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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Lost, by Edward Bellamy
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Lost
+       1898
+
+Author: Edward Bellamy
+
+Release Date: September 21, 2007 [EBook #22712]
+Last Updated: December 18, 2016
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOST ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+LOST
+
+By Edward Bellamy
+
+1898
+
+
+The 25th of May, 1866, was no doubt to many a quite indifferent date,
+but to two persons it was the saddest day of their lives. Charles
+Randall that day left Bonn, Germany, to catch the steamer home to
+America, and Ida Werner was left with a mountain of grief on her gentle
+bosom, which must be melted away drop by drop, in tears, before she
+could breathe freely again.
+
+A year before, Randall, hunting for apartments, his last term at
+the university just begun, had seen the announcement, “_Zimmer zu
+vermiethen_,” in the hall below the flat where the Werners lived. Ida
+answered his ring, for her father was still at his government office,
+and her mother had gone out to the market to buy the supper. She would
+much rather her mother had been at home to show the gentleman the rooms;
+but, knowing that they could not afford to lose a chance to rent them,
+she plucked up courage, and, candle in hand, showed him through the
+suite. When he came next day with his baggage, he learned for the first
+time what manner of apartments he had engaged; for although he had
+protracted the investigation the previous evening to the furthest
+corner, and had been most exacting as to explanations, he had really
+rented the rooms entirely on account of a certain light in which a set
+of Madonna features, in auburn hair, had shown at the first opening of
+the door.
+
+A year had passed since this, and a week ago a letter from home had
+stated that his father, indignant at his unexplained stay six months
+beyond the end of his course, had sent him one last remittance, barely
+sufficient for a steamer ticket, with the intimation that if he did not
+return on a set day, he must thenceforth attend to his own exchequer.
+The 25th was the last day on which he could leave Bonn to catch the
+requisite steamer. Had it been in November, nature at least would have
+sympathized; it was cruel that their autumn time of separation should
+fall in the spring, when the sky is full of bounteous promise and the
+earth of blissful trust.
+
+Love is so improvident that a parting a year away is no more feared than
+death, and a month’s end seems dim and distant. But a week,--a week
+only,--that even to love is short, and the beginning of the end. The
+chilling mist that rose from the gulf of separation so near before them
+overshadowed all the brief remnant of their path. They were constantly
+together. But a silence had come upon them. Never had words seemed
+idler, they had so much to say. They could say nothing that did not mock
+the weight on their hearts, and seem trivial and impertinent because it
+was exclusive of more important matter. The utmost they could do was
+to lay their hearts open toward each other to receive every least
+impression of voice, and look, and manner, to be remembered afterward.
+At evening they went into the minster church, and, sitting in the
+shadows, listened to the sweet, shrill choir of boys whose music
+distilled the honey of sorrow; and as the deep bass organ chords gripped
+their hearts with the tones that underlie all weal and woe, they looked
+in each other’s eyes, and did for a space feel so near that all the
+separation that could come after seemed but a trifling thing.
+
+It was all arranged between them. He was to earn money, or get a
+position in business, and return in a year or two at most and bring her
+to America.
+
+“Oh,” she said once, “if I could but sleep till thou comest again to
+wake me, how blessed I should be; but, alas, I must wake all through the
+desolate time!”
+
+Although for the most part she comforted him rather than he her, yet at
+times she gave way, and once suddenly turned to him and hid her face on
+his breast, and said, trembling with tearless sobs:--
+
+“I know I shall never see thee more, Karl. Thou wilt forget me in thy
+great, far land and wilt love another. My heart tells me so.”
+
+And then she raised her head, and her streaming eyes blazed with anger.
+
+“I will hover about thee, and if thou lovest another, I will kill her as
+she sleeps by thy side.”
+
+And the woman must have loved him much who, after seeing that look of
+hers, would have married him. But a moment after she was listening with
+abject ear to his promises.
+
+The day came at last. He was to leave at three o’clock. After the
+noontide meal, Ida’s mother sat with them and they talked a little about
+America, Frau Werner exerting herself to give a cheerful tone to the
+conversation, and Randall answering her questions absently and without
+taking his eyes off Ida, who felt herself beginning to be seized with a
+nervous trembling. At last Frau Werner rose and silently left the room,
+looking back at them as she closed the door with eyes full of tears.
+Then, as if by a common impulse, they rose and put their arms about each
+other’s necks, and their lips met in a long, shuddering kiss. The breath
+came quicker and quicker; sobs broke the kisses; tears poured down
+and made them salt and bitter, as parting kisses should be in which
+sweetness is mockery. Hitherto they had controlled their feelings, or
+rather she had controlled him; but it was no use any longer, for
+the time had come, and they abandoned themselves to the terrible
+voluptuousness of unrestrained grief, in which there is a strange,
+meaningless suggestion of power, as though it might possibly be a force
+that could affect or remove its own cause if but wild and strong enough.
+
+“Herr Randall, the carriage waits and you will lose the train,” said
+Frau Werner from the door, in a husky voice.
+
+“I will not go, by God!” he swore, as he felt her clasp convulsively
+strengthen at the summons. The lesser must yield to the greater, and
+no loss or gain on earth was worth the grief upon her face. His father
+might disinherit him, America might sink, but she must smile again. And
+she did,--brave, true girl and lover. The devotion his resolute words
+proved was like a strong nervine to restore her self-control. She smiled
+as well as her trembling lips would let her, and said, as she loosed him
+from her arms:--
+
+“No, thou must go, Karl. But thou wilt return, _nicht wahr?_”
+
+I would not venture to say how many times he rushed to the door, and,
+glancing back at her as she stood there desolate, followed his glance
+once more to her side. Finally, Frau Werner led him as one dazed to the
+carriage, and the impatient driver drove off at full speed.
+
+It is seven years later, and Randall is pacing the deck of an ocean
+steamer, outward bound from New York. It is the evening of the first day
+out. Here and there passengers are leaning over the bulwarks, pensively
+regarding the sinking sun as it sets for the first time between them and
+their native land, or maybe taking in with awed faces the wonder of the
+deep, which has haunted their imaginations from childhood. Others are
+already busily striking up acquaintances with fellow-passengers, and a
+bridal pair over yonder sit thrilling with the sense of isolation from
+the world that so emphasizes their mutual dependence and all-importance
+to each other. And other groups are talking business, and referring to
+money and markets in New York, London, and Frankfort as glibly as if
+they were on land, much to the secret shock of certain raw tourists,
+who marvel at the in-sensitiveness of men who, thus speeding between two
+worlds, and freshly in the presence of the most august and awful form
+of nature, can keep their minds so steadily fixed upon cash-books and
+ledgers.
+
+But Randall, as, with the habit of an old voyager, he already falls to
+pacing the deck, is too much engrossed with his own thoughts to pay much
+heed to these things. Only, as he passes a group of Germans, and the
+familiar accents of the sweet, homely tongue fall on his ear, he pauses,
+and lingers near.
+
+The darkness gathers, the breeze freshens, the waves come tumbling out
+of the east, and the motion of the ship increases as she rears upward to
+meet them. The groups on deck are thinning out fast, as the passengers
+go below to enjoy the fearsome novelty of the first night at sea, and to
+compose themselves to sleep as it were in the hollow of God’s hand. But
+long into the night Randall’s cigar still marks his pacing up and
+down as he ponders, with alternations of tender, hopeful glow and sad
+foreboding, the chances of his quest. Will he find her?
+
+It is necessary to go back a little. When Randall reached America on his
+return from Germany, he immediately began to sow his wild oats, and gave
+his whole mind to it. Answering Ida’s letters got to be a bore, and he
+gradually ceased doing it. Then came a few sad reproaches from her, and
+their correspondence ceased. Meanwhile, having had his youthful fling,
+he settled down as a steady young man of business. One day he was
+surprised to observe that he had of late insensibly fallen into the
+habit of thinking a good deal in a pensive sort of way about Ida and
+those German days. The notion occurred to him that he would hunt up her
+picture, which he had not thought of in five years. With misty eyes and
+crowding memories he pored over it, and a wave of regretful, yearning
+tenderness filled his breast.
+
+Late one night, after long search, he found among his papers a bundle of
+her old letters, already growing yellow. Being exceedingly rusty in his
+German, he had to study them out word by word. That night, till the sky
+grew gray in the east, he sat there turning the pages of the dictionary
+with wet eyes and glowing face, and selecting definitions by the test of
+the heart. He found that some of these letters he had never before taken
+the pains to read through. In the bitterness of his indignation, he
+cursed the fool who had thrown away a love so loyal and priceless.
+
+All this time he had been thinking of Ida as if dead, so far off in
+another world did those days seem. It was with extraordinary effect that
+the idea finally flashed upon him that she was probably alive, and now
+in the prime of her beauty. After a period of feverish and impassioned
+excitement, he wrote a letter full of wild regret and beseeching, and
+an ineffable tenderness. Then he waited. After a long time it came back
+from the German dead-letter office. There was no person of the name at
+the address. She had left Bonn, then. Hastily setting his affairs in
+order, he sailed for Germany on the next steamer.
