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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Biglow Papers, by James Russell Lowell
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Biglow Papers
+
+Author: James Russell Lowell
+
+Editor: Thomas Hughes
+
+Release Date: September 20, 2007 [EBook #22680]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BIGLOW PAPERS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Susan Skinner, Stephen Blundell and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                       THE
+
+                  BIGLOW PAPERS.
+
+
+                       BY
+              JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL.
+
+
+                  NEWLY EDITED,
+                 WITH A PREFACE
+                     BY THE
+      AUTHOR OF "_TOM BROWN'S SCHOOL-DAYS_."
+
+
+             THIRD ENGLISH EDITION.
+
+
+ Reprinted, with the Author's Sanction, from the
+             Last American Edition.
+
+
+                     LONDON:
+        TRÜBNER & CO. 60, PATERNOSTER ROW.
+                      1861.
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note
+
+Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note. Dialect
+spellings, contractions and discrepancies have been retained.
+
+The carat symbol [^] has been used to note 'superscript', and three
+asterisks [***] represent an inverted asterism.
+
+
+
+
+PUBLISHERS' PREFACE.
+
+
+In order to avoid any misconception, the Publishers think it advisable
+to announce that the present Edition of the "Biglow Papers" is issued
+with the express sanction of the Author, granted by letter, from which
+the following is an extract:--
+
+
+                               "CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS,
+                                           _14th September, 1859_.
+
+    "I think it would be well for you to announce that you are to
+    publish an Authorized Edition of the 'BIGLOW PAPERS;' for I have
+    just received a letter from Mr. ----, who tells me that a Mr. ----
+    was thinking of an edition, and wished him to edit it. Any such
+    undertaking will be entirely against my will, and I take it for
+    granted that Mr. ---- only formed the plan in ignorance of your
+    intention.
+
+                           "With many thanks, very truly yours,
+
+                                                   "J. R. LOWELL."
+
+
+
+
+ENGLISH EDITOR'S PREFACE.
+
+
+I can safely say that few things in my life have pleased me more than
+the request of Messrs. Trübner, backed by the expressed wish of the
+author, that I would see the first English edition of the "Biglow
+Papers" through the press. I fell in with the Papers about ten years
+ago, soon after their publication; and the impression they then made on
+me has been deepening and becoming more lively ever since. In fact, I do
+not think that, even in his own New England, Mr. Lowell can have a more
+constant or more grateful reader, though I cannot say that I go much
+beyond most of my own intimate friends over here in my love for his
+works. I may remark, in passing, that the impossibility of keeping a
+copy of the "Biglow Papers" for more than a few weeks (of which many of
+us have had repeated and sorrowful proof[1]) shows how much an English
+Edition is needed.
+
+Perhaps, strictly speaking, I should say a reprint, and not an edition.
+In fact, I am not clear (in spite of the wishes of author and
+publishers) that I have any right to call myself editor, for the book is
+as thoroughly edited already as a book need be. What between dear old
+Parson Wilbur--with his little vanities and pedantries, his "infinite
+faculty of sermonizing," his simplicity and humour, and his deep and
+righteous views of life, and power of hard hitting when he has anything
+to say which needs driving home--and Father Ezekiel, "the brown
+parchment-hided old man of the geoponic or bucolic species," "76 year
+old cum next tater diggin, and thair aint nowheres a kitting" (we
+readily believe) "spryer 'n he be;" and that judicious and lazy
+sub-editor, "Columbus Nye, pastor of a church in Bungtown Corner,"
+whose acquaintance we make so thoroughly in the ten lines which he
+contributes--whatever of setting or framing was needed, or indeed
+possible, for the nine gems in verse of Mr. Hosea Biglow, has been so
+well done already in America by the hand best fitted for the task, that
+he must be a bold man who would meddle with the book now in the editing
+way. Even the humble satisfaction of adding a glossary and index has
+been denied to me, as there are already very good ones. I have merely
+added some half-dozen words to the glossary, at which I thought that
+English readers might perhaps stumble. When the proposal was first made
+to me, indeed, I thought of trying my hand at a sketch of American
+politics of thirteen years ago, the date of the Mexican war and of the
+first appearance of the "Biglow Papers." But I soon found out, first,
+that I was not, and had no ready means of making myself, competent for
+such a task; secondly, that the book did not need it. The very slight
+knowledge which every educated Englishman has of Transatlantic politics
+will be quite enough to make him enjoy the racy smack of the American
+soil, which is one of their great charms; and, as to the particular
+characters, they are most truly citizens of the world as well as
+Americans. If an Englishman cannot find 'Bird-o'-freedom Sawins,' 'John
+P. Robinson's,' 'pious editors,' and candidates "facin' south-by-north"
+at home--ay, and if he is not conscious of his own individual propensity
+to the meannesses and duplicities of such, which come under the lash of
+Hosea--he knows little of the land we live in, or of his own heart, and
+is not worthy to read the "Biglow Papers."
+
+Instead, therefore, of any attempt of my own, I will give Mr. Lowell's
+own account of how and why he came to write this book. "All I can say
+is," he writes, "the book was _thar_. How it came is more than I can
+tell. I cannot, like the great Göthe, deliberately imagine what would
+have been a proper 'Entstehungsweise' for my book, and then assume it as
+fact. I only know that I believed our war with Mexico (though we had as
+just ground for it as a strong nation ever had against a weak one) to be
+essentially a war of false pretences, and that it would result in
+widening the boundaries, and so prolonging the life of slavery.
+Believing that it is the manifest destiny of the English race to occupy
+this whole continent, and to display there that practical understanding
+in matters of government and colonization which no other race has given
+such proofs of possessing since the Romans, I hated to see a noble hope
+evaporated into a lying phrase to sweeten the foul breath of demagogues.
+Leaving the sin of it to God, I believed, and still believe, that
+slavery is the Achilles-heel of our own polity, that it is a temporary
+and false supremacy of the white races, sure to destroy that supremacy
+at last, because an enslaved people always prove themselves of more
+enduring fibre than their enslavers, as not suffering from the social
+vices sure to be engendered by oppression in the governing class.
+Against these and many other things I thought all honest men should
+protest. I was born and bred in the country, and the dialect was homely
+to me. I tried my first Biglow paper in a newspaper, and found that it
+had a great run. So I wrote the others from time to time during the
+year which followed, always very rapidly, and sometimes (as with 'What
+Mr. Robinson thinks') at one sitting. When I came to collect them and
+publish them in a volume, I conceived my parson-editor, with his
+pedantry and verbosity, his amiable vanity and superiority to the verses
+he was editing, as a fitting artistic background and foil. He gave me
+the chance, too, of glancing obliquely at many things which were beyond
+the horizon of my other characters."
+
+There are two American books, elder brethren of "The Biglow Papers,"
+which it would be unjust in an Englishman not to mention while
+introducing their big younger brother to his own countrymen,--I mean, of
+course, "Major Downing's Letters," and "Sam Slick;" both of which are
+full of rare humour, and treat of the most exciting political questions
+of their day in a method and from points of view of which we are often
+reminded while reading the "Biglow Papers." In fact, Mr. Lowell borrows
+his name from the Major's Letters;--"Zekel Bigelow, Broker and Banker of
+Wall Street, New York," is the friend who corrects the spelling, and
+certifies to the genuineness, of the honest Major's effusions,[2] and is
+one of the raciest characters in the book. No one, I am sure, would be
+so ready as Mr. Lowell to acknowledge whatever obligations he may have
+to other men, and no one can do it more safely. For though he may owe a
+name or an idea to others, he seems to me to stand quite alone amongst
+Americans, and to be the only one who is beyond question entitled to
+take his place in the first rank, by the side of the great political
+satirists of ancient and modern Europe.
+
+Greece had her Aristophanes; Rome her Juvenal; Spain has had her
+Cervantes; France her Rabelais, her Molière, her Voltaire; Germany her
+Jean Paul, her Heine; England her Swift, her Thackeray; and America has
+her Lowell. By the side of all those great masters of satire, though
+kept somewhat in the rear by provincialism of style and subject, the
+author of the "Biglow Papers" holds his own place distinct from each
+and all. The man who reads the book for the first time, and is capable
+of understanding it, has received a new sensation. In Lowell the
+American mind has for the first time flowered out into thoroughly
+original genius.
+
+There is an airy grace about the best pieces of Washington Irving, which
+has no parallel amongst English writers, however closely modelled may be
+his style upon that of the Addisonian age. There is much original power,
+which will perhaps be better appreciated at a future day, about Fenimore
+Cooper's delineations of the physical and spiritual border-land, between
+white and red, between civilization and savagery. There is dramatic
+power of a high order about Mr. Hawthorne, though mixed with a certain
+morbidness and bad taste, which debar him from ever attaining to the
+first rank. There is an originality of position about Mr. Emerson, in
+his resolute setting up of King Self against King Mob, which, coupled
+with a singular metallic glitter of style, and plenty of shrewd New
+England mother-wit, have made up together one of the best counterfeits
+of genius that has been seen for many a day; so good, indeed, that most
+men are taken by it for the first quarter of an hour at the least. But
+for real unmistakable genius,--for that glorious fulness of power which
+knocks a man down at a blow for sheer admiration, and then makes him
+rush into the arms of the knocker-down, and swear eternal friendship
+with him for sheer delight; the "Biglow Papers" stand alone.
+
+If I sought to describe their characteristics, I should say, the most
+exuberant and extravagant humour, coupled with strong, noble, Christian
+purpose,--a thorough scorn for all that is false and base, all the more
+withering because of the thorough geniality of the writer. Perhaps Jean
+Paul is of all the satirists I have named the one who at bottom presents
+most affinity with Lowell, but the differences are marked. The
+intellectual sphere of the German is vaster, but though with certain
+aims before him, he rather floats and tumbles about like a porpoise at
+play than follows any direct perceptible course. With Lowell, on the
+contrary, every word tells, every laugh is a blow; as if the god Momus
+had turned out as Mars, and were hard at work fighting every inch of
+him, grinning his broadest all the while.
+
+Will some English readers be shocked by this combination of broad and
+keen humour with high Christian purpose--the association of humour and
+Christianity? I hope not. At any rate, I would remind any such of
+Luther, and of our own Latimer and Rowland Hill; are they prepared to
+condemn them and many more like them? Nay (though it is a question which
+can only be hinted at here), does not the Bible itself sanction the
+combination by its own example? Is there not humour mixed with the
+tremendous sarcasm of the old prophets--dread humour no doubt, but
+humour unmistakably--wherever they speak of the helplessness of idols,
+as in the forty-fourth and forty-sixth chapters of Isaiah, and in
+Elijah's mockery of the priests of Baal:--"Cry aloud, for he is a God;
+either he is talking, or he is pursuing, or he is on a journey, or
+peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awakened." Is not the book of
+Proverbs full of grave, dry, pungent humour? Consider only the following
+passage out of many of the same spirit: "As the door turneth upon his
+hinges, so doth the slothful upon his bed. The slothful hideth his hand
+in his bosom, it grieveth him to bring it again to his mouth. The
+sluggard is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a
+reason. He that passeth by and meddleth with strife belonging not to
+him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears."--Prov. xxvi. 14-17.
+
+Or if it be objected that these things belong to an earlier covenant,
+that laughter and jesting are "not convenient" under the Gospel of Him
+who came not to destroy the law but to fulfil it, there is, perhaps, an
+answer to this also.
+
+For a specimen of subdued humour in narrative, adhering in the most
+literal manner to facts, and yet contriving to bring them out by that
+graphic literalness under their most ludicrous aspect, what can equal
+St. Luke's description of the riot at Ephesus? The picture of the narrow
+trade selfishness of Demetrius--of polytheism reduced into a matter of
+business--of the inanity of a mob tumult in an enslaved country--of the
+mixed coaxing and bullying of its officials, was surely never brought
+out with a more latter vice, indeed, includes both the others, or
+rather uses them as its instruments. Thus, the "pious Editor" proclaims,
+as his creed,--
+
+    I du believe in Freedom's cause
+      Ez fur away ez Paris is;
+    I love to see her stick her claws
+      In them infarnal Pharisees;
+
+    It's wal enough agin a king
+      To dror resolves and triggers,
+    But libbaty's a kind o' thing
+      Thet don't agree with niggers.
+
+No doubt they go further than this. I am quite aware that Mr. Lowell
+will be claimed as a champion by the peace party in this country; and
+certainly no keener things have been said against war in general than
+are to be found in this book.
+
+With our own peace-at-any-price party, no one has less sympathy than I;
+and this leads me to urge on all English readers to bear in mind, that
+the "Biglow Papers" were written for a New England audience, by a New
+Englander, and must be judged from a New England point of view. The
+citizen of a huge young mammoth country, divided by a whole ocean from
+the nearest enemy that it could fear, assailable only on the vivid
+sense of the absurdity of the whole. "And Gallio cared for none of these
+things," is another touch of quiet humour, which at once brings out the
+ludicrous aspect of the punishment of the Jewish agitators by means of
+the very tumults which they raised.
+
+I take it, therefore, that the exhibition of humour, in the pursuit, and
+as an aid for the attainment of a noble Christian purpose, is a means of
+action not only sanctioned by the very constitution of our natures (in
+which God has implanted so deeply the sense of the ludicrous, surely not
+that we might root it out) but, by the very example of Holy Writ. The
+humour exhibited may be different in degree and in quality; the skies of
+Syria are not those of Germany, or of Spain, of England, whether old or
+new. But the gift in itself is a pure and precious one, if lawfully and
+rightfully used.
+
+Military braggadocio, political and literary humbug, and slave-holding,
+are the three great butts at which Hosea Biglow and Parson Wilbur shoot,
+at point-blank range, and with shafts drawn well to the ear. The fringe
+of its seaboard (itself consisting chiefly of unapproachable swamp or
+barren sand wastes), surrounded by weak neighbours or thin wandering
+hordes, only too easy to bully, to subdue, to eat up; from which bands
+of pirates, under the name of liberators, swarm forth year after year,
+almost unchecked, to neighbouring lands, and to which if defeated they
+only return to be caressed and applauded by their congeners; where the
+getting up of war-fevers forms part of the stock in trade of too many of
+the leading politicians; where in particular the grasping at new
+territories for slave labour, by means however foul, has become the
+special and avowed policy of the slavery party; the citizen of such a
+country has a right to tell his countrymen that--
+
+    'T'aint your eppyletts an' feathers
+      Make the thing a grain more right;
+    'T'aint afollerin' your bell-wethers
+      Will excuse ye in His sight;
+
+    'Ef you take a sword an' dror it,
+      An' go stick a feller thru,
+    'Guv'ment aint to answer for it,
+      God 'll send the bill to you.
+
+And the bravest officer in Her Majesty's service will laugh as heartily
+as you will, I take it, my dear reader, if you have never heard it
+before, over a picture and a contrast such as the following:--
+
+    Parson Wilbur sez, _he_ never heerd in his life
+      Thet th' Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats,
+    An' marched round in front of a drum and a fife
+      To git, some on 'em office, an some on em votes,
+                    But John P
+                    Robinson he
+      Sez they didnt know everythin' down in Juddee.
+
+But England is a small and wealthy country, whose best defence against a
+neighbour, always likely to become a foe, consists in a mere ocean
+canal; where the question, I will not say of war, but of readiness for
+war, is one of life or death--in which the temptation, always so strong,
+to subordinate national honour to what is supposed to be policy, is in
+our day for most statesmen almost irresistible, because political
+influence is so evenly balanced, that a peace party of perhaps twenty
+votes has often the destinies of a ministry in its hands. Had Mr. Lowell
+been an Englishman, no one who knows his writings can believe for a
+moment that he would have swelled the cry or strengthened the hands of
+the vain and mischievous clique, who amongst us have of late years
+raised the cry of peace when there is no peace.
+
+The same caution will apply to our marked peculiarity of style in the
+book, which may offend at first many persons otherwise most capable of
+entering into its spirit. I mean the constant, and so to speak,
+pervading use of Scripture language and incidents, not only side by side
+with the most grotesque effusions of humour, but as one main element of
+the ludicrous effects produced. This undoubtedly would be as really
+offensive as it would be untrue, from any other point of view perhaps
+than that of a New Englander bred in the country. The rural population
+of New England is still, happily for itself, tinctured in all its
+language, habits, modes of feeling and thought, by a strict Scriptural
+training--"Out of the fulness of the heart the mouth speaketh." Look
+below the surface and you will see that there is no irreverence whatever
+beneath Hosea Biglow's daring use of Scripture; only that "perfect love
+which casteth out fear;" that the very purpose of the whole book is to
+set up Christ's Gospel as _the_ standard by which alone all men are to
+be judged in all their acts. We may disagree from him in the
+conclusions which he draws from Scripture; of his earnest sincerity in
+enforcing those conclusions we cannot doubt.
+
+It is satisfactory, indeed, to think that Mr. Lowell's shafts have
+already, in a great measure, ceased to be required, or would have to be
+aimed now at other bull's eyes. The servility of the Northern States to
+the South, which twelve years ago so raised his indignation, has well
+nigh ceased to be. The vital importance of the slavery question is now
+thoroughly recognized by the great republican party, which I trust is
+year by year advancing towards an assured victory.
+
+For that victory Mr. Lowell has done knight's-service by his other
+works, as well as by the "Biglow Papers." I need not do more than refer
+to these, however, as they have been published in a cheap form over
+here, and I believe have circulated largely. In his other poems he is by
+no means so equal as in the "Biglow Papers;" but I cannot help thinking
+that (leaving out of sight altogether his satirical works) fifty years
+hence he will be recognized as the greatest American poet of our day,
+notwithstanding the contemporary judgment which has in England, and I
+believe in America, assigned that proud place to his friend and
+predecessor at Harvard College, H. W. Longfellow. To any reader who has
+not met with Lowell's Poems, and who may be induced to read them after a
+perusal of the present volume, I should recommend "The Vision of Sir
+Launfal," "A Parable," "Stanzas on Freedom," "The Present Crisis," and
+"Hunger and Cold," as specially fit to be read in connexion with the
+"Biglow Papers." It is only by looking at all sides of a man of this
+mould that you can get a notion of his size and power. Readers,
+therefore, should search out for themselves the exquisite little gems of
+a lighter kind, which lie about in the other poems comprised in the
+volume. I am only indicating those which, as it seems to me, when taken
+with the "Biglow Papers," give the best idea of the man, and what his
+purpose in life has been, and is.
+
+I will not think so badly of my countrymen as to suppose for a moment
+that "The Biglow Papers" will not become the intimate friends of all
+good fellows in England; and when we have really made friends with a
+book, we like to know something about our friend's father; so I shall
+add the little I know of the history of James Russell Lowell.
+
+He was born in 1819, at Cambridge, Massachusetts, so that he is some
+years younger than our own laureate, and we may hope to get out of him
+many another noble work, though we shall get no more "Biglow Papers"--at
+least I fear not; for the sort of inspiration which finds voice in this
+way comes, I take it, only once in a man's life. And moreover, this is
+his own conviction. In a letter which I received from him as to the
+present publication, he writes: "Friendly people say to me sometimes,
+'Write us more "Biglow Papers;"' and I have even been simple enough to
+try, only to find that I could not. This has helped to persuade me that
+the book was a genuine growth, and not a manufacture, and that therefore
+I had an honest right to be pleased without blushing, if people liked
+it." He was educated at Harvard College, Cambridge; and, in fact, has
+never lived away from his native place. He read law, but never
+practised; and in 1855 was chosen to succeed Longfellow as Professor of
+Modern Literature in Harvard College. He has visited Europe twice; and I
+am sure that every one who knows his works must join with me in the
+hearty wish that he may come among us again as soon as possible.
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[1] Should this meet the eye of any persons who may have forgotten to
+return American copies of the "Biglow Papers" to their respective
+owners, they are requested to forward them to the publishers. The
+strictest secrecy will be preserved, and an acknowledgment given in _The
+Times_ if required.
+
+[2] See the English Edition of "Letters of Major Downing," published by
+John Murray in 1835, pp. 22, 23; and Letters x. xi. xii. and xv.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+
+                                                       PAGE
+
+ PUBLISHER'S PREFACE                                      v
+
+
+ EDITOR'S PREFACE                                       vii
+
+
+ NOTICES OF AN INDEPENDENT PRESS                       xxix
+
+
+ No. I.
+
+ A LETTER FROM MR. EZEKIEL BIGLOW OF JAALAM TO THE
+   HON. JOSEPH T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON
+   COURIER, INCLOSING A POEM OF HIS SON, MR. HOSEA
+   BIGLOW                                                 1
+
+
+ No. II.
+
+ A LETTER FROM MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE HON.
+   J. T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER,
+   COVERING A LETTER FROM MR. B. SAWIN, PRIVATE IN
+   THE MASSACHUSETTS REGIMENT                            11
+
+
+ No. III.
+
+ WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS                                27
+
+
+ No. IV.
+
+ REMARKS OF INCREASE D. O'PHACE, ESQUIRE, AT AN
+   EX-TRUMPERY CAUCUS IN STATE STREET, REPORTED BY
+   MR. H. BIGLOW                                         40
+
+
+ No. V.
+
+ THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT. SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME          55
+
+
+ No. VI.
+
+ THE PIOUS EDITOR'S CREED                                64
+
+
+ No. VII.
+
+ A LETTER FROM A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN
+   ANSWER TO SUTTIN QUESTIONS PROPOSED BY MR. HOSEA
+   BIGLOW, INCLOSED IN A NOTE FROM MR. BIGLOW TO S.
+   H. GAY, ESQ., EDITOR OF THE NATIONAL ANTISLAVERY
+   STANDARD                                              74
+
+
+ No. VIII.
+
+ A SECOND LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.                     86
+
+
+ No. IX.
+
+ A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.                     106
+
+
+ GLOSSARY                                               127
+
+
+ INDEX                                                  131
+
+
+
+
+NOTICES OF AN INDEPENDENT PRESS.
+
+
+[I have observed, reader, (bene- or male-volent, as it may happen,) that
+it is customary to append to the second editions of books, and to the
+second works of authors, short sentences commendatory of the first,
+under the title of _Notices of the Press_. These, I have been given to
+understand, are procurable at certain established rates, payment being
+made either in money or advertising patronage by the publisher, or by an
+adequate outlay of servility on the part of the author. Considering
+these things with myself, and also that such notices are neither
+intended, nor generally believed, to convey any real opinions, being a
+purely ceremonial accompaniment of literature, and resembling
+certificates to the virtues of various morbiferal panaceas, I conceived
+that it would be not only more economical to prepare a sufficient number
+of such myself, but also more immediately subservient to the end in
+view, to prefix them to this our primary edition, rather than await the
+contingency of a second, when they would seem to be of small utility. To
+delay attaching the _bobs_ until the second attempt at flying the kite
+would indicate but a slender experience in that useful art. Neither has
+it escaped my notice, nor failed to afford me matter of reflection,
+that, when a circus or a caravan is about to visit Jaalam, the initial
+step is to send forward large and highly ornamented bills of performance
+to be hung in the bar-room and the post-office. These having been
+sufficiently gazed at, and beginning to lose their attractiveness
+except for the flies, and, truly, the boys also, (in whom I find it
+impossible to repress, even during school-hours, certain oral and
+telegraphic correspondences concerning the expected show,) upon some
+fine morning the band enters in a gaily-painted waggon, or triumphal
+chariot, and with noisy advertisement, by means of brass, wood, and
+sheepskin, makes the circuit of our startled village-streets. Then, as
+the exciting sounds draw nearer and nearer, do I desiderate those eyes
+of Aristarchus, "whose looks were as a breeching to a boy." Then do I
+perceive, with vain regret of wasted opportunities, the advantage of a
+pancratic or pantechnic education, since he is most reverenced by my
+little subjects who can throw the cleanest summerset, or walk most
+securely upon the revolving cask. The story of the Pied Piper becomes
+for the first time credible to me, (albeit confirmed by the Hameliners
+dating their legal instruments from the period of his exit,) as I behold
+how those strains, without pretence of magical potency, bewitch the
+pupillary legs, nor leave to the pedagogic an entire self-control. For
+these reasons, lest my kingly prerogative should suffer diminution, I
+prorogue my restless commons, whom I also follow into the street,
+chiefly lest some mischief may chance befall them. After the manner of
+such a band, I send forward the following notices of domestic
+manufacture, to make brazen proclamation, not unconscious of the
+advantage which will accrue, if our little craft, _cymbula sutilis_,
+shall seem to leave port with a clipping breeze, and to carry, in
+nautical phrase, a bone in her mouth. Nevertheless, I have chosen, as
+being more equitable, to prepare some also sufficiently objurgatory,
+that readers of every taste may find a dish to their palate. I have
+modelled them upon actually existing specimens, preserved in my own
+cabinet of natural curiosities. One, in particular, I had copied with
+tolerable exactness from a notice of one of my own discourses, which,
+from its superior tone and appearance of vast experience, I concluded to
+have been written by a man at least three hundred years of age, though I
+recollected no existing instance of such antediluvian longevity.
+Nevertheless, I afterwards discovered the author to be a young gentleman
+preparing for the ministry under the direction of one of my brethren in
+a neighbouring town, and whom I had once instinctively corrected in a
+Latin quantity. But this I have been forced to omit, from its too great
+length.--H. W.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Universal Littery Universe._
+
+    Full of passages which rivet the attention of the reader.... Under a
+    rustic garb, sentiments are conveyed which should be committed to
+    the memory and engraven on the heart of every moral and social
+    being.... We consider this a _unique_ performance.... We hope to see
+    it soon introduced into our common schools.... Mr. Wilbur has
+    performed his duties as editor with excellent taste and judgment....
+    This is a vein which we hope to see successfully prosecuted.... We
+    hail the appearance of this work as a long stride toward the
+    formation of a purely aboriginal, indigenous, native, and American
+    literature. We rejoice to meet with an author national enough to
+    break away from the slavish deference, too common among us, to
+    English grammar and orthography.... Where all is so good, we are at
+    a loss how to make extracts.... On the whole, we may call it a
+    volume which no library, pretending to entire completeness, should
+    fail to place upon its shelves.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Higginbottomopolis Snapping-turtle._
+
+    A collection of the merest balderdash and doggerel that it was ever
+    our bad fortune to lay eyes on. The author is a vulgar buffoon, and
+    the editor a talkative, tedious old fool. We use strong language,
+    but should any of our readers peruse the book, (from which calamity
+    Heaven preserve them,) they will find reasons for it thick as the
+    leaves of Vallumbrozer, or, to use a still more expressive
+    comparison, as the combined heads of author and editor. The work is
+    wretchedly got up.... We should like to know how much _British gold_
+    was pocketed by this libeller of our country and her purest
+    patriots.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Oldfogrumville Mentor._
+
+    We have not had time to do more than glance through this handsomely
+    printed volume, but the name of its respectable editor, the Rev. Mr.
+    Wilbur, of Jaalam, will afford a sufficient guaranty for the worth
+    of its contents.... The paper is white, the type clear, and the
+    volume of a convenient and attractive size.... In reading this
+    elegantly executed work, it has seemed to us that a passage or two
+    might have been retrenched with advantage, and that the general
+    style of diction was susceptible of a higher polish.... On the
+    whole, we may safely leave the ungrateful task of criticism to the
+    reader. We will barely suggest, that in volumes intended, as this
+    is, for the illustration of a provincial dialect and turns of
+    expression, a dash of humour or satire might be thrown in with
+    advantage.... The work is admirably got up.... This work will form
+    an appropriate ornament to the centre-table. It is beautifully
+    printed, on paper of an excellent quality.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Dekay Bulwark._
+
+    We should be wanting in our duty as the conductor of that tremendous
+    engine, a public press, as an American, and as a man, did we allow
+    such an opportunity as is presented to us by "The Biglow Papers" to
+    pass by without entering our earnest protest against such attempts
+    (now, alas! too common) at demoralizing the public sentiment. Under
+    a wretched mask of stupid drollery, slavery, war, the social glass,
+    and, in short, all the valuable and time-honoured institutions
+    justly dear to our common humanity and especially to republicans,
+    are made the butt of coarse and senseless ribaldry by this
+    low-minded scribbler. It is time that the respectable and religious
+    portion of our community should be aroused to the alarming inroads
+    of foreign Jacobinism, sansculottism, and infidelity. It is a
+    fearful proof of the wide-spread nature of this contagion, that
+    these secret stabs at religion and virtue are given from under the
+    cloak (_credite, posteri!_) of a clergyman. It is a mournful
+    spectacle indeed to the patriot and Christian to see liberality and
+    new ideas (falsely so called,--they are as old as Eden) invading
+    the sacred precincts of the pulpit.... On the whole, we consider
+    this volume as one of the first shocking results which we predicted
+    would spring out of the late French "Revolution"(!).
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Bungtown Copper and Comprehensive Tocsin (a tryweakly
+    family journal)._
+
+    Altogether an admirable work.... Full of humour, boisterous, but
+    delicate,--of wit withering and scorching, yet combined with a
+    pathos cool as morning dew,--of satire ponderous as the mace of
+    Richard, yet keen as the scymitar of Saladin.... A work full of
+    "mountain-mirth," mischievous as Puck and lightsome as Ariel.... We
+    know not whether to admire most the genial, fresh, and discursive
+    concinnity of the author, or his playful fancy, weird imagination,
+    and compass of style, at once both objective and subjective.... We
+    might indulge in some criticisms, but, were the author other than he
+    is, he would be a different being. As it is, he has a wonderful
+    _pose_, which flits from flower to flower, and bears the reader
+    irresistibly along on its eagle pinions (like Ganymede) to the
+    "highest heaven of invention." ... We love a book so purely
+    objective.... Many of his pictures of natural scenery have an
+    extraordinary subjective clearness and fidelity.... In fine, we
+    consider this as one of the most extraordinary volumes of this or
+    any age. We know of no English author who could have written it. It
+    is a work to which the proud genius of our country, standing with
+    one foot on the Aroostook and the other on the Rio Grande, and
+    holding up the star-spangled banner amid the wreck of matter and the
+    crush of worlds, may point with bewildering scorn of the punier
+    efforts of enslaved Europe.... We hope soon to encounter our author
+    among those higher walks of literature in which he is evidently
+    capable of achieving enduring fame. Already we should be inclined to
+    assign him a high position in the bright galaxy of our American
+    bards.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Saltriver Pilot and Flag of Freedom._
+
+    A volume in bad grammar and worse taste.... While the pieces here
+    collected were confined to their appropriate sphere in the corners
+    of obscure newspapers, we considered them wholly beneath contempt,
+    but, as the author has chosen to come forward in this public manner,
+    he must expect the lash he so richly merits.... Contemptible
+    slanders.... Vilest Billingsgate.... Has raked all the gutters of
+    our language.... The most pure, upright, and consistent politicians
+    not safe from his malignant venom.... General Cushing comes in for a
+    share of his vile calumnies.... The _Reverend_ Homer Wilbur is a
+    disgrace to his cloth....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the World-Harmonic-Æolian-Attachment._
+
+    Speech is silver: silence is golden. No utterance more Orphic than
+    this. While, therefore, as highest author, we reverence him whose
+    works continue heroically unwritten, we have also our hopeful word
+    for those who with pen (from wing of goose loud-cackling, or seraph
+    God-commissioned) record the thing that is revealed.... Under mask
+    of quaintest irony, we detect here the deep, storm-tost (nigh
+    shipwracked) soul, thunder-scarred, semiarticulate, but ever
+    climbing hopefully toward the peaceful summits of an Infinite
+    Sorrow.... Yes, thou poor, forlorn Hosea, with Hebrew fire-flaming
+    soul in thee, for thee also this life of ours has not been without
+    its aspect of heavenliest pity and laughingest mirth. Conceivable
+    enough! Through coarse Thersites-cloak, we have revelation of the
+    heart, wild-glowing, world-clasping, that is in him. Bravely he
+    grapples with the life-problem as it presents itself to him,
+    uncombed, shaggy, careless of the "nicer proprieties," inexpert of
+    "elegant diction," yet with voice audible enough to whoso hath ears,
+    up there on the gravelly side-hills, or down on the splashy,
+    Indiarubber-like salt-marshes of native Jaalam. To this soul also
+    the _Necessity of Creating_ somewhat has unveiled its awful front.
+    If not Œdipuses and Electras and Alcestises, then in God's name
+    Birdofredum Sawins! These also shall get born into the world, and
+    filch (if so need) a Zingali subsistence therein, these lank,
+    omnivorous Yankees of his. He shall paint the Seen, since the Unseen
+    will not sit to him. Yet in him also are Nibelungen-lays, and
+    Iliads, and Ulysses-wanderings, and Divine Comedies,--if only once
+    he could come at them! Therein lies much, nay all; for what truly is
+    this which we name _All_, but that which we do _not_ possess?...
+    Glimpses also are given us of an old father Ezekiel, not without
+    paternal pride, as is the wont of such. A brown, parchment-hided old
+    man of the geoponic or bucolic species, gray-eyed, we fancy,
+    _queued_ perhaps, with much weather-cunning and plentiful
+    September-gale memories, bidding fair in good time to become the
+    Oldest Inhabitant. After such hasty apparition, he vanishes and is
+    seen no more.... Of "Rev. Homer Wilbur, A. M., Pastor of the First
+    Church in Jaalam," we have small care to speak here. Spare touch in
+    him of his Melesigenes namesake, save, haply, the--blindness! A
+    tolerably caliginose, nephelegeretous elderly gentleman, with
+    infinite faculty of sermonizing, muscularized by long practice, and
+    excellent digestive apparatus, and, for the rest, well-meaning
+    enough, and with small private illuminations (somewhat tallowy, it
+    is to be feared) of his own. To him, there, "Pastor of the First
+    Church in Jaalam," our Hosea presents himself as a quiet
+    inexplicable Sphinx-riddle. A rich, poverty of Latin and Greek,--so
+    far is clear enough, even to eyes peering myopic through horn-lensed
+    editorial spectacles,--but naught farther? O purblind, well-meaning,
+    altogether fuscous Melesigenes-Wilbur, there are things in him
+    incommunicable by stroke of birch! Did it ever enter that old
+    bewildered head of thine that there was the _Possibility of the
+    Infinite_ in him? To thee, quite wingless (and even featherless)
+    biped, has not so much even as a dream of wings ever come? "Talented
+    young parishioner"? Among the Arts whereof thou art _Magister_, does
+    that of _seeing_ happen to be one? Unhappy _Artium Magister_!
+    Somehow a Nemean lion, fulvous, torrid-eyed, dry-nursed in
+    broad-howling sand-wildernesses of a sufficiently rare spirit-Libya
+    (it may be supposed) has got whelped among the sheep. Already he
+    stands wild-glaring, with feet clutching the ground as with
+    oak-roots, gathering for a Remus-spring over the walls of thy little
+    fold. In Heaven's name, go not near him with that flybite crook of
+    thine! In good time, thou painful preacher, thou wilt go to the
+    appointed place of departed Artillery-Election Sermons, Right-Hands
+    of Fellowship, and Results of Councils, gathered to thy spiritual
+    fathers with much Latin of the Epitaphial sort; thou, too, shalt
+    have thy reward; but on him the Eumenides have looked, not Xantippes
+    of the pit, snake-tressed, finger-threatening, but radiantly calm as
+    on antique gems; for him paws impatient the winged courser of the
+    gods, champing unwelcome bit: him the starry deeps, the empyrean
+    glooms, and far-flashing splendors await.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Onion Grove Phœnix._
+
+    A talented young townsman of ours, recently returned from a
+    Continental tour, and who is already favourably known to our readers
+    by his sprightly letters from abroad which have graced our columns,
+    called at our office yesterday. We learn from him, that, having
+    enjoyed the distinguished privilege, while in Germany, of an
+    introduction to the celebrated Von Humbug, he took the opportunity
+    to present that eminent man with a copy of the "Biglow Papers." The
+    next morning he received the following note, which he has kindly
+    furnished us for publication. We prefer to print _verbatim_, knowing
+    that our readers will readily forgive the few errors into which the
+    illustrious writer has fallen, through ignorance of our language.
+
+    "HIGH-WORTHY MISTER!
+
+    "I shall also now especially happy starve, because I have more or
+    less a work of one those aboriginal Red-Men seen in which have I so
+    deaf an interest ever taken fullworthy on the self shelf with our
+    Gottsched to be upset.
+
+    "Pardon my in the English-speech unpractice!
+
+                                                     "VON HUMBUG."
+
+    He also sent with the above note a copy of his famous work on
+    "Cosmetics," to be presented to Mr. Biglow; but this was taken from
+    our friend by the English custom-house officers, probably through a
+    petty national spite. No doubt, it has by this time found its way
+    into the British Museum. We trust this outrage will be exposed in
+    all our American papers. We shall do our best to bring it to the
+    notice of the State Department. Our numerous readers will share in
+    the pleasure we experience at seeing our young and vigorous national
+    literature thus encouragingly patted on the head by this venerable
+    and world-renowned German. We love to see these reciprocations of
+    good-feeling between the different branches of the great Anglo-Saxon
+    race.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Jaalam Independent Blunderbuss._
+
+    ... But, while we lament to see our young townsman thus mingling in
+    the heated contests of party politics, we think we detect in him the
+    presence of talents which, if properly directed, might give an
+    innocent pleasure to many. As a proof that he is competent to the
+    production of other kinds of poetry, we copy for our readers a short
+    fragment of a pastoral by him, the manuscript of which was loaned us
+    by a friend. The title of it is "The Courtin'."
+
+        Zekle crep' up, quite unbeknown,
+          An' peeked in thru the winder,
+        An' there sot Huldy all alone,
+          'ith no one nigh to hender.
+
+        Agin' the chimbly crooknecks hung,
+          An' in amongst 'em rusted
+        The ole queen's arm thet gran'ther Young
+          Fetched back frum Concord busted.
+
+        The wannut logs shot sparkles out
+          Towards the pootiest, bless her!
+        An' leetle fires danced all about
+          The chiny on the dresser.
+
+        The very room, coz she wuz in,
+          Looked warm frum floor to ceilin',
+        An' she looked full ez rosy agin
+          Ez th' apples she wuz peelin'.
+
+        She heerd a foot an' knowed it, tu,
+          Araspin' on the scraper,--
+        All ways to once her feelins flew
+          Like sparks in burnt-up paper.
+
+        He kin' o' l'itered on the mat,
+          Some doubtfle o' the seekle;
+        His heart kep' goin' pitypat,
+          But hern went pity Zekle.
+
+        ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Satis multis sese emptores futuros libri professis, Georgius Nichols,
+Cantabrigiensis, opus emittet de parte gravi sed adhuc neglecta historiæ
+naturalis, cum titulo sequenti, videlicet:--
+
+_Conatus ad Delineationem naturalem nonnihil perfectiorem Scarabæi
+Bombilatoris, vulgo dicti_ HUMBUG, ab HOMERO WILBUR, Artium Magistro,
+Societatis historico-naturalis Jaallamensis Præside, (Secretario,
+Socioque (eheu!) singulo,) multarumque aliarum Societatum eruditarum
+(sive ineruditarum) tam domesticarum quam transmarinarum Socio--forsitan
+futuro.
+
+
+PROEMIUM.
+
+LECTORI BENEVOLO S.
+
+Toga scholastica nondum deposita, quum systemata varia entomologica, a
+viris ejus scientiæ cultoribus studiosissimis summa diligentia
+ædificata, penitus indagâssem, non fuit quin luctuose omnibus in iis,
+quamvis aliter laude dignissimis, hiatum magni momenti perciperem. Tunc,
+nescio quo motu superiore impulsus, aut qua captus dulcedine operis, ad
+eum implendum (Curtius alter) me solemniter devovi. Nec ab isto labore,
+δαιμονίως imposito, abstinui antequam tractatulum sufficienter
+inconcinnum lingua vernacula perfeceram. Inde, juveniliter tumefactus,
+et barathro ineptiæ τῶν βιβλιοπωλῶν (necnon "Publici Legentis") nusquam
+explorato, me composuisse quod quasi placentas præfervidas (ut sic
+dicam) homines ingurgitarent credidi. Sed, quum huic et alii bibliopolæ
+MSS. mea submisissem et nihil solidius responsione valde negativa in
+Musæum meum retulissem, horror ingens atque misericordia, ob
+crassitudinem Lambertianam in cerebris homunculorum istius muneris
+cœlesti quadam ira infixam, me invasere. Extemplo mei solius impensis
+librum edere decrevi, nihil omnino dubitans quin "Mundus Scientificus"
+(ut aiunt) crumenam meam ampliter repleret. Nullam, attamen, ex agro
+illo meo parvulo segetem demessui, præter gaudium vacuum bene de
+Republica merendi. Iste panis meus pretiosus super aquas literarias
+fæculentas præfidenter jactus, quasi Harpyiarum quarundam (scilicet
+bibliopolarum istorum facinorosorum supradictorum) tactu rancidus, intra
+perpaucos dies mihi domum rediit. Et, quum ipse tali victu ali non
+tolerarem, primum in mentem venit pistori (typographo nempe) nihilominus
+solvendum esse. Animum non idcirco demisi, imo æque ac pueri naviculas
+suas penes se lino retinent (eo ut e recto cursu delapsas ad ripam
+retrahant), sic ego Argô meam chartaceam fluctibus laborantem a quæsitu
+velleris aurei, ipse potius tonsus pelleque exutus, mente solida
+revocavi. Metaphoram ut mutem, _boomarangam_ meam a scopo aberrantem
+retraxi, dum majore vi, occasione ministrante, adversus Fortunam
+intorquerem. Ast mihi, talia volventi, et, sicut Saturnus ille
+παιδοβόρος, liberos intellectus mei depascere fidenti, casus miserandus,
+nec antea inauditus, supervenit. Nam, ut ferunt Scythas pietatis causa
+et parsimoniæ, parentes suos mortuos devorâsse, sic filius hic meus
+primogenitus, Scythis ipsis minus mansuetus, patrem vivum totum et
+calcitrantem exsorbere enixus est. Nec tamen hac de causa sobolem meam
+esurientem exheredavi. Sed famem istam pro valido testimonio virilitatis
+roborisque potius habui, cibumque ad eam satiandam salva paterna mea
+carne, petii. Et quia bilem illam scaturientem ad æs etiam concoquendum
+idoneam esse estimabam, unde æs alienum, ut minoris pretii, haberem,
+circumspexi. Rebus ita se habentibus, ab avunculo meo Johanne Doolittle,
+Armigero, impetravi ut pecunias necessarias suppeditaret, ne opus esset
+mihi universitatem relinquendi antequam ad gradum primum in artibus
+pervenissem. Tunc ego, salvum facere patronum meum munificum maxime
+cupiens, omnes libros primæ editionis operis mei non venditos una cum
+privilegio in omne ævum ejusdem imprimendi et edendi avunculo meo dicto
+pigneravi. Ex illo die, atro lapide notando, curæ vociferantes familiæ
+singulis annis crescentis eo usque insultabant ut nunquam tam carum
+pignus e vinculis istis aheneis solvere possem.
+
+Avunculo vero nuper mortuo, quum inter alios consanguineos testamenti
+ejus lectionem audiendi causa advenissem, erectis auribus verba talia
+sequentia accepi:--"Quoniam persuasum habeo meum dilectum nepotem
+Homerum, longa et intima rerum angustarum domi experientia, aptissimum
+esse qui divitias tueatur, beneficenterque ac prudenter iis divinis
+creditis utatur,--ergo, motus hisce cogitationibus, exque amore meo in
+illum magno, do, legoque nepoti caro meo supranominato omnes
+singularesque istas possessiones nec ponderabiles nec computabiles meas
+quæ sequuntur, scilicet: quingentos libros quos mihi pigneravit dictus
+Homerus, anno lucis 1792, cum privilegio edendi et repetendi opus istud
+'scientificum' (quod dicunt) suum, si sic elegerit. Tamen D. O. M.
+precor oculos Homeri nepotis mei ita aperiat eumque moveat, ut libros
+istos in bibliotheca unius e plurimis castellis suis Hispaniensibus tuto
+abscondat."
+
+His verbis (vix credibilibus) auditis, cor meum in pectore exsultavit.
+Deinde, quoniam tractatus Anglice scriptus spem auctoris fefellerat,
+quippe quum studium Historiæ Naturalis in Republica nostra inter
+factionis strepitum languescat, Latine versum edere statui, et eo potius
+quia nescio quomodo disciplina academica et duo diplomata proficiant,
+nisi quod peritos linguarum omnino mortuarum (et damnandarum, ut dicebat
+iste πανοῦργος Gulielmus Cobbett) nos faciant.
+
+Et mihi adhuc superstes est tota illa editio prima, quam quasi
+crepitaculum per quod dentes caninos dentibam retineo.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    OPERIS SPECIMEN.
+
+    (_Ad exemplum Johannis Physiophili speciminis Monachologiæ._)
+
+    12. S. B. _Militaris_, WILBUR. _Carnifex_, JABLONSK. _Profanus_,
+    DESFONT.
+
+    [Male hancce speciem _Cyclopem_, Fabricius vocat, ut qui singulo
+    oculo ad quod sui interest distinguitur. Melius vero Isaacus Outis
+    nullum inter S. milit. S. que Belzebul (Fabric. 152) discrimen esse
+    defendit.]
+
+    Habitat civitat. Americ. austral.
+
+    Aureis lineis splendidus; plerumque tamen sordidus, utpote lanienas
+    valde frequentans, fœtore sanguinis allectus. Amat quoque insuper
+    septa apricari, neque inde, nisi maxima conatione, detruditur.
+    _Candidatus_ ergo populariter vocatus. Caput cristam quasi pennarum
+    ostendit. Pro cibo vaccam publicam callide mulget; abdomen enorme;
+    facultas suctus haud facile estimanda. Otiosus, fatuus; ferox
+    nihilominus, semperque dimicare paratus. Tortuose repit.
+
+    Capite sæpe maxima cum cura dissecto, ne illud rudimentum etiam
+    cerebri commune omnibus prope insectis detegere poteram.
+
+    Unam de hoc S. milit. rem singularem notavi; nam S. Guineeus.
+    (Fabric. 143) servos facit, et idcirco a multis summa in reverentia
+    habitus, quasi scintillas rationis pæne humanæ demonstrans.
+
+    24. S. B. _Criticus_, WILBUR. _Zoilus_, FABRIC. _Pygmæus_, CARLSEN.
+
+    [Stultissime Johannes Stryx cum S. punctato (Fabric. 64-109)
+    confundit. Specimina quam plurima scrutationi microscopicæ subjeci,
+    nunquam tamen unum ulla indicia puncti cujusvis prorsus ostendentem
+    inveni.]
+
+    Præcipue formidolosus, insectatusque, in proxima rima anonyma sese
+    abscondit, _we, we_, creberrime stridens. Ineptus, segnipes.
+
+    Habitat ubique gentium; in sicco; nidum suum terebratione indefessa
+    ædificans. Cibus. Libros depascit; siccos præcipue seligens, et
+    forte succidum
+
+
+
+
+                        THE BIGLOW PAPERS.
+
+
+
+
+                        _MELIBŒUS-HIPPONAX._
+
+
+                                THE
+
+                           BIGLOW PAPERS,
+
+
+                              EDITED,
+
+              WITH AN INTRODUCTION, NOTES, GLOSSARY,
+                        AND COPIOUS INDEX,
+
+
+                       BY HOMER WILBUR, A.M.
+
+ PASTOR OF THE FIRST CHURCH IN JAALAM, AND (PROSPECTIVE) MEMBER OF
+         MANY LITERARY, LEARNED, AND SCIENTIFIC SOCIETIES,
+                   (_for which see page_ xlvii.)
+
+
+     The ploughman's whistle, or the trivial flute,
+     Finds more respect than great Apollo's lute.
+                                 _Quarles's Emblems_, B. II. E. 8.
+
+
+   Margaritas, munde porcine, calcâsti: en, siliquas accipe.
+                                _Jaa. Car. Fil. ad Pub. Leg._ § 1.
+
+
+
+
+NOTE TO TITLE-PAGE
+
+
+It will not have escaped the attentive eye, that I have, on the
+title-page, omitted those honorary appendages to the editorial name
+which not only add greatly to the value of every book, but whet and
+exacerbate the appetite of the reader. For not only does he surmise that
+an honorary membership of literary and scientific societies implies a
+certain amount of necessary distinction on the part of the recipient of
+such decorations, but he is willing to trust himself more entirely to an
+author who writes under the fearful responsibility of involving the
+reputation of such bodies as the _S. Archæol. Dahom._, or the _Acad.
+Lit. et Scient. Kamtschat._ I cannot but think that the early editions
+of Shakspeare and Milton would have met with more rapid and general
+acceptance, but for the barrenness of their respective title-pages; and
+I believe that, even now, a publisher of the works of either of those
+justly distinguished men would find his account in procuring their
+admission to the membership of learned bodies on the Continent,--a
+proceeding no whit more incongruous than the reversal of the judgment
+against Socrates, when he was already more than twenty centuries beyond
+the reach of antidotes, and when his memory had acquired a deserved
+respectability. I conceive that it was a feeling of the importance of
+this precaution which induced Mr. Locke to style himself "Gent." on the
+title-page of his Essay, as who should say to his readers that they
+could receive his metaphysics on the honor of a gentleman.
+
+Nevertheless, finding, that, without descending to a smaller size of
+type than would have been compatible with the dignity of the several
+societies to be named, I could not compress my intended list within the
+limits of a single page, and thinking, moreover, that the act would
+carry with it an air of decorous modesty, I have chosen to take the
+reader aside, as it were, into my private closet, and there not only
+exhibit to him the diplomas which I already possess, but also to furnish
+him with a prophetic vision of those which I may, without undue
+presumption, hope for, as not beyond the reach of human ambition and
+attainment. And I am the rather induced to this from the fact, that my
+name has been unaccountably dropped from the last triennial catalogue of
+our beloved _Alma Mater_. Whether this is to be attributed to the
+difficulty of Latinizing any of those honorary adjuncts (with a complete
+list of which I took care to furnish the proper persons nearly a year
+beforehand), or whether it had its origin in any more culpable motives,
+I forbear to consider in this place, the matter being in course of
+painful investigation. But, however this may be, I felt the omission the
+more keenly, as I had, in expectation of the new catalogue, enriched the
+library of the Jaalam Athenæum with the old one then in my possession,
+by which means it has come about that my children will be deprived of a
+never-wearying winter-evening's amusement in looking out the name of
+their parent in that distinguished roll. Those harmless innocents had at
+least committed no----but I forbear, having intrusted my reflections and
+animadversions on this painful topic to the safe-keeping of my private
+diary, intended for posthumous publication. I state this fact here, in
+order that certain nameless individuals, who are, perhaps, overmuch
+congratulating themselves upon my silence, may know that a rod is in
+pickle which the vigorous hand of a justly incensed posterity will apply
+to their memories.
+
+The careful reader will note, that, in the list which I have prepared, I
+have included the names of several Cisatlantic societies to which a
+place is not commonly assigned in processions of this nature. I have
+ventured to do this, not only to encourage native ambition and genius,
+but also because I have never been able to perceive in what way distance
+(unless we suppose them at the end of a lever) could increase the weight
+of learned bodies. As far as I have been able to extend my researches
+among such stuffed specimens as occasionally reach America, I have
+discovered no generic difference between the antipodal _Fogrum
+Japonicum_ and the _F. Americanum_ sufficiently common in our own
+immediate neighbourhood. Yet, with a becoming deference to the popular
+belief, that distinctions of this sort are enhanced in value by every
+additional mile they travel, I have intermixed the names of some
+tolerably distant literary and other associations with the rest.
+
+I add here, also, an advertisement, which, that it may be the more
+readily understood by those persons especially interested therein, I
+have written in that curtailed and otherwise maltreated canine Latin, to
+the writing and reading of which they are accustomed.
+
+
+OMNIB. PER TOT. ORB. TERRAR. CATALOG. ACADEM. EDD.
+
+Minim. gent. diplom. ab inclytiss. acad. vest. orans, vir. honorand.
+operosiss., at sol. ut sciat. quant. glor. nom. meum (dipl. fort.
+concess.) catal. vest. temp. futur. affer., ill. subjec., addit. omnib.
+titul. honorar. qu. adh. non tant. opt. quam probab. put.
+
+*** _Litt. Uncial. distinx. ut Præs. S. Hist. Nat. Jaal._
+
+_HOMERUS WILBUR_, Mr., Episc. Jaalam. S. T. D. 1850, et Yal. 1849, et
+Neo-Cæs. et Brun. et Gulielm. 1852, et Gul. et Mar. et Bowd. et
+Georgiop. et Viridimont. et Columb. Nov. Ebor. 1853, et Amherst. et
+Watervill. et S. Jarlath. Hib. et S. Mar. et S. Joseph. et S. And. Scot.
+1854, et Nashvill et Dart. et Dickins. et Concord. et Wash. et
+Columbian. et Charlest. et Jeff. et Dubl. et Oxon. et Cantab. et cæt.
+1855, P. U. N. C. H. et J. U. D. Gott. et Osnab. et Heidelb. 1860, et
+Acad. BORE US. Berolin. Soc. et SS. RR. Lugd. Bat. et Patav. et Lond. et
+Edinb. et Ins. Feejee. et Null. Terr. et Pekin. Soc. Hon. et S. H. S. et
+S. P. A. et A. A. S. et S. Humb. Univ. et S. Omn. Rer. Quarund. q.
+Aliar. Promov. Passamaquod. et H. P. C. et I. O. H. et Α. Δ. Φ. et Π. Κ.
+Ρ. et Φ. Β. Κ. et Peucin. et Erosoph. et Philadelph. et Frat. in Unit.
+et Σ. Τ. et S. Archæolog. Athen. et Acad. Scient. et Lit. Panorm. et SS.
+R. H. Matrit. et Beeloochist. et Caffrar. et Caribb. et M. S. Reg.
+Paris. et S. Am. Antiserv. Soc. Hon. et P. D. Gott. et LL.D. 1852, et
+D.C.L. et Mus. Doc. Oxon. 1860, et M. M. S. S. et M.D. 1854, et Med.
+Fac. Univ. Harv. Soc. et S. pro Convers. Pollywog. Soc. Hon. et Higgl.
+Piggl. et LL.B. 1853, et S. pro Christianiz. Moschet. Soc., et SS.
+Ante-Diluv. ubiq. Gent. Soc. Hon. et Civit. Cleric. Jaalam. et S. pro
+Diffus. General. Tenebr. Secret. Corr.
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+When, more than three years ago, my talented young parishioner, Mr.
+Biglow, came to me and submitted to my animadversions the first of his
+poems which he intended to commit to the more hazardous trial of a city
+newspaper, it never so much as entered my imagination to conceive that
+his productions would ever be gathered into a fair volume, and ushered
+into the august presence of the reading public by myself. So little are
+we short-sighted mortals able to predict the event! I confess that there
+is to me a quite new satisfaction in being associated (though only as
+sleeping partner) in a book which can stand by itself in an independent
+unity on the shelves of libraries. For there is always this drawback
+from the pleasure of printing a sermon, that, whereas the queasy stomach
+of this generation will not bear a discourse long enough to make a
+separate volume, those religious and godly-minded children (those
+Samuels, if I may call them so) of the brain must at first lie buried in
+an undistinguished heap, and then get such resurrection as is
+vouchsafed to them, mummy-wrapt with a score of others in a cheap
+binding, with no other mark of distinction than the word
+"_Miscellaneous_" printed upon the back. Far be it from me to claim any
+credit for the quite unexpected popularity which I am pleased to find
+these bucolic strains have attained unto. If I know myself, I am
+measurably free from the itch of vanity; yet I may be allowed to say
+that I was not backward to recognize in them a certain wild, puckery,
+acidulous (sometimes even verging toward that point which, in our rustic
+phrase, is termed _shut-eye_) flavour, not wholly unpleasing, nor
+unwholesome, to palates cloyed with the sugariness of tamed and
+cultivated fruit. It may be, also, that some touches of my own, here and
+there, may have led to their wider acceptance, albeit solely from my
+larger experience of literature and authorship.[3]
+
+I was, at first, inclined to discourage Mr. Biglow's attempts, as
+knowing that the desire to poetize is one of the diseases naturally
+incident to adolescence, which, if the fitting remedies be not at once
+and with a bold hand applied, may become chronic, and render one, who
+might else have become in due time an ornament of the social circle, a
+painful object even to nearest friends and relatives. But thinking, on a
+further experience, that there was a germ of promise in him which
+required only culture and the pulling up of weeds from around it, I
+thought it best to set before him the acknowledged examples of English
+compositions in verse, and leave the rest to natural emulation. With
+this view, I accordingly lent him some volumes of Pope and Goldsmith, to
+the assiduous study of which he promised to devote his evenings. Not
+long afterwards he brought me some verses written upon that model, a
+specimen of which I subjoin, having changed some phrases of less
+elegancy, and a few rhymes objectionable to the cultivated ear. The poem
+consisted of childish reminiscences, and the sketches which follow will
+not seem destitute of truth to those whose fortunate education began in
+a country village. And, first, let us hang up his charcoal portrait of
+the school-dame.
+
+    "Propt on the marsh, a dwelling now, I see
+    The humble school-house of my A, B, C,
+    Where well-drilled urchins, each behind his tire,
+    Waited in ranks the wished command to fire;
+    Then all together, when the signal came,
+    Discharged their _a-b abs_ against the dame,
+    Who, 'mid the volleyed learning, firm and calm,
+    Patted the furloughed ferule on her palm,
+    And, to our wonder, could detect at once,
+    Who flashed the pan, and who was downright dunce.
+
+    There young Devotion learned to climb with ease
+    The gnarly limbs of Scripture family-trees,
+    And he was most commended and admired
+    Who soonest to the topmost twig perspired;
+    Each name was called as many various ways
+    As pleased the reader's ear on different days,
+    So that the weather, or the ferule's stings,
+    Colds in the head, or fifty other things,
+    Transformed the helpless Hebrew thrice a week
+    To guttural Pequot or resounding Greek,
+    The vibrant accent skipping here and there,
+    Just as it pleased invention or despair;
+    No controversial Hebraist was the Dame;
+    With or without the points pleased her the same;
+    If any tyro found a name too tough,
+    And looked at her, pride furnished skill enough;
+    She nerved her larynx for the desperate thing,
+    And cleared the five-barred syllables at a spring.
+
+    Ah, dear old times! there once it was my hap,
+    Perched on a stool, to wear the long-eared cap;
+    From books degraded, there I sat at ease,
+    A drone, the envy of compulsory bees."
+
+I add only one further extract, which will possess a melancholy interest
+to all such as have endeavoured to glean the materials of Revolutionary
+history from the lips of aged persons, who took a part in the actual
+making of it, and, finding the manufacture profitable, continued the
+supply in an adequate proportion to the demand.
+
+    "Old Joe is gone, who saw hot Percy goad
+    His slow artillery up the Concord road,
+    A tale which grew in wonder, year by year,
+    As, every time he told it, Joe drew near
+    To the main fight, till, faded and grown gray,
+    The original scene to bolder tints gave way;
+    Then Joe had heard the foe's scared double-quick
+    Beat on stove drum with one uncaptured stick,
+    And, ere death came the lengthening tale to lop,
+    Himself had fired, and seen a red-coat drop;
+    Had Joe lived long enough, that scrambling fight
+    Had squared more nearly to his sense of right,
+    And vanquished Percy, to complete the tale,
+    Had hammered stone for life in Concord jail."
+
+I do not know that the foregoing extracts ought not to be called my own
+rather than Mr. Biglow's, as, indeed, he maintained stoutly that my file
+had left nothing of his in them. I should not, perhaps, have felt
+entitled to take so great liberties with them, had I not more than
+suspected an hereditary vein of poetry in myself, a very near ancestor
+having written a Latin poem in the Harvard _Gratulatio_ on the accession
+of George the Third. Suffice it to say, that, whether not satisfied with
+such limited approbation as I could conscientiously bestow, or from a
+sense of natural inaptitude, I know not, certain it is that my young
+friend could never be induced to any further essays in this kind. He
+affirmed that it was to him like writing in a foreign tongue,--that Mr.
+Pope's versification was like the regular ticking of one of Willard's
+clocks, in which one could fancy, after long listening, a certain kind
+of rhythm or tune, but which yet was only a poverty-stricken _tick,
+tick_ after all,--and that he had never seen a sweet-water on a trellis
+growing so fairly, or in forms so pleasing to his eye, as a fox-grape
+over a scrub-oak in a swamp. He added I know not what, to the effect
+that the sweet-water would only be the more disfigured by having its
+leaves starched and ironed out, and that Pegāsus (so he called him)
+hardly looked right with his mane and tail in curl-papers. These and
+other such opinions I did not long strive to eradicate, attributing them
+rather to a defective education and senses untuned by too long
+familiarity with purely natural objects, than to a perverted moral
+sense. I was the more inclined to this leniency since sufficient
+evidence was not to seek, that his verses, as wanting as they certainly
+were in classic polish and point, had somehow taken hold of the public
+ear in a surprising manner. So, only setting him right as to the
+quantity of the proper name Pegasus, I left him to follow the bent of
+his natural genius.
+
+There are two things upon which it would seem fitting to dilate somewhat
+more largely in this place,--the Yankee character and the Yankee
+dialect. And, first, of the Yankee character, which has wanted neither
+open maligners, nor even more dangerous enemies in the persons of those
+unskilful painters who have given to it that hardness, angularity, and
+want of proper perspective, which, in truth, belonged, not to their
+subject, but to their own niggard and unskilful pencil.
+
+New England was not so much the colony of a mother country, as a Hagar
+driven forth into the wilderness. The little self-exiled band which came
+hither in 1620 came, not to seek gold, but to found a democracy. They
+came that they might have the privilege to work and pray, to sit upon
+hard benches and listen to painful preachers as long as they would, yea,
+even unto thirty-seventhly, if the spirit so willed it. And surely, if
+the Greek might boast his Thermopylæ, where three hundred men fell in
+resisting the Persian, we may well be proud of our Plymouth Rock, where
+a handful of men, women, and children not merely faced, but vanquished,
+winter, famine, the wilderness, and the yet more invincible _storge_
+that drew them back to the green island far away. These found no lotus
+growing upon the surly shore, the taste of which could make them forget
+their little native Ithaca; nor were they so wanting to themselves in
+faith as to burn their ship, but could see the fair west wind belly the
+homeward sail, and then turn unrepining to grapple with the terrible
+Unknown.
+
+As Want was the prime foe these hardy exodists had to fortress themselves
+against, so it is little wonder if that traditional feud is long in wearing
+out of the stock. The wounds of the old warfare were long ahealing, and an
+east wind of hard times puts a new ache in every one of them. Thrift was
+the first lesson in their horn-book, pointed out, letter after letter, by
+the lean finger of the hard schoolmaster, Necessity. Neither were those
+plump, rosy-gilled Englishmen that came hither, but a hard-faced,
+atrabilious, earnest-eyed race, stiff from long wrestling with the Lord in
+prayer, and who had taught Satan to dread the new Puritan hug. Add two
+hundred years' influence of soil, climate, and exposure, with its necessary
+result of idiosyncrasies, and we have the present Yankee, full of
+expedients, half-master of all trades, inventive in all but the beautiful,
+full of shifts, not yet capable of comfort, armed at all points against the
+old enemy Hunger, longanimous, good at patching, not so careful for what is
+best as for what will _do_, with a clasp to his purse and a button to his
+pocket, not skilled to build against Time, as in old countries, but against
+sore-pressing Need, accustomed to move the world with no ποῦ στῶ but his
+own two feet, and no lever but his own long forecast. A strange hybrid,
+indeed, did circumstance beget, here in the New World, upon the old Puritan
+stock, and the earth never before saw such mystic-practicalism, such
+niggard-geniality, such calculating-fanaticism, such cast-iron-enthusiasm,
+such unwilling humour, such close-fisted-generosity. This new _Græculus
+esuriens_ will make a living out of any thing. He will invent new trades
+as well as tools. His brain is his capital, and he will get education at
+all risks. Put him on Juan Fernandez, and he would make a spelling-book
+first, and a salt-pan afterwards. _In cœlum, jusseris, ibit_,--or the
+other way either,--it is all one, so any thing is to be got by it. Yet,
+after all, thin, speculative Jonathan is more like the Englishman of two
+centuries ago than John Bull himself is. He has lost somewhat in
+solidity, has become fluent and adaptable, but more of the original
+groundwork of character remains. He feels more at home with Fulke
+Greville, Herbert of Cherbury, Quarles, George Herbert, and Browne, than
+with his modern English cousins. He is nearer than John, by at least a
+hundred years, to Naseby, Marston Moor, Worcester, and the time when, if
+ever, there were true Englishmen. John Bull has suffered the idea of the
+Invisible to be very much flattened out of him. Jonathan is conscious
+still that he lives in the world of the Unseen as well as of the Seen.
+To move John, you must make your fulcrum of solid beef and pudding; an
+abstract idea will do for Jonathan.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+*** TO THE INDULGENT READER.
+
+My friend, the Rev. Mr. Wilbur, having been seized with a dangerous fit
+of illness, before this Introduction had passed through the press, and
+being incapacitated for all literary exertion, sent to me his notes,
+memoranda, &c., and requested me to fashion them into some shape more
+fitting for the general eye. This, owing to the fragmentary and
+disjointed state of his manuscripts, I have felt wholly unable to do;
+yet, being unwilling that the reader should be deprived of such parts of
+his lucubrations as seemed more finished, and not well discerning how to
+segregate these from the rest, I have concluded to send them all to the
+press precisely as they are.
+
+COLUMBUS NYE, _Pastor of a Church in Bungtown Corner_.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It remains to speak of the Yankee dialect. And, first, it may be
+premised, in a general way, that any one much read in the writings of
+the early colonists need not be told that the far greater share of the
+words and phrases now esteemed peculiar to New England, and local there,
+were brought from the mother-country. A person familiar with the dialect
+of certain portions of Massachusetts will not fail to recognize, in
+ordinary discourse, many words now noted in English vocabularies as
+archaic, the greater part of which were in common use about the time of
+the King James translation of the Bible. Shakspeare stands less in need
+of a glossary to most New Englanders than to many a native of the Old
+Country. The peculiarities of our speech, however, are rapidly wearing
+out. As there is no country where reading is so universal and newspapers
+are so multitudinous, so no phrase remains long local, but is
+transplanted in the mail-bags to every remotest corner of the land.
+Consequently our dialect approaches nearer to uniformity than that of
+any other nation.
+
+The English have complained of us for coining new words. Many of those
+so stigmatized were old ones by them forgotten, and all make now an
+unquestioned part of the currency, wherever English is spoken.
+Undoubtedly, we have a right to make new words, as they are needed by
+the fresh aspects under which life presents itself here in the New
+World; and, indeed, wherever a language is alive, it grows. It might be
+questioned whether we could not establish a stronger title to the
+ownership of the English tongue than the mother-islanders themselves.
+Here, past all question, is to be its great home and centre. And not
+only is it already spoken here by greater numbers, but with a far higher
+popular average of correctness, than in Britain. The great writers of
+it, too, we might claim as ours, were ownership to be settled by the
+number of readers and lovers.
+
+As regards the provincialisms to be met with in this volume, I may say
+that the reader will not find one which is not (as I believe) either
+native or imported with the early settlers, nor one which I have not,
+with my own ears, heard in familiar use. In the metrical portion of the
+book, I have endeavoured to adapt the spelling as nearly as possible to
+the ordinary mode of pronunciation. Let the reader who deems me
+overparticular remember this caution of Martial:--
+
+    "_Quem recitas, meus est, O Fidentine, libellus;
+    Sed male cum recitas, incipit esse tuus._"
+
+A few further explanatory remarks will not be impertinent.
+
+I shall barely lay down a few general rules for the reader's guidance.
+
+1. The genuine Yankee never gives the rough sound to the _r_ when he can
+help it, and often displays considerable ingenuity in avoiding it even
+before a vowel.
+
+2. He seldom sounds the final _g_, a piece of self-denial, if we
+consider his partiality for nasals. The same of the final _d_, as _han'_
+and _stan'_ for _hand_ and _stand_.
+
+3. The _h_ in such words as _while_, _when_, _where_, he omits
+altogether.
+
+4. In regard to _a_, he shows some inconsistency, sometimes giving a
+close and obscure sound, as _hev_ for _have_, _hendy_ for _handy_, _ez_
+for _as_, _thet_ for _that_, and again giving it the broad sound it has
+in _father_, as _hânsome_ for _handsome_.
+
+5. To the sound _ou_ he prefixes an _e_ (hard to exemplify otherwise
+than orally).
+
+The following passage in Shakspeare he would recite thus:--
+
+    "Neow is the winta uv eour discontent
+    Med glorious summa by this sun o' Yock,
+    An' all the cleouds thet leowered upun eour heouse
+    In the deep buzzum o' the oshin buried;
+    Neow air eour breows beound 'ith victorious wreaths;
+    Eour breused arms hung up fer monimunce;
+    Eour starn alarums chănged to merry meetins,
+    Eour dreffle marches to delightful measures.
+    Grim-visaged war heth smeuthed his wrinkled front,
+    An' neow, instid o' mountin' barebid steeds
+    To fright the souls o' ferfle edverseries,
+    He capers nimly in a lady's chămber,
+    To the lascivious pleasin' uv a loot."
+
+6. _Au_, in such words as _daughter_ and _slaughter_, he pronounces
+_ah_.
+
+7. To the dish thus seasoned add a drawl _ad libitum_.
+
+
+[Mr. Wilbur's notes here become entirely fragmentary.--C. N.]
+
+
+α. Unable to procure a likeness of Mr. Biglow, I thought the curious
+reader might be gratified with a sight of the editorial effigies. And
+here a choice between two was offered,--the one a profile (entirely
+black) cut by Doyle, the other a portrait painted by a native artist of
+much promise. The first of these seemed wanting in expression, and in
+the second a slight obliquity of the visual organs has been heightened
+(perhaps from an over-desire of force on the part of the artist) into
+too close an approach to actual _strabismus_. This slight divergence in
+my optical apparatus from the ordinary model--however I may have been
+taught to regard it in the light of a mercy rather than a cross, since
+it enabled me to give as much of directness and personal application to
+my discourses as met the wants of my congregation, without risk of
+offending any by being supposed to have him or her in my eye (as the
+saying is)--seemed yet to Mrs. Wilbur a sufficient objection to the
+engraving of the aforesaid painting. We read of many who either
+absolutely refused to allow the copying of their features, as especially
+did Plotinus and Agesilaus among the ancients, not to mention the more
+modern instances of Scioppius Palæottus, Pinellus, Velserus, Gataker,
+and others, or were indifferent thereto, as Cromwell.
+
+β. Yet was Cæsar desirous of concealing his baldness. _Per contra_, my
+Lord Protector's carefulness in the matter of his wart might be cited.
+Men generally more desirous of being _improved_ in their portraits than
+characters. Shall probably find very unflattered likenesses of ourselves
+in Recording Angel's gallery.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+γ. Whether any of our national peculiarities may be traced to our use
+of stoves, as a certain closeness of the lips in pronunciation, and a
+smothered smoulderingness of disposition, seldom roused to open flame?
+An unrestrained intercourse with fire probably conducive to generosity
+and hospitality of soul. Ancient Mexicans used stoves, as the friar
+Augustin Ruiz reports, Hakluyt, III., 468,--but Popish priests not
+always reliable authority.
+
+To-day picked my Isabella grapes. Crop injured by attacks of rose-bug in
+the spring. Whether Noah was justifiable in preserving this class of
+insects?
+
+δ. Concerning Mr. Biglow's pedigree. Tolerably certain that there was
+never a poet among his ancestors. An ordination hymn attributed to a
+maternal uncle, but perhaps a sort of production not demanding the
+creative faculty.
+
+His grandfather a painter of the grandiose or Michael Angelo school.
+Seldom painted objects smaller than houses or barns, and these with
+uncommon expression.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ε. Of the Wilburs no complete pedigree. The crest said to be a _wild
+boar_, whence, perhaps, the name. (?) A connection with the Earls of
+Wilbraham (_quasi_ wild boar ham) might be made out. This suggestion
+worth following up. In 1677, John W. m. Expect ----, had issue, 1. John,
+2. Haggai, 3. Expect, 4. Ruhamah, 5. Desire.
+
+    "Hear lyes y^e bodye of Mrs Expect Wilber,
+    Y^e crewell salvages they kil'd her
+    Together w^th other Christian soles eleaven,
+    October y^e ix daye, 1707.
+    Y^e stream of Jordan sh' as crost ore
+    And now expeacts me on y^e other shore:
+    I live in hope her soon to join;
+    Her earthlye yeeres were forty and nine."
+          _From Gravestone in Pekussett, North Parish._
+
+This is unquestionably the same John who afterward (1711) married
+Tabitha Hagg or Rag.
+
+But if this were the case, she seems to have died early; for only three
+years after, namely, 1714, we have evidence that he married Winifred,
+daughter of Lieutenant Tipping.
+
+He seems to have been a man of substance, for we find him in 1696
+conveying "one undivided eightieth part of a salt-meadow" in Yabbok, and
+he commanded a sloop in 1702.
+
+Those who doubt the importance of genealogical studies _fuste potius
+quam argumento erudiendi_.
+
+I trace him as far as 1723, and there lose him. In that year he was
+chosen selectman.
+
+No gravestone. Perhaps overthrown when new hearse-house was built, 1802.
+
+He was probably the son of John, who came from Bilham Comit. Salop.
+circa 1642.
+
+This first John was a man of considerable importance, being twice
+mentioned with the honourable prefix of _Mr._ in the town records. Name
+spelt with two _l_-s.
+
+    "Hear lyeth y^e bod [_stone unhappily broken_.]
+    Mr. Ihon Willber [Esq.] [_I inclose this in brackets as doubtful. To
+              me it seems clear._]
+    Ob't die [_illegible; looks like xviii._] ... iii [_prob. 1693._]
+    ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... paynt
+    ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... deseased seinte:
+    A friend and [fath]er untoe all y^e opreast,
+    Hee gave y^e wicked familists noe reast,
+    When Sat[an bl]ewe his Antinomian blaste,
+    Wee clong to [Willber as a steadf]ast maste.
+    [A]gaynst y^e horrid Qua[kers]...."
+
+It is greatly to be lamented that this curious epitaph is mutilated. It
+is said that the sacrilegious British soldiers made a target of this
+stone during the war of Independence. How odious an animosity which
+pauses not at the grave! How brutal that which spares not the monuments
+of authentic history! This is not improbably from the pen of Rev. Moddy
+Pyram, who is mentioned by Hubbard as having been noted for a silver
+vein of poetry. If his papers be still extant, a copy might possibly be
+recovered.
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[3] The reader curious in such matters may refer (if he can find them)
+to "A Sermon preached on the Anniversary of the Dark Day," "An Artillery
+Election Sermon," "A Discourse on the Late Eclipse," "Dorcas, a Funeral
+Sermon on the Death of Madam Submit Tidd, Relict of the late Experience
+Tidd, Esq." &c. &c.
+
+
+
+
+THE BIGLOW PAPERS.
+
+
+
+
+No. I.
+
+A LETTER
+
+ FROM MR. EZEKIEL BIGLOW OF JAALAM TO THE HON. JOSEPH
+   T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, INCLOSING
+   A POEM OF HIS SON, MR. HOSEA BIGLOW.
+
+
+                                                JAYLEM, june 1846.
+
+MISTER EDDYTER:--Our Hosea wuz down to Boston last week, and he see a
+cruetin Sarjunt a struttin round as popler as a hen with 1 chicking,
+with 2 fellers a drummin and fifin arter him like all nater. the sarjunt
+he thout Hosea hedn't gut his i teeth cut cos he looked a kindo's though
+he'd jest com down, so he cal'lated to hook him in, but Hosy woodn't
+take none o' his sarse for all he hed much as 20 Rooster's tales stuck
+onto his hat and eenamost enuf brass a bobbin up and down on his
+shoulders and figureed onto his coat and trousis, let alone wut nater
+hed sot in his featers, to make a 6 pounder out on.
+
+wal, Hosea he com home considerabal riled, and arter I d gone to bed I
+heern Him a thrashin round like a short-tailed Bull in fli-time. The old
+Woman ses she to me ses she, Zekle, ses she, our Hosee's gut the
+chollery or suthin anuther ses she, don't you Bee skeered, ses I, he's
+oney amakin pottery[4] ses i, he's ollers on hand at that ere busynes
+like Da & martin, and shure enuf, cum mornin, Hosy he cum down stares
+full chizzle, hare on eend and cote tales flyin, and sot rite of to go
+reed his varses to Parson Wilbur bein he haint aney grate shows o' book
+larnin himself, bimeby he cum back and sed the parson wuz dreffle
+tickled with 'em as i hoop you will Be, and said they wuz True grit.
+
+Hosea ses taint hardly fair to call 'em hisn now, cos the parson kind o'
+slicked off sum o' the last varses, but he told Hosee he didn't want to
+put his ore in to tetch to the Rest on 'em, bein they wuz verry well As
+thay wuz, and then Hosy ses he sed suthin a nuther about Simplex
+Mundishes or sum sech feller, but I guess Hosea kind o' didn't hear him,
+for I never hearn o' nobody o' that name in this villadge, and I've
+lived here man and boy 76 year cum next tater diggin, and thair aint no
+wheres a kitting spryer 'n I be.
+
+If you print 'em I wish you'd jest let folks know who hosy's father is,
+cos my ant Keziah used to say it's nater to be curus ses she, she aint
+livin though and he's a likely kind o' lad.
+
+                                                   EZEKIEL BIGLOW.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    Thrash away, you 'll _hev_ to rattle
+      On them kittle drums o' yourn,--
+    'Taint a knowin' kind o' cattle
+      Thet is ketched with mouldy corn;
+    Put in stiff, you fifer feller,
+      Let folks see how spry you be,--
+    Guess you 'll toot till you are yeller
+      'Fore you git ahold o' me!
+
+    Thet air flag 's a leetle rotten,
+      Hope it aint your Sunday's best;--
+    Fact! it takes a sight o' cotton
+      To stuff out a soger's chest:
+    Sence we farmers hev to pay fer 't,
+      Ef you must wear humps like these,
+    Sposin' you should try salt hay fer 't,
+      It would du ez slick ez grease.
+
+    'T would n't suit them Southern fellers,
+      They 're a dreffle graspin' set,
+    We must ollers blow the bellers
+      Wen they want their irons het;
+    May be it 's all right ez preachin',
+      But _my_ narves it kind o' grates,
+    Wen I see the overreachin'
+      O' them nigger-drivin' States.
+
+    Them thet rule us, them slave-traders,
+      Haint they cut a thunderin' swarth
+    (Helped by Yankee renegaders),
+      Thru the vartu o' the North!
+    We begin to think it 's nater
+      To take sarse an' not be riled;--
+    Who 'd expect to see a tater
+      All on eend at bein' biled?
+
+    Ez fer war, I call it murder,--
+      There you hev it plain an' flat;
+    I don't want to go no furder
+      Than my Testyment fer that;
+    God hez sed so plump an' fairly,
+      It 's ez long ez it is broad,
+    An' you 've gut to git up airly
+      Ef you want to take in God.
+
+    'Taint your eppyletts an' feathers
+      Make the thing a grain more right;
+    Taint afollerin' your bell-wethers
+      Will excuse ye in His sight;
+    Ef you take a sword an' dror it,
+      An' go stick a feller thru,
+    Guv'ment aint to answer for it,
+      God 'll send the bill to you.
+
+    Wut 's the use o' meetin-goin'
+      Every Sabbath, wet or dry,
+    Ef it 's right to go amowin'
+      Feller-men like oats an' rye?
+    I dunno but wut it's pooty
+      Trainin' round in bobtail coats,--
+    But it 's curus Christian dooty
+      This ere cuttin' folks's throats.
+
+    They may talk o' Freedom's airy
+      Tell they 're pupple in the face,--
+    It 's a grand gret cemetary
+      Fer the barthrights of our race;
+    They jest want this Californy
+      So 's to lug new slave-states in
+    To abuse ye, an' to scorn ye,
+      An' to plunder ye like sin.
+
+    Aint it cute to see a Yankee
+      Take sech everlastin' pains
+    All to git the Devil's thankee,
+      Helpin' on 'em weld their chains?
+    Wy, it 's jest ez clear ez figgers,
+      Clear ez one an' one make two,
+    Chaps thet make black slaves o' niggers
+      Want to make wite slaves o' you.
+
+    Tell ye jest the eend I've come to
+      Arter cipherin' plaguy smart,
+    An' it makes a handy sum, tu,
+      Any gump could larn by heart;
+    Laborin' man an' laborin' woman
+      Hev one glory an' one shame,
+    Ev'y thin' thet 's done inhuman
+      Injers all on 'em the same.
+
+    'Taint by turnin' out to hack folks
+      You 're agoin' to git your right,
+    Nor by lookin' down on black folks
+      Coz you 're put upon by wite;
+    Slavery aint o' nary colour,
+      'Taint the hide thet makes it wus,
+    All it keers fer in a feller
+      'S jest to make him fill its pus.
+
+    Want to tackle _me_ in, du ye?
+      I expect you 'll hev to wait;
+    Wen cold lead puts daylight thru ye
+      You 'll begin to kal'late;
+    'Spose the crows wun't fall to pickin'
+      All the carkiss from your bones,
+    Coz you helped to give a lickin'
+      To them poor half-Spanish drones?
+
+    Jest go home an' ask our Nancy
+      Wether I'd be sech a goose
+    Ez to jine ye,--guess you'd fancy
+      The etarnal bung wuz loose!
+    She wants me fer home consumption,
+      Let alone the hay 's to mow,--
+    Ef you 're arter folks o' gumption,
+      You've a darned long row to hoe.
+
+    Take them editors thet 's crowin'
+      Like a cockerel three months old,--
+    Don't ketch any on 'em goin',
+      Though they _be_ so blasted bold;
+    _Aint_ they a prime set o' fellers?
+      'Fore they think on 't they will sprout
+    (Like a peach thet's got the yellers),
+      With the meanness bustin' out.
+
+    Wal, go 'long to help 'em stealin'
+      Bigger pens to cram with slaves,
+    Help the men thet 's ollers dealin'
+      Insults on your fathers' graves;
+    Help the strong to grind the feeble,
+      Help the many agin the few,
+    Help the men thet call your people
+      Witewashed slaves an' peddlin' crew!
+
+    Massachusetts, God forgive her,
+      She's akneelin' with the rest,
+    She, thet ough' to ha' clung fer ever
+      In her grand old eagle-nest;
+    She thet ough' to stand so fearless
+      Wile the wracks are round her hurled,
+    Holdin' up a beacon peerless
+      To the oppressed of all the world!
+
+    Haint they sold your coloured seamen?
+      Haint they made your env'ys wiz?
+    _Wut_ 'll make ye act like freemen?
+      _Wut_ 'll git your dander riz?
+    Come, I'll tell ye wut I 'm thinkin'
+      Is our dooty in this fix,
+    They 'd ha' done 't ez quick ez winkin'
+      In the days o' seventy-six.
+
+    Clang the bells in every steeple,
+      Call all true men to disown
+    The tradoocers of our people,
+      The enslavers o' their own;
+    Let our dear old Bay State proudly
+      Put the trumpet to her mouth,
+    Let her ring this messidge loudly
+      In the ears of all the South:--
+
+    "I 'll return ye good fer evil
+      Much ez we frail mortils can,
+    But I wun't go help the Devil
+      Makin' man the cus o' man;
+    Call me coward, call me traiter,
+      Jest ez suits your mean idees,--
+    Here I stand a tyrant-hater,
+      An' the friend o' God an Peace!"
+
+    Ef I'd _my_ way I hed ruther
+      We should go to work an' part,--
+    They take one way, we take t'other,--
+      Guess it would n't break my heart;
+    Men hed ough' to put asunder
+      Them thet God has noways jined;
+    An' I should n't gretly wonder
+      Ef there 's thousands o' my mind.
+
+
+[The first recruiting sergeant on record I conceive to have been that
+individual who is mentioned in the Book of Job as _going to and fro in
+the earth, and walking up and down in it_. Bishop Latimer will have him
+to have been a bishop, but to me that other calling would appear more
+congenial. The sect of Cainites is not yet extinct, who esteemed the
+first-born of Adam to be the most worthy, not only because of that
+privilege of primogeniture, but inasmuch as he was able to overcome and
+slay his younger brother. That was a wise saying of the famous Marquis
+Pescara to the Papal Legate, that _it was impossible for men to serve
+Mars and Christ at the same time_. Yet in time past the profession of
+arms was judged to be κατ' ἐξοχήν that of a gentleman, nor does this
+opinion want for strenuous upholders even in our day. Must we suppose,
+then, that the profession of Christianity was only intended for losels,
+or, at best, to afford an opening for plebeian ambition? Or shall we
+hold with that nicely metaphysical Pomeranian, Captain Vratz, who was
+Count Königsmark's chief instrument in the murder of Mr. Thynne, that
+the scheme of salvation has been arranged with an especial eye to the
+necessities of the upper classes, and that "God would consider _a
+gentleman_, and deal with him suitably to the condition and profession
+he had placed him in"? It may be said of us all, _Exemplo plus quam
+ratione vivimus_.--H. W.]
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[4] _Aut insanit, aut versus facit._--H. W.
+
+
+
+
+No. II.
+
+A LETTER
+
+ FROM MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE HON. J. T. BUCKINGHAM,
+   EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, COVERING A LETTER FROM
+   MR. B. SAWIN, PRIVATE IN THE MASSACHUSETTS REGIMENT.
+
+
+[This letter of Mr. Sawin's was not originally written in verse. Mr.
+Biglow, thinking it peculiarly susceptible of metrical adornment,
+translated it, so to speak, into his own vernacular tongue. This is not
+the time to consider the question, whether rhyme be a mode of expression
+natural to the human race. If leisure from other and more important
+avocations be granted, I will handle the matter more at large in an
+appendix to the present volume. In this place I will barely remark, that
+I have sometimes noticed in the unlanguaged prattlings of infants a
+fondness for alliteration, assonance, and even rhyme, in which natural
+predisposition we may trace the three degrees through which our
+Anglo-Saxon verse rose to its culmination in the poetry of Pope. I would
+not be understood as questioning in these remarks that pious theory
+which supposes that children, if left entirely to themselves, would
+naturally discourse in Hebrew. For this the authority of one experiment
+is claimed, and I could, with Sir Thomas Browne, desire its
+establishment, inasmuch as the acquirement of that sacred tongue would
+thereby be facilitated. I am aware that Herodotus states the conclusion
+of Psammiticus to have been in favour of a dialect of the Phrygian.
+But, beside the chance that a trial of this importance would hardly be
+blessed to a Pagan monarch whose only motive was curiosity, we have on
+the Hebrew side the comparatively recent investigation of James the
+Fourth of Scotland. I will add to this prefatory remark, that Mr. Sawin,
+though a native of Jaalam, has never been a stated attendant on the
+religious exercises of my congregation. I consider my humble efforts
+prospered in that not one of my sheep hath ever indued the wolf's
+clothing of war, save for the comparatively innocent diversion of a
+militia training. Not that my flock are backward to undergo the
+hardships of _defensive_ warfare. They serve cheerfully in the great
+army which fights even unto death _pro aris et focis_, accoutred with
+the spade, the axe, the plane, the sledge, the spelling-book, and other
+such effectual weapons against want and ignorance and unthrift. I have
+taught them (under God) to esteem our human institutions as but tents of
+a night, to be stricken whenever Truth puts the bugle to her lips, and
+sounds a march to the heights of wider-viewed intelligence and more
+perfect organization.--H. W.]
+
+
+MISTER BUCKINUM, the follerin Billet was writ hum by a Yung feller of
+our town that wuz cussed fool enuff to goe atrottin inter Miss Chiff
+arter a Drum and fife. it ain't Nater for a feller to let on that he's
+sick o' any bizness that He went intu off his own free will and a Cord,
+but I rather cal'late he's middlin tired o' Voluntearin By this Time. I
+bleeve u may put dependunts on his statemence. For I never heered nothin
+bad on him let Alone his havin what Parson Wilbur calls a _pongshong_
+for cocktales, and he ses it wuz a soshiashun of idees sot him agoin
+arter the Crootin Sargient cos he wore a cocktale onto his hat.
+
+his Folks gin the letter to me and i shew it to parson Wilbur and he ses
+it oughter Bee printed. send It to mister Buckinum, ses he, i don't
+ollers agree with him, ses he, but by Time,[5] ses he, I _du_ like a
+feller that ain't a Feared.
+
+I have intusspussed a Few refleckshuns hear and thair. We're kind o'
+prest with Hayin.
+
+                                         Ewers respecfly,
+
+                                                    HOSEA BIGLOW.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    This kind o' sogerin' aint a mite like our October trainin',
+    A chap could clear right out from there ef 't only looked like rainin'.
+    An' th' Cunnles, tu, could kiver up their shappoes with bandanners,
+    An' send the insines skootin' to the bar-room with their banners
+    (Fear o' gittin' on 'em spotted), an' a feller could cry quarter
+    Ef he fired away his ramrod arter tu much rum an' water.
+
+    Recollect wut fun we hed, you 'n I an' Ezry Hollis,
+    Up there to Waltham plain last fall, ahavin' the Cornwallis?[6]
+    This sort o' thing aint _jest_ like thet,--I wish thet I wuz
+              furder,--[7]
+    Nimepunce a day fer killin' folks comes kind o' low fer murder
+    (Wy I 've worked out to slarterin' some fer Deacon Cephas Billins,
+    An' in the hardest times there wuz I ollers tetched ten shillins),
+    There's sutthin' gits into my throat thet makes it hard to swaller,
+    It comes so nateral to think about a hempen collar;
+    It 's glory,--but, in spite o' all my tryin' to git callous,
+    I feel a kind o' in a cart, aridin' to the gallus.
