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diff --git a/29596-h/29596-h.htm b/29596-h/29596-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ce2faff --- /dev/null +++ b/29596-h/29596-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3393 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Funny Big Socks, by "Aunt Fanny's" Daughter. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p {margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + text-indent: 1.25em; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + img {border: 0;} + .tnote {border: dashed 1px; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; + padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em;} + ins {text-decoration:none; border-bottom: thin dotted gray;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + .copyright {text-align: center; font-size: 70%;} + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%; text-align: justify;} + + .bbox {border: solid 2px; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; + padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em;} + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + .caption {font-weight: bold; font-size: 70%;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: + 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .figright {float: right; clear: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; + margin-top: 1em; margin-right: 0; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .unindent {margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + .right {text-align: right;} + .poem {margin-left: 30%; margin-right: 10%; text-align: left;} + .poem2 {margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 10%; text-align: left;} + .sig {margin-right: 10%; text-align: right;} + + .footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + .fnanchor {vertical-align:baseline; + position: relative; + bottom: 0.33em; + font-size: .8em; + text-decoration: none;} + .hang1 {text-indent: -3em; margin-left: 3em;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Funny Big Socks, by Sarah L. Barrow + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Funny Big Socks + Being the Fifth Book of the Series + +Author: Sarah L. Barrow + +Release Date: August 3, 2009 [EBook #29596] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUNNY BIG SOCKS *** + + + + +Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 383px;"> +<img src="images/i001.jpg" width="383" height="400" alt="DR. MUMBUDGET'S DOOR-PLATE." title="" /> +<span class="caption">DR. MUMBUDGET'S DOOR-PLATE.</span> +</div> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<h3>THE SOCK STORIES,</h3> + +<h4>BY "AUNT FANNY'S" DAUGHTER.</h4> + +<h1>FUNNY BIG SOCKS:</h1> + + +<div class='center'><b>BEING</b></div> + +<h3>THE FIFTH BOOK OF THE SERIES.</h3> + +<div class='center'><b>BY</b></div> + +<h2>"AUNT FANNY'S" DAUGHTER,</h2> + +<div class='center'>THE AUTHOR OF "THE LITTLE WHITE ANGEL."<br /> +<br /> +<br /> +<br /> +<br /> + +NEW YORK:<br /> +LEAVITT & ALLEN, 21 & 23 MERCER ST.<br /> +1863.<br /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class='copyright'> +<span class="smcap">Entered</span>, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1862, by<br /> +<br /> +S. L. BARROW,<br /> +<br /> +In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the<br /> +Southern District of New York.<br /> +<br /> +JOHN F. TROW,<br /> +<span class="smcap">Printer, Stereotyper, and Electrotyper,</span><br /> +50 Greene Street, New York.<br /> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class='center'> +<small>TO</small><br /> +<br /> +<small>THAT GENIAL GOOD MAN</small><br /> +<br /> +AND PROFOUND PHILOSOPHER,<br /> +<br /> +<big>THE REV. DR. S. I. PRIME,</big><br /> +<br /> +<small>I DEDICATE THIS</small><br /> +<br /> +BOOK.<br /> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>CONTENTS OF VOL. V.</h2> + + + + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Contents"> +<tr><td align='left'> </td><td align='right'><small>PAGE</small></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>STORM STORIES</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_7">7</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE CABBAGES</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_42">42</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE GOLD STONE</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_75">75</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE PHILOSOPHERS' TOUR</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_108">108</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> + +<h2>STORM STORIES.</h2> + + +<h3>FIRST EVENING.</h3> + +<p><span class="smcap">How</span> it did rain, to be sure! Up +the long street, and down the long +street nothing was to be seen but large +mud puddles, while the gutter ran like +a little river, and gushed with a loud +sound into the sewer mouth.</p> + +<p>That was a rain indeed! but in +the warm rooms it was comfortable +enough. Books and pretty pictures +lined the walls on all sides but one, +where the large window was, the recess<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span> +filled with blooming flowers; they +smelt so sweetly!</p> + +<p>There, at a table that was covered +with a green cloth, sat a literary man. +His head was bowed upon his arms; +and when he raised his face, one saw +that he was so sad and pale! The +poor literary man was quite unhappy.</p> + +<p>If one could have crept into his +heart (like him who owned the "Galoshes +of Fortune"), one would have +seen that his thoughts ran, "Ah me! +how unhappy I am. I write books +about the good and the beautiful, but +nobody buys them; no one cares to +read of such things. If I could but +tell them a tale, now, something lively +or pathetic, like the poet Baggesen or +our own Hoffman, that they all like.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> +Nay, then, what a weary life it is!" +and he leaned back in his arm chair, +and closed his eyes.</p> + +<p>Suddenly, something came hissing +down the chimney into the stove. It +was two or three rain drops driven in +by the wind. Something else appeared +to have entered with them, for there +was a rustle and breeze in the chamber, +and then the literary man heard +a whisper quite close to his ear.</p> + +<p>"Thou silly fellow!" cried the +wind, for that it was, "to sit in thy +chamber with closed doors, waiting +for the story to come to thee! Nay, +then, what is there in thy books half +so clever or amusing as what one sees +in real life? Listen, now, and I will +tell thee what I saw one moonlight<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span> +night as I blew over this wide German +land."</p> + + +<h4>THE STORY OF THE WIND.</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">In</span> summer, all the world—of Leipsic—goes +out of town, to Baden or +Ems. Those who can afford it run +over the Alps, to sunny Italy; but in +winter—ah! then it is very different!</p> + +<p>One is glad enough, then, to remain +at home by the warm stove; or +if one goes out, one must be well +wrapped up in furs and cloaks.</p> + +<p>The little boys slide and skate on +the frozen river; the poorer folks go +about in sledges, and the rich in splendid +sleighs, with white fur robes and +capering horses, which have little +bells tied to their manes and tails.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span></p> + +<p>Just such a sleigh as this stood, one +bright moonlight night, before the door +of the Burgomaster Von Geirstein, in +the good town of Leipsic. The whole +family were going in a body out of +town, and now the hall door opened, +and forth came the fat and stupid +Burgomaster himself, with his fat and +silly wife on his arm, followed by their +pretty, blue-eyed daughter, Matilda, +and her lover, Walther Von Blumenwald, +a thriving young merchant. +Her brother, Max, came last, a merry, +good-natured young fellow, but who, +certainly, was not very wise.</p> + +<p>Max took the driver's place; the +others seated themselves within the +large sleigh, and tucked the warm fur +robes around them, and then, with a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> +crack of the whip, and a loud huzzah +from the young men, the sleigh glided +swiftly away.</p> + +<p>About five miles from the town, in +the midst of the forest, was a large inn +of the better sort, which had lately +become a favorite resort of the +wealthy who went sleighing in the +winter. Balls, even, were given there, +and there one got the most delicious +mulled wine and Westphalia hams, and +all sorts of ale, "Bremen," "Prysing," +"Emser ale," even "Brunswick Mumme." +To this hotel, then, our party +were bound.</p> + +<p>Merrily rang the bells, swiftly flew +the sleigh over the frozen snow, and +as they passed out at the city gates, the +whole party broke into a joyous glee:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span></p> + +<div class='poem'> +"Listen, listen, listen to the merry sleigh bells!<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How they jingle, jingle, ever blithe and ever clear,</span><br /> +With a tintinnabulation that so musically wells<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As it thrills, and it thrills upon the ear!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Every dancing little note</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Seems to gurgle from the throat</span><br /> +Of a bird, that in its happy song so eloquently tells<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 7em;">The joy it is to bound</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 7em;">O'er the cold and frozen ground,</span><br /> +To the ringing and the clinging of the bells!<br /> +<br /> +"Listen, listen, listen to the merry sleigh bells!<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How they jingle, jingle, as the horses dash along;</span><br /> +What a story of our gladness their enticing music tells<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As it chimes and it rhymes with the song!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Such a rollicking delight</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Bubbles out upon the night</span><br /> +As their joy-creating burthen over hill and valley swells.<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Every voice must join the tune</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 7em;">As we skim beneath the moon</span><br /> +To the tinkling and the twinkling of the bells!"<br /> +</div> + +<p>The sleigh had now turned out of +the high road, and entered the forest.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span> +For some time the way lay plain before +them, but at length came a fork, +where two roads met.</p> + +<p>"Now, then," exclaimed Max, +"which way? Blumenwald, thou +hast been to Olè's before—must I take +the right hand or the left?"</p> + +<p>"Upon my word, I have forgotten!" +exclaimed Walther. "It was +a dark night when I drove out with +my cousins; but, it appears to me, +upon the whole, that we took the +right hand road."</p> + +<p>"Well, we can only try," said +Max; "at least, if we don't get to +Olè's, we shall have had a merry sleigh +ride."</p> + +<p>He shook the reins, and the impatient +horses darted off; but, my stars!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span> +they had taken the wrong road! +Deeper grew the wood; the roughness +of the path momentarily increased; +the trees became so thick that the +moonlight no longer penetrated them, +and Max at length stopped his horses +once more, and gazed around him in +bewilderment.</p> + +<p>"Potstausend!" exclaimed the +Burgomaster; "where has the boy +taken us? I tell you what, mein sonne, +thou hadst best turn back, for we +shall never get to Olè's to-night."</p> + +<p>"And thy sister will take her death +of cold!" cried the Frau Von Geirstein, +while Walther looked anxiously +at the fair Matilda, who only smiled +up at him, and drew her fur-lined +hood more closely about her face.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span></p> + +<p>Just as they were about to turn +back, they heard a sound of sleigh-bells +behind, and presently a small +sleigh approached them, drawn by a +spirited horse.</p> + +<p>Max, without more ado, hailed the +stranger, and begged him to set them, +if he could, on the road to Olè's.</p> + +<p>The new comer bowed courteously +to the ladies, and replied, "I shall be +most happy to direct you thither, my +respectable friends. In short, then, +you follow the road before you for a +time, then turn to your right; next, +pursue your way in a southeast direction +for a mile; next, turn toward the +northwest, and then——"</p> + +<p>"What, sir!" interrupted Max, +"do you suppose we can go to all<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span> +points of the compass at once? What +do you mean by your northwest and +southeast?"</p> + +<p>"Potstausend! is the fellow making +fun of us?" exclaimed the Burgomaster.