+
+The incidents of the voyage were a blank in his mind. On reaching Bonn,
+he went straight from the station to the old house in ------strasse.
+As he turned into it from the scarcely less familiar streets leading
+thither, and noted each accustomed landmark, he seemed to have just
+returned to tea from an afternoon lecture at the university. In every
+feature of the street some memory lurked, and, as he passed, threw
+out delaying tendrils, clutching at his heart. Rudely he broke away,
+hastening on to that house near the end of the street, in each of whose
+quaint windows fancy framed the longed-for face. She was not there,
+he knew, but for a while he stood on the other side of the street,
+unmindful of the stares and jostling of the passers-by, gazing at the
+house-front, and letting himself imagine from moment to moment that her
+figure might flit across some window, or issue from the door, basket
+in hand, for the evening marketing, on which journey he had so often
+accompanied her. At length, crossing the street, he inquired for the
+Werner family. The present tenants had never heard the name. Perhaps the
+tenants from whom they had received the house might be better informed.
+Where were they? They had moved to Cologne. He next went to the Bonn
+police-office, and from the records kept there, in which pretty much
+everything about every citizen is set down, ascertained that several
+years previous Herr Werner had died of apoplexy, and that no one of the
+name was now resident in the city. Next day he went to Cologne, hunted
+up the former tenants of the house, and found that they remembered
+quite distinctly the Werner family, and the death of the father and
+only breadwinner. It had left the mother and daughter quite without
+resources, as Randall had known must probably have been the case. His
+informants had heard that they had gone to Dusseldorf.
+
+His search had become a fever. After waiting seven years, a delay of
+ten minutes was unendurable. The trains seemed to creep. And yet, on
+reaching Diisseldorf, he did not at once go about his search, but said
+to himself:--
+
+“Let me not risk the killing of my last hope till I have warmed myself
+with it one more night, for to-morrow there may be no more warmth in it.”
+
+He went to a hotel, ordered a room and a bottle of wine, and sat over it
+all night, indulging the belief that he would find her the next day. He
+denied his imagination nothing, but conjured up before his mind’s eye
+the lovely vision of her fairest hour, complete even to the turn of
+the neck, the ribbon in the hair, and the light in the blue eyes. So he
+would turn into the street. Yes, here was the number. Then he rings the
+bell. She comes to the door. She regards him a moment indifferently.
+Then amazed recognition, love, happiness, transfigure her face. “Ida!”
+ “Karl!” and he clasps her sobbing to his bosom, from which she shall
+never be sundered again.
+
+The result of his search next day was the discovery that mother and
+daughter had been at Diisseldorf until about four years previous,
+where the mother had died of consumption, and the daughter had removed,
+leaving no address. The lodgings occupied by them were of a wretched
+character, showing that their circumstances must have been very much
+reduced.
+
+There was now no further clue to guide his search. It was destined that
+the last he was to know of her should be that she was thrown on the
+tender mercies of the world,--her last friend gone, her last penny
+expended. She was buried out of his sight, not in the peaceful grave,
+with its tender associations, but buried alive in the living world;
+hopelessly hid in the huge, writhing confusion of humanity. He lingered
+in the folly of despair about those sordid lodgings in Diisseldorf, as
+one might circle vainly about the spot in the ocean where some pearl of
+great price had fallen overboard.
+
+After a while he roused again, and began putting advertisements for Ida
+into the principal newspapers of Germany, and making random visits to
+towns all about to consult directories and police records. A singular
+sort of misanthropy possessed him. He cursed the multitude of towns and
+villages that reduced the chances in his favor to so small a thing. He
+cursed the teeming throngs of men, women, and children, in whose mass
+she was lost, as a jewel in a mountain of rubbish. Had he possessed the
+power, he would in those days, without an instant’s hesitation, have
+swept the bewildering, obstructing millions of Germany out of existence,
+as the miner washes away the earth to bring to light the grain of gold
+in his pan. He must have scanned a million women’s faces in that weary
+search, and the bitterness of that million-fold disappointment left its
+trace in a feeling of aversion for the feminine countenance and figure
+that he was long in overcoming.
+
+Knowing that only by some desperate chance he could hope to meet her in
+his random wanderings, it seemed to him that he was more likely to be
+successful by resigning as far as possible all volition, and leaving
+the guidance of the search to chance; as if Fortune were best disposed
+toward those who most entirely abdicated intelligence and trusted
+themselves to her. He sacredly followed every impulse, never making up
+his mind an hour before at what station he should leave the cars, and
+turning to the right or left in his wanderings through the streets of
+cities, as much as possible without intellectual choice. Sometimes,
+waking suddenly in the middle of the night, he would rise, dress with
+eager haste, and sally out to wander through the dark streets, thinking
+he might be led of Providence to meet her. And, once out, nothing but
+utter exhaustion could drive him back; for how could he tell but in
+the moment after he had gone, she might pass? He had recourse to every
+superstition of sortilege, clairvoyance, presentiment, and dreams.
+And all the time his desperation was singularly akin to hope. He dared
+revile no seeming failure, not knowing but just that was the necessary
+link in the chain of accidents destined to bring him face to face with
+her. The darkest hour might usher in the sunburst. The possibility that
+this was at last the blessed chance lit up his eyes ten thousand times
+as they fell on some new face.
+
+But at last he found himself back in Bonn, with the feverish infatuation
+of the gambler, which had succeeded hope in his mind, succeeded in turn
+by utter despair! His sole occupation now was revisiting the spots which
+he had frequented with her in that happy year. As one who has lost a
+princely fortune sits down at length to enumerate the little items of
+property that happen to be attached to his person, disregarded before
+but now his all, so Randall counted up like a miser the little store of
+memories that were thenceforth to be his all. Wonderfully, the smallest
+details of those days came back to him. The very seats they sat in at
+public places, the shops they entered together, their promenades and the
+pausing-places on them, revived in memory under a concentrated inward
+gaze like invisible paintings brought over heat.
+
+One afternoon, after wandering about the city for some hours, he turned
+into a park to rest. As he approached his usual bench, sacred to him
+because Ida and he in the old days had often sat there, he was annoyed
+to see it already occupied by a pleasant-faced, matronly looking German
+woman, who was complacently listening to the chatter of a couple of
+small children. Randall threw himself upon the unoccupied end of the
+bench, rather hoping that his gloomy and preoccupied air might cause
+them to depart and leave him to his melancholy reverie. And, indeed, it
+was not long before the children stopped their play and gathered timidly
+about their mother, and soon after the bench tilted slightly as she
+relieved it of her substantial charms, saying in a cheery, pleasant
+voice:--
+
+“Come, little ones, the father will be at home before us.”
+
+It was a secluded part of the garden, and the plentiful color left her
+cheeks as the odd gentleman at the other end of the bench turned with
+a great start at the sound of her voice, and transfixed her with a
+questioning look. But in a moment he said:--
+
+“Pardon me, madame, a thousand times. The sound of your voice so
+reminded me of a friend I have lost that I looked up involuntarily.”
+
+The woman responded with good-natured assurances that he had not at all
+alarmed her. Meanwhile Randall had an opportunity to notice that, in
+spite of the thick-waisted and generally matronly figure, there were,
+now he came to look closely, several rather marked resemblances to Ida.
+The eyes were of the same blue tint, though about half as large, the
+cheeks being twice as full. In spite of the ugly style of dressing it,
+he saw also that the hair was like Ida’s; and as for the nose, that
+feature which changes least, it might have been taken out of Ida’s own
+face. As may be supposed, he was thoroughly disgusted to be reminded of
+that sweet girlish vision by this broadly moulded, comfortable-looking
+matron. His romantic mood was scattered for that evening at least, and
+he knew he should not get the prosaic suggestions of the unfortunate
+resemblance out of his mind for a week at least. It would torment him as
+a humorous association spoils a sacred hymn.
+
+He bowed with rather an ill grace, and was about to retire, when a
+certain peculiar turn of the neck, as the lady acknowledged his salute,
+caught his eye and turned him to stone. Good God! this woman was Ida!
+
+He stood there in a condition of mental paralysis. The whole fabric of
+his thinking and feeling for months of intense emotional experience had
+instantly been annihilated, and he was left in the midst of a great void
+in his consciousness out of touching-reach of anything. There was no
+sharp pang, but just a bewildered numbness. A few filaments only of
+the romantic feeling for Ida that filled his mind a moment before
+still lingered, floating about it, unattached to anything, like vague
+neuralgic feelings in an amputated stump, as if to remind him of what
+had been there.
+
+All this was as instantaneous as a galvanic shock the moment he had
+recognized--let us not say Ida, but this evidence that she was no
+more. It occurred to him that the woman, who stood staring, was in
+common politeness entitled to some explanation. He was in just that
+state of mind when, the only serious interest having suddenly dropped
+out of the life, the minor conventionalities loom up as peculiarly
+important and obligatory.
