diff options
Diffstat (limited to '25361.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | 25361.txt | 1814 |
1 files changed, 1814 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/25361.txt b/25361.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e757286 --- /dev/null +++ b/25361.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1814 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 93, +August 13, 1887, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 93, August 13, 1887 + +Author: Various + +Editor: Francis Burnand + +Release Date: May 7, 2008 [EBook #25361] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LONDON CHARIVARI, VOLUME 93 *** + + + + +Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Matt Whittaker, +Malcolm Farmer and the Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +PUNCH, + +OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. + + + + +VOL. 93. + + + + +AUGUST 13, 1887. + + + + +AT THE OVAL. + +SURREY _VERSUS_ NOTTS. AUGUST 1ST, 2ND, AND 3RD 1887. + +(_By One of the Fifty Thousand._) + +_Enthusiastic Surreyite loquitur_:-- + +[Illustration: Lo! man!] + +[Illustration: Shrews--bery!] + +[Illustration: Gunn and Barnes.] + + _Hooray!_ Oh, you _must_ let me holloa. I'm one of the famed "Surrey + Crowd," + And a roar for a win such as _this_ is, can_not_ be too long or too loud. + Won by four wickets! As good as though WALTER had scored half a million, + Great Scott! what a rush from the ring! what a crowd round the crowded + Pavilion! + LOHMANN! MAURICE READ!! SHUTER!!! they shouted. KEY!!! KEY!!! LOHMANN!!! + LOHMANN!!! + "Took down the number" of Notts, Sir, and _she's_ a redoubtable foeman. + _We_ haven't licked her for years, and she crowed, Sir, and not without + reason; + And now, under SHUTER, we've done it at last, Sir, and twice in one + season! + After a terrible tussle; how oft was my heart in my mouth, Sir. + Luck now seemed to lean to the North, and anon would incline to the + South, Sir. + Game wasn't won till 'twas lost. Hooray, though, for Surrey! 'Twas _her_ + win. + We missed our WOOD at the wicket, Notts squared it by missing her + SHERWIN, + Both with smashed fingers! Rum luck! But then cricketing luck _is_ a + twister. + And SHERWIN turned up second innings. _Did_ you twig his face when he + missed her, + That ball from J. SHUTER, our Captain? It ranked pretty high among + matches, + But Surrey _did_ make _some_ mistakes, Sir, and Notts----well, they + _couldn't_ hold catches. + SHUTER shone up, did he not? Forty-four, fifty-three, and _such_ cutting! + Hooray! Here's his jolly good health, and look sharp, for they're close + upon shutting. + Partial be blowed! I'm a Surreyite down to my socks, that's a fact, Sir. + _Must_ shout when my countymen score, and don't mind being caught in the + act, Sir. + Cracks didn't somehow come off. ARTHUR SHREWSBURY, Notts' great nonsuch, + Didn't make fifty all told, and our WALTER--the world holds but _one_ + such-- + A poor twenty-five and eighteen--a mere fleabite for W. W. + Still, he's our glory; and _if_ you can spot such another, I'll trouble + you. + _GRACE?_ Why, of course, in his day he was cock of the walk--that's a + moral. + I won't say a word against _him_; but our WALTER!--well, there, we won't + quarrel. + I'm Surrey, you know, as I said. I remember JUPP, HUMPHRY, and STEVENSON, + Burly BEN GRIFFITH, and SOUTHERTON! Well, if it ever was evens on + Match, it was surely on _this_ one. Oh, yes, _I_ gave points, six to + five, Sir, + But then I have always backed Surrey, and _will_ do so whilst I'm alive, + Sir. + And t'other was Notts, don't you see, so _I_ couldn't well show the white + feather. + Ah! well, 'twas a wonderful match; such a crowd, such a game, and such + weather! + K. J. K. (that's Mr. KEY) showed remarkably promising cricket-- + I _did_ feel a little bit quisby when SHERWIN snapped him at the wicket. + 'Twas getting too close, Sir, for comfort; two hundred and five takes + some making-- + When BARNES nicked READ, SHUTER, and HENDERSON, 'gad, there were lots of + hearts quaking. + Seventy-eight for a win, Sir, and five of our best wickets levelled. + Notts then began to pick up, and I own I felt rather blue-devilled; + But Surrey has got a rare team, and you see, when the toppers do fail, + Sir, + They look at it this way, my boy,--there is all the more chance for the + "tail," Sir. + That's what I call true cricket pluck, and so, even when MAURICE READ + quitted him, + That's what young LOHMANN perceived; the place wanted cool grit--and it + fitted him. + His thirty-five, and not out, was worth more, Sir, than many a "Century." + Played like an iceberg, he did; style neither too tame nor too venture-y. + Poor crippled WOOD backed him bravely, and he made the winning hit, he + did. + Won by four wickets! Hooray! Gallant Surrey at last has succeeded + In knocking the dust out of Notts. I've hoorayed till my tongue feels + quite furry. + Yes, _I_ like the best side to win,--but I'm thundering glad, though, + it's Surrey!!! + + * * * * * + +"OVER THE WATER WITH LAWSON" (_Change of Name_).--Jack Tar to be +known in future as Tom Fool. + + * * * * * + +PARLIAMENTARY NOTICES. + +_House of Commons for August._ + + +DISORDERS OF THE DAY. + +Legalised Duels (England) Bill--Report. + +Shillelagh (Irish) Supply Bill--Second Reading. + +Ways and Means (Assaults)--Committee. + +Speaker's Wig Destruction Bill--As amended to be considered. + + +QUESTIONS. + +_Mr. Dillon._--Whether Her Majesty's Government contemplate allowing Mr. DE +LISLE to smile, and if so, whether any precautions will be taken to prevent +his receiving a thrashing. + +_Dr. Tanner._--To ask the Chief Secretary of the Lord-Lieutenant whether he +has any objection to tread upon the tail of his coat. + +_Colonel Saunderson._--To ask the First Lord of the Treasury as to the +condition of the eyes and noses of certain Members of the Nationalist +Party. + + +NOTICE OF MOTION. + +_Mr. T. Healy._--Physical Force, House of Commons (England)--Bill to +facilitate the establishment of a Bear Garden in St. Stephen's. + + * * * * * + +HAVOC! + + In wrath redundant SWINBURNE turns and rends + The "good grey" bard. Alack for SWINBURNE'S "friends"! + He worshipped once at thy red shine, Revolt, + Now thou'rt a mark for his Olympian bolt; + But when he rounds on poor barbaric WALT, + One can but gasp, and wonder where he'll halt. + Coupled with BYRON in one furious "slate"? + O poor Manhattan mouther, what a fate! + ALGERNON'S blunderbuss is double-barrelled; + Down at one shot go "_Drum Taps_" and "_Childe Harold_." + Just fancy being levelled down to--BYRON! + Alas! what woes the poet's path environ. + What next, and next? BYRON called SOUTHEY "gander." + But then the lordly rhymester railed at LANDOR, + One of the SWINBURNE fetishes, enough + To prove that all he wrote was soulless stuff-- + But stop! Who knows that SWINBURNE, on the ravage, + May not, next time, pitch into WALTER SAVAGE? + The idols he once worshipped now he'd burn, + So e'en MAZZINI yet may have his turn-- + Nay, since the hour for palinodes has struck, + At Hugomania he may run amuck; + And, VICTOR being laid upon the shelf, + There'll be but one to round upon--himself. + + * * * * * + +ELEGANT EXTRACTS BY EMINENT MEN. + +A very interesting article appears in the current number of the +_Fortnightly Magazine_, in which the favourite "quotations" of many +celebrated persons are introduced with much effect. Always ready to take a +hint, _Mr. Punch_ has asked everyone he knows to furnish him with his +predilections. The following is the result:-- + +Mr. BRIEFLESS, Junior, of Pump-handle Court writes, "I have carefully +considered the circular you have forwarded to me, and am distinctly of +opinion that my favourite reading is, 'With you the Attorney-General.'" + +"ROBERT" says that his favourite phrase is, "'Ere's 'alf a sovereign for +yourself, but you deserves more!" + +"'ARRY" says he can't think of anything more "fust class" than, "The 'orn +of the 'unter is 'eard on the 'ill." + +And (more or less) the whole world declares that there is no pleasanter +announcement than "_Punch, or the London Charivari_, is published every +Wednesday." + + * * * * * + +Mem. for Our Muddlers. + +It _cannot_ be in the interests of peace that we turn our swords +into--corkscrews, and our bayonets into--button-hooks. That extremely +secular reading of a sacred passage, appears to be the accepted one, +however, in Ordnance Departments, and other places where they play the +fool. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: GERMAN ENGLISH. + +_German Belle._ "ACH! YOU ARE FONT OF YACHTING! ZEN I ZUPPOSE YOU ARE A +GOOT _SALESMAN_?"] + + * * * * * + +THE END OF THE JUBILEE. + + I've been to the Abbey, the Naval Review, + The Maske at Gray's Inn and the Institute too; + In fact I feel just like the Wandering Jew, + Or other historical rover: + I've turned day into night and the night into day, + In a regular rollicking Jubilee way, + And now I can truly and thankfully say, + I'm uncommonly glad that it's over. + + I've been to a number of Jubilee balls, + And I'm really worn out by the parties and calls; + I've fed in the City 'neath shade of St. Paul's, + And ate little fish by the river: + I've been to big picnics both up and down stream, + I've wallowed in strawberries smothered in cream, + Which, following lobster, most doctors would deem + Was remarkably bad for the liver. + + I've read all the Jubilee articles, loads + Of Jubilee leaders and Jubilee odes, + And seen how each poet his Pegasus goads, + Though gaining but slight inspiration; + A chaos of Jubilee Numbers I've seen, + And Jubilee pictures and lives of the QUEEN, + And the Jubilee coinage that's greeted, I ween, + With anything but jubilation. + + But, now all is over, sincerely I trust + The Nation no longer will kick up a dust, + The Jubilee really has done for me just + As "_Commodious_" scared _Mr. Boffin_: + Any more jubilation would finish me quite, + As it is I've a horrible dream every night + That a Jubilee demon is screwing me tight + Down into a Jubilee coffin! + + * * * * * + +The Correct Card. + +MR. GOLDWIN SMITH says:--"The one thing certain about Tory-Democracy, +besides its origin, is, that it is the card of a political gamester." It +may perhaps help the ponderous Professor, in a future philippic, to know, +in addition, that the associations of Tory-Democracy at once suggest +"Clubs," and the game it is playing, the "deuce." + + * * * * * + +THE PARLIAMENTARY BALLYHOOLY. + +AIR--"_Ballyhooly._" + + There's a dashing sort of bhoy who was once his country's joy, + But his ructions and his rows no longer charm me, + He often takes command in a fury-spouting band + Called the "Ballyhooly" Parliamentary Army. + At Donnybrook's famed fair he might shine with radiance rare, + A "Pathriot" he's called, and may be truly, + It is catching, I'm afraid, for when _he_ is on parade + There seems scarce a sober man in "Ballyhooly." + + _Chorus._ + + Whililoo, hi ho! Faith they all enlist, ye know, + Though their ructions and their shindies fail to charm me, + Bad language, howls, and hate put an end to fair debate + In the "Ballyhooly" Parliamentary Army. + + The SPAYKER, honest soul, finds they're quite beyond control, + Discussion takes a most extinded radius, + It's about as fine and clear as the stalest ginger-beer, + But the "bhoys," they never seem to find it "tadyious." + And what is worse, to-day all the Army march one way, + That is in being ructious and unruly, + If a Mimber in debate wants to argue fair and straight, + Faith they howl him out of court in "Ballyhooly." + _Chorus_--Whililoo, hi, ho, &c. + + They're supposed to hould debate in the interests of the State, + Which one and all they do their best to injure; + I have said their talk's as clear as the stalest ginger-beer, + And they mix the vilest vitriol with the ginger. + The bhoys are not alone, for in sorrow one must own + The young Tories are as noisy and unruly, + And the Rads they rave and rail till one longs to lodge in gaol + The intemperate brigade of "Ballyhooly." + _Chorus_--Whililoo, hi, ho, &c. + + There's a moral to my song, and it won't detain yez long, + Of Party spirit e'en the merest "nip" shun. + It's poison, that is clear, Ballyhooly "ginger-beer," + As ye'll own when I have given the prescription. + You take heaps of Party "rot," spirit mean, and temper hot, + Lies, blasphemy, and insult; mix them duly; + For sugar put in salt, bitter gall for honest malt, + Faith, they call it "Statesmanship" in "Ballyhooly." + _Chorus_--Whililoo, hi, ho, &c. + + _Encore Verse._ + + Since you're kind enough to crave just another little stave, + I'll explain the furious ferment that now leavens + A tipple once so sound is just Party spite all round, + And of course _my_ Ballyhooly is St. Stephen's. + 'Twill be very long before you will wish to cry "Encore!" + To the row that makes our Parliament unruly; + For good sense would put a stop on the flow of Party "Pop" + That makes a Donnybrook of "Ballyhooly." + + _Chorus._ + + Whililoo, hi, ho! 'Tis a huge mistake, ye know, + To let ructions and recriminations charm ye. + If they don't abate their hate, they'll bring ruin on the State, + Will the Ballyhooly Parliamentary Army. + + * * * * * + +Very Like a Wales. + +The zeal of the Actor who blacked himself all over to play _Othello_, is at +last outdone--by Mr. GLADSTONE, who, it is stated, is learning the Welsh +language, under the tuition of Mr. RICHARD, M.P., in order to deliver his +speech at the forthcoming Eisteddfod in TAFFY'S own tongue. "Not for +CADWALLADER and all his goats," as _Pistol_ says, would an ordinary +politician go through such an ordeal for such an end. "Gallant Little +Wales" will, however, no doubt be duly grateful, and, by lending its +support to her adroit flatterer, enable him to say, with _Gower_, to the +opponents of Home-Rule, "Henceforth let a Welsh correction teach you a good +English condition." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: UN DUEL DE CAFE-CONCERT. + +_MM. Boxe et Coxe._ + +_M. le General Boxe._ "SAVEZ-VOUS VOUS BATTRE?" _M. Coxe_ (_homme d'etat_). +"NON!" + +_M. le General Boxe._ "EH BIEN, ALORS! ALLONS-Y-DONC!" + +(_Translation._--"Can you fight?" "No!" "Then come on!")] + + * * * * * + +Jest in Earnest. + +(_What might have happened._) + +_Monday._--The Fleets started on their manoeuvres. Before leaving, the +Ironclads ran down, accidentally, all the unarmoured vessels in the +harbour. + +_Tuesday._--Collision. Sinking of the _Ajax_. + +_Wednesday._--Mistake in steering. Foundering of the _Minotaur_. + +_Thursday._--Error in seamanship. Loss of the _Neptune_. + +_Friday._--Misapprehension of signal. Ramming of the _Devastation_. + +_Saturday._--Something wrong somewhere. The remainder of the Fleet goes to +the bottom. + + * * * * * + +MR. PUNCH'S MANUAL FOR YOUNG RECITERS. + +[Illustration] + +It is a charming characteristic of the Young Amateur Entertainer +that--whether he possesses or not the smallest acquaintance with any +language beyond his own--he is always prepared to impersonate a foreigner +of any given nationality at a moment's notice; and _Mr. Punch_ is confident +that the most backward of his Pupils will be perfectly at home (and how his +audience will envy him!) with the following Anglo-German recitation, which +may be given under the following title:-- + +PROFESSOR BOMPP RELATES A LITTLE ANECDOTE. + +(_To do this effectively, you must assume an air of childlike candour._) + + I deach my dong in Engeland for dventy years and more; + And vonce I dvell at Vigmore Shtreet, ubon ze zegond floor-- + + (_Pull yourself up suddenly._) + + Bot dat has nodings hier to zay--zo, blease, (_professorial air for + this_) you vill addend! + I gom to dell you gurious dings vat habbened mit a vriend. + He vas a hanzom-headed man, zo like me as a pea, + And eferyveres I valk about he gom along mit me; + Bot all ze efenings, beaceful-quiet, he shtay in-doors and shmoke. + And choggle at himzelf at dimes in hatching out a yoke; + Ontill von day his choggling stobbed--he'd tombled deep in lof, + And he bassed ze dime vith gissing at a leedle vemale glof! + Ubon two shpargling eyes he dink, von deligate cock-nose-- + Dill zoon his dinkings vork him op mit gourage to bropose. + Zen, ach! zat nose vas dilted more, and gruel vorts she shpoke: + "I vill not dwine aroundt no heart vat shmells zo shtrong mit shmoke! + Vor you yourzelf I might, vith dime, bersuade myzelf to gare-- + Bot nevare mit no ogly bipes vill I avection share!" + (_Pause, and glance round your audience with a slightly pained air._) + I dink I hear zom laty make a symbathetic shniff-- + You Englisch shendlevomens dreats a shmoker var too shtiff! + For look--meinzelf I shmoke a bipe, mit baintings on ze bowl, + I shtoffs him vith dat sheepstabak vat's dwisted in a roll, + I gif my vort it ton't daste pad--zough yust a leedle veak-- + Shtill, ven I schmokes inzide a drain,--I vinds zom laties seeck! + (_Amiable surprise, as you mention this instance of insular + intolerance._) + Bot, zere, you makes me chadderbox, and dakes op all my dime! + I vant to dell you how mein vriend behafed himself sooblime: + "If you vill pe mein Braut," he zaid, "tobaggo I'll renounce, + And shvear to nefer puy no more von solidary ounce!" + Zo she gif him out her lily hand, and shmile on him zo shveet: + "Vith sodge a sagrifice," she zaid, "you brove your lof indeet! + And I dakes you--on your zolem vort mit shmoking to ged rid, + Pe off and purn your bipes and dings!" vich--boor yong man, he--did! + Dree sblendid bipes he sacrificed, in china, glay, and vood, + He vatched zem craggle in ze vlames--I vonder how he _could_! + And mit zem vent his brime zigars of pest Havana prandt, + Imborted hier vrom Hampurg, in his own dear Vaderlandt! + + [_With sentiment._ + + Henzefort he lif a shmokeless life, vor vear to lose his bride, + And nefer vonce gomblained to her of soferings inzide! + Bot--zough she gif him zentiment and rabdures ven zey met-- + Zomdimes he vish she vouldn't mind von leedle zigarette! [_Pause._ + Now game along ze night pefore his veddings was to pe-- + And he dried to galm his jomping soul mit bonderings and tea-- + Ven, zoddenly--he hear a zound, as eef zom barty knock, + And it gom vrom his tobaggo-jar, long embdy of its shtock! + "Gom in! I mean--gom _out_!" he cried (he was a viddy chap!) + + [_Here you should be convulsed with inward laughter._ + + "For nonn of your nockdurnal knocks I do not gare von rap!" + Bot--vile he yoked--ze lid fly off, and sblash into his cop, + + [_Business here._ + + And a kind of leedle voman's form inzide the jar sbring op! + Her face vas yust the golour of a meerschaum nod quide new, + And her hair vas all in ribbling vaves--like long-cut honnydew! + In golden silber she vas roped, all shpangled o'er mit shtars, + For it zeemed as eef she dress herzelf mit baper round zigars, + And like an eel his bagbone squirmed, his hair god up erect, + For beoples in tobaggo-jars is tings you ton't exbect! + "Bervidious von!" she shpeak at him, zo broud as any queen, + "Pehold your homage-objects vonce--ze goddess Nigodeen! + I galls to know ze reason vy you leafs my aldars cold, + And nefer purns me incense like your bractice vas of old?" + "To bay you more resbects, I must," he plurted out, "degline, + For I'm vorshibing at bresent mit an obbosition shrine." + "And zo you makes yourzelf," she gries, "a dankless renegade + To von who, oftendimes invoked, yet nefer vailed her aid + To charm avay your lonely dimes, and soffogate your care! + If dat's your leedle games, mein vriend, dake my advice--bevare!" + "I'd gladly zend mein zoul inzide a himmeldinted gloud, + Bot as a Penedick," he zaid, "I vill not pe allowed! + I dells you vrank"--(I haf exblained he vas a vonny vellow!)-- + "Mitout mein bipe, ze honnymoon shall nod daste quide so mellow!" + "Enoff!" she said, "you vatch your eye, and zee vat vill bekom!" + She bopped inzide ... he search ze jar--'twas embdy as a drom! + And zen he vipe his sbecdagles, and shtare, and rob his head, + (_Business._) And dink he'd grown too vanziful, and pedder go to bed. + + [_Impressive pause, and continue in lowered voice._ + + Vell, next day, on ze afdernoon, his honnymoon pegan---- + And Dandalus vas nodings to zat boor dormented man! + For ven he dry to giss his vife ubon her lips zo ripe-- + Petween his own brojected fort a pig soobyectif bipe! + And efer more, in sbite of all ze dender vorts he zay, + Ze sbegtral image of a bipe kept gedding in his vay! + Ondill ubon ze burple sky shone out ze efening shtar-- + And zen ze bipe dransform himzelf, and change to a zigar! + Bot, vorst of all, his vife vould veel no bity for his fate! + She dink it all a hombogsdrick--and zoon zey sebarate; + And benidently he redurned, and zaid to NIGODEEN: + "Forgif, and nefer more I'll pe ze vool I vonce haf peen! + I lofed my vife--but now I vind I gares for you ze most-- + And I'm dired of shmoking dings vat is no pedder as a ghost!" + Zo NIGODEEN she dakes him back, begause his vife vas gone, + And now ze bipe he shmokes is _nod_ an immaderial von! + You vonder how I goms to know?--Brebare yourzelves to jomp!-- + (_Sensationally._) I vas zat yong boor man meinzelf--der Herr Brofessor + BOMPP! + + * * * * * + +THE TRAVELLER'S VADE MECUM. + +_Question._ I understand that you are leaving Town. Why? + +_Answer._ Because it is the fashion. + +_Q._ Have you any plans? + +_A._ I am a little undecided. At first I thought of going to an English +watering-place, but abandoned the idea because the papers said I should be +sure to be laid up with typhoid fever, German measles, or something equally +pleasant. + +_Q._ Had it not been for this dread, should you have gone? + +_A._ I suppose so. We are acclimatised to the discomforts of seaside +lodgings, the discords of second-rate German bands, and the disillusions of +country views. + +_Q._ For the sake of argument, abandoning the English watering-place--where +shall you go? + +_A._ My wife says Paris--and means it. + +_Q._ Do you object yourself to the gay capital? + +_A._ Well--just now--yes; chiefly because it is not gay. + +_Q._ I suppose you would prefer the principal theatres to be open? + +_A._ If I could attend them without being sure that I should find the "hot +room" of a Turkish bath considerably cooler. Not that there would not be a +risk of being grilled to death on the Boulevards and bored out of my life +by running across hundreds of personally-conducted tourists. + +_Q._ Then why should you go? + +_A._ Because my wife wishes to see the bonnets. + +_Q._ Could she see them nowhere else? + +_A._ Not to her satisfaction, although I believe she could find their +counterparts in Tottenham Court Road and the Westbourne Grove. + +_Q._ After Paris where shall you go? + +_A._ Either to Switzerland, Italy, or Holland. + +_Q._ Do you expect much amusement? + +_A._ Not much, because I know them by heart. Still I know the best hotels, +or rather the best _table d'hotes_. + +_Q._ Is that all you care for? + +_A._ Nearly all. However it is a languid satisfaction to compare St. +Peter's with St. Paul's to the disadvantage of the former, and to think +there is nothing in Switzerland to equal the Trossachs, Loch Maree and the +Cumberland Lakes. + +_Q._ But the Art treasures? + +_A._ May be found _en bloc_ at the South Kensington Museum. + +_Q._ Then you travel in rather a gloomy mood. + +_A._ Rather. Still I am buoyed up with a delightful prospect in the future. + +_Q._ A delightful prospect! What prospect? + +_A._ The prospect of returning home! + + * * * * * + +SCARCELY "BUTTER."