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+The Project Gutenberg eBook of Hepsey Burke, by Frank Noyes Westcott,
+Illustrated by Frederick R. Gruger
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: Hepsey Burke
+
+
+Author: Frank Noyes Westcott
+
+
+
+Release Date: April 6, 2009  [eBook #28517]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HEPSEY BURKE***
+
+
+E-text prepared by Roger Frank and the Project Gutenberg Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team (https://www.pgdp.net)
+
+
+
+Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this
+      file which includes the original illustrations.
+      See 28517-h.htm or 28517-h.zip:
+      (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/8/5/1/28517/28517-h/28517-h.htm)
+      or
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+
+
+
+
+
+HEPSEY BURKE
+
+by
+
+FRANK N. WESTCOTT
+
+Illustrated by Frederick R. Gruger
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING THAT LOOKED LIKE A PARSON, HAVE
+YOU? YOU CAN GENERALLY SPOT 'EM EVERY TIME"]
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+New York
+The H. K. Fly Company
+Publishers
+
+Copyright, 1915, by
+The H. K. Fly Company.
+
+Copyright, 1915, by
+The Red Book Corporation.
+
+Copyright, 1914, by
+The Red Book Corporation.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+ CHAPTER                                                          PAGE
+       I Hepsey Burke                                               11
+      II Gossip                                                     25
+     III The Senior Warden                                          36
+      IV Milking                                                    52
+       V The Miniature                                              59
+      VI The Missionary Tea                                         71
+     VII Hepsey Goes A-Fishing                                      85
+    VIII An Icebox for Cherubim                                     96
+      IX The Rectory                                               111
+       X The Bride's Arrival                                       122
+      XI Virginia's High Horse                                     130
+     XII House Cleaning and Bachelorhood                           137
+    XIII The Circus                                                147
+     XIV On the Side Porch                                         160
+      XV Nickey's Social Ambitions                                 170
+     XVI Practical Temperance Reform                               186
+    XVII Notice to Quit                                            200
+   XVIII The New Rectory                                           212
+     XIX Couleur de Rose                                           224
+      XX Muscular Christianity                                     238
+     XXI Uninvited Guests                                          253
+    XXII Hepsey's Diplomacy                                        271
+   XXIII Hepsey Calls a Meeting                                    283
+    XXIV Omnium Gatherum                                           308
+
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS.
+
+                                                                  PAGE
+
+ "You haven't seen anything that looked like a parson,
+ have you? You can generally spot 'em every time"         Frontispiece
+
+ "I'm blessed if you 'aint sewin' white buttons on with
+ black thread. Is anybody dead in the family, or 'aint
+ you feelin' well this mornin'?"                                    62
+
+ "Nicholas Burke, what in the name of conscience does
+ all this idiotic performance mean, I'd like to know?"              80
+
+ "Oh well, I always believe that two young married
+ people should start out by themselves, and then if they
+ get into a family row it won't scandalize the parish"             126
+
+ "I 'aint a chicken no more, Mrs. Betty, and I've 'most
+ forgot how to do a bit of courtin'"                               140
+
+ "I consider it a shame and a disgrace to the parish to
+ have our rector in filthy clothes, drawing stone with a
+ lot of ruffians"                                                  248
+
+ "I've got a hunch, Sylvester Bascom, that it'll be you
+ that'll have the last word, after all"                            280
+
+ "Hepsey Burke, for all your molasses and the little bit
+ of vinegar you say you keep by you, 'There are no flies
+ on you' as Nickey would put it"                                   308
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER I
+
+HEPSEY BURKE
+
+
+The noisy, loose-jointed train pulled out of the station, leaving
+behind it a solitary young man, enveloped in smoke and cinders. In the
+middle of the platform stood a little building with a curb roof,
+pointed at both ends like a Noah's Ark; and the visitor felt that if
+he could only manage to lift up one side of the roof he would find the
+animals "two by two," together with the cylindrical Noah and the rest
+of his family. There was no one in sight but the station-master, who
+called out from the ticket office:
+
+"Did you want to go to the village? The 'bus won't be down till the
+next train: but maybe you can ride up on the ice wagon."
+
+"Thanks," the stranger replied. "I think I'll wait for the 'bus, if
+it's not too long."
+
+"Twenty minutes or so, if Sam don't have to collect the passengers
+goin' West, and wait for a lot o' women that forget their handbags and
+have to get out and go back after 'em."
+
+The new arrival was good to look at--a handsome, well-built fellow of
+about twenty-five, dressed in a gray suit which was non-committal as
+to his profession, with a clean-shaven face which bore the
+unmistakable stamp of good breeding and unlimited good-nature. He
+tilted his suit-case on end and sat down on it; then he filled his
+briar pipe, crossed his legs, and looked about to take stock of the
+situation. He gazed about curiously; but there was nothing of any
+special interest in sight, except, painfully conspicuous on the face
+of a grass terrace, the name of the village picked out in large
+letters composed of oyster-shells and the bottoms of protruding beer
+bottles stuck in the ground. The stranger found himself wondering
+where a sufficient number of bottles could be found to complete such
+an elaborate pattern. The only other marked feature of the landscape
+in the way of artistic decoration was the corrugated base of an old
+stove, painted white, which served as a flower vase. From this grew a
+huge bunch of scarlet geraniums, staring defiantly, and seeming fairly
+to sizzle in the hot, vibrant atmosphere, which was as still as the
+calm of a moon-lit night.
+
+As the man on the suit-case gazed about him at the general air of
+dilapidation and neglect characteristic of a country town on the down
+grade, and recalled the congenial life of the city which he had left,
+with all its busy competition, with all its absorbing activities, the
+companionship of the men he loved, and the restful, inspiring intimacy
+with a certain young woman, he felt, for the moment, a pang of
+homesickness. If the station were a sample of the village itself, then
+life in such a place must be deadening to every finer sensibility and
+ambition; it must throw a man back on himself and make him morbid.
+
+The momentary depression was relieved by the station-master, who
+suddenly appeared at the door of the Ark and called out:
+
+"Here comes Hepsey Burke. Maybe she'll take you up; that'll be a dum
+sight more comfortable than Lipkin's 'bus."
+
+There was nothing to be seen but a cloud of dust, advancing with the
+rapidity of a whirlwind along the highway, from which there gradually
+emerged a team and a "democrat," containing a woman, a boy about
+fourteen, and a middle-aged man.
+
+As the turn-out drew up, the man took the reins from Mrs. Burke, who
+jumped out of the wagon with remarkable agility for one of her size
+and years, and, nodding to the station-master, came on to the
+platform.
+
+Hepsey Burke was rather stout; and the lines from her nose to the
+corners of her mouth, and the wisps of gray hair which had blown about
+her face, indicated that she had passed the meridian of life. At first
+glance there was nothing striking about her appearance; but there was
+a subtle expression about the mouth, a twinkle about the large gray
+eyes behind the glasses she wore, that indicated a sense of humor
+which had probably been a God-send to her. She was strong and well,
+and carried with her an air of indomitable conviction that things
+worked themselves out all right in the long run.
+
+The boy was obviously her son, and in spite of his overalls and frayed
+straw hat, he was a handsome little chap. He looked at you shyly from
+under a crop of curly hair, with half closed eyes, giving you the
+impression that you were being "sized up" by a very discriminating
+individual; and when he smiled, as he did frequently, he revealed a
+set of very white and perfect teeth. When he was silent, there was a
+little lifting of the inner brow which gave him a thoughtful look
+quite beyond his years; and you were sadly mistaken if you imagined
+that you could form a correct impression of Nicholas Burke at the
+first interview.
+
+The man wore a sandy beard, but no mustache, and had a downcast,
+meekly submissive air, probably the depressing effect of many years of
+severe domestic discipline.
+
+Mrs. Burke was evidently surprised to find no one there but the man on
+the suit-case; but as he rose and lifted his hat, she hesitated a
+moment, exclaiming:
+
+"I beg pardon, but I was lookin' for a parson who was to arrive on
+this train. You haven't seen anything that looked like a parson, have
+you? You can generally spot 'em every time."
+
+The young man smiled.
+
+"Well, no; I seem to be the only passenger who got off the train; and
+though I'm a clergyman, you don't seem to find it easy to 'spot' me."
+
+Mrs. Burke, with a characteristic gesture, pulled her glasses forward
+with a jerk and settled them firmly back again on the bridge of her
+nose. She surveyed the speaker critically as she questioned:
+
+"But you don't seem to show the usual symptoms--collar buttoned
+behind, and all that."
+
+"I am sorry to disappoint you, Madam, but I never travel in clerical
+uniform. Can't afford it."
+
+"Well, you've got more sense than most parsons, if I may say so. Maybe
+you're the one I'm lookin' for: Mr. Donald Maxwell."
+
+"That is my name, and I am sure you must be Mrs. Burke."
+
+"Sure thing!"--shaking his outstretched hand heartily. "Now you come
+right along with me, Mr. Maxwell, and get into the democrat and make
+yourself comfortable." They walked round to the front of the station.
+"This, Mr. Maxwell, is Jonathan Jackson, the Junior Warden; and this
+is my son Nicholas, generally known as Nickey, except when I am about
+to spank him. Say, Jonathan, you just h'ist that trunk into the back
+of the wagon, and Nickey, you take the parson's suit-case."
+
+The Junior Warden grinned good-naturedly as he shook hands with the
+new arrival. But Hepsey continued briskly: "Now, Jonathan, you get
+into the back seat with Nickey, and Mr. Maxwell, you sit with me on
+the front seat so that I can talk to you. Jonathan means well, but his
+talk's limited to crops and symptoms, even if he is an old friend, my
+next door neighbor, and the Junior Warden."
+
+Jonathan obeyed orders; and, as he got into the wagon, winked at
+Maxwell and remarked:
+
+"You see we have to take a back seat when Hepsey drives; and we have
+to hold on with both hands. She's a pacer."
+
+"Don't you let him frighten you, Mr. Maxwell," Hepsey replied.
+"Jonathan would probably hold on with both hands if he lay flat on his
+back in a ten-acre lot. He's just that fearless and enterprisin'."
+
+Then, starting the horses with a cluck, she turned to Maxwell and
+continued:
+
+"I guess I didn't tell you I was glad to see you; but I am. I got your
+note tellin' me when you were comin', but I didn't get down to the
+station in time, as the men are killin' hogs to-day, and until I get
+the in'ards off my hands, I haven't time for anything."
+
+"I am sorry to have put you to the trouble of coming at all. I'm sure
+it's very good of you."
+
+"No trouble; not the least. I generally look after the visitin'
+parsons, and I'm quite used to it. You can get used to 'most
+anything."
+
+Maxwell laughed as he responded:
+
+"You speak as if it weren't always a pleasure, Mrs. Burke."
+
+"Well, I must admit that there are parsons and parsons. They are
+pretty much of a lottery, and it is generally my luck to draw blanks.
+But don't you worry about that; you don't look a bit like a parson."
+
+"I think that's a rather doubtful compliment."
+
+"Oh, well, you know what I mean. There are three kinds of people in
+the world; men, women, and parsons; and I like a parson who is a man
+first, and a parson afterwards; not one who is a parson first, and a
+man two weeks Tuesday come Michaelmas."
+
+Donald laughed: he felt sure he was going to make friends with this
+shrewd yet open-hearted member of his flock. The pace slackened as the
+road began a steep ascent. Mrs. Burke let the horses walk up the hill,
+the slackened reins held in one hand; in the other lolled the whip,
+which now and then she raised, tightening her grasp upon it as if for
+use, on second thoughts dropping it to idleness again and clucking to
+the horses instead. It was typical of her character--the means of
+chastisement held handy, but in reserve, and usually displaced by
+other methods of suasion.
+
+As they turned down over the brow of the hill they drove rapidly, and
+as the splendid landscape of rolling country, tilled fields and
+pasture, stretching on to distant wooded mountains, spread out before
+him, Maxwell exclaimed enthusiastically, drawing a deep breath of the
+exhilarating air:
+
+"How beautiful it is up here! You must have a delightful climate."
+
+"Well," she replied, "I don't know as we have much climate to speak
+of. We have just a job lot of weather, and we take it regular--once
+after each meal, once before goin' to bed, and repeat if necessary
+before mornin'. I won't say but it's pretty good medicine, at that.
+There'd be no show for the doctor, if it wasn't fashionable to invite
+him in at the beginnin' and the end of things."
+
+Jonathan, who up to this time had been silent, felt it incumbent to
+break into the conversation a bit, and interposed:
+
+"I suppose you've never been up in these parts before?"
+
+"No," Maxwell responded; "but I've always intended to come up during
+the season for a little hunting some time. Was there much sport last
+year?"
+
+"Well, I can't say as there was, and I can't say _as_ there wasn't.
+The most I recollect was that two city fellers shot a guide and
+another feller. But then it was a poor season last fall, anyway."
+
+Maxwell gave the Junior Warden a quick look, but there was not a trace
+of a smile on his face, and Hepsey chuckled. Keeping her eyes on the
+horses as they trotted along at a smart pace over a road none too
+smooth for comfortable riding, she remarked casually:
+
+"I suppose the Bishop told you what we wanted in the shape of a
+parson, didn't he?"
+
+"Well, he hinted a few things."
+
+"Yes; we're awful modest, like most country parishes that don't pay
+their rector more than enough to get his collars laundered. We want a
+man who can preach like the Archbishop of Canterbury, and call on
+everybody twice a week, and know just when anyone is sick without
+bein' told a word about it. He's got to be an awful good mixer, to
+draw the young people like a porous plaster, and fill the pews. He
+must have lots of sociables, and fairs, and things to take the place
+of religion; and he must dress well, and live like a gentleman on the
+salary of a book-agent. But if he brings city ways along with him and
+makes us feel like hayseeds, he won't be popular."
+
+"That's a rather large contract!" Maxwell replied with a smile.
+
+"Yes, but think what we're goin' to pay you: six hundred dollars a
+year, and you'll have to raise most of it yourself, just for the fun
+of it."
+
+At this point the Junior Warden interrupted:
+
+"Now, Hepsey, what's the use of upsettin' the young man at the start.
+He's----"
+
+"Never mind, Jonathan. I'm tellin' the truth, anyway. You see," she
+continued, "most people think piety's at a low ebb unless we're
+gettin' up some kind of a holy show all the time, to bring people
+together that wouldn't meet anywhere else if they saw each other
+first. Then when they've bought a chance on a pieced bed-quilt, or
+paid for chicken-pie at a church supper, they go home feelin' real
+religious, believin' that if there's any obligation between them and
+heaven, it isn't on their side, anyway. Do you think you're goin' to
+fill the bill, Mr. Maxwell?"
+
+"Well, I don't know," said Maxwell. "Of course I might find myself
+possessed of a talent for inventing new and original entertainments
+each week; but I'm afraid that you're a bit pessimistic, Mrs. Burke,
+aren't you?"
+
+"No, I'm not. There's a mighty fine side to life in a country parish
+sometimes, where the right sort of a man is in charge. The people take
+him as one of their family, you know, and borrow eggs of his wife as
+easy as of their next door neighbor. But the young reverends expect
+too much of a country parish, and break their hearts sometimes because
+they can't make us tough old critters all over while you wait. Poor
+things! I'm sorry for the average country parson, and a lot sorrier
+for his wife."
+
+"Well, don't you worry about me; I'm well and strong, and equal to
+anything, I imagine. I don't believe in taking life too seriously;
+it's bad for the nerves and digestion. It will be an entirely new
+experience for me, and I'm sure I shall find the people interesting."
+
+"Yes, but what if they aren't your kind? I suppose you might find
+hippopotamuses interestin' for a while, but that's no reason you
+should like to live with 'em. Anyway, don't mind what people say. They
+aint got nothin' to think about, so they make up by talkin' about it,
+especially when it happens to be a new parson. We've been havin' odds
+and ends of parsons from the remnant counter now for six months or
+more; and that's enough to kill any parish. I believe that if the
+angel Gabriel should preach for us, half the congregation would object
+to the cut of his wings, and the other half to the fit of his halo. We
+call for all the virtues of heaven, and expect to get 'em for
+seven-forty-nine."
+
+"Well--I shall have to look to you and the Wardens to help me out," he
+said. "You must help me run things, until I know the ropes."
+
+"Oh! Bascom will run things for you, if you let him do the runnin',"
+she replied, cracking her whip. "You'll need to get popular first with
+him and his--then you'll have it easy."
+
+Maxwell pondered these local words of wisdom, and recalled the
+Bishop's warning that Bascom, the Senior Warden, had not made life
+easy for his predecessors, and his superior's exhortation to firmness
+and tact, to the end that he, Maxwell, should hold his own, while
+taking his Senior Warden along with him. The Senior Warden was
+evidently a power in the land.
+
+They had driven about a mile and a half when the wagon turned off the
+road, and drew up by a house standing some distance back from it;
+getting down, Mrs. Burke exclaimed:
+
+"Welcome to Thunder Cliff, Mr. Maxwell. Thunder Cliff's the name of
+the place, you know. All the summer visitors in Durford have names for
+their houses; so I thought I'd call my place Thunder Cliff, just to be
+in the style."
+
+Jonathan Jackson, who had kept a discreet silence during Hepsey's
+pointers concerning his colleague, the Senior Warden, interjected:
+
+"There 'aint no cliff, Hepsey, and you know it. I always tell her, Mr.
+Maxwell, 'taint appropriate a bit."
+
+"Jonathan, you 'aint no Englishman, and there's no use pretendin'
+that you are. Some day when I have a couple of hours to myself, I'll
+explain the whole matter to you. There isn't any cliff, and the house
+wants paintin' and looks like thunder. Isn't that reason enough to go
+on with? Now, Mr. Maxwell, you come in and make yourself perfectly at
+home."
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER II
+
+GOSSIP
+
+
+That afternoon Maxwell occupied himself in unpacking his trunks and
+arranging his room. As the finishing touch, he drew out of a leather
+case an exquisite miniature of a beautiful girl, which he placed on
+the mantelpiece, and at which he gazed for a long time with a wistful
+light in his fine gray eyes. Then he threw himself on the lounge, and
+pulling a letter from his inner pocket, read:
+
+"Don't worry about expenses, dear. Six hundred is quite enough for
+two; we shall be passing rich! You must remember that, although I am a
+'college girl,' I am not a helpless, extravagant creature, and I know
+how to economize. I am sure we shall be able to make both ends meet.
+With a small house, rent free, a bit of ground for a vegetable garden,
+and plenty of fresh air, we can accomplish almost anything, and be
+supremely happy together. And then, when you win advancement, as of
+course you will very soon, we shall appreciate the comforts all the
+more from the fact that we were obliged to live the simple life for a
+while.
+
+"You can't possibly imagine how I miss you, sweetheart. Do write as
+soon as possible and tell me all about Durford. If I could just have
+one glimpse of you in your new quarters--but that would only be a
+wretched aggravation; so I keep saying to myself 'Some day, some day,'
+and try to be patient. God bless you and good-by."
+
+                  *       *       *       *       *
+
+Donald folded the letter carefully, kissed it, and tucked it away in
+his pocket. Clasping his hands behind his head, he gazed at the
+ceiling.
+
+"I wonder if I'd better tell Mrs. Burke about Betty. I don't care to
+pass myself off as a free man in a parish like this. And yet, after
+all, it's none of their business at present. I think I'd better wait
+and find out if there's any possibility of making her happy here."
+
+There was a knock at the door.
+
+"Talk of angels," murmured Maxwell, and hurriedly returned the
+miniature to its case before opening the door to Mrs. Burke, who came
+to offer assistance.
+
+"Don't bother to fuss for me," she said as he hastened to remove some
+books and clothes from a chair, so that she might sit down. "I only
+came up for a moment to see if there was anything I could do. Think
+you can make yourself pretty comfortable here? I call this room 'the
+prophet's chamber,' you know, because it's where I always put the
+visitin' parsons."
+
+"They're lucky," he replied. "This room is just delightful with that
+jolly old fireplace, its big dormer windows, and the view over the
+river and the hills beyond: I shall be very comfortable."
+
+"Well, I hope so. You know I don't think any livin'-room is complete
+without a fireplace. Next to an old friend, a bright wood fire's the
+best thing I know to keep one from getting lonesome."
+
+"Yes--that and a good cigar."
+
+"Well, I haven't smoked in some time now," Mrs. Burke replied,
+smiling, "so I can't say. What a lot of things you've got!"
+
+"Yes, more than I thought I had."
+
+"I do love to see a man tryin' to put things to rights. He never knows
+where anything belongs. What an awful lot of books you've got! I
+suppose you're just chuck full of learnin', clean up to your back
+teeth; but we won't any of us know the difference. Most city parsons
+preach about things that are ten miles over the heads of us country
+people. You can't imagine how little thinkin' most of us do up here.
+We're more troubled with potato bugs than we are with doubts; and
+you'll have to learn a lot about us before you really get down to
+business, I guess."
+
+"Yes, I expect to learn more from you than you will from me. That's
+one of the reasons why I wanted to come so far out in the country."
+
+"Hm! I hope you won't be disappointed."
+
+Mrs. Burke adjusted her glasses and gazed interestedly about the room
+at some pictures and decorations which Maxwell had placed in position,
+and inquired:
+
+"Who is the plaster lady and gentleman standin' on the mantelpiece?"
+
+"The Venus de Milo, and the Hermes of Praxiteles."
+
+"Well, you know, I just can't help preferrin' ladies and gentlemen
+with arms and legs, myself. I suppose it's real cultivated to learn to
+like parts of people done in marble. Maybe when I go down to the city
+next fall to buy my trousseau, I'll buy a few plasters myself, to make
+the house look more cheerful-like."
+
+Maxwell caught at the word "trousseau," and as Mrs. Burke had spoken
+quite seriously he asked:
+
+"Are you going to be married, Mrs. Burke?"
+
+"No such thing! But when a handsome young widow like me lives alone,
+frisky and sixty-ish, with six lonesome, awkward widowers in the same
+school district, you can never tell what might happen any minute; 'In
+time of peace prepare for war,' as the paper says."
+
+Maxwell laughed reassuringly.
+
+"I don't see why you laugh," Mrs. Burke responded, chuckling to
+herself. "'Taint polite to look surprised when a woman says she's
+a-goin' to get married. Every woman under ninety-eight has
+expectations. While there's life there's hope that some man will make
+a fool of himself. But unless I miss my guess, you don't catch me
+surrenderin' my independence. As long as I have enough to eat and am
+well, I'm contented."
+
+"You certainly look the picture of health, Mrs. Burke."
+
+"Oh, yes! as well as could be expected, when I'm just recoverin' from
+a visit from Mary Sam."
+
+"What sort of a visitor is that?" asked Maxwell, laughing.
+
+"Mary Sam is my sister-in-law. She spends a month with me every year
+on her own invitation. She is what you'd call a hardy annual. She is
+the most stingy and narrow-minded woman I ever saw. The bark on the
+trees hangs in double box-plaits as compared with Mary Sam. But I got
+the best of her last year. While I was cleanin' the attic I came
+across the red pasteboard sign with 'Scarlet Fever' painted on it,
+that the Board of Health put on the house when Nickey had the fever
+three years ago. The very next day I was watchin' the 'bus comin' up
+Main Street, when I saw Mary Sam's solferino bonnet bobbin' up and
+down inside. Before she got to the house, I sneaked out and pinned up
+the sign, right by the front door. She got onto the piazza, bag,
+baggage, and brown paper bundles, before she caught sight of it. Then
+I wish you could have seen her face: I wouldn't have believed so much
+could be done with so few features."
+
+"She didn't linger long?" laughed the parson, who continued arranging
+his books while his visitor chatted.
+
+"Linger? Well, not exactly. She turned tail and run lickety-spindle
+back for the 'bus as if she had caught sight of a subscription paper
+for foreign missions. I heard Jim Anderson, who drives the 'bus,
+snicker as he helped her in again; but he didn't give me away. Jim and
+I are good friends. But when she got home she wrote to Sally Ramsdale
+to ask how Nickey was; and Sally, not bein' on to the game, wrote back
+that there was nothin' the matter with Nickey that she knew of. Then
+Mary Sam wrote me the impudentest letter I ever got; and she came
+right back, and stayed two months instead of one, just to be mean. But
+that sign's done good service since. I've scared off agents and tramps
+by the score. I always hang it in the parlor window when I'm away from
+home."
+
+"But suppose your house caught fire while you were away?"
+
+"Well, I've thought of that; but there's worse things than fire if
+your insurance is all right."
+
+Mrs. Burke relapsed into silence for a while, until Maxwell opened a
+box of embroidered stoles, which he spread out on the bed for her
+inspection.
+
+"My! but aren't those beautiful! I never saw the like before. Where
+did you get 'em?"
+
+"They were made by the 'Sisters of St. Paul' in Boston."
+
+Hepsey gazed at the stoles a long time in silence, handling them
+daintily; then she remarked:
+
+"I used to embroider some myself. Would you like to see some of it?"
+
+"Certainly, I should be delighted to see it," Donald responded; and
+Mrs. Burke went in search of her work.
+
+Presently she returned and showed Maxwell a sample of her
+skill--doubtless intended for a cushion-cover. To be sure it was a bit
+angular and impressionistic. Like Browning's poems and Turner's
+pictures, it left interesting room for speculation. To begin with,
+there was a dear little pink dog in the foreground, having convulsions
+on purple grass. In the middle-distance was a lay-figure in orange,
+picking scarlet apples from what appeared to be a revolving
+clothes-horse blossoming profusely at the ends of each beam. A little
+blue brook gurgled merrily up the hill, and disappeared down the other
+side only to reappear again as a blue streak in an otherwise
+crushed-strawberry sky. A pumpkin sun was disappearing behind emerald
+hills, shooting up equidistant yellow rays, like the spokes of a
+cart-wheel. Underneath this striking composition was embroidered the
+dubious sentiment "There is no place like home."
+
+Maxwell examined carefully the square of cross-stitch wool embroidery,
+biting his lip; while Hepsey watched him narrowly, chuckling quietly
+to herself. Then she laughed heartily, and asked:
+
+"Confess now; don't you think it's beautiful?"
+
+Donald smiled broadly as he replied:
+
+"It's really quite wonderful. Did you do it yourself?"
+
+"To be sure I did, when I was a little girl and we used to work in
+wool from samplers, and learn to do alphabets. I'm glad you appreciate
+it. If you would like to have me embroider anything for the church,
+don't hesitate to ask me." She busied herself examining the stoles
+again, and asked:
+
+"How much did these things cost, if you don't mind my askin'?"
+
+"I don't know. They were given to me by a friend of mine, when I
+graduated from the Seminary."
+
+"Hm! a friend of yours, eh? She must think an awful lot of you."
+
+Hepsey gave Donald a sharp glance.
+
+"I didn't say it was a lady."
+
+"No, but your eyes and cheeks did. Well, it's none of my business, and
+there's no reason that I know of why the Devil should have all the
+bright colors, and embroideries, and things. Are you High Church?"
+
+Maxwell hesitated a moment and replied:
+
+"What do you mean by 'High Church?'"
+
+"The last rector we had was awful high." Hepsey smiled with
+reminiscent amusement.
+
+"How so?"
+
+"We suspected he didn't wear no pants durin' service."
+
+"How very extraordinary! Is that a symptom of ritualism?"
+
+"Well, you see he wore a cassock under his surplice, and none of our
+parsons had ever done that before. The Senior Warden got real stirred
+up about it, and told Mr. Whittimore that our rectors always wore
+pants durin' service. Mr. Whittimore pulled up his cassock and showed
+the Warden that he had his pants on. The Warden told him it was an
+awful relief to his mind, as he considered goin' without pants durin'
+service the enterin' wedge for Popish tricks; and if things went on
+like that, nobody knew where we would land. Then some of the women got
+talkin', and said that the rector practiced celibacy, and that some
+one should warn him that the parish wouldn't stand for any more
+innovations, and he'd better look out. So one day, Virginia Bascom,
+the Senior Warden's daughter, told him what was being said about him.
+The parson just laughed at Ginty, and said that celibacy was his
+misfortune, not his fault; and that he hoped to overcome it in time.
+That puzzled her some, and she came to me and asked what celibacy was.
+When I told her it was staying unmarried, like St. Paul--my, but
+wasn't she mad, though! You ought to have seen her face. She was so
+mortified that she wouldn't speak to me for a week. Well, I guess I've
+gossiped enough for now. I must go and make my biscuits for supper. If
+I can help you any, just call out."
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER III
+
+THE SENIOR WARDEN
+
+
+"It's a fine morning, Mr. Maxwell," Mrs. Burke remarked at breakfast
+next day, "and I'm goin' to drive down to the village to do some
+shopping. Don't you want to go with me and pay your respects to the
+Senior Warden? You'll find him in his office. Then I'll meet you
+later, and bring you home--dead or alive!"
+
+Maxwell laughed. "That sounds cheerful, but I should be glad to go."
+
+"I guess you better, and have it over with. He'll expect it. He's
+like royalty: he never calls first; and when he's at home he always
+has a flag on a pole in the front yard. If he's out of town for the
+day, his man lowers the flag. I generally call when the flag's down. I
+wish everybody had a flag; it's mighty convenient."
+
+The center of Durford's social, commercial and ecclesiastical life was
+the village green, a plot of ground on which the boys played ball, and
+in the middle of which was the liberty pole and the band-stand. On one
+side of the green was a long block of stores, and on the opposite side
+a row of churches, side by side, five in number. There was the Meeting
+House, in plain gray; "The First Church of Durford," with a Greek
+portico in front; "The Central Church," with a box-like tower and a
+slender steeple with a gilded rooster perched on top--an edifice which
+looked like a cross between a skating rink and a railroad station; and
+last of all, the Episcopal Church on the corner--a small, elongated
+structure, which might have been a carpenter-shop but for the little
+cross which surmounted the front gable, and the pointed tops of the
+narrow windows, which were supposed to be "gothic" and to proclaim the
+structure to be the House of God.
+
+Just around the corner was a little tumble-down house known as "The
+Rectory." The tall grass and the lowered shades indicated that it had
+been unoccupied for some time. Mrs. Burke called Maxwell's attention
+to it.
+
+"I suppose you'll be living there some day--if you stay here long
+enough; though of course you can't keep house there alone. The place
+needs a lot of over-haulin'. Nickey says there's six feet of plaster
+off the parlor ceilin', and the cellar gets full of water when it
+rains; but I guess we can fix it up when the time comes. That's your
+cathedral, on the corner. You see, we have five churches, when we
+really need only one; and so we have to scrap for each other's
+converts, to keep up the interest. We feed 'em on sandwiches, pickles
+and coffee every now and then, to make 'em come to church. Yes,
+preachin' and pickles, sandwiches and salvation, seem to run in the
+same class, these days."
+
+When they arrived in front of the block, Mrs. Burke hitched her horse,
+and left Maxwell to his own devices. He proceeded to hunt up the post
+office; and as the mail was not yet distributed, he had to wait some
+time, conscious of the fact that he was the center of interest to the
+crowd assembled in the room. Finally, when he gained access to the
+delivery window, he was greeted by a smile from the postmistress, a
+woman of uncertain age, who remarked as she handed him his letters:
+
+"Good morning, Mr. Maxwell. Glad to meet you. I'm a Presbyterian
+myself; but I have always made it a point to be nice to everybody. You
+seem to have quite a good many correspondents, and I presume you'll be
+wantin' a lock box. It's so convenient. You must feel lonesome in a
+strange place. Drop in and see mother some day. She's got curvature of
+the spine, but no religious prejudices. She'll be right glad to see
+you, I'm sure, even though she's not 'Piscopal."
+
+Maxwell thanked her, and inquired the way to the Senior Warden's
+office, to which she directed him.
+
+Three doors below the post office was a hallway and a flight of stairs
+leading up to Mr. Bascom's sanctum. As he ascended, Maxwell bethought
+him of the Bishop's hint that this was the main stronghold for the
+exercise of his strategy. The Senior Warden, for some reason or other,
+had persistently quarreled with the clergy, or crossed them. What was
+the secret of his antagonism? Would he be predisposed in Maxwell's
+favor, or prejudiced against him? He would soon discover--and he
+decided to let Bascom do most of the talking. Reaching the first
+landing, Donald knocked on a door the upper panel of which was filled
+with glass, painted white. On the glass in large black letters was
+the name: "SYLVESTER BASCOM."
+
+The Senior Warden sat behind a table, covered with musty books and a
+litter of letters and papers. In his prime he had been a small man;
+and now, well past middle age, he looked as if he had shrunk until he
+was at least five sizes too small for his skin, which was sallow and
+loose. There was a suspicious look in his deep-set eyes, which made
+his hooked nose all the more aggressive. He was bald, except for a few
+stray locks of gray hair which were brushed up from his ears over the
+top of his head, and evidently fastened down by some gluey cosmetic.
+He frowned severely as Maxwell entered, but extended a shriveled, bony
+hand, and pointed to a chair. Then placing the tips of his fingers
+together in front of his chest, he gazed at Donald as if he were the
+prisoner at the bar, and began without any preliminary welcome:
+
+"So you are the young man who is to take charge of the church. It is
+always difficult for a city-bred man to adjust himself to the needs
+and manners of a country parish. Very difficult, Mr. Maxwell--very
+difficult."
+
+Maxwell smiled as he replied:
+
+"Yes, but that is a fault which time will remedy."
+
+"Doubtless. Time has a way of remedying most things. But in the
+meantime--in the meantime, lack of tact, self-assertiveness,
+indiscretion, on the part of a clergyman may do much harm--much
+harm!"
+
+Mr. Maxwell colored slightly as he laughed and replied:
+
+"I should imagine that you have had rather a 'mean time,' from the way
+you speak. Your impressions of the clergy seem to be painful."
+
+"Well," the lawyer continued sententiously, "we have had all sorts and
+conditions of men, as the Prayer Book says; and the result has not
+_always_ been satisfactory--_not_ always satisfactory. But I was not
+consulted."
+
+To this, Maxwell, who was somewhat nettled, replied:
+
+"I suppose that in any case the responsibility for the success of a
+parish must be somewhat divided between the parson and the people. I
+am sure I may count on your assistance."
+
+"Oh yes; oh yes; of course. I shall be very glad to advise you in any
+way I can. Prevention is better than cure: don't hesitate to come to
+me for suggestions. You will doubtless be anxious to follow in the
+good old ways, and avoid extremes. I am a firm believer in expediency.
+Though I was not consulted in the present appointment, I may say that
+what we need is a man of moderate views who can adjust himself to
+circumstances. Tact, that is the great thing in life. I am a firm
+believer in tact. Our resources are limited; and a clergyman should be
+a self-denying man of God, contented with plain living and high
+thinking. No man can succeed in a country parish who seeks the loaves
+and fishes of the worldling. Durford is not a metropolis; we do not
+emulate city ways."
+
+"No, I should imagine not," Maxwell answered.
+
+The parson gathered that the Senior Warden felt slighted that he had
+not been asked by the Bishop to name his appointee; and that if he had
+bethought himself to sprinkle a little hay-seed on his clothing, his
+reception might have been more cordial.
+
+At this point the door opened and a woman, hovering somewhere between
+twenty-five and forty, dressed in rather youthful and pronounced
+attire, entered, and seeing Donald exclaimed:
+
+"Oh, papa, I did not know that you were busy with a client. Do excuse
+me."
+
+Then, observing the clerical attire of the "client," she came forward,
+and extending her hand to Donald, exclaimed with a coy, insinuating
+smile:
+
+"I am sure that you must be Mr. Maxwell. I am so glad to see you. I
+hope I am not interrupting professional confidences."
+
+"Not in the least," Donald replied, as he placed a chair for her. "I
+am very glad to have the pleasure of meeting you, Miss Bascom."
+
+"I heard last night that you had arrived, Mr. Maxwell; and I am sure
+that it is very good of you to come and see papa so soon. I hope to
+see you at our house before long. You know that we are in the habit of
+seeing a good deal of the rector, because--you will excuse my
+frankness--because there are so few people of culture and refinement
+in this town to make it pleasant for him."
+
+"I am sure that you are very kind," Donald replied. Miss Bascom had
+adjusted her tortoise-shell lorgnette, and was surveying Donald from
+head to foot.
+
+"Is your wife with you?" she inquired, as one who would say: "Tell me
+no lies!"
+
+"No, I am not married."
+
+At once she was one radiant smile of welcome:
+
+"Papa, we must do all we can to make Mr. Maxwell feel at home at
+Willow Bluff--so that he will not get lonesome and desert us," she
+added genially.
+
+"You're very kind."
+
+"You must come and dine with us very soon and see our place for
+yourself. You are staying with Mrs. Burke, I understand."
+
+"Yes."
+
+"How does she impress you?"
+
+"I hardly know her well enough to form any definite opinion of her,
+though she has been kindness itself to me."
+
+"Yes, she has a sharp tongue, but a kind heart; and she does a great
+deal of good in the village; but, poor soul! she has no sense of
+humor--none whatever. Then of course she is not in society, you know.
+You will find, Mr. Maxwell, that social lines are very carefully drawn
+in this town; there are so many grades, and one has to be careful, you
+know."
+
+"Is it so! How many people are there in the town?"
+
+"Possibly eight or nine hundred."
+
+"And how many of them are 'in society'?"
+
+"Oh, I should imagine not more than twenty or thirty."
+
+"They must be very select."
+
+"Oh, we are; quite so."
+
+"Don't you ever get tired of seeing the same twenty or thirty all the
+time? I'm afraid I am sufficiently vulgar to like a change, once in a
+while--somebody real common, you know."
+
+Miss Bascom raised her lorgnette in pained surprise and gazed at
+Donald curiously; then she sighed and tapping her fingers with her
+glasses replied:
+
+"But one has to consider the social responsibilities of one's
+position, you know. Many of the village people are well enough in
+their way, really quite amusing as individuals; but one cannot alter
+social distinctions."
+
+"I see," replied Donald, non-committally.
+
+Virginia was beginning to think that the new rector was rather dull in
+his perceptions, rather _gauche_, but, deciding to take a charitable
+view, she held out her hand with a beaming smile as she said:
+
+"Remember, you are to make Willow Bluff one of your homes. We shall
+always be charmed to see you."
+
+When, after their respective shoppings were completed, Maxwell
+rejoined Mrs. Burke, and they had started on a brisk trot towards
+home, she remarked:
+
+"So you have had a visit with the Senior Warden."
+
+"Yes, and with Miss Bascom. She came into the office while I was
+there."
+
+"Hm! Well! She's one of your flock!"
+
+"Would you call Miss Bascom one of my lambs?" asked Donald
+mischievously.
+
+"Oh, that depends on where you draw the line. Don't you think she's
+handsome?"
+
+"I can hardly say. What do you think about it?"
+
+"Oh, I don't know. When she's well dressed she has a sort of style
+about her; but isn't it merciful that we none of us know how we really
+do look? If we did, we wouldn't risk bein' alone with ourselves five
+minutes without a gun."
+
+"Is that one for Miss Bascom?"
+
+"No, I ought not to say a word against Virginia Bascom. She's a good
+sort accordin' to her lights; and then too, she is a disconnection of
+mine by marriage--once removed."
+
+"How do you calculate that relationship?"