+
+“You were Fraiilein Ida Werner, and lived at No.-- ------strasse in
+1866, _nicht wahr?_”
+
+He spoke in a cold, dead tone, as if making a necessary but distasteful
+explanation to a stranger.
+
+“Yes, truly,” replied the woman curiously; “but my name is now Frau
+Stein,” glancing at the children, who had been staring open-mouthed at
+the queer man.
+
+“Do you remember Karl Randall? I am he.”
+
+The most formal of old acquaintances could hardly have recalled himself
+in a more indifferent manner.
+
+“_Herr Gott im Himmel!_” exclaimed the woman, with the liveliest
+surprise and interest “Karl! Is it possible? Yes, now I recognize you.
+Surely! surely!”
+
+She clapped one hand to her bosom, and dropped on the bench to recover
+herself. Fleshy people, overcome by agitation, are rather disagreeable
+objects. Randall stood looking at her with a singular expression of
+aversion on his listless face. But, after panting a few times, the woman
+recovered her vivacity and began to ply him vigorously with exclamations
+and questions, beaming the while with delighted interest. He answered
+her like a schoolboy, too destitute of presence of mind to do otherwise
+than to yield passively to her impulse. But he made no inquiries
+whatever of her, and did not distantly allude to the reason of his
+presence in Germany. As he stood there looking at her, the real facts
+about that matter struck him as so absurd and incredible that he could
+not believe them himself.
+
+Pretty soon he observed that she was becoming a little conscious in her
+air, and giving a slightly sentimental turn to the conversation. It was
+not for some time that he saw her drift, so utterly without connection
+in his mind were Ida and this comfortable matron before him; and when he
+did, a smile at the exquisite absurdity of the thing barely twitched the
+corners of his mouth, and ended in a sad, puzzled stare that rather put
+the other out of countenance.
+
+But the children had now for some time been whimpering for supper and
+home, and at length Frau Stein rose, and, with an urgent request that
+Randall should call on her and see her husband, bade him a cordial
+adieu. He stood there watching her out of sight, with an unconscious
+smile of the most refined and subtle cynicism. Then he sat down and
+stared vacantly at the close-cropped grass on the opposite side of the
+path. By what handle should he lay hold of his thoughts?
+
+That woman could not retroact and touch the memory of Ida. That dear
+vision remained intact. He drew forth his locket, and opening it gazed
+passionately at the fair girlish face, now so hopelessly passed away. By
+that blessed picture he could hold her and defy the woman. Remembering
+that fat, jolly, comfortable matron, he should not at least ever again
+have to reproach himself with his cruel treatment of Ida. And yet why
+not? What had the woman to do with her? She had suffered as much as if
+the woman had not forgotten it all. His reckoning was with Ida,--was
+with her. Where should he find her? In what limbo could he imagine her?
+Ah, that was the wildering cruelty of it. She was not this woman, nor
+was she dead in any conceivable natural way so that her girlish spirit
+might have remained eternally fixed. She was nothing. She was nowhere.
+She existed only in this locket, and her only soul was in his heart, far
+more surely than in this woman who had forgotten her.
+
+Death was a hopeful, cheerful state compared to that nameless
+nothingness that was her portion. For had she been dead, he could still
+have loved her soul; but now she had none. The soul that once she had,
+and, if she had then died, might have kept, had been forfeited by living
+on, and had passed to this woman, and would from her pass on further
+till finally fixed and vested in the decrepitude of age by death. So,
+then, it was death and not life that secured the soul, and his sweet
+Ida had none because she had not died in time. Ah! had not he heard
+somewhere that the soul is immortal and never dies? Where, then, was
+Ida’s? She had disappeared utterly out of the universe. She had been
+transformed, destroyed, swallowed up in this woman, a living sepulchre,
+more cruel than the grave, for it devoured the soul as well as the
+body. Pah! this prating about immortality was absurd, convicted of
+meaninglessness before a tragedy like this; for what was an immortality
+worth that was given to her last decrepit phase of life, after all its
+beauty and strength and loveliness had passed soulless away? To be aught
+but a mockery, immortality must be as manifold as the manifold phases of
+life. Since life devours so many souls, why suppose death will spare the
+last one?
+
+But he would contend with destiny. Painters should multiply the face in
+his locket. He would immortalize her in a poem. He would constantly keep
+the lamp trimmed and burning before her shrine in his heart. She should
+live in spite of the woman.
+
+But he could now never make amends to her for the suffering his cruel,
+neglectful youth had caused her. He had scarcely realized before how
+much the longing to make good that wrong had influenced bis quest of
+her. Tears of remorse for an unatonable crime gathered in his eyes. He
+might, indeed, enrich this woman, or educate her children, or pension
+her husband; but that would be no atonement to Ida.
+
+And then, as if to intensify that remorse by showing still more clearly
+the impossibility of atonement, it flashed on him that he who loved Ida
+was not the one to atone for an offense of which he would be incapable,
+which had been committed by one who despised her love. Justice was a
+meaningless word, and amends were never possible, nor can men ever make
+atonement; for, ere the debt is paid, the atonement made, one who is not
+the sufferer stands to receive it; while, on the other hand, the one who
+atones is not the offender, but one who comes after him, loathing his
+offense and himself incapable of it. The dead must bury their dead. And,
+thus pondering from personal to general thoughts, the turmoil of his
+feelings gradually calmed, and a restful melancholy, vague and tender,
+filled the aching void in his heart.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Lost, by Edward Bellamy
+
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+
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diff --git a/22712-0.zip b/22712-0.zip
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+<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
+
+<!DOCTYPE html
+   PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+   "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" >
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en">
+  <head>
+    <title>
+      Lost, by Edward Bellamy
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
+
+    body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify}
+    P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
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+    hr  { width: 50%; text-align: center;}
+    .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; }
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+    .mynote    {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
+    .toc       { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
+    .toc2      { margin-left: 20%;}
+    div.fig    { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; }
+    div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; }
+    .figleft   {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;}
+    .figright  {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;}
+    .pagenum   {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal;
+               margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%;
+               text-align: right;}
+    pre        { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;}
+
+</style>
+  </head>
+  <body>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Lost, by Edward Bellamy
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Lost
+       1898
+
+Author: Edward Bellamy
+
+Release Date: September 21, 2007 [EBook #22712]
+Last Updated: December 17, 2016
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOST ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <h1>
+      LOST
+    </h1>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      By Edward Bellamy <br /> <br /> 1898
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The 25th of May, 1866, was no doubt to many a quite indifferent date, but
+      to two persons it was the saddest day of their lives. Charles Randall that
+      day left Bonn, Germany, to catch the steamer home to America, and Ida
+      Werner was left with a mountain of grief on her gentle bosom, which must
+      be melted away drop by drop, in tears, before she could breathe freely
+      again.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A year before, Randall, hunting for apartments, his last term at the
+      university just begun, had seen the announcement, &ldquo;<i>Zimmer zu vermiethen</i>,&rdquo;
+       in the hall below the flat where the Werners lived. Ida answered his ring,
+      for her father was still at his government office, and her mother had gone
+      out to the market to buy the supper. She would much rather her mother had
+      been at home to show the gentleman the rooms; but, knowing that they could
+      not afford to lose a chance to rent them, she plucked up courage, and,
+      candle in hand, showed him through the suite. When he came next day with
+      his baggage, he learned for the first time what manner of apartments he
+      had engaged; for although he had protracted the investigation the previous
+      evening to the furthest corner, and had been most exacting as to
+      explanations, he had really rented the rooms entirely on account of a
+      certain light in which a set of Madonna features, in auburn hair, had
+      shown at the first opening of the door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A year had passed since this, and a week ago a letter from home had stated
+      that his father, indignant at his unexplained stay six months beyond the
+      end of his course, had sent him one last remittance, barely sufficient for
+      a steamer ticket, with the intimation that if he did not return on a set
+      day, he must thenceforth attend to his own exchequer. The 25th was the
+      last day on which he could leave Bonn to catch the requisite steamer. Had
+      it been in November, nature at least would have sympathized; it was cruel
+      that their autumn time of separation should fall in the spring, when the
+      sky is full of bounteous promise and the earth of blissful trust.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Love is so improvident that a parting a year away is no more feared than
+      death, and a month&rsquo;s end seems dim and distant. But a week,&mdash;a week
+      only,&mdash;that even to love is short, and the beginning of the end. The
+      chilling mist that rose from the gulf of separation so near before them
+      overshadowed all the brief remnant of their path. They were constantly
+      together. But a silence had come upon them. Never had words seemed idler,
+      they had so much to say. They could say nothing that did not mock the
+      weight on their hearts, and seem trivial and impertinent because it was
+      exclusive of more important matter. The utmost they could do was to lay
+      their hearts open toward each other to receive every least impression of
+      voice, and look, and manner, to be remembered afterward. At evening they
+      went into the minster church, and, sitting in the shadows, listened to the
+      sweet, shrill choir of boys whose music distilled the honey of sorrow; and
+      as the deep bass organ chords gripped their hearts with the tones that
+      underlie all weal and woe, they looked in each other&rsquo;s eyes, and did for a
+      space feel so near that all the separation that could come after seemed
+      but a trifling thing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was all arranged between them. He was to earn money, or get a position
+      in business, and return in a year or two at most and bring her to America.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh,&rdquo; she said once, &ldquo;if I could but sleep till thou comest again to wake
+      me, how blessed I should be; but, alas, I must wake all through the
+      desolate time!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Although for the most part she comforted him rather than he her, yet at
+      times she gave way, and once suddenly turned to him and hid her face on
+      his breast, and said, trembling with tearless sobs:&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I know I shall never see thee more, Karl. Thou wilt forget me in thy
+      great, far land and wilt love another. My heart tells me so.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And then she raised her head, and her streaming eyes blazed with anger.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I will hover about thee, and if thou lovest another, I will kill her as
+      she sleeps by thy side.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the woman must have loved him much who, after seeing that look of
+      hers, would have married him. But a moment after she was listening with
+      abject ear to his promises.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The day came at last. He was to leave at three o&rsquo;clock. After the noontide
+      meal, Ida&rsquo;s mother sat with them and they talked a little about America,
+      Frau Werner exerting herself to give a cheerful tone to the conversation,
+      and Randall answering her questions absently and without taking his eyes
+      off Ida, who felt herself beginning to be seized with a nervous trembling.
