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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/24560-8.txt b/24560-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..10c9694 --- /dev/null +++ b/24560-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2898 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Jingle Book, by Carolyn Wells + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Jingle Book + +Author: Carolyn Wells + +Illustrator: Oliver Herford + +Release Date: February 9, 2008 [EBook #24560] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE JINGLE BOOK *** + + + + +Produced by Anne Storer and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + THE JINGLE BOOK + + + * * * * * + + + The Tutor + + + A tutor who tooted the flute + Tried to teach two young tooters to toot. + Said the two to the tutor, + "Is it harder to toot, or + To tutor two tooters to toot?" + + [Illustration] + + + * * * * * + + + THE JINGLE BOOK + + BY + CAROLYN WELLS + + + Pictured by + OLIVER HERFORD + + + + New York + THE MACMILLAN COMPANY + LONDON: MACMILLAN & CO., LTD. + 1901 + + _All rights reserved_ + + + * * * * * + + + COPYRIGHT, 1899, + BY THE MACMILLAN COMPANY. + + + Set up and electrotyped October, 1899. + Reprinted November, 1899; June, 1901. + + + * * * * * + + + To Hilda's Child + + + * * * * * + + + CONTENTS + + + THE TUTOR _Frontispiece_ + PAGE + A SERIOUS QUESTION 1 + TWO OLD KINGS 2 + A DAY DREAM 5 + OUR CLUB 7 + PUZZLED 9 + AN INTERCEPTED VALENTINE 11 + A LONG-FELT WANT 13 + THE MUSICAL CARP 14 + THE INTELLIGENT HEN 15 + THE HAPPY HYENA 17 + A GREAT LADY 18 + OPULENT OLLIE 20 + THE TWO BEARS 21 + THE MACARONI MAN 24 + THE 4.04 TRAIN 29 + A VALUABLE GIFT 30 + THE GRANDILOQUENT GOAT 32 + HOW THE CAT WAS BELLED 33 + TRIANGULAR TOMMY 40 + A MODERN INVENTION 45 + AN APRIL JOKE 46 + AN ALICE ALPHABET 48 + THE FUNNY KITTENS 57 + THE STRIKE OF THE FIREWORKS 60 + THE ARCH ARMADILLO 63 + A DREAM LESSON 64 + THE RIVALS 68 + THE NEW CUP 70 + A PHOTOGRAPHIC FAILURE 71 + CHRISTMAS GIFTS 73 + YOUNG AMERICA 74 + A BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO 75 + DOROTHY'S OPINION 77 + ROLY POLY ROY 79 + MY BAROMETER 85 + THE BUTTER BETTY BOUGHT 86 + A MARVEL 87 + AN ALPHABET ZOO 88 + FOUND WANTING 94 + A TRAGIC TALE OF TEA 96 + THE ERRATIC RAT 97 + THE TWO FRIENDS 99 + THE SMILING SHARK 102 + THE MERCURY'S PLAINT 103 + THE PIRATE POODLE 105 + AN OLD LOVE 107 + BOBBY'S POCKET 109 + THE INSTRUCTIPHONE 112 + THE LAY OF THE LADY LORRAINE 115 + + + * * * * * + + + The Jingle Book + + + * * * * * + + + A Serious Question + + + [Illustration] + + A kitten went a-walking + One morning in July, + And idly fell a-talking + With a great big butterfly. + + The kitten's tone was airy, + The butterfly would scoff; + When there came along a fairy + Who whisked his wings right off. + + And then--for it is written + Fairies can do such things-- + Upon the startled kitten + She stuck the yellow wings. + + [Illustration] + + The kitten felt a quiver, + She rose into the air, + Then flew down to the river + To view her image there. + + With fear her heart was smitten, + And she began to cry, + "Am I a butter-kitten? + Or just a kitten-fly?" + + + + + Two Old Kings + + + [Illustration] + + Oh! the King of Kanoodledum + And the King of Kanoodledee, + They went to sea + In a jigamaree-- + A full-rigged jigamaree. + + And one king couldn't steer, + And the other, no more could he; + So they both upset + And they both got wet, + As wet as wet could be. + + [Illustration] + + And one king couldn't swim + And the other, he couldn't, too; + So they had to float, + While their empty boat + Danced away o'er the sea so blue. + + Then the King of Kanoodledum + He turned a trifle pale, + And so did he + Of Kanoodledee, + But they saw a passing sail! + + And one king screamed like fun + And the other king screeched like mad, + And a boat was lowered + And took them aboard; + And, my! but those kings were glad! + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Day Dream + + + Polly's patchwork--oh, dear me!-- + Truly is a sight to see. + Rumpled, crumpled, soiled, and frayed-- + Will the quilt be ever made? + See the stitches yawning wide-- + Can it be that Polly _tried_? + + Some are right and some are wrong, + Some too short and some too long, + Some too loose and some too tight; + Grimy smudges on the white, + And a tiny spot of red, + Where poor Polly's finger bled. + Strange such pretty, dainty blocks-- + Bits of Polly's summer frocks-- + Should have proved so hard to sew, + And the cause of so much woe! + + One day it was _very_ hot, + And the thread got in a knot, + Drew the seam up in a heap-- + Polly calmly fell asleep. + Then she had a lovely dream; + Straight and even was the seam, + Pure and spotless was the white; + All the blocks were finished quite-- + Each joined to another one. + Lo, behold! the quilt was done,-- + Lined and quilted,--and it seemed + To cover Polly as she dreamed! + + + + + Our Club + + + We're going to have the mostest fun! + It's going to be a club; + And no one can belong to it + But Dot and me and Bub. + + [Illustration] + + We thought we'd have a Reading Club, + But couldn't 'cause, you see, + Not one of us knows how to read-- + Not Dot nor Bub nor me. + + And then we said a Sewing Club, + But thought we'd better not; + 'Cause none of us knows how to sew-- + Not me nor Bub nor Dot. + + And so it's just a Playing Club, + We play till time for tea; + And, oh, we have the bestest times! + Just Dot and Bub and me. + + + + + Puzzled + + + There lived in ancient Scribbletown a wise old writer-man, + Whose name was Homer Cicero Demosthenes McCann. + He'd written treatises and themes till, "For a change," he said, + "I think I'll write a children's book before I go to bed." + + [Illustration] + + He pulled down all his musty tomes in Latin and in Greek; + Consulted cyclopædias and manuscripts antique, + Essays in Anthropology, studies in counterpoise-- + "For these," he said, "are useful lore for little girls and boys." + + He scribbled hard, and scribbled fast, he burned the midnight oil, + And when he reached "The End" he felt rewarded for his toil; + He said, "This charming Children's Book is greatly to my credit." + And now he's sorely puzzled that no child has ever read it. + + + + + [Illustration] + + An Intercepted Valentine + + + Little Bo-Peep, will you be mine? + I want you for my Valentine. + You are my choice of all the girls, + With your blushing cheeks and your fluttering curls, + With your ribbons gay and your kirtle neat, + None other is so fair and sweet. + Little Bo-Peep, let's run away, + And marry each other on Midsummer Day; + And ever to you I'll be fond and true, + + Your faithful Valentine, + LITTLE BOY BLUE. + + + + + A Long-Felt Want + + +[Illustration] + + One day wee Willie and his dog + Sprawled on the nursery floor. + He had a florist's catalogue, + And turned the pages o'er, + + Till all at once he gave a spring, + "Hurrah!" he cried with joy; + "Mamma, here's just the very thing + To give your little boy! + + "For when we fellows go to school, + We lose our things, you know; + And in that little vestibule + They do get mixed up so. + + "And as you often say you can't + Take care of 'em for me, + Why don't you buy a _rubber plant_, + And an _umbrella tree_?" + + + + + The Musical Carp + + + There once was a corpulent carp + Who wanted to play on a harp, + But to his chagrin + So short was his fin + That he couldn't reach up to C sharp. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Intelligent Hen + + + [Illustration] + + 'Twas long ago,--a year or so,-- + In a barnyard by the sea, + That an old hen lived whom you may know + By the name of Fiddle-de-dee. + She scratched around in the sand all day, + For a lively old hen was she. + + And then do you know, it happened this way + In that barnyard by the sea; + A great wise owl came down one day, + And hooted at Fiddle-de-dee, + Just hooted at Fiddle-de-dee. + And he cried, "Hi! Hi! old hen, I say! + You're provincial, it seems to me!" + + "Why, what do you mean?" cried the old red hen, + As mad as hops was she. + "Oh, I've been 'round among great men, + In the world where the great men be. + And none of them scratch with their claws like you, + They write with a quill like me." + + Now very few people could get ahead + Of that old hen, Fiddle-de-dee. + She went and hunted the posy-bed, + And returned in triumphant glee. + And ever since then, that little red hen, + She writes with a jonquil pen, quil pen, + She writes with a jonquil pen. + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + The Happy Hyena + + + There once was a happy Hyena + Who played on an old concertina. + He dressed very well, + And in his lapel + He carelessly stuck a verbena. + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Great Lady + + + This is the Queen of Nonsense Land, + She wears her bonnet on her hand; + She carpets her ceilings and frescos her floors, + She eats on her windows and sleeps on her doors. + Oh, ho! Oh, ho! to think there could be + A lady so silly-down-dilly as she! + + She goes for a walk on an ocean wave, + She fishes for cats in a coral cave; + She drinks from an empty glass of milk, + And lines her potato trees with silk. + I'm sure that fornever and never was seen + So foolish a thing as the Nonsense Queen! + + She ordered a wig for a blue bottle fly, + And she wrote a note to a pumpkin pie; + She makes all the oysters wear emerald rings, + And does dozens of other nonsensible things. + Oh! the scatterbrained, shatterbrained lady so grand, + Her Royal Skyhighness of Nonsense Land! + + + + + Opulent Ollie + + + One Saturday opulent Ollie + Thought he'd go for a ride on the trolley; + But his pennies were few,-- + He only had two,-- + So he went and made mud-pies with Polly. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Two Bears + + + Prince Curlilocks remarked one day + To Princess Dimplecheek, + "I haven't had a real good play + For more than 'most a week." + + Said Princess Dimplecheek, "My dear, + Your majesty forgets-- + This morning we played grenadier + With grandpa's epaulets. + + "And yesterday we sailed to Spain-- + We both were pirates bold, + And braved the wild and raging main + To seek for hidden gold." + + "True," said the prince; "I mind me well-- + Right hardily we fought, + And stormed a massive citadel + To gain the prize we sought. + + "But if your ladyship agrees, + Methinks we'll go upstairs + And build a waste of arctic seas, + And we'll be polar bears." + + "Yes, if you'll promise not to bite," + Fair Dimplecheek replied, + Already half-way up the flight, + His highness by her side. + + "Princess, on that far window-seat, + Go, sit thee down and wait, + While I ask nursie for a sheet, + Or maybe six or eight." + + A pile of sheets his highness brought. + "Dear princess, pray take these; + Although our path with danger's fraught, + We'll reach the polar seas." + + Two furry rugs his lordship bore, + Two pairs of mittens white; + He threw them on the nursery floor + And shouted with delight. + + He spread those sheets--the funny boy-- + O'er table, floor, and chair. + "Princess," said he, "don't you enjoy + This frosty, bracing air? + + "These snowy sheets are fields of ice, + This is an iceberg grim." + "Yes, dear, I think it's very nice," + She said, and smiled at him. + + And then they donned the rugs of fur, + The mittens, too, they wore; + And Curlilocks remarked to her, + "Now you must roar and roar." + + [Illustration] + + Dimplecheek looked out from the cowl + Formed by her furry rug. + "I'm 'fraid of bears that only growl-- + I like the kind that hug." + + + + + The Very Merry Voyage of the Macaroni Man + + + This figure here before you is a Macaroni Man, + Who is built, as you may notice, on a most ingenious plan. + His skeleton, I beg to state, is made of hairpins three, + Which are bent and curved and twisted to a marvellous degree. + His coat-sleeves and his trouser-legs, his head and eke his waist + Are made of superfine imported macaroni paste. + And if you care to listen, you may hear the thrilling tale + Of the merry Macaroni Man's extraordinary sail. + One sunny day he started for a voyage in his yacht, + His anxious mother called to him, and said, "You'd better not! + Although the sun is shining bright, I fear that it may rain; + And don't you think, my darling boy, you'd better take the train?" + "Oh, no," said he, "no clouds I see,--the sky is blue and clear, + I will return in time for tea--good-by, my mother dear." + + [Illustration] + + Full merrily he started off, the day was fine and fair, + And to his great delight he found no dampness in the air. + You know if he gets wet, a Macaroni Man is spoiled, + And if he stands too near the steam, of course he may get boiled. + But our hero used precautions,--carefully he shunned the spray,-- + And when the steam blew toward him, he just steered the other way. + Now, as the breeze was from the land, his course lay out to sea; + He sailed so far that he felt sure he would be late for tea. + He sailed, and sailed, and sailed, and sailed,-- + he feared the dew would fall-- + He tried to turn,--but oh, that steam! it would not do at all! + + [Illustration] + + A single puff blew toward him, and it nearly cooked his face! + The mournful Macaroni Man felt sadly out of place. + But a happy thought occurred to him, "Ha, ha,--ho, ho!" said he,-- + "I'll just sail on around the world,--and then, it seems to me, + I'll reach my home (according to a careful estimate) + In time for tea, although I'll be perhaps a trifle late." + Then merrily his gallant ship sped o'er the bounding main, + Quickly he crossed the ocean wide, he flew by France and Spain; + Covered the Mediterranean, spanned the Suez Canal,-- + "I'll reach my home to-night," he thought, "oh, yes, I'm sure I shall." + He skimmed the Red Sea like a bird,--the Indian Ocean crossed + (But once, in Oceanica, he feared that he was lost). + + [Illustration] + + He passed Australia on the fly,--cut over Capricorn, + And as the sunset gun he heard, he swung around Cape Horn. + Still at full speed, he sailed due north, he rounded Cape St. Roque, + Crossed the equator, and found out the Gulf Stream was no joke. + He coasted by the seaboard States. Hurrah! all danger past, + Quickly he sailed the last few miles and reached his home at last; + His mother welcomed him, and said, "I'm glad there was no shower; + But hurry in, my bonny boy, I've waited tea an hour." + + [Illustration] + + + + + The 4.04 Train + + + "There's a train at 4.04," said Miss Jenny; + "Four tickets I'll take. Have you any?" + Said the man at the door: + "Not four for 4.04, + For four for 4.04 is too many." + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Valuable Gift + + + Old Father Time, one day + In his study, so they say, + Was indulging in a surreptitious nap, + When from his drowsy dreams + He was wakened, as it seems, + By a timid but persistent little rap. + + He yawned and rubbed his eyes + In indolent surprise, + Then slowly he arose from where he sat; + He opened wide his door, + And nearly tumbled o'er + The figure that stood waiting on the mat. + + A tiny little dog, + With excitement all agog, + And angry eyes that seemed to flash and glower. + His manner was polite, + But he said, "I claim my right! + And I've called, sir, to demand of you my hour." + + "Your what?" the old man said, + As he shook his puzzled head; + And the pertinacious puppy spoke with force: + "Well, sir, they often say, + 'Every dog must have his day,' + So a puppy ought to have an hour, of course!" + + [Illustration] + + The old man shook with glee, + But he said obligingly, + "The dog days are all gone, I grieve to say; + But since you've come so far, + And so mannerly you are, + I'll give you just an hour--to get away." + + + + + [Illustration] + + The Grandiloquent Goat + + + A very grandiloquent Goat + Sat down to a gay table d'hôte; + He ate all the corks, + The knives and the forks, + Remarking: "On these things I dote." + + Then, before his repast he began, + While pausing the menu to scan, + He said: "Corn, if you please, + And tomatoes and pease, + I'd like to have served in the can." + + + + + How the Cat was Belled + + + A fable told by La Fontaine, + Two centuries or more ago, + Describes some rats who would arraign + A cat, their direst foe, + Who killed so many rats + And caused the deepest woe, + This Catiline of cats. + + The poor rats were at their wits' end + Their homes and families to defend; + And as a last resort + They took the case to court. + + It seems they called a caucus wise + Of rats of every age and size, + And then their dean, + With sapient mien, + A very Solon of a rat, + Said it was best to bell the cat. + + The quaint old tale goes on to tell + How this plan would have worked quite well, + But, somehow, flaws + Appeared, because + No one would hang the bell. + + Though there the ancient fable ends, + Later report the tale extends, + No longer is the truth withheld; + Developments appear, + And so you have it here. + For the first time + Set down in rhyme + Just how that cat was belled. + + The council, as 'twas getting late, + Was just about to separate, + When suddenly a rat arose + Who said he could a plan propose + Which would, he thought, succeed + And meet their urgent need. + + Now as this rat was very small, + And had no dignity at all, + Although his plan was well advised, + We really need not be surprised + That all the rats of riper years + Expressed the gravest doubts and fears; + Till suddenly + He said, said he, + "If you will leave it all to me, + I will avow + Three days from now + That you shall all be free." + The solemn council then adjourned. + Each rat to home and fireside turned; + But each shook his wise head + And to his neighbor said: + "It is a dangerous job, in truth, + Though it seems naught to headstrong youth." + + Now young Sir Rat we next behold, + With manner brave and visage bold, + Go marching down + To London town, + Where wondrous things are sold. + We see him stop + At a large shop, + And with the bland clerk's courteous aid + This was the purchase that he made: + A bicycle of finest make, + With modern gear and patent brake, + Pedometer, pneumatic tire, + And spokes that looked like silver wire, + A lantern bright + To shine at night, + Enamel finish, nickel plate, + And all improvements up to date. + Said sly Sir Rat: "It suits me well, + Especially that sweet-toned _bell_." + + [Illustration] + + The shades of night were falling fast + When Sir Rat turned toward home at last. + The neighbors watched him as he passed + And said: "What is that queer-shaped thing? + Surely that can't be made to ring." + Sir Rat went on, nor stayed + To hear the jests they made; + And just outside the old cat's gate + He stopped and boldly braved his fate, + For if that cat + Should smell a rat + How quickly he'd come out and catch him, + And with what gusto he'd despatch him! + Sir Rat, against the picket-fence + Leaned the machine, then hurried hence, + And hid himself with glee, + And waited breathlessly + To see what that + Cantankerous cat + Would say, when in the twilight dim + He saw that brightly shining rim. + + Sir Rat, though hidden quite, + And safely out of sight, + Had scarcely time to wink his eye, + When Mr. Cat came sauntering by. + + "Ha! Ha!" said he, + "What's this I see, + A bicycle! and just my size! + Well, this, indeed, is a surprise! + I'll confiscate + This treasure great; + How quickly I'll fly o'er the ground + When I pursue my hunting round!" + + He mounted it with eager haste, + It suited well his sporting taste; + He guided it at will, + And used the brake with skill, + He grasped the handle-bars, and then-- + You see it was his custom when + He did a thing, to do it well-- + Of course he used the clear-toned bell! + + [Illustration] + + Victory now! the deed is done! + No longer at the set of sun + The rats fly shrieking to their nests, + They saunter round with merry jests + And ne'er a thought of fear, + Knowing full well + They'll hear the bell + When Mr. Cat draws near. + + [Illustration] + + And young Sir Rat who did the deed, + Whose cleverness relieved their need, + His wondrous enterprise + Was lauded to the skies. + And everywhere his name + Was hailed with shouts of fame. + + In difficulties, oft we see + Modern improvements frequently + Will prove a happy remedy. + + + + + The Rhyme of Triangular Tommy + + + [Illustration] + + Triangular Tommy, one morning in May, + Went out for a walk on the public highway. + Just here I will say, + 'Twas a bright sunny day, + And the sky it was blue, and the grass it was green, + The same sky and grass that you've all of you seen; + And the birds in the trees sang their usual song, + And Triangular Tommy went trudging along. + + But I can tell you + He cared naught for the view. + He did just what small boys of his age always do: + He shouted out "Scat!" + At a wandering cat, + And he picked a big daisy to stick in his hat; + The clovers he topped, + And the toadstools he cropped, + And sometimes he scuffled and sometimes he hopped. + + [Illustration] + + He took an old stick and poked at a worm, + And merrily chuckled to see the thing squirm; + When he chanced to look up, and in gorgeous array + Triangular Tilly was coming his way. + Triangular Tom straightened up in a jiff, + And put on his best manner--exceedingly stiff; + And as far as his angular shape would allow + Triangular Tom made a beautiful bow. + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + Triangular Tilly went smilingly by, + With a glance that was friendly, but just a bit shy. + And Tom so admired her that after she passed, + A backward look over his shoulder he cast. + And he said, "Though I think many girls are but silly, + I really admire that Triangular Tilly." + + [Illustration] + + But soon all such thoughts were put out of his head, + For who should come by but Triangular Ted, + The very boy Tom had been wishing to see! + "Hello!" said Triangular Tommy, said he. + "Hello!" said Triangular Ted, and away + Those two children scooted to frolic and play. + And they had, on the green, + Where 'twas all dry and clean, + The best game of leap-frog that ever was seen. + Triangular Tom beat down this way, you know, + And Triangular Ted stood beside him, just so, + When one, two, three--go! + With the greatest gusto, + Ted flew over Tom in a manner not slow. + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + They played hide-and-seek, they played marbles and tag, + They played they were soldiers, and each waved a flag; + Till at last they confessed, + They wanted to rest; + So they sat down and chatted with laughter and jest; + + [Illustration] + + When Schoolmaster Jones they suddenly spied, + Come clumping along with his pedagogue stride, + As usual, with manner quite preoccupied; + With his hat on one side, + And his shoe-lace untied-- + A surly old fellow, it can't be denied; + And each wicked boy + Thought that he would enjoy + An occasion the thoughtful old man to annoy, + And all of his wise calculations destroy. + So they thought they'd employ + A means known to each boy. + And across the wide pavement they fastened a twine + Exceedingly strong but exceedingly fine; + And Triangular Tommy laughed out in his glee, + To think how upset the old master would be! + + [Illustration] + + Although very wicked, their mischievous scheme + Was a perfect success; and with a loud scream, + A horrible clash, + A thump and a smash, + Old Schoolmaster Jones came down with a crash. + His hat rolled away, and his spectacles broke, + And those dreadful boys thought it a howling good joke. + And they just doubled up in immoderate glee, + Saying, "Look at the Schoolmaster! + Tee-hee! tee-hee!" + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + Tom gave a guffaw, + And Ted roared a "haw-haw"; + But soon their diversion was turned into awe, + For old Schoolmaster Jones was angry, they saw. + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + Triangular Ted + Turned swiftly and fled, + And far down the street like a reindeer he sped, + Leaving Tommy to face the old gentleman's rage, + Who quickly jumped up,--he was brisk for his age,-- + And with just indignation portrayed on his face, + To Triangular Tommy he quickly gave chase. + + [Illustration] + + And hearing his squeals + And his frantic appeals, + Triangular Tommy fast took to his heels. + Now Tommy was agile and Tommy was spry; + He whizzed through the air--he just seemed to fly; + He rushed madly on, until, dreadful to say! + He came where the railroad was just in his way-- + And alas! and alack! + He tripped on the track + And then with a terrible, sudden ker-thwack! + Triangular Tommy sprawled flat on his back-- + And the train came along with a crash, and a crack, + A din, and a clatter, a clang, and a clack, + A toot, and a boom, and a roar, and a hiss, + And chopped him up all into pieces like this-- + If _you_ cut out papers just like them, why, then, + If you try, you can put him together again. + + [Illustration] + + + + + A Modern Invention + + + Old Santa Claus is up-to-date, + And hereafter, rumors say, + He'll come with his pack of glittering toys, + And visit the homes of girls and boys, + In a new reindeerless sleigh. + + [Illustration] + + + + + An April Joke + + + [Illustration] + + Oh, it was a merry, gladsome day, + When the April Fool met the Queen of May; + She had roguish eyes and golden hair, + And they were a mischief-making pair. + They planned the funniest kind of a joke + On the poor, long-suffering mortal folk; + And a few mysterious words he said, + His fool's cap close to her flower-crowned head. + Then he laughed till he made his cap-bells ring, + At the thought of the topsy-turvy Spring. + "'Tis a fair exchange," he said, with a wink-- + "It is!" she said, and what do you think? + The flowers that should bloom in the month of May + Every one of them came on an April day! + And they looked for April showers in vain, + But all through May it did nothing but rain! + + + + + An Alice Alphabet + + + [Illustration] + + A is for Alice a-dressing the Queen. + + [Illustration] + + B is for Borogoves, mimsy and lean. + + [Illustration] + + C is the Cheshire Cat, wearing a grin. + + [Illustration] + + D is the Duchess who had a sharp chin. + + [Illustration] + + E is the Eaglet who barred out long words. + + [Illustration] + + F, the Flamingo, the queerest of birds. + + [Illustration] + + G is the Gryphon, loquacious and gay. + + [Illustration] + + H, Humpty Dumpty in gorgeous array. + + [Illustration] + + I is for Insects with curious names. + + [Illustration] + + J is the Jabberwock burbling with flames. + + [Illustration] + + K is the King who was whizzed through the air. + + [Illustration] + + L is the Lobster who sugared his hair. + + [Illustration] + + M, the Mock Turtle, whose tears freely flowed. + + [Illustration] + + N is for Nobody seen on the road. + + [Illustration] + + O is for Oysters who trotted so quick. + + [Illustration] + + P is the Puppy who played with a stick. + + [Illustration] + + Q is the Queen who ran very fast. + + [Illustration] + + R is the Rabbit who blew a great blast. + + [Illustration] + + S is the Sheep, on her knitting intent. + + [Illustration] + + T, Tweedledum, with his noisy lament. + + [Illustration] + + U is the Unicorn, valiant in feud. + + [Illustration] + + V is the Violet, saucy and rude. + + [Illustration] + + W, the Walrus, addicted to chat. + + [Illustration] + + X, Executioner, seeking the cat. + + [Illustration] + + Y is the Youth Father William surveyed. + + [Illustration] + + Z is the Zigzag the mouse's tail made. + + + + + The Funny Kittens + + + [Illustration] + + Once there were some silly kittens, + And they knitted woolly mittens + To bestow upon the freezing Hottentots. + But the Hottentots refused them, + Saying that they never used them + Unless crocheted of red with yellow spots. + + [Illustration] + + So the silly little kittens + Took their blue and white striped mittens + To a Bear who lived within a hollow tree; + The Bear responded sadly, + "I would wear your mittens gladly, + But I fear they are too gay for such as me." + + [Illustration] + + Then the kittens, almost weeping, + Came to where a Cow lay sleeping, + And they woke her with this piteous request, + "Won't you wear our mittens furry?" + Said the Cow, "My dears, don't worry; + I will put them on as soon as I am dressed." + + [Illustration] + + Then the Cow put on her bonnet + With a wreath of roses on it, + And a beautiful mantilla fringed with white; + And she donned the pretty mittens, + While the silly little kittens + Clapped their paws in admiration at the sight. + + + + + The Strike of the Fireworks + + + 'Twas the night before the Fourth of July, the people slept serene; + The fireworks were stored in the old town hall that stood + on the village green. + The steeple clock tolled the midnight hour, and at its final stroke, + The fire in the queer old-fashioned stove lifted its voice and spoke; + "The earth and air have naught to do, the water, too, may play, + And only fire is made to work on Independence Day. + + "I won't stand such injustice! It's wrong, beyond a doubt, + And I shall take my holiday. Good-by, I'm going out!" + Up spoke a Roman candle then, "The principle is right! + Suppose we strike, and all agree we will not work to-night!" + "My stars!" said a small sky-rocket. "What an awful time there'll be, + When the whole town comes together to-night, the great display to see!" + "Let them come," said a saucy pinwheel, "yes, let them come if they like, + As a delegate I'll announce to them that the fireworks + are going to strike!" + "My friends," said a small cap-pistol, "this movement is all wrong,-- + Gunpowder, noise, and fireworks to Fourth of July belong. + My great ancestral musket made Independence Day, + I frown on your whole conspiracy, and you are wrong, I say!" + + And so they talked and they argued, some for and some against,-- + And they progressed no further than they were when they commenced. + Until in a burst of eloquence a queer little piece of punk + Arose in his place and said, "I think we ought to show some spunk. + And I for one have decided, although I am no shirk, + That to-day is a legal holiday and not even fire should work. + + "And I am of some importance,"--here he gave a pretentious cough, + "For without my assistance none of you could very well be put off." + "You are right," said the Roman candle, "and I think we are all agreed + To strike for our rights and our liberty. Hurrah! we shall succeed!" + The dissenters cried with one accord, "Our objections we withdraw. + Hurrah, hurrah for the fireworks' strike!" and they cried again, "Hurrah!" + + Then a match piped up with a tiny voice, "Your splendid scheme I like. + I agree with all your principles and so I, too, will strike!" + Suiting the action to the word, the silly little dunce + Clambered down from his matchsafe and excitedly struck at once. + He lost his head, and he ran around among the fireworks dry, + And he cried, "Hurrah for the fireworks' strike! Hurrah for the + Fourth of July!" + + With his waving flame he lit the punk--a firecracker caught a spark,-- + Then rockets and wheels and bombs went off--no longer the place was dark! + The explosions made a fearful noise, the flames leaped high and higher, + The village folk awoke and cried, "The town hall is on fire!" + So the strike of the fireworks ended in a wonderful display + Of pyrotechnic grandeur on Independence Day! + + + + + The Arch Armadillo + + + [Illustration] + + There once was an arch Armadillo + Who built him a hut 'neath a willow; + He hadn't a bed + So he rested his head + On a young Porcupine for a pillow. + + + + + A Dream Lesson + + + Once there was a little boy who wouldn't go to bed, + When they hinted at the subject he would only shake his head, + When they asked him his intentions, he informed them pretty straight + That he wouldn't go to bed at all, and Nursey needn't wait. + + As their arguments grew stronger, and their attitude more strict, + I grieve to say that naughty boy just yelled and screamed and kicked. + And he made up awful faces, and he told them up and down + That he wouldn't go to bed for all the nurses in the town. + + Then Nursey lost her patience, and although it wasn't right, + Retorted that for all she cared he might sit up all night. + He approved of this arrangement, and he danced a jig for joy, + And turned a somersault with glee; he _was_ a naughty boy. + + And so they all went off to bed and left him sitting there, + Right in the corner by the fire in Grandpa's big armchair. + He read his books and played his games,--he even sang a song + And thought how lovely it would be to sit up all night long. + + [Illustration] + + But soon his games grew stupid, and his puzzles wouldn't work; + He drew himself up stiffly with a sudden little jerk, + And he said, "I am not sleepy, and I love to play alone-- + And--I--think--" the rest was mumbled in a drowsy monotone. + + He leaned back on the cushions like that night he had the croup; + His head began to wobble and his eyes began to droop; + He closed them for a minute, just to see how it would seem, + And straightway he was sound asleep, and dreamed this awful dream! + + He thought he saw a garden filled with flowers and roses gay, + A great big gardener with a hoe came walking down his way; + "Ah, ha!" exclaimed the gardener, as he clutched him by the head, + "Here's a fine specimen I've found; I'll plant him in this bed!" + + [Illustration] + + He held the boy in one big hand, unheeding how he cried, + And with the other dug a hole enormous, deep, and wide. + He jammed the little fellow in, and said in gruffest tone, + "This is the bed for naughty boys who won't go to their own." + + And then the dirt was shovelled in,--it covered up his toes, + His ankles, knees, and waist and arms, and higher yet it rose. + For still the gardener shovelled on, not noticing his cries; + It came up to his chin and mouth--it almost reached his eyes; + + Just then he gathered all his strength and gave an awful scream, + And woke himself, and put an end to that terrific