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diff --git a/24560.txt b/24560.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9a3937f --- /dev/null +++ b/24560.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2898 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Jingle Book, by Carolyn Wells + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Jingle Book + +Author: Carolyn Wells + +Illustrator: Oliver Herford + +Release Date: February 9, 2008 [EBook #24560] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE JINGLE BOOK *** + + + + +Produced by Anne Storer and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + THE JINGLE BOOK + + + * * * * * + + + The Tutor + + + A tutor who tooted the flute + Tried to teach two young tooters to toot. + Said the two to the tutor, + "Is it harder to toot, or + To tutor two tooters to toot?" + + [Illustration] + + + * * * * * + + + THE JINGLE BOOK + + BY + CAROLYN WELLS + + + Pictured by + OLIVER HERFORD + + + + New York + THE MACMILLAN COMPANY + LONDON: MACMILLAN & CO., LTD. + 1901 + + _All rights reserved_ + + + * * * * * + + + COPYRIGHT, 1899, + BY THE MACMILLAN COMPANY. + + + Set up and electrotyped October, 1899. + Reprinted November, 1899; June, 1901. + + + * * * * * + + + To Hilda's Child + + + * * * * * + + + CONTENTS + + + THE TUTOR _Frontispiece_ + PAGE + A SERIOUS QUESTION 1 + TWO OLD KINGS 2 + A DAY DREAM 5 + OUR CLUB 7 + PUZZLED 9 + AN INTERCEPTED VALENTINE 11 + A LONG-FELT WANT 13 + THE MUSICAL CARP 14 + THE INTELLIGENT HEN 15 + THE HAPPY HYENA 17 + A GREAT LADY 18 + OPULENT OLLIE 20 + THE TWO BEARS 21 + THE MACARONI MAN 24 + THE 4.04 TRAIN 29 + A VALUABLE GIFT 30 + THE GRANDILOQUENT GOAT 32 + HOW THE CAT WAS BELLED 33 + TRIANGULAR TOMMY 40 + A MODERN INVENTION 45 + AN APRIL JOKE 46 + AN ALICE ALPHABET 48 + THE FUNNY KITTENS 57 + THE STRIKE OF THE FIREWORKS 60 + THE ARCH ARMADILLO 63 + A DREAM LESSON 64 + THE RIVALS 68 + THE NEW CUP 70 + A PHOTOGRAPHIC FAILURE 71 + CHRISTMAS GIFTS 73 + YOUNG AMERICA 74 + A BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO 75 + DOROTHY'S OPINION 77 + ROLY POLY ROY 79 + MY BAROMETER 85 + THE BUTTER BETTY BOUGHT 86 + A MARVEL 87 + AN ALPHABET ZOO 88 + FOUND WANTING 94 + A TRAGIC TALE OF TEA 96 + THE ERRATIC RAT 97 + THE TWO FRIENDS 99 + THE SMILING SHARK 102 + THE MERCURY'S PLAINT 103 + THE PIRATE POODLE 105 + AN OLD LOVE 107 + BOBBY'S POCKET 109 + THE INSTRUCTIPHONE 112 + THE LAY OF THE LADY LORRAINE 115 + + + * * * * * + + + The Jingle Book + + + * * * * * + + + A Serious Question + + + [Illustration] + + A kitten went a-walking + One morning in July, + And idly fell a-talking + With a great big butterfly. + + The kitten's tone was airy, + The butterfly would scoff; + When there came along a fairy + Who whisked his wings right off. + + And then--for it is written + Fairies can do such things-- + Upon the startled kitten + She stuck the yellow wings. + + [Illustration] + + The kitten felt a quiver, + She rose into the air, + Then flew down to the river + To view her image there. + + With fear her heart was smitten, + And she began to cry, + "Am I a butter-kitten? + Or just a kitten-fly?" + + + + + Two Old Kings + + + [Illustration] + + Oh! the King of Kanoodledum + And the King of Kanoodledee, + They went to sea + In a jigamaree-- + A full-rigged jigamaree. + + And one king couldn't steer, + And the other, no more could he; + So they both upset + And they both got wet, + As wet as wet could be. + + [Illustration] + + And one king couldn't swim + And the other, he couldn't, too; + So they had to float, + While their empty boat + Danced away o'er the sea so blue. + + Then the King of Kanoodledum + He turned a trifle pale, + And so did he + Of Kanoodledee, + But they saw a passing sail! + + And one king screamed like fun + And the other king screeched like mad, + And a boat was lowered + And took them aboard; + And, my! but those kings were glad! + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Day Dream + + + Polly's patchwork--oh, dear me!-- + Truly is a sight to see. + Rumpled, crumpled, soiled, and frayed-- + Will the quilt be ever made? + See the stitches yawning wide-- + Can it be that Polly _tried_? + + Some are right and some are wrong, + Some too short and some too long, + Some too loose and some too tight; + Grimy smudges on the white, + And a tiny spot of red, + Where poor Polly's finger bled. + Strange such pretty, dainty blocks-- + Bits of Polly's summer frocks-- + Should have proved so hard to sew, + And the cause of so much woe! + + One day it was _very_ hot, + And the thread got in a knot, + Drew the seam up in a heap-- + Polly calmly fell asleep. + Then she had a lovely dream; + Straight and even was the seam, + Pure and spotless was the white; + All the blocks were finished quite-- + Each joined to another one. + Lo, behold! the quilt was done,-- + Lined and quilted,--and it seemed + To cover Polly as she dreamed! + + + + + Our Club + + + We're going to have the mostest fun! + It's going to be a club; + And no one can belong to it + But Dot and me and Bub. + + [Illustration] + + We thought we'd have a Reading Club, + But couldn't 'cause, you see, + Not one of us knows how to read-- + Not Dot nor Bub nor me. + + And then we said a Sewing Club, + But thought we'd better not; + 'Cause none of us knows how to sew-- + Not me nor Bub nor Dot. + + And so it's just a Playing Club, + We play till time for tea; + And, oh, we have the bestest times! + Just Dot and Bub and me. + + + + + Puzzled + + + There lived in ancient Scribbletown a wise old writer-man, + Whose name was Homer Cicero Demosthenes McCann. + He'd written treatises and themes till, "For a change," he said, + "I think I'll write a children's book before I go to bed." + + [Illustration] + + He pulled down all his musty tomes in Latin and in Greek; + Consulted cyclopaedias and manuscripts antique, + Essays in Anthropology, studies in counterpoise-- + "For these," he said, "are useful lore for little girls and boys." + + He scribbled hard, and scribbled fast, he burned the midnight oil, + And when he reached "The End" he felt rewarded for his toil; + He said, "This charming Children's Book is greatly to my credit." + And now he's sorely puzzled that no child has ever read it. + + + + + [Illustration] + + An Intercepted Valentine + + + Little Bo-Peep, will you be mine? + I want you for my Valentine. + You are my choice of all the girls, + With your blushing cheeks and your fluttering curls, + With your ribbons gay and your kirtle neat, + None other is so fair and sweet. + Little Bo-Peep, let's run away, + And marry each other on Midsummer Day; + And ever to you I'll be fond and true, + + Your faithful Valentine, + LITTLE BOY BLUE. + + + + + A Long-Felt Want + + +[Illustration] + + One day wee Willie and his dog + Sprawled on the nursery floor. + He had a florist's catalogue, + And turned the pages o'er, + + Till all at once he gave a spring, + "Hurrah!" he cried with joy; + "Mamma, here's just the very thing + To give your little boy! + + "For when we fellows go to school, + We lose our things, you know; + And in that little vestibule + They do get mixed up so. + + "And as you often say you can't + Take care of 'em for me, + Why don't you buy a _rubber plant_, + And an _umbrella tree_?" + + + + + The Musical Carp + + + There once was a corpulent carp + Who wanted to play on a harp, + But to his chagrin + So short was his fin + That he couldn't reach up to C sharp. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Intelligent Hen + + + [Illustration] + + 'Twas long ago,--a year or so,-- + In a barnyard by the sea, + That an old hen lived whom you may know + By the name of Fiddle-de-dee. + She scratched around in the sand all day, + For a lively old hen was she. + + And then do you know, it happened this way + In that barnyard by the sea; + A great wise owl came down one day, + And hooted at Fiddle-de-dee, + Just hooted at Fiddle-de-dee. + And he cried, "Hi! Hi! old hen, I say! + You're provincial, it seems to me!" + + "Why, what do you mean?" cried the old red hen, + As mad as hops was she. + "Oh, I've been 'round among great men, + In the world where the great men be. + And none of them scratch with their claws like you, + They write with a quill like me." + + Now very few people could get ahead + Of that old hen, Fiddle-de-dee. + She went and hunted the posy-bed, + And returned in triumphant glee. + And ever since then, that little red hen, + She writes with a jonquil pen, quil pen, + She writes with a jonquil pen. + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + The Happy Hyena + + + There once was a happy Hyena + Who played on an old concertina. + He dressed very well, + And in his lapel + He carelessly stuck a verbena. + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Great Lady + + + This is the Queen of Nonsense Land, + She wears her bonnet on her hand; + She carpets her ceilings and frescos her floors, + She eats on her windows and sleeps on her doors. + Oh, ho! Oh, ho! to think there could be + A lady so silly-down-dilly as she! + + She goes for a walk on an ocean wave, + She fishes for cats in a coral cave; + She drinks from an empty glass of milk, + And lines her potato trees with silk. + I'm sure that fornever and never was seen + So foolish a thing as the Nonsense Queen! + + She ordered a wig for a blue bottle fly, + And she wrote a note to a pumpkin pie; + She makes all the oysters wear emerald rings, + And does dozens of other nonsensible things. + Oh! the scatterbrained, shatterbrained lady so grand, + Her Royal Skyhighness of Nonsense Land! + + + + + Opulent Ollie + + + One Saturday opulent Ollie + Thought he'd go for a ride on the trolley; + But his pennies were few,-- + He only had two,-- + So he went and made mud-pies with Polly. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Two Bears + + + Prince Curlilocks remarked one day + To Princess Dimplecheek, + "I haven't had a real good play + For more than 'most a week." + + Said Princess Dimplecheek, "My dear, + Your majesty forgets-- + This morning we played grenadier + With grandpa's epaulets. + + "And yesterday we sailed to Spain-- + We both were pirates bold, + And braved the wild and raging main + To seek for hidden gold." + + "True," said the prince; "I mind me well-- + Right hardily we fought, + And stormed a massive citadel + To gain the prize we sought. + + "But if your ladyship agrees, + Methinks we'll go upstairs + And build a waste of arctic seas, + And we'll be polar bears." + + "Yes, if you'll promise not to bite," + Fair Dimplecheek replied, + Already half-way up the flight, + His highness by her side. + + "Princess, on that far window-seat, + Go, sit thee down and wait, + While I ask nursie for a sheet, + Or maybe six or eight." + + A pile of sheets his highness brought. + "Dear princess, pray take these; + Although our path with danger's fraught, + We'll reach the polar seas." + + Two furry rugs his lordship bore, + Two pairs of mittens white; + He threw them on the nursery floor + And shouted with delight. + + He spread those sheets--the funny boy-- + O'er table, floor, and chair. + "Princess," said he, "don't you enjoy + This frosty, bracing air? + + "These snowy sheets are fields of ice, + This is an iceberg grim." + "Yes, dear, I think it's very nice," + She said, and smiled at him. + + And then they donned the rugs of fur, + The mittens, too, they wore; + And Curlilocks remarked to her, + "Now you must roar and roar." + + [Illustration] + + Dimplecheek looked out from the cowl + Formed by her furry rug. + "I'm 'fraid of bears that only growl-- + I like the kind that hug." + + + + + The Very Merry Voyage of the Macaroni Man + + + This figure here before you is a Macaroni Man, + Who is built, as you may notice, on a most ingenious plan. + His skeleton, I beg to state, is made of hairpins three, + Which are bent and curved and twisted to a marvellous degree. + His coat-sleeves and his trouser-legs, his head and eke his waist + Are made of superfine imported macaroni paste. + And if you care to listen, you may hear the thrilling tale + Of the merry Macaroni Man's extraordinary sail. + One sunny day he started for a voyage in his yacht, + His anxious mother called to him, and said, "You'd better not! + Although the sun is shining bright, I fear that it may rain; + And don't you think, my darling boy, you'd better take the train?" + "Oh, no," said he, "no clouds I see,--the sky is blue and clear, + I will return in time for tea--good-by, my mother dear." + + [Illustration] + + Full merrily he started off, the day was fine and fair, + And to his great delight he found no dampness in the air. + You know if he gets wet, a Macaroni Man is spoiled, + And if he stands too near the steam, of course he may get boiled. + But our hero used precautions,--carefully he shunned the spray,-- + And when the steam blew toward him, he just steered the other way. + Now, as the breeze was from the land, his course lay out to sea; + He sailed so far that he felt sure he would be late for tea. + He sailed, and sailed, and sailed, and sailed,-- + he feared the dew would fall-- + He tried to turn,--but oh, that steam! it would not do at all! + + [Illustration] + + A single puff blew toward him, and it nearly cooked his face! + The mournful Macaroni Man felt sadly out of place. + But a happy thought occurred to him, "Ha, ha,--ho, ho!" said he,-- + "I'll just sail on around the world,--and then, it seems to me, + I'll reach my home (according to a careful estimate) + In time for tea, although I'll be perhaps a trifle late." + Then merrily his gallant ship sped o'er the bounding main, + Quickly he crossed the ocean wide, he flew by France and Spain; + Covered the Mediterranean, spanned the Suez Canal,-- + "I'll reach my home to-night," he thought, "oh, yes, I'm sure I shall." + He skimmed the Red Sea like a bird,--the Indian Ocean crossed + (But once, in Oceanica, he feared that he was lost). + + [Illustration] + + He passed Australia on the fly,--cut over Capricorn, + And as the sunset gun he heard, he swung around Cape Horn. + Still at full speed, he sailed due north, he rounded Cape St. Roque, + Crossed the equator, and found out the Gulf Stream was no joke. + He coasted by the seaboard States. Hurrah! all danger past, + Quickly he sailed the last few miles and reached his home at last; + His mother welcomed him, and said, "I'm glad there was no shower; + But hurry in, my bonny boy, I've waited tea an hour." + + [Illustration] + + + + + The 4.04 Train + + + "There's a train at 4.04," said Miss Jenny; + "Four tickets I'll take. Have you any?" + Said the man at the door: + "Not four for 4.04, + For four for 4.04 is too many." + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Valuable Gift + + + Old Father Time, one day + In his study, so they say, + Was indulging in a surreptitious nap, + When from his drowsy dreams + He was wakened, as it seems, + By a timid but persistent little rap. + + He yawned and rubbed his eyes + In indolent surprise, + Then slowly he arose from where he sat; + He opened wide his door, + And nearly tumbled o'er + The figure that stood waiting on the mat. + + A tiny little dog, + With excitement all agog, + And angry eyes that seemed to flash and glower. + His manner was polite, + But he said, "I claim my right! + And I've called, sir, to demand of you my hour." + + "Your what?" the old man said, + As he shook his puzzled head; + And the pertinacious puppy spoke with force: + "Well, sir, they often say, + 'Every dog must have his day,' + So a puppy ought to have an hour, of course!" + + [Illustration] + + The old man shook with glee, + But he said obligingly, + "The dog days are all gone, I grieve to say; + But since you've come so far, + And so mannerly you are, + I'll give you just an hour--to get away." + + + + + [Illustration] + + The Grandiloquent Goat + + + A very grandiloquent Goat + Sat down to a gay table d'hote; + He ate all the corks, + The knives and the forks, + Remarking: "On these things I dote." + + Then, before his repast he began, + While pausing the menu to scan, + He said: "Corn, if you please, + And tomatoes and pease, + I'd like to have served in the can." + + + + + How the Cat was Belled + + + A fable told by La Fontaine, + Two centuries or more ago, + Describes some rats who would arraign + A cat, their direst foe, + Who killed so many rats + And caused the deepest woe, + This Catiline of cats. + + The poor rats were at their wits' end + Their homes and families to defend; + And as a last resort + They took the case to court. + + It seems they called a caucus wise + Of rats of every age and size, + And then their dean, + With sapient mien, + A very Solon of a rat, + Said it was best to bell the cat. + + The quaint old tale goes on to tell + How this plan would have worked quite well, + But, somehow, flaws + Appeared, because + No one would hang the bell. + + Though there the ancient fable ends, + Later report the tale extends, + No longer is the truth withheld; + Developments appear, + And so you have it here. + For the first time + Set down in rhyme + Just how that cat was belled. + + The council, as 'twas getting late, + Was just about to separate, + When suddenly a rat arose + Who said he could a plan propose + Which would, he