+    But wen it comes to _bein'_ killed,--I tell ye I felt streaked
+    The fust time ever I found out wy baggonets wuz peaked;
+    Here's how it wuz: I started out to go to a fandango,
+    The sentinul he ups an' sez, "Thet 's furder 'an you can go."
+    "None o' your sarse," sez I; sez he, "Stan' back!" "Aint you a buster?"
+    Sez I, "I 'm up to all thet air, I guess I've ben to muster;
+    I know wy sentinuls air sot; you aint agoin' to eat us;
+    Caleb haint no monopoly to court the seenoreetas;
+    My folks to hum air full ez good ez hisn be, by golly!"
+    An' so ez I wuz goin' by, not thinkin' wut would folly,
+    The everlastin' cus he stuck his one-pronged pitchfork in me
+    An' made a hole right thru my close ez ef I wuz an in'my.
+    Wal, it beats all how big I felt hoorawin' in ole Funnel
+    Wen Mister Bolles he gin the sword to our Leftenant Cunnle
+    (It 's Mister Secondary Bolles,[8] thet writ the prize peace essay;
+    Thet 's wy he did n't list himself along o us, I dessay),
+    An' Rantoul, tu, talked pooty loud, but don't put _his_ foot in it,
+    Coz human life 's so sacred thet he 's principled agin' it,--
+    Though I myself can 't rightly see it 's any wus achokin' on 'em
+    Than puttin' bullets thru their lights, or with a bagnet pokin' on 'em;
+    How dreffle slick he reeled it off (like Blitz at our lyceum
+    Ahaulin' ribbins from his chops so quick you skeercely see 'em),
+    About the Anglo-Saxon race (an' saxons would be handy
+    To du the buryin' down here upon the Rio Grandy),
+    About our patriotic pas an' our star-spangled banner,
+    Our country's bird alookin' on an' singin' out hosanner,
+    An' how he (Mister B. himself) wuz happy fer Ameriky,--
+    I felt, ez sister Patience sez, a leetle mite histericky.
+    I felt, I swon, ez though it wuz a dreffle kind o' privilege
+    Atrampin' round thru Boston streets among the gutter's drivelage;
+    I act'lly thought it wuz a treat to hear a little drummin',
+    An' it did bonyfidy seem millanyum wuz acomin'
+    Wen all on us got suits (darned like them wore in the state prison)
+    An' every feller felt ez though all Mexico wuz hisn.[9]
+
+    This 'ere 's about the meanest place a skunk could wal diskiver
+    (Saltillo 's Mexican, I b'lieve, fer wut we call Saltriver).
+    The sort o' trash a feller gits to eat doos beat all nater,
+    I 'd give a year's pay fer a smell o' one good bluenose tater;
+    The country here thet Mister Bolles declared to be so charmin'
+    Throughout is swarmin' with the most alarmin' kind o' varmin'.
+    He talked about delishis froots, but then it wuz a wopper all,
+    The holl on't 's mud an' prickly pears, with here an' there a
+              chapparal;
+    You see a feller peekin' out, an', fust you know, a lariat
+    Is round your throat an' you a copse, 'fore you can say, "Wut air ye
+              at?"[10]
+    You never see sech darned gret bugs (it may not be irrelevant
+    To say I 've seen a _scarabæus pilularius_[11] big ez a year old
+              elephant),
+    The rigiment come up one day in time to stop a red bug
+    From runnin' off with Cunnle Wright,--'t wuz jest a common _cimex
+              lectularius_.
+    One night I started up on eend an' thought I wuz to hum agin,
+    I heern a horn, thinks I it 's Sol the fisherman hez come agin,
+    _His_ bellowses is sound enough,--ez I 'm a livin' creeter,
+    I felt a thing go thru my leg,--'t wuz nothin' more 'n a skeeter!
+    Then there 's the yaller fever, tu, they call it here el vomito,--
+    (Come, thet wun't du, you landcrab there, I tell ye to le' _go_ my toe!
+    My gracious! it 's a scorpion thet 's took a shine to play with 't,
+    I dars n't skeer the tarnal thing fer fear he 'd run away with 't.)
+    Afore I come away from hum I hed a strong persuasion
+    Thet Mexicans worn't human beans,[12]--an ourang outang nation,
+    A sort o' folks a chap could kill an' never dream on 't arter,
+    No more 'n a feller 'd dream o' pigs thet he hed hed to slarter;
+    I 'd an idee thet they were built arter the darkie fashion all,
+    An' kickin' coloured folks about, you know, 's a kind o' national;
+    But wen I jined I worn't so wise ez thet air queen o' Sheby,
+    Fer, come to look at 'em, they aint much diff'rent from wut we be,
+    An' here we air ascrougin' 'em out o' thir own dominions,
+    Ashelterin' 'em, ez Caleb sez, under our eagle's pinions,
+    Wich means to take a feller up jest by the slack o' 's trowsis
+    An' walk him Spanish clean right out o' all his homes an' houses;
+    Wal, it doos seem a curus way, but then hooraw fer Jackson!
+    It must be right, fer Caleb sez it 's reg'lar Anglosaxon.
+    The Mex'cans don't fight fair, they say, they piz'n all the water,
+    An' du amazin' lots o' things thet is n't wut they ough' to;
+    Bein' they haint no lead, they make their bullets out o' copper
+    An' shoot the darned things at us, tu, wich Caleb sez aint proper;
+    He sez they 'd ough' to stan' right up an' let us pop 'em fairly
+    (Guess wen he ketches 'em at thet he 'll hev to git up airly),
+    Thet our nation 's bigger 'n theirn an' so its rights air bigger,
+    An' thet it 's all to make 'em free thet we air pullin' trigger,
+    Thet Anglo Saxondom's idee 's abreakin' 'em to pieces,
+    An' thet idee 's thet every man doos jest wut he damn pleases;
+    Ef I don't make his meanin' clear, perhaps in some respex I can,
+    I know thet "every man" don't mean a nigger or a Mexican;
+    An' there 's another thing I know, an' thet is, ef these creeturs,
+    Thet stick an Anglosaxon mask onto State-prison feeturs,
+    Should come to Jaalam Centre fer to argify an' spout on 't,
+    The gals 'ould count the silver spoons the minnit they cleared out
+              on 't.
+
+    This goin' ware glory waits ye haint one agreeable feetur,
+    An' ef it worn't fer wakin' snakes, I 'd home agin short meter;
+    O, would n't I be off, quick time, ef 't worn't thet I wuz sartin
+    They 'd let the daylight into me to pay me fer desartin!
+    I don't approve o' tellin' tales, but jest to you I may state
+    Our ossifers aint wut they wuz afore they left the Bay-state;
+    Then it wuz "Mister Sawin, sir, you 're middlin' well now, be ye?
+    Step up an' take a nipper, sir; I 'm dreffle glad to see ye;"
+    But now it 's "Ware 's my eppylet? here, Sawin, step an' fetch it!
+    An' mind your eye, be thund'rin' spry, or, damn ye, you shall ketch
+              it!"
+    Wal, ez the Doctor sez, some pork will bile so, but by mighty,
+    Ef I hed some on 'em to hum, I 'd give 'em linkum vity,
+    I 'd play the rogue's march on their hides an' other music
+              follerin'----
+    But I must close my letter here, for one on 'em 's ahollerin',
+    These Anglosaxon ossifers,--wal, taint no use ajawin',
+    I 'm safe enlisted fer the war,
+
+                                        Yourn,
+
+                                                BIRDOFREDOM SAWIN.
+
+
+[Those have not been wanting (as, indeed, when hath Satan been to seek
+for attorneys?) who have maintained that our late inroad upon Mexico was
+undertaken, not so much for the avenging of any national quarrel, as for
+the spreading of free institutions and of Protestantism. _Capita vix
+duabus Anticyris medenda!_ Verily I admire that no pious sergeant among
+these new Crusaders beheld Martin Luther riding at the front of the host
+upon a tamed pontifical bull, as, in that former invasion of Mexico, the
+zealous Diaz (spawn though he were of the Scarlet Woman) was favoured
+with a vision of St. James of Compostella, skewering the infidels upon
+his apostolical lance. We read, also, that Richard of the lion heart,
+having gone to Palestine on a similar errand of mercy, was divinely
+encouraged to cut the throats of such Paynims as refused to swallow the
+bread of life (doubtless that they might be thereafter incapacitated for
+swallowing the filthy gobbets of Mahound) by angels of heaven, who cried
+to the king and his knights,--_Seigneurs, tuez! tuez!_ providentially
+using the French tongue, as being the only one understood by their
+auditors. This would argue for the pantoglottism of these celestial
+intelligences, while, on the other hand, the Devil, _teste_ Cotton
+Mather, is unversed in certain of the Indian dialects. Yet must he be a
+semeiologist the most expert, making himself intelligible to every
+people and kindred by signs; no other discourse, indeed, being needful,
+than such as the mackerel-fisher holds with his finned quarry, who, if
+other bait be wanting, can by a bare bit of white rag at the end of a
+string captivate those foolish fishes. Such piscatorial oratory is Satan
+cunning in. Before one he trails a hat and feather, or a bare feather
+without a hat; before another, a Presidential chair, or a tidewaiter's
+stool, or a pulpit in the city, no matter what. To us, dangling there
+over our heads, they seem junkets dropped out of the seventh heaven,
+sops dipped in nectar, but, once in our mouths, they are all one, bits
+of fuzzy cotton.
+
+This, however, by the way. It is time now _revocare gradum_. While so
+many miracles of this sort, vouched by eye-witnesses, have encouraged
+the arms of Papists, not to speak of those _Dioscuri_ (whom we must
+conclude imps of the pit) who sundry times captained the pagan Roman
+soldiery, it is strange that our first American crusade was not in some
+such wise also signalized. Yet it is said that the Lord hath manifestly
+prospered our armies. This opens the question, whether, when our hands
+are strengthened to make great slaughter of our enemies, it be
+absolutely and demonstratively certain that this might is added to us
+from above, or whether some Potentate from an opposite quarter may not
+have a finger in it, as there are few pies into which his meddling
+digits are not thrust. Would the Sanctifier and Setter-apart of the
+seventh day have assisted in a victory gained on the Sabbath, as was one
+in the late war? Or has that day become less an object of his especial
+care since the year 1697, when so manifest a providence occurred to Mr.
+William Trowbridge, in answer to whose prayers, when he and all on
+shipboard with him were starving, a dolphin was sent daily, "which was
+enough to serve 'em; only on _Saturdays_ they still catched a couple,
+and on the _Lord's Days_ they could catch none at all"? Haply they might
+have been permitted, by way of mortification, to take some few sculpins
+(those banes of the salt-water angler), which unseemly fish would,
+moreover, have conveyed to them a symbolical reproof for their breach of
+the day, being known in the rude dialect of our mariners as _Cape Cod
+Clergymen_.
+
+It has been a refreshment to many nice consciences to know that our
+Chief Magistrate would not regard with eyes of approval the (by many
+esteemed) sinful pastime of dancing, and I own myself to be so far of
+that mind, that I could not but set my face against this Mexican Polka,
+though danced to the Presidential piping with a Gubernatorial second. If
+ever the country should be seized with another such mania _de propagandâ
+fide_, I think it would be wise to fill our bombshells with alternate
+copies of the Cambridge Platform and the Thirty-nine Articles, which
+would produce a mixture of the highest explosive power, and to wrap
+every one of our cannon-balls in a leaf of the New Testament, the
+reading of which is denied to those who sit in the darkness of Popery.
+Those iron evangelists would thus be able to disseminate vital religion
+and Gospel truth in quarters inaccessible to the ordinary missionary. I
+have seen lads, unimpregnate with the more sublimated punctiliousness of
+Walton, secure pickerel, taking their unwary _siesta_ beneath the
+lily-pads too nigh the surface, with a gun and small shot. Why not,
+then, since gunpowder was unknown to the apostles (not to enter here
+upon the question whether it were discovered before that period by the
+Chinese), suit our metaphor to the age in which we live, and say
+_shooters_ as well as _fishers_ of men?
+
+I do much fear that we shall be seized now and then with a Protestant
+fervour, as long as we have neighbour Naboths whose wallowings in
+Papistical mire excite our horror in exact proportion to the size and
+desirableness of their vineyards. Yet I rejoice that some earnest
+Protestants have been made by this war,--I mean those who protested
+against it. Fewer they were than I could wish, for one might imagine
+America to have been colonized by a tribe of those nondescript African
+animals the Aye-Ayes, so difficult a word is _No_ to us all. There is
+some malformation or defect of the vocal organs, which either prevents
+our uttering it at all, or gives it so thick a pronunciation as to be
+unintelligible. A mouth filled with the national pudding, or watering in
+expectation thereof, is wholly incompetent to this refractory
+monosyllable. An abject and herpetic Public Opinion is the Pope, the
+Anti-Christ, for us to protest against _e corde cordium_. And by what
+College of Cardinals is this our God's-vicar, our binder and looser,
+elected? Very like, by the sacred conclave of Tag, Rag, and Bobtail, the
+gracious atmosphere of the grog-shop. Yet it is of this that we must all
+be puppets. This thumps the pulpit-cushion, this guides the editor's
+pen, this wags the senator's tongue. This decides what Scriptures are
+canonical, and shuffles Christ away into the Apocrypha. According to
+that sentence fathered upon Solon, Οὕτω δημόσιον κακὸν ἔρχεται οἴκαδ'
+ἑκάστῳ. This unclean spirit is skilful to assume various shapes. I
+have known it to enter my own study and nudge my elbow of a Saturday,
+under the semblance of a wealthy member of my congregation. It were a
+great blessing, if every particular of what in the sum we call popular
+sentiment could carry about the name of its manufacturer stamped legibly
+upon it. I gave a stab under the fifth rib to that pestilent
+fallacy,--"Our country, right or wrong,"--by tracing its original to a
+speech of Ensign Cilley at a dinner of the Bungtown Fencibles.--H. W.]
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[5] In relation to this expression, I cannot but think that Mr. Biglow
+has been too hasty in attributing it to me. Though Time be a
+comparatively innocent personage to swear by, and though Longinus in his
+discourse Περι Ὕψους has commended timely oaths as not only a useful
+but sublime figure of speech, yet I have always kept my lips free from
+that abomination. _Odi profanum vulgus_, I hate your swearing and
+hectoring fellows.--H. W.
+
+[6] i hait the Site of a feller with a muskit as I du pizn But their
+_is_ fun to a cornwallis I aint agoin' to deny it.--H. B.
+
+[7] he means Not quite so fur i guess.--H. B.
+
+[8] the ignerant creeter means Sekketary; but he ollers stuck to his
+books like cobbler's wax to an ile-stone.--H. B.
+
+[9] it must be aloud that thare 's a streak o' nater in lovin' sho, but
+it sartinly is 1 of the curusest things in nater to see a rispecktable
+dri goods dealer (deekon off a chutch mayby) a riggin' himself out in
+the Weigh they du and struttin' round in the Reign aspilin' his trowsis
+and makin' wet goods of himself. Ef any thin 's foolisher and moor
+dicklus than militerry gloary it is milishy gloary.--H. B.
+
+[10] these fellers are verry proppilly called Rank Heroes, and the more
+tha kill the ranker and more Herowick tha bekum.--H. B.
+
+[11] it wuz "tumblebug" as he Writ it, but the parson put the Latten
+instid. i sed tother maid better meeter, but he said tha was eddykated
+peepl to Boston and tha would n't stan' it no how. idnow as tha _wood_
+and idnow _as_ tha wood.--H. B.
+
+[12] he means human beins, that 's wut he means. i spose he kinder
+thought tha wuz human beans ware the Xisle Poles comes from.--H. B.
+
+
+
+
+No. III.
+
+WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS.
+
+
+[A few remarks on the following verses will not be out of place. The
+satire in them was not meant to have any personal, but only a general,
+application. Of the gentleman upon whose letter they were intended as a
+commentary Mr. Biglow had never heard, till he saw the letter itself.
+The position of the satirist is oftentimes one which he would not have
+chosen had the election been left to himself. In attacking bad
+principles, he is obliged to select some individual who has made himself
+their exponent, and in whom they are impersonate, to the end that what
+he says may not, through ambiguity, be dissipated _tenues in auras_. For
+what says Seneca? _Longum iter per præcepta, breve et efficace per
+exempla._ A bad principle is comparatively harmless while it continues
+to be an abstraction, nor can the general mind comprehend it fully till
+it is printed in that large type which all men can read at sight,
+namely, the life and character, the sayings and doings, of particular
+persons. It is one of the cunningest fetches of Satan, that he never
+exposes himself directly to our arrows, but, still dodging behind this
+neighbour or that acquaintance, compels us to wound him through them, if
+at all. He holds our affections as hostages, the while he patches up a
+truce with our conscience.
+
+Meanwhile, let us not forget that the aim of the true satirist is not to
+be severe upon persons, but only upon falsehood: and, as Truth and
+Falsehood start from the same point, and sometimes even go along
+together for a little way, his business is to follow the path of the
+latter after it diverges, and to show her floundering in the bog at the
+end of it. Truth is quite beyond the reach of satire. There is so brave
+a simplicity in her, that she can no more be made ridiculous than an oak
+or a pine. The danger of the satirist is, that continual use may deaden
+his sensibility to the force of language. He becomes more and more
+liable to strike harder than he knows or intends. He may be careful to
+put on his boxing-gloves, and yet forget, that, the older they grow, the
+more plainly may the knuckles inside be felt. Moreover, in the heat of
+contest, the eye is insensibly drawn to the crown of victory, whose
+tawdry tinsel glitters through that dust of the ring which obscures
+Truth's wreath of simple leaves. I have sometimes thought that my young
+friend, Mr. Biglow, needed a monitory hand laid on his arm,--_aliquid
+sufflaminandus erat_. I have never thought it good husbandry to water
+the tender plants of reform with _aqua fortis_, yet, where so much is to
+do in the beds, he were a sorry gardener who should wage a whole day's
+war with an iron scuffle on those ill weeds that make the garden-walks
+of life unsightly, when a sprinkle of Attic salt will wither them up.
+_Est ars etiam maledicendi_, says Scaliger, and truly it is a hard thing
+to say where the graceful gentleness of the lamb merges in downright
+sheepishness. We may conclude with worthy and wise Dr. Fuller, that "one
+may be a lamb in private wrongs, but in hearing general affronts to
+goodness they are asses which are not lions."--H. W.]
+
+
+    Guvener B. is a sensible man;
+      He stays to his home an' looks arter his folks;
+    He draws his furrer ez straight ez he can,
+      An' into nobody's tater-patch pokes;--
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.
+
+    My! aint it terrible? Wut shall we du?
+      We can't never choose him, o' course,--thet 's flat;
+    Guess we shall hev to come round, (don't you?)
+      An' go in fer thunder an' guns, an' all that;
+                Fer John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.
+
+    Gineral C. is a dreffle smart man:
+      He 's ben on all sides thet give places or pelf;
+    But consistency still wuz a part of his plan,--
+      He 's ben true to _one_ party,--an' thet is himself;--
+                So John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.
+
+    Gineral C. he goes in fer the war;
+      He don't vally principle more 'n an old cud;
+    Wut did God make us raytional creeturs fer,
+      But glory an' gunpowder, plunder an' blood?
+                So John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.
+
+    We were gittin' on nicely up here to our village,
+      With good old idees o' wut 's right an' wut aint,
+    We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage,
+      An' thet eppyletts worn't the best mark of a saint;
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez this kind o' thing 's an exploded idee.
+
+    The side of our country must ollers be took,
+      An' Presidunt Polk, you know, _he_ is our country;
+    An' the angel thet writes all our sins in a book
+      Puts the _debit_ to him, an' to us the _per contry_;
+                An' John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez this is his view o' the thing to a T.
+
+    Parson Wilbur he calls all these argimunts lies;
+      Sez they 're nothin' on airth but jest _fee, faw, fum_;
+    An' thet all this big talk of our destinies
+      Is half on it ignorance, an' t'other half rum;
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez it aint no sech thing; an', of course, so must we.
+
+    Parson Wilbur sez _he_ never heerd in his life
+      Thet th' Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats
+    An' marched round in front of a drum an' a fife,
+      To git some on 'em office, an' some on 'em votes;
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez they did n't know everythin' down in Judee.
+
+    Wal, it 's a marcy we 've gut folks to tell us
+      The rights an' the wrongs o' these matters, I vow,--
+    God sends country lawyers, an' other wise fellers,
+      To drive the world's team wen it gits in a slough;
+                Fer John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez the world 'll go right, ef he hollers out Gee!
+
+
+[The attentive reader will doubtless have perceived in the foregoing
+poem an allusion to that pernicious sentiment,--"Our country, right or
+wrong." It is an abuse of language to call a certain portion of land
+much more certain personages elevated for the time being to high
+station, our country. I would not sever nor loosen a single one of those
+ties by which we are united to the spot of our birth, nor minish by a
+tittle the respect due to the Magistrate. I love our own Bay State too
+well to do the one, and as for the other, I have myself for nigh forty
+years exercised, however unworthily, the function of Justice of the
+Peace, having been called thereto by the unsolicited kindness of that
+most excellent man and upright patriot, Caleb Strong. _Patriæ fumus igne
+alieno luculentior_ is best qualified with this,--_Ubi libertas, ibi
+patria_. We are inhabitants of two worlds, and owe a double, but not a
+divided, allegiance. In virtue of our clay, this little ball of earth
+exacts a certain loyalty of us; while, in our capacity as spirits, we
+are admitted citizens of an invisible and holier fatherland. There is a
+patriotism of the soul whose claim absolves us from our other and
+terrene fealty. Our true country is that ideal realm which we represent
+to ourselves under the names of religion, duty, and the like. Our
+terrestrial organizations are but far-off approaches to so fair a model,
+and all they are verily traitors who resist not any attempt to divert
+them from this their original intendment. When, therefore, one would
+have us to fling up our caps and shout with the multitude,--"_Our
+country, however bounded!_" he demands of us that we sacrifice the
+larger to the less, the higher to the lower, and that we yield to the
+imaginary claims of a few acres of soil our duty and privilege as
+liegemen of Truth. Our true country is bounded on the north and the
+south, on the east and the west, by Justice, and when she oversteps that
+invisible boundary-line by so much as a hair's-breadth, she ceases to be
+our mother, and chooses rather to be looked upon _quasi noverca_. That
+is a hard choice, when our earthly love of country calls upon us to
+tread one path and our duty points us to another. We must make as noble
+and becoming an election as did Penelope between Icarius and Ulysses.
+Veiling our faces, we must take silently the hand of Duty to follow her.
+
+Shortly after the publication of the foregoing poem, there appeared some
+comments upon it in one of the public prints which seemed to call for
+some animadversion. I accordingly addressed to Mr. Buckingham, of the
+_Boston Courier_, the following letter.
+
+                                        "JAALAM, November 4, 1847.
+
+"_To the Editor of the Courier:_
+
+"RESPECTED SIR,--Calling at the post-office this morning, our worthy and
+efficient postmaster offered for my perusal a paragraph in the Boston
+Morning Post of the 3d instant, wherein certain effusions of the
+pastoral muse are attributed to the pen of Mr. James Russell Lowell. For
+ought I know or can affirm to the contrary, this Mr. Lowell may be a
+very deserving person and a youth of parts (though I have seen verses of
+his which I could never rightly understand); and if he be such, he, I am
+certain, as well as I, would be free from any proclivity to appropriate
+to himself whatever of credit (or discredit) may honestly belong to
+another. I am confident, that, in penning these few lines, I am only
+forestalling a disclaimer from that young gentleman, whose silence
+hitherto, when rumour pointed to himward, has excited in my bosom
+mingled emotions of sorrow and surprise. Well may my young parishioner,
+Mr. Biglow, exclaim with the poet,
+
+    "'Sic vos non vobis' &c.;
+
+though, in saying this, I would not convey the impression that he is a
+proficient in the Latin tongue,--the tongue, I might add, of a Horace
+and a Tully.
+
+"Mr. B. does not employ his pen, I can safely say, for any lucre of
+worldly gain, or to be exalted by the carnal plaudits of men, _digito
+monstrari_, &c. He does not wait upon Providence for mercies, and in his
+heart mean _merces_. But I should esteem myself as verily deficient in
+my duty (who am his friend and in some unworthy sort his spiritual
+_fidus Achates_, &c.), if I did not step forward to claim for him
+whatever measure of applause might be assigned to him by the judicious.
+
+"If this were a fitting occasion, I might venture here a brief
+dissertation touching the manner and kind of my young friend's poetry.
+But I dubitate whether this abstruser sort of speculation (though
+enlivened by some apposite instances from Aristophanes) would
+sufficiently interest your oppidan readers. As regards their satirical
+tone, and their plainness of speech, I will only say, that, in my
+pastoral experience, I have found that the Arch-Enemy loves nothing
+better than to be treated as a religious, moral, and intellectual being,
+and that there is no _apage Sathanas_! so potent as ridicule. But it is
+a kind of weapon that must have a button of good-nature on the point of
+it.
+
+"The productions of Mr. B. have been stigmatized in some quarters as
+unpatriotic; but I can vouch that he loves his native soil with that
+hearty, though discriminating, attachment which springs from an intimate
+social intercourse of many years' standing. In the ploughing season, no
+one has a deeper share in the well-being of the country than he. If Dean
+Swift were right in saying that he who makes two blades of grass grow
+where one grew before confers a greater benefit on the state than he who
+taketh a city, Mr. B. might exhibit a fairer claim to the Presidency
+than General Scott himself. I think that some of those disinterested
+lovers of the hard-handed democracy, whose fingers have never touched
+anything rougher than the dollars of our common country, would hesitate
+to compare palms with him. It would do your heart good, respected Sir,
+to see that young man now. He cuts a cleaner and wider swarth than any
+in this town.
+
+"But it is time for me to be at my Post. It is very clear that my young
+friend's shot has struck the lintel, for the Post is shaken (Amos ix.
+1). The editor of that paper is a strenuous advocate of the Mexican war,
+and a colonel, as I am given to understand. I presume, that, being
+necessarily absent in Mexico, he has left his journal in some less
+judicious hands. At any rate, the Post has been too swift on this
+occasion. It could hardly have cited a more incontrovertible line from
+any poem than that which it has selected for animadversion, namely,--
+
+    "'We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage.'
+
+"If the Post maintains the converse of this proposition, it can hardly
+be considered as a safe guide-post for the moral and religious portions
+of its party, however many other excellent qualities of a post it may be
+blessed with. There is a sign in London on which is painted,--'The Green
+Man.' It would do very well as a portrait of any individual who would
+support so unscriptural a thesis. As regards the language of the line in
+question, I am bold to say that He who readeth the hearts of men will
+not account any dialect unseemly which conveys a sound and pious
+sentiment. I could wish that such sentiments were more common, however
+uncouthly expressed. Saint Ambrose affirms, that _veritas a quocunque_
+(why not, then _quomodocunque_?) _dicatur, a spiritu sancto est_. Digest
+also this of Baxter:--'The plainest words are the most profitable
+oratory in weightiest matters.'
+
+"When the paragraph in question was shown to Mr. Biglow, the only part
+of it which seemed to give him any dissatisfaction was that which
+classed him with the Whig party. He says, that, if resolutions are a
+nourishing kind of diet, that party must be in a very hearty and
+flourishing condition; for that they have quietly eaten more good ones
+of their own baking than he could have conceived to be possible without
+repletion. He has been for some years past (I regret to say) an ardent
+opponent of those sound doctrines of protective policy which form so
+prominent a portion of the creed of that party. I confess, that, in some
+discussions which I have had with him on this point in my study, he has
+displayed a vein of obstinacy which I had not hitherto detected in his
+composition. He is also (_horresco referens_) infected in no small
+measure with the peculiar notions of a print called the Liberator,
+whose heresies I take every proper opportunity of combating, and of
+which, I thank God, I have never read a single line.
+
+"I did not see Mr. B.'s verses until they appeared in print, and there
+_is_ certainly one thing in them which I consider highly improper. I
+allude to the personal references to myself by name. To confer notoriety
+on an humble individual who is labouring quietly in his vocation, and
+who keeps his cloth as free as he can from the dust of the political
+arena (though _væ mihi si non evangelizavero_), is no doubt an
+indecorum. The sentiments which he attributes to me I will not deny to
+be mine. They were embodied, though in a different form, in a discourse
+preached upon the last day of public fasting, and were acceptable to my
+entire people (of whatever political views), except the postmaster, who
+dissented _ex officio_. I observe that you sometimes devote a portion of
+your paper to a religious summary. I should be well pleased to furnish a
+copy of my discourse for insertion in this department of your
+instructive journal. By omitting the advertisements, it might easily be
+got within the limits of a single number, and I venture to insure you
+the sale of some scores of copies in this town. I will cheerfully render
+myself responsible for ten. It might possibly be advantageous to issue
+it as an _extra_. But perhaps you will not esteem it an object, and I
+will not press it. My offer does not spring from any weak desire of
+seeing my name in print; for I can enjoy this satisfaction at any time
+by turning to the Triennial Catalogue of the University, where it also
+possesses that added emphasis of Italics with which those of my calling
+are distinguished.
+
+"I would simply add, that I continue to fit ingenuous youth for college,
+and that I have two spacious and airy sleeping apartments at this moment
+unoccupied. _Ingenuas didicisse_, &c. Terms, which vary according to the
+circumstances of the parents, may be known on application to me by
+letter, post paid. In all cases the lad will be expected to fetch his
+own towels. This rule, Mrs. W. desires me to add, has no exceptions.
+
+                       "Respectfully, your obedient servant,
+
+                                               "HOMER WILBUR, A.M.
+
+"P.S. Perhaps the last paragraph may look like an attempt to obtain the
+insertion of my circular gratuitously. If it should appear to you in
+that light, I desire that you would erase it, or charge for it at the
+usual rates, and deduct the amount from the proceeds in your hands from
+the sale of my discourse, when it shall be printed. My circular is much
+longer and more explicit, and will be forwarded without charge to any
+who may desire it. It has been very neatly executed on a letter sheet,
+by a very deserving printer, who attends upon my ministry, and is a
+creditable specimen of the typographic art. I have one hung over my
+mantelpiece in a neat frame, where it makes a beautiful and appropriate
+ornament, and balances the profile of Mrs. W., cut with her toes by the
+young lady born without arms.                               H. W."
+
+I have in the foregoing letter mentioned General Scott in connexion with
+the Presidency, because I have been given to understand that he has
+blown to pieces and otherwise caused to be destroyed more Mexicans than
+any other commander. His claim would therefore be deservedly considered
+the strongest. Until accurate returns of the Mexican killed, wounded,
+and maimed be obtained, it would be difficult to settle these nice
+points of precedence. Should it prove that any other officer has been
+more meritorious and destructive than General. S., and has thereby
+rendered himself more worthy of the confidence and support of the
+conservative portion of our community, I shall cheerfully insert his
+name, instead of that of General S., in a future edition. It may be
+thought, likewise, that General S. has invalidated his claims by too
+much attention to the decencies of apparel, and the habits belonging to
+a gentleman. These abstruser points of statesmanship are beyond my
+scope. I wonder not that successful military achievement should attract
+the admiration of the multitude. Rather do I rejoice with wonder to
+behold how rapidly this sentiment is losing its hold upon the popular
+mind. It is related of Thomas Warton, the second of that honoured name
+who held the office of Poetry Professor at Oxford, that, when one wished
+to find him, being absconded, as was his wont, in some obscure alehouse,
+he was counselled to traverse the city with a drum and fife, the sound
+of which inspiring music would be sure to draw the Doctor from his
+retirement into the street. We are all more or less bitten with this
+martial insanity. _Nescio quâ dulcedine ... cunctos ducit._ I confess to
+some infection of that itch myself. When I see a Brigadier-General
+maintaining his insecure elevation in the saddle under the severe fire
+of the training-field, and when I remember that some military
+enthusiasts, through haste, inexperience, or an over-desire to lend
+reality to those fictitious combats, will sometimes discharge their
+ramrods, I cannot but admire, while I deplore, the mistaken devotion of
+those heroic officers. _Semel insanivimus omnes._ I was myself, during
+the late war with Great Britain, chaplain of a regiment, which was
+fortunately never called to active military duty. I mention this
+circumstance with regret rather than pride. Had I been summoned to
+actual warfare, I trust that I might have been strengthened to bear
+myself after the manner of that reverend father in our New England
+Israel, Dr. Benjamin Colman, who, as we are told in Turell's life of
+him, when the vessel in which he had taken passage for England was
+attacked by a French privateer, "fought like a philosopher and a
+Christian, ... and prayed all the while he charged and fired." As this
+note is already long, I shall not here enter upon a discussion of the
+question, whether Christians may lawfully be soldiers. I think it
+sufficiently evident, that, during the first two centuries of the
+Christian era, at least, the two professions were esteemed incompatible.
+Consult Jortin on this head.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. IV.
+
+ REMARKS OF INCREASE D. O'PHACE, ESQUIRE, AT AN EX-TRUMPERY
+   CAUCUS IN STATE STREET, REPORTED BY MR. H. BIGLOW.
+
+
+[The ingenious reader will at once understand that no such speech as the
+following was ever _totidem verbis_ pronounced. But there are simpler
+and less guarded wits, for the satisfying of which such an explanation
+may be needful. For there are certain invisible lines, which as Truth
+successively overpasses, she becomes Untruth to one and another of us,
+as a large river, flowing from one kingdom into another, sometimes takes
+a new name, albeit the waters undergo no change, how small soever. There
+is, moreover, a truth of fiction more veracious than the truth of fact,
+as that of the Poet, which represents to us things and events as they
+ought to be, rather than servilely copies them as they are imperfectly
+imaged in the crooked and smoky glass of our mundane affairs. It is this
+which makes the speech of Antonius, though originally spoken in no wider
+a forum than the brain of Shakspeare, more historically valuable than
+that other which Appian has reported, by as much as the understanding of
+the Englishman was more comprehensive than that of the Alexandrian. Mr.
+Biglow, in the present instance, has only made use of a licence assumed
+by all the historians of antiquity, who put into the mouths of various
+characters such words as seem to them most fitting to the occasion and
+to the speaker. If it be objected that no such oration could ever have
+been delivered, I answer, that there are few assemblages for
+speech-making which do not better deserve the title of _Parliamentum
+Indoctorum_ than did the sixth Parliament of Henry the Fourth, and that
+men still continue to have as much faith in the Oracle of Fools as ever
+Pantagruel had. Howell, in his letters, recounts a merry tale of a
+certain ambassador of Queen Elizabeth, who, having written two letters,
+one to her Majesty and the other to his wife, directed them at
+cross-purposes, so that the Queen was beducked and bedeared and
+requested to send a change of hose, and the wife was beprincessed and
+otherwise unwontedly besuperlatived, till the one feared for the wits of
+her ambassador, the other for those of her husband. In like manner it
+may be presumed that our speaker has misdirected some of his thoughts,
+and given to the whole theatre what he would have wished to confide only
+to a select auditory at the back of the curtain. For it is seldom that
+we can get any frank utterance from men, who address, for the most part,
+a Buncombe either in this world or the next. As for their audiences, it
+may be truly said of our people, that they enjoy one political
+institution in common with the ancient Athenians: I mean a certain
+profitless kind of _ostracism_, wherewith, nevertheless, they seem
+hitherto well enough content. For in Presidential elections, and other
+affairs of the sort, whereas I observe that the _oysters_ fall to the
+lot of comparatively few, the _shells_ (such as the privileges of voting
+as they are told to do by the _ostrivori_ aforesaid, and of huzzaing at
+public meetings) are very liberally distributed among the people, as
+being their prescriptive and quite sufficient portion.
+
+The occasion of the speech is supposed to be Mr. Palfrey's refusal to
+vote for the Whig candidate for the Speakership.--H. W.]
+
+
+    No? Hez he? He haint, though? Wut? Voted agin him?
+    Ef the bird of our country could ketch him, she 'd skin him;
+    I seem 's though I see her, with wrath in each quill,
+    Like a chancery lawyer, afilin' her bill,
+    An' grindin' her talents ez sharp ez all nater,
+    To pounce like a writ on the back o' the traiter.
+    Forgive me, my friends, ef I seem to be het,
+    But a crisis like this must with vigour be met;
+    Wen an Arnold the star-spangled banner bestains,
+    Holl Fourth o' Julys seem to bile in my veins.
+
+    Who ever 'd ha' thought sech a pisonous rig
+    Would be run by a chap thet wuz chose fer a Wig?
+    "We knowed wut his principles wuz 'fore we sent him"?
+    What wuz ther in them from this vote to pervent him?
+    A marciful Providunce fashioned us holler
+    O' purpose thet we might our principles swaller;
+    It can hold any quantity on 'em, the belly can,
+    An' bring 'em up ready fer use like the pelican,
+    Or more like the kangaroo, who (wich is stranger)
+    Puts her family into her pouch wen there 's danger.
+    Aint principle precious? then, who 's goin' to use it
+    Wen there 's risk o' some chaps gittin' up to abuse it?
+    I can't tell the wy on 't, but nothin' is _so_ sure
+    Ez thet principle kind o' gits spiled by exposure;[13]
+    A man thet lets all sorts o' folks git a sight on 't
+    Ough' to hev it all took right away, every mite on 't;
+    Ef he can't keep it all to himself when it 's wise to,
+    He aint one it 's fit to trust nothin' so nice to.
+
+    Besides, ther 's a wonderful power in latitude
+    To shift a man's morril relations an' attitude;
+    Some flossifers think thet a fakkilty 's granted
+    The minnit it 's proved to be thoroughly wanted,
+    Thet a change o' demand makes a change o' condition
+    An' thet everythin' 's nothin' except by position;
+    Ez, fer instance, thet rubber-trees fust begun bearin'
+    Wen p'litickle conshunces come into wearin',--
+    Thet the fears of a monkey, whose holt chanced to fail,
+    Drawed the vertibry out to a prehensile tail;
+    So, wen one 's chose to Congriss, ez soon ez he 's in it,
+    A collar grows right round his neck in a minnit,
+    An' sartin it is thet a man cannot be strict
+    In bein' himself, when he gets to the Deestrict,
+    Fer a coat thet sets wal here in ole Massachusetts,
+    Wen it gits on to Washinton, somehow askew sets.
+
+    Resolves, do you say, o' the Springfield Convention?
+    Thet 's percisely the pint I was goin' to mention;
+    Resolves air a thing we most gen'ally keep ill,
+    They 're a cheap kind o' dust fer the eyes o' the people;
+    A parcel o' delligits jest git together
+    An' chat fer a spell o' the crops an' the weather,
+    Then, comin' to order, they squabble awile
+    An' let off the speeches they 're ferful 'll spile;
+    Then--Resolve,--Thet we wunt hev an inch o' slave territory;
+    That President Polk's holl perceedins air very tory;
+    Thet the war 's a damned war, an' them thet enlist in it
+    Should hev a cravat with a dreffle tight twist in it;
+    Thet the war is a war fer the spreadin' o' slavery;
+    Thet our army desarves our best thanks fer their bravery;
+    Thet we 're the original friends o' the nation,
+    All the rest air a paltry an' base fabrication;
+    Thet we highly respect Messrs. A, B, an' C,
+    An' ez deeply despise Messrs. E, F, an' G.
+    In this way they go to the eend o' the chapter,
+    An' then they bust out in a kind of a raptur
+    About their own vartoo, an' folks's stone-blindness
+    To the men thet 'ould actilly do 'em a kindness,--
+    The American eagle, the Pilgrims thet landed,
+    Till on ole Plymouth Rock they git finally stranded.
+    Wal, the people they listen and say, "Thet 's the ticket!
+    Ez for Mexico, t'aint no glory to lick it,
+    But 't would be a darned shame to go pullin' o' triggers
+    To extend the aree of abusin' the niggers."
+
+    So they march in percessions, an' git up hooraws,
+    An' tramp thru the mud fer the good o' the cause,
+    An' think they 're kind o' fulfillin' the prophecies,
+    Wen they 're on'y jest changin' the holders of offices;
+    Ware A sot afore, B is comf'tably seated,
+    One humbug 's victor'ous, an' t'other defeated.
+    Each honnable doughface gits jest wut he axes,
+    An' the people--their annooal soft sodder an' taxes.
+
+    Now, to keep unimpaired all these glorious feeturs
+    Thet characterize morril an' reasonin' creeturs,
+    Thet give every paytriot all he can cram,
+    Thet oust the untrustworthy Presidunt Flam,
+    An' stick honest Presidunt Sham in his place,
+    To the manifest gain o' the holl human race,
+    An' to some indervidgewals on 't in partickler,
+    Who love Public Opinion an' know how to tickle her,--
+    I say thet a party with great aims like these
+    Must stick jest ez close ez a hive full o' bees.
+
+    I 'm willin' a man should go tollable strong
+    Agin wrong in the abstract, fer that kind o' wrong
+    Is ollers unpop'lar an' never gits pitied,
+    Because it 's a crime no one never committed;
+    But he mus' n't be hard on partickler sins,
+    Coz then he 'll be kickin' the people's own shins;
+    On'y look at the Demmercrats, see wut they 've done
+    Jest simply by stickin' together like fun;
+    They 've sucked us right into a mis'able war
+    Thet no one on airth aint responsible for;
+    They 've run us a hundred cool millions in debt,
+    (An' fer Demmercrat Horners ther 's good plums left yet);
+    They talk agin tayriffs, but act fer a high one,
+    An' so coax all parties to build up their Zion;
+    To the people they 're ollers ez slick ez molasses,
+    An' butter their bread on both sides with The Masses,
+    Half o' whom they 've persuaded, by way of a joke,
+    Thet Washinton's mantelpiece fell upon Polk.
+
+    Now all o' these blessins the Wigs might enjoy,
+    Ef they 'd gumption enough the right means to imploy;[14]
+    Fer the silver spoon born in Dermocracy's mouth
+    Is a kind of a scringe thet they hev to the South;
+    Their masters can cuss 'em an' kick 'em an' wale 'em,
+    An' they notice it less 'an the ass did to Balaam;
+    In this way they screw into second-rate offices
+    Wich the slaveholder thinks 'ould substract too much off his ease;
+    The file-leaders, I mean, du, fer they, by their wiles,
+    Unlike the old viper, grow fat on their files.
+    Wal, the Wigs hev been tryin' to grab all this prey frum 'em
+    An' to hook this nice spoon o' good fortin' away frum 'em,
+    An' they might ha' succeeded, ez likely ez not,
+    In lickin' the Demmercrats all round the lot,
+    Ef it warn't thet, wile all faithful Wigs were their knees on,
+    Some stuffy old codger would holler out,--"Treason!
+    You must keep a sharp eye on a dog thet hez bit you once,
+    An' _I_ aint agoin' to cheat my constitoounts,"--
+    Wen every fool knows thet a man represents
+    Not the fellers thet sent him, but them on the fence,--
+    Impartially ready to jump either side
+    An' make the fust use of a turn o' the tide,--
+    The waiters on Providunce here in the city,
+    Who compose wut they call a State Centerl Committy.
+    Constitoounts air hendy to help a man in,
+    But arterwards don't weigh the heft of a pin.
+    Wy, the people can't all live on Uncle Sam's pus,
+    So they 've nothin' to du with 't fer better or wus;
+    It 's the folks thet air kind o' brought up to depend on 't
+    That hev any consarn in 't, an' thet is the end on 't.
+
+    Now here wuz New England ahevin' the honor
+    Of a chance at the speakership showered upon her;--
+    Do you say,--"She don't want no more Speakers, but fewer;
+    She 's hed plenty o' them, wut she wants is a _doer_"?
+    Fer the matter o' thet, it 's notorous in town
+    Thet her own representatives du her quite brown.
+    But thet 's nothin' to du with it; wut right hed Palfrey
+    To mix himself up with fanatical small fry?
+    Warn't we gettin' on prime with our hot an' cold blowin',
+    Acondemnin' the war wilst we kep' it agoin'?
+    We 'd assumed with gret skill a commandin' position,
+    On this side or thet, no one could n't tell wich one,
+    So, wutever side wipped, we 'd a chance at the plunder
+    An' could sue for infringin' our paytended thunder;
+    We were ready to vote fer whoever wuz eligible,
+    Ef on all pints at issoo he 'd stay unintelligible.
+    Wal, sposin' we hed to gulp down our perfessions,
+    We were ready to come out next mornin' with fresh ones;
+    Besides, ef we did, 't was our business alone,
+    Fer could n't we du wut we would with our own?
+    An' ef a man can, wen pervisions hev riz so,
+    Eat up his own words, it 's a marcy it is so.
+
+    Wy, these chaps from the North, with back-bones to 'em, darn 'em,
+    'Ould be wuth more 'an Gennle Tom Thumb is to Barnum;
+    Ther 's enough thet to office on this very plan grow,
+    By exhibitin' how very small a man can grow;
+    But an M. C. frum here ollers hastens to state he
+    Belongs to the order called invertebraty,
+    Wence some gret filologists judge primy fashy
+    Thet M. C. is M. T. by paronomashy;
+    An' these few exceptions air _loosus naytury_
+    Folks 'ould put down their quarters to stare at, like fury.
+
+    It 's no use to open the door o' success,
+    Ef a member can bolt so fer nothin' or less;
+    Wy, all o' them grand constitootional pillers
+    Our four fathers fetched with 'em over the billers,
+    Them pillers the people so soundly hev slept on,
+    Wile to slav'ry, invasion, an' debt they were swept on,
+    Wile our Destiny higher an' higher kep' mountin'
+    (Though I guess folks 'll stare wen she hends her account in),
+    Ef members in this way go kickin' agin 'em,
+    They wunt hev so much ez a feather left in 'em.
+
+    An', ez fer this Palfrey,[15] we thought wen we 'd gut him in,
+    He 'd go kindly in wutever harness we put him in;
+    Supposin' we _did_ know thet he wuz a peace man?
+    Does he think he can be Uncle Samwell's policeman,
+    An' wen Sam gits tipsy an' kicks up a riot,
+    Lead him off to the lockup to snooze till he 's quiet?
+    Wy, the war is a war thet true paytriots can bear, ef
+    It leads to the fat promised land of a tayriff;
+    _We_ don't go an' fight it, nor aint to be driv on,
+    Nor Demmercrats nuther, thet hev wut to live on;
+    Ef it aint jest the thing thet 's well pleasin' to God,
+    It makes us thought highly on elsewhere abroad;
+    The Rooshian black eagle looks blue in his eerie
+    An' shakes both his heads wen he hears o' Monteery;
+    Wile in the Tower Victory sets, all of a fluster,
+    An' reads, with locked doors, how we won Cherry Buster;
+    An' old Philip Lewis--thet come an' kep' school here
+    Fer the mere sake o' scorin' his ryalist ruler
+    On the tenderest part of our kings _in futuro_--
+    Hides his crown underneath an old shut in his bureau
+    Breaks off in his brags to a suckle o' merry kings,
+    How he often hed hided young native Amerrikins,
+    An', turnin' quite faint in the midst of his fooleries,
+    Sneaks down stairs to bolt the front door o' the Tooleries.[16]
+
+    You say,--"We 'd ha' scared 'em by growin' in peace,
+    A plaguy sight more then by bobberies like these"?
+    Who is it dares say thet "our naytional eagle
+    Wun't much longer be classed with the birds thet air regal,
+    Coz theirn be hooked beaks, an' she, arter this slaughter,
+    'll bring back a bill ten times longer 'n she ough' to"?
+    Wut 's your name? Come, I see ye, you up-country feller,
+    You 've put me out severil times with your beller;
+    Out with it! Wut? Biglow? I say nothin' furder,
+    Thet feller would like nothin' better 'n a murder;
+    He 's a traiter, blasphemer, an' wut ruther worse is,
+    He put all his ath'ism in dreffle bad verses;
+    Socity aint safe till sech monsters air out on it,
+    Refer to the Post, ef you hev the least doubt on it;
+    Wy, he goes agin war, agin indirect taxes,
+    Agin sellin' wild lands 'cept to settlers with axes,
+    Agin holdin' o' slaves, though he knows it 's the corner
+    Our libbaty rests on, the mis'able scorner!
+    In short, he would wholly upset with his ravages
+    All thet keeps us above the brute critters an' savages,
+    An' pitch into all kinds o' briles an' confusions
+    The holl of our civilized, free institutions;
+    He writes fer thet rather unsafe print, the Courier,
+    An' likely ez not hez a squintin' to Foorier;
+    I 'll be ----, thet is, I mean I 'll be blest,
+    Ef I hark to a word frum so noted a pest;
+    I shan't talk with _him_, my religion 's too fervent.--
+    Good mornin', my friends, I 'm your most humble servant.
+
+
+[Into the question, whether the ability to express ourselves in
+articulate language has been productive of more good or evil, I shall
+not here enter at large. The two faculties of speech and of
+speech-making are wholly diverse in their natures. By the first we make
+ourselves intelligible, by the last unintelligible, to our fellows. It
+has not seldom occurred to me (noting how in our national legislature
+everything runs to talk, as lettuces, if the season or the soil be
+unpropitious, shoot up lankly to seed, instead of forming handsome
+heads) that Babel was the first Congress, the earliest mill erected for
+the manufacture of gabble. In these days, what with Town Meetings,
+School Committees, Boards (lumber) of one kind and another, Congresses,
+Parliaments, Diets, Indian Councils, Palavers, and the like, there is
+scarce a village which has not its factories of this description driven
+by (milk-and-) water power. I cannot conceive the confusion of tongues
+to have been the curse of Babel, since I esteem my ignorance of other
+languages as a kind of Martello-tower, in which I am safe from the
+furious bombardments of foreign garrulity. For this reason I have ever
+preferred the study of the dead languages, those primitive formations
+being Ararats upon whose silent peaks I sit secure and watch this new
+deluge without fear, though it rain figures (_simulacra_, semblances) of
+speech forty days and nights together, as it not uncommonly happens.
+Thus is my coat, as it were, without buttons by which any but a
+vernacular wild bore can seize me. Is it not possible that the Shakers
+may intend to convey a quiet reproof and hint, in fastening their outer
+garments with hooks and eyes?
+
+This reflection concerning Babel, which I find in no Commentary, was
+first thrown upon my mind when an excellent deacon of my congregation
+(being infected with the Second Advent delusion) assured me that he had
+received a first instalment of the gift of tongues as a small earnest of
+larger possessions in the like kind to follow. For, of a truth, I could
+not reconcile it with my ideas of the Divine justice and mercy that the
+single wall which protected people of other languages from the
+incursions of this otherwise well-meaning propagandist should be broken
+down.
+
+In reading Congressional debates, I have fancied, that, after the
+subsidence of those painful buzzings in the brain which result from such
+exercises, I detected a slender residuum of valuable information. I made
+the discovery that _nothing_ takes longer in the saying than anything
+else, for, as _ex nihilo nihil fit_, so from one polypus _nothing_ any
+number of similar ones may be produced. I would recommend to the
+attention of _vivâ voce_ debaters and controversialists the admirable
+example of the monk Copres, who, in the fourth century, stood for half
+an hour in the midst of a great fire, and thereby silenced a Manichæan
+antagonist who had less of the salamander in him. As for those who
+quarrel in print, I have no concern with them here, since the eyelids
+are a Divinely-granted shield against all such. Moreover, I have
+observed in many modern books that the printed portion is becoming
+gradually smaller, and the number of blank or fly-leaves (as they are
+called) greater. Should this fortunate tendency of literature continue,
+books will grow more valuable from year to year, and the whole Serbonian
+bog yield to the advances of firm arable land.
+
+I have wondered, in the Representatives' Chamber of our own
+Commonwealth, to mark how little impression seemed to be produced by
+that emblematic fish suspended over the heads of the members. Our wiser
+ancestors, no doubt, hung it there as being the animal which the
+Pythagoreans reverenced for its silence, and which certainly in that
+particular does not so well merit the epithet _cold-blooded_, by which
+naturalists distinguish it, as certain bipeds, afflicted with
+ditch-water on the brain, who take occasion to tap themselves in Fanueil
+Halls, meeting-houses, and other places of public resort.--H. W.]
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[13] The speaker is of a different mind from Tully, who, in his recently
+discovered tractate _De Republicâ_, tells us,--_Nec vero habere virtutem
+satis est, quasi artem aliquam, nisi utare_, and from our Milton, who
+says,--"I cannot praise a fugitive and cloistered virtue, unexercised
+and unbreathed, that never sallies out and sees her adversary, but
+slinks out of the race where that immortal garland is to be run for,
+_not without dust and heat_."--_Areop._ He had taken the words out of
+the Roman's mouth, without knowing it, and might well exclaim with
+Austin (if saint's name may stand sponsor for a curse). _Pereant qui
+ante nos nostra dixerint!_--H. W.
+
+[14] That was a pithy saying of Persius, and fits our politicians
+without a wrinkle,--_Magister artis, ingeniique largitor venter._--H. W.
+
+[15] There is truth yet in this of Juvenal,--
+
+    "Dat veniam corvis, vexat censura columbas."
+
+[16] Jortin is willing to allow of other miracles besides those recorded
+in Holy Writ, and why not of other prophecies? It is granting too much
+to Satan to suppose him, as divers of the learned have done, the
+inspirer of the ancient oracles. Wiser, I esteem it, to give chance the
+credit of the successful ones. What is said here of Louis Philippe was
+verified in some of its minute particulars within a few months' time.
+Enough to have made the fortune of Delphi or Ammon, and no thanks to
+Beelzebub neither! That of Seneca in Medea will suit here:--
+
+          "Rapida fortuna ac levis,
+    Præcepsque regno eripuit, exsilio dedit."
+
+Let us allow, even to richly deserved misfortune, our commiseration, and
+be not overhasty meanwhile in our censure of the French people, left for
+the first time to govern themselves, remembering that wise sentence of
+Æschylus,--
+
+    Ἅπας δὲ τραχὺς ὅστις ἂν νέον κρατῇ.                      H. W.
+
+
+
+
+No. V.
+
+THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT
+
+ SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME.
+
+
+[The incident which gave rise to the debate satirized in the following
+verses was the unsuccessful attempt of Drayton and Sayres to give
+freedom to seventy men and women, fellow-beings and fellow-Christians.
+Had Tripoli, instead of Washington, been the scene of this undertaking,
+the unhappy leaders in it would have been as secure of the theoretic as
+they now are of the practical part of martyrdom. I question whether the
+Dey of Tripoli is blessed with a District Attorney so benighted as ours
+at the seat of government. Very fitly is he named Key, who would allow
+himself to be made the instrument of locking the door of hope against
+sufferers in such a cause. Not all the waters of the ocean can cleanse
+the vile smutch of the jailer's fingers from off that little Key.
+_Ahenea clavis_, a brazen Key indeed!
+
+Mr. Calhoun, who is made the chief speaker in this burlesque, seems to
+think that the light of the nineteenth century is to be put out as soon
+as he tinkles his little cow-bell curfew. Whenever slavery is touched,
+he sets up his scarecrow of dissolving the Union. This may do for the
+North, but I should conjecture that something more than a
+pumpkin-lantern is required to scare manifest and irretrievable Destiny
+out of her path. Mr. Calhoun cannot let go the apron-string of the Past.
+The Past is a good nurse, but we must be weaned from her sooner or
+later, even though, like Plotinus, we should run home from school to ask
+the breast, after we are tolerably well-grown youths. It will not do for
+us to hide our faces in her lap, whenever the strange Future holds out
+her arms and asks us to come to her.
+
+But we are all alike. We have all heard it said, often enough, that
+little boys must not play with fire; and yet, if the matches be taken
+away from us and put out of reach upon the shelf, we must needs get into
+our little corner, and scowl and stamp and threaten the dire revenge of
+going to bed without our supper. The world shall stop till we get our
+dangerous plaything again. Dame Earth, meanwhile, who has more than
+enough household matters to mind, goes bustling hither and thither as a
+hiss or a sputter tells her that this or that kettle of hers is boiling
+over, and before bedtime we are glad to eat our porridge cold, and gulp
+down our dignity along with it.
+
+Mr. Calhoun has somehow acquired the name of a great statesman, and, if
+it be great statesmanship to put lance in rest and run a tilt at the
+Spirit of the Age with the certainty of being next moment hurled neck
+and heels into the dust amid universal laughter, he deserves the title.
+He is the Sir Kay of our modern chivalry. He should remember the old
+Scandinavian mythus. Thor was the strongest of gods, but he could not
+wrestle with Time, nor so much as lift up a fold of the great snake
+which knit the universe together; and when he smote the Earth, though
+with his terrible mallet, it was but as if a leaf had fallen. Yet all
+the while it seemed to Thor that he had only been wrestling with an old
+woman, striving to lift a cat, and striking a stupid giant on the head.
+
+And in old times, doubtless, the giants _were_ stupid, and there was no
+better sport for the Sir Launcelots and Sir Gawains than to go about
+cutting off their great blundering heads with enchanted swords. But
+things have wonderfully changed. It is the giants, now-a-days, that have
+the science and the intelligence, while the chivalrous Don Quixotes of
+Conservatism still cumber themselves with the clumsy armour of a by-gone
+age. On whirls the restless globe through unsounded time, with its
+cities and its silences, its births and funerals, half light, half
+shade, but never wholly dark, and sure to swing round into the happy
+morning at last. With an involuntary smile, one sees Mr. Calhoun letting
+slip his pack-thread cable with a crooked pin at the end of it to anchor
+South Carolina upon the bank and shoal of the Past.--H. W.]
+
+
+TO MR. BUCKENAM.
+
+MR. EDITER, As i wuz kinder prunin round, in a little nussry sot out a
+year or 2 a go, the Dbait in the sennit cum inter my mine An so i took &
+Sot it to wut I call a nussry rime. I hev made sum onnable Gentlemun
+speak that dident speak in a Kind uv Poetikul lie sense the seeson is
+dreffle backerd up This way
+
+                                         ewers as ushul
+
+                                                     HOSEA BIGLOW.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "Here we stan' on the Constitution, by thunder!
+      It 's a fact o' wich ther 's bushils o' proofs;
+    Fer how could we trample on 't so, I wonder,
+      Ef't worn't thet it 's oilers under our hoofs?"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;
+            "Human rights haint no more
+            Right to come on this floor,
+        No more 'n the man in the moon," sez he.
+
+    "The North haint no kind o' bisness with nothin',
+      An' you 've no idee how much bother it saves;
+    We aint none riled by their frettin' an' frothin',
+      We 're _used_ to layin' the string on our slaves,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Mister Foote,
+            "I should like to shoot
+        The holl gang, by the gret horn spoon!" sez he.
+
+    "Freedom's Keystone is Slavery, thet ther 's no doubt on,
+      It 's sutthin' thet 's--wha' d' ye call it?--divine,--
+    An' the slaves thet we ollers _make_ the most out on
+      Air them north o' Mason an' Dixon's line,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Fer all thet," sez Mangum,
+            "'T would be better to hang 'em,
+        An' so git red on 'em soon," sez he.
+
+    "The mass ough' to labour an' we lay on soffies,
+      Thet 's the reason I want to spread Freedom's aree;
+    It puts all the cunninest on us in office,
+      An' reelises our Maker's orig'nal idee,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Thet 's ez plain," sez Cass,
+            "Ez thet some one 's an ass,
+        It 's ez clear ez the sun is at noon," sez he.
+
+    "Now don't go to say I 'm the friend of oppression,
+      But keep all your spare breath fer coolin' your broth,
+    Fer I ollers hev strove (at least thet 's my impression)
+      To make cussed free with the rights o' the North,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Yes," sez Davis o' Miss.,
+            "The perfection o' bliss
+        Is in skinnin' thet same old coon," sez he.
+
+    "Slavery 's a thing thet depends on complexion,
+      It 's God's law thet fetters on black skins don't chafe;
+    Ef brains wuz to settle it (horrid reflection!)
+      Wich of our onnable body 'd be safe?"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Mister Hannegan,
+            Afore he began agin,
+        "Thet exception is quite oppertoon," sez he.
+
+    "Gen'nle Cass, Sir, you need n't be twitchin' your collar,
+      _Your_ merit 's quite clear by the dut on your knees,
+    At the North we don't make no distinctions o' colour;
+      You can all take a lick at our shoes wen you please,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Mister Jarnagin,
+            "They wunt hev to larn agin,
+        They all on 'em know the old toon," sez he.
+
+    "The slavery question aint no ways bewilderin'.
+      North an' South hev one int'rest, it 's plain to a glance;
+    No'thern men, like us patriarchs, don't sell their childrin,
+      But they _du_ sell themselves, ef they git a good chance,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Atherton here,
+            "This is gittin' severe,
+        I wish I could dive like a loon," sez he.
+
+    "It 'll break up the Union, this talk about freedom,
+      An' your fact'ry gals (soon ez we split) 'll make head,
+    An' gittin' some Miss chief or other to lead 'em,
+      'll go to work raisin' promiscoous Ned,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Yes, the North," sez Colquitt,
+            "Ef we Southerners all quit,
+        Would go down like a busted balloon," sez he.
+
+    "Jest look wut is doin', wut annyky 's brewin'
+      In the beautiful clime o' the olive an' vine,
+    All the wise aristoxy is tumblin' to ruin,
+      An' the sankylots drorin' an' drinkin' their wine,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Yes," sez Johnson, "in France
+            They 're beginnin' to dance
+        Beelzebub's own rigadoon," sez he.
+
+    "The South 's safe enough, it don't feel a mite skeery,
+      Our slaves in their darkness an' dut air tu blest
+    Not to welcome with proud hallylugers the ery
+      Wen our eagle kicks yourn from the naytional nest,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "O," sez Westcott o' Florida,
+            "Wut treason is horrider
+        Then our priv'leges tryin' to proon?" sez he.
+
+    "It 's 'coz they 're so happy, thet, wen crazy sarpints
+      Stick their nose in our bizness, we git so darned riled;
+    We think it 's our dooty to give pooty sharp hints,
+      Thet the last crumb of Edin on airth shan't be spiled,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Ah," sez Dixon H. Lewis,
+            "It perfectly true is
+        Thet slavery 's airth's grettest boon," sez he.
+
+
+[It was said of old time, that riches have wings; and, though this be
+not applicable in a literal strictness to the wealth of our patriarchal
+brethren of the South, yet it is clear that their possessions have legs,
+and an unaccountable propensity for using them in a northerly direction.
+I marvel that the grand jury of Washington did not find a true bill
+against the North Star for aiding and abetting Drayton and Sayres. It
+would have been quite of a piece with the intelligence displayed by the
+South on other questions connected with slavery. I think that no ship of
+state was ever freighted with a more veritable Jonah than this same
+domestic institution of ours. Mephistopheles himself could not feign so
+bitterly, so satirically sad a sight as this of three millions of human
+beings crushed beyond help or hope by this one mighty argument,--_Our
+fathers knew no better!_ Nevertheless, it is the unavoidable destiny of
+Jonahs to be cast overboard sooner or later. Or shall we try the
+experiment of hiding our Jonah in a safe place, that none may lay hands
+on him to make jetsam of him? Let us, then, with equal forethought and
+wisdom, lash ourselves to the anchor, and await, in pious confidence,
+the certain result. Perhaps our suspicious passenger is no Jonah after
+all, being black. For it is well known that a superintending Providence
+made a kind of sandwich of Ham and his descendants, to be devoured by
+the Caucasian race.
+
+In God's name, let all, who hear nearer and nearer the hungry moan of
+the storm and the growl of the breakers, speak out! But, alas! we have
+no right to interfere. If a man pluck an apple of mine, he shall be in
+danger of the justice; but if he steal my brother, I must be silent. Who
+says this? Our Constitution, consecrated by the callous suetude of sixty
+years, and grasped in triumphant argument in the left hand of him whose
+right hand clutches the clotted slave-whip. Justice, venerable with the
+undethronable majesty of countless æons, says,--SPEAK! The Past, wise
+with the sorrows and desolations of ages, from amid her shattered fanes
+and wolf-housing palaces, echoes,--SPEAK! Nature, through her thousand
+trumpets of freedom, her stars, her sunrises, her seas, her winds, her
+cataracts, her mountains blue with cloudy pines, blows jubilant
+encouragement, and cries,--SPEAK! From the soul's trembling abysses the
+still, small voice not vaguely murmurs,--SPEAK! But, alas! the
+Constitution and the Honourable Mr. Bagowind, M.C., say,--BE DUMB!
+
+It occurs to me to suggest, as a topic of inquiry in this connexion,
+whether, on that momentous occasion when the goats and the sheep shall
+be parted, the Constitution and the Honourable Mr. Bagowind, M.C., will
+be expected to take their places on the left as our hircine vicars.
+
+    _Quia sum miser tunc dicturus?
+    Quem patronum rogaturus?_
+
+There is a point where toleration sinks into sheer baseness and
+poltroonery. The toleration of the worst leads us to look on what is
+barely better as good enough, and to worship what is only moderately
+good. Woe to that man, or that nation, to whom mediocrity has become an
+ideal!
+
+Has our experiment of self-government succeeded, if it barely manage to
+_rub and go_? Here, now, is a piece of barbarism which Christ and the
+nineteenth century say shall cease, and which Messrs. Smith, Brown, and
+others say shall _not_ cease. I would by no means deny the eminent
+respectability of these gentlemen, but I confess, that, in such a
+wrestling-match, I cannot help having my fears for them.
+
+    _Discite justitiam, moniti, et non temnere divos._
+
+                                                            H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. VI.
+
+THE PIOUS EDITOR'S CREED.
+
+
+[At the special instance of Mr. Biglow, I preface the following satire
+with an extract from a sermon preached during the past summer, from
+Ezekiel xxxiv. 2:--"Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of
+Israel." Since the Sabbath on which this discourse was delivered, the
+editor of the "Jaalam Independent Blunderbuss" has unaccountably
+absented himself from our house of worship.
+
+"I know of no so responsible position as that of the public journalist.
+The editor of our day bears the same relation to his time that the clerk
+bore to the age before the invention of printing. Indeed, the position
+which he holds is that which the clergyman should hold even now. But the
+clergyman chooses to walk off to the extreme edge of the world, and to
+throw such seed as he has clear over into that darkness which he calls
+the Next Life. As if _next_ did not mean _nearest_, and as if any life
+were nearer than that immediately present one which boils and eddies all
+around him at the caucus, the ratification meeting, and the polls! Who
+taught him to exhort men to prepare for eternity, as for some future era
+of which the present forms no integral part? The furrow which Time is
+even now turning runs through the Everlasting, and in that must he plant
+or nowhere. Yet he would fain believe and teach that we are _going_ to
+have more of eternity than we have now. This _going_ of his is like that
+of the auctioneer, on which _gone_ follows before we have made up our
+minds to bid,--in which manner, not three months back, I lost an
+excellent copy of Chappelow on Job. So it has come to pass that the
+preacher, instead of being a living force, has faded into an emblematic
+figure at christenings, weddings, and funerals. Or, if he exercise any
+other function, it is as keeper and feeder of certain theologic dogmas,
+which, when occasion offers, he unkennels with a _staboy!_ 'to bark and
+bite as 'tis their nature to,' whence that reproach of _odium
+theologicum_ has arisen.
+
+"Meanwhile, see what a pulpit the editor mounts daily, sometimes with a
+congregation of fifty thousand within reach of his voice, and never so
+much as a nodder, even, among them! And from what a Bible can he choose
+his text,--a Bible which needs no translation, and which no priestcraft
+can shut and clasp from the laity,--the open volume of the world, upon
+which, with a pen of sunshine or destroying fire, the inspired Present
+is even now writing the annals of God! Methinks the editor who should
+understand his calling, and be equal thereto, would truly deserve that
+title of ποιμην λαῶν, which Homer bestows upon princes. He would be
+the Moses of our nineteenth century; and whereas the old Sinai, silent
+now, is but a common mountain, stared at by the elegant tourist and
+crawled over by the hammering geologist, he must find his tables of the
+new law here among factories and cities in this Wilderness of Sin
+(Numbers xxxiii. 12) called Progress of Civilization, and be the captain
+of our Exodus into the Canaan of a truer social order.
+
+"Nevertheless, our editor will not come so far within even the shadow of
+Sinai as Mahomet did, but chooses rather to construe Moses by Joe Smith.
+He takes up the crook, not that the sheep may be fed, but that he may
+never want a warm woollen suit and a joint of mutton.
+
+    _Immemor, O, fidei, pecorumque oblite tuorum!_
+
+For which reason I would derive the name _editor_ not so much from
+_edo_, to publish, as from _edo_, to eat, that being the peculiar
+profession to which he esteems himself called. He blows up the flames of
+political discord for no other occasion than that he may thereby handily
+boil his own pot. I believe there are two thousand of these
+mutton-loving shepherds in the United States; and of these, how many
+have even the dimmest perception of their immense power, and the duties
+consequent thereon? Here and there, haply, one. Nine hundred and
+ninety-nine labour to impress upon the people the great principles of
+_Tweedledum_, and other nine hundred and ninety-nine preach with equal
+earnestness the gospel according to _Tweedledee_."--H. W.]
+
+
+    I du believe in Freedom's cause,
+      Ez fur away ez Paris is;
+    I love to see her stick her claws
+      In them infarnal Pharisees;
+    It 's wal enough agin a king
+      To dror resolves an' triggers,--
+    But libbaty 's a kind o' thing
+      Thet don't agree with niggers.
+
+    I du believe the people want
+      A tax on teas an' coffees,
+    Thet nothin' aint extravygunt,--
+      Purvidin' I 'm in office;
+    Fer I hev loved my country sence
+      My eye-teeth filled their sockets,
+    An' Uncle Sam I reverence,
+      Partic'larly his pockets.
+
+    I du believe in _any_ plan
+      O' levyin' the taxes,
+    Ez long ez, like a lumberman,
+      I git jest wut I axes:
+    I go free-trade thru thick an' thin,
+      Because it kind o' rouses
+    The folks to vote,--an' keeps us in
+      Our quiet custom-houses.
+
+    I du believe it 's wise an' good
+      To sen' out furrin missions,
+    Thet is, on sartin understood
+      An' orthydox conditions;--
+    I mean nine thousan' dolls. per ann.,
+      Nine thousan' more fer outfit,
+    An' me to recommend a man
+      The place 'ould jest about fit.
+
+    I du believe in special ways
+      O' prayin' an' convartin';
+    The bread comes back in many days,
+      An' buttered, tu, fer sartin;--
+    I mean in preyin' till one busts
+      On wut the party chooses,
+    An' in convartin' public trusts
+      To very privit uses.
+
+    I du believe hard coin the stuff
+      Fer 'lectioneers to spout on;
+    The people 's ollers soft enough
+      To make hard money out on;
+    Dear Uncle Sam pervides fer his,
+      An' gives a good-sized junk to all,--
+    I don't care _how_ hard money is,
+      Ez long ez mine 's paid punctooal.
+
+    I du believe with all my soul
+      In the gret Press's freedom,
+    To pint the people to the goal
+      An' in the traces lead 'em;
+    Palsied the arm thet forges yokes
+      At my fat contracts squintin',
+    An' withered be the nose thet pokes
+      Inter the gov'ment printin'!
+
+    I du believe thet I should give
+      Wut 's his'n unto Cæsar,
+    Fer it 's by him I move an' live,
+      From him my bread an' cheese air;
+    I du believe thet all o' me
+      Doth bear his souperscription,--
+    Will, conscience, honour, honesty,
+      An' things o' thet description.
+
+    I du believe in prayer an' praise
+      To him thet hez the grantin'
+    O' jobs,--in every thin' thet pays,
+      But most of all in CANTIN';
+    This doth my cup with marcies fill,
+      This lays all thought o' sin to rest,--
+    I _don't_ believe in princerple,
+      But, O, I _du_ in interest.
+
+    I du believe in bein' this
+      Or thet, ez it may happen
+    One way or t'other hendiest is
+      To ketch the people nappin';
+    It aint by princerples nor men
+      My preudunt course is steadied,--
+    I scent wich pays the best, an' then
+      Go into it baldheaded.
+
+    I du believe thet holdin' slaves
+      Comes nat'ral tu a Presidunt,
+    Let 'lone the rowdedow it saves
+      To hev a wal-broke precedunt;
+    Fer any office, small or gret,
+      I could n't ax with no face,
+    Without I 'd ben, thru dry an' wet,
+      Th' unrizzest kind o' doughface.
+
+    I du believe wutever trash
+      'll keep the people in blindness,--
+    Thet we the Mexicuns can thrash
+      Right inter brotherly kindness,
+    Thet bombshells, grape, an' powder 'n' ball
+      Air good-will's strongest magnets,
+    Thet peace, to make it stick at all,
+      Must be druv in with bagnets.
+
+    In short, I firmly du believe
+      In Humbug generally,
+    Fer it 's a thing thet I perceive
+      To hev a solid vally;
+    This heth my faithful shepherd ben,
+      In pasturs sweet heth led me,
+    An' this 'll keep the people green
+      To feed ez they hev fed me.
+
+
+[I subjoin here another passage from my before-mentioned discourse.
+
+"Wonderful, to him that has eyes to see it rightly, is the newspaper. To
+me, for example, sitting on the critical front bench of the pit, in my
+study here in Jaalam, the advent of my weekly journal is as that of a
+strolling theatre, or rather of a puppet-show, on whose stage, narrow as
+it is, the tragedy, comedy, and farce of life are played in little.
+Behold the whole huge earth sent to me hebdomadally in a brown-paper
+wrapper!
+
+"Hither, to my obscure corner, by wind or steam, on horse-back or
+dromedary-back, in the pouch of the Indian runner, or clicking over the
+magnetic wires, troop all the famous performers from the four quarters
+of the globe. Looked at from a point of criticism, tiny puppets they
+seem all, as the editor sets up his booth upon my desk and officiates as
+showman. Now I can truly see how little and transitory is life. The
+earth appears almost as a drop of vinegar, on which the solar microscope
+of the imagination must be brought to bear in order to make out any
+thing distinctly. That animalcule there, in the pea-jacket, is Louis
+Philippe, just landed on the coast of England. That other, in the grey
+surtout and cocked hat, is Napoleon Bonaparte Smith, assuring France
+that she need apprehend no interference from him in the present alarming
+juncture. At that spot, where you seem to see a speck of something in
+motion, is an immense mass-meeting. Look sharper, and you will see a
+mite brandishing his mandibles in an excited manner. That is the great
+Mr. Soandso, defining his position amid tumultuous and irrepressible
+cheers. That infinitesimal creature, upon whom some score of others, as
+minute as he, are gazing in open-mouthed admiration, is a famous
+philosopher, expounding to a select audience their capacity for the
+Infinite. That scarce discernible pufflet of smoke and dust is a
+revolution. That speck there is a reformer, just arranging the lever
+with which he is to move the world. And lo, there creeps forward the
+shadow of a skeleton that blows one breath between its grinning teeth,
+and all our distinguished actors are whisked off the slippery stage into
+the dark Beyond.
+
+"Yes, the little show-box has its solemner suggestions. Now and then we
+catch a glimpse of a grim old man, who lays down a scythe and
+hour-glass in the corner while he shifts the scenes. There, too, in the
+dim background, a weird shape is ever delving. Sometimes he leans upon
+his mattock, and gazes, as a coach whirls by, bearing the newly married
+on their wedding jaunt, or glances carelessly at a babe brought home
+from christening. Suddenly (for the scene grows larger and larger as we
+look) a bony hand snatches back a performer in the midst of his part,
+and him, whom yesterday two infinities (past and future) would not
+suffice, a handful of dust is enough to cover and silence for ever. Nay,
+we see the same fleshless fingers opening to clutch the showman himself,
+and guess, not without a shudder, that they are lying in wait for
+spectator also.
+
+"Think of it: for three dollars a year I buy a season-ticket to this
+great Globe Theatre, for which God would write the dramas (only that we
+like farces, spectacles, and the tragedies of Apollyon better), whose
+scene-shifter is Time, and whose curtain is rung down by Death.
+
+"Such thoughts will occur to me sometimes as I am tearing off the
+wrapper of my newspaper. Then suddenly that otherwise too often vacant
+sheet becomes invested for me with a strange kind of awe. Look! deaths
+and marriages, notices of inventions, discoveries, and books, lists of
+promotions, of killed, wounded, and missing, news of fires, accidents,
+of sudden wealth and as sudden poverty;--I hold in my hand the ends of
+myriad invisible electric conductors, along which tremble the joys,
+sorrows, wrongs, triumphs, hopes, and despairs of as many men and women
+everywhere. So that upon that mood of mind which seems to isolate me
+from mankind as a spectator of their puppet-pranks, another supervenes,
+in which I feel that I, too, unknown and unheard of, am yet of some
+import to my fellows. For, through my newspaper here, do not families
+take pains to send me, an entire stranger, news of a death among them?
+Are not here two who would have me know of their marriage? And strangest
+of all, is not this singular person anxious to have me informed that he
+has received a fresh supply of Dimitry Bruisgins? But to none of us does
+the Present (even if for a moment discerned as such) continue
+miraculous. We glance carelessly at the sunrise, and get used to Orion
+and the Pleiades. The wonder wears off, and to-morrow this sheet, in
+which a vision was let down to me from Heaven, shall be the wrappage to
+a bar of soap or the platter for a beggar's broken victuals."--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. VII.
+
+A LETTER
+
+ FROM A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN ANSWER TO SUTTIN
+   QUESTIONS PROPOSED BY MR. HOSEA BIGLOW, INCLOSED IN
+   A NOTE FROM MR. BIGLOW TO S. H. GAY, ESQ., EDITOR OF
+   THE NATIONAL ANTISLAVERY STANDARD.
+
+
+[Curiosity may be said to be the quality which pre-eminently
+distinguishes and segregates man from the lower animals. As we trace the
+scale of animated nature downward, we find this faculty of the mind (as
+it may truly be called) diminished in the savage, and quite extinct in
+the brute. The first object which civilized man proposes to himself I
+take to be the finding out whatsoever he can concerning his neighbours.
+_Nihil humanum a me alienum puto_; I am curious about even John Smith.
+The desire next in strength to this (an opposite pole, indeed, of the
+same magnet) is that of communicating intelligence.
+
+Men in general may be divided into the inquisitive and the
+communicative. To the first class belong Peeping Toms, eaves-droppers,
+navel-contemplating Brahmins, metaphysicians, travellers, Empedocleses,
+spies, the various societies for promoting Rhinothism, Columbuses,
+Yankees, discoverers, and men of science, who present themselves to the
+mind as so many marks of interrogation wandering up and down the world,
+or sitting in studies and laboratories. The second class I should again
+subdivide into four. In the first subdivision I would rank those who
+have an itch to tell us about themselves,--as keepers of diaries,
+insignificant persons generally, Montaignes, Horace Walpoles,
+autobiographers, poets. The second includes those who are anxious to
+impart information concerning other people,--as historians, barbers, and
+such. To the third belong those who labour to give us intelligence about
+nothing at all,--as novelists, political orators, the large majority of
+authors, preachers, lecturers, and the like. In the fourth come those
+who are communicative from motives of public benevolence,--as finders of
+mares'-nests and bringers of ill news. Each of us two-legged fowls
+without feathers embraces all these subdivisions in himself to a greater
+or less degree, for none of us so much as lays an egg, or incubates a
+chalk one, but straightway the whole barn-yard shall know it by our
+cackle or our cluck. _Omnibus hoc vitium est._ There are different
+grades in all these classes. One will turn his telescope toward a
+back-yard, another toward Uranus; one will tell you that he dined with
+Smith, another that he supped with Plato. In one particular, all men may
+be considered as belonging to the first grand division, inasmuch as they
+all seem equally desirous of discovering the mote in their neighbour's
+eye.
+
+To one or another of these species every human being may safely be
+referred. I think it beyond a peradventure that Jonah prosecuted some
+inquiries into the digestive apparatus of whales, and that Noah sealed
+up a letter in an empty bottle, that news in regard to him might not be
+wanting in case of the worst. They had else been super or subter human.
+I conceive, also, that, as there are certain persons who continually
+peep and pry at the key-hole of that mysterious door through which,
+sooner or later, we all make our exits, so there are doubtless ghosts
+fidgeting and fretting on the other side of it, because they have no
+means of conveying back to the world the scraps of news they have picked
+up. For there is an answer ready somewhere to every question, the great
+law of _give and take_ runs through all nature, and if we see a hook, we
+may be sure that an eye is waiting for it. I read in every face I meet a
+standing advertisement of information wanted in regard to A. B., or that
+the friends of C. D. can hear of him by application to such a one.
+
+It was to gratify the two great passions of asking and answering, that
+epistolary correspondence was first invented. Letters (for by this
+usurped title epistles are now commonly known) are of several kinds.
+First, there are those which are not letters at all,--as letters patent,
+letters dimissory, letters inclosing bills, letters of administration,
+Pliny's letters, letters of diplomacy, of Cato, of Mentor, of Lords
+Lyttelton, Chesterfield, and Orrery, of Jacob Behmen, Seneca (whom St.
+Jerome includes in his list of sacred writers), letters from abroad,
+from sons in college to their fathers, letters of marque, and letters
+generally, which are in no wise letters of mark. Second, are real
+letters, such as those of Gray, Cowper, Walpole, Howel, Lamb, the first
+letters from children (printed in staggering capitals), Letters from New
+York, letters of credit, and others, interesting for the sake of the
+writer or the thing written. I have read also letters from Europe by a
+gentleman named Pinto, containing some curious gossip, and which I hope
+to see collected for the benefit of the curious. There are, besides,
+letters addressed to posterity,--as epitaphs, for example, written for
+their own monuments by monarchs, whereby we have lately become possessed
+of the names of several great conquerors and kings of kings, hitherto
+unheard of and still unpronounceable, but valuable to the student of the
+entirely dark ages. The letter which St. Peter sent to King Pepin in the
+year of grace 755 I would place in a class by itself, as also the
+letters of candidates, concerning which I shall dilate more fully in a
+note at the end of the following poem. At present, _sat prata
+biberunt_. Only, concerning the shape of letters, they are all either
+square or oblong, to which general figures circular letters and
+round-robins also conform themselves.--H. W.]
+
+
+DEER SIR its gut to be the fashun now to rite letters to the candid 8s
+and i wus chose at a publick Meetin in Jaalam to du wut wus nessary fur
+that town. i writ to 271 ginerals and gut ansers to 209. tha air called
+candid 8s but I don't see nothin candid about em. this here 1 wich I
+send wus thought satty's factory. I dunno as it's ushle to print
+Poscrips, but as all the ansers I got hed the saim, I sposed it wus
+best. times has gretly changed. Formaly to knock a man into a cocked hat
+wus to use him up, but now it ony gives him a chance fur the cheef
+madgustracy.--H. B.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    DEAR SIR,--You wish to know my notions
+      On sartin pints thet rile the land;
+    There 's nothin' thet my natur so shuns
+      Ez bein' mum or underhand;
+    I 'm a straight-spoken kind o' creetur
+      Thet blurts right out wut 's in his head,
+    An' ef I 've one pecooler feetur,
+      It is a nose thet wunt be led.
+
+    So, to begin at the beginnin',
+      An' come direcly to the pint,
+    I think the country's underpinnin'
+      Is some consid'ble out o' jint;
+    I aint agoin' to try your patience
+      By tellin' who done this or thet,
+    I don't make no insinooations,
+      I jest let on I smell a rat.
+
+    Thet is, I mean, it seems to me so,
+      But, ef the public think I 'm wrong,
+    I wunt deny but wut I be so,--
+      An', fact, it don't smell very strong;
+    My mind 's tu fair to lose its balance
+      An' say wich party hez most sense;
+    There may be folks o' greater talence
+      Thet can't set stiddier on the fence.
+
+    I 'm an eclectic; ez to choosin'
+      'Twixt this an' thet, I 'm plaguy lawth;
+    I leave a side thet looks like losin',
+      But (wile there 's doubt) I stick to both;
+    I stan' upon the Constitution,
+      Ez preudunt statesmun say, who 've planned
+    A way to git the most profusion
+      O' chances ez to _ware_ they 'll stand.
+
+    Ez fer the war, I go agin it,--
+      I mean to say I kind o' du,--
+    Thet is, I mean thet, bein' in it,
+      The best way wuz to fight it thru;
+    Not but wut abstract war is horrid,--
+      I sign to thet with all my heart,--
+    But civlyzation _doos_ git forrid
+      Sometimes upon a powder-cart.
+
+    About thet darned Proviso matter
+      I never hed a grain o' doubt,
+    Nor I aint one my sense to scatter
+      So 's no one could n't pick it out;
+    My love fer North an' South is equil,
+      So I 'll jest answer plump an' frank,
+    No matter wut may be the sequil,--
+      Yes, Sir, I _am_ agin a Bank.
+
+    Ez to the answerin' o' questions,
+      I 'm an off ox at bein' druv,
+    Though I aint one thet ary test shuns
+      'll give our folks a helpin' shove;
+    Kind o' promiscoous I go it
+      Fer the holl country, an' the ground
+    I take, ez nigh ez I can show it,
+      Is pooty gen'ally all round.
+
+    I don't appruve o' givin' pledges;
+      You 'd ough' to leave a feller free,
+    An' not go knockin' out the wedges
+      To ketch his fingers in the tree;
+    Pledges air awfle breachy cattle
+      Thet preudunt farmers don't turn out,--
+    Ez long 'z the people git their rattle,
+      Wut is there fer 'm to grout about?
+
+    Ez to the slaves, there 's no confusion
+      In _my_ idees consarnin' them,--
+    _I_ think they air an Institution,
+      A sort of--yes, jest so,--ahem:
+    Do _I_ own any? Of my merit
+      On thet pint you yourself may jedge;
+    All is, I never drink no sperit,
+      Nor I haint never signed no pledge.
+
+    Ez to my principles, I glory
+      In hevin' nothin' o' the sort;
+    I aint a Wig, I aint a Tory,
+      I 'm jest a candidate, in short;
+    Thet 's fair an' square an' parpendicler,
+      But, ef the Public cares a fig,
+    To hev me an' thin' in particler,
+      Wy I 'm a kind o' peri-wig.
+
+                      P. S.
+
+    Ez we 're a sort o' privateerin',
+      O' course, you know, it 's sheer an' sheer,
+    An' there is sutthin' wuth your hearin'
+      I 'll mention in _your_ privit ear;
+    Ef you git _me_ inside the White House,
+      Your head with ile I 'll kin' o' 'nint
+    By gittin' _you_ inside the Light-house
+      Down to the eend o' Jaalam Pint.
+
+    An' ez the North hez took to brustlin'
+      At bein' scrouged frum off the roost,
+    I 'll tell ye wut 'll save all tusslin'
+      An' give our side a harnsome boost,--
+    Tell 'em thet on the Slavery question
+      I 'm RIGHT, although to speak I 'm lawth;
+    This gives you a safe pint to rest on,
+      An' leaves me frontin' South by North.
+
+
+[And now of epistles candidatial, which are of two kinds,--namely,
+letters of acceptance, and letters definitive of position. Our republic,
+on the eve of an election, may safely enough be called a republic of
+letters. Epistolary composition becomes then an epidemic, which seizes
+one candidate after another, not seldom cutting short the thread of
+political life. It has come to such a pass, that a party dreads less the
+attacks of its opponents than a letter from its candidate. _Litera
+scripta manet_, and it will go hard if something bad cannot be made of
+it. General Harrison, it is well understood, was surrounded, during his
+candidacy, with the _cordon sanitaire_ of a vigilance committee. No
+prisoner in Spielberg was ever more cautiously deprived of writing
+materials. The soot was scraped carefully from the chimney-places;
+outposts of expert rifle-shooters rendered it sure death for any goose
+(who came clad in feathers) to approach within a certain limited
+distance of North Bend; and all domestic fowls about the premises were
+reduced to the condition of Plato's original man. By these precautions
+the General was saved. _Parva componere magnis_, I remember, that, when
+party-spirit once ran high among my people, upon occasion of the choice
+of a new deacon, I, having my preferences, yet not caring too openly to
+express them, made use of an innocent fraud to bring about that result
+which I deemed most desirable. My stratagem was no other than the
+throwing a copy of the Complete Letter-Writer in the way of the
+candidate whom I wished to defeat. He caught the infection, and
+addressed a short note to his constituents, in which the opposite party
+detected so many and so grave improprieties (he had modeled it upon the
+letter of a young lady accepting a proposal of marriage), that he not
+only lost his election, but, falling under a suspicion of Sabellianism
+and I know not what (the widow Endive assured me that he was a
+Paralipomenon, to her certain knowledge), was forced to leave the town.
+Thus it is that the letter killeth.
+
+The object which candidates propose to themselves in writing is to
+convey no meaning at all. And here is a quite unsuspected pitfall into
+which they successively plunge headlong. For it is precisely in such
+cryptographies that mankind are prone to seek for and find a wonderful
+amount and variety of significance. _Omne ignotum pro mirifico._ How do
+we admire at the antique world striving to crack those oracular nuts
+from Delphi, Ammon, and elsewhere, in only one of which can I so much
+as surmise that any kernel had ever lodged; that, namely, wherein Apollo
+confessed that he was mortal. One Didymus is, moreover, related to have
+written six thousand books on the single subject of grammar, a topic
+rendered only more tenebrific by the labours of his successors, and
+which seems still to possess an attraction for authors in proportion as
+they can make nothing of it. A singular loadstone for theologians, also,
+is the Beast in the Apocalypse, whereof, in the course of my studies, I
+have noted two hundred and three several interpretations, each
+lethiferal to all the rest. _Non nostrum est tantas componere lites_,
+yet I have myself ventured upon a two hundred and fourth, which I
+embodied in a discourse preached on occasion of the demise of the late
+usurper, Napoleon Bonaparte, and which quieted, in a large measure, the
+minds of my people. It is true that my views on this important point
+were ardently controverted by Mr. Shearjashub Holden, the then preceptor
+of our academy, and in other particulars a very deserving and sensible
+young man, though possessing a somewhat limited knowledge of the Greek
+tongue. But his heresy struck down no deep root, and, he having been
+lately removed by the hand of Providence, I had the satisfaction of
+re-affirming my cherished sentiments in a sermon preached upon the
+Lord's-day immediately succeeding his funeral. This might seem like
+taking an unfair advantage, did I not add that he had made provision in
+his last will (being celibate) for the publication of a posthumous
+tractate in support of his own dangerous opinions.