--To change the nickname of MADGE to Margarine. + + * * * * * + +LADIES' LAW. + +[Illustration] + +Some little while since a book was published for the exclusive benefit of +the fair sex, which purported to teach men's mothers, sisters, cousins, and +aunts, the advantages bestowed upon them by the Married Women's Property +Act, and other statutes of a like character. No doubt the volume was an +excellent guide to females fond of litigation; but still there are many who +prefer, in spite of everything, to retain their own fixed opinion on the +subject of law. For that feminine majority the following congenial hints +are published:-- + +If a woman makes a will, she can never revoke it, and is likely to die soon +afterwards, as it is not only unnecessary, but unlucky. + +A marriage without bridesmaids is nearly illegal. This applies, in a lesser +degree, to marriages where children, dressed in Charles the First costumes, +are not employed to hold up the bride's train. + +A mortgage is a sort of thing that causes a house to become the possession +of a dishonest Agent, who is usually a Solicitor. + +The best way of settling a County Court summons, brought in the absence of +the master of the house, is to ask the man into the dining-room, and tell +him about the accomplishments of the children. This will soften his heart, +and get him to prevent the Judge from sending everyone to prison. + +A nice Solicitor never contradicts a Lady, and therefore knows the law +infinitely better than the disagreeable fogies, who are so obstinate. And, +lastly, the best way to learn the real provisions of the law, is to study a +modern novel by a lady Authoress. + + * * * * * + +SALUBRITIES ABROAD. + +"_Salubrities at Home_" (_pace_ Mr. ATLAS, who will recognise this +temporary adaptation of his world-renowned title) I should say are Buxton +(for most people), Bath (for some), Harrogate (for others), and,--besides a +variety of North, South, East and West, too numerous to be mentioned in +these notes,--Ramsgate for nearly all. + +"_Salubrities Abroad_" are Homburg, Aix-les-Bains, Carlsbad, &c., &c., and +Royat, where I find myself again this year. "Scenes of my bath-hood, once +more I behold ye!" There is "A Salubrity at Royat," which people of certain +tendencies cannot easily find elsewhere. It is a cure for eminent persons +of strong Conservative tendencies. Lord SALISBURY was here last year, and +my friend Monsieur ONDIT, who is in everybody's confidence, tells me that +his Lordship will revisit a place where the _traitement_ did him so much +good. I believe he underwent the "Cherry-cure," at all events his Lordship +was seen in public constantly eating them out of a paper-bag. _What did he +do with the bag?_ My answer is, "he popped it." Down went the cherries, and +bang went the bag and fifty centimes. Well, did not Royat effect some +change in his conservatism? What has been the result? But I am not here to +talk politics. + + * * * * * + +Everybody is talking of the BOULANGER-FERRY incident. This is Aug. 4, and +nothing has happened. + + "Il n'y a pas de danger," + Dit General BOULANGER; + "Tout va, je crois, s'arranger, + Chez FERRY, mes amis." + +I haven't time to proceed with this, but, so far, the idea is at any poet's +disposition to continue as he pleases, my only stipulation being that the +air to which it is to be sung shall be "_Marlbrook_." + +My other friend, BENJAMIN TROVATO, of Italian extraction, tells me that +BOULANGER is half English, and had an English education. BEN informs me +that the General has never forgotten the rhythms he learnt in his happy +English nursery; and that, when he read that M. FERRY had called him a +"_St. Arnaud de Cafe-Concert_," he sang out, recollecting the old catch,-- + + A Note, a Note! + Haste to the Ferry! + +in which his friends were unable to join, owing to their ignorance of the +words and tune. + +When driving through Clermont-Ferrand from the Station up to Royat, we +(three of us) had a small omnibus to ourselves. One of the party (a wag, of +whom, and of the circumstances of our meeting, more "in my next") insisted +on our calling out, "_Vive_ BOULANGER!" We did this several times in the +most crowded parts, but the cry obtained no response, and aroused no +excitement, as, being uttered with the greatest caution (at my instance), +nobody heard it. + + * * * * * + +But what a thing to fight about! If duelling were an English fashion, how +fruitful of "incidents" this Session would have been. How often would Mr. +TIM HEALY have been "out"? And Mr. DE LISLE'S life would have hung upon a +Lisle thread! + + * * * * * + +Note for strangers about to visit Royat.--The Continental Hotel has lost a +little territory, as half of what was its terrace has been returned to the +present proprietor of the hotel next door, with whom we Continentals have +no connection, not even "on business," it not being "the same concern" and +under one management as it was last year. But what the Continental Hotel +has sacrificed in domain, Monsieur HALL, our obliging landlord, has more +than made up in comfort and cooking. Dr. BRANDT sees his patients in a +charming Villa of Flowers. The weather is lovely. + + * * * * * + +We are all surprised at seeing one another here. Each person (or each +couple or party) seems to think that he alone (or they alone) possess the +secret of Royat's existence. We certainly are not a mutual admiration +society at Royat. When we come upon one another suddenly, each exclaims, +"Hallo! what are _you_ here for?" is if the other were a convict "doing his +time." Everyone thinks he knows what he is here for, but very few tell what +he thinks he knows. And, by the way, the best-informed among us doesn't +know very much about it. + + * * * * * + +In the Reading-room of the _Cercle_ there ought to be (as advertised in a +local journal) at least three English newspapers daily. I have not seen +them as yet. The only London paper arriving here regularly, and to be +purchased every day early at the Newsvendor's, is the _Morning Post_. +_Vive_ Sir ALGERNON! Can this be the attraction for Lord SALISBURY? Why +come out so far afield to read the _Morning Post_? Or wasn't it here, +during Lord SALISBURY'S visit last year, and is he still ignorant of its +having been subsequently demanded and supplied this season? And when he +comes and finds it--"O what a surprise!"