thought, succeed + And meet their urgent need. + + Now as this rat was very small, + And had no dignity at all, + Although his plan was well advised, + We really need not be surprised + That all the rats of riper years + Expressed the gravest doubts and fears; + Till suddenly + He said, said he, + "If you will leave it all to me, + I will avow + Three days from now + That you shall all be free." + The solemn council then adjourned. + Each rat to home and fireside turned; + But each shook his wise head + And to his neighbor said: + "It is a dangerous job, in truth, + Though it seems naught to headstrong youth." + + Now young Sir Rat we next behold, + With manner brave and visage bold, + Go marching down + To London town, + Where wondrous things are sold. + We see him stop + At a large shop, + And with the bland clerk's courteous aid + This was the purchase that he made: + A bicycle of finest make, + With modern gear and patent brake, + Pedometer, pneumatic tire, + And spokes that looked like silver wire, + A lantern bright + To shine at night, + Enamel finish, nickel plate, + And all improvements up to date. + Said sly Sir Rat: "It suits me well, + Especially that sweet-toned _bell_." + + [Illustration] + + The shades of night were falling fast + When Sir Rat turned toward home at last. + The neighbors watched him as he passed + And said: "What is that queer-shaped thing? + Surely that can't be made to ring." + Sir Rat went on, nor stayed + To hear the jests they made; + And just outside the old cat's gate + He stopped and boldly braved his fate, + For if that cat + Should smell a rat + How quickly he'd come out and catch him, + And with what gusto he'd despatch him! + Sir Rat, against the picket-fence + Leaned the machine, then hurried hence, + And hid himself with glee, + And waited breathlessly + To see what that + Cantankerous cat + Would say, when in the twilight dim + He saw that brightly shining rim. + + Sir Rat, though hidden quite, + And safely out of sight, + Had scarcely time to wink his eye, + When Mr. Cat came sauntering by. + + "Ha! Ha!" said he, + "What's this I see, + A bicycle! and just my size! + Well, this, indeed, is a surprise! + I'll confiscate + This treasure great; + How quickly I'll fly o'er the ground + When I pursue my hunting round!" + + He mounted it with eager haste, + It suited well his sporting taste; + He guided it at will, + And used the brake with skill, + He grasped the handle-bars, and then-- + You see it was his custom when + He did a thing, to do it well-- + Of course he used the clear-toned bell! + + [Illustration] + + Victory now! the deed is done! + No longer at the set of sun + The rats fly shrieking to their nests, + They saunter round with merry jests + And ne'er a thought of fear, + Knowing full well + They'll hear the bell + When Mr. Cat draws near. + + [Illustration] + + And young Sir Rat who did the deed, + Whose cleverness relieved their need, + His wondrous enterprise + Was lauded to the skies. + And everywhere his name + Was hailed with shouts of fame. + + In difficulties, oft we see + Modern improvements frequently + Will prove a happy remedy. + + + + + The Rhyme of Triangular Tommy + + + [Illustration] + + Triangular Tommy, one morning in May, + Went out for a walk on the public highway. + Just here I will say, + 'Twas a bright sunny day, + And the sky it was blue, and the grass it was green, + The same sky and grass that you've all of you seen; + And the birds in the trees sang their usual song, + And Triangular Tommy went trudging along. + + But I can tell you + He cared naught for the view. + He did just what small boys of his age always do: + He shouted out "Scat!" + At a wandering cat, + And he picked a big daisy to stick in his hat; + The clovers he topped, + And the toadstools he cropped, + And sometimes he scuffled and sometimes he hopped. + + [Illustration] + + He took an old stick and poked at a worm, + And merrily chuckled to see the thing squirm; + When he chanced to look up, and in gorgeous array + Triangular Tilly was coming his way. + Triangular Tom straightened up in a jiff, + And put on his best manner--exceedingly stiff; + And as far as his angular shape would allow + Triangular Tom made a beautiful bow. + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + Triangular Tilly went smilingly by, + With a glance that was friendly, but just a bit shy. + And Tom so admired her that after she passed, + A backward look over his shoulder he cast. + And he said, "Though I think many girls are but silly, + I really admire that Triangular Tilly." + + [Illustration] + + But soon all such thoughts were put out of his head, + For who should come by but Triangular Ted, + The very boy Tom had been wishing to see! + "Hello!" said Triangular Tommy, said he. + "Hello!" said Triangular Ted, and away + Those two children scooted to frolic and play. + And they had, on the green, + Where 'twas all dry and clean, + The best game of leap-frog that ever was seen. + Triangular Tom beat down this way, you know, + And Triangular Ted stood beside him, just so, + When one, two, three--go! + With the greatest gusto, + Ted flew over Tom in a manner not slow. + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + They played hide-and-seek, they played marbles and tag, + They played they were soldiers, and each waved a flag; + Till at last they confessed, + They wanted to rest; + So they sat down and chatted with laughter and jest; + + [Illustration] + + When Schoolmaster Jones they suddenly spied, + Come clumping along with his pedagogue stride, + As usual, with manner quite preoccupied; + With his hat on one side, + And his shoe-lace untied-- + A surly old fellow, it can't be denied; + And each wicked boy + Thought that he would enjoy + An occasion the thoughtful old man to annoy, + And all of his wise calculations destroy. + So they thought they'd employ + A means known to each boy. + And across the wide pavement they fastened a twine + Exceedingly strong but exceedingly fine; + And Triangular Tommy laughed out in his glee, + To think how upset the old master would be! + + [Illustration] + + Although very wicked, their mischievous scheme + Was a perfect success; and with a loud scream, + A horrible clash, + A thump and a smash, + Old Schoolmaster Jones came down with a crash. + His hat rolled away, and his spectacles broke, + And those dreadful boys thought it a howling good joke. + And they just doubled up in immoderate glee, + Saying, "Look at the Schoolmaster! + Tee-hee! tee-hee!" + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + Tom gave a guffaw, + And Ted roared a "haw-haw"; + But soon their diversion was turned into awe, + For old Schoolmaster Jones was angry, they saw. + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + Triangular Ted + Turned swiftly and fled, + And far down the street like a reindeer he sped, + Leaving Tommy to face the old gentleman's rage, + Who quickly jumped up,--he was brisk for his age,-- + And with just indignation portrayed on his face, + To Triangular Tommy he quickly gave chase. + + [Illustration] + + And hearing his squeals + And his frantic appeals, + Triangular Tommy fast took to his heels. + Now Tommy was agile and Tommy was spry; + He whizzed through the air--he just seemed to fly; + He rushed madly on, until, dreadful to say! + He came where the railroad was just in his way-- + And alas! and alack! + He tripped on the track + And then with a terrible, sudden ker-thwack! + Triangular Tommy sprawled flat on his back-- + And the train came along with a crash, and a crack, + A din, and a clatter, a clang, and a clack, + A toot, and a boom, and a roar, and a hiss, + And chopped him up all into pieces like this-- + If _you_ cut out papers just like them, why, then, + If you try, you can put him together again. + + [Illustration] + + + + + A Modern Invention + + + Old Santa Claus is up-to-date, + And hereafter, rumors say, + He'll come with his pack of glittering toys, + And visit the homes of girls and boys, + In a new reindeerless sleigh. + + [Illustration] + + + + + An April Joke + + + [Illustration] + + Oh, it was a merry, gladsome day, + When the April Fool met the Queen of May; + She had roguish eyes and golden hair, + And they were a mischief-making pair. + They planned the funniest kind of a joke + On the poor, long-suffering mortal folk; + And a few mysterious words he said, + His fool's cap close to her flower-crowned head. + Then he laughed till he made his cap-bells ring, + At the thought of the topsy-turvy Spring. + "'Tis a fair exchange," he said, with a wink-- + "It is!" she said, and what do you think? + The flowers that