diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 19:55:03 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 19:55:03 -0700 |
| commit | 666942ac5fdfcd720efd246bdccc1ad80f3044da (patch) | |
| tree | c93501d3a04b73695e57e1985d1aed24ec842193 /31071-h | |
Diffstat (limited to '31071-h')
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/31071-h.htm | 3095 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/421-300.png | bin | 0 -> 15255 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/421-800.png | bin | 0 -> 78645 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/423-1500.png | bin | 0 -> 340719 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/423-380.png | bin | 0 -> 29451 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/424-1500.png | bin | 0 -> 169866 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/424-600.png | bin | 0 -> 35801 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/425-1000.png | bin | 0 -> 202176 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/425-300.png | bin | 0 -> 24609 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/427-1500.png | bin | 0 -> 299440 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/427-370.png | bin | 0 -> 23556 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/428-1000.png | bin | 0 -> 75736 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/428-500.png | bin | 0 -> 23705 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/429-1500.png | bin | 0 -> 233146 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/429-600.png | bin | 0 -> 43974 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/430-1500.png | bin | 0 -> 156077 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/430-600.png | bin | 0 -> 31928 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/431-1500.png | bin | 0 -> 322075 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/431-370.png | bin | 0 -> 32651 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/433-1500.png | bin | 0 -> 157822 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/433-600.png | bin | 0 -> 31248 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/434-1500.png | bin | 0 -> 220295 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/434-600.png | bin | 0 -> 39945 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/435-1000.png | bin | 0 -> 165016 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/435-370.png | bin | 0 -> 28432 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-1500.png | bin | 0 -> 192850 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-a-1-200.png | bin | 0 -> 3195 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-a-2-200.png | bin | 0 -> 3735 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-a-3-200.png | bin | 0 -> 4020 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-b-1-200.png | bin | 0 -> 3692 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-b-2-200.png | bin | 0 -> 3900 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-b-3-200.png | bin | 0 -> 3601 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-c-1-200.png | bin | 0 -> 2954 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-c-2-200.png | bin | 0 -> 3254 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-c-3-200.png | bin | 0 -> 3406 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-d-1-200.png | bin | 0 -> 3531 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-d-2-200.png | bin | 0 -> 3069 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/437-d-3-200.png | bin | 0 -> 2870 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/438-300.png | bin | 0 -> 14502 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/438-600.png | bin | 0 -> 51364 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/439-1200.png | bin | 0 -> 86557 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/439-600.png | bin | 0 -> 25743 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/440-1000.png | bin | 0 -> 101124 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 31071-h/images/440-600.png | bin | 0 -> 40191 bytes |
44 files changed, 3095 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/31071-h/31071-h.htm b/31071-h/31071-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dbcd47d --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/31071-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3095 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" /> + + <title>Punch, 2nd June, 1920.</title> + + <style type="text/css"> + + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + p {text-align: justify;} + .ind {margin-left: 10em;} + .ind2 {margin-left: 2em;} + .indrl {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .textind {text-indent: 2em;} + blockquote {text-align: justify; font-size: 0.9em;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 {text-align: center;} + pre {font-size: 0.7em;} + .sc {font-variant: small-caps;} + .center {text-align: center;} + .center1 {text-align: center; font-size: 0.9em;} + span.outdent {text-align: left; margin-left: -1em;} + p.right {text-align: right; margin-right: 8%; margin-top: -0.8em;} + p.right1 {text-align: right; margin-right: 25%; margin-top: -0.8em;} + td {padding-left: 1em;} + td.right {padding-left: 1em; font-size: 0.8em;} + td.pics {padding-left: 0.1em; padding-right: 0.1em; font-size: 0.7em;} + td.picsr {padding-left: 1.0em; padding-right: 0.1em; font-size: 0.8em;} + td.main {text-align: left; font-size: 1.0em; padding-left: 0; padding-right: 1em;} + td.note {text-align: left; font-size: 0.9em; font-weight: normal; border: 1px dashed; padding: 1em;} + ul.none {font-size: 1.0em; margin-left: 10%; list-style-type: none;} + hr {text-align: center; width: 50%;} + html>body hr {margin-right: 25%; margin-left: 25%; width: 50%;} + hr.full {width: 100%;} + html>body hr.full {margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 0%; width: 100%;} + hr.medium {width: 76%;} + html>body hr.medium {margin-right: 12%; margin-left: 12%; width: 76%;} + hr.short {text-align: center; width: 20%;} + html>body hr.short {margin-right: 40%; margin-left: 40%; width: 20%;} + ins {text-decoration: none; border-bottom: dashed 1px silver;} + .note, .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + sub {font-size: 1.2em;} + span.pagenum {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt; text-indent: 0;} + + .poem {margin-left:25%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem p {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem p.i2 {margin-left: 1em;} + .poem p.i4 {margin-left: 2em;} + .poem p.i6 {margin-left: 3em;} + .poem p.i8 {margin-left: 4em;} + .poem p.i10 {margin-left: 5em;} + .poem p.i12 {margin-left: 6em;} + .poem p.i14 {margin-left: 7em;} + .poem p.i16 {margin-left: 8em;} + .poem p.i18 {margin-left: 9em;} + .poem p.i20 {margin-left: 10em;} + .poem p.i22 {margin-left: 11em;} + .poem p.i24 {margin-left: 12em;} + .poem p.i26 {margin-left: 13em;} + .poem p.i28 {margin-left: 14em;} + .poem p.i30 {margin-left: 15em;} + .poem p.i32 {margin-left: 16em;} + .poem p.i34 {margin-left: 17em;} + .poem p.i36 {margin-left: 18em;} + .poem p.i38 {margin-left: 19em;} + .poem p.i40 {margin-left: 20em;} + + .poem1 {margin-left:25%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;font-size: 0.9em;} + .poem1 .stanza {margin: 0em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem1 p {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem1 p.i2 {margin-left: 1em;} + .poem1 p.i4 {margin-left: 2em;} + .poem1 p.i6 {margin-left: 3em;} + .poem1 p.i8 {margin-left: 4em;} + .poem1 p.i10 {margin-left: 5em;} + + .poem1a + {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;} + .poem1a .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem1a p {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem1a p.i2 {margin-left: 1em;} + .poem1a p.i4 {margin-left: 2em;} + .poem1a p.i6 {margin-left: 3em;} + .poem1a p.i8 {margin-left: 4em;} + .poem1a p.i10 {margin-left: 5em;} + .poem1a p.i16 {margin-left: 8em;} + + .figure, .figcenter, .figright, .figleft {padding: 1em; margin: 0; text-align: center; font-size: 0.8em;} + .figure img, .figcenter img, .figright img, .figleft img + {border: none;} + .figure p, .figcenter p, .figright p, .figleft p + {margin: 0; text-indent: 1em;} + .figcenter {margin: auto;} + .figright {float: right;} + .figleft {float: left;} + .figleft1 {padding-right: 0.2em; padding-left: 0; } + .figleft1 {float: left;} + .inline {border: none; vertical-align: middle;} + + p.author {text-align: right; margin-top: -1em;} + p.author1 {text-align: right; margin-top: -1em; margin-right: 25%;} + + </style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 158, +June 2, 1920, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 158, June 2, 1920 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: January 25, 2010 [EBook #31071] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + + + + +Produced by Lesley Halamek, Jonathan Ingram and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net. + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<hr class="full" /> + + <h1>PUNCH,<br /> + OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1> + + <h2>Volume 158, Jan-Jul 1920</h2> + + <h2>June 2, 1920</h2> + <hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page421" id="page421"></a>[pg 421]</span> + +<h2>CHARIVARIA.</h2> + +<p>Some idea of the heat experienced in +this country last week can be deduced +from the fact that several bricklayers +were distinctly seen to wipe their brows +in their own time.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>It is all very well for <span class="sc">Lenin</span> to talk +about Great Britain recognising Russia, +while his followers are doing their best +to render the place almost unrecognisable.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Normally, says Dr. <span class="sc">Geoffrey Keynes</span>, +a person has fifteen thousand +millions of blood corpuscles +circulating in his body. People +suffering with insomnia +might try counting them in +bed.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>According to a scientific +journal, tests recently made +show that microbes cannot live +long on coins. "Middle Class" +writes to say this is nothing +new to him, as no germ could +live on his salary.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>The promoters of the Milk +and Dairies Bill hope to ensure +clean milk for the public. +They seem to have thought out +an improvement on the present +system by which certain dairymen +are in the habit of washing +their milk.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>It took nature several million +years, says <i>The New York +World</i>, to make a ton of coal. +It looks as if she has arranged +to charge us retrospectively by +the hour for the stuff.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>A gold wedding-ring has been +found inside a large doe rabbit +which was shot recently in a +wheat-field near Wilbury. The +question arises, "Do modern rabbits go +through the marriage ceremony?"</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>The latest fad of the American golfer +is to have a small painting made of +himself in the act of driving. We feel, +however, that it will be some time +before English golfers will place orders +for plaster casts of their language.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Nearly all the extra firemen required +for the London Fire Brigade have been +engaged. Clients are assured that arrears +of fires will now be worked off +with all speed.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>According to a daily paper a severe +thunderstorm which recently visited +Luton was not heard by the audience +in a local concert hall. It is rumoured +that a performer was at the time reciting +a chapter of Lord <span class="sc">Fisher's</span> +autobiography.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>A strike of incubator-makers is threatened +and many grocers who stock breakfast-eggs +fear that a lot of chicks may +come out in sympathy.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>According to an evening paper a +young lady who was chased by a bull +in a provincial meadow ran a quarter +of a mile and jumped a stream sixteen +feet wide before gaining safety. Not +much of a jump, surely, considering the +long run she took.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>"Whilst motoring between Baldock +and Grantham one is struck by the +greenness of the growing wheat and +barley," states a writer in a motor +journal. The regularity with which +these cereal grasses adopt this colour +is certainly worthy of attention.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Our heart goes out to the American +travellers who set foot on our shores +at Southampton one day last week just +five minutes after closing-time.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>In their recent match against Sussex +the first four Middlesex batsmen each +scored a century. We understand that +in order to obviate a recurrence of this +sort of thing a movement is on foot +to increase the number of runs in a +century to a hundred and fifty.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>We are informed that "a man arrested +by Dutch fishermen in the belief +that it was the <span class="sc">Crown Prince</span> making +his escape turned out to be a notorious +jewel thief." The error seems to have +been excusable.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>The case of the dock labourer who +appeared at a County Court in a tail +coat and white waistcoat is now explained. +The man's valet, who +usually looks after these things +for him, had gone on strike for +more wages.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Charged with taking one +hundred and forty-five pounds +of his employers' money a +Newcastle office-boy was +stated to have been reading +trashy novels. It was thought +to be only fair to the financial +papers that the public +should know where he got +the idea from.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>"I reckon I can drink fifty +pints a day, easy," a witness +told the Portsmouth magistrates. +He may do it for a +while, but sooner or later his +arm is bound to go back on +him.