+
+"Oh, her mother's brother married my sister. She suspected that he was
+guilty of incompatibility--and she proved it, and got a divorce. If
+that don't make a disconnection of Ginty Bascom, then I don't know
+what does. Virginia was born in Boston, though she was brought up
+here. It must be terrible to be born in Boston, and have to live up to
+it, when you spend your whole life in a place like Durford. But Ginty
+does her very best, though occasionally she forgets."
+
+"You can hardly blame her for that. Memory is tricky, and Boston and
+Durford are about as unlike as two places well could be."
+
+"Oh, no; I don't blame her. Once she formed a club for woman's
+suffrage. She set out to 'form my mind'--as if my mind wasn't pretty
+thoroughly formed at this time of day--and get me to protest against
+the tyranny of the male sex. I didn't see that the male sex was
+troublin' her much; but I signed a petition she got up to send to the
+Governor or somebody, asking for the right to vote. There was an
+opposition society that didn't want the ballot, and they got up
+another petition."
+
+"And you signed that too, I expect," laughed Donald.
+
+"Sure thing, I did. I'm not narrow-minded, and I like to be obliging.
+Then she tried what she called slummin', which, as near as I can see,
+means walkin' in where you 'aint wanted, because people are poorer
+than you are, and leavin' little tracts that nobody reads, and currant
+jelly that nobody eats, and clothes that nobody can wear. But an
+Irishman shied a cabbage at her head while she was tryin' to convince
+him that the bath-tub wasn't really a coal bin, and that his mental
+attitude was hindside before.
+
+"Then she got to be a Theosophist, and used to sit in her room
+upstairs projecting her astral body out of the window into the back
+yard, and pulling it in again like a ball on a rubber string--just for
+practice, you know. But that attack didn't last long."
+
+"She seems to be a very versatile young woman; but she doesn't stick
+to one thing very long."
+
+"A rolling stone gathers no moss, you know," Mrs. Burke replied.
+"That's one of the advantages of bein' a rolling stone. It must be
+awful to get mossy; and there isn't any moss on Virginia Bascom,
+whatever faults she may have--not a moss."
+
+For a moment Mrs. Burke was silent, and then she began:
+
+"Once Virginia got to climbin' her family tree, to find out where her
+ancestors came from. She thought that possibly they might be noblemen.
+But I guess there wasn't very much doin' up the tree until she got
+down to New York, and paid a man to tell her. She brought back an
+illuminated coat of arms with a lion rampantin' on top; but she was
+the same old Virginia still. What do I care about my ancestors! It
+doesn't make no difference to me. I'm just myself anyway, no matter
+how you figure; and I'm a lot more worried about where I'm goin' to,
+than where I came from. Virginia's got a book called 'Who's Who,' that
+she's always studying. But the only thing that matters, it seems to
+me, is Who's What."
+
+"I wonder she hasn't married," remarked Donald, innocently.
+
+"Ah, that's the trouble. She's like a thousand others without no
+special occupation in life. She's wastin' a lot of bottled up interest
+and sympathy on foolish things. If she'd married and had seven babies,
+they would have seen to it that she didn't make a fool of herself.
+However, it isn't her fault. She's volunteered to act as Deaconess to
+every unmarried parson we've had; and it's a miracle of wonders one of
+'em didn't succumb; parsons are such--oh, do excuse me! I mean so
+injudicious on the subject of matrimony."
+
+"But, Mrs. Burke, don't you think a clergyman ought to be a married
+man?"
+
+"Well, to tell you the truth, t'aint me that's been doin' the thinkin'
+along those lines, for most of the parsons we've had. I've been more
+of a first aid to the injured, in the matrimonial troubles of our
+parish, and the Lord only knows when love-making has got as far as
+actual injury to the parties engaged,--well thinkin' 'aint much use.
+But there's Ginty for example. She's been worryin' herself thin for
+the last five years, doin' matrimonial equations for the clergy. She's
+a firm believer in the virtue of patience, and if the Lord only keeps
+on sendin' us unmarried rectors, Ginty is goin' to have her day. It's
+just naturally bound to come. I 'aint sure whether she's got a right
+to be still runnin' with the lambs or not, but that don't matter
+much,--old maids will rush in where angels fear to tread."
+
+Maxwell smiled. "Old maids, and old bachelors, are pretty much alike.
+I know a few of the latter, that no woman on earth could make into
+regular human beings."
+
+"Oh, yes; old bachelors aren't the nicest thing the Lord ever made.
+Most of 'em are mighty selfish critters, take 'em as they run; and a
+man that's never had a real great love in his life doesn't know what
+life is."
+
+"That's quite true," Donald responded, with such warmth that Mrs.
+Burke glanced at him suspiciously, and changed her tune, as she
+continued:
+
+"Seems to me a parson, or any other man, is very foolish to marry
+before he can support a wife comfortably, and lay by somethin' for a
+rainy day, though. The last rector had five babies and seventeen cents
+to feed 'em with. Yes, there were little olive branches on all four
+sides of the table, and under the table too. The Whittimores seemed to
+have their quiver full of 'em, as the psalmist says. Mrs. Whittimore
+used to say to me, 'The Lord will provide,'--just to keep her courage
+up, poor thing! Well, I suppose the Lord did provide; but I had to do
+a lot of hustlin', just the same. No sir, if a parson marries, he
+better find a woman who has outgrown her short skirts. Young things
+dyin' to be martyrs with a good lookin' young parson, are a drug in
+the market. Better go slow." And Hepsey looked up at him
+significantly.
+
+"Then you think it would be inadvisable to propose to Miss Virginia
+immediately, do you?" Donald asked, as if humbly seeking guidance.
+
+"Well, there doesn't seem to be any immediate hurry about it. Now if
+you'll open the gate to Thunder Cliff, I'll be much obliged to you. If
+I don't get my mind on something less romantic than Virginia, we shall
+have to dine off airy fancies--and that won't suit Nickey, for one."
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER IV
+
+MILKING
+
+
+Betty, my love:
+
+I can imagine that just about this time you have finished your dinner,
+and are enjoying your after-dinner coffee in the library with your
+father. I would give all that I possess, though heaven knows that is
+mighty little, to be with you and get you to talk to me, and let me
+tell you all that has happened since I left you. But instead of that I
+am alone in my room with your picture on the table while I write, and
+it is the middle of the evening with us on the farm. I have a bright
+wood fire on the hearth, as it's a bit chilly to-night.
+
+To-day I have almost completed my first round of parish visits, and
+the experience has been a revelation to me of the mixture of pathetic
+narrowness, hardship, and self-denial of the people up here in the
+mountains. One minute I am all out of patience with their stupidity,
+and the next I am touched to the heart by their patience with
+unendurable conditions, and their generosity and kindness to each
+other. I hope to be able to adjust my mental equilibrium to the
+situation before long and to learn to understand them better; I find
+that a country parson must be a man of many accomplishments, and that
+I have to learn my profession all over again. Yesterday I called on a
+poor shriveled old woman who, I was told, was in trouble. When I asked
+her what I could do for her, she brightened up and informed me that
+her apple trees were full of worms! So there was nothing for it but to
+take off my coat and vest, roll up my sleeves, and burn out the worms.
+I must have destroyed about a bushel, more or less. It took most of
+the afternoon; but she was pleased, and appeared in church this
+morning for the first time in six years.
+
+I have learned a lot about the rotation of crops, helped to dig a
+well, and attended a barn dance. I have eaten pickles by the score at
+teas given in my honor, rather than offend the hostess; and have had
+horrible nights in consequence. Every morning Nickey and I take the
+milk down to the creamery before breakfast. I am so tanned that you
+would hardly recognize me; and I must confess with shame that I am
+never more happy than when I am able to put on my soiled working
+clothes and do manual labor on the farm. I suppose it is the contrast
+to my former life, and the fact that it takes my thoughts away from
+the longing for you.
+
+The men up here seem to think I know mighty little. It's very
+humiliating! But since they discovered that I am neither
+"'ristocratic" nor "pious," they seem to be friendly enough. I often
+find myself wondering if much of the work in the seminary wasn't a
+sheer waste of time, when I am brought up against the practical,
+commonplace, everyday life of these people. My friend Mrs. Burke has a
+fund of common sense and worldly wisdom which is worth more than any
+Ph.D. or S.T.D. represents, to help a man to meet the hard facts of
+life successfully; and she has been very nice and considerate in
+making suggestions to me--always wrapped up in a humor all her own. I
+have found it practically impossible to get into touch with the
+farmers of the neighborhood without becoming more or less of a farmer
+myself, and learning by actual experience what the life is like. One
+man was so openly supercilious when he found out that I did not know
+how to milk, that Mrs. Burke, who is nothing if not practical, offered
+to show me.
+
+I have acquired a suit of overalls, and a wide-brimmed straw hat; and
+so, attiring myself in the most orthodox fashion, Mrs. Burke and I
+went to the shed yesterday where Louise, the Jersey cow, abides, and I
+took my first lesson in milking. Mrs. Burke carefully explained to me
+the _modus operandi_ I was to pursue; and so, taking the tin pail
+between my knees, I seated myself on the three-legged stool by the
+side of Louise, and timidly began operations. She seemed to know by
+some bovine instinct that I was a tenderfoot; and although I followed
+Mrs. Burke's instructions to the letter, no milk put in its
+appearance. Mrs. Burke was highly amused at my perplexity. Finally she
+remarked:
+
+"You've got to introduce yourself, and get Louise's confidence before
+she'll give down. She thinks that you are too familiar on a short
+acquaintance. Now talk to her a bit, and be friendly."
+
+This was somewhat of a poser, as Louise and I really have not much in
+common, and I was at a loss where to begin. But something had to be
+done, and so I made a venture and remarked:
+
+"Louise, the wind is in the south; and if it doesn't change, we shall
+certainly have rain within three days."
+
+This did not seem to have the desired effect. In fact, she ignored my
+remark in the most contemptuous fashion. Then Mrs. Burke suggested:
+
+"Get up, and come round where she can see you. No lady wants to be
+talked to by a gentleman that's out of sight."
+
+So I got up and went around by her head, fed her some clover, patted
+her on the neck, rubbed her nose, and began a little mild, persuasive
+appeal:
+
+"Louise, I am really a man of irreproachable character. I am a son of
+the Revolution; I held three scholarships in Harvard; and I graduated
+second in my class at the General Sem. Furthermore, I'm not at all
+accustomed to being snubbed by ladies. Can't you make up your mind to
+be obliging?"
+
+Louise sniffed at me inquiringly, gazing at me with large-eyed
+curiosity. Then as if in token that she had come to a favorable
+conclusion, she ran out her tongue and licked my hand. When I resumed
+operations, the milk poured into the pail, and Mrs. Burke was just
+congratulating me on my complete success, when, by some accident the
+stool slipped, and I fell over backwards, and the whole contents of
+the pail was poured on the ground. My! but wasn't I disgusted? I
+thought Mrs. Burke would never stop laughing at me; but she was good
+enough not to allude to the loss of the milk!
+
+Some day when we are married, and you come up here, I will take you
+out and introduce you to Louise, and she will fall in love with you on
+the spot.
+
+My most difficult task is my Senior Warden--and it looks as if he
+_would not_ make friends, do what I will to "qualify" according to his
+own expressed notions of what a country parson should be. But I rather
+suspect that he likes to keep the scepter in his own hands, while the
+clergy do his bidding. But that won't do for me.
+
+So you see the life up here is interesting from its very novelty,
+though I do get horribly lonesome, sometimes. If I had not pledged
+myself to the Bishop to stay and work the parish together into
+something like an organization, I am afraid I should be tempted to cut
+and run--back to you, sweetheart.
+
+And there was a post script:
+
+"I've not said half enough of how much Mrs. Burke's wisdom has taught
+and helped me. She is a shrewd observer of human motives, and I
+expect she has had a struggle to keep the sweetness of her nature at
+the top. She is, naturally, a capable, dominating character; and often
+I watch how she forces herself to let persuasiveness take precedence
+of combativeness. Her acquired philosophy, as applied to herself and
+others, is summed up in a saying she let drop the other day, modified
+to suit her needs: 'More flies are caught with molasses than with
+vinegar--but keep some vinegar by you!' _Verb. Sap.!_"
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER V
+
+THE MINIATURE
+
+
+It happened that the Reverend Donald Maxwell committed a careless
+indiscretion. When he went to his room to prepare for supper, he found
+that he had left the miniature of a certain young lady on the
+mantelpiece, having forgotten to return it to its hiding-place the
+night before. He quickly placed it in its covering and locked it up in
+his desk, but not without many misgivings at the thought that Mrs.
+Burke had probably discovered it when she put his room in order.
+
+He was quite right in his surmise, for just as she was about to leave
+the room she had caught sight of the picture, and, after examining it
+carefully, she had exclaimed to herself:
+
+"Hm! Hm! So that's the young woman, is it? In a gilded frame set with
+real glass rubies and turquoises. I guessed those letters couldn't
+come from his mother. She wouldn't write to him every blessed day;
+she'd take a day off now and then, just to rest up a bit. Well, well,
+well! So this is what you've been dreaming about; and a mighty good
+thing too--only the sooner it's known the better. But I suppose I'll
+have to wait for his reverence to inform me officially, and then I'll
+have to look mighty surprised! She's got a good face, anyway; but he
+ought to wait awhile. Poor soul! she'd just die of loneliness up here.
+Well, I suppose it'll be my business to look after her, and I reckon
+I'd best take time by the fetlock, and get the rectory in order. It
+isn't fit for rats to live in now."
+
+Mrs. Burke's discovery haunted her all day long, and absorbed her
+thoughts when she went to bed. If Maxwell was really engaged to be
+married, she did not see why he did not announce the fact, and have it
+over with. She had to repeat her prayers three times before she could
+keep the girl in the gilt frame out of them; and she solved the
+problem by praying that she might not make a fool of herself.
+
+The next morning she went over to Jonathan Jackson's house to see what
+her friend and neighbor, the Junior Warden, would say about the
+matter. He could be trusted to keep silent and assist her to carry out
+some provisional plans. She knew exactly what she wished and what she
+intended to do; but she imagined that she wanted the pleasure of
+hearing some one tell her that she was exactly right.
+
+Jonathan Jackson was precisely the person to satisfy the demand, as
+his deceased wife had never allowed him to have any opinion for more
+than fifteen minutes at a time--if it differed from hers; and when she
+had made a pretense of consulting him, he had learned by long
+experience to hesitate for a moment, look judicially wise, and then
+repeat her suggestions as nearly as he could remember them. So
+Jonathan made a most excellent friend and neighbor, when any crisis or
+emergency called for an expert opinion.
+
+Mrs. Burke had been an intimate friend of Sarah Jackson, and just
+before Mrs. Jackson died she made Hepsey promise that after she was
+gone she would keep a friendly eye on Jonathan, and see that he did
+not get into mischief, or let the house run down, or "live just by
+eatin' odds and ends off the pantry shelf any old way." Mrs. Jackson
+entertained no illusions in regard to her husband, and she trusted
+Hepsey implicitly. So, after Mrs. Jackson's mortal departure, Hepsey
+made periodic calls on Jonathan, which always gave him much pleasure
+until she became inquisitive about his methods of housekeeping; then
+he would grow reticent.
+
+"Good morning, Jonathan," Hepsey called, as she presented herself at
+the woodshed door, where she caught Jonathan mending some of his
+underclothes laboriously.
+
+"Well, I declare," she continued, "I'm blessed if you 'aint sewin'
+white buttons on with black thread. Is anybody dead in the family, or
+'aint you feelin' well as to your head this mornin'?"
+
+His voice quavered with mingled embarrassment and resentment as he
+replied:
+
+"What difference does it make, Hepsey? It don't make no difference, as
+long as nobody don't see it but me."
+
+"And why in the name of conscience don't you get a thimble, Jonathan?
+The idea of your stickin' the needle in, and then pressin' it against
+the chair to make it go through. If that 'aint just like a helpless
+man, I wouldn't say."
+
+[Illustration: "I'M BLESSED IF YOU 'AINT SEWIN' WHITE BUTTONS ON WITH
+BLACK THREAD. IS ANYBODY DEAD IN THE FAMILY, OR 'AINT YOU
+FEELIN' WELL THIS MORNIN'?"]
+
+"Well, of course sewin' 'aint just a man's business, anyway; and when
+he has just got to do it----"
+
+"Why don't you let Mary McGuire do it for you? You pay her enough,
+certainly, to keep you from becomin' a buttonless orphan."
+
+Mary McGuire, be it said, was the woman who came in by the day, and
+cooked for Jonathan, and intermittently cleaned him out of house and
+home.
+
+"She don't know much about such things," replied Jonathan
+confidentially. "I did let her do it for a while; but when my
+buttonholes got tore larger, instead of sewin' 'em up, she just put on
+a larger button; and I'd be buttonin' my pants with the covers of
+saucepans by now, if I'd let her go on."
+
+"It is curious what helpless critters men are, specially widowers. Now
+Jonathan, why don't you lay aside your sewin', and invite me into your
+parlor? You aren't a bit polite."
+
+"Well, come along then, Hepsey; but the parlor aint just in apple-pie
+order, as you might say. Things are mussed up a bit." He looked at her
+suspiciously.
+
+When they entered the parlor Mrs. Burke gazed about in a critical sort
+of way.
+
+"Jonathan Jackson, if you don't get married again before long I don't
+know what'll become of you," she remarked, as she wrote her name with
+the end of her finger in the dust on the center-table. "Why don't you
+open the parlor occasionally and let the air in? It smells that musty
+in here I feel as if I was attendin' your wife's funeral all over
+again."
+
+"Well, of course you know we never did use the parlor much, 'cept
+there was a funeral in the family, or you called, or things like
+that."
+
+"Thank _you_; but even so, you might put things away occasionally, and
+not leave them scattered all over the place."
+
+"What's the use? I never can find anything when it's where it belongs;
+but if it's left just where I drop it, I know right where it is when I
+want it."
+
+"That's a man's argument. Sakes alive! The least you could do would be
+to shut your bureau drawers."
+
+"What's the use shuttin' bureau drawers when you've got to open 'em
+again 'fore long?" Jonathan asked. "It just makes so much more
+trouble; and there's trouble enough in this world, anyway."
+
+"You wouldn't dare let things go like this when Sarah was livin'."
+
+"No," Jonathan replied sadly, "but there's some advantages in bein' a
+widower. Of course I don't mean no disrespect to Sarah, but opinions
+will differ about some things. She'd never let me go up the front
+stairs without takin' my boots off, so as not to soil the carpet; and
+when she died and the relatives tramped up and down reckless like, I
+almost felt as if it was wicked. For a fact, I did."
+
+"Well, I always told Sarah she was a slave to dust; I believe that
+dust worried her a lot more than her conscience, poor soul. I should
+think that Mary McGuire would tidy up for you a little bit once in a
+while."
+
+"Well, Mary does the best she knows how. But I like her goin' better
+than comin'. The fact is, a man of my age can't live alone always,
+Hepsey. It's a change to live this way, till----"
+
+"Oh, heaven save the mark! I can't stay here talkin' all day; but I'll
+tidy up a bit before I go, if you don't mind, Jonathan. You go on with
+what you call your sewin'."
+
+"Go ahead, Hepsey. You can do anything you like," he replied, beaming
+upon her.
+
+Mrs. Burke opened the blinds and windows, shook up the pillows on the
+lounge, straightened the furniture, dusted off the chairs and opened
+the door to the porch. She made a flying trip to the garden, and
+returned with a big bunch of flowers which she placed in a large glass
+vase on the mantel. Then she hung Jonathan's dressing gown over the
+back of a chair, and put his slippers suggestively near at hand. In a
+few moments she had transformed the whole appearance of the room,
+giving it a look of homelike coziness which had long been foreign to
+it.
+
+"There now, Jonathan! That's better, isn't it?"
+
+Jonathan sighed profoundly as he replied:
+
+"It certainly is, Hepsey; it certainly is. I wonder why a man can't do
+that kind of thing like a woman can? He knows somethin's wrong, but he
+can't tell what it is."
+
+Hepsey had almost forgotten her errand; but now that her work was done
+it came back to her with sudden force; so, puckering up her lips and
+scowling severely at the carpet, she began:
+
+"The fact is, Jonathan, I didn't come over here to dust the parlor or
+to jolly you. I've come to have a confidential talk with you about a
+matter of great importance."
+
+"What is it, Hepsey?"
+
+"Matrimony."
+
+Jonathan started eagerly, and colored with self-conscious
+embarrassment; and after clearing his throat, nervously inquired:
+
+"Did you think of contemplatin' matrimony again, Hepsey?--though this
+'aint leap year."
+
+"I, contemplate matrimony? Oh, land of Gideon, _no_. It's about some
+one else. Don't get scared. I'm no kidnapper!"
+
+"Well, who is it, then?" Jonathan inquired, with a touch of
+disappointment.
+
+"My adopted son."
+
+"You don't say! I've heard rumors about Maxwell and Virginia Bascom;
+but I didn't take no stock in 'em, knowin' Virginia."
+
+"Virginia hasn't nothin' to do with it."
+
+"Well, who has then, for land's sake!"
+
+"I don't know the girl's name; but I saw her picture on his
+mantelpiece yesterday mornin', and I've had my suspicions for some
+time."
+
+"Well, I suppose his marryin' 'aint none of our business anyway, be
+it?"
+
+"Yes, it is our business; if he's goin' to get married, the rectory's
+got to be fixed over a whole lot 'fore it's fit to live in. You know
+the Senior Warden won't lift his finger, and you've got to help me do
+it."
+
+Jonathan sighed profoundly, knowing from past experience that Hepsey's
+word carried more weight than all the vestry.
+
+"I suppose I have, if you say so, Hepsey."
+
+"Yes sir, you've got to help me do it. No decent girl is goin' into
+that house as it is, with my consent. It's the worst old rat-trap I
+ever saw. I've got the key, and I'm goin' through it this afternoon,
+and then I'm goin' to plan what ought to be done."
+
+"But it seems to me you're venturin' some. You don't _know_ they're
+goin' to be married."
+
+"No, but all the symptoms point that way, and we've got to be prepared
+for it."
+
+"But the people round town seem to think that Virginia has a first
+mortgage on the rector already."
+
+"No doubt _she_ thinks she has; but it 'aint true. He's made a
+blunder, though, not announcin' his engagement, and I'm goin' to tell
+him so the first chance I get. I don't see why he should air his
+private affairs all over the town, but if he don't announce his
+engagement before long, Virginia Bascom'll make an awful row when he
+does."
+
+"Yes, and to the best of my knowledge and belief this'll be her fifth
+row."
+
+"Well, you meet me at the rectory at two o'clock sharp."
+
+"But we ought to consult the vestry first," the Junior Warden
+cautioned her.
+
+"What for, I'd like to know?"
+
+"'Cause they are the trustees of the property."
+
+"Then why don't they 'tend to the property? The vestry are a lot
+of----"
+
+"Sh! Hepsey, be careful. I'll be there, I'll be there!"
+
+Mrs. Burke rose and started for the door; but Jonathan called out to
+her:
+
+"Hepsey, can't you stay to dinner? I'd like awful well to have you. It
+would seem so nice and homelike to see you sittin' opposite me at the
+table."
+
+"Am I to consider this a proposal of marriage, Jonathan?"
+
+"Well, I hadn't thought of it in that light; but if _you_ would, I'd
+be mighty thankful."
+
+But Hepsey was beating her retreat.
+
+Jonathan stood for a minute or two in the middle of the room and
+looked very sober. Slowly he took off his coat and put on his dressing
+gown. Then he sat down, and cautiously put his feet in another chair.
+Next he lighted a cigar--gazing about the room as if his late wife
+might appear at any moment as an avenging deity, and drag him into the
+kitchen where he belonged. But nothing happened, and he began to feel
+a realization of his independence. He sat and thought for a long time,
+and a mighty hunger of the heart overwhelmed him. Before he knew it, a
+tear or two had fallen on the immaculate carpet; and then, suddenly
+recollecting himself, he stood up, saying to himself--such is the
+consistency of man:
+
+"Sarah was a good soul accordin' to her lights; but she's dead, and I
+must confess I'm powerful reconciled. Hepsey Burke's different. I
+wonder if----"
+
+But he put he thought away from him with a "get thee behind me"
+abruptness, and putting on his coat, went out to water the stock.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER VI
+
+THE MISSIONARY TEA
+
+
+"Hm!" Mrs. Burke remarked to Maxwell abruptly one day during supper.
+"We haven't had a missionary tea since you came, and I think it's high
+time we did."
+
+"What sort of a missionary tea do you mean?" the parson inquired.
+
+"Well," Mrs. Burke responded, "our missionary teas combine different
+attractions. We get together and look over each other's clothes;
+that's the first thing; then some one reads a paper reportin' how
+things is goin' in Zanzibar, or what's doin' in Timbuctoo. Then we
+look over the old clothes sent in for missionaries, mend 'em up, and
+get 'em ready to send off. Then we have tea and cake. I've had my
+misgivin' for some time that perhaps we cared more for the tea and
+cake than we did for the heathen; but of course I put such a wicked
+thought aside. If you value your reputation for piety, don't you ever
+speak of a missionary tea here except in a whisper."
+
+"But I suppose the tea helps to get people together and be more
+sociable?"
+
+"Certainly. The next best thing to religion is a cup of strong tea and
+a frosted cake, to make us country people friends. Both combined can't
+be beat. But you ought to see the things that have been sent in this
+last week for the missionary box. There's a smoking jacket, two pairs
+of golf-trousers, several pairs of mismated gloves, a wonderful lot of
+undarned stockings, bonnets and underclothes to burn, two jackets and
+a bathin' suit. I wonder what people think missionaries are doin' most
+of the time!"
+
+On the day appointed for the missionary tea the ladies were to
+assemble at Thunder Cliff at four o'clock; and when Maxwell came home,
+before the advent of the first guest, he seemed somewhat depressed;
+and Mrs. Burke inquired:
+
+"Been makin' calls on your parishioners?"
+
+"Yes, I have made a few visits."
+
+"Now you must look more cheerful, or somebody'll suspect that you
+don't always find parish calls the joy of your life."
+
+"It's so difficult to find subjects of conversation that they are
+interested in. I simply couldn't draw out Mrs. Snodgrass, for
+instance."
+
+"Well, when you've lived in the country as long as I have, you'll find
+that the one unfailin' subject of interest is symptoms--mostly
+dyspepsy and liver complaint. If you had known enough to have started
+right with Elmira Snodgrass, she would have thawed out at once. Elmira
+is always lookin' for trouble as the sparks fly upwards, or
+thereabouts. She'd crawl through a barbed wire fence if she couldn't
+get at it any other way. She always chews a pill on principle, and
+then she calls it a dispensation of Providence, and wonders why she
+was ever born to be tormented."
+
+"In that case," laughed Maxwell, "I'd better get some medical books
+and read up on symptoms. By the by, is there any particular program
+for this missionary meeting, Mrs. Burke?"
+
+"Yes, Virginia Bascom's goin' to read a paper called 'The Christian
+Mother as a Missionary in her own Household.' To be sure, Ginty's no
+Christian Mother, or any other kind of a mother; but she's as full of
+enthusiasm as a shad is of bones. She'd bring up any child while you
+wait, and not charge a cent. There goes the bell, so please excuse
+me."
+
+The guests were received by Mrs. Burke. Miss Bascom entered the parlor
+with a portentous bundle of manuscript under her arm, and greeted
+Donald with a radiant smile. Pulling a pansy from a bunch in her
+dress, she adjusted it in his buttonhole with the happy shyness of a
+young kitten chasing its tail. After the others had assembled, they
+formed a circle to inspect the clothing which had been sent in. There
+was a general buzz of conversation.
+
+As they were busily going through the garments, Virginia remarked,
+"Are all these things to go to the missionaries at Tien Tsin?" and she
+adjusted her lorgnette to inspect the heap.
+
+"Yes," Mrs. Burke responded wearily, "and I hope they'll get what
+comfort they can out of 'em."
+
+"You don't seem to be very appreciative, Mrs. Burke," Virginia
+reproved.
+
+"Well, I suppose I ought to be satisfied," Hepsey replied. "But it
+does seem as if most people give to the Lord what they can't use for
+themselves any longer--as they would to a poor relation that's worthy,
+but not to be coddled by too much charity."
+
+"I think these things are quite nice enough for the missionaries,"
+Virginia retorted. "They are thankful for anything."
+
+"Yes, I know," Mrs. Burke replied calmly. "Missionaries and their
+families have no business to have any feelings that can't be satisfied
+with second-hand clothes, and no end of good advice on how to spend
+five cents freely but not extravagantly."
+
+"But don't you believe in sending them useful things?" Virginia asked
+loftily.
+
+"So I do; but I'd hate that word 'useful' if I was a missionary's
+wife."
+
+"Might I inquire," asked Miss Bascom meekly, "what you would send?"
+
+"Certainly! I'd send a twenty-five-cent scent bag, made of silk and
+filled with patchouli-powder," said Hepsey, squarely.
+
+"Well," Virginia added devoutly, "satchet bags may be well enough in
+their place; but they won't feed missionaries, or clothe them, or save
+souls, you know, Mrs. Burke."
+
+"Did anybody say they would?" Mrs. Burke inquired. "I shouldn't
+particularly care to see missionaries clothed in sachet bags myself;
+the smell might drive the heathen to desperation. But do we always
+limit our spending money to necessary clothes and food? The truth is,
+we all of us spend anything we like as long as it goes on our backs,
+or down our throats; but the moment it comes to supportin'
+missionaries we think 'em worldly and graspin' if they show any
+ambition beyond second-hand clothes."
+
+"Do you live up to your preachin', Mrs. Burke?" a little sallow-faced
+woman inquired from a dark corner of the room.
+
+"Oh, no; it hits me just as hard as anybody else, as Martin Luther
+said. But I've got a proposition to make: if you'll take these things
+you brought, back with you, and wear 'em for a week just as they are,
+and play you're the missionaries, I'll take back all I've said."
+
+As, however, there was no response to this challenge, the box was
+packed, and the cover nailed down.
+
+(It is perhaps no proper part of this story to add, that its opening
+on the other side of the world was attended by the welcome and
+surprising fragrance of patchouli, emanating from a little silk sachet
+secreted among the more workaday gifts.)
+
+The ladies then adjourned to the front piazza, where the supper was
+served.
+
+When the dishes had been cleared away, the guests adjusted their
+chairs and assumed attitudes of expectant attention while Virginia
+stood up and shyly unrolled her manuscript, with a placid,
+self-conscious smile on her countenance. She apologized for her youth
+and inexperience, with a moving glance towards her pastor, and then
+got down to business. She began with the original and striking remark
+that it was the chief glory and function of woman to be a home-maker.
+She continued with something to the effect that the woman who forms
+the character of her children in the sanctity of the home-life rules
+the destinies of the world. Then she made a fetching allusion to the
+"Mother of the Gracchi," and said something about jewels. Nobody knew
+who the "Gracchi" were, but they supposed that they must be some
+relatives of Virginia's who lived in Boston.
+
+She asserted that the modern methods of bringing up children were all
+wrong. She drew a striking picture of the ideal home in which children
+always stood modestly and reverently by their parents' chairs,
+consumed with anxiety to be of some service to their elders. They were
+always to be immaculately neat in their attire, and gentle in their
+ways. The use of slang was quite beneath them.
+
+These ideal children were always to spend their evenings at home in
+the perusal of instructive books, and the pursuit of useful knowledge.
+Then, when half-past seven arrived, they were to rise spontaneously
+and promptly, and bid their parents an affectionate good-night, and
+retire to their rooms, where, having said their prayers and recited
+the golden text, they were to get into bed.
+
+Portions of Virginia's essay were quite moving. Speaking of the
+rewards which good mothers reap, in the virtues and graces of their
+dutiful offspring, she said:
+
+"What mother does not feel a thrill of exquisite rapture as she fondly
+gazes into the depths of her baby's eyes and sees there the budding
+promise of glorious womanhood. What mother does not watch the
+development of her little son with wondering pride, as she notes his
+manly, simple ways, his gentle reverence, his tender, modest behavior.
+What mother----"
+
+Here Virginia came to an abrupt stop, for there was a terrible racket
+somewhere overhead on the piazza roof; a rope was suddenly dropped
+over the edge of the eaves, and almost immediately a pair of very
+immodestly bare legs were lowered into view, followed by the rest of
+Nickey Burke's person, attired in his nightshirt. It was the work of a
+moment for the nimble boy to slide down the rope onto the ground. But,
+as he landed on his feet, finding himself in the august presence of
+the missionary circle, he remarked "Gee Whitaker bee's wax!" and
+prudently took to his heels, and sped around the house as if he had
+been shot out of a gun.
+
+Several segments of the circle giggled violently. The essayist, though
+very red, made a brave effort to ignore the highly indecorous
+interruption, and so continued with trembling tones:
+
+"What more beautiful and touching thing is there, than the innocent,
+unsullied modesty of childhood? One might almost say----"
+
+But she never said it, for here again she was forced to pause while
+another pair of immodest legs appeared over the eaves, much fatter and
+shorter than the preceding pair. These belonged to Nickey's
+boon-companion, the gentle Oliver Wendell Jones. The rest of O. W. J.
+followed in due time; and, quite ignorant of what awaited him, he
+began his wriggling descent. Most unfortunately for him, the hem of
+his nightshirt caught on a large nail in the eaves of the roof; and
+after a frantic, fruitless, and fearful effort to disconnect himself,
+he hung suspended in the breeze for one awful moment, like a painted
+cherub on a Christmas tree, while his mother, recognizing her
+offspring, rose to go to his assistance.
+
+Then there was a frantic yell, a terrible ripping sound, and Oliver
+Wendell was seen to drop to the ground clad in the sleeves and the
+front breadth of his shirt, while the entire back of it, from the
+collar down, waved triumphantly aloft from the eaves. Oliver Wendell
+Jones picked himself up, unhurt, but much frightened, and very angry:
+presenting much the aspect of a punctured tire. Then suddenly
+discovering the proximity of the missionary circle and missing the
+rear elevation of his shirt about the same time, in the horror and
+mortification of the moment, he lost his head entirely.
+Notwithstanding the protests of his pursuing mother, without waiting
+for his clothes, he fled, "anywhere, anywhere out of the world,"
+bawling with wrath and chagrin.
+
+The entire circumference of the missionary circle now burst into roars
+of laughter. His mother quickly overtook and captured Oliver, tying
+her apron around his neck as a concession to the popular prejudice
+against "the altogether." The gravity of the missionary circle was so
+thoroughly demoralized that it was impossible to restore order; and
+Miss Bascom, in the excess of her mortification, stuffed the rest of
+her manuscript, its eloquent peroration undelivered, into her bag.
+
+[Illustration: "NICHOLAS BURKE, WHAT IN THE NAME OF CONSCIENCE DOES ALL
+THIS IDIOTIC PERFORMANCE MEAN, I'D LIKE TO KNOW?"]
+
+When the last guest had departed, Mrs. Burke proceeded to hunt up
+Nickey, who was dressed and sitting on the top of the corn-crib
+whittling a stick. His mother began:
+
+"Nicholas Burke, what in the name of conscience does all this idiotic
+performance mean, I'd like to know?"
+
+Nickey closed his knife. Gazing serenely down at his mother, he
+replied:
+
+"How'd I know the blamed missionary push was goin' to meet on the
+front porch, I'd like to know? Me and Oliver Wendell was just playin'
+the house was on fire. We'd gone to bed in the front room, and then I
+told Ollie the fire was breakin' out all around us, and the sparks was
+flyin', and the stairs was burned away, and there was no way of
+'scapin' but to slide down the rope over the roof. I 'aint to blame
+for his nightshirt bein' caught on a nail, and bein' ripped off him.
+Maybe the ladies was awful shocked; but they laughed fit to split
+their sides just the same. Mr. Maxwell laughed louder than 'em all."
+
+Hepsey retired hastily, lest her face should relax its well-assumed
+severity.
+
+Maxwell, in the meantime, felt it a part of his duty to console and
+soothe the ruffled feelings of his zealous and fluent parishioner, and
+to Virginia's pride his offer of escort to Willow Bluff was ample
+reparation for the untoward interruption of her oratory. She
+delivered into his hands, with sensitive upward glance, the receptacle
+containing her manuscript, and set a brisk pace, at which she insured
+the passing of the other guests along the road, making visible her
+triumph over circumstance and at the same time obviating untimely
+intrusion of a tete-a-tete conversation.
+
+"You must have given a great deal of time and study to your subject,"
+remarked Maxwell politely.
+
+"It is very near to my heart," responded Virginia, in welling tones.
+"Home-life is, to me, almost a religion. Do you not feel, with me,
+that it is the most valuable of human qualities, Mr. Maxwell?"
+
+"I do indeed, and one of the most difficult to reduce to a
+science,"--she glanced up at him apprehensively, whereupon, lest he
+seemed to have erred in fact, he added,--"as you made us realize in
+your paper."
+
+"It is so nice to have your appreciation," she gurgled. "Often I feel
+it almost futile to try to influence our cold parish audiences; their
+attitude is so stolid, so unimaginative. As you must have realized, in
+the pulpit, they are so hard to lead into untrodden paths. Let us take
+the way home by the lane," she added coyly, leading off the road down
+a sheltered by-way.
+
+The lane was rough, and the lady, tightly and lightly shod, stumbled
+neatly and grasped her escort's arm for support--and retained it for
+comfort.
+
+"What horizons your sermons have spread before us--and, yet,"--she
+hesitated,--"I often wonder, as my eyes wander over the congregation,
+how many besides myself, really hear your message, really see what
+_you_ see."
+
+Her hand trembled on his arm, and Maxwell was a little at a loss,
+though anxious not to seem unresponsive to Virginia's enthusiasm for
+spiritual vision.
+
+"I feel that my first attention has to be given to the simpler
+problems, here in Durford," he replied. "But I am glad if I haven't
+been dull, in the process."
+
+"Dull? No indeed--how can you say that! To my life--you will
+understand?" (she glanced up with tremulous flutter of eyelids) "--you
+have brought so much helpfulness and--and warmth." She sighed
+eloquently.
+
+Maxwell was no egotist, and was always prone to see only an impersonal
+significance in parish compliments. A more self-conscious subject for
+confidences would have replied less openly.
+
+"I am glad--very glad. But you must not think that the help has been
+one-sided. You have seconded my efforts so energetically--indeed I
+don't know what I could have accomplished without such whole-hearted
+help as you and Mrs. Burke and others have given."
+
+To the optimistic Virginia the division of the loaves and fishes of
+his personal gratitude was scarcely heeded. She cherished her own
+portion, and soon magnified it to a basketful--and soon, again, to a
+monopoly of the entire supply. As he gave her his hand at the door of
+Willow Bluff, she was in fit state to invest that common act of
+friendliness with symbolic significance of a rosy future.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER VII
+
+HEPSEY GOES A-FISHING
+
+
+Mrs. Burke seemed incapable of sitting still, with folded hands, for
+any length of time; and when the stress of her attention to household
+work, and her devotion to neighborly good deeds relaxed, she turned to
+knitting wash-rags as a sportsman turns to his gun, or a toper to his
+cups. She seemed to find more stimulus for thought and more helpful
+diversion in the production of one wash-rag than most persons find in
+a trip abroad.