should bloom in the month of May + Every one of them came on an April day! + And they looked for April showers in vain, + But all through May it did nothing but rain! + + + + + An Alice Alphabet + + + [Illustration] + + A is for Alice a-dressing the Queen. + + [Illustration] + + B is for Borogoves, mimsy and lean. + + [Illustration] + + C is the Cheshire Cat, wearing a grin. + + [Illustration] + + D is the Duchess who had a sharp chin. + + [Illustration] + + E is the Eaglet who barred out long words. + + [Illustration] + + F, the Flamingo, the queerest of birds. + + [Illustration] + + G is the Gryphon, loquacious and gay. + + [Illustration] + + H, Humpty Dumpty in gorgeous array. + + [Illustration] + + I is for Insects with curious names. + + [Illustration] + + J is the Jabberwock burbling with flames. + + [Illustration] + + K is the King who was whizzed through the air. + + [Illustration] + + L is the Lobster who sugared his hair. + + [Illustration] + + M, the Mock Turtle, whose tears freely flowed. + + [Illustration] + + N is for Nobody seen on the road. + + [Illustration] + + O is for Oysters who trotted so quick. + + [Illustration] + + P is the Puppy who played with a stick. + + [Illustration] + + Q is the Queen who ran very fast. + + [Illustration] + + R is the Rabbit who blew a great blast. + + [Illustration] + + S is the Sheep, on her knitting intent. + + [Illustration] + + T, Tweedledum, with his noisy lament. + + [Illustration] + + U is the Unicorn, valiant in feud. + + [Illustration] + + V is the Violet, saucy and rude. + + [Illustration] + + W, the Walrus, addicted to chat. + + [Illustration] + + X, Executioner, seeking the cat. + + [Illustration] + + Y is the Youth Father William surveyed. + + [Illustration] + + Z is the Zigzag the mouse's tail made. + + + + + The Funny Kittens + + + [Illustration] + + Once there were some silly kittens, + And they knitted woolly mittens + To bestow upon the freezing Hottentots. + But the Hottentots refused them, + Saying that they never used them + Unless crocheted of red with yellow spots. + + [Illustration] + + So the silly little kittens + Took their blue and white striped mittens + To a Bear who lived within a hollow tree; + The Bear responded sadly, + "I would wear your mittens gladly, + But I fear they are too gay for such as me." + + [Illustration] + + Then the kittens, almost weeping, + Came to where a Cow lay sleeping, + And they woke her with this piteous request, + "Won't you wear our mittens furry?" + Said the Cow, "My dears, don't worry; + I will put them on as soon as I am dressed." + + [Illustration] + + Then the Cow put on her bonnet + With a wreath of roses on it, + And a beautiful mantilla fringed with white; + And she donned the pretty mittens, + While the silly little kittens + Clapped their paws in admiration at the sight. + + + + + The Strike of the Fireworks + + + 'Twas the night before the Fourth of July, the people slept serene; + The fireworks were stored in the old town hall that stood + on the village green. + The steeple clock tolled the midnight hour, and at its final stroke, + The fire in the queer old-fashioned stove lifted its voice and spoke; + "The earth and air have naught to do, the water, too, may play, + And only fire is made to work on Independence Day. + + "I won't stand such injustice! It's wrong, beyond a doubt, + And I shall take my holiday. Good-by, I'm going out!" + Up spoke a Roman candle then, "The principle is right! + Suppose we strike, and all agree we will not work to-night!" + "My stars!" said a small sky-rocket. "What an awful time there'll be, + When the whole town comes together to-night, the great display to see!" + "Let them come," said a saucy pinwheel, "yes, let them come if they like, + As a delegate I'll announce to them that the fireworks + are going to strike!" + "My friends," said a small cap-pistol, "this movement is all wrong,-- + Gunpowder, noise, and fireworks to Fourth of July belong. + My great ancestral musket made Independence Day, + I frown on your whole conspiracy, and you are wrong, I say!" + + And so they talked and they argued, some for and some against,-- + And they progressed no further than they were when they commenced. + Until in a burst of eloquence a queer little piece of punk + Arose in his place and said, "I think we ought to show some spunk. + And I for one have decided, although I am no shirk, + That to-day is a legal holiday and not even fire should work. + + "And I am of some importance,"--here he gave a pretentious cough, + "For without my assistance none of you could very well be put off." + "You are right," said the Roman candle, "and I think we are all agreed + To strike for our rights and our liberty. Hurrah! we shall succeed!" + The dissenters cried with one accord, "Our objections we withdraw. + Hurrah, hurrah for the fireworks' strike!" and they cried again, "Hurrah!" + + Then a match piped up with a tiny voice, "Your splendid scheme I like. + I agree with all your principles and so I, too, will strike!" + Suiting the action to the word, the silly little dunce + Clambered down from his matchsafe and excitedly struck at once. + He lost his head, and he ran around among the fireworks dry, + And he cried, "Hurrah for the fireworks' strike! Hurrah for the + Fourth of July!" + + With his waving flame he lit the punk--a firecracker caught a spark,-- + Then rockets and wheels and bombs went off--no longer the place was dark! + The explosions made a fearful noise, the flames leaped high and higher, + The village folk awoke and cried, "The town hall is on fire!" + So the strike of the fireworks ended in a wonderful display + Of pyrotechnic grandeur on Independence Day! + + + + + The Arch Armadillo + + + [Illustration] + + There once was an arch Armadillo + Who built him a hut 'neath a willow; + He hadn't a bed + So he rested his head + On a young Porcupine for a pillow. + + + + + A Dream Lesson + + + Once there was a little boy who wouldn't go to bed, + When they hinted at the subject he would only shake his head, + When they asked him his intentions, he informed them pretty straight + That he wouldn't go to bed at all, and Nursey needn't wait. + + As their arguments grew stronger, and their attitude more strict, + I grieve to say that naughty boy just yelled and screamed and kicked. + And he made up awful faces, and he told them up and down + That he wouldn't go to bed for all the nurses in the town. + + Then Nursey lost her patience, and although it wasn't right, + Retorted that for all she cared he might sit up all night. + He approved of this arrangement, and he danced a jig for joy, + And turned a somersault with glee; he _was_ a naughty boy. + + And so they all went off to bed and left him sitting there, + Right in the corner by the fire in Grandpa's big armchair. + He read his books and played his games,--he even sang a song + And thought how lovely it would be to sit up all night long. + + [Illustration] + + But soon his games grew stupid, and his puzzles wouldn't work; + He drew himself up stiffly with a sudden little jerk, + And he said, "I am not sleepy, and I love to play alone-- + And--I--think--" the rest was mumbled in a drowsy monotone. + + He leaned back on the cushions like that night he had the croup; + His head began to wobble and his eyes began to droop; + He closed them for a minute, just to see how it would seem, + And straightway he was sound asleep, and dreamed this awful dream! + + He thought he saw a garden filled with flowers and roses gay, + A great big gardener with a hoe came walking down his way; + "Ah, ha!" exclaimed the gardener, as he clutched him by the head, + "Here's a fine specimen I've found; I'll plant him in this bed!" + + [Illustration] + + He held the boy in one big hand, unheeding how he cried, + And with the other dug a hole enormous, deep, and wide. + He jammed the little fellow in, and said in gruffest tone, + "This is the bed for naughty boys who won't go to their own." + + And then the dirt was shovelled in,--it covered up his toes, + His ankles, knees, and waist and arms, and higher yet it rose. + For still the gardener shovelled on, not noticing his cries; + It came up to his chin and mouth--it almost reached his eyes; + + Just then he gathered all his strength and gave an awful scream, + And woke himself, and put an end to that terrific dream. + And he said, as Nursey tucked him up and bade him snugly rest, + "When I am planted in a bed, I like my own the best." + + + + + The Rivals + + + [Illustration] + + Two well-built men, neither giant nor dwarf, + Were Monsieur Elims and Mynheer Nworf. + They lived in a town not far away, + And