lady, with pale face and large blue eyes. Her dark hair flowed + behind, wavy but uncurled, down to her waist, and against it her form + stood clear in its robe of white. + </p> + <p> + “Now,” said she, “you will believe me.” + </p> + <p> + Overcome with the presence of a beauty which I could now perceive, and + drawn towards her by an attraction irresistible as incomprehensible, I + suppose I stretched out my arms towards her, for she drew back a step or + two, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Foolish boy, if you could touch me, I should hurt you. Besides, I was two + hundred and thirty-seven years old, last Midsummer eve; and a man must not + fall in love with his grandmother, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “But you are not my grandmother,” said I. + </p> + <p> + “How do you know that?” she retorted. “I dare say you know something of + your great-grandfathers a good deal further back than that; but you know + very little about your great-grandmothers on either side. Now, to the + point. Your little sister was reading a fairy-tale to you last night.” + </p> + <p> + “She was.” + </p> + <p> + “When she had finished, she said, as she closed the book, ‘Is there a + fairy-country, brother?’ You replied with a sigh, ‘I suppose there is, if + one could find the way into it.’” + </p> + <p> + “I did; but I meant something quite different from what you seem to + think.” + </p> + <p> + “Never mind what I seem to think. You shall find the way into Fairy Land + to-morrow. Now look in my eyes.” + </p> + <p> + Eagerly I did so. They filled me with an unknown longing. I remembered + somehow that my mother died when I was a baby. I looked deeper and deeper, + till they spread around me like seas, and I sank in their waters. I forgot + all the rest, till I found myself at the window, whose gloomy curtains + were withdrawn, and where I stood gazing on a whole heaven of stars, small + and sparkling in the moonlight. Below lay a sea, still as death and hoary + in the moon, sweeping into bays and around capes and islands, away, away, + I knew not whither. Alas! it was no sea, but a low bog burnished by the + moon. “Surely there is such a sea somewhere!” said I to myself. A low + sweet voice beside me replied— + </p> + <p> + “In Fairy Land, Anodos.” + </p> + <p> + I turned, but saw no one. I closed the secretary, and went to my own room, + and to bed. + </p> + <p> + All this I recalled as I lay with half-closed eyes. I was soon to find the + truth of the lady’s promise, that this day I should discover the road into + Fairy Land. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER II + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “‘Where is the stream?’ cried he, with tears. ‘Seest thou + its not in blue waves above us?’ He looked up, and lo! the + blue stream was flowing gently over their heads.” + —NOVALIS, <i>Heinrich von Ofterdingen</i>. +</pre> + <p> + While these strange events were passing through my mind, I suddenly, as + one awakes to the consciousness that the sea has been moaning by him for + hours, or that the storm has been howling about his window all night, + became aware of the sound of running water near me; and, looking out of + bed, I saw that a large green marble basin, in which I was wont to wash, + and which stood on a low pedestal of the same material in a corner of my + room, was overflowing like a spring; and that a stream of clear water was + running over the carpet, all the length of the room, finding its outlet I + knew not where. And, stranger still, where this carpet, which I had myself + designed to imitate a field of grass and daisies, bordered the course of + the little stream, the grass-blades and daisies seemed to wave in a tiny + breeze that followed the water’s flow; while under the rivulet they bent + and swayed with every motion of the changeful current, as if they were + about to dissolve with it, and, forsaking their fixed form, become fluent + as the waters. + </p> + <p> + My dressing-table was an old-fashioned piece of furniture of black oak, + with drawers all down the front. These were elaborately carved in foliage, + of which ivy formed the chief part. The nearer end of this table remained + just as it had been, but on the further end a singular change had + commenced. I happened to fix my eye on a little cluster of ivy-leaves. The + first of these was evidently the work of the carver; the next looked + curious; the third was unmistakable ivy; and just beyond it a tendril of + clematis had twined itself about the gilt handle of one of the drawers. + Hearing next a slight motion above me, I looked up, and saw that the + branches and leaves designed upon the curtains of my bed were slightly in + motion. Not knowing what change might follow next, I thought it high time + to get up; and, springing from the bed, my bare feet alighted upon a cool + green sward; and although I dressed in all haste, I found myself + completing my toilet under the boughs of a great tree, whose top waved in + the golden stream of the sunrise with many interchanging lights, and with + shadows of leaf and branch gliding over leaf and branch, as the cool + morning wind swung it to and fro, like a sinking sea-wave. + </p> + <p> + After washing as well as I could in the clear stream, I rose and looked + around me. The tree under which I seemed to have lain all night was one of + the advanced guard of a dense forest, towards which the rivulet ran. Faint + traces of a footpath, much overgrown with grass and moss, and with here + and there a pimpernel even, were discernible along the right bank. “This,” + thought I, “must surely be the path into Fairy Land, which the lady of + last night promised I should so soon find.” I crossed the rivulet, and + accompanied it, keeping the footpath on its right bank, until it led me, + as I expected, into the wood. Here I left it, without any good reason: and + with a vague feeling that I ought to have followed its course, I took a + more southerly direction. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER III + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Man doth usurp all space, + Stares thee, in rock, bush, river, in + the face. + Never thine eyes behold a tree; + ‘Tis no sea thou seest in the sea, + ‘Tis but a disguised humanity. + To avoid thy fellow, vain thy plan; + All that interests a man, is man.” + HENRY SUTTON. +</pre> + <p> + The trees, which were far apart where I entered, giving free passage to + the level rays of the sun, closed rapidly as I advanced, so that ere long + their crowded stems barred the sunlight out, forming as it were a thick + grating between me and the East. I seemed to be advancing towards a second + midnight. In the midst of the intervening twilight, however, before I + entered what appeared to be the darkest portion of the forest, I saw a + country maiden coming towards me from its very depths. She did not seem to + observe me, for she was apparently intent upon a bunch of wild flowers + which she carried in her hand. I could hardly see her face; for, though + she came direct towards me, she never looked up. But when we met, instead + of passing, she turned and walked alongside of me for a few yards, still + keeping her face downwards, and busied with her flowers. She spoke + rapidly, however, all the time, in a low tone, as if talking to herself, + but evidently addressing the purport of her words to me. + </p> + <p> + She seemed afraid of being observed by some lurking foe. “Trust the Oak,” + said she; “trust the Oak, and the Elm, and the great Beech. Take care of + the Birch, for though she is honest, she is too young not to be + changeable. But shun the Ash and the Alder; for the Ash is an ogre,—you + will know him by his thick fingers; and the Alder will smother you with + her web of hair, if you let her near you at night.” All this was uttered + without pause or alteration of tone. Then she turned suddenly and left me, + walking still with the same unchanging gait. I could not conjecture what + she meant, but satisfied myself with thinking that it would be time enough + to find out her meaning when there was need to make use of her warning, + and that the occasion would reveal the admonition. I concluded from the + flowers that she carried, that the forest could not be everywhere so dense + as it appeared from where I was now walking; and I was right in this + conclusion. For soon I came to a more open part, and by-and-by crossed a + wide grassy glade, on which were several circles of brighter green. But + even here I was struck with the utter stillness. No bird sang. No insect + hummed. Not a living creature crossed my way. Yet somehow the whole + environment seemed only asleep, and to wear even in sleep an air of + expectation. The trees seemed all to have an expression of conscious + mystery, as if they said to themselves, “we could, an’ if we would.” They + had all a meaning look about them. Then I remembered that night is the + fairies’ day, and the moon their sun; and I thought—Everything + sleeps and dreams now: when the night comes, it will be different. At the + same time I, being a man and a child of the day, felt some anxiety as to + how I should fare among the elves and other children of the night who wake + when mortals dream, and find their common life in those wondrous hours + that flow noiselessly over the moveless death-like forms of men and women + and children, lying strewn and parted beneath the weight of the heavy + waves of night, which flow on and beat them down, and hold them drowned + and senseless, until the ebbtide comes, and the waves sink away, back into + the ocean of the dark. But I took courage and went on. Soon, however, I + became again anxious, though from another cause. I had eaten nothing that + day, and for an hour past had been feeling the want of food. So I grew + afraid lest I should find nothing to meet my human necessities in this + strange place; but once more I comforted myself with hope and went on. + </p> + <p> + Before noon, I fancied I saw a thin blue smoke rising amongst the stems of + larger trees in front of me; and soon I came to an open spot of ground in + which stood a little cottage, so built that the stems of four great trees + formed its corners, while their branches met and intertwined over its + roof, heaping a great cloud of leaves over it, up towards the heavens. I + wondered at finding a human dwelling in this neighbourhood; and yet it did + not look altogether human, though sufficiently so to encourage me to + expect to find some sort of food. Seeing no door, I went round to the + other side, and there I found one, wide open. A woman sat beside it, + preparing some vegetables for dinner. This was homely and comforting. As I + came near, she looked up, and seeing me, showed no surprise, but bent her + head again over her work, and said in a low tone: + </p> + <p> + “Did you see my daughter?” + </p> + <p> + “I believe I did,” said I. “Can you give me something to eat, for I am + very hungry?” “With pleasure,” she replied, in the same tone; “but do not + say anything more, till you come into the house, for the Ash is watching + us.” + </p> + <p> + Having said this, she rose and led the way into the cottage; which, I now + saw, was built of the stems of small trees set closely together, and was + furnished with rough chairs and tables, from which even the bark had not + been removed. As soon as she had shut the door and set a chair— + </p> + <p> + “You have fairy blood in you,” said she, looking hard at me. + </p> + <p> + “How do you know that?” + </p> + <p> + “You could not have got so far into this wood if it were not so; and I am + trying to find out some trace of it in your countenance. I think I see + it.” + </p> + <p> + “What do you see?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, never mind: I may be mistaken in that.” + </p> + <p> + “But how then do you come to live here?” + </p> + <p> + “Because I too have fairy blood in me.” + </p> + <p> + Here I, in my turn, looked hard at her, and thought I could perceive, + notwithstanding the coarseness of her features, and especially the + heaviness of her eyebrows, a something unusual—I could hardly call + it grace, and yet it was an expression that strangely contrasted with the + form of her features. I noticed too that her hands were delicately formed, + though brown with work and exposure. + </p> + <p> + “I should be ill,” she continued, “if I did not live on the borders of the + fairies’ country, and now and then eat of their food. And I see by your + eyes that you are not quite free of the same need; though, from your + education and the activity of your mind, you have felt it less than I. You + may be further removed too from the fairy race.” + </p> + <p> + I remembered what the lady had said about my grandmothers. + </p> + <p> + Here she placed some bread and some milk before me, with a kindly apology + for the homeliness of the fare, with which, however, I was in no humour to + quarrel. I now thought it time to try to get some explanation of the + strange words both of her daughter and herself. + </p> + <p> + “What did you mean by speaking so about the Ash?” + </p> + <p> + She rose and looked out of the little window. My eyes followed her; but as + the window was too small to allow anything to be seen from where I was + sitting, I rose and looked over her shoulder. I had just time to see, + across the open space, on the edge of the denser forest, a single large + ash-tree, whose foliage showed bluish, amidst the truer green of the other + trees around it; when she pushed me back with an expression of impatience + and terror, and then almost shut out the light from the window by setting + up a large old book in it. + </p> + <p> + “In general,” said she, recovering her composure, “there is no danger in + the daytime, for then he is sound asleep; but there is something unusual + going on in the woods; there must be some solemnity among the fairies + to-night, for all the trees are restless, and although they cannot come + awake, they see and hear in their sleep.” + </p> + <p> + “But what danger is to be dreaded from him?” + </p> + <p> + Instead of answering the question, she went again to the window and looked + out, saying she feared the fairies would be interrupted by foul weather, + for a storm was brewing in the west. + </p> + <p> + “And the sooner it grows dark, the sooner the Ash will be awake,” added + she. + </p> + <p> + I asked her how she knew that there was any unusual excitement in the + woods. She replied— + </p> +<p> +“Besides the look of the trees, the dog there is unhappy; and the eyes +and ears of the white rabbit are redder than usual, and he frisks about +as if he expected some fun. If the cat were at home, she would have +her back up; for the young fairies pull the sparks out of her tail with +bramble thorns, and she knows when they are coming. So do I, in another +way.” + </p> +<p> +At this instant, a grey cat rushed in like a demon, and +disappeared in a hole in the wall. +</p> + <p> + “There, I told you!” said the woman. + </p> +<p> +“But what of the ash-tree?” said I, returning once more to the +subject. Here, however, the young woman, whom I had met in the morning, +entered. A smile passed between the mother and daughter; and then the +latter began to help her mother in little household duties. +</p> + <p> + “I should like to stay here till the evening,” I said; “and then go on my + journey, if you will allow me.” + </p> + <p> + “You are welcome to do as you please; only it might be better to stay all + night, than risk the dangers of the wood then. Where are you going?” + </p> + <p> + “Nay, that I do not know,” I replied, “but I wish to see all that is to be + seen, and therefore I should like to start just at sundown.” “You are a + bold youth, if you have any idea of what you are daring; but a rash one, + if you know nothing about it; and, excuse me, you do not seem very well + informed about the country and its manners. However, no one comes here but + for some reason, either known to himself or to those who have charge of + him; so you shall do just as you wish.” + </p> + <p> + Accordingly I sat down, and feeling rather tired, and disinclined for + further talk, I asked leave to look at the old book which still screened + the window. The woman brought it to me directly, but not before taking + another look towards the forest, and then drawing a white blind over the + window. I sat down opposite to it by the table, on which I laid the great + old volume, and read. It contained many wondrous tales of Fairy Land, and + olden times, and the Knights of King Arthur’s table. I read on and on, + till the shades of the afternoon began to deepen; for in the midst of the + forest it gloomed earlier than in the open country. At length I came to + this passage— + </p> + <p> + “Here it chanced, that upon their quest, Sir Galahad and Sir Percivale + rencountered in the depths of a great forest. Now, Sir Galahad was dight + all in harness of silver, clear and shining; the which is a delight to + look upon, but full hasty to tarnish, and withouten the labour of a ready + squire, uneath to be kept fair and clean. And yet withouten squire or + page, Sir Galahad’s armour shone like the moon. And he rode a great white + mare, whose bases and other housings were black, but all besprent with + fair lilys of silver sheen. Whereas Sir Percivale bestrode a red horse, + with a tawny mane and tail; whose trappings were all to-smirched with mud + and mire; and his armour was wondrous rosty to behold, ne could he by any + art furbish it again; so that as the sun in his going down shone twixt the + bare trunks of the trees, full upon the knights twain, the one did seem + all shining with light, and the other all to glow with ruddy fire. Now it + came about in this wise. For Sir Percivale, after his escape from the + demon lady, whenas the cross on the handle of his sword smote him to the + heart, and he rove himself through the thigh, and escaped away, he came to + a great wood; and, in nowise cured of his fault, yet bemoaning the same, + the damosel of the alder tree encountered him, right fair to see; and with + her fair words and false countenance she comforted him and beguiled him, + until he followed her where she led him to a—-” + </p> + <p> + Here a low hurried cry from my hostess caused me to look up from the book, + and I read no more. + </p> + <p> + “Look there!” she said; “look at his fingers!” + </p> + <p> + Just as I had been reading in the book, the setting sun was shining + through a cleft in the clouds piled up in the west; and a shadow as of a + large distorted hand, with thick knobs and humps on the fingers, so that + it was much wider across the fingers than across the undivided part of the + hand, passed slowly over the little blind, and then as slowly returned in + the opposite direction. + </p> + <p> + “He is almost awake, mother; and greedier than usual to-night.” + </p> + <p> + “Hush, child; you need not make him more angry with us than he is; for you + do not know how soon something may happen to oblige us to be in the forest + after nightfall.” + </p> + <p> + “But you are in the forest,” said I; “how is it that you are safe here?” + </p> + <p> + “He dares not come nearer than he is now,” she replied; “for any of those + four oaks, at the corners of our cottage, would tear him to pieces; they + are our friends. But he stands there and makes awful faces at us + sometimes, and stretches out his long arms and fingers, and tries to kill + us with fright; for, indeed, that is his favourite way of doing. Pray, + keep out of his way to-night.” + </p> + <p> + “Shall I be able to see these things?” said I. + </p> + <p> + “That I cannot tell yet, not knowing how much of the fairy nature there is + in you. But we shall soon see whether you can discern the fairies in my + little garden, and that will be some guide to us.” + </p> + <p> + “Are the trees fairies too, as well as the flowers?” I asked. + </p> + <p> + “They are of the same race,” she replied; “though those you call fairies + in your country are chiefly the young children of the flower fairies. They + are very fond of having fun with the thick people, as they call you; for, + like most children, they like fun better than anything else.” + </p> + <p> + “Why do you have flowers so near you then? Do they not annoy you?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no, they are very amusing, with their mimicries of grown people, and + mock solemnities. Sometimes they will act a whole play through before my + eyes, with perfect composure and assurance, for they are not afraid of me. + Only, as soon as they have done, they burst into peals of tiny laughter, + as if it was such a joke to have been serious over anything. These I speak + of, however, are the fairies of the garden. They are more staid and + educated than those of the fields and woods. Of course they have near + relations amongst the wild flowers, but they patronise them, and treat + them as country cousins, who know nothing of life, and very little of + manners. Now and then, however, they are compelled to envy the grace and + simplicity of the natural flowers.” + </p> + <p> + “Do they live <i>in</i> the flowers?” I said. + </p> + <p> + “I cannot tell,” she replied. “There is something in it I do not + understand. Sometimes they disappear altogether, even from me, though I + know they are near. They seem to die always with the flowers they + resemble, and by whose names they are called; but whether they return to + life with the fresh flowers, or, whether it be new flowers, new fairies, I + cannot tell. They have as many sorts of dispositions as men and women, + while their moods are yet more variable; twenty different expressions will + cross their little faces in half a minute. I often amuse myself with + watching them, but I have never been able to make personal acquaintance + with any of them. If I speak to one, he or she looks up in my face, as if + I were not worth heeding, gives a little laugh, and runs away.” Here the + woman started, as if suddenly recollecting herself, and said in a low + voice to her daughter, “Make haste—go and watch him, and see in what + direction he goes.” + </p> + <p> + I may as well mention here, that the conclusion I arrived at from the + observations I was afterwards able to make, was, that the flowers die + because the fairies go away; not that the fairies disappear because the + flowers die. The flowers seem a sort of houses for them, or outer bodies, + which they can put on or off when they please. Just as you could form some + idea of the nature of a man from the kind of house he built, if he + followed his own taste, so you could, without seeing the fairies, tell + what any one of them is like, by looking at the flower till you feel that + you understand it. For just what the flower says to you, would the face + and form of the fairy say; only so much more plainly as a face and human + figure can express more than a flower. For the house or the clothes, + though like the inhabitant or the wearer, cannot be wrought into an equal + power of utterance. Yet you would see a strange resemblance, almost + oneness, between the flower and the fairy, which you could not describe, + but which described itself to you. Whether all the flowers have fairies, I + cannot determine, any more than I can be sure whether all men and women + have souls. + </p> + <p> + The woman and I continued the conversation for a few minutes longer. I was + much interested by the information she gave me, and astonished at the + language in which she was able to convey it. It seemed that intercourse + with the fairies was no bad education in itself. But now the daughter + returned with the news, that the Ash had just gone away in a + south-westerly direction; and, as my course seemed to lie eastward, she + hoped I should be in no danger of meeting him if I departed at once. I + looked out of the little window, and there stood the ash-tree, to my eyes + the same as before; but I believed that they knew better than I did, and + prepared to go. I pulled out my purse, but to my dismay there was nothing + in it. The woman with a smile begged me not to trouble myself, for money + was not of the slightest use there; and as I might meet with people in my + journeys whom I could not recognise to be fairies, it was well I had no + money to offer, for nothing offended them so much. + </p> + <p> + “They would think,” she added, “that you were making game of them; and + that is their peculiar privilege with regard to us.” So we went together + into the little garden which sloped down towards a lower part of the wood. + </p> + <p> + Here, to my great pleasure, all was life and bustle. There was still light + enough from the day to see a little; and the pale half-moon, halfway to + the zenith, was reviving every moment. The whole garden was like a + carnival, with tiny, gaily decorated forms, in groups, assemblies, + processions, pairs or trios, moving stately on, running about wildly, or + sauntering hither or thither. From the cups or bells of tall flowers, as + from balconies, some looked down on the masses below, now bursting with + laughter, now grave as owls; but even in their deepest solemnity, seeming + only to be waiting for the arrival of the next laugh. Some were launched + on a little marshy stream at the bottom, in boats chosen from the heaps of + last year’s leaves that lay about, curled and withered. These soon sank + with them; whereupon they swam ashore and got others. Those who took fresh + rose-leaves for their boats floated the longest; but for these they had to + fight; for the fairy of the rose-tree complained bitterly that they were + stealing her clothes, and defended her property bravely. + </p> + <p> + “You can’t wear half you’ve got,” said some. + </p> + <p> + “Never you mind; I don’t choose you to have them: they are my property.” + </p> + <p> + “All for the good of the community!” said one, and ran off with a great + hollow leaf. But the rose-fairy sprang after him (what a beauty she was! + only too like a drawing-room young lady), knocked him heels-over-head as + he ran, and recovered her great red leaf. But in the meantime twenty had + hurried off in different directions with others just as good; and the + little creature sat down and cried, and then, in a pet, sent a perfect + pink snowstorm of petals from her tree, leaping from branch to branch, and + stamping and shaking and pulling. At last, after another good cry, she + chose the biggest she could find, and ran away laughing, to launch her + boat amongst the rest. + </p> + <p> + But my attention was first and chiefly attracted by a group of fairies + near the cottage, who were talking together around what seemed a last + dying primrose. They talked singing, and their talk made a song, something + like this: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Sister Snowdrop died + Before we were born.” + “She came like a bride + In a snowy morn.” + “What’s a bride?” + “What is snow? + “Never tried.” + “Do not know.” + “Who told you about her?” + “Little Primrose there + Cannot do without her.” + “Oh, so sweetly fair!” + “Never fear, + She will come, + Primrose dear.” + “Is she dumb?” + + “She’ll come by-and-by.” + “You will never see her.” + “She went home to dies, + “Till the new year.” + “Snowdrop!” “‘Tis no good + To invite her.” + “Primrose is very rude, + “I will bite her.” + + “Oh, you naughty Pocket! + “Look, she drops her head.” + “She deserved it, Rocket, + “And she was nearly dead.” + “To your hammock—off with you!” + “And swing alone.” + “No one will laugh with you.” + “No, not one.” + + “Now let us moan.” + “And cover her o’er.” + “Primrose is gone.” + “All but the flower.” + “Here is a leaf.” + “Lay her upon it.” + “Follow in grief.” + “Pocket has done it.” + + “Deeper, poor creature! + Winter may come.” + “He cannot reach her— + That is a hum.” + “She is buried, the beauty!” + “Now she is done.” + “That was the duty.” + “Now for the fun.” + </pre> + <p> + And with a wild laugh they sprang away, most of them towards the cottage. + During the latter part of the song-talk, they had formed themselves into a + funeral procession, two of them bearing poor Primrose, whose death Pocket + had hastened by biting her stalk, upon one of her own great leaves. They + bore her solemnly along some distance, and then buried her under a tree. + Although I say <i>her</i> I saw nothing but the withered primrose-flower on its + long stalk. Pocket, who had been expelled from the company by common + consent, went sulkily away towards her hammock, for she was the fairy of + the calceolaria, and looked rather wicked. When she reached its stem, she + stopped and looked round. I could not help speaking to her, for I stood + near her. I said, “Pocket, how could you be so naughty?” + </p> + <p> + “I am never naughty,” she said, half-crossly, half-defiantly; “only if you + come near my hammock, I will bite you, and then you will go away.” + </p> + <p> + “Why did you bite poor Primrose?” + </p> + <p> + “Because she said we should never see Snowdrop; as if we were not good + enough to look at her, and she was, the proud thing!—served her + right!” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Pocket, Pocket,” said I; but by this time the party which had gone + towards the house, rushed out again, shouting and screaming with laughter. + Half of them were on the cat’s back, and half held on by her fur and tail, + or ran beside her; till, more coming to their help, the furious cat was + held fast; and they proceeded to pick the sparks out of her with thorns + and pins, which they handled like harpoons. Indeed, there were more + instruments at work about her than there could have been sparks in her. + One little fellow who held on hard by the tip of the tail, with his feet + planted on the ground at an angle of forty-five degrees, helping to keep + her fast, administered a continuous flow of admonitions to Pussy. + </p> + <p> + “Now, Pussy, be patient. You know quite well it is all for your good. You + cannot be comfortable with all those sparks in you; and, indeed, I am + charitably disposed to believe” (here he became very pompous) “that they + are the cause of all your bad temper; so we must have them all out, every + one; else we shall be reduced to the painful necessity of cutting your + claws, and pulling out your eye-teeth. Quiet! Pussy, quiet!” + </p> + <p> + But with a perfect hurricane of feline curses, the poor animal broke + loose, and dashed across the garden and through the hedge, faster than + even the fairies could follow. “Never mind, never mind, we shall find her + again; and by that time she will have laid in a fresh stock of sparks. + Hooray!” And off they set, after some new mischief. + </p> + <p> + But I will not linger to enlarge on the amusing display of these + frolicsome creatures. Their manners and habits are now so well known to + the world, having been so often described by eyewitnesses, that it would + be only indulging self-conceit, to add my account in full to the rest. I + cannot help wishing, however, that my readers could see them for + themselves. Especially do I desire that they should see the fairy of the + daisy; a little, chubby, round-eyed child, with such innocent trust in his + look! Even the most mischievous of the fairies would not tease him, + although he did not belong to their set at all, but was quite a little + country bumpkin. He wandered about alone, and looked at everything, with + his hands in his little pockets, and a white night-cap on, the darling! He + was not so beautiful as many other wild flowers I saw afterwards, but so + dear and loving in his looks and little confident ways. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER IV + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “When bale is att hyest, boote is nyest.” + <i>Ballad of Sir Aldingar</i>. +</pre> + <p> + By this time, my hostess was quite anxious that I should be gone. So, with + warm thanks for their hospitality, I took my leave, and went my way + through the little garden towards the forest. Some of the garden flowers + had wandered into the wood, and were growing here and there along the + path, but the trees soon became too thick and shadowy for them. I + particularly noticed some tall lilies, which grew on both sides of the + way, with large dazzlingly white flowers, set off by the universal green. + It was now dark enough for me to see that every flower was shining with a + light of its own. Indeed it was by this light that I saw them, an + internal, peculiar light, proceeding from each, and not reflected from a + common source of light as in the daytime. This light sufficed only for the + plant itself, and was not strong enough to cast any but the faintest + shadows around it, or to illuminate any of the neighbouring objects with + other than the faintest tinge of its own individual hue. From the lilies + above mentioned, from the campanulas, from the foxgloves, and every + bell-shaped flower, curious little figures shot up their heads, peeped at + me, and drew back. They seemed to inhabit them, as snails their shells but + I was sure some of them were intruders, and belonged to the gnomes or + goblin-fairies, who inhabit the ground and earthy creeping plants. From + the cups of Arum lilies, creatures with great heads and grotesque faces + shot up like Jack-in-the-box, and made grimaces at me; or rose slowly and + slily over the edge of the cup, and spouted water at me, slipping suddenly + back, like those little soldier-crabs that inhabit the shells of + sea-snails. Passing a row of tall thistles, I saw them crowded with little + faces, which peeped every one from behind its flower, and drew back as + quickly; and I heard them saying to each other, evidently intending me to + hear, but the speaker always hiding behind his tuft, when I looked in his + direction, “Look at him! Look at him! He has begun a story without a + beginning, and it will never have any end. He! he! he! Look at him!” + </p> + <p> + But as I went further into the wood, these sights and sounds became fewer, + giving way to others of a different character. A little forest of wild + hyacinths was alive with exquisite creatures, who stood nearly motionless, + with drooping necks, holding each by the stem of her flower, and swaying + gently with it, whenever a low breath of wind swung the crowded floral + belfry. In like manner, though differing of course in form and meaning, + stood a group of harebells, like little angels waiting, ready, till they + were wanted to go on some yet unknown message. In darker nooks, by the + mossy roots of the trees, or in little tufts of grass, each dwelling in a + globe of its own green light, weaving a network of grass and its shadows, + glowed the glowworms. + </p> + <p> + They were just like the glowworms of our own land, for they are fairies + everywhere; worms in the day, and glowworms at night, when their own can + appear, and they can be themselves to others as well as themselves. But + they had their enemies here. For I saw great strong-armed beetles, + hurrying about with most unwieldy haste, awkward as elephant-calves, + looking apparently for glowworms; for the moment a beetle espied one, + through what to it was a forest of grass, or an underwood of moss, it + pounced upon it, and bore it away, in spite of its feeble resistance. + Wondering what their object could be, I watched one of the beetles, and + then I discovered a thing I could not account for. But it is no use trying + to account for things in Fairy Land; and one who travels there soon learns + to forget the very idea of doing so, and takes everything as it comes; + like a child, who, being in a chronic condition of wonder, is surprised at + nothing. What I saw was this. Everywhere, here and there over the ground, + lay little, dark-looking lumps of something more like earth than anything + else, and about the size of a chestnut. The beetles hunted in couples for + these; and having found one, one of them stayed to watch it, while the + other hurried to find a glowworm. By signals, I presume, between them, the + latter soon found his companion again: they then took the glowworm and + held its luminous tail to the dark earthly pellet; when lo, it shot up + into the air like a sky-rocket, seldom, however, reaching the height of + the highest tree. Just like a rocket too, it burst in the air, and fell in + a shower of the most gorgeously coloured sparks of every variety of hue; + golden and red, and purple and green, and blue and rosy fires crossed and + inter-crossed each other, beneath the shadowy heads, and between the + columnar stems of the forest trees. They never used the same glowworm + twice, I observed; but let him go, apparently uninjured by the use they + had made of him. + </p> + <p> + In other parts, the whole of the immediately surrounding foliage was + illuminated by the interwoven dances in the air of splendidly coloured + fire-flies, which sped hither and thither, turned, twisted, crossed, and + recrossed, entwining every complexity of intervolved motion. Here and + there, whole mighty trees glowed with an emitted phosphorescent light. You + could trace the very course of the great roots in the earth by the faint + light that came through; and every twig, and every vein on every leaf was + a streak of pale fire. + </p> + <p> + All this time, as I went through the wood, I was haunted with the feeling + that other shapes, more like my own size and mien, were moving about at a + little distance on all sides of me. But as yet I could discern none of + them, although the moon was high enough to send a great many of her rays + down between the trees, and these rays were unusually bright, and + sight-giving, notwithstanding she was only a half-moon. I constantly + imagined, however, that forms were visible in all directions except that + to which my gaze was turned; and that they only became invisible, or + resolved themselves into other woodland shapes, the moment my looks were + directed towards them. However this may have been, except for this feeling + of presence, the woods seemed utterly bare of anything like human + companionship, although my glance often fell on some object which I + fancied to be a human form; for I soon found that I was quite deceived; + as, the moment I fixed my regard on it, it showed plainly that it was a + bush, or a tree, or a rock. + </p> + <p> + Soon a vague sense of discomfort possessed me. With variations of relief, + this gradually increased; as if some evil thing were wandering about in my + neighbourhood, sometimes nearer and sometimes further off, but still + approaching. The feeling continued and deepened, until all my pleasure in + the shows of various kinds that everywhere betokened the presence of the + merry fairies vanished by degrees, and left me full of anxiety and fear, + which I was unable to associate with any definite object whatever. At + length the thought crossed my mind with horror: “Can it be possible that + the Ash is looking for me? or that, in his nightly wanderings, his path is + gradually verging towards mine?” I comforted myself, however, by + remembering that he had started quite in another direction; one that would + lead him, if he kept it, far apart from me; especially as, for the last + two or three hours, I had been diligently journeying eastward. I kept on + my way, therefore, striving by direct effort of the will against the + encroaching fear; and to this end occupying my mind, as much as I could, + with other thoughts. I was so far successful that, although I was + conscious, if I yielded for a moment, I should be almost overwhelmed with + horror, I was yet able to walk right on for an hour or more. What I feared + I could not tell. Indeed, I was left in a state of the vaguest uncertainty + as regarded the nature of my enemy, and knew not the mode or object of his + attacks; for, somehow or other, none of my questions had succeeded in + drawing a definite answer from the dame in the cottage. How then to defend + myself I knew not; nor even by what sign I might with certainty recognise + the presence of my foe; for as yet this vague though powerful fear was all + the indication of danger I had. To add to my distress, the clouds in the + west had risen nearly to the top of the skies, and they and the moon were + travelling slowly towards each other. Indeed, some of their advanced guard + had already met her, and she had begun to wade through a filmy vapour that + gradually deepened. + </p> + <p> + At length she was for a moment almost entirely obscured. When she shone + out again, with a brilliancy increased by the contrast, I saw plainly on + the path before me—from around which at this spot the trees receded, + leaving a small space of green sward—the shadow of a large hand, + with knotty joints and protuberances here and there. Especially I + remarked, even in the midst of my fear, the bulbous points of the fingers. + I looked hurriedly all around, but could see nothing from which such a + shadow should fall. Now, however, that I had a direction, however + undetermined, in which to project my apprehension, the very sense of + danger and need of action overcame that stifling which is the worst + property of fear. I reflected in a moment, that if this were indeed a + shadow, it was useless to look for the object that cast it in any other + direction than between the shadow and the moon. I looked, and peered, and + intensified my vision, all to no purpose. I could see nothing of that + kind, not even an ash-tree in the neighbourhood. Still the shadow + remained; not steady, but moving to and fro, and once I saw the fingers + close, and grind themselves close, like the claws of a wild animal, as if + in uncontrollable longing for some anticipated prey. There seemed but one + mode left of discovering the substance of this shadow. I went forward + boldly, though with an inward shudder which I would not heed, to the spot + where the shadow lay, threw myself on the ground, laid my head within the + form of the hand, and turned my eyes towards the moon Good heavens! what + did I see? I wonder that ever I arose, and that the very shadow of the + hand did not hold me where I lay until fear had frozen my brain. I saw the + strangest figure; vague, shadowy, almost transparent, in the central + parts, and gradually deepening in substance towards the outside, until it + ended in extremities capable of casting such a shadow as fell from the + hand, through the awful fingers of which I now saw the moon. The hand was + uplifted in the attitude of a paw about to strike its prey. But the face, + which throbbed with fluctuating and pulsatory visibility—not from + changes in the light it reflected, but from changes in its own conditions + of reflecting power, the alterations being from within, not from without—it + was horrible. I do not know how to describe it. It caused a new sensation. + Just as one cannot translate a horrible odour, or a ghastly pain, or a + fearful sound, into words, so I cannot describe this new form of awful + hideousness. I can only try to describe something that is not it, but + seems somewhat parallel to it; or at least is suggested by it. It reminded + me of what I had heard of vampires; for the face resembled that of a + corpse more than anything else I can think of; especially when I can + conceive such a face in motion, but not suggesting any life as the source + of the motion. The features were rather handsome than otherwise, except + the mouth, which had scarcely a curve in it. The lips were of equal + thickness; but the thickness was not at all remarkable, even although they + looked slightly swollen. They seemed fixedly open, but were not wide + apart. Of course I did not <i>remark</i> these lineaments at the time: I was too + horrified for that. I noted them afterwards, when the form returned on my + inward sight with a vividness too intense to admit of my doubting the + accuracy of the reflex. But the most awful of the features were the eyes. + These were alive, yet not with life. + </p> + <p> + They seemed lighted up with an infinite greed. A gnawing voracity, which + devoured the devourer, seemed to be the indwelling and propelling power of + the whole ghostly apparition. I lay for a few moments simply imbruted with + terror; when another cloud, obscuring the moon, delivered me from the + immediately paralysing effects of the presence to the vision of the object + of horror, while it added the force of imagination to the power of fear + within me; inasmuch as, knowing far worse cause for apprehension than + before, I remained equally ignorant from what I had to defend myself, or + how to take any precautions: he might be upon me in the darkness any + moment. I sprang to my feet, and sped I knew not whither, only away from + the spectre. I thought no longer of the path, and often narrowly escaped + dashing myself against a tree, in my headlong flight of fear. + </p> + <p> + Great drops of rain began to patter on the leaves. Thunder began to + mutter, then growl in the distance. I ran on. The rain fell heavier. At + length the thick leaves could hold it up no longer; and, like a second + firmament, they poured their torrents on the earth. I was soon drenched, + but that was nothing. I came to a small swollen stream that rushed through + the woods. I had a vague hope that if I crossed this stream, I should be + in safety from my pursuer; but I soon found that my hope was as false as + it was vague. I dashed across the stream, ascended a rising ground, and + reached a more open space, where stood only great trees. Through them I + directed my way, holding eastward as nearly as I could guess, but not at + all certain that I was not moving in an opposite direction. My mind was + just reviving a little from its extreme terror, when, suddenly, a flash of + lightning, or rather a cataract of successive flashes, behind me, seemed + to throw on the ground in front of me, but far more faintly than before, + from the extent of the source of the light, the shadow of the same + horrible hand. I sprang forward, stung to yet wilder speed; but had not + run many steps before my foot slipped, and, vainly attempting to recover + myself, I fell at the foot of one of the large trees. Half-stunned, I yet + raised myself, and almost involuntarily looked back. All I saw was the + hand within three feet of my face. But, at the same moment, I felt two + large soft arms thrown round me from behind; and a voice like a woman’s + said: “Do not fear the goblin; he dares not hurt you now.” With that, the + hand was suddenly withdrawn as from a fire, and disappeared in the + darkness and the rain. Overcome with the mingling of terror and joy, I lay + for some time almost insensible. The first thing I remember is the sound + of a voice above me, full and low, and strangely reminding me of the sound + of a gentle wind amidst the leaves of a great tree. It murmured over and + over again: “I may love him, I may love him; for he is a man, and I am + only a beech-tree.” I found I was seated on the ground, leaning against a + human form, and supported still by the arms around me, which I knew to be + those of a woman who must be rather above the human size, and largely + proportioned. I turned my head, but without moving otherwise, for I feared + lest the arms should untwine themselves; and clear, somewhat mournful eyes + met mine. At least that is how they impressed me; but I could see very + little of colour or outline as we sat in the dark and rainy shadow of the + tree. The face seemed very lovely, and solemn from its stillness; with the + aspect of one who is quite content, but waiting for something. I saw my + conjecture from her arms was correct: she was above the human scale + throughout, but not greatly. + </p> + <p> + “Why do you call yourself a beech-tree?” I said. + </p> + <p> + “Because I am one,” she replied, in the same low, musical, murmuring + voice. + </p> + <p> + “You are a woman,” I returned. + </p> + <p> + “Do you think so? Am I very like a woman then?” + </p> + <p> + “You are a very beautiful woman. Is it possible you should not know it?” + </p> + <p> + “I am very glad you think so. I fancy I feel like a woman sometimes. I do + so to-night—and always when the rain drips from my hair. For there + is an old prophecy in our woods that one day we shall all be men and women + like you. Do you know anything about it in your region? Shall I be very + happy when I am a woman? I fear not, for it is always in nights like these + that I feel like one. But I long to be a woman for all that.” + </p> + <p> + I had let her talk on, for her voice was like a solution of all musical + sounds. I now told her that I could hardly say whether women were happy or + not. I knew one who had not been happy; and for my part, I had often + longed for Fairy Land, as she now longed for the world of men. But then + neither of us had lived long, and perhaps people grew happier as they grew + older. Only I doubted it. + </p> + <p> + I could not help sighing. She felt the sigh, for her arms were still round + me. She asked me how old I was. + </p> + <p> + “Twenty-one,” said I. + </p> + <p> + “Why, you baby!” said she, and kissed me with the sweetest kiss of winds + and odours. There was a cool faithfulness in the kiss that revived my + heart wonderfully. I felt that I feared the dreadful Ash no more. + </p> + <p> + “What did the horrible Ash want with me?” I said. + </p> + <p> + “I am not quite sure, but I think he wants to bury you at the foot of his + tree. But he shall not touch you, my child.” + </p> + <p> + “Are all the ash-trees as dreadful as he?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no. They are all disagreeable selfish creatures—(what horrid + men they will make, if it be true!)—but this one has a hole in his + heart that nobody knows of but one or two; and he is always trying to fill + it up, but he cannot. That must be what he wanted you for. I wonder if he + will ever be a man. If he is, I hope they will kill him.” + </p> + <p> + “How kind of you to save me from him!” + </p> + <p> + “I will take care that he shall not come near you again. But there are + some in the wood more like me, from whom, alas! I cannot protect you. Only + if you see any of them very beautiful, try to walk round them.” + </p> + <p> + “What then?” + </p> + <p> + “I cannot tell you more. But now I must tie some of my hair about you, and + then the Ash will not touch you. Here, cut some off. You men have strange + cutting things about you.” + </p> + <p> + She shook her long hair loose over me, never moving her arms. + </p> + <p> + “I cannot cut your beautiful hair. It would be a shame.” + </p> + <p> + “Not cut my hair! It will have grown long enough before any is wanted + again in this wild forest. Perhaps it may never be of any use again—not + till I am a woman.” And she sighed. + </p> + <p> + As gently as I could, I cut with a knife a long tress of flowing, dark + hair, she hanging her beautiful head over me. When I had finished, she + shuddered and breathed deep, as one does when an acute pain, steadfastly + endured without sign of suffering, is at length relaxed. She then took the + hair and tied it round me, singing a strange, sweet song, which I could + not understand, but which left in me a feeling like this— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “I saw thee ne’er before; + I see thee never more; + But love, and help, and pain, beautiful one, + Have made thee mine, till all my years are done.” + </pre> + <p> + I cannot put more of it into words. She closed her arms about me again, + and went on singing. The rain in the leaves, and a light wind that had + arisen, kept her song company. I was wrapt in a trance of still delight. + It told me the secret of the woods, and the flowers, and the birds. At one + time I felt as if I was wandering in childhood through sunny spring + forests, over carpets of primroses, anemones, and little white starry + things—I had almost said creatures, and finding new wonderful + flowers at every turn. At another, I lay half dreaming in the hot summer + noon, with a book of old tales beside me, beneath a great beech; or, in + autumn, grew sad because I trod on the leaves that had sheltered me, and + received their last blessing in the sweet odours of decay; or, in a winter + evening, frozen still, looked up, as I went home to a warm fireside, + through the netted boughs and twigs to the cold, snowy moon, with her opal + zone around her. At last I had fallen asleep; for I know nothing more that + passed till I found myself lying under a superb beech-tree, in the clear + light of the morning, just before sunrise. Around me was a girdle of fresh + beech-leaves. Alas! I brought nothing with me out of Fairy Land, but + memories—memories. The great boughs of the beech hung drooping + around me. At my head rose its smooth stem, with its great sweeps of + curving surface that swelled like undeveloped limbs. The leaves and + branches above kept on the song which had sung me asleep; only now, to my + mind, it sounded like a farewell and a speedwell. I sat a long time, + unwilling to go; but my unfinished story urged me on. I must act and + wander. With the sun well risen, I rose, and put my arms as far as they + would reach around the beech-tree, and kissed it, and said good-bye. A + trembling went through the leaves; a few of the last drops of the night’s + rain fell from off them at my feet; and as I walked slowly away, I seemed + to hear in a whisper once more the words: “I may love him, I may love him; + for he is a man, and I am only a beech-tree.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER V + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “And she was smooth and full, as if one gush + Of life had washed her, or as if a sleep + Lay on her eyelid, easier to sweep + Than bee from daisy.” + BEDDOIS’ <i>Pygmalion</i>. + + “Sche was as whyt as lylye yn May, + Or snow that sneweth yn wynterys day.” + <i>Romance of Sir Launfal</i>. +</pre> + <p> + I walked on, in the fresh morning air, as if new-born. The only thing that + damped my pleasure was a cloud of something between sorrow and delight + that crossed my mind with the frequently returning thought of my last + night’s hostess. “But then,” thought I, “if she is sorry, I could not help + it; and she has all the pleasures she ever had. Such a day as this is + surely a joy to her, as much at least as to me. And her life will perhaps + be the richer, for holding now within it the memory of what came, but + could not stay. And if ever she is a woman, who knows but we may meet + somewhere? there is plenty of room for meeting in the universe.” + Comforting myself thus, yet with a vague compunction, as if I ought not to + have left her, I went on. There was little to distinguish the woods to-day + from those of my own land; except that all the wild things, rabbits, + birds, squirrels, mice, and the numberless other inhabitants, were very + tame; that is, they did not run away from me, but gazed at me as I passed, + frequently coming nearer, as if to examine me more closely. Whether this + came from utter ignorance, or from familiarity with the human appearance + of beings who never hurt them, I could not tell. As I stood once, looking + up to the splendid flower of a parasite, which hung from the branch of a + tree over my head, a large white rabbit cantered slowly up, put one of its + little feet on one of mine, and looked up at me with its red eyes, just as + I had been looking up at the flower above me. I stooped and stroked it; + but when I attempted to lift it, it banged the ground with its hind feet + and scampered off at a great rate, turning, however, to look at me several + times before I lost sight of it. Now and then, too, a dim human figure + would appear and disappear, at some distance, amongst the trees, moving + like a sleep-walker. But no one ever came near me. + </p> + <p> + This day I found plenty of food in the forest—strange nuts and + fruits I had never seen before. I hesitated to eat them; but argued that, + if I could live on the air of Fairy Land, I could live on its food also. I + found my reasoning correct, and the result was better than I had hoped; + for it not only satisfied my hunger, but operated in such a way upon my + senses that I was brought into far more complete relationship with the + things around me. The human forms appeared much more dense and defined; + more tangibly visible, if I may say so. I seemed to know better which + direction to choose when any doubt arose. I began to feel in some degree + what the birds meant in their songs, though I could not express it in + words, any more than you can some landscapes. At times, to my surprise, I + found myself listening attentively, and as if it were no unusual thing + with me, to a conversation between two squirrels or monkeys. The subjects + were not very interesting, except as associated with the individual life + and necessities of the little creatures: where the best nuts were to be + found in the neighbourhood, and who could crack them best, or who had most + laid up for the winter, and such like; only they never said where the + store was. There was no great difference in kind between their talk and + our ordinary human conversation. Some of the creatures I never heard speak + at all, and believe they never do so, except under the impulse of some + great excitement. The mice talked; but the hedgehogs seemed very + phlegmatic; and though I met a couple of moles above ground several times, + they never said a word to each other in my hearing. There were no wild + beasts in the forest; at least, I did not see one larger than a wild cat. + There were plenty of snakes, however, and I do not think they were all + harmless; but none ever bit me. + </p> + <p> + Soon after mid-day I arrived at a bare rocky hill, of no great size, but + very steep; and having no trees—scarcely even a bush—upon it, + entirely exposed to the heat of the sun. Over this my way seemed to lie, + and I immediately began the ascent. On reaching the top, hot and weary, I + looked around me, and saw that the forest still stretched as far as the + sight could reach on every side of me. I observed that the trees, in the + direction in which I was about to descend, did not come so near the foot + of the hill as on the other side, and was especially regretting the + unexpected postponement of shelter, because this side of the hill seemed + more difficult to descend than the other had been to climb, when my eye + caught the appearance of a natural path, winding down through broken rocks + and along the course of a tiny stream, which I hoped would lead me more + easily to the foot. I tried it, and found the descent not at all + laborious; nevertheless, when I reached the bottom, I was very tired and + exhausted with the heat. But just where the path seemed to end, rose a + great rock, quite overgrown with shrubs and creeping plants, some of them + in full and splendid blossom: these almost concealed an opening in the + rock, into which the path appeared to lead. I entered, thirsting for the + shade which it promised. What was my delight to find a rocky cell, all the + angles rounded away with rich moss, and every ledge and projection crowded + with lovely ferns, the variety of whose forms, and groupings, and shades + wrought in me like a poem; for such a harmony could not exist, except they + all consented to some one end! A little well of the clearest water filled + a mossy hollow in one corner. I drank, and felt as if I knew what the + elixir of life must be; then threw myself on a mossy mound that lay like a + couch along the inner end. Here I lay in a delicious reverie for some + time; during which all lovely forms, and colours, and sounds seemed to use + my brain as a common hall, where they could come and go, unbidden and + unexcused. I had never imagined that such capacity for simple happiness + lay in me, as was now awakened by this assembly of forms and spiritual + sensations, which yet were far too vague to admit of being translated into + any shape common to my own and another mind. I had lain for an hour, I + should suppose, though it may have been far longer, when, the harmonious + tumult in my mind having somewhat relaxed, I became aware that my eyes + were fixed on a strange, time-worn bas-relief on the rock opposite to me. + This, after some pondering, I concluded to represent Pygmalion, as he + awaited the quickening of his statue. The sculptor sat more rigid than the + figure to which his eyes were turned. That seemed about to step from its + pedestal and embrace the man, who waited rather than expected. + </p> + <p> + “A lovely story,” I said to myself. “This cave, now, with the bushes cut + away from the entrance to let the light in, might be such a place as he + would choose, withdrawn from the notice of men, to set up his block of + marble, and mould into a visible body the thought already clothed with + form in the unseen hall of the sculptor’s brain. And, indeed, if I mistake + not,” I said, starting up, as a sudden ray of light arrived at that moment + through a crevice in the roof, and lighted up a small portion of the rock, + bare of vegetation, “this very rock is marble, white enough and delicate + enough for any statue, even if destined to become an ideal woman in the + arms of the sculptor.” + </p> + <p> + I took my knife and removed the moss from a part of the block on which I + had been lying; when, to my surprise, I found it more like alabaster than + ordinary marble, and soft to the edge of the knife. In fact, it was + alabaster. By an inexplicable, though by no means unusual kind of impulse, + I went on removing the moss from the surface of the stone; and soon saw + that it was polished, or at least smooth, throughout. I continued my + labour; and after clearing a space of about a couple of square feet, I + observed what caused me to prosecute the work with more interest and care + than before. For the ray of sunlight had now reached the spot I had + cleared, and under its lustre the alabaster revealed its usual slight + transparency when polished, except where my knife had scratched the + surface; and I observed that the transparency seemed to have a definite + limit, and to end upon an opaque body like the more solid, white marble. I + was careful to scratch no more. And first, a vague anticipation gave way + to a startling sense of possibility; then, as I proceeded, one revelation + after another produced the entrancing conviction, that under the crust of + alabaster lay a dimly visible form in marble, but whether of man or woman + I could not yet tell. I worked on as rapidly as the necessary care would + permit; and when I had uncovered the whole mass, and rising from my knees, + had retreated a little way, so that the effect of the whole might fall on + me, I saw before me with sufficient plainness—though at the same + time with considerable indistinctness, arising from the limited amount of + light the place admitted, as well as from the nature of the object itself—a + block of pure alabaster enclosing the form, apparently in marble, of a + reposing woman. She lay on one side, with her hand under her cheek, and + her face towards me; but her hair had fallen partly over her face, so that + I could not see the expression of the whole. What I did see appeared to me + perfectly lovely; more near the face that had been born with me in my + soul, than anything I had seen before in nature or art. The actual + outlines of the rest of the form were so indistinct, that the more than + semi-opacity of the alabaster seemed insufficient to account for the fact; + and I conjectured that a light robe added its obscurity. Numberless + histories passed through my mind of change of substance from enchantment + and other causes, and of imprisonments such as this before me. I thought + of the Prince of the Enchanted City, half marble and half a man; of Ariel; + of Niobe; of the Sleeping Beauty in the Wood; of the bleeding trees; and + many other histories. Even my adventure of the preceding evening with the + lady of the beech-tree contributed to arouse the wild hope, that by some + means life might be given to this form also, and that, breaking from her + alabaster tomb, she might glorify my eyes with her presence. “For,” I + argued, “who can tell but this cave may be the home of Marble, and this, + essential Marble—that spirit of marble which, present throughout, + makes it capable of being moulded into any form? Then if she should awake! + But how to awake her? A kiss awoke the Sleeping Beauty! a kiss cannot + reach her through the incrusting alabaster.” I kneeled, however, and + kissed the pale coffin; but she slept on. I bethought me of Orpheus, and + the following stones—that trees should follow his music seemed + nothing surprising now. Might not a song awake this form, that the glory + of motion might for a time displace the loveliness of rest? Sweet sounds + can go where kisses may not enter. I sat and thought. Now, although always + delighting in music, I had never been gifted with the power of song, until + I entered the fairy forest. I had a voice, and I had a true sense of + sound; but when I tried to sing, the one would not content the other, and + so I remained silent. This morning, however, I had found myself, ere I was + aware, rejoicing in a song; but whether it was before or after I had eaten + of the fruits of the forest, I could not satisfy myself. I concluded it + was after, however; and that the increased impulse to sing I now felt, was + in part owing to having drunk of the little well, which shone like a + brilliant eye in a corner of the cave. I sat down on the ground by the + “antenatal tomb,” leaned upon it with my face towards the head of the + figure within, and sang—the words and tones coming together, and + inseparably connected, as if word and tone formed one thing; or, as if + each word could be uttered only in that tone, and was incapable of + distinction from it, except in idea, by an acute analysis. I sang + something like this: but the words are only a dull representation of a + state whose very elevation precluded the possibility of remembrance; and + in which I presume the words really employed were as far above these, as + that state transcended this wherein I recall it: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Marble woman, vainly sleeping + In the very death of dreams! + Wilt thou—slumber from thee sweeping, + All but what with vision teems— + Hear my voice come through the golden + Mist of memory and hope; + And with shadowy smile embolden + Me with primal Death to cope? + + “Thee the sculptors all pursuing, + Have embodied but their own; + Round their visions, form enduring, + Marble vestments thou hast thrown; + But thyself, in silence winding, + Thou hast kept eternally; + Thee they found not, many finding— + I have found thee: wake for me.” + </pre> + <p> + As I sang, I looked earnestly at the face so vaguely revealed before me. I + fancied, yet believed it to be but fancy, that through the dim veil of the + alabaster, I saw a motion of the head as if caused by a sinking sigh. I + gazed more earnestly, and concluded that it was but fancy. Neverthless I + could not help singing again— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Rest is now filled full of beauty, + And can give thee up, I ween; + Come thou forth, for other duty + Motion pineth for her queen. + + “Or, if needing years to wake thee + From thy slumbrous solitudes, + Come, sleep-walking, and betake thee + To the friendly, sleeping woods. + + Sweeter dreams are in the forest, + Round thee storms would never rave; + And when need of rest is sorest, + Glide thou then into thy cave. + + “Or, if still thou choosest rather + Marble, be its spell on me; + Let thy slumber round me gather, + Let another dream with thee!” + </pre> + <p> + Again I paused, and gazed through the stony shroud, as if, by very force + of penetrative sight, I would clear every lineament of the lovely face. + And now I thought the hand that had lain under the cheek, had slipped a + little downward. But then I could not be sure that I had at first observed + its position accurately. So I sang again; for the longing had grown into a + passionate need of seeing her alive— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Or art thou Death, O woman? for since I + Have set me singing by thy side, + Life hath forsook the upper sky, + And all the outer world hath died. + + “Yea, I am dead; for thou hast drawn + My life all downward unto thee. + Dead moon of love! let twilight dawn: + Awake! and let the darkness flee. + + “Cold lady of the lovely stone! + Awake! or I shall perish here; + And thou be never more alone, + My form and I for ages near. + + “But words are vain; reject them all— + They utter but a feeble part: + Hear thou the depths from which they call, + The voiceless longing of my heart.” + </pre> + <p> + There arose a slightly crashing sound. Like a sudden apparition that comes + and is gone, a white form, veiled in a light robe of whiteness, burst + upwards from the stone, stood, glided forth, and gleamed away towards the + woods. For I followed to the mouth of the cave, as soon as the amazement + and concentration of delight permitted the nerves of motion again to act; + and saw the white form amidst the trees, as it crossed a little glade on + the edge of the forest where the sunlight fell full, seeming to gather + with intenser radiance on the one object that floated rather than flitted + through its lake of beams. I gazed after her in a kind of despair; found, + freed, lost! It seemed useless to follow, yet follow I must. I marked the + direction she took; and without once looking round to the forsaken cave, I + hastened towards the forest. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER VI + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Ah, let a man beware, when his wishes, fulfilled, rain down + upon him, and his happiness is unbounded.” + —FOUQUE, <i>Der Zauberring</i>. + + “Thy red lips, like worms, + Travel over my cheek.” + —MOTHERWELL. +</pre> + <p> + But as I crossed the space between the foot of the hill and the forest, a + vision of another kind delayed my steps. Through an opening to the + westward flowed, like a stream, the rays of the setting sun, and + overflowed with a ruddy splendour the open space where I was. And riding + as it were down this stream towards me, came a horseman in what appeared + red armour. From frontlet to tail, the horse likewise shone red in the + sunset. I felt as if I must have seen the knight before; but as he drew + near, I could recall no feature of his countenance. Ere he came up to me, + however, I remembered the legend of Sir Percival in the rusty armour, + which I had left unfinished in the old book in the cottage: it was of Sir + Percival that he reminded me. And no wonder; for when he came close up to + me, I saw that, from crest to heel, the whole surface of his armour was + covered with a light rust. The golden spurs shone, but the iron greaves + glowed in the sunlight. The <i>morning star</i>, which hung from his wrist, + glittered and glowed with its silver and bronze. His whole appearance was + terrible; but his face did not answer to this appearance. It was sad, even + to gloominess; and something of shame seemed to cover it. Yet it was noble + and high, though thus beclouded; and the form looked lofty, although the + head drooped, and the whole frame was bowed as with an inward grief. The + horse seemed to share in his master’s dejection, and walked spiritless and + slow. I noticed, too, that the white plume on his helmet was discoloured + and drooping. “He has fallen in a joust with spears,” I said to myself; + “yet it becomes not a noble knight to be conquered in spirit because his + body hath fallen.” He appeared not to observe me, for he was riding past + without looking up, and started into a warlike attitude the moment the + first sound of my voice reached him. Then a flush, as of shame, covered + all of his face that the lifted beaver disclosed. He returned my greeting + with distant courtesy, and passed on. But suddenly, he reined up, sat a + moment still, and then turning his horse, rode back to where I stood + looking after him. + </p> + <p> + “I am ashamed,” he said, “to appear a knight, and in such a guise; but it + behoves me to tell you to take warning from me, lest the same evil, in his + kind, overtake the singer that has befallen the knight. Hast thou ever + read the story of Sir Percival and the”—(here he shuddered, that his + armour rang)—“Maiden of the Alder-tree?” + </p> + <p> + “In part, I have,” said I; “for yesterday, at the entrance of this forest, + I found in a cottage the volume wherein it is recorded.” “Then take heed,” + he rejoined; “for, see my armour—I put it off; and as it befell to + him, so has it befallen to me. I that was proud am humble now. Yet is she + terribly beautiful—beware. Never,” he added, raising his head, + “shall this armour be furbished, but by the blows of knightly encounter, + until the last speck has disappeared from every spot where the battle-axe + and sword of evil-doers, or noble foes, might fall; when I shall again + lift my head, and say to my squire, ‘Do thy duty once more, and make this + armour shine.’” + </p> + <p> + Before I could inquire further, he had struck spurs into his horse and + galloped away, shrouded from my voice in the noise of his armour. For I + called after him, anxious to know more about this fearful enchantress; but + in vain—he heard me not. “Yet,” I said to myself, “I have now been + often warned; surely I shall be well on my guard; and I am fully resolved + I shall not be ensnared by any beauty, however beautiful. Doubtless, some + one man may escape, and I shall be he.” So I went on into the wood, still + hoping to find, in some one of its mysterious recesses, my lost lady of + the marble. The sunny afternoon died into the loveliest twilight. Great + bats began to flit about with their own noiseless flight, seemingly + purposeless, because its objects are unseen. The monotonous music of the + owl issued from all unexpected quarters in the half-darkness around me. + The glow-worm was alight here and there, burning out into the great + universe. The night-hawk heightened all the harmony and stillness with his + oft-recurring, discordant jar. Numberless unknown sounds came out of the + unknown dusk; but all were of twilight-kind, oppressing the heart as with + a condensed atmosphere of dreamy undefined love and longing. The odours of + night arose, and bathed me in that luxurious mournfulness peculiar to + them, as if the plants whence they floated had been watered with bygone + tears. Earth drew me towards her bosom; I felt as if I could fall down and + kiss her. I forgot I was in Fairy Land, and seemed to be walking in a + perfect night of our own old nursing earth. Great stems rose about me, + uplifting a thick multitudinous roof above me of branches, and twigs, and + leaves—the bird and insect world uplifted over mine, with its own + landscapes, its own thickets, and paths, and glades, and dwellings; its + own bird-ways and insect-delights. Great boughs crossed my path; great + roots based the tree-columns, and mightily clasped the earth, strong to + lift and strong to uphold. It seemed an old, old forest, perfect in forest + ways and pleasures. And when, in the midst of this ecstacy, I remembered + that under some close canopy of leaves, by some giant stem, or in some + mossy cave, or beside some leafy well, sat the lady of the marble, whom my + songs had called forth into the outer world, waiting (might it not be?) to + meet and thank her deliverer in a twilight which would veil her confusion, + the whole night became one dream-realm of joy, the central form of which + was everywhere present, although unbeheld. Then, remembering how my songs + seemed to have called her from the marble, piercing through the pearly + shroud of alabaster—“Why,” thought I, “should not my voice reach her + now, through the ebon night that inwraps her.” My voice burst into song so + spontaneously that it seemed involuntarily. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Not a sound + But, echoing in me, + Vibrates all around + With a blind delight, + Till it breaks on Thee, + Queen of Night! + + Every tree, + O’ershadowing with gloom, + Seems to cover thee + Secret, dark, love-still’d, + In a holy room + Silence-filled. + + “Let no moon + Creep up the heaven to-night; + I in darksome noon + Walking hopefully, + Seek my shrouded light— + Grope for thee! + + “Darker grow + The borders of the dark! + Through the branches glow, + From the roof above, + Star and diamond-sparks + Light for love.” + </pre> + <p> + Scarcely had the last sounds floated away from the hearing of my own ears, + when I heard instead a low delicious laugh near me. It was not the laugh + of one who would not be heard, but the laugh of one who has just received + something long and patiently desired—a laugh that ends in a low + musical moan. I started, and, turning sideways, saw a dim white figure + seated beside an intertwining thicket of smaller trees and underwood. + </p> + <p> + “It is my white lady!” I said, and flung myself on the ground beside her; + striving, through the gathering darkness, to get a glimpse of the form + which had broken its marble prison at my call. + </p> + <p> + “It is your white lady!” said the sweetest voice, in reply, sending a + thrill of speechless delight through a heart which all the love-charms of + the preceding day and evening had been tempering for this culminating + hour. Yet, if I would have confessed it, there was something either in the + sound of the voice, although it seemed sweetness itself, or else in this + yielding which awaited no gradation of gentle approaches, that did not + vibrate harmoniously with the beat of my inward music. And likewise, when, + taking her hand in mine, I drew closer to her, looking for the beauty of + her face, which, indeed, I found too plenteously, a cold shiver ran + through me; but “it is the marble,” I said to myself, and heeded it not. + </p> + <p> + She withdrew her hand from mine, and after that would scarce allow me to + touch her. It seemed strange, after the fulness of her first greeting, + that she could not trust me to come close to her. Though her words were + those of a lover, she kept herself withdrawn as if a mile of space + interposed between us. + </p> + <p> + “Why did you run away from me when you woke in the cave?” I said. + </p> + <p> + “Did I?” she returned. “That was very unkind of me; but I did not know + better.” + </p> + <p> + “I wish I could see you. The night is very dark.” + </p> + <p> + “So it is. Come to my grotto. There is light there.” + </p> + <p> + “Have you another cave, then?” + </p> + <p> + “Come and see.” + </p> + <p> + But she did not move until I rose first, and then she was on her feet + before I could offer my hand to help her. She came close to my side, and + conducted me through the wood. But once or twice, when, involuntarily + almost, I was about to put my arm around her as we walked on through the + warm gloom, she sprang away several paces, always keeping her face full + towards me, and then stood looking at me, slightly stooping, in the + attitude of one who fears some half-seen enemy. It was too dark to discern + the expression of her face. Then she would return and walk close beside me + again, as if nothing had happened. I thought this strange; but, besides + that I had almost, as I said before, given up the attempt to account for + appearances in Fairy Land, I judged that it would be very unfair to expect + from one who had slept so long and had been so suddenly awakened, a + behaviour correspondent to what I might unreflectingly look for. I knew + not what she might have been dreaming about. Besides, it was possible + that, while her words were free, her sense of touch might be exquisitely + delicate. + </p> +<p> +At length, after walking a long way in the woods, we arrived at another +thicket, through the intertexture of which was glimmering a pale rosy +light. +</p> +<p> +“Push aside the branches,” she said, “and make room for us to +enter.” + </p> + <p> + I did as she told me. + </p> + <p> + “Go in,” she said; “I will follow you.” + </p> + <p> + I did as she desired, and found myself in a little cave, not very unlike + the marble cave. It was festooned and draperied with all kinds of green + that cling to shady rocks. In the furthest corner, half-hidden in leaves, + through which it glowed, mingling lovely shadows between them, burned a + bright rosy flame on a little earthen lamp. The lady glided round by the + wall from behind me, still keeping her face towards me, and seated herself + in the furthest corner, with her back to the lamp, which she hid + completely from my view. I then saw indeed a form of perfect loveliness + before me. Almost it seemed as if the light of the rose-lamp shone through + her (for it could not be reflected from her); such a delicate shade of + pink seemed to shadow what in itself must be a marbly whiteness of hue. I + discovered afterwards, however, that there was one thing in it I did not + like; which was, that the white part of the eye was tinged with the same + slight roseate hue as the rest of the form. It is strange that I cannot + recall her features; but they, as well as her somewhat girlish figure, + left on me simply and only the impression of intense loveliness. I lay + down at her feet, and gazed up into her face as I lay. She began, and told + me a strange tale, which, likewise, I cannot recollect; but which, at + every turn and every pause, somehow or other fixed my eyes and thoughts + upon her extreme beauty; seeming always to culminate in something that had + a relation, revealed or hidden, but always operative, with her own + loveliness. I lay entranced. It was a tale which brings back a feeling as + of snows and tempests; torrents and water-sprites; lovers parted for long, + and meeting at last; with a gorgeous summer night to close up the whole. I + listened till she and I were blended with the tale; till she and I were + the whole history. And we had met at last in this same cave of greenery, + while the summer night hung round us heavy with love, and the odours that + crept through the silence from the sleeping woods were the only signs of + an outer world that invaded our solitude. What followed I cannot clearly + remember. The succeeding horror almost obliterated it. I woke as a grey + dawn stole into the cave. The damsel had disappeared; but in the + shrubbery, at the mouth of the cave, stood a strange horrible object. It + looked like an open coffin set up on one end; only that the part for the + head and neck was defined from the shoulder-part. In fact, it was a rough + representation of the human frame, only hollow, as if made of decaying + bark torn from a tree. + </p> + <p> + It had arms, which were only slightly seamed, down from the shoulder-blade + by the elbow, as if the bark had healed again from the cut of a knife. But + the arms moved, and the hand and the fingers were tearing asunder a long + silky tress of hair. The thing turned round—it had for a face and + front those of my enchantress, but now of a pale greenish hue in the light + of the morning, and with dead lustreless eyes. In the horror of the + moment, another fear invaded me. I put my hand to my waist, and found + indeed that my girdle of beech-leaves was gone. Hair again in her hands, + she was tearing it fiercely. Once more, as she turned, she laughed a low + laugh, but now full of scorn and derision; and then she said, as if to a + companion with whom she had been talking while I slept, “There he is; you + can take him now.” I lay still, petrified with dismay and fear; for I now + saw another figure beside her, which, although vague and indistinct, I yet + recognised but too well. It was the Ash-tree. My beauty was the Maid of + the Alder! and she was giving me, spoiled of my only availing defence, + into the hands of my awful foe. The Ash bent his Gorgon-head, and entered + the cave. I could not stir. He drew near me. His ghoul-eyes and his + ghastly face fascinated me. He came stooping, with the hideous hand + outstretched, like a beast of prey. I had given myself up to a death of + unfathomable horror, when, suddenly, and just as he was on the point of + seizing me, the dull, heavy blow of an axe echoed through the wood, + followed by others in quick repetition. The Ash shuddered and groaned, + withdrew the outstretched hand, retreated backwards to the mouth of the + cave, then turned and disappeared amongst the trees. The other walking + Death looked at me once, with a careless dislike on her beautifully + moulded features; then, heedless any more to conceal her hollow deformity, + turned her frightful back and likewise vanished amid the green obscurity + without. I lay and wept. The Maid of the Alder-tree had befooled me—nearly + slain me—in spite of all the warnings I had received from those who + knew my danger. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER VII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Fight on, my men, Sir Andrew sayes, + A little I am hurt, but yett not slaine; + I’le but lye downe and bleede awhile, + And then I’le rise and fight againe.” + Ballad <i>of Sir Andrew Barton</i>. +</pre> + <p> + But I could not remain where I was any longer, though the daylight was + hateful to me, and the thought of the great, innocent, bold sunrise + unendurable. Here there was no well to cool my face, smarting with the + bitterness of my own tears. Nor would I have washed in the well of that + grotto, had it flowed clear as the rivers of Paradise. I rose, and feebly + left the sepulchral cave. I took my way I knew not whither, but still + towards the sunrise. The birds were singing; but not for me. All the + creatures spoke a language of their own, with which I had nothing to do, + and to which I cared not to find the key any more. + </p> + <p> + I walked listlessly along. What distressed me most—more even than my + own folly—was the perplexing question, How can beauty and ugliness + dwell so near? Even with her altered complexion and her face of dislike; + disenchanted of the belief that clung around her; known for a living, + walking sepulchre, faithless, deluding, traitorous; I felt notwithstanding + all this, that she was beautiful. Upon this I pondered with undiminished + perplexity, though not without some gain. Then I began to make surmises as + to the mode of my deliverance; and concluded that some hero, wandering in + search of adventure, had heard how the forest was infested; and, knowing + it was useless to attack the evil thing in person, had assailed with his + battle-axe the body in which he dwelt, and on which he was dependent for + his power of mischief in the wood. “Very likely,” I thought, “the + repentant-knight, who warned me of the evil which has befallen me, was + busy retrieving his lost honour, while I was sinking into the same sorrow + with himself; and, hearing of the dangerous and mysterious being, arrived + at his tree in time to save me from being dragged to its roots, and buried + like carrion, to nourish him for yet deeper insatiableness.” I found + afterwards that my conjecture was correct. I wondered how he had fared + when his blows recalled the Ash himself, and that too I learned + afterwards. + </p> + <p> + I walked on the whole day, with intervals of rest, but without food; for I + could not have eaten, had any been offered me; till, in the afternoon, I + seemed to approach the outskirts of the forest, and at length arrived at a + farm-house. An unspeakable joy arose in my heart at beholding an abode of + human beings once more, and I hastened up to the door, and knocked. A + kind-looking, matronly woman, still handsome, made her appearance; who, as + soon as she saw me, said kindly, “Ah, my poor boy, you have come from the + wood! Were you in it last night?” + </p> + <p> + I should have ill endured, the day before, to be called <i>boy</i>; but now the + motherly kindness of the word went to my heart; and, like a boy indeed, I + burst into tears. She soothed me right gently; and, leading me into a + room, made me lie down on a settle, while she went to find me some + refreshment. She soon returned with food, but I could not eat. She almost + compelled me to swallow some wine, when I revived sufficiently to be able + to answer some of her questions. I told her the whole story. + </p> + <p> + “It is just as I feared,” she said; “but you are now for the night beyond + the reach of any of these dreadful creatures. It is no wonder they could + delude a child like you. But I must beg you, when my husband comes in, not + to say a word about these things; for he thinks me even half crazy for + believing anything of the sort. But I must believe my senses, as he cannot + believe beyond his, which give him no intimations of this kind. I think he + could spend the whole of Midsummer-eve in the wood and come back with the + report that he saw nothing worse than himself. Indeed, good man, he would + hardly find anything better than himself, if he had seven more senses + given him.” + </p> + <p> + “But tell me how it is that she could be so beautiful without any heart at + all—without any place even for a heart to live in.” + </p> + <p> + “I cannot quite tell,” she said; “but I am sure she would not look so + beautiful if she did not take means to make herself look more beautiful + than she is. And then, you know, you began by being in love with her + before you saw her beauty, mistaking her for the lady of the marble—another + kind altogether, I should think. But the chief thing that makes her + beautiful is this: that, although she loves no man, she loves the love of + any man; and when she finds one in her power, her desire to bewitch him + and gain his love (not for the sake of his love either, but that she may + be conscious anew of her own beauty, through the admiration he manifests), + makes her very lovely—with a self-destructive beauty, though; for it + is that which is constantly wearing her away within, till, at last, the + decay will reach her face, and her whole front, when all the lovely mask + of nothing will fall to pieces, and she be vanished for ever. So a wise + man, whom she met in the wood some years ago, and who, I think, for all + his wisdom, fared no better than you, told me, when, like you, he spent + the next night here, and recounted to me his adventures.” + </p> + <p> + I thanked her very warmly for her solution, though it was but partial; + wondering much that in her, as in woman I met on my first entering the + forest, there should be such superiority to her apparent condition. Here + she left me to take some rest; though, indeed, I was too much agitated to + rest in any other way than by simply ceasing to move. + </p> + <p> + In half an hour, I heard a heavy step approach and enter the house. A + jolly voice, whose slight huskiness appeared to proceed from overmuch + laughter, called out “Betsy, the pigs’ trough is quite empty, and that is + a pity. Let them swill, lass! They’re of no use but to get fat. Ha! ha! + ha! Gluttony is not forbidden in their commandments. Ha! ha! ha!” The very + voice, kind and jovial, seemed to disrobe the room of the strange look + which all new places wear—to disenchant it out of the realm of the + ideal into that of the actual. It began to look as if I had known every + corner of it for twenty years; and when, soon after, the dame came and + fetched me to partake of their early supper, the grasp of his great hand, + and the harvest-moon of his benevolent face, which was needed to light up + the rotundity of the globe beneath it, produced such a reaction in me, + that, for a moment, I could hardly believe that there was a Fairy Land; + and that all I had passed through since I left home, had not been the + wandering dream of a diseased imagination, operating on a too mobile + frame, not merely causing me indeed to travel, but peopling for me with + vague phantoms the regions through which my actual steps had led me. But + the next moment my eye fell upon a little girl who was sitting in the + chimney-corner, with a little book open on her knee, from which she had + apparently just looked up to fix great inquiring eyes upon me. I believed + in Fairy Land again. She went on with her reading, as soon as she saw that + I observed her looking at me. I went near, and peeping over her shoulder, + saw that she was reading <i>The History of Graciosa and Percinet</i>. + </p> + <p> + “Very improving book, sir,” remarked the old farmer, with a good-humoured + laugh. “We are in the very hottest corner of Fairy Land here. Ha! ha! + Stormy night, last night, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Was it, indeed?” I rejoined. “It was not so with me. A lovelier night I + never saw.” “Indeed! Where were you last night?” + </p> + <p> + “I spent it in the forest. I had lost my way.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! then, perhaps, you will be able to convince my good woman, that there + is nothing very remarkable about the forest; for, to tell the truth, it + bears but a bad name in these parts. I dare say you saw nothing worse than + yourself there?” + </p> + <p> + “I hope I did,” was my inward reply; but, for an audible one, I contented + myself with saying, “Why, I certainly did see some appearances I could + hardly account for; but that is nothing to be wondered at in an unknown + wild forest, and with the uncertain light of the moon alone to go by.” + </p> + <p> + “Very true! you speak like a sensible man, sir. We have but few sensible + folks round about us. Now, you would hardly credit it, but my wife + believes every fairy-tale that ever was written. I cannot account for it. + She is a most sensible woman in everything else.” + </p> + <p> + “But should not that make you treat her belief with something of respect, + though you cannot share in it yourself?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, that is all very well in theory; but when you come to live every day + in the midst of absurdity, it is far less easy to behave respectfully to + it. Why, my wife actually believes the story of the ‘White Cat.’ You know + it, I dare say.” + </p> + <p> + “I read all these tales when a child, and know that one especially well.” + </p> + <p> + “But, father,” interposed the little girl in the chimney-corner, “you know + quite well that mother is descended from that very princess who was + changed by the wicked fairy into a white cat. Mother has told me so a many + times, and you ought to believe everything she says.” + </p> + <p> + “I can easily believe that,” rejoined the farmer, with another fit of + laughter; “for, the other night, a mouse came gnawing and scratching + beneath the floor, and would not let us go to sleep. Your mother sprang + out of bed, and going as near it as she could, mewed so infernally like a + great cat, that the noise ceased instantly. I believe the poor mouse died + of the fright, for we have never heard it again. Ha! ha! ha!” + </p> + <p> + The son, an ill-looking youth, who had entered during the conversation, + joined in his father’s laugh; but his laugh was very different from the + old man’s: it was polluted with a sneer. I watched him, and saw that, as + soon as it was over, he looked scared, as if he dreaded some evil + consequences to follow his presumption. The woman stood near, waiting till + we should seat ourselves at the table, and listening to it all with an + amused air, which had something in it of the look with which one listens + to the sententious remarks of a pompous child. We sat down to supper, and + I ate heartily. My bygone distresses began already to look far off. + </p> + <p> + “In what direction are you going?” asked the old man. + </p> + <p> + “Eastward,” I replied; nor could I have given a more definite answer. + “Does the forest extend much further in that direction?