+
+I know of nothing in our modern times which approaches so nearly to the
+ancient oracle as the letter of a Presidential candidate. Now, among the
+Greeks, the eating of beans was strictly forbidden to all such as had it
+in mind to consult those expert amphibologists, and this same
+prohibition on the part of Pythagoras to his disciples is understood to
+imply an abstinence from politics, beans having been used as ballots.
+That other explication, _quod videlicet sensus eo cibo obtundi
+existimaret_, though supported _pugnis et calcibus_ by many of the
+learned, and not wanting the countenance of Cicero, is confuted by the
+larger experience of New England. On the whole, I think it safer to
+apply here the rule of interpretation which now generally obtains in
+regard to antique cosmogonies, myths, fables, proverbial expressions,
+and knotty points generally, which is, to find a common-sense meaning,
+and then select whatever can be imagined the most opposite thereto. In
+this way we arrive at the conclusion, that the Greeks objected to the
+questioning of candidates. And very properly, if, as I conceive, the
+chief point be not to discover what a person in that position is, or
+what he will do, but whether he can be elected. _Vos exemplaria Græca
+nocturna versate manu, versate diurna._
+
+But, since an imitation of the Greeks in this particular (the asking of
+questions being one chief privilege of freemen) is hardly to be hoped
+for, and our candidates will answer, whether they are questioned or not,
+I would recommend that these ante-electionary dialogues should be
+carried on by symbols, as were the diplomatic correspondences of the
+Scythians and Macrobii, or confined to the language of signs, like the
+famous interview of Panurge and Goatsnose. A candidate might then convey
+a suitable reply to all committees of inquiry by closing one eye, or by
+presenting them with a phial of Egyptian darkness to be speculated upon
+by their respective constituencies. These answers would be susceptible
+of whatever retrospective construction the exigencies of the political
+campaign might seem to demand, and the candidate could take his position
+on either side of the fence with entire consistency. Or, if letters must
+be written, profitable use might be made of the Dighton rock
+hieroglyphic or the cuneiform script, every fresh decipherer of which is
+enabled to educe a different meaning, whereby a sculptured stone or two
+supplies us, and will probably continue to supply posterity, with a very
+vast and various body of authentic history. For even the briefest
+epistle in the ordinary chirography is dangerous. There is scarce any
+style so compressed that superfluous words may not be detected in it. A
+severe critic might curtail that famous brevity of Cæsar's by two
+thirds, drawing his pen through the supererogatory _veni_ and _vidi_.
+Perhaps, after all, the surest footing of hope is to be found in the
+rapidly increasing tendency to demand less and less of qualification in
+candidates. Already have statesmanship, experience, and the possession
+(nay, the profession, even) of principles been rejected as superfluous,
+and may not the patriot reasonably hope that the ability to write will
+follow? At present, there may be death in pot-hooks as well as pots, the
+loop of a letter may suffice for a bow-string, and all the dreadful
+heresies of Anti-slavery may lurk in a flourish.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. VIII.
+
+A SECOND LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.
+
+
+[In the following epistle, we behold Mr. Sawin returning a _miles
+emeritus_, to the bosom of his family. _Quantum mutatus!_ The good
+Father of us all had doubtless entrusted to the keeping of this child of
+his certain faculties of a constructive kind. He had put in him a share
+of that vital force, the nicest economy of every minute atom of which is
+necessary to the perfect development of Humanity. He had given him a
+brain and heart, and so had equipped his soul with the two strong wings
+of knowledge and love, whereby it can mount to hang its nest under the
+eaves of heaven. And this child, so dowered, he had entrusted to the
+keeping of his vicar, the State. How stands the account of that
+stewardship? The State, or Society (call her by what name you will), had
+taken no manner of thought of him till she saw him swept out into the
+street, the pitiful leavings of last night's debauch, with cigar-ends,
+lemon-parings, tobacco-quids, slops, vile stenches, and the whole
+loathsome next-morning of the bar-room,--an own child of the Almighty
+God! I remember him as he was brought to be christened, a ruddy, rugged
+babe; and now there he wallows, reeking, seething,--the dead corpse, not
+of a man, but of a soul,--a putrefying lump, horrible for the life that
+is in it. Comes the wind of heaven, that good Samaritan, and parts the
+hair upon his forehead, nor is too nice to kiss those parched, cracked
+lips; the morning opens upon him her eyes full of pitying sunshine, the
+sky yearns down to him,--and there he lies fermenting. O sleep! let me
+not profane thy holy name by calling that stertorous unconsciousness a
+slumber! By and by comes along the State, God's vicar. Does she
+say,--"My poor, forlorn foster-child! Behold here a force which I will
+make dig and plant and build for me"? Not so, but,--"Here is a recruit
+ready-made to my hand, a piece of destroying energy lying unprofitably
+idle." So she claps an ugly grey suit on him, puts a musket in his
+grasp, and sends him off, with Gubernatorial and other godspeeds, to do
+duty as a destroyer.
+
+I made one of the crowd at the last Mechanics' Fair, and, with the rest,
+stood gazing in wonder at a perfect machine, with its soul of fire, its
+boiler-heart that sent the hot blood pulsing along the iron arteries,
+and its thews of steel. And while I was admiring the adaptation of means
+to end, the harmonious involutions of contrivance, and the
+never-bewildered complexity, I saw a grimed and greasy fellow, the
+imperious engine's lackey and drudge, whose sole office was to let fall,
+at intervals, a drop or two of oil upon a certain joint. Then my soul
+said within me, See there a piece of mechanism to which that other you
+marvel at is but as the rude first effort of a child,--a force which not
+merely suffices to set a few wheels in motion, but which can send an
+impulse all through the infinite future,--a contrivance, not for turning
+out pins, or stitching button-holes, but for making Hamlets and Lears.
+And yet this thing of iron shall be housed, waited on, guarded from rust
+and dust, and it shall be a crime but so much as to scratch it with a
+pin; while the other, with its fire of God in it, shall be buffeted
+hither and thither, and finally sent carefully a thousand miles to be
+the target for a Mexican cannon-ball. Unthrifty Mother State! My heart
+burned within me for pity and indignation, and I renewed this covenant
+with my own soul,--_In aliis mansuetus ero, at, in blasphemiis contra
+Christum, non ita._--H. W.]
+
+
+    I spose you wonder ware I be; I can't tell, fer the soul o' me,
+    Exacly ware I be myself,--meanin' by thet the holl o' me.
+    Wen I left hum, I hed two legs, an' they worn't bad ones neither
+    (The scaliest trick they ever played wuz bringin' on me hither),
+    Now one on 'em 's I dunno ware;--they thought I wuz adyin',
+    An' sawed it off, because they said 'twuz kin' o' mortifyin';
+    I 'm willin' to believe it wuz, an' yit I don't see, nuther,
+    Wy one should take to feelin' cheap a minnit sooner 'n t'other,
+    Sence both wuz equilly to blame; but things is ez they be;
+    It took on so they took it off, an' thet 's enough fer me:
+    There 's one good thing, though, to be said about my wooden new one,--
+    The liquor can't get into it ez 't used to in the true one;
+    So it saves drink; an' then, besides, a feller could n't beg.
+    A gretter blessin' then to hev one ollers sober peg;
+    It 's true a chap 's in want o' two fer follerin' a drum,
+    But all the march I 'm up to now is jest to Kingdom Come.
+
+    I 've lost one eye, but thet 's a loss it 's easy to supply
+    Out o' the glory thet I 've gut, fer thet is all my eye;
+    An' one is big enough, I guess, by diligently usin' it,
+    To see all I shall ever git by way o' pay fer losin' it;
+    Off'cers, I notice, who git paid fer all our thumps an' kickins,
+    Du wal by keepin' single eyes arter the fattest pickins;
+    So, ez the eye 's put fairly out, I 'll larn to go without it,
+    An' not allow _myself_ to be no gret put out about it.
+    Now, le' me see, thet is n't all; I used, 'fore leavin' Jaalam,
+    To count things on my finger-eends, but sutthin' seems to ail 'em:
+    Ware 's my left hand? O, darn it, yes, I recollect wut 's come on 't;
+    I haint no left arm but my right, an' thet 's gut jest a thumb on 't;
+    It aint so hendy ez it wuz to cal'late a sum on 't.
+    I 've hed some ribs broke,--six (I b'lieve),--I haint kep' no
+              account on 'em;
+    Wen pensions git to be the talk, I 'll settle the amount on 'em.
+    An' now I 'm speakin' about ribs, it kin' o' brings to mind
+    One thet I could n't never break,--the one I lef' behind;
+    Ef you should see her, jest clear out the spout o' your invention
+    An' pour the longest sweetnin'-in about an annooal pension,
+    An' kin' o' hint (in case, you know, the critter should refuse to be
+    Consoled) I aint so 'xpensive now to keep ez wut I used to be;
+    There 's one arm less, ditto one eye, an' then the leg thet 's wooden
+    Can be took off an' sot away wenever ther' 's a puddin'.
+
+    I spose you think I 'm comin' back ez opperlunt ez thunder,
+    With shiploads o' gold images, an' varus sorts o' plunder;
+    Wal, 'fore I vullinteered, I thought this country wuz a sort o'
+    Canaan, a reg'lar Promised Land flowin' with rum an' water,
+    Ware propaty growed up like time, without no cultivation,
+    An' gold wuz dug ez taters be among our Yankee nation,
+    Ware nateral advantages were pufficly amazin',
+    Ware every rock there wuz about with precious stuns wuz blazin',
+    Ware mill-sites filled the country up ez thick ez you could cram 'em,
+    An' desput rivers run about abeggin' folks to dam 'em;
+    Then there were meetinhouses, tu, chockful o' gold an' silver
+    Thet you could take, an' no one could n't hand ye in no bill fer;--
+    Thet 's wut I thought afore I went, thet 's wut them fellers told us
+    Thet stayed to hum an' speechified an' to the buzzards sold us;
+    I thought thet gold mines could be gut cheaper than china asters,
+    An' see myself acomin' back like sixty Jacob Astors;
+    But sech idees soon melted down an' did n't leave a grease-spot;
+    I vow my holl sheer o' the spiles would n't come nigh a V spot;
+    Although, most anywares we 've ben, you need n't break no locks,
+    Nor run no kin' o' risks, to fill your pocket full o' rocks.
+
+    I guess I mentioned in my last some o' the nateral feeturs
+    O' this all-fiered buggy hole in th' way o' awfle creeturs,
+    But I fergut to name (new things to speak on so abounded)
+    How one day you 'll most die o' thust, an' 'fore the next git drownded.
+    The clymit seems to me jest like a teapot made o' pewter
+    Our Prudence hed, thet would n't pour (all she could du) to suit her;
+    Fust place the leaves 'ould choke the spout, so 's not a drop 'ould
+              dreen out,
+    Then Prude 'ould tip an' tip an' tip, till the holl kit bust clean out,
+    The kiver-hinge-pin bein' lost, tea-leaves an' tea an' kiver
+    'ould all come down _kerswosh!_ ez though the dam broke in a river.
+    Jest so 't is here; holl months there aint a day o' rainy weather,
+    An' jest ez th' officers 'ould be alayin' heads together
+    Ez t' how they 'd mix their drink at sech a milingtary deepot,--
+    'T 'ould pour ez though the lid wuz off the everlastin' teapot.
+
+    The cons'quence is, thet I shall take, wen I 'm allowed to leave here,
+    One piece o' propaty along,--an' thet 's the shakin' fever;
+    It 's reggilar employment, though, an' thet aint thought to harm one,
+    Nor 't aint so tiresome ez it wuz with t' other leg an' arm on;
+    An' it 's a consolation, tu, although it does n't pay,
+    To hev it said you 're some gret shakes in any kin' o' way.
+    'T worn't very long, I tell ye wut, I thought o' fortin-makin',--
+    One day a reg'lar shiver-de-freeze, an' next ez good ez bakin',--
+    One day abrilin' in the sand, then smoth'rin' in the mashes,--
+    Git up all sound, be put to bed a mess o' hacks an' smashes.
+    But then, thinks I, at any rate there 's glory to be hed,--
+    Thet 's an investment, arter all, thet may n't turn out so bad;
+    But somehow, wen we 'd fit an' licked, I ollers found the thanks
+    Gut kin' o' lodged afore they come ez low down ez the ranks;
+    The Gin'rals gut the biggest sheer, the Cunnles next, an' so on,--
+    _We_ never gut a blasted mite o' glory ez I know on;
+    An' spose we hed, I wonder how you 're goin' to contrive its
+    Division so 's to give a piece to twenty thousand privits;
+    Ef you should multiply by ten the portion o' the brav'st one,
+    You would n't git more 'n half enough to speak of on a grave-stun;
+    We git the licks,--we 're jest the grist thet 's put into War's
+              hoppers;
+    Leftenants is the lowest grade thet helps pick up the coppers.
+    It may suit folks thet go agin a body with a soul in 't,
+    An' aint contented with a hide without a bagnet hole in 't;
+    But glory is a kin' o' thing _I_ shan't pursue no furder,
+    Coz thet 's the off'cers parquisite,--yourn 's on'y jest the murder.
+
+    Wal, arter I gin glory up, thinks I at least there 's one
+    Thing in the bills we aint hed yit, an' thet 's the GLORIOUS FUN;
+    Ef once we git to Mexico, we fairly may persume we
+    All day an' night shall revel in the halls o' Montezumy.
+    I 'll tell ye wut _my_ revels wuz, an' see how you would like 'em;
+    _We_ never gut inside the hall: the nighest ever _I_ come
+    Wuz stan'in' sentry in the sun (an', fact, it _seemed_ a cent'ry)
+    A ketchin' smells o' biled an' roast thet come out thru the entry,
+    An' hearin', ez I sweltered thru my passes an' repasses,
+    A rat-tat-too o' knives an' forks, a clinkty-clink o' glasses:
+    I can't tell off the bill o' fare the Gin'rals hed inside
+    All I know is, thet out o' doors a pair o' soles wuz fried,
+    An' not a hunderd miles away frum ware this child wuz posted,
+    A Massachusetts citizen wuz baked an' biled an' roasted;
+    The on'y thing like revellin' thet ever come to me
+    Wuz bein' routed out o' sleep by thet darned revelee.
+
+    They say the quarrel 's settled now; fer my part I 've some doubt
+              on 't,
+    'T 'll take more fish-skin than folks think to take the rile clean
+              out on 't;
+    At any rate, I 'm so used up I can't do no more fightin',
+    The on'y chance thet 's left to me is politics or writin';
+    Now, ez the people 's gut to hev a milingtary man,
+    An' I aint nothin' else jest now, I 've hit upon a plan;
+    The can'idatin' line, you know, 'ould suit me to a T,
+    An' ef I lose, 't wunt hurt my ears to lodge another flea;
+    So I 'll set up ez can'idate fer any kin' o' office
+    (I mean fer any thet includes good easy-cheers an' soffies;
+    Fer ez to runnin' fer a place ware work 's the time o' day,
+    You know thet 's wut I never did,--except the other way);
+    Ef it 's the Presidential cheer fer wich I 'd better run,
+    Wut two legs anywares about could keep up with my one?
+    There aint no kin' o' quality in can'idates, it 's said,
+    So useful ez a wooden leg,--except a wooden head;
+    There 's nothin' aint so poppylar--(wy, it 's a parfect sin
+    To think wut Mexico hez paid fer Santy Anny's pin;)--
+    Then I haint gut no principles, an', sence I wuz knee-high,
+    I never _did_ hev any gret, ez you can testify;
+    I 'm a decided peace-man, tu, an' go agin the war,--
+    Fer now the holl on 't 's gone an' past, wut is there to go _for_?
+    Ef, wile you 're 'lectioneerin' round, some curus chaps should beg
+    To know my views o' state affairs, jest answer WOODEN LEG!
+    Ef they aint settisfied with thet, an' kin' o' pry an' doubt
+    An' ax fer sutthin' deffynit, jest say ONE EYE PUT OUT!
+    Thet kin' o' talk I guess you 'll find 'll answer to a charm,
+    An' wen you 're druv tu nigh the wall, hol' up my missin' arm;
+    Ef they should nose round fer a pledge, put on a vartoous look
+    An' tell 'em thet 's percisely wut I never gin nor--took!
+
+    Then you can call me "Timbertoes,"--thet 's wut the people likes;
+    Sutthin' combinin' morril truth with phrases sech ez strikes;
+    Some say the people 's fond o' this, or thet, or wut you please,--
+    I tell ye wut the people want is jest correct idees;
+    "Old Timbertoes," you see 's a creed it 's safe to be quite bold on,
+    There 's nothin' in 't the other side can any ways git hold on;
+    It 's a good tangible idee, a sutthin' to embody
+    Thet valooable class o' men who look thru brandy-toddy;
+    It gives a Party Platform tu, jest level with the mind
+    Of all right-thinkin', honest folks thet mean to go it blind;
+    Then there air other good hooraws to dror on ez you need 'em,
+    Sech ez the ONE-EYED SLARTERER, the BLOODY BIRDOFREDUM;
+    Them 's wut takes hold o' folks thet think, ez well ez o' the masses,
+    An' makes you sartin o' the aid o' good men of all classes.
+
+    There 's one thing I 'm in doubt about; in order to be Presidunt,
+    It 's absolutely ne'ssary to be a Southern residunt;
+    The Constitution settles thet, an' also thet a feller
+    Must own a nigger o' some sort, jet black, or brown, or yeller.
+    Now I haint no objections agin particklar climes,
+    Nor agin ownin' anythin' (except the truth sometimes),
+    But, ez I haint no capital, up there among ye, may be,
+    You might raise funds enough fer me to buy a low-priced baby,
+    An' then, to suit the No'thern folks, who feel obleeged to say
+    They hate an' cuss the very thing they vote fer every day,
+    Say you 're assured I go full butt fer Libbaty's diffusion
+    An' made the purchis on'y jest to spite the Institootion;--
+    But, golly! there 's the currier's hoss upon the pavement pawin'!
+    I 'll be more 'xplicit in my next.
+
+                                        Yourn,
+
+                                                BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN.
+
+
+[We have now a tolerably fair chance of estimating how the balance-sheet
+stands between our returned volunteer and glory. Supposing the entries
+to be set down on both sides of the account in fractional parts of one
+hundred, we shall arrive at something like the following result:--
+
+
+ _Cr._     B. SAWIN, Esq., _in account with_ (BLANK) GLORY.     _Dr._
+
+ By loss of one leg            20    To one 675th three cheers
+ "   do.    one arm            15       in Faneuil Hall            30
+ "   do.    four fingers        5    "  do. do. on occasion
+ "   do.    one eye            10       of presentation of
+ "  the breaking of six ribs    6       sword to Colonel Wright    25
+ "  having served under              "  one suit of grey clothes
+    Colonel Cushing one                 (ingeniously unbecoming)   15
+    month                      44    "  musical entertainments
+                                        (drum and fife six
+                                        months)                     5
+                                     "  one dinner after return     1
+                                     "  chance of pension           1
+                                     "  privilege of drawing
+                                        longbow during rest of
+                                        natural life               23
+                             ----                                ----
+    E. E.                     100                                 100
+
+
+It would appear that Mr. Sawin found the actual feast curiously the
+reverse of the bill of fare advertised in Faneuil Hall and other places.
+His primary object seems to have been the making of his fortune.
+_Quærenda pecunia primum, virtus post nummos._ He hoisted sail for
+Eldorado, and shipwrecked on Point Tribulation. _Quid non mortalia
+pectora cogis, auri sacra fames?_ The speculation has sometimes crossed
+my mind, in that dreary interval of drought which intervenes between
+quarterly stipendiary showers, that Providence, by the creation of a
+money-tree, might have simplified wonderfully the sometimes perplexing
+problem of human life. We read of bread-trees, the butter for which lies
+ready-churned in Irish bogs. Milk-trees we are assured of in South
+America, and stout Sir John Hawkins testifies to water-trees in the
+Canaries. Boot-trees bear abundantly in Lynn and elsewhere; and I have
+seen, in the entries of the wealthy, hat-trees with a fair show of
+fruit. A family-tree I once cultivated myself, and found therefrom but a
+scanty yield, and that quite tasteless and innutritious. Of trees
+bearing men we are not without examples; as those in the park of Louis
+the Eleventh of France. Who has forgotten, moreover, that olive-tree
+growing in the Athenian's back-garden, with its strange uxorious crop,
+for the general propagation of which, as of a new and precious variety,
+the philosopher Diogenes, hitherto uninterested in arboriculture, was so
+zealous? In the _sylva_ of our own Southern States, the females of my
+family have called my attention to the china-tree. Not to multiply
+examples, I will barely add to my list the birch-tree, in the smaller
+branches of which has been implanted so miraculous a virtue for
+communicating the Latin and Greek languages, and which may well
+therefore be classed among the trees producing necessaries of
+life,--_venerabile donum fatalis virgæ_. That money-trees existed in the
+golden age there want not prevalent reasons for our believing. For does
+not the old proverb, when it asserts that money does not grow on _every_
+bush, imply _à fortiori_, that there were certain bushes which did
+produce it? Again, there is another ancient saw to the effect that money
+is the _root_ of all evil. From which two adages it may be safe to infer
+that the aforesaid species of tree first degenerated into a shrub, then
+absconded underground, and finally, in our iron age, vanished
+altogether. In favourable exposures it may be conjectured that a
+specimen or two survived to a great age, as in the garden of the
+Hesperides; and, indeed, what else could that tree in the Sixth Æneid
+have been, with a branch whereof the Trojan hero procured admission to a
+territory, for the entering of which money is a surer passport than to a
+certain other more profitable (too) foreign kingdom? Whether these
+speculations of mine have any force in them, or whether they will not
+rather, by most readers, be deemed impertinent to the matter in hand, is
+a question which I leave to the determination of an indulgent posterity.
+That there were, in more primitive and happier times, shops where money
+was sold,--and that, too, on credit and at a bargain,--I take to be
+matter of demonstration. For what but a dealer in this article was that
+Æolus who supplied Ulysses with motive power for his fleet in bags? What
+that Ericus, king of Sweden, who is said to have kept the winds in his
+cap? What, in more recent times, those Lapland Nornas who traded in
+favourable breezes? All which will appear the more clearly when we
+consider, that, even to this day, _raising the wind_ is proverbial for
+raising money, and that brokers and banks were invented by the Venetians
+at a later period.
+
+And now for the improvement of this digression. I find a parallel to Mr.
+Sawin's fortune in an adventure of my own. For, shortly after I had
+first broached to myself the before-stated natural-historical and
+archæological theories, as I was passing, _hæc negotia penitus mecum
+revolvens_, through one of the obscure suburbs of our New England
+metropolis, my eye was attracted by these words upon a sign-board,--CHEAP
+CASH-STORE. Here was at once the confirmation of my speculations, and
+the substance of my hopes. Here lingered the fragment of a happier past,
+or stretched out the first tremulous organic filament of a more
+fortunate future. Thus glowed the distant Mexico to the eyes of Sawin,
+as he looked through the dirty pane of the recruiting-office window, or
+speculated from the summit of that mirage-Pisgah which the imps of the
+bottle are so cunning in raising up. Already had my Alnaschar-fancy
+(even during that first half-believing glance) expended in various
+useful directions the funds to be obtained by pledging the manuscript of
+a proposed volume of discourses. Already did a clock ornament the tower
+of the Jaalam meeting-house--a gift appropriately, but modestly,
+commemorated in the parish and town records, both, for now many years,
+kept by myself. Already had my son Seneca completed his course at the
+University. Whether, for the moment, we may not be considered as
+actually lording it over those Baratarias with the viceroyalty of which
+Hope invests us, and whether we are ever so warmly housed as in our
+Spanish castles, would afford matter of argument. Enough that I found
+that sign-board to be no other than a bait to the trap of a decayed
+grocer. Nevertheless, I bought a pound of dates (getting short weight by
+reason of immense flights of harpy flies, who pursued and lighted upon
+their prey even in the very scales), which purchase I made, not only
+with an eye to the little ones at home, but also as a figurative reproof
+of that too-frequent habit of my mind, which, forgetting the due order
+of chronology, will often persuade me that the happy sceptre of Saturn
+is stretched over this Astræa-forsaken nineteenth century.
+
+Having glanced at the ledger of Glory under the title _Sawin, B._, let
+us extend our investigations, and discover if that instructive volume
+does not contain some charges more personally interesting to ourselves.
+I think we should be more economical of our resources, did we thoroughly
+appreciate the fact, that, whenever Brother Jonathan seems to be
+thrusting his hand into his own pocket, he is, in fact, picking ours. I
+confess that the late _muck_ which the country has been running, has
+materially changed my views as to the best method of raising revenue.
+If, by means of direct taxation, the bills for every extraordinary
+outlay were brought under our immediate eye, so that, like thrifty
+housekeepers, we could see where and how fast the money was going, we
+should be less likely to commit extravagances. At present, these things
+are managed in such a hugger-mugger way, that we know not what we pay
+for; the poor man is charged as much as the rich; and, while we are
+saving and scrimping at the spigot, the government is drawing off at the
+bung. If we could know that a part of the money we expend for tea and
+coffee goes to buy powder and ball, and that it is Mexican blood which
+makes the clothes on our backs more costly, it would set some of us
+athinking. During the present fall, I have often pictured to myself a
+government official entering my study, and handing me the following
+bill:--
+
+
+                                    WASHINGTON, Sept. 30, 1848.
+
+               REV. HOMER WILBUR _to_ UNCLE SAMUEL,           _Dr._
+
+ To his share of work done in Mexico on partnership
+    account, sundry jobs, as below.
+
+ " killing, maiming, and wounding about 5,000 Mexicans        $2.00
+
+ " slaughtering one woman carrying water to wounded             .10
+
+ " extra work on two different Sabbaths (one bombardment
+    and one assault) whereby the Mexicans were prevented
+    from defiling themselves with the idolatries of high
+    mass                                                       3.50
+
+ " throwing an especially fortunate and Protestant
+    bomb-shell into the Cathedral at Vera Cruz, whereby
+    several female Papists were slain at the altar              .50
+
+ " his proportion of cash paid for conquered territory         1.75
+
+ "         do.       do.       for conquering  do.             1.50
+
+ " manuring do. with new superior compost called
+    "American Citizen"                                          .50
+
+ " extending the area of freedom and Protestantism              .01
+
+ " glory                                                        .01
+                                                             ------
+                                                              $9.87
+
+   _Immediate payment is requested._
+
+N.B. Thankful for former favours, U. S. requests a continuance of
+patronage. Orders executed with neatness and despatch. Terms as low as
+those of any other contractor for the same kind and style of work.
+
+
+I can fancy the official answering my look of horror with,--"Yes, Sir,
+it looks like a high charge, Sir; but in these days slaughtering is
+slaughtering." Verily, I would that every one understood that it was;
+for it goes about obtaining money under the false pretence of being
+glory. For me, I have an imagination which plays me uncomfortable
+tricks. It happens to me sometimes to see a slaughterer on his way home
+from his day's work, and forthwith my imagination puts a cocked-hat upon
+his head, and epaulettes upon his shoulders, and sets him up as a
+candidate for the Presidency. So, also, on a recent public occasion, as
+the place assigned to the "Reverend Clergy" is just behind that of
+"Officers of the Army and Navy" in processions, it was my fortune to be
+seated at the dinner-table over against one of these respectable
+persons. He was arrayed as (out of his own profession) only kings,
+court-officers, and footmen are in Europe, and Indians in America. Now
+what does my over-officious imagination but set to work upon him, strip
+him of his gay livery, and present him to me coatless, his trousers
+thrust into the tops of a pair of boots thick with clotted blood, and a
+basket on his arm out of which lolled a gore-smeared axe, thereby
+destroying my relish for the temporal mercies upon the board before
+me.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. IX.
+
+A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.
+
+
+[Upon the following letter slender comment will be needful. In what
+river Selemnus has Mr. Sawin bathed, that he has become so swiftly
+oblivious of his former loves? From an ardent and (as befits a soldier)
+confident wooer of that coy bride, the popular favour, we see him
+subside of a sudden into the (I trust not jilted) Cincinnatus, returning
+to his plough with a goodly-sized branch of willow in his hand;
+figuratively returning, however, to a figurative plough, and from no
+profound affection for that honoured implement of husbandry (for which,
+indeed, Mr. Sawin never displayed any decided predilection), but in
+order to be gracefully summoned therefrom to more congenial labours. It
+would seem that the character of the ancient Dictator had become part of
+the recognised stock of our modern political comedy, though, as our term
+of office extends to a quadrennial length, the parallel is not so
+minutely exact as could be desired. It is sufficiently so, however, for
+purposes of scenic representation. An humble cottage (if built of logs,
+the better) forms the Arcadian background of the stage. This rustic
+paradise is labeled Ashland, Jaalam, North Bend, Marshfield, Kinderhook,
+or Bâton Rouge, as occasion demands. Before the door stands a something
+with one handle (the other painted in proper perspective), which
+represents, in happy ideal vagueness, the plough. To this the defeated
+candidate rushes with delirious joy, welcomed as a father by
+appropriate groups of happy labourers, or from it the successful one is
+torn with difficulty, sustained alone by a noble sense of public duty.
+Only I have observed, that, if the scene be laid at Bâton Rouge or
+Ashland, the labourers are kept carefully in the background, and are
+heard to shout from behind the scenes in a singular tone, resembling
+ululation, and accompanied by a sound not unlike vigorous clapping.
+This, however, may be artistically in keeping with the habits of the
+rustic population of those localities. The precise connexion between
+agricultural pursuits and statesmanship I have not been able, after
+diligent inquiry, to discover. But, that my investigations may not be
+barren of all fruit, I will mention one curious statistical fact, which
+I consider thoroughly established, namely, that no real farmer ever
+attains practically beyond a seat in General Court, however
+theoretically qualified for more exalted station.
+
+It is probable that some other prospect has been opened to Mr. Sawin,
+and that he has not made this great sacrifice without some definite
+understanding in regard to a seat in the cabinet, or a foreign mission.
+It may be supposed that we of Jaalam were not untouched by a feeling of
+villatic pride in beholding our townsman occupying so large a space in
+the public eye. And to me, deeply revolving the qualifications necessary
+to a candidate in these frugal times, those of Mr. S. seemed peculiarly
+adapted to a successful campaign. The loss of a leg, an arm, an eye, and
+four fingers, reduced him so nearly to the condition of a _vox et
+præterea nihil_, that I could think of nothing but the loss of his head
+by which his chance could have been bettered. But since he has chosen to
+baulk our suffrages, we must content ourselves with what we can get,
+remembering _lactucas non esse dandas, dum cardui sufficiant_.--H. W.]
+
+
+    I spose you recollect thet I explained my gennle views
+    In the last billet thet I writ, 'way down frum Veery Cruze,
+    Jest arter I 'd a kind o' ben spontanously sot up
+    To run unanimously fer the Presidential cup;
+    O' course it worn't no wish o' mine, 't wuz ferfiely distressin',
+    But poppiler enthusiasm gut so almighty pressin'
+    Thet, though like sixty all along I fumed an' fussed an' sorrered,
+    There did n't seem no ways to stop their bringin' on me forrerd:
+    Fact is, they udged the matter so, I could n't help admittin'
+    The Father o' his Country's shoes no feet but mine 'ould fit in,
+    Besides the savin' o' the soles fer ages to succeed,
+    Seein' thet with one wannut foot, a pair 'd be more 'n I need;
+    An', tell ye wut, them shoes 'll want a thund'rin' sight o' patchin',
+    Ef this ere fashion is to last we 've gut into o' hatchin'
+    A pair o' second Washintons fer every new election,--
+    Though, fur ez number one 's consarned, I don't make no objection.
+
+    I wuz agoin' on to say thet wen at fust I saw
+    The masses would stick to 't I wuz the Country's father-'n-law
+    (They would ha' hed it _Father_, but I told 'em 't would n't du,
+    Coz thet wuz sutthin' of a sort they could n't split in tu,
+    An' Washinton hed hed the thing laid fairly to his door,
+    Nor dars n't say 't worn't his'n, much ez sixty year afore),
+    But 't aint no matter ez to thet; wen I wuz nomernated,
+    'T worn't natur but wut I should feel consid'able elated,
+    An' wile the hooraw o' the thing wuz kind o' noo an' fresh,
+    I thought our ticket would ha' caird the country with a resh.
+
+    Sence I 've come hum, though, an' looked round, I think I seem to find
+    Strong argimunts ez thick ez fleas to make me change my mind;
+    It 's clear to any one whose brain ain't fur gone in a phthisis,
+    Thet hail Columby's happy land is goin' thru a crisis,
+    An' 't would n't noways du to hev the people's mind distracted
+    By bein' all to once by sev'ral pop'lar names attackted;
+    'T would save holl haycartloads o' fuss an' three four months o' jaw,
+    Ef some illustrous paytriot should back out an' withdraw;
+    So, ez I aint a crooked stick, jest like--like ole (I swow,
+    I dunno ez I know his name)--I 'll go back to my plough.
+    Now, 't aint no more 'n is proper 'n' right in sech a sitooation
+    To hint the course you think 'll be the savin' o' the nation;
+    To funk right out o' p'lit'cal strife aint thought to be the thing,
+    Without you deacon off the toon you want your folks should sing;
+    So I edvise the noomrous friends thet 's in one boat with me
+    To jest up killock, jam right down their hellum hard a lee,
+    Haul the sheets taut, an', laying out upon the Suthun tack,
+    Make fer the safest port they can, wich, _I_ think, is Ole Zack.
+
+    Next thing you 'll want to know, I spose, wut argimunts I seem
+    To see thet makes me think this ere 'll be the strongest team;
+    Fust place, I've ben consid'ble round in bar-rooms an' saloons
+    Agethrin' public sentiment, 'mongst Demmercrats and Coons,
+    An' 't aint ve'y offen thet I meet a chap but wut goes in
+    Fer Rough an' Ready, fair an' square, hufs, taller, horns, an' skin;
+    I don't deny but wut, fer one, ez fur ez I could see,
+    I didn't like at fust the Pheladelphy nomernee;
+    I could ha' pinted to a man thet wuz, I guess, a peg
+    Higher than him,--a soger, tu, an' with a wooden leg;
+    But every day with more an' more o' Taylor zeal I 'm burnin',
+    Seein' wich way the tide thet sets to office is aturnin';
+    Wy, into Bellers's we notched the votes down on three sticks,--
+    'T wuz Birdofredum _one_, Cass _aught_, an' Taylor _twenty-six_,
+    An', bein' the on'y canderdate thet wuz upon the ground,
+    They said 't wuz no more 'n right thet I should pay the drinks all
+              round;
+    Ef I 'd expected sech a trick, I would n't ha' cut my foot
+    By goin' an' votin' fer myself like a consumed coot;
+    It did n't make no diff'rence, though; I wish I may be cust,
+    Ef Bellers wuz n't slim enough to say he would n't trust!
+
+    Another pint thet influences the minds o' sober jedges
+    Is thet the Gin'ral hez n't gut tied hand an' foot with pledges;
+    He hez n't told ye wut he is, an' so there aint no knowin'
+    But wut he may turn out to be the best there is agoin';
+    This, at the on'y spot thet pinched, the shoe directly eases,
+    Coz every one is free to 'xpect percisely wut he pleases:
+    I want free-trade; you don't; the Gin'ral is n't bound to neither;--
+    I vote my way; you, yourn; an' both air sooted to a T there.
+    Ole Rough an' Ready, tu, 's a Wig, but without bein' ultry
+    (He 's like a holsome hayinday, thet 's warm, but is n't sultry);
+    He 's jest wut I should call myself, a kin' o' _scratch_, ez 't ware,
+    Thet aint exacly all a wig nor wholly your own hair;
+    I 've ben a Wig three weeks myself, jest o' this mod'rate sort,
+    An' don't find them an' Demmercrats so different ez I thought;
+    They both act pooty much alike, an' push an' scrouge an' cus;
+    They 're like two pickpockets in league fer Uncle Samwell's pus;
+    Each takes a side, an' then they squeeze the old man in between 'em,
+    Turn all his pockets wrong side out an' quick ez lightnin' clean 'em;
+    To nary one on 'em I 'd trust a secon'-handed rail
+    No furder off 'an I could sling a bullock by the tail.
+    Webster sot matters right in that air Mashfiel' speech o' his'n;--
+    "Taylor," sez he, "aint nary ways the one thet I 'd a chizzen,
+    Nor he ain't fittin' fer the place, an' like ez not he aint
+    No more 'n a tough ole bullethead, an' no gret of a saint;
+    But then," sez he, "obsarve my pint, he's jest ez good to vote fer
+    Ez though the greasin' on him worn't a thing to hire Choate fer;
+    Aint it ez easy done to drop a ballot in a box
+    Fer one ez 't is fer t' other, fer the bulldog ez the fox?"
+    It takes a mind like Dannel's, fact, ez big ez all ou' doors,
+    To find out thet it looks like rain arter it fairly pours;
+    I 'gree with him, it aint so dreffle troublesome to vote
+    Fer Taylor arter all,--it 's jest to go an' change your coat;
+    Wen he's once greased, you 'll swaller him an' never know on't, source,
+    Unless he scratches, goin' down, with them air Gin'ral's spurs.
+    I 've ben a votin' Demmercrat, ez reg'lar ez a clock,
+    But don't find goin' Taylor gives my narves no gret 'f a shock;
+    Truth is, the cutest leadin' Wigs, ever sence fust they found
+    Wich side the bread gut buttered on, hev kep' a edgin' round;
+    They kin' o' slipt the planks frum out th' ole platform one by one
+    An' made it gradooally noo, 'fore folks know'd wut wuz done,
+    Till, fur 'z I know, there aint an inch thet I could lay my han' on,
+    But I, or any Demmercrat, feels comf'table to stan' on,
+    An' ole Wig doctrines act'lly look, their occ'pants bein' gone,
+    Lonesome ez staddles on a mash without no hay-ricks on.
+
+    I spose it 's time now I should give my thoughts upon the plan,
+    Thet chipped the shell at Buffalo, o' settin' up ole Van.
+    I used to vote fer Martin, but, I swan, I 'm clean disgusted,--
+    He aint the man thet I can say is fittin' to be trusted;
+    He aint half antislav'ry 'nough, nor I aint sure, ez some be,
+    He 'd go in fer abolishin' the Deestrick o' Columby;
+    An', now I come to recollect, it kin' o' makes me sick 'z
+    A horse, to think o' wut he wuz in eighteen thirty-six.
+    An' then, another thing;--I guess, though mebby I am wrong,
+    This Buff'lo plaster aint agoin' to dror almighty strong;
+    Some folks, I know, hev gut th' idee thet No'thun dough 'll rise,
+    Though, 'fore I see it riz an' baked, I would n't trust my eyes;
+    'T will take more emptins, a long chalk, than this noo party 's gut,
+    To give sech heavy cakes ez them a start, I tell ye wut.
+    But even ef they caird the day, there would n't be no endurin'
+    To stand upon a platform with sech critters ez Van Buren;--
+    An' his son John, tu, I can't think how thet air chap should dare
+    To speak ez he doos; wy, they say he used to cuss an' swear!
+    I spose he never read the hymn thet tells how down the stairs
+    A feller with long legs wuz throwed thet would n't say his prayers.
+
+    This brings me to another pint: the leaders o' the party
+    Aint jest sech men ez I can act along with free an' hearty;
+    They aint not quite respectable, an' wen a feller's morrils
+    Don't toe the straightest kin' o' mark, wy, him an' me jest quarrils.
+    I went to a free soil meetin' once, an' wut d' ye think I see?
+    A feller wuz aspoutin' there thet act'lly come to me,
+    About two year ago last spring, ez nigh ez I can jedge,
+    An' axed me ef I didn't want to sign the Temprunce pledge!
+    He 's one o' them thet goes about an' sez you hed n't ough' to
+    Drink nothin', mornin', noon, or night, stronger 'an Taunton water.
+    There 's one rule I 've ben guided by, in settlin' how to vote,
+              ollers,--
+    I take the side thet _is n't_ took by them consarned tee-totallers.
+
+    Ez fer the niggers, I 've been South, an' thet hez changed my mind;
+    A lazier, more ungrateful set you could n't nowers find.
+    You know I mentioned in my last thet I should buy a nigger,
+    Ef I could make a purchase at a pooty mod'rate figger;
+    So, ez there 's nothin' in the world I 'm fonder of 'an gunnin',
+    I closed a bargin finally to take a feller runnin'.
+    I shou'dered queen's-arm an' stumped out, an' wen I come t' th' swamp,
+    'T worn't very long afore I gut upon the nest o' Pomp;
+    I come acrost a kin' o' hut, an', playin' round the door,
+    Some little woolly-headed cubs, ez many 'z six or more.
+    At fust I thought o' firin', but _think twice_ is safest ollers;
+    There aint, thinks I, not one on em' but 's wuth his twenty dollars,
+    Or would be, ef I hed 'em back into a Christian land,--
+    How temptin' all on 'em would look upon an auction-stand!
+    (Not but wut _I_ hate Slavery in th' abstract, stem to starn,--
+    I leave it ware our fathers did, a privit State consarn.)
+    Soon 'z they see _me_, they yelled an' run, but Pomp wuz out ahoein'
+    A leetle patch o' corn he hed, or else there aint no knowin'
+    He would n't ha' took a pop at me; but I hed gut the start,
+    An' wen he looked, I vow he groaned ez though he'd broke his heart;
+    He done it like a wite man, tu, ez nat'ral ez a pictur,
+    The imp'dunt, pis'nous hypocrite! wus 'an a boy constrictur.
+    "You can 't gum _me_, I tell ye now, an' so you need n't try,
+    I 'xpect my eye-teeth every mail, so jest shet up," sez I.
+    "Don't go to actin' ugly now, or else I 'll jest let strip,
+    You 'd best draw kindly, seein' 'z how I 've gut ye on the hip;
+    Besides, you darned ole fool, it aint no gret of a disaster
+    To be benev'lently druv back to a contented master,
+    Ware you hed Christian priv'ledges you don't seem quite aware of,
+    Or you 'd ha' never run away from bein' well took care of;
+    Ez fer kin' treatment, wy, he wuz so fond on ye, he said
+    He 'd give a fifty spot right out, to git ye, 'live or dead;
+    Wite folks aint sot by half ez much; 'member I run away,
+    Wen I wuz bound to Cap'n Jakes, to Mattysqumscot bay;
+    Don' know him, likely? Spose not; wal, the mean ole codger went
+    An' offered--wut reward, think? Wal, it worn't no _less_ 'n a cent."
+
+    Wal, I jest gut 'em into line, an druv 'em on afore me,
+    The pis'nous brutes, I 'd no idee o' the ill-will they bore me;
+    We walked till som'ers about noon, an' then it grew so hot
+    I thought it best to camp awile, so I chose out a spot
+    Jest under a magnoly tree, an' there right down I sot;
+    Then I unstrapped my wooden leg, coz it begun to chafe,
+    An' laid it down jest by my side, supposin' all wuz safe;
+    I made my darkies all set down around me in a ring,
+    An' sot an' kin' o' ciphered up how much the lot would bring;
+    But, wile I drinked the peaceful cup of a pure heart an' mind
+    (Mixed with some wiskey, now an' then), Pomp he snaked up behind,
+    An', creepin' grad'lly close tu, ez quiet ez a mink,
+    Jest grabbed my leg, and then pulled foot, quicker 'an you could wink,
+    An', come to look, they each on 'em hed gut behin' a tree,
+    An' Pomp poked out the leg a piece, jest so ez I could see,
+    An' yelled to me to throw away my pistils an' my gun,
+    Or else thet they 'd cair off the leg an' fairly cut the run.
+    I vow I did n't b'lieve there wuz a decent alligatur
+    Thet hed a heart so destitoot o' common human natur;
+    However, ez there worn't no help, I finally gev in
+    An' heft my arms away to git my leg safe back agin.
+    Pomp gethered all the weapins up, an' then he come an' grinned,
+    He showed his ivory some, I guess, an' sez, "You 're fairly pinned;
+    Jest buckle on your leg agin, an' git right up an' come,
+    'T wun't du fer fammerly men like me to be so long from hum."
+    At fust I put my foot right down an' swore I would n't budge.
+    "Jest ez you choose," sez he, quite cool, "either be shot or trudge."
+    So this black-hearted monster took an' act'lly druv me back
+    Along the very feetmarks o' my happy mornin' track,
+    An' kep' me pris'ner 'bout six months, an' worked me, tu, like sin,
+    Till I bed gut his corn an' his Carliny taters in;
+    He made me larn him readin', tu (although the crittur saw
+    How much it hurt my morril sense to act agin the law),
+    So 'st he could read a Bible he 'd gut; an' axed ef I could pint
+    The North Star out; but there I put his nose some out o' jint,
+    Fer I weeled roun' about sou'west, an', lookin' up a bit,
+    Picked out a middlin' shiny one an' tole him thet wuz it.
+    Fin'lly, he took me to the door, an', givin' me a kick,
+    Sez,--"Ef you know wut 's best fer ye, be off, now, double-quick;
+    The winter-time 's a comin' on, an', though I gut ye cheap,
+    You 're so darned lazy, I don't think you 're hardly wuth your keep;
+    Besides, the childrin's growin' up, an' you aint jest the model
+    I 'd like to hev 'em immertate, an' so you 'd better toddle!"
+
+    Now is there any thin' on airth 'll ever prove to me
+    Thet renegader slaves like him air fit fer bein' free?
+    D' you think they 'll suck me in to jine the Buff'lo chaps, an' them
+    Rank infidels thet go agin the Scriptur'l cus o' Shem?
+    Not by a jugfull! sooner 'n thet, I 'd go thru fire an' water;
+    Wen I hev once made up my mind, a meet'nhus aint sotter;
+    No, not though all the crows thet flies to pick my bones wuz cawin',--
+    I guess we 're in a Christian land,--
+
+                                            Yourn,
+
+                                                BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN.
+
+
+[Here, patient reader, we take leave of each other, I trust with some
+mutual satisfaction. I say _patient_, for I love not that kind which
+skims dippingly over the surface of the page, as swallows over a pool
+before rain. By such no pearls shall be gathered. But if no pearls
+there be (as, indeed, the world is not without example of books
+wherefrom the longest-winded diver shall bring up no more than his
+proper handful of mud), yet let us hope that an oyster or two may reward
+adequate perseverance. If neither pearls nor oysters, yet is patience
+itself a gem worth diving deeply for.
+
+It may seem to some that too much space has been usurped by my own
+private lucubrations, and some may be fain to bring against me that old
+jest of him who preached all his hearers out of the meeting-house save
+only the sexton, who, remaining for yet a little space, from a sense of
+official duty, at last gave out also, and, presenting the keys, humbly
+requested our preacher to lock the doors, when he should have wholly
+relieved himself of his testimony. I confess to a satisfaction in the
+self act of preaching, nor do I esteem a discourse to be wholly thrown
+away even upon a sleeping or unintelligent auditory. I cannot easily
+believe that the Gospel of St. John, which Jacques Cartier ordered to be
+read in the Latin tongue to the Canadian savages, upon his first meeting
+with them, fell altogether upon stony ground. For the earnestness of the
+preacher is a sermon appreciable by dullest intellects and most alien
+ears. In this wise did Episcopius convert many to his opinions, who yet
+understood not the language in which he discoursed. The chief thing is,
+that the messenger believe that he has an authentic message to deliver.
+For counterfeit messengers that mode of treatment which Father John de
+Plano Carpini relates to have prevailed among the Tartars would seem
+effectual, and, perhaps, deserved enough. For my own part, I may lay
+claim to so much of the spirit of martyrdom as would have led me to go
+into banishment with those clergymen whom Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal
+drave out of his kingdom for refusing to shorten their pulpit eloquence.
+It is possible, that, having been invited into my brother Biglow's
+desk, I may have been too little scrupulous in using it for the venting
+of my own peculiar doctrines to a congregation drawn together in the
+expectation and with the desire of hearing him.
+
+I am not wholly unconscious of a peculiarity of mental organization
+which impels me, like the railroad-engine with its train of cars, to run
+backward for a short distance in order to obtain a fairer start. I may
+compare myself to one fishing from the rocks when the sea runs high,
+who, misinterpreting the suction of the undertow for the biting of some
+larger fish, jerks suddenly, and finds that he has _caught bottom_,
+hauling in upon the end of his line a trail of various _algæ_, among
+which, nevertheless, the naturalist may haply find somewhat to repay the
+disappointment of the angler. Yet have I conscientiously endeavoured to
+adapt myself to the impatient temper of the age, daily degenerating more
+and more from the high standard of our pristine New England. To the
+catalogue of lost arts I would mournfully add also that of listening to
+two-hour sermons. Surely we have been abridged into a race of pigmies.
+For, truly, in those of the old discourses yet subsisting to us in
+print, the endless spinal column of divisions and subdivisions can be
+likened to nothing so exactly as to the vertebræ of the saurians, whence
+the theorist may conjecture a race of Anakim proportionate to the
+withstanding of these other monsters. I say Anakim rather than Nephelim,
+because there seem reasons for supposing that the race of those whose
+heads (though no giants) are constantly enveloped in clouds (which that
+name imports) will never become extinct. The attempt to vanquish the
+innumerable _heads_ of one of those aforementioned discourses may supply
+us with a plausible interpretation of the second labour of Hercules, and
+his successful experiment with fire affords us a useful precedent.
+
+But while I lament the degeneracy of the age in this regard, I cannot
+refuse to succumb to its influence. Looking out through my study-window,
+I see Mr. Biglow at a distance busy in gathering his Baldwins, of which,
+to judge by the number of barrels lying about under the trees, his crop
+is more abundant than my own,--by which sight I am admonished to turn to
+those orchards of the mind wherein my labours may be more prospered, and
+apply myself diligently to the preparation of my next Sabbath's
+discourse.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+GLOSSARY.
+
+
+ A.
+
+ Act'lly, _actually_.
+
+ Air, _are_.
+
+ Airth, _earth_.
+
+ Airy, _area_.
+
+ Aree, _area_.
+
+ Arter, _after_.
+
+ Ax, _ask_.
+
+
+ B.
+
+ Beller, _bellow_.
+
+ Bellowses, _lunge_.
+
+ Ben, _been_.
+
+ Bile, _boil_.
+
+ Bimeby, _by and by_.
+
+ Blurt out, _to speak bluntly_.
+
+ Bust, _burst_.
+
+ Buster, _a roistering blade_;
+   used also as a general superlative.
+
+
+ C.
+
+ Caird, _carried_.
+
+ Cairn, _carrying_.
+
+ Caleb, _a turncoat_.
+
+ Cal'late, _calculate_.
+
+ Cass, _a person with two lives_.
+
+ Close, _clothes_.
+
+ Cockerel, _a young cock_.
+
+ Cocktail, _a kind of drink_;
+   also, _an ornament peculiar to soldiers_.
+
+ Convention, _a place where people are imposed on_;
+   _a juggler's show_.
+
+ Coons, _a cant term for a now defunct party_;
+   derived, perhaps, from the fact of their being commonly _up a tree_.
+
+ Cornwallis, _a sort of muster in masquerade_;
+   supposed to have had its origin soon after the Revolution, and to
+           commemorate the surrender of Lord Cornwallis. It took the
+           place of the old Guy Fawkes procession.
+
+ Crooked stick, _a perverse, froward person_.
+
+ Cunnle, _a colonel_.
+
+ Cus, _a curse_;
+   also, _a pitiful fellow_.
+
+
+ D.
+
+ Darsn't, used indiscriminately, either in singular or plural number,
+           for _dare not_, _dares not_, and _dared not_.
+
+ Deacon off, _to give the cue to_;
+   derived from a custom, once universal, but now extinct, in our New
+           England Congregational churches. An important part of the
+           office of deacon was to read aloud the hymns _given out_ by
+           the minister, one line at a time, the congregation singing
+           each line as soon as read.
+
+ Demmercrat, leadin', _one in favour of extending slavery_;
+   _a free-trade lecturer maintained in the custom-house_.
+
+ Desput, _desperate_.
+
+ Doos, _does_.
+
+ Doughface, _a contented lick-spittle_;
+   a common variety of Northern politician.
+
+ Dror, _draw_.
+
+ Du, _do_.
+
+ Dunno, dno, _do not_ or _does not know_.
+
+ Dut, _dirt_.
+
+
+ E.
+
+ Eend, _end_.
+
+ Ef, _if_.
+
+ Emptins, _yeast_.
+
+ Env'y, _envoy_.
+
+ Everlasting, an intensive, without reference to duration.
+
+ Ev'y, _every_.
+
+ Ez, _as_.
+
+
+ F.
+
+ Fer, _for_.
+
+ Ferfle, ferful, _fearful_;
+   also an intensive.
+
+ Fin', _find_.
+
+ Fish-skin, used in New England to clarify coffee.
+
+ Fix, _a difficulty_, _a nonplus_.
+
+ Foller, folly, _to follow_.
+
+ Forrerd, _forward_.
+
+ Frum, _from_.
+
+ Fur, _far_.
+
+ Furder, _farther_.
+
+ Furrer, _furrow_.
+   Metaphorically, _to draw a straight furrow_ is to live uprightly
+           or decorously.
+
+ Fust, _first_.
+
+
+ G.
+
+ Gin, _gave_.
+
+ Git, _get_.
+
+ Gret, _great_.
+
+ Grit, _spirit_, _energy_, _pluck_.
+
+ Grout, _to sulk_.
+
+ Grouty, _crabbed_, _surly_.
+
+ Gum, _to impose on_.
+
+ Gump, _a foolish fellow_, _a dullard_.
+
+ Gut, _got_.
+
+
+ H.
+
+ Hed, _had_.
+
+ Heern, _heard_.
+
+ Hellum, _helm_.
+
+ Hendy, _handy_.
+
+ Het, _heated_.
+
+ Hev, _have_.
+
+ Hez, _has_.
+
+ Holl, _whole_.
+
+ Holt, _hold_.
+
+ Huf, _hoof_.
+
+ Hull, _whole_.
+
+ Hum, _home_.
+
+ Humbug, _General Taylor's antislavery_.
+
+ Hut, _hurt_.
+
+
+ I.
+
+ Idno, _I do not know_.
+
+ In'my, _enemy_.
+
+ Insines, _ensigns_;
+   used to designate both the officer who carries the standard, and the
+           standard itself.
+
+ Inter, intu, _into_.
+
+
+ J.
+
+ Jedge, _judge_.
+
+ Jest, _just_.
+
+ Jine, _join_.
+
+ Jint, _joint_.
+
+ Junk, _a fragment of any solid substance_.
+
+
+ K.
+
+ Keer, _care_.
+
+ Kep, _kept_.
+
+ Killock, _a small anchor_.
+
+ Kin', kin' o', kinder, _kind_, _kind of_.
+
+
+ L.
+
+ Lawth, _loath_.
+
+ Let day-light into, _to shoot_.
+
+ Let on, _to hint_, _to confess_, _to own_.
+
+ Lick, _to beat_, _to overcome_.
+
+ Lights, _the bowels_.
+
+ Lily-pads, _leaves of the water-lily_.
+
+ Long-sweetening, _molasses_.
+
+ Loon, _the northern diver_.
+
+
+ M.
+
+ Mash, _marsh_.
+
+ Mean, _stingy_, _ill-natured_.
+
+ Min', _mind_.
+
+
+ N.
+
+ Ned, a slang phrase, going it like Ned, equivalent to our 'going like
+           old Harry.'
+
+ Nimepunce, _ninepence_, _twelve and a half cents_.
+
+ Nowers, _nowhere_.
+
+
+ O.
+
+ Offen, _often_.
+
+ Ole, _old_.
+
+ Ollers, olluz, _always_.
+
+ On, _of_;
+   used before _it_ or _them_, or at the end of a sentence, as _on 't_,
+           _on 'em_, _nut ez ever I heerd on_.
+
+ On'y, _only_.
+
+ Ossifer, _officer_ (seldom heard).
+
+
+ P.
+
+ Peaked, _pointed_.
+
+ Peek, _to peep_.
+
+ Pickerel, _the pike, a fish_.
+
+ Pint, _point_.
+
+ Pocket full of rocks, _plenty of money_.
+
+ Pooty, _pretty_.
+
+ Pop'ler, _conceited_, _popular_.
+
+ Pus, _purse_.
+
+ Put out, _troubled_, _vexed_.
+
+
+ Q.
+
+ Quarter, _a quarter-dollar_.
+
+ Queen's arm, _a musket_.
+
+
+ R.
+
+ Resh, _rush_.
+
+ Revelee, _the réveille_.
+
+ Rile, _to trouble_.
+
+ Riled, _angry_;
+   _disturbed_, as the sediment in any liquid.
+
+ Riz, _risen_.
+
+ Row, a long row to hoe, _a difficult task_.
+
+ Rugged, _robust_.
+
+ Row-de-dow, _troublesome talk_.
+
+
+ S.
+
+ Sarse, _abuse_, _impertinence_.
+
+ Sartin, _certain_.
+
+ Saxon, _sacristan_, _sexton_.
+
+ Scaliest, _worst_.
+
+ Scringe, _cringe_.
+
+ Scrouge, _to crowd_.
+
+ Sech, _such_.
+
+ Set by, _valued_.
+
+ Shakes, great, _of considerable consequence_.
+
+ Shappoes, _chapeaux_, _cocked-hats_.
+
+ Sheer, _share_.
+
+ Shet, _shut_.
+
+ Shine, _a fancy or liking_, also written _shindy_.
+
+ Shut, _shirt_.
+
+ Skeered, _scared_.
+
+ Skeeter, _mosquito_.
+
+ Skooting, _running_ or _moving swiftly_.
+
+ Slarterin', _slaughtering_.
+
+ Slim, _contemptible_.
+
+ Snaked, _crawled like a snake_;
+   but _to snake any one out_, is to track him to his hiding-place;
+   _to snake a thing out_ is to snatch it out.
+
+ Soffies, _sofas_.
+
+ Sogerin', _soldiering_;
+   a barbarous amusement common among men in the savage state.
+
+ Som'ers, _somewhere_.
+
+ So 'st, _so as that_.
+
+ Sot, _set_, _obstinate_, _resolute_.
+
+ Spiles, _spoils_; _objects of political ambition_.
+
+ Spry, _active_.
+
+ Staddles, _stout stakes driven into the salt marshes_, on which the
+           hay-ricks are set, and thus raised out of the reach of high
+           tides.
+
+ Streaked, _uncomfortable_, _discomfited_.
+
+ Suckle, _circle_.
+
+ Sutthin', _something_.
+
+ Suttin, _certain_.
+
+ Swan, _to swear_.
+
+
+ T.
+
+ Take on, _to sorrow_.
+
+ Talents, _talons_.
+
+ Taters, _potatoes_.
+
+ Tell, _till_.
+
+ Tetch, _touch_.
+
+ Tetch tu, _to be able_;
+   used always after a negative in this sense.
+
+ Tollable, _tolerable_.
+
+ Toot, used derisively _for playing on any wind instrument_.
+
+ Thru, _through_.
+
+ Thundering, a euphemism common in New England, for the profane English
+           expression _devilish_. Perhaps derived from the belief,
+           common formerly, that thunder was caused by the Prince of
+           the Air, for some of whose accomplishments consult Cotton
+           Mather.
+
+ Tu, _to_, _too_;
+   commonly has this sound when used emphatically, or at the end of a
+           sentence. At other times it has the sound of _t_ in _tough_,
+           as _Ware ye goin' tu? Goin' ta Boston_.
+
+
+ U.
+
+ Ugly, _ill-tempered_, _intractable_.
+
+ Uncle Sam, _United States_;
+   the largest boaster of liberty and owner of slaves.
+
+ Unrizzest, applied to dough or bread;
+   _heavy_, _most unrisen_, or _most incapable of rising_.
+
+
+ V
+
+ V spot, _a five-dollar bill_.
+
+ Vally, _value_.
+
+
+ W.
+
+ Wake snakes, _to get into trouble_.
+
+ Wal, _well_;
+   spoken with great deliberation, and sometimes with the _a_ very much
+           flattened, sometimes (but more seldom) very much broadened.
+
+ Wannut, _walnut_ (_hickory_).
+
+ Ware, _where_.
+
+ Ware, _were_.
+
+ Whopper, _an uncommonly large lie_;
+   as, that General Taylor is in favour of the Wilmot Proviso.
+
+ Wig, _Whig_;
+   a party now dissolved.
+
+ Wiz, _to whiz_;
+   _go off_ (like a rocket).
+
+ Wunt, _will not_.
+
+ Wus, _worse_.
+
+ Wut, _what_.
+
+ Wuth, _worth_;
+   as, _Antislavery perfessions 'fore 'lection aint wuth a Bungtown
+           copper_.
+
+ Wuz, _was_, sometimes _were_.
+
+
+ Y.
+
+ Yaller, _yellow_.
+
+ Yeller, _yellow_.
+
+ Yellers, _a disease of peach-trees_.
+
+
+ Z.
+
+ Zach, Ole, _a second Washington_, _an antislavery slaveholder_, _a
+           humane buyer and seller of men and women_, _a Christian hero
+           generally_.
+
+
+
+
+INDEX.
+
+
+ A. B., information wanted concerning, 76.
+
+ Adam, eldest son of, respected, 10.
+
+ Æneas goes to hell, 101.
+
+ Æolus, a seller of money, as is supposed by some, 101.
+
+ Æschylus, a saying of, 51, _note_.
+
+ Alligator, a decent one conjectured to be, in some sort, humane, 120.
+
+ Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal, tyrannical act of, 120.
+
+ Ambrose, Saint, excellent (but rationalistic) sentiment of, 35.
+
+ "American Citizen," new compost so called, 104.
+
+ American Eagle, a source of inspiration, 45
+   --hitherto wrongly classed, 51
+   --long bill of, 51.
+
+ Amos, cited, 34.
+
+ Anakim, that they formerly existed, shown, 124.
+
+ Angels, providentially speak French, 23
+   --conjectured to be skilled in all tongues, _ib._
+
+ Anglo-Saxondom, its idea, what, 21.
+
+ Anglo-Saxon mask, 21.
+
+ Anglo-Saxon race, 16.
+
+ Anglo-Saxon verse, by whom carried to perfection, 11.
+
+ Antonius, a speech of, 40
+   --by whom best reported, _ib._
+
+ Apocalypse, beast in, magnetic to theologians, 83.
+
+ Apollo, confessed mortal by his own oracle, 83.
+
+ Apollyon, his tragedies popular, 72.
+
+ Appian, an Alexandrian, not equal to Shakspeare as an orator, 40.
+
+ Ararat, ignorance of foreign tongues is an, 53.
+
+ Arcadian background, 106.
+
+ Aristophanes, 34.
+
+ Arms, profession of, once esteemed especially that of gentlemen, 10.
+
+ Arnold, 42.
+
+ Ashland, 106.
+
+ Astor, Jacob, a rich man, 91.
+
+ Astræa, nineteenth century forsaken by, 102.
+
+ Athenians, ancient, an institution of, 41.
+
+ Atherton, Senator, envies the loon, 60.
+
+ Austin, St., profane wish of, 43, _note_.
+
+ Aye-Aye, the, an African animal, America supposed to be settled by, 25.
+
+
+ Babel, probably the first Congress, 53
+   --a gabble-mill, _ib._
+
+ Baby, a low-priced one, 98.
+
+ Bagowind, Hon. Mr., whether to be damned, 63.
+
+ Baldwin apples, 125.
+
+ Baratarias, real or imaginary, which most pleasant, 102.
+
+ Barnum, a great natural curiosity recommended to, 49.
+
+ Barrels, an inference from seeing, 125.
+
+ Bâton Rouge, 106
+   --strange peculiarities of labourers at, 107.
+
+ Baxter, R., a saying of, 35.
+
+ Bay, Mattysqumscot, 119.
+
+ Bay State, singular effect produced on military officers by leaving
+           it, 21.
+
+ Beast in Apocalypse, a loadstone, for whom, 83.
+
+ Beelzebub, his rigadoon, 61.
+
+ Behmen, his letters not letters, 76.
+
+ Bellers, a saloon-keeper, 111
+   --inhumanly refuses credit to a presidential candidate, 112.
+
+ Biglow, Ezekiel, his letter to Hon. J. T. Buckingham, 1
+   --never heard of any one named Mundishes, 2
+   --nearly four-score years old, _ib._
+   --his aunt Keziah, a notable saying of, 3.
+
+ Biglow, Hosea, excited by composition, 2
+   --a poem by, 3, 66
+   --his opinion of war, 4
+   --wanted at home by Nancy, 7
+   --recommends a forcible enlistment of warlike editors, _ib._
+   --would not wonder, if generally agreed with, 9
+   --versifies letter of Mr. Sawin, 11
+   --a letter from, 12, 57, 77
+   --his opinion of Mr. Sawin, 12
+   --does not deny fun at Cornwallis, 14, _note_
+   --his idea of militia glory, 17, _note_
+   --a pun of, 18, _note_
+   --is uncertain in regard to people of Boston, _ib._
+   --had never heard of Mr. John P. Robinson, 27
+   --_aliquid sufflaminandus_, 28
+   --his poems attributed to a Mr. Lowell, 33
+   --is unskilled in Latin, _ib._
+   --his poetry maligned by some, 34
+   --his disinterestedness, _ib._
+   --his deep share in commonweal, _ib._
+   --his claim to the presidency, _ib._
+   --his mowing, _ib._
+   --resents being called Whig, 35
+   --opposed to tariff, _ib._
+   --obstinate, _ib._
+   --infected with peculiar notions, _ib._
+   --reports a speech, 40
+   --emulates historians of antiquity, _ib._
+   --his character sketched from a hostile point of view, 52
+   --a request of his complied with, 64
+   --appointed at a public meeting in Jaalam, 77
+   --confesses ignorance, in one minute particular, of propriety, _ib._
+   --his opinion of cocked hats, _ib._
+   --letter to, _ib._
+   --called "Dear Sir," by a general, _ib._
+   --probably receives same compliment from two hundred and nine, _ib._
+   --picks his apples, 125
+   --his crop of Baldwins conjecturally large, _ib._
+
+ Billings, Dea. Cephas, 14.
+
+ Birch, virtue of, in instilling certain of the dead languages, 100.
+
+ Bird of our country sings hosanna, 16.
+
+ Blind, to go it, 98.
+
+ Blitz pulls ribbons from his mouth, 16.
+
+ Bluenose potatoes, smell of, eagerly desired, 17.
+
+ Bobtail obtains a cardinal's hat, 25.
+
+ Bolles, Mr. Secondary, author of prize peace essay, 15
+   --presents sword to Lieutenant Colonel, _ib._
+   --a fluent orator, _ib._
+   --found to be in error, 17.
+
+ Bonaparte, N., a usurper, 83.
+
+ Boot-trees, productive, where, 100.
+
+ Boston, people of, supposed educated, 18, _note_.
+
+ Brahmins, navel-contemplating, 74.
+
+ Bread-trees, 100.
+
+ Brigadier-Generals in militia, devotion of, 38.
+
+ Brown, Mr., engages in an unequal contest, 63.
+
+ Browne, Sir T., a pious and wise sentiment of, cited and commended, 11.
+
+ Buckingham, Hon. J. T., editor of the Boston Courier, letters to, 1,
+           12, 33, 57
+   --not afraid, 13.
+
+ Buffalo, a plan hatched there, 115
+   --plaster, a prophecy in regard to, _ib._
+
+ Buncombe, in the other world supposed, 41.
+
+ Bung, the eternal, thought to be loose, 7.
+
+ Bungtown Fencibles, dinner of, 26.
+
+ Butter in Irish bogs, 100.
+
+
+ C., General, commended for parts, 29
+   --for ubiquity, _ib._
+   --for consistency, _ib._
+   --for fidelity, _ib._
+   --is in favour of war, _ib._
+   --his curious valuation of principle, _ib._
+
+ Cæsar, tribute to, 66
+   --his _veni, vidi, vici_, censured for undue prolixity, 85.
+
+ Cainites, sect of, supposed still extant, 10.
+
+ Caleb, a monopoly of his denied, 15
+   --curious notions of, as to meaning of "shelter," 19
+   --his definition of Anglo-Saxon, 20
+   --charges Mexicans (not with bayonets, but) with improprieties, _ib._
+
+ Calhoun, Hon. J. C., his cow-bell curfew, light of the nineteenth
+           century to be extinguished at sound of, 55
+   --cannot let go apron-string of the Past, _ib._
+   --his unsuccessful tilt at Spirit of the Age, 56
+   --the Sir Kay of modern chivalry, _ib._
+   --his anchor made of a crooked pin, 57
+   --mentioned, 58-61.
+
+ Cambridge Platform, use discovered for, 24.
+
+ Canary Islands, 100.
+
+ Candidate, presidential, letter from, 74
+   --smells a rat, 78
+   --against a bank, 79
+   --takes a revolving position, _ib._
+   --opinion of pledges, 80
+   --is a periwig, _ib._
+   --fronts south by north, 81
+   --qualifications of, lessening, 85
+   --wooden leg (and head) useful to, 96.
+
+ Cape Cod clergymen, what, 24
+   --Sabbath-breakers, perhaps, reproved by, _ib._
+
+ Carpini, Father John de Plano, among the Tartars, 123.
+
+ Cartier, Jacques, commendable zeal of, 123.
+
+ Cass, General, 59
+   --clearness of his merit, 60
+   --limited popularity at "Bellers's," 111.
+
+ Castles, Spanish, comfortable accommodations in, 102.
+
+ Cato, letters of, so called, suspended _naso adunco_, 76.
+
+ C. D., friends of, can hear of him, 76.
+
+ Chalk egg, we are proud of incubation of, 75.
+
+ Chappelow on Job, a copy of, lost, 65.
+
+ Cherubusco, news of, its effects on English royalty, 50.
+
+ Chesterfield no letter-writer, 76.
+
+ Chief Magistrate, dancing esteemed sinful by, 24.
+
+ Children naturally speak Hebrew, 11.
+
+ China-tree, 100.
+
+ Chinese, whether they invented gunpowder before the Christian era,
+           _not_ considered, 25.
+
+ Choate hired, 113.
+
+ Christ shuffled into Apocrypha, 25
+   --conjectured to disapprove of slaughter and pillage, 30
+   --condemns a certain piece of barbarism, 63.
+
+ Christianity, profession of, plebian, whether, 10.
+
+ Christian soldiers, perhaps inconsistent, whether, 38.
+
+ Cicero, an opinion of, disputed, 84.
+
+ Cilley, Ensign, author of nefarious sentiment, 26.
+
+ _Cimex lectularius_, 18.
+
+ Cincinnatus, a stock character in modern comedy, 106.
+
+ Civilization, progress of, an _alias_, 65
+   --rides upon a powder-cart, 79.
+
+ Clergymen, their ill husbandry, 64
+   --their place in processions, 105
+   --some, cruelly banished for the soundness of their lungs, 123.
+
+ Cocked-hat, advantages of being knocked into, 77.
+
+ College of Cardinals, a strange one, 25.
+
+ Colman, Dr. Benjamin, anecdote of, 38.
+
+ Coloured folks, curious national diversion of kicking, 19.
+
+ Colquitt, a remark of, 60
+   --acquainted with some principles of aerostation, _ib._
+
+ Columbia, District of, its peculiar climatic effects, 44
+   --not certain that Martin is for abolishing it, 115.
+
+ Columbus, a Paul Pry of genius, 74.
+
+ Columby, 109.
+
+ Complete Letter-Writer, fatal gift of, 82.
+
+ Compostella, St. James of, seen, 22.
+
+ Congress, singular consequence of getting into, 43.
+
+ Congressional debates, found instructive, 53.
+
+ Constituents, useful for what, 44.
+
+ Constitution trampled on, 58
+   --to stand upon, what, 78.
+
+ Convention, what, 44.
+
+ Convention, Springfield, 44.
+
+ Coon, old, pleasure in skinning, 59.
+
+ Coppers, _caste_ in picking up of, 94.
+
+ Copres, a monk, his excellent method of arguing, 54.
+
+ Cornwallis, a, 14
+   --acknowledged entertaining, _ib._, _note_.
+
+ Cotton Mather, summoned as witness, 23.
+
+ Country lawyers, sent providentially, 31.
+
+ Country, our, its boundaries more exactly defined, 32
+   --right or wrong, nonsense about exposed, _ib._
+
+ Courier, The Boston, an unsafe print, 52.
+
+ Court, General, farmers sometimes attain seats in, 107.
+
+ Cowper, W., his letters commended, 76.
+
+ Creed, a safe kind of, 97.
+
+ Crusade, first American, 23.
+
+ Cuneiform script recommended, 85.
+
+ Curiosity distinguishes man from brutes, 74.
+
+
+ Davis, Mr., of Mississippi, a remark of his, 59.
+
+ Day and Martin, proverbially "on hand," 2.
+
+ Death, rings down curtain, 72.
+
+ Delphi, oracle of, surpassed, 51, _note_
+   --alluded to, 83.
+
+ Destiny, her account, 49.
+
+ Devil, the, unskilled in certain Indian tongues, 23.
+
+ Dey of Tripoli, 55.
+
+ Diaz, Bernal, has a vision, 22
+   --his relationship to the Scarlet Woman, _ib._
+
+ Didymus, a somewhat voluminous grammarian, 83.
+
+ Dighton rock character might be usefully employed in some emergencies, 84.
+
+ Dimitry Bruisgins, fresh supply of, 73.
+
+ Diogenes, his zeal for propagating certain variety of olive, 100.
+
+ Dioscuri, imps of the pit, 23.
+
+ District-Attorney, contemptible conduct of one, 55.
+
+ Ditchwater on brain, a too common ailing, 54.
+
+ Doctor, the, a proverbial saying of, 22.
+
+ Doughface, yeast-proof, 69.
+
+ Drayton, a martyr, 55
+   --north star, culpable for aiding, whether, 62.
+
+
+ Earth, Dame, a peep at her housekeeping, 56.
+
+ Eating words, habit of, convenient in time of famine, 49.
+
+ Eavesdroppers, 74.
+
+ Editor, his position, 64
+   --commanding pulpit of, _ib._
+   --large congregation of, _ib._
+   --name derived from what, 66
+   --fondness for mutton, _ib._
+   --a pious one, his creed, _ib._
+   --a showman, 71
+   --in danger of sudden arrest, without bail, 72.
+
+ Editors, certain ones who crow like cockerels, 7.
+
+ Egyptian darkness, phial of, use for, 84.
+
+ Eldorado, Mr. Sawin sets sail for, 100.
+
+ Elizabeth, Queen, mistake of her ambassador, 41.
+
+ Empedocles, 74.
+
+ Employment, regular, a good thing, 93.
+
+ Epaulets, perhaps no badge of saint-ship, 30.
+
+ Episcopius, his marvellous oratory, 123.
+
+ Eric, king of Sweden, his cap, 101.
+
+ Evangelists, iron ones, 24.
+
+ Eyelids, a divine shield against authors, 54.
+
+ Ezekiel, text taken from, 64.
+
+
+ Factory-girls, expected rebellion of, 60.
+
+ Family-trees, fruit of jejune, 100.
+
+ Faneuil Hall, a place where persons tap themselves for a species of
+           hydrocephalus, 54
+   --a bill of fare mendaciously advertised in, 100.
+
+ Father of country, his shoes, 108.
+
+ Female Papists, cut off in midst of idolatry, 104.
+
+ Fire, we all like to play with it, 56.
+
+ Fish, emblematic, but disregarded, where, 54.
+
+ Flam, President, untrustworthy, 45.
+
+ Fly-leaves, providential increase of, 54.
+
+ Foote, Mr., his taste for field-sports, 58.
+
+ Fourier, a squinting toward, 52.
+
+ Fourth of Julys, boiling, 42.
+
+ France, a strange dance begun in, 61.
+
+ Fuller, Dr. Thomas, a wise saying of, 28.
+
+ Funnel, Old, hurraing in, 15.
+
+
+ Gawain, Sir, his amusements, 56.
+
+ Gay, S. H., Esquire, editor of National Antislavery Standard, letter
+           to, 74.
+
+ Getting up early, 4, 20.
+
+ Ghosts, some, presumed fidgety, (but see Stilling's Pneumatology,) 75.
+
+ Giants formerly stupid, 56.
+
+ Gift of Tongues, distressing case of, 53.
+
+ Globe Theatre, cheap season-ticket to, 72.
+
+ Glory, a perquisite of officers, 94
+   --her account with B. Sawin, Esq., 99.
+
+ Goatsnose, the celebrated interview, with, 84.
+
+ Gray's letters _are_ letters, 76.
+
+ Great horn spoon, sworn by, 58.
+
+ Greeks, ancient, whether they questioned candidates, 84.
+
+ Green Man, sign of, 35.
+
+
+ Ham, sandwich, an orthodox (but peculiar) one, 62.
+
+ Hamlets, machine for making, 87.
+
+ Hammon, 51, _note_, 83.
+
+ Hannegan, Mr., something said by, 59.
+
+ Harrison, General, how preserved, 82.
+
+ Hat-trees, in full bearing, 100.
+
+ Hawkins, Sir John, stout, something he saw, 100.
+
+ Henry the Fourth, of England, a Parliament of, how named, 41.
+
+ Hercules, his second labour probably what, 124.
+
+ Herodotus, story from, 11.
+
+ Hesperides, an inference from, 100.
+
+ Holden, Mr. Shearjashub, Preceptor of Jaalam Academy, 83
+   --his knowledge of Greek limited, _ib._
+   --a heresy of his, _ib._
+   --leaves a fund to propagate it, 84.
+
+ Hollis, Ezra, goes to a Cornwallis, 14.
+
+ Hollow, why men providentially so constructed, 42.
+
+ Homer, a phrase of, cited, 65.
+
+ Horners, democratic ones, plums left for, 46.
+
+ Howell, James, Esq. story told by, 41
+   --letters of, commended, 76.
+
+ Human rights out of order on the floor of Congress, 58.
+
+ Humbug, ascription of praise to, 70
+   --generally believed in, _ib._
+
+ Husbandry, instance of bad, 28.
+
+
+ Icarius, Penelope's father, 32.
+
+ Infants, prattlings of, curious observation concerning, 11.
+
+ Information wanted (universally, but especially at page), 76.
+
+
+ Jaalam Centre, Anglo-Saxons unjustly suspected by the young ladies
+           there, 21
+   --"Independent Blunderbuss," strange conduct of editor of, 64
+   --public meeting at, 77.
+
+ Jaalam Point, light-house on charge of prospectively offered to Mr. H.
+           Biglow, 81
+   --meeting-house ornamented with imaginary clock, 102.
+
+ Jakes, Captain, 119
+   --reproved for avarice, _ib._
+
+ James the Fourth of Scots, experiment by, 11.
+
+ Jarnagin, Mr., his opinion of the completeness of Northern education, 60.
+
+ Jerome, Saint, his list of sacred writers, 76.
+
+ Job, Book of, 10
+   --Chappelow on, 65.
+
+ Johnson, Mr., communicates some intelligence, 61.
+
+ Jonah, the inevitable destiny of, 62
+   --probably studied internal economy of the cetacea, 75.
+
+ Jortin, Dr., cited 39, 51, _note_.
+
+ Judea, everything not known there, 31.
+
+ Juvenal, a saying of, 50, _note_.
+
+
+ Kay, Sir, the, of modern chivalry, who, 56.
+
+ Key, brazen one, 55.
+
+ Keziah, Aunt, profound observation of, 3.
+
+ Kinderhook, 106.
+
+ Kingdom Come, march to, easy, 89.
+
+ Königsmark, Count, 10.
+
+
+ Lamb, Charles, his epistolary excellence, 76.
+
+ Latimer, Bishop, episcopizes Satan, 10.
+
+ Latin tongue, curious information concerning, 33.
+
+ Launcelot, Sir, a trusser of giants formerly, perhaps would find less
+           sport therein now, 56.
+
+ Letters classed, 76
+   --their shape, _ib._
+   --of candidates, 81
+   --often fatal, 82.
+
+ Lewis Philip, a scourger of young native Americans, 50
+   --commiserated (though not deserving it,) 51, _note_.
+
+ Liberator, a newspaper, condemned by implication, 35.
+
+ Liberty unwholesome for men of certain complexions, 66.
+
+ Lignum vitæ, a gift of this valuable wood proposed, 22.
+
+ Longinus recommends swearing, 13, _note_ (Fuseli did same thing).
+
+ Long sweetening recommended, 90.
+
+ Lost arts, one sorrowfully added to list of, 124.
+
+ Louis the Eleventh of France, some odd trees of his, 100.
+
+ Lowell, Mr. J. R., unaccountable silence of, 33.
+
+ Luther, Martin, his first appearance as Europa, 22.
+
+ Lyttelton, Lord, his letters, an imposition, 76.
+
+
+ Macrobii, their diplomacy, 84.
+
+ Mahomet, got nearer Sinai than some, 66.
+
+ Mahound, his filthy gobbets, 23.
+
+ Mangum, Mr., speaks to the point, 58.
+
+ Manichæan, excellently confuted, 54.
+
+ Man-trees, grew where, 100.
+
+ Mares'-nests, finders of, benevolent, 75.
+
+ Marshfield, 106, 113.
+
+ Martin, Mr. Sawin used to vote for him, 115.
+
+ Mason and Dixon's line, slaves north of, 58.
+
+ Mass, the, its duty defined, 59.
+
+ Massachusetts, on her knees, 8
+   --something mentioned in connection with, worthy the attention of
+           tailors, 44
+   --citizen of, baked, boiled, and roasted (_nefandum!_), 95.
+
+ Masses, the, used as butter by some, 46.
+
+ M. C., an invertebrate animal, 49.
+
+ Mechanics' Fair, reflections suggested at, 87.
+
+ Mentor, letters of, dreary, 76.
+
+ Mephistopheles at a nonplus, 62.
+
+ Mexican blood, its effect in raising price of cloth, 103.
+
+ Mexican polka, 24.
+
+ Mexicans charged with various breaches of etiquette, 22
+   --kind feelings beaten into them, 70.
+
+ Mexico, no glory in overcoming, 45.
+
+ Military glory spoken disrespectfully of, 17, _note_
+   --militia treated still worse, _ib._
+
+ Milk-trees, growing still, 100.
+
+ Mills for manufacturing gabble, how driven, 53.
+
+ Milton, an unconscious plagiary, 43, _note_
+   --a Latin verse of, cited, 66.
+
+ Missions, a profitable kind of, 67.
+
+ Monarch, a pagan, probably not favoured in philosophical experiments, 12.
+
+ Money-trees desirable, 100
+   --that they once existed shown to be variously probable, _ib._
+
+ Montaigne, a communicative old Gascon, 75.
+
+ Monterey, battle of, its singular chromatic effect on a species of
+           two-headed eagle, 50.
+
+ Moses held up vainly as an example, 65
+   --construed by Joe Smith, _ib._
+
+ Myths, how to interpret readily, 84.
+
+
+ Naboths, Popish ones, how distinguished, 25.
+
+ Nation, rights of, proportionate to size, 20.
+
+ National pudding, its effect on the organs of speech, a curious
+           physiological fact, 25.
+
+ Nephelim, not yet extinct, 124.
+
+ New England overpoweringly honoured, 48
+   --wants no more speakers, _ib._
+   --done brown by whom, _ib._
+   --her experience in beans beyond Cicero's, 84.
+
+ Newspaper, the, wonderful, 70
+   --a strolling theatre, 71
+   --thoughts suggested by tearing wrapper of, 72
+   --a vacant sheet, _ib._
+   --a sheet in which a vision was let down, 73
+   --wrapper to a bar of soap, _ib._
+   --a cheap impromptu platter, _ib._
+
+ New York, Letters from, commended, 76.
+
+ Next life, what, 72.
+
+ Niggers, 5
+   --area of abusing extended, 46
+   --Mr. Sawin's opinions of, 117.
+
+ Ninepence a day low for murder, 14.
+
+ No, a monosyllable, 25
+   --hard to utter, _ib._
+
+ Noah, inclosed letter in bottle, probably, 75.
+
+ Nornas, Lapland, what, 101.
+
+ North, has no business, 58
+   --bristling, crowded off roost, 81.
+
+ North Bend, geese inhumanly treated at, 82
+   --mentioned, 113.
+
+ North Star, a proposition to indict, 62.
+
+
+ Off ox, 70.
+
+ Officers, miraculous transformation in character of, 21
+   --Anglo-Saxon, come very near being anathematized, 22.
+
+ O'Phace, Increase D., Esq., speech of, 40.
+
+ Oracle of Fools, still respectfully consulted, 41.
+
+ Orion, becomes commonplace, 73.
+
+ Orrery, Lord, his letters (lord!), 76.
+
+ Ostracism, curious species of, 41.
+
+
+ Palestine, 23.
+
+ Palfrey, Hon. J. G., 41, 50 (a worthy representative of Massachusetts.)
+
+ Pantagruel recommends a popular oracle, 41.
+
+ Panurge, his interview with Goatsnose, 84.
+
+ Papists, female, slain by zealous Protestant bomb-shell, 104.
+
+ Paralipomenon, a man suspected of being, 82.
+
+ Paris, liberal principles safe as far away as, 66.
+
+ _Parliamentum Indoctorum_ sitting in permanence, 44.
+
+ Past, the, a good nurse, 55.
+
+ Patience, sister, quoted, 16.
+
+ Paynims, their throats propagandistically cut, 23.
+
+ Penelope, her wise choice, 32.
+
+ People, soft enough, 68
+   --want correct ideas, 97.
+
+ Pepin, King, 76.
+
+ Periwig, 80.
+
+ Persius, a pithy saying of, 46, _note_.
+
+ Pescara, Marquis, saying of, 10.
+
+ Peter, Saint, a letter of (_post-mortem_), 76.
+
+ Pharisees, opprobriously referred to, 66.
+
+ Philippe, Louis, in pea-jacket, 71.
+
+ Phlegyas quoted, 63.
+
+ Phrygian language, whether Adam spoke it, 11.
+
+ Pilgrims, the, 45.
+
+ Pillows, constitutional, 49.
+
+ Pinto, Mr., some letters of his commended, 76.
+
+ Pisgah, an impromptu one, 100.
+
+ Platform, party, a convenient one, 97.
+
+ Plato, supped with, 75
+   --his man, 82.
+
+ Pleiades, the, not enough esteemed, 73.
+
+ Pliny, his letters not admired, 76.
+
+ Plotinus, a story of, 55.
+
+ Plymouth Rock, Old, a Convention wrecked on, 45.
+
+ Point Tribulation, Mr. Sawin wrecked on, 100.
+
+ Poles, exile, whether crop of beans depends on, 19, _note_.
+
+ Polk, President, synonymous with our country, 30
+   --censured, 44
+   --in danger of being crushed, 46.
+
+ Polka, Mexican, 24.
+
+ Pomp, a runaway slave, his nest, 117
+   --hypocritically groans like white man, 118
+   --blind to Christian privileges, 119
+   --his society valued at fifty dollars, _ib._
+   --his treachery, 120
+   --takes Mr. Sawin prisoner, 121
+   --cruelly makes him work, _ib._
+   --puts himself illegally under his tuition, 122
+   --dismisses him with contumelious epithets, _ib._
+
+ Pontifical bull, a tamed one, 22.
+
+ Pope, his verse excellent, 11.
+
+ Pork, refractory in boiling, 22.
+
+ Portugal, Alphonso the Sixth of, a monster, 123.
+
+ Post, Boston, 33
+   --shaken visibly, 34
+   --bad guide-post, _ib._
+   --too swift, _ib._
+   --edited by a colonel, _ib._
+   --who is presumed officially in Mexico, _ib._
+   --referred to, 59.
+
+ Pot-hooks, death in, 59.
+
+ Preacher, an ornamental symbol, 65
+   --a breeder of dogmas, _ib._
+   --earnestness of, important, 123.
+
+ Present, considered as an annalist, 65
+   --not long wonderful, 73.
+
+ President, slaveholding natural to, 66
+   --must be a Southern resident, 98
+   --must own a nigger, _ib._
+
+ Principle, exposure spoils it, 43.
+
+ Principles, bad, when less harmful, 27.
+
+ Prophecy, a notable one, 51, _note_.
+
+ Proviso, bitterly spoken of, 79.
+
+ Prudence, sister, her idiosyncratic teapot, 92.
+
+ Psammeticus, an experiment of, 11.
+
+ Public opinion a blind and drunken guide, 25
+   --nudges Mr. Wilbur's elbow, 26
+   --ticklers of, 45.
+
+ Pythagoras a bean-hater, why, 84.
+
+ Pythagoreans, fish reverenced by, why, 54.
+
+
+ Quixote, Don, 57.
+
+
+ Rag, one of sacred college, 25.
+
+ Rantoul, Mr., talks loudly, 16
+   --pious reason for not enlisting, _ib._
+
+ Recruiting sergeant, Devil supposed the first, 10.
+
+ Representatives' Chamber, 54.
+
+ Rhinothism, society for promoting, 74.
+
+ Rhyme, whether natural _not_ considered, 11.
+
+ Rib, an infrangible one, 90.
+
+ Richard the First of England, his Christian fervour, 23.