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>"Under British guidance," +says a contemporary, "Persia's +future is bright with promise." +We know nothing of its future, +but its present seems to be +scintillating with performance +under Bolshevik direction.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>"Cave exploration," declares +a writer in <i>The Daily Mail</i>, +"is a most fascinating sport." +There is always the thrilling possibility +that you may find another Liberal +principle hidden away somewhere.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Owing to the increased cost of living +it is said that burglars will now only +book jewel robberies of two thousand +pounds and over.</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"><a href="images/421-800.png"><img src="images/421-300.png" width="300" height="380" alt="CHAGRIN OF MEMBER OF ADVANCED ART GROUP AT NECESSITY OF MAKING THE LETTERING OF HIS POSTER INTELLIGIBLE." /></a> +<p class="center">CHAGRIN OF MEMBER OF ADVANCED ART GROUP +AT NECESSITY OF MAKING THE LETTERING OF HIS +POSTER INTELLIGIBLE.</p></div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + + +<h3>"NEW POLICY IN IRELAND.</h3> + +<p class="center"> +<span class="sc">No Trials Without Arrests.</span>"</p> + +<p class="author1"><i>Dublin Paper.</i> +</p> + +<p class="ind">A good idea, but it was anticipated in +the matter of jugged hare.</p> + + +<hr /> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +"Register as a regular reader of <i>The Daily ——</i>, +and you at once disqualify for £3 a week +during disablement."—<i>Daily Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<p class="ind">We shall be careful not to register.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page422" id="page422"></a>[pg 422]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h2>ODYSSEUS AT THE DERBY.</h2> + +<blockquote><p> +[Racing men will not need to be reminded that Polumetis (many-counselled) +is named after a common epithet of the hero of the <i>Odyssey</i>.] +</p></blockquote> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>At times the pulse of memory is stirred</p> +<p class="i2">Out of a chronic state of coma</p> +<p>By just a poignant tune, a rhythmic word,</p> +<p class="i2">A whiff of some refined aroma,</p> +<p>And lo! the brain is made aware</p> +<p>Of records which it didn't know were there.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>So in a sudden moment I was shot</p> +<p class="i2">Back to my boyhood and the highly</p> +<p>Instructive works of <span class="sc">Homer</span>, long forgot,</p> +<p>And with the late <i>Odysseus</i> (wily)</p> +<p>Ploughed once again the wine-red deep</p> +<p>On drawing Polumetis in a sweep.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>Oh, "many-counselled" hero! if a horse</p> +<p class="i2">Your attributes may also borrow,</p> +<p>Lend him your cunning round the Derby course,</p> +<p class="i2">Teach him a thing or two to-morrow,</p> +<p>That at the end it may be said:</p> +<p>"He did a great performance with his head."</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>As you contrived by tricks of crafty skill</p> +<p class="i2">Ever to down your foes and flatten 'em,</p> +<p>So may he lie low going up the hill,</p> +<p class="i2">Secure the inside berth at Tattenham,</p> +<p>And do a finish up the straight</p> +<p>Swift as your shafts that sealed the suitors' fate!</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>Fortune attend his name, though some deplore</p> +<p class="i2">Its pedantry, and I assume it is</p> +<p>Likely, from what I know of bookies' lore,</p> +<p class="i2">That on the rails he'll be "Poloometis";</p> +<p>For me, I do not care two pins</p> +<p>How they pronounce him, if he only wins.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p class="author1">O. S.</p> + </div> </div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h2>THE SERENE BATSMAN.</h2> + +<p>It is a common fallacy among cricketing coaches and their +pupils that when the young batsman has mastered all the +strokes that can be imparted to him at the nets his education +is complete. So far from that being the case, it has +barely begun. Under the prevailing system, the psychological +factor, the most important of all, is entirely neglected. +The most trying moment of a cricketer's life is when he first +steps forth alone from the pavilion of a public ground. In +that moment all that the old pro has taught him of cuts and +drives, forward play and back play, will not prevent his knees +from weakening as he totters to the wicket, whereas the +following hints may enable him to face the occasion with +confidence if not contempt.</p> + +<p>Remember that for a public performer a good entrance +is more than half the battle; the first impression on the +spectators is the most lasting.</p> + +<p>Nothing looks worse than a batsman hurrying out at a +furtive trot, as if he were going to pawn his bat. When +your turn comes to go in, take care to be just within the +regulation two minutes, but school yourself to emerge from +the pavilion at a leisurely stride with more than a suspicion +of swagger in it. The bat should not be carried as a shy +curate carries a shabby umbrella, but either boldly across +the shoulder, like a rifle, or tucked under the armpit, so that +you may do up your batting-gloves in your progress across +the greensward. An excellent effect will be produced if +you pause half-way and execute a few fancy strokes at an +imaginary ball. Besides, you may not have another opportunity +of displaying your accomplishment.</p> + +<p>Having, as it were, reported yourself at the wicket, it is +a good plan to discover that you need a new batting-glove. +This will afford you an excuse for a return journey to the +pavilion, during which your gait will lose nothing in stateliness +if you can manage to adopt the goose-step. On your +return to the wicket you will probably find, if the weather +is mild and the grass dry, that the fieldsmen are reclining +on the ground; it will enhance your reputation for nonchalance +and good-fellowship if you can contrive to give one +of them a playful pat with your bat in passing, especially +if he is a total stranger to you and much your senior.</p> + +<p>On your second arrival at the wicket, you might get the +wicket-keeper to take his gloves off and adjust the straps of +your pads. This is one of many subtle ways of demoralising +the fielding side and whetting the interest of the onlookers.</p> + +<p>After taking middle with such scrupulous exactitude as +to imply that you suspect the umpire's eyesight, take one +of the bails and scratch a block deep enough to plant +something in. Then beckon to the square-leg umpire to +come and replace the bail. In this you will be strictly +within the law, and nobody can suspect you of the surreptitious +use of a little cobbler's wax.</p> + +<p>Your next move should be to summon the other batsman +to a whispered conference in the middle of the pitch. It +doesn't much matter what you say to him; a new funny +story or the plot of a play you saw last week will serve to +make him assume an air of thoughtful attention.</p> + +<p>After a chat of about five minutes, you will return slowly +to your crease, there to scrutinise the slip fieldsmen, and +then to gaze all round the ground as if to make sure that +the other side is not playing more than eleven men.</p> + +<p>When taking your stance you will do well to give full +effect to some such mannerism as Mr. <span class="sc">Warner's</span> trick of +hitching up the left side of the trousers and tapping the +ground seven times. And just as the bowler is about to +start his run you can disconcert him by suddenly whipping +round to see if they have moved another man over to the +leg side while your back was turned.</p> + +<p>As soon as the bowler has covered half his course to the +wicket you should raise your hand to arrest his career. +Then you must stroll about a third of the way up the pitch +and give the ground a good slapping with the face of +your bat.</p> + +<p>If you feel so inclined, there is no reason why you should +not repeat this manœuvre. Nothing is more calculated to +upset a highly-strung bowler. And when the ball does +come down the chances are that it will be a wide, in +which case you will have earned one run for your side. +If, on the other hand, it should happen to knock your +middle stump out of the ground, there is nothing more to +be done, but you will have the satisfactory feeling that your +little turn in the limelight has not been utterly inglorious.</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h4 style="margin-top: -0.5em;"><span class="sc">Cecil Clay</span>.</h4> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>Athlete and wit, whose genial tongue</p> +<p>Cheered and refreshed but never stung;</p> +<p>Maker of mirth and wholesome jokes;</p> +<p>Fit mate of dear <span class="sc">Rosina Vokes</span>;</p> +<p>Creator, to our endless joy,</p> +<p>Of priceless <i>Arthur Pomeroy</i>—</p> +<p>Light lie the earth above his head</p> +<p>Who lightened many a heart of lead;</p> +<p>Courteous and chivalrous and gay,</p> +<p>In very truth no common Clay.</p> + </div> </div> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indrl">We learn with regret of the death of Mr. <span class="sc">A. Chantrey +Corbould</span>, whose work as a sporting artist was familiar +to an earlier generation of <i>Punch's</i> readers. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page423" id="page423"></a>[pg 423]</span></p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/423-1500.png"><img src="images/423-380.png" width="380" height="463" alt="ENVOYS EXTRAORDINARY." /></a> +<h2>ENVOYS EXTRAORDINARY.</h2> + +<p><span class="sc">Prime Minister</span> (<i>to Bolshevist Delegates.</i>) "HAPPY TO SEE YOU, +GENTLEMEN. BUT WOULD +YOU MIND GOING ROUND BY THE TRADESMEN'S ENTRANCE, JUST FOR THE LOOK OF +THE THING?"</p></div> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page424" id="page424"></a>[pg 424]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/424-1500.png"><img src="images/424-600.png" width="600" height="408" alt="Shipwrecked Mariner. 'Ahoy, mates! Wot 's won t' Derby?'" /></a> +<p class="center"><i>Shipwrecked Mariner.</i> "<span class="sc">Ahoy, mates! Wot 's won t' +Derby?</span>"</p></div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + + +<h3>THE RISE AND FALL OF AN AMATEUR EXAMINER.</h3> + +<p>The Nabobs is, I suppose, one of the +best girls' schools in England. Anyhow +it is perhaps the most exclusive +unless you have money enough. But, +as the prospectus says, "it commands +an extensive view of the English +Channel," and I suppose these things +have to be paid for. At all events there +is no doubt that the principal, Miss +Penn-Cushing, has her heart in her +work and is a splendid disciplinarian, +and so I sent my niece Mollie there to +be finished (her mother being in India).</p> + +<p>I have an idea at times that it is +Mollie who will finish Miss Penn-Cushing, +but I try to preserve a benevolent +neutrality combined with a regular +supply of food parcels to my niece.</p> + +<p>Miss Penn-Cushing is LL.A. of one +University and LL.B. of another, and, +I think, LL.C. of a third, so that she +ought to be more than a match for six +Mollies.</p> + +<p>I have always had the impression +that Miss Penn-Cushing regarded me +as a humble entomological specimen +until the other day when she paid me +a staggering compliment. She herself +teaches all the English literature in +her academy, and each class in turn +goes up to her room to receive its daily +dose. Mollie says that when she grows +up she is going to give up English +literature for ever and read something +interesting.</p> + +<p>I am glad that the revered Principal +is never present to hear Mollie's blasphemies, +at which I as an uncle have +to shudder. Since the publication of +<i>The Cambridge History of English +Literature</i> Miss Penn-Cushing has +been steadily absorbing it, to help her +in her daily task, and has apparently +reached the chapter in which is suitably +acknowledged the debt of English +literature to <i>Punch</i>.</p> + +<p>So at least I judge, for she gave the +girls a long serious talk on humour in +literature, how to detect it and what +should be done about it. One rather +sensitive child began to cry, but Mollie, +who has never kept a secret in her life +and in fact loves to drag her uncle's +skeletons out of cupboards, blurted out, +"Uncle writes for <i>Punch</i>!"</p> + +<p>I was somewhat alarmed when I +heard of this, for I did not know how +Miss Penn-Cushing, who keeps all the +girls' uncles in order, might take it. +My fears were groundless, perhaps +stupid, for the immediate result was an +invitation to examine Mollie's form in +literature at the forthcoming Christmas +examination. I felt uplifted in +spirit; I felt that people were beginning +to understand me. I even entertained +an hallucination that perhaps Mollie +might now treat my intellect with +respect and stop calling me "Old dear." +Three inches taller I sat down to my +desk and, thanking Miss Penn-Cushing +for the honour paid me, I promised I +would do my best, although it would +be my first appearance in the <i>rôle</i>.</p> + +<p>I determined, however, not to allow +this distinction to make me overbearing +to my inferiors at our next speech-day. +I would be affable to ordinary uncles, +common parents and guardians of the +other girls, but I would lead the conversation +artfully on to other literary +critics and examiners of the past. As +a preparation I read up <span class="sc">Matthew +Arnold</span>.</p> + +<p>It is not easy to be an examiner, I +found. I would rather write ten leading +articles than one examination-paper. +It appeared that I had to set themes for +essays as well as questions in literature. +We never learnt literature when +I was young and I didn't know you +could, but I borrowed a text-book from +Mollie and did my best.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page425" id="page425"></a>[pg 425]</span> + +<p>The result was a crushing letter +from the lady principal. She said that +"The Ten Points of a good Doll" +seemed a preposterous subject for senior +students of literature to write about, +and "My Favourite Elopement in Fiction" +would be outside the purview of +any of her girls. She would substitute +instead (with my permission), "The +Debt of Literature (as well as Science) +to <span class="sc">Darwin</span>" and "My Favourite Piece +of Epic Poetry." In fine, if I did not +really mind, she would herself set all +the questions and I should examine the +answers. She thought that the more +fructiferous course.