+
+One day, not very long after the eventful missionary tea, she was
+sitting in her garden, and knitting more rapidly than usual, as she
+said to Maxwell:
+
+"What's been the matter with you these last few weeks? You've been
+lookin' altogether too sober, and you don't eat nothin' to speak of.
+It must be either liver, or conscience, or heart."
+
+Secretly, she strongly suspected a cardiac affection, of the romantic
+variety. She intended to investigate.
+
+Donald laughed as he replied:
+
+"Perhaps it's all three together; but I'm all right. There's nothing
+the matter with me. Every man has his blue days, you know."
+
+"Yes, but the last month you've had too many; and there must be some
+reason for it. There's nothin' so refreshin' as gettin' away from your
+best friends, once in a while. I guess you need a change--pinin' for
+the city, maybe. Sakes alive! I can't see how folks can live that
+way--all crowded up together, like a lot of prisons."
+
+"You don't care to visit in the city, then?"
+
+"Not on your life!"
+
+"But a change is good for everyone. Don't you ever get away from
+Durford for a few weeks?"
+
+"Not very often. What with decidin' where to go, and fussin' to get
+ready, and shuttin' up the house, it's more trouble than its worth.
+Then there's so many things to 'tend to when you get home."
+
+"But don't you ever visit relatives?"
+
+"Not on your life, unless I'm subpoena-ed by the coroner: though of
+course we do get together to celebrate a family funeral or a wedding
+now and then. Visitin' is no joke, I tell you. No sir, I'm old enough
+to know when I'm well off, and home's the best place for me. I want my
+own table, and my own bed when it comes night." She paused, and then
+remarked meditatively:
+
+"I went down to visit in New York once."
+
+"Didn't you enjoy your visit?" Maxwell inquired. "New York's my
+home-city."
+
+"Can't say I did, awful much. You see, I was visitin' Sally
+Ramsdale--Sally Greenway that was. They were livin' in an apartment,
+ninth floor up. In the first place, I didn't like goin' up stairs in
+the elevator. I was so scared, I felt as if the end had come, and I
+was bein' jerked to my reward in an iron birdcage with a small kid
+dressed in brass buttons. When I got into the hall it was about two
+feet wide and darker than Pharaoh's conscience. It had a string of
+cells along the side, and one opened into a chimney, and the rest into
+nothin' in particular. The middle cell was a dinin' room where we ate
+when we could find the way to our mouths. Near as I can recollect,
+you got into the parlor through the pantry, back of the servant's
+room, by jumpin' over five trunks. You ought to have seen my room. It
+looked just like a parlor when you first went in. There was somethin'
+lookin' like a cross between an upright piano and writin' desk. Sally
+gave it a twist, and it tumbled out into a folding bed. The first
+night, I laid awake with my eyes on the foot of that bed expectin' it
+to rise and stand me on my head; but it didn't. You took the book of
+poems off the center table, gave it a flop, and it was a washstand.
+Everything seemed to shut up into something else it hadn't ought to.
+It was a 'now you see it, and now you don't see it,' kind of a room;
+and I seemed to be foldin' and unfoldin' most of the time. Then the
+ceilin' was so low that you could hardly get the cover off the soap
+dish. I felt all the while as if I should smother. My! but I was glad
+to get home and get a breath of real air."
+
+"Yes," Maxwell replied, "people live more natural and healthful lives
+in the country. The advantages of the city aren't an unmixed
+blessing."
+
+"That's true enough. That's no way to live. Just think of havin' no
+yard but a window box and a fire escape! I'd smother!
+
+"We folks out here in the country 'aint enjoyin' a lot of the
+refinements of city life; anyhow we get along, and the funny part
+about it is,--it 'aint hard to do, either. In the first place we 'aint
+so particular, which helps a lot, and besides, as Jonathan Jackson
+used to say,--there's compensations. I had one look at Fifth Avenue
+and I'm not sayin' it wasn't all I had heard it was; but if I had to
+look at it three hundred and sixty-five days a year I wouldn't trade
+it for this.
+
+"Why, some days it rains up here, but I can sit at my window and look
+down the valley, to where the creek runs through, and 'way up into the
+timber, and the sight of all those green things, livin' and noddin' in
+the rain is a long ways from being disheartenin',--and when the sun
+shines I can sit out here, in my garden, with my flowers, and watch
+the boys playin' down in the meadow, Bascom's Holsteins grazin' over
+there on the hill, and the air full of the perfume of growin'
+things,--they 'aint got anything like that, in New York."
+
+For a time Mrs. Burke relapsed into silence, while Maxwell smoked his
+briar pipe as he lay on the grass near by. She realized that the
+parson had cleverly side-tracked her original subject of conversation,
+and as she glanced down at him she shook her head with droll
+deprecation of his guile.
+
+When she first accused him of the blues, it was true that Maxwell's
+look had expressed glum depression. Now, he was smiling, and, balked
+of her prey, Mrs. Burke knitted briskly, contemplating other means
+drawing him from his covert. Her strategy had been too subtle: she
+would try a frontal attack.
+
+"Ever think of gettin' married, Mr. Maxwell?" she inquired abruptly.
+
+For an instant Maxwell colored; but he blew two or three rings of
+smoke in the air, and then replied carelessly, as he plucked at the
+grass by his side:
+
+"Oh, yes: every fellow of my age has fancied himself in love some time
+or other, I suppose."
+
+"Yes, it's like measles, or whoopin'-cough; every man has to have it
+sometime; but you haven't answered my question."
+
+"Well, suppose I was in love; a man must be pretty conceited to
+imagine that he could make up to a girl for the sacrifice of bringing
+her to live in a place like Durford. That sounds horribly rude to
+Durford, but you won't misunderstand me."
+
+"No; I know exactly how you feel; but the average girl is just dyin'
+to make a great sacrifice for some good-lookin' young fellow, all the
+same."
+
+"Ah yes; the _average_ girl; but----"
+
+Maxwell's voice trailed off into silence, while he affected to gaze
+stonily into the blue deeps of the sky overhead.
+
+Hepsey had thought herself a pretty clever fisherman, in her day;
+evidently, she decided, this particular fish was not going to be easy
+to land.
+
+"Don't you think a clergyman is better off married?" she asked,
+presently.
+
+Donald knocked the ashes out of his pipe and put it in his pocket,
+clasped his hands across his knees, and smiled thoughtfully for a
+moment. There was a light in his eyes which was good to see, and a
+slight trembling of his lips before he ventured to speak. Then he
+sighed heavily.
+
+"Yes, I do, on many accounts. But I think that any parson in a place
+like this ought to know and face all the difficulties of the situation
+before he comes to a definite decision and marries. Isn't that your
+own view? You've had experience of married parsons here: what do you
+think?"
+
+"Well, you see the matter is just like this: Every parish wants an
+unmarried parson; the vestry 'cause he's cheap, every unmarried woman
+'cause he may be a possible suitor; and it's easier to run him than it
+is a married man. He may be decent, well-bred and educated. And he
+comes to a parcel of ignoramuses who think they know ten times as much
+as he does. If he can't earn enough to marry on, and has the good
+sense to keep out of matrimony, the people talk about his bein' a
+selfish old bachelor who neglects his duty to society. He can't afford
+to run a tumble-down rectory like ours. If in the face of all this he
+marries, he has to scrimp and stint until it is a question of buyin'
+one egg or two, and lettin' his wife worry and work until she's fit
+for a lunatic asylum. No business corporation, not even a
+milk-peddlin' trust, would treat its men so or expect good work from
+'em. Then the average layman seldom thinks how he can help the parson.
+His one idea is to be a kicker as long as he can think of anything to
+kick about. The only man in this parish who never kicks is paralyzed
+in both legs. Yes sir; the parson of the country parish is the parish
+goat, as the sayin' is."
+
+Mrs. Burke ceased her tirade, and after a while Maxwell remarked
+quietly:
+
+"Mrs. Burke, I'm afraid you are a pessimist."
+
+"I'm no such thing," she retorted hotly. "A pessimist's a man that
+sees nothin' but the bad, and says there's no help for it and won't
+raise a hand: he's a proper sour-belly. An optimist's a man that sees
+nothin' but the good, and says everything's all right; let's have a
+good time. Poor fool! The practical man--anyway, the practical
+woman--sees both the bad and the good, and says we can make things a
+whole lot better if we try; let's take off our coats and hustle to
+beat the cars, and see what happens. The real pessimists are your
+Bascoms, and that kind: and I guess I pity him more than blame him: he
+seems as lonesome as a tooth-pick in a cider-barrel."
+
+"But I thought that Bascom was a wealthy man. He ought to be able to
+help out, and raise money enough so that the town could keep a parson
+and his wife comfortably."
+
+"Sure thing! But the church isn't supported by tight-fisted wealthy
+people. It's the hard-workin' middle class who are willin' to turn in
+and spend their last cent for the church. And don't you get me started
+on Bascom as you value your life. Maybe I'll swear a blue streak
+before I get through: not but what I suppose that even Bascom has his
+good points--like a porcupine. But a little emery paper on Bascom's
+good points wouldn't hurt 'em very much. They're awful rusty."
+
+"Oh well! Money isn't all there is in life," soothed Maxwell,
+smiling.
+
+"No, not quite; but it's a mighty good thing to have in the house.
+You'd think so if you had to wear the same hat three summers. I've got
+to that time in my life where I can get along very well without most
+of the necessities; but I must have a few luxuries to keep me goin'."
+
+"Then you think that a clergyman ought not to marry and bring his wife
+to a place like Durford?"
+
+"I didn't say anything of the sort. If you was to get married I'd see
+you through, if it broke my neck or Bascom's."
+
+"Do you know, you seem to me a bit illogical?" remarked Maxwell
+mildly.
+
+"Don't talk to me about logic! The strongest argument is often the
+biggest lie. There are times in your life when you have to take your
+fate in both hands and shut your eyes, and jump in the dark. Maybe
+you'll land on your feet, and maybe you--won't. But you have got to
+jump just the same. That's matrimony--common sense, idiocy, or
+whatever you choose to call it.... I never could tell which. It's the
+only thing to do; and any man with a backbone and a fist won't
+hesitate very long. If you marry, I'll see you through; though of
+course you won't stay here long, anyhow."
+
+"You're awfully kind, Mrs. Burke," Maxwell replied, "and I sha'n't
+forget your promise--when the time comes for me to take the momentous
+step. But I think it would be the wisest thing for me to keep my
+heart free for a while; or at any rate, not to get married."
+
+Mrs. Burke looked down at her rector, and smiled broadly at his clever
+evasion of the bait she had dangled before him so persistently.
+
+"Well, do as you like; but that reminds me that when next you go to
+town you'll need to get a new glass for that miniature of your sister.
+You must have dozed off with it in your hands last night and dropped
+it. I found it this morning on the floor alongside of your chair, with
+the glass broken."
+
+She rose triumphantly, as she knitted the last stitch of the wash-rag.
+"Excuse me--I must go and peel the potatoes for dinner."
+
+"I'd offer to contribute to the menu, by catching some fish for you;
+but I don't think it's a very good day for fishing, is it, Mrs.
+Burke?" asked Maxwell innocently.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER VIII
+
+AN ICEBOX FOR CHERUBIM
+
+
+As we have seen, when Maxwell began his work in Durford, he was full
+of the enthusiasm of youth and inexperience. He was, however, heartily
+supported and encouraged in his efforts by all but Sylvester Bascom.
+Without being actively and openly hostile, the Senior Warden, under
+the guise of superior wisdom and a judicial regard for expediency,
+managed to thwart many of his projects. After each interview with
+Bascom, Maxwell felt that every bit of life and heart had been pumped
+out of him, and that he was very young, and very foolish to attempt
+to make any change in "the good old ways" of the parish, which for so
+many years had stunted its growth and had acquired the immobility of
+the laws of the Medes and Persians.
+
+But there was one parishioner who was ever ready to suggest new
+ventures to "elevate" the people, and to play the part of intimate
+friend and adviser to her good-looking rector, and that was Virginia
+Bascom. For some unknown reason "the people" did not seem to be
+acutely anxious thus to be elevated; and most of them seemed to regard
+Virginia as a harmless idiot with good intentions, but with positive
+genius for meddling in other people's affairs. Being the only daughter
+of the Senior Warden, and the leading lady from a social standpoint,
+she considered that she had a roving commission to set people right at
+a moment's notice; and there were comparatively few people in Durford
+on whom she had not experimented in one way or another. She organized
+a Browning club to keep the factory girls out of the streets evenings,
+a mothers' meeting, an ethical culture society, and a craftman's club,
+and, as she was made president of each, her time was quite well
+filled.
+
+And now in her fertile brain dawned a brilliant idea, which she
+proceeded to propound to the rector. Maxwell was non-committal, for
+he felt the matter was one for feminine judgment. Then she decided to
+consult Mrs. Burke--because, while Hepsey was "not in society," she
+was recognized as the dominant personality among the women of the
+village, and no parish enterprise amounted to much unless she approved
+of it, and was gracious enough to assist. As Virginia told Maxwell,
+"Mrs. Burke has a talent of persuasiveness," and so was "useful in any
+emergency." If Mrs. Burke's sympathies could be enlisted on behalf of
+the new scheme it would be bound to succeed.
+
+As a matter of fact, Mrs. Burke had heard rumors of this new project
+of Virginia's. It always went against the grain with Hepsey to say:
+"Don't do it." She was a firm believer in the teaching of experience:
+"Experience does it," was her translation of the classic adage.
+
+And so one morning found Virginia sitting opposite Mrs. Burke in the
+kitchen at Thunder Cliff, knitting her brows and poking the toe of her
+boot with the end of her parasol in an absent-minded way. This was
+symptomatic.
+
+"Anything on your mind, Virginia? What's up now?" Mrs. Burke began.
+
+For a moment Virginia hesitated, and then replied:
+
+"I am thinking of establishing a day-nursery to care for the babies of
+working women, Mrs. Burke."
+
+Mrs. Burke, with hands on her hips, gazed intently at her visitor,
+pushed up her under lip, scowled, and then observed thoughtfully:
+
+"I wonder some one hasn't thought of that before. Who's to take care
+of the babies?"
+
+"Mary Quinn and I, with the assistance of others, of course."
+
+"Are you sure that you know which is the business end of a
+nursing-bottle? Could you put a safety-pin where it would do the most
+good? Could you wash a baby without drownin' it?"
+
+"Of course I have not had much experience," Virginia replied in a
+dignified and lofty way, "but Mary Quinn has, and she could teach
+me."
+
+"You're thinkin', I suppose, that a day-nursery would fill a long-felt
+want, or somethin' like that. Who's goin' to pay the bills?"
+
+"Oh, there ought to be enough progressive, philanthropic people in
+Durford to subscribe the necessary funds, you know. It is to be an
+auxiliary to the parish work."
+
+"Hm! What does Mr. Maxwell say?"
+
+"Well, he said that he supposed that babies were good things in their
+way; but he hadn't seen many in the village, and he didn't quite
+realize what help a day-nursery would be to the working women."
+
+"That doesn't sound mighty enthusiastic. Maybe we might get the money;
+but who's to subscribe the babies?"
+
+"Why, the working women, of course."
+
+"They can't subscribe 'em if they haven't got 'em. There are mighty
+few kids in this town; and if you really want my candid opinion, I
+don't think Durford needs a day-nursery any more than it needs an
+icebox for cherubim. But then of course that doesn't matter much. When
+you goin' to begin?"
+
+"Next Monday. We have rented the store where Elkin's grocery used to
+be, and we are going to fit it up with cribs, and all the most
+up-to-date conveniences for a sanitary day-nursery."
+
+"Hm! Well, I'll do all I can to help you, of course. I suppose you'll
+find babies pushin' all over the sidewalk Monday mornin', comin' early
+to avoid the rush. Better get down as early as possible, Virginia."
+
+Virginia departed.
+
+After the furnishing of the incipient nursery had been completed, and
+each little crib had a new unbreakable doll whose cheeks were
+decorated with unsuckable paint, Virginia and Mary Quinn--invaluable
+in undertaking the spadework of all Virginia's parish exploits--gave
+an afternoon tea to which all the subscribers and their friends were
+invited. But when everything was in readiness for patronage, what few
+working women there were in Durford, possessed of the right kind of
+babies, seemed strangely reluctant to trust their youthful offspring
+to the tender mercies of Virginia Bascom and Mary Quinn.
+
+Consequently, the philanthropic movement, started under such favorable
+patronage, soon reached a critical stage in its career, and Mrs. Burke
+was called in to contribute some practical suggestions. She responded
+to the summons with all due promptness, and when she arrived at the
+nursery, she smilingly remarked:
+
+"Hm! But where are the babies? I thought they would be swarming all
+over the place like tadpoles in a pool."
+
+"Well, you see," Virginia began, her voice quivering with
+disappointment, "Mary Quinn and I have been sitting here four mortal
+days, and not a single infant has appeared on the scene. I must say
+that the working women of Durford seem strangely unappreciative of our
+efforts to help them."
+
+"Well," Mrs. Burke responded, "I suppose day-nurseries without babies
+are as incomplete as an incubator without eggs. But after all, it
+hardly seems worth while to go out and snatch nursing infants from
+their mother's breasts just to fill a long-felt want, does it?
+Besides, you might get yourself into trouble."
+
+"I didn't ask you to come and make fun of me," Virginia replied
+touchily. "I wanted you to make some suggestions to help us out. If we
+don't get any babies, we might just as well close our doors at once. I
+should be awfully mortified to have the whole thing a failure, after
+all we have done, and all the advertising we have had."
+
+Mrs. Burke sat down and assumed a very judicial expression.
+
+"Well, Ginty dear, I'm awful sorry for you; I don't doubt you done the
+best you could. It'd be unreasonable to expect you to collect babies
+like mushrooms in a single night. All true reformers are bound to
+strike snags, and to suffer because they aint appreciated in their own
+day and generation. It's only after we are gone and others take our
+places that the things we do are appreciated. You'll have to resign
+yourself to fate, Virginia, and wait for what the newspapers call 'the
+vindicatin' verdict of prosperity.' Think of all the people that tried
+to do things and didn't do 'em. Now there's the Christian
+martyrs----"
+
+For some reason Virginia seemed to have a vague suspicion that Hepsey
+was still making fun of her; and being considerably nettled, she
+interjected tartly:
+
+"I'm not working for the verdict of posterity, and I don't care a flip
+for the Christian martyrs. I'm trying to conduct a day-nursery, here
+and now; we have the beds, and the equipment, and some money,
+and----"
+
+"But you haven't got the babies, Virginia!"
+
+"Precisely, Mrs. Burke. It's simply a question of babies, now or
+never. Babies we must have or close our doors. I must confess that I
+am greatly pained at the lack of interest of the community in our
+humble efforts to serve them."
+
+For some time Hepsey sat in silence; then she smiled as if a bright
+idea occurred to her.
+
+"Why not borrow a few babies from the mothers in town, Virginia? You
+see, you might offer to pay a small rental by the hour, or take out a
+lease which could be renewed when it expired. What is lacking is
+public confidence in your enterprise. If you and Miss Quinn could be
+seen in the nursery windows dandlin' a baby on each arm, and singin'
+lullabies to 'em for a few days, it'd attract attention, inspire
+faith in the timid, and public confidence would be restored. The tide
+of babies'd turn your way after a while, and the nursery would prove a
+howlin' success."
+
+Virginia considered the suggestion and, after deep thought, remarked:
+
+"What do you think we ought to pay for the loan of a baby per hour,
+Mrs. Burke?"
+
+"Well, of course I haven't had much experience rentin' babies, as I
+have been busy payin' taxes and insurance on my own for some years;
+then you see rents have gone up like everything lately. But I should
+think that ten cents an afternoon ought to be sufficient. I think I
+might be able to hunt up a baby or two. Mrs. Warren might lend her
+baby, and perhaps Mrs. Fletcher might add her twins. I'll call on them
+at once, if you say so."
+
+Virginia looked relieved, and in a voice of gratitude responded:
+
+"You are really very, very kind."
+
+"Well, cheer up, Virginia; cheer up. Every cloud has its silver
+linin'; and I guess we can find some babies somewhere even if we have
+to advertise in the papers. Now I must be goin', and I'll stop on the
+way and make a bid for the Fletcher twins. Good-by."
+
+When Nicholas Burke learned from his mother of the quest of the
+necessary babies, he started out of his own motion and was the first
+to arrive on the scene with the spoils of victory, in the shape of the
+eighteen-months infant of Mrs. Thomas McCarthy, for which he had been
+obliged to pay twenty-five cents in advance, the infant protesting
+vigorously with all the power of a well developed pair of lungs. As
+Nickey delivered the goods, he remarked casually:
+
+"Say, Miss Virginia, you just take the darn thing quick. He's been
+howlin' to beat the band."
+
+"Why, Nickey," exclaimed Virginia, entranced, and gingerly possessing
+herself of James McCarthy, "however did you get him?"
+
+"His ma wouldn't let me have him at first; and it took an awful lot of
+jollyin' to bring her round. Of course I didn't mean to tell no lies,
+but I said you was awful fond of kids. I said that if you only had
+Jimmy, it would give the nursery a dandy send-off, 'cause she was so
+well known, and Mr. McCarthy was such a prominent citizen. When she
+saw me cough up a quarter and play with it right under her nose, I
+could see she was givin' in; and she says to me, 'Nickey, you can take
+him just this once. I'd like to help the good cause along, and Miss
+Bascom, she means well.' Ma's gettin' after the Fletcher twins for
+you."
+
+James McCarthy was welcomed with open arms, was washed and dressed in
+the most approved antiseptic manner; his gums were swabed with boracic
+acid, and he was fed from a sterilized bottle on Pasteurized milk, and
+tucked up in a crib with carbolized sheets, and placed close to the
+window where he could bask in actinic rays, and inhale ozone to his
+heart's content. Thus the passer-by could see at a glance that the
+good work had begun to bear fruit.
+
+Mrs. Burke managed to get hold of the Fletcher twins, and as they both
+howled lustily in unison, all the time, they added much to the natural
+domesticity of the scene and seemed to invite further patronage, like
+barkers at a side-show. Mrs. Warren was also persuaded.
+
+Although the village was thoroughly canvassed, Miss Bascom was obliged
+to content herself with the McCarthy baby and the Fletcher twins, and
+the Warren baby, until, one morning, a colored woman appeared with a
+bundle in her arms. As she was the first voluntary contributor of live
+stock, she was warmly welcomed, and a great fuss made over the tiny
+black infant which gradually emerged from the folds of an old shawl
+"like a cuckoo out of its cocoon," as Mary Quinn remarked. This, of
+course, was very nice and encouraging, but most unfortunately, when
+night came, the mother did not appear to claim her progeny, nor did
+she ever turn up again. Of course it was a mere oversight on her part,
+but Virginia was much disturbed, for, to her very great embarrassment,
+she found herself the undisputed possessor of a coal black baby. She
+was horrified beyond measure, and sent at once for Mrs. Burke.
+
+"What shall I do, what shall I do, Mrs. Burke?" she cried. Mrs. Burke
+gazed musingly at the writhing black blot on the white and rose
+blanket, and suggested:
+
+"Pity you couldn't adopt it, Virginia. You always loved children."
+
+"Adopt it!" Virginia screamed hysterically. "What in the world can you
+be thinking of?"
+
+"Well, I can't think of anything else, unless I can persuade Andy
+Johnston, the colored man on the farm, to adopt it. He wouldn't mind
+its complexion as much as you seem to."
+
+Virginia brightened considerably at this suggestion, exclaiming
+excitedly:
+
+"Oh Mrs. Burke, do you really think you could?"
+
+"Well, I don't know. Perhaps so. At any rate, if we offer to help pay
+the extra expense, Mrs. Johnston might bring the baby up as her own.
+Then they can name it Virginia Bascom Johnston, you see."
+
+Virginia bit her lip, but she managed to control her temper as she
+exclaimed quite cheerfully:
+
+"Mrs. Burke, you are so very kind. You are always helping somebody out
+of a scrape."
+
+"Don't overpraise me, Virginia. My head's easily turned. The teachin's
+of experience are hard--but I guess they're best in the end. Well,
+send the poor little imp of darkness round to me to-night, and I'll
+see that it has good care."
+
+As a matter of fact, Hepsey had qualms of conscience as to whether she
+should not, at the outset, have discouraged the whole baby project;
+experience threatened to give its lesson by pretty hard knocks, on
+this occasion.
+
+For though the immediate problem was thus easily solved, others
+presented themselves to vex the philanthropic Virginia.
+
+When on the tenth day the rental for the Warren baby and the Fletcher
+twins fell due, and the lease of James McCarthy expired without
+privilege of renewal, the finances of the nursery were at a very low
+ebb. It certainly did not help matters much when, towards night, Mary
+Quinn called Virginia's attention to the fact that there were
+unmistakable signs of a bad rash on the faces of the twins, and very
+suspicious spots on the cheeks of the Warren baby. Even the
+antiseptic James McCarthy blushed like a boiled lobster, and went
+hopelessly back on his sterilized character. Of course the only thing
+to be done was to send at once for the doctor, and for the mothers of
+the respective infants. When the doctor arrived he pronounced the
+trouble to be measles; and when the mothers made their appearance,
+Virginia learned something of the unsuspected resources of the English
+language served hot from the tongues of three frightened and irate
+women. Finally the floor was cleared, and the place closed up for
+disinfection.
+
+Just before she left, Virginia dropped into a chair and wept, quite
+oblivious of the well-meant consolations of Mary Quinn, sometime
+co-partner in "The Durford Day-Nursery for the Children of Working
+Women."
+
+"We've done the very best we could, Miss Bascom; and it certainly
+isn't our fault that the venture turned out badly. Poor babies!"
+
+At this the sobbing Virginia was roused to one last protest:
+
+"Mary Quinn, if ever you say another word to me about babies, I'll
+have you arrested. I just hate babies, and--and everything! Why, there
+comes Mr. Maxwell! Say, Mary, you just run and get me a wet towel to
+wipe my face with, while I hunt for my combs and do up my back hair.
+And then if you wouldn't mind vanishing for a while--I'm sure you
+understand--for if ever I needed spiritual consolation and the help of
+the church, it is now, this minute."
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER IX
+
+THE RECTORY
+
+
+A few weeks after Donald's conversational duel with Mrs. Burke he
+started on a six-weeks' vacation, which he had certainly earned; and
+as he busied himself with his packing,--Hepsey assisting,--he
+announced:
+
+"When I come back, Mrs. Burke, I probably shall not come alone."
+
+He was strapping up his suit-case when he made this rather startling
+announcement, and the effect seemed to send the blood to his head.
+Mrs. Burke did not seem to notice his confusion as she remarked
+calmly:
+
+"Hm! That's a good thing. Your grandmother can have the room next to
+yours, and we'll do all we can to make the old lady comfortable. I'm
+sure she'll be a great comfort to you, though she'll get a bit
+lonesome at times, unless she's active on her feet."
+
+Donald laughed, as he blushed more furiously and stuttered:
+
+"No, I am not going to bring my grandmother here, and I strongly
+suspect that you know what I mean. I'm going to be married."
+
+"So you are going to get married, are you?" Hepsey remarked with due
+amazement, as if the suspicion of the fact had never entered her head
+before. "Well, I am mighty glad of it. I only wish that I was goin' to
+be present to give you away. Yes, I'm mighty glad. She'll make a new
+man of you up here, so long as she isn't a new woman."
+
+"No, not in the slang sense of the word; although I think you will
+find her very capable, and I hope with all my heart that you'll like
+her."
+
+"I'm sure I shall. The question is whether she'll like me."
+
+Hepsey Burke looked rather sober for a moment, and Donald instantly
+asserted:
+
+"She can't help liking you."
+
+"We-ell now, I could mention quite a number of people who find it as
+easy as rolling off a log to _dis_like, me. But that doesn't matter
+much. I have found it a pretty good plan not to expect a great deal of
+adoration, and to be mighty grateful for the little you get. Be sure
+you let me know when to expect you and your grandmother back."
+
+"Most certainly I shall," he laughed. "It will be in about six weeks,
+you know. Good-by, and thank you a thousand times for all your
+kindness to me."
+
+There was considerable moisture in Hepsey's eyes as she stood and
+watched Maxwell drive down the road. Then wiping her eyes furtively
+with one corner of her apron she remarked to herself:
+
+"Well, I suppose I am glad, mighty glad; but somehow it isn't the
+jolliest thing in the world to have one's friends get married. They
+are never the same again; and in ten times out of six the lady in the
+case is jealous of her husband's friends, and tries to make trouble.
+It takes a lady saint to share her husband's interests with anybody,
+and maybe she 'aint to blame. Well, the next thing in order is to fix
+up the rectory in six weeks. The best way to repair that thing is with
+a match and some real good kerosene and a few shavings; however, we'll
+have to do the best we can. I think I'll set Jonathan Jackson to work
+this afternoon, and go around and interview the vestry myself."
+
+Jonathan proved resignedly obedient to Hepsey's demands, but the
+vestry blustered and scolded, because they had not been consulted in
+the matter, until Hepsey said she would be glad to receive any
+contribution they might choose to offer; then they relapsed into
+innocuous desuetude and talked crops.
+
+As soon as the repairs were well under way, the whole town was wild
+with gossip about Maxwell and Miss Bascom. If he were going to occupy
+the rectory, the necessary inference was that he was going to be
+married, as he surely would not contemplate keeping bachelor's hall by
+himself. At last Virginia had attained the height of her ambition and
+captured the rector! Consequently she was the center of interest in
+every social gathering, although, as the engagement had not been
+formally announced, no one felt at liberty to congratulate her. To any
+tentative and insinuating advances in this direction Virginia replied
+by non-committal smiles, capable of almost any interpretation; and the
+seeker after information was none the wiser.
+
+Mrs. Roscoe-Jones, by virtue of her long intimacy with Hepsey and her
+assured social position in Durford's thirty gentry, felt that she was
+entitled to some definite information; and so, as they walked back
+from church one Wednesday afternoon, she remarked:
+
+"I hear that the parish is going to repair the rectory, and that you
+are taking a great interest in it. You must be on very intimate terms
+with Mr. Bascom and the vestry!"
+
+"Well, not exactly. Bascom and I haven't held hands in the dark for
+some time; but I am going to do what I can to get the house in order
+for Mr. Maxwell."
+
+"I wonder where the money is coming from to complete the work? It
+seems to me that the whole parish ought to be informed about the
+matter, and share in the work; but I suppose Mr. Bascom's shouldering
+it all, since there's been no effort to raise money by having a
+fair."
+
+"I really don't know much about it as yet, Sarah. Of course Bascom's
+charitable work is mostly done in secret, so that nobody ever finds it
+out. He is a modest man and wouldn't like to be caught in the act of
+signing a check for anybody else. It might seem showy."
+
+"Yes, I understand," Mrs. Roscoe-Jones retorted dryly; "but under the
+circumstances, that is----"
+
+"Under what circumstances?" Mrs. Burke inquired quickly.
+
+"Oh, considering that Mr. Bascom is Virginia's father and would want
+to make her comfortable, you know----"
+
+"No, I don't know. I'm awful stupid about some things. You must have
+discovered that before."
+
+"Now Hepsey, what is the use of beating around the bush like this? You
+must know the common gossip of the town, and you must be in Mr.
+Maxwell's confidence. What shall I say when people ask me if he is
+engaged to Virginia Bascom?"
+
+"Tell 'em you don't know a blessed thing about it. What else can you
+tell 'em? You might tell 'em that you tried to pump me and the pump
+wouldn't work 'cause it needed packin'."
+
+After this, Mrs. Roscoe-Jones felt that there was nothing left for her
+to do but retire from the scene; so she crossed the road.
+
+When Mrs. Burke began the actual work on the rectory she quickly
+realized what she had to cope with. The workmen of Durford had a
+pleasing habit of accepting all offers of work, and promising
+anything, and making a start so as to get the job; and then, having
+upset the whole premises, they promptly "lit out" for parts unknown in
+order to get another job, and no mortal knew when they would return.
+It always seemed promising and hopeful to see a laboring man arrive in
+his overalls with his dinner-pail and tools at seven; but when two
+hours later he had vanished, not to return, it was a bit discouraging.
+Mrs. Burke was not in a very good humor when, arriving at the rectory,
+she met Tom Snyder the plumber, at ten-thirty, walking briskly away
+from his job. She planted herself squarely across the walk and began:
+
+"Good morning, Thomas; where are you going, if I may ask?"
+
+"I am going back for my tools, Mrs. Burke."
+
+"Excuse me, Thomas, but you were never more mistaken in your life. You
+put the kitchen pipes out of business two weeks ago, and you must have
+been goin' back for your tools ever since. I suppose you're chargin'
+me by the hour for goin' backwards."
+
+Thomas looked sheepish and scratched his head with his dirty fingers.
+
+"No, but I have to finish a little job I begun for Elias Warden on the
+hill. I'll be back again right away."
+
+"None of that, Thomas. You're goin' back to the rectory with me now,
+and if the job isn't finished by six o'clock, you'll never get your
+hands on it again."
+
+The crestfallen Thomas reluctantly turned around and accompanied
+Hepsey back to the rectory and finished his work in half an hour.
+
+After much trial and tribulation the rectory was duly repaired,
+replastered, and papered. The grass had been cut; the bushes were
+trimmed; and the house had been painted. Then Mrs. Burke obtained a
+hayrack with a team, and taking Nickey and Jonathan Jackson with her,
+made a tour of the parish asking for such furniture as individual
+parishioners were willing to give. Late in the afternoon she arrived
+at the rectory with a very large load, and the next day Jonathan was
+made to set to work with his tools, and she started in with some paint
+and varnish, and the result seemed eminently satisfactory to her, even
+though her hands were stained, she had had no dinner, and her hair was
+stuck to her head here and there in shiny spots. As they were leaving
+the house to return home for supper, she scowled severely at Jonathan
+as she remarked:
+
+"Jonathan, I do believe you've got more red paint on the top of your
+head than you left on the kitchen chairs. Do for mercy sake wash the
+end of your nose. I don't care to be seen comin' out of here with you
+lookin' like that," she added scathingly.
+
+After that, it was, as Mrs. Burke remarked, just fun to finish the
+rectory; and though so much had been given by the people of the
+parish, there were many new pieces of furniture delivered, for which
+no one could account. As neither Mr. Bascom nor Miss Bascom had sent
+anything, and as neither had appeared on the scene, excitement was at
+fever heat. Rumor had it that Virginia had gone to the city for a week
+or so, to buy her trousseau. Presently the report circulated that
+Maxwell was going to bring his bride back with him when he returned
+from his vacation.
+
+The day before the one set for Maxwell's arrival Mrs. Burke confessed
+the truth, and suggested that the rectory be stocked with provisions,
+so that the bride and groom should have something to eat when they
+first got home. The idea seemed to please the parish, and provisions
+began to arrive and were placed in the cellar, or on the newly painted
+pantry shelves, or in the neat cupboards. Mrs. Talbot sent a bushel of
+potatoes, Mrs. Peterson a pan of soda biscuit, Mrs. Andrews two loaves
+of bread; Mrs. Squires donated a pan of soda biscuit, Mrs. Johnson
+some frosted cake, and Mrs. Marlow two bushels of apples. Mrs. Hurd
+sent a pan of soda biscuit, Mrs. Waldorf three dozen eggs, and a sack
+of flour; Mrs. Freyburg sent a pan of soda biscuit, Mrs. Jones a
+boiled ham, Mrs. Orchardson two bushels of turnips and half a pan of
+soda biscuit.
+
+Mrs. Burke received the provisions as they arrived, and put them where
+they belonged. Just about supper time Mrs. Loomis came with a large
+bundle under her arm and remarked to Hepsey:
+
+"I thought I'd bring something nobody else would think of--something
+out of the ordinary that perhaps Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell would relish."
+
+"I'm sure that was real thoughtful of you, Mrs. Loomis," Hepsey
+replied. "What have you got?"
+
+"Well," Mrs. Loomis responded, "I thought I'd bring 'em two pans of my
+nice fresh soda biscuit."
+
+Mrs. Burke kept her face straight, and responded cheerfully:
+
+"That was awful nice of you, Mrs. Loomis."
+
+"Oh, that's all right. And if you want any more, just let me know."
+
+Finally, when the door was closed on the last contributor, Mrs. Burke
+dropped into a chair and called:
+
+"Jonathan Jackson, come here quick."
+
+Jonathan responded promptly, and anxiously inquired:
+
+"Hepsey, be you ill?"
+
+"No, I'm not sick; but we have ten pans of soda biscuit. They are in
+the pantry, down cellar, in the woodshed, on the parlor table. For
+mercy's sake take eight pans out to the chickens or stick 'em on the
+picket fence. I just loathe soda biscuit; and if any more come I shall
+throw 'em at the head of the woman that brings 'em."
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER X
+
+THE BRIDE'S ARRIVAL
+
+
+Next morning, when Nickey brought up the mail, Mrs. Burke looked
+anxiously over her letters until she came to the one she was
+expecting. She read it in silence.
+
+The gist of the matter was that Maxwell had been married to the nicest
+girl in the world, and was looking forward to having Mrs. Burke meet
+her, and to have his wife know the woman who had been so supremely
+good to him in the parish. He closed by informing her that they were
+to return the next day at five P. M., and if it were not asking too
+much, he hoped that she would take them in for a few days until they
+could find quarters elsewhere. The letter was countersigned by a
+pretty little plea for friendship from "Mrs. Betty."
+
+Mrs. Burke replaced the letter and murmured to herself, smiling:
+
+"Poor little dear! Of course they could come and stay as long as they
+pleased; but as the rectory is in order, I think that I'll meet them
+at the depot, and take them there direct. They'll be much happier
+alone by themselves from the start. I'll have supper ready for 'em,
+and cook the chickens while they're unpackin' their trunks."
+
+As Mrs. Burke thought it best to maintain a discreet silence as to the
+time of their arrival, there was no one but herself to meet them at
+the station when the train pulled in. As Maxwell presented his wife to
+Mrs. Burke, Hepsey took the girl's two hands in hers and kissed her
+heartily, and then, looking at her keenly as the bride blushed under
+her searching gaze, she remarked:
+
+"You're a dreadful disappointment, Mrs. Maxwell. I'm afraid it'll take
+me a long time to get over it."
+
+"I am horribly sorry to disappoint you so, Mrs. Burke."
+
+Maxwell laughed, while Mrs. Betty looked puzzled.
+
+"Yes," Mrs. Burke continued, "you're a dreadful disappointment. Your
+picture isn't half as sweet as you are." Then turning to Maxwell, she
+said:
+
+"Why didn't you tell me? Who taught you to pick out just the right
+sort of wife, I'd like to know?"
+
+"_She_ did!" Maxwell replied, pointing delightedly to the young woman,
+who was still smiling and blushing under Hepsey's inspection.
+
+"But Mrs. Burke," Mrs. Betty interposed, "can't you give me a little
+credit for 'picking out' Donald, as you say?"