+
+ Riches conjectured to have legs as well as wings, 62.
+
+ Robinson, Mr. John P., his opinions fully stated, 27-31.
+
+ Rocks, pocket full of, 91.
+
+ Rough and Ready, 111
+   --a wig, 112
+   --a kind of scratch, _ib._
+
+ Russian eagle turns Prussian blue, 50.
+
+
+ Sabbath, breach of, 27.
+
+ Sabellianism, one accused of, 82.
+
+ Saltillo, unfavourable view of, 17.
+
+ Salt-river in, Mexican, what, 17.
+
+ Samuel, Uncle, riotous, 50
+   --yet has qualities demanding reverence, 66
+   --a good provider for his family, 68
+   --an exorbitant bill of, 103.
+
+ Sansculottes, draw their wine before drinking, 61.
+
+ Santa Anna, his expensive leg, 96.
+
+ Satan, never wants attorneys, 22
+   --an expert talker by signs, _ib._
+   --a successful fisherman with little or no bait, 23
+   --cunning fetch of, 27
+   --dislikes ridicule, 34
+   --ought not to have credit of ancient oracles, 51, _note_.
+
+ Satirist, incident to certain dangers, 28.
+
+ Savages, Canadian, chance of redemption offered to, 123.
+
+ Sawin, B., Esquire, his letter not written in verse, 11
+   --a native of Jaalam, 12
+   --not regular attendant on Rev. Mr. Wilbur's preaching, _ib._
+   --a fool, _ib._
+   --his statements trustworthy, _ib._
+   --his ornithological tastes, _ib._
+   --letter from, 13, 86, 106
+   --his curious discovery in regard to bayonets, 15
+   --displays proper family pride, _ib._
+   --modestly confesses himself less wise than the Queen of Sheba, 19
+   --the old Adam in, peeps out, 21
+   --a _miles emeritus_, 86
+   --is made text for a sermon, _ib._
+   --loses a leg, 88
+   --an eye, 89
+   --left hand, _ib._
+   --four fingers of right hand, _ib._
+   --has six or more ribs broken, _ib._
+   --a rib of his infrangible, 90
+   --allows a certain amount of preterite greenness in himself, 90, 91
+   --his share of spoil limited, _ib._
+   --his opinion of Mexican climate, 92
+   --acquires property of a certain sort, 93
+   --his experience of glory, 93, 94
+   --stands sentry, and puns thereupon, 95
+   --undergoes martyrdom in some of its most painful forms, _ib._
+   --enters the candidating business, 96
+   --modestly states the (avail) abilities which qualify him for high
+           political station, 96, 99
+   --has no principles, 96
+   --a peaceman, _ib._
+   --unpledged, 97
+   --has no objections to owning _peculiar_ property, but would not like
+           to monopolize the truth, 98
+   --his account with glory, 99
+   --a selfish motive hinted in, 100
+   --sails for Eldorado, _ib._
+   --shipwrecked on a metaphorical promontory, _ib._
+   --parallel between, and Rev. Mr. Wilbur (not Plutarchian), 102
+   --conjectured to have bathed in river Selemnus, 106
+   --loves plough wisely, but not too well, _ib._
+   --a foreign mission probably expected by, 107
+   --unanimously nominated for presidency, 108
+   --his country's father-in-law, 109
+   --nobly emulates Cincinnatus, 110
+   --is not a crooked stick, _ib._
+   --advises his adherents, _ib._
+   --views of, on present state of politics, 110-117
+   --popular enthusiasm for, at Bellers's, and its disagreeable
+           consequences, 111
+   --inhuman treatment of, by Bellers, 112
+   --his opinion of the two parties, 113
+   --agrees with Mr. Webster, _ib._
+   --his antislavery zeal, 115
+   --his proper self-respect, _ib._
+   --his unaffected piety, _ib._
+   --his not intemperate temperance, 117
+   --a thrilling adventure of, 117-122
+   --his prudence and economy, 117
+   --bound to Captain Jakes, but regains his freedom, 119
+   --is taken prisoner, 121-122
+   --ignominiously treated, 121-122
+   --his consequent resolution, 122.
+
+ Sayres, a martyr, 55.
+
+ Scaliger, saying of, 28.
+
+ _Scarabæus pilularius_, 18.
+
+ Scott, General, his claims to the presidency, 34, 37.
+
+ Scythians, their diplomacy commended, 84.
+
+ Seamen, coloured, sold, 8.
+
+ Selemnus, a sort of Lethean river, 106.
+
+ Senate, debate in, made readable, 55.
+
+ Seneca, saying of, 27
+   --another, 51
+   --overrated by a saint (but see Lord Bolingbroke's opinion of, in a
+           letter to Dean Swift), 76
+   --his letters not commended, _ib._
+   --a son of Rev. Mr. Wilbur, 102.
+
+ Serbonian bog of literature, 54.
+
+ Sextons, demand for, 61
+   --heroic official devotion of one, 120.
+
+ Shaking fever, considered as an employer, 93.
+
+ Shakspeare, a good reporter, 40.
+
+ Sham, President, honest, 45.
+
+ Sheba, Queen of, 19.
+
+ Sheep, none of Rev. Mr. Wilbur's turned wolves, 12.
+
+ Shem, Scriptural curse of, 122.
+
+ Show, natural to love it, 17, _note_.
+
+ Silver spoon born in Democracy's mouth what, 43.
+
+ Sinai suffers outrages, 66.
+
+ Sin, wilderness of, modern, what, 66.
+
+ Skin, hole in, strange taste of some for, 94.
+
+ Slaughter, whether God strengthen us for, 24.
+
+ Slaughterers and soldiers compared, 104.
+
+ Slaughtering nowadays _is_ slaughtering, 104.
+
+ Slavery, of no colour, 6
+   --cornerstone of liberty, 52
+   --also keystone, 58
+   --last crumb of Eden, 61
+   --a Jonah, 62
+   --an institution, 80
+   --a private State concern, 118.
+
+ Smith, Joe, used as a translation, 65.
+
+ Smith, John, an interesting character, 74.
+
+ Smith, Mr., fears entertained for, 63
+   --dined with, 75.
+
+ Smith, N. B., his magnanimity, 75.
+
+ Soandso, Mr., the great, defines his position, 75.
+
+ Sol, the fisherman, 18
+   --soundness of respiratory organs hypothetically attributed to, _ib._
+
+ Solon, a saying of, 25.
+
+ South Carolina, futile attempt to anchor, 57.
+
+ Spanish, to walk, what, 20.
+
+ Speech-making, an abuse of gift of speech, 53.
+
+ Star, north, subject to indictment, whether, 62.
+
+ Store, cheap cash, a wicked fraud, 102.
+
+ Strong, Governor Caleb, a patriot, 32.
+
+ Swearing, commended as a figure of speech, 13, _note_.
+
+ Swift, Dean, threadbare saying of, 34.
+
+
+ Tag, elevated to the Cardinalate, 25.
+
+ Taxes, direct, advantages of, 103.
+
+ Taylor zeal, its origin, 111
+   --General, greased by Mr. Choate, 113.
+
+ Thanks, get lodged, 93.
+
+ Thirty-nine articles might be made serviceable, 24.
+
+ Thor, a foolish attempt of, 57.
+
+ Thumb, General Thomas, a valuable member of society, 49.
+
+ Thunder, supposed in easy circumstances, 90.
+
+ Thynne, Mr., murdered, 10.
+
+ Time, an innocent personage to swear by, 13, _note_
+   --a scene-shifter, 72.
+
+ Toms, Peeping, 74.
+
+ Trees, various kinds of extraordinary ones, 100.
+
+ Trowbridge, William, mariner, adventure of, 24.
+
+ Truth and falsehood start from same point, 27
+   --truth invulnerable to satire, _ib._
+   --compared to a river, 40
+   --of fiction sometimes truer than fact, _ib._
+   --told plainly, _passim_.
+
+ Tuileries, exciting scene at, 51.
+
+ Tully, a saying of, 43, _note_.
+
+ Tweedledee, gospel according to, 66.
+
+ Tweedledum, great principles of, 66.
+
+
+ Ulysses, husband of Penelope, 32
+   --borrows money, 101. (For full particulars of, see Homer and Dante.)
+
+ University, triennial catalogue of, 36.
+
+
+ Van Buren fails of gaining Mr. Sawin's confidence, 116
+   --his son John reproved, _ib._
+
+ Van, Old, plan to set up, 115.
+
+ Venetians, invented something once, 101.
+
+ Vices, cardinal, sacred conclave of, 24.
+
+ Victoria, Queen, her natural terror, 50.
+
+ Vratz, Captain, a Pomeranian, singular views of, 10.
+
+
+ Walpole, Horace, classed, 75
+   --his letters praised, 76.
+
+ Waltham Plain, Cornwallis at, 14.
+
+ Walton, punctilious in his intercourse with fishes, 25.
+
+ War, abstract, horrid, 79
+   --its hoppers, grist of, what, 94.
+
+ Warton, Thomas, a story of, 38.
+
+ Washington, charge brought against, 109.
+
+ Washington, city of, climatic influence of, on coats, 44
+   --mentioned, 55
+   --grand jury of, 62.
+
+ Washingtons, two hatched at a time by improved machine, 109.
+
+ Wate, Taunton, proverbially weak, 117.
+
+ Water-trees, 100.
+
+ Webster, some sentiments of, commended by Mr. Sawin, 113.
+
+ Westcott, Mr., his horror, 61.
+
+ Whig party, has a large throat, 35
+   --but query as to swallowing spurs, 114.
+
+ White-house, 81.
+
+ Wife-trees, 100.
+
+ Wilbur, Rev. Homer, A. M., consulted, 2
+   --his instructions to his flock, 12
+   --a proposition of his for Protestant bombshells, 24
+   --his elbow nudged, 26
+   --his notions of satire, 27
+   --some opinions of his quoted with apparent approval by Mr. Biglow, 31
+   --geographical speculations of, 32
+   --a justice of the peace, _ib._
+   --a letter of, 33
+   --a Latin pun of, _ib._
+   --runs against a post without injury, 34
+   --does not seek notoriety (whatever some malignants may affirm), 36
+   --fits youths for college, _ib._
+   --a chaplain during late war with England, 38
+   --a shrewd observation of, 40
+   --some curious speculations of, 52, 54
+   --his martello-tower, 53
+   --forgets he is not in pulpit, 62, 86
+   --extracts from sermon of, 64, 70
+   --interested in John Smith, 74
+   --his views concerning present state of letters, 74, 77
+   --a stratagem of, 82
+   --ventures two hundred and fourth interpretation of Beast in
+           Apocalypse, 83
+   --christens Hon. B. Sawin, then an infant, 86
+   --an addition to our _sylva_ proposed by, 100
+   --curious and instructive adventure of, 101, 102
+   --his account with an unnatural uncle, 103
+   --his uncomfortable imagination, 104
+   --speculations concerning Cincinnatus, 106
+   --confesses digressive tendency of mind, 123
+   --goes to work on sermon (not without fear that his readers will dub
+           him with a reproachful epithet like that with which Isaac
+           Allerton, a Mayflower man, revenges himself on a delinquent
+           debtor of his, calling him in his will, and thus holding him
+           up to posterity, as "John Peterson, THE BORE"), 125.
+
+ Wilbur, Mrs., an invariable rule of, 37
+   --her profile, _ib._
+
+ Wildbore, a vernacular one, how to escape, 54.
+
+ Wind, the, a good Samaritan, 86.
+
+ Wooden leg, remarkable for sobriety, 88
+   --never eats pudding, 90.
+
+ Wright, Colonel, providentially rescued, 18.
+
+ Wrong, abstract, safe to oppose, 46.
+
+
+ Zack, Old, 110.
+
+
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The Biglow Papers, by James Russell Lowell
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BIGLOW PAPERS ***
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Biglow Papers, by James Russell Lowell
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Biglow Papers
+
+Author: James Russell Lowell
+
+Editor: Thomas Hughes
+
+Release Date: September 20, 2007 [EBook #22680]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BIGLOW PAPERS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Susan Skinner, Stephen Blundell and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                       THE
+
+                  BIGLOW PAPERS.
+
+
+                       BY
+              JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL.
+
+
+                  NEWLY EDITED,
+                 WITH A PREFACE
+                     BY THE
+      AUTHOR OF "_TOM BROWN'S SCHOOL-DAYS_."
+
+
+             THIRD ENGLISH EDITION.
+
+
+ Reprinted, with the Author's Sanction, from the
+             Last American Edition.
+
+
+                     LONDON:
+        TR�BNER & CO. 60, PATERNOSTER ROW.
+                      1861.
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note
+
+Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note. Dialect
+spellings, contractions and discrepancies have been retained.
+
+Greek words have been transliterated and are shown between {braces}.
+
+The carat symbol [^] has been used to note 'superscript', and three
+asterisks [***] represent an inverted asterism. The following less
+common characters have been transcribed as follows:
+
+  [)a] a with breve
+  [=a] a with macron
+  [oe] oe ligature
+
+
+
+
+PUBLISHERS' PREFACE.
+
+
+In order to avoid any misconception, the Publishers think it advisable
+to announce that the present Edition of the "Biglow Papers" is issued
+with the express sanction of the Author, granted by letter, from which
+the following is an extract:--
+
+
+                               "CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS,
+                                           _14th September, 1859_.
+
+    "I think it would be well for you to announce that you are to
+    publish an Authorized Edition of the 'BIGLOW PAPERS;' for I have
+    just received a letter from Mr. ----, who tells me that a Mr. ----
+    was thinking of an edition, and wished him to edit it. Any such
+    undertaking will be entirely against my will, and I take it for
+    granted that Mr. ---- only formed the plan in ignorance of your
+    intention.
+
+                           "With many thanks, very truly yours,
+
+                                                   "J. R. LOWELL."
+
+
+
+
+ENGLISH EDITOR'S PREFACE.
+
+
+I can safely say that few things in my life have pleased me more than
+the request of Messrs. Tr�bner, backed by the expressed wish of the
+author, that I would see the first English edition of the "Biglow
+Papers" through the press. I fell in with the Papers about ten years
+ago, soon after their publication; and the impression they then made on
+me has been deepening and becoming more lively ever since. In fact, I do
+not think that, even in his own New England, Mr. Lowell can have a more
+constant or more grateful reader, though I cannot say that I go much
+beyond most of my own intimate friends over here in my love for his
+works. I may remark, in passing, that the impossibility of keeping a
+copy of the "Biglow Papers" for more than a few weeks (of which many of
+us have had repeated and sorrowful proof[1]) shows how much an English
+Edition is needed.
+
+Perhaps, strictly speaking, I should say a reprint, and not an edition.
+In fact, I am not clear (in spite of the wishes of author and
+publishers) that I have any right to call myself editor, for the book is
+as thoroughly edited already as a book need be. What between dear old
+Parson Wilbur--with his little vanities and pedantries, his "infinite
+faculty of sermonizing," his simplicity and humour, and his deep and
+righteous views of life, and power of hard hitting when he has anything
+to say which needs driving home--and Father Ezekiel, "the brown
+parchment-hided old man of the geoponic or bucolic species," "76 year
+old cum next tater diggin, and thair aint nowheres a kitting" (we
+readily believe) "spryer 'n he be;" and that judicious and lazy
+sub-editor, "Columbus Nye, pastor of a church in Bungtown Corner,"
+whose acquaintance we make so thoroughly in the ten lines which he
+contributes--whatever of setting or framing was needed, or indeed
+possible, for the nine gems in verse of Mr. Hosea Biglow, has been so
+well done already in America by the hand best fitted for the task, that
+he must be a bold man who would meddle with the book now in the editing
+way. Even the humble satisfaction of adding a glossary and index has
+been denied to me, as there are already very good ones. I have merely
+added some half-dozen words to the glossary, at which I thought that
+English readers might perhaps stumble. When the proposal was first made
+to me, indeed, I thought of trying my hand at a sketch of American
+politics of thirteen years ago, the date of the Mexican war and of the
+first appearance of the "Biglow Papers." But I soon found out, first,
+that I was not, and had no ready means of making myself, competent for
+such a task; secondly, that the book did not need it. The very slight
+knowledge which every educated Englishman has of Transatlantic politics
+will be quite enough to make him enjoy the racy smack of the American
+soil, which is one of their great charms; and, as to the particular
+characters, they are most truly citizens of the world as well as
+Americans. If an Englishman cannot find 'Bird-o'-freedom Sawins,' 'John
+P. Robinson's,' 'pious editors,' and candidates "facin' south-by-north"
+at home--ay, and if he is not conscious of his own individual propensity
+to the meannesses and duplicities of such, which come under the lash of
+Hosea--he knows little of the land we live in, or of his own heart, and
+is not worthy to read the "Biglow Papers."
+
+Instead, therefore, of any attempt of my own, I will give Mr. Lowell's
+own account of how and why he came to write this book. "All I can say
+is," he writes, "the book was _thar_. How it came is more than I can
+tell. I cannot, like the great G�the, deliberately imagine what would
+have been a proper 'Entstehungsweise' for my book, and then assume it as
+fact. I only know that I believed our war with Mexico (though we had as
+just ground for it as a strong nation ever had against a weak one) to be
+essentially a war of false pretences, and that it would result in
+widening the boundaries, and so prolonging the life of slavery.
+Believing that it is the manifest destiny of the English race to occupy
+this whole continent, and to display there that practical understanding
+in matters of government and colonization which no other race has given
+such proofs of possessing since the Romans, I hated to see a noble hope
+evaporated into a lying phrase to sweeten the foul breath of demagogues.
+Leaving the sin of it to God, I believed, and still believe, that
+slavery is the Achilles-heel of our own polity, that it is a temporary
+and false supremacy of the white races, sure to destroy that supremacy
+at last, because an enslaved people always prove themselves of more
+enduring fibre than their enslavers, as not suffering from the social
+vices sure to be engendered by oppression in the governing class.
+Against these and many other things I thought all honest men should
+protest. I was born and bred in the country, and the dialect was homely
+to me. I tried my first Biglow paper in a newspaper, and found that it
+had a great run. So I wrote the others from time to time during the
+year which followed, always very rapidly, and sometimes (as with 'What
+Mr. Robinson thinks') at one sitting. When I came to collect them and
+publish them in a volume, I conceived my parson-editor, with his
+pedantry and verbosity, his amiable vanity and superiority to the verses
+he was editing, as a fitting artistic background and foil. He gave me
+the chance, too, of glancing obliquely at many things which were beyond
+the horizon of my other characters."
+
+There are two American books, elder brethren of "The Biglow Papers,"
+which it would be unjust in an Englishman not to mention while
+introducing their big younger brother to his own countrymen,--I mean, of
+course, "Major Downing's Letters," and "Sam Slick;" both of which are
+full of rare humour, and treat of the most exciting political questions
+of their day in a method and from points of view of which we are often
+reminded while reading the "Biglow Papers." In fact, Mr. Lowell borrows
+his name from the Major's Letters;--"Zekel Bigelow, Broker and Banker of
+Wall Street, New York," is the friend who corrects the spelling, and
+certifies to the genuineness, of the honest Major's effusions,[2] and is
+one of the raciest characters in the book. No one, I am sure, would be
+so ready as Mr. Lowell to acknowledge whatever obligations he may have
+to other men, and no one can do it more safely. For though he may owe a
+name or an idea to others, he seems to me to stand quite alone amongst
+Americans, and to be the only one who is beyond question entitled to
+take his place in the first rank, by the side of the great political
+satirists of ancient and modern Europe.
+
+Greece had her Aristophanes; Rome her Juvenal; Spain has had her
+Cervantes; France her Rabelais, her Moli�re, her Voltaire; Germany her
+Jean Paul, her Heine; England her Swift, her Thackeray; and America has
+her Lowell. By the side of all those great masters of satire, though
+kept somewhat in the rear by provincialism of style and subject, the
+author of the "Biglow Papers" holds his own place distinct from each
+and all. The man who reads the book for the first time, and is capable
+of understanding it, has received a new sensation. In Lowell the
+American mind has for the first time flowered out into thoroughly
+original genius.
+
+There is an airy grace about the best pieces of Washington Irving, which
+has no parallel amongst English writers, however closely modelled may be
+his style upon that of the Addisonian age. There is much original power,
+which will perhaps be better appreciated at a future day, about Fenimore
+Cooper's delineations of the physical and spiritual border-land, between
+white and red, between civilization and savagery. There is dramatic
+power of a high order about Mr. Hawthorne, though mixed with a certain
+morbidness and bad taste, which debar him from ever attaining to the
+first rank. There is an originality of position about Mr. Emerson, in
+his resolute setting up of King Self against King Mob, which, coupled
+with a singular metallic glitter of style, and plenty of shrewd New
+England mother-wit, have made up together one of the best counterfeits
+of genius that has been seen for many a day; so good, indeed, that most
+men are taken by it for the first quarter of an hour at the least. But
+for real unmistakable genius,--for that glorious fulness of power which
+knocks a man down at a blow for sheer admiration, and then makes him
+rush into the arms of the knocker-down, and swear eternal friendship
+with him for sheer delight; the "Biglow Papers" stand alone.
+
+If I sought to describe their characteristics, I should say, the most
+exuberant and extravagant humour, coupled with strong, noble, Christian
+purpose,--a thorough scorn for all that is false and base, all the more
+withering because of the thorough geniality of the writer. Perhaps Jean
+Paul is of all the satirists I have named the one who at bottom presents
+most affinity with Lowell, but the differences are marked. The
+intellectual sphere of the German is vaster, but though with certain
+aims before him, he rather floats and tumbles about like a porpoise at
+play than follows any direct perceptible course. With Lowell, on the
+contrary, every word tells, every laugh is a blow; as if the god Momus
+had turned out as Mars, and were hard at work fighting every inch of
+him, grinning his broadest all the while.
+
+Will some English readers be shocked by this combination of broad and
+keen humour with high Christian purpose--the association of humour and
+Christianity? I hope not. At any rate, I would remind any such of
+Luther, and of our own Latimer and Rowland Hill; are they prepared to
+condemn them and many more like them? Nay (though it is a question which
+can only be hinted at here), does not the Bible itself sanction the
+combination by its own example? Is there not humour mixed with the
+tremendous sarcasm of the old prophets--dread humour no doubt, but
+humour unmistakably--wherever they speak of the helplessness of idols,
+as in the forty-fourth and forty-sixth chapters of Isaiah, and in
+Elijah's mockery of the priests of Baal:--"Cry aloud, for he is a God;
+either he is talking, or he is pursuing, or he is on a journey, or
+peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awakened." Is not the book of
+Proverbs full of grave, dry, pungent humour? Consider only the following
+passage out of many of the same spirit: "As the door turneth upon his
+hinges, so doth the slothful upon his bed. The slothful hideth his hand
+in his bosom, it grieveth him to bring it again to his mouth. The
+sluggard is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a
+reason. He that passeth by and meddleth with strife belonging not to
+him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears."--Prov. xxvi. 14-17.
+
+Or if it be objected that these things belong to an earlier covenant,
+that laughter and jesting are "not convenient" under the Gospel of Him
+who came not to destroy the law but to fulfil it, there is, perhaps, an
+answer to this also.
+
+For a specimen of subdued humour in narrative, adhering in the most
+literal manner to facts, and yet contriving to bring them out by that
+graphic literalness under their most ludicrous aspect, what can equal
+St. Luke's description of the riot at Ephesus? The picture of the narrow
+trade selfishness of Demetrius--of polytheism reduced into a matter of
+business--of the inanity of a mob tumult in an enslaved country--of the
+mixed coaxing and bullying of its officials, was surely never brought
+out with a more latter vice, indeed, includes both the others, or
+rather uses them as its instruments. Thus, the "pious Editor" proclaims,
+as his creed,--
+
+    I du believe in Freedom's cause
+      Ez fur away ez Paris is;
+    I love to see her stick her claws
+      In them infarnal Pharisees;
+
+    It's wal enough agin a king
+      To dror resolves and triggers,
+    But libbaty's a kind o' thing
+      Thet don't agree with niggers.
+
+No doubt they go further than this. I am quite aware that Mr. Lowell
+will be claimed as a champion by the peace party in this country; and
+certainly no keener things have been said against war in general than
+are to be found in this book.
+
+With our own peace-at-any-price party, no one has less sympathy than I;
+and this leads me to urge on all English readers to bear in mind, that
+the "Biglow Papers" were written for a New England audience, by a New
+Englander, and must be judged from a New England point of view. The
+citizen of a huge young mammoth country, divided by a whole ocean from
+the nearest enemy that it could fear, assailable only on the vivid
+sense of the absurdity of the whole. "And Gallio cared for none of these
+things," is another touch of quiet humour, which at once brings out the
+ludicrous aspect of the punishment of the Jewish agitators by means of
+the very tumults which they raised.
+
+I take it, therefore, that the exhibition of humour, in the pursuit, and
+as an aid for the attainment of a noble Christian purpose, is a means of
+action not only sanctioned by the very constitution of our natures (in
+which God has implanted so deeply the sense of the ludicrous, surely not
+that we might root it out) but, by the very example of Holy Writ. The
+humour exhibited may be different in degree and in quality; the skies of
+Syria are not those of Germany, or of Spain, of England, whether old or
+new. But the gift in itself is a pure and precious one, if lawfully and
+rightfully used.
+
+Military braggadocio, political and literary humbug, and slave-holding,
+are the three great butts at which Hosea Biglow and Parson Wilbur shoot,
+at point-blank range, and with shafts drawn well to the ear. The fringe
+of its seaboard (itself consisting chiefly of unapproachable swamp or
+barren sand wastes), surrounded by weak neighbours or thin wandering
+hordes, only too easy to bully, to subdue, to eat up; from which bands
+of pirates, under the name of liberators, swarm forth year after year,
+almost unchecked, to neighbouring lands, and to which if defeated they
+only return to be caressed and applauded by their congeners; where the
+getting up of war-fevers forms part of the stock in trade of too many of
+the leading politicians; where in particular the grasping at new
+territories for slave labour, by means however foul, has become the
+special and avowed policy of the slavery party; the citizen of such a
+country has a right to tell his countrymen that--
+
+    'T'aint your eppyletts an' feathers
+      Make the thing a grain more right;
+    'T'aint afollerin' your bell-wethers
+      Will excuse ye in His sight;
+
+    'Ef you take a sword an' dror it,
+      An' go stick a feller thru,
+    'Guv'ment aint to answer for it,
+      God 'll send the bill to you.
+
+And the bravest officer in Her Majesty's service will laugh as heartily
+as you will, I take it, my dear reader, if you have never heard it
+before, over a picture and a contrast such as the following:--
+
+    Parson Wilbur sez, _he_ never heerd in his life
+      Thet th' Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats,
+    An' marched round in front of a drum and a fife
+      To git, some on 'em office, an some on em votes,
+                    But John P
+                    Robinson he
+      Sez they didnt know everythin' down in Juddee.
+
+But England is a small and wealthy country, whose best defence against a
+neighbour, always likely to become a foe, consists in a mere ocean
+canal; where the question, I will not say of war, but of readiness for
+war, is one of life or death--in which the temptation, always so strong,
+to subordinate national honour to what is supposed to be policy, is in
+our day for most statesmen almost irresistible, because political
+influence is so evenly balanced, that a peace party of perhaps twenty
+votes has often the destinies of a ministry in its hands. Had Mr. Lowell
+been an Englishman, no one who knows his writings can believe for a
+moment that he would have swelled the cry or strengthened the hands of
+the vain and mischievous clique, who amongst us have of late years
+raised the cry of peace when there is no peace.
+
+The same caution will apply to our marked peculiarity of style in the
+book, which may offend at first many persons otherwise most capable of
+entering into its spirit. I mean the constant, and so to speak,
+pervading use of Scripture language and incidents, not only side by side
+with the most grotesque effusions of humour, but as one main element of
+the ludicrous effects produced. This undoubtedly would be as really
+offensive as it would be untrue, from any other point of view perhaps
+than that of a New Englander bred in the country. The rural population
+of New England is still, happily for itself, tinctured in all its
+language, habits, modes of feeling and thought, by a strict Scriptural
+training--"Out of the fulness of the heart the mouth speaketh." Look
+below the surface and you will see that there is no irreverence whatever
+beneath Hosea Biglow's daring use of Scripture; only that "perfect love
+which casteth out fear;" that the very purpose of the whole book is to
+set up Christ's Gospel as _the_ standard by which alone all men are to
+be judged in all their acts. We may disagree from him in the
+conclusions which he draws from Scripture; of his earnest sincerity in
+enforcing those conclusions we cannot doubt.
+
+It is satisfactory, indeed, to think that Mr. Lowell's shafts have
+already, in a great measure, ceased to be required, or would have to be
+aimed now at other bull's eyes. The servility of the Northern States to
+the South, which twelve years ago so raised his indignation, has well
+nigh ceased to be. The vital importance of the slavery question is now
+thoroughly recognized by the great republican party, which I trust is
+year by year advancing towards an assured victory.
+
+For that victory Mr. Lowell has done knight's-service by his other
+works, as well as by the "Biglow Papers." I need not do more than refer
+to these, however, as they have been published in a cheap form over
+here, and I believe have circulated largely. In his other poems he is by
+no means so equal as in the "Biglow Papers;" but I cannot help thinking
+that (leaving out of sight altogether his satirical works) fifty years
+hence he will be recognized as the greatest American poet of our day,
+notwithstanding the contemporary judgment which has in England, and I
+believe in America, assigned that proud place to his friend and
+predecessor at Harvard College, H. W. Longfellow. To any reader who has
+not met with Lowell's Poems, and who may be induced to read them after a
+perusal of the present volume, I should recommend "The Vision of Sir
+Launfal," "A Parable," "Stanzas on Freedom," "The Present Crisis," and
+"Hunger and Cold," as specially fit to be read in connexion with the
+"Biglow Papers." It is only by looking at all sides of a man of this
+mould that you can get a notion of his size and power. Readers,
+therefore, should search out for themselves the exquisite little gems of
+a lighter kind, which lie about in the other poems comprised in the
+volume. I am only indicating those which, as it seems to me, when taken
+with the "Biglow Papers," give the best idea of the man, and what his
+purpose in life has been, and is.
+
+I will not think so badly of my countrymen as to suppose for a moment
+that "The Biglow Papers" will not become the intimate friends of all
+good fellows in England; and when we have really made friends with a
+book, we like to know something about our friend's father; so I shall
+add the little I know of the history of James Russell Lowell.
+
+He was born in 1819, at Cambridge, Massachusetts, so that he is some
+years younger than our own laureate, and we may hope to get out of him
+many another noble work, though we shall get no more "Biglow Papers"--at
+least I fear not; for the sort of inspiration which finds voice in this
+way comes, I take it, only once in a man's life. And moreover, this is
+his own conviction. In a letter which I received from him as to the
+present publication, he writes: "Friendly people say to me sometimes,
+'Write us more "Biglow Papers;"' and I have even been simple enough to
+try, only to find that I could not. This has helped to persuade me that
+the book was a genuine growth, and not a manufacture, and that therefore
+I had an honest right to be pleased without blushing, if people liked
+it." He was educated at Harvard College, Cambridge; and, in fact, has
+never lived away from his native place. He read law, but never
+practised; and in 1855 was chosen to succeed Longfellow as Professor of
+Modern Literature in Harvard College. He has visited Europe twice; and I
+am sure that every one who knows his works must join with me in the
+hearty wish that he may come among us again as soon as possible.
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[1] Should this meet the eye of any persons who may have forgotten to
+return American copies of the "Biglow Papers" to their respective
+owners, they are requested to forward them to the publishers. The
+strictest secrecy will be preserved, and an acknowledgment given in _The
+Times_ if required.
+
+[2] See the English Edition of "Letters of Major Downing," published by
+John Murray in 1835, pp. 22, 23; and Letters x. xi. xii. and xv.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+
+                                                       PAGE
+
+ PUBLISHER'S PREFACE                                      v
+
+
+ EDITOR'S PREFACE                                       vii
+
+
+ NOTICES OF AN INDEPENDENT PRESS                       xxix
+
+
+ No. I.
+
+ A LETTER FROM MR. EZEKIEL BIGLOW OF JAALAM TO THE
+   HON. JOSEPH T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON
+   COURIER, INCLOSING A POEM OF HIS SON, MR. HOSEA
+   BIGLOW                                                 1
+
+
+ No. II.
+
+ A LETTER FROM MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE HON.
+   J. T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER,
+   COVERING A LETTER FROM MR. B. SAWIN, PRIVATE IN
+   THE MASSACHUSETTS REGIMENT                            11
+
+
+ No. III.
+
+ WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS                                27
+
+
+ No. IV.
+
+ REMARKS OF INCREASE D. O'PHACE, ESQUIRE, AT AN
+   EX-TRUMPERY CAUCUS IN STATE STREET, REPORTED BY
+   MR. H. BIGLOW                                         40
+
+
+ No. V.
+
+ THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT. SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME          55
+
+
+ No. VI.
+
+ THE PIOUS EDITOR'S CREED                                64
+
+
+ No. VII.
+
+ A LETTER FROM A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN
+   ANSWER TO SUTTIN QUESTIONS PROPOSED BY MR. HOSEA
+   BIGLOW, INCLOSED IN A NOTE FROM MR. BIGLOW TO S.
+   H. GAY, ESQ., EDITOR OF THE NATIONAL ANTISLAVERY
+   STANDARD                                              74
+
+
+ No. VIII.
+
+ A SECOND LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.                     86
+
+
+ No. IX.
+
+ A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.                     106
+
+
+ GLOSSARY                                               127
+
+
+ INDEX                                                  131
+
+
+
+
+NOTICES OF AN INDEPENDENT PRESS.
+
+
+[I have observed, reader, (bene- or male-volent, as it may happen,) that
+it is customary to append to the second editions of books, and to the
+second works of authors, short sentences commendatory of the first,
+under the title of _Notices of the Press_. These, I have been given to
+understand, are procurable at certain established rates, payment being
+made either in money or advertising patronage by the publisher, or by an
+adequate outlay of servility on the part of the author. Considering
+these things with myself, and also that such notices are neither
+intended, nor generally believed, to convey any real opinions, being a
+purely ceremonial accompaniment of literature, and resembling
+certificates to the virtues of various morbiferal panaceas, I conceived
+that it would be not only more economical to prepare a sufficient number
+of such myself, but also more immediately subservient to the end in
+view, to prefix them to this our primary edition, rather than await the
+contingency of a second, when they would seem to be of small utility. To
+delay attaching the _bobs_ until the second attempt at flying the kite
+would indicate but a slender experience in that useful art. Neither has
+it escaped my notice, nor failed to afford me matter of reflection,
+that, when a circus or a caravan is about to visit Jaalam, the initial
+step is to send forward large and highly ornamented bills of performance
+to be hung in the bar-room and the post-office. These having been
+sufficiently gazed at, and beginning to lose their attractiveness
+except for the flies, and, truly, the boys also, (in whom I find it
+impossible to repress, even during school-hours, certain oral and
+telegraphic correspondences concerning the expected show,) upon some
+fine morning the band enters in a gaily-painted waggon, or triumphal
+chariot, and with noisy advertisement, by means of brass, wood, and
+sheepskin, makes the circuit of our startled village-streets. Then, as
+the exciting sounds draw nearer and nearer, do I desiderate those eyes
+of Aristarchus, "whose looks were as a breeching to a boy." Then do I
+perceive, with vain regret of wasted opportunities, the advantage of a
+pancratic or pantechnic education, since he is most reverenced by my
+little subjects who can throw the cleanest summerset, or walk most
+securely upon the revolving cask. The story of the Pied Piper becomes
+for the first time credible to me, (albeit confirmed by the Hameliners
+dating their legal instruments from the period of his exit,) as I behold
+how those strains, without pretence of magical potency, bewitch the
+pupillary legs, nor leave to the pedagogic an entire self-control. For
+these reasons, lest my kingly prerogative should suffer diminution, I
+prorogue my restless commons, whom I also follow into the street,
+chiefly lest some mischief may chance befall them. After the manner of
+such a band, I send forward the following notices of domestic
+manufacture, to make brazen proclamation, not unconscious of the
+advantage which will accrue, if our little craft, _cymbula sutilis_,
+shall seem to leave port with a clipping breeze, and to carry, in
+nautical phrase, a bone in her mouth. Nevertheless, I have chosen, as
+being more equitable, to prepare some also sufficiently objurgatory,
+that readers of every taste may find a dish to their palate. I have
+modelled them upon actually existing specimens, preserved in my own
+cabinet of natural curiosities. One, in particular, I had copied with
+tolerable exactness from a notice of one of my own discourses, which,
+from its superior tone and appearance of vast experience, I concluded to
+have been written by a man at least three hundred years of age, though I
+recollected no existing instance of such antediluvian longevity.
+Nevertheless, I afterwards discovered the author to be a young gentleman
+preparing for the ministry under the direction of one of my brethren in
+a neighbouring town, and whom I had once instinctively corrected in a
+Latin quantity. But this I have been forced to omit, from its too great
+length.--H. W.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Universal Littery Universe._
+
+    Full of passages which rivet the attention of the reader.... Under a
+    rustic garb, sentiments are conveyed which should be committed to
+    the memory and engraven on the heart of every moral and social
+    being.... We consider this a _unique_ performance.... We hope to see
+    it soon introduced into our common schools.... Mr. Wilbur has
+    performed his duties as editor with excellent taste and judgment....
+    This is a vein which we hope to see successfully prosecuted.... We
+    hail the appearance of this work as a long stride toward the
+    formation of a purely aboriginal, indigenous, native, and American
+    literature. We rejoice to meet with an author national enough to
+    break away from the slavish deference, too common among us, to
+    English grammar and orthography.... Where all is so good, we are at
+    a loss how to make extracts.... On the whole, we may call it a
+    volume which no library, pretending to entire completeness, should
+    fail to place upon its shelves.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Higginbottomopolis Snapping-turtle._
+
+    A collection of the merest balderdash and doggerel that it was ever
+    our bad fortune to lay eyes on. The author is a vulgar buffoon, and
+    the editor a talkative, tedious old fool. We use strong language,
+    but should any of our readers peruse the book, (from which calamity
+    Heaven preserve them,) they will find reasons for it thick as the
+    leaves of Vallumbrozer, or, to use a still more expressive
+    comparison, as the combined heads of author and editor. The work is
+    wretchedly got up.... We should like to know how much _British gold_
+    was pocketed by this libeller of our country and her purest
+    patriots.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Oldfogrumville Mentor._
+
+    We have not had time to do more than glance through this handsomely
+    printed volume, but the name of its respectable editor, the Rev. Mr.
+    Wilbur, of Jaalam, will afford a sufficient guaranty for the worth
+    of its contents.... The paper is white, the type clear, and the
+    volume of a convenient and attractive size.... In reading this
+    elegantly executed work, it has seemed to us that a passage or two
+    might have been retrenched with advantage, and that the general
+    style of diction was susceptible of a higher polish.... On the
+    whole, we may safely leave the ungrateful task of criticism to the
+    reader. We will barely suggest, that in volumes intended, as this
+    is, for the illustration of a provincial dialect and turns of
+    expression, a dash of humour or satire might be thrown in with
+    advantage.... The work is admirably got up.... This work will form
+    an appropriate ornament to the centre-table. It is beautifully
+    printed, on paper of an excellent quality.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Dekay Bulwark._
+
+    We should be wanting in our duty as the conductor of that tremendous
+    engine, a public press, as an American, and as a man, did we allow
+    such an opportunity as is presented to us by "The Biglow Papers" to
+    pass by without entering our earnest protest against such attempts
+    (now, alas! too common) at demoralizing the public sentiment. Under
+    a wretched mask of stupid drollery, slavery, war, the social glass,
+    and, in short, all the valuable and time-honoured institutions
+    justly dear to our common humanity and especially to republicans,
+    are made the butt of coarse and senseless ribaldry by this
+    low-minded scribbler. It is time that the respectable and religious
+    portion of our community should be aroused to the alarming inroads
+    of foreign Jacobinism, sansculottism, and infidelity. It is a
+    fearful proof of the wide-spread nature of this contagion, that
+    these secret stabs at religion and virtue are given from under the
+    cloak (_credite, posteri!_) of a clergyman. It is a mournful
+    spectacle indeed to the patriot and Christian to see liberality and
+    new ideas (falsely so called,--they are as old as Eden) invading
+    the sacred precincts of the pulpit.... On the whole, we consider
+    this volume as one of the first shocking results which we predicted
+    would spring out of the late French "Revolution"(!).
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Bungtown Copper and Comprehensive Tocsin (a tryweakly
+    family journal)._
+
+    Altogether an admirable work.... Full of humour, boisterous, but
+    delicate,--of wit withering and scorching, yet combined with a
+    pathos cool as morning dew,--of satire ponderous as the mace of
+    Richard, yet keen as the scymitar of Saladin.... A work full of
+    "mountain-mirth," mischievous as Puck and lightsome as Ariel.... We
+    know not whether to admire most the genial, fresh, and discursive
+    concinnity of the author, or his playful fancy, weird imagination,
+    and compass of style, at once both objective and subjective.... We
+    might indulge in some criticisms, but, were the author other than he
+    is, he would be a different being. As it is, he has a wonderful
+    _pose_, which flits from flower to flower, and bears the reader
+    irresistibly along on its eagle pinions (like Ganymede) to the
+    "highest heaven of invention." ... We love a book so purely
+    objective.... Many of his pictures of natural scenery have an
+    extraordinary subjective clearness and fidelity.... In fine, we
+    consider this as one of the most extraordinary volumes of this or
+    any age. We know of no English author who could have written it. It
+    is a work to which the proud genius of our country, standing with
+    one foot on the Aroostook and the other on the Rio Grande, and
+    holding up the star-spangled banner amid the wreck of matter and the
+    crush of worlds, may point with bewildering scorn of the punier
+    efforts of enslaved Europe.... We hope soon to encounter our author
+    among those higher walks of literature in which he is evidently
+    capable of achieving enduring fame. Already we should be inclined to
+    assign him a high position in the bright galaxy of our American
+    bards.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Saltriver Pilot and Flag of Freedom._
+
+    A volume in bad grammar and worse taste.... While the pieces here
+    collected were confined to their appropriate sphere in the corners
+    of obscure newspapers, we considered them wholly beneath contempt,
+    but, as the author has chosen to come forward in this public manner,
+    he must expect the lash he so richly merits.... Contemptible
+    slanders.... Vilest Billingsgate.... Has raked all the gutters of
+    our language.... The most pure, upright, and consistent politicians
+    not safe from his malignant venom.... General Cushing comes in for a
+    share of his vile calumnies.... The _Reverend_ Homer Wilbur is a
+    disgrace to his cloth....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the World-Harmonic-�olian-Attachment._
+
+    Speech is silver: silence is golden. No utterance more Orphic than
+    this. While, therefore, as highest author, we reverence him whose
+    works continue heroically unwritten, we have also our hopeful word
+    for those who with pen (from wing of goose loud-cackling, or seraph
+    God-commissioned) record the thing that is revealed.... Under mask
+    of quaintest irony, we detect here the deep, storm-tost (nigh
+    shipwracked) soul, thunder-scarred, semiarticulate, but ever
+    climbing hopefully toward the peaceful summits of an Infinite
+    Sorrow.... Yes, thou poor, forlorn Hosea, with Hebrew fire-flaming
+    soul in thee, for thee also this life of ours has not been without
+    its aspect of heavenliest pity and laughingest mirth. Conceivable
+    enough! Through coarse Thersites-cloak, we have revelation of the
+    heart, wild-glowing, world-clasping, that is in him. Bravely he
+    grapples with the life-problem as it presents itself to him,
+    uncombed, shaggy, careless of the "nicer proprieties," inexpert of
+    "elegant diction," yet with voice audible enough to whoso hath ears,
+    up there on the gravelly side-hills, or down on the splashy,
+    Indiarubber-like salt-marshes of native Jaalam. To this soul also
+    the _Necessity of Creating_ somewhat has unveiled its awful front.
+    If not [OE]dipuses and Electras and Alcestises, then in God's name
+    Birdofredum Sawins! These also shall get born into the world, and
+    filch (if so need) a Zingali subsistence therein, these lank,
+    omnivorous Yankees of his. He shall paint the Seen, since the Unseen
+    will not sit to him. Yet in him also are Nibelungen-lays, and
+    Iliads, and Ulysses-wanderings, and Divine Comedies,--if only once
+    he could come at them! Therein lies much, nay all; for what truly is
+    this which we name _All_, but that which we do _not_ possess?...
+    Glimpses also are given us of an old father Ezekiel, not without
+    paternal pride, as is the wont of such. A brown, parchment-hided old
+    man of the geoponic or bucolic species, gray-eyed, we fancy,
+    _queued_ perhaps, with much weather-cunning and plentiful
+    September-gale memories, bidding fair in good time to become the
+    Oldest Inhabitant. After such hasty apparition, he vanishes and is
+    seen no more.... Of "Rev. Homer Wilbur, A. M., Pastor of the First
+    Church in Jaalam," we have small care to speak here. Spare touch in
+    him of his Melesigenes namesake, save, haply, the--blindness! A
+    tolerably caliginose, nephelegeretous elderly gentleman, with
+    infinite faculty of sermonizing, muscularized by long practice, and
+    excellent digestive apparatus, and, for the rest, well-meaning
+    enough, and with small private illuminations (somewhat tallowy, it
+    is to be feared) of his own. To him, there, "Pastor of the First
+    Church in Jaalam," our Hosea presents himself as a quiet
+    inexplicable Sphinx-riddle. A rich, poverty of Latin and Greek,--so
+    far is clear enough, even to eyes peering myopic through horn-lensed
+    editorial spectacles,--but naught farther? O purblind, well-meaning,
+    altogether fuscous Melesigenes-Wilbur, there are things in him
+    incommunicable by stroke of birch! Did it ever enter that old
+    bewildered head of thine that there was the _Possibility of the
+    Infinite_ in him? To thee, quite wingless (and even featherless)
+    biped, has not so much even as a dream of wings ever come? "Talented
+    young parishioner"? Among the Arts whereof thou art _Magister_, does
+    that of _seeing_ happen to be one? Unhappy _Artium Magister_!
+    Somehow a Nemean lion, fulvous, torrid-eyed, dry-nursed in
+    broad-howling sand-wildernesses of a sufficiently rare spirit-Libya
+    (it may be supposed) has got whelped among the sheep. Already he
+    stands wild-glaring, with feet clutching the ground as with
+    oak-roots, gathering for a Remus-spring over the walls of thy little
+    fold. In Heaven's name, go not near him with that flybite crook of
+    thine! In good time, thou painful preacher, thou wilt go to the
+    appointed place of departed Artillery-Election Sermons, Right-Hands
+    of Fellowship, and Results of Councils, gathered to thy spiritual
+    fathers with much Latin of the Epitaphial sort; thou, too, shalt
+    have thy reward; but on him the Eumenides have looked, not Xantippes
+    of the pit, snake-tressed, finger-threatening, but radiantly calm as
+    on antique gems; for him paws impatient the winged courser of the
+    gods, champing unwelcome bit: him the starry deeps, the empyrean
+    glooms, and far-flashing splendors await.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Onion Grove Ph[oe]nix._
+
+    A talented young townsman of ours, recently returned from a
+    Continental tour, and who is already favourably known to our readers
+    by his sprightly letters from abroad which have graced our columns,
+    called at our office yesterday. We learn from him, that, having
+    enjoyed the distinguished privilege, while in Germany, of an
+    introduction to the celebrated Von Humbug, he took the opportunity
+    to present that eminent man with a copy of the "Biglow Papers." The
+    next morning he received the following note, which he has kindly
+    furnished us for publication. We prefer to print _verbatim_, knowing
+    that our readers will readily forgive the few errors into which the
+    illustrious writer has fallen, through ignorance of our language.
+
+    "HIGH-WORTHY MISTER!
+
+    "I shall also now especially happy starve, because I have more or
+    less a work of one those aboriginal Red-Men seen in which have I so
+    deaf an interest ever taken fullworthy on the self shelf with our
+    Gottsched to be upset.
+
+    "Pardon my in the English-speech unpractice!
+
+                                                     "VON HUMBUG."
+
+    He also sent with the above note a copy of his famous work on
+    "Cosmetics," to be presented to Mr. Biglow; but this was taken from
+    our friend by the English custom-house officers, probably through a
+    petty national spite. No doubt, it has by this time found its way
+    into the British Museum. We trust this outrage will be exposed in
+    all our American papers. We shall do our best to bring it to the
+    notice of the State Department. Our numerous readers will share in
+    the pleasure we experience at seeing our young and vigorous national
+    literature thus encouragingly patted on the head by this venerable
+    and world-renowned German. We love to see these reciprocations of
+    good-feeling between the different branches of the great Anglo-Saxon
+    race.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Jaalam Independent Blunderbuss._
+
+    ... But, while we lament to see our young townsman thus mingling in
+    the heated contests of party politics, we think we detect in him the
+    presence of talents which, if properly directed, might give an
+    innocent pleasure to many. As a proof that he is competent to the
+    production of other kinds of poetry, we copy for our readers a short
+    fragment of a pastoral by him, the manuscript of which was loaned us
+    by a friend. The title of it is "The Courtin'."
+
+        Zekle crep' up, quite unbeknown,
+          An' peeked in thru the winder,
+        An' there sot Huldy all alone,
+          'ith no one nigh to hender.
+
+        Agin' the chimbly crooknecks hung,
+          An' in amongst 'em rusted
+        The ole queen's arm thet gran'ther Young
+          Fetched back frum Concord busted.
+
+        The wannut logs shot sparkles out
+          Towards the pootiest, bless her!
+        An' leetle fires danced all about
+          The chiny on the dresser.
+
+        The very room, coz she wuz in,
+          Looked warm frum floor to ceilin',
+        An' she looked full ez rosy agin
+          Ez th' apples she wuz peelin'.
+
+        She heerd a foot an' knowed it, tu,
+          Araspin' on the scraper,--
+        All ways to once her feelins flew
+          Like sparks in burnt-up paper.
+
+        He kin' o' l'itered on the mat,
+          Some doubtfle o' the seekle;
+        His heart kep' goin' pitypat,
+          But hern went pity Zekle.
+
+        ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Satis multis sese emptores futuros libri professis, Georgius Nichols,
+Cantabrigiensis, opus emittet de parte gravi sed adhuc neglecta histori�
+naturalis, cum titulo sequenti, videlicet:--
+
+_Conatus ad Delineationem naturalem nonnihil perfectiorem Scarab�i
+Bombilatoris, vulgo dicti_ HUMBUG, ab HOMERO WILBUR, Artium Magistro,
+Societatis historico-naturalis Jaallamensis Pr�side, (Secretario,
+Socioque (eheu!) singulo,) multarumque aliarum Societatum eruditarum
+(sive ineruditarum) tam domesticarum quam transmarinarum Socio--forsitan
+futuro.
+
+
+PROEMIUM.
+
+LECTORI BENEVOLO S.
+
+Toga scholastica nondum deposita, quum systemata varia entomologica, a
+viris ejus scienti� cultoribus studiosissimis summa diligentia
+�dificata, penitus indag�ssem, non fuit quin luctuose omnibus in iis,
+quamvis aliter laude dignissimis, hiatum magni momenti perciperem. Tunc,
+nescio quo motu superiore impulsus, aut qua captus dulcedine operis, ad
+eum implendum (Curtius alter) me solemniter devovi. Nec ab isto labore,
+{daimoni�s} imposito, abstinui antequam tractatulum sufficienter
+inconcinnum lingua vernacula perfeceram. Inde, juveniliter tumefactus,
+et barathro inepti� {t�n bibliop�l�n} (necnon "Publici Legentis")
+nusquam explorato, me composuisse quod quasi placentas pr�fervidas (ut
+sic dicam) homines ingurgitarent credidi. Sed, quum huic et alii
+bibliopol� MSS. mea submisissem et nihil solidius responsione valde
+negativa in Mus�um meum retulissem, horror ingens atque misericordia, ob
+crassitudinem Lambertianam in cerebris homunculorum istius muneris
+c[oe]lesti quadam ira infixam, me invasere. Extemplo mei solius impensis
+librum edere decrevi, nihil omnino dubitans quin "Mundus Scientificus"
+(ut aiunt) crumenam meam ampliter repleret. Nullam, attamen, ex agro
+illo meo parvulo segetem demessui, pr�ter gaudium vacuum bene de
+Republica merendi. Iste panis meus pretiosus super aquas literarias
+f�culentas pr�fidenter jactus, quasi Harpyiarum quarundam (scilicet
+bibliopolarum istorum facinorosorum supradictorum) tactu rancidus, intra
+perpaucos dies mihi domum rediit. Et, quum ipse tali victu ali non
+tolerarem, primum in mentem venit pistori (typographo nempe) nihilominus
+solvendum esse. Animum non idcirco demisi, imo �que ac pueri naviculas
+suas penes se lino retinent (eo ut e recto cursu delapsas ad ripam
+retrahant), sic ego Arg� meam chartaceam fluctibus laborantem a qu�situ
+velleris aurei, ipse potius tonsus pelleque exutus, mente solida
+revocavi. Metaphoram ut mutem, _boomarangam_ meam a scopo aberrantem
+retraxi, dum majore vi, occasione ministrante, adversus Fortunam
+intorquerem. Ast mihi, talia volventi, et, sicut Saturnus ille
+{paidoboros}, liberos intellectus mei depascere fidenti, casus
+miserandus, nec antea inauditus, supervenit. Nam, ut ferunt Scythas
+pietatis causa et parsimoni�, parentes suos mortuos devor�sse, sic
+filius hic meus primogenitus, Scythis ipsis minus mansuetus, patrem
+vivum totum et calcitrantem exsorbere enixus est. Nec tamen hac de causa
+sobolem meam esurientem exheredavi. Sed famem istam pro valido
+testimonio virilitatis roborisque potius habui, cibumque ad eam
+satiandam salva paterna mea carne, petii. Et quia bilem illam
+scaturientem ad �s etiam concoquendum idoneam esse estimabam, unde �s
+alienum, ut minoris pretii, haberem, circumspexi. Rebus ita se
+habentibus, ab avunculo meo Johanne Doolittle, Armigero, impetravi ut
+pecunias necessarias suppeditaret, ne opus esset mihi universitatem
+relinquendi antequam ad gradum primum in artibus pervenissem. Tunc ego,
+salvum facere patronum meum munificum maxime cupiens, omnes libros prim�
+editionis operis mei non venditos una cum privilegio in omne �vum
+ejusdem imprimendi et edendi avunculo meo dicto pigneravi. Ex illo die,
+atro lapide notando, cur� vociferantes famili� singulis annis crescentis
+eo usque insultabant ut nunquam tam carum pignus e vinculis istis
+aheneis solvere possem.
+
+Avunculo vero nuper mortuo, quum inter alios consanguineos testamenti
+ejus lectionem audiendi causa advenissem, erectis auribus verba talia
+sequentia accepi:--"Quoniam persuasum habeo meum dilectum nepotem
+Homerum, longa et intima rerum angustarum domi experientia, aptissimum
+esse qui divitias tueatur, beneficenterque ac prudenter iis divinis
+creditis utatur,--ergo, motus hisce cogitationibus, exque amore meo in
+illum magno, do, legoque nepoti caro meo supranominato omnes
+singularesque istas possessiones nec ponderabiles nec computabiles meas
+qu� sequuntur, scilicet: quingentos libros quos mihi pigneravit dictus
+Homerus, anno lucis 1792, cum privilegio edendi et repetendi opus istud
+'scientificum' (quod dicunt) suum, si sic elegerit. Tamen D. O. M.
+precor oculos Homeri nepotis mei ita aperiat eumque moveat, ut libros
+istos in bibliotheca unius e plurimis castellis suis Hispaniensibus tuto
+abscondat."
+
+His verbis (vix credibilibus) auditis, cor meum in pectore exsultavit.
+Deinde, quoniam tractatus Anglice scriptus spem auctoris fefellerat,
+quippe quum studium Histori� Naturalis in Republica nostra inter
+factionis strepitum languescat, Latine versum edere statui, et eo potius
+quia nescio quomodo disciplina academica et duo diplomata proficiant,
+nisi quod peritos linguarum omnino mortuarum (et damnandarum, ut dicebat
+iste {panourgos} Gulielmus Cobbett) nos faciant.
+
+Et mihi adhuc superstes est tota illa editio prima, quam quasi
+crepitaculum per quod dentes caninos dentibam retineo.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    OPERIS SPECIMEN.
+
+    (_Ad exemplum Johannis Physiophili speciminis Monachologi�._)
+
+    12. S. B. _Militaris_, WILBUR. _Carnifex_, JABLONSK. _Profanus_,
+    DESFONT.
+
+    [Male hancce speciem _Cyclopem_, Fabricius vocat, ut qui singulo
+    oculo ad quod sui interest distinguitur. Melius vero Isaacus Outis
+    nullum inter S. milit. S. que Belzebul (Fabric. 152) discrimen esse
+    defendit.]
+
+    Habitat civitat. Americ. austral.
+
+    Aureis lineis splendidus; plerumque tamen sordidus, utpote lanienas
+    valde frequentans, f[oe]tore sanguinis allectus. Amat quoque insuper
+    septa apricari, neque inde, nisi maxima conatione, detruditur.
+    _Candidatus_ ergo populariter vocatus. Caput cristam quasi pennarum
+    ostendit. Pro cibo vaccam publicam callide mulget; abdomen enorme;
+    facultas suctus haud facile estimanda. Otiosus, fatuus; ferox
+    nihilominus, semperque dimicare paratus. Tortuose repit.
+
+    Capite s�pe maxima cum cura dissecto, ne illud rudimentum etiam
+    cerebri commune omnibus prope insectis detegere poteram.
+
+    Unam de hoc S. milit. rem singularem notavi; nam S. Guineeus.
+    (Fabric. 143) servos facit, et idcirco a multis summa in reverentia
+    habitus, quasi scintillas rationis p�ne human� demonstrans.
+
+    24. S. B. _Criticus_, WILBUR. _Zoilus_, FABRIC. _Pygm�us_, CARLSEN.
+
+    [Stultissime Johannes Stryx cum S. punctato (Fabric. 64-109)
+    confundit. Specimina quam plurima scrutationi microscopic� subjeci,
+    nunquam tamen unum ulla indicia puncti cujusvis prorsus ostendentem
+    inveni.]
+
+    Pr�cipue formidolosus, insectatusque, in proxima rima anonyma sese
+    abscondit, _we, we_, creberrime stridens. Ineptus, segnipes.
+
+    Habitat ubique gentium; in sicco; nidum suum terebratione indefessa
+    �dificans. Cibus. Libros depascit; siccos pr�cipue seligens, et
+    forte succidum
+
+
+
+
+                        THE BIGLOW PAPERS.
+
+
+
+
+                      _MELIB[OE]US-HIPPONAX._
+
+
+                                THE
+
+                           BIGLOW PAPERS,
+
+
+                              EDITED,
+
+              WITH AN INTRODUCTION, NOTES, GLOSSARY,
+                        AND COPIOUS INDEX,
+
+
+                       BY HOMER WILBUR, A.M.
+
+ PASTOR OF THE FIRST CHURCH IN JAALAM, AND (PROSPECTIVE) MEMBER OF
+         MANY LITERARY, LEARNED, AND SCIENTIFIC SOCIETIES,
+                   (_for which see page_ xlvii.)
+
+
+     The ploughman's whistle, or the trivial flute,
+     Finds more respect than great Apollo's lute.
+                                 _Quarles's Emblems_, B. II. E. 8.
+
+
+   Margaritas, munde porcine, calc�sti: en, siliquas accipe.
+                                _Jaa. Car. Fil. ad Pub. Leg._ � 1.
+
+
+
+
+NOTE TO TITLE-PAGE
+
+
+It will not have escaped the attentive eye, that I have, on the
+title-page, omitted those honorary appendages to the editorial name
+which not only add greatly to the value of every book, but whet and
+exacerbate the appetite of the reader. For not only does he surmise that
+an honorary membership of literary and scientific societies implies a
+certain amount of necessary distinction on the part of the recipient of
+such decorations, but he is willing to trust himself more entirely to an
+author who writes under the fearful responsibility of involving the
+reputation of such bodies as the _S. Arch�ol. Dahom._, or the _Acad.
+Lit. et Scient. Kamtschat._ I cannot but think that the early editions
+of Shakspeare and Milton would have met with more rapid and general
+acceptance, but for the barrenness of their respective title-pages; and
+I believe that, even now, a publisher of the works of either of those
+justly distinguished men would find his account in procuring their
+admission to the membership of learned bodies on the Continent,--a
+proceeding no whit more incongruous than the reversal of the judgment
+against Socrates, when he was already more than twenty centuries beyond
+the reach of antidotes, and when his memory had acquired a deserved
+respectability. I conceive that it was a feeling of the importance of
+this precaution which induced Mr. Locke to style himself "Gent." on the
+title-page of his Essay, as who should say to his readers that they
+could receive his metaphysics on the honor of a gentleman.
+
+Nevertheless, finding, that, without descending to a smaller size of
+type than would have been compatible with the dignity of the several
+societies to be named, I could not compress my intended list within the
+limits of a single page, and thinking, moreover, that the act would
+carry with it an air of decorous modesty, I have chosen to take the
+reader aside, as it were, into my private closet, and there not only
+exhibit to him the diplomas which I already possess, but also to furnish
+him with a prophetic vision of those which I may, without undue
+presumption, hope for, as not beyond the reach of human ambition and
+attainment. And I am the rather induced to this from the fact, that my
+name has been unaccountably dropped from the last triennial catalogue of
+our beloved _Alma Mater_. Whether this is to be attributed to the
+difficulty of Latinizing any of those honorary adjuncts (with a complete
+list of which I took care to furnish the proper persons nearly a year
+beforehand), or whether it had its origin in any more culpable motives,
+I forbear to consider in this place, the matter being in course of
+painful investigation. But, however this may be, I felt the omission the
+more keenly, as I had, in expectation of the new catalogue, enriched the
+library of the Jaalam Athen�um with the old one then in my possession,
+by which means it has come about that my children will be deprived of a
+never-wearying winter-evening's amusement in looking out the name of
+their parent in that distinguished roll. Those harmless innocents had at
+least committed no----but I forbear, having intrusted my reflections and
+animadversions on this painful topic to the safe-keeping of my private
+diary, intended for posthumous publication. I state this fact here, in
+order that certain nameless individuals, who are, perhaps, overmuch
+congratulating themselves upon my silence, may know that a rod is in
+pickle which the vigorous hand of a justly incensed posterity will apply
+to their memories.
+
+The careful reader will note, that, in the list which I have prepared, I
+have included the names of several Cisatlantic societies to which a
+place is not commonly assigned in processions of this nature. I have
+ventured to do this, not only to encourage native ambition and genius,
+but also because I have never been able to perceive in what way distance
+(unless we suppose them at the end of a lever) could increase the weight
+of learned bodies. As far as I have been able to extend my researches
+among such stuffed specimens as occasionally reach America, I have
+discovered no generic difference between the antipodal _Fogrum
+Japonicum_ and the _F. Americanum_ sufficiently common in our own
+immediate neighbourhood. Yet, with a becoming deference to the popular
+belief, that distinctions of this sort are enhanced in value by every
+additional mile they travel, I have intermixed the names of some
+tolerably distant literary and other associations with the rest.
+
+I add here, also, an advertisement, which, that it may be the more
+readily understood by those persons especially interested therein, I
+have written in that curtailed and otherwise maltreated canine Latin, to
+the writing and reading of which they are accustomed.
+
+
+OMNIB. PER TOT. ORB. TERRAR. CATALOG. ACADEM. EDD.
+
+Minim. gent. diplom. ab inclytiss. acad. vest. orans, vir. honorand.
+operosiss., at sol. ut sciat. quant. glor. nom. meum (dipl. fort.
+concess.) catal. vest. temp. futur. affer., ill. subjec., addit. omnib.
+titul. honorar. qu. adh. non tant. opt. quam probab. put.
+
+*** _Litt. Uncial. distinx. ut Pr�s. S. Hist. Nat. Jaal._
+
+_HOMERUS WILBUR_, Mr., Episc. Jaalam. S. T. D. 1850, et Yal. 1849, et
+Neo-C�s. et Brun. et Gulielm. 1852, et Gul. et Mar. et Bowd. et
+Georgiop. et Viridimont. et Columb. Nov. Ebor. 1853, et Amherst. et
+Watervill. et S. Jarlath. Hib. et S. Mar. et S. Joseph. et S. And. Scot.
+1854, et Nashvill et Dart. et Dickins. et Concord. et Wash. et
+Columbian. et Charlest. et Jeff. et Dubl. et Oxon. et Cantab. et c�t.
+1855, P. U. N. C. H. et J. U. D. Gott. et Osnab. et Heidelb. 1860, et
+Acad. BORE US. Berolin. Soc. et SS. RR. Lugd. Bat. et Patav. et Lond. et
+Edinb. et Ins. Feejee. et Null. Terr. et Pekin. Soc. Hon. et S. H. S. et
+S. P. A. et A. A. S. et S. Humb. Univ. et S. Omn. Rer. Quarund. q.
+Aliar. Promov. Passamaquod. et H. P. C. et I. O. H. et {A. D. Ph.} et
+{P. K. R.} et {Ph. B. K.} et Peucin. et Erosoph. et Philadelph. et Frat.
+in Unit. et {S. T.} et S. Arch�olog. Athen. et Acad. Scient. et Lit.
+Panorm. et SS. R. H. Matrit. et Beeloochist. et Caffrar. et Caribb. et
+M. S. Reg. Paris. et S. Am. Antiserv. Soc. Hon. et P. D. Gott. et LL.D.
+1852, et D.C.L. et Mus. Doc. Oxon. 1860, et M. M. S. S. et M.D. 1854, et
+Med. Fac. Univ. Harv. Soc. et S. pro Convers. Pollywog. Soc. Hon. et
+Higgl. Piggl. et LL.B. 1853, et S. pro Christianiz. Moschet. Soc., et
+SS. Ante-Diluv. ubiq. Gent. Soc. Hon. et Civit. Cleric. Jaalam. et S.
+pro Diffus. General. Tenebr. Secret. Corr.
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+When, more than three years ago, my talented young parishioner, Mr.
+Biglow, came to me and submitted to my animadversions the first of his
+poems which he intended to commit to the more hazardous trial of a city
+newspaper, it never so much as entered my imagination to conceive that
+his productions would ever be gathered into a fair volume, and ushered
+into the august presence of the reading public by myself. So little are
+we short-sighted mortals able to predict the event! I confess that there
+is to me a quite new satisfaction in being associated (though only as
+sleeping partner) in a book which can stand by itself in an independent
+unity on the shelves of libraries. For there is always this drawback
+from the pleasure of printing a sermon, that, whereas the queasy stomach
+of this generation will not bear a discourse long enough to make a
+separate volume, those religious and godly-minded children (those
+Samuels, if I may call them so) of the brain must at first lie buried in
+an undistinguished heap, and then get such resurrection as is
+vouchsafed to them, mummy-wrapt with a score of others in a cheap
+binding, with no other mark of distinction than the word
+"_Miscellaneous_" printed upon the back. Far be it from me to claim any
+credit for the quite unexpected popularity which I am pleased to find
+these bucolic strains have attained unto. If I know myself, I am
+measurably free from the itch of vanity; yet I may be allowed to say
+that I was not backward to recognize in them a certain wild, puckery,
+acidulous (sometimes even verging toward that point which, in our rustic
+phrase, is termed _shut-eye_) flavour, not wholly unpleasing, nor
+unwholesome, to palates cloyed with the sugariness of tamed and
+cultivated fruit. It may be, also, that some touches of my own, here and
+there, may have led to their wider acceptance, albeit solely from my
+larger experience of literature and authorship.[3]
+
+I was, at first, inclined to discourage Mr. Biglow's attempts, as
+knowing that the desire to poetize is one of the diseases naturally
+incident to adolescence, which, if the fitting remedies be not at once
+and with a bold hand applied, may become chronic, and render one, who
+might else have become in due time an ornament of the social circle, a
+painful object even to nearest friends and relatives. But thinking, on a
+further experience, that there was a germ of promise in him which
+required only culture and the pulling up of weeds from around it, I
+thought it best to set before him the acknowledged examples of English
+compositions in verse, and leave the rest to natural emulation. With
+this view, I accordingly lent him some volumes of Pope and Goldsmith, to
+the assiduous study of which he promised to devote his evenings. Not
+long afterwards he brought me some verses written upon that model, a
+specimen of which I subjoin, having changed some phrases of less
+elegancy, and a few rhymes objectionable to the cultivated ear. The poem
+consisted of childish reminiscences, and the sketches which follow will
+not seem destitute of truth to those whose fortunate education began in
+a country village. And, first, let us hang up his charcoal portrait of
+the school-dame.
+
+    "Propt on the marsh, a dwelling now, I see
+    The humble school-house of my A, B, C,
+    Where well-drilled urchins, each behind his tire,
+    Waited in ranks the wished command to fire;
+    Then all together, when the signal came,
+    Discharged their _a-b abs_ against the dame,
+    Who, 'mid the volleyed learning, firm and calm,
+    Patted the furloughed ferule on her palm,
+    And, to our wonder, could detect at once,
+    Who flashed the pan, and who was downright dunce.
+
+    There young Devotion learned to climb with ease
+    The gnarly limbs of Scripture family-trees,
+    And he was most commended and admired
+    Who soonest to the topmost twig perspired;
+    Each name was called as many various ways
+    As pleased the reader's ear on different days,
+    So that the weather, or the ferule's stings,
+    Colds in the head, or fifty other things,
+    Transformed the helpless Hebrew thrice a week
+    To guttural Pequot or resounding Greek,
+    The vibrant accent skipping here and there,
+    Just as it pleased invention or despair;
+    No controversial Hebraist was the Dame;
+    With or without the points pleased her the same;
+    If any tyro found a name too tough,
+    And looked at her, pride furnished skill enough;
+    She nerved her larynx for the desperate thing,
+    And cleared the five-barred syllables at a spring.
+
+    Ah, dear old times! there once it was my hap,
+    Perched on a stool, to wear the long-eared cap;
+    From books degraded, there I sat at ease,
+    A drone, the envy of compulsory bees."
+
+I add only one further extract, which will possess a melancholy interest
+to all such as have endeavoured to glean the materials of Revolutionary
+history from the lips of aged persons, who took a part in the actual
+making of it, and, finding the manufacture profitable, continued the
+supply in an adequate proportion to the demand.
+
+    "Old Joe is gone, who saw hot Percy goad
+    His slow artillery up the Concord road,
+    A tale which grew in wonder, year by year,
+    As, every time he told it, Joe drew near
+    To the main fight, till, faded and grown gray,
+    The original scene to bolder tints gave way;
+    Then Joe had heard the foe's scared double-quick
+    Beat on stove drum with one uncaptured stick,
+    And, ere death came the lengthening tale to lop,
+    Himself had fired, and seen a red-coat drop;
+    Had Joe lived long enough, that scrambling fight
+    Had squared more nearly to his sense of right,
+    And vanquished Percy, to complete the tale,
+    Had hammered stone for life in Concord jail."
+
+I do not know that the foregoing extracts ought not to be called my own
+rather than Mr. Biglow's, as, indeed, he maintained stoutly that my file
+had left nothing of his in them. I should not, perhaps, have felt
+entitled to take so great liberties with them, had I not more than
+suspected an hereditary vein of poetry in myself, a very near ancestor
+having written a Latin poem in the Harvard _Gratulatio_ on the accession
+of George the Third. Suffice it to say, that, whether not satisfied with
+such limited approbation as I could conscientiously bestow, or from a
+sense of natural inaptitude, I know not, certain it is that my young
+friend could never be induced to any further essays in this kind. He
+affirmed that it was to him like writing in a foreign tongue,--that Mr.
+Pope's versification was like the regular ticking of one of Willard's
+clocks, in which one could fancy, after long listening, a certain kind
+of rhythm or tune, but which yet was only a poverty-stricken _tick,
+tick_ after all,--and that he had never seen a sweet-water on a trellis
+growing so fairly, or in forms so pleasing to his eye, as a fox-grape
+over a scrub-oak in a swamp. He added I know not what, to the effect
+that the sweet-water would only be the more disfigured by having its
+leaves starched and ironed out, and that Peg[=a]sus (so he called him)
+hardly looked right with his mane and tail in curl-papers. These and
+other such opinions I did not long strive to eradicate, attributing them
+rather to a defective education and senses untuned by too long
+familiarity with purely natural objects, than to a perverted moral
+sense. I was the more inclined to this leniency since sufficient
+evidence was not to seek, that his verses, as wanting as they certainly
+were in classic polish and point, had somehow taken hold of the public
+ear in a surprising manner. So, only setting him right as to the
+quantity of the proper name Pegasus, I left him to follow the bent of
+his natural genius.
+
+There are two things upon which it would seem fitting to dilate somewhat
+more largely in this place,--the Yankee character and the Yankee
+dialect. And, first, of the Yankee character, which has wanted neither
+open maligners, nor even more dangerous enemies in the persons of those
+unskilful painters who have given to it that hardness, angularity, and
+want of proper perspective, which, in truth, belonged, not to their
+subject, but to their own niggard and unskilful pencil.
+
+New England was not so much the colony of a mother country, as a Hagar
+driven forth into the wilderness. The little self-exiled band which came
+hither in 1620 came, not to seek gold, but to found a democracy. They
+came that they might have the privilege to work and pray, to sit upon
+hard benches and listen to painful preachers as long as they would, yea,
+even unto thirty-seventhly, if the spirit so willed it. And surely, if
+the Greek might boast his Thermopyl�, where three hundred men fell in
+resisting the Persian, we may well be proud of our Plymouth Rock, where
+a handful of men, women, and children not merely faced, but vanquished,
+winter, famine, the wilderness, and the yet more invincible _storge_
+that drew them back to the green island far away. These found no lotus
+growing upon the surly shore, the taste of which could make them forget
+their little native Ithaca; nor were they so wanting to themselves in
+faith as to burn their ship, but could see the fair west wind belly the
+homeward sail, and then turn unrepining to grapple with the terrible
+Unknown.
+
+As Want was the prime foe these hardy exodists had to fortress themselves
+against, so it is little wonder if that traditional feud is long in wearing
+out of the stock. The wounds of the old warfare were long ahealing, and an
+east wind of hard times puts a new ache in every one of them. Thrift was
+the first lesson in their horn-book, pointed out, letter after letter, by
+the lean finger of the hard schoolmaster, Necessity. Neither were those
+plump, rosy-gilled Englishmen that came hither, but a hard-faced,
+atrabilious, earnest-eyed race, stiff from long wrestling with the Lord in
+prayer, and who had taught Satan to dread the new Puritan hug. Add two
+hundred years' influence of soil, climate, and exposure, with its necessary
+result of idiosyncrasies, and we have the present Yankee, full of
+expedients, half-master of all trades, inventive in all but the beautiful,
+full of shifts, not yet capable of comfort, armed at all points against the
+old enemy Hunger, longanimous, good at patching, not so careful for what is
+best as for what will _do_, with a clasp to his purse and a button to his
+pocket, not skilled to build against Time, as in old countries, but against
+sore-pressing Need, accustomed to move the world with no {pou st�} but his
+own two feet, and no lever but his own long forecast. A strange hybrid,
+indeed, did circumstance beget, here in the New World, upon the old Puritan
+stock, and the earth never before saw such mystic-practicalism, such
+niggard-geniality, such calculating-fanaticism, such cast-iron-enthusiasm,
+such unwilling humour, such close-fisted-generosity. This new _Gr�culus
+esuriens_ will make a living out of any thing. He will invent new trades
+as well as tools. His brain is his capital, and he will get education at
+all risks. Put him on Juan Fernandez, and he would make a spelling-book
+first, and a salt-pan afterwards. _In c[oe]lum, jusseris, ibit_,--or the
+other way either,--it is all one, so any thing is to be got by it. Yet,
+after all, thin, speculative Jonathan is more like the Englishman of two
+centuries ago than John Bull himself is. He has lost somewhat in
+solidity, has become fluent and adaptable, but more of the original
+groundwork of character remains. He feels more at home with Fulke
+Greville, Herbert of Cherbury, Quarles, George Herbert, and Browne, than
+with his modern English cousins. He is nearer than John, by at least a
+hundred years, to Naseby, Marston Moor, Worcester, and the time when, if
+ever, there were true Englishmen. John Bull has suffered the idea of the
+Invisible to be very much flattened out of him. Jonathan is conscious
+still that he lives in the world of the Unseen as well as of the Seen.
+To move John, you must make your fulcrum of solid beef and pudding; an
+abstract idea will do for Jonathan.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+*** TO THE INDULGENT READER.
+
+My friend, the Rev. Mr. Wilbur, having been seized with a dangerous fit
+of illness, before this Introduction had passed through the press, and
+being incapacitated for all literary exertion, sent to me his notes,
+memoranda, &c., and requested me to fashion them into some shape more
+fitting for the general eye. This, owing to the fragmentary and
+disjointed state of his manuscripts, I have felt wholly unable to do;
+yet, being unwilling that the reader should be deprived of such parts of
+his lucubrations as seemed more finished, and not well discerning how to
+segregate these from the rest, I have concluded to send them all to the
+press precisely as they are.
+
+COLUMBUS NYE, _Pastor of a Church in Bungtown Corner_.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It remains to speak of the Yankee dialect. And, first, it may be
+premised, in a general way, that any one much read in the writings of
+the early colonists need not be told that the far greater share of the
+words and phrases now esteemed peculiar to New England, and local there,
+were brought from the mother-country. A person familiar with the dialect
+of certain portions of Massachusetts will not fail to recognize, in
+ordinary discourse, many words now noted in English vocabularies as
+archaic, the greater part of which were in common use about the time of
+the King James translation of the Bible. Shakspeare stands less in need
+of a glossary to most New Englanders than to many a native of the Old
+Country. The peculiarities of our speech, however, are rapidly wearing
+out. As there is no country where reading is so universal and newspapers
+are so multitudinous, so no phrase remains long local, but is
+transplanted in the mail-bags to every remotest corner of the land.
+Consequently our dialect approaches nearer to uniformity than that of
+any other nation.
+
+The English have complained of us for coining new words. Many of those
+so stigmatized were old ones by them forgotten, and all make now an
+unquestioned part of the currency, wherever English is spoken.
+Undoubtedly, we have a right to make new words, as they are needed by
+the fresh aspects under which life presents itself here in the New
+World; and, indeed, wherever a language is alive, it grows. It might be
+questioned whether we could not establish a stronger title to the
+ownership of the English tongue than the mother-islanders themselves.
+Here, past all question, is to be its great home and centre. And not
+only is it already spoken here by greater numbers, but with a far higher
+popular average of correctness, than in Britain. The great writers of
+it, too, we might claim as ours, were ownership to be settled by the
+number of readers and lovers.
+
+As regards the provincialisms to be met with in this volume, I may say
+that the reader will not find one which is not (as I believe) either
+native or imported with the early settlers, nor one which I have not,
+with my own ears, heard in familiar use. In the metrical portion of the
+book, I have endeavoured to adapt the spelling as nearly as possible to
+the ordinary mode of pronunciation. Let the reader who deems me
+overparticular remember this caution of Martial:--
+
+    "_Quem recitas, meus est, O Fidentine, libellus;
+    Sed male cum recitas, incipit esse tuus._"
+
+A few further explanatory remarks will not be impertinent.
+
+I shall barely lay down a few general rules for the reader's guidance.
+
+1. The genuine Yankee never gives the rough sound to the _r_ when he can
+help it, and often displays considerable ingenuity in avoiding it even
+before a vowel.
+
+2. He seldom sounds the final _g_, a piece of self-denial, if we
+consider his partiality for nasals. The same of the final _d_, as _han'_
+and _stan'_ for _hand_ and _stand_.
+
+3. The _h_ in such words as _while_, _when_, _where_, he omits
+altogether.
+
+4. In regard to _a_, he shows some inconsistency, sometimes giving a
+close and obscure sound, as _hev_ for _have_, _hendy_ for _handy_, _ez_
+for _as_, _thet_ for _that_, and again giving it the broad sound it has
+in _father_, as _h�nsome_ for _handsome_.
+
+5. To the sound _ou_ he prefixes an _e_ (hard to exemplify otherwise
+than orally).
+
+The following passage in Shakspeare he would recite thus:--
+
+    "Neow is the winta uv eour discontent
+    Med glorious summa by this sun o' Yock,
+    An' all the cleouds thet leowered upun eour heouse
+    In the deep buzzum o' the oshin buried;
+    Neow air eour breows beound 'ith victorious wreaths;
+    Eour breused arms hung up fer monimunce;
+    Eour starn alarums ch[)a]nged to merry meetins,
+    Eour dreffle marches to delightful measures.
+    Grim-visaged war heth smeuthed his wrinkled front,
+    An' neow, instid o' mountin' barebid steeds
+    To fright the souls o' ferfle edverseries,
+    He capers nimly in a lady's ch[)a]mber,
+    To the lascivious pleasin' uv a loot."
+
+6. _Au_, in such words as _daughter_ and _slaughter_, he pronounces
+_ah_.
+
+7. To the dish thus seasoned add a drawl _ad libitum_.
+
+
+[Mr. Wilbur's notes here become entirely fragmentary.--C. N.]
+
+
+{a}. Unable to procure a likeness of Mr. Biglow, I thought the curious
+reader might be gratified with a sight of the editorial effigies. And
+here a choice between two was offered,--the one a profile (entirely
+black) cut by Doyle, the other a portrait painted by a native artist of
+much promise. The first of these seemed wanting in expression, and in
+the second a slight obliquity of the visual organs has been heightened
+(perhaps from an over-desire of force on the part of the artist) into
+too close an approach to actual _strabismus_. This slight divergence in
+my optical apparatus from the ordinary model--however I may have been
+taught to regard it in the light of a mercy rather than a cross, since
+it enabled me to give as much of directness and personal application to
+my discourses as met the wants of my congregation, without risk of
+offending any by being supposed to have him or her in my eye (as the
+saying is)--seemed yet to Mrs. Wilbur a sufficient objection to the
+engraving of the aforesaid painting. We read of many who either
+absolutely refused to allow the copying of their features, as especially
+did Plotinus and Agesilaus among the ancients, not to mention the more
+modern instances of Scioppius Pal�ottus, Pinellus, Velserus, Gataker,
+and others, or were indifferent thereto, as Cromwell.
+
+{b}. Yet was C�sar desirous of concealing his baldness. _Per contra_, my
+Lord Protector's carefulness in the matter of his wart might be cited.
+Men generally more desirous of being _improved_ in their portraits than
+characters. Shall probably find very unflattered likenesses of ourselves
+in Recording Angel's gallery.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+{g}. Whether any of our national peculiarities may be traced to our use
+of stoves, as a certain closeness of the lips in pronunciation, and a
+smothered smoulderingness of disposition, seldom roused to open flame?
+An unrestrained intercourse with fire probably conducive to generosity
+and hospitality of soul. Ancient Mexicans used stoves, as the friar
+Augustin Ruiz reports, Hakluyt, III., 468,--but Popish priests not
+always reliable authority.
+
+To-day picked my Isabella grapes. Crop injured by attacks of rose-bug in
+the spring. Whether Noah was justifiable in preserving this class of
+insects?
+
+{d}. Concerning Mr. Biglow's pedigree. Tolerably certain that there was
+never a poet among his ancestors. An ordination hymn attributed to a
+maternal uncle, but perhaps a sort of production not demanding the
+creative faculty.
+
+His grandfather a painter of the grandiose or Michael Angelo school.
+Seldom painted objects smaller than houses or barns, and these with
+uncommon expression.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+{e}. Of the Wilburs no complete pedigree. The crest said to be a _wild
+boar_, whence, perhaps, the name. (?) A connection with the Earls of
+Wilbraham (_quasi_ wild boar ham) might be made out. This suggestion
+worth following up. In 1677, John W. m. Expect ----, had issue, 1. John,
+2. Haggai, 3. Expect, 4. Ruhamah, 5. Desire.
+
+    "Hear lyes y^e bodye of Mrs Expect Wilber,
+    Y^e crewell salvages they kil'd her
+    Together w^th other Christian soles eleaven,
+    October y^e ix daye, 1707.
+    Y^e stream of Jordan sh' as crost ore
+    And now expeacts me on y^e other shore:
+    I live in hope her soon to join;
+    Her earthlye yeeres were forty and nine."
+          _From Gravestone in Pekussett, North Parish._
+
+This is unquestionably the same John who afterward (1711) married
+Tabitha Hagg or Rag.
+
+But if this were the case, she seems to have died early; for only three
+years after, namely, 1714, we have evidence that he married Winifred,
+daughter of Lieutenant Tipping.
+
+He seems to have been a man of substance, for we find him in 1696
+conveying "one undivided eightieth part of a salt-meadow" in Yabbok, and
+he commanded a sloop in 1702.
+
+Those who doubt the importance of genealogical studies _fuste potius
+quam argumento erudiendi_.
+
+I trace him as far as 1723, and there lose him. In that year he was
+chosen selectman.
+
+No gravestone. Perhaps overthrown when new hearse-house was built, 1802.
+
+He was probably the son of John, who came from Bilham Comit. Salop.
+circa 1642.
+
+This first John was a man of considerable importance, being twice
+mentioned with the honourable prefix of _Mr._ in the town records. Name
+spelt with two _l_-s.
+
+    "Hear lyeth y^e bod [_stone unhappily broken_.]
+    Mr. Ihon Willber [Esq.] [_I inclose this in brackets as doubtful. To
+              me it seems clear._]
+    Ob't die [_illegible; looks like xviii._] ... iii [_prob. 1693._]
+    ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... paynt
+    ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... deseased seinte:
+    A friend and [fath]er untoe all y^e opreast,
+    Hee gave y^e wicked familists noe reast,
+    When Sat[an bl]ewe his Antinomian blaste,
+    Wee clong to [Willber as a steadf]ast maste.
+    [A]gaynst y^e horrid Qua[kers]...."
+
+It is greatly to be lamented that this curious epitaph is mutilated. It
+is said that the sacrilegious British soldiers made a target of this
+stone during the war of Independence. How odious an animosity which
+pauses not at the grave! How brutal that which spares not the monuments
+of authentic history! This is not improbably from the pen of Rev. Moddy
+Pyram, who is mentioned by Hubbard as having been noted for a silver
+vein of poetry. If his papers be still extant, a copy might possibly be
+recovered.
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[3] The reader curious in such matters may refer (if he can find them)
+to "A Sermon preached on the Anniversary of the Dark Day," "An Artillery
+Election Sermon," "A Discourse on the Late Eclipse," "Dorcas, a Funeral
+Sermon on the Death of Madam Submit Tidd, Relict of the late Experience
+Tidd, Esq." &c. &c.
+
+
+
+
+THE BIGLOW PAPERS.
+
+
+
+
+No. I.
+
+A LETTER
+
+ FROM MR. EZEKIEL BIGLOW OF JAALAM TO THE HON. JOSEPH
+   T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, INCLOSING
+   A POEM OF HIS SON, MR. HOSEA BIGLOW.
+
+
+                                                JAYLEM, june 1846.
+
+MISTER EDDYTER:--Our Hosea wuz down to Boston last week, and he see a
+cruetin Sarjunt a struttin round as popler as a hen with 1 chicking,
+with 2 fellers a drummin and fifin arter him like all nater. the sarjunt
+he thout Hosea hedn't gut his i teeth cut cos he looked a kindo's though
+he'd jest com down, so he cal'lated to hook him in, but Hosy woodn't
+take none o' his sarse for all he hed much as 20 Rooster's tales stuck
+onto his hat and eenamost enuf brass a bobbin up and down on his
+shoulders and figureed onto his coat and trousis, let alone wut nater
+hed sot in his featers, to make a 6 pounder out on.
+
+wal, Hosea he com home considerabal riled, and arter I d gone to bed I
+heern Him a thrashin round like a short-tailed Bull in fli-time. The old
+Woman ses she to me ses she, Zekle, ses she, our Hosee's gut the
+chollery or suthin anuther ses she, don't you Bee skeered, ses I, he's
+oney amakin pottery[4] ses i, he's ollers on hand at that ere busynes
+like Da & martin, and shure enuf, cum mornin, Hosy he cum down stares
+full chizzle, hare on eend and cote tales flyin, and sot rite of to go
+reed his varses to Parson Wilbur bein he haint aney grate shows o' book
+larnin himself, bimeby he cum back and sed the parson wuz dreffle
+tickled with 'em as i hoop you will Be, and said they wuz True grit.
+
+Hosea ses taint hardly fair to call 'em hisn now, cos the parson kind o'
+slicked off sum o' the last varses, but he told Hosee he didn't want to
+put his ore in to tetch to the Rest on 'em, bein they wuz verry well As
+thay wuz, and then Hosy ses he sed suthin a nuther about Simplex
+Mundishes or sum sech feller, but I guess Hosea kind o' didn't hear him,
+for I never hearn o' nobody o' that name in this villadge, and I've
+lived here man and boy 76 year cum next tater diggin, and thair aint no
+wheres a kitting spryer 'n I be.
+
+If you print 'em I wish you'd jest let folks know who hosy's father is,
+cos my ant Keziah used to say it's nater to be curus ses she, she aint
+livin though and he's a likely kind o' lad.
+
+                                                   EZEKIEL BIGLOW.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    Thrash away, you 'll _hev_ to rattle
+      On them kittle drums o' yourn,--
+    'Taint a knowin' kind o' cattle
+      Thet is ketched with mouldy corn;
+    Put in stiff, you fifer feller,
+      Let folks see how spry you be,--
+    Guess you 'll toot till you are yeller
+      'Fore you git ahold o' me!
