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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Biglow Papers + +Author: James Russell Lowell + +Editor: Thomas Hughes + +Release Date: September 20, 2007 [EBook #22680] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BIGLOW PAPERS *** + + + + +Produced by Susan Skinner, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + + + +<h1><small><small>THE</small></small><br /><br /> +<big>BIGLOW PAPERS.</big></h1> + + +<p class="head1"><small>BY</small></p> +<h2>JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL.</h2> + + +<p class="head1"><big>Newly Edited,</big><br /><br /> +WITH A PREFACE<br /><br /> +<small>BY THE</small><br /><br /> +<big>AUTHOR OF "<i>TOM BROWN'S SCHOOL-DAYS</i>."</big></p> + + +<p class="head1"><small>THIRD ENGLISH EDITION.</small></p> + + +<p class="head2">Reprinted, with the Author's Sanction, from the<br /> +Last American Edition.</p> + + +<p class="head3">LONDON:<br /> +TRÜBNER & CO. 60, PATERNOSTER ROW.<br /> +1861.</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class="trans1"><p class="trnhd">Transcriber's Note</p> + +<p>Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note. Dialect spellings, contractions and discrepancies have been retained.</p> + +<p>All Greek words have mouse-hover transliterations, <span title="daimoniôs">δαιμονίως</span>, and appear as originally printed.</p> + +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_v" id="Page_v">[Pg v]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="PUBLISHERS_PREFACE" id="PUBLISHERS_PREFACE"></a>PUBLISHERS' PREFACE.</h2> + + +<p>In order to avoid any misconception, the Publishers +think it advisable to announce that the present +Edition of the "Biglow Papers" is issued with the +express sanction of the Author, granted by letter, +from which the following is an extract:—</p> + +<div class="blockquot"> +<p class="date1">"<span class="smcap">Cambridge, Massachusetts</span>,<br /> +<i>14th September, 1859</i>.</p> + +<p>"I think it would be well for you to announce that you are +to publish an Authorized Edition of the '<span class="smcap">Biglow Papers</span>;' +for I have just received a letter from Mr. ——, who tells me +that a Mr. —— was thinking of an edition, and wished him +to edit it. Any such undertaking will be entirely against my +will, and I take it for granted that Mr. —— only formed the +plan in ignorance of your intention.</p> + +<p class="sign1">"With many thanks, very truly yours,<br /> +"<span class="smcap">J. R. Lowell</span>."</p></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vii" id="Page_vii">[Pg vii]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="ENGLISH_EDITORS_PREFACE" id="ENGLISH_EDITORS_PREFACE"></a>ENGLISH EDITOR'S PREFACE.</h2> + + +<p>I can safely say that few things in my life have +pleased me more than the request of Messrs. Trübner, +backed by the expressed wish of the author, that I +would see the first English edition of the "Biglow +Papers" through the press. I fell in with the Papers +about ten years ago, soon after their publication; and +the impression they then made on me has been deepening +and becoming more lively ever since. In fact, I +do not think that, even in his own New England, Mr. +Lowell can have a more constant or more grateful +reader, though I cannot say that I go much beyond +most of my own intimate friends over here in my love +for his works. I may remark, in passing, that the +impossibility of keeping a copy of the "Biglow Papers"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_viii" id="Page_viii">[Pg viii]</a></span> +for more than a few weeks (of which many of us have +had repeated and sorrowful proof<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a>) shows how much +an English Edition is needed.</p> + +<p>Perhaps, strictly speaking, I should say a reprint, +and not an edition. In fact, I am not clear (in spite +of the wishes of author and publishers) that I have +any right to call myself editor, for the book is as +thoroughly edited already as a book need be. What +between dear old Parson Wilbur—with his little +vanities and pedantries, his "infinite faculty of +sermonizing," his simplicity and humour, and his deep +and righteous views of life, and power of hard hitting +when he has anything to say which needs driving +home—and Father Ezekiel, "the brown parchment-hided +old man of the geoponic or bucolic species," +"76 year old cum next tater diggin, and thair aint +nowheres a kitting" (we readily believe) "spryer 'n +he be;" and that judicious and lazy sub-editor, "Columbus<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_ix" id="Page_ix">[Pg ix]</a></span> +Nye, pastor of a church in Bungtown Corner," +whose acquaintance we make so thoroughly in the ten +lines which he contributes—whatever of setting or +framing was needed, or indeed possible, for the nine +gems in verse of Mr. Hosea Biglow, has been so well +done already in America by the hand best fitted for +the task, that he must be a bold man who would +meddle with the book now in the editing way. Even +the humble satisfaction of adding a glossary and index +has been denied to me, as there are already very good +ones. I have merely added some half-dozen words to +the glossary, at which I thought that English readers +might perhaps stumble. When the proposal was first +made to me, indeed, I thought of trying my hand at a +sketch of American politics of thirteen years ago, the +date of the Mexican war and of the first appearance of +the "Biglow Papers." But I soon found out, first, +that I was not, and had no ready means of making +myself, competent for such a task; secondly, that the +book did not need it. The very slight knowledge which +every educated Englishman has of Transatlantic politics +will be quite enough to make him enjoy the racy<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_x" id="Page_x">[Pg x]</a></span> +smack of the American soil, which is one of their +great charms; and, as to the particular characters, +they are most truly citizens of the world as well as +Americans. If an Englishman cannot find 'Bird-o'-freedom +Sawins,' 'John P. Robinson's,' 'pious editors,' and +candidates "facin' south-by-north" at home—ay, and +if he is not conscious of his own individual propensity +to the meannesses and duplicities of such, which come +under the lash of Hosea—he knows little of the land +we live in, or of his own heart, and is not worthy to +read the "Biglow Papers."</p> + +<p>Instead, therefore, of any attempt of my own, I will +give Mr. Lowell's own account of how and why he +came to write this book. "All I can say is," he writes, +"the book was <i>thar</i>. How it came is more than I can +tell. I cannot, like the great Göthe, deliberately +imagine what would have been a proper 'Entstehungsweise' +for my book, and then assume it as +fact. I only know that I believed our war with +Mexico (though we had as just ground for it as a +strong nation ever had against a weak one) to be +essentially a war of false pretences, and that it would<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xi" id="Page_xi">[Pg xi]</a></span> +result in widening the boundaries, and so prolonging +the life of slavery. Believing that it is the manifest +destiny of the English race to occupy this whole continent, +and to display there that practical understanding +in matters of government and colonization +which no other race has given such proofs of possessing +since the Romans, I hated to see a noble hope +evaporated into a lying phrase to sweeten the foul +breath of demagogues. Leaving the sin of it to God, +I believed, and still believe, that slavery is the +Achilles-heel of our own polity, that it is a temporary +and false supremacy of the white races, sure to +destroy that supremacy at last, because an enslaved +people always prove themselves of more enduring +fibre than their enslavers, as not suffering from the +social vices sure to be engendered by oppression in +the governing class. Against these and many other +things I thought all honest men should protest. I +was born and bred in the country, and the dialect +was homely to me. I tried my first Biglow paper in +a newspaper, and found that it had a great run. So +I wrote the others from time to time during the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xii" id="Page_xii">[Pg xii]</a></span> +year which followed, always very rapidly, and sometimes +(as with 'What Mr. Robinson thinks') at one +sitting. When I came to collect them and publish +them in a volume, I conceived my parson-editor, with +his pedantry and verbosity, his amiable vanity and +superiority to the verses he was editing, as a fitting +artistic background and foil. He gave me the +chance, too, of glancing obliquely at many things +which were beyond the horizon of my other characters."</p> + +<p>There are two American books, elder brethren of +"The Biglow Papers," which it would be unjust in +an Englishman not to mention while introducing +their big younger brother to his own countrymen,—I +mean, of course, "Major Downing's Letters," and +"Sam Slick;" both of which are full of rare humour, +and treat of the most exciting political questions of +their day in a method and from points of view of +which we are often reminded while reading the +"Biglow Papers." In fact, Mr. Lowell borrows his +name from the Major's Letters;—"Zekel Bigelow, +Broker and Banker of Wall Street, New York," is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xiii" id="Page_xiii">[Pg xiii]</a></span> +the friend who corrects the spelling, and certifies to +the genuineness, of the honest Major's effusions,<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a> and +is one of the raciest characters in the book. No one, +I am sure, would be so ready as Mr. Lowell to acknowledge +whatever obligations he may have to other +men, and no one can do it more safely. For though +he may owe a name or an idea to others, he seems +to me to stand quite alone amongst Americans, and +to be the only one who is beyond question entitled +to take his place in the first rank, by the side of +the great political satirists of ancient and modern +Europe.</p> + +<p>Greece had her Aristophanes; Rome her Juvenal; +Spain has had her Cervantes; France her Rabelais, her +Molière, her Voltaire; Germany her Jean Paul, her +Heine; England her Swift, her Thackeray; and America +has her Lowell. By the side of all those great masters +of satire, though kept somewhat in the rear by provincialism +of style and subject, the author of the +"Biglow Papers" holds his own place distinct from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xiv" id="Page_xiv">[Pg xiv]</a></span> +each and all. The man who reads the book for the +first time, and is capable of understanding it, has +received a new sensation. In Lowell the American +mind has for the first time flowered out into thoroughly +original genius.</p> + +<p>There is an airy grace about the best pieces of +Washington Irving, which has no parallel amongst +English writers, however closely modelled may be his +style upon that of the Addisonian age. There is +much original power, which will perhaps be better +appreciated at a future day, about Fenimore Cooper's +delineations of the physical and spiritual border-land, +between white and red, between civilization and +savagery. There is dramatic power of a high order +about Mr. Hawthorne, though mixed with a certain +morbidness and bad taste, which debar him from ever +attaining to the first rank. There is an originality of +position about Mr. Emerson, in his resolute setting +up of King Self against King Mob, which, coupled +with a singular metallic glitter of style, and plenty +of shrewd New England mother-wit, have made up +together one of the best counterfeits of genius that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xv" id="Page_xv">[Pg xv]</a></span> +has been seen for many a day; so good, indeed, +that most men are taken by it for the first quarter +of an hour at the least. But for real unmistakable +genius,—for that glorious fulness of power which +knocks a man down at a blow for sheer admiration, +and then makes him rush into the arms of the +knocker-down, and swear eternal friendship with him +for sheer delight; the "Biglow Papers" stand alone.</p> + +<p>If I sought to describe their characteristics, I should +say, the most exuberant and extravagant humour, +coupled with strong, noble, Christian purpose,—a +thorough scorn for all that is false and base, all the +more withering because of the thorough geniality of +the writer. Perhaps Jean Paul is of all the satirists +I have named the one who at bottom presents most +affinity with Lowell, but the differences are marked. +The intellectual sphere of the German is vaster, but +though with certain aims before him, he rather floats +and tumbles about like a porpoise at play than follows +any direct perceptible course. With Lowell, on the +contrary, every word tells, every laugh is a blow; as +if the god Momus had turned out as Mars, and were<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xvi" id="Page_xvi">[Pg xvi]</a></span> +hard at work fighting every inch of him, grinning his +broadest all the while.</p> + +<p>Will some English readers be shocked by this combination +of broad and keen humour with high Christian +purpose—the association of humour and Christianity? +I hope not. At any rate, I would remind any such +of Luther, and of our own Latimer and Rowland Hill; +are they prepared to condemn them and many more +like them? Nay (though it is a question which can +only be hinted at here), does not the Bible itself sanction +the combination by its own example? Is there +not humour mixed with the tremendous sarcasm of +the old prophets—dread humour no doubt, but humour +unmistakably—wherever they speak of the helplessness +of idols, as in the forty-fourth and forty-sixth chapters +of Isaiah, and in Elijah's mockery of the priests of +Baal:—"Cry aloud, for he is a God; either he is +talking, or he is pursuing, or he is on a journey, or +peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awakened." Is +not the book of Proverbs full of grave, dry, pungent +humour? Consider only the following passage out of +many of the same spirit: "As the door turneth upon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xvii" id="Page_xvii">[Pg xvii]</a></span> +his hinges, so doth the slothful upon his bed. The +slothful hideth his hand in his bosom, it grieveth +him to bring it again to his mouth. The sluggard +is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can +render a reason. He that passeth by and meddleth +with strife belonging not to him, is like one that +taketh a dog by the ears."—Prov. xxvi. 14-17.</p> + +<p>Or if it be objected that these things belong to an +earlier covenant, that laughter and jesting are "not +convenient" under the Gospel of Him who came not +to destroy the law but to fulfil it, there is, perhaps, an +answer to this also.</p> + +<p>For a specimen of subdued humour in narrative, +adhering in the most literal manner to facts, and yet +contriving to bring them out by that graphic literalness +under their most ludicrous aspect, what can +equal St. Luke's description of the riot at Ephesus? +The picture of the narrow trade selfishness of Demetrius—of +polytheism reduced into a matter of business—of +the inanity of a mob tumult in an enslaved +country—of the mixed coaxing and bullying of its +officials, was surely never brought out with a more<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xviii" id="Page_xviii">[Pg xviii]</a></span> +latter vice, indeed, includes both the others, or rather +uses them as its instruments. Thus, the "pious +Editor" proclaims, as his creed,—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe in Freedom's cause<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Ez fur away ez Paris is;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I love to see her stick her claws<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In them infarnal Pharisees;<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">It's wal enough agin a king<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To dror resolves and triggers,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But libbaty's a kind o' thing<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Thet don't agree with niggers.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>No doubt they go further than this. I am quite +aware that Mr. Lowell will be claimed as a champion +by the peace party in this country; and certainly no +keener things have been said against war in general +than are to be found in this book.</p> + +<p>With our own peace-at-any-price party, no one has +less sympathy than I; and this leads me to urge on +all English readers to bear in mind, that the "Biglow +Papers" were written for a New England audience, by +a New Englander, and must be judged from a New +England point of view. The citizen of a huge young +mammoth country, divided by a whole ocean from the +nearest enemy that it could fear, assailable only on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xix" id="Page_xix">[Pg xix]</a></span> +vivid sense of the absurdity of the whole. "And +Gallio cared for none of these things," is another +touch of quiet humour, which at once brings out +the ludicrous aspect of the punishment of the Jewish +agitators by means of the very tumults which they +raised.</p> + +<p>I take it, therefore, that the exhibition of humour, +in the pursuit, and as an aid for the attainment of a +noble Christian purpose, is a means of action not only +sanctioned by the very constitution of our natures (in +which God has implanted so deeply the sense of the +ludicrous, surely not that we might root it out) but, +by the very example of Holy Writ. The humour exhibited +may be different in degree and in quality; the +skies of Syria are not those of Germany, or of Spain, +of England, whether old or new. But the gift in +itself is a pure and precious one, if lawfully and rightfully +used.</p> + +<p>Military braggadocio, political and literary humbug, +and slave-holding, are the three great butts at which +Hosea Biglow and Parson Wilbur shoot, at point-blank +range, and with shafts drawn well to the ear. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xx" id="Page_xx">[Pg xx]</a></span> +fringe of its seaboard (itself consisting chiefly of unapproachable +swamp or barren sand wastes), surrounded +by weak neighbours or thin wandering hordes, only too +easy to bully, to subdue, to eat up; from which bands +of pirates, under the name of liberators, swarm forth +year after year, almost unchecked, to neighbouring +lands, and to which if defeated they only return to be +caressed and applauded by their congeners; where +the getting up of war-fevers forms part of the stock in +trade of too many of the leading politicians; where in +particular the grasping at new territories for slave +labour, by means however foul, has become the special +and avowed policy of the slavery party; the citizen of +such a country has a right to tell his countrymen +that—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">'T'aint your eppyletts an' feathers<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Make the thing a grain more right;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'T'aint afollerin' your bell-wethers<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Will excuse ye in His sight;<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">'Ef you take a sword an' dror it,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' go stick a feller thru,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'Guv'ment aint to answer for it,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">God 'll send the bill to you.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>And the bravest officer in Her Majesty's service will +laugh as heartily as you will, I take it, my dear reader,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxi" id="Page_xxi">[Pg xxi]</a></span> +if you have never heard it before, over a picture and a +contrast such as the following:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Parson Wilbur sez, <i>he</i> never heerd in his life<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Thet th' Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' marched round in front of a drum and a fife<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To git, some on 'em office, an some on em votes,<br /></span> +<span class="i8">But John P<br /></span> +<span class="i8">Robinson he<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Sez they didnt know everythin' down in Juddee.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>But England is a small and wealthy country, whose +best defence against a neighbour, always likely to become +a foe, consists in a mere ocean canal; where the +question, I will not say of war, but of readiness for war, +is one of life or death—in which the temptation, always +so strong, to subordinate national honour to what is +supposed to be policy, is in our day for most statesmen +almost irresistible, because political influence is so +evenly balanced, that a peace party of perhaps twenty +votes has often the destinies of a ministry in its hands. +Had Mr. Lowell been an Englishman, no one who +knows his writings can believe for a moment that he +would have swelled the cry or strengthened the hands +of the vain and mischievous clique, who amongst us<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxii" id="Page_xxii">[Pg xxii]</a></span> +have of late years raised the cry of peace when there is +no peace.</p> + +<p>The same caution will apply to our marked peculiarity +of style in the book, which may offend at first +many persons otherwise most capable of entering into +its spirit. I mean the constant, and so to speak, pervading +use of Scripture language and incidents, not +only side by side with the most grotesque effusions of +humour, but as one main element of the ludicrous +effects produced. This undoubtedly would be as really +offensive as it would be untrue, from any other point +of view perhaps than that of a New Englander bred in +the country. The rural population of New England is +still, happily for itself, tinctured in all its language, +habits, modes of feeling and thought, by a strict Scriptural +training—"Out of the fulness of the heart the +mouth speaketh." Look below the surface and you +will see that there is no irreverence whatever beneath +Hosea Biglow's daring use of Scripture; only that "perfect +love which casteth out fear;" that the very purpose +of the whole book is to set up Christ's Gospel as <i>the</i> +standard by which alone all men are to be judged in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxiii" id="Page_xxiii">[Pg xxiii]</a></span> +all their acts. We may disagree from him in the conclusions +which he draws from Scripture; of his earnest +sincerity in enforcing those conclusions we cannot +doubt.</p> + +<p>It is satisfactory, indeed, to think that Mr. Lowell's +shafts have already, in a great measure, ceased to be +required, or would have to be aimed now at other +bull's eyes. The servility of the Northern States to the +South, which twelve years ago so raised his indignation, +has well nigh ceased to be. The vital importance of +the slavery question is now thoroughly recognized by +the great republican party, which I trust is year by +year advancing towards an assured victory.</p> + +<p>For that victory Mr. Lowell has done knight's-service +by his other works, as well as by the +"Biglow Papers." I need not do more than refer +to these, however, as they have been published in +a cheap form over here, and I believe have circulated +largely. In his other poems he is by no means so +equal as in the "Biglow Papers;" but I cannot +help thinking that (leaving out of sight altogether +his satirical works) fifty years hence he will be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxiv" id="Page_xxiv">[Pg xxiv]</a></span> +recognized as the greatest American poet of our day, +notwithstanding the contemporary judgment which +has in England, and I believe in America, assigned +that proud place to his friend and predecessor at +Harvard College, H. W. Longfellow. To any reader +who has not met with Lowell's Poems, and who +may be induced to read them after a perusal of +the present volume, I should recommend "The +Vision of Sir Launfal," "A Parable," "Stanzas on +Freedom," "The Present Crisis," and "Hunger and +Cold," as specially fit to be read in connexion with +the "Biglow Papers." It is only by looking at all +sides of a man of this mould that you can get a +notion of his size and power. Readers, therefore, +should search out for themselves the exquisite little +gems of a lighter kind, which lie about in the other +poems comprised in the volume. I am only indicating +those which, as it seems to me, when taken +with the "Biglow Papers," give the best idea of +the man, and what his purpose in life has been, +and is.</p> + +<p>I will not think so badly of my countrymen as to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxv" id="Page_xxv">[Pg xxv]</a></span> +suppose for a moment that "The Biglow Papers" will +not become the intimate friends of all good fellows in +England; and when we have really made friends with +a book, we like to know something about our friend's +father; so I shall add the little I know of the history +of James Russell Lowell.</p> + +<p>He was born in 1819, at Cambridge, Massachusetts, +so that he is some years younger than our own laureate, +and we may hope to get out of him many another +noble work, though we shall get no more "Biglow +Papers"—at least I fear not; for the sort of inspiration +which finds voice in this way comes, I take it, only +once in a man's life. And moreover, this is his own +conviction. In a letter which I received from him as +to the present publication, he writes: "Friendly people +say to me sometimes, 'Write us more "Biglow Papers;"' +and I have even been simple enough to try, only to +find that I could not. This has helped to persuade me +that the book was a genuine growth, and not a manufacture, +and that therefore I had an honest right to be +pleased without blushing, if people liked it." He was +educated at Harvard College, Cambridge; and, in fact,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxvi" id="Page_xxvi">[Pg xxvi]</a></span> +has never lived away from his native place. He read +law, but never practised; and in 1855 was chosen to +succeed Longfellow as Professor of Modern Literature +in Harvard College. He has visited Europe twice; +and I am sure that every one who knows his works +must join with me in the hearty wish that he may +come among us again as soon as possible.</p> + + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Should this meet the eye of any persons who may have forgotten to +return American copies of the "Biglow Papers" to their respective owners, +they are requested to forward them to the publishers. The strictest +secrecy will be preserved, and an acknowledgment given in <i>The Times</i> if +required.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> See the English Edition of "Letters of Major Downing," published +by John Murray in 1835, pp. 22, 23; and Letters x. xi. xii. and xv.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxvii" id="Page_xxvii">[Pg xxvii]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS.</h2> + + +<div class='center'> + +<table class="tabc" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td class="ct2">PUBLISHER'S PREFACE</td><td class="ct3">PAGE<br /><a href="#Page_v">v</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="ct2">EDITOR'S PREFACE</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_vii">vii</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="ct2">NOTICES OF AN INDEPENDENT PRESS</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_xxix">xxix</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. I.</td></tr> +<tr><td class="ct2">A LETTER FROM MR. EZEKIEL BIGLOW OF JAALAM TO THE +HON. JOSEPH T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON +COURIER, INCLOSING A POEM OF HIS SON, MR. HOSEA +BIGLOW</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. II.</td></tr> +<tr><td class="ct2">A LETTER FROM MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE HON. +J. T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, +COVERING A LETTER FROM MR. B. SAWIN, PRIVATE IN +THE MASSACHUSETTS REGIMENT</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_11">11</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. III.</td></tr> +<tr><td class="ct2">WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_27">27</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. IV.</td></tr> +<tr><td class="ct2">REMARKS OF INCREASE D. O'PHACE, ESQUIRE, AT AN +EX-TRUMPERY CAUCUS IN STATE STREET, REPORTED BY +MR. H. BIGLOW</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_40">40</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. V.</td></tr> +<tr><td class="ct2">THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT. SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_55">55</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. VI.</td></tr> +<tr><td class="ct2">THE PIOUS EDITOR'S CREED</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_64">64</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. VII.</td></tr> +<tr><td class="ct2">A LETTER FROM A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN +ANSWER TO SUTTIN QUESTIONS PROPOSED BY MR. HOSEA +BIGLOW, INCLOSED IN A NOTE FROM MR. BIGLOW TO S. +H. GAY, ESQ., EDITOR OF THE NATIONAL ANTISLAVERY +STANDARD</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_74">74</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. VIII.</td></tr> +<tr><td class="ct2">A SECOND LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_86">86</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. IX.</td></tr> +<tr><td class="ct2">A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_106">106</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="ct2">GLOSSARY</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_127">127</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="ct2">INDEX</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_131">131</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxix" id="Page_xxix">[Pg xxix]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="NOTICES_OF_AN_INDEPENDENT_PRESS" id="NOTICES_OF_AN_INDEPENDENT_PRESS"></a>NOTICES OF AN INDEPENDENT PRESS.</h2> + + +<div class="hw"><p>[I have observed, reader, (bene- or male-volent, as it may +happen,) that it is customary to append to the second editions +of books, and to the second works of authors, short sentences +commendatory of the first, under the title of <i>Notices of the +Press</i>. These, I have been given to understand, are procurable +at certain established rates, payment being made either in +money or advertising patronage by the publisher, or by an +adequate outlay of servility on the part of the author. Considering +these things with myself, and also that such notices +are neither intended, nor generally believed, to convey any real +opinions, being a purely ceremonial accompaniment of literature, +and resembling certificates to the virtues of various morbiferal +panaceas, I conceived that it would be not only more +economical to prepare a sufficient number of such myself, but +also more immediately subservient to the end in view, to prefix +them to this our primary edition, rather than await the contingency +of a second, when they would seem to be of small +utility. To delay attaching the <i>bobs</i> until the second attempt +at flying the kite would indicate but a slender experience in +that useful art. Neither has it escaped my notice, nor failed +to afford me matter of reflection, that, when a circus or a caravan +is about to visit Jaalam, the initial step is to send forward +large and highly ornamented bills of performance to be hung in +the bar-room and the post-office. These having been sufficiently<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxx" id="Page_xxx">[Pg xxx]</a></span> +gazed at, and beginning to lose their attractiveness +except for the flies, and, truly, the boys also, (in whom I find +it impossible to repress, even during school-hours, certain oral +and telegraphic correspondences concerning the expected show,) +upon some fine morning the band enters in a gaily-painted +waggon, or triumphal chariot, and with noisy advertisement, +by means of brass, wood, and sheepskin, makes the circuit of +our startled village-streets. Then, as the exciting sounds draw +nearer and nearer, do I desiderate those eyes of Aristarchus, +"whose looks were as a breeching to a boy." Then do I +perceive, with vain regret of wasted opportunities, the advantage +of a pancratic or pantechnic education, since he is most +reverenced by my little subjects who can throw the cleanest +summerset, or walk most securely upon the revolving cask. +The story of the Pied Piper becomes for the first time credible +to me, (albeit confirmed by the Hameliners dating their legal +instruments from the period of his exit,) as I behold how those +strains, without pretence of magical potency, bewitch the pupillary +legs, nor leave to the pedagogic an entire self-control. +For these reasons, lest my kingly prerogative should suffer +diminution, I prorogue my restless commons, whom I also +follow into the street, chiefly lest some mischief may chance +befall them. After the manner of such a band, I send forward +the following notices of domestic manufacture, to make brazen +proclamation, not unconscious of the advantage which will +accrue, if our little craft, <i>cymbula sutilis</i>, shall seem to leave +port with a clipping breeze, and to carry, in nautical phrase, +a bone in her mouth. Nevertheless, I have chosen, as being +more equitable, to prepare some also sufficiently objurgatory, +that readers of every taste may find a dish to their palate. I +have modelled them upon actually existing specimens, preserved +in my own cabinet of natural curiosities. One, in particular, +I had copied with tolerable exactness from a notice of one of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxi" id="Page_xxxi">[Pg xxxi]</a></span> +my own discourses, which, from its superior tone and appearance +of vast experience, I concluded to have been written by +a man at least three hundred years of age, though I recollected +no existing instance of such antediluvian longevity. Nevertheless, +I afterwards discovered the author to be a young +gentleman preparing for the ministry under the direction of one +of my brethren in a neighbouring town, and whom I had once +instinctively corrected in a Latin quantity. But this I have +been forced to omit, from its too great length.—H. W.]</p></div> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<div class="blockquot"><p class="center"><i>From the Universal Littery Universe.</i></p> + +<p>Full of passages which rivet the attention of the reader.... Under a +rustic garb, sentiments are conveyed which should be committed to the +memory and engraven on the heart of every moral and social being.... +We consider this a <i>unique</i> performance.... We hope to see it soon introduced +into our common schools.... Mr. Wilbur has performed his +duties as editor with excellent taste and judgment.... This is a vein +which we hope to see successfully prosecuted.... We hail the appearance +of this work as a long stride toward the formation of a purely aboriginal, +indigenous, native, and American literature. We rejoice to meet with an +author national enough to break away from the slavish deference, too +common among us, to English grammar and orthography.... Where all +is so good, we are at a loss how to make extracts.... On the whole, we +may call it a volume which no library, pretending to entire completeness, +should fail to place upon its shelves.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>From the Higginbottomopolis Snapping-turtle.</i></p> + +<p>A collection of the merest balderdash and doggerel that it was ever our +bad fortune to lay eyes on. The author is a vulgar buffoon, and the editor +a talkative, tedious old fool. We use strong language, but should any of +our readers peruse the book, (from which calamity Heaven preserve them,) +they will find reasons for it thick as the leaves of Vallumbrozer, or, to use<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxii" id="Page_xxxii">[Pg xxxii]</a></span> +a still more expressive comparison, as the combined heads of author and +editor. The work is wretchedly got up.... We should like to know how +much <i>British gold</i> was pocketed by this libeller of our country and her +purest patriots.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>From the Oldfogrumville Mentor.</i></p> + +<p>We have not had time to do more than glance through this handsomely +printed volume, but the name of its respectable editor, the Rev. Mr. +Wilbur, of Jaalam, will afford a sufficient guaranty for the worth of its +contents.... The paper is white, the type clear, and the volume of a convenient +and attractive size.... In reading this elegantly executed work, +it has seemed to us that a passage or two might have been retrenched with +advantage, and that the general style of diction was susceptible of a higher +polish.... On the whole, we may safely leave the ungrateful task of +criticism to the reader. We will barely suggest, that in volumes intended, +as this is, for the illustration of a provincial dialect and turns of expression, +a dash of humour or satire might be thrown in with advantage.... +The work is admirably got up.... This work will form an appropriate +ornament to the centre-table. It is beautifully printed, on paper of an +excellent quality.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>From the Dekay Bulwark.</i></p> + +<p>We should be wanting in our duty as the conductor of that tremendous +engine, a public press, as an American, and as a man, did we allow such +an opportunity as is presented to us by "The Biglow Papers" to pass by +without entering our earnest protest against such attempts (now, alas! too +common) at demoralizing the public sentiment. Under a wretched mask +of stupid drollery, slavery, war, the social glass, and, in short, all the +valuable and time-honoured institutions justly dear to our common +humanity and especially to republicans, are made the butt of coarse and +senseless ribaldry by this low-minded scribbler. It is time that the respectable +and religious portion of our community should be aroused to the +alarming inroads of foreign Jacobinism, sansculottism, and infidelity. It +is a fearful proof of the wide-spread nature of this contagion, that these +secret stabs at religion and virtue are given from under the cloak (<i>credite, +posteri!</i>) of a clergyman. It is a mournful spectacle indeed to the patriot +and Christian to see liberality and new ideas (falsely so called,—they are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxiii" id="Page_xxxiii">[Pg xxxiii]</a></span> +as old as Eden) invading the sacred precincts of the pulpit.... On the +whole, we consider this volume as one of the first shocking results which +we predicted would spring out of the late French "Revolution"(!).</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>From the Bungtown Copper and Comprehensive Tocsin (a tryweakly +family journal).</i></p> + +<p>Altogether an admirable work.... Full of humour, boisterous, but +delicate,—of wit withering and scorching, yet combined with a pathos +cool as morning dew,—of satire ponderous as the mace of Richard, yet +keen as the scymitar of Saladin.... A work full of "mountain-mirth," +mischievous as Puck and lightsome as Ariel.... We know not whether +to admire most the genial, fresh, and discursive concinnity of the author, +or his playful fancy, weird imagination, and compass of style, at once both +objective and subjective.... We might indulge in some criticisms, but, +were the author other than he is, he would be a different being. As it is, +he has a wonderful <i>pose</i>, which flits from flower to flower, and bears the +reader irresistibly along on its eagle pinions (like Ganymede) to the +"highest heaven of invention." ... We love a book so purely objective.... +Many of his pictures of natural scenery have an extraordinary subjective +clearness and fidelity.... In fine, we consider this as one of the +most extraordinary volumes of this or any age. We know of no English +author who could have written it. It is a work to which the proud genius +of our country, standing with one foot on the Aroostook and the other on +the Rio Grande, and holding up the star-spangled banner amid the wreck +of matter and the crush of worlds, may point with bewildering scorn of +the punier efforts of enslaved Europe.... We hope soon to encounter +our author among those higher walks of literature in which he is evidently +capable of achieving enduring fame. Already we should be inclined to +assign him a high position in the bright galaxy of our American bards.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>From the Saltriver Pilot and Flag of Freedom.</i></p> + +<p>A volume in bad grammar and worse taste.... While the pieces here +collected were confined to their appropriate sphere in the corners of obscure +newspapers, we considered them wholly beneath contempt, but, as the +author has chosen to come forward in this public manner, he must expect<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxiv" id="Page_xxxiv">[Pg xxxiv]</a></span> +the lash he so richly merits.... Contemptible slanders.... Vilest Billingsgate.... +Has raked all the gutters of our language.... The most +pure, upright, and consistent politicians not safe from his malignant +venom.... General Cushing comes in for a share of his vile calumnies.... +The <i>Reverend</i> Homer Wilbur is a disgrace to his cloth....</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>From the World-Harmonic-Æolian-Attachment.</i></p> + +<p>Speech is silver: silence is golden. No utterance more Orphic than +this. While, therefore, as highest author, we reverence him whose works +continue heroically unwritten, we have also our hopeful word for those +who with pen (from wing of goose loud-cackling, or seraph God-commissioned) +record the thing that is revealed.... Under mask of quaintest +irony, we detect here the deep, storm-tost (nigh shipwracked) soul, thunder-scarred, +semiarticulate, but ever climbing hopefully toward the peaceful +summits of an Infinite Sorrow.... Yes, thou poor, forlorn Hosea, with +Hebrew fire-flaming soul in thee, for thee also this life of ours has not +been without its aspect of heavenliest pity and laughingest mirth. Conceivable +enough! Through coarse Thersites-cloak, we have revelation of +the heart, wild-glowing, world-clasping, that is in him. Bravely he grapples +with the life-problem as it presents itself to him, uncombed, shaggy, +careless of the "nicer proprieties," inexpert of "elegant diction," yet with +voice audible enough to whoso hath ears, up there on the gravelly side-hills, +or down on the splashy, Indiarubber-like salt-marshes of native +Jaalam. To this soul also the <i>Necessity of Creating</i> somewhat has unveiled +its awful front. If not Œdipuses and Electras and Alcestises, then +in God's name Birdofredum Sawins! These also shall get born into the +world, and filch (if so need) a Zingali subsistence therein, these lank, +omnivorous Yankees of his. He shall paint the Seen, since the Unseen +will not sit to him. Yet in him also are Nibelungen-lays, and Iliads, and +Ulysses-wanderings, and Divine Comedies,—if only once he could come at +them! Therein lies much, nay all; for what truly is this which we name +<i>All</i>, but that which we do <i>not</i> possess?... Glimpses also are given us of +an old father Ezekiel, not without paternal pride, as is the wont of such. +A brown, parchment-hided old man of the geoponic or bucolic species, +gray-eyed, we fancy, <i>queued</i> perhaps, with much weather-cunning and +plentiful September-gale memories, bidding fair in good time to become +the Oldest Inhabitant. After such hasty apparition, he vanishes and is +seen no more.... Of "Rev. Homer Wilbur, A. M., Pastor of the First<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxv" id="Page_xxxv">[Pg xxxv]</a></span> +Church in Jaalam," we have small care to speak here. Spare touch in +him of his Melesigenes namesake, save, haply, the—blindness! A +tolerably caliginose, nephelegeretous elderly gentleman, with infinite +faculty of sermonizing, muscularized by long practice, and excellent +digestive apparatus, and, for the rest, well-meaning enough, and with +small private illuminations (somewhat tallowy, it is to be feared) of +his own. To him, there, "Pastor of the First Church in Jaalam," +our Hosea presents himself as a quiet inexplicable Sphinx-riddle. A +rich, poverty of Latin and Greek,—so far is clear enough, even to +eyes peering myopic through horn-lensed editorial spectacles,—but +naught farther? O purblind, well-meaning, altogether fuscous Melesigenes-Wilbur, +there are things in him incommunicable by stroke of +birch! Did it ever enter that old bewildered head of thine that there was +the <i>Possibility of the Infinite</i> in him? To thee, quite wingless (and even +featherless) biped, has not so much even as a dream of wings ever come? +"Talented young parishioner"? Among the Arts whereof thou art +<i>Magister</i>, does that of <i>seeing</i> happen to be one? Unhappy <i>Artium +Magister</i>! Somehow a Nemean lion, fulvous, torrid-eyed, dry-nursed in +broad-howling sand-wildernesses of a sufficiently rare spirit-Libya (it may +be supposed) has got whelped among the sheep. Already he stands wild-glaring, +with feet clutching the ground as with oak-roots, gathering for a +Remus-spring over the walls of thy little fold. In Heaven's name, go +not near him with that flybite crook of thine! In good time, thou painful +preacher, thou wilt go to the appointed place of departed Artillery-Election +Sermons, Right-Hands of Fellowship, and Results of Councils, +gathered to thy spiritual fathers with much Latin of the Epitaphial sort; +thou, too, shalt have thy reward; but on him the Eumenides have looked, +not Xantippes of the pit, snake-tressed, finger-threatening, but radiantly +calm as on antique gems; for him paws impatient the winged courser of +the gods, champing unwelcome bit: him the starry deeps, the empyrean +glooms, and far-flashing splendors await.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>From the Onion Grove Phœnix.</i></p> + +<p>A talented young townsman of ours, recently returned from a Continental +tour, and who is already favourably known to our readers by his +sprightly letters from abroad which have graced our columns, called at our +office yesterday. We learn from him, that, having enjoyed the distinguished<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxvi" id="Page_xxxvi">[Pg xxxvi]</a></span> +privilege, while in Germany, of an introduction to the celebrated Von +Humbug, he took the opportunity to present that eminent man with a +copy of the "Biglow Papers." The next morning he received the following +note, which he has kindly furnished us for publication. We prefer to +print <i>verbatim</i>, knowing that our readers will readily forgive the few errors +into which the illustrious writer has fallen, through ignorance of our +language.</p> + +<p>"<span class="smcap">High-Worthy Mister!</span></p> + +<p>"I shall also now especially happy starve, because I have more or less +a work of one those aboriginal Red-Men seen in which have I so deaf an +interest ever taken fullworthy on the self shelf with our Gottsched to be +upset.</p> + +<p>"Pardon my in the English-speech unpractice!</p> + +<p class="author">"<span class="smcap">Von Humbug.</span>"</p> + +<p>He also sent with the above note a copy of his famous work on "Cosmetics," +to be presented to Mr. Biglow; but this was taken from our +friend by the English custom-house officers, probably through a petty +national spite. No doubt, it has by this time found its way into the +British Museum. We trust this outrage will be exposed in all our American +papers. We shall do our best to bring it to the notice of the State +Department. Our numerous readers will share in the pleasure we experience +at seeing our young and vigorous national literature thus encouragingly +patted on the head by this venerable and world-renowned German. +We love to see these reciprocations of good-feeling between the different +branches of the great Anglo-Saxon race.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>From the Jaalam Independent Blunderbuss.</i></p> + +<p>... But, while we lament to see our young townsman thus mingling +in the heated contests of party politics, we think we detect in him the +presence of talents which, if properly directed, might give an innocent +pleasure to many. As a proof that he is competent to the production of +other kinds of poetry, we copy for our readers a short fragment of a pastoral +by him, the manuscript of which was loaned us by a friend. The +title of it is "The Courtin'."</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxvii" id="Page_xxxvii">[Pg xxxvii]</a></span></p> + +<div class="cpoem20"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Zekle crep' up, quite unbeknown,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' peeked in thru the winder,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' there sot Huldy all alone,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">'ith no one nigh to hender.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Agin' the chimbly crooknecks hung,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' in amongst 'em rusted<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The ole queen's arm thet gran'ther Young<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Fetched back frum Concord busted.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The wannut logs shot sparkles out<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Towards the pootiest, bless her!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' leetle fires danced all about<br /></span> +<span class="i2">The chiny on the dresser.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The very room, coz she wuz in,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Looked warm frum floor to ceilin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' she looked full ez rosy agin<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Ez th' apples she wuz peelin'.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">She heerd a foot an' knowed it, tu,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Araspin' on the scraper,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">All ways to once her feelins flew<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Like sparks in burnt-up paper.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">He kin' o' l'itered on the mat,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Some doubtfle o' the seekle;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">His heart kep' goin' pitypat,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">But hern went pity Zekle.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...<br /></span> +</div></div></div> + +<hr style='width: 65%;' /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxviii" id="Page_xxxviii">[Pg xxxviii]</a></span></p> + +<p>Satis multis sese emptores futuros libri professis, Georgius +Nichols, Cantabrigiensis, opus emittet de parte gravi sed +adhuc neglecta historiæ naturalis, cum titulo sequenti, videlicet:—</p> + +<p><i>Conatus ad Delineationem naturalem nonnihil perfectiorem +Scarabæi Bombilatoris, vulgo dicti</i> <span class="smcap">Humbug</span>, ab <span class="smcap">Homero +Wilbur</span>, Artium Magistro, Societatis historico-naturalis +Jaallamensis Præside, (Secretario, Socioque (eheu!) singulo,) +multarumque aliarum Societatum eruditarum (sive ineruditarum) +tam domesticarum quam transmarinarum Socio—forsitan +futuro.