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! for miles and miles; I do not know how far. For although I have lived + on the borders of it all my life, I have been too busy to make journeys of + discovery into it. Nor do I see what I could discover. It is only trees + and trees, till one is sick of them. By the way, if you follow the + eastward track from here, you will pass close to what the children say is + the very house of the ogre that Hop-o’-my-Thumb visited, and ate his + little daughters with the crowns of gold.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, father! ate his little daughters! No; he only changed their gold + crowns for nightcaps; and the great long-toothed ogre killed them in + mistake; but I do not think even he ate them, for you know they were his + own little ogresses.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, well, child; you know all about it a great deal better than I do. + However, the house has, of course, in such a foolish neighbourhood as + this, a bad enough name; and I must confess there is a woman living in it, + with teeth long enough, and white enough too, for the lineal descendant of + the greatest ogre that ever was made. I think you had better not go near + her.” + </p> + <p> + In such talk as this the night wore on. When supper was finished, which + lasted some time, my hostess conducted me to my chamber. + </p> + <p> + “If you had not had enough of it already,” she said, “I would have put you + in another room, which looks towards the forest; and where you would most + likely have seen something more of its inhabitants. For they frequently + pass the window, and even enter the room sometimes. Strange creatures + spend whole nights in it, at certain seasons of the year. I am used to it, + and do not mind it. No more does my little girl, who sleeps in it always. + But this room looks southward towards the open country, and they never + show themselves here; at least I never saw any.” + </p> + <p> + I was somewhat sorry not to gather any experience that I might have, of + the inhabitants of Fairy Land; but the effect of the farmer’s company, and + of my own later adventures, was such, that I chose rather an undisturbed + night in my more human quarters; which, with their clean white curtains + and white linen, were very inviting to my weariness. + </p> + <p> + In the morning I awoke refreshed, after a profound and dreamless sleep. + The sun was high, when I looked out of the window, shining over a wide, + undulating, cultivated country. Various garden-vegetables were growing + beneath my window. Everything was radiant with clear sunlight. The + dew-drops were sparkling their busiest; the cows in a near-by field were + eating as if they had not been at it all day yesterday; the maids were + singing at their work as they passed to and fro between the out-houses: I + did not believe in Fairy Land. I went down, and found the family already + at breakfast. But before I entered the room where they sat, the little + girl came to me, and looked up in my face, as though she wanted to say + something to me. I stooped towards her; she put her arms round my neck, + and her mouth to my ear, and whispered— + </p> + <p> + “A white lady has been flitting about the house all night.” + </p> + <p> + “No whispering behind doors!” cried the farmer; and we entered together. + “Well, how have you slept? No bogies, eh?” + </p> + <p> + “Not one, thank you; I slept uncommonly well.” + </p> + <p> + “I am glad to hear it. Come and breakfast.” + </p> + <p> + After breakfast, the farmer and his son went out; and I was left alone + with the mother and daughter. + </p> + <p> + “When I looked out of the window this morning,” I said, “I felt almost + certain that Fairy Land was all a delusion of my brain; but whenever I + come near you or your little daughter, I feel differently. Yet I could + persuade myself, after my last adventures, to go back, and have nothing + more to do with such strange beings.” + </p> + <p> + “How will you go back?” said the woman. + </p> + <p> + “Nay, that I do not know.” + </p> + <p> + “Because I have heard, that, for those who enter Fairy Land, there is no + way of going back. They must go on, and go through it. How, I do not in + the least know.” + </p> + <p> + “That is quite the impression on my own mind. Something compels me to go + on, as if my only path was onward, but I feel less inclined this morning + to continue my adventures.” + </p> + <p> + “Will you come and see my little child’s room? She sleeps in the one I + told you of, looking towards the forest.” + </p> + <p> + “Willingly,” I said. + </p> + <p> + So we went together, the little girl running before to open the door for + us. It was a large room, full of old-fashioned furniture, that seemed to + have once belonged to some great house. + </p> + <p> + The window was built with a low arch, and filled with lozenge-shaped + panes. The wall was very thick, and built of solid stone. I could see that + part of the house had been erected against the remains of some old castle + or abbey, or other great building; the fallen stones of which had probably + served to complete it. But as soon as I looked out of the window, a gush + of wonderment and longing flowed over my soul like the tide of a great + sea. Fairy Land lay before me, and drew me towards it with an irresistible + attraction. The trees bathed their great heads in the waves of the + morning, while their roots were planted deep in gloom; save where on the + borders the sunshine broke against their stems, or swept in long streams + through their avenues, washing with brighter hue all the leaves over which + it flowed; revealing the rich brown of the decayed leaves and fallen + pine-cones, and the delicate greens of the long grasses and tiny forests + of moss that covered the channel over which it passed in motionless rivers + of light. I turned hurriedly to bid my hostess farewell without further + delay. She smiled at my haste, but with an anxious look. + </p> + <p> + “You had better not go near the house of the ogre, I think. My son will + show you into another path, which will join the first beyond it.” + </p> + <p> + Not wishing to be headstrong or too confident any more, I agreed; and + having taken leave of my kind entertainers, went into the wood, + accompanied by the youth. He scarcely spoke as we went along; but he led + me through the trees till we struck upon a path. He told me to follow it, + and, with a muttered “good morning” left me. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER VIII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “I am a part of the part, which at first was the whole.” + GOETHE.—<i>Mephistopheles in Faust</i>. +</pre> + <p> + My spirits rose as I went deeper; into the forest; but I could not regain + my former elasticity of mind. I found cheerfulness to be like life itself—not + to be created by any argument. Afterwards I learned, that the best way to + manage some kinds of pain filled thoughts, is to dare them to do their + worst; to let them lie and gnaw at your heart till they are tired; and you + find you still have a residue of life they cannot kill. So, better and + worse, I went on, till I came to a little clearing in the forest. In the + middle of this clearing stood a long, low hut, built with one end against + a single tall cypress, which rose like a spire to the building. A vague + misgiving crossed my mind when I saw it; but I must needs go closer, and + look through a little half-open door, near the opposite end from the + cypress. Window I saw none. On peeping in, and looking towards the further + end, I saw a lamp burning, with a dim, reddish flame, and the head of a + woman, bent downwards, as if reading by its light. I could see nothing + more for a few moments. At length, as my eyes got used to the dimness of + the place, I saw that the part of the rude building near me was used for + household purposes; for several rough utensils lay here and there, and a + bed stood in the corner. + </p> + <p> + An irresistible attraction caused me to enter. The woman never raised her + face, the upper part of which alone I could see distinctly; but, as soon + as I stepped within the threshold, she began to read aloud, in a low and + not altogether unpleasing voice, from an ancient little volume which she + held open with one hand on the table upon which stood the lamp. What she + read was something like this: + </p> + <p> + “So, then, as darkness had no beginning, neither will it ever have an end. + So, then, is it eternal. The negation of aught else, is its affirmation. + Where the light cannot come, there abideth the darkness. The light doth + but hollow a mine out of the infinite extension of the darkness. And ever + upon the steps of the light treadeth the darkness; yea, springeth in + fountains and wells amidst it, from the secret channels of its mighty sea. + Truly, man is but a passing flame, moving unquietly amid the surrounding + rest of night; without which he yet could not be, and whereof he is in + part compounded.” + </p> + <p> + As I drew nearer, and she read on, she moved a little to turn a leaf of + the dark old volume, and I saw that her face was sallow and slightly + forbidding. Her forehead was high, and her black eyes repressedly quiet. + But she took no notice of me. This end of the cottage, if cottage it could + be called, was destitute of furniture, except the table with the lamp, and + the chair on which the woman sat. In one corner was a door, apparently of + a cupboard in the wall, but which might lead to a room beyond. Still the + irresistible desire which had made me enter the building urged me: I must + open that door, and see what was beyond it. I approached, and laid my hand + on the rude latch. Then the woman spoke, but without lifting her head or + looking at me: “You had better not open that door.” This was uttered quite + quietly; and she went on with her reading, partly in silence, partly + aloud; but both modes seemed equally intended for herself alone. The + prohibition, however, only increased my desire to see; and as she took no + further notice, I gently opened the door to its full width, and looked in. + At first, I saw nothing worthy of attention. It seemed a common closet, + with shelves on each hand, on which stood various little necessaries for + the humble uses of a cottage. In one corner stood one or two brooms, in + another a hatchet and other common tools; showing that it was in use every + hour of the day for household purposes. But, as I looked, I saw that there + were no shelves at the back, and that an empty space went in further; its + termination appearing to be a faintly glimmering wall or curtain, somewhat + less, however, than the width and height of the doorway where I stood. + But, as I continued looking, for a few seconds, towards this faintly + luminous limit, my eyes came into true relation with their object. All at + once, with such a shiver as when one is suddenly conscious of the presence + of another in a room where he has, for hours, considered himself alone, I + saw that the seemingly luminous extremity was a sky, as of night, beheld + through the long perspective of a narrow, dark passage, through what, or + built of what, I could not tell. As I gazed, I clearly discerned two or + three stars glimmering faintly in the distant blue. But, suddenly, and as + if it had been running fast from a far distance for this very point, and + had turned the corner without abating its swiftness, a dark figure sped + into and along the passage from the blue opening at the remote end. I + started back and shuddered, but kept looking, for I could not help it. On + and on it came, with a speedy approach but delayed arrival; till, at last, + through the many gradations of approach, it seemed to come within the + sphere of myself, rushed up to me, and passed me into the cottage. All I + could tell of its appearance was, that it seemed to be a dark human + figure. Its motion was entirely noiseless, and might be called a gliding, + were it not that it appeared that of a runner, but with ghostly feet. I + had moved back yet a little to let him pass me, and looked round after him + instantly. I could not see him. + </p> + <p> + “Where is he?” I said, in some alarm, to the woman, who still sat reading. + </p> + <p> + “There, on the floor, behind you,” she said, pointing with her arm + half-outstretched, but not lifting her eyes. I turned and looked, but saw + nothing. Then with a feeling that there was yet something behind me, I + looked round over my shoulder; and there, on the ground, lay a black + shadow, the size of a man. It was so dark, that I could see it in the dim + light of the lamp, which shone full upon it, apparently without thinning + at all the intensity of its hue. + </p> + <p> + “I told you,” said the woman, “you had better not look into that closet.” + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” I said, with a growing sense of horror. + </p> + <p> + “It is only your shadow that has found you,” she replied. “Everybody’s + shadow is ranging up and down looking for him. I believe you call it by a + different name in your world: yours has found you, as every person’s is + almost certain to do who looks into that closet, especially after meeting + one in the forest, whom I dare say you have met.” + </p> + <p> + Here, for the first time, she lifted her head, and looked full at me: her + mouth was full of long, white, shining teeth; and I knew that I was in the + house of the ogre. I could not speak, but turned and left the house, with + the shadow at my heels. “A nice sort of valet to have,” I said to myself + bitterly, as I stepped into the sunshine, and, looking over my shoulder, + saw that it lay yet blacker in the full blaze of the sunlight. Indeed, + only when I stood between it and the sun, was the blackness at all + diminished. I was so bewildered—stunned—both by the event + itself and its suddenness, that I could not at all realise to myself what + it would be to have such a constant and strange attendance; but with a dim + conviction that my present dislike would soon grow to loathing, I took my + dreary way through the wood. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER IX + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “O lady! we receive but what we give, + And in our life alone does nature live: + Ours is her wedding garments ours her shrorwd! + . . . . . + Ah! from the soul itself must issue forth, + A light, a glory, a fair luminous cloud, + Enveloping the Earth— + And from the soul itself must there be sent + A sweet and potent voice of its own birth, + Of all sweet sounds the life and element!” + COLERIDGE. +</pre> + <p> + From this time, until I arrived at the palace of Fairy Land, I can attempt + no consecutive account of my wanderings and adventures. Everything, + henceforward, existed for me in its relation to my attendant. What + influence he exercised upon everything into contact with which I was + brought, may be understood from a few detached instances. To begin with + this very day on which he first joined me: after I had walked heartlessly + along for two or three hours, I was very weary, and lay down to rest in a + most delightful part of the forest, carpeted with wild flowers. I lay for + half an hour in a dull repose, and then got up to pursue my way. The + flowers on the spot where I had lain were crushed to the earth: but I saw + that they would soon lift their heads and rejoice again in the sun and + air. Not so those on which my shadow had lain. The very outline of it + could be traced in the withered lifeless grass, and the scorched and + shrivelled flowers which stood there, dead, and hopeless of any + resurrection. I shuddered, and hastened away with sad forebodings. + </p> + <p> + In a few days, I had reason to dread an extension of its baleful + influences from the fact, that it was no longer confined to one position + in regard to myself. Hitherto, when seized with an irresistible desire to + look on my evil demon (which longing would unaccountably seize me at any + moment, returning at longer or shorter intervals, sometimes every minute), + I had to turn my head backwards, and look over my shoulder; in which + position, as long as I could retain it, I was fascinated. But one day, + having come out on a clear grassy hill, which commanded a glorious + prospect, though of what I cannot now tell, my shadow moved round, and + came in front of me. And, presently, a new manifestation increased my + distress. For it began to coruscate, and shoot out on all sides a + radiation of dim shadow. These rays of gloom issued from the central + shadow as from a black sun, lengthening and shortening with continual + change. But wherever a ray struck, that part of earth, or sea, or sky, + became void, and desert, and sad to my heart. On this, the first + development of its new power, one ray shot out beyond the rest, seeming to + lengthen infinitely, until it smote the great sun on the face, which + withered and darkened beneath the blow. I turned away and went on. The + shadow retreated to its former position; and when I looked again, it had + drawn in all its spears of darkness, and followed like a dog at my heels. + </p> + <p> + Once, as I passed by a cottage, there came out a lovely fairy child, with + two wondrous toys, one in each hand. The one was the tube through which + the fairy-gifted poet looks when he beholds the same thing everywhere; the + other that through which he looks when he combines into new forms of + loveliness those images of beauty which his own choice has gathered from + all regions wherein he has travelled. Round the child’s head was an + aureole of emanating rays. As I looked at him in wonder and delight, round + crept from behind me the something dark, and the child stood in my shadow. + Straightway he was a commonplace boy, with a rough broad-brimmed straw + hat, through which brim the sun shone from behind. The toys he carried + were a multiplying-glass and a kaleidoscope. I sighed and departed. + </p> + <p> + One evening, as a great silent flood of western gold flowed through an + avenue in the woods, down the stream, just as when I saw him first, came + the sad knight, riding on his chestnut steed. + </p> + <p> + But his armour did not shine half so red as when I saw him first. + </p> + <p> + Many a blow of mighty sword and axe, turned aside by the strength of his + mail, and glancing adown the surface, had swept from its path the fretted + rust, and the glorious steel had answered the kindly blow with the thanks + of returning light. These streaks and spots made his armour look like the + floor of a forest in the sunlight. His forehead was higher than before, + for the contracting wrinkles were nearly gone; and the sadness that + remained on his face was the sadness of a dewy summer twilight, not that + of a frosty autumn morn. He, too, had met the Alder-maiden as I, but he + had plunged into the torrent of mighty deeds, and the stain was nearly + washed away. No shadow followed him. He had not entered the dark house; he + had not had time to open the closet door. “Will he ever look in?” I said + to myself. “<i>Must</i> his shadow find him some day?” But I could not answer my + own questions. + </p> + <p> + We travelled together for two days, and I began to love him. It was plain + that he suspected my story in some degree; and I saw him once or twice + looking curiously and anxiously at my attendant gloom, which all this time + had remained very obsequiously behind me; but I offered no explanation, + and he asked none. Shame at my neglect of his warning, and a horror which + shrunk from even alluding to its cause, kept me silent; till, on the + evening of the second day, some noble words from my companion roused all + my heart; and I was at the point of falling on his neck, and telling him + the whole story; seeking, if not for helpful advice, for of that I was + hopeless, yet for the comfort of sympathy—when round slid the shadow + and inwrapt my friend; and I could not trust him. + </p> + <p> + The glory of his brow vanished; the light of his eye grew cold; and I held + my peace. The next morning we parted. + </p> + <p> + But the most dreadful thing of all was, that I now began to feel something + like satisfaction in the presence of the shadow. I began to be rather vain + of my attendant, saying to myself, “In a land like this, with so many + illusions everywhere, I need his aid to disenchant the things around me. + He does away with all appearances, and shows me things in their true + colour and form. And I am not one to be fooled with the vanities of the + common crowd. I will not see beauty where there is none. I will dare to + behold things as they are. And if I live in a waste instead of a paradise, + I will live knowing where I live.” But of this a certain exercise of his + power which soon followed quite cured me, turning my feelings towards him + once more into loathing and distrust. It was thus: + </p> + <p> + One bright noon, a little maiden joined me, coming through the wood in a + direction at right angles to my path. She came along singing and dancing, + happy as a child, though she seemed almost a woman. In her hands—now + in one, now in another—she carried a small globe, bright and clear + as the purest crystal. This seemed at once her plaything and her greatest + treasure. At one moment, you would have thought her utterly careless of + it, and at another, overwhelmed with anxiety for its safety. But I believe + she was taking care of it all the time, perhaps not least when least + occupied about it. She stopped by me with a smile, and bade me good day + with the sweetest voice. I felt a wonderful liking to the child—for + she produced on me more the impression of a child, though my understanding + told me differently. We talked a little, and then walked on together in + the direction I had been pursuing. I asked her about the globe she + carried, but getting no definite answer, I held out my hand to take it. + She drew back, and said, but smiling almost invitingly the while, “You + must not touch it;”—then, after a moment’s pause—“Or if you + do, it must be very gently.” I touched it with a finger. A slight + vibratory motion arose in it, accompanied, or perhaps manifested, by a + faint sweet sound. I touched it again, and the sound increased. I touched + it the third time: a tiny torrent of harmony rolled out of the little + globe. She would not let me touch it any more. + </p> + <p> + We travelled on together all that day. She left me when twilight came on; + but next day, at noon, she met me as before, and again we travelled till + evening. The third day she came once more at noon, and we walked on + together. Now, though we had talked about a great many things connected + with Fairy Land, and the life she had led hitherto, I had never been able + to learn anything about the globe. This day, however, as we went on, the + shadow glided round and inwrapt the maiden. It could not change her. But + my desire to know about the globe, which in his gloom began to waver as + with an inward light, and to shoot out flashes of many-coloured flame, + grew irresistible. I put out both my hands and laid hold of it. It began + to sound as before. The sound rapidly increased, till it grew a low + tempest of harmony, and the globe trembled, and quivered, and throbbed + between my hands. I had not the heart to pull it away from the maiden, + though I held it in spite of her attempts to take it from me; yes, I shame + to say, in spite of her prayers, and, at last, her tears. The music went + on growing in, intensity and complication of tones, and the globe vibrated + and heaved; till at last it burst in our hands, and a black vapour broke + upwards from out of it; then turned, as if blown sideways, and enveloped + the maiden, hiding even the shadow in its blackness. She held fast the + fragments, which I abandoned, and fled from me into the forest in the + direction whence she had come, wailing like a child, and crying, “You have + broken my globe; my globe is broken—my globe is broken!” I followed + her, in the hope of comforting her; but had not pursued her far, before a + sudden cold gust of wind bowed the tree-tops above us, and swept through + their stems around us; a great cloud overspread the day, and a fierce + tempest came on, in which I lost sight of her. It lies heavy on my heart + to this hour. At night, ere I fall asleep, often, whatever I may be + thinking about, I suddenly hear her voice, crying out, “You have broken my + globe; my globe is broken; ah, my globe!” + </p> + <p> + Here I will mention one more strange thing; but whether this peculiarity + was owing to my shadow at all, I am not able to assure myself. I came to a + village, the inhabitants of which could not at first sight be + distinguished from the dwellers in our land. They rather avoided than + sought my company, though they were very pleasant when I addressed them. + But at last I observed, that whenever I came within a certain distance of + any one of them, which distance, however, varied with different + individuals, the whole appearance of the person began to change; and this + change increased in degree as I approached. When I receded to the former + distance, the former appearance was restored. The nature of the change was + grotesque, following no fixed rule. The nearest resemblance to it that I + know, is the distortion produced in your countenance when you look at it + as reflected in a concave or convex surface—say, either side of a + bright spoon. Of this phenomenon I first became aware in rather a + ludicrous way. My host’s daughter was a very pleasant pretty girl, who + made herself more agreeable to me than most of those about me. For some + days my companion-shadow had been less obtrusive than usual; and such was + the reaction of spirits occasioned by the simple mitigation of torment, + that, although I had cause enough besides to be gloomy, I felt light and + comparatively happy. My impression is, that she was quite aware of the law + of appearances that existed between the people of the place and myself, + and had resolved to amuse herself at my expense; for one evening, after + some jesting and raillery, she, somehow or other, provoked me to attempt + to kiss her. But she was well defended from any assault of the kind. Her + countenance became, of a sudden, absurdly hideous; the pretty mouth was + elongated and otherwise amplified sufficiently to have allowed of six + simultaneous kisses. I started back in bewildered dismay; she burst into + the merriest fit of laughter, and ran from the room. I soon found that the + same undefinable law of change operated between me and all the other + villagers; and that, to feel I was in pleasant company, it was absolutely + necessary for me to discover and observe the right focal distance between + myself and each one with whom I had to do. This done, all went pleasantly + enough. Whether, when I happened to neglect this precaution, I presented + to them an equally ridiculous appearance, I did not ascertain; but I + presume that the alteration was common to the approximating parties. I was + likewise unable to determine whether I was a necessary party to the + production of this strange transformation, or whether it took place as + well, under the given circumstances, between the inhabitants themselves. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER X + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “From Eden’s bowers the full-fed rivers flow, + To guide the outcasts to the land of woe: + Our Earth one little toiling streamlet yields. + To guide the wanderers to the happy fields.” + </pre> +<p> + After leaving this village, where I had rested for nearly a +week, I travelled through a desert region of dry sand and glittering +rocks, peopled principally by goblin-fairies. When I first entered their +domains, and, indeed, whenever I fell in with another tribe of them, +they began mocking me with offered handfuls of gold and jewels, making +hideous grimaces at me, and performing the most antic homage, as if they +thought I expected reverence, and meant to humour me like a maniac. But +ever, as soon as one cast his eyes on the shadow behind me, he made a +wry face, partly of pity, partly of contempt, and looked ashamed, as +if he had been caught doing something inhuman; then, throwing down his +handful of gold, and ceasing all his grimaces, he stood aside to let me +pass in peace, and made signs to his companions to do the like. I had no +inclination to observe them much, for the shadow was in my heart as well +as at my heels. I walked listlessly and almost hopelessly along, till I +arrived one day at a small spring; which, bursting cool from the heart +of a sun-heated rock, flowed somewhat southwards from the direction I +had been taking. I drank of this spring, and found myself wonderfully +refreshed. A kind of love to the cheerful little stream arose in my +heart. It was born in a desert; but it seemed to say to itself, “I will +flow, and sing, and lave my banks, till I make my desert a paradise.” + I thought I could not do better than follow it, and see what it made +of it. So down with the stream I went, over rocky lands, burning with +sunbeams. But the rivulet flowed not far, before a few blades of +grass appeared on its banks, and then, here and there, a stunted bush. +Sometimes it disappeared altogether under ground; and after I had +wandered some distance, as near as I could guess, in the direction it +seemed to take, I would suddenly hear it again, singing, sometimes far +away to my right or left, amongst new rocks, over which it made new +cataracts of watery melodies. The verdure on its banks increased as it +flowed; other streams joined it; and at last, after many days’ travel, +I found myself, one gorgeous summer evening, resting by the side of a +broad river, with a glorious horse-chestnut tree towering above me, and +dropping its blossoms, milk-white and rosy-red, all about me. As I sat, +a gush of joy sprang forth in my heart, and over flowed at my eyes. +</p> + <p> + Through my tears, the whole landscape glimmered in such bewildering + loveliness, that I felt as if I were entering Fairy Land for the first + time, and some loving hand were waiting to cool my head, and a loving word + to warm my heart. Roses, wild roses, everywhere! So plentiful were they, + they not only perfumed the air, they seemed to dye it a faint rose-hue. + The colour floated abroad with the scent, and clomb, and spread, until the + whole west blushed and glowed with the gathered incense of roses. And my + heart fainted with longing in my bosom. + </p> + <p> + Could I but see the Spirit of the Earth, as I saw once the in dwelling + woman of the beech-tree, and my beauty of the pale marble, I should be + content. Content!—Oh, how gladly would I die of the light of her + eyes! Yea, I would cease to be, if that would bring me one word of love + from the one mouth. The twilight sank around, and infolded me with sleep. + I slept as I had not slept for months. I did not awake till late in the + morning; when, refreshed in body and mind, I rose as from the death that + wipes out the sadness of life, and then dies itself in the new morrow. + Again I followed the stream; now climbing a steep rocky bank that hemmed + it in; now wading through long grasses and wild flowers in its path; now + through meadows; and anon through woods that crowded down to the very lip + of the water. + </p> + <p> + At length, in a nook of the river, gloomy with the weight of overhanging + foliage, and still and deep as a soul in which the torrent eddies of pain + have hollowed a great gulf, and then, subsiding in violence, have left it + full of a motionless, fathomless sorrow—I saw a little boat lying. + So still was the water here, that the boat needed no fastening. It lay as + if some one had just stepped ashore, and would in a moment return. But as + there were no signs of presence, and no track through the thick bushes; + and, moreover, as I was in Fairy Land where one does very much as he + pleases, I forced my way to the brink, stepped into the boat, pushed it, + with the help of the tree-branches, out into the stream, lay down in the + bottom, and let my boat and me float whither the stream would carry us. I + seemed to lose myself in the great flow of sky above me unbroken in its + infinitude, except when now and then, coming nearer the shore at a bend in + the river, a tree would sweep its mighty head silently above mine, and + glide away back into the past, never more to fling its shadow over me. I + fell asleep in this cradle, in which mother Nature was rocking her weary + child; and while I slept, the sun slept not, but went round his arched + way. When I awoke, he slept in the waters, and I went on my silent path + beneath a round silvery moon. And a pale moon looked up from the floor of + the great blue cave that lay in the abysmal silence beneath. + </p> + <p> + Why are all reflections lovelier than what we call the reality?—not + so grand or so strong, it may be, but always lovelier? Fair as is the + gliding sloop on the shining sea, the wavering, trembling, unresting sail + below is fairer still. Yea, the reflecting ocean itself, reflected in the + mirror, has a wondrousness about its waters that somewhat vanishes when I + turn towards itself. All mirrors are magic mirrors. The commonest room is + a room in a poem when I turn to the glass. (And this reminds me, while I + write, of a strange story which I read in the fairy palace, and of which I + will try to make a feeble memorial in its place.) In whatever way it may + be accounted for, of one thing we may be sure, that this feeling is no + cheat; for there is no cheating in nature and the simple unsought feelings + of the soul. There must be a truth involved in it, though we may but in + part lay hold of the meaning. Even the memories of past pain are + beautiful; and past delights, though beheld only through clefts in the + grey clouds of sorrow, are lovely as Fairy Land. But how have I wandered + into the deeper fairyland of the soul, while as yet I only float towards + the fairy palace of Fairy Land! The moon, which is the lovelier memory or + reflex of the down-gone sun, the joyous day seen in the faint mirror of + the brooding night, had rapt me away. + </p> + <p> + I sat up in the boat. Gigantic forest trees were about me; through which, + like a silver snake, twisted and twined the great river. The little waves, + when I moved in the boat, heaved and fell with a plash as of molten + silver, breaking the image of the moon into a thousand morsels, fusing + again into one, as the ripples of laughter die into the still face of joy. + The sleeping woods, in undefined massiveness; the water that flowed in its + sleep; and, above all, the enchantress moon, which had cast them all, with + her pale eye, into the charmed slumber, sank into my soul, and I felt as + if I had died in a dream, and should never more awake. + </p> + <p> + From this I was partly aroused by a glimmering of white, that, through the + trees on the left, vaguely crossed my vision, as I gazed upwards. But the + trees again hid the object; and at the moment, some strange melodious bird + took up its song, and sang, not an ordinary bird-song, with constant + repetitions of the same melody, but what sounded like a continuous strain, + in which one thought was expressed, deepening in intensity as evolved in + progress. It sounded like a welcome already overshadowed with the coming + farewell. As in all sweetest music, a tinge of sadness was in every note. + Nor do we know how much of the pleasures even of life we owe to the + intermingled sorrows. Joy cannot unfold the deepest truths, although + deepest truth must be deepest joy. Cometh white-robed Sorrow, stooping and + wan, and flingeth wide the doors she may not enter. Almost we linger with + Sorrow for very love. + </p> + <p> + As the song concluded the stream bore my little boat with a gentle sweep + round a bend of the river; and lo! on a broad lawn, which rose from the + water’s edge with a long green slope to a clear elevation from which the + trees receded on all sides, stood a stately palace glimmering ghostly in + the moonshine: it seemed to be built throughout of the whitest marble. + There was no reflection of moonlight from windows—there seemed to be + none; so there was no cold glitter; only, as I said, a ghostly shimmer. + Numberless shadows tempered the shine, from column and balcony and tower. + For everywhere galleries ran along the face of the buildings; wings were + extended in many directions; and numberless openings, through which the + moonbeams vanished into the interior, and which served both for doors and + windows, had their separate balconies in front, communicating with a + common gallery that rose on its own pillars. Of course, I did not discover + all this from the river, and in the moonlight. But, though I was there for + many days, I did not succeed in mastering the inner topography of the + building, so extensive and complicated was it. + </p> + <p> + Here I wished to land, but the boat had no oars on board. However, I found + that a plank, serving for a seat, was unfastened, and with that I brought + the boat to the bank and scrambled on shore. Deep soft turf sank beneath + my feet, as I went up the ascent towards the palace. + </p> + <p> + When I reached it, I saw that it stood on a great platform of marble, with + an ascent, by broad stairs of the same, all round it. Arrived on the + platform, I found there was an extensive outlook over the forest, which, + however, was rather veiled than revealed by the moonlight. + </p> + <p> + Entering by a wide gateway, but without gates, into an inner court, + surrounded on all sides by great marble pillars supporting galleries + above, I saw a large fountain of porphyry in the middle, throwing up a + lofty column of water, which fell, with a noise as of the fusion of all + sweet sounds, into a basin beneath; overflowing which, it ran into a + single channel towards the interior of the building. Although the moon was + by this time so low in the west, that not a ray of her light fell into the + court, over the height of the surrounding buildings; yet was the court + lighted by a second reflex from the sun of other lands. For the top of the + column of water, just as it spread to fall, caught the moonbeams, and like + a great pale lamp, hung high in the night air, threw a dim memory of light + (as it were) over the court below. This court was paved in diamonds of + white and red marble. According to my custom since I entered Fairy Land, + of taking for a guide whatever I first found moving in any direction, I + followed the stream from the basin of the fountain. It led me to a great + open door, beneath the ascending steps of which it ran through a low arch + and disappeared. Entering here, I found myself in a great hall, surrounded + with white pillars, and paved with black and white. This I could see by + the moonlight, which, from the other side, streamed through open windows + into the hall. + </p> + <p> + Its height I could not distinctly see. As soon as I entered, I had the + feeling so common to me in the woods, that there were others there besides + myself, though I could see no one, and heard no sound to indicate a + presence. Since my visit to the Church of Darkness, my power of seeing the + fairies of the higher orders had gradually diminished, until it had almost + ceased. But I could frequently believe in their presence while unable to + see them. Still, although I had company, and doubtless of a safe kind, it + seemed rather dreary to spend the night in an empty marble hall, however + beautiful, especially as the moon was near the going down, and it would + soon be dark. So I began at the place where I entered, and walked round + the hall, looking for some door or passage that might lead me to a more + hospitable chamber. As I walked, I was deliciously haunted with the + feeling that behind some one of the seemingly innumerable pillars, one who + loved me was waiting for me. Then I thought she was following me from + pillar to pillar as I went along; but no arms came out of the faint + moonlight, and no sigh assured me of her presence. + </p> + <p> + At length I came to an open corridor, into which I turned; notwithstanding + that, in doing so, I left the light behind. Along this I walked with + outstretched hands, groping my way, till, arriving at another corridor, + which seemed to strike off at right angles to that in which I was, I saw + at the end a faintly glimmering light, too pale even for moonshine, + resembling rather a stray phosphorescence. However, where everything was + white, a little light went a great way. So I walked on to the end, and a + long corridor it was. When I came up to the light, I found that it + proceeded from what looked like silver letters upon a door of ebony; and, + to my surprise even in the home of wonder itself, the letters formed the + words, <i>The Chamber of Sir Anodos</i>. Although I had as yet no right to the + honours of a knight, I ventured to conclude that the chamber was indeed + intended for me; and, opening the door without hesitation, I entered. Any + doubt as to whether I was right in so doing, was soon dispelled. What to + my dark eyes seemed a blaze of light, burst upon me. A fire of large + pieces of some sweet-scented wood, supported by dogs of silver, was + burning on the hearth, and a bright lamp stood on a table, in the midst of + a plentiful meal, apparently awaiting my arrival. But what surprised me + more than all, was, that the room was in every respect a copy of my own + room, the room whence the little stream from my basin had led me into + Fairy Land. There was the very carpet of grass and moss and daisies, which + I had myself designed; the curtains of pale blue silk, that fell like a + cataract over the windows; the old-fashioned bed, with the chintz + furniture, on which I had slept from boyhood. “Now I shall sleep,” I said + to myself. “My shadow dares not come here.” + </p> + <p> + I sat down to the table, and began to help myself to the good things + before me with confidence. And now I found, as in many instances before, + how true the fairy tales are; for I was waited on, all the time of my + meal, by invisible hands. I had scarcely to do more than look towards + anything I wanted, when it was brought me, just as if it had come to me of + itself. My glass was kept filled with the wine I had chosen, until I + looked towards another bottle or decanter; when a fresh glass was + substituted, and the other wine supplied. When I had eaten and drank more + heartily and joyfully than ever since I entered Fairy Land, the whole was + removed by several attendants, of whom some were male and some female, as + I thought I could distinguish from the way the dishes were lifted from the + table, and the motion with which they were carried out of the room. As + soon as they were all taken away, I heard a sound as of the shutting of a + door, and knew that I was left alone. I sat long by the fire, meditating, + and wondering how it would all end; and when at length, wearied with + thinking, I betook myself to my own bed, it was half with a hope that, + when I awoke in the morning, I should awake not only in my own room, but + in my own castle also; and that I should walk, out upon my own native + soil, and find that Fairy Land was, after all, only a vision of the night. + The sound of the falling waters of the fountain floated me into oblivion. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0011" id="link2HCH0011"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XI + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “A wilderness of building, sinking far + And self-withdrawn into a wondrous depth, + Far sinking into splendour—without end: + Fabric it seemed of diamond and of gold, + With alabaster domes, and silver spires, + And blazing terrace upon terrace, high + Uplifted.” + WORDSWORTH. +</pre> + <p> + But when, after a sleep, which, although dreamless, yet left behind it a + sense of past blessedness, I awoke in the full morning, I found, indeed, + that the room was still my own; but that it looked abroad upon an unknown + landscape of forest and hill and dale on the one side—and on the + other, upon the marble court, with the great fountain, the crest of which + now flashed glorious in the sun, and cast on the pavement beneath a shower + of faint shadows from the waters that fell from it into the marble basin + below. + </p> + <p> + Agreeably to all authentic accounts of the treatment of travellers in + Fairy Land, I found by my bedside a complete suit of fresh clothing, just + such as I was in the habit of wearing; for, though varied sufficiently + from the one removed, it was yet in complete accordance with my tastes. I + dressed myself in this, and went out. The whole palace shone like silver + in the sun. The marble was partly dull and partly polished; and every + pinnacle, dome, and turret ended in a ball, or cone, or cusp of silver. It + was like frost-work, and too dazzling, in the sun, for earthly eyes like + mine. + </p> + <p> + I will not attempt to describe the environs, save by saying, that all the + pleasures to be found in the most varied and artistic arrangement of wood + and river, lawn and wild forest, garden and shrubbery, rocky hill and + luxurious vale; in living creatures wild and tame, in gorgeous birds, + scattered fountains, little streams, and reedy lakes—all were here. + Some parts of the palace itself I shall have occasion to describe more + minutely. + </p> + <p> + For this whole morning I never thought of my demon shadow; and not till + the weariness which supervened on delight brought it again to my memory, + did I look round to see if it was behind me: it was scarcely discernible. + But its presence, however faintly revealed, sent a pang to my heart, for + the pain of which, not all the beauties around me could compensate. It was + followed, however, by the comforting reflection that, peradventure, I + might here find the magic word of power to banish the demon and set me + free, so that I should no longer be a man beside myself. The Queen of + Fairy Land, thought I, must dwell here: surely she will put forth her + power to deliver me, and send me singing through the further gates of her + country back to my own land. “Shadow of me!” I said; “which art not me, + but which representest thyself to me as me; here I may find a shadow of + light which will devour thee, the shadow of darkness! Here I may find a + blessing which will fall on thee as a curse, and damn thee to the + blackness whence thou hast emerged unbidden.” I said this, stretched at + length on the slope of the lawn above the river; and as the hope arose + within me, the sun came forth from a light fleecy cloud that swept across + his face; and hill and dale, and the great river winding on through the + still mysterious forest, flashed back his rays as with a silent shout of + joy; all nature lived and glowed; the very earth grew warm beneath me; a + magnificent dragon-fly went past me like an arrow from a bow, and a whole + concert of birds burst into choral song. + </p> + <p> + The heat of the sun soon became too intense even for passive support. I + therefore rose, and sought the shelter of one of the arcades. Wandering + along from one to another of these, wherever my heedless steps led me, and + wondering everywhere at the simple magnificence of the building, I arrived + at another hall, the roof of which was of a pale blue, spangled with + constellations of silver stars, and supported by porphyry pillars of a + paler red than ordinary.—In this house (I may remark in passing), + silver seemed everywhere preferred to gold; and such was the purity of the + air, that it showed nowhere signs of tarnishing.—The whole of the + floor of this hall, except a narrow path behind the pillars, paved with + black, was hollowed into a huge basin, many feet deep, and filled with the + purest, most liquid and radiant water. The sides of the basin were white + marble, and the bottom was paved with all kinds of refulgent stones, of + every shape and hue. + </p> + <p> + In their arrangement, you would have supposed, at first sight, that there + was no design, for they seemed to lie as if cast there from careless and + playful hands; but it was a most harmonious confusion; and as I looked at + the play of their colours, especially when the waters were in motion, I + came at last to feel as if not one little pebble could be displaced, + without injuring the effect of the whole. Beneath this floor of the water, + lay the reflection of the blue inverted roof, fretted with its silver + stars, like a second deeper sea, clasping and upholding the first. The + fairy bath was probably fed from the fountain in the court. Led by an + irresistible desire, I undressed, and plunged into the water. It clothed + me as with a new sense and its object both in one. The waters lay so close + to me, they seemed to enter and revive my heart. I rose to the surface, + shook the water from my hair, and swam as in a rainbow, amid the + coruscations of the gems below seen through the agitation caused by my + motion. Then, with open eyes, I dived, and swam beneath the surface. And + here was a new wonder. For the basin, thus beheld, appeared to extend on + all sides like a sea, with here and there groups as of ocean rocks, + hollowed by ceaseless billows into wondrous caves and grotesque pinnacles. + Around the caves grew sea-weeds of all hues, and the corals glowed + between; while far off, I saw the glimmer of what seemed to be creatures + of human form at home in the waters. I thought I had been enchanted; and + that when I rose to the surface, I should find myself miles from land, + swimming alone upon a heaving sea; but when my eyes emerged from the + waters, I saw above me the blue spangled vault, and the red pillars + around. I dived again, and found myself once more in the heart of a great + sea. I then arose, and swam to the edge, where I got out easily, for the + water reached the very brim, and, as I drew near washed in tiny waves over + the black marble border. I dressed, and went out, deeply refreshed. + </p> + <p> + And now I began to discern faint, gracious forms, here and there + throughout the building. Some walked together in earnest conversation. + Others strayed alone. Some stood in groups, as if looking at and talking + about a picture or a statue. None of them heeded me. Nor were they plainly + visible to my eyes. Sometimes a group, or single individual, would fade + entirely out of the realm of my vision as I gazed. When evening came, and + the moon arose, clear as a round of a horizon-sea when the sun hangs over + it in the west, I began to see them all more plainly; especially when they + came between me and the moon; and yet more especially, when I myself was + in the shade. But, even then, I sometimes saw only the passing wave of a + white robe; or a lovely arm or neck gleamed by in the moonshine; or white + feet went walking alone over the moony sward. Nor, I grieve to say, did I + ever come much nearer to these glorious beings, or ever look upon the + Queen of the Fairies herself. My destiny ordered otherwise. + </p> + <p> + In this palace of marble and silver, and fountains and moonshine, I spent + many days; waited upon constantly in my room with everything desirable, + and bathing daily in the fairy bath. All this time I was little troubled + with my demon shadow I had a vague feeling that he was somewhere about the + palace; but it seemed as if the hope that I should in this place be + finally freed from his hated presence, had sufficed to banish him for a + time. How and where I found him, I shall soon have to relate. + </p> + <p> + The third day after my arrival, I found the library of the palace; and + here, all the time I remained, I spent most of the middle of the day. For + it was, not to mention far greater attractions, a luxurious retreat from + the noontide sun. During the mornings and afternoons, I wandered about the + lovely neighbourhood, or lay, lost in delicious day-dreams, beneath some + mighty tree on the open lawn. My evenings were by-and-by spent in a part + of the palace, the account of which, and of my adventures in connection + with it, I must yet postpone for a little. + </p> + <p> + The library was a mighty hall, lighted from the roof, which was formed of + something like glass, vaulted over in a single piece, and stained + throughout with a great mysterious picture in gorgeous colouring. + </p> + <p> + The walls were lined from floor to roof with books and books: most of them + in ancient bindings, but some in strange new fashions which I had never + seen, and which, were I to make the attempt, I could ill describe. All + around the walls, in front of the books, ran galleries in rows, + communicating by stairs. These galleries were built of all kinds of + coloured stones; all sorts of marble and granite, with porphyry, jasper, + lapis lazuli, agate, and various others, were ranged in wonderful melody + of successive colours. Although the material, then, of which these + galleries and stairs were built, rendered necessary a certain degree of + massiveness in the construction, yet such was the size of the place, that + they seemed to run along the walls like cords. + </p> + <p> + Over some parts of the library, descended curtains of silk of various + dyes, none of which I ever saw lifted while I was there; and I felt + somehow that it would be presumptuous in me to venture to look within + them. But the use of the other books seemed free; and day after day I came + to the library, threw myself on one of the many sumptuous eastern carpets, + which lay here and there on the floor, and read, and read, until weary; if + that can be designated as weariness, which was rather the faintness of + rapturous delight; or until, sometimes, the failing of the light invited + me to go abroad, in the hope that a cool gentle breeze might have arisen + to bathe, with an airy invigorating bath, the limbs which the glow of the + burning spirit within had withered no less than the glow of the blazing + sun without. + </p> + <p> + One peculiarity of these books, or at least most of those I looked into, I + must make a somewhat vain attempt to describe. + </p> + <p> + If, for instance, it was a book of metaphysics I opened, I had scarcely + read two pages before I seemed to myself to be pondering over discovered + truth, and constructing the intellectual machine whereby to communicate + the discovery to my fellow men. With some books, however, of this nature, + it seemed rather as if the process was removed yet a great way further + back; and I was trying to find the root of a manifestation, the spiritual + truth whence a material vision sprang; or to combine two propositions, + both apparently true, either at once or in different remembered moods, and + to find the point in which their invisibly converging lines would unite in + one, revealing a truth higher than either and differing from both; though + so far from being opposed to either, that it was that whence each derived + its life and power. Or if the book was one of travels, I found myself the + traveller. New lands, fresh experiences, novel customs, rose around me. I + walked, I discovered, I fought, I suffered, I rejoiced in my success. Was + it a history? I was the chief actor therein. I suffered my own blame; I + was glad in my own praise. With a fiction it was the same. Mine was the + whole story. For I took the place of the character who was most like + myself, and his story was mine; until, grown weary with the life of years + condensed in an hour, or arrived at my deathbed, or the end of the volume, + I would awake, with a sudden bewilderment, to the consciousness of my + present life, recognising the walls and roof around me, and finding I + joyed or sorrowed only in a book. If the book was a poem, the words + disappeared, or took the subordinate position of an accompaniment to the + succession of forms and images that rose and vanished with a soundless + rhythm, and a hidden rime. + </p> + <p> + In one, with a mystical title, which I cannot recall, I read of a world + that is not like ours. The wondrous account, in such a feeble, fragmentary + way as is possible to me, I would willingly impart. Whether or not it was + all a poem, I cannot tell; but, from the impulse I felt, when I first + contemplated writing it, to break into rime, to which impulse I shall give + way if it comes upon me again, I think it must have been, partly at least, + in verse. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0012" id="link2HCH0012"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Chained is the Spring. The night-wind bold + Blows over the hard earth; + Time is not more confused and cold, + Nor keeps more wintry mirth. + + “Yet blow, and roll the world about; + Blow, Time—blow, winter’s Wind! + Through chinks of Time, heaven peepeth out, + And Spring the frost behind.” + G. E. M. +</pre> + <p> + They who believe in the influences of the stars over the fates of men, + are, in feeling at least, nearer the truth than they who regard the + heavenly bodies as related to them merely by a common obedience to an + external law. All that man sees has to do with man. Worlds cannot be + without an intermundane relationship. The community of the centre of all + creation suggests an interradiating connection and dependence of the + parts. Else a grander idea is conceivable than that which is already + imbodied. The blank, which is only a forgotten life, lying behind the + consciousness, and the misty splendour, which is an undeveloped life, + lying before it, may be full of mysterious revelations of other connexions + with the worlds around us, than those of science and poetry. No shining + belt or gleaming moon, no red and green glory in a self-encircling + twin-star, but has a relation with the hidden things of a man’s soul, and, + it may be, with the secret history of his body as well. They are portions + of the living house wherein he abides. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Through the realms of the monarch Sun + Creeps a world, whose course had begun, + On a weary path with a weary pace, + Before the Earth sprang forth on her race: + But many a time the Earth had sped + Around the path she still must tread, + Ere the elder planet, on leaden wing, + Once circled the court of the planet’s king. + + There, in that lonely and distant star, + The seasons are not as our seasons are; + But many a year hath Autumn to dress + The trees in their matron loveliness; + As long hath old Winter in triumph to go + O’er beauties dead in his vaults below; + And many a year the Spring doth wear + Combing the icicles from her hair; + And Summer, dear Summer, hath years of June, + With large white clouds, and cool showers at noon: + And a beauty that grows to a weight like grief, + Till a burst of tears is the heart’s relief. + + Children, born when Winter is king, + May never rejoice in the hoping Spring; + Though their own heart-buds are bursting with joy, + And the child hath grown to the girl or boy; + But may die with cold and icy hours + Watching them ever in place of flowers. + And some who awake from their primal sleep, + When the sighs of Summer through forests creep, + Live, and love, and are loved again; + Seek for pleasure, and find its pain; + Sink to their last, their forsaken sleeping, + With the same sweet odours around them creeping. +</pre> + <p> + Now the children, there, are not born as the children are born in worlds + nearer to the sun. For they arrive no one knows how. A maiden, walking + alone, hears a cry: for even there a cry is the first utterance; and + searching about, she findeth, under an overhanging rock, or within a clump + of bushes, or, it may be, betwixt gray stones on the side of a hill, or in + any other sheltered and unexpected spot, a little child. This she taketh + tenderly, and beareth home with joy, calling out, “Mother, mother”—if + so be that her mother lives—“I have got a baby—I have found a + child!” All the household gathers round to see;—“<i>Where is it? What + is it like? Where did you find it?</i>” and such-like questions, abounding. + And thereupon she relates the whole story of the discovery; for by the + circumstances, such as season of the year, time of the day, condition of + the air, and such like, and, especially, the peculiar and never-repeated + aspect of the heavens and earth at the time, and the nature of the place + of shelter wherein it is found, is determined, or at least indicated, the + nature of the child thus discovered. Therefore, at certain seasons, and in + certain states of the weather, according, in part, to their own fancy, the + young women go out to look for children. They generally avoid seeking + them, though they cannot help sometimes finding them, in places and with + circumstances uncongenial to their peculiar likings. But no sooner is a + child found, than its claim for protection and nurture obliterates all + feeling of choice in the matter. Chiefly, however, in the season of + summer, which lasts so long, coming as it does after such long intervals; + and mostly in the warm evenings, about the middle of twilight; and + principally in the woods and along the river banks, do the maidens go + looking for children just as children look for flowers. And ever as the + child grows, yea, more and more as he advances in years, will his face + indicate to those who understand the spirit of Nature, and her utterances + in the face of the world, the nature of the place of his birth, and the + other circumstances thereof; whether a clear morning sun guided his mother + to the nook whence issued the boy’s low cry; or at eve the lonely maiden + (for the same woman never finds a second, at least while the first lives) + discovers the girl by the glimmer of her white skin, lying in a nest like + that of the lark, amid long encircling grasses, and the upward-gazing eyes + of the lowly daisies; whether the storm bowed the forest trees around, or + the still frost fixed in silence the else flowing and babbling stream. + </p> + <p> + After they grow up, the men and women are but little together. There is + this peculiar difference between them, which likewise distinguishes the + women from those of the earth. The men alone have arms; the women have + only wings. Resplendent wings are they, wherein they can shroud themselves + from head to foot in a panoply of glistering glory. By these wings alone, + it may frequently be judged in what seasons, and under what aspects, they + were born. From those that came in winter, go great white wings, white as + snow; the edge of every feather shining like the sheen of silver, so that + they flash and glitter like frost in the sun. But underneath, they are + tinged with a faint pink or rose-colour. Those born in spring have wings + of a brilliant green, green as grass; and towards the edges the feathers + are enamelled like the surface of the grass-blades. These again are white + within. Those that are born in summer have wings of a deep rose-colour, + lined with pale gold. And those born in autumn have purple wings, with a + rich brown on the inside. But these colours are modified and altered in + all varieties, corresponding to the mood of the day and hour, as well as + the season of the year; and sometimes I found the various colours so + intermingled, that I could not determine even the season, though doubtless + the hieroglyphic could be deciphered by more experienced eyes. One + splendour, in particular, I remember—wings of deep carmine, with an + inner down of warm gray, around a form of brilliant whiteness. + </p> + <p> + She had been found as the sun went down through a low sea-fog, casting + crimson along a broad sea-path into a little cave on the shore, where a + bathing maiden saw her lying. + </p> + <p> + But though I speak of sun and fog, and sea and shore, the world there is + in some respects very different from the earth whereon men live. For + instance, the waters reflect no forms. To the unaccustomed eye they + appear, if undisturbed, like the surface of a dark metal, only that the + latter would reflect indistinctly, whereas they reflect not at all, except + light which falls immediately upon them. This has a great effect in + causing the landscapes to differ from those on the earth. On the stillest + evening, no tall ship on the sea sends a long wavering reflection almost + to the feet of him on shore; the face of no maiden brightens at its own + beauty in a still forest-well. The sun and moon alone make a glitter on + the surface. The sea is like a sea of death, ready to ingulf and never to + reveal: a visible shadow of oblivion. Yet the women sport in its waters + like gorgeous sea-birds. The men more rarely enter them. But, on the + contrary, the sky reflects everything beneath it, as if it were built of + water like ours. Of course, from its concavity there is some distortion of + the reflected objects; yet wondrous combinations of form are often to be + seen in the overhanging depth. And then it is not shaped so much like a + round dome as the sky of the earth, but, more of an egg-shape, rises to a + great towering height in the middle, appearing far more lofty than the + other. When the stars come out at night, it shows a mighty cupola, + “fretted with golden fires,” wherein there is room for all tempests to + rush and rave. + </p> + <p> + One evening in early summer, I stood with a group of men and women on a + steep rock that overhung the sea. They were all questioning me about my + world and the ways thereof. In making reply to one of their questions, I + was compelled to say that children are not born in the Earth as with them. + Upon this I was assailed with a whole battery of inquiries, which at first + I tried to avoid; but, at last, I was compelled, in the vaguest manner I + could invent, to make some approach to the subject in question. + Immediately a dim notion of what I meant, seemed to dawn in the minds of + most of the women. Some of them folded their great wings all around them, + as they generally do when in the least offended, and stood erect and + motionless. One spread out her rosy pinions, and flashed from the + promontory into the gulf at its foot. A great light shone in the eyes of + one maiden, who turned and walked slowly away, with her purple and white + wings half dispread behind her. She was found, the next morning, dead + beneath a withered tree on a bare hill-side, some miles inland. They + buried her where she lay, as is their custom; for, before they die, they + instinctively search for a spot like the place of their birth, and having + found one that satisfies them, they lie down, fold their wings around + them, if they be women, or cross their arms over their breasts, if they + are men, just as if they were going to sleep; and so sleep indeed. The + sign or cause of coming death is an indescribable longing for something, + they know not what, which seizes them, and drives them into solitude, + consuming them within, till the body fails. When a youth and a maiden look + too deep into each other’s eyes, this longing seizes and possesses them; + but instead of drawing nearer to each other, they wander away, each alone, + into solitary places, and die of their desire. But it seems to me, that + thereafter they are born babes upon our earth: where, if, when grown, they + find each other, it goes well with them; if not, it will seem to go ill. + But of this I know nothing. When I told them that the women on the Earth + had not wings like them, but arms, they stared, and said how bold and + masculine they must look; not knowing that their wings, glorious as they + are, are but undeveloped arms. + </p> + <p> + But see the power of this book, that, while recounting what I can recall + of its contents, I write as if myself had visited the far-off planet, + learned its ways and appearances, and conversed with its men and women. + And so, while writing, it seemed to me that I had. + </p> + <p> + The book goes on with the story of a maiden, who, born at the close of + autumn, and living in a long, to her endless winter, set out at last to + find the regions of spring; for, as in our earth, the seasons are divided + over the globe. It begins something like this: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + She watched them dying for many a day, + Dropping from off the old trees away, + One by one; or else in a shower + Crowding over the withered flower + For as if they had done some grievous wrong, + The sun, that had nursed them and loved them so long, + Grew weary of loving, and, turning back, + Hastened away on his southern track; + And helplessly hung each shrivelled leaf, + Faded away with an idle grief. + And the gusts of wind, sad Autumn’s sighs, + Mournfully swept through their families; + Casting away with a helpless moan + All that he yet might call his own, + As the child, when his bird is gone for ever, + Flingeth the cage on the wandering river. + And the giant trees, as bare as Death, + Slowly bowed to the great Wind’s breath; + And groaned with trying to keep from groaning + Amidst the young trees bending and moaning. + And the ancient planet’s mighty sea + Was heaving and falling most restlessly, + And the tops of the waves were broken and white, + Tossing about to ease their might; + And the river was striving to reach the main, + And the ripple was hurrying back again. + Nature lived in sadness now; + Sadness lived on the maiden’s brow, + As she watched, with a fixed, half-conscious eye, + One lonely leaf that trembled on high, + Till it dropped at last from the desolate bough— + Sorrow, oh, sorrow! ‘tis winter now. + And her tears gushed forth, though it was but a leaf, + For little will loose the swollen fountain of grief: + When up to the lip the water goes, + It needs but a drop, and it overflows. + + Oh! many and many a dreary year + Must pass away ere the buds appear: + Many a night of darksome sorrow + Yield to the light of a joyless morrow, + Ere birds again, on the clothed trees, + Shall fill the branches with melodies. + She will dream of meadows with wakeful streams; + Of wavy grass in the sunny beams; + Of hidden wells that soundless spring, + Hoarding their joy as a holy thing; + Of founts that tell it all day long + To the listening woods, with exultant song; + She will dream of evenings that die into nights, + Where each sense is filled with its own delights, + And the soul is still as the vaulted sky, + Lulled with an inner harmony; + + And the flowers give out to the dewy night, + Changed into perfume, the gathered light; + And the darkness sinks upon all their host, + Till the sun sail up on the eastern coast— + She will wake and see the branches bare, + Weaving a net in the frozen air. +</pre> + <p> + The story goes on to tell how, at last, weary with wintriness, she + travelled towards the southern regions of her globe, to meet the spring on + its slow way northwards; and how, after many sad adventures, many + disappointed hopes, and many tears, bitter and fruitless, she found at + last, one stormy afternoon, in a leafless forest, a single snowdrop + growing betwixt the borders of the winter and spring. She lay down beside + it and died. I almost believe that a child, pale and peaceful as a + snowdrop, was born in the Earth within a fixed season from that stormy + afternoon. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0013" id="link2HCH0013"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XIII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “I saw a ship sailing upon the sea + Deeply laden as ship could be; + But not so deep as in love I am + For I care not whether I sink or swim.” + Old Ballad. + + “But Love is such a Mystery + I cannot find it out: + For when I think I’m best resolv’d, + I then am in most doubt.” + SIR JOHN SUCKLING. +</pre> + <p> + One story I will try to reproduce. But, alas! it is like trying to + reconstruct a forest out of broken branches and withered leaves. In the + fairy book, everything was just as it should be, though whether in words + or something else, I cannot tell. It glowed and flashed the thoughts upon + the soul, with such a power that the medium disappeared from the + consciousness, and it was occupied only with the things themselves. My + representation of it must resemble a translation from a rich and powerful + language, capable of embodying the thoughts of a splendidly developed + people, into the meagre and half-articulate speech of a savage tribe. Of + course, while I read it, I was Cosmo, and his history was mine. Yet, all + the time, I seemed to have a kind of double consciousness, and the story a + double meaning. Sometimes it seemed only to represent a simple story of + ordinary life, perhaps almost of universal life; wherein two souls, loving + each other and longing to come nearer, do, after all, but behold each + other as in a glass darkly. + </p> + <p> + As through the hard rock go the branching silver veins; as into the solid + land run the creeks and gulfs from the unresting sea; as the lights and + influences of the upper worlds sink silently through the earth’s + atmosphere; so doth Faerie invade the world of men, and sometimes startle + the common eye with an association as of cause and effect, when between + the two no connecting links can be traced. + </p> + <p> + Cosmo von Wehrstahl was a student at the University of Prague. Though of a + noble family, he was poor, and prided himself upon the independence that + poverty gives; for what will not a man pride himself upon, when he cannot + get rid of it? A favourite with his fellow students, he yet had no + companions; and none of them had ever crossed the threshold of his lodging + in the top of one of the highest houses in the old town. Indeed, the + secret of much of that complaisance which recommended him to his fellows, + was the thought of his unknown retreat, whither in the evening he could + betake himself and indulge undisturbed in his own studies and reveries. + These studies, besides those subjects necessary to his course at the + University, embraced some less commonly known and approved; for in a + secret drawer lay the works of Albertus Magnus and Cornelius Agrippa, + along with others less read and more abstruse. As yet, however, he had + followed these researches only from curiosity, and had turned them to no + practical purpose. + </p> + <p> + His lodging consisted of one large low-ceiled room, singularly bare of + furniture; for besides a couple of wooden chairs, a couch which served for + dreaming on both by day and night, and a great press of black oak, there + was very little in the room that could be called furniture. + </p> + <p> + But curious instruments were heaped in the corners; and in one stood a + skeleton, half-leaning against the wall, half-supported by a string about + its neck. One of its hands, all of fingers, rested on the heavy pommel of + a great sword that stood beside it. + </p> + <p> + Various weapons were scattered about over the floor. The walls were + utterly bare of adornment; for the few strange things, such as a large + dried bat with wings dispread, the skin of a porcupine, and a stuffed + sea-mouse, could hardly be reckoned as such. But although his fancy + delighted in vagaries like these, he indulged his imagination with far + different fare. His mind had never yet been filled with an absorbing + passion; but it lay like a still twilight open to any wind, whether the + low breath that wafts but odours, or the storm that bows the great trees + till they strain and creak. He saw everything as through a rose-coloured + glass. When he looked from his window on the street below, not a maiden + passed but she moved as in a story, and drew his thoughts after her till + she disappeared in the vista. When he walked in the streets, he always + felt as if reading a tale, into which he sought to weave every face of + interest that went by; and every sweet voice swept his soul as with the + wing of a passing angel. He was in fact a poet without words; the more + absorbed and endangered, that the springing-waters were dammed back into + his soul, where, finding no utterance, they grew, and swelled, and + undermined. He used to lie on his hard couch, and read a tale or a poem, + till the book dropped from his hand; but he dreamed on, he knew not + whether awake or asleep, until the opposite roof grew upon his sense, and + turned golden in the sunrise. Then he arose too; and the impulses of + vigorous youth kept him ever active, either in study or in sport, until + again the close of the day left him free; and the world of night, which + had lain drowned in the cataract of the day, rose up in his soul, with all + its stars, and dim-seen phantom shapes. But this could hardly last long. + Some one form must sooner or later step within the charmed circle, enter + the house of life, and compel the bewildered magician to kneel and + worship. + </p> + <p> + One afternoon, towards dusk, he was wandering dreamily in one of the + principal streets, when a fellow student roused him by a slap on the + shoulder, and asked him to accompany him into a little back alley to look + at some old armour which he had taken a fancy to possess. Cosmo was + considered an authority in every matter pertaining to arms, ancient or + modern. In the use of weapons, none of the students could come near him; + and his practical acquaintance with some had principally contributed to + establish his authority in reference to all. He accompanied him willingly. + </p> + <p> + They entered a narrow alley, and thence a dirty little court, where a low + arched door admitted them into a heterogeneous assemblage of everything + musty, and dusty, and old, that could well be imagined. His verdict on the + armour was satisfactory, and his companion at once concluded the purchase. + As they were leaving the place, Cosmo’s eye was attracted by an old mirror + of an elliptical shape, which leaned against the wall, covered with dust. + Around it was some curious carving, which he could see but very + indistinctly by the glimmering light which the owner of the shop carried + in his hand. It was this carving that attracted his attention; at least so + it appeared to him. He left the place, however, with his friend, taking no + further notice of it. They walked together to the main street, where they + parted and took opposite directions. + </p> + <p> + No sooner was Cosmo left alone, than the thought of the curious old mirror + returned to him. A strong desire to see it more plainly arose within him, + and he directed his steps once more towards the shop. The owner opened the + door when he knocked, as if he had expected him. He was a little, old, + withered man, with a hooked nose, and burning eyes constantly in a slow + restless motion, and looking here and there as if after something that + eluded them. Pretending to examine several other articles, Cosmo at last + approached the mirror, and requested to have it taken down. + </p> + <p> + “Take it down yourself, master; I cannot reach it,” said the old man. + </p> + <p> + Cosmo took it down carefully, when he saw that the carving was indeed + delicate and costly, being both of admirable design and execution; + containing withal many devices which seemed to embody some meaning to + which he had no clue. This, naturally, in one of his tastes and + temperament, increased the interest he felt in the old mirror; so much, + indeed, that he now longed to possess it, in order to study its frame at + his leisure. He pretended, however, to want it only for use; and saying he + feared the plate could be of little service, as it was rather old, he + brushed away a little of the dust from its face, expecting to see a dull + reflection within. His surprise was great when he found the reflection + brilliant, revealing a glass not only uninjured by age, but wondrously + clear and perfect (should the whole correspond to this part) even for one + newly from the hands of the maker. He asked carelessly what the owner + wanted for the thing. The old man replied by mentioning a sum of money far + beyond the reach of poor Cosmo, who proceeded to replace the mirror where + it had stood before. + </p> + <p> + “You think the price too high?” said the old man. + </p> + <p> + “I do not know that it is too much for you to ask,” replied Cosmo; “but it + is far too much for me to give.” + </p> + <p> + The old man held up his light towards Cosmo’s face. “I like your look,” + said he. + </p> + <p> + Cosmo could not return the compliment. In fact, now he looked closely at + him for the first time, he felt a kind of repugnance to him, mingled with + a strange feeling of doubt whether a man or a woman stood before him. + </p> + <p> + “What is your name?” he continued. + </p> + <p> + “Cosmo von Wehrstahl.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, ah! I thought as much. I see your father in you. I knew your father + very well, young sir. I dare say in some odd corners of my house, you + might find some old things with his crest and cipher upon them still. + Well, I like you: you shall have the mirror at the fourth part of what I + asked for it; but upon one condition.” + </p> + <p> + “What is that?” said Cosmo; for, although the price was still a great deal + for him to give, he could just manage it; and the desire to possess the + mirror had increased to an altogether unaccountable degree, since it had + seemed beyond his reach. + </p> + <p> + “That if you should ever want to get rid of it again, you will let me have + the first offer.” + </p> + <p> + “Certainly,” replied Cosmo, with a smile; adding, “a moderate condition + indeed.” + </p> + <p> + “On your honour?” insisted the seller. + </p> + <p> + “On my honour,” said the buyer; and the bargain was concluded. + </p> + <p> + “I will carry it home for you,” said the old man, as Cosmo took it in his + hands. + </p> + <p> + “No, no; I will carry it myself,” said he; for he had a peculiar dislike + to revealing his residence to any one, and more especially to this person, + to whom he felt every moment a greater antipathy. “Just as you please,” + said the old creature, and muttered to himself as he held his light at the + door to show him out of the court: “Sold for the sixth time! I wonder what + will be the upshot of it this time. I should think my lady had enough of + it by now!” + </p> + <p> + Cosmo carried his prize carefully home. But all the way he had an + uncomfortable feeling that he was watched and dogged. Repeatedly he looked + about, but saw nothing to justify his suspicions. Indeed, the streets were + too crowded and too ill lighted to expose very readily a careful spy, if + such there should be at his heels. He reached his lodging in safety, and + leaned his purchase against the wall, rather relieved, strong as he was, + to be rid of its weight; then, lighting his pipe, threw himself on the + couch, and was soon lapt in the folds of one of his haunting dreams. + </p> + <p> + He returned home earlier than usual the next day, and fixed the mirror to + the wall, over the hearth, at one end of his long room. + </p> + <p> + He then carefully wiped away the dust from its face, and, clear as the + water of a sunny spring, the mirror shone out from beneath the envious + covering. But his interest was chiefly occupied with the curious carving + of the frame. This he cleaned as well as he could with a brush; and then + he proceeded to a minute examination of its various parts, in the hope of + discovering some index to the intention of the carver. In this, however, + he was unsuccessful; and, at length, pausing with some weariness and + disappointment, he gazed vacantly for a few moments into the depth of the + reflected room. But ere long he said, half aloud: “What a strange thing a + mirror is! and what a wondrous affinity exists between it and a man’s + imagination! For this room of mine, as I behold it in the glass, is the + same, and yet not the same. It is not the mere representation of the room + I live in, but it looks just as if I were reading about it in a story I + like. All its commonness has disappeared. The mirror has lifted it out of + the region of fact into the realm of art; and the very representing of it + to me has clothed with interest that which was otherwise hard and bare; + just as one sees with delight upon the stage the representation of a + character from which one would escape in life as from something + unendurably wearisome. But is it not rather that art rescues nature from + the weary and sated regards of our senses, and the degrading injustice of + our anxious everyday life, and, appealing to the imagination, which dwells + apart, reveals Nature in some degree as she really is, and as she + represents herself to the eye of the child, whose every-day life, fearless + and unambitious, meets the true import of the wonder-teeming world around + him, and rejoices therein without questioning? That skeleton, now—I + almost fear it, standing there so still, with eyes only for the unseen, + like a watch-tower looking across all the waste of this busy world into + the quiet regions of rest beyond. And yet I know every bone and every + joint in it as well as my own fist. And that old battle-axe looks as if + any moment it might be caught up by a mailed hand, and, borne forth by the + mighty arm, go crashing through casque, and skull, and brain, invading the + Unknown with yet another bewildered ghost. I should like to live in <i>that</i> + room if I could only get into it.” + </p> + <p> + Scarcely had the half-moulded words floated from him, as he stood gazing + into the mirror, when, striking him as with a flash of amazement that + fixed him in his posture, noiseless and unannounced, glided suddenly + through the door into the reflected room, with stately motion, yet + reluctant and faltering step, the graceful form of a woman, clothed all in + white. Her back only was visible as she walked slowly up to the couch in + the further end of the room, on which she laid herself wearily, turning + towards him a face of unutterable loveliness, in which suffering, and + dislike, and a sense of compulsion, strangely mingled with the beauty. He + stood without the power of motion for some moments, with his eyes + irrecoverably fixed upon her; and even after he was conscious of the + ability to move, he could not summon up courage to turn and look on her, + face to face, in the veritable chamber in which he stood. At length, with + a sudden effort, in which the exercise of the will was so pure, that it + seemed involuntary, he turned his face to the couch. It was vacant. In + bewilderment, mingled with terror, he turned again to the mirror: there, + on the reflected couch, lay the exquisite lady-form. She lay with closed + eyes, whence two large tears were just welling from beneath the veiling + lids; still as death, save for the convulsive motion of her bosom. + </p> + <p> + Cosmo himself could not have described what he felt. His emotions were of + a kind that destroyed consciousness, and could never be clearly recalled. + He could not help standing yet by the mirror, and keeping his eyes fixed + on the lady, though he was painfully aware of his rudeness, and feared + every moment that she would open hers, and meet his fixed regard. But he + was, ere long, a little relieved; for, after a while, her eyelids slowly + rose, and her eyes remained uncovered, but unemployed for a time; and + when, at length, they began to wander about the room, as if languidly + seeking to make some acquaintance with her environment, they were never + directed towards him: it seemed nothing but what was in the mirror could + affect her vision; and, therefore, if she saw him at all, it could only be + his back, which, of necessity, was turned towards her in the glass. The + two figures in the mirror could not meet face to face, except he turned + and looked at her, present in his room; and, as she was not there, he + concluded that if he were to turn towards the part in his room + corresponding to that in which she lay, his reflection would either be + invisible to her altogether, or at least it must appear to her to gaze + vacantly towards her, and no meeting of the eyes would produce the + impression of spiritual proximity. By-and-by her eyes fell upon the + skeleton, and he saw her shudder and close them. She did not open them + again, but signs of repugnance continued evident on her countenance. Cosmo + would have removed the obnoxious thing at once, but he feared to + discompose her yet more by the assertion of his presence which the act + would involve. So he stood and watched her. The eyelids yet shrouded the + eyes, as a costly case the jewels within; the troubled expression + gradually faded from the countenance, leaving only a faint sorrow behind; + the features settled into an unchanging expression of rest; and by these + signs, and the slow regular motion of her breathing, Cosmo knew that she + slept. He could now gaze on her without embarrassment. He saw that her + figure, dressed in the simplest robe of white, was worthy of her face; and + so harmonious, that either the delicately moulded foot, or any finger of + the equally delicate hand, was an index to the whole. As she lay, her + whole form manifested the relaxation of perfect repose. He gazed till he + was weary, and at last seated himself near the new-found shrine, and + mechanically took up a book, like one who watches by a sick-bed. But his + eyes gathered no thoughts from the page before him. His intellect had been + stunned by the bold contradiction, to its face, of all its experience, and + now lay passive, without assertion, or speculation, or even conscious + astonishment; while his imagination sent one wild dream of blessedness + after another coursing through his soul. How long he sat he knew not; but + at length he roused himself, rose, and, trembling in every portion of his + frame, looked again into the mirror. She was gone. The mirror reflected + faithfully what his room presented, and nothing more. It stood there like + a golden setting whence the central jewel has been stolen away—like + a night-sky without the glory of its stars. She had carried with her all + the strangeness of the reflected room. It had sunk to the level of the one + without. + </p> + <p> + But when the first pangs of his disappointment had passed, Cosmo began to + comfort himself with the hope that she might return, perhaps the next + evening, at the same hour. Resolving that if she did, she should not at + least be scared by the hateful skeleton, he removed that and several other + articles of questionable appearance into a recess by the side of the + hearth, whence they could not possibly cast any reflection into the + mirror; and having made his poor room as tidy as he could, sought the + solace of the open sky and of a night wind that had begun to blow, for he + could not rest where he was. When he returned, somewhat composed, he could + hardly prevail with himself to lie down on his bed; for he could not help + feeling as if she had lain upon it; and for him to lie there now would be + something like sacrilege. However, weariness prevailed; and laying himself + on the couch, dressed as he was, he slept till day. + </p> + <p> + With a beating heart, beating till he could hardly breathe, he stood in + dumb hope before the mirror, on the following evening. Again the reflected + room shone as through a purple vapour in the gathering twilight. + Everything seemed waiting like himself for a coming splendour to glorify + its poor earthliness with the presence of a heavenly joy. And just as the + room vibrated with the strokes of the neighbouring church bell, announcing + the hour of six, in glided the pale beauty, and again laid herself on the + couch. Poor Cosmo nearly lost his senses with delight. She was there once + more! Her eyes sought the corner where the skeleton had stood, and a faint + gleam of satisfaction crossed her face, apparently at seeing it empty. She + looked suffering still, but there was less of discomfort expressed in her + countenance than there had been the night before. She took more notice of + the things about her, and seemed to gaze with some curiosity on the + strange apparatus standing here and there in her room. At length, however, + drowsiness seemed to overtake her, and again she fell asleep. Resolved not + to lose sight of her this time, Cosmo watched the sleeping form. Her + slumber was so deep and absorbing that a fascinating repose seemed to pass + contagiously from her to him as he gazed upon her; and he started as if + from a dream, when the lady moved, and, without opening her eyes, rose, + and passed from the room with the gait of a somnambulist. + </p> + <p> + Cosmo was now in a state of extravagant delight. Most men have a secret + treasure somewhere. The miser has his golden hoard; the virtuoso his pet + ring; the student his rare book; the poet his favourite haunt; the lover + his secret drawer; but Cosmo had a mirror with a lovely lady in it. And + now that he knew by the skeleton, that she was affected by the things + around her, he had a new object in life: he would turn the bare chamber in + the mirror into a room such as no lady need disdain to call her own. This + he could effect only by furnishing and adorning his. And Cosmo was poor. + Yet he possessed accomplishments that could be turned to account; + although, hitherto, he had preferred living on his slender allowance, to + increasing his means by what his pride considered unworthy of his rank. He + was the best swordsman in the University; and now he offered to give + lessons in fencing and similar exercises, to such as chose to pay him well + for the trouble. His proposal was heard with surprise by the students; but + it was eagerly accepted by many; and soon his instructions were not + confined to the richer students, but were anxiously sought by many of the + young nobility of Prague and its neighbourhood. So that very soon he had a + good deal of money at his command. The first thing he did was to remove + his apparatus and oddities into a closet in the room. Then he placed his + bed and a few other necessaries on each side of the hearth, and parted + them from the rest of the room by two screens of Indian fabric. Then he + put an elegant couch for the lady to lie upon, in the corner where his bed + had formerly stood; and, by degrees, every day adding some article of + luxury, converted it, at length, into a rich boudoir. + </p> + <p> + Every night, about the same time, the lady entered. The first time she saw + the new couch, she started with a half-smile; then her face grew very sad, + the tears came to her eyes, and she laid herself upon the couch, and + pressed her face into the silken cushions, as if to hide from everything. + She took notice of each addition and each change as the work proceeded; + and a look of acknowledgment, as if she knew that some one was ministering + to her, and was grateful for it, mingled with the constant look of + suffering. At length, after she had lain down as usual one evening, her + eyes fell upon some paintings with which Cosmo had just finished adorning + the walls. She rose, and to his great delight, walked across the room, and + proceeded to examine them carefully, testifying much pleasure in her looks + as she did so. But again the sorrowful, tearful expression returned, and + again she buried her face in the pillows of her couch. Gradually, however, + her countenance had grown more composed; much of the suffering manifest on + her first appearance had vanished, and a kind of quiet, hopeful expression + had taken its place; which, however, frequently gave way to an anxious, + troubled look, mingled with something of sympathetic pity. + </p> + <p> + Meantime, how fared Cosmo? As might be expected in one of his temperament, + his interest had blossomed into love, and his love—shall I call it + <i>ripened</i>, or—<i>withered</i> into passion. But, alas! he loved a shadow. He + could not come near her, could not speak to her, could not hear a sound + from those sweet lips, to which his longing eyes would cling like bees to + their honey-founts. Ever and anon he sang to himself: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “I shall die for love of the maiden;” + </pre> + <p> + and ever he looked again, and died not, though his heart seemed ready to + break with intensity of life and longing. And the more he did for her, the + more he loved her; and he hoped that, although she never appeared to see + him, yet she was pleased to think that one unknown would give his life to + her. He tried to comfort himself over his separation from her, by thinking + that perhaps some day she would see him and make signs to him, and that + would satisfy him; “for,” thought he, “is not this all that a loving soul + can do to enter into communion with another? Nay, how many who love never + come nearer than to behold each other as in a mirror; seem to know and yet + never know the inward life; never enter the other soul; and part at last, + with but the vaguest notion of the universe on the borders of which they + have been hovering for years? If I could but speak to her, and knew that + she heard me, I should be satisfied.” Once he contemplated painting a + picture on the wall, which should, of necessity, convey to the lady a + thought of himself; but, though he had some skill with the pencil, he + found his hand tremble so much when he began the attempt, that he was + forced to give it up. . . . . . + </p> +<p> + “Who lives, he dies; who dies, he is alive.” + </p> +<p> +One evening, as he stood gazing on his treasure, he thought he +saw a faint expression of self-consciousness on her countenance, as if +she surmised that passionate eyes were fixed upon her. This grew; till +at last the red blood rose over her neck, and cheek, and brow. Cosmo’s +longing to approach her became almost delirious. This night she was +dressed in an evening costume, resplendent with diamonds. This could add +nothing to her beauty, but it presented it in a new aspect; enabled her +loveliness to make a new manifestation of itself in a new embodiment. +For essential beauty is infinite; and, as the soul of Nature needs an +endless succession of varied forms to embody her loveliness, countless +faces of beauty springing forth, not any two the same, at any one of +her heart-throbs; so the individual form needs an infinite change of its +environments, to enable it to uncover all the phases of its loveliness. +Diamonds glittered from amidst her hair, half hidden in its luxuriance, +like stars through dark rain-clouds; and the bracelets on her white arms +flashed all the colours of a rainbow of lightnings, as she lifted her +snowy hands to cover her burning face. But her beauty shone down all its +adornment. “If I might have but one of her feet to kiss,” thought Cosmo, +“I should be content.” Alas! he deceived himself, for passion is never +content. Nor did he know that there are <i>two</i> ways out of her enchanted +house. But, suddenly, as if the pang had been driven into his heart +from without, revealing itself first in pain, and afterwards in definite +form, the thought darted into his mind, “She has a lover somewhere. +Remembered words of his bring the colour on her face now. I am nowhere +to her. She lives in another world all day, and all night, after she +leaves me. Why does she come and make me love her, till I, a strong man, +am too faint to look upon her more?” He looked again, and her face was +pale as a lily. A sorrowful compassion seemed to rebuke the glitter of +the restless jewels, and the slow tears rose in her eyes. She left her +room sooner this evening than was her wont. Cosmo remained alone, with a +feeling as if his bosom had been suddenly left empty and hollow, and the +weight of the whole world was crushing in its walls. The next evening, +for the first time since she began to come, she came not. +</p> + <p> + And now Cosmo was in wretched plight. Since the thought of a rival had + occurred to him, he could not rest for a moment. More than ever he longed + to see the lady face to face. He persuaded himself that if he but knew the + worst he would be satisfied; for then he could abandon Prague, and find + that relief in constant motion, which is the hope of all active minds when + invaded by distress. Meantime he waited with unspeakable anxiety for the + next night, hoping she would return: but she did not appear. And now he + fell really ill. Rallied by his fellow students on his wretched looks, he + ceased to attend the lectures. His engagements were neglected. He cared + for nothing. The sky, with the great sun in it, was to him a heartless, + burning desert. The men and women in the streets were mere puppets, + without motives in themselves, or interest to him. He saw them all as on + the ever-changing field of a <i>camera obscura</i>. She—she alone and + altogether—was his universe, his well of life, his incarnate good. + For six evenings she came not. Let his absorbing passion, and the slow + fever that was consuming his brain, be his excuse for the resolution which + he had taken and begun to execute, before that time had expired. + </p> + <p> + Reasoning with himself, that it must be by some enchantment connected with + the mirror, that the form of the lady was to be seen in it, he determined + to attempt to turn to account what he had hitherto studied principally + from curiosity. “For,” said he to himself, “if a spell can force her + presence in that glass (and she came unwillingly at first), may not a + stronger spell, such as I know, especially with the aid of her + half-presence in the mirror, if ever she appears again, compel her living + form to come to me here? If I do her wrong, let love be my excuse. I want + only to know my doom from her own lips.” He never doubted, all the time, + that she was a real earthly woman; or, rather, that there was a woman, + who, somehow or other, threw this reflection of her form into the magic + mirror. + </p> + <p> + He opened his secret drawer, took out his books of magic, lighted his + lamp, and read and made notes from midnight till three in the morning, for + three successive nights. Then he replaced his books; and the next night + went out in quest of the materials necessary for the conjuration. These + were not easy to find; for, in love-charms and all incantations of this + nature, ingredients are employed scarcely fit to be mentioned, and for the + thought even of which, in connexion with her, he could only excuse himself + on the score of his bitter need. At length he succeeded in procuring all + he required; and on the seventh evening from that on which she had last + appeared, he found himself prepared for the exercise of unlawful and + tyrannical power. + </p> + <p> + He cleared the centre of the room; stooped and drew a circle of red on the + floor, around the spot where he stood; wrote in the four quarters mystical + signs, and numbers which were all powers of seven or nine; examined the + whole ring carefully, to see that no smallest break had occurred in the + circumference; and then rose from his bending posture. As he rose, the + church clock struck seven; and, just as she had appeared the first time, + reluctant, slow, and stately, glided in the lady. Cosmo trembled; and + when, turning, she revealed a countenance worn and wan, as with sickness + or inward trouble, he grew faint, and felt as if he dared not proceed. But + as he gazed on the face and form, which now possessed his whole soul, to + the exclusion of all other joys and griefs, the longing to speak to her, + to know that she heard him, to hear from her one word in return, became so + unendurable, that he suddenly and hastily resumed his preparations. + Stepping carefully from the circle, he put a small brazier into its + centre. He then set fire to its contents of charcoal, and while it burned + up, opened his window and seated himself, waiting, beside it. + </p> + <p> + It was a sultry evening. The air was full of thunder. A sense of luxurious + depression filled the brain. The sky seemed to have grown heavy, and to + compress the air beneath it. A kind of purplish tinge pervaded the + atmosphere, and through the open window came the scents of the distant + fields, which all the vapours of the city could not quench. Soon the + charcoal glowed. Cosmo sprinkled upon it the incense and other substances + which he had compounded, and, stepping within the circle, turned his face + from the brazier and towards the mirror. Then, fixing his eyes upon the + face of the lady, he began with a trembling voice to repeat a powerful + incantation. He had not gone far, before the lady grew pale; and then, + like a returning wave, the blood washed all its banks with its crimson + tide, and she hid her face in her hands. Then he passed to a conjuration + stronger yet. + </p> + <p> + The lady rose and walked uneasily to and fro in her room. Another spell; + and she seemed seeking with her eyes for some object on which they wished + to rest. At length it seemed as if she suddenly espied him; for her eyes + fixed themselves full and wide upon his, and she drew gradually, and + somewhat unwillingly, close to her side of the mirror, just as if his eyes + had fascinated her. Cosmo had never seen her so near before. Now at least, + eyes met eyes; but he could not quite understand the expression of hers. + They were full of tender entreaty, but there was something more that he + could not interpret. Though his heart seemed to labour in his throat, he + would allow no delight or agitation to turn him from his task. Looking + still in her face, he passed on to the mightiest charm he knew. Suddenly + the lady turned and walked out of the door of her reflected chamber. A + moment after she entered his room with veritable presence; and, forgetting + all his precautions, he sprang from the charmed circle, and knelt before + her. There she stood, the living lady of his passionate visions, alone + beside him, in a thundery twilight, and the glow of a magic fire. + </p> + <p> + “Why,” said the lady, with a trembling voice, “didst thou bring a poor + maiden through the rainy streets alone?” + </p> + <p> + “Because I am dying for love of thee; but I only brought thee from the + mirror there.