</p> + +<p>"Surely the Herr Von Geirstein +cannot suppose I would be guilty of +so great an impertinence!" exclaimed +the stranger. "It is true, the road is +somewhat obscure; may I not also +have the pleasure of driving you to +Olè's?"</p> + +<p>"We thank you—you are most +kind," replied the mollified Burgomaster, +who never doubted for a moment +that his vast importance caused him +to be known to all the world; "but +what will become of your sledge?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't fear for the sledge—that +can remain here among the underwood; +and my horse can be attached +in front of yours."</p> + +<p>This arrangement was soon effected, +and the stranger, who was so +muffled up in fur cap and coat, that +scarcely a feature could be distinguished, +mounted beside Max, and +seized the reins.</p> + +<p>Donnerwetter! how he shouted at +the horses! cracking his whip, and +calling them all manner of strange +names. "Now, then, pig with a +wooden head! Get along with you, +toad of serpents! To the mischief with +the whole team!" till the foam flew +on all sides, the iron-clad heels of the +steeds rang like hammer upon anvil<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span> +on the frozen ground, and sparks +scintillated in the air!</p> + +<p>Meanwhile, however, the effect of +this rapid motion on the Burgomaster's +family was anything but exhilarating. +Now that the bustle of setting +out was at an end, they one and all +began to feel afraid of their strange +guide, and to think there was something +more than common in their adventure.</p> + +<p>"He's a very odd-looking man, +after all," whispered the Burgomaster's +wife; "how do we know what +sort of a fellow he is, and if he is taking +us to Olè's at all? I, for my part, +believe he's in league with some robber +band, and we shall all be murdered."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Potstausend! it looks very much +like it!" exclaimed the Burgomaster, +who, although so big a man, was +mighty chicken-hearted. "I wish +Max had not been so confoundedly +hasty in accepting his advice."</p> + +<p>"I beg thy pardon there, father-in-law," +returned Walther; "it was +thou who bade him come in."</p> + +<p>The Burgomaster was about to +make some peppery reply, when Max +suddenly broke upon the whispered +conversation by exclaiming:</p> + +<p>"Since you are so good, sir, as to +drive us, perhaps you will inform us +to whom we are obliged."</p> + +<p>But the stranger, who, before this, +had been the noisiest of the party, appeared<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> +to have become suddenly +dumb, for he answered not a word.</p> + +<p>"Come, sir," repeated Walther, +"tell us who you are."</p> + +<p>No answer.</p> + +<p>Max now half jumped from his +seat, exclaiming, "But we insist on +knowing, sir, and, furthermore, I +should like to know if you are taking +us to Olè's or not."</p> + +<p>The stranger turned at this, and +with a smile that displayed his glittering +teeth, replied:</p> + +<p>"My good people, I am taking +you just where you are destined to +go. As to my name, that is my affair. +Remember, your safety depends on +me; certainly, you had better not +provoke me, or——" here his speech<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span> +suddenly came to an end, and a fresh +series of yells followed to the excited +horses, which all this time were tearing +along as though a troop of fiends were +in pursuit.</p> + +<p>"It must be the Evil One himself!" +cried the Burgomaster, trembling in +every limb, while the ladies screamed +and clung together.</p> + +<p>"Not quite so bad as that, I hope," +said Walther, half laughing, yet excited, +and, to tell the truth, somewhat +alarmed also.</p> + +<p>"We are all fools if we allow this +thing to go on!" shouted Max, who +had suddenly recovered his spirits. +"Walther, thou wilt stand by me. +Give me the reins, sir, or hold them +longer at your peril!"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span></p> + +<p>As he spoke, he endeavored to +seize the reins, while Walther stood +up in the sleigh and grasped the whip.</p> + +<p>All at once the stranger let fall the +reins, and as they trailed on the +ground, he snatched the whip from +Walther's hand, gave a sudden leap +into the air, and vaulted on the back +of the near horse, where he sat at +ease, and drove postillion, without +their being able to help themselves.</p> + +<p>"Alas, we have no arms!" groaned +the Burgomaster; "we may as well +be resigned to our fate. Kiss me, my +children; you may never kiss your old +papa again!"</p> + +<p>On this, the whole quartette fell to +weeping, blowing their noses most +earnestly from time to time, when,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span> +just as their grief was at its height, +and they were fairly sobbing in each +other's arms, a sound of music broke +upon their ears! The next moment +lights gleamed through the trees, the +sleigh took a sharp turn, passed +through an open gate, and drew up +before the very door of—Olè's! For, +in reality, both roads led to the inn, +although one was much more intricate +and less frequented than the +other.</p> + +<p>The Von Geirsteins were for a moment +too much astounded to speak. +Then the mysterious driver, swinging +himself lightly off his horse, and doffing +his fur cap, showing them a face +not only handsome, but perfectly familiar +to them, exclaimed:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You see, my dear friends, that it +was neither a bandit nor His Satanic +Majesty who drove you by the nearest +road to a robber's castle or the lower +regions, but your very good neighbor, +Fritz Von Eisenfeldt, who has had at +once the pleasure and amusement of +taking you safe and sound to Olè's, +after all!"</p> + +<p>As the wind uttered these last +words, it whisked up the chimney and +disappeared. The literary man sat +upright in his chair with a sudden +start, and opened his eyes wide.</p> + +<p>"Good heavens!" he cried, "have +I been dreaming, or has the wind +really related the tale?" He could +not at all tell this, but he remembered +every word of the story, and wrote it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span> +on—yes! this very piece of paper, +where you now read it!</p> + + +<h3>SECOND EVENING.</h3> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> following evening the literary +man could not but think of the advice +of the wind. He went to the window, +and looked out on the street, to see if +there might not be a story there.</p> + +<p>The houses opposite were as handsome +as on this side of the way, and +exactly like them; the gas lamps +burned brilliantly, and everything appeared +as genteel and stupid as could +possibly be conceived. "There's not a +story to be met with in this part of the +town," thought the literary man. "I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span> +must go out, and see if I can find one +elsewhere."</p> + +<p>The snow flakes were rapidly falling +from the sky, but the literary man +wrapped his warm cloak around him, +and went bravely out. It is not every +one who has courage to go out in the +snow! that is, the snow at Friedrichshafen. +It is sure to be so wet and +cold, with large bits of icy hail among +it, covering the ground with a slippery +compound, that one cannot step upon +without danger of falling.</p> + +<p>However, out he went, and slipped +and scrambled along the pavement. +Kribbedy, krabbledy, plump! down +he sat on a neighbor's doorstep; not +without exclaiming, "Potstausend!"</p> + +<p>As he sat there with a rueful countenance,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> +the thought passed through +his mind, "If, now, the wind would but +give me the least idea how to begin, I +might compose a tale while I wait for +a hackney coach, for walk I won't!" +and he looked up and down the street, +but no coach came in sight.</p> + +<p>All at once it was as though a +merry voice whispered in his ear—yes, +the literary man felt sure that the +snow said to him "S-o-o! my good +friend, the wind has sent thee to me! +Fie upon thee, that thou canst not +compose a tale without help, for all +thy learning! Well, pay attention, +and I will tell thee some of the frolics +of my merry cousin, the Frost. Now, +listen."</p> + +<p>And the literary man listened with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> +all his ears, and quite forgot that he +was looking for a hackney coach, and +that he was sitting on the steps of his +neighbor, the Herr Hartman.</p> + + +<h4>THE STORY OF THE SNOW, ABOUT CAPTAIN JACK.</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> children were hurrying homeward +on a cold winter's evening, from +the forest, where they had been binding +fagots. As they scampered along, +some one seized upon them from behind +and nipped their ears sharply. +"Fie, ugly Captain Jack!" cried they; +"so thou art at work again! one may +easily see that!" and they would have +pursued their spiteful enemy; but he +was already gone, and they were now +obliged to hasten onward.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span></p> + +<p>Captain Jack had slipped back to +the forest, and thrown himself stealthily +on the ground, laughing to see +their discomfiture. The moon shone +on the spot where he lay, and then all +the dried grass appeared white and +sparkling, as though it were covered +with glistening spray. At one moment +one saw him lying gazing at one with +laughing eyes; the next, it seemed as +though only the hoar dew rested +there, and glittered in the moonlight.</p> + +<p>"Bur-r-r!" growled the north wind, +as he flew through the forest. "Hollo! +Captain Jack; many thanks for +the Ice King's message which thou +broughtest me. Come, wilt thou ride +on my back in return?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Many thanks!" replied Captain +Jack; "I prefer to travel on foot, and +amuse myself by the way."</p> + +<p>"Well, be that as thou wilt!" replied +the wind, and he flew off in a +huff; for he considered that he had +made a very honorable offer, and had +been slighted.</p> + +<p>But Captain Jack ran gayly from +the forest; taking long strides over +the grass, and sowing it with little +white pearls, breathing on the bare +branches of the trees, and sheathing +them in glittering mail, pouncing slyly +on stray wayfarers, and pinching their +ears and noses till they roared again! +Then Captain Jack laughed; it sounded +like the sharp crack of a pistol +through the still air.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span></p> + +<p>By the banks of the river hares +were creeping, and complaining bitterly +of the cold. "Ah!" said they, "if +we could but find a warm hole to +creep into, or if we had but thick, +curly coats, like the bears!"</p> + +<p>"Do you think I have a warm +coat to give any one?" quoth Captain +Jack, and he breathed on their long +whiskers, which now stood quite +stiffly. "Oh hute-tute-tute-tu!" cried +they, hopping up and down with +pain; "oh my toes! my poor toes!"</p> + +<p>Captain Jack also danced with +merriment; he had neither soul nor +feeling, and couldn't understand being +sorry for any one.</p> + +<p>Over the river, the lights of the +town were gleaming. They shone like<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span> +stars that had stooped a little lower +from heaven. Captain Jack skipped +lightly across the waves rolling so +softly from shore to shore, and as he +passed, the water smoothed out under +his feet; it was as though some one +had placed upon it a thin sheet of +glass.</p> + +<p>He ran through the silent streets +of the town, where all the world had +gone to sleep, and peered in at many +casements. Sometimes he beheld the +good folks dreaming, with the hard, +ugly frown still on their faces which +they had worn when they were +awake; and then he slipped into the +room—yes, a key hole was large +enough for him to creep through if he +chose! and breathed upon them so,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> +that they shivered in their beds, in +spite of the warm eider down they +had tucked around them. "The window +was open on a crack," they +would say on the following day; but +it needed not a crack for Captain Jack +to enter if he thought they deserved +it!</p> + +<p>In other chambers he beheld lovely +little children, with the faces of angels; +or venerable grandsires; with +their snowy hair floating over the pillow, +and then he drew the most beautiful +pictures on the window pane, to +amuse them when they should wake. +He crept slyly into the larders of +thrifty housewives, and, with a touch, +made chickens and ducks hanging +there, quite stiff and tasteless; he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span> +skipped to the cistern, and magically +rendered the pump handle immovable; +he ran about the streets and +played tricks with the bright gas +lamps, and they went out, as though a +puff of wind had blown over them. +And, last of all, he ran against a stout +Burgomaster, returning homeward +from a merry supper, and so pinched +the end of his red bottle-nose, that it +tingled again!