+
+    Thet air flag 's a leetle rotten,
+      Hope it aint your Sunday's best;--
+    Fact! it takes a sight o' cotton
+      To stuff out a soger's chest:
+    Sence we farmers hev to pay fer 't,
+      Ef you must wear humps like these,
+    Sposin' you should try salt hay fer 't,
+      It would du ez slick ez grease.
+
+    'T would n't suit them Southern fellers,
+      They 're a dreffle graspin' set,
+    We must ollers blow the bellers
+      Wen they want their irons het;
+    May be it 's all right ez preachin',
+      But _my_ narves it kind o' grates,
+    Wen I see the overreachin'
+      O' them nigger-drivin' States.
+
+    Them thet rule us, them slave-traders,
+      Haint they cut a thunderin' swarth
+    (Helped by Yankee renegaders),
+      Thru the vartu o' the North!
+    We begin to think it 's nater
+      To take sarse an' not be riled;--
+    Who 'd expect to see a tater
+      All on eend at bein' biled?
+
+    Ez fer war, I call it murder,--
+      There you hev it plain an' flat;
+    I don't want to go no furder
+      Than my Testyment fer that;
+    God hez sed so plump an' fairly,
+      It 's ez long ez it is broad,
+    An' you 've gut to git up airly
+      Ef you want to take in God.
+
+    'Taint your eppyletts an' feathers
+      Make the thing a grain more right;
+    Taint afollerin' your bell-wethers
+      Will excuse ye in His sight;
+    Ef you take a sword an' dror it,
+      An' go stick a feller thru,
+    Guv'ment aint to answer for it,
+      God 'll send the bill to you.
+
+    Wut 's the use o' meetin-goin'
+      Every Sabbath, wet or dry,
+    Ef it 's right to go amowin'
+      Feller-men like oats an' rye?
+    I dunno but wut it's pooty
+      Trainin' round in bobtail coats,--
+    But it 's curus Christian dooty
+      This ere cuttin' folks's throats.
+
+    They may talk o' Freedom's airy
+      Tell they 're pupple in the face,--
+    It 's a grand gret cemetary
+      Fer the barthrights of our race;
+    They jest want this Californy
+      So 's to lug new slave-states in
+    To abuse ye, an' to scorn ye,
+      An' to plunder ye like sin.
+
+    Aint it cute to see a Yankee
+      Take sech everlastin' pains
+    All to git the Devil's thankee,
+      Helpin' on 'em weld their chains?
+    Wy, it 's jest ez clear ez figgers,
+      Clear ez one an' one make two,
+    Chaps thet make black slaves o' niggers
+      Want to make wite slaves o' you.
+
+    Tell ye jest the eend I've come to
+      Arter cipherin' plaguy smart,
+    An' it makes a handy sum, tu,
+      Any gump could larn by heart;
+    Laborin' man an' laborin' woman
+      Hev one glory an' one shame,
+    Ev'y thin' thet 's done inhuman
+      Injers all on 'em the same.
+
+    'Taint by turnin' out to hack folks
+      You 're agoin' to git your right,
+    Nor by lookin' down on black folks
+      Coz you 're put upon by wite;
+    Slavery aint o' nary colour,
+      'Taint the hide thet makes it wus,
+    All it keers fer in a feller
+      'S jest to make him fill its pus.
+
+    Want to tackle _me_ in, du ye?
+      I expect you 'll hev to wait;
+    Wen cold lead puts daylight thru ye
+      You 'll begin to kal'late;
+    'Spose the crows wun't fall to pickin'
+      All the carkiss from your bones,
+    Coz you helped to give a lickin'
+      To them poor half-Spanish drones?
+
+    Jest go home an' ask our Nancy
+      Wether I'd be sech a goose
+    Ez to jine ye,--guess you'd fancy
+      The etarnal bung wuz loose!
+    She wants me fer home consumption,
+      Let alone the hay 's to mow,--
+    Ef you 're arter folks o' gumption,
+      You've a darned long row to hoe.
+
+    Take them editors thet 's crowin'
+      Like a cockerel three months old,--
+    Don't ketch any on 'em goin',
+      Though they _be_ so blasted bold;
+    _Aint_ they a prime set o' fellers?
+      'Fore they think on 't they will sprout
+    (Like a peach thet's got the yellers),
+      With the meanness bustin' out.
+
+    Wal, go 'long to help 'em stealin'
+      Bigger pens to cram with slaves,
+    Help the men thet 's ollers dealin'
+      Insults on your fathers' graves;
+    Help the strong to grind the feeble,
+      Help the many agin the few,
+    Help the men thet call your people
+      Witewashed slaves an' peddlin' crew!
+
+    Massachusetts, God forgive her,
+      She's akneelin' with the rest,
+    She, thet ough' to ha' clung fer ever
+      In her grand old eagle-nest;
+    She thet ough' to stand so fearless
+      Wile the wracks are round her hurled,
+    Holdin' up a beacon peerless
+      To the oppressed of all the world!
+
+    Haint they sold your coloured seamen?
+      Haint they made your env'ys wiz?
+    _Wut_ 'll make ye act like freemen?
+      _Wut_ 'll git your dander riz?
+    Come, I'll tell ye wut I 'm thinkin'
+      Is our dooty in this fix,
+    They 'd ha' done 't ez quick ez winkin'
+      In the days o' seventy-six.
+
+    Clang the bells in every steeple,
+      Call all true men to disown
+    The tradoocers of our people,
+      The enslavers o' their own;
+    Let our dear old Bay State proudly
+      Put the trumpet to her mouth,
+    Let her ring this messidge loudly
+      In the ears of all the South:--
+
+    "I 'll return ye good fer evil
+      Much ez we frail mortils can,
+    But I wun't go help the Devil
+      Makin' man the cus o' man;
+    Call me coward, call me traiter,
+      Jest ez suits your mean idees,--
+    Here I stand a tyrant-hater,
+      An' the friend o' God an Peace!"
+
+    Ef I'd _my_ way I hed ruther
+      We should go to work an' part,--
+    They take one way, we take t'other,--
+      Guess it would n't break my heart;
+    Men hed ough' to put asunder
+      Them thet God has noways jined;
+    An' I should n't gretly wonder
+      Ef there 's thousands o' my mind.
+
+
+[The first recruiting sergeant on record I conceive to have been that
+individual who is mentioned in the Book of Job as _going to and fro in
+the earth, and walking up and down in it_. Bishop Latimer will have him
+to have been a bishop, but to me that other calling would appear more
+congenial. The sect of Cainites is not yet extinct, who esteemed the
+first-born of Adam to be the most worthy, not only because of that
+privilege of primogeniture, but inasmuch as he was able to overcome and
+slay his younger brother. That was a wise saying of the famous Marquis
+Pescara to the Papal Legate, that _it was impossible for men to serve
+Mars and Christ at the same time_. Yet in time past the profession of
+arms was judged to be {kat' exoch�n} that of a gentleman, nor does this
+opinion want for strenuous upholders even in our day. Must we suppose,
+then, that the profession of Christianity was only intended for losels,
+or, at best, to afford an opening for plebeian ambition? Or shall we
+hold with that nicely metaphysical Pomeranian, Captain Vratz, who was
+Count K�nigsmark's chief instrument in the murder of Mr. Thynne, that
+the scheme of salvation has been arranged with an especial eye to the
+necessities of the upper classes, and that "God would consider _a
+gentleman_, and deal with him suitably to the condition and profession
+he had placed him in"? It may be said of us all, _Exemplo plus quam
+ratione vivimus_.--H. W.]
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[4] _Aut insanit, aut versus facit._--H. W.
+
+
+
+
+No. II.
+
+A LETTER
+
+ FROM MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE HON. J. T. BUCKINGHAM,
+   EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, COVERING A LETTER FROM
+   MR. B. SAWIN, PRIVATE IN THE MASSACHUSETTS REGIMENT.
+
+
+[This letter of Mr. Sawin's was not originally written in verse. Mr.
+Biglow, thinking it peculiarly susceptible of metrical adornment,
+translated it, so to speak, into his own vernacular tongue. This is not
+the time to consider the question, whether rhyme be a mode of expression
+natural to the human race. If leisure from other and more important
+avocations be granted, I will handle the matter more at large in an
+appendix to the present volume. In this place I will barely remark, that
+I have sometimes noticed in the unlanguaged prattlings of infants a
+fondness for alliteration, assonance, and even rhyme, in which natural
+predisposition we may trace the three degrees through which our
+Anglo-Saxon verse rose to its culmination in the poetry of Pope. I would
+not be understood as questioning in these remarks that pious theory
+which supposes that children, if left entirely to themselves, would
+naturally discourse in Hebrew. For this the authority of one experiment
+is claimed, and I could, with Sir Thomas Browne, desire its
+establishment, inasmuch as the acquirement of that sacred tongue would
+thereby be facilitated. I am aware that Herodotus states the conclusion
+of Psammiticus to have been in favour of a dialect of the Phrygian.
+But, beside the chance that a trial of this importance would hardly be
+blessed to a Pagan monarch whose only motive was curiosity, we have on
+the Hebrew side the comparatively recent investigation of James the
+Fourth of Scotland. I will add to this prefatory remark, that Mr. Sawin,
+though a native of Jaalam, has never been a stated attendant on the
+religious exercises of my congregation. I consider my humble efforts
+prospered in that not one of my sheep hath ever indued the wolf's
+clothing of war, save for the comparatively innocent diversion of a
+militia training. Not that my flock are backward to undergo the
+hardships of _defensive_ warfare. They serve cheerfully in the great
+army which fights even unto death _pro aris et focis_, accoutred with
+the spade, the axe, the plane, the sledge, the spelling-book, and other
+such effectual weapons against want and ignorance and unthrift. I have
+taught them (under God) to esteem our human institutions as but tents of
+a night, to be stricken whenever Truth puts the bugle to her lips, and
+sounds a march to the heights of wider-viewed intelligence and more
+perfect organization.--H. W.]
+
+
+MISTER BUCKINUM, the follerin Billet was writ hum by a Yung feller of
+our town that wuz cussed fool enuff to goe atrottin inter Miss Chiff
+arter a Drum and fife. it ain't Nater for a feller to let on that he's
+sick o' any bizness that He went intu off his own free will and a Cord,
+but I rather cal'late he's middlin tired o' Voluntearin By this Time. I
+bleeve u may put dependunts on his statemence. For I never heered nothin
+bad on him let Alone his havin what Parson Wilbur calls a _pongshong_
+for cocktales, and he ses it wuz a soshiashun of idees sot him agoin
+arter the Crootin Sargient cos he wore a cocktale onto his hat.
+
+his Folks gin the letter to me and i shew it to parson Wilbur and he ses
+it oughter Bee printed. send It to mister Buckinum, ses he, i don't
+ollers agree with him, ses he, but by Time,[5] ses he, I _du_ like a
+feller that ain't a Feared.
+
+I have intusspussed a Few refleckshuns hear and thair. We're kind o'
+prest with Hayin.
+
+                                         Ewers respecfly,
+
+                                                    HOSEA BIGLOW.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    This kind o' sogerin' aint a mite like our October trainin',
+    A chap could clear right out from there ef 't only looked like rainin'.
+    An' th' Cunnles, tu, could kiver up their shappoes with bandanners,
+    An' send the insines skootin' to the bar-room with their banners
+    (Fear o' gittin' on 'em spotted), an' a feller could cry quarter
+    Ef he fired away his ramrod arter tu much rum an' water.
+
+    Recollect wut fun we hed, you 'n I an' Ezry Hollis,
+    Up there to Waltham plain last fall, ahavin' the Cornwallis?[6]
+    This sort o' thing aint _jest_ like thet,--I wish thet I wuz
+              furder,--[7]
+    Nimepunce a day fer killin' folks comes kind o' low fer murder
+    (Wy I 've worked out to slarterin' some fer Deacon Cephas Billins,
+    An' in the hardest times there wuz I ollers tetched ten shillins),
+    There's sutthin' gits into my throat thet makes it hard to swaller,
+    It comes so nateral to think about a hempen collar;
+    It 's glory,--but, in spite o' all my tryin' to git callous,
+    I feel a kind o' in a cart, aridin' to the gallus.
+    But wen it comes to _bein'_ killed,--I tell ye I felt streaked
+    The fust time ever I found out wy baggonets wuz peaked;
+    Here's how it wuz: I started out to go to a fandango,
+    The sentinul he ups an' sez, "Thet 's furder 'an you can go."
+    "None o' your sarse," sez I; sez he, "Stan' back!" "Aint you a buster?"
+    Sez I, "I 'm up to all thet air, I guess I've ben to muster;
+    I know wy sentinuls air sot; you aint agoin' to eat us;
+    Caleb haint no monopoly to court the seenoreetas;
+    My folks to hum air full ez good ez hisn be, by golly!"
+    An' so ez I wuz goin' by, not thinkin' wut would folly,
+    The everlastin' cus he stuck his one-pronged pitchfork in me
+    An' made a hole right thru my close ez ef I wuz an in'my.
+    Wal, it beats all how big I felt hoorawin' in ole Funnel
+    Wen Mister Bolles he gin the sword to our Leftenant Cunnle
+    (It 's Mister Secondary Bolles,[8] thet writ the prize peace essay;
+    Thet 's wy he did n't list himself along o us, I dessay),
+    An' Rantoul, tu, talked pooty loud, but don't put _his_ foot in it,
+    Coz human life 's so sacred thet he 's principled agin' it,--
+    Though I myself can 't rightly see it 's any wus achokin' on 'em
+    Than puttin' bullets thru their lights, or with a bagnet pokin' on 'em;
+    How dreffle slick he reeled it off (like Blitz at our lyceum
+    Ahaulin' ribbins from his chops so quick you skeercely see 'em),
+    About the Anglo-Saxon race (an' saxons would be handy
+    To du the buryin' down here upon the Rio Grandy),
+    About our patriotic pas an' our star-spangled banner,
+    Our country's bird alookin' on an' singin' out hosanner,
+    An' how he (Mister B. himself) wuz happy fer Ameriky,--
+    I felt, ez sister Patience sez, a leetle mite histericky.
+    I felt, I swon, ez though it wuz a dreffle kind o' privilege
+    Atrampin' round thru Boston streets among the gutter's drivelage;
+    I act'lly thought it wuz a treat to hear a little drummin',
+    An' it did bonyfidy seem millanyum wuz acomin'
+    Wen all on us got suits (darned like them wore in the state prison)
+    An' every feller felt ez though all Mexico wuz hisn.[9]
+
+    This 'ere 's about the meanest place a skunk could wal diskiver
+    (Saltillo 's Mexican, I b'lieve, fer wut we call Saltriver).
+    The sort o' trash a feller gits to eat doos beat all nater,
+    I 'd give a year's pay fer a smell o' one good bluenose tater;
+    The country here thet Mister Bolles declared to be so charmin'
+    Throughout is swarmin' with the most alarmin' kind o' varmin'.
+    He talked about delishis froots, but then it wuz a wopper all,
+    The holl on't 's mud an' prickly pears, with here an' there a
+              chapparal;
+    You see a feller peekin' out, an', fust you know, a lariat
+    Is round your throat an' you a copse, 'fore you can say, "Wut air ye
+              at?"[10]
+    You never see sech darned gret bugs (it may not be irrelevant
+    To say I 've seen a _scarab�us pilularius_[11] big ez a year old
+              elephant),
+    The rigiment come up one day in time to stop a red bug
+    From runnin' off with Cunnle Wright,--'t wuz jest a common _cimex
+              lectularius_.
+    One night I started up on eend an' thought I wuz to hum agin,
+    I heern a horn, thinks I it 's Sol the fisherman hez come agin,
+    _His_ bellowses is sound enough,--ez I 'm a livin' creeter,
+    I felt a thing go thru my leg,--'t wuz nothin' more 'n a skeeter!
+    Then there 's the yaller fever, tu, they call it here el vomito,--
+    (Come, thet wun't du, you landcrab there, I tell ye to le' _go_ my toe!
+    My gracious! it 's a scorpion thet 's took a shine to play with 't,
+    I dars n't skeer the tarnal thing fer fear he 'd run away with 't.)
+    Afore I come away from hum I hed a strong persuasion
+    Thet Mexicans worn't human beans,[12]--an ourang outang nation,
+    A sort o' folks a chap could kill an' never dream on 't arter,
+    No more 'n a feller 'd dream o' pigs thet he hed hed to slarter;
+    I 'd an idee thet they were built arter the darkie fashion all,
+    An' kickin' coloured folks about, you know, 's a kind o' national;
+    But wen I jined I worn't so wise ez thet air queen o' Sheby,
+    Fer, come to look at 'em, they aint much diff'rent from wut we be,
+    An' here we air ascrougin' 'em out o' thir own dominions,
+    Ashelterin' 'em, ez Caleb sez, under our eagle's pinions,
+    Wich means to take a feller up jest by the slack o' 's trowsis
+    An' walk him Spanish clean right out o' all his homes an' houses;
+    Wal, it doos seem a curus way, but then hooraw fer Jackson!
+    It must be right, fer Caleb sez it 's reg'lar Anglosaxon.
+    The Mex'cans don't fight fair, they say, they piz'n all the water,
+    An' du amazin' lots o' things thet is n't wut they ough' to;
+    Bein' they haint no lead, they make their bullets out o' copper
+    An' shoot the darned things at us, tu, wich Caleb sez aint proper;
+    He sez they 'd ough' to stan' right up an' let us pop 'em fairly
+    (Guess wen he ketches 'em at thet he 'll hev to git up airly),
+    Thet our nation 's bigger 'n theirn an' so its rights air bigger,
+    An' thet it 's all to make 'em free thet we air pullin' trigger,
+    Thet Anglo Saxondom's idee 's abreakin' 'em to pieces,
+    An' thet idee 's thet every man doos jest wut he damn pleases;
+    Ef I don't make his meanin' clear, perhaps in some respex I can,
+    I know thet "every man" don't mean a nigger or a Mexican;
+    An' there 's another thing I know, an' thet is, ef these creeturs,
+    Thet stick an Anglosaxon mask onto State-prison feeturs,
+    Should come to Jaalam Centre fer to argify an' spout on 't,
+    The gals 'ould count the silver spoons the minnit they cleared out
+              on 't.
+
+    This goin' ware glory waits ye haint one agreeable feetur,
+    An' ef it worn't fer wakin' snakes, I 'd home agin short meter;
+    O, would n't I be off, quick time, ef 't worn't thet I wuz sartin
+    They 'd let the daylight into me to pay me fer desartin!
+    I don't approve o' tellin' tales, but jest to you I may state
+    Our ossifers aint wut they wuz afore they left the Bay-state;
+    Then it wuz "Mister Sawin, sir, you 're middlin' well now, be ye?
+    Step up an' take a nipper, sir; I 'm dreffle glad to see ye;"
+    But now it 's "Ware 's my eppylet? here, Sawin, step an' fetch it!
+    An' mind your eye, be thund'rin' spry, or, damn ye, you shall ketch
+              it!"
+    Wal, ez the Doctor sez, some pork will bile so, but by mighty,
+    Ef I hed some on 'em to hum, I 'd give 'em linkum vity,
+    I 'd play the rogue's march on their hides an' other music
+              follerin'----
+    But I must close my letter here, for one on 'em 's ahollerin',
+    These Anglosaxon ossifers,--wal, taint no use ajawin',
+    I 'm safe enlisted fer the war,
+
+                                        Yourn,
+
+                                                BIRDOFREDOM SAWIN.
+
+
+[Those have not been wanting (as, indeed, when hath Satan been to seek
+for attorneys?) who have maintained that our late inroad upon Mexico was
+undertaken, not so much for the avenging of any national quarrel, as for
+the spreading of free institutions and of Protestantism. _Capita vix
+duabus Anticyris medenda!_ Verily I admire that no pious sergeant among
+these new Crusaders beheld Martin Luther riding at the front of the host
+upon a tamed pontifical bull, as, in that former invasion of Mexico, the
+zealous Diaz (spawn though he were of the Scarlet Woman) was favoured
+with a vision of St. James of Compostella, skewering the infidels upon
+his apostolical lance. We read, also, that Richard of the lion heart,
+having gone to Palestine on a similar errand of mercy, was divinely
+encouraged to cut the throats of such Paynims as refused to swallow the
+bread of life (doubtless that they might be thereafter incapacitated for
+swallowing the filthy gobbets of Mahound) by angels of heaven, who cried
+to the king and his knights,--_Seigneurs, tuez! tuez!_ providentially
+using the French tongue, as being the only one understood by their
+auditors. This would argue for the pantoglottism of these celestial
+intelligences, while, on the other hand, the Devil, _teste_ Cotton
+Mather, is unversed in certain of the Indian dialects. Yet must he be a
+semeiologist the most expert, making himself intelligible to every
+people and kindred by signs; no other discourse, indeed, being needful,
+than such as the mackerel-fisher holds with his finned quarry, who, if
+other bait be wanting, can by a bare bit of white rag at the end of a
+string captivate those foolish fishes. Such piscatorial oratory is Satan
+cunning in. Before one he trails a hat and feather, or a bare feather
+without a hat; before another, a Presidential chair, or a tidewaiter's
+stool, or a pulpit in the city, no matter what. To us, dangling there
+over our heads, they seem junkets dropped out of the seventh heaven,
+sops dipped in nectar, but, once in our mouths, they are all one, bits
+of fuzzy cotton.
+
+This, however, by the way. It is time now _revocare gradum_. While so
+many miracles of this sort, vouched by eye-witnesses, have encouraged
+the arms of Papists, not to speak of those _Dioscuri_ (whom we must
+conclude imps of the pit) who sundry times captained the pagan Roman
+soldiery, it is strange that our first American crusade was not in some
+such wise also signalized. Yet it is said that the Lord hath manifestly
+prospered our armies. This opens the question, whether, when our hands
+are strengthened to make great slaughter of our enemies, it be
+absolutely and demonstratively certain that this might is added to us
+from above, or whether some Potentate from an opposite quarter may not
+have a finger in it, as there are few pies into which his meddling
+digits are not thrust. Would the Sanctifier and Setter-apart of the
+seventh day have assisted in a victory gained on the Sabbath, as was one
+in the late war? Or has that day become less an object of his especial
+care since the year 1697, when so manifest a providence occurred to Mr.
+William Trowbridge, in answer to whose prayers, when he and all on
+shipboard with him were starving, a dolphin was sent daily, "which was
+enough to serve 'em; only on _Saturdays_ they still catched a couple,
+and on the _Lord's Days_ they could catch none at all"? Haply they might
+have been permitted, by way of mortification, to take some few sculpins
+(those banes of the salt-water angler), which unseemly fish would,
+moreover, have conveyed to them a symbolical reproof for their breach of
+the day, being known in the rude dialect of our mariners as _Cape Cod
+Clergymen_.
+
+It has been a refreshment to many nice consciences to know that our
+Chief Magistrate would not regard with eyes of approval the (by many
+esteemed) sinful pastime of dancing, and I own myself to be so far of
+that mind, that I could not but set my face against this Mexican Polka,
+though danced to the Presidential piping with a Gubernatorial second. If
+ever the country should be seized with another such mania _de propagand�
+fide_, I think it would be wise to fill our bombshells with alternate
+copies of the Cambridge Platform and the Thirty-nine Articles, which
+would produce a mixture of the highest explosive power, and to wrap
+every one of our cannon-balls in a leaf of the New Testament, the
+reading of which is denied to those who sit in the darkness of Popery.
+Those iron evangelists would thus be able to disseminate vital religion
+and Gospel truth in quarters inaccessible to the ordinary missionary. I
+have seen lads, unimpregnate with the more sublimated punctiliousness of
+Walton, secure pickerel, taking their unwary _siesta_ beneath the
+lily-pads too nigh the surface, with a gun and small shot. Why not,
+then, since gunpowder was unknown to the apostles (not to enter here
+upon the question whether it were discovered before that period by the
+Chinese), suit our metaphor to the age in which we live, and say
+_shooters_ as well as _fishers_ of men?
+
+I do much fear that we shall be seized now and then with a Protestant
+fervour, as long as we have neighbour Naboths whose wallowings in
+Papistical mire excite our horror in exact proportion to the size and
+desirableness of their vineyards. Yet I rejoice that some earnest
+Protestants have been made by this war,--I mean those who protested
+against it. Fewer they were than I could wish, for one might imagine
+America to have been colonized by a tribe of those nondescript African
+animals the Aye-Ayes, so difficult a word is _No_ to us all. There is
+some malformation or defect of the vocal organs, which either prevents
+our uttering it at all, or gives it so thick a pronunciation as to be
+unintelligible. A mouth filled with the national pudding, or watering in
+expectation thereof, is wholly incompetent to this refractory
+monosyllable. An abject and herpetic Public Opinion is the Pope, the
+Anti-Christ, for us to protest against _e corde cordium_. And by what
+College of Cardinals is this our God's-vicar, our binder and looser,
+elected? Very like, by the sacred conclave of Tag, Rag, and Bobtail, the
+gracious atmosphere of the grog-shop. Yet it is of this that we must all
+be puppets. This thumps the pulpit-cushion, this guides the editor's
+pen, this wags the senator's tongue. This decides what Scriptures are
+canonical, and shuffles Christ away into the Apocrypha. According to
+that sentence fathered upon Solon, {Hout� d�mosion kakon erchetai oikad'
+hekast�}. This unclean spirit is skilful to assume various shapes. I
+have known it to enter my own study and nudge my elbow of a Saturday,
+under the semblance of a wealthy member of my congregation. It were a
+great blessing, if every particular of what in the sum we call popular
+sentiment could carry about the name of its manufacturer stamped legibly
+upon it. I gave a stab under the fifth rib to that pestilent
+fallacy,--"Our country, right or wrong,"--by tracing its original to a
+speech of Ensign Cilley at a dinner of the Bungtown Fencibles.--H. W.]
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[5] In relation to this expression, I cannot but think that Mr. Biglow
+has been too hasty in attributing it to me. Though Time be a
+comparatively innocent personage to swear by, and though Longinus in his
+discourse {Peri Hypsous} has commended timely oaths as not only a useful
+but sublime figure of speech, yet I have always kept my lips free from
+that abomination. _Odi profanum vulgus_, I hate your swearing and
+hectoring fellows.--H. W.
+
+[6] i hait the Site of a feller with a muskit as I du pizn But their
+_is_ fun to a cornwallis I aint agoin' to deny it.--H. B.
+
+[7] he means Not quite so fur i guess.--H. B.
+
+[8] the ignerant creeter means Sekketary; but he ollers stuck to his
+books like cobbler's wax to an ile-stone.--H. B.
+
+[9] it must be aloud that thare 's a streak o' nater in lovin' sho, but
+it sartinly is 1 of the curusest things in nater to see a rispecktable
+dri goods dealer (deekon off a chutch mayby) a riggin' himself out in
+the Weigh they du and struttin' round in the Reign aspilin' his trowsis
+and makin' wet goods of himself. Ef any thin 's foolisher and moor
+dicklus than militerry gloary it is milishy gloary.--H. B.
+
+[10] these fellers are verry proppilly called Rank Heroes, and the more
+tha kill the ranker and more Herowick tha bekum.--H. B.
+
+[11] it wuz "tumblebug" as he Writ it, but the parson put the Latten
+instid. i sed tother maid better meeter, but he said tha was eddykated
+peepl to Boston and tha would n't stan' it no how. idnow as tha _wood_
+and idnow _as_ tha wood.--H. B.
+
+[12] he means human beins, that 's wut he means. i spose he kinder
+thought tha wuz human beans ware the Xisle Poles comes from.--H. B.
+
+
+
+
+No. III.
+
+WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS.
+
+
+[A few remarks on the following verses will not be out of place. The
+satire in them was not meant to have any personal, but only a general,
+application. Of the gentleman upon whose letter they were intended as a
+commentary Mr. Biglow had never heard, till he saw the letter itself.
+The position of the satirist is oftentimes one which he would not have
+chosen had the election been left to himself. In attacking bad
+principles, he is obliged to select some individual who has made himself
+their exponent, and in whom they are impersonate, to the end that what
+he says may not, through ambiguity, be dissipated _tenues in auras_. For
+what says Seneca? _Longum iter per pr�cepta, breve et efficace per
+exempla._ A bad principle is comparatively harmless while it continues
+to be an abstraction, nor can the general mind comprehend it fully till
+it is printed in that large type which all men can read at sight,
+namely, the life and character, the sayings and doings, of particular
+persons. It is one of the cunningest fetches of Satan, that he never
+exposes himself directly to our arrows, but, still dodging behind this
+neighbour or that acquaintance, compels us to wound him through them, if
+at all. He holds our affections as hostages, the while he patches up a
+truce with our conscience.
+
+Meanwhile, let us not forget that the aim of the true satirist is not to
+be severe upon persons, but only upon falsehood: and, as Truth and
+Falsehood start from the same point, and sometimes even go along
+together for a little way, his business is to follow the path of the
+latter after it diverges, and to show her floundering in the bog at the
+end of it. Truth is quite beyond the reach of satire. There is so brave
+a simplicity in her, that she can no more be made ridiculous than an oak
+or a pine. The danger of the satirist is, that continual use may deaden
+his sensibility to the force of language. He becomes more and more
+liable to strike harder than he knows or intends. He may be careful to
+put on his boxing-gloves, and yet forget, that, the older they grow, the
+more plainly may the knuckles inside be felt. Moreover, in the heat of
+contest, the eye is insensibly drawn to the crown of victory, whose
+tawdry tinsel glitters through that dust of the ring which obscures
+Truth's wreath of simple leaves. I have sometimes thought that my young
+friend, Mr. Biglow, needed a monitory hand laid on his arm,--_aliquid
+sufflaminandus erat_. I have never thought it good husbandry to water
+the tender plants of reform with _aqua fortis_, yet, where so much is to
+do in the beds, he were a sorry gardener who should wage a whole day's
+war with an iron scuffle on those ill weeds that make the garden-walks
+of life unsightly, when a sprinkle of Attic salt will wither them up.
+_Est ars etiam maledicendi_, says Scaliger, and truly it is a hard thing
+to say where the graceful gentleness of the lamb merges in downright
+sheepishness. We may conclude with worthy and wise Dr. Fuller, that "one
+may be a lamb in private wrongs, but in hearing general affronts to
+goodness they are asses which are not lions."--H. W.]
+
+
+    Guvener B. is a sensible man;
+      He stays to his home an' looks arter his folks;
+    He draws his furrer ez straight ez he can,
+      An' into nobody's tater-patch pokes;--
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.
+
+    My! aint it terrible? Wut shall we du?
+      We can't never choose him, o' course,--thet 's flat;
+    Guess we shall hev to come round, (don't you?)
+      An' go in fer thunder an' guns, an' all that;
+                Fer John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.
+
+    Gineral C. is a dreffle smart man:
+      He 's ben on all sides thet give places or pelf;
+    But consistency still wuz a part of his plan,--
+      He 's ben true to _one_ party,--an' thet is himself;--
+                So John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.
+
+    Gineral C. he goes in fer the war;
+      He don't vally principle more 'n an old cud;
+    Wut did God make us raytional creeturs fer,
+      But glory an' gunpowder, plunder an' blood?
+                So John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.
+
+    We were gittin' on nicely up here to our village,
+      With good old idees o' wut 's right an' wut aint,
+    We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage,
+      An' thet eppyletts worn't the best mark of a saint;
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez this kind o' thing 's an exploded idee.
+
+    The side of our country must ollers be took,
+      An' Presidunt Polk, you know, _he_ is our country;
+    An' the angel thet writes all our sins in a book
+      Puts the _debit_ to him, an' to us the _per contry_;
+                An' John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez this is his view o' the thing to a T.
+
+    Parson Wilbur he calls all these argimunts lies;
+      Sez they 're nothin' on airth but jest _fee, faw, fum_;
+    An' thet all this big talk of our destinies
+      Is half on it ignorance, an' t'other half rum;
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez it aint no sech thing; an', of course, so must we.
+
+    Parson Wilbur sez _he_ never heerd in his life
+      Thet th' Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats
+    An' marched round in front of a drum an' a fife,
+      To git some on 'em office, an' some on 'em votes;
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez they did n't know everythin' down in Judee.
+
+    Wal, it 's a marcy we 've gut folks to tell us
+      The rights an' the wrongs o' these matters, I vow,--
+    God sends country lawyers, an' other wise fellers,
+      To drive the world's team wen it gits in a slough;
+                Fer John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez the world 'll go right, ef he hollers out Gee!
+
+
+[The attentive reader will doubtless have perceived in the foregoing
+poem an allusion to that pernicious sentiment,--"Our country, right or
+wrong." It is an abuse of language to call a certain portion of land
+much more certain personages elevated for the time being to high
+station, our country. I would not sever nor loosen a single one of those
+ties by which we are united to the spot of our birth, nor minish by a
+tittle the respect due to the Magistrate. I love our own Bay State too
+well to do the one, and as for the other, I have myself for nigh forty
+years exercised, however unworthily, the function of Justice of the
+Peace, having been called thereto by the unsolicited kindness of that
+most excellent man and upright patriot, Caleb Strong. _Patri� fumus igne
+alieno luculentior_ is best qualified with this,--_Ubi libertas, ibi
+patria_. We are inhabitants of two worlds, and owe a double, but not a
+divided, allegiance. In virtue of our clay, this little ball of earth
+exacts a certain loyalty of us; while, in our capacity as spirits, we
+are admitted citizens of an invisible and holier fatherland. There is a
+patriotism of the soul whose claim absolves us from our other and
+terrene fealty. Our true country is that ideal realm which we represent
+to ourselves under the names of religion, duty, and the like. Our
+terrestrial organizations are but far-off approaches to so fair a model,
+and all they are verily traitors who resist not any attempt to divert
+them from this their original intendment. When, therefore, one would
+have us to fling up our caps and shout with the multitude,--"_Our
+country, however bounded!_" he demands of us that we sacrifice the
+larger to the less, the higher to the lower, and that we yield to the
+imaginary claims of a few acres of soil our duty and privilege as
+liegemen of Truth. Our true country is bounded on the north and the
+south, on the east and the west, by Justice, and when she oversteps that
+invisible boundary-line by so much as a hair's-breadth, she ceases to be
+our mother, and chooses rather to be looked upon _quasi noverca_. That
+is a hard choice, when our earthly love of country calls upon us to
+tread one path and our duty points us to another. We must make as noble
+and becoming an election as did Penelope between Icarius and Ulysses.
+Veiling our faces, we must take silently the hand of Duty to follow her.
+
+Shortly after the publication of the foregoing poem, there appeared some
+comments upon it in one of the public prints which seemed to call for
+some animadversion. I accordingly addressed to Mr. Buckingham, of the
+_Boston Courier_, the following letter.
+
+                                        "JAALAM, November 4, 1847.
+
+"_To the Editor of the Courier:_
+
+"RESPECTED SIR,--Calling at the post-office this morning, our worthy and
+efficient postmaster offered for my perusal a paragraph in the Boston
+Morning Post of the 3d instant, wherein certain effusions of the
+pastoral muse are attributed to the pen of Mr. James Russell Lowell. For
+ought I know or can affirm to the contrary, this Mr. Lowell may be a
+very deserving person and a youth of parts (though I have seen verses of
+his which I could never rightly understand); and if he be such, he, I am
+certain, as well as I, would be free from any proclivity to appropriate
+to himself whatever of credit (or discredit) may honestly belong to
+another. I am confident, that, in penning these few lines, I am only
+forestalling a disclaimer from that young gentleman, whose silence
+hitherto, when rumour pointed to himward, has excited in my bosom
+mingled emotions of sorrow and surprise. Well may my young parishioner,
+Mr. Biglow, exclaim with the poet,
+
+    "'Sic vos non vobis' &c.;
+
+though, in saying this, I would not convey the impression that he is a
+proficient in the Latin tongue,--the tongue, I might add, of a Horace
+and a Tully.
+
+"Mr. B. does not employ his pen, I can safely say, for any lucre of
+worldly gain, or to be exalted by the carnal plaudits of men, _digito
+monstrari_, &c. He does not wait upon Providence for mercies, and in his
+heart mean _merces_. But I should esteem myself as verily deficient in
+my duty (who am his friend and in some unworthy sort his spiritual
+_fidus Achates_, &c.), if I did not step forward to claim for him
+whatever measure of applause might be assigned to him by the judicious.
+
+"If this were a fitting occasion, I might venture here a brief
+dissertation touching the manner and kind of my young friend's poetry.
+But I dubitate whether this abstruser sort of speculation (though
+enlivened by some apposite instances from Aristophanes) would
+sufficiently interest your oppidan readers. As regards their satirical
+tone, and their plainness of speech, I will only say, that, in my
+pastoral experience, I have found that the Arch-Enemy loves nothing
+better than to be treated as a religious, moral, and intellectual being,
+and that there is no _apage Sathanas_! so potent as ridicule. But it is
+a kind of weapon that must have a button of good-nature on the point of
+it.
+
+"The productions of Mr. B. have been stigmatized in some quarters as
+unpatriotic; but I can vouch that he loves his native soil with that
+hearty, though discriminating, attachment which springs from an intimate
+social intercourse of many years' standing. In the ploughing season, no
+one has a deeper share in the well-being of the country than he. If Dean
+Swift were right in saying that he who makes two blades of grass grow
+where one grew before confers a greater benefit on the state than he who
+taketh a city, Mr. B. might exhibit a fairer claim to the Presidency
+than General Scott himself. I think that some of those disinterested
+lovers of the hard-handed democracy, whose fingers have never touched
+anything rougher than the dollars of our common country, would hesitate
+to compare palms with him. It would do your heart good, respected Sir,
+to see that young man now. He cuts a cleaner and wider swarth than any
+in this town.
+
+"But it is time for me to be at my Post. It is very clear that my young
+friend's shot has struck the lintel, for the Post is shaken (Amos ix.
+1). The editor of that paper is a strenuous advocate of the Mexican war,
+and a colonel, as I am given to understand. I presume, that, being
+necessarily absent in Mexico, he has left his journal in some less
+judicious hands. At any rate, the Post has been too swift on this
+occasion. It could hardly have cited a more incontrovertible line from
+any poem than that which it has selected for animadversion, namely,--
+
+    "'We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage.'
+
+"If the Post maintains the converse of this proposition, it can hardly
+be considered as a safe guide-post for the moral and religious portions
+of its party, however many other excellent qualities of a post it may be
+blessed with. There is a sign in London on which is painted,--'The Green
+Man.' It would do very well as a portrait of any individual who would
+support so unscriptural a thesis. As regards the language of the line in
+question, I am bold to say that He who readeth the hearts of men will
+not account any dialect unseemly which conveys a sound and pious
+sentiment. I could wish that such sentiments were more common, however
+uncouthly expressed. Saint Ambrose affirms, that _veritas a quocunque_
+(why not, then _quomodocunque_?) _dicatur, a spiritu sancto est_. Digest
+also this of Baxter:--'The plainest words are the most profitable
+oratory in weightiest matters.'
+
+"When the paragraph in question was shown to Mr. Biglow, the only part
+of it which seemed to give him any dissatisfaction was that which
+classed him with the Whig party. He says, that, if resolutions are a
+nourishing kind of diet, that party must be in a very hearty and
+flourishing condition; for that they have quietly eaten more good ones
+of their own baking than he could have conceived to be possible without
+repletion. He has been for some years past (I regret to say) an ardent
+opponent of those sound doctrines of protective policy which form so
+prominent a portion of the creed of that party. I confess, that, in some
+discussions which I have had with him on this point in my study, he has
+displayed a vein of obstinacy which I had not hitherto detected in his
+composition. He is also (_horresco referens_) infected in no small
+measure with the peculiar notions of a print called the Liberator,
+whose heresies I take every proper opportunity of combating, and of
+which, I thank God, I have never read a single line.
+
+"I did not see Mr. B.'s verses until they appeared in print, and there
+_is_ certainly one thing in them which I consider highly improper. I
+allude to the personal references to myself by name. To confer notoriety
+on an humble individual who is labouring quietly in his vocation, and
+who keeps his cloth as free as he can from the dust of the political
+arena (though _v� mihi si non evangelizavero_), is no doubt an
+indecorum. The sentiments which he attributes to me I will not deny to
+be mine. They were embodied, though in a different form, in a discourse
+preached upon the last day of public fasting, and were acceptable to my
+entire people (of whatever political views), except the postmaster, who
+dissented _ex officio_. I observe that you sometimes devote a portion of
+your paper to a religious summary. I should be well pleased to furnish a
+copy of my discourse for insertion in this department of your
+instructive journal. By omitting the advertisements, it might easily be
+got within the limits of a single number, and I venture to insure you
+the sale of some scores of copies in this town. I will cheerfully render
+myself responsible for ten. It might possibly be advantageous to issue
+it as an _extra_. But perhaps you will not esteem it an object, and I
+will not press it. My offer does not spring from any weak desire of
+seeing my name in print; for I can enjoy this satisfaction at any time
+by turning to the Triennial Catalogue of the University, where it also
+possesses that added emphasis of Italics with which those of my calling
+are distinguished.
+
+"I would simply add, that I continue to fit ingenuous youth for college,
+and that I have two spacious and airy sleeping apartments at this moment
+unoccupied. _Ingenuas didicisse_, &c. Terms, which vary according to the
+circumstances of the parents, may be known on application to me by
+letter, post paid. In all cases the lad will be expected to fetch his
+own towels. This rule, Mrs. W. desires me to add, has no exceptions.
+
+                       "Respectfully, your obedient servant,
+
+                                               "HOMER WILBUR, A.M.
+
+"P.S. Perhaps the last paragraph may look like an attempt to obtain the
+insertion of my circular gratuitously. If it should appear to you in
+that light, I desire that you would erase it, or charge for it at the
+usual rates, and deduct the amount from the proceeds in your hands from
+the sale of my discourse, when it shall be printed. My circular is much
+longer and more explicit, and will be forwarded without charge to any
+who may desire it. It has been very neatly executed on a letter sheet,
+by a very deserving printer, who attends upon my ministry, and is a
+creditable specimen of the typographic art. I have one hung over my
+mantelpiece in a neat frame, where it makes a beautiful and appropriate
+ornament, and balances the profile of Mrs. W., cut with her toes by the
+young lady born without arms.                               H. W."
+
+I have in the foregoing letter mentioned General Scott in connexion with
+the Presidency, because I have been given to understand that he has
+blown to pieces and otherwise caused to be destroyed more Mexicans than
+any other commander. His claim would therefore be deservedly considered
+the strongest. Until accurate returns of the Mexican killed, wounded,
+and maimed be obtained, it would be difficult to settle these nice
+points of precedence. Should it prove that any other officer has been
+more meritorious and destructive than General. S., and has thereby
+rendered himself more worthy of the confidence and support of the
+conservative portion of our community, I shall cheerfully insert his
+name, instead of that of General S., in a future edition. It may be
+thought, likewise, that General S. has invalidated his claims by too
+much attention to the decencies of apparel, and the habits belonging to
+a gentleman. These abstruser points of statesmanship are beyond my
+scope. I wonder not that successful military achievement should attract
+the admiration of the multitude. Rather do I rejoice with wonder to
+behold how rapidly this sentiment is losing its hold upon the popular
+mind. It is related of Thomas Warton, the second of that honoured name
+who held the office of Poetry Professor at Oxford, that, when one wished
+to find him, being absconded, as was his wont, in some obscure alehouse,
+he was counselled to traverse the city with a drum and fife, the sound
+of which inspiring music would be sure to draw the Doctor from his
+retirement into the street. We are all more or less bitten with this
+martial insanity. _Nescio qu� dulcedine ... cunctos ducit._ I confess to
+some infection of that itch myself. When I see a Brigadier-General
+maintaining his insecure elevation in the saddle under the severe fire
+of the training-field, and when I remember that some military
+enthusiasts, through haste, inexperience, or an over-desire to lend
+reality to those fictitious combats, will sometimes discharge their
+ramrods, I cannot but admire, while I deplore, the mistaken devotion of
+those heroic officers. _Semel insanivimus omnes._ I was myself, during
+the late war with Great Britain, chaplain of a regiment, which was
+fortunately never called to active military duty. I mention this
+circumstance with regret rather than pride. Had I been summoned to
+actual warfare, I trust that I might have been strengthened to bear
+myself after the manner of that reverend father in our New England
+Israel, Dr. Benjamin Colman, who, as we are told in Turell's life of
+him, when the vessel in which he had taken passage for England was
+attacked by a French privateer, "fought like a philosopher and a
+Christian, ... and prayed all the while he charged and fired." As this
+note is already long, I shall not here enter upon a discussion of the
+question, whether Christians may lawfully be soldiers. I think it
+sufficiently evident, that, during the first two centuries of the
+Christian era, at least, the two professions were esteemed incompatible.
+Consult Jortin on this head.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. IV.
+
+ REMARKS OF INCREASE D. O'PHACE, ESQUIRE, AT AN EX-TRUMPERY
+   CAUCUS IN STATE STREET, REPORTED BY MR. H. BIGLOW.
+
+
+[The ingenious reader will at once understand that no such speech as the
+following was ever _totidem verbis_ pronounced. But there are simpler
+and less guarded wits, for the satisfying of which such an explanation
+may be needful. For there are certain invisible lines, which as Truth
+successively overpasses, she becomes Untruth to one and another of us,
+as a large river, flowing from one kingdom into another, sometimes takes
+a new name, albeit the waters undergo no change, how small soever. There
+is, moreover, a truth of fiction more veracious than the truth of fact,
+as that of the Poet, which represents to us things and events as they
+ought to be, rather than servilely copies them as they are imperfectly
+imaged in the crooked and smoky glass of our mundane affairs. It is this
+which makes the speech of Antonius, though originally spoken in no wider
+a forum than the brain of Shakspeare, more historically valuable than
+that other which Appian has reported, by as much as the understanding of
+the Englishman was more comprehensive than that of the Alexandrian. Mr.
+Biglow, in the present instance, has only made use of a licence assumed
+by all the historians of antiquity, who put into the mouths of various
+characters such words as seem to them most fitting to the occasion and
+to the speaker. If it be objected that no such oration could ever have
+been delivered, I answer, that there are few assemblages for
+speech-making which do not better deserve the title of _Parliamentum
+Indoctorum_ than did the sixth Parliament of Henry the Fourth, and that
+men still continue to have as much faith in the Oracle of Fools as ever
+Pantagruel had. Howell, in his letters, recounts a merry tale of a
+certain ambassador of Queen Elizabeth, who, having written two letters,
+one to her Majesty and the other to his wife, directed them at
+cross-purposes, so that the Queen was beducked and bedeared and
+requested to send a change of hose, and the wife was beprincessed and
+otherwise unwontedly besuperlatived, till the one feared for the wits of
+her ambassador, the other for those of her husband. In like manner it
+may be presumed that our speaker has misdirected some of his thoughts,
+and given to the whole theatre what he would have wished to confide only
+to a select auditory at the back of the curtain. For it is seldom that
+we can get any frank utterance from men, who address, for the most part,
+a Buncombe either in this world or the next. As for their audiences, it
+may be truly said of our people, that they enjoy one political
+institution in common with the ancient Athenians: I mean a certain
+profitless kind of _ostracism_, wherewith, nevertheless, they seem
+hitherto well enough content. For in Presidential elections, and other
+affairs of the sort, whereas I observe that the _oysters_ fall to the
+lot of comparatively few, the _shells_ (such as the privileges of voting
+as they are told to do by the _ostrivori_ aforesaid, and of huzzaing at
+public meetings) are very liberally distributed among the people, as
+being their prescriptive and quite sufficient portion.
+
+The occasion of the speech is supposed to be Mr. Palfrey's refusal to
+vote for the Whig candidate for the Speakership.--H. W.]
+
+
+    No? Hez he? He haint, though? Wut? Voted agin him?
+    Ef the bird of our country could ketch him, she 'd skin him;
+    I seem 's though I see her, with wrath in each quill,
+    Like a chancery lawyer, afilin' her bill,
+    An' grindin' her talents ez sharp ez all nater,
+    To pounce like a writ on the back o' the traiter.
+    Forgive me, my friends, ef I seem to be het,
+    But a crisis like this must with vigour be met;
+    Wen an Arnold the star-spangled banner bestains,
+    Holl Fourth o' Julys seem to bile in my veins.
+
+    Who ever 'd ha' thought sech a pisonous rig
+    Would be run by a chap thet wuz chose fer a Wig?
+    "We knowed wut his principles wuz 'fore we sent him"?
+    What wuz ther in them from this vote to pervent him?
+    A marciful Providunce fashioned us holler
+    O' purpose thet we might our principles swaller;
+    It can hold any quantity on 'em, the belly can,
+    An' bring 'em up ready fer use like the pelican,
+    Or more like the kangaroo, who (wich is stranger)
+    Puts her family into her pouch wen there 's danger.
+    Aint principle precious? then, who 's goin' to use it
+    Wen there 's risk o' some chaps gittin' up to abuse it?
+    I can't tell the wy on 't, but nothin' is _so_ sure
+    Ez thet principle kind o' gits spiled by exposure;[13]
+    A man thet lets all sorts o' folks git a sight on 't
+    Ough' to hev it all took right away, every mite on 't;
+    Ef he can't keep it all to himself when it 's wise to,
+    He aint one it 's fit to trust nothin' so nice to.
+
+    Besides, ther 's a wonderful power in latitude
+    To shift a man's morril relations an' attitude;
+    Some flossifers think thet a fakkilty 's granted
+    The minnit it 's proved to be thoroughly wanted,
+    Thet a change o' demand makes a change o' condition
+    An' thet everythin' 's nothin' except by position;
+    Ez, fer instance, thet rubber-trees fust begun bearin'
+    Wen p'litickle conshunces come into wearin',--
+    Thet the fears of a monkey, whose holt chanced to fail,
+    Drawed the vertibry out to a prehensile tail;
+    So, wen one 's chose to Congriss, ez soon ez he 's in it,
+    A collar grows right round his neck in a minnit,
+    An' sartin it is thet a man cannot be strict
+    In bein' himself, when he gets to the Deestrict,
+    Fer a coat thet sets wal here in ole Massachusetts,
+    Wen it gits on to Washinton, somehow askew sets.
+
+    Resolves, do you say, o' the Springfield Convention?
+    Thet 's percisely the pint I was goin' to mention;
+    Resolves air a thing we most gen'ally keep ill,
+    They 're a cheap kind o' dust fer the eyes o' the people;
+    A parcel o' delligits jest git together
+    An' chat fer a spell o' the crops an' the weather,
+    Then, comin' to order, they squabble awile
+    An' let off the speeches they 're ferful 'll spile;
+    Then--Resolve,--Thet we wunt hev an inch o' slave territory;
+    That President Polk's holl perceedins air very tory;
+    Thet the war 's a damned war, an' them thet enlist in it
+    Should hev a cravat with a dreffle tight twist in it;
+    Thet the war is a war fer the spreadin' o' slavery;
+    Thet our army desarves our best thanks fer their bravery;
+    Thet we 're the original friends o' the nation,
+    All the rest air a paltry an' base fabrication;
+    Thet we highly respect Messrs. A, B, an' C,
+    An' ez deeply despise Messrs. E, F, an' G.
+    In this way they go to the eend o' the chapter,
+    An' then they bust out in a kind of a raptur
+    About their own vartoo, an' folks's stone-blindness
+    To the men thet 'ould actilly do 'em a kindness,--
+    The American eagle, the Pilgrims thet landed,
+    Till on ole Plymouth Rock they git finally stranded.
+    Wal, the people they listen and say, "Thet 's the ticket!
+    Ez for Mexico, t'aint no glory to lick it,
+    But 't would be a darned shame to go pullin' o' triggers
+    To extend the aree of abusin' the niggers."
+
+    So they march in percessions, an' git up hooraws,
+    An' tramp thru the mud fer the good o' the cause,
+    An' think they 're kind o' fulfillin' the prophecies,
+    Wen they 're on'y jest changin' the holders of offices;
+    Ware A sot afore, B is comf'tably seated,
+    One humbug 's victor'ous, an' t'other defeated.
+    Each honnable doughface gits jest wut he axes,
+    An' the people--their annooal soft sodder an' taxes.
+
+    Now, to keep unimpaired all these glorious feeturs
+    Thet characterize morril an' reasonin' creeturs,
+    Thet give every paytriot all he can cram,
+    Thet oust the untrustworthy Presidunt Flam,
+    An' stick honest Presidunt Sham in his place,
+    To the manifest gain o' the holl human race,
+    An' to some indervidgewals on 't in partickler,
+    Who love Public Opinion an' know how to tickle her,--
+    I say thet a party with great aims like these
+    Must stick jest ez close ez a hive full o' bees.
+
+    I 'm willin' a man should go tollable strong
+    Agin wrong in the abstract, fer that kind o' wrong
+    Is ollers unpop'lar an' never gits pitied,
+    Because it 's a crime no one never committed;
+    But he mus' n't be hard on partickler sins,
+    Coz then he 'll be kickin' the people's own shins;
+    On'y look at the Demmercrats, see wut they 've done
+    Jest simply by stickin' together like fun;
+    They 've sucked us right into a mis'able war
+    Thet no one on airth aint responsible for;
+    They 've run us a hundred cool millions in debt,
+    (An' fer Demmercrat Horners ther 's good plums left yet);
+    They talk agin tayriffs, but act fer a high one,
+    An' so coax all parties to build up their Zion;
+    To the people they 're ollers ez slick ez molasses,
+    An' butter their bread on both sides with The Masses,
+    Half o' whom they 've persuaded, by way of a joke,
+    Thet Washinton's mantelpiece fell upon Polk.
+
+    Now all o' these blessins the Wigs might enjoy,
+    Ef they 'd gumption enough the right means to imploy;[14]
+    Fer the silver spoon born in Dermocracy's mouth
+    Is a kind of a scringe thet they hev to the South;
+    Their masters can cuss 'em an' kick 'em an' wale 'em,
+    An' they notice it less 'an the ass did to Balaam;
+    In this way they screw into second-rate offices
+    Wich the slaveholder thinks 'ould substract too much off his ease;
+    The file-leaders, I mean, du, fer they, by their wiles,
+    Unlike the old viper, grow fat on their files.
+    Wal, the Wigs hev been tryin' to grab all this prey frum 'em
+    An' to hook this nice spoon o' good fortin' away frum 'em,
+    An' they might ha' succeeded, ez likely ez not,
+    In lickin' the Demmercrats all round the lot,
+    Ef it warn't thet, wile all faithful Wigs were their knees on,
+    Some stuffy old codger would holler out,--"Treason!
+    You must keep a sharp eye on a dog thet hez bit you once,
+    An' _I_ aint agoin' to cheat my constitoounts,"--
+    Wen every fool knows thet a man represents
+    Not the fellers thet sent him, but them on the fence,--
+    Impartially ready to jump either side
+    An' make the fust use of a turn o' the tide,--
+    The waiters on Providunce here in the city,
+    Who compose wut they call a State Centerl Committy.
+    Constitoounts air hendy to help a man in,
+    But arterwards don't weigh the heft of a pin.
+    Wy, the people can't all live on Uncle Sam's pus,
+    So they 've nothin' to du with 't fer better or wus;
+    It 's the folks thet air kind o' brought up to depend on 't
+    That hev any consarn in 't, an' thet is the end on 't.
+
+    Now here wuz New England ahevin' the honor
+    Of a chance at the speakership showered upon her;--
+    Do you say,--"She don't want no more Speakers, but fewer;
+    She 's hed plenty o' them, wut she wants is a _doer_"?
+    Fer the matter o' thet, it 's notorous in town
+    Thet her own representatives du her quite brown.
+    But thet 's nothin' to du with it; wut right hed Palfrey
+    To mix himself up with fanatical small fry?
+    Warn't we gettin' on prime with our hot an' cold blowin',
+    Acondemnin' the war wilst we kep' it agoin'?
+    We 'd assumed with gret skill a commandin' position,
+    On this side or thet, no one could n't tell wich one,
+    So, wutever side wipped, we 'd a chance at the plunder
+    An' could sue for infringin' our paytended thunder;
+    We were ready to vote fer whoever wuz eligible,
+    Ef on all pints at issoo he 'd stay unintelligible.
+    Wal, sposin' we hed to gulp down our perfessions,
+    We were ready to come out next mornin' with fresh ones;
+    Besides, ef we did, 't was our business alone,
+    Fer could n't we du wut we would with our own?
+    An' ef a man can, wen pervisions hev riz so,
+    Eat up his own words, it 's a marcy it is so.
+
+    Wy, these chaps from the North, with back-bones to 'em, darn 'em,
+    'Ould be wuth more 'an Gennle Tom Thumb is to Barnum;
+    Ther 's enough thet to office on this very plan grow,
+    By exhibitin' how very small a man can grow;
+    But an M. C. frum here ollers hastens to state he
+    Belongs to the order called invertebraty,
+    Wence some gret filologists judge primy fashy
+    Thet M. C. is M. T. by paronomashy;
+    An' these few exceptions air _loosus naytury_
+    Folks 'ould put down their quarters to stare at, like fury.
+
+    It 's no use to open the door o' success,
+    Ef a member can bolt so fer nothin' or less;
+    Wy, all o' them grand constitootional pillers
+    Our four fathers fetched with 'em over the billers,
+    Them pillers the people so soundly hev slept on,
+    Wile to slav'ry, invasion, an' debt they were swept on,
+    Wile our Destiny higher an' higher kep' mountin'
+    (Though I guess folks 'll stare wen she hends her account in),
+    Ef members in this way go kickin' agin 'em,
+    They wunt hev so much ez a feather left in 'em.
+
+    An', ez fer this Palfrey,[15] we thought wen we 'd gut him in,
+    He 'd go kindly in wutever harness we put him in;
+    Supposin' we _did_ know thet he wuz a peace man?
+    Does he think he can be Uncle Samwell's policeman,
+    An' wen Sam gits tipsy an' kicks up a riot,
+    Lead him off to the lockup to snooze till he 's quiet?
+    Wy, the war is a war thet true paytriots can bear, ef
+    It leads to the fat promised land of a tayriff;
+    _We_ don't go an' fight it, nor aint to be driv on,
+    Nor Demmercrats nuther, thet hev wut to live on;
+    Ef it aint jest the thing thet 's well pleasin' to God,
+    It makes us thought highly on elsewhere abroad;
+    The Rooshian black eagle looks blue in his eerie
+    An' shakes both his heads wen he hears o' Monteery;
+    Wile in the Tower Victory sets, all of a fluster,
+    An' reads, with locked doors, how we won Cherry Buster;
+    An' old Philip Lewis--thet come an' kep' school here
+    Fer the mere sake o' scorin' his ryalist ruler
+    On the tenderest part of our kings _in futuro_--
+    Hides his crown underneath an old shut in his bureau
+    Breaks off in his brags to a suckle o' merry kings,
+    How he often hed hided young native Amerrikins,
+    An', turnin' quite faint in the midst of his fooleries,
+    Sneaks down stairs to bolt the front door o' the Tooleries.[16]
+
+    You say,--"We 'd ha' scared 'em by growin' in peace,
+    A plaguy sight more then by bobberies like these"?
+    Who is it dares say thet "our naytional eagle
+    Wun't much longer be classed with the birds thet air regal,
+    Coz theirn be hooked beaks, an' she, arter this slaughter,
+    'll bring back a bill ten times longer 'n she ough' to"?
+    Wut 's your name? Come, I see ye, you up-country feller,
+    You 've put me out severil times with your beller;
+    Out with it! Wut? Biglow? I say nothin' furder,
+    Thet feller would like nothin' better 'n a murder;
+    He 's a traiter, blasphemer, an' wut ruther worse is,
+    He put all his ath'ism in dreffle bad verses;
+    Socity aint safe till sech monsters air out on it,
+    Refer to the Post, ef you hev the least doubt on it;
+    Wy, he goes agin war, agin indirect taxes,
+    Agin sellin' wild lands 'cept to settlers with axes,
+    Agin holdin' o' slaves, though he knows it 's the corner
+    Our libbaty rests on, the mis'able scorner!
+    In short, he would wholly upset with his ravages
+    All thet keeps us above the brute critters an' savages,
+    An' pitch into all kinds o' briles an' confusions
+    The holl of our civilized, free institutions;
+    He writes fer thet rather unsafe print, the Courier,
+    An' likely ez not hez a squintin' to Foorier;
+    I 'll be ----, thet is, I mean I 'll be blest,
+    Ef I hark to a word frum so noted a pest;
+    I shan't talk with _him_, my religion 's too fervent.--
+    Good mornin', my friends, I 'm your most humble servant.
+
+
+[Into the question, whether the ability to express ourselves in
+articulate language has been productive of more good or evil, I shall
+not here enter at large. The two faculties of speech and of
+speech-making are wholly diverse in their natures. By the first we make
+ourselves intelligible, by the last unintelligible, to our fellows. It
+has not seldom occurred to me (noting how in our national legislature
+everything runs to talk, as lettuces, if the season or the soil be
+unpropitious, shoot up lankly to seed, instead of forming handsome
+heads) that Babel was the first Congress, the earliest mill erected for
+the manufacture of gabble. In these days, what with Town Meetings,
+School Committees, Boards (lumber) of one kind and another, Congresses,
+Parliaments, Diets, Indian Councils, Palavers, and the like, there is
+scarce a village which has not its factories of this description driven
+by (milk-and-) water power. I cannot conceive the confusion of tongues
+to have been the curse of Babel, since I esteem my ignorance of other
+languages as a kind of Martello-tower, in which I am safe from the
+furious bombardments of foreign garrulity. For this reason I have ever
+preferred the study of the dead languages, those primitive formations
+being Ararats upon whose silent peaks I sit secure and watch this new
+deluge without fear, though it rain figures (_simulacra_, semblances) of
+speech forty days and nights together, as it not uncommonly happens.
+Thus is my coat, as it were, without buttons by which any but a
+vernacular wild bore can seize me. Is it not possible that the Shakers
+may intend to convey a quiet reproof and hint, in fastening their outer
+garments with hooks and eyes?
+
+This reflection concerning Babel, which I find in no Commentary, was
+first thrown upon my mind when an excellent deacon of my congregation
+(being infected with the Second Advent delusion) assured me that he had
+received a first instalment of the gift of tongues as a small earnest of
+larger possessions in the like kind to follow. For, of a truth, I could
+not reconcile it with my ideas of the Divine justice and mercy that the
+single wall which protected people of other languages from the
+incursions of this otherwise well-meaning propagandist should be broken
+down.
+
+In reading Congressional debates, I have fancied, that, after the
+subsidence of those painful buzzings in the brain which result from such
+exercises, I detected a slender residuum of valuable information. I made
+the discovery that _nothing_ takes longer in the saying than anything
+else, for, as _ex nihilo nihil fit_, so from one polypus _nothing_ any
+number of similar ones may be produced. I would recommend to the
+attention of _viv� voce_ debaters and controversialists the admirable
+example of the monk Copres, who, in the fourth century, stood for half
+an hour in the midst of a great fire, and thereby silenced a Manich�an
+antagonist who had less of the salamander in him. As for those who
+quarrel in print, I have no concern with them here, since the eyelids
+are a Divinely-granted shield against all such. Moreover, I have
+observed in many modern books that the printed portion is becoming
+gradually smaller, and the number of blank or fly-leaves (as they are
+called) greater. Should this fortunate tendency of literature continue,
+books will grow more valuable from year to year, and the whole Serbonian
+bog yield to the advances of firm arable land.
+
+I have wondered, in the Representatives' Chamber of our own
+Commonwealth, to mark how little impression seemed to be produced by
+that emblematic fish suspended over the heads of the members. Our wiser
+ancestors, no doubt, hung it there as being the animal which the
+Pythagoreans reverenced for its silence, and which certainly in that
+particular does not so well merit the epithet _cold-blooded_, by which
+naturalists distinguish it, as certain bipeds, afflicted with
+ditch-water on the brain, who take occasion to tap themselves in Fanueil
+Halls, meeting-houses, and other places of public resort.--H. W.]
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[13] The speaker is of a different mind from Tully, who, in his recently
+discovered tractate _De Republic�_, tells us,--_Nec vero habere virtutem
+satis est, quasi artem aliquam, nisi utare_, and from our Milton, who
+says,--"I cannot praise a fugitive and cloistered virtue, unexercised
+and unbreathed, that never sallies out and sees her adversary, but
+slinks out of the race where that immortal garland is to be run for,
+_not without dust and heat_."--_Areop._ He had taken the words out of
+the Roman's mouth, without knowing it, and might well exclaim with
+Austin (if saint's name may stand sponsor for a curse). _Pereant qui
+ante nos nostra dixerint!_--H. W.
+
+[14] That was a pithy saying of Persius, and fits our politicians
+without a wrinkle,--_Magister artis, ingeniique largitor venter._--H. W.
+
+[15] There is truth yet in this of Juvenal,--
+
+    "Dat veniam corvis, vexat censura columbas."
+
+[16] Jortin is willing to allow of other miracles besides those recorded
+in Holy Writ, and why not of other prophecies? It is granting too much
+to Satan to suppose him, as divers of the learned have done, the
+inspirer of the ancient oracles. Wiser, I esteem it, to give chance the
+credit of the successful ones. What is said here of Louis Philippe was
+verified in some of its minute particulars within a few months' time.
+Enough to have made the fortune of Delphi or Ammon, and no thanks to
+Beelzebub neither! That of Seneca in Medea will suit here:--
+
+          "Rapida fortuna ac levis,
+    Pr�cepsque regno eripuit, exsilio dedit."
+
+Let us allow, even to richly deserved misfortune, our commiseration, and
+be not overhasty meanwhile in our censure of the French people, left for
+the first time to govern themselves, remembering that wise sentence of
+�schylus,--
+
+    {Hapas de trachys hostis an neon krat�.}                 H. W.
+
+
+
+
+No. V.
+
+THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT
+
+ SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME.
+
+
+[The incident which gave rise to the debate satirized in the following
+verses was the unsuccessful attempt of Drayton and Sayres to give
+freedom to seventy men and women, fellow-beings and fellow-Christians.
+Had Tripoli, instead of Washington, been the scene of this undertaking,
+the unhappy leaders in it would have been as secure of the theoretic as
+they now are of the practical part of martyrdom. I question whether the
+Dey of Tripoli is blessed with a District Attorney so benighted as ours
+at the seat of government. Very fitly is he named Key, who would allow
+himself to be made the instrument of locking the door of hope against
+sufferers in such a cause. Not all the waters of the ocean can cleanse
+the vile smutch of the jailer's fingers from off that little Key.
+_Ahenea clavis_, a brazen Key indeed!
+
+Mr. Calhoun, who is made the chief speaker in this burlesque, seems to
+think that the light of the nineteenth century is to be put out as soon
+as he tinkles his little cow-bell curfew. Whenever slavery is touched,
+he sets up his scarecrow of dissolving the Union. This may do for the
+North, but I should conjecture that something more than a
+pumpkin-lantern is required to scare manifest and irretrievable Destiny
+out of her path. Mr. Calhoun cannot let go the apron-string of the Past.
+The Past is a good nurse, but we must be weaned from her sooner or
+later, even though, like Plotinus, we should run home from school to ask
+the breast, after we are tolerably well-grown youths. It will not do for
+us to hide our faces in her lap, whenever the strange Future holds out
+her arms and asks us to come to her.
+
+But we are all alike. We have all heard it said, often enough, that
+little boys must not play with fire; and yet, if the matches be taken
+away from us and put out of reach upon the shelf, we must needs get into
+our little corner, and scowl and stamp and threaten the dire revenge of
+going to bed without our supper. The world shall stop till we get our
+dangerous plaything again. Dame Earth, meanwhile, who has more than
+enough household matters to mind, goes bustling hither and thither as a
+hiss or a sputter tells her that this or that kettle of hers is boiling
+over, and before bedtime we are glad to eat our porridge cold, and gulp
+down our dignity along with it.
+
+Mr. Calhoun has somehow acquired the name of a great statesman, and, if
+it be great statesmanship to put lance in rest and run a tilt at the
+Spirit of the Age with the certainty of being next moment hurled neck
+and heels into the dust amid universal laughter, he deserves the title.
+He is the Sir Kay of our modern chivalry. He should remember the old
+Scandinavian mythus. Thor was the strongest of gods, but he could not
+wrestle with Time, nor so much as lift up a fold of the great snake
+which knit the universe together; and when he smote the Earth, though
+with his terrible mallet, it was but as if a leaf had fallen. Yet all
+the while it seemed to Thor that he had only been wrestling with an old
+woman, striving to lift a cat, and striking a stupid giant on the head.
+
+And in old times, doubtless, the giants _were_ stupid, and there was no
+better sport for the Sir Launcelots and Sir Gawains than to go about
+cutting off their great blundering heads with enchanted swords. But
+things have wonderfully changed. It is the giants, now-a-days, that have
+the science and the intelligence, while the chivalrous Don Quixotes of
+Conservatism still cumber themselves with the clumsy armour of a by-gone
+age. On whirls the restless globe through unsounded time, with its
+cities and its silences, its births and funerals, half light, half
+shade, but never wholly dark, and sure to swing round into the happy
+morning at last. With an involuntary smile, one sees Mr. Calhoun letting
+slip his pack-thread cable with a crooked pin at the end of it to anchor
+South Carolina upon the bank and shoal of the Past.--H. W.]
+
+
+TO MR. BUCKENAM.
+
+MR. EDITER, As i wuz kinder prunin round, in a little nussry sot out a
+year or 2 a go, the Dbait in the sennit cum inter my mine An so i took &
+Sot it to wut I call a nussry rime. I hev made sum onnable Gentlemun
+speak that dident speak in a Kind uv Poetikul lie sense the seeson is
+dreffle backerd up This way
+
+                                         ewers as ushul
+
+                                                     HOSEA BIGLOW.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "Here we stan' on the Constitution, by thunder!
+      It 's a fact o' wich ther 's bushils o' proofs;
+    Fer how could we trample on 't so, I wonder,
+      Ef't worn't thet it 's oilers under our hoofs?"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;
+            "Human rights haint no more
+            Right to come on this floor,
+        No more 'n the man in the moon," sez he.
+
+    "The North haint no kind o' bisness with nothin',
+      An' you 've no idee how much bother it saves;
+    We aint none riled by their frettin' an' frothin',
+      We 're _used_ to layin' the string on our slaves,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Mister Foote,
+            "I should like to shoot
+        The holl gang, by the gret horn spoon!" sez he.
+
+    "Freedom's Keystone is Slavery, thet ther 's no doubt on,
+      It 's sutthin' thet 's--wha' d' ye call it?--divine,--
+    An' the slaves thet we ollers _make_ the most out on
+      Air them north o' Mason an' Dixon's line,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Fer all thet," sez Mangum,
+            "'T would be better to hang 'em,
+        An' so git red on 'em soon," sez he.
+
+    "The mass ough' to labour an' we lay on soffies,
+      Thet 's the reason I want to spread Freedom's aree;
+    It puts all the cunninest on us in office,
+      An' reelises our Maker's orig'nal idee,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Thet 's ez plain," sez Cass,
+            "Ez thet some one 's an ass,
+        It 's ez clear ez the sun is at noon," sez he.
+
+    "Now don't go to say I 'm the friend of oppression,
+      But keep all your spare breath fer coolin' your broth,
+    Fer I ollers hev strove (at least thet 's my impression)
+      To make cussed free with the rights o' the North,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Yes," sez Davis o' Miss.,
+            "The perfection o' bliss
+        Is in skinnin' thet same old coon," sez he.
+
+    "Slavery 's a thing thet depends on complexion,
+      It 's God's law thet fetters on black skins don't chafe;
+    Ef brains wuz to settle it (horrid reflection!)
+      Wich of our onnable body 'd be safe?"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Mister Hannegan,
+            Afore he began agin,
+        "Thet exception is quite oppertoon," sez he.
+
+    "Gen'nle Cass, Sir, you need n't be twitchin' your collar,
+      _Your_ merit 's quite clear by the dut on your knees,
+    At the North we don't make no distinctions o' colour;
+      You can all take a lick at our shoes wen you please,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Mister Jarnagin,
+            "They wunt hev to larn agin,
+        They all on 'em know the old toon," sez he.
+
+    "The slavery question aint no ways bewilderin'.
+      North an' South hev one int'rest, it 's plain to a glance;
+    No'thern men, like us patriarchs, don't sell their childrin,
+      But they _du_ sell themselves, ef they git a good chance,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Atherton here,
+            "This is gittin' severe,
+        I wish I could dive like a loon," sez he.
+
+    "It 'll break up the Union, this talk about freedom,
+      An' your fact'ry gals (soon ez we split) 'll make head,
+    An' gittin' some Miss chief or other to lead 'em,
+      'll go to work raisin' promiscoous Ned,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Yes, the North," sez Colquitt,
+            "Ef we Southerners all quit,
+        Would go down like a busted balloon," sez he.
+
+    "Jest look wut is doin', wut annyky 's brewin'
+      In the beautiful clime o' the olive an' vine,
+    All the wise aristoxy is tumblin' to ruin,
+      An' the sankylots drorin' an' drinkin' their wine,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Yes," sez Johnson, "in France
+            They 're beginnin' to dance
+        Beelzebub's own rigadoon," sez he.
+
+    "The South 's safe enough, it don't feel a mite skeery,
+      Our slaves in their darkness an' dut air tu blest
+    Not to welcome with proud hallylugers the ery
+      Wen our eagle kicks yourn from the naytional nest,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "O," sez Westcott o' Florida,
+            "Wut treason is horrider
+        Then our priv'leges tryin' to proon?" sez he.
+
+    "It 's 'coz they 're so happy, thet, wen crazy sarpints
+      Stick their nose in our bizness, we git so darned riled;
+    We think it 's our dooty to give pooty sharp hints,
+      Thet the last crumb of Edin on airth shan't be spiled,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Ah," sez Dixon H. Lewis,
+            "It perfectly true is
+        Thet slavery 's airth's grettest boon," sez he.
+
+
+[It was said of old time, that riches have wings; and, though this be
+not applicable in a literal strictness to the wealth of our patriarchal
+brethren of the South, yet it is clear that their possessions have legs,
+and an unaccountable propensity for using them in a northerly direction.
+I marvel that the grand jury of Washington did not find a true bill
+against the North Star for aiding and abetting Drayton and Sayres. It
+would have been quite of a piece with the intelligence displayed by the
+South on other questions connected with slavery. I think that no ship of
+state was ever freighted with a more veritable Jonah than this same
+domestic institution of ours. Mephistopheles himself could not feign so
+bitterly, so satirically sad a sight as this of three millions of human
+beings crushed beyond help or hope by this one mighty argument,--_Our
+fathers knew no better!_ Nevertheless, it is the unavoidable destiny of
+Jonahs to be cast overboard sooner or later. Or shall we try the
+experiment of hiding our Jonah in a safe place, that none may lay hands
+on him to make jetsam of him? Let us, then, with equal forethought and
+wisdom, lash ourselves to the anchor, and await, in pious confidence,
+the certain result. Perhaps our suspicious passenger is no Jonah after
+all, being black. For it is well known that a superintending Providence
+made a kind of sandwich of Ham and his descendants, to be devoured by
+the Caucasian race.
+
+In God's name, let all, who hear nearer and nearer the hungry moan of
+the storm and the growl of the breakers, speak out! But, alas! we have
+no right to interfere. If a man pluck an apple of mine, he shall be in
+danger of the justice; but if he steal my brother, I must be silent. Who
+says this? Our Constitution, consecrated by the callous suetude of sixty
+years, and grasped in triumphant argument in the left hand of him whose
+right hand clutches the clotted slave-whip. Justice, venerable with the
+undethronable majesty of countless �ons, says,--SPEAK! The Past, wise
+with the sorrows and desolations of ages, from amid her shattered fanes
+and wolf-housing palaces, echoes,--SPEAK! Nature, through her thousand
+trumpets of freedom, her stars, her sunrises, her seas, her winds, her
+cataracts, her mountains blue with cloudy pines, blows jubilant
+encouragement, and cries,--SPEAK! From the soul's trembling abysses the
+still, small voice not vaguely murmurs,--SPEAK! But, alas! the
+Constitution and the Honourable Mr. Bagowind, M.C., say,--BE DUMB!
+
+It occurs to me to suggest, as a topic of inquiry in this connexion,
+whether, on that momentous occasion when the goats and the sheep shall
+be parted, the Constitution and the Honourable Mr. Bagowind, M.C., will
+be expected to take their places on the left as our hircine vicars.
+
+    _Quia sum miser tunc dicturus?
+    Quem patronum rogaturus?_
+
+There is a point where toleration sinks into sheer baseness and
+poltroonery. The toleration of the worst leads us to look on what is
+barely better as good enough, and to worship what is only moderately
+good. Woe to that man, or that nation, to whom mediocrity has become an
+ideal!
+
+Has our experiment of self-government succeeded, if it barely manage to
+_rub and go_? Here, now, is a piece of barbarism which Christ and the
+nineteenth century say shall cease, and which Messrs. Smith, Brown, and
+others say shall _not_ cease. I would by no means deny the eminent
+respectability of these gentlemen, but I confess, that, in such a
+wrestling-match, I cannot help having my fears for them.
+
+    _Discite justitiam, moniti, et non temnere divos._
+
+                                                            H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. VI.
+
+THE PIOUS EDITOR'S CREED.
+
+
+[At the special instance of Mr. Biglow, I preface the following satire
+with an extract from a sermon preached during the past summer, from
+Ezekiel xxxiv. 2:--"Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of
+Israel." Since the Sabbath on which this discourse was delivered, the
+editor of the "Jaalam Independent Blunderbuss" has unaccountably
+absented himself from our house of worship.
+
+"I know of no so responsible position as that of the public journalist.
+The editor of our day bears the same relation to his time that the clerk
+bore to the age before the invention of printing. Indeed, the position
+which he holds is that which the clergyman should hold even now. But the
+clergyman chooses to walk off to the extreme edge of the world, and to
+throw such seed as he has clear over into that darkness which he calls
+the Next Life. As if _next_ did not mean _nearest_, and as if any life
+were nearer than that immediately present one which boils and eddies all
+around him at the caucus, the ratification meeting, and the polls! Who
+taught him to exhort men to prepare for eternity, as for some future era
+of which the present forms no integral part? The furrow which Time is
+even now turning runs through the Everlasting, and in that must he plant
+or nowhere. Yet he would fain believe and teach that we are _going_ to
+have more of eternity than we have now. This _going_ of his is like that
+of the auctioneer, on which _gone_ follows before we have made up our
+minds to bid,--in which manner, not three months back, I lost an
+excellent copy of Chappelow on Job. So it has come to pass that the
+preacher, instead of being a living force, has faded into an emblematic
+figure at christenings, weddings, and funerals. Or, if he exercise any
+other function, it is as keeper and feeder of certain theologic dogmas,
+which, when occasion offers, he unkennels with a _staboy!_ 'to bark and
+bite as 'tis their nature to,' whence that reproach of _odium
+theologicum_ has arisen.
+
+"Meanwhile, see what a pulpit the editor mounts daily, sometimes with a
+congregation of fifty thousand within reach of his voice, and never so
+much as a nodder, even, among them! And from what a Bible can he choose
+his text,--a Bible which needs no translation, and which no priestcraft
+can shut and clasp from the laity,--the open volume of the world, upon
+which, with a pen of sunshine or destroying fire, the inspired Present
+is even now writing the annals of God! Methinks the editor who should
+understand his calling, and be equal thereto, would truly deserve that
+title of {poim�n la�n}, which Homer bestows upon princes. He would be
+the Moses of our nineteenth century; and whereas the old Sinai, silent
+now, is but a common mountain, stared at by the elegant tourist and
+crawled over by the hammering geologist, he must find his tables of the
+new law here among factories and cities in this Wilderness of Sin
+(Numbers xxxiii. 12) called Progress of Civilization, and be the captain
+of our Exodus into the Canaan of a truer social order.
+
+"Nevertheless, our editor will not come so far within even the shadow of
+Sinai as Mahomet did, but chooses rather to construe Moses by Joe Smith.
+He takes up the crook, not that the sheep may be fed, but that he may
+never want a warm woollen suit and a joint of mutton.
+
+    _Immemor, O, fidei, pecorumque oblite tuorum!_
+
+For which reason I would derive the name _editor_ not so much from
+_edo_, to publish, as from _edo_, to eat, that being the peculiar
+profession to which he esteems himself called. He blows up the flames of
+political discord for no other occasion than that he may thereby handily
+boil his own pot. I believe there are two thousand of these
+mutton-loving shepherds in the United States; and of these, how many
+have even the dimmest perception of their immense power, and the duties
+consequent thereon? Here and there, haply, one. Nine hundred and
+ninety-nine labour to impress upon the people the great principles of
+_Tweedledum_, and other nine hundred and ninety-nine preach with equal
+earnestness the gospel according to _Tweedledee_."--H. W.]
+
+
+    I du believe in Freedom's cause,
+      Ez fur away ez Paris is;
+    I love to see her stick her claws
+      In them infarnal Pharisees;
+    It 's wal enough agin a king
+      To dror resolves an' triggers,--
+    But libbaty 's a kind o' thing
+      Thet don't agree with niggers.
+
+    I du believe the people want
+      A tax on teas an' coffees,
+    Thet nothin' aint extravygunt,--
+      Purvidin' I 'm in office;
+    Fer I hev loved my country sence
+      My eye-teeth filled their sockets,
+    An' Uncle Sam I reverence,
+      Partic'larly his pockets.
+
+    I du believe in _any_ plan
+      O' levyin' the taxes,
+    Ez long ez, like a lumberman,
+      I git jest wut I axes:
+    I go free-trade thru thick an' thin,
+      Because it kind o' rouses
+    The folks to vote,--an' keeps us in
+      Our quiet custom-houses.
+
+    I du believe it 's wise an' good
+      To sen' out furrin missions,
+    Thet is, on sartin understood
+      An' orthydox conditions;--
+    I mean nine thousan' dolls. per ann.,
+      Nine thousan' more fer outfit,
+    An' me to recommend a man
+      The place 'ould jest about fit.
+
+    I du believe in special ways
+      O' prayin' an' convartin';
+    The bread comes back in many days,
+      An' buttered, tu, fer sartin;--
+    I mean in preyin' till one busts
+      On wut the party chooses,
+    An' in convartin' public trusts
+      To very privit uses.
+
+    I du believe hard coin the stuff
+      Fer 'lectioneers to spout on;
+    The people 's ollers soft enough
+      To make hard money out on;
+    Dear Uncle Sam pervides fer his,
+      An' gives a good-sized junk to all,--
+    I don't care _how_ hard money is,
+      Ez long ez mine 's paid punctooal.
+
+    I du believe with all my soul
+      In the gret Press's freedom,
+    To pint the people to the goal
+      An' in the traces lead 'em;
+    Palsied the arm thet forges yokes
+      At my fat contracts squintin',
+    An' withered be the nose thet pokes
+      Inter the gov'ment printin'!
+
+    I du believe thet I should give
+      Wut 's his'n unto C�sar,
+    Fer it 's by him I move an' live,
+      From him my bread an' cheese air;
+    I du believe thet all o' me
+      Doth bear his souperscription,--
+    Will, conscience, honour, honesty,
+      An' things o' thet description.
+
+    I du believe in prayer an' praise
+      To him thet hez the grantin'
+    O' jobs,--in every thin' thet pays,
+      But most of all in CANTIN';
+    This doth my cup with marcies fill,
+      This lays all thought o' sin to rest,--
+    I _don't_ believe in princerple,
+      But, O, I _du_ in interest.
+
+    I du believe in bein' this
+      Or thet, ez it may happen
+    One way or t'other hendiest is
+      To ketch the people nappin';
+    It aint by princerples nor men
+      My preudunt course is steadied,--
+    I scent wich pays the best, an' then
+      Go into it baldheaded.
+
+    I du believe thet holdin' slaves
+      Comes nat'ral tu a Presidunt,
+    Let 'lone the rowdedow it saves
+      To hev a wal-broke precedunt;
+    Fer any office, small or gret,
+      I could n't ax with no face,
+    Without I 'd ben, thru dry an' wet,
+      Th' unrizzest kind o' doughface.
+
+    I du believe wutever trash
+      'll keep the people in blindness,--
+    Thet we the Mexicuns can thrash
+      Right inter brotherly kindness,
+    Thet bombshells, grape, an' powder 'n' ball
+      Air good-will's strongest magnets,
+    Thet peace, to make it stick at all,
+      Must be druv in with bagnets.
+
+    In short, I firmly du believe
+      In Humbug generally,
+    Fer it 's a thing thet I perceive
+      To hev a solid vally;
+    This heth my faithful shepherd ben,
+      In pasturs sweet heth led me,
+    An' this 'll keep the people green
+      To feed ez they hev fed me.
+
+
+[I subjoin here another passage from my before-mentioned discourse.
+
+"Wonderful, to him that has eyes to see it rightly, is the newspaper. To
+me, for example, sitting on the critical front bench of the pit, in my
+study here in Jaalam, the advent of my weekly journal is as that of a
+strolling theatre, or rather of a puppet-show, on whose stage, narrow as
+it is, the tragedy, comedy, and farce of life are played in little.
+Behold the whole huge earth sent to me hebdomadally in a brown-paper
+wrapper!
+
+"Hither, to my obscure corner, by wind or steam, on horse-back or
+dromedary-back, in the pouch of the Indian runner, or clicking over the
+magnetic wires, troop all the famous performers from the four quarters
+of the globe. Looked at from a point of criticism, tiny puppets they
+seem all, as the editor sets up his booth upon my desk and officiates as
+showman. Now I can truly see how little and transitory is life. The
+earth appears almost as a drop of vinegar, on which the solar microscope
+of the imagination must be brought to bear in order to make out any
+thing distinctly. That animalcule there, in the pea-jacket, is Louis
+Philippe, just landed on the coast of England. That other, in the grey
+surtout and cocked hat, is Napoleon Bonaparte Smith, assuring France
+that she need apprehend no interference from him in the present alarming
+juncture. At that spot, where you seem to see a speck of something in
+motion, is an immense mass-meeting. Look sharper, and you will see a
+mite brandishing his mandibles in an excited manner. That is the great
+Mr. Soandso, defining his position amid tumultuous and irrepressible
+cheers. That infinitesimal creature, upon whom some score of others, as
+minute as he, are gazing in open-mouthed admiration, is a famous
+philosopher, expounding to a select audience their capacity for the
+Infinite. That scarce discernible pufflet of smoke and dust is a
+revolution. That speck there is a reformer, just arranging the lever
+with which he is to move the world. And lo, there creeps forward the
+shadow of a skeleton that blows one breath between its grinning teeth,
+and all our distinguished actors are whisked off the slippery stage into
+the dark Beyond.
+
+"Yes, the little show-box has its solemner suggestions. Now and then we
+catch a glimpse of a grim old man, who lays down a scythe and
+hour-glass in the corner while he shifts the scenes. There, too, in the
+dim background, a weird shape is ever delving. Sometimes he leans upon
+his mattock, and gazes, as a coach whirls by, bearing the newly married
+on their wedding jaunt, or glances carelessly at a babe brought home
+from christening. Suddenly (for the scene grows larger and larger as we
+look) a bony hand snatches back a performer in the midst of his part,
+and him, whom yesterday two infinities (past and future) would not
+suffice, a handful of dust is enough to cover and silence for ever. Nay,
+we see the same fleshless fingers opening to clutch the showman himself,
+and guess, not without a shudder, that they are lying in wait for
+spectator also.
+
+"Think of it: for three dollars a year I buy a season-ticket to this
+great Globe Theatre, for which God would write the dramas (only that we
+like farces, spectacles, and the tragedies of Apollyon better), whose
+scene-shifter is Time, and whose curtain is rung down by Death.
+
+"Such thoughts will occur to me sometimes as I am tearing off the
+wrapper of my newspaper. Then suddenly that otherwise too often vacant
+sheet becomes invested for me with a strange kind of awe. Look! deaths
+and marriages, notices of inventions, discoveries, and books, lists of
+promotions, of killed, wounded, and missing, news of fires, accidents,
+of sudden wealth and as sudden poverty;--I hold in my hand the ends of
+myriad invisible electric conductors, along which tremble the joys,
+sorrows, wrongs, triumphs, hopes, and despairs of as many men and women
+everywhere. So that upon that mood of mind which seems to isolate me
+from mankind as a spectator of their puppet-pranks, another supervenes,
+in which I feel that I, too, unknown and unheard of, am yet of some
+import to my fellows. For, through my newspaper here, do not families
+take pains to send me, an entire stranger, news of a death among them?
+Are not here two who would have me know of their marriage? And strangest
+of all, is not this singular person anxious to have me informed that he
+has received a fresh supply of Dimitry Bruisgins? But to none of us does
+the Present (even if for a moment discerned as such) continue
+miraculous. We glance carelessly at the sunrise, and get used to Orion
+and the Pleiades. The wonder wears off, and to-morrow this sheet, in
+which a vision was let down to me from Heaven, shall be the wrappage to
+a bar of soap or the platter for a beggar's broken victuals."--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. VII.
+
+A LETTER
+
+ FROM A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN ANSWER TO SUTTIN
+   QUESTIONS PROPOSED BY MR. HOSEA BIGLOW, INCLOSED IN
+   A NOTE FROM MR. BIGLOW TO S. H. GAY, ESQ., EDITOR OF
+   THE NATIONAL ANTISLAVERY STANDARD.
+
+
+[Curiosity may be said to be the quality which pre-eminently
+distinguishes and segregates man from the lower animals. As we trace the
+scale of animated nature downward, we find this faculty of the mind (as
+it may truly be called) diminished in the savage, and quite extinct in
+the brute. The first object which civilized man proposes to himself I
+take to be the finding out whatsoever he can concerning his neighbours.