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, the mirror!” and she looked up at it, and shuddered. “Alas! I am but + a slave, while that mirror exists. But do not think it was the power of + thy spells that drew me; it was thy longing desire to see me, that beat at + the door of my heart, till I was forced to yield.” + </p> + <p> + “Canst thou love me then?” said Cosmo, in a voice calm as death, but + almost inarticulate with emotion. + </p> + <p> + “I do not know,” she replied sadly; “that I cannot tell, so long as I am + bewildered with enchantments. It were indeed a joy too great, to lay my + head on thy bosom and weep to death; for I think thou lovest me, though I + do not know;—but——” + </p> + <p> + Cosmo rose from his knees. + </p> + <p> + “I love thee as—nay, I know not what—for since I have loved + thee, there is nothing else.” + </p> + <p> + He seized her hand: she withdrew it. + </p> + <p> + “No, better not; I am in thy power, and therefore I may not.” + </p> + <p> + She burst into tears, and kneeling before him in her turn, said— + </p> + <p> + “Cosmo, if thou lovest me, set me free, even from thyself; break the + mirror.” + </p> + <p> + “And shall I see thyself instead?” + </p> + <p> + “That I cannot tell, I will not deceive thee; we may never meet again.” + </p> + <p> + A fierce struggle arose in Cosmo’s bosom. Now she was in his power. She + did not dislike him at least; and he could see her when he would. To break + the mirror would be to destroy his very life to banish out of his universe + the only glory it possessed. The whole world would be but a prison, if he + annihilated the one window that looked into the paradise of love. Not yet + pure in love, he hesitated. + </p> + <p> + With a wail of sorrow the lady rose to her feet. “Ah! he loves me not; he + loves me not even as I love him; and alas! I care more for his love than + even for the freedom I ask.” + </p> + <p> + “I will not wait to be willing,” cried Cosmo; and sprang to the corner + where the great sword stood. + </p> + <p> + Meantime it had grown very dark; only the embers cast a red glow through + the room. He seized the sword by the steel scabbard, and stood before the + mirror; but as he heaved a great blow at it with the heavy pommel, the + blade slipped half-way out of the scabbard, and the pommel struck the wall + above the mirror. At that moment, a terrible clap of thunder seemed to + burst in the very room beside them; and ere Cosmo could repeat the blow, + he fell senseless on the hearth. When he came to himself, he found that + the lady and the mirror had both disappeared. He was seized with a brain + fever, which kept him to his couch for weeks. + </p> + <p> + When he recovered his reason, he began to think what could have become of + the mirror. For the lady, he hoped she had found her way back as she came; + but as the mirror involved her fate with its own, he was more immediately + anxious about that. He could not think she had carried it away. It was + much too heavy, even if it had not been too firmly fixed in the wall, for + her to remove it. Then again, he remembered the thunder; which made him + believe that it was not the lightning, but some other blow that had struck + him down. He concluded that, either by supernatural agency, he having + exposed himself to the vengeance of the demons in leaving the circle of + safety, or in some other mode, the mirror had probably found its way back + to its former owner; and, horrible to think of, might have been by this + time once more disposed of, delivering up the lady into the power of + another man; who, if he used his power no worse than he himself had done, + might yet give Cosmo abundant cause to curse the selfish indecision which + prevented him from shattering the mirror at once. Indeed, to think that + she whom he loved, and who had prayed to him for freedom, should be still + at the mercy, in some degree, of the possessor of the mirror, and was at + least exposed to his constant observation, was in itself enough to madden + a chary lover. + </p> + <p> + Anxiety to be well retarded his recovery; but at length he was able to + creep abroad. He first made his way to the old broker’s, pretending to be + in search of something else. A laughing sneer on the creature’s face + convinced him that he knew all about it; but he could not see it amongst + his furniture, or get any information out of him as to what had become of + it. He expressed the utmost surprise at hearing it had been stolen, a + surprise which Cosmo saw at once to be counterfeited; while, at the same + time, he fancied that the old wretch was not at all anxious to have it + mistaken for genuine. Full of distress, which he concealed as well as he + could, he made many searches, but with no avail. Of course he could ask no + questions; but he kept his ears awake for any remotest hint that might set + him in a direction of search. He never went out without a short heavy + hammer of steel about him, that he might shatter the mirror the moment he + was made happy by the sight of his lost treasure, if ever that blessed + moment should arrive. Whether he should see the lady again, was now a + thought altogether secondary, and postponed to the achievement of her + freedom. He wandered here and there, like an anxious ghost, pale and + haggard; gnawed ever at the heart, by the thought of what she might be + suffering—all from his fault. + </p> + <p> + One night, he mingled with a crowd that filled the rooms of one of the + most distinguished mansions in the city; for he accepted every invitation, + that he might lose no chance, however poor, of obtaining some information + that might expedite his discovery. Here he wandered about, listening to + every stray word that he could catch, in the hope of a revelation. As he + approached some ladies who were talking quietly in a corner, one said to + another: + </p> + <p> + “Have you heard of the strange illness of the Princess von Hohenweiss?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes; she has been ill for more than a year now. It is very sad for so + fine a creature to have such a terrible malady. She was better for some + weeks lately, but within the last few days the same attacks have returned, + apparently accompanied with more suffering than ever. It is altogether an + inexplicable story.” + </p> + <p> + “Is there a story connected with her illness?” + </p> + <p> + “I have only heard imperfect reports of it; but it is said that she gave + offence some eighteen months ago to an old woman who had held an office of + trust in the family, and who, after some incoherent threats, disappeared. + This peculiar affection followed soon after. But the strangest part of the + story is its association with the loss of an antique mirror, which stood + in her dressing-room, and of which she constantly made use.” + </p> + <p> + Here the speaker’s voice sank to a whisper; and Cosmo, although his very + soul sat listening in his ears, could hear no more. He trembled too much + to dare to address the ladies, even if it had been advisable to expose + himself to their curiosity. The name of the Princess was well known to + him, but he had never seen her; except indeed it was she, which now he + hardly doubted, who had knelt before him on that dreadful night. Fearful + of attracting attention, for, from the weak state of his health, he could + not recover an appearance of calmness, he made his way to the open air, + and reached his lodgings; glad in this, that he at least knew where she + lived, although he never dreamed of approaching her openly, even if he + should be happy enough to free her from her hateful bondage. He hoped, + too, that as he had unexpectedly learned so much, the other and far more + important part might be revealed to him ere long. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + “Have you seen Steinwald lately?” + </p> + <p> + “No, I have not seen him for some time. He is almost a match for me at the + rapier, and I suppose he thinks he needs no more lessons.” + </p> + <p> + “I wonder what has become of him. I want to see him very much. Let me see; + the last time I saw him he was coming out of that old broker’s den, to + which, if you remember, you accompanied me once, to look at some armour. + That is fully three weeks ago.” + </p> + <p> + This hint was enough for Cosmo. Von Steinwald was a man of influence in + the court, well known for his reckless habits and fierce passions. The + very possibility that the mirror should be in his possession was hell + itself to Cosmo. But violent or hasty measures of any sort were most + unlikely to succeed. All that he wanted was an opportunity of breaking the + fatal glass; and to obtain this he must bide his time. He revolved many + plans in his mind, but without being able to fix upon any. + </p> + <p> + At length, one evening, as he was passing the house of Von Steinwald, he + saw the windows more than usually brilliant. He watched for a while, and + seeing that company began to arrive, hastened home, and dressed as richly + as he could, in the hope of mingling with the guests unquestioned: in + effecting which, there could be no difficulty for a man of his carriage. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + In a lofty, silent chamber, in another part of the city, lay a form more + like marble than a living woman. The loveliness of death seemed frozen + upon her face, for her lips were rigid, and her eyelids closed. Her long + white hands were crossed over her breast, and no breathing disturbed their + repose. Beside the dead, men speak in whispers, as if the deepest rest of + all could be broken by the sound of a living voice. Just so, though the + soul was evidently beyond the reach of all intimations from the senses, + the two ladies, who sat beside her, spoke in the gentlest tones of subdued + sorrow. “She has lain so for an hour.” + </p> + <p> + “This cannot last long, I fear.” + </p> + <p> + “How much thinner she has grown within the last few weeks! If she would + only speak, and explain what she suffers, it would be better for her. I + think she has visions in her trances, but nothing can induce her to refer + to them when she is awake.” + </p> + <p> + “Does she ever speak in these trances?” + </p> + <p> + “I have never heard her; but they say she walks sometimes, and once put + the whole household in a terrible fright by disappearing for a whole hour, + and returning drenched with rain, and almost dead with exhaustion and + fright. But even then she would give no account of what had happened.” + </p> + <p> + A scarce audible murmur from the yet motionless lips of the lady here + startled her attendants. After several ineffectual attempts at + articulation, the word “<i>Cosmo!</i>” burst from her. Then she lay still as + before; but only for a moment. With a wild cry, she sprang from the couch + erect on the floor, flung her arms above her head, with clasped and + straining hands, and, her wide eyes flashing with light, called aloud, + with a voice exultant as that of a spirit bursting from a sepulchre, “I am + free! I am free! I thank thee!” Then she flung herself on the couch, and + sobbed; then rose, and paced wildly up and down the room, with gestures of + mingled delight and anxiety. Then turning to her motionless attendants—“Quick, + Lisa, my cloak and hood!” Then lower—“I must go to him. Make haste, + Lisa! You may come with me, if you will.” + </p> + <p> + In another moment they were in the street, hurrying along towards one of + the bridges over the Moldau. The moon was near the zenith, and the streets + were almost empty. The Princess soon outstripped her attendant, and was + half-way over the bridge, before the other reached it. + </p> + <p> + “Are you free, lady? The mirror is broken: are you free?” + </p> + <p> + The words were spoken close beside her, as she hurried on. She turned; and + there, leaning on the parapet in a recess of the bridge, stood Cosmo, in a + splendid dress, but with a white and quivering face. + </p> + <p> + “Cosmo!—I am free—and thy servant for ever. I was coming to + you now.” + </p> + <p> + “And I to you, for Death made me bold; but I could get no further. Have I + atoned at all? Do I love you a little—truly?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, I know now that you love me, my Cosmo; but what do you say about + death?” + </p> + <p> + He did not reply. His hand was pressed against his side. She looked more + closely: the blood was welling from between the fingers. She flung her + arms around him with a faint bitter wail. + </p> +<p> +When Lisa came up, she found her mistress kneeling above a wan dead +face, which smiled on in the spectral moonbeams. +</p> +<p> +And now I will say no more about these wondrous volumes; though +I could tell many a tale out of them, and could, perhaps, vaguely +represent some entrancing thoughts of a deeper kind which I found within +them. From many a sultry noon till twilight, did I sit in that grand +hall, buried and risen again in these old books. And I trust I have +carried away in my soul some of the exhalations of their undying leaves. +In after hours of deserved or needful sorrow, portions of what I read +there have often come to me again, with an unexpected comforting; +which was not fruitless, even though the comfort might seem in itself +groundless and vain. +</p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0014" id="link2HCH0014"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XIV + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Your gallery + Ha we pass’d through, not without much content + In many singularities; but we saw not + That which my daughter came to look upon, + The state of her mother.” + <i>Winter’s Tale</i>. +</pre> + <p> + It seemed to me strange, that all this time I had heard no music in the + fairy palace. I was convinced there must be music in it, but that my sense + was as yet too gross to receive the influence of those mysterious motions + that beget sound. Sometimes I felt sure, from the way the few figures of + which I got such transitory glimpses passed me, or glided into vacancy + before me, that they were moving to the law of music; and, in fact, + several times I fancied for a moment that I heard a few wondrous tones + coming I knew not whence. But they did not last long enough to convince me + that I had heard them with the bodily sense. Such as they were, however, + they took strange liberties with me, causing me to burst suddenly into + tears, of which there was no presence to make me ashamed, or casting me + into a kind of trance of speechless delight, which, passing as suddenly, + left me faint and longing for more. + </p> + <p> + Now, on an evening, before I had been a week in the palace, I was + wandering through one lighted arcade and corridor after another. At length + I arrived, through a door that closed behind me, in another vast hall of + the palace. It was filled with a subdued crimson light; by which I saw + that slender pillars of black, built close to walls of white marble, rose + to a great height, and then, dividing into innumerable divergent arches, + supported a roof, like the walls, of white marble, upon which the arches + intersected intricately, forming a fretting of black upon the white, like + the network of a skeleton-leaf. The floor was black. + </p> + <p> + Between several pairs of the pillars upon every side, the place of the + wall behind was occupied by a crimson curtain of thick silk, hanging in + heavy and rich folds. Behind each of these curtains burned a powerful + light, and these were the sources of the glow that filled the hall. A + peculiar delicious odour pervaded the place. As soon as I entered, the old + inspiration seemed to return to me, for I felt a strong impulse to sing; + or rather, it seemed as if some one else was singing a song in my soul, + which wanted to come forth at my lips, imbodied in my breath. But I kept + silence; and feeling somewhat overcome by the red light and the perfume, + as well as by the emotion within me, and seeing at one end of the hall a + great crimson chair, more like a throne than a chair, beside a table of + white marble, I went to it, and, throwing myself in it, gave myself up to + a succession of images of bewildering beauty, which passed before my + inward eye, in a long and occasionally crowded train. Here I sat for + hours, I suppose; till, returning somewhat to myself, I saw that the red + light had paled away, and felt a cool gentle breath gliding over my + forehead. I rose and left the hall with unsteady steps, finding my way + with some difficulty to my own chamber, and faintly remembering, as I + went, that only in the marble cave, before I found the sleeping statue, + had I ever had a similar experience. + </p> + <p> + After this, I repaired every morning to the same hall; where I sometimes + sat in the chair and dreamed deliciously, and sometimes walked up and down + over the black floor. Sometimes I acted within myself a whole drama, + during one of these perambulations; sometimes walked deliberately through + the whole epic of a tale; sometimes ventured to sing a song, though with a + shrinking fear of I knew not what. I was astonished at the beauty of my + own voice as it rang through the place, or rather crept undulating, like a + serpent of sound, along the walls and roof of this superb music-hall. + Entrancing verses arose within me as of their own accord, chanting + themselves to their own melodies, and requiring no addition of music to + satisfy the inward sense. But, ever in the pauses of these, when the + singing mood was upon me, I seemed to hear something like the distant + sound of multitudes of dancers, and felt as if it was the unheard music, + moving their rhythmic motion, that within me blossomed in verse and song. + I felt, too, that could I but see the dance, I should, from the harmony of + complicated movements, not of the dancers in relation to each other + merely, but of each dancer individually in the manifested plastic power + that moved the consenting harmonious form, understand the whole of the + music on the billows of which they floated and swung. + </p> + <p> + At length, one night, suddenly, when this feeling of dancing came upon me, + I bethought me of lifting one of the crimson curtains, and looking if, + perchance, behind it there might not be hid some other mystery, which + might at least remove a step further the bewilderment of the present one. + Nor was I altogether disappointed. I walked to one of the magnificent + draperies, lifted a corner, and peeped in. There, burned a great, crimson, + globe-shaped light, high in the cubical centre of another hall, which + might be larger or less than that in which I stood, for its dimensions + were not easily perceived, seeing that floor and roof and walls were + entirely of black marble. + </p> + <p> + The roof was supported by the same arrangement of pillars radiating in + arches, as that of the first hall; only, here, the pillars and arches were + of dark red. But what absorbed my delighted gaze, was an innumerable + assembly of white marble statues, of every form, and in multitudinous + posture, filling the hall throughout. These stood, in the ruddy glow of + the great lamp, upon pedestals of jet black. Around the lamp shone in + golden letters, plainly legible from where I stood, the two words— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + TOUCH NOT! +</pre> + <p> + There was in all this, however, no solution to the sound of dancing; and + now I was aware that the influence on my mind had ceased. I did not go in + that evening, for I was weary and faint, but I hoarded up the expectation + of entering, as of a great coming joy. + </p> + <p> + Next night I walked, as on the preceding, through the hall. My mind was + filled with pictures and songs, and therewith so much absorbed, that I did + not for some time think of looking within the curtain I had last night + lifted. When the thought of doing so occurred to me first, I happened to + be within a few yards of it. I became conscious, at the same moment, that + the sound of dancing had been for some time in my ears. I approached the + curtain quickly, and, lifting it, entered the black hall. Everything was + still as death. I should have concluded that the sound must have proceeded + from some other more distant quarter, which conclusion its faintness + would, in ordinary circumstances, have necessitated from the first; but + there was a something about the statues that caused me still to remain in + doubt. As I said, each stood perfectly still upon its black pedestal: but + there was about every one a certain air, not of motion, but as if it had + just ceased from movement; as if the rest were not altogether of the + marbly stillness of thousands of years. It was as if the peculiar + atmosphere of each had yet a kind of invisible tremulousness; as if its + agitated wavelets had not yet subsided into a perfect calm. I had the + suspicion that they had anticipated my appearance, and had sprung, each, + from the living joy of the dance, to the death-silence and blackness of + its isolated pedestal, just before I entered. I walked across the central + hall to the curtain opposite the one I had lifted, and, entering there, + found all the appearances similar; only that the statues were different, + and differently grouped. Neither did they produce on my mind that + impression—of motion just expired, which I had experienced from the + others. I found that behind every one of the crimson curtains was a + similar hall, similarly lighted, and similarly occupied. + </p> + <p> + The next night, I did not allow my thoughts to be absorbed as before with + inward images, but crept stealthily along to the furthest curtain in the + hall, from behind which, likewise, I had formerly seemed to hear the sound + of dancing. I drew aside its edge as suddenly as I could, and, looking in, + saw that the utmost stillness pervaded the vast place. I walked in, and + passed through it to the other end. + </p> + <p> + There I found that it communicated with a circular corridor, divided from + it only by two rows of red columns. This corridor, which was black, with + red niches holding statues, ran entirely about the statue-halls, forming a + communication between the further ends of them all; further, that is, as + regards the central hall of white whence they all diverged like radii, + finding their circumference in the corridor. + </p> + <p> + Round this corridor I now went, entering all the halls, of which there + were twelve, and finding them all similarly constructed, but filled with + quite various statues, of what seemed both ancient and modern sculpture. + After I had simply walked through them, I found myself sufficiently tired + to long for rest, and went to my own room. + </p> + <p> + In the night I dreamed that, walking close by one of the curtains, I was + suddenly seized with the desire to enter, and darted in. This time I was + too quick for them. All the statues were in motion, statues no longer, but + men and women—all shapes of beauty that ever sprang from the brain + of the sculptor, mingled in the convolutions of a complicated dance. + Passing through them to the further end, I almost started from my sleep on + beholding, not taking part in the dance with the others, nor seemingly + endued with life like them, but standing in marble coldness and rigidity + upon a black pedestal in the extreme left corner—my lady of the + cave; the marble beauty who sprang from her tomb or her cradle at the call + of my songs. While I gazed in speechless astonishment and admiration, a + dark shadow, descending from above like the curtain of a stage, gradually + hid her entirely from my view. I felt with a shudder that this shadow was + perchance my missing demon, whom I had not seen for days. I awoke with a + stifled cry. + </p> + <p> + Of course, the next evening I began my journey through the halls (for I + knew not to which my dream had carried me), in the hope of proving the + dream to be a true one, by discovering my marble beauty upon her black + pedestal. At length, on reaching the tenth hall, I thought I recognised + some of the forms I had seen dancing in my dream; and to my bewilderment, + when I arrived at the extreme corner on the left, there stood, the only + one I had yet seen, a vacant pedestal. It was exactly in the position + occupied, in my dream, by the pedestal on which the white lady stood. Hope + beat violently in my heart. + </p> + <p> + “Now,” said I to myself, “if yet another part of the dream would but come + true, and I should succeed in surprising these forms in their nightly + dance; it might be the rest would follow, and I should see on the pedestal + my marble queen. Then surely if my songs sufficed to give her life before, + when she lay in the bonds of alabaster, much more would they be sufficient + then to give her volition and motion, when she alone of assembled crowds + of marble forms, would be standing rigid and cold.” + </p> + <p> + But the difficulty was, to surprise the dancers. I had found that a + premeditated attempt at surprise, though executed with the utmost care and + rapidity, was of no avail. And, in my dream, it was effected by a sudden + thought suddenly executed. I saw, therefore, that there was no plan of + operation offering any probability of success, but this: to allow my mind + to be occupied with other thoughts, as I wandered around the great + centre-hall; and so wait till the impulse to enter one of the others + should happen to arise in me just at the moment when I was close to one of + the crimson curtains. For I hoped that if I entered any one of the twelve + halls at the right moment, that would as it were give me the right of + entrance to all the others, seeing they all had communication behind. I + would not diminish the hope of the right chance, by supposing it necessary + that a desire to enter should awake within me, precisely when I was close + to the curtains of the tenth hall. + </p> + <p> + At first the impulses to see recurred so continually, in spite of the + crowded imagery that kept passing through my mind, that they formed too + nearly a continuous chain, for the hope that any one of them would succeed + as a surprise. But as I persisted in banishing them, they recurred less + and less often; and after two or three, at considerable intervals, had + come when the spot where I happened to be was unsuitable, the hope + strengthened, that soon one might arise just at the right moment; namely, + when, in walking round the hall, I should be close to one of the curtains. + </p> + <p> + At length the right moment and the impulse coincided. I darted into the + ninth hall. It was full of the most exquisite moving forms. The whole + space wavered and swam with the involutions of an intricate dance. It + seemed to break suddenly as I entered, and all made one or two bounds + towards their pedestals; but, apparently on finding that they were + thoroughly overtaken, they returned to their employment (for it seemed + with them earnest enough to be called such) without further heeding me. + Somewhat impeded by the floating crowd, I made what haste I could towards + the bottom of the hall; whence, entering the corridor, I turned towards + the tenth. I soon arrived at the corner I wanted to reach, for the + corridor was comparatively empty; but, although the dancers here, after a + little confusion, altogether disregarded my presence, I was dismayed at + beholding, even yet, a vacant pedestal. But I had a conviction that she + was near me. And as I looked at the pedestal, I thought I saw upon it, + vaguely revealed as if through overlapping folds of drapery, the + indistinct outlines of white feet. Yet there was no sign of drapery or + concealing shadow whatever. But I remembered the descending shadow in my + dream. And I hoped still in the power of my songs; thinking that what + could dispel alabaster, might likewise be capable of dispelling what + concealed my beauty now, even if it were the demon whose darkness had + overshadowed all my life. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0015" id="link2HCH0015"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XV + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “<i>Alexander</i>. ‘When will you finish Campaspe?’ + <i>Apelles</i>. ‘Never finish: for always in absolute + beauty there is somewhat above art.’” + LYLY’S <i>Campaspe</i>. +</pre> + <p> + And now, what song should I sing to unveil my Isis, if indeed she was + present unseen? I hurried away to the white hall of Phantasy, heedless of + the innumerable forms of beauty that crowded my way: these might cross my + eyes, but the unseen filled my brain. I wandered long, up and down the + silent space: no songs came. My soul was not still enough for songs. Only + in the silence and darkness of the soul’s night, do those stars of the + inward firmament sink to its lower surface from the singing realms beyond, + and shine upon the conscious spirit. Here all effort was unavailing. If + they came not, they could not be found. + </p> + <p> + Next night, it was just the same. I walked through the red glimmer of the + silent hall; but lonely as there I walked, as lonely trod my soul up and + down the halls of the brain. At last I entered one of the statue-halls. + The dance had just commenced, and I was delighted to find that I was free + of their assembly. I walked on till I came to the sacred corner. There I + found the pedestal just as I had left it, with the faint glimmer as of + white feet still resting on the dead black. As soon as I saw it, I seemed + to feel a presence which longed to become visible; and, as it were, called + to me to gift it with self-manifestation, that it might shine on me. The + power of song came to me. But the moment my voice, though I sang low and + soft, stirred the air of the hall, the dancers started; the quick + interweaving crowd shook, lost its form, divided; each figure sprang to + its pedestal, and stood, a self-evolving life no more, but a rigid, + life-like, marble shape, with the whole form composed into the expression + of a single state or act. Silence rolled like a spiritual thunder through + the grand space. My song had ceased, scared at its own influences. But I + saw in the hand of one of the statues close by me, a harp whose chords yet + quivered. I remembered that as she bounded past me, her harp had brushed + against my arm; so the spell of the marble had not infolded it. I sprang + to her, and with a gesture of entreaty, laid my hand on the harp. The + marble hand, probably from its contact with the uncharmed harp, had + strength enough to relax its hold, and yield the harp to me. No other + motion indicated life. Instinctively I struck the chords and sang. And not + to break upon the record of my song, I mention here, that as I sang the + first four lines, the loveliest feet became clear upon the black pedestal; + and ever as I sang, it was as if a veil were being lifted up from before + the form, but an invisible veil, so that the statue appeared to grow + before me, not so much by evolution, as by infinitesimal degrees of added + height. And, while I sang, I did not feel that I stood by a statue, as + indeed it appeared to be, but that a real woman-soul was revealing itself + by successive stages of imbodiment, and consequent manifestatlon and + expression. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Feet of beauty, firmly planting + Arches white on rosy heel! + Whence the life-spring, throbbing, panting, + Pulses upward to reveal! + Fairest things know least despising; + Foot and earth meet tenderly: + ‘Tis the woman, resting, rising + Upward to sublimity, + Rise the limbs, sedately sloping, + Strong and gentle, full and free; + Soft and slow, like certain hoping, + Drawing nigh the broad firm knee. + Up to speech! As up to roses + Pants the life from leaf to flower, + So each blending change discloses, + Nearer still, expression’s power. + + Lo! fair sweeps, white surges, twining + Up and outward fearlessly! + Temple columns, close combining, + Lift a holy mystery. + Heart of mine! what strange surprises + Mount aloft on such a stair! + Some great vision upward rises, + Curving, bending, floating fair. + + Bands and sweeps, and hill and hollow + Lead my fascinated eye; + Some apocalypse will follow, + Some new world of deity. + Zoned unseen, and outward swelling, + With new thoughts and wonders rife, + Queenly majesty foretelling, + See the expanding house of life! + + Sudden heaving, unforbidden + Sighs eternal, still the same— + Mounts of snow have summits hidden + In the mists of uttered flame. + But the spirit, dawning nearly + Finds no speech for earnest pain; + Finds a soundless sighing merely— + Builds its stairs, and mounts again. + + Heart, the queen, with secret hoping, + Sendeth out her waiting pair; + Hands, blind hands, half blindly groping, + Half inclasping visions rare; + And the great arms, heartways bending; + Might of Beauty, drawing home + There returning, and re-blending, + Where from roots of love they roam. + + Build thy slopes of radiance beamy + Spirit, fair with womanhood! + Tower thy precipice, white-gleamy, + Climb unto the hour of good. + Dumb space will be rent asunder, + Now the shining column stands + Ready to be crowned with wonder + By the builder’s joyous hands. + + All the lines abroad are spreading, + Like a fountain’s falling race. + Lo, the chin, first feature, treading, + Airy foot to rest the face! + Speech is nigh; oh, see the blushing, + Sweet approach of lip and breath! + Round the mouth dim silence, hushing, + Waits to die ecstatic death. + + Span across in treble curving, + Bow of promise, upper lip! + Set them free, with gracious swerving; + Let the wing-words float and dip. + <i>Dumb art thou?</i> O Love immortal, + More than words thy speech must be; + Childless yet the tender portal + Of the home of melody. + + Now the nostrils open fearless, + Proud in calm unconsciousness, + Sure it must be something peerless + That the great Pan would express! + Deepens, crowds some meaning tender, + In the pure, dear lady-face. + Lo, a blinding burst of splendour!— + ‘Tis the free soul’s issuing grace. + + Two calm lakes of molten glory + Circling round unfathomed deeps! + Lightning-flashes, transitory, + Cross the gulfs where darkness sleeps. + This the gate, at last, of gladness, + To the outward striving <i>me</i>: + In a rain of light and sadness, + Out its loves and longings flee! + + With a presence I am smitten + Dumb, with a foreknown surprise; + Presence greater yet than written + Even in the glorious eyes. + Through the gulfs, with inward gazes, + I may look till I am lost; + Wandering deep in spirit-mazes, + In a sea without a coast. + + Windows open to the glorious! + Time and space, oh, far beyond! + Woman, ah! thou art victorious, + And I perish, overfond. + Springs aloft the yet Unspoken + In the forehead’s endless grace, + Full of silences unbroken; + Infinite, unfeatured face. + + Domes above, the mount of wonder; + Height and hollow wrapt in night; + Hiding in its caverns under + Woman-nations in their might. + Passing forms, the highest Human + Faints away to the Divine + Features none, of man or woman, + Can unveil the holiest shine. + + Sideways, grooved porches only + Visible to passing eye, + Stand the silent, doorless, lonely + Entrance-gates of melody. + But all sounds fly in as boldly, + Groan and song, and kiss and cry + At their galleries, lifted coldly, + Darkly, ‘twixt the earth and sky. + + Beauty, thou art spent, thou knowest + So, in faint, half-glad despair, + From the summit thou o’erflowest + In a fall of torrent hair; + Hiding what thou hast created + In a half-transparent shroud: + Thus, with glory soft-abated, + Shines the moon through vapoury cloud. +</pre> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0016" id="link2HCH0016"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XVI + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Ev’n the Styx, which ninefold her infoldeth + Hems not Ceres’ daughter in its flow; + But she grasps the apple—ever holdeth + Her, sad Orcus, down below.” + SCHILLER, <i>Das Ideal und das Leben</i>. +</pre> + <p> + Ever as I sang, the veil was uplifted; ever as I sang, the signs of life + grew; till, when the eyes dawned upon me, it was with that sunrise of + splendour which my feeble song attempted to re-imbody. + </p> + <p> + The wonder is, that I was not altogether overcome, but was able to + complete my song as the unseen veil continued to rise. This ability came + solely from the state of mental elevation in which I found myself. Only + because uplifted in song, was I able to endure the blaze of the dawn. But + I cannot tell whether she looked more of statue or more of woman; she + seemed removed into that region of phantasy where all is intensely vivid, + but nothing clearly defined. At last, as I sang of her descending hair, + the glow of soul faded away, like a dying sunset. A lamp within had been + extinguished, and the house of life shone blank in a winter morn. She was + a statue once more—but visible, and that was much gained. Yet the + revulsion from hope and fruition was such, that, unable to restrain + myself, I sprang to her, and, in defiance of the law of the place, flung + my arms around her, as if I would tear her from the grasp of a visible + Death, and lifted her from the pedestal down to my heart. But no sooner + had her feet ceased to be in contact with the black pedestal, than she + shuddered and trembled all over; then, writhing from my arms, before I + could tighten their hold, she sprang into the corridor, with the + reproachful cry, “You should not have touched me!” darted behind one of + the exterior pillars of the circle, and disappeared. I followed almost as + fast; but ere I could reach the pillar, the sound of a closing door, the + saddest of all sounds sometimes, fell on my ear; and, arriving at the spot + where she had vanished, I saw, lighted by a pale yellow lamp which hung + above it, a heavy, rough door, altogether unlike any others I had seen in + the palace; for they were all of ebony, or ivory, or covered with + silver-plates, or of some odorous wood, and very ornate; whereas this + seemed of old oak, with heavy nails and iron studs. Notwithstanding the + precipitation of my pursuit, I could not help reading, in silver letters + beneath the lamp: “<i>No one enters here without the leave of the Queen</i>.” But + what was the Queen to me, when I followed my white lady? I dashed the door + to the wall and sprang through. Lo! I stood on a waste windy hill. Great + stones like tombstones stood all about me. No door, no palace was to be + seen. A white figure gleamed past me, wringing her hands, and crying, “Ah! + you should have sung to me; you should have sung to me!” and disappeared + behind one of the stones. I followed. A cold gust of wind met me from + behind the stone; and when I looked, I saw nothing but a great hole in the + earth, into which I could find no way of entering. Had she fallen in? I + could not tell. I must wait for the daylight. I sat down and wept, for + there was no help. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0017" id="link2HCH0017"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XVII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “First, I thought, almost despairing, + This must crush my spirit now; + Yet I bore it, and am bearing— + Only do not ask me how.” + HEINE. +</pre> + <p> + When the daylight came, it brought the possibility of action, but with it + little of consolation. With the first visible increase of light, I gazed + into the chasm, but could not, for more than an hour, see sufficiently + well to discover its nature. At last I saw it was almost a perpendicular + opening, like a roughly excavated well, only very large. I could perceive + no bottom; and it was not till the sun actually rose, that I discovered a + sort of natural staircase, in many parts little more than suggested, which + led round and round the gulf, descending spirally into its abyss. I saw at + once that this was my path; and without a moment’s hesitation, glad to + quit the sunlight, which stared at me most heartlessly, I commenced my + tortuous descent. It was very difficult. In some parts I had to cling to + the rocks like a bat. In one place, I dropped from the track down upon the + next returning spire of the stair; which being broad in this particular + portion, and standing out from the wall at right angles, received me upon + my feet safe, though somewhat stupefied by the shock. After descending a + great way, I found the stair ended at a narrow opening which entered the + rock horizontally. Into this I crept, and, having entered, had just room + to turn round. I put my head out into the shaft by which I had come down, + and surveyed the course of my descent. Looking up, I saw the stars; + although the sun must by this time have been high in the heavens. Looking + below, I saw that the sides of the shaft went sheer down, smooth as glass; + and far beneath me, I saw the reflection of the same stars I had seen in + the heavens when I looked up. I turned again, and crept inwards some + distance, when the passage widened, and I was at length able to stand and + walk upright. Wider and loftier grew the way; new paths branched off on + every side; great open halls appeared; till at last I found myself + wandering on through an underground country, in which the sky was of rock, + and instead of trees and flowers, there were only fantastic rocks and + stones. And ever as I went, darker grew my thoughts, till at last I had no + hope whatever of finding the white lady: I no longer called her to myself + <i>my</i> white lady. Whenever a choice was necessary, I always chose the path + which seemed to lead downwards. + </p> + <p> + At length I began to find that these regions were inhabited. From behind a + rock a peal of harsh grating laughter, full of evil humour, rang through + my ears, and, looking round, I saw a queer, goblin creature, with a great + head and ridiculous features, just such as those described, in German + histories and travels, as Kobolds. “What do you want with me?” I said. He + pointed at me with a long forefinger, very thick at the root, and + sharpened to a point, and answered, “He! he! he! what do <i>you</i> want here?” + Then, changing his tone, he continued, with mock humility—“Honoured + sir, vouchsafe to withdraw from thy slaves the lustre of thy august + presence, for thy slaves cannot support its brightness.” A second + appeared, and struck in: “You are so big, you keep the sun from us. We + can’t see for you, and we’re so cold.” Thereupon arose, on all sides, the + most terrific uproar of laughter, from voices like those of children in + volume, but scrannel and harsh as those of decrepit age, though, + unfortunately, without its weakness. The whole pandemonium of fairy + devils, of all varieties of fantastic ugliness, both in form and feature, + and of all sizes from one to four feet, seemed to have suddenly assembled + about me. At length, after a great babble of talk among themselves, in a + language unknown to me, and after seemingly endless gesticulation, + consultation, elbow-nudging, and unmitigated peals of laughter, they + formed into a circle about one of their number, who scrambled upon a + stone, and, much to my surprise, and somewhat to my dismay, began to sing, + in a voice corresponding in its nature to his talking one, from beginning + to end, the song with which I had brought the light into the eyes of the + white lady. He sang the same air too; and, all the time, maintained a face + of mock entreaty and worship; accompanying the song with the travestied + gestures of one playing on the lute. The whole assembly kept silence, + except at the close of every verse, when they roared, and danced, and + shouted with laughter, and flung themselves on the ground, in real or + pretended convulsions of delight. When he had finished, the singer threw + himself from the top of the stone, turning heels over head several times + in his descent; and when he did alight, it was on the top of his head, on + which he hopped about, making the most grotesque gesticulations with his + legs in the air. Inexpressible laughter followed, which broke up in a + shower of tiny stones from innumerable hands. They could not materially + injure me, although they cut me on the head and face. I attempted to run + away, but they all rushed upon me, and, laying hold of every part that + afforded a grasp, held me tight. Crowding about me like bees, they shouted + an insect-swarm of exasperating speeches up into my face, among which the + most frequently recurring were—“You shan’t have her; you shan’t have + her; he! he! he! She’s for a better man; how he’ll kiss her! how he’ll + kiss her!” + </p> + <p> + The galvanic torrent of this battery of malevolence stung to life within + me a spark of nobleness, and I said aloud, “Well, if he is a better man, + let him have her.” + </p> + <p> + They instantly let go their hold of me, and fell back a step or two, with + a whole broadside of grunts and humphs, as of unexpected and disappointed + approbation. I made a step or two forward, and a lane was instantly opened + for me through the midst of the grinning little antics, who bowed most + politely to me on every side as I passed. After I had gone a few yards, I + looked back, and saw them all standing quite still, looking after me, like + a great school of boys; till suddenly one turned round, and with a loud + whoop, rushed into the midst of the others. In an instant, the whole was + one writhing and tumbling heap of contortion, reminding me of the live + pyramids of intertwined snakes of which travellers make report. As soon as + one was worked out of the mass, he bounded off a few paces, and then, with + a somersault and a run, threw himself gyrating into the air, and descended + with all his weight on the summit of the heaving and struggling chaos of + fantastic figures. I left them still busy at this fierce and apparently + aimless amusement. And as I went, I sang— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + If a nobler waits for thee, + I will weep aside; + It is well that thou should’st be, + Of the nobler, bride. + + For if love builds up the home, + Where the heart is free, + Homeless yet the heart must roam, + That has not found thee. + + One must suffer: I, for her + Yield in her my part + Take her, thou art worthier— + Still I be still, my heart! + + Gift ungotten! largess high + Of a frustrate will! + But to yield it lovingly + Is a something still. +</pre> + <p> + Then a little song arose of itself in my soul; and I felt for the moment, + while it sank sadly within me, as if I was once more walking up and down + the white hall of Phantasy in the Fairy Palace. But this lasted no longer + than the song; as will be seen. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Do not vex thy violet + Perfume to afford: + Else no odour thou wilt get + From its little hoard. + + In thy lady’s gracious eyes + Look not thou too long; + Else from them the glory flies, + And thou dost her wrong. + + Come not thou too near the maid, + Clasp her not too wild; + Else the splendour is allayed, + And thy heart beguiled. +</pre> + <p> + A crash of laughter, more discordant and deriding than any I had yet + heard, invaded my ears. Looking on in the direction of the sound, I saw a + little elderly woman, much taller, however, than the goblins I had just + left, seated upon a stone by the side of the path. She rose, as I drew + near, and came forward to meet me. + </p> + <p> + She was very plain and commonplace in appearance, without being hideously + ugly. Looking up in my face with a stupid sneer, she said: “Isn’t it a + pity you haven’t a pretty girl to walk all alone with you through this + sweet country? How different everything would look? wouldn’t it? Strange + that one can never have what one would like best! How the roses would + bloom and all that, even in this infernal hole! wouldn’t they, Anodos? Her + eyes would light up the old cave, wouldn’t they?” + </p> + <p> + “That depends on who the pretty girl should be,” replied I. + </p> + <p> + “Not so very much matter that,” she answered; “look here.” + </p> + <p> + I had turned to go away as I gave my reply, but now I stopped and looked + at her. As a rough unsightly bud might suddenly blossom into the most + lovely flower; or rather, as a sunbeam bursts through a shapeless cloud, + and transfigures the earth; so burst a face of resplendent beauty, as it + were <i>through</i> the unsightly visage of the woman, destroying it with light + as it dawned through it. A summer sky rose above me, gray with heat; + across a shining slumberous landscape, looked from afar the peaks of + snow-capped mountains; and down from a great rock beside me fell a sheet + of water mad with its own delight. + </p> + <p> + “Stay with me,” she said, lifting up her exquisite face, and looking full + in mine. + </p> + <p> + I drew back. Again the infernal laugh grated upon my ears; again the rocks + closed in around me, and the ugly woman looked at me with wicked, mocking + hazel eyes. + </p> + <p> + “You shall have your reward,” said she. “You shall see your white lady + again.” + </p> + <p> + “That lies not with you,” I replied, and turned and left her. + </p> + <p> + She followed me with shriek upon shriek of laughter, as I went on my way. + </p> + <p> + I may mention here, that although there was always light enough to see my + path and a few yards on every side of me, I never could find out the + source of this sad sepulchral illumination. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0018" id="link2HCH0018"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XVIII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “In the wind’s uproar, the sea’s raging grim, + And the sighs that are born in him.” + HEINE. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “From dreams of bliss shall men awake + One day, but not to weep: + The dreams remain; they only break + The mirror of the sleep.” + JEAN PAUL, <i>Hesperus</i>. +</pre> + <p> + How I got through this dreary part of my travels, I do not know. I do not + think I was upheld by the hope that any moment the light might break in + upon me; for I scarcely thought about that. I went on with a dull + endurance, varied by moments of uncontrollable sadness; for more and more + the conviction grew upon me that I should never see the white lady again. + It may seem strange that one with whom I had held so little communion + should have so engrossed my thoughts; but benefits conferred awaken love + in some minds, as surely as benefits received in others. Besides being + delighted and proud that <i>my</i> songs had called the beautiful creature to + life, the same fact caused me to feel a tenderness unspeakable for her, + accompanied with a kind of feeling of property in her; for so the goblin + Selfishness would reward the angel Love. When to all this is added, an + overpowering sense of her beauty, and an unquestioning conviction that + this was a true index to inward loveliness, it may be understood how it + came to pass that my imagination filled my whole soul with the play of its + own multitudinous colours and harmonies around the form which yet stood, a + gracious marble radiance, in the midst of <i>its</i> white hall of phantasy. The + time passed by unheeded; for my thoughts were busy. Perhaps this was also + in part the cause of my needing no food, and never thinking how I should + find any, during this subterraneous part of my travels. How long they + endured I could not tell, for I had no means of measuring time; and when I + looked back, there was such a discrepancy between the decisions of my + imagination and my judgment, as to the length of time that had passed, + that I was bewildered, and gave up all attempts to arrive at any + conclusion on the point. + </p> + <p> + A gray mist continually gathered behind me. When I looked back towards the + past, this mist was the medium through which my eyes had to strain for a + vision of what had gone by; and the form of the white lady had receded + into an unknown region. At length the country of rock began to close again + around me, gradually and slowly narrowing, till I found myself walking in + a gallery of rock once more, both sides of which I could touch with my + outstretched hands. It narrowed yet, until I was forced to move carefully, + in order to avoid striking against the projecting pieces of rock. The roof + sank lower and lower, until I was compelled, first to stoop, and then to + creep on my hands and knees. It recalled terrible dreams of childhood; but + I was not much afraid, because I felt sure that this was my path, and my + only hope of leaving Fairy Land, of which I was now almost weary. + </p> + <p> + At length, on getting past an abrupt turn in the passage, through which I + had to force myself, I saw, a few yards ahead of me, the long-forgotten + daylight shining through a small opening, to which the path, if path it + could now be called, led me. With great difficulty I accomplished these + last few yards, and came forth to the day. I stood on the shore of a + wintry sea, with a wintry sun just a few feet above its horizon-edge. It + was bare, and waste, and gray. Hundreds of hopeless waves rushed + constantly shorewards, falling exhausted upon a beach of great loose + stones, that seemed to stretch miles and miles in both directions. There + was nothing for the eye but mingling shades of gray; nothing for the ear + but the rush of the coming, the roar of the breaking, and the moan of the + retreating wave. No rock lifted up a sheltering severity above the + dreariness around; even that from which I had myself emerged rose scarcely + a foot above the opening by which I had reached the dismal day, more + dismal even than the tomb I had left. A cold, death-like wind swept across + the shore, seeming to issue from a pale mouth of cloud upon the horizon. + Sign of life was nowhere visible. I wandered over the stones, up and down + the beach, a human imbodiment of the nature around me. The wind increased; + its keen waves flowed through my soul; the foam rushed higher up the + stones; a few dead stars began to gleam in the east; the sound of the + waves grew louder and yet more despairing. A dark curtain of cloud was + lifted up, and a pale blue rent shone between its foot and the edge of the + sea, out from which rushed an icy storm of frozen wind, that tore the + waters into spray as it passed, and flung the billows in raving heaps upon + the desolate shore. I could bear it no longer. + </p> + <p> + “I will not be tortured to death,” I cried; “I will meet it half-way. The + life within me is yet enough to bear me up to the face of Death, and then + I die unconquered.” + </p> + <p> + Before it had grown so dark, I had observed, though without any particular + interest, that on one part of the shore a low platform of rock seemed to + run out far into the midst of the breaking waters. + </p> + <p> + Towards this I now went, scrambling over smooth stones, to which scarce + even a particle of sea-weed clung; and having found it, I got on it, and + followed its direction, as near as I could guess, out into the tumbling + chaos. I could hardly keep my feet against the wind and sea. The waves + repeatedly all but swept me off my path; but I kept on my way, till I + reached the end of the low promontory, which, in the fall of the waves, + rose a good many feet above the surface, and, in their rise, was covered + with their waters. I stood one moment and gazed into the heaving abyss + beneath me; then plunged headlong into the mounting wave below. A + blessing, like the kiss of a mother, seemed to alight on my soul; a calm, + deeper than that which accompanies a hope deferred, bathed my spirit. I + sank far into the waters, and sought not to return. I felt as if once more + the great arms of the beech-tree were around me, soothing me after the + miseries I had passed through, and telling me, like a little sick child, + that I should be better to-morrow. The waters of themselves lifted me, as + with loving arms, to the surface. I breathed again, but did not unclose my + eyes. I would not look on the wintry sea, and the pitiless gray sky. Thus + I floated, till something gently touched me. It was a little boat floating + beside me. How it came there I could not tell; but it rose and sank on the + waters, and kept touching me in its fall, as if with a human will to let + me know that help was by me. It was a little gay-coloured boat, seemingly + covered with glistering scales like those of a fish, all of brilliant + rainbow hues. I scrambled into it, and lay down in the bottom, with a + sense of exquisite repose. + </p> + <p> + Then I drew over me a rich, heavy, purple cloth that was beside me; and, + lying still, knew, by the sound of the waters, that my little bark was + fleeting rapidly onwards. Finding, however, none of that stormy motion + which the sea had manifested when I beheld it from the shore, I opened my + eyes; and, looking first up, saw above me the deep violet sky of a warm + southern night; and then, lifting my head, saw that I was sailing fast + upon a summer sea, in the last border of a southern twilight. The aureole + of the sun yet shot the extreme faint tips of its longest rays above the + horizon-waves, and withdrew them not. It was a perpetual twilight. The + stars, great and earnest, like children’s eyes, bent down lovingly towards + the waters; and the reflected stars within seemed to float up, as if + longing to meet their embraces. But when I looked down, a new wonder met + my view. For, vaguely revealed beneath the wave, I floated above my whole + Past. The fields of my childhood flitted by; the halls of my youthful + labours; the streets of great cities where I had dwelt; and the assemblies + of men and women wherein I had wearied myself seeking for rest. But so + indistinct were the visions, that sometimes I thought I was sailing on a + shallow sea, and that strange rocks and forests of sea-plants beguiled my + eye, sufficiently to be transformed, by the magic of the phantasy, into + well-known objects and regions. Yet, at times, a beloved form seemed to + lie close beneath me in sleep; and the eyelids would tremble as if about + to forsake the conscious eye; and the arms would heave upwards, as if in + dreams they sought for a satisfying presence. But these motions might come + only from the heaving of the waters between those forms and me. Soon I + fell asleep, overcome with fatigue and delight. In dreams of unspeakable + joy—of restored friendships; of revived embraces; of love which said + it had never died; of faces that had vanished long ago, yet said with + smiling lips that they knew nothing of the grave; of pardons implored, and + granted with such bursting floods of love, that I was almost glad I had + sinned—thus I passed through this wondrous twilight. I awoke with + the feeling that I had been kissed and loved to my heart’s content; and + found that my boat was floating motionless by the grassy shore of a little + island. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0019" id="link2HCH0019"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XIX + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “In still rest, in changeless simplicity, I bear, + uninterrupted, the consciousness of the whole of Humanity + within me.”—SCHLEIERMACHERS, <i>Monologen</i>. + + “... such a sweetness, such a grace, + In all thy speech appear, + That what to th’eye a beauteous face, + That thy tongue is to the ear.” + —COWLEY. +</pre> + <p> + The water was deep to the very edge; and I sprang from the little boat + upon a soft grassy turf. The island seemed rich with a profusion of all + grasses and low flowers. All delicate lowly things were most plentiful; + but no trees rose skywards, not even a bush overtopped the tall grasses, + except in one place near the cottage I am about to describe, where a few + plants of the gum-cistus, which drops every night all the blossoms that + the day brings forth, formed a kind of natural arbour. The whole island + lay open to the sky and sea. It rose nowhere more than a few feet above + the level of the waters, which flowed deep all around its border. Here + there seemed to be neither tide nor storm. A sense of persistent calm and + fulness arose in the mind at the sight of the slow, pulse-like rise and + fall of the deep, clear, unrippled waters against the bank of the island, + for shore it could hardly be called, being so much more like the edge of a + full, solemn river. As I walked over the grass towards the cottage, which + stood at a little distance from the bank, all the flowers of childhood + looked at me with perfect child-eyes out of the grass. My heart, softened + by the dreams through which it had passed, overflowed in a sad, tender + love towards them. They looked to me like children impregnably fortified + in a helpless confidence. The sun stood half-way down the western sky, + shining very soft and golden; and there grew a second world of shadows + amidst the world of grasses and wild flowers. + </p> + <p> + The cottage was square, with low walls, and a high pyramidal roof thatched + with long reeds, of which the withered blossoms hung over all the eaves. + It is noticeable that most of the buildings I saw in Fairy Land were + cottages. There was no path to a door, nor, indeed, was there any track + worn by footsteps in the island. + </p> + <p> + The cottage rose right out of the smooth turf. It had no windows that I + could see; but there was a door in the centre of the side facing me, up to + which I went. I knocked, and the sweetest voice I had ever heard said, + “Come in.” I entered. A bright fire was burning on a hearth in the centre + of the earthern floor, and the smoke found its way out at an opening in + the centre of the pyramidal roof. Over the fire hung a little pot, and + over the pot bent a woman-face, the most wonderful, I thought, that I had + ever beheld. For it was older than any countenance I had ever looked upon. + There was not a spot in which a wrinkle could lie, where a wrinkle lay + not. And the skin was ancient and brown, like old parchment. The woman’s + form was tall and spare: and when she stood up to welcome me, I saw that + she was straight as an arrow. Could that voice of sweetness have issued + from those lips of age? Mild as they were, could they be the portals + whence flowed such melody? But the moment I saw her eyes, I no longer + wondered at her voice: they were absolutely young—those of a woman + of five-and-twenty, large, and of a clear gray. Wrinkles had beset them + all about; the eyelids themselves were old, and heavy, and worn; but the + eyes were very incarnations of soft light. She held out her hand to me, + and the voice of sweetness again greeted me, with the single word, + “Welcome.” She set an old wooden chair for me, near the fire, and went on + with her cooking. A wondrous sense of refuge and repose came upon me. I + felt like a boy who has got home from school, miles across the hills, + through a heavy storm of wind and snow. Almost, as I gazed on her, I + sprang from my seat to kiss those old lips. And when, having finished her + cooking, she brought some of the dish she had prepared, and set it on a + little table by me, covered with a snow-white cloth, I could not help + laying my head on her bosom, and bursting into happy tears. She put her + arms round me, saying, “Poor child; poor child!” + </p> + <p> + As I continued to weep, she gently disengaged herself, and, taking a + spoon, put some of the food (I did not know what it was) to my lips, + entreating me most endearingly to swallow it. To please her, I made an + effort, and succeeded. She went on feeding me like a baby, with one arm + round me, till I looked up in her face and smiled: then she gave me the + spoon and told me to eat, for it would do me good. I obeyed her, and found + myself wonderfully refreshed. Then she drew near the fire an old-fashioned + couch that was in the cottage, and making me lie down upon it, sat at my + feet, and began to sing. Amazing store of old ballads rippled from her + lips, over the pebbles of ancient tunes; and the voice that sang was sweet + as the voice of a tuneful maiden that singeth ever from very fulness of + song. The songs were almost all sad, but with a sound of comfort. One I + can faintly recall. It was something like this: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Sir Aglovaile through the churchyard rode; + <i>Sing, All alone I lie:</i> + Little recked he where’er he yode, + <i>All alone, up in the sky</i>. + + Swerved his courser, and plunged with fear + <i>All alone i lie:</i> + His cry might have wakened the dead men near, + <i>All alone, up in the sky</i>. + + The very dead that lay at his feet, + Lapt in the mouldy winding-sheet. + + But he curbed him and spurred him, until he stood + Still in his place, like a horse of wood, + + With nostrils uplift, and eyes wide and wan; + But the sweat in streams from his fetlocks ran. + + A ghost grew out of the shadowy air, + And sat in the midst of her moony hair. + + In her gleamy hair she sat and wept; + In the dreamful moon they lay and slept; + + The shadows above, and the bodies below, + Lay and slept in the moonbeams slow. + + And she sang, like the moan of an autumn wind + Over the stubble left behind: + + <i>Alas, how easily things go wrong! + A sigh too much, or a kiss too long, + And there follows a mist and a weeping rain, + And life is never the same again. + + Alas, how hardly things go right! + ‘Tis hard to watch on a summer night, + For the sigh will come and the kiss will stay, + And the summer night is a winter day.</i> + + “Oh, lovely ghosts my heart is woes + To see thee weeping and wailing so. + + Oh, lovely ghost,” said the fearless knight, + “Can the sword of a warrior set it right? + + Or prayer of bedesman, praying mild, + As a cup of water a feverish child, + + Sooth thee at last, in dreamless mood + To sleep the sleep a dead lady should? + + Thine eyes they fill me with longing sore, + As if I had known thee for evermore. + + Oh, lovely ghost, I could leave the day + To sit with thee in the moon away + + If thou wouldst trust me, and lay thy head + To rest on a bosom that is not dead.” + The lady sprang up with a strange ghost-cry, + And she flung her white ghost-arms on high: + + And she laughed a laugh that was not gay, + And it lengthened out till it died away; + + And the dead beneath turned and moaned, + And the yew-trees above they shuddered and groaned. + + “Will he love me twice with a love that is vain? + Will he kill the poor ghost yet again? + + I thought thou wert good; but I said, and wept: + ‘Can I have dreamed who have not slept?’ + + And I knew, alas! or ever I would, + Whether I dreamed, or thou wert good. + + When my baby died, my brain grew wild. + I awoke, and found I was with my child.” + + “If thou art the ghost of my Adelaide, + How is it? Thou wert but a village maid, + + And thou seemest an angel lady white, + Though thin, and wan, and past delight.” + + The lady smiled a flickering smile, + And she pressed her temples hard the while. + + “Thou seest that Death for a woman can + Do more than knighthood for a man.” + + “But show me the child thou callest mine, + Is she out to-night in the ghost’s sunshine?” + + “In St. Peter’s Church she is playing on, + At hide-and-seek, with Apostle John. + + When the moonbeams right through the window go, + Where the twelve are standing in glorious show, + + She says the rest of them do not stir, + But one comes down to play with her. + + Then I can go where I list, and weep, + For good St. John my child will keep.” + + “Thy beauty filleth the very air, + Never saw I a woman so fair.” + + “Come, if thou darest, and sit by my side; + But do not touch me, or woe will betide. + + Alas, I am weak: I might well know + This gladness betokens some further woe. + + Yet come. It will come. I will bear it. I can. + For thou lovest me yet—though but as a man.” + + The knight dismounted in earnest speed; + Away through the tombstones thundered the steed, + + And fell by the outer wall, and died. + But the knight he kneeled by the lady’s side; + + Kneeled beside her in wondrous bliss, + Rapt in an everlasting kiss: + + Though never his lips come the lady nigh, + And his eyes alone on her beauty lie. + + All the night long, till the cock crew loud, + He kneeled by the lady, lapt in her shroud. + + And what they said, I may not say: + Dead night was sweeter than living day. + + How she made him so blissful glad + Who made her and found her so ghostly sad, + + I may not tell; but it needs no touch + To make them blessed who love so much. + + “Come every night, my ghost, to me; + And one night I will come to thee. + + ‘Tis good to have a ghostly wife: + She will not tremble at clang of strife; + + She will only hearken, amid the din, + Behind the door, if he cometh in.” + + And this is how Sir Aglovaile + Often walked in the moonlight pale. + + And oft when the crescent but thinned the gloom, + Full orbed moonlight filled his room; + + And through beneath his chamber door, + Fell a ghostly gleam on the outer floor; + + And they that passed, in fear averred + That murmured words they often heard. + + ‘Twas then that the eastern crescent shone + Through the chancel window, and good St. John + + Played with the ghost-child all the night, + And the mother was free till the morning light, + + And sped through the dawning night, to stay + With Aglovaile till the break of day. + + And their love was a rapture, lone and high, + And dumb as the moon in the topmost sky. + + One night Sir Aglovaile, weary, slept + And dreamed a dream wherein he wept. + + A warrior he was, not often wept he, + But this night he wept full bitterly. + + He woke—beside him the ghost-girl shone + Out of the dark: ‘twas the eve of St. John. + + He had dreamed a dream of a still, dark wood, + Where the maiden of old beside him stood; + + But a mist came down, and caught her away, + And he sought her in vain through the pathless day, + + Till he wept with the grief that can do no more, + And thought he had dreamt the dream before. + + From bursting heart the weeping flowed on; + And lo! beside him the ghost-girl shone; + + Shone like the light on a harbour’s breast, + Over the sea of his dream’s unrest; + + Shone like the wondrous, nameless boon, + That the heart seeks ever, night or noon: + + Warnings forgotten, when needed most, + He clasped to his bosom the radiant ghost. + + She wailed aloud, and faded, and sank. + With upturn’d white face, cold and blank, + + In his arms lay the corpse of the maiden pale, + And she came no more to Sir Aglovaile. + + Only a voice, when winds were wild, + Sobbed and wailed like a chidden child. + + <i>Alas, how easily things go wrong! + A sigh too much, or a kiss too long, + And there follows a mist and a weeping rain, + And life is never the same again.</i> +</pre> + <p> + This was one of the simplest of her songs, which, perhaps, is the cause of + my being able to remember it better than most of the others. While she + sung, I was in Elysium, with the sense of a rich soul upholding, + embracing, and overhanging mine, full of all plenty and bounty. I felt as + if she could give me everything I wanted; as if I should never wish to + leave her, but would be content to be sung to and fed by her, day after + day, as years rolled by. At last I fell asleep while she sang. + </p> + <p> + When I awoke, I knew not whether it was night or day. The fire had sunk to + a few red embers, which just gave light enough to show me the woman + standing a few feet from me, with her back towards me, facing the door by + which I had entered. She was weeping, but very gently and plentifully. The + tears seemed to come freely from her heart. Thus she stood for a few + minutes; then, slowly turning at right angles to her former position, she + faced another of the four sides of the cottage. I now observed, for the + first time, that here was a door likewise; and that, indeed, there was one + in the centre of every side of the cottage. + </p> + <p> + When she looked towards the second door, her tears ceased to flow, but + sighs took their place. She often closed her eyes as she stood; and every + time she closed her eyes, a gentle sigh seemed to be born in her heart, + and to escape at her lips. But when her eyes were open, her sighs were + deep and very sad, and shook her whole frame. Then she turned towards the + third door, and a cry as of fear or suppressed pain broke from her; but + she seemed to hearten herself against the dismay, and to front it + steadily; for, although I often heard a slight cry, and sometimes a moan, + yet she never moved or bent her head, and I felt sure that her eyes never + closed. Then she turned to the fourth door, and I saw her shudder, and + then stand still as a statue; till at last she turned towards me and + approached the fire. I saw that her face was white as death. But she gave + one look upwards, and smiled the sweetest, most child-innocent smile; then + heaped fresh wood on the fire, and, sitting down by the blaze, drew her + wheel near her, and began to spin. While she spun, she murmured a low + strange song, to which the hum of the wheel made a kind of infinite + symphony. At length she paused in her spinning and singing, and glanced + towards me, like a mother who looks whether or not her child gives signs + of waking. She smiled when she saw that my eyes were open. I asked her + whether it was day yet. She answered, “It is always day here, so long as I + keep my fire burning.” + </p> + <p> + I felt wonderfully refreshed; and a great desire to see more of the island + awoke within me. I rose, and saying that I wished to look about me, went + towards the door by which I had entered. + </p> + <p> + “Stay a moment,” said my hostess, with some trepidation in her voice. + “Listen to me. You will not see what you expect when you go out of that + door. Only remember this: whenever you wish to come back to me, enter + wherever you see this mark.” + </p> + <p> + She held up her left hand between me and the fire. Upon the palm, which + appeared almost transparent, I saw, in dark red, a mark like this —> + which I took care to fix in my mind. + </p> + <p> + She then kissed me, and bade me good-bye with a solemnity that awed me; + and bewildered me too, seeing I was only going out for a little ramble in + an island, which I did not believe larger than could easily be compassed + in a few hours’ walk at most. As I went she resumed her spinning. + </p> + <p> + I opened the door, and stepped out. The moment my foot touched the smooth + sward, I seemed to issue from the door of an old barn on my father’s + estate, where, in the hot afternoons, I used to go and lie amongst the + straw, and read. It seemed to me now that I had been asleep there. At a + little distance in the field, I saw two of my brothers at play. The moment + they caught sight of me, they called out to me to come and join them, + which I did; and we played together as we had done years ago, till the red + sun went down in the west, and the gray fog began to rise from the river. + Then we went home together with a strange happiness. As we went, we heard + the continually renewed larum of a landrail in the long grass. One of my + brothers and I separated to a little distance, and each commenced running + towards the part whence the sound appeared to come, in the hope of + approaching the spot where the bird was, and so getting at least a sight + of it, if we should not be able to capture the little creature. My + father’s voice recalled us from trampling down the rich long grass, soon + to be cut down and laid aside for the winter. I had quite forgotten all + about Fairy Land, and the wonderful old woman, and the curious red mark. + </p> + <p> + My favourite brother and I shared the same bed. Some childish dispute + arose between us; and our last words, ere we fell asleep, were not of + kindness, notwithstanding the pleasures of the day. When I woke in the + morning, I missed him. He had risen early, and had gone to bathe in the + river. In another hour, he was brought home drowned. Alas! alas! if we had + only gone to sleep as usual, the one with his arm about the other! Amidst + the horror of the moment, a strange conviction flashed across my mind, + that I had gone through the very same once before. + </p> + <p> + I rushed out of the house, I knew not why, sobbing and crying bitterly. I + ran through the fields in aimless distress, till, passing the old barn, I + caught sight of a red mark on the door. The merest trifles sometimes rivet + the attention in the deepest misery; the intellect has so little to do + with grief. I went up to look at this mark, which I did not remember ever + to have seen before. As I looked at it, I thought I would go in and lie + down amongst the straw, for I was very weary with running about and + weeping. I opened the door; and there in the cottage sat the old woman as + I had left her, at her spinning-wheel. + </p> + <p> + “I did not expect you quite so soon,” she said, as I shut the door behind + me. I went up to the couch, and threw myself on it with that fatigue + wherewith one awakes from a feverish dream of hopeless grief. + </p> + <p> + The old woman sang: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + The great sun, benighted, + May faint from the sky; + But love, once uplighted, + Will never more die. + + Form, with its brightness, + From eyes will depart: + It walketh, in whiteness, + The halls of the heart. +</pre> + <p> + Ere she had ceased singing, my courage had returned. I started from the + couch, and, without taking leave of the old woman, opened the door of + Sighs, and sprang into what should appear. + </p> + <p> + I stood in a lordly hall, where, by a blazing fire on the hearth, sat a + lady, waiting, I knew, for some one long desired. A mirror was near me, + but I saw that my form had no place within its depths, so I feared not + that I should be seen. The lady wonderfully resembled my marble lady, but + was altogether of the daughters of men, and I could not tell whether or + not it was she. + </p> + <p> + It was not for me she waited. The tramp of a great horse rang through the + court without. It ceased, and the clang of armour told that his rider + alighted, and the sound of his ringing heels approached the hall. The door + opened; but the lady waited, for she would meet her lord alone. He strode + in: she flew like a home-bound dove into his arms, and nestled on the hard + steel. It was the knight of the soiled armour. But now the armour shone + like polished glass; and strange to tell, though the mirror reflected not + my form, I saw a dim shadow of myself in the shining steel. + </p> + <p> + “O my beloved, thou art come, and I am blessed.” + </p> + <p> + Her soft fingers speedily overcame the hard clasp of his helmet; one by + one she undid the buckles of his armour; and she toiled under the weight + of the mail, as she <i>would</i> carry it aside. Then she unclasped his greaves, + and unbuckled his spurs; and once more she sprang into his arms, and laid + her head where she could now feel the beating of his heart. Then she + disengaged herself from his embrace, and, moving back a step or two, gazed + at him. He stood there a mighty form, crowned with a noble head, where all + sadness had disappeared, or had been absorbed in solemn purpose. Yet I + suppose that he looked more thoughtful than the lady had expected to see + him, for she did not renew her caresses, although his face glowed with + love, and the few words he spoke were as mighty deeds for strength; but + she led him towards the hearth, and seated him in an ancient chair, and + set wine before him, and sat at his feet. + </p> + <p> + “I am sad,” he said, “when I think of the youth whom I met twice in the + forests of Fairy Land; and who, you say, twice, with his songs, roused you + from the death-sleep of an evil enchantment. There was something noble in + him, but it was a nobleness of thought, and not of deed. He may yet perish + of vile fear.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” returned the lady, “you saved him once, and for that I thank you; + for may I not say that I somewhat loved him? But tell me how you fared, + when you struck your battle-axe into the ash-tree, and he came and found + you; for so much of the story you had told me, when the beggar-child came + and took you away.” + </p> + <p> + “As soon as I saw him,” rejoined the knight, “I knew that earthly arms + availed not against such as he; and that my soul must meet him in its + naked strength. So I unclasped my helm, and flung it on the ground; and, + holding my good axe yet in my hand, gazed at him with steady eyes. On he + came, a horror indeed, but I did not flinch. Endurance must conquer, where + force could not reach. He came nearer and nearer, till the ghastly face + was close to mine. A shudder as of death ran through me; but I think I did + not move, for he seemed to quail, and retreated. As soon as he gave back, + I struck one more sturdy blow on the stem of his tree, that the forest + rang; and then looked at him again. He writhed and grinned with rage and + apparent pain, and again approached me, but retreated sooner than before. + I heeded him no more, but hewed with a will at the tree, till the trunk + creaked, and the head bowed, and with a crash it fell to the earth. Then I + looked up from my labour, and lo! the spectre had vanished, and I saw him + no more; nor ever in my wanderings have I heard of him again.” + </p> + <p> + “Well struck! well withstood! my hero,” said the lady. + </p> + <p> + “But,” said the knight, somewhat troubled, “dost thou love the youth + still?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” she replied, “how can I help it? He woke me from worse than death; + he loved me. I had never been for thee, if he had not sought me first. But + I love him not as I love thee. He was but the moon of my night; thou art + the sun of my day, O beloved.” + </p> + <p> + “Thou art right,” returned the noble man. “It were hard, indeed, not to + have some love in return for such a gift as he hath given thee. I, too, + owe him more than words can speak.” + </p> + <p> + Humbled before them, with an aching and desolate heart, I yet could not + restrain my words: + </p> + <p> + “Let me, then, be the moon of thy night still, O woman! And when thy day + is beclouded, as the fairest days will be, let some song of mine comfort + thee, as an old, withered, half-forgotten thing, that belongs to an + ancient mournful hour of uncompleted birth, which yet was beautiful in its + time.” + </p> + <p> + They sat silent, and I almost thought they were listening. The colour of + the lady’s eyes grew deeper and deeper; the slow tears grew, and filled + them, and overflowed. They rose, and passed, hand in hand, close to where + I stood; and each looked towards me in passing. Then they disappeared + through a door which closed behind them; but, ere it closed, I saw that + the room into which it opened was a rich chamber, hung with gorgeous + arras. I stood with an ocean of sighs frozen in my bosom. I could remain + no longer. She was near me, and I could not see her; near me in the arms + of one loved better than I, and I would not see her, and I would not be by + her. But how to escape from the nearness of the best beloved? I had not + this time forgotten the mark; for the fact that I could not enter the + sphere of these living beings kept me aware that, for me, I moved in a + vision, while they moved in life. I looked all about for the mark, but + could see it nowhere; for I avoided looking just where it was. There the + dull red cipher glowed, on the very door of their secret chamber. Struck + with agony, I dashed it open, and fell at the feet of the ancient woman, + who still spun on, the whole dissolved ocean of my sighs bursting from me + in a storm of tearless sobs. Whether I fainted or slept, I do not know; + but, as I returned to consciousness, before I seemed to have power to + move, I heard the woman singing, and could distinguish the words: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + O light of dead and of dying days! + O Love! in thy glory go, + In a rosy mist and a moony maze, + O’er the pathless peaks of snow. + + But what is left for the cold gray soul, + That moans like a wounded dove? + One wine is left in the broken bowl!