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 300px;"><a href="images/425-1000.png"><img src="images/425-300.png" width="300" height="460" alt="Farmer. 'Eh, Lucy, these moving stairs do be vine things vor saving volk's time.'" /></a> +<p><i>Farmer.</i> "<span class="sc">Eh, Lucy, these moving stairs do be vine +things vor saving volk's time.</span>"</p></div> + +<p>How to mark was my chief difficulty. +How many marks should one give a +darling with brown eyes and a musical +laugh (Mollie has brought her to tea +often) who signs herself "Norah +O'Brien," and winds up delightful irrelevances +about <span class="sc">Darwin</span> and her abhorrence +of reptiles with a personal appeal +to the examiner. I do not know what +other examiners do in such cases. It +was a beautifully worded and most respectful +appeal. I decided to give her +forty for Norah and forty for O'Brien. +Both names have always appealed to +me.</p> + +<p>This made it necessary for me to give +eighty marks to her sister Kathleen, +who wrote really an excellent essay on +a subject we had stupidly forgotten to +set. It was an excellent subject, and +she has even browner eyes than Norah, +but as an examiner one must be rigid +and impartial.</p> + +<p>Eunice came next. This name recalled +dear memories of the past and of +what might have been. But as an examiner +I could not let old dreams weigh +down my impartial scales, so I refused +to give her more than eighty. Finally, +for they are really charming girls and +know far more about literature than I +do, I gave eighty to everybody except +Mollie, and for being Mollie I gave her +eighty-two.</p> + +<p>I forgot. There was one perfectly +horrid little girl called Katie de Pinnock. +She never shared her chocolates +with anyone; the fact was notorious. +She wrote in a copperplate hand sentiments +like these: "<span class="sc">Milton</span> awes me; +<span class="sc">Shelley</span> thrills me; <span class="sc">Blake</span>, the prophet +of self-sacrifice, is ever my consolation +and my guide. I ask for nothing +beyond." I gave her nineteen.</p> + +<p>And now comes the tragedy. Miss +Penn-Cushing's letter of thanks was +icy. She feared I had been "a thought +nepotic," and (with my permission) she +would revise my marks.</p> + +<p>She dealt me the final blow at our +Speech-Day. "I have decided," she +gave out, "to award the first prize in +Literature to Miss Katie de Pinnock. I +am sure, though, that you will not be +surprised to hear that Mr. Marcus +O'Reilly, our examiner, was so impressed +with the literary excellence of +all your papers that he has presented +the whole class with consolation prizes. +We tender him our heartiest thanks."</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>Commercial Candour.</h3> + +<h4>Extract from a Canadian business-circular:—</h4> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +"What intelligent car owners have been +looking for is a tire that will give them a minimum +amount of service for a maximum +amount of expenditure. You can get that +tire from us." +</p></blockquote> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>"THE MASSACRE OF THE INNOCENTS.</h3> + +<h4><span class="sc">By the Rt. Hon. C. F. G. Masterman.</span></h4> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +'Die, thou children of stormy dawn,' cries +the Prime Minister to-day, as he stamps out +the life of his little land taxes."—<i>Daily News.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<p class="ind2">According to his critic Mr. <span class="sc">Lloyd +George</span> seems to have done great +violence to his syntax as well as to his +little land taxes.</p> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +"The bride, a tall brunette, looked a vision +of golden beauty as she advanced up the aisle +on the arm of her father."—<i>Evening Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<p class="ind2">We do not think that this was the +right occasion for an exposure of +feminine camouflage.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page426" id="page426"></a>[pg 426]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>THE ART OF POETRY.</h3> + +<h4>I.</h4> + +<p>Many people have said to me, "I +wish I could write poems. I often try, +but——" They mean, I gather, that +the impulse, the creative itch, is in +them, but they don't know how to +satisfy it. My own position is that I +know how to write poetry, but I can't +be bothered. I have not got the itch. +The least I can do, however, is to try to +help those who have.</p> + +<p>A mistake commonly committed by +novices is to make up their minds what +it is they are going to say before they +begin. This is superfluous effort, tending +to cramp the style. It is permissible, +if not essential, to select a <i>subject</i>—say, +<span class="sc">MUD</span>—but any detailed argument +or plan which may restrict the free development +of metre and rhyme (if any) +is to be discouraged.</p> + +<p>With that understanding, let us now +write a poem about <span class="sc">MUD</span>.</p> + +<p>I should begin in this sort of way:—</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>Mud, mud,</p> +<p>Nothing but mud,</p> +<p>O my God!</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>It will be seen at once that we are +not going to have much rhyme in this +poem; or if we do we shall very soon +be compelled to strike a sinister note, +because almost the only rhymes to +<i>mud</i> are <i>blood</i> and <i>flood</i>; while, as the +authors of our hymns have discovered, +there are very few satisfactory rhymes +to <i>God</i>. They shamefully evaded the +difficulty by using words like <i>road</i>, but +in first-class poetry one cannot do that. +On the whole, therefore, this poem had +better be <i>vers libre</i>. That will take +much less time and be more dramatic, +without plunging us into a flood of +blood or anything drastic like that. +We now go on with a little descriptive +business:—</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>Into the sunset, swallowing up the sun,</p> +<p>Crawling, creeping,</p> +<p>The naked flats——</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>Now there ought to be a verb. That +is the worst of <i>vers libre</i>; one gets +carried away by beautiful phrases and +is brought up suddenly by a complete +absence of verbs. However at a pinch +one can do without a verb; that is the +best of <i>vers libre</i>:—</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>Amber and gold,</p> +<p>Deep-stained in mystery</p> +<p>And the colours of mystery,</p> +<p class="i8">Inapprehensible,</p> +<p>Golden like wet-gold,</p> +<p>Amber like a woman of Arabia</p> +<p>That has in her breast</p> +<p>The forsaken treasures of old Time,</p> +<p>Love and Destruction,</p> +<p>Oblivion and Decay,</p> +<p>And bully-beef tins,</p> +<p class="i8">Tin upon tin,</p> +<p>Old boots, and bottles that hold no more</p> +<p>Their richness in them.</p> +<p class="i8">And I——</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>We might do a good deal more of +this descriptive business, bringing in +something about dead bodies, mud of +course being full of dead bodies. But +we had better get on. We strike now +the personal note:—</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p class="i8">And I,</p> +<p>I too am no more than a bottle,</p> +<p class="i8">An empty bottle,</p> +<p>Heaving helpless on the mud of life,</p> +<p>Without a label and without a cork,</p> +<p>Empty I am, yet no man troubles</p> +<p class="i8">To return me.</p> +<p class="i8">And why?</p> +<p>Because there is not sixpence on me.</p> +<p class="i8">Bah!</p> +<p>The sun goes down in the West</p> +<p class="i8">(Or is it the East?)</p> +<p>But I remain here,</p> +<p>Drifting empty under the night,</p> +<p class="i8">Drifting——</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>When one is well away with this +part of the poem it is almost impossible +to stop. When you are writing in +metre you come eventually to the +eighth line of the last verse and you +have to stop; but in <i>vers libre</i> you +have no assistance of that kind. This +particular poem is being written for +instructional purposes in a journal of +limited capacity, so it will probably +have to stop fairly soon; but in practice +it would go on for a long time yet. In +any case, however, it would end in the +same way, like this:—</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>Mud, mud,</p> +<p>Nothing but mud,</p> +<p>O, my God!</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>That reasserts, you see, in a striking +manner, the original <i>motif</i>, and somehow +expresses in a few words the poignant +melancholy of the whole poem. +Another advantage in finishing a long +poem, such as this would be, in the same +way as you began it is that it makes it +clear to the reader that he is still reading +the same poem. Sometimes, and +especially in <i>vers libre</i> of an emotional +and digressive character, the reader has +a hideous fear that he has turned over +two pages and got into another poem +altogether. This little trick reassures +him; and if you are writing <i>vers libre</i> +you must not lose any legitimate +opportunity of reassuring the reader.</p> + +<p>To treat the same theme in metre +and rhyme will be a much more difficult +matter. The great thing will be +to avoid getting <i>mud</i> at the end of a +line, for the reasons already given. We +had better have long ten-syllable lines, +and we had better have four of them +in each verse. <span class="sc">Gray</span> wrote an elegy +in that metre which has given general +satisfaction. We will begin:—</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>As I came down through Chintonbury Hole</p> +<p class="i2">The tide rolled out from Wurzel to the sea.</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>In a serious poem of this kind it is +essential to establish a locality atmosphere +at once; therefore one mentions +a few places by name to show that one +has been there. If the reader has been +there too he will like the poem, and if +he hasn't no harm is done. The only +thing is that locally Chintonbury is +probably pronounced Chun'bury, in +which case it will not scan. One cannot +be too careful about that sort of +thing. However, as an illustration +Chintonbury will serve.</p> + +<p>It is now necessary to show somehow +in this verse that the poem is about +mud; it is also necessary to organise a +rhyme for 'Hole' and a rhyme for +'sea,' and of the two this is the more +important. I shall do it like this:—</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>And like the unclothéd levels of my soul</p> +<p class="i2">The yellow mud lay mourning nakedly.</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>There is a good deal to be said against +these two lines. For one thing I am +not sure that the mud ought to be yellow; +it will remind people of Covent +Garden Tube Station, and no one wants +to be reminded of that. However, it +does suggest the inexpressible biliousness +of the theme.</p> + +<p>I think "levels" is a little weak. It +is a good poetical word and doesn't +mean anything in particular; but we +have too many words of that kind in +this verse. "Deserts" would do, except +that deserts and mud don't go very well +together. However, that sort of point +must be left to the individual writer.</p> + +<p>At first sight the student may think +that "naked<i>ly</i>" is not a good rhyme +for "sea." Nor is it. If you do that +kind of thing in comic poetry no editor +will give you money. But in serious +poetry it is quite legitimate; in fact it +is rather encouraged. That is why +serious poetry is so much easier than +comic poetry. In my next lecture I +shall deal with comic poetry.</p> + +<p>I don't think I shall finish this poem +now. The fact is, I am not feeling so inspired +as I was. It is very hot. Besides, +I have got hay-fever and keep on sneezing. +Constant sneezing knocks all the +inspiration out of a man. At the same +time a tendency to hay-fever is a sign +of intellect and culture, and all the +great poets were martyrs to it. That +is why none of them grew very lyrical +about hay. Corn excited them a good +deal, and even straw, but hay hardly ever.</p> + +<p>So the student must finish this poem +as best he can, and I shall be glad to +consider and criticise what he does, +though I may say at once that there +will be no prize. It ought to go on for +another eight verses or so, though that +is not essential in these days, for if it +simply won't go on it can just stop in +the middle. Only then it must be +headed "<span class="sc">Mud</span>: A Fragment."</p> + +<p>And in any case, in the bottom left-hand +corner, the student must write: +<i>Chintonbury, May 28th, 1920.</i></p> + +<p class="author">A. P. H.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page427" id="page427"></a>[pg 427]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"><a href="images/427-1500.png"><img src="images/427-370.png" width="370" height="468" alt="MANNERS AND MODES." /></a> +<h3>MANNERS AND MODES.</h3> + +<p>WHAT OUR PROFITEER'S BUTLER (WHO WAS TAKEN ON WITH THE HOUSE AND FURNITURE) HAS +TO +PUT UP WITH:—MASTER'S RELATIONS.</p></div> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page428" id="page428"></a>[pg 428]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>ELIZABETH'S TIP FOR THE DERBY.</h3> + +<h4>"Talkin' o' the Derby," began Elizabeth.</h4> + +<p>As a matter of fact I was not talking +of the Derby or even thinking of it at +the moment. I had just been telling +Elizabeth that the omelette which she +had served us at dinner was leathery, +and her remark struck me as irrelevant.</p> + +<p>"Master thinks the omelettes would +be lighter if you fried them in more +butter," I continued. Of course Master +had thought nothing of the kind. But +nowadays complaints must be conveyed +to domestics in this indirect way.