+
+"Yes; Mr. Maxwell's pretty fine, though I wouldn't want to have you
+tell him so, for anything. But I know, because Durford is calculated
+to test a man's mettle, if any place ever was. Now Mrs. Betty, if
+that's what I'm to call you, if you'll get into the wagon we'll drive
+home and have some supper. You must be 'most famished by this time, if
+you stop thinkin' about Mr. Maxwell long enough to have an appetite. I
+suppose that we might have had a committee of the vestry down here to
+bid you welcome to Durford; and Nickey suggested the village band and
+some hot air balloons, and that the boys of the parish should pull
+the carriage up to the house after they'd presented you with a
+magnificent bouquet; but I thought you'd just like to slip in
+unnoticed and get acquainted with your parishioners one at a time.
+It'd be simply awful to have a whole bunch of 'em thrown at your head
+at once; and as for the whole vestry--well, never mind."
+
+They got into the "democrat" and started out at a smart trot, but when
+they came to the road which turned toward Thunder Cliff, Mrs. Burke
+drove straight across the green.
+
+"Why, where are you going, Mrs. Burke?" Maxwell exclaimed.
+
+"Well, I thought that maybe Mrs. Betty would like to get a sight of
+the town before we went home."
+
+When they came to the rectory and turned into the yard, the wonderful
+transformation dawned on Maxwell.
+
+"My gracious, what a change! It's perfectly marvelous," he exclaimed.
+"Why Mrs. Burke, I believe you've brought us here to live!"
+
+"Right you are, my friend. This is where you belong."
+
+"Well, you certainly do beat the Dutch. Who is responsible for all
+this, I'd like to know? But of course it's you."
+
+"Well, I had a hand in it, but so did the whole parish. Now walk right
+in and make yourselves at home."
+
+Mrs. Burke enjoyed to the full Maxwell's surprise and delight, as he
+and Mrs. Betty explored the house like a couple of very enthusiastic
+children. When they got into the china closet and Mrs. Betty found a
+silver tea-ball she exclaimed rapturously:
+
+"Look here, Donald! Did you ever see the like of this? Here is a
+regular tea-ball. We will have tea every afternoon at four, and Mrs.
+Burke will be our guest. How perfectly delightful."
+
+This remark seemed to please Hepsey mightily, as she exclaimed:
+
+"Oh, my, no! Do you want to spoil my nervous system? We are not given
+much to tea-balls in Durford. We consider ourselves lucky if we get a
+plain old-fashioned pot. Now you get fixed up," she directed, "while I
+get supper ready, and I'll stay just this time, if you'll let me, and
+then if you can stand it, perhaps you'll ask me again."
+
+Soon they sat down to a little table covered with spotless linen and a
+pretty set of white china with gold bands. Maxwell did not say much;
+he was still too surprised and delighted.
+
+[Illustration: "OH WELL, I ALWAYS BELIEVE THAT TWO YOUNG MARRIED PEOPLE
+SHOULD START OUT BY THEMSELVES, AND THEN IF THEY GET INTO
+A FAMILY ROW IT WON'T SCANDALIZE THE PARISH"]
+
+The broiled chickens and the browned potato balls were placed before
+Maxwell, who faced Mrs. Betty--Hepsey sitting between them.
+
+"Now this is what I call rich," Maxwell exclaimed as he carved. "I
+hadn't the slightest suspicion that we were to come here and find all
+these luxuries."
+
+"However did the house get furnished?" chimed in Mrs. Betty.
+
+"Oh well," Mrs. Burke replied, "I always believe that two young
+married people should start out by themselves, you know; and then if
+they get into a family row it won't scandalize the parish. The only
+new thing about the furnishings is paint and varnish. I drove around
+and held up the parish, and made them stand and deliver the goods, and
+Jonathan Jackson and I touched it up a little; that's all."
+
+"We ought to acknowledge each gift personally," Maxwell said. "You
+must tell us who's given what."
+
+"Oh, no you won't. When I took these things away from their owners by
+force, I acknowledged them in the politest way possible, so as to save
+you the trouble. You're not supposed to know where a thing came
+from."
+
+"But there must have been a lot of money spent on the rectory to get
+it into shape," Maxwell asserted. "Where did it all come from?"
+
+Mrs. Burke grinned with amusement.
+
+"Why, can't you guess? Of course it was that merry-hearted, generous
+old Senior Warden of yours. Who else could it be? If there is anything
+you need, just let us know."
+
+"But the house seems to be very completely furnished as it is."
+
+"No, not yet. If you look around you'll see lots of things that aren't
+here."
+
+Mrs. Betty quite raved over the salad, made of lettuce, oranges,
+walnuts and a mayonnaise dressing. Then there came ice cream and
+chocolate sauce, followed by black coffee.
+
+"This is quite too much, Mrs. Burke. You must be a superb cook. I am
+horribly afraid you'll have spoiled Donald, so that my cooking will
+seem very tame to him," Mrs. Betty remarked.
+
+"Well, never mind, Mrs. Betty. If worst comes to worst there are seven
+pans of soda biscuit secreted around the premises somewhere; so don't
+be discouraged. There are lots of things you can do with a soda
+biscuit, if you know how. Now we'll just clear the table, and wash the
+dishes, and put things away."
+
+When about nine o'clock she arose to go, Maxwell took both Hepsey's
+hands in his and said quietly:
+
+"Mrs. Burke, I'm more indebted to you than I can possibly say, for all
+you have done for us. I wish I knew how to thank you properly, but I
+don't."
+
+"Oh, never mind that," Mrs. Burke replied, a mist gathering in her
+eyes, "it's been lots of fun, and if you're satisfied I'm more than
+pleased." Then, putting her arm around Mrs. Betty's waist, she
+continued:
+
+"Remember that we're not payin' this nice little wife of yours to do
+parish work, and if people interfere with her you just tell em to go
+to Thunder Cliff. Good-by."
+
+She was turning away when suddenly she stopped, an expression of
+horror on her face:
+
+"My! think of that now! This was a bride's dinner-party, and I put
+yellow flowers on the table, instead of white! What'd city folks say
+to that!"
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XI
+
+VIRGINIA'S HIGH HORSE
+
+
+Mrs. Betty soon succeeded in winning a place for herself in the hearts
+of her parishioners, and those who called to look over her "clothes,"
+and see if she was going to "put on airs" as a city woman, called
+again because they really liked her. She returned the calls with equal
+interest, and soon had her part of the parish organization well in
+hand.
+
+Maxwell's choice was, in fact, heartily approved--except by Virginia
+Bascom and the Senior Warden. The former took the opportunity to
+leave cards on an afternoon when all Durford was busily welcoming
+Betty at a tea; and was "not at home" when Betty duly returned the
+call. Virginia was also careful not to "see" either Betty or her
+husband if, by any chance, they passed her when in town.
+
+Of all of which manoeuvres Betty and Donald remained apparently
+sublimely unconscious.
+
+As a means of making some return for the good-hearted generosity and
+hospitality of the inhabitants, represented by the furniture at the
+rectory and many tea-parties under various roof-trees, Mrs. Maxwell
+persuaded her husband that they should give a parish party.
+
+So invitations were issued broadcast, and Mrs. Burke was asked to scan
+the lists, lest anyone be omitted. China sufficient for the occasion
+was supplemented by Hepsey Burke and Jonathan Jackson, and Nickey laid
+his invaluable services under contribution to fetch and
+carry--organizing a corps of helpers.
+
+The whole adult village,--at least the feminine portion of it,--young
+and old, presented themselves at the party, dressed in their best bibs
+and tuckers, amusing themselves outdoors at various improvised games,
+under the genial generalship of their host; and regaling themselves
+within at the tea-tables presided over by Mrs. Betty, whose pride it
+was to have prepared with her own hands,--assisted by the
+indefatigable Hepsey,--all the cakes and preserves and other
+confections provided for the occasion. The whole party was one
+whole-hearted, simply convivial gathering--with but a single note to
+mar it; and who knows whether the rector, and still less the rector's
+wife, would have noticed it, but for Hepsey Burke's subsequent
+"boiling over?"
+
+When the games and feast were at full swing, Virginia Bascom's
+loud-voiced automobile drove up, and the door-bell pealed. The guests
+ceased chattering and the little maid, hired for the occasion, hurried
+from the tea-cups to answer the haughty summons. Through the silence
+in the tea-room, produced by the overpowering clatter of the bell, the
+voice of the little maid,--quite too familiar for the proper formality
+of the occasion, in Virginia's opinion,--was heard to pipe out
+cheerily:
+
+"Come right in, Miss Virginia; the folks has eat most all the
+victuals--but I guess Mrs. Maxwell'll find ye some."
+
+"Please announce 'Miss Virginia Bascom'," droned the lady, ignoring
+the untoward levity of the now cowering maid, and followed her to the
+door of the room full of guests, where she paused impressively.
+
+"Mrs. Bascom," called the confused maid, through the solemn silence,
+as all eyes turned towards the door, "here's,--this is,--I mean Miss
+Virginia says Miss Virginia Maxwell----" After which confusing and
+somewhat embarrassing announcement the maid summarily fled to the
+kitchen, and left Virginia to her own devices.
+
+Betty at once came forward, and quite ignoring the error, smiled a
+pleasant welcome.
+
+"Miss Bascom, it is very nice to know you at last. We have been so
+unlucky, have we not?"
+
+Virginia advanced rustling, and gave Betty a frigid finger-tip, held
+shoulder-high, and cast a collective stare at hostess and guests
+through her lorgnette, bowing to Maxwell and ignoring his proffered
+handshake.
+
+There was an awkward pause. For once even Betty-the-self-possessed was
+at a loss for the necessary tactics.
+
+A hearty voice soon filled the empty spaces: "Hello there, Ginty; I
+always did say those auto's was a poor imitation of a street-car; when
+they get balky and leave you sticking in the road-side and make you
+behind-time, you can't so much as get your fare back and walk. None
+but royalty, duchesses, and the four-hundred can afford to risk
+losing their cup o' tea in them things."
+
+There was a general laugh at Hepsey's sally, and conversation again
+resumed its busy buzzing, and Virginia was obliged to realize that her
+entry had been something of a frost.
+
+She spent some minutes drawing off her gloves, sipped twice at a cup
+of tea, and nibbled once at a cake; spent several more minutes getting
+her hands back into her gloves, fixed a good-by smile on her face,
+murmured some unintelligible words to her hostess, and departed,
+annoyed to realize that the engine of the awaiting car--kept running
+to emphasize her comet-like passage through so mixed an assembly--had
+become quite inaudible to the company.
+
+"Such an insult!" stormed the lady, as she returned home in high
+dudgeon. "I might have been a nobody, the way they treated me. Dad
+shall hear of this; and I'll see that he puts them where they belong.
+The impudence! And after his t-treating me s-s-so!" she wept with
+chagrin, and malice that betokened no good to the rector and his
+little wife.
+
+Even so, it is doubtful if the host and hostess would have permitted
+themselves to notice the supercilious rudeness of the leader of
+Durford "Society," had Hepsey been able to curb her indignation.
+
+As she and Betty and the little maid, assisted by Donald and Nickey
+and his helpers, were clearing up the fragments that remained of the
+entertainment, Hepsey broke forth:
+
+"If I don't set that young woman down in her place where she belongs
+before I've done, I've missed my guess: 'Please announce Miss Virginia
+Bascom,' indeed! If that isn't sauce, I'm the goose."
+
+"Oh never mind, Mrs. Burke," soothed Betty in a low voice; "she'll
+soon realize that we're doing things in good old country style, and
+haven't brought any city ways with us to Durford. I dare say she
+thought----"
+
+"Thought nothin'!" replied the exasperated Hepsey. "I'll thought her,
+with her high looks and her proud stomach, as the psalmist says. I'd
+like--oh, wouldn't I just like to send up a nice little basket of
+these left-over victuals to Ginty, 'with Mrs. Maxwell's regards.'"
+
+She laughed heartily, but Betty was determined not to let herself
+dwell on anything so trivial, and soon, by way of changing the
+subject, she was putting Nickey up to the idea of forming a boy-scout
+corps, which, as she added, could present the village with a
+thoroughly versatile organization, both useful and ornamental.
+
+"Gee," remarked Nickey, who quickly saw himself captaining a body of
+likely young blades, "that'd be some lively corpse, believe me. When
+can we start in, Mrs. Maxwell?"
+
+"You must ask Mr. Maxwell all about that, Nickey," she laughed.
+
+"But not now," interposed his mother. "You come along with me this
+minute, and let Mr. Maxwell have a bit of peace; I know how he just
+loves these teas. Good night, all!" she called as she departed with
+her son under her wing.
+
+"Donald! Wasn't it all fun--and weren't they all splendid?" Betty
+glowed.
+
+"More fun than a barrel of Bascoms--monkeys, I mean," he corrected
+himself, laughing at Betty's shocked expression.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XII
+
+HOUSE CLEANING AND BACHELORHOOD
+
+
+Apart from Mrs. Burke, there was no one in the town who so completely
+surrendered to Mrs. Maxwell's charms as Jonathan Jackson, the Junior
+Warden. Betty had penetration enough to see, beneath the man's rough
+exterior, all that was fine and lovable, and she treated him with a
+jolly, friendly manner that warmed his heart.
+
+One day she and Mrs. Burke went over to call on Jonathan, and found
+him sitting in the woodshed on a tub turned bottom upwards, looking
+very forlorn and disconsolate.
+
+"What's the matter, Jonathan? You look as if you had committed the
+unpardonable sin," Hepsey greeted him.
+
+"No, it 'aint me," Jonathan replied; "it's Mary McGuire that's the
+confounded sinner this time."
+
+"Well, what's Mary been up to now?"
+
+"Mary McGuire's got one of her attacks of house-cleanin' on, and I
+tell you it's a bad one. Drat the nuisance."
+
+"Why Jonathan! Don't swear like that."
+
+"Well, I be hanged if I can stand this sort of thing much longer.
+Mary, she's the deuce and all, when she once gets started
+house-cleanin'."
+
+"Oh dear," Mrs. Betty sympathized. "It's a bother, isnt it? But it
+doesn't take so long, and it will soon be over, won't it?"
+
+"Well, I don't know as to that," replied Jonathan disconsolately.
+"Mary McGuire seems to think that the whole house must be turned wrong
+side out, and every bit of furniture I've got deposited in the front
+yard. Now, Mrs. Betty, you just look over there once. There's yards
+and yards of clothes-line covered with carpets and rugs and curtains
+I've been ordered to clean. It's somethin' beyond words. The whole
+place looks as if there was goin' to be an auction, or a rummage sale,
+or as if we had moved out 'cause the house was afire. Then she falls
+to with tubs of boilin' hot soap-suds, until it fills your lungs, and
+drips off the ends of your nose and your fingers, and smells like
+goodness knows what."
+
+"Jonathan!" Hepsey reproved.
+
+"Are you exaggerating just the least bit?" echoed Betty.
+
+"No ma'am, I'm not. Words can't begin to tell the tale when Mary gets
+the fever on. I thought I noticed symptoms of house-cleanin' last
+week. Mary was eyein' things round the house, and givin' me less and
+less to eat, and lookin' at me with that cold-storage stare of hers
+that means death or house-cleanin'."
+
+"But, Mr. Jackson," Betty pleaded, "your house has to be cleaned
+sometimes, you know."
+
+"Sure thing," Jonathan replied. "But there's altogether too much of
+this house-cleanin' business goin' on to suit me. I don't see any dirt
+anywheres."
+
+"That's because you are a man," Hepsey retorted. "Men never see dirt
+until they have to take a shovel to it."
+
+Jonathan sighed hopelessly. "What's the use of bein' a widower," he
+continued, "if you can't even have your own way in your own house,
+I'd just like to know? I have to eat odds and ends of cold victuals
+out here in the woodshed, or anywhere Mary McGuire happens to drop
+'em."
+
+"That's tough luck, Mr. Jackson. You just come over to dinner with
+Donald and me and have a square meal."
+
+"I'd like to awful well, Mrs. Maxwell, but I dasn't: if I didn't camp
+out and eat her cold victuals she'd laid out for me, it'd spoil the
+pleasure of house-cleanin' for her. 'Taint as though it was done with
+when she's finished, neither. After it's all over, and things are set
+to rights, they're all wrong. Some shades won't roll up. Some won't
+roll down; why, I've undressed in the dark before now, since one of
+'em suddenly started rollin' up on me before I'd got into bed, and
+scared the wits out of me. She'll be askin' me to let her give the
+furnace a sponge bath next. I believe she'd use tooth-powder on the
+inside of a boiled egg, if she only knew how. This house-cleanin'
+racket is all dum nonsense, anyhow."
+
+"Why Jonathan! Don't swear like that," Betty exclaimed laughing; "Mr.
+Maxwell's coming."
+
+"I said _d-u-m_, Mrs. Betty; I never say nothin' worse than
+that--'cept when I lose my temper," he added, safely, examining first
+the hone and then the edge of the scythe, as if intending to sharpen
+it.
+
+[Illustration: "I AIN'T A CHICKEN NO MORE, MRS. BETTY, AND I'VE 'MOST
+FORGOT HOW TO DO A BIT OF COURTIN'"]
+
+Hepsey had gone into the house to inspect for herself the thoroughness
+of Mary McGuire's operations; Betty thought the opportunity favorable
+for certain counsels.
+
+"The trouble with you is you shouldn't be living alone, like this,
+Jonathan. You have all the disadvantages of a house, and none of the
+pleasures of a home."
+
+"Yes," he responded, yawning, "it's true enough; but I 'aint a chicken
+no more, Mrs. Betty, and I've 'most forgot how to do a bit of
+courtin'. What with cleanin' up, and puttin' on your Sunday clothes,
+and goin' to the barber's, and gettin' a good ready, it's a
+considerable effort for an old man like me."
+
+"People don't want to see your clothes; they want to see you. If you
+feel obliged to, you can send your Sunday clothes around some day and
+let her look at them once for all. Keeping young is largely a matter
+of looking after your digestion and getting plenty of sleep. Its all
+foolishness for you to talk about growing old. Why, you are in the
+prime of life."
+
+"Hm! Yes. And why don't you tell me that I look real handsome, and
+that the girls are all crazy for me. You're an awful jollier, Mrs.
+Betty, though I'll admit that a little jollyin' does me a powerful
+lot of good now and then. I sometimes like to believe things I know
+to a certainty 'aint true, if they make me feel good."
+
+For a moment Betty kept silent, gazing into the kindly face, and then
+the instinct of match-making asserted itself too strongly to be
+resisted.
+
+"There's no sense in your being a lonesome widower. Why don't you get
+married? I mean it."
+
+For a moment Jonathan was too astounded at the audacity of the serious
+suggestion to reply; but when he recovered his breath he exclaimed:
+
+"Well, I swan to man! What will you ask me to be doin' next?"
+
+"Oh, I mean it, all right," persisted Mrs. Betty. "Here you've got a
+nice home for a wife, and I tell you you need the happiness of a real
+home. You will live a whole lot longer if you have somebody to love
+and look after; and if you want to know what you will be asking me to
+do next, I will wager a box of candy it will be to come to your
+wedding."
+
+"Make it cigars, Mrs. Betty; I'm not much on candy. Maybe you're up to
+tellin' me who'll have me. I haven't noticed any females makin'
+advances towards me in some time now. The only woman I see every day
+is Mary McGuire, and she'd make a pan-cake griddle have the blues if
+she looked at it."
+
+Mrs. Betty grasped her elbow with one hand, and putting the first
+finger of the other hand along the side of her little nose,
+whispered:
+
+"What's the matter with Mrs. Burke?"
+
+Jonathan deliberately pulled a hair from his small remaining crop and
+cut it with the scythe, as if he had not heard Betty's impertinent
+suggestion. But finally he replied:
+
+"There's nothin' the matter with Mrs. Burke that I know of; but that's
+no reason why she should be wantin' to marry me."
+
+"She thinks a great deal of you; I know she does."
+
+"How do you know she does?"
+
+"Well, I heard her say something very nice about you yesterday."
+
+"Hm! Did you? What was it?"
+
+"She said that you were the most--the most economical man she ever
+met."
+
+"Sure she didn't say I was tighter than the bark on a tree? I guess I
+'aint buyin' no weddin' ring on the strength of that. Now, Mrs. Betty,
+you just try again. I guess you're fooling me!"
+
+"Oh no, really I'm not. I never was more serious in my life. I mean
+just what I say. I know Mrs. Burke really thinks a very great deal of
+you, and if you like her, you ought to propose to her. Every moment a
+man remains single is an outrageous waste of time."
+
+Jonathan grinned as he retorted:
+
+"Well, no man would waste any time if all the girls were like you.
+They'd all be comin' early to avoid the rush. Is Mrs. Burke employin'
+your services as a matrimonial agent? Maybe you won't mind tellin' me
+what you're to get if the deal pulls off. Is there a rake-off
+anywheres?"
+
+Betty laughed, and Jonathan was silent for a while, squinting at the
+scythe-edge, first from one angle, then from another, and tentatively
+raising the hone as if to start sharpening.
+
+"Well, Mrs. Betty," he said presently, "seein' I can't possibly marry
+you, I don't mind tellin' you that I think the next best thing would
+be to marry Hepsey Burke. She's been a mighty good friend and neighbor
+ever since my wife died; but she wouldn't look at the likes of me.
+'Twouldn't be the least use of proposin' to her."
+
+"How do you know it wouldn't? You are not afraid of proposing, are
+you?"
+
+"No, of course not; but I can't run over and propose, as I would ask
+her to lend me some clothes-line. That'd be too sudden; and courtin'
+takes a lot of time and trouble. I guess I 'most forgot how by this
+time; and then, to tell you the truth, I always was a bit shy. It took
+me near onto five years to work myself up to the sticking point when I
+proposed to my first wife."
+
+"Well, now that's easy enough; Mrs. Burke usually sits on the side
+porch after supper with her knitting. Why don't you drop over
+occasionally, and approach the matter gradually? It wouldn't take long
+to work up to the point."
+
+"But how shall I begin? I guess you'll have to give me lessons."
+
+"Oh, make her think you are very lonely. Pity is akin to love, you
+know."
+
+"But she knows well enough I'm mighty lonely at times. That won't
+do."
+
+"Then make her think that you are a regular daredevil, and are going
+to the bad. Maybe she'll marry you to save you."
+
+"Me, goin' to the bad at my age, and the Junior Warden of the church,
+too. What are you thinkin' of?"
+
+"It is never too late to mend, you know. You might try being a little
+frisky, and see what happens."
+
+"Oh, I know what would happen all right. She'd be over here in two
+jerks of a lamb's tail, and read the riot act, and scare me out of a
+year's growth. Hepsey's not a little thing to be playin' with."
+
+"Well, you just make a start. Anything to make a start, and the rest
+will come easy."
+
+"My, how the neighbors'd talk!"
+
+"Talk is cheap; and besides, in a quiet place like this it's a
+positive duty to afford your neighbors some diversion; you ought to be
+thankful. You'll become a public benefactor. Now will you go ahead?"
+
+"Mrs. Betty, worry's bad for the nerves, and's apt to produce insomny
+and neurastheny. But I'll think it over--yes, I will--I'll think it
+over."
+
+Whereupon he suddenly began to whet his scythe with such vim as
+positively startled Betty.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XIII
+
+THE CIRCUS
+
+
+The Maxwells were, in fact, effectively stirring up the ambitions of
+their flock, routing the older members out of a too easy-going
+acceptance of things-as-they-are, and giving to the younger ones
+vistas of a life imbued with more color and variety than had hitherto
+entered their consciousness. And yet it happened at Durford, on
+occasion, that this awakening of new talents and individuality
+produced unlocked for complications.
+
+"Oh yes," Hepsey remarked one day to Mrs. Betty, when the subject of
+conversation had turned to Mrs. Burke's son and heir, "Nickey means to
+be a good boy, but he's as restless as a kitten on a hot Johnny-cake.
+He isn't a bit vicious, but he do run his heels down at the corners,
+and he's awful wearin' on his pants-bottoms and keeps me patchin' and
+mendin' most of the time--'contributing to the end in view,' as
+Abraham Lincoln said. But, woman-like, I guess he finds the warmest
+spot in my heart when I'm doin' some sort of repairin' on him or his
+clothes. It would be easier if his intentions wasn't so good, 'cause I
+could spank him with a clear conscience if he was vicious. But after
+all, Nickey seems to have a winnin' way about him. He knows every
+farmer within three miles; he'll stop any team he meets, climb into
+the wagon seat, take the reins, and enjoy himself to his heart's
+content. All the men seem to like him and give in to him; more's the
+pity! And he seems to just naturally lead the other kids in their
+games and mischief."
+
+"Oh well, I wouldn't give a cent for a boy who didn't get into
+mischief sometimes," consoled Mrs. Betty.
+
+At which valuation Nickey was then in process of putting himself and
+his young friends at a premium. For, about this time, in their efforts
+to amuse themselves, Nickey and some of his friends constructed a
+circus ring back of the barn: After organizing a stock company and
+conducting several rehearsals, the rest of the boys in the
+neighborhood were invited to form an audience, and take seats which
+had been reserved for them without extra charge on an adjoining lumber
+pile. Besides the regular artists there were a number of specialists
+or "freaks," who added much to the interest and excitement of the
+show.
+
+For example, Sam Cooley, attired in one of Mrs. Burke's discarded
+underskirts, filched from the ragbag, with some dried cornstalk gummed
+on his face, impersonated the famous Bearded Lady from Hoboken.
+
+Billy Burns, wearing a very hot and stuffy pillow buttoned under his
+coat and thrust down into his trousers, represented the world-renowned
+Fat Man from Spoonville. His was rather a difficult role to fill
+gracefully, because the squashy pillow would persist in bulging out
+between his trousers and his coat in a most indecent manner; and it
+kept him busy most of the time tucking it in.
+
+Dimple Perkins took the part of the Snake Charmer from Brooklyn, and
+at intervals wrestled fearlessly with a short piece of garden hose
+which was labeled on the bills as an "Anna Condy." This he wound
+around his neck in the most reckless manner possible; it was quite
+enough to make one's blood run cold to watch him.
+
+The King of the Cannibal Islands was draped in a buffalo robe, with a
+gilt paper crown adorning his head, and a very suggestive mutton-bone
+in his hand.
+
+Poor little Herman Amdursky was selected for the Living Skeleton,
+because of the spindle-like character of his nethermost limbs. He had
+to remove his trousers and his coat, and submit to having his ribs
+wound with yards of torn sheeting, in order that what little flesh he
+had might be compressed to the smallest possible compass. The result
+was astonishingly satisfactory.
+
+The Wild Man from Borneo wore his clothes wrong side out, as it is
+well known wild men from Borneo always do; and he ate grass with
+avidity. Wry-mouthed and squint-eyed, he was the incarnation of the
+cubist ideal.
+
+When all this splendid array of talent issued from the dressing-room
+and marched triumphantly around the ring, it was indeed a proud moment
+in the annals of Durford, and the applause from the lumber pile could
+be heard at least two blocks.
+
+After the procession, the entertainment proper consisted of some high
+and lofty tumbling, the various "turns" of the respective stars, and
+then, last of all, as a grand finale, Charley, the old raw-boned farm
+horse who had been retired on a pension for at least a year, was led
+triumphantly into the ring, with Nickey Burke standing on his back!
+
+Charley, whose melancholy aspect was a trifle more abject than usual,
+and steps more halting, meekly followed the procession of actors
+around the ring, led by Dimple, the Snake Charmer. Nickey's entree
+created a most profound sensation, and was greeted with tumultuous
+applause--a tribute both to his equestrian feat and to his costume.
+
+Nickey had once attended a circus at which he had been greatly
+impressed by the artistic decorations on the skin of a tattooed man,
+and by the skill of the bareback rider who had turned somersaults
+while the horse was in motion. It occurred to him that perhaps he
+might present somewhat of both these attractions, in one character.
+
+Maxwell had innocently stimulated this taste by lending him a book
+illustrated with lurid color-plates of Indians in full war paint,
+according to tribe.
+
+So Nickey removed his clothes, attired himself in abbreviated red
+swimming trunks, and submitted to the artistic efforts of Dimple, who
+painted most intricate, elaborate, and beautiful designs on Nickey's
+person, with a thick solution of indigo purloined from the laundry.
+
+Nickey's breast was adorned with a picture of a ship under full sail.
+On his back was a large heart pierced with two arrows. A vine of full
+blown roses twined around each arm, while his legs were powdered with
+stars, periods, dashes, and exclamation points in rich profusion. A
+triangle was painted on each cheek, and dabs of indigo were added to
+the end of his nose and to the lobe of each ear by way of finishing
+touches.
+
+When the work was complete, Nickey surveyed himself in a piece of
+broken mirror in the dressing-room, and to tell the truth, was
+somewhat appalled at his appearance; but Dimple Perkins hastened to
+assure him, saying that a dip in the river would easily remove the
+indigo; and that he was the living spit and image of a tattooed man,
+and that his appearance, posed on the back of Charley, would certainly
+bring the house down.
+
+Dimple proved to be quite justified in his statement, so far as the
+effect on the audience was concerned; for, as Nickey entered the ring,
+after one moment of breathless astonishment, the entire crowd arose as
+one man and cheered itself hoarse, in a frenzy of frantic delight. Now
+whether Charley was enthused by the applause, or whether the situation
+reminded him of some festive horseplay of his youth, one cannot tell.
+At any rate, what little life was left in Charley's blood asserted
+itself. Quickly jerking the rope of the halter from the astonished
+hand of Dimple Perkins, Charley turned briskly round, and trotted out
+of the yard and into the road, while Nickey, who had found himself
+suddenly astride Charley's back, made frantic efforts to stop him.
+
+As Charley emerged from the gate, the freaks, the regular artists, the
+gymnasts, and the entire audience followed, trailing along behind the
+mounted tattooed man, and shouting themselves hoarse with
+encouragement or derision.
+
+As Charley rose to the occasion and quickened his pace, the heat of
+the sun, the violent exercise of riding bareback, and the nervous
+excitement produced by the horror of the situation, threw Nickey into
+a profuse sweat. The bluing began to run. The decorations on his
+forehead trickled down into his eyes; and as he tried to rub off the
+moisture with the back of his hand the indigo was smeared liberally
+over his face. His personal identity was hopelessly obscured in the
+indigo smudge; and the most vivid imagination could not conjecture
+what had happened to the boy. It was by no means an easy feat to
+retain his seat on Charley's back; it would have been still more
+difficult to dismount, at his steed's brisk pace; and Nickey was most
+painfully conscious of his attire, as Charley turned up the road which
+led straight to the village. At each corner the procession was
+reinforced by a number of village boys who added their quota to the
+general uproar and varied the monotony of the proceeding by
+occasionally throwing a tin can at the rider on the white horse. When
+Charley passed the rectory, and the green, and turned into Church
+Street, Nickey felt that he had struck rock bottom of shameful
+humiliation.
+
+For many years it had been Charley's habit to take Mrs. Burke down to
+church on Wednesday afternoons for the five o'clock service; and
+although he had been out of commission and docked for repairs for some
+time, his subliminal self must have got in its work, and the old habit
+asserted itself: to the church he went, attended at a respectful
+distance by the Bearded Lady, the Fat Man, the Snake Charmer, the King
+of the Cannibal Islands, the Living Skeleton, and the Wild Man from
+Borneo, to say nothing of a large and effective chorus of roaring
+villagers bringing up the rear.
+
+It really was quite clever of Charley to recall that, this being
+Wednesday, it was the proper day to visit the church,--as clever as it
+was disturbing to Nickey when he, too, recalled that it was about
+time for the service to be over, and that his mother must be somewhere
+on the premises, to say nothing of the assembled mothers of the entire
+stock company--and the rector, and the rector's wife.
+
+Mrs. Burke, poor woman, was quite unconscious of what awaited her, as
+she emerged from the service with the rest of the congregation. It was
+an amazed parent that caught sight of her son and heir scrambling off
+the back of his steed onto the horse-block in front of the church,
+clad in short swimming trunks and much bluing. The freaks, the regular
+artists, the gymnasts, and the circus audience generally shrieked and
+howled and fought each other, in frantic effort to succeed to Nickey's
+place on Charley's back--for Charley now stood undismayed and
+immovable, with a gentle, pious look in his soft old eyes.
+
+For one instant, Mrs. Burke and her friends stood paralyzed with
+horror; and then like the good mothers in Israel that they were, each
+jumped to the rescue of her own particular darling--that is, as soon
+as she could identify him. Consternation reigned supreme. Mrs. Cooley
+caught the Bearded Lady by the arm and shook him fiercely, just as he
+was about to land an uppercut on the jaw of the King of the Cannibal
+Islands. Mrs. Burns found her offspring, the Fat Man, lying
+dispossessed on his back in the gutter, while Sime Wilkins, the Man
+Who Ate Glass, sat comfortably on his stomach. Sime immediately
+apologized to Mrs. Burns and disappeared. Next, Mrs. Perkins took the
+Snake Charmer by his collar, and rapped him soundly with the piece of
+garden hose which she captured as he was using it to chastise the
+predatory Wild Man from Borneo. Other members of the company received
+equally unlooked-for censure of their dramatic efforts.
+
+Nickey, meantime, had fled to the pump behind the church, where he
+made his ablutions as best he could; then, seeing the vestry room door
+ajar, he, in his extremity, bolted for the quiet seclusion of the
+sanctuary.
+
+To his surprise and horror, he found Maxwell seated at a table looking
+over the parish records; and when Nickey appeared, still rather blue,
+attired in short red trunks, otherwise unadorned, Donald gazed at him
+in mute astonishment. For one moment there was silence as they eyed
+each other; and then Maxwell burst into roars of uncontrollable
+laughter, which were not quite subdued as Nickey gave a rather
+incoherent account of the misfortune which had brought him to such a
+predicament.
+
+"So you were the Tattooed Man, were you! Well, I suppose you know
+that it's not generally customary to appear in church in red tights;
+but as you couldn't help it, I shall have to see what can be done for
+you, to get you home clothed and in your right mind. I'll tell you!
+You can put on one of the choir boy's cassocks, and skip home the back
+way. If anybody stops you tell them you were practising for the choir,
+and it will be all right. But really, Nickey, if I were in your place,
+the next time I posed as a mounted Tattooed Man, I'd be careful to
+choose some old quadruped that couldn't run away with you!"
+
+"Then you aren't mad at me!"
+
+"Certainly not. I'll leave that to my betters! You just get home as
+fast as you can."
+
+"Gee! but you're white all right--you know it didn't say nothing in
+the book, about what kind of paint to use!"
+
+Maxwell's eyes opened. "What book are you talking about, Nickey?" he
+asked.
+
+"The one you let me take, with the Indians in it."
+
+Maxwell had to laugh again. "So that's where the idea for this
+'Carnival of Wild West Sports' originated, eh?"
+
+"Yes, sir," Nickey nodded. "Everybody wanted to be the tattooed man,
+but seeing as I had the book, and old Charley was my horse, I couldn't
+see any good reason why I shouldn't get tattooed. Gee! I'll bet ma
+will be mad!"
+
+After being properly vested in a cassock two sizes too large for him,
+Nickey started on a dead run for home, and, having reached the barn,
+dressed himself in his customary attire. When he appeared at supper
+Mrs. Burke did not say anything; but after the dishes were washed she
+took him apart and listened to his version of the affair.
+
+"Nicholas Burke," she said, "if this thing occurs again I shall punish
+you in a way you won't like."
+
+"Well, I'm awfully sorry," said Nickey, "but it didn't seem to feaze
+Mr. Maxwell a little bit. He just sat and roared as if he'd split his
+sides. I guess I 'aint goin' to be put out of the church just yet,
+anyway."
+
+Mrs. Burke looked a bit annoyed.
+
+"Never mind about Mr. Maxwell. _You_ won't laugh if anything like this
+occurs again, I can tell you," she replied.
+
+"Now, ma," soothed Nickey, "don't you worry about it occurrin' again.
+You don't suppose I did it on purpose, do you? Gosh no! I wouldn't get
+onto Charley's back again, with my clothes off, any more than I'd sit
+on a hornet's nest. How'd you like to ride through the town with
+nothin' on but your swimmin' trunks and drippin' with bluin water,
+I'd like to know?"
+
+Mrs. Burke did not care to prolong the interview any further, so she
+said in her severest tones:
+
+"Nicholas Burke, you go to bed instantly. I've heard enough of you and
+seen enough of you, for one day."
+
+Nickey went.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XIV
+
+ON THE SIDE PORCH
+
+
+In the evening, after his work was done, a day or two after his talk
+with Mrs. Maxwell, Jonathan went into the house and took a long look
+at himself in the glass, with the satisfactory conclusion that he
+didn't look so old after all. Why shouldn't he take Mrs. Betty's
+advice and marry? To be sure, there was no fool like an old fool, but
+no man could be called a fool who was discriminating enough, and
+resourceful enough, to win the hand of Hepsey Burke. To his certain
+knowledge she had had plenty of eligible suitors since her husband's
+death. She was the acknowledged past-master of doughnuts; and her
+pickled cucumbers done in salad oil were dreams of delight. What more
+could a man want?
+
+So he found that the question was deciding itself apparently without
+any volition whatever on his part. His fate was sealed; he had lost
+his heart and his appetite to his neighbor. Having come to this
+conclusion, it was wonderful how the thought excited him. He took a
+bath and changed his clothes, and then proceeded to town and bought
+himself a white neck-tie, and a scarf-pin that cost seventy-five
+cents. He was going to do the thing in the proper way if he did it at
+all.
+
+After supper he mustered sufficient courage to present himself at the
+side porch where Mrs. Burke was knitting on a scarlet sweater for
+Nickey.
+
+"Good evenin', Hepsey," he began. "How are you feelin' to-night?"
+
+"Oh, not so frisky as I might, Jonathan; I'd be all right if it
+weren't for my rheumatiz."
+
+"Well, we all have our troubles, Hepsey; and if it isn't one thing
+it's most generally another. You mustn't rebel against rheumatiz. It's
+one of those things sent to make us better, and we must bear up
+against it, you know."
+
+Hepsey did not respond to this philosophy, and Jonathan felt that it
+was high time that he got down to business. So he began again:
+
+"It seems to me as if we might have rain before long if the wind don't
+change."
+
+"Shouldn't be surprised, Jonathan. One--two--three--four--" Mrs. Burke
+replied, her attention divided between her visitor and her sweater.
+"Got your hay all in?"
+
+"Yes, most of it. 'Twon't be long before the long fall evenin's will
+be comin' on, and I kinder dread 'em. They're awful lonesome,
+Hepsey."
+
+"Purl two, knit two, an inch and a half--" Mrs. Burke muttered to
+herself as she read the printed directions which lay in her lap, and
+then she added encouragingly:
+
+"So you get lonesome, do you, Jonathan, durin' the long evenin's, when
+it gets dark early."
+
+"Oh, awful lonesome," Jonathan responded. "Don't you ever get lonesome
+yourself, Hepsey?"
+
+"I can't say as it kept me awake nights. 'Tisn't bein' alone that
+makes you lonesome. The most awful lonesomeness in the world is bein'
+in a crowd that's not your kind."
+
+"That's so, Hepsey. But two isn't a crowd. Don't you think you'd like
+to get married, if you had a right good chance, now?"
+
+Hepsey gave her visitor a quick, sharp glance, and inquired:
+
+"What would you consider a right good chance, Jonathan?"
+
+"Oh, suppose that some respectable widower with a tidy sum in the bank
+should ask you to marry him; what would you say, Hepsey?"