dream. + And he said, as Nursey tucked him up and bade him snugly rest, + "When I am planted in a bed, I like my own the best." + + + + + The Rivals + + + [Illustration] + + Two well-built men, neither giant nor dwarf, + Were Monsieur Elims and Mynheer Nworf. + They lived in a town not far away, + And spent their time in work and play. + Now Monsieur Elims was loved by all-- + By rich and poor, by great and small. + And Mynheer Nworf remarked one day, + "Brother, explain to me, I pray, + Why no one likes me as well as you, + No matter what I may say or do. + I have stores of knowledge packed in my head; + I am learned and wise and very well read; + I can dance, I can sing, I'm extremely polite; + I am worth a large fortune all in my own right. + But still,--and this question has caused me much thought,-- + While I am neglected, you're everywhere sought." + Monsieur Elims replied: "My dear sir, that is true, + But you see, I am I, and you see, you are you. + If I receive praises and you receive blame, + 'Tis doubtless because each lives up to his name." + + You'll find his defence rather puzzling, I fear; + But read their names backward--the meaning is clear. + + + + + The New Cup + + + "I've a lovely new cup from Uncle John," + Said Dorothy; "only see-- + It has beautiful golden letters on, + And they spell '_Remember Me_.'" + + "Oho!" laughed Fred. "Why, Dorothy dear, + They put that on mugs and plates: + _I_'ve studied jography 'most a year, + And I know the names of the States. + + And when you see that anywhere,-- + At least, since this fuss with Spain,-- + It's the President who puts it there, + And it means 'Remember the Maine'!" + + + + + A Photographic Failure + + + [Illustration] + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Saw a patient Periwinkle + With a kodak, sitting idly by a rill. + Feeling a desire awaken + For to have his picture taken, + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle stood stock-still. + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Felt his brow begin to wrinkle, + And his pose assume a sad and solemn style; + But the Periwinkle trusted, + As the focus he adjusted, + That his customer would kindly try to smile. + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Felt his eyes begin to twinkle, + And his mouth took on a broad and open grin; + Said the Periwinkle, sadly, + "If you stretch your jaw so madly, + I fear perhaps that I shall tumble in." + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Felt his hair begin to crinkle, + As it rose up on his forehead in affright; + Though his comrade spoke so mildly, + Mr. Hinkle wondered wildly, + How he could escape this dire and awful plight. + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Said, "I fear it's going to sprinkle, + And really for a storm I'm not prepared." + Then without a further warning + He politely said, "Good morning," + And the patient Periwinkle stood and stared. + + [Illustration] + + + + + Christmas Gifts + + + Ten Christmas presents standing in a line; + Robert took the bicycle, then there were nine. + Nine Christmas presents ranged in order straight; + Bob took the steam engine, then there were eight. + Eight Christmas presents--and one came from Devon; + Robbie took the jackknife, then there were seven. + Seven Christmas presents direct from St. Nick's; + Bobby took the candy box, then there were six. + Six Christmas presents, one of them alive; + Rob took the puppy dog, then there were five. + Five Christmas presents yet on the floor; + Bobbin took the soldier cap, then there were four. + Four Christmas presents underneath the tree; + Bobbet took the writing desk, then there were three. + Three Christmas presents still in full view; + Robin took the checker board, then there were two. + Two Christmas presents, promising fun, + Bobbles took the picture book, then there was one. + One Christmas present--and now the list is done; + Bobbinet took the sled, and then there were none. + And the same happy child received every toy, + So many nicknames had one little boy. + + + + + Young America + + + [Illustration] + + Wee Willie sat a-thinking, + And he shook his curly head. + Around him on the nursery floor + His treasures lay outspread. + + Firecrackers and torpedoes, + Trumpet and flag and drum, + Rockets and pinwheels and paper caps, + For Fourth of July had come. + + "But it makes me sort o' sorry," + Wee Willie said with a sigh, + "To think of those poor little English boys + Without any Fourth of July." + + + + + A Bicycle built for Two + + + There was an ambitious young eel + Who determined to ride on a wheel; + But try as he might, + He couldn't ride right, + In spite of his ardor and zeal. + + If he sat on the saddle to ride + His tail only pedalled one side; + And I'm sure you'll admit + That an eel _couldn't_ sit + On a bicycle saddle astride. + + Or if he hung over the top, + He could go, but he never could stop; + For of course it is clear + He had no way to steer, + And under the wheel he would flop. + + His neighbor, observing the fun, + Said, "I think that the thing can be done, + If you'll listen to me, + You'll quickly agree + That two heads are better than one. + + "And this is my project, old chap, + Around our two waists I will wrap + This beautiful belt + Of bottle-green felt + And fasten it firm with a strap." + + [Illustration] + + This done, with a dignified mien + The two squirmed up on the machine, + And rode gayly away, + Or at least, so they say, + Who witnessed the wonderful scene. + + + + + [Illustration] + + Dorothy's Opinion + + + Mamma has bought a calendar, + And every single page + Has pictures on of little girls + 'Most just about my age. + + And when she bought it yesterday, + Down at the big bazaar, + She said, "What lovely little girls, + How true to life they are." + + But I don't think they're true to life, + And I'll just tell you why; + They never have a rumpled frock + Or ribbon bow awry. + + And though they play with cats and dogs, + And rabbits and white mice, + And sail their boats and fly their kites, + They always look so nice. + + And I am sure no little girl + That ever _I_ have seen, + Could play with dogs or sail a boat + And keep her frock so clean. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Roll of Roly Poly Roy + + + [Illustration] + + Once on a time a lad I knew-- + His sister called him Bubby; + His cheeks were red, his eyes were blue, + And he was plump and chubby. + Indeed, he was so stout a boy, + Some called him Roly Poly Roy; + They called him that + For he was fat + And very plump and chubby. + + [Illustration] + + He caused his father grief profound, + And made his mother worry, + Because he'd roll along the ground + When he was in a hurry. + For as he couldn't see his toes, + He often tumbled on his nose; + So, on the whole, + 'Twas best to roll + When he was in a hurry. + + "Get up!" the people urged, but he + Replied, "There's no use talking; + I roll around because, you see, + It's easier than walking." + And though it looked extremely droll + To see the lad lie down and roll, + It was, forsooth, + For that fat youth + Far easier than walking. + + [Illustration] + + One day he thought he'd try to ride; + Alas, he was so bulky, + He tumbled off the other side, + Which made him rather sulky. + He heard his comrades jeer and scoff, + Again he tried and tumbled off, + And when he fell + They'd shout and yell-- + Of course it made him sulky. + + Just out of town there was a place + With rolling ground and hilly, + And here Roy started for a race + With Dick and Tom and Willy. + You'll know of course before you're told + That Roy just laid him down and rolled; + And so, you see, + He easily + Beat Dick and Tom and Willy. + + That day two giants came along + From Huncamunca Valley, + Seeking some tenpins good and strong + For their new bowling alley. + They reached the hilly sort of place + Just as our hero won the race; + "Look at him roll!" + They said. "He'll bowl + On our new bowling alley. + + "The other boys are squarely built; + For tenpins they'll do finely! + No matter if a few get kilt," + And then they smiled benignly. + Quickly they kidnapped ten small boys, + All howling with a fearful noise; + They took them all, + And Roy for ball, + And then they smiled benignly. + + [Illustration] + + They hurried to their home and then + Began their barbarous bowling. + They set in rows the children ten + And then set Roy a-rolling. + But as the giants were strong and great, + They shot poor Roy at such a rate, + And with such might, + That out of sight + Poor Roy was set a-rolling. + + [Illustration] + + He rolled and rolled and rolled and rolled, + But soon, his fears dispelling, + With happiness he did behold + He'd safely reached his dwelling. + Secure and safe from further harms, + His mother caught him in her arms, + And said with joy, + "My darling boy, + You've safely reached your dwelling." + + Now rolling seems to him to be + More dangerous than walking. + And Roly Poly Roy you'll see + Along the sidewalks stalking. + He'll always have a certain fear + That giants may be lurking near, + And so he'll go + With motion slow + Along the sidewalk stalking. + + [Illustration] + + + + + My Barometer + + + [Illustration] + + My little maid with golden hair + Comes each morning for a kiss; + And I know the day will be fine and fair + When Polly looks like this. + + [Illustration] + + Or I know the clouds will frown and lower, + The skies will be dull and gray, + And perhaps there'll be a passing shower, + When Polly looks this way. + + [Illustration] + + But a violent storm of rain or snow + I can prognosticate, + For the sign will never fail, I know, + When this is Polly's pate. + + + + + The Butter Betty Bought + + + Betty Botta bought some butter; + "But," said she, "this butter's bitter! + If I put it in my batter + It will make my batter bitter. + But a bit o' better butter + Will but make my batter better." + Then she bought a bit o' butter + Better than the bitter butter, + Made her bitter batter better. + So 'twas better Betty Botta + Bought a bit o' better butter. + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Marvel + + + An old astronomer there was + Who lived up in a tower, + Named Ptolemy Copernicus + Flammarion McGower. + He said: "I can prognosticate + With estimates correct; + And when the skies I contemplate, + I know what to expect. + When dark'ning clouds obscure my sight, + I think perhaps 'twill rain; + And when the stars are shining bright, + I know 'tis clear again." + And then abstractedly he scanned + The heavens, hour by hour, + Old Ptolemy Copernicus + Flammarion McGower. + + + + + An Alphabet Zoo + + + A was an apt Alligator, + Who wanted to be a head-waiter; + He said, "I opine + In that field I could shine, + Because I am such a good skater." + + B was a beggarly Bear, + Who carefully curled his front hair; + He said, "I would buy + A red-spotted tie,-- + But I haven't a penny to spare." + + C was a cool Chimpanzee, + Who went to an afternoon tea. + When they said, "Will you take + A caraway cake?" + He greedily took twenty-three! + + D was a diligent Doe, + In summer she shovelled the snow; + In the spring and the fall + She did nothing at all, + And in winter the grass she would mow. + + E was an erudite Ermine, + Who tried very hard to determine + If he _should_ earn a cent, + How it ought to be spent, + And decided to purchase a sermon. + + F was a fussy Flamingo, + Who remarked to his family, "By jingo! + I think I would go + To that animal show, + But they all talk such barbarous lingo." + + G was a giddy Gazelle, + Who never could learn how to spell; + But she managed to pass + To the head of her class, + Because she did fractions so well. + + H was a haughty young Hawk, + Who affected society talk; + But when introduced + At a large chicken roost + He excitedly screamed out, "Oh, Lawk!" + + I was an idle Iguana, + Who lived upon curried banana; + With tears he'd protest + That he never could rest + Till he learned to sing "Eileen Alanna." + + J was a jimp Jaguar, + Who purchased a Spanish guitar; + He played popular airs + At _fêtes_ and at fairs, + And down at the Fancy Bazaar. + + K was a kind Kangaroo, + Whose bonnet was always askew; + So they asked her to wait + While they put it on straight + And fastened it firmly with glue. + + L was a lachrymose Leopard, + Who ate up twelve sheep and a shepherd, + But the real reason why + He continued to cry + Was his food was so lavishly peppered. + + M was a mischievous Marten, + Who went to the Free Kindergarten; + When they asked him to plat + A gay-colored mat, + He tackled the job like a Spartan. + + N was a naughty Nylghau, + Who wandered too near a buzz saw. + It cut off his toes, + And the shrieks that arose + Filled all of the neighbors with awe. + + O was an ossified Oyster, + Who decided to enter a cloister. + He could not return, + So continued to yearn + For his home in the sea, which was moister. + + P was a poor old Poll Parrot, + Who had nothing to eat but a carrot, + And nothing to wear + But a wig of red hair, + And nowhere to live but a garret. + + Q was a querulous Quab + Who at every trifle would sob; + He said, "I detest + To wear a plaid vest, + And I hate to eat corn from the cob!" + + R was a rollicking Ram, + Attired in an old pillow sham. + When asked if he'd call + At the masquerade ball, + He said, "I'll go just as I am." + + S was a shy Salamander, + Who slept on a sunny veranda. + She calmly reposed, + But, alas! while she dozed + They caught her and killed her and canned her. + + T was a tidy young Tapir, + Who went out to bring in the paper; + And when he came back + He made no muddy track, + For he wiped his feet clean on the scraper. + + U was a young Unicorn, + The bravest that ever was born. + They bought him a boat + And they set him afloat, + And straightway he sailed for Cape Horn. + + V was a vigorous Vulture, + Who taught animals physical culture; + When a pupil dropped dead, + The kind teacher said, + "You needn't consider sepulture." + + W was a wild Worm, + All day he did nothing but squirm. + They sent him to school, + But he broke every rule, + And left at the end of the term. + + X was a Xiphias brave, + Who lived on the crest of the wave. + To each fish he would say, + "Good day, sir, good day!" + And then a polite bow he gave. + + Y was a young Yellowhammer, + Who raised a ridiculous clamor; + And he chattered until + An owl said, "Keep still! + I'm trying to study my grammar." + + Z was a zealous old Zibet, + Toboggans he tried to prohibit. + If any one tried + To take a sly slide, + He ordered him hanged on a gibbet. + + + + + Found Wanting + + + [Illustration] + + There lived a wondrous sculptor once, a genius in his way, + Named Phidias Praxiteles Canova Merryday. + He sat within his studio and said, "I really must + Begin a Rhodian anaglyptic ceroplastic bust. + + "My customers demand them, their fame rings near and far, + But then, alas, the trouble is, I don't know what they are. + Though I could carve a Venus or a Belvedere with ease, + My wondrous skill is lacking when it comes to carving these. + + "I cast and cut and chisel, I model and I mould, + I copy poses picturesque from studies new and old; + In marble, bronze, and potter's clay, in wax and wood and stone + I carve the old-time statues with improvements of my own. + + [Illustration] + + "I have Apollo on a horse, Minerva on a wheel, + Hercules going fishing with his basket and his creel. + A Mercury on roller-skates, Diana with a hat, + And Venus playing tennis with Achilles at the bat. + + "Yet these my customers pass by, and ask with interest keen, + For things with long and tiresome names,--I don't know what they mean. + And so I let my hammers hang, and let my chisels rust, + For I cannot do an anaglyptic ceroplastic bust." + + + + + A Tragic Tale of Tea + + + [Illustration] + + The Beetle was blind, and the Bat was blinder, + And they went to take tea with the Scissors-grinder. + The Scissors-grinder had gone away + Across the ocean to spend the day; + But he'd tied his bell to the grapevine swing. + The Bat and the Beetle heard it ring, + And neither the Beetle nor Bat could see + Why no one offered them any tea. + So, polite and patient, they're waiting yet + For the cup of tea they expect to get. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Erratic Rat + + + [Illustration] + + There was a ridiculous Rat + Who was awfully puffy and fat. + "I'll carry," he said, + "This plate on my head, + 'Twill answer in place of a hat." + + [Illustration] + + And then he remarked with a frown, + "I suppose that I must have a gown; + I'll make me a kilt + Of this old crazy-quilt, + To wear when I'm going to town. + + "And of course, though the weather is warm, + It may be there'll come up a storm; + An umbrella I'll make + Of a caraway cake, + It'll match with my whole uniform. + + And I'll carry a bottle of ink + In case I should wish for a drink; + And this flat-iron so sweet + I'll take with me to eat, + And now I am ready, I think." + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + The Two Friends + + + A Spider and a Centipede went out to take a walk; + The Centipede said frankly, "I will listen while you talk, + But I may appear distracted, or assume a vacant stare, + Because to keep my feet in step requires my constant care." + + Said the Spider: "I appreciate your most peculiar case, + And your feet must be quite handy when you want to run a race; + But though you gain in some ways, in some other ways you lose; + And, of course, my friend, you must be quite extravagant in shoes." + + "Ah! yes. Ah! yes," a heavy sigh escaped the Centipede; + "And I have other trials, too;--my life is hard indeed! + Why, sometimes when I'm very tired, a long, long time it takes + To ascertain with certainty which foot it is that aches. + + "And when I go to dancing-class on Saturdays at three, + I find the First Position very difficult for me. + Though I put my best foot foremost, and good time I try to keep, + To my chagrin, I often find a foot or two asleep. + + Athletics I attempted, but, alas! I must admit + That every exercise I tried I put my foot in it. + I think I'll join a foot-ball team,--as many friends suggest,-- + Before I've one foot in the grave and gout in all the rest. + + But now I'll say good-morning; for, my friend, I have to stop + To get my boots blacked neatly at this little boot-black's shop; + And, as you may imagine, it will keep me here some time, + But, what is worse, I'll have to pay him many a hard-earned dime." + + The Spider said good-morning, and pursued his way alone, + And as he went he murmured, in a thoughtful undertone: + "I'm a happy little Spider, and I'm very glad indeed, + That I was born an octoped and not a centipede!" + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Smiling Shark + + + There was an old Shark with a smile + So broad you could see it a mile. + He said to his friends, + As he sewed up the ends, + "It was really too wide for the style." + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Mercury's Plaint + + + [Illustration] + + I don't know why I'm slandered so, + If I go high,--if I go low,-- + There's always some one who will say, + "Just see that mercury to-day!" + And whether toward the top I crawl + Or down toward zero I may fall, + They always fret, and say that I + Am far too low or far too high. + Although I try with all my might, + I never seem to strike it right. + Now I admit it seems to me + They show great inconsistency. + But _they_ imply _I_ am to blame; + Of course that makes my anger flame, + And in a fiery fit of pique + I stay at ninety for a week. + Or sometimes in a dull despair, + I give them just a frigid stare; + And as upon their taunts I think + My spirits down to zero sink. + Mine is indeed a hopeless case; + To strive to please the human race! + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Pirate Poodle + + + Once there was a Pirate Poodle, + And he sailed the briny seas + From the land of Yankee Doodle + Southward to the Caribbees. + + [Illustration] + + He would boast with tales outlandish, + Of his valor and renown; + And his cutlass he would brandish + With a fearful pirate frown. + + So ferocious was his manner + All his crew looked on, aghast; + And his fearful pirate banner + Floated from his pirate mast. + + He reiterated proudly + Naught had power to make him quail; + Yet when thunder roared _too_ loudly + He would turn a trifle pale. + + And he turned a little paler + When there came a sudden squall; + For this funny little sailor + Was ridiculously small. + + [Illustration] + + And whene'er a storm portended + He'd betake himself below. + So much fear and courage blended + Did a pirate ever show? + + + + + [Illustration] + + An Old Love + + + Priscilla, Auntie's promised me + A brand-new Paris doll; + And though I love you, yet you see + I cannot keep you all. + + Nursey declares I really must + Throw one of you away; + And you're the oldest, so I trust + You will not care to stay. + + You've lost an arm, your dress is torn, + Your wig is all awry; + Priscilla, you are so forlorn, + We'll have to say good-by. + + And yet--oh, don't! my dolly dear, + _Don't_ look so sad, I pray! + You precious dolly, come right here, + You _shan't_ be thrown away! + + You're ragged, yes, and lame and blind, + You're really but a wreck; + But, dear Priscilla, never mind, + _I_ do not care a speck. + + Your eyes do nicely when they're shut, + And I can mend the rest; + Well--p'raps I'll love the new one--but + I'll always love _you_ best. + + + + + Bobby's Pocket + + + Our Bobby is a little boy, of six years old, or so; + And every kind of rubbish in his pocket he will stow. + + One day he thought he'd empty it (so he again could stock it); + And here's an alphabet of what was found in Bobby's pocket. + + A was a rosy Apple, with some bites out, here and there; + B was a bouncing rubber Ball that bounded in the air. + + C was a crispy crusty Cake with citron on the top; + D was a dancing Donkey that could jump around and hop. + + E was a little robin's Egg, all speckled blue and brown; + F was a fluffy Feather that was white and soft as down. + + G was a lively Grasshopper, whose legs and wings were green; + H was a grimy Handkerchief that once perhaps was clean. + + I was a plaster Image that had lost its plaster head; + J was a jolly Jumping-Jack all painted blue and red. + + K was a keen and shining Knife, 'twould cut the toughest bark; + L was a little wooden Lion, strayed out of Noah's Ark. + + M was a Marble, large and round, with colors bright and clear; + N was a bent and rusty Nail, of little use, I fear. + + O was a tiny Oil-can, which was always upside down; + P was a Penny Bob had saved to spend some day in town. + + Q was a Quilted ear-tab, which had lost its velvet mate; + R was a Ring with a glassy gem of wondrous size and weight. + + S was a String, a piece of Soap, a Stone, a Sponge, a Stick; + T was a lump of Taffy, exceeding soft and thick. + + U, an Umbrella-handle, of silver-mounted horn; + V was a comic Valentine, a little creased and worn. + + W was some sticky Wax, lovely to pinch and mould; + X was an old Xpress receipt, worn out in every fold. + + Y was a lot of Yellow Yarn, all bunched up like a mop; + Z was a jagged piece of Zinc, found in a plumber's shop. + + All these are Bob's possessions; he loves every single thing; + And owning all these treasures he's as happy as a King! + + + + + The Instructiphone + + + [Illustration] + + There was a youthful genius once, a boy of thirteen years, + Named Cyrus Franklin Edison Lavoisier De Squeers. + To study he was not inclined, for fun he had a bent; + But there was just one article he wanted to invent. + + "It's a sort of a contraption which will work itself," he said, + "And, without studying, will put my lessons in my head." + He thought and puzzled o'er his plan, he worked with might and main + To utilize the wondrous schemes within his fertile brain: + + Until at last the thing was done, and to his friends said he: + "It is the wonder of the age! Success I can foresee! + My great invention is complete, and--'tis no idle vaunt-- + I'm sure that my Instructiphone will fill a long-felt want. + + "The action is quite simple--I will try to make it clear: + This funnel-shaped receiver I apply to my left ear; + Then in this hopper I will put whate'er I wish to learn-- + A page of history or of Greek,--and then this crank I'll turn. + + "The topic goes into this tube, a sort of phonograph + Which acts directly on my mind,--it _does_, you needn't laugh! + I do not have to think at all, for, as I pull this chain, + My wonderful machine transmits the knowledge to my brain." + + The plan was good, the works were fine, and yet there was a flaw; + When Cyrus turned the crank around, the neighbors watched with awe. + He confidently pulled the chain with motion quick and deft; + The knowledge entered his right ear--and came out at his left. + + He tried again,--a page of Greek; he tried a theme occult,-- + A message and an errand,--every time the same result! + Then Cyrus knew that somehow his machine had missed its aim; + For though the works ran smoothly it was always just the same. + + No matter what the book might be, or what it was about, + It would go in at one ear,--at the other 'twould come out! + So in his laboratory, baffled Cyrus sitting lone, + Strives to correct the sad defect in his Instructiphone. + + But it is my opinion, there's no fault in the machine: + The trouble is that Cyrus is like other boys I've seen. + + + + + The Lay of the Lady Lorraine + + + The Lady Lorraine was sweet and fair; + The Lady Lorraine was young; + She had wonderful eyes and glorious hair, + And a voice of a cadence rich and rare; + Oh, she was a lady beyond compare-- + By all were her praises sung, + Till valley and plain + Took up the refrain, + And rang with the praise of the Lady Lorraine. + + And besides all charms of form and face, + There were other attractions about Her Grace; + Besides her delicate, lily-white hands, + She had rolling acres and broad, rich lands; + Besides her patrician coat of arms, + She had far-reaching forests and fertile farms; + And of many an ancient and wide domain + The beautiful lady was châtelaine. + So of course at her door + There were suitors galore; + They came by the dozen, and came by the score. + + [Illustration] + + They came in droves, and they came in hordes, + Titled nobility,--princes, lords, + Dukes and marquises, viscounts and peers, + Ambassadors, marshals, grandees, grenadiers, + Barons and baronets, earls, and esquires, + Illustrious sons of illustrious sires: + But 'twas ever in vain + They sought to attain + The heart and the hand of the Lady Lorraine. + And day after day + They turned sadly away; + For the Lady Lorraine continued to say, + Decidedly, certainly, stubbornly, "Nay!" + She cared not for wreaths of laurel or bay, + Their titles or rent rolls or uniforms gay, + Their medals or ribbons or gaudy display, + Their splendid equipment, demeanor, or bearing; + She observed not their manners, nor what they were wearing; + Their marvellous exploits for her had no charms: + Their prowess in tourney, their valor at arms; + Their wondrous achievements of brawn or of brain,-- + All, all were as naught to the Lady Lorraine. + To each suitor she'd say, with her hand on her heart, + "Sir, I ask of you only that you will depart." + + In vain they entreated, they begged and they plead, + They coaxed and besought, and they sullenly said + That she was hard-hearted, unfeeling, and cruel. + They challenged each other to many a duel; + They scowled and they scolded, they sulked and they sighed, + But they could not win Lady Lorraine for a bride. + + Now the reason for this, as you may have divined, + Was because in her maidenly heart was enshrined + The image of one who was just to her mind: + Who was loving and kind, + To whose faults she was blind,-- + The lord of her heart, and the love of her life, + To whom she had promised to be a fond wife. + Her Highness was happy, for even now he + Was hastening to her across the blue sea. + He had written to say he was then on the way, + And would greet his fair lady on Christmas day. + + * * * + + 'Twas Christmas eve. In the old oak hall + Preparations were made for the Christmas ball. + Gay garlands were hung from ceiling and wall; + The Yule log was laid, the tables arrayed, + And the Lady Lorraine and her whole cavalcade, + From the pompous old steward to the scullery-maid, + Were all in a fluster, + Excitement and bluster, + And everything shone with a marvellous lustre. + + [Illustration] + + Such savory viands the larders presented; + Such wondrous confections the bakers invented: + Such pasties and cates of eccentric design; + Such sparkling decanters of rarest old wine; + And ready at hand was the great wassail-bowl, + And the jolly old boar's head, with lemon, so droll. + The nook for musicians was carefully planned, + And carols and glees would be played by the band. + + [Illustration] + + At last all was ready. The workmen were done; + And awaiting the jollity, mirth, and frivolity, + The games and the dancing, the feasting and fun, + The old hall was empty,--save only for one,-- + The Lady Lorraine, who surveyed it with pride, + And said, "It is worthy of Lord Cecil's bride!" + Then a bright smile illumined her happy young face, + Her roguish eyes twinkled, and gayly Her Grace + Crossed the old polished floor with a step light and quick, + And her high slipper heels went clickety-click. + She looked cautiously round,--she was all by herself; + Like a mischievous elf, + She took from a shelf + A mistletoe spray with its berries like pearls; + Then tossing her head and shaking her curls, + In a manner half daring and yet half afraid, + The madcap maid, with a smile that betrayed + Expectant thoughts of her lover dear, + Fastened the spray to the chandelier. + + [Illustration] + + Then in a merry, fanciful mood, + Inspired by the time and the solitude, + The Lady Lorraine, + In whimsical vein, + Said, "On Christmas eve, 'neath this mistletoe bough, + I'll solemnly make an immutable vow." + With a glance at the portraits that hung on the wall, + She said, "I adjure ye to witness, all: + I vow by the names that I've long revered,-- + By my great-great-grandfather's great gray beard, + By my father's sword, by my uncle's hat, + By my spinster aunt's Angora cat, + By my ancient grandame's buckled shoes, + By my uncle Gregory's marvellous brews, + By Sir Sydney's wig, + And his ruff so big,-- + Indeed, by his whole preposterous rig,-- + By the scutcheon and crest, and all the rest + Of the signs of my house, I vow this vow: + That whoever beneath this mistletoe bough + Shall first kiss me, he--none but he-- + My partner for life shall henceforth be." + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + She had scarcely ceased when she heard a sound. + She looked around, + And, startled, found + From the old oak chimney place it came. + For there, as if in an old oak frame, + A figure quaint, yet familiar too, + Met her astonished, bewildered view. + Of aspect merry, yet something weird, + With kind blue eyes and a long white beard, + Fur-trimmed cloak, and a peakèd cap, + Rosy cheeks,--a jolly old chap; + And, though surprised, she recognized + St. Nicholas, dear to her childhood days, + And she met his smile with a welcome gaze. + + The jolly old man beheld Her Grace, + With her laughing eyes and her winsome face; + He couldn't resist her,-- + Indeed, who could?-- + And he heartily kissed her + Where she stood! + And exultingly cried, "I heard your vow; + And Lady Lorraine shall be _my_ bride now!" + + [Illustration] + + The lady trembled, as in a daze; + With a startled gaze of blank amaze, + She looked at the figure who stood by her side + And audaciously claimed her for his bride. + + Then she bowed her head + And the color fled + From the cheeks that his kiss had flushed rosy red. + Her heart was filled with a sad despair + As she thought of her lover, Lord Cecil Clare, + And his dire dismay + When on Christmas day + He should ride up gayly in brave array, + And find his sweetheart stolen away. + + But the honor and pride of her race were at stake; + And for conscience' sake + She dared not break + Her solemn vow, though her heart might ache. + To be true to her word, her sire had taught her, + And she was a loyal, obedient daughter. + She appealed to the portraits of squires and dames, + Who looked sternly down from their gilded frames; + But they seemed to say, "There must ne'er be broken + A promise or vow a Lorraine has spoken." + + With stifled sighs, and with tears in her eyes, + Though she tried to assume a cheerful guise, + She turned to the suitor who stood apart, + Awaiting the gift of her hand and heart; + And she said with a gentle, dignified air: + "My heart belongs to Lord Cecil Clare; + But my fatal vow, + Though I rue it now, + I dare not break. So, at your command, + I fulfil it! On you I bestow my hand." + + "O noble lady!" her suitor cried, + "'Twas only a merry test I tried. + Full well I knew + That your heart was true. + Behold your lover, my bonny bride! + I assumed this guise for a Christmas joke." + And as he spoke, + He threw off his cloak, + He flung to the floor his peakèd hood, + And a gallant knight before her stood! + + [Illustration] + + He doffed his wig and his long white beard; + All signs of St. Nicholas disappeared; + And smiling there, in the firelight's glare, + Was the gay and noble Lord Cecil Clare! + + The lady marvelled--a glad surprise + Betokened itself in her lovely eyes; + And with her merriment quite restored, + She said, "You are welcome home, my lord; + And I'm thankful, now, + That I kept my vow." + + Lord Cecil raised her hand to his lips, + And gallantly kissed her finger tips; + While the squires and dames + Looked down from their frames, + And "Bless you, my children!" they seemed to say. + Then the band appeared, and began to play; + The guests arrived, and without delay + The fun commenced, and the old oak hall + Never had known such a Christmas ball! + The feast was spread, + And the dance was led + By the knight and the lady, and every one said, + With a shout that rent the midnight air, + "Long live Lord Cecil and Lady Clare!" + + [Illustration] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Jingle Book, by Carolyn Wells + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE JINGLE BOOK *** + +***** This file should be named 24560-8.txt or 24560-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/5/6/24560/ + +Produced by Anne Storer and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Jingle Book + +Author: Carolyn Wells + +Illustrator: Oliver Herford + +Release Date: February 9, 2008 [EBook #24560] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE JINGLE BOOK *** + + + + +Produced by Anne Storer and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="box"> + +<p> </p> + +<h1><a name="tutor" id="tutor"></a>THE JINGLE BOOK</h1> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 401px;"> +<img src="images/img5.jpg" width="401" height="450" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<div style="margin-top: -30em; margin-left: 15em; margin-right: 10em; margin-bottom: 18em;"> + +<h2>The Tutor</h2> + +<p class="poem"> +A tutor who tooted the flute<br /> +Tried to teach two young tooters to toot.