spent their time in work and play. + Now Monsieur Elims was loved by all-- + By rich and poor, by great and small. + And Mynheer Nworf remarked one day, + "Brother, explain to me, I pray, + Why no one likes me as well as you, + No matter what I may say or do. + I have stores of knowledge packed in my head; + I am learned and wise and very well read; + I can dance, I can sing, I'm extremely polite; + I am worth a large fortune all in my own right. + But still,--and this question has caused me much thought,-- + While I am neglected, you're everywhere sought." + Monsieur Elims replied: "My dear sir, that is true, + But you see, I am I, and you see, you are you. + If I receive praises and you receive blame, + 'Tis doubtless because each lives up to his name." + + You'll find his defence rather puzzling, I fear; + But read their names backward--the meaning is clear. + + + + + The New Cup + + + "I've a lovely new cup from Uncle John," + Said Dorothy; "only see-- + It has beautiful golden letters on, + And they spell '_Remember Me_.'" + + "Oho!" laughed Fred. "Why, Dorothy dear, + They put that on mugs and plates: + _I_'ve studied jography 'most a year, + And I know the names of the States. + + And when you see that anywhere,-- + At least, since this fuss with Spain,-- + It's the President who puts it there, + And it means 'Remember the Maine'!" + + + + + A Photographic Failure + + + [Illustration] + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Saw a patient Periwinkle + With a kodak, sitting idly by a rill. + Feeling a desire awaken + For to have his picture taken, + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle stood stock-still. + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Felt his brow begin to wrinkle, + And his pose assume a sad and solemn style; + But the Periwinkle trusted, + As the focus he adjusted, + That his customer would kindly try to smile. + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Felt his eyes begin to twinkle, + And his mouth took on a broad and open grin; + Said the Periwinkle, sadly, + "If you stretch your jaw so madly, + I fear perhaps that I shall tumble in." + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Felt his hair begin to crinkle, + As it rose up on his forehead in affright; + Though his comrade spoke so mildly, + Mr. Hinkle wondered wildly, + How he could escape this dire and awful plight. + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Said, "I fear it's going to sprinkle, + And really for a storm I'm not prepared." + Then without a further warning + He politely said, "Good morning," + And the patient Periwinkle stood and stared. + + [Illustration] + + + + + Christmas Gifts + + + Ten Christmas presents standing in a line; + Robert took the bicycle, then there were nine. + Nine Christmas presents ranged in order straight; + Bob took the steam engine, then there were eight. + Eight Christmas presents--and one came from Devon; + Robbie took the jackknife, then there were seven. + Seven Christmas presents direct from St. Nick's; + Bobby took the candy box, then there were six. + Six Christmas presents, one of them alive; + Rob took the puppy dog, then there were five. + Five Christmas presents yet on the floor; + Bobbin took the soldier cap, then there were four. + Four Christmas presents underneath the tree; + Bobbet took the writing desk, then there were three. + Three Christmas presents still in full view; + Robin took the checker board, then there were two. + Two Christmas presents, promising fun, + Bobbles took the picture book, then there was one. + One Christmas present--and now the list is done; + Bobbinet took the sled, and then there were none. + And the same happy child received every toy, + So many nicknames had one little boy. + + + + + Young America + + + [Illustration] + + Wee Willie sat a-thinking, + And he shook his curly head. + Around him on the nursery floor + His treasures lay outspread. + + Firecrackers and torpedoes, + Trumpet and flag and drum, + Rockets and pinwheels and paper caps, + For Fourth of July had come. + + "But it makes me sort o' sorry," + Wee Willie said with a sigh, + "To think of those poor little English boys + Without any Fourth of July." + + + + + A Bicycle built for Two + + + There was an ambitious young eel + Who determined to ride on a wheel; + But try as he might, + He couldn't ride right, + In spite of his ardor and zeal. + + If he sat on the saddle to ride + His tail only pedalled one side; + And I'm sure you'll admit + That an eel _couldn't_ sit + On a bicycle saddle astride. + + Or if he hung over the top, + He could go, but he never could stop; + For of course it is clear + He had no way to steer, + And under the wheel he would flop. + + His neighbor, observing the fun, + Said, "I think that the thing can be done, + If you'll listen to me, + You'll quickly agree + That two heads are better than one. + + "And this is my project, old chap, + Around our two waists I will wrap + This beautiful belt + Of bottle-green felt + And fasten it firm with a strap." + + [Illustration] + + This done, with a dignified mien + The two squirmed up on the machine, + And rode gayly away, + Or at least, so they say, + Who witnessed the wonderful scene. + + + + + [Illustration] + + Dorothy's Opinion + + + Mamma has bought a calendar, + And every single page + Has pictures on of little girls + 'Most just about my age. + + And when she bought it yesterday, + Down at the big bazaar, + She said, "What lovely little girls, + How true to life they are." + + But I don't think they're true to life, + And I'll just tell you why; + They never have a rumpled frock + Or ribbon bow awry. + + And though they play with cats and dogs, + And rabbits and white mice, + And sail their boats and fly their kites, + They always look so nice. + + And I am sure no little girl + That ever _I_ have seen, + Could play with dogs or sail a boat + And keep her frock so clean. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Roll of Roly Poly Roy + + + [Illustration] + + Once on a time a lad I knew-- + His sister called him Bubby; + His cheeks were red, his eyes were blue, + And he was plump and chubby. + Indeed, he was so stout a boy, + Some called him Roly Poly Roy; + They called him that + For he was fat + And very plump and chubby. + + [Illustration] + + He caused his father grief profound, + And made his mother worry, + Because he'd roll along the ground + When he was in a hurry. + For as he couldn't see his toes, + He often tumbled on his nose; + So, on the whole, + 'Twas best to roll + When he was in a hurry. + + "Get up!" the people urged, but he + Replied, "There's no use talking; + I roll around because, you see, + It's easier than walking." + And though it looked extremely droll + To see the lad lie down and roll, + It was, forsooth, + For that fat youth + Far easier than walking. + + [Illustration] + + One day he thought he'd try to ride; + Alas, he was so bulky, + He tumbled off the other side, + Which made him rather sulky. + He heard his comrades jeer and scoff, + Again he tried and tumbled off, + And when he fell + They'd shout and yell-- + Of course it made him sulky. + + Just out of town there was a place + With rolling ground and hilly, + And here Roy started for a race + With Dick and Tom and Willy. + You'll know of course before you're told + That Roy just laid him down and rolled; + And so, you see, + He easily + Beat Dick and Tom and Willy. + + That day two giants came along + From Huncamunca Valley, + Seeking some tenpins good and strong + For their new bowling alley. + They reached the hilly sort of place + Just as our hero won the race; + "Look at him roll!" + They said. "He'll bowl + On our new bowling alley. + + "The other boys are squarely built; + For tenpins they'll do finely! + No matter if a few get kilt," + And then they smiled benignly. + Quickly they kidnapped ten small boys, + All howling with a fearful noise; + They took them all, + And Roy for ball, + And then they smiled benignly. + + [Illustration] + + They hurried to their home and then + Began their barbarous bowling. + They set in rows the children ten + And then set Roy a-rolling. + But as the giants were strong and great, + They shot poor Roy at such a rate, + And with such might, + That out of sight + Poor Roy was set a-rolling. + + [Illustration] + + He rolled and rolled and rolled and rolled, + But soon, his fears dispelling, + With happiness he did behold + He'd safely reached his dwelling. + Secure and safe from further harms, + His mother caught him in her arms, + And said with joy, + "My darling boy, + You've safely reached your dwelling." + + Now