</p> + +<p>"I'll have you taken to prison, +you scoundrel!" roared the Burgomaster; +but how was he to find Captain +Jack? Only where a large fire +was raging did Captain Jack shrink +away in haste; heat did not seem to +agree with him, for he looked strangely +small and shrunken.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span></p> + +<p>He was now weary of the city, and +hastened lightly to the seaside. In the +harbor ships lay at anchor, ice-bound; +and on one of these a young sailor +was keeping watch for thieves; but he +saw not Captain Jack coming softly +on board, and peering over his shoulder +to see what was written on the +paper he held in his hand. A lantern +hung from the mast and shed a feeble +light on the tear-blistered page, where +the pious mother implored a blessing +on her son. As he read, the young +sailor also wept; but Captain Jack +had no taste for tears. He breathed +on the letter, and the sparkling drops +that the reader let fall became beads +of ice. The sailor hastily turned, and +for a moment fancied he beheld the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span> +brilliant eyes of Captain Jack gazing +upon him; but the next instant he saw +only two glittering icicles, which had +formed on the ropes.</p> + +<p>The sea gulls flew in circles round +the vessel; late as it was, they still +hoped something might be thrown out. +Captain Jack caught them by the long +feathers of their wings, and they tumbled +on the deck, and hopped stiffly +about. "Creesh, creesh!" cried they; +"it is that villain, Captain Jack, who +has served us thus! Ugh! how stiff +we are!"</p> + +<p>Crick, crack! sounded through the +air. It was Captain Jack laughing at +them.</p> + +<p>"How merry it is in winter!" he +cried. "It is there my uncle, the Ice<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span> +King, holds his court in the palace at +the North Pole. The great icebergs +come crashing to the very door to do +him homage, and the white young +lady bears dance the Polonaise so +gracefully! We don't spend a moment +in silly thought about anything—no! +we frisk and caper about, and even +my uncle comes down from his throne +and hops around, as well as his age +will permit! and there I have such +glorious sport in the long moonlight +nights!"</p> + +<p>"Bur-r-r!" grumbled the north +wind, sweeping by. "Thou hadst better +hurry home, thou silly madcap! +The sun is coming, and he is no friend +of thine!"</p> + +<p>"Many thanks!" cried Captain<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span> +Jack again, with a graceful bow; +"I see, truly, that my sport is over for +to-night!" and he now looked about +him with mischievous eyes, to see if +there were not some last trick that he +could play before he fled to his forest +cave. But there was no time to lose, +for already the round red sun, winking +and blinking sleepily behind his bed +curtains of red clouds, was rising from +the sea; and, with a sudden leap, Captain +Jack flung himself off the ship, +and hastened away.</p> + +<p>The river was all covered with +ice; the little hares skipped over it; +in the town everybody was bawling +for water, and the pump handles were +hard and fast; the Burgomaster had +his nose tied up in brown paper and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span> +warm vinegar; the naughty people +went about with cricks in their necks +and colds in their heads; while every +withered grass blade, every branch of +tree and bush, and every pane in the +windows, was covered with the beautiful, +fantastic, glittering handiwork +of <span class="smcap">Captain Jack Frost</span>!</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>As the story ended, the door above +suddenly opened, and the Herr Hartman +himself came out; and certainly +looked somewhat surprised at seeing +his good friend sitting there on the +lower step.</p> + +<p>"Why, my dear Herr Ekstein!" +he exclaimed. "Is anything the matter?" +and he hastened down the steps.</p> + +<p>The literary man jumped up, and +saw the Herr holding out his hand.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Nay, then, my good friend!" he +exclaimed, "I have been hearing the +merriest tale!"</p> + +<p>"But come in! come in!" cried +the Herr Hartman. "Some of our +friends are with us; let us spend a sociable +evening together."</p> + +<p>With a pleased and happy face the +literary man entered the house, and +the warm room, where the company +were assembled; and, amid peals of +laughter, related both the story of +Captain Jack, and that of the sleigh-ride +to Olè's, with the deuse himself +as driver!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE CABBAGES;</h2> + +<h3>OR, THE DISCREET WIFE.</h3> + + +<p><span class="smcap">In</span> a remote part of Swabia there +once dwelt a rich peasant, who was +noted in all the neighborhood for his +shrewdness. No one could get the +better of him in a bargain, and no +man managed his farm with such extraordinary +success. His crops always +seemed to flourish when the whole +country round was desolated with the +blight; his hay was sure to be got in +the very night before a flood swept<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span> +away the ricks of his neighbors; his +cows gave the most milk, his oxen +were the fattest, and his fields the +most fruitful of the whole valley. In +short, Wise Peter, for so he was +called, became wealthy year after +year, in a way which made his less +fortunate neighbors shake their heads +enviously, declaring "that such marvellous +good luck could only be obtained +by a bargain with the Evil One, +or the assistance of gnomes." Whenever +any of these stories came to the +ears of Wise Peter, he would smile +and say, "Ah! who knows, indeed!" +but not a word more would he utter.</p> + +<p>Among his other possessions, Wise +Peter owned an immense field, which +was planted entirely with cabbages.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span> +If one stood in the middle and gazed +around, nothing but cabbages and +more cabbages grew, as far as the eye +could reach; and as the fat burghers +of the town were all extremely fond +of sauerkraut, these were a source +of great profit.</p> + +<p>It happened that Peter had a wife +as well known for her folly and empty +head, as her husband for his sagacity; +and as he was rightly named Wise +Peter, so was she equally well called +Silly Catharine. How the two came +to be united was a mystery to every +one; for certain it is, that Silly Catharine +had nothing to recommend her +to a sensible man, but her being young +and pretty.</p> + +<p>Now Silly Catharine, who was as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span> +witless as she could well be, was fonder +of cabbages than anything else in the +world. She ate sauerkraut for breakfast, +cabbage soup for dinner, fried +cabbage for supper, and boiled cabbage +for a noonday treat. Not even +the constant scoldings of her husband, +or the jeers of the neighbors at her +folly, could distress her in any great +degree, if she had only plenty of cabbages.</p> + +<p>One morning, Wise Peter loaded +his wagon with grain and started off +to sell it at the distant market town, +a good day's journey to and from the +village. "Now, Catharine," he said to +his wife as he departed, "I want you +to keep your wits about you, such as +you possess, while I am gone; therefore<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span> +attend to me. You must give orders +that the men reap the wheat in +the large field, take care that the +young turkeys do not get among the +brambles, and, above all, see that no +one enters the little storeroom. They +are going to tax every one who is +worth five hundred guilders and over; +and as I don't choose to give my hard +earnings for the support of a parcel +of lazy nobles and a useless court, I +have hidden all the money bags there; +therefore, be careful that nobody +knows of it but yourself." So saying, +Peter mounted his wagon and drove +off. Silly Catharine looked after him +as long as he could be seen, and then +went back to the kitchen, determined<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span> +to show her husband how clever she +had become.</p> + +<p>"Shall I go and tell the goose girl +to hunt the turkeys into the coop +first?" thought she; "or shall I put +on the cabbage to boil? I think I will +set my cabbage on first; it will take +but a moment, the turkeys are safe till +then."</p> + +<p>So she went to the larder, got out +a fine large cabbage, and hung the +pot over the fire, that it might boil +quickly. The steam of the cabbage +cooking ascended to her nose with a +delicious perfume, and at last, what +with hanging over the pot enveloped +in steam, and the heat of the fire, she +felt very drowsy, and falling into her +chair, was soon soundly asleep. She<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span> +had not slept long before in came the +goose girl, whose business it was to +take charge of the fowls of all sorts, +crying out, "Oh, mistress! mistress: +the turkeys have got among the brambles, +and cannot get out!"</p> + +<p>"Mercy upon us!" exclaimed +Catharine, springing up and wringing +her hands; "what will Peter say to +me! He will, doubtless, break his +stick over my shoulders. If it were not +for the cabbage on the fire, I should +certainly throw myself from the window!" +So saying, she ran out into +the field, but too late; the little turkeys +were all in the very middle of a +bramble bush, which had tangled in +their feathers, until it was impossible +to get them out; beside which, a fox<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span> +had entered the barn yard in the +goose girl's absence, by the gate, which +she had carelessly left swinging open, +and carried off the biggest and handsomest +Poland rooster, that Wise Peter +valued even more than the turkeys. +About this last loss, however, +she said nothing, hoping that her mistress +wouldn't remark it. This, indeed, +proved to be the case; for, without +noticing the absence of poor +Chanticleer, Catharine burst into +tears, exclaiming, "What is to be +done? The only way is to cut the +bush down."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 399px;"> +<img src="images/i002.jpg" width="399" height="261" alt="THE FATE OF POOR CHANTICLEER." title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE FATE OF POOR CHANTICLEER.</span> +</div> + +<p>As she spoke, she seized an axe, +and with one blow felled the bush to +the ground. But what was her horror +to find, as she let fall the axe, that she<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span> +had also struck off the heads of every +one of the turkeys!</p> + +<p>"Oh heavens! what a misfortune!" +cried Catharine; "I am the most unlucky +woman in the world! <i>Now</i> Wise +Peter will not leave a whole bone in +my body! Alas, the turkeys would +have sold for eight skillings apiece +when they had grown fat and big! +The only thing that consoles me is, +that I shall have such a famous supper +ready for him. When he tastes +my fine cabbage soup, I am sure he +must forget to be vexed!" There were +still, however, the bodies of the turkeys +to see after; so she took out her +needle and thread, sewed the heads of +the turkeys on their necks, and set +them upright in the coop, that they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span> +might look as though they were still +alive.</p> + +<p>After this precious piece of cleverness, +Silly Catharine returned to the +house to see how her cabbage came +on. But she had been gone so long +that the water in the pot had all boiled +away, and the cabbage was burning +on hard and fast to the bottom of the +pot. "Why, bless me! where can the +water have gone to?" cried Silly +Catharine. "It must have all drawn +up chimney! Nevertheless, it would +be a pity to lose it; full of the cabbage +juice as it was, it might well have +been made into soup; and Wise Peter +has told me a hundred times never to +waste anything. I will get something<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span> +to let down the chimney and see if I +can dip it up."</p> + +<p>So saying, she began to look about +for a rope long enough to reach down +the chimney; but she couldn't find +one. All at once her eye fell on the +bucket standing outside the well. Joyfully +rushing to it, she cut the rope, +and dragging the bucket after her, +scrambled out on the roof, and began +letting it down the chimney. While she +was thus engaged, a poor little frightened +swallow, who had built its nest +there, suddenly flew up the chimney +and darted right in her face. Silly +Catharine was so much frightened, +that she gave a loud scream and let +go of the rope. The bucket, of course, +fell into the middle of the fire, and in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span> +a twinkling was burnt to cinders. +Down from the roof, and into the +kitchen, rushed Catherine, but too +late; nothing save the iron hoops now +remained of the bucket.