+      At last Frau Werner rose and silently left the room, looking back at them
+      as she closed the door with eyes full of tears. Then, as if by a common
+      impulse, they rose and put their arms about each other&rsquo;s necks, and their
+      lips met in a long, shuddering kiss. The breath came quicker and quicker;
+      sobs broke the kisses; tears poured down and made them salt and bitter, as
+      parting kisses should be in which sweetness is mockery. Hitherto they had
+      controlled their feelings, or rather she had controlled him; but it was no
+      use any longer, for the time had come, and they abandoned themselves to
+      the terrible voluptuousness of unrestrained grief, in which there is a
+      strange, meaningless suggestion of power, as though it might possibly be a
+      force that could affect or remove its own cause if but wild and strong
+      enough.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Herr Randall, the carriage waits and you will lose the train,&rdquo; said Frau
+      Werner from the door, in a husky voice.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I will not go, by God!&rdquo; he swore, as he felt her clasp convulsively
+      strengthen at the summons. The lesser must yield to the greater, and no
+      loss or gain on earth was worth the grief upon her face. His father might
+      disinherit him, America might sink, but she must smile again. And she did,&mdash;brave,
+      true girl and lover. The devotion his resolute words proved was like a
+      strong nervine to restore her self-control. She smiled as well as her
+      trembling lips would let her, and said, as she loosed him from her arms:&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No, thou must go, Karl. But thou wilt return, <i>nicht wahr?</i>&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      I would not venture to say how many times he rushed to the door, and,
+      glancing back at her as she stood there desolate, followed his glance once
+      more to her side. Finally, Frau Werner led him as one dazed to the
+      carriage, and the impatient driver drove off at full speed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It is seven years later, and Randall is pacing the deck of an ocean
+      steamer, outward bound from New York. It is the evening of the first day
+      out. Here and there passengers are leaning over the bulwarks, pensively
+      regarding the sinking sun as it sets for the first time between them and
+      their native land, or maybe taking in with awed faces the wonder of the
+      deep, which has haunted their imaginations from childhood. Others are
+      already busily striking up acquaintances with fellow-passengers, and a
+      bridal pair over yonder sit thrilling with the sense of isolation from the
+      world that so emphasizes their mutual dependence and all-importance to
+      each other. And other groups are talking business, and referring to money
+      and markets in New York, London, and Frankfort as glibly as if they were
+      on land, much to the secret shock of certain raw tourists, who marvel at
+      the in-sensitiveness of men who, thus speeding between two worlds, and
+      freshly in the presence of the most august and awful form of nature, can
+      keep their minds so steadily fixed upon cash-books and ledgers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But Randall, as, with the habit of an old voyager, he already falls to
+      pacing the deck, is too much engrossed with his own thoughts to pay much
+      heed to these things. Only, as he passes a group of Germans, and the
+      familiar accents of the sweet, homely tongue fall on his ear, he pauses,
+      and lingers near.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The darkness gathers, the breeze freshens, the waves come tumbling out of
+      the east, and the motion of the ship increases as she rears upward to meet
+      them. The groups on deck are thinning out fast, as the passengers go below
+      to enjoy the fearsome novelty of the first night at sea, and to compose
+      themselves to sleep as it were in the hollow of God&rsquo;s hand. But long into
+      the night Randall&rsquo;s cigar still marks his pacing up and down as he
+      ponders, with alternations of tender, hopeful glow and sad foreboding, the
+      chances of his quest. Will he find her?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It is necessary to go back a little. When Randall reached America on his
+      return from Germany, he immediately began to sow his wild oats, and gave
+      his whole mind to it. Answering Ida&rsquo;s letters got to be a bore, and he
+      gradually ceased doing it. Then came a few sad reproaches from her, and
+      their correspondence ceased. Meanwhile, having had his youthful fling, he
+      settled down as a steady young man of business. One day he was surprised
+      to observe that he had of late insensibly fallen into the habit of
+      thinking a good deal in a pensive sort of way about Ida and those German
+      days. The notion occurred to him that he would hunt up her picture, which
+      he had not thought of in five years. With misty eyes and crowding memories
+      he pored over it, and a wave of regretful, yearning tenderness filled his
+      breast.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Late one night, after long search, he found among his papers a bundle of
+      her old letters, already growing yellow. Being exceedingly rusty in his
+      German, he had to study them out word by word. That night, till the sky
+      grew gray in the east, he sat there turning the pages of the dictionary
+      with wet eyes and glowing face, and selecting definitions by the test of
+      the heart. He found that some of these letters he had never before taken
+      the pains to read through. In the bitterness of his indignation, he cursed
+      the fool who had thrown away a love so loyal and priceless.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      All this time he had been thinking of Ida as if dead, so far off in
+      another world did those days seem. It was with extraordinary effect that
+      the idea finally flashed upon him that she was probably alive, and now in
+      the prime of her beauty. After a period of feverish and impassioned
+      excitement, he wrote a letter full of wild regret and beseeching, and an
+      ineffable tenderness. Then he waited. After a long time it came back from
+      the German dead-letter office. There was no person of the name at the
+      address. She had left Bonn, then. Hastily setting his affairs in order, he
+      sailed for Germany on the next steamer.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The incidents of the voyage were a blank in his mind. On reaching Bonn, he
+      went straight from the station to the old house in &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;strasse.
+      As he turned into it from the scarcely less familiar streets leading
+      thither, and noted each accustomed landmark, he seemed to have just
+      returned to tea from an afternoon lecture at the university. In every
+      feature of the street some memory lurked, and, as he passed, threw out
+      delaying tendrils, clutching at his heart. Rudely he broke away, hastening
+      on to that house near the end of the street, in each of whose quaint
+      windows fancy framed the longed-for face. She was not there, he knew, but
+      for a while he stood on the other side of the street, unmindful of the
+      stares and jostling of the passers-by, gazing at the house-front, and
+      letting himself imagine from moment to moment that her figure might flit
+      across some window, or issue from the door, basket in hand, for the
+      evening marketing, on which journey he had so often accompanied her. At
+      length, crossing the street, he inquired for the Werner family. The
+      present tenants had never heard the name. Perhaps the tenants from whom
+      they had received the house might be better informed. Where were they?
+      They had moved to Cologne. He next went to the Bonn police-office, and
+      from the records kept there, in which pretty much everything about every
+      citizen is set down, ascertained that several years previous Herr Werner
+      had died of apoplexy, and that no one of the name was now resident in the
+      city. Next day he went to Cologne, hunted up the former tenants of the
+      house, and found that they remembered quite distinctly the Werner family,
+      and the death of the father and only breadwinner. It had left the mother
+      and daughter quite without resources, as Randall had known must probably
+      have been the case. His informants had heard that they had gone to
+      Dusseldorf.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      His search had become a fever. After waiting seven years, a delay of ten
+      minutes was unendurable. The trains seemed to creep. And yet, on reaching
+      Diisseldorf, he did not at once go about his search, but said to himself:&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let me not risk the killing of my last hope till I have warmed myself
+      with it one more night, for to-morrow there may be no more warmth in it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      He went to a hotel, ordered a room and a bottle of wine, and sat over it
+      all night, indulging the belief that he would find her the next day. He
+      denied his imagination nothing, but conjured up before his mind&rsquo;s eye the
+      lovely vision of her fairest hour, complete even to the turn of the neck,
+      the ribbon in the hair, and the light in the blue eyes. So he would turn
+      into the street. Yes, here was the number. Then he rings the bell. She
+      comes to the door. She regards him a moment indifferently. Then amazed
+      recognition, love, happiness, transfigure her face. &ldquo;Ida!&rdquo; &ldquo;Karl!&rdquo; and he
+      clasps her sobbing to his bosom, from which she shall never be sundered
+      again.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The result of his search next day was the discovery that mother and
+      daughter had been at Diisseldorf until about four years previous, where
+      the mother had died of consumption, and the daughter had removed, leaving
+      no address. The lodgings occupied by them were of a wretched character,
+      showing that their circumstances must have been very much reduced.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There was now no further clue to guide his search. It was destined that
+      the last he was to know of her should be that she was thrown on the tender
+      mercies of the world,&mdash;her last friend gone, her last penny expended.