</p> + +<p class="head4">PROEMIUM.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Lectori Benevolo S.</span></p> + +<p>Toga scholastica nondum deposita, quum systemata varia +entomologica, a viris ejus scientiæ cultoribus studiosissimis +summa diligentia ædificata, penitus indagâssem, non fuit quin +luctuose omnibus in iis, quamvis aliter laude dignissimis, +hiatum magni momenti perciperem. Tunc, nescio quo motu +superiore impulsus, aut qua captus dulcedine operis, ad eum +implendum (Curtius alter) me solemniter devovi. Nec ab isto +labore, <span title="daimoniôs">δαιμονίως</span> imposito, abstinui antequam tractatulum +sufficienter inconcinnum lingua vernacula perfeceram. Inde, +juveniliter tumefactus, et barathro ineptiæ <span title="tôn bibliopôlôn">τῶν βιβλιοπωλῶν</span> +(necnon "Publici Legentis") nusquam explorato, me composuisse +quod quasi placentas præfervidas (ut sic dicam) homines<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxix" id="Page_xxxix">[Pg xxxix]</a></span> +ingurgitarent credidi. Sed, quum huic et alii bibliopolæ +MSS. mea submisissem et nihil solidius responsione valde negativa +in Musæum meum retulissem, horror ingens atque +misericordia, ob crassitudinem Lambertianam in cerebris +homunculorum istius muneris cœlesti quadam ira infixam, me +invasere. Extemplo mei solius impensis librum edere decrevi, +nihil omnino dubitans quin "Mundus Scientificus" (ut aiunt) +crumenam meam ampliter repleret. Nullam, attamen, ex agro +illo meo parvulo segetem demessui, præter gaudium vacuum +bene de Republica merendi. Iste panis meus pretiosus super +aquas literarias fæculentas præfidenter jactus, quasi Harpyiarum +quarundam (scilicet bibliopolarum istorum facinorosorum +supradictorum) tactu rancidus, intra perpaucos dies +mihi domum rediit. Et, quum ipse tali victu ali non tolerarem, +primum in mentem venit pistori (typographo nempe) nihilominus +solvendum esse. Animum non idcirco demisi, imo +æque ac pueri naviculas suas penes se lino retinent (eo ut e +recto cursu delapsas ad ripam retrahant), sic ego Argô meam +chartaceam fluctibus laborantem a quæsitu velleris aurei, ipse +potius tonsus pelleque exutus, mente solida revocavi. Metaphoram +ut mutem, <i>boomarangam</i> meam a scopo aberrantem +retraxi, dum majore vi, occasione ministrante, adversus Fortunam +intorquerem. Ast mihi, talia volventi, et, sicut +Saturnus ille <span title="paidoboros">παιδοβόρος</span>, liberos intellectus mei depascere +fidenti, casus miserandus, nec antea inauditus, supervenit. +Nam, ut ferunt Scythas pietatis causa et parsimoniæ, parentes +suos mortuos devorâsse, sic filius hic meus primogenitus, +Scythis ipsis minus mansuetus, patrem vivum totum +et calcitrantem exsorbere enixus est. Nec tamen hac de causa +sobolem meam esurientem exheredavi. Sed famem istam pro +valido testimonio virilitatis roborisque potius habui, cibumque +ad eam satiandam salva paterna mea carne, petii. Et quia +bilem illam scaturientem ad æs etiam concoquendum idoneam<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xl" id="Page_xl">[Pg xl]</a></span> +esse estimabam, unde æs alienum, ut minoris pretii, haberem, +circumspexi. Rebus ita se habentibus, ab avunculo meo +Johanne Doolittle, Armigero, impetravi ut pecunias necessarias +suppeditaret, ne opus esset mihi universitatem relinquendi +antequam ad gradum primum in artibus pervenissem. +Tunc ego, salvum facere patronum meum munificum maxime +cupiens, omnes libros primæ editionis operis mei non venditos +una cum privilegio in omne ævum ejusdem imprimendi et +edendi avunculo meo dicto pigneravi. Ex illo die, atro lapide +notando, curæ vociferantes familiæ singulis annis crescentis +eo usque insultabant ut nunquam tam carum pignus e vinculis +istis aheneis solvere possem.</p> + +<p>Avunculo vero nuper mortuo, quum inter alios consanguineos +testamenti ejus lectionem audiendi causa advenissem, +erectis auribus verba talia sequentia accepi:—"Quoniam persuasum +habeo meum dilectum nepotem Homerum, longa et +intima rerum angustarum domi experientia, aptissimum esse +qui divitias tueatur, beneficenterque ac prudenter iis divinis +creditis utatur,—ergo, motus hisce cogitationibus, exque +amore meo in illum magno, do, legoque nepoti caro meo +supranominato omnes singularesque istas possessiones nec +ponderabiles nec computabiles meas quæ sequuntur, scilicet: +quingentos libros quos mihi pigneravit dictus Homerus, anno +lucis 1792, cum privilegio edendi et repetendi opus istud +'scientificum' (quod dicunt) suum, si sic elegerit. Tamen +D. O. M. precor oculos Homeri nepotis mei ita aperiat eumque +moveat, ut libros istos in bibliotheca unius e plurimis castellis +suis Hispaniensibus tuto abscondat."</p> + +<p>His verbis (vix credibilibus) auditis, cor meum in pectore +exsultavit. Deinde, quoniam tractatus Anglice scriptus spem +auctoris fefellerat, quippe quum studium Historiæ Naturalis in +Republica nostra inter factionis strepitum languescat, Latine +versum edere statui, et eo potius quia nescio quomodo disciplina<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xli" id="Page_xli">[Pg xli]</a></span> +academica et duo diplomata proficiant, nisi quod peritos +linguarum omnino mortuarum (et damnandarum, ut dicebat +iste <span title="panourgos">πανοῦργος</span> Gulielmus Cobbett) nos faciant.</p> + +<p>Et mihi adhuc superstes est tota illa editio prima, quam +quasi crepitaculum per quod dentes caninos dentibam retineo.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<div class="blockquot"><p class="head5">OPERIS SPECIMEN.</p> + +<p class="center">(<i>Ad exemplum Johannis Physiophili speciminis Monachologiæ.</i>)<br /><br /> +12. S. B. <i>Militaris</i>, <span class="smcap">Wilbur</span>. <i>Carnifex</i>, <span class="smcap">Jablonsk</span>. <i>Profanus</i>, <span class="smcap">Desfont</span>.</p> + +<p>[Male hancce speciem <i>Cyclopem</i>, Fabricius vocat, ut qui singulo oculo +ad quod sui interest distinguitur. Melius vero Isaacus Outis nullum inter +S. milit. S. que Belzebul (Fabric. 152) discrimen esse defendit.]</p> + +<p>Habitat civitat. Americ. austral.</p> + +<p>Aureis lineis splendidus; plerumque tamen sordidus, utpote lanienas +valde frequentans, fœtore sanguinis allectus. Amat quoque insuper septa +apricari, neque inde, nisi maxima conatione, detruditur. <i>Candidatus</i> ergo +populariter vocatus. Caput cristam quasi pennarum ostendit. Pro cibo +vaccam publicam callide mulget; abdomen enorme; facultas suctus haud +facile estimanda. Otiosus, fatuus; ferox nihilominus, semperque dimicare +paratus. Tortuose repit.</p> + +<p>Capite sæpe maxima cum cura dissecto, ne illud rudimentum etiam +cerebri commune omnibus prope insectis detegere poteram.</p> + +<p>Unam de hoc S. milit. rem singularem notavi; nam S. Guineeus. +(Fabric. 143) servos facit, et idcirco a multis summa in reverentia habitus, +quasi scintillas rationis pæne humanæ demonstrans.</p> + +<p class="center">24. S. B. <i>Criticus</i>, <span class="smcap">Wilbur</span>. <i>Zoilus</i>, <span class="smcap">Fabric</span>. <i>Pygmæus</i>, <span class="smcap">Carlsen</span>.</p> + +<p>[Stultissime Johannes Stryx cum S. punctato (Fabric. 64-109) confundit. +Specimina quam plurima scrutationi microscopicæ subjeci, nunquam +tamen unum ulla indicia puncti cujusvis prorsus ostendentem inveni.]</p> + +<p>Præcipue formidolosus, insectatusque, in proxima rima anonyma sese abscondit, +<i>we, we</i>, creberrime stridens. Ineptus, segnipes.</p> + +<p>Habitat ubique gentium; in sicco; nidum suum terebratione indefessa ædificans. +Cibus. Libros depascit; siccos præcipue seligens, et forte succidum</p></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h1><a name="THE_BIGLOW_PAPERS" id="THE_BIGLOW_PAPERS"></a>THE BIGLOW PAPERS.</h1> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p class="head6"><i>MELIBŒUS-HIPPONAX.</i><br /><br /><br /> +<b>THE</b><br /><br /> +<big><big><b>BIGLOW PAPERS,</b></big></big></p> + +<p class="center" style="margin-top: 2em;">EDITED,</p> + +<p class="head6" style="margin-top: 2em;">WITH AN INTRODUCTION, NOTES, GLOSSARY,<br /> +AND COPIOUS INDEX,</p> + + +<p class="head6" style="margin-top: 2em;"><big><span class="smcap">By</span> HOMER WILBUR, A.M.</big></p> + +<p class="center"><small>PASTOR OF THE FIRST CHURCH IN JAALAM, AND (PROSPECTIVE) MEMBER OF<br /> +MANY LITERARY, LEARNED, AND SCIENTIFIC SOCIETIES,<br /> +(<i>for which see page</i> <a href="#Page_xlvii">xlvii</a>.)</small><br /><br /><br /></p> + + +<div class="cpoem30"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The ploughman's whistle, or the trivial flute,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Finds more respect than great Apollo's lute.<br /></span> +<span class="i8"><i>Quarles's Emblems</i>, B. II. E. 8.<br /></span> +</div></div></div> + +<div class="cpoem30"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Margaritas, munde porcine, calcâsti: en, siliquas accipe.<br /></span> +<span class="i8"><i>Jaa. Car. Fil. ad Pub. Leg.</i> § 1.<br /></span> +</div></div></div> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xlvii" id="Page_xlvii">[Pg xlvii]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="NOTE_TO_TITLE-PAGE" id="NOTE_TO_TITLE-PAGE"></a>NOTE TO TITLE-PAGE</h2> + + +<p>It will not have escaped the attentive eye, that I have, on +the title-page, omitted those honorary appendages to the +editorial name which not only add greatly to the value of +every book, but whet and exacerbate the appetite of the +reader. For not only does he surmise that an honorary +membership of literary and scientific societies implies a certain +amount of necessary distinction on the part of the recipient of +such decorations, but he is willing to trust himself more +entirely to an author who writes under the fearful responsibility +of involving the reputation of such bodies as the <i>S. +Archæol. Dahom.</i>, or the <i>Acad. Lit. et Scient. Kamtschat.</i> I +cannot but think that the early editions of Shakspeare and +Milton would have met with more rapid and general acceptance, +but for the barrenness of their respective title-pages; +and I believe that, even now, a publisher of the works of +either of those justly distinguished men would find his account +in procuring their admission to the membership of learned +bodies on the Continent,—a proceeding no whit more incongruous +than the reversal of the judgment against Socrates, +when he was already more than twenty centuries beyond the +reach of antidotes, and when his memory had acquired a deserved +respectability. I conceive that it was a feeling of the importance +of this precaution which induced Mr. Locke to style +himself "Gent." on the title-page of his Essay, as who should<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xlviii" id="Page_xlviii">[Pg xlviii]</a></span> +say to his readers that they could receive his metaphysics on +the honor of a gentleman.</p> + +<p>Nevertheless, finding, that, without descending to a smaller +size of type than would have been compatible with the dignity +of the several societies to be named, I could not compress my +intended list within the limits of a single page, and thinking, +moreover, that the act would carry with it an air of decorous +modesty, I have chosen to take the reader aside, as it were, +into my private closet, and there not only exhibit to him the +diplomas which I already possess, but also to furnish him with +a prophetic vision of those which I may, without undue presumption, +hope for, as not beyond the reach of human ambition +and attainment. And I am the rather induced to this from the +fact, that my name has been unaccountably dropped from the +last triennial catalogue of our beloved <i>Alma Mater</i>. Whether +this is to be attributed to the difficulty of Latinizing any of +those honorary adjuncts (with a complete list of which I took +care to furnish the proper persons nearly a year beforehand), +or whether it had its origin in any more culpable motives, I +forbear to consider in this place, the matter being in course of +painful investigation. But, however this may be, I felt the +omission the more keenly, as I had, in expectation of the new +catalogue, enriched the library of the Jaalam Athenæum with +the old one then in my possession, by which means it has +come about that my children will be deprived of a never-wearying +winter-evening's amusement in looking out the name +of their parent in that distinguished roll. Those harmless +innocents had at least committed no——but I forbear, having +intrusted my reflections and animadversions on this painful +topic to the safe-keeping of my private diary, intended for +posthumous publication. I state this fact here, in order that +certain nameless individuals, who are, perhaps, overmuch congratulating +themselves upon my silence, may know that a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xlix" id="Page_xlix">[Pg xlix]</a></span> +rod is in pickle which the vigorous hand of a justly incensed +posterity will apply to their memories.</p> + +<p>The careful reader will note, that, in the list which I have +prepared, I have included the names of several Cisatlantic societies +to which a place is not commonly assigned in processions +of this nature. I have ventured to do this, not only to +encourage native ambition and genius, but also because I have +never been able to perceive in what way distance (unless we +suppose them at the end of a lever) could increase the weight +of learned bodies. As far as I have been able to extend my +researches among such stuffed specimens as occasionally reach +America, I have discovered no generic difference between the +antipodal <i>Fogrum Japonicum</i> and the <i>F. Americanum</i> sufficiently +common in our own immediate neighbourhood. Yet, with a +becoming deference to the popular belief, that distinctions of +this sort are enhanced in value by every additional mile they +travel, I have intermixed the names of some tolerably distant +literary and other associations with the rest.</p> + +<p>I add here, also, an advertisement, which, that it may be the +more readily understood by those persons especially interested +therein, I have written in that curtailed and otherwise maltreated +canine Latin, to the writing and reading of which they +are accustomed.</p> + + +<p class="head4"><span class="smcap">Omnib. per tot. Orb. Terrar. Catalog. Academ. Edd.</span></p> + +<p>Minim. gent. diplom. ab inclytiss. acad. vest. orans, vir. +honorand. operosiss., at sol. ut sciat. quant. glor. nom. meum +(dipl. fort. concess.) catal. vest. temp. futur. affer., ill. subjec., +addit. omnib. titul. honorar. qu. adh. non tant. opt. quam probab. +put.</p> + +<p class="head5"><sup>*</sup><sub>*</sub><sup>*</sup> <i>Litt. Uncial. distinx. ut Præs. S. Hist. Nat. Jaal.</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_l" id="Page_l">[Pg l]</a></span></p> + +<p><i>HOMERUS WILBUR</i>, Mr., Episc. Jaalam. S. T. D. 1850, +et Yal. 1849, et Neo-Cæs. et Brun. et Gulielm. 1852, et Gul. +et Mar. et Bowd. et Georgiop. et Viridimont. et Columb. Nov. +Ebor. 1853, et Amherst. et Watervill. et S. Jarlath. Hib. et S. +Mar. et S. Joseph. et S. And. Scot. 1854, et Nashvill et Dart. +et Dickins. et Concord. et Wash. et Columbian. et Charlest. et +Jeff. et Dubl. et Oxon. et Cantab. et cæt. 1855, P. U. N. C. H. +et J. U. D. Gott. et Osnab. et Heidelb. 1860, et Acad. <span class="smcap">Bore +us</span>. Berolin. Soc. et SS. RR. Lugd. Bat. et Patav. et Lond. +et Edinb. et Ins. Feejee. et Null. Terr. et Pekin. Soc. Hon. et +S. H. S. et S. P. A. et A. A. S. et S. Humb. Univ. et S. Omn. +Rer. Quarund. q. Aliar. Promov. Passamaquod. et H. P. C. et +I. O. H. et <span title="A. D. Ph.">Α. Δ. Φ.</span> et <span title="P. K. R.">Π. Κ. Ρ.</span> et <span title="Ph. B. K.">Φ. Β. Κ.</span> et Peucin. et +Erosoph. et Philadelph. et Frat. in Unit. et <span title="S. T.">Σ. Τ.</span> et S. Archæolog. +Athen. et Acad. Scient. et Lit. Panorm. et SS. R. H. +Matrit. et Beeloochist. et Caffrar. et Caribb. et M. S. Reg. Paris. +et S. Am. Antiserv. Soc. Hon. et P. D. Gott. et LL.D. 1852, +et D.C.L. et Mus. Doc. Oxon. 1860, et M. M. S. S. et M.D. +1854, et Med. Fac. Univ. Harv. Soc. et S. pro Convers. Pollywog. +Soc. Hon. et Higgl. Piggl. et LL.B. 1853, et S. pro +Christianiz. Moschet. Soc., et SS. Ante-Diluv. ubiq. Gent. Soc. +Hon. et Civit. Cleric. Jaalam. et S. pro Diffus. General. Tenebr. +Secret. Corr.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_li" id="Page_li">[Pg li]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="INTRODUCTION" id="INTRODUCTION"></a>INTRODUCTION.</h2> + + +<p>When, more than three years ago, my talented young +parishioner, Mr. Biglow, came to me and submitted to +my animadversions the first of his poems which he +intended to commit to the more hazardous trial of a +city newspaper, it never so much as entered my +imagination to conceive that his productions would +ever be gathered into a fair volume, and ushered into +the august presence of the reading public by myself. +So little are we short-sighted mortals able to predict +the event! I confess that there is to me a quite new +satisfaction in being associated (though only as sleeping +partner) in a book which can stand by itself in an +independent unity on the shelves of libraries. For there +is always this drawback from the pleasure of printing a +sermon, that, whereas the queasy stomach of this generation +will not bear a discourse long enough to make +a separate volume, those religious and godly-minded +children (those Samuels, if I may call them so) of the +brain must at first lie buried in an undistinguished<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lii" id="Page_lii">[Pg lii]</a></span> +heap, and then get such resurrection as is vouchsafed +to them, mummy-wrapt with a score of others in a +cheap binding, with no other mark of distinction than +the word "<i>Miscellaneous</i>" printed upon the back. Far +be it from me to claim any credit for the quite unexpected +popularity which I am pleased to find these +bucolic strains have attained unto. If I know myself, +I am measurably free from the itch of vanity; yet I +may be allowed to say that I was not backward to +recognize in them a certain wild, puckery, acidulous +(sometimes even verging toward that point which, in +our rustic phrase, is termed <i>shut-eye</i>) flavour, not wholly +unpleasing, nor unwholesome, to palates cloyed with +the sugariness of tamed and cultivated fruit. It may +be, also, that some touches of my own, here and there, +may have led to their wider acceptance, albeit solely +from my larger experience of literature and authorship.<a name="FNanchor_3_3" id="FNanchor_3_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_3_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a></p> + +<p>I was, at first, inclined to discourage Mr. Biglow's +attempts, as knowing that the desire to poetize is one +of the diseases naturally incident to adolescence, which, +if the fitting remedies be not at once and with a bold +hand applied, may become chronic, and render one,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_liii" id="Page_liii">[Pg liii]</a></span> +who might else have become in due time an ornament +of the social circle, a painful object even to nearest +friends and relatives. But thinking, on a further +experience, that there was a germ of promise in him +which required only culture and the pulling up of +weeds from around it, I thought it best to set before +him the acknowledged examples of English compositions +in verse, and leave the rest to natural emulation. +With this view, I accordingly lent him some +volumes of Pope and Goldsmith, to the assiduous study +of which he promised to devote his evenings. Not +long afterwards he brought me some verses written +upon that model, a specimen of which I subjoin, having +changed some phrases of less elegancy, and a few +rhymes objectionable to the cultivated ear. The poem +consisted of childish reminiscences, and the sketches +which follow will not seem destitute of truth to those +whose fortunate education began in a country village. +And, first, let us hang up his charcoal portrait of the +school-dame.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Propt on the marsh, a dwelling now, I see<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The humble school-house of my A, B, C,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Where well-drilled urchins, each behind his tire,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Waited in ranks the wished command to fire;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then all together, when the signal came,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Discharged their <i>a-b abs</i> against the dame,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_liv" id="Page_liv">[Pg liv]</a></span><br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who, 'mid the volleyed learning, firm and calm,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Patted the furloughed ferule on her palm,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And, to our wonder, could detect at once,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who flashed the pan, and who was downright dunce.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">There young Devotion learned to climb with ease<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The gnarly limbs of Scripture family-trees,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And he was most commended and admired<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who soonest to the topmost twig perspired;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Each name was called as many various ways<br /></span> +<span class="i0">As pleased the reader's ear on different days,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So that the weather, or the ferule's stings,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Colds in the head, or fifty other things,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Transformed the helpless Hebrew thrice a week<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To guttural Pequot or resounding Greek,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The vibrant accent skipping here and there,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Just as it pleased invention or despair;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">No controversial Hebraist was the Dame;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With or without the points pleased her the same;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If any tyro found a name too tough,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And looked at her, pride furnished skill enough;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">She nerved her larynx for the desperate thing,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And cleared the five-barred syllables at a spring.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Ah, dear old times! there once it was my hap,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Perched on a stool, to wear the long-eared cap;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">From books degraded, there I sat at ease,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A drone, the envy of compulsory bees."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>I add only one further extract, which will possess +a melancholy interest to all such as have endeavoured +to glean the materials of Revolutionary history from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lv" id="Page_lv">[Pg lv]</a></span> +the lips of aged persons, who took a part in the actual +making of it, and, finding the manufacture profitable, +continued the supply in an adequate proportion to the +demand.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Old Joe is gone, who saw hot Percy goad<br /></span> +<span class="i0">His slow artillery up the Concord road,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A tale which grew in wonder, year by year,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">As, every time he told it, Joe drew near<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To the main fight, till, faded and grown gray,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The original scene to bolder tints gave way;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then Joe had heard the foe's scared double-quick<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Beat on stove drum with one uncaptured stick,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And, ere death came the lengthening tale to lop,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Himself had fired, and seen a red-coat drop;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Had Joe lived long enough, that scrambling fight<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Had squared more nearly to his sense of right,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And vanquished Percy, to complete the tale,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Had hammered stone for life in Concord jail."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>I do not know that the foregoing extracts ought not +to be called my own rather than Mr. Biglow's, as, +indeed, he maintained stoutly that my file had left +nothing of his in them. I should not, perhaps, have +felt entitled to take so great liberties with them, had I +not more than suspected an hereditary vein of poetry +in myself, a very near ancestor having written a Latin +poem in the Harvard <i>Gratulatio</i> on the accession of +George the Third. Suffice it to say, that, whether not +satisfied with such limited approbation as I could<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lvi" id="Page_lvi">[Pg lvi]</a></span> +conscientiously bestow, or from a sense of natural +inaptitude, I know not, certain it is that my young +friend could never be induced to any further essays in +this kind. He affirmed that it was to him like writing +in a foreign tongue,—that Mr. Pope's versification was +like the regular ticking of one of Willard's clocks, in +which one could fancy, after long listening, a certain +kind of rhythm or tune, but which yet was only a +poverty-stricken <i>tick, tick</i> after all,—and that he had +never seen a sweet-water on a trellis growing so fairly, +or in forms so pleasing to his eye, as a fox-grape over +a scrub-oak in a swamp. He added I know not what, +to the effect that the sweet-water would only be the +more disfigured by having its leaves starched and +ironed out, and that Pegāsus (so he called him) hardly +looked right with his mane and tail in curl-papers. +These and other such opinions I did not long strive +to eradicate, attributing them rather to a defective +education and senses untuned by too long familiarity +with purely natural objects, than to a perverted moral +sense. I was the more inclined to this leniency since +sufficient evidence was not to seek, that his verses, as +wanting as they certainly were in classic polish and +point, had somehow taken hold of the public ear in a +surprising manner. So, only setting him right as to +the quantity of the proper name Pegasus, I left him +to follow the bent of his natural genius.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lvii" id="Page_lvii">[Pg lvii]</a></span></p> + +<p>There are two things upon which it would seem +fitting to dilate somewhat more largely in this place,—the +Yankee character and the Yankee dialect. And, +first, of the Yankee character, which has wanted neither +open maligners, nor even more dangerous enemies in +the persons of those unskilful painters who have given +to it that hardness, angularity, and want of proper +perspective, which, in truth, belonged, not to their +subject, but to their own niggard and unskilful +pencil.</p> + +<p>New England was not so much the colony of a +mother country, as a Hagar driven forth into the +wilderness. The little self-exiled band which came +hither in 1620 came, not to seek gold, but to found +a democracy. They came that they might have the +privilege to work and pray, to sit upon hard benches +and listen to painful preachers as long as they would, +yea, even unto thirty-seventhly, if the spirit so willed +it. And surely, if the Greek might boast his Thermopylæ, +where three hundred men fell in resisting the +Persian, we may well be proud of our Plymouth Rock, +where a handful of men, women, and children not +merely faced, but vanquished, winter, famine, the wilderness, +and the yet more invincible <i>storge</i> that drew them +back to the green island far away. These found no +lotus growing upon the surly shore, the taste of which +could make them forget their little native Ithaca; nor<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lviii" id="Page_lviii">[Pg lviii]</a></span> +were they so wanting to themselves in faith as to burn +their ship, but could see the fair west wind belly the +homeward sail, and then turn unrepining to grapple +with the terrible Unknown.</p> + +<p>As Want was the prime foe these hardy exodists +had to fortress themselves against, so it is little wonder +if that traditional feud is long in wearing out of the +stock. The wounds of the old warfare were long ahealing, +and an east wind of hard times puts a new ache +in every one of them. Thrift was the first lesson in +their horn-book, pointed out, letter after letter, by the +lean finger of the hard schoolmaster, Necessity. Neither +were those plump, rosy-gilled Englishmen that came +hither, but a hard-faced, atrabilious, earnest-eyed race, +stiff from long wrestling with the Lord in prayer, and +who had taught Satan to dread the new Puritan hug. +Add two hundred years' influence of soil, climate, and +exposure, with its necessary result of idiosyncrasies, +and we have the present Yankee, full of expedients, +half-master of all trades, inventive in all but the beautiful, +full of shifts, not yet capable of comfort, armed +at all points against the old enemy Hunger, longanimous, +good at patching, not so careful for what is best +as for what will <i>do</i>, with a clasp to his purse and a +button to his pocket, not skilled to build against Time, +as in old countries, but against sore-pressing Need, +accustomed to move the world with no <span title="pou stô">ποῦ στῶ</span> but<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lix" id="Page_lix">[Pg lix]</a></span> +his own two feet, and no lever but his own long forecast. +A strange hybrid, indeed, did circumstance beget, +here in the New World, upon the old Puritan stock, +and the earth never before saw such mystic-practicalism, +such niggard-geniality, such calculating-fanaticism, +such cast-iron-enthusiasm, such unwilling humour, such +close-fisted-generosity. This new <i>Græculus esuriens</i> +will make a living out of any thing. He will invent +new trades as well as tools. His brain is his capital, +and he will get education at all risks. Put him on +Juan Fernandez, and he would make a spelling-book +first, and a salt-pan afterwards. <i>In cœlum, jusseris, +ibit</i>,—or the other way either,—it is all one, so any +thing is to be got by it. Yet, after all, thin, speculative +Jonathan is more like the Englishman of two centuries +ago than John Bull himself is. He has lost somewhat +in solidity, has become fluent and adaptable, but more +of the original groundwork of character remains. He +feels more at home with Fulke Greville, Herbert of +Cherbury, Quarles, George Herbert, and Browne, than +with his modern English cousins. He is nearer than +John, by at least a hundred years, to Naseby, Marston +Moor, Worcester, and the time when, if ever, there +were true Englishmen. John Bull has suffered the +idea of the Invisible to be very much flattened out of +him. Jonathan is conscious still that he lives in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lx" id="Page_lx">[Pg lx]</a></span> +world of the Unseen as well as of the Seen. To move +John, you must make your fulcrum of solid beef and +pudding; an abstract idea will do for Jonathan.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p class="head6"><b><sup>*</sup><sub>*</sub><sup>*</sup> TO THE INDULGENT READER.</b></p> + +<p>My friend, the Rev. Mr. Wilbur, having been seized with a +dangerous fit of illness, before this Introduction had passed +through the press, and being incapacitated for all literary exertion, +sent to me his notes, memoranda, &c., and requested +me to fashion them into some shape more fitting for the general +eye. This, owing to the fragmentary and disjointed state +of his manuscripts, I have felt wholly unable to do; yet, being +unwilling that the reader should be deprived of such parts of +his lucubrations as seemed more finished, and not well discerning +how to segregate these from the rest, I have concluded to +send them all to the press precisely as they are.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Columbus Nye</span>, <i>Pastor of a Church in Bungtown Corner</i>.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxi" id="Page_lxi">[Pg lxi]</a></span></p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It remains to speak of the Yankee dialect. And, +first, it may be premised, in a general way, that any +one much read in the writings of the early colonists +need not be told that the far greater share of the words +and phrases now esteemed peculiar to New England, +and local there, were brought from the mother-country. +A person familiar with the dialect of certain portions +of Massachusetts will not fail to recognize, in ordinary +discourse, many words now noted in English vocabularies +as archaic, the greater part of which were in common +use about the time of the King James translation +of the Bible. Shakspeare stands less in need of a glossary +to most New Englanders than to many a native of +the Old Country. The peculiarities of our speech, +however, are rapidly wearing out. As there is no +country where reading is so universal and newspapers +are so multitudinous, so no phrase remains long local, +but is transplanted in the mail-bags to every remotest +corner of the land. Consequently our dialect approaches +nearer to uniformity than that of any other nation.</p> + +<p>The English have complained of us for coining new +words. Many of those so stigmatized were old ones +by them forgotten, and all make now an unquestioned +part of the currency, wherever English is spoken. +Undoubtedly, we have a right to make new words, as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxii" id="Page_lxii">[Pg lxii]</a></span> +they are needed by the fresh aspects under which life +presents itself here in the New World; and, indeed, +wherever a language is alive, it grows. It might be +questioned whether we could not establish a stronger +title to the ownership of the English tongue than the +mother-islanders themselves. Here, past all question, +is to be its great home and centre. And not only is it +already spoken here by greater numbers, but with a far +higher popular average of correctness, than in Britain. +The great writers of it, too, we might claim as ours, +were ownership to be settled by the number of readers +and lovers.</p> + +<p>As regards the provincialisms to be met with in this +volume, I may say that the reader will not find one +which is not (as I believe) either native or imported +with the early settlers, nor one which I have not, with +my own ears, heard in familiar use. In the metrical +portion of the book, I have endeavoured to adapt the +spelling as nearly as possible to the ordinary mode of +pronunciation. Let the reader who deems me overparticular +remember this caution of Martial:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"<i>Quem recitas, meus est, O Fidentine, libellus;</i><br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>Sed male cum recitas, incipit esse tuus.</i>"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>A few further explanatory remarks will not be impertinent.</p> + +<p>I shall barely lay down a few general rules for the +reader's guidance.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxiii" id="Page_lxiii">[Pg lxiii]</a></span></p> + +<p>1. The genuine Yankee never gives the rough sound +to the <i>r</i> when he can help it, and often displays considerable +ingenuity in avoiding it even before a vowel.</p> + +<p>2. He seldom sounds the final <i>g</i>, a piece of self-denial, +if we consider his partiality for nasals. The +same of the final <i>d</i>, as <i>han'</i> and <i>stan'</i> for <i>hand</i> and +<i>stand</i>.</p> + +<p>3. The <i>h</i> in such words as <i>while</i>, <i>when</i>, <i>where</i>, he omits +altogether.</p> + +<p>4. In regard to <i>a</i>, he shows some inconsistency, +sometimes giving a close and obscure sound, as <i>hev</i> for +<i>have</i>, <i>hendy</i> for <i>handy</i>, <i>ez</i> for <i>as</i>, <i>thet</i> for <i>that</i>, and again +giving it the broad sound it has in <i>father</i>, as <i>hânsome</i> +for <i>handsome</i>.</p> + +<p>5. To the sound <i>ou</i> he prefixes an <i>e</i> (hard to exemplify +otherwise than orally).</p> + +<p>The following passage in Shakspeare he would recite +thus:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Neow is the winta uv eour discontent<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Med glorious summa by this sun o' Yock,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' all the cleouds thet leowered upun eour heouse<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In the deep buzzum o' the oshin buried;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Neow air eour breows beound 'ith victorious wreaths;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Eour breused arms hung up fer monimunce;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Eour starn alarums chănged to merry meetins,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Eour dreffle marches to delightful measures.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Grim-visaged war heth smeuthed his wrinkled front,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxiv" id="Page_lxiv">[Pg lxiv]</a></span> +<span class="i0">An' neow, instid o' mountin' barebid steeds<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To fright the souls o' ferfle edverseries,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He capers nimly in a lady's chămber,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To the lascivious pleasin' uv a loot."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>6. <i>Au</i>, in such words as <i>daughter</i> and <i>slaughter</i>, he +pronounces <i>ah</i>.</p> + +<p>7. To the dish thus seasoned add a drawl <i>ad libitum</i>.</p> + + +<p class="center">[Mr. Wilbur's notes here become entirely fragmentary.—C. N.]</p> + + +<p><span title="a">α</span>. Unable to procure a likeness of Mr. Biglow, I +thought the curious reader might be gratified with a +sight of the editorial effigies. And here a choice between +two was offered,—the one a profile (entirely +black) cut by Doyle, the other a portrait painted by a +native artist of much promise. The first of these +seemed wanting in expression, and in the second a +slight obliquity of the visual organs has been heightened +(perhaps from an over-desire of force on the part of the +artist) into too close an approach to actual <i>strabismus</i>. +This slight divergence in my optical apparatus from the +ordinary model—however I may have been taught to +regard it in the light of a mercy rather than a cross, +since it enabled me to give as much of directness and +personal application to my discourses as met the wants +of my congregation, without risk of offending any by +being supposed to have him or her in my eye (as the +saying is)—seemed yet to Mrs. Wilbur a sufficient objection<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxv" id="Page_lxv">[Pg lxv]</a></span> +to the engraving of the aforesaid painting. We +read of many who either absolutely refused to allow the +copying of their features, as especially did Plotinus and +Agesilaus among the ancients, not to mention the more +modern instances of Scioppius Palæottus, Pinellus, +Velserus, Gataker, and others, or were indifferent +thereto, as Cromwell.</p> + +<p><span title="b">β</span>. Yet was Cæsar desirous of concealing his baldness. +<i>Per contra</i>, my Lord Protector's carefulness in the +matter of his wart might be cited. Men generally +more desirous of being <i>improved</i> in their portraits than +characters. Shall probably find very unflattered likenesses +of ourselves in Recording Angel's gallery.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p><span title="g">γ</span>. Whether any of our national peculiarities may be +traced to our use of stoves, as a certain closeness of the +lips in pronunciation, and a smothered smoulderingness +of disposition, seldom roused to open flame? An unrestrained +intercourse with fire probably conducive to +generosity and hospitality of soul. Ancient Mexicans +used stoves, as the friar Augustin Ruiz reports, Hakluyt, +III., 468,—but Popish priests not always reliable +authority.</p> + +<p>To-day picked my Isabella grapes. Crop injured by +attacks of rose-bug in the spring. Whether Noah was +justifiable in preserving this class of insects?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxvi" id="Page_lxvi">[Pg lxvi]</a></span></p> + +<p><span title="d">δ</span>. Concerning Mr. Biglow's pedigree. Tolerably certain +that there was never a poet among his ancestors. +An ordination hymn attributed to a maternal uncle, +but perhaps a sort of production not demanding the +creative faculty.</p> + +<p>His grandfather a painter of the grandiose or Michael +Angelo school. Seldom painted objects smaller than +houses or barns, and these with uncommon expression.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p><span title="e">ε</span>. Of the Wilburs no complete pedigree. The crest +said to be a <i>wild boar</i>, whence, perhaps, the name. (?) +A connection with the Earls of Wilbraham (<i>quasi</i> wild +boar ham) might be made out. This suggestion worth +following up. In 1677, John W. m. Expect ——, had +issue, 1. John, 2. Haggai, 3. Expect, 4. Ruhamah, +5. Desire.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Hear lyes y<sup>e</sup> bodye of Mrs Expect Wilber,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Y<sup>e</sup> crewell salvages they kil'd her<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Together w<sup>th</sup> other Christian soles eleaven,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">October y<sup>e</sup> ix daye, 1707.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Y<sup>e</sup> stream of Jordan sh' as crost ore<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And now expeacts me on y<sup>e</sup> other shore:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I live in hope her soon to join;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Her earthlye yeeres were forty and nine."<br /></span> +<span class="i4"><i>From Gravestone in Pekussett, North Parish.</i><br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>This is unquestionably the same John who afterward +(1711) married Tabitha Hagg or Rag.</p> + +<p>But if this were the case, she seems to have died<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxvii" id="Page_lxvii">[Pg lxvii]</a></span> +early; for only three years after, namely, 1714, we +have evidence that he married Winifred, daughter of +Lieutenant Tipping.</p> + +<p>He seems to have been a man of substance, for we +find him in 1696 conveying "one undivided eightieth +part of a salt-meadow" in Yabbok, and he commanded +a sloop in 1702.</p> + +<p>Those who doubt the importance of genealogical +studies <i>fuste potius quam argumento erudiendi</i>.</p> + +<p>I trace him as far as 1723, and there lose him. In +that year he was chosen selectman.</p> + +<p>No gravestone. Perhaps overthrown when new +hearse-house was built, 1802.</p> + +<p>He was probably the son of John, who came from +Bilham Comit. Salop. circa 1642.</p> + +<p>This first John was a man of considerable importance, +being twice mentioned with the honourable prefix of +<i>Mr.</i> in the town records. Name spelt with two <i>l</i>-s.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Hear lyeth y<sup>e</sup> bod [<i>stone unhappily broken</i>.]<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Mr. Ihon Willber [Esq.] [<i>I inclose this in brackets as doubtful. To me it seems clear.</i>]<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ob't die [<i>illegible; looks like xviii.</i>] ... iii [<i>prob. 1693.</i>]<br /></span> +<span class="i0">... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... paynt<br /></span> +<span class="i0">... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... deseased seinte:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A friend and [fath]er untoe all y<sup>e</sup> opreast,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Hee gave y<sup>e</sup> wicked familists noe reast,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">When Sat[an bl]ewe his Antinomian blaste,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wee clong to [Willber as a steadf]ast maste.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">[A]gaynst y<sup>e</sup> horrid Qua[kers]...."<br /></span> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxviii" id="Page_lxviii">[Pg lxviii]</a></span></div></div> + +<p>It is greatly to be lamented that this curious epitaph +is mutilated. It is said that the sacrilegious British +soldiers made a target of this stone during the war of +Independence. How odious an animosity which pauses +not at the grave! How brutal that which spares not +the monuments of authentic history! This is not improbably +from the pen of Rev. Moddy Pyram, who is +mentioned by Hubbard as having been noted for a +silver vein of poetry. If his papers be still extant, a +copy might possibly be recovered.</p> + + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_3_3"><span class="label">[3]</span></a> The reader curious in such matters may refer (if he can find them) +to "A Sermon preached on the Anniversary of the Dark Day," "An +Artillery Election Sermon," "A Discourse on the Late Eclipse," "Dorcas, +a Funeral Sermon on the Death of Madam Submit Tidd, Relict of the late +Experience Tidd, Esq." &c. &c.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p> +<h1 style="margin-bottom: 2em;">THE BIGLOW PAPERS.</h1> + + + + +<h2><a name="No_I" id="No_I"></a>No. I.</h2> + +<h3>A LETTER</h3> + +<div class="hdtt"><p>FROM MR. EZEKIEL BIGLOW OF JAALAM TO THE HON. JOSEPH +T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, INCLOSING +A POEM OF HIS SON, MR. HOSEA BIGLOW.</p></div> + + +<p class="date2"> +<span class="smcap">Jaylem</span>, june 1846. +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mister Eddyter</span>:—Our Hosea wuz down to Boston +last week, and he see a cruetin Sarjunt a struttin +round as popler as a hen with 1 chicking, with 2 +fellers a drummin and fifin arter him like all nater. +the sarjunt he thout Hosea hedn't gut his i teeth cut +cos he looked a kindo's though he'd jest com down, so +he cal'lated to hook him in, but Hosy woodn't take +none o' his sarse for all he hed much as 20 Rooster's +tales stuck onto his hat and eenamost enuf brass a +bobbin up and down on his shoulders and figureed +onto his coat and trousis, let alone wut nater hed sot +in his featers, to make a 6 pounder out on.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span></p> + +<p>wal, Hosea he com home considerabal riled, and +arter I d gone to bed I heern Him a thrashin round +like a short-tailed Bull in fli-time. The old Woman +ses she to me ses she, Zekle, ses she, our Hosee's gut +the chollery or suthin anuther ses she, don't you Bee +skeered, ses I, he's oney amakin pottery<a name="FNanchor_4_4" id="FNanchor_4_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a> ses i, he's +ollers on hand at that ere busynes like Da & martin, +and shure enuf, cum mornin, Hosy he cum down stares +full chizzle, hare on eend and cote tales flyin, and sot +rite of to go reed his varses to Parson Wilbur bein +he haint aney grate shows o' book larnin himself, +bimeby he cum back and sed the parson wuz dreffle +tickled with 'em as i hoop you will Be, and said they +wuz True grit.</p> + +<p>Hosea ses taint hardly fair to call 'em hisn now, +cos the parson kind o' slicked off sum o' the last varses, +but he told Hosee he didn't want to put his ore in to +tetch to the Rest on 'em, bein they wuz verry well +As thay wuz, and then Hosy ses he sed suthin a nuther +about Simplex Mundishes or sum sech feller, but I +guess Hosea kind o' didn't hear him, for I never hearn +o' nobody o' that name in this villadge, and I've lived +here man and boy 76 year cum next tater diggin, and +thair aint no wheres a kitting spryer 'n I be.</p> + +<p>If you print 'em I wish you'd jest let folks know<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span> +who hosy's father is, cos my ant Keziah used to say it's +nater to be curus ses she, she aint livin though and +he's a likely kind o' lad.</p> + +<p class="author">EZEKIEL BIGLOW.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<div class="cpoem25"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Thrash away, you 'll <i>hev</i> to rattle<br /></span> +<span class="i2">On them kittle drums o' yourn,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'Taint a knowin' kind o' cattle<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Thet is ketched with mouldy corn;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Put in stiff, you fifer feller,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Let folks see how spry you be,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Guess you 'll toot till you are yeller<br /></span> +<span class="i2">'Fore you git ahold o' me!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Thet air flag 's a leetle rotten,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Hope it aint your Sunday's best;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fact! it takes a sight o' cotton<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To stuff out a soger's chest:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sence we farmers hev to pay fer 't,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Ef you must wear humps like these,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sposin' you should try salt hay fer 't,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">It would du ez slick ez grease.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">'T would n't suit them Southern fellers,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">They 're a dreffle graspin' set,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We must ollers blow the bellers<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Wen they want their irons het;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">May be it 's all right ez preachin',<br /></span> +<span class="i2">But <i>my</i> narves it kind o' grates,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen I see the overreachin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">O' them nigger-drivin' States.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Them thet rule us, them slave-traders,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Haint they cut a thunderin' swarth<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(Helped by Yankee renegaders),<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Thru the vartu o' the North!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We begin to think it 's nater<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To take sarse an' not be riled;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who 'd expect to see a tater<br /></span> +<span class="i2">All on eend at bein' biled?