— + ‘Tis—<i>To love, and love and love</i>. +</pre> +<p> + Now I could weep. When she saw me weeping, she sang: +</p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Better to sit at the waters’ birth, + Than a sea of waves to win; + To live in the love that floweth forth, + Than the love that cometh in. + + Be thy heart a well of love, my child, + Flowing, and free, and sure; + For a cistern of love, though undefiled, + Keeps not the spirit pure. +</pre> + <p> + I rose from the earth, loving the white lady as I had never loved her + before. + </p> + <p> + Then I walked up to the door of Dismay, and opened it, and went out. And + lo! I came forth upon a crowded street, where men and women went to and + fro in multitudes. I knew it well; and, turning to one hand, walked sadly + along the pavement. Suddenly I saw approaching me, a little way off, a + form well known to me (<i>well-known!</i>—alas, how weak the word!) in the + years when I thought my boyhood was left behind, and shortly before I + entered the realm of Fairy Land. Wrong and Sorrow had gone together, + hand-in-hand as it is well they do. + </p> + <p> + Unchangeably dear was that face. It lay in my heart as a child lies in its + own white bed; but I could not meet her. + </p> + <p> + “Anything but that,” I said, and, turning aside, sprang up the steps to a + door, on which I fancied I saw the mystic sign. I entered—not the + mysterious cottage, but her home. I rushed wildly on, and stood by the + door of her room. + </p> + <p> + “She is out,” I said, “I will see the old room once more.” + </p> + <p> + I opened the door gently, and stood in a great solemn church. A deep-toned + bell, whose sounds throbbed and echoed and swam through the empty + building, struck the hour of midnight. The moon shone through the windows + of the clerestory, and enough of the ghostly radiance was diffused through + the church to let me see, walking with a stately, yet somewhat trailing + and stumbling step, down the opposite aisle, for I stood in one of the + transepts, a figure dressed in a white robe, whether for the night, or for + that longer night which lies too deep for the day, I could not tell. Was + it she? and was this her chamber? I crossed the church, and followed. The + figure stopped, seemed to ascend as it were a high bed, and lay down. I + reached the place where it lay, glimmering white. The bed was a tomb. The + light was too ghostly to see clearly, but I passed my hand over the face + and the hands and the feet, which were all bare. They were cold—they + were marble, but I knew them. It grew dark. I turned to retrace my steps, + but found, ere long, that I had wandered into what seemed a little chapel. + I groped about, seeking the door. Everything I touched belonged to the + dead. My hands fell on the cold effigy of a knight who lay with his legs + crossed and his sword broken beside him. He lay in his noble rest, and I + lived on in ignoble strife. I felt for the left hand and a certain finger; + I found there the ring I knew: he was one of my own ancestors. I was in + the chapel over the burial-vault of my race. I called aloud: “If any of + the dead are moving here, let them take pity upon me, for I, alas! am + still alive; and let some dead woman comfort me, for I am a stranger in + the land of the dead, and see no light.” A warm kiss alighted on my lips + through the dark. And I said, “The dead kiss well; I will not be afraid.” + And a great hand was reached out of the dark, and grasped mine for a + moment, mightily and tenderly. I said to myself: “The veil between, though + very dark, is very thin.” + </p> + <p> + Groping my way further, I stumbled over the heavy stone that covered the + entrance of the vault: and, in stumbling, descried upon the stone the + mark, glowing in red fire. I caught the great ring. All my effort could + not have moved the huge slab; but it opened the door of the cottage, and I + threw myself once more, pale and speechless, on the couch beside the + ancient dame. She sang once more: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Thou dreamest: on a rock thou art, + High o’er the broken wave; + Thou fallest with a fearful start + But not into thy grave; + For, waking in the morning’s light, + Thou smilest at the vanished night + + So wilt thou sink, all pale and dumb, + Into the fainting gloom; + But ere the coming terrors come, + Thou wak’st—where is the tomb? + Thou wak’st—the dead ones smile above, + With hovering arms of sleepless love. +</pre> +<p> + She paused; then sang again: +</p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + We weep for gladness, weep for grief; + The tears they are the same; + We sigh for longing, and relief; + The sighs have but one name, + + And mingled in the dying strife, + Are moans that are not sad + The pangs of death are throbs of life, + Its sighs are sometimes glad. + + The face is very strange and white: + It is Earth’s only spot + That feebly flickers back the light + The living seeth not. +</pre> +<p> + I fell asleep, and slept a dreamless sleep, for I know not how +long. When I awoke, I found that my hostess had moved from where she had +been sitting, and now sat between me and the fourth door. +</p> + <p> + I guessed that her design was to prevent my entering there. I sprang from + the couch, and darted past her to the door. I opened it at once and went + out. All I remember is a cry of distress from the woman: “Don’t go there, + my child! Don’t go there!” But I was gone. + </p> + <p> + I knew nothing more; or, if I did, I had forgot it all when I awoke to + consciousness, lying on the floor of the cottage, with my head in the lap + of the woman, who was weeping over me, and stroking my hair with both + hands, talking to me as a mother might talk to a sick and sleeping, or a + dead child. As soon as I looked up and saw her, she smiled through her + tears; smiled with withered face and young eyes, till her countenance was + irradiated with the light of the smile. Then she bathed my head and face + and hands in an icy cold, colourless liquid, which smelt a little of damp + earth. Immediately I was able to sit up. She rose and put some food before + me. When I had eaten, she said: “Listen to me, my child. You must leave me + directly!” + </p> + <p> + “Leave you!” I said. “I am so happy with you. I never was so happy in my + life.” + </p> + <p> + “But you must go,” she rejoined sadly. “Listen! What do you hear?” + </p> + <p> + “I hear the sound as of a great throbbing of water.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! you do hear it? Well, I had to go through that door—the door of + the Timeless” (and she shuddered as she pointed to the fourth door)—“to + find you; for if I had not gone, you would never have entered again; and + because I went, the waters around my cottage will rise and rise, and flow + and come, till they build a great firmament of waters over my dwelling. + But as long as I keep my fire burning, they cannot enter. I have fuel + enough for years; and after one year they will sink away again, and be + just as they were before you came. I have not been buried for a hundred + years now.” And she smiled and wept. + </p> + <p> + “Alas! alas!” I cried. “I have brought this evil on the best and kindest + of friends, who has filled my heart with great gifts.” + </p> + <p> + “Do not think of that,” she rejoined. “I can bear it very well. You will + come back to me some day, I know. But I beg you, for my sake, my dear + child, to do one thing. In whatever sorrow you may be, however + inconsolable and irremediable it may appear, believe me that the old woman + in the cottage, with the young eyes” (and she smiled), “knows something, + though she must not always tell it, that would quite satisfy you about it, + even in the worst moments of your distress. Now you must go.” + </p> + <p> + “But how can I go, if the waters are all about, and if the doors all lead + into other regions and other worlds?” + </p> + <p> + “This is not an island,” she replied; “but is joined to the land by a + narrow neck; and for the door, I will lead you myself through the right + one.” + </p> + <p> + She took my hand, and led me through the third door; whereupon I found + myself standing in the deep grassy turf on which I had landed from the + little boat, but upon the opposite side of the cottage. She pointed out + the direction I must take, to find the isthmus and escape the rising + waters. + </p> + <p> + Then putting her arms around me, she held me to her bosom; and as I kissed + her, I felt as if I were leaving my mother for the first time, and could + not help weeping bitterly. At length she gently pushed me away, and with + the words, “Go, my son, and do something worth doing,” turned back, and, + entering the cottage, closed the door behind her. I felt very desolate as + I went. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0020" id="link2HCH0020"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XX + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Thou hadst no fame; that which thou didst like good + Was but thy appetite that swayed thy blood + For that time to the best; for as a blast + That through a house comes, usually doth cast + Things out of order, yet by chance may come + And blow some one thing to his proper room, + So did thy appetite, and not thy zeal, + Sway thee by chance to do some one thing well.” + FLETCHER’S <i>Faithful Shepherdess</i>. + + “The noble hart that harbours vertuous thought + And is with childe of glorious great intent, + Can never rest, until it forth have brought + Th’ eternall brood of glorie excellent.” + SPENSER, <i>The Faerie Queene</i>. +</pre> + <p> + I had not gone very far before I felt that the turf beneath my feet was + soaked with the rising waters. But I reached the isthmus in safety. It was + rocky, and so much higher than the level of the peninsula, that I had + plenty of time to cross. I saw on each side of me the water rising + rapidly, altogether without wind, or violent motion, or broken waves, but + as if a slow strong fire were glowing beneath it. Ascending a steep + acclivity, I found myself at last in an open, rocky country. After + travelling for some hours, as nearly in a straight line as I could, I + arrived at a lonely tower, built on the top of a little hill, which + overlooked the whole neighbouring country. As I approached, I heard the + clang of an anvil; and so rapid were the blows, that I despaired of making + myself heard till a pause in the work should ensue. It was some minutes + before a cessation took place; but when it did, I knocked loudly, and had + not long to wait; for, a moment after, the door was partly opened by a + noble-looking youth, half-undressed, glowing with heat, and begrimed with + the blackness of the forge. In one hand he held a sword, so lately from + the furnace that it yet shone with a dull fire. As soon as he saw me, he + threw the door wide open, and standing aside, invited me very cordially to + enter. I did so; when he shut and bolted the door most carefully, and then + led the way inwards. He brought me into a rude hall, which seemed to + occupy almost the whole of the ground floor of the little tower, and which + I saw was now being used as a workshop. A huge fire roared on the hearth, + beside which was an anvil. By the anvil stood, in similar undress, and in + a waiting attitude, hammer in hand, a second youth, tall as the former, + but far more slightly built. Reversing the usual course of perception in + such meetings, I thought them, at first sight, very unlike; and at the + second glance, knew that they were brothers. The former, and apparently + the elder, was muscular and dark, with curling hair, and large hazel eyes, + which sometimes grew wondrously soft. The second was slender and fair, yet + with a countenance like an eagle, and an eye which, though pale blue, + shone with an almost fierce expression. He stood erect, as if looking from + a lofty mountain crag, over a vast plain outstretched below. As soon as we + entered the hall, the elder turned to me, and I saw that a glow of + satisfaction shone on both their faces. To my surprise and great pleasure, + he addressed me thus: + </p> + <p> + “Brother, will you sit by the fire and rest, till we finish this part of + our work?” + </p> + <p> + I signified my assent; and, resolved to await any disclosure they might be + inclined to make, seated myself in silence near the hearth. + </p> + <p> + The elder brother then laid the sword in the fire, covered it well over, + and when it had attained a sufficient degree of heat, drew it out and laid + it on the anvil, moving it carefully about, while the younger, with a + succession of quick smart blows, appeared either to be welding it, or + hammering one part of it to a consenting shape with the rest. Having + finished, they laid it carefully in the fire; and, when it was very hot + indeed, plunged it into a vessel full of some liquid, whence a blue flame + sprang upwards, as the glowing steel entered. + </p> + <p> + There they left it; and drawing two stools to the fire, sat down, one on + each side of me. + </p> + <p> + “We are very glad to see you, brother. We have been expecting you for some + days,” said the dark-haired youth. + </p> + <p> + “I am proud to be called your brother,” I rejoined; “and you will not + think I refuse the name, if I desire to know why you honour me with it?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! then he does not know about it,” said the younger. “We thought you + had known of the bond betwixt us, and the work we have to do together. You + must tell him, brother, from the first.” + </p> + <p> + So the elder began: + </p> + <p> + “Our father is king of this country. Before we were born, three giant + brothers had appeared in the land. No one knew exactly when, and no one + had the least idea whence they came. They took possession of a ruined + castle that had stood unchanged and unoccupied within the memory of any of + the country people. The vaults of this castle had remained uninjured by + time, and these, I presume, they made use of at first. They were rarely + seen, and never offered the least injury to any one; so that they were + regarded in the neighbourhood as at least perfectly harmless, if not + rather benevolent beings. But it began to be observed, that the old castle + had assumed somehow or other, no one knew when or how, a somewhat + different look from what it used to have. Not only were several breaches + in the lower part of the walls built up, but actually some of the + battlements which yet stood, had been repaired, apparently to prevent them + from falling into worse decay, while the more important parts were being + restored. Of course, every one supposed the giants must have a hand in the + work, but no one ever saw them engaged in it. The peasants became yet more + uneasy, after one, who had concealed himself, and watched all night, in + the neighbourhood of the castle, reported that he had seen, in full + moonlight, the three huge giants working with might and main, all night + long, restoring to their former position some massive stones, formerly + steps of a grand turnpike stair, a great portion of which had long since + fallen, along with part of the wall of the round tower in which it had + been built. This wall they were completing, foot by foot, along with the + stair. But the people said they had no just pretext for interfering: + although the real reason for letting the giants alone was, that everybody + was far too much afraid of them to interrupt them. + </p> + <p> + “At length, with the help of a neighbouring quarry, the whole of the + external wall of the castle was finished. And now the country folks were + in greater fear than before. But for several years the giants remained + very peaceful. The reason of this was afterwards supposed to be the fact, + that they were distantly related to several good people in the country; + for, as long as these lived, they remained quiet; but as soon as they were + all dead the real nature of the giants broke out. Having completed the + outside of their castle, they proceeded, by spoiling the country houses + around them, to make a quiet luxurious provision for their comfort within. + Affairs reached such a pass, that the news of their robberies came to my + father’s ears; but he, alas! was so crippled in his resources, by a war he + was carrying on with a neighbouring prince, that he could only spare a + very few men, to attempt the capture of their stronghold. Upon these the + giants issued in the night, and slew every man of them. And now, grown + bolder by success and impunity, they no longer confined their depredations + to property, but began to seize the persons of their distinguished + neighbours, knights and ladies, and hold them in durance, the misery of + which was heightened by all manner of indignity, until they were redeemed + by their friends, at an exorbitant ransom. Many knights have adventured + their overthrow, but to their own instead; for they have all been slain, + or captured, or forced to make a hasty retreat. To crown their enormities, + if any man now attempts their destruction, they, immediately upon his + defeat, put one or more of their captives to a shameful death, on a turret + in sight of all passers-by; so that they have been much less molested of + late; and we, although we have burned, for years, to attack these demons + and destroy them, dared not, for the sake of their captives, risk the + adventure, before we should have reached at least our earliest manhood. + Now, however, we are preparing for the attempt; and the grounds of this + preparation are these. Having only the resolution, and not the experience + necessary for the undertaking, we went and consulted a lonely woman of + wisdom, who lives not very far from here, in the direction of the quarter + from which you have come. She received us most kindly, and gave us what + seems to us the best of advice. She first inquired what experience we had + had in arms. We told her we had been well exercised from our boyhood, and + for some years had kept ourselves in constant practice, with a view to + this necessity. + </p> + <p> + “‘But you have not actually fought for life and death?’ said she. + </p> + <p> + “We were forced to confess we had not. + </p> + <p> + “‘So much the better in some respects,’ she replied. ‘Now listen to me. Go + first and work with an armourer, for as long time as you find needful to + obtain a knowledge of his craft; which will not be long, seeing your + hearts will be all in the work. Then go to some lonely tower, you two + alone. Receive no visits from man or woman. There forge for yourselves + every piece of armour that you wish to wear, or to use, in your coming + encounter. And keep up your exercises. As, however, two of you can be no + match for the three giants, I will find you, if I can, a third brother, + who will take on himself the third share of the fight, and the + preparation. Indeed, I have already seen one who will, I think, be the + very man for your fellowship, but it will be some time before he comes to + me. He is wandering now without an aim. I will show him to you in a glass, + and, when he comes, you will know him at once. If he will share your + endeavours, you must teach him all you know, and he will repay you well, + in present song, and in future deeds.’ + </p> + <p> + “She opened the door of a curious old cabinet that stood in the room. On + the inside of this door was an oval convex mirror. Looking in it for some + time, we at length saw reflected the place where we stood, and the old + dame seated in her chair. Our forms were not reflected. But at the feet of + the dame lay a young man, yourself, weeping. + </p> + <p> + “‘Surely this youth will not serve our ends,’ said I, ‘for he weeps.’ + </p> + <p> + “The old woman smiled. ‘Past tears are present strength,’ said she. + </p> + <p> + “‘Oh!’ said my brother, ‘I saw you weep once over an eagle you shot.’ + </p> + <p> + “‘That was because it was so like you, brother,’ I replied; ‘but indeed, + this youth may have better cause for tears than that—I was wrong.’ + </p> + <p> + “‘Wait a while,’ said the woman; ‘if I mistake not, he will make you weep + till your tears are dry for ever. Tears are the only cure for weeping. And + you may have need of the cure, before you go forth to fight the giants. + You must wait for him, in your tower, till he comes.’ + </p> + <p> + “Now if you will join us, we will soon teach you to make your armour; and + we will fight together, and work together, and love each other as never + three loved before. And you will sing to us, will you not?” + </p> + <p> + “That I will, when I can,” I answered; “but it is only at times that the + power of song comes upon me. For that I must wait; but I have a feeling + that if I work well, song will not be far off to enliven the labour.” + </p> + <p> + This was all the compact made: the brothers required nothing more, and I + did not think of giving anything more. I rose, and threw off my upper + garments. + </p> + <p> + “I know the uses of the sword,” I said. “I am ashamed of my white hands + beside yours so nobly soiled and hard; but that shame will soon be wiped + away.” + </p> + <p> + “No, no; we will not work to-day. Rest is as needful as toil. Bring the + wine, brother; it is your turn to serve to-day.” + </p> + <p> + The younger brother soon covered a table with rough viands, but good wine; + and we ate and drank heartily, beside our work. Before the meal was over, + I had learned all their story. Each had something in his heart which made + the conviction, that he would victoriously perish in the coming conflict, + a real sorrow to him. Otherwise they thought they would have lived enough. + The causes of their trouble were respectively these: + </p> + <p> + While they wrought with an armourer, in a city famed for workmanship in + steel and silver, the elder had fallen in love with a lady as far beneath + him in real rank, as she was above the station he had as apprentice to an + armourer. Nor did he seek to further his suit by discovering himself; but + there was simply so much manhood about him, that no one ever thought of + rank when in his company. This is what his brother said about it. The lady + could not help loving him in return. He told her when he left her, that he + had a perilous adventure before him, and that when it was achieved, she + would either see him return to claim her, or hear that he had died with + honour. The younger brother’s grief arose from the fact, that, if they + were both slain, his old father, the king, would be childless. His love + for his father was so exceeding, that to one unable to sympathise with it, + it would have appeared extravagant. Both loved him equally at heart; but + the love of the younger had been more developed, because his thoughts and + anxieties had not been otherwise occupied. When at home, he had been his + constant companion; and, of late, had ministered to the infirmities of his + growing age. The youth was never weary of listening to the tales of his + sire’s youthful adventures; and had not yet in the smallest degree lost + the conviction, that his father was the greatest man in the world. The + grandest triumph possible to his conception was, to return to his father, + laden with the spoils of one of the hated giants. But they both were in + some dread, lest the thought of the loneliness of these two might occur to + them, in the moment when decision was most necessary, and disturb, in some + degree, the self-possession requisite for the success of their attempt. + For, as I have said, they were yet untried in actual conflict. “Now,” + thought I, “I see to what the powers of my gift must minister.” For my own + part, I did not dread death, for I had nothing to care to live for; but I + dreaded the encounter because of the responsibility connected with it. I + resolved however to work hard, and thus grow cool, and quick, and + forceful. + </p> + <p> + The time passed away in work and song, in talk and ramble, in friendly + fight and brotherly aid. I would not forge for myself armour of heavy mail + like theirs, for I was not so powerful as they, and depended more for any + success I might secure, upon nimbleness of motion, certainty of eye, and + ready response of hand. Therefore I began to make for myself a shirt of + steel plates and rings; which work, while more troublesome, was better + suited to me than the heavier labour. Much assistance did the brothers + give me, even after, by their instructions, I was able to make some + progress alone. Their work was in a moment abandoned, to render any + required aid to mine. As the old woman had promised, I tried to repay them + with song; and many were the tears they both shed over my ballads and + dirges. The songs they liked best to hear were two which I made for them. + They were not half so good as many others I knew, especially some I had + learned from the wise woman in the cottage; but what comes nearest to our + needs we like the best. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> +I The king sat on his throne + Glowing in gold and red; + The crown in his right hand shone, + And the gray hairs crowned his head. + + His only son walks in, + And in walls of steel he stands: + Make me, O father, strong to win, + With the blessing of holy hands.” + + He knelt before his sire, + Who blessed him with feeble smile + His eyes shone out with a kingly fire, + But his old lips quivered the while. + + “Go to the fight, my son, + Bring back the giant’s head; + And the crown with which my brows have done, + Shall glitter on thine instead.” + + “My father, I seek no crowns, + But unspoken praise from thee; + For thy people’s good, and thy renown, + I will die to set them free.” + + The king sat down and waited there, + And rose not, night nor day; + Till a sound of shouting filled the air, + And cries of a sore dismay. + + Then like a king he sat once more, + With the crown upon his head; + And up to the throne the people bore + A mighty giant dead. + + And up to the throne the people bore + A pale and lifeless boy. + The king rose up like a prophet of yore, + In a lofty, deathlike joy. + + He put the crown on the chilly brow: + “Thou should’st have reigned with me + But Death is the king of both, and now + I go to obey with thee. + + “Surely some good in me there lay, + To beget the noble one.” + The old man smiled like a winter day, + And fell beside his son. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> +II “O lady, thy lover is dead,” they cried; + “He is dead, but hath slain the foe; + He hath left his name to be magnified + In a song of wonder and woe.” + + “Alas! I am well repaid,” said she, + “With a pain that stings like joy: + For I feared, from his tenderness to me, + That he was but a feeble boy. + + “Now I shall hold my head on high, + The queen among my kind; + If ye hear a sound, ‘tis only a sigh + For a glory left behind.” + </pre> + <p> + The first three times I sang these songs they both wept passionately. But + after the third time, they wept no more. Their eyes shone, and their faces + grew pale, but they never wept at any of my songs again. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0021" id="link2HCH0021"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXI + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “I put my life in my hands.”—<i>The Book of Judges</i>. +</pre> + <p> + At length, with much toil and equal delight, our armour was finished. We + armed each other, and tested the strength of the defence, with many blows + of loving force. I was inferior in strength to both my brothers, but a + little more agile than either; and upon this agility, joined to precision + in hitting with the point of my weapon, I grounded my hopes of success in + the ensuing combat. I likewise laboured to develop yet more the keenness + of sight with which I was naturally gifted; and, from the remarks of my + companions, I soon learned that my endeavours were not in vain. + </p> + <p> + The morning arrived on which we had determined to make the attempt, and + succeed or perish—perhaps both. We had resolved to fight on foot; + knowing that the mishap of many of the knights who had made the attempt, + had resulted from the fright of their horses at the appearance of the + giants; and believing with Sir Gawain, that, though mare’s sons might be + false to us, the earth would never prove a traitor. But most of our + preparations were, in their immediate aim at least, frustrated. + </p> + <p> + We rose, that fatal morning, by daybreak. We had rested from all labour + the day before, and now were fresh as the lark. We bathed in cold spring + water, and dressed ourselves in clean garments, with a sense of + preparation, as for a solemn festivity. When we had broken our fast, I + took an old lyre, which I had found in the tower and had myself repaired, + and sung for the last time the two ballads of which I have said so much + already. I followed them with this, for a closing song: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Oh, well for him who breaks his dream + With the blow that ends the strife + And, waking, knows the peace that flows + Around the pain of life! + + We are dead, my brothers! Our bodies clasp, + As an armour, our souls about; + This hand is the battle-axe I grasp, + And this my hammer stout. + + Fear not, my brothers, for we are dead; + No noise can break our rest; + The calm of the grave is about the head, + And the heart heaves not the breast. + + And our life we throw to our people back, + To live with, a further store; + We leave it them, that there be no lack + In the land where we live no more. + + Oh, well for him who breaks his dream + With the blow that ends the strife + And, waking, knows the peace that flows + Around the noise of life! +</pre> +<p> + As the last few tones of the instrument were following, like a +dirge, the death of the song, we all sprang to our feet. For, through +one of the little windows of the tower, towards which I had looked as +I sang, I saw, suddenly rising over the edge of the slope on which our +tower stood, three enormous heads. The brothers knew at once, by my +looks, what caused my sudden movement. We were utterly unarmed, and +there was no time to arm. +</p> + <p> + But we seemed to adopt the same resolution simultaneously; for each caught + up his favourite weapon, and, leaving his defence behind, sprang to the + door. I snatched up a long rapier, abruptly, but very finely pointed, in + my sword-hand, and in the other a sabre; the elder brother seized his + heavy battle-axe; and the younger, a great, two-handed sword, which he + wielded in one hand like a feather. We had just time to get clear of the + tower, embrace and say good-bye, and part to some little distance, that we + might not encumber each other’s motions, ere the triple giant-brotherhood + drew near to attack us. They were about twice our height, and armed to the + teeth. Through the visors of their helmets their monstrous eyes shone with + a horrible ferocity. I was in the middle position, and the middle giant + approached me. My eyes were busy with his armour, and I was not a moment + in settling my mode of attack. I saw that his body-armour was somewhat + clumsily made, and that the overlappings in the lower part had more play + than necessary; and I hoped that, in a fortunate moment, some joint would + open a little, in a visible and accessible part. I stood till he came near + enough to aim a blow at me with the mace, which has been, in all ages, the + favourite weapon of giants, when, of course, I leaped aside, and let the + blow fall upon the spot where I had been standing. I expected this would + strain the joints of his armour yet more. Full of fury, he made at me + again; but I kept him busy, constantly eluding his blows, and hoping thus + to fatigue him. He did not seem to fear any assault from me, and I + attempted none as yet; but while I watched his motions in order to avoid + his blows, I, at the same time, kept equal watch upon those joints of his + armour, through some one of which I hoped to reach his life. At length, as + if somewhat fatigued, he paused a moment, and drew himself slightly up; I + bounded forward, foot and hand, ran my rapier right through to the armour + of his back, let go the hilt, and passing under his right arm, turned as + he fell, and flew at him with my sabre. At one happy blow I divided the + band of his helmet, which fell off, and allowed me, with a second cut + across the eyes, to blind him quite; after which I clove his head, and + turned, uninjured, to see how my brothers had fared. Both the giants were + down, but so were my brothers. I flew first to the one and then to the + other couple. Both pairs of combatants were dead, and yet locked together, + as in the death-struggle. The elder had buried his battle-axe in the body + of his foe, and had fallen beneath him as he fell. The giant had strangled + him in his own death-agonies. The younger had nearly hewn off the left leg + of his enemy; and, grappled with in the act, had, while they rolled + together on the earth, found for his dagger a passage betwixt the gorget + and cuirass of the giant, and stabbed him mortally in the throat. The + blood from the giant’s throat was yet pouring over the hand of his foe, + which still grasped the hilt of the dagger sheathed in the wound. They lay + silent. I, the least worthy, remained the sole survivor in the lists. + </p> + <p> + As I stood exhausted amidst the dead, after the first worthy deed of my + life, I suddenly looked behind me, and there lay the Shadow, black in the + sunshine. I went into the lonely tower, and there lay the useless armour + of the noble youths—supine as they. + </p> + <p> + Ah, how sad it looked! It was a glorious death, but it was death. My songs + could not comfort me now. I was almost ashamed that I was alive, when + they, the true-hearted, were no more. And yet I breathed freer to think + that I had gone through the trial, and had not failed. And perhaps I may + be forgiven, if some feelings of pride arose in my bosom, when I looked + down on the mighty form that lay dead by my hand. + </p> + <p> + “After all, however,” I said to myself, and my heart sank, “it was only + skill. Your giant was but a blunderer.” + </p> + <p> + I left the bodies of friends and foes, peaceful enough when the + death-fight was over, and, hastening to the country below, roused the + peasants. They came with shouting and gladness, bringing waggons to carry + the bodies. I resolved to take the princes home to their father, each as + he lay, in the arms of his country’s foe. But first I searched the giants, + and found the keys of their castle, to which I repaired, followed by a + great company of the people. It was a place of wonderful strength. I + released the prisoners, knights and ladies, all in a sad condition, from + the cruelties and neglects of the giants. It humbled me to see them + crowding round me with thanks, when in truth the glorious brothers, lying + dead by their lonely tower, were those to whom the thanks belonged. I had + but aided in carrying out the thought born in their brain, and uttered in + visible form before ever I laid hold thereupon. Yet I did count myself + happy to have been chosen for their brother in this great deed. + </p> + <p> + After a few hours spent in refreshing and clothing the prisoners, we all + commenced our journey towards the capital. This was slow at first; but, as + the strength and spirits of the prisoners returned, it became more rapid; + and in three days we reached the palace of the king. As we entered the + city gates, with the huge bulks lying each on a waggon drawn by horses, + and two of them inextricably intertwined with the dead bodies of their + princes, the people raised a shout and then a cry, and followed in + multitudes the solemn procession. + </p> + <p> + I will not attempt to describe the behaviour of the grand old king. Joy + and pride in his sons overcame his sorrow at their loss. On me he heaped + every kindness that heart could devise or hand execute. He used to sit and + question me, night after night, about everything that was in any way + connected with them and their preparations. Our mode of life, and relation + to each other, during the time we spent together, was a constant theme. He + entered into the minutest details of the construction of the armour, even + to a peculiar mode of riveting some of the plates, with unwearying + interest. This armour I had intended to beg of the king, as my sole + memorials of the contest; but, when I saw the delight he took in + contemplating it, and the consolation it appeared to afford him in his + sorrow, I could not ask for it; but, at his request, left my own, weapons + and all, to be joined with theirs in a trophy, erected in the grand square + of the palace. The king, with gorgeous ceremony, dubbed me knight with his + own old hand, in which trembled the sword of his youth. + </p> + <p> + During the short time I remained, my company was, naturally, much courted + by the young nobles. I was in a constant round of gaiety and diversion, + notwithstanding that the court was in mourning. For the country was so + rejoiced at the death of the giants, and so many of their lost friends had + been restored to the nobility and men of wealth, that the gladness + surpassed the grief. “Ye have indeed left your lives to your people, my + great brothers!” I said. + </p> + <p> + But I was ever and ever haunted by the old shadow, which I had not seen + all the time that I was at work in the tower. Even in the society of the + ladies of the court, who seemed to think it only their duty to make my + stay there as pleasant to me as possible, I could not help being conscious + of its presence, although it might not be annoying me at the time. At + length, somewhat weary of uninterrupted pleasure, and nowise strengthened + thereby, either in body or mind, I put on a splendid suit of armour of + steel inlaid with silver, which the old king had given me, and, mounting + the horse on which it had been brought to me, took my leave of the palace, + to visit the distant city in which the lady dwelt, whom the elder prince + had loved. I anticipated a sore task, in conveying to her the news of his + glorious fate: but this trial was spared me, in a manner as strange as + anything that had happened to me in Fairy Land. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0022" id="link2HCH0022"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “No one has my form but the <i>I</i>.” + <i>Schoppe</i>, in JEAN PAUL’S <i>Titan</i>. + + “Joy’s a subtil elf. + I think man’s happiest when he forgets himself.” + CYRIL TOURNEUR, <i>The Revenger’s Tragedy</i>. +</pre> + <p> + On the third day of my journey, I was riding gently along a road, + apparently little frequented, to judge from the grass that grew upon it. I + was approaching a forest. Everywhere in Fairy Land forests are the places + where one may most certainly expect adventures. As I drew near, a youth, + unarmed, gentle, and beautiful, who had just cut a branch from a yew + growing on the skirts of the wood, evidently to make himself a bow, met + me, and thus accosted me: + </p> + <p> + “Sir knight, be careful as thou ridest through this forest; for it is said + to be strangely enchanted, in a sort which even those who have been + witnesses of its enchantment can hardly describe.” + </p> + <p> + I thanked him for his advice, which I promised to follow, and rode on. But + the moment I entered the wood, it seemed to me that, if enchantment there + was, it must be of a good kind; for the Shadow, which had been more than + usually dark and distressing, since I had set out on this journey, + suddenly disappeared. I felt a wonderful elevation of spirits, and began + to reflect on my past life, and especially on my combat with the giants, + with such satisfaction, that I had actually to remind myself, that I had + only killed one of them; and that, but for the brothers, I should never + have had the idea of attacking them, not to mention the smallest power of + standing to it. Still I rejoiced, and counted myself amongst the glorious + knights of old; having even the unspeakable presumption—my shame and + self-condemnation at the memory of it are such, that I write it as the + only and sorest penance I can perform—to think of myself (will the + world believe it?) as side by side with Sir Galahad! Scarcely had the + thought been born in my mind, when, approaching me from the left, through + the trees, I espied a resplendent knight, of mighty size, whose armour + seemed to shine of itself, without the sun. When he drew near, I was + astonished to see that this armour was like my own; nay, I could trace, + line for line, the correspondence of the inlaid silver to the device on my + own. His horse, too, was like mine in colour, form, and motion; save that, + like his rider, he was greater and fiercer than his counterpart. The + knight rode with beaver up. As he halted right opposite to me in the + narrow path, barring my way, I saw the reflection of my countenance in the + centre plate of shining steel on his breastplate. Above it rose the same + face—his face—only, as I have said, larger and fiercer. I was + bewildered. I could not help feeling some admiration of him, but it was + mingled with a dim conviction that he was evil, and that I ought to fight + with him. + </p> + <p> + “Let me pass,” I said. + </p> + <p> + “When I will,” he replied. + </p> + <p> + Something within me said: “Spear in rest, and ride at him! else thou art + for ever a slave.” + </p> + <p> + I tried, but my arm trembled so much, that I could not couch my lance. To + tell the truth, I, who had overcome the giant, shook like a coward before + this knight. He gave a scornful laugh, that echoed through the wood, + turned his horse, and said, without looking round, “Follow me.” + </p> + <p> + I obeyed, abashed and stupefied. How long he led, and how long I followed, + I cannot tell. “I never knew misery before,” I said to myself. “Would that + I had at least struck him, and had had my death-blow in return! Why, then, + do I not call to him to wheel and defend himself? Alas! I know not why, + but I cannot. One look from him would cow me like a beaten hound.” I + followed, and was silent. + </p> + <p> + At length we came to a dreary square tower, in the middle of a dense + forest. It looked as if scarce a tree had been cut down to make room for + it. Across the very door, diagonally, grew the stem of a tree, so large + that there was just room to squeeze past it in order to enter. One + miserable square hole in the roof was the only visible suggestion of a + window. Turret or battlement, or projecting masonry of any kind, it had + none. Clear and smooth and massy, it rose from its base, and ended with a + line straight and unbroken. The roof, carried to a centre from each of the + four walls, rose slightly to the point where the rafters met. Round the + base lay several little heaps of either bits of broken branches, withered + and peeled, or half-whitened bones; I could not distinguish which. As I + approached, the ground sounded hollow beneath my horse’s hoofs. The knight + took a great key from his pocket, and reaching past the stem of the tree, + with some difficulty opened the door. “Dismount,” he commanded. I obeyed. + He turned my horse’s head away from the tower, gave him a terrible blow + with the flat side of his sword, and sent him madly tearing through the + forest. + </p> + <p> + “Now,” said he, “enter, and take your companion with you.” + </p> + <p> + I looked round: knight and horse had vanished, and behind me lay the + horrible shadow. I entered, for I could not help myself; and the shadow + followed me. I had a terrible conviction that the knight and he were one. + The door closed behind me. + </p> + <p> + Now I was indeed in pitiful plight. There was literally nothing in the + tower but my shadow and me. The walls rose right up to the roof; in which, + as I had seen from without, there was one little square opening. This I + now knew to be the only window the tower possessed. I sat down on the + floor, in listless wretchedness. I think I must have fallen asleep, and + have slept for hours; for I suddenly became aware of existence, in + observing that the moon was shining through the hole in the roof. As she + rose higher and higher, her light crept down the wall over me, till at + last it shone right upon my head. Instantaneously the walls of the tower + seemed to vanish away like a mist. I sat beneath a beech, on the edge of a + forest, and the open country lay, in the moonlight, for miles and miles + around me, spotted with glimmering houses and spires and towers. I thought + with myself, “Oh, joy! it was only a dream; the horrible narrow waste is + gone, and I wake beneath a beech-tree, perhaps one that loves me, and I + can go where I will.” I rose, as I thought, and walked about, and did what + I would, but ever kept near the tree; for always, and, of course, since my + meeting with the woman of the beech-tree far more than ever, I loved that + tree. So the night wore on. I waited for the sun to rise, before I could + venture to renew my journey. But as soon as the first faint light of the + dawn appeared, instead of shining upon me from the eye of the morning, it + stole like a fainting ghost through the little square hole above my head; + and the walls came out as the light grew, and the glorious night was + swallowed up of the hateful day. The long dreary day passed. My shadow lay + black on the floor. I felt no hunger, no need of food. The night came. The + moon shone. I watched her light slowly descending the wall, as I might + have watched, adown the sky, the long, swift approach of a helping angel. + Her rays touched me, and I was free. Thus night after night passed away. I + should have died but for this. Every night the conviction returned, that I + was free. Every morning I sat wretchedly disconsolate. At length, when the + course of the moon no longer permitted her beams to touch me, the night + was dreary as the day. + </p> + <p> + When I slept, I was somewhat consoled by my dreams; but all the time I + dreamed, I knew that I was only dreaming. But one night, at length, the + moon, a mere shred of pallor, scattered a few thin ghostly rays upon me; + and I think I fell asleep and dreamed. I sat in an autumn night before the + vintage, on a hill overlooking my own castle. My heart sprang with joy. + Oh, to be a child again, innocent, fearless, without shame or desire! I + walked down to the castle. All were in consternation at my absence. My + sisters were weeping for my loss. They sprang up and clung to me, with + incoherent cries, as I entered. My old friends came flocking round me. A + gray light shone on the roof of the hall. It was the light of the dawn + shining through the square window of my tower. More earnestly than ever, I + longed for freedom after this dream; more drearily than ever, crept on the + next wretched day. I measured by the sunbeams, caught through the little + window in the trap of my tower, how it went by, waiting only for the + dreams of the night. + </p> + <p> + About noon, I started as if something foreign to all my senses and all my + experience, had suddenly invaded me; yet it was only the voice of a woman + singing. My whole frame quivered with joy, surprise, and the sensation of + the unforeseen. Like a living soul, like an incarnation of Nature, the + song entered my prison-house. Each tone folded its wings, and laid itself, + like a caressing bird, upon my heart. It bathed me like a sea; inwrapt me + like an odorous vapour; entered my soul like a long draught of clear + spring-water; shone upon me like essential sunlight; soothed me like a + mother’s voice and hand. Yet, as the clearest forest-well tastes sometimes + of the bitterness of decayed leaves, so to my weary, prisoned heart, its + cheerfulness had a sting of cold, and its tenderness unmanned me with the + faintness of long-departed joys. I wept half-bitterly, half-luxuriously; + but not long. I dashed away the tears, ashamed of a weakness which I + thought I had abandoned. Ere I knew, I had walked to the door, and seated + myself with my ears against it, in order to catch every syllable of the + revelation from the unseen outer world. And now I heard each word + distinctly. The singer seemed to be standing or sitting near the tower, + for the sounds indicated no change of place. The song was something like + this: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + The sun, like a golden knot on high, + Gathers the glories of the sky, + And binds them into a shining tent, + Roofing the world with the firmament. + And through the pavilion the rich winds blow, + And through the pavilion the waters go. + And the birds for joy, and the trees for prayer, + Bowing their heads in the sunny air, + And for thoughts, the gently talking springs, + That come from the centre with secret things— + All make a music, gentle and strong, + Bound by the heart into one sweet song. + And amidst them all, the mother Earth + Sits with the children of her birth; + She tendeth them all, as a mother hen + Her little ones round her, twelve or ten: + Oft she sitteth, with hands on knee, + Idle with love for her family. + Go forth to her from the dark and the dust, + And weep beside her, if weep thou must; + If she may not hold thee to her breast, + Like a weary infant, that cries for rest + At least she will press thee to her knee, + And tell a low, sweet tale to thee, + Till the hue to thy cheeky and the light to thine eye, + Strength to thy limbs, and courage high + To thy fainting heart, return amain, + And away to work thou goest again. + From the narrow desert, O man of pride, + Come into the house, so high and wide. +</pre> + <p> + Hardly knowing what I did, I opened the door. Why had I not done so + before? I do not know. + </p> + <p> + At first I could see no one; but when I had forced myself past the tree + which grew across the entrance, I saw, seated on the ground, and leaning + against the tree, with her back to my prison, a beautiful woman. Her + countenance seemed known to me, and yet unknown. She looked at me and + smiled, when I made my appearance. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! were you the prisoner there? I am very glad I have wiled you out.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you know me then?” “Do you not know me? But you hurt me, and that, I + suppose, makes it easy for a man to forget. You broke my globe. Yet I + thank you. Perhaps I owe you many thanks for breaking it. I took the + pieces, all black, and wet with crying over them, to the Fairy Queen. + There was no music and no light in them now. But she took them from me, + and laid them aside; and made me go to sleep in a great hall of white, + with black pillars, and many red curtains. When I woke in the morning, I + went to her, hoping to have my globe again, whole and sound; but she sent + me away without it, and I have not seen it since. Nor do I care for it + now. I have something so much better. I do not need the globe to play to + me; for I can sing. I could not sing at all before. Now I go about + everywhere through Fairy Land, singing till my heart is like to break, + just like my globe, for very joy at my own songs. And wherever I go, my + songs do good, and deliver people. And now I have delivered you, and I am + so happy.” + </p> + <p> + She ceased, and the tears came into her eyes. + </p> + <p> + All this time, I had been gazing at her; and now fully recognised the face + of the child, glorified in the countenance of the woman. + </p> + <p> + I was ashamed and humbled before her; but a great weight was lifted from + my thoughts. I knelt before her, and thanked her, and begged her to + forgive me. + </p> + <p> + “Rise, rise,” she said; “I have nothing to forgive; I thank you. But now I + must be gone, for I do not know how many may be waiting for me, here and + there, through the dark forests; and they cannot come out till I come.” + </p> + <p> + She rose, and with a smile and a farewell, turned and left me. I dared not + ask her to stay; in fact, I could hardly speak to her. Between her and me, + there was a great gulf. She was uplifted, by sorrow and well-doing, into a + region I could hardly hope ever to enter. I watched her departure, as one + watches a sunset. She went like a radiance through the dark wood, which + was henceforth bright to me, from simply knowing that such a creature was + in it. + </p> + <p> + She was bearing the sun to the unsunned spots. The light and the music of + her broken globe were now in her heart and her brain. As she went, she + sang; and I caught these few words of her song; and the tones seemed to + linger and wind about the trees after she had disappeared: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Thou goest thine, and I go mine— + Many ways we wend; + Many days, and many ways, + Ending in one end. + + Many a wrong, and its curing song; + Many a road, and many an inn; + Room to roam, but only one home + For all the world to win. +</pre> +<p> + And so she vanished. With a sad heart, soothed by humility, and +the knowledge of her peace and gladness, I bethought me what now I +should do. First, I must leave the tower far behind me, lest, in some +evil moment, I might be once more caged within its horrible walls. But +it was ill walking in my heavy armour; and besides I had now no right +to the golden spurs and the resplendent mail, fitly dulled with long +neglect. I might do for a squire; but I honoured knighthood too highly, +to call myself any longer one of the noble brotherhood. I stripped off +all my armour, piled it under the tree, just where the lady had been +seated, and took my unknown way, eastward through the woods. Of all my +weapons, I carried only a short axe in my hand. +</p> + <p> + Then first I knew the delight of being lowly; of saying to myself, “I am + what I am, nothing more.” “I have failed,” I said, “I have lost myself—would + it had been my shadow.” I looked round: the shadow was nowhere to be seen. + Ere long, I learned that it was not myself, but only my shadow, that I had + lost. I learned that it is better, a thousand-fold, for a proud man to + fall and be humbled, than to hold up his head in his pride and fancied + innocence. I learned that he that will be a hero, will barely be a man; + that he that will be nothing but a doer of his work, is sure of his + manhood. In nothing was my ideal lowered, or dimmed, or grown less + precious; I only saw it too plainly, to set myself for a moment beside it. + Indeed, my ideal soon became my life; whereas, formerly, my life had + consisted in a vain attempt to behold, if not my ideal in myself, at least + myself in my ideal. Now, however, I took, at first, what perhaps was a + mistaken pleasure, in despising and degrading myself. Another self seemed + to arise, like a white spirit from a dead man, from the dumb and trampled + self of the past. Doubtless, this self must again die and be buried, and + again, from its tomb, spring a winged child; but of this my history as yet + bears not the record. + </p> + <p> + Self will come to life even in the slaying of self; but there is ever + something deeper and stronger than it, which will emerge at last from the + unknown abysses of the soul: will it be as a solemn gloom, burning with + eyes? or a clear morning after the rain? or a smiling child, that finds + itself nowhere, and everywhere? + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0023" id="link2HCH0023"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXIII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “High erected thought, seated in a heart of courtesy.” + SIR PHILIP SIDNEY. + + “A sweet attractive kinde of grace, + A full assurance given by lookes, + Continuall comfort in a face, + The lineaments of Gospel bookes.” + MATTHEW ROYDON, on Sir Philip Sidney. +</pre> + <p> + I had not gone far, for I had but just lost sight of the hated tower, when + a voice of another sort, sounding near or far, as the trees permitted or + intercepted its passage, reached me. It was a full, deep, manly voice, but + withal clear and melodious. Now it burst on the ear with a sudden swell, + and anon, dying away as suddenly, seemed to come to me across a great + space. Nevertheless, it drew nearer; till, at last, I could distinguish + the words of the song, and get transient glimpses of the singer, between + the columns of the trees. He came nearer, dawning upon me like a growing + thought. He was a knight, armed from head to heel, mounted upon a + strange-looking beast, whose form I could not understand. The words which + I heard him sing were like these: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Heart be stout, + And eye be true; + Good blade out! + And ill shall rue. + + Courage, horse! + Thou lackst no skill; + Well thy force + Hath matched my will. + + For the foe + With fiery breath, + At a blow, + Is still in death. + + Gently, horse! + Tread fearlessly; + ‘Tis his corse + That burdens thee. + + The sun’s eye + Is fierce at noon; + Thou and I + Will rest full soon. + + And new strength + New work will meet; + Till, at length, + Long rest is sweet. +</pre> + <p> + And now horse and rider had arrived near enough for me to see, fastened by + the long neck to the hinder part of the saddle, and trailing its hideous + length on the ground behind, the body of a great dragon. It was no wonder + that, with such a drag at his heels, the horse could make but slow + progress, notwithstanding his evident dismay. The horrid, serpent-like + head, with its black tongue, forked with red, hanging out of its jaws, + dangled against the horse’s side. Its neck was covered with long blue + hair, its sides with scales of green and gold. Its back was of corrugated + skin, of a purple hue. Its belly was similar in nature, but its colour was + leaden, dashed with blotches of livid blue. Its skinny, bat-like wings and + its tail were of a dull gray. It was strange to see how so many gorgeous + colours, so many curving lines, and such beautiful things as wings and + hair and scales, combined to form the horrible creature, intense in + ugliness. + </p> + <p> + The knight was passing me with a salutation; but, as I walked towards him, + he reined up, and I stood by his stirrup. When I came near him, I saw to + my surprise and pleasure likewise, although a sudden pain, like a birth of + fire, sprang up in my heart, that it was the knight of the soiled armour, + whom I knew before, and whom I had seen in the vision, with the lady of + the marble. But I could have thrown my arms around him, because she loved + him. This discovery only strengthened the resolution I had formed, before + I recognised him, of offering myself to the knight, to wait upon him as a + squire, for he seemed to be unattended. I made my request in as few words + as possible. He hesitated for a moment, and looked at me thoughtfully. I + saw that he suspected who I was, but that he continued uncertain of his + suspicion. No doubt he was soon convinced of its truth; but all the time I + was with him, not a word crossed his lips with reference to what he + evidently concluded I wished to leave unnoticed, if not to keep concealed. + </p> + <p> + “Squire and knight should be friends,” said he: “can you take me by the + hand?” And he held out the great gauntleted right hand. I grasped it + willingly and strongly. Not a word more was said. The knight gave the sign + to his horse, which again began his slow march, and I walked beside and a + little behind. + </p> + <p> + We had not gone very far before we arrived at a little cottage; from + which, as we drew near, a woman rushed out with the cry: + </p> + <p> + “My child! my child! have you found my child?” + </p> + <p> + “I have found her,” replied the knight, “but she is sorely hurt. I was + forced to leave her with the hermit, as I returned. You will find her + there, and I think she will get better. You see I have brought you a + present. This wretch will not hurt you again.” And he undid the creature’s + neck, and flung the frightful burden down by the cottage door. + </p> + <p> + The woman was now almost out of sight in the wood; but the husband stood + at the door, with speechless thanks in his face. + </p> + <p> + “You must bury the monster,” said the knight. “If I had arrived a moment + later, I should have been too late. But now you need not fear, for such a + creature as this very rarely appears, in the same part, twice during a + lifetime.” + </p> + <p> + “Will you not dismount and rest you, Sir Knight?” said the peasant, who + had, by this time, recovered himself a little. + </p> + <p> + “That I will, thankfully,” said he; and, dismounting, he gave the reins to + me, and told me to unbridle the horse, and lead him into the shade. “You + need not tie him up,” he added; “he will not run away.” + </p> + <p> + When I returned, after obeying his orders, and entered the cottage, I saw + the knight seated, without his helmet, and talking most familiarly with + the simple host. I stood at the open door for a moment, and, gazing at + him, inwardly justified the white lady in preferring him to me. A nobler + countenance I never saw. Loving-kindness beamed from every line of his + face. It seemed as if he would repay himself for the late arduous combat, + by indulging in all the gentleness of a womanly heart. But when the talk + ceased for a moment, he seemed to fall into a reverie. Then the exquisite + curves of the upper lip vanished. The lip was lengthened and compressed at + the same moment. You could have told that, within the lips, the teeth were + firmly closed. The whole face grew stern and determined, all but fierce; + only the eyes burned on like a holy sacrifice, uplift on a granite rock. + </p> + <p> + The woman entered, with her mangled child in her arms. She was pale as her + little burden. She gazed, with a wild love and despairing tenderness, on + the still, all but dead face, white and clear from loss of blood and + terror. + </p> + <p> + The knight rose. The light that had been confined to his eyes, now shone + from his whole countenance. He took the little thing in his arms, and, + with the mother’s help, undressed her, and looked to her wounds. The tears + flowed down his face as he did so. With tender hands he bound them up, + kissed the pale cheek, and gave her back to her mother. When he went home, + all his tale would be of the grief and joy of the parents; while to me, + who had looked on, the gracious countenance of the armed man, beaming from + the panoply of steel, over the seemingly dead child, while the powerful + hands turned it and shifted it, and bound it, if possible even more gently + than the mother’s, formed the centre of the story. + </p> + <p> + After we had partaken of the best they could give us, the knight took his + leave, with a few parting instructions to the mother as to how she should + treat the child. + </p> + <p> + I brought the knight his steed, held the stirrup while he mounted, and + then followed him through the wood. The horse, delighted to be free of his + hideous load, bounded beneath the weight of man and armour, and could + hardly be restrained from galloping on. But the knight made him time his + powers to mine, and so we went on for an hour or two. Then the knight + dismounted, and compelled me to get into the saddle, saying: “Knight and + squire must share the labour.” + </p> + <p> + Holding by the stirrup, he walked along by my side, heavily clad as he + was, with apparent ease. As we went, he led a conversation, in which I + took what humble part my sense of my condition would permit me. + </p> + <p> + “Somehow or other,” said he, “notwithstanding the beauty of this country + of Faerie, in which we are, there is much that is wrong in it. If there + are great splendours, there are corresponding horrors; heights and depths; + beautiful women and awful fiends; noble men and weaklings. All a man has + to do, is to better what he can. And if he will settle it with himself, + that even renown and success are in themselves of no great value, and be + content to be defeated, if so be that the fault is not his; and so go to + his work with a cool brain and a strong will, he will get it done; and + fare none the worse in the end, that he was not burdened with provision + and precaution.” + </p> + <p> + “But he will not always come off well,” I ventured to say. + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps not,” rejoined the knight, “in the individual act; but the result + of his lifetime will content him.” + </p> + <p> + “So it will fare with you, doubtless,” thought I; “but for me—-” + </p> + <p> + Venturing to resume the conversation after a pause, I said, hesitatingly: + </p> + <p> + “May I ask for what the little beggar-girl wanted your aid, when she came + to your castle to find you?” + </p> + <p> + He looked at me for a moment in silence, and then said— + </p> + <p> + “I cannot help wondering how you know of that; but there is something + about you quite strange enough to entitle you to the privilege of the + country; namely, to go unquestioned. I, however, being only a man, such as + you see me, am ready to tell you anything you like to ask me, as far as I + can. The little beggar-girl came into the hall where I was sitting, and + told me a very curious story, which I can only recollect very vaguely, it + was so peculiar. What I can recall is, that she was sent to gather wings. + As soon as she had gathered a pair of wings for herself, she was to fly + away, she said, to the country she came from; but where that was, she + could give no information. + </p> + <p> + “She said she had to beg her wings from the butterflies and moths; and + wherever she begged, no one refused her. But she needed a great many of + the wings of butterflies and moths to make a pair for her; and so she had + to wander about day after day, looking for butterflies, and night after + night, looking for moths; and then she begged for their wings. But the day + before, she had come into a part of the forest, she said, where there were + multitudes of splendid butterflies flitting about, with wings which were + just fit to make the eyes in the shoulders of hers; and she knew she could + have as many of them as she liked for the asking; but as soon as she began + to beg, there came a great creature right up to her, and threw her down, + and walked over her. When she got up, she saw the wood was full of these + beings stalking about, and seeming to have nothing to do with each other. + As soon as ever she began to beg, one of them walked over her; till at + last in dismay, and in growing horror of the senseless creatures, she had + run away to look for somebody to help her. I asked her what they were + like. She said, like great men, made of wood, without knee-or + elbow-joints, and without any noses or mouths or eyes in their faces. I + laughed at the little maiden, thinking she was making child’s game of me; + but, although she burst out laughing too, she persisted in asserting the + truth of her story.” + </p> + <p> + “‘Only come, knight, come and see; I will lead you.’ + </p> + <p> + “So I armed myself, to be ready for anything that might happen, and + followed the child; for, though I could make nothing of her story, I could + see she was a little human being in need of some help or other. As she + walked before me, I looked attentively at her. Whether or not it was from + being so often knocked down and walked over, I could not tell, but her + clothes were very much torn, and in several places her white skin was + peeping through. I thought she was hump-backed; but on looking more + closely, I saw, through the tatters of her frock—do not laugh at me—a + bunch on each shoulder, of the most gorgeous colours. Looking yet more + closely, I saw that they were of the shape of folded wings, and were made + of all kinds of butterfly-wings and moth-wings, crowded together like the + feathers on the individual butterfly pinion; but, like them, most + beautifully arranged, and producing a perfect harmony of colour and shade. + I could now more easily believe the rest of her story; especially as I + saw, every now and then, a certain heaving motion in the wings, as if they + longed to be uplifted and outspread. But beneath her scanty garments + complete wings could not be concealed, and indeed, from her own story, + they were yet unfinished. + </p> + <p> + “After walking for two or three hours (how the little girl found her way, + I could not imagine), we came to a part of the forest, the very air of + which was quivering with the motions of multitudes of resplendent + butterflies; as gorgeous in colour, as if the eyes of peacocks’ feathers + had taken to flight, but of infinite variety of hue and form, only that + the appearance of some kind of eye on each wing predominated. ‘There they + are, there they are!’ cried the child, in a tone of victory mingled with + terror. Except for this tone, I should have thought she referred to the + butterflies, for I could see nothing else. But at that moment an enormous + butterfly, whose wings had great eyes of blue surrounded by confused + cloudy heaps of more dingy colouring, just like a break in the clouds on a + stormy day towards evening, settled near us. The child instantly began + murmuring: ‘Butterfly, butterfly, give me your wings’; when, the moment + after, she fell to the ground, and began crying as if hurt. I drew my + sword and heaved a great blow in the direction in which the child had + fallen. It struck something, and instantly the most grotesque imitation of + a man became visible. You see this Fairy Land is full of oddities and all + sorts of incredibly ridiculous things, which a man is compelled to meet + and treat as real existences, although all the time he feels foolish for + doing so. This being, if being it could be called, was like a block of + wood roughly hewn into the mere outlines of a man; and hardly so, for it + had but head, body, legs, and arms—the head without a face, and the + limbs utterly formless. I had hewn off one of its legs, but the two + portions moved on as best they could, quite independent of each other; so + that I had done no good. I ran after it, and clove it in twain from the + head downwards; but it could not be convinced that its vocation was not to + walk over people; for, as soon as the little girl began her begging again, + all three parts came bustling up; and if I had not interposed my weight + between her and them, she would have been trampled again under them. I saw + that something else must be done. If the wood was full of the creatures, + it would be an endless work to chop them so small that they could do no + injury; and then, besides, the parts would be so numerous, that the + butterflies would be in danger from the drift of flying chips. I served + this one so, however; and then told the girl to beg again, and point out + the direction in which one was coming. I was glad to find, however, that I + could now see him myself, and wondered how they could have been invisible + before. I would not allow him to walk over the child; but while I kept him + off, and she began begging again, another appeared; and it was all I could + do, from the weight of my armour, to protect her from the stupid, + persevering efforts of the two. But suddenly the right plan occurred to + me. I tripped one of them up, and, taking him by the legs, set him up on + his head, with his heels against a tree. I was delighted to find he could + not move. Meantime the poor child was walked over by the other, but it was + for the last time. Whenever one appeared, I followed the same plan—tripped + him up and set him on his head; and so the little beggar was able to + gather her wings without any trouble, which occupation she continued for + several hours in my company.” + </p> + <p> + “What became of her?” I asked. + </p> + <p> + “I took her home with me to my castle, and she told me all her story; but + it seemed to me, all the time, as if I were hearing a child talk in its + sleep. I could not arrange her story in my mind at all, although it seemed + to leave hers in some certain order of its own. My wife—-” + </p> + <p> + Here the knight checked himself, and said no more. Neither did I urge the + conversation farther. + </p> + <p> + Thus we journeyed for several days, resting at night in such shelter as we + could get; and when no better was to be had, lying in the forest under + some tree, on a couch of old leaves. + </p> + <p> + I loved the knight more and more. I believe never squire served his master + with more care and joyfulness than I. I tended his horse; I cleaned his + armour; my skill in the craft enabled me to repair it when necessary; I + watched his needs; and was well repaid for all by the love itself which I + bore him. + </p> + <p> + “This,” I said to myself, “is a true man. I will serve him, and give him + all worship, seeing in him the imbodiment of what I would fain become. If + I cannot be noble myself, I will yet be servant to his nobleness.” He, in + return, soon showed me such signs of friendship and respect, as made my + heart glad; and I felt that, after all, mine would be no lost life, if I + might wait on him to the world’s end, although no smile but his should + greet me, and no one but him should say, “Well done! he was a good + servant!” at last. But I burned to do something more for him than the + ordinary routine of a squire’s duty permitted. + </p> + <p> + One afternoon, we began to observe an appearance of roads in the wood. + Branches had been cut down, and openings made, where footsteps had worn no + path below. These indications increased as we passed on, till, at length, + we came into a long, narrow avenue, formed by felling the trees in its + line, as the remaining roots evidenced. At some little distance, on both + hands, we observed signs of similar avenues, which appeared to converge + with ours, towards one spot. Along these we indistinctly saw several forms + moving, which seemed, with ourselves, to approach the common centre. Our + path brought us, at last, up to a wall of yew-trees, growing close + together, and intertwining their branches so, that nothing could be seen + beyond it. An opening was cut in it like a door, and all the wall was + trimmed smooth and perpendicular. The knight dismounted, and waited till I + had provided for his horse’s comfort; upon which we entered the place + together. + </p> + <p> + It was a great space, bare of trees, and enclosed by four walls of yew, + similar to that through which we had entered. These trees grew to a very + great height, and did not divide from each other till close to the top, + where their summits formed a row of conical battlements all around the + walls. The space contained was a parallelogram of great length. Along each + of the two longer sides of the interior, were ranged three ranks of men, + in white robes, standing silent and solemn, each with a sword by his side, + although the rest of his costume and bearing was more priestly than + soldierly. For some distance inwards, the space between these opposite + rows was filled with a company of men and women and children, in holiday + attire. The looks of all were directed inwards, towards the further end. + Far beyond the crowd, in a long avenue, seeming to narrow in the distance, + went the long rows of the white-robed men. On what the attention of the + multitude was fixed, we could not tell, for the sun had set before we + arrived, and it was growing dark within. It grew darker and darker. The + multitude waited in silence. The stars began to shine down into the + enclosure, and they grew brighter and larger every moment. A wind arose, + and swayed the pinnacles of the tree-tops; and made a strange sound, half + like music, half like moaning, through the close branches and leaves of + the tree-walls. A young girl who stood beside me, clothed in the same + dress as the priests, bowed her head, and grew pale with awe. + </p> + <p> + The knight whispered to me, “How solemn it is! Surely they wait to hear + the voice of a prophet. There is something good near!” + </p> + <p> + But I, though somewhat shaken by the feeling expressed by my master, yet + had an unaccountable conviction that here was something bad. So I resolved + to be keenly on the watch for what should follow. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly a great star, like a sun, appeared high in the air over the + temple, illuminating it throughout; and a great song arose from the men in + white, which went rolling round and round the building, now receding to + the end, and now approaching, down the other side, the place where we + stood. For some of the singers were regularly ceasing, and the next to + them as regularly taking up the song, so that it crept onwards with + gradations produced by changes which could not themselves be detected, for + only a few of those who were singing ceased at the same moment. The song + paused; and I saw a company of six of the white-robed men walk up the + centre of the human avenue, surrounding a youth gorgeously attired beneath + his robe of white, and wearing a chaplet of flowers on his head. I + followed them closely, with my keenest observation; and, by accompanying + their slow progress with my eyes, I was able to perceive more clearly what + took place when they arrived at the other end. I knew that my sight was so + much more keen than that of most people, that I had good reason to suppose + I should see more than the rest could, at such a distance. At the farther + end a throne stood upon a platform, high above the heads of the + surrounding priests. To this platform I saw the company begin to ascend, + apparently by an inclined plane or gentle slope. The throne itself was + elevated again, on a kind of square pedestal, to the top of which led a + flight of steps. On the throne sat a majestic-looking figure, whose + posture seemed to indicate a mixture of pride and benignity, as he looked + down on the multitude below. The company ascended to the foot of the + throne, where they all kneeled for some minutes; then they rose and passed + round to the side of the pedestal upon which the throne stood. Here they + crowded close behind the youth, putting him in the foremost place, and one + of them opened a door in the pedestal, for the youth to enter. I was sure + I saw him shrink back, and those crowding behind pushed him in. Then, + again, arose a burst of song from the multitude in white, which lasted + some time. When it ceased, a new company of seven commenced its march up + the centre. As they advanced, I looked up at my master: his noble + countenance was full of reverence and awe. Incapable of evil himself, he + could scarcely suspect it in another, much less in a multitude such as + this, and surrounded with such appearances of solemnity. I was certain it + was the really grand accompaniments that overcame him; that the stars + overhead, the dark towering tops of the yew-trees, and the wind that, like + an unseen spirit, sighed through their branches, bowed his spirit to the + belief, that in all these ceremonies lay some great mystical meaning + which, his humility told him, his ignorance prevented him from + understanding. + </p> + <p> + More convinced than before, that there was evil here, I could not endure + that my master should be deceived; that one like him, so pure and noble, + should respect what, if my suspicions were true, was worse than the + ordinary deceptions of priestcraft. I could not tell how far he might be + led to countenance, and otherwise support their doings, before he should + find cause to repent bitterly of his error. I watched the new procession + yet more keenly, if possible, than the former. This time, the central + figure was a girl; and, at the close, I observed, yet more indubitably, + the shrinking back, and the crowding push. What happened to the victims, I + never learned; but I had learned enough, and I could bear it no longer. I + stooped, and whispered to the young girl who stood by me, to lend me her + white garment. I wanted it, that I might not be entirely out of keeping + with the solemnity, but might have at least this help to passing + unquestioned. She looked up, half-amused and half-bewildered, as if + doubting whether I was in earnest or not. But in her perplexity, she + permitted me to unfasten it, and slip it down from her shoulders. + </p> + <p> + I easily got possession of it; and, sinking down on my knees in the crowd, + I rose apparently in the habit of one of the worshippers. + </p> + <p> + Giving my battle-axe to the girl, to hold in pledge for the return of her + stole, for I wished to test the matter unarmed, and, if it was a man that + sat upon the throne, to attack him with hands bare, as I supposed his must + be, I made my way through the crowd to the front, while the singing yet + continued, desirous of reaching the platform while it was unoccupied by + any of the priests. I was permitted to walk up the long avenue of white + robes unmolested, though I saw questioning looks in many of the faces as I + passed. I presume my coolness aided my passage; for I felt quite + indifferent as to my own fate; not feeling, after the late events of my + history, that I was at all worth taking care of; and enjoying, perhaps, + something of an evil satisfaction, in the revenge I was thus taking upon + the self which had fooled me so long. When I arrived on the platform, the + song had just ceased, and I felt as if all were looking towards me. But + instead of kneeling at its foot, I walked right up the stairs to the + throne, laid hold of a great wooden image that seemed to sit upon it, and + tried to hurl it from its seat. In this I failed at first, for I found it + firmly fixed. But in dread lest, the first shock of amazement passing + away, the guards would rush upon me before I had effected my purpose, I + strained with all my might; and, with a noise as of the cracking, and + breaking, and tearing of rotten wood, something gave way, and I hurled the + image down the steps. Its displacement revealed a great hole in the + throne, like the hollow of a decayed tree, going down apparently a great + way. But I had no time to examine it, for, as I looked into it, up out of + it rushed a great brute, like a wolf, but twice the size, and tumbled me + headlong with itself, down the steps of the throne. As we fell, however, I + caught it by the throat, and the moment we reached the platform, a + struggle commenced, in which I soon got uppermost, with my hand upon its + throat, and knee upon its heart. But now arose a wild cry of wrath and + revenge and rescue. A universal hiss of steel, as every sword was swept + from its scabbard, seemed to tear the very air in shreds. I heard the rush + of hundreds towards the platform on which I knelt. I only tightened my + grasp of the brute’s throat. His eyes were already starting from his head, + and his tongue was hanging out. My anxious hope was, that, even after they + had killed me, they would be unable to undo my gripe of his throat, before + the monster was past breathing. I therefore threw all my will, and force, + and purpose, into the grasping hand. I remember no blow. A faintness came + over me, and my consciousness departed. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0024" id="link2HCH0024"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXIV + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “We are ne’er like angels till our passions die.” + DEKKER. + + “This wretched <i>Inn</i>, where we scarce stay to bait, + We call our <i>Dwelling-Place</i>: + We call one <i>Step a Race</i>: + But angels in their full enlightened state, + Angels, who <i>Live</i>, and know what ‘tis to <i>Be</i>, + Who all the nonsense of our language see, + Who speak <i>things</i>, and our <i>words</i>, their ill-drawn + <i>pictures</i>, scorn, + When we, by a foolish figure, say, + <i>Behold an old man dead!</i> then they + Speak properly, and cry, <i>Behold a man-child born!</i>” + COWLEY. +</pre> + <p> + I was dead, and right content. I lay in my coffin, with my hands folded in + peace. The knight, and the lady I loved, wept over me. + </p> + <p> + Her tears fell on my face. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the knight, “I rushed amongst them like a madman. I hewed them + down like brushwood. Their swords battered on me like hail, but hurt me + not. I cut a lane through to my friend. He was dead. But he had throttled + the monster, and I had to cut the handful out of its throat, before I + could disengage and carry off his body. They dared not molest me as I + brought him back.” + </p> + <p> + “He has died well,” said the lady. + </p> + <p> + My spirit rejoiced. They left me to my repose. I felt as if a cool hand + had been laid upon my heart, and had stilled it. My soul was like a summer + evening, after a heavy fall of rain, when the drops are yet glistening on + the trees in the last rays of the down-going sun, and the wind of the + twilight has begun to blow. The hot fever of life had gone by, and I + breathed the clear mountain-air of the land of Death. I had never dreamed + of such blessedness. It was not that I had in any way ceased to be what I + had been. The very fact that anything can die, implies the existence of + something that cannot die; which must either take to itself another form, + as when the seed that is sown dies, and arises again; or, in conscious + existence, may, perhaps, continue to lead a purely spiritual life. If my + passions were dead, the souls of the passions, those essential mysteries + of the spirit which had imbodied themselves in the passions, and had given + to them all their glory and wonderment, yet lived, yet glowed, with a + pure, undying fire. They rose above their vanishing earthly garments, and + disclosed themselves angels of light. But oh, how beautiful beyond the old + form! I lay thus for a time, and lived as it were an unradiating + existence; my soul a motionless lake, that received all things and gave + nothing back; satisfied in still contemplation, and spiritual + consciousness. + </p> + <p> + Ere long, they bore me to my grave. Never tired child lay down in his + white bed, and heard the sound of his playthings being laid aside for the + night, with a more luxurious satisfaction of repose than I knew, when I + felt the coffin settle on the firm earth, and heard the sound of the + falling mould upon its lid. It has not the same hollow rattle within the + coffin, that it sends up to the edge of the grave. They buried me in no + graveyard. They loved me too much for that, I thank them; but they laid me + in the grounds of their own castle, amid many trees; where, as it was + spring-time, were growing primroses, and blue-bells, and all the families + of the woods + </p> + <p> + Now that I lay in her bosom, the whole earth, and each of her many births, + was as a body to me, at my will. I seemed to feel the great heart of the + mother beating into mine, and feeding me with her own life, her own + essential being and nature. I heard the footsteps of my friends above, and + they sent a thrill through my heart. I knew that the helpers had gone, and + that the knight and the lady remained, and spoke low, gentle, tearful + words of him who lay beneath the yet wounded sod. I rose into a single + large primrose that grew by the edge of the grave, and from the window of + its humble, trusting face, looked full in the countenance of the lady. I + felt that I could manifest myself in the primrose; that it said a part of + what I wanted to say; just as in the old time, I had used to betake myself + to a song for the same end. The flower caught her eye. She stooped and + plucked it, saying, “Oh, you beautiful creature!” and, lightly kissing it, + put it in her bosom. It was the first kiss she had ever given me. But the + flower soon began to wither, and I forsook it. + </p> + <p> + It was evening. The sun was below the horizon; but his rosy beams yet + illuminated a feathery cloud, that floated high above the world. I arose, + I reached the cloud; and, throwing myself upon it, floated with it in + sight of the sinking sun. He sank, and the cloud grew gray; but the + grayness touched not my heart. It carried its rose-hue within; for now I + could love without needing to be loved again. The moon came gliding up + with all the past in her wan face. She changed my couch into a ghostly + pallor, and threw all the earth below as to the bottom of a pale sea of + dreams. But she could not make me sad. I knew now, that it is by loving, + and not by being loved, that one can come nearest the soul of another; + yea, that, where two love, it is the loving of each other, and not the + being loved by each other, that originates and perfects and assures their + blessedness. I knew that love gives to him that loveth, power over any + soul beloved, even if that soul know him not, bringing him inwardly close + to that spirit; a power that cannot be but for good; for in proportion as + selfishness intrudes, the love ceases, and the power which springs + therefrom dies. Yet all love will, one day, meet with its return. All true + love will, one day, behold its own image in the eyes of the beloved, and + be humbly glad. This is possible in the realms of lofty Death. “Ah! my + friends,” thought I, “how I will tend you, and wait upon you, and haunt + you with my love.” + </p> + <p> + “My floating chariot bore me over a great city. Its faint dull sound + steamed up into the air—a sound—how composed?” How many + hopeless cries,” thought I, “and how many mad shouts go to make up the + tumult, here so faint where I float in eternal peace, knowing that they + will one day be stilled in the surrounding calm, and that despair dies + into infinite hope, and the seeming impossible there, is the law here! + </p> + <p> + “But, O pale-faced women, and gloomy-browed men, and forgotten children, + how I will wait on you, and minister to you, and, putting my arms about + you in the dark, think hope into your hearts, when you fancy no one is + near! Soon as my senses have all come back, and have grown accustomed to + this new blessed life, I will be among you with the love that healeth.” + </p> + <p> + With this, a pang and a terrible shudder went through me; a writhing as of + death convulsed me; and I became once again conscious of a more limited, + even a bodily and earthly life. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0025" id="link2HCH0025"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XXV + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Our life is no dream; but it ought to become one, + and perhaps will.”—NOVALIS. + + “And on the ground, which is my modres gate, + I knocke with my staf; erlich and late, + And say to hire, Leve mother, let me in.” + CHAUCER, <i>The Pardoneres Tale</i>. +</pre> + <p> + Sinking from such a state of ideal bliss, into the world of shadows which + again closed around and infolded me, my first dread was, not unnaturally, + that my own shadow had found me again, and that my torture had commenced + anew. It was a sad revulsion of feeling. This, indeed, seemed to + correspond to what we think death is, before we die. Yet I felt within me + a power of calm endurance to which I had hitherto been a stranger. For, in + truth, that I should be able if only to think such things as I had been + thinking, was an unspeakable delight. An hour of such peace made the + turmoil of a lifetime worth striving through. + </p> + <p> + I found myself lying in the open air, in the early morning, before + sunrise. Over me rose the summer heaven, expectant of the sun. The clouds + already saw him, coming from afar; and soon every dewdrop would rejoice in + his individual presence within it. + </p> + <p> + I lay motionless for a few minutes; and then slowly rose and looked about + me. I was on the summit of a little hill; a valley lay beneath, and a + range of mountains closed up the view upon that side. But, to my horror, + across the valley, and up the height of the opposing mountains, stretched, + from my very feet, a hugely expanding shade. There it lay, long and large, + dark and mighty. I turned away with a sick despair; when lo! I beheld the + sun just lifting his head above the eastern hill, and the shadow that fell + from me, lay only where his beams fell not. I danced for joy. It was only + the natural shadow, that goes with every man who walks in the sun. As he + arose, higher and higher, the shadow-head sank down the side of the + opposite hill, and crept in across the valley towards my feet. + </p> + <p> + Now that I was so joyously delivered from this fear, I saw and recognised + the country around me. In the valley below, lay my own castle, and the + haunts of my childhood were all about me hastened home. My sisters + received me with unspeakable joy; but I suppose they observed some change + in me, for a kind of respect, with a slight touch of awe in it, mingled + with their joy, and made me ashamed. They had been in great distress about + me. On the morning of my disappearance, they had found the floor of my + room flooded; and, all that day, a wondrous and nearly impervious mist had + hung about the castle and grounds. I had been gone, they told me, + twenty-one days. To me it seemed twenty-one years. Nor could I yet feel + quite secure in my new experiences. When, at night, I lay down once more + in my own bed, I did not feel at all sure that when I awoke, I should not + find myself in some mysterious region of Fairy Land. My dreams were + incessant and perturbed; but when I did awake, I saw clearly that I was in + my own home. + </p> + <p> + My mind soon grew calm; and I began the duties of my new position, + somewhat instructed, I hoped, by the adventures that had befallen me in + Fairy Land. Could I translate the experience of my travels there, into + common life? This was the question. Or must I live it all over again, and + learn it all over again, in the other forms that belong to the world of + men, whose experience yet runs parallel to that of Fairy Land? These + questions I cannot answer yet. But I fear. + </p> + <p> + Even yet, I find myself looking round sometimes with anxiety, to see + whether my shadow falls right away from the sun or no. I have never yet + discovered any inclination to either side. And if I am not unfrequently + sad, I yet cast no more of a shade on the earth, than most men who have + lived in it as long as I. I have a strange feeling sometimes, that I am a + ghost, sent into the world to minister to my fellow men, or, rather, to + repair the wrongs I have already done. + </p> + <p> + May the world be brighter for me, at least in those portions of it, where + my darkness falls not. + </p> + <p> + Thus I, who set out to find my Ideal, came back rejoicing that I had lost + my Shadow. + </p> + <p> + When the thought of the blessedness I experienced, after my death in Fairy + Land, is too high for me to lay hold upon it and hope in it, I often think + of the wise woman in the cottage, and of her solemn assurance that she + knew something too good to be told. When I am oppressed by any sorrow or + real perplexity, I often feel as if I had only left her cottage for a + time, and would soon return out of the vision, into it again. Sometimes, + on such occasions, I find myself, unconsciously almost, looking about for + the mystic mark of red, with the vague hope of entering her door, and + being comforted by her wise tenderness. I then console myself by saying: + “I have come through the door of Dismay; and the way back from the world + into which that has led me, is through my tomb. Upon that the red sign + lies, and I shall find it one day, and be glad.” + </p> + <p> + I will end my story with the relation of an incident which befell me a few + days ago. I had been with my reapers, and, when they ceased their work at + noon, I had lain down under the shadow of a great, ancient beech-tree, + that stood on the edge of the field. As I lay, with my eyes closed, I + began to listen to the sound of the leaves overhead. At first, they made + sweet inarticulate music alone; but, by-and-by, the sound seemed to begin + to take shape, and to be gradually moulding itself into words; till, at + last, I seemed able to distinguish these, half-dissolved in a little ocean + of circumfluent tones: “A great good is coming—is coming—is + coming to thee, Anodos;” and so over and over again. I fancied that the + sound reminded me of the voice of the ancient woman, in the cottage that + was four-square. I opened my eyes, and, for a moment, almost believed that + I saw her face, with its many wrinkles and its young eyes, looking at me + from between two hoary branches of the beech overhead. But when I looked + more keenly, I saw only twigs and leaves, and the infinite sky, in tiny + spots, gazing through between. Yet I know that good is coming to me—that + good is always coming; though few have at all times the simplicity and the + courage to believe it. What we call evil, is the only and best shape, + which, for the person and his condition at the time, could be assumed by + the best good. And so, <i>Farewell</i>. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Phantastes, by George MacDonald + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PHANTASTES *** + +***** This file should be named 325-h.htm or 325-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/2/325/ + +Produced by Mike Lough, and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Illustrations of the hardcopy intermingle +with the text often, and so their markings are "rudely" placed +mid-sentence in this etext as well within {} marks. my use of ?? +marks are spots that need to be checked with another printing or +edition as something *seems* missing but i cannot say what.... +The poetry may have errors, particularly end of line punctuation. + +Illustration captions removed from text but list at +front is still there because of references to them in the +preface. + + +Scanned with OmniPage Professional OCR software +donated by Caere Corporation, 1-800-535-7226. +Contact Mike Lough <Mikel@caere.com> + + + +PHANTASTES +A FAERIE ROMANCE FOR MEN AND WOMEN + +BY +GEORGE MACDONALD + +A new Edition, with thirty-three new Illustrations by Arthur +Hughes; edited by Greville MacDonald + +"In good sooth, my masters, this is no door. + Yet is it a little window, that looketh upon a great world." + + +PREFACE + +For offering this new edition of my father's Phantastes, my +reasons are three. The first is to rescue the work from an +edition illustrated without the author's sanction, and so +unsuitably that all lovers of the book must have experienced some +real grief in turning its pages. With the copyright I secured +also the whole of that edition and turned it into pulp. + My second reason is to pay a small tribute to my father by +way of personal gratitude for this, his first prose work, which +was published nearly fifty years ago. Though unknown to many +lovers of his greater writings, none of these has exceeded it in +imaginative insight and power of expression. To me it rings with +the dominant chord of his life's purpose and work. + My third reason is that wider knowledge and love of the book +should be made possible. To this end I have been most happy in +the help of my father's old friend, who has illustrated the +book. I know of no other living artist who is capable of +portraying the spirit of Phantastes; and every reader of this +edition will, I believe, feel that the illustrations are a part +of the romance, and will gain through them some perception of the +brotherhood between George MacDonald and Arthur Hughes. + +GREVILLE MACDONALD. +September 1905. + + + +LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS + +THE MEETING OF SIR GALAHAD AND SIX PERCIVALE +SUDDENLY THERE STOOD ON THE THRESHOLD A TINY WOMAN-FORM +THE BRANCHES AND LEAVES ON THE CURTAINS OF MY BED WERE IN MOTION +I SAW A COUNTRY MAIDEN COMING TOWARDS ME +TAILPIECE TO CHAPTER III +HEADPIECE TO CHAPTER IV +TWO LARGE SOFT ARMS WERE THROWN AROUND ME FROM BEHIND +I GAZED AFTER HER IN A KIND OF DESPAIR +I FOUND MYSELF IN A LITTLE CAVE +THE ASH SHUDDERED AND GROANED +TAILPIECE TO CHAPTER VI +I COULD HARDLY BELIEVE THAT THERE WAS A FAIRY LAND +I DID NOT BELIEVE IN FAIRY LAND +A RUNNER WITH GHOSTLY FEET +THE MAIDEN CAME ALONG, SINGING AND DANCING,HAPPY AS A CHILD +THE GOBLINS PERFORMED THE MOST ANTIC HOMAGE +THE FAIRY PALACE IN THE MOONLIGHT +TOO DAZZLING FOR EARTHLY EYES +IN THE WOODS AND ALONG THE RIVER BANKS DO THE MAIDENS GO LOOKING + FOR CHILDREN +SHE LAY WITH CLOSED EYES, WHENCE TWO TEARS WERE FAST WELLING +HEADPIECE TO CHAPTER XIV +I SPRANG TO HER, AND LAID MY HAND ON THE HARP +A WHITE FIGURE GLEAMED PAST ME, WRINGING HER HANDS +THEY ALL RUSHED UPON ME, AND HELD ME TIGHT +A WINTRY SEA, BARE, AND WASTE, AND GRAY +SHOW ME THE CHILD THOU CALLEST MINE +THE TIME PASSED AWAY IN WORK AND SONG +HEADPIECE TO CHAPTER XXI +WE REACHED THE PALACE OF THE KING +I SAW, LEANING AGAINST THE TREE, A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN +FASTENED TO THE SADDLE, WAS THE BODY OF A GREAT DRAGON +I WAS DEAD, AND RIGHT CONTENT +A VALLEY LAY BENEATH ME + + +PHANTASTES +A FAERIE ROMANCE + + + "Phantastes from `their fount all shapes deriving, + In new habiliments can quickly dight." + FLETCHER'S Purple Island + + +{Below is raw OCR it has not been proofed as i cannot read it!} + "Es lassen sich Erzahlungen ohne Zusammenhang, jedoch mit +Association, wie Traume dengkeennohgneedizhusamdimenhang; jedoeh +mit und voll schoner Worte sind, aber auch ohne allen Sinn und +Zusammenhang, hochstens einzelne Strophen verstandlich, wie +Bruchstucke aus den verjschledenartigsten Dingen, Diese svahre +Poesie kann Wlrkung, wie Musik haben. Darum ist die Natur so +rein poetisch wle die Stube eines Zauberers, eines Physikers, +eine Kinderstube elne Polterund Vorrathskammer + +"Ein Mahrchen ist wie ein Traumbild ohne Zusammenhang. Ein +Ensemble wunderbarer Dinge und Begebenheiten, z. B. eine +dMusNkalische Pbantasie, die harmonischen Folgen einer +Aeolsharfe, die Natur slebst. + . . . . . . . . . . + + +"In einem echten Mahrchen muss ailes wunderbar, geheimnissvoll +undzusammenhangendsein; alles belebt, jeder auf eineandereArt Die +ganze Natur muss wunderlich mit der ganzen Geisterwelt gemiseht +sein; hier tritt die Zeit der Anarehie, der Gesetzlosigkeit +Frelheit, der Naturstand der Natur, die Zeit von der Welt ein +entgegengesetztes und eben daruel'ndiehr Weld der Wahrheit +durehaus Chaos der vollendeten Sehopfung ahnlich ist."--NOVALIS. + +~~~ + + + + + +CHAPTER 1 + "A spirit . . . + . . . . . . + The undulating and silent well, + And rippling rivulet, and evening gloom, + Now deepening the dark shades, for speech assuming, + Held commune with him; as if he and it + Were all that was." + SHELLEY'S Alastor. + + +I awoke one morning with the usual perplexity of mind which +accompanies the return of consciousness. As I lay and looked +through the eastern window of my room, a faint streak of peach- +colour, dividing a cloud that just rose above the low swell of +the horizon, announced the approach of the sun. As my thoughts, +which a deep and apparently dreamless sleep had dissolved, began +again to assume crystalline forms, the strange events of the +foregoing night presented themselves anew to my wondering +consciousness. The day before had been my one-and-twentieth +birthday. Among other ceremonies investing me with my legal +rights, the keys of an old secretary, in which my father had kept +his private papers, had been delivered up to me. As soon as I +was left alone, I ordered lights in the chamber where the +secretary stood, the first lights that had been there for many a +year; for, since my father's death, the room had been left +undisturbed. But, as if the darkness had been too long an inmate +to be easily expelled, and had dyed with blackness the walls to +which, bat-like, it had clung, these tapers served but ill to +light up the gloomy hangings, and seemed to throw yet darker +shadows into the hollows of the deep-wrought cornice. All the +further portions of the room lay shrouded in a mystery whose +deepest folds were gathered around the dark oak cabinet which I +now approached with a strange mingling of reverence and +curiosity. Perhaps, like a geologist, I was about to turn up to +the light some of the buried strata of the human world, with its +fossil remains charred by passion and petrified by tears. +Perhaps I was to learn how my father, whose personal history was +unknown to me, had woven his web of story; how he had found the +world, and how the world had left him. Perhaps I was to find +only the records of lands and moneys, how gotten and how secured; +coming down from strange men, and through troublous times, to me, +who knew little or nothing of them all. To solve my +speculations, and to dispel the awe which was fast gathering +around me as if the dead were drawing near, I approached the +secretary; and having found the key that fitted the upper +portion, I opened it with some difficulty, drew near it a heavy +high-backed chair, and sat down before a multitude of little +drawers and slides and pigeon-holes. But the door of a little +cupboard in the centre especially attracted my interest, as if +there lay the secret of this long-hidden world. Its key I found. + +One of the rusty hinges cracked and broke as I opened the door: +it revealed a number of small pigeon-holes. These, however, +being but shallow compared with the depth of those around the +little cupboard, the outer ones reaching to the back of the desk, +I concluded that there must be some accessible space behind; and +found, indeed, that they were formed in a separate framework, +which admitted of the whole being pulled out in one piece. +Behind, I found a sort of flexible portcullis of small bars of +wood laid close together horizontally. After long search, and +trying many ways to move it, I discovered at last a scarcely +projecting point of steel on one side. I pressed this repeatedly +and hard with the point of an old tool that was lying near, till +at length it yielded inwards; and the little slide, flying up +suddenly, disclosed a chamber--empty, except that in one corner +lay a little heap of withered rose-leaves, whose long- lived +scent had long since departed; and, in another, a small packet of +papers, tied with a bit of ribbon, whose colour had gone with the +rose-scent. Almost fearing to touch them, they witnessed so +mutely to the law of oblivion, I leaned back in my chair, and +regarded them for a moment; when suddenly there stood on the +threshold of the little chamber, as though she had just emerged +from its depth, a tiny woman-form, as perfect in shape as if she +had been a small Greek statuette roused to life and motion. Her +dress was of a kind that could never grow old- fashioned, because +it was simply natural: a robe plaited in a band around the neck, +and confined by a belt about the waist, descended to her feet. +It was only afterwards, however, that I took notice of her dress, +although my surprise was by no means of so overpowering a degree +as such an apparition might naturally be expected to excite. +Seeing, however, as I suppose, some astonishment in my +countenance, she came forward within a yard of me, and said, in a +voice that strangely recalled a sensation of twilight, and reedy +river banks, and a low wind, even in this deathly room:-- + +"Anodos, you never saw such a little creature before, did you?" + +"No," said I; "and indeed I hardly believe I do now." + +"Ah! that is always the way with you men; you believe nothing the +first time; and it is foolish enough to let mere repetition +convince you of what you consider in itself unbelievable. I am +not going to argue with you, however, but to grant you a wish." + + Here I could not help interrupting her with the foolish speech, +of which, however, I had no cause to repent-- + +"How can such a very little creature as you grant or +refuse anything?" + +"Is that all the philosophy you have gained in one-and-twenty +years?" said she. "Form is much, but size is nothing. It is a +mere matter of relation. I suppose your six-foot lordship does +not feel altogether insignificant, though to others you do look +small beside your old Uncle Ralph, who rises above you a great +half-foot at least. But size is of so little consequence with +old me, that I may as well accommodate myself to your foolish +prejudices." + +So saying, she leapt from the desk upon the floor, where she +stood a tall, gracious lady, with pale face and large blue eyes. +Her dark hair flowed behind, wavy but uncurled, down to her +waist, and against it her form stood clear in its robe of white. + +"Now," said she, "you will believe me." + +Overcome with the presence of a beauty which I could now +perceive, and drawn towards her by an attraction irresistible as +incomprehensible, I suppose I stretched out my arms towards her, +for she drew back a step or two, and said-- + +"Foolish boy, if you could touch me, I should hurt you. Besides, +I was two hundred and thirty-seven years old, last Midsummer eve; +and a man must not fall in love with his grandmother, you know." + +"But you are not my grandmother," said I. + +"How do you know that?" she retorted. "I dare say you know +something of your great-grandfathers a good deal further back +than that; but you know very little about your great-grandmothers +on either side. Now, to the point. Your little sister was +reading a fairy-tale to you last night." + +"She was." + +"When she had finished, she said, as she closed the book, `Is +there a fairy-country, brother?' You replied with a sigh, `I +suppose there is, if one could find the way into it.'" + +"I did; but I meant something quite different from what you seem +to think." + +"Never mind what I seem to think. You shall find the way into +Fairy Land to-morrow. Now look in my eyes." + +Eagerly I did so. They filled me with an unknown longing. I +remembered somehow that my mother died when I was a baby. I +looked deeper and deeper, till they spread around me like seas, +and I sank in their waters. I forgot all the rest, till I found +myself at the window, whose gloomy curtains were withdrawn, and +where I stood gazing on a whole heaven of stars, small and +sparkling in the moonlight. Below lay a sea, still as death and +hoary in the moon, sweeping into bays and around capes and +islands, away, away, I knew not whither. Alas! it was no sea, +but a low bog burnished by the moon. "Surely there is such a sea +somewhere!" said I to myself. A low sweet voice beside me +replied-- + +"In Fairy Land, Anodos." + +I turned, but saw no one. I closed the secretary, and went to my +own room, and to bed. + +All this I recalled as I lay with half-closed eyes. I was soon +to find the truth of the lady's promise, that this day I should +discover the road into Fairy Land. + + + + + +CHAPTER II + +"`Where is the stream?' cried he, with tears. `Seest thou its not +in blue waves above us?' He looked up, and lo! the blue stream +was flowing gently over their heads." + --NOVALIS, Heinrich von Ofterdingen. + +While these strange events were passing through my mind, I +suddenly, as one awakes to the consciousness that the sea has +been moaning by him for hours, or that the storm has been howling +about his window all night, became aware of the sound of running +water near me; and, looking out of bed, I saw that a large green +marble basin, in which I was wont to wash, and which stood on a +low pedestal of the same material in a corner of my room, was +overflowing like a spring; and that a stream of clear water was +running over the carpet, all the length of the room, finding its +outlet I knew not where. And, stranger still, where this carpet, +which I had myself designed to imitate a field of grass and +daisies, bordered the course of the little stream, the grass- +blades and daisies seemed to wave in a tiny breeze that followed +the water's flow; while under the rivulet they bent and swayed +with every motion of the changeful current, as if they were about +to dissolve with it, and, forsaking their fixed form, become +fluent as the waters. + +My dressing-table was an old-fashioned piece of furniture of +black oak, with drawers all down the front. These were +elaborately carved in foliage, of which ivy formed the chief +part. The nearer end of this table remained just as it had been, +but on the further end a singular change had commenced. I +happened to fix my eye on a little cluster of ivy-leaves. The +first of these was evidently the work of the carver; the next +looked curious; the third was unmistakable ivy; and just beyond +it a tendril of clematis had twined itself about the gilt handle +of one of the drawers. Hearing next a slight motion above me, I +looked up, and saw that the branches and leaves designed upon the +curtains of my bed were slightly in motion. Not knowing what +change might follow next, I thought it high time to get up; and, +springing from the bed, my bare feet alighted upon a cool green +sward; and although I dressed in all haste, I found myself +completing my toilet under the boughs of a great tree, whose top +waved in the golden stream of the sunrise with many interchanging +lights, and with shadows of leaf and branch gliding over leaf and +branch, as the cool morning wind swung it to and fro, like a +sinking sea-wave. + +After washing as well as I could in the clear stream, I rose and +looked around me. The tree under which I seemed to have lain all +night was one of the advanced guard of a dense forest, towards +which the rivulet ran. Faint traces of a footpath, much +overgrown with grass and moss, and with here and there a +pimpernel even, were discernible along the right bank. +"This," thought I, "must surely be the path into Fairy Land, +which the lady of last night promised I should so soon find." I +crossed the rivulet, and accompanied it, keeping the footpath on +its right bank, until it led me, as I expected, into the wood. +Here I left it, without any good reason: and with a vague feeling +that I ought to have followed its course, I took a more southerly +direction. + + + + + +CHAPTER III + + "Man doth usurp all space, + Stares thee, in rock, bush, river, in + the face. + Never thine eyes behold a tree; + 'Tis no sea thou seest in the sea, + 'Tis but a disguised humanity. + To avoid thy fellow, vain thy plan; + All that interests a man, is man." + HENRY SUTTON. + +The trees, which were far apart where I entered, giving free +passage to the level rays of the sun, closed rapidly as I +advanced, so that ere long their crowded stems barred the +sunlight out, forming as it were a thick grating between me and +the East. I seemed to be advancing towards a second midnight. +In the midst of the intervening twilight, however, before I +entered what appeared to be the darkest portion of the forest, I +saw a country maiden coming towards me from its very depths. She +did not seem to observe me, for she was apparently intent upon a +bunch of wild flowers which she carried in her hand. I could +hardly see her face; for, though she came direct towards me, she +never looked up. But when we met, instead of passing, she turned +and walked alongside of me for a few yards, still keeping her +face downwards, and busied with her flowers. She spoke rapidly, +however, all the time, in a low tone, as if talking to herself, +but evidently addressing the purport of her words to me. + +She seemed afraid of being observed by some lurking foe. "Trust +the Oak," said she; "trust the Oak, and the Elm, and the great +Beech. Take care of the Birch, for though she is honest, she is +too young not to be changeable. But shun the Ash and the Alder; +for the Ash is an ogre,--you will know him by his thick fingers; +and the Alder will smother you with her web of hair, if you let +her near you at night." All this was uttered without pause or +alteration of tone. Then she turned suddenly and left me, +walking still with the same unchanging gait. I could not +conjecture what she meant, but satisfied myself with thinking +that it would be time enough to find out her meaning when there +was need to make use of her warning, and that the occasion would +reveal the admonition. I concluded from the flowers that she +carried, that the forest could not be everywhere so dense as it +appeared from where I was now walking; and I was right in this +conclusion. For soon I came to a more open part, and by-and-by +crossed a wide grassy glade, on which were several circles of +brighter green. But even here I was struck with the utter +stillness. No bird sang. No insect hummed. Not a living +creature crossed my way. Yet somehow the whole environment +seemed only asleep, and to wear even in sleep an air of +expectation. The trees seemed all to have an expression of +conscious mystery, as if they said to themselves, "we could, an' +if we would." They had all a meaning look about them. Then I +remembered that night is the fairies' day, and the moon their +sun; and I thought--Everything sleeps and dreams now: when the +night comes, it will be different. At the same time I, being a +man and a child of the day, felt some anxiety as to how I should +fare among the elves and other children of the night who wake +when mortals dream, and find their common life in those wondrous +hours that flow noiselessly over the moveless death-like forms of +men and women and children, lying strewn and parted beneath the +weight of the heavy waves of night, which flow on and beat them +down, and hold them drowned and senseless, until the ebbtide +comes, and the waves sink away, back into the ocean of the dark. +But I took courage and went on. Soon, however, I became again +anxious, though from another cause. I had eaten nothing that +day, and for an hour past had been feeling the want of food. So +I grew afraid lest I should find nothing to meet my human +necessities in this strange place; but once more I comforted +myself with hope and went on. + +Before noon, I fancied I saw a thin blue smoke rising amongst the +stems of larger trees in front of me; and soon I came to an open +spot of ground in which stood a little cottage, so built that the +stems of four great trees formed its corners, while their +branches met and intertwined over its roof, heaping a great cloud +of leaves over it, up towards the heavens. I wondered at finding +a human dwelling in this neighbourhood; and yet it did not look +altogether human, though sufficiently so to encourage me to +expect to find some sort of food. Seeing no door, I went round +to the other side, and there I found one, wide open. A woman sat +beside it, preparing some vegetables for dinner. This was homely +and comforting. As I came near, she looked up, and seeing me, +showed no surprise, but bent her head again over her work, and +said in a low tone: + +"Did you see my daughter?" + +"I believe I did," said I. "Can you give me something to eat, +for I am very hungry?" +"With pleasure," she replied, in the same tone; "but do not say +anything more, till you come into the house, for the Ash is +watching us." + +Having said this, she rose and led the way into the cottage; +which, I now saw, was built of the stems of small trees set +closely together, and was furnished with rough chairs and tables, +from which even the bark had not been removed. As soon as she +had shut the door and set a chair-- + +"You have fairy blood in you," said she, looking hard at me. + +"How do you know that?" + +"You could not have got so far into this wood if it were not so; +and I am trying to find out some trace of it in your countenance. +I think I see it." + +"What do you see?" + +"Oh, never mind: I may be mistaken in that." + +"But how then do you come to live here?" + +"Because I too have fairy blood in me." + +Here I, in my turn, looked hard at her, and thought I could +perceive, notwithstanding the coarseness of her features, and +especially the heaviness of her eyebrows, a something unusual--I +could hardly call it grace, and yet it was an expression that +strangely contrasted with the form of her features. I noticed +too that her hands were delicately formed, though brown with work +and exposure. + +"I should be ill," she continued, "if I did not live on the +borders of the fairies' country, and now and then eat of their +food. And I see by your eyes that you are not quite free of the +same need; though, from your education and the activity of your +mind, you have felt it less than I. You may be further removed +too from the fairy race." + +I remembered what the lady had said about my grandmothers. + +Here she placed some bread and some milk before me, with a kindly +apology for the homeliness of the fare, with which, however, I +was in no humour to quarrel. I now thought it time to try to get +some explanation of the strange words both of her daughter and +herself. + +"What did you mean by speaking so about the Ash?" + +She rose and looked out of the little window. My eyes followed +her; but as the window was too small to allow anything to be seen +from where I was sitting, I rose and looked over her shoulder. I +had just time to see, across the open space, on the edge of the +denser forest, a single large ash-tree, whose foliage showed +bluish, amidst the truer green of the other trees around it; when +she pushed me back with an expression of impatience and terror, +and then almost shut out the light from the window by setting up +a large old book in it. + +"In general," said she, recovering her composure, "there is no +danger in the daytime, for then he is sound asleep; but there is +something unusual going on in the woods; there must be some +solemnity among the fairies to-night, for all the trees are +restless, and although they cannot come awake, they see and hear +in their sleep." + +"But what danger is to be dreaded from him?" + +Instead of answering the question, she went again to the window +and looked out, saying she feared the fairies would be +interrupted by foul weather, for a storm was brewing in the west. + +"And the sooner it grows dark, the sooner the Ash will be awake," +added she. + +I asked her how she knew that there was any unusual excitement in +the woods. She replied-- + +"Besides the look of the trees, the dog there is unhappy; and the +eyes and ears of the white rabbit are redder than usual, and he +frisks about as if he expected some fun. If the cat were at +home, she would have her back up; for the young fairies pull the +sparks out of her tail with bramble thorns, and she knows when +they are coming. So do I, in another way." + + At this instant, a grey cat rushed in like a demon, and +disappeared in a hole in the wall. + +"There, I told you!" said the woman. + + "But what of the ash-tree?" said I, returning once more to the +subject. Here, however, the young woman, whom I had met in the +morning, entered. A smile passed between the mother and +daughter; and then the latter began to help her mother in little +household duties. + +"I should like to stay here till the evening," I said; "and then +go on my journey, if you will allow me." + +"You are welcome to do as you please; only it might be better to +stay all night, than risk the dangers of the wood then. Where +are you going?" + +"Nay, that I do not know," I replied, "but I wish to see all that +is to be seen, and therefore I should like to start just at +sundown." +"You are a bold youth, if you have any idea of what you are +daring; but a rash one, if you know nothing about it; and, excuse +me, you do not seem very well informed about the country and its +manners. However, no one comes here but for some reason, either +known to himself or to those who have charge of him; so you shall +do just as you wish." + +Accordingly I sat down, and feeling rather tired, and disinclined +for further talk, I asked leave to look at the old book which +still screened the window. The woman brought it to me directly, +but not before taking another look towards the forest, and then +drawing a white blind over the window. I sat down opposite to it +by the table, on which I laid the great old volume, and read. It +contained many wondrous tales of Fairy Land, and olden times, and +the Knights of King Arthur's table. I read on and on, till the +shades of the afternoon began to deepen; for in the midst of the +forest it gloomed earlier than in the open country. At length I +came to this passage-- + +"Here it chanced, that upon their quest, Sir Galahad and Sir +Percivale rencountered in the depths of a great forest. Now, Sir +Galahad was dight all in harness of silver, clear and shining; +the which is a delight to look upon, but full hasty to tarnish, +and withouten the labour of a ready squire, uneath to be kept +fair and clean. And yet withouten squire or page, Sir Galahad's +armour shone like the moon. And he rode a great white mare, +whose bases and other housings were black, but all besprent with +fair lilys of silver sheen. Whereas Sir Percivale bestrode a red +horse, with a tawny mane and tail; whose trappings were all to- +smirched with mud and mire; and his armour was wondrous rosty to +behold, ne could he by any art furbish it again; so that as the +sun in his going down shone twixt the bare trunks of the trees, +full upon the knights twain, the one did seem all shining with +light, and the other all to glow with ruddy fire. Now it came +about in this wise. For Sir Percivale, after his escape from the +demon lady, whenas the cross on the handle of his sword smote him +to the heart, and he rove himself through the thigh, and escaped +away, he came to a great wood; and, in nowise cured of his fault, +yet bemoaning the same, the damosel of the alder tree encountered +him, right fair to see; and with her fair words and false +countenance she comforted him and beguiled him, until he followed +her where she led him to a---" + +Here a low hurried cry from my hostess caused me to look up from +the book, and I read no more. + +"Look there!" she said; "look at his fingers!" + +Just as I had been reading in the book, the setting sun was +shining through a cleft in the clouds piled up in the west; and a +shadow as of a large distorted hand, with thick knobs and humps +on the fingers, so that it was much wider across the fingers than +across the undivided part of the hand, passed slowly over the +little blind, and then as slowly returned in the opposite +direction. + +"He is almost awake, mother; and greedier than usual to-night." + +"Hush, child; you need not make him more angry with us than he +is; for you do not know how soon something may happen to oblige +us to be in the forest after nightfall." + +"But you are in the forest," said I; "how is it that you are safe +here?" + +"He dares not come nearer than he is now," she replied; "for any +of those four oaks, at the corners of our cottage, would tear him +to pieces; they are our friends. But he stands there and makes +awful faces at us sometimes, and stretches out his long arms and +fingers, and tries to kill us with fright; for, indeed, that is +his favourite way of doing. Pray, keep out of his way to-night." + +"Shall I be able to see these things?" said I. + +"That I cannot tell yet, not knowing how much of the fairy nature +there is in you. But we shall soon see whether you can discern +the fairies in my little garden, and that will be some guide to +us." + +"Are the trees fairies too, as well as the flowers?" I asked. + +"They are of the same race," she replied; "though those you call +fairies in your country are chiefly the young children of the +flower fairies. They are very fond of having fun with the thick +people, as they call you; for, like most children, they like fun +better than anything else." + +"Why do you have flowers so near you then? Do they not annoy +you?" + +"Oh, no, they are very amusing, with their mimicries of grown +people, and mock solemnities. Sometimes they will act a whole +play through before my eyes, with perfect composure and +assurance, for they are not afraid of me. Only, as soon as they +have done, they burst into peals of tiny laughter, as if it was +such a joke to have been serious over anything. These I speak +of, however, are the fairies of the garden. They are more staid +and educated than those of the fields and woods. Of course they +have near relations amongst the wild flowers, but they patronise +them, and treat them as country cousins, who know nothing of +life, and very little of manners. Now and then, however, they +are compelled to envy the grace and simplicity of the natural +flowers." + +"Do they live IN the flowers?" I said. + +"I cannot tell," she replied. "There is something in it I do not +understand. Sometimes they disappear altogether, even from me, +though I know they are near. They seem to die always with the +flowers they resemble, and by whose names they are called; but +whether they return to life with the fresh flowers, or, whether +it be new flowers, new fairies, I cannot tell. They have as many +sorts of dispositions as men and women, while their moods are yet +more variable; twenty different expressions will cross their +little faces in half a minute. I often amuse myself with +watching them, but I have never been able to make personal +acquaintance with any of them. If I speak to one, he or she +looks up in my face, as if I were not worth heeding, gives a +little laugh, and runs away." Here the woman started, as if +suddenly recollecting herself, and said in a low voice to her +daughter, "Make haste--go and watch him, and see in what +direction he goes." + +I may as well mention here, that the conclusion I arrived at from +the observations I was afterwards able to make, was, that the +flowers die because the fairies go away; not that the fairies +disappear because the flowers die. The flowers seem a sort of +houses for them, or outer bodies, which they can put on or off +when they please. Just as you could form some idea of the nature +of a man from the kind of house he built, if he followed his own +taste, so you could, without seeing the fairies, tell what any +one of them is like, by looking at the flower till you feel that +you understand it. For just what the flower says to you, would +the face and form of the fairy say; only so much more plainly as +a face and human figure can express more than a flower. For the +house or the clothes, though like the inhabitant or the wearer, +cannot be wrought into an equal power of utterance. Yet you +would see a strange resemblance, almost oneness, between the +flower and the fairy, which you could not describe, but which +described itself to you. Whether all the flowers have fairies, I +cannot determine, any more than I can be sure whether all men and +women have souls. + +The woman and I continued the conversation for a few minutes +longer. I was much interested by the information she gave me, +and astonished at the language in which she was able to convey +it. It seemed that intercourse with the fairies was no bad +education in itself. But now the daughter returned with the +news, that the Ash had just gone away in a south-westerly +direction; and, as my course seemed to lie eastward, she hoped I +should be in no danger of meeting him if I departed at once. I +looked out of the little window, and there stood the ash-tree, to +my eyes the same as before; but I believed that they knew better +than I did, and prepared to go. I pulled out my purse, but to my +dismay there was nothing in it. The woman with a smile begged me +not to trouble myself, for money was not of the slightest use +there; and as I might meet with people in my journeys whom I +could not recognise to be fairies, it was well I had no money to +offer, for nothing offended them so much. + +"They would think," she added, "that you were making game of +them; and that is their peculiar privilege with regard to us." +So we went together into the little garden which sloped down +towards a lower part of the wood. + +Here, to my great pleasure, all was life and bustle. There was +still light enough from the day to see a little; and the pale +half-moon, halfway to the zenith, was reviving every moment. The +whole garden was like a carnival, with tiny, gaily decorated +forms, in groups, assemblies, processions, pairs or trios, moving +stately on, running about wildly, or sauntering hither or +thither. From the cups or bells of tall flowers, as from +balconies, some looked down on the masses below, now bursting +with laughter, now grave as owls; but even in their deepest +solemnity, seeming only to be waiting for the arrival of the next +laugh. Some were launched on a little marshy stream at the +bottom, in boats chosen from the heaps of last year's leaves that +lay about, curled and withered. These soon sank with them; +whereupon they swam ashore and got others. Those who took fresh +rose-leaves for their boats floated the longest; but for these +they had to fight; for the fairy of the rose-tree complained +bitterly that they were stealing her clothes, and defended her +property bravely. + +"You can't wear half you've got," said some. + +"Never you mind; I don't choose you to have them: they are my +property." + +"All for the good of the community!" said one, and ran off with a +great hollow leaf. But the rose-fairy sprang after him (what a +beauty she was! only too like a drawing-room young lady), knocked +him heels-over-head as he ran, and recovered her great red leaf. +But in the meantime twenty had hurried off in different +directions with others just as good; and the little creature sat +down and cried, and then, in a pet, sent a perfect pink snowstorm +of petals from her tree, leaping from branch to branch, and +stamping and shaking and pulling. At last, after another good +cry, she chose the biggest she could find, and ran away laughing, +to launch her boat amongst the rest. + +But my attention was first and chiefly attracted by a group of +fairies near the cottage, who were talking together around what +seemed a last dying primrose. They talked singing, and their +talk made a song, something like this: + + + + "Sister Snowdrop died + Before we were born." + "She came like a bride + In a snowy morn." + "What's a bride?" + "What is snow? + "Never tried." + "Do not know." + "Who told you about her?" + "Little Primrose there + Cannot do without her." + "Oh, so sweetly fair!" + "Never fear, + She will come, + Primrose dear." + "Is she dumb?" + + "She'll come by-and-by." + "You will never see her." + "She went home to dies, + "Till the new year." + "Snowdrop!" "'Tis no good + To invite her." + "Primrose is very rude, + "I will bite her." + + "Oh, you naughty Pocket! + "Look, she drops her head." + "She deserved it, Rocket, + "And she was nearly dead." + "To your hammock--off with you!" + "And swing alone." + "No one will laugh with you." + "No, not one." + + "Now let us moan." + "And cover her o'er." + "Primrose is gone." + "All but the flower." + "Here is a leaf." + "Lay her upon it." + "Follow in grief." + "Pocket has done it." + + "Deeper, poor creature! + Winter may come." + "He cannot reach her-- + That is a hum." + "She is buried, the beauty!" + "Now she is done." + "That was the duty." + "Now for the fun." + + +And with a wild laugh they sprang away, most of them towards the +cottage. During the latter part of the song-talk, they had +formed themselves into a funeral procession, two of them bearing +poor Primrose, whose death Pocket had hastened by biting her +stalk, upon one of her own great leaves. They bore her solemnly +along some distance, and then buried her under a tree. Although +I say HER I saw nothing but the withered primrose-flower on its +long stalk. Pocket, who had been expelled from the company by +common consent, went sulkily away towards her hammock, for she +was the fairy of the calceolaria, and looked rather wicked. When +she reached its stem, she stopped and looked round. I could not +help speaking to her, for I stood near her. I said, "Pocket, how +could you be so naughty?" + +"I am never naughty," she said, half-crossly, half-defiantly; +"only if you come near my hammock, I will bite you, and then you +will go away." + +"Why did you bite poor Primrose?" + +"Because she said we should never see Snowdrop; as if we were not +good enough to look at her, and she was, the proud thing!--served +her right!" + +"Oh, Pocket, Pocket," said I; but by this time the party which +had gone towards the house, rushed out again, shouting and +screaming with laughter. Half of them were on the cat's back, +and half held on by her fur and tail, or ran beside her; till, +more coming to their help, the furious cat was held fast; and +they proceeded to pick the sparks out of her with thorns and +pins, which they handled like harpoons. Indeed, there were more +instruments at work about her than there could have been sparks +in her. One little fellow who held on hard by the tip of the +tail, with his feet planted on the ground at an angle of forty- +five degrees, helping to keep her fast, administered a continuous +flow of admonitions to Pussy. + +"Now, Pussy, be patient. You know quite well it is all for your +good. You cannot be comfortable with all those sparks in you; +and, indeed, I am charitably disposed to believe" (here he became +very pompous) "that they are the cause of all your bad temper; so +we must have them all out, every one; else we shall be reduced to +the painful necessity of cutting your claws, and pulling out your +eye-teeth. Quiet! Pussy, quiet!" + +But with a perfect hurricane of feline curses, the poor animal +broke loose, and dashed across the garden and through the hedge, +faster than even the fairies could follow. "Never mind, never +mind, we shall find her again; and by that time she will have +laid in a fresh stock of sparks. Hooray!" And off they set, +after some new mischief. + +But I will not linger to enlarge on the amusing display of these +frolicsome creatures. Their manners and habits are now so well +known to the world, having been so often described by +eyewitnesses, that it would be only indulging self-conceit, to +add my account in full to the rest. I cannot help wishing, +however, that my readers could see them for themselves. +Especially do I desire that they should see the fairy of the +daisy; a little, chubby, round-eyed child, with such innocent +trust in his look! Even the most mischievous of the fairies +would not tease him, although he did not belong to their set at +all, but was quite a little country bumpkin. He wandered about +alone, and looked at everything, with his hands in his little +pockets, and a white night-cap on, the darling! He was not so +beautiful as many other wild flowers I saw afterwards, but so +dear and loving in his looks and little confident ways. + + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + "When bale is att hyest, boote is nyest." + Ballad of Sir Aldingar. + +By this time, my hostess was quite anxious that I should be gone. +So, with warm thanks for their hospitality, I took my leave, and +went my way through the little garden towards the forest. Some +of the garden flowers had wandered into the wood, and were +growing here and there along the path, but the trees soon became +too thick and shadowy for them. I particularly noticed some tall +lilies, which grew on both sides of the way, with large +dazzlingly white flowers, set off by the universal green. It was +now dark enough for me to see that every flower was shining with +a light of its own. Indeed it was by this light that I saw them, +an internal, peculiar light, proceeding from each, and not +reflected from a common source of light as in the daytime. This +light sufficed only for the plant itself, and was not strong +enough to cast any but the faintest shadows around it, or to +illuminate any of the neighbouring objects with other than the +faintest tinge of its own individual hue. From the lilies above +mentioned, from the campanulas, from the foxgloves, and every +bell-shaped flower, curious little figures shot up their heads, +peeped at me, and drew back. They seemed to inhabit them, as +snails their shells but I was sure some of them were intruders, +and belonged to the gnomes or goblin-fairies, who inhabit the +ground and earthy creeping plants. From the cups of Arum lilies, +creatures with great heads and grotesque faces shot up like Jack- +in-the-box, and made grimaces at me; or rose slowly and slily +over the edge of the cup, and spouted water at me, slipping +suddenly back, like those little soldier-crabs that inhabit the +shells of sea-snails. Passing a row of tall thistles, I saw them +crowded with little faces, which peeped every one from behind its +flower, and drew back as quickly; and I heard them saying to each +other, evidently intending me to hear, but the speaker always +hiding behind his tuft, when I looked in his direction, "Look at +him! Look at him! He has begun a story without a beginning, and +it will never have any end. He! he! he! Look at him!" + +But as I went further into the wood, these sights and sounds +became fewer, giving way to others of a different character. A +little forest of wild hyacinths was alive with exquisite +creatures, who stood nearly motionless, with drooping necks, +holding each by the stem of her flower, and swaying gently with +it, whenever a low breath of wind swung the crowded floral +belfry. In like manner, though differing of course in form and +meaning, stood a group of harebells, like little angels waiting, +ready, till they were wanted to go on some yet unknown message. +In darker nooks, by the mossy roots of the trees, or in little +tufts of grass, each dwelling in a globe of its own green light, +weaving a network of grass and its shadows, glowed the glowworms. + +They were just like the glowworms of our own land, for they are +fairies everywhere; worms in the day, and glowworms at night, +when their own can appear, and they can be themselves to others +as well as themselves. But they had their enemies here. For I +saw great strong-armed beetles, hurrying about with most unwieldy +haste, awkward as elephant-calves, looking apparently for +glowworms; for the moment a beetle espied one, through what to it +was a forest of grass, or an underwood of moss, it pounced upon +it, and bore it away, in spite of its feeble resistance. +Wondering what their object could be, I watched one of the +beetles, and then I discovered a thing I could not account for. +But it is no use trying to account for things in Fairy Land; and +one who travels there soon learns to forget the very idea of +doing so, and takes everything as it comes; like a child, who, +being in a chronic condition of wonder, is surprised at nothing. +What I saw was this. Everywhere, here and there over the ground, +lay little, dark-looking lumps of something more like earth than +anything else, and about the size of a chestnut. The beetles +hunted in couples for these; and having found one, one of them +stayed to watch it, while the other hurried to find a glowworm. +By signals, I presume, between them, the latter soon found his +companion again: they then took the glowworm and held its +luminous tail to the dark earthly pellet; when lo, it shot up +into the air like a sky-rocket, seldom, however, reaching the +height of the highest tree. Just like a rocket too, it burst in +the air, and fell in a shower of the most gorgeously coloured +sparks of every variety of hue; golden and red, and purple and +green, and blue and rosy fires crossed and inter-crossed each +other, beneath the shadowy heads, and between the columnar stems +of the forest trees. They never used the same glowworm twice, I +observed; but let him go, apparently uninjured by the use they +had made of him. + +In other parts, the whole of the immediately surrounding foliage +was illuminated by the interwoven dances in the air of splendidly +coloured fire-flies, which sped hither and thither, turned, +twisted, crossed, and recrossed, entwining every complexity of +intervolved motion. Here and there, whole mighty trees glowed +with an emitted phosphorescent light. You could trace the very +course of the great roots in the earth by the faint light that +came through; and every twig, and every vein on every leaf was a +streak of pale fire. + +All this time, as I went through the wood, I was haunted with the +feeling that other shapes, more like my own size and mien, were +moving about at a little distance on all sides of me. But as yet +I could discern none of them, although the moon was high enough +to send a great many of her rays down between the trees, and +these rays were unusually bright, and sight-giving, +notwithstanding she was only a half-moon. I constantly imagined, +however, that forms were visible in all directions except that to +which my gaze was turned; and that they only became invisible, or +resolved themselves into other woodland shapes, the moment my +looks were directed towards them. However this may have been, +except for this feeling of presence, the woods seemed utterly +bare of anything like human companionship, although my glance +often fell on some object which I fancied to be a human form; for +I soon found that I was quite deceived; as, the moment I fixed my +regard on it, it showed plainly that it was a bush, or a tree, or +a rock. + +Soon a vague sense of discomfort possessed me. With variations +of relief, this gradually increased; as if some evil thing were +wandering about in my neighbourhood, sometimes nearer and +sometimes further off, but still approaching. The +feelingcontinued and deepened, until all my pleasure in the shows +of various kinds that everywhere betokened the presence of the +merry fairies vanished by degrees, and left me full of anxiety +and fear, which I was unable to associate with any definite +object whatever. At length the thought crossed my mind with +horror: "Can it be possible that the Ash is looking for me? or +that, in his nightly wanderings, his path is gradually verging +towards mine?" I comforted myself, however, by remembering that +he had started quite in another direction; one that would lead +him, if he kept it, far apart from me; especially as, for the +last two or three hours, I had been diligently journeying +eastward. I kept on my way, therefore, striving by direct effort +of the will against the encroaching fear; and to this end +occupying my mind, as much as I could, with other thoughts. I +was so far successful that, although I was conscious, if I +yielded for a moment, I should be almost overwhelmed with horror, +I was yet able to walk right on for an hour or more. What I +feared I could not tell. Indeed, I was left in a state of the +vaguest uncertainty as regarded the nature of my enemy, and knew +not the mode or object of his attacks; for, somehow or other, +none of my questions had succeeded in drawing a definite answer +from the dame in the cottage. How then to defend myself I knew +not; nor even by what sign I might with certainty recognise the +presence of my foe; for as yet this vague though powerful fear +was all the indication of danger I had. To add to my distress, +the clouds in the west had risen nearly to the top of the skies, +and they and the moon were travelling slowly towards each other. +Indeed, some of their advanced guard had already met her, and she +had begun to wade through a filmy vapour that gradually deepened. + +At length she was for a moment almost entirely obscured. When +she shone out again, with a brilliancy increased by the contrast, +I saw plainly on the path before me--from around which at this +spot the trees receded, leaving a small space of green sward--the +shadow of a large hand, with knotty joints and protuberances here +and there. Especially I remarked, even in the midst of my fear, +the bulbous points of the fingers. I looked hurriedly all +around, but could see nothing from which such a shadow should +fall. Now, however, that I had a direction, however +undetermined, in which to project my apprehension, the very sense +of danger and need of action overcame that stifling which is the +worst property of fear. I reflected in a moment, that if this +were indeed a shadow, it was useless to look for the object that +cast it in any other direction than between the shadow and the +moon. I looked, and peered, and intensified my vision, all to no +purpose. I could see nothing of that kind, not even an ash-tree +in the neighbourhood. Still the shadow remained; not steady, but +moving to and fro, and once I saw the fingers close, and grind +themselves close, like the claws of a wild animal, as if in +uncontrollable longing for some anticipated prey. There seemed +but one mode left of discovering the substance of this shadow. I +went forward boldly, though with an inward shudder which I would +not heed, to the spot where the shadow lay, threw myself on the +ground, laid my head within the form of the hand, and turned my +eyes towards the moon Good heavens! what did I see? I wonder +that ever I arose, and that the very shadow of the hand did not +hold me where I lay until fear had frozen my brain. I saw the +strangest figure; vague, shadowy, almost transparent, in the +central parts, and gradually deepening in substance towards the +outside, until it ended in extremities capable of casting such a +shadow as fell from the hand, through the awful fingers of which +I now saw the moon. The hand was uplifted in the attitude of a +paw about to strike its prey. But the face, which throbbed with +fluctuating and pulsatory visibility--not from changes in the +light it reflected, but from changes in its own conditions of +reflecting power, the alterations being from within, not from +without--it was horrible. I do not know how to describe it. It +caused a new sensation. Just as one cannot translate a horrible +odour, or a ghastly pain, or a fearful sound, into words, so I +cannot describe this new form of awful hideousness. I can only +try to describe something that is not it, but seems somewhat +parallel to it; or at least is suggested by it. It reminded me +of what I had heard of vampires; for the face resembled that of a +corpse more than anything else I can think of; especially when I +can conceive such a face in motion, but not suggesting any life +as the source of the motion. The features were rather handsome +than otherwise, except the mouth, which had scarcely a curve in +it. The lips were of equal thickness; but the thickness was not +at all remarkable, even although they looked slightly swollen. +They seemed fixedly open, but were not wide apart. Of course I +did not REMARK these lineaments at the time: I was too horrified +for that. I noted them afterwards, when the form returned on my +inward sight with a vividness too intense to admit of my doubting +the accuracy of the reflex. But the most awful of the features +were the eyes. These were alive, yet not with life. + +They seemed lighted up with an infinite greed. A gnawing +voracity, which devoured the devourer, seemed to be the +indwelling and propelling power of the whole ghostly apparition. +I lay for a few moments simply imbruted with terror; when another +cloud, obscuring the moon, delivered me from the immediately +paralysing effects of the presence to the vision of the object of +horror, while it added the force of imagination to the power of +fear within me; inasmuch as, knowing far worse cause for +apprehension than before, I remained equally ignorant from what I +had to defend myself, or how to take any precautions: he might be +upon me in the darkness any moment. I sprang to my feet, and +sped I knew not whither, only away from the spectre. I thought +no longer of the path, and often narrowly escaped dashing myself +against a tree, in my headlong flight of fear. + +Great drops of rain began to patter on the leaves. Thunder began +to mutter, then growl in the distance. I ran on. The rain fell +heavier. At length the thick leaves could hold it up no longer; +and, like a second firmament, they poured their torrents on the +earth. I was soon drenched, but that was nothing. I came to a +small swollen stream that rushed through the woods. I had a +vague hope that if I crossed this stream, I should be in safety +from my pursuer; but I soon found that my hope was as false as it +was vague. I dashed across the stream, ascended a rising ground, +and reached a more open space, where stood only great trees. +Through them I directed my way, holding eastward as nearly as I +could guess, but not at all certain that I was not moving in an +opposite direction. My mind was just reviving a little from its +extreme terror, when, suddenly, a flash of lightning, or rather a +cataract of successive flashes, behind me, seemed to throw on the +ground in front of me, but far more faintly than before, from the +extent of the source of the light, the shadow of the same +horrible hand. I sprang forward, stung to yet wilder speed; but +had not run many steps before my foot slipped, and, vainly +attempting to recover myself, I fell at the foot of one of the +large trees. Half-stunned, I yet raised myself, and almost +involuntarily looked back. All I saw was the hand within three +feet of my face. But, at the same moment, I felt two large soft +arms thrown round me from behind; and a voice like a woman's +said: "Do not fear the goblin; he dares not hurt you now." With +that, the hand was suddenly withdrawn as from a fire, and +disappeared in the darkness and the rain. Overcome with the +mingling of terror and joy, I lay for some time almost +insensible. The first thing I remember is the sound of a voice +above me, full and low, and strangely reminding me of the sound +of a gentle wind amidst the leaves of a great tree. It murmured +over and over again: "I may love him, I may love him; for he is +a man, and I am only a beech-tree." I found I was seated on the +ground, leaning against a human form, and supported still by the +arms around me, which I knew to be those of a woman who must be +rather above the human size, and largely proportioned. I turned +my head, but without moving otherwise, for I feared lest the arms +should untwine themselves; and clear, somewhat mournful eyes met +mine. At least that is how they impressed me; but I could see +very little of colour or outline as we sat in the dark and rainy +shadow of the tree. The face seemed very lovely, and solemn from +its stillness; with the aspect of one who is quite content, but +waiting for something. I saw my conjecture from her arms was +correct: she was above the human scale throughout, but not +greatly. + +"Why do you call yourself a beech-tree?" I said. + +"Because I am one," she replied, in the same low, musical, +murmuring voice. + +"You are a woman," I returned. + +"Do you think so? Am I very like a woman then?" + +"You are a very beautiful woman. Is it possible you should not +know it?" + +"I am very glad you think so. I fancy I feel like a woman +sometimes. I do so to-night--and always when the rain drips from +my hair. For there is an old prophecy in our woods that one day +we shall all be men and women like you. Do you know anything +about it in your region? Shall I be very happy when I am a +woman? I fear not, for it is always in nights like these that I +feel like one. But I long to be a woman for all that." + +I had let her talk on, for her voice was like a solution of all +musical sounds. I now told her that I could hardly say whether +women were happy or not. I knew one who had not been happy; and +for my part, I had often longed for Fairy Land, as she now longed +for the world of men. But then neither of us had lived long, and +perhaps people grew happier as they grew older. Only I doubted +it. + +I could not help sighing. She felt the sigh, for her arms were +still round me. She asked me how old I was. + +"Twenty-one," said I. + +"Why, you baby!" said she, and kissed me with the sweetest kiss +of winds and odours. There was a cool faithfulness in the kiss +that revived my heart wonderfully. I felt that I feared the +dreadful Ash no more. + +"What did the horrible Ash want with me?" I said. + +"I am not quite sure, but I think he wants to bury you at the +foot of his tree. But he shall not touch you, my child." + +"Are all the ash-trees as dreadful as he?" + +"Oh, no. They are all disagreeable selfish creatures--(what +horrid men they will make, if it be true!)--but this one has a +hole in his heart that nobody knows of but one or two; and he is +always trying to fill it up, but he cannot. That must be what he +wanted you for. I wonder if he will ever be a man. If he is, I +hope they will kill him." + +"How kind of you to save me from him!" + +"I will take care that he shall not come near you again. But +there are some in the wood more like me, from whom, alas! I +cannot protect you. Only if you see any of them very beautiful, +try to walk round them." + +"What then?" + +"I cannot tell you more. But now I must tie some of my hair +about you, and then the Ash will not touch you. Here, cut some +off. You men have strange cutting things about you." + +She shook her long hair loose over me, never moving her arms. + +"I cannot cut your beautiful hair. It would be a shame." + +"Not cut my hair! It will have grown long enough before any is +wanted again in this wild forest. Perhaps it may never be of any +use again--not till I am a woman." And she sighed. + +As gently as I could, I cut with a knife a long tress of flowing, +dark hair, she hanging her beautiful head over me. When I had +finished, she shuddered and breathed deep, as one does when an +acute pain, steadfastly endured without sign of suffering, is at +length relaxed. She then took the hair and tied it round me, +singing a strange, sweet song, which I could not understand, but +which left in me a feeling like this-- + + "I saw thee ne'er before; + I see thee never more; + But love, and help, and pain, beautiful one, + Have made thee mine, till all my years are done." + +I cannot put more of it into words. She closed her arms about me +again, and went on singing. The rain in the leaves, and a light +wind that had arisen, kept her song company. I was wrapt in a +trance of still delight. It told me the secret of the woods, and +the flowers, and the birds. At one time I felt as if I was +wandering in childhood through sunny spring forests, over carpets +of primroses, anemones, and little white starry things--I had +almost said creatures, and finding new wonderful flowers at every +turn. At another, I lay half dreaming in the hot summer noon, +with a book of old tales beside me, beneath a great beech; or, in +autumn, grew sad because I trod on the leaves that had sheltered +me, and received their last blessing in the sweet odours of +decay; or, in a winter evening, frozen still, looked up, as I +went home to a warm fireside, through the netted boughs and twigs +to the cold, snowy moon, with her opal zone around her. At last +I had fallen asleep; for I know nothing more that passed till I +found myself lying under a superb beech-tree, in the clear light +of the morning, just before sunrise. Around me was a girdle of +fresh beech-leaves. Alas! I brought nothing with me out of +Fairy Land, but memories--memories. The great boughs of the +beech hung drooping around me. At my head rose its smooth stem, +with its great sweeps of curving surface that swelled like +undeveloped limbs. The leaves and branches above kept on the +song which had sung me asleep; only now, to my mind, it sounded +like a farewell and a speedwell. I sat a long time, unwilling to +go; but my unfinished story urged me on. I must act and wander. +With the sun well risen, I rose, and put my arms as far as they +would reach around the beech-tree, and kissed it, and said good- +bye. A trembling went through the leaves; a few of the last +drops of the night's rain fell from off them at my feet; and as I +walked slowly away, I seemed to hear in a whisper once more the +words: "I may love him, I may love him; for he is a man, and I +am only a beech-tree." + + + + + +CHAPTER V + + "And she was smooth and full, as if one gush + Of life had washed her, or as if a sleep + Lay on her eyelid, easier to sweep + Than bee from daisy." + BEDDOIS' Pygmalion. + + "Sche was as whyt as lylye yn May, + Or snow that sneweth yn wynterys day." + Romance of Sir Launfal. + + +I walked on, in the fresh morning air, as if new-born. The only +thing that damped my pleasure was a cloud of something between +sorrow and delight that crossed my mind with the frequently +returning thought of my last night's hostess. "But then," +thought I, "if she is sorry, I could not help it; and she has all +the pleasures she ever had. Such a day as this is surely a joy +to her, as much at least as to me. And her life will perhaps be +the richer, for holding now within it the memory of what came, +but could not stay. And if ever she is a woman, who knows but we +may meet somewhere? there is plenty of room for meeting in the +universe." Comforting myself thus, yet with a vague compunction, +as if I ought not to have left her, I went on. There was little +to distinguish the woods to-day from those of my own land; except +that all the wild things, rabbits, birds, squirrels, mice, and +the numberless other inhabitants, were very tame; that is, they +did not run away from me, but gazed at me as I passed, frequently +coming nearer, as if to examine me more closely. Whether this +came from utter ignorance, or from familiarity with the human +appearance of beings who never hurt them, I could not tell. As I +stood once, looking up to the splendid flower of a parasite, +which hung from the branch of a tree over my head, a large white +rabbit cantered slowly up, put one of its little feet on one of +mine, and looked up at me with its red eyes, just as I had been +looking up at the flower above me. I stooped and stroked it; but +when I attempted to lift it, it banged the ground with its hind +feet and scampered off at a great rate, turning, however, to look +at me several times before I lost sight of it. Now and then, +too, a dim human figure would appear and disappear, at some +distance, amongst the trees, moving like a sleep-walker. But no +one ever came near me. + +This day I found plenty of food in the forest--strange nuts and +fruits I had never seen before. I hesitated to eat them; but +argued that, if I could live on the air of Fairy Land, I could +live on its food also. I found my reasoning correct, and the +result was better than I had hoped; for it not only satisfied my +hunger, but operated in such a way upon my senses that I was +brought into far more complete relationship with the things +around me. The human forms appeared much more dense and defined; +more tangibly visible, if I may say so. I seemed to know better +which direction to choose when any doubt arose. I began to feel +in some degree what the birds meant in their songs, though I +could not express it in words, any more than you can some +landscapes. At times, to my surprise, I found myself listening +attentively, and as if it were no unusual thing with me, to a +conversation between two squirrels or monkeys. The subjects were +not very interesting, except as associated with the individual +life and necessities of the little creatures: where the best nuts +were to be found in the neighbourhood, and who could crack them +best, or who had most laid up for the winter, and such like; only +they never said where the store was. There was no great +difference in kind between their talk and our ordinary human +conversation. Some of the creatures I never heard speak at all, +and believe they never do so, except under the impulse of some +great excitement. The mice talked; but the hedgehogs seemed very +phlegmatic; and though I met a couple of moles above ground +several times, they never said a word to each other in my +hearing. There were no wild beasts in the forest; at least, I +did not see one larger than a wild cat. There were plenty of +snakes, however, and I do not think they were all harmless; but +none ever bit me. + +Soon after mid-day I arrived at a bare rocky hill, of no great +size, but very steep; and having no trees--scarcely even a bush-- +upon it, entirely exposed to the heat of the sun. Over this my +way seemed to lie, and I immediately began the ascent. On +reaching the top, hot and weary, I looked around me, and saw that +the forest still stretched as far as the sight could reach on +every side of me. I observed that the trees, in the direction in +which I was about to descend, did not come so near the foot of +the hill as on the other side, and was especially regretting the +unexpected postponement of shelter, because this side of the hill +seemed more difficult to descend than the other had been to +climb, when my eye caught the appearance of a natural path, +winding down through broken rocks and along the course of a tiny +stream, which I hoped would lead me more easily to the foot. I +tried it, and found the descent not at all laborious; +nevertheless, when I reached the bottom, I was very tired and +exhausted with the heat. But just where the path seemed to end, +rose a great rock, quite overgrown with shrubs and creeping +plants, some of them in full and splendid blossom: these almost +concealed an opening in the rock, into which the path appeared to +lead. I entered, thirsting for the shade which it promised. +What was my delight to find a rocky cell, all the angles rounded +away with rich moss, and every ledge and projection crowded with +lovely ferns, the variety of whose forms, and groupings, and +shades wrought in me like a poem; for such a harmony could not +exist, except they all consented to some one end! A little well +of the clearest water filled a mossy hollow in one corner. I +drank, and felt as if I knew what the elixir of life must be; +then threw myself on a mossy mound that lay like a couch along +the inner end. Here I lay in a delicious reverie for some time; +during which all lovely forms, and colours, and sounds seemed to +use my brain as a common hall, where they could come and go, +unbidden and unexcused. I had never imagined that such capacity +for simple happiness lay in me, as was now awakened by this +assembly of forms and spiritual sensations, which yet were far +too vague to admit of being translated into any shape common to +my own and another mind. I had lain for an hour, I should +suppose, though it may have been far longer, when, the harmonious +tumult in my mind having somewhat relaxed, I became aware that my +eyes were fixed on a strange, time-worn bas-relief on the rock +opposite to me. This, after some pondering, I concluded to +represent Pygmalion, as he awaited the quickening of his statue. +The sculptor sat more rigid than the figure to which his eyes +were turned. That seemed about to step from its pedestal and +embrace the man, who waited rather than expected. + +"A lovely story," I said to myself. "This cave, now, with the +bushes cut away from the entrance to let the light in, might be +such a place as he would choose, withdrawn from the notice of +men, to set up his block of marble, and mould into a visible body +the thought already clothed with form in the unseen hall of the +sculptor's brain. And, indeed, if I mistake not," I said, +starting up, as a sudden ray of light arrived at that moment +through a crevice in the roof, and lighted up a small portion of +the rock, bare of vegetation, "this very rock is marble, white +enough and delicate enough for any statue, even if destined to +become an ideal woman in the arms of the sculptor." + +I took my knife and removed the moss from a part of the block on +which I had been lying; when, to my surprise, I found it more +like alabaster than ordinary marble, and soft to the edge of the +knife. In fact, it was alabaster. By an inexplicable, though by +no means unusual kind of impulse, I went on removing the moss +from the surface of the stone; and soon saw that it was polished, +or at least smooth, throughout. I continued my labour; and after +clearing a space of about a couple of square feet, I observed +what caused me to prosecute the work with more interest and care +than before. For the ray of sunlight had now reached the spot I +had cleared, and under its lustre the alabaster revealed its +usual slight transparency when polished, except where my knife +had scratched the surface; and I observed that the transparency +seemed to have a definite limit, and to end upon an opaque body +like the more solid, white marble. I was careful to scratch no +more. And first, a vague anticipation gave way to a startling +sense of possibility; then, as I proceeded, one revelation after +another produced the entrancing conviction, that under the crust +of alabaster lay a dimly visible form in marble, but whether of +man or woman I could not yet tell. I worked on as rapidly as the +necessary care would permit; and when I had uncovered the whole +mass, and rising from my knees, had retreated a little way, so +that the effect of the whole might fall on me, I saw before me +with sufficient plainness--though at the same time with +considerable indistinctness, arising from the limited amount of +light the place admitted, as well as from the nature of the +object itself--a block of pure alabaster enclosing the form, +apparently in marble, of a reposing woman. She lay on one side, +with her hand under her cheek, and her face towards me; but her +hair had fallen partly over her face, so that I could not see the +expression of the whole. What I did see appeared to me perfectly +lovely; more near the face that had been born with me in my soul, +than anything I had seen before in nature or art. The actual +outlines of the rest of the form were so indistinct, that the +more than semi-opacity of the alabaster seemed insufficient to +account for the fact; and I conjectured that a light robe added +its obscurity. Numberless histories passed through my mind of +change of substance from enchantment and other causes, and of +imprisonments such as this before me. I thought of the Prince of +the Enchanted City, half marble and half a man; of Ariel; of +Niobe; of the Sleeping Beauty in the Wood; of the bleeding trees; +and many other histories. Even my adventure of the preceding +evening with the lady of the beech-tree contributed to arouse the +wild hope, that by some means life might be given to this form +also, and that, breaking from her alabaster tomb, she might +glorify my eyes with her presence. "For," I argued, "who can +tell but this cave may be the home of Marble, and this, essential +Marble--that spirit of marble which, present throughout, makes it +capable of being moulded into any form? Then if she should +awake! But how to awake her? A kiss awoke the Sleeping Beauty! +a kiss cannot reach her through the incrusting alabaster." I +kneeled, however, and kissed the pale coffin; but she slept on. +I bethought me of Orpheus, and the following stones--that trees +should follow his music seemed nothing surprising now. Might not +a song awake this form, that the glory of motion might for a time +displace the loveliness of rest? Sweet sounds can go where +kisses may not enter. I sat and thought. Now, although always +delighting in music, I had never been gifted with the power of +song, until I entered the fairy forest. I had a voice, and I had +a true sense of sound; but when I tried to sing, the one would +not content the other, and so I remained silent. This morning, +however, I had found myself, ere I was aware, rejoicing in a +song; but whether it was before or after I had eaten of the +fruits of the forest, I could not satisfy myself. I concluded it +was after, however; and that the increased impulse to sing I now +felt, was in part owing to having drunk of the little well, which +shone like a brilliant eye in a corner of the cave. It saw down +on the ground by the "antenatal tomb," leaned upon it with my +face towards the head of the figure within, and sang--the words +and tones coming together, and inseparably connected, as if word +and tone formed one thing; or, as if each word could be uttered +only in that tone, and was incapable of distinction from it, +except in idea, by an acute analysis. I sang something like +this: but the words are only a dull representation of a state +whose very elevation precluded the possibility of remembrance; +and in which I presume the words really employed were as far +above these, as that state transcended this wherein I recall it: + + "Marble woman, vainly sleeping + In the very death of dreams! + Wilt thou--slumber from thee sweeping, + All but what with vision teems-- + Hear my voice come through the golden + Mist of memory and hope; + And with shadowy smile embolden + Me with primal Death to cope? + + "Thee the sculptors all pursuing, + Have embodied but their own; + Round their visions, form enduring, + Marble vestments thou hast thrown; + But thyself, in silence winding, + Thou hast kept eternally; + Thee they found not, many finding-- + I have found thee: wake for me." + + +As I sang, I looked earnestly at the face so vaguely revealed +before me. I fancied, yet believed it to be but fancy, that +through the dim veil of the alabaster, I saw a motion of the head +as if caused by a sinking sigh. I gazed more earnestly, and +concluded that it was but fancy. Neverthless I could not help +singing again-- + + "Rest is now filled full of beauty, + And can give thee up, I ween; + Come thou forth, for other duty + Motion pineth for her queen. + + "Or, if needing years to wake thee + From thy slumbrous solitudes, + Come, sleep-walking, and betake thee + To the friendly, sleeping woods. + + Sweeter dreams are in the forest, + Round thee storms would never rave; + And when need of rest is sorest, + Glide thou then into thy cave. + + "Or, if still thou choosest rather + Marble, be its spell on me; + Let thy slumber round me gather, + Let another dream with thee!" + + +Again I paused, and gazed through the stony shroud, as if, by +very force of penetrative sight, I would clear every lineament of +the lovely face. And now I thought the hand that had lain under +the cheek, had slipped a little downward. But then I could not +be sure that I had at first observed its position accurately. So +I sang again; for the longing had grown into a passionate need of +seeing her alive-- + + "Or art thou Death, O woman? for since I + Have set me singing by thy side, + Life hath forsook the upper sky, + And all the outer world hath died. + + "Yea, I am dead; for thou hast drawn + My life all downward unto thee. + Dead moon of love! let twilight dawn: + Awake! and let the darkness flee. + + "Cold lady of the lovely stone! + Awake! or I shall perish here; + And thou be never more alone, + My form and I for ages near. + + "But words are vain; reject them all-- + They utter but a feeble part: + Hear thou the depths from which they call, + The voiceless longing of my heart." + + +There arose a slightly crashing sound. Like a sudden apparition +that comes and is gone, a white form, veiled in a light robe of +whiteness, burst upwards from the stone, stood, glided forth, and +gleamed away towards the woods. For I followed to the mouth of +the cave, as soon as the amazement and concentration of delight +permitted the nerves of motion again to act; and saw the white +form amidst the trees, as it crossed a little glade on the edge +of the forest where the sunlight fell full, seeming to gather +with intenser radiance on the one object that floated rather than +flitted through its lake of beams. I gazed after her in a kind +of despair; found, freed, lost! It seemed useless to follow, yet +follow I must. I marked the direction she took; and without once +looking round to the forsaken cave, I hastened towards the +forest. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +"Ah, let a man beware, when his wishes, fulfilled, rain down +upon him, and his happiness is unbounded." + "Thy red lips, like worms, + Travel over my cheek." + MOTHERWELL. + +But as I crossed the space between the foot of the hill and the +forest, a vision of another kind delayed my steps. Through an +opening to the westward flowed, like a stream, the rays of the +setting sun, and overflowed with a ruddy splendour the open space +where I was. And riding as it were down this stream towards me, +came a horseman in what appeared red armour. From frontlet to +tail, the horse likewise shone red in the sunset. I felt as if I +must have seen the knight before; but as he drew near, I could +recall no feature of his countenance. Ere he came up to me, +however, I remembered the legend of Sir Percival in the rusty +armour, which I had left unfinished in the old book in the +cottage: it was of Sir Percival that he reminded me. And no +wonder; for when he came close up to me, I saw that, from crest +to heel, the whole surface of his armour was covered with a light +rust. The golden spurs shone, but the iron greaves glowed in the +sunlight. The MORNING STAR, which hung from his wrist, glittered +and glowed with its silver and bronze. His whole appearance was +terrible; but his face did not answer to this appearance. It was +sad, even to gloominess; and something of shame seemed to cover +it. Yet it was noble and high, though thus beclouded; and the +form looked lofty, although the head drooped, and the whole frame +was bowed as with an inward grief. The horse seemed to share in +his master's dejection, and walked spiritless and slow. I +noticed, too, that the white plume on his helmet was discoloured +and drooping. "He has fallen in a joust with spears," I said to +myself; "yet it becomes not a noble knight to be conquered in +spirit because his body hath fallen." He appeared not to observe +me, for he was riding past without looking up, and started into a +warlike attitude the moment the first sound of my voice reached +him. Then a flush, as of shame, covered all of his face that the +lifted beaver disclosed. He returned my greeting with distant +courtesy, and passed on. But suddenly, he reined up, sat a +moment still, and then turning his horse, rode back to where I +stood looking after him. + +"I am ashamed," he said, "to appear a knight, and in such a +guise; but it behoves me to tell you to take warning from me, +lest the same evil, in his kind, overtake the singer that has +befallen the knight. Hast thou ever read the story of Sir +Percival and the"--(here he shuddered, that his armour rang)-- +"Maiden of the Alder-tree?" + +"In part, I have," said I; "for yesterday, at the entrance of +this forest, I found in a cottage the volume wherein it is +recorded." +"Then take heed," he rejoined; "for, see my armour--I put it off; +and as it befell to him, so has it befallen to me. I that was +proud am humble now. Yet is she terribly beautiful--beware. +Never," he added, raising his head, "shall this armour be +furbished, but by the blows of knightly encounter, until the last +speck has disappeared from every spot where the battle-axe and +sword of evil-doers, or noble foes, might fall; when I shall +again lift my head, and say to my squire, `Do thy duty once more, +and make this armour shine.'" + +Before I could inquire further, he had struck spurs into his +horse and galloped away, shrouded from my voice in the noise of +his armour. For I called after him, anxious to know more about +this fearful enchantress; but in vain--he heard me not. "Yet," I +said to myself, "I have now been often warned; surely I shall be +well on my guard; and I am fully resolved I shall not be ensnared +by any beauty, however beautiful. Doubtless, some one man may +escape, and I shall be he." So I went on into the wood, still +hoping to find, in some one of its mysterious recesses, my lost +lady of the marble. The sunny afternoon died into the loveliest +twilight. Great bats began to flit about with their own +noiseless flight, seemingly purposeless, because its objects are +unseen. The monotonous music of the owl issued from all +unexpected quarters in the half-darkness around me. The glow- +worm was alight here and there, burning out into the great +universe. The night-hawk heightened all the harmony and +stillness with his oft-recurring, discordant jar. Numberless +unknown sounds came out of the unknown dusk; but all were of +twilight-kind, oppressing the heart as with a condensed +atmosphere of dreamy undefined love and longing. The odours of +night arose, and bathed me in that luxurious mournfulness +peculiar to them, as if the plants whence they floated had been +watered with bygone tears. Earth drew me towards her bosom; I +felt as if I could fall down and kiss her. I forgot I was in +Fairy Land, and seemed to be walking in a perfect night of our +own old nursing earth. Great stems rose about me, uplifting a +thick multitudinous roof above me of branches, and twigs, and +leaves--the bird and insect world uplifted over mine, with its +own landscapes, its own thickets, and paths, and glades, and +dwellings; its own bird-ways and insect-delights. Great boughs +crossed my path; great roots based the tree-columns, and mightily +clasped the earth, strong to lift and strong to uphold. It +seemed an old, old forest, perfect in forest ways and pleasures. +And when, in the midst of this ecstacy, I remembered that under +some close canopy of leaves, by some giant stem, or in some mossy +cave, or beside some leafy well, sat the lady of the marble, whom +my songs had called forth into the outer world, waiting (might it +not be?) to meet and thank her deliverer in a twilight which +would veil her confusion, the whole night became one dream-realm +of joy, the central form of which was everywhere present, +although unbeheld. Then, remembering how my songs seemed to have +called her from the marble, piercing through the pearly shroud of +alabaster--"Why," thought I, "should not my voice reach her now, +through the ebon night that inwraps her." My voice burst into +song so spontaneously that it seemed involuntarily. + + "Not a sound + But, echoing in me, + Vibrates all around + With a blind delight, + Till it breaks on Thee, + Queen of Night! + + Every tree, + O'ershadowing with gloom, + Seems to cover thee + Secret, dark, love-still'd, + In a holy room + Silence-filled. + + "Let no moon + Creep up the heaven to-night; + I in darksome noon + Walking hopefully, + Seek my shrouded light-- + Grope for thee! + + "Darker grow + The borders of the dark! + Through the branches glow, + From the roof above, + Star and diamond-sparks + Light for love." + + +Scarcely had the last sounds floated away from the hearing of my +own ears, when I heard instead a low delicious laugh near me. It +was not the laugh of one who would not be heard, but the laugh of +one who has just received something long and patiently desired--a +laugh that ends in a low musical moan. I started, and, turning +sideways, saw a dim white figure seated beside an intertwining +thicket of smaller trees and underwood. + +"It is my white lady!" I said, and flung myself on the ground +beside her; striving, through the gathering darkness, to get a +glimpse of the form which had broken its marble prison at my +call. + +"It is your white lady!" said the sweetest voice, in reply, +sending a thrill of speechless delight through a heart which all +the love-charms of the preceding day and evening had been +tempering for this culminating hour. Yet, if I would have +confessed it, there was something either in the sound of the +voice, although it seemed sweetness itself, or else in this +yielding which awaited no gradation of gentle approaches, that +did not vibrate harmoniously with the beat of my inward music. +And likewise, when, taking her hand in mine, I drew closer to +her, looking for the beauty of her face, which, indeed, I found +too plenteously, a cold shiver ran through me; but "it is the +marble," I said to myself, and heeded it not. + +She withdrew her hand from mine, and after that would scarce +allow me to touch her. It seemed strange, after the fulness of +her first greeting, that she could not trust me to come close to +her. Though her words were those of a lover, she kept herself +withdrawn as if a mile of space interposed between us. + +"Why did you run away from me when you woke in the cave?" I said. + +"Did I?" she returned. "That was very unkind of me; but I did +not know better." + +"I wish I could see you. The night is very dark." + +"So it is. Come to my grotto. There is light there." + +"Have you another cave, then?" + +"Come and see." + +But she did not move until I rose first, and then she was on her +feet before I could offer my hand to help her. She came close to +my side, and conducted me through the wood. But once or twice, +when, involuntarily almost, I was about to put my arm around her +as we walked on through the warm gloom, she sprang away several +paces, always keeping her face full towards me, and then stood +looking at me, slightly stooping, in the attitude of one who +fears some half-seen enemy. It was too dark to discern the +expression of her face. Then she would return and walk close +beside me again, as if nothing had happened. I thought this +strange; but, besides that I had almost, as I said before, given +up the attempt to account for appearances in Fairy Land, I judged +that it would be very unfair to expect from one who had slept so +long and had been so suddenly awakened, a behaviour correspondent +to what I might unreflectingly look for. I knew not what she +might have been dreaming about. Besides, it was possible that, +while her words were free, her sense of touch might be +exquisitely delicate. + +At length, after walking a long way in the woods, we arrived at +another thicket, through the intertexture of which was glimmering +a pale rosy light. + + "Push aside the branches," she said, "and make room for us to +enter." + +I did as she told me. + +"Go in," she said; "I will follow you." + +I did as she desired, and found myself in a little cave, not very +unlike the marble cave. It was festooned and draperied with all +kinds of green that cling to shady rocks. In the furthest +corner, half- hidden in leaves, through which it glowed, mingling +lovely shadows between them, burned a bright rosy flame on a +little earthen lamp. The lady glided round by the wall from +behind me, still keeping her face towards me, and seated herself +in the furthest corner, with her back to the lamp, which she hid +completely from my view. I then saw indeed a form of perfect +loveliness before me. Almost it seemed as if the light of the +rose-lamp shone through her (for it could not be reflected from +her); such a delicate shade of pink seemed to shadow what in +itself must be a marbly whiteness of hue. I discovered +afterwards, however, that there was one thing in it I did not +like; which was, that the white part of the eye was tinged with +the same slight roseate hue as the rest of the form. It is +strange that I cannot recall her features; but they, as well as +her somewhat girlish figure, left on me simply and only the +impression of intense loveliness. I lay down at her feet, and +gazed up into her face as I lay. She began, and told me a +strange tale, which, likewise, I cannot recollect; but which, at +every turn and every pause, somehow or other fixed my eyes and +thoughts upon her extreme beauty; seeming always to culminate in +something that had a relation, revealed or hidden, but always +operative, with her own loveliness. I lay entranced. It was a +tale which brings back a feeling as of snows and tempests; +torrents and water-sprites; lovers parted for long, and meeting +at last; with a gorgeous summer night to close up the whole. I +listened till she and I were blended with the tale; till she and +I were the whole history. And we had met at last in this same +cave of greenery, while the summer night hung round us heavy with +love, and the odours that crept through the silence from the +sleeping woods were the only signs of an outer world that invaded +our solitude. What followed I cannot clearly remember. The +succeeding horror almost obliterated it. I woke as a grey dawn +stole into the cave. The damsel had disappeared; but in the +shrubbery, at the mouth of the cave, stood a strange horrible +object. It looked like an open coffin set up on one end; only +that the part for the head and neck was defined from the +shoulder-part. In fact, it was a rough representation of the +human frame, only hollow, as if made of decaying bark torn from a +tree. + +It had arms, which were only slightly seamed, down from the +shoulder- blade by the elbow, as if the bark had healed again +from the cut of a knife. But the arms moved, and the hand and +the fingers were tearing asunder a long silky tress of hair. The +thing turned round--it had for a face and front those of my +enchantress, but now of a pale greenish hue in the light of the +morning, and with dead lustreless eyes. In the horror of the +moment, another fear invaded me. I put my hand to my waist, and +found indeed that my girdle of beech-leaves was gone. Hair again +in her hands, she was tearing it fiercely. Once more, as she +turned, she laughed a low laugh, but now full of scorn and +derision; and then she said, as if to a companion with whom she +had been talking while I slept, "There he is; you can take him +now." I lay still, petrified with dismay and fear; for I now saw +another figure beside her, which, although vague and indistinct, +I yet recognised but too well. It was the Ash-tree. My beauty +was the Maid of the Alder! and she was giving me, spoiled of my +only availing defence, into the hands of bent his Gorgon-head, +and entered the cave. I could not stir. He drew near me. His +ghoul-eyes and his ghastly face fascinated me. He came stooping, +with the hideous hand outstretched, like a beast of prey. I had +given myself up to a death of unfathomable horror, when, +suddenly, and just as he was on the point of seizing me, the +dull, heavy blow of an axe echoed through the wood, followed by +others in quick repetition. The Ash shuddered and groaned, +withdrew the outstretched hand, retreated backwards to the mouth +of the cave, then turned and disappeared amongst the trees. The +other walking Death looked at me once, with a careless dislike on +her beautifully moulded features; then, heedless any more to +conceal her hollow deformity, turned her frightful back and +likewise vanished amid the green obscurity without. I lay and +wept. The Maid of the Alder-tree had befooled me--nearly slain +me--in spite of all the warnings I had received from those who +knew my danger. + + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + "Fight on, my men, Sir Andrew sayes, + A little Ime hurt, but yett not slaine; + He but lye downe and bleede awhile, + And then Ile rise and fight againe." + Ballad of Sir Andrew Barton. + +But I could not remain where I was any longer, though the +daylight was hateful to me, and the thought of the great, +innocent, bold sunrise unendurable. Here there was no well to +cool my face, smarting with the bitterness of my own tears. Nor +would I have washed in the well of that grotto, had it flowed +clear as the rivers of Paradise. I rose, and