+_Nihil humanum a me alienum puto_; I am curious about even John Smith.
+The desire next in strength to this (an opposite pole, indeed, of the
+same magnet) is that of communicating intelligence.
+
+Men in general may be divided into the inquisitive and the
+communicative. To the first class belong Peeping Toms, eaves-droppers,
+navel-contemplating Brahmins, metaphysicians, travellers, Empedocleses,
+spies, the various societies for promoting Rhinothism, Columbuses,
+Yankees, discoverers, and men of science, who present themselves to the
+mind as so many marks of interrogation wandering up and down the world,
+or sitting in studies and laboratories. The second class I should again
+subdivide into four. In the first subdivision I would rank those who
+have an itch to tell us about themselves,--as keepers of diaries,
+insignificant persons generally, Montaignes, Horace Walpoles,
+autobiographers, poets. The second includes those who are anxious to
+impart information concerning other people,--as historians, barbers, and
+such. To the third belong those who labour to give us intelligence about
+nothing at all,--as novelists, political orators, the large majority of
+authors, preachers, lecturers, and the like. In the fourth come those
+who are communicative from motives of public benevolence,--as finders of
+mares'-nests and bringers of ill news. Each of us two-legged fowls
+without feathers embraces all these subdivisions in himself to a greater
+or less degree, for none of us so much as lays an egg, or incubates a
+chalk one, but straightway the whole barn-yard shall know it by our
+cackle or our cluck. _Omnibus hoc vitium est._ There are different
+grades in all these classes. One will turn his telescope toward a
+back-yard, another toward Uranus; one will tell you that he dined with
+Smith, another that he supped with Plato. In one particular, all men may
+be considered as belonging to the first grand division, inasmuch as they
+all seem equally desirous of discovering the mote in their neighbour's
+eye.
+
+To one or another of these species every human being may safely be
+referred. I think it beyond a peradventure that Jonah prosecuted some
+inquiries into the digestive apparatus of whales, and that Noah sealed
+up a letter in an empty bottle, that news in regard to him might not be
+wanting in case of the worst. They had else been super or subter human.
+I conceive, also, that, as there are certain persons who continually
+peep and pry at the key-hole of that mysterious door through which,
+sooner or later, we all make our exits, so there are doubtless ghosts
+fidgeting and fretting on the other side of it, because they have no
+means of conveying back to the world the scraps of news they have picked
+up. For there is an answer ready somewhere to every question, the great
+law of _give and take_ runs through all nature, and if we see a hook, we
+may be sure that an eye is waiting for it. I read in every face I meet a
+standing advertisement of information wanted in regard to A. B., or that
+the friends of C. D. can hear of him by application to such a one.
+
+It was to gratify the two great passions of asking and answering, that
+epistolary correspondence was first invented. Letters (for by this
+usurped title epistles are now commonly known) are of several kinds.
+First, there are those which are not letters at all,--as letters patent,
+letters dimissory, letters inclosing bills, letters of administration,
+Pliny's letters, letters of diplomacy, of Cato, of Mentor, of Lords
+Lyttelton, Chesterfield, and Orrery, of Jacob Behmen, Seneca (whom St.
+Jerome includes in his list of sacred writers), letters from abroad,
+from sons in college to their fathers, letters of marque, and letters
+generally, which are in no wise letters of mark. Second, are real
+letters, such as those of Gray, Cowper, Walpole, Howel, Lamb, the first
+letters from children (printed in staggering capitals), Letters from New
+York, letters of credit, and others, interesting for the sake of the
+writer or the thing written. I have read also letters from Europe by a
+gentleman named Pinto, containing some curious gossip, and which I hope
+to see collected for the benefit of the curious. There are, besides,
+letters addressed to posterity,--as epitaphs, for example, written for
+their own monuments by monarchs, whereby we have lately become possessed
+of the names of several great conquerors and kings of kings, hitherto
+unheard of and still unpronounceable, but valuable to the student of the
+entirely dark ages. The letter which St. Peter sent to King Pepin in the
+year of grace 755 I would place in a class by itself, as also the
+letters of candidates, concerning which I shall dilate more fully in a
+note at the end of the following poem. At present, _sat prata
+biberunt_. Only, concerning the shape of letters, they are all either
+square or oblong, to which general figures circular letters and
+round-robins also conform themselves.--H. W.]
+
+
+DEER SIR its gut to be the fashun now to rite letters to the candid 8s
+and i wus chose at a publick Meetin in Jaalam to du wut wus nessary fur
+that town. i writ to 271 ginerals and gut ansers to 209. tha air called
+candid 8s but I don't see nothin candid about em. this here 1 wich I
+send wus thought satty's factory. I dunno as it's ushle to print
+Poscrips, but as all the ansers I got hed the saim, I sposed it wus
+best. times has gretly changed. Formaly to knock a man into a cocked hat
+wus to use him up, but now it ony gives him a chance fur the cheef
+madgustracy.--H. B.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    DEAR SIR,--You wish to know my notions
+      On sartin pints thet rile the land;
+    There 's nothin' thet my natur so shuns
+      Ez bein' mum or underhand;
+    I 'm a straight-spoken kind o' creetur
+      Thet blurts right out wut 's in his head,
+    An' ef I 've one pecooler feetur,
+      It is a nose thet wunt be led.
+
+    So, to begin at the beginnin',
+      An' come direcly to the pint,
+    I think the country's underpinnin'
+      Is some consid'ble out o' jint;
+    I aint agoin' to try your patience
+      By tellin' who done this or thet,
+    I don't make no insinooations,
+      I jest let on I smell a rat.
+
+    Thet is, I mean, it seems to me so,
+      But, ef the public think I 'm wrong,
+    I wunt deny but wut I be so,--
+      An', fact, it don't smell very strong;
+    My mind 's tu fair to lose its balance
+      An' say wich party hez most sense;
+    There may be folks o' greater talence
+      Thet can't set stiddier on the fence.
+
+    I 'm an eclectic; ez to choosin'
+      'Twixt this an' thet, I 'm plaguy lawth;
+    I leave a side thet looks like losin',
+      But (wile there 's doubt) I stick to both;
+    I stan' upon the Constitution,
+      Ez preudunt statesmun say, who 've planned
+    A way to git the most profusion
+      O' chances ez to _ware_ they 'll stand.
+
+    Ez fer the war, I go agin it,--
+      I mean to say I kind o' du,--
+    Thet is, I mean thet, bein' in it,
+      The best way wuz to fight it thru;
+    Not but wut abstract war is horrid,--
+      I sign to thet with all my heart,--
+    But civlyzation _doos_ git forrid
+      Sometimes upon a powder-cart.
+
+    About thet darned Proviso matter
+      I never hed a grain o' doubt,
+    Nor I aint one my sense to scatter
+      So 's no one could n't pick it out;
+    My love fer North an' South is equil,
+      So I 'll jest answer plump an' frank,
+    No matter wut may be the sequil,--
+      Yes, Sir, I _am_ agin a Bank.
+
+    Ez to the answerin' o' questions,
+      I 'm an off ox at bein' druv,
+    Though I aint one thet ary test shuns
+      'll give our folks a helpin' shove;
+    Kind o' promiscoous I go it
+      Fer the holl country, an' the ground
+    I take, ez nigh ez I can show it,
+      Is pooty gen'ally all round.
+
+    I don't appruve o' givin' pledges;
+      You 'd ough' to leave a feller free,
+    An' not go knockin' out the wedges
+      To ketch his fingers in the tree;
+    Pledges air awfle breachy cattle
+      Thet preudunt farmers don't turn out,--
+    Ez long 'z the people git their rattle,
+      Wut is there fer 'm to grout about?
+
+    Ez to the slaves, there 's no confusion
+      In _my_ idees consarnin' them,--
+    _I_ think they air an Institution,
+      A sort of--yes, jest so,--ahem:
+    Do _I_ own any? Of my merit
+      On thet pint you yourself may jedge;
+    All is, I never drink no sperit,
+      Nor I haint never signed no pledge.
+
+    Ez to my principles, I glory
+      In hevin' nothin' o' the sort;
+    I aint a Wig, I aint a Tory,
+      I 'm jest a candidate, in short;
+    Thet 's fair an' square an' parpendicler,
+      But, ef the Public cares a fig,
+    To hev me an' thin' in particler,
+      Wy I 'm a kind o' peri-wig.
+
+                      P. S.
+
+    Ez we 're a sort o' privateerin',
+      O' course, you know, it 's sheer an' sheer,
+    An' there is sutthin' wuth your hearin'
+      I 'll mention in _your_ privit ear;
+    Ef you git _me_ inside the White House,
+      Your head with ile I 'll kin' o' 'nint
+    By gittin' _you_ inside the Light-house
+      Down to the eend o' Jaalam Pint.
+
+    An' ez the North hez took to brustlin'
+      At bein' scrouged frum off the roost,
+    I 'll tell ye wut 'll save all tusslin'
+      An' give our side a harnsome boost,--
+    Tell 'em thet on the Slavery question
+      I 'm RIGHT, although to speak I 'm lawth;
+    This gives you a safe pint to rest on,
+      An' leaves me frontin' South by North.
+
+
+[And now of epistles candidatial, which are of two kinds,--namely,
+letters of acceptance, and letters definitive of position. Our republic,
+on the eve of an election, may safely enough be called a republic of
+letters. Epistolary composition becomes then an epidemic, which seizes
+one candidate after another, not seldom cutting short the thread of
+political life. It has come to such a pass, that a party dreads less the
+attacks of its opponents than a letter from its candidate. _Litera
+scripta manet_, and it will go hard if something bad cannot be made of
+it. General Harrison, it is well understood, was surrounded, during his
+candidacy, with the _cordon sanitaire_ of a vigilance committee. No
+prisoner in Spielberg was ever more cautiously deprived of writing
+materials. The soot was scraped carefully from the chimney-places;
+outposts of expert rifle-shooters rendered it sure death for any goose
+(who came clad in feathers) to approach within a certain limited
+distance of North Bend; and all domestic fowls about the premises were
+reduced to the condition of Plato's original man. By these precautions
+the General was saved. _Parva componere magnis_, I remember, that, when
+party-spirit once ran high among my people, upon occasion of the choice
+of a new deacon, I, having my preferences, yet not caring too openly to
+express them, made use of an innocent fraud to bring about that result
+which I deemed most desirable. My stratagem was no other than the
+throwing a copy of the Complete Letter-Writer in the way of the
+candidate whom I wished to defeat. He caught the infection, and
+addressed a short note to his constituents, in which the opposite party
+detected so many and so grave improprieties (he had modeled it upon the
+letter of a young lady accepting a proposal of marriage), that he not
+only lost his election, but, falling under a suspicion of Sabellianism
+and I know not what (the widow Endive assured me that he was a
+Paralipomenon, to her certain knowledge), was forced to leave the town.
+Thus it is that the letter killeth.
+
+The object which candidates propose to themselves in writing is to
+convey no meaning at all. And here is a quite unsuspected pitfall into
+which they successively plunge headlong. For it is precisely in such
+cryptographies that mankind are prone to seek for and find a wonderful
+amount and variety of significance. _Omne ignotum pro mirifico._ How do
+we admire at the antique world striving to crack those oracular nuts
+from Delphi, Ammon, and elsewhere, in only one of which can I so much
+as surmise that any kernel had ever lodged; that, namely, wherein Apollo
+confessed that he was mortal. One Didymus is, moreover, related to have
+written six thousand books on the single subject of grammar, a topic
+rendered only more tenebrific by the labours of his successors, and
+which seems still to possess an attraction for authors in proportion as
+they can make nothing of it. A singular loadstone for theologians, also,
+is the Beast in the Apocalypse, whereof, in the course of my studies, I
+have noted two hundred and three several interpretations, each
+lethiferal to all the rest. _Non nostrum est tantas componere lites_,
+yet I have myself ventured upon a two hundred and fourth, which I
+embodied in a discourse preached on occasion of the demise of the late
+usurper, Napoleon Bonaparte, and which quieted, in a large measure, the
+minds of my people. It is true that my views on this important point
+were ardently controverted by Mr. Shearjashub Holden, the then preceptor
+of our academy, and in other particulars a very deserving and sensible
+young man, though possessing a somewhat limited knowledge of the Greek
+tongue. But his heresy struck down no deep root, and, he having been
+lately removed by the hand of Providence, I had the satisfaction of
+re-affirming my cherished sentiments in a sermon preached upon the
+Lord's-day immediately succeeding his funeral. This might seem like
+taking an unfair advantage, did I not add that he had made provision in
+his last will (being celibate) for the publication of a posthumous
+tractate in support of his own dangerous opinions.
+
+I know of nothing in our modern times which approaches so nearly to the
+ancient oracle as the letter of a Presidential candidate. Now, among the
+Greeks, the eating of beans was strictly forbidden to all such as had it
+in mind to consult those expert amphibologists, and this same
+prohibition on the part of Pythagoras to his disciples is understood to
+imply an abstinence from politics, beans having been used as ballots.
+That other explication, _quod videlicet sensus eo cibo obtundi
+existimaret_, though supported _pugnis et calcibus_ by many of the
+learned, and not wanting the countenance of Cicero, is confuted by the
+larger experience of New England. On the whole, I think it safer to
+apply here the rule of interpretation which now generally obtains in
+regard to antique cosmogonies, myths, fables, proverbial expressions,
+and knotty points generally, which is, to find a common-sense meaning,
+and then select whatever can be imagined the most opposite thereto. In
+this way we arrive at the conclusion, that the Greeks objected to the
+questioning of candidates. And very properly, if, as I conceive, the
+chief point be not to discover what a person in that position is, or
+what he will do, but whether he can be elected. _Vos exemplaria Gr�ca
+nocturna versate manu, versate diurna._
+
+But, since an imitation of the Greeks in this particular (the asking of
+questions being one chief privilege of freemen) is hardly to be hoped
+for, and our candidates will answer, whether they are questioned or not,
+I would recommend that these ante-electionary dialogues should be
+carried on by symbols, as were the diplomatic correspondences of the
+Scythians and Macrobii, or confined to the language of signs, like the
+famous interview of Panurge and Goatsnose. A candidate might then convey
+a suitable reply to all committees of inquiry by closing one eye, or by
+presenting them with a phial of Egyptian darkness to be speculated upon
+by their respective constituencies. These answers would be susceptible
+of whatever retrospective construction the exigencies of the political
+campaign might seem to demand, and the candidate could take his position
+on either side of the fence with entire consistency. Or, if letters must
+be written, profitable use might be made of the Dighton rock
+hieroglyphic or the cuneiform script, every fresh decipherer of which is
+enabled to educe a different meaning, whereby a sculptured stone or two
+supplies us, and will probably continue to supply posterity, with a very
+vast and various body of authentic history. For even the briefest
+epistle in the ordinary chirography is dangerous. There is scarce any
+style so compressed that superfluous words may not be detected in it. A
+severe critic might curtail that famous brevity of C�sar's by two
+thirds, drawing his pen through the supererogatory _veni_ and _vidi_.
+Perhaps, after all, the surest footing of hope is to be found in the
+rapidly increasing tendency to demand less and less of qualification in
+candidates. Already have statesmanship, experience, and the possession
+(nay, the profession, even) of principles been rejected as superfluous,
+and may not the patriot reasonably hope that the ability to write will
+follow? At present, there may be death in pot-hooks as well as pots, the
+loop of a letter may suffice for a bow-string, and all the dreadful
+heresies of Anti-slavery may lurk in a flourish.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. VIII.
+
+A SECOND LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.
+
+
+[In the following epistle, we behold Mr. Sawin returning a _miles
+emeritus_, to the bosom of his family. _Quantum mutatus!_ The good
+Father of us all had doubtless entrusted to the keeping of this child of
+his certain faculties of a constructive kind. He had put in him a share
+of that vital force, the nicest economy of every minute atom of which is
+necessary to the perfect development of Humanity. He had given him a
+brain and heart, and so had equipped his soul with the two strong wings
+of knowledge and love, whereby it can mount to hang its nest under the
+eaves of heaven. And this child, so dowered, he had entrusted to the
+keeping of his vicar, the State. How stands the account of that
+stewardship? The State, or Society (call her by what name you will), had
+taken no manner of thought of him till she saw him swept out into the
+street, the pitiful leavings of last night's debauch, with cigar-ends,
+lemon-parings, tobacco-quids, slops, vile stenches, and the whole
+loathsome next-morning of the bar-room,--an own child of the Almighty
+God! I remember him as he was brought to be christened, a ruddy, rugged
+babe; and now there he wallows, reeking, seething,--the dead corpse, not
+of a man, but of a soul,--a putrefying lump, horrible for the life that
+is in it. Comes the wind of heaven, that good Samaritan, and parts the
+hair upon his forehead, nor is too nice to kiss those parched, cracked
+lips; the morning opens upon him her eyes full of pitying sunshine, the
+sky yearns down to him,--and there he lies fermenting. O sleep! let me
+not profane thy holy name by calling that stertorous unconsciousness a
+slumber! By and by comes along the State, God's vicar. Does she
+say,--"My poor, forlorn foster-child! Behold here a force which I will
+make dig and plant and build for me"? Not so, but,--"Here is a recruit
+ready-made to my hand, a piece of destroying energy lying unprofitably
+idle." So she claps an ugly grey suit on him, puts a musket in his
+grasp, and sends him off, with Gubernatorial and other godspeeds, to do
+duty as a destroyer.
+
+I made one of the crowd at the last Mechanics' Fair, and, with the rest,
+stood gazing in wonder at a perfect machine, with its soul of fire, its
+boiler-heart that sent the hot blood pulsing along the iron arteries,
+and its thews of steel. And while I was admiring the adaptation of means
+to end, the harmonious involutions of contrivance, and the
+never-bewildered complexity, I saw a grimed and greasy fellow, the
+imperious engine's lackey and drudge, whose sole office was to let fall,
+at intervals, a drop or two of oil upon a certain joint. Then my soul
+said within me, See there a piece of mechanism to which that other you
+marvel at is but as the rude first effort of a child,--a force which not
+merely suffices to set a few wheels in motion, but which can send an
+impulse all through the infinite future,--a contrivance, not for turning
+out pins, or stitching button-holes, but for making Hamlets and Lears.
+And yet this thing of iron shall be housed, waited on, guarded from rust
+and dust, and it shall be a crime but so much as to scratch it with a
+pin; while the other, with its fire of God in it, shall be buffeted
+hither and thither, and finally sent carefully a thousand miles to be
+the target for a Mexican cannon-ball. Unthrifty Mother State! My heart
+burned within me for pity and indignation, and I renewed this covenant
+with my own soul,--_In aliis mansuetus ero, at, in blasphemiis contra
+Christum, non ita._--H. W.]
+
+
+    I spose you wonder ware I be; I can't tell, fer the soul o' me,
+    Exacly ware I be myself,--meanin' by thet the holl o' me.
+    Wen I left hum, I hed two legs, an' they worn't bad ones neither
+    (The scaliest trick they ever played wuz bringin' on me hither),
+    Now one on 'em 's I dunno ware;--they thought I wuz adyin',
+    An' sawed it off, because they said 'twuz kin' o' mortifyin';
+    I 'm willin' to believe it wuz, an' yit I don't see, nuther,
+    Wy one should take to feelin' cheap a minnit sooner 'n t'other,
+    Sence both wuz equilly to blame; but things is ez they be;
+    It took on so they took it off, an' thet 's enough fer me:
+    There 's one good thing, though, to be said about my wooden new one,--
+    The liquor can't get into it ez 't used to in the true one;
+    So it saves drink; an' then, besides, a feller could n't beg.
+    A gretter blessin' then to hev one ollers sober peg;
+    It 's true a chap 's in want o' two fer follerin' a drum,
+    But all the march I 'm up to now is jest to Kingdom Come.
+
+    I 've lost one eye, but thet 's a loss it 's easy to supply
+    Out o' the glory thet I 've gut, fer thet is all my eye;
+    An' one is big enough, I guess, by diligently usin' it,
+    To see all I shall ever git by way o' pay fer losin' it;
+    Off'cers, I notice, who git paid fer all our thumps an' kickins,
+    Du wal by keepin' single eyes arter the fattest pickins;
+    So, ez the eye 's put fairly out, I 'll larn to go without it,
+    An' not allow _myself_ to be no gret put out about it.
+    Now, le' me see, thet is n't all; I used, 'fore leavin' Jaalam,
+    To count things on my finger-eends, but sutthin' seems to ail 'em:
+    Ware 's my left hand? O, darn it, yes, I recollect wut 's come on 't;
+    I haint no left arm but my right, an' thet 's gut jest a thumb on 't;
+    It aint so hendy ez it wuz to cal'late a sum on 't.
+    I 've hed some ribs broke,--six (I b'lieve),--I haint kep' no
+              account on 'em;
+    Wen pensions git to be the talk, I 'll settle the amount on 'em.
+    An' now I 'm speakin' about ribs, it kin' o' brings to mind
+    One thet I could n't never break,--the one I lef' behind;
+    Ef you should see her, jest clear out the spout o' your invention
+    An' pour the longest sweetnin'-in about an annooal pension,
+    An' kin' o' hint (in case, you know, the critter should refuse to be
+    Consoled) I aint so 'xpensive now to keep ez wut I used to be;
+    There 's one arm less, ditto one eye, an' then the leg thet 's wooden
+    Can be took off an' sot away wenever ther' 's a puddin'.
+
+    I spose you think I 'm comin' back ez opperlunt ez thunder,
+    With shiploads o' gold images, an' varus sorts o' plunder;
+    Wal, 'fore I vullinteered, I thought this country wuz a sort o'
+    Canaan, a reg'lar Promised Land flowin' with rum an' water,
+    Ware propaty growed up like time, without no cultivation,
+    An' gold wuz dug ez taters be among our Yankee nation,
+    Ware nateral advantages were pufficly amazin',
+    Ware every rock there wuz about with precious stuns wuz blazin',
+    Ware mill-sites filled the country up ez thick ez you could cram 'em,
+    An' desput rivers run about abeggin' folks to dam 'em;
+    Then there were meetinhouses, tu, chockful o' gold an' silver
+    Thet you could take, an' no one could n't hand ye in no bill fer;--
+    Thet 's wut I thought afore I went, thet 's wut them fellers told us
+    Thet stayed to hum an' speechified an' to the buzzards sold us;
+    I thought thet gold mines could be gut cheaper than china asters,
+    An' see myself acomin' back like sixty Jacob Astors;
+    But sech idees soon melted down an' did n't leave a grease-spot;
+    I vow my holl sheer o' the spiles would n't come nigh a V spot;
+    Although, most anywares we 've ben, you need n't break no locks,
+    Nor run no kin' o' risks, to fill your pocket full o' rocks.
+
+    I guess I mentioned in my last some o' the nateral feeturs
+    O' this all-fiered buggy hole in th' way o' awfle creeturs,
+    But I fergut to name (new things to speak on so abounded)
+    How one day you 'll most die o' thust, an' 'fore the next git drownded.
+    The clymit seems to me jest like a teapot made o' pewter
+    Our Prudence hed, thet would n't pour (all she could du) to suit her;
+    Fust place the leaves 'ould choke the spout, so 's not a drop 'ould
+              dreen out,
+    Then Prude 'ould tip an' tip an' tip, till the holl kit bust clean out,
+    The kiver-hinge-pin bein' lost, tea-leaves an' tea an' kiver
+    'ould all come down _kerswosh!_ ez though the dam broke in a river.
+    Jest so 't is here; holl months there aint a day o' rainy weather,
+    An' jest ez th' officers 'ould be alayin' heads together
+    Ez t' how they 'd mix their drink at sech a milingtary deepot,--
+    'T 'ould pour ez though the lid wuz off the everlastin' teapot.
+
+    The cons'quence is, thet I shall take, wen I 'm allowed to leave here,
+    One piece o' propaty along,--an' thet 's the shakin' fever;
+    It 's reggilar employment, though, an' thet aint thought to harm one,
+    Nor 't aint so tiresome ez it wuz with t' other leg an' arm on;
+    An' it 's a consolation, tu, although it does n't pay,
+    To hev it said you 're some gret shakes in any kin' o' way.
+    'T worn't very long, I tell ye wut, I thought o' fortin-makin',--
+    One day a reg'lar shiver-de-freeze, an' next ez good ez bakin',--
+    One day abrilin' in the sand, then smoth'rin' in the mashes,--
+    Git up all sound, be put to bed a mess o' hacks an' smashes.
+    But then, thinks I, at any rate there 's glory to be hed,--
+    Thet 's an investment, arter all, thet may n't turn out so bad;
+    But somehow, wen we 'd fit an' licked, I ollers found the thanks
+    Gut kin' o' lodged afore they come ez low down ez the ranks;
+    The Gin'rals gut the biggest sheer, the Cunnles next, an' so on,--
+    _We_ never gut a blasted mite o' glory ez I know on;
+    An' spose we hed, I wonder how you 're goin' to contrive its
+    Division so 's to give a piece to twenty thousand privits;
+    Ef you should multiply by ten the portion o' the brav'st one,
+    You would n't git more 'n half enough to speak of on a grave-stun;
+    We git the licks,--we 're jest the grist thet 's put into War's
+              hoppers;
+    Leftenants is the lowest grade thet helps pick up the coppers.
+    It may suit folks thet go agin a body with a soul in 't,
+    An' aint contented with a hide without a bagnet hole in 't;
+    But glory is a kin' o' thing _I_ shan't pursue no furder,
+    Coz thet 's the off'cers parquisite,--yourn 's on'y jest the murder.
+
+    Wal, arter I gin glory up, thinks I at least there 's one
+    Thing in the bills we aint hed yit, an' thet 's the GLORIOUS FUN;
+    Ef once we git to Mexico, we fairly may persume we
+    All day an' night shall revel in the halls o' Montezumy.
+    I 'll tell ye wut _my_ revels wuz, an' see how you would like 'em;
+    _We_ never gut inside the hall: the nighest ever _I_ come
+    Wuz stan'in' sentry in the sun (an', fact, it _seemed_ a cent'ry)
+    A ketchin' smells o' biled an' roast thet come out thru the entry,
+    An' hearin', ez I sweltered thru my passes an' repasses,
+    A rat-tat-too o' knives an' forks, a clinkty-clink o' glasses:
+    I can't tell off the bill o' fare the Gin'rals hed inside
+    All I know is, thet out o' doors a pair o' soles wuz fried,
+    An' not a hunderd miles away frum ware this child wuz posted,
+    A Massachusetts citizen wuz baked an' biled an' roasted;
+    The on'y thing like revellin' thet ever come to me
+    Wuz bein' routed out o' sleep by thet darned revelee.
+
+    They say the quarrel 's settled now; fer my part I 've some doubt
+              on 't,
+    'T 'll take more fish-skin than folks think to take the rile clean
+              out on 't;
+    At any rate, I 'm so used up I can't do no more fightin',
+    The on'y chance thet 's left to me is politics or writin';
+    Now, ez the people 's gut to hev a milingtary man,
+    An' I aint nothin' else jest now, I 've hit upon a plan;
+    The can'idatin' line, you know, 'ould suit me to a T,
+    An' ef I lose, 't wunt hurt my ears to lodge another flea;
+    So I 'll set up ez can'idate fer any kin' o' office
+    (I mean fer any thet includes good easy-cheers an' soffies;
+    Fer ez to runnin' fer a place ware work 's the time o' day,
+    You know thet 's wut I never did,--except the other way);
+    Ef it 's the Presidential cheer fer wich I 'd better run,
+    Wut two legs anywares about could keep up with my one?
+    There aint no kin' o' quality in can'idates, it 's said,
+    So useful ez a wooden leg,--except a wooden head;
+    There 's nothin' aint so poppylar--(wy, it 's a parfect sin
+    To think wut Mexico hez paid fer Santy Anny's pin;)--
+    Then I haint gut no principles, an', sence I wuz knee-high,
+    I never _did_ hev any gret, ez you can testify;
+    I 'm a decided peace-man, tu, an' go agin the war,--
+    Fer now the holl on 't 's gone an' past, wut is there to go _for_?
+    Ef, wile you 're 'lectioneerin' round, some curus chaps should beg
+    To know my views o' state affairs, jest answer WOODEN LEG!
+    Ef they aint settisfied with thet, an' kin' o' pry an' doubt
+    An' ax fer sutthin' deffynit, jest say ONE EYE PUT OUT!
+    Thet kin' o' talk I guess you 'll find 'll answer to a charm,
+    An' wen you 're druv tu nigh the wall, hol' up my missin' arm;
+    Ef they should nose round fer a pledge, put on a vartoous look
+    An' tell 'em thet 's percisely wut I never gin nor--took!
+
+    Then you can call me "Timbertoes,"--thet 's wut the people likes;
+    Sutthin' combinin' morril truth with phrases sech ez strikes;
+    Some say the people 's fond o' this, or thet, or wut you please,--
+    I tell ye wut the people want is jest correct idees;
+    "Old Timbertoes," you see 's a creed it 's safe to be quite bold on,
+    There 's nothin' in 't the other side can any ways git hold on;
+    It 's a good tangible idee, a sutthin' to embody
+    Thet valooable class o' men who look thru brandy-toddy;
+    It gives a Party Platform tu, jest level with the mind
+    Of all right-thinkin', honest folks thet mean to go it blind;
+    Then there air other good hooraws to dror on ez you need 'em,
+    Sech ez the ONE-EYED SLARTERER, the BLOODY BIRDOFREDUM;
+    Them 's wut takes hold o' folks thet think, ez well ez o' the masses,
+    An' makes you sartin o' the aid o' good men of all classes.
+
+    There 's one thing I 'm in doubt about; in order to be Presidunt,
+    It 's absolutely ne'ssary to be a Southern residunt;
+    The Constitution settles thet, an' also thet a feller
+    Must own a nigger o' some sort, jet black, or brown, or yeller.
+    Now I haint no objections agin particklar climes,
+    Nor agin ownin' anythin' (except the truth sometimes),
+    But, ez I haint no capital, up there among ye, may be,
+    You might raise funds enough fer me to buy a low-priced baby,
+    An' then, to suit the No'thern folks, who feel obleeged to say
+    They hate an' cuss the very thing they vote fer every day,
+    Say you 're assured I go full butt fer Libbaty's diffusion
+    An' made the purchis on'y jest to spite the Institootion;--
+    But, golly! there 's the currier's hoss upon the pavement pawin'!
+    I 'll be more 'xplicit in my next.
+
+                                        Yourn,
+
+                                                BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN.
+
+
+[We have now a tolerably fair chance of estimating how the balance-sheet
+stands between our returned volunteer and glory. Supposing the entries
+to be set down on both sides of the account in fractional parts of one
+hundred, we shall arrive at something like the following result:--
+
+
+ _Cr._     B. SAWIN, Esq., _in account with_ (BLANK) GLORY.     _Dr._
+
+ By loss of one leg            20    To one 675th three cheers
+ "   do.    one arm            15       in Faneuil Hall            30
+ "   do.    four fingers        5    "  do. do. on occasion
+ "   do.    one eye            10       of presentation of
+ "  the breaking of six ribs    6       sword to Colonel Wright    25
+ "  having served under              "  one suit of grey clothes
+    Colonel Cushing one                 (ingeniously unbecoming)   15
+    month                      44    "  musical entertainments
+                                        (drum and fife six
+                                        months)                     5
+                                     "  one dinner after return     1
+                                     "  chance of pension           1
+                                     "  privilege of drawing
+                                        longbow during rest of
+                                        natural life               23
+                             ----                                ----
+    E. E.                     100                                 100
+
+
+It would appear that Mr. Sawin found the actual feast curiously the
+reverse of the bill of fare advertised in Faneuil Hall and other places.
+His primary object seems to have been the making of his fortune.
+_Qu�renda pecunia primum, virtus post nummos._ He hoisted sail for
+Eldorado, and shipwrecked on Point Tribulation. _Quid non mortalia
+pectora cogis, auri sacra fames?_ The speculation has sometimes crossed
+my mind, in that dreary interval of drought which intervenes between
+quarterly stipendiary showers, that Providence, by the creation of a
+money-tree, might have simplified wonderfully the sometimes perplexing
+problem of human life. We read of bread-trees, the butter for which lies
+ready-churned in Irish bogs. Milk-trees we are assured of in South
+America, and stout Sir John Hawkins testifies to water-trees in the
+Canaries. Boot-trees bear abundantly in Lynn and elsewhere; and I have
+seen, in the entries of the wealthy, hat-trees with a fair show of
+fruit. A family-tree I once cultivated myself, and found therefrom but a
+scanty yield, and that quite tasteless and innutritious. Of trees
+bearing men we are not without examples; as those in the park of Louis
+the Eleventh of France. Who has forgotten, moreover, that olive-tree
+growing in the Athenian's back-garden, with its strange uxorious crop,
+for the general propagation of which, as of a new and precious variety,
+the philosopher Diogenes, hitherto uninterested in arboriculture, was so
+zealous? In the _sylva_ of our own Southern States, the females of my
+family have called my attention to the china-tree. Not to multiply
+examples, I will barely add to my list the birch-tree, in the smaller
+branches of which has been implanted so miraculous a virtue for
+communicating the Latin and Greek languages, and which may well
+therefore be classed among the trees producing necessaries of
+life,--_venerabile donum fatalis virg�_. That money-trees existed in the
+golden age there want not prevalent reasons for our believing. For does
+not the old proverb, when it asserts that money does not grow on _every_
+bush, imply _� fortiori_, that there were certain bushes which did
+produce it? Again, there is another ancient saw to the effect that money
+is the _root_ of all evil. From which two adages it may be safe to infer
+that the aforesaid species of tree first degenerated into a shrub, then
+absconded underground, and finally, in our iron age, vanished
+altogether. In favourable exposures it may be conjectured that a
+specimen or two survived to a great age, as in the garden of the
+Hesperides; and, indeed, what else could that tree in the Sixth �neid
+have been, with a branch whereof the Trojan hero procured admission to a
+territory, for the entering of which money is a surer passport than to a
+certain other more profitable (too) foreign kingdom? Whether these
+speculations of mine have any force in them, or whether they will not
+rather, by most readers, be deemed impertinent to the matter in hand, is
+a question which I leave to the determination of an indulgent posterity.
+That there were, in more primitive and happier times, shops where money
+was sold,--and that, too, on credit and at a bargain,--I take to be
+matter of demonstration. For what but a dealer in this article was that
+�olus who supplied Ulysses with motive power for his fleet in bags? What
+that Ericus, king of Sweden, who is said to have kept the winds in his
+cap? What, in more recent times, those Lapland Nornas who traded in
+favourable breezes? All which will appear the more clearly when we
+consider, that, even to this day, _raising the wind_ is proverbial for
+raising money, and that brokers and banks were invented by the Venetians
+at a later period.
+
+And now for the improvement of this digression. I find a parallel to Mr.
+Sawin's fortune in an adventure of my own. For, shortly after I had
+first broached to myself the before-stated natural-historical and
+arch�ological theories, as I was passing, _h�c negotia penitus mecum
+revolvens_, through one of the obscure suburbs of our New England
+metropolis, my eye was attracted by these words upon a sign-board,--CHEAP
+CASH-STORE. Here was at once the confirmation of my speculations, and
+the substance of my hopes. Here lingered the fragment of a happier past,
+or stretched out the first tremulous organic filament of a more
+fortunate future. Thus glowed the distant Mexico to the eyes of Sawin,
+as he looked through the dirty pane of the recruiting-office window, or
+speculated from the summit of that mirage-Pisgah which the imps of the
+bottle are so cunning in raising up. Already had my Alnaschar-fancy
+(even during that first half-believing glance) expended in various
+useful directions the funds to be obtained by pledging the manuscript of
+a proposed volume of discourses. Already did a clock ornament the tower
+of the Jaalam meeting-house--a gift appropriately, but modestly,
+commemorated in the parish and town records, both, for now many years,
+kept by myself. Already had my son Seneca completed his course at the
+University. Whether, for the moment, we may not be considered as
+actually lording it over those Baratarias with the viceroyalty of which
+Hope invests us, and whether we are ever so warmly housed as in our
+Spanish castles, would afford matter of argument. Enough that I found
+that sign-board to be no other than a bait to the trap of a decayed
+grocer. Nevertheless, I bought a pound of dates (getting short weight by
+reason of immense flights of harpy flies, who pursued and lighted upon
+their prey even in the very scales), which purchase I made, not only
+with an eye to the little ones at home, but also as a figurative reproof
+of that too-frequent habit of my mind, which, forgetting the due order
+of chronology, will often persuade me that the happy sceptre of Saturn
+is stretched over this Astr�a-forsaken nineteenth century.
+
+Having glanced at the ledger of Glory under the title _Sawin, B._, let
+us extend our investigations, and discover if that instructive volume
+does not contain some charges more personally interesting to ourselves.
+I think we should be more economical of our resources, did we thoroughly
+appreciate the fact, that, whenever Brother Jonathan seems to be
+thrusting his hand into his own pocket, he is, in fact, picking ours. I
+confess that the late _muck_ which the country has been running, has
+materially changed my views as to the best method of raising revenue.
+If, by means of direct taxation, the bills for every extraordinary
+outlay were brought under our immediate eye, so that, like thrifty
+housekeepers, we could see where and how fast the money was going, we
+should be less likely to commit extravagances. At present, these things
+are managed in such a hugger-mugger way, that we know not what we pay
+for; the poor man is charged as much as the rich; and, while we are
+saving and scrimping at the spigot, the government is drawing off at the
+bung. If we could know that a part of the money we expend for tea and
+coffee goes to buy powder and ball, and that it is Mexican blood which
+makes the clothes on our backs more costly, it would set some of us
+athinking. During the present fall, I have often pictured to myself a
+government official entering my study, and handing me the following
+bill:--
+
+
+                                    WASHINGTON, Sept. 30, 1848.
+
+               REV. HOMER WILBUR _to_ UNCLE SAMUEL,           _Dr._
+
+ To his share of work done in Mexico on partnership
+    account, sundry jobs, as below.
+
+ " killing, maiming, and wounding about 5,000 Mexicans        $2.00
+
+ " slaughtering one woman carrying water to wounded             .10
+
+ " extra work on two different Sabbaths (one bombardment
+    and one assault) whereby the Mexicans were prevented
+    from defiling themselves with the idolatries of high
+    mass                                                       3.50
+
+ " throwing an especially fortunate and Protestant
+    bomb-shell into the Cathedral at Vera Cruz, whereby
+    several female Papists were slain at the altar              .50
+
+ " his proportion of cash paid for conquered territory         1.75
+
+ "         do.       do.       for conquering  do.             1.50
+
+ " manuring do. with new superior compost called
+    "American Citizen"                                          .50
+
+ " extending the area of freedom and Protestantism              .01
+
+ " glory                                                        .01
+                                                             ------
+                                                              $9.87
+
+   _Immediate payment is requested._
+
+N.B. Thankful for former favours, U. S. requests a continuance of
+patronage. Orders executed with neatness and despatch. Terms as low as
+those of any other contractor for the same kind and style of work.
+
+
+I can fancy the official answering my look of horror with,--"Yes, Sir,
+it looks like a high charge, Sir; but in these days slaughtering is
+slaughtering." Verily, I would that every one understood that it was;
+for it goes about obtaining money under the false pretence of being
+glory. For me, I have an imagination which plays me uncomfortable
+tricks. It happens to me sometimes to see a slaughterer on his way home
+from his day's work, and forthwith my imagination puts a cocked-hat upon
+his head, and epaulettes upon his shoulders, and sets him up as a
+candidate for the Presidency. So, also, on a recent public occasion, as
+the place assigned to the "Reverend Clergy" is just behind that of
+"Officers of the Army and Navy" in processions, it was my fortune to be
+seated at the dinner-table over against one of these respectable
+persons. He was arrayed as (out of his own profession) only kings,
+court-officers, and footmen are in Europe, and Indians in America. Now
+what does my over-officious imagination but set to work upon him, strip
+him of his gay livery, and present him to me coatless, his trousers
+thrust into the tops of a pair of boots thick with clotted blood, and a
+basket on his arm out of which lolled a gore-smeared axe, thereby
+destroying my relish for the temporal mercies upon the board before
+me.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. IX.
+
+A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.
+
+
+[Upon the following letter slender comment will be needful. In what
+river Selemnus has Mr. Sawin bathed, that he has become so swiftly
+oblivious of his former loves? From an ardent and (as befits a soldier)
+confident wooer of that coy bride, the popular favour, we see him
+subside of a sudden into the (I trust not jilted) Cincinnatus, returning
+to his plough with a goodly-sized branch of willow in his hand;
+figuratively returning, however, to a figurative plough, and from no
+profound affection for that honoured implement of husbandry (for which,
+indeed, Mr. Sawin never displayed any decided predilection), but in
+order to be gracefully summoned therefrom to more congenial labours. It
+would seem that the character of the ancient Dictator had become part of
+the recognised stock of our modern political comedy, though, as our term
+of office extends to a quadrennial length, the parallel is not so
+minutely exact as could be desired. It is sufficiently so, however, for
+purposes of scenic representation. An humble cottage (if built of logs,
+the better) forms the Arcadian background of the stage. This rustic
+paradise is labeled Ashland, Jaalam, North Bend, Marshfield, Kinderhook,
+or B�ton Rouge, as occasion demands. Before the door stands a something
+with one handle (the other painted in proper perspective), which
+represents, in happy ideal vagueness, the plough. To this the defeated
+candidate rushes with delirious joy, welcomed as a father by
+appropriate groups of happy labourers, or from it the successful one is
+torn with difficulty, sustained alone by a noble sense of public duty.
+Only I have observed, that, if the scene be laid at B�ton Rouge or
+Ashland, the labourers are kept carefully in the background, and are
+heard to shout from behind the scenes in a singular tone, resembling
+ululation, and accompanied by a sound not unlike vigorous clapping.
+This, however, may be artistically in keeping with the habits of the
+rustic population of those localities. The precise connexion between
+agricultural pursuits and statesmanship I have not been able, after
+diligent inquiry, to discover. But, that my investigations may not be
+barren of all fruit, I will mention one curious statistical fact, which
+I consider thoroughly established, namely, that no real farmer ever
+attains practically beyond a seat in General Court, however
+theoretically qualified for more exalted station.
+
+It is probable that some other prospect has been opened to Mr. Sawin,
+and that he has not made this great sacrifice without some definite
+understanding in regard to a seat in the cabinet, or a foreign mission.
+It may be supposed that we of Jaalam were not untouched by a feeling of
+villatic pride in beholding our townsman occupying so large a space in
+the public eye. And to me, deeply revolving the qualifications necessary
+to a candidate in these frugal times, those of Mr. S. seemed peculiarly
+adapted to a successful campaign. The loss of a leg, an arm, an eye, and
+four fingers, reduced him so nearly to the condition of a _vox et
+pr�terea nihil_, that I could think of nothing but the loss of his head
+by which his chance could have been bettered. But since he has chosen to
+baulk our suffrages, we must content ourselves with what we can get,
+remembering _lactucas non esse dandas, dum cardui sufficiant_.--H. W.]
+
+
+    I spose you recollect thet I explained my gennle views
+    In the last billet thet I writ, 'way down frum Veery Cruze,
+    Jest arter I 'd a kind o' ben spontanously sot up
+    To run unanimously fer the Presidential cup;
+    O' course it worn't no wish o' mine, 't wuz ferfiely distressin',
+    But poppiler enthusiasm gut so almighty pressin'
+    Thet, though like sixty all along I fumed an' fussed an' sorrered,
+    There did n't seem no ways to stop their bringin' on me forrerd:
+    Fact is, they udged the matter so, I could n't help admittin'
+    The Father o' his Country's shoes no feet but mine 'ould fit in,
+    Besides the savin' o' the soles fer ages to succeed,
+    Seein' thet with one wannut foot, a pair 'd be more 'n I need;
+    An', tell ye wut, them shoes 'll want a thund'rin' sight o' patchin',
+    Ef this ere fashion is to last we 've gut into o' hatchin'
+    A pair o' second Washintons fer every new election,--
+    Though, fur ez number one 's consarned, I don't make no objection.
+
+    I wuz agoin' on to say thet wen at fust I saw
+    The masses would stick to 't I wuz the Country's father-'n-law
+    (They would ha' hed it _Father_, but I told 'em 't would n't du,
+    Coz thet wuz sutthin' of a sort they could n't split in tu,
+    An' Washinton hed hed the thing laid fairly to his door,
+    Nor dars n't say 't worn't his'n, much ez sixty year afore),
+    But 't aint no matter ez to thet; wen I wuz nomernated,
+    'T worn't natur but wut I should feel consid'able elated,
+    An' wile the hooraw o' the thing wuz kind o' noo an' fresh,
+    I thought our ticket would ha' caird the country with a resh.
+
+    Sence I 've come hum, though, an' looked round, I think I seem to find
+    Strong argimunts ez thick ez fleas to make me change my mind;
+    It 's clear to any one whose brain ain't fur gone in a phthisis,
+    Thet hail Columby's happy land is goin' thru a crisis,
+    An' 't would n't noways du to hev the people's mind distracted
+    By bein' all to once by sev'ral pop'lar names attackted;
+    'T would save holl haycartloads o' fuss an' three four months o' jaw,
+    Ef some illustrous paytriot should back out an' withdraw;
+    So, ez I aint a crooked stick, jest like--like ole (I swow,
+    I dunno ez I know his name)--I 'll go back to my plough.
+    Now, 't aint no more 'n is proper 'n' right in sech a sitooation
+    To hint the course you think 'll be the savin' o' the nation;
+    To funk right out o' p'lit'cal strife aint thought to be the thing,
+    Without you deacon off the toon you want your folks should sing;
+    So I edvise the noomrous friends thet 's in one boat with me
+    To jest up killock, jam right down their hellum hard a lee,
+    Haul the sheets taut, an', laying out upon the Suthun tack,
+    Make fer the safest port they can, wich, _I_ think, is Ole Zack.
+
+    Next thing you 'll want to know, I spose, wut argimunts I seem
+    To see thet makes me think this ere 'll be the strongest team;
+    Fust place, I've ben consid'ble round in bar-rooms an' saloons
+    Agethrin' public sentiment, 'mongst Demmercrats and Coons,
+    An' 't aint ve'y offen thet I meet a chap but wut goes in
+    Fer Rough an' Ready, fair an' square, hufs, taller, horns, an' skin;
+    I don't deny but wut, fer one, ez fur ez I could see,
+    I didn't like at fust the Pheladelphy nomernee;
+    I could ha' pinted to a man thet wuz, I guess, a peg
+    Higher than him,--a soger, tu, an' with a wooden leg;
+    But every day with more an' more o' Taylor zeal I 'm burnin',
+    Seein' wich way the tide thet sets to office is aturnin';
+    Wy, into Bellers's we notched the votes down on three sticks,--
+    'T wuz Birdofredum _one_, Cass _aught_, an' Taylor _twenty-six_,
+    An', bein' the on'y canderdate thet wuz upon the ground,
+    They said 't wuz no more 'n right thet I should pay the drinks all
+              round;
+    Ef I 'd expected sech a trick, I would n't ha' cut my foot
+    By goin' an' votin' fer myself like a consumed coot;
+    It did n't make no diff'rence, though; I wish I may be cust,
+    Ef Bellers wuz n't slim enough to say he would n't trust!
+
+    Another pint thet influences the minds o' sober jedges
+    Is thet the Gin'ral hez n't gut tied hand an' foot with pledges;
+    He hez n't told ye wut he is, an' so there aint no knowin'
+    But wut he may turn out to be the best there is agoin';
+    This, at the on'y spot thet pinched, the shoe directly eases,
+    Coz every one is free to 'xpect percisely wut he pleases:
+    I want free-trade; you don't; the Gin'ral is n't bound to neither;--
+    I vote my way; you, yourn; an' both air sooted to a T there.
+    Ole Rough an' Ready, tu, 's a Wig, but without bein' ultry
+    (He 's like a holsome hayinday, thet 's warm, but is n't sultry);
+    He 's jest wut I should call myself, a kin' o' _scratch_, ez 't ware,
+    Thet aint exacly all a wig nor wholly your own hair;
+    I 've ben a Wig three weeks myself, jest o' this mod'rate sort,
+    An' don't find them an' Demmercrats so different ez I thought;
+    They both act pooty much alike, an' push an' scrouge an' cus;
+    They 're like two pickpockets in league fer Uncle Samwell's pus;
+    Each takes a side, an' then they squeeze the old man in between 'em,
+    Turn all his pockets wrong side out an' quick ez lightnin' clean 'em;
+    To nary one on 'em I 'd trust a secon'-handed rail
+    No furder off 'an I could sling a bullock by the tail.
+    Webster sot matters right in that air Mashfiel' speech o' his'n;--
+    "Taylor," sez he, "aint nary ways the one thet I 'd a chizzen,
+    Nor he ain't fittin' fer the place, an' like ez not he aint
+    No more 'n a tough ole bullethead, an' no gret of a saint;
+    But then," sez he, "obsarve my pint, he's jest ez good to vote fer
+    Ez though the greasin' on him worn't a thing to hire Choate fer;
+    Aint it ez easy done to drop a ballot in a box
+    Fer one ez 't is fer t' other, fer the bulldog ez the fox?"
+    It takes a mind like Dannel's, fact, ez big ez all ou' doors,
+    To find out thet it looks like rain arter it fairly pours;
+    I 'gree with him, it aint so dreffle troublesome to vote
+    Fer Taylor arter all,--it 's jest to go an' change your coat;
+    Wen he's once greased, you 'll swaller him an' never know on't, source,
+    Unless he scratches, goin' down, with them air Gin'ral's spurs.
+    I 've ben a votin' Demmercrat, ez reg'lar ez a clock,
+    But don't find goin' Taylor gives my narves no gret 'f a shock;
+    Truth is, the cutest leadin' Wigs, ever sence fust they found
+    Wich side the bread gut buttered on, hev kep' a edgin' round;
+    They kin' o' slipt the planks frum out th' ole platform one by one
+    An' made it gradooally noo, 'fore folks know'd wut wuz done,
+    Till, fur 'z I know, there aint an inch thet I could lay my han' on,
+    But I, or any Demmercrat, feels comf'table to stan' on,
+    An' ole Wig doctrines act'lly look, their occ'pants bein' gone,
+    Lonesome ez staddles on a mash without no hay-ricks on.
+
+    I spose it 's time now I should give my thoughts upon the plan,
+    Thet chipped the shell at Buffalo, o' settin' up ole Van.
+    I used to vote fer Martin, but, I swan, I 'm clean disgusted,--
+    He aint the man thet I can say is fittin' to be trusted;
+    He aint half antislav'ry 'nough, nor I aint sure, ez some be,
+    He 'd go in fer abolishin' the Deestrick o' Columby;
+    An', now I come to recollect, it kin' o' makes me sick 'z
+    A horse, to think o' wut he wuz in eighteen thirty-six.
+    An' then, another thing;--I guess, though mebby I am wrong,
+    This Buff'lo plaster aint agoin' to dror almighty strong;
+    Some folks, I know, hev gut th' idee thet No'thun dough 'll rise,
+    Though, 'fore I see it riz an' baked, I would n't trust my eyes;
+    'T will take more emptins, a long chalk, than this noo party 's gut,
+    To give sech heavy cakes ez them a start, I tell ye wut.
+    But even ef they caird the day, there would n't be no endurin'
+    To stand upon a platform with sech critters ez Van Buren;--
+    An' his son John, tu, I can't think how thet air chap should dare
+    To speak ez he doos; wy, they say he used to cuss an' swear!
+    I spose he never read the hymn thet tells how down the stairs
+    A feller with long legs wuz throwed thet would n't say his prayers.
+
+    This brings me to another pint: the leaders o' the party
+    Aint jest sech men ez I can act along with free an' hearty;
+    They aint not quite respectable, an' wen a feller's morrils
+    Don't toe the straightest kin' o' mark, wy, him an' me jest quarrils.
+    I went to a free soil meetin' once, an' wut d' ye think I see?
+    A feller wuz aspoutin' there thet act'lly come to me,
+    About two year ago last spring, ez nigh ez I can jedge,
+    An' axed me ef I didn't want to sign the Temprunce pledge!
+    He 's one o' them thet goes about an' sez you hed n't ough' to
+    Drink nothin', mornin', noon, or night, stronger 'an Taunton water.
+    There 's one rule I 've ben guided by, in settlin' how to vote,
+              ollers,--
+    I take the side thet _is n't_ took by them consarned tee-totallers.
+
+    Ez fer the niggers, I 've been South, an' thet hez changed my mind;
+    A lazier, more ungrateful set you could n't nowers find.
+    You know I mentioned in my last thet I should buy a nigger,
+    Ef I could make a purchase at a pooty mod'rate figger;
+    So, ez there 's nothin' in the world I 'm fonder of 'an gunnin',
+    I closed a bargin finally to take a feller runnin'.
+    I shou'dered queen's-arm an' stumped out, an' wen I come t' th' swamp,
+    'T worn't very long afore I gut upon the nest o' Pomp;
+    I come acrost a kin' o' hut, an', playin' round the door,
+    Some little woolly-headed cubs, ez many 'z six or more.
+    At fust I thought o' firin', but _think twice_ is safest ollers;
+    There aint, thinks I, not one on em' but 's wuth his twenty dollars,
+    Or would be, ef I hed 'em back into a Christian land,--
+    How temptin' all on 'em would look upon an auction-stand!
+    (Not but wut _I_ hate Slavery in th' abstract, stem to starn,--
+    I leave it ware our fathers did, a privit State consarn.)
+    Soon 'z they see _me_, they yelled an' run, but Pomp wuz out ahoein'
+    A leetle patch o' corn he hed, or else there aint no knowin'
+    He would n't ha' took a pop at me; but I hed gut the start,
+    An' wen he looked, I vow he groaned ez though he'd broke his heart;
+    He done it like a wite man, tu, ez nat'ral ez a pictur,
+    The imp'dunt, pis'nous hypocrite! wus 'an a boy constrictur.
+    "You can 't gum _me_, I tell ye now, an' so you need n't try,
+    I 'xpect my eye-teeth every mail, so jest shet up," sez I.
+    "Don't go to actin' ugly now, or else I 'll jest let strip,
+    You 'd best draw kindly, seein' 'z how I 've gut ye on the hip;
+    Besides, you darned ole fool, it aint no gret of a disaster
+    To be benev'lently druv back to a contented master,
+    Ware you hed Christian priv'ledges you don't seem quite aware of,
+    Or you 'd ha' never run away from bein' well took care of;
+    Ez fer kin' treatment, wy, he wuz so fond on ye, he said
+    He 'd give a fifty spot right out, to git ye, 'live or dead;
+    Wite folks aint sot by half ez much; 'member I run away,
+    Wen I wuz bound to Cap'n Jakes, to Mattysqumscot bay;
+    Don' know him, likely? Spose not; wal, the mean ole codger went
+    An' offered--wut reward, think? Wal, it worn't no _less_ 'n a cent."
+
+    Wal, I jest gut 'em into line, an druv 'em on afore me,
+    The pis'nous brutes, I 'd no idee o' the ill-will they bore me;
+    We walked till som'ers about noon, an' then it grew so hot
+    I thought it best to camp awile, so I chose out a spot
+    Jest under a magnoly tree, an' there right down I sot;
+    Then I unstrapped my wooden leg, coz it begun to chafe,
+    An' laid it down jest by my side, supposin' all wuz safe;
+    I made my darkies all set down around me in a ring,
+    An' sot an' kin' o' ciphered up how much the lot would bring;
+    But, wile I drinked the peaceful cup of a pure heart an' mind
+    (Mixed with some wiskey, now an' then), Pomp he snaked up behind,
+    An', creepin' grad'lly close tu, ez quiet ez a mink,
+    Jest grabbed my leg, and then pulled foot, quicker 'an you could wink,
+    An', come to look, they each on 'em hed gut behin' a tree,
+    An' Pomp poked out the leg a piece, jest so ez I could see,
+    An' yelled to me to throw away my pistils an' my gun,
+    Or else thet they 'd cair off the leg an' fairly cut the run.
+    I vow I did n't b'lieve there wuz a decent alligatur
+    Thet hed a heart so destitoot o' common human natur;
+    However, ez there worn't no help, I finally gev in
+    An' heft my arms away to git my leg safe back agin.
+    Pomp gethered all the weapins up, an' then he come an' grinned,
+    He showed his ivory some, I guess, an' sez, "You 're fairly pinned;
+    Jest buckle on your leg agin, an' git right up an' come,
+    'T wun't du fer fammerly men like me to be so long from hum."
+    At fust I put my foot right down an' swore I would n't budge.
+    "Jest ez you choose," sez he, quite cool, "either be shot or trudge."
+    So this black-hearted monster took an' act'lly druv me back
+    Along the very feetmarks o' my happy mornin' track,
+    An' kep' me pris'ner 'bout six months, an' worked me, tu, like sin,
+    Till I bed gut his corn an' his Carliny taters in;
+    He made me larn him readin', tu (although the crittur saw
+    How much it hurt my morril sense to act agin the law),
+    So 'st he could read a Bible he 'd gut; an' axed ef I could pint
+    The North Star out; but there I put his nose some out o' jint,
+    Fer I weeled roun' about sou'west, an', lookin' up a bit,
+    Picked out a middlin' shiny one an' tole him thet wuz it.
+    Fin'lly, he took me to the door, an', givin' me a kick,
+    Sez,--"Ef you know wut 's best fer ye, be off, now, double-quick;
+    The winter-time 's a comin' on, an', though I gut ye cheap,
+    You 're so darned lazy, I don't think you 're hardly wuth your keep;
+    Besides, the childrin's growin' up, an' you aint jest the model
+    I 'd like to hev 'em immertate, an' so you 'd better toddle!"
+
+    Now is there any thin' on airth 'll ever prove to me
+    Thet renegader slaves like him air fit fer bein' free?
+    D' you think they 'll suck me in to jine the Buff'lo chaps, an' them
+    Rank infidels thet go agin the Scriptur'l cus o' Shem?
+    Not by a jugfull! sooner 'n thet, I 'd go thru fire an' water;
+    Wen I hev once made up my mind, a meet'nhus aint sotter;
+    No, not though all the crows thet flies to pick my bones wuz cawin',--
+    I guess we 're in a Christian land,--
+
+                                            Yourn,
+
+                                                BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN.
+
+
+[Here, patient reader, we take leave of each other, I trust with some
+mutual satisfaction. I say _patient_, for I love not that kind which
+skims dippingly over the surface of the page, as swallows over a pool
+before rain. By such no pearls shall be gathered. But if no pearls
+there be (as, indeed, the world is not without example of books
+wherefrom the longest-winded diver shall bring up no more than his
+proper handful of mud), yet let us hope that an oyster or two may reward
+adequate perseverance. If neither pearls nor oysters, yet is patience
+itself a gem worth diving deeply for.
+
+It may seem to some that too much space has been usurped by my own
+private lucubrations, and some may be fain to bring against me that old
+jest of him who preached all his hearers out of the meeting-house save
+only the sexton, who, remaining for yet a little space, from a sense of
+official duty, at last gave out also, and, presenting the keys, humbly
+requested our preacher to lock the doors, when he should have wholly
+relieved himself of his testimony. I confess to a satisfaction in the
+self act of preaching, nor do I esteem a discourse to be wholly thrown
+away even upon a sleeping or unintelligent auditory. I cannot easily
+believe that the Gospel of St. John, which Jacques Cartier ordered to be
+read in the Latin tongue to the Canadian savages, upon his first meeting
+with them, fell altogether upon stony ground. For the earnestness of the
+preacher is a sermon appreciable by dullest intellects and most alien
+ears. In this wise did Episcopius convert many to his opinions, who yet
+understood not the language in which he discoursed. The chief thing is,
+that the messenger believe that he has an authentic message to deliver.
+For counterfeit messengers that mode of treatment which Father John de
+Plano Carpini relates to have prevailed among the Tartars would seem
+effectual, and, perhaps, deserved enough. For my own part, I may lay
+claim to so much of the spirit of martyrdom as would have led me to go
+into banishment with those clergymen whom Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal
+drave out of his kingdom for refusing to shorten their pulpit eloquence.
+It is possible, that, having been invited into my brother Biglow's
+desk, I may have been too little scrupulous in using it for the venting
+of my own peculiar doctrines to a congregation drawn together in the
+expectation and with the desire of hearing him.
+
+I am not wholly unconscious of a peculiarity of mental organization
+which impels me, like the railroad-engine with its train of cars, to run
+backward for a short distance in order to obtain a fairer start. I may
+compare myself to one fishing from the rocks when the sea runs high,
+who, misinterpreting the suction of the undertow for the biting of some
+larger fish, jerks suddenly, and finds that he has _caught bottom_,
+hauling in upon the end of his line a trail of various _alg�_, among
+which, nevertheless, the naturalist may haply find somewhat to repay the
+disappointment of the angler. Yet have I conscientiously endeavoured to
+adapt myself to the impatient temper of the age, daily degenerating more
+and more from the high standard of our pristine New England. To the
+catalogue of lost arts I would mournfully add also that of listening to
+two-hour sermons. Surely we have been abridged into a race of pigmies.
+For, truly, in those of the old discourses yet subsisting to us in
+print, the endless spinal column of divisions and subdivisions can be
+likened to nothing so exactly as to the vertebr� of the saurians, whence
+the theorist may conjecture a race of Anakim proportionate to the
+withstanding of these other monsters. I say Anakim rather than Nephelim,
+because there seem reasons for supposing that the race of those whose
+heads (though no giants) are constantly enveloped in clouds (which that
+name imports) will never become extinct. The attempt to vanquish the
+innumerable _heads_ of one of those aforementioned discourses may supply
+us with a plausible interpretation of the second labour of Hercules, and
+his successful experiment with fire affords us a useful precedent.
+
+But while I lament the degeneracy of the age in this regard, I cannot
+refuse to succumb to its influence. Looking out through my study-window,
+I see Mr. Biglow at a distance busy in gathering his Baldwins, of which,
+to judge by the number of barrels lying about under the trees, his crop
+is more abundant than my own,--by which sight I am admonished to turn to
+those orchards of the mind wherein my labours may be more prospered, and
+apply myself diligently to the preparation of my next Sabbath's
+discourse.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+GLOSSARY.
+
+
+ A.
+
+ Act'lly, _actually_.
+
+ Air, _are_.
+
+ Airth, _earth_.
+
+ Airy, _area_.
+
+ Aree, _area_.
+
+ Arter, _after_.
+
+ Ax, _ask_.
+
+
+ B.
+
+ Beller, _bellow_.
+
+ Bellowses, _lunge_.
+
+ Ben, _been_.
+
+ Bile, _boil_.
+
+ Bimeby, _by and by_.
+
+ Blurt out, _to speak bluntly_.
+
+ Bust, _burst_.
+
+ Buster, _a roistering blade_;
+   used also as a general superlative.
+
+
+ C.
+
+ Caird, _carried_.
+
+ Cairn, _carrying_.
+
+ Caleb, _a turncoat_.
+
+ Cal'late, _calculate_.
+
+ Cass, _a person with two lives_.
+
+ Close, _clothes_.
+
+ Cockerel, _a young cock_.
+
+ Cocktail, _a kind of drink_;
+   also, _an ornament peculiar to soldiers_.
+
+ Convention, _a place where people are imposed on_;
+   _a juggler's show_.
+
+ Coons, _a cant term for a now defunct party_;
+   derived, perhaps, from the fact of their being commonly _up a tree_.
+
+ Cornwallis, _a sort of muster in masquerade_;
+   supposed to have had its origin soon after the Revolution, and to
+           commemorate the surrender of Lord Cornwallis. It took the
+           place of the old Guy Fawkes procession.
+
+ Crooked stick, _a perverse, froward person_.
+
+ Cunnle, _a colonel_.
+
+ Cus, _a curse_;
+   also, _a pitiful fellow_.
+
+
+ D.
+
+ Darsn't, used indiscriminately, either in singular or plural number,
+           for _dare not_, _dares not_, and _dared not_.
+
+ Deacon off, _to give the cue to_;
+   derived from a custom, once universal, but now extinct, in our New
+           England Congregational churches. An important part of the
+           office of deacon was to read aloud the hymns _given out_ by
+           the minister, one line at a time, the congregation singing
+           each line as soon as read.
+
+ Demmercrat, leadin', _one in favour of extending slavery_;
+   _a free-trade lecturer maintained in the custom-house_.
+
+ Desput, _desperate_.
+
+ Doos, _does_.
+
+ Doughface, _a contented lick-spittle_;
+   a common variety of Northern politician.
+
+ Dror, _draw_.
+
+ Du, _do_.
+
+ Dunno, dno, _do not_ or _does not know_.
+
+ Dut, _dirt_.
+
+
+ E.
+
+ Eend, _end_.
+
+ Ef, _if_.
+
+ Emptins, _yeast_.
+
+ Env'y, _envoy_.
+
+ Everlasting, an intensive, without reference to duration.
+
+ Ev'y, _every_.
+
+ Ez, _as_.
+
+
+ F.
+
+ Fer, _for_.
+
+ Ferfle, ferful, _fearful_;
+   also an intensive.
+
+ Fin', _find_.
+
+ Fish-skin, used in New England to clarify coffee.
+
+ Fix, _a difficulty_, _a nonplus_.
+
+ Foller, folly, _to follow_.
+
+ Forrerd, _forward_.
+
+ Frum, _from_.
+
+ Fur, _far_.
+
+ Furder, _farther_.
+
+ Furrer, _furrow_.
+   Metaphorically, _to draw a straight furrow_ is to live uprightly
+           or decorously.
+
+ Fust, _first_.
+
+
+ G.
+
+ Gin, _gave_.
+
+ Git, _get_.
+
+ Gret, _great_.
+
+ Grit, _spirit_, _energy_, _pluck_.
+
+ Grout, _to sulk_.
+
+ Grouty, _crabbed_, _surly_.
+
+ Gum, _to impose on_.
+
+ Gump, _a foolish fellow_, _a dullard_.
+
+ Gut, _got_.
+
+
+ H.
+
+ Hed, _had_.
+
+ Heern, _heard_.
+
+ Hellum, _helm_.
+
+ Hendy, _handy_.
+
+ Het, _heated_.
+
+ Hev, _have_.
+
+ Hez, _has_.
+
+ Holl, _whole_.
+
+ Holt, _hold_.
+
+ Huf, _hoof_.
+
+ Hull, _whole_.
+
+ Hum, _home_.
+
+ Humbug, _General Taylor's antislavery_.
+
+ Hut, _hurt_.
+
+
+ I.
+
+ Idno, _I do not know_.
+
+ In'my, _enemy_.
+
+ Insines, _ensigns_;
+   used to designate both the officer who carries the standard, and the
+           standard itself.
+
+ Inter, intu, _into_.
+
+
+ J.
+
+ Jedge, _judge_.
+
+ Jest, _just_.
+
+ Jine, _join_.
+
+ Jint, _joint_.
+
+ Junk, _a fragment of any solid substance_.
+
+
+ K.
+
+ Keer, _care_.
+
+ Kep, _kept_.
+
+ Killock, _a small anchor_.
+
+ Kin', kin' o', kinder, _kind_, _kind of_.
+
+
+ L.
+
+ Lawth, _loath_.
+
+ Let day-light into, _to shoot_.
+
+ Let on, _to hint_, _to confess_, _to own_.
+
+ Lick, _to beat_, _to overcome_.
+
+ Lights, _the bowels_.
+
+ Lily-pads, _leaves of the water-lily_.
+
+ Long-sweetening, _molasses_.
+
+ Loon, _the northern diver_.
+
+
+ M.
+
+ Mash, _marsh_.
+
+ Mean, _stingy_, _ill-natured_.
+
+ Min', _mind_.
+
+
+ N.
+
+ Ned, a slang phrase, going it like Ned, equivalent to our 'going like
+           old Harry.'
+
+ Nimepunce, _ninepence_, _twelve and a half cents_.
+
+ Nowers, _nowhere_.
+
+
+ O.
+
+ Offen, _often_.
+
+ Ole, _old_.
+
+ Ollers, olluz, _always_.
+
+ On, _of_;
+   used before _it_ or _them_, or at the end of a sentence, as _on 't_,
+           _on 'em_, _nut ez ever I heerd on_.
+
+ On'y, _only_.
+
+ Ossifer, _officer_ (seldom heard).
+
+
+ P.
+
+ Peaked, _pointed_.
+
+ Peek, _to peep_.
+
+ Pickerel, _the pike, a fish_.
+
+ Pint, _point_.
+
+ Pocket full of rocks, _plenty of money_.
+
+ Pooty, _pretty_.
+
+ Pop'ler, _conceited_, _popular_.
+
+ Pus, _purse_.
+
+ Put out, _troubled_, _vexed_.
+
+
+ Q.
+
+ Quarter, _a quarter-dollar_.
+
+ Queen's arm, _a musket_.
+
+
+ R.
+
+ Resh, _rush_.
+
+ Revelee, _the r�veille_.
+
+ Rile, _to trouble_.
+
+ Riled, _angry_;
+   _disturbed_, as the sediment in any liquid.
+
+ Riz, _risen_.
+
+ Row, a long row to hoe, _a difficult task_.
+
+ Rugged, _robust_.
+
+ Row-de-dow, _troublesome talk_.
+
+
+ S.
+
+ Sarse, _abuse_, _impertinence_.
+
+ Sartin, _certain_.
+
+ Saxon, _sacristan_, _sexton_.
+
+ Scaliest, _worst_.
+
+ Scringe, _cringe_.
+
+ Scrouge, _to crowd_.
+
+ Sech, _such_.
+
+ Set by, _valued_.
+
+ Shakes, great, _of considerable consequence_.
+
+ Shappoes, _chapeaux_, _cocked-hats_.
+
+ Sheer, _share_.
+
+ Shet, _shut_.
+
+ Shine, _a fancy or liking_, also written _shindy_.
+
+ Shut, _shirt_.
+
+ Skeered, _scared_.
+
+ Skeeter, _mosquito_.
+
+ Skooting, _running_ or _moving swiftly_.
+
+ Slarterin', _slaughtering_.
+
+ Slim, _contemptible_.
+
+ Snaked, _crawled like a snake_;
+   but _to snake any one out_, is to track him to his hiding-place;
+   _to snake a thing out_ is to snatch it out.
+
+ Soffies, _sofas_.
+
+ Sogerin', _soldiering_;
+   a barbarous amusement common among men in the savage state.
+
+ Som'ers, _somewhere_.
+
+ So 'st, _so as that_.
+
+ Sot, _set_, _obstinate_, _resolute_.
+
+ Spiles, _spoils_; _objects of political ambition_.
+
+ Spry, _active_.
+
+ Staddles, _stout stakes driven into the salt marshes_, on which the
+           hay-ricks are set, and thus raised out of the reach of high
+           tides.
+
+ Streaked, _uncomfortable_, _discomfited_.
+
+ Suckle, _circle_.
+
+ Sutthin', _something_.
+
+ Suttin, _certain_.
+
+ Swan, _to swear_.
+
+
+ T.
+
+ Take on, _to sorrow_.
+
+ Talents, _talons_.
+
+ Taters, _potatoes_.
+
+ Tell, _till_.
+
+ Tetch, _touch_.
+
+ Tetch tu, _to be able_;
+   used always after a negative in this sense.
+
+ Tollable, _tolerable_.
+
+ Toot, used derisively _for playing on any wind instrument_.
+
+ Thru, _through_.
+
+ Thundering, a euphemism common in New England, for the profane English
+           expression _devilish_. Perhaps derived from the belief,
+           common formerly, that thunder was caused by the Prince of
+           the Air, for some of whose accomplishments consult Cotton
+           Mather.
+
+ Tu, _to_, _too_;
+   commonly has this sound when used emphatically, or at the end of a
+           sentence. At other times it has the sound of _t_ in _tough_,
+           as _Ware ye goin' tu? Goin' ta Boston_.
+
+
+ U.
+
+ Ugly, _ill-tempered_, _intractable_.
+
+ Uncle Sam, _United States_;
+   the largest boaster of liberty and owner of slaves.
+
+ Unrizzest, applied to dough or bread;
+   _heavy_, _most unrisen_, or _most incapable of rising_.
+
+
+ V
+
+ V spot, _a five-dollar bill_.
+
+ Vally, _value_.
+
+
+ W.
+
+ Wake snakes, _to get into trouble_.
+
+ Wal, _well_;
+   spoken with great deliberation, and sometimes with the _a_ very much
+           flattened, sometimes (but more seldom) very much broadened.
+
+ Wannut, _walnut_ (_hickory_).
+
+ Ware, _where_.
+
+ Ware, _were_.
+
+ Whopper, _an uncommonly large lie_;
+   as, that General Taylor is in favour of the Wilmot Proviso.
+
+ Wig, _Whig_;
+   a party now dissolved.
+
+ Wiz, _to whiz_;
+   _go off_ (like a rocket).
+
+ Wunt, _will not_.
+
+ Wus, _worse_.
+
+ Wut, _what_.
+
+ Wuth, _worth_;
+   as, _Antislavery perfessions 'fore 'lection aint wuth a Bungtown
+           copper_.
+
+ Wuz, _was_, sometimes _were_.
+
+
+ Y.
+
+ Yaller, _yellow_.
+
+ Yeller, _yellow_.
+
+ Yellers, _a disease of peach-trees_.
+
+
+ Z.
+
+ Zach, Ole, _a second Washington_, _an antislavery slaveholder_, _a
+           humane buyer and seller of men and women_, _a Christian hero
+           generally_.
+
+
+
+
+INDEX.
+
+
+ A. B., information wanted concerning, 76.
+
+ Adam, eldest son of, respected, 10.
+
+ �neas goes to hell, 101.
+
+ �olus, a seller of money, as is supposed by some, 101.
+
+ �schylus, a saying of, 51, _note_.
+
+ Alligator, a decent one conjectured to be, in some sort, humane, 120.
+
+ Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal, tyrannical act of, 120.
+
+ Ambrose, Saint, excellent (but rationalistic) sentiment of, 35.
+
+ "American Citizen," new compost so called, 104.
+
+ American Eagle, a source of inspiration, 45
+   --hitherto wrongly classed, 51
+   --long bill of, 51.
+
+ Amos, cited, 34.
+
+ Anakim, that they formerly existed, shown, 124.
+
+ Angels, providentially speak French, 23
+   --conjectured to be skilled in all tongues, _ib._
+
+ Anglo-Saxondom, its idea, what, 21.
+
+ Anglo-Saxon mask, 21.
+
+ Anglo-Saxon race, 16.
+
+ Anglo-Saxon verse, by whom carried to perfection, 11.
+
+ Antonius, a speech of, 40
+   --by whom best reported, _ib._
+
+ Apocalypse, beast in, magnetic to theologians, 83.
+
+ Apollo, confessed mortal by his own oracle, 83.
+
+ Apollyon, his tragedies popular, 72.
+
+ Appian, an Alexandrian, not equal to Shakspeare as an orator, 40.
+
+ Ararat, ignorance of foreign tongues is an, 53.
+
+ Arcadian background, 106.
+
+ Aristophanes, 34.
+
+ Arms, profession of, once esteemed especially that of gentlemen, 10.
+
+ Arnold, 42.
+
+ Ashland, 106.
+
+ Astor, Jacob, a rich man, 91.
+
+ Astr�a, nineteenth century forsaken by, 102.
+
+ Athenians, ancient, an institution of, 41.
+
+ Atherton, Senator, envies the loon, 60.
+
+ Austin, St., profane wish of, 43, _note_.
+
+ Aye-Aye, the, an African animal, America supposed to be settled by, 25.
+
+
+ Babel, probably the first Congress, 53
+   --a gabble-mill, _ib._
+
+ Baby, a low-priced one, 98.
+
+ Bagowind, Hon. Mr., whether to be damned, 63.
+
+ Baldwin apples, 125.
+
+ Baratarias, real or imaginary, which most pleasant, 102.
+
+ Barnum, a great natural curiosity recommended to, 49.
+
+ Barrels, an inference from seeing, 125.
+
+ B�ton Rouge, 106
+   --strange peculiarities of labourers at, 107.
+
+ Baxter, R., a saying of, 35.
+
+ Bay, Mattysqumscot, 119.
+
+ Bay State, singular effect produced on military officers by leaving
+           it, 21.
+
+ Beast in Apocalypse, a loadstone, for whom, 83.
+
+ Beelzebub, his rigadoon, 61.
+
+ Behmen, his letters not letters, 76.
+
+ Bellers, a saloon-keeper, 111
+   --inhumanly refuses credit to a presidential candidate, 112.
+
+ Biglow, Ezekiel, his letter to Hon. J. T. Buckingham, 1
+   --never heard of any one named Mundishes, 2
+   --nearly four-score years old, _ib._
+   --his aunt Keziah, a notable saying of, 3.
+
+ Biglow, Hosea, excited by composition, 2
+   --a poem by, 3, 66
+   --his opinion of war, 4
+   --wanted at home by Nancy, 7
+   --recommends a forcible enlistment of warlike editors, _ib._
+   --would not wonder, if generally agreed with, 9
+   --versifies letter of Mr. Sawin, 11
+   --a letter from, 12, 57, 77
+   --his opinion of Mr. Sawin, 12
+   --does not deny fun at Cornwallis, 14, _note_
+   --his idea of militia glory, 17, _note_
+   --a pun of, 18, _note_
+   --is uncertain in regard to people of Boston, _ib._
+   --had never heard of Mr. John P. Robinson, 27
+   --_aliquid sufflaminandus_, 28
+   --his poems attributed to a Mr. Lowell, 33
+   --is unskilled in Latin, _ib._
+   --his poetry maligned by some, 34
+   --his disinterestedness, _ib._
+   --his deep share in commonweal, _ib._
+   --his claim to the presidency, _ib._
+   --his mowing, _ib._
+   --resents being called Whig, 35
+   --opposed to tariff, _ib._
+   --obstinate, _ib._
+   --infected with peculiar notions, _ib._
+   --reports a speech, 40
+   --emulates historians of antiquity, _ib._
+   --his character sketched from a hostile point of view, 52
+   --a request of his complied with, 64
+   --appointed at a public meeting in Jaalam, 77
+   --confesses ignorance, in one minute particular, of propriety, _ib._
+   --his opinion of cocked hats, _ib._
+   --letter to, _ib._
+   --called "Dear Sir," by a general, _ib._
+   --probably receives same compliment from two hundred and nine, _ib._
+   --picks his apples, 125
+   --his crop of Baldwins conjecturally large, _ib._
+
+ Billings, Dea. Cephas, 14.
+
+ Birch, virtue of, in instilling certain of the dead languages, 100.
+
+ Bird of our country sings hosanna, 16.
+
+ Blind, to go it, 98.
+
+ Blitz pulls ribbons from his mouth, 16.
+
+ Bluenose potatoes, smell of, eagerly desired, 17.
+
+ Bobtail obtains a cardinal's hat, 25.
+
+ Bolles, Mr. Secondary, author of prize peace essay, 15
+   --presents sword to Lieutenant Colonel, _ib._
+   --a fluent orator, _ib._
+   --found to be in error, 17.
+
+ Bonaparte, N., a usurper, 83.
+
+ Boot-trees, productive, where, 100.
+
+ Boston, people of, supposed educated, 18, _note_.
+
+ Brahmins, navel-contemplating, 74.
+
+ Bread-trees, 100.
+
+ Brigadier-Generals in militia, devotion of, 38.
+
+ Brown, Mr., engages in an unequal contest, 63.
+
+ Browne, Sir T., a pious and wise sentiment of, cited and commended, 11.
+
+ Buckingham, Hon. J. T., editor of the Boston Courier, letters to, 1,
+           12, 33, 57
+   --not afraid, 13.
+
+ Buffalo, a plan hatched there, 115
+   --plaster, a prophecy in regard to, _ib._
+
+ Buncombe, in the other world supposed, 41.
+
+ Bung, the eternal, thought to be loose, 7.
+
+ Bungtown Fencibles, dinner of, 26.
+
+ Butter in Irish bogs, 100.
+
+
+ C., General, commended for parts, 29
+   --for ubiquity, _ib._
+   --for consistency, _ib._
+   --for fidelity, _ib._
+   --is in favour of war, _ib._
+   --his curious valuation of principle, _ib._
+
+ C�sar, tribute to, 66
+   --his _veni, vidi, vici_, censured for undue prolixity, 85.
+
+ Cainites, sect of, supposed still extant, 10.
+
+ Caleb, a monopoly of his denied, 15
+   --curious notions of, as to meaning of "shelter," 19
+   --his definition of Anglo-Saxon, 20
+   --charges Mexicans (not with bayonets, but) with improprieties, _ib._
+
+ Calhoun, Hon. J. C., his cow-bell curfew, light of the nineteenth
+           century to be extinguished at sound of, 55
+   --cannot let go apron-string of the Past, _ib._
+   --his unsuccessful tilt at Spirit of the Age, 56
+   --the Sir Kay of modern chivalry, _ib._
+   --his anchor made of a crooked pin, 57
+   --mentioned, 58-61.
+
+ Cambridge Platform, use discovered for, 24.
+
+ Canary Islands, 100.
+
+ Candidate, presidential, letter from, 74
+   --smells a rat, 78
+   --against a bank, 79
+   --takes a revolving position, _ib._
+   --opinion of pledges, 80
+   --is a periwig, _ib._
+   --fronts south by north, 81
+   --qualifications of, lessening, 85
+   --wooden leg (and head) useful to, 96.
+
+ Cape Cod clergymen, what, 24
+   --Sabbath-breakers, perhaps, reproved by, _ib._
+
+ Carpini, Father John de Plano, among the Tartars, 123.
+
+ Cartier, Jacques, commendable zeal of, 123.
+
+ Cass, General, 59
+   --clearness of his merit, 60
+   --limited popularity at "Bellers's," 111.
+
+ Castles, Spanish, comfortable accommodations in, 102.
+
+ Cato, letters of, so called, suspended _naso adunco_, 76.
+
+ C. D., friends of, can hear of him, 76.
+
+ Chalk egg, we are proud of incubation of, 75.
+
+ Chappelow on Job, a copy of, lost, 65.
+
+ Cherubusco, news of, its effects on English royalty, 50.
+
+ Chesterfield no letter-writer, 76.
+
+ Chief Magistrate, dancing esteemed sinful by, 24.
+
+ Children naturally speak Hebrew, 11.
+
+ China-tree, 100.
+
+ Chinese, whether they invented gunpowder before the Christian era,
+           _not_ considered, 25.
+
+ Choate hired, 113.
+
+ Christ shuffled into Apocrypha, 25
+   --conjectured to disapprove of slaughter and pillage, 30
+   --condemns a certain piece of barbarism, 63.
+
+ Christianity, profession of, plebian, whether, 10.
+
+ Christian soldiers, perhaps inconsistent, whether, 38.
+
+ Cicero, an opinion of, disputed, 84.
+
+ Cilley, Ensign, author of nefarious sentiment, 26.
+
+ _Cimex lectularius_, 18.
+
+ Cincinnatus, a stock character in modern comedy, 106.
+
+ Civilization, progress of, an _alias_, 65
+   --rides upon a powder-cart, 79.
+
+ Clergymen, their ill husbandry, 64
+   --their place in processions, 105
+   --some, cruelly banished for the soundness of their lungs, 123.
+
+ Cocked-hat, advantages of being knocked into, 77.
+
+ College of Cardinals, a strange one, 25.
+
+ Colman, Dr. Benjamin, anecdote of, 38.
+
+ Coloured folks, curious national diversion of kicking, 19.
+
+ Colquitt, a remark of, 60
+   --acquainted with some principles of aerostation, _ib._
+
+ Columbia, District of, its peculiar climatic effects, 44
+   --not certain that Martin is for abolishing it, 115.
+
+ Columbus, a Paul Pry of genius, 74.
+
+ Columby, 109.
+
+ Complete Letter-Writer, fatal gift of, 82.
+
+ Compostella, St. James of, seen, 22.
+
+ Congress, singular consequence of getting into, 43.
+
+ Congressional debates, found instructive, 53.
+
+ Constituents, useful for what, 44.
+
+ Constitution trampled on, 58
+   --to stand upon, what, 78.
+
+ Convention, what, 44.
+
+ Convention, Springfield, 44.
+
+ Coon, old, pleasure in skinning, 59.
+
+ Coppers, _caste_ in picking up of, 94.
+
+ Copres, a monk, his excellent method of arguing, 54.
+
+ Cornwallis, a, 14
+   --acknowledged entertaining, _ib._, _note_.
+
+ Cotton Mather, summoned as witness, 23.
+
+ Country lawyers, sent providentially, 31.
+
+ Country, our, its boundaries more exactly defined, 32
+   --right or wrong, nonsense about exposed, _ib._
+
+ Courier, The Boston, an unsafe print, 52.
+
+ Court, General, farmers sometimes attain seats in, 107.
+
+ Cowper, W., his letters commended, 76.
+
+ Creed, a safe kind of, 97.
+
+ Crusade, first American, 23.
+
+ Cuneiform script recommended, 85.
+
+ Curiosity distinguishes man from brutes, 74.
+
+
+ Davis, Mr., of Mississippi, a remark of his, 59.
+
+ Day and Martin, proverbially "on hand," 2.
+
+ Death, rings down curtain, 72.
+
+ Delphi, oracle of, surpassed, 51, _note_
+   --alluded to, 83.
+
+ Destiny, her account, 49.
+
+ Devil, the, unskilled in certain Indian tongues, 23.
+
+ Dey of Tripoli, 55.
+
+ Diaz, Bernal, has a vision, 22
+   --his relationship to the Scarlet Woman, _ib._
+
+ Didymus, a somewhat voluminous grammarian, 83.
+
+ Dighton rock character might be usefully employed in some emergencies, 84.
+
+ Dimitry Bruisgins, fresh supply of, 73.
+
+ Diogenes, his zeal for propagating certain variety of olive, 100.
+
+ Dioscuri, imps of the pit, 23.
+
+ District-Attorney, contemptible conduct of one, 55.
+
+ Ditchwater on brain, a too common ailing, 54.
+
+ Doctor, the, a proverbial saying of, 22.
+
+ Doughface, yeast-proof, 69.
+
+ Drayton, a martyr, 55
+   --north star, culpable for aiding, whether, 62.
+
+
+ Earth, Dame, a peep at her housekeeping, 56.
+
+ Eating words, habit of, convenient in time of famine, 49.
+
+ Eavesdroppers, 74.
+
+ Editor, his position, 64
+   --commanding pulpit of, _ib._
+   --large congregation of, _ib._
+   --name derived from what, 66
+   --fondness for mutton, _ib._
+   --a pious one, his creed, _ib._
+   --a showman, 71
+   --in danger of sudden arrest, without bail, 72.
+
+ Editors, certain ones who crow like cockerels, 7.
+
+ Egyptian darkness, phial of, use for, 84.
+
+ Eldorado, Mr. Sawin sets sail for, 100.
+
+ Elizabeth, Queen, mistake of her ambassador, 41.
+
+ Empedocles, 74.
+
+ Employment, regular, a good thing, 93.
+
+ Epaulets, perhaps no badge of saint-ship, 30.
+
+ Episcopius, his marvellous oratory, 123.
+
+ Eric, king of Sweden, his cap, 101.
+
+ Evangelists, iron ones, 24.
+
+ Eyelids, a divine shield against authors, 54.
+
+ Ezekiel, text taken from, 64.
+
+
+ Factory-girls, expected rebellion of, 60.
+
+ Family-trees, fruit of jejune, 100.
+
+ Faneuil Hall, a place where persons tap themselves for a species of
+           hydrocephalus, 54
+   --a bill of fare mendaciously advertised in, 100.
+
+ Father of country, his shoes, 108.
+
+ Female Papists, cut off in midst of idolatry, 104.
+
+ Fire, we all like to play with it, 56.
+
+ Fish, emblematic, but disregarded, where, 54.
+
+ Flam, President, untrustworthy, 45.
+
+ Fly-leaves, providential increase of, 54.
+
+ Foote, Mr., his taste for field-sports, 58.
+
+ Fourier, a squinting toward, 52.
+
+ Fourth of Julys, boiling, 42.
+
+ France, a strange dance begun in, 61.
+
+ Fuller, Dr. Thomas, a wise saying of, 28.
+
+ Funnel, Old, hurraing in, 15.
+
+
+ Gawain, Sir, his amusements, 56.
+
+ Gay, S. H., Esquire, editor of National Antislavery Standard, letter
+           to, 74.
+
+ Getting up early, 4, 20.
+
+ Ghosts, some, presumed fidgety, (but see Stilling's Pneumatology,) 75.
+
+ Giants formerly stupid, 56.
+
+ Gift of Tongues, distressing case of, 53.
+
+ Globe Theatre, cheap season-ticket to, 72.
+
+ Glory, a perquisite of officers, 94
+   --her account with B. Sawin, Esq., 99.
+
+ Goatsnose, the celebrated interview, with, 84.
+
+ Gray's letters _are_ letters, 76.
+
+ Great horn spoon, sworn by, 58.
+
+ Greeks, ancient, whether they questioned candidates, 84.
+
+ Green Man, sign of, 35.
+
+
+ Ham, sandwich, an orthodox (but peculiar) one, 62.
+
+ Hamlets, machine for making, 87.
+
+ Hammon, 51, _note_, 83.
+
+ Hannegan, Mr., something said by, 59.
+
+ Harrison, General, how preserved, 82.
+
+ Hat-trees, in full bearing, 100.
+
+ Hawkins, Sir John, stout, something he saw, 100.
+
+ Henry the Fourth, of England, a Parliament of, how named, 41.
+
+ Hercules, his second labour probably what, 124.
+
+ Herodotus, story from, 11.
+
+ Hesperides, an inference from, 100.