+      She was buried out of his sight, not in the peaceful grave, with its
+      tender associations, but buried alive in the living world; hopelessly hid
+      in the huge, writhing confusion of humanity. He lingered in the folly of
+      despair about those sordid lodgings in Diisseldorf, as one might circle
+      vainly about the spot in the ocean where some pearl of great price had
+      fallen overboard.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After a while he roused again, and began putting advertisements for Ida
+      into the principal newspapers of Germany, and making random visits to
+      towns all about to consult directories and police records. A singular sort
+      of misanthropy possessed him. He cursed the multitude of towns and
+      villages that reduced the chances in his favor to so small a thing. He
+      cursed the teeming throngs of men, women, and children, in whose mass she
+      was lost, as a jewel in a mountain of rubbish. Had he possessed the power,
+      he would in those days, without an instant&rsquo;s hesitation, have swept the
+      bewildering, obstructing millions of Germany out of existence, as the
+      miner washes away the earth to bring to light the grain of gold in his
+      pan. He must have scanned a million women&rsquo;s faces in that weary search,
+      and the bitterness of that million-fold disappointment left its trace in a
+      feeling of aversion for the feminine countenance and figure that he was
+      long in overcoming.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Knowing that only by some desperate chance he could hope to meet her in
+      his random wanderings, it seemed to him that he was more likely to be
+      successful by resigning as far as possible all volition, and leaving the
+      guidance of the search to chance; as if Fortune were best disposed toward
+      those who most entirely abdicated intelligence and trusted themselves to
+      her. He sacredly followed every impulse, never making up his mind an hour
+      before at what station he should leave the cars, and turning to the right
+      or left in his wanderings through the streets of cities, as much as
+      possible without intellectual choice. Sometimes, waking suddenly in the
+      middle of the night, he would rise, dress with eager haste, and sally out
+      to wander through the dark streets, thinking he might be led of Providence
+      to meet her. And, once out, nothing but utter exhaustion could drive him
+      back; for how could he tell but in the moment after he had gone, she might
+      pass? He had recourse to every superstition of sortilege, clairvoyance,
+      presentiment, and dreams. And all the time his desperation was singularly
+      akin to hope. He dared revile no seeming failure, not knowing but just
+      that was the necessary link in the chain of accidents destined to bring
+      him face to face with her. The darkest hour might usher in the sunburst.
+      The possibility that this was at last the blessed chance lit up his eyes
+      ten thousand times as they fell on some new face.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But at last he found himself back in Bonn, with the feverish infatuation
+      of the gambler, which had succeeded hope in his mind, succeeded in turn by
+      utter despair! His sole occupation now was revisiting the spots which he
+      had frequented with her in that happy year. As one who has lost a princely
+      fortune sits down at length to enumerate the little items of property that
+      happen to be attached to his person, disregarded before but now his all,
+      so Randall counted up like a miser the little store of memories that were
+      thenceforth to be his all. Wonderfully, the smallest details of those days
+      came back to him. The very seats they sat in at public places, the shops
+      they entered together, their promenades and the pausing-places on them,
+      revived in memory under a concentrated inward gaze like invisible
+      paintings brought over heat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One afternoon, after wandering about the city for some hours, he turned
+      into a park to rest. As he approached his usual bench, sacred to him
+      because Ida and he in the old days had often sat there, he was annoyed to
+      see it already occupied by a pleasant-faced, matronly looking German
+      woman, who was complacently listening to the chatter of a couple of small
+      children. Randall threw himself upon the unoccupied end of the bench,
+      rather hoping that his gloomy and preoccupied air might cause them to
+      depart and leave him to his melancholy reverie. And, indeed, it was not
+      long before the children stopped their play and gathered timidly about
+      their mother, and soon after the bench tilted slightly as she relieved it
+      of her substantial charms, saying in a cheery, pleasant voice:&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come, little ones, the father will be at home before us.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      It was a secluded part of the garden, and the plentiful color left her
+      cheeks as the odd gentleman at the other end of the bench turned with a
+      great start at the sound of her voice, and transfixed her with a
+      questioning look. But in a moment he said:&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Pardon me, madame, a thousand times. The sound of your voice so reminded
+      me of a friend I have lost that I looked up involuntarily.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The woman responded with good-natured assurances that he had not at all
+      alarmed her. Meanwhile Randall had an opportunity to notice that, in spite
+      of the thick-waisted and generally matronly figure, there were, now he
+      came to look closely, several rather marked resemblances to Ida. The eyes
+      were of the same blue tint, though about half as large, the cheeks being
+      twice as full. In spite of the ugly style of dressing it, he saw also that
+      the hair was like Ida&rsquo;s; and as for the nose, that feature which changes
+      least, it might have been taken out of Ida&rsquo;s own face. As may be supposed,
+      he was thoroughly disgusted to be reminded of that sweet girlish vision by
+      this broadly moulded, comfortable-looking matron. His romantic mood was
+      scattered for that evening at least, and he knew he should not get the
+      prosaic suggestions of the unfortunate resemblance out of his mind for a
+      week at least. It would torment him as a humorous association spoils a
+      sacred hymn.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He bowed with rather an ill grace, and was about to retire, when a certain
+      peculiar turn of the neck, as the lady acknowledged his salute, caught his
+      eye and turned him to stone. Good God! this woman was Ida!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He stood there in a condition of mental paralysis. The whole fabric of his
+      thinking and feeling for months of intense emotional experience had
+      instantly been annihilated, and he was left in the midst of a great void
+      in his consciousness out of touching-reach of anything. There was no sharp
+      pang, but just a bewildered numbness. A few filaments only of the romantic
+      feeling for Ida that filled his mind a moment before still lingered,
+      floating about it, unattached to anything, like vague neuralgic feelings
+      in an amputated stump, as if to remind him of what had been there.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      All this was as instantaneous as a galvanic shock the moment he had
+      recognized&mdash;let us not say Ida, but this evidence that she was no
+      more. It occurred to him that the woman, who stood staring, was in common
+      politeness entitled to some explanation. He was in just that state of mind
+      when, the only serious interest having suddenly dropped out of the life,
+      the minor conventionalities loom up as peculiarly important and
+      obligatory.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You were Fraiilein Ida Werner, and lived at No.&mdash; &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;strasse
+      in 1866, <i>nicht wahr?</i>&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      He spoke in a cold, dead tone, as if making a necessary but distasteful
+      explanation to a stranger.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, truly,&rdquo; replied the woman curiously; &ldquo;but my name is now Frau
+      Stein,&rdquo; glancing at the children, who had been staring open-mouthed at the
+      queer man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do you remember Karl Randall? I am he.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The most formal of old acquaintances could hardly have recalled himself in
+      a more indifferent manner.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;<i>Herr Gott im Himmel!</i>&rdquo; exclaimed the woman, with the liveliest
+      surprise and interest &ldquo;Karl! Is it possible? Yes, now I recognize you.
+      Surely! surely!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      She clapped one hand to her bosom, and dropped on the bench to recover
+      herself. Fleshy people, overcome by agitation, are rather disagreeable
+      objects. Randall stood looking at her with a singular expression of
+      aversion on his listless face. But, after panting a few times, the woman
+      recovered her vivacity and began to ply him vigorously with exclamations
+      and questions, beaming the while with delighted interest. He answered her
+      like a schoolboy, too destitute of presence of mind to do otherwise than
+      to yield passively to her impulse. But he made no inquiries whatever of
+      her, and did not distantly allude to the reason of his presence in
+      Germany. As he stood there looking at her, the real facts about that
+      matter struck him as so absurd and incredible that he could not believe
+      them himself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Pretty soon he observed that she was becoming a little conscious in her
+      air, and giving a slightly sentimental turn to the conversation. It was
+      not for some time that he saw her drift, so utterly without connection in
+      his mind were Ida and this comfortable matron before him; and when he did,
+      a smile at the exquisite absurdity of the thing barely twitched the
+      corners of his mouth, and ended in a sad, puzzled stare that rather put
+      the other out of countenance.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But the children had now for some time been whimpering for supper and
+      home, and at length Frau Stein rose, and, with an urgent request that
+      Randall should call on her and see her husband, bade him a cordial adieu.