<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Ez fer war, I call it murder,—<br /></span> +<span class="i2">There you hev it plain an' flat;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I don't want to go no furder<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Than my Testyment fer that;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">God hez sed so plump an' fairly,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">It 's ez long ez it is broad,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' you 've gut to git up airly<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Ef you want to take in God.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">'Taint your eppyletts an' feathers<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Make the thing a grain more right;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Taint afollerin' your bell-wethers<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Will excuse ye in His sight;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef you take a sword an' dror it,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' go stick a feller thru,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Guv'ment aint to answer for it,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">God 'll send the bill to you.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Wut 's the use o' meetin-goin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Every Sabbath, wet or dry,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef it 's right to go amowin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Feller-men like oats an' rye?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I dunno but wut it's pooty<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Trainin' round in bobtail coats,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But it 's curus Christian dooty<br /></span> +<span class="i2">This ere cuttin' folks's throats.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">They may talk o' Freedom's airy<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Tell they 're pupple in the face,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It 's a grand gret cemetary<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Fer the barthrights of our race;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They jest want this Californy<br /></span> +<span class="i2">So 's to lug new slave-states in<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To abuse ye, an' to scorn ye,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' to plunder ye like sin.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Aint it cute to see a Yankee<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Take sech everlastin' pains<br /></span> +<span class="i0">All to git the Devil's thankee,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Helpin' on 'em weld their chains?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wy, it 's jest ez clear ez figgers,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Clear ez one an' one make two,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Chaps thet make black slaves o' niggers<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Want to make wite slaves o' you.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Tell ye jest the eend I've come to<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Arter cipherin' plaguy smart,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' it makes a handy sum, tu,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Any gump could larn by heart;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Laborin' man an' laborin' woman<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Hev one glory an' one shame,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ev'y thin' thet 's done inhuman<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Injers all on 'em the same.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">'Taint by turnin' out to hack folks<br /></span> +<span class="i2">You 're agoin' to git your right,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nor by lookin' down on black folks<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Coz you 're put upon by wite;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Slavery aint o' nary colour,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">'Taint the hide thet makes it wus,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">All it keers fer in a feller<br /></span> +<span class="i2">'S jest to make him fill its pus.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Want to tackle <i>me</i> in, du ye?<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I expect you 'll hev to wait;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen cold lead puts daylight thru ye<br /></span> +<span class="i2">You 'll begin to kal'late;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'Spose the crows wun't fall to pickin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">All the carkiss from your bones,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Coz you helped to give a lickin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To them poor half-Spanish drones?<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Jest go home an' ask our Nancy<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Wether I'd be sech a goose<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ez to jine ye,—guess you'd fancy<br /></span> +<span class="i2">The etarnal bung wuz loose!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">She wants me fer home consumption,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Let alone the hay 's to mow,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef you 're arter folks o' gumption,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">You've a darned long row to hoe.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Take them editors thet 's crowin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Like a cockerel three months old,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Don't ketch any on 'em goin',<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Though they <i>be</i> so blasted bold;<br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>Aint</i> they a prime set o' fellers?<br /></span> +<span class="i2">'Fore they think on 't they will sprout<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(Like a peach thet's got the yellers),<br /></span> +<span class="i2">With the meanness bustin' out.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Wal, go 'long to help 'em stealin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Bigger pens to cram with slaves,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Help the men thet 's ollers dealin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Insults on your fathers' graves;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Help the strong to grind the feeble,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Help the many agin the few,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Help the men thet call your people<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Witewashed slaves an' peddlin' crew!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Massachusetts, God forgive her,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">She's akneelin' with the rest,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">She, thet ough' to ha' clung fer ever<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In her grand old eagle-nest;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">She thet ough' to stand so fearless<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Wile the wracks are round her hurled,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Holdin' up a beacon peerless<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To the oppressed of all the world!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Haint they sold your coloured seamen?<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Haint they made your env'ys wiz?<br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>Wut</i> 'll make ye act like freemen?<br /></span> +<span class="i2"><i>Wut</i> 'll git your dander riz?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Come, I'll tell ye wut I 'm thinkin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Is our dooty in this fix,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They 'd ha' done 't ez quick ez winkin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In the days o' seventy-six.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Clang the bells in every steeple,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Call all true men to disown<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The tradoocers of our people,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">The enslavers o' their own;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Let our dear old Bay State proudly<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Put the trumpet to her mouth,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Let her ring this messidge loudly<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In the ears of all the South:—<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"I 'll return ye good fer evil<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Much ez we frail mortils can,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But I wun't go help the Devil<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Makin' man the cus o' man;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Call me coward, call me traiter,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Jest ez suits your mean idees,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Here I stand a tyrant-hater,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' the friend o' God an Peace!"<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Ef I'd <i>my</i> way I hed ruther<br /></span> +<span class="i2">We should go to work an' part,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They take one way, we take t'other,—<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Guess it would n't break my heart;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Men hed ough' to put asunder<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Them thet God has noways jined;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' I should n't gretly wonder<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Ef there 's thousands o' my mind.<br /></span> +</div></div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></p> + +<div class="hw"><p>[The first recruiting sergeant on record I conceive to have +been that individual who is mentioned in the Book of Job as +<i>going to and fro in the earth, and walking up and down in it</i>. +Bishop Latimer will have him to have been a bishop, but to +me that other calling would appear more congenial. The sect +of Cainites is not yet extinct, who esteemed the first-born of +Adam to be the most worthy, not only because of that privilege +of primogeniture, but inasmuch as he was able to overcome +and slay his younger brother. That was a wise saying of the +famous Marquis Pescara to the Papal Legate, that <i>it was impossible +for men to serve Mars and Christ at the same time</i>. +Yet in time past the profession of arms was judged to be <span title="kat' exochên">κατ' ἐξοχήν</span> +that of a gentleman, nor does this opinion want for +strenuous upholders even in our day. Must we suppose, then, +that the profession of Christianity was only intended for losels, +or, at best, to afford an opening for plebeian ambition? Or +shall we hold with that nicely metaphysical Pomeranian, +Captain Vratz, who was Count Königsmark's chief instrument +in the murder of Mr. Thynne, that the scheme of salvation +has been arranged with an especial eye to the necessities of the +upper classes, and that "God would consider <i>a gentleman</i>, and +deal with him suitably to the condition and profession he had +placed him in"? It may be said of us all, <i>Exemplo plus quam +ratione vivimus</i>.—H. W.]</p></div> + + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_4_4"><span class="label">[4]</span></a> <i>Aut insanit, aut versus facit.</i>—H. W.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="No_II" id="No_II"></a>No. II.</h2> + +<h3>A LETTER</h3> + +<p class="hdtt">FROM MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE HON. J. T. BUCKINGHAM, +EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, COVERING A LETTER FROM +MR. B. SAWIN, PRIVATE IN THE MASSACHUSETTS REGIMENT.</p> + + +<div class="hw"><p>[This letter of Mr. Sawin's was not originally written in +verse. Mr. Biglow, thinking it peculiarly susceptible of +metrical adornment, translated it, so to speak, into his own +vernacular tongue. This is not the time to consider the +question, whether rhyme be a mode of expression natural to +the human race. If leisure from other and more important +avocations be granted, I will handle the matter more at large +in an appendix to the present volume. In this place I will +barely remark, that I have sometimes noticed in the unlanguaged +prattlings of infants a fondness for alliteration, +assonance, and even rhyme, in which natural predisposition we +may trace the three degrees through which our Anglo-Saxon +verse rose to its culmination in the poetry of Pope. I would +not be understood as questioning in these remarks that pious +theory which supposes that children, if left entirely to themselves, +would naturally discourse in Hebrew. For this the +authority of one experiment is claimed, and I could, with Sir +Thomas Browne, desire its establishment, inasmuch as the +acquirement of that sacred tongue would thereby be facilitated. +I am aware that Herodotus states the conclusion of Psammiticus +to have been in favour of a dialect of the Phrygian.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> +But, beside the chance that a trial of this importance would +hardly be blessed to a Pagan monarch whose only motive was +curiosity, we have on the Hebrew side the comparatively +recent investigation of James the Fourth of Scotland. I will +add to this prefatory remark, that Mr. Sawin, though a native +of Jaalam, has never been a stated attendant on the religious +exercises of my congregation. I consider my humble efforts +prospered in that not one of my sheep hath ever indued the +wolf's clothing of war, save for the comparatively innocent +diversion of a militia training. Not that my flock are backward +to undergo the hardships of <i>defensive</i> warfare. They serve +cheerfully in the great army which fights even unto death <i>pro +aris et focis</i>, accoutred with the spade, the axe, the plane, the +sledge, the spelling-book, and other such effectual weapons +against want and ignorance and unthrift. I have taught them +(under God) to esteem our human institutions as but tents of +a night, to be stricken whenever Truth puts the bugle to her +lips, and sounds a march to the heights of wider-viewed intelligence +and more perfect organization.—H. W.]</p></div> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Mister Buckinum</span>, the follerin Billet was writ hum +by a Yung feller of our town that wuz cussed fool +enuff to goe atrottin inter Miss Chiff arter a Drum +and fife. it ain't Nater for a feller to let on that he's +sick o' any bizness that He went intu off his own free +will and a Cord, but I rather cal'late he's middlin tired +o' Voluntearin By this Time. I bleeve u may put dependunts +on his statemence. For I never heered nothin +bad on him let Alone his havin what Parson Wilbur +calls a <i>pongshong</i> for cocktales, and he ses it wuz a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> +soshiashun of idees sot him agoin arter the Crootin +Sargient cos he wore a cocktale onto his hat.</p> + +<p>his Folks gin the letter to me and i shew it to parson +Wilbur and he ses it oughter Bee printed. send It to +mister Buckinum, ses he, i don't ollers agree with him, +ses he, but by Time,<a name="FNanchor_5_5" id="FNanchor_5_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_5_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a> ses he, I <i>du</i> like a feller that ain't +a Feared.</p> + +<p>I have intusspussed a Few refleckshuns hear and +thair. We're kind o' prest with Hayin.</p> + +<p class="sign1">Ewers respecfly,<br /> +HOSEA BIGLOW.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<div class="cpoem40"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">This kind o' sogerin' aint a mite like our October trainin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A chap could clear right out from there ef 't only looked like rainin'.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' th' Cunnles, tu, could kiver up their shappoes with bandanners,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span> +<span class="i0">An' send the insines skootin' to the bar-room with their banners<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(Fear o' gittin' on 'em spotted), an' a feller could cry quarter<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef he fired away his ramrod arter tu much rum an' water.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Recollect wut fun we hed, you 'n I an' Ezry Hollis,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Up there to Waltham plain last fall, ahavin' the Cornwallis?<a name="FNanchor_6_6" id="FNanchor_6_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_6_6" class="fnanchor">[6]</a><br /></span> +<span class="i0">This sort o' thing aint <i>jest</i> like thet,—I wish thet I wuz furder,—<a name="FNanchor_7_7" id="FNanchor_7_7"></a><a href="#Footnote_7_7" class="fnanchor">[7]</a><br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nimepunce a day fer killin' folks comes kind o' low fer murder<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(Wy I 've worked out to slarterin' some fer Deacon Cephas Billins,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' in the hardest times there wuz I ollers tetched ten shillins),<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There's sutthin' gits into my throat thet makes it hard to swaller,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It comes so nateral to think about a hempen collar;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It 's glory,—but, in spite o' all my tryin' to git callous,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I feel a kind o' in a cart, aridin' to the gallus.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But wen it comes to <i>bein'</i> killed,—I tell ye I felt streaked<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span> +<span class="i0">The fust time ever I found out wy baggonets wuz peaked;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Here's how it wuz: I started out to go to a fandango,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The sentinul he ups an' sez, "Thet 's furder 'an you can go."<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"None o' your sarse," sez I; sez he, "Stan' back!" "Aint you a buster?"<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sez I, "I 'm up to all thet air, I guess I've ben to muster;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I know wy sentinuls air sot; you aint agoin' to eat us;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Caleb haint no monopoly to court the seenoreetas;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">My folks to hum air full ez good ez hisn be, by golly!"<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' so ez I wuz goin' by, not thinkin' wut would folly,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The everlastin' cus he stuck his one-pronged pitchfork in me<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' made a hole right thru my close ez ef I wuz an in'my.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wal, it beats all how big I felt hoorawin' in ole Funnel<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen Mister Bolles he gin the sword to our Leftenant Cunnle<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(It 's Mister Secondary Bolles,<a name="FNanchor_8_8" id="FNanchor_8_8"></a><a href="#Footnote_8_8" class="fnanchor">[8]</a> thet writ the prize peace essay;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Thet 's wy he did n't list himself along o us, I dessay),<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' Rantoul, tu, talked pooty loud, but don't put <i>his</i> foot in it,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Coz human life 's so sacred thet he 's principled agin' it,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Though I myself can 't rightly see it 's any wus achokin' on 'em<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Than puttin' bullets thru their lights, or with a bagnet pokin' on 'em;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">How dreffle slick he reeled it off (like Blitz at our lyceum<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ahaulin' ribbins from his chops so quick you skeercely see 'em),<br /></span> +<span class="i0">About the Anglo-Saxon race (an' saxons would be handy<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To du the buryin' down here upon the Rio Grandy),<br /></span> +<span class="i0">About our patriotic pas an' our star-spangled banner,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Our country's bird alookin' on an' singin' out hosanner,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' how he (Mister B. himself) wuz happy fer Ameriky,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I felt, ez sister Patience sez, a leetle mite histericky.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I felt, I swon, ez though it wuz a dreffle kind o' privilege<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Atrampin' round thru Boston streets among the gutter's drivelage;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span> +<span class="i0">I act'lly thought it wuz a treat to hear a little drummin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' it did bonyfidy seem millanyum wuz acomin'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen all on us got suits (darned like them wore in the state prison)<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' every feller felt ez though all Mexico wuz hisn.<a name="FNanchor_9_9" id="FNanchor_9_9"></a><a href="#Footnote_9_9" class="fnanchor">[9]</a><br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">This 'ere 's about the meanest place a skunk could wal diskiver<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(Saltillo 's Mexican, I b'lieve, fer wut we call Saltriver).<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The sort o' trash a feller gits to eat doos beat all nater,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'd give a year's pay fer a smell o' one good bluenose tater;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The country here thet Mister Bolles declared to be so charmin'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Throughout is swarmin' with the most alarmin' kind o' varmin'.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He talked about delishis froots, but then it wuz a wopper all,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The holl on't 's mud an' prickly pears, with here an' there a chapparal;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span> +<span class="i0">You see a feller peekin' out, an', fust you know, a lariat<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Is round your throat an' you a copse, 'fore you can say, "Wut air ye at?"<a name="FNanchor_10_10" id="FNanchor_10_10"></a><a href="#Footnote_10_10" class="fnanchor">[10]</a><br /></span> +<span class="i0">You never see sech darned gret bugs (it may not be irrelevant<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To say I 've seen a <i>scarabæus pilularius</i><a name="FNanchor_11_11" id="FNanchor_11_11"></a><a href="#Footnote_11_11" class="fnanchor">[11]</a> big ez a year old elephant),<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The rigiment come up one day in time to stop a red bug<br /></span> +<span class="i0">From runnin' off with Cunnle Wright,—'t wuz jest a common <i>cimex lectularius</i>.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">One night I started up on eend an' thought I wuz to hum agin,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I heern a horn, thinks I it 's Sol the fisherman hez come agin,<br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>His</i> bellowses is sound enough,—ez I 'm a livin' creeter,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I felt a thing go thru my leg,—'t wuz nothin' more 'n a skeeter!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then there 's the yaller fever, tu, they call it here el vomito,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(Come, thet wun't du, you landcrab there, I tell ye to le' <i>go</i> my toe!<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span> +<span class="i0">My gracious! it 's a scorpion thet 's took a shine to play with 't,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I dars n't skeer the tarnal thing fer fear he 'd run away with 't.)<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Afore I come away from hum I hed a strong persuasion<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet Mexicans worn't human beans,<a name="FNanchor_12_12" id="FNanchor_12_12"></a><a href="#Footnote_12_12" class="fnanchor">[12]</a>—an ourang outang nation,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A sort o' folks a chap could kill an' never dream on 't arter,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">No more 'n a feller 'd dream o' pigs thet he hed hed to slarter;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'd an idee thet they were built arter the darkie fashion all,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' kickin' coloured folks about, you know, 's a kind o' national;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But wen I jined I worn't so wise ez thet air queen o' Sheby,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer, come to look at 'em, they aint much diff'rent from wut we be,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' here we air ascrougin' 'em out o' thir own dominions,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ashelterin' 'em, ez Caleb sez, under our eagle's pinions,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wich means to take a feller up jest by the slack o' 's trowsis<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span> +<span class="i0">An' walk him Spanish clean right out o' all his homes an' houses;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wal, it doos seem a curus way, but then hooraw fer Jackson!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It must be right, fer Caleb sez it 's reg'lar Anglosaxon.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Mex'cans don't fight fair, they say, they piz'n all the water,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' du amazin' lots o' things thet is n't wut they ough' to;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Bein' they haint no lead, they make their bullets out o' copper<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' shoot the darned things at us, tu, wich Caleb sez aint proper;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He sez they 'd ough' to stan' right up an' let us pop 'em fairly<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(Guess wen he ketches 'em at thet he 'll hev to git up airly),<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet our nation 's bigger 'n theirn an' so its rights air bigger,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' thet it 's all to make 'em free thet we air pullin' trigger,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet Anglo Saxondom's idee 's abreakin' 'em to pieces,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' thet idee 's thet every man doos jest wut he damn pleases;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef I don't make his meanin' clear, perhaps in some respex I can,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> +<span class="i0">I know thet "every man" don't mean a nigger or a Mexican;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' there 's another thing I know, an' thet is, ef these creeturs,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet stick an Anglosaxon mask onto State-prison feeturs,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Should come to Jaalam Centre fer to argify an' spout on 't,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The gals 'ould count the silver spoons the minnit they cleared out on 't.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">This goin' ware glory waits ye haint one agreeable feetur,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' ef it worn't fer wakin' snakes, I 'd home agin short meter;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O, would n't I be off, quick time, ef 't worn't thet I wuz sartin<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They 'd let the daylight into me to pay me fer desartin!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I don't approve o' tellin' tales, but jest to you I may state<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Our ossifers aint wut they wuz afore they left the Bay-state;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then it wuz "Mister Sawin, sir, you 're middlin' well now, be ye?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Step up an' take a nipper, sir; I 'm dreffle glad to see ye;"<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span> +<span class="i0">But now it 's "Ware 's my eppylet? here, Sawin, step an' fetch it!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' mind your eye, be thund'rin' spry, or, damn ye, you shall ketch it!"<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wal, ez the Doctor sez, some pork will bile so, but by mighty,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef I hed some on 'em to hum, I 'd give 'em linkum vity,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'd play the rogue's march on their hides an' other music follerin'——<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But I must close my letter here, for one on 'em 's ahollerin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">These Anglosaxon ossifers,—wal, taint no use ajawin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'm safe enlisted fer the war,<br /></span> +</div></div></div> + + +<p class="sign1">Yourn,<br /> +BIRDOFREDOM SAWIN.</p> + + +<div class="hw"><p>[Those have not been wanting (as, indeed, when hath Satan +been to seek for attorneys?) who have maintained that our +late inroad upon Mexico was undertaken, not so much for the +avenging of any national quarrel, as for the spreading of free +institutions and of Protestantism. <i>Capita vix duabus Anticyris +medenda!</i> Verily I admire that no pious sergeant among +these new Crusaders beheld Martin Luther riding at the front +of the host upon a tamed pontifical bull, as, in that former invasion +of Mexico, the zealous Diaz (spawn though he were of +the Scarlet Woman) was favoured with a vision of St. James +of Compostella, skewering the infidels upon his apostolical<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span> +lance. We read, also, that Richard of the lion heart, having +gone to Palestine on a similar errand of mercy, was divinely +encouraged to cut the throats of such Paynims as refused to +swallow the bread of life (doubtless that they might be thereafter +incapacitated for swallowing the filthy gobbets of Mahound) +by angels of heaven, who cried to the king and his +knights,—<i>Seigneurs, tuez! tuez!</i> providentially using the +French tongue, as being the only one understood by their +auditors. This would argue for the pantoglottism of these +celestial intelligences, while, on the other hand, the Devil, +<i>teste</i> Cotton Mather, is unversed in certain of the Indian +dialects. Yet must he be a semeiologist the most expert, +making himself intelligible to every people and kindred by +signs; no other discourse, indeed, being needful, than such as +the mackerel-fisher holds with his finned quarry, who, if other +bait be wanting, can by a bare bit of white rag at the end of +a string captivate those foolish fishes. Such piscatorial +oratory is Satan cunning in. Before one he trails a hat and +feather, or a bare feather without a hat; before another, a +Presidential chair, or a tidewaiter's stool, or a pulpit in the +city, no matter what. To us, dangling there over our heads, +they seem junkets dropped out of the seventh heaven, sops +dipped in nectar, but, once in our mouths, they are all one, +bits of fuzzy cotton.</p> + +<p>This, however, by the way. It is time now <i>revocare gradum</i>. +While so many miracles of this sort, vouched by eye-witnesses, +have encouraged the arms of Papists, not to speak of those +<i>Dioscuri</i> (whom we must conclude imps of the pit) who sundry +times captained the pagan Roman soldiery, it is strange that +our first American crusade was not in some such wise also +signalized. Yet it is said that the Lord hath manifestly prospered +our armies. This opens the question, whether, when +our hands are strengthened to make great slaughter of our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span> +enemies, it be absolutely and demonstratively certain that this +might is added to us from above, or whether some Potentate +from an opposite quarter may not have a finger in it, as there +are few pies into which his meddling digits are not thrust. +Would the Sanctifier and Setter-apart of the seventh day have +assisted in a victory gained on the Sabbath, as was one in the +late war? Or has that day become less an object of his especial +care since the year 1697, when so manifest a providence +occurred to Mr. William Trowbridge, in answer to whose +prayers, when he and all on shipboard with him were starving, +a dolphin was sent daily, "which was enough to serve +'em; only on <i>Saturdays</i> they still catched a couple, and on the +<i>Lord's Days</i> they could catch none at all"? Haply they might +have been permitted, by way of mortification, to take some few +sculpins (those banes of the salt-water angler), which unseemly +fish would, moreover, have conveyed to them a symbolical reproof +for their breach of the day, being known in the rude +dialect of our mariners as <i>Cape Cod Clergymen</i>.</p> + +<p>It has been a refreshment to many nice consciences to know +that our Chief Magistrate would not regard with eyes of approval +the (by many esteemed) sinful pastime of dancing, and +I own myself to be so far of that mind, that I could not but +set my face against this Mexican Polka, though danced to the +Presidential piping with a Gubernatorial second. If ever the +country should be seized with another such mania <i>de propagandâ +fide</i>, I think it would be wise to fill our bombshells with +alternate copies of the Cambridge Platform and the Thirty-nine +Articles, which would produce a mixture of the highest +explosive power, and to wrap every one of our cannon-balls in +a leaf of the New Testament, the reading of which is denied +to those who sit in the darkness of Popery. Those iron evangelists +would thus be able to disseminate vital religion and +Gospel truth in quarters inaccessible to the ordinary missionary.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span> +I have seen lads, unimpregnate with the more sublimated +punctiliousness of Walton, secure pickerel, taking +their unwary <i>siesta</i> beneath the lily-pads too nigh the surface, +with a gun and small shot. Why not, then, since gunpowder +was unknown to the apostles (not to enter here upon the +question whether it were discovered before that period by the +Chinese), suit our metaphor to the age in which we live, and +say <i>shooters</i> as well as <i>fishers</i> of men?</p> + +<p>I do much fear that we shall be seized now and then with a +Protestant fervour, as long as we have neighbour Naboths whose +wallowings in Papistical mire excite our horror in exact proportion +to the size and desirableness of their vineyards. Yet +I rejoice that some earnest Protestants have been made by this +war,—I mean those who protested against it. Fewer they +were than I could wish, for one might imagine America to +have been colonized by a tribe of those nondescript African +animals the Aye-Ayes, so difficult a word is <i>No</i> to us all. +There is some malformation or defect of the vocal organs, +which either prevents our uttering it at all, or gives it so thick +a pronunciation as to be unintelligible. A mouth filled with +the national pudding, or watering in expectation thereof, is +wholly incompetent to this refractory monosyllable. An abject +and herpetic Public Opinion is the Pope, the Anti-Christ, for +us to protest against <i>e corde cordium</i>. And by what College +of Cardinals is this our God's-vicar, our binder and looser, +elected? Very like, by the sacred conclave of Tag, Rag, and +Bobtail, the gracious atmosphere of the grog-shop. Yet it +is of this that we must all be puppets. This thumps the +pulpit-cushion, this guides the editor's pen, this wags the +senator's tongue. This decides what Scriptures are canonical, +and shuffles Christ away into the Apocrypha. According to +that sentence fathered upon Solon, <span title="Houtô dêmosion kakon erchetai oikad' hekastô">Οὕτω δημόσιον κακὸν ἔρχεται οἴκαδ' ἑκάστῳ</span>. +This unclean spirit is skilful to assume<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span> +various shapes. I have known it to enter my own study and +nudge my elbow of a Saturday, under the semblance of a +wealthy member of my congregation. It were a great blessing, +if every particular of what in the sum we call popular +sentiment could carry about the name of its manufacturer +stamped legibly upon it. I gave a stab under the fifth rib to +that pestilent fallacy,—"Our country, right or wrong,"—by +tracing its original to a speech of Ensign Cilley at a dinner of +the Bungtown Fencibles.—H. W.]</p></div> + + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_5_5" id="Footnote_5_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_5_5"><span class="label">[5]</span></a> In relation to this expression, I cannot but think that Mr. Biglow has +been too hasty in attributing it to me. Though Time be a comparatively +innocent personage to swear by, and though Longinus in his discourse +<span title="Peri Hypsous">Περι Ὕψους</span> has commended timely oaths as not only a useful but sublime +figure of speech, yet I have always kept my lips free from that abomination. +<i>Odi profanum vulgus</i>, I hate your swearing and hectoring fellows.—H. W.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_6_6" id="Footnote_6_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_6_6"><span class="label">[6]</span></a> i hait the Site of a feller with a muskit as I du pizn But their <i>is</i> fun +to a cornwallis I aint agoin' to deny it.—H. B.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_7_7" id="Footnote_7_7"></a><a href="#FNanchor_7_7"><span class="label">[7]</span></a> he means Not quite so fur i guess.—H. B.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_8_8" id="Footnote_8_8"></a><a href="#FNanchor_8_8"><span class="label">[8]</span></a> the ignerant creeter means Sekketary; but he ollers stuck to his +books like cobbler's wax to an ile-stone.—H. B.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_9_9" id="Footnote_9_9"></a><a href="#FNanchor_9_9"><span class="label">[9]</span></a> it must be aloud that thare 's a streak o' nater in lovin' sho, but it +sartinly is 1 of the curusest things in nater to see a rispecktable dri goods +dealer (deekon off a chutch mayby) a riggin' himself out in the Weigh +they du and struttin' round in the Reign aspilin' his trowsis and makin' +wet goods of himself. Ef any thin 's foolisher and moor dicklus than +militerry gloary it is milishy gloary.—H. B.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_10_10" id="Footnote_10_10"></a><a href="#FNanchor_10_10"><span class="label">[10]</span></a> these fellers are verry proppilly called Rank Heroes, and the more tha +kill the ranker and more Herowick tha bekum.—H. B.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_11_11" id="Footnote_11_11"></a><a href="#FNanchor_11_11"><span class="label">[11]</span></a> it wuz "tumblebug" as he Writ it, but the parson put the Latten +instid. i sed tother maid better meeter, but he said tha was eddykated +peepl to Boston and tha would n't stan' it no how. idnow as tha <i>wood</i> +and idnow <i>as</i> tha wood.—H. B.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_12_12" id="Footnote_12_12"></a><a href="#FNanchor_12_12"><span class="label">[12]</span></a> he means human beins, that 's wut he means. i spose he kinder +thought tha wuz human beans ware the Xisle Poles comes from.—H. B.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="No_III" id="No_III"></a>No. III.</h2> + +<h3>WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS.</h3> + + + +<div class="hw"><p>[A few remarks on the following verses will not be out of +place. The satire in them was not meant to have any personal, +but only a general, application. Of the gentleman upon whose +letter they were intended as a commentary Mr. Biglow had +never heard, till he saw the letter itself. The position of the +satirist is oftentimes one which he would not have chosen had +the election been left to himself. In attacking bad principles, +he is obliged to select some individual who has made himself +their exponent, and in whom they are impersonate, to the end +that what he says may not, through ambiguity, be dissipated +<i>tenues in auras</i>. For what says Seneca? <i>Longum iter per +præcepta, breve et efficace per exempla.</i> A bad principle is +comparatively harmless while it continues to be an abstraction, +nor can the general mind comprehend it fully till it is printed +in that large type which all men can read at sight, namely, the +life and character, the sayings and doings, of particular persons. +It is one of the cunningest fetches of Satan, that he never exposes +himself directly to our arrows, but, still dodging behind +this neighbour or that acquaintance, compels us to wound +him through them, if at all. He holds our affections as +hostages, the while he patches up a truce with our conscience.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile, let us not forget that the aim of the true satirist +is not to be severe upon persons, but only upon falsehood: and, +as Truth and Falsehood start from the same point, and sometimes +even go along together for a little way, his business is to +follow the path of the latter after it diverges, and to show her +floundering in the bog at the end of it. Truth is quite beyond<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span> +the reach of satire. There is so brave a simplicity in her, that +she can no more be made ridiculous than an oak or a pine. +The danger of the satirist is, that continual use may deaden +his sensibility to the force of language. He becomes more and +more liable to strike harder than he knows or intends. He +may be careful to put on his boxing-gloves, and yet forget, +that, the older they grow, the more plainly may the knuckles +inside be felt. Moreover, in the heat of contest, the eye is +insensibly drawn to the crown of victory, whose tawdry tinsel +glitters through that dust of the ring which obscures Truth's +wreath of simple leaves. I have sometimes thought that my +young friend, Mr. Biglow, needed a monitory hand laid on his +arm,—<i>aliquid sufflaminandus erat</i>. I have never thought it +good husbandry to water the tender plants of reform with <i>aqua +fortis</i>, yet, where so much is to do in the beds, he were a sorry +gardener who should wage a whole day's war with an iron +scuffle on those ill weeds that make the garden-walks of life +unsightly, when a sprinkle of Attic salt will wither them up. +<i>Est ars etiam maledicendi</i>, says Scaliger, and truly it is a hard +thing to say where the graceful gentleness of the lamb merges +in downright sheepishness. We may conclude with worthy +and wise Dr. Fuller, that "one may be a lamb in private +wrongs, but in hearing general affronts to goodness they are +asses which are not lions."—H. W.]</p></div> + +<div class="cpoem30"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Guvener B. is a sensible man;<br /></span> +<span class="i2">He stays to his home an' looks arter his folks;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He draws his furrer ez straight ez he can,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' into nobody's tater-patch pokes;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">But John P.<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">My! aint it terrible? Wut shall we du?<br /></span> +<span class="i2">We can't never choose him, o' course,—thet 's flat;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Guess we shall hev to come round, (don't you?)<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' go in fer thunder an' guns, an' all that;<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Fer John P.<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Gineral C. is a dreffle smart man:<br /></span> +<span class="i2">He 's ben on all sides thet give places or pelf;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But consistency still wuz a part of his plan,—<br /></span> +<span class="i2">He 's ben true to <i>one</i> party,—an' thet is himself;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">So John P.<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Gineral C. he goes in fer the war;<br /></span> +<span class="i2">He don't vally principle more 'n an old cud;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wut did God make us raytional creeturs fer,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">But glory an' gunpowder, plunder an' blood?<br /></span> +<span class="i6">So John P.<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">We were gittin' on nicely up here to our village,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">With good old idees o' wut 's right an' wut aint,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' thet eppyletts worn't the best mark of a saint;<br /></span> +<span class="i6">But John P.<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez this kind o' thing 's an exploded idee.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The side of our country must ollers be took,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' Presidunt Polk, you know, <i>he</i> is our country;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' the angel thet writes all our sins in a book<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Puts the <i>debit</i> to him, an' to us the <i>per contry</i>;<br /></span> +<span class="i6">An' John P.<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez this is his view o' the thing to a T.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Parson Wilbur he calls all these argimunts lies;<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Sez they 're nothin' on airth but jest <i>fee, faw, fum</i>;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' thet all this big talk of our destinies<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Is half on it ignorance, an' t'other half rum;<br /></span> +<span class="i6">But John P.<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez it aint no sech thing; an', of course, so must we.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Parson Wilbur sez <i>he</i> never heerd in his life<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Thet th' Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' marched round in front of a drum an' a fife,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To git some on 'em office, an' some on 'em votes;<br /></span> +<span class="i6">But John P.<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez they did n't know everythin' down in Judee.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Wal, it 's a marcy we 've gut folks to tell us<br /></span> +<span class="i2">The rights an' the wrongs o' these matters, I vow,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">God sends country lawyers, an' other wise fellers,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To drive the world's team wen it gits in a slough;<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Fer John P.<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez the world 'll go right, ef he hollers out Gee!<br /></span> +</div></div></div> + +<div class="hw"><p>[The attentive reader will doubtless have perceived in the +foregoing poem an allusion to that pernicious sentiment,—"Our +country, right or wrong." It is an abuse of language to call +a certain portion of land much more certain personages +elevated for the time being to high station, our country. I +would not sever nor loosen a single one of those ties by which +we are united to the spot of our birth, nor minish by a tittle +the respect due to the Magistrate. I love our own Bay State +too well to do the one, and as for the other, I have myself for +nigh forty years exercised, however unworthily, the function +of Justice of the Peace, having been called thereto by the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span> +unsolicited kindness of that most excellent man and upright +patriot, Caleb Strong. <i>Patriæ fumus igne alieno luculentior</i> is +best qualified with this,—<i>Ubi libertas, ibi patria</i>. We are inhabitants +of two worlds, and owe a double, but not a divided, +allegiance. In virtue of our clay, this little ball of earth exacts +a certain loyalty of us; while, in our capacity as spirits, we are +admitted citizens of an invisible and holier fatherland. There +is a patriotism of the soul whose claim absolves us from our +other and terrene fealty. Our true country is that ideal realm +which we represent to ourselves under the names of religion, +duty, and the like. Our terrestrial organizations are but far-off +approaches to so fair a model, and all they are verily +traitors who resist not any attempt to divert them from this +their original intendment. When, therefore, one would have +us to fling up our caps and shout with the multitude,—"<i>Our +country, however bounded!</i>" he demands of us that we sacrifice +the larger to the less, the higher to the lower, and that we +yield to the imaginary claims of a few acres of soil our duty +and privilege as liegemen of Truth. Our true country is +bounded on the north and the south, on the east and the west, +by Justice, and when she oversteps that invisible boundary-line +by so much as a hair's-breadth, she ceases to be our +mother, and chooses rather to be looked upon <i>quasi noverca</i>. +That is a hard choice, when our earthly love of country calls +upon us to tread one path and our duty points us to another. +We must make as noble and becoming an election as did +Penelope between Icarius and Ulysses. Veiling our faces, we +must take silently the hand of Duty to follow her.</p> + +<p>Shortly after the publication of the foregoing poem, there +appeared some comments upon it in one of the public prints +which seemed to call for some animadversion. I accordingly +addressed to Mr. Buckingham, of the <i>Boston Courier</i>, the following +letter.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span></p> + +<p class="date2">"<span class="smcap">Jaalam</span>, November 4, 1847.