feebly left the +sepulchral cave. I took my way I knew not whither, but still +towards the sunrise. The birds were singing; but not for me. +All the creatures spoke a language of their own, with which I had +nothing to do, and to which I cared not to find the key any more. + +I walked listlessly along. What distressed me most--more even +than my own folly--was the perplexing question, How can beauty +and ugliness dwell so near? Even with her altered complexion and +her face of dislike; disenchanted of the belief that clung around +her; known for a living, walking sepulchre, faithless, deluding, +traitorous; I felt notwithstanding all this, that she was +beautiful. Upon this I pondered with undiminished perplexity, +though not without some gain. Then I began to make surmises as +to the mode of my deliverance; and concluded that some hero, +wandering in search of adventure, had heard how the forest was +infested; and, knowing it was useless to attack the evil thing in +person, had assailed with his battle-axe the body in which he +dwelt, and on which he was dependent for his power of mischief in +the wood. "Very likely," I thought, "the repentant-knight, who +warned me of the evil which has befallen me, was busy retrieving +his lost honour, while I was sinking into the same sorrow with +himself; and, hearing of the dangerous and mysterious being, +arrived at his tree in time to save me from being dragged to its +roots, and buried like carrion, to nourish him for yet deeper +insatiableness." I found afterwards that my conjecture was +correct. I wondered how he had fared when his blows recalled the +Ash himself, and that too I learned afterwards. + +I walked on the whole day, with intervals of rest, but without +food; for I could not have eaten, had any been offered me; till, +in the afternoon, I seemed to approach the outskirts of the +forest, and at length arrived at a farm-house. An unspeakable +joy arose in my heart at beholding an abode of human beings once +more, and I hastened up to the door, and knocked. A +kind-looking, matronly woman, still handsome, made her +appearance; who, as soon as she saw me, said kindly, "Ah, my poor +boy, you have come from the wood! Were you in it last night?" + +I should have ill endured, the day before, to be called BOY; but +now the motherly kindness of the word went to my heart; and, like +a boy indeed, I burst into tears. She soothed me right gently; +and, leading me into a room, made me lie down on a settle, while +she went to find me some refreshment. She soon returned with +food, but I could not eat. She almost compelled me to swallow +some wine, when I revived sufficiently to be able to answer some +of her questions. I told her the whole story. + +"It is just as I feared," she said; "but you are now for the +night beyond the reach of any of these dreadful creatures. It is +no wonder they could delude a child like you. But I must beg +you, when my husband comes in, not to say a word about these +things; for he thinks me even half crazy for believing anything +of the sort. But I must believe my senses, as he cannot believe +beyond his, which give him no intimations of this kind. I think +he could spend the whole of Midsummer-eve in the wood and come +back with the report that he saw nothing worse than himself. +Indeed, good man, he would hardly find anything better than +himself, if he had seven more senses given him." + +"But tell me how it is that she could be so beautiful without any +heart at all--without any place even for a heart to live in." + +"I cannot quite tell," she said; "but I am sure she would not +look so beautiful if she did not take means to make herself look +more beautiful than she is. And then, you know, you began by +being in love with her before you saw her beauty, mistaking her +for the lady of the marble--another kind altogether, I should +think. But the chief thing that makes her beautiful is this: +that, although she loves no man, she loves the love of any man; +and when she finds one in her power, her desire to bewitch him +and gain his love (not for the sake of his love either, but that +she may be conscious anew of her own beauty, through the +admiration he manifests), makes her very lovely--with a self- +destructive beauty, though; for it is that which is constantly +wearing her away within, till, at last, the decay will reach her +face, and her whole front, when all the lovely mask of nothing +will fall to pieces, and she be vanished for ever. So a wise +man, whom she met in the wood some years ago, and who, I think, +for all his wisdom, fared no better than you, told me, when, like +you, he spent the next night here, and recounted to me his +adventures." + +I thanked her very warmly for her solution, though it was but +partial; wondering much that in her, as in woman I met on my +first entering the forest, there should be such superiority to +her apparent condition. Here she left me to take some rest; +though, indeed, I was too much agitated to rest in any other way +than by simply ceasing to move. + +In half an hour, I heard a heavy step approach and enter the +house. A jolly voice, whose slight huskiness appeared to proceed +from overmuch laughter, called out "Betsy, the pigs' trough is +quite empty, and that is a pity. Let them swill, lass! They're +of no use but to get fat. Ha! ha! ha! Gluttony is not forbidden +in their commandments. Ha! ha! ha!" The very voice, kind and +jovial, seemed to disrobe the room of the strange look which all +new places wear--to disenchant it out of the realm of the ideal +into that of the actual. It began to look as if I had known +every corner of it for twenty years; and when, soon after, the +dame came and fetched me to partake of their early supper, the +grasp of his great hand, and the harvest-moon of his benevolent +face, which was needed to light up the rotundity of the globe +beneath it, produced such a reaction in me, that, for a moment, I +could hardly believe that there was a Fairy Land; and that all I +had passed through since I left home, had not been the wandering +dream of a diseased imagination, operating on a too mobile frame, +not merely causing me indeed to travel, but peopling for me with +vague phantoms the regions through which my actual steps had led +me. But the next moment my eye fell upon a little girl who was +sitting in the chimney-corner, with a little book open on her +knee, from which she had apparently just looked up to fix great +inquiring eyes upon me. I believed in Fairy Land again. She +went on with her reading, as soon as she saw that I observed her +looking at me. I went near, and peeping over her shoulder, saw +that she was reading "The History of Graciosa and Percinet." + +"Very improving book, sir," remarked the old farmer, with a good- +humoured laugh. "We are in the very hottest corner of Fairy Land +here. Ha! ha! Stormy night, last night, sir." + +"Was it, indeed?" I rejoined. "It was not so with me. A +lovelier night I never saw." +"Indeed! Where were you last night?" + +"I spent it in the forest. I had lost my way." + +"Ah! then, perhaps, you will be able to convince my good woman, +that there is nothing very remarkable about the forest; for, to +tell the truth, it bears but a bad name in these parts. I dare +say you saw nothing worse than yourself there?" + +"I hope I did," was my inward reply; but, for an audible one, I +contented myself with saying, "Why, I certainly did see some +appearances I could hardly account for; but that is nothing to be +wondered at in an unknown wild forest, and with the uncertain +light of the moon alone to go by." + +"Very true! you speak like a sensible man, sir. We have but few +sensible folks round about us. Now, you would hardly credit it, +but my wife believes every fairy-tale that ever was written. I +cannot account for it. She is a most sensible woman in +everything else." + +"But should not that make you treat her belief with something of +respect, though you cannot share in it yourself?" + +"Yes, that is all very well in theory; but when you come to live +every day in the midst of absurdity, it is far less easy to +behave respectfully to it. Why, my wife actually believes the +story of the `White Cat.' You know it, I dare say." + +"I read all these tales when a child, and know that one +especially well." + +"But, father," interposed the little girl in the chimney-corner, +"you know quite well that mother is descended from that very +princess who was changed by the wicked fairy into a white cat. +Mother has told me so a many times, and you ought to believe +everything she says." + +"I can easily believe that," rejoined the farmer, with another +fit of laughter; "for, the other night, a mouse came gnawing and +scratching beneath the floor, and would not let us go to sleep. +Your mother sprang out of bed, and going as near it as she could, +mewed so infernally like a great cat, that the noise ceased +instantly. I believe the poor mouse died of the fright, for we +have never heard it again. Ha! ha! ha!" + +The son, an ill-looking youth, who had entered during the +conversation, joined in his father's laugh; but his laugh was +very different from the old man's: it was polluted with a sneer. +I watched him, and saw that, as soon as it was over, he looked +scared, as if he dreaded some evil consequences to follow his +presumption. The woman stood near, waiting till we should seat +ourselves at the table, and listening to it all with an amused +air, which had something in it of the look with which one listens +to the sententious remarks of a pompous child. We sat down to +supper, and I ate heartily. My bygone distresses began already +to look far off. + +"In what direction are you going?" asked the old man. + +"Eastward," I replied; nor could I have given a more definite +answer. "Does the forest extend much further in that direction?" + +"Oh! for miles and miles; I do not know how far. For although I +have lived on the borders of it all my life, I have been too busy +to make journeys of discovery into it. Nor do I see what I could +discover. It is only trees and trees, till one is sick of them. +By the way, if you follow the eastward track from here, you will +pass close to what the children say is the very house of the ogre +that Hop-o'-my-Thumb visited, and ate his little daughters with +the crowns of gold." + +"Oh, father! ate his little daughters! No; he only changed their +gold crowns for nightcaps; and the great long-toothed ogre killed +them in mistake; but I do not think even he ate them, for you +know they were his own little ogresses." + +"Well, well, child; you know all about it a great deal better +than I do. However, the house has, of course, in such a foolish +neighbourhood as this, a bad enough name; and I must confess +there is a woman living in it, with teeth long enough, and white +enough too, for the lineal descendant of the greatest ogre that +ever was made. I think you had better not go near her." + +In such talk as this the night wore on. When supper was +finished, which lasted some time, my hostess conducted me to my +chamber. + +"If you had not had enough of it already," she said, "I would +have put you in another room, which looks towards the forest; and +where you would most likely have seen something more of its +inhabitants. For they frequently pass the window, and even enter +the room sometimes. Strange creatures spend whole nights in it, +at certain seasons of the year. I am used to it, and do not mind +it. No more does my little girl, who sleeps in it always. But +this room looks southward towards the open country, and they +never show themselves here; at least I never saw any." + +I was somewhat sorry not to gather any experience that I might +have, of the inhabitants of Fairy Land; but the effect of the +farmer's company, and of my own later adventures, was such, that +I chose rather an undisturbed night in my more human quarters; +which, with their clean white curtains and white linen, were very +inviting to my weariness. + +In the morning I awoke refreshed, after a profound and dreamless +sleep. The sun was high, when I looked out of the window, +shining over a wide, undulating, cultivated country. Various +garden-vegetables were growing beneath my window. Everything was +radiant with clear sunlight. The dew-drops were sparkling their +busiest; the cows in a near-by field were eating as if they had +not been at it all day yesterday; the maids were singing at their +work as they passed to and fro between the out-houses: I did not +believe in Fairy Land. I went down, and found the family already +at breakfast. But before I entered the room where they sat, the +little girl came to me, and looked up in my face, as though she +wanted to say something to me. I stooped towards her; she put +her arms round my neck, and her mouth to my ear, and whispered-- + +"A white lady has been flitting about the house all night." + +"No whispering behind doors!" cried the farmer; and we entered +together. "Well, how have you slept? No bogies, eh?" + +"Not one, thank you; I slept uncommonly well." + +"I am glad to hear it. Come and breakfast." + +After breakfast, the farmer and his son went out; and I was left +alone with the mother and daughter. + +"When I looked out of the window this morning," I said, "I felt +almost certain that Fairy Land was all a delusion of my brain; +but whenever I come near you or your little daughter, I feel +differently. Yet I could persuade myself, after my last +adventures, to go back, and have nothing more to do with such +strange beings." + +"How will you go back?" said the woman. + +"Nay, that I do not know." + +"Because I have heard, that, for those who enter Fairy Land, +there is no way of going back. They must go on, and go through +it. How, I do not in the least know." + +"That is quite the impression on my own mind. Something compels +me to go on, as if my only path was onward, but I feel less +inclined this morning to continue my adventures." + +"Will you come and see my little child's room? She sleeps in the +one I told you of, looking towards the forest." + +"Willingly," I said. + +So we went together, the little girl running before to open the +door for us. It was a large room, full of old-fashioned +furniture, that seemed to have once belonged to some great house. + +The window was built with a low arch, and filled with +lozenge-shaped panes. The wall was very thick, and built of +solid stone. I could see that part of the house had been erected +against the remains of some old castle or abbey, or other great +building; the fallen stones of which had probably served to +complete it. But as soon as I looked out of the window, a gush +of wonderment and longing flowed over my soul like the tide of a +great sea. Fairy Land lay before me, and drew me towards it with +an irresistible attraction. The trees bathed their great heads +in the waves of the morning, while their roots were planted deep +in gloom; save where on the borders the sunshine broke against +their stems, or swept in long streams through their avenues, +washing with brighter hue all the leaves over which it flowed; +revealing the rich brown of the decayed leaves and fallen +pine-cones, and the delicate greens of the long grasses and tiny +forests of moss that covered the channel over which it passed in +motionless rivers of light. I turned hurriedly to bid my hostess +farewell without further delay. She smiled at my haste, but with +an anxious look. + +"You had better not go near the house of the ogre, I think. My +son will show you into another path, which will join the first +beyond it." + +Not wishing to be headstrong or too confident any more, I agreed; +and having taken leave of my kind entertainers, went into the +wood, accompanied by the youth. He scarcely spoke as we went +along; but he led me through the trees till we struck upon a +path. He told me to follow it, and, with a muttered "good +morning" left me. + + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +"I am a part of the part, which at first was the whole." + GOETHE.--Mephistopheles in Faust. + +My spirits rose as I went deeper; into the forest; but I could +not regain my former elasticity of mind. I found cheerfulness to +be like life itself--not to be created by any argument. +Afterwards I learned, that the best way to manage some kinds of +pain fill thoughts, is to dare them to do their worst; to let +them lie and gnaw at your heart till they are tired; and you find +you still have a residue of life they cannot kill. So, better +and worse, I went on, till I came to a little clearing in the +forest. In the middle of this clearing stood a long, low hut, +built with one end against a single tall cypress, which rose like +a spire to the building. A vague misgiving crossed my mind when +I saw it; but I must needs go closer, and look through a little +half-open door, near the opposite end from the cypress. Window I +saw none. On peeping in, and looking towards the further end, I +saw a lamp burning, with a dim, reddish flame, and the head of a +woman, bent downwards, as if reading by its light. I could see +nothing more for a few moments. At length, as my eyes got used +to the dimness of the place, I saw that the part of the rude +building near me was used for household purposes; for several +rough utensils lay here and there, and a bed stood in the corner. + +An irresistible attraction caused me to enter. The woman never +raised her face, the upper part of which alone I could see +distinctly; but, as soon as I stepped within the threshold, she +began to read aloud, in a low and not altogether unpleasing +voice, from an ancient little volume which she held open with one +hand on the table upon which stood the lamp. What she read was +something like this: + +"So, then, as darkness had no beginning, neither will it ever +have an end. So, then, is it eternal. The negation of aught +else, is its affirmation. Where the light cannot come, there +abideth the darkness. The light doth but hollow a mine out of +the infinite extension of the darkness. And ever upon the steps +of the light treadeth the darkness; yea, springeth in fountains +and wells amidst it, from the secret channels of its mighty sea. +Truly, man is but a passing flame, moving unquietly amid the +surrounding rest of night; without which he yet could not be, and +whereof he is in part compounded." + +As I drew nearer, and she read on, she moved a little to turn a +leaf of the dark old volume, and I saw that her face was sallow +and slightly forbidding. Her forehead was high, and her black +eyes repressedly quiet. But she took no notice of me. This end +of the cottage, if cottage it could be called, was destitute of +furniture, except the table with the lamp, and the chair on which +the woman sat. In one corner was a door, apparently of a +cupboard in the wall, but which might lead to a room beyond. +Still the irresistible desire which had made me enter the +building urged me: I must open that door, and see what was +beyond it. I approached, and laid my hand on the rude latch. +Then the woman spoke, but without lifting her head or looking at +me: "You had better not open that door." This was uttered quite +quietly; and she went on with her reading, partly in silence, +partly aloud; but both modes seemed equally intended for herself +alone. The prohibition, however, only increased my desire to +see; and as she took no further notice, I gently opened the door +to its full width, and looked in. At first, I saw nothing worthy +of attention. It seemed a common closet, with shelves on each +hand, on which stood various little necessaries for the humble +uses of a cottage. In one corner stood one or two brooms, in +another a hatchet and other common tools; showing that it was in +use every hour of the day for household purposes. But, as I +looked, I saw that there were no shelves at the back, and that an +empty space went in further; its termination appearing to be a +faintly glimmering wall or curtain, somewhat less, however, than +the width and height of the doorway where I stood. But, as I +continued looking, for a few seconds, towards this faintly +luminous limit, my eyes came into true relation with their +object. All at once, with such a shiver as when one is suddenly +conscious of the presence of another in a room where he has, for +hours, considered himself alone, I saw that the seemingly +luminous extremity was a sky, as of night, beheld through the +long perspective of a narrow, dark passage, through what, or +built of what, I could not tell. As I gazed, I clearly discerned +two or three stars glimmering faintly in the distant blue. But, +suddenly, and as if it had been running fast from a far distance +for this very point, and had turned the corner without abating +its swiftness, a dark figure sped into and along the passage from +the blue opening at the remote end. I started back and +shuddered, but kept looking, for I could not help it. On and on +it came, with a speedy approach but delayed arrival; till, at +last, through the many gradations of approach, it seemed to come +within the sphere of myself, rushed up to me, and passed me into +the cottage. All I could tell of its appearance was, that it +seemed to be a dark human figure. Its motion was entirely +noiseless, and might be called a gliding, were it not that it +appeared that of a runner, but with ghostly feet. I had moved +back yet a little to let him pass me, and looked round after him +instantly. I could not see him. + +"Where is he?" I said, in some alarm, to the woman, who still sat +reading. + +"There, on the floor, behind you," she said, pointing with her +arm half-outstretched, but not lifting her eyes. I turned and +looked, but saw nothing. Then with a feeling that there was yet +something behind me, I looked round over my shoulder; and there, +on the ground, lay a black shadow, the size of a man. It was so +dark, that I could see it in the dim light of the lamp, which +shone full upon it, apparently without thinning at all the +intensity of its hue. + +"I told you," said the woman, "you had better not look into that +closet." + +"What is it?" I said, with a growing sense of horror. + +"It is only your shadow that has found you," she replied. +Everybody's shadow is ranging up and down looking for him. I +believe you call it by a different name in your world: yours has +found you, as every person's is almost certain to do who looks +into that closet, especially after meeting one in the forest, +whom I dare say you have met." + +Here, for the first time, she lifted her head, and looked full at +me: her mouth was full of long, white, shining teeth; and I knew +that I was in the house of the ogre. I could not speak, but +turned and left the house, with the shadow at my heels. "A nice +sort of valet to have," I said to myself bitterly, as I stepped +into the sunshine, and, looking over my shoulder, saw that it lay +yet blacker in the full blaze of the sunlight. Indeed, only when +I stood between it and the sun, was the blackness at all +diminished. I was so bewildered-- stunned--both by the event +itself and its suddenness, that I could not at all realise to +myself what it would be to have such a constant and strange +attendance; but with a dim conviction that my present dislike +would soon grow to loathing, I took my dreary way through the +wood. + + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + "O lady! we receive but what we give, + And in our life alone does nature live: + Ours is her wedding garments ours her shrorwd! + . . . . . + Ah! from the soul itself must issue forth, + A light, a glory, a fair luminous cloud, + + Enveloping the Earth-- + And from the soul itself must there be sent + A sweet and potent voice of its own birth, + Of all sweet sounds the life and element!" + COLERIDGE. + +From this time, until I arrived at the palace of Fairy Land, I +can attempt no consecutive account of my wanderings and +adventures. Everything, henceforward, existed for me in its +relation to my attendant. What influence he exercised upon +everything into contact with which I was brought, may be +understood from a few detached instances. To begin with this +very day on which he first joined me: after I had walked +heartlessly along for two or three hours, I was very weary, and +lay down to rest in a most delightful part of the forest, +carpeted with wild flowers. I lay for half an hour in a dull +repose, and then got up to pursue my way. The flowers on the +spot where I had lain were crushed to the earth: but I saw that +they would soon lift their heads and rejoice again in the sun and +air. Not so those on which my shadow had lain. The very outline +of it could be traced in the withered lifeless grass, and the +scorched and shrivelled flowers which stood there, dead, and +hopeless of any resurrection. I shuddered, and hastened away +with sad forebodings. + +In a few days, I had reason to dread an extension of its baleful +influences from the fact, that it was no longer confined to one +position in regard to myself. Hitherto, when seized with an +irresistible desire to look on my evil demon (which longing would +unaccountably seize me at any moment, returning at longer or +shorter intervals, sometimes every minute), I had to turn my head +backwards, and look over my shoulder; in which position, as long +as I could retain it, I was fascinated. But one day, having come +out on a clear grassy hill, which commanded a glorious prospect, +though of what I cannot now tell, my shadow moved round, and came +in front of me. And, presently, a new manifestation increased my +distress. For it began to coruscate, and shoot out on all sides +a radiation of dim shadow. These rays of gloom issued from the +central shadow as from a black sun, lengthening and shortening +with continual change. But wherever a ray struck, that part of +earth, or sea, or sky, became void, and desert, and sad to my +heart. On this, the first development of its new power, one ray +shot out beyond the rest, seeming to lengthen infinitely, until +it smote the great sun on the face, which withered and darkened +beneath the blow. I turned away and went on. The shadow +retreated to its former position; and when I looked again, it had +drawn in all its spears of darkness, and followed like a dog at +my heels. + +Once, as I passed by a cottage, there came out a lovely fairy +child, with two wondrous toys, one in each hand. The one was the +tube through which the fairy-gifted poet looks when he beholds +the same thing everywhere; the other that through which he looks +when he combines into new forms of loveliness those images of +beauty which his own choice has gathered from all regions wherein +he has travelled. Round the child's head was an aureole of +emanating rays. As I looked at him in wonder and delight, round +crept from behind me the something dark, and the child stood in +my shadow. Straightway he was a commonplace boy, with a rough +broad-brimmed straw hat, through which brim the sun shone from +behind. The toys he carried were a multiplying-glass and a +kaleidoscope. I sighed and departed. + +One evening, as a great silent flood of western gold flowed +through an avenue in the woods, down the stream, just as when I +saw him first, came the sad knight, riding on his chestnut steed. + +But his armour did not shine half so red as when I saw him first. + +Many a blow of mighty sword and axe, turned aside by the strength +of his mail, and glancing adown the surface, had swept from its +path the fretted rust, and the glorious steel had answered the +kindly blow with the thanks of returning light. These streaks +and spots made his armour look like the floor of a forest in the +sunlight. His forehead was higher than before, for the +contracting wrinkles were nearly gone; and the sadness that +remained on his face was the sadness of a dewy summer twilight, +not that of a frosty autumn morn. He, too, had met the +Alder-maiden as I, but he had plunged into the torrent of mighty +deeds, and the stain was nearly washed away. No shadow followed +him. He had not entered the dark house; he had not had time to +open the closet door. "Will he ever look in?" I said to myself. +"MUST his shadow find him some day?" But I could not answer my +own questions. + +We travelled together for two days, and I began to love him. It +was plain that he suspected my story in some degree; and I saw +him once or twice looking curiously and anxiously at my attendant +gloom, which all this time had remained very obsequiously behind +me; but I offered no explanation, and he asked none. Shame at my +neglect of his warning, and a horror which shrunk from even +alluding to its cause, kept me silent; till, on the evening of +the second day, some noble words from my companion roused all my +heart; and I was at the point of falling on his neck, and telling +him the whole story; seeking, if not for helpful advice, for of +that I was hopeless, yet for the comfort of sympathy--when round +slid the shadow and inwrapt my friend; and I could not trust him. + +The glory of his brow vanished; the light of his eye grew cold; +and I held my peace. The next morning we parted. + +But the most dreadful thing of all was, that I now began to feel +something like satisfaction in the presence of the shadow. I +began to be rather vain of my attendant, saying to myself, "In a +land like this, with so many illusions everywhere, I need his aid +to disenchant the things around me. He does away with all +appearances, and shows me things in their true colour and form. +And I am not one to be fooled with the vanities of the common +crowd. I will not see beauty where there is none. I will dare +to behold things as they are. And if I live in a waste instead +of a paradise, I will live knowing where I live." But of this a +certain exercise of his power which soon followed quite cured me, +turning my feelings towards him once more into loathing and +distrust. It was thus: + +One bright noon, a little maiden joined me, coming through the +wood in a direction at right angles to my path. She came along +singing and dancing, happy as a child, though she seemed almost a +woman. In her hands--now in one, now in another--she carried a +small globe, bright and clear as the purest crystal. This seemed +at once her plaything and her greatest treasure. At one moment, +you would have thought her utterly careless of it, and at +another, overwhelmed with anxiety for its safety. But I believe +she was taking care of it all the time, perhaps not least when +least occupied about it. She stopped by me with a smile, and +bade me good day with the sweetest voice. I felt a wonderful +liking to the child--for she produced on me more the impression +of a child, though my understanding told me differently. We +talked a little, and then walked on together in the direction I +had been pursuing. I asked her about the globe she carried, but +getting no definite answer, I held out my hand to take it. She +drew back, and said, but smiling almost invitingly the while, +"You must not touch it;"--then, after a moment's pause--"Or if +you do, it must be very gently." I touched it with a finger. A +slight vibratory motion arose in it, accompanied, or perhaps +manifested, by a faint sweet sound. I touched it again, and the +sound increased. I touched it the third time: a tiny torrent of +harmony rolled out of the little globe. She would not let me +touch it any more. + +We travelled on together all that day. She left me when twilight +came on; but next day, at noon, she met me as before, and again +we travelled till evening. The third day she came once more at +noon, and we walked on together. Now, though we had talked about +a great many things connected with Fairy Land, and the life she +had led hitherto, I had never been able to learn anything about +the globe. This day, however, as we went on, the shadow glided +round and inwrapt the maiden. It could not change her. But my +desire to know about the globe, which in his gloom began to waver +as with an inward light, and to shoot out flashes of +many-coloured flame, grew irresistible. I put out both my hands +and laid hold of it. It began to sound as before. The sound +rapidly increased, till it grew a low tempest of harmony, and the +globe trembled, and quivered, and throbbed between my hands. I +had not the heart to pull it away from the maiden, though I held +it in spite of her attempts to take it from me; yes, I shame to +say, in spite of her prayers, and, at last, her tears. The music +went on growing in, intensity and complication of tones, and the +globe vibrated and heaved; till at last it burst in our hands, +and a black vapour broke upwards from out of it; then turned, as +if blown sideways, and enveloped the maiden, hiding even the +shadow in its blackness. She held fast the fragments, which I +abandoned, and fled from me into the forest in the direction +whence she had come, wailing like a child, and crying, "You have +broken my globe; my globe is broken--my globe is broken!" I +followed her, in the hope of comforting her; but had not pursued +her far, before a sudden cold gust of wind bowed the tree-tops +above us, and swept through their stems around us; a great cloud +overspread the day, and a fierce tempest came on, in which I lost +sight of her. It lies heavy on my heart to this hour. At night, +ere I fall asleep, often, whatever I may be thinking about, I +suddenly hear her voice, crying out, "You have broken my globe; +my globe is broken; ah, my globe!" + +Here I will mention one more strange thing; but whether this +peculiarity was owing to my shadow at all, I am not able to +assure myself. I came to a village, the inhabitants of which +could not at first sight be distinguished from the dwellers in +our land. They rather avoided than sought my company, though +they were very pleasant when I addressed them. But at last I +observed, that whenever I came within a certain distance of any +one of them, which distance, however, varied with different +individuals, the whole appearance of the person began to change; +and this change increased in degree as I approached. When I +receded to the former distance, the former appearance was +restored. The nature of the change was grotesque, following no +fixed rule. The nearest resemblance to it that I know, is the +distortion produced in your countenance when you look at it as +reflected in a concave or convex surface--say, either side of a +bright spoon. Of this phenomenon I first became aware in rather +a ludicrous way. My host's daughter was a very pleasant pretty +girl, who made herself more agreeable to me than most of those +about me. For some days my companion-shadow had been less +obtrusive than usual; and such was the reaction of spirits +occasioned by the simple mitigation of torment, that, although I +had cause enough besides to be gloomy, I felt light and +comparatively happy. My impression is, that she was quite aware +of the law of appearances that existed between the people of the +place and myself, and had resolved to amuse herself at my +expense; for one evening, after some jesting and raillery, she, +somehow or other, provoked me to attempt to kiss her. But she +was well defended from any assault of the kind. Her countenance +became, of a sudden, absurdly hideous; the pretty mouth was +elongated and otherwise amplified sufficiently to have allowed of +six simultaneous kisses. I started back in bewildered dismay; +she burst into the merriest fit of laughter, and ran from the +room. I soon found that the same undefinable law of change +operated between me and all the other villagers; and that, to +feel I was in pleasant company, it was absolutely necessary for +me to discover and observe the right focal distance between +myself and each one with whom I had to do. This done, all went +pleasantly enough. Whether, when I happened to neglect this +precaution, I presented to them an equally ridiculous appearance, +I did not ascertain; but I presume that the alteration was common +to the approximating parties. I was likewise unable to determine +whether I was a necessary party to the production of this strange +transformation, or whether it took place as well, under the given +circumstances, between the inhabitants themselves. + + + + + + CHAPTER X + + "From Eden's bowers the full-fed rivers flow, + To guide the outcasts to the land of woe: + Our Earth one little toiling streamlet yields. + To guide the wanderers to the happy fields." + + After leaving this village, where I had rested for nearly a +week, I travelled through a desert region of dry sand and +glittering rocks, peopled principally by goblin-fairies. When I +first entered their domains, and, indeed, whenever I fell in with +another tribe of them, they began mocking me with offered +handfuls of gold and jewels, making hideous grimaces at me, and +performing the most antic homage, as if they thought I expected +reverence, and meant to humour me like a maniac. But ever, as +soon as one cast his eyes on the shadow behind me, he made a wry +face, partly of pity, partly of contempt, and looked ashamed, as +if he had been caught doing something inhuman; then, throwing +down his handful of gold, and ceasing all his grimaces, he stood +aside to let me pass in peace, and made signs to his companions +to do the like. I had no inclination to observe them much, for +the shadow was in my heart as well as at my heels. I walked +listlessly and almost hopelessly along, till I arrived one day at +a small spring; which, bursting cool from the heart of a +sun-heated rock, flowed somewhat southwards from the direction I +had been taking. I drank of this spring, and found myself +wonderfully refreshed. A kind of love to the cheerful little +stream arose in my heart. It was born in a desert; but it seemed +to say to itself, "I will flow, and sing, and lave my banks, till +I make my desert a paradise." I thought I could not do better +than follow it, and see what it made of it. So down with the +stream I went, over rocky lands, burning with sunbeams. But the +rivulet flowed not far, before a few blades of grass appeared on +its banks, and then, here and there, a stunted bush. Sometimes +it disappeared altogether under ground; and after I had wandered +some distance, as near as I could guess, in the direction it +seemed to take, I would suddenly hear it again, singing, +sometimes far away to my right or left, amongst new rocks, over +which it made new cataracts of watery melodies. The verdure on +its banks increased as it flowed; other streams joined it; and at +last, after many days' travel, I found myself, one gorgeous +summer evening, resting by the side of a broad river, with a +glorious horse-chestnut tree towering above me, and dropping its +blossoms, milk-white and rosy-red, all about me. As I sat, a +gush of joy sprang forth in my heart, and over flowed at my eyes. + +Through my tears, the whole landscape glimmered in such +bewildering loveliness, that I felt as if I were entering Fairy +Land for the first time, and some loving hand were waiting to +cool my head, and a loving word to warm my heart. Roses, wild +roses, everywhere! So plentiful were they, they not only +perfumed the air, they seemed to dye it a faint rose-hue. The +colour floated abroad with the scent, and clomb, and spread, +until the whole west blushed and glowed with the gathered incense +of roses. And my heart fainted with longing in my bosom. + +Could I but see the Spirit of the Earth, as I saw once the in +dwelling woman of the beech-tree, and my beauty of the pale +marble, I should be content. Content!--Oh, how gladly would I +die of the light of her eyes! Yea, I would cease to be, if that +would bring me one word of love from the one mouth. The twilight +sank around, and infolded me with sleep. I slept as I had not +slept for months. I did not awake till late in the morning; +when, refreshed in body and mind, I rose as from the death that +wipes out the sadness of life, and then dies itself in the new +morrow. Again I followed the stream; now climbing a steep rocky +bank that hemmed it in; now wading through long grasses and wild +flowers in its path; now through meadows; and anon through woods +that crowded down to the very lip of the water. + +At length, in a nook of the river, gloomy with the weight of +overhanging foliage, and still and deep as a soul in which the +torrent eddies of pain have hollowed a great gulf, and then, +subsiding in violence, have left it full of a motionless, +fathomless sorrow--I saw a little boat lying. So still was the +water here, that the boat needed no fastening. It lay as if some +one had just stepped ashore, and would in a moment return. But +as there were no signs of presence, and no track through the +thick bushes; and, moreover, as I was in Fairy Land where one +does very much as he pleases, I forced my way to the brink, +stepped into the boat, pushed it, with the help of the +tree-branches, out into the stream, lay down in the bottom, and +let my boat and me float whither the stream would carry us. I +seemed to lose myself in the great flow of sky above me unbroken +in its infinitude, except when now and then, coming nearer the +shore at a bend in the river, a tree would sweep its mighty head +silently above mine, and glide away back into the past, never +more to fling its shadow over me. I fell asleep in this cradle, +in which mother Nature was rocking her weary child; and while I +slept, the sun slept not, but went round his arched way. When I +awoke, he slept in the waters, and I went on my silent path +beneath a round silvery moon. And a pale moon looked up from the +floor of the great blue cave that lay in the abysmal silence +beneath. + +Why are all reflections lovelier than what we call the +reality?--not so grand or so strong, it may be, but always +lovelier? Fair as is the gliding sloop on the shining sea, the +wavering, trembling, unresting sail below is fairer still. Yea, +the reflecting ocean itself, reflected in the mirror, has a +wondrousness about its waters that somewhat vanishes when I turn +towards itself. All mirrors are magic mirrors. The commonest +room is a room in a poem when I turn to the glass. (And this +reminds me, while I write, of a strange story which I read in the +fairy palace, and of which I will try to make a feeble memorial +in its place.) In whatever way it may be accounted for, of one +thing we may be sure, that this feeling is no cheat; for there is +no cheating in nature and the simple unsought feelings of the +soul. There must be a truth involved in it, though we may but in +part lay hold of the meaning. Even the memories of past pain are +beautiful; and past delights, though beheld only through clefts +in the grey clouds of sorrow, are lovely as Fairy Land. But how +have I wandered into the deeper fairyland of the soul, while as +yet I only float towards the fairy palace of Fairy Land! The +moon, which is the lovelier memory or reflex of the down-gone +sun, the joyous day seen in the faint mirror of the brooding +night, had rapt me away. + +I sat up in the boat. Gigantic forest trees were about me; +through which, like a silver snake, twisted and twined the great +river. The little waves, when I moved in the boat, heaved and +fell with a plash as of molten silver, breaking the image of the +moon into a thousand morsels, fusing again into one, as the +ripples of laughter die into the still face of joy. The sleeping +woods, in undefined massiveness; the water that flowed in its +sleep; and, above all, the enchantress moon, which had cast them +all, with her pale eye, into the charmed slumber, sank into my +soul, and I felt as if I had died in a dream, and should never +more awake. + +From this I was partly aroused by a glimmering of white, that, +through the trees on the left, vaguely crossed my vision, as I +gazed upwards. But the trees again hid the object; and at the +moment, some strange melodious bird took up its song, and sang, +not an ordinary bird-song, with constant repetitions of the same +melody, but what sounded like a continuous strain, in which one +thought was expressed, deepening in intensity as evolved in +progress. It sounded like a welcome already overshadowed with +the coming farewell. As in all sweetest music, a tinge of +sadness was in every note. Nor do we know how much of the +pleasures even of life we owe to the intermingled sorrows. Joy +cannot unfold the deepest truths, although deepest truth must be +deepest joy. Cometh white-robed Sorrow, stooping and wan, and +flingeth wide the doors she may not enter. Almost we linger with +Sorrow for very love. + +As the song concluded the stream bore my little boat with a +gentle sweep round a bend of the river; and lo! on a broad lawn, +which rose from the water's edge with a long green slope to a +clear elevation from which the trees receded on all sides, stood +a stately palace glimmering ghostly in the moonshine: it seemed +to be built throughout of the whitest marble. There was no +reflection of moonlight from windows--there seemed to be none; so +there was no cold glitter; only, as I said, a ghostly shimmer. +Numberless shadows tempered the shine, from column and balcony +and tower. For everywhere galleries ran along the face of the +buildings; wings were extended in many directions; and numberless +openings, through which the moonbeams vanished into the interior, +and which served both for doors and windows, had their separate +balconies in front, communicating with a common gallery that rose +on its own pillars. Of course, I did not discover all this from +the river, and in the moonlight. But, though I was there for +many days, I did not succeed in mastering the inner topography of +the building, so extensive and complicated was it. + +Here I wished to land, but the boat had no oars on board. +However, I found that a plank, serving for a seat, was +unfastened, and with that I brought the boat to the bank and +scrambled on shore. Deep soft turf sank beneath my feet, as I +went up the ascent towards the palace. + +When I reached it, I saw that it stood on a great platform of +marble, with an ascent, by broad stairs of the same, all round +it. Arrived on the platform, I found there was an extensive +outlook over the forest, which, however, was rather veiled than +revealed by the moonlight. + +Entering by a wide gateway, but without gates, into an inner +court, surrounded on all sides by great marble pillars supporting +galleries above, I saw a large fountain of porphyry in the +middle, throwing up a lofty column of water, which fell, with a +noise as of the fusion of all sweet sounds, into a basin beneath; +overflowing which, it ran into a single channel towards the +interior of the building. Although the moon was by this time so +low in the west, that not a ray of her light fell into the court, +over the height of the surrounding buildings; yet was the court +lighted by a second reflex from the sun of other lands. For the +top of the column of water, just as it spread to fall, caught the +moonbeams, and like a great pale lamp, hung high in the night +air, threw a dim memory of light (as it were) over the court +below. This court was paved in diamonds of white and red marble. +According to my custom since I entered Fairy Land, of taking for +a guide whatever I first found moving in any direction, I +followed the stream from the basin of the fountain. It led me to +a great open door, beneath the ascending steps of which it ran +through a low arch and disappeared. Entering here, I found +myself in a great hall, surrounded with white pillars, and paved +with black and white. This I could see by the moonlight, which, +from the other side, streamed through open windows into the hall. + +Its height I could not distinctly see. As soon as I entered, I +had the feeling so common to me in the woods, that there were +others there besides myself, though I could see no one, and heard +no sound to indicate a presence. Since my visit to the Church of +Darkness, my power of seeing the fairies of the higher orders had +gradually diminished, until it had almost ceased. But I could +frequently believe in their presence while unable to see them. +Still, although I had company, and doubtless of a safe kind, it +seemed rather dreary to spend the night in an empty marble hall, +however beautiful, especially as the moon was near the going +down, and it would soon be dark. So I began at the place where I +entered, and walked round the hall, looking for some door or +passage that might lead me to a more hospitable chamber. As I +walked, I was deliciously haunted with the feeling that behind +some one of the seemingly innumerable pillars, one who loved me +was waiting for me. Then I thought she was following me from +pillar to pillar as I went along; but no arms came out of the +faint moonlight, and no sigh assured me of her presence. + +At length I came to an open corridor, into which I turned; +notwithstanding that, in doing so, I left the light behind. +Along this I walked with outstretched hands, groping my way, +till, arriving at another corridor, which seemed to strike off at +right angles to that in which I was, I saw at the end a faintly +glimmering light, too pale even for moonshine, resembling rather +a stray phosphorescence. However, where everything was white, a +little light went a great way. So I walked on to the end, and a +long corridor it was. When I came up to the light, I found that +it proceeded from what looked like silver letters upon a door of +ebony; and, to my surprise even in the home of wonder itself, the +letters formed the words, THE CHAMBER OF SIR ANODOS. Although I +had as yet no right to the honours of a knight, I ventured to +conclude that the chamber was indeed intended for me; and, +opening the door without hesitation, I entered. Any doubt as to +whether I was right in so doing, was soon dispelled. What to my +dark eyes seemed a blaze of light, burst upon me. A fire of +large pieces of some sweet-scented wood, supported by dogs of +silver, was burning on the hearth, and a bright lamp stood on a +table, in the midst of a plentiful meal, apparently awaiting my +arrival. But what surprised me more than all, was, that the room +was in every respect a copy of my own room, the room whence the +little stream from my basin had led me into Fairy Land. There +was the very carpet of grass and moss and daisies, which I had +myself designed; the curtains of pale blue silk, that fell like a +cataract over the windows; the old- fashioned bed, with the +chintz furniture, on which I had slept from boyhood. "Now I +shall sleep," I said to myself. "My shadow dares not come here." + +I sat down to the table, and began to help myself to the good +things before me with confidence. And now I found, as in many +instances before, how true the fairy tales are; for I was waited +on, all the time of my meal, by invisible hands. I had scarcely +to do more than look towards anything I wanted, when it was +brought me, just as if it had come to me of itself. My glass was +kept filled with the wine I had chosen, until I looked towards +another bottle or decanter; when a fresh glass was substituted, +and the other wine supplied. When I had eaten and drank more +heartily and joyfully than ever since I entered Fairy Land, the +whole was removed by several attendants, of whom some were male +and some female, as I thought I could distinguish from the way +the dishes were lifted from the table, and the motion with which +they were carried out of the room. As soon as they were all +taken away, I heard a sound as of the shutting of a door, and +knew that I was left alone. I sat long by the fire, meditating, +and wondering how it would all end; and when at length, wearied +with thinking, I betook myself to my own bed, it was half with a +hope that, when I awoke in the morning, I should awake not only +in my own room, but in my own castle also; and that I should +walk, out upon my own native soil, and find that Fairy Land was, +after all, only a vision of the night. The sound of the falling +waters of the fountain floated me into oblivion. + + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + "A wilderness of building, sinking far + And self-withdrawn into a wondrous depth, + Far sinking into splendour--without end: + Fabric it seemed of diamond and of gold, + With alabaster domes, and silver spires, + And blazing terrace upon terrace, high + Uplifted." + WORDSWORTH. + +But when, after a sleep, which, although dreamless, yet left +behind it a sense of past blessedness, I awoke in the full +morning, I found, indeed, that the room was still my own; but +that it looked abroad upon an unknown landscape of forest and +hill and dale on the one side--and on the other, upon the marble +court, with the great fountain, the crest of which now flashed +glorious in the sun, and cast on the pavement beneath a shower of +faint shadows from the waters that fell from it into the marble +basin below. + +Agreeably to all authentic accounts of the treatment of +travellers in Fairy Land, I found by my bedside a complete suit +of fresh clothing, just such as I was in the habit of wearing; +for, though varied sufficiently from the one removed, it was yet +in complete accordance with my tastes. I dressed myself in this, +and went out. The whole palace shone like silver in the sun. +The marble was partly dull and partly polished; and every +pinnacle, dome, and turret ended in a ball, or cone, or cusp of +silver. It was like frost-work, and too dazzling, in the sun, +for earthly eyes like mine. + +I will not attempt to describe the environs, save by saying, that +all the pleasures to be found in the most varied and artistic +arrangement of wood and river, lawn and wild forest, garden and +shrubbery, rocky hill and luxurious vale; in living creatures +wild and tame, in gorgeous birds, scattered fountains, little +streams, and reedy lakes-- all were here. Some parts of the +palace itself I shall have occasion to describe more minutely. + +For this whole morning I never thought of my demon shadow; and +not till the weariness which supervened on delight brought it +again to my memory, did I look round to see if it was behind me: +it was scarcely discernible. But its presence, however faintly +revealed, sent a pang to my heart, for the pain of which, not all +the beauties around me could compensate. It was followed, +however, by the comforting reflection that, peradventure, I might +here find the magic word of power to banish the demon and set me +free, so that I should no longer be a man beside myself. The +Queen of Fairy Land, thought I, must dwell here: surely she will +put forth her power to deliver me, and send me singing through +the further gates of her country back to my own land. "Shadow of +me!" I said; "which art not me, but which representest thyself to +me as me; here I may find a shadow of light which will devour +thee, the shadow of darkness! Here I may find a blessing which +will fall on thee as a curse, and damn thee to the blackness +whence thou hast emerged unbidden." I said this, stretched at +length on the slope of the lawn above the river; and as the hope +arose within me, the sun came forth from a light fleecy cloud +that swept across his face; and hill and dale, and the great +river winding on through the still mysterious forest, flashed +back his rays as with a silent shout of joy; all nature lived and +glowed; the very earth grew warm beneath me; a magnificent +dragon-fly went past me like an arrow from a bow, and a whole +concert of birds burst into choral song. + +The heat of the sun soon became too intense even for passive +support. I therefore rose, and sought the shelter of one of the +arcades. Wandering along from one to another of these, wherever +my heedless steps led me, and wondering everywhere at the simple +magnificence of the building, I arrived at another hall, the roof +of which was of a pale blue, spangled with constellations of +silver stars, and supported by porphyry pillars of a paler red +than ordinary.--In this house (I may remark in passing), silver +seemed everywhere preferred to gold; and such was the purity of +the air, that it showed nowhere signs of tarnishing.--The whole +of the floor of this hall, except a narrow path behind the +pillars, paved with black, was hollowed into a huge basin, many +feet deep, and filled with the purest, most liquid and radiant +water. The sides of the basin were white marble, and the bottom +was paved with all kinds of refulgent stones, of every shape and +hue. + +In their arrangement, you would have supposed, at first sight, +that there was no design, for they seemed to lie as if cast there +from careless and playful hands; but it was a most harmonious +confusion; and as I looked at the play of their colours, +especially when the waters were in motion, I came at last to feel +as if not one little pebble could be displaced, without injuring +the effect of the whole. Beneath this floor of the water, lay +the reflection of the blue inverted roof, fretted with its silver +stars, like a second deeper sea, clasping and upholding the +first. The fairy bath was probably fed from the fountain in the +court. Led by an irresistible desire, I undressed, and plunged +into the water. It clothed me as with a new sense and its object +both in one. The waters lay so close to me, they seemed to enter +and revive my heart. I rose to the surface, shook the water from +my hair, and swam as in a rainbow, amid the coruscations of the +gems below seen through the agitation caused by my motion. Then, +with open eyes, I dived, and swam beneath the surface. And here +was a new wonder. For the basin, thus beheld, appeared to extend +on all sides like a sea, with here and there groups as of ocean +rocks, hollowed by ceaseless billows into wondrous caves and +grotesque pinnacles. Around the caves grew sea-weeds of all +hues, and the corals glowed between; while far off, I saw the +glimmer of what seemed to be creatures of human form at home in +the waters. I thought I had been enchanted; and that when I rose +to the surface, I should find myself miles from land, swimming +alone upon a heaving sea; but when my eyes emerged from the +waters, I saw above me the blue spangled vault, and the red +pillars around. I dived again, and found myself once more in the +heart of a great sea. I then arose, and swam to the edge, where +I got out easily, for the water reached the very brim, and, as I +drew near washed in tiny waves over the black marble border. I +dressed, and went out, deeply refreshed. + +And now I began to discern faint, gracious forms, here and there +throughout the building. Some walked together in earnest +conversation. Others strayed alone. Some stood in groups, as if +looking at and talking about a picture or a statue. None of them +heeded me. Nor were they plainly visible to my eyes. Sometimes +a group, or single individual, would fade entirely out of the +realm of my vision as I gazed. When evening came, and the moon +arose, clear as a round of a horizon-sea when the sun hangs over +it in the west, I began to see them all more plainly; especially +when they came between me and the moon; and yet more especially, +when I myself was in the shade. But, even then, I sometimes saw +only the passing wave of a white robe; or a lovely arm or neck +gleamed by in the moonshine; or white feet went walking alone +over the moony sward. Nor, I grieve to say, did I ever come much +nearer to these glorious beings, or ever look upon the Queen of +the Fairies herself. My destiny ordered otherwise. + +In this palace of marble and silver, and fountains and moonshine, +I spent many days; waited upon constantly in my room with +everything desirable, and bathing daily in the fairy bath. All +this time I was little troubled with my demon shadow I had a +vague feeling that he was somewhere about the palace; but it +seemed as if the hope that I should in this place be finally +freed from his hated presence, had sufficed to banish him for a +time. How and where I found him, I shall soon have to relate. + +The third day after my arrival, I found the library of the +palace; and here, all the time I remained, I spent most of the +middle of the day. For it was, not to mention far greater +attractions, a luxurious retreat from the noontide sun. During +the mornings and afternoons, I wandered about the lovely +neighbourhood, or lay, lost in delicious day-dreams, beneath some +mighty tree on the open lawn. My evenings were by-and-by spent +in a part of the palace, the account of which, and of my +adventures in connection with it, I must yet postpone for a +little. + +The library was a mighty hall, lighted from the roof, which was +formed of something like glass, vaulted over in a single piece, +and stained throughout with a great mysterious picture in +gorgeous colouring. + +The walls were lined from floor to roof with books and books: +most of them in ancient bindings, but some in strange new +fashions which I had never seen, and which, were I to make the +attempt, I could ill describe. All around the walls, in front of +the books, ran galleries in rows, communicating by stairs. These +galleries were built of all kinds of coloured stones; all sorts +of marble and granite, with porphyry, jasper, lapis lazuli, +agate, and various others, were ranged in wonderful melody of +successive colours. Although the material, then, of which these +galleries and stairs were built, rendered necessary a certain +degree of massiveness in the construction, yet such was the size +of the place, that they seemed to run along the walls like cords. + +Over some parts of the library, descended curtains of silk of +various dyes, none of which I ever saw lifted while I was there; +and I felt somehow that it would be presumptuous in me to venture +to look within them. But the use of the other books seemed free; +and day after day I came to the library, threw myself on one of +the many sumptuous eastern carpets, which lay here and there on +the floor, and read, and read, until weary; if that can be +designated as weariness, which was rather the faintness of +rapturous delight; or until, sometimes, the failing of the light +invited me to go abroad, in the hope that a cool gentle breeze +might have arisen to bathe, with an airy invigorating bath, the +limbs which the glow of the burning spirit within had withered no +less than the glow of the blazing sun without. + +One peculiarity of these books, or at least most of those I +looked into, I must make a somewhat vain attempt to describe. + +If, for instance, it was a book of metaphysics I opened, I had +scarcely read two pages before I seemed to myself to be pondering +over discovered truth, and constructing the intellectual machine +whereby to communicate the discovery to my fellow men. With some +books, however, of this nature, it seemed rather as if the +process was removed yet a great way further back; and I was +trying to find the root of a manifestation, the spiritual truth +whence a material vision sprang; or to combine two propositions, +both apparently true, either at once or in different remembered +moods, and to find the point in which their invisibly converging +lines would unite in one, revealing a truth higher than either +and differing from both; though so far from being opposed to +either, that it was that whence each derived its life and power. +Or if the book was one of travels, I found myself the traveller. +New lands, fresh experiences, novel customs, rose around me. I +walked, I discovered, I fought, I suffered, I rejoiced in my +success. Was it a history? I was the chief actor therein. I +suffered my own blame; I was glad in my own praise. With a +fiction it was the same. Mine was the whole story. For I took +the place of the character who was most like myself, and his +story was mine; until, grown weary with the life of years +condensed in an hour, or arrived at my deathbed, or the end of +the volume, I would awake, with a sudden bewilderment, to the +consciousness of my present life, recognising the walls and roof +around me, and finding I joyed or sorrowed only in a book. If +the book was a poem, the words disappeared, or took the +subordinate position of an accompaniment to the succession of +forms and images that rose and vanished with a soundless rhythm, +and a hidden rime. + +In one, with a mystical title, which I cannot recall, I read of a +world that is not like ours. The wondrous account, in such a +feeble, fragmentary way as is possible to me, I would willingly +impart. Whether or not it was all a poem, I cannot tell; but, +from the impulse I felt, when I first contemplated writing it, to +break into rime, to which impulse I shall give way if it comes +upon me again, I think it must have been, partly at least, in +verse. + + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + "Chained is the Spring. The night-wind bold + Blows over the hard earth; + Time is not more confused and cold, + Nor keeps more wintry mirth. + + "Yet blow, and roll the world about; + Blow, Time--blow, winter's Wind! + Through chinks of Time, heaven peepeth out, + And Spring the frost behind." + G. E. M. + +They who believe in the influences of the stars over the fates of +men, are, in feeling at least, nearer the truth than they who +regard the heavenly bodies as related to them merely by a common +obedience to an external law. All that man sees has to do with +man. Worlds cannot be without an intermundane relationship. The +community of the centre of all creation suggests an +interradiating connection and dependence of the parts. Else a +grander idea is conceivable than that which is already imbodied. +The blank, which is only a forgotten life, lying behind the +consciousness, and the misty splendour, which is an undeveloped +life, lying before it, may be full of mysterious revelations of +other connexions with the worlds around us, than those of science +and poetry. No shining belt or gleaming moon, no red and green +glory in a self-encircling twin-star, but has a relation with the +hidden things of a man's soul, and, it may be, with the secret +history of his body as well. They are portions of the living +house wherein he abides. + + Through the realms of the monarch Sun + Creeps a world, whose course had begun, + On a weary path with a weary pace, + Before the Earth sprang forth on her race: + But many a time the Earth had sped + Around the path she still must tread, + Ere the elder planet, on leaden wing, + Once circled the court of the planet's king. + + There, in that lonely and distant star, + The seasons are not as our seasons are; + But many a year hath Autumn to dress + The trees in their matron loveliness; + As long hath old Winter in triumph to go + O'er beauties dead in his vaults below; + And many a year the Spring doth wear + Combing the icicles from her hair; + And Summer, dear Summer, hath years of June, + With large white clouds, and cool showers at noon: + And a beauty that grows to a weight like grief, + Till a burst of tears is the heart's relief. + + Children, born when Winter is king, + May never rejoice in the hoping Spring; + Though their own heart-buds are bursting with joy, + And the child hath grown to the girl or boy; + But may die with cold and icy hours + Watching them ever in place of flowers. + And some who awake from their primal sleep, + When the sighs of Summer through forests creep, + Live, and love, and are loved again; + Seek for pleasure, and find its pain; + Sink to their last, their forsaken sleeping, + With the same sweet odours around them creeping. + +Now the children, there, are not born as the children are born in +worlds nearer to the sun. For they arrive no one knows how. A +maiden, walking alone, hears a cry: for even there a cry is the +first utterance; and searching about, she findeth, under an +overhanging rock, or within a clump of bushes, or, it may be, +betwixt gray stones on the side of a hill, or in any other +sheltered and unexpected spot, a little child. This she taketh +tenderly, and beareth home with joy, calling out, "Mother, +mother"--if so be that her mother lives--"I have got a baby--I +have found a child!" All the household gathers round to +see;--"WHERE IS IT? WHAT IS IT LIKE? WHERE DID YOU FIND IT?" +and such-like questions, abounding. And thereupon she relates +the whole story of the discovery; for by the circumstances, such +as season of the year, time of the day, condition of the air, and +such like, and, especially, the peculiar and never-repeated +aspect of the heavens and earth at the time, and the nature of +the place of shelter wherein it is found, is determined, or at +least indicated, the nature of the child thus discovered. +Therefore, at certain seasons, and in certain states of the +weather, according, in part, to their own fancy, the young women +go out to look for children. They generally avoid seeking them, +though they cannot help sometimes finding them, in places and +with circumstances uncongenial to their peculiar likings. But no +sooner is a child found, than its claim for protection and +nurture obliterates all feeling of choice in the matter. +Chiefly, however, in the season of summer, which lasts so long, +coming as it does after such long intervals; and mostly in the +warm evenings, about the middle of twilight; and principally in +the woods and along the river banks, do the maidens go looking +for children just as children look for flowers. And ever as the +child grows, yea, more and more as he advances in years, will his +face indicate to those who understand the spirit of Nature, and +her utterances in the face of the world, the nature of the place +of his birth, and the other circumstances thereof; whether a +clear morning sun guided his mother to the nook whence issued the +boy's low cry; or at eve the lonely maiden (for the same woman +never finds a second, at least while the first lives) discovers +the girl by the glimmer of her white skin, lying in a nest like +that of the lark, amid long encircling grasses, and the +upward-gazing eyes of the lowly daisies; whether the storm bowed +the forest trees around, or the still frost fixed in silence the +else flowing and babbling stream. + +After they grow up, the men and women are but little together. +There is this peculiar difference between them, which likewise +distinguishes the women from those of the earth. The men alone +have arms; the women have only wings. Resplendent wings are +they, wherein they can shroud themselves from head to foot in a +panoply of glistering glory. By these wings alone, it may +frequently be judged in what seasons, and under what aspects, +they were born. From those that came in winter, go great white +wings, white as snow; the edge of every feather shining like the +sheen of silver, so that they flash and glitter like frost in the +sun. But underneath, they are tinged with a faint pink or rose- +colour. Those born in spring have wings of a brilliant green, +green as grass; and towards the edges the feathers are enamelled +like the surface of the grass-blades. These again are white +within. Those that are born in summer have wings of a deep +rose-colour, lined with pale gold. And those born in autumn have +purple wings, with a rich brown on the inside. But these colours +are modified and altered in all varieties, corresponding to the +mood of the day and hour, as well as the season of the year; and +sometimes I found the various colours so intermingled, that I +could not determine even the season, though doubtless the +hieroglyphic could be deciphered by more experienced eyes. One +splendour, in particular, I remember--wings of deep carmine, with +an inner down of warm gray, around a form of brilliant whiteness. + +She had been found as the sun went down through a low sea- fog, +casting crimson along a broad sea-path into a little cave on the +shore, where a bathing maiden saw her lying. + +But though I speak of sun and fog, and sea and shore, the world +there is in some respects very different from the earth whereon +men live. For instance, the waters reflect no forms. To the +unaccustomed eye they appear, if undisturbed, like the surface of +a dark metal, only that the latter would reflect indistinctly, +whereas they reflect not at all, except light which falls +immediately upon them. This has a great effect in causing the +landscapes to differ from those on the earth. On the stillest +evening, no tall ship on the sea sends a long wavering reflection +almost to the feet of him on shore; the face of no maiden +brightens at its own beauty in a still forest-well. The sun and +moon alone make a glitter on the surface. The sea is like a sea +of death, ready to ingulf and never to reveal: a visible shadow +of oblivion. Yet the women sport in its waters like gorgeous +sea-birds. The men more rarely enter them. But, on the +contrary, the sky reflects everything beneath it, as if it were +built of water like ours. Of course, from its concavity there is +some distortion of the reflected objects; yet wondrous +combinations of form are often to be seen in the overhanging +depth. And then it is not shaped so much like a round dome as +the sky of the earth, but, more of an egg-shape, rises to a great +towering height in the middle, appearing far more lofty than the +other. When the stars come out at night, it shows a mighty +cupola, "fretted with golden fires," wherein there is room for +all tempests to rush and rave. + +One evening in early summer, I stood with a group of men and +women on a steep rock that overhung the sea. They were all +questioning me about my world and the ways thereof. In making +reply to one of their questions, I was compelled to say that +children are not born in the Earth as with them. Upon this I was +assailed with a whole battery of inquiries, which at first I +tried to avoid; but, at last, I was compelled, in the vaguest +manner I could invent, to make some approach to the subject in +question. Immediately a dim notion of what I meant, seemed to +dawn in the minds of most of the women. Some of them folded +their great wings all around them, as they generally do when in +the least offended, and stood erect and motionless. One spread +out her rosy pinions, and flashed from the promontory into the +gulf at its foot. A great light shone in the eyes of one maiden, +who turned and walked slowly away, with her purple and white +wings half dispread behind her. She was found, the next morning, +dead beneath a withered tree on a bare hill-side, some miles +inland. They buried her where she lay, as is their custom; for, +before they die, they instinctively search for a spot like the +place of their birth, and having found one that satisfies them, +they lie down, fold their wings around them, if they be women, or +cross their arms over their breasts, if they are men, just as if +they were going to sleep; and so sleep indeed. The sign or cause +of coming death is an indescribable longing for something, they +know not what, which seizes them, and drives them into solitude, +consuming them within, till the body fails. When a youth and a +maiden look too deep into each other's eyes, this longing seizes +and possesses them; but instead of drawing nearer to each other, +they wander away, each alone, into solitary places, and die of +their desire. But it seems to me, that thereafter they are born +babes upon our earth: where, if, when grown, they find each +other, it goes well with them; if not, it will seem to go ill. +But of this I know nothing. When I told them that the women on +the Earth had not wings like them, but arms, they stared, and +said how bold and masculine they must look; not knowing that +their wings, glorious as they are, are but undeveloped arms. + +But see the power of this book, that, while recounting what I can +recall of its contents, I write as if myself had visited the +far-off planet, learned its ways and appearances, and conversed +with its men and women. And so, while writing, it seemed to me +that I had. + +The book goes on with the story of a maiden, who, born at the +close of autumn, and living in a long, to her endless winter, set +out at last to find the regions of spring; for, as in our earth, +the seasons are divided over the globe. It begins something like +this: + + She watched them dying for many a day, + Dropping from off the old trees away, + One by one; or else in a shower + Crowding over the withered flower + For as if they had done some grievous wrong, + The sun, that had nursed them and loved them so long, + Grew weary of loving, and, turning back, + Hastened away on his southern track; + And helplessly hung each shrivelled leaf, + Faded away with an idle grief. + And the gusts of wind, sad Autumn's sighs, + Mournfully swept through their families; + Casting away with a helpless moan + All that he yet might call his own, + As the child, when his bird is gone for ever, + Flingeth the cage on the wandering river. + And the giant trees, as bare as Death, + Slowly bowed to the great Wind's breath; + And groaned with trying to keep from groaning + Amidst the young trees bending and moaning. + And the ancient planet's mighty sea + Was heaving and falling most restlessly, + And the tops of the waves were broken and white, + Tossing about to ease their might; + And the river was striving to reach the main, + And the ripple was hurrying back again. + Nature lived in sadness now; + Sadness lived on the maiden's brow, + As she watched, with a fixed, half-conscious eye, + One lonely leaf that trembled on high, + Till it dropped at last from the desolate bough-- + Sorrow, oh, sorrow! 'tis winter now. + And her tears gushed forth, though it was but a leaf, + For little will loose the swollen fountain of grief: + When up to the lip the water goes, + It needs but a drop, and it overflows. + + Oh! many and many a dreary year + Must pass away ere the buds appear: + Many a night of darksome sorrow + Yield to the light of a joyless morrow, + Ere birds again, on the clothed trees, + Shall fill the branches with melodies. + She will dream of meadows with wakeful streams; + Of wavy grass in the sunny beams; + Of hidden wells that soundless spring, + Hoarding their joy as a holy thing; + Of founts that tell it all day long + To the listening woods, with exultant song; + She will dream of evenings that die into nights, + Where each sense is filled with its own delights, + And the soul is still as the vaulted sky, + Lulled with an inner harmony; + + And the flowers give out to the dewy night, + Changed into perfume, the gathered light; + And the darkness sinks upon all their host, + Till the sun sail up on the eastern coast-- + She will wake and see the branches bare, + Weaving a net in the frozen air. + + + +The story goes on to tell how, at last, weary with wintriness, +she travelled towards the southern regions of her globe, to meet +the spring on its slow way northwards; and how, after many sad +adventures, many disappointed hopes, and many tears, bitter and +fruitless, she found at last, one stormy afternoon, in a leafless +forest, a single snowdrop growing betwixt the borders of the +winter and spring. She lay down beside it and died. I almost +believe that a child, pale and peaceful as a snowdrop, was born +in the Earth within a fixed season from that stormy afternoon. + + + + + + CHAPTER XIII + "I saw a ship sailing upon the sea + Deeply laden as ship could be; + But not so deep as in love I am + For I care not whether I sink or swim." + Old Ballad. + + "But Love is such a Mystery + I cannot find it out: + For when I think I'm best resols'd, + I then am in most doubt." + SIR JOHN SUCKLING. + +One story I will try to reproduce. But, alas! it is like trying +to reconstruct a forest out of broken branches and withered +leaves. In the fairy book, everything was just as it should be, +though whether in words or something else, I cannot tell. It +glowed and flashed the thoughts upon the soul, with such a power +that the medium disappeared from the consciousness, and it was +occupied only with the things themselves. My representation of +it must resemble a translation from a rich and powerful language, +capable of embodying the thoughts of a splendidly developed +people, into the meagre and half-articulate speech of a savage +tribe. Of course, while I read it, I was Cosmo, and his history +was mine. Yet, all the time, I seemed to have a kind of double +consciousness, and the story a double meaning. Sometimes it +seemed only to represent a simple story of ordinary life, perhaps +almost of universal life; wherein two souls, loving each other +and longing to come nearer, do, after all, but behold each other +as in a glass darkly. + +As through the hard rock go the branching silver veins; as into +the solid land run the creeks and gulfs from the unresting sea; +as the lights and influences of the upper worlds sink silently +through the earth's atmosphere; so doth Faerie invade the world +of men, and sometimes startle the common eye with an association +as of cause and effect, when between the two no connecting links +can be traced. + +Cosmo von Wehrstahl was a student at the University of Prague. +Though of a noble family, he was poor, and prided himself upon +the independence that poverty gives; for what will not a man +pride himself upon, when he cannot get rid of it? A favourite +with his fellow students, he yet had no companions; and none of +them had ever crossed the threshold of his lodging in the top of +one of the highest houses in the old town. Indeed, the secret of +much of that complaisance which recommended him to his fellows, +was the thought of his unknown retreat, whither in the evening he +could betake himself and indulge undisturbed in his own studies +and reveries. These studies, besides those subjects necessary to +his course at the University, embraced some less commonly known +and approved; for in a secret drawer lay the works of Albertus +Magnus and Cornelius Agrippa, along with others less read and +more abstruse. As yet, however, he had followed these researches +only from curiosity, and had turned them to no practical purpose. + +His lodging consisted of one large low-ceiled room, singularly +bare of furniture; for besides a couple of wooden chairs, a couch +which served for dreaming on both by day and night, and a great +press of black oak, there was very little in the room that could +be called furniture. + +But curious instruments were heaped in the corners; and in one +stood a skeleton, half-leaning against the wall, half-supported +by a string about its neck. One of its hands, all of fingers, +rested on the heavy pommel of a great sword that stood beside it. + +Various weapons were scattered about over the floor. The walls +were utterly bare of adornment; for the few strange things, such +as a large dried bat with wings dispread, the skin of a +porcupine, and a stuffed sea-mouse, could hardly be reckoned as +such. But although his fancy delighted in vagaries like these, +he indulged his imagination with far different fare. His mind +had never yet been filled with an absorbing passion; but it lay +like a still twilight open to any wind, whether the low breath +that wafts but odours, or the storm that bows the great trees +till they strain and creak. He saw everything as through a +rose-coloured glass. When he looked from his window on the +street below, not a maiden passed but she moved as in a story, +and drew his thoughts after her till she disappeared in the +vista. When he walked in the streets, he always felt as if +reading a tale, into which he sought to weave every face of +interest that went by; and every sweet voice swept his soul as +with the wing of a passing angel. He was in fact a poet without +words; the more absorbed and endangered, that the +springing-waters were dammed back into his soul, where, finding +no utterance, they grew, and swelled, and undermined. He used to +lie on his hard couch, and read a tale or a poem, till the book +dropped from his hand; but he dreamed on, he knew not whether +awake or asleep, until the opposite roof grew upon his sense, and +turned golden in the sunrise. Then he arose too; and the +impulses of vigorous youth kept him ever active, either in study +or in sport, until again the close of the day left him free; and +the world of night, which had lain drowned in the cataract of the +day, rose up in his soul, with all its stars, and dim-seen +phantom shapes. But this could hardly last long. Some one form +must sooner or later step within the charmed circle, enter the +house of life, and compel the bewildered magician to kneel and +worship. + +One afternoon, towards dusk, he was wandering dreamily in one of +the principal streets, when a fellow student roused him by a slap +on the shoulder, and asked him to accompany him into a little +back alley to look at some old armour which he had taken a fancy +to possess. Cosmo was considered an authority in every matter +pertaining to arms, ancient or modern. In the use of weapons, +none of the students could come near him; and his practical +acquaintance with some had principally contributed to establish +his authority in reference to all. He accompanied him willingly. + +They entered a narrow alley, and thence a dirty little court, +where a low arched door admitted them into a heterogeneous +assemblage of everything musty, and dusty, and old, that could +well be imagined. His verdict on the armour was satisfactory, +and his companion at once concluded the purchase. As they were +leaving the place, Cosmo's eye was attracted by an old mirror of +an elliptical shape, which leaned against the wall, covered with +dust. Around it was some curious carving, which he could see but +very indistinctly by the glimmering light which the owner of the +shop carried in his hand. It was this carving that attracted his +attention; at least so it appeared to him. He left the place, +however, with his friend, taking no further notice of it. They +walked together to the main street, where they parted and took +opposite directions. + +No sooner was Cosmo left alone, than the thought of the curious +old mirror returned to him. A strong desire to see it more +plainly arose within him, and he directed his steps once more +towards the shop.The owner opened the door when he knocked, as if +he had expected him.He was a little, old, withered man, with a +hooked nose, and burning eyes constantly in a slow restless +motion, and looking here and there as if after something that +eluded them. Pretending to examine several other articles, Cosmo +at last approached the mirror, and requested to have it taken +down. + +"Take it down yourself, master; I cannot reach it," said the old +man. + +Cosmo took it down carefully, when he saw that the carving was +indeed delicate and costly, being both of admirable design and +execution; containing withal many devices which seemed to embody +some meaning to which he had no clue. This, naturally, in one of +his tastes and temperament, increased the interest he felt in the +old mirror; so much, indeed, that he now longed to possess it, in +order to study its frame at his leisure. He pretended, however, +to want it only for use; and saying he feared the plate could be +of little service, as it was rather old, he brushed away a little +of the dust from its face, expecting to see a dull reflection +within. His surprise was great when he found the reflection +brilliant, revealing a glass not only uninjured by age, but +wondrously clear and perfect (should the whole correspond to this +part) even for one newly from the hands of the maker. He asked +carelessly what the owner wanted for the thing. The old man +replied by mentioning a sum of money far beyond the reach of poor +Cosmo, who proceeded to replace the mirror where it had stood +before. + +"You think the price too high?" said the old man. + +"I do not know that it is too much for you to ask," replied +Cosmo; "but it is far too much for me to give." + +The old man held up his light towards Cosmo's face. "I like your +look," said he. + +Cosmo could not return the compliment. In fact, now he looked +closely at him for the first time, he felt a kind of repugnance +to him, mingled with a strange feeling of doubt whether a man or +a woman stood before him. + +"What is your name?" he continued. + +"Cosmo von Wehrstahl." + +"Ah, ah! I thought as much. I see your father in you. I knew +your father very well, young sir. I dare say in some odd corners +of my house, you might find some old things with his crest and +cipher upon them still. Well, I like you: you shall have the +mirror at the fourth part of what I asked for it; but upon one +condition." + +"What is that?" said Cosmo; for, although the price was still a +great deal for him to give, he could just manage it; and the +desire to possess the mirror had increased to an altogether +unaccountable degree, since it had seemed beyond his reach. + +"That if you should ever want to get rid of it again, you will +let me have the first offer." + +"Certainly," replied Cosmo, with a smile; adding, "a moderate +condition indeed." + +"On your honour?" insisted the seller. + +"On my honour," said the buyer; and the bargain was concluded. + +"I will carry it home for you," said the old man, as Cosmo took +it in his hands. + +"No, no; I will carry it myself," said he; for he had a peculiar +dislike to revealing his residence to any one, and more +especially to this person, to whom he felt every moment a greater +antipathy. +"Just as you please," said the old creature, and muttered to +himself as he held his light at the door to show him out of the +court: "Sold for the sixth time! I wonder what will be the +upshot of it this time. I should think my lady had enough of it +by now!" + +Cosmo carried his prize carefully home. But all the way he had +an uncomfortable feeling that he was watched and dogged. +Repeatedly he looked about, but saw nothing to justify his +suspicions. Indeed, the streets were too crowded and too ill +lighted to expose very readily a careful spy, if such there +should be at his heels. He reached his lodging in safety, and +leaned his purchase against the wall, rather relieved, strong as +he was, to be rid of its weight; then, lighting his pipe, threw +himself on the couch, and was soon lapt in the folds of one of +his haunting dreams. + +He returned home earlier than usual the next day, and fixed the +mirror to the wall, over the hearth, at one end of his long room. + +He then carefully wiped away the dust from its face, and, clear +as the water of a sunny spring, the mirror shone out from beneath +the envious covering. But his interest was chiefly occupied with +the curious carving of the frame. This he cleaned as well as he +could with a brush; and then he proceeded to a minute examination +of its various parts, in the hope of discovering some index to +the intention of the carver. In this, however, he was +unsuccessful; and, at length, pausing with some weariness and +disappointment, he gazed vacantly for a few moments into the +depth of the reflected room. But ere long he said, half aloud: +"What a strange thing a mirror is! and what a wondrous affinity +exists between it and a man's imagination! For this room of mine, +as I behold it in the glass, is the same, and yet not the same. +It is not the mere representation of the room I live in, but it +looks just as if I were reading about it in a story I like. All +its commonness has disappeared. The mirror has lifted it out of +the region of fact into the realm of art; and the very +representing of it to me has clothed with interest that which was +otherwise hard and bare; just as one sees with delight upon the +stage the representation of a character from which one would +escape in life as from something unendurably wearisome. But is +it not rather that art rescues nature from the weary and sated +regards of our senses, and the degrading injustice of our anxious +everyday life, and, appealing to the imagination, which dwells +apart, reveals Nature in some degree as she really is, and as she +represents herself to the eye of the child, whose every-day life, +fearless and unambitious, meets the true import of the +wonder-teeming world around him, and rejoices therein without +questioning? That skeleton, now--I almost fear it, standing +there so still, with eyes only for the unseen, like a watch-tower +looking across all the waste of this busy world into the quiet +regions of rest beyond. And yet I know every bone and every +joint in it as well as my own fist. And that old battle-axe +looks as if any moment it might be caught up by a mailed hand, +and, borne forth by the mighty arm, go crashing through casque, +and skull, and brain, invading the Unknown with yet another +bewildered ghost. I should like to live in THAT room if I could +only get into it." + +Scarcely had the half-moulded words floated from him, as he stood +gazing into the mirror, when, striking him as with a flash of +amazement that fixed him in his posture, noiseless and +unannounced, glided suddenly through the door into the reflected +room, with stately motion, yet reluctant and faltering step, the +graceful form of a woman, clothed all in white. Her back only +was visible as she walked slowly up to the couch in the further +end of the room, on which she laid herself wearily, turning +towards him a face of unutterable loveliness, in which suffering, +and dislike, and a sense of compulsion, strangely mingled with +the beauty. He stood without the power of motion for some +moments, with his eyes irrecoverably fixed upon her; and even +after he was conscious of the ability to move, he could not +summon up courage to turn and look on her, face to face, in the +veritable chamber in which he stood. At length, with a sudden +effort, in which the exercise of the will was so pure, that it +seemed involuntary, he turned his face to the couch. It was +vacant. In bewilderment, mingled with terror, he turned again to +the mirror: there, on the reflected couch, lay the exquisite +lady-form. She lay with closed eyes, whence two large tears were +just welling from beneath the veiling lids; still as death, save +for the convulsive motion of her bosom. + +Cosmo himself could not have described what he felt. His +emotions were of a kind that destroyed consciousness, and could +never be clearly recalled. He could not help standing yet by the +mirror, and keeping his eyes fixed on the lady, though he was +painfully aware of his rudeness, and feared every moment that she +would open hers, and meet his fixed regard. But he was, ere +long, a little relieved; for, after a while, her eyelids slowly +rose, and her eyes remained uncovered, but unemployed for a time; +and when, at length, they began to wander about the room, as if +languidly seeking to make some acquaintance with her environment, +they were never directed towards him: it seemed nothing but what +was in the mirror could affect her vision; and, therefore, if she +saw him at all, it could only be his back, which, of necessity, +was turned towards her in the glass. The two figures in the +mirror could not meet face to face, except he turned and looked +at her, present in his room; and, as she was not there, he +concluded that if he were to turn towards the part in his room +corresponding to that in which she lay, his reflection would +either be invisible to her altogether, or at least it must appear +to her to gaze vacantly towards her, and no meeting of the eyes +would produce the impression of spiritual proximity. By-and-by +her eyes fell upon the skeleton, and he saw her shudder and close +them. She did not open them again, but signs of repugnance +continued evident on her countenance. Cosmo would have removed +the obnoxious thing at once, but he feared to discompose her yet +more by the assertion of his presence which the act would +involve. So he stood and watched