</p> + +<p>"What shall I do?" cried Silly +Catharine. "Not an hour passes but +some new misfortune occurs. Alas! I +am no longer able to draw water for +my soup! but stay, I think of a way!" +So saying, she took the pot from the +hook, tied a rope to the handle, let it +down the well, with the cabbage still +in it, and when it was filled carried it +back to the house, and hung it over +the fire.</p> + +<p>Soon afterward the dairy maid +went to draw some water for dinner. +She could not find the bucket; so she<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span> +let down a milk pail instead; but +when she came to taste the water, she +tasted also the flavor of the cabbage, +and ran to her mistress, calling out, +"Why, mistress, who has been meddling +with our fine well? It had once +the best water in the neighborhood, +but now the flavor is precisely that of +a greasy, horrible cabbage!"</p> + +<p>"Nonsense!" cried Silly Catharine, +with an air of contempt; "it is all +your fancy. Don't tell me that water +can taste of cabbages!" Her heart +beat with affright, however, and as +soon as the servant maid had left the +room, she ran in great terror to the +wine cellar. "What the servant said +must have been true," thought she; +"and Wise Peter will never forgive<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span> +me when he finds out that I have +spoilt the well. I will, therefore, pour +some wine into the water, to take +away the taste of the cabbages." So +saying, she seized one of the wine barrels, +and in the strength of terror she +managed, with great difficulty, to push +it up the cellar stairs, and roll it +through the kitchen out to the well. +Then she removed the spile and tilted +the cask forward; when out streamed +at least thirty gallons of the finest Tokay +down the well!</p> + +<p>Having done this, Silly Catharine +hid the barrel away with great precipitation; +and, determined to leave +nothing else undone, she called the +reapers and bid them go directly to +the large field and reap the wheat.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span> +Then she went back, and began eating +her dinner, saying, "Thank heaven, I +have a good dinner to sit down to, at +least; there are always cabbages +enough!"</p> + +<p>Meanwhile, the reapers made ready +to go a-field; and before they went, +one of them drew a bucket of water +to carry with them. But no sooner +had they tasted the water, than they +cried out, "'Tis wine! the finest +wine!" and scarcely able to believe +their senses, they drew up bucket after +bucket of this new liquor, drank till +they became drunk, and then tumbled +senseless among the wheat; for it +happened that the well was very low, +and what they drew was nearly all +wine. While they lay there, a violent<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span> +hail storm came on, and in an hour's +time the whole of the wheat was +beaten to the ground, drenched, +crushed, and ruined.</p> + +<p>Unconscious of this fresh misfortune, +Silly Catharine prepared her soup +for supper, and then, having finished +her work, she sat down in the front +porch and began to knit, feeling as if +at last all her troubles were over. +Presently the gate was opened, and a +man entered the garden. It was he +who was appointed to gather the tax, +and knowing Wise Peter to be well +off, it was to his house that he first +came.</p> + +<p>"Oh, you are very much mistaken +if you think I will pay your outrageous +tax!" cried Silly Catharine. "No, no!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span> +Wise Peter would know better than +that, and his wife will not be behind +hand! He told me before he went +that he had no money to pay, and if +he had, he wouldn't give it to support +your lazy nobles; so be off with you!"</p> + +<p>While Catharine had been making +this tirade, the tax gatherer, to whom +she had unwittingly given a valuable +hint, hit upon a new plan by which to +secure his guilders. So as she paused, +out of breath, he exclaimed, in a contemptuous +tone: "There is no use in +making such a noise, good woman; I +see plainly that I was a fool to suppose +the owner of this beggarly house +was worth five hundred guilders. Five +kreutzers would be much nearer the +mark!"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span></p> + +<p>"What! do you dare to call the +house of Wise Peter beggarly!" cried +Catharine in a rage; "beggarly, indeed! +you could never get such a fine +one if you live a thousand years."</p> + +<p>"And I repeat that it is a beggarly +house," said the other; "with a poor, +miserable family in it."</p> + +<p>"You don't believe me?" screamed +Silly Catharine; "well, then I'll show +you what you call poor; a pretty +thing, indeed, that you should say we +are a beggarly family!" And, bouncing +from her seat, she led the tax +gatherer to the store room, and dragging +the money bags from their concealment, +she opened them triumphantly, +saying, "There, what do you +call <i>that?</i>"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span></p> + +<p>"At least a thousand guilders!" +exclaimed the tax gatherer, astonished +at seeing so much more than he had +expected. "So, you refuse to pay the +tax when you have all this money in +the house! I confiscate it all in the +name of the king, and you may think +yourself lucky if you and your precious +husband (who must be wise, since he +married such a wife as you), don't get +thrown into prison besides." So saying, +he snatched up the bags of guilders, +while Catharine stood staring at +him in mute horror, and in an instant +was out of the house, and gone on his +way.</p> + +<p>Nearly stunned with this new mishap, +Catharine burst into tears, and +ran down stairs crying, as though her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span> +heart would break. "What is to become +of me," she sobbed, "when Peter +comes home? He will certainly +kill me for having shown the tax +gatherer the money! Nevertheless, +what could I do? It was impossible +to have people say that Wise Peter +was a beggarly creature—I could not +allow that!" and, a little re-assured, +she dried her eyes and went to taste +the soup. It was nearly done, and +tasted deliciously. "Ah!" cried Silly +Catharine, "the soup is better than +usual! It quite repays me for all to +think that we still have the finest cabbages!"</p> + +<p>In the mean time, one of the +reapers, who had drank less wine than +the others, woke up sober, and as soon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span> +as he found he could stand on his legs, +he ran post haste to the village to +relate the wonderful tale. The place +being small and the gossips many, it +was not half an hour before the whole +population knew the extraordinary +occurrence that had taken place. +Even the curé, the magistrate, and the +doctor rushed into the street to hear +the news, and a pretty uproar there +was. "Said I not truly that Wise +Peter was in league with the Evil +One?" exclaimed one, "for only thus +can the miracle of a spring of wine be +accounted for." "True, true!" cried +the listeners; "a wizard he must be; +and that of a right dangerous sort!"</p> + +<p>Just at this moment, the wagon +of Wise Peter was seen coming along<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span> +the road. The impatient villagers +could not wait for him to approach +them, but rushed toward the wagon +and surrounded it on every side. +"How now, wretched wizard!" they +one and all shouted; "dare you look +us in the face when we have found +you out in your sorceries? Away with +you to prison!" and, so saying, they +laid hold of Wise Peter, dragged him +out of the wagon, and bore him toward +the magistrate. In vain the wretched +man begged for some explanation, declared +a hundred times over that he +was no wizard, but an honest peasant; +they only shouted, tauntingly, "A +pretty story for a man who turns his +well springs into the finest wine! no<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span> +wizard, indeed! say, rather, a wizard +of the worst kind!"</p> + +<p>With these words, they hauled him +before the magistrate, where, again, +the reaper repeated his story, adding, +by way of proof, "If you don't believe +me, go and see the other reapers; +there they lie drunk, where I left +them."</p> + +<p>"You hear what this honest man +says," said the magistrate. "We have +long suspected you of sorcery, but this +proves the matter at once. Either you +must forfeit a hundred guilders, as ordained +by law in such cases, or you +must go to prison."</p> + +<p>Almost distracted, Wise Peter exclaimed, +"You have seen fit, worthy +magistrate, to accuse me of a crime<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span> +of which, so far from being guilty, I +know nothing whatever. When I left +home this morning, I swear the water +was as fresh and pure as possible. I +know that some envious people had +long accused me of practising black +arts, and if Industry and Prudence +are black arts, I am certainly guilty; +but in this matter of the water, I am +as innocent as my own wife!"</p> + +<p>"All this is very fine," answered +the magistrate; "but it happens that +the bewitched water can be produced;" +and turning to the reaper, he +said, "Have you any of this water +about you?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, worthy magistrate," replied +the reaper; "as I came away from the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span> +field, I filled my flask with what was +left, and brought it with me."</p> + +<p>The flask was handed to Peter, +and no sooner had he tasted it, than +he fell back aghast, exclaiming, +"Good heaven, it <i>is</i> wine! and very +like Tokay!"</p> + +<p>"What! you confess it yourself?" +cried the magistrate. "Don't hope, +then, for mercy! You shall now pay +two hundred guilders, or go to prison +for a year!"</p> + +<p>"Mercy! mercy!" cried the unfortunate +man, falling on his knees. +"Consider my family, worthy magistrate; +do not disgrace them by sending +me to prison! I see the water has +been changed, but not by me; and +though you will not believe me, I can<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span> +solemnly assure you, with perfect +truth, that I am innocent."</p> + +<p>"Pay or go to prison!" answered +the magistrate inexorably.</p> + +<p>With many tears and groans, the +unlucky Peter drew a purse full of +guilders from his pocket and paid over +the whole proceeds of his sale of +wheat, which only amounted to a +hundred and five guilders; the magistrate +remarking that he would let him +off with that if he would solemnly +swear never to practise the black art +any more, and to unbewitch his well +as speedily as possible. This Peter +did, in despair of bringing them to +reason, and having been thus severely +punished for a crime he was utterly +guiltless of, he mounted his wagon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span> +again, and rode home in a state of +mind that can better be imagined than +described.</p> + +<p>When he reached his own home +he rapped on the window as usual, to +warn his wife, and Catharine rushed +out to meet him, and, throwing her +arms round his neck, cried, "Oh, Peter, +I am so glad you have returned; +the good cabbage soup is all ready for +you; so come right in and eat it!"</p> + +<p>"Eat!" exclaimed Wise Peter, +"how can I swallow a mouthful when +I am so overwhelmed with misfortune?"</p> + +<p>"What! you also!" said Catharine; +"alas! what has happened?"</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 382px;"> +<img src="images/i003.jpg" width="382" height="400" alt="PETER'S RETURN HOME." title="" /> +<span class="caption">PETER'S RETURN HOME.</span> +</div> + +<p>With accents that trembled with +rage and grief, Wise Peter told how<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span> +he had been treated in the village; +but he had scarcely made an end before +Catharine, bursting into tears, exclaimed, +"Oh, what will become of +me! Have mercy, Peter, for it was I +who poured the wine down the well!"</p> + +<p>"Poured wine down the well!" +cried Peter, starting in astonishment; +"then, for heaven's sake, why did you +do that?"</p> + +<p>"Because," sobbed his wife, "the +water tasted of cabbages!"</p> + +<p>"Of cabbages!" repeated the +peasant, in greater surprise than ever, +"and what made it taste of cabbages?"</p> + +<p>"Because I dipped up water in +the cabbage pot," cried Silly Catharine.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And where was the bucket?" +asked her husband.</p> + +<p>"I burnt it, trying to dip the water +out of the chimney, that had been +drawn up from the cabbage pot!" +gasped Catharine, feeling that everything +must now be told, since she had +begun.</p> + +<p>Wise Peter took two or three +strides across the room in silence; +then, making a violent effort to speak +quietly, he said, "And why, Catharine, +since you supposed that water could +be drawn up a chimney, did you leave +the pot unwatched?"