</p> + +<p>"<i>To the Editor of the Courier:</i></p> + +<p>"<span class="smcap">Respected Sir</span>,—Calling at the post-office this morning, +our worthy and efficient postmaster offered for my perusal a +paragraph in the Boston Morning Post of the 3d instant, +wherein certain effusions of the pastoral muse are attributed +to the pen of Mr. James Russell Lowell. For ought I know +or can affirm to the contrary, this Mr. Lowell may be a very +deserving person and a youth of parts (though I have seen +verses of his which I could never rightly understand); and if +he be such, he, I am certain, as well as I, would be free from +any proclivity to appropriate to himself whatever of credit (or +discredit) may honestly belong to another. I am confident, +that, in penning these few lines, I am only forestalling a disclaimer +from that young gentleman, whose silence hitherto, +when rumour pointed to himward, has excited in my bosom +mingled emotions of sorrow and surprise. Well may my +young parishioner, Mr. Biglow, exclaim with the poet,</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"'Sic vos non vobis' &c.;<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>though, in saying this, I would not convey the impression that +he is a proficient in the Latin tongue,—the tongue, I might +add, of a Horace and a Tully.</p> + +<p>"Mr. B. does not employ his pen, I can safely say, for any +lucre of worldly gain, or to be exalted by the carnal plaudits of +men, <i>digito monstrari</i>, &c. He does not wait upon Providence +for mercies, and in his heart mean <i>merces</i>. But I should +esteem myself as verily deficient in my duty (who am his friend +and in some unworthy sort his spiritual <i>fidus Achates</i>, &c.), if +I did not step forward to claim for him whatever measure of +applause might be assigned to him by the judicious.</p> + +<p>"If this were a fitting occasion, I might venture here a brief +dissertation touching the manner and kind of my young friend's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span> +poetry. But I dubitate whether this abstruser sort of speculation +(though enlivened by some apposite instances from Aristophanes) +would sufficiently interest your oppidan readers. +As regards their satirical tone, and their plainness of speech, +I will only say, that, in my pastoral experience, I have found +that the Arch-Enemy loves nothing better than to be treated +as a religious, moral, and intellectual being, and that there is no +<i>apage Sathanas</i>! so potent as ridicule. But it is a kind of weapon +that must have a button of good-nature on the point of it.</p> + +<p>"The productions of Mr. B. have been stigmatized in some +quarters as unpatriotic; but I can vouch that he loves his +native soil with that hearty, though discriminating, attachment +which springs from an intimate social intercourse of many +years' standing. In the ploughing season, no one has a deeper +share in the well-being of the country than he. If Dean Swift +were right in saying that he who makes two blades of grass grow +where one grew before confers a greater benefit on the state +than he who taketh a city, Mr. B. might exhibit a fairer claim +to the Presidency than General Scott himself. I think that +some of those disinterested lovers of the hard-handed democracy, +whose fingers have never touched anything rougher +than the dollars of our common country, would hesitate to +compare palms with him. It would do your heart good, respected +Sir, to see that young man now. He cuts a cleaner +and wider swarth than any in this town.</p> + +<p>"But it is time for me to be at my Post. It is very clear +that my young friend's shot has struck the lintel, for the Post +is shaken (Amos ix. 1). The editor of that paper is a strenuous +advocate of the Mexican war, and a colonel, as I am given +to understand. I presume, that, being necessarily absent in +Mexico, he has left his journal in some less judicious hands. +At any rate, the Post has been too swift on this occasion. It +could hardly have cited a more incontrovertible line from any<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span> +poem than that which it has selected for animadversion, +namely,—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"'We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage.'<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"If the Post maintains the converse of this proposition, it +can hardly be considered as a safe guide-post for the moral and +religious portions of its party, however many other excellent +qualities of a post it may be blessed with. There is a sign in +London on which is painted,—'The Green Man.' It would +do very well as a portrait of any individual who would support +so unscriptural a thesis. As regards the language of the line +in question, I am bold to say that He who readeth the hearts +of men will not account any dialect unseemly which conveys +a sound and pious sentiment. I could wish that such sentiments +were more common, however uncouthly expressed. +Saint Ambrose affirms, that <i>veritas a quocunque</i> (why not, then +<i>quomodocunque</i>?) <i>dicatur, a spiritu sancto est</i>. Digest also this +of Baxter:—'The plainest words are the most profitable +oratory in weightiest matters.'</p> + +<p>"When the paragraph in question was shown to Mr. Biglow, +the only part of it which seemed to give him any dissatisfaction +was that which classed him with the Whig party. He says, +that, if resolutions are a nourishing kind of diet, that party +must be in a very hearty and flourishing condition; for that +they have quietly eaten more good ones of their own baking +than he could have conceived to be possible without repletion. +He has been for some years past (I regret to say) an ardent +opponent of those sound doctrines of protective policy which +form so prominent a portion of the creed of that party. I +confess, that, in some discussions which I have had with him +on this point in my study, he has displayed a vein of obstinacy +which I had not hitherto detected in his composition. He is +also (<i>horresco referens</i>) infected in no small measure with the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span> +peculiar notions of a print called the Liberator, whose heresies +I take every proper opportunity of combating, and of which, +I thank God, I have never read a single line.</p> + +<p>"I did not see Mr. B.'s verses until they appeared in print, +and there <i>is</i> certainly one thing in them which I consider +highly improper. I allude to the personal references to myself +by name. To confer notoriety on an humble individual who is +labouring quietly in his vocation, and who keeps his cloth as +free as he can from the dust of the political arena (though <i>væ +mihi si non evangelizavero</i>), is no doubt an indecorum. The +sentiments which he attributes to me I will not deny to be +mine. They were embodied, though in a different form, in a +discourse preached upon the last day of public fasting, and +were acceptable to my entire people (of whatever political +views), except the postmaster, who dissented <i>ex officio</i>. I +observe that you sometimes devote a portion of your paper to +a religious summary. I should be well pleased to furnish a +copy of my discourse for insertion in this department of your +instructive journal. By omitting the advertisements, it might +easily be got within the limits of a single number, and I +venture to insure you the sale of some scores of copies in this +town. I will cheerfully render myself responsible for ten. It +might possibly be advantageous to issue it as an <i>extra</i>. But +perhaps you will not esteem it an object, and I will not press +it. My offer does not spring from any weak desire of seeing +my name in print; for I can enjoy this satisfaction at any time +by turning to the Triennial Catalogue of the University, where +it also possesses that added emphasis of Italics with which +those of my calling are distinguished.</p> + +<p>"I would simply add, that I continue to fit ingenuous +youth for college, and that I have two spacious and airy +sleeping apartments at this moment unoccupied. <i>Ingenuas +didicisse</i>, &c. Terms, which vary according to the circumstances<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span> +of the parents, may be known on application to me by letter, +post paid. In all cases the lad will be expected to fetch his +own towels. This rule, Mrs. W. desires me to add, has no +exceptions.</p> + +<p class="sign1">"Respectfully, your obedient servant,<br /> +"HOMER WILBUR, A.M.</p> + +<p>"P.S. Perhaps the last paragraph may look like an attempt +to obtain the insertion of my circular gratuitously. If it should +appear to you in that light, I desire that you would erase it, or +charge for it at the usual rates, and deduct the amount from +the proceeds in your hands from the sale of my discourse, when +it shall be printed. My circular is much longer and more explicit, +and will be forwarded without charge to any who may +desire it. It has been very neatly executed on a letter sheet, +by a very deserving printer, who attends upon my ministry, +and is a creditable specimen of the typographic art. I have +one hung over my mantelpiece in a neat frame, where it makes +a beautiful and appropriate ornament, and balances the profile +of Mrs. W., cut with her toes by the young lady born without +arms.</p> + +<p class="ralign">H. W."</p> + +<p>I have in the foregoing letter mentioned General Scott in +connexion with the Presidency, because I have been given to +understand that he has blown to pieces and otherwise caused +to be destroyed more Mexicans than any other commander. +His claim would therefore be deservedly considered the +strongest. Until accurate returns of the Mexican killed, +wounded, and maimed be obtained, it would be difficult to +settle these nice points of precedence. Should it prove that +any other officer has been more meritorious and destructive +than General. S., and has thereby rendered himself more<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> +worthy of the confidence and support of the conservative +portion of our community, I shall cheerfully insert his name, +instead of that of General S., in a future edition. It may be +thought, likewise, that General S. has invalidated his claims +by too much attention to the decencies of apparel, and the +habits belonging to a gentleman. These abstruser points of +statesmanship are beyond my scope. I wonder not that +successful military achievement should attract the admiration +of the multitude. Rather do I rejoice with wonder to behold +how rapidly this sentiment is losing its hold upon the popular +mind. It is related of Thomas Warton, the second of that +honoured name who held the office of Poetry Professor at +Oxford, that, when one wished to find him, being absconded, +as was his wont, in some obscure alehouse, he was counselled +to traverse the city with a drum and fife, the sound of which +inspiring music would be sure to draw the Doctor from his +retirement into the street. We are all more or less bitten +with this martial insanity. <i>Nescio quâ dulcedine ... +cunctos ducit.</i> I confess to some infection of that itch myself. +When I see a Brigadier-General maintaining his insecure +elevation in the saddle under the severe fire of the training-field, +and when I remember that some military enthusiasts, +through haste, inexperience, or an over-desire to lend reality +to those fictitious combats, will sometimes discharge their +ramrods, I cannot but admire, while I deplore, the mistaken +devotion of those heroic officers. <i>Semel insanivimus omnes.</i> I +was myself, during the late war with Great Britain, chaplain +of a regiment, which was fortunately never called to active +military duty. I mention this circumstance with regret rather +than pride. Had I been summoned to actual warfare, I trust +that I might have been strengthened to bear myself after the +manner of that reverend father in our New England Israel, Dr. +Benjamin Colman, who, as we are told in Turell's life of him,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> +when the vessel in which he had taken passage for England +was attacked by a French privateer, "fought like a philosopher +and a Christian, ... and prayed all the while he charged +and fired." As this note is already long, I shall not here enter +upon a discussion of the question, whether Christians may +lawfully be soldiers. I think it sufficiently evident, that, +during the first two centuries of the Christian era, at least, +the two professions were esteemed incompatible. Consult +Jortin on this head.—H. W.]</p></div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="No_IV" id="No_IV"></a>No. IV.</h2> + +<p class="hdtt">REMARKS OF INCREASE D. O'PHACE, ESQUIRE, AT AN EX-TRUMPERY +CAUCUS IN STATE STREET, REPORTED BY MR. H. BIGLOW.</p> + + +<div class="hw"><p>[The ingenious reader will at once understand that no such +speech as the following was ever <i>totidem verbis</i> pronounced. +But there are simpler and less guarded wits, for the satisfying +of which such an explanation may be needful. For there are +certain invisible lines, which as Truth successively overpasses, +she becomes Untruth to one and another of us, as a large +river, flowing from one kingdom into another, sometimes takes +a new name, albeit the waters undergo no change, how small +soever. There is, moreover, a truth of fiction more veracious +than the truth of fact, as that of the Poet, which represents to +us things and events as they ought to be, rather than servilely +copies them as they are imperfectly imaged in the crooked and +smoky glass of our mundane affairs. It is this which makes +the speech of Antonius, though originally spoken in no wider +a forum than the brain of Shakspeare, more historically valuable +than that other which Appian has reported, by as much +as the understanding of the Englishman was more comprehensive +than that of the Alexandrian. Mr. Biglow, in the present +instance, has only made use of a licence assumed by all the +historians of antiquity, who put into the mouths of various +characters such words as seem to them most fitting to the +occasion and to the speaker. If it be objected that no such +oration could ever have been delivered, I answer, that there +are few assemblages for speech-making which do not better<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span> +deserve the title of <i>Parliamentum Indoctorum</i> than did the +sixth Parliament of Henry the Fourth, and that men still continue +to have as much faith in the Oracle of Fools as ever +Pantagruel had. Howell, in his letters, recounts a merry tale +of a certain ambassador of Queen Elizabeth, who, having +written two letters, one to her Majesty and the other to his +wife, directed them at cross-purposes, so that the Queen was +beducked and bedeared and requested to send a change of hose, +and the wife was beprincessed and otherwise unwontedly besuperlatived, +till the one feared for the wits of her ambassador, +the other for those of her husband. In like manner it may be +presumed that our speaker has misdirected some of his thoughts, +and given to the whole theatre what he would have wished to +confide only to a select auditory at the back of the curtain. +For it is seldom that we can get any frank utterance from men, +who address, for the most part, a Buncombe either in this +world or the next. As for their audiences, it may be truly +said of our people, that they enjoy one political institution in +common with the ancient Athenians: I mean a certain profitless +kind of <i>ostracism</i>, wherewith, nevertheless, they seem +hitherto well enough content. For in Presidential elections, +and other affairs of the sort, whereas I observe that the <i>oysters</i> +fall to the lot of comparatively few, the <i>shells</i> (such as the privileges +of voting as they are told to do by the <i>ostrivori</i> aforesaid, +and of huzzaing at public meetings) are very liberally +distributed among the people, as being their prescriptive and +quite sufficient portion.</p> + +<p>The occasion of the speech is supposed to be Mr. Palfrey's +refusal to vote for the Whig candidate for the Speakership.—H. W.]<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span></p></div> + +<div class="cpoem35"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">No? Hez he? He haint, though? Wut? Voted agin him?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef the bird of our country could ketch him, she 'd skin him;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I seem 's though I see her, with wrath in each quill,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Like a chancery lawyer, afilin' her bill,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' grindin' her talents ez sharp ez all nater,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To pounce like a writ on the back o' the traiter.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Forgive me, my friends, ef I seem to be het,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But a crisis like this must with vigour be met;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen an Arnold the star-spangled banner bestains,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Holl Fourth o' Julys seem to bile in my veins.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Who ever 'd ha' thought sech a pisonous rig<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Would be run by a chap thet wuz chose fer a Wig?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"We knowed wut his principles wuz 'fore we sent him"?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">What wuz ther in them from this vote to pervent him?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A marciful Providunce fashioned us holler<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O' purpose thet we might our principles swaller;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It can hold any quantity on 'em, the belly can,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' bring 'em up ready fer use like the pelican,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or more like the kangaroo, who (wich is stranger)<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Puts her family into her pouch wen there 's danger.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Aint principle precious? then, who 's goin' to use it<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen there 's risk o' some chaps gittin' up to abuse it?<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span> +<span class="i0">I can't tell the wy on 't, but nothin' is <i>so</i> sure<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ez thet principle kind o' gits spiled by exposure;<a name="FNanchor_13_13" id="FNanchor_13_13"></a><a href="#Footnote_13_13" class="fnanchor">[13]</a><br /></span> +<span class="i0">A man thet lets all sorts o' folks git a sight on 't<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ough' to hev it all took right away, every mite on 't;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef he can't keep it all to himself when it 's wise to,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He aint one it 's fit to trust nothin' so nice to.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Besides, ther 's a wonderful power in latitude<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To shift a man's morril relations an' attitude;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Some flossifers think thet a fakkilty 's granted<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The minnit it 's proved to be thoroughly wanted,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet a change o' demand makes a change o' condition<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' thet everythin' 's nothin' except by position;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ez, fer instance, thet rubber-trees fust begun bearin'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen p'litickle conshunces come into wearin',—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet the fears of a monkey, whose holt chanced to fail,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Drawed the vertibry out to a prehensile tail;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So, wen one 's chose to Congriss, ez soon ez he 's in it,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A collar grows right round his neck in a minnit,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span> +<span class="i0">An' sartin it is thet a man cannot be strict<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In bein' himself, when he gets to the Deestrict,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer a coat thet sets wal here in ole Massachusetts,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen it gits on to Washinton, somehow askew sets.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Resolves, do you say, o' the Springfield Convention?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet 's percisely the pint I was goin' to mention;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Resolves air a thing we most gen'ally keep ill,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They 're a cheap kind o' dust fer the eyes o' the people;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A parcel o' delligits jest git together<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' chat fer a spell o' the crops an' the weather,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then, comin' to order, they squabble awile<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' let off the speeches they 're ferful 'll spile;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then—Resolve,—Thet we wunt hev an inch o' slave territory;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That President Polk's holl perceedins air very tory;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet the war 's a damned war, an' them thet enlist in it<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Should hev a cravat with a dreffle tight twist in it;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet the war is a war fer the spreadin' o' slavery;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet our army desarves our best thanks fer their bravery;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet we 're the original friends o' the nation,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">All the rest air a paltry an' base fabrication;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet we highly respect Messrs. A, B, an' C,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' ez deeply despise Messrs. E, F, an' G.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In this way they go to the eend o' the chapter,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' then they bust out in a kind of a raptur<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span> +<span class="i0">About their own vartoo, an' folks's stone-blindness<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To the men thet 'ould actilly do 'em a kindness,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The American eagle, the Pilgrims thet landed,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Till on ole Plymouth Rock they git finally stranded.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wal, the people they listen and say, "Thet 's the ticket!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ez for Mexico, t'aint no glory to lick it,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But 't would be a darned shame to go pullin' o' triggers<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To extend the aree of abusin' the niggers."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">So they march in percessions, an' git up hooraws,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' tramp thru the mud fer the good o' the cause,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' think they 're kind o' fulfillin' the prophecies,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen they 're on'y jest changin' the holders of offices;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ware A sot afore, B is comf'tably seated,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">One humbug 's victor'ous, an' t'other defeated.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Each honnable doughface gits jest wut he axes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' the people—their annooal soft sodder an' taxes.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Now, to keep unimpaired all these glorious feeturs<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet characterize morril an' reasonin' creeturs,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet give every paytriot all he can cram,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet oust the untrustworthy Presidunt Flam,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' stick honest Presidunt Sham in his place,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To the manifest gain o' the holl human race,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' to some indervidgewals on 't in partickler,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who love Public Opinion an' know how to tickle her,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I say thet a party with great aims like these<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Must stick jest ez close ez a hive full o' bees.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I 'm willin' a man should go tollable strong<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Agin wrong in the abstract, fer that kind o' wrong<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Is ollers unpop'lar an' never gits pitied,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Because it 's a crime no one never committed;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But he mus' n't be hard on partickler sins,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Coz then he 'll be kickin' the people's own shins;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">On'y look at the Demmercrats, see wut they 've done<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Jest simply by stickin' together like fun;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They 've sucked us right into a mis'able war<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet no one on airth aint responsible for;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They 've run us a hundred cool millions in debt,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(An' fer Demmercrat Horners ther 's good plums left yet);<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They talk agin tayriffs, but act fer a high one,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' so coax all parties to build up their Zion;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To the people they 're ollers ez slick ez molasses,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' butter their bread on both sides with The Masses,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Half o' whom they 've persuaded, by way of a joke,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet Washinton's mantelpiece fell upon Polk.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Now all o' these blessins the Wigs might enjoy,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef they 'd gumption enough the right means to imploy;<a name="FNanchor_14_14" id="FNanchor_14_14"></a><a href="#Footnote_14_14" class="fnanchor">[14]</a><br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer the silver spoon born in Dermocracy's mouth<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Is a kind of a scringe thet they hev to the South;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Their masters can cuss 'em an' kick 'em an' wale 'em,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span> +<span class="i0">An' they notice it less 'an the ass did to Balaam;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In this way they screw into second-rate offices<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wich the slaveholder thinks 'ould substract too much off his ease;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The file-leaders, I mean, du, fer they, by their wiles,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Unlike the old viper, grow fat on their files.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wal, the Wigs hev been tryin' to grab all this prey frum 'em<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' to hook this nice spoon o' good fortin' away frum 'em,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' they might ha' succeeded, ez likely ez not,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In lickin' the Demmercrats all round the lot,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef it warn't thet, wile all faithful Wigs were their knees on,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Some stuffy old codger would holler out,—"Treason!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You must keep a sharp eye on a dog thet hez bit you once,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' <i>I</i> aint agoin' to cheat my constitoounts,"—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen every fool knows thet a man represents<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Not the fellers thet sent him, but them on the fence,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Impartially ready to jump either side<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' make the fust use of a turn o' the tide,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The waiters on Providunce here in the city,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who compose wut they call a State Centerl Committy.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Constitoounts air hendy to help a man in,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But arterwards don't weigh the heft of a pin.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wy, the people can't all live on Uncle Sam's pus,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So they 've nothin' to du with 't fer better or wus;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span> +<span class="i0">It 's the folks thet air kind o' brought up to depend on 't<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That hev any consarn in 't, an' thet is the end on 't.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Now here wuz New England ahevin' the honor<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Of a chance at the speakership showered upon her;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Do you say,—"She don't want no more Speakers, but fewer;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">She 's hed plenty o' them, wut she wants is a <i>doer</i>"?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer the matter o' thet, it 's notorous in town<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet her own representatives du her quite brown.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But thet 's nothin' to du with it; wut right hed Palfrey<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To mix himself up with fanatical small fry?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Warn't we gettin' on prime with our hot an' cold blowin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Acondemnin' the war wilst we kep' it agoin'?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We 'd assumed with gret skill a commandin' position,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">On this side or thet, no one could n't tell wich one,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So, wutever side wipped, we 'd a chance at the plunder<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' could sue for infringin' our paytended thunder;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We were ready to vote fer whoever wuz eligible,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef on all pints at issoo he 'd stay unintelligible.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wal, sposin' we hed to gulp down our perfessions,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We were ready to come out next mornin' with fresh ones;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Besides, ef we did, 't was our business alone,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer could n't we du wut we would with our own?<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span> +<span class="i0">An' ef a man can, wen pervisions hev riz so,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Eat up his own words, it 's a marcy it is so.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Wy, these chaps from the North, with back-bones to 'em, darn 'em,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'Ould be wuth more 'an Gennle Tom Thumb is to Barnum;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ther 's enough thet to office on this very plan grow,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">By exhibitin' how very small a man can grow;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But an M. C. frum here ollers hastens to state he<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Belongs to the order called invertebraty,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wence some gret filologists judge primy fashy<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet M. C. is M. T. by paronomashy;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' these few exceptions air <i>loosus naytury</i><br /></span> +<span class="i0">Folks 'ould put down their quarters to stare at, like fury.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">It 's no use to open the door o' success,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef a member can bolt so fer nothin' or less;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wy, all o' them grand constitootional pillers<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Our four fathers fetched with 'em over the billers,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Them pillers the people so soundly hev slept on,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wile to slav'ry, invasion, an' debt they were swept on,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wile our Destiny higher an' higher kep' mountin'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(Though I guess folks 'll stare wen she hends her account in),<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Ef members in this way go kickin' agin 'em,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They wunt hev so much ez a feather left in 'em.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">An', ez fer this Palfrey,<a name="FNanchor_15_15" id="FNanchor_15_15"></a><a href="#Footnote_15_15" class="fnanchor">[15]</a> we thought wen we 'd gut him in,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He 'd go kindly in wutever harness we put him in;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Supposin' we <i>did</i> know thet he wuz a peace man?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Does he think he can be Uncle Samwell's policeman,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' wen Sam gits tipsy an' kicks up a riot,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Lead him off to the lockup to snooze till he 's quiet?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wy, the war is a war thet true paytriots can bear, ef<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It leads to the fat promised land of a tayriff;<br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>We</i> don't go an' fight it, nor aint to be driv on,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nor Demmercrats nuther, thet hev wut to live on;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef it aint jest the thing thet 's well pleasin' to God,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It makes us thought highly on elsewhere abroad;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Rooshian black eagle looks blue in his eerie<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' shakes both his heads wen he hears o' Monteery;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wile in the Tower Victory sets, all of a fluster,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' reads, with locked doors, how we won Cherry Buster;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' old Philip Lewis—thet come an' kep' school here<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer the mere sake o' scorin' his ryalist ruler<br /></span> +<span class="i0">On the tenderest part of our kings <i>in futuro</i>—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Hides his crown underneath an old shut in his bureau<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Breaks off in his brags to a suckle o' merry kings,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">How he often hed hided young native Amerrikins,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An', turnin' quite faint in the midst of his fooleries,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sneaks down stairs to bolt the front door o' the Tooleries.<a name="FNanchor_16_16" id="FNanchor_16_16"></a><a href="#Footnote_16_16" class="fnanchor">[16]</a><br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">You say,—"We 'd ha' scared 'em by growin' in peace,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A plaguy sight more then by bobberies like these"?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who is it dares say thet "our naytional eagle<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wun't much longer be classed with the birds thet air regal,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Coz theirn be hooked beaks, an' she, arter this slaughter,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'ll bring back a bill ten times longer 'n she ough' to"?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wut 's your name? Come, I see ye, you up-country feller,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You 've put me out severil times with your beller;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Out with it! Wut? Biglow? I say nothin' furder,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet feller would like nothin' better 'n a murder;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He 's a traiter, blasphemer, an' wut ruther worse is,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He put all his ath'ism in dreffle bad verses;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Socity aint safe till sech monsters air out on it,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Refer to the Post, ef you hev the least doubt on it;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wy, he goes agin war, agin indirect taxes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Agin sellin' wild lands 'cept to settlers with axes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Agin holdin' o' slaves, though he knows it 's the corner<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Our libbaty rests on, the mis'able scorner!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In short, he would wholly upset with his ravages<br /></span> +<span class="i0">All thet keeps us above the brute critters an' savages,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' pitch into all kinds o' briles an' confusions<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The holl of our civilized, free institutions;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He writes fer thet rather unsafe print, the Courier,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' likely ez not hez a squintin' to Foorier;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'll be ——, thet is, I mean I 'll be blest,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef I hark to a word frum so noted a pest;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I shan't talk with <i>him</i>, my religion 's too fervent.—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Good mornin', my friends, I 'm your most humble servant.<br /></span> +</div></div></div> + +<div class="hw"><p>[Into the question, whether the ability to express ourselves +in articulate language has been productive of more good or +evil, I shall not here enter at large. The two faculties of +speech and of speech-making are wholly diverse in their +natures. By the first we make ourselves intelligible, by the +last unintelligible, to our fellows. It has not seldom occurred<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span> +to me (noting how in our national legislature everything runs +to talk, as lettuces, if the season or the soil be unpropitious, +shoot up lankly to seed, instead of forming handsome heads) +that Babel was the first Congress, the earliest mill erected for +the manufacture of gabble. In these days, what with Town +Meetings, School Committees, Boards (lumber) of one kind +and another, Congresses, Parliaments, Diets, Indian Councils, +Palavers, and the like, there is scarce a village which has not +its factories of this description driven by (milk-and-) water +power. I cannot conceive the confusion of tongues to have +been the curse of Babel, since I esteem my ignorance of other +languages as a kind of Martello-tower, in which I am safe +from the furious bombardments of foreign garrulity. For this +reason I have ever preferred the study of the dead languages, +those primitive formations being Ararats upon whose silent +peaks I sit secure and watch this new deluge without fear, +though it rain figures (<i>simulacra</i>, semblances) of speech forty +days and nights together, as it not uncommonly happens. Thus +is my coat, as it were, without buttons by which any but a +vernacular wild bore can seize me. Is it not possible that the +Shakers may intend to convey a quiet reproof and hint, in +fastening their outer garments with hooks and eyes?</p> + +<p>This reflection concerning Babel, which I find in no Commentary, +was first thrown upon my mind when an excellent +deacon of my congregation (being infected with the Second +Advent delusion) assured me that he had received a first +instalment of the gift of tongues as a small earnest of larger +possessions in the like kind to follow. For, of a truth, I could +not reconcile it with my ideas of the Divine justice and mercy +that the single wall which protected people of other languages +from the incursions of this otherwise well-meaning propagandist +should be broken down.</p> + +<p>In reading Congressional debates, I have fancied, that, after<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span> +the subsidence of those painful buzzings in the brain which +result from such exercises, I detected a slender residuum of +valuable information. I made the discovery that <i>nothing</i> takes +longer in the saying than anything else, for, as <i>ex nihilo nihil +fit</i>, so from one polypus <i>nothing</i> any number of similar ones +may be produced. I would recommend to the attention of +<i>vivâ voce</i> debaters and controversialists the admirable example +of the monk Copres, who, in the fourth century, stood for half +an hour in the midst of a great fire, and thereby silenced a +Manichæan antagonist who had less of the salamander in +him. As for those who quarrel in print, I have no concern +with them here, since the eyelids are a Divinely-granted shield +against all such. Moreover, I have observed in many modern +books that the printed portion is becoming gradually smaller, +and the number of blank or fly-leaves (as they are called) +greater. Should this fortunate tendency of literature continue, +books will grow more valuable from year to year, and +the whole Serbonian bog yield to the advances of firm arable +land.</p> + +<p>I have wondered, in the Representatives' Chamber of our +own Commonwealth, to mark how little impression seemed to +be produced by that emblematic fish suspended over the heads +of the members. Our wiser ancestors, no doubt, hung it there +as being the animal which the Pythagoreans reverenced for its +silence, and which certainly in that particular does not so well +merit the epithet <i>cold-blooded</i>, by which naturalists distinguish +it, as certain bipeds, afflicted with ditch-water on the brain, +who take occasion to tap themselves in Fanueil Halls, meeting-houses, +and other places of public resort.—H. W.]</p></div> + + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_13_13" id="Footnote_13_13"></a><a href="#FNanchor_13_13"><span class="label">[13]</span></a> The speaker is of a different mind from Tully, who, in his recently +discovered tractate <i>De Republicâ</i>, tells us,—<i>Nec vero habere virtutem satis +est, quasi artem aliquam, nisi utare</i>, and from our Milton, who says,—"I +cannot praise a fugitive and cloistered virtue, unexercised and unbreathed, +that never sallies out and sees her adversary, but slinks out of the race +where that immortal garland is to be run for, <i>not without dust and heat</i>."—<i>Areop.</i> +He had taken the words out of the Roman's mouth, without +knowing it, and might well exclaim with Austin (if saint's name may +stand sponsor for a curse). <i>Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerint!</i>—H. W.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_14_14" id="Footnote_14_14"></a><a href="#FNanchor_14_14"><span class="label">[14]</span></a> That was a pithy saying of Persius, and fits our politicians without a +wrinkle,—<i>Magister artis, ingeniique largitor venter.</i>—H. W.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_15_15" id="Footnote_15_15"></a><a href="#FNanchor_15_15"><span class="label">[15]</span></a> There is truth yet in this of Juvenal,— +</p> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Dat veniam corvis, vexat censura columbas."<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_16_16" id="Footnote_16_16"></a><a href="#FNanchor_16_16"><span class="label">[16]</span></a> Jortin is willing to allow of other miracles besides those recorded in +Holy Writ, and why not of other prophecies? It is granting too much to +Satan to suppose him, as divers of the learned have done, the inspirer of +the ancient oracles. Wiser, I esteem it, to give chance the credit of the +successful ones. What is said here of Louis Philippe was verified in some +of its minute particulars within a few months' time. Enough to have +made the fortune of Delphi or Ammon, and no thanks to Beelzebub +neither! That of Seneca in Medea will suit here:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">"Rapida fortuna ac levis,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Præcepsque regno eripuit, exsilio dedit."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Let us allow, even to richly deserved misfortune, our commiseration, +and be not overhasty meanwhile in our censure of the French people, left +for the first time to govern themselves, remembering that wise sentence of +Æschylus,—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0" title="Hapas de trachys hostis an neon kratê.">Ἅπας δὲ τραχὺς ὅστις ἂν νέον κρατῇ.<br /></span> +</div></div> +<p class="ralign">H. W.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="No_V" id="No_V"></a>No. V.</h2> + +<h3>THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT</h3> + +<p class="hdttc">SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME.</p> + + + +<div class="hw"><p>[The incident which gave rise to the debate satirized in the +following verses was the unsuccessful attempt of Drayton and +Sayres to give freedom to seventy men and women, fellow-beings +and fellow-Christians. Had Tripoli, instead of Washington, +been the scene of this undertaking, the unhappy leaders +in it would have been as secure of the theoretic as they +now are of the practical part of martyrdom. I question +whether the Dey of Tripoli is blessed with a District Attorney +so benighted as ours at the seat of government. Very fitly is +he named Key, who would allow himself to be made the +instrument of locking the door of hope against sufferers in +such a cause. Not all the waters of the ocean can cleanse +the vile smutch of the jailer's fingers from off that little Key. +<i>Ahenea clavis</i>, a brazen Key indeed!</p> + +<p>Mr. Calhoun, who is made the chief speaker in this burlesque, +seems to think that the light of the nineteenth century +is to be put out as soon as he tinkles his little cow-bell curfew. +Whenever slavery is touched, he sets up his scarecrow of +dissolving the Union. This may do for the North, but I +should conjecture that something more than a pumpkin-lantern +is required to scare manifest and irretrievable Destiny out of +her path. Mr. Calhoun cannot let go the apron-string of the +Past. The Past is a good nurse, but we must be weaned from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span> +her sooner or later, even though, like Plotinus, we should run +home from school to ask the breast, after we are tolerably +well-grown youths. It will not do for us to hide our faces in +her lap, whenever the strange Future holds out her arms and +asks us to come to her.</p> + +<p>But we are all alike. We have all heard it said, often +enough, that little boys must not play with fire; and yet, if +the matches be taken away from us and put out of reach upon +the shelf, we must needs get into our little corner, and scowl +and stamp and threaten the dire revenge of going to bed +without our supper. The world shall stop till we get our +dangerous plaything again. Dame Earth, meanwhile, who has +more than enough household matters to mind, goes bustling +hither and thither as a hiss or a sputter tells her that this +or that kettle of hers is boiling over, and before bedtime we +are glad to eat our porridge cold, and gulp down our dignity +along with it.</p> + +<p>Mr. Calhoun has somehow acquired the name of a great +statesman, and, if it be great statesmanship to put lance in +rest and run a tilt at the Spirit of the Age with the certainty +of being next moment hurled neck and heels into the dust +amid universal laughter, he deserves the title. He is the Sir +Kay of our modern chivalry. He should remember the old +Scandinavian mythus. Thor was the strongest of gods, but +he could not wrestle with Time, nor so much as lift up a fold +of the great snake which knit the universe together; and when +he smote the Earth, though with his terrible mallet, it was but +as if a leaf had fallen. Yet all the while it seemed to Thor +that he had only been wrestling with an old woman, striving +to lift a cat, and striking a stupid giant on the head.</p> + +<p>And in old times, doubtless, the giants <i>were</i> stupid, and +there was no better sport for the Sir Launcelots and Sir +Gawains than to go about cutting off their great blundering<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span> +heads with enchanted swords. But things have wonderfully +changed. It is the giants, now-a-days, that have the science +and the intelligence, while the chivalrous Don Quixotes of +Conservatism still cumber themselves with the clumsy armour +of a by-gone age. On whirls the restless globe through unsounded +time, with its cities and its silences, its births and +funerals, half light, half shade, but never wholly dark, and +sure to swing round into the happy morning at last. With +an involuntary smile, one sees Mr. Calhoun letting slip his +pack-thread cable with a crooked pin at the end of it to +anchor South Carolina upon the bank and shoal of the Past.—H. W.]</p> +</div> + +<p class="center">TO MR. BUCKENAM.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">mr. Editer</span>, As i wuz kinder prunin round, in a +little nussry sot out a year or 2 a go, the Dbait in the +sennit cum inter my mine An so i took & Sot it to +wut I call a nussry rime. I hev made sum onnable +Gentlemun speak that dident speak in a Kind uv +Poetikul lie sense the seeson is dreffle backerd up +This way</p> + +<p class="sign1">ewers as ushul<br /> +HOSEA BIGLOW.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span></p> + +<div class="cpoem30"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Here we stan' on the Constitution, by thunder!