<br /> +Said the two to the tutor,<br /> +“Is it harder to toot, or<br /> +To tutor two tooters to toot?”</p> + +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<h6>THE JINGLE BOOK</h6> + +<p> </p> + +<p class="center"><strong>BY</strong><br /> +<span class="lge">CAROLYN WELLS</span></p> + +<p> </p> + +<p class="center"><strong>Pictured by</strong><br /> +<span class="lge1">OLIVER HERFORD</span></p> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<p class="center"><strong>New York</strong><br /> +<span class="lge">THE MACMILLAN COMPANY</span><br /> +<strong>LONDON: MACMILLAN & CO., <span class="smcap">Ltd</span>.<br /> +1901</strong></p> + +<p class="center"><em>All rights reserved</em></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + +<p class="center"> +<span class="smcap">Copyright, 1899,</span><br /> +<span class="smcap">By</span> THE MACMILLAN COMPANY.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<p class="sml">Set up and electrotyped October, 1899. +Reprinted November, 1899; June, 1901.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + +<p class="center"><span class="lge">To Hilda’s Child</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" summary=""> + +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#tutor"><span class="smcap">The Tutor</span></a></td> <td align='right'><em>Frontispiece</em></td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'></td> <td align='right'><span class="smcap">page</span></td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_1"><span class="smcap">A Serious Question</span></a></td> <td align='right'>1</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_2"><span class="smcap">Two Old Kings</span></a></td> <td align='right'>2</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_5"><span class="smcap">A Day Dream</span></a></td> <td align='right'>5</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_7"><span class="smcap">Our Club</span></a></td> <td align='right'>7</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_9"><span class="smcap">Puzzled</span></a></td> <td align='right'>9</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_11"><span class="smcap">An Intercepted Valentine</span></a></td> <td align='right'>11</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_13"><span class="smcap">A Long-Felt Want</span></a></td> <td align='right'>13</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_14"><span class="smcap">The Musical Carp</span></a></td> <td align='right'>14</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_15"><span class="smcap">The Intelligent Hen</span></a></td> <td align='right'>15</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_17"><span class="smcap">The Happy Hyena</span></a></td> <td align='right'>17</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_18"><span class="smcap">A Great Lady</span></a></td> <td align='right'>18</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_20"><span class="smcap">Opulent Ollie</span></a></td> <td align='right'>20</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_21"><span class="smcap">The Two Bears</span></a></td> <td align='right'>21</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_24"><span class="smcap">The Macaroni Man</span></a></td> <td align='right'>24</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_29"><span class="smcap">The 4.04 Train</span></a></td> <td align='right'>29</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_30"><span class="smcap">A Valuable Gift</span></a></td> <td align='right'>30</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_32"><span class="smcap">The Grandiloquent Goat</span></a></td> <td align='right'>32</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_33"><span class="smcap">How the Cat was belled</span></a></td> <td align='right'>33</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_40"><span class="smcap">Triangular Tommy</span></a></td> <td align='right'>40</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_45"><span class="smcap">A Modern Invention</span></a></td> <td align='right'>45</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_46"><span class="smcap">An April Joke</span></a></td> <td align='right'>46</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_48"><span class="smcap">An Alice Alphabet</span></a></td> <td align='right'>48</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_57"><span class="smcap">The Funny Kittens</span></a></td> <td align='right'>57</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_60"><span class="smcap">The Strike of the Fireworks</span></a></td> <td align='right'>60</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_63"><span class="smcap">The Arch Armadillo</span></a></td> <td align='right'>63</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_64"><span class="smcap">A Dream Lesson</span></a></td> <td align='right'>64</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_68"><span class="smcap">The Rivals</span></a></td> <td align='right'>68</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_70"><span class="smcap">The New Cup</span></a></td> <td align='right'>70</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_71"><span class="smcap">A Photographic Failure</span></a></td> <td align='right'>71</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_73"><span class="smcap">Christmas Gifts</span></a></td> <td align='right'>73</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_74"><span class="smcap">Young America</span></a></td> <td align='right'>74</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_75"><span class="smcap">A Bicycle built for Two</span></a></td> <td align='right'>75</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_77"><span class="smcap">Dorothy’s Opinion</span></a></td> <td align='right'>77</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_79"><span class="smcap">Roly Poly Roy</span></a></td> <td align='right'>79</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_85"><span class="smcap">My Barometer</span></a></td> <td align='right'>85</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_86"><span class="smcap">The Butter Betty bought</span></a></td> <td align='right'>86</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_87"><span class="smcap">A Marvel</span></a></td> <td align='right'>87</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_88"><span class="smcap">An Alphabet Zoo</span></a></td> <td align='right'>88</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_94"><span class="smcap">Found Wanting</span></a></td> <td align='right'>94</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_96"><span class="smcap">A Tragic Tale of Tea</span></a></td> <td align='right'>96</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_97"><span class="smcap">The Erratic Rat</span></a></td> <td align='right'>97</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_99"><span class="smcap">The Two Friends</span></a></td> <td align='right'>99</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_102"><span class="smcap">The Smiling Shark</span></a></td> <td align='right'>102</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_103"><span class="smcap">The Mercury’s Plaint</span></a></td> <td align='right'>103</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_105"><span class="smcap">The Pirate Poodle</span></a></td> <td align='right'>105</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_107"><span class="smcap">An Old Love</span></a></td> <td align='right'>107</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_109"><span class="smcap">Bobby’s Pocket</span></a></td> <td align='right'>109</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_112"><span class="smcap">The Instructiphone</span></a></td> <td align='right'>112</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'><a href="#Page_115"><span class="smcap">The Lay of the Lady Lorraine</span></a></td> <td align='right'>115</td> </tr> +</table></div> + + +<hr style="width: 95%;" /> + + +<h2>The Jingle Book</h2> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p> +<h2>A Serious Question</h2> + + +<div class="figright" style="width: 211px; margin-right: 5em;"> +<img src="images/img14-2.png" width="211" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem1">A kitten went a-walking<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">One morning in July,</span><br /> +And idly fell a-talking<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With a great big butterfly.</span></p> + +<p class="poem1">The kitten’s tone was airy,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The butterfly would scoff;</span><br /> +When there came along a fairy<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who whisked his wings right off.</span></p> + +<p class="poem1">And then—for it is written<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Fairies can do such things—</span><br /> +Upon the startled kitten<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">She stuck the yellow wings.</span></p> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 295px;"> +<img src="images/img14-1.png" width="295" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem">The kitten felt a quiver,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">She rose into the air,</span><br /> +Then flew down to the river<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To view her image there.</span></p> + +<p class="poem">With fear her heart was smitten,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And she began to cry,</span><br /> +“Am I a butter-kitten?<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or just a kitten-fly?”</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span></p> +<h2>Two Old Kings</h2> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 356px;"> +<img src="images/img15-1.png" width="356" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;">Oh! the King of Kanoodledum<br /> +And the King of Kanoodledee,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">They went to sea</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">In a jigamaree—</span><br /> +A full-rigged jigamaree.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span></p> +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;">And one king couldn’t steer,<br /> +And the other, no more could he;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">So they both upset</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And they both got wet,</span><br /> +As wet as wet could be.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;"> +<img src="images/img16-1.png" width="350" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;">And one king couldn’t swim<br /> +And the other, he couldn’t, too;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">So they had to float,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While their empty boat</span><br /> +Danced away o’er the sea so blue.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;">Then the King of Kanoodledum<br /> +He turned a trifle pale,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And so did he</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of Kanoodledee,</span><br /> +But they saw a passing sail!</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;">And one king screamed like fun<br /> +And the other king screeched like mad,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And a boat was lowered</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And took them aboard;</span><br /> +And, my! but those kings were glad!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 228px;"> +<img src="images/img17-1.png" width="228" height="200" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 299px;"> +<img src="images/img18-1.png" width="299" height="350" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>A Day Dream</h2> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +Polly’s patchwork—oh, dear me!—<br /> +Truly is a sight to see.<br /> +Rumpled, crumpled, soiled, and frayed—<br /> +Will the quilt be ever made?<br /> +See the stitches yawning wide—<br /> +Can it be that Polly <em>tried</em>?</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span> +Some are right and some are wrong,<br /> +Some too short and some too long,<br /> +Some too loose and some too tight;<br /> +Grimy smudges on the white,<br /> +And a tiny spot of red,<br /> +Where poor Polly’s finger bled.<br /> +Strange such pretty, dainty blocks—<br /> +Bits of Polly’s summer frocks—<br /> +Should have proved so hard to sew,<br /> +And the cause of so much woe!</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +One day it was <em>very</em> hot,<br /> +And the thread got in a knot,<br /> +Drew the seam up in a heap—<br /> +Polly calmly fell asleep.<br /> +Then she had a lovely dream;<br /> +Straight and even was the seam,<br /> +Pure and spotless was the white;<br /> +All the blocks were finished quite—<br /> +Each joined to another one.<br /> +Lo, behold! the quilt was done,—<br /> +Lined and quilted,—and it seemed<br /> +To cover Polly as she dreamed!</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span> +<h2>Our Club</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +We’re going to have the mostest fun!<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">It’s going to be a club;</span><br /> +And no one can belong to it<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But Dot and me and Bub.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 352px;"> +<img src="images/img20-1.png" width="352" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +We thought we’d have a Reading Club,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But couldn’t ’cause, you see,</span><br /> +Not one of us knows how to read—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Not Dot nor Bub nor me.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span> +And then we said a Sewing Club,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But thought we’d better not;</span><br /> +’Cause none of us knows how to sew—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Not me nor Bub nor Dot.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +And so it’s just a Playing Club,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">We play till time for tea;</span><br /> +And, oh, we have the bestest times!<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Just Dot and Bub and me.</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> +<h2>Puzzled</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 7em;"> +There lived in ancient Scribbletown a wise old writer-man,<br /> +Whose name was Homer Cicero Demosthenes McCann.<br /> +He’d written treatises and themes till, “For a change,” he said,<br /> +“I think I’ll write a children’s book before I go to bed.”</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 252px;"> +<img src="images/img22-1.png" width="252" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 7em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span> +He pulled down all his musty tomes in Latin and in Greek;<br /> +Consulted cyclopædias and manuscripts antique,<br /> +Essays in Anthropology, studies in counterpoise—<br /> +“For these,” he said, “are useful lore for little girls and boys.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 7em;"> +He scribbled hard, and scribbled fast, he burned the midnight oil,<br /> +And when he reached “The End” he felt rewarded for his toil;<br /> +He said, “This charming Children’s Book is greatly to my credit.”<br /> +And now he’s sorely puzzled that no child has ever read it.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 310px;"> +<img src="images/img24-1.png" width="310" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>An Intercepted Valentine</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +Little Bo-Peep, will you be mine?<br /> +I want you for my Valentine.<br /> +You are my choice of all the girls,<br /> +With your blushing cheeks and your fluttering curls,<br /> +With your ribbons gay and your kirtle neat,<br /> +None other is so fair and sweet.<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> +Little Bo-Peep, let’s run away,<br /> +And marry each other on Midsummer Day;<br /> +And ever to you I’ll be fond and true,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 10em;">Your faithful Valentine,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 12em;" class="smcap">Little Boy Blue</span>.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> +<h2>A Long-Felt Want</h2> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 271px; margin-left: 5em;"> +<img src="images/img26-1.png" width="271" height="400" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +One day wee Willie and his dog<br /> + Sprawled on the nursery floor.<br /> +He had a florist’s catalogue,<br /> + And turned the pages o’er,</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +Till all at once he gave a spring,<br /> + “Hurrah!” he cried with joy;<br /> +“Mamma, here’s just the very thing<br /> + To give your little boy!</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +“For when we fellows go to school,<br /> + We lose our things, you know;<br /> +And in that little vestibule<br /> + They do get mixed up so.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +“And as you often say you can’t<br /> + Take care of ’em for me,<br /> +Why don’t you buy a <em>rubber plant</em>,<br /> + And an <em>umbrella tree</em>?”</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span> +<h2>The Musical Carp</h2> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 272px; margin-left: 6em; margin-top: 4em;"> +<img src="images/img27-1.png" width="272" height="350" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem"> +There once was a corpulent carp<br /> +Who wanted to play on a harp,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But to his chagrin</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">So short was his fin</span><br /> +That he couldn’t reach up to C sharp.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span> +<h2>The Intelligent Hen</h2> + + +<div class="figright" style="width: 233px;"> +<img src="images/img28-1.png" width="233" height="200" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 5em;"> +’Twas long ago,—a year or so,—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">In a barnyard by the sea,</span><br /> +That an old hen lived whom you may know<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">By the name of Fiddle-de-dee.</span><br /> +She scratched around in the sand all day,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For a lively old hen was she.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 5em;"> +And then do you know, it happened this way<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">In that barnyard by the sea;</span><br /> +A great wise owl came down one day,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And hooted at Fiddle-de-dee,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Just hooted at Fiddle-de-dee.</span><br /> +And he cried, “Hi! Hi! old hen, I say!<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">You’re provincial, it seems to me!”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 5em;"> +“Why, what do you mean?” cried the old red hen,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">As mad as hops was she.</span><br /> +“Oh, I’ve been ’round among great men,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">In the world where the great men be.</span><br /> +And none of them scratch with their claws like you,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">They write with a quill like me.”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 5em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span> +Now very few people could get ahead<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of that old hen, Fiddle-de-dee.</span><br /> +She went and hunted the posy-bed,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And returned in triumphant glee.</span><br /> +And ever since then, that little red hen,<br /> +She writes with a jonquil pen, quil pen,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">She writes with a jonquil pen.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 312px;"> +<img src="images/img29-1.png" width="312" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 255px;"> +<img src="images/img30-1.png" width="255" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>The Happy Hyena</h2> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +There once was a happy Hyena<br /> +Who played on an old concertina.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He dressed very well,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And in his lapel</span><br /> +He carelessly stuck a verbena.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 357px;"> +<img src="images/img31-1.png" width="357" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>A Great Lady</h2> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +This is the Queen of Nonsense Land,<br /> +She wears her bonnet on her hand;<br /> +She carpets her ceilings and frescos her floors,<br /> +She eats on her windows and sleeps on her doors.<br /> +Oh, ho! Oh, ho! to think there could be<br /> +A lady so silly-down-dilly as she!</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +She goes for a walk on an ocean wave,<br /> +She fishes for cats in a coral cave;<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span> +She drinks from an empty glass of milk,<br /> +And lines her potato trees with silk.<br /> +I’m sure that fornever and never was seen<br /> +So foolish a thing as the Nonsense Queen!</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +She ordered a wig for a blue bottle fly,<br /> +And she wrote a note to a pumpkin pie;<br /> +She makes all the oysters wear emerald rings,<br /> +And does dozens of other nonsensible things.<br /> +Oh! the scatterbrained, shatterbrained lady so grand,<br /> +Her Royal Skyhighness of Nonsense Land!</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p> +<h2>Opulent Ollie</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +One Saturday opulent Ollie<br /> +Thought he’d go for a ride on the trolley;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But his pennies were few,—</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He only had two,—</span><br /> +So he went and made mud-pies with Polly.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 342px;"> +<img src="images/img33-1.png" width="342" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Two Bears</h2> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +Prince Curlilocks remarked one day<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To Princess Dimplecheek,</span><br /> +“I haven’t had a real good play<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For more than ’most a week.”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +Said Princess Dimplecheek, “My dear,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Your majesty forgets—</span><br /> +This morning we played grenadier<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With grandpa’s epaulets.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +“And yesterday we sailed to Spain—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">We both were pirates bold,</span><br /> +And braved the wild and raging main<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To seek for hidden gold.”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +“True,” said the prince; “I mind me well—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Right hardily we fought,</span><br /> +And stormed a massive citadel<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To gain the prize we sought.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +“But if your ladyship agrees,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Methinks we’ll go upstairs</span><br /> +And build a waste of arctic seas,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And we’ll be polar bears.”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span> +“Yes, if you’ll promise not to bite,”<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Fair Dimplecheek replied,</span><br /> +Already half-way up the flight,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">His highness by her side.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +“Princess, on that far window-seat,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Go, sit thee down and wait,</span><br /> +While I ask nursie for a sheet,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or maybe six or eight.”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +A pile of sheets his highness brought.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">“Dear princess, pray take these;</span><br /> +Although our path with danger’s fraught,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">We’ll reach the polar seas.”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +Two furry rugs his lordship bore,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Two pairs of mittens white;</span><br /> +He threw them on the nursery floor<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And shouted with delight.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +He spread those sheets—the funny boy—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">O’er table, floor, and chair.</span><br /> +“Princess,” said he, “don’t you enjoy<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">This frosty, bracing air?</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +“These snowy sheets are fields of ice,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">This is an iceberg grim.”</span><br /> +“Yes, dear, I think it’s very nice,”<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">She said, and smiled at him.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span> +And then they donned the rugs of fur,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The mittens, too, they wore;</span><br /> +And Curlilocks remarked to her,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">“Now you must roar and roar.”</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 280px;"> +<img src="images/img36-1.png" width="280" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +Dimplecheek looked out from the cowl<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Formed by her furry rug.</span><br /> +“I’m ’fraid of bears that only growl—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I like the kind that hug.”</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Very Merry Voyage of the Macaroni Man</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +This figure here before you is a Macaroni Man,<br /> +Who is built, as you may notice, on a most ingenious plan.<br /> +His skeleton, I beg to state, is made of hairpins three,<br /> +Which are bent and curved and twisted to a marvellous degree.<br /> +His coat-sleeves and his trouser-legs, his head and eke his waist<br /> +Are made of superfine imported macaroni paste.<br /> +And if you care to listen, you may hear the thrilling tale<br /> +Of the merry Macaroni Man’s extraordinary sail.<br /> +One sunny day he started for a voyage in his yacht,<br /> +His anxious mother called to him, and said, “You’d better not!<br /> +Although the sun is shining bright, I fear that it may rain;<br /> +And don’t you think, my darling boy, you’d better take the train?”<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span> +“Oh, no,” said he, “no clouds I see,—the sky is blue and clear,<br /> +I will return in time for tea—good-by, my mother dear.”</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 299px;"> +<img src="images/img38-1.png" width="299" height="200" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +Full merrily he started off, the day was fine and fair,<br /> +And to his great delight he found no dampness in the air.<br /> +You know if he gets wet, a Macaroni Man is spoiled,<br /> +And if he stands too near the steam, of course he may get boiled.<br /> +But our hero used precautions,—carefully he shunned the spray,—<br /> +And when the steam blew toward him, he just steered the other way.<br /> +Now, as the breeze was from the land, his course lay out to sea;<br /> +He sailed so far that he felt sure he would be late for tea.<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span> +He sailed, and sailed, and sailed, and sailed,—he feared the dew would fall—<br /> +He tried to turn,—but oh, that steam! it would not do at all!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 406px;"> +<img src="images/img39-1.png" width="406" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +A single puff blew toward him, and it nearly cooked his face!<br /> +The mournful Macaroni Man felt sadly out of place.<br /> +But a happy thought occurred to him, “Ha, ha,—ho, ho!” said he,—<br /> +“I’ll just sail on around the world,—and then, it seems to me,<br /> +I’ll reach my home (according to a careful estimate)<br /> +In time for tea, although I’ll be perhaps a trifle late.”<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span> +Then merrily his gallant ship sped o’er the bounding main,<br /> +Quickly he crossed the ocean wide, he flew by France and Spain;<br /> +Covered the Mediterranean, spanned the Suez Canal,—<br /> +“I’ll reach my home to-night,” he thought, “oh, yes, I’m sure I shall.”<br /> +He skimmed the Red Sea like a bird,—the Indian Ocean crossed<br /> +(But once, in Oceanica, he feared that he was lost).</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 410px;"> +<img src="images/img40-1.png" width="410" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +He passed Australia on the fly,—cut over Capricorn,<br /> +And as the sunset gun he heard, he swung around Cape Horn.<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span> +Still at full speed, he sailed due north, he rounded Cape St. Roque,<br /> +Crossed the equator, and found out the Gulf Stream was no joke.<br /> +He coasted by the seaboard States. Hurrah! all danger past,<br /> +Quickly he sailed the last few miles and reached his home at last;<br /> +His mother welcomed him, and said, “I’m glad there was no shower;<br /> +But hurry in, my bonny boy, I’ve waited tea an hour.”</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 181px;"> +<img src="images/img41-1.png" width="181" height="200" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span> +<h2>The 4.04 Train</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +“There’s a train at 4.04,” said Miss Jenny;<br /> +“Four tickets I’ll take. Have you any?”<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Said the man at the door:</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">“Not four for 4.04,</span><br /> +For four for 4.04 is too many.”</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/img43-1.png" width="300" height="273" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>A Valuable Gift</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +Old Father Time, one day<br /> +In his study, so they say,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Was indulging in a surreptitious nap,</span><br /> +When from his drowsy dreams<br /> +He was wakened, as it seems,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">By a timid but persistent little rap.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +He yawned and rubbed his eyes<br /> +In indolent surprise,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then slowly he arose from where he sat;</span><br /> +He opened wide his door,<br /> +And nearly tumbled o’er<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The figure that stood waiting on the mat.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span> +A tiny little dog,<br /> +With excitement all agog,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And angry eyes that seemed to flash and glower.</span><br /> +His manner was polite,<br /> +But he said, “I claim my right!<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And I’ve called, sir, to demand of you my hour.”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +“Your what?” the old man said,<br /> +As he shook his puzzled head;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And the pertinacious puppy spoke with force:</span><br /> +“Well, sir, they often say,<br /> +‘Every dog must have his day,’<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">So a puppy ought to have an hour, of course!”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +The old man shook with glee,<br /> +But he said obligingly,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">“The dog days are all gone, I grieve to say;</span><br /> +But since you’ve come so far,<br /> +And so mannerly you are,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I’ll give you just an hour—to get away.”