</p> + +<p>Almost in a scream, Silly Catharine +broke out, "Because I was sewing on +the turkeys' heads that I struck off +cutting down the bramble bush!!"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Now, was ever any man tormented +with such a fool of a wife!" shouted +Peter, almost beside himself with rage. +"I could beat you with pleasure for +acting so witlessly, but that, alas! +would not pay for what you have lost +for me this day. A hundred and five +guilders of my precious money have I +been made to pay for your foolery, +besides losing my Tokay wine, my +field of wheat, and all my fine young +turkeys! at least a hundred guilders +more!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, and that's not the worst!" +cried Catharine.</p> + +<p>"What! is there any more to +come?" exclaimed Peter, almost out +of his senses.</p> + +<p>"Yes," stammered Silly Catharine;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span> +"the man came here to gather the +tax, and I told him, as you said, that +you were far too clever to pay it, and +that he would get nothing more out +of me. Then he said you were a beggarly +fellow, not worth five kreutzers, +and, of course, I couldn't allow that; +so I showed him the guilders in the +store room, to prove that he spoke +falsely, and he took every one of +them! I am so sorry, but never +mind, there is excellent cabbage soup +for supper!"</p> + +<p>At this, Peter could restrain himself +no longer, and falling upon Silly +Catharine, he trounced her well with +his stick, until she cried out for mercy. +"There!" he said at last, throwing +down the stick, "you have been<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span> +well punished, though not half enough +to pay for the mischief you have +done."</p> + +<p>Silly Catharine dried her eyes upon +her apron, and with a reproachful +look exclaimed, "Still you have beaten +me, Wise Peter, for what I could not +help; for, if the turkeys had not been +killed, I should never have stayed +away so long; if the water had not +flown up chimney, I should not have +burnt the bucket; and if the well had +not tasted of cabbages, I should not +have thrown in the wine. And, above +all, dear Peter, if that abominable man +spoke ill of you, how could I, your +wife, avoid showing him that he lied? +Besides, the case is not so bad; we +have lost nearly all, it is true; but,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span> +thank heaven, we still have delicious +cabbages!"</p> + +<p>In spite of himself, Wise Peter +could not help bursting out laughing. +"After all, Catharine," he exclaimed, +"I see you did not intend doing me +any harm; if you are a fool, that, certainly, +is not your fault; therefore, in +future let us never be separated. Come, +you pretty goose, let us go and eat +cabbage soup."</p> + +<p>So saying, Wise Peter kissed his +wife's blooming cheek, and led her +into the house. They sat down with +contented hearts to the nice, smoking +soup, and after supper walked out +among the spreading cabbages.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE WONDERFUL LEGEND OF THE GOLD STONE.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">In</span> those far away times when the +world was yet in its baby clothes, and +people were not as wise as they are +nowadays, there dwelt in the good +town of London a poor tailor's apprentice +named Bartlemy Bowbell. He +might be called poor in a double +sense; for not only was he such a +lazy, idle fellow that he scarcely ever +took a stitch, and so seldom had a +copper of his own, but he was a miserable +workman, and, like an organ-grinder's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span> +monkey, or a blind man's +dog, obtained more kicks than halfpence.</p> + +<p>In the same room with him were +several other tailors; who sang together +one of two tunes as they +stitched. If they were paid for every +day's work, be it much or little, they +sang, "By the d-a-y! by the d-a-a-y! +by the d-a-a-a-y!" and the needles +went in and out as slowly as the +coaches of a funeral procession; but +if they were paid for every garment +they finished, then they sang, +"By the job! by the job! by the +job!" and the needles stitched away +like an express train! Bartlemy, however, +crossed his legs, put his thimble +firmly on, and stitched briskly for five<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span> +minutes; then his attention would +wander, and presently, dropping +work, thimble, shears, and needle, +he began singing to himself,</p> + +<div class='poem'> +"Oh, if I were only possessed of my riches,<br /> +I never would sew on a pair of old breeches!<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Thimbles and thread!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Buttons and braid!</span><br /> +Oh, who would be bound to this rascally trade?<br /> +<br /> +"If money I had, I'd be free from all care,<br /> +And what <i>master</i> must <i>make</i>, <i>I</i> should have but to <i>wear!</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Needles and pins!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Shears and cloth ends!</span><br /> +When the work's ended then pleasure begins!"<br /> +</div> + +<p>"What's that you're singing about +riches?" cried his master, sharply; +"Riches, forsooth! you will die in the +poor house, I can tell you, if you don't +stitch more diligently! Come, sew +away! sew away!" So saying, he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span> +gave him a good thwack with his yard +stick, to make him continue working.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 303px;"> +<img src="images/i004.jpg" width="303" height="300" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>All the beatings in the world, however, +could not thump out of Bartlemy +Bowbell a belief that had got into his +head that he should one day become +rich and famous, through the agency +of a wonderful jewel called the Gold +Stone. As I said, people, in those +days, were by no means so wise as +they are at present, and so it fell out<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span> +that the most learned philosophers of +that olden time believed as firmly as +did the tailor's apprentice in the existence +of this Gold Stone, the peculiar +property of which was, that if it came +in contact with any common metal, it +changed it, on that instant, into gold. +Now, this story had come to the ears +of Bartlemy Bowbell, and by one of +those odd cranks that not overwise +people sometimes take in their heads, +he was perfectly persuaded that, +sooner or later, he was fated to find +the miraculous gem.</p> + +<p>Matters soon rose to such a pitch, +as may easily be seen, that his master +finally turned him out of doors, saying +"that he ate more than he would ever +earn."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span></p> +<div class="figright" style="width: 176px;"> +<img src="images/i005.jpg" width="176" height="200" alt="with stick in hand" title="" /> +</div> +<p>"Very well, master," quoth Bartlemy, +"I don't regret your goose and +cabbage!" and having said this, he +ran away as hard as he could, dropping +one of his slipshod shoes as he +went along, with his master pursuing +after, yard stick in hand, whom, however, +he soon contrived to outstrip.</p> + + + +<p>As he had not earned a penny during +the week, he was entirely without<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span> +money, and nobody would lodge a +shabby apprentice with only one shoe, +for nothing. He wandered on until he +was clear of London and in the open +fields, begging of those he met on the +road, but who always replied to his +solicitation, "Why don't you go to +work, you lazy 'prentice?" for they +knew what he was, because he wore a +'prentice's flat cap. Worst of all, +night now came on, and Bartlemy was +at last compelled to lie down beneath +a tree, where he soon fell asleep. The +moon rose high, and still Bartlemy +snored, when, all of a sudden, he was +roused by a smart blow on the shoulder +from what he could have sworn +was a yard stick.</p> + +<p>"Needles and pins!" cried Bartlemy,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span> +sitting up in haste; "what's +that?"</p> + +<p>"Bartlemy Bowbell," croaked a +strange voice, "look at me."</p> + +<p>Bartlemy looked round, and to his +extreme terror, saw standing beside +him a being whom he could only suppose +to be a goblin. He was not more +than four feet high, with very bow +legs, as though from a constant habit +of tucking them up on a tailor's shop +board; his clothes, fashioned from odd +bits of velvet and cloth such as tailors +call "cabbage," or, as we should say, +the pieces of the customers' stuff left +from their coats—were trimmed with +thimbles for bell buttons; on his head +was a tailor's cotton nightcap, with a +long tassel, and hanging at his waist<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span> +were an immense pair of shears, and a +pincushion bristling with needles and +pins. In one hand he carried the yard +stick with which he had struck the +luckless 'prentice, and in the other a +tailor's goose, or flat iron.</p> + +<p>His face was expressive of the +most jovial good humor, though it +could not be called handsome, for his +nose was flattened as though he were +in the habit of trying his iron against +the end; his hair seemed composed +of long and short threads mingled together, +and he had an abominable +squint, as though he were always endeavoring +to see how a coat set at the +front and back, the collar and tail at +the same time.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Bartlemy," said the goblin again, +"what's the matter with you?"</p> + +<p>"Matter, your worship?" gasped +Bartlemy.</p> + +<p>"Come to the point," said the +goblin, severely, accidentally swinging +his pincushion against Bartlemy's legs +at the same time, and pricking him +most atrociously. "You are everlastingly +growling and grumbling, instead +of working at your trade like an honest +tailor, and richly deserve to be +thwacked with the yardstick every +morning by way of breakfast; but +never mind, I choose to help you; so +say what you want, quick."</p> + +<p>"A-and who might your worship +be?" asked Bartlemy, with a cold +shudder; for he felt desperately afraid<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span> +that he had got hold of Old Boguey +or Old Nick—it was not much matter +which.</p> + +<p>"That's none of your business," +said the being; "but if you must +know, I am Snippinbitz, the patron of +the tailors."</p> + +<p>"O lord, your worship, you don't +say so!" stammered Bartlemy.</p> + +<p>"That's a fact!" returned the goblin. +"Come, out with it; what can I +do for you?"</p> + +<p>Bartlemy scratched his head and +took off his cap, looked into it, found +no words there, and put it on again; +and finally, with a bow that nearly +toppled him head over heels, and a +kick up of his foot that sent his remaining<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span> +slipper flying into the nearest +mud-puddle, he managed to say:</p> + +<p>"Please, your worship, I want to +find the Gold Stone."</p> + +<p>The goblin burst into a discordant +laugh on hearing this; then, suddenly +becoming serious, he said:</p> + +<p>"Well, that's a sensible request, +Bartlemy, and a modest one, considering +the circumstances. Never mind, I +have taken a fancy to you; your wish +shall be accomplished. See here."</p> + +<p>With these words Snippinbitz put +his hand in his pocket, and pulled out +a magnificent jewel, as it seemed to +Bartlemy. It was of the most resplendent +purple color imaginable, and +sparkled all over with flecks of gold, +which seemed to swim beneath the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span> +surface. Nothing could look more +gorgeously beautiful as the astonished +tailor held it up in the moonlight; +yes, there could be no doubt of it; +the mysterious, the unattainable Gold +Stone was really his!</p> + +<p>"Now, Bartlemy, attend to me," +continued the being. "The Gold Stone +is yours, but under certain conditions, +which must be faithfully complied +with, or no gold! First, you must +return to London to-morrow, seek out +your old master, and ask him to employ +you as a regular workman. You +will find yourself able to sew as well +as the best, through my assistance, +and you must employ this power diligently +on the work he gives you to +do. I warn you, however, that you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span> +must keep the secret of the Gold Stone +from everybody; and, in order that +you may do so, you must never take it +out of your pouch until you are safe +in your own chamber. Secondly, when +you receive your wages, place the +money directly in the pouch containing +the Gold Stone, and do not look at +it until you go to bed. Then you will +find the copper turned into silver, and +the silver into gold. But if you count +the money first, it will never be any +different. Thirdly, in a year's time +from to-night, meet me at this spot, and +tell me how you have prospered. Will +you keep these conditions faithfully?"