<br /></span> +<span class="i2">It 's a fact o' wich ther 's bushils o' proofs;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer how could we trample on 't so, I wonder,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Ef't worn't thet it 's oilers under our hoofs?"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"Human rights haint no more<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Right to come on this floor,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">No more 'n the man in the moon," sez he.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The North haint no kind o' bisness with nothin',<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' you 've no idee how much bother it saves;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We aint none riled by their frettin' an' frothin',<br /></span> +<span class="i2">We 're <i>used</i> to layin' the string on our slaves,"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Sez Mister Foote,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"I should like to shoot<br /></span> +<span class="i4">The holl gang, by the gret horn spoon!" sez he.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Freedom's Keystone is Slavery, thet ther 's no doubt on,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">It 's sutthin' thet 's—wha' d' ye call it?—divine,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' the slaves thet we ollers <i>make</i> the most out on<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Air them north o' Mason an' Dixon's line,"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"Fer all thet," sez Mangum,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"'T would be better to hang 'em,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">An' so git red on 'em soon," sez he.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The mass ough' to labour an' we lay on soffies,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Thet 's the reason I want to spread Freedom's aree;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It puts all the cunninest on us in office,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' reelises our Maker's orig'nal idee,"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"Thet 's ez plain," sez Cass,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"Ez thet some one 's an ass,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">It 's ez clear ez the sun is at noon," sez he.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Now don't go to say I 'm the friend of oppression,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">But keep all your spare breath fer coolin' your broth,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer I ollers hev strove (at least thet 's my impression)<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To make cussed free with the rights o' the North,"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"Yes," sez Davis o' Miss.,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"The perfection o' bliss<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Is in skinnin' thet same old coon," sez he.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Slavery 's a thing thet depends on complexion,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">It 's God's law thet fetters on black skins don't chafe;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef brains wuz to settle it (horrid reflection!)<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Wich of our onnable body 'd be safe?"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Sez Mister Hannegan,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Afore he began agin,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">"Thet exception is quite oppertoon," sez he.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Gen'nle Cass, Sir, you need n't be twitchin' your collar,<br /></span> +<span class="i2"><i>Your</i> merit 's quite clear by the dut on your knees,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">At the North we don't make no distinctions o' colour;<br /></span> +<span class="i2">You can all take a lick at our shoes wen you please,"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Sez Mister Jarnagin,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"They wunt hev to larn agin,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">They all on 'em know the old toon," sez he.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The slavery question aint no ways bewilderin'.<br /></span> +<span class="i2">North an' South hev one int'rest, it 's plain to a glance;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">No'thern men, like us patriarchs, don't sell their childrin,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">But they <i>du</i> sell themselves, ef they git a good chance,"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Sez Atherton here,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"This is gittin' severe,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">I wish I could dive like a loon," sez he.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"It 'll break up the Union, this talk about freedom,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' your fact'ry gals (soon ez we split) 'll make head,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' gittin' some Miss chief or other to lead 'em,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">'ll go to work raisin' promiscoous Ned,"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"Yes, the North," sez Colquitt,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"Ef we Southerners all quit,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Would go down like a busted balloon," sez he.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Jest look wut is doin', wut annyky 's brewin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In the beautiful clime o' the olive an' vine,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">All the wise aristoxy is tumblin' to ruin,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' the sankylots drorin' an' drinkin' their wine,"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"Yes," sez Johnson, "in France<br /></span> +<span class="i6">They 're beginnin' to dance<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Beelzebub's own rigadoon," sez he.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The South 's safe enough, it don't feel a mite skeery,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Our slaves in their darkness an' dut air tu blest<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Not to welcome with proud hallylugers the ery<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Wen our eagle kicks yourn from the naytional nest,"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"O," sez Westcott o' Florida,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"Wut treason is horrider<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Then our priv'leges tryin' to proon?" sez he.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"It 's 'coz they 're so happy, thet, wen crazy sarpints<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Stick their nose in our bizness, we git so darned riled;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We think it 's our dooty to give pooty sharp hints,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Thet the last crumb of Edin on airth shan't be spiled,"<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;—<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"Ah," sez Dixon H. Lewis,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">"It perfectly true is<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Thet slavery 's airth's grettest boon," sez he.<br /></span> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span></div></div> +</div> + +<div class="hw"><p>[It was said of old time, that riches have wings; and, though +this be not applicable in a literal strictness to the wealth of +our patriarchal brethren of the South, yet it is clear that their +possessions have legs, and an unaccountable propensity for +using them in a northerly direction. I marvel that the grand +jury of Washington did not find a true bill against the North +Star for aiding and abetting Drayton and Sayres. It would +have been quite of a piece with the intelligence displayed by +the South on other questions connected with slavery. I think +that no ship of state was ever freighted with a more veritable +Jonah than this same domestic institution of ours. Mephistopheles +himself could not feign so bitterly, so satirically sad a +sight as this of three millions of human beings crushed beyond +help or hope by this one mighty argument,—<i>Our fathers knew +no better!</i> Nevertheless, it is the unavoidable destiny of +Jonahs to be cast overboard sooner or later. Or shall we try +the experiment of hiding our Jonah in a safe place, that none +may lay hands on him to make jetsam of him? Let us, then, +with equal forethought and wisdom, lash ourselves to the anchor, +and await, in pious confidence, the certain result. Perhaps +our suspicious passenger is no Jonah after all, being +black. For it is well known that a superintending Providence +made a kind of sandwich of Ham and his descendants, to be +devoured by the Caucasian race.</p> + +<p>In God's name, let all, who hear nearer and nearer the +hungry moan of the storm and the growl of the breakers, +speak out! But, alas! we have no right to interfere. If a +man pluck an apple of mine, he shall be in danger of the +justice; but if he steal my brother, I must be silent. Who +says this? Our Constitution, consecrated by the callous +suetude of sixty years, and grasped in triumphant argument +in the left hand of him whose right hand clutches the clotted +slave-whip. Justice, venerable with the undethronable majesty<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span> +of countless æons, says,—<span class="smcap">Speak</span>! The Past, wise with the +sorrows and desolations of ages, from amid her shattered fanes +and wolf-housing palaces, echoes,—<span class="smcap">Speak</span>! Nature, through +her thousand trumpets of freedom, her stars, her sunrises, her +seas, her winds, her cataracts, her mountains blue with cloudy +pines, blows jubilant encouragement, and cries,—<span class="smcap">Speak</span>! +From the soul's trembling abysses the still, small voice not +vaguely murmurs,—<span class="smcap">Speak</span>! But, alas! the Constitution and +the Honourable Mr. Bagowind, M.C., say,—<span class="smcap">Be dumb</span>!</p> + +<p>It occurs to me to suggest, as a topic of inquiry in this connexion, +whether, on that momentous occasion when the goats +and the sheep shall be parted, the Constitution and the Honourable +Mr. Bagowind, M.C., will be expected to take their +places on the left as our hircine vicars.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><i>Quia sum miser tunc dicturus?</i><br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>Quem patronum rogaturus?</i><br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>There is a point where toleration sinks into sheer baseness and +poltroonery. The toleration of the worst leads us to look on +what is barely better as good enough, and to worship what is +only moderately good. Woe to that man, or that nation, to +whom mediocrity has become an ideal!</p> + +<p>Has our experiment of self-government succeeded, if it barely +manage to <i>rub and go</i>? Here, now, is a piece of barbarism +which Christ and the nineteenth century say shall cease, and +which Messrs. Smith, Brown, and others say shall <i>not</i> cease. +I would by no means deny the eminent respectability of these +gentlemen, but I confess, that, in such a wrestling-match, I +cannot help having my fears for them.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><i>Discite justitiam, moniti, et non temnere divos.</i><br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="ralign">H. W.]</p></div> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="No_VI" id="No_VI"></a>No. VI.</h2> + +<h3>THE PIOUS EDITOR'S CREED.</h3> + + + +<div class="hw"><p>[At the special instance of Mr. Biglow, I preface the following +satire with an extract from a sermon preached during +the past summer, from Ezekiel xxxiv. 2:—"Son of man, prophesy +against the shepherds of Israel." Since the Sabbath on +which this discourse was delivered, the editor of the "Jaalam +Independent Blunderbuss" has unaccountably absented himself +from our house of worship.</p> + +<p>"I know of no so responsible position as that of the public +journalist. The editor of our day bears the same relation to +his time that the clerk bore to the age before the invention of +printing. Indeed, the position which he holds is that which +the clergyman should hold even now. But the clergyman +chooses to walk off to the extreme edge of the world, and to +throw such seed as he has clear over into that darkness which +he calls the Next Life. As if <i>next</i> did not mean <i>nearest</i>, and as +if any life were nearer than that immediately present one which +boils and eddies all around him at the caucus, the ratification +meeting, and the polls! Who taught him to exhort men to +prepare for eternity, as for some future era of which the +present forms no integral part? The furrow which Time is +even now turning runs through the Everlasting, and in that +must he plant or nowhere. Yet he would fain believe and +teach that we are <i>going</i> to have more of eternity than we have +now. This <i>going</i> of his is like that of the auctioneer, on which<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span> +<i>gone</i> follows before we have made up our minds to bid,—in +which manner, not three months back, I lost an excellent copy +of Chappelow on Job. So it has come to pass that the +preacher, instead of being a living force, has faded into an +emblematic figure at christenings, weddings, and funerals. +Or, if he exercise any other function, it is as keeper and feeder +of certain theologic dogmas, which, when occasion offers, he +unkennels with a <i>staboy!</i> 'to bark and bite as 'tis their nature +to,' whence that reproach of <i>odium theologicum</i> has arisen.</p> + +<p>"Meanwhile, see what a pulpit the editor mounts daily, +sometimes with a congregation of fifty thousand within reach +of his voice, and never so much as a nodder, even, among +them! And from what a Bible can he choose his text,—a +Bible which needs no translation, and which no priestcraft can +shut and clasp from the laity,—the open volume of the world, +upon which, with a pen of sunshine or destroying fire, the +inspired Present is even now writing the annals of God! +Methinks the editor who should understand his calling, and be +equal thereto, would truly deserve that title of <span title="poimên laôn">ποιμην λαῶν</span>, +which Homer bestows upon princes. He would be the Moses +of our nineteenth century; and whereas the old Sinai, silent +now, is but a common mountain, stared at by the elegant +tourist and crawled over by the hammering geologist, he must +find his tables of the new law here among factories and cities +in this Wilderness of Sin (Numbers xxxiii. 12) called Progress +of Civilization, and be the captain of our Exodus into the +Canaan of a truer social order.</p> + +<p>"Nevertheless, our editor will not come so far within even +the shadow of Sinai as Mahomet did, but chooses rather to +construe Moses by Joe Smith. He takes up the crook, not +that the sheep may be fed, but that he may never want a +warm woollen suit and a joint of mutton.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><i>Immemor, O, fidei, pecorumque oblite tuorum!</i><br /></span> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span></div></div> + +<p>For which reason I would derive the name <i>editor</i> not so much +from <i>edo</i>, to publish, as from <i>edo</i>, to eat, that being the +peculiar profession to which he esteems himself called. He +blows up the flames of political discord for no other occasion +than that he may thereby handily boil his own pot. I believe +there are two thousand of these mutton-loving shepherds in +the United States; and of these, how many have even the +dimmest perception of their immense power, and the duties +consequent thereon? Here and there, haply, one. Nine +hundred and ninety-nine labour to impress upon the people the +great principles of <i>Tweedledum</i>, and other nine hundred and +ninety-nine preach with equal earnestness the gospel according +to <i>Tweedledee</i>."—H. W.]</p> +</div> + +<div class="cpoem25"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe in Freedom's cause,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Ez fur away ez Paris is;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I love to see her stick her claws<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In them infarnal Pharisees;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It 's wal enough agin a king<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To dror resolves an' triggers,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But libbaty 's a kind o' thing<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Thet don't agree with niggers.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe the people want<br /></span> +<span class="i2">A tax on teas an' coffees,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet nothin' aint extravygunt,—<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Purvidin' I 'm in office;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer I hev loved my country sence<br /></span> +<span class="i2">My eye-teeth filled their sockets,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' Uncle Sam I reverence,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Partic'larly his pockets.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe in <i>any</i> plan<br /></span> +<span class="i2">O' levyin' the taxes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ez long ez, like a lumberman,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I git jest wut I axes:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I go free-trade thru thick an' thin,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Because it kind o' rouses<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The folks to vote,—an' keeps us in<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Our quiet custom-houses.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe it 's wise an' good<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To sen' out furrin missions,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet is, on sartin understood<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' orthydox conditions;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I mean nine thousan' dolls. per ann.,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nine thousan' more fer outfit,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' me to recommend a man<br /></span> +<span class="i2">The place 'ould jest about fit.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe in special ways<br /></span> +<span class="i2">O' prayin' an' convartin';<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The bread comes back in many days,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' buttered, tu, fer sartin;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I mean in preyin' till one busts<br /></span> +<span class="i2">On wut the party chooses,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' in convartin' public trusts<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To very privit uses.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe hard coin the stuff<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Fer 'lectioneers to spout on;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The people 's ollers soft enough<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To make hard money out on;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Dear Uncle Sam pervides fer his,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' gives a good-sized junk to all,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I don't care <i>how</i> hard money is,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Ez long ez mine 's paid punctooal.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe with all my soul<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In the gret Press's freedom,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To pint the people to the goal<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' in the traces lead 'em;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Palsied the arm thet forges yokes<br /></span> +<span class="i2">At my fat contracts squintin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' withered be the nose thet pokes<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Inter the gov'ment printin'!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe thet I should give<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Wut 's his'n unto Cæsar,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer it 's by him I move an' live,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">From him my bread an' cheese air;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I du believe thet all o' me<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Doth bear his souperscription,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Will, conscience, honour, honesty,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' things o' thet description.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe in prayer an' praise<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To him thet hez the grantin'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O' jobs,—in every thin' thet pays,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">But most of all in <span class="smcap">Cantin</span>';<br /></span> +<span class="i0">This doth my cup with marcies fill,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">This lays all thought o' sin to rest,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I <i>don't</i> believe in princerple,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">But, O, I <i>du</i> in interest.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe in bein' this<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Or thet, ez it may happen<br /></span> +<span class="i0">One way or t'other hendiest is<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To ketch the people nappin';<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It aint by princerples nor men<br /></span> +<span class="i2">My preudunt course is steadied,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I scent wich pays the best, an' then<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Go into it baldheaded.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe thet holdin' slaves<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Comes nat'ral tu a Presidunt,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Let 'lone the rowdedow it saves<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To hev a wal-broke precedunt;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer any office, small or gret,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I could n't ax with no face,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Without I 'd ben, thru dry an' wet,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Th' unrizzest kind o' doughface.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I du believe wutever trash<br /></span> +<span class="i2">'ll keep the people in blindness,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet we the Mexicuns can thrash<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Right inter brotherly kindness,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet bombshells, grape, an' powder 'n' ball<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Air good-will's strongest magnets,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet peace, to make it stick at all,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Must be druv in with bagnets.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">In short, I firmly du believe<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In Humbug generally,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer it 's a thing thet I perceive<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To hev a solid vally;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">This heth my faithful shepherd ben,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In pasturs sweet heth led me,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' this 'll keep the people green<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To feed ez they hev fed me.<br /></span> +</div></div></div> + +<div class="hw"><p>[I subjoin here another passage from my before-mentioned +discourse.</p> + +<p>"Wonderful, to him that has eyes to see it rightly, is the +newspaper. To me, for example, sitting on the critical front +bench of the pit, in my study here in Jaalam, the advent of my +weekly journal is as that of a strolling theatre, or rather of a +puppet-show, on whose stage, narrow as it is, the tragedy, +comedy, and farce of life are played in little. Behold the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span> +whole huge earth sent to me hebdomadally in a brown-paper +wrapper!</p> + +<p>"Hither, to my obscure corner, by wind or steam, on horse-back +or dromedary-back, in the pouch of the Indian runner, or +clicking over the magnetic wires, troop all the famous performers +from the four quarters of the globe. Looked at from +a point of criticism, tiny puppets they seem all, as the editor +sets up his booth upon my desk and officiates as showman. +Now I can truly see how little and transitory is life. The +earth appears almost as a drop of vinegar, on which the solar +microscope of the imagination must be brought to bear in order +to make out any thing distinctly. That animalcule there, in +the pea-jacket, is Louis Philippe, just landed on the coast of +England. That other, in the grey surtout and cocked hat, is +Napoleon Bonaparte Smith, assuring France that she need +apprehend no interference from him in the present alarming +juncture. At that spot, where you seem to see a speck of +something in motion, is an immense mass-meeting. Look +sharper, and you will see a mite brandishing his mandibles in +an excited manner. That is the great Mr. Soandso, defining +his position amid tumultuous and irrepressible cheers. That +infinitesimal creature, upon whom some score of others, as +minute as he, are gazing in open-mouthed admiration, is a +famous philosopher, expounding to a select audience their +capacity for the Infinite. That scarce discernible pufflet of +smoke and dust is a revolution. That speck there is a reformer, +just arranging the lever with which he is to move the world. +And lo, there creeps forward the shadow of a skeleton that +blows one breath between its grinning teeth, and all our distinguished +actors are whisked off the slippery stage into the +dark Beyond.</p> + +<p>"Yes, the little show-box has its solemner suggestions. +Now and then we catch a glimpse of a grim old man, who lays<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span> +down a scythe and hour-glass in the corner while he shifts the +scenes. There, too, in the dim background, a weird shape is +ever delving. Sometimes he leans upon his mattock, and gazes, +as a coach whirls by, bearing the newly married on their wedding +jaunt, or glances carelessly at a babe brought home from +christening. Suddenly (for the scene grows larger and larger +as we look) a bony hand snatches back a performer in the +midst of his part, and him, whom yesterday two infinities (past +and future) would not suffice, a handful of dust is enough to +cover and silence for ever. Nay, we see the same fleshless +fingers opening to clutch the showman himself, and guess, not +without a shudder, that they are lying in wait for spectator +also.</p> + +<p>"Think of it: for three dollars a year I buy a season-ticket +to this great Globe Theatre, for which God would write +the dramas (only that we like farces, spectacles, and the +tragedies of Apollyon better), whose scene-shifter is Time, and +whose curtain is rung down by Death.</p> + +<p>"Such thoughts will occur to me sometimes as I am tearing +off the wrapper of my newspaper. Then suddenly that otherwise +too often vacant sheet becomes invested for me with a +strange kind of awe. Look! deaths and marriages, notices of +inventions, discoveries, and books, lists of promotions, of killed, +wounded, and missing, news of fires, accidents, of sudden +wealth and as sudden poverty;—I hold in my hand the ends +of myriad invisible electric conductors, along which tremble +the joys, sorrows, wrongs, triumphs, hopes, and despairs of as +many men and women everywhere. So that upon that mood +of mind which seems to isolate me from mankind as a spectator +of their puppet-pranks, another supervenes, in which I feel +that I, too, unknown and unheard of, am yet of some import +to my fellows. For, through my newspaper here, do not +families take pains to send me, an entire stranger, news of a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span> +death among them? Are not here two who would have me +know of their marriage? And strangest of all, is not this +singular person anxious to have me informed that he has +received a fresh supply of Dimitry Bruisgins? But to none +of us does the Present (even if for a moment discerned as such) +continue miraculous. We glance carelessly at the sunrise, and +get used to Orion and the Pleiades. The wonder wears off, +and to-morrow this sheet, in which a vision was let down to +me from Heaven, shall be the wrappage to a bar of soap or the +platter for a beggar's broken victuals."—H. W.]</p></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="No_VII" id="No_VII"></a>No. VII.</h2> + +<h3>A LETTER</h3> + +<p class="hdtt">FROM A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN ANSWER TO SUTTIN +QUESTIONS PROPOSED BY MR. HOSEA BIGLOW, INCLOSED IN +A NOTE FROM MR. BIGLOW TO S. H. GAY, ESQ., EDITOR OF +THE NATIONAL ANTISLAVERY STANDARD.</p> + + +<div class="hw"><p>[Curiosity may be said to be the quality which pre-eminently +distinguishes and segregates man from the lower animals. As +we trace the scale of animated nature downward, we find this +faculty of the mind (as it may truly be called) diminished in +the savage, and quite extinct in the brute. The first object +which civilized man proposes to himself I take to be the finding +out whatsoever he can concerning his neighbours. <i>Nihil +humanum a me alienum puto</i>; I am curious about even John +Smith. The desire next in strength to this (an opposite pole, +indeed, of the same magnet) is that of communicating intelligence.</p> + +<p>Men in general may be divided into the inquisitive and the +communicative. To the first class belong Peeping Toms, +eaves-droppers, navel-contemplating Brahmins, metaphysicians, +travellers, Empedocleses, spies, the various societies for promoting +Rhinothism, Columbuses, Yankees, discoverers, and +men of science, who present themselves to the mind as so +many marks of interrogation wandering up and down the +world, or sitting in studies and laboratories. The second +class I should again subdivide into four. In the first subdivision +I would rank those who have an itch to tell us<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> +about themselves,—as keepers of diaries, insignificant persons +generally, Montaignes, Horace Walpoles, autobiographers, +poets. The second includes those who are anxious to impart +information concerning other people,—as historians, barbers, +and such. To the third belong those who labour to give us +intelligence about nothing at all,—as novelists, political +orators, the large majority of authors, preachers, lecturers, +and the like. In the fourth come those who are communicative +from motives of public benevolence,—as finders of mares'-nests +and bringers of ill news. Each of us two-legged fowls +without feathers embraces all these subdivisions in himself to +a greater or less degree, for none of us so much as lays an egg, +or incubates a chalk one, but straightway the whole barn-yard +shall know it by our cackle or our cluck. <i>Omnibus hoc vitium +est.</i> There are different grades in all these classes. One +will turn his telescope toward a back-yard, another toward +Uranus; one will tell you that he dined with Smith, another +that he supped with Plato. In one particular, all men may be +considered as belonging to the first grand division, inasmuch +as they all seem equally desirous of discovering the mote in +their neighbour's eye.</p> + +<p>To one or another of these species every human being may +safely be referred. I think it beyond a peradventure that +Jonah prosecuted some inquiries into the digestive apparatus +of whales, and that Noah sealed up a letter in an empty bottle, +that news in regard to him might not be wanting in case of +the worst. They had else been super or subter human. I +conceive, also, that, as there are certain persons who continually +peep and pry at the key-hole of that mysterious door +through which, sooner or later, we all make our exits, so there +are doubtless ghosts fidgeting and fretting on the other side +of it, because they have no means of conveying back to the +world the scraps of news they have picked up. For there is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span> +an answer ready somewhere to every question, the great law +of <i>give and take</i> runs through all nature, and if we see a hook, +we may be sure that an eye is waiting for it. I read in every +face I meet a standing advertisement of information wanted in +regard to A. B., or that the friends of C. D. can hear of him +by application to such a one.</p> + +<p>It was to gratify the two great passions of asking and +answering, that epistolary correspondence was first invented. +Letters (for by this usurped title epistles are now commonly +known) are of several kinds. First, there are those which are +not letters at all,—as letters patent, letters dimissory, letters +inclosing bills, letters of administration, Pliny's letters, letters +of diplomacy, of Cato, of Mentor, of Lords Lyttelton, Chesterfield, +and Orrery, of Jacob Behmen, Seneca (whom St. Jerome +includes in his list of sacred writers), letters from abroad, +from sons in college to their fathers, letters of marque, and +letters generally, which are in no wise letters of mark. +Second, are real letters, such as those of Gray, Cowper, Walpole, +Howel, Lamb, the first letters from children (printed in +staggering capitals), Letters from New York, letters of credit, +and others, interesting for the sake of the writer or the thing +written. I have read also letters from Europe by a gentleman +named Pinto, containing some curious gossip, and which I +hope to see collected for the benefit of the curious. There are, +besides, letters addressed to posterity,—as epitaphs, for +example, written for their own monuments by monarchs, +whereby we have lately become possessed of the names of +several great conquerors and kings of kings, hitherto unheard +of and still unpronounceable, but valuable to the student of +the entirely dark ages. The letter which St. Peter sent to +King Pepin in the year of grace 755 I would place in a class +by itself, as also the letters of candidates, concerning which I +shall dilate more fully in a note at the end of the following<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span> +poem. At present, <i>sat prata biberunt</i>. Only, concerning the +shape of letters, they are all either square or oblong, to which +general figures circular letters and round-robins also conform +themselves.—H. W.]</p></div> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Deer sir</span> its gut to be the fashun now to rite letters +to the candid 8s and i wus chose at a publick Meetin +in Jaalam to du wut wus nessary fur that town. i writ +to 271 ginerals and gut ansers to 209. tha air called +candid 8s but I don't see nothin candid about em. +this here 1 wich I send wus thought satty's factory. +I dunno as it's ushle to print Poscrips, but as all the +ansers I got hed the saim, I sposed it wus best. times +has gretly changed. Formaly to knock a man into a +cocked hat wus to use him up, but now it ony gives +him a chance fur the cheef madgustracy.—H. B.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<div class="cpoem25"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Dear Sir</span>,—You wish to know my notions<br /></span> +<span class="i2">On sartin pints thet rile the land;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There 's nothin' thet my natur so shuns<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Ez bein' mum or underhand;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'm a straight-spoken kind o' creetur<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Thet blurts right out wut 's in his head,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' ef I 've one pecooler feetur,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">It is a nose thet wunt be led.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">So, to begin at the beginnin',<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' come direcly to the pint,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I think the country's underpinnin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Is some consid'ble out o' jint;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I aint agoin' to try your patience<br /></span> +<span class="i2">By tellin' who done this or thet,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I don't make no insinooations,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I jest let on I smell a rat.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Thet is, I mean, it seems to me so,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">But, ef the public think I 'm wrong,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I wunt deny but wut I be so,—<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An', fact, it don't smell very strong;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">My mind 's tu fair to lose its balance<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' say wich party hez most sense;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There may be folks o' greater talence<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Thet can't set stiddier on the fence.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I 'm an eclectic; ez to choosin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">'Twixt this an' thet, I 'm plaguy lawth;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I leave a side thet looks like losin',<br /></span> +<span class="i2">But (wile there 's doubt) I stick to both;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I stan' upon the Constitution,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Ez preudunt statesmun say, who 've planned<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A way to git the most profusion<br /></span> +<span class="i2">O' chances ez to <i>ware</i> they 'll stand.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Ez fer the war, I go agin it,—<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I mean to say I kind o' du,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet is, I mean thet, bein' in it,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">The best way wuz to fight it thru;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Not but wut abstract war is horrid,—<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I sign to thet with all my heart,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But civlyzation <i>doos</i> git forrid<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Sometimes upon a powder-cart.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">About thet darned Proviso matter<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I never hed a grain o' doubt,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nor I aint one my sense to scatter<br /></span> +<span class="i2">So 's no one could n't pick it out;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">My love fer North an' South is equil,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">So I 'll jest answer plump an' frank,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">No matter wut may be the sequil,—<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Yes, Sir, I <i>am</i> agin a Bank.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Ez to the answerin' o' questions,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I 'm an off ox at bein' druv,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Though I aint one thet ary test shuns<br /></span> +<span class="i2">'ll give our folks a helpin' shove;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Kind o' promiscoous I go it<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Fer the holl country, an' the ground<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I take, ez nigh ez I can show it,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Is pooty gen'ally all round.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I don't appruve o' givin' pledges;<br /></span> +<span class="i2">You 'd ough' to leave a feller free,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' not go knockin' out the wedges<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To ketch his fingers in the tree;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Pledges air awfle breachy cattle<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Thet preudunt farmers don't turn out,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ez long 'z the people git their rattle,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Wut is there fer 'm to grout about?<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Ez to the slaves, there 's no confusion<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In <i>my</i> idees consarnin' them,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>I</i> think they air an Institution,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">A sort of—yes, jest so,—ahem:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Do <i>I</i> own any? Of my merit<br /></span> +<span class="i2">On thet pint you yourself may jedge;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">All is, I never drink no sperit,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nor I haint never signed no pledge.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Ez to my principles, I glory<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In hevin' nothin' o' the sort;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I aint a Wig, I aint a Tory,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I 'm jest a candidate, in short;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet 's fair an' square an' parpendicler,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">But, ef the Public cares a fig,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To hev me an' thin' in particler,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Wy I 'm a kind o' peri-wig.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i6">P. S.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Ez we 're a sort o' privateerin',<br /></span> +<span class="i2">O' course, you know, it 's sheer an' sheer,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' there is sutthin' wuth your hearin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I 'll mention in <i>your</i> privit ear;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef you git <i>me</i> inside the White House,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Your head with ile I 'll kin' o' 'nint<br /></span> +<span class="i0">By gittin' <i>you</i> inside the Light-house<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Down to the eend o' Jaalam Pint.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">An' ez the North hez took to brustlin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">At bein' scrouged frum off the roost,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'll tell ye wut 'll save all tusslin'<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' give our side a harnsome boost,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Tell 'em thet on the Slavery question<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I 'm <span class="smcap">right</span>, although to speak I 'm lawth;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">This gives you a safe pint to rest on,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">An' leaves me frontin' South by North.<br /></span> +</div></div></div> + + +<div class="hw"><p>[And now of epistles candidatial, which are of two kinds,—namely, +letters of acceptance, and letters definitive of position. +Our republic, on the eve of an election, may safely enough be +called a republic of letters. Epistolary composition becomes +then an epidemic, which seizes one candidate after another, not +seldom cutting short the thread of political life. It has come +to such a pass, that a party dreads less the attacks of its opponents +than a letter from its candidate. <i>Litera scripta manet</i>,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span> +and it will go hard if something bad cannot be made of it. +General Harrison, it is well understood, was surrounded, during +his candidacy, with the <i>cordon sanitaire</i> of a vigilance committee. +No prisoner in Spielberg was ever more cautiously +deprived of writing materials. The soot was scraped carefully +from the chimney-places; outposts of expert rifle-shooters +rendered it sure death for any goose (who came clad in feathers) +to approach within a certain limited distance of North +Bend; and all domestic fowls about the premises were reduced +to the condition of Plato's original man. By these precautions +the General was saved. <i>Parva componere magnis</i>, I remember, +that, when party-spirit once ran high among my people, upon +occasion of the choice of a new deacon, I, having my preferences, +yet not caring too openly to express them, made use of +an innocent fraud to bring about that result which I deemed +most desirable. My stratagem was no other than the throwing +a copy of the Complete Letter-Writer in the way of the candidate +whom I wished to defeat. He caught the infection, +and addressed a short note to his constituents, in which the +opposite party detected so many and so grave improprieties +(he had modeled it upon the letter of a young lady accepting +a proposal of marriage), that he not only lost his election, but, +falling under a suspicion of Sabellianism and I know not what +(the widow Endive assured me that he was a Paralipomenon, +to her certain knowledge), was forced to leave the town. Thus +it is that the letter killeth.</p> + +<p>The object which candidates propose to themselves in writing +is to convey no meaning at all. And here is a quite unsuspected +pitfall into which they successively plunge headlong. +For it is precisely in such cryptographies that mankind are +prone to seek for and find a wonderful amount and variety of +significance. <i>Omne ignotum pro mirifico.</i> How do we admire +at the antique world striving to crack those oracular nuts from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span> +Delphi, Ammon, and elsewhere, in only one of which can I +so much as surmise that any kernel had ever lodged; that, +namely, wherein Apollo confessed that he was mortal. One +Didymus is, moreover, related to have written six thousand +books on the single subject of grammar, a topic rendered only +more tenebrific by the labours of his successors, and which +seems still to possess an attraction for authors in proportion +as they can make nothing of it. A singular loadstone for +theologians, also, is the Beast in the Apocalypse, whereof, in +the course of my studies, I have noted two hundred and three +several interpretations, each lethiferal to all the rest. <i>Non +nostrum est tantas componere lites</i>, yet I have myself ventured +upon a two hundred and fourth, which I embodied in a discourse +preached on occasion of the demise of the late usurper, +Napoleon Bonaparte, and which quieted, in a large measure, +the minds of my people. It is true that my views on this important +point were ardently controverted by Mr. Shearjashub +Holden, the then preceptor of our academy, and in other particulars +a very deserving and sensible young man, though possessing +a somewhat limited knowledge of the Greek tongue. +But his heresy struck down no deep root, and, he having been +lately removed by the hand of Providence, I had the satisfaction +of re-affirming my cherished sentiments in a sermon preached +upon the Lord's-day immediately succeeding his funeral. This +might seem like taking an unfair advantage, did I not add that +he had made provision in his last will (being celibate) for the +publication of a posthumous tractate in support of his own +dangerous opinions.</p> + +<p>I know of nothing in our modern times which approaches +so nearly to the ancient oracle as the letter of a Presidential +candidate. Now, among the Greeks, the eating of beans was +strictly forbidden to all such as had it in mind to consult those +expert amphibologists, and this same prohibition on the part<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span> +of Pythagoras to his disciples is understood to imply an abstinence +from politics, beans having been used as ballots. That +other explication, <i>quod videlicet sensus eo cibo obtundi existimaret</i>, +though supported <i>pugnis et calcibus</i> by many of the +learned, and not wanting the countenance of Cicero, is confuted +by the larger experience of New England. On the +whole, I think it safer to apply here the rule of interpretation +which now generally obtains in regard to antique cosmogonies, +myths, fables, proverbial expressions, and knotty points generally, +which is, to find a common-sense meaning, and then +select whatever can be imagined the most opposite thereto. +In this way we arrive at the conclusion, that the Greeks objected +to the questioning of candidates. And very properly, +if, as I conceive, the chief point be not to discover what a person +in that position is, or what he will do, but whether he can +be elected. <i>Vos exemplaria Græca nocturna versate manu, versate +diurna.</i></p> + +<p>But, since an imitation of the Greeks in this particular (the +asking of questions being one chief privilege of freemen) is +hardly to be hoped for, and our candidates will answer, whether +they are questioned or not, I would recommend that these +ante-electionary dialogues should be carried on by symbols, as +were the diplomatic correspondences of the Scythians and +Macrobii, or confined to the language of signs, like the famous +interview of Panurge and Goatsnose. A candidate might then +convey a suitable reply to all committees of inquiry by closing +one eye, or by presenting them with a phial of Egyptian darkness +to be speculated upon by their respective constituencies. +These answers would be susceptible of whatever retrospective +construction the exigencies of the political campaign might +seem to demand, and the candidate could take his position on +either side of the fence with entire consistency. Or, if letters +must be written, profitable use might be made of the Dighton<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span> +rock hieroglyphic or the cuneiform script, every fresh decipherer +of which is enabled to educe a different meaning, whereby a +sculptured stone or two supplies us, and will probably continue +to supply posterity, with a very vast and various body of authentic +history. For even the briefest epistle in the ordinary +chirography is dangerous. There is scarce any style so compressed +that superfluous words may not be detected in it. A +severe critic might curtail that famous brevity of Cæsar's by +two thirds, drawing his pen through the supererogatory <i>veni</i> +and <i>vidi</i>. Perhaps, after all, the surest footing of hope is to +be found in the rapidly increasing tendency to demand less and +less of qualification in candidates. Already have statesmanship, +experience, and the possession (nay, the profession, even) +of principles been rejected as superfluous, and may not the +patriot reasonably hope that the ability to write will follow? +At present, there may be death in pot-hooks as well as pots, +the loop of a letter may suffice for a bow-string, and all the +dreadful heresies of Anti-slavery may lurk in a flourish.