--no, thank goodness, we have +escaped from this song--for a time, at least. + + * * * * * + +Too hot to write any more journal. The hundredth bell is sounding for the +fiftieth _dejeuner_. My _dejeuner_ is finished. There are bells here +perpetually. All day and all night. In vain would Mr. IRVING as _Mathias_, +put his hands to his ears and close the windows. The bells! The bells! +Distant bells, near bells, sheep-bells, goat-bells, a man with pipe (not +tobacco but tune, or what he and the goats consider a tune), dinner-bells, +guests'-bells, servants'-bells, church-bells (not much), chapel-bells +(early and occasionally), horse-bells, donkey-bells, breakfast-bells, +supper-bells, arrival-bells, departure-bells, tramway bells, crier's-bells, +with variations on drum or trumpet, and several other bells that I shall +notice in the course of the twenty-four hours, but have forgotten just now. + + * * * * * + +The "_petits chevaux_" have not been stopped by the Government; they are +running as fast as ever. There are two bands, playing morning, afternoon, +and evening. The _Casino Samie_ is as lively as ever, or, as my waggish +acquaintance at once expressed it, in that vein of humour for which he is +so specially distinguished, "The Samie old game," and to sit out in the +garden, with a fragrant cigar and coffee, before retiring for the night, is +indeed a calm pleasure, or would be but for the aforesaid waggishness, of +which more anon. + + * * * * * + +Soldiers about everywhere, Boulangering. Up in the hills is a splendid +echo. This morning, having caught the very slightest cold, I went up into +the mountains to get it blown away. Suddenly I sneezed. Such a sneeze! It +reverberated all over the mountain like the firing of a battery. Again! +again! These sneezes nearly shook me off the rock, and sent me staggering +on to the _plateau_ below. The effect must have been alarming, as the third +sneeze fetched out the military, horse and foot, at full gallop, and the +double. _L'ennemi? C'etait moi!_ They scoured the mountain sides, but I did +not sneeze again. I have a sort of idea that my sneeze upset the entire +preconcerted arrangements for a review. The Boulangerers retired--so did I. + + * * * * * + +'Tis the hour of _douche_. RICHARD, the attendant, will be there to give it +me. _Douche-ment, douche-ment._ Gently does it! O RICHARD, O _Mon +Roy-at_!... _Au revoir!_ + + * * * * * + +Mrs. R. went to see the _premiere_ of a new piece about which there had +been considerable excitement in the theatrical world. "It was quite a +novelty for me," said the good lady to a friend; "every literal person was +there of any imminence, and my nephew, who is connected with papers +himself, told me that the stalls were full of crickets. He pointed them all +out to me. Most interesting." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "LE MONDE OU L'ON S'AMUSE." + +_Miss Ponsonby de Tomkyns_ (_just out_). "OH, PAPA! SUCH AN _EXQUISITE_ +CONCERT IT WAS AT LADY MIDAS'S! THE DUCHESS WAS THERE, AND THE +MOWBRAY-MASHAMS, AND LORD AND LADY WROTTENHAM, AND COUNT EDELWEISS, AND +CAPTAIN DE COURCY, AND SIR MAINWARING CARSHALTON AND HIS WIFE, AND--IN FACT +EVERYBODY ONE CARES TO MEET." + +_Mr. P. de T._ "INDEED! AND WHO PLAYED AND SANG?" + +_Miss P. de T._ "WHO PLAYED AND SANG? WELL--A--A--REALLY, DO YOU KNOW, I +DON'T REMEMBER!"] + + * * * * * + +"GLASS FALLING!" + +_Head of the House, loquitur_:-- + + Dear me! Going back? I can hardly conceive it. + I thought we were in for a spell of "Set Fair." + A serious change? No, I will not believe it; + I _can't_, I declare. + + I've tapped it with confidence morning by morning, + This glass which has never deceived me before; + And now to go wrong in this way, without warning!-- + It's really a bore. + + Of course it's too bad to be _true_, for the weather + So settled has seemed, and has promised so well, + And why it should go and break up altogether + Nobody can tell. + + Tap! Tap! Yes, it's true, it is certainly dropping. + Things seem--for the moment--a bit out of joint, + For of course there is not the least fear of its _stopping_ + At such a low point. + + No, no, that's absurd; the idea makes one pallid. + This many and many a day from my door + Without a top-coat or a gingham I've sallied; + And now, will it pour? + + O nonsense! The omens have all been so cheery; + _The Times_, in its forecasts, have been so cock-sure. + Can we all have been wrong? Nay, a prospect so dreary + I cannot endure. + + Some local disturbances truly I've heard of. + Our foes make the most of such little mishaps; + But then they mean nothing; it's really absurd of + The ignorant chaps. + + At Spalding or Coventry weather may vary;-- + And yet, when the "area of change" gets too wide, + Men fancy it's more than a passing vagary;-- + Ay, even _our_ side. + + Tap! Tap! Yes there _is_ a perceptible tumble. + One can't "square" the weather or "get at" the glass. + A storm? Oh! 'twas merely the least little rumble,-- + 'Twill probably pass. + + Yes. Up in the North there 'tis always unsettled; + I fancy we shan't be so shifty down South. + No, really there's not the least call to be nettled, + Or down in the mouth. + + I'll take my umbrella,--a useful possession, + Yes, even in summer with wind in the east. + But this--oh! it's merely a "local depression";-- + I _hope_ so, at least! + + * * * * * + +THE HAZARD OF A--DYE. + +Supposing that when our soldiers and sailors were armed with worthless +bayonets and useless cutlasses, a war had broken out. + +And supposing that our Army had been defeated on account of those worthless +bayonets. + +And supposing our sailors had been slaughtered by hundreds on account of +those useless cutlasses. + +And supposing the country had been successfully invaded because the nation +had improper arms of defence. + +And supposing, wild with ruin, revenge, and misery, the remains of the Army +and Navy had met Sir JOHN ADYE. + +Supposing they had. Well, what then? + + * * * * * + +PRIZE PARLIAMENTARY PUZZLE.--"The End of the Session." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "GLASS FALLING!" + +"HM!--GOING BACK! AH!--ONLY A _LOCAL DEPRESSION_!!"] + + * * * * * + +A SOOTHING SONG FOR AUGUST. + +[Illustration: Taking a Pull on the Watery Main.] + + Far from placid pleasure + Fashion's nomads roam; + Wisdom finds the treasure + In its fullest measure + Peacefully at home. + + Free from by-the-way bores + Of hotel and train, + Rest we from our labours, + With our fair young neighbours + Round us once again. + + Bees in drowsy fettle + Lazy lilies rob; + Slumbrously they settle, + Thrumming like a kettle + On the Summer's hob. + + Flies their mystic mazes + Intricately thread, + Where the sunshine blazes + Through the cedarn hazes, + Just above my head. + + Pussy, with her fur feet + Curled beneath her breast, + Drowzes where the turf-heat + Soothes her with a surfeit + Of delicious rest. + + Now a laughing quarrel + Stirs the stilly air, + Where, beyond the laurel, + With their white apparel + Glistening in the glare, + + Boys and girls together + Make a gallant crew, + Boys in highest feather, + Girls like summer weather, + Bright and sweet and true. + + * * * * * + +OUR EXCHANGE AND MART. + +SOME MORE HOLIDAY INQUIRIES. + +NOVEL YACHTING EXPEDITION. UNIQUE CHANCE.