</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 384px;"> +<img src="images/img44-1.png" width="384" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 277px;"> +<img src="images/img45-1.png" width="277" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>The Grandiloquent Goat</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +A very grandiloquent Goat<br /> +Sat down to a gay table d’hôte;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He ate all the corks,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The knives and the forks,</span><br /> +Remarking: “On these things I dote.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +Then, before his repast he began,<br /> +While pausing the menu to scan,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He said: “Corn, if you please,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And tomatoes and pease,</span><br /> +I’d like to have served in the can.”</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span></p> +<h2>How the Cat was Belled</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +A fable told by La Fontaine,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Two centuries or more ago,</span><br /> +Describes some rats who would arraign<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">A cat, their direst foe,</span><br /> +Who killed so many rats<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And caused the deepest woe,</span><br /> +This Catiline of cats.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +The poor rats were at their wits’ end<br /> +Their homes and families to defend;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And as a last resort</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">They took the case to court.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +It seems they called a caucus wise<br /> +Of rats of every age and size,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And then their dean,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With sapient mien,</span><br /> +A very Solon of a rat,<br /> +Said it was best to bell the cat.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +The quaint old tale goes on to tell<br /> +How this plan would have worked quite well,<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But, somehow, flaws</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Appeared, because</span><br /> +No one would hang the bell.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +Though there the ancient fable ends,<br /> +Later report the tale extends,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">No longer is the truth withheld;</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Developments appear,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And so you have it here.</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">For the first time</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Set down in rhyme</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Just how that cat was belled.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +The council, as ’twas getting late,<br /> +Was just about to separate,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">When suddenly a rat arose</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who said he could a plan propose</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Which would, he thought, succeed</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And meet their urgent need.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +Now as this rat was very small,<br /> +And had no dignity at all,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Although his plan was well advised,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">We really need not be surprised</span><br /> +That all the rats of riper years<br /> +Expressed the gravest doubts and fears;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Till suddenly</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He said, said he,</span><br /> +“If you will leave it all to me,<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">I will avow</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Three days from now</span><br /> +That you shall all be free.”<br /> +The solemn council then adjourned.<br /> +Each rat to home and fireside turned;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But each shook his wise head</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And to his neighbor said:</span><br /> +“It is a dangerous job, in truth,<br /> +Though it seems naught to headstrong youth.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +Now young Sir Rat we next behold,<br /> +With manner brave and visage bold,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Go marching down</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To London town,</span><br /> +Where wondrous things are sold.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">We see him stop</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">At a large shop,</span><br /> +And with the bland clerk’s courteous aid<br /> +This was the purchase that he made:<br /> +A bicycle of finest make,<br /> +With modern gear and patent brake,<br /> +Pedometer, pneumatic tire,<br /> +And spokes that looked like silver wire,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">A lantern bright</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To shine at night,</span><br /> +Enamel finish, nickel plate,<br /> +And all improvements up to date.<br /> +Said sly Sir Rat: “It suits me well,<br /> +Especially that sweet-toned <em>bell</em>.”</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 327px;"> +<img src="images/img49-1.png" width="327" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +The shades of night were falling fast<br /> +When Sir Rat turned toward home at last.<br /> +The neighbors watched him as he passed<br /> +And said: “What is that queer-shaped thing?<br /> +Surely that can’t be made to ring.”<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sir Rat went on, nor stayed</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To hear the jests they made;</span><br /> +And just outside the old cat’s gate<br /> +He stopped and boldly braved his fate,<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For if that cat</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Should smell a rat</span><br /> +How quickly he’d come out and catch him,<br /> +And with what gusto he’d despatch him!<br /> +Sir Rat, against the picket-fence<br /> +Leaned the machine, then hurried hence,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And hid himself with glee,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And waited breathlessly</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To see what that</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Cantankerous cat</span><br /> +Would say, when in the twilight dim<br /> +He saw that brightly shining rim.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sir Rat, though hidden quite,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And safely out of sight,</span><br /> +Had scarcely time to wink his eye,<br /> +When Mr. Cat came sauntering by.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">“Ha! Ha!” said he,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">“What’s this I see,</span><br /> +A bicycle! and just my size!<br /> +Well, this, indeed, is a surprise!<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">I’ll confiscate</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">This treasure great;</span><br /> +How quickly I’ll fly o’er the ground<br /> +When I pursue my hunting round!”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +He mounted it with eager haste,<br /> +It suited well his sporting taste;<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He guided it at will,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And used the brake with skill,</span><br /> +He grasped the handle-bars, and then—<br /> +You see it was his custom when<br /> +He did a thing, to do it well—<br /> +Of course he used the clear-toned bell!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 222px;"> +<img src="images/img51-1.png" width="222" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +Victory now! the deed is done!<br /> +No longer at the set of sun<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> +The rats fly shrieking to their nests,<br /> +They saunter round with merry jests<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And ne’er a thought of fear,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Knowing full well</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They’ll hear the bell</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">When Mr. Cat draws near.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/img52-1.png" width="300" height="148" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +And young Sir Rat who did the deed,<br /> +Whose cleverness relieved their need,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">His wondrous enterprise</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Was lauded to the skies.</span><br /> +And everywhere his name<br /> +Was hailed with shouts of fame.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +In difficulties, oft we see<br /> +Modern improvements frequently<br /> +Will prove a happy remedy.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Rhyme of Triangular Tommy</h2> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 46px; margin-left: 7em;"> +<img src="images/img53-1.png" width="46" height="80" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +Triangular Tommy, one morning in May,<br /> +Went out for a walk on the public highway.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Just here I will say,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">’Twas a bright sunny day,</span><br /> +And the sky it was blue, and the grass it was green,<br /> +The same sky and grass that you’ve all of you seen;<br /> +And the birds in the trees sang their usual song,<br /> +And Triangular Tommy went trudging along.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But I can tell you</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He cared naught for the view.</span><br /> +He did just what small boys of his age always do:<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He shouted out “Scat!”</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">At a wandering cat,</span><br /> +And he picked a big daisy to stick in his hat;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">The clovers he topped,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And the toadstools he cropped,</span><br /> +And sometimes he scuffled and sometimes he hopped.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 57px; margin-left: 7em;"> +<img src="images/img54-1.png" width="57" height="82" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 49px; margin-right: 5em;"> +<img src="images/img54-2.png" width="49" height="80" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +He took an old stick and poked at a worm,<br /> +And merrily chuckled to see the thing squirm;<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span> +When he chanced to look up, and in gorgeous array<br /> +Triangular Tilly was coming his way.<br /> +Triangular Tom straightened up in a jiff,<br /> +And put on his best manner—exceedingly stiff;<br /> +And as far as his angular shape would allow<br /> +Triangular Tom made a beautiful bow.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 65px; margin-top: -6em; margin-right: 5em;"> +<img src="images/img54-3.png" width="65" height="81" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 38px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img54-4.png" width="38" height="81" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +Triangular Tilly went smilingly by,<br /> +With a glance that was friendly, but just a bit shy.<br /> +And Tom so admired her that after she passed,<br /> +A backward look over his shoulder he cast.<br /> +And he said, “Though I think many girls are but silly,<br /> +I really admire that Triangular Tilly.”</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 46px; margin-right: 5em;"> +<img src="images/img54-5.png" width="46" height="81" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +But soon all such thoughts were put out of his head,<br /> +For who should come by but Triangular Ted,<br /> +The very boy Tom had been wishing to see!<br /> +“Hello!” said Triangular Tommy, said he.<br /> +“Hello!” said Triangular Ted, and away<br /> +Those two children scooted to frolic and play.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And they had, on the green,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Where ’twas all dry and clean,</span><br /> +The best game of leap-frog that ever was seen.<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span> +Triangular Tom beat down this way, you know,<br /> +And Triangular Ted stood beside him, just so,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">When one, two, three—go!</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">With the greatest gusto,</span><br /> +Ted flew over Tom in a manner not slow.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 124px; margin-top: -6em; margin-left: 3em;"> +<img src="images/img55-1.png" width="124" height="80" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +They played hide-and-seek, they played marbles and tag,<br /> +They played they were soldiers, and each waved a flag;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Till at last they confessed,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They wanted to rest;</span><br /> +So they sat down and chatted with laughter and jest;</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 115px; margin-top: -5em; margin-right: 1em;"> +<img src="images/img55-2.png" width="115" height="79" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 30px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img55-3.png" width="30" height="79" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +When Schoolmaster Jones they suddenly spied,<br /> +Come clumping along with his pedagogue stride,<br /> +As usual, with manner quite preoccupied;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">With his hat on one side,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And his shoe-lace untied—</span><br /> +A surly old fellow, it can’t be denied;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And each wicked boy</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Thought that he would enjoy</span><br /> +An occasion the thoughtful old man to annoy,<br /> +And all of his wise calculations destroy.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">So they thought they’d employ</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">A means known to each boy.</span><br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span> +And across the wide pavement they fastened a twine<br /> +Exceedingly strong but exceedingly fine;<br /> +And Triangular Tommy laughed out in his glee,<br /> +To think how upset the old master would be!</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 81px; margin-top: 5em; margin-right: 4em;"> +<img src="images/img56-1.png" width="81" height="40" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +Although very wicked, their mischievous scheme<br /> +Was a perfect success; and with a loud scream,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">A horrible clash,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">A thump and a smash,</span><br /> +Old Schoolmaster Jones came down with a crash.<br /> +His hat rolled away, and his spectacles broke,<br /> +And those dreadful boys thought it a howling good joke.<br /> +And they just doubled up in immoderate glee,<br /> +Saying, “Look at the Schoolmaster!<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Tee-hee! tee-hee!”</span></p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 41px; margin-left: 7em;"> +<img src="images/img56-2.png" width="41" height="79" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 41px; margin-right: 6em;"> +<img src="images/img56-3.png" width="41" height="79" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Tom gave a guffaw,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And Ted roared a “haw-haw”;</span><br /> +But soon their diversion was turned into awe,<br /> +For old Schoolmaster Jones was angry, they saw.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 49px; margin-left: 5em;"> +<img src="images/img56-4.png" width="49" height="80" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 68px; margin-left: 6em;"> +<img src="images/img57-1.png" width="68" height="78" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Triangular Ted</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Turned swiftly and fled,</span><br /> +And far down the street like a reindeer he sped,<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span> +Leaving Tommy to face the old gentleman’s rage,<br /> +Who quickly jumped up,—he was brisk for his age,—<br /> +And with just indignation portrayed on his face,<br /> +To Triangular Tommy he quickly gave chase.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 50px; margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 7em;"> +<img src="images/img57-2.png" width="50" height="80" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And hearing his squeals</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And his frantic appeals,</span><br /> +Triangular Tommy fast took to his heels.<br /> +Now Tommy was agile and Tommy was spry;<br /> +He whizzed through the air—he just seemed to fly;<br /> +He rushed madly on, until, dreadful to say!<br /> +He came where the railroad was just in his way—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And alas! and alack!</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He tripped on the track</span><br /> +And then with a terrible, sudden ker-thwack!<br /> +Triangular Tommy sprawled flat on his back—<br /> +And the train came along with a crash, and a crack,<br /> +A din, and a clatter, a clang, and a clack,<br /> +A toot, and a boom, and a roar, and a hiss,<br /> +And chopped him up all into pieces like this—<br /> +If <em>you</em> cut out papers just like them, why, then,<br /> +If you try, you can put him together again.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 80px; margin-top: -5em; margin-right: 5em;"> +<img src="images/img57-3.png" width="80" height="33" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span></p> +<h2>A Modern Invention</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +Old Santa Claus is up-to-date,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And hereafter, rumors say,</span><br /> +He’ll come with his pack of glittering toys,<br /> +And visit the homes of girls and boys,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">In a new reindeerless sleigh.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/img58-1.png" width="300" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span> +<h2>An April Joke</h2> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 268px;"> +<img src="images/img59-1.png" width="268" height="254" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +Oh, it was a merry, gladsome day,<br /> +When the April Fool met the Queen of May;<br /> +She had roguish eyes and golden hair,<br /> +And they were a mischief-making pair.<br /> +They planned the funniest kind of a joke<br /> +On the poor, long-suffering mortal folk;<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span> +And a few mysterious words he said,<br /> +His fool’s cap close to her flower-crowned head.<br /> +Then he laughed till he made his cap-bells ring,<br /> +At the thought of the topsy-turvy Spring.<br /> +“’Tis a fair exchange,” he said, with a wink—<br /> +“It is!” she said, and what do you think?<br /> +The flowers that should bloom in the month of May<br /> +Every one of them came on an April day!<br /> +And they looked for April showers in vain,<br /> +But all through May it did nothing but rain!</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span> +<h2>An Alice Alphabet</h2> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 141px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img61-1.png" width="141" height="154" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 2em;"> +A is for Alice a-dressing the Queen.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figright" style="width: 105px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img61-2.png" width="105" height="154" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 3em;"> +B is for Borogoves, mimsy and lean.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 159px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img61-3.png" width="159" height="103" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 4em; margin-left: 2em;"> +C is the Cheshire Cat, wearing a grin.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span> +<div class="figright" style="width: 120px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img62-1.png" width="120" height="152" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 3em;"> +D is the Duchess who had a sharp chin.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 115px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img62-2.png" width="115" height="155" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 2em;"> +E is the Eaglet who barred out long words.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figright" style="width: 137px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img62-3.png" width="137" height="154" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 3em;"> +F, the Flamingo, the queerest of birds.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 138px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img63-1.png" width="138" height="161" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 2em;"> +G is the Gryphon, loquacious and gay.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figright" style="width: 169px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img63-2.png" width="169" height="139" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 3em;"> +H, Humpty Dumpty in gorgeous array.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 298px; margin-left: 2em;"> +<img src="images/img63-3.png" width="298" height="141" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 3em;"> +I is for Insects with curious names.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span> +<div class="figright" style="width: 164px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img64-1.png" width="164" height="162" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 3em;"> +J is the Jabberwock burbling with flames.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 115px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img64-2.png" width="115" height="70" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 3em; margin-left: 2em;"> +K is the King who was whizzed through the air.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figright" style="width: 137px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img64-3.png" width="137" height="157" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 6em; margin-left: 3em;"> +L is the Lobster who sugared his hair.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 124px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img65-1.png" width="124" height="161" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 2em;"> +M, the Mock Turtle, whose tears freely flowed.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figright" style="width: 214px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img65-2.png" width="214" height="140" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 3em;"> +N is for Nobody seen on the road.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 146px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img65-3.png" width="146" height="55" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 2em; margin-left: 2em;"> +O is for Oysters who trotted so quick.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span> +<div class="figright" style="width: 195px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img66-1.png" width="195" height="135" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 3em;"> +P is the Puppy who played with a stick.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 271px; margin-left: 6em;"> +<img src="images/img66-2.png" width="271" height="176" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 2em;"> +Q is the Queen who ran very fast.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figright" style="width: 123px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img66-3.png" width="123" height="163" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 6em; margin-left: 3em;"> +R is the Rabbit who blew a great blast.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 132px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img67-1.png" width="132" height="111" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 4em; margin-left: 2em;"> +S is the Sheep, on her knitting intent.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figright" style="width: 126px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img67-2.png" width="126" height="146" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 3em;"> +T, Tweedledum, with his noisy lament.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 91px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img67-3.png" width="91" height="153" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 2em;"> +U is the Unicorn, valiant in feud.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span> +<div class="figright" style="width: 130px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img68-1.png" width="130" height="78" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 4em; margin-left: 3em;"> +V is the Violet, saucy and rude.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 164px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img68-2.png" width="164" height="161" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 2em;"> +W, the Walrus, addicted to chat.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figright" style="width: 147px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img68-3.png" width="147" height="148" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 3em;"> +X, Executioner, seeking the cat.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 102px; margin-left: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img69-1.png" width="102" height="155" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 2em;"> +Y is the Youth Father William surveyed.</p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<div class="figright" style="width: 115px; margin-right: 8em;"> +<img src="images/img69-2.png" width="115" height="196" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="cap" style="margin-top: 5em; margin-left: 3em;"> +Z is the Zigzag the mouse’s tail made.</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span> +<h2>The Funny Kittens</h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 260px;"> +<img src="images/img70-1.png" width="260" height="100" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +Once there were some silly kittens,<br /> +And they knitted woolly mittens<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To bestow upon the freezing Hottentots.</span><br /> +But the Hottentots refused them,<br /> +Saying that they never used them<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Unless crocheted of red with yellow spots.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 256px;"> +<img src="images/img70-2.png" width="256" height="130" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +So the silly little kittens<br /> +Took their blue and white striped mittens<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To a Bear who lived within a hollow tree;</span><br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span> +The Bear responded sadly,<br /> +“I would wear your mittens gladly,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But I fear they are too gay for such as me.”</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 369px;"> +<img src="images/img71-1.png" width="369" height="200" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +Then the kittens, almost weeping,<br /> +Came to where a Cow lay sleeping,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And they woke her with this piteous request,</span><br /> +“Won’t you wear our mittens furry?”<br /> +Said the Cow, “My dears, don’t worry;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I will put them on as soon as I am dressed.”</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 250px;"> +<img src="images/img72-1.png" width="250" height="130" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +Then the Cow put on her bonnet<br /> +With a wreath of roses on it,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And a beautiful mantilla fringed with white;</span><br /> +And she donned the pretty mittens,<br /> +While the silly little kittens<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Clapped their paws in admiration at the sight.</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Strike of the Fireworks</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 4em;"> +’Twas the night before the Fourth of July, the people slept serene;<br /> +The fireworks were stored in the old town hall that stood on the village green.<br /> +The steeple clock tolled the midnight hour, and at its final stroke,<br /> +The fire in the queer old-fashioned stove lifted its voice and spoke;<br /> +“The earth and air have naught to do, the water, too, may play,<br /> +And only fire is made to work on Independence Day.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 4em;"> +“I won’t stand such injustice! It’s wrong, beyond a doubt,<br /> +And I shall take my holiday. Good-by, I’m going out!”<br /> +Up spoke a Roman candle then, “The principle is right!<br /> +Suppose we strike, and all agree we will not work to-night!”<br /> +“My stars!” said a small sky-rocket. “What an awful time there’ll be,<br /> +When the whole town comes together to-night, the great display to see!”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 4em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span> +“Let them come,” said a saucy pinwheel, “yes, let them come if they like,<br /> +As a delegate I’ll announce to them that the fireworks are going to strike!”<br /> +“My friends,” said a small cap-pistol, “this movement is all wrong,—<br /> +Gunpowder, noise, and fireworks to Fourth of July belong.<br /> +My great ancestral musket made Independence Day,<br /> +I frown on your whole conspiracy, and you are wrong, I say!”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 4em;"> +And so they talked and they argued, some for and some against,—<br /> +And they progressed no further than they were when they commenced.<br /> +Until in a burst of eloquence a queer little piece of punk<br /> +Arose in his place and said, “I think we ought to show some spunk.<br /> +And I for one have decided, although I am no shirk,<br /> +That to-day is a legal holiday and not even fire should work.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 4em;"> +“And I am of some importance,”—here he gave a pretentious cough,<br /> +“For without my assistance none of you could very well be put off.”<br /> +“You are right,” said the Roman candle, “and I think we are all agreed<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span> +To strike for our rights and our liberty. Hurrah! we shall succeed!”<br /> +The dissenters cried with one accord, “Our objections we withdraw.<br /> +Hurrah, hurrah for the fireworks’ strike!” and they cried again, “Hurrah!”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 4em;"> +Then a match piped up with a tiny voice, “Your splendid scheme I like.<br /> +I agree with all your principles and so I, too, will strike!”<br /> +Suiting the action to the word, the silly little dunce<br /> +Clambered down from his matchsafe and excitedly struck at once.<br /> +He lost his head, and he ran around among the fireworks dry,<br /> +And he cried, “Hurrah for the fireworks’ strike! Hurrah for the Fourth of July!”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 4em;"> +With his waving flame he lit the punk—a firecracker caught a spark,—<br /> +Then rockets and wheels and bombs went off—no longer the place was dark!<br /> +The explosions made a fearful noise, the flames leaped high and higher,<br /> +The village folk awoke and cried, “The town hall is on fire!”<br /> +So the strike of the fireworks ended in a wonderful display<br /> +Of pyrotechnic grandeur on Independence Day!</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Arch Armadillo</h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 234px;"> +<img src="images/img76-1.png" width="234" height="120" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +There once was an arch Armadillo<br /> +Who built him a hut ’neath a willow;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">He hadn’t a bed</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">So he rested his head</span><br /> +On a young Porcupine for a pillow.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span></p> +<h2>A Dream Lesson</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +Once there was a little boy who wouldn’t go to bed,<br /> +When they hinted at the subject he would only shake his head,<br /> +When they asked him his intentions, he informed them pretty straight<br /> +That he wouldn’t go to bed at all, and Nursey needn’t wait.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +As their arguments grew stronger, and their attitude more strict,<br /> +I grieve to say that naughty boy just yelled and screamed and kicked.<br /> +And he made up awful faces, and he told them up and down<br /> +That he wouldn’t go to bed for all the nurses in the town.