</p> + +<p>Elizabeth ignored the omelette. "I'm +goin' to win fifty pounds at least," she +exclaimed, and in her excitement broke +the cup she held—I mean to say the +cup came in two in her hand as she +spoke. "I've got a bit on +an 'orse for the Derby."</p> + +<p>I felt slightly shocked. +It is always surprising to +discover a latent sporting +instinct in one's domestics, +unless they are highly +placed and dignified domestics +like butlers or +head-footmen; but in a +cook-general it seems peculiarly +low.</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't bet if I +were you," I advised; "I +think—er—<i>Master</i> thinks," +I added involuntarily—"that +you might lose +money at it."</p> + +<p>"But I'm goin' to <i>win</i> +money this time," announced +Elizabeth triumphantly; +"my young man +ses so, and 'e knows."</p> + +<p>"Which young man?" I inquired.</p> + +<p>Elizabeth, I ought perhaps to explain, +is uncertain about her young men. She +never has any lack of them; but they +are like ships that pass in the night +(her night out as a rule) and one by one +they drift off, never stopping to cast +anchor in her vicinity. You know what +I mean. Elizabeth can't <i>keep</i> a young +man. Perhaps she lacks the charm +which <span class="sc">Barrie</span> describes as "a sort of a +bloom on a woman." Or if she has any +of that bloom it must be swamped in +the moist oleaginous atmosphere of +washing-up which seems to cling permanently +about her.</p> + +<p>"It's a new young man," said Elizabeth +in answer to my question, "an' +'e's got work in a racin' stable, so that's +'ow 'e knows wot's goin' to win. It'll +be an outsider, 'e ses, which makes it +all the better for me."</p> + +<p>"All the better for you?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, 'm. You see, the more you puts +on the more you wins."</p> + +<p>Elizabeth may not have charm but +she certainly has simplicity. "You +don't mean to say," I cried, a light +breaking on me, "that you got your +next month's wages in advance just to +put it all on a horse?"</p> + +<p>"That I did," she replied complacently. +"You see, my young man ses that, +if you put it on some time before'and, +you get a better price, so I thort I'd +give it to 'im to put on at once. 'E +promised 'e wouldn't waste a minnit +over it."</p> + +<p>"But this is most foolish of you—to +trust your money to an entire stranger," +I expostulated.</p> + +<p>"'E isn't a stranger—'e's my young +man," corrected Elizabeth, tossing her +head.</p> + +<p>For the following few days she was +radiant—but then anybody would be +who was certain of the winner of the +Derby a week before the race. In +addition to this she had got a young +man. Those brief periods when Elizabeth's +young men are in the incipient +stages of paying her attention are +agreeable to everybody. Elizabeth, feeling +no doubt in her rough untutored +way that God's in His heaven and all's +right with the world, sings at her work; +she shows extraordinary activity when +going about her duties. She does unusual +things like remembering to polish +the brasses every week—indeed you +have only to step into the hall and glance +at the stair-rods to discover the exact +stage of her latest "affair." I remember +that, when one ardent swain "in the flying +corpse" went to the length of offering +her marriage before he flew away, +she cleaned the entire house down in +her enthusiasm, and had actually got +to the cellars before he vanished out +of her life.</p> + +<p>The follower from the racing stable +might aptly be described as "The Man +Who Never Came Back." He romped +out of Elizabeth's existence on the Sunday +preceding the Derby.</p> + +<p>"I waited for 'im four-an'-an-'arf 'ours, +an' 'e didn't turn up," she informed me +next day.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps he was prevented from +keeping the appointment," I suggested +to comfort her, though I felt the outlook +was gloomy.</p> + +<p>She shook her head. "I'll never see +'im no more. I <i>know</i> 'em," she said, +drawing on the depth of her experience +of young men who do the vanishing +trick. "An' my money gone too. It's +'eartbreakin'. But I might 'ave known +that that there 'orse was a bad sign."</p> + +<p>"What horse?" I asked, bewildered.</p> + +<p>"The one 'e told me to put my money +on. The name alone ought to have set +me agen it; it was too true to life."</p> + +<p>"And what was the +name of the horse?" I +inquired as she drifted +dismally to the door.</p> + +<p>"'E Goes," said Elizabeth +mournfully.</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a href="images/428-1000.png"><img src="images/428-500.png" width="500" height="348" alt="'Try 'im wiv a worm, Guv'nor!'" /></a> +<p class="center">"<span class="sc">Try 'im wiv a worm, Guv'nor!</span>"</p></div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>THINGS NOT GENERALLY KNOWN.</h3> + +<h4>(<i>By our Lunatic Contributor.</i>)</h4> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>That the notorious <span class="sc">King Belshazzar</span></p> +<p>Was noted as the earliest Jazzer;</p> +<p>That, on the contrary, <span class="sc">Zerubbabel</span></p> +<p>Was most exclusive and unclubbable;</p> +<p>That <span class="sc">Romulus</span> and brother <span class="sc">Remus</span></p> +<p>Were not so tall as Polyphemus;</p> +<p>That the one weakness of Calypso</p> +<p>Was what is briefly known as "dipso;"</p> +<p>That <span class="sc">Clodius</span>, very long ago,</p> +<p>First bore the nickname of "Old Clo;"</p> +<p>That the illustrious <span class="sc">Palestrina</span></p> +<p>Did not invent the concertina;</p> +<p>That <span class="sc">Wagner's</span> methods in <i>Tannhäuser</i></p> +<p>Never appealed to <i>Mrs. Poyser</i>;</p> +<p>That the Albanian <span class="sc">Prenk Bib Doda</span></p> +<p>Prefers his whisky <i>minus</i> soda;</p> +<p>That good Professor <span class="sc">Flinders Petrie</span></p> +<p>Did not discover <span class="sc">Sacha Guitry</span>.</p> + </div> </div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>Our Journalistic Sleuths.</h3> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +"The circumstances under which the deceased +came by his death are shrouded in +mystery. From the gun shot wounds it is +surmised that he either shot himself or somebody +had shot him."—<i>Indian Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +"Would Persons present in Restaurant in +Shiprow on Saturday Night, when dispute +arose with regard to sixpence, please communicate +with No. 798 Express Office?"</p> + +<p class="author"><i>Scotch Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<p class="ind">Who heard the bang?</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page429" id="page429"></a>[pg 429]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/429-1500.png"><img src="images/429-600.png" width="600" height="461" alt="[Week-end hostesses are now giving 'Lend-a-hand' parties, at which every guest is expected to do some household service.]" /></a> +<p>[Week-end hostesses are now giving "Lend-a-hand" parties, at +which every guest is expected to do some household service.]</p> + +<p><i>Wife.</i> "<span class="sc">I'm asking Dolly Ditchwater this week-end. Bit dull, but she +doesn't drop the china.</span>"</p> + +<p><i>Husband.</i> "<span class="sc">Don't forget Bertie Bunt. Bit of a bounder, but he's an ace +at cleaning boots.</span>"</p></div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>AMERICA AGAIN.</h3> + +<p>A situation of extreme international +delicacy has recently arisen. We understand, +with regard to the impending +strike of Italian organ-grinders and ice-cream +merchants in the Metropolis, that +Signori Rimbombo Furioso and Fagiuolo +Antico, representing the Amalgamated +Society of Itinerant Instrumentalists +and the National Union of Refrigerated +Tuck Sellers, have lately been invited to +a conference with Dr. <span class="sc">Macnamara</span>, and +their economic grievances are now under +the consideration of the <span class="sc">Minister of +Labour</span>. These, briefly, are as follows:</p> + +<ul class="none"> +<li>(1) The high price of sugar.</li> + +<li>(2) Restricted hours and insufficient emoluments.</li> + +<li>(3) Undue interference by the police.</li> + +<li>(4) Inadequate supplies of monkey nuts.</li> +</ul> + +<p>It now appears that in order to make +a bid for the large Italian vote in the +forthcoming Presidential elections in +the U.S.A. a violent anti-British propaganda +campaign is raging on the +other side of the Atlantic, and that an +enormous amount of spurious sympathy +is being manufactured on behalf of the +purveyors of rotary music and frozen +confectionery in Soho. Beautiful Italian +girls are daily besieging the British +Embassy at Washington with placards +bearing such inscriptions as—</p> + + +<p class="center">SHOULD HOKEY POKEY SUFFER?</p> + +<p class="center">ENGLAND COERCES HER TRAVELLING ORGANISTS.</p> + +<p class="center">AMERICANS! HELP THE DUMB APE!</p> + + +<p>The agitation is the more uncalled for +since, as a matter of fact, both Signor +Furioso and Signor Antico, like most of +their compatriots in this country, are +pronounced Irredentists and filled with +aspirations for a larger Italy, so that +they have little or nothing in common +with anti-Imperialistic America. Nevertheless, +so bitter is the feeling which +has been aroused that large subsidies are +being sent overseas and Black Hand +gangs organised to resist the London +police. All over the outer suburbs +organ-grinders are refusing to move on, +and insist on playing well into the +early hours of the morning. Deleterious +substances of an explosive nature +are being mingled with the ice cream, +or else it is being supplied in such a +watery condition that it is impossible for +customers to lick it out of the receptacle +without ruining their shirt fronts and +waistcoats. Monkeys are being trained +to give violent manifestations of ferocity, +and, should the present heat-wave +continue, rabies is anticipated.</p> + +<p>The latest development is a rumoured +suggestion from the U.S.A. Government +that a representative should be +sent over to take part in the Conference, +and the names of Mr. <span class="sc">Joe Dempsey</span> +and Mr. <span class="sc">Charles Chaplin</span> have been +put forward as possible mediators.</p> + +<p class="author">V.</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +"All is not plane sailing yet for the German +in search of foreign markets."—<i>Evening Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<p class="ind2">But wait till their flying bagmen get to +work.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page430" id="page430"></a>[pg 430]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/430-1500.png"><img src="images/430-600.png" width="600" height="374" alt="Hairdresser in Ancient Assyria. 'Don't go, Sir. I shall be finished with this nobleman in three or four hours.'" /></a> +<p class="center"><i>Hairdresser in Ancient Assyria.</i> "<span class="sc">Don't go, Sir. I +shall be finished with this nobleman in three or four hours.</span>"</p></div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>PRACTICAL ZOOLOGY.</h3> + +<p>There is nothing which distinguishes +your true Briton so much as the systematic +study of the ways of wild animals, +and there is no kind of instruction which +an English child so eagerly accepts.</p> + +<p>"The addax or Nubian antelope," +how frequently one may hear a father +say to his small son in the schoolroom, +"has horns very similar to those of the +Indian antelope, but is a larger animal." +"Yes, father," responds the boy brightly, +"it has a tuft of long hair on the forehead +and large broad hoofs, adapted for +treading on fine and loose sands."</p> + +<p>But it is easier perhaps to make +these nice points in natural history in +the comparative calm of the home than +in the more frenzied atmosphere that +reigns in the Zoological Gardens themselves. +It is for that reason that I +have put together the few notes which +follow, hoping that they may assist +the reader to adopt a definite system +in dealing with this great national institution +and educate the young mind +on a reasoned and scientific plan.</p> + +<p>Take the order of visiting the cages +first. I do not complain of your natural +wish to begin with the giraffe, because +it has such an absurdly long neck and +may possibly mistake Pamela's straw-hat +for a bunch of hay and try to eat it, +and because you will be able to see the +hippopotamus on the way. As a matter +of fact you will find that the giraffe is +not standing near the bars at all, but +close to its stable, where it is mincing +and bridling exactly like a lady in a +Victorian novel, and as for the hippopotamus +you cannot see the pretty pink +part of him because he is giving his +famous imitation of a submarine. But +never mind that. Your difficulty now +will be, "What shall we do next?" +and in order to assist you I have constructed +a logical order for visiting the +various cages. Here it is:—</p> + + +<ul class="none"> +<li>1. The lions, because you can hear +them already roaring most horribly +fiercely.</li> + +<li>2. The sea-lions, because they are +saying "Ock, ock."</li> + +<li>3. The lions, because the tiger may +be roaring too this time.</li> + +<li>4. The Elephant House. No, Pamela, +I don't know why he is swaying about +like that.</li> + +<li>5. The lions, because Tony did not +really see the black panther, which was +asleep in one corner of its cage.</li> + +<li>6. The Monkey House. I suppose +we <i>must</i>.</li> + +<li>7. The lions, to wait there till they +are fed.</li> +</ul> + + +<p>The only trouble about this order is +that you may not have much time to +visit the Mappin Terraces, and it is of +course very important that you should +go there because of the bears. The +bears by rights should be fed on umbrellas, +because they suck the stick and +the ribs of the frame for all the world +as if they were pieces of asparagus, and +tear the silk part very carefully into +tiny little shreds. But umbrellas are +very expensive just now and the keeper +does not think they are very good for +the bears either. It is better to give +them oranges, but oranges are expensive +too, so you must make quite certain +that you do not waste them on the +grizzlies which are not on the Mappin +Terraces at all. It is no use giving an +orange to a grizzly bear, because it goes +down with one quick motion, like the +red into the right-hand top pocket. +But if you give it to one of the Himalayan +bears he opens it and scoops out +all the inside and guzzles it up and +then sits down and licks his paws exactly +like a Christian, and while he is +doing that the other Himalayan bear +comes up and is so annoyed at not +having an orange too that he lies down +and groans with rage and flaps himself +with his paws. So you have to get +another orange.