--A Gentleman of marked nautical +proclivities, who has lately, through the demise of a great-uncle, come +into the possession of a Penny Steamer in a very fair condition of repair, +is anxious to meet with one or two persons of similar tastes who would be +disposed to start with him on a Summer Tour, for the purpose of leisurely +navigating the vessel, in a tentative fashion, round the British Isles. As +he would not take a Pilot with him, but proposes when in doubt either to +ask his way from the nearest Coastguard by signal, or run in shore and get +out and walk, he thinks the voyage would not be without excitement and +variety, and would be likely to afford some novel seafaring experience to +the naval amateur in search of pleasing adventure. The course, as at +present mapped out, would be from Putney Bridge to Margate, Plymouth, +Holyhead, Skye, Aberdeen, by the German Ocean past Hull, Yarmouth, +Clacton-on-Sea, Southend, back again, finishing the journey at Battersea +Reach, but it would probably be varied by wind and weather, the exigences +of which would naturally have to be taken into account. The crew will +consist of three experienced Channel stewards, a bargee, a retired pirate, +and a cabin-boy, and will be under the command of the advertiser, who, +though fresh to the work, has little doubt but that, with a friendly hint +or two from his fellow-yachtsmen, he will be able to manage it. N.B.--Each +Passenger provided with a Royal Humane Society's drag. For all further +particulars apply to "PORT-ADMIRAL," 117, Rope Walk, Chelsea, S.W. + + * * * * * + +EXCEPTIONAL PSYCHOLOGICAL OPPORTUNITY. HAUNTED CASTLE TO LET.--A Baronet, +in the North of England, who can himself stand residence in it no longer, +is anxious to meet with a suitable Tenant for his Family Mansion likely to +appreciate the mysterious horrors with which, owing to the crimes of his +ancestors in times past, it is now nightly associated. The chief +manifestation consists in the appearance, after midnight, in an +oak-panelled bedroom, of a huge black wolf, accompanied by a little old man +in a bag-wig and faded blue velvet coat, who, looking sadly at the +occupant, and saying, in a mournful voice, "I've lost my return-ticket!" +vanishes suddenly, together with his swarthy companion, into the +linen-cupboard. As this apparition is frequently followed by the sound as +of a man in a complete suit of armour falling head-over-heels down six +flights of stairs, and ultimately, amidst prolonged and piercing shrieks, +apparently lodging in the coal-cellar, a member of the Society for +Promoting Psychical Research could not fail to find the whole experience a +singularly pleasing one. Several people having already been frightened into +fits through passing a night in the castle, a practical joker, who wished +to have a little fun at the expense of an aged and invalid relative or two, +could not do better than ask them down for a week, and let them take turns +at sleeping in the bedroom in question. Address, "BARONET," Goblynhurst, +Howlover. + + * * * * * + +TIGER-SHOOTING AT HOME. PRIME SPORT WITH BIG GAME.--A Country Clergyman, +who, having taken charge of a Menagerie for an invalid friend, has had the +misfortune to let nearly the whole of it escape and get loose in his +parish, would be glad to have the assistance of several Sportsmen of wide +Indian and African experience, who would be willing to join him in an +effort either to kill, or, if possible, recapture it at the very earliest +opportunity. Though the Advertiser has succeeded in temporarily securing +three lions, a chimpanzee, a couple of hyaenas, and a young hippopotamus in +the Vicarage drawing-room, and has managed to envelope a boa-constrictor in +a lawn-tennis net, yet, as five full-grown Bengal tigers, and about thirty +other wild beasts of a miscellaneous character are at large in the village, +and have, to his knowledge, already devoured the Postman, the Curate, a +School Inspector, and both the horses of the Local Railway Omnibus, he +feels that no time ought to be lost in replying to his appeal. One or two +Experts, armed with Hotchkiss Guns, would be of use, and might write. Would +be glad to hear from a Battery of Horse Artillery. Address, The VICAR, High +Roaring, Notts. + + * * * * * + +AERIAL VOYAGE. ADVANTAGEOUS EXPERIMENT FOR THE SHORT-SIGHTED.--A Gentleman +who has long been suffering from a chronic affection of the eyes, and has +been recommended by his medical adviser to try the stimulating effect of +mountain air, having conceived the idea of procuring it for himself by +making an ascent in a second-hand and slightly damaged balloon that he has +purchased for the purpose, will be glad to hear from one or two thoroughly +skilled and experienced Aeronauts similarly afflicted, who would regard the +beneficent results of being able to accompany him as an equivalent for the +professional services they might render to the carrying out of the +undertaking. As the Advertiser's idea is to start from some convenient +Gas-Works in the Midland Counties, and keep a steady northward course by +holding on, before the wind, with a line and grappling-hook to the system +of telegraphic wires running alongside one of the great central railways, +and as he proposes merely stopping occasionally _en route_ to unroof the +house of some local medical man when any of the party are in need of +advice, he confidently anticipates that the trip will not be devoid of +novel and exciting features that will invest it with a distinctively fresh +and exhilarating character. For full and further particulars of the +enterprise, which have been carefully thought out, apply, by letter, to "IN +NUBIBUS," Uppingham Lodge, Mount-Rising, Ayrshire. + + * * * * * + +THREE THOUSAND BLAZING ACRES TO LET.--A Scotch Laird, who has, by some +accident in celebrating Her Majesty's Jubilee, managed to set fire to his +entire property, the whole of which, after smouldering for a season, has +since burst into a violent conflagration, which he can neither diminish nor +control, would be willing to let it at a comparatively low rental to a +London Sportsman sufficient novice in grouse-shooting not to be surprised +at picking up his birds already roasted in the heather. As at the end of a +day's trudging in the blinding heat of a Sahara through smoking covers, +accompanied by a powerful steam fire-engine, he will probably discover that +he has only succeeded in making a bag consisting of one singed "cheeper," +the "shooting" is likely to prove more attractive to the amateur unfamiliar +with the rifle, but accustomed to the tropical heat of a Central African +Summer, than satisfactory to a professional marksman counting on +dispatching from a breezy moorland fifty brace or so to his relatives and +friends.--For terms, &c., apply to THE MAC SALAMANDER, Flaimhaugh, Glen +Blayse, N.B. + + * * * * * + +By a Canterbury Belle. + +(_Song at the End of the great Cricket Week._) + + Fine weather, fair cricket, the bold "Men of Kent" + To flirt and bet gloves--thirty pairs are my winnings!-- + Why, yes, on the whole I'm extremely content; + 'Tis the nicest of _outings_ to witness such _innings_. + + _Chorus_--A Cricketer _should_ be an excellent match + Because he is certain to be "a good catch." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: SNAP-SHOTS FOR THE TWELFTH. + +An Extended Tract of Moor. + +A Second Laying. + +Heavy Bags are Difficult to Secure.] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: ANTHROPOPHAGOUS. + +_Little Nephew._ "UNCLE, YOU MUST BE A SORT O' CANNIBAL, I----" + +_Uncle_ (_on a visit_). "A WHAT, SIR!? WHA'D'YER MEAN, SIR?" + +_Nephew._ "'CAUSE MA' SAID YOU WAS ALWAYS LIVIN' ON SOMEBODY!"] + + * * * * * + +FOREIGN (LANGUAGE) COMPETITION. + +CARE EDITOR,--SENTIO obligatus scribere ad te propter extraordinariam novam +departuram quam Gubernator recenter fecit. (Scribo Latine, quia si ille +legit hoc, _non poterit intelligere_! Praetendit intelligere Classica +perfecte, sed habeo graves dubitationes de illo. Hoc est inter nos.) + +Sunt nostri holidies nunc, ut tu sine dubio es awarus; et, alio mane, Pater +subito nunciavit suam intentionem detrahere me de Etonis, et mittere me ad +aliquem Tutorem in Germania, "in ordinem ut discam modernas linguas, sic +importantes (ille ait) in cursu vitae nunc-dies." + +Fui attonitus, ut tu potes imaginare. Nam Gubernator, ut totus mundus +noscit, semper fuit laudator Classicorum. ("Omne ignotum pro magnifico," +intelligis; habeo illum illic, nonne? Hoc quoque est inter nos.) In facto, +pro momento ego fui "percussus omnis cumuli," ut dictum est. + +Habere linquere Etonas, tam jolliam scholam! Et ire ad istos Teutones, qui +non possunt ludere vel cricketum vel footballum, et sunt generaliter +horribiles muffi! Id est nimis malum pro verbis. + +Vide explanationem paternae inconsistentiae! Forsitan vidisti, O PUNCHE, +quomodo aliqui journales pestilentes recenter abusi sunt Classicas linguas. +Bene, Gubernator legit hos journales, et nunc odit Graecum et Latinum. Ego +ipse odi Graecum, sed Germanum est multo pejus, si possibile. Ut pro +Gallico, non est ita difficile, excepta pronunciatione, quae est bestiissima +res umquam inventa. Sed "malo mispronunciare ad Etonas, quam in Continenti +recte dicere," ut CICERO dicit. + +Protestavi contra novam ideam Gubernatoris tantum quam audeo; sed habeo +esse cautus, quia Gubernator non amat contradictionem. Fit cereus, si +contradicitur. Argui tamen ut obliviscar omnia mea Classica in Germania +celerius quam potes dicere "Johannes Robinson;" nam unum caput non potest +tenere Graecum, Latinum, Germanum, _et_ Gallicum. Gubernator iracunde +respondit ut "_meum_ caput non potest tenere aliquam rem, ut videtur." Hoc +est abominabilis libellus (inter nos iterum). + +Tunc posui ante eum pericula duellorum. Juvenes Teutonici omnes ineunt pro +duellis, ut habeo auditum. Pater (crudelis!) fecit extreme leve hujus +periculi. "Si redeam sine naso, quid tum?" dixi. "Erit propria poena," +Gubernator sarcastice respondit, "pro negligente NASONEM ad scholam." Ille, +percipis, "ridet ad cicatrices, quia nunquam sensit vulnus." Laudat +Caput-Magistros Marlburienses et Harrovienses et Winchesterenses pro +expellendo Graecum de Intranti Examinatione pro illis scholis. Sperat ut "in +nullo tempore ero bonus Germanus scholaris"; sed ego dubito. Dixi ad eum ut +sola Germana verba que nosco sunt "Die Wacht am Rhein." Gubernator +respondit ut meus Tutor donaret mihi "die whacks am Rhein" si negligo +curriculum studiorum. Jocus est extreme pauper. Admiror si Tutor vere +donabit id mihi calidum? O care Editor, nonne potes facere aliquam rem pro +retinente me ad Etonas? Tuus disconsolatus, + +TOMMIUS. + + * * * * * + +SEA-DREAMS. + +_By John Bull_ a propos _of the Naval Manoeuvres._ + + FALMOUTH in flames! By Jove, that _sounds_ a stunner! + FREMANTLE'S given HEWETT a fair "oner," + Somehow I feel I'd rather by a hantle, + HEWETT had given toko to FREMANTLE. + I dare say it's all right; yet there's no telling, + What might be the result of _real_ shelling. + Like the far-famed young lady of Devizes, + FREMANTLE'S _forte_ appears to be surprises, + Splendid no doubt, but, after all expenses, + I feel more interested in _defences_. + Of course for FREMANTLE to dumfog HEWETT, + (And show a world of watchers _how to do it_) + Is first-rate practice; an eye-opener verily; + Only I fancy I should laugh more merrily, + If _my_ eyes were the only optics gazing, + Upon a feat that's no doubt most amazing; + The Thames' mouth occupied by a fine fleet! + The sight--as the fleet's mine--of course is sweet, + But there's one thought that rather makes me blench:-- + _Supposing that FREMANTLE had been French?_ + + * * * * * + +"BOOTIFUL."--The good people of Stafford have given HER MAJESTY as a +Jubilee present a cabinet containing about two hundred pairs of boots and +shoes. Evidently the stock is intended to last until HER MAJESTY reaches +her next Jubilee, when, no doubt, the gift will be repeated! + + * * * * * + +STRIKING EFFECTS.--For further particulars, apply to the Midland Railway +Company. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: INTERIORS AND EXTERIORS. No. 50. + +GRAND PARLIAMENTARY CRICKET MATCH. + +(_Facsimile of Sketch by Our Electric Special._)] + + * * * * * + +ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. + +EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. + +_Monday Night, August 1._--Prince Louis of BATTENBERG had better be making +inquiries as to return trains for Germany. W. REDMOND "has had his +attention called to him," and PICKERSGILL has his eye upon him. German +Prince been appointed to command of _Dreadnought_ over thirty British +Officers who had precedence for promotion. W. REDMOND elicited more general +cheering than usually falls to his lot when he wanted to know what reason +could be given for so extraordinary a mark of confidence? GEORGY HAMILTON +explained that there was best possible reason. Prince LOUIS a heaven-born +sea-Captain. No one like him among ordinary Britishers. Appointed to +_Dreadnought_ simply because he was best possible man. Then PICKERSGILL +came to front. Couldn't object to First Lord's personal preference, but +gave notice that if Prince LOUIS were confirmed in command of _Dreadnought_ +he would move that his salary be disallowed. More cheers. Idea of German +Princeling holding office, however honourable, without drawing a salary +struck Commons as comical. Subject seemed to drop here. But COMMERELL, +having by this time had another question on other subject put and answered, +collected his thoughts, rose and begged to say that "Prince Louis of +BATTENBERG served under me, and a more efficient officer----" Here sentence +came to abrupt conclusion. Angry cries of "Order!" stormed round gallant +Admiral. COMMERELL a man of proved valour, as the Victoria Cross worn on +his breast on Jubilee Day and other high festivities testifies. But his +bronzed cheek blanched under this assault. He stared round a moment +speechless, and resumed his seat. + +House in Committee through long hours on Irish Land Bill. Dulness enlivened +towards midnight by encounter between CHAMBERLAIN and GRANDOLPH. +CHAMBERLAIN began it; GRANDOLPH by no means backward. Rebuked CHAMBERLAIN +for "characteristic sneer," upon which CHAMBERLAIN smartly retorted. The +interesting episode concluded by HARTINGTON announcing his intention to +vote against CHAMBERLAIN and with the Government. HARCOURT much pleased. + +[Illustration: E. H. P-ck-rsg-ll.] + +[Illustration: M-cl-n interposes.] + +"This is only the beginning," he said. "GRANDOLPH and CHAMBERLAIN have +evidently quarrelled. HARTINGTON doesn't bind himself to go with +CHAMBERLAIN; and altogether the Unionist Party seems a little disunited." + +_Business done._--Irish Land Bill in Committee. + +_Tuesday._--Questions over there was a pretty scene. JOHN DILLON complained +of allegation in provincial newspaper that he had applauded a statement +that in a riot at Belfast several children and a young lady school-teacher, +the daughter of Lord SLIGO'S Agent, were seriously hurt. Hadn't proceeded +far with explanation when voice from neighbourhood of Treasury Bench called +out, "It is true!" + +"Who says it's true?" shouted JOHN, flashing a baleful glance on Treasury +Bench. + +At first he thought the interrupter was Old Morality, but his air of +perfect innocence