+
+"Can't say until I'd seen the widower, to say nothin' of the bank
+book--one, two, three, four, five, six--"
+
+Jonathan felt that the crisis was now approaching; so, moving his
+chair a little nearer, he resumed excitedly:
+
+"You've seen him, Hepsey; you've seen him lots of times, and he don't
+live a thousand miles away, neither."
+
+"Hm! Must be he lives in Martin's Junction. Is he good lookin',
+Jonathan?"
+
+"Oh, fair to middlin'. That is--of course--I well--I--I should think
+he was; but tastes differ."
+
+"Well, you know I'm right particular, Jonathan. Is he real smart and
+clever?"
+
+"I don't know as--I ought to--to--say, Hepsey; but I rather guess he
+knows enough to go in when it rains."
+
+"That's good as far as it goes. The next time you see him, you tell
+him to call around and let me look him over. Maybe I could give him a
+job on the farm, even if I didn't want to marry him."
+
+"But he doesn't want any job on the farm, Hepsey. He just wants you,
+that's all."
+
+"How do you know he does? Did he ever tell you?"
+
+"Hepsey Burke, don't you know who I'm alludin' at? Haven't you ever
+suspected nothin'?"
+
+"Yes, I've suspected lots of things. Now there's Jack Dempsey. I've
+suspected him waterin' the milk for some time. Haven't you ever
+suspected anythin' yourself, Jonathan?"
+
+"Well, I guess I'm suspectin' that you're tryin' to make a fool of me,
+all right."
+
+"Oh no! Fools come ready-made, and there's a glut in the market just
+now; seven--eight--nine--ten; no use makin' more until the supply's
+exhausted. But what made you think you wanted to marry? This is so
+powerful sudden."
+
+Now that the point was reached, Jonathan got a little nervous: "To--to
+tell you the truth, Hepsey," he stuttered, "I was in doubt about it
+myself for some time; but bein' as I am a Christian man I turned to
+the Bible for light on my path."
+
+"Hm! And how did the light shine?"
+
+"Well, I just shut my eyes and opened my Bible at random, and put my
+finger on a text. Then I opened my eyes and read what was written."
+
+"Yes! What did you find?"
+
+"I read somethin' about 'not a man of them escaped save six hundred
+that rode away on camels.'"
+
+"Did that clear up all your difficulties?"
+
+"No, can't say as it did. But those words about 'no man escapin''
+seemed to point towards matrimony as far as they went. Then I tried a
+second time."
+
+"Oh did you? I should think that six hundred camels would be enough
+for one round-up. What luck did you have the second time?"
+
+"Well, I read, 'Moab is my wash pot, over Edom will I cast out my
+shoe.' You've seen 'em cast shoes at the carriages of brides and
+grooms, haven't you, Hepsey? Just for luck, you know. So it seemed to
+point towards matrimony again."
+
+"Say, Jonathan, you certainly have a wonderful gift for interpretin'
+Scripture."
+
+"Well, Scripture or no Scripture, I want you, Hepsey."
+
+"Am I to understand that you're just fadin' and pinin' away for love
+of me? You don't look thin."
+
+"Oh, we 'aint neither of us as young as we once was, Hepsey. Of course
+I can't be expected to pine real hard."
+
+"I'm afraid it's not the real thing, Jonathan, unless you pine. Don't
+it keep you awake nights, or take away your appetite, or make you want
+to play the banjo, or nothin'?"
+
+"No, Hepsey; to tell you the plain truth, it don't. But I feel awful
+lonesome, and I like you a whole lot, and I--I love you as much as
+anyone, I guess."
+
+"So you are in love are you, Jonathan. Then let me give you some good
+advice. When you're in love, don't believe all you think, or half you
+feel, or anything at all you are perfectly sure of. It's dangerous
+business. But I am afraid that you're askin' me because it makes you
+think that you are young and giddy, like the rest of the village boys,
+to be proposin' to a shy young thing like me."
+
+"No, Hepsey; you aren't no shy young thing, and you haven't been for
+nigh on forty years. I wouldn't be proposin' to you if you were."
+
+"Jonathan, your manners need mendin' a whole lot. The idea of
+insinuatin' that I am not a shy young thing. I'm ashamed of you, and
+I'm positive we could never get along together."
+
+"But I can't tell a lie about you, even if I do want to marry you.
+You don't want to marry a liar, do you?"
+
+"Well, the fact is, Jonathan, polite lyin's the real foundation of all
+good manners. What we'll ever do when we get to heaven where we have
+to tell the truth whether we want to or not, I'm sure I don't know.
+It'll be awful uncomfortable until we get used to it."
+
+"The law says you should tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothin'
+but the truth," persisted the literal wooer.
+
+"Now, see here, Jonathan. Would you say that a dog's tail was false
+and misleadin' just because it isn't the whole dog?"
+
+This proposition was exceedingly confusing to Jonathan's intelligence,
+but after careful consideration he felt obliged to say "No."
+
+"Of course you wouldn't," Mrs. Burke continued triumphantly, quickly
+following up her advantage. "You see a dog's tail couldn't be
+misleading, 'cause the dog leads the tail, and not the tail the dog.
+Any fool could see that."
+
+Jonathan felt that he had been tricked, although he could not see just
+how the thing had been accomplished; so he began again:
+
+"Now Hepsey, we're wanderin' from the point, and you're just talkin'
+to amuse yourself. Can't you come down to business? Here I am a
+widower, and here you are a widowess, and we're both lonesome, and
+we----"
+
+"Who told you I was lonesome, I'd like to know?"
+
+"Well, of course you didn't, 'cause you never tell anything to anyone.
+But I guessed you was sometimes, from the looks of you."
+
+Hepsey bent her head over her work and counted stitches a long time
+before she looked up. Then she remarked slowly:
+
+"There's an awful lot of sick people in the world, and I'm mighty
+sorry for 'em; but they'll die, or they'll get well. I guess I'm more
+sorry for people who have to go on livin', and workin' hard, when
+they're just dyin' for somebody to love 'em, and somebody to love,
+until the pain of it hurts like a wisdom tooth. No, I can't afford to
+be lonesome much, and that's a fact. So I just keep busy, and if I get
+too lonesome, I just go and jolly somebody that's lonesomer than I am,
+and we both feel better; and if I get lonely lyin' awake at night, I
+light a lamp and read Webster's Dictionary. Try it, Jonathan; it's a
+sure anti-doubt."
+
+"There you go again, tryin' to change the subject, just when I thought
+you was goin' to say somethin'."
+
+"But you don't really want to marry me. I'm not young, and I'm not
+interestin': one or the other you've just got to be."
+
+"You're mighty interestin' to me, Hepsey, anyway; and--and you're
+mighty unselfish."
+
+"Well, you needn't throw that in my face; I'm not to blame for bein'
+unselfish. I've just had to be, whether I wanted or not. It's my
+misfortune, not my fault. Lots of people are unselfish because they're
+too weak to stand up for their own rights." She paused--and then
+looked up at him, smiling whimsically, and added: "Well, well,
+Jonathan; see here now--I'll think it over, and perhaps some day
+before--_go 'way_, you horrid thing! Let go my hand, I tell you.
+There! You've made me drop a whole row of stitches. If you don't run
+over home right now, before you're tempted to do any more flirtin,
+I'll--I'll hold you for breach of promise."
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+NICKEY'S SOCIAL AMBITIONS
+
+
+To Nickey, the Maxwells were in the nature of a revelation. At his
+impressionable stage of boyhood, and because of their freedom from
+airs and graces of any kind, he was quick to notice the difference in
+type--"some class to them; not snobs or dudes, but the real thing," as
+he expressed it. His ardent admiration of Donald, and his adoration of
+Mrs. Betty, gave him ambition to find the key to their secret, and to
+partake of it.
+
+He was too shy to speak of it,--to his mother last of all, as is the
+nature of a boy,--and had to rely on an observant and receptive mind
+for the earlier steps in his quest. When Maxwell boarded with them,
+Nickey had discovered that he was won't to exercise with dumb-bells
+each morning before breakfast. The very keenness of his desire to be
+initiated, held him silent. A visit to the town library, on his
+mother's behalf, chanced to bring his eyes--generally oblivious of
+everything in the shape of a book--upon the title of a certain volume
+designed to instruct in various parlor-feats of physical prowess.
+
+The book was borrowed from the librarian,--a little shamefacedly. The
+next morning Mrs. Burke was somewhat alarmed at the noise which came
+from Nickey's room, and when there was a crash as if the chimney had
+fallen, she could stand it no longer, and hurried aloft. Nickey stood
+in the middle of the floor, clad in swimming trunks, gripping a large
+weight (purloined from the barn) in either hand, very red in the face,
+and much out of breath.
+
+As the door unexpectedly opened he dived for bed and pulled the
+clothes under his chin.
+
+"Land Sakes!" Hepsey breathed, aghast. "What's all this about? If
+there's a nail loose in the flooring I can lend you a hammer for the
+asking," and she examined several jagged dents in the boards.
+
+"Say ma," urged Nickey in moving tones. "If I'd a pair of dumb-bells
+like Mr. Maxwell's, I c'd hold onto 'em. I've pretty near smashed my
+feet with them things--gosh darn it," he added ruefully, nursing the
+bruised member under the clothes.
+
+"I guess you can get 'em, next time you go to Martin's Junction; but
+if it's exercise you want," his parent remarked unsympathetically,
+"there's plenty of kindlin' in the woodshed wants choppin'."
+
+She retired chuckling to herself, as she caught a glimmer of what was
+working in her son's mind.
+
+The "reading habit" having been inculcated by this lucky find at the
+library, it was not long before Nickey acquired from the same source a
+veritable collection of volumes on the polite arts and crafts--"The
+Ready Letter-Writer"; "Manners Maketh Man"; "Seven Thousand Errors of
+Speech;" "Social Culture in the Smart Set," and the like.
+
+Nickey laboriously studied from these authorities how to enter a ball
+room, how to respond to a toast at a dinner given in one's honor, how
+to propose the health of his hostess, and how to apologize for
+treading on a lady's train.
+
+In the secrecy of his chamber he put into practice the helpful
+suggestions of these invaluable manuals. He bowed to the washstand,
+begged the favor of the next dance from the towel rack, trod on the
+window shade and made the prescribed apology. Then he discussed the
+latest novel at dinner with a distinguished personage; and having
+smoked an invisible cigar, interspersed with such wit as accords with
+walnuts and wine, after the ladies had retired, he entered the
+drawing-room, exchanged parting amenities with the guests, bade his
+hostess good night, and gracefully withdrew to the clothes-press.
+
+Several times Hepsey caught glimpses of him going through the dumb
+show of "Social Culture in the Smart Set," and her wondering soul was
+filled with astonishment at his amazing evolutions. She found it in
+her heart to speak of it to Mrs. Betty and Maxwell, and ask for their
+interpretation of the matter.
+
+So, one day, during this seizure of feverish enthusiasm for
+self-culture, Hepsey and Nickey received an invitation to take supper
+at the rectory. Nevertheless, Mrs. Burke thought it prudent to give
+her son some good advice in regard to his behavior. She realized,
+perhaps, that a book is good so far as it goes, but is apt to ignore
+elementals. So she called him aside before they started:
+
+"Now, Nickey, remember to act like a gentleman, especially at the
+table; you must try to do credit to your bringin' up."
+
+"Yes, I'll do my level best if it kills me," the boy replied.
+
+"Well, what do you do with your napkin when you first sit down to the
+table?"
+
+"Tie it 'round my neck, of course!"
+
+"Oh, no, you mustn't do anything of the sort; you must just tuck it in
+your collar, like any gentleman would. And when we come home what are
+you goin' to say to Mrs. Maxwell?"
+
+"Oh, I'll say, 'I'll see you later.'"
+
+"Mercy no! Say, 'I've had a very nice time.'"
+
+"But suppose I didn't have a nice time,--what'd I say?"
+
+For a moment Hepsey struggled to reconcile her code of ethics with her
+idea of good manners, and then replied:
+
+"Why say, 'Mrs. Maxwell, it was awfully good of you to ask me,' and I
+don't believe she'll notice anything wrong about that."
+
+"Hm!" Nickey retorted scornfully. "Seems pretty much like the same
+thing to me."
+
+"Oh no! Not in the least. Now what will you wear when we go to the
+rectory?"
+
+"My gray suit, and tan shoes, and the green tie with the purple spots
+on it."
+
+"Who'll be the first to sit down to the table?"
+
+"Search me--maybe I will, if there's good eats."
+
+"Nonsense! You must wait for Mrs. Maxwell and the rector to be seated
+first."
+
+"Well," Nickey exclaimed in exasperation, "I'm bound to make some
+horrible break anyway, so don't you worry, ma. It seems to me from
+what them books say, that when you go visitin' you've got to tell lies
+like a sinner; and you can't tell the truth till you get home with the
+door shut. I never was good at lyin'; I always get caught."
+
+"It isn't exactly lyin', Nickey; its just sayin' nice things, and
+keepin' your mouth shut about the rest. Now suppose you dropped a fork
+under the table, what'd you say?"
+
+"I'd say ''scuse me, Mrs. Maxwell, but one of the forks has gone, and
+you can go through my clothes if you want to before I go home.'"
+
+"Hm!" Hepsey remarked dryly, "I guess the less you say, the better."
+
+Arrived at the rectory, Nickey felt under some restraint when they
+first sat down to the supper table; but under the genial manner of
+Mrs. Maxwell he soon felt at his ease, and not even his observant
+mother detected any dire breach of table etiquette. His conversation
+was somewhat spare, his attention being absorbed and equally divided
+between observation of his host and consumption of the feast set
+before him. With sure tact, Mrs. Betty--though regarding Nickey as the
+guest of honor--that evening--deferred testing the results of his
+conversational studies until after supper: one thing at once, she
+decided, was fair play.
+
+After the meal was over, they repaired together to the parlor, and
+while Hepsey took out her wash-rag knitting and Maxwell smoked his
+cigar, Mrs. Betty gave Nickey her undivided attention.
+
+In order to interest the young people of the place in the missionary
+work of the parish, Mrs. Betty had organized a guild of boys who were
+to earn what they could towards the support of a missionary in the
+west. The Guild had been placed under the fostering care and
+supervision of Nickey as its treasurer, and was known by the name of
+"The Juvenile Band of Gleaners." In the course of the evening Mrs.
+Maxwell took occasion to inquire what progress they were making,
+thereby unconsciously challenging a somewhat surprising recountal.
+
+"Well," Nickey replied readily, "we've got forty-six cents in the
+treasury; that's just me, you know; I keep the cash in my pants
+pocket."
+
+Then he smiled uneasily, and fidgeted in his chair.
+
+There was something in Nickey's tone and look that excited Mrs.
+Betty's curiosity, and made his mother stop knitting and look at him
+anxiously over her glasses.
+
+"That is very good for a start," Mrs. Betty commended. "How did you
+raise all that, Nickey?"
+
+For a moment Nickey colored hotly, looked embarrassed, and made no
+reply. Then mustering up his courage, and laughing, he began:
+
+"Well, Mrs. Maxwell, it was just like this. Maybe you won't like it,
+but I'll tell you all the same. Bein' as I was the president of the
+Juv'nul Band of Gleaners, I though I'd get the kids together, and
+start somethin'. Saturday it rained cats and dogs, so Billy Burns, Sam
+Cooley, Dimple Perkins and me, we went up into the hay loft, and I
+said to the kids, 'You fellows have got to cough up some dough for the
+church, and----'"
+
+"Contribute money, Nickey. Don't be slangy," his mother interjected.
+
+"Well I says, 'I'm runnin' the Juv'nals, and you've got to do just
+what I say. I've got a dandy scheme for raisin' money and we'll have
+some fun doin' it, or I miss my guess.' Then I asked Sam Cooley how
+much money he'd got, and Sam, he had forty-four cents, Billy Burns had
+fifty-two cents, and Dimple had only two. Dimp never did have much
+loose cash, anyway. But I said to Dimp, 'Never mind, Dimp; you aint
+to blame. Your dad's an old skinflint. I'll lend you six to start off
+with.' Then I made Billy Burns sweep the floor, while Sam went down to
+the chicken yard and caught my bantam rooster, Tooley. Then I sent
+Dimp after some chalk, and an empty peach basket, and a piece of cord.
+Then we was ready for business.
+
+"I marked a big circle on the barn floor with the chalk, and divided
+it into four quarters with straight lines runnin' through the middle.
+Then I turned the peach basket upside down, and tied one end of the
+string on the bottom, and threw the other end up over a beam overhead,
+so I could pull the basket off from the floor up to the beam by the
+string. You see," Nickey illustrated with graphic gestures, "the
+basket hung just over the middle of the circle like a bell. Then I
+took the rooster and stuck him under the basket. Tooley hollered and
+scratched like Sam Hill and----"
+
+"For mercy sake, Nickey! What will you say next?"
+
+"Say, ma, you just wait and see. Well, Tooley kicked like everything,
+but he had to go under just the same. Then I said to the kids to sit
+around the circle on the floor, and each choose one of the four
+quarters for hisself,--one for each of us. 'Now,' I said, 'you must
+each cough up----'"
+
+"Nicholas!"
+
+"Oh ma, do let me tell it without callin' me down every time. 'You
+kids must hand out a cent apiece and put it on the floor in your own
+quarter. Then, when I say ready, I'll pull the string and raise the
+basket and let Tooley out. Tooley'll get scared and run. If he runs
+off the circle through my quarter, then the four cents are mine; but
+if he runs through Dimp's quarter, then the four cents are Dimp's.'
+
+"It was real excitin' when I pulled the string, and the basket went
+up. You'd ought to 've been there, Mrs. Maxwell. You'd have laughed
+fit to split----"
+
+"Nicholas Burke, you must stop talkin' like that, or I'll send you
+home," reproved Mrs. Burke, looking severely at her son, and with
+deprecating side-glances at his audience.
+
+"Excuse me, ma. It will be all over in a minute. But really, you'd
+have laughed like sin--I mean you'd have just laughed yourself sick.
+Tooley was awful nervous when the basket went up. For a minute he
+crouched and stood still, scared stiff at the three kids, all yellin'
+like mad; then he ducked his head and bolted off the circle through my
+quarter and flew up on a beam. I thought the kids would bust."
+
+Mrs. Burke sighed heavily.
+
+"Well, burst, then. But while they were laughin' I raked in the cash.
+You see I just had to. I won it for fair. I'd kept quiet, and that's
+why Tooley come across my quarter."
+
+Mrs. Maxwell was sorting over her music, while Maxwell's face was
+hidden behind a paper. Mrs. Burke was silent through despair. Nickey
+glanced furtively at his hearers for a moment and then continued:
+
+"Yes, the kids was tickled; but they got awful quiet when I told them
+to fork over another cent apiece for the jack-pot."
+
+"What in the name of conscience is a jack-pot?" Hepsey asked.
+
+Donald laughed and Nickey continued:
+
+"A jack-pot's a jack-pot; there isn't no other name that I ever heard
+of. We caught Tooley and stuck him under the basket, and made him do
+it all over again. You see, every time when Tooley got loose, the kids
+all leant forward and yelled like mad; but I just kept my mouth shut,
+and leaned way back out of the way so that Tooley'd run out through my
+quarter. So I won most all the time."
+
+There was a pause, while Nickey looked a bit apprehensively at his
+audience. But he went on gamely to the end of the chapter.
+
+"Once Tooley made a bolt in a straight line through Dimp's quarter,
+and hit Dimp in the mouth, and bowled him over like a nine-pin. Dimp
+was scared to death, and howled like murder till he found he'd scooped
+the pot; then he got quiet. After we made Tooley run ten times, he
+struck work and wouldn't run any more; so we just had to let him go;
+but I didn't care nothn' about that, 'cause you see I had the kids'
+cash in my pants pocket, and that was what I was after. Well, sir,
+when it was all over, 'cause I'd busted the bank----"
+
+"Nicholas Burke, I am ashamed of you."
+
+"Never mind, ma; I'm most through now. When they found I'd busted the
+bank, they looked kind of blue, and Dimp Perkins said it was a skin
+game, and I was a bunco steerer."
+
+"What did you say to that?" Donald inquired.
+
+"Oh, I just said it was all for religion, it was church money, and it
+was all right. I was just gleanin' what few cents they had, to pay the
+church debt to the missionary; and they ought to be ashamed to have a
+church debt hangin' over 'em, and they'd oughter be more cheerful
+'bout givin' a little somethin' toward raisin' of it."
+
+When Nickey had finished, there was an ominous silence for a moment
+or two, and then his mother said sternly:
+
+"What do you suppose Mrs. Perkins will say when she finds that you've
+tricked her son into a regular gambling scheme, to get his money away
+from him?"
+
+"Mrs. Perkins," retorted Nickey, thoroughly aroused by the soft
+impeachment. "I should worry! At the church fair, before Mr. Maxwell
+came, she ran a fancy table, and tried to sell a baby blanket to an
+old bachelor; but he wouldn't take it. Then when he wasn't lookin',
+blessed if she didn't turn around and tie the four corners together
+with a bit of ribbon, and sell it to him for a handkerchief case. She
+got two dollars for it, and it wasn't worth seventy-five cents. She
+was as proud as a dog with two tails, and went around tellin'
+everybody."
+
+Silence reigned, ominous and general, and Nickey braced himself for
+the storm. Even Mrs. Maxwell didn't look at him, and that was pretty
+bad. He began to get hot all over, and the matter was fast assuming a
+new aspect in his own mind which made him ashamed of himself. His
+spirits sank lower and lower. Finally his mother remarked quietly:
+
+"Nickey, I thought you were goin' to be a gentleman."
+
+"That's straight, all right, what I've told you," he murmured
+abashed.
+
+There was another silent pause--presently broken by Nickey.
+
+"I guess I hadn't thought about it, just that way. I guess I'll give
+the kids their money back," he volunteered despondently--"only I'll
+have to make it up, some way, in the treasury." He felt in his
+pockets, and jingled the coins.
+
+Another pause--with only the ticking of his mother's knitting needles
+to relieve the oppressive silence. Suddenly the worried pucker
+disappeared from his brow, and his face brightened like a sun-burst.
+
+"I've got it, Mrs. Maxwell," he cried. "I've got seventy-five cents
+comin' to me down at the Variety Store, for birch-bark frames, and
+I'll give that for the blamed old missionaries. That's square, 'aint
+it now?"
+
+Mrs. Betty's commendation and her smile were salve to the wounds of
+her young guest, and Donald's hearty laughter soon dispelled the sense
+of social failure which was beginning to cloud Nickey's happy spirit.
+
+"Say Nickey," said Maxwell, throwing down his paper, "Mrs. Betty and I
+want to start a Boy Scout Corps in the parish, and with your
+resourceful genius you could get the boys together, and explain it to
+them, and soon we should have the whole thing in ship-shape order.
+Will you do it?"
+
+"Will I?" exclaimed the delighted recruit. "I guess so--but some of
+'em 'aint 'Piscopals, Mr. Maxwell; there's Sam Cooley, he's a
+Methodist, and----"
+
+"That doesn't cut any ice, Nickey,--excuse my slang, ladies," he
+apologized to his wife and Hepsey, at which the boy grinned with
+delight. "We're out to welcome all comers. I've got the books that we
+shall need upstairs. Let's go up to my den and talk it all over. We
+shall have to spend evenings getting thoroughly up in it
+ourselves,--rules and knots and first-aid and the rest. Mrs. Burke
+will allay parental anxiety as to the bodily welfare of the recruits
+and the pacific object of the organization, and Mrs. Maxwell will make
+the colors. Come on!"
+
+With sparkling eyes, Nickey followed Donald out of the room; as they
+disappeared Hepsey slowly shook her head in grateful deprecation at
+Betty.
+
+"Bless him!" ejaculated Hepsey. "Mixin' up religion, with a little
+wholesome fun, is the only way you can serve it to boys, like Nickey,
+and get results. Boys that are ever goin' to amount to anything are
+too full of life to stand 'em up in a row, with a prayer book in one
+hand and a hymnal in the other, and expect 'em to sprout wings. It
+can't be done. Keep a boy outside enough and he'll turn out alright.
+Fresh air and open fields have a mighty helpful influence on 'em. The
+way I've got it figgered out, all of us can absorb a lot of the right
+kind of religion, if we'll only go out and watch old Mother Nature,
+now and then."
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+PRACTICAL TEMPERANCE REFORM
+
+
+The small town of Durford was not immune from the curse of drink:
+there was no doubt about that. Other forms of viciousness there were
+in plenty; but the nine saloons did more harm than all the rest of the
+evil influences put together, and Maxwell, though far from being a
+fanatic, was doing much in a quiet way to neutralize their bad
+influence. He turned the Sunday School room into a reading room during
+the week days, organized a gymnasium, kept watch of the younger men
+individually, and offered as best he could some chance for the
+expression of the gregarious instinct which drew them together after
+the work of the day was over. In the face of his work in these
+directions, it happened that a venturesome and enterprising
+saloon-keeper bought a vacant property adjacent to the church, and
+opened up an aggressive business--much to Maxwell's dismay.
+
+Among the women of the parish there was a "Ladies' Temperance League,"
+of which Mrs. Burke was president. They held quarterly meetings, and
+it was at one of the meetings held at Thunder Cliff, and at which Mrs.
+Burke presided, that she remarked severely:
+
+"Mrs. Sapley, you're out of order. There's a motion before the house,
+and I've got something to say about it myself. Mrs. Perkins, as Mrs.
+Maxwell was unable to be present, will you kindly take the chair, or
+anything else you can lay your hands on, and I'll say what I've got to
+say."
+
+Mrs. Perkins took Mrs. Burke's place as the president, while Mrs.
+Burke rubbed her glasses in an impatient way; and having adjusted
+them, began in a decided tone from which there was meant to be no
+appeal:
+
+"The fact is, ladies, we're not gettin' down to business as we ought
+to, if we are to accomplish anything. We've been singing hymns, and
+recitin' lovely poems, and listenin' to reports as to how money spent
+for liquor would pay off the national debt; and we've been sayin'
+prayers, and pledgin' ourselves not to do things none of us ever was
+tempted to do, or thought of doin', and wearin' ribbons, and attendin'
+conventions, and talkin' about influencin' legislation at Washington,
+and eatin' sandwiches, and drinkin' weak tea, and doin' goodness knows
+what; but we've not done a blessed thing to stop men drinkin' right
+here in Durford and breakin' the town law; you know that well
+enough."
+
+Mrs. Burke paused for breath after this astounding revolutionary
+statement, and there was a murmur of scandalized dissent from the
+assembled ladies at this outspoken expression on the part of the
+honorable president of the Parish Guild.
+
+"No," she continued emphatically, "don't you fool yourselves. If we
+can't help matters right here where we live, then there's no use
+havin' imitation church sociables, and goin' home thinkin' we've
+helped the temperance cause, and callin' everybody else bad names who
+don't exactly agree with us."
+
+Again there were symptoms of open rebellion against this traitorous
+heresy on the part of the plainspoken president; but she was not to
+be easily silenced; so she continued:
+
+"Men have got to go somewheres when their work is over, and have a
+good time, and I believe that we won't accomplish anything until we
+fix up a nice, attractive set of rooms with games, and give 'em
+something to drink."
+
+Cries of "Oh! Oh! Oh!" filled the room.
+
+"I didn't say whiskey, did I? Anybody would think I'd offered to treat
+you, the way you receive my remarks. Now we can't get the rooms right
+off, 'cause we can't yet afford to pay the rent of 'em. But there's
+one thing we can do. There's Silas Bingham--the new man. He's gone and
+opened a saloon within about a hundred feet of the church, and he's
+sellin' liquor to children and runnin' a slot machine besides. It's
+all against the law; but if you think the village trustees are goin'
+to do anythin' to enforce the law, you're just dead wrong, every one
+of you. The trustees are most of 'em in it for graft, and they 'aint
+goin' to close no saloon when it's comin' election day 'for long, not
+if Bingham serves cocktails between the hymns in church. Maybe the
+trustees'd come to church better if he did. Maybe you think I'm usin'
+strong language; but it's true all the same, and you know it's true.
+Silas Bingham's move is a sassy challenge to us: are we goin' to lie
+down under it?"
+
+"I must say that I'm painfully surprised at you, Mrs. Burke," Mrs.
+Burns began. "You surely can't forget what wonderful things the League
+has accomplished in Virginia and----"
+
+"Yes," Mrs. Burke interrupted, "but you see Durford 'aint in Virginia
+so far as heard from, and it's our business to get up and hustle right
+here where we live. Did you think we were tryin' to reform Virginia or
+Alaska by absent treatment?"
+
+Mrs. Sapley could not contain herself another moment; so, rising to
+her feet excitedly she sputtered:
+
+"I do not agree with you, Mrs. Burke; I do not agree with you at all.
+Our meetings have been very inspiring and helpful to us all, I am
+perfectly sure; very uplifting and encouraging; and I am astonished
+that you should speak as you do."
+
+"I'm very glad you've found them so, Mrs. Sapley. I don't drink
+myself, and I don't need no encouragin' and upliftin'. It's the weak
+man that drinks who needs encouragin' and upliftin'; and he wouldn't
+come near one of our meetin's any more than a bantam rooster would try
+to hatch turtles from moth-balls. We've got to clear Silas Bingham
+from off the church steps."
+
+"Well," Mrs. Burns inquired, "what do you propose to do about it, if I
+may be allowed to inquire?"
+
+"Do? The first thing I propose to do is to interview Silas Bingham
+myself privately, and see what I can do with him. Perhaps I won't
+accomplish nothin'; but I'm goin' to try, anyway, and make him get out
+of that location."
+
+"You can, if anybody can," Mrs. Sapley remarked.
+
+"Thank you for the compliment, Mrs. Sapley. Now Mrs. President, I
+move, sir--that is, madam--that the parish League appoints me to
+interview Bingham."
+
+The motion was duly seconded and passed, notwithstanding some mild
+protests from the opposition, and Mrs. Burke resumed her place as
+presiding officer of the meeting. Then she continued:
+
+"Excuse me; I forgot the previous question which somebody moved. Shall
+we have lettuce or chicken sandwiches at our next meetin'? You have
+heard the question. Those in favor of chicken please say aye. Ah! The
+ayes have the chicken, and the chicken is unanimously carried. Any
+more business to come before the meetin'? If not, we'll proceed to
+carry out the lit'ary program arranged by Miss Perkins. Then we'll
+close this meetin' by singin' the 224th hymn. Don't forget the basket
+by the door."
+
+                  *       *       *       *       *
+
+Silas Bingham was an undersized, timid, pulpy soul, with a horizontal
+forehead, watery blue eyes, and a receding chin. Out of "office hours"
+he looked like a meek solicitor for a Sunday School magazine. One
+bright morning just as he had finished sweeping out the saloon and was
+polishing the brass rod on the front of the bar, Mrs. Burke walked in,
+and extended her hand to the astonished bar-keeper, whose chin dropped
+from sheer amazement. She introduced herself in the most cordial and
+sympathetic of tones, saying:
+
+"How do you do, Mr. Bingham? I haven't had the pleasure of meetin' you
+before; but I always make it a point to call on strangers when they
+come to town. It must be awful lonesome when you first arrive and
+don't know a livin' soul. I hope your wife is tolerable well."
+
+Bingham gradually pulled himself together and turned very red, as he
+replied:
+
+"Thanks! But my wife doesn't live here. It's awful kind of you, I'm
+sure; but you'll find my wife in the third house beyond the bakery,
+down two blocks--turn to the right. She'll be glad to see you."
+
+"That's good," Hepsey responded, "but you see I don't have much to do
+on Thursdays, and I'll just have a little visit with you, now I'm
+here. Fine day, isn't it."
+
+Mrs. Burke drew up a chair and sat down, adjusted her feet comfortably
+to the rung of another chair, and pulled out her knitting from her
+work-bag, much to the consternation of the proprietor of the place.
+
+"How nice you've got things fixed up, Mr. Bingham," Hepsey remarked,
+gazing serenely at the seductive variety of bottles and glasses, and
+the glare of mirrors behind the bar. "Nothin' like havin' a fine
+lookin' place to draw trade. Is business prosperin' now-a-days?"
+
+Silas turned three shades redder, and stammered badly as he replied:
+
+"Yes, I'm doin' as well as I can expect--er--I suppose."
+
+"Probably as well as your customers are doin', I should imagine? You
+don't need to get discouraged. It takes time to work up a trade like
+yours in a nice, decent neighborhood like this."
+
+Silas stared hard at the unwelcome intruder, glancing apprehensively
+at the door from which several customers had already turned away when,
+through the glass, they had caught sight of Mrs. Burke. He was
+desperately ill at ease, and far from responding cordially to Hepsey's
+friendly advances; and his nervousness increased as his patrons
+continually retreated, occasionally grinning derisively at him through
+the glass in the door.
+
+"If you don't mind my sayin' it, Mrs. Burke, I think you'd be a lot
+more comfortable at my house than you are here."
+
+"Oh, I'm perfectly comfortable, thanks; perfectly comfortable. Don't
+you worry a bit about me."
+
+"But this is a saloon, and it 'aint just what you might call
+respectable for ladies to be sittin' in a saloon, now, is it?"
+
+"_Why not?_"
+
+The question was so sudden, sharp and unexpected that Silas jumped and
+almost knocked over a bottle of gin, and then stared in silent chagrin
+at his guest, his nervous lips moving without speech.
+
+"I don't see," Hepsey continued, "just why the men should have all the
+fun, and then when a woman takes to enjoyin' herself say that it isn't
+respectable. What's the difference, I'd like to know? This is a right
+cheerful place, and I feel just like stayin' as long as I want to.
+There's no law against a woman goin' to a saloon, is there? I saw Jane
+Dwire come out of here Saturday night. To be sure, Jane 'aint just
+what you'd call a 'society' lady, as you might say; but as long as I
+behave myself I don't see why I should go."
+
+"But, ma'am," Silas protested in wrathful desperation, "I must ask you
+to go. You'll hurt my trade if you stay here any longer."
+
+"Hurt your trade! Nonsense! You aren't half as polite as I thought you
+were. I'm awful popular with the gentlemen. You ought to be payin' me
+a commission to sit here and entertain your customers, instead of
+insinuatin' that I 'aint welcome. Ah! Here comes Martin Crowfoot.
+Haven't seen Martin in the longest time."
+
+Martin slouched in and reached the bar and ordered before he caught
+sight of Mrs. Burke. He was just raising the glass to his lips when
+Hepsey stepped up briskly, and extending her hand, exclaimed:
+
+"How do you do, Martin? How are the folks at home? Awful glad to see
+you."
+
+Martin stared vacantly at Mrs. Burke, dropped his glass, and muttered
+incoherently. Then he bolted hastily from the place without paying for
+his drink.
+
+Bingham was now getting a bit hysterical over the situation, and was
+about to make another vigorous protest, when Hiram Green entered and
+called for some beer. Again Hepsey extended her hand cordially, and
+Hiram jumped as if he had seen a ghost--for they had been friendly for
+years.
+
+"Hepsey Burke, what in the name of all that's decent are you doin' in
+a place like this?" he demanded when he could get his breath. "Don't
+you know you'll ruin your reputation if you're seen sittin' in a
+saloon?"
+
+"Oh, don't let that worry you, Hiram, My reputation'd freeze a stroke
+of lightnin'. You don't seem to be worryin' much about your own
+reputation."
+
+"Oh well, a man can do a lot of things a woman can't, without losin'
+his reputation."
+
+For an instant the color flamed into Mrs. Burke's face as she retorted
+hotly:
+
+"Yes, there's the whole business. A man can drink, and knock the
+seventh commandment into a cocked hat; and then when he wants to
+settle down and get married he demands a wife as white as snow. If he
+gets drunk, it's a lark. If she gets drunk, it's a crime. But I didn't
+come here to preach or hold a revival, and as for my welfare and my
+reputation, Mr. Bingham and I was just havin' a pleasant afternoon
+together when you came in and interrupted us. He's awful nice when you
+get to know him real intimate. Now, Hiram, I hate to spoil your fun,
+and you do look a bit thirsty. Suppose you have a lemonade on me, if
+you're sure it won't go to your head. It isn't often that we get out
+like this together. Lemonades for two, Mr. Bingham; and make Hiram's
+real sweet."
+
+Mrs. Burke enjoyed hugely the disgust and the grimaces with which
+Green swallowed the syrupy mixture. He then beat a hasty retreat down
+the street. For two hours Hepsey received all who were courageous
+enough to venture in, with most engaging smiles and cordial
+handshakes, until Silas was bordering on madness. Finally he emerged
+from the bar and mustered up sufficient courage to threaten:
+
+"Mrs. Burke, if you don't quit, I'll send for the police," he
+blustered.
+
+Hepsey gazed calmly at her victim and replied:
+
+"I wouldn't, if I was in your place."
+
+"Well then, I give you fair warning I'll put you out myself if you
+don't go peaceable in five minutes."
+
+"No, Silas; you're wrong as usual. You can't put me out of here until
+I'm ready to go. I could wring you out like a mop, and drop you down a
+knot-hole, and nobody'd be the wiser."
+
+The door now opened slowly and a small girl, miserably clad, entered
+the saloon. Her head was covered with a worn, soiled shawl. From
+underneath the shawl she produced a battered tin pail and placed it on
+the bar with the phlegmatic remark, "Pa wants a quart of beer."
+
+Mrs. Burke looked at the girl and then at Bingham, and then back at
+the girl inquiringly.
+
+"Are you in the habit of gettin' beer here, child?"
+
+"Sure thing!" the girl replied, cheerfully.
+
+"How old are you?"
+
+"Ten, goin' on eleven."
+
+"And you sell it to her?" Hepsey asked, turning to Bingham.
+
+"Oh, it's for her father. He sends for it." He frowned at the child
+and she quickly disappeared, leaving the can behind her.
+
+"Does he? But I thought you said that a saloon was no place for a
+woman; and surely it can't be a decent place for a girl under age. Now
+my friend, I've got somethin' to say to you."
+
+"You are the very devil and all," Silas remarked.
+
+"Thanks, Silas. The devil sticks to his job, anyway; and owin' to the
+likes of you he wins out, nine times out of ten. Now will you clear
+out of this location, or won't you?"
+
+"Another day like this would send me to the lunatic asylum."
+
+"Then I'll be around in the mornin' at six-thirty sharp."
+
+"You just get out of here," he threatened.
+
+"If you promise to clear out yourself within three days."
+
+"I guess I'd clear out of Heaven itself to get rid of you."
+
+"Very well; and if you are still here Saturday afternoon, ten of us
+women will come and sit on your steps until you go. A woman can't vote
+whether you shall be allowed to entice her men-folk into a place like
+this, and at the very church door; but the average woman can be mighty
+disagreeable when she tries."
+
+Silas Bingham had a good business head: he reckoned up the costs--and
+cleared out.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+NOTICE TO QUIT
+
+
+Before the year was over Mrs. Betty had become popular with Maxwell's
+parishioners through her unfailing good-nature, cordiality and
+persistent optimism. Even Mrs. Nolan, who lived down by the bridge,
+and made rag carpets, and suffered from chronic dyspepsia, remarked to
+Mrs. Burke that she thought the parson's wife was very nice "'cause
+she 'aint a bit better than any of the rest of us,"--which tribute to
+Mrs. Betty's tact made Mrs. Burke smile and look pleased. All the
+young men and girls of the parish simply adored her, and it was
+marvelous how she managed to keep in touch with all the guilds, do her
+own housework, and learn to know everyone intimately. Hepsey warned
+her that she was attempting to do too much.