her. The eyelids yet shrouded +the eyes, as a costly case the jewels within; the troubled +expression gradually faded from the countenance, leaving only a +faint sorrow behind; the features settled into an unchanging +expression of rest; and by these signs, and the slow regular +motion of her breathing, Cosmo knew that she slept. He could now +gaze on her without embarrassment. He saw that her figure, +dressed in the simplest robe of white, was worthy of her face; +and so harmonious, that either the delicately moulded foot, or +any finger of the equally delicate hand, was an index to the +whole. As she lay, her whole form manifested the relaxation of +perfect repose. He gazed till he was weary, and at last seated +himself near the new-found shrine, and mechanically took up a +book, like one who watches by a sick-bed. But his eyes gathered +no thoughts from the page before him. His intellect had been +stunned by the bold contradiction, to its face, of all its +experience, and now lay passive, without assertion, or +speculation, or even conscious astonishment; while his +imagination sent one wild dream of blessedness after another +coursing through his soul. How long he sat he knew not; but at +length he roused himself, rose, and, trembling in every portion +of his frame, looked again into the mirror. She was gone. The +mirror reflected faithfully what his room presented, and nothing +more. It stood there like a golden setting whence the central +jewel has been stolen away--like a night- sky without the glory +of its stars. She had carried with her all the strangeness of +the reflected room. It had sunk to the level of the one without. + +But when the first pangs of his disappointment had passed, Cosmo +began to comfort himself with the hope that she might return, +perhaps the next evening, at the same hour. Resolving that if +she did, she should not at least be scared by the hateful +skeleton, he removed that and several other articles of +questionable appearance into a recess by the side of the hearth, +whence they could not possibly cast any reflection into the +mirror; and having made his poor room as tidy as he could, sought +the solace of the open sky and of a night wind that had begun to +blow, for he could not rest where he was. When he returned, +somewhat composed, he could hardly prevail with himself to lie +down on his bed; for he could not help feeling as if she had lain +upon it; and for him to lie there now would be something like +sacrilege. However, weariness prevailed; and laying himself on +the couch, dressed as he was, he slept till day. + +With a beating heart, beating till he could hardly breathe, he +stood in dumb hope before the mirror, on the following evening. +Again the reflected room shone as through a purple vapour in the +gathering twilight. Everything seemed waiting like himself for a +coming splendour to glorify its poor earthliness with the +presence of a heavenly joy. And just as the room vibrated with +the strokes of the neighbouring church bell, announcing the hour +of six, in glided the pale beauty, and again laid herself on the +couch. Poor Cosmo nearly lost his senses with delight. She was +there once more! Her eyes sought the corner where the skeleton +had stood, and a faint gleam of satisfaction crossed her face, +apparently at seeing it empty. She looked suffering still, but +there was less of discomfort expressed in her countenance than +there had been the night before. She took more notice of the +things about her, and seemed to gaze with some curiosity on the +strange apparatus standing here and there in her room. At +length, however, drowsiness seemed to overtake her, and again she +fell asleep. Resolved not to lose sight of her this time, Cosmo +watched the sleeping form. Her slumber was so deep and absorbing +that a fascinating repose seemed to pass contagiously from her to +him as he gazed upon her; and he started as if from a dream, when +the lady moved, and, without opening her eyes, rose, and passed +from the room with the gait of a somnambulist. + +Cosmo was now in a state of extravagant delight. Most men have a +secret treasure somewhere. The miser has his golden hoard; the +virtuoso his pet ring; the student his rare book; the poet his +favourite haunt; the lover his secret drawer; but Cosmo had a +mirror with a lovely lady in it. And now that he knew by the +skeleton, that she was affected by the things around her, he had +a new object in life: he would turn the bare chamber in the +mirror into a room such as no lady need disdain to call her own. +This he could effect only by furnishing and adorning his. And +Cosmo was poor. Yet he possessed accomplishments that could be +turned to account; although, hitherto, he had preferred living on +his slender allowance, to increasing his means by what his pride +considered unworthy of his rank. He was the best swordsman in +the University; and now he offered to give lessons in fencing and +similar exercises, to such as chose to pay him well for the +trouble. His proposal was heard with surprise by the students; +but it was eagerly accepted by many; and soon his instructions +were not confined to the richer students, but were anxiously +sought by many of the young nobility of Prague and its +neighbourhood. So that very soon he had a good deal of money at +his command. The first thing he did was to remove his apparatus +and oddities into a closet in the room. Then he placed his bed +and a few other necessaries on each side of the hearth, and +parted them from the rest of the room by two screens of Indian +fabric. Then he put an elegant couch for the lady to lie upon, +in the corner where his bed had formerly stood; and, by degrees, +every day adding some article of luxury, converted it, at length, +into a rich boudoir. + +Every night, about the same time, the lady entered. The first +time she saw the new couch, she started with a half-smile; then +her face grew very sad, the tears came to her eyes, and she laid +herself upon the couch, and pressed her face into the silken +cushions, as if to hide from everything. She took notice of each +addition and each change as the work proceeded; and a look of +acknowledgment, as if she knew that some one was ministering to +her, and was grateful for it, mingled with the constant look of +suffering. At length, after she had lain down as usual one +evening, her eyes fell upon some paintings with which Cosmo had +just finished adorning the walls. She rose, and to his great +delight, walked across the room, and proceeded to examine them +carefully, testifying much pleasure in her looks as she did so. +But again the sorrowful, tearful expression returned, and again +she buried her face in the pillows of her couch. Gradually, +however, her countenance had grown more composed; much of the +suffering manifest on her first appearance had vanished, and a +kind of quiet, hopeful expression had taken its place; which, +however, frequently gave way to an anxious, troubled look, +mingled with something of sympathetic pity. + +Meantime, how fared Cosmo? As might be expected in one of his +temperament, his interest had blossomed into love, and his +love--shall I call it RIPENED, or--WITHERED into passion. But, +alas! he loved a shadow. He could not come near her, could not +speak to her, could not hear a sound from those sweet lips, to +which his longing eyes would cling like bees to their +honey-founts. Ever and anon he sang to himself: + + "I shall die for love of the maiden;" + +and ever he looked again, and died not, though his heart seemed +ready to break with intensity of life and longing. And the more +he did for her, the more he loved her; and he hoped that, +although she never appeared to see him, yet she was pleased to +think that one unknown would give his life to her. He tried to +comfort himself over his separation from her, by thinking that +perhaps some day she would see him and make signs to him, and +that would satisfy him; "for," thought he, "is not this all that +a loving soul can do to enter into communion with another? Nay, +how many who love never come nearer than to behold each other as +in a mirror; seem to know and yet never know the inward life; +never enter the other soul; and part at last, with but the +vaguest notion of the universe on the borders of which they have +been hovering for years? If I could but speak to her, and knew +that she heard me, I should be satisfied." Once he contemplated +painting a picture on the wall, which should, of necessity, +convey to the lady a thought of himself; but, though he had some +skill with the pencil, he found his hand tremble so much when he +began the attempt, that he was forced to give it up. . +. . . . + + "Who lives, he dies; who dies, he is alive." + + One evening, as he stood gazing on his treasure, he thought he +saw a faint expression of self-consciousness on her countenance, +as if she surmised that passionate eyes were fixed upon her. +This grew; till at last the red blood rose over her neck, and +cheek, and brow. Cosmo's longing to approach her became almost +delirious. This night she was dressed in an evening costume, +resplendent with diamonds. This could add nothing to her beauty, +but it presented it in a new aspect; enabled her loveliness to +make a new manifestation of itself in a new embodiment. For +essential beauty is infinite; and, as the soul of Nature needs an +endless succession of varied forms to embody her loveliness, +countless faces of beauty springing forth, not any two the same, +at any one of her heart-throbs; so the individual form needs an +infinite change of its environments, to enable it to uncover all +the phases of its loveliness. Diamonds glittered from amidst her +hair, half hidden in its luxuriance, like stars through dark +rain-clouds; and the bracelets on her white arms flashed all the +colours of a rainbow of lightnings, as she lifted her snowy hands +to cover her burning face. But her beauty shone down all its +adornment. "If I might have but one of her feet to kiss," +thought Cosmo, "I should be content." Alas! he deceived himself, +for passion is never content. Nor did he know that there are TWO +ways out of her enchanted house. But, suddenly, as if the pang +had been driven into his heart from without, revealing itself +first in pain, and afterwards in definite form, the thought +darted into his mind, "She has a lover somewhere. Remembered +words of his bring the colour on her face now. I am nowhere to +her. She lives in another world all day, and all night, after +she leaves me. Why does she come and make me love her, till I, a +strong man, am too faint to look upon her more?" He looked +again, and her face was pale as a lily. A sorrowful compassion +seemed to rebuke the glitter of the restless jewels, and the slow +tears rose in her eyes. She left her room sooner this evening +than was her wont. Cosmo remained alone, with a feeling as if +his bosom had been suddenly left empty and hollow, and the weight +of the whole world was crushing in its walls. The next evening, +for the first time since she began to come, she came not. + +And now Cosmo was in wretched plight. Since the thought of a +rival had occurred to him, he could not rest for a moment. More +than ever he longed to see the lady face to face. He persuaded +himself that if he but knew the worst he would be satisfied; for +then he could abandon Prague, and find that relief in constant +motion, which is the hope of all active minds when invaded by +distress. Meantime he waited with unspeakable anxiety for the +next night, hoping she would return: but she did not appear. And +now he fell really ill. Rallied by his fellow students on his +wretched looks, he ceased to attend the lectures. His +engagements were neglected. He cared for nothing, The sky, with +the great sun in it, was to him a heartless, burning desert. The +men and women in the streets were mere puppets, without motives +in themselves, or interest to him. He saw them all as on the +ever- changing field of a camera obscura. She--she alone and +altogether--was his universe, his well of life, his incarnate +good. For six evenings she came not. Let his absorbing passion, +and the slow fever that was consuming his brain, be his excuse +for the resolution which he had taken and begun to execute, +before that time had expired. + +Reasoning with himself, that it must be by some enchantment +connected with the mirror, that the form of the lady was to be +seen in it, he determined to attempt to turn to account what he +had hitherto studied principally from curiosity. "For," said he +to himself, "if a spell can force her presence in that glass (and +she came unwillingly at first), may not a stronger spell, such as +I know, especially with the aid of her half-presence in the +mirror, if ever she appears again, compel her living form to come +to me here? If I do her wrong, let love be my excuse. I want +only to know my doom from her own lips." He never doubted, all +the time, that she was a real earthly woman; or, rather, that +there was a woman, who, somehow or other, threw this reflection +of her form into the magic mirror. + +He opened his secret drawer, took out his books of magic, lighted +his lamp, and read and made notes from midnight till three in the +morning, for three successive nights. Then he replaced his +books; and the next night went out in quest of the materials +necessary for the conjuration. These were not easy to find; for, +in love-charms and all incantations of this nature, ingredients +are employed scarcely fit to be mentioned, and for the thought +even of which, in connexion with her, he could only excuse +himself on the score of his bitter need. At length he succeeded +in procuring all he required; and on the seventh evening from +that on which she had last appeared, he found himself prepared +for the exercise of unlawful and tyrannical power. + +He cleared the centre of the room; stooped and drew a circle of +red on the floor, around the spot where he stood; wrote in the +four quarters mystical signs, and numbers which were all powers +of seven or nine; examined the whole ring carefully, to see that +no smallest break had occurred in the circumference; and then +rose from his bending posture. As he rose, the church clock +struck seven; and, just as she had appeared the first time, +reluctant, slow, and stately, glided in the lady. Cosmo +trembled; and when, turning, she revealed a countenance worn and +wan, as with sickness or inward trouble, he grew faint, and felt +as if he dared not proceed. But as he gazed on the face and +form, which now possessed his whole soul, to the exclusion of all +other joys and griefs, the longing to speak to her, to know that +she heard him, to hear from her one word in return, became so +unendurable, that he suddenly and hastily resumed his +preparations. Stepping carefully from the circle, he put a small +brazier into its centre. He then set fire to its contents of +charcoal, and while it burned up, opened his window and seated +himself, waiting, beside it. + +It was a sultry evening. The air was full of thunder. A sense +of luxurious depression filled the brain. The sky seemed to have +grown heavy, and to compress the air beneath it. A kind of +purplish tinge pervaded the atmosphere, and through the open +window came the scents of the distant fields, which all the +vapours of the city could not quench. Soon the charcoal glowed. +Cosmo sprinkled upon it the incense and other substances which he +had compounded, and, stepping within the circle, turned his face +from the brazier and towards the mirror. Then, fixing his eyes +upon the face of the lady, he began with a trembling voice to +repeat a powerful incantation. He had not gone far, before the +lady grew pale; and then, like a returning wave, the blood washed +all its banks with its crimson tide, and she hid her face in her +hands. Then he passed to a conjuration stronger yet. + +The lady rose and walked uneasily to and fro in her room. +Another spell; and she seemed seeking with her eyes for some +object on which they wished to rest. At length it seemed as if +she suddenly espied him; for her eyes fixed themselves full and +wide upon his, and she drew gradually, and somewhat unwillingly, +close to her side of the mirror, just as if his eyes had +fascinated her. Cosmo had never seen her so near before. Now at +least, eyes met eyes; but he could not quite understand the +expression of hers. They were full of tender entreaty, but there +was something more that he could not interpret. Though his heart +seemed to labour in his throat, he would allow no delight or +agitation to turn him from his task. Looking still in her face, +he passed on to the mightiest charm he knew. Suddenly the lady +turned and walked out of the door of her reflected chamber. A +moment after she entered his room with veritable presence; and, +forgetting all his precautions, he sprang from the charmed +circle, and knelt before her. There she stood, the living lady +of his passionate visions, alone beside him, in a thundery +twilight, and the glow of a magic fire. + +"Why," said the lady, with a trembling voice, "didst thou bring a +poor maiden through the rainy streets alone?" + +"Because I am dying for love of thee; but I only brought thee +from the mirror there." + +"Ah, the mirror!" and she looked up at it, and shuddered. "Alas! +I am but a slave, while that mirror exists. But do not think it +was the power of thy spells that drew me; it was thy longing +desire to see me, that beat at the door of my heart, till I was +forced to yield." + +"Canst thou love me then?" said Cosmo, in a voice calm as death, +but almost inarticulate with emotion. + +"I do not know," she replied sadly; "that I cannot tell, so long +as I am bewildered with enchantments. It were indeed a joy too +great, to lay my head on thy bosom and weep to death; for I think +thou lovest me, though I do not know;--but----" + +Cosmo rose from his knees. + +"I love thee as--nay, I know not what--for since I have loved +thee, there is nothing else." + +He seized her hand: she withdrew it. + +"No, better not; I am in thy power, and therefore I may not." + +She burst into tears, and kneeling before him in her turn, said-- + +"Cosmo, if thou lovest me, set me free, even from thyself; break +the mirror." + +"And shall I see thyself instead?" + +"That I cannot tell, I will not deceive thee; we may never meet +again." + +A fierce struggle arose in Cosmo's bosom. Now she was in his +power. She did not dislike him at least; and he could see her +when he would. To break the mirror would be to destroy his very +life to banish out of his universe the only glory it possessed. +The whole world would be but a prison, if he annihilated the one +window that looked into the paradise of love. Not yet pure in +love, he hesitated. + +With a wail of sorrow the lady rose to her feet. "Ah! he loves +me not; he loves me not even as I love him; and alas! I care +more for his love than even for the freedom I ask." + +"I will not wait to be willing," cried Cosmo; and sprang to the +corner where the great sword stood. + +Meantime it had grown very dark; only the embers cast a red glow +through the room. He seized the sword by the steel scabbard, and +stood before the mirror; but as he heaved a great blow at it with +the heavy pommel, the blade slipped half-way out of the scabbard, +and the pommel struck the wall above the mirror. At that moment, +a terrible clap of thunder seemed to burst in the very room +beside them; and ere Cosmo could repeat the blow, he fell +senseless on the hearth. When he came to himself, he found that +the lady and the mirror had both disappeared. He was seized with +a brain fever, which kept him to his couch for weeks. + +When he recovered his reason, he began to think what could have +become of the mirror. For the lady, he hoped she had found her +way back as she came; but as the mirror involved her fate with +its own, he was more immediately anxious about that. He could +not think she had carried it away. It was much too heavy, even +if it had not been too firmly fixed in the wall, for her to +remove it. Then again, he remembered the thunder; which made him +believe that it was not the lightning, but some other blow that +had struck him down. He concluded that, either by supernatural +agency, he having exposed himself to the vengeance of the demons +in leaving the circle of safety, or in some other mode, the +mirror had probably found its way back to its former owner; and, +horrible to think of, might have been by this time once more +disposed of, delivering up the lady into the power of another +man; who, if he used his power no worse than he himself had done, +might yet give Cosmo abundant cause to curse the selfish +indecision which prevented him from shattering the mirror at +once. Indeed, to think that she whom he loved, and who had +prayed to him for freedom, should be still at the mercy, in some +degree, of the possessor of the mirror, and was at least exposed +to his constant observation, was in itself enough to madden a +chary lover. + +Anxiety to be well retarded his recovery; but at length he was +able to creep abroad. He first made his way to the old broker's, +pretending to be in search of something else. A laughing sneer +on the creature's face convinced him that he knew all about it; +but he could not see it amongst his furniture, or get any +information out of him as to what had become of it. He expressed +the utmost surprise at hearing it had been stolen, a surprise +which Cosmo saw at once to be counterfeited; while, at the same +time, he fancied that the old wretch was not at all anxious to +have it mistaken for genuine. Full of distress, which he +concealed as well as he could, he made many searches, but with no +avail. Of course he could ask no questions; but he kept his ears +awake for any remotest hint that might set him in a direction of +search. He never went out without a short heavy hammer of steel +about him, that he might shatter the mirror the moment he was +made happy by the sight of his lost treasure, if ever that +blessed moment should arrive. Whether he should see the lady +again, was now a thought altogether secondary, and postponed to +the achievement of her freedom. He wandered here and there, like +an anxious ghost, pale and haggard; gnawed ever at the heart, by +the thought of what she might be suffering--all from his fault. + +One night, he mingled with a crowd that filled the rooms of one +of the most distinguished mansions in the city; for he accepted +every invitation, that he might lose no chance, however poor, of +obtaining some information that might expedite his discovery. +Here he wandered about, listening to every stray word that he +could catch, in the hope of a revelation. As he approached some +ladies who were talking quietly in a corner, one said to another: + +"Have you heard of the strange illness of the Princess von +Hohenweiss?" + +"Yes; she has been ill for more than a year now. It is very sad +for so fine a creature to have such a terrible malady. She was +better for some weeks lately, but within the last few days the +same attacks have returned, apparently accompanied with more +suffering than ever. It is altogether an inexplicable story." + +"Is there a story connected with her illness?" + +"I have only heard imperfect reports of it; but it is said that +she gave offence some eighteen months ago to an old woman who had +held an office of trust in the family, and who, after some +incoherent threats, disappeared. This peculiar affection +followed soon after. But the strangest part of the story is its +association with the loss of an antique mirror, which stood in +her dressing-room, and of which she constantly made use." + +Here the speaker's voice sank to a whisper; and Cosmo, although +his very soul sat listening in his ears, could hear no more. He +trembled too much to dare to address the ladies, even if it had +been advisable to expose himself to their curiosity. The name of +the Princess was well known to him, but he had never seen her; +except indeed it was she, which now he hardly doubted, who had +knelt before him on that dreadful night. Fearful of attracting +attention, for, from the weak state of his health, he could not +recover an appearance of calmness, he made his way to the open +air, and reached his lodgings; glad in this, that he at least +knew where she lived, although he never dreamed of approaching +her openly, even if he should be happy enough to free her from +her hateful bondage. He hoped, too, that as he had unexpectedly +learned so much, the other and far more important part might be +revealed to him ere long. + . . . . . + + +"Have you seen Steinwald lately?" + +"No, I have not seen him for some time. He is almost a match for +me at the rapier, and I suppose he thinks he needs no more +lessons." + +"I wonder what has become of him. I want to see him very much. +Let me see; the last time I saw him he was coming out of that old +broker's den, to which, if you remember, you accompanied me once, +to look at some armour. That is fully three weeks ago." + +This hint was enough for Cosmo. Von Steinwald was a man of +influence in the court, well known for his reckless habits and +fierce passions. The very possibility that the mirror should be +in his possession was hell itself to Cosmo. But violent or hasty +measures of any sort were most unlikely to succeed. All that he +wanted was an opportunity of breaking the fatal glass; and to +obtain this he must bide his time. He revolved many plans in his +mind, but without being able to fix upon any. + +At length, one evening, as he was passing the house of Von +Steinwald, he saw the windows more than usually brilliant. He +watched for a while, and seeing that company began to arrive, +hastened home, and dressed as richly as he could, in the hope of +mingling with the guests unquestioned: in effecting which, there +could be no difficulty for a man of his carriage. + . . . . . + + +In a lofty, silent chamber, in another part of the city, lay a +form more like marble than a living woman. The loveliness of +death seemed frozen upon her face, for her lips were rigid, and +her eyelids closed. Her long white hands were crossed over her +breast, and no breathing disturbed their repose. Beside the +dead, men speak in whispers, as if the deepest rest of all could +be broken by the sound of a living voice. Just so, though the +soul was evidently beyond the reach of all intimations from the +senses, the two ladies, who sat beside her, spoke in the gentlest +tones of subdued sorrow. +"She has lain so for an hour." + +"This cannot last long, I fear." + +"How much thinner she has grown within the last few weeks! If +she would only speak, and explain what she suffers, it would be +better for her. I think she has visions in her trances, but +nothing can induce her to refer to them when she is awake." + +"Does she ever speak in these trances?" + +"I have never heard her; but they say she walks sometimes, and +once put the whole household in a terrible fright by disappearing +for a whole hour, and returning drenched with rain, and almost +dead with exhaustion and fright. But even then she would give no +account of what had happened." + +A scarce audible murmur from the yet motionless lips of the lady +here startled her attendants. After several ineffectual attempts +at articulation, the word "COSMO!" burst from her. Then she lay +still as before; but only for a moment. With a wild cry, she +sprang from the couch erect on the floor, flung her arms above +her head, with clasped and straining hands, and, her wide eyes +flashing with light, called aloud, with a voice exultant as that +of a spirit bursting from a sepulchre, "I am free! I am free! I +thank thee!" Then she flung herself on the couch, and sobbed; +then rose, and paced wildly up and down the room, with gestures +of mingled delight and anxiety. Then turning to her motionless +attendants--"Quick, Lisa, my cloak and hood!" Then lower--"I +must go to him. Make haste, Lisa! You may come with me, if you +will." + +In another moment they were in the street, hurrying along towards +one of the bridges over the Moldau. The moon was near the +zenith, and the streets were almost empty. The Princess soon +outstripped her attendant, and was half-way over the bridge, +before the other reached it. + +"Are you free, lady? The mirror is broken: are you free?" + +The words were spoken close beside her, as she hurried on. She +turned; and there, leaning on the parapet in a recess of the +bridge, stood Cosmo, in a splendid dress, but with a white and +quivering face. + +"Cosmo!--I am free--and thy servant for ever. I was coming to +you now." + +"And I to you, for Death made me bold; but I could get no +further. Have I atoned at all? Do I love you a little--truly?" + +"Ah, I know now that you love me, my Cosmo; but what do you say +about death?" + +He did not reply. His hand was pressed against his side. She +looked more closely: the blood was welling from between the +fingers. She flung her arms around him with a faint bitter wail. + +When Lisa came up, she found her mistress kneeling above a wan +dead face, which smiled on in the spectral moonbeams. + + And now I will say no more about these wondrous volumes; though +I could tell many a tale out of them, and could, perhaps, vaguely +represent some entrancing thoughts of a deeper kind which I found +within them. From many a sultry noon till twilight, did I sit in +that grand hall, buried and risen again in these old books. And +I trust I have carried away in my soul some of the exhalations of +their undying leaves. In after hours of deserved or needful +sorrow, portions of what I read there have often come to me +again, with an unexpected comforting; which was not fruitless, +even though the comfort might seem in itself groundless and vain. + + + + + + CHAPTER XIV + + "Your gallery + Ha we pass'd through, not without much content + In many singularities; but we saw not + That which my daughter came to look upon, + The state of her mother." + Winter's Tale. + +It seemed to me strange, that all this time I had heard no music +in the fairy palace. I was convinced there must be music in it, +but that my sense was as yet too gross to receive the influence +of those mysterious motions that beget sound. Sometimes I felt +sure, from the way the few figures of which I got such transitory +glimpses passed me, or glided into vacancy before me, that they +were moving to the law of music; and, in fact, several times I +fancied for a moment that I heard a few wondrous tones coming I +knew not whence. But they did not last long enough to convince +me that I had heard them with the bodily sense. Such as they +were, however, they took strange liberties with me, causing me to +burst suddenly into tears, of which there was no presence to make +me ashamed, or casting me into a kind of trance of speechless +delight, which, passing as suddenly, left me faint and longing +for more. + +Now, on an evening, before I had been a week in the palace, I was +wandering through one lighted arcade and corridor after another. +At length I arrived, through a door that closed behind me, in +another vast hall of the palace. It was filled with a subdued +crimson light; by which I saw that slender pillars of black, +built close to walls of white marble, rose to a great height, and +then, dividing into innumerable divergent arches, supported a +roof, like the walls, of white marble, upon which the arches +intersected intricately, forming a fretting of black upon the +white, like the network of a skeleton-leaf. The floor was black. + +Between several pairs of the pillars upon every side, the place +of the wall behind was occupied by a crimson curtain of thick +silk, hanging in heavy and rich folds. Behind each of these +curtains burned a powerful light, and these were the sources of +the glow that filled the hall. A peculiar delicious odour +pervaded the place. As soon as I entered, the old inspiration +seemed to return to me, for I felt a strong impulse to sing; or +rather, it seemed as if some one else was singing a song in my +soul, which wanted to come forth at my lips, imbodied in my +breath. But I kept silence; and feeling somewhat overcome by the +red light and the perfume, as well as by the emotion within me, +and seeing at one end of the hall a great crimson chair, more +like a throne than a chair, beside a table of white marble, I +went to it, and, throwing myself in it, gave myself up to a +succession of images of bewildering beauty, which passed before +my inward eye, in a long and occasionally crowded train. Here I +sat for hours, I suppose; till, returning somewhat to myself, I +saw that the red light had paled away, and felt a cool gentle +breath gliding over my forehead. I rose and left the hall with +unsteady steps, finding my way with some difficulty to my own +chamber, and faintly remembering, as I went, that only in the +marble cave, before I found the sleeping statue, had I ever had a +similar experience. + +After this, I repaired every morning to the same hall; where I +sometimes sat in the chair and dreamed deliciously, and sometimes +walked up and down over the black floor. Sometimes I acted +within myself a whole drama, during one of these perambulations; +sometimes walked deliberately through the whole epic of a tale; +sometimes ventured to sing a song, though with a shrinking fear +of I knew not what. I was astonished at the beauty of my own +voice as it rang through the place, or rather crept undulating, +like a serpent of sound, along the walls and roof of this superb +music-hall. Entrancing verses arose within me as of their own +accord, chanting themselves to their own melodies, and requiring +no addition of music to satisfy the inward sense. But, ever in +the pauses of these, when the singing mood was upon me, I seemed +to hear something like the distant sound of multitudes of +dancers, and felt as if it was the unheard music, moving their +rhythmic motion, that within me blossomed in verse and song. I +felt, too, that could I but see the dance, I should, from the +harmony of complicated movements, not of the dancers in relation +to each other merely, but of each dancer individually in the +manifested plastic power that moved the consenting harmonious +form, understand the whole of the music on the billows of which +they floated and swung. + +At length, one night, suddenly, when this feeling of dancing came +upon me, I bethought me of lifting one of the crimson curtains, +and looking if, perchance, behind it there might not be hid some +other mystery, which might at least remove a step further the +bewilderment of the present one. Nor was I altogether +disappointed. I walked to one of the magnificent draperies, +lifted a corner, and peeped in. There, burned a great, crimson, +globe-shaped light, high in the cubical centre of another hall, +which might be larger or less than that in which I stood, for its +dimensions were not easily perceived, seeing that floor and roof +and walls were entirely of black marble. + +The roof was supported by the same arrangement of pillars +radiating in arches, as that of the first hall; only, here, the +pillars and arches were of dark red. But what absorbed my +delighted gaze, was an innumerable assembly of white marble +statues, of every form, and in multitudinous posture, filling the +hall throughout. These stood, in the ruddy glow of the great +lamp, upon pedestals of jet black. Around the lamp shone in +golden letters, plainly legible from where I stood, the two +words-- + + TOUCH NOT! + +There was in all this, however, no solution to the sound of +dancing; and now I was aware that the influence on my mind had +ceased. I did not go in that evening, for I was weary and faint, +but I hoarded up the expectation of entering, as of a great +coming joy. + +Next night I walked, as on the preceding, through the hall. My +mind was filled with pictures and songs, and therewith so much +absorbed, that I did not for some time think of looking within +the curtain I had last night lifted. When the thought of doing +so occurred to me first, I happened to be within a few yards of +it. I became conscious, at the same moment, that the sound of +dancing had been for some time in my ears. I approached the +curtain quickly, and, lifting it, entered the black hall. +Everything was still as death. I should have concluded that the +sound must have proceeded from some other more distant quarter, +which conclusion its faintness would, in ordinary circumstances, +have necessitated from the first; but there was a something about +the statues that caused me still to remain in doubt. As I said, +each stood perfectly still upon its black pedestal: but there was +about every one a certain air, not of motion, but as if it had +just ceased from movement; as if the rest were not altogether of +the marbly stillness of thousands of years. It was as if the +peculiar atmosphere of each had yet a kind of invisible +tremulousness; as if its agitated wavelets had not yet subsided +into a perfect calm. I had the suspicion that they had +anticipated my appearance, and had sprung, each, from the living +joy of the dance, to the death-silence and blackness of its +isolated pedestal, just before I entered. I walked across the +central hall to the curtain opposite the one I had lifted, and, +entering there, found all the appearances similar; only that the +statues were different, and differently grouped. Neither did +they produce on my mind that impression--of motion just expired, +which I had experienced from the others. I found that behind +every one of the crimson curtains was a similar hall, similarly +lighted, and similarly occupied. + +The next night, I did not allow my thoughts to be absorbed as +before with inward images, but crept stealthily along to the +furthest curtain in the hall, from behind which, likewise, I had +formerly seemed to hear the sound of dancing. I drew aside its +edge as suddenly as I could, and, looking in, saw that the utmost +stillness pervaded the vast place. I walked in, and passed +through it to the other end. + +There I found that it communicated with a circular corridor, +divided from it only by two rows of red columns. This corridor, +which was black, with red niches holding statues, ran entirely +about the statue- halls, forming a communication between the +further ends of them all; further, that is, as regards the +central hall of white whence they all diverged like radii, +finding their circumference in the corridor. + +Round this corridor I now went, entering all the halls, of which +there were twelve, and finding them all similarly constructed, +but filled with quite various statues, of what seemed both +ancient and modern sculpture. After I had simply walked through +them, I found myself sufficiently tired to long for rest, and +went to my own room. + +In the night I dreamed that, walking close by one of the +curtains, I was suddenly seized with the desire to enter, and +darted in. This time I was too quick for them. All the statues +were in motion, statues no longer, but men and women--all shapes +of beauty that ever sprang from the brain of the sculptor, +mingled in the convolutions of a complicated dance. Passing +through them to the further end, I almost started from my sleep +on beholding, not taking part in the dance with the others, nor +seemingly endued with life like them, but standing in marble +coldness and rigidity upon a black pedestal in the extreme left +corner--my lady of the cave; the marble beauty who sprang from +her tomb or her cradle at the call of my songs. While I gazed in +speechless astonishment and admiration, a dark shadow, descending +from above like the curtain of a stage, gradually hid her +entirely from my view. I felt with a shudder that this shadow +was perchance my missing demon, whom I had not seen for days. I +awoke with a stifled cry. + +Of course, the next evening I began my journey through the halls +(for I knew not to which my dream had carried me), in the hope of +proving the dream to be a true one, by discovering my marble +beauty upon her black pedestal. At length, on reaching the tenth +hall, I thought I recognised some of the forms I had seen dancing +in my dream; and to my bewilderment, when I arrived at the +extreme corner on the left, there stood, the only one I had yet +seen, a vacant pedestal. It was exactly in the position +occupied, in my dream, by the pedestal on which the white lady +stood. Hope beat violently in my heart. + +"Now," said I to myself, "if yet another part of the dream would +but come true, and I should succeed in surprising these forms in +their nightly dance; it might be the rest would follow, and I +should see on the pedestal my marble queen. Then surely if my +songs sufficed to give her life before, when she lay in the bonds +of alabaster, much more would they be sufficient then to give her +volition and motion, when she alone of assembled crowds of marble +forms, would be standing rigid and cold." + +But the difficulty was, to surprise the dancers. I had found +that a premeditated attempt at surprise, though executed with the +utmost care and rapidity, was of no avail. And, in my dream, it +was effected by a sudden thought suddenly executed. I saw, +therefore, that there was no plan of operation offering any +probability of success, but this: to allow my mind to be occupied +with other thoughts, as I wandered around the great centre-hall; +and so wait till the impulse to enter one of the others should +happen to arise in me just at the moment when I was close to one +of the crimson curtains. For I hoped that if I entered any one +of the twelve halls at the right moment, that would as it were +give me the right of entrance to all the others, seeing they all +had communication behind. I would not diminish the hope of the +right chance, by supposing it necessary that a desire to enter +should awake within me, precisely when I was close to the +curtains of the tenth hall. + +At first the impulses to see recurred so continually, in spite of +the crowded imagery that kept passing through my mind, that they +formed too nearly a continuous chain, for the hope that any one +of them would succeed as a surprise. But as I persisted in +banishing them, they recurred less and less often; and after two +or three, at considerable intervals, had come when the spot where +I happened to be was unsuitable, the hope strengthened, that soon +one might arise just at the right moment; namely, when, in +walking round the hall, I should be close to one of the curtains. + +At length the right moment and the impulse coincided. I darted +into the ninth hall. It was full of the most exquisite moving +forms. The whole space wavered and swam with the involutions of +an intricate dance. It seemed to break suddenly as I entered, +and all made one or two bounds towards their pedestals; but, +apparently on finding that they were thoroughly overtaken, they +returned to their employment (for it seemed with them earnest +enough to be called such) without further heeding me. Somewhat +impeded by the floating crowd, I made what haste I could towards +the bottom of the hall; whence, entering the corridor, I turned +towards the tenth. I soon arrived at the corner I wanted to +reach, for the corridor was comparatively empty; but, although +the dancers here, after a little confusion, altogether +disregarded my presence, I was dismayed at beholding, even yet, a +vacant pedestal. But I had a conviction that she was near me. +And as I looked at the pedestal, I thought I saw upon it, vaguely +revealed as if through overlapping folds of drapery, the +indistinct outlines of white feet. Yet there was no sign of +drapery or concealing shadow whatever. But I remembered the +descending shadow in my dream. And I hoped still in the power of +my songs; thinking that what could dispel alabaster, might +likewise be capable of dispelling what concealed my beauty now, +even if it were the demon whose darkness had overshadowed all my +life. + + + + + + CHAPTER XV + + "Alexander. 'When will you finish Campaspe?' + Apelles. 'Never finish: for always in absolute + beauty there is somewhat above art.'" + LYLY'S Campaspe. + +And now, what song should I sing to unveil my Isis, if indeed she +was present unseen? I hurried away to the white hall of +Phantasy, heedless of the innumerable forms of beauty that +crowded my way: these might cross my eyes, but the unseen filled +my brain. I wandered long, up and down the silent space: no +songs came. My soul was not still enough for songs. Only in the +silence and darkness of the soul's night, do those stars of the +inward firmament sink to its lower surface from the singing +realms beyond, and shine upon the conscious spirit. Here all +effort was unavailing. If they came not, they could not be +found. + +Next night, it was just the same. I walked through the red +glimmer of the silent hall; but lonely as there I walked, as +lonely trod my soul up and down the halls of the brain. At last +I entered one of the statue-halls. The dance had just commenced, +and I was delighted to find that I was free of their assembly. I +walked on till I came to the sacred corner. There I found the +pedestal just as I had left it, with the faint glimmer as of +white feet still resting on the dead black. As soon as I saw it, +I seemed to feel a presence which longed to become visible; and, +as it were, called to me to gift it with self- manifestation, +that it might shine on me. The power of song came to me. But +the moment my voice, though I sang low and soft, stirred the air +of the hall, the dancers started; the quick interweaving crowd +shook, lost its form, divided; each figure sprang to its +pedestal, and stood, a self-evolving life no more, but a rigid, +life-like, marble shape, with the whole form composed into the +expression of a single state or act. Silence rolled like a +spiritual thunder through the grand space. My song had ceased, +scared at its own influences. But I saw in the hand of one of +the statues close by me, a harp whose chords yet quivered. I +remembered that as she bounded past me, her harp had brushed +against my arm; so the spell of the marble had not infolded it. +I sprang to her, and with a gesture of entreaty, laid my hand on +the harp. The marble hand, probably from its contact with the +uncharmed harp, had strength enough to relax its hold, and yield +the harp to me. No other motion indicated life. Instinctively I +struck the chords and sang. And not to break upon the record of +my song, I mention here, that as I sang the first four lines, the +loveliest feet became clear upon the black pedestal; and ever as +I sang, it was as if a veil were being lifted up from before the +form, but an invisible veil, so that the statue appeared to grow +before me, not so much by evolution, as by infinitesimal degrees +of added height. And, while I sang, I did not feel that I stood +by a statue, as indeed it appeared to be, but that a real +woman-soul was revealing itself by successive stages of +imbodiment, and consequent manifestatlon and expression. + + Feet of beauty, firmly planting + Arches white on rosy heel! + Whence the life-spring, throbbing, panting, + Pulses upward to reveal! + Fairest things know least despising; + Foot and earth meet tenderly: + 'Tis the woman, resting, rising + Upward to sublimity, + Rise the limbs, sedately sloping, + Strong and gentle, full and free; + Soft and slow, like certain hoping, + Drawing nigh the broad firm knee. + Up to speech! As up to roses + Pants the life from leaf to flower, + So each blending change discloses, + Nearer still, expression's power. + + Lo! fair sweeps, white surges, twining + Up and outward fearlessly! + Temple columns, close combining, + Lift a holy mystery. + Heart of mine! what strange surprises + Mount aloft on such a stair! + Some great vision upward rises, + Curving, bending, floating fair. + + Bands and sweeps, and hill and hollow + Lead my fascinated eye; + Some apocalypse will follow, + Some new world of deity. + Zoned unseen, and outward swelling, + With new thoughts and wonders rife, + Queenly majesty foretelling, + See the expanding house of life! + + Sudden heaving, unforbidden + Sighs eternal, still the same-- + Mounts of snow have summits hidden + In the mists of uttered flame. + But the spirit, dawning nearly + Finds no speech for earnest pain; + Finds a soundless sighing merely-- + Builds its stairs, and mounts again. + + Heart, the queen, with secret hoping, + Sendeth out her waiting pair; + Hands, blind hands, half blindly groping, + Half inclasping visions rare; + And the great arms, heartways bending; + Might of Beauty, drawing home + There returning, and re-blending, + Where from roots of love they roam. + + Build thy slopes of radiance beamy + Spirit, fair with womanhood! + Tower thy precipice, white-gleamy, + Climb unto the hour of good. + Dumb space will be rent asunder, + Now the shining column stands + Ready to be crowned with wonder + By the builder's joyous hands. + + All the lines abroad are spreading, + Like a fountain's falling race. + Lo, the chin, first feature, treading, + Airy foot to rest the face! + Speech is nigh; oh, see the blushing, + Sweet approach of lip and breath! + Round the mouth dim silence, hushing, + Waits to die ecstatic death. + + Span across in treble curving, + Bow of promise, upper lip! + Set them free, with gracious swerving; + Let the wing-words float and dip. + DUMB ART THOU? O Love immortal, + More than words thy speech must be; + Childless yet the tender portal + Of the home of melody. + + Now the nostrils open fearless, + Proud in calm unconsciousness, + Sure it must be something peerless + That the great Pan would express! + Deepens, crowds some meaning tender, + In the pure, dear lady-face. + Lo, a blinding burst of splendour!-- + 'Tis the free soul's issuing grace. + + Two calm lakes of molten glory + Circling round unfathomed deeps! + Lightning-flashes, transitory, + Cross the gulfs where darkness sleeps. + This the gate, at last, of gladness, + To the outward striving me: + In a rain of light and sadness, + Out its loves and longings flee! + + With a presence I am smitten + Dumb, with a foreknown surprise; + Presence greater yet than written + Even in the glorious eyes. + Through the gulfs, with inward gazes, + I may look till I am lost; + Wandering deep in spirit-mazes, + In a sea without a coast. + + Windows open to the glorious! + Time and space, oh, far beyond! + Woman, ah! thou art victorious, + And I perish, overfond. + Springs aloft the yet Unspoken + In the forehead's endless grace, + Full of silences unbroken; + Infinite, unfeatured face. + + Domes above, the mount of wonder; + Height and hollow wrapt in night; + Hiding in its caverns under + Woman-nations in their might. + Passing forms, the highest Human + Faints away to the Divine + Features none, of man or woman, + Can unveil the holiest shine. + + Sideways, grooved porches only + Visible to passing eye, + Stand the silent, doorless, lonely + Entrance-gates of melody. + But all sounds fly in as boldly, + Groan and song, and kiss and cry + At their galleries, lifted coldly, + Darkly, 'twixt the earth and sky. + + Beauty, thou art spent, thou knowest + So, in faint, half-glad despair, + From the summit thou o'erflowest + In a fall of torrent hair; + Hiding what thou hast created + In a half-transparent shroud: + Thus, with glory soft-abated, + Shines the moon through vapoury cloud. + + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + + "Ev'n the Styx, which ninefold her infoldeth + Hems not Ceres' daughter in its flow; + But she grasps the apple--ever holdeth + Her, sad Orcus, down below." + SCHILLER, Das Ideal und das Leben. + +Ever as I sang, the veil was uplifted; ever as I sang, the signs +of life grew; till, when the eyes dawned upon me, it was with +that sunrise of splendour which my feeble song attempted to +re-imbody. + +The wonder is, that I was not altogether overcome, but was able +to complete my song as the unseen veil continued to rise. This +ability came solely from the state of mental elevation in which I +found myself. Only because uplifted in song, was I able to +endure the blaze of the dawn. But I cannot tell whether she +looked more of statue or more of woman; she seemed removed into +that region of phantasy where all is intensely vivid, but nothing +clearly defined. At last, as I sang of her descending hair, the +glow of soul faded away, like a dying sunset. A lamp within had +been extinguished, and the house of life shone blank in a winter +morn. She was a statue once more--but visible, and that was much +gained. Yet the revulsion from hope and fruition was such, that, +unable to restrain myself, I sprang to her, and, in defiance of +the law of the place, flung my arms around her, as if I would +tear her from the grasp of a visible Death, and lifted her from +the pedestal down to my heart. But no sooner had her feet ceased +to be in contact with the black pedestal, than she shuddered and +trembled all over; then, writhing from my arms, before I could +tighten their hold, she sprang into the corridor, with the +reproachful cry, "You should not have touched me!" darted behind +one of the exterior pillars of the circle, and disappeared. I +followed almost as fast; but ere I could reach the pillar, the +sound of a closing door, the saddest of all sounds sometimes, +fell on my ear; and, arriving at the spot where she had vanished, +I saw, lighted by a pale yellow lamp which hung above it, a +heavy, rough door, altogether unlike any others I had seen in the +palace; for they were all of ebony, or ivory, or covered with +silver-plates, or of some odorous wood, and very ornate; whereas +this seemed of old oak, with heavy nails and iron studs. +Notwithstanding the precipitation of my pursuit, I could not help +reading, in silver letters beneath the lamp: "NO ONE ENTERS HERE +WITHOUT THE LEAVE OF THE QUEEN." But what was the Queen to me, +when I followed my white lady? I dashed the door to the wall and +sprang through. Lo! I stood on a waste windy hill. Great stones +like tombstones stood all about me. No door, no palace was to be +seen. A white figure gleamed past me, wringing her hands, and +crying, "Ah! you should have sung to me; you should have sung to +me!" and disappeared behind one of the stones. I followed. A +cold gust of wind met me from behind the stone; and when I +looked, I saw nothing but a great hole in the earth, into which I +could find no way of entering. Had she fallen in? I could not +tell. I must wait for the daylight. I sat down and wept, for +there was no help. + + + + + + CHAPTER XVII + + "First, I thought, almost despairing, + This must crush my spirit now; + Yet I bore it, and am bearing-- + Only do not ask me how." + HEINE. + +When the daylight came, it brought the possibility of action, but +with it little of consolation. With the first visible increase +of light, I gazed into the chasm, but could not, for more than an +hour, see sufficiently well to discover its nature. At last I +saw it was almost a perpendicular opening, like a roughly +excavated well, only very large. I could perceive no bottom; and +it was not till the sun actually rose, that I discovered a sort +of natural staircase, in many parts little more than suggested, +which led round and round the gulf, descending spirally into its +abyss. I saw at once that this was my path; and without a +moment's hesitation, glad to quit the sunlight, which stared at +me most heartlessly, I commenced my tortuous descent. It was +very difficult. In some parts I had to cling to the rocks like a +bat. In one place, I dropped from the track down upon the next +returning spire of the stair; which being broad in this +particular portion, and standing out from the wall at right +angles, received me upon my feet safe, though somewhat stupefied +by the shock. After descending a great way, I found the stair +ended at a narrow opening which entered the rock horizontally. +Into this I crept, and, having entered, had just room to turn +round. I put my head out into the shaft by which I had come +down, and surveyed the course of my descent. Looking up, I saw +the stars; although the sun must by this time have been high in +the heavens. Looking below, I saw that the sides of the shaft +went sheer down, smooth as glass; and far beneath me, I saw the +reflection of the same stars I had seen in the heavens when I +looked up. I turned again, and crept inwards some distance, when +the passage widened, and I was at length able to stand and walk +upright. Wider and loftier grew the way; new paths branched off +on every side; great open halls appeared; till at last I found +myself wandering on through an underground country, in which the +sky was of rock, and instead of trees and flowers, there were +only fantastic rocks and stones. And ever as I went, darker grew +my thoughts, till at last I had no hope whatever of finding the +white lady: I no longer called her to myself MY white lady. +Whenever a choice was necessary, I always chose the path which +seemed to lead downwards. + +At length I began to find that these regions were inhabited. +From behind a rock a peal of harsh grating laughter, full of evil +humour, rang through my ears, and, looking round, I saw a queer, +goblin creature, with a great head and ridiculous features, just +such as those described, in German histories and travels, as +Kobolds. "What do you want with me?" I said. He pointed at me +with a long forefinger, very thick at the root, and sharpened to +a point, and answered, "He! he! he! what do YOU want here?" +Then, changing his tone, he continued, with mock +humility--"Honoured sir, vouchsafe to withdraw from thy slaves +the lustre of thy august presence, for thy slaves cannot support +its brightness." A second appeared, and struck in: "You are so +big, you keep the sun from us. We can't see for you, and we're +so cold." Thereupon arose, on all sides, the most terrific +uproar of laughter, from voices like those of children in volume, +but scrannel and harsh as those of decrepit age, though, +unfortunately, without its weakness. The whole pandemonium of +fairy devils, of all varieties of fantastic ugliness, both in +form and feature, and of all sizes from one to four feet, seemed +to have suddenly assembled about me. At length, after a great +babble of talk among themselves, in a language unknown to me, and +after seemingly endless gesticulation, consultation, +elbow-nudging, and unmitigated peals of laughter, they formed +into a circle about one of their number, who scrambled upon a +stone, and, much to my surprise, and somewhat to my dismay, began +to sing, in a voice corresponding in its nature to his talking +one, from beginning to end, the song with which I had brought the +light into the eyes of the white lady. He sang the same air too; +and, all the time, maintained a face of mock entreaty and +worship; accompanying the song with the travestied gestures of +one playing on the lute. The whole assembly kept silence, except +at the close of every verse, when they roared, and danced, and +shouted with laughter, and flung themselves on the ground, in +real or pretended convulsions of delight. When he had finished, +the singer threw himself from the top of the stone, turning heels +over head several times in his descent; and when he did alight, +it was on the top of his head, on which he hopped about, making +the most grotesque gesticulations with his legs in the air. +Inexpressible laughter followed, which broke up in a shower of +tiny stones from innumerable hands. They could not materially +injure me, although they cut me on the head and face. I +attempted to run away, but they all rushed upon me, and, laying +hold of every part that afforded a grasp, held me tight. +Crowding about me like bees, they shouted an insect-swarm of +exasperating speeches up into my face, among which the most +frequently recurring were--"You shan't have her; you shan't have +her; he! he! he! She's for a better man; how he'll kiss her! how +he'll kiss her!" + +The galvanic torrent of this battery of malevolence stung to life +within me a spark of nobleness, and I said aloud, "Well, if he is +a better man, let him have her." + +They instantly let go their hold of me, and fell back a step or +two, with a whole broadside of grunts and humphs, as of +unexpected and disappointed approbation. I made a step or two +forward, and a lane was instantly opened for me through the midst +of the grinning little antics, who bowed most politely to me on +every side as I passed. After I had gone a few yards, I looked +back, and saw them all standing quite still, looking after me, +like a great school of boys; till suddenly one turned round, and +with a loud whoop, rushed into the midst of the others. In an +instant, the whole was one writhing and tumbling heap of +contortion, reminding me of the live pyramids of intertwined +snakes of which travellers make report. As soon as one was +worked out of the mass, he bounded off a few paces, and then, +with a somersault and a run, threw himself gyrating into the air, +and descended with all his weight on the summit of the heaving +and struggling chaos of fantastic figures. I left them still +busy at this fierce and apparently aimless amusement. And as I +went, I sang-- + + If a nobler waits for thee, + I will weep aside; + It is well that thou should'st be, + Of the nobler, bride. + + For if love builds up the home, + Where the heart is free, + Homeless yet the heart must roam, + That has not found thee. + + One must suffer: I, for her + Yield in her my part + Take her, thou art worthier-- + Still I be still, my heart! + + Gift ungotten! largess high + Of a frustrate will! + But to yield it lovingly + Is a something still. + +Then a little song arose of itself in my soul; and I felt for the +moment, while it sank sadly within me, as if I was once more +walking up and down the white hall of Phantasy in the Fairy +Palace. But this lasted no longer than the song; as will be +seen. + + Do not vex thy violet + Perfume to afford: + Else no odour thou wilt get + From its little hoard. + + In thy lady's gracious eyes + Look not thou too long; + Else from them the glory flies, + And thou dost her wrong. + + Come not thou too near the maid, + Clasp her not too wild; + Else the splendour is allayed, + And thy heart beguiled. + +A crash of laughter, more discordant and deriding than any I had +yet heard, invaded my ears. Looking on in the direction of the +sound, I saw a little elderly woman, much taller, however, than +the goblins I had just left, seated upon a stone by the side of +the path. She rose, as I drew near, and came forward to meet me. + +She was very plain and commonplace in appearance, without being +hideously ugly. Looking up in my face with a stupid sneer, she +said: "Isn't it a pity you haven't a pretty girl to walk all +alone with you through this sweet country? How different +everything would look? wouldn't it? + +Strange that one can never have what one would like best! How +the roses would bloom and all that, even in this infernal hole! +wouldn't they, Anodos? Her eyes would light up the old cave, +wouldn't they?" + +"That depends on who the pretty girl should be," replied I. + +"Not so very much matter that," she answered; "look here." + +I had turned to go away as I gave my reply, but now I stopped and +looked at her. As a rough unsightly bud might suddenly blossom +into the most lovely flower; or rather, as a sunbeam bursts +through a shapeless cloud, and transfigures the earth; so burst a +face of resplendent beauty, as it were THROUGH the unsightly +visage of the woman, destroying it with light as it dawned +through it. A summer sky rose above me, gray with heat; across a +shining slumberous landscape, looked from afar the peaks of +snow-capped mountains; and down from a great rock beside me fell +a sheet of water mad with its own delight. + +"Stay with me," she said, lifting up her exquisite face, and +looking full in mine. + +I drew back. Again the infernal laugh grated upon my ears; again +the rocks closed in around me, and the ugly woman looked at me +with wicked, mocking hazel eyes. + +"You shall have your reward," said she. "You shall see your +white lady again." + +"That lies not with you," I replied, and turned and left her. + +She followed me with shriek upon shriek of laughter, as I went on +my way. + +I may mention here, that although there was always light enough +to see my path and a few yards on every side of me, I never could +find out the source of this sad sepulchral illumination. + + + + + CHAPTER XVIII + + "In the wind's uproar, the sea's raging grim, + And the sighs that are born in him." + HEINE. + + + "From dreams of bliss shall men awake + One day, but not to weep: + The dreams remain; they only break + The mirror of the sleep." + JEAN PAUL, Hesperus. + +How I got through this dreary part of my travels, I do not know. +I do not think I was upheld by the hope that any moment the light +might break in upon me; for I scarcely thought about that. I +went on with a dull endurance, varied by moments of +uncontrollable sadness; for more and more the conviction grew +upon me that I should never see the white lady again. It may +seem strange that one with whom I had held so little communion +should have so engrossed my thoughts; but benefits conferred +awaken love in some minds, as surely as benefits received in +others. Besides being delighted and proud that my songs had +called the beautiful creature to life, the same fact caused me to +feel a tenderness unspeakable for her, accompanied with a kind of +feeling of property in her; for so the goblin Selfishness would +reward the angel Love. When to all this is added, an +overpowering sense of her beauty, and an unquestioning conviction +that this was a true index to inward loveliness, it may be +understood how it came to pass that my imagination filled my +whole soul with the play of its own multitudinous colours and +harmonies around the form which yet stood, a gracious marble +radiance, in the midst of ITS white hall of phantasy. The time +passed by unheeded; for my thoughts were busy. Perhaps this was +also in part the cause of my needing no food, and never thinking +how I should find any, during this subterraneous part of my +travels. How long they endured I could not tell, for I had no +means of measuring time; and when I looked back, there was such a +discrepancy between the decisions of my imagination and my +judgment, as to the length of time that had passed, that I was +bewildered, and gave up all attempts to arrive at any conclusion +on the point. + +A gray mist continually gathered behind me. When I looked back +towards the past, this mist was the medium through which my eyes +had to strain for a vision of what had gone by; and the form of +the white lady had receded into an unknown region. At length the +country of rock began to close again around me, gradually and +slowly narrowing, till I found myself walking in a gallery of +rock once more, both sides of which I could touch with my +outstretched hands. It narrowed yet, until I was forced to move +carefully, in order to avoid striking against the projecting +pieces of rock. The roof sank lower and lower, until I was +compelled, first to stoop, and then to creep on my hands and +knees. It recalled terrible dreams of childhood; but I was not +much afraid, because I felt sure that this was my path, and my +only hope of leaving Fairy Land, of which I was now almost weary. + +At length, on getting past an abrupt turn in the passage, through +which I had to force myself, I saw, a few yards ahead of me, the +long- forgotten daylight shining through a small opening, to +which the path, if path it could now be called, led me. With +great difficulty I accomplished these last few yards, and came +forth to the day. I stood on the shore of a wintry sea, with a +wintry sun just a few feet above its horizon-edge. It was bare, +and waste, and gray. Hundreds of hopeless waves rushed +constantly shorewards, falling exhausted upon a beach of great +loose stones, that seemed to stretch miles and miles in both +directions. There was nothing for the eye but mingling shades of +gray; nothing for the ear but the rush of the coming, the roar of +the breaking, and the moan of the retreating wave. No rock +lifted up a sheltering severity above the dreariness around; even +that from which I had myself emerged rose scarcely a foot above +the opening by which I had reached the dismal day, more dismal +even than the tomb I had left. A cold, death-like wind swept +across the shore, seeming to issue from a pale mouth of cloud +upon the horizon. Sign of life was nowhere visible. I wandered +over the stones, up and down the beach, a human imbodiment of the +nature around me. The wind increased; its keen waves flowed +through my soul; the foam rushed higher up the stones; a few dead +stars began to gleam in the east; the sound of the waves grew +louder and yet more despairing. A dark curtain of cloud was +lifted up, and a pale blue rent shone between its foot and the +edge of the sea, out from which rushed an icy storm of frozen +wind, that tore the waters into spray as it passed, and flung the +billows in raving heaps upon the desolate shore. I could bear it +no longer. + +"I will not be tortured to death," I cried; "I will meet it +half-way. The life within me is yet enough to bear me up to the +face of Death, and then I die unconquered." + +Before it had grown so dark, I had observed, though without any +particular interest, that on one part of the shore a low platform +of rock seemed to run out far into the midst of the breaking +waters. + +Towards this I now went, scrambling over smooth stones, to which +scarce even a particle of sea-weed clung; and having found it, I +got on it, and followed its direction, as near as I could guess, +out into the tumbling chaos. I could hardly keep my feet against +the wind and sea. The waves repeatedly all but swept me off my +path; but I kept on my way, till I reached the end of the low +promontory, which, in the fall of the waves, rose a good many +feet above the surface, and, in their rise, was covered with +their waters. I stood one moment and gazed into the heaving +abyss beneath me; then plunged headlong into the mounting wave +below. A blessing, like the kiss of a mother, seemed to alight +on my soul; a calm, deeper than that which accompanies a hope +deferred, bathed my spirit. I sank far into the waters, and +sought not to return. I felt as if once more the great arms of +the beech-tree were around me, soothing me after the miseries I +had passed through, and telling me, like a little sick child, +that I should be better to-morrow. The waters of themselves +lifted me, as with loving arms, to the surface. I breathed +again, but did not unclose my eyes. I would not look on the +wintry sea, and the pitiless gray sky. Thus I floated, till +something gently touched me. It was a little boat floating +beside me. How it came there I could not tell; but it rose and +sank on the waters, and kept touching me in its fall, as if with +a human will to let me know that help was by me. It was a little +gay-coloured boat, seemingly covered with glistering scales like +those of a fish, all of brilliant rainbow hues. I scrambled into +it, and lay down in the bottom, with a sense of exquisite repose. + +Then I drew over me a rich, heavy, purple cloth that was beside +me; and, lying still, knew, by the sound of the waters, that my +little bark was fleeting rapidly onwards. Finding, however, none +of that stormy motion which the sea had manifested when I beheld +it from the shore, I opened my eyes; and, looking first up, saw +above me the deep violet sky of a warm southern night; and then, +lifting my head, saw that I was sailing fast upon a summer sea, +in the last border of a southern twilight. The aureole of the +sun yet shot the extreme faint tips of its longest rays above the +horizon- waves, and withdrew them not. It was a perpetual +twilight. The stars, great and earnest, like children's eyes, +bent down lovingly towards the waters; and the reflected stars +within seemed to float up, as if longing to meet their embraces. +But when I looked down, a new wonder met my view. For, vaguely +revealed beneath the wave, I floated above my whole Past. The +fields of my childhood flitted by; the halls of my youthful +labours; the streets of great cities where I had dwelt; and the +assemblies of men and women wherein I had wearied myself seeking +for rest. But so indistinct were the visions, that sometimes I +thought I was sailing on a shallow sea, and that strange rocks +and forests of sea-plants beguiled my eye, sufficiently to be +transformed, by the magic of the phantasy, into well-known +objects and regions. Yet, at times, a beloved form seemed to lie +close beneath me in sleep; and the eyelids would tremble as if +about to forsake the conscious eye; and the arms would heave +upwards, as if in dreams they sought for a satisfying presence. +But these motions might come only from the heaving of the waters +between those forms and me. Soon I fell asleep, overcome with +fatigue and delight. In dreams of unspeakable joy--of restored +friendships; of revived embraces; of love which said it had never +died; of faces that had vanished long ago, yet said with smiling +lips that they knew nothing of the grave; of pardons implored, +and granted with such bursting floods of love, that I was almost +glad I had sinned--thus I passed through this wondrous twilight. +I awoke with the feeling that I had been kissed and loved to my +heart's content; and found that my boat was floating motionless +by the grassy shore of a little island. + + + + + + CHAPTER XIX + + "In still rest, in changeless simplicity, I bear, uninterrupted, +the consciousness of the whole of Humanity within me." + SCHLEIERMACHERS, Monologen. + + ". . . such a sweetness, such a grace, + In all thy speech appear, + That what to th'eye a beauteous face, + That thy tongue is to the ear." + COWLEY. + +The water was deep to the very edge; and I sprang from the little +boat upon a soft grassy turf. The island seemed rich with a +profusion of all grasses and low flowers. All delicate lowly +things were most plentiful; but no trees rose skywards, not even +a bush overtopped the tall grasses, except in one place near the +cottage I am about to describe, where a few plants of the +gum-cistus, which drops every night all the blossoms that the day +brings forth, formed a kind of natural arbour. The whole island +lay open to the sky and sea. It rose nowhere more than a few +feet above the level of the waters, which flowed deep all around +its border. Here there seemed to be neither tide nor storm. A +sense of persistent calm and fulness arose in the mind at the +sight of the slow, pulse-like rise and fall of the deep, clear, +unrippled waters against the bank of the island, for shore it +could hardly be called, being so much more like the edge of a +full, solemn river. As I walked over the grass towards the +cottage, which stood at a little distance from the bank, all the +flowers of childhood looked at me with perfect child-eyes out of +the grass. My heart, softened by the dreams through which it had +passed, overflowed in a sad, tender love towards them. They +looked to me like children impregnably fortified in a helpless +confidence. The sun stood half- way down the western sky, +shining very soft and golden; and there grew a second world of +shadows amidst the world of grasses and wild flowers. + +The cottage was square, with low walls, and a high pyramidal roof +thatched with long reeds, of which the withered blossoms hung +over all the eaves. It is noticeable that most of the buildings +I saw in Fairy Land were cottages. There was no path to a door, +nor, indeed, was there any track worn by footsteps in the island. + +The cottage rose right out of the smooth turf. It had no windows +that I could see; but there was a door in the centre of the side +facing me, up to which I went. I knocked, and the sweetest voice +I had ever heard said, "Come in." I entered. A bright fire was +burning on a hearth in the centre of the earthern floor, and the +smoke found its way out at an opening in the centre of the +pyramidal roof. Over the fire hung a little pot, and over the +pot bent a woman-face, the most wonderful, I thought, that I had +ever beheld. For it was older than any countenance I had ever +looked upon. There was not a spot in which a wrinkle could lie, +where a wrinkle lay not. And the skin was ancient and brown, +like old parchment. The woman's form was tall and spare: and +when she stood up to welcome me, I saw that she was straight as +an arrow. Could that voice of sweetness have issued from those +lips of age? Mild as they were, could they be the portals whence +flowed such melody? But the moment I saw her eyes, I no longer +wondered at her voice: they were absolutely young--those of a +woman of five-and- twenty, large, and of a clear gray. Wrinkles +had beset them all about; the eyelids themselves were old, and +heavy, and worn; but the eyes were very incarnations of soft +light. She held out her hand to me, and the voice of sweetness +again greeted me, with the single word, "Welcome." She set an +old wooden chair for me, near the fire, and went on with her +cooking. A wondrous sense of refuge and repose came upon me. I +felt like a boy who has got home from school, miles across the +hills, through a heavy storm of wind and snow. Almost, as I +gazed on her, I sprang from my seat to kiss those old lips. And +when, having finished her cooking, she brought some of the dish +she had prepared, and set it on a little table by me, covered +with a snow- white cloth, I could not help laying my head on her +bosom, and bursting into happy tears. She put her arms round me, +saying, "Poor child; poor child!" + +As I continued to weep, she gently disengaged herself, and, +taking a spoon, put some of the food (I did not know what it was) +to my lips, entreating me most endearingly to swallow it. To +please her, I made an effort, and succeeded. She went on feeding +me like a baby, with one arm round me, till I looked up in her +face and smiled: then she gave me the spoon and told me to eat, +for it would do me good. I obeyed her, and found myself +wonderfully refreshed. Then she drew near the fire an +old-fashioned couch that was in the cottage, and making me lie +down upon it, sat at my feet, and began to sing. Amazing store +of old ballads rippled from her lips, over the pebbles of ancient +tunes; and the voice that sang was sweet as the voice of a +tuneful maiden that singeth ever from very fulness of song. The +songs were almost all sad, but with a sound of comfort. One I +can faintly recall. It was something like this: + + Sir Aglovaile through the churchyard rode; + SING, ALL ALONE I LIE: + Little recked he where'er he yode, + ALL ALONE, UP IN THE SKY. + + Swerved his courser, and plunged with fear + ALL ALONE I LIE: + His cry might have wakened the dead men near, + ALL ALONE, UP IN THE SKY. + + The very dead that lay at his feet, + Lapt in the mouldy winding-sheet. + + But he curbed him and spurred him, until he stood + Still in his place, like a horse of wood, + + With nostrils uplift, and eyes wide and wan; + But the sweat in streams from his fetlocks ran. + + A ghost grew out of the shadowy air, + And sat in the midst of her moony hair. + + In her gleamy hair she sat and wept; + In the dreamful moon they lay and slept; + + The shadows above, and the bodies below, + Lay and slept in the moonbeams slow. + + And she sang, like the moan of an autumn wind + Over the stubble left behind: + + Alas, how easily things go wrong +! A sigh too much, or a kiss too long, + And there follows a mist and a weeping rain, + And life is never the same again. + + Alas, how hardly things go right! + 'Tis hard to watch on a summer night, + For the sigh will come and the kiss will stay, + And the summer night is a winter day. + + "Oh, lovely ghosts my heart is woes + To see thee weeping and wailing so. + + Oh, lovely ghost," said the fearless knight, + "Can the sword of a warrior set it right? + + Or prayer of bedesman, praying mild, + As a cup of water a feverish child, + + Sooth thee at last, in dreamless mood + To sleep the sleep a dead lady should? + + Thine eyes they fill me with longing sore, + As if I had known thee for evermore. + + Oh, lovely ghost, I could leave the day + To sit with thee in the moon away + + If thou wouldst trust me, and lay thy head + To rest on a bosom that is not dead." + The lady sprang up with a strange ghost-cry, + And she flung her white ghost-arms on high: + + And she laughed a laugh that was not gay, + And it lengthened out till it died away; + + And the dead beneath turned and moaned, + And the yew-trees above they shuddered and groaned. + + "Will he love me twice with a love that is vain? + Will he kill the poor ghost yet again? + + I thought thou wert good; but I said, and wept: + `Can I have dreamed who have not slept?' + + And I knew, alas! or ever I would, + Whether I dreamed, or thou wert good. + + When my baby died, my brain grew wild. + I awoke, and found I was with my child." + + "If thou art the ghost of my Adelaide, + How is it? Thou wert but a village maid, + + And thou seemest an angel lady white, + Though thin, and wan, and past delight." + + The lady smiled a flickering smile, + And she pressed her temples hard the while. + + "Thou seest that Death for a woman can + Do more than knighthood for a man." + + "But show me the child thou callest mine, + Is she out to-night in the ghost's sunshine?" + + "In St. Peter's Church she is playing on, + At hide-and-seek, with Apostle John. + + When the moonbeams right through the window go, + Where the twelve are standing in glorious show, + + She says the rest of them do not stir, + But one comes down to play with her. + + Then I can go where I list, and weep, + For good St. John my child will keep." + + "Thy beauty filleth the very air, + Never saw I a woman so fair." + + "Come, if thou darest, and sit by my side; + But do not touch me, or woe will betide. + + Alas, I am weak: I might well know + This gladness betokens some further woe. + + Yet come. It will come. I will bear it. I can. + For thou lovest me yet--though but as a man." + + The knight dismounted in earnest speed; + Away through the tombstones thundered the steed, + + And fell by the outer wall, and died. + But the knight he kneeled by the lady's side; + + Kneeled beside her in wondrous bliss, + Rapt in an everlasting kiss: + + Though never his lips come the lady nigh, + And his eyes alone on her beauty lie. + + All the night long, till the cock crew loud, + He kneeled by the lady, lapt in her shroud. + + And what they said, I may not say: + Dead night was sweeter than living day. + + How she made him so blissful glad + Who made her and found her so ghostly sad, + + I may not tell; but it needs no touch + To make them blessed who love so much. + + "Come every night, my ghost, to me; + And one night I will come to thee. + + 'Tis good to have a ghostly wife: + She will not tremble at clang of strife; + + She will only hearken, amid the din, + Behind the door, if he cometh in." + + And this is how Sir Aglovaile + Often walked in the moonlight pale. + + And oft when the crescent but thinned the gloom, + Full orbed moonlight filled his room; + + And through beneath his chamber door, + Fell a ghostly gleam on the outer floor; + + And they that passed, in fear averred + That murmured words they often heard. + + 'Twas then that the eastern crescent shone + Through the chancel window, and good St. John + + Played with the ghost-child all the night, + And the mother was free till the morning light, + + And sped through the dawning night, to stay + With Aglovaile till the break of day. + + And their love was a rapture, lone and high, + And dumb as the moon in the topmost sky. + + One night Sir Aglovaile, weary, slept + And dreamed a dream wherein he wept. + + A warrior he was, not often wept he, + But this night he wept full bitterly. + + He woke--beside him the ghost-girl shone + Out of the dark: 'twas the eve of St. John. + + He had dreamed a dream of a still, dark wood, + Where the maiden of old beside him stood; + + But a mist came down, and caught her away, + And he sought her in vain through the pathless day, + + Till he wept with the grief that can do no more, + And thought he had dreamt the dream before. + + From bursting heart the weeping flowed on; + And lo! beside him the ghost-girl shone; + + Shone like the light on a harbour's breast, + Over the sea of his dream's unrest; + + Shone like the wondrous, nameless boon, + That the heart seeks ever, night or noon: + + Warnings forgotten, when needed most, + He clasped to his bosom the radiant ghost. + + She wailed aloud, and faded, and sank. + With upturn'd white face, cold and blank, + + In his arms lay the corpse of the maiden pale, + And she came no more to Sir Aglovaile. + + Only a voice, when winds were wild, + Sobbed and wailed like a chidden child. + + Alas, how easily things go wrong! + A sigh too much, or a kiss too long, + And there follows a mist and a weeping rain, + And life is never the same again. + +This was one of the simplest of her songs, which, perhaps, is +the cause of my being able to remember it better than most of the +others. While she sung, I was in Elysium, with the sense of a +rich soul upholding, embracing, and overhanging mine, full of all +plenty and bounty. I felt as if she could give me everything I +wanted; as if I should never wish to leave her, but would be +content to be sung to and fed by her, day after day, as years +rolled by. At last I fell asleep while she sang. + +When I awoke, I knew not whether it was night or day. The fire +had sunk to a few red embers, which just gave light enough to +show me the woman standing a few feet from me, with her back +towards me, facing the door by which I had entered. She was +weeping, but very gently and plentifully. The tears seemed to +come freely from her heart. Thus she stood for a few minutes; +then, slowly turning at right angles to her former position, she +faced another of the four sides of the cottage. I now observed, +for the first time, that here was a door likewise; and that, +indeed, there was one in the centre of every side of the cottage. + +When she looked towards the second door, her tears ceased to +flow, but sighs took their place. She often closed her eyes as +she stood; and every time she closed her eyes, a gentle sigh +seemed to be born in her heart, and to escape at her lips. But +when her eyes were open, her sighs were deep and very sad, and +shook her whole frame. Then she turned towards the third door, +and a cry as of fear or suppressed pain broke from her; but she +seemed to hearten herself against the dismay, and to front it +steadily; for, although I often heard a slight cry, and sometimes +a moan, yet she never moved or bent her head, and I felt sure +that her eyes never closed. Then she turned to the fourth door, +and I saw her shudder, and then stand still as a statue; till at +last she turned towards me and approached the fire. I saw that +her face was white as death. But she gave one look upwards, and +smiled the sweetest, most child-innocent smile; then heaped fresh +wood on the fire, and, sitting down by the blaze, drew her wheel +near her, and began to spin. While she spun, she murmured a low +strange song, to which the hum of the wheel made a kind of +infinite symphony. At length she paused in her spinning and +singing, and glanced towards me, like a mother who looks whether +or not her child gives signs of waking. She smiled when she saw +that my eyes were open. I asked her whether it was day yet. She +answered, "It is always day here, so long as I keep my fire +burning." + +I felt wonderfully refreshed; and a great desire to see more of +the island awoke within me. I rose, and saying that I wished to +look about me, went towards the door by which I had entered. + +"Stay a moment," said my hostess, with some trepidation in her +voice. "Listen to me. You will not see what you expect when you +go out of that door. Only remember this: whenever you wish to +come back to me, enter wherever you see this mark." + +She held up her left hand between me and the fire. Upon the +palm, which appeared almost transparent, I saw, in dark red, a +mark like this --> which I took care to fix in my mind. + +She then kissed me, and bade me good-bye with a solemnity that +awed me; and bewildered me too, seeing I was only going out for a +little ramble in an island, which I did not believe larger than +could easily be compassed in a few hours' walk at most. As I +went she resumed her spinning. + +I opened the door, and stepped out. The moment my foot touched +the smooth sward, I seemed to issue from the door of an old barn +on my father's estate, where, in the hot afternoons, I used to go +and lie amongst the straw, and read. It seemed to me now that I +had been asleep there. At a little distance in the field, I saw +two of my brothers at play. The moment they caught sight of me, +they called out to me to come and join them, which I did; and we +played together as we had done years ago, till the red sun went +down in the west, and the gray fog began to rise from the river. +Then we went home together with a strange happiness. As we went, +we heard the continually renewed larum of a landrail in the long +grass. One of my brothers and I separated to a little distance, +and each commenced running towards the part whence the sound +appeared to come, in the hope of approaching the spot where the +bird was, and so getting at least a sight of it, if we should not +be able to capture the little creature. My father's voice +recalled us from trampling down the rich long grass, soon to be +cut down and laid aside for the winter. I had quite forgotten +all about Fairy Land, and the wonderful old woman, and the +curious red mark. + +My favourite brother and I shared the same bed. Some childish +dispute arose between us; and our last words, ere we fell asleep, +were not of kindness, notwithstanding the pleasures of the day. +When I woke in the morning, I missed him. He had risen early, +and had gone to bathe in the river. In another hour, he was +brought home drowned. Alas! alas! if we had only gone to sleep +as usual, the one with his arm about the other! Amidst the +horror of the moment, a strange conviction flashed across my +mind, that I had gone through the very same once before. + +I rushed out of the house, I knew not why, sobbing and crying +bitterly. I ran through the fields in aimless distress, till, +passing the old barn, I caught sight of a red mark on the door. +The merest trifles sometimes rivet the attention in the deepest +misery; the intellect has so little to do with grief. I went up +to look at this mark, which I did not remember ever to have seen +before. As I looked at it, I thought I would go in and lie down +amongst the straw, for I was very weary with running about and +weeping. I opened the door; and there in the cottage sat the old +woman as I had left her, at her spinning-wheel. + +"I did not expect you quite so soon," she said, as I shut the +door behind me. I went up to the couch, and threw myself on it +with that fatigue wherewith one awakes from a feverish dream of +hopeless grief. + +The old woman sang: + + The great sun, benighted, + May faint from the sky; + But love, once uplighted, + Will never more die. + + Form, with its brightness, + From eyes will depart: + It walketh, in whiteness, + The halls of the heart. + +Ere she had ceased singing, my courage had returned. I started +from the couch, and, without taking leave of the old woman, +opened the door of Sighs, and sprang into what should appear. + +I stood in a lordly hall, where, by a blazing fire on the hearth, +sat a lady, waiting, I knew, for some one long desired. A mirror +was near me, but I saw that my form had no place within its +depths, so I feared not that I should be seen. The lady +wonderfully resembled my marble lady, but was altogether of the +daughters of men, and I could not tell whether or not it was she. + +It was not for me she waited. The tramp of a great horse rang +through the court without. It ceased, and the clang of armour +told that his rider alighted, and the sound of his ringing heels +approached the hall. The door opened; but the lady waited, for +she would meet her lord alone. He strode in: she flew like a +home-bound dove into his arms, and nestled on the hard steel. It +was the knight of the soiled armour. But now the armour shone +like polished glass; and strange to tell, though the mirror +reflected not my form, I saw a dim shadow of myself in the +shining steel. + +"O my beloved, thou art come, and I am blessed." + +Her soft fingers speedily overcame the hard clasp of his helmet; +one by one she undid the buckles of his armour; and she toiled +under the weight of the mail, as she WOULD carry it aside. Then +she unclasped his greaves, and unbuckled his spurs; and once more +she sprang into his arms, and laid her head where she could now +feel the beating of his heart. Then she disengaged herself from +his embrace, and, moving back a step or two, gazed at him. He +stood there a mighty form, crowned with a noble head, where all +sadness had disappeared, or had been absorbed in solemn purpose. +Yet I suppose that he looked more thoughtful than the lady had +expected to see him, for she did not renew her caresses, although +his face glowed with love, and the few words he spoke were as +mighty deeds for strength; but she led him towards the hearth, +and seated him in an ancient chair, and set wine before him, and +sat at his feet. + +"I am sad," he said, "when I think of the youth whom I met twice +in the forests of Fairy Land; and who, you say, twice, with his +songs, roused you from the death-sleep of an evil enchantment. +There was something noble in him, but it was a nobleness of +thought, and not of deed. He may yet perish of vile fear." + +"Ah!" returned the lady, "you saved him once, and for that I +thank you; for may I not say that I somewhat loved him? But tell +me how you fared, when you struck your battle-axe into the +ash-tree, and he came and found you; for so much of the story you +had told me, when the beggar-child came and took you away." + +"As soon as I saw him," rejoined the knight, "I knew that earthly +arms availed not against such as he; and that my soul must meet +him in its naked strength. So I unclasped my helm, and flung it +on the ground; and, holding my good axe yet in my hand, gazed at +him with steady eyes. On he came, a horror indeed, but I did not +flinch. Endurance must conquer, where force could not reach. He +came nearer and nearer, till the ghastly face was close to mine. +A shudder as of death ran through me; but I think I did not move, +for he seemed to quail, and retreated. As soon as he gave back, +I struck one more sturdy blow on the stem of his tree, that the +forest rang; and then looked at him again. He writhed and +grinned with rage and apparent pain, and again approached me, but +retreated sooner than before. I heeded him no more, but hewed +with a will at the tree, till the trunk creaked, and the head +bowed, and with a crash it fell to the earth. Then I looked up +from my labour, and lo! the spectre had vanished, and I saw him +no more; nor ever in my wanderings have I heard of him again." + +"Well struck! well withstood! my hero," said the lady. + +"But," said the knight, somewhat troubled, "dost thou love the +youth still?" + +"Ah!" she replied, "how can I help it? He woke me from worse +than death; he loved me. I had never been for thee, if he had +not sought me first. But I love him not as I love thee. He was +but the moon of my night; thou art the sun of my clay, O +beloved." + +"Thou art right," returned the noble man. "It were hard, indeed, +not to have some love in return for such a gift as he hath given +thee. I, too, owe him more than words can speak." + +Humbled before them, with an aching and desolate heart, I yet +could not restrain my words: + +"Let me, then, be the moon of thy night still, O woman! And when +thy day is beclouded, as the fairest days will be, let some song +of mine comfort thee, as an old, withered, half-forgotten thing, +that belongs to an ancient mournful hour of uncompleted birth, +which yet was beautiful in its time." + +They sat silent, and I almost thought they were listening. The +colour of the lady's eyes grew deeper and deeper; the slow tears +grew, and filled them, and overflowed. They rose, and passed, +hand in hand, close to where I stood; and each looked towards me +in passing. Then they disappeared through a door which closed +behind them; but, ere it closed, I saw that the room into which +it opened was a rich chamber, hung with gorgeous arras. I stood +with an ocean of sighs frozen in my bosom. I could remain no +longer. She was near me, and I could not see her; near me in the +arms of one loved better than I, and I would not see her, and I +would not be by her. But how to escape from the nearness of the +best beloved? I had not this time forgotten the mark; for the +fact that I could not enter the sphere of these living beings +kept me aware that, for me, I moved in a vision, while they moved +in life. I looked all about for the mark, but could see it +nowhere; for I avoided looking just where it was. There the dull +red cipher glowed, on the very door of their secret chamber. +Struck with agony, I dashed it open, and fell at the feet of the +ancient woman, who still spun on, the whole dissolved ocean of my +sighs bursting from me in a storm of tearless sobs. Whether I +fainted or slept, I do not know; but, as I returned to +consciousness, before I seemed to have power to move, I heard the +woman singing, and could distinguish the words: + + O light of dead and of dying days! + O Love! in thy glory go, + In a rosy mist and a moony maze, + O'er the pathless peaks of snow. + + But what is left for the cold gray soul, + That moans like a wounded dove? + One wine is left in the broken bowl!