+
+ Holden, Mr. Shearjashub, Preceptor of Jaalam Academy, 83
+   --his knowledge of Greek limited, _ib._
+   --a heresy of his, _ib._
+   --leaves a fund to propagate it, 84.
+
+ Hollis, Ezra, goes to a Cornwallis, 14.
+
+ Hollow, why men providentially so constructed, 42.
+
+ Homer, a phrase of, cited, 65.
+
+ Horners, democratic ones, plums left for, 46.
+
+ Howell, James, Esq. story told by, 41
+   --letters of, commended, 76.
+
+ Human rights out of order on the floor of Congress, 58.
+
+ Humbug, ascription of praise to, 70
+   --generally believed in, _ib._
+
+ Husbandry, instance of bad, 28.
+
+
+ Icarius, Penelope's father, 32.
+
+ Infants, prattlings of, curious observation concerning, 11.
+
+ Information wanted (universally, but especially at page), 76.
+
+
+ Jaalam Centre, Anglo-Saxons unjustly suspected by the young ladies
+           there, 21
+   --"Independent Blunderbuss," strange conduct of editor of, 64
+   --public meeting at, 77.
+
+ Jaalam Point, light-house on charge of prospectively offered to Mr. H.
+           Biglow, 81
+   --meeting-house ornamented with imaginary clock, 102.
+
+ Jakes, Captain, 119
+   --reproved for avarice, _ib._
+
+ James the Fourth of Scots, experiment by, 11.
+
+ Jarnagin, Mr., his opinion of the completeness of Northern education, 60.
+
+ Jerome, Saint, his list of sacred writers, 76.
+
+ Job, Book of, 10
+   --Chappelow on, 65.
+
+ Johnson, Mr., communicates some intelligence, 61.
+
+ Jonah, the inevitable destiny of, 62
+   --probably studied internal economy of the cetacea, 75.
+
+ Jortin, Dr., cited 39, 51, _note_.
+
+ Judea, everything not known there, 31.
+
+ Juvenal, a saying of, 50, _note_.
+
+
+ Kay, Sir, the, of modern chivalry, who, 56.
+
+ Key, brazen one, 55.
+
+ Keziah, Aunt, profound observation of, 3.
+
+ Kinderhook, 106.
+
+ Kingdom Come, march to, easy, 89.
+
+ K�nigsmark, Count, 10.
+
+
+ Lamb, Charles, his epistolary excellence, 76.
+
+ Latimer, Bishop, episcopizes Satan, 10.
+
+ Latin tongue, curious information concerning, 33.
+
+ Launcelot, Sir, a trusser of giants formerly, perhaps would find less
+           sport therein now, 56.
+
+ Letters classed, 76
+   --their shape, _ib._
+   --of candidates, 81
+   --often fatal, 82.
+
+ Lewis Philip, a scourger of young native Americans, 50
+   --commiserated (though not deserving it,) 51, _note_.
+
+ Liberator, a newspaper, condemned by implication, 35.
+
+ Liberty unwholesome for men of certain complexions, 66.
+
+ Lignum vit�, a gift of this valuable wood proposed, 22.
+
+ Longinus recommends swearing, 13, _note_ (Fuseli did same thing).
+
+ Long sweetening recommended, 90.
+
+ Lost arts, one sorrowfully added to list of, 124.
+
+ Louis the Eleventh of France, some odd trees of his, 100.
+
+ Lowell, Mr. J. R., unaccountable silence of, 33.
+
+ Luther, Martin, his first appearance as Europa, 22.
+
+ Lyttelton, Lord, his letters, an imposition, 76.
+
+
+ Macrobii, their diplomacy, 84.
+
+ Mahomet, got nearer Sinai than some, 66.
+
+ Mahound, his filthy gobbets, 23.
+
+ Mangum, Mr., speaks to the point, 58.
+
+ Manich�an, excellently confuted, 54.
+
+ Man-trees, grew where, 100.
+
+ Mares'-nests, finders of, benevolent, 75.
+
+ Marshfield, 106, 113.
+
+ Martin, Mr. Sawin used to vote for him, 115.
+
+ Mason and Dixon's line, slaves north of, 58.
+
+ Mass, the, its duty defined, 59.
+
+ Massachusetts, on her knees, 8
+   --something mentioned in connection with, worthy the attention of
+           tailors, 44
+   --citizen of, baked, boiled, and roasted (_nefandum!_), 95.
+
+ Masses, the, used as butter by some, 46.
+
+ M. C., an invertebrate animal, 49.
+
+ Mechanics' Fair, reflections suggested at, 87.
+
+ Mentor, letters of, dreary, 76.
+
+ Mephistopheles at a nonplus, 62.
+
+ Mexican blood, its effect in raising price of cloth, 103.
+
+ Mexican polka, 24.
+
+ Mexicans charged with various breaches of etiquette, 22
+   --kind feelings beaten into them, 70.
+
+ Mexico, no glory in overcoming, 45.
+
+ Military glory spoken disrespectfully of, 17, _note_
+   --militia treated still worse, _ib._
+
+ Milk-trees, growing still, 100.
+
+ Mills for manufacturing gabble, how driven, 53.
+
+ Milton, an unconscious plagiary, 43, _note_
+   --a Latin verse of, cited, 66.
+
+ Missions, a profitable kind of, 67.
+
+ Monarch, a pagan, probably not favoured in philosophical experiments, 12.
+
+ Money-trees desirable, 100
+   --that they once existed shown to be variously probable, _ib._
+
+ Montaigne, a communicative old Gascon, 75.
+
+ Monterey, battle of, its singular chromatic effect on a species of
+           two-headed eagle, 50.
+
+ Moses held up vainly as an example, 65
+   --construed by Joe Smith, _ib._
+
+ Myths, how to interpret readily, 84.
+
+
+ Naboths, Popish ones, how distinguished, 25.
+
+ Nation, rights of, proportionate to size, 20.
+
+ National pudding, its effect on the organs of speech, a curious
+           physiological fact, 25.
+
+ Nephelim, not yet extinct, 124.
+
+ New England overpoweringly honoured, 48
+   --wants no more speakers, _ib._
+   --done brown by whom, _ib._
+   --her experience in beans beyond Cicero's, 84.
+
+ Newspaper, the, wonderful, 70
+   --a strolling theatre, 71
+   --thoughts suggested by tearing wrapper of, 72
+   --a vacant sheet, _ib._
+   --a sheet in which a vision was let down, 73
+   --wrapper to a bar of soap, _ib._
+   --a cheap impromptu platter, _ib._
+
+ New York, Letters from, commended, 76.
+
+ Next life, what, 72.
+
+ Niggers, 5
+   --area of abusing extended, 46
+   --Mr. Sawin's opinions of, 117.
+
+ Ninepence a day low for murder, 14.
+
+ No, a monosyllable, 25
+   --hard to utter, _ib._
+
+ Noah, inclosed letter in bottle, probably, 75.
+
+ Nornas, Lapland, what, 101.
+
+ North, has no business, 58
+   --bristling, crowded off roost, 81.
+
+ North Bend, geese inhumanly treated at, 82
+   --mentioned, 113.
+
+ North Star, a proposition to indict, 62.
+
+
+ Off ox, 70.
+
+ Officers, miraculous transformation in character of, 21
+   --Anglo-Saxon, come very near being anathematized, 22.
+
+ O'Phace, Increase D., Esq., speech of, 40.
+
+ Oracle of Fools, still respectfully consulted, 41.
+
+ Orion, becomes commonplace, 73.
+
+ Orrery, Lord, his letters (lord!), 76.
+
+ Ostracism, curious species of, 41.
+
+
+ Palestine, 23.
+
+ Palfrey, Hon. J. G., 41, 50 (a worthy representative of Massachusetts.)
+
+ Pantagruel recommends a popular oracle, 41.
+
+ Panurge, his interview with Goatsnose, 84.
+
+ Papists, female, slain by zealous Protestant bomb-shell, 104.
+
+ Paralipomenon, a man suspected of being, 82.
+
+ Paris, liberal principles safe as far away as, 66.
+
+ _Parliamentum Indoctorum_ sitting in permanence, 44.
+
+ Past, the, a good nurse, 55.
+
+ Patience, sister, quoted, 16.
+
+ Paynims, their throats propagandistically cut, 23.
+
+ Penelope, her wise choice, 32.
+
+ People, soft enough, 68
+   --want correct ideas, 97.
+
+ Pepin, King, 76.
+
+ Periwig, 80.
+
+ Persius, a pithy saying of, 46, _note_.
+
+ Pescara, Marquis, saying of, 10.
+
+ Peter, Saint, a letter of (_post-mortem_), 76.
+
+ Pharisees, opprobriously referred to, 66.
+
+ Philippe, Louis, in pea-jacket, 71.
+
+ Phlegyas quoted, 63.
+
+ Phrygian language, whether Adam spoke it, 11.
+
+ Pilgrims, the, 45.
+
+ Pillows, constitutional, 49.
+
+ Pinto, Mr., some letters of his commended, 76.
+
+ Pisgah, an impromptu one, 100.
+
+ Platform, party, a convenient one, 97.
+
+ Plato, supped with, 75
+   --his man, 82.
+
+ Pleiades, the, not enough esteemed, 73.
+
+ Pliny, his letters not admired, 76.
+
+ Plotinus, a story of, 55.
+
+ Plymouth Rock, Old, a Convention wrecked on, 45.
+
+ Point Tribulation, Mr. Sawin wrecked on, 100.
+
+ Poles, exile, whether crop of beans depends on, 19, _note_.
+
+ Polk, President, synonymous with our country, 30
+   --censured, 44
+   --in danger of being crushed, 46.
+
+ Polka, Mexican, 24.
+
+ Pomp, a runaway slave, his nest, 117
+   --hypocritically groans like white man, 118
+   --blind to Christian privileges, 119
+   --his society valued at fifty dollars, _ib._
+   --his treachery, 120
+   --takes Mr. Sawin prisoner, 121
+   --cruelly makes him work, _ib._
+   --puts himself illegally under his tuition, 122
+   --dismisses him with contumelious epithets, _ib._
+
+ Pontifical bull, a tamed one, 22.
+
+ Pope, his verse excellent, 11.
+
+ Pork, refractory in boiling, 22.
+
+ Portugal, Alphonso the Sixth of, a monster, 123.
+
+ Post, Boston, 33
+   --shaken visibly, 34
+   --bad guide-post, _ib._
+   --too swift, _ib._
+   --edited by a colonel, _ib._
+   --who is presumed officially in Mexico, _ib._
+   --referred to, 59.
+
+ Pot-hooks, death in, 59.
+
+ Preacher, an ornamental symbol, 65
+   --a breeder of dogmas, _ib._
+   --earnestness of, important, 123.
+
+ Present, considered as an annalist, 65
+   --not long wonderful, 73.
+
+ President, slaveholding natural to, 66
+   --must be a Southern resident, 98
+   --must own a nigger, _ib._
+
+ Principle, exposure spoils it, 43.
+
+ Principles, bad, when less harmful, 27.
+
+ Prophecy, a notable one, 51, _note_.
+
+ Proviso, bitterly spoken of, 79.
+
+ Prudence, sister, her idiosyncratic teapot, 92.
+
+ Psammeticus, an experiment of, 11.
+
+ Public opinion a blind and drunken guide, 25
+   --nudges Mr. Wilbur's elbow, 26
+   --ticklers of, 45.
+
+ Pythagoras a bean-hater, why, 84.
+
+ Pythagoreans, fish reverenced by, why, 54.
+
+
+ Quixote, Don, 57.
+
+
+ Rag, one of sacred college, 25.
+
+ Rantoul, Mr., talks loudly, 16
+   --pious reason for not enlisting, _ib._
+
+ Recruiting sergeant, Devil supposed the first, 10.
+
+ Representatives' Chamber, 54.
+
+ Rhinothism, society for promoting, 74.
+
+ Rhyme, whether natural _not_ considered, 11.
+
+ Rib, an infrangible one, 90.
+
+ Richard the First of England, his Christian fervour, 23.
+
+ Riches conjectured to have legs as well as wings, 62.
+
+ Robinson, Mr. John P., his opinions fully stated, 27-31.
+
+ Rocks, pocket full of, 91.
+
+ Rough and Ready, 111
+   --a wig, 112
+   --a kind of scratch, _ib._
+
+ Russian eagle turns Prussian blue, 50.
+
+
+ Sabbath, breach of, 27.
+
+ Sabellianism, one accused of, 82.
+
+ Saltillo, unfavourable view of, 17.
+
+ Salt-river in, Mexican, what, 17.
+
+ Samuel, Uncle, riotous, 50
+   --yet has qualities demanding reverence, 66
+   --a good provider for his family, 68
+   --an exorbitant bill of, 103.
+
+ Sansculottes, draw their wine before drinking, 61.
+
+ Santa Anna, his expensive leg, 96.
+
+ Satan, never wants attorneys, 22
+   --an expert talker by signs, _ib._
+   --a successful fisherman with little or no bait, 23
+   --cunning fetch of, 27
+   --dislikes ridicule, 34
+   --ought not to have credit of ancient oracles, 51, _note_.
+
+ Satirist, incident to certain dangers, 28.
+
+ Savages, Canadian, chance of redemption offered to, 123.
+
+ Sawin, B., Esquire, his letter not written in verse, 11
+   --a native of Jaalam, 12
+   --not regular attendant on Rev. Mr. Wilbur's preaching, _ib._
+   --a fool, _ib._
+   --his statements trustworthy, _ib._
+   --his ornithological tastes, _ib._
+   --letter from, 13, 86, 106
+   --his curious discovery in regard to bayonets, 15
+   --displays proper family pride, _ib._
+   --modestly confesses himself less wise than the Queen of Sheba, 19
+   --the old Adam in, peeps out, 21
+   --a _miles emeritus_, 86
+   --is made text for a sermon, _ib._
+   --loses a leg, 88
+   --an eye, 89
+   --left hand, _ib._
+   --four fingers of right hand, _ib._
+   --has six or more ribs broken, _ib._
+   --a rib of his infrangible, 90
+   --allows a certain amount of preterite greenness in himself, 90, 91
+   --his share of spoil limited, _ib._
+   --his opinion of Mexican climate, 92
+   --acquires property of a certain sort, 93
+   --his experience of glory, 93, 94
+   --stands sentry, and puns thereupon, 95
+   --undergoes martyrdom in some of its most painful forms, _ib._
+   --enters the candidating business, 96
+   --modestly states the (avail) abilities which qualify him for high
+           political station, 96, 99
+   --has no principles, 96
+   --a peaceman, _ib._
+   --unpledged, 97
+   --has no objections to owning _peculiar_ property, but would not like
+           to monopolize the truth, 98
+   --his account with glory, 99
+   --a selfish motive hinted in, 100
+   --sails for Eldorado, _ib._
+   --shipwrecked on a metaphorical promontory, _ib._
+   --parallel between, and Rev. Mr. Wilbur (not Plutarchian), 102
+   --conjectured to have bathed in river Selemnus, 106
+   --loves plough wisely, but not too well, _ib._
+   --a foreign mission probably expected by, 107
+   --unanimously nominated for presidency, 108
+   --his country's father-in-law, 109
+   --nobly emulates Cincinnatus, 110
+   --is not a crooked stick, _ib._
+   --advises his adherents, _ib._
+   --views of, on present state of politics, 110-117
+   --popular enthusiasm for, at Bellers's, and its disagreeable
+           consequences, 111
+   --inhuman treatment of, by Bellers, 112
+   --his opinion of the two parties, 113
+   --agrees with Mr. Webster, _ib._
+   --his antislavery zeal, 115
+   --his proper self-respect, _ib._
+   --his unaffected piety, _ib._
+   --his not intemperate temperance, 117
+   --a thrilling adventure of, 117-122
+   --his prudence and economy, 117
+   --bound to Captain Jakes, but regains his freedom, 119
+   --is taken prisoner, 121-122
+   --ignominiously treated, 121-122
+   --his consequent resolution, 122.
+
+ Sayres, a martyr, 55.
+
+ Scaliger, saying of, 28.
+
+ _Scarab�us pilularius_, 18.
+
+ Scott, General, his claims to the presidency, 34, 37.
+
+ Scythians, their diplomacy commended, 84.
+
+ Seamen, coloured, sold, 8.
+
+ Selemnus, a sort of Lethean river, 106.
+
+ Senate, debate in, made readable, 55.
+
+ Seneca, saying of, 27
+   --another, 51
+   --overrated by a saint (but see Lord Bolingbroke's opinion of, in a
+           letter to Dean Swift), 76
+   --his letters not commended, _ib._
+   --a son of Rev. Mr. Wilbur, 102.
+
+ Serbonian bog of literature, 54.
+
+ Sextons, demand for, 61
+   --heroic official devotion of one, 120.
+
+ Shaking fever, considered as an employer, 93.
+
+ Shakspeare, a good reporter, 40.
+
+ Sham, President, honest, 45.
+
+ Sheba, Queen of, 19.
+
+ Sheep, none of Rev. Mr. Wilbur's turned wolves, 12.
+
+ Shem, Scriptural curse of, 122.
+
+ Show, natural to love it, 17, _note_.
+
+ Silver spoon born in Democracy's mouth what, 43.
+
+ Sinai suffers outrages, 66.
+
+ Sin, wilderness of, modern, what, 66.
+
+ Skin, hole in, strange taste of some for, 94.
+
+ Slaughter, whether God strengthen us for, 24.
+
+ Slaughterers and soldiers compared, 104.
+
+ Slaughtering nowadays _is_ slaughtering, 104.
+
+ Slavery, of no colour, 6
+   --cornerstone of liberty, 52
+   --also keystone, 58
+   --last crumb of Eden, 61
+   --a Jonah, 62
+   --an institution, 80
+   --a private State concern, 118.
+
+ Smith, Joe, used as a translation, 65.
+
+ Smith, John, an interesting character, 74.
+
+ Smith, Mr., fears entertained for, 63
+   --dined with, 75.
+
+ Smith, N. B., his magnanimity, 75.
+
+ Soandso, Mr., the great, defines his position, 75.
+
+ Sol, the fisherman, 18
+   --soundness of respiratory organs hypothetically attributed to, _ib._
+
+ Solon, a saying of, 25.
+
+ South Carolina, futile attempt to anchor, 57.
+
+ Spanish, to walk, what, 20.
+
+ Speech-making, an abuse of gift of speech, 53.
+
+ Star, north, subject to indictment, whether, 62.
+
+ Store, cheap cash, a wicked fraud, 102.
+
+ Strong, Governor Caleb, a patriot, 32.
+
+ Swearing, commended as a figure of speech, 13, _note_.
+
+ Swift, Dean, threadbare saying of, 34.
+
+
+ Tag, elevated to the Cardinalate, 25.
+
+ Taxes, direct, advantages of, 103.
+
+ Taylor zeal, its origin, 111
+   --General, greased by Mr. Choate, 113.
+
+ Thanks, get lodged, 93.
+
+ Thirty-nine articles might be made serviceable, 24.
+
+ Thor, a foolish attempt of, 57.
+
+ Thumb, General Thomas, a valuable member of society, 49.
+
+ Thunder, supposed in easy circumstances, 90.
+
+ Thynne, Mr., murdered, 10.
+
+ Time, an innocent personage to swear by, 13, _note_
+   --a scene-shifter, 72.
+
+ Toms, Peeping, 74.
+
+ Trees, various kinds of extraordinary ones, 100.
+
+ Trowbridge, William, mariner, adventure of, 24.
+
+ Truth and falsehood start from same point, 27
+   --truth invulnerable to satire, _ib._
+   --compared to a river, 40
+   --of fiction sometimes truer than fact, _ib._
+   --told plainly, _passim_.
+
+ Tuileries, exciting scene at, 51.
+
+ Tully, a saying of, 43, _note_.
+
+ Tweedledee, gospel according to, 66.
+
+ Tweedledum, great principles of, 66.
+
+
+ Ulysses, husband of Penelope, 32
+   --borrows money, 101. (For full particulars of, see Homer and Dante.)
+
+ University, triennial catalogue of, 36.
+
+
+ Van Buren fails of gaining Mr. Sawin's confidence, 116
+   --his son John reproved, _ib._
+
+ Van, Old, plan to set up, 115.
+
+ Venetians, invented something once, 101.
+
+ Vices, cardinal, sacred conclave of, 24.
+
+ Victoria, Queen, her natural terror, 50.
+
+ Vratz, Captain, a Pomeranian, singular views of, 10.
+
+
+ Walpole, Horace, classed, 75
+   --his letters praised, 76.
+
+ Waltham Plain, Cornwallis at, 14.
+
+ Walton, punctilious in his intercourse with fishes, 25.
+
+ War, abstract, horrid, 79
+   --its hoppers, grist of, what, 94.
+
+ Warton, Thomas, a story of, 38.
+
+ Washington, charge brought against, 109.
+
+ Washington, city of, climatic influence of, on coats, 44
+   --mentioned, 55
+   --grand jury of, 62.
+
+ Washingtons, two hatched at a time by improved machine, 109.
+
+ Wate, Taunton, proverbially weak, 117.
+
+ Water-trees, 100.
+
+ Webster, some sentiments of, commended by Mr. Sawin, 113.
+
+ Westcott, Mr., his horror, 61.
+
+ Whig party, has a large throat, 35
+   --but query as to swallowing spurs, 114.
+
+ White-house, 81.
+
+ Wife-trees, 100.
+
+ Wilbur, Rev. Homer, A. M., consulted, 2
+   --his instructions to his flock, 12
+   --a proposition of his for Protestant bombshells, 24
+   --his elbow nudged, 26
+   --his notions of satire, 27
+   --some opinions of his quoted with apparent approval by Mr. Biglow, 31
+   --geographical speculations of, 32
+   --a justice of the peace, _ib._
+   --a letter of, 33
+   --a Latin pun of, _ib._
+   --runs against a post without injury, 34
+   --does not seek notoriety (whatever some malignants may affirm), 36
+   --fits youths for college, _ib._
+   --a chaplain during late war with England, 38
+   --a shrewd observation of, 40
+   --some curious speculations of, 52, 54
+   --his martello-tower, 53
+   --forgets he is not in pulpit, 62, 86
+   --extracts from sermon of, 64, 70
+   --interested in John Smith, 74
+   --his views concerning present state of letters, 74, 77
+   --a stratagem of, 82
+   --ventures two hundred and fourth interpretation of Beast in
+           Apocalypse, 83
+   --christens Hon. B. Sawin, then an infant, 86
+   --an addition to our _sylva_ proposed by, 100
+   --curious and instructive adventure of, 101, 102
+   --his account with an unnatural uncle, 103
+   --his uncomfortable imagination, 104
+   --speculations concerning Cincinnatus, 106
+   --confesses digressive tendency of mind, 123
+   --goes to work on sermon (not without fear that his readers will dub
+           him with a reproachful epithet like that with which Isaac
+           Allerton, a Mayflower man, revenges himself on a delinquent
+           debtor of his, calling him in his will, and thus holding him
+           up to posterity, as "John Peterson, THE BORE"), 125.
+
+ Wilbur, Mrs., an invariable rule of, 37
+   --her profile, _ib._
+
+ Wildbore, a vernacular one, how to escape, 54.
+
+ Wind, the, a good Samaritan, 86.
+
+ Wooden leg, remarkable for sobriety, 88
+   --never eats pudding, 90.
+
+ Wright, Colonel, providentially rescued, 18.
+
+ Wrong, abstract, safe to oppose, 46.
+
+
+ Zack, Old, 110.
+
+
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The Biglow Papers, by James Russell Lowell
+
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+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Biglow Papers, by James Russell Lowell
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Biglow Papers
+
+Author: James Russell Lowell
+
+Editor: Thomas Hughes
+
+Release Date: September 20, 2007 [EBook #22680]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BIGLOW PAPERS ***
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+
+
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+Produced by Susan Skinner, Stephen Blundell and the Online
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+
+
+
+
+
+
+<h1><small><small>THE</small></small><br /><br />
+<big>BIGLOW PAPERS.</big></h1>
+
+
+<p class="head1"><small>BY</small></p>
+<h2>JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="head1"><big>Newly Edited,</big><br /><br />
+WITH A PREFACE<br /><br />
+<small>BY THE</small><br /><br />
+<big>AUTHOR OF "<i>TOM BROWN'S SCHOOL-DAYS</i>."</big></p>
+
+
+<p class="head1"><small>THIRD ENGLISH EDITION.</small></p>
+
+
+<p class="head2">Reprinted, with the Author's Sanction, from the<br />
+Last American Edition.</p>
+
+
+<p class="head3">LONDON:<br />
+TR&Uuml;BNER &amp; CO. 60, PATERNOSTER ROW.<br />
+1861.</p>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<div class="trans1"><p class="trnhd">Transcriber's Note</p>
+
+<p>Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note. Dialect spellings, contractions and discrepancies have been retained.</p>
+
+<p>All Greek words have mouse-hover transliterations, <span title="daimoni&ocirc;s">&#948;&#945;&#953;&#956;&#959;&#957;&#8055;&#969;&#962;</span>, and appear as originally printed.</p>
+
+</div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_v" id="Page_v">[Pg v]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="PUBLISHERS_PREFACE" id="PUBLISHERS_PREFACE"></a>PUBLISHERS' PREFACE.</h2>
+
+
+<p>In order to avoid any misconception, the Publishers
+think it advisable to announce that the present
+Edition of the "Biglow Papers" is issued with the
+express sanction of the Author, granted by letter,
+from which the following is an extract:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+<p class="date1">"<span class="smcap">Cambridge, Massachusetts</span>,<br />
+<i>14th September, 1859</i>.</p>
+
+<p>"I think it would be well for you to announce that you are
+to publish an Authorized Edition of the '<span class="smcap">Biglow Papers</span>;'
+for I have just received a letter from Mr. &mdash;&mdash;, who tells me
+that a Mr. &mdash;&mdash; was thinking of an edition, and wished him
+to edit it. Any such undertaking will be entirely against my
+will, and I take it for granted that Mr. &mdash;&mdash; only formed the
+plan in ignorance of your intention.</p>
+
+<p class="sign1">"With many thanks, very truly yours,<br />
+"<span class="smcap">J. R. Lowell</span>."</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vii" id="Page_vii">[Pg vii]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="ENGLISH_EDITORS_PREFACE" id="ENGLISH_EDITORS_PREFACE"></a>ENGLISH EDITOR'S PREFACE.</h2>
+
+
+<p>I can safely say that few things in my life have
+pleased me more than the request of Messrs. Tr&uuml;bner,
+backed by the expressed wish of the author, that I
+would see the first English edition of the "Biglow
+Papers" through the press. I fell in with the Papers
+about ten years ago, soon after their publication; and
+the impression they then made on me has been deepening
+and becoming more lively ever since. In fact, I
+do not think that, even in his own New England, Mr.
+Lowell can have a more constant or more grateful
+reader, though I cannot say that I go much beyond
+most of my own intimate friends over here in my love
+for his works. I may remark, in passing, that the
+impossibility of keeping a copy of the "Biglow Papers"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_viii" id="Page_viii">[Pg viii]</a></span>
+for more than a few weeks (of which many of us have
+had repeated and sorrowful proof<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a>) shows how much
+an English Edition is needed.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps, strictly speaking, I should say a reprint,
+and not an edition. In fact, I am not clear (in spite
+of the wishes of author and publishers) that I have
+any right to call myself editor, for the book is as
+thoroughly edited already as a book need be. What
+between dear old Parson Wilbur&mdash;with his little
+vanities and pedantries, his "infinite faculty of
+sermonizing," his simplicity and humour, and his deep
+and righteous views of life, and power of hard hitting
+when he has anything to say which needs driving
+home&mdash;and Father Ezekiel, "the brown parchment-hided
+old man of the geoponic or bucolic species,"
+"76 year old cum next tater diggin, and thair aint
+nowheres a kitting" (we readily believe) "spryer 'n
+he be;" and that judicious and lazy sub-editor, "Columbus<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_ix" id="Page_ix">[Pg ix]</a></span>
+Nye, pastor of a church in Bungtown Corner,"
+whose acquaintance we make so thoroughly in the ten
+lines which he contributes&mdash;whatever of setting or
+framing was needed, or indeed possible, for the nine
+gems in verse of Mr. Hosea Biglow, has been so well
+done already in America by the hand best fitted for
+the task, that he must be a bold man who would
+meddle with the book now in the editing way. Even
+the humble satisfaction of adding a glossary and index
+has been denied to me, as there are already very good
+ones. I have merely added some half-dozen words to
+the glossary, at which I thought that English readers
+might perhaps stumble. When the proposal was first
+made to me, indeed, I thought of trying my hand at a
+sketch of American politics of thirteen years ago, the
+date of the Mexican war and of the first appearance of
+the "Biglow Papers." But I soon found out, first,
+that I was not, and had no ready means of making
+myself, competent for such a task; secondly, that the
+book did not need it. The very slight knowledge which
+every educated Englishman has of Transatlantic politics
+will be quite enough to make him enjoy the racy<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_x" id="Page_x">[Pg x]</a></span>
+smack of the American soil, which is one of their
+great charms; and, as to the particular characters,
+they are most truly citizens of the world as well as
+Americans. If an Englishman cannot find 'Bird-o'-freedom
+Sawins,' 'John P. Robinson's,' 'pious editors,' and
+candidates "facin' south-by-north" at home&mdash;ay, and
+if he is not conscious of his own individual propensity
+to the meannesses and duplicities of such, which come
+under the lash of Hosea&mdash;he knows little of the land
+we live in, or of his own heart, and is not worthy to
+read the "Biglow Papers."</p>
+
+<p>Instead, therefore, of any attempt of my own, I will
+give Mr. Lowell's own account of how and why he
+came to write this book. "All I can say is," he writes,
+"the book was <i>thar</i>. How it came is more than I can
+tell. I cannot, like the great G&ouml;the, deliberately
+imagine what would have been a proper 'Entstehungsweise'
+for my book, and then assume it as
+fact. I only know that I believed our war with
+Mexico (though we had as just ground for it as a
+strong nation ever had against a weak one) to be
+essentially a war of false pretences, and that it would<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xi" id="Page_xi">[Pg xi]</a></span>
+result in widening the boundaries, and so prolonging
+the life of slavery. Believing that it is the manifest
+destiny of the English race to occupy this whole continent,
+and to display there that practical understanding
+in matters of government and colonization
+which no other race has given such proofs of possessing
+since the Romans, I hated to see a noble hope
+evaporated into a lying phrase to sweeten the foul
+breath of demagogues. Leaving the sin of it to God,
+I believed, and still believe, that slavery is the
+Achilles-heel of our own polity, that it is a temporary
+and false supremacy of the white races, sure to
+destroy that supremacy at last, because an enslaved
+people always prove themselves of more enduring
+fibre than their enslavers, as not suffering from the
+social vices sure to be engendered by oppression in
+the governing class. Against these and many other
+things I thought all honest men should protest. I
+was born and bred in the country, and the dialect
+was homely to me. I tried my first Biglow paper in
+a newspaper, and found that it had a great run. So
+I wrote the others from time to time during the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xii" id="Page_xii">[Pg xii]</a></span>
+year which followed, always very rapidly, and sometimes
+(as with 'What Mr. Robinson thinks') at one
+sitting. When I came to collect them and publish
+them in a volume, I conceived my parson-editor, with
+his pedantry and verbosity, his amiable vanity and
+superiority to the verses he was editing, as a fitting
+artistic background and foil. He gave me the
+chance, too, of glancing obliquely at many things
+which were beyond the horizon of my other characters."</p>
+
+<p>There are two American books, elder brethren of
+"The Biglow Papers," which it would be unjust in
+an Englishman not to mention while introducing
+their big younger brother to his own countrymen,&mdash;I
+mean, of course, "Major Downing's Letters," and
+"Sam Slick;" both of which are full of rare humour,
+and treat of the most exciting political questions of
+their day in a method and from points of view of
+which we are often reminded while reading the
+"Biglow Papers." In fact, Mr. Lowell borrows his
+name from the Major's Letters;&mdash;"Zekel Bigelow,
+Broker and Banker of Wall Street, New York," is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xiii" id="Page_xiii">[Pg xiii]</a></span>
+the friend who corrects the spelling, and certifies to
+the genuineness, of the honest Major's effusions,<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a> and
+is one of the raciest characters in the book. No one,
+I am sure, would be so ready as Mr. Lowell to acknowledge
+whatever obligations he may have to other
+men, and no one can do it more safely. For though
+he may owe a name or an idea to others, he seems
+to me to stand quite alone amongst Americans, and
+to be the only one who is beyond question entitled
+to take his place in the first rank, by the side of
+the great political satirists of ancient and modern
+Europe.</p>
+
+<p>Greece had her Aristophanes; Rome her Juvenal;
+Spain has had her Cervantes; France her Rabelais, her
+Moli&egrave;re, her Voltaire; Germany her Jean Paul, her
+Heine; England her Swift, her Thackeray; and America
+has her Lowell. By the side of all those great masters
+of satire, though kept somewhat in the rear by provincialism
+of style and subject, the author of the
+"Biglow Papers" holds his own place distinct from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xiv" id="Page_xiv">[Pg xiv]</a></span>
+each and all. The man who reads the book for the
+first time, and is capable of understanding it, has
+received a new sensation. In Lowell the American
+mind has for the first time flowered out into thoroughly
+original genius.</p>
+
+<p>There is an airy grace about the best pieces of
+Washington Irving, which has no parallel amongst
+English writers, however closely modelled may be his
+style upon that of the Addisonian age. There is
+much original power, which will perhaps be better
+appreciated at a future day, about Fenimore Cooper's
+delineations of the physical and spiritual border-land,
+between white and red, between civilization and
+savagery. There is dramatic power of a high order
+about Mr. Hawthorne, though mixed with a certain
+morbidness and bad taste, which debar him from ever
+attaining to the first rank. There is an originality of
+position about Mr. Emerson, in his resolute setting
+up of King Self against King Mob, which, coupled
+with a singular metallic glitter of style, and plenty
+of shrewd New England mother-wit, have made up
+together one of the best counterfeits of genius that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xv" id="Page_xv">[Pg xv]</a></span>
+has been seen for many a day; so good, indeed,
+that most men are taken by it for the first quarter
+of an hour at the least. But for real unmistakable
+genius,&mdash;for that glorious fulness of power which
+knocks a man down at a blow for sheer admiration,
+and then makes him rush into the arms of the
+knocker-down, and swear eternal friendship with him
+for sheer delight; the "Biglow Papers" stand alone.</p>
+
+<p>If I sought to describe their characteristics, I should
+say, the most exuberant and extravagant humour,
+coupled with strong, noble, Christian purpose,&mdash;a
+thorough scorn for all that is false and base, all the
+more withering because of the thorough geniality of
+the writer. Perhaps Jean Paul is of all the satirists
+I have named the one who at bottom presents most
+affinity with Lowell, but the differences are marked.
+The intellectual sphere of the German is vaster, but
+though with certain aims before him, he rather floats
+and tumbles about like a porpoise at play than follows
+any direct perceptible course. With Lowell, on the
+contrary, every word tells, every laugh is a blow; as
+if the god Momus had turned out as Mars, and were<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xvi" id="Page_xvi">[Pg xvi]</a></span>
+hard at work fighting every inch of him, grinning his
+broadest all the while.</p>
+
+<p>Will some English readers be shocked by this combination
+of broad and keen humour with high Christian
+purpose&mdash;the association of humour and Christianity?
+I hope not. At any rate, I would remind any such
+of Luther, and of our own Latimer and Rowland Hill;
+are they prepared to condemn them and many more
+like them? Nay (though it is a question which can
+only be hinted at here), does not the Bible itself sanction
+the combination by its own example? Is there
+not humour mixed with the tremendous sarcasm of
+the old prophets&mdash;dread humour no doubt, but humour
+unmistakably&mdash;wherever they speak of the helplessness
+of idols, as in the forty-fourth and forty-sixth chapters
+of Isaiah, and in Elijah's mockery of the priests of
+Baal:&mdash;"Cry aloud, for he is a God; either he is
+talking, or he is pursuing, or he is on a journey, or
+peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awakened." Is
+not the book of Proverbs full of grave, dry, pungent
+humour? Consider only the following passage out of
+many of the same spirit: "As the door turneth upon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xvii" id="Page_xvii">[Pg xvii]</a></span>
+his hinges, so doth the slothful upon his bed. The
+slothful hideth his hand in his bosom, it grieveth
+him to bring it again to his mouth. The sluggard
+is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can
+render a reason. He that passeth by and meddleth
+with strife belonging not to him, is like one that
+taketh a dog by the ears."&mdash;Prov. xxvi. 14-17.</p>
+
+<p>Or if it be objected that these things belong to an
+earlier covenant, that laughter and jesting are "not
+convenient" under the Gospel of Him who came not
+to destroy the law but to fulfil it, there is, perhaps, an
+answer to this also.</p>
+
+<p>For a specimen of subdued humour in narrative,
+adhering in the most literal manner to facts, and yet
+contriving to bring them out by that graphic literalness
+under their most ludicrous aspect, what can
+equal St. Luke's description of the riot at Ephesus?
+The picture of the narrow trade selfishness of Demetrius&mdash;of
+polytheism reduced into a matter of business&mdash;of
+the inanity of a mob tumult in an enslaved
+country&mdash;of the mixed coaxing and bullying of its
+officials, was surely never brought out with a more<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xviii" id="Page_xviii">[Pg xviii]</a></span>
+latter vice, indeed, includes both the others, or rather
+uses them as its instruments. Thus, the "pious
+Editor" proclaims, as his creed,&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe in Freedom's cause<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Ez fur away ez Paris is;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I love to see her stick her claws<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In them infarnal Pharisees;<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">It's wal enough agin a king<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To dror resolves and triggers,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But libbaty's a kind o' thing<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Thet don't agree with niggers.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>No doubt they go further than this. I am quite
+aware that Mr. Lowell will be claimed as a champion
+by the peace party in this country; and certainly no
+keener things have been said against war in general
+than are to be found in this book.</p>
+
+<p>With our own peace-at-any-price party, no one has
+less sympathy than I; and this leads me to urge on
+all English readers to bear in mind, that the "Biglow
+Papers" were written for a New England audience, by
+a New Englander, and must be judged from a New
+England point of view. The citizen of a huge young
+mammoth country, divided by a whole ocean from the
+nearest enemy that it could fear, assailable only on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xix" id="Page_xix">[Pg xix]</a></span>
+vivid sense of the absurdity of the whole. "And
+Gallio cared for none of these things," is another
+touch of quiet humour, which at once brings out
+the ludicrous aspect of the punishment of the Jewish
+agitators by means of the very tumults which they
+raised.</p>
+
+<p>I take it, therefore, that the exhibition of humour,
+in the pursuit, and as an aid for the attainment of a
+noble Christian purpose, is a means of action not only
+sanctioned by the very constitution of our natures (in
+which God has implanted so deeply the sense of the
+ludicrous, surely not that we might root it out) but,
+by the very example of Holy Writ. The humour exhibited
+may be different in degree and in quality; the
+skies of Syria are not those of Germany, or of Spain,
+of England, whether old or new. But the gift in
+itself is a pure and precious one, if lawfully and rightfully
+used.</p>
+
+<p>Military braggadocio, political and literary humbug,
+and slave-holding, are the three great butts at which
+Hosea Biglow and Parson Wilbur shoot, at point-blank
+range, and with shafts drawn well to the ear. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xx" id="Page_xx">[Pg xx]</a></span>
+fringe of its seaboard (itself consisting chiefly of unapproachable
+swamp or barren sand wastes), surrounded
+by weak neighbours or thin wandering hordes, only too
+easy to bully, to subdue, to eat up; from which bands
+of pirates, under the name of liberators, swarm forth
+year after year, almost unchecked, to neighbouring
+lands, and to which if defeated they only return to be
+caressed and applauded by their congeners; where
+the getting up of war-fevers forms part of the stock in
+trade of too many of the leading politicians; where in
+particular the grasping at new territories for slave
+labour, by means however foul, has become the special
+and avowed policy of the slavery party; the citizen of
+such a country has a right to tell his countrymen
+that&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">'T'aint your eppyletts an' feathers<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Make the thing a grain more right;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'T'aint afollerin' your bell-wethers<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Will excuse ye in His sight;<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">'Ef you take a sword an' dror it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' go stick a feller thru,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'Guv'ment aint to answer for it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">God 'll send the bill to you.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>And the bravest officer in Her Majesty's service will
+laugh as heartily as you will, I take it, my dear reader,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxi" id="Page_xxi">[Pg xxi]</a></span>
+if you have never heard it before, over a picture and a
+contrast such as the following:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Parson Wilbur sez, <i>he</i> never heerd in his life<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Thet th' Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' marched round in front of a drum and a fife<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To git, some on 'em office, an some on em votes,<br /></span>
+<span class="i8">But John P<br /></span>
+<span class="i8">Robinson he<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Sez they didnt know everythin' down in Juddee.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>But England is a small and wealthy country, whose
+best defence against a neighbour, always likely to become
+a foe, consists in a mere ocean canal; where the
+question, I will not say of war, but of readiness for war,
+is one of life or death&mdash;in which the temptation, always
+so strong, to subordinate national honour to what is
+supposed to be policy, is in our day for most statesmen
+almost irresistible, because political influence is so
+evenly balanced, that a peace party of perhaps twenty
+votes has often the destinies of a ministry in its hands.
+Had Mr. Lowell been an Englishman, no one who
+knows his writings can believe for a moment that he
+would have swelled the cry or strengthened the hands
+of the vain and mischievous clique, who amongst us<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxii" id="Page_xxii">[Pg xxii]</a></span>
+have of late years raised the cry of peace when there is
+no peace.</p>
+
+<p>The same caution will apply to our marked peculiarity
+of style in the book, which may offend at first
+many persons otherwise most capable of entering into
+its spirit. I mean the constant, and so to speak, pervading
+use of Scripture language and incidents, not
+only side by side with the most grotesque effusions of
+humour, but as one main element of the ludicrous
+effects produced. This undoubtedly would be as really
+offensive as it would be untrue, from any other point
+of view perhaps than that of a New Englander bred in
+the country. The rural population of New England is
+still, happily for itself, tinctured in all its language,
+habits, modes of feeling and thought, by a strict Scriptural
+training&mdash;"Out of the fulness of the heart the
+mouth speaketh." Look below the surface and you
+will see that there is no irreverence whatever beneath
+Hosea Biglow's daring use of Scripture; only that "perfect
+love which casteth out fear;" that the very purpose
+of the whole book is to set up Christ's Gospel as <i>the</i>
+standard by which alone all men are to be judged in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxiii" id="Page_xxiii">[Pg xxiii]</a></span>
+all their acts. We may disagree from him in the conclusions
+which he draws from Scripture; of his earnest
+sincerity in enforcing those conclusions we cannot
+doubt.</p>
+
+<p>It is satisfactory, indeed, to think that Mr. Lowell's
+shafts have already, in a great measure, ceased to be
+required, or would have to be aimed now at other
+bull's eyes. The servility of the Northern States to the
+South, which twelve years ago so raised his indignation,
+has well nigh ceased to be. The vital importance of
+the slavery question is now thoroughly recognized by
+the great republican party, which I trust is year by
+year advancing towards an assured victory.</p>
+
+<p>For that victory Mr. Lowell has done knight's-service
+by his other works, as well as by the
+"Biglow Papers." I need not do more than refer
+to these, however, as they have been published in
+a cheap form over here, and I believe have circulated
+largely. In his other poems he is by no means so
+equal as in the "Biglow Papers;" but I cannot
+help thinking that (leaving out of sight altogether
+his satirical works) fifty years hence he will be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxiv" id="Page_xxiv">[Pg xxiv]</a></span>
+recognized as the greatest American poet of our day,
+notwithstanding the contemporary judgment which
+has in England, and I believe in America, assigned
+that proud place to his friend and predecessor at
+Harvard College, H. W. Longfellow. To any reader
+who has not met with Lowell's Poems, and who
+may be induced to read them after a perusal of
+the present volume, I should recommend "The
+Vision of Sir Launfal," "A Parable," "Stanzas on
+Freedom," "The Present Crisis," and "Hunger and
+Cold," as specially fit to be read in connexion with
+the "Biglow Papers." It is only by looking at all
+sides of a man of this mould that you can get a
+notion of his size and power. Readers, therefore,
+should search out for themselves the exquisite little
+gems of a lighter kind, which lie about in the other
+poems comprised in the volume. I am only indicating
+those which, as it seems to me, when taken
+with the "Biglow Papers," give the best idea of
+the man, and what his purpose in life has been,
+and is.</p>
+
+<p>I will not think so badly of my countrymen as to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxv" id="Page_xxv">[Pg xxv]</a></span>
+suppose for a moment that "The Biglow Papers" will
+not become the intimate friends of all good fellows in
+England; and when we have really made friends with
+a book, we like to know something about our friend's
+father; so I shall add the little I know of the history
+of James Russell Lowell.</p>
+
+<p>He was born in 1819, at Cambridge, Massachusetts,
+so that he is some years younger than our own laureate,
+and we may hope to get out of him many another
+noble work, though we shall get no more "Biglow
+Papers"&mdash;at least I fear not; for the sort of inspiration
+which finds voice in this way comes, I take it, only
+once in a man's life. And moreover, this is his own
+conviction. In a letter which I received from him as
+to the present publication, he writes: "Friendly people
+say to me sometimes, 'Write us more "Biglow Papers;"'
+and I have even been simple enough to try, only to
+find that I could not. This has helped to persuade me
+that the book was a genuine growth, and not a manufacture,
+and that therefore I had an honest right to be
+pleased without blushing, if people liked it." He was
+educated at Harvard College, Cambridge; and, in fact,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxvi" id="Page_xxvi">[Pg xxvi]</a></span>
+has never lived away from his native place. He read
+law, but never practised; and in 1855 was chosen to
+succeed Longfellow as Professor of Modern Literature
+in Harvard College. He has visited Europe twice;
+and I am sure that every one who knows his works
+must join with me in the hearty wish that he may
+come among us again as soon as possible.</p>
+
+
+<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Should this meet the eye of any persons who may have forgotten to
+return American copies of the "Biglow Papers" to their respective owners,
+they are requested to forward them to the publishers. The strictest
+secrecy will be preserved, and an acknowledgment given in <i>The Times</i> if
+required.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> See the English Edition of "Letters of Major Downing," published
+by John Murray in 1835, pp. 22, 23; and Letters x. xi. xii. and xv.</p></div>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxvii" id="Page_xxvii">[Pg xxvii]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS.</h2>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+
+<table class="tabc" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="">
+<tr><td class="ct2">PUBLISHER'S PREFACE</td><td class="ct3">PAGE<br /><a href="#Page_v">v</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="ct2">EDITOR'S PREFACE</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_vii">vii</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="ct2">NOTICES OF AN INDEPENDENT PRESS</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_xxix">xxix</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. I.</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="ct2">A LETTER FROM MR. EZEKIEL BIGLOW OF JAALAM TO THE
+HON. JOSEPH T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON
+COURIER, INCLOSING A POEM OF HIS SON, MR. HOSEA
+BIGLOW</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. II.</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="ct2">A LETTER FROM MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE HON.
+J. T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER,
+COVERING A LETTER FROM MR. B. SAWIN, PRIVATE IN
+THE MASSACHUSETTS REGIMENT</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_11">11</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. III.</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="ct2">WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_27">27</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. IV.</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="ct2">REMARKS OF INCREASE D. O'PHACE, ESQUIRE, AT AN
+EX-TRUMPERY CAUCUS IN STATE STREET, REPORTED BY
+MR. H. BIGLOW</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_40">40</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. V.</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="ct2">THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT. SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_55">55</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. VI.</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="ct2">THE PIOUS EDITOR'S CREED</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_64">64</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. VII.</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="ct2">A LETTER FROM A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN
+ANSWER TO SUTTIN QUESTIONS PROPOSED BY MR. HOSEA
+BIGLOW, INCLOSED IN A NOTE FROM MR. BIGLOW TO S.
+H. GAY, ESQ., EDITOR OF THE NATIONAL ANTISLAVERY
+STANDARD</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_74">74</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. VIII.</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="ct2">A SECOND LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_86">86</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td colspan="2" class="ct1">No. IX.</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="ct2">A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_106">106</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="ct2">GLOSSARY</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_127">127</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="ct2">INDEX</td><td class="ct3"><a href="#Page_131">131</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxix" id="Page_xxix">[Pg xxix]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="NOTICES_OF_AN_INDEPENDENT_PRESS" id="NOTICES_OF_AN_INDEPENDENT_PRESS"></a>NOTICES OF AN INDEPENDENT PRESS.</h2>
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[I have observed, reader, (bene- or male-volent, as it may
+happen,) that it is customary to append to the second editions
+of books, and to the second works of authors, short sentences
+commendatory of the first, under the title of <i>Notices of the
+Press</i>. These, I have been given to understand, are procurable
+at certain established rates, payment being made either in
+money or advertising patronage by the publisher, or by an
+adequate outlay of servility on the part of the author. Considering
+these things with myself, and also that such notices
+are neither intended, nor generally believed, to convey any real
+opinions, being a purely ceremonial accompaniment of literature,
+and resembling certificates to the virtues of various morbiferal
+panaceas, I conceived that it would be not only more
+economical to prepare a sufficient number of such myself, but
+also more immediately subservient to the end in view, to prefix
+them to this our primary edition, rather than await the contingency
+of a second, when they would seem to be of small
+utility. To delay attaching the <i>bobs</i> until the second attempt
+at flying the kite would indicate but a slender experience in
+that useful art. Neither has it escaped my notice, nor failed
+to afford me matter of reflection, that, when a circus or a caravan
+is about to visit Jaalam, the initial step is to send forward
+large and highly ornamented bills of performance to be hung in
+the bar-room and the post-office. These having been sufficiently<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxx" id="Page_xxx">[Pg xxx]</a></span>
+gazed at, and beginning to lose their attractiveness
+except for the flies, and, truly, the boys also, (in whom I find
+it impossible to repress, even during school-hours, certain oral
+and telegraphic correspondences concerning the expected show,)
+upon some fine morning the band enters in a gaily-painted
+waggon, or triumphal chariot, and with noisy advertisement,
+by means of brass, wood, and sheepskin, makes the circuit of
+our startled village-streets. Then, as the exciting sounds draw
+nearer and nearer, do I desiderate those eyes of Aristarchus,
+"whose looks were as a breeching to a boy." Then do I
+perceive, with vain regret of wasted opportunities, the advantage
+of a pancratic or pantechnic education, since he is most
+reverenced by my little subjects who can throw the cleanest
+summerset, or walk most securely upon the revolving cask.
+The story of the Pied Piper becomes for the first time credible
+to me, (albeit confirmed by the Hameliners dating their legal
+instruments from the period of his exit,) as I behold how those
+strains, without pretence of magical potency, bewitch the pupillary
+legs, nor leave to the pedagogic an entire self-control.
+For these reasons, lest my kingly prerogative should suffer
+diminution, I prorogue my restless commons, whom I also
+follow into the street, chiefly lest some mischief may chance
+befall them. After the manner of such a band, I send forward
+the following notices of domestic manufacture, to make brazen
+proclamation, not unconscious of the advantage which will
+accrue, if our little craft, <i>cymbula sutilis</i>, shall seem to leave
+port with a clipping breeze, and to carry, in nautical phrase,
+a bone in her mouth. Nevertheless, I have chosen, as being
+more equitable, to prepare some also sufficiently objurgatory,
+that readers of every taste may find a dish to their palate. I
+have modelled them upon actually existing specimens, preserved
+in my own cabinet of natural curiosities. One, in particular,
+I had copied with tolerable exactness from a notice of one of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxi" id="Page_xxxi">[Pg xxxi]</a></span>
+my own discourses, which, from its superior tone and appearance
+of vast experience, I concluded to have been written by
+a man at least three hundred years of age, though I recollected
+no existing instance of such antediluvian longevity. Nevertheless,
+I afterwards discovered the author to be a young
+gentleman preparing for the ministry under the direction of one
+of my brethren in a neighbouring town, and whom I had once
+instinctively corrected in a Latin quantity. But this I have
+been forced to omit, from its too great length.&mdash;H. W.]</p></div>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p class="center"><i>From the Universal Littery Universe.</i></p>
+
+<p>Full of passages which rivet the attention of the reader.... Under a
+rustic garb, sentiments are conveyed which should be committed to the
+memory and engraven on the heart of every moral and social being....
+We consider this a <i>unique</i> performance.... We hope to see it soon introduced
+into our common schools.... Mr. Wilbur has performed his
+duties as editor with excellent taste and judgment.... This is a vein
+which we hope to see successfully prosecuted.... We hail the appearance
+of this work as a long stride toward the formation of a purely aboriginal,
+indigenous, native, and American literature. We rejoice to meet with an
+author national enough to break away from the slavish deference, too
+common among us, to English grammar and orthography.... Where all
+is so good, we are at a loss how to make extracts.... On the whole, we
+may call it a volume which no library, pretending to entire completeness,
+should fail to place upon its shelves.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p class="center"><i>From the Higginbottomopolis Snapping-turtle.</i></p>
+
+<p>A collection of the merest balderdash and doggerel that it was ever our
+bad fortune to lay eyes on. The author is a vulgar buffoon, and the editor
+a talkative, tedious old fool. We use strong language, but should any of
+our readers peruse the book, (from which calamity Heaven preserve them,)
+they will find reasons for it thick as the leaves of Vallumbrozer, or, to use<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxii" id="Page_xxxii">[Pg xxxii]</a></span>
+a still more expressive comparison, as the combined heads of author and
+editor. The work is wretchedly got up.... We should like to know how
+much <i>British gold</i> was pocketed by this libeller of our country and her
+purest patriots.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p class="center"><i>From the Oldfogrumville Mentor.</i></p>
+
+<p>We have not had time to do more than glance through this handsomely
+printed volume, but the name of its respectable editor, the Rev. Mr.
+Wilbur, of Jaalam, will afford a sufficient guaranty for the worth of its
+contents.... The paper is white, the type clear, and the volume of a convenient
+and attractive size.... In reading this elegantly executed work,
+it has seemed to us that a passage or two might have been retrenched with
+advantage, and that the general style of diction was susceptible of a higher
+polish.... On the whole, we may safely leave the ungrateful task of
+criticism to the reader. We will barely suggest, that in volumes intended,
+as this is, for the illustration of a provincial dialect and turns of expression,
+a dash of humour or satire might be thrown in with advantage....
+The work is admirably got up.... This work will form an appropriate
+ornament to the centre-table. It is beautifully printed, on paper of an
+excellent quality.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p class="center"><i>From the Dekay Bulwark.</i></p>
+
+<p>We should be wanting in our duty as the conductor of that tremendous
+engine, a public press, as an American, and as a man, did we allow such
+an opportunity as is presented to us by "The Biglow Papers" to pass by
+without entering our earnest protest against such attempts (now, alas! too
+common) at demoralizing the public sentiment. Under a wretched mask
+of stupid drollery, slavery, war, the social glass, and, in short, all the
+valuable and time-honoured institutions justly dear to our common
+humanity and especially to republicans, are made the butt of coarse and
+senseless ribaldry by this low-minded scribbler. It is time that the respectable
+and religious portion of our community should be aroused to the
+alarming inroads of foreign Jacobinism, sansculottism, and infidelity. It
+is a fearful proof of the wide-spread nature of this contagion, that these
+secret stabs at religion and virtue are given from under the cloak (<i>credite,
+posteri!</i>) of a clergyman. It is a mournful spectacle indeed to the patriot
+and Christian to see liberality and new ideas (falsely so called,&mdash;they are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxiii" id="Page_xxxiii">[Pg xxxiii]</a></span>
+as old as Eden) invading the sacred precincts of the pulpit.... On the
+whole, we consider this volume as one of the first shocking results which
+we predicted would spring out of the late French "Revolution"(!).</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p class="center"><i>From the Bungtown Copper and Comprehensive Tocsin (a tryweakly
+family journal).</i></p>
+
+<p>Altogether an admirable work.... Full of humour, boisterous, but
+delicate,&mdash;of wit withering and scorching, yet combined with a pathos
+cool as morning dew,&mdash;of satire ponderous as the mace of Richard, yet
+keen as the scymitar of Saladin.... A work full of "mountain-mirth,"
+mischievous as Puck and lightsome as Ariel.... We know not whether
+to admire most the genial, fresh, and discursive concinnity of the author,
+or his playful fancy, weird imagination, and compass of style, at once both
+objective and subjective.... We might indulge in some criticisms, but,
+were the author other than he is, he would be a different being. As it is,
+he has a wonderful <i>pose</i>, which flits from flower to flower, and bears the
+reader irresistibly along on its eagle pinions (like Ganymede) to the
+"highest heaven of invention." ... We love a book so purely objective....
+Many of his pictures of natural scenery have an extraordinary subjective
+clearness and fidelity.... In fine, we consider this as one of the
+most extraordinary volumes of this or any age. We know of no English
+author who could have written it. It is a work to which the proud genius
+of our country, standing with one foot on the Aroostook and the other on
+the Rio Grande, and holding up the star-spangled banner amid the wreck
+of matter and the crush of worlds, may point with bewildering scorn of
+the punier efforts of enslaved Europe.... We hope soon to encounter
+our author among those higher walks of literature in which he is evidently
+capable of achieving enduring fame. Already we should be inclined to
+assign him a high position in the bright galaxy of our American bards.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p class="center"><i>From the Saltriver Pilot and Flag of Freedom.</i></p>
+
+<p>A volume in bad grammar and worse taste.... While the pieces here
+collected were confined to their appropriate sphere in the corners of obscure
+newspapers, we considered them wholly beneath contempt, but, as the
+author has chosen to come forward in this public manner, he must expect<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxiv" id="Page_xxxiv">[Pg xxxiv]</a></span>
+the lash he so richly merits.... Contemptible slanders.... Vilest Billingsgate....
+Has raked all the gutters of our language.... The most
+pure, upright, and consistent politicians not safe from his malignant
+venom.... General Cushing comes in for a share of his vile calumnies....
+The <i>Reverend</i> Homer Wilbur is a disgrace to his cloth....</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p class="center"><i>From the World-Harmonic-&AElig;olian-Attachment.</i></p>
+
+<p>Speech is silver: silence is golden. No utterance more Orphic than
+this. While, therefore, as highest author, we reverence him whose works
+continue heroically unwritten, we have also our hopeful word for those
+who with pen (from wing of goose loud-cackling, or seraph God-commissioned)
+record the thing that is revealed.... Under mask of quaintest
+irony, we detect here the deep, storm-tost (nigh shipwracked) soul, thunder-scarred,
+semiarticulate, but ever climbing hopefully toward the peaceful
+summits of an Infinite Sorrow.... Yes, thou poor, forlorn Hosea, with
+Hebrew fire-flaming soul in thee, for thee also this life of ours has not
+been without its aspect of heavenliest pity and laughingest mirth. Conceivable
+enough! Through coarse Thersites-cloak, we have revelation of
+the heart, wild-glowing, world-clasping, that is in him. Bravely he grapples
+with the life-problem as it presents itself to him, uncombed, shaggy,
+careless of the "nicer proprieties," inexpert of "elegant diction," yet with
+voice audible enough to whoso hath ears, up there on the gravelly side-hills,
+or down on the splashy, Indiarubber-like salt-marshes of native
+Jaalam. To this soul also the <i>Necessity of Creating</i> somewhat has unveiled
+its awful front. If not &#338;dipuses and Electras and Alcestises, then
+in God's name Birdofredum Sawins! These also shall get born into the
+world, and filch (if so need) a Zingali subsistence therein, these lank,
+omnivorous Yankees of his. He shall paint the Seen, since the Unseen
+will not sit to him. Yet in him also are Nibelungen-lays, and Iliads, and
+Ulysses-wanderings, and Divine Comedies,&mdash;if only once he could come at
+them! Therein lies much, nay all; for what truly is this which we name
+<i>All</i>, but that which we do <i>not</i> possess?... Glimpses also are given us of
+an old father Ezekiel, not without paternal pride, as is the wont of such.
+A brown, parchment-hided old man of the geoponic or bucolic species,
+gray-eyed, we fancy, <i>queued</i> perhaps, with much weather-cunning and
+plentiful September-gale memories, bidding fair in good time to become
+the Oldest Inhabitant. After such hasty apparition, he vanishes and is
+seen no more.... Of "Rev. Homer Wilbur, A. M., Pastor of the First<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxv" id="Page_xxxv">[Pg xxxv]</a></span>
+Church in Jaalam," we have small care to speak here. Spare touch in
+him of his Melesigenes namesake, save, haply, the&mdash;blindness! A
+tolerably caliginose, nephelegeretous elderly gentleman, with infinite
+faculty of sermonizing, muscularized by long practice, and excellent
+digestive apparatus, and, for the rest, well-meaning enough, and with
+small private illuminations (somewhat tallowy, it is to be feared) of
+his own. To him, there, "Pastor of the First Church in Jaalam,"
+our Hosea presents himself as a quiet inexplicable Sphinx-riddle. A
+rich, poverty of Latin and Greek,&mdash;so far is clear enough, even to
+eyes peering myopic through horn-lensed editorial spectacles,&mdash;but
+naught farther? O purblind, well-meaning, altogether fuscous Melesigenes-Wilbur,
+there are things in him incommunicable by stroke of
+birch! Did it ever enter that old bewildered head of thine that there was
+the <i>Possibility of the Infinite</i> in him? To thee, quite wingless (and even
+featherless) biped, has not so much even as a dream of wings ever come?
+"Talented young parishioner"? Among the Arts whereof thou art
+<i>Magister</i>, does that of <i>seeing</i> happen to be one? Unhappy <i>Artium
+Magister</i>! Somehow a Nemean lion, fulvous, torrid-eyed, dry-nursed in
+broad-howling sand-wildernesses of a sufficiently rare spirit-Libya (it may
+be supposed) has got whelped among the sheep. Already he stands wild-glaring,
+with feet clutching the ground as with oak-roots, gathering for a
+Remus-spring over the walls of thy little fold. In Heaven's name, go
+not near him with that flybite crook of thine! In good time, thou painful
+preacher, thou wilt go to the appointed place of departed Artillery-Election
+Sermons, Right-Hands of Fellowship, and Results of Councils,
+gathered to thy spiritual fathers with much Latin of the Epitaphial sort;
+thou, too, shalt have thy reward; but on him the Eumenides have looked,
+not Xantippes of the pit, snake-tressed, finger-threatening, but radiantly
+calm as on antique gems; for him paws impatient the winged courser of
+the gods, champing unwelcome bit: him the starry deeps, the empyrean
+glooms, and far-flashing splendors await.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p class="center"><i>From the Onion Grove Ph&#339;nix.</i></p>
+
+<p>A talented young townsman of ours, recently returned from a Continental
+tour, and who is already favourably known to our readers by his
+sprightly letters from abroad which have graced our columns, called at our
+office yesterday. We learn from him, that, having enjoyed the distinguished<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxvi" id="Page_xxxvi">[Pg xxxvi]</a></span>
+privilege, while in Germany, of an introduction to the celebrated Von
+Humbug, he took the opportunity to present that eminent man with a
+copy of the "Biglow Papers." The next morning he received the following
+note, which he has kindly furnished us for publication. We prefer to
+print <i>verbatim</i>, knowing that our readers will readily forgive the few errors
+into which the illustrious writer has fallen, through ignorance of our
+language.</p>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">High-Worthy Mister!</span></p>
+
+<p>"I shall also now especially happy starve, because I have more or less
+a work of one those aboriginal Red-Men seen in which have I so deaf an
+interest ever taken fullworthy on the self shelf with our Gottsched to be
+upset.</p>
+
+<p>"Pardon my in the English-speech unpractice!</p>
+
+<p class="author">"<span class="smcap">Von Humbug.</span>"</p>
+
+<p>He also sent with the above note a copy of his famous work on "Cosmetics,"
+to be presented to Mr. Biglow; but this was taken from our
+friend by the English custom-house officers, probably through a petty
+national spite. No doubt, it has by this time found its way into the
+British Museum. We trust this outrage will be exposed in all our American
+papers. We shall do our best to bring it to the notice of the State
+Department. Our numerous readers will share in the pleasure we experience
+at seeing our young and vigorous national literature thus encouragingly
+patted on the head by this venerable and world-renowned German.
+We love to see these reciprocations of good-feeling between the different
+branches of the great Anglo-Saxon race.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p class="center"><i>From the Jaalam Independent Blunderbuss.</i></p>
+
+<p>... But, while we lament to see our young townsman thus mingling
+in the heated contests of party politics, we think we detect in him the
+presence of talents which, if properly directed, might give an innocent
+pleasure to many. As a proof that he is competent to the production of
+other kinds of poetry, we copy for our readers a short fragment of a pastoral
+by him, the manuscript of which was loaned us by a friend. The
+title of it is "The Courtin'."</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxvii" id="Page_xxxvii">[Pg xxxvii]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="cpoem20"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Zekle crep' up, quite unbeknown,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' peeked in thru the winder,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' there sot Huldy all alone,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">'ith no one nigh to hender.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Agin' the chimbly crooknecks hung,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' in amongst 'em rusted<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The ole queen's arm thet gran'ther Young<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Fetched back frum Concord busted.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The wannut logs shot sparkles out<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Towards the pootiest, bless her!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' leetle fires danced all about<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The chiny on the dresser.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The very room, coz she wuz in,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Looked warm frum floor to ceilin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' she looked full ez rosy agin<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Ez th' apples she wuz peelin'.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">She heerd a foot an' knowed it, tu,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Araspin' on the scraper,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">All ways to once her feelins flew<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Like sparks in burnt-up paper.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">He kin' o' l'itered on the mat,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Some doubtfle o' the seekle;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">His heart kep' goin' pitypat,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">But hern went pity Zekle.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i2">... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...<br /></span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+<hr style='width: 65%;' /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxviii" id="Page_xxxviii">[Pg xxxviii]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Satis multis sese emptores futuros libri professis, Georgius
+Nichols, Cantabrigiensis, opus emittet de parte gravi sed
+adhuc neglecta histori&aelig; naturalis, cum titulo sequenti, videlicet:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><i>Conatus ad Delineationem naturalem nonnihil perfectiorem
+Scarab&aelig;i Bombilatoris, vulgo dicti</i> <span class="smcap">Humbug</span>, ab <span class="smcap">Homero
+Wilbur</span>, Artium Magistro, Societatis historico-naturalis
+Jaallamensis Pr&aelig;side, (Secretario, Socioque (eheu!) singulo,)
+multarumque aliarum Societatum eruditarum (sive ineruditarum)
+tam domesticarum quam transmarinarum Socio&mdash;forsitan
+futuro.</p>
+
+<p class="head4">PROEMIUM.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Lectori Benevolo S.</span></p>
+
+<p>Toga scholastica nondum deposita, quum systemata varia
+entomologica, a viris ejus scienti&aelig; cultoribus studiosissimis
+summa diligentia &aelig;dificata, penitus indag&acirc;ssem, non fuit quin
+luctuose omnibus in iis, quamvis aliter laude dignissimis,
+hiatum magni momenti perciperem. Tunc, nescio quo motu
+superiore impulsus, aut qua captus dulcedine operis, ad eum
+implendum (Curtius alter) me solemniter devovi. Nec ab isto
+labore, <span title="daimoni&ocirc;s">&#948;&#945;&#953;&#956;&#959;&#957;&#8055;&#969;&#962;</span> imposito, abstinui antequam tractatulum
+sufficienter inconcinnum lingua vernacula perfeceram. Inde,
+juveniliter tumefactus, et barathro inepti&aelig; <span title="t&ocirc;n bibliop&ocirc;l&ocirc;n">&#964;&#8182;&#957; &#946;&#953;&#946;&#955;&#953;&#959;&#960;&#969;&#955;&#8182;&#957;</span>
+(necnon "Publici Legentis") nusquam explorato, me composuisse
+quod quasi placentas pr&aelig;fervidas (ut sic dicam) homines<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xxxix" id="Page_xxxix">[Pg xxxix]</a></span>
+ingurgitarent credidi. Sed, quum huic et alii bibliopol&aelig;
+MSS. mea submisissem et nihil solidius responsione valde negativa
+in Mus&aelig;um meum retulissem, horror ingens atque
+misericordia, ob crassitudinem Lambertianam in cerebris
+homunculorum istius muneris c&#339;lesti quadam ira infixam, me
+invasere. Extemplo mei solius impensis librum edere decrevi,
+nihil omnino dubitans quin "Mundus Scientificus" (ut aiunt)
+crumenam meam ampliter repleret. Nullam, attamen, ex agro
+illo meo parvulo segetem demessui, pr&aelig;ter gaudium vacuum
+bene de Republica merendi. Iste panis meus pretiosus super
+aquas literarias f&aelig;culentas pr&aelig;fidenter jactus, quasi Harpyiarum
+quarundam (scilicet bibliopolarum istorum facinorosorum
+supradictorum) tactu rancidus, intra perpaucos dies
+mihi domum rediit. Et, quum ipse tali victu ali non tolerarem,
+primum in mentem venit pistori (typographo nempe) nihilominus
+solvendum esse. Animum non idcirco demisi, imo
+&aelig;que ac pueri naviculas suas penes se lino retinent (eo ut e
+recto cursu delapsas ad ripam retrahant), sic ego Arg&ocirc; meam
+chartaceam fluctibus laborantem a qu&aelig;situ velleris aurei, ipse
+potius tonsus pelleque exutus, mente solida revocavi. Metaphoram
+ut mutem, <i>boomarangam</i> meam a scopo aberrantem
+retraxi, dum majore vi, occasione ministrante, adversus Fortunam
+intorquerem. Ast mihi, talia volventi, et, sicut
+Saturnus ille <span title="paidoboros">&#960;&#945;&#953;&#948;&#959;&#946;&#8057;&#961;&#959;&#962;</span>, liberos intellectus mei depascere
+fidenti, casus miserandus, nec antea inauditus, supervenit.
+Nam, ut ferunt Scythas pietatis causa et parsimoni&aelig;, parentes
+suos mortuos devor&acirc;sse, sic filius hic meus primogenitus,
+Scythis ipsis minus mansuetus, patrem vivum totum
+et calcitrantem exsorbere enixus est. Nec tamen hac de causa
+sobolem meam esurientem exheredavi. Sed famem istam pro
+valido testimonio virilitatis roborisque potius habui, cibumque
+ad eam satiandam salva paterna mea carne, petii. Et quia
+bilem illam scaturientem ad &aelig;s etiam concoquendum idoneam<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xl" id="Page_xl">[Pg xl]</a></span>
+esse estimabam, unde &aelig;s alienum, ut minoris pretii, haberem,
+circumspexi. Rebus ita se habentibus, ab avunculo meo
+Johanne Doolittle, Armigero, impetravi ut pecunias necessarias
+suppeditaret, ne opus esset mihi universitatem relinquendi
+antequam ad gradum primum in artibus pervenissem.
+Tunc ego, salvum facere patronum meum munificum maxime
+cupiens, omnes libros prim&aelig; editionis operis mei non venditos
+una cum privilegio in omne &aelig;vum ejusdem imprimendi et
+edendi avunculo meo dicto pigneravi. Ex illo die, atro lapide
+notando, cur&aelig; vociferantes famili&aelig; singulis annis crescentis
+eo usque insultabant ut nunquam tam carum pignus e vinculis
+istis aheneis solvere possem.</p>
+
+<p>Avunculo vero nuper mortuo, quum inter alios consanguineos
+testamenti ejus lectionem audiendi causa advenissem,
+erectis auribus verba talia sequentia accepi:&mdash;"Quoniam persuasum
+habeo meum dilectum nepotem Homerum, longa et
+intima rerum angustarum domi experientia, aptissimum esse
+qui divitias tueatur, beneficenterque ac prudenter iis divinis
+creditis utatur,&mdash;ergo, motus hisce cogitationibus, exque
+amore meo in illum magno, do, legoque nepoti caro meo
+supranominato omnes singularesque istas possessiones nec
+ponderabiles nec computabiles meas qu&aelig; sequuntur, scilicet:
+quingentos libros quos mihi pigneravit dictus Homerus, anno
+lucis 1792, cum privilegio edendi et repetendi opus istud
+'scientificum' (quod dicunt) suum, si sic elegerit. Tamen
+D. O. M. precor oculos Homeri nepotis mei ita aperiat eumque
+moveat, ut libros istos in bibliotheca unius e plurimis castellis
+suis Hispaniensibus tuto abscondat."</p>
+
+<p>His verbis (vix credibilibus) auditis, cor meum in pectore
+exsultavit. Deinde, quoniam tractatus Anglice scriptus spem
+auctoris fefellerat, quippe quum studium Histori&aelig; Naturalis in
+Republica nostra inter factionis strepitum languescat, Latine
+versum edere statui, et eo potius quia nescio quomodo disciplina<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xli" id="Page_xli">[Pg xli]</a></span>
+academica et duo diplomata proficiant, nisi quod peritos
+linguarum omnino mortuarum (et damnandarum, ut dicebat
+iste <span title="panourgos">&#960;&#945;&#957;&#959;&#8166;&#961;&#947;&#959;&#962;</span> Gulielmus Cobbett) nos faciant.</p>
+
+<p>Et mihi adhuc superstes est tota illa editio prima, quam
+quasi crepitaculum per quod dentes caninos dentibam retineo.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p class="head5">OPERIS SPECIMEN.</p>
+
+<p class="center">(<i>Ad exemplum Johannis Physiophili speciminis Monachologi&aelig;.</i>)<br /><br />
+12. S. B. <i>Militaris</i>, <span class="smcap">Wilbur</span>. <i>Carnifex</i>, <span class="smcap">Jablonsk</span>. <i>Profanus</i>, <span class="smcap">Desfont</span>.</p>
+
+<p>[Male hancce speciem <i>Cyclopem</i>, Fabricius vocat, ut qui singulo oculo
+ad quod sui interest distinguitur. Melius vero Isaacus Outis nullum inter
+S. milit. S. que Belzebul (Fabric. 152) discrimen esse defendit.]</p>
+
+<p>Habitat civitat. Americ. austral.</p>
+
+<p>Aureis lineis splendidus; plerumque tamen sordidus, utpote lanienas
+valde frequentans, f&#339;tore sanguinis allectus. Amat quoque insuper septa
+apricari, neque inde, nisi maxima conatione, detruditur. <i>Candidatus</i> ergo
+populariter vocatus. Caput cristam quasi pennarum ostendit. Pro cibo
+vaccam publicam callide mulget; abdomen enorme; facultas suctus haud
+facile estimanda. Otiosus, fatuus; ferox nihilominus, semperque dimicare
+paratus. Tortuose repit.</p>
+
+<p>Capite s&aelig;pe maxima cum cura dissecto, ne illud rudimentum etiam
+cerebri commune omnibus prope insectis detegere poteram.</p>
+
+<p>Unam de hoc S. milit. rem singularem notavi; nam S. Guineeus.
+(Fabric. 143) servos facit, et idcirco a multis summa in reverentia habitus,
+quasi scintillas rationis p&aelig;ne human&aelig; demonstrans.</p>
+
+<p class="center">24. S. B. <i>Criticus</i>, <span class="smcap">Wilbur</span>. <i>Zoilus</i>, <span class="smcap">Fabric</span>. <i>Pygm&aelig;us</i>, <span class="smcap">Carlsen</span>.</p>
+
+<p>[Stultissime Johannes Stryx cum S. punctato (Fabric. 64-109) confundit.
+Specimina quam plurima scrutationi microscopic&aelig; subjeci, nunquam
+tamen unum ulla indicia puncti cujusvis prorsus ostendentem inveni.]</p>
+
+<p>Pr&aelig;cipue formidolosus, insectatusque, in proxima rima anonyma sese abscondit,
+<i>we, we</i>, creberrime stridens. Ineptus, segnipes.</p>
+
+<p>Habitat ubique gentium; in sicco; nidum suum terebratione indefessa &aelig;dificans.
+Cibus. Libros depascit; siccos pr&aelig;cipue seligens, et forte succidum</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h1><a name="THE_BIGLOW_PAPERS" id="THE_BIGLOW_PAPERS"></a>THE BIGLOW PAPERS.</h1>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p class="head6"><i>MELIB&#338;US-HIPPONAX.</i><br /><br /><br />
+<b>THE</b><br /><br />
+<big><big><b>BIGLOW PAPERS,</b></big></big></p>
+
+<p class="center" style="margin-top: 2em;">EDITED,</p>
+
+<p class="head6" style="margin-top: 2em;">WITH AN INTRODUCTION, NOTES, GLOSSARY,<br />
+AND COPIOUS INDEX,</p>
+
+
+<p class="head6" style="margin-top: 2em;"><big><span class="smcap">By</span> HOMER WILBUR, A.M.</big></p>
+
+<p class="center"><small>PASTOR OF THE FIRST CHURCH IN JAALAM, AND (PROSPECTIVE) MEMBER OF<br />
+MANY LITERARY, LEARNED, AND SCIENTIFIC SOCIETIES,<br />
+(<i>for which see page</i> <a href="#Page_xlvii">xlvii</a>.)</small><br /><br /><br /></p>
+
+
+<div class="cpoem30"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The ploughman's whistle, or the trivial flute,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Finds more respect than great Apollo's lute.<br /></span>
+<span class="i8"><i>Quarles's Emblems</i>, B. II. E. 8.<br /></span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="cpoem30"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Margaritas, munde porcine, calc&acirc;sti: en, siliquas accipe.<br /></span>
+<span class="i8"><i>Jaa. Car. Fil. ad Pub. Leg.</i> &sect; 1.<br /></span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xlvii" id="Page_xlvii">[Pg xlvii]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="NOTE_TO_TITLE-PAGE" id="NOTE_TO_TITLE-PAGE"></a>NOTE TO TITLE-PAGE</h2>
+
+
+<p>It will not have escaped the attentive eye, that I have, on
+the title-page, omitted those honorary appendages to the
+editorial name which not only add greatly to the value of
+every book, but whet and exacerbate the appetite of the
+reader. For not only does he surmise that an honorary
+membership of literary and scientific societies implies a certain
+amount of necessary distinction on the part of the recipient of
+such decorations, but he is willing to trust himself more
+entirely to an author who writes under the fearful responsibility
+of involving the reputation of such bodies as the <i>S.
+Arch&aelig;ol. Dahom.</i>, or the <i>Acad. Lit. et Scient. Kamtschat.</i> I
+cannot but think that the early editions of Shakspeare and
+Milton would have met with more rapid and general acceptance,
+but for the barrenness of their respective title-pages;
+and I believe that, even now, a publisher of the works of
+either of those justly distinguished men would find his account
+in procuring their admission to the membership of learned
+bodies on the Continent,&mdash;a proceeding no whit more incongruous
+than the reversal of the judgment against Socrates,
+when he was already more than twenty centuries beyond the
+reach of antidotes, and when his memory had acquired a deserved
+respectability. I conceive that it was a feeling of the importance
+of this precaution which induced Mr. Locke to style
+himself "Gent." on the title-page of his Essay, as who should<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xlviii" id="Page_xlviii">[Pg xlviii]</a></span>
+say to his readers that they could receive his metaphysics on
+the honor of a gentleman.</p>
+
+<p>Nevertheless, finding, that, without descending to a smaller
+size of type than would have been compatible with the dignity
+of the several societies to be named, I could not compress my
+intended list within the limits of a single page, and thinking,
+moreover, that the act would carry with it an air of decorous
+modesty, I have chosen to take the reader aside, as it were,
+into my private closet, and there not only exhibit to him the
+diplomas which I already possess, but also to furnish him with
+a prophetic vision of those which I may, without undue presumption,
+hope for, as not beyond the reach of human ambition
+and attainment. And I am the rather induced to this from the
+fact, that my name has been unaccountably dropped from the
+last triennial catalogue of our beloved <i>Alma Mater</i>. Whether
+this is to be attributed to the difficulty of Latinizing any of
+those honorary adjuncts (with a complete list of which I took
+care to furnish the proper persons nearly a year beforehand),
+or whether it had its origin in any more culpable motives, I
+forbear to consider in this place, the matter being in course of
+painful investigation. But, however this may be, I felt the
+omission the more keenly, as I had, in expectation of the new
+catalogue, enriched the library of the Jaalam Athen&aelig;um with
+the old one then in my possession, by which means it has
+come about that my children will be deprived of a never-wearying
+winter-evening's amusement in looking out the name
+of their parent in that distinguished roll. Those harmless
+innocents had at least committed no&mdash;&mdash;but I forbear, having
+intrusted my reflections and animadversions on this painful
+topic to the safe-keeping of my private diary, intended for
+posthumous publication. I state this fact here, in order that
+certain nameless individuals, who are, perhaps, overmuch congratulating
+themselves upon my silence, may know that a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xlix" id="Page_xlix">[Pg xlix]</a></span>
+rod is in pickle which the vigorous hand of a justly incensed
+posterity will apply to their memories.</p>
+
+<p>The careful reader will note, that, in the list which I have
+prepared, I have included the names of several Cisatlantic societies
+to which a place is not commonly assigned in processions
+of this nature. I have ventured to do this, not only to
+encourage native ambition and genius, but also because I have
+never been able to perceive in what way distance (unless we
+suppose them at the end of a lever) could increase the weight
+of learned bodies. As far as I have been able to extend my
+researches among such stuffed specimens as occasionally reach
+America, I have discovered no generic difference between the
+antipodal <i>Fogrum Japonicum</i> and the <i>F. Americanum</i> sufficiently
+common in our own immediate neighbourhood. Yet, with a
+becoming deference to the popular belief, that distinctions of
+this sort are enhanced in value by every additional mile they
+travel, I have intermixed the names of some tolerably distant
+literary and other associations with the rest.</p>
+
+<p>I add here, also, an advertisement, which, that it may be the
+more readily understood by those persons especially interested
+therein, I have written in that curtailed and otherwise maltreated
+canine Latin, to the writing and reading of which they
+are accustomed.</p>
+
+
+<p class="head4"><span class="smcap">Omnib. per tot. Orb. Terrar. Catalog. Academ. Edd.</span></p>
+
+<p>Minim. gent. diplom. ab inclytiss. acad. vest. orans, vir.
+honorand. operosiss., at sol. ut sciat. quant. glor. nom. meum
+(dipl. fort. concess.) catal. vest. temp. futur. affer., ill. subjec.,
+addit. omnib. titul. honorar. qu. adh. non tant. opt. quam probab.
+put.</p>
+
+<p class="head5"><sup>*</sup><sub>*</sub><sup>*</sup> <i>Litt. Uncial. distinx. ut Pr&aelig;s. S. Hist. Nat. Jaal.</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_l" id="Page_l">[Pg l]</a></span></p>
+
+<p><i>HOMERUS WILBUR</i>, Mr., Episc. Jaalam. S. T. D. 1850,
+et Yal. 1849, et Neo-C&aelig;s. et Brun. et Gulielm. 1852, et Gul.
+et Mar. et Bowd. et Georgiop. et Viridimont. et Columb. Nov.
+Ebor. 1853, et Amherst. et Watervill. et S. Jarlath. Hib. et S.
+Mar. et S. Joseph. et S. And. Scot. 1854, et Nashvill et Dart.
+et Dickins. et Concord. et Wash. et Columbian. et Charlest. et
+Jeff. et Dubl. et Oxon. et Cantab. et c&aelig;t. 1855, P. U. N. C. H.
+et J. U. D. Gott. et Osnab. et Heidelb. 1860, et Acad. <span class="smcap">Bore
+us</span>. Berolin. Soc. et SS. RR. Lugd. Bat. et Patav. et Lond.
+et Edinb. et Ins. Feejee. et Null. Terr. et Pekin. Soc. Hon. et
+S. H. S. et S. P. A. et A. A. S. et S. Humb. Univ. et S. Omn.
+Rer. Quarund. q. Aliar. Promov. Passamaquod. et H. P. C. et
+I. O. H. et <span title="A. D. Ph.">&#913;. &#916;. &#934;.</span> et <span title="P. K. R.">&#928;. &#922;. &#929;.</span> et <span title="Ph. B. K.">&#934;. &#914;. &#922;.</span> et Peucin. et
+Erosoph. et Philadelph. et Frat. in Unit. et <span title="S. T.">&#931;. &#932;.</span> et S. Arch&aelig;olog.
+Athen. et Acad. Scient. et Lit. Panorm. et SS. R. H.
+Matrit. et Beeloochist. et Caffrar. et Caribb. et M. S. Reg. Paris.
+et S. Am. Antiserv. Soc. Hon. et P. D. Gott. et LL.D. 1852,
+et D.C.L. et Mus. Doc. Oxon. 1860, et M. M. S. S. et M.D.
+1854, et Med. Fac. Univ. Harv. Soc. et S. pro Convers. Pollywog.
+Soc. Hon. et Higgl. Piggl. et LL.B. 1853, et S. pro
+Christianiz. Moschet. Soc., et SS. Ante-Diluv. ubiq. Gent. Soc.
+Hon. et Civit. Cleric. Jaalam. et S. pro Diffus. General. Tenebr.
+Secret. Corr.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_li" id="Page_li">[Pg li]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="INTRODUCTION" id="INTRODUCTION"></a>INTRODUCTION.</h2>
+
+
+<p>When, more than three years ago, my talented young
+parishioner, Mr. Biglow, came to me and submitted to
+my animadversions the first of his poems which he
+intended to commit to the more hazardous trial of a
+city newspaper, it never so much as entered my
+imagination to conceive that his productions would
+ever be gathered into a fair volume, and ushered into
+the august presence of the reading public by myself.
+So little are we short-sighted mortals able to predict
+the event! I confess that there is to me a quite new
+satisfaction in being associated (though only as sleeping
+partner) in a book which can stand by itself in an
+independent unity on the shelves of libraries. For there
+is always this drawback from the pleasure of printing a
+sermon, that, whereas the queasy stomach of this generation
+will not bear a discourse long enough to make
+a separate volume, those religious and godly-minded
+children (those Samuels, if I may call them so) of the
+brain must at first lie buried in an undistinguished<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lii" id="Page_lii">[Pg lii]</a></span>
+heap, and then get such resurrection as is vouchsafed
+to them, mummy-wrapt with a score of others in a
+cheap binding, with no other mark of distinction than
+the word "<i>Miscellaneous</i>" printed upon the back. Far
+be it from me to claim any credit for the quite unexpected
+popularity which I am pleased to find these
+bucolic strains have attained unto. If I know myself,
+I am measurably free from the itch of vanity; yet I
+may be allowed to say that I was not backward to
+recognize in them a certain wild, puckery, acidulous
+(sometimes even verging toward that point which, in
+our rustic phrase, is termed <i>shut-eye</i>) flavour, not wholly
+unpleasing, nor unwholesome, to palates cloyed with
+the sugariness of tamed and cultivated fruit. It may
+be, also, that some touches of my own, here and there,
+may have led to their wider acceptance, albeit solely
+from my larger experience of literature and authorship.<a name="FNanchor_3_3" id="FNanchor_3_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_3_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a></p>
+
+<p>I was, at first, inclined to discourage Mr. Biglow's
+attempts, as knowing that the desire to poetize is one
+of the diseases naturally incident to adolescence, which,
+if the fitting remedies be not at once and with a bold
+hand applied, may become chronic, and render one,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_liii" id="Page_liii">[Pg liii]</a></span>
+who might else have become in due time an ornament
+of the social circle, a painful object even to nearest
+friends and relatives. But thinking, on a further
+experience, that there was a germ of promise in him
+which required only culture and the pulling up of
+weeds from around it, I thought it best to set before
+him the acknowledged examples of English compositions
+in verse, and leave the rest to natural emulation.
+With this view, I accordingly lent him some
+volumes of Pope and Goldsmith, to the assiduous study
+of which he promised to devote his evenings. Not
+long afterwards he brought me some verses written
+upon that model, a specimen of which I subjoin, having
+changed some phrases of less elegancy, and a few
+rhymes objectionable to the cultivated ear. The poem
+consisted of childish reminiscences, and the sketches
+which follow will not seem destitute of truth to those
+whose fortunate education began in a country village.