</p> + +<p>"Ye-y-es! your worship!" stammered +the 'prentice.</p> + +<p>"Then, how are you, Mr. Gold<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span> +Stone!" exclaimed the goblin, in advance +of the age; and, with an outrageous +wink, he treated Bartlemy to +another whack with the yardstick, +and vanished.</p> + +<p>The blow struck our tailor insensible; +and when his eyes again unclosed +it was broad daylight. For a +moment he stared about him, wondering +how he came to be there; then, +remembering the extraordinary events +of the previous night, he hastily felt +in his pouch, and drew out the miraculous +jewel. It flamed in the sunlight +like a bright diamond eye, and Bartlemy +almost fancied he caught it +winking at him. This idea lasted but a +moment, and having taken a long and +delighted stare at the much-desired<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span> +Gold Stone, he replaced it carefully in +his pouch, and started straight for +London. As he passed the newly-opened +bakers' shops, he could not +help wishing that he had a half-penny +in the world, so that he might change +it into a crown on the spot, and buy +a basketful of hot rolls; but as the +Gold Stone was not warranted to <i>make</i> +money, he was forced to take it out +in wishing. Fortunately one of the +bakers, seeing him gaze hungrily at +the hot bread, had the kindness to +toss him a large roll; and, munching +this, he arrived at his master's shop.</p> + +<p>After the way in which he had +been turned out, he hadn't much hope +of getting in again, but, afraid of disobeying +the goblin's injunctions, he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span> +entered with as much courage as he +could muster, and found the other +tailors stitching away as usual, while +his master cut out a coat.</p> + +<p>Bartlemy took his cap humbly off, +saying, "Please, master, if you will +employ me as a workman now, I think +I can please you. Do try me; I will +be industrious; indeed, I will."</p> + +<p>"Oh," grumbled the master tailor, +"sleeping out in the fields and going +without supper and breakfast has +done you good, has it? Well, take +this coat and sit you down; but I +warn you, beforehand, that if you are +not more industrious than usual, I will +lay my yardstick over your shoulder, +and clear you out again."</p> + +<p>Bartlemy took the work, and having<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span> +planted himself on the shop-board<a name="FNanchor_A_1" id="FNanchor_A_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a> +in his favorite place, near a window, +he put on his thimble, threaded his +needle with a grand flourish, and began +to stitch away for dear life. He +sewed faster and better than he had +ever done before, and found, to his +joy, that the goblin's promises had +begun to be fulfilled in reality. But +bad habits are not to be conquered as +one would pull up weeds: though both +must be torn up by the roots, one +might weed three gardens in the time +it takes to destroy one fault; and so, +without really meaning it, Bartlemy +at last began to ply his needle less +briskly; his thoughts wandered; he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span> +took a stitch that was three times too +long, then another in a wrong place, a +third and fourth all askew, and finally +the work came to a dead stand-still. +But, thimbles and thread! what happened? +The instant his hand stopped, +a long yellow yardstick came flying +through the window, with no one +holding it, hit him such a thwack on +the shins that he roared again with the +pain, and instantly vanished.</p> + +<p>"Why, what's the matter?" asked +the other tailors, startled, as they well +might be.</p> + +<p>"Matter!" cried Bartlemy. "Why, +didn't you see that—that horrible +yardstick coming at me?"</p> + +<p>At this they all laughed at him for +a fool; for nobody but our tailor<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span> +could perceive this terrific weapon, +which was doubtless invisible to common +eyes. His conscience whispered, +however, that his punishment was a +reminder from the friendly goblin, and +accordingly he set to work with renewed +diligence. After a while, lost +in dreams of his approaching wealth, +he stopped stitching again, when, like +a flash, in came the yardstick, touched +him up with a vengeance, and vanished +as before; and so it continued all +the time he was sewing: the watchful +yardstick would only allow him to +stop to thread his needle or turn the +work.</p> + +<p>When he had stitched all the +seams, he laid the coat on the table +and heated his goose, that he might<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span> +smooth them. He took care to post +himself a good way from the window, +in order to get rid of the ferocious +yardstick; but the goblin was not to +be baffled thus. The moment he +stopped ironing and began to count +the flies on the ceiling, the goose +seemed to carry his hand up with it—<ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'irrisistibly'">irresistibly</ins>—to +the end of his nose, and +gave it a good scorching! This was +no joke, I can tell you, and in a very +short time Bartlemy began so to dread +the visits of his two enemies that he +never left working a minute, and his +needle dashed along like magic. By +sunset the coat was done, and sewed +in a manner vastly superior to the +other tailors, who looked at him with +envious eyes. "What! finish a whole<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span> +coat in one day?" they cried; "we +never could do so well! Goose and +cabbage! friend Bartlemy! you must +have the assistance of some fairy!"</p> + +<p>Bartlemy made no answer, but +taking the coat in hand, carried it +to his master, who viewed it in the +greatest astonishment. Never before +had a coat been made in a single day, +and stitched, too, more finely than +anything he had ever seen; but, not +wishing to raise his late 'prentice's +ideas of himself, he merely grumbled +out, "For a wonder you have done +your work this time; so now take +your wages, and be sure to come early +Monday morn."</p> + +<p>As he spoke, he slipped a couple +of coins into Bartlemy's hand, who,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span> +remembering the goblin's words, put +them into his pouch without so much +as looking at them.</p> + +<p>Now, no doubt my clever little +readers have guessed quite readily the +true solution of this mighty mystery; +but to the simple Bartlemy the reality +of the Gold Stone's magic power +was placed beyond a doubt when, on +reaching his chamber and striking a +light, he found, instead of the farthing +and penny which had always been +his weekly payment, a crown and sixpence.</p> + +<p>"Huzzah! huzzah!" he cried, fairly +jumping for joy; "my beautiful +Gold Stone is doing its work bravely." +He kissed the stone in his delight, and +went to bed, to dream of becoming a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span> +master tailor, and making clothes for +the king.</p> + +<p>The following Monday he repaired +to his master's shop the first of any +one, and everything happened as on +the former time; except that, being +more diligent at his work, the goose +and the yardstick were less frequent +in their favors, and he now made a +coat and a vest in the day. His master +really knew not what to think; but at +least so good a workman was not to +be lost; so he kept his surprise and +suspicions to himself, and made up by +heaping more and more sewing on the +luckless Bartlemy.</p> + +<p>It didn't make any difference, +however; his needle almost seemed to +work by itself, and the sewing was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span> +finished by sunset; so that, really, the +good-natured goblin was the original +sewing machine, and no thanks to +Messrs. Grover and Baker. At the end +of the week his master paid him a +crown and a shilling; or, as Bartlemy +believed, a farthing and a penny; the +next week a guinea, and the week after +a guinea and a crown, which was +the highest wages ever paid.</p> + +<p>So things went on, until Bartlemy +had earned enough to make quite a +fortune in his eyes; ten whole guineas +lay glittering in the old night cap +where he kept his savings, and the +tailor thought he might now set up +for a gentleman. So he bought cloth, +made himself, in secret, a fine cloak, +coat, and breeches, and in these jackdaw<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span> +adornments paraded about the +streets a whole morning, trying to appear +an idle fine gentleman. At last +he strutted into the best inn, ordered +a grand dinner and a bottle of wine, +and feasted like a lord.</p> + +<p>But his time was coming. The +watchful goblin, though not at his +side, knew perfectly well what he was +about, and soon led him to betray his +quality most fatally. When the bill +was brought him, it was so long and +so tremendous that Bartlemy sprang +up in a rage, crying out:</p> + +<p>"<i>Thimbles and thread!</i> Do you +call this a decent charge for your paltry +dinner?"</p> + +<p>The landlord stared at him in astonishment; +then, suddenly bursting into<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span> +a loud laugh, he cried, "Why, gentles +all, this fine nobleman is nothing but +a tailor! ha! ha!" and he put his +hands to his fat sides and shook with +laughter.</p> + +<p>"Be silent, sirrah!" thundered +Bartlemy; "or <i>I'll break my yardstick +over your shoulders!</i>"</p> + +<p>"Ha! ha! only hear what he +says!" laughed the landlord. "A +miserable tailor."</p> + +<p>"If you do not stop your impertinence, +I will <i>shear off your ears like +cloth clippings!</i>" retorted the angry +tailor. "Goose and cabbage! man; +you shall not trifle with me!"</p> + +<p>On this the landlord and waiters +turned him bodily out of the house, +after seizing upon all his remaining<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span> +money; and the moment he was in +the street, the knowledge of how he +had betrayed himself broke upon his +mind. Mortified and miserable, he hurried +home, determined, after this, to +stick to his trade and play fine gentleman +no more.</p> + +<p>The year at last drew to a close, +and Bartlemy had now earned enough +to set up for a master tailor; when, one +bright moonlight night, he suddenly +remembered that it was the very anniversary +of his meeting with the goblin. +Starting up, he ran to where his +pouch was placed, took out the Gold +Stone and enjoyed a long look at it, +and then, throwing his cloak around +him, he hastened forth. The moonlight +beamed brightly on the path he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span> +was taking, and seemed to throw all +sorts of queer shadows before him; +now it was an immense yardstick, +now a thimble supported on two needles +like a pair of spindle legs, then a +goose with a pair of shears astride on +the handle.</p> + +<p>At last, as he paused under the old +tree, he heard a familiar croaking +laugh, and found himself unexpectedly +in the presence of Snippinbitz, the +friendly goblin.</p> + +<p>"Well, Bartlemy," croaked the +being; "and how have you prospered +with the Gold Stone?"</p> + +<p>"Marvellously well, your worship!" +replied Bartlemy, in a joyous +tone.</p> + +<p>"And you found a crown and a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span> +shilling, and a guinea and a crown, +instead of your penny and farthing; +did you, Bartlemy?"</p> + +<p>"Why, yes, your worship, I did, +certainly."</p> + +<p>"And the Gold Stone changed +them, did it, Bartlemy?"</p> + +<p>"Why, yes, your worship; of +course it did."</p> + +<p>"Now, Bartlemy," said the goblin, +in a confidential tone, laying his hand +on the other's shoulder, "I want to +tell you something. It isn't the Gold +Stone!"</p> + +<p>"It's—not—the—Gold—Stone!!" +gasped Bartlemy.</p> + +<p>"Why, no, you donkey! there's no +such thing!"</p> + +<p>Bartlemy turned fairly green and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span> +yellow with horror and disappointment.</p> + +<p>"Listen to me, Bartlemy Bowbell," +said the goblin; "nobody but a donkey +would suppose that a round bit +of purple glass——"</p> + +<p>"Of purple glass!" repeated Bartlemy, +in a sort of dream.</p> + +<p>"Don't interrupt, Bartlemy—that +a bit of purple glass could change copper +into gold. Your master paid you +the wages your work was worth, that +is all. There is no such preposterous +jewel on the face of the earth as you +imagine; but there <i>is</i> a true Gold +Stone, and its name is</p> + +<div class='center'> +'<span class="smcap">Faithful Industry!</span>'"<br /> +</div> + +<p>As the goblin spoke these words, +he suddenly began to change his form,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span> +and grew taller and broader. His bell-button +thimbles fell off, his flat nose +became long and sharp, his thread +hair gave place to a bald pate, and +his whole appearance became wonderfully +like Bartlemy's master. He +raised his yardstick, brought it down +with a tremendous crack—and—Bartlemy +<span class="smcap">woke</span>!