+
+"The best parson's wife," she said, "is the one who makes the rest
+work, while she attends to her own household, and keeps her health.
+Her business is not to do the work of the parson, but to look after
+him, keep him well nourished, and cheer him up a little bit when he is
+tempted to take the next trolley for Timbuctoo."
+
+The retort was so tempting that Mrs. Betty could not help saying:
+
+"There's not a person in this town who does so much for others as you
+do, and who makes so little fuss about it. It's the force of your
+example that has led me astray, you see."
+
+"Hm!" Hepsey replied. "I'm glad you called my attention to it. I shall
+try to break myself of the habit at once."
+
+As for Maxwell, his practical helpfulness in forwarding the social
+life of the place, without in the least applying that phase of his
+activities as a lever for spiritual upheavals, and his ready sympathy
+for and interest in the needs and doings of young and old,
+irrespective of class or caste, gradualy reaped for him the affection
+and respect of all sorts and conditions. In fact, the year had been a
+pleasant one for him, and was marred by only one circumstance, the
+continued and growing hostility of his Senior Warden, Mr. Bascom. From
+the first, he had been distinctly unfriendly towards his rector; but
+soon after Maxwell's marriage, his annoying opposition was quite open
+and pronounced, and the weight of his personal influence was thrown
+against every move which Maxwell made towards the development of the
+parish life and work.
+
+To those more "in the know" than the Maxwells themselves, it was
+evident that a certain keen aggressiveness evinced by the Senior
+Warden was foreign to his phlegmatic, brooding character, and it was
+clear to them that the actively malicious virus was being administered
+by the disappointed Virginia. That she was plotting punishment, in
+revenge for wounded _amour propre_, was clear to the initiated, who
+were apprehensive of the bomb she was evidently preparing to burst
+over the unconscious heads of the rector and his wife. But what could
+her scheme be?
+
+Gradually Mrs. Burke noticed that Betty began to show fatigue and
+anxiety, and was losing the freshness of her delicate color; while
+Donald had become silent and reserved, and wore a worried look which
+was quite unnatural to him. Something was going wrong; of that she
+felt sure; but observant though she was, she failed to trace the
+trouble to its source.
+
+Matters came to a crisis one day when Maxwell was informed that some
+one was waiting to see him in the parlor. The visitor was dressed in
+very pronounced clothes, and carried himself with a self-assertive
+swagger. Maxwell had seen him in Bascom's office, and knew who was
+waiting for him long before he reached the parlor, by the odor of
+patchouli which penetrated to the hall.
+
+"Good morning, Mr. Nelson," said Maxwell. "Did you wish to see me?"
+
+"Yes, I did, Mr. Maxwell, and I am sure it is a great pleasure."
+
+The man seated himself comfortably in a large chair, put the tips of
+his fingers together, and gazed about the room with an expression of
+pleased patronage.
+
+"Very pretty home you have here," he remarked suavely.
+
+"Yes," Maxwell replied. "We manage to make ourselves comfortable. Did
+you wish to see me on business?"
+
+"Oh yes," the lawyer replied, "a mere technicality. I represent the
+firm of Bascom & Nelson, or rather I should say I am Mr. Bascom's
+legal agent just at present, as I have not yet been admitted as his
+partner----"
+
+The man stopped, smirked, and evidently relished prolonging his
+interview with Maxwell, who was getting impatient. Maxwell drew his
+watch from his pocket, and there was a look in his eyes which made the
+lawyer proceed:
+
+"The fact is, Rector, that I came to see you on a matter of business
+about the rectory--as Mr. Bascom's agent."
+
+"Will you kindly state it?"
+
+"It concerns the use of this house."
+
+"In what way? This is the rectory of the church, and the rental of it
+is part of my salary."
+
+"You are mistaken. Mr. Bascom owns the house, and you are staying here
+merely on sufferance."
+
+For a moment Maxwell was too astonished to speak; then he began:
+
+"Mr. Bascom owns this house? What do you mean? The house is part of
+the property of the church."
+
+"You are mistaken, my friend."
+
+"You will kindly not repeat that form of address, and explain what you
+mean," replied Maxwell heatedly.
+
+"Come, come; there's no use in losing your temper, my dear rector,"
+retorted Nelson offensively.
+
+"You have just two minutes to explain yourself, sir; and I strongly
+advise you to improve the opportunity, before I put you out of this
+house.'"
+
+Nelson, like most bullies, was a coward, and evidently concluded that
+he would take no risks. He continued:
+
+"As I said before, Sylvester Bascom practically owns this house. It
+does not belong to the church property. The Episcopals made a big
+bluff at buying it years ago, and made a very small payment in cash;
+Bascom took a mortgage for the rest. The interest was paid regularly
+for a while, and then payments began to fall off. As you have reason
+to know, Bascom is a generous and kind-hearted man, who would not for
+the world inconvenience his rector, and so he has allowed the matter
+to go by default, until the back interest amounts to a considerable
+sum. Of course the mortgage is long past due, and as he needs the
+money, he has commissioned me to see you and inform you that he is
+about to foreclose, and to ask you to vacate the premises as soon as
+you conveniently can. I hope that I make myself reasonably clear."
+
+In a perfectly steady voice Maxwell replied:
+
+"What you say is clear enough; whether it is true is another matter.
+I will see Mr. Bascom at once, and ask for his own statement of the
+case."
+
+"I don't think it necessary to see him, as he has expressly authorized
+me to act for him in the case."
+
+"Then I suppose you came her to serve the notice of ejectment on me."
+
+"Oh, we won't use such strong language as that. I came here merely to
+tell you that the house must be vacated soon as possible. Mr. Bascom
+has gone to New York on business and will not be back for two weeks.
+Meantime he wishes the house vacated, so that he can rent it to other
+parties."
+
+"When does the Senior Warden propose to eject his rector, if I may be
+allowed to ask?"
+
+"Oh, there is no immediate hurry. Any time this week will do."
+
+"What does he want for this place?"
+
+"I believe he expects fifteen dollars a month."
+
+"Well, of course that is prohibitive. Tell Mr. Bascom that we will
+surrender the house on Wednesday, and that we are greatly indebted to
+him for allowing us to occupy it rent-free for so long a time."
+
+As Donald showed the objectionable visitor out of the house, he caught
+sight of Hepsey Burke walking towards it. He half hoped she would pass
+by, but with a glance of suspicion and barely civil greeting to
+Nelson as he walked away, she came on, and with a friendly nod to
+Maxwell entered the rectory.
+
+"I've just been talkin' to Mrs. Betty for her good," she remarked. "I
+met her in town, lookin' as peaked as if she'd been fastin' double
+shifts, and I had a notion to come in and complete the good work on
+yourself."
+
+Maxwell's worried face told its own story. He was so nonplused by the
+bolt just dropped from the blue that he could find no words of
+responsive raillery wherewith to change the subject.
+
+Hepsey led the way to the parlor and seated herself, facing him
+judicially. In her quick mind the new evidence soon crystallized into
+proof of her already half-formed suspicions. She came straight to the
+point.
+
+"Is Bascom making you any trouble? If he is, say so, 'cause I happen
+to have the whip-hand so far as he's concerned. That Nelson's nothin'
+but a tool of his, and a dull tool at that."
+
+"He's an objectionable person, I must say," remarked Maxwell, and
+hesitated to trust himself further.
+
+Mrs. Burke gazed at Maxwell for some time in silence and then began:
+
+"You look about done up--I don't want to be pryin', but I guess you'd
+better own up. Something's the matter."
+
+"I am just worried and anxious, and I suppose I can't help showing
+it," he replied wearily.
+
+"So you're worried, are you. Now don't you get the worried habit; if
+it makes a start it will grow on you till you find yourself worryin'
+for fear the moon won't rise. Worryin's like usin' rusty scissors: it
+sets your mouth awry. You just take things as they come, and when it
+seems as if everything was goin' to smash and you couldn't help it,
+put on your overalls and paint a fence, or hammer tacks, or any old
+thing that comes handy. What has that rascal Bascom been doin'? Excuse
+me--my diplomacy's of the hammer-and-tongs order; you're not gettin'
+your salary paid?"
+
+For some time Maxwell hesitated and then answered:
+
+"Well, I guess I might as well tell you, because you will know all
+about it anyway in a day or two, and you might as well get a correct
+version of the affair from me, though I hate awfully to trouble you.
+The parish owes me two hundred and fifty dollars. I spoke to Reynolds
+about it several times, but he says that Bascom and several of his
+intimate friends won't pay their subscriptions promptly, and so he
+can't pay me. But the shortage in my salary is not the worst of it.
+Did you know that the rectory was heavily mortgaged, and that Bascom
+holds the mortgage?"
+
+"Yes, I knew it; but we paid something down', and the interest's been
+kept up, and we hoped that if we did that Bascom would be satisfied."
+
+"It seems that the interest has not been paid in some time, and the
+real reason why Nelson called just now was to inform me that as Bascom
+was about to foreclose we must get out as soon as we could. I told him
+that we would leave on Wednesday next."
+
+For a moment there was a look on Mrs. Burke's face which Maxwell never
+had seen before, and which boded ill for Bascom: but she made no
+immediate reply.
+
+"To tell you the truth," she said finally, "I have been afraid of
+this. That was the only thing that worried me about your gettin'
+married. But I felt that no good would come from worryin', and that if
+Bascom was goin' to play you some dirty trick, he'd do it; and now
+he's done it. What's got into the man, all of a sudden? He's a
+skinflint--always closer than hair to a dog's back; but I don't
+believe I've ever known him do somethin' downright ugly, like this."
+
+"Oh, I know well enough," remarked Donald. "If I had been aware of how
+matters stood about the rectory, I should have acted differently. I
+wrote him a pretty stiff letter a day or two ago, calling upon him,
+as Senior Warden, to use his influence to fulfill the contract with
+me, and get the arrears of my salary paid up. I suppose he had thought
+I would just get out of the place if my salary was held back--and he's
+wanted to get rid of me for some time. Now, he's taken this other
+means of ejecting me not only from his house but from the town itself.
+He knows I can't afford to pay the rent out of my salary--let alone
+out of half of it!" He laughed rather bitterly.
+
+"He'll be singing a different tune, before I've done with him," said
+Hepsey. "Now you leave this to me--I'll have a twitch on old Bascom's
+nose that'll make him think of something else than ejecting his
+rector. I'll go and visit with him a little this afternoon."
+
+"But Nelson said that he was in New York."
+
+"I know better than that," snorted Hepsey. "But I guess he'll want to
+go there, and stay the winter there too, maybe, when I've had my say.
+No sir--I'm goin' to take my knittin' up to his office, and sit
+awhile; and if he doesn't have the time of his life it won't be my
+fault."
+
+She turned to leave the room, with a belligerent swing of her
+shoulders.
+
+"Mrs. Burke," said Maxwell gently, "you are kindness itself; but I
+don't want you to do this--at least not yet. I want to fight this
+thing through myself, and rather to shame Bascom into doing the right
+thing than force him to do it--even if the latter were possible. I
+must think things out a bit. I shall want your help--we always do,
+Betty and I."
+
+"I don't know but you're right; but if your plan don't work, remember
+mine _will_. Well, Mrs. Betty'll be coming in soon, and I'll leave
+you. Meantime I shall just go home and load my guns: I'm out for
+Bascom's hide, sooner or later."
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+THE NEW RECTORY
+
+
+When Betty returned, and Donald told her the happenings of the
+morning, the clouds dispersed somewhat, and before long the dictum
+that "there is humor in all things"--even in ejection from house and
+home--seemed proven true. After lunch they sat in Donald's den, and
+were laughingly suggesting every kind of habitat, possible and
+impossible, from purchasing and fitting up the iceman's covered wagon
+and perambulating round the town, to taking a store and increasing
+their income by purveying Betty's tempting preserves and
+confections.
+
+Their consultation was interrupted by the arrival of Nickey, armed
+with a Boy Scouts' "Manual."
+
+"Gee! Mr. Maxwell: Uncle Jonathan Jackson's all right; I'll never do
+another thing to guy him. He's loaned us his tent for our Boy Scouts'
+corpse, and I've been studyin' out how to pitch it proper, so I can
+show the kids the ropes; but----"
+
+"Donald!" cried Betty. "The very thing--let's camp out on the church
+lot."
+
+"By Jinks!" exclaimed Maxwell, unclerically. "We'll have that tent up
+this very afternoon--if Nickey will lend it to us, second hand, and
+get his men together."
+
+Nickey flushed with delight. "You betcher life I will," he shouted
+excitedly. "Is it for a revival stunt? You 'aint goin' to live there,
+are you?"
+
+"That's just what we are going to do, if Jonathan and you'll lend us
+the tent for a few months. Mr. Bascom wants to let the rectory to some
+other tenants, and we've got to find somewhere else to lay our heads.
+Why, it's the very way! There's not a thing against it, that I can
+see. Let's go and see the tent, and consult Mrs. Burke. Come along,
+both of you."
+
+And off they hurried, like three children bent on a new game. It was
+soon arranged, and Hepsey rose to the occasion with her usual vim. To
+her and Nickey the transportation of the tent was consigned, while
+Maxwell went off to purchase the necessary boarding for a floor, and
+Mrs. Betty returned to the rectory to pack up their belongings.
+
+"We'll have to occupy our new quarters to-night," said Maxwell, "or
+our friend the enemy may raid the church lot in the night, and vanish
+with tent and all."
+
+An hour or so later, when Maxwell arrived at the church, clad in
+overalls and riding on a wagon of planks, he found Mrs. Burke and
+Nickey with a contingent of stalwarts awaiting him. There was a heap
+of canvas and some coils of rope lying on the ground near by. Hepsey
+greeted him with a smile from under the shade of her sun-bonnet.
+
+"You seem ready for business, even if you don't look a little bit like
+the Archbishop of Canterbury in that rig," she remarked. "I'm afraid
+there'll be an awful scandal in the parish if you go wanderin' around
+dressed like a carpenter; but it can't be helped; and if the Bishop
+excommunicates you, I'll give you a job on the farm."
+
+"I don't mind about the looks of it; but I suppose the vestry will
+have something to say about our camping on church property."
+
+"That needn't worry you. Maybe it'll bring 'em to their senses, and
+maybe, they'll be ashamed when they see their parson driven out of his
+house and havin' to live in a tent,--though I 'aint holdin' out much
+hope of that, to you. Folks that are the most religious are usually
+the hardest to shame. I always said, financially speakin', that
+preachin' wasn't a sound business. It's all give and no get; but this
+is the first time I've ever heard of a parish wanting a parson to
+preach without eating and to sleep without a roof over his head. Most
+of us seem to forget that rectors are human being like the rest of us.
+If religion is worth havin', it's worth payin' for."
+
+The planking was soon laid, and the erection of the tent was left to
+Nickey's captaining--all hands assisting. With his manual in one hand
+he laid it out, rope by rope, poles in position, and each helper at
+his place. Then at a word, up it soared, with a "bravo" from the
+puzzled onlookers.
+
+"We want a poet here," laughed Maxwell. "Longfellow's 'Building of the
+Ship,' or Ralph Connor's 'Building the Barn' aren't a circumstance to
+Nickey's 'Pitching the Parson's Tent.'"
+
+It was next divided off into three convenient rooms, for sleeping,
+eating and cooking--and Hepsey, with three scouts, having driven
+across to the old rectory while the finishing touches were being put
+to the new, she and her military escort soon returned with Mrs. Betty,
+and a load of furniture and other belongings.
+
+"Why, this is perfect!" cried Betty. "The only thing lacking to
+complete the illusion is a trout brook in the front yard, and the
+smell of pines and the damp mossy earth of the forests. We'll wear our
+old clothes, and have a bonfire at night, and roast potatoes and corn
+in the hot coals, and have the most beautiful time imaginable."
+
+The town visitors who still lingered on the scene were received
+cordially by Maxwell and Mrs. Betty, who seemed to be in rather high
+spirits; but when the visitors made any inquiries concerning
+structural matters they were politely referred to Nickey Burke for any
+information they desired, as he had assumed official management of the
+work.
+
+Just before the various helpers left at six o'clock, smoke began to
+issue from the little stove-pipe sticking out through the canvas of
+the rear of the tent, and Mrs. Betty, with her sleeves rolled up to
+her elbows and her cooking apron on, came out to watch it with all the
+pride of a good housekeeper.
+
+"Isn't it jolly, Mrs. Burke," she exclaimed. "I was afraid that it
+would not draw, but it really does, you see. This will be more fun
+than a month at the seashore; and to-morrow we are going to have you
+and Nickey dine with us in the tent; so don't make any other
+engagement. Don't forget."
+
+By noon of the following day everybody in town knew that the Maxwells
+had been dispossessed, and were camping on the church lot; and before
+night most of the women and a few of the men had called to satisfy
+their curiosity, and to express their sympathy with the rector and his
+wife, who, however, seemed to be quite comfortable and happy in their
+new quarters. On the other hand, some of the vestry hinted strongly
+that tents could not be put up on church property without their formal
+permission, and a few of the more pious suggested that it was little
+short of sacrilege thus to violate the sanctity of a consecrated
+place. Nickey had painted a large sign with the word RECTORY on it, in
+truly rustic lettering, and had hung it at the entrance of the tent.
+The Editor of the Durford Daily _Bugle_ appeared with the village
+photographer, and after an interview with Maxwell requested him and
+his wife to pose for a picture in front of the tent. This they
+declined with thanks; but a half-column article giving a sensational
+account of the affair appeared in the next issue of the paper, headed
+by a half-tone picture of the tent and the church. Public sentiment
+ran strongly against Bascom, to whom rumor quickly awarded the onus
+of the incident. In reply to offers of hospitality, Maxwell and Mrs.
+Betty insisted that they were very comfortable for the time being, and
+were not going to move or make any plans for the immediate future. The
+morning of the fourth day, Maxwell announced to Mrs. Betty that he had
+a strong presentiment that Bascom would soon make another move in the
+game, and he was not surprised when he saw Nelson approaching.
+
+"Thank goodness we are in the open air, this time," Maxwell remarked
+to Betty as he caught sight of the visitor. "I'll talk to him
+outside--and perhaps you'd better shut the door and keep out the
+language. I may have to express myself more forcibly than politely."
+
+Nelson began:
+
+"I am sorry to have to intrude upon you again, Mr. Maxwell, but I must
+inform you that you will have to vacant that tent and find lodgings
+elsewhere."
+
+"Why, pray? This tent is my property for as long as I require it."
+
+"Ah! But you see it has been put up on the land that belongs to the
+church, and you have no title to use the land, you know, for private
+purposes."
+
+"Pardon me," Maxwell replied, "but while the legal title to all
+church property is held by the wardens and vestry collectively, the
+freehold use of the church building and grounds is held by the rector
+for the purpose of the exercise of his office as rector. No church
+property is injured by this tent. This lot was originally purchased
+for a rectory. To all intents and purposes (excuse me; I am not
+punning) this tent is the rectory _pro tem_. The use of a rectory was
+offered me as part of the original agreement when I accepted the call
+to come to this parish."
+
+"Hm! You speak quite as if you belonged to the legal profession
+yourself, Mr. Maxwell. However, I am afraid that you will have to get
+off the lot just the same. You must remember that I am simply carrying
+out Mr. Bascom's instructions."
+
+"Very well; please give my compliments to Mr. Bascom and tell him that
+he is welcome to come here and put me out as soon as he thinks best.
+Moreover, you might remind him that he is not an autocrat, and that he
+cannot take any legal action in the matter without a formal meeting of
+the vestry, which I will call and at which I will preside. He can
+appeal to the Bishop if he sees fit."
+
+"Then I understand that you propose to stay where you are, in defiance
+of Mr. Bascom's orders?"
+
+"I most certainly do. It is well known that Mr. Bascom has
+successfully intimidated every one of my predecessors; but he has met
+his match for once. I shall not budge from this tent until I see
+fit."
+
+"Well, I should be very sorry to see you forcibly ejected."
+
+"Don't waste any sympathy on me, sir. If Mr. Bascom attempts to molest
+me, I shall take the matter to the courts and sue him for damages."
+
+"Your language is somewhat forcible, considering that you are supposed
+to be his pastor and spiritual advisor."
+
+"Very well; tell Mr. Bascom that as his spiritual advisor I strongly
+suggest that his spiritual condition will not be much improved by
+attempting to molest us here."
+
+"But to be perfectly frank with you, Mr. Maxwell, he can force you to
+leave, by stopping the payment of your salary, even if he does not
+eject you by force."
+
+"I rather think not. Until he can bring specific charges against me,
+he is liable for the fulfillment of our original contract, in his
+writing. Moreover, I may have more friends in the parish than he
+imagines."
+
+Nelson was visibly disturbed by the rector's firm hold on the
+situation.
+
+"But," he stuttered, "Mr. Bascom is the richest man in the parish, and
+his influence is strong. You will find that everyone defers to his
+judgment as a matter of course."
+
+"All right; then let me add, for your own information, that I can earn
+my living honestly in this town and take care of myself without Mr.
+Bascom's assistance, if necessary; and do my parish work at the same
+time. I have two muscular arms, and if it comes down to earning a
+livelihood, independent of my salary, I can work on the state road
+hauling stone. Williamson told me yesterday he was looking for men."
+
+"I can scarcely think that the parishioners would hold with their
+rector working like a common laborer, Mr. Maxwell," admonished
+Nelson.
+
+"We are all 'common,' in the right sense, Mr. Nelson. My view is that
+work of any kind is always honorable when necessary, except in the
+eyes of the ignorant. If Mr. Bascom is mortified to have me earn my
+living by manual labor, when he is not ashamed to repudiate a
+contract, and try to force me out of the parish by a process of slow
+starvation, his sense of fitness equals his standard of honor."
+
+"Well, I am sure that I do not know what I can do."
+
+"Do you want me to tell you?"
+
+"If it will relieve your feelings," Nelson drawled insolently.
+
+"Then get out of this place and stay out. If you return again for any
+purpose whatever I am afraid it is I who will have to eject you. We
+will not argue the matter again."
+
+"Well, I regret this unfortunate encounter, and to have been forced to
+listen to the unguarded vituperation of my rector." With which retort
+he departed.
+
+Soon after Nelson had left, Mrs. Burke called in, and Betty gave her a
+highly amusing and somewhat colored version of the interview.
+
+"You know, I think that our theological seminaries don't teach budding
+parsons all they ought to, by any means," she concluded.
+
+"I quite agree with you, Betty dear; and I thank my stars for college
+athletics," laughed Maxwell, squaring up to the tent-pole.
+
+"What did I tell you," reminded Hepsey, "when you had all those books
+up in your room at my place. It's just as important for a country
+parson to know how to make a wiped-joint or run a chicken farm or pull
+teeth, as it is to study church history and theology. A parson's got
+to live somehow, and a trade school ought to be attached to every
+seminary, according to my way of thinking! St. Paul made tents, and
+wasn't a bit ashamed of it. Well I'm mighty glad that Bascom has got
+come up with for once. Don't you give in, and it will be my turn to
+make the next move, if this don't bring him to his senses. You just
+wait and see."
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+COULEUR de ROSE
+
+
+Hepsey had been so busy with helping the Maxwells that for some time
+no opportunity had occurred for Jonathan to press his ardent suit.
+Since his first attempt and its abrupt termination, he had been
+somewhat bewildered; he had failed to decide whether he was an engaged
+man open to congratulations, or a rejected suitor to be condoled with.
+He tried to recall exactly what she had said. As near as he could
+recollect, it was: "I'll think it over, and perhaps some day--" Then
+he had committed the indiscretion of grasping her hand, causing her
+to drop her stitches before she had ended what she was going to say.
+He could have sworn at himself to think that it was all his fault that
+she had stopped just at the critical moment, when she might have
+committed herself and given him some real encouragement. But he
+consoled himself by the thought that she had evidently taken him
+seriously at last; and so to the "perhaps some day" he added, in
+imagination, the words "I will take you"; and this seemed reasonable.
+
+The matter was more difficult from the very fact that they had been on
+such intimate terms for such a long time, and she had never hitherto
+given him any reason to think that she cared for him other than as a
+good neighbor and a friend. Ever since the death of his wife, she
+seemed to feel that he had been left an orphan in a cold and
+unsympathetic world, and that it was her duty to look after him much
+as she would a child. She was in the habit of walking over whenever
+she pleased and giving directions to Mary McGuire in regard to matters
+which she thought needed attention in his house. And all this had been
+done in the most open and matter-of-fact way, so that the most
+accomplished gossip in Durford never accused her of making matrimonial
+advances to the lonesome widower. Even Jonathan himself had been
+clever enough to see that she regarded him much as she would an
+overgrown boy, and had always accepted her many attentions without
+misinterpreting them. She was a born manager, and she managed him;
+that was all. Nothing could be more unsentimental than the way in
+which she would make him take off his coat during a friendly call, and
+let her sponge and press it for him; or the imperative fashion in
+which she sent him to the barber's to have his beard trimmed. How
+could a man make love to a woman after she had acted like this?
+
+But he reminded himself that if he was ever to win her he must begin
+to carry out the advice outlined by Mrs. Betty; and so the apparently
+unsuspecting Hepsey would find on her side porch in the morning some
+specially fine corn which had been placed there after dark without the
+name of the donor. Once a fine melon was accompanied by a bottle of
+perfumery; and again a basket of peaches had secreted in its center a
+package of toilet soap "strong enough to kill the grass," as Hepsey
+remarked as she sniffed at it. Finally matters reached a climax when a
+bushel of potatoes arrived on the scene in the early dawn, and with it
+a canary bird in a tin cage. When Hepsey saw Jonathan later, she
+remarked casually that she "guessed she'd keep the potatoes; but she
+didn't need a canary bird any more than a turtle needs a tooth-pick;
+and he had better take it away and get his money back."
+
+However, Jonathan never allowed her occasional rebuffs to discourage
+him or stop his attentions. He kept a close watch on all Hepsey's
+domestic interests, and if there were any small repairs to be made at
+Thunder Cliff, a hole in the roof to be mended, or the bricks on the
+top of the chimney to be relaid, or the conductor pipe to be
+readjusted, Jonathan was on the spot. Then Jonathan would receive in
+return a layer cake with chopped walnuts in the filling, and would
+accept it in the same matter-of-fact way in which Hepsey permitted his
+services as general caretaker.
+
+This give-and-take business went on for some time. At last it occurred
+to him that Mrs. Burke's front porch ought to be painted, and he
+conceived the notion of doing the work without her knowledge, as a
+pleasant surprise to her. He waited a long time for some day when she
+should be going over to shop at Martin's Junction,--when Nickey
+usually managed to be taken along,--so that he could do the work
+unobserved. Meantime, he collected from the hardware store various
+cards with samples of different colors on them. These he would
+combine and re-combine at his leisure, in the effort to decide just
+what colors would harmonize. He finally decided that a rather dark
+blue for the body work would go quite well, with a bright magenta for
+the trimmings, and laid in a stock of paint and brushes, and possessed
+his soul in patience.
+
+So one afternoon, arriving home burdened with the spoils of Martin's
+Junction, great was Mrs. Burke's astonishment and wrath when she
+discovered the porch resplendent in dark blue and magenta.
+
+"Sakes alive! Have I got to live inside of that," she snorted. "Why,
+it's the worst lookin' thing I ever saw. If I don't settle _him_," she
+added, "--paintin' my porch as if it belonged to him--and me as well,"
+she added ambiguously. And, catching up her sun-bonnet, she hastened
+over to her neighbor's and inquired for Jonathan. "Sure, he's gone to
+Martin's Junction to see his brother, Mrs. Burke. He said he'd stay
+over night, and I needn't come in again till to-morrow dinner-time,"
+Mary McGuire replied.
+
+Hepsey hastened home, and gathering all the rags she could find, she
+summoned Nickey and Mullen, one of the men from the farm, and they
+worked with turpentine for nearly two hours, cleaning off the fresh
+paint from the porch. Then she sent Nickey down to the hardware store
+for some light gray paint and some vivid scarlet paint, and a bit of
+dryer. It did not take very long to repaint her porch gray--every
+trace of the blue and the magenta having been removed by the vigorous
+efforts of the three.
+
+When it was finished, she opened the can of scarlet, and pouring in a
+large quantity of dryer she sent Nickey over to see if Mary McGuire
+had gone home. All three set to work that evening to paint the porch
+in front of Jonathan's house. At first Mullen protested anxiously that
+it was none of his business to be painting another man's porch, but
+Mrs. Burke gave him a look which changed his convictions; so he and
+Nickey proceeded gleefully to fulfill their appointed task, while she
+got supper.
+
+When the work was quite finished. Hepsey went over to inspect it, and
+remarked thoughtfully to herself: "I should think that a half pint of
+dryer might be able to get in considerable work before to-morrow noon.
+I hope Jonathan'll like scarlet. To be sure it does look rather
+strikin' on a white house; but then variety helps to relieve the
+monotony of a dead alive town like Durford; and if he don't like it
+plain, he can trim it green. I'll teach him to come paintin' my house
+without so much as a by-your-leave, or with-your-leave, lettin' the
+whole place think things."
+
+As it happened, Jonathan returned late that night to Durford--quite
+too late to see the transformation of his own front porch, and since
+he entered by the side door as usual, he did not even smell the new
+paint. The next morning he sauntered over to Thunder Cliff, all agog
+for his reward, and Mrs. Burke greeted him at her side door, smiling
+sweetly.
+
+"Good mornin', Jonathan. It was awful good of you to paint my front
+porch. It _has_ needed paintin' for some time now, but I never seemed
+to get around to it."
+
+"Don't mention it, Hepsey," Jonathan replied affably. "Don't mention
+it. You're always doin' somethin' for me, and it's a pity if I can't
+do a little thing like that for you once in a while."
+
+Hepsey had strolled round to the front, as if to admire his work,
+Jonathan following. Suddenly he came to a halt; his jaw dropped, and
+he stared as if he had gone out of his senses.
+
+"Such a lovely color; gray just suits the house, you know," Mrs. Burke
+observed. "You certainly ought to have been an artist, Jonathan. Any
+man with such an eye for color ought not to be wastin' his time on a
+farm."
+
+Jonathan still gazed at the porch in amazement, blinked hard, wiped
+his eyes and his glasses with his handkerchief, and looked again.
+
+"What's the matter with you? Have you a headache?" Hepsey inquired
+solicitously.
+
+"No, I haven't got no headache; but when I left that porch yesterday
+noon it was blue, and now I'm blamed if it don't seem gray. Does it
+look gray-like to you, Hepsey?"
+
+"Why certainly! What's that you say? Do you say you painted it blue?
+That certainly's mighty queer. But then you know some kinds of paint
+fade--some kinds do!" She nodded, looking suspiciously at the work.
+
+"Fade!" Jonathan sneered. "Paints don't fade by moonlight in one
+night. That isn't no faded blue. It's just plain gray. I must be goin'
+color blind, or something."
+
+"It looks gray to me, and I'm glad it is gray, so don't you worry
+about it, Jonathan. Blue would be somethin' awful on the front of a
+white house, you know."
+
+"Well," continued the bewildered Junior Warden, "I'm blessed if this
+isn't the queerest thing I ever see in all my born days. If I catch
+the fellow that sold me that paint, I'll make it lively for him or my
+name isn't Jackson."
+
+"Oh, I wouldn't do anything like that! What difference does it make,
+so long as I like the color myself; it's my house. I should have been
+very much put out if you'd painted it blue; yes, I should."
+
+"But I don't like to be cheated down at the store; and I won't, by
+gum! They said it was best quality paint! I'll go down to Crosscut's
+and see about this business, right now. I've traded with him nigh on
+twenty years, and he don't bamboozle me that way."
+
+Hepsey turned away choking with laughter, and retreated to her
+kitchen.
+
+Jonathan started back towards his house to get his hat and coat, and
+then for the first time he caught sight of his own porch, done in
+flaming scarlet, which fairly seemed to radiate heat in the brilliant
+sunlight. He stood motionless for nearly a minute, paralyzed. Then the
+color began to rise in his neck and face as he muttered under his
+breath:
+
+"Hm! I'm on to the whole business now. I ought to have known that
+Hepsey would get the best of me. I guess I won't go down to Crosscut's
+after all."
+
+Then he walked up to the porch and touched the scarlet paint with his
+finger and remarked:
+
+"Set harder than a rock, by gum! She must have used a whole lot of
+dryer. I'll get even with her for this. See if I don't."
+
+In the afternoon Jonathan brought over some fine apples and presented
+them to Hepsey, who was knitting on her side porch. She thanked him
+for the gift, and the conversation drifted from one thing to another
+while she waited for the expected outburst of reproach which she knew
+would come sooner or later. But curiously enough, Jonathan was more
+cheery and cordial than usual, and made no allusion whatever to the
+scarlet porch, which was conspicuously visible from where they sat.
+Again and again Hepsey led the conversation around to the point where
+it seemed as if he must break covert, but he remained oblivious, and
+changed the subject readily. Not a word on the subject passed his lips
+that afternoon.
+
+Then, from day to day the neighbors called and inquired of her if
+Jackson had gone off his head, or what was the matter. His flaming
+porch outraged Durford's sense of decency. She was at her wits end to
+answer, without actually lying or compromising herself; so the only
+thing she said was that she had noticed that he had been acting a bit
+peculiar lately, now they mentioned it. As time went on, the scarlet
+porch became the talk of the town. It was duly discussed at the sewing
+society, and the reading club, and the general sentiment was
+practically unanimous that Jackson must be suffering from incipient
+cataract or senile dementia, and needed a guardian. Even Mary McGuire
+remarked to Mrs. Burke that she was afraid "that there front porch
+would sure set the house on fire, if it wasn't put out before."
+Everybody agreed that if his wife had lived, the thing never could
+have happened.
+
+Meantime, Jonathan went about his daily business, serene and happy,
+apparently oblivious of the fact that there was anything unusual in
+the decoration of his house. When his friends began to chaff him about
+the porch he seemed surprised, and guessed it was his privilege to
+paint his house any color he had a mind to, and there was no law
+ag'in' it; it was nobody's business but his own. Tastes in color
+differed, and there was no reason in the world why all houses should
+be painted alike. He liked variety himself, and nobody could say that
+scarlet wasn't a real cheerful color on a white house.
+
+Occasionally people who were driving by stopped to contemplate the
+porch; and the Durford Daily _Bugle_ devoted a long facetious
+paragraph to the matter. All of which Mrs. Burke knew very well, and
+it was having its effect on her nerves. The porch was the most
+conspicuous object in view from Hepsey's sitting-room windows, and
+every time she entered the room she found herself looking at the
+flaming terror with increasing exasperation. Verily, if Jonathan
+wanted revenge he was getting far more than he knew: the biter was
+badly bit. The matter came to a crisis one day, when Jonathan
+concluded a discussion with Mrs. Burke about the pasture fence. She
+burst out abruptly:
+
+"Say, Jonathan Jackson, why in the name of conscience don't you paint
+your porch a Christian color? It's simply awful, and I'm not goin' to
+sit in my house and have to look at it all winter."
+
+Jonathan did not seem greatly stirred, and replied in an absent-minded
+way:
+
+"Why don't you move your sittin' room over to the other side of the
+house, Hepsey? Then you wouldn't have to see it. Don't you like
+scarlet?"
+
+"No, I don't like it, and if you don't paint it out, I will."
+
+"Don't do nothin' rash, Hepsey. You know sometimes colors fade in the
+moonlight--some colors, that is. Maybe that scarlet porch'll turn to a
+light gray if you let it alone."
+
+Mrs. Burke could stand it no longer; so, laying down her work she
+exploded her pent-up wrath:
+
+"Jonathan Jackson, if that paint isn't gone before to-morrow, I'll
+come over and paint it myself."
+
+"Oh, that isn't necessary, Hepsey. And it might set people talkin'.
+But if you won't move your sittin'-room to the other side of your own
+house, why don't you move it over to my house? You wouldn't see so
+much of the red paint then."
+
+Hepsey snorted and spluttered in baffled rage.
+
+"Now, now, Hepsey," soothed Jonathan, "if that don't suit you, I'll
+tell you what I'll do: I'll paint it over myself on one condition!"
+
+"And what's that, I'd like to know?"
+
+"That you'll marry me," snapped Jonathan hungrily.
+
+Instead of resenting such bold tactics on the part of her suitor, Mrs.
+Burke gazed at him a long time with a rather discouraged look on her
+face.
+
+"Land sakes!" she exclaimed at last with assumed weariness and a
+whimsical smile, "I didn't know I'd ever come to this; but I guess
+I'll have to marry you to keep you from makin' another kind of fool of
+yourself; widowers are such helpless mortals, and you certainly do
+need a guardian." She shook her head at him despondently.
+
+Jonathan advanced towards her deliberately, and clinched the matter:
+
+"Well, Hepsey, seein' that we're engaged----"
+
+"Engaged? What do you mean? Get away, you----" She rose from her chair
+in a hurry.
+
+"Now Hepsey, a bargain's a bargain: you just said you'd have to marry
+me, and I guess the sooner you do it and have it over with, the
+better. So, seein' that we are engaged to be married, as I was about
+to remark when you interrupted me...." Relentlessly he approached her
+once more. She retreated a step or two.
+
+"Well! Sakes alive, Jonathan! Whatever's come over you to make you so
+masterful. Well, yes then--I suppose a bargain's a bargain, all right.
+But before your side of it's paid up you've got to go right over and
+paint that porch of yours a respectable color."
+
+So, for once, Hepsey's strategy had been manipulated to her own
+defeat: Jonathan went off to town with flying colors, and bought
+himself a can of pure white paint.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XX
+
+MUSCULAR CHRISTIANITY
+
+
+It was eleven o'clock at night. Mrs. Betty had retired, while her
+husband was still struggling to finish a sermon on the importance of
+foreign missions. Ordinarily, the work would have been congenial and
+easy for him, because he was an enthusiast in the matter of missionary
+work: but now for some reason his thoughts were confused; his
+enthusiasm was lacking, and his pen dragged. He tried hard to pull
+himself together, but over and over again the question kept repeating
+itself in his tired brain: Why should the Church support foreign
+missions, while she lets her hard working clergy at home suffer and
+half starve in their old age, and even fails to give them decent
+support while they are working in their prime? Why should a doctor
+reach his highest professional value at seventy, and a parson be past
+the "dead-line" at forty-five? Here he was, subject to the caprice and
+ill-will of a sour and miserly Senior Warden, and a cowed and at least
+partially "bossed" vestry--and he, the rector, with no practical power
+of appeal for the enforcement of his legal contract. It was only
+thanks to Jonathan Jackson, the Junior Warden, that any revenue at all
+reached him; for Bascom had used every grain of influence he possessed
+to reduce or stop Maxwell's salary. Mrs. Betty, plucky and cheery
+though she was, already showed the results of the weary struggle: it
+was not the work that took the color from her cheeks and the freshness
+from her face, but the worry incidental to causes which, in any other
+calling in life but his, would be removable.