rolling seems to him to be + More dangerous than walking. + And Roly Poly Roy you'll see + Along the sidewalks stalking. + He'll always have a certain fear + That giants may be lurking near, + And so he'll go + With motion slow + Along the sidewalk stalking. + + [Illustration] + + + + + My Barometer + + + [Illustration] + + My little maid with golden hair + Comes each morning for a kiss; + And I know the day will be fine and fair + When Polly looks like this. + + [Illustration] + + Or I know the clouds will frown and lower, + The skies will be dull and gray, + And perhaps there'll be a passing shower, + When Polly looks this way. + + [Illustration] + + But a violent storm of rain or snow + I can prognosticate, + For the sign will never fail, I know, + When this is Polly's pate. + + + + + The Butter Betty Bought + + + Betty Botta bought some butter; + "But," said she, "this butter's bitter! + If I put it in my batter + It will make my batter bitter. + But a bit o' better butter + Will but make my batter better." + Then she bought a bit o' butter + Better than the bitter butter, + Made her bitter batter better. + So 'twas better Betty Botta + Bought a bit o' better butter. + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Marvel + + + An old astronomer there was + Who lived up in a tower, + Named Ptolemy Copernicus + Flammarion McGower. + He said: "I can prognosticate + With estimates correct; + And when the skies I contemplate, + I know what to expect. + When dark'ning clouds obscure my sight, + I think perhaps 'twill rain; + And when the stars are shining bright, + I know 'tis clear again." + And then abstractedly he scanned + The heavens, hour by hour, + Old Ptolemy Copernicus + Flammarion McGower. + + + + + An Alphabet Zoo + + + A was an apt Alligator, + Who wanted to be a head-waiter; + He said, "I opine + In that field I could shine, + Because I am such a good skater." + + B was a beggarly Bear, + Who carefully curled his front hair; + He said, "I would buy + A red-spotted tie,-- + But I haven't a penny to spare." + + C was a cool Chimpanzee, + Who went to an afternoon tea. + When they said, "Will you take + A caraway cake?" + He greedily took twenty-three! + + D was a diligent Doe, + In summer she shovelled the snow; + In the spring and the fall + She did nothing at all, + And in winter the grass she would mow. + + E was an erudite Ermine, + Who tried very hard to determine + If he _should_ earn a cent, + How it ought to be spent, + And decided to purchase a sermon. + + F was a fussy Flamingo, + Who remarked to his family, "By jingo! + I think I would go + To that animal show, + But they all talk such barbarous lingo." + + G was a giddy Gazelle, + Who never could learn how to spell; + But she managed to pass + To the head of her class, + Because she did fractions so well. + + H was a haughty young Hawk, + Who affected society talk; + But when introduced + At a large chicken roost + He excitedly screamed out, "Oh, Lawk!" + + I was an idle Iguana, + Who lived upon curried banana; + With tears he'd protest + That he never could rest + Till he learned to sing "Eileen Alanna." + + J was a jimp Jaguar, + Who purchased a Spanish guitar; + He played popular airs + At _fetes_ and at fairs, + And down at the Fancy Bazaar. + + K was a kind Kangaroo, + Whose bonnet was always askew; + So they asked her to wait + While they put it on straight + And fastened it firmly with glue. + + L was a lachrymose Leopard, + Who ate up twelve sheep and a shepherd, + But the real reason why + He continued to cry + Was his food was so lavishly peppered. + + M was a mischievous Marten, + Who went to the Free Kindergarten; + When they asked him to plat + A gay-colored mat, + He tackled the job like a Spartan. + + N was a naughty Nylghau, + Who wandered too near a buzz saw. + It cut off his toes, + And the shrieks that arose + Filled all of the neighbors with awe. + + O was an ossified Oyster, + Who decided to enter a cloister. + He could not return, + So continued to yearn + For his home in the sea, which was moister. + + P was a poor old Poll Parrot, + Who had nothing to eat but a carrot, + And nothing to wear + But a wig of red hair, + And nowhere to live but a garret. + + Q was a querulous Quab + Who at every trifle would sob; + He said, "I detest + To wear a plaid vest, + And I hate to eat corn from the cob!" + + R was a rollicking Ram, + Attired in an old pillow sham. + When asked if he'd call + At the masquerade ball, + He said, "I'll go just as I am." + + S was a shy Salamander, + Who slept on a sunny veranda. + She calmly reposed, + But, alas! while she dozed + They caught her and killed her and canned her. + + T was a tidy young Tapir, + Who went out to bring in the paper; + And when he came back + He made no muddy track, + For he wiped his feet clean on the scraper. + + U was a young Unicorn, + The bravest that ever was born. + They bought him a boat + And they set him afloat, + And straightway he sailed for Cape Horn. + + V was a vigorous Vulture, + Who taught animals physical culture; + When a pupil dropped dead, + The kind teacher said, + "You needn't consider sepulture." + + W was a wild Worm, + All day he did nothing but squirm. + They sent him to school, + But he broke every rule, + And left at the end of the term. + + X was a Xiphias brave, + Who lived on the crest of the wave. + To each fish he would say, + "Good day, sir, good day!" + And then a polite bow he gave. + + Y was a young Yellowhammer, + Who raised a ridiculous clamor; + And he chattered until + An owl said, "Keep still! + I'm trying to study my grammar." + + Z was a zealous old Zibet, + Toboggans he tried to prohibit. + If any one tried + To take a sly slide, + He ordered him hanged on a gibbet. + + + + + Found Wanting + + + [Illustration] + + There lived a wondrous sculptor once, a genius in his way, + Named Phidias Praxiteles Canova Merryday. + He sat within his studio and said, "I really must + Begin a Rhodian anaglyptic ceroplastic bust. + + "My customers demand them, their fame rings near and far, + But then, alas, the trouble is, I don't know what they are. + Though I could carve a Venus or a Belvedere with ease, + My wondrous skill is lacking when it comes to carving these. + + "I cast and cut and chisel, I model and I mould, + I copy poses picturesque from studies new and old; + In marble, bronze, and potter's clay, in wax and wood and stone + I carve the old-time statues with improvements of my own. + + [Illustration] + + "I have Apollo on a horse, Minerva on a wheel, + Hercules going fishing with his basket and his creel. + A Mercury on roller-skates, Diana with a hat, + And Venus playing tennis with Achilles at the bat. + + "Yet these my customers pass by, and ask with interest keen, + For things with long and tiresome names,--I don't know what they mean. + And so I let my hammers hang, and let my chisels rust, + For I cannot do an anaglyptic ceroplastic bust." + + + + + A Tragic Tale of Tea + + + [Illustration] + + The Beetle was blind, and the Bat was blinder, + And they went to take tea with the Scissors-grinder. + The Scissors-grinder had gone away + Across the ocean to spend the day; + But he'd tied his bell to the grapevine swing. + The Bat and the Beetle heard it ring, + And neither the Beetle nor Bat could see + Why no one offered them any tea. + So, polite and patient, they're waiting yet + For the cup of tea they expect to get. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Erratic Rat + + + [Illustration] + + There was a ridiculous Rat + Who was awfully puffy and fat. + "I'll carry," he said, + "This plate on my head, + 'Twill answer in place of a hat." + + [Illustration] + + And then he remarked with a frown, + "I suppose that I must have a gown; + I'll make me a kilt + Of this old crazy-quilt, + To wear when I'm going to town. + + "And of course, though the weather is warm, + It may be there'll come up a storm; + An umbrella I'll make + Of a caraway cake, + It'll match with my whole uniform. + + And I'll carry a bottle of ink + In case I should wish for a drink; + And this flat-iron so sweet + I'll take with me to eat, + And now I am ready, I think." + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + The Two Friends + + + A Spider and a Centipede went out to take a walk; + The Centipede said frankly, "I will listen while you talk, + But I may appear distracted, or assume a vacant stare, + Because to keep my feet in step requires my constant care." + + Said the Spider: "I appreciate your most peculiar case, + And your feet must be quite handy when you want to run a race; + But though you gain in some ways, in some other ways you lose; + And, of course, my friend, you must be quite extravagant in shoes." + + "Ah! yes. Ah! yes," a heavy sigh escaped the Centipede; + "And I have other trials, too;--my life is hard indeed! + Why, sometimes when I'm very tired, a long, long time it takes + To ascertain with certainty which foot it is that aches. + + "And when I go to dancing-class on Saturdays at three, + I find the First Position very difficult for me. + Though I put my best foot foremost, and good time I try to keep, + To my chagrin, I often find a foot or two asleep. + + Athletics I attempted, but, alas! I must admit + That every exercise I tried I put my foot in it. + I think I'll join a foot-ball team,--as many friends suggest,-- + Before I've one foot in the grave and gout in all the rest. + + But now I'll say good-morning; for, my friend, I have to stop + To get my boots blacked neatly at this little boot-black's shop; + And, as you may imagine, it will keep me here some time, + But, what is worse, I'll have to pay him many a hard-earned dime." + + The Spider said good-morning, and pursued his way alone, + And as he went he murmured, in a thoughtful undertone: + "I'm a happy little Spider, and I'm very glad indeed, + That I was born an octoped and not a centipede!" + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Smiling Shark + + + There was an old Shark with a smile + So broad you could see it a mile. + He said to his friends, + As he sewed up the ends, + "It was really too wide for the style." + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Mercury's Plaint + + + [Illustration] + + I don't know why I'm slandered so, + If I go high,--if I go low,-- + There's always some one who will say, + "Just see that mercury to-day!" + And whether toward the top I crawl + Or down toward zero I may fall, + They always fret, and say that I + Am far too low or far too high. + Although I try with all my might, + I never seem to strike it right. + Now I admit it seems to me + They show great inconsistency. + But _they_ imply _I_ am to blame; + Of course that makes my anger flame, + And in a fiery fit of pique + I stay at ninety for a week. + Or sometimes in a dull despair, + I give them just a frigid stare; + And as upon their taunts I think + My spirits down to zero sink. + Mine is indeed a hopeless case; + To strive to please the human race! + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Pirate Poodle + + + Once there was a Pirate Poodle, + And he sailed the briny seas + From the land of Yankee Doodle + Southward to the Caribbees. + + [Illustration] + + He would boast with tales outlandish, + Of his valor and renown; + And his cutlass he would brandish + With a fearful pirate frown. + + So ferocious was his manner + All his crew looked on, aghast; + And his fearful pirate banner + Floated from his pirate mast. + + He reiterated proudly + Naught had power to make him quail; + Yet when thunder roared _too_ loudly + He would turn a trifle pale. + + And he turned a little paler + When there came a sudden squall; + For this funny little sailor + Was ridiculously small. + + [Illustration] + + And whene'er a storm portended + He'd betake himself below. + So much fear and courage blended + Did a pirate ever show? + + + + + [Illustration] + + An Old Love + + + Priscilla, Auntie's promised me + A brand-new Paris doll; + And though I love you, yet you see + I cannot keep you all. + + Nursey declares I really must + Throw one of you away; + And you're the oldest, so I trust + You will not care to stay. + + You've lost an arm, your dress is torn, + Your wig is all awry; + Priscilla, you are so forlorn, + We'll have to say good-by. + + And yet--oh, don't! my dolly dear, + _Don't_ look so sad, I pray! + You precious dolly, come right here, + You _shan't_ be thrown away! + + You're ragged, yes, and lame and blind, + You're really but a wreck; + But, dear Priscilla, never mind, + _I_ do not care a speck. + + Your eyes do nicely when they're shut, + And I can mend the rest; + Well--p'raps I'll love the new one--but + I'll always love _you_ best. + + + + + Bobby's Pocket + + + Our Bobby is a little boy, of six years old, or so; + And every kind of rubbish in his pocket he will stow. + + One day he thought he'd empty it (so he again could stock it); + And here's an alphabet of what was found in Bobby's pocket. + + A was a rosy Apple, with some bites out, here and there; + B was a bouncing rubber Ball that bounded in the air. + + C was a crispy crusty Cake with citron on the top; + D was a dancing Donkey that could jump around and hop. + + E was a little robin's Egg, all speckled blue and brown; + F was a fluffy Feather that was white and soft as down. + + G was a lively Grasshopper, whose legs and wings were green; + H was a grimy Handkerchief that once perhaps was clean. + + I was a plaster Image that had lost its plaster head; + J was a jolly Jumping-Jack all painted blue and red. + + K was a keen and shining Knife, 'twould cut the toughest bark; + L was a little wooden Lion, strayed out of Noah's Ark. + + M was a Marble, large and round, with colors bright and clear; + N was a bent and rusty Nail, of little use, I fear. + + O was a tiny Oil-can, which was always upside down; + P was a Penny Bob had saved to spend some day in town. + + Q was a Quilted ear-tab, which had lost its velvet mate; + R was a Ring with a glassy gem of wondrous size and weight. + + S was a String, a piece of Soap, a Stone, a Sponge, a Stick; + T was a lump of Taffy, exceeding soft and thick. + + U, an Umbrella-handle, of silver-mounted horn; + V was a comic Valentine, a little creased and worn. + + W was some sticky Wax, lovely to pinch and mould; + X was an old Xpress receipt, worn out in every fold. + + Y was a lot of Yellow Yarn, all bunched up like a mop; + Z was a jagged piece of Zinc, found in a plumber's shop. + + All these are Bob's possessions; he loves every single thing; + And owning all these treasures he's as happy as a King! + + + + + The Instructiphone + + + [Illustration] + + There was a youthful genius once, a boy of thirteen years, + Named Cyrus Franklin Edison Lavoisier De Squeers. + To study he was not inclined, for fun he had a bent; + But there was just one article he wanted to invent. + + "It's a sort of a contraption which will work itself," he said, + "And, without studying, will put my lessons in my head." + He thought and puzzled o'er his plan, he worked with might and main + To utilize the wondrous schemes within his fertile brain: + + Until at last the thing was done, and to his friends said he: + "It is the wonder of the age! Success I can foresee! + My great invention is complete, and--'tis no idle vaunt-- + I'm sure that my Instructiphone will fill a long-felt want. + + "The action is quite simple--I will try to make it clear: + This funnel-shaped receiver I apply to my left ear; + Then in this hopper I will put whate'er I wish to learn-- + A page of history or of Greek,--and then this crank I'll turn. + + "The topic goes into this tube, a sort of phonograph + Which acts directly on my mind,--it _does_, you needn't laugh! + I do not have to think at all, for, as I pull this chain, + My wonderful machine transmits the knowledge to my brain." + + The plan was good, the works were fine, and yet there was a flaw; + When Cyrus turned the crank around, the neighbors watched with awe. + He confidently pulled the chain with motion quick and deft; + The knowledge entered his right ear--and came out at his left. + + He tried again,--a page of Greek; he tried a theme occult,-- + A message and an errand,--every time the same result! + Then Cyrus knew that somehow his machine had missed its aim; + For though the works ran smoothly it was always just the same. + + No matter what the book might be, or what it was about, + It would go in at one ear,--at the other 'twould come out! + So in his laboratory, baffled Cyrus sitting lone, + Strives to correct the sad defect in his Instructiphone. + + But it is my opinion, there's no fault in the machine: + The trouble is that Cyrus is like other boys I've seen. + + + + + The Lay of the Lady Lorraine + + + The Lady Lorraine was sweet and fair; + The Lady Lorraine was young; + She had wonderful eyes and glorious hair, + And a voice of a cadence rich and rare; + Oh, she was a lady beyond compare-- + By all were her praises sung, + Till valley and plain + Took up the refrain, + And rang with the praise of the Lady Lorraine. + + And besides all charms of form and face, + There were other attractions about Her Grace; + Besides her delicate, lily-white hands, + She had rolling acres and broad, rich lands; + Besides her patrician