</p> + +<p>Yes! he was lying under the tree +where he had thrown himself down +the night before. The whole of what +had passed, Gold Stone, money, goblin, +and all, was but the fantastic tracery +of a dream; and above him really +stood his master, who had repented +of having turned away his luckless +'prentice, and had come to seek him.</p> + +<p>The lesson was not lost, however,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span> +on our hero. He returned to his master's +shop, where he worked diligently, +without any yardstick coming after +him; and in three years' time rose to +be a master tailor, married his old +master's daughter, cut the coats of the +king himself, and took for his arms a +Gold Stone, supported by two shears, +and the motto:</p> + +<div class='center'> +<span class="smcap">Faithful Industry</span>.<br /><br /></div> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_1" id="Footnote_A_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_1"><span class="label">[A]</span></a> A shop-board is a kind of table on which tailors +sit when at work.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span></p> + +<h2>THE PHILOSOPHERS' TOUR.</h2> + + +<p><span class="smcap">There</span> were once five learned men, +who had been shut up all their lives in +their studies, poking their noses into +saucepans full of cookeries, which did +not resemble savory soups or well-flavored +ragouts, wearing their eyes out +with reading books printed in the +crabbedest black letter possible, and +shrivelling up their brains with thinking, +until they quite rattled inside +their skulls, all in pursuit of out-o'-the-way knowledge.</p> + +<p>There was really nothing scientific<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span> +with which they were not acquainted; +while, in the mean time, one or two +little things, perfectly familiar to people +who use their eyes for the purpose +of noticing the common occurrences +and habits of every-day existence, and +exercise their understanding in everything +that can make life comfortable +and agreeable, had entirely escaped the +observation of our philosophers.</p> + +<p>As the emperor allowed them each +a handsome pension to advance the +interests of science, they went on with +their discoveries rejoicing, and for a +long time had never stirred from their +apartments in one of His Majesty's +country palaces. They scarcely left +off thinking, when they were asleep; +never had the least idea what they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span> +were eating for dinner, or even what +the materials of that dinner looked +like; and, in short, were sublimely unconscious +of any of the ordinary affairs +or interests of life; and thought only +of sciences, and high-flown theories of +Health, of Natural Philosophy, Chemistry, +Botany, and goodness knows +what beside. The fifth and last of the +learned men was supposed to consider +silence as an art or science, since he +hardly ever said anything; and for +that reason was thought to be wiser +than the other four put together.</p> + +<p>At last, one fine morning, one of +our learned men chanced to poke his +head out of the window, to see what +on earth had become of one of his +glass retorts, which he had filled with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span> +gas until it went off like a rocket; and +could not help being struck with the +blue sky, the fresh green herbage, +and the thousands of beautiful wild +flowers that sprinkled the grass. It +was a charming summer day; the birds +had not yet left off singing, and the +fresh breeze, fanning the bald forehead +of the philosopher, appeared +wonderfully pleasant.</p> + +<p>"Why, bless me!" cried the philosopher, +whose name was Dr. Skihi; +"while I have been trying to reduce +chemistry to the uses of a penny post, +I never thought of remarking whether +it was a pleasant day or not. How +bright and beautiful everything looks! +Out-of-doors is a very good sort of +thing, after all. I declare, I've a great<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span> +mind—pooh! nonsense; science—glorious +science, is a great deal more to +be regarded than a fine day in the +country."</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 355px;"> +<img src="images/i006.jpg" width="355" height="500" alt="DR. MUMBUDGET LOOKING OUT OF THE WINDOW." title="" /> +<span class="caption">DR. MUMBUDGET LOOKING OUT OF THE WINDOW.</span> +</div> + +<p>So saying, he drew his head in +again, and turned to his books and +saucepans; for, you see, he was trying +to condense gas, and make it dart +through the air like a skyrocket, carrying +a letter, or a telegraphic message, +or even a traveller with it, if it +was made strong enough; but, so far, +he had only succeeded in breaking his +retorts, and blowing himself up till his +head came bump against the ceiling, +and knocked off little bits of plaster. +Everything in the study looked remarkably +dingy after the freshness of +the fields, and the doctor could not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span> +refrain from taking another peep. +This time, the contrast appeared even +greater than before, while directly underneath +his window there now stood +two pretty little girls, one holding a +great bunch of roses and other blooming +flowers, and both intent on a long +leaf of manuscript, which they were +puzzling and laughing over, calling it +"such a silly thing!" Our doctor, to +his great dudgeon, recognized it as +part of a learned treatise, his own +production, which had accidentally +blown out of the window; but, as to be +known as the writer of silly things is +not specially dignified, he preferred +saying nothing about the matter.</p> + +<p>"I have a great mind," he said +again; "yes, I'll go and ask Dr.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span> +Sheepshanks if he does not think it +would be a good plan for us to take a +short trip into the country. No doubt +we should make some very important +discoveries."</p> + +<p>Excusing the idea to himself in this +way, Dr. Skihi toddled up one pair of +stairs and down two pair of stairs, and +straight along a crooked corridor, and +all round a square hall, until he arrived +at the apartments of Dr. Sheepshanks. +He knocked at the door, and peeped +through the keyhole until he was told +to come in, when he opened the door +softly, and shut it with an astonished +bang, that made all the spiders, who +were dancing hornpipes in all the corners +(for the learned men would have +died rather than have their sacred<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span> +studies disturbed by a house-cleaning) +stand on one leg for several minutes +with surprise, as a noise in the philosophers' +palace was a thing rather +more seldom met with than a crononhotonthologos.</p> + +<p>The sight that caused Dr. Skihi to +commit such a breach of good manners +was Dr. Sheepshanks in the very +middle of a summersault! with his +flowered dressing gown about his ears +and his spindle shanks and black +stockings in the air, looking not unlike +a two-legged radish growing upside +down.</p> + +<p>To him rushed Dr. Skihi, who, +catching his friend by the tails of his +dressing gown, had him right side up +in a hurry, exclaiming, "Crucibles and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span> +gasbags! my good sir, have you gone +crazy?"</p> + +<p>"No, indeed," returned Dr. Sheepshanks, +with a gleeful laugh. "I have +made a discovery, sir—a great discovery. +I happened to look out of the +window, a moment ago, and I saw a +couple of little chaps racing up and +down, and playing at that topsy-turvy +game you saw me trying just now. +Their cheeks were so fat, and their +frames so sturdy, that I feel convinced +such exercises are the best promoters +of health in the world; and as I am +getting rather broken down myself, +while I am finding out what is the +best way for other people to keep +healthy, I thought I would try the +experiment. It does make the blood<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span> +rush to the head somewhat, I must +confess; but it's a glorious thing, you +may depend! I feel twenty years +younger and better already, I assure +you!"</p> + +<p>All this time Dr. Sheepshanks was +puffing and panting, with a very red +face and astonished air; but the new +theory had taken possession of him, +and he would have died at the stake +rather than allow that turning summersaults +was not the exercise best +adapted to old gentlemen of sixty.</p> + +<p>Finding his friend so prepossessed +in favor of exercise, Dr. Skihi proposed +to him that they should go and +take a walk, to which he readily +agreed. Then they went to Dr. Smelfungus, +the great botanist, who was at<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span> +present trying to graft japonicas on +bramble bushes: "It would improve +the appearance of the roadside so +much!" and Dr. Van Noostile, who +was writing a splendid work, in twenty-five +volumes, to prove that people's +feeling hot and cold was perfect fancy +and nonsense; and also giving a number +of scientific ways of finding out +whether it would rain or be clear, +and what time o' day it was, without +looking to see if the wind were east, +or running to stare at a clock; which, +no doubt, would be of the greatest use +to the world, and leave all the weathercocks +and watchmakers quite in the +shade. Last of all, they came to Dr. +Mumbudget, who had on his study +door the great doorplate you see in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span> +the picture, with his name engraved +on it in letters six inches long. As +usual, he said not a word in reply +to the invitation of his friends, but +nodded his head at them instead, until +he nearly nodded it off; and so, being +all of one mind, our philosophers +locked up their studies, put on their +five-cornered caps, and taking their +gold-headed canes and their note +books, to be ready to put down any +new fact that might turn up, started +off for a country ramble.</p> + +<p>At first they walked along quietly +enough, admiring the prospect, and +enjoying the fresh air; but after a few +moments, Dr. Sheepshanks could no +longer resist the desire to put his new +theory of health into practice.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Really," he began, "it would be +much better for us always to pursue +our studies in the open air. Science +teaches us that the most healthy people +are the wild Indians—those children +of nature, who live under the +trees, dine off fresh fruits, and take +plenty of exercise. Let us be children +of nature, my friends, and improve +our health by running to that tree," +pointing to one at some distance.</p> + +<p>Accordingly, the philosopher started +off at an amble, followed by his +companions, who, with dressing gowns +flying in the wind, and books flying, +out of their pockets every minute, +presented rather ridiculous spectacles. +They were so deeply engaged that +they did not see Dr. Mumbudget<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span> +quietly walking along behind, picking +up their scattered property.</p> + +<p>So far so good; but unhappily, +not being accustomed to the habits of +children of nature, this sudden introduction +to the true mode of life discomposed +our learned doctors in no +small degree. Fairly aching from +head to foot with fatigue, Dr. Sheepshanks +was the first to pause, so out of +breath that he could hardly speak, yet +exclaiming, with a beaming face, "Ah! +you may depend, gentlemen, that the +only way to enjoy life is to take plenty +of exercise!"</p> + +<p>This was drawing rather too hard +on the patience of his friends, after +what they had just endured, and Dr. +Skihi exclaimed, rather crossly, "At<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span> +the same time, your exercise is a famous +thing to make one thirsty! I +would give a great deal to obtain a +drink of spring water; but that is impossible +at present."</p> + +<p>"Impossible! why, there is nothing +easier!" said Dr. Smelfungus. "Science +teaches us that some vegetables +are nearly all water; turnips, for instance. +All you have to do is to get +a turnip and express the juice, and +there's your drink of water."</p> + +<p>"How about going to a well?" +said Mumbudget; but nobody appeared +to hear him.</p> + +<p>"And pray, are there any turnips +hereabout?" asked the chemist, impatiently.</p> + +<p>Now, the fact was that Dr. Smelfungus<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span> +had never seen a turnip; he +had only read in books that turnips +were round, watery vegetables, yellow +outside and full of juice; for he was +so interested in finding out all about +flowers and plants that came from +Australia, and other out of the way +places, that he never troubled his head +with common, homemade turnips—those +were too vulgar; but as he +wished to appear informed on all subjects, +he pointed hap-hazard to a field +beside the road saying, carelessly, +"Certainly; there are some."