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +Then Nursey lost her patience, and although it wasn’t right,<br /> +Retorted that for all she cared he might sit up all night.<br /> +He approved of this arrangement, and he danced a jig for joy,<br /> +And turned a somersault with glee; he <em>was</em> a naughty boy.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span> +And so they all went off to bed and left him sitting there,<br /> +Right in the corner by the fire in Grandpa’s big armchair.<br /> +He read his books and played his games,—he even sang a song<br /> +And thought how lovely it would be to sit up all night long.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 196px;"> +<img src="images/img78-1.png" width="196" height="270" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +But soon his games grew stupid, and his puzzles<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">wouldn’t work;</span><br /> +He drew himself up stiffly with a sudden little jerk,<br /> +And he said, “I am not sleepy, and I love to<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">play alone—</span><br /> +And—I—think—” the rest was mumbled in<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">a drowsy monotone.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +He leaned back on the cushions like that night<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">he had the croup;</span><br /> +His head began to wobble and his eyes began<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">to droop;</span><br /> +He closed them for a minute, just to see how<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">it would seem,</span><br /> +And straightway he was sound asleep, and dreamed this awful dream!</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span> +He thought he saw a garden filled with flowers and roses gay,<br /> +A great big gardener with a hoe came walking down his way;<br /> +“Ah, ha!” exclaimed the gardener, as he clutched him by the head,<br /> +“Here’s a fine specimen I’ve found; I’ll plant him in this bed!”</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 265px;"> +<img src="images/img79-1.png" width="265" height="260" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +He held the boy in one big hand, unheeding how he cried,<br /> +And with the other dug a hole enormous, deep, and wide.<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span> +He jammed the little fellow in, and said in gruffest tone,<br /> +“This is the bed for naughty boys who won’t go to their own.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +And then the dirt was shovelled in,—it covered up his toes,<br /> +His ankles, knees, and waist and arms, and higher yet it rose.<br /> +For still the gardener shovelled on, not noticing his cries;<br /> +It came up to his chin and mouth—it almost reached his eyes;</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 6em;"> +Just then he gathered all his strength and gave an awful scream,<br /> +And woke himself, and put an end to that terrific dream.<br /> +And he said, as Nursey tucked him up and bade him snugly rest,<br /> +“When I am planted in a bed, I like my own the best.”</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Rivals</h2> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 302px; margin-top: -1.5em;"> +<img src="images/img81-1.png" width="302" height="420" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 3em; margin-top: 10em;"> +Two well-built men, neither giant nor dwarf,<br /> +Were Monsieur Elims and Mynheer Nworf.<br /> +They lived in a town not far away,<br /> +And spent their time in work and play.<br /> +Now Monsieur Elims was loved by all—<br /> +By rich and poor, by great and small.<br /> +And Mynheer Nworf remarked one day,<br /> +“Brother, explain to me, I pray,<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span> +Why no one likes me as well as you,<br /> +No matter what I may say or do.<br /> +I have stores of knowledge packed in my head;<br /> +I am learned and wise and very well read;<br /> +I can dance, I can sing, I’m extremely polite;<br /> +I am worth a large fortune all in my own right.<br /> +But still,—and this question has caused me much thought,—<br /> +While I am neglected, you’re everywhere sought.”<br /> +Monsieur Elims replied: “My dear sir, that is true,<br /> +But you see, I am I, and you see, you are you.<br /> +If I receive praises and you receive blame,<br /> +’Tis doubtless because each lives up to his name.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 3em;"> +You’ll find his defence rather puzzling, I fear;<br /> +But read their names backward—the meaning is clear.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span> +<h2>The New Cup</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +“I’ve a lovely new cup from Uncle John,”<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Said Dorothy; “only see—</span><br /> +It has beautiful golden letters on,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And they spell ‘<em>Remember Me</em>.’”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +“Oho!” laughed Fred. “Why, Dorothy dear,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">They put that on mugs and plates:</span><br /> +<em>I</em>’ve studied jography ’most a year,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And I know the names of the States.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +And when you see that anywhere,—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">At least, since this fuss with Spain,—</span><br /> +It’s the President who puts it there,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And it means ‘Remember the Maine’!”</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span></p> +<h2>A Photographic Failure</h2> + + +<div class="figright" style="width: 145px; margin-right: 3em;"> +<img src="images/img84-1.png" width="145" height="150" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Saw a patient Periwinkle</span><br /> +With a kodak, sitting idly by a rill.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Feeling a desire awaken</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">For to have his picture taken,</span><br /> +Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle stood stock-still.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Felt his brow begin to wrinkle,</span><br /> +And his pose assume a sad and solemn style;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But the Periwinkle trusted,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">As the focus he adjusted,</span><br /> +That his customer would kindly try to smile.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Felt his eyes begin to twinkle,</span><br /> +And his mouth took on a broad and open grin;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Said the Periwinkle, sadly,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">“If you stretch your jaw so madly,</span><br /> +I fear perhaps that I shall tumble in.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Felt his hair begin to crinkle,</span><br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span> +As it rose up on his forehead in affright;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Though his comrade spoke so mildly,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Mr. Hinkle wondered wildly,</span><br /> +How he could escape this dire and awful plight.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Said, “I fear it’s going to sprinkle,</span><br /> +And really for a storm I’m not prepared.”<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Then without a further warning</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He politely said, “Good morning,”</span><br /> +And the patient Periwinkle stood and stared.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 120px;"> +<img src="images/img85-1.png" width="120" height="270" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span> +<h2>Christmas Gifts</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +Ten Christmas presents standing in a line;<br /> +Robert took the bicycle, then there were nine.<br /> +Nine Christmas presents ranged in order straight;<br /> +Bob took the steam engine, then there were eight.<br /> +Eight Christmas presents—and one came from Devon;<br /> +Robbie took the jackknife, then there were seven.<br /> +Seven Christmas presents direct from St. Nick’s;<br /> +Bobby took the candy box, then there were six.<br /> +Six Christmas presents, one of them alive;<br /> +Rob took the puppy dog, then there were five.<br /> +Five Christmas presents yet on the floor;<br /> +Bobbin took the soldier cap, then there were four.<br /> +Four Christmas presents underneath the tree;<br /> +Bobbet took the writing desk, then there were three.<br /> +Three Christmas presents still in full view;<br /> +Robin took the checker board, then there were two.<br /> +Two Christmas presents, promising fun,<br /> +Bobbles took the picture book, then there was one.<br /> +One Christmas present—and now the list is done;<br /> +Bobbinet took the sled, and then there were none.<br /> +And the same happy child received every toy,<br /> +So many nicknames had one little boy.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span></p> +<h2><span style="margin-left: 5em;">Young America</span></h2> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 297px; margin-top: -5em;"> +<img src="images/img87-1.png" width="297" height="285" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem"> +Wee Willie sat a-thinking,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And he shook his curly head.</span><br /> +Around him on the nursery floor<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">His treasures lay outspread.</span></p> + +<p class="poem"> +Firecrackers and torpedoes,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Trumpet and flag and drum,</span><br /> +Rockets and pinwheels and paper caps,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For Fourth of July had come.</span></p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 92px; margin-right: 5em;"> +<img src="images/img87-2.png" width="92" height="140" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +“But it makes me sort o’ sorry,”<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Wee Willie said with a sigh,</span><br /> +“To think of those poor little English boys<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Without any Fourth of July.”</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span></p> +<h2>A Bicycle built for Two</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +There was an ambitious young eel<br /> +Who determined to ride on a wheel;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">But try as he might,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">He couldn’t ride right,</span><br /> +In spite of his ardor and zeal.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +If he sat on the saddle to ride<br /> +His tail only pedalled one side;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And I’m sure you’ll admit</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">That an eel <em>couldn’t</em> sit</span><br /> +On a bicycle saddle astride.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +Or if he hung over the top,<br /> +He could go, but he never could stop;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">For of course it is clear</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">He had no way to steer,</span><br /> +And under the wheel he would flop.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +His neighbor, observing the fun,<br /> +Said, “I think that the thing can be done,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">If you’ll listen to me,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">You’ll quickly agree</span><br /> +That two heads are better than one.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span> +“And this is my project, old chap,<br /> +Around our two waists I will wrap<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">This beautiful belt</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Of bottle-green felt</span><br /> +And fasten it firm with a strap.”</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 240px;"> +<img src="images/img89-1.png" width="240" height="191" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +This done, with a dignified mien<br /> +The two squirmed up on the machine,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And rode gayly away,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Or at least, so they say,</span><br /> +Who witnessed the wonderful scene.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 250px;"> +<img src="images/img90-1.png" width="250" height="250" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>Dorothy’s Opinion</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +Mamma has bought a calendar,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And every single page</span><br /> +Has pictures on of little girls<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">’Most just about my age.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +And when she bought it yesterday,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Down at the big bazaar,</span><br /> +She said, “What lovely little girls,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">How true to life they are.”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span> +But I don’t think they’re true to life,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And I’ll just tell you why;</span><br /> +They never have a rumpled frock<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or ribbon bow awry.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +And though they play with cats and dogs,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And rabbits and white mice,</span><br /> +And sail their boats and fly their kites,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">They always look so nice.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +And I am sure no little girl<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">That ever <em>I</em> have seen,</span><br /> +Could play with dogs or sail a boat<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And keep her frock so clean.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 209px;"> +<img src="images/img91-1.png" width="209" height="80" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Roll of Roly Poly Roy</h2> + + +<div class="figright" style="width: 57px; margin-right: 7em;"> +<img src="images/img92-1.png" width="57" height="116" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +Once on a time a lad I knew—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">His sister called him Bubby;</span><br /> +His cheeks were red, his eyes were blue,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And he was plump and chubby.</span><br /> +Indeed, he was so stout a boy,<br /> +Some called him Roly Poly Roy;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They called him that</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">For he was fat</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And very plump and chubby.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 140px;"> +<img src="images/img92-2.png" width="140" height="67" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +He caused his father grief profound,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And made his mother worry,</span><br /> +Because he’d roll along the ground<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">When he was in a hurry.</span><br /> +For as he couldn’t see his toes,<br /> +He often tumbled on his nose;<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">So, on the whole,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">’Twas best to roll</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When he was in a hurry.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +“Get up!” the people urged, but he<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Replied, “There’s no use talking;</span><br /> +I roll around because, you see,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">It’s easier than walking.”</span><br /> +And though it looked extremely droll<br /> +To see the lad lie down and roll,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">It was, forsooth,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">For that fat youth</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Far easier than walking.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 131px;"> +<img src="images/img93-1.png" width="131" height="176" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +One day he thought he’d try to ride;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Alas, he was so bulky,</span><br /> +He tumbled off the other side,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which made him rather sulky.</span><br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span> +He heard his comrades jeer and scoff,<br /> +Again he tried and tumbled off,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And when he fell</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They’d shout and yell—</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of course it made him sulky.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +Just out of town there was a place<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With rolling ground and hilly,</span><br /> +And here Roy started for a race<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With Dick and Tom and Willy.</span><br /> +You’ll know of course before you’re told<br /> +That Roy just laid him down and rolled;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And so, you see,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He easily</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Beat Dick and Tom and Willy.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +That day two giants came along<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">From Huncamunca Valley,</span><br /> +Seeking some tenpins good and strong<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For their new bowling alley.</span><br /> +They reached the hilly sort of place<br /> +Just as our hero won the race;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">“Look at him roll!”</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They said. “He’ll bowl</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">On our new bowling alley.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +“The other boys are squarely built;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For tenpins they’ll do finely!</span><br /> +No matter if a few get kilt,”<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And then they smiled benignly.</span><br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span> +Quickly they kidnapped ten small boys,<br /> +All howling with a fearful noise;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They took them all,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And Roy for ball,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And then they smiled benignly.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 271px;"> +<img src="images/img95-1.png" width="271" height="398" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +They hurried to their home and then<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Began their barbarous bowling.</span><br /> +They set in rows the children ten<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And then set Roy a-rolling.</span><br /> +But as the giants were strong and great,<br /> +They shot poor Roy at such a rate,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And with such might,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">That out of sight</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Poor Roy was set a-rolling.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 304px;"> +<img src="images/img96-1.png" width="304" height="184" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +He rolled and rolled and rolled and rolled,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But soon, his fears dispelling,</span><br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span> +With happiness he did behold<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He’d safely reached his dwelling.</span><br /> +Secure and safe from further harms,<br /> +His mother caught him in her arms,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And said with joy,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">“My darling boy,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">You’ve safely reached your dwelling.”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +Now rolling seems to him to be<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">More dangerous than walking.</span><br /> +And Roly Poly Roy you’ll see<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Along the sidewalks stalking.</span><br /> +He’ll always have a certain fear<br /> +That giants may be lurking near,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And so he’ll go</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">With motion slow</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Along the sidewalk stalking.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 95px;"> +<img src="images/img97-1.png" width="95" height="190" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span> +<h2>My Barometer</h2> + + +<div class="figright" style="width: 168px; margin-top: -3.5em; margin-right: 2em;"> +<img src="images/img98-1.png" width="168" height="150" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +My little maid with golden hair<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Comes each morning for a kiss;</span><br /> +And I know the day will be fine and fair<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">When Polly looks like this.</span></p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 142px; margin-top: -2em;"> +<img src="images/img98-2.png" width="142" height="150" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +Or I know the clouds will frown and lower,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The skies will be dull and gray,</span><br /> +And perhaps there’ll be a passing shower,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">When Polly looks this way.</span></p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 177px; margin-top: -2em; margin-right: 3em;"> +<img src="images/img98-3.png" width="177" height="150" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +But a violent storm of rain or snow<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I can prognosticate,</span><br /> +For the sign will never fail, I know,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">When this is Polly’s pate.</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Butter Betty Bought</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +Betty Botta bought some butter;<br /> +“But,” said she, “this butter’s bitter!<br /> +If I put it in my batter<br /> +It will make my batter bitter.<br /> +But a bit o’ better butter<br /> +Will but make my batter better.”<br /> +Then she bought a bit o’ butter<br /> +Better than the bitter butter,<br /> +Made her bitter batter better.<br /> +So ’twas better Betty Botta<br /> +Bought a bit o’ better butter.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 319px;"> +<img src="images/img100-1.png" width="319" height="250" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>A Marvel</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +An old astronomer there was<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who lived up in a tower,</span><br /> +Named Ptolemy Copernicus<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Flammarion McGower.</span><br /> +He said: “I can prognosticate<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With estimates correct;</span><br /> +And when the skies I contemplate,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I know what to expect.</span><br /> +When dark’ning clouds obscure my sight,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I think perhaps ’twill rain;</span><br /> +And when the stars are shining bright,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I know ’tis clear again.”</span><br /> +And then abstractedly he scanned<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The heavens, hour by hour,</span><br /> +Old Ptolemy Copernicus<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Flammarion McGower.</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span> +<h2>An Alphabet Zoo</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">A</span> was an apt Alligator,<br /> +Who wanted to be a head-waiter;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He said, “I opine</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">In that field I could shine,</span><br /> +Because I am such a good skater.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">B</span> was a beggarly Bear,<br /> +Who carefully curled his front hair;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He said, “I would buy</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">A red-spotted tie,—</span><br /> +But I haven’t a penny to spare.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">C</span> was a cool Chimpanzee,<br /> +Who went to an afternoon tea.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">When they said, “Will you take</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">A caraway cake?”</span><br /> +He greedily took twenty-three!</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">D</span> was a diligent Doe,<br /> +In summer she shovelled the snow;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">In the spring and the fall</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">She did nothing at all,</span><br /> +And in winter the grass she would mow.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span></p> +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">E</span> was an erudite Ermine,<br /> +Who tried very hard to determine<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">If he <em>should</em> earn a cent,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">How it ought to be spent,</span><br /> +And decided to purchase a sermon.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">F</span> was a fussy Flamingo,<br /> +Who remarked to his family, “By jingo!<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">I think I would go</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To that animal show,</span><br /> +But they all talk such barbarous lingo.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">G</span> was a giddy Gazelle,<br /> +Who never could learn how to spell;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But she managed to pass</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To the head of her class,</span><br /> +Because she did fractions so well.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">H</span> was a haughty young Hawk,<br /> +Who affected society talk;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But when introduced</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">At a large chicken roost</span><br /> +He excitedly screamed out, “Oh, Lawk!”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">I</span> was an idle Iguana,<br /> +Who lived upon curried banana;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">With tears he’d protest</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">That he never could rest</span><br /> +Till he learned to sing “Eileen Alanna.”</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span></p> +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">J</span> was a jimp Jaguar,<br /> +Who purchased a Spanish guitar;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He played popular airs</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">At <em>fêtes</em> and at fairs,</span><br /> +And down at the Fancy Bazaar.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">K</span> was a kind Kangaroo,<br /> +Whose bonnet was always askew;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">So they asked her to wait</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">While they put it on straight</span><br /> +And fastened it firmly with glue.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">L</span> was a lachrymose Leopard,<br /> +Who ate up twelve sheep and a shepherd,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But the real reason why</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He continued to cry</span><br /> +Was his food was so lavishly peppered.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">M</span> was a mischievous Marten,<br /> +Who went to the Free Kindergarten;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">When they asked him to plat</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">A gay-colored mat,</span><br /> +He tackled the job like a Spartan.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">N</span> was a naughty Nylghau,<br /> +Who wandered too near a buzz saw.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">It cut off his toes,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And the shrieks that arose</span><br /> +Filled all of the neighbors with awe.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span></p> +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">O</span> was an ossified Oyster,<br /> +Who decided to enter a cloister.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He could not return,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">So continued to yearn</span><br /> +For his home in the sea, which was moister.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">P</span> was a poor old Poll Parrot,<br /> +Who had nothing to eat but a carrot,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And nothing to wear</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But a wig of red hair,</span><br /> +And nowhere to live but a garret.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">Q</span> was a querulous Quab<br /> +Who at every trifle would sob;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He said, “I detest</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To wear a plaid vest,</span><br /> +And I hate to eat corn from the cob!”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">R</span> was a rollicking Ram,<br /> +Attired in an old pillow sham.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">When asked if he’d call</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">At the masquerade ball,</span><br /> +He said, “I’ll go just as I am.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">S</span> was a shy Salamander,<br /> +Who slept on a sunny veranda.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">She calmly reposed,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But, alas! while she dozed</span><br /> +They caught her and killed her and canned her.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span></p> +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">T</span> was a tidy young Tapir,<br /> +Who went out to bring in the paper;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And when he came back</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He made no muddy track,</span><br /> +For he wiped his feet clean on the scraper.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">U</span> was a young Unicorn,<br /> +The bravest that ever was born.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They bought him a boat</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And they set him afloat,</span><br /> +And straightway he sailed for Cape Horn.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">V</span> was a vigorous Vulture,<br /> +Who taught animals physical culture;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">When a pupil dropped dead,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">The kind teacher said,</span><br /> +“You needn’t consider sepulture.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">W</span> was a wild Worm,<br /> +All day he did nothing but squirm.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They sent him to school,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But he broke every rule,</span><br /> +And left at the end of the term.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">X</span> was a Xiphias brave,<br /> +Who lived on the crest of the wave.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To each fish he would say,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">“Good day, sir, good day!”</span><br /> +And then a polite bow he gave.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span></p> +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">Y</span> was a young Yellowhammer,<br /> +Who raised a ridiculous clamor;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And he chattered until</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">An owl said, “Keep still!</span><br /> +I’m trying to study my grammar.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12.5em;"> +<span class="dropcap">Z</span> was a zealous old Zibet,<br /> +Toboggans he tried to prohibit.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">If any one tried</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To take a sly slide,</span><br /> +He ordered him hanged on a gibbet.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span></p> + +<h2><span style="margin-left: 2em;">Found Wanting</span></h2> + +<div id="content"> + +<div class="wrap_area"> +<img src="images/img107-1.png" width="271" height="354" alt="image" title="" /> + + <div class="shape_wrap"> + <div style="width: 170px; height: 140px;"></div> + <div style="width: 260px; height: 115px;"></div> + <div style="width: 1px; height: 115px;"></div></div> + +<p class="poem"> +There lived a wondrous sculptor once, a genius in his way,<br /> +Named Phidias Praxiteles Canova Merryday.