+      He stood there watching her out of sight, with an unconscious smile of the
+      most refined and subtle cynicism. Then he sat down and stared vacantly at
+      the close-cropped grass on the opposite side of the path. By what handle
+      should he lay hold of his thoughts?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      That woman could not retroact and touch the memory of Ida. That dear
+      vision remained intact. He drew forth his locket, and opening it gazed
+      passionately at the fair girlish face, now so hopelessly passed away. By
+      that blessed picture he could hold her and defy the woman. Remembering
+      that fat, jolly, comfortable matron, he should not at least ever again
+      have to reproach himself with his cruel treatment of Ida. And yet why not?
+      What had the woman to do with her? She had suffered as much as if the
+      woman had not forgotten it all. His reckoning was with Ida,&mdash;was with
+      her. Where should he find her? In what limbo could he imagine her? Ah,
+      that was the wildering cruelty of it. She was not this woman, nor was she
+      dead in any conceivable natural way so that her girlish spirit might have
+      remained eternally fixed. She was nothing. She was nowhere. She existed
+      only in this locket, and her only soul was in his heart, far more surely
+      than in this woman who had forgotten her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Death was a hopeful, cheerful state compared to that nameless nothingness
+      that was her portion. For had she been dead, he could still have loved her
+      soul; but now she had none. The soul that once she had, and, if she had
+      then died, might have kept, had been forfeited by living on, and had
+      passed to this woman, and would from her pass on further till finally
+      fixed and vested in the decrepitude of age by death. So, then, it was
+      death and not life that secured the soul, and his sweet Ida had none
+      because she had not died in time. Ah! had not he heard somewhere that the
+      soul is immortal and never dies? Where, then, was Ida&rsquo;s? She had
+      disappeared utterly out of the universe. She had been transformed,
+      destroyed, swallowed up in this woman, a living sepulchre, more cruel than
+      the grave, for it devoured the soul as well as the body. Pah! this prating
+      about immortality was absurd, convicted of meaninglessness before a
+      tragedy like this; for what was an immortality worth that was given to her
+      last decrepit phase of life, after all its beauty and strength and
+      loveliness had passed soulless away? To be aught but a mockery,
+      immortality must be as manifold as the manifold phases of life. Since life
+      devours so many souls, why suppose death will spare the last one?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But he would contend with destiny. Painters should multiply the face in
+      his locket. He would immortalize her in a poem. He would constantly keep
+      the lamp trimmed and burning before her shrine in his heart. She should
+      live in spite of the woman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But he could now never make amends to her for the suffering his cruel,
+      neglectful youth had caused her. He had scarcely realized before how much
+      the longing to make good that wrong had influenced bis quest of her. Tears
+      of remorse for an unatonable crime gathered in his eyes. He might, indeed,
+      enrich this woman, or educate her children, or pension her husband; but
+      that would be no atonement to Ida.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And then, as if to intensify that remorse by showing still more clearly
+      the impossibility of atonement, it flashed on him that he who loved Ida
+      was not the one to atone for an offense of which he would be incapable,
+      which had been committed by one who despised her love. Justice was a
+      meaningless word, and amends were never possible, nor can men ever make
+      atonement; for, ere the debt is paid, the atonement made, one who is not
+      the sufferer stands to receive it; while, on the other hand, the one who
+      atones is not the offender, but one who comes after him, loathing his
+      offense and himself incapable of it. The dead must bury their dead. And,
+      thus pondering from personal to general thoughts, the turmoil of his
+      feelings gradually calmed, and a restful melancholy, vague and tender,
+      filled the aching void in his heart.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+
+
+
+
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+</pre>
+  </body>
+</html>
diff --git a/22712.txt b/22712.txt
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/22712.txt
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Lost, by Edward Bellamy
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Lost
+       1898
+
+Author: Edward Bellamy
+
+Release Date: September 21, 2007 [EBook #22712]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOST ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+LOST
+
+By Edward Bellamy
+
+1898
+
+
+The 25th of May, 1866, was no doubt to many a quite indifferent date,
+but to two persons it was the saddest day of their lives. Charles
+Randall that day left Bonn, Germany, to catch the steamer home to
+America, and Ida Werner was left with a mountain of grief on her gentle
+bosom, which must be melted away drop by drop, in tears, before she
+could breathe freely again.
+
+A year before, Randall, hunting for apartments, his last term at
+the university just begun, had seen the announcement, "_Zimmer zu
+vermiethen_," in the hall below the flat where the Werners lived. Ida
+answered his ring, for her father was still at his government office,
+and her mother had gone out to the market to buy the supper. She would
+much rather her mother had been at home to show the gentleman the rooms;
+but, knowing that they could not afford to lose a chance to rent them,
+she plucked up courage, and, candle in hand, showed him through the
+suite. When he came next day with his baggage, he learned for the first
+time what manner of apartments he had engaged; for although he had
+protracted the investigation the previous evening to the furthest
+corner, and had been most exacting as to explanations, he had really
+rented the rooms entirely on account of a certain light in which a set
+of Madonna features, in auburn hair, had shown at the first opening of
+the door.
+
+A year had passed since this, and a week ago a letter from home had
+stated that his father, indignant at his unexplained stay six months
+beyond the end of his course, had sent him one last remittance, barely
+sufficient for a steamer ticket, with the intimation that if he did not
+return on a set day, he must thenceforth attend to his own exchequer.
+The 25th was the last day on which he could leave Bonn to catch the
+requisite steamer. Had it been in November, nature at least would have
+sympathized; it was cruel that their autumn time of separation should
+fall in the spring, when the sky is full of bounteous promise and the
+earth of blissful trust.
+
+Love is so improvident that a parting a year away is no more feared than
+death, and a month's end seems dim and distant. But a week,--a week
+only,--that even to love is short, and the beginning of the end. The
+chilling mist that rose from the gulf of separation so near before them
+overshadowed all the brief remnant of their path. They were constantly
+together. But a silence had come upon them. Never had words seemed
+idler, they had so much to say. They could say nothing that did not mock
+the weight on their hearts, and seem trivial and impertinent because it
+was exclusive of more important matter. The utmost they could do was
+to lay their hearts open toward each other to receive every least
+impression of voice, and look, and manner, to be remembered afterward.
+At evening they went into the minster church, and, sitting in the
+shadows, listened to the sweet, shrill choir of boys whose music
+distilled the honey of sorrow; and as the deep bass organ chords gripped
+their hearts with the tones that underlie all weal and woe, they looked
+in each other's eyes, and did for a space feel so near that all the
+separation that could come after seemed but a trifling thing.
+
+It was all arranged between them. He was to earn money, or get a
+position in business, and return in a year or two at most and bring her
+to America.
+
+"Oh," she said once, "if I could but sleep till thou comest again to
+wake me, how blessed I should be; but, alas, I must wake all through the
+desolate time!"
+
+Although for the most part she comforted him rather than he her, yet at
+times she gave way, and once suddenly turned to him and hid her face on
+his breast, and said, trembling with tearless sobs:--
+
+"I know I shall never see thee more, Karl. Thou wilt forget me in thy
+great, far land and wilt love another. My heart tells me so."
+
+And then she raised her head, and her streaming eyes blazed with anger.
+
+"I will hover about thee, and if thou lovest another, I will kill her as
+she sleeps by thy side."
+
+And the woman must have loved him much who, after seeing that look of
+hers, would have married him. But a moment after she was listening with
+abject ear to his promises.
+
+The day came at last. He was to leave at three o'clock. After the
+noontide meal, Ida's mother sat with them and they talked a little about
+America, Frau Werner exerting herself to give a cheerful tone to the
+conversation, and Randall answering her questions absently and without
+taking his eyes off Ida, who felt herself beginning to be seized with a
+nervous trembling. At last Frau Werner rose and silently left the room,
+looking back at them as she closed the door with eyes full of tears.
+Then, as if by a common impulse, they rose and put their arms about each
+other's necks, and their lips met in a long, shuddering kiss. The breath
+came quicker and quicker; sobs broke the kisses; tears poured down
+and made them salt and bitter, as parting kisses should be in which
+sweetness is mockery. Hitherto they had controlled their feelings, or
+rather she had controlled him; but it was no use any longer, for
+the time had come, and they abandoned themselves to the terrible
+voluptuousness of unrestrained grief, in which there is a strange,
+meaningless suggestion of power, as though it might possibly be a force
+that could affect or remove its own cause if but wild and strong enough.
+
+"Herr Randall, the carriage waits and you will lose the train," said
+Frau Werner from the door, in a husky voice.
+
+"I will not go, by God!" he swore, as he felt her clasp convulsively
+strengthen at the summons. The lesser must yield to the greater, and
+no loss or gain on earth was worth the grief upon her face. His father
+might disinherit him, America might sink, but she must smile again. And
+she did,--brave, true girl and lover. The devotion his resolute words
+proved was like a strong nervine to restore her self-control. She smiled
+as well as her trembling lips would let her, and said, as she loosed him
+from her arms:--
+
+"No, thou must go, Karl. But thou wilt return, _nicht wahr?_"
+
+I would not venture to say how many times he rushed to the door, and,
+glancing back at her as she stood there desolate, followed his glance
+once more to her side. Finally, Frau Werner led him as one dazed to the
+carriage, and the impatient driver drove off at full speed.