</p> + +<p>Another thing that you have missed +all this time and ought to see if possible is the Antelope House, where the +telephone is. I don't know why the +antelopes want a telephone more than +all the other animals, but they do. Of +course if they knew how bad the telephone +is they would realise that with +their long legs they could get there and +back again in much quicker time than +it takes to get a call through.</p> + +<p>And then there are the Small Birds. +It is not known to everybody, least of +all, I think, to poets, that the nightingale +sings best of all in a cage in broad +daylight and amongst a lot of other +birds, all twittering away like anything. +We should like to take Mr. +<span class="sc">Robert Bridges</span> to the Small Birds' +House. We should like to take Mr. +<span class="sc">Robert Smillie</span> there too, and introduce +him to the bird just underneath +the nightingale, which is called the +Talking Mynah.</p> + +<p>But you are not very much interested +in coal or poetry, and will probably +like the Sugar Birds best, for, if there +is anything more delightful than being +a bird, especially a tiny little bird, blue +or green underneath, it must be living +on sugar and having grapes stuck in +the bars of your cage.</p> + +<p>The snakes of course are slimy sort +of creatures and their house is a long +way off, and, though we fully agree +with you that the monkeys were just +like real persons, we think we really +ought to be starting home now.</p> + +<p>No, there is no time to see the lions +again....</p> + +<p class="author"><span class="sc">Evoe.</span></p> + +<hr class="medium" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page431" id="page431"></a>[pg 431]</span> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"><a href="images/431-1500.png"><img src="images/431-370.png" width="370" height="469" alt="A DARK HORSE." /></a> +<h2>A DARK HORSE.</h2> + +<p><span class="sc">Profiteer</span>. "'ECONOMY'? NEVER HEARD THE NAME. LOOKS AS IF HE MIGHT +SPOIL MY BOOK, THOUGH."</p></div> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page432" id="page432"></a>[pg 432]</span> + +<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page433" id="page433"></a>[pg 433]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/433-1500.png"><img src="images/433-600.png" width="600" height="428" alt="THE NICETIES OF CLOTHES ECONOMY." /></a> +<h3>THE NICETIES OF CLOTHES ECONOMY.</h3> + +<p>"<span class="sc">Good Lord! That fellow's actually had his overalls <i>patched</i>!</span>"</p> + +<p>"<span class="sc">Darned little fop.</span>"</p></div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>THE CAP THAT FITS.</h3> + +<p>"Gerald, dear," said my wife the +other evening, "I wish you'd write +and order some more notepaper; we've +hardly any left."</p> + +<p>"All right, Margaret. What sort do +you want? The last lot was beastly—too +thick to make into spills and not +large enough for drawing up the fire."</p> + +<p>"Well, here's a list of the different +kinds they have in stock at Jones and +Robinson's."</p> + +<p>I took it from her and glanced through +it. "What do you say to 'Cream Laid,' +Margaret? I like the sound of that. +It will make me feel so nice and cool +in the hot weather to think of the rows +of fresh-faced country girls, in their +spotless white overalls, pouring the +cream delicately over the paper. I +wonder how they get it to stop exactly +at the edge?"</p> + +<p>"It wants a very cool head and +steady hand, I expect," said Margaret; +"they'd all be picked cream-layers, of +course. But how would you like 'thick +hand-made paper with deckle edges'? +What are deckle edges, I wonder; and +how is paper hand-made?"</p> + +<p>"Rather like treading grapes, I fancy, +only that's done by foot. I mean they +smash up the pulp with a very heavy +pestle in a huge——"</p> + +<p>"Mortar!" cried Margaret triumphantly.</p> + +<p>"Yes; but am I telling this story or +are you? Well, and then they put it +through a mangle——"</p> + +<p>"Wurzel," said Margaret.</p> + +<p>"Wrong—just a mangle, and roll it +out flat, after which they deckle the +edges."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page434" id="page434"></a>[pg 434]</span> + +<p>"But how do they do that, Gerald?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, they just call in the edge-deckler +and say, 'See to 't that yon edges +be deckled ere set o' sun,' and he sees +to 't. His is a most important post, I +believe."</p> + +<p>Margaret came and sat on a tuffet +by my chair.</p> + +<p>"Sorry about wurzel," she said. +"Now tell me all about machine-made +paper, there's a dear. It will be so +nice to be able to explain all this to +Nat when he's older."</p> + +<p>"Paper-making by machinery, my +dear," I said graciously, "is a most +complicated process. I won't puzzle +you with all the details, but roughly the +idea is to pulp up the—er—rags and +so on in a huge sort of—er—bowl, and +then to roll it out thin in the rolling-out +machine."</p> + +<p>Margaret thought this over. "It +sounds just the same as the hand-made," +she said.</p> + +<p>"Oh, <i>no</i>," I said quickly; "it's all +done by <i>machinery</i>, you see. Pistons +and rollers and—er—mechanical edge-decklers +and so on."</p> + +<p>"And what does 'Linen Wove' mean?"</p> + +<p>"They employ people to thread the +paper with linen threads, my dear. A +very delicate performance; that's why +Linen Wove is so expensive. Azure +Wove is, of course, done with blue flaxen +threads. Silurian Bond is made by a +fellowship of geologists, and for Chelsea +Bank they have a factory on the bank +of the Thames at Cheyne Walk. That's +all I need tell you, though I know a +lot more."</p> + +<p>"I never realised before how awfully +interesting paper-making could be," +said Margaret gratefully. "Write and +order me a good supply of Chelsea +Cream Wove, will you, dear? Oh, and +some other kind for yourself, to write +your stories on. Don't forget."</p> + +<p>"Very well; Chelsea Cream Wove +for you. And what shall I have?"</p> + +<p>Margaret's mouth twitched a little.</p> + +<p>"Foolscap, I think, dear," she said.</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/434-1500.png"><img src="images/434-600.png" width="600" height="400" alt="Sandy (viewing doctor's bill). 'But the bill is no richt, Sir...'" /></a> +<p><i>Sandy (viewing doctor's bill).</i> "<span class="sc">But the bill is no +richt, Sir. Ye've charged me for seven days instead o' six. Dinna +ye mind I was deleerious one day an' was not aweer of your presence?</span>"</p></div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>ANALGESIA.</h3> + +<p class="center">(<i>With Mr. Punch's best wishes for the +speedy recovery of the French <span class="sc">President</span>.</i>)</p> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +["President Deschanel ... was compelled +to take several analgesia cachets. (Analgesia +is a condition in which there is incapacity of +feeling pain)."]—<i>Evening Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>When, haply through excess of cake,</p> +<p class="i2">In childhood's days of fun and frolic,</p> +<p>I suffered from that local ache</p> +<p class="i2">Known to the Faculty as colic;</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>Or if across the foam I fared</p> +<p class="i2">And was (invariably) sea-sick,</p> +<p>How much distress had I been spared</p> +<p class="i2">Just by a simple analgesic.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>In the Headmaster's awesome den,</p> +<p class="i2">His cane poised o'er me palely bending,</p> +<p>A lozenge deftly swallowed then</p> +<p class="i2">Had eased the smart of its descending.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>Thus might I have indulged in "rags,"</p> +<p class="i2">Immune from every sore corrective,</p> +<p>Nor need I then have stuffed my bags</p> +<p class="i2">With notebooks, often ineffective.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>Henceforth, in any sort of fuss—</p> +<p class="i2">Life's little incidental dramas,</p> +<p>As when one boards a motor-bus</p> +<p class="i2">Or leaps from trains in one's pyjamas—</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>I'll take a tabloid. <span class="sc">Deschanel!</span></p> +<p class="i2">So much to me your agile feat meant;</p> +<p><i>L'exemple presidentiel</i></p> +<p class="i2">Lends quite a <i>cachet</i> to the treatment.</p> + </div> </div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + + +<h3>"59 ACCIDENTS IN 5 YEARS.</h3> + +<h4>PROPOSED ROAD WIDENING TO INCLUDE CEMETERY CORNER."</h4> + +<p class="author1"><i>Evening Paper.</i></p> + + +<p class="ind">The only alternative would appear to +be to enlarge the cemetery.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page435" id="page435"></a>[pg 435]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + + +<h3>AN ERROR OF JUDGMENT AT EPSOM.</h3> + +<p>I am not attending the Derby this year. +Nor was it my original intention to go +last year, but since my beneficent employers, +unasked, offered me a day off, +Selina insisted we ought to go. It was +a national institution, a sight everyone +should see once in a lifetime, and so +forth. I protested it was an extravagance; +that to be married was really +more than we could afford, let alone +race-meetings. But Selina was firm. +She would pay, if necessary, out of the +house-keeping money. Besides it need +cost nothing. We might win enough +money to cover our expenses.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 370px;"><a href="images/435-1000.png"><img src="images/435-370.png" width="370" height="466" alt="'So you absented yourself without leave, and went to Epsom.'" /></a> +<p>"<span class="sc">So you absented yourself without leave, and went to Epsom. +What have +you got to say?</span>"</p> + +<p>"<span class="sc">That it was worth it, Sir, even if it do mean the loss of my +pension.</span>"</p></div> + +<p>Thus the idea of betting was introduced. +Gambling in all forms is against +my principles; and how I came to give +in on the point I scarcely know. From +the way Selina argued one might have +supposed that a bet on the Derby was +a prudent investment, something in +the nature of a life-insurance which no +careful husband would neglect to make. +So I yielded, merely stipulating that +our stake was not to exceed one pound: +and this amount fortunately satisfied +Selina's conception of recklessness.</p> + +<p>So upon the appointed day we found +ourselves at the famous Heath, or is it +the Downs? The selection of a horse +to bear our fortunes to victory was not +made without anxious debate, since +Selina's choice was based upon the +colour scheme of the jockey's coats, +and mine on the romantic associations +of the animals' names. In the end we +compromised on a horse called Grand +Parade.</p> + +<p>Next, equally momentous, we selected +a bookmaker who was to oblige us by +opposing our fancy at the most advantageous +rate. I was in favour of picking +a man whose abundance of chin and +paunch would, should he default, prevent +his attaining more than four miles +an hour on the flat. I had already discovered +one that answered this description. +He was soliciting clients in a +voice that made one think a vulture +might be rending his liver. Selina, who +pretends to read character from faces, +declared his eyes were too close together +for those of an honest man. She had +singled out a more suitable individual, +and she indicated to me a slender +gentlemanly man dressed in a grey +frock-coat with a tall hat of the same +colour just pathetically beginning to +grow shabby. He also invited custom, +but in a refined, almost confidential +tone which, in comparison with the braying +of his rival, resembled the cooing +of a dove. His features, which to me +denoted weakness of character, Selina +asserted to be those of an honourable +man struggling with adversity. It was +to support an ailing wife, she felt sure, +that he toiled at his uncongenial vocation. +I should have liked to explain, +though I knew it was useless, that our +object in dealing with him was not to +contribute to the support of his wife; +that our success, indeed, might mean +that the unhappy lady would be deprived +for many a week to come of +those little delicacies that are essential +to the comfort of an invalid.</p> + +<p>Against my better judgment I gave +in and our little stake was deposited +in his hands. I almost felt inclined +to apologize for its smallness, but his +courtesy in accepting it rendered excuses +unnecessary. Nevertheless I +should have preferred, when taking up +a position to view the race, to have +chosen a spot from which we could +at the same time have kept an eye on +his gentlemanly tall hat. Selina however +poohpoohed the idea. We therefore +walked some little distance to a +point on the hill whence, some ten +minutes later, we had the satisfaction +of seeing Grand Parade gallop home a +winner.</p> + +<p>In the moment of triumph I had +almost forgotten my apprehensions as +to our bookmaker. Selina however +had not, for, as we caught sight of his +elegant grey-clad figure on our return, +she could not resist exclaiming, "See +how wrong your suspicions were."</p> + +<p>The crowd, set loose after the tension +of the race, impeded our progress, so +that by the time we reached him he was +alone. Apparently he had paid off all +the other winners, and we were the last +claimants to arrive.</p> + +<p>"Ah, I was waiting for you," he said +in his easy well-bred fashion. "You +will think it very strange, perhaps, but +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page436" id="page436"></a>[pg 436]</span> +for the moment I am unable to pay +you. Most absurd. My losses have +been rather more than I calculated, and +I have unfortunately disbursed all my +available cash. You need be under +no apprehension, however; if you will +kindly give me your address you shall +have a cheque by the first post to-morrow."