<br /> +He sat within his studio and said, “I really must<br /> +Begin a Rhodian anaglyptic ceroplastic bust.</p> + +<p class="poem"><br /> +“My customers demand them, their fame rings near and far,<br /> +But then, alas, the trouble is, I don’t know what they are.<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span> +Though I could carve a Venus or a Belvedere with ease,<br /> +My wondrous skill is lacking when it comes to carving these.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 7em;"><br /> +“I cast and cut and chisel, I model and I mould,<br /> +I copy poses picturesque from studies new and old;<br /> +In marble, bronze, and potter’s clay, in wax and wood and stone<br /> +I carve the old-time statues with improvements of my own.</p></div></div> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 231px;"> +<img src="images/img108-1.png" width="231" height="251" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem"> +“I have Apollo on a horse, Minerva on a wheel,<br /> +Hercules going fishing with his basket and his creel.<br /> +A Mercury on roller-skates, Diana with a hat,<br /> +And Venus playing tennis with Achilles at the bat.</p> + +<p class="poem"> +“Yet these my customers pass by, and ask with interest keen,<br /> +For things with long and tiresome names,—I don’t know<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 4em;">what they mean.</span><br /> +And so I let my hammers hang, and let my chisels rust,<br /> +For I cannot do an anaglyptic ceroplastic bust.”</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span></p> +<h2>A Tragic Tale of Tea</h2> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 203px;"> +<img src="images/img109-1.png" width="203" height="102" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +The Beetle was blind, and the Bat was blinder,<br /> +And they went to take tea with the Scissors-grinder.<br /> +The Scissors-grinder had gone away<br /> +Across the ocean to spend the day;<br /> +But he’d tied his bell to the grapevine swing.<br /> +The Bat and the Beetle heard it ring,<br /> +And neither the Beetle nor Bat could see<br /> +Why no one offered them any tea.<br /> +So, polite and patient, they’re waiting yet<br /> +For the cup of tea they expect to get.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 181px; margin-top: -10em;"> +<img src="images/img109-2.png" width="181" height="232" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Erratic Rat</h2> + + +<div class="figright" style="width: 126px; margin-right: 5em;"> +<img src="images/img110-1.png" width="126" height="137" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +There was a ridiculous Rat<br /> +Who was awfully puffy and fat.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">“I’ll carry,” he said,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">“This plate on my head,</span><br /> +’Twill answer in place of a hat.”</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 178px;"> +<img src="images/img110-2.png" width="178" height="126" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +And then he remarked with a frown,<br /> +“I suppose that I must have a gown;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">I’ll make me a kilt</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Of this old crazy-quilt,</span><br /> +To wear when I’m going to town.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +“And of course, though the weather is warm,<br /> +It may be there’ll come up a storm;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">An umbrella I’ll make</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Of a caraway cake,</span><br /> +It’ll match with my whole uniform.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span> +And I’ll carry a bottle of ink<br /> +In case I should wish for a drink;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And this flat-iron so sweet</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">I’ll take with me to eat,</span><br /> +And now I am ready, I think.”</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 215px;"> +<img src="images/img111-1.png" width="215" height="175" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 250px;"> +<img src="images/img112-1.png" width="250" height="250" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>The Two Friends</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 5em;"> +A Spider and a Centipede went out to take a walk;<br /> +The Centipede said frankly, “I will listen while you talk,<br /> +But I may appear distracted, or assume a vacant stare,<br /> +Because to keep my feet in step requires my constant care.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> + Said the Spider: “I appreciate your most peculiar case,<br /> + And your feet must be quite handy when you want to run a race;<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span> + But though you gain in some ways, in some other ways you lose;<br /> + And, of course, my friend, you must be quite extravagant in shoes.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 5em;"> +“Ah! yes. Ah! yes,” a heavy sigh escaped the Centipede;<br /> +“And I have other trials, too;—my life is hard indeed!<br /> +Why, sometimes when I’m very tired, a long, long time it takes<br /> +To ascertain with certainty which foot it is that aches.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 5em;"> +“And when I go to dancing-class on Saturdays at three,<br /> +I find the First Position very difficult for me.<br /> +Though I put my best foot foremost, and good time I try to keep,<br /> +To my chagrin, I often find a foot or two asleep.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> + Athletics I attempted, but, alas! I must admit<br /> + That every exercise I tried I put my foot in it.<br /> + I think I’ll join a foot-ball team,—as many friends suggest,—<br /> + Before I’ve one foot in the grave and gout in all the rest.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 5em;"> +But now I’ll say good-morning; for, my friend, I have to stop<br /> +To get my boots blacked neatly at this little boot-black’s shop;<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span> +And, as you may imagine, it will keep me here some time,<br /> +But, what is worse, I’ll have to pay him many a hard-earned dime.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> + The Spider said good-morning, and pursued his way alone,<br /> + And as he went he murmured, in a thoughtful undertone:<br /> + “I’m a happy little Spider, and I’m very glad indeed,<br /> + That I was born an octoped and not a centipede!”</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 108px;"> +<img src="images/img114-1.png" width="108" height="100" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span> +<h2>The Smiling Shark</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +There was an old Shark with a smile<br /> +So broad you could see it a mile.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">He said to his friends,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">As he sewed up the ends,</span><br /> +“It was really too wide for the style.”</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 280px;"> +<img src="images/img115-1.png" width="280" height="289" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Mercury’s Plaint</h2> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 114px; margin-right: 4.5em;"> +<img src="images/img116-1.png" width="114" height="227" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 12em;"> +I don’t know why I’m slandered so,<br /> +If I go high,—if I go low,—<br /> +There’s always some one who will say,<br /> +“Just see that mercury to-day!”<br /> +And whether toward the top I crawl<br /> +Or down toward zero I may fall,<br /> +They always fret, and say that I<br /> +Am far too low or far too high.<br /> +Although I try with all my might,<br /> +I never seem to strike it right.<br /> +Now I admit it seems to me<br /> +They show great inconsistency.<br /> +But <em>they</em> imply <em>I</em> am to blame;<br /> +Of course that makes my anger flame,<br /> +And in a fiery fit of pique<br /> +I stay at ninety for a week.<br /> +Or sometimes in a dull despair,<br /> +I give them just a frigid stare;<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span> +And as upon their taunts I think<br /> +My spirits down to zero sink.<br /> +Mine is indeed a hopeless case;<br /> +To strive to please the human race!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 119px;"> +<img src="images/img117-1.png" width="119" height="310" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span> +<h2>The Pirate Poodle</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +Once there was a Pirate Poodle,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And he sailed the briny seas</span><br /> +From the land of Yankee Doodle<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Southward to the Caribbees.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 279px;"> +<img src="images/img118-1.png" width="279" height="250" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +He would boast with tales outlandish,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of his valor and renown;</span><br /> +And his cutlass he would brandish<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With a fearful pirate frown.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span> +So ferocious was his manner<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">All his crew looked on, aghast;</span><br /> +And his fearful pirate banner<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Floated from his pirate mast.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +He reiterated proudly<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Naught had power to make him quail;</span><br /> +Yet when thunder roared <em>too</em> loudly<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He would turn a trifle pale.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +And he turned a little paler<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">When there came a sudden squall;</span><br /> +For this funny little sailor<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Was ridiculously small.</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/img119-1.png" width="300" height="176" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +And whene’er a storm portended<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He’d betake himself below.</span><br /> +So much fear and courage blended<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Did a pirate ever show?</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 219px;"> +<img src="images/img120-1.png" width="219" height="250" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>An Old Love</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +Priscilla, Auntie’s promised me<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">A brand-new Paris doll;</span><br /> +And though I love you, yet you see<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I cannot keep you all.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +Nursey declares I really must<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Throw one of you away;</span><br /> +And you’re the oldest, so I trust<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">You will not care to stay.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +You’ve lost an arm, your dress is torn,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Your wig is all awry;</span><br /> +Priscilla, you are so forlorn,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">We’ll have to say good-by.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span> +And yet—oh, don’t! my dolly dear,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;"><em>Don’t</em> look so sad, I pray!</span><br /> +You precious dolly, come right here,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">You <em>shan’t</em> be thrown away!</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +You’re ragged, yes, and lame and blind,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">You’re really but a wreck;</span><br /> +But, dear Priscilla, never mind,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;"><em>I</em> do not care a speck.</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 13em;"> +Your eyes do nicely when they’re shut,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And I can mend the rest;</span><br /> +Well—p’raps I’ll love the new one—but<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I’ll always love <em>you</em> best.</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span> +<h2>Bobby’s Pocket</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +Our Bobby is a little boy, of six years old, or so;<br /> +And every kind of rubbish in his pocket he will stow.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +One day he thought he’d empty it (so he again could stock it);<br /> +And here’s an alphabet of what was found in Bobby’s pocket.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class="dropcap1">A</span> was a rosy Apple, with some bites out, here and there;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">B</span> was a bouncing rubber Ball that bounded in the air.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class="dropcap1">C</span> was a crispy crusty Cake with citron on the top;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">D</span> was a dancing Donkey that could jump around and hop.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class="dropcap1">E</span> was a little robin’s Egg, all speckled blue and brown;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">F</span> was a fluffy Feather that was white and soft as down.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class="dropcap1">G</span> was a lively Grasshopper, whose legs and wings were green;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">H</span> was a grimy Handkerchief that once perhaps was clean.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span> +<span class="dropcap1">I</span> was a plaster Image that had lost its plaster head;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">J</span> was a jolly Jumping-Jack all painted blue and red.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class="dropcap1">K</span> was a keen and shining Knife, ’twould cut the toughest bark;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">L</span> was a little wooden Lion, strayed out of Noah’s Ark.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class="dropcap1">M</span> was a Marble, large and round, with colors bright and clear;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">N</span> was a bent and rusty Nail, of little use, I fear.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class="dropcap1">O</span> was a tiny Oil-can, which was always upside down;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">P</span> was a Penny Bob had saved to spend some day in town.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class="dropcap1">Q</span> was a Quilted ear-tab, which had lost its velvet mate;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">R</span> was a Ring with a glassy gem of wondrous size and weight.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class="dropcap1">S</span> was a String, a piece of Soap, a Stone, a Sponge, a Stick;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">T</span> was a lump of Taffy, exceeding soft and thick.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class="dropcap1">U</span>, an Umbrella-handle, of silver-mounted horn;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">V</span> was a comic Valentine, a little creased and worn.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class="dropcap1">W</span> was some sticky Wax, lovely to pinch and mould;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">X</span> was an old Xpress receipt, worn out in every fold.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span> +<span class="dropcap1">Y</span> was a lot of Yellow Yarn, all bunched up like a mop;<br /> +<span class="dropcap1">Z</span> was a jagged piece of Zinc, found in a plumber’s shop.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 8em;"> +All these are Bob’s possessions; he loves every single thing;<br /> +And owning all these treasures he’s as happy as a King!</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Instructiphone</h2> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 164px;"> +<img src="images/img125-1.png" width="164" height="250" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +There was a youthful genius once, a boy of thirteen years,<br /> +Named Cyrus Franklin Edison Lavoisier De Squeers.<br /> +To study he was not inclined, for fun he had a bent;<br /> +But there was just one article he wanted to invent.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +“It’s a sort of a contraption which will work itself,” he said,<br /> +“And, without studying, will put my lessons in my head.”<br /> +He thought and puzzled o’er his plan, he worked with might and main<br /> +To utilize the wondrous schemes within his fertile brain:</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +Until at last the thing was done, and to his friends said he:<br /> +“It is the wonder of the age! Success I can foresee!<br /> +My great invention is complete, and—’tis no idle vaunt—<br /> +I’m sure that my Instructiphone will fill a long-felt want.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span> +“The action is quite simple—I will try to make it clear:<br /> +This funnel-shaped receiver I apply to my left ear;<br /> +Then in this hopper I will put whate’er I wish to learn—<br /> +A page of history or of Greek,—and then this crank I’ll turn.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +“The topic goes into this tube, a sort of phonograph<br /> +Which acts directly on my mind,—it <em>does</em>, you needn’t laugh!<br /> +I do not have to think at all, for, as I pull this chain,<br /> +My wonderful machine transmits the knowledge to my brain.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +The plan was good, the works were fine, and yet there was a flaw;<br /> +When Cyrus turned the crank around, the neighbors watched with awe.<br /> +He confidently pulled the chain with motion quick and deft;<br /> +The knowledge entered his right ear—and came out at his left.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +He tried again,—a page of Greek; he tried a theme occult,—<br /> +A message and an errand,—every time the same result!<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span> +Then Cyrus knew that somehow his machine had missed its aim;<br /> +For though the works ran smoothly it was always just the same.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +No matter what the book might be, or what it was about,<br /> +It would go in at one ear,—at the other ’twould come out!<br /> +So in his laboratory, baffled Cyrus sitting lone,<br /> +Strives to correct the sad defect in his Instructiphone.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 10em;"> +But it is my opinion, there’s no fault in the machine:<br /> +The trouble is that Cyrus is like other boys I’ve seen.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span></p> +<h2>The Lay of the Lady Lorraine</h2> + + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +The Lady Lorraine was sweet and fair;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Lady Lorraine was young;</span><br /> +She had wonderful eyes and glorious hair,<br /> +And a voice of a cadence rich and rare;<br /> +Oh, she was a lady beyond compare—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">By all were her praises sung,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Till valley and plain</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Took up the refrain,</span><br /> +And rang with the praise of the Lady Lorraine.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +And besides all charms of form and face,<br /> +There were other attractions about Her Grace;<br /> +Besides her delicate, lily-white hands,<br /> +She had rolling acres and broad, rich lands;<br /> +Besides her patrician coat of arms,<br /> +She had far-reaching forests and fertile farms;<br /> +And of many an ancient and wide domain<br /> +The beautiful lady was châtelaine.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">So of course at her door</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">There were suitors galore;</span><br /> +They came by the dozen, and came by the score.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 298px;"> +<img src="images/img129-1.png" width="298" height="351" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +They came in droves, and they came in hordes,<br /> +Titled nobility,—princes, lords,<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span> +Dukes and marquises, viscounts and peers,<br /> +Ambassadors, marshals, grandees, grenadiers,<br /> +Barons and baronets, earls, and esquires,<br /> +Illustrious sons of illustrious sires:<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">But ’twas ever in vain</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">They sought to attain</span><br /> +The heart and the hand of the Lady Lorraine.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And day after day</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">They turned sadly away;</span><br /> +For the Lady Lorraine continued to say,<br /> +Decidedly, certainly, stubbornly, “Nay!”<br /> +She cared not for wreaths of laurel or bay,<br /> +Their titles or rent rolls or uniforms gay,<br /> +Their medals or ribbons or gaudy display,<br /> +Their splendid equipment, demeanor, or bearing;<br /> +She observed not their manners, nor what they were wearing;<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span> +Their marvellous exploits for her had no charms:<br /> +Their prowess in tourney, their valor at arms;<br /> +Their wondrous achievements of brawn or of brain,—<br /> +All, all were as naught to the Lady Lorraine.<br /> +To each suitor she’d say, with her hand on her heart,<br /> +“Sir, I ask of you only that you will depart.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +In vain they entreated, they begged and they plead,<br /> +They coaxed and besought, and they sullenly said<br /> +That she was hard-hearted, unfeeling, and cruel.<br /> +They challenged each other to many a duel;<br /> +They scowled and they scolded, they sulked and they sighed,<br /> +But they could not win Lady Lorraine for a bride.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +Now the reason for this, as you may have divined,<br /> +Was because in her maidenly heart was enshrined<br /> +The image of one who was just to her mind:<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Who was loving and kind,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">To whose faults she was blind,—</span><br /> +The lord of her heart, and the love of her life,<br /> +To whom she had promised to be a fond wife.<br /> +Her Highness was happy, for even now he<br /> +Was hastening to her across the blue sea.<br /> +He had written to say he was then on the way,<br /> +And would greet his fair lady on Christmas day.</p> + +<hr style='width: 25%;' /> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 162px; margin-top: 5em;"> +<img src="images/img131-1.png" width="162" height="119" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +’Twas Christmas eve. In the old oak hall<br /> +Preparations were made for the Christmas ball.<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span> +Gay garlands were hung from ceiling and wall;<br /> +The Yule log was laid, the tables arrayed,<br /> +And the Lady Lorraine and her whole cavalcade,<br /> +From the pompous old steward to the scullery-maid,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Were all in a fluster,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Excitement and bluster,</span><br /> +And everything shone with a marvellous lustre.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +Such savory viands the larders presented;<br /> +Such wondrous confections the bakers invented:<br /> +Such pasties and cates of eccentric design;<br /> +Such sparkling decanters of rarest old wine;<br /> +And ready at hand was the great wassail-bowl,<br /> +And the jolly old boar’s head, with lemon, so droll.<br /> +The nook for musicians was carefully planned,<br /> +And carols and glees would be played by the band.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 65px; margin-top: -5em; margin-right: 3em;"> +<img src="images/img131-2.png" width="65" height="77" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +At last all was ready. The workmen were done;<br /> +And awaiting the jollity, mirth, and frivolity,<br /> +The games and the dancing, the feasting and fun,<br /> +The old hall was empty,—save only for one,—<br /> +The Lady Lorraine, who surveyed it with pride,<br /> +And said, “It is worthy of Lord Cecil’s bride!”<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span> +Then a bright smile illumined her happy young face,<br /> +Her roguish eyes twinkled, and gayly Her Grace<br /> +Crossed the old polished floor with a step light and quick,<br /> +And her high slipper heels went clickety-click.<br /> +She looked cautiously round,—she was all by herself;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Like a mischievous elf,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">She took from a shelf</span><br /> +A mistletoe spray with its berries like pearls;<br /> +Then tossing her head and shaking her curls,<br /> +In a manner half daring and yet half afraid,<br /> +The madcap maid, with a smile that betrayed<br /> +Expectant thoughts of her lover dear,<br /> +Fastened the spray to the chandelier.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 100px; margin-top: -12em; margin-right: 4em;"> +<img src="images/img132-1.png" width="100" height="222" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +Then in a merry, fanciful mood,<br /> +Inspired by the time and the solitude,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">The Lady Lorraine,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">In whimsical vein,</span><br /> +Said, “On Christmas eve, ’neath this mistletoe bough,<br /> +I’ll solemnly make an immutable vow.”<br /> +With a glance at the portraits that hung on the wall,<br /> +She said, “I adjure ye to witness, all:<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span> +I vow by the names that I’ve long revered,—<br /> +By my great-great-grandfather’s great gray beard,<br /> +By my father’s sword, by my uncle’s hat,<br /> +By my spinster aunt’s Angora cat,<br /> +By my ancient grandame’s buckled shoes,<br /> +By my uncle Gregory’s marvellous brews,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">By Sir Sydney’s wig,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And his ruff so big,—</span><br /> +Indeed, by his whole preposterous rig,—<br /> +By the scutcheon and crest, and all the rest<br /> +Of the signs of my house, I vow this vow:<br /> +That whoever beneath this mistletoe bough<br /> +Shall first kiss me, he—none but he—<br /> +My partner for life shall henceforth be.”</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 115px; margin-left: 3em; margin-top: -20em;"> +<img src="images/img133-1.png" width="115" height="100" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 91px; margin-right: 2.5em; margin-top: 5em;"> +<img src="images/img133-2.png" width="91" height="139" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +She had scarcely ceased when she heard a sound.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">She looked around,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And, startled, found</span><br /> +From the old oak chimney place it came.<br /> +For there, as if in an old oak frame,<br /> +A figure quaint, yet familiar too,<br /> +Met her astonished, bewildered view.<br /> +Of aspect merry, yet something weird,<br /> +With kind blue eyes and a long white beard,<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span> +Fur-trimmed cloak, and a peakèd cap,<br /> +Rosy cheeks,—a jolly old chap;<br /> +And, though surprised, she recognized<br /> +St. Nicholas, dear to her childhood days,<br /> +And she met his smile with a welcome gaze.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +The jolly old man beheld Her Grace,<br /> +With her laughing eyes and her winsome face;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">He couldn’t resist her,—</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 4em;">Indeed, who could?—</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And he heartily kissed her</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 4em;">Where she stood!</span><br /> +And exultingly cried, “I heard your vow;<br /> +And Lady Lorraine shall be <em>my</em> bride now!”</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 109px; margin-top: -3em; margin-right: 2em;"> +<img src="images/img134-1.png" width="109" height="170" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +The lady trembled, as in a daze;<br /> +With a startled gaze of blank amaze,<br /> +She looked at the figure who stood by her side<br /> +And audaciously claimed her for his bride.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Then she bowed her head</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And the color fled</span><br /> +From the cheeks that his kiss had flushed rosy red.<br /> +Her heart was filled with a sad despair<br /> +As she thought of her lover, Lord Cecil Clare,<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And his dire dismay</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">When on Christmas day</span><br /> +He should ride up gayly in brave array,<br /> +And find his sweetheart stolen away.</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +But the honor and pride of her race were at stake;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And for conscience’ sake</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">She dared not break</span><br /> +Her solemn vow, though her heart might ache.<br /> +To be true to her word, her sire had taught her,<br /> +And she was a loyal, obedient daughter.<br /> +She appealed to the portraits of squires and dames,<br /> +Who looked sternly down from their gilded frames;<br /> +But they seemed to say, “There must ne’er be broken<br /> +A promise or vow a Lorraine has spoken.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +With stifled sighs, and with tears in her eyes,<br /> +Though she tried to assume a cheerful guise,<br /> +She turned to the suitor who stood apart,<br /> +Awaiting the gift of her hand and heart;<br /> +And she said with a gentle, dignified air:<br /> +“My heart belongs to Lord Cecil Clare;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">But my fatal vow,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Though I rue it now,</span><br /> +I dare not break. So, at your command,<br /> +I fulfil it! On you I bestow my hand.”</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +“O noble lady!” her suitor cried,<br /> +“’Twas only a merry test I tried.<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Full well I knew</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">That your heart was true.</span><br /> +Behold your lover, my bonny bride!<br /> +I assumed this guise for a Christmas joke.”<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And as he spoke,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">He threw off his cloak,</span><br /> +He flung to the floor his peakèd hood,<br /> +And a gallant knight before her stood!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 189px;"> +<img src="images/img136-1.png" width="189" height="180" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +He doffed his wig and his long white beard;<br /> +All signs of St. Nicholas disappeared;<br /> +And smiling there, in the firelight’s glare,<br /> +Was the gay and noble Lord Cecil Clare!</p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +The lady marvelled—a glad surprise<br /> +Betokened itself in her lovely eyes;<br /> +And with her merriment quite restored,<br /> +She said, “You are welcome home, my lord;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And I’m thankful, now,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">That I kept my vow.”</span></p> + +<p class="poem" style="margin-left: 11em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span> +Lord Cecil raised her hand to his lips,<br /> +And gallantly kissed her finger tips;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">While the squires and dames</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Looked down from their frames,</span><br /> +And “Bless you, my children!” they seemed to say.<br /> +Then the band appeared, and began to play;<br /> +The guests arrived, and without delay<br /> +The fun commenced, and the old oak hall<br /> +Never had known such a Christmas ball!<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">The feast was spread,</span><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">And the dance was led</span><br /> +By the knight and the lady, and every one said,<br /> +With a shout that rent the midnight air,<br /> +“Long live Lord Cecil and Lady Clare!”