+
+Already he had parted with a considerable number of his books to eke
+out, and meet the many calls upon him--urgent and insistent calls. It
+became abundantly clear, as his mind strayed from the manuscript
+before him and turned to their immediate situation, that he was
+already forced to choose between two alternatives: either he must give
+up, and own himself and all the better influences in the place beaten
+by Bascom and his satellites; or he must find some means of augmenting
+his means of living, without allowing his time and energy to be
+monopolized to the neglect of essential parish and church duties.
+
+As he thought on these things, somehow his enthusiasm for foreign
+missions ebbed away, and left him desperately tired and worried. He
+made several abortive attempts to put some fire into his missionary
+plea, but it was useless; and he was about to give up when he heard
+Mrs. Betty's gentle voice inquiring from the next room:
+
+"May I come in? Haven't you finished that wretched old missionary
+sermon yet?"
+
+"No, dear; but why aren't you asleep?"
+
+"I have been anxious about you. You are worn out and you need your
+rest. Now just let the heathen rage, and go to bed."
+
+Maxwell made no reply, but picked at his manuscript aimlessly with his
+pen. Betty looked into his face, and then the whole stress of the
+situation pierced her; and sitting down by his side she dropped her
+head on his shoulder and with one arm around his neck stroked his
+cheek with her fingers. For a few moments neither of them spoke; and
+then Maxwell said quietly:
+
+"Betty, love, I am going to work."
+
+"But Donny, you are one of the hardest working men in this town. What
+do you mean?"
+
+"Oh, I mean that I am going to find secular work, the work of a day
+laborer, if necessary. Matters have come to a crisis, and I simply
+cannot stand this sort of thing any longer. If I were alone I might
+get along; but I have you, sweetheart, and----"
+
+Maxwell stopped suddenly, and the brave little woman at his side
+said:
+
+"Yes, I know all about it, Donald, and I think you are fully justified
+in doing anything you think best."
+
+"And you wouldn't feel ashamed of me if I handled a shovel or dug in
+the street?"
+
+"I'd be the proudest woman in the town, Donny; you are just your fine
+dear self, whatever you do; and if you have the courage to put your
+pride in your pocket and work in overalls, that would make you all the
+finer to me. Manual work would relieve the tension of your nerves. You
+seem to be in fairly good physical condition. Don't you worry one bit
+about me. I am going to wash some lace curtains for Mrs. Roscoe-Jones,
+and that will keep me out of mischief. Now, if you will allow me, I am
+going to tear up that sermon on foreign missions, and start a little
+home mission of my own by sending you to bed."
+
+The second morning after this ruthless destruction of Maxwell's
+eloquent plea for the mission at Bankolulu, Danny Dolan drove up to
+the tent-rectory at half-past six, and Maxwell emerged and jumped up
+by Danny's side, dressed in a rather soiled suit of overalls: Danny
+was a teamster, a good looking youth, and a devoted friend of
+Maxwell's since the parson had taken care of him and his family
+through an attack of malignant diphtheria. But while Danny was a most
+loyal friend, he was not of the emotional type, and so, when Maxwell
+had seated himself comfortably and had lighted his briar pipe, Danny
+started down the road at a vigorous pace, grinning broadly at
+Maxwell's attire as he remarked:
+
+"So you're really goin' to work like the rest of us, I reckon."
+
+"Right you are, Danny--four days a week, anyhow. Don't I look like the
+real thing?"
+
+"Sure you do; only you better not shave every day, and you'll have to
+get your hands dirty before you can fool anybody, and maybe your
+face'll give you away even then. Be you comfortable in them clothes?"
+
+"Sure thing; I'm never so contented as I am in working clothes."
+
+"That's all right. You're the stuff. But how about the proper old
+maids in the parish who ogle and dance around you; they won't cotton
+to your clothes a little bit. They'll think you're degradin' of
+yourself and disgracin' of the parish. Here you be ridin' on a stone
+wagon, and you don't look a bit better than me, if I do say it."
+
+"I'm afraid they'll have to survive the shock somehow or other; a man
+has to dress according to his work."
+
+"Hm! Now there's that there Mrs. Roscoe-Jones and Miss Bascom; I'll
+bet if they saw you in that rig they'd throw a fit."
+
+"Oh no; it isn't as bad as that, Danny."
+
+"They'd think you'd been disgraced for life, to become a laborin' man,
+you bet."
+
+"A what?"
+
+"A laborin' man."
+
+"Then you think that a parson doesn't labor?"
+
+"Well, I always thought that bein' a parson was a dead easy job, and a
+nice clean job too."
+
+"Danny," Maxwell inquired after a momentary silence, "don't you
+suppose that a man labors with his brain as well as with his muscles?
+And sometimes a parson labors with his heart, and that is the hardest
+kind of work a man ever does. The man who is most of a laboring man
+is the man who labors with every power and faculty he possesses."
+
+"Well, now, I guess that may be right, if you look at it that way."
+
+"Yes; you speak of a laboring man, and you mean a man who uses his
+muscles and lets his brain and his feelings die of starvation. To try
+to help some one you're fond of, who is going to the bad, is the most
+nerve-racking and exhausting work which any man can possibly do."
+
+"Hm! you always was a dum queer parson, more like the rest of us,
+somehow. And you don't hold that you're disgracin' your profession
+ridin' with me, and shovelin' gravel?"
+
+"I don't seem to be worrying much about it, do I?"
+
+"No," he agreed--and added, "and I'm dum sure I would like a day off
+now and then from preachin' and callin' on old maids, if I was you.
+But there's times I might be willin' for to let you take my work for
+yours."
+
+"Now see here, if you'll do my work for a few days, I'll do yours."
+
+"Well, what'd I have to do? I 'aint makin' any contract without
+specifications."
+
+"Well, suppose we say you do my work Saturday and Sunday. That means
+you finish up two sermons, which must be original and interesting
+when you are preaching to the same set of people about a hundred and
+fifty times a year. Then you must go and see a woman who is always
+complaining, and listen to her woes for three-quarters of an hour.
+Then you must go and see what you can do for Tom Bradsaw, who is dying
+of tuberculosis. Then you must conduct a choir rehearsal--not always
+the highest gratification of a musical ear. Sunday, you must conduct
+four services and try to rouse a handful of people, who stare at you
+from the back pews, to some higher ideals of life and common decency,
+Then----"
+
+"Oh, heavens, man! Sure, an' that's enough; I stick to the stone wagon
+every time."
+
+"You'd be a fool if you didn't," replied Maxwell straightly. "Then
+again you get your pay promptly every Saturday night. I never know
+when I am going to get mine."
+
+"You don't? Begad, and I wouldn't work for anybody if I wasn't paid
+prompt. I'd sue the Bishop or the Pope, or somebody."
+
+"Parsons don't sue: it's considered improper."
+
+"Well, well," muttered the astonished Danny. "Be you sure you can
+shovel stone then?" he asked.
+
+Maxwell unbuttoned his wristband, rolled up his sleeve. "If I can't,
+I'll know the reason why," he remarked tersely.
+
+"That's the stuff," laughed Danny, looking at Maxwell's muscle. "I
+guess I don't want to meet you out walkin' after dark without a gun.
+But say, why don't you swat the Bishop one, and get your pay?"
+
+"The Bishop isn't responsible."
+
+"Well, I'll bet I know who is, dang him; and I'd like to swat him one
+for you, the miserable old bag-of-bones."
+
+"Never you mind, Danny; I can take care of myself."
+
+"Sure you can, and I guess you're a laborin' man all right, even if
+you don't belong to the Union. Why don't you get up a parson's Union
+and go on strike? By Jove! I would. Let your parish go to----"
+
+"Danny, don't you think it looks like rain?"
+
+"No, neither do you; but here we are at the stone pile. My! but how
+the fellers will grin when they see a tenderfoot like you, and a
+parson at that, shovelin' stone. But they won't think any the less of
+you for it, mind you," he reassured his companion.
+
+Maxwell knew most of the men, and greeted them by name, and when he
+rolled up his sleeves and began work, they quickly saw that he was "no
+slouch," and that he did not "soldier," or shirk, as many of them
+did--though sometimes they were inclined to rest on their shovels and
+chaff him good-naturedly, and ask him if he had his Union card with
+him.
+
+Shoveling stone is no picnic, as Danny and his fellows would have put
+it. It is not only the hard, obstructed thrust, thrust of the shovel
+into the heap of broken stone, and the constant lift and swing of each
+shovelful into the wagon; it is the slow monotony of repetition of
+unvarying motion that becomes most irksome to the tyro, and wears down
+the nervous system of the old hand till his whole being is leveled to
+the insensibility of a soulless machine.
+
+But, though new to the process itself, Maxwell was not ignorant of its
+effects; and soon he found himself distracting his attention from the
+strain of the muscular tension by fitting the action to the rhythm of
+some old sailor's chanteys he had learned at college. The effect
+amused the men; and then as some of them caught the beat, and others
+joined in, soon the whole gang was ringing the changes on the simple
+airs, and found it a rousing and cheerful diversion from the monotony
+of labor.
+
+If a pause came, soon one of them would call out: "Come on, Parson;
+strike up the hymn."
+
+One by one the wagons were loaded, and driven to the road. After they
+had filled the last wagon, Danny put on his coat, and he and Maxwell
+mounted and drove out of the yard.
+
+"Where are we going with this?" Maxwell inquired.
+
+"Down on the state road, first turn to the left."
+
+"Why, that must be near Willow Bluff, Mr. Bascom's place, isn't it?"
+
+"Right opposite. Bascom, he come out yesterday, and said he wouldn't
+stand for that steam roller snortin' back and forth in front of his
+house. But Jim Ferris told him he had his orders from Williamson, and
+he wasn't goin' to be held up by nobody until Williamson told him to
+stop. Jim isn't any kind of fool."
+
+When they arrived in front of Willow Bluff, they stopped, dismounted,
+and dumped the crushed stone, and then returned to the stone yard. At
+noon they camped out on the curb in front of Willow Bluff. After
+Maxwell had done full justice to the contents of his dinner pail, he
+stretched himself full length on the grass for a few moments, chatting
+with his mates in friendly fashion. Then he went over to the roller
+and assisted the engineer in "oiling up." Being a novice at the
+business, he managed to get his hands black with oil, and smeared a
+streak across one cheek, which, while it helped to obscure his
+identity, did not add to his facial beauty. He was blissfully
+unconscious of this. About three o'clock Bascom returned from his
+office, just as Maxwell was dismounting from the wagon after bringing
+a load. At first Bascom did not recognize the rector, but a second
+glance brought the awful truth home to his subliminal self, and he
+stopped and stared at Maxwell, stricken dumb. Maxwell politely touched
+his hat, and smilingly remarked that it was a fine day. Bascom made no
+reply at first.
+
+[Illustration: "I CONSIDER IT A SHAME AND A DISGRACE TO THE PARISH TO
+HAVE OUR RECTOR IN FILTHY CLOTHES, DRAWING STONE WITH A
+LOT OF RUFFIANS"]
+
+"Can it be possible that this is you, Mr. Maxwell?" he almost
+whispered, at last.
+
+"It is, to the best of my knowledge and belief."
+
+"What in the name of heaven are you working with these men for, if I
+may ask?"
+
+"To earn sufficient money to pay my grocer's bill."
+
+Bascom colored hotly, and sputtered:
+
+"I consider it a shame and a disgrace to the parish to have our rector
+in filthy clothes, drawing stone with a lot of ruffians."
+
+Maxwell colored as hotly, and replied:
+
+"They are not ruffians, sir; they are honest men, supporting their
+families in a perfectly legitimate way, giving their labor
+and"--significantly--"receiving their pay for it."
+
+"And you, sir, are engaged to work for the parish, as a minister of
+God."
+
+"Unfortunately, I am not being paid by the parish; that is why I am
+working here. Neither my wife nor myself is going to starve."
+
+"You haven't any pride, sir!" Bascom fumed, his temper out of control.
+"We have had many incompetent rectors, but this really surpasses
+anything. We have never had anyone like you."
+
+Maxwell paused again in his work, and, leaning on his shovel, looked
+Bascom in the eye:
+
+"By which you mean that you have never had anyone who was independent
+enough to grip the situation in both hands and do exactly what he
+thought best, independent of your dictation."
+
+"I will not converse with you any more. You are insulting."
+
+"As the corporation is paying me for my time, I prefer work to
+conversation."
+
+Bascom strode along the road towards his home. Danny Dolan, who had
+been a shameless auditor of this conversation, from the other side of
+the wagon, was beside himself with delight:
+
+"Holy Moses! but didn't you give it to the old man. And here be all
+your adorers from town after comin' to tea at the house, and you
+lookin' like the stoker of an engine with black grease half an inch
+thick on your cheek."
+
+Maxwell pulled out his handkerchief, and made an abortive effort to
+get his face clean.
+
+"How is it now, Danny?"
+
+"Oh, it 'aint nearly as thick in any one place; it's mostly all over
+your face now." Then Danny laughed irreverently again. "Sure, an' you
+certainly do look like the real thing now."
+
+Maxwell was raking gravel when the guests for the afternoon tea were
+passing; and though he did not look up, he fully realized that they
+had recognized him, from the buzz of talk and the turning of heads.
+
+Danny returned from his safer distance when he saw the coast was
+clear. Maxwell had a shrewd suspicion that the boy had taken himself
+off believing it might embarrass Maxwell less if any of the ladies
+should speak to him.
+
+"Did none of 'em know you, then?" he asked.
+
+"Not one of them spoke; I guess my disguise is pretty complete."
+
+"Thank hiven!" Danny exclaimed. "Then the crisis is passed for to-day
+at least, and your reputation is saved; but if you don't get out of
+this they'll be comin' out again, and then nobody knows what'll
+happen. Better smear some more oil over the other cheek to cover the
+last bit of dacency left in you."
+
+At the end of the day's work, Maxwell threw his shovel into Dolan's
+wagon and jumped up on the seat with him and drove back to town.
+
+"Well," said Maxwell's friend, delightedly, "you done a mighty good
+day's work for a tenderfoot; but you done more with that old Bascom
+than in all the rest of the day put together. My! but I thought I'd
+split my sides to see you puttin' him where he belonged, and you
+lookin' like a coal heaver. But it's a howlin' shame you didn't speak
+to them women, goin' all rigged up for the party. That would've been
+the finishin' touch."
+
+He swayed about on his seat, laughing heartily, until they drew up
+before the rectory, where Mrs. Betty was waiting to greet Maxwell.
+
+Danny touched his cap shyly--but Betty came down to the wagon and gave
+him a cheery greeting.
+
+"Well--you've brought him back alive, Mr. Dolan, anyway."
+
+"Yes ma'am! And I reckon he'll keep you busy puttin' the food to him,
+if he eats like he works: he's a glutton for work, is Mr. Maxwell."
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XXI
+
+UNINVITED GUESTS
+
+
+A few nights later, when Maxwell returned from his work he found Mrs.
+Burke sitting on the front platform of the tent with Mrs. Betty; and
+having washed, and changed his clothes, he persuaded their visitor to
+stay to supper. After supper was over they sat out doors, chatting of
+Maxwell's amusing experiences.
+
+They had not been sitting long when their attention was attracted by a
+noise up the street, and going to the fence they saw a horse, over
+which the driver evidently had lost control, galloping towards them,
+with a buggy which was swerving from side to side under the momentum
+of its terrific speed.
+
+Maxwell rushed into the middle of the street to see if he could be of
+any assistance in stopping the horse and preventing a catastrophe; but
+before he could get near enough to be of any service the animal
+suddenly shied, the buggy gave a final lurch, overturned, and was
+thrown violently against a telegraph pole. The horse, freed, dashed
+on, dragging the shafts and part of the harness. The occupant of the
+buggy had been thrown out against the telegraph pole with considerable
+force, knocked senseless, and lay in the gutter, stained with blood
+and dirt. Mrs. Burke and Betty lifted the body of the buggy, while
+Maxwell pulled out from under it the senseless form of a man; and when
+they had turned him over and wiped the blood from his face, they
+discovered, to their utter amazement, that the victim was no less a
+personage than the Senior Warden, Sylvester Bascom.
+
+Of course there was nothing to be done but to carry him as best they
+could into the tent, and lay him on a lounge. Maxwell ran hastily for
+a doctor, while Hepsey and Mrs. Betty applied restoratives, washed the
+face of the injured man, and bound up as best they could what appeared
+to be a serious wound on one wrist, and another on the side of his
+head. The doctor responded promptly, and after a thorough examination
+announced that Bascom was seriously hurt, and that at present it would
+be dangerous to remove him. So Mrs. Betty and her guest removed
+Maxwell's personal belongings, and improvised a bed in the front room
+of the tent, into which Bascom was lifted with the greatest care.
+Having done what he could, the doctor departed, promising to return
+soon. In about twenty minutes there were signs of returning
+consciousness, and for some time Bascom looked about him in a dazed
+way, and groaned with pain. Mrs. Burke decided at once to remain all
+night with Mrs. Betty, and assist in caring for the warden until
+Virginia could arrive and assume charge of the case. After about an
+hour, Bascom seemed to be fully conscious as he gazed from one face to
+another, and looked wonderingly at the canvas tent in which he found
+himself. Mrs. Burke bent over him and inquired:
+
+"Are you in much pain, Mr. Bascom?"
+
+For a moment or two the Senior Warden made no answer; then in a hoarse
+whisper he inquired:
+
+"Where am I? What has happened?"
+
+"Well, you see, something frightened your horse, and your buggy was
+overturned, and you were thrown against a telegraph pole and injured
+more or less. We picked you up and brought you in here, cleaned you
+up, and tried to make you as comfortable as possible. The doctor has
+been here and looked you over, and will return in a few minutes."
+
+"Am I seriously injured?"
+
+"You have two bad wounds, and have evidently lost a good deal of
+blood; but don't worry. Mrs. Betty and I and the rest of us will take
+good care of you and do all we can until Virginia is able to take you
+home again."
+
+"Where am I?"
+
+A curious expression of mild triumph and amusement played across Mrs.
+Burke's face as she replied:
+
+"You are in Donald Maxwell's tent. This was the nearest place where we
+could bring you at the time of the accident."
+
+For a moment a vestige of color appeared in Bascom's face, and he
+whispered hoarsely:
+
+"Why didn't you take me home?"
+
+"Well, we were afraid to move you until the doctor had examined you
+thoroughly."
+
+The patient closed his eyes wearily.
+
+It was evident that he was growing weaker, and just as the doctor
+returned, he again lapsed into unconsciousness. The doctor felt of
+Bascom's pulse, and sent Maxwell hastily for Doctor Field for
+consultation. For fifteen minutes the doctors were alone in Bascom's
+room, and then Doctor Field called Maxwell in and quietly informed him
+that the warden had lost so much blood from the wound in the wrist
+that there was danger of immediate collapse unless they resorted to
+extreme measures, and bled some one to supply the patient. To this
+Maxwell instantly replied:
+
+"I am strong and well. There is no reason why you should hesitate for
+a moment. Send for your instruments at once; but my wife must know
+nothing of it until it is all over with. Tell Mrs. Burke to take her
+over to Thunder Cliff for an hour or two, on the pretext of getting
+some bedding. Yes, I insist on having my own way, and as you say,
+there is no time to be lost."
+
+Doctor Field took Mrs. Burke aside, and the women immediately departed
+for Thunder Cliff. The necessary instruments were brought, and then
+the three men entered the sick room.
+
+In about twenty minutes Maxwell came out of the invalid's room,
+assisted by Doctor Field, and stretched himself on the bed.
+
+Bascom's color began slowly to return; his pulse quickened, and Dr.
+Field remarked to his colleague:
+
+"Well, I think the old chap is going to pull through after all; but it
+was a mighty close squeak."
+
+Meanwhile, the messenger who had been sent out to Willow Bluff to
+apprise Virginia of her father's accident returned with the
+information that Virginia had left the day before, to stay with
+friends, and could not possibly get home till next day. It was decided
+to telegraph for her; and in the meantime the doctors advised that Mr.
+Bascom be left quietly in his bed at the new "rectory," and be moved
+home next day, after having recovered some of his lost strength. Mrs.
+Betty and Mrs. Burke took turns in watching by the invalid that night,
+and it might have been observed that his eyes remained closed, even
+when he did not sleep, while Mrs. Burke was in attendance, but that he
+watched Mrs. Betty with keen curiosity and wonder, from between
+half-closed lids, as she sat at the foot of his bed sewing, or moved
+about noiselessly preparing the nourishment prescribed for him by the
+doctors, and which the old gentleman took from her with unusual
+gentleness and patience.
+
+It was Mrs. Burke who, having learned of the time when Virginia was
+expected to return home, drove out to Willow Bluff with Mr. Bascom,
+and assisted in making him comfortable there before his daughter's
+arrival. He volunteered no word on their way thither, but lay back
+among his cushions and pillows with closed eyes, pale and
+exhausted--though the doctors assured the Maxwells that there was no
+cause for anxiety on the score of his removal, when they urged that he
+be left in their care until he had regained more strength.
+
+It was a white and scared Virginia who listened to Hepsey's account of
+all that had happened--an account which neither over-stated the
+Bascoms' debt to the Maxwells nor spared Virginia's guilty
+conscience.
+
+When she found that her father had been the guest of the Maxwells and
+that they had played the part of good Samaritans to him in the tent in
+which the Senior Warden had obliged them to take refuge, she was
+thoroughly mortified, and there was a struggle between false pride and
+proper gratitude.
+
+"It is very awkward, is it not, Mrs. Burke?" she said. "I ought
+certainly to call on Mrs. Maxwell and thank her--but--under the
+circumstances----"
+
+"What circumstances?" asked Hepsey.
+
+"Well, you know, it will be very embarrassing for me to go to Mr.
+Maxwell's tent after what has happened between him and--my father."
+
+"I'm not sure that I catch on, Virginia. Which happenin' do you mean?
+Your father's cold-blooded ejection of the Maxwells from their house,
+or Mr. Maxwell's warm-blooded sacrifice to save your father's life?
+Perhaps it _is_ a bit embarrassing, as you call it, to thank a man for
+givin' his blood to save your father."
+
+"It is a more personal matter than that," replied Virginia, gazing
+dramatically out of the window. "You don't quite seem to appreciate
+the delicacy of the situation, Mrs. Burke."
+
+"No, I'm blessed if I do. But then you know I'm very stupid about some
+things, Virginia. Fact is, I'm just stupid enough to imagine--no, I
+mean think--that it would be the most natural thing in the world to go
+straight to the Maxwells and thank 'em for all they've done for your
+father in takin' him in and givin' him the kind of care that money
+can't buy. There's special reasons that I needn't mention why you
+should say thank you, and say it right."
+
+Virginia examined the toe of her boot for some time in silence and
+then began:
+
+"But you don't understand the situation, Mrs. Burke."
+
+"Virginia, if you don't stop that kind of thing, I shall certainly
+send for the police. Are you _lookin'_ for a situation? If you have
+got anything to say, say it."
+
+"Well, to be quite frank with you, Mrs. Burke, I must confess that at
+one time Mr. Maxwell and I were supposed to be very good friends."
+
+"Naturally. You ought to be good friends with your rector. I don't see
+anything tragic about that."
+
+"But we were something more than friends."
+
+"Who told you? You can't believe all you hear in a town like this.
+Maybe some one was foolin' you."
+
+"I ought to know what I am talking about. He accepted our hospitality
+at Willow Bluff, and was so attentive that people began to make
+remarks."
+
+"Well, people have been makin' remarks ever since Eve told Adam to put
+his apron on for dinner. Any fool can make remarks, and the biggest
+fool is the one who cares. Are you sure that you didn't make any
+remarks yourself, Virginia?"
+
+Virginia instantly bridled, and looked the picture of injured
+innocence.
+
+"Certainly not!" she retorted. "Do you think that I would talk about
+such a delicate matter before others?"
+
+"Oh no; I suppose not. But you could look wise and foolish at the same
+time when Maxwell's name was mentioned, with a coy and kittenish air
+which would suggest more than ten volumes of Mary Jane Holmes."
+
+"You are not very sympathetic, Mrs. Burke, when I am in deep trouble.
+I want your help, not ridicule and abuse."
+
+"Well, I am sorry for you, Virginia, in more ways than one. But really
+I'd like to know what reason you have to think that Donald Maxwell was
+ever in love with you; I suppose that's what you mean."
+
+Virginia blushed deeply, as became a gentle maiden of her tender
+years, and replied:
+
+"Oh, it is not a question of things which one can easily define. Love
+is vocal without words, you know."
+
+"Hm! You don't mean that he made love to you and proposed to you
+through a phonograph? You know I had some sort of idea that love that
+was all wool, and a yard wide, and meant business, usually got vocal
+at times."
+
+"But Mr. Maxwell and I were thrown together in such an intimate way in
+parish work, you know."
+
+"Which did the throwing?"
+
+"You don't for one moment suppose that I would intrude myself, or
+press myself on his attention, do you?"
+
+"Oh my gracious, no! He is not the kind of a man to be easily
+impressed. He may have seen a girl or two before he met you; of course
+I mean just incidentally, as it were. Now, Virginia Bascom, allow me
+to ask you one or two plain questions. Did he ever ask you to marry
+him?"
+
+"No, not in so many words."
+
+"Did he ever give you any plain indication that he wanted to marry
+you? Did he ever play the mandolin under your window at midnight? Did
+he ever steal one of your gloves, or beg for a rose out of your
+bouquet, or turn the gas out when he called?"
+
+"No, but one night he sat on the sofa with me and told me that I was a
+great assistance to him in his parish work, and that he felt greatly
+indebted to me."
+
+"Hm! That's certainly rather pronounced, isn't it? Did you call your
+father, or rise hastily and leave the room, or what did you do?"
+
+"Well, of course it was not a proposal, but the way he did it was very
+suggestive, and calculated to give a wrong impression, especially as
+he had his arm on the back of the sofa behind me."
+
+"Maybe he was makin' love to the sofa. Didn't you know that Donald
+Maxwell was engaged to be married before he ever set foot in
+Durford?"
+
+"Good gracious, no! What are you talking about?"
+
+"Well, he certainly was, for keeps."
+
+"Then he had no business to pose as a free man, if he were engaged. It
+is dreadful to have to lose faith in one's rector. It is next to
+losing faith in--in----"
+
+"The milk-man. Yes, I quite agree with you. But you see I don't recall
+that Donald Maxwell did any posing. He simply kept quiet about his own
+affairs--though I do think that it would have been better to let
+people know that he was engaged, from the start. However, he may have
+concluded his private affairs were his own business. I know that's
+very stupid; but some people will persist in doin' it, in spite of all
+you can say to 'em. Perhaps it never occurred to him that he would be
+expected to marry anyone living in a little sawed-off settlement like
+this."
+
+"There's no use in abusing your native village; and"--her voice
+quavered on the verge of tears--"I think you are very unsympathetic."
+She buried her nose in her handkerchief.
+
+Mrs. Burke gazed sternly at Virginia for a full minute and then
+inquired:
+
+"Well, do you want to know why? You started with just foolishness, but
+you've ended up with meanness, Virginia Bascom. You've taken your
+revenge on people who've done you nothin' but kindness. I know pretty
+well who it was that suggested to your father that the mortgage on the
+rectory should be foreclosed, and the Maxwells turned out of house and
+home. He's always been close-fisted, but I've never known him to be
+dead ugly and vindictive before.
+
+"Yes. You were behind all this wretched business--and you're sorry for
+it, and wish you could undo the unkindness you've done. Now I am goin'
+to talk business--better than talkin' sympathy, because it'll make you
+feel better when you've done what I tell you. You go and call on Mrs.
+Betty immediately, and tell her that you are very grateful to her
+husband for saving your father's life, and that money couldn't
+possibly pay for the things she and Mr. Maxwell did for him, and that
+you're everlastingly indebted to 'em both."
+
+"But--but," wailed the repentant Virginia, "what can I say about the
+tent? Pa won't go back on that--not if his life had been saved twice
+over."
+
+"Never you mind about that. You do your part of the business, and
+leave the rest to the other feller. You can bet your bottom dollar it
+won't be the Maxwells that'll raise the question of who turned 'em out
+of the rectory."
+
+"I'll go right away, before I weaken. Oh," she cried, as Hepsey put a
+strengthening arm about her, "I've been wrong--I know I have. However
+shall I make it right again?"
+
+When Virginia arrived at the tent and pulled the bell-cord, Mrs. Betty
+pushed apart the curtains and greeted her visitor with the utmost
+cordiality.
+
+"Oh, Miss Bascom! I am _so_ glad to see you. Come right in. Donald is
+out just now; but he will return presently, and I'm sure will be
+delighted to see an old friend. This way, please. Is your father
+improving satisfactorily?"
+
+This greeting was so utterly different from what she had expected,
+that for the moment she was silent; but when they were seated she
+began:
+
+"Mrs. Maxwell, I don't know how to express my gratitude to you for all
+you have done for my father. I--I----"
+
+"Then I wouldn't try, Miss Bascom. Don't give the matter a single
+thought. We were glad to do what we could for your father, and we made
+him as comfortable as we could."
+
+Virginia's heart was quite atrophied, and so with choking voice she
+began:
+
+"And I'm afraid that I have not been very civil to you--in fact, I am
+sure that I owe you an apology----"
+
+"No, never mind. It's all right now. Suppose you take off your things
+and stay to supper with us. Then we can have a real good visit, and
+you will see how well we dwellers in tents can live!"
+
+Virginia winced; but for some reason which she could not understand
+she found it quite impossible to decline the invitation.
+
+"I'm sure you are very kind, Mrs. Maxwell; but I'm afraid I shall
+inconvenience you."
+
+"Oh no, not a bit. Now will you be a real good Samaritan and help me a
+little, as I have no maid? You might set the table if you don't mind,
+and when Donald comes we shall be ready for him. This is really quite
+jolly," she added, bustling about, showing Virginia where to find
+things.
+
+"I am afraid," Virginia began with something like a sob in her voice,
+"that you are heaping coals of fire on my head."
+
+"Oh no; not when coal is over seven dollars a ton. We couldn't afford
+such extravagant hospitality as that. You might arrange those
+carnations in the vase if you will, while I attend to the cooking. You
+will find the china, and the silver, in that chest. I won't apologize
+for the primitive character of our entertainment because you see when
+we came down here we stored most of our things in Mrs. Burke's barn.
+It is awfully nice to have somebody with me; I am so much alone; you
+came just in time to save me from the blues."
+
+When Mrs. Betty disappeared in the "kitchen," and Virginia began the
+task assigned her, a very queer and not altogether pleasant sensation
+filled her heart. Was it remorse, or penitence, or self-reproach, or
+indigestion? She could not be absolutely sure about it, but concluded
+that perhaps it was a combination of all four. When Donald returned,
+and discovered Virginia trying to decide whether they would need two
+spoons or three at each plate, for an instant he was too astonished to
+speak; but quickly regaining his easy manner, he welcomed her no less
+cordially than Mrs. Betty had done, remarking:
+
+"Well, this is a treat; and so you are going to have supper with us?
+That will be a great pleasure."
+
+Virginia almost collapsed in momentary embarrassment, and could think
+of nothing better than to ask:
+
+"I am not sure what Mrs. Maxwell is going to have for supper, and I
+really don't know whether to place two spoons or three. What would you
+advise, Mr. Maxwell?"
+
+Maxwell scowled seriously, rubbed his chin and replied:
+
+"Well, you know, I really can't say; but perhaps it would be on the
+safe side to have three spoons in case any emergency might arise,
+like a custard, or jelly and whipped cream, or something else which
+Betty likes to make as a surprise. Yes, on the whole, I think that
+three would be better than two."
+
+When Virginia had placed the spoons, and Maxwell had returned to
+assist her, she hesitated a moment and looked at him with tears in her
+eyes and began:
+
+"Mr. Maxwell, there is something I must say to you, an acknowledgment
+and an apology I must make. I have been so horribly----"
+
+"Now see here, Miss Virginia," the rector replied, "you just forget
+it. We are awfully glad to have you here, and we are going to have a
+right jolly supper together. Betty's muffins are simply fine, and her
+creamed chicken is a dream. Besides, I want to consult you concerning
+the new wardrobe I am going to have built in the vestry. You see there
+is the question of the drawers, and the shelves, and----"
+
+"Never mind the drawers and the shelves," Mrs. Betty remarked as she
+entered with the creamed chicken and the muffins. "You just sit down
+before these things get cold, and you can talk business afterwards."
+
+To her utter astonishment Virginia soon found herself eating heartily,
+utterly at her ease in the cordial, friendly atmosphere of tent-life,
+and when Maxwell took her home later in the evening, she hadn't
+apologized or wallowed in an agony of self-reproach. She had only
+demanded the recipe for the muffins, and had declared that she was
+coming again very soon if Mrs. Betty would only let her.
+
+And last but not least--the rector's polite attention in acting as her
+escort home failed to work upon her dramatic temperament with any more
+startling effect than to produce a feeling that he was a very good
+friend.
+
+In fact, she wondered, as she conned over the events of the evening,
+whether she had realized before, all that the word _Friendship_
+signified.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XXII
+
+HEPSEY'S DIPLOMACY
+
+
+"I don't rightly know what's got into Virginia Bascom," remarked
+Jonathan, as he sat on Hepsey's side porch one evening, making polite
+conversation as his new habit was. "She's buzzin' round Mrs. Betty
+like a bee round a flower--thicker'n thieves they be, by gum."
+
+"Yes," cogitated Hepsey, half to herself, and half in response, "the
+lamb's lyin' down all right, and it's about time we'd got the lion
+curled up by her and purrin' like a cat. But I don't see the signs of
+it, and I'll have to take my knittin' to-morrow and sit right down in
+his den and visit with him a little. If he won't purr, I've got
+what'll make him roar, good and proper, or I've missed my guess."
+
+"Now Hepsey, you go easy with my church-partner, the Senior Warden.
+When his wife lived, he was a decent sort of a feller, was Sylvester
+Bascom; and I reckon she got him comin' her way more with molasses
+than with vinegar."
+
+And though Hepsey snorted contempt for the advice of a mere male, she
+found the thought top-side of her mind as she started out next morning
+to pay Bascom a momentous call. After all, Jonathan had but echoed her
+own consistent philosophy of life. But with her usual shrewdness she
+decided to go armed with both kinds of ammunition.
+
+Mrs. Burke puffed somewhat loudly as she paused on the landing which
+led to the door of Bascom's office. After wiping her forehead with her
+handkerchief she gave three loud knocks on the painted glass of the
+door, which shook some of the loose putty onto the floor. After
+knocking the third time some one called out "Come in," and she opened
+the door, entered, and gazed calmly across the room. Bascom was seated
+at his desk talking to a farmer, and when he turned around and
+discovered who his visitor was, he ejaculated irreverently:
+
+"Good Lord deliver us!"
+
+"Oh, do excuse me!" Mrs. Burke replied. "I didn't know that you were
+sayin' the Litany. I'll just slip into the next room and wait till you
+get through."
+
+Whereupon she stepped into the next room, closed the door, and made
+herself comfortable in a large arm-chair. There was a long table in
+the middle of the room, and the walls were covered with shelves and
+yellow books of a most monotonous binding. The air was musty and
+close. She quietly opened one of the windows, and having resumed her
+seat, she pulled a wash-rag from her leather bag and began knitting
+calmly.
+
+She waited for some time, occasionally glancing at the long table,
+which was covered with what appeared to be a hopeless confusion of
+letters, legal documents, and books opened and turned face downward.
+Occasionally she sniffed in disgust at the general untidiness of the
+place. Evidently the appearance of the table in front of her was
+getting on her nerves; and so she put her knitting away as she
+muttered to herself:
+
+"I wonder Virginia don't come up here once in a while and put things
+to rights. It's simply awful!" Then she began sorting the papers and
+gathering them into little uniform piles by themselves. She seemed to
+have no notion whatever of their possible relation to each other, but
+arranged them according to their size and color in nice little
+separate piles. When there was nothing else left for her to do she
+resumed her knitting and waited patiently for the departure of the
+farmer. The two men seemed to be having a rather warm dispute over the
+interpretation of some legal contract; and if Bascom was hot-tempered
+and emphatic in his language, bordering on the profane, the client was
+stubborn and dull-witted and hard to convince. Occasionally she
+overheard bits of the controversy which were not intended for her
+ears. Bascom insisted:
+
+"But you're not such a dum fool as to think that a contract legally
+made between two parties is not binding, are you? You admit that I
+have fulfilled my part, and now you must pay for the services rendered
+or else I shall bring suit against you."
+
+The reply to this was not audible, but the farmer did not seem to be
+quite convinced.
+
+After what seemed to her an interminable interval the door banged, and
+she knew that Bascom was alone. She did not wait for any invitation,
+but rising quietly she went into the inner office and took the chair
+vacated by the farmer. Bascom made a pretense of writing, in silence,
+with his back towards her, during which interval Hepsey waited
+patiently. Then, looking up with the expression of a deaf-mute, he
+asked colorlessly:
+
+"Well, Mrs. Burke, what may I do for you?"
+
+"You can do nothing for me--but you can and must do something for the
+Maxwells," she replied firmly but quietly.
+
+"Don't you think it would be better to let Maxwell take care of his
+own affairs?"
+
+"Yes, most certainly, if he were in a position to do so. But you know
+that the clergy are a long-sufferin' lot, more's the pity; they'll
+endure almost anythin' rather than complain. That's why you and others
+take advantage of them."
+
+"Ah, but an earnest minister of the Gospel does not look for the
+loaves and fishes of his calling."
+
+"I shouldn't think he would. I hate fish, myself; but Maxwell has a
+perfect right to look for the honest fulfillment of a contract made
+between you and him. Didn't I hear you tell that farmer that he was a
+dum fool if he thought that a contract made between two parties is not
+legally binding, and that if you fulfilled your part he must pay for
+your services or you would sue him? Do you suppose that a contract
+with a carpenter or a plumber or a mason is binding, while a contract
+with a clergyman is not? What is the matter with you, anyway?"
+
+Bascom made no reply, but turned his back towards Hepsey and started
+to write. She resumed:
+
+"Donald Maxwell's salary is goin' to be paid him in full within the
+next two weeks or----"
+
+Mrs. Burke came to a sudden silence, and after a moment or two Bascom
+turned around and inquired sarcastically:
+
+"Or what?"
+
+Hepsey continued to knit in silence for a while, her face working in
+her effort to gain control of herself and speak calmly.
+
+"Now see here, Sylvester Bascom: I didn't come here to have a scene
+with you, and if I knit like I was fussed, you must excuse me."
+
+Her needles had been flashing lightning, and truth to tell, Bascom,
+for all he dreaded Hepsey's sharp tongue as nothing else in Durford,
+had been unable to keep his eyes off those angry bits of sparkling
+steel. Suddenly they stopped--dead. The knitting fell into Hepsey's
+lap, and she sat forward--a pair of kindly, moist eyes searching the
+depths of Bascom's, as he looked up at her. Her voice dropped to a
+lower tone as she continued:
+
+"There's been just one person, and one person only, that's ever been
+able to keep the best of you on top--and she was my best friend, your
+wife. She kept you human, and turned even the worst side of you to
+some account. If you did scrape and grub, 'most night and day, to make
+your pile, and was hard on those that crossed your path while doin' of
+it, it was she that showed you there was pleasure in usin' it for
+others as well as for yourself, and while she lived you did it. But
+since she's been gone,"--the old man tried to keep his face firm and
+his glance steady, but in vain--he winced,--"since she's been gone,
+the human in you's dried up like a sun-baked apple. And it's you,
+Sylvester Bascom, that's been made the most miserable, 'spite of all
+the little carks you've put on many another."