—H. W.]</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="No_VIII" id="No_VIII"></a>No. VIII.</h2> + + +<h3>A SECOND LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.</h3> + + + +<div class="hw"><p>[In the following epistle, we behold Mr. Sawin returning a +<i>miles emeritus</i>, to the bosom of his family. <i>Quantum mutatus!</i> +The good Father of us all had doubtless entrusted to the keeping +of this child of his certain faculties of a constructive kind. +He had put in him a share of that vital force, the nicest economy +of every minute atom of which is necessary to the perfect +development of Humanity. He had given him a brain and +heart, and so had equipped his soul with the two strong wings +of knowledge and love, whereby it can mount to hang its nest +under the eaves of heaven. And this child, so dowered, he +had entrusted to the keeping of his vicar, the State. How +stands the account of that stewardship? The State, or Society +(call her by what name you will), had taken no manner +of thought of him till she saw him swept out into the street, +the pitiful leavings of last night's debauch, with cigar-ends, +lemon-parings, tobacco-quids, slops, vile stenches, and the +whole loathsome next-morning of the bar-room,—an own child +of the Almighty God! I remember him as he was brought to +be christened, a ruddy, rugged babe; and now there he wallows, +reeking, seething,—the dead corpse, not of a man, but of a +soul,—a putrefying lump, horrible for the life that is in it. +Comes the wind of heaven, that good Samaritan, and parts the +hair upon his forehead, nor is too nice to kiss those parched,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span> +cracked lips; the morning opens upon him her eyes full of +pitying sunshine, the sky yearns down to him,—and there he +lies fermenting. O sleep! let me not profane thy holy name +by calling that stertorous unconsciousness a slumber! By and +by comes along the State, God's vicar. Does she say,—"My +poor, forlorn foster-child! Behold here a force which I will +make dig and plant and build for me"? Not so, but,—"Here +is a recruit ready-made to my hand, a piece of destroying +energy lying unprofitably idle." So she claps an ugly grey +suit on him, puts a musket in his grasp, and sends him off, +with Gubernatorial and other godspeeds, to do duty as a +destroyer.</p> + +<p>I made one of the crowd at the last Mechanics' Fair, and, +with the rest, stood gazing in wonder at a perfect machine, +with its soul of fire, its boiler-heart that sent the hot blood +pulsing along the iron arteries, and its thews of steel. And +while I was admiring the adaptation of means to end, the harmonious +involutions of contrivance, and the never-bewildered +complexity, I saw a grimed and greasy fellow, the imperious +engine's lackey and drudge, whose sole office was to let fall, +at intervals, a drop or two of oil upon a certain joint. Then +my soul said within me, See there a piece of mechanism to +which that other you marvel at is but as the rude first effort +of a child,—a force which not merely suffices to set a few +wheels in motion, but which can send an impulse all through +the infinite future,—a contrivance, not for turning out pins, +or stitching button-holes, but for making Hamlets and Lears. +And yet this thing of iron shall be housed, waited on, guarded +from rust and dust, and it shall be a crime but so much as to +scratch it with a pin; while the other, with its fire of God in +it, shall be buffeted hither and thither, and finally sent carefully +a thousand miles to be the target for a Mexican cannon-ball. +Unthrifty Mother State! My heart burned within me for pity<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span> +and indignation, and I renewed this covenant with my own +soul,—<i>In aliis mansuetus ero, at, in blasphemiis contra Christum, +non ita.</i>—H. W.]</p></div> + +<div class="cpoem40"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I spose you wonder ware I be; I can't tell, fer the soul o' me,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Exacly ware I be myself,—meanin' by thet the holl o' me.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen I left hum, I hed two legs, an' they worn't bad ones neither<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(The scaliest trick they ever played wuz bringin' on me hither),<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Now one on 'em 's I dunno ware;—they thought I wuz adyin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' sawed it off, because they said 'twuz kin' o' mortifyin';<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'm willin' to believe it wuz, an' yit I don't see, nuther,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wy one should take to feelin' cheap a minnit sooner 'n t'other,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sence both wuz equilly to blame; but things is ez they be;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It took on so they took it off, an' thet 's enough fer me:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There 's one good thing, though, to be said about my wooden new one,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The liquor can't get into it ez 't used to in the true one;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span> +<span class="i0">So it saves drink; an' then, besides, a feller could n't beg.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A gretter blessin' then to hev one ollers sober peg;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It 's true a chap 's in want o' two fer follerin' a drum,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But all the march I 'm up to now is jest to Kingdom Come.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I 've lost one eye, but thet 's a loss it 's easy to supply<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Out o' the glory thet I 've gut, fer thet is all my eye;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' one is big enough, I guess, by diligently usin' it,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To see all I shall ever git by way o' pay fer losin' it;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Off'cers, I notice, who git paid fer all our thumps an' kickins,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Du wal by keepin' single eyes arter the fattest pickins;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So, ez the eye 's put fairly out, I 'll larn to go without it,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' not allow <i>myself</i> to be no gret put out about it.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Now, le' me see, thet is n't all; I used, 'fore leavin' Jaalam,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To count things on my finger-eends, but sutthin' seems to ail 'em:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ware 's my left hand? O, darn it, yes, I recollect wut 's come on 't;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I haint no left arm but my right, an' thet 's gut jest a thumb on 't;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It aint so hendy ez it wuz to cal'late a sum on 't.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 've hed some ribs broke,—six (I b'lieve),—I haint kep' no account on 'em;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Wen pensions git to be the talk, I 'll settle the amount on 'em.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' now I 'm speakin' about ribs, it kin' o' brings to mind<br /></span> +<span class="i0">One thet I could n't never break,—the one I lef' behind;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef you should see her, jest clear out the spout o' your invention<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' pour the longest sweetnin'-in about an annooal pension,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' kin' o' hint (in case, you know, the critter should refuse to be<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Consoled) I aint so 'xpensive now to keep ez wut I used to be;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There 's one arm less, ditto one eye, an' then the leg thet 's wooden<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Can be took off an' sot away wenever ther' 's a puddin'.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I spose you think I 'm comin' back ez opperlunt ez thunder,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With shiploads o' gold images, an' varus sorts o' plunder;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wal, 'fore I vullinteered, I thought this country wuz a sort o'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Canaan, a reg'lar Promised Land flowin' with rum an' water,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ware propaty growed up like time, without no cultivation,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span> +<span class="i0">An' gold wuz dug ez taters be among our Yankee nation,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ware nateral advantages were pufficly amazin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ware every rock there wuz about with precious stuns wuz blazin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ware mill-sites filled the country up ez thick ez you could cram 'em,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' desput rivers run about abeggin' folks to dam 'em;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then there were meetinhouses, tu, chockful o' gold an' silver<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet you could take, an' no one could n't hand ye in no bill fer;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet 's wut I thought afore I went, thet 's wut them fellers told us<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet stayed to hum an' speechified an' to the buzzards sold us;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I thought thet gold mines could be gut cheaper than china asters,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' see myself acomin' back like sixty Jacob Astors;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But sech idees soon melted down an' did n't leave a grease-spot;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I vow my holl sheer o' the spiles would n't come nigh a V spot;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Although, most anywares we 've ben, you need n't break no locks,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nor run no kin' o' risks, to fill your pocket full o' rocks.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I guess I mentioned in my last some o' the nateral feeturs<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O' this all-fiered buggy hole in th' way o' awfle creeturs,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But I fergut to name (new things to speak on so abounded)<br /></span> +<span class="i0">How one day you 'll most die o' thust, an' 'fore the next git drownded.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The clymit seems to me jest like a teapot made o' pewter<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Our Prudence hed, thet would n't pour (all she could du) to suit her;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fust place the leaves 'ould choke the spout, so 's not a drop 'ould dreen out,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then Prude 'ould tip an' tip an' tip, till the holl kit bust clean out,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The kiver-hinge-pin bein' lost, tea-leaves an' tea an' kiver<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'ould all come down <i>kerswosh!</i> ez though the dam broke in a river.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Jest so 't is here; holl months there aint a day o' rainy weather,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' jest ez th' officers 'ould be alayin' heads together<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ez t' how they 'd mix their drink at sech a milingtary deepot,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'T 'ould pour ez though the lid wuz off the everlastin' teapot.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The cons'quence is, thet I shall take, wen I 'm allowed to leave here,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">One piece o' propaty along,—an' thet 's the shakin' fever;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It 's reggilar employment, though, an' thet aint thought to harm one,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nor 't aint so tiresome ez it wuz with t' other leg an' arm on;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' it 's a consolation, tu, although it does n't pay,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To hev it said you 're some gret shakes in any kin' o' way.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'T worn't very long, I tell ye wut, I thought o' fortin-makin',—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">One day a reg'lar shiver-de-freeze, an' next ez good ez bakin',—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">One day abrilin' in the sand, then smoth'rin' in the mashes,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Git up all sound, be put to bed a mess o' hacks an' smashes.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But then, thinks I, at any rate there 's glory to be hed,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet 's an investment, arter all, thet may n't turn out so bad;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But somehow, wen we 'd fit an' licked, I ollers found the thanks<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Gut kin' o' lodged afore they come ez low down ez the ranks;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span> +<span class="i0">The Gin'rals gut the biggest sheer, the Cunnles next, an' so on,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>We</i> never gut a blasted mite o' glory ez I know on;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' spose we hed, I wonder how you 're goin' to contrive its<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Division so 's to give a piece to twenty thousand privits;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef you should multiply by ten the portion o' the brav'st one,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You would n't git more 'n half enough to speak of on a grave-stun;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We git the licks,—we 're jest the grist thet 's put into War's hoppers;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Leftenants is the lowest grade thet helps pick up the coppers.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It may suit folks thet go agin a body with a soul in 't,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' aint contented with a hide without a bagnet hole in 't;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But glory is a kin' o' thing <i>I</i> shan't pursue no furder,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Coz thet 's the off'cers parquisite,—yourn 's on'y jest the murder.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Wal, arter I gin glory up, thinks I at least there 's one<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thing in the bills we aint hed yit, an' thet 's the <span class="smcap">glorious fun</span>;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef once we git to Mexico, we fairly may persume we<br /></span> +<span class="i0">All day an' night shall revel in the halls o' Montezumy.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span> +<span class="i0">I 'll tell ye wut <i>my</i> revels wuz, an' see how you would like 'em;<br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>We</i> never gut inside the hall: the nighest ever <i>I</i> come<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wuz stan'in' sentry in the sun (an', fact, it <i>seemed</i> a cent'ry)<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A ketchin' smells o' biled an' roast thet come out thru the entry,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' hearin', ez I sweltered thru my passes an' repasses,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A rat-tat-too o' knives an' forks, a clinkty-clink o' glasses:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I can't tell off the bill o' fare the Gin'rals hed inside<br /></span> +<span class="i0">All I know is, thet out o' doors a pair o' soles wuz fried,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' not a hunderd miles away frum ware this child wuz posted,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A Massachusetts citizen wuz baked an' biled an' roasted;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The on'y thing like revellin' thet ever come to me<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wuz bein' routed out o' sleep by thet darned revelee.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">They say the quarrel 's settled now; fer my part I 've some doubt on 't,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'T 'll take more fish-skin than folks think to take the rile clean out on 't;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">At any rate, I 'm so used up I can't do no more fightin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The on'y chance thet 's left to me is politics or writin';<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Now, ez the people 's gut to hev a milingtary man,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' I aint nothin' else jest now, I 've hit upon a plan;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span> +<span class="i0">The can'idatin' line, you know, 'ould suit me to a T,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' ef I lose, 't wunt hurt my ears to lodge another flea;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So I 'll set up ez can'idate fer any kin' o' office<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(I mean fer any thet includes good easy-cheers an' soffies;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer ez to runnin' fer a place ware work 's the time o' day,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You know thet 's wut I never did,—except the other way);<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef it 's the Presidential cheer fer wich I 'd better run,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wut two legs anywares about could keep up with my one?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There aint no kin' o' quality in can'idates, it 's said,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So useful ez a wooden leg,—except a wooden head;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There 's nothin' aint so poppylar—(wy, it 's a parfect sin<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To think wut Mexico hez paid fer Santy Anny's pin;)—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then I haint gut no principles, an', sence I wuz knee-high,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I never <i>did</i> hev any gret, ez you can testify;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'm a decided peace-man, tu, an' go agin the war,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer now the holl on 't 's gone an' past, wut is there to go <i>for</i>?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef, wile you 're 'lectioneerin' round, some curus chaps should beg<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To know my views o' state affairs, jest answer <span class="smcap">wooden leg</span>!<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Ef they aint settisfied with thet, an' kin' o' pry an' doubt<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' ax fer sutthin' deffynit, jest say <span class="smcap">one eye put out</span>!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet kin' o' talk I guess you 'll find 'll answer to a charm,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' wen you 're druv tu nigh the wall, hol' up my missin' arm;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef they should nose round fer a pledge, put on a vartoous look<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' tell 'em thet 's percisely wut I never gin nor—took!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Then you can call me "Timbertoes,"—thet 's wut the people likes;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sutthin' combinin' morril truth with phrases sech ez strikes;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Some say the people 's fond o' this, or thet, or wut you please,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I tell ye wut the people want is jest correct idees;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"Old Timbertoes," you see 's a creed it 's safe to be quite bold on,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There 's nothin' in 't the other side can any ways git hold on;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It 's a good tangible idee, a sutthin' to embody<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet valooable class o' men who look thru brandy-toddy;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It gives a Party Platform tu, jest level with the mind<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Of all right-thinkin', honest folks thet mean to go it blind;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then there air other good hooraws to dror on ez you need 'em,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sech ez the <span class="smcap">one-eyed Slarterer</span>, the <span class="smcap">bloody Birdofredum</span>;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Them 's wut takes hold o' folks thet think, ez well ez o' the masses,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' makes you sartin o' the aid o' good men of all classes.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">There 's one thing I 'm in doubt about; in order to be Presidunt,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It 's absolutely ne'ssary to be a Southern residunt;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Constitution settles thet, an' also thet a feller<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Must own a nigger o' some sort, jet black, or brown, or yeller.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Now I haint no objections agin particklar climes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nor agin ownin' anythin' (except the truth sometimes),<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But, ez I haint no capital, up there among ye, may be,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You might raise funds enough fer me to buy a low-priced baby,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' then, to suit the No'thern folks, who feel obleeged to say<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They hate an' cuss the very thing they vote fer every day,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Say you 're assured I go full butt fer Libbaty's diffusion<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span> +<span class="i0">An' made the purchis on'y jest to spite the Institootion;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But, golly! there 's the currier's hoss upon the pavement pawin'!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'll be more 'xplicit in my next.<br /></span> +</div></div></div> + +<p class="sign1">Yourn,<br /> +BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN.</p> + + +<div class="hw"><p>[We have now a tolerably fair chance of estimating how the +balance-sheet stands between our returned volunteer and glory. +Supposing the entries to be set down on both sides of the account +in fractional parts of one hundred, we shall arrive at something +like the following result:—</p></div> + + +<div class='center'> +<table class="taba" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td class="center" colspan="7"><span class="smcap">B. Sawin</span>, Esq., <i>in account with</i> (<span class="smcap">Blank</span>) <span class="smcap">Glory</span>.</td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf1"><i>Cr.</i></td><td class="center" colspan="5"> </td><td class="rt1"><i>Dr.</i></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="lf1">By</td><td class="lf1">loss of one leg</td><td class="rt1">20</td><td class="rt1" style="width:10%;"> </td><td class="lf1">To</td><td class="lf1">one 675th three cheers</td><td class="rt1"> </td></tr> + +<tr><td class="lf1">"</td><td class="lf1">do. one arm</td><td class="rt1">15</td><td class="rt1"> </td><td class="lf1"> </td><td class="lf1">in Faneuil Hall</td><td class="rt1">30</td></tr> + + +<tr> +<td class="lf1">"</td> +<td class="lf1">do. four fingers</td> +<td class="rt1">5</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">"</td> +<td class="lf1">do. do. on occasion</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1">"</td> +<td class="lf1">do. one eye</td> +<td class="rt1">10</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">of presentation of</td> +<td class="rt1"></td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1">"</td> +<td class="lf1">the breaking of six ribs</td> +<td class="rt1">6</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">sword to Colonel Wright</td> +<td class="rt1">25</td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1">"</td> +<td class="lf1">having served under</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">"</td> +<td class="lf1">one suit of grey clothes</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">Colonel Cushing one</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">(ingeniously unbecoming)</td> +<td class="rt1">15</td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">month</td> +<td class="rt1">44</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">"</td> +<td class="lf1">musical entertainments</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">(drum and fife six</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">months)</td> +<td class="rt1">5</td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">"</td> +<td class="lf1">one dinner after return</td> +<td class="rt1">1</td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">"</td> +<td class="lf1">chance of pension</td> +<td class="rt1">1</td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">"</td> +<td class="lf1">privilege of drawing</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">longbow during rest of</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">natural life</td> +<td class="rt1">23</td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="rt1">——</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="rt1">——</td></tr> + +<tr> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1">E. E.</td> +<td class="rt1">100</td> +<td class="rt1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="lf1"> </td> +<td class="rt1">100</td></tr> + +</table></div> + + +<div class="hw"><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span>It would appear that Mr. Sawin found the actual feast +curiously the reverse of the bill of fare advertised in Faneuil +Hall and other places. His primary object seems to have +been the making of his fortune. <i>Quærenda pecunia primum, +virtus post nummos.</i> He hoisted sail for Eldorado, and shipwrecked +on Point Tribulation. <i>Quid non mortalia pectora +cogis, auri sacra fames?</i> The speculation has sometimes +crossed my mind, in that dreary interval of drought which +intervenes between quarterly stipendiary showers, that Providence, +by the creation of a money-tree, might have simplified +wonderfully the sometimes perplexing problem of human life. +We read of bread-trees, the butter for which lies ready-churned +in Irish bogs. Milk-trees we are assured of in South +America, and stout Sir John Hawkins testifies to water-trees +in the Canaries. Boot-trees bear abundantly in Lynn and +elsewhere; and I have seen, in the entries of the wealthy, hat-trees +with a fair show of fruit. A family-tree I once cultivated +myself, and found therefrom but a scanty yield, and that +quite tasteless and innutritious. Of trees bearing men we are +not without examples; as those in the park of Louis the +Eleventh of France. Who has forgotten, moreover, that +olive-tree growing in the Athenian's back-garden, with its +strange uxorious crop, for the general propagation of which, +as of a new and precious variety, the philosopher Diogenes, +hitherto uninterested in arboriculture, was so zealous? In +the <i>sylva</i> of our own Southern States, the females of my family +have called my attention to the china-tree. Not to multiply +examples, I will barely add to my list the birch-tree, in the +smaller branches of which has been implanted so miraculous +a virtue for communicating the Latin and Greek languages, +and which may well therefore be classed among the trees +producing necessaries of life,—<i>venerabile donum fatalis virgæ</i>. +That money-trees existed in the golden age there want not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span> +prevalent reasons for our believing. For does not the old +proverb, when it asserts that money does not grow on <i>every</i> +bush, imply <i>à fortiori</i>, that there were certain bushes which +did produce it? Again, there is another ancient saw to the +effect that money is the <i>root</i> of all evil. From which two +adages it may be safe to infer that the aforesaid species of tree +first degenerated into a shrub, then absconded underground, +and finally, in our iron age, vanished altogether. In favourable +exposures it may be conjectured that a specimen or two survived +to a great age, as in the garden of the Hesperides; and, +indeed, what else could that tree in the Sixth Æneid have +been, with a branch whereof the Trojan hero procured admission +to a territory, for the entering of which money is a +surer passport than to a certain other more profitable (too) +foreign kingdom? Whether these speculations of mine have +any force in them, or whether they will not rather, by most +readers, be deemed impertinent to the matter in hand, is a +question which I leave to the determination of an indulgent +posterity. That there were, in more primitive and happier +times, shops where money was sold,—and that, too, on credit +and at a bargain,—I take to be matter of demonstration. For +what but a dealer in this article was that Æolus who supplied +Ulysses with motive power for his fleet in bags? What that +Ericus, king of Sweden, who is said to have kept the winds in +his cap? What, in more recent times, those Lapland Nornas +who traded in favourable breezes? All which will appear the +more clearly when we consider, that, even to this day, <i>raising +the wind</i> is proverbial for raising money, and that brokers and +banks were invented by the Venetians at a later period.</p> + +<p>And now for the improvement of this digression. I find a +parallel to Mr. Sawin's fortune in an adventure of my own. +For, shortly after I had first broached to myself the before-stated +natural-historical and archæological theories, as I was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span> +passing, <i>hæc negotia penitus mecum revolvens</i>, through one +of the obscure suburbs of our New England metropolis, my +eye was attracted by these words upon a sign-board,—<span class="smcap">Cheap +Cash-Store</span>. Here was at once the confirmation of my speculations, +and the substance of my hopes. Here lingered the +fragment of a happier past, or stretched out the first tremulous +organic filament of a more fortunate future. Thus glowed the +distant Mexico to the eyes of Sawin, as he looked through the +dirty pane of the recruiting-office window, or speculated from +the summit of that mirage-Pisgah which the imps of the bottle +are so cunning in raising up. Already had my Alnaschar-fancy +(even during that first half-believing glance) expended in various +useful directions the funds to be obtained by pledging +the manuscript of a proposed volume of discourses. Already +did a clock ornament the tower of the Jaalam meeting-house—a +gift appropriately, but modestly, commemorated in the parish +and town records, both, for now many years, kept by myself. +Already had my son Seneca completed his course at the University. +Whether, for the moment, we may not be considered +as actually lording it over those Baratarias with the viceroyalty +of which Hope invests us, and whether we are ever so warmly +housed as in our Spanish castles, would afford matter of argument. +Enough that I found that sign-board to be no other +than a bait to the trap of a decayed grocer. Nevertheless, I +bought a pound of dates (getting short weight by reason of +immense flights of harpy flies, who pursued and lighted upon +their prey even in the very scales), which purchase I made, +not only with an eye to the little ones at home, but also as a +figurative reproof of that too-frequent habit of my mind, which, +forgetting the due order of chronology, will often persuade me +that the happy sceptre of Saturn is stretched over this Astræa-forsaken +nineteenth century.</p> + +<p>Having glanced at the ledger of Glory under the title<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span> +<i>Sawin, B.</i>, let us extend our investigations, and discover if that +instructive volume does not contain some charges more personally +interesting to ourselves. I think we should be more +economical of our resources, did we thoroughly appreciate the +fact, that, whenever Brother Jonathan seems to be thrusting +his hand into his own pocket, he is, in fact, picking ours. I +confess that the late <i>muck</i> which the country has been running, +has materially changed my views as to the best method of +raising revenue. If, by means of direct taxation, the bills for +every extraordinary outlay were brought under our immediate +eye, so that, like thrifty housekeepers, we could see where and +how fast the money was going, we should be less likely to +commit extravagances. At present, these things are managed +in such a hugger-mugger way, that we know not what we pay +for; the poor man is charged as much as the rich; and, while +we are saving and scrimping at the spigot, the government is +drawing off at the bung. If we could know that a part of the +money we expend for tea and coffee goes to buy powder and +ball, and that it is Mexican blood which makes the clothes on +our backs more costly, it would set some of us athinking. +During the present fall, I have often pictured to myself a +government official entering my study, and handing me the +following bill:—</p></div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> +<table class="tabc" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary=""> + +<tr><td class="rt1" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Washington</span>, Sept. 30, 1848.</td></tr> +<tr><td class="rt1" colspan="2"> </td></tr> +<tr><td class="center"><span class="smcap">Rev. Homer Wilbur</span> <i>to</i> <b>Uncle Samuel</b>,</td><td class="rt1"><i>Dr.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td class="rt1" colspan="2"> </td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf2">To his share of work done in Mexico on partnership account, sundry jobs, as below.</td><td class="rt1" style="width: 15%;"> </td></tr> + +<tr><td class="lf2">" killing, maiming, and wounding about 5,000 Mexicans</td><td class="rt1">$2.00</td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf2">" slaughtering one woman carrying water to wounded</td><td class="rt1">.10</td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf2">" extra work on two different Sabbaths (one bombardment +and one assault) whereby the Mexicans were prevented +from defiling themselves with the idolatries of high +mass</td><td class="rt1">3.50</td></tr> + +<tr><td class="lf2">" throwing an especially fortunate and Protestant +bomb-shell into the Cathedral at Vera Cruz, whereby +several female Papists were slain at the altar</td><td class="rt1">.50</td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf2">" his proportion of cash paid for conquered territory</td><td class="rt1">1.75</td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf2">" do. do. for conquering do.</td><td class="rt1">1.50</td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf2">" manuring do. with new superior compost called +"American Citizen"</td><td class="rt1">.50</td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf2">" extending the area of freedom and Protestantism</td><td class="rt1">.01</td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf2">" glory</td><td class="rt1">.01</td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf2"> </td><td class="rt1">———</td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf2"> </td><td class="rt1">$9.87</td></tr> +<tr><td class="lf2"><i>Immediate payment is requested.</i></td><td class="rt1"> </td></tr> +</table></div> + +<p>N.B. Thankful for former favours, U. S. requests a continuance +of patronage. Orders executed with neatness and +despatch. Terms as low as those of any other contractor for +the same kind and style of work.</p> + + +<div class="hw"><p>I can fancy the official answering my look of horror with,—"Yes, +Sir, it looks like a high charge, Sir; but in these days +slaughtering is slaughtering." Verily, I would that every one +understood that it was; for it goes about obtaining money +under the false pretence of being glory. For me, I have an +imagination which plays me uncomfortable tricks. It happens +to me sometimes to see a slaughterer on his way home from +his day's work, and forthwith my imagination puts a cocked-hat +upon his head, and epaulettes upon his shoulders, and sets +him up as a candidate for the Presidency. So, also, on a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span> +recent public occasion, as the place assigned to the "Reverend +Clergy" is just behind that of "Officers of the Army and +Navy" in processions, it was my fortune to be seated at the +dinner-table over against one of these respectable persons. +He was arrayed as (out of his own profession) only kings, +court-officers, and footmen are in Europe, and Indians in America. +Now what does my over-officious imagination but set to +work upon him, strip him of his gay livery, and present him +to me coatless, his trousers thrust into the tops of a pair of +boots thick with clotted blood, and a basket on his arm out of +which lolled a gore-smeared axe, thereby destroying my relish +for the temporal mercies upon the board before me.—H. W.]</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="No_IX" id="No_IX"></a>No. IX.</h2> + + +<h3>A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.</h3> + + + +<div class="hw"><p>[Upon the following letter slender comment will be needful. +In what river Selemnus has Mr. Sawin bathed, that he has +become so swiftly oblivious of his former loves? From an +ardent and (as befits a soldier) confident wooer of that coy +bride, the popular favour, we see him subside of a sudden into +the (I trust not jilted) Cincinnatus, returning to his plough +with a goodly-sized branch of willow in his hand; figuratively +returning, however, to a figurative plough, and from no profound +affection for that honoured implement of husbandry (for which, +indeed, Mr. Sawin never displayed any decided predilection), +but in order to be gracefully summoned therefrom to more +congenial labours. It would seem that the character of the +ancient Dictator had become part of the recognised stock of +our modern political comedy, though, as our term of office +extends to a quadrennial length, the parallel is not so minutely +exact as could be desired. It is sufficiently so, however, for +purposes of scenic representation. An humble cottage (if +built of logs, the better) forms the Arcadian background of the +stage. This rustic paradise is labeled Ashland, Jaalam, North +Bend, Marshfield, Kinderhook, or Bâton Rouge, as occasion +demands. Before the door stands a something with one handle +(the other painted in proper perspective), which represents, in +happy ideal vagueness, the plough. To this the defeated candidate +rushes with delirious joy, welcomed as a father by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span> +appropriate groups of happy labourers, or from it the successful +one is torn with difficulty, sustained alone by a noble sense +of public duty. Only I have observed, that, if the scene be +laid at Bâton Rouge or Ashland, the labourers are kept carefully +in the background, and are heard to shout from behind +the scenes in a singular tone, resembling ululation, and accompanied +by a sound not unlike vigorous clapping. This, however, +may be artistically in keeping with the habits of the rustic +population of those localities. The precise connexion between +agricultural pursuits and statesmanship I have not been able, +after diligent inquiry, to discover. But, that my investigations +may not be barren of all fruit, I will mention one curious statistical +fact, which I consider thoroughly established, namely, +that no real farmer ever attains practically beyond a seat in +General Court, however theoretically qualified for more exalted +station.</p> + +<p>It is probable that some other prospect has been opened to +Mr. Sawin, and that he has not made this great sacrifice without +some definite understanding in regard to a seat in the +cabinet, or a foreign mission. It may be supposed that we of +Jaalam were not untouched by a feeling of villatic pride in +beholding our townsman occupying so large a space in the +public eye. And to me, deeply revolving the qualifications +necessary to a candidate in these frugal times, those of Mr. S. +seemed peculiarly adapted to a successful campaign. The loss +of a leg, an arm, an eye, and four fingers, reduced him so +nearly to the condition of a <i>vox et præterea nihil</i>, that I could +think of nothing but the loss of his head by which his chance +could have been bettered. But since he has chosen to baulk +our suffrages, we must content ourselves with what we can +get, remembering <i>lactucas non esse dandas, dum cardui sufficiant</i>.—H. W.]<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span></p></div> + +<div class="cpoem35"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I spose you recollect thet I explained my gennle views<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In the last billet thet I writ, 'way down frum Veery Cruze,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Jest arter I 'd a kind o' ben spontanously sot up<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To run unanimously fer the Presidential cup;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O' course it worn't no wish o' mine, 't wuz ferfiely distressin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But poppiler enthusiasm gut so almighty pressin'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet, though like sixty all along I fumed an' fussed an' sorrered,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There did n't seem no ways to stop their bringin' on me forrerd:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fact is, they udged the matter so, I could n't help admittin'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Father o' his Country's shoes no feet but mine 'ould fit in,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Besides the savin' o' the soles fer ages to succeed,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Seein' thet with one wannut foot, a pair 'd be more 'n I need;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An', tell ye wut, them shoes 'll want a thund'rin' sight o' patchin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef this ere fashion is to last we 've gut into o' hatchin'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A pair o' second Washintons fer every new election,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Though, fur ez number one 's consarned, I don't make no objection.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I wuz agoin' on to say thet wen at fust I saw<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The masses would stick to 't I wuz the Country's father-'n-law<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(They would ha' hed it <i>Father</i>, but I told 'em 't would n't du,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Coz thet wuz sutthin' of a sort they could n't split in tu,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' Washinton hed hed the thing laid fairly to his door,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nor dars n't say 't worn't his'n, much ez sixty year afore),<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But 't aint no matter ez to thet; wen I wuz nomernated,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'T worn't natur but wut I should feel consid'able elated,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' wile the hooraw o' the thing wuz kind o' noo an' fresh,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I thought our ticket would ha' caird the country with a resh.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Sence I 've come hum, though, an' looked round, I think I seem to find<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Strong argimunts ez thick ez fleas to make me change my mind;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It 's clear to any one whose brain ain't fur gone in a phthisis,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet hail Columby's happy land is goin' thru a crisis,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span> +<span class="i0">An' 't would n't noways du to hev the people's mind distracted<br /></span> +<span class="i0">By bein' all to once by sev'ral pop'lar names attackted;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'T would save holl haycartloads o' fuss an' three four months o' jaw,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef some illustrous paytriot should back out an' withdraw;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So, ez I aint a crooked stick, jest like—like ole (I swow,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I dunno ez I know his name)—I 'll go back to my plough.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Now, 't aint no more 'n is proper 'n' right in sech a sitooation<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To hint the course you think 'll be the savin' o' the nation;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To funk right out o' p'lit'cal strife aint thought to be the thing,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Without you deacon off the toon you want your folks should sing;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So I edvise the noomrous friends thet 's in one boat with me<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To jest up killock, jam right down their hellum hard a lee,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Haul the sheets taut, an', laying out upon the Suthun tack,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Make fer the safest port they can, wich, <i>I</i> think, is Ole Zack.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Next thing you 'll want to know, I spose, wut argimunts I seem<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To see thet makes me think this ere 'll be the strongest team;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fust place, I've ben consid'ble round in bar-rooms an' saloons<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Agethrin' public sentiment, 'mongst Demmercrats and Coons,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' 't aint ve'y offen thet I meet a chap but wut goes in<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer Rough an' Ready, fair an' square, hufs, taller, horns, an' skin;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I don't deny but wut, fer one, ez fur ez I could see,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I didn't like at fust the Pheladelphy nomernee;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I could ha' pinted to a man thet wuz, I guess, a peg<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Higher than him,—a soger, tu, an' with a wooden leg;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But every day with more an' more o' Taylor zeal I 'm burnin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Seein' wich way the tide thet sets to office is aturnin';<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wy, into Bellers's we notched the votes down on three sticks,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'T wuz Birdofredum <i>one</i>, Cass <i>aught</i>, an' Taylor <i>twenty-six</i>,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An', bein' the on'y canderdate thet wuz upon the ground,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They said 't wuz no more 'n right thet I should pay the drinks all round;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Ef I 'd expected sech a trick, I would n't ha' cut my foot<br /></span> +<span class="i0">By goin' an' votin' fer myself like a consumed coot;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It did n't make no diff'rence, though; I wish I may be cust,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef Bellers wuz n't slim enough to say he would n't trust!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Another pint thet influences the minds o' sober jedges<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Is thet the Gin'ral hez n't gut tied hand an' foot with pledges;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He hez n't told ye wut he is, an' so there aint no knowin'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But wut he may turn out to be the best there is agoin';<br /></span> +<span class="i0">This, at the on'y spot thet pinched, the shoe directly eases,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Coz every one is free to 'xpect percisely wut he pleases:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I want free-trade; you don't; the Gin'ral is n't bound to neither;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I vote my way; you, yourn; an' both air sooted to a T there.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ole Rough an' Ready, tu, 's a Wig, but without bein' ultry<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(He 's like a holsome hayinday, thet 's warm, but is n't sultry);<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He 's jest wut I should call myself, a kin' o' <i>scratch</i>, ez 't ware,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Thet aint exacly all a wig nor wholly your own hair;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 've ben a Wig three weeks myself, jest o' this mod'rate sort,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' don't find them an' Demmercrats so different ez I thought;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They both act pooty much alike, an' push an' scrouge an' cus;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They 're like two pickpockets in league fer Uncle Samwell's pus;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Each takes a side, an' then they squeeze the old man in between 'em,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Turn all his pockets wrong side out an' quick ez lightnin' clean 'em;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To nary one on 'em I 'd trust a secon'-handed rail<br /></span> +<span class="i0">No furder off 'an I could sling a bullock by the tail.