repulsed suspicion. Was it DE WORMS, turning as, it is +written, his family sometimes do? EDWARD CLARKE looked more guilty, so JOHN +"named" him; denied the soft impeachment. HALSEY admitted it, and was +backed up by half-a-dozen Members, including MACLEAN. Bore personal +testimony to having heard the applause when incident was mentioned. + +"I say it is true!" they repeated one after the other. + +"And I say it is false!" JOHN DILLON roared, and proceeded to denounce +Members opposite in language which speedily brought up the SPEAKER. + +After a while MACLEAN again interposed. Demanded to be heard whilst he +asserted in detail the general accuracy of the newspaper paragraph, whilst +of course acquitting DILLON "if he said he did not join in applause." +Parnellites, oddly enough, left all the fighting to JOHN, who was finally +put down by SPEAKER. After this pleasant interlude, House resumed Committee +on Land Bill. Proceedings dolorous, and House empty. At one time sitting +nearly brought to end by a Count. + +_Business done._--Irish Land Bill. + +_Thursday._--Enter TREVELYAN; exit EDWARD RUSSELL, the latter carrying with +him the consciousness of that rare possession--popularity with both sides +of the House. Everybody sorry he has gone, especially "the Dissentient +Liberals." As PLUNKET says, "He was the gentlest-mannered Radical in the +House." Crowded House. TREVELYAN brings his sheaves (1401) with him, in +shape of rattling majority won at Glasgow. Everybody there but HARTINGTON +and CHAMBERLAIN. Meeting in such circumstances with old colleague would +have been too touching. But older colleagues, under wing of GLADSTONE, in +full force. Determined to kill the fatted calf for the returning prodigal. +GLADSTONE would, of course, play the part of Aged Parent; TREVELYAN the +repentant son. But who was to stand for the fatted calf? General impression +that HARCOURT best suited by natural gifts for the character. HARCOURT'S +habitual modesty not to be overcome. "Wouldn't," he said, "like to play +such a prominent part." Finally agreed that they should "imagine the calf." +All went admirably well. Might have been managed by that veteran strategist +the Sage of Queen Anne's Gate. + +[Illustration: Enter Tr-v-ly-n.] + +[Illustration: Exit R-ss-ll.] + +CHILDERS and CAMERON (both out of step with new Member) personally +conducted him to Table. Enormous cheering, which CHILDERS gently +deprecated. "No, my good friends," he said. "This is very kind of you. But +there's really no credit due to me. I bring our young friend up because I, +too, am a Scotch Member. Perhaps my success at Edinburgh may have given +fillip to Liberalism in the Lowlands. But pray don't mention it. Any little +services I may have rendered are overpaid by this magnificent ovation." + +More cheers when new Member was introduced to SPEAKER. Delighted to see +him. Had often heard his name. Pleased with this opportunity of making his +personal acquaintance. Should be sure to know him again if he met him. All +this lively and entertaining. But great scene artistically conceived for +end of play. TREVELYAN, passing round back of SPEAKER'S chair, proceeding +in search of quiet seat, beheld strange spectacle on Front Opposition +Bench. There was the Aged P. signalling from his tent. Signal taken up by +retainers and carried down crowded bench. Only in the place of honour must +the new Member sit. Never made so much fuss of before. Last time took oath +and seat, no particular notice taken of double event. What had happened in +meantime? Had he grown more eloquent; had he performed some conspicuous +service; or had he increased in personal esteem of those who know him? The +latter impossible. In the former no change. He had merely kicked over +traces and was now come back to run in them. Thought of this with some +bitterness. But reception well meant. There was the Aged P. violently +beckoning with venerable forefinger, and the errant son made his way up to +him, fell on his neck and kissed him----this of course in a Parliamentary +sense. + +_Business done._--Army Estimates. + +_Friday._--House of Lords rent to its centre by deadly, blood-curdling, +butter-melting controversy. Question is, shall it be Butterine or +Margarine? The usually hostile camps streaked with enemies. A Noble Lord, +who stands stoutly for Butterine, finds himself seated with another Peer, +who swears by Margarine, and _vice versa_. When division comes there is +woful cross-voting. It is BASING who appropriately brings on subject, and +WEMYSS who moves that the compound be called Butterine, instead of +Margarine. Everyone in high spirits, sustained by a free collation, served +out at the door. This attraction rather militated against full success of +debate. Noble Lords "asking for more," of course having to linger outside +till they'd eaten it. BASING (long known to us as SCLATER-BOOTH) revelled +in his subject, and thanked the Markiss he was made a Peer in time to take +part in discussion. ARGYLL brought his massive mind to bear on Butterine; +GRANVILLE toyed with the subject; and WEMYSS was more than usually +emphatic. BRAMWELL had promised to speak for Butterine. Place empty when +turn came. + +"Where's BRAMWELL? He should be up next," said WEMYSS. + +"Ah," said ROSEBERY, + + "Would you know where last I saw him, + He was eating bread and butterine." + +Messengers despatched to corridor and BRAMWELL brought in with his mouth +full. A stirring debate, but Butterine was nowhere. BRAMWELL having +demonstrated Margarine was "not the correct name for the substitute known +as Butterine," their Lordships by large majority voted for Margarine. + +_Business done._--In Commons Land Bill again. + + * * * * * + +A NEW WERSION OF AN OLD SONG. + +(_By a thorough Port-soakian._) + + The LORD MARE leads an appy life, + He has no cares of party strife, + He drinks the best of hevry wine, + I wish the LORD MARE'S lot was mine. + + And, yet all appy's not his lot, + Although he has his title got; + He hardly once alone can dine-- + would not that his lot was mine. + + A Alderman more pleases me, + He leads a life of jollitee: + He nobly dines, has naught to pay, + And has his health drunk ev'ry day. + + And though he has to sham delite + At weary speeches nite by nite, + And to administer the Law + Without no blunders or no flaw, + + Still, though I but a Waiter be, + The LORD MARE'S life would not suit me, + But, while I drains my flowing can, + I'll fancy I'm a Alderman! + + ROBERT. + + * * * * * + +POETRY OF PARLIAMENT.--A debate in the House of Commons corresponding to +the verse named Alexandrine--"Which, like a wounded snake, drags its slow +length along." + + * * * * * + +SEASONABLE FIELD-SPORT.--Leather-hunting. + + * * * * * + +NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed +Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be +returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, +Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception. + + + + +*** Transcriber's Note: "I" inserted into the beginning of the last line of +the sixth stanza of "Glass Falling", page 66.*** + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume +93, August 13, 1887, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LONDON CHARIVARI, VOLUME 93 *** + +***** This file should be named 25361.txt or 25361.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/5/3/6/25361/ + +Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Matt Whittaker, +Malcolm Farmer and the Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. |