</p> + +<p>I tried to recall what one did to +welshers. I seemed to remember that +one raised a hue-and-cry, that one +tarred and feathered them, and rode +them on a rail to a pond. I am, +however, constitutionally timid about +making my voice heard in public, and +I was as short of tar and feathers +as he was of ready cash. I had therefore +no alternative but to draw out my +pocket-case and present him with a +card.</p> + +<p>"Ah, thanks," he said, and with a +neat little silver pencil he scribbled on +the back a hieroglyph of some sort, +doubtless to jog his memory. Then he +wished me good-day with many apologies +and, politely taking off his hat to +Selina, sauntered leisurely in the direction +of the railway-station.</p> + +<p>I confess that this <i>contretemps</i> somewhat +dashed my spirits. Nor was my +chagrin lessened by observing, during +the remainder of the afternoon, my +corpulent friend, notwithstanding the +closeness of his eyes to each other, +paying off regularly, at the end of each +race, a host of customers with the greatest +good grace, enlivened by coarse +jocularities. I followed the rest of the +sport with little zest, and my cup of +enjoyment was not filled to overflowing +when, possessing first-class return +tickets, we had to stand, Selina as well +as myself, in a crowded third-class +smoker.</p> + +<p>Selina however preserved both her +spirits and her confidence. Bookmakers, +she had heard, were, as a class, +most honourable. Their losses could +not be recovered by law, but they regarded +them as debts of honour. There +were exceptions, of course, but the +gentleman in grey was not one of them. +Something told her so. I should see +that she was right.</p> + +<p>At breakfast next morning we scanned +our post for a letter in an unfamiliar +handwriting. There was none.</p> + +<p>"It was really rather early to expect +one," said Selina.</p> + +<p>On the following morning, however, +amongst others there lay a letter in a +strange writing, addressed moreover in +precisely the same style as the description +of me on my visiting card.</p> + +<p>"What did I tell you?" said Selina.</p> + +<p>"Well?" she asked, as I tore open +the envelope and read the letter.</p> + +<p>"This must be some mistake," I said. +"It is a demand from the railway for a +first-class fare from Epsom to London. +They state that I was detected travelling +without a ticket. Ridiculous. I +shall pay no attention to it."</p> + +<p>In the evening, however, as I started +home from the City, I thought better. +It would save trouble if I looked in at +London Bridge.</p> + +<p>"You have come to pay?" said the +chief clerk, as I showed him the note.</p> + +<p>"Indeed I have not," said I. "On +the contrary the Company should refund +me the difference between first +and third-class fare."</p> + +<p>"Do you deny, then, that you travelled +back from Epsom without a +ticket?"</p> + +<p>"Indeed I do."</p> + +<p>"You will not deny, perhaps, that +this is the card you handed the inspector +with a promise to pay?"</p> + +<p>I took the proffered card. I could +not deny it, for the card was mine. I +turned it over. There, faintly legible +on the back in pencil, was the hieroglyph +that the bookie had scrawled +on it.</p> + +<p>I explained to the clerk. I also explained +to Selina when I got home. +She, however, sticks to her original +contention. She was not deceived. +Fundamentally the man was honest. +Only the expenses of his wife's long +illness had caused him to deviate from +the path of probity.</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>METHODIC MADNESS.</h3> + +<h4>(<i>By our Medical Correspondent.</i>)</h4> + +<p>The newspapers have recently devoted +a certain amount of space to the +American millionaire who, while confined +in a psychopathic ward of a private +lunatic asylum, by his clever financial +manipulations added in the course +of six weeks five hundred thousand +pounds to a fortune "conservatively +estimated at three million pounds." +In spite of this achievement the misguided +millionaire pleaded earnestly for +his release. But the verdict of the +New York Sheriffs' Court was adverse. +The expert "alienists" admitted that +he possessed an extraordinary memory +and undoubted genius, but held that he +was none the less insane. Accordingly +he is to remain in the psychopathic +ward to which he was consigned "at +the request of his aged mother." A +simple sum in addition establishes the +fact that, if the patient maintains his +present average, he will considerably +more than double his fortune in a year. +Yet none of the newspaper commentators +have realised the tremendous +possibilities underlying this achievement.</p> + +<p>We are threatened with national insolvency, +and here is an infallible remedy +ready to hand. Lord <span class="sc">Fisher's</span> panacea +for our discontents was to "sack the +lot"—to dismiss all our rulers and administrators. +But he had only a glimmering +of the truth. Our cry should +rather be, "Lock up the lot." Experience +has taught us that if complete +latitude is given to eccentrics and incompetents, +if, in the words of Professor +<span class="sc">Soddy</span>, F.R.S., the destinies of the country +are entrusted to people of archaic +mental outlook, the result is bound to +be disastrous and chaotic. But if you +treat them as lunatics, there is a strong +presumption of their mending their +ways and proving valuable factors in +the economic reconstruction of the +Empire and the world.</p> + +<p>Grave evils call for drastic treatment, +and in view of the hectic condition +of the Stock Exchange and the +"vicious circle" round which industrialism +is now unhappily revolving I +cannot but think that the temporary +seclusion of the Ministry in a psychopathic +ward might be fraught with +economic consequences of the utmost +importance. Even if they were only +able to reduce our indebtedness at the +same rate as that attained by the American +millionaire, their combined efforts +would represent a magnificent total.</p> + +<p>Perhaps it would be wiser to proceed +tentatively and not commit ourselves +for more than six weeks to start with. +It is just conceivable that the treatment +might stimulate extravagance instead +of economy. Financial thrombosis is +not unknown as one of the obscurer +forms of megalomania. Still, as I have +said, the experiment is worth making.</p> + +<p>In other spheres of activity the results +achieved are most encouraging. For +example, an extremely <i>outré</i> Cubist who +was recently consigned to a psychopathic +ward at the instigation of his grandmother, +developed a remarkable talent +for painting in the manner of <span class="sc">Marcus +Stone</span>; while a neo-Georgian composer +under similar treatment has produced a +series of <i>études</i> indistinguishable from +the pianoforte music of <span class="sc">Sterndale +Bennett</span>, though he had previously far +outstripped the most unbridled and +exacerbated aberrations of <span class="sc">Scriabine</span> in +his latest phase.</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>Commercial Candour.</h3> + + +<h3>"YE OLDE TEA HOUSE</h3> + +<p class="center">(Opposite the Church).</p> + +<h4><span class="sc">Home-Made Cakes. Antiques.</span>"</h4> + +<p class="author1"><i>Local Paper.</i></p> + + +<hr /> + +<h3>"TO BE SURE.</h3> + +<blockquote class="note" style="margin-left: 25%"><p> +'Why do you call that performing poodle +Sidius?'</p> + +<p>'He's a dog star, ain't he now?'"</p></blockquote> + +<p class="author1"><i>Canadian Paper.</i> +</p> + +<p class="ind">Still we don't see it.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page437" id="page437"></a>[pg 437]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + + +<h3>THE PROVISION MERCHANT.</h3> + +<table align="center" width="600" summary="cartoon" border="0"> +<tr> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-a-1-200.png" width="200" height="178" alt="Can we supply you with a car, Sir? Certainly." border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">"Can we supply you with a car, Sir? Certainly.</span></td> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-a-2-200.png" width="200" height="178" alt="This is our 1920 touring model--provisional, of course." border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">This is our 1920 touring model—provisional, of course.</span></td> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-a-3-200.png" width="200" height="178" alt="By the way, the body, you see, is only a provisional one." border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">By the way, the body, you see, is only a provisional one.</span></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-b-1-200.png" width="200" height="165" alt="The engine design is purely provisional, you'll understand--" border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">The engine design is purely provisional, you'll understand—</span></td> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-b-2-200.png" width="200" height="165" alt="and the horsepower is provisionally fixed at 12-78." border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">and the horsepower is provisionally fixed at 12-78.</span></td> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-b-3-200.png" width="200" height="165" alt="Delivery is in eighteen months--quite provisional, that is--" border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">Delivery is in eighteen months—quite provisional, that is—</span></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-c-1-200.png" width="200" height="151" alt="and the price we put provisionally at £1,200." border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">and the price we put provisionally at £1,200.</span></td> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-c-2-200.png" width="200" height="151" alt="We shall require, of course, a deposit of £600 before we can provisionally accept the order." border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">We shall require, of course, a deposit of £600 before we can provisionally accept the order.</span></td> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-c-3-200.png" width="200" height="151" alt="I may add that a guarantee goes with each car--provisional, naturally--" border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">I may add that a guarantee goes with each car—provisional, naturally—</span></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-d-1-200.png" width="200" height="165" alt="and we will provisionally undertake to inform you of any provisional alterations--" border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">and we will provisionally undertake to inform you of any provisional alterations—</span></td> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-d-2-200.png" width="200" height="165" alt="that we may make in our provisional designs if you apply to our provisional works--" border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">that we may make in our provisional designs if you apply to our provisional works—</span></td> + <td class="pics"><a href="images/437-1500.png"><img src="images/437-d-3-200.png" width="200" height="165" alt="--provided----No, Sir, I cannot tell you where you can hire a push-bike!!!" border="0" /></a><br /> + <span class="sc">—provided——No, Sir, I cannot tell you where you can hire a push-bike!!!"</span></td> +</tr> +</table> + +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page438" id="page438"></a>[pg 438]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>AT THE PLAY.</h3> + +<h4>"<span class="sc">The Mystery of the Yellow Room.</span>"</h4> + +<p>Gentlemen of the Press having been +tactfully requested not to give away +this awesome mystery, I am barred by +the fastidious sense of honour which +distinguishes our profession from spoiling +your pleasure in this matter—a +course which otherwise I should naturally +have preferred.</p> + +<p>Not that I have any too clear idea of +what it was all about or why an innocent +gentleman should be apparently +going to be guillotined for it. For there +was no question of anyone having been +murdered, the only tangible crime before +the Court that I could see being +the abstraction of some scientific papers. +However don't imagine that this vagueness +will deprive you of the pleasures of +shock. Only don't go thinking about +it. Remember <i>Rosamund</i> and her Purple +Jar.</p> + +<p>I think I am free to tell you that a +young journalist possessing (characteristically) +"fantastic humour and exuberant +gaiety," a famous amateur detective +to boot, outwits all the official +police, robs the law of its prey and +finds a long-lost mother for himself.</p> + +<p>If this doesn't excite you sufficiently +you can extract fun from subsidiary details. +It is always diverting to the unspoilt +soul when the principal lady goes +to turn up one lamp and the other +promptly glows instead; or when, a +particularly obvious and commonplace +knock assaulting the ear, she exclaims +in tragic accents, "There's someone at +the door;" or when the detective drags +from the bottom of the lake a pair of +the driest of dry old boots.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px;"><a href="images/438-600.png"><img src="images/438-300.png" width="300" height="408" alt="'Father, I am a journalist; I cannot tell a lie. You did it!'" /></a> +<p><i>Joseph Rouletabille</i> (Mr. <span class="sc">Arthur Pusey</span>) to +<i>Frederic Larsan</i> (Mr. <span class="sc">Franklin Dyall</span>). +"<span class="sc">Father, I am a journalist; I cannot +tell a lie. You did it!</span>"</p></div> + +<p>Or, if you are superior to this kind of +thing, you can amuse yourself by deducing +from the practice before you the +famous <i>Rules for Revolvers</i>, which, <i>mutatis +mutandis</i>, are as old as the Aristotelian +unities and, for all I (or, probably, +you) know to the contrary, were +laid down at the same time by the same +hand.</p> + +<p class="textind"><i>Rule 1.