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Webster sot matters right in that air Mashfiel' speech o' his'n;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"Taylor," sez he, "aint nary ways the one thet I 'd a chizzen,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nor he ain't fittin' fer the place, an' like ez not he aint<br /></span> +<span class="i0">No more 'n a tough ole bullethead, an' no gret of a saint;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But then," sez he, "obsarve my pint, he's jest ez good to vote fer<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ez though the greasin' on him worn't a thing to hire Choate fer;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Aint it ez easy done to drop a ballot in a box<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Fer one ez 't is fer t' other, fer the bulldog ez the fox?"<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It takes a mind like Dannel's, fact, ez big ez all ou' doors,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To find out thet it looks like rain arter it fairly pours;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'gree with him, it aint so dreffle troublesome to vote<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer Taylor arter all,—it 's jest to go an' change your coat;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen he's once greased, you 'll swaller him an' never know on't, source,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Unless he scratches, goin' down, with them air Gin'ral's spurs.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 've ben a votin' Demmercrat, ez reg'lar ez a clock,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But don't find goin' Taylor gives my narves no gret 'f a shock;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Truth is, the cutest leadin' Wigs, ever sence fust they found<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wich side the bread gut buttered on, hev kep' a edgin' round;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They kin' o' slipt the planks frum out th' ole platform one by one<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' made it gradooally noo, 'fore folks know'd wut wuz done,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Till, fur 'z I know, there aint an inch thet I could lay my han' on,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But I, or any Demmercrat, feels comf'table to stan' on,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span> +<span class="i0">An' ole Wig doctrines act'lly look, their occ'pants bein' gone,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Lonesome ez staddles on a mash without no hay-ricks on.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I spose it 's time now I should give my thoughts upon the plan,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet chipped the shell at Buffalo, o' settin' up ole Van.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I used to vote fer Martin, but, I swan, I 'm clean disgusted,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He aint the man thet I can say is fittin' to be trusted;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He aint half antislav'ry 'nough, nor I aint sure, ez some be,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He 'd go in fer abolishin' the Deestrick o' Columby;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An', now I come to recollect, it kin' o' makes me sick 'z<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A horse, to think o' wut he wuz in eighteen thirty-six.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' then, another thing;—I guess, though mebby I am wrong,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">This Buff'lo plaster aint agoin' to dror almighty strong;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Some folks, I know, hev gut th' idee thet No'thun dough 'll rise,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Though, 'fore I see it riz an' baked, I would n't trust my eyes;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'T will take more emptins, a long chalk, than this noo party 's gut,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To give sech heavy cakes ez them a start, I tell ye wut.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span> +<span class="i0">But even ef they caird the day, there would n't be no endurin'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To stand upon a platform with sech critters ez Van Buren;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' his son John, tu, I can't think how thet air chap should dare<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To speak ez he doos; wy, they say he used to cuss an' swear!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I spose he never read the hymn thet tells how down the stairs<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A feller with long legs wuz throwed thet would n't say his prayers.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">This brings me to another pint: the leaders o' the party<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Aint jest sech men ez I can act along with free an' hearty;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They aint not quite respectable, an' wen a feller's morrils<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Don't toe the straightest kin' o' mark, wy, him an' me jest quarrils.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I went to a free soil meetin' once, an' wut d' ye think I see?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A feller wuz aspoutin' there thet act'lly come to me,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">About two year ago last spring, ez nigh ez I can jedge,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' axed me ef I didn't want to sign the Temprunce pledge!<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span> +<span class="i0">He 's one o' them thet goes about an' sez you hed n't ough' to<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Drink nothin', mornin', noon, or night, stronger 'an Taunton water.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There 's one rule I 've ben guided by, in settlin' how to vote, ollers,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I take the side thet <i>is n't</i> took by them consarned tee-totallers.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Ez fer the niggers, I 've been South, an' thet hez changed my mind;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A lazier, more ungrateful set you could n't nowers find.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You know I mentioned in my last thet I should buy a nigger,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ef I could make a purchase at a pooty mod'rate figger;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So, ez there 's nothin' in the world I 'm fonder of 'an gunnin',<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I closed a bargin finally to take a feller runnin'.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I shou'dered queen's-arm an' stumped out, an' wen I come t' th' swamp,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'T worn't very long afore I gut upon the nest o' Pomp;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I come acrost a kin' o' hut, an', playin' round the door,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Some little woolly-headed cubs, ez many 'z six or more.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">At fust I thought o' firin', but <i>think twice</i> is safest ollers;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There aint, thinks I, not one on em' but 's wuth his twenty dollars,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Or would be, ef I hed 'em back into a Christian land,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">How temptin' all on 'em would look upon an auction-stand!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(Not but wut <i>I</i> hate Slavery in th' abstract, stem to starn,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I leave it ware our fathers did, a privit State consarn.)<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Soon 'z they see <i>me</i>, they yelled an' run, but Pomp wuz out ahoein'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A leetle patch o' corn he hed, or else there aint no knowin'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He would n't ha' took a pop at me; but I hed gut the start,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' wen he looked, I vow he groaned ez though he'd broke his heart;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He done it like a wite man, tu, ez nat'ral ez a pictur,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The imp'dunt, pis'nous hypocrite! wus 'an a boy constrictur.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"You can 't gum <i>me</i>, I tell ye now, an' so you need n't try,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'xpect my eye-teeth every mail, so jest shet up," sez I.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"Don't go to actin' ugly now, or else I 'll jest let strip,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You 'd best draw kindly, seein' 'z how I 've gut ye on the hip;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Besides, you darned ole fool, it aint no gret of a disaster<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To be benev'lently druv back to a contented master,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span> +<span class="i0">Ware you hed Christian priv'ledges you don't seem quite aware of,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or you 'd ha' never run away from bein' well took care of;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ez fer kin' treatment, wy, he wuz so fond on ye, he said<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He 'd give a fifty spot right out, to git ye, 'live or dead;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wite folks aint sot by half ez much; 'member I run away,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen I wuz bound to Cap'n Jakes, to Mattysqumscot bay;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Don' know him, likely? Spose not; wal, the mean ole codger went<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' offered—wut reward, think? Wal, it worn't no <i>less</i> 'n a cent."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Wal, I jest gut 'em into line, an druv 'em on afore me,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The pis'nous brutes, I 'd no idee o' the ill-will they bore me;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We walked till som'ers about noon, an' then it grew so hot<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I thought it best to camp awile, so I chose out a spot<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Jest under a magnoly tree, an' there right down I sot;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then I unstrapped my wooden leg, coz it begun to chafe,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' laid it down jest by my side, supposin' all wuz safe;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span> +<span class="i0">I made my darkies all set down around me in a ring,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' sot an' kin' o' ciphered up how much the lot would bring;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But, wile I drinked the peaceful cup of a pure heart an' mind<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(Mixed with some wiskey, now an' then), Pomp he snaked up behind,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An', creepin' grad'lly close tu, ez quiet ez a mink,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Jest grabbed my leg, and then pulled foot, quicker 'an you could wink,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An', come to look, they each on 'em hed gut behin' a tree,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' Pomp poked out the leg a piece, jest so ez I could see,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' yelled to me to throw away my pistils an' my gun,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or else thet they 'd cair off the leg an' fairly cut the run.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I vow I did n't b'lieve there wuz a decent alligatur<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet hed a heart so destitoot o' common human natur;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">However, ez there worn't no help, I finally gev in<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' heft my arms away to git my leg safe back agin.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Pomp gethered all the weapins up, an' then he come an' grinned,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He showed his ivory some, I guess, an' sez, "You 're fairly pinned;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Jest buckle on your leg agin, an' git right up an' come,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span> +<span class="i0">'T wun't du fer fammerly men like me to be so long from hum."<br /></span> +<span class="i0">At fust I put my foot right down an' swore I would n't budge.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"Jest ez you choose," sez he, quite cool, "either be shot or trudge."<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So this black-hearted monster took an' act'lly druv me back<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Along the very feetmarks o' my happy mornin' track,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' kep' me pris'ner 'bout six months, an' worked me, tu, like sin,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Till I bed gut his corn an' his Carliny taters in;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He made me larn him readin', tu (although the crittur saw<br /></span> +<span class="i0">How much it hurt my morril sense to act agin the law),<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So 'st he could read a Bible he 'd gut; an' axed ef I could pint<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The North Star out; but there I put his nose some out o' jint,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fer I weeled roun' about sou'west, an', lookin' up a bit,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Picked out a middlin' shiny one an' tole him thet wuz it.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Fin'lly, he took me to the door, an', givin' me a kick,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sez,—"Ef you know wut 's best fer ye, be off, now, double-quick;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span> +<span class="i0">The winter-time 's a comin' on, an', though I gut ye cheap,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You 're so darned lazy, I don't think you 're hardly wuth your keep;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Besides, the childrin's growin' up, an' you aint jest the model<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I 'd like to hev 'em immertate, an' so you 'd better toddle!"<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Now is there any thin' on airth 'll ever prove to me<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thet renegader slaves like him air fit fer bein' free?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">D' you think they 'll suck me in to jine the Buff'lo chaps, an' them<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Rank infidels thet go agin the Scriptur'l cus o' Shem?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Not by a jugfull! sooner 'n thet, I 'd go thru fire an' water;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wen I hev once made up my mind, a meet'nhus aint sotter;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">No, not though all the crows thet flies to pick my bones wuz cawin',—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I guess we 're in a Christian land,—<br /></span> +</div></div></div> + +<p class="sign1">Yourn,<br /> +BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN.</p> + + +<div class="hw"><p>[Here, patient reader, we take leave of each other, I trust +with some mutual satisfaction. I say <i>patient</i>, for I love not +that kind which skims dippingly over the surface of the page, +as swallows over a pool before rain. By such no pearls shall<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span> +be gathered. But if no pearls there be (as, indeed, the world +is not without example of books wherefrom the longest-winded +diver shall bring up no more than his proper handful +of mud), yet let us hope that an oyster or two may reward +adequate perseverance. If neither pearls nor oysters, yet is +patience itself a gem worth diving deeply for.</p> + +<p>It may seem to some that too much space has been usurped +by my own private lucubrations, and some may be fain to +bring against me that old jest of him who preached all his +hearers out of the meeting-house save only the sexton, who, +remaining for yet a little space, from a sense of official duty, at +last gave out also, and, presenting the keys, humbly requested +our preacher to lock the doors, when he should have wholly +relieved himself of his testimony. I confess to a satisfaction +in the self act of preaching, nor do I esteem a discourse to be +wholly thrown away even upon a sleeping or unintelligent +auditory. I cannot easily believe that the Gospel of St. John, +which Jacques Cartier ordered to be read in the Latin tongue +to the Canadian savages, upon his first meeting with them, +fell altogether upon stony ground. For the earnestness of the +preacher is a sermon appreciable by dullest intellects and most +alien ears. In this wise did Episcopius convert many to his +opinions, who yet understood not the language in which he +discoursed. The chief thing is, that the messenger believe +that he has an authentic message to deliver. For counterfeit +messengers that mode of treatment which Father John de +Plano Carpini relates to have prevailed among the Tartars +would seem effectual, and, perhaps, deserved enough. For +my own part, I may lay claim to so much of the spirit of +martyrdom as would have led me to go into banishment with +those clergymen whom Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal drave +out of his kingdom for refusing to shorten their pulpit eloquence. +It is possible, that, having been invited into my<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span> +brother Biglow's desk, I may have been too little scrupulous +in using it for the venting of my own peculiar doctrines to a +congregation drawn together in the expectation and with the +desire of hearing him.</p> + +<p>I am not wholly unconscious of a peculiarity of mental organization +which impels me, like the railroad-engine with its +train of cars, to run backward for a short distance in order +to obtain a fairer start. I may compare myself to one fishing +from the rocks when the sea runs high, who, misinterpreting +the suction of the undertow for the biting of some larger fish, +jerks suddenly, and finds that he has <i>caught bottom</i>, hauling +in upon the end of his line a trail of various <i>algæ</i>, among +which, nevertheless, the naturalist may haply find somewhat +to repay the disappointment of the angler. Yet have I conscientiously +endeavoured to adapt myself to the impatient +temper of the age, daily degenerating more and more from the +high standard of our pristine New England. To the catalogue +of lost arts I would mournfully add also that of listening +to two-hour sermons. Surely we have been abridged into a +race of pigmies. For, truly, in those of the old discourses +yet subsisting to us in print, the endless spinal column of +divisions and subdivisions can be likened to nothing so exactly +as to the vertebræ of the saurians, whence the theorist may +conjecture a race of Anakim proportionate to the withstanding +of these other monsters. I say Anakim rather than Nephelim, +because there seem reasons for supposing that the race +of those whose heads (though no giants) are constantly enveloped +in clouds (which that name imports) will never become +extinct. The attempt to vanquish the innumerable +<i>heads</i> of one of those aforementioned discourses may supply +us with a plausible interpretation of the second labour of Hercules, +and his successful experiment with fire affords us a +useful precedent.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span></p> + +<p>But while I lament the degeneracy of the age in this regard, +I cannot refuse to succumb to its influence. Looking out +through my study-window, I see Mr. Biglow at a distance +busy in gathering his Baldwins, of which, to judge by the +number of barrels lying about under the trees, his crop is +more abundant than my own,—by which sight I am admonished +to turn to those orchards of the mind wherein my +labours may be more prospered, and apply myself diligently to +the preparation of my next Sabbath's discourse.—H. W.]</p></div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="GLOSSARY" id="GLOSSARY"></a>GLOSSARY.</h2> + + +<p class="head7">A.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Act'lly, <i>actually</i>.</li> + +<li>Air, <i>are</i>.</li> + +<li>Airth, <i>earth</i>.</li> + +<li>Airy, <i>area</i>.</li> + +<li>Aree, <i>area</i>.</li> + +<li>Arter, <i>after</i>.</li> + +<li>Ax, <i>ask</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">B.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Beller, <i>bellow</i>.</li> + +<li>Bellowses, <i>lunge</i>.</li> + +<li>Ben, <i>been</i>.</li> + +<li>Bile, <i>boil</i>.</li> + +<li>Bimeby, <i>by and by</i>.</li> + +<li>Blurt out, <i>to speak bluntly</i>.</li> + +<li>Bust, <i>burst</i>.</li> + +<li>Buster, <i>a roistering blade</i>;<ul> +<li>used also as a general superlative.</li></ul></li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">C.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Caird, <i>carried</i>.</li> + +<li>Cairn, <i>carrying</i>.</li> + +<li>Caleb, <i>a turncoat</i>.</li> + +<li>Cal'late, <i>calculate</i>.</li> + +<li>Cass, <i>a person with two lives</i>.</li> + +<li>Close, <i>clothes</i>.</li> + +<li>Cockerel, <i>a young cock</i>.</li> + +<li>Cocktail, <i>a kind of drink</i>;<ul> +<li>also, <i>an ornament peculiar to soldiers</i>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Convention, <i>a place where people are imposed on</i>;<ul> +<li><i>a juggler's show</i>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Coons, <i>a cant term for a now defunct party</i>;<ul> +<li>derived, perhaps, from the fact of their being commonly <i>up a tree</i>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Cornwallis, <i>a sort of muster in masquerade</i>;<ul> +<li>supposed to have had its origin soon after the Revolution, and to commemorate the surrender of Lord Cornwallis. It took the place of the old Guy Fawkes procession.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Crooked stick, <i>a perverse, froward person</i>.</li> + +<li>Cunnle, <i>a colonel</i>.</li> + +<li>Cus, <i>a curse</i>;<ul> +<li>also, <i>a pitiful fellow</i>.</li></ul></li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">D.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Darsn't, used indiscriminately, either in singular or plural number, for <i>dare not</i>, <i>dares not</i>, and <i>dared not</i>.</li> + +<li>Deacon off, <i>to give the cue to</i>;<ul> +<li>derived from a custom, once universal, but now extinct, in our New England Congregational churches. An important part of the office of deacon was to read aloud the hymns <i>given out</i> by the minister, one line at a time, the congregation singing each line as soon as read.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Demmercrat, leadin', <i>one in favour of extending slavery</i>;<ul> +<li><i>a free-trade lecturer maintained in the custom-house</i>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Desput, <i>desperate</i>.</li> + +<li>Doos, <i>does</i>.</li> + +<li>Doughface, <i>a contented lick-spittle</i>;<ul> +<li>a common variety of Northern politician.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Dror, <i>draw</i>.</li> + +<li>Du, <i>do</i>.</li> + +<li>Dunno, dno, <i>do not</i> or <i>does not know</i>.</li> + +<li>Dut, <i>dirt</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">E.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Eend, <i>end</i>.</li> + +<li>Ef, <i>if</i>.</li> + +<li>Emptins, <i>yeast</i>.</li> + +<li>Env'y, <i>envoy</i>.</li> + +<li>Everlasting, an intensive, without reference to duration.</li> + +<li>Ev'y, <i>every</i>.</li> + +<li>Ez, <i>as</i>.</li> +</ul> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span></p> +<p class="head7">F.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Fer, <i>for</i>.</li> + +<li>Ferfle, ferful, <i>fearful</i>;<ul> +<li>also an intensive.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Fin', <i>find</i>.</li> + +<li>Fish-skin, used in New England to clarify coffee.</li> + +<li>Fix, <i>a difficulty</i>, <i>a nonplus</i>.</li> + +<li>Foller, folly, <i>to follow</i>.</li> + +<li>Forrerd, <i>forward</i>.</li> + +<li>Frum, <i>from</i>.</li> + +<li>Fur, <i>far</i>.</li> + +<li>Furder, <i>farther</i>.</li> + +<li>Furrer, <i>furrow</i>.<ul> +<li>Metaphorically, <i>to draw a straight furrow</i> is to live uprightly or decorously.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Fust, <i>first</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">G.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Gin, <i>gave</i>.</li> + +<li>Git, <i>get</i>.</li> + +<li>Gret, <i>great</i>.</li> + +<li>Grit, <i>spirit</i>, <i>energy</i>, <i>pluck</i>.</li> + +<li>Grout, <i>to sulk</i>.</li> + +<li>Grouty, <i>crabbed</i>, <i>surly</i>.</li> + +<li>Gum, <i>to impose on</i>.</li> + +<li>Gump, <i>a foolish fellow</i>, <i>a dullard</i>.</li> + +<li>Gut, <i>got</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">H.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Hed, <i>had</i>.</li> + +<li>Heern, <i>heard</i>.</li> + +<li>Hellum, <i>helm</i>.</li> + +<li>Hendy, <i>handy</i>.</li> + +<li>Het, <i>heated</i>.</li> + +<li>Hev, <i>have</i>.</li> + +<li>Hez, <i>has</i>.</li> + +<li>Holl, <i>whole</i>.</li> + +<li>Holt, <i>hold</i>.</li> + +<li>Huf, <i>hoof</i>.</li> + +<li>Hull, <i>whole</i>.</li> + +<li>Hum, <i>home</i>.</li> + +<li>Humbug, <i>General Taylor's antislavery</i>.</li> + +<li>Hut, <i>hurt</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">I.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Idno, <i>I do not know</i>.</li> + +<li>In'my, <i>enemy</i>.</li> + +<li>Insines, <i>ensigns</i>;<ul> +<li>used to designate both the officer who carries the standard, and the standard itself.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Inter, intu, <i>into</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">J.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Jedge, <i>judge</i>.</li> + +<li>Jest, <i>just</i>.</li> + +<li>Jine, <i>join</i>.</li> + +<li>Jint, <i>joint</i>.</li> + +<li>Junk, <i>a fragment of any solid substance</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">K.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Keer, <i>care</i>.</li> + +<li>Kep, <i>kept</i>.</li> + +<li>Killock, <i>a small anchor</i>.</li> + +<li>Kin', kin' o', kinder, <i>kind</i>, <i>kind of</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">L.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Lawth, <i>loath</i>.</li> + +<li>Let day-light into, <i>to shoot</i>.</li> + +<li>Let on, <i>to hint</i>, <i>to confess</i>, <i>to own</i>.</li> + +<li>Lick, <i>to beat</i>, <i>to overcome</i>.</li> + +<li>Lights, <i>the bowels</i>.</li> + +<li>Lily-pads, <i>leaves of the water-lily</i>.</li> + +<li>Long-sweetening, <i>molasses</i>.</li> + +<li>Loon, <i>the northern diver</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">M.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Mash, <i>marsh</i>.</li> + +<li>Mean, <i>stingy</i>, <i>ill-natured</i>.</li> + +<li>Min', <i>mind</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">N.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Ned, a slang phrase, going it like Ned, equivalent to our 'going like old Harry.'</li> + +<li>Nimepunce, <i>ninepence</i>, <i>twelve and a half cents</i>.</li> + +<li>Nowers, <i>nowhere</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">O.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Offen, <i>often</i>.</li> + +<li>Ole, <i>old</i>.</li> + +<li>Ollers, olluz, <i>always</i>.</li> + +<li>On, <i>of</i>;<ul> +<li>used before <i>it</i> or <i>them</i>, or at the end of a sentence, as <i>on 't</i>, <i>on 'em</i>, <i>nut ez ever I heerd on</i>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>On'y, <i>only</i>.</li> + +<li>Ossifer, <i>officer</i> (seldom heard).</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">P.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Peaked, <i>pointed</i>.</li> + +<li>Peek, <i>to peep</i>.</li> + +<li>Pickerel, <i>the pike, a fish</i>.</li> + +<li>Pint, <i>point</i>.</li> + +<li>Pocket full of rocks, <i>plenty of money</i>.</li> + +<li>Pooty, <i>pretty</i>.</li> + +<li>Pop'ler, <i>conceited</i>, <i>popular</i>.</li> + +<li>Pus, <i>purse</i>.</li> + +<li>Put out, <i>troubled</i>, <i>vexed</i>.</li> +</ul> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span></p> +<p class="head7">Q.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Quarter, <i>a quarter-dollar</i>.</li> + +<li>Queen's arm, <i>a musket</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">R.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Resh, <i>rush</i>.</li> + +<li>Revelee, <i>the réveille</i>.</li> + +<li>Rile, <i>to trouble</i>.</li> + +<li>Riled, <i>angry</i>;<ul> +<li><i>disturbed</i>, as the sediment in any liquid.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Riz, <i>risen</i>.</li> + +<li>Row, a long row to hoe, <i>a difficult task</i>.</li> + +<li>Rugged, <i>robust</i>.</li> + +<li>Row-de-dow, <i>troublesome talk</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">S.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Sarse, <i>abuse</i>, <i>impertinence</i>.</li> + +<li>Sartin, <i>certain</i>.</li> + +<li>Saxon, <i>sacristan</i>, <i>sexton</i>.</li> + +<li>Scaliest, <i>worst</i>.</li> + +<li>Scringe, <i>cringe</i>.</li> + +<li>Scrouge, <i>to crowd</i>.</li> + +<li>Sech, <i>such</i>.</li> + +<li>Set by, <i>valued</i>.</li> + +<li>Shakes, great, <i>of considerable consequence</i>.</li> + +<li>Shappoes, <i>chapeaux</i>, <i>cocked-hats</i>.</li> + +<li>Sheer, <i>share</i>.</li> + +<li>Shet, <i>shut</i>.</li> + +<li>Shine, <i>a fancy or liking</i>, also written <i>shindy</i>.</li> + +<li>Shut, <i>shirt</i>.</li> + +<li>Skeered, <i>scared</i>.</li> + +<li>Skeeter, <i>mosquito</i>.</li> + +<li>Skooting, <i>running</i> or <i>moving swiftly</i>.</li> + +<li>Slarterin', <i>slaughtering</i>.</li> + +<li>Slim, <i>contemptible</i>.</li> + +<li>Snaked, <i>crawled like a snake</i>;<ul> +<li>but <i>to snake any one out</i>, is to track him to his hiding-place;</li> +<li><i>to snake a thing out</i> is to snatch it out.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Soffies, <i>sofas</i>.</li> + +<li>Sogerin', <i>soldiering</i>;<ul> +<li>a barbarous amusement common among men in the savage state.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Som'ers, <i>somewhere</i>.</li> + +<li>So 'st, <i>so as that</i>.</li> + +<li>Sot, <i>set</i>, <i>obstinate</i>, <i>resolute</i>.</li> + +<li>Spiles, <i>spoils</i>; <i>objects of political ambition</i>.</li> + +<li>Spry, <i>active</i>.</li> + +<li>Staddles, <i>stout stakes driven into the salt marshes</i>, on which the hay-ricks are set, and thus raised out of the reach of high tides.</li> + +<li>Streaked, <i>uncomfortable</i>, <i>discomfited</i>.</li> + +<li>Suckle, <i>circle</i>.</li> + +<li>Sutthin', <i>something</i>.</li> + +<li>Suttin, <i>certain</i>.</li> + +<li>Swan, <i>to swear</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">T.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Take on, <i>to sorrow</i>.</li> + +<li>Talents, <i>talons</i>.</li> + +<li>Taters, <i>potatoes</i>.</li> + +<li>Tell, <i>till</i>.</li> + +<li>Tetch, <i>touch</i>.</li> + +<li>Tetch tu, <i>to be able</i>;<ul> +<li>used always after a negative in this sense.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Tollable, <i>tolerable</i>.</li> + +<li>Toot, used derisively <i>for playing on any wind instrument</i>.</li> + +<li>Thru, <i>through</i>.</li> + +<li>Thundering, a euphemism common in New England, for the profane English expression <i>devilish</i>. Perhaps derived from the belief, common formerly, that thunder was caused by the Prince of the Air, for some of whose accomplishments consult Cotton Mather.</li> + +<li>Tu, <i>to</i>, <i>too</i>;<ul> +<li>commonly has this sound when used emphatically, or at the end of a sentence. At other times it has the sound of <i>t</i> in <i>tough</i>, as <i>Ware ye goin' tu? Goin' ta Boston</i>.</li></ul></li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">U.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Ugly, <i>ill-tempered</i>, <i>intractable</i>.</li> + +<li>Uncle Sam, <i>United States</i>;<ul> +<li>the largest boaster of liberty and owner of slaves.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Unrizzest, applied to dough or bread;<ul> +<li><i>heavy</i>, <i>most unrisen</i>, or <i>most incapable of rising</i>.</li></ul></li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">V.</p> +<ul> + +<li>V spot, <i>a five-dollar bill</i>.</li> + +<li>Vally, <i>value</i>.</li> +</ul> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span></p> + +<p class="head7">W.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Wake snakes, <i>to get into trouble</i>.</li> + +<li>Wal, <i>well</i>;<ul> +<li>spoken with great deliberation, and sometimes with the <i>a</i> very much flattened, sometimes (but more seldom) very much broadened.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Wannut, <i>walnut</i> (<i>hickory</i>).</li> + +<li>Ware, <i>where</i>.</li> + +<li>Ware, <i>were</i>.</li> + +<li>Whopper, <i>an uncommonly large lie</i>;<ul> +<li>as, that General Taylor is in favour of the Wilmot Proviso.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Wig, <i>Whig</i>;<ul> +<li>a party now dissolved.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Wiz, <i>to whiz</i>;<ul> +<li><i>go off</i> (like a rocket).</li></ul></li> + +<li>Wunt, <i>will not</i>.</li> + +<li>Wus, <i>worse</i>.</li> + +<li>Wut, <i>what</i>.</li> + +<li>Wuth, <i>worth</i>;<ul> +<li>as, <i>Antislavery perfessions 'fore 'lection aint wuth a Bungtown copper</i>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Wuz, <i>was</i>, sometimes <i>were</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">Y.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Yaller, <i>yellow</i>.</li> + +<li>Yeller, <i>yellow</i>.</li> + +<li>Yellers, <i>a disease of peach-trees</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<p class="head7">Z.</p> +<ul> + +<li>Zach, Ole, <i>a second Washington</i>, <i>an antislavery slaveholder</i>, <i>a humane buyer and seller of men and women</i>, <i>a Christian hero generally</i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="INDEX" id="INDEX"></a>INDEX.</h2> + + + +<ul><li>A. B., information wanted concerning, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Adam, eldest son of, respected, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li> + +<li>Æneas goes to hell, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>.</li> + +<li>Æolus, a seller of money, as is supposed by some, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>.</li> + +<li>Æschylus, a saying of, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>.</li> + +<li>Alligator, a decent one conjectured to be, in some sort, humane, <a href="#Page_120">120</a>.</li> + +<li>Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal, tyrannical act of, <a href="#Page_120">120</a>.</li> + +<li>Ambrose, Saint, excellent (but rationalistic) sentiment of, <a href="#Page_35">35</a>.</li> + +<li>"American Citizen," new compost so called, <a href="#Page_104">104</a>.</li> + +<li>American Eagle, a source of inspiration, <a href="#Page_45">45</a><ul> +<li>—hitherto wrongly classed, <a href="#Page_51">51</a></li> +<li>—long bill of, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Amos, cited, <a href="#Page_34">34</a>.</li> + +<li>Anakim, that they formerly existed, shown, <a href="#Page_124">124</a>.</li> + +<li>Angels, providentially speak French, <a href="#Page_23">23</a><ul> +<li>—conjectured to be skilled in all tongues, <i><a href="#Page_23">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Anglo-Saxondom, its idea, what, <a href="#Page_21">21</a>.</li> + +<li>Anglo-Saxon mask, <a href="#Page_21">21</a>.</li> + +<li>Anglo-Saxon race, <a href="#Page_16">16</a>.</li> + +<li>Anglo-Saxon verse, by whom carried to perfection, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li> + +<li>Antonius, a speech of, <a href="#Page_40">40</a><ul> +<li>—by whom best reported, <i><a href="#Page_40">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Apocalypse, beast in, magnetic to theologians, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li> + +<li>Apollo, confessed mortal by his own oracle, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li> + +<li>Apollyon, his tragedies popular, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li> + +<li>Appian, an Alexandrian, not equal to Shakspeare as an orator, <a href="#Page_40">40</a>.</li> + +<li>Ararat, ignorance of foreign tongues is an, <a href="#Page_53">53</a>.</li> + +<li>Arcadian background, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>.</li> + +<li>Aristophanes, <a href="#Page_34">34</a>.</li> + +<li>Arms, profession of, once esteemed especially that of gentlemen, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li> + +<li>Arnold, <a href="#Page_42">42</a>.</li> + +<li>Ashland, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>.</li> + +<li>Astor, Jacob, a rich man, <a href="#Page_91">91</a>.</li> + +<li>Astræa, nineteenth century forsaken by, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li> + +<li>Athenians, ancient, an institution of, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li> + +<li>Atherton, Senator, envies the loon, <a href="#Page_60">60</a>.</li> + +<li>Austin, St., profane wish of, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_13_13">note</a></i>.</li> + +<li>Aye-Aye, the, an African animal, America supposed to be settled by, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Babel, probably the first Congress, <a href="#Page_53">53</a><ul> +<li>—a gabble-mill, <i><a href="#Page_53">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Baby, a low-priced one, <a href="#Page_98">98</a>.</li> + +<li>Bagowind, Hon. Mr., whether to be damned, <a href="#Page_63">63</a>.</li> + +<li>Baldwin apples, <a href="#Page_125">125</a>.</li> + +<li>Baratarias, real or imaginary, which most pleasant, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li> + +<li>Barnum, a great natural curiosity recommended to, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li> + +<li>Barrels, an inference from seeing, <a href="#Page_125">125</a>.</li> + +<li>Bâton Rouge, <a href="#Page_106">106</a><ul> +<li>—strange peculiarities of labourers at, <a href="#Page_107">107</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Baxter, R., a saying of, <a href="#Page_35">35</a>.</li> + +<li>Bay, Mattysqumscot, <a href="#Page_119">119</a>.</li> + +<li>Bay State, singular effect produced on military officers by leaving it, <a href="#Page_21">21</a>.</li> + +<li>Beast in Apocalypse, a loadstone, for whom, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li> + +<li>Beelzebub, his rigadoon, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>.</li> + +<li>Behmen, his letters not letters, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Bellers, a saloon-keeper, <a href="#Page_111">111</a><ul> +<li>—inhumanly refuses credit to a presidential candidate, <a href="#Page_112">112</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Biglow, Ezekiel, his letter to Hon. J. T. Buckingham, <a href="#Page_1">1</a><ul> +<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span>—never heard of any one named Mundishes, <a href="#Page_2">2</a></li> +<li>—nearly four-score years old, <i><a href="#Page_2">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his aunt Keziah, a notable saying of, <a href="#Page_3">3</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Biglow, Hosea, excited by composition, <a href="#Page_2">2</a><ul> +<li>—a poem by, <a href="#Page_3">3</a>, <a href="#Page_66">66</a></li> +<li>—his opinion of war, <a href="#Page_4">4</a></li> +<li>—wanted at home by Nancy, <a href="#Page_7">7</a></li> +<li>—recommends a forcible enlistment of warlike editors, <i><a href="#Page_7">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—would not wonder, if generally agreed with, <a href="#Page_9">9</a></li> +<li>—versifies letter of Mr. Sawin, <a href="#Page_11">11</a></li> +<li>—a letter from, <a href="#Page_12">12</a>, <a href="#Page_57">57</a>, <a href="#Page_77">77</a></li> +<li>—his opinion of Mr. Sawin, <a href="#Page_12">12</a></li> +<li>—does not deny fun at Cornwallis, <a href="#Page_14">14</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_6_6">note</a></i></li> +<li>—his idea of militia glory, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_9_9">note</a></i></li> +<li>—a pun of, <a href="#Page_18">18</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_10_10">note</a></i></li> +<li>—is uncertain in regard to people of Boston, <i><a href="#Footnote_11_11">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—had never heard of Mr. John P. Robinson, <a href="#Page_27">27</a></li> +<li>—<i>aliquid sufflaminandus</i>, <a href="#Page_28">28</a></li> +<li>—his poems attributed to a Mr. Lowell, <a href="#Page_33">33</a></li> +<li>—is unskilled in Latin, <i><a href="#Page_33">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his poetry maligned by some, <a href="#Page_34">34</a></li> +<li>—his disinterestedness, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his deep share in commonweal, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his claim to the presidency, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his mowing, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—resents being called Whig, <a href="#Page_35">35</a></li> +<li>—opposed to tariff, <i><a href="#Page_35">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—obstinate, <i><a href="#Page_35">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—infected with peculiar notions, <i><a href="#Page_35">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—reports a speech, <a href="#Page_40">40</a></li> +<li>—emulates historians of antiquity, <i><a href="#Page_40">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his character sketched from a hostile point of view, <a href="#Page_52">52</a></li> +<li>—a request of his complied with, <a href="#Page_64">64</a></li> +<li>—appointed at a public meeting in Jaalam, <a href="#Page_77">77</a></li> +<li>—confesses ignorance, in one minute particular, of propriety, <i><a href="#Page_77">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his opinion of cocked hats, <i><a href="#Page_77">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—letter to, <i><a href="#Page_77">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—called "Dear Sir," by a general, <i><a href="#Page_77">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—probably receives same compliment from two hundred and nine, <i><a href="#Page_77">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—picks his apples, <a href="#Page_125">125</a></li> +<li>—his crop of Baldwins conjecturally large, <i><a href="#Page_125">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Billings, Dea. Cephas, <a href="#Page_14">14</a>.</li> + +<li>Birch, virtue of, in instilling certain of the dead languages, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Bird of our country sings hosanna, <a href="#Page_16">16</a>.</li> + +<li>Blind, to go it, <a href="#Page_98">98</a>.</li> + +<li>Blitz pulls ribbons from his mouth, <a href="#Page_16">16</a>.</li> + +<li>Bluenose potatoes, smell of, eagerly desired, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>.</li> + +<li>Bobtail obtains a cardinal's hat, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li> + +<li>Bolles, Mr. Secondary, author of prize peace essay, <a href="#Page_15">15</a><ul> +<li>—presents sword to Lieutenant Colonel, <i><a href="#Page_15">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a fluent orator, <i><a href="#Page_15">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—found to be in error, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Bonaparte, N., a usurper, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li> + +<li>Boot-trees, productive, where, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Boston, people of, supposed educated, <a href="#Page_18">18</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_11_11">note</a></i>.</li> + +<li>Brahmins, navel-contemplating, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li> + +<li>Bread-trees, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Brigadier-Generals in militia, devotion of, <a href="#Page_38">38</a>.</li> + +<li>Brown, Mr., engages in an unequal contest, <a href="#Page_63">63</a>.</li> + +<li>Browne, Sir T., a pious and wise sentiment of, cited and commended, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li> + +<li>Buckingham, Hon. J. T., editor of the Boston Courier, letters to, <a href="#Page_1">1</a>, <a href="#Page_12">12</a>, <a href="#Page_33">33</a>, <a href="#Page_57">57</a><ul> +<li>—not afraid, <a href="#Page_13">13</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Buffalo, a plan hatched there, <a href="#Page_115">115</a><ul> +<li>—plaster, a prophecy in regard to, <i><a href="#Page_115">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Buncombe, in the other world supposed, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li> + +<li>Bung, the eternal, thought to be loose, <a href="#Page_7">7</a>.</li> + +<li>Bungtown Fencibles, dinner of, <a href="#Page_26">26</a>.</li> + +<li>Butter in Irish bogs, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>C., General, commended for parts, <a href="#Page_29">29</a><ul> +<li>—for ubiquity, <i><a href="#Page_29">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—for consistency, <i><a href="#Page_29">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—for fidelity, <i><a href="#Page_29">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—is in favour of war, <i><a href="#Page_29">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his curious valuation of principle, <i><a href="#Page_29">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Cæsar, tribute to, <a href="#Page_66">66</a><ul> +<li>—his <i>veni, vidi, vici</i>, censured for undue prolixity, <a href="#Page_85">85</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Cainites, sect of, supposed still extant, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li> + +<li>Caleb, a monopoly of his denied, <a href="#Page_15">15</a><ul> +<li>—curious notions of, as to meaning of "shelter," <a href="#Page_19">19</a></li> +<li>—his definition of Anglo-Saxon, <a href="#Page_20">20</a></li> +<li>—charges Mexicans (not with bayonets, but) with improprieties, <i><a href="#Page_20">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Calhoun, Hon. J. C., his cow-bell curfew, light of the nineteenth century to be extinguished at sound of, <a href="#Page_55">55</a><ul> +<li>—cannot let go apron-string of the Past, <i><a href="#Page_55">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his unsuccessful tilt at Spirit of the Age, <a href="#Page_56">56</a></li> +<li>—the Sir Kay of modern chivalry, <i><a href="#Page_56">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his anchor made of a crooked pin, <a href="#Page_57">57</a><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span></li> +<li>—mentioned, <a href="#Page_58">58-61</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Cambridge Platform, use discovered for, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li> + +<li>Canary Islands, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Candidate, presidential, letter from, <a href="#Page_74">74</a><ul> +<li>—smells a rat, <a href="#Page_78">78</a></li> +<li>—against a bank, <a href="#Page_79">79</a></li> +<li>—takes a revolving position, <i><a href="#Page_79">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—opinion of pledges, <a href="#Page_80">80</a></li> +<li>—is a periwig, <i><a href="#Page_80">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—fronts south by north, <a href="#Page_81">81</a></li> +<li>—qualifications of, lessening, <a href="#Page_85">85</a></li> +<li>—wooden leg (and head) useful to, <a href="#Page_96">96</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Cape Cod clergymen, what, <a href="#Page_24">24</a><ul> +<li>—Sabbath-breakers, perhaps, reproved by, <i><a href="#Page_24">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Carpini, Father John de Plano, among the Tartars, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li> + +<li>Cartier, Jacques, commendable zeal of, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li> + +<li>Cass, General, <a href="#Page_59">59</a><ul> +<li>—clearness of his merit, <a href="#Page_60">60</a></li> +<li>—limited popularity at "Bellers's," <a href="#Page_111">111</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Castles, Spanish, comfortable accommodations in, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li> + +<li>Cato, letters of, so called, suspended <i>naso adunco</i>, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>C. D., friends of, can hear of him, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Chalk egg, we are proud of incubation of, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li> + +<li>Chappelow on Job, a copy of, lost, <a href="#Page_65">65</a>.</li> + +<li>Cherubusco, news of, its effects on English royalty, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>.</li> + +<li>Chesterfield no letter-writer, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Chief Magistrate, dancing esteemed sinful by, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li> + +<li>Children naturally speak Hebrew, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li> + +<li>China-tree, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Chinese, whether they invented gunpowder before the Christian era, <i>not</i> considered, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li> + +<li>Choate hired, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>.</li> + +<li>Christ shuffled into Apocrypha, <a href="#Page_25">25</a><ul> +<li>—conjectured to disapprove of slaughter and pillage, <a href="#Page_30">30</a></li> +<li>—condemns a certain piece of barbarism, <a href="#Page_63">63</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Christianity, profession of, plebian, whether, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li> + +<li>Christian soldiers, perhaps inconsistent, whether, <a href="#Page_38">38</a>.</li> + +<li>Cicero, an opinion of, disputed, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li> + +<li>Cilley, Ensign, author of nefarious sentiment, <a href="#Page_26">26</a>.