+
+It is seven years later, and Randall is pacing the deck of an ocean
+steamer, outward bound from New York. It is the evening of the first day
+out. Here and there passengers are leaning over the bulwarks, pensively
+regarding the sinking sun as it sets for the first time between them and
+their native land, or maybe taking in with awed faces the wonder of the
+deep, which has haunted their imaginations from childhood. Others are
+already busily striking up acquaintances with fellow-passengers, and a
+bridal pair over yonder sit thrilling with the sense of isolation from
+the world that so emphasizes their mutual dependence and all-importance
+to each other. And other groups are talking business, and referring to
+money and markets in New York, London, and Frankfort as glibly as if
+they were on land, much to the secret shock of certain raw tourists,
+who marvel at the in-sensitiveness of men who, thus speeding between two
+worlds, and freshly in the presence of the most august and awful form
+of nature, can keep their minds so steadily fixed upon cash-books and
+ledgers.
+
+But Randall, as, with the habit of an old voyager, he already falls to
+pacing the deck, is too much engrossed with his own thoughts to pay much
+heed to these things. Only, as he passes a group of Germans, and the
+familiar accents of the sweet, homely tongue fall on his ear, he pauses,
+and lingers near.
+
+The darkness gathers, the breeze freshens, the waves come tumbling out
+of the east, and the motion of the ship increases as she rears upward to
+meet them. The groups on deck are thinning out fast, as the passengers
+go below to enjoy the fearsome novelty of the first night at sea, and to
+compose themselves to sleep as it were in the hollow of God's hand. But
+long into the night Randall's cigar still marks his pacing up and
+down as he ponders, with alternations of tender, hopeful glow and sad
+foreboding, the chances of his quest. Will he find her?
+
+It is necessary to go back a little. When Randall reached America on his
+return from Germany, he immediately began to sow his wild oats, and gave
+his whole mind to it. Answering Ida's letters got to be a bore, and he
+gradually ceased doing it. Then came a few sad reproaches from her, and
+their correspondence ceased. Meanwhile, having had his youthful fling,
+he settled down as a steady young man of business. One day he was
+surprised to observe that he had of late insensibly fallen into the
+habit of thinking a good deal in a pensive sort of way about Ida and
+those German days. The notion occurred to him that he would hunt up her
+picture, which he had not thought of in five years. With misty eyes and
+crowding memories he pored over it, and a wave of regretful, yearning
+tenderness filled his breast.
+
+Late one night, after long search, he found among his papers a bundle of
+her old letters, already growing yellow. Being exceedingly rusty in his
+German, he had to study them out word by word. That night, till the sky
+grew gray in the east, he sat there turning the pages of the dictionary
+with wet eyes and glowing face, and selecting definitions by the test of
+the heart. He found that some of these letters he had never before taken
+the pains to read through. In the bitterness of his indignation, he
+cursed the fool who had thrown away a love so loyal and priceless.
+
+All this time he had been thinking of Ida as if dead, so far off in
+another world did those days seem. It was with extraordinary effect that
+the idea finally flashed upon him that she was probably alive, and now
+in the prime of her beauty. After a period of feverish and impassioned
+excitement, he wrote a letter full of wild regret and beseeching, and
+an ineffable tenderness. Then he waited. After a long time it came back
+from the German dead-letter office. There was no person of the name at
+the address. She had left Bonn, then. Hastily setting his affairs in
+order, he sailed for Germany on the next steamer.
+
+The incidents of the voyage were a blank in his mind. On reaching Bonn,
+he went straight from the station to the old house in ------strasse.
+As he turned into it from the scarcely less familiar streets leading
+thither, and noted each accustomed landmark, he seemed to have just
+returned to tea from an afternoon lecture at the university. In every
+feature of the street some memory lurked, and, as he passed, threw
+out delaying tendrils, clutching at his heart. Rudely he broke away,
+hastening on to that house near the end of the street, in each of whose
+quaint windows fancy framed the longed-for face. She was not there,
+he knew, but for a while he stood on the other side of the street,
+unmindful of the stares and jostling of the passers-by, gazing at the
+house-front, and letting himself imagine from moment to moment that her
+figure might flit across some window, or issue from the door, basket
+in hand, for the evening marketing, on which journey he had so often
+accompanied her. At length, crossing the street, he inquired for the
+Werner family. The present tenants had never heard the name. Perhaps the
+tenants from whom they had received the house might be better informed.
+Where were they? They had moved to Cologne. He next went to the Bonn
+police-office, and from the records kept there, in which pretty much
+everything about every citizen is set down, ascertained that several
+years previous Herr Werner had died of apoplexy, and that no one of the
+name was now resident in the city. Next day he went to Cologne, hunted
+up the former tenants of the house, and found that they remembered
+quite distinctly the Werner family, and the death of the father and
+only breadwinner. It had left the mother and daughter quite without
+resources, as Randall had known must probably have been the case. His
+informants had heard that they had gone to Dusseldorf.
+
+His search had become a fever. After waiting seven years, a delay of
+ten minutes was unendurable. The trains seemed to creep. And yet, on
+reaching Diisseldorf, he did not at once go about his search, but said
+to himself:--
+
+"Let me not risk the killing of my last hope till I have warmed myself
+with it one more night, for to-morrow there may be no more warmth in it."
+
+He went to a hotel, ordered a room and a bottle of wine, and sat over it
+all night, indulging the belief that he would find her the next day. He
+denied his imagination nothing, but conjured up before his mind's eye
+the lovely vision of her fairest hour, complete even to the turn of
+the neck, the ribbon in the hair, and the light in the blue eyes. So he
+would turn into the street. Yes, here was the number. Then he rings the
+bell. She comes to the door. She regards him a moment indifferently.
+Then amazed recognition, love, happiness, transfigure her face. "Ida!"
+"Karl!" and he clasps her sobbing to his bosom, from which she shall
+never be sundered again.
+
+The result of his search next day was the discovery that mother and
+daughter had been at Diisseldorf until about four years previous,
+where the mother had died of consumption, and the daughter had removed,
+leaving no address. The lodgings occupied by them were of a wretched
+character, showing that their circumstances must have been very much
+reduced.
+
+There was now no further clue to guide his search. It was destined that
+the last he was to know of her should be that she was thrown on the
+tender mercies of the world,--her last friend gone, her last penny
+expended. She was buried out of his sight, not in the peaceful grave,
+with its tender associations, but buried alive in the living world;
+hopelessly hid in the huge, writhing confusion of humanity. He lingered
+in the folly of despair about those sordid lodgings in Diisseldorf, as
+one might circle vainly about the spot in the ocean where some pearl of
+great price had fallen overboard.
+
+After a while he roused again, and began putting advertisements for Ida
+into the principal newspapers of Germany, and making random visits to
+towns all about to consult directories and police records. A singular
+sort of misanthropy possessed him. He cursed the multitude of towns and
+villages that reduced the chances in his favor to so small a thing. He
+cursed the teeming throngs of men, women, and children, in whose mass
+she was lost, as a jewel in a mountain of rubbish. Had he possessed the
+power, he would in those days, without an instant's hesitation, have
+swept the bewildering, obstructing millions of Germany out of existence,
+as the miner washes away the earth to bring to light the grain of gold
+in his pan. He must have scanned a million women's faces in that weary
+search, and the bitterness of that million-fold disappointment left its
+trace in a feeling of aversion for the feminine countenance and figure
+that he was long in overcoming.
+
+Knowing that only by some desperate chance he could hope to meet her in
+his random wanderings, it seemed to him that he was more likely to be
+successful by resigning as far as possible all volition, and leaving
+the guidance of the search to chance; as if Fortune were best disposed
+toward those who most entirely abdicated intelligence and trusted
+themselves to her. He sacredly followed every impulse, never making up
+his mind an hour before at what station he should leave the cars, and
+turning to the right or left in his wanderings through the streets of
+cities, as much as possible without intellectual choice. Sometimes,
+waking suddenly in the middle of the night, he would rise, dress with
+eager haste, and sally out to wander through the dark streets, thinking
+he might be led of Providence to meet her. And, once out, nothing but
+utter exhaustion could drive him back; for how could he tell but in
+the moment after he had gone, she might pass? He had recourse to every
+superstition of sortilege, clairvoyance, presentiment, and dreams.
+And all the time his desperation was singularly akin to hope. He dared
+revile no seeming failure, not knowing but just that was the necessary
+link in the chain of accidents destined to bring him face to face with
+her. The darkest hour might usher in the sunburst. The possibility that
+this was at last the blessed chance lit up his eyes ten thousand times
+as they fell on some new face.