-- + 'Tis-- TO LOVE, AND LOVE AND LOVE. + + Now I could weep. When she saw me weeping, she sang: + + Better to sit at the waters' birth, + Than a sea of waves to win; + To live in the love that floweth forth, + Than the love that cometh in. + + Be thy heart a well of love, my child, + Flowing, and free, and sure; + For a cistern of love, though undefiled, + Keeps not the spirit pure. + +I rose from the earth, loving the white lady as I had never loved +her before. + +Then I walked up to the door of Dismay, and opened it, and went +out. And lo! I came forth upon a crowded street, where men and +women went to and fro in multitudes. I knew it well; and, +turning to one hand, walked sadly along the pavement. Suddenly I +saw approaching me, a little way off, a form well known to me +(WELL-KNOWN!--alas, how weak the word!) in the years when I +thought my boyhood was left behind, and shortly before I entered +the realm of Fairy Land. Wrong and Sorrow had gone together, +hand-in-hand as it is well they do. + +Unchangeably dear was that face. It lay in my heart as a child +lies in its own white bed; but I could not meet her. + +"Anything but that," I said, and, turning aside, sprang up the +steps to a door, on which I fancied I saw the mystic sign. I +entered--not the mysterious cottage, but her home. I rushed +wildly on, and stood by the door of her room. + +"She is out," I said, "I will see the old room once more." + +I opened the door gently, and stood in a great solemn church. A +deep- toned bell, whose sounds throbbed and echoed and swam +through the empty building, struck the hour of midnight. The +moon shone through the windows of the clerestory, and enough of +the ghostly radiance was diffused through the church to let me +see, walking with a stately, yet somewhat trailing and stumbling +step, down the opposite aisle, for I stood in one of the +transepts, a figure dressed in a white robe, whether for the +night, or for that longer night which lies too deep for the day, +I could not tell. Was it she? and was this her chamber? I +crossed the church, and followed. The figure stopped, seemed to +ascend as it were a high bed, and lay down. I reached the place +where it lay, glimmering white. The bed was a tomb. The light +was too ghostly to see clearly, but I passed my hand over the +face and the hands and the feet, which were all bare. They were +cold--they were marble, but I knew them. It grew dark. I turned +to retrace my steps, but found, ere long, that I had wandered +into what seemed a little chapel. I groped about, seeking the +door. Everything I touched belonged to the dead. My hands fell +on the cold effigy of a knight who lay with his legs crossed and +his sword broken beside him. He lay in his noble rest, and I +lived on in ignoble strife. I felt for the left hand and a +certain finger; I found there the ring I knew: he was one of my +own ancestors. I was in the chapel over the burial-vault of my +race. I called aloud: "If any of the dead are moving here, let +them take pity upon me, for I, alas! am still alive; and let some +dead woman comfort me, for I am a stranger in the land of the +dead, and see no light." A warm kiss alighted on my lips through +the dark. And I said, "The dead kiss well; I will not be +afraid." And a great hand was reached out of the dark, and +grasped mine for a moment, mightily and tenderly. I said to +myself: "The veil between, though very dark, is very thin." + +Groping my way further, I stumbled over the heavy stone that +covered the entrance of the vault: and, in stumbling, descried +upon the stone the mark, glowing in red fire. I caught the great +ring. All my effort could not have moved the huge slab; but it +opened the door of the cottage, and I threw myself once more, +pale and speechless, on the couch beside the ancient dame. She +sang once more: + + Thou dreamest: on a rock thou art, + High o'er the broken wave; + Thou fallest with a fearful start + But not into thy grave; + For, waking in the morning's light, + Thou smilest at the vanished night + + So wilt thou sink, all pale and dumb, + Into the fainting gloom; + But ere the coming terrors come, + Thou wak'st--where is the tomb? + Thou wak'st--the dead ones smile above, + With hovering arms of sleepless love. + + She paused; then sang again: + + We weep for gladness, weep for grief; + The tears they are the same; + We sigh for longing, and relief; + The sighs have but one name, + + And mingled in the dying strife, + Are moans that are not sad + The pangs of death are throbs of life, + Its sighs are sometimes glad. + + The face is very strange and white: + It is Earth's only spot + That feebly flickers back the light + The living seeth not. + + I fell asleep, and slept a dreamless sleep, for I know not how +long. When I awoke, I found that my hostess had moved from where +she had been sitting, and now sat between me and the fourth door. + +I guessed that her design was to prevent my entering there. I +sprang from the couch, and darted past her to the door. I opened +it at once and went out. All I remember is a cry of distress +from the woman: "Don't go there, my child! Don't go there!" +But I was gone. + +I knew nothing more; or, if I did, I had forgot it all when I +awoke to consciousness, lying on the floor of the cottage, with +my head in the lap of the woman, who was weeping over me, and +stroking my hair with both hands, talking to me as a mother might +talk to a sick and sleeping, or a dead child. As soon as I +looked up and saw her, she smiled through her tears; smiled with +withered face and young eyes, till her countenance was irradiated +with the light of the smile. Then she bathed my head and face +and hands in an icy cold, colourless liquid, which smelt a little +of damp earth. Immediately I was able to sit up. She rose and +put some food before me. When I had eaten, she said: +"Listen to me, my child. You must leave me directly!" + +"Leave you!" I said. "I am so happy with you. I never was so +happy in my life." + +"But you must go," she rejoined sadly. "Listen! What do you +hear?" + +"I hear the sound as of a great throbbing of water." + +"Ah! you do hear it? Well, I had to go through that door--the +door of the Timeless" (and she shuddered as she pointed to the +fourth door)-- "to find you; for if I had not gone, you would +never have entered again; and because I went, the waters around +my cottage will rise and rise, and flow and come, till they build +a great firmament of waters over my dwelling. But as long as I +keep my fire burning, they cannot enter. I have fuel enough for +years; and after one year they will sink away again, and be just +as they were before you came. I have not been buried for a +hundred years now." And she smiled and wept. + +"Alas! alas!" I cried. "I have brought this evil on the best and +kindest of friends, who has filled my heart with great gifts." + +"Do not think of that," she rejoined. "I can bear it very well. +You will come back to me some day, I know. But I beg you, for my +sake, my dear child, to do one thing. In whatever sorrow you may +be, however inconsolable and irremediable it may appear, believe +me that the old woman in the cottage, with the young eyes" (and +she smiled), "knows something, though she must not always tell +it, that would quite satisfy you about it, even in the worst +moments of your distress. + +Now you must go." + +"But how can I go, if the waters are all about, and if the doors +all lead into other regions and other worlds?" + +"This is not an island," she replied; "but is joined to the land +by a narrow neck; and for the door, I will lead you myself +through the right one." + +She took my hand, and led me through the third door; whereupon I +found myself standing in the deep grassy turf on which I had +landed from the little boat, but upon the opposite side of the +cottage. She pointed out the direction I must take, to find the +isthmus and escape the rising waters. + +Then putting her arms around me, she held me to her bosom; and as +I kissed her, I felt as if I were leaving my mother for the first +time, and could not help weeping bitterly. At length she gently +pushed me away, and with the words, "Go, my son, and do something +worth doing," turned back, and, entering the cottage, closed the +door behind her. +I felt very desolate as I went. + + + + + + CHAPTER XX + + "Thou hadst no fame; that which thou didst like good + Was but thy appetite that swayed thy blood + For that time to the best; for as a blast + That through a house comes, usually doth cast + Things out of order, yet by chance may come + And blow some one thing to his proper room, + So did thy appetite, and not thy zeal, + Sway thee by chance to do some one thing well." + FLETCHER'S Faithful Shepherdess. + + "The noble hart that harbours vertuous thought + And is with childe of glorious great intent, + Can never rest, until it forth have brought + Th' eternall brood of glorie excellent." + SPENSER, The Faerie Queene. + +I had not gone very far before I felt that the turf beneath my +feet was soaked with the rising waters. But I reached the +isthmus in safety. It was rocky, and so much higher than the +level of the peninsula, that I had plenty of time to cross. I +saw on each side of me the water rising rapidly, altogether +without wind, or violent motion, or broken waves, but as if a +slow strong fire were glowing beneath it. Ascending a steep +acclivity, I found myself at last in an open, rocky country. +After travelling for some hours, as nearly in a straight line as +I could, I arrived at a lonely tower, built on the top of a +little hill, which overlooked the whole neighbouring country. As +I approached, I heard the clang of an anvil; and so rapid were +the blows, that I despaired of making myself heard till a pause +in the work should ensue. It was some minutes before a cessation +took place; but when it did, I knocked loudly, and had not long +to wait; for, a moment after, the door was partly opened by a +noble-looking youth, half-undressed, glowing with heat, and +begrimed with the blackness of the forge. In one hand he held a +sword, so lately from the furnace that it yet shone with a dull +fire. As soon as he saw me, he threw the door wide open, and +standing aside, invited me very cordially to enter. I did so; +when he shut and bolted the door most carefully, and then led the +way inwards. He brought me into a rude hall, which seemed to +occupy almost the whole of the ground floor of the little tower, +and which I saw was now being used as a workshop. A huge fire +roared on the hearth, beside which was an anvil. By the anvil +stood, in similar undress, and in a waiting attitude, hammer in +hand, a second youth, tall as the former, but far more slightly +built. Reversing the usual course of perception in such +meetings, I thought them, at first sight, very unlike; and at the +second glance, knew that they were brothers. The former, and +apparently the elder, was muscular and dark, with curling hair, +and large hazel eyes, which sometimes grew wondrously soft. The +second was slender and fair, yet with a countenance like an +eagle, and an eye which, though pale blue, shone with an almost +fierce expression. He stood erect, as if looking from a lofty +mountain crag, over a vast plain outstretched below. As soon as +we entered the hall, the elder turned to me, and I saw that a +glow of satisfaction shone on both their faces. To my surprise +and great pleasure, he addressed me thus: + +"Brother, will you sit by the fire and rest, till we finish this +part of our work?" + +I signified my assent; and, resolved to await any disclosure they +might be inclined to make, seated myself in silence near the +hearth. + +The elder brother then laid the sword in the fire, covered it +well over, and when it had attained a sufficient degree of heat, +drew it out and laid it on the anvil, moving it carefully about, +while the younger, with a succession of quick smart blows, +appeared either to be welding it, or hammering one part of it to +a consenting shape with the rest. Having finished, they laid it +carefully in the fire; and, when it was very hot indeed, plunged +it into a vessel full of some liquid, whence a blue flame sprang +upwards, as the glowing steel entered. + +There they left it; and drawing two stools to the fire, sat down, +one on each side of me. + +"We are very glad to see you, brother. We have been expecting +you for some days," said the dark-haired youth. + +"I am proud to be called your brother," I rejoined; "and you will +not think I refuse the name, if I desire to know why you honour +me with it?" + +"Ah! then he does not know about it," said the younger. "We +thought you had known of the bond betwixt us, and the work we +have to do together. You must tell him, brother, from the +first." + +So the elder began: + +"Our father is king of this country. Before we were born, three +giant brothers had appeared in the land. No one knew exactly +when, and no one had the least idea whence they came. They took +possession of a ruined castle that had stood unchanged and +unoccupied within the memory of any of the country people. The +vaults of this castle had remained uninjured by time, and these, +I presume, they made use of at first. They were rarely seen, and +never offered the least injury to any one; so that they were +regarded in the neighbourhood as at least perfectly harmless, if +not rather benevolent beings. But it began to be observed, that +the old castle had assumed somehow or other, no one knew when or +how, a somewhat different look from what it used to have. Not +only were several breaches in the lower part of the walls built +up, but actually some of the battlements which yet stood, had +been repaired, apparently to prevent them from falling into worse +decay, while the more important parts were being restored. Of +course, every one supposed the giants must have a hand in the +work, but no one ever saw them engaged in it. The peasants +became yet more uneasy, after one, who had concealed himself, and +watched all night, in the neighbourhood of the castle, reported +that he had seen, in full moonlight, the three huge giants +working with might and main, all night long, restoring to their +former position some massive stones, formerly steps of a grand +turnpike stair, a great portion of which had long since fallen, +along with part of the wall of the round tower in which it had +been built. This wall they were completing, foot by foot, along +with the stair. But the people said they had no just pretext for +interfering: although the real reason for letting the giants +alone was, that everybody was far too much afraid of them to +interrupt them. + +"At length, with the help of a neighbouring quarry, the whole of +the external wall of the castle was finished. And now the +country folks were in greater fear than before. But for several +years the giants remained very peaceful. The reason of this was +afterwards supposed to be the fact, that they were distantly +related to several good people in the country; for, as long as +these lived, they remained quiet; but as soon as they were all +dead the real nature of the giants broke out. Having completed +the outside of their castle, they proceeded, by spoiling the +country houses around them, to make a quiet luxurious provision +for their comfort within. Affairs reached such a pass, that the +news of their robberies came to my father's ears; but he, alas! +was so crippled in his resources, by a war he was carrying on +with a neighbouring prince, that he could only spare a very few +men, to attempt the capture of their stronghold. Upon these the +giants issued in the night, and slew every man of them. And now, +grown bolder by success and impunity, they no longer confined +their depredations to property, but began to seize the persons of +their distinguished neighbours, knights and ladies, and hold them +in durance, the misery of which was heightened by all manner of +indignity, until they were redeemed by their friends, at an +exorbitant ransom. Many knights have adventured their overthrow, +but to their own instead; for they have all been slain, or +captured, or forced to make a hasty retreat. To crown their +enormities, if any man now attempts their destruction, they, +immediately upon his defeat, put one or more of their captives to +a shameful death, on a turret in sight of all passers-by; so that +they have been much less molested of late; and we, although we +have burned, for years, to attack these demons and destroy them, +dared not, for the sake of their captives, risk the adventure, +before we should have reached at least our earliest manhood. +Now, however, we are preparing for the attempt; and the grounds +of this preparation are these. Having only the resolution, and +not the experience necessary for the undertaking, we went and +consulted a lonely woman of wisdom, who lives not very far from +here, in the direction of the quarter from which you have come. +She received us most kindly, and gave us what seems to us the +best of advice. She first inquired what experience we had had in +arms. We told her we had been well exercised from our boyhood, +and for some years had kept ourselves in constant practice, with +a view to this necessity. + +"`But you have not actually fought for life and death?' said she. + +"We were forced to confess we had not. + +"`So much the better in some respects,' she replied. `Now listen +to me. Go first and work with an armourer, for as long time as +you find needful to obtain a knowledge of his craft; which will +not be long, seeing your hearts will be all in the work. Then go +to some lonely tower, you two alone. Receive no visits from man +or woman. There forge for yourselves every piece of armour that +you wish to wear, or to use, in your coming encounter. And keep +up your exercises. + +As, however, two of you can be no match for the three giants, I +will find you, if I can, a third brother, who will take on +himself the third share of the fight, and the preparation. +Indeed, I have already seen one who will, I think, be the very +man for your fellowship, but it will be some time before he comes +to me. He is wandering now without an aim. I will show him to +you in a glass, and, when he comes, you will know him at once. +If he will share your endeavours, you must teach him all you +know, and he will repay you well, in present song, and in future +deeds.' + +"She opened the door of a curious old cabinet that stood in the +room. On the inside of this door was an oval convex mirror. +Looking in it for some time, we at length saw reflected the place +where we stood, and the old dame seated in her chair. Our forms +were not reflected. But at the feet of the dame lay a young man, +yourself, weeping. + +"`Surely this youth will not serve our ends,' said I, `for he +weeps.' + +"The old woman smiled. `Past tears are present strength,' said +she. + +"`Oh!' said my brother, `I saw you weep once over an eagle you +shot.' + +"`That was because it was so like you, brother,' I replied; `but +indeed, this youth may have better cause for tears than that--I +was wrong.' + +"`Wait a while,' said the woman; `if I mistake not, he will make +you weep till your tears are dry for ever. Tears are the only +cure for weeping. And you may have need of the cure, before you +go forth to fight the giants. You must wait for him, in your +tower, till he comes.' + +"Now if you will join us, we will soon teach you to make your +armour; and we will fight together, and work together, and love +each other as never three loved before. And you will sing to us, +will you not?" + +"That I will, when I can," I answered; "but it is only at times +that the power of song comes upon me. For that I must wait; but +I have a feeling that if I work well, song will not be far off to +enliven the labour." + +This was all the compact made: the brothers required nothing +more, and I did not think of giving anything more. I rose, and +threw off my upper garments. + +"I know the uses of the sword," I said. "I am ashamed of my +white hands beside yours so nobly soiled and hard; but that shame +will soon be wiped away." + +"No, no; we will not work to-day. Rest is as needful as toil. +Bring the wine, brother; it is your turn to serve to-day." + +The younger brother soon covered a table with rough viands, but +good wine; and we ate and drank heartily, beside our work. +Before the meal was over, I had learned all their story. Each +had something in his heart which made the conviction, that he +would victoriously perish in the coming conflict, a real sorrow +to him. Otherwise they thought they would have lived enough. +The causes of their trouble were respectively these: + +While they wrought with an armourer, in a city famed for +workmanship in steel and silver, the elder had fallen in love +with a lady as far beneath him in real rank, as she was above the +station he had as apprentice to an armourer. Nor did he seek to +further his suit by discovering himself; but there was simply so +much manhood about him, that no one ever thought of rank when in +his company. This is what his brother said about it. The lady +could not help loving him in return. He told her when he left +her, that he had a perilous adventure before him, and that when +it was achieved, she would either see him return to claim her, or +hear that he had died with honour. The younger brother's grief +arose from the fact, that, if they were both slain, his old +father, the king, would be childless. His love for his father +was so exceeding, that to one unable to sympathise with it, it +would have appeared extravagant. Both loved him equally at +heart; but the love of the younger had been more developed, +because his thoughts and anxieties had not been otherwise +occupied. When at home, he had been his constant companion; and, +of late, had ministered to the infirmities of his growing age. +The youth was never weary of listening to the tales of his sire's +youthful adventures; and had not yet in the smallest degree lost +the conviction, that his father was the greatest man in the +world. The grandest triumph possible to his conception was, to +return to his father, laden with the spoils of one of the hated +giants. But they both were in some dread, lest the thought of +the loneliness of these two might occur to them, in the moment +when decision was most necessary, and disturb, in some degree, +the self-possession requisite for the success of their attempt. +For, as I have said, they were yet untried in actual conflict. +"Now," thought I, "I see to what the powers of my gift must +minister." For my own part, I did not dread death, for I had +nothing to care to live for; but I dreaded the encounter because +of the responsibility connected with it. I resolved however to +work hard, and thus grow cool, and quick, and forceful. + +The time passed away in work and song, in talk and ramble, in +friendly fight and brotherly aid. I would not forge for myself +armour of heavy mail like theirs, for I was not so powerful as +they, and depended more for any success I might secure, upon +nimbleness of motion, certainty of eye, and ready response of +hand. Therefore I began to make for myself a shirt of steel +plates and rings; which work, while more troublesome, was better +suited to me than the heavier labour. Much assistance did the +brothers give me, even after, by their instructions, I was able +to make some progress alone. Their work was in a moment +abandoned, to render any required aid to mine. As the old woman +had promised, I tried to repay them with song; and many were the +tears they both shed over my ballads and dirges. The songs they +liked best to hear were two which I made for them. They were not +half so good as many others I knew, especially some I had learned +from the wise woman in the cottage; but what comes nearest to our +needs we like the best. + +I The king sat on his throne + Glowing in gold and red; + The crown in his right hand shone, + And the gray hairs crowned his head. + + His only son walks in, + And in walls of steel he stands: + Make me, O father, strong to win, + With the blessing of holy hands." + + He knelt before his sire, + Who blessed him with feeble smile + His eyes shone out with a kingly fire, + But his old lips quivered the while. + + "Go to the fight, my son, + Bring back the giant's head; + And the crown with which my brows have done, + Shall glitter on thine instead." + + "My father, I seek no crowns, + But unspoken praise from thee; + For thy people's good, and thy renown, + I will die to set them free." + + The king sat down and waited there, + And rose not, night nor day; + Till a sound of shouting filled the air, + And cries of a sore dismay. + + Then like a king he sat once more, + With the crown upon his head; + And up to the throne the people bore + A mighty giant dead. + + And up to the throne the people bore + A pale and lifeless boy. + The king rose up like a prophet of yore, + In a lofty, deathlike joy. + + He put the crown on the chilly brow: + "Thou should'st have reigned with me + But Death is the king of both, and now + I go to obey with thee. + + "Surely some good in me there lay, + To beget the noble one." + The old man smiled like a winter day, + And fell beside his son. + +II "O lady, thy lover is dead," they cried; + "He is dead, but hath slain the foe; + He hath left his name to be magnified + In a song of wonder and woe." + + "Alas! I am well repaid," said she, + "With a pain that stings like joy: + For I feared, from his tenderness to me, + That he was but a feeble boy. + + "Now I shall hold my head on high, + The queen among my kind; + If ye hear a sound, 'tis only a sigh + For a glory left behind." + +The first three times I sang these songs they both wept +passionately. But after the third time, they wept no more. +Their eyes shone, and their faces grew pale, but they never wept +at any of my songs again. + + + + + + CHAPTER XXI + + "I put my life in my hands."--The Book of Judges. + +At length, with much toil and equal delight, our armour was +finished. We armed each other, and tested the strength of the +defence, with many blows of loving force. I was inferior in +strength to both my brothers, but a little more agile than +either; and upon this agility, joined to precision in hitting +with the point of my weapon, I grounded my hopes of success in +the ensuing combat. I likewise laboured to develop yet more the +keenness of sight with which I was naturally gifted; and, from +the remarks of my companions, I soon learned that my endeavours +were not in vain. + +The morning arrived on which we had determined to make the +attempt, and succeed or perish--perhaps both. We had resolved to +fight on foot; knowing that the mishap of many of the knights who +had made the attempt, had resulted from the fright of their +horses at the appearance of the giants; and believing with Sir +Gawain, that, though mare's sons might be false to us, the earth +would never prove a traitor. But most of our preparations were, +in their immediate aim at least, frustrated. + +We rose, that fatal morning, by daybreak. We had rested from all +labour the day before, and now were fresh as the lark. We bathed +in cold spring water, and dressed ourselves in clean garments, +with a sense of preparation, as for a solemn festivity. When we +had broken our fast, I took an old lyre, which I had found in the +tower and had myself repaired, and sung for the last time the two +ballads of which I have said so much already. I followed them +with this, for a closing song: + + Oh, well for him who breaks his dream + With the blow that ends the strife + And, waking, knows the peace that flows + Around the pain of life! + + We are dead, my brothers! Our bodies clasp, + As an armour, our souls about; + This hand is the battle-axe I grasp, + And this my hammer stout. + + Fear not, my brothers, for we are dead; + No noise can break our rest; + The calm of the grave is about the head, + And the heart heaves not the breast. + + And our life we throw to our people back, + To live with, a further store; + We leave it them, that there be no lack + In the land where we live no more. + + Oh, well for him who breaks his dream + With the blow that ends the strife + And, waking, knows the peace that flows + Around the noise of life! + + As the last few tones of the instrument were following, like a +dirge, the death of the song, we all sprang to our feet. For, +through one of the little windows of the tower, towards which I +had looked as I sang, I saw, suddenly rising over the edge of the +slope on which our tower stood, three enormous heads. The +brothers knew at once, by my looks, what caused my sudden +movement. We were utterly unarmed, and there was no time to arm. + +But we seemed to adopt the same resolution simultaneously; for +each caught up his favourite weapon, and, leaving his defence +behind, sprang to the door. I snatched up a long rapier, +abruptly, but very finely pointed, in my sword-hand, and in the +other a sabre; the elder brother seized his heavy battle-axe; and +the younger, a great, two-handed sword, which he wielded in one +hand like a feather. We had just time to get clear of the tower, +embrace and say good-bye, and part to some little distance, that +we might not encumber each other's motions, ere the triple +giant-brotherhood drew near to attack us. They were about twice +our height, and armed to the teeth. Through the visors of their +helmets their monstrous eyes shone with a horrible ferocity. I +was in the middle position, and the middle giant approached me. +My eyes were busy with his armour, and I was not a moment in +settling my mode of attack. I saw that his body- armour was +somewhat clumsily made, and that the overlappings in the lower +part had more play than necessary; and I hoped that, in a +fortunate moment, some joint would open a little, in a visible +and accessible part. I stood till he came near enough to aim a +blow at me with the mace, which has been, in all ages, the +favourite weapon of giants, when, of course, I leaped aside, and +let the blow fall upon the spot where I had been standing. I +expected this would strain the joints of his armour yet more. +Full of fury, he made at me again; but I kept him busy, +constantly eluding his blows, and hoping thus to fatigue him. He +did not seem to fear any assault from me, and I attempted none as +yet; but while I watched his motions in order to avoid his blows, +I, at the same time, kept equal watch upon those joints of his +armour, through some one of which I hoped to reach his life. At +length, as if somewhat fatigued, he paused a moment, and drew +himself slightly up; I bounded forward, foot and hand, ran my +rapier right through to the armour of his back, let go the hilt, +and passing under his right arm, turned as he fell, and flew at +him with my sabre. At one happy blow I divided the band of his +helmet, which fell off, and allowed me, with a second cut across +the eyes, to blind him quite; after which I clove his head, and +turned, uninjured, to see how my brothers had fared. Both the +giants were down, but so were my brothers. I flew first to the +one and then to the other couple. Both pairs of combatants were +dead, and yet locked together, as in the death-struggle. The +elder had buried his battle-axe in the body of his foe, and had +fallen beneath him as he fell. The giant had strangled him in +his own death-agonies. The younger had nearly hewn off the left +leg of his enemy; and, grappled with in the act, had, while they +rolled together on the earth, found for his dagger a passage +betwixt the gorget and cuirass of the giant, and stabbed him +mortally in the throat. The blood from the giant's throat was +yet pouring over the hand of his foe, which still grasped the +hilt of the dagger sheathed in the wound. They lay silent. I, +the least worthy, remained the sole survivor in the lists. + +As I stood exhausted amidst the dead, after the first worthy deed +of my life, I suddenly looked behind me, and there lay the +Shadow, black in the sunshine. I went into the lonely tower, and +there lay the useless armour of the noble youths--supine as they. + +Ah, how sad it looked! It was a glorious death, but it was +death. My songs could not comfort me now. I was almost ashamed +that I was alive, when they, the true-hearted, were no more. And +yet I breathed freer to think that I had gone through the trial, +and had not failed. And perhaps I may be forgiven, if some +feelings of pride arose in my bosom, when I looked down on the +mighty form that lay dead by my hand. + +"After all, however," I said to myself, and my heart sank, "it +was only skill. Your giant was but a blunderer." + +I left the bodies of friends and foes, peaceful enough when the +death- fight was over, and, hastening to the country below, +roused the peasants. They came with shouting and gladness, +bringing waggons to carry the bodies. I resolved to take the +princes home to their father, each as he lay, in the arms of his +country's foe. But first I searched the giants, and found the +keys of their castle, to which I repaired, followed by a great +company of the people. It was a place of wonderful strength. I +released the prisoners, knights and ladies, all in a sad +condition, from the cruelties and neglects of the giants. It +humbled me to see them crowding round me with thanks, when in +truth the glorious brothers, lying dead by their lonely tower, +were those to whom the thanks belonged. I had but aided in +carrying out the thought born in their brain, and uttered in +visible form before ever I laid hold thereupon. Yet I did count +myself happy to have been chosen for their brother in this great +dead. + +After a few hours spent in refreshing and clothing the prisoners, +we all commenced our journey towards the capital. This was slow +at first; but, as the strength and spirits of the prisoners +returned, it became more rapid; and in three days we reached the +palace of the king. As we entered the city gates, with the huge +bulks lying each on a waggon drawn by horses, and two of them +inextricably intertwined with the dead bodies of their princes, +the people raised a shout and then a cry, and followed in +multitudes the solemn procession. + +I will not attempt to describe the behaviour of the grand old +king. Joy and pride in his sons overcame his sorrow at their +loss. On me he heaped every kindness that heart could devise or +hand execute. He used to sit and question me, night after night, +about everything that was in any way connected with them and +their preparations. Our mode of life, and relation to each +other, during the time we spent together, was a constant theme. +He entered into the minutest details of the construction of the +armour, even to a peculiar mode of riveting some of the plates, +with unwearying interest. This armour I had intended to beg of +the king, as my sole memorials of the contest; but, when I saw +the delight he took in contemplating it, and the consolation it +appeared to afford him in his sorrow, I could not ask for it; +but, at his request, left my own, weapons and all, to be joined +with theirs in a trophy, erected in the grand square of the +palace. The king, with gorgeous ceremony, dubbed me knight with +his own old hand, in which trembled the sword of his youth. + +During the short time I remained, my company was, naturally, much +courted by the young nobles. I was in a constant round of gaiety +and diversion, notwithstanding that the court was in mourning. +For the country was so rejoiced at the death of the giants, and +so many of their lost friends had been restored to the nobility +and men of wealth, that the gladness surpassed the grief. "Ye +have indeed left your lives to your people, my great brothers!" I +said. + +But I was ever and ever haunted by the old shadow, which I had +not seen all the time that I was at work in the tower. Even in +the society of the ladies of the court, who seemed to think it +only their duty to make my stay there as pleasant to me as +possible, I could not help being conscious of its presence, +although it might not be annoying me at the time. At length, +somewhat weary of uninterrupted pleasure, and nowise strengthened +thereby, either in body or mind, I put on a splendid suit of +armour of steel inlaid with silver, which the old king had given +me, and, mounting the horse on which it had been brought to me, +took my leave of the palace, to visit the distant city in which +the lady dwelt, whom the elder prince had loved. I anticipated a +sore task, in conveying to her the news of his glorious fate: but +this trial was spared me, in a manner as strange as anything that +had happened to me in Fairy Land. + + + + + + CHAPTER XXII + + "No one has my form but the I." + Schoppe, in JEAN PAUL'S Titan. + + "Joy's a subtil elf. + I think man's happiest when he forgets himself." + CYRIL TOURNEUR, The Revenger's Tragedy. +On the third day of my journey, I was riding gently along a road, +apparently little frequented, to judge from the grass that grew +upon it. I was approaching a forest. Everywhere in Fairy Land +forests are the places where one may most certainly expect +adventures. As I drew near, a youth, unarmed, gentle, and +beautiful, who had just cut a branch from a yew growing on the +skirts of the wood, evidently to make himself a bow, met me, and +thus accosted me: + +"Sir knight, be careful as thou ridest through this forest; for +it is said to be strangely enchanted, in a sort which even those +who have been witnesses of its enchantment can hardly describe." + +I thanked him for his advice, which I promised to follow, and +rode on. But the moment I entered the wood, it seemed to me +that, if enchantment there was, it must be of a good kind; for +the Shadow, which had been more than usually dark and +distressing, since I had set out on this journey, suddenly +disappeared. I felt a wonderful elevation of spirits, and began +to reflect on my past life, and especially on my combat with the +giants, with such satisfaction, that I had actually to remind +myself, that I had only killed one of them; and that, but for the +brothers, I should never have had the idea of attacking them, not +to mention the smallest power of standing to it. Still I +rejoiced, and counted myself amongst the glorious knights of old; +having even the unspeakable presumption--my shame and self- +condemnation at the memory of it are such, that I write it as the +only and sorest penance I can perform--to think of myself (will +the world believe it?) as side by side with Sir Galahad! +Scarcely had the thought been born in my mind, when, approaching +me from the left, through the trees, I espied a resplendent +knight, of mighty size, whose armour seemed to shine of itself, +without the sun. When he drew near, I was astonished to see that +this armour was like my own; nay, I could trace, line for line, +the correspondence of the inlaid silver to the device on my own. +His horse, too, was like mine in colour, form, and motion; save +that, like his rider, he was greater and fiercer than his +counterpart. The knight rode with beaver up. As he halted right +opposite to me in the narrow path, barring my way, I saw the +reflection of my countenance in the centre plate of shining steel +on his breastplate. Above it rose the same face--his face--only, +as I have said, larger and fiercer. I was bewildered. I could +not help feeling some admiration of him, but it was mingled with +a dim conviction that he was evil, and that I ought to fight with +him. + +"Let me pass," I said. + +"When I will," he replied. + +Something within me said: "Spear in rest, and ride at him! else +thou art for ever a slave." + +I tried, but my arm trembled so much, that I could not couch my +lance. To tell the truth, I, who had overcome the giant, shook +like a coward before this knight. He gave a scornful laugh, that +echoed through the wood, turned his horse, and said, without +looking round, "Follow me." + +I obeyed, abashed and stupefied. How long he led, and how long I +followed, I cannot tell. "I never knew misery before," I said to +myself. "Would that I had at least struck him, and had had my +death- blow in return! Why, then, do I not call to him to wheel +and defend himself? Alas! I know not why, but I cannot. One +look from him would cow me like a beaten hound." I followed, and +was silent. + +At length we came to a dreary square tower, in the middle of a +dense forest. It looked as if scarce a tree had been cut down to +make room for it. Across the very door, diagonally, grew the +stem of a tree, so large that there was just room to squeeze past +it in order to enter. One miserable square hole in the roof was +the only visible suggestion of a window. Turret or battlement, +or projecting masonry of any kind, it had none. Clear and smooth +and massy, it rose from its base, and ended with a line straight +and unbroken. The roof, carried to a centre from each of the +four walls, rose slightly to the point where the rafters met. +Round the base lay several little heaps of either bits of broken +branches, withered and peeled, or half- whitened bones; I could +not distinguish which. As I approached, the ground sounded +hollow beneath my horse's hoofs. The knight took a great key +from his pocket, and reaching past the stem of the tree, with +some difficulty opened the door. "Dismount," he commanded. I +obeyed. He turned my horse's head away from the tower, gave him +a terrible blow with the flat side of his sword, and sent him +madly tearing through the forest. + +"Now," said he, "enter, and take your companion with you." + +I looked round: knight and horse had vanished, and behind me lay +the horrible shadow. I entered, for I could not help myself; and +the shadow followed me. I had a terrible conviction that the +knight and he were one. The door closed behind me. + +Now I was indeed in pitiful plight. There was literally nothing +in the tower but my shadow and me. The walls rose right up to +the roof; in which, as I had seen from without, there was one +little square opening. This I now knew to be the only window the +tower possessed. I sat down on the floor, in listless +wretchedness. I think I must have fallen asleep, and have slept +for hours; for I suddenly became aware of existence, in observing +that the moon was shining through the hole in the roof. As she +rose higher and higher, her light crept down the wall over me, +till at last it shone right upon my head. Instantaneously the +walls of the tower seemed to vanish away like a mist. I sat +beneath a beech, on the edge of a forest, and the open country +lay, in the moonlight, for miles and miles around me, spotted +with glimmering houses and spires and towers. I thought with +myself, "Oh, joy! it was only a dream; the horrible narrow waste +is gone, and I wake beneath a beech-tree, perhaps one that loves +me, and I can go where I will." I rose, as I thought, and walked +about, and did what I would, but ever kept near the tree; for +always, and, of course, since my meeting with the woman of the +beech-tree far more than ever, I loved that tree. So the night +wore on. I waited for the sun to rise, before I could venture to +renew my journey. But as soon as the first faint light of the +dawn appeared, instead of shining upon me from the eye of the +morning, it stole like a fainting ghost through the little square +hole above my head; and the walls came out as the light grew, and +the glorious night was swallowed up of the hateful day. The long +dreary day passed. My shadow lay black on the floor. I felt no +hunger, no need of food. The night came. The moon shone. I +watched her light slowly descending the wall, as I might have +watched, adown the sky, the long, swift approach of a helping +angel. Her rays touched me, and I was free. Thus night after +night passed away. I should have died but for this. Every night +the conviction returned, that I was free. Every morning I sat +wretchedly disconsolate. At length, when the course of the moon +no longer permitted her beams to touch me, the night was dreary +as the day. + +When I slept, I was somewhat consoled by my dreams; but all the +time I dreamed, I knew that I was only dreaming. But one night, +at length, the moon, a mere shred of pallor, scattered a few thin +ghostly rays upon me; and I think I fell asleep and dreamed. I +sat in an autumn night before the vintage, on a hill overlooking +my own castle. My heart sprang with joy. Oh, to be a child +again, innocent, fearless, without shame or desire! I walked +down to the castle. All were in consternation at my absence. My +sisters were weeping for my loss. They sprang up and clung to +me, with incoherent cries, as I entered. My old friends came +flocking round me. A gray light shone on the roof of the hall. +It was the light of the dawn shining through the square window of +my tower. More earnestly than ever, I longed for freedom after +this dream; more drearily than ever, crept on the next wretched +day. I measured by the sunbeams, caught through the little +window in the trap of my tower, how it went by, waiting only for +the dreams of the night. + +About noon, I started as if something foreign to all my senses +and all my experience, had suddenly invaded me; yet it was only +the voice of a woman singing. My whole frame quivered with joy, +surprise, and the sensation of the unforeseen. Like a living +soul, like an incarnation of Nature, the song entered my +prison-house. Each tone folded its wings, and laid itself, like +a caressing bird, upon my heart. It bathed me like a sea; +inwrapt me like an odorous vapour; entered my soul like a long +draught of clear spring-water; shone upon me like essential +sunlight; soothed me like a mother's voice and hand. Yet, as the +clearest forest-well tastes sometimes of the bitterness of +decayed leaves, so to my weary, prisoned heart, its cheerfulness +had a sting of cold, and its tenderness unmanned me with the +faintness of long-departed joys. I wept half-bitterly, +half-luxuriously; but not long. I dashed away the tears, ashamed +of a weakness which I thought I had abandoned. Ere I knew, I had +walked to the door, and seated myself with my ears against it, in +order to catch every syllable of the revelation from the unseen +outer world. And now I heard each word distinctly. The singer +seemed to be standing or sitting near the tower, for the sounds +indicated no change of place. The song was something like this: + + The sun, like a golden knot on high, + Gathers the glories of the sky, + And binds them into a shining tent, + Roofing the world with the firmament. + And through the pavilion the rich winds blow, + And through the pavilion the waters go. + And the birds for joy, and the trees for prayer, + Bowing their heads in the sunny air, + And for thoughts, the gently talking springs, + That come from the centre with secret things-- + All make a music, gentle and strong, + Bound by the heart into one sweet song. + And amidst them all, the mother Earth + Sits with the children of her birth; + She tendeth them all, as a mother hen + Her little ones round her, twelve or ten: + Oft she sitteth, with hands on knee, + Idle with love for her family. + Go forth to her from the dark and the dust, + And weep beside her, if weep thou must; + If she may not hold thee to her breast, + Like a weary infant, that cries for rest + At least she will press thee to her knee, + And tell a low, sweet tale to thee, + Till the hue to thy cheeky and the light to thine eye, + Strength to thy limbs, and courage high + To thy fainting heart, return amain, + And away to work thou goest again. + From the narrow desert, O man of pride, + Come into the house, so high and wide. + + +Hardly knowing what I did, I opened the door. Why had I not done +so before? I do not know. + +At first I could see no one; but when I had forced myself past +the tree which grew across the entrance, I saw, seated on the +ground, and leaning against the tree, with her back to my prison, +a beautiful woman. Her countenance seemed known to me, and yet +unknown. She looked at me and smiled, when I made my appearance. + +"Ah! were you the prisoner there? I am very glad I have wiled +you out." + +"Do you know me then?" +"Do you not know me? But you hurt me, and that, I suppose, makes +it easy for a man to forget. You broke my globe. Yet I thank +you. Perhaps I owe you many thanks for breaking it. I took the +pieces, all black, and wet with crying over them, to the Fairy +Queen. There was no music and no light in them now. But she +took them from me, and laid them aside; and made me go to sleep +in a great hall of white, with black pillars, and many red +curtains. When I woke in the morning, I went to her, hoping to +have my globe again, whole and sound; but she sent me away +without it, and I have not seen it since. Nor do I care for it +now. I have something so much better. I do not need the globe +to play to me; for I can sing. I could not sing at all before. +Now I go about everywhere through Fairy Land, singing till my +heart is like to break, just like my globe, for very joy at my +own songs. And wherever I go, my songs do good, and deliver +people. And now I have delivered you, and I am so happy." + +She ceased, and the tears came into her eyes. + +All this time, I had been gazing at her; and now fully recognised +the face of the child, glorified in the countenance of the woman. + +I was ashamed and humbled before her; but a great weight was +lifted from my thoughts. I knelt before her, and thanked her, +and begged her to forgive me. + +"Rise, rise," she said; "I have nothing to forgive; I thank you. +But now I must be gone, for I do not know how many may be waiting +for me, here and there, through the dark forests; and they cannot +come out till I come." + +She rose, and with a smile and a farewell, turned and left me. I +dared not ask her to stay; in fact, I could hardly speak to her. +Between her and me, there was a great gulf. She was uplifted, by +sorrow and well-doing, into a region I could hardly hope ever to +enter. I watched her departure, as one watches a sunset. She +went like a radiance through the dark wood, which was henceforth +bright to me, from simply knowing that such a creature was in it. + +She was bearing the sun to the unsunned spots. The light and the +music of her broken globe were now in her heart and her brain. +As she went, she sang; and I caught these few words of her song; +and the tones seemed to linger and wind about the trees after she +had disappeared: + + Thou goest thine, and I go mine-- + Many ways we wend; + Many days, and many ways, + Ending in one end. + + Many a wrong, and its curing song; + Many a road, and many an inn; + Room to roam, but only one home + For all the world to win. + And so she vanished. With a sad heart, soothed by humility, and +the knowledge of her peace and gladness, I bethought me what now +I should do. First, I must leave the tower far behind me, lest, +in some evil moment, I might be once more caged within its +horrible walls. But it was ill walking in my heavy armour; and +besides I had now no right to the golden spurs and the +resplendent mail, fitly dulled with long neglect. I might do for +a squire; but I honoured knighthood too highly, to call myself +any longer one of the noble brotherhood. I stripped off all my +armour, piled it under the tree, just where the lady had been +seated, and took my unknown way, eastward through the woods. Of +all my weapons, I carried only a short axe in my hand. + +Then first I knew the delight of being lowly; of saying to +myself, "I am what I am, nothing more." "I have failed," I said, +"I have lost myself--would it had been my shadow." I looked +round: the shadow was nowhere to be seen. Ere long, I learned +that it was not myself, but only my shadow, that I had lost. I +learned that it is better, a thousand-fold, for a proud man to +fall and be humbled, than to hold up his head in his pride and +fancied innocence. I learned that he that will be a hero, will +barely be a man; that he that will be nothing but a doer of his +work, is sure of his manhood. In nothing was my ideal lowered, +or dimmed, or grown less precious; I only saw it too plainly, to +set myself for a moment beside it. Indeed, my ideal soon became +my life; whereas, formerly, my life had consisted in a vain +attempt to behold, if not my ideal in myself, at least myself in +my ideal. Now, however, I took, at first, what perhaps was a +mistaken pleasure, in despising and degrading myself. Another +self seemed to arise, like a white spirit from a dead man, from +the dumb and trampled self of the past. Doubtless, this self +must again die and be buried, and again, from its tomb, spring a +winged child; but of this my history as yet bears not the record. + +Self will come to life even in the slaying of self; but there is +ever something deeper and stronger than it, which will emerge at +last from the unknown abysses of the soul: will it be as a solemn +gloom, burning with eyes? or a clear morning after the rain? or a +smiling child, that finds itself nowhere, and everywhere? + + + + + + CHAPTER XXIII + + "High erected thought, seated in a heart of courtesy." + SIR PHILIP SIDNEY. + + "A sweet attractive kinde of grace, + A full assurance given by lookes, + Continuall comfort in a face, + The lineaments of Gospel bookes." + MATTHEW ROYDON, on Sir Philip Sidney. +I had not gone far, for I had but just lost sight of the hated +tower, when a voice of another sort, sounding near or far, as the +trees permitted or intercepted its passage, reached me. It was a +full, deep, manly voice, but withal clear and melodious. Now it +burst on the ear with a sudden swell, and anon, dying away as +suddenly, seemed to come to me across a great space. +Nevertheless, it drew nearer; till, at last, I could distinguish +the words of the song, and get transient glimpses of the singer, +between the columns of the trees. He came nearer, dawning upon +me like a growing thought. He was a knight, armed from head to +heel, mounted upon a strange-looking beast, whose form I could +not understand. The words which I heard him sing were like +these: + + Heart be stout, + And eye be true; + Good blade out! + And ill shall rue. + + Courage, horse! + Thou lackst no skill; + Well thy force + Hath matched my will. + + For the foe + With fiery breath, + At a blow, + It still in death. + + Gently, horse! + Tread fearlessly; + 'Tis his corse + That burdens thee. + + The sun's eye + Is fierce at noon; + Thou and I + Will rest full soon. + + And new strength + New work will meet; + Till, at length, + Long rest is sweet. + +And now horse and rider had arrived near enough for me to see, +fastened by the long neck to the hinder part of the saddle, and +trailing its hideous length on the ground behind, the body of a +great dragon. It was no wonder that, with such a drag at his +heels, the horse could make but slow progress, notwithstanding +his evident dismay. The horrid, serpent-like head, with its +black tongue, forked with red, hanging out of its jaws, dangled +against the horse's side. Its neck was covered with long blue +hair, its sides with scales of green and gold. Its back was of +corrugated skin, of a purple hue. Its belly was similar in +nature, but its colour was leaden, dashed with blotches of livid +blue. Its skinny, bat-like wings and its tail were of a dull +gray. It was strange to see how so many gorgeous colours, so +many curving lines, and such beautiful things as wings and hair +and scales, combined to form the horrible creature, intense in +ugliness. + +The knight was passing me with a salutation; but, as I walked +towards him, he reined up, and I stood by his stirrup. When I +came near him, I saw to my surprise and pleasure likewise, +although a sudden pain, like a birth of fire, sprang up in my +heart, that it was the knight of the soiled armour, whom I knew +before, and whom I had seen in the vision, with the lady of the +marble. But I could have thrown my arms around him, because she +loved him. This discovery only strengthened the resolution I had +formed, before I recognised him, of offering myself to the +knight, to wait upon him as a squire, for he seemed to be +unattended. I made my request in as few words as possible. He +hesitated for a moment, and looked at me thoughtfully. I saw +that he suspected who I was, but that he continued uncertain of +his suspicion. No doubt he was soon convinced of its truth; but +all the time I was with him, not a word crossed his lips with +reference to what he evidently concluded I wished to leave +unnoticed, if not to keep concealed. + +"Squire and knight should be friends,"said he: "can you take me +by the hand?" And he held out the great gauntleted right hand. +I grasped it willingly and strongly. Not a word more was said. +The knight gave the sign to his horse, which again began his slow +march, and I walked beside and a little behind. + +We had not gone very far before we arrived at a little cottage; +from which, as we drew near, a woman rushed out with the cry: + +"My child! my child! have you found my child?" + +"I have found her," replied the knight, "but she is sorely hurt. +I was forced to leave her with the hermit, as I returned. You +will find her there, and I think she will get better. You see I +have brought you a present. This wretch will not hurt you +again." And he undid the creature's neck, and flung the +frightful burden down by the cottage door. + +The woman was now almost out of sight in the wood; but the +husband stood at the door, with speechless thanks in his face. + +"You must bury the monster," said the knight. "If I had arrived +a moment later, I should have been too late. But now you need +not fear, for such a creature as this very rarely appears, in the +same part, twice during a lifetime." + +"Will you not dismount and rest you, Sir Knight?" said the +peasant, who had, by this time, recovered himself a little. + +"That I will, thankfully," said he; and, dismounting, he gave the +reins to me, and told me to unbridle the horse, and lead him into +the shade. "You need not tie him up," he added; "he will not run +away." + +When I returned, after obeying his orders, and entered the +cottage, I saw the knight seated, without his helmet, and talking +most familiarly with the simple host. I stood at the open door +for a moment, and, gazing at him, inwardly justified the white +lady in preferring him to me. A nobler countenance I never saw. +Loving-kindness beamed from every line of his face. It seemed as +if he would repay himself for the late arduous combat, by +indulging in all the gentleness of a womanly heart. But when the +talk ceased for a moment, he seemed to fall into a reverie. Then +the exquisite curves of the upper lip vanished. The lip was +lengthened and compressed at the same moment. You could have +told that, within the lips, the teeth were firmly closed. The +whole face grew stern and determined, all but fierce; only the +eyes burned on like a holy sacrifice, uplift on a granite rock. + +The woman entered, with her mangled child in her arms. She was +pale as her little burden. She gazed, with a wild love and +despairing tenderness, on the still, all but dead face, white and +clear from loss of blood and terror. + +The knight rose. The light that had been confined to his eyes, +now shone from his whole countenance. He took the little thing +in his arms, and, with the mother's help, undressed her, and +looked to her wounds. The tears flowed down his face as he did +so. With tender hands he bound them up, kissed the pale cheek, +and gave her back to her mother. When he went home, all his tale +would be of the grief and joy of the parents; while to me, who +had looked on, the gracious countenance of the armed man, beaming +from the panoply of steel, over the seemingly dead child, while +the powerful hands turned it and shifted it, and bound it, if +possible even more gently than the mother's, formed the centre of +the story. + +After we had partaken of the best they could give us, the knight +took his leave, with a few parting instructions to the mother as +to how she should treat the child. + +I brought the knight his steed, held the stirrup while he +mounted, and then followed him through the wood. The horse, +delighted to be free of his hideous load, bounded beneath the +weight of man and armour, and could hardly be restrained from +galloping on. But the knight made him time his powers to mine, +and so we went on for an hour or two. Then the knight +dismounted, and compelled me to get into the saddle, saying: +"Knight and squire must share the labour." + +Holding by the stirrup, he walked along by my side, heavily clad +as he was, with apparent ease. As we went, he led a +conversation, in which I took what humble part my sense of my +condition would permit me. + +"Somehow or other," said he, "notwithstanding the beauty of this +country of Faerie, in which we are, there is much that is wrong +in it. If there are great splendours, there are corresponding +horrors; heights and depths; beautiful women and awful fiends; +noble men and weaklings. All a man has to do, is to better what +he can. And if he will settle it with himself, that even renown +and success are in themselves of no great value, and be content +to be defeated, if so be that the fault is not his; and so go to +his work with a cool brain and a strong will, he will get it +done; and fare none the worse in the end, that he was not +burdened with provision and precaution." + +"But he will not always come off well," I ventured to say. + +"Perhaps not," rejoined the knight, "in the individual act; but +the result of his lifetime will content him." + +"So it will fare with you, doubtless," thought I; "but for +me---" + +Venturing to resume the conversation after a pause, I said, +hesitatingly: + +"May I ask for what the little beggar-girl wanted your aid, when +she came to your castle to find you?" + +He looked at me for a moment in silence, and then said-- + +"I cannot help wondering how you know of that; but there is +something about you quite strange enough to entitle you to the +privilege of the country; namely, to go unquestioned. I, +however, being only a man, such as you see me, am ready to tell +you anything you like to ask me, as far as I can. The little +beggar-girl came into the hall where I was sitting, and told me a +very curious story, which I can only recollect very vaguely, it +was so peculiar. What I can recall is, that she was sent to +gather wings. As soon as she had gathered a pair of wings for +herself, she was to fly away, she said, to the country she came +from; but where that was, she could give no information. + +She said she had to beg her wings from the butterflies and moths; +and wherever she begged, no one refused her. But she needed a +great many of the wings of butterflies and moths to make a pair +for her; and so she had to wander about day after day, looking +for butterflies, and night after night, looking for moths; and +then she begged for their wings. But the day before, she had +come into a part of the forest, she said, where there were +multitudes of splendid butterflies flitting about, with wings +which were just fit to make the eyes in the shoulders of hers; +and she knew she could have as many of them as she liked for the +asking; but as soon as she began to beg, there came a great +creature right up to her, and threw her down, and walked over +her. When she got up, she saw the wood was full of these beings +stalking about, and seeming to have nothing to do with each +other. As soon as ever she began to beg, one of them walked over +her; till at last in dismay, and in growing horror of the +senseless creatures, she had run away to look for somebody to +help her. I asked her what they were like. She said, like great +men, made of wood, without knee- or elbow-joints, and without any +noses or mouths or eyes in their faces. I laughed at the little +maiden, thinking she was making child's game of me; but, although +she burst out laughing too, she persisted in asserting the truth +of her story. + +"`Only come, knight, come and see; I will lead you.' + +"So I armed myself, to be ready for anything that might happen, +and followed the child; for, though I could make nothing of her +story, I could see she was a little human being in need of some +help or other. As she walked before me, I looked attentively at +her. Whether or not it was from being so often knocked down and +walked over, I could not tell, but her clothes were very much +torn, and in several places her white skin was peeping through. +I thought she was hump-backed; but on looking more closely, I +saw, through the tatters of her frock--do not laugh at me--a +bunch on each shoulder, of the most gorgeous colours. Looking +yet more closely, I saw that they were of the shape of folded +wings, and were made of all kinds of butterfly-wings and +moth-wings, crowded together like the feathers on the individual +butterfly pinion; but, like them, most beautifully arranged, and +producing a perfect harmony of colour and shade. I could now +more easily believe the rest of her story; especially as I saw, +every now and then, a certain heaving motion in the wings, as if +they longed to be uplifted and outspread. But beneath her scanty +garments complete wings could not be concealed, and indeed, from +her own story, they were yet unfinished. + +"After walking for two or three hours (how the little girl found +her way, I could not imagine), we came to a part of the forest, +the very air of which was quivering with the motions of +multitudes of resplendent butterflies; as gorgeous in colour, as +if the eyes of peacocks' feathers had taken to flight, but of +infinite variety of hue and form, only that the appearance of +some kind of eye on each wing predominated. `There they are, +there they are!' cried the child, in a tone of victory mingled +with terror. Except for this tone, I should have thought she +referred to the butterflies, for I could see nothing else. But +at that moment an enormous butterfly, whose wings had great eyes +of blue surrounded by confused cloudy heaps of more dingy +colouring, just like a break in the clouds on a stormy day +towards evening, settled near us. The child instantly began +murmuring: `Butterfly, butterfly, give me your wings'; when, the +moment after, she fell to the ground, and began crying as if +hurt. I drew my sword and heaved a great blow in the direction +in which the child had fallen. It struck something, and +instantly the most grotesque imitation of a man became visible. +You see this Fairy Land is full of oddities and all sorts of +incredibly ridiculous things, which a man is compelled to meet +and treat as real existences, although all the time he feels +foolish for doing so. This being, if being it could be called, +was like a block of wood roughly hewn into the mere outlines of a +man; and hardly so, for it had but head, body, legs, and arms-- +the head without a face, and the limbs utterly formless. I had +hewn off one of its legs, but the two portions moved on as best +they could, quite independent of each other; so that I had done +no good. I ran after it, and clove it in twain from the head +downwards; but it could not be convinced that its vocation was +not to walk over people; for, as soon as the little girl began +her begging again, all three parts came bustling up; and if I had +not interposed my weight between her and them, she would have +been trampled again under them. I saw that something else must +be done. If the wood was full of the creatures, it would be an +endless work to chop them so small that they could do no injury; +and then, besides, the parts would be so numerous, that the +butterflies would be in danger from the drift of flying chips. I +served this one so, however; and then told the girl to beg again, +and point out the direction in which one was coming. I was glad +to find, however, that I could now see him myself, and wondered +how they could have been invisible before. I would not allow him +to walk over the child; but while I kept him off, and she began +begging again, another appeared; and it was all I could do, from +the weight of my armour, to protect her from the stupid, +persevering efforts of the two. But suddenly the right plan +occurred to me. I tripped one of them up, and, taking him by the +legs, set him up on his head, with his heels against a tree. I +was delighted to find he could not move. + +Meantime the poor child was walked over by the other, but it was +for the last time. Whenever one appeared, I followed the same +plan-- tripped him up and set him on his head; and so the little +beggar was able to gather her wings without any trouble, which +occupation she continued for several hours in my company." + +"What became of her?" I asked. + +"I took her home with me to my castle, and she told me all her +story; but it seemed to me, all the time, as if I were hearing a +child talk in its sleep. I could not arrange her story in my +mind at all, although it seemed to leave hers in some certain +order of its own. My wife---" + +Here the knight checked himself, and said no more. Neither did I +urge the conversation farther. + +Thus we journeyed for several days, resting at night in such +shelter as we could get; and when no better was to be had, lying +in the forest under some tree, on a couch of old leaves. + +I loved the knight more and more. I believe never squire served +his master with more care and joyfulness than I. I tended his +horse; I cleaned his armour; my skill in the craft enabled me to +repair it when necessary; I watched his needs; and was well +repaid for all by the love itself which I bore him. + +"This," I said to myself, "is a true man. I will serve him, and +give him all worship, seeing in him the imbodiment of what I +would fain become. If I cannot be noble myself, I will yet be +servant to his nobleness." He, in return, soon showed me such +signs of friendship and respect, as made my heart glad; and I +felt that, after all, mine would be no lost life, if I might wait +on him to the world's end, although no smile but his should greet +me, and no one but him should say, "Well done! he was a good +servant!" at last. But I burned to do something more for him +than the ordinary routine of a squire's duty permitted. + +One afternoon, we began to observe an appearance of roads in the +wood. Branches had been cut down, and openings made, where +footsteps had worn no path below. These indications increased as +we passed on, till, at length, we came into a long, narrow +avenue, formed by felling the trees in its line, as the remaining +roots evidenced. At some little distance, on both hands, we +observed signs of similar avenues, which appeared to converge +with ours, towards one spot. Along these we indistinctly saw +several forms moving, which seemed, with ourselves, to approach +the common centre. Our path brought us, at last, up to a wall of +yew-trees, growing close together, and intertwining their +branches so, that nothing could be seen beyond it. An opening +was cut in it like a door, and all the wall was trimmed smooth +and perpendicular. The knight dismounted, and waited till I had +provided for his horse's comfort; upon which we entered the place +together. + +It was a great space, bare of trees, and enclosed by four walls +of yew, similar to that through which we had entered. These +trees grew to a very great height, and did not divide from each +other till close to the top, where their summits formed a row of +conical battlements all around the walls. The space contained +was a parallelogram of great length. Along each of the two +longer sides of the interior, were ranged three ranks of men, in +white robes, standing silent and solemn, each with a sword by his +side, although the rest of his costume and bearing was more +priestly than soldierly. For some distance inwards, the space +between these opposite rows was filled with a company of men and +women and children, in holiday attire. The looks of all were +directed inwards, towards the further end. Far beyond the crowd, +in a long avenue, seeming to narrow in the distance, went the +long rows of the white-robed men. On what the attention of the +multitude was fixed, we could not tell, for the sun had set +before we arrived, and it was growing dark within. It grew +darker and darker. The multitude waited in silence. The stars +began to shine down into the enclosure, and they grew brighter +and larger every moment. A wind arose, and swayed the pinnacles +of the tree-tops; and made a strange sound, half like music, half +like moaning, through the close branches and leaves of the +tree-walls. A young girl who stood beside me, clothed in the +same dress as the priests, bowed her head, and grew pale with +awe. + +The knight whispered to me, "How solemn it is! Surely they wait +to hear the voice of a prophet. There is something good near!" + +But I, though somewhat shaken by the feeling expressed by my +master, yet had an unaccountable conviction that here was +something bad. So I resolved to be keenly on the watch for what +should follow. + +Suddenly a great star, like a sun, appeared high in the air over +the temple, illuminating it throughout; and a great song arose +from the men in white, which went rolling round and round the +building, now receding to the end, and now approaching, down the +other side, the place where we stood. For some of the singers +were regularly ceasing, and the next to them as regularly taking +up the song, so that it crept onwards with gradations produced by +changes which could not themselves be detected, for only a few of +those who were singing ceased at the same moment. The song +paused; and I saw a company of six of the white-robed men walk up +the centre of the human avenue, surrounding a youth gorgeously +attired beneath his robe of white, and wearing a chaplet of +flowers on his head. I followed them closely, with my keenest +observation; and, by accompanying their slow progress with my +eyes, I was able to perceive more clearly what took place when +they arrived at the other end. I knew that my sight was so much +more keen than that of most people, that I had good reason to +suppose I should see more than the rest could, at such a +distance. At the farther end a throne stood upon a platform, +high above the heads of the surrounding priests. To this +platform I saw the company begin to ascend, apparently by an +inclined plane or gentle slope. The throne itself was elevated +again, on a kind of square pedestal, to the top of which led a +flight of steps. On the throne sat a majestic- looking figure, +whose posture seemed to indicate a mixture of pride and +benignity, as he looked down on the multitude below. The company +ascended to the foot of the throne, where they all kneeled for +some minutes; then they rose and passed round to the side of the +pedestal upon which the throne stood. Here they crowded close +behind the youth, putting him in the foremost place, and one of +them opened a door in the pedestal, for the youth to enter. I +was sure I saw him shrink back, and those crowding behind pushed +him in. Then, again, arose a burst of song from the multitude in +white, which lasted some time. When it ceased, a new company of +seven commenced its march up the centre. As they advanced, I +looked up at my master: his noble countenance was full of +reverence and awe. Incapable of evil himself, he could scarcely +suspect it in another, much less in a multitude such as this, and +surrounded with such appearances of solemnity. I was certain it +was the really grand accompaniments that overcame him; that the +stars overhead, the dark towering tops of the yew-trees, and the +wind that, like an unseen spirit, sighed through their branches, +bowed his spirit to the belief, that in all these ceremonies lay +some great mystical meaning which, his humility told him, his +ignorance prevented him from understanding. + +More convinced than before, that there was evil here, I could not +endure that my master should be deceived; that one like him, so +pure and noble, should respect what, if my suspicions were true, +was worse than the ordinary deceptions of priestcraft. I could +not tell how far he might be led to countenance, and otherwise +support their doings, before he should find cause to repent +bitterly of his error. I watched the new procession yet more +keenly, if possible, than the former. This time, the central +figure was a girl; and, at the close, I observed, yet more +indubitably, the shrinking back, and the crowding push. What +happened to the victims, I never learned; but I had learned +enough, and I could bear it no longer. I stooped, and whispered +to the young girl who stood by me, to lend me her white garment. +I wanted it, that I might not be entirely out of keeping with the +solemnity, but might have at least this help to passing +unquestioned. She looked up, half-amused and half-bewildered, as +if doubting whether I was in earnest or not. But in her +perplexity, she permitted me to unfasten it, and slip it down +from her shoulders. + +I easily got possession of it; and, sinking down on my knees in +the crowd, I rose apparently in the habit of one of the +worshippers. + +Giving my battle-axe to the girl, to hold in pledge for the +return of her stole, for I wished to test the matter unarmed, +and, if it was a man that sat upon the throne, to attack him with +hands bare, as I supposed his must be, I made my way through the +crowd to the front, while the singing yet continued, desirous of +reaching the platform while it was unoccupied by any of the +priests. I was permitted to walk up the long avenue of white +robes unmolested, though I saw questioning looks in many of the +faces as I passed. I presume my coolness aided my passage; for I +felt quite indifferent as to my own fate; not feeling, after the +late events of my history, that I was at all worth taking care +of; and enjoying, perhaps, something of an evil satisfaction, in +the revenge I was thus taking upon the self which had fooled me +so long. When I arrived on the platform, the song had just +ceased, and I felt as if all were looking towards me. But +instead of kneeling at its foot, I walked right up the stairs to +the throne, laid hold of a great wooden image that seemed to sit +upon it, and tried to hurl it from its seat. In this I failed at +first, for I found it firmly fixed. But in dread lest, the first +shock of amazement passing away, the guards would rush upon me +before I had effected my purpose, I strained with all my might; +and, with a noise as of the cracking, and breaking, and tearing +of rotten wood, something gave way, and I hurled the image down +the steps. Its displacement revealed a great hole in the throne, +like the hollow of a decayed tree, going down apparently a great +way. But I had no time to examine it, for, as I looked into it, +up out of it rushed a great brute, like a wolf, but twice the +size, and tumbled me headlong with itself, down the steps of the +throne. As we fell, however, I caught it by the throat, and the +moment we reached the platform, a struggle commenced, in which I +soon got uppermost, with my hand upon its throat, and knee upon +its heart. But now arose a wild cry of wrath and revenge and +rescue. A universal hiss of steel, as every sword was swept from +its scabbard, seemed to tear the very air in shreds. I heard the +rush of hundreds towards the platform on which I knelt. I only +tightened my grasp of the brute's throat. His eyes were already +starting from his head, and his tongue was hanging out. My +anxious hope was, that, even after they had killed me, they would +be unable to undo my gripe of his throat, before the monster was +past breathing. I therefore threw all my will, and force, and +purpose, into the grasping hand. I remember no blow. A +faintness came over me, and my consciousness departed. + + + + + + CHAPTER XXIV + + "We are ne'er like angels till our passions die." + DEKKER. + + "This wretched INN, where we scarce stay to bait, + We call our DWELLING-PLACE: + We call one STEP A RACE: + But angels in their full enlightened state, + Angels, who LIVE, and know what 'tis to BE, + Who all the nonsense of our language see, + Who speak THINGS, and our WORDS,their ill-drawn + PICTURES, scorn, + When we, by a foolish figure, say, + BEHOLD AN OLD MAN DEAD! then they + Speak properly, and cry, BEHOLD A MAN-CHILD BORN!" + COWLEY. + +I was dead, and right content. I lay in my coffin, with my +hands folded in peace. The knight, and the lady I loved, wept +over me. + +Her tears fell on my face. + +"Ah!" said the knight, "I rushed amongst them like a madman. I +hewed them down like brushwood. Their swords battered on me like +hail, but hurt me not. I cut a lane through to my friend. He +was dead. But he had throttled the monster, and I had to cut the +handful out of its throat, before I could disengage and carry off +his body. They dared not molest me as I brought him back." + +"He has died well," said the lady. + +My spirit rejoiced. They left me to my repose. I felt as if a +cool hand had been laid upon my heart, and had stilled it. My +soul was like a summer evening, after a heavy fall of rain, when +the drops are yet glistening on the trees in the last rays of the +down-going sun, and the wind of the twilight has begun to blow. +The hot fever of life had gone by, and I breathed the clear +mountain-air of the land of Death. I had never dreamed of such +blessedness. It was not that I had in any way ceased to be what +I had been. The very fact that anything can die, implies the +existence of something that cannot die; which must either take to +itself another form, as when the seed that is sown dies, and +arises again; or, in conscious existence, may, perhaps, continue +to lead a purely spiritual life. If my passions were dead, the +souls of the passions, those essential mysteries of the spirit +which had imbodied themselves in the passions, and had given to +them all their glory and wonderment, yet lived, yet glowed, with +a pure, undying fire. They rose above their vanishing earthly +garments, and disclosed themselves angels of light. But oh, how +beautiful beyond the old form! I lay thus for a time, and lived +as it were an unradiating existence; my soul a motionless lake, +that received all things and gave nothing back; satisfied in +still contemplation, and spiritual consciousness. + +Ere long, they bore me to my grave. Never tired child lay down +in his white bed, and heard the sound of his playthings being +laid aside for the night, with a more luxurious satisfaction of +repose than I knew, when I felt the coffin settle on the firm +earth, and heard the sound of the falling mould upon its lid. It +has not the same hollow rattle within the coffin, that it sends +up to the edge of the grave. They buried me in no graveyard. +They loved me too much for that, I thank them; but they laid me +in the grounds of their own castle, amid many trees; where, as it +was spring-time, were growing primroses, and blue-bells, and all +the families of the woods + +Now that I lay in her bosom, the whole earth, and each of her +many births, was as a body to me, at my will. I seemed to feel +the great heart of the mother beating into mine, and feeding me +with her own life, her own essential being and nature. I heard +the footsteps of my friends above, and they sent a thrill through +my heart. I knew that the helpers had gone, and that the knight +and the lady remained, and spoke low, gentle, tearful words of +him who lay beneath the yet wounded sod. I rose into a single +large primrose that grew by the edge of the grave, and from the +window of its humble, trusting face, looked full in the +countenance of the lady. I felt that I could manifest myself in +the primrose; that it said a part of what I wanted to say; just +as in the old time, I had used to betake myself to a song for the +same end. The flower caught her eye. She stooped and plucked +it, saying, "Oh, you beautiful creature!" and, lightly kissing +it, put it in her bosom. It was the first kiss she had ever +given me. But the flower soon began to wither, and I forsook it. + +It was evening. The sun was below the horizon; but his rosy +beams yet illuminated a feathery cloud, that floated high above +the world. I arose, I reached the cloud; and, throwing myself +upon it, floated with it in sight of the sinking sun. He sank, +and the cloud grew gray; but the grayness touched not my heart. +It carried its rose-hue within; for now I could love without +needing to be loved again. The moon came gliding up with all the +past in her wan face. She changed my couch into a ghostly +pallor, and threw all the earth below as to the bottom of a pale +sea of dreams. But she could not make me sad. I knew now, that +it is by loving, and not by being loved, that one can come +nearest the soul of another; yea, that, where two love, it is the +loving of each other, and not the being loved by each other, that +originates and perfects and assures their blessedness. I knew +that love gives to him that loveth, power over any soul beloved, +even if that soul know him not, bringing him inwardly close to +that spirit; a power that cannot be but for good; for in +proportion as selfishness intrudes, the love ceases, and the +power which springs therefrom dies. Yet all love will, one day, +meet with its return. All true love will, one day, behold its +own image in the eyes of the beloved, and be humbly glad. This +is possible in the realms of lofty Death. "Ah! my friends," +thought I, "how I will tend you, and wait upon you, and haunt you +with my love." + +My floating chariot bore me over a great city. Its faint dull +sound steamed up into the air--a sound--how composed?" How many +hopeless cries," thought I, "and how many mad shouts go to make +up the tumult, here so faint where I float in eternal peace, +knowing that they will one day be stilled in the surrounding +calm, and that despair dies into infinite hope, and the seeming +impossible there, is the law here! + +But, O pale-faced women, and gloomy-browed men, and forgotten +children, how I will wait on you, and minister to you, and, +putting my arms about you in the dark, think hope into your +hearts, when you fancy no one is near! Soon as my senses have +all come back, and have grown accustomed to this new blessed +life, I will be among you with the love that healeth." + +With this, a pang and a terrible shudder went through me; a +writhing as of death convulsed me; and I became once again +conscious of a more limited, even a bodily and earthly life. + + + + + + CHAPTER XXV + + "Our life is no dream; but it ought to become one, + and perhaps will."--NOVALIS. + + "And on the ground, which is my modres gate, + I knocke with my staf; erlich and late, + And say to hire, Leve mother, let me in." + CHAUCER, The Pardoneres Tale. + +Sinking from such a state of ideal bliss, into the world of +shadows which again closed around and infolded me, my first dread +was, not unnaturally, that my own shadow had found me again, and +that my torture had commenced anew. It was a sad revulsion of +feeling. This, indeed, seemed to correspond to what we think +death is, before we die. Yet I felt within me a power of calm +endurance to which I had hitherto been a stranger. For, in +truth, that I should be able if only to think such things as I +had been thinking, was an unspeakable delight. An hour of such +peace made the turmoil of a lifetime worth striving through. + +I found myself lying in the open air, in the early morning, +before sunrise. Over me rose the summer heaven, expectant of the +sun. The clouds already saw him, coming from afar; and soon +every dewdrop would rejoice in his individual presence within it. + +I lay motionless for a few minutes; and then slowly rose and +looked about me. I was on the summit of a little hill; a valley +lay beneath, and a range of mountains closed up the view upon +that side. But, to my horror, across the valley, and up the +height of the opposing mountains, stretched, from my very feet, a +hugely expanding shade. There it lay, long and large, dark and +mighty. I turned away with a sick despair; when lo! I beheld +the sun just lifting his head above the eastern hill, and the +shadow that fell from me, lay only where his beams fell not. I +danced for joy. It was only the natural shadow, that goes with +every man who walks in the sun. As he arose, higher and higher, +the shadow-head sank down the side of the opposite hill, and +crept in across the valley towards my feet. + +Now that I was so joyously delivered from this fear, I saw and +recognised the country around me. In the valley below, lay my +own castle, and the haunts of my childhood were all about me +hastened home. My sisters received me with unspeakable joy; but +I suppose they observed some change in me, for a kind of respect, +with a slight touch of awe in it, mingled with their joy, and +made me ashamed. They had been in great distress about me. On +the morning of my disappearance, they had found the floor of my +room flooded; and, all that day, a wondrous and nearly impervious +mist had hung about the castle and grounds. I had been gone, +they told me, twenty- one days. To me it seemed twenty-one +years. Nor could I yet feel quite secure in my new experiences. +When, at night, I lay down once more in my own bed, I did not +feel at all sure that when I awoke, I should not find myself in +some mysterious region of Fairy Land. My dreams were incessant +and perturbed; but when I did awake, I saw clearly that I was in +my own home. + +My mind soon grew calm; and I began the duties of my new +position, somewhat instructed, I hoped, by the adventures that +had befallen me in Fairy Land. Could I translate the experience +of my travels there, into common life? This was the question. +Or must I live it all over again, and learn it all over again, in +the other forms that belong to the world of men, whose experience +yet runs parallel to that of Fairy Land? These questions I +cannot answer yet. But I fear. + +Even yet, I find myself looking round sometimes with anxiety, to +see whether my shadow falls right away from the sun or no. I +have never yet discovered any inclination to either side. And if +I am not unfrequently sad, I yet cast no more of a shade on the +earth, than most men who have lived in it as long as I. I have a +strange feeling sometimes, that I am a ghost, sent into the world +to minister to my fellow men, or, rather, to repair the wrongs I +have already done. + +May the world be brighter for me, at least in those portions of +it, where my darkness falls not. + +Thus I, who set out to find my Ideal, came back rejoicing that I +had lost my Shadow. + +When the thought of the blessedness I experienced, after my death +in Fairy Land, is too high for me to lay hold upon it and hope in +it, I often think of the wise woman in the cottage, and of her +solemn assurance that she knew something too good to be told. +When I am oppressed by any sorrow or real perplexity, I often +feel as if I had only left her cottage for a time, and would soon +return out of the vision, into it again. Sometimes, on such +occasions, I find myself, unconsciously almost, looking about for +the mystic mark of red, with the vague hope of entering her door, +and being comforted by her wise tenderness. I then console +myself by saying: "I have come through the door of Dismay; and +the way back from the world into which that has led me, is +through my tomb. Upon that the red sign lies, and I shall find +it one day, and be glad." + +I will end my story with the relation of an incident which befell +me a few days ago. I had been with my reapers, and, when they +ceased their work at noon, I had lain down under the shadow of a +great, ancient beech-tree, that stood on the edge of the field. +As I lay, with my eyes closed, I began to listen to the sound of +the leaves overhead. At first, they made sweet inarticulate +music alone; but, by-and-by, the sound seemed to begin to take +shape, and to be gradually moulding itself into words; till, at +last, I seemed able to distinguish these, half-dissolved in a +little ocean of circumfluent tones: "A great good is coming--is +coming--is coming to thee, Anodos"; and so over and over again. +I fancied that the sound reminded me of the voice of the ancient +woman, in the cottage that was four-square. I opened my eyes, +and, for a moment, almost believed that I saw her face, with its +many wrinkles and its young eyes, looking at me from between two +hoary branches of the beech overhead. But when I looked more +keenly, I saw only twigs and leaves, and the infinite sky, in +tiny spots, gazing through between. Yet I know that good is +coming to me--that good is always coming; though few have at all +times the simplicity and the courage to believe it. What we call +evil, is the only and best shape, which, for the person and his +condition at the time, could be assumed by the best good. And +so, FAREWELL. + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Phantastes, George MacDonald + + diff --git a/old/phafr10.zip b/old/phafr10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5ad3005 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/phafr10.zip |