</li> + +<li><i>Cimex lectularius</i>, <a href="#Page_18">18</a>.</li> + +<li>Cincinnatus, a stock character in modern comedy, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>.</li> + +<li>Civilization, progress of, an <i>alias</i>, <a href="#Page_65">65</a><ul> +<li>—rides upon a powder-cart, <a href="#Page_79">79</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Clergymen, their ill husbandry, <a href="#Page_64">64</a><ul> +<li>—their place in processions, <a href="#Page_105">105</a></li> +<li>—some, cruelly banished for the soundness of their lungs, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Cocked-hat, advantages of being knocked into, <a href="#Page_77">77</a>.</li> + +<li>College of Cardinals, a strange one, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li> + +<li>Colman, Dr. Benjamin, anecdote of, <a href="#Page_38">38</a>.</li> + +<li>Coloured folks, curious national diversion of kicking, <a href="#Page_19">19</a>.</li> + +<li>Colquitt, a remark of, <a href="#Page_60">60</a><ul> +<li>—acquainted with some principles of aerostation, <i><a href="#Page_60">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Columbia, District of, its peculiar climatic effects, <a href="#Page_44">44</a><ul> +<li>—not certain that Martin is for abolishing it, <a href="#Page_115">115</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Columbus, a Paul Pry of genius, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li> + +<li>Columby, <a href="#Page_109">109</a>.</li> + +<li>Complete Letter-Writer, fatal gift of, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li> + +<li>Compostella, St. James of, seen, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li> + +<li>Congress, singular consequence of getting into, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>.</li> + +<li>Congressional debates, found instructive, <a href="#Page_53">53</a>.</li> + +<li>Constituents, useful for what, <a href="#Page_44">44</a>.</li> + +<li>Constitution trampled on, <a href="#Page_58">58</a><ul> +<li>—to stand upon, what, <a href="#Page_78">78</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Convention, what, <a href="#Page_44">44</a>.</li> + +<li>Convention, Springfield, <a href="#Page_44">44</a>.</li> + +<li>Coon, old, pleasure in skinning, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li> + +<li>Coppers, <i>caste</i> in picking up of, <a href="#Page_94">94</a>.</li> + +<li>Copres, a monk, his excellent method of arguing, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li> + +<li>Cornwallis, a, <a href="#Page_14">14</a><ul> +<li>—acknowledged entertaining, <i><a href="#Page_14">ib.</a></i>, <i><a href="#Footnote_6_6">note</a></i>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Cotton Mather, summoned as witness, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li> + +<li>Country lawyers, sent providentially, <a href="#Page_31">31</a>.</li> + +<li>Country, our, its boundaries more exactly defined, <a href="#Page_32">32</a><ul> +<li>—right or wrong, nonsense about exposed, <i><a href="#Page_32">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Courier, The Boston, an unsafe print, <a href="#Page_52">52</a>.</li> + +<li>Court, General, farmers sometimes attain seats in, <a href="#Page_107">107</a>.</li> + +<li>Cowper, W., his letters commended, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span>Creed, a safe kind of, <a href="#Page_97">97</a>.</li> + +<li>Crusade, first American, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li> + +<li>Cuneiform script recommended, <a href="#Page_85">85</a>.</li> + +<li>Curiosity distinguishes man from brutes, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Davis, Mr., of Mississippi, a remark of his, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li> + +<li>Day and Martin, proverbially "on hand," <a href="#Page_2">2</a>.</li> + +<li>Death, rings down curtain, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li> + +<li>Delphi, oracle of, surpassed, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i><ul> +<li>—alluded to, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Destiny, her account, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li> + +<li>Devil, the, unskilled in certain Indian tongues, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li> + +<li>Dey of Tripoli, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li> + +<li>Diaz, Bernal, has a vision, <a href="#Page_22">22</a><ul> +<li>—his relationship to the Scarlet Woman, <i><a href="#Page_22">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Didymus, a somewhat voluminous grammarian, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li> + +<li>Dighton rock character might be usefully employed in some emergencies, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li> + +<li>Dimitry Bruisgins, fresh supply of, <a href="#Page_73">73</a>.</li> + +<li>Diogenes, his zeal for propagating certain variety of olive, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Dioscuri, imps of the pit, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li> + +<li>District-Attorney, contemptible conduct of one, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li> + +<li>Ditchwater on brain, a too common ailing, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li> + +<li>Doctor, the, a proverbial saying of, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li> + +<li>Doughface, yeast-proof, <a href="#Page_69">69</a>.</li> + +<li>Drayton, a martyr, <a href="#Page_55">55</a><ul> +<li>—north star, culpable for aiding, whether, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li></ul></li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Earth, Dame, a peep at her housekeeping, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li> + +<li>Eating words, habit of, convenient in time of famine, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li> + +<li>Eavesdroppers, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li> + +<li>Editor, his position, <a href="#Page_64">64</a><ul> +<li>—commanding pulpit of, <i><a href="#Page_64">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—large congregation of, <i><a href="#Page_64">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—name derived from what, <a href="#Page_66">66</a></li> +<li>—fondness for mutton, <i><a href="#Page_66">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a pious one, his creed, <i><a href="#Page_66">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a showman, <a href="#Page_71">71</a></li> +<li>—in danger of sudden arrest, without bail, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Editors, certain ones who crow like cockerels, <a href="#Page_7">7</a>.</li> + +<li>Egyptian darkness, phial of, use for, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li> + +<li>Eldorado, Mr. Sawin sets sail for, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Elizabeth, Queen, mistake of her ambassador, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li> + +<li>Empedocles, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li> + +<li>Employment, regular, a good thing, <a href="#Page_93">93</a>.</li> + +<li>Epaulets, perhaps no badge of saint-ship, <a href="#Page_30">30</a>.</li> + +<li>Episcopius, his marvellous oratory, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li> + +<li>Eric, king of Sweden, his cap, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>.</li> + +<li>Evangelists, iron ones, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li> + +<li>Eyelids, a divine shield against authors, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li> + +<li>Ezekiel, text taken from, <a href="#Page_64">64</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Factory-girls, expected rebellion of, <a href="#Page_60">60</a>.</li> + +<li>Family-trees, fruit of jejune, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Faneuil Hall, a place where persons tap themselves for a species of hydrocephalus, <a href="#Page_54">54</a><ul> +<li>—a bill of fare mendaciously advertised in, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Father of country, his shoes, <a href="#Page_108">108</a>.</li> + +<li>Female Papists, cut off in midst of idolatry, <a href="#Page_104">104</a>.</li> + +<li>Fire, we all like to play with it, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li> + +<li>Fish, emblematic, but disregarded, where, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li> + +<li>Flam, President, untrustworthy, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li> + +<li>Fly-leaves, providential increase of, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li> + +<li>Foote, Mr., his taste for field-sports, <a href="#Page_58">58</a>.</li> + +<li>Fourier, a squinting toward, <a href="#Page_52">52</a>.</li> + +<li>Fourth of Julys, boiling, <a href="#Page_42">42</a>.</li> + +<li>France, a strange dance begun in, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>.</li> + +<li>Fuller, Dr. Thomas, a wise saying of, <a href="#Page_28">28</a>.</li> + +<li>Funnel, Old, hurraing in, <a href="#Page_15">15</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Gawain, Sir, his amusements, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li> + +<li>Gay, S. H., Esquire, editor of National Antislavery Standard, letter to, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li> + +<li>Getting up early, <a href="#Page_4">4</a>, <a href="#Page_20">20</a>.</li> + +<li>Ghosts, some, presumed fidgety, (but see Stilling's Pneumatology,) <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li> + +<li>Giants formerly stupid, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li> + +<li>Gift of Tongues, distressing case of, <a href="#Page_53">53</a>.</li> + +<li>Globe Theatre, cheap season-ticket to, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li> + +<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span>Glory, a perquisite of officers, <a href="#Page_94">94</a><ul> +<li>—her account with B. Sawin, Esq., <a href="#Page_99">99</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Goatsnose, the celebrated interview, with, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li> + +<li>Gray's letters <i>are</i> letters, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Great horn spoon, sworn by, <a href="#Page_58">58</a>.</li> + +<li>Greeks, ancient, whether they questioned candidates, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li> + +<li>Green Man, sign of, <a href="#Page_35">35</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Ham, sandwich, an orthodox (but peculiar) one, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li> + +<li>Hamlets, machine for making, <a href="#Page_87">87</a>.</li> + +<li>Hammon, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li> + +<li>Hannegan, Mr., something said by, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li> + +<li>Harrison, General, how preserved, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li> + +<li>Hat-trees, in full bearing, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Hawkins, Sir John, stout, something he saw, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Henry the Fourth, of England, a Parliament of, how named, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li> + +<li>Hercules, his second labour probably what, <a href="#Page_124">124</a>.</li> + +<li>Herodotus, story from, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li> + +<li>Hesperides, an inference from, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Holden, Mr. Shearjashub, Preceptor of Jaalam Academy, <a href="#Page_83">83</a><ul> +<li>—his knowledge of Greek limited, <i><a href="#Page_83">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a heresy of his, <i><a href="#Page_83">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—leaves a fund to propagate it, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Hollis, Ezra, goes to a Cornwallis, <a href="#Page_14">14</a>.</li> + +<li>Hollow, why men providentially so constructed, <a href="#Page_42">42</a>.</li> + +<li>Homer, a phrase of, cited, <a href="#Page_65">65</a>.</li> + +<li>Horners, democratic ones, plums left for, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>.</li> + +<li>Howell, James, Esq. story told by, <a href="#Page_41">41</a><ul> +<li>—letters of, commended, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Human rights out of order on the floor of Congress, <a href="#Page_58">58</a>.</li> + +<li>Humbug, ascription of praise to, <a href="#Page_70">70</a><ul> +<li>—generally believed in, <i><a href="#Page_70">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Husbandry, instance of bad, <a href="#Page_28">28</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Icarius, Penelope's father, <a href="#Page_32">32</a>.</li> + +<li>Infants, prattlings of, curious observation concerning, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li> + +<li>Information wanted (universally, but especially at page), <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Jaalam Centre, Anglo-Saxons unjustly suspected by the young ladies there, <a href="#Page_21">21</a><ul> +<li>—"Independent Blunderbuss," strange conduct of editor of, <a href="#Page_64">64</a></li> +<li>—public meeting at, <a href="#Page_77">77</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Jaalam Point, light-house on charge of prospectively offered to Mr. H. Biglow, <a href="#Page_81">81</a><ul> +<li>—meeting-house ornamented with imaginary clock, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Jakes, Captain, <a href="#Page_119">119</a><ul> +<li>—reproved for avarice, <i><a href="#Page_119">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>James the Fourth of Scots, experiment by, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li> + +<li>Jarnagin, Mr., his opinion of the completeness of Northern education, <a href="#Page_60">60</a>.</li> + +<li>Jerome, Saint, his list of sacred writers, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Job, Book of, <a href="#Page_10">10</a><ul> +<li>—Chappelow on, <a href="#Page_65">65</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Johnson, Mr., communicates some intelligence, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>.</li> + +<li>Jonah, the inevitable destiny of, <a href="#Page_62">62</a><ul> +<li>—probably studied internal economy of the cetacea, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Jortin, Dr., cited <a href="#Page_39">39</a>, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>.</li> + +<li>Judea, everything not known there, <a href="#Page_31">31</a>.</li> + +<li>Juvenal, a saying of, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_15_15">note</a></i>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Kay, Sir, the, of modern chivalry, who, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li> + +<li>Key, brazen one, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li> + +<li>Keziah, Aunt, profound observation of, <a href="#Page_3">3</a>.</li> + +<li>Kinderhook, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>.</li> + +<li>Kingdom Come, march to, easy, <a href="#Page_89">89</a>.</li> + +<li>Königsmark, Count, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Lamb, Charles, his epistolary excellence, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Latimer, Bishop, episcopizes Satan, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li> + +<li>Latin tongue, curious information concerning, <a href="#Page_33">33</a>.</li> + +<li>Launcelot, Sir, a trusser of giants formerly, perhaps would find less sport therein now, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li> + +<li>Letters classed, <a href="#Page_76">76</a><ul> +<li>—their shape, <i><a href="#Page_76">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—of candidates, <a href="#Page_81">81</a></li> +<li>—often fatal, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Lewis Philip, a scourger of young native Americans, <a href="#Page_50">50</a><ul> +<li>—commiserated (though not deserving it,) <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Liberator, a newspaper, condemned by implication, <a href="#Page_35">35</a>.</li> + +<li>Liberty unwholesome for men of certain complexions, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li> + +<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span>Lignum vitæ, a gift of this valuable wood proposed, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li> + +<li>Longinus recommends swearing, <a href="#Page_13">13</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_5_5">note</a></i> (Fuseli did same thing).</li> + +<li>Long sweetening recommended, <a href="#Page_90">90</a>.</li> + +<li>Lost arts, one sorrowfully added to list of, <a href="#Page_124">124</a>.</li> + +<li>Louis the Eleventh of France, some odd trees of his, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Lowell, Mr. J. R., unaccountable silence of, <a href="#Page_33">33</a>.</li> + +<li>Luther, Martin, his first appearance as Europa, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li> + +<li>Lyttelton, Lord, his letters, an imposition, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Macrobii, their diplomacy, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li> + +<li>Mahomet, got nearer Sinai than some, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li> + +<li>Mahound, his filthy gobbets, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li> + +<li>Mangum, Mr., speaks to the point, <a href="#Page_58">58</a>.</li> + +<li>Manichæan, excellently confuted, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li> + +<li>Man-trees, grew where, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Mares'-nests, finders of, benevolent, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li> + +<li>Marshfield, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>.</li> + +<li>Martin, Mr. Sawin used to vote for him, <a href="#Page_115">115</a>.</li> + +<li>Mason and Dixon's line, slaves north of, <a href="#Page_58">58</a>.</li> + +<li>Mass, the, its duty defined, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li> + +<li>Massachusetts, on her knees, <a href="#Page_8">8</a><ul> +<li>—something mentioned in connection with, worthy the attention of tailors, <a href="#Page_44">44</a></li> +<li>—citizen of, baked, boiled, and roasted (<i>nefandum!</i>), <a href="#Page_95">95</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Masses, the, used as butter by some, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>.</li> + +<li>M. C., an invertebrate animal, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li> + +<li>Mechanics' Fair, reflections suggested at, <a href="#Page_87">87</a>.</li> + +<li>Mentor, letters of, dreary, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Mephistopheles at a nonplus, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li> + +<li>Mexican blood, its effect in raising price of cloth, <a href="#Page_103">103</a>.</li> + +<li>Mexican polka, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li> + +<li>Mexicans charged with various breaches of etiquette, <a href="#Page_22">22</a><ul> +<li>—kind feelings beaten into them, <a href="#Page_70">70</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Mexico, no glory in overcoming, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li> + +<li>Military glory spoken disrespectfully of, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_9_9">note</a></i><ul> +<li>—militia treated still worse, <i><a href="#Footnote_9_9">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Milk-trees, growing still, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Mills for manufacturing gabble, how driven, <a href="#Page_53">53</a>.</li> + +<li>Milton, an unconscious plagiary, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_13_13">note</a></i><ul> +<li>—a Latin verse of, cited, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Missions, a profitable kind of, <a href="#Page_67">67</a>.</li> + +<li>Monarch, a pagan, probably not favoured in philosophical experiments, <a href="#Page_12">12</a>.</li> + +<li>Money-trees desirable, <a href="#Page_100">100</a><ul> +<li>—that they once existed shown to be variously probable, <i><a href="#Page_100">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Montaigne, a communicative old Gascon, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li> + +<li>Monterey, battle of, its singular chromatic effect on a species of two-headed eagle, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>.</li> + +<li>Moses held up vainly as an example, <a href="#Page_65">65</a><ul> +<li>—construed by Joe Smith, <i><a href="#Page_65">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Myths, how to interpret readily, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Naboths, Popish ones, how distinguished, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li> + +<li>Nation, rights of, proportionate to size, <a href="#Page_20">20</a>.</li> + +<li>National pudding, its effect on the organs of speech, a curious physiological fact, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li> + +<li>Nephelim, not yet extinct, <a href="#Page_124">124</a>.</li> + +<li>New England overpoweringly honoured, <a href="#Page_48">48</a><ul> +<li>—wants no more speakers, <i><a href="#Page_48">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—done brown by whom, <i><a href="#Page_48">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—her experience in beans beyond Cicero's, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Newspaper, the, wonderful, <a href="#Page_70">70</a><ul> +<li>—a strolling theatre, <a href="#Page_71">71</a></li> +<li>—thoughts suggested by tearing wrapper of, <a href="#Page_72">72</a></li> +<li>—a vacant sheet, <i><a href="#Page_72">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a sheet in which a vision was let down, <a href="#Page_73">73</a></li> +<li>—wrapper to a bar of soap, <i><a href="#Page_73">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a cheap impromptu platter, <i><a href="#Page_73">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>New York, Letters from, commended, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Next life, what, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li> + +<li>Niggers, <a href="#Page_5">5</a><ul> +<li>—area of abusing extended, <a href="#Page_46">46</a></li> +<li>—Mr. Sawin's opinions of, <a href="#Page_117">117</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Ninepence a day low for murder, <a href="#Page_14">14</a>.</li> + +<li>No, a monosyllable, <a href="#Page_25">25</a><ul> +<li>—hard to utter, <i><a href="#Page_25">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Noah, inclosed letter in bottle, probably, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li> + +<li>Nornas, Lapland, what, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>.</li> + +<li>North, has no business, <a href="#Page_58">58</a><ul> +<li>—bristling, crowded off roost, <a href="#Page_81">81</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>North Bend, geese inhumanly treated at, <a href="#Page_82">82</a><ul> +<li>—mentioned, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span>North Star, a proposition to indict, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Off ox, <a href="#Page_70">70</a>.</li> + +<li>Officers, miraculous transformation in character of, <a href="#Page_21">21</a><ul> +<li>—Anglo-Saxon, come very near being anathematized, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>O'Phace, Increase D., Esq., speech of, <a href="#Page_40">40</a>.</li> + +<li>Oracle of Fools, still respectfully consulted, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li> + +<li>Orion, becomes commonplace, <a href="#Page_73">73</a>.</li> + +<li>Orrery, Lord, his letters (lord!), <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Ostracism, curious species of, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Palestine, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li> + +<li>Palfrey, Hon. J. G., <a href="#Page_41">41</a>, <a href="#Page_50">50</a> (a worthy representative of Massachusetts.)</li> + +<li>Pantagruel recommends a popular oracle, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li> + +<li>Panurge, his interview with Goatsnose, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li> + +<li>Papists, female, slain by zealous Protestant bomb-shell, <a href="#Page_104">104</a>.</li> + +<li>Paralipomenon, a man suspected of being, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li> + +<li>Paris, liberal principles safe as far away as, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li> + +<li><i>Parliamentum Indoctorum</i> sitting in permanence, <a href="#Page_44">44</a>.</li> + +<li>Past, the, a good nurse, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li> + +<li>Patience, sister, quoted, <a href="#Page_16">16</a>.</li> + +<li>Paynims, their throats propagandistically cut, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li> + +<li>Penelope, her wise choice, <a href="#Page_32">32</a>.</li> + +<li>People, soft enough, <a href="#Page_68">68</a><ul> +<li>—want correct ideas, <a href="#Page_97">97</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Pepin, King, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Periwig, <a href="#Page_80">80</a>.</li> + +<li>Persius, a pithy saying of, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_14_14">note</a></i>.</li> + +<li>Pescara, Marquis, saying of, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li> + +<li>Peter, Saint, a letter of (<i>post-mortem</i>), <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Pharisees, opprobriously referred to, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li> + +<li>Philippe, Louis, in pea-jacket, <a href="#Page_71">71</a>.</li> + +<li>Phlegyas quoted, <a href="#Page_63">63</a>.</li> + +<li>Phrygian language, whether Adam spoke it, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li> + +<li>Pilgrims, the, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li> + +<li>Pillows, constitutional, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li> + +<li>Pinto, Mr., some letters of his commended, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Pisgah, an impromptu one, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Platform, party, a convenient one, <a href="#Page_97">97</a>.</li> + +<li>Plato, supped with, <a href="#Page_75">75</a><ul> +<li>—his man, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Pleiades, the, not enough esteemed, <a href="#Page_73">73</a>.</li> + +<li>Pliny, his letters not admired, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li> + +<li>Plotinus, a story of, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li> + +<li>Plymouth Rock, Old, a Convention wrecked on, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li> + +<li>Point Tribulation, Mr. Sawin wrecked on, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Poles, exile, whether crop of beans depends on, <a href="#Page_19">19</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_12_12">note</a></i>.</li> + +<li>Polk, President, synonymous with our country, <a href="#Page_30">30</a><ul> +<li>—censured, <a href="#Page_44">44</a></li> +<li>—in danger of being crushed, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Polka, Mexican, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li> + +<li>Pomp, a runaway slave, his nest, <a href="#Page_117">117</a><ul> +<li>—hypocritically groans like white man, <a href="#Page_118">118</a></li> +<li>—blind to Christian privileges, <a href="#Page_119">119</a></li> +<li>—his society valued at fifty dollars, <i><a href="#Page_119">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his treachery, <a href="#Page_120">120</a></li> +<li>—takes Mr. Sawin prisoner, <a href="#Page_121">121</a></li> +<li>—cruelly makes him work, <i><a href="#Page_121">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—puts himself illegally under his tuition, <a href="#Page_122">122</a></li> +<li>—dismisses him with contumelious epithets, <i><a href="#Page_122">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Pontifical bull, a tamed one, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li> + +<li>Pope, his verse excellent, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li> + +<li>Pork, refractory in boiling, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li> + +<li>Portugal, Alphonso the Sixth of, a monster, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li> + +<li>Post, Boston, <a href="#Page_33">33</a><ul> +<li>—shaken visibly, <a href="#Page_34">34</a></li> +<li>—bad guide-post, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—too swift, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—edited by a colonel, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—who is presumed officially in Mexico, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—referred to, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Pot-hooks, death in, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li> + +<li>Preacher, an ornamental symbol, <a href="#Page_65">65</a><ul> +<li>—a breeder of dogmas, <i><a href="#Page_65">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—earnestness of, important, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Present, considered as an annalist, <a href="#Page_65">65</a><ul> +<li>—not long wonderful, <a href="#Page_73">73</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>President, slaveholding natural to, <a href="#Page_66">66</a><ul> +<li>—must be a Southern resident, <a href="#Page_98">98</a></li> +<li>—must own a nigger, <i><a href="#Page_98">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Principle, exposure spoils it, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>.</li> + +<li>Principles, bad, when less harmful, <a href="#Page_27">27</a>.</li> + +<li>Prophecy, a notable one, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>.</li> + +<li>Proviso, bitterly spoken of, <a href="#Page_79">79</a>.</li> + +<li>Prudence, sister, her idiosyncratic teapot, <a href="#Page_92">92</a>.</li> + +<li>Psammeticus, an experiment of, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li> + +<li>Public opinion a blind and drunken guide, <a href="#Page_25">25</a><ul> +<li>—nudges Mr. Wilbur's elbow, <a href="#Page_26">26</a></li> +<li>—ticklers of, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Pythagoras a bean-hater, why, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li> + +<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>Pythagoreans, fish reverenced by, why, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Quixote, Don, <a href="#Page_57">57</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Rag, one of sacred college, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li> + +<li>Rantoul, Mr., talks loudly, <a href="#Page_16">16</a><ul> +<li>—pious reason for not enlisting, <i><a href="#Page_16">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Recruiting sergeant, Devil supposed the first, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li> + +<li>Representatives' Chamber, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li> + +<li>Rhinothism, society for promoting, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li> + +<li>Rhyme, whether natural <i>not</i> considered, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li> + +<li>Rib, an infrangible one, <a href="#Page_90">90</a>.</li> + +<li>Richard the First of England, his Christian fervour, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li> + +<li>Riches conjectured to have legs as well as wings, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li> + +<li>Robinson, Mr. John P., his opinions fully stated, <a href="#Page_27">27-31</a>.</li> + +<li>Rocks, pocket full of, <a href="#Page_91">91</a>.</li> + +<li>Rough and Ready, <a href="#Page_111">111</a><ul> +<li>—a wig, <a href="#Page_112">112</a></li> +<li>—a kind of scratch, <i><a href="#Page_112">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Russian eagle turns Prussian blue, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Sabbath, breach of, <a href="#Page_27">27</a>.</li> + +<li>Sabellianism, one accused of, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li> + +<li>Saltillo, unfavourable view of, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>.</li> + +<li>Salt-river in, Mexican, what, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>.</li> + +<li>Samuel, Uncle, riotous, <a href="#Page_50">50</a><ul> +<li>—yet has qualities demanding reverence, <a href="#Page_66">66</a></li> +<li>—a good provider for his family, <a href="#Page_68">68</a></li> +<li>—an exorbitant bill of, <a href="#Page_103">103</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Sansculottes, draw their wine before drinking, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>.</li> + +<li>Santa Anna, his expensive leg, <a href="#Page_96">96</a>.</li> + +<li>Satan, never wants attorneys, <a href="#Page_22">22</a><ul> +<li>—an expert talker by signs, <i><a href="#Page_22">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a successful fisherman with little or no bait, <a href="#Page_23">23</a></li> +<li>—cunning fetch of, <a href="#Page_27">27</a></li> +<li>—dislikes ridicule, <a href="#Page_34">34</a></li> +<li>—ought not to have credit of ancient oracles, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Satirist, incident to certain dangers, <a href="#Page_28">28</a>.</li> + +<li>Savages, Canadian, chance of redemption offered to, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li> + +<li>Sawin, B., Esquire, his letter not written in verse, <a href="#Page_11">11</a><ul> +<li>—a native of Jaalam, <a href="#Page_12">12</a></li> +<li>—not regular attendant on Rev. Mr. Wilbur's preaching, <i><a href="#Page_12">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a fool, <i><a href="#Page_12">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his statements trustworthy, <i><a href="#Page_12">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his ornithological tastes, <i><a href="#Page_12">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—letter from, <a href="#Page_13">13</a>, <a href="#Page_86">86</a>, <a href="#Page_106">106</a></li> +<li>—his curious discovery in regard to bayonets, <a href="#Page_15">15</a></li> +<li>—displays proper family pride, <i><a href="#Page_15">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—modestly confesses himself less wise than the Queen of Sheba, <a href="#Page_19">19</a></li> +<li>—the old Adam in, peeps out, <a href="#Page_21">21</a></li> +<li>—a <i>miles emeritus</i>, <a href="#Page_86">86</a></li> +<li>—is made text for a sermon, <i><a href="#Page_86">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—loses a leg, <a href="#Page_88">88</a></li> +<li>—an eye, <a href="#Page_89">89</a></li> +<li>—left hand, <i><a href="#Page_89">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—four fingers of right hand, <i><a href="#Page_89">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—has six or more ribs broken, <i><a href="#Page_89">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a rib of his infrangible, <a href="#Page_90">90</a></li> +<li>—allows a certain amount of preterite greenness in himself, <a href="#Page_90">90</a>, <a href="#Page_91">91</a></li> +<li>—his share of spoil limited, <i><a href="#Page_90">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his opinion of Mexican climate, <a href="#Page_92">92</a></li> +<li>—acquires property of a certain sort, <a href="#Page_93">93</a></li> +<li>—his experience of glory, <a href="#Page_93">93</a>, <a href="#Page_94">94</a></li> +<li>—stands sentry, and puns thereupon, <a href="#Page_95">95</a></li> +<li>—undergoes martyrdom in some of its most painful forms, <i><a href="#Page_95">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—enters the candidating business, <a href="#Page_96">96</a></li> +<li>—modestly states the (avail) abilities which qualify him for high political station, <a href="#Page_96">96</a>, <a href="#Page_99">99</a></li> +<li>—has no principles, <a href="#Page_96">96</a></li> +<li>—a peaceman, <i><a href="#Page_96">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—unpledged, <a href="#Page_97">97</a></li> +<li>—has no objections to owning <i>peculiar</i> property, but would not like to monopolize the truth, <a href="#Page_98">98</a></li> +<li>—his account with glory, <a href="#Page_99">99</a></li> +<li>—a selfish motive hinted in, <a href="#Page_100">100</a></li> +<li>—sails for Eldorado, <i><a href="#Page_100">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—shipwrecked on a metaphorical promontory, <i><a href="#Page_100">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—parallel between, and Rev. Mr. Wilbur (not Plutarchian), <a href="#Page_102">102</a></li> +<li>—conjectured to have bathed in river Selemnus, <a href="#Page_106">106</a></li> +<li>—loves plough wisely, but not too well, <i><a href="#Page_106">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a foreign mission probably expected by, <a href="#Page_107">107</a></li> +<li>—unanimously nominated for presidency, <a href="#Page_108">108</a></li> +<li>—his country's father-in-law, <a href="#Page_109">109</a></li> +<li>—nobly emulates Cincinnatus, <a href="#Page_110">110</a></li> +<li>—is not a crooked stick, <i><a href="#Page_110">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—advises his adherents, <i><a href="#Page_110">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—views of, on present state of politics, <a href="#Page_110">110-117</a></li> +<li>—popular enthusiasm for, at Bellers's, and its disagreeable consequences, <a href="#Page_111">111</a></li> +<li>—inhuman treatment of, by Bellers, <a href="#Page_112">112</a></li> +<li>—his opinion of the two parties, <a href="#Page_113">113</a></li> +<li>—agrees with Mr. Webster, <i><a href="#Page_113">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his antislavery zeal, <a href="#Page_115">115</a></li> +<li>—his proper self-respect, <i><a href="#Page_115">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his unaffected piety, <i><a href="#Page_115">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—his not intemperate temperance, <a href="#Page_117">117</a></li> +<li>—a thrilling adventure of, <a href="#Page_117">117-122</a></li> +<li>—his prudence<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span> and economy, <a href="#Page_117">117</a></li> +<li>—bound to Captain Jakes, but regains his freedom, <a href="#Page_119">119</a></li> +<li>—is taken prisoner, <a href="#Page_121">121-122</a></li> +<li>—ignominiously treated, <a href="#Page_121">121-122</a></li> +<li>—his consequent resolution, <a href="#Page_122">122</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Sayres, a martyr, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li> + +<li>Scaliger, saying of, <a href="#Page_28">28</a>.</li> + +<li><i>Scarabæus pilularius</i>, <a href="#Page_18">18</a>.</li> + +<li>Scott, General, his claims to the presidency, <a href="#Page_34">34</a>, <a href="#Page_37">37</a>.</li> + +<li>Scythians, their diplomacy commended, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li> + +<li>Seamen, coloured, sold, <a href="#Page_8">8</a>.</li> + +<li>Selemnus, a sort of Lethean river, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>.</li> + +<li>Senate, debate in, made readable, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li> + +<li>Seneca, saying of, <a href="#Page_27">27</a><ul> +<li>—another, <a href="#Page_51">51</a></li> +<li>—overrated by a saint (but see Lord Bolingbroke's opinion of, in a letter to Dean Swift), <a href="#Page_76">76</a></li> +<li>—his letters not commended, <i><a href="#Page_76">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a son of Rev. Mr. Wilbur, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Serbonian bog of literature, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li> + +<li>Sextons, demand for, <a href="#Page_61">61</a><ul> +<li>—heroic official devotion of one, <a href="#Page_120">120</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Shaking fever, considered as an employer, <a href="#Page_93">93</a>.</li> + +<li>Shakspeare, a good reporter, <a href="#Page_40">40</a>.</li> + +<li>Sham, President, honest, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li> + +<li>Sheba, Queen of, <a href="#Page_19">19</a>.</li> + +<li>Sheep, none of Rev. Mr. Wilbur's turned wolves, <a href="#Page_12">12</a>.</li> + +<li>Shem, Scriptural curse of, <a href="#Page_122">122</a>.</li> + +<li>Show, natural to love it, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_9_9">note</a></i>.</li> + +<li>Silver spoon born in Democracy's mouth what, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>.</li> + +<li>Sinai suffers outrages, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li> + +<li>Sin, wilderness of, modern, what, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li> + +<li>Skin, hole in, strange taste of some for, <a href="#Page_94">94</a>.</li> + +<li>Slaughter, whether God strengthen us for, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li> + +<li>Slaughterers and soldiers compared, <a href="#Page_104">104</a>.</li> + +<li>Slaughtering nowadays <i>is</i> slaughtering, <a href="#Page_104">104</a>.</li> + +<li>Slavery, of no colour, <a href="#Page_6">6</a><ul> +<li>—cornerstone of liberty, <a href="#Page_52">52</a></li> +<li>—also keystone, <a href="#Page_58">58</a></li> +<li>—last crumb of Eden, <a href="#Page_61">61</a></li> +<li>—a Jonah, <a href="#Page_62">62</a></li> +<li>—an institution, <a href="#Page_80">80</a></li> +<li>—a private State concern, <a href="#Page_118">118</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Smith, Joe, used as a translation, <a href="#Page_65">65</a>.</li> + +<li>Smith, John, an interesting character, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li> + +<li>Smith, Mr., fears entertained for, <a href="#Page_63">63</a><ul> +<li>—dined with, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Smith, N. B., his magnanimity, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li> + +<li>Soandso, Mr., the great, defines his position, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li> + +<li>Sol, the fisherman, <a href="#Page_18">18</a><ul> +<li>—soundness of respiratory organs hypothetically attributed to, <i><a href="#Page_18">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Solon, a saying of, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li> + +<li>South Carolina, futile attempt to anchor, <a href="#Page_57">57</a>.</li> + +<li>Spanish, to walk, what, <a href="#Page_20">20</a>.</li> + +<li>Speech-making, an abuse of gift of speech, <a href="#Page_53">53</a>.</li> + +<li>Star, north, subject to indictment, whether, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li> + +<li>Store, cheap cash, a wicked fraud, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li> + +<li>Strong, Governor Caleb, a patriot, <a href="#Page_32">32</a>.</li> + +<li>Swearing, commended as a figure of speech, <a href="#Page_13">13</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_5_5">note</a></i>.</li> + +<li>Swift, Dean, threadbare saying of, <a href="#Page_34">34</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Tag, elevated to the Cardinalate, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li> + +<li>Taxes, direct, advantages of, <a href="#Page_103">103</a>.</li> + +<li>Taylor zeal, its origin, <a href="#Page_111">111</a><ul> +<li>—General, greased by Mr. Choate, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Thanks, get lodged, <a href="#Page_93">93</a>.</li> + +<li>Thirty-nine articles might be made serviceable, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li> + +<li>Thor, a foolish attempt of, <a href="#Page_57">57</a>.</li> + +<li>Thumb, General Thomas, a valuable member of society, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li> + +<li>Thunder, supposed in easy circumstances, <a href="#Page_90">90</a>.</li> + +<li>Thynne, Mr., murdered, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li> + +<li>Time, an innocent personage to swear by, <a href="#Page_13">13</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_5_5">note</a></i><ul> +<li>—a scene-shifter, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Toms, Peeping, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li> + +<li>Trees, various kinds of extraordinary ones, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Trowbridge, William, mariner, adventure of, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li> + +<li>Truth and falsehood start from same point, <a href="#Page_27">27</a><ul> +<li>—truth invulnerable to satire, <i><a href="#Page_27">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—compared to a river, <a href="#Page_40">40</a></li> +<li>—of fiction sometimes truer than fact, <i><a href="#Page_40">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—told plainly, <i>passim</i>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Tuileries, exciting scene at, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>.</li> + +<li>Tully, a saying of, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_13_13">note</a></i>.</li> + +<li>Tweedledee, gospel according to, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li> + +<li>Tweedledum, great principles of, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Ulysses, husband of Penelope, <a href="#Page_32">32</a><ul> +<li>—borrows money, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>. (For full <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span>particulars of, see Homer and Dante.)</li></ul></li> + +<li>University, triennial catalogue of, <a href="#Page_36">36</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Van Buren fails of gaining Mr. Sawin's confidence, <a href="#Page_116">116</a><ul> +<li>—his son John reproved, <i><a href="#Page_116">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Van, Old, plan to set up, <a href="#Page_115">115</a>.</li> + +<li>Venetians, invented something once, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>.</li> + +<li>Vices, cardinal, sacred conclave of, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li> + +<li>Victoria, Queen, her natural terror, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>.</li> + +<li>Vratz, Captain, a Pomeranian, singular views of, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Walpole, Horace, classed, <a href="#Page_75">75</a><ul> +<li>—his letters praised, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Waltham Plain, Cornwallis at, <a href="#Page_14">14</a>.</li> + +<li>Walton, punctilious in his intercourse with fishes, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li> + +<li>War, abstract, horrid, <a href="#Page_79">79</a><ul> +<li>—its hoppers, grist of, what, <a href="#Page_94">94</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Warton, Thomas, a story of, <a href="#Page_38">38</a>.</li> + +<li>Washington, charge brought against, <a href="#Page_109">109</a>.</li> + +<li>Washington, city of, climatic influence of, on coats, <a href="#Page_44">44</a><ul> +<li>—mentioned, <a href="#Page_55">55</a></li> +<li>—grand jury of, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Washingtons, two hatched at a time by improved machine, <a href="#Page_109">109</a>.</li> + +<li>Wate, Taunton, proverbially weak, <a href="#Page_117">117</a>.</li> + +<li>Water-trees, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Webster, some sentiments of, commended by Mr. Sawin, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>.</li> + +<li>Westcott, Mr., his horror, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>.</li> + +<li>Whig party, has a large throat, <a href="#Page_35">35</a><ul> +<li>—but query as to swallowing spurs, <a href="#Page_114">114</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>White-house, <a href="#Page_81">81</a>.</li> + +<li>Wife-trees, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li> + +<li>Wilbur, Rev. Homer, A. M., consulted, <a href="#Page_2">2</a><ul> +<li>—his instructions to his flock, <a href="#Page_12">12</a></li> +<li>—a proposition of his for Protestant bombshells, <a href="#Page_24">24</a></li> +<li>—his elbow nudged, <a href="#Page_26">26</a></li> +<li>—his notions of satire, <a href="#Page_27">27</a></li> +<li>—some opinions of his quoted with apparent approval by Mr. Biglow, <a href="#Page_31">31</a></li> +<li>—geographical speculations of, <a href="#Page_32">32</a></li> +<li>—a justice of the peace, <i><a href="#Page_32">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a letter of, <a href="#Page_33">33</a></li> +<li>—a Latin pun of, <i><a href="#Page_33">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—runs against a post without injury, <a href="#Page_34">34</a></li> +<li>—does not seek notoriety (whatever some malignants may affirm), <a href="#Page_36">36</a></li> +<li>—fits youths for college, <i><a href="#Page_36">ib.</a></i></li> +<li>—a chaplain during late war with England, <a href="#Page_38">38</a></li> +<li>—a shrewd observation of, <a href="#Page_40">40</a></li> +<li>—some curious speculations of, <a href="#Page_52">52</a>, <a href="#Page_54">54</a></li> +<li>—his martello-tower, <a href="#Page_53">53</a></li> +<li>—forgets he is not in pulpit, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>, <a href="#Page_86">86</a></li> +<li>—extracts from sermon of, <a href="#Page_64">64</a>, <a href="#Page_70">70</a></li> +<li>—interested in John Smith, <a href="#Page_74">74</a></li> +<li>—his views concerning present state of letters, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>, <a href="#Page_77">77</a></li> +<li>—a stratagem of, <a href="#Page_82">82</a></li> +<li>—ventures two hundred and fourth interpretation of Beast in Apocalypse, <a href="#Page_83">83</a></li> +<li>—christens Hon. B. Sawin, then an infant, <a href="#Page_86">86</a></li> +<li>—an addition to our <i>sylva</i> proposed by, <a href="#Page_100">100</a></li> +<li>—curious and instructive adventure of, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>, <a href="#Page_102">102</a></li> +<li>—his account with an unnatural uncle, <a href="#Page_103">103</a></li> +<li>—his uncomfortable imagination, <a href="#Page_104">104</a></li> +<li>—speculations concerning Cincinnatus, <a href="#Page_106">106</a></li> +<li>—confesses digressive tendency of mind, <a href="#Page_123">123</a></li> +<li>—goes to work on sermon (not without fear that his readers will dub him with a reproachful epithet like that with which Isaac Allerton, a Mayflower man, revenges himself on a delinquent debtor of his, calling him in his will, and thus holding him up to posterity, as "John Peterson, <span class="smcap">The Bore</span>"), <a href="#Page_125">125</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Wilbur, Mrs., an invariable rule of, <a href="#Page_37">37</a><ul> +<li>—her profile, <i><a href="#Page_37">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li> + +<li>Wildbore, a vernacular one, how to escape, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li> + +<li>Wind, the, a good Samaritan, <a href="#Page_86">86</a>.</li> + +<li>Wooden leg, remarkable for sobriety, <a href="#Page_88">88</a><ul> +<li>—never eats pudding, <a href="#Page_90">90</a>.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Wright, Colonel, providentially rescued, <a href="#Page_18">18</a>.</li> + +<li>Wrong, abstract, safe to oppose, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>.</li> +</ul> + + + +<ul><li>Zack, Old, <a href="#Page_110">110</a>.</li> +</ul> + + +<p class="head1">THE END.</p> + + + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Biglow Papers, by James Russell Lowell + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BIGLOW PAPERS *** + +***** This file should be named 22680-h.htm or 22680-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/2/6/8/22680/ + +Produced by Susan Skinner, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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