</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 253px;"> +<img src="images/img137-1.png" width="253" height="200" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +</div> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Jingle Book, by Carolyn Wells + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE JINGLE BOOK *** + +***** This file should be named 24560-h.htm or 24560-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/5/6/24560/ + +Produced by Anne Storer and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Jingle Book + +Author: Carolyn Wells + +Illustrator: Oliver Herford + +Release Date: February 9, 2008 [EBook #24560] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE JINGLE BOOK *** + + + + +Produced by Anne Storer and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + THE JINGLE BOOK + + + * * * * * + + + The Tutor + + + A tutor who tooted the flute + Tried to teach two young tooters to toot. + Said the two to the tutor, + "Is it harder to toot, or + To tutor two tooters to toot?" + + [Illustration] + + + * * * * * + + + THE JINGLE BOOK + + BY + CAROLYN WELLS + + + Pictured by + OLIVER HERFORD + + + + New York + THE MACMILLAN COMPANY + LONDON: MACMILLAN & CO., LTD. + 1901 + + _All rights reserved_ + + + * * * * * + + + COPYRIGHT, 1899, + BY THE MACMILLAN COMPANY. + + + Set up and electrotyped October, 1899. + Reprinted November, 1899; June, 1901. + + + * * * * * + + + To Hilda's Child + + + * * * * * + + + CONTENTS + + + THE TUTOR _Frontispiece_ + PAGE + A SERIOUS QUESTION 1 + TWO OLD KINGS 2 + A DAY DREAM 5 + OUR CLUB 7 + PUZZLED 9 + AN INTERCEPTED VALENTINE 11 + A LONG-FELT WANT 13 + THE MUSICAL CARP 14 + THE INTELLIGENT HEN 15 + THE HAPPY HYENA 17 + A GREAT LADY 18 + OPULENT OLLIE 20 + THE TWO BEARS 21 + THE MACARONI MAN 24 + THE 4.04 TRAIN 29 + A VALUABLE GIFT 30 + THE GRANDILOQUENT GOAT 32 + HOW THE CAT WAS BELLED 33 + TRIANGULAR TOMMY 40 + A MODERN INVENTION 45 + AN APRIL JOKE 46 + AN ALICE ALPHABET 48 + THE FUNNY KITTENS 57 + THE STRIKE OF THE FIREWORKS 60 + THE ARCH ARMADILLO 63 + A DREAM LESSON 64 + THE RIVALS 68 + THE NEW CUP 70 + A PHOTOGRAPHIC FAILURE 71 + CHRISTMAS GIFTS 73 + YOUNG AMERICA 74 + A BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO 75 + DOROTHY'S OPINION 77 + ROLY POLY ROY 79 + MY BAROMETER 85 + THE BUTTER BETTY BOUGHT 86 + A MARVEL 87 + AN ALPHABET ZOO 88 + FOUND WANTING 94 + A TRAGIC TALE OF TEA 96 + THE ERRATIC RAT 97 + THE TWO FRIENDS 99 + THE SMILING SHARK 102 + THE MERCURY'S PLAINT 103 + THE PIRATE POODLE 105 + AN OLD LOVE 107 + BOBBY'S POCKET 109 + THE INSTRUCTIPHONE 112 + THE LAY OF THE LADY LORRAINE 115 + + + * * * * * + + + The Jingle Book + + + * * * * * + + + A Serious Question + + + [Illustration] + + A kitten went a-walking + One morning in July, + And idly fell a-talking + With a great big butterfly. + + The kitten's tone was airy, + The butterfly would scoff; + When there came along a fairy + Who whisked his wings right off. + + And then--for it is written + Fairies can do such things-- + Upon the startled kitten + She stuck the yellow wings. + + [Illustration] + + The kitten felt a quiver, + She rose into the air, + Then flew down to the river + To view her image there. + + With fear her heart was smitten, + And she began to cry, + "Am I a butter-kitten? + Or just a kitten-fly?" + + + + + Two Old Kings + + + [Illustration] + + Oh! the King of Kanoodledum + And the King of Kanoodledee, + They went to sea + In a jigamaree-- + A full-rigged jigamaree. + + And one king couldn't steer, + And the other, no more could he; + So they both upset + And they both got wet, + As wet as wet could be. + + [Illustration] + + And one king couldn't swim + And the other, he couldn't, too; + So they had to float, + While their empty boat + Danced away o'er the sea so blue. + + Then the King of Kanoodledum + He turned a trifle pale, + And so did he + Of Kanoodledee, + But they saw a passing sail! + + And one king screamed like fun + And the other king screeched like mad, + And a boat was lowered + And took them aboard; + And, my! but those kings were glad! + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Day Dream + + + Polly's patchwork--oh, dear me!-- + Truly is a sight to see. + Rumpled, crumpled, soiled, and frayed-- + Will the quilt be ever made? + See the stitches yawning wide-- + Can it be that Polly _tried_? + + Some are right and some are wrong, + Some too short and some too long, + Some too loose and some too tight; + Grimy smudges on the white, + And a tiny spot of red, + Where poor Polly's finger bled. + Strange such pretty, dainty blocks-- + Bits of Polly's summer frocks-- + Should have proved so hard to sew, + And the cause of so much woe! + + One day it was _very_ hot, + And the thread got in a knot, + Drew the seam up in a heap-- + Polly calmly fell asleep. + Then she had a lovely dream; + Straight and even was the seam, + Pure and spotless was the white; + All the blocks were finished quite-- + Each joined to another one. + Lo, behold! the quilt was done,-- + Lined and quilted,--and it seemed + To cover Polly as she dreamed! + + + + + Our Club + + + We're going to have the mostest fun! + It's going to be a club; + And no one can belong to it + But Dot and me and Bub. + + [Illustration] + + We thought we'd have a Reading Club, + But couldn't 'cause, you see, + Not one of us knows how to read-- + Not Dot nor Bub nor me. + + And then we said a Sewing Club, + But thought we'd better not; + 'Cause none of us knows how to sew-- + Not me nor Bub nor Dot. + + And so it's just a Playing Club, + We play till time for tea; + And, oh, we have the bestest times! + Just Dot and Bub and me. + + + + + Puzzled + + + There lived in ancient Scribbletown a wise old writer-man, + Whose name was Homer Cicero Demosthenes McCann. + He'd written treatises and themes till, "For a change," he said, + "I think I'll write a children's book before I go to bed." + + [Illustration] + + He pulled down all his musty tomes in Latin and in Greek; + Consulted cyclopaedias and manuscripts antique, + Essays in Anthropology, studies in counterpoise-- + "For these," he said, "are useful lore for little girls and boys." + + He scribbled hard, and scribbled fast, he burned the midnight oil, + And when he reached "The End" he felt rewarded for his toil; + He said, "This charming Children's Book is greatly to my credit." + And now he's sorely puzzled that no child has ever read it. + + + + + [Illustration] + + An Intercepted Valentine + + + Little Bo-Peep, will you be mine? + I want you for my Valentine. + You are my choice of all the girls, + With your blushing cheeks and your fluttering curls, + With your ribbons gay and your kirtle neat, + None other is so fair and sweet. + Little Bo-Peep, let's run away, + And marry each other on Midsummer Day; + And ever to you I'll be fond and true, + + Your faithful Valentine, + LITTLE BOY BLUE. + + + + + A Long-Felt Want + + +[Illustration] + + One day wee Willie and his dog + Sprawled on the nursery floor. + He had a florist's catalogue, + And turned the pages o'er, + + Till all at once he gave a spring, + "Hurrah!" he cried with joy; + "Mamma, here's just the very thing + To give your little boy! + + "For when we fellows go to school, + We lose our things, you know; + And in that little vestibule + They do get mixed up so. + + "And as you often say you can't + Take care of 'em for me, + Why don't you buy a _rubber plant_, + And an _umbrella tree_?" + + + + + The Musical Carp + + + There once was a corpulent carp + Who wanted to play on a harp, + But to his chagrin + So short was his fin + That he couldn't reach up to C sharp. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Intelligent Hen + + + [Illustration] + + 'Twas long ago,--a year or so,-- + In a barnyard by the sea, + That an old hen lived whom you may know + By the name of Fiddle-de-dee. + She scratched around in the sand all day, + For a lively old hen was she. + + And then do you know, it happened this way + In that barnyard by the sea; + A great wise owl came down one day, + And hooted at Fiddle-de-dee, + Just hooted at Fiddle-de-dee. + And he cried, "Hi! Hi! old hen, I say! + You're provincial, it seems to me!" + + "Why, what do you mean?" cried the old red hen, + As mad as hops was she. + "Oh, I've been 'round among great men, + In the world where the great men be. + And none of them scratch with their claws like you, + They write with a quill like me." + + Now very few people could get ahead + Of that old hen, Fiddle-de-dee. + She went and hunted the posy-bed, + And returned in triumphant glee. + And ever since then, that little red hen, + She writes with a jonquil pen, quil pen, + She writes with a jonquil pen. + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + The Happy Hyena + + + There once was a happy Hyena + Who played on an old concertina. + He dressed very well, + And in his lapel + He carelessly stuck a verbena. + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Great Lady + + + This is the Queen of Nonsense Land, + She wears her bonnet on her hand; + She carpets her ceilings and frescos her floors, + She eats on her windows and sleeps on her doors. + Oh, ho! Oh, ho! to think there could be + A lady so silly-down-dilly as she! + + She goes for a walk on an ocean wave, + She fishes for cats in a coral cave; + She drinks from an empty glass of milk, + And lines her potato trees with silk. + I'm sure that fornever and never was seen + So foolish a thing as the Nonsense Queen! + + She ordered a wig for a blue bottle fly, + And she wrote a note to a pumpkin pie; + She makes all the oysters wear emerald rings, + And does dozens of other nonsensible things. + Oh! the scatterbrained, shatterbrained lady so grand, + Her Royal Skyhighness of Nonsense Land! + + + + + Opulent Ollie + + + One Saturday opulent Ollie + Thought he'd go for a ride on the trolley; + But his pennies were few,-- + He only had two,-- + So he went and made mud-pies with Polly. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Two Bears + + + Prince Curlilocks remarked one day + To Princess Dimplecheek, + "I haven't had a real good play + For more than 'most a week." + + Said Princess Dimplecheek, "My dear, + Your majesty forgets-- + This morning we played grenadier + With grandpa's epaulets. + + "And yesterday we sailed to Spain-- + We both were pirates bold, + And braved the wild and raging main + To seek for hidden gold." + + "True," said the prince; "I mind me well-- + Right hardily we fought, + And stormed a massive citadel + To gain the prize we sought. + + "But if your ladyship agrees, + Methinks we'll go upstairs + And build a waste of arctic seas, + And we'll be polar bears." + + "Yes, if you'll promise not to bite," + Fair Dimplecheek replied, + Already half-way up the flight, + His highness by her side. + + "Princess, on that far window-seat, + Go, sit thee down and wait, + While I ask nursie for a sheet, + Or maybe six or eight." + + A pile of sheets his highness brought. + "Dear princess, pray take these; + Although our path with danger's fraught, + We'll reach the polar seas." + + Two furry rugs his lordship bore, + Two pairs of mittens white; + He threw them on the nursery floor + And shouted with delight. + + He spread those sheets--the funny boy-- + O'er table, floor, and chair. + "Princess," said he, "don't you enjoy + This frosty, bracing air? + + "These snowy sheets are fields of ice, + This is an iceberg grim." + "Yes, dear, I think it's very nice," + She said, and smiled at him. + + And then they donned the rugs of fur, + The mittens, too, they wore; + And Curlilocks remarked to her, + "Now you must roar and roar." + + [Illustration] + + Dimplecheek looked out from the cowl + Formed by her furry rug. + "I'm 'fraid of bears that only growl-- + I like the kind that hug." + + + + + The Very Merry Voyage of the Macaroni Man + + + This figure here before you is a Macaroni Man, + Who is built, as you may notice, on a most ingenious plan. + His skeleton, I beg to state, is made of hairpins three, + Which are bent and curved and twisted to a marvellous degree. + His coat-sleeves and his trouser-legs, his head and eke his waist + Are made of superfine imported macaroni paste. + And if you care to listen, you may hear the thrilling tale + Of the merry Macaroni Man's extraordinary sail. + One sunny day he started for a voyage in his yacht, + His anxious mother called to him, and said, "You'd better not! + Although the sun is shining bright, I fear that it may rain; + And don't you think, my darling boy, you'd better take the train?" + "Oh, no," said he, "no clouds I see,--the sky is blue and clear, + I will return in time for tea--good-by, my mother dear." + + [Illustration] + + Full merrily he started off, the day was fine and fair, + And to his great delight he found no dampness in the air. + You know if he gets wet, a Macaroni Man is spoiled, + And if he stands too near the steam, of course he may get boiled. + But our hero used precautions,--carefully he shunned the spray,-- + And when the steam blew toward him, he just steered the other way. + Now, as the breeze was from the land, his course lay out to sea; + He sailed so far that he felt sure he would be late for tea. + He sailed, and sailed, and sailed, and sailed,-- + he feared the dew would fall-- + He tried to turn,--but oh, that steam! it would not do at all! + + [Illustration] + + A single puff blew toward him, and it nearly cooked his face! + The mournful Macaroni Man felt sadly out of place. + But a happy thought occurred to him, "Ha, ha,--ho, ho!" said he,-- + "I'll just sail on around the world,--and then, it seems to me, + I'll reach my home (according to a careful estimate) + In time for tea, although I'll be perhaps a trifle late." + Then merrily his gallant ship sped o'er the bounding main, + Quickly he crossed the ocean wide, he flew by France and Spain; + Covered the Mediterranean, spanned the Suez Canal,-- + "I'll reach my home to-night," he thought, "oh, yes, I'm sure I shall." + He skimmed the Red Sea like a bird,--the Indian Ocean crossed + (But once, in Oceanica, he feared that he was lost). + + [Illustration] + + He passed Australia on the fly,--cut over Capricorn, + And as the sunset gun he heard, he swung around Cape Horn. + Still at full speed, he sailed due north, he rounded Cape St. Roque, + Crossed the equator, and found out the Gulf Stream was no joke. + He coasted by the seaboard States. Hurrah! all danger past, + Quickly he sailed the last few miles and reached his home at last; + His mother welcomed him, and said, "I'm glad there was no shower; + But hurry in, my bonny boy, I've waited tea an hour." + + [Illustration] + + + + + The 4.04 Train + + + "There's a train at 4.04," said Miss Jenny; + "Four tickets I'll take. Have you any?" + Said the man at the door: + "Not four for 4.04, + For four for 4.04 is too many." + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Valuable Gift + + + Old Father Time, one day + In his study, so they say, + Was indulging in a surreptitious nap, + When from his drowsy dreams + He was wakened, as it seems, + By a timid but persistent little rap. + + He yawned and rubbed his eyes + In indolent surprise, + Then slowly he arose from where he sat; + He opened wide his door, + And nearly tumbled o'er + The figure that stood waiting on the mat. + + A tiny little dog, + With excitement all agog, + And angry eyes that seemed to flash and glower. + His manner was polite, + But he said, "I claim my right! + And I've called, sir, to demand of you my hour." + + "Your what?" the old man said, + As he shook his puzzled head; + And the pertinacious puppy spoke with force: + "Well, sir, they often say, + 'Every dog must have his day,' + So a puppy ought to have an hour, of course!" + + [Illustration] + + The old man shook with glee, + But he said obligingly, + "The dog days are all gone, I grieve to say; + But since you've come so far, + And so mannerly you are, + I'll give you just an hour--to get away." + + + + + [Illustration] + + The Grandiloquent Goat + + + A very grandiloquent Goat + Sat down to a gay table d'hote; + He ate all the corks, + The knives and the forks, + Remarking: "On these things I dote." + + Then, before his repast he began, + While pausing the menu to scan, + He said: "Corn, if you please, + And tomatoes and pease, + I'd like to have served in the can." + + + + + How the Cat was Belled + + + A fable told by La Fontaine, + Two centuries or more ago, + Describes some rats who would arraign + A cat, their direst foe, + Who killed so many rats + And caused the deepest woe, + This Catiline of cats. + + The poor rats were at their wits' end + Their homes and families to defend; + And as a last resort + They took the case to court. + + It seems they called a caucus wise + Of rats of every age and size, + And then their dean, + With sapient mien, + A very Solon of a rat, + Said it was best to bell the cat. + + The quaint old tale goes on to tell + How this plan would have worked quite well, + But, somehow, flaws + Appeared, because + No one would hang the bell. + + Though there the ancient fable ends, + Later report the tale extends, + No longer is the truth withheld; + Developments appear, + And so you have it here. + For the first time + Set down in rhyme + Just how that cat was belled. + + The council, as 'twas getting late, + Was just about to separate, + When suddenly a rat arose + Who said he could a plan propose + Which would, he thought, succeed + And meet their urgent need. + + Now as this rat was very small, + And had no dignity at all, + Although his plan was well advised, + We really need not be surprised + That all the rats of riper years + Expressed the gravest doubts and fears; + Till suddenly + He said, said he, + "If you will leave it all to me, + I will avow + Three days from now + That you shall all be free." + The solemn council then adjourned. + Each rat to home and fireside turned; + But each shook his wise head + And to his neighbor said: + "It is a dangerous job, in truth, + Though it seems naught to headstrong youth." + + Now young Sir Rat we next behold, + With manner brave and visage bold, + Go marching down + To London town, + Where wondrous things are sold. + We see him stop + At a large shop, + And with the bland clerk's courteous aid + This was the purchase that he made: + A bicycle of finest make, + With modern gear and patent brake, + Pedometer, pneumatic tire, + And spokes that looked like silver wire, + A lantern bright + To shine at night, + Enamel finish, nickel plate, + And all improvements up to date. + Said sly Sir Rat: "It suits me well, + Especially that sweet-toned _bell_." + + [Illustration] + + The shades of night were falling fast + When Sir Rat turned toward home at last. + The neighbors watched him as he passed + And said: "What is that queer-shaped thing? + Surely that can't be made to ring." + Sir Rat went on, nor stayed + To hear the jests they made; + And just outside the old cat's gate + He stopped and boldly braved his fate, + For if that cat + Should smell a rat + How quickly he'd come out and catch him, + And with what gusto he'd despatch him! + Sir Rat, against the picket-fence + Leaned the machine, then hurried hence, + And hid himself with glee, + And waited breathlessly + To see what that + Cantankerous cat + Would say, when in the twilight dim + He saw that brightly shining rim. + + Sir Rat, though hidden quite, + And safely out of sight, + Had scarcely time to wink his eye, + When Mr. Cat came sauntering by. + + "Ha! Ha!" said he, + "What's this I see, + A bicycle! and just my size! + Well, this, indeed, is a surprise! + I'll confiscate + This treasure great; + How quickly I'll fly o'er the ground + When I pursue my hunting round!" + + He mounted it with eager haste, + It suited well his sporting taste; + He guided it at will, + And used the brake with skill, + He grasped the handle-bars, and then-- + You see it was his custom when + He did a thing, to do it well-- + Of course he used the clear-toned bell! + + [Illustration] + + Victory now! the deed is done! + No longer at the set of sun + The rats fly shrieking to their nests, + They saunter round with merry jests + And ne'er a thought of fear, + Knowing full well + They'll hear the bell + When Mr. Cat draws near. + + [Illustration] + + And young Sir Rat who did the deed, + Whose cleverness relieved their need, + His wondrous enterprise + Was lauded to the skies. + And everywhere his name + Was hailed with shouts of fame. + + In difficulties, oft we see + Modern improvements frequently + Will prove a happy remedy. + + + + + The Rhyme of Triangular Tommy + + + [Illustration] + + Triangular Tommy, one morning in May, + Went out for a walk on the public highway. + Just here I will say, + 'Twas a bright sunny day, + And the sky it was blue, and the grass it was green, + The same sky and grass that you've all of you seen; + And the birds in the trees sang their usual song, + And Triangular Tommy went trudging along. + + But I can tell you + He cared naught for the view. + He did just what small boys of his age always do: + He shouted out "Scat!" + At a wandering cat, + And he picked a big daisy to stick in his hat; + The clovers he topped, + And the toadstools he cropped, + And sometimes he scuffled and sometimes he hopped. + + [Illustration] + + He took an old stick and poked at a worm, + And merrily chuckled to see the thing squirm; + When he chanced to look up, and in gorgeous array + Triangular Tilly was coming his way. + Triangular Tom straightened up in a jiff, + And put on his best manner--exceedingly stiff; + And as far as his angular shape would allow + Triangular Tom made a beautiful bow. + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + Triangular Tilly went smilingly by, + With a glance that was friendly, but just a bit shy. + And Tom so admired her that after she passed, + A backward look over his shoulder he cast. + And he said, "Though I think many girls are but silly, + I really admire that Triangular Tilly." + + [Illustration] + + But soon all such thoughts were put out of his head, + For who should come by but Triangular Ted, + The very boy Tom had been wishing to see! + "Hello!" said Triangular Tommy, said he. + "Hello!" said Triangular Ted, and away + Those two children scooted to frolic and play. + And they had, on the green, + Where 'twas all dry and clean, + The best game of leap-frog that ever was seen. + Triangular Tom beat down this way, you know, + And Triangular Ted stood beside him, just so, + When one, two, three--go! + With the greatest gusto, + Ted flew over Tom in a manner not slow. + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + They played hide-and-seek, they played marbles and tag, + They played they were soldiers, and each waved a flag; + Till at last they confessed, + They wanted to rest; + So they sat down and chatted with laughter and jest; + + [Illustration] + + When Schoolmaster Jones they suddenly spied, + Come clumping along with his pedagogue stride, + As usual, with manner quite preoccupied; + With his hat on one side, + And his shoe-lace untied-- + A surly old fellow, it can't be denied; + And each wicked boy + Thought that he would enjoy + An occasion the thoughtful old man to annoy, + And all of his wise calculations destroy. + So they thought they'd employ + A means known to each boy. + And across the wide pavement they fastened a twine + Exceedingly strong but exceedingly fine; + And Triangular Tommy laughed out in his glee, + To think how upset the old master would be! + + [Illustration] + + Although very wicked, their mischievous scheme + Was a perfect success; and with a loud scream, + A horrible clash, + A thump and a smash, + Old Schoolmaster Jones came down with a crash. + His hat rolled away, and his spectacles broke, + And those dreadful boys thought it a howling good joke. + And they just doubled up in immoderate glee, + Saying, "Look at the Schoolmaster! + Tee-hee! tee-hee!" + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + Tom gave a guffaw, + And Ted roared a "haw-haw"; + But soon their diversion was turned into awe, + For old Schoolmaster Jones was angry, they saw. + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + Triangular Ted + Turned swiftly and fled, + And far down the street like a reindeer he sped, + Leaving Tommy to face the old gentleman's rage, + Who quickly jumped up,--he was brisk for his age,-- + And with just indignation portrayed on his face, + To Triangular Tommy he quickly gave chase. + + [Illustration] + + And hearing his squeals + And his frantic appeals, + Triangular Tommy fast took to his heels. + Now Tommy was agile and Tommy was spry; + He whizzed through the air--he just seemed to fly; + He rushed madly on, until, dreadful to say! + He came where the railroad was just in his way-- + And alas! and alack! + He tripped on the track + And then with a terrible, sudden ker-thwack! + Triangular Tommy sprawled flat on his back-- + And the train came along with a crash, and a crack, + A din, and a clatter, a clang, and a clack, + A toot, and a boom, and a roar, and a hiss, + And chopped him up all into pieces like this-- + If _you_ cut out papers just like them, why, then, + If you try, you can put him together again. + + [Illustration] + + + + + A Modern Invention + + + Old Santa Claus is up-to-date, + And hereafter, rumors say, + He'll come with his pack of glittering toys, + And visit the homes of girls and boys, + In a new reindeerless sleigh. + + [Illustration] + + + + + An April Joke + + + [Illustration] + + Oh, it was a merry, gladsome day, + When the April Fool met the Queen of May; + She had roguish eyes and golden hair, + And they were a mischief-making pair. + They planned the funniest kind of a joke + On the poor, long-suffering mortal folk; + And a few mysterious words he said, + His fool's cap close to her flower-crowned head. + Then he laughed till he made his cap-bells ring, + At the thought of the topsy-turvy Spring. + "'Tis a fair exchange," he said, with a wink-- + "It is!" she said, and what do you think? + The flowers that should bloom in the month of May + Every one of them came on an April day! + And they looked for April showers in vain, + But all through May it did nothing but rain! + + + + + An Alice Alphabet + + + [Illustration] + + A is for Alice a-dressing the Queen. + + [Illustration] + + B is for Borogoves, mimsy and lean. + + [Illustration] + + C is the Cheshire Cat, wearing a grin. + + [Illustration] + + D is the Duchess who had a sharp chin. + + [Illustration] + + E is the Eaglet who barred out long words. + + [Illustration] + + F, the Flamingo, the queerest of birds. + + [Illustration] + + G is the Gryphon, loquacious and gay. + + [Illustration] + + H, Humpty Dumpty in gorgeous array. + + [Illustration] + + I is for Insects with curious names. + + [Illustration] + + J is the Jabberwock burbling with flames. + + [Illustration] + + K is the King who was whizzed through the air. + + [Illustration] + + L is the Lobster who sugared his hair. + + [Illustration] + + M, the Mock Turtle, whose tears freely flowed. + + [Illustration] + + N is for Nobody seen on the road. + + [Illustration] + + O is for Oysters who trotted so quick. + + [Illustration] + + P is the Puppy who played with a stick. + + [Illustration] + + Q is the Queen who ran very fast. + + [Illustration] + + R is the Rabbit who blew a great blast. + + [Illustration] + + S is the Sheep, on her knitting intent. + + [Illustration] + + T, Tweedledum, with his noisy lament. + + [Illustration] + + U is the Unicorn, valiant in feud. + + [Illustration] + + V is the Violet, saucy and rude. + + [Illustration] + + W, the Walrus, addicted to chat. + + [Illustration] + + X, Executioner, seeking the cat. + + [Illustration] + + Y is the Youth Father William surveyed. + + [Illustration] + + Z is the Zigzag the mouse's tail made. + + + + + The Funny Kittens + + + [Illustration] + + Once there were some silly kittens, + And they knitted woolly mittens + To bestow upon the freezing Hottentots. + But the Hottentots refused them, + Saying that they never used them + Unless crocheted of red with yellow spots. + + [Illustration] + + So the silly little kittens + Took their blue and white striped mittens + To a Bear who lived within a hollow tree; + The Bear responded sadly, + "I would wear your mittens gladly, + But I fear they are too gay for such as me." + + [Illustration] + + Then the kittens, almost weeping, + Came to where a Cow lay sleeping, + And they woke her with this piteous request, + "Won't you wear our mittens furry?" + Said the Cow, "My dears, don't worry; + I will put them on as soon as I am dressed." + + [Illustration] + + Then the Cow put on her bonnet + With a wreath of roses on it, + And a beautiful mantilla fringed with white; + And she donned the pretty mittens, + While the silly little kittens + Clapped their paws in admiration at the sight. + + + + + The Strike of the Fireworks + + + 'Twas the night before the Fourth of July, the people slept serene; + The fireworks were stored in the old town hall that stood + on the village green. + The steeple clock tolled the midnight hour, and at its final stroke, + The fire in the queer old-fashioned stove lifted its voice and spoke; + "The earth and air have naught to do, the water, too, may play, + And only fire is made to work on Independence Day. + + "I won't stand such injustice! It's wrong, beyond a doubt, + And I shall take my holiday. Good-by, I'm going out!" + Up spoke a Roman candle then, "The principle is right! + Suppose we strike, and all agree we will not work to-night!" + "My stars!" said a small sky-rocket. "What an awful time there'll be, + When the whole town comes together to-night, the great display to see!" + "Let them come," said a saucy pinwheel, "yes, let them come if they like, + As a delegate I'll announce to them that the fireworks + are going to strike!" + "My friends," said a small cap-pistol, "this movement is all wrong,-- + Gunpowder, noise, and fireworks to Fourth of July belong. + My great ancestral musket made Independence Day, + I frown on your whole conspiracy, and you are wrong, I say!" + + And so they talked and they argued, some for and some against,-- + And they progressed no further than they were when they commenced. + Until in a burst of eloquence a queer little piece of punk + Arose in his place and said, "I think we ought to show some spunk. + And I for one have decided, although I am no shirk, + That to-day is a legal holiday and not even fire should work. + + "And I am of some importance,"--here he gave a pretentious cough, + "For without my assistance none of you could very well be put off." + "You are right," said the Roman candle, "and I think we are all agreed + To strike for our rights and our liberty. Hurrah! we shall succeed!" + The dissenters cried with one accord, "Our objections we withdraw. + Hurrah, hurrah for the fireworks' strike!" and they cried again, "Hurrah!" + + Then a match piped up with a tiny voice, "Your splendid scheme I like. + I agree with all your principles and so I, too, will strike!" + Suiting the action to the word, the silly little dunce + Clambered down from his matchsafe and excitedly struck at once. + He lost his head, and he ran around among the fireworks dry, + And he cried, "Hurrah for the fireworks' strike! Hurrah for the + Fourth of July!" + + With his waving flame he lit the punk--a firecracker caught a spark,-- + Then rockets and wheels and bombs went off--no longer the place was dark! + The explosions made a fearful noise, the flames leaped high and higher, + The village folk awoke and cried, "The town hall is on fire!" + So the strike of the fireworks ended in a wonderful display + Of pyrotechnic grandeur on Independence Day! + + + + + The Arch Armadillo + + + [Illustration] + + There once was an arch Armadillo + Who built him a hut 'neath a willow; + He hadn't a bed + So he rested his head + On a young Porcupine for a pillow. + + + + + A Dream Lesson + + + Once there was a little boy who wouldn't go to bed, + When they hinted at the subject he would only shake his head, + When they asked him his intentions, he informed them pretty straight + That he wouldn't go to bed at all, and Nursey needn't wait. + + As their arguments grew stronger, and their attitude more strict, + I grieve to say that naughty boy just yelled and screamed and kicked. + And he made up awful faces, and he told them up and down + That he wouldn't go to bed for all the nurses in the town. + + Then Nursey lost her patience, and although it wasn't right, + Retorted that for all she cared he might sit up all night. + He approved of this arrangement, and he danced a jig for joy, + And turned a somersault with glee; he _was_ a naughty boy. + + And so they all went off to bed and left him sitting there, + Right in the corner by the fire in Grandpa's big armchair. + He read his books and played his games,--he even sang a song + And thought how lovely it would be to sit up all night long. + + [Illustration] + + But soon his games grew stupid, and his puzzles wouldn't work; + He drew himself up stiffly with a sudden little jerk, + And he said, "I am not sleepy, and I love to play alone-- + And--I--think--" the rest was mumbled in a drowsy monotone. + + He leaned back on the cushions like that night he had the croup; + His head began to wobble and his eyes began to droop; + He closed them for a minute, just to see how it would seem, + And straightway he was sound asleep, and dreamed this awful dream! + + He thought he saw a garden filled with flowers and roses gay, + A great big gardener with a hoe came walking down his way; + "Ah, ha!" exclaimed the gardener, as he clutched him by the head, + "Here's a fine specimen I've found; I'll plant him in this bed!" + + [Illustration] + + He held the boy in one big hand, unheeding how he cried, + And with the other dug a hole enormous, deep, and wide. + He jammed the little fellow in, and said in gruffest tone, + "This is the bed for naughty boys who won't go to their own." + + And then the dirt was shovelled in,--it covered up his toes, + His ankles, knees, and waist and arms, and higher yet it rose. + For still the gardener shovelled on, not noticing his cries; + It came up to his chin and mouth--it almost reached his eyes; + + Just then he gathered all his strength and gave an awful scream, + And woke himself, and put an end to that terrific dream. + And he said, as Nursey tucked him up and bade him snugly rest, + "When I am planted in a bed, I like my own the best." + + + + + The Rivals + + + [Illustration] + + Two well-built men, neither giant nor dwarf, + Were Monsieur Elims and Mynheer Nworf. + They lived in a town not far away, + And spent their time in work and play. + Now Monsieur Elims was loved by all-- + By rich and poor, by great and small. + And Mynheer Nworf remarked one day, + "Brother, explain to me, I