+
+His face hardened again, and Hepsey paused.
+
+"What has all this to do with Mr. Maxwell, may I ask?"
+
+"I'm comin' to that," continued Hepsey, patiently. "If Mary Bascom
+were alive to-day, would the rector of Durford be livin' in a tent
+instead of in the rectory--the house she thought she had given over,
+without mortgage or anything else, to the church? And would you be
+holdin' back your subscription to the church, and seein' that others
+held back too? I never thought you'd have done, when she was dead,
+what'd have broken her heart if she'd been livin'. The church was her
+one great interest in life, after her husband and her daughter; and it
+was _her_ good work that brought the parish to make you Senior Warden.
+After you'd made money and moved to your new house, just before she
+died, she gave the old house, that was hers from her father, to the
+church, and you were to make the legal transfer of it. Then she died
+suddenly, and you delayed and delayed--claiming the house as yours,
+and at last sold it to us subject to the mortgage."
+
+The old man stirred uneasily in his chair.
+
+"This is all quite beside the mark. What might have been proper to do
+in my wife's life-time became a different matter altogether after her
+death. I had my daughter's welfare to think of; besides----"
+
+"I'm not talkin' about your legal right. But you know that if you'd
+wanted to have it, you could have got your interest on the mortgage
+quick enough. If you hadn't held back on his salary, others wouldn't
+have; or if they had, you could have got after 'em. What's the use of
+tryin' to mix each other up? You couldn't keep Maxwell in your pocket,
+and because he didn't come to you every day for orders you reckoned to
+turn him out of the parish. You've not one thing against him, and you
+know it, Sylvester Bascom. He's shown you every kind of respect as
+his Senior Warden, and more patience than you deserved. He let himself
+be--no, _had_ himself--bled, to save your life. But instead of making
+him the best young friend you could have had, and makin' yourself of
+real use to your town and your neighbors through him and his work,
+you've let the devil get into you; and when your accident come, you'd
+got to where you were runnin' that fast down a steep place into the
+sea that I could 'most hear the splash."
+
+She cocked her head on one side, and smiled at him whimsically, hoping
+for some response to her humorous picture. A faint ghost of a
+smile--was it, or was it not?--flickered on the old man's lips; but he
+gave no sign of grace.
+
+Hepsey sighed, and paused for an instant. "Well--we can't sit here
+talkin' till midnight, or I shall be compromisin' your reputation, I
+suppose. There'll be a meeting of the parishioners called at the end
+of this week, and the rector won't be present at it; so, Warden, I
+suppose you'll preside. I hope you will. I've got to do my part--and
+that is to see that the parish understands just how their rector's
+placed, right now, both about his house and his salary. He's workin'
+as a laborer to get enough for him and that little wife of his to live
+on, and the town knows it--but they don't all know that it's because
+the salary that's properly his is bein' held back on him, and by
+those that pay their chauffeurs more than the rector gets, by a good
+piece. I shall call on every one at that meetin' to pay up; and I
+shall begin with the poorest, and end up"--she fixed Bascom's eye,
+significantly--"with the richest. And if it seems to be my duty to do
+it, I may have somethin' more to say when the subscription's
+closed--but I don't believe--no," she added, opening her bag and
+rummaging about among its contents till she hit upon a letter and
+brought it forth, "no, I don't believe I'll have to say a thing. I've
+got a hunch, Sylvester Bascom, that it'll be you that'll have the last
+word, after all."
+
+[Illustration: "I'VE GOT A HUNCH, SYLVESTER BASCOM, THAT IT'LL BE YOU
+THAT'LL HAVE THE LAST WORD, AFTER ALL"]
+
+The old man's glance was riveted upon the familiar handwriting of the
+faded letter, and without a word Hepsey started to read it, date and
+all, in a clear voice:
+
+                  *       *       *       *       *
+
+                                            WILLOW BLUFF, DURFORD.
+                                                 September ----, 19--.
+
+HEPSEY DEAR:
+
+I suppose you will never forgive me for making the move from the old
+house to Willow Bluff, as it's to be called, while you were not home
+to help me. But they got finished sooner than we thought for, and
+Sylvester was as eager as a child with a new toy to get moved in. So
+here we are, and the first letter I write from our new home is to you,
+who helped more than anyone to make the old home happy for me and
+mine--bless them and bless you!
+
+Everything is out of the old house--"The Rectory" as I shall call it,
+now--except such pieces of furniture as we did not want to take away,
+and we thought might be welcome to the parson (or parsons, I suppose)
+who may occupy it. Sister Susan thought it slighting to Pa's
+generosity to give the house to the church; but I don't look at it
+like that. Anyway, it's done now--and I'm very happy to think that the
+flock can offer a proper home to its shepherd, as long as the old
+place stands.
+
+If you get back Thursday I shall just be ready for you to help me with
+the shades and curtains, if you care to.
+
+                                              Your friend,
+                                               MARION ANDERSON BASCOM.
+
+P. S. Ginty sends her love to Aunt Hepsey, and says, "to come to
+Boston quick!" She's a little confused, someway, and can't get it out
+of her head that we're not back home in Boston, since we left the old
+place. I hope you are having a nice visit with Sally.
+
+                  *       *       *       *       *
+
+As Hepsey read, Sylvester Bascom turned, slowly, away from her, his
+head on his hand, gazing out of the window. When she had finished
+reading, the letter was folded up and replaced in the bag along with
+her knitting. Then, laying her hand with a gentle, firm pressure on
+the old man's shoulder, Mrs. Burke departed.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XXIII
+
+HEPSEY CALLS A MEETING
+
+
+For the next few days Hepsey's mind worked in unfamiliar channels, for
+her nature was that of a benevolent autocrat, and she had found
+herself led by circumstances into a situation demanding the prowess
+and elasticity of the diplomat. To begin with, she must risk a gamble
+at the meeting: if the spiritual yeast did not rise in old Bascom, as
+she hoped it would, and crown her strategy with success, she would
+have to fall back on belligerent tactics, and see if it were not
+possible to get his duty out of him by threatened force of public
+opinion: and she knew that, with his obstinacy, it would be touch and
+go on which side of the fence he would fall in a situation of that
+kind--dependent, in fact, upon the half turn of a screw, more or less,
+for the result. Furthermore, she concluded that beyond the vaguest
+hint of her call on Bascom and the object of the meeting, she could
+not show her hand to Maxwell; for he would feel it his duty to step in
+and prevent the possibility of any such open breach as failure on
+Hepsey's part would probably make in the parish solidarity. For once
+she must keep her own counsel--except for Jonathan, whose present
+infatuated condition made him an even safer and more satisfactory
+source of "advice" than he normally was. But the evening before the
+meeting, as he sat on Hepsey's porch, he began to experience qualms,
+perhaps in his capacity as Junior Warden. But Hepsey turned upon him
+relentlessly:
+
+"Now see here! You know I don't start somethin' unless I can see it
+through; and if it means a scrap, so much the better. Next to a good
+revival, a good hard scrap in a stupid parish has a real spiritual
+value. It stimulates the circulation, increases the appetite, gives
+people somethin' to think about, and does a lot of good where peaceful
+ways would fail. The trouble with us is that we've always been a
+sight too peaceful. If I've got to do it, I'm goin' to make a row, a
+real jolly row that'll make some people wish they'd never been born.
+No-no-no! Don't you try to interfere. We've come to a crisis, and I'm
+goin' to meet it. Don't you worry until I begin to holler for first
+aid to the injured. A woman can't vote for a vestryman, though women
+form the bulk of the congregation, and do most all of the parish work;
+and the whole church'd go to smithereens if it weren't for the women.
+But there's one thing a woman can always do: _She can talk_. They say
+that talk is cheap; but sometimes it's a mighty expensive article, if
+it's the right kind; and maybe the men will have to settle the bills.
+I'm going to _talk_; perhaps you think that's nothing new. But you
+don't know how I can talk when once I get my dander up. Somebody's
+goin' to sit up and pay attention this time. Bascom'll conclude to
+preside at the meetin'; whichever way he means to act; and I've fixed
+it so Maxwell will be engaged on other duties. No; go 'way. I don't
+want to see you around here again until the whole thing's over."
+
+"All right Hepsey, all right. I guess if it goes through the way you
+want you'll be that set up you'll be wantin' to marry old Bascom
+'stead of me," chuckled Jonathan, as the lady of his choice turned to
+enter the house.
+
+She faced round upon him as she reached the door, her features set
+with grim determination:
+
+"If I get the whole caboodle, bag and baggage, from the meetin' and
+from Bascom, there's no knowin' but what I'll send for the parson and
+be married right there and then. There isn't a thing I could think of,
+in the line of a real expensive sacrifice, that'd measure up as
+compensation for winnin' out--not even marryin' you, Jonathan
+Jackson."
+
+So Hepsey laid down lines for control of the meeting, ready with a
+different variety of expedients, from point to point in its progress,
+as Sylvester Bascom's attitude at the time might necessitate. For she
+felt very little anxiety as to her ability to carry the main body of
+the audience along with her.
+
+The night of the meeting the Sunday School Room, adjacent to the
+church, was filled full to a seat at least a quarter of an hour before
+the time announced for the meeting. Hepsey had provided herself with a
+chair in the center of the front row, directly facing the low platform
+to be occupied by the chairman. Her leather bag hung formidably on one
+arm, and a long narrow blank book was laid on her lap. She took little
+notice of her surroundings, and her anxiety was imperceptible, as she
+thrummed with a pencil upon the book, glancing now and then at the
+side door, watching for Bascom's entrance. The meeting buzzed light
+conversation, as a preliminary. Had she miscalculated on the very
+first move? Was he going to treat the whole affair with lofty disdain?
+As the hour struck, dead silence reigned in the room, expectant; and
+Jonathan, who sat next her, fidgeted nervously.
+
+"Five minutes' grace, and that's all; if he's not here by then, it'll
+be up to you to call the meetin' to order," whispered Hepsey.
+
+"Sakes!" hissed the terrified Junior Warden, "you didn't say nothin'
+about that, Hepsey," he protested.
+
+She leveled a withering glance at him, and was about to reduce him to
+utter impotence by some scathing remark, when both were startled by a
+voice in front of them, issuing from "the chair." Silently the Senior
+Warden had entered, and had proceeded to open the meeting. His face
+was set and stern, and his voice hard and toneless. No help from that
+quarter, Hepsey mentally recorded.
+
+"As the rector of this parish is not able to be present I have been
+asked to preside at this meeting. I believe that it was
+instigated--that is suggested, by some of the ladies who believe that
+there are some matters of importance which need immediate attention,
+and must be presented to the congregation without delay. I must beg to
+remind these ladies that the Wardens and Vestrymen are the business
+officers of the church; and it seems to my poor judgment that if any
+business is to be transacted, the proper way would be for the Vestry
+to take care of it. However, I have complied with the request and have
+undertaken to preside, in the absence of the rector. The meeting is
+now open for business."
+
+Bascom sat down and gazed at the audience, but with a stare so
+expressionless as gave no further index to his mood. For some time
+there was a rather painful silence; but at last Hepsey Burke arose and
+faced about to command the audience.
+
+"Brethren and sisters," she began, "a few of us women have made up our
+minds that it's high time that somethin' was done towards payin' our
+rector what we owe him, and that we furnish him with a proper house to
+live in."
+
+At this point, a faint murmur of applause interrupted the speaker, who
+replied: "There. There. Don't be too quick. You won't feel a bit like
+applaudin' when I get through. It's a burnin' shame and disgrace that
+we owe Mr. Maxwell about two hundred dollars, which means a mighty lot
+to him, because if he was paid in full every month he would get just
+about enough to keep his wife and himself from starvin' to death. I
+wasn't asked to call this meetin'; I asked the rector to, and I asked
+the Senior Warden to preside. And I told the rector that some of
+us--both men and women--had business to talk about that wasn't for his
+ears. For all he knows, we're here to pass a vote of censure on him.
+The fact is that we have reached the point where somethin' has got to
+be done right off quick; and if none of the Vestrymen do it, then a
+poor shrinkin' little woman like myself has got to rise and mount the
+band wagon. I'm no woman's rights woman, but I have a conscience
+that'll keep me awake nights until I have freed my mind."
+
+Here Hepsey paused, and twirling her pencil between her lips, gazed
+around at her auditors who were listening with breathless attention.
+Then she suddenly exclaimed with suppressed wrath, and in her
+penetrating tones:
+
+"What is the matter with you men, anyway? You'd have to pay your
+butcher, or your baker, or your grocer, whether you wanted to or not.
+Then why in the name of conscience don't you pay your parson?
+Certainly religion that don't cost nothin' is worse than nothin'. I'll
+tell you the reason why you don't support your parson: It's just
+because your rector's a gentleman, and can't very well kick over the
+traces, or balk, or sue you, even if you do starve him. So you,
+prosperous, big-headed men think that you can sneak out of it. Oh, you
+needn't shuffle and look mad; you're goin' to get the truth for once,
+and I had Johnny Mullins lock the front door before I began."
+
+The whole audience responded to this sally with a laugh, but the
+speaker relented not one iota. "Then when you've smit your rector on
+one cheek you quote the Bible to make him think he ought to turn his
+overcoat also." Another roar. "There: you don't need to think I'm
+havin' a game. I'm not through yet. Now let's get right down to
+business. We owe our rector a lot of money, and he is livin' in a tent
+because we neglected to pay the interest on the rectory mortgage held
+by the Senior Warden of our church. Talkin' plain business, and
+nothin' else, turned him out of house and home, and we broke our
+business contract with him. Yes we did! And now you know it.
+
+"Some of us have been sayin'--and I was one of 'em till Mr. Maxwell
+corrected me--that it was mean of Mr. Bascom to turn the rector and
+his wife out of their house. But business is business, and until we've
+paid the last cent of our contributions, we haven't any right to
+throw stones at anyone. Wait till we've done our part, for that! We've
+been the laughing stock of the whole town because of our pesky
+meanness. That tent of ours has stuck out on the landscape like a
+horse fly on a pillow sham.
+
+"It's not my business to tell how the rector and his wife have had to
+economize and suffer, to get along at all; or how nice and
+uncomplainin' they've been through it all. They wouldn't want me to
+say anythin' of that; sportsmen they are, both of 'em. The price of
+food's gone up, and the rector's salary gone down like a teeter on a
+log.
+
+"Now, as I remarked before, let's get right down to business. The only
+way to raise that money is to raise it! There's no use larkin' all
+'round Robin Hood's barn, or scampering round the mulberry bush any
+longer. I don't care for fairs myself, where you have to go and buy
+somethin' you don't want, for five times what it's worth, and call it
+givin' to the Lord. And I don't care to give a chicken, and then have
+to pay for eatin' the same old bird afterwards. I won't eat soda
+biscuit unless I know who made 'em. Church fairs are an invention of
+the devil to make people think they're religious, when they are only
+mighty restless and selfish.
+
+"The only thing to do is to put your hands in your trousers pockets
+and pay, cash down, just as you would in any business transaction. And
+by cash, I don't mean five cents in the plate Sunday, and a dollar for
+a show on Tuesday. We've none of us any business to pretend to give to
+the Lord what doesn't cost a red cent, as the Bible says, somewheres.
+Now don't get nervous. I'm going to start a subscription paper right
+here and now. It'll save lots of trouble, and you ought to jump at the
+chance. You'll be votin' me a plated ice-water pitcher before we get
+through, for bein' so good to you--just as a little souvenir of the
+evenin'."
+
+A disjointed murmur of disapproval rose from sundry parts of the room
+at this summary way of meeting the emergency. Nelson, who had tried in
+vain to catch the eye of the chair, rose at a venture and remarked
+truculently:
+
+"This is a most unusual proceeding, Mrs. Burke."
+
+The chair remained immobile--but Hepsey turned upon the foe like a
+flash of lightning.
+
+"Precisely, Mr. Nelson. And we are a most unusual parish. I don't
+claim to have any information gained by world-wide travel, but livin'
+my life as I've found it here, in ths town, I've got to say, that this
+is the first time I ever heard of a church turnin' its rector out of
+house and home, and refusin' to give him salary enough to buy food
+for his family. Maybe in the course of your professional travels this
+thing has got to be an everyday occurrence to you,--but there's some
+of us here, that 'aint got much interest in such goings-on, outside of
+Durford."
+
+"You have no authority to raise money for the church; I believe the
+Warden will concur in that opinion?" and he bowed towards Bascom.
+
+"That is a point for the meeting to decide," he replied judicially, as
+Hepsey turned towards him.
+
+"Seems to me," continued Mrs. Burke, facing the audience, "that
+authority won't fill the rector's purse so well as cash. It's awful
+curious how a church with six Vestrymen and two Wardens, all of them
+good business men--men that can squeeze money out of a monkey-wrench,
+and always get the best of the other fellow in a horse-trade, and
+smoke cigars enough to pay the rector's whole salary--get limp and
+faint and find it necessary to fall back on talkin' about 'authority'
+when any money is to be raised. What we want in the parish is not
+authority, but just everyday plain business hustle, the sort of hustle
+that wears trousers; and as we don't seem to get that, the next best
+kind is the sort that wears skirts. I'd always rather that men shall
+do the public work than women; but if men won't, women must. What we
+need right here in Durford is a few full grown men who aren't shirks
+or quitters, who can put up prayers with one hand while they put down
+the cash with the other; and I don't believe the Lord ever laid it up
+against any man who paid first, and prayed afterwards.
+
+"Now brethren, don't all speak at once. I'm goin' to start takin'
+subscriptions. Who's goin' to head the list?"
+
+A little withered old woman laboriously struggled to her feet, and in
+a high-pitched, quavering voice began:
+
+"I'd like to give suthin' towards the end in view. Our rector were
+powerful good to my Thomas when he had the brown kitties in his
+throat. He came to see him mos' every day and read to him, and said
+prayers with him, and brought him papers and jelly. He certainly were
+powerful good to my Thomas; and once when Thomas had a fever our
+rector said that he thought that a bath would do my Thomas a heap of
+good, and he guessed he'd give him one. So I got some water in a bowl
+and some soap, and our rector he just took off his coat, and his vest,
+and his collar, and his cuffs, and our rector he washed Thomas, and he
+washed him, and he wa----"
+
+"Well," Hepsey interrupted, to stay the flow of eloquence, "so you'd
+like to pay for his laundry now, would you Mrs. Sumner? Shall I put
+you down for two dollars? Good! Mrs. Sumner sets the ball rollin' with
+two dollars. Who'll be the next?"
+
+As there was no response, Mrs. Burke glanced critically over the
+assembly until she had picked her man, and then announced:
+
+"Hiram Mason, I'm sure you must be on the anxious bench?"
+
+Hiram colored painfully as he replied:
+
+"I don't know as I am prepared to say what I can give, just at
+present, Mrs. Burke."
+
+"Well now let's think about it a little. Last night's _Daily Bugle_
+had your name in a list of those that gave ten dollars apiece at St.
+Bridget's fair. I suppose the Irish trade's valuable to a grocer like
+yourself; but you surely can't do less for your own church? I'll put
+you down for ten, though of course you can double it if you like."
+
+"No," said Hiram, meditatively; "I guess ten'll do."
+
+"Hiram Mason gives ten dollars. The Lord loveth a cheerful giver.
+Thanks, Hiram."
+
+Again there was a pause; and as no one volunteered, Hepsey continued:
+
+"Sylvester Perkins, how much will you give?"
+
+"I suppose I'll give five dollars," Sylvester responded, before Mrs.
+Burke could have a chance to put him down for a larger sum. "But I
+don't like this way of doin' things a little bit. It's not a woman's
+place to hold up a man and rob him in public meetin'."
+
+"No, a woman usually goes through her husband's pockets when he's
+asleep, I suppose. But you see I'm not your wife. Thanks, Mr. Perkins:
+Mr. Perkins, _five_ dollars," she repeated as she entered his
+subscription in the book. "Next?" she called briskly.
+
+"Mrs. Burke, I'll give twenty dollars, if you think that's enough,"
+called a voice from the back timidly.
+
+Everyone turned to the speaker in some surprise. He was a delicate,
+slender fellow, evidently in bad health. He trembled nervously, and
+Mrs. Burke hesitated for an instant, between fear of hurting his
+feelings and letting him give more than she knew he could possibly
+afford.
+
+"I am afraid you ought not to give so much, Amos. Let me put you down
+for five," she said kindly. "We mustn't rob Peter to pay Paul."
+
+"No, ma'am, put me down for twenty," he persisted; and then burst
+forth--"and I wish it was twenty thousand. I'd do anything for Mr.
+Maxwell; I owe it to him, I tell you."
+
+The speaker hesitated a moment and wiped his forehead with his
+handkerchief, and then continued slowly, and with obvious effort:
+
+"Maybe you'll think I am a fool to give myself away before a crowd
+like this, and I a member of the church; but the simple fact is that
+Mr. Maxwell saved my life once, when I was pretty near all in."
+
+Again the speaker stopped, breathing heavily, and there was absolute
+silence in the room. Regaining his courage, he continued: "Yes, he
+saved me, body and soul, and I guess I'll tell the whole story. Most
+of you would have kicked me into the street or lodged me in jail; but
+he wasn't that kind, thank God!
+
+"I was clerking in the Post Office a while back, and I left town one
+night, suddenly. I'd been drinking some, and when I left, my accounts
+were two hundred dollars short. The thing was kept quiet. Only two men
+knew about it. Mr. Maxwell was one. He got the other man to keep his
+mouth shut, handed over the amount, and chased after me and made me
+come back with him and stay at his house for a while. Then he gave me
+some work and helped me to make a new start. He didn't say a word of
+reproach, nor he didn't talk religion to me. He just acted as if he
+cared a whole lot for me, and wanted to put me on my feet again.
+
+"I didn't know for a long time where Mr. Maxwell got the money for me
+but after a while I discovered that he'd given a chattel mortgage on
+his books and personal belongings. Do you suppose that there's anybody
+else in the world would have done that for me? It wasn't only his
+giving me the money; it was finding that somebody trusted me and cared
+for me, who had no business to trust me, and couldn't afford to trust
+me. That's what saved me and kept me straight.
+
+"I haven't touched a drop since, and I never will. I've been paying my
+debt to him as quick as I can, and as far as money can pay it; but all
+the gold in the world wouldn't even me up with him. I don't know just
+why I've told all about it, but I guess it's because I felt you ought
+to know the kind of a man the rector is; and I'm glad he isn't here,
+or he'd never have let me give him away like this."
+
+Amos sat down, while the astonished gathering stared at him, the
+defaulter, who in a moment of gratitude had betrayed himself. The
+woman next to him edged a little farther away from him and watched him
+furtively, but he did not seem to care.
+
+Under the stimulus of this confession, the feelings of the people
+quickly responded to the occasion, and a line soon formed, without
+further need of wit or eloquence on Hepsey's part, to have their
+subscriptions recorded. In half an hour, Mrs. Burke, whose face was
+glowing with pleasure--albeit she glanced anxiously from time to time
+towards old Mr. Bascom, in an endeavor to size up his mood and force
+his intentions--had written down the name of the last volunteer. She
+turned towards her audience:
+
+"As I don't want to keep you waitin' here all night while I add up the
+subscriptions, I'll ask the chairman to do it for me and let you know
+the result. He's quicker at figurin' than I am, I guess," with which
+compliment, she smilingly handed the book to the Senior Warden. While
+the old man bent to his task, the room buzzed with low, excited
+conversation. Enough was already known of Bascom's hostility to the
+rector, to make the meeting decidedly curious as to his attitude
+towards Hepsey's remarks and the mortgage; and they knew him well
+enough to be aware that he would not allow that item in her speech to
+go unanswered, in some way or other.
+
+All eyes rested upon the gaunt figure of the chairman, as he rose to
+his feet to announce the total of the subscription list. He cleared
+his throat, and looked down at Hepsey Burke; and Jonathan, as he
+squinted anxiously at Hepsey by his side, noticed that she sat with
+her eyes tight-closed, oblivious of the chairman's glance. Jonathan
+looked hastily up at Bascom, and noticed him shift his position a
+little nervously, as he cleared his throat again.
+
+"The amount subscribed on this list, is two hundred and thirty-seven
+dollars and thirty-five cents," he said. The loud applause was
+instantaneous, and Jonathan turned quickly to Hepsey, as he stamped
+his feet and clapped his hands.
+
+"Thirty-seven thirty-five more than we owe him; Hepsey, you've done
+fine," he chortled.
+
+But Hepsey's look was now riveted on the chairman, and except for a
+half-absent smile of pleasure, the keenest anxiety showed in her
+expression.
+
+Bascom cleared his voice again, and then proceeded:
+
+"Mrs. Burke informed you that the rector's salary was in arrears to
+the extent of about two hundred dollars. It is now for this meeting to
+pass a formal resolution for the application of the amount subscribed
+to the object in view."
+
+Hepsey's lips narrowed; not a cent was down on the list to the name of
+the Senior Warden; the debt was being paid without assistance from
+him.
+
+"I presume I may put it to the meeting that the amount, when
+collected, be paid over to the rector by a committee formed for that
+purpose?" proceeded the chairman.
+
+This resolution being duly seconded and carried, Bascom continued:
+
+"Before we adjourn I request the opportunity to make a few remarks, in
+reply to Mrs. Burke's observations concerning the ejection of the
+rector from the house which he occupied. She was good enough to spare
+my feelings by pointing out that from a business or legal point of
+view it was not I who was responsible for that act, but the
+parishioners, who, having purchased the rectory subject to a mortgage,
+had failed to meet the interest upon it. That is what Mrs. Burke said:
+what she did not say, and what none of you have said in public, though
+I reckon you've said it among yourselves, I will take upon myself to
+say for her and you."
+
+He paused--and every eye was fixed upon him and every mouth agape in
+paralysed astonishment: and the said features of Hepsey Burke were no
+exception to the rule.
+
+"When," continued Bascom evenly and urbanely, "the word went round
+that the interest on the mortgage had got behind, and the money must
+be collected for it, those concerned no doubt remarked easily: 'Oh, I
+guess that'll be all right. Bascom won't worry about that; he don't
+need it; anyway he can pay it to himself, for the parish, if he
+does.'"
+
+There was an uncomfortable stirring of the audience at this shrewd
+thrust; but Hepsey could not contain herself, and laughed right out,
+clapping loudly.
+
+"And yet I don't mind saying that if I had thought of suggesting to
+anyone of you such a method of collecting interest due to you, you
+might have kicked some," he commented dryly.
+
+"At the next step, when I ultimately concluded to act upon my right to
+eject Mr. Maxwell from the rectory, I've no doubt that on all sides it
+was: 'Well, did you ever know the likes of that? Turning the rector
+out of house and home! Well he's a skinflint for fair!'"
+
+He paused and watched the effect. This time his hearers sat absolutely
+motionless.
+
+"And I agree with you," he added presently, in a quiet voice: "I _was_
+a skinflint for fair!"
+
+Almost Hepsey forgot herself so far as to clap thunderously: she
+caught her hands together just in time--recollecting that her
+demonstration would be taken too literally.
+
+"But I would not have you misunderstand me: though it was for me to
+call myself a skinflint for that act, it was not for you to do so. You
+did so on wrong grounds. Those who in making money have been less
+successful than others, find it convenient to leave all such
+obligations upon the shoulders of the richer man, and to say 'it's up
+to him; he can afford it.' Is it any wonder that it makes the rich man
+sour on subscriptions and philanthropies? He has as much, or more, of
+inducement to apply his earnings and savings to his own ends and
+pleasures; why then, is it not up to all, in their own proportions to
+meet social needs? A good many years of such meanness among his
+neighbors makes even a rich man sour and mean, I guess. And that's
+what it made me--and though that isn't a justification of my act, it
+gave me as much right to call you skinflints as for you to call me:
+all except one of you, Hepsey Burke."
+
+The meeting quivered with tense excitement. What did it all mean? If a
+chicken had sneezed the whole gathering would have been dissolved in
+hysterics, it was so keyed up with a sense of the impending disclosure
+of a deep mystery. As for Hepsey, she sat motionless, though Jonathan
+believed that he caught sight of a tear glistening in its descent.
+
+"Hepsey Burke had a right to call me a skinflint, because she knew
+what none of you knew; but because it was private knowledge she
+wouldn't make use of it against me--not unless she couldn't have done
+what was right any other way. And now I'm going to tell you what she
+knew:
+
+"The rectory was my wife's property, and she intended it as a gift to
+the parish, for the rectory of the church. I was preparing the deeds
+of transfer, when she died--suddenly, as some of you remember," his
+voice made heroic efforts to keep clear and steady, "owing to her
+death before the transfer, that house passed to our daughter; and what
+I intended to do was to buy it of her and present it to the parish. I
+delayed, at first for good reasons. And I suppose as I got more and
+more lonesome and mixed less and less with people, I got sourer--and
+then I delayed from meanness. It would have been easy enough for me to
+buy it of my daughter, and she'd have been willing enough; but as I
+saw more and more put upon me, and less and less human recognition--I
+was 'a rich man,' and needed no personal sympathy or encouragement, it
+seemed--I held back. And I got so mean, I couldn't make friends with
+the rector, even."
+
+He paused, and from the half smile on his face, and the hint of
+brightness that passed over his expression, the audience caught
+relief.
+
+"I guess a good shaking up is good for a man's liver: it cures a sour
+stomach--and as there are those that say the way to a man's heart is
+through his stomach, perhaps it cures a sour heart. I got my shaking
+up all right, as you know; and perhaps that's been working a cure on
+me. Or perhaps it was the quiet ministrations of that little Mrs.
+Betty of yours"--applause--"or the infusion of some of the rector's
+blood in my veins (he let himself be bled to keep me alive, after I'd
+lost what little blood I had, as you probably have never
+heard)"--shouts of applause--"or possibly what cured me was a little
+knitting-visit that Hepsey Burke paid me the other day, and during
+which she dropped some home-truths: I can't say.
+
+"Before I decided what I would do about the rectory, I wanted to see
+what you would do, under Mrs. Burke's guidance, this evening. You've
+shouldered your share, as far as the rector's salary is concerned.
+Well--I'll add what I consider my fair share to that, fifty dollars.
+The arrears due on the mortgage interest is one hundred and twenty
+dollars. I shall hold you to your side of that bargain, to date. If
+you pay the rector the two hundred dollars due him on his salary, you
+will need to subscribe about another forty to make up the interest:
+that done, and paid to me, I will do my part, and present the rectory
+to the parish, in memory of my dear wife, as she desired."
+
+He sat down.
+
+Hepsey rose and called out in a clear voice:
+
+"He's right; Mr. Bascom's dead right; it's up to us to be business
+first, and clear ourselves of the debt on a business bargain; then we
+can accept the gift without too much worryin'." And she sent a very
+friendly smile over to Bascom.
+
+Again there was some cheering, in the midst of which Jonathan Jackson
+jumped to his feet beside Hepsey; and facing the room, with his arm
+through hers, he shouted:
+
+"Hepsey Burke and me will make up the difference!"
+
+Another cheer went up, and Hepsey's face flamed scarlet amid the
+craning of necks and chaffing laughter--half puzzled, half
+understanding.
+
+Sylvester Bascom rose to his feet, and there was silence. With assumed
+seriousness he addressed Hepsey, still standing:
+
+"Mrs. Burke, so that it may be quite in order, do you endorse Mr.
+Jackson's authority to speak for you in this matter?"
+
+Every eye was turned upon them; but Hepsey could find not a word, so
+flabergasted was she by this sudden move of Jonathan's. Jonathan
+himself colored furiously, but stuck to his guns, and Hepsey's arm:
+
+"Well, to tell the truth," he replied in a jaunty voice, "Hepsey Burke
+and me's goin' to be married right now, so I guess we'll combine our
+resources, like."
+
+This announcement gave the coup de grace to any further attempt at
+orderliness, and the room became a seething chorus of congratulatory
+greetings aimed at Hepsey and Jonathan, in the midst of which
+Sylvester Bascom slipped out unnoticed.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+CHAPTER XXIV
+
+OMNIUM GATHERUM
+
+
+When at last the room emptied, and she was free to do so, Hepsey,
+accompanied by the possessive Jonathan, found her way over to the
+Maxwells. Before she started to tell them the results of the meeting
+she cast a glance of whimsical affection at her palpitating fiance.
+
+"I'd best let him get it off his chest--then we'll get down to
+business," she laughed.
+
+[Illustration: "HEPSEY BURKE, FOR ALL YOUR MOLASSES AND THE LITTLE BIT OF
+VINEGAR YOU SAY YOU KEEP BY YOU, 'THERE ARE NO FLIES ON
+YOU' AS NICKEY WOULD PUT IT"]
+
+So Jonathan, amid much handshaking and congratulation told his
+victorious story--until, when he seemed to Hepsey to become too
+triumphant, she broke in with: "Now that's enough for you, Mr.
+Proudmouth. Let me just say a word or two, will you? The meetin'
+wasn't called for you and me, and I want to tell about more important
+happenin's."
+
+When they had heard of all that had been accomplished, Mrs. Betty got
+up and put her arms round Hepsey's neck and gave her such a hug, and a
+kiss on each cheek, that brought the tears to Mrs. Burke's eyes. And
+Donald, moist-eyed in spite of himself, took her hand in both of his,
+and expressed his feelings and relieved the tension at the same time
+by saying:
+
+"Hepsey Burke, for all your molasses and the little bit of vinegar you
+say you keep by you, 'there are no flies on _you_' as Nickey would put
+it."
+
+At which sally Jonathan slapped his knee, and ejaculated:
+
+"No! there 'aint, by gum! There 'aint no flies on Hepsey, if I _do_
+say it myself."
+
+At which proprietory speech Hepsey wagged her head warningly, saying,
+as they left--"There's no downin' him, these days; I'm sure I don't
+know what's come over the man."
+
+On their way home Jonathan was urgent for fixing the day.
+
+"You said you'd marry me right there and then, if the meetin' came
+your way, now you know you did, Hepsey," he argued. "So if we say
+to-morrow----"
+
+But though Hepsey would never go back on a promise, she protested
+against too summary an interpretation of it, and insisted on due time
+to prepare herself for her wedding. So a day was set some two months
+hence.
+
+Meanwhile, Sylvester Bascom's truer and pristine nature blossomed
+forth in the sunnier atmosphere around him, and after he had delivered
+himself of his feelings to the Maxwells, in a visit which he paid them
+next day at their nomadic quarters, he begged leave to put the rectory
+in full repair before he handed it over to the parish, and the
+Maxwells returned to it.
+
+And he was better than his word; for, with Hepsey and Virginia
+accompanying her, he insisted on Mrs. Betty taking a trip to the city
+a few days later for the purpose of selecting furnishings of various
+kinds dear to the hearts of housekeepers--Hepsey absorbing a share of
+the time in selecting her "trousseau."
+
+Meanwhile, in due course the rectory was made a new place, inside and
+out, and a few weeks after their return the transformed house,
+repainted inside and out, papered and curtained and charmingly fitted
+with new furniture, was again occupied by the Maxwells.
+
+That the interest of the parish should for a while be concentrated on
+the doings at the rectory, and diverted from her own important
+preparations, was a blessing to Hepsey--for she continually declared
+to Mrs. Betty that, little as she knew Jonathan in his new manner, she
+knew herself less!
+
+It was decided that the wedding should be in the church, and a
+reception held after the ceremony, for the bride and bridegroom, at
+the rectory--and that, in this way, the whole parish would celebrate,
+in honor of the auspicious occasion, and of other happy results of
+Hepsey's parish meeting.
+
+The day before the wedding, while Mrs. Betty and Virginia were busily
+occupied at Thunder Cliff and the rectory, dividing their attentions
+between the last touches to Hepsey's wardrobe, and preparing
+confections for the wedding guests, Donald Maxwell was closeted with
+Mr. Bascom at Willow Bluff for a considerable time. It was known that
+the Senior Warden was to support his colleague, Jonathan, at the
+morrow's event, and it was presumed that the rector was prompting him
+in his duties for the occasion.
+
+The ceremony next day at the church was a center of fervent and
+cordial good-will and thanksgiving, as Jonathan, supported by
+Sylvester Bascom, took to wife Hepsey, given away by Mrs. Betty, with
+Virginia as a kind of maid of honor, hovering near. It was well for
+Donald Maxwell that his memory served him faithfully in conducting the
+service, for his eyes were in misty conflict with his bright smile.
+Nickey from the front pew, watched his mother with awestruck eyes, and
+with son-like amazement at her self-possessed carriage under the blaze
+of so much public attention.
+
+There followed a procession from the church, and soon the rectory,
+house and garden, were alive with chattering groups, of all sorts and
+conditions, for the invitations had been general and public,
+irrespective of class or sect, at Hepsey's special request. There was
+a constant line of friends, known and unknown, filing past bride and
+bridegroom, with congratulatory greetings and cordial good wishes.
+There were speeches from delegations of various local bodies, and from
+local notables of various degrees; and there were wedding presents,
+out-vying each other, as it seemed, in kindly personal significance
+rather than in costliness. Among them all, and arranged by Mrs. Betty
+at the very center, the Vestry's gift to the bride stood easily first:
+a plated ice-water pitcher!
+
+It was left to Maxwell to make the farewell speech, as the company
+crowded round the automobile, lent by the Bascoms, in which Hepsey and
+Jonathan sat in smiling happiness, ready to drive to the station, on
+their way for a week's honeymoon.
+
+"Friends!" he said, in a voice that reached to the skirts of the
+assembled throng, "before we give a valedictory 'three times three' to
+the happy couple, I have to tell you of a plan that has been made to
+commemorate this day permanently--and so that Mrs. Jackson may not
+forget the place she holds in our hearts, and always will hold, as
+Hepsey Burke.
+
+"It is Mr. Bascom's idea, and I know it will give lasting pleasure to
+Mrs. Burke--I mean Mrs. Jackson," he corrected, laughing, "as well as
+to all Durford, young and old. The beautiful piece of woodland, half a
+mile beyond Willow Bluff, is to-day presented by Mr. Bascom to the
+town, and we shall shortly repair there to watch the boys erect the
+tent now on the church plot, and which Mr. Jackson has kindly
+presented to the Boy Scouts."
+
+"Gee," yelled Nickey, in astounded delight, and leading a cheer that
+interrupted the speaker for some moments.
+
+Maxwell continued: "Mr. Bascom's generous gift to the town will be kept
+in order by the Boy Scouts, as their permanent camping-ground--and I
+daresay Nickey Burke will not be averse to occupying the tent with his
+corps, during the week or so that Mrs. Jackson is to be away. The place
+is to be called in her honor--'Hepsey Burke Park.' And now--Three
+cheers for the bride and groom."
+
+The cheers were given with whole-hearted fervor, as the man at the
+wheel tooted, and the auto started on its way with the smiling pair,
+followed by the people's delighted shouts of approbation at the happy
+plan for perpetuating among them the cheerful name of Hepsey Burke.
+
+
+
+
+TO THE READER
+
+_Being just a word or two about ourselves_
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