+
+But at last he found himself back in Bonn, with the feverish infatuation
+of the gambler, which had succeeded hope in his mind, succeeded in turn
+by utter despair! His sole occupation now was revisiting the spots which
+he had frequented with her in that happy year. As one who has lost a
+princely fortune sits down at length to enumerate the little items of
+property that happen to be attached to his person, disregarded before
+but now his all, so Randall counted up like a miser the little store of
+memories that were thenceforth to be his all. Wonderfully, the smallest
+details of those days came back to him. The very seats they sat in at
+public places, the shops they entered together, their promenades and the
+pausing-places on them, revived in memory under a concentrated inward
+gaze like invisible paintings brought over heat.
+
+One afternoon, after wandering about the city for some hours, he turned
+into a park to rest. As he approached his usual bench, sacred to him
+because Ida and he in the old days had often sat there, he was annoyed
+to see it already occupied by a pleasant-faced, matronly looking German
+woman, who was complacently listening to the chatter of a couple of
+small children. Randall threw himself upon the unoccupied end of the
+bench, rather hoping that his gloomy and preoccupied air might cause
+them to depart and leave him to his melancholy reverie. And, indeed, it
+was not long before the children stopped their play and gathered timidly
+about their mother, and soon after the bench tilted slightly as she
+relieved it of her substantial charms, saying in a cheery, pleasant
+voice:--
+
+"Come, little ones, the father will be at home before us."
+
+It was a secluded part of the garden, and the plentiful color left her
+cheeks as the odd gentleman at the other end of the bench turned with
+a great start at the sound of her voice, and transfixed her with a
+questioning look. But in a moment he said:--
+
+"Pardon me, madame, a thousand times. The sound of your voice so
+reminded me of a friend I have lost that I looked up involuntarily."
+
+The woman responded with good-natured assurances that he had not at all
+alarmed her. Meanwhile Randall had an opportunity to notice that, in
+spite of the thick-waisted and generally matronly figure, there were,
+now he came to look closely, several rather marked resemblances to Ida.
+The eyes were of the same blue tint, though about half as large, the
+cheeks being twice as full. In spite of the ugly style of dressing it,
+he saw also that the hair was like Ida's; and as for the nose, that
+feature which changes least, it might have been taken out of Ida's own
+face. As may be supposed, he was thoroughly disgusted to be reminded of
+that sweet girlish vision by this broadly moulded, comfortable-looking
+matron. His romantic mood was scattered for that evening at least, and
+he knew he should not get the prosaic suggestions of the unfortunate
+resemblance out of his mind for a week at least. It would torment him as
+a humorous association spoils a sacred hymn.
+
+He bowed with rather an ill grace, and was about to retire, when a
+certain peculiar turn of the neck, as the lady acknowledged his salute,
+caught his eye and turned him to stone. Good God! this woman was Ida!
+
+He stood there in a condition of mental paralysis. The whole fabric of
+his thinking and feeling for months of intense emotional experience had
+instantly been annihilated, and he was left in the midst of a great void
+in his consciousness out of touching-reach of anything. There was no
+sharp pang, but just a bewildered numbness. A few filaments only of
+the romantic feeling for Ida that filled his mind a moment before
+still lingered, floating about it, unattached to anything, like vague
+neuralgic feelings in an amputated stump, as if to remind him of what
+had been there.
+
+All this was as instantaneous as a galvanic shock the moment he had
+recognized--let us not say Ida, but this evidence that she was no
+more. It occurred to him that the woman, who stood staring, was in
+common politeness entitled to some explanation. He was in just that
+state of mind when, the only serious interest having suddenly dropped
+out of the life, the minor conventionalities loom up as peculiarly
+important and obligatory.
+
+"You were Fraiilein Ida Werner, and lived at No.-- ------strasse in
+1866, _nicht wahr?_"
+
+He spoke in a cold, dead tone, as if making a necessary but distasteful
+explanation to a stranger.
+
+"Yes, truly," replied the woman curiously; "but my name is now Frau
+Stein," glancing at the children, who had been staring open-mouthed at
+the queer man.
+
+"Do you remember Karl Randall? I am he."
+
+The most formal of old acquaintances could hardly have recalled himself
+in a more indifferent manner.
+
+"_Herr Gott im Himmel!_" exclaimed the woman, with the liveliest
+surprise and interest "Karl! Is it possible? Yes, now I recognize you.
+Surely! surely!"
+
+She clapped one hand to her bosom, and dropped on the bench to recover
+herself. Fleshy people, overcome by agitation, are rather disagreeable
+objects. Randall stood looking at her with a singular expression of
+aversion on his listless face. But, after panting a few times, the woman
+recovered her vivacity and began to ply him vigorously with exclamations
+and questions, beaming the while with delighted interest. He answered
+her like a schoolboy, too destitute of presence of mind to do otherwise
+than to yield passively to her impulse. But he made no inquiries
+whatever of her, and did not distantly allude to the reason of his
+presence in Germany. As he stood there looking at her, the real facts
+about that matter struck him as so absurd and incredible that he could
+not believe them himself.
+
+Pretty soon he observed that she was becoming a little conscious in her
+air, and giving a slightly sentimental turn to the conversation. It was
+not for some time that he saw her drift, so utterly without connection
+in his mind were Ida and this comfortable matron before him; and when he
+did, a smile at the exquisite absurdity of the thing barely twitched the
+corners of his mouth, and ended in a sad, puzzled stare that rather put
+the other out of countenance.
+
+But the children had now for some time been whimpering for supper and
+home, and at length Frau Stein rose, and, with an urgent request that
+Randall should call on her and see her husband, bade him a cordial
+adieu. He stood there watching her out of sight, with an unconscious
+smile of the most refined and subtle cynicism. Then he sat down and
+stared vacantly at the close-cropped grass on the opposite side of the
+path. By what handle should he lay hold of his thoughts?
+
+That woman could not retroact and touch the memory of Ida. That dear
+vision remained intact. He drew forth his locket, and opening it gazed
+passionately at the fair girlish face, now so hopelessly passed away. By
+that blessed picture he could hold her and defy the woman. Remembering
+that fat, jolly, comfortable matron, he should not at least ever again
+have to reproach himself with his cruel treatment of Ida. And yet why
+not? What had the woman to do with her? She had suffered as much as if
+the woman had not forgotten it all. His reckoning was with Ida,--was
+with her. Where should he find her? In what limbo could he imagine her?
+Ah, that was the wildering cruelty of it. She was not this woman, nor
+was she dead in any conceivable natural way so that her girlish spirit
+might have remained eternally fixed. She was nothing. She was nowhere.
+She existed only in this locket, and her only soul was in his heart, far
+more surely than in this woman who had forgotten her.
+
+Death was a hopeful, cheerful state compared to that nameless
+nothingness that was her portion. For had she been dead, he could still
+have loved her soul; but now she had none. The soul that once she had,
+and, if she had then died, might have kept, had been forfeited by living
+on, and had passed to this woman, and would from her pass on further
+till finally fixed and vested in the decrepitude of age by death. So,
+then, it was death and not life that secured the soul, and his sweet
+Ida had none because she had not died in time. Ah! had not he heard
+somewhere that the soul is immortal and never dies? Where, then, was
+Ida's? She had disappeared utterly out of the universe. She had been
+transformed, destroyed, swallowed up in this woman, a living sepulchre,
+more cruel than the grave, for it devoured the soul as well as the
+body. Pah! this prating about immortality was absurd, convicted of
+meaninglessness before a tragedy like this; for what was an immortality
+worth that was given to her last decrepit phase of life, after all its
+beauty and strength and loveliness had passed soulless away? To be aught
+but a mockery, immortality must be as manifold as the manifold phases of
+life. Since life devours so many souls, why suppose death will spare the
+last one?
+
+But he would contend with destiny. Painters should multiply the face in
+his locket. He would immortalize her in a poem. He would constantly keep
+the lamp trimmed and burning before her shrine in his heart. She should
+live in spite of the woman.
+
+But he could now never make amends to her for the suffering his cruel,
+neglectful youth had caused her. He had scarcely realized before how
+much the longing to make good that wrong had influenced bis quest of
+her. Tears of remorse for an unatonable crime gathered in his eyes. He
+might, indeed, enrich this woman, or educate her children, or pension
+her husband; but that would be no atonement to Ida.
+
+And then, as if to intensify that remorse by showing still more clearly
+the impossibility of atonement, it flashed on him that he who loved Ida
+was not the one to atone for an offense of which he would be incapable,
+which had been committed by one who despised her love. Justice was a
+meaningless word, and amends were never possible, nor can men ever make
+atonement; for, ere the debt is paid, the atonement made, one who is not
+the sufferer stands to receive it; while, on the other hand, the one who
+atones is not the offender, but one who comes after him, loathing his
+offense and himself incapable of it. The dead must bury their dead. And,
+thus pondering from personal to general thoughts, the turmoil of his
+feelings gradually calmed, and a restful melancholy, vague and tender,
+filled the aching void in his heart.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Lost, by Edward Bellamy
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