pray, + Why no one likes me as well as you, + No matter what I may say or do. + I have stores of knowledge packed in my head; + I am learned and wise and very well read; + I can dance, I can sing, I'm extremely polite; + I am worth a large fortune all in my own right. + But still,--and this question has caused me much thought,-- + While I am neglected, you're everywhere sought." + Monsieur Elims replied: "My dear sir, that is true, + But you see, I am I, and you see, you are you. + If I receive praises and you receive blame, + 'Tis doubtless because each lives up to his name." + + You'll find his defence rather puzzling, I fear; + But read their names backward--the meaning is clear. + + + + + The New Cup + + + "I've a lovely new cup from Uncle John," + Said Dorothy; "only see-- + It has beautiful golden letters on, + And they spell '_Remember Me_.'" + + "Oho!" laughed Fred. "Why, Dorothy dear, + They put that on mugs and plates: + _I_'ve studied jography 'most a year, + And I know the names of the States. + + And when you see that anywhere,-- + At least, since this fuss with Spain,-- + It's the President who puts it there, + And it means 'Remember the Maine'!" + + + + + A Photographic Failure + + + [Illustration] + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Saw a patient Periwinkle + With a kodak, sitting idly by a rill. + Feeling a desire awaken + For to have his picture taken, + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle stood stock-still. + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Felt his brow begin to wrinkle, + And his pose assume a sad and solemn style; + But the Periwinkle trusted, + As the focus he adjusted, + That his customer would kindly try to smile. + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Felt his eyes begin to twinkle, + And his mouth took on a broad and open grin; + Said the Periwinkle, sadly, + "If you stretch your jaw so madly, + I fear perhaps that I shall tumble in." + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Felt his hair begin to crinkle, + As it rose up on his forehead in affright; + Though his comrade spoke so mildly, + Mr. Hinkle wondered wildly, + How he could escape this dire and awful plight. + + Mr. Hezekiah Hinkle + Said, "I fear it's going to sprinkle, + And really for a storm I'm not prepared." + Then without a further warning + He politely said, "Good morning," + And the patient Periwinkle stood and stared. + + [Illustration] + + + + + Christmas Gifts + + + Ten Christmas presents standing in a line; + Robert took the bicycle, then there were nine. + Nine Christmas presents ranged in order straight; + Bob took the steam engine, then there were eight. + Eight Christmas presents--and one came from Devon; + Robbie took the jackknife, then there were seven. + Seven Christmas presents direct from St. Nick's; + Bobby took the candy box, then there were six. + Six Christmas presents, one of them alive; + Rob took the puppy dog, then there were five. + Five Christmas presents yet on the floor; + Bobbin took the soldier cap, then there were four. + Four Christmas presents underneath the tree; + Bobbet took the writing desk, then there were three. + Three Christmas presents still in full view; + Robin took the checker board, then there were two. + Two Christmas presents, promising fun, + Bobbles took the picture book, then there was one. + One Christmas present--and now the list is done; + Bobbinet took the sled, and then there were none. + And the same happy child received every toy, + So many nicknames had one little boy. + + + + + Young America + + + [Illustration] + + Wee Willie sat a-thinking, + And he shook his curly head. + Around him on the nursery floor + His treasures lay outspread. + + Firecrackers and torpedoes, + Trumpet and flag and drum, + Rockets and pinwheels and paper caps, + For Fourth of July had come. + + "But it makes me sort o' sorry," + Wee Willie said with a sigh, + "To think of those poor little English boys + Without any Fourth of July." + + + + + A Bicycle built for Two + + + There was an ambitious young eel + Who determined to ride on a wheel; + But try as he might, + He couldn't ride right, + In spite of his ardor and zeal. + + If he sat on the saddle to ride + His tail only pedalled one side; + And I'm sure you'll admit + That an eel _couldn't_ sit + On a bicycle saddle astride. + + Or if he hung over the top, + He could go, but he never could stop; + For of course it is clear + He had no way to steer, + And under the wheel he would flop. + + His neighbor, observing the fun, + Said, "I think that the thing can be done, + If you'll listen to me, + You'll quickly agree + That two heads are better than one. + + "And this is my project, old chap, + Around our two waists I will wrap + This beautiful belt + Of bottle-green felt + And fasten it firm with a strap." + + [Illustration] + + This done, with a dignified mien + The two squirmed up on the machine, + And rode gayly away, + Or at least, so they say, + Who witnessed the wonderful scene. + + + + + [Illustration] + + Dorothy's Opinion + + + Mamma has bought a calendar, + And every single page + Has pictures on of little girls + 'Most just about my age. + + And when she bought it yesterday, + Down at the big bazaar, + She said, "What lovely little girls, + How true to life they are." + + But I don't think they're true to life, + And I'll just tell you why; + They never have a rumpled frock + Or ribbon bow awry. + + And though they play with cats and dogs, + And rabbits and white mice, + And sail their boats and fly their kites, + They always look so nice. + + And I am sure no little girl + That ever _I_ have seen, + Could play with dogs or sail a boat + And keep her frock so clean. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Roll of Roly Poly Roy + + + [Illustration] + + Once on a time a lad I knew-- + His sister called him Bubby; + His cheeks were red, his eyes were blue, + And he was plump and chubby. + Indeed, he was so stout a boy, + Some called him Roly Poly Roy; + They called him that + For he was fat + And very plump and chubby. + + [Illustration] + + He caused his father grief profound, + And made his mother worry, + Because he'd roll along the ground + When he was in a hurry. + For as he couldn't see his toes, + He often tumbled on his nose; + So, on the whole, + 'Twas best to roll + When he was in a hurry. + + "Get up!" the people urged, but he + Replied, "There's no use talking; + I roll around because, you see, + It's easier than walking." + And though it looked extremely droll + To see the lad lie down and roll, + It was, forsooth, + For that fat youth + Far easier than walking. + + [Illustration] + + One day he thought he'd try to ride; + Alas, he was so bulky, + He tumbled off the other side, + Which made him rather sulky. + He heard his comrades jeer and scoff, + Again he tried and tumbled off, + And when he fell + They'd shout and yell-- + Of course it made him sulky. + + Just out of town there was a place + With rolling ground and hilly, + And here Roy started for a race + With Dick and Tom and Willy. + You'll know of course before you're told + That Roy just laid him down and rolled; + And so, you see, + He easily + Beat Dick and Tom and Willy. + + That day two giants came along + From Huncamunca Valley, + Seeking some tenpins good and strong + For their new bowling alley. + They reached the hilly sort of place + Just as our hero won the race; + "Look at him roll!" + They said. "He'll bowl + On our new bowling alley. + + "The other boys are squarely built; + For tenpins they'll do finely! + No matter if a few get kilt," + And then they smiled benignly. + Quickly they kidnapped ten small boys, + All howling with a fearful noise; + They took them all, + And Roy for ball, + And then they smiled benignly. + + [Illustration] + + They hurried to their home and then + Began their barbarous bowling. + They set in rows the children ten + And then set Roy a-rolling. + But as the giants were strong and great, + They shot poor Roy at such a rate, + And with such might, + That out of sight + Poor Roy was set a-rolling. + + [Illustration] + + He rolled and rolled and rolled and rolled, + But soon, his fears dispelling, + With happiness he did behold + He'd safely reached his dwelling. + Secure and safe from further harms, + His mother caught him in her arms, + And said with joy, + "My darling boy, + You've safely reached your dwelling." + + Now rolling seems to him to be + More dangerous than walking. + And Roly Poly Roy you'll see + Along the sidewalks stalking. + He'll always have a certain fear + That giants may be lurking near, + And so he'll go + With motion slow + Along the sidewalk stalking. + + [Illustration] + + + + + My Barometer + + + [Illustration] + + My little maid with golden hair + Comes each morning for a kiss; + And I know the day will be fine and fair + When Polly looks like this. + + [Illustration] + + Or I know the clouds will frown and lower, + The skies will be dull and gray, + And perhaps there'll be a passing shower, + When Polly looks this way. + + [Illustration] + + But a violent storm of rain or snow + I can prognosticate, + For the sign will never fail, I know, + When this is Polly's pate. + + + + + The Butter Betty Bought + + + Betty Botta bought some butter; + "But," said she, "this butter's bitter! + If I put it in my batter + It will make my batter bitter. + But a bit o' better butter + Will but make my batter better." + Then she bought a bit o' butter + Better than the bitter butter, + Made her bitter batter better. + So 'twas better Betty Botta + Bought a bit o' better butter. + + + + + [Illustration] + + A Marvel + + + An old astronomer there was + Who lived up in a tower, + Named Ptolemy Copernicus + Flammarion McGower. + He said: "I can prognosticate + With estimates correct; + And when the skies I contemplate, + I know what to expect. + When dark'ning clouds obscure my sight, + I think perhaps 'twill rain; + And when the stars are shining bright, + I know 'tis clear again." + And then abstractedly he scanned + The heavens, hour by hour, + Old Ptolemy Copernicus + Flammarion McGower. + + + + + An Alphabet Zoo + + + A was an apt Alligator, + Who wanted to be a head-waiter; + He said, "I opine + In that field I could shine, + Because I am such a good skater." + + B was a beggarly Bear, + Who carefully curled his front hair; + He said, "I would buy + A red-spotted tie,-- + But I haven't a penny to spare." + + C was a cool Chimpanzee, + Who went to an afternoon tea. + When they said, "Will you take + A caraway cake?" + He greedily took twenty-three! + + D was a diligent Doe, + In summer she shovelled the snow; + In the spring and the fall + She did nothing at all, + And in winter the grass she would mow. + + E was an erudite Ermine, + Who tried very hard to determine + If he _should_ earn a cent, + How it ought to be spent, + And decided to purchase a sermon. + + F was a fussy Flamingo, + Who remarked to his family, "By jingo! + I think I would go + To that animal show, + But they all talk such barbarous lingo." + + G was a giddy Gazelle, + Who never could learn how to spell; + But she managed to pass + To the head of her class, + Because she did fractions so well. + + H was a haughty young Hawk, + Who affected society talk; + But when introduced + At a large chicken roost + He excitedly screamed out, "Oh, Lawk!" + + I was an idle Iguana, + Who lived upon curried banana; + With tears he'd protest + That he never could rest + Till he learned to sing "Eileen Alanna." + + J was a jimp Jaguar, + Who purchased a Spanish guitar; + He played popular airs + At _fetes_ and at fairs, + And down at the Fancy Bazaar. + + K was a kind Kangaroo, + Whose bonnet was always askew; + So they asked her to wait + While they put it on straight + And fastened it firmly with glue. + + L was a lachrymose Leopard, + Who ate up twelve sheep and a shepherd, + But the real reason why + He continued to cry + Was his food was so lavishly peppered. + + M was a mischievous Marten, + Who went to the Free Kindergarten; + When they asked him to plat + A gay-colored mat, + He tackled the job like a Spartan. + + N was a naughty Nylghau, + Who wandered too near a buzz saw. + It cut off his toes, + And the shrieks that arose + Filled all of the neighbors with awe. + + O was an ossified Oyster, + Who decided to enter a cloister. + He could not return, + So continued to yearn + For his home in the sea, which was moister. + + P was a poor old Poll Parrot, + Who had nothing to eat but a carrot, + And nothing to wear + But a wig of red hair, + And nowhere to live but a garret. + + Q was a querulous Quab + Who at every trifle would sob; + He said, "I detest + To wear a plaid vest, + And I hate to eat corn from the cob!" + + R was a rollicking Ram, + Attired in an old pillow sham. + When asked if he'd call + At the masquerade ball, + He said, "I'll go just as I am." + + S was a shy Salamander, + Who slept on a sunny veranda. + She calmly reposed, + But, alas! while she dozed + They caught her and killed her and canned her. + + T was a tidy young Tapir, + Who went out to bring in the paper; + And when he came back + He made no muddy track, + For he wiped his feet clean on the scraper. + + U was a young Unicorn, + The bravest that ever was born. + They bought him a boat + And they set him afloat, + And straightway he sailed for Cape Horn. + + V was a vigorous Vulture, + Who taught animals physical culture; + When a pupil dropped dead, + The kind teacher said, + "You needn't consider sepulture." + + W was a wild Worm, + All day he did nothing but squirm. + They sent him to school, + But he broke every rule, + And left at the end of the term. + + X was a Xiphias brave, + Who lived on the crest of the wave. + To each fish he would say, + "Good day, sir, good day!" + And then a polite bow he gave. + + Y was a young Yellowhammer, + Who raised a ridiculous clamor; + And he chattered until + An owl said, "Keep still! + I'm trying to study my grammar." + + Z was a zealous old Zibet, + Toboggans he tried to prohibit. + If any one tried + To take a sly slide, + He ordered him hanged on a gibbet. + + + + + Found Wanting + + + [Illustration] + + There lived a wondrous sculptor once, a genius in his way, + Named Phidias Praxiteles Canova Merryday. + He sat within his studio and said, "I really must + Begin a Rhodian anaglyptic ceroplastic bust. + + "My customers demand them, their fame rings near and far, + But then, alas, the trouble is, I don't know what they are. + Though I could carve a Venus or a Belvedere with ease, + My wondrous skill is lacking when it comes to carving these. + + "I cast and cut and chisel, I model and I mould, + I copy poses picturesque from studies new and old; + In marble, bronze, and potter's clay, in wax and wood and stone + I carve the old-time statues with improvements of my own. + + [Illustration] + + "I have Apollo on a horse, Minerva on a wheel, + Hercules going fishing with his basket and his creel. + A Mercury on roller-skates, Diana with a hat, + And Venus playing tennis with Achilles at the bat. + + "Yet these my customers pass by, and ask with interest keen, + For things with long and tiresome names,--I don't know what they mean. + And so I let my hammers hang, and let my chisels rust, + For I cannot do an anaglyptic ceroplastic bust." + + + + + A Tragic Tale of Tea + + + [Illustration] + + The Beetle was blind, and the Bat was blinder, + And they went to take tea with the Scissors-grinder. + The Scissors-grinder had gone away + Across the ocean to spend the day; + But he'd tied his bell to the grapevine swing. + The Bat and the Beetle heard it ring, + And neither the Beetle nor Bat could see + Why no one offered them any tea. + So, polite and patient, they're waiting yet + For the cup of tea they expect to get. + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Erratic Rat + + + [Illustration] + + There was a ridiculous Rat + Who was awfully puffy and fat. + "I'll carry," he said, + "This plate on my head, + 'Twill answer in place of a hat." + + [Illustration] + + And then he remarked with a frown, + "I suppose that I must have a gown; + I'll make me a kilt + Of this old crazy-quilt, + To wear when I'm going to town. + + "And of course, though the weather is warm, + It may be there'll come up a storm; + An umbrella I'll make + Of a caraway cake, + It'll match with my whole uniform. + + And I'll carry a bottle of ink + In case I should wish for a drink; + And this flat-iron so sweet + I'll take with me to eat, + And now I am ready, I think." + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + The Two Friends + + + A Spider and a Centipede went out to take a walk; + The Centipede said frankly, "I will listen while you talk, + But I may appear distracted, or assume a vacant stare, + Because to keep my feet in step requires my constant care." + + Said the Spider: "I appreciate your most peculiar case, + And your feet must be quite handy when you want to run a race; + But though you gain in some ways, in some other ways you lose; + And, of course, my friend, you must be quite extravagant in shoes." + + "Ah! yes. Ah! yes," a heavy sigh escaped the Centipede; + "And I have other trials, too;--my life is hard indeed! + Why, sometimes when I'm very tired, a long, long time it takes + To ascertain with certainty which foot it is that aches. + + "And when I go to dancing-class on Saturdays at three, + I find the First Position very difficult for me. + Though I put my best foot foremost, and good time I try to keep, + To my chagrin, I often find a foot or two asleep. + + Athletics I attempted, but, alas! I must admit + That every exercise I tried I put my foot in it. + I think I'll join a foot-ball team,--as many friends suggest,-- + Before I've one foot in the grave and gout in all the rest. + + But now I'll say good-morning; for, my friend, I have to stop + To get my boots blacked neatly at this little boot-black's shop; + And, as you may imagine, it will keep me here some time, + But, what is worse, I'll have to pay him many a hard-earned dime." + + The Spider said good-morning, and pursued his way alone, + And as he went he murmured, in a thoughtful undertone: + "I'm a happy little Spider, and I'm very glad indeed, + That I was born an octoped and not a centipede!" + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Smiling Shark + + + There was an old Shark with a smile + So broad you could see it a mile. + He said to his friends, + As he sewed up the ends, + "It was really too wide for the style." + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Mercury's Plaint + + + [Illustration] + + I don't know why I'm slandered so, + If I go high,--if I go low,-- + There's always some one who will say, + "Just see that mercury to-day!" + And whether toward the top I crawl + Or down toward zero I may fall, + They always fret, and say that I + Am far too low or far too high. + Although I try with all my might, + I never seem to strike it right. + Now I admit it seems to me + They show great inconsistency. + But _they_ imply _I_ am to blame; + Of course that makes my anger flame, + And in a fiery fit of pique + I stay at ninety for a week. + Or sometimes in a dull despair, + I give them just a frigid stare; + And as upon their taunts I think + My spirits down to zero sink. + Mine is indeed a hopeless case; + To strive to please the human race! + + [Illustration] + + + + + The Pirate Poodle + + + Once there was a Pirate Poodle, + And he sailed the briny seas + From the land of Yankee Doodle + Southward to the Caribbees. + + [Illustration] + + He would boast with tales outlandish, + Of his valor and renown; + And his cutlass he would brandish + With a fearful pirate frown. + + So ferocious was his manner + All his crew looked on, aghast; + And his fearful pirate banner + Floated from his pirate mast. + + He reiterated proudly + Naught had power to make him quail; + Yet when thunder roared _too_ loudly + He would turn a trifle pale. + + And he turned a little paler + When there came a sudden squall; + For this funny little sailor + Was ridiculously small. + + [Illustration] + + And whene'er a storm portended + He'd betake himself below. + So much fear and courage blended + Did a pirate ever show? + + + + + [Illustration] + + An Old Love + + + Priscilla, Auntie's promised me + A brand-new Paris doll; + And though I love you, yet you see + I cannot keep you all. + + Nursey declares I really must + Throw one of you away; + And you're the oldest, so I trust + You will not care to stay. + + You've lost an arm, your dress is torn, + Your wig is all awry; + Priscilla, you are so forlorn, + We'll have to say good-by. + + And yet--oh, don't! my dolly dear, + _Don't_ look so sad, I pray! + You precious dolly, come right here, + You _shan't_ be thrown away! + + You're ragged, yes, and lame and blind, + You're really but a wreck; + But, dear Priscilla, never mind, + _I_ do not care a speck. + + Your eyes do nicely when they're shut, + And I can mend the rest; + Well--p'raps I'll love the new one--but + I'll always love _you_ best. + + + + + Bobby's Pocket + + + Our Bobby is a little boy, of six years old, or so; + And every kind of rubbish in his pocket he will stow. + + One day he thought he'd empty it (so he again could stock it); + And here's an alphabet of what was found in Bobby's pocket. + + A was a rosy Apple, with some bites out, here and there; + B was a bouncing rubber Ball that bounded in the air. + + C was a crispy crusty Cake with citron on the top; + D was a dancing Donkey that could jump around and hop. + + E was a little robin's Egg, all speckled blue and brown; + F was a fluffy Feather that was white and soft as down. + + G was a lively Grasshopper, whose legs and wings were green; + H was a grimy Handkerchief that once perhaps was clean. + + I was a plaster Image that had lost its plaster head; + J was a jolly Jumping-Jack all painted blue and red. + + K was a keen and shining Knife, 'twould cut the toughest bark; + L was a little wooden Lion, strayed out of Noah's Ark. + + M was a Marble, large and round, with colors bright and clear; + N was a bent and rusty Nail, of little use, I fear. + + O was a tiny Oil-can, which was always upside down; + P was a Penny Bob had saved to spend some day in town. + + Q was a Quilted ear-tab, which had lost its velvet mate; + R was a Ring with a glassy gem of wondrous size and weight. + + S was a String, a piece of Soap, a Stone, a Sponge, a Stick; + T was a lump of Taffy, exceeding soft and thick. + + U, an Umbrella-handle, of silver-mounted horn; + V was a comic Valentine, a little creased and worn. + + W was some sticky Wax, lovely to pinch and mould; + X was an old Xpress receipt, worn out in every fold. + + Y was a lot of Yellow Yarn, all bunched up like a mop; + Z was a jagged piece of Zinc, found in a plumber's shop. + + All these are Bob's possessions; he loves every single thing; + And owning all these treasures he's as happy as a King! + + + + + The Instructiphone + + + [Illustration] + + There was a youthful genius once, a boy of thirteen years, + Named Cyrus Franklin Edison Lavoisier De Squeers. + To study he was not inclined, for fun he had a bent; + But there was just one article he wanted to invent. + + "It's a sort of a contraption which will work itself," he said, + "And, without studying, will put my lessons in my head." + He thought and puzzled o'er his plan, he worked with might and main + To utilize the wondrous schemes within his fertile brain: + + Until at last the thing was done, and to his friends said he: + "It is the wonder of the age! Success I can foresee! + My great invention is complete, and--'tis no idle vaunt-- + I'm sure that my Instructiphone will fill a long-felt want. + + "The action is quite simple--I will try to make it clear: + This funnel-shaped receiver I apply to my left ear; + Then in this hopper I will put whate'er I wish to learn-- + A page of history or of Greek,--and then this crank I'll turn. + + "The topic goes into this tube, a sort of phonograph + Which acts directly on my mind,--it _does_, you needn't laugh! + I do not have to think at all, for, as I pull this chain, + My wonderful machine transmits the knowledge to my brain." + + The plan was good, the works were fine, and yet there was a flaw; + When Cyrus turned the crank around, the neighbors watched with awe. + He confidently pulled the chain with motion quick and deft; + The knowledge entered his right ear--and came out at his left. + + He tried again,--a page of Greek; he tried a theme occult,-- + A message and an errand,--every time the same result! + Then Cyrus knew that somehow his machine had missed its aim; + For though the works ran smoothly it was always just the same. + + No matter what the book might be, or what it was about, + It would go in at one ear,--at the other 'twould come out! + So in his laboratory, baffled Cyrus sitting lone, + Strives to correct the sad defect in his Instructiphone. + + But it is my opinion, there's no fault in the machine: + The trouble is that Cyrus is like other boys I've seen. + + + + + The Lay of the Lady Lorraine + + + The Lady Lorraine was sweet and fair; + The Lady Lorraine was young; + She had wonderful eyes and glorious hair, + And a voice of a cadence rich and rare; + Oh, she was a lady beyond compare-- + By all were her praises sung, + Till valley and plain + Took up the refrain, + And rang with the praise of the Lady Lorraine. + + And besides all charms of form and face, + There were other attractions about Her Grace; + Besides her delicate, lily-white hands, + She had rolling acres and broad, rich lands; + Besides her patrician coat of arms, + She had far-reaching forests and fertile farms; + And of many an ancient and wide domain + The beautiful lady was chatelaine. + So of course at her door + There were suitors galore; + They came by the dozen, and came by the score. + + [Illustration] + + They came in droves, and they came in hordes, + Titled nobility,--princes, lords, + Dukes and marquises, viscounts and peers, + Ambassadors, marshals, grandees, grenadiers, + Barons and baronets, earls, and esquires, + Illustrious sons of illustrious sires: + But 'twas ever in vain + They sought to attain + The heart and the hand of the Lady Lorraine. + And day after day + They turned sadly away; + For the Lady Lorraine continued to say, + Decidedly, certainly, stubbornly, "Nay!" + She cared not for wreaths of laurel or bay, + Their titles or rent rolls or uniforms gay, + Their medals or ribbons or gaudy display, + Their splendid equipment, demeanor, or bearing; + She observed not their manners, nor what they were wearing; + Their marvellous exploits for her had no charms: + Their prowess in tourney, their valor at arms; + Their wondrous achievements of brawn or of brain,-- + All, all were as naught to the Lady Lorraine. + To each suitor she'd say, with her hand on her heart, + "Sir, I ask of you only that you will depart." + + In vain they entreated, they begged and they plead, + They coaxed and besought, and they sullenly said + That she was hard-hearted, unfeeling, and cruel. + They challenged each other to many a duel; + They scowled and they scolded, they sulked and they sighed, + But they could not win Lady Lorraine for a bride. + + Now the reason for this, as you may have divined, + Was because in her maidenly heart was enshrined + The image of one who was just to her mind: + Who was loving and kind, + To whose faults she was blind,-- + The lord of her heart, and the love of her life, + To whom she had promised to be a fond wife. + Her Highness was happy, for even now he + Was hastening to her across the blue sea. + He had written to say he was then on the way, + And would greet his fair lady on Christmas day. + + * * * + + 'Twas Christmas eve. In the old oak hall + Preparations were made for the Christmas ball. + Gay garlands were hung from ceiling and wall; + The Yule log was laid, the tables arrayed, + And the Lady Lorraine and her whole cavalcade, + From the pompous old steward to the scullery-maid, + Were all in a fluster, + Excitement and bluster, + And everything shone with a marvellous lustre. + + [Illustration] + + Such savory viands the larders presented; + Such wondrous confections the bakers invented: + Such pasties and cates of eccentric design; + Such sparkling decanters of rarest old wine; + And ready at hand was the great wassail-bowl, + And the jolly old boar's head, with lemon, so droll. + The nook for musicians was carefully planned, + And carols and glees would be played by the band. + + [Illustration] + + At last all was ready. The workmen were done; + And awaiting the jollity, mirth, and frivolity, + The games and the dancing, the feasting and fun, + The old hall was empty,--save only for one,-- + The Lady Lorraine, who surveyed it with pride, + And said, "It is worthy of Lord Cecil's bride!" + Then a bright smile illumined her happy young face, + Her roguish eyes twinkled, and gayly Her Grace + Crossed the old polished floor with a step light and quick, + And her high slipper heels went clickety-click. + She looked cautiously round,--she was all by herself; + Like a mischievous elf, + She took from a shelf + A mistletoe spray with its berries like pearls; + Then tossing her head and shaking her curls, + In a manner half daring and yet half afraid, + The madcap maid, with a smile that betrayed + Expectant thoughts of her lover dear, + Fastened the spray to the chandelier. + + [Illustration] + + Then in a merry, fanciful mood, + Inspired by the time and the solitude, + The Lady Lorraine, + In whimsical vein, + Said, "On Christmas eve, 'neath this mistletoe bough, + I'll solemnly make an immutable vow." + With a glance at the portraits that hung on the wall, + She said, "I adjure ye to witness, all: + I vow by the names that I've long revered,-- + By my great-great-grandfather's great gray beard, + By my father's sword, by my uncle's hat, + By my spinster aunt's Angora cat, + By my ancient grandame's buckled shoes, + By my uncle Gregory's marvellous brews, + By Sir Sydney's wig, + And his ruff so big,-- + Indeed, by his whole preposterous rig,-- + By the scutcheon and crest, and all the rest + Of the signs of my house, I vow this vow: + That whoever beneath this mistletoe bough + Shall first kiss me, he--none but he-- + My partner for life shall henceforth be." + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + She had scarcely ceased when she heard a sound. + She looked around, + And, startled, found + From the old oak chimney place it came. + For there, as if in an old oak frame, + A figure quaint, yet familiar too, + Met her astonished, bewildered view. + Of aspect merry, yet something weird, + With kind blue eyes and a long white beard, + Fur-trimmed cloak, and a peaked cap, + Rosy cheeks,--a jolly old chap; + And, though surprised, she recognized + St. Nicholas, dear to her childhood days, + And she met his smile with a welcome gaze. + + The jolly old man beheld Her Grace, + With her laughing eyes and her winsome face; + He couldn't resist her,-- + Indeed, who could?-- + And he heartily kissed her + Where she stood! + And exultingly cried, "I heard your vow; + And Lady Lorraine shall be _my_ bride now!" + + [Illustration] + + The lady trembled, as in a daze; + With a startled gaze of blank amaze, + She looked at the figure who stood by her side + And audaciously claimed her for his bride. + + Then she bowed her head + And the color fled + From the cheeks that his kiss had flushed rosy red. + Her heart was filled with a sad despair + As she thought of her lover, Lord Cecil Clare, + And his dire dismay + When on Christmas day + He should ride up gayly in brave array, + And find his sweetheart stolen away. + + But the honor and pride of her race were at stake; + And for conscience' sake + She dared not break + Her solemn vow, though her heart might ache. + To be true to her word, her sire had taught her, + And she was a loyal, obedient daughter. + She appealed to the portraits of squires and dames, + Who looked sternly down from their gilded frames; + But they seemed to say, "There must ne'er be broken + A promise or vow a Lorraine has spoken." + + With stifled sighs, and with tears in her eyes, + Though she tried to assume a cheerful guise, + She turned to the suitor who stood apart, + Awaiting the gift of her hand and heart; + And she said with a gentle, dignified air: + "My heart belongs to Lord Cecil Clare; + But my fatal vow, + Though I rue it now, + I dare not break. So, at your command, + I fulfil it! On you I bestow my hand." + + "O noble lady!" her suitor cried, + "'Twas only a merry test I tried. + Full well I knew + That your heart was true. + Behold your lover, my bonny bride! + I assumed this guise for a Christmas joke." + And as he spoke, + He threw off his cloak, + He flung to the floor his peaked hood, + And a gallant knight before her stood! + + [Illustration] + + He doffed his wig and his long white beard; + All signs of St. Nicholas disappeared; + And smiling there, in the firelight's glare, + Was the gay and noble Lord Cecil Clare! + + The lady marvelled--a glad surprise + Betokened itself in her lovely eyes; + And with her merriment quite restored, + She said, "You are welcome home, my lord; + And I'm thankful, now, + That I kept my vow." + + Lord Cecil raised her hand to his lips, + And gallantly kissed her finger tips; + While the squires and dames + Looked down from their frames, + And "Bless you, my children!" they seemed to say. + Then the band appeared, and began to play; + The guests arrived, and without delay + The fun commenced, and the old oak hall + Never had known such a Christmas ball! + The feast was spread, + And the dance was led + By the knight and the lady, and every one said, + With a shout that rent the midnight air, + "Long live Lord Cecil and Lady Clare!" + + [Illustration] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Jingle Book, by Carolyn Wells + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE JINGLE BOOK *** + +***** This file should be named 24560.txt or 24560.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/5/6/24560/ + +Produced by Anne Storer and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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