coat of arms, + She had far-reaching forests and fertile farms; + And of many an ancient and wide domain + The beautiful lady was chatelaine. + So of course at her door + There were suitors galore; + They came by the dozen, and came by the score. + + [Illustration] + + They came in droves, and they came in hordes, + Titled nobility,--princes, lords, + Dukes and marquises, viscounts and peers, + Ambassadors, marshals, grandees, grenadiers, + Barons and baronets, earls, and esquires, + Illustrious sons of illustrious sires: + But 'twas ever in vain + They sought to attain + The heart and the hand of the Lady Lorraine. + And day after day + They turned sadly away; + For the Lady Lorraine continued to say, + Decidedly, certainly, stubbornly, "Nay!" + She cared not for wreaths of laurel or bay, + Their titles or rent rolls or uniforms gay, + Their medals or ribbons or gaudy display, + Their splendid equipment, demeanor, or bearing; + She observed not their manners, nor what they were wearing; + Their marvellous exploits for her had no charms: + Their prowess in tourney, their valor at arms; + Their wondrous achievements of brawn or of brain,-- + All, all were as naught to the Lady Lorraine. + To each suitor she'd say, with her hand on her heart, + "Sir, I ask of you only that you will depart." + + In vain they entreated, they begged and they plead, + They coaxed and besought, and they sullenly said + That she was hard-hearted, unfeeling, and cruel. + They challenged each other to many a duel; + They scowled and they scolded, they sulked and they sighed, + But they could not win Lady Lorraine for a bride. + + Now the reason for this, as you may have divined, + Was because in her maidenly heart was enshrined + The image of one who was just to her mind: + Who was loving and kind, + To whose faults she was blind,-- + The lord of her heart, and the love of her life, + To whom she had promised to be a fond wife. + Her Highness was happy, for even now he + Was hastening to her across the blue sea. + He had written to say he was then on the way, + And would greet his fair lady on Christmas day. + + * * * + + 'Twas Christmas eve. In the old oak hall + Preparations were made for the Christmas ball. + Gay garlands were hung from ceiling and wall; + The Yule log was laid, the tables arrayed, + And the Lady Lorraine and her whole cavalcade, + From the pompous old steward to the scullery-maid, + Were all in a fluster, + Excitement and bluster, + And everything shone with a marvellous lustre. + + [Illustration] + + Such savory viands the larders presented; + Such wondrous confections the bakers invented: + Such pasties and cates of eccentric design; + Such sparkling decanters of rarest old wine; + And ready at hand was the great wassail-bowl, + And the jolly old boar's head, with lemon, so droll. + The nook for musicians was carefully planned, + And carols and glees would be played by the band. + + [Illustration] + + At last all was ready. The workmen were done; + And awaiting the jollity, mirth, and frivolity, + The games and the dancing, the feasting and fun, + The old hall was empty,--save only for one,-- + The Lady Lorraine, who surveyed it with pride, + And said, "It is worthy of Lord Cecil's bride!" + Then a bright smile illumined her happy young face, + Her roguish eyes twinkled, and gayly Her Grace + Crossed the old polished floor with a step light and quick, + And her high slipper heels went clickety-click. + She looked cautiously round,--she was all by herself; + Like a mischievous elf, + She took from a shelf + A mistletoe spray with its berries like pearls; + Then tossing her head and shaking her curls, + In a manner half daring and yet half afraid, + The madcap maid, with a smile that betrayed + Expectant thoughts of her lover dear, + Fastened the spray to the chandelier. + + [Illustration] + + Then in a merry, fanciful mood, + Inspired by the time and the solitude, + The Lady Lorraine, + In whimsical vein, + Said, "On Christmas eve, 'neath this mistletoe bough, + I'll solemnly make an immutable vow." + With a glance at the portraits that hung on the wall, + She said, "I adjure ye to witness, all: + I vow by the names that I've long revered,-- + By my great-great-grandfather's great gray beard, + By my father's sword, by my uncle's hat, + By my spinster aunt's Angora cat, + By my ancient grandame's buckled shoes, + By my uncle Gregory's marvellous brews, + By Sir Sydney's wig, + And his ruff so big,-- + Indeed, by his whole preposterous rig,-- + By the scutcheon and crest, and all the rest + Of the signs of my house, I vow this vow: + That whoever beneath this mistletoe bough + Shall first kiss me, he--none but he-- + My partner for life shall henceforth be." + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + She had scarcely ceased when she heard a sound. + She looked around, + And, startled, found + From the old oak chimney place it came. + For there, as if in an old oak frame, + A figure quaint, yet familiar too, + Met her astonished, bewildered view. + Of aspect merry, yet something weird, + With kind blue eyes and a long white beard, + Fur-trimmed cloak, and a peaked cap, + Rosy cheeks,--a jolly old chap; + And, though surprised, she recognized + St. Nicholas, dear to her childhood days, + And she met his smile with a welcome gaze. + + The jolly old man beheld Her Grace, + With her laughing eyes and her winsome face; + He couldn't resist her,-- + Indeed, who could?-- + And he heartily kissed her + Where she stood! + And exultingly cried, "I heard your vow; + And Lady Lorraine shall be _my_ bride now!" + + [Illustration] + + The lady trembled, as in a daze; + With a startled gaze of blank amaze, + She looked at the figure who stood by her side + And audaciously claimed her for his bride. + + Then she bowed her head + And the color fled + From the cheeks that his kiss had flushed rosy red. + Her heart was filled with a sad despair + As she thought of her lover, Lord Cecil Clare, + And his dire dismay + When on Christmas day + He should ride up gayly in brave array, + And find his sweetheart stolen away. + + But the honor and pride of her race were at stake; + And for conscience' sake + She dared not break + Her solemn vow, though her heart might ache. + To be true to her word, her sire had taught her, + And she was a loyal, obedient daughter. + She appealed to the portraits of squires and dames, + Who looked sternly down from their gilded frames; + But they seemed to say, "There must ne'er be broken + A promise or vow a Lorraine has spoken." + + With stifled sighs, and with tears in her eyes, + Though she tried to assume a cheerful guise, + She turned to the suitor who stood apart, + Awaiting the gift of her hand and heart; + And she said with a gentle, dignified air: + "My heart belongs to Lord Cecil Clare; + But my fatal vow, + Though I rue it now, + I dare not break. So, at your command, + I fulfil it! On you I bestow my hand." + + "O noble lady!" her suitor cried, + "'Twas only a merry test I tried. + Full well I knew + That your heart was true. + Behold your lover, my bonny bride! + I assumed this guise for a Christmas joke." + And as he spoke, + He threw off his cloak, + He flung to the floor his peaked hood, + And a gallant knight before her stood! + + [Illustration] + + He doffed his wig and his long white beard; + All signs of St. Nicholas disappeared; + And smiling there, in the firelight's glare, + Was the gay and noble Lord Cecil Clare! + + The lady marvelled--a glad surprise + Betokened itself in her lovely eyes; + And with her merriment quite restored, + She said, "You are welcome home, my lord; + And I'm thankful, now, + That I kept my vow." + + Lord Cecil raised her hand to his lips, + And gallantly kissed her finger tips; + While the squires and dames + Looked down from their frames, + And "Bless you, my children!" they seemed to say. + Then the band appeared, and began to play; + The guests arrived, and without delay + The fun commenced, and the old oak hall + Never had known such a Christmas ball! + The feast was spread, + And the dance was led + By the knight and the lady, and every one said, + With a shout that rent the midnight air, + "Long live Lord Cecil and Lady Clare!" + + [Illustration] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Jingle Book, by Carolyn Wells + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE JINGLE BOOK *** + +***** This file should be named 24560.txt or 24560.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/5/6/24560/ + +Produced by Anne Storer and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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