</i> "All Innocent Characters expecting +murderous assault from Particularly +Desperate Villains will provide +themselves with revolvers. Before retiring +for the tragic night they will, +grasping the revolver firmly in the right +hand, place it carefully (as Professor +<span class="sc">Leacock</span> would direct) on the revolver-stand. +The P.D.V. will then know +what to do about it. (<i>Note</i>: P.D.V.'s do +not carry revolvers. They don't need to.)</p> + +<p class="textind"><i>Rule 2.</i> "I.C.'s actually attacking +P.D.V.'s will on no account fire, but, advancing +stealthily, will offer their pistol-wrist +to the enemy, who will at once +lock it in a deathly grip. After a brief +struggle, swaying this way and that, +the P.D.V. will, on the word 'Four,' +put on another beard and have the I.C. +thrown into prison." And so forth.</p> + +<p>I have no serious fault to find with +these tactics. On the contrary. But +I rather think that in the first Act an +incident was introduced (no doubt in +the spirit of the little girl's explanation +<i>à propos</i> of her riddle, "That was just +put in to make it more difficult"), which +was not quite cricket as it is played +by the best people in these stage +shockers.</p> + +<p>But I am on dangerous grounds. Let +me say that Mr. <span class="sc">Hannaford Bennett</span> +has been distinctly ingenious in his +adaptation from M. <span class="sc"><ins title="Transcriber's Note: original read 'Gaston's'">Gaston</ins> Leroux's</span> +hectic feuilleton; that Miss <span class="sc">Sybil Thorndike</span> +put in a much finer quality of +work than is usually supplied with this +kind of heroine; that Miss <span class="sc">Daisy Markham</span> +as her friend played very gaily and +prettily as long as the situation allowed +it, and that Messrs. <span class="sc">Franklin Dyall, +Lewis Casson, Nicholas Hannen, +Arthur Pusey, Major Jones, Colston +Mansell</span> and the Prompter all did +notable work.</p> + +<p class="author">T.</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>Our Erudite Contemporaries.</h3> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +"No doubt the inhabitants of the seaside +resorts are duly grateful as they turn their +faces to the trippers and the sun. Like Niobe, +they are all smiles."—<i>Provincial Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +"It certainly was a heavy swell, but the +good ship 'Onward' had, so to speak, got its +sea legs, and so had the party aboard; and +although we rolled, it was a long steady roll +which in time became almost most enjoyable."</p> +</blockquote> +<p class="author1"><i>Isle of Man Weekly Times.</i> +</p> + +<p class="ind2">It is on occasions like these that the +Manxman finds his third leg so useful.</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>CUTCHERY CATS.</h3> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +[In order to check the depredations of +mice and rats the Government of India have +directed the maintenance of cats in every +public office ("Cutchery"). Rations do not +err on the side of over-abundance, and the +cats in consequence are not always the most +favourable specimens.] +</p></blockquote> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>What time five notes on the cutchery gong</p> +<p class="i2">The aged orderly rings,</p> +<p>And he who calleth the waiting throng</p> +<p class="i2">Striketh his work and sings,</p> +<p>There cometh a man with broken meats,</p> +<p>Cheerily calling, and him there greets</p> +<p>With wailing of souls that are tried too long,</p> +<p class="i2">A bevy of Fearsome Things.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>Ribbed as railings and lank as rods,</p> +<p class="i2">Stark as the toddy trees,</p> +<p>Swarming as when from the bursting pods</p> +<p class="i2">Scatter the ripened peas,</p> +<p>Flaming pupil and naked claw,</p> +<p>Gaunt and desolate, maimed and raw,</p> +<p>Cats by courtesy, but, ye gods!</p> +<p class="i2">Never were cats like these.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>Nay, of a verity these be souls</p> +<p class="i2">Such as in life were vile,</p> +<p>Risen again from the nethermost coals</p> +<p class="i2">To harry the earth a while;</p> +<p>Versed in wickedness, old in sin,</p> +<p>Never was hell could hold them in,</p> +<p>And back they hasten in droves and shoals</p> +<p class="i2">To desecrate and defile.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>Here where the shadow of Ancient Lies</p> +<p class="i2">Falleth athwart the room,</p> +<p>Where the Angel of Evil Counsel plies</p> +<p class="i2">His chariot through the gloom,</p> +<p>Where the Lost Endeavours and Faded Hopes</p> +<p>Cluster like fruit in the mango-topes,</p> +<p>Here is the perfectest paradise</p> +<p class="i2">For the damned to work their doom.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>And swear will I by the Cloven Hoof</p> +<p class="i2">And the name of the Manichees,</p> +<p>By the hair that riseth despite reproof</p> +<p class="i2">And the rebel veins that freeze,</p> +<p>That at night, when the graves give up their dead</p> +<p>And the thunder belloweth overhead,</p> +<p>You would not get me under this roof</p> +<p class="i2">For a lakh of the best rupees!</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p> * * * * * +</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>The Magistrate's risen and eke the Sub,</p> +<p class="i2">And bicycles homeward spin;</p> +<p>The clerks depart with a shrill hubbub</p> +<p class="i2">And the snores of the guard begin;</p> +<p>Ah, lock ye the strong-room sure and fast,</p> +<p>For the night draws down and the day is past;</p> +<p>Masters, I will away to the Club,</p> +<p class="i2">For the hour of the cats is in.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p class="i28">H. B.</p> + </div> </div> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page439" id="page439"></a>[pg 439]</span> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/439-1200.png"><img src="images/439-600.png" width="600" height="411" alt="Batsman. 'I don't want none of your under'ands. Bowl another an' I takes the bat 'ome--see?'" /></a> +<p><i>Batsman.</i> "<span class="sc">I don't want none of your under'ands. Bowl +another an' I takes the bat 'ome—see?</span>"</p></div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.</h3> + +<h4>(<i>By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks.</i>)</h4> + +<p>Although <i>Madeline of the Desert</i> (<span class="sc">Unwin</span>) is published in +the First Novel series, it by no means follows that Mr. +<span class="sc">Arthur Weigall</span> can be considered a beginner in authorship, +his various activities already including some volumes +on Egyptology that have made for him a wide circle of +appreciative readers. You will therefore be correct in +guessing that the Desert of the title is Egyptian; also that +the story is one in which the setting and the local colour +are treated with expert knowledge and an infectious +enthusiasm. Of <i>Madeline</i> herself I should say at once +that nothing in her life, as shown here, became her like +the beginning of it. Her entrance into the tale, arriving +out of the desert to consult the recluse, <i>Father Gregory</i>, +whose nephew she afterwards marries, does very strikingly +achieve an effect of personality. <i>Madeline</i> was a product +of Port Said and, when we first meet her, an adventuress +of international reputation, or lack of it. Then <i>Robin</i> +rescues, marries and educates her. It was the last process +that started the trouble. <i>Madeline</i> took to education +more readily than a duck to water; and the worst of it +was that she was by no means willing to keep the results +and her conclusions therefrom to herself; indeed she developed +the lecturing habit to an extent that almost (but not +quite) ruined her charm. Mr. <span class="sc">Weigall</span> is so obviously +sincere in all this that, though I cannot exonerate him from +a charge of using <i>Madeline</i> as the mouthpiece of his own +sociological and religious views, I must acknowledge his +good intentions, while deploring what seems to me an +artistic error. But, all said, the book is very far from being +ordinary; its quality in the portrayal both of place and +character is of the richest promise for future stories, in +which I hope the author will give us more pictures of the +land he understands so well.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>I certainly admit that the publishers of <i>The Strangeness +of Noel Carton</i> (<span class="sc">Jenkins</span>) have every justification for +speaking of it as "a new note in a novel." Indeed that +clever writer, Mr. <span class="sc">William Caine</span>, has here sounded as new, +original and (for all its surface humour) horrible a note as +any I have heard in fiction for some time. My trouble is +that I can hardly indicate it without giving away the whole +business. Very briefly the tale is of one <i>Noel Carton</i>, who +has married beneath him for not quite enough money to +gild a detestable union, and, being an unstable egoist and +waster, presently seeks consolation (and pocket money) by +writing a novel founded in part on his own position. One +may note in passing that Mr. <span class="sc">Caine</span> seems to have but a +modest idea of the mental equipment required for such a +task. Still I suppose he knows, and anyway that isn't the +point. The point is that, once <i>Noel</i> has got himself properly +projected into his novel, all sorts of the queerest and most +bogie coincidences begin to occur. Again to quote the puff +preliminary, "as the book develops the reader has a suspicion +which becomes almost a certainty, until the great +and astounding climax is reached;" concerning which you +may justly remark that no reader with a certainty would +regard its verification as "astounding." But this takes +nothing from the craft with which, on looking back, you see +the climax to have been prepared. I could hardly call the +tale altogether pleasant, but it is undeniably new and +vastly original.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page440" id="page440"></a>[pg 440]</span> + +<hr /> + +<p>The good Sioux glories in his scalps, and Mr. <span class="sc">Isaac F. +Marcosson</span>, of Louisville, must surely be the Great Chief +of interviewers. Interviewing, he tells us, is, after all, only +a form of reporting, and so are history, poetry and romance. +What, he asks, were <span class="sc">Mommsen</span> and <span class="sc">Gibbon</span>, <span class="sc">Wordsworth</span> +and <span class="sc">Keats</span> but reporters, and I can only answer, What +indeed? To have been found worthy of tonsure by Mr. +<span class="sc">Marcosson</span> it is necessary to be very eminent, and to win +his highest praise it is essential also to be a good "imparter," +though he has a kind of sneaking admiration for the paleface +who insists on handing him a written statement and +declines to speak. Such a one was Sir <span class="sc">Edward Carson</span>. +Hanging to Mr. <span class="sc">Marcosson's</span> girdle are the <i>chevelures</i> of +Mr. <span class="sc">Lloyd George</span>, Lord <span class="sc">Haig</span>, Marshal <span class="sc">Foch</span>, Sir +<span class="sc">James +Barrie</span> and Mr. <span class="sc">Roosevelt</span>, to name no more. Naturally +<i>Adventures in Interviewing</i> (<span class="sc">Lane</span>) is full of side-lights on +the recent war. How could it be otherwise when so many +celebrated brains are laid bare? One quotation I cannot +refrain from giving. +Speaking of Lord <span class="sc">Beaverbrook</span> +he says, "He +had come to London a +decade ago, to live 'the +life of a gentleman,' but +was drawn irresistibly +into politics." I challenge +our literature to +produce a more beautiful +"but."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>Miss <span class="sc">Edith Dart</span> +has grouped against her +Dartmoor setting in +<i>Sareel</i> (<span class="sc">Philip Allan</span>) +just the characters to +act out the well-worn +story of the mutual infatuation +of a young +man of birth and an +ignorant country maid. +But though <i>Sareel</i>, the +little workhouse-reared +servant at the farm, +falls in love in the accepted +fashion with the +best-looking of the three +young men who lodge there on a reading tour, and +though he duly falls in love with her, the innocence of +her soul keeps their passion on the highest plane. What +is more, when <i>Alan</i>, as such young gentlemen in fiction +generally do, changes his mind Miss <span class="sc">Dart</span> provides a +happy ending, without even a suicide to spoil it, and without +inconsistency either in her own point of view or in +that of her characters. I don't really believe that Devonshire +people say that they like things "brave and well" +quite as often as Miss <span class="sc">Dart</span> makes hers, and I wish she +had not so great a fondness for the word "such" that she +must invent phrases as weird as "though he had not sought +such" in order to bring it in; but apart from these trifles +<i>Sareel</i>, as something like a feminine version of a book by +Mr. <span class="sc">Eden Phillpotts</span> arranged for family reading, will +certainly please a great many people.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>If you would like to see a white lady ride on a white +horse to Banbury Cross and elsewhere with a body-guard +of men in tin hats, carrying <i>The Banner</i> (<span class="sc">Collins</span>) and +proclaiming +the League of Youth (against war and other evils) +and forcible retirement from all offices of profit or power +under the Crown at the age of forty, get Mr. <span class="sc">Hugh F. +Spender's</span> new and, as it seems to me, rather ingenuous +novel. Love is not neglected, for a peer's son, deaf and +dumb through shell-shock, so responds to the counter-irritant +of seeing this modern <span class="sc">Joan</span> riding through Piccadilly +that he recovers both speech and hearing and promptly +uses them to put her a leading question and understand +her version of "But this is so sudden. However——" There +is a people's army; a rose-water revolution with the +King accepting it as all in the day's dull work; a fight or +rather an arming of a few last-ditchers of the old order, +and much else that is not likely to happen outside Ruritania. +Also candid expression of the opinions of (I take it) the +"Wee Frees" concerning <i>Glamorgan Jones</i>.