</p> + +<p>Now, what do you think Dr. Smelfungus +had really pointed out? Why, +a musk-melon patch! and as his companions +knew no more than himself, +Dr. Skihi scrambled through the hedge<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span> +without more ado, cut with his penknife +as many as he could carry, and +returned to his friends. You may believe +how they enjoyed the feast, sitting +on the soft moss, in the cool shade +of the trees; and after they were +through, Dr. Smelfungus gravely +wrote down, "Turnip—a large, round +vegetable growing on vines, with a +rough, yellow outside, ever so many +seeds in the middle, and tastes of nutmegs!"</p> + +<p>After these exploits, the philosophers +continued on their way, and Drs. +Smelfungus and Sheepshanks felt more +proud of their learning than ever. +Meanwhile Dr. Mumbudget said nothing; +so they gave him credit either for +thinking a great deal, or being too big<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span> +a donkey to admire such splendid experiments.</p> + +<p>The sun had now mounted high, +and our travellers began to feel its +rays inconveniently warm. Dr. Van +Noostile, however, laughed them all to +scorn.</p> + +<p>"Too warm! fiddlestick's end!" he +cried. "This feeling warm and cold +is all humbug. Dr. Skihi can tell you +that I went to the top of the house +with him every night for a week, last +winter, to look at a comet, in nothing +but a night gown and an umbrella, +and I never was better in my life! +Other people might have felt cold, or +caught cold; but I—I enjoyed the science +of the thing! If you feel too +warm, follow my plan; make up your<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span> +minds you <i>won't</i> feel so, and the thing's +done!" and Dr. Van Noostile marched +proudly along in the hottest part of +the road, with his nose in the air, +though the sun blistered the end most +abominably! while the others, not to +be behindhand in wisdom, followed his +example; all but Mumbudget, who +kept in the shade of the trees growing +beside the road, and was secretly +voted a greater donkey than ever.</p> + +<p>Fortunately for the rest, who might +otherwise have been sunstruck, a +friendly cloud bank, which had been +for some time gathering in the east, +now began to cover the sky completely; +and Dr. Mumbudget, speaking for +the second time, just said, "Rain coming; +better hurry on," and then relapsed +into silence.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Rain! no such thing!" cried Dr. +Van Noostile. "When it is about to +rain, you will observe <i>that the swallows +fly low!</i> and as I don't see a +sign of a swallow, you may depend +that——" His speech was interrupted +by a thunderclap, and then down +poured the flood! in one of those sudden, +heavy showers that so often take +place in summer, wetting the whole +party to the skin in less than two minutes. +It was of no use to run, and as +they plodded along in the wet, our +philosophers looked at Dr. Van Noostile +with faces in which anger and dismay +were equally mingled.</p> + +<p>"Is this your knowledge of weather?" +exclaimed Dr. Skihi, in a pet.</p> + +<p>"Science teaches us that even a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span> +child of nature should go in when it +rains!" snapped Dr. Sheepshanks.</p> + +<p>"And though water is undoubtedly +necessary for internal refreshment; external +application, in the form of a +hard shower, is only suitable to plants!" +snarled Dr. Smelfungus.</p> + +<p>In short, they all set upon the luckless +weather prophet, except Dr. Mumbudget, +who, when they had all scolded +themselves out of breath, quietly +pointed out a farm house they were +now approaching, and led the way +thither himself.</p> + +<p>There was no need for words. +Gladly did the wretched philosophers +hasten to its shelter, and avail themselves +of the bright kitchen fire to dry +their flowered dressing gowns, and wet<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span> +stockings and shoes. While they were +drying, and steaming like the safety +valve of a high-pressure steamboat, +the good woman of the house, not +without some doubts of their sanity, +set about preparing a savory meal. In +a short time this was ready, and the +others were just sitting down to a dish +of nice broiled ham and some light +wheaten biscuits, when Dr. Sheepshanks +exclaimed, with an air of +amazement, "Is it possible, my friends, +that you are willing to violate the +natural laws of health by eating dishes +at which a child of nature would be +horrified! Not for me be so degenerate +a meal! <i>I</i> shall lunch on fare such +as a wild Indian best loves!" So saying, +he tucked up his sleeves, called<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span> +for some unground corn, and having +pounded it in a mortar until it was in +coarse bits, he mixed with it a little +water, and baked this horrible mess +before the fire, in the hot ashes. Then +he asked for a slice of bacon, as venison +was not at hand, frizzled the out +side slightly by holding it up on a cleft +stick before the fire, burning his ten +fingers several times in the process, +and bearing it with heroic fortitude. +Finally, he served up these atrocious +specimens of cookery on pieces of +board instead of dishes, as the proper +diet for children of nature—and philosophers!</p> + +<p>As he could not induce the other +<i>savants</i> to prefer the luncheon of wild +Indians to that of civilized Christians,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span> +Dr. Sheepshanks ate it all up himself, +though, in fact, his rebellious palate +steadily refused to relish the dainties prepared +for it. Science must be made to +triumph, however, and the little doctor +gallantly charged these "What is It's" +of cookery and finished the last morsel +under furious protest of stomach.</p> + +<p>Somewhat comforted by the meal, +and seeing that the clouds had given +place to a clear sky, the philosophers +resumed their dressing gowns, woefully +shrunken by the wetting and drying +they had received, and having liberally +paid their hostess, started on the +homeward road; concluding that they +had seen enough for one day. They +were in the very poorest condition for +a long walk, for their theories, so far<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span> +from making them any happier, had +produced only ill effects. Dr. Sheepshanks' +healthful exercise had given +them all stitches in the sides, and aches +in the back; Dr. Smelfungus's knowledge +of botany had betrayed them +into such excesses of melon alias turnip +eating, that various queer doublings +up in the epigastric region began +to make themselves apparent; the +natural philosophy, which had led Dr. +Van Noostile and his good friends to +parade along the middle of the road +in the sun, had given them furious +headaches; and, to crown all, Dr. Skihi +now made the most brilliant proposal +of anybody.</p> + +<p>Our good doctor was evidently +brimming, one might say creaming,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span> +over with the milk of human kindness; +beyond a possible doubt he was about +to propound a discovery of benefit to +the whole world. His bald head +beamed benevolence, overflowing beneficence +to all mankind radiated from +the very tails of his dressing gown as +he cried:</p> + +<p>"My dear friends, you are all too +tired to walk home now, ain't you? +You would like to get there before +you could say 'Jack Robinson'—now, +wouldn't you? and if I were to accomplish +that happy end, you could never +be grateful enough—now, could you?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly not!" exclaimed the +advocate of exercise, who wished from +his inmost soul, either that he had +taken less turnip, or that the famous<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span> +seven league boots were on his legs at +that moment.</p> + +<p>"Then all you have to do," cried +Dr. Skihi with sparkling eyes, "is to get +in a convenient posture; allow me to +set off this retort of mine behind +you—" here he produced a "glass +concern" from a side pocket, to the +horror of his friends—"and heigh, +presto! you will find yourself flying +home like a skyrocket"—</p> + +<p>"And coming down like the +stick!" gasped Dr. Smelfungus, retiring +in a hurry, for the tails of his +dressing gown and the gas retort of +Dr. Skihi were in inconvenient proximity.</p> + +<p>Dr. Skihi vouchsafed not another +word, but with an air of indescribable<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span> +dignity adjusted the retort, took out +a cork—and—but words fail me to +describe the catastrophe! Before Dr. +Mumbudget could rush forward to +prevent it, the gas had come in contact +with the air, become inflamed instantly, +and sent Dr. Skihi whirling +above the heads of his friends!</p> + +<p>Vesuvius in eruption, coal mines on +fire, mad bulls in the full rush, and +crackers exploding in a barrel, rushed +wildly through the heads of our philosophers, +and when, finally, the rocket-riding +doctor was discharged on a +hayrick, the only person who retained +sufficient presence of mind to go and +pick him up was Mumbudget.</p> + +<p>Poor Dr. Skihi! The victim to science +remained insensible for some<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span> +time; and when he finally recovered +his consciousness, could not at first be +persuaded that he was not in innumerable +pieces. When he was, at last, +enabled to walk on, it was discovered +that while they were experimenting +they had lost their way, and might be +close to home or in the middle of +Kamtschatka for all they knew of the +road. It was again Mumbudget who +helped them out of this difficulty, by +speaking for the third time that day; +and this third remark of the sage was +as much to the point as the two first. +"Ask somebody!" propounded Mumbudget, +and after hobbling miserably +along for some time, this somebody +turned up in the person of a very +small, ragged, dirty urchin; and under<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span> +the guidance of this contemptible +little snipe did our prodigies of wisdom +arrive at last at the abode of +Science and Knowledge!</p> + +<p>As they entered the hall, Dr. Smelfungus, +with an admiring glance at the +speechless Mumbudget, exclaimed, +"After all, gentlemen, there must be +a science far higher than ours, since +we, with all our knowledge, find practical +life a matter of such difficulty. +Only one man, it appears, is master of +it, and there he stands!" and he made +a low bow to Mumbudget, who returned +it by another, without a word +of reply.</p> + +<p>Dr. Skihi, at this, glanced with +profound contempt at Smelfungus, and +gave a "hum!" that was echoed by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span> +the professor of health and him of +natural science; then raising himself +on the tips of his toes, and seesawing +up and down at every word, he inquired, +superciliously, "And pray, sir, +may I ask, in the name of my scientific +friends, what branch of science +you profess, which is superior to every +other?"</p> + +<p>Mumbudget looked with a quiet +smile at the excited little doctor, and +replied, calmly:</p> + +<p>"Gentlemen, I am the professor of +<span class="smcap">Common Sense</span>."</p> + +<p>At this reply, the learned friends, +Smelfungus not excepted, presented +a series of remarkably open countenances, +as respected eyes and mouths, +while Dr. Mumbudget went on:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Chemistry, Botany, Natural Philosophy, +and Hygienics—all put together, +gentlemen, have failed to ensure us +one day of rational enjoyment or ease; +for all these sciences are pure absurdities, +unless they are put in the hands +of men who are governed by the +wholesome dictates of common sense. +My wise philosophers, will you come +to school to me?"</p> + +<p>The doctors gazed a moment yet; +first at the proposer of this new doctrine, +then at each other; and then, +all rushing forward at once, they seized +his hands.</p> + +<p>"You are right, my dear Mumbudget!" +they exclaimed in a breath; +"with all our science we are most +greatly in want of common sense!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span> +Open your school at once; we will be +the first to join its classes, and celebrate +the triumph of Reason over +Philosophy!"</p> + + +<div class='center'><br /><br /> +THE END OF THE FIFTH BOOK.<br /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class='tnote'><h3>Transcriber's Notes:</h3> +<p>Obvious punctuation errors repaired.</p> +<p>The remaining correction made is indicated by a dotted line under the correction. Scroll the mouse over the word and the original text will <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'apprear'">appear</ins>.</p></div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Funny Big Socks, by Sarah L. 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