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>If Mr. <span class="sc">Alan Graham</span> does not unsettle my conviction that +it is easier to begin a story of hidden treasure than it is to +finish it, I can nevertheless promise you a good day with +the sleuth-hounds, should you decide to <i>Follow the Little +Pictures</i> (<span class="sc">Blackwood</span>). +For some not too lucid +reason I went to the +meet with a fear in my +heart that the command +in the title referred to +the "movies," and my +relief was great on discovering +that it was +taken from a cipher +containing the key to +the treasure. The scene +of this hunt is laid in +Scotland, and the most +notable figure among +its followers is a certain +<i>Laird Tanish</i>. The +pecuniary fortunes of +the <i>Tanish</i> clan were +at a low ebb, and in +his determination to +improve them by winning +the prize the <i>Laird</i> +broke all the rules of +the game and gave way +to terrific outbursts of +rage in the manner of +those explosive gentlemen +with whom Miss <span class="sc">Ethel Dell</span> has familiarised us. +There is both ingenuity and originality in this story, and I +should be doing the author and his readers a great disservice +if I disclosed the details of the plot. Anyone with a bent +for treasure-hunting will be missing a fine opportunity if he +refuses to have a day (or a night) with Mr. <span class="sc">Graham's</span> hounds.</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a href="images/440-1000.png"><img src="images/440-600.png" width="600" height="468" alt="Mistress. 'Norah, do you ever repeat anything you hear...?' Domestic. 'The Saints forbid, Mum!'" /></a> +<p><i>Mistress.</i> "<span class="sc">Norah, do you ever repeat anything you hear +the master and myself say to each other when we have a slight difference of opinion?</span>"</p> + +<p><i>Domestic.</i> "<span class="sc">The Saints forbid, Mum!</span>"</p></div> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h3>A Sympathetic Auditor.</h3> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +"Dr. R. C. Ghostley, of Edmonton, was in the city last week and +attended Sir Oliver Lodge's lecture."—<i>Canadian Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +"W. W. ——, the Rugby International forward, won his third +success in four days at Chesham Oddfellows' and Foresters' sports +yesterday, when he took first prize in the 10 yards open event, with +7½ yards start, in <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original read '9 2-5 sec.'">9<span style="font-size: 0.7em;"><sup> 2</sup></span>⁄<span style="font-size: 0.6em;">5</span> sec.</ins>"—<i>Daily Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<p class="ind2">His strong point, we gather, is not speed but staying-power.</p> + +<hr class="medium" /> + +<h4><i>À propos</i> of the <span class="sc">De Keyser</span> case:—</h4> + +<blockquote class="note"><p> +"Unfortunately, the Dora regulations against free speech and +printing were never taken before the High Court, and our ancestors +will wonder at our timidity."—<i>Daily Herald.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<p class="ind2">We understand that Sir <span class="sc">A. Conan Doyle</span> has already +received several urgent messages on the subject.</p> +<hr class="full" /> + +<br /><br /><br /><br /> + +<table align="center" summary="note" style="margin-top: 5em;"> +<tr><td class="note"> +<h4>Transcriber's Note:</h4> + +<p>Corrections are indicated, in the text, by a dotted line underneath the correction.</p> +<p style="margin-top:-1em;">Scroll the mouse over the word and the original text will <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'apprear'">appear</ins>.</p> + +<h4>Summary of Corrections:</h4> +<p>p. 438: Removed extraneous "'s" from "GASTON'S" ... + [M. GASTON LEROUX'S]</p> + +<p>p. 440: Changed "9 2-5" to "9<span style="font-size: 0.7em;"><sup> 2</sup></span>⁄<span style="font-size: 0.6em;">5</span>" ... + [in 9<span style="font-size: 0.7em;"><sup> 2</sup></span>⁄<span style="font-size: 0.6em;">5</span> sec."--_Daily Paper_.]</p> + + + +</td></tr></table> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume +158, June 2, 1920, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + +***** This file should be named 31071-h.htm or 31071-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/0/7/31071/ + +Produced by Lesley Halamek, Jonathan Ingram and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +http://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at http://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit http://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. +To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + + +</pre> + +</body> +</html> diff --git a/31071-h/images/421-300.png b/31071-h/images/421-300.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b71cb47 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/421-300.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/421-800.png b/31071-h/images/421-800.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..31b87cc --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/421-800.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/423-1500.png b/31071-h/images/423-1500.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..bb2da29 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/423-1500.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/423-380.png b/31071-h/images/423-380.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9c77fcf --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/423-380.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/424-1500.png b/31071-h/images/424-1500.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1f48ac0 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/424-1500.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/424-600.png b/31071-h/images/424-600.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..60d4847 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/424-600.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/425-1000.png b/31071-h/images/425-1000.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..ceb47cd --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/425-1000.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/425-300.png b/31071-h/images/425-300.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..215adb4 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/425-300.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/427-1500.png b/31071-h/images/427-1500.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..29c5734 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/427-1500.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/427-370.png b/31071-h/images/427-370.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..832dd14 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/427-370.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/428-1000.png b/31071-h/images/428-1000.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..955995b --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/428-1000.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/428-500.png b/31071-h/images/428-500.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e7372b8 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/428-500.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/429-1500.png b/31071-h/images/429-1500.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b02bd1b --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/429-1500.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/429-600.png b/31071-h/images/429-600.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..381004f --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/429-600.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/430-1500.png b/31071-h/images/430-1500.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2b9cff4 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/430-1500.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/430-600.png b/31071-h/images/430-600.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a25b1cc --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/430-600.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/431-1500.png b/31071-h/images/431-1500.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8e5288d --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/431-1500.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/431-370.png b/31071-h/images/431-370.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2232435 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/431-370.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/433-1500.png b/31071-h/images/433-1500.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..bfe0eb3 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/433-1500.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/433-600.png b/31071-h/images/433-600.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..ff31d2f --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/433-600.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/434-1500.png b/31071-h/images/434-1500.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..44ae5bd --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/434-1500.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/434-600.png b/31071-h/images/434-600.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..4d52095 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/434-600.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/435-1000.png b/31071-h/images/435-1000.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e36856a --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/435-1000.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/435-370.png b/31071-h/images/435-370.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..80b2cc6 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/435-370.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-1500.png b/31071-h/images/437-1500.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..4b4ff67 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-1500.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-a-1-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-a-1-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..cfc644e --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-a-1-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-a-2-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-a-2-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2644cd1 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-a-2-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-a-3-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-a-3-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e550f2f --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-a-3-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-b-1-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-b-1-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a46a4ee --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-b-1-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-b-2-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-b-2-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..26e565b --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-b-2-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-b-3-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-b-3-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..3aefc24 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-b-3-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-c-1-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-c-1-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f1cc5d3 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-c-1-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-c-2-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-c-2-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..cdb7536 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-c-2-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-c-3-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-c-3-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..ae3aab4 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-c-3-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-d-1-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-d-1-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8b42a70 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-d-1-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-d-2-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-d-2-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..978e7f9 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-d-2-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/437-d-3-200.png b/31071-h/images/437-d-3-200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1184ced --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/437-d-3-200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/438-300.png b/31071-h/images/438-300.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..56e0218 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/438-300.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/438-600.png b/31071-h/images/438-600.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a6777bb --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/438-600.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/439-1200.png b/31071-h/images/439-1200.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8567540 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/439-1200.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/439-600.png b/31071-h/images/439-600.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f6913d1 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/439-600.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/440-1000.png b/31071-h/images/440-1000.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..98de9f2 --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/440-1000.png diff --git a/31071-h/images/440-600.png b/31071-h/images/440-600.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a682d3d --- /dev/null +++ b/31071-h/images/440-600.png |