+And, first, let us hang up his charcoal portrait of the
+school-dame.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Propt on the marsh, a dwelling now, I see<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The humble school-house of my A, B, C,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Where well-drilled urchins, each behind his tire,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Waited in ranks the wished command to fire;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then all together, when the signal came,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Discharged their <i>a-b abs</i> against the dame,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_liv" id="Page_liv">[Pg liv]</a></span><br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Who, 'mid the volleyed learning, firm and calm,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Patted the furloughed ferule on her palm,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And, to our wonder, could detect at once,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Who flashed the pan, and who was downright dunce.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">There young Devotion learned to climb with ease<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The gnarly limbs of Scripture family-trees,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And he was most commended and admired<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Who soonest to the topmost twig perspired;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Each name was called as many various ways<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">As pleased the reader's ear on different days,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So that the weather, or the ferule's stings,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Colds in the head, or fifty other things,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Transformed the helpless Hebrew thrice a week<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To guttural Pequot or resounding Greek,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The vibrant accent skipping here and there,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Just as it pleased invention or despair;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">No controversial Hebraist was the Dame;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With or without the points pleased her the same;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">If any tyro found a name too tough,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And looked at her, pride furnished skill enough;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">She nerved her larynx for the desperate thing,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And cleared the five-barred syllables at a spring.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Ah, dear old times! there once it was my hap,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Perched on a stool, to wear the long-eared cap;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">From books degraded, there I sat at ease,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A drone, the envy of compulsory bees."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>I add only one further extract, which will possess
+a melancholy interest to all such as have endeavoured
+to glean the materials of Revolutionary history from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lv" id="Page_lv">[Pg lv]</a></span>
+the lips of aged persons, who took a part in the actual
+making of it, and, finding the manufacture profitable,
+continued the supply in an adequate proportion to the
+demand.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Old Joe is gone, who saw hot Percy goad<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">His slow artillery up the Concord road,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A tale which grew in wonder, year by year,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">As, every time he told it, Joe drew near<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To the main fight, till, faded and grown gray,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The original scene to bolder tints gave way;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then Joe had heard the foe's scared double-quick<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Beat on stove drum with one uncaptured stick,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And, ere death came the lengthening tale to lop,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Himself had fired, and seen a red-coat drop;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Had Joe lived long enough, that scrambling fight<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Had squared more nearly to his sense of right,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And vanquished Percy, to complete the tale,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Had hammered stone for life in Concord jail."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>I do not know that the foregoing extracts ought not
+to be called my own rather than Mr. Biglow's, as,
+indeed, he maintained stoutly that my file had left
+nothing of his in them. I should not, perhaps, have
+felt entitled to take so great liberties with them, had I
+not more than suspected an hereditary vein of poetry
+in myself, a very near ancestor having written a Latin
+poem in the Harvard <i>Gratulatio</i> on the accession of
+George the Third. Suffice it to say, that, whether not
+satisfied with such limited approbation as I could<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lvi" id="Page_lvi">[Pg lvi]</a></span>
+conscientiously bestow, or from a sense of natural
+inaptitude, I know not, certain it is that my young
+friend could never be induced to any further essays in
+this kind. He affirmed that it was to him like writing
+in a foreign tongue,&mdash;that Mr. Pope's versification was
+like the regular ticking of one of Willard's clocks, in
+which one could fancy, after long listening, a certain
+kind of rhythm or tune, but which yet was only a
+poverty-stricken <i>tick, tick</i> after all,&mdash;and that he had
+never seen a sweet-water on a trellis growing so fairly,
+or in forms so pleasing to his eye, as a fox-grape over
+a scrub-oak in a swamp. He added I know not what,
+to the effect that the sweet-water would only be the
+more disfigured by having its leaves starched and
+ironed out, and that Peg&#257;sus (so he called him) hardly
+looked right with his mane and tail in curl-papers.
+These and other such opinions I did not long strive
+to eradicate, attributing them rather to a defective
+education and senses untuned by too long familiarity
+with purely natural objects, than to a perverted moral
+sense. I was the more inclined to this leniency since
+sufficient evidence was not to seek, that his verses, as
+wanting as they certainly were in classic polish and
+point, had somehow taken hold of the public ear in a
+surprising manner. So, only setting him right as to
+the quantity of the proper name Pegasus, I left him
+to follow the bent of his natural genius.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lvii" id="Page_lvii">[Pg lvii]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>There are two things upon which it would seem
+fitting to dilate somewhat more largely in this place,&mdash;the
+Yankee character and the Yankee dialect. And,
+first, of the Yankee character, which has wanted neither
+open maligners, nor even more dangerous enemies in
+the persons of those unskilful painters who have given
+to it that hardness, angularity, and want of proper
+perspective, which, in truth, belonged, not to their
+subject, but to their own niggard and unskilful
+pencil.</p>
+
+<p>New England was not so much the colony of a
+mother country, as a Hagar driven forth into the
+wilderness. The little self-exiled band which came
+hither in 1620 came, not to seek gold, but to found
+a democracy. They came that they might have the
+privilege to work and pray, to sit upon hard benches
+and listen to painful preachers as long as they would,
+yea, even unto thirty-seventhly, if the spirit so willed
+it. And surely, if the Greek might boast his Thermopyl&aelig;,
+where three hundred men fell in resisting the
+Persian, we may well be proud of our Plymouth Rock,
+where a handful of men, women, and children not
+merely faced, but vanquished, winter, famine, the wilderness,
+and the yet more invincible <i>storge</i> that drew them
+back to the green island far away. These found no
+lotus growing upon the surly shore, the taste of which
+could make them forget their little native Ithaca; nor<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lviii" id="Page_lviii">[Pg lviii]</a></span>
+were they so wanting to themselves in faith as to burn
+their ship, but could see the fair west wind belly the
+homeward sail, and then turn unrepining to grapple
+with the terrible Unknown.</p>
+
+<p>As Want was the prime foe these hardy exodists
+had to fortress themselves against, so it is little wonder
+if that traditional feud is long in wearing out of the
+stock. The wounds of the old warfare were long ahealing,
+and an east wind of hard times puts a new ache
+in every one of them. Thrift was the first lesson in
+their horn-book, pointed out, letter after letter, by the
+lean finger of the hard schoolmaster, Necessity. Neither
+were those plump, rosy-gilled Englishmen that came
+hither, but a hard-faced, atrabilious, earnest-eyed race,
+stiff from long wrestling with the Lord in prayer, and
+who had taught Satan to dread the new Puritan hug.
+Add two hundred years' influence of soil, climate, and
+exposure, with its necessary result of idiosyncrasies,
+and we have the present Yankee, full of expedients,
+half-master of all trades, inventive in all but the beautiful,
+full of shifts, not yet capable of comfort, armed
+at all points against the old enemy Hunger, longanimous,
+good at patching, not so careful for what is best
+as for what will <i>do</i>, with a clasp to his purse and a
+button to his pocket, not skilled to build against Time,
+as in old countries, but against sore-pressing Need,
+accustomed to move the world with no <span title="pou st&ocirc;">&#960;&#959;&#8166; &#963;&#964;&#8182;</span> but<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lix" id="Page_lix">[Pg lix]</a></span>
+his own two feet, and no lever but his own long forecast.
+A strange hybrid, indeed, did circumstance beget,
+here in the New World, upon the old Puritan stock,
+and the earth never before saw such mystic-practicalism,
+such niggard-geniality, such calculating-fanaticism,
+such cast-iron-enthusiasm, such unwilling humour, such
+close-fisted-generosity. This new <i>Gr&aelig;culus esuriens</i>
+will make a living out of any thing. He will invent
+new trades as well as tools. His brain is his capital,
+and he will get education at all risks. Put him on
+Juan Fernandez, and he would make a spelling-book
+first, and a salt-pan afterwards. <i>In c&#339;lum, jusseris,
+ibit</i>,&mdash;or the other way either,&mdash;it is all one, so any
+thing is to be got by it. Yet, after all, thin, speculative
+Jonathan is more like the Englishman of two centuries
+ago than John Bull himself is. He has lost somewhat
+in solidity, has become fluent and adaptable, but more
+of the original groundwork of character remains. He
+feels more at home with Fulke Greville, Herbert of
+Cherbury, Quarles, George Herbert, and Browne, than
+with his modern English cousins. He is nearer than
+John, by at least a hundred years, to Naseby, Marston
+Moor, Worcester, and the time when, if ever, there
+were true Englishmen. John Bull has suffered the
+idea of the Invisible to be very much flattened out of
+him. Jonathan is conscious still that he lives in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lx" id="Page_lx">[Pg lx]</a></span>
+world of the Unseen as well as of the Seen. To move
+John, you must make your fulcrum of solid beef and
+pudding; an abstract idea will do for Jonathan.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p class="head6"><b><sup>*</sup><sub>*</sub><sup>*</sup> TO THE INDULGENT READER.</b></p>
+
+<p>My friend, the Rev. Mr. Wilbur, having been seized with a
+dangerous fit of illness, before this Introduction had passed
+through the press, and being incapacitated for all literary exertion,
+sent to me his notes, memoranda, &amp;c., and requested
+me to fashion them into some shape more fitting for the general
+eye. This, owing to the fragmentary and disjointed state
+of his manuscripts, I have felt wholly unable to do; yet, being
+unwilling that the reader should be deprived of such parts of
+his lucubrations as seemed more finished, and not well discerning
+how to segregate these from the rest, I have concluded to
+send them all to the press precisely as they are.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Columbus Nye</span>, <i>Pastor of a Church in Bungtown Corner</i>.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxi" id="Page_lxi">[Pg lxi]</a></span></p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>It remains to speak of the Yankee dialect. And,
+first, it may be premised, in a general way, that any
+one much read in the writings of the early colonists
+need not be told that the far greater share of the words
+and phrases now esteemed peculiar to New England,
+and local there, were brought from the mother-country.
+A person familiar with the dialect of certain portions
+of Massachusetts will not fail to recognize, in ordinary
+discourse, many words now noted in English vocabularies
+as archaic, the greater part of which were in common
+use about the time of the King James translation
+of the Bible. Shakspeare stands less in need of a glossary
+to most New Englanders than to many a native of
+the Old Country. The peculiarities of our speech,
+however, are rapidly wearing out. As there is no
+country where reading is so universal and newspapers
+are so multitudinous, so no phrase remains long local,
+but is transplanted in the mail-bags to every remotest
+corner of the land. Consequently our dialect approaches
+nearer to uniformity than that of any other nation.</p>
+
+<p>The English have complained of us for coining new
+words. Many of those so stigmatized were old ones
+by them forgotten, and all make now an unquestioned
+part of the currency, wherever English is spoken.
+Undoubtedly, we have a right to make new words, as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxii" id="Page_lxii">[Pg lxii]</a></span>
+they are needed by the fresh aspects under which life
+presents itself here in the New World; and, indeed,
+wherever a language is alive, it grows. It might be
+questioned whether we could not establish a stronger
+title to the ownership of the English tongue than the
+mother-islanders themselves. Here, past all question,
+is to be its great home and centre. And not only is it
+already spoken here by greater numbers, but with a far
+higher popular average of correctness, than in Britain.
+The great writers of it, too, we might claim as ours,
+were ownership to be settled by the number of readers
+and lovers.</p>
+
+<p>As regards the provincialisms to be met with in this
+volume, I may say that the reader will not find one
+which is not (as I believe) either native or imported
+with the early settlers, nor one which I have not, with
+my own ears, heard in familiar use. In the metrical
+portion of the book, I have endeavoured to adapt the
+spelling as nearly as possible to the ordinary mode of
+pronunciation. Let the reader who deems me overparticular
+remember this caution of Martial:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"<i>Quem recitas, meus est, O Fidentine, libellus;</i><br /></span>
+<span class="i0"><i>Sed male cum recitas, incipit esse tuus.</i>"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>A few further explanatory remarks will not be impertinent.</p>
+
+<p>I shall barely lay down a few general rules for the
+reader's guidance.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxiii" id="Page_lxiii">[Pg lxiii]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>1. The genuine Yankee never gives the rough sound
+to the <i>r</i> when he can help it, and often displays considerable
+ingenuity in avoiding it even before a vowel.</p>
+
+<p>2. He seldom sounds the final <i>g</i>, a piece of self-denial,
+if we consider his partiality for nasals. The
+same of the final <i>d</i>, as <i>han'</i> and <i>stan'</i> for <i>hand</i> and
+<i>stand</i>.</p>
+
+<p>3. The <i>h</i> in such words as <i>while</i>, <i>when</i>, <i>where</i>, he omits
+altogether.</p>
+
+<p>4. In regard to <i>a</i>, he shows some inconsistency,
+sometimes giving a close and obscure sound, as <i>hev</i> for
+<i>have</i>, <i>hendy</i> for <i>handy</i>, <i>ez</i> for <i>as</i>, <i>thet</i> for <i>that</i>, and again
+giving it the broad sound it has in <i>father</i>, as <i>h&acirc;nsome</i>
+for <i>handsome</i>.</p>
+
+<p>5. To the sound <i>ou</i> he prefixes an <i>e</i> (hard to exemplify
+otherwise than orally).</p>
+
+<p>The following passage in Shakspeare he would recite
+thus:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Neow is the winta uv eour discontent<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Med glorious summa by this sun o' Yock,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' all the cleouds thet leowered upun eour heouse<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In the deep buzzum o' the oshin buried;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Neow air eour breows beound 'ith victorious wreaths;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Eour breused arms hung up fer monimunce;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Eour starn alarums ch&#259;nged to merry meetins,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Eour dreffle marches to delightful measures.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Grim-visaged war heth smeuthed his wrinkled front,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxiv" id="Page_lxiv">[Pg lxiv]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">An' neow, instid o' mountin' barebid steeds<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To fright the souls o' ferfle edverseries,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He capers nimly in a lady's ch&#259;mber,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To the lascivious pleasin' uv a loot."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>6. <i>Au</i>, in such words as <i>daughter</i> and <i>slaughter</i>, he
+pronounces <i>ah</i>.</p>
+
+<p>7. To the dish thus seasoned add a drawl <i>ad libitum</i>.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center">[Mr. Wilbur's notes here become entirely fragmentary.&mdash;C. N.]</p>
+
+
+<p><span title="a">&#945;</span>. Unable to procure a likeness of Mr. Biglow, I
+thought the curious reader might be gratified with a
+sight of the editorial effigies. And here a choice between
+two was offered,&mdash;the one a profile (entirely
+black) cut by Doyle, the other a portrait painted by a
+native artist of much promise. The first of these
+seemed wanting in expression, and in the second a
+slight obliquity of the visual organs has been heightened
+(perhaps from an over-desire of force on the part of the
+artist) into too close an approach to actual <i>strabismus</i>.
+This slight divergence in my optical apparatus from the
+ordinary model&mdash;however I may have been taught to
+regard it in the light of a mercy rather than a cross,
+since it enabled me to give as much of directness and
+personal application to my discourses as met the wants
+of my congregation, without risk of offending any by
+being supposed to have him or her in my eye (as the
+saying is)&mdash;seemed yet to Mrs. Wilbur a sufficient objection<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxv" id="Page_lxv">[Pg lxv]</a></span>
+to the engraving of the aforesaid painting. We
+read of many who either absolutely refused to allow the
+copying of their features, as especially did Plotinus and
+Agesilaus among the ancients, not to mention the more
+modern instances of Scioppius Pal&aelig;ottus, Pinellus,
+Velserus, Gataker, and others, or were indifferent
+thereto, as Cromwell.</p>
+
+<p><span title="b">&#946;</span>. Yet was C&aelig;sar desirous of concealing his baldness.
+<i>Per contra</i>, my Lord Protector's carefulness in the
+matter of his wart might be cited. Men generally
+more desirous of being <i>improved</i> in their portraits than
+characters. Shall probably find very unflattered likenesses
+of ourselves in Recording Angel's gallery.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p><span title="g">&#947;</span>. Whether any of our national peculiarities may be
+traced to our use of stoves, as a certain closeness of the
+lips in pronunciation, and a smothered smoulderingness
+of disposition, seldom roused to open flame? An unrestrained
+intercourse with fire probably conducive to
+generosity and hospitality of soul. Ancient Mexicans
+used stoves, as the friar Augustin Ruiz reports, Hakluyt,
+III., 468,&mdash;but Popish priests not always reliable
+authority.</p>
+
+<p>To-day picked my Isabella grapes. Crop injured by
+attacks of rose-bug in the spring. Whether Noah was
+justifiable in preserving this class of insects?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxvi" id="Page_lxvi">[Pg lxvi]</a></span></p>
+
+<p><span title="d">&#948;</span>. Concerning Mr. Biglow's pedigree. Tolerably certain
+that there was never a poet among his ancestors.
+An ordination hymn attributed to a maternal uncle,
+but perhaps a sort of production not demanding the
+creative faculty.</p>
+
+<p>His grandfather a painter of the grandiose or Michael
+Angelo school. Seldom painted objects smaller than
+houses or barns, and these with uncommon expression.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p><span title="e">&#949;</span>. Of the Wilburs no complete pedigree. The crest
+said to be a <i>wild boar</i>, whence, perhaps, the name. (?)
+A connection with the Earls of Wilbraham (<i>quasi</i> wild
+boar ham) might be made out. This suggestion worth
+following up. In 1677, John W. m. Expect &mdash;&mdash;, had
+issue, 1. John, 2. Haggai, 3. Expect, 4. Ruhamah,
+5. Desire.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Hear lyes y<sup>e</sup> bodye of Mrs Expect Wilber,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Y<sup>e</sup> crewell salvages they kil'd her<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Together w<sup>th</sup> other Christian soles eleaven,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">October y<sup>e</sup> ix daye, 1707.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Y<sup>e</sup> stream of Jordan sh' as crost ore<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And now expeacts me on y<sup>e</sup> other shore:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I live in hope her soon to join;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Her earthlye yeeres were forty and nine."<br /></span>
+<span class="i4"><i>From Gravestone in Pekussett, North Parish.</i><br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>This is unquestionably the same John who afterward
+(1711) married Tabitha Hagg or Rag.</p>
+
+<p>But if this were the case, she seems to have died<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxvii" id="Page_lxvii">[Pg lxvii]</a></span>
+early; for only three years after, namely, 1714, we
+have evidence that he married Winifred, daughter of
+Lieutenant Tipping.</p>
+
+<p>He seems to have been a man of substance, for we
+find him in 1696 conveying "one undivided eightieth
+part of a salt-meadow" in Yabbok, and he commanded
+a sloop in 1702.</p>
+
+<p>Those who doubt the importance of genealogical
+studies <i>fuste potius quam argumento erudiendi</i>.</p>
+
+<p>I trace him as far as 1723, and there lose him. In
+that year he was chosen selectman.</p>
+
+<p>No gravestone. Perhaps overthrown when new
+hearse-house was built, 1802.</p>
+
+<p>He was probably the son of John, who came from
+Bilham Comit. Salop. circa 1642.</p>
+
+<p>This first John was a man of considerable importance,
+being twice mentioned with the honourable prefix of
+<i>Mr.</i> in the town records. Name spelt with two <i>l</i>-s.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Hear lyeth y<sup>e</sup> bod [<i>stone unhappily broken</i>.]<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Mr. Ihon Willber [Esq.] [<i>I inclose this in brackets as doubtful. To me it seems clear.</i>]<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ob't die [<i>illegible; looks like xviii.</i>] ... iii [<i>prob. 1693.</i>]<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... paynt<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... deseased seinte:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A friend and [fath]er untoe all y<sup>e</sup> opreast,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Hee gave y<sup>e</sup> wicked familists noe reast,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">When Sat[an bl]ewe his Antinomian blaste,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wee clong to [Willber as a steadf]ast maste.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">[A]gaynst y<sup>e</sup> horrid Qua[kers]...."<br /></span>
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_lxviii" id="Page_lxviii">[Pg lxviii]</a></span></div></div>
+
+<p>It is greatly to be lamented that this curious epitaph
+is mutilated. It is said that the sacrilegious British
+soldiers made a target of this stone during the war of
+Independence. How odious an animosity which pauses
+not at the grave! How brutal that which spares not
+the monuments of authentic history! This is not improbably
+from the pen of Rev. Moddy Pyram, who is
+mentioned by Hubbard as having been noted for a
+silver vein of poetry. If his papers be still extant, a
+copy might possibly be recovered.</p>
+
+
+<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_3_3"><span class="label">[3]</span></a> The reader curious in such matters may refer (if he can find them)
+to "A Sermon preached on the Anniversary of the Dark Day," "An
+Artillery Election Sermon," "A Discourse on the Late Eclipse," "Dorcas,
+a Funeral Sermon on the Death of Madam Submit Tidd, Relict of the late
+Experience Tidd, Esq." &amp;c. &amp;c.</p></div>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+<h1 style="margin-bottom: 2em;">THE BIGLOW PAPERS.</h1>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a name="No_I" id="No_I"></a>No. I.</h2>
+
+<h3>A LETTER</h3>
+
+<div class="hdtt"><p>FROM MR. EZEKIEL BIGLOW OF JAALAM TO THE HON. JOSEPH
+T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, INCLOSING
+A POEM OF HIS SON, MR. HOSEA BIGLOW.</p></div>
+
+
+<p class="date2">
+<span class="smcap">Jaylem</span>, june 1846.
+</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mister Eddyter</span>:&mdash;Our Hosea wuz down to Boston
+last week, and he see a cruetin Sarjunt a struttin
+round as popler as a hen with 1 chicking, with 2
+fellers a drummin and fifin arter him like all nater.
+the sarjunt he thout Hosea hedn't gut his i teeth cut
+cos he looked a kindo's though he'd jest com down, so
+he cal'lated to hook him in, but Hosy woodn't take
+none o' his sarse for all he hed much as 20 Rooster's
+tales stuck onto his hat and eenamost enuf brass a
+bobbin up and down on his shoulders and figureed
+onto his coat and trousis, let alone wut nater hed sot
+in his featers, to make a 6 pounder out on.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>wal, Hosea he com home considerabal riled, and
+arter I d gone to bed I heern Him a thrashin round
+like a short-tailed Bull in fli-time. The old Woman
+ses she to me ses she, Zekle, ses she, our Hosee's gut
+the chollery or suthin anuther ses she, don't you Bee
+skeered, ses I, he's oney amakin pottery<a name="FNanchor_4_4" id="FNanchor_4_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a> ses i, he's
+ollers on hand at that ere busynes like Da &amp; martin,
+and shure enuf, cum mornin, Hosy he cum down stares
+full chizzle, hare on eend and cote tales flyin, and sot
+rite of to go reed his varses to Parson Wilbur bein
+he haint aney grate shows o' book larnin himself,
+bimeby he cum back and sed the parson wuz dreffle
+tickled with 'em as i hoop you will Be, and said they
+wuz True grit.</p>
+
+<p>Hosea ses taint hardly fair to call 'em hisn now,
+cos the parson kind o' slicked off sum o' the last varses,
+but he told Hosee he didn't want to put his ore in to
+tetch to the Rest on 'em, bein they wuz verry well
+As thay wuz, and then Hosy ses he sed suthin a nuther
+about Simplex Mundishes or sum sech feller, but I
+guess Hosea kind o' didn't hear him, for I never hearn
+o' nobody o' that name in this villadge, and I've lived
+here man and boy 76 year cum next tater diggin, and
+thair aint no wheres a kitting spryer 'n I be.</p>
+
+<p>If you print 'em I wish you'd jest let folks know<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span>
+who hosy's father is, cos my ant Keziah used to say it's
+nater to be curus ses she, she aint livin though and
+he's a likely kind o' lad.</p>
+
+<p class="author">EZEKIEL BIGLOW.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<div class="cpoem25"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Thrash away, you 'll <i>hev</i> to rattle<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">On them kittle drums o' yourn,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'Taint a knowin' kind o' cattle<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Thet is ketched with mouldy corn;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Put in stiff, you fifer feller,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Let folks see how spry you be,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Guess you 'll toot till you are yeller<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">'Fore you git ahold o' me!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Thet air flag 's a leetle rotten,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Hope it aint your Sunday's best;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fact! it takes a sight o' cotton<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To stuff out a soger's chest:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sence we farmers hev to pay fer 't,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Ef you must wear humps like these,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sposin' you should try salt hay fer 't,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">It would du ez slick ez grease.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">'T would n't suit them Southern fellers,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">They 're a dreffle graspin' set,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We must ollers blow the bellers<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Wen they want their irons het;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">May be it 's all right ez preachin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">But <i>my</i> narves it kind o' grates,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen I see the overreachin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">O' them nigger-drivin' States.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Them thet rule us, them slave-traders,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Haint they cut a thunderin' swarth<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(Helped by Yankee renegaders),<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Thru the vartu o' the North!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We begin to think it 's nater<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To take sarse an' not be riled;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Who 'd expect to see a tater<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">All on eend at bein' biled?<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Ez fer war, I call it murder,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">There you hev it plain an' flat;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I don't want to go no furder<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Than my Testyment fer that;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">God hez sed so plump an' fairly,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">It 's ez long ez it is broad,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' you 've gut to git up airly<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Ef you want to take in God.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">'Taint your eppyletts an' feathers<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Make the thing a grain more right;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Taint afollerin' your bell-wethers<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Will excuse ye in His sight;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef you take a sword an' dror it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' go stick a feller thru,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Guv'ment aint to answer for it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">God 'll send the bill to you.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Wut 's the use o' meetin-goin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Every Sabbath, wet or dry,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef it 's right to go amowin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Feller-men like oats an' rye?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I dunno but wut it's pooty<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Trainin' round in bobtail coats,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But it 's curus Christian dooty<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">This ere cuttin' folks's throats.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">They may talk o' Freedom's airy<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Tell they 're pupple in the face,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It 's a grand gret cemetary<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Fer the barthrights of our race;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They jest want this Californy<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">So 's to lug new slave-states in<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To abuse ye, an' to scorn ye,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' to plunder ye like sin.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Aint it cute to see a Yankee<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Take sech everlastin' pains<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">All to git the Devil's thankee,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Helpin' on 'em weld their chains?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wy, it 's jest ez clear ez figgers,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Clear ez one an' one make two,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Chaps thet make black slaves o' niggers<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Want to make wite slaves o' you.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Tell ye jest the eend I've come to<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Arter cipherin' plaguy smart,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' it makes a handy sum, tu,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Any gump could larn by heart;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Laborin' man an' laborin' woman<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Hev one glory an' one shame,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ev'y thin' thet 's done inhuman<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Injers all on 'em the same.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">'Taint by turnin' out to hack folks<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">You 're agoin' to git your right,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nor by lookin' down on black folks<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Coz you 're put upon by wite;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Slavery aint o' nary colour,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">'Taint the hide thet makes it wus,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">All it keers fer in a feller<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">'S jest to make him fill its pus.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Want to tackle <i>me</i> in, du ye?<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I expect you 'll hev to wait;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen cold lead puts daylight thru ye<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">You 'll begin to kal'late;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'Spose the crows wun't fall to pickin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">All the carkiss from your bones,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Coz you helped to give a lickin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To them poor half-Spanish drones?<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Jest go home an' ask our Nancy<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Wether I'd be sech a goose<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ez to jine ye,&mdash;guess you'd fancy<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The etarnal bung wuz loose!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">She wants me fer home consumption,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Let alone the hay 's to mow,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef you 're arter folks o' gumption,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">You've a darned long row to hoe.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Take them editors thet 's crowin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Like a cockerel three months old,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Don't ketch any on 'em goin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Though they <i>be</i> so blasted bold;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0"><i>Aint</i> they a prime set o' fellers?<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">'Fore they think on 't they will sprout<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(Like a peach thet's got the yellers),<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">With the meanness bustin' out.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Wal, go 'long to help 'em stealin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Bigger pens to cram with slaves,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Help the men thet 's ollers dealin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Insults on your fathers' graves;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Help the strong to grind the feeble,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Help the many agin the few,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Help the men thet call your people<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Witewashed slaves an' peddlin' crew!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Massachusetts, God forgive her,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">She's akneelin' with the rest,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">She, thet ough' to ha' clung fer ever<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In her grand old eagle-nest;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">She thet ough' to stand so fearless<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Wile the wracks are round her hurled,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Holdin' up a beacon peerless<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To the oppressed of all the world!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Haint they sold your coloured seamen?<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Haint they made your env'ys wiz?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0"><i>Wut</i> 'll make ye act like freemen?<br /></span>
+<span class="i2"><i>Wut</i> 'll git your dander riz?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Come, I'll tell ye wut I 'm thinkin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Is our dooty in this fix,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They 'd ha' done 't ez quick ez winkin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In the days o' seventy-six.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Clang the bells in every steeple,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Call all true men to disown<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The tradoocers of our people,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The enslavers o' their own;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Let our dear old Bay State proudly<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Put the trumpet to her mouth,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Let her ring this messidge loudly<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In the ears of all the South:&mdash;<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"I 'll return ye good fer evil<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Much ez we frail mortils can,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But I wun't go help the Devil<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Makin' man the cus o' man;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Call me coward, call me traiter,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Jest ez suits your mean idees,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Here I stand a tyrant-hater,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' the friend o' God an Peace!"<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Ef I'd <i>my</i> way I hed ruther<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">We should go to work an' part,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They take one way, we take t'other,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Guess it would n't break my heart;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Men hed ough' to put asunder<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Them thet God has noways jined;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' I should n't gretly wonder<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Ef there 's thousands o' my mind.<br /></span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[The first recruiting sergeant on record I conceive to have
+been that individual who is mentioned in the Book of Job as
+<i>going to and fro in the earth, and walking up and down in it</i>.
+Bishop Latimer will have him to have been a bishop, but to
+me that other calling would appear more congenial. The sect
+of Cainites is not yet extinct, who esteemed the first-born of
+Adam to be the most worthy, not only because of that privilege
+of primogeniture, but inasmuch as he was able to overcome
+and slay his younger brother. That was a wise saying of the
+famous Marquis Pescara to the Papal Legate, that <i>it was impossible
+for men to serve Mars and Christ at the same time</i>.
+Yet in time past the profession of arms was judged to be <span title="kat' exoch&ecirc;n">&#954;&#945;&#964;' &#7952;&#958;&#959;&#967;&#8053;&#957;</span>
+that of a gentleman, nor does this opinion want for
+strenuous upholders even in our day. Must we suppose, then,
+that the profession of Christianity was only intended for losels,
+or, at best, to afford an opening for plebeian ambition? Or
+shall we hold with that nicely metaphysical Pomeranian,
+Captain Vratz, who was Count K&ouml;nigsmark's chief instrument
+in the murder of Mr. Thynne, that the scheme of salvation
+has been arranged with an especial eye to the necessities of the
+upper classes, and that "God would consider <i>a gentleman</i>, and
+deal with him suitably to the condition and profession he had
+placed him in"? It may be said of us all, <i>Exemplo plus quam
+ratione vivimus</i>.&mdash;H. W.]</p></div>
+
+
+<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_4_4"><span class="label">[4]</span></a> <i>Aut insanit, aut versus facit.</i>&mdash;H. W.</p></div>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="No_II" id="No_II"></a>No. II.</h2>
+
+<h3>A LETTER</h3>
+
+<p class="hdtt">FROM MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE HON. J. T. BUCKINGHAM,
+EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, COVERING A LETTER FROM
+MR. B. SAWIN, PRIVATE IN THE MASSACHUSETTS REGIMENT.</p>
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[This letter of Mr. Sawin's was not originally written in
+verse. Mr. Biglow, thinking it peculiarly susceptible of
+metrical adornment, translated it, so to speak, into his own
+vernacular tongue. This is not the time to consider the
+question, whether rhyme be a mode of expression natural to
+the human race. If leisure from other and more important
+avocations be granted, I will handle the matter more at large
+in an appendix to the present volume. In this place I will
+barely remark, that I have sometimes noticed in the unlanguaged
+prattlings of infants a fondness for alliteration,
+assonance, and even rhyme, in which natural predisposition we
+may trace the three degrees through which our Anglo-Saxon
+verse rose to its culmination in the poetry of Pope. I would
+not be understood as questioning in these remarks that pious
+theory which supposes that children, if left entirely to themselves,
+would naturally discourse in Hebrew. For this the
+authority of one experiment is claimed, and I could, with Sir
+Thomas Browne, desire its establishment, inasmuch as the
+acquirement of that sacred tongue would thereby be facilitated.
+I am aware that Herodotus states the conclusion of Psammiticus
+to have been in favour of a dialect of the Phrygian.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span>
+But, beside the chance that a trial of this importance would
+hardly be blessed to a Pagan monarch whose only motive was
+curiosity, we have on the Hebrew side the comparatively
+recent investigation of James the Fourth of Scotland. I will
+add to this prefatory remark, that Mr. Sawin, though a native
+of Jaalam, has never been a stated attendant on the religious
+exercises of my congregation. I consider my humble efforts
+prospered in that not one of my sheep hath ever indued the
+wolf's clothing of war, save for the comparatively innocent
+diversion of a militia training. Not that my flock are backward
+to undergo the hardships of <i>defensive</i> warfare. They serve
+cheerfully in the great army which fights even unto death <i>pro
+aris et focis</i>, accoutred with the spade, the axe, the plane, the
+sledge, the spelling-book, and other such effectual weapons
+against want and ignorance and unthrift. I have taught them
+(under God) to esteem our human institutions as but tents of
+a night, to be stricken whenever Truth puts the bugle to her
+lips, and sounds a march to the heights of wider-viewed intelligence
+and more perfect organization.&mdash;H. W.]</p></div>
+
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mister Buckinum</span>, the follerin Billet was writ hum
+by a Yung feller of our town that wuz cussed fool
+enuff to goe atrottin inter Miss Chiff arter a Drum
+and fife. it ain't Nater for a feller to let on that he's
+sick o' any bizness that He went intu off his own free
+will and a Cord, but I rather cal'late he's middlin tired
+o' Voluntearin By this Time. I bleeve u may put dependunts
+on his statemence. For I never heered nothin
+bad on him let Alone his havin what Parson Wilbur
+calls a <i>pongshong</i> for cocktales, and he ses it wuz a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span>
+soshiashun of idees sot him agoin arter the Crootin
+Sargient cos he wore a cocktale onto his hat.</p>
+
+<p>his Folks gin the letter to me and i shew it to parson
+Wilbur and he ses it oughter Bee printed. send It to
+mister Buckinum, ses he, i don't ollers agree with him,
+ses he, but by Time,<a name="FNanchor_5_5" id="FNanchor_5_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_5_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a> ses he, I <i>du</i> like a feller that ain't
+a Feared.</p>
+
+<p>I have intusspussed a Few refleckshuns hear and
+thair. We're kind o' prest with Hayin.</p>
+
+<p class="sign1">Ewers respecfly,<br />
+HOSEA BIGLOW.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<div class="cpoem40"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">This kind o' sogerin' aint a mite like our October trainin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A chap could clear right out from there ef 't only looked like rainin'.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' th' Cunnles, tu, could kiver up their shappoes with bandanners,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">An' send the insines skootin' to the bar-room with their banners<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(Fear o' gittin' on 'em spotted), an' a feller could cry quarter<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef he fired away his ramrod arter tu much rum an' water.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Recollect wut fun we hed, you 'n I an' Ezry Hollis,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Up there to Waltham plain last fall, ahavin' the Cornwallis?<a name="FNanchor_6_6" id="FNanchor_6_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_6_6" class="fnanchor">[6]</a><br /></span>
+<span class="i0">This sort o' thing aint <i>jest</i> like thet,&mdash;I wish thet I wuz furder,&mdash;<a name="FNanchor_7_7" id="FNanchor_7_7"></a><a href="#Footnote_7_7" class="fnanchor">[7]</a><br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nimepunce a day fer killin' folks comes kind o' low fer murder<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(Wy I 've worked out to slarterin' some fer Deacon Cephas Billins,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' in the hardest times there wuz I ollers tetched ten shillins),<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There's sutthin' gits into my throat thet makes it hard to swaller,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It comes so nateral to think about a hempen collar;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It 's glory,&mdash;but, in spite o' all my tryin' to git callous,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I feel a kind o' in a cart, aridin' to the gallus.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But wen it comes to <i>bein'</i> killed,&mdash;I tell ye I felt streaked<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">The fust time ever I found out wy baggonets wuz peaked;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Here's how it wuz: I started out to go to a fandango,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The sentinul he ups an' sez, "Thet 's furder 'an you can go."<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"None o' your sarse," sez I; sez he, "Stan' back!" "Aint you a buster?"<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sez I, "I 'm up to all thet air, I guess I've ben to muster;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I know wy sentinuls air sot; you aint agoin' to eat us;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Caleb haint no monopoly to court the seenoreetas;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">My folks to hum air full ez good ez hisn be, by golly!"<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' so ez I wuz goin' by, not thinkin' wut would folly,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The everlastin' cus he stuck his one-pronged pitchfork in me<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' made a hole right thru my close ez ef I wuz an in'my.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wal, it beats all how big I felt hoorawin' in ole Funnel<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen Mister Bolles he gin the sword to our Leftenant Cunnle<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(It 's Mister Secondary Bolles,<a name="FNanchor_8_8" id="FNanchor_8_8"></a><a href="#Footnote_8_8" class="fnanchor">[8]</a> thet writ the prize peace essay;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet 's wy he did n't list himself along o us, I dessay),<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' Rantoul, tu, talked pooty loud, but don't put <i>his</i> foot in it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Coz human life 's so sacred thet he 's principled agin' it,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Though I myself can 't rightly see it 's any wus achokin' on 'em<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Than puttin' bullets thru their lights, or with a bagnet pokin' on 'em;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">How dreffle slick he reeled it off (like Blitz at our lyceum<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ahaulin' ribbins from his chops so quick you skeercely see 'em),<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">About the Anglo-Saxon race (an' saxons would be handy<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To du the buryin' down here upon the Rio Grandy),<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">About our patriotic pas an' our star-spangled banner,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Our country's bird alookin' on an' singin' out hosanner,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' how he (Mister B. himself) wuz happy fer Ameriky,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I felt, ez sister Patience sez, a leetle mite histericky.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I felt, I swon, ez though it wuz a dreffle kind o' privilege<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Atrampin' round thru Boston streets among the gutter's drivelage;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">I act'lly thought it wuz a treat to hear a little drummin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' it did bonyfidy seem millanyum wuz acomin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen all on us got suits (darned like them wore in the state prison)<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' every feller felt ez though all Mexico wuz hisn.<a name="FNanchor_9_9" id="FNanchor_9_9"></a><a href="#Footnote_9_9" class="fnanchor">[9]</a><br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">This 'ere 's about the meanest place a skunk could wal diskiver<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(Saltillo 's Mexican, I b'lieve, fer wut we call Saltriver).<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The sort o' trash a feller gits to eat doos beat all nater,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'd give a year's pay fer a smell o' one good bluenose tater;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The country here thet Mister Bolles declared to be so charmin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Throughout is swarmin' with the most alarmin' kind o' varmin'.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He talked about delishis froots, but then it wuz a wopper all,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The holl on't 's mud an' prickly pears, with here an' there a chapparal;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">You see a feller peekin' out, an', fust you know, a lariat<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Is round your throat an' you a copse, 'fore you can say, "Wut air ye at?"<a name="FNanchor_10_10" id="FNanchor_10_10"></a><a href="#Footnote_10_10" class="fnanchor">[10]</a><br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You never see sech darned gret bugs (it may not be irrelevant<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To say I 've seen a <i>scarab&aelig;us pilularius</i><a name="FNanchor_11_11" id="FNanchor_11_11"></a><a href="#Footnote_11_11" class="fnanchor">[11]</a> big ez a year old elephant),<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The rigiment come up one day in time to stop a red bug<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">From runnin' off with Cunnle Wright,&mdash;'t wuz jest a common <i>cimex lectularius</i>.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">One night I started up on eend an' thought I wuz to hum agin,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I heern a horn, thinks I it 's Sol the fisherman hez come agin,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0"><i>His</i> bellowses is sound enough,&mdash;ez I 'm a livin' creeter,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I felt a thing go thru my leg,&mdash;'t wuz nothin' more 'n a skeeter!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then there 's the yaller fever, tu, they call it here el vomito,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(Come, thet wun't du, you landcrab there, I tell ye to le' <i>go</i> my toe!<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">My gracious! it 's a scorpion thet 's took a shine to play with 't,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I dars n't skeer the tarnal thing fer fear he 'd run away with 't.)<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Afore I come away from hum I hed a strong persuasion<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet Mexicans worn't human beans,<a name="FNanchor_12_12" id="FNanchor_12_12"></a><a href="#Footnote_12_12" class="fnanchor">[12]</a>&mdash;an ourang outang nation,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A sort o' folks a chap could kill an' never dream on 't arter,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">No more 'n a feller 'd dream o' pigs thet he hed hed to slarter;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'd an idee thet they were built arter the darkie fashion all,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' kickin' coloured folks about, you know, 's a kind o' national;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But wen I jined I worn't so wise ez thet air queen o' Sheby,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer, come to look at 'em, they aint much diff'rent from wut we be,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' here we air ascrougin' 'em out o' thir own dominions,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ashelterin' 'em, ez Caleb sez, under our eagle's pinions,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wich means to take a feller up jest by the slack o' 's trowsis<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">An' walk him Spanish clean right out o' all his homes an' houses;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wal, it doos seem a curus way, but then hooraw fer Jackson!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It must be right, fer Caleb sez it 's reg'lar Anglosaxon.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The Mex'cans don't fight fair, they say, they piz'n all the water,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' du amazin' lots o' things thet is n't wut they ough' to;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Bein' they haint no lead, they make their bullets out o' copper<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' shoot the darned things at us, tu, wich Caleb sez aint proper;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He sez they 'd ough' to stan' right up an' let us pop 'em fairly<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(Guess wen he ketches 'em at thet he 'll hev to git up airly),<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet our nation 's bigger 'n theirn an' so its rights air bigger,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' thet it 's all to make 'em free thet we air pullin' trigger,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet Anglo Saxondom's idee 's abreakin' 'em to pieces,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' thet idee 's thet every man doos jest wut he damn pleases;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef I don't make his meanin' clear, perhaps in some respex I can,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">I know thet "every man" don't mean a nigger or a Mexican;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' there 's another thing I know, an' thet is, ef these creeturs,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet stick an Anglosaxon mask onto State-prison feeturs,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Should come to Jaalam Centre fer to argify an' spout on 't,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The gals 'ould count the silver spoons the minnit they cleared out on 't.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">This goin' ware glory waits ye haint one agreeable feetur,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' ef it worn't fer wakin' snakes, I 'd home agin short meter;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O, would n't I be off, quick time, ef 't worn't thet I wuz sartin<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They 'd let the daylight into me to pay me fer desartin!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I don't approve o' tellin' tales, but jest to you I may state<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Our ossifers aint wut they wuz afore they left the Bay-state;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then it wuz "Mister Sawin, sir, you 're middlin' well now, be ye?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Step up an' take a nipper, sir; I 'm dreffle glad to see ye;"<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">But now it 's "Ware 's my eppylet? here, Sawin, step an' fetch it!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' mind your eye, be thund'rin' spry, or, damn ye, you shall ketch it!"<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wal, ez the Doctor sez, some pork will bile so, but by mighty,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef I hed some on 'em to hum, I 'd give 'em linkum vity,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'd play the rogue's march on their hides an' other music follerin'&mdash;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But I must close my letter here, for one on 'em 's ahollerin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">These Anglosaxon ossifers,&mdash;wal, taint no use ajawin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'm safe enlisted fer the war,<br /></span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+
+<p class="sign1">Yourn,<br />
+BIRDOFREDOM SAWIN.</p>
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[Those have not been wanting (as, indeed, when hath Satan
+been to seek for attorneys?) who have maintained that our
+late inroad upon Mexico was undertaken, not so much for the
+avenging of any national quarrel, as for the spreading of free
+institutions and of Protestantism. <i>Capita vix duabus Anticyris
+medenda!</i> Verily I admire that no pious sergeant among
+these new Crusaders beheld Martin Luther riding at the front
+of the host upon a tamed pontifical bull, as, in that former invasion
+of Mexico, the zealous Diaz (spawn though he were of
+the Scarlet Woman) was favoured with a vision of St. James
+of Compostella, skewering the infidels upon his apostolical<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span>
+lance. We read, also, that Richard of the lion heart, having
+gone to Palestine on a similar errand of mercy, was divinely
+encouraged to cut the throats of such Paynims as refused to
+swallow the bread of life (doubtless that they might be thereafter
+incapacitated for swallowing the filthy gobbets of Mahound)
+by angels of heaven, who cried to the king and his
+knights,&mdash;<i>Seigneurs, tuez! tuez!</i> providentially using the
+French tongue, as being the only one understood by their
+auditors. This would argue for the pantoglottism of these
+celestial intelligences, while, on the other hand, the Devil,
+<i>teste</i> Cotton Mather, is unversed in certain of the Indian
+dialects. Yet must he be a semeiologist the most expert,
+making himself intelligible to every people and kindred by
+signs; no other discourse, indeed, being needful, than such as
+the mackerel-fisher holds with his finned quarry, who, if other
+bait be wanting, can by a bare bit of white rag at the end of
+a string captivate those foolish fishes. Such piscatorial
+oratory is Satan cunning in. Before one he trails a hat and
+feather, or a bare feather without a hat; before another, a
+Presidential chair, or a tidewaiter's stool, or a pulpit in the
+city, no matter what. To us, dangling there over our heads,
+they seem junkets dropped out of the seventh heaven, sops
+dipped in nectar, but, once in our mouths, they are all one,
+bits of fuzzy cotton.</p>
+
+<p>This, however, by the way. It is time now <i>revocare gradum</i>.
+While so many miracles of this sort, vouched by eye-witnesses,
+have encouraged the arms of Papists, not to speak of those
+<i>Dioscuri</i> (whom we must conclude imps of the pit) who sundry
+times captained the pagan Roman soldiery, it is strange that
+our first American crusade was not in some such wise also
+signalized. Yet it is said that the Lord hath manifestly prospered
+our armies. This opens the question, whether, when
+our hands are strengthened to make great slaughter of our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>
+enemies, it be absolutely and demonstratively certain that this
+might is added to us from above, or whether some Potentate
+from an opposite quarter may not have a finger in it, as there
+are few pies into which his meddling digits are not thrust.
+Would the Sanctifier and Setter-apart of the seventh day have
+assisted in a victory gained on the Sabbath, as was one in the
+late war? Or has that day become less an object of his especial
+care since the year 1697, when so manifest a providence
+occurred to Mr. William Trowbridge, in answer to whose
+prayers, when he and all on shipboard with him were starving,
+a dolphin was sent daily, "which was enough to serve
+'em; only on <i>Saturdays</i> they still catched a couple, and on the
+<i>Lord's Days</i> they could catch none at all"? Haply they might
+have been permitted, by way of mortification, to take some few
+sculpins (those banes of the salt-water angler), which unseemly
+fish would, moreover, have conveyed to them a symbolical reproof
+for their breach of the day, being known in the rude
+dialect of our mariners as <i>Cape Cod Clergymen</i>.</p>
+
+<p>It has been a refreshment to many nice consciences to know
+that our Chief Magistrate would not regard with eyes of approval
+the (by many esteemed) sinful pastime of dancing, and
+I own myself to be so far of that mind, that I could not but
+set my face against this Mexican Polka, though danced to the
+Presidential piping with a Gubernatorial second. If ever the
+country should be seized with another such mania <i>de propagand&acirc;
+fide</i>, I think it would be wise to fill our bombshells with
+alternate copies of the Cambridge Platform and the Thirty-nine
+Articles, which would produce a mixture of the highest
+explosive power, and to wrap every one of our cannon-balls in
+a leaf of the New Testament, the reading of which is denied
+to those who sit in the darkness of Popery. Those iron evangelists
+would thus be able to disseminate vital religion and
+Gospel truth in quarters inaccessible to the ordinary missionary.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span>
+I have seen lads, unimpregnate with the more sublimated
+punctiliousness of Walton, secure pickerel, taking
+their unwary <i>siesta</i> beneath the lily-pads too nigh the surface,
+with a gun and small shot. Why not, then, since gunpowder
+was unknown to the apostles (not to enter here upon the
+question whether it were discovered before that period by the
+Chinese), suit our metaphor to the age in which we live, and
+say <i>shooters</i> as well as <i>fishers</i> of men?</p>
+
+<p>I do much fear that we shall be seized now and then with a
+Protestant fervour, as long as we have neighbour Naboths whose
+wallowings in Papistical mire excite our horror in exact proportion
+to the size and desirableness of their vineyards. Yet
+I rejoice that some earnest Protestants have been made by this
+war,&mdash;I mean those who protested against it. Fewer they
+were than I could wish, for one might imagine America to
+have been colonized by a tribe of those nondescript African
+animals the Aye-Ayes, so difficult a word is <i>No</i> to us all.
+There is some malformation or defect of the vocal organs,
+which either prevents our uttering it at all, or gives it so thick
+a pronunciation as to be unintelligible. A mouth filled with
+the national pudding, or watering in expectation thereof, is
+wholly incompetent to this refractory monosyllable. An abject
+and herpetic Public Opinion is the Pope, the Anti-Christ, for
+us to protest against <i>e corde cordium</i>. And by what College
+of Cardinals is this our God's-vicar, our binder and looser,
+elected? Very like, by the sacred conclave of Tag, Rag, and
+Bobtail, the gracious atmosphere of the grog-shop. Yet it
+is of this that we must all be puppets. This thumps the
+pulpit-cushion, this guides the editor's pen, this wags the
+senator's tongue. This decides what Scriptures are canonical,
+and shuffles Christ away into the Apocrypha. According to
+that sentence fathered upon Solon, <span title="Hout&ocirc; d&ecirc;mosion kakon erchetai oikad' hekast&ocirc;">&#927;&#8021;&#964;&#969; &#948;&#951;&#956;&#8057;&#963;&#953;&#959;&#957; &#954;&#945;&#954;&#8056;&#957; &#7956;&#961;&#967;&#949;&#964;&#945;&#953; &#959;&#7988;&#954;&#945;&#948;' &#7953;&#954;&#8049;&#963;&#964;&#8179;</span>.
+This unclean spirit is skilful to assume<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span>
+various shapes. I have known it to enter my own study and
+nudge my elbow of a Saturday, under the semblance of a
+wealthy member of my congregation. It were a great blessing,
+if every particular of what in the sum we call popular
+sentiment could carry about the name of its manufacturer
+stamped legibly upon it. I gave a stab under the fifth rib to
+that pestilent fallacy,&mdash;"Our country, right or wrong,"&mdash;by
+tracing its original to a speech of Ensign Cilley at a dinner of
+the Bungtown Fencibles.&mdash;H. W.]</p></div>
+
+
+<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_5_5" id="Footnote_5_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_5_5"><span class="label">[5]</span></a> In relation to this expression, I cannot but think that Mr. Biglow has
+been too hasty in attributing it to me. Though Time be a comparatively
+innocent personage to swear by, and though Longinus in his discourse
+<span title="Peri Hypsous">&#928;&#949;&#961;&#953; &#8029;&#968;&#959;&#965;&#962;</span> has commended timely oaths as not only a useful but sublime
+figure of speech, yet I have always kept my lips free from that abomination.
+<i>Odi profanum vulgus</i>, I hate your swearing and hectoring fellows.&mdash;H. W.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_6_6" id="Footnote_6_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_6_6"><span class="label">[6]</span></a> i hait the Site of a feller with a muskit as I du pizn But their <i>is</i> fun
+to a cornwallis I aint agoin' to deny it.&mdash;H. B.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_7_7" id="Footnote_7_7"></a><a href="#FNanchor_7_7"><span class="label">[7]</span></a> he means Not quite so fur i guess.&mdash;H. B.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_8_8" id="Footnote_8_8"></a><a href="#FNanchor_8_8"><span class="label">[8]</span></a> the ignerant creeter means Sekketary; but he ollers stuck to his
+books like cobbler's wax to an ile-stone.&mdash;H. B.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_9_9" id="Footnote_9_9"></a><a href="#FNanchor_9_9"><span class="label">[9]</span></a> it must be aloud that thare 's a streak o' nater in lovin' sho, but it
+sartinly is 1 of the curusest things in nater to see a rispecktable dri goods
+dealer (deekon off a chutch mayby) a riggin' himself out in the Weigh
+they du and struttin' round in the Reign aspilin' his trowsis and makin'
+wet goods of himself. Ef any thin 's foolisher and moor dicklus than
+militerry gloary it is milishy gloary.&mdash;H. B.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_10_10" id="Footnote_10_10"></a><a href="#FNanchor_10_10"><span class="label">[10]</span></a> these fellers are verry proppilly called Rank Heroes, and the more tha
+kill the ranker and more Herowick tha bekum.&mdash;H. B.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_11_11" id="Footnote_11_11"></a><a href="#FNanchor_11_11"><span class="label">[11]</span></a> it wuz "tumblebug" as he Writ it, but the parson put the Latten
+instid. i sed tother maid better meeter, but he said tha was eddykated
+peepl to Boston and tha would n't stan' it no how. idnow as tha <i>wood</i>
+and idnow <i>as</i> tha wood.&mdash;H. B.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_12_12" id="Footnote_12_12"></a><a href="#FNanchor_12_12"><span class="label">[12]</span></a> he means human beins, that 's wut he means. i spose he kinder
+thought tha wuz human beans ware the Xisle Poles comes from.&mdash;H. B.</p></div>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="No_III" id="No_III"></a>No. III.</h2>
+
+<h3>WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS.</h3>
+
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[A few remarks on the following verses will not be out of
+place. The satire in them was not meant to have any personal,
+but only a general, application. Of the gentleman upon whose
+letter they were intended as a commentary Mr. Biglow had
+never heard, till he saw the letter itself. The position of the
+satirist is oftentimes one which he would not have chosen had
+the election been left to himself. In attacking bad principles,
+he is obliged to select some individual who has made himself
+their exponent, and in whom they are impersonate, to the end
+that what he says may not, through ambiguity, be dissipated
+<i>tenues in auras</i>. For what says Seneca? <i>Longum iter per
+pr&aelig;cepta, breve et efficace per exempla.</i> A bad principle is
+comparatively harmless while it continues to be an abstraction,
+nor can the general mind comprehend it fully till it is printed
+in that large type which all men can read at sight, namely, the
+life and character, the sayings and doings, of particular persons.
+It is one of the cunningest fetches of Satan, that he never exposes
+himself directly to our arrows, but, still dodging behind
+this neighbour or that acquaintance, compels us to wound
+him through them, if at all. He holds our affections as
+hostages, the while he patches up a truce with our conscience.</p>
+
+<p>Meanwhile, let us not forget that the aim of the true satirist
+is not to be severe upon persons, but only upon falsehood: and,
+as Truth and Falsehood start from the same point, and sometimes
+even go along together for a little way, his business is to
+follow the path of the latter after it diverges, and to show her
+floundering in the bog at the end of it. Truth is quite beyond<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>
+the reach of satire. There is so brave a simplicity in her, that
+she can no more be made ridiculous than an oak or a pine.
+The danger of the satirist is, that continual use may deaden
+his sensibility to the force of language. He becomes more and
+more liable to strike harder than he knows or intends. He
+may be careful to put on his boxing-gloves, and yet forget,
+that, the older they grow, the more plainly may the knuckles
+inside be felt. Moreover, in the heat of contest, the eye is
+insensibly drawn to the crown of victory, whose tawdry tinsel
+glitters through that dust of the ring which obscures Truth's
+wreath of simple leaves. I have sometimes thought that my
+young friend, Mr. Biglow, needed a monitory hand laid on his
+arm,&mdash;<i>aliquid sufflaminandus erat</i>. I have never thought it
+good husbandry to water the tender plants of reform with <i>aqua
+fortis</i>, yet, where so much is to do in the beds, he were a sorry
+gardener who should wage a whole day's war with an iron
+scuffle on those ill weeds that make the garden-walks of life
+unsightly, when a sprinkle of Attic salt will wither them up.
+<i>Est ars etiam maledicendi</i>, says Scaliger, and truly it is a hard
+thing to say where the graceful gentleness of the lamb merges
+in downright sheepishness. We may conclude with worthy
+and wise Dr. Fuller, that "one may be a lamb in private
+wrongs, but in hearing general affronts to goodness they are
+asses which are not lions."&mdash;H. W.]</p></div>
+
+<div class="cpoem30"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Guvener B. is a sensible man;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">He stays to his home an' looks arter his folks;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He draws his furrer ez straight ez he can,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' into nobody's tater-patch pokes;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">But John P.<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">My! aint it terrible? Wut shall we du?<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">We can't never choose him, o' course,&mdash;thet 's flat;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Guess we shall hev to come round, (don't you?)<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' go in fer thunder an' guns, an' all that;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Fer John P.<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Gineral C. is a dreffle smart man:<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">He 's ben on all sides thet give places or pelf;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But consistency still wuz a part of his plan,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">He 's ben true to <i>one</i> party,&mdash;an' thet is himself;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">So John P.<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Gineral C. he goes in fer the war;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">He don't vally principle more 'n an old cud;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wut did God make us raytional creeturs fer,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">But glory an' gunpowder, plunder an' blood?<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">So John P.<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">We were gittin' on nicely up here to our village,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">With good old idees o' wut 's right an' wut aint,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' thet eppyletts worn't the best mark of a saint;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">But John P.<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez this kind o' thing 's an exploded idee.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The side of our country must ollers be took,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' Presidunt Polk, you know, <i>he</i> is our country;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' the angel thet writes all our sins in a book<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Puts the <i>debit</i> to him, an' to us the <i>per contry</i>;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">An' John P.<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez this is his view o' the thing to a T.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Parson Wilbur he calls all these argimunts lies;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Sez they 're nothin' on airth but jest <i>fee, faw, fum</i>;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' thet all this big talk of our destinies<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Is half on it ignorance, an' t'other half rum;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">But John P.<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez it aint no sech thing; an', of course, so must we.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Parson Wilbur sez <i>he</i> never heerd in his life<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Thet th' Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' marched round in front of a drum an' a fife,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To git some on 'em office, an' some on 'em votes;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">But John P.<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez they did n't know everythin' down in Judee.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Wal, it 's a marcy we 've gut folks to tell us<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The rights an' the wrongs o' these matters, I vow,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">God sends country lawyers, an' other wise fellers,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To drive the world's team wen it gits in a slough;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Fer John P.<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Robinson he<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez the world 'll go right, ef he hollers out Gee!<br /></span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[The attentive reader will doubtless have perceived in the
+foregoing poem an allusion to that pernicious sentiment,&mdash;"Our
+country, right or wrong." It is an abuse of language to call
+a certain portion of land much more certain personages
+elevated for the time being to high station, our country. I
+would not sever nor loosen a single one of those ties by which
+we are united to the spot of our birth, nor minish by a tittle
+the respect due to the Magistrate. I love our own Bay State
+too well to do the one, and as for the other, I have myself for
+nigh forty years exercised, however unworthily, the function
+of Justice of the Peace, having been called thereto by the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>
+unsolicited kindness of that most excellent man and upright
+patriot, Caleb Strong. <i>Patri&aelig; fumus igne alieno luculentior</i> is
+best qualified with this,&mdash;<i>Ubi libertas, ibi patria</i>. We are inhabitants
+of two worlds, and owe a double, but not a divided,
+allegiance. In virtue of our clay, this little ball of earth exacts
+a certain loyalty of us; while, in our capacity as spirits, we are
+admitted citizens of an invisible and holier fatherland. There
+is a patriotism of the soul whose claim absolves us from our
+other and terrene fealty. Our true country is that ideal realm
+which we represent to ourselves under the names of religion,
+duty, and the like. Our terrestrial organizations are but far-off
+approaches to so fair a model, and all they are verily
+traitors who resist not any attempt to divert them from this
+their original intendment. When, therefore, one would have
+us to fling up our caps and shout with the multitude,&mdash;"<i>Our
+country, however bounded!</i>" he demands of us that we sacrifice
+the larger to the less, the higher to the lower, and that we
+yield to the imaginary claims of a few acres of soil our duty
+and privilege as liegemen of Truth. Our true country is
+bounded on the north and the south, on the east and the west,
+by Justice, and when she oversteps that invisible boundary-line
+by so much as a hair's-breadth, she ceases to be our
+mother, and chooses rather to be looked upon <i>quasi noverca</i>.
+That is a hard choice, when our earthly love of country calls
+upon us to tread one path and our duty points us to another.
+We must make as noble and becoming an election as did
+Penelope between Icarius and Ulysses. Veiling our faces, we
+must take silently the hand of Duty to follow her.</p>
+
+<p>Shortly after the publication of the foregoing poem, there
+appeared some comments upon it in one of the public prints
+which seemed to call for some animadversion. I accordingly
+addressed to Mr. Buckingham, of the <i>Boston Courier</i>, the following
+letter.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span></p>
+
+<p class="date2">"<span class="smcap">Jaalam</span>, November 4, 1847.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>To the Editor of the Courier:</i></p>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">Respected Sir</span>,&mdash;Calling at the post-office this morning,
+our worthy and efficient postmaster offered for my perusal a
+paragraph in the Boston Morning Post of the 3d instant,
+wherein certain effusions of the pastoral muse are attributed
+to the pen of Mr. James Russell Lowell. For ought I know
+or can affirm to the contrary, this Mr. Lowell may be a very
+deserving person and a youth of parts (though I have seen
+verses of his which I could never rightly understand); and if
+he be such, he, I am certain, as well as I, would be free from
+any proclivity to appropriate to himself whatever of credit (or
+discredit) may honestly belong to another. I am confident,
+that, in penning these few lines, I am only forestalling a disclaimer
+from that young gentleman, whose silence hitherto,
+when rumour pointed to himward, has excited in my bosom
+mingled emotions of sorrow and surprise. Well may my
+young parishioner, Mr. Biglow, exclaim with the poet,</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"'Sic vos non vobis' &amp;c.;<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>though, in saying this, I would not convey the impression that
+he is a proficient in the Latin tongue,&mdash;the tongue, I might
+add, of a Horace and a Tully.</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. B. does not employ his pen, I can safely say, for any
+lucre of worldly gain, or to be exalted by the carnal plaudits of
+men, <i>digito monstrari</i>, &amp;c. He does not wait upon Providence
+for mercies, and in his heart mean <i>merces</i>. But I should
+esteem myself as verily deficient in my duty (who am his friend
+and in some unworthy sort his spiritual <i>fidus Achates</i>, &amp;c.), if
+I did not step forward to claim for him whatever measure of
+applause might be assigned to him by the judicious.</p>
+
+<p>"If this were a fitting occasion, I might venture here a brief
+dissertation touching the manner and kind of my young friend's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>
+poetry. But I dubitate whether this abstruser sort of speculation
+(though enlivened by some apposite instances from Aristophanes)
+would sufficiently interest your oppidan readers.
+As regards their satirical tone, and their plainness of speech,
+I will only say, that, in my pastoral experience, I have found
+that the Arch-Enemy loves nothing better than to be treated
+as a religious, moral, and intellectual being, and that there is no
+<i>apage Sathanas</i>! so potent as ridicule. But it is a kind of weapon
+that must have a button of good-nature on the point of it.</p>
+
+<p>"The productions of Mr. B. have been stigmatized in some
+quarters as unpatriotic; but I can vouch that he loves his
+native soil with that hearty, though discriminating, attachment
+which springs from an intimate social intercourse of many
+years' standing. In the ploughing season, no one has a deeper
+share in the well-being of the country than he. If Dean Swift
+were right in saying that he who makes two blades of grass grow
+where one grew before confers a greater benefit on the state
+than he who taketh a city, Mr. B. might exhibit a fairer claim
+to the Presidency than General Scott himself. I think that
+some of those disinterested lovers of the hard-handed democracy,
+whose fingers have never touched anything rougher
+than the dollars of our common country, would hesitate to
+compare palms with him. It would do your heart good, respected
+Sir, to see that young man now. He cuts a cleaner
+and wider swarth than any in this town.</p>
+
+<p>"But it is time for me to be at my Post. It is very clear
+that my young friend's shot has struck the lintel, for the Post
+is shaken (Amos ix. 1). The editor of that paper is a strenuous
+advocate of the Mexican war, and a colonel, as I am given
+to understand. I presume, that, being necessarily absent in
+Mexico, he has left his journal in some less judicious hands.
+At any rate, the Post has been too swift on this occasion. It
+could hardly have cited a more incontrovertible line from any<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>
+poem than that which it has selected for animadversion,
+namely,&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"'We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage.'<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"If the Post maintains the converse of this proposition, it
+can hardly be considered as a safe guide-post for the moral and
+religious portions of its party, however many other excellent
+qualities of a post it may be blessed with. There is a sign in
+London on which is painted,&mdash;'The Green Man.' It would
+do very well as a portrait of any individual who would support
+so unscriptural a thesis. As regards the language of the line
+in question, I am bold to say that He who readeth the hearts
+of men will not account any dialect unseemly which conveys
+a sound and pious sentiment. I could wish that such sentiments
+were more common, however uncouthly expressed.
+Saint Ambrose affirms, that <i>veritas a quocunque</i> (why not, then
+<i>quomodocunque</i>?) <i>dicatur, a spiritu sancto est</i>. Digest also this
+of Baxter:&mdash;'The plainest words are the most profitable
+oratory in weightiest matters.'</p>
+
+<p>"When the paragraph in question was shown to Mr. Biglow,
+the only part of it which seemed to give him any dissatisfaction
+was that which classed him with the Whig party. He says,
+that, if resolutions are a nourishing kind of diet, that party
+must be in a very hearty and flourishing condition; for that
+they have quietly eaten more good ones of their own baking
+than he could have conceived to be possible without repletion.
+He has been for some years past (I regret to say) an ardent
+opponent of those sound doctrines of protective policy which
+form so prominent a portion of the creed of that party. I
+confess, that, in some discussions which I have had with him
+on this point in my study, he has displayed a vein of obstinacy
+which I had not hitherto detected in his composition. He is
+also (<i>horresco referens</i>) infected in no small measure with the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>
+peculiar notions of a print called the Liberator, whose heresies
+I take every proper opportunity of combating, and of which,
+I thank God, I have never read a single line.</p>
+
+<p>"I did not see Mr. B.'s verses until they appeared in print,
+and there <i>is</i> certainly one thing in them which I consider
+highly improper. I allude to the personal references to myself
+by name. To confer notoriety on an humble individual who is
+labouring quietly in his vocation, and who keeps his cloth as
+free as he can from the dust of the political arena (though <i>v&aelig;
+mihi si non evangelizavero</i>), is no doubt an indecorum. The
+sentiments which he attributes to me I will not deny to be
+mine. They were embodied, though in a different form, in a
+discourse preached upon the last day of public fasting, and
+were acceptable to my entire people (of whatever political
+views), except the postmaster, who dissented <i>ex officio</i>. I
+observe that you sometimes devote a portion of your paper to
+a religious summary. I should be well pleased to furnish a
+copy of my discourse for insertion in this department of your
+instructive journal. By omitting the advertisements, it might
+easily be got within the limits of a single number, and I
+venture to insure you the sale of some scores of copies in this
+town. I will cheerfully render myself responsible for ten. It
+might possibly be advantageous to issue it as an <i>extra</i>. But
+perhaps you will not esteem it an object, and I will not press
+it. My offer does not spring from any weak desire of seeing
+my name in print; for I can enjoy this satisfaction at any time
+by turning to the Triennial Catalogue of the University, where
+it also possesses that added emphasis of Italics with which
+those of my calling are distinguished.</p>
+
+<p>"I would simply add, that I continue to fit ingenuous
+youth for college, and that I have two spacious and airy
+sleeping apartments at this moment unoccupied. <i>Ingenuas
+didicisse</i>, &amp;c. Terms, which vary according to the circumstances<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span>
+of the parents, may be known on application to me by letter,
+post paid. In all cases the lad will be expected to fetch his
+own towels. This rule, Mrs. W. desires me to add, has no
+exceptions.</p>
+
+<p class="sign1">"Respectfully, your obedient servant,<br />
+"HOMER WILBUR, A.M.</p>
+
+<p>"P.S. Perhaps the last paragraph may look like an attempt
+to obtain the insertion of my circular gratuitously. If it should
+appear to you in that light, I desire that you would erase it, or
+charge for it at the usual rates, and deduct the amount from
+the proceeds in your hands from the sale of my discourse, when
+it shall be printed. My circular is much longer and more explicit,
+and will be forwarded without charge to any who may
+desire it. It has been very neatly executed on a letter sheet,
+by a very deserving printer, who attends upon my ministry,
+and is a creditable specimen of the typographic art. I have
+one hung over my mantelpiece in a neat frame, where it makes
+a beautiful and appropriate ornament, and balances the profile
+of Mrs. W., cut with her toes by the young lady born without
+arms.</p>
+
+<p class="ralign">H. W."</p>
+
+<p>I have in the foregoing letter mentioned General Scott in
+connexion with the Presidency, because I have been given to
+understand that he has blown to pieces and otherwise caused
+to be destroyed more Mexicans than any other commander.
+His claim would therefore be deservedly considered the
+strongest. Until accurate returns of the Mexican killed,
+wounded, and maimed be obtained, it would be difficult to
+settle these nice points of precedence. Should it prove that
+any other officer has been more meritorious and destructive
+than General. S., and has thereby rendered himself more<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span>
+worthy of the confidence and support of the conservative
+portion of our community, I shall cheerfully insert his name,
+instead of that of General S., in a future edition. It may be
+thought, likewise, that General S. has invalidated his claims
+by too much attention to the decencies of apparel, and the
+habits belonging to a gentleman. These abstruser points of
+statesmanship are beyond my scope. I wonder not that
+successful military achievement should attract the admiration
+of the multitude. Rather do I rejoice with wonder to behold
+how rapidly this sentiment is losing its hold upon the popular
+mind. It is related of Thomas Warton, the second of that
+honoured name who held the office of Poetry Professor at
+Oxford, that, when one wished to find him, being absconded,
+as was his wont, in some obscure alehouse, he was counselled
+to traverse the city with a drum and fife, the sound of which
+inspiring music would be sure to draw the Doctor from his
+retirement into the street. We are all more or less bitten
+with this martial insanity. <i>Nescio qu&acirc; dulcedine ...
+cunctos ducit.</i> I confess to some infection of that itch myself.
+When I see a Brigadier-General maintaining his insecure
+elevation in the saddle under the severe fire of the training-field,
+and when I remember that some military enthusiasts,
+through haste, inexperience, or an over-desire to lend reality
+to those fictitious combats, will sometimes discharge their
+ramrods, I cannot but admire, while I deplore, the mistaken
+devotion of those heroic officers. <i>Semel insanivimus omnes.</i> I
+was myself, during the late war with Great Britain, chaplain
+of a regiment, which was fortunately never called to active
+military duty. I mention this circumstance with regret rather
+than pride. Had I been summoned to actual warfare, I trust
+that I might have been strengthened to bear myself after the
+manner of that reverend father in our New England Israel, Dr.
+Benjamin Colman, who, as we are told in Turell's life of him,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span>
+when the vessel in which he had taken passage for England
+was attacked by a French privateer, "fought like a philosopher
+and a Christian, ... and prayed all the while he charged
+and fired." As this note is already long, I shall not here enter
+upon a discussion of the question, whether Christians may
+lawfully be soldiers. I think it sufficiently evident, that,
+during the first two centuries of the Christian era, at least,
+the two professions were esteemed incompatible. Consult
+Jortin on this head.&mdash;H. W.]</p></div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="No_IV" id="No_IV"></a>No. IV.</h2>
+
+<p class="hdtt">REMARKS OF INCREASE D. O'PHACE, ESQUIRE, AT AN EX-TRUMPERY
+CAUCUS IN STATE STREET, REPORTED BY MR. H. BIGLOW.</p>
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[The ingenious reader will at once understand that no such
+speech as the following was ever <i>totidem verbis</i> pronounced.
+But there are simpler and less guarded wits, for the satisfying
+of which such an explanation may be needful. For there are
+certain invisible lines, which as Truth successively overpasses,
+she becomes Untruth to one and another of us, as a large
+river, flowing from one kingdom into another, sometimes takes
+a new name, albeit the waters undergo no change, how small
+soever. There is, moreover, a truth of fiction more veracious
+than the truth of fact, as that of the Poet, which represents to
+us things and events as they ought to be, rather than servilely
+copies them as they are imperfectly imaged in the crooked and
+smoky glass of our mundane affairs. It is this which makes
+the speech of Antonius, though originally spoken in no wider
+a forum than the brain of Shakspeare, more historically valuable
+than that other which Appian has reported, by as much
+as the understanding of the Englishman was more comprehensive
+than that of the Alexandrian. Mr. Biglow, in the present
+instance, has only made use of a licence assumed by all the
+historians of antiquity, who put into the mouths of various
+characters such words as seem to them most fitting to the
+occasion and to the speaker. If it be objected that no such
+oration could ever have been delivered, I answer, that there
+are few assemblages for speech-making which do not better<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span>
+deserve the title of <i>Parliamentum Indoctorum</i> than did the
+sixth Parliament of Henry the Fourth, and that men still continue
+to have as much faith in the Oracle of Fools as ever
+Pantagruel had. Howell, in his letters, recounts a merry tale
+of a certain ambassador of Queen Elizabeth, who, having
+written two letters, one to her Majesty and the other to his
+wife, directed them at cross-purposes, so that the Queen was
+beducked and bedeared and requested to send a change of hose,
+and the wife was beprincessed and otherwise unwontedly besuperlatived,
+till the one feared for the wits of her ambassador,
+the other for those of her husband. In like manner it may be
+presumed that our speaker has misdirected some of his thoughts,
+and given to the whole theatre what he would have wished to
+confide only to a select auditory at the back of the curtain.
+For it is seldom that we can get any frank utterance from men,
+who address, for the most part, a Buncombe either in this
+world or the next. As for their audiences, it may be truly
+said of our people, that they enjoy one political institution in
+common with the ancient Athenians: I mean a certain profitless
+kind of <i>ostracism</i>, wherewith, nevertheless, they seem
+hitherto well enough content. For in Presidential elections,
+and other affairs of the sort, whereas I observe that the <i>oysters</i>
+fall to the lot of comparatively few, the <i>shells</i> (such as the privileges
+of voting as they are told to do by the <i>ostrivori</i> aforesaid,
+and of huzzaing at public meetings) are very liberally
+distributed among the people, as being their prescriptive and
+quite sufficient portion.</p>
+
+<p>The occasion of the speech is supposed to be Mr. Palfrey's
+refusal to vote for the Whig candidate for the Speakership.&mdash;H. W.]<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span></p></div>
+
+<div class="cpoem35"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">No? Hez he? He haint, though? Wut? Voted agin him?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef the bird of our country could ketch him, she 'd skin him;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I seem 's though I see her, with wrath in each quill,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Like a chancery lawyer, afilin' her bill,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' grindin' her talents ez sharp ez all nater,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To pounce like a writ on the back o' the traiter.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Forgive me, my friends, ef I seem to be het,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But a crisis like this must with vigour be met;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen an Arnold the star-spangled banner bestains,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Holl Fourth o' Julys seem to bile in my veins.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Who ever 'd ha' thought sech a pisonous rig<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Would be run by a chap thet wuz chose fer a Wig?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"We knowed wut his principles wuz 'fore we sent him"?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">What wuz ther in them from this vote to pervent him?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A marciful Providunce fashioned us holler<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O' purpose thet we might our principles swaller;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It can hold any quantity on 'em, the belly can,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' bring 'em up ready fer use like the pelican,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Or more like the kangaroo, who (wich is stranger)<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Puts her family into her pouch wen there 's danger.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Aint principle precious? then, who 's goin' to use it<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen there 's risk o' some chaps gittin' up to abuse it?<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">I can't tell the wy on 't, but nothin' is <i>so</i> sure<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ez thet principle kind o' gits spiled by exposure;<a name="FNanchor_13_13" id="FNanchor_13_13"></a><a href="#Footnote_13_13" class="fnanchor">[13]</a><br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A man thet lets all sorts o' folks git a sight on 't<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ough' to hev it all took right away, every mite on 't;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef he can't keep it all to himself when it 's wise to,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He aint one it 's fit to trust nothin' so nice to.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Besides, ther 's a wonderful power in latitude<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To shift a man's morril relations an' attitude;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Some flossifers think thet a fakkilty 's granted<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The minnit it 's proved to be thoroughly wanted,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet a change o' demand makes a change o' condition<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' thet everythin' 's nothin' except by position;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ez, fer instance, thet rubber-trees fust begun bearin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen p'litickle conshunces come into wearin',&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet the fears of a monkey, whose holt chanced to fail,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Drawed the vertibry out to a prehensile tail;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So, wen one 's chose to Congriss, ez soon ez he 's in it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A collar grows right round his neck in a minnit,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">An' sartin it is thet a man cannot be strict<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In bein' himself, when he gets to the Deestrict,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer a coat thet sets wal here in ole Massachusetts,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen it gits on to Washinton, somehow askew sets.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Resolves, do you say, o' the Springfield Convention?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet 's percisely the pint I was goin' to mention;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Resolves air a thing we most gen'ally keep ill,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They 're a cheap kind o' dust fer the eyes o' the people;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A parcel o' delligits jest git together<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' chat fer a spell o' the crops an' the weather,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then, comin' to order, they squabble awile<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' let off the speeches they 're ferful 'll spile;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then&mdash;Resolve,&mdash;Thet we wunt hev an inch o' slave territory;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">That President Polk's holl perceedins air very tory;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet the war 's a damned war, an' them thet enlist in it<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Should hev a cravat with a dreffle tight twist in it;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet the war is a war fer the spreadin' o' slavery;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet our army desarves our best thanks fer their bravery;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet we 're the original friends o' the nation,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">All the rest air a paltry an' base fabrication;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet we highly respect Messrs. A, B, an' C,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' ez deeply despise Messrs. E, F, an' G.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In this way they go to the eend o' the chapter,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' then they bust out in a kind of a raptur<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">About their own vartoo, an' folks's stone-blindness<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To the men thet 'ould actilly do 'em a kindness,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The American eagle, the Pilgrims thet landed,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Till on ole Plymouth Rock they git finally stranded.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wal, the people they listen and say, "Thet 's the ticket!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ez for Mexico, t'aint no glory to lick it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But 't would be a darned shame to go pullin' o' triggers<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To extend the aree of abusin' the niggers."<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">So they march in percessions, an' git up hooraws,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' tramp thru the mud fer the good o' the cause,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' think they 're kind o' fulfillin' the prophecies,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen they 're on'y jest changin' the holders of offices;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ware A sot afore, B is comf'tably seated,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">One humbug 's victor'ous, an' t'other defeated.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Each honnable doughface gits jest wut he axes,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' the people&mdash;their annooal soft sodder an' taxes.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Now, to keep unimpaired all these glorious feeturs<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet characterize morril an' reasonin' creeturs,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet give every paytriot all he can cram,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet oust the untrustworthy Presidunt Flam,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' stick honest Presidunt Sham in his place,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To the manifest gain o' the holl human race,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' to some indervidgewals on 't in partickler,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Who love Public Opinion an' know how to tickle her,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I say thet a party with great aims like these<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Must stick jest ez close ez a hive full o' bees.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I 'm willin' a man should go tollable strong<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Agin wrong in the abstract, fer that kind o' wrong<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Is ollers unpop'lar an' never gits pitied,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Because it 's a crime no one never committed;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But he mus' n't be hard on partickler sins,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Coz then he 'll be kickin' the people's own shins;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">On'y look at the Demmercrats, see wut they 've done<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Jest simply by stickin' together like fun;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They 've sucked us right into a mis'able war<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet no one on airth aint responsible for;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They 've run us a hundred cool millions in debt,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(An' fer Demmercrat Horners ther 's good plums left yet);<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They talk agin tayriffs, but act fer a high one,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' so coax all parties to build up their Zion;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To the people they 're ollers ez slick ez molasses,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' butter their bread on both sides with The Masses,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Half o' whom they 've persuaded, by way of a joke,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet Washinton's mantelpiece fell upon Polk.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Now all o' these blessins the Wigs might enjoy,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef they 'd gumption enough the right means to imploy;<a name="FNanchor_14_14" id="FNanchor_14_14"></a><a href="#Footnote_14_14" class="fnanchor">[14]</a><br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer the silver spoon born in Dermocracy's mouth<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Is a kind of a scringe thet they hev to the South;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Their masters can cuss 'em an' kick 'em an' wale 'em,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">An' they notice it less 'an the ass did to Balaam;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In this way they screw into second-rate offices<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wich the slaveholder thinks 'ould substract too much off his ease;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The file-leaders, I mean, du, fer they, by their wiles,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Unlike the old viper, grow fat on their files.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wal, the Wigs hev been tryin' to grab all this prey frum 'em<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' to hook this nice spoon o' good fortin' away frum 'em,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' they might ha' succeeded, ez likely ez not,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In lickin' the Demmercrats all round the lot,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef it warn't thet, wile all faithful Wigs were their knees on,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Some stuffy old codger would holler out,&mdash;"Treason!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You must keep a sharp eye on a dog thet hez bit you once,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' <i>I</i> aint agoin' to cheat my constitoounts,"&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen every fool knows thet a man represents<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Not the fellers thet sent him, but them on the fence,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Impartially ready to jump either side<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' make the fust use of a turn o' the tide,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The waiters on Providunce here in the city,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Who compose wut they call a State Centerl Committy.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Constitoounts air hendy to help a man in,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But arterwards don't weigh the heft of a pin.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wy, the people can't all live on Uncle Sam's pus,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So they 've nothin' to du with 't fer better or wus;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">It 's the folks thet air kind o' brought up to depend on 't<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">That hev any consarn in 't, an' thet is the end on 't.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Now here wuz New England ahevin' the honor<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Of a chance at the speakership showered upon her;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Do you say,&mdash;"She don't want no more Speakers, but fewer;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">She 's hed plenty o' them, wut she wants is a <i>doer</i>"?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer the matter o' thet, it 's notorous in town<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet her own representatives du her quite brown.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But thet 's nothin' to du with it; wut right hed Palfrey<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To mix himself up with fanatical small fry?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Warn't we gettin' on prime with our hot an' cold blowin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Acondemnin' the war wilst we kep' it agoin'?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We 'd assumed with gret skill a commandin' position,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">On this side or thet, no one could n't tell wich one,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So, wutever side wipped, we 'd a chance at the plunder<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' could sue for infringin' our paytended thunder;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We were ready to vote fer whoever wuz eligible,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef on all pints at issoo he 'd stay unintelligible.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wal, sposin' we hed to gulp down our perfessions,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We were ready to come out next mornin' with fresh ones;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Besides, ef we did, 't was our business alone,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer could n't we du wut we would with our own?<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">An' ef a man can, wen pervisions hev riz so,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Eat up his own words, it 's a marcy it is so.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Wy, these chaps from the North, with back-bones to 'em, darn 'em,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'Ould be wuth more 'an Gennle Tom Thumb is to Barnum;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ther 's enough thet to office on this very plan grow,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">By exhibitin' how very small a man can grow;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But an M. C. frum here ollers hastens to state he<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Belongs to the order called invertebraty,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wence some gret filologists judge primy fashy<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet M. C. is M. T. by paronomashy;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' these few exceptions air <i>loosus naytury</i><br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Folks 'ould put down their quarters to stare at, like fury.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">It 's no use to open the door o' success,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef a member can bolt so fer nothin' or less;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wy, all o' them grand constitootional pillers<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Our four fathers fetched with 'em over the billers,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Them pillers the people so soundly hev slept on,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wile to slav'ry, invasion, an' debt they were swept on,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wile our Destiny higher an' higher kep' mountin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(Though I guess folks 'll stare wen she hends her account in),<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef members in this way go kickin' agin 'em,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They wunt hev so much ez a feather left in 'em.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">An', ez fer this Palfrey,<a name="FNanchor_15_15" id="FNanchor_15_15"></a><a href="#Footnote_15_15" class="fnanchor">[15]</a> we thought wen we 'd gut him in,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He 'd go kindly in wutever harness we put him in;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Supposin' we <i>did</i> know thet he wuz a peace man?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Does he think he can be Uncle Samwell's policeman,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' wen Sam gits tipsy an' kicks up a riot,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Lead him off to the lockup to snooze till he 's quiet?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wy, the war is a war thet true paytriots can bear, ef<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It leads to the fat promised land of a tayriff;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0"><i>We</i> don't go an' fight it, nor aint to be driv on,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nor Demmercrats nuther, thet hev wut to live on;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef it aint jest the thing thet 's well pleasin' to God,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It makes us thought highly on elsewhere abroad;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The Rooshian black eagle looks blue in his eerie<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' shakes both his heads wen he hears o' Monteery;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wile in the Tower Victory sets, all of a fluster,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' reads, with locked doors, how we won Cherry Buster;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' old Philip Lewis&mdash;thet come an' kep' school here<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer the mere sake o' scorin' his ryalist ruler<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">On the tenderest part of our kings <i>in futuro</i>&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Hides his crown underneath an old shut in his bureau<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Breaks off in his brags to a suckle o' merry kings,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">How he often hed hided young native Amerrikins,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An', turnin' quite faint in the midst of his fooleries,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sneaks down stairs to bolt the front door o' the Tooleries.<a name="FNanchor_16_16" id="FNanchor_16_16"></a><a href="#Footnote_16_16" class="fnanchor">[16]</a><br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">You say,&mdash;"We 'd ha' scared 'em by growin' in peace,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A plaguy sight more then by bobberies like these"?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Who is it dares say thet "our naytional eagle<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wun't much longer be classed with the birds thet air regal,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Coz theirn be hooked beaks, an' she, arter this slaughter,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'ll bring back a bill ten times longer 'n she ough' to"?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wut 's your name? Come, I see ye, you up-country feller,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You 've put me out severil times with your beller;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Out with it! Wut? Biglow? I say nothin' furder,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet feller would like nothin' better 'n a murder;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He 's a traiter, blasphemer, an' wut ruther worse is,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He put all his ath'ism in dreffle bad verses;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Socity aint safe till sech monsters air out on it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Refer to the Post, ef you hev the least doubt on it;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wy, he goes agin war, agin indirect taxes,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Agin sellin' wild lands 'cept to settlers with axes,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Agin holdin' o' slaves, though he knows it 's the corner<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Our libbaty rests on, the mis'able scorner!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In short, he would wholly upset with his ravages<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">All thet keeps us above the brute critters an' savages,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' pitch into all kinds o' briles an' confusions<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The holl of our civilized, free institutions;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He writes fer thet rather unsafe print, the Courier,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' likely ez not hez a squintin' to Foorier;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'll be &mdash;&mdash;, thet is, I mean I 'll be blest,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef I hark to a word frum so noted a pest;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I shan't talk with <i>him</i>, my religion 's too fervent.&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Good mornin', my friends, I 'm your most humble servant.<br /></span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[Into the question, whether the ability to express ourselves
+in articulate language has been productive of more good or
+evil, I shall not here enter at large. The two faculties of
+speech and of speech-making are wholly diverse in their
+natures. By the first we make ourselves intelligible, by the
+last unintelligible, to our fellows. It has not seldom occurred<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span>
+to me (noting how in our national legislature everything runs
+to talk, as lettuces, if the season or the soil be unpropitious,
+shoot up lankly to seed, instead of forming handsome heads)
+that Babel was the first Congress, the earliest mill erected for
+the manufacture of gabble. In these days, what with Town
+Meetings, School Committees, Boards (lumber) of one kind
+and another, Congresses, Parliaments, Diets, Indian Councils,
+Palavers, and the like, there is scarce a village which has not
+its factories of this description driven by (milk-and-) water
+power. I cannot conceive the confusion of tongues to have
+been the curse of Babel, since I esteem my ignorance of other
+languages as a kind of Martello-tower, in which I am safe
+from the furious bombardments of foreign garrulity. For this
+reason I have ever preferred the study of the dead languages,
+those primitive formations being Ararats upon whose silent
+peaks I sit secure and watch this new deluge without fear,
+though it rain figures (<i>simulacra</i>, semblances) of speech forty
+days and nights together, as it not uncommonly happens. Thus
+is my coat, as it were, without buttons by which any but a
+vernacular wild bore can seize me. Is it not possible that the
+Shakers may intend to convey a quiet reproof and hint, in
+fastening their outer garments with hooks and eyes?</p>
+
+<p>This reflection concerning Babel, which I find in no Commentary,
+was first thrown upon my mind when an excellent
+deacon of my congregation (being infected with the Second
+Advent delusion) assured me that he had received a first
+instalment of the gift of tongues as a small earnest of larger
+possessions in the like kind to follow. For, of a truth, I could
+not reconcile it with my ideas of the Divine justice and mercy
+that the single wall which protected people of other languages
+from the incursions of this otherwise well-meaning propagandist
+should be broken down.</p>
+
+<p>In reading Congressional debates, I have fancied, that, after<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span>
+the subsidence of those painful buzzings in the brain which
+result from such exercises, I detected a slender residuum of
+valuable information. I made the discovery that <i>nothing</i> takes
+longer in the saying than anything else, for, as <i>ex nihilo nihil
+fit</i>, so from one polypus <i>nothing</i> any number of similar ones
+may be produced. I would recommend to the attention of
+<i>viv&acirc; voce</i> debaters and controversialists the admirable example
+of the monk Copres, who, in the fourth century, stood for half
+an hour in the midst of a great fire, and thereby silenced a
+Manich&aelig;an antagonist who had less of the salamander in
+him. As for those who quarrel in print, I have no concern
+with them here, since the eyelids are a Divinely-granted shield
+against all such. Moreover, I have observed in many modern
+books that the printed portion is becoming gradually smaller,
+and the number of blank or fly-leaves (as they are called)
+greater. Should this fortunate tendency of literature continue,
+books will grow more valuable from year to year, and
+the whole Serbonian bog yield to the advances of firm arable
+land.</p>
+
+<p>I have wondered, in the Representatives' Chamber of our
+own Commonwealth, to mark how little impression seemed to
+be produced by that emblematic fish suspended over the heads
+of the members. Our wiser ancestors, no doubt, hung it there
+as being the animal which the Pythagoreans reverenced for its
+silence, and which certainly in that particular does not so well
+merit the epithet <i>cold-blooded</i>, by which naturalists distinguish
+it, as certain bipeds, afflicted with ditch-water on the brain,
+who take occasion to tap themselves in Fanueil Halls, meeting-houses,
+and other places of public resort.&mdash;H. W.]</p></div>
+
+
+<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_13_13" id="Footnote_13_13"></a><a href="#FNanchor_13_13"><span class="label">[13]</span></a> The speaker is of a different mind from Tully, who, in his recently
+discovered tractate <i>De Republic&acirc;</i>, tells us,&mdash;<i>Nec vero habere virtutem satis
+est, quasi artem aliquam, nisi utare</i>, and from our Milton, who says,&mdash;"I
+cannot praise a fugitive and cloistered virtue, unexercised and unbreathed,
+that never sallies out and sees her adversary, but slinks out of the race
+where that immortal garland is to be run for, <i>not without dust and heat</i>."&mdash;<i>Areop.</i>
+He had taken the words out of the Roman's mouth, without
+knowing it, and might well exclaim with Austin (if saint's name may
+stand sponsor for a curse). <i>Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerint!</i>&mdash;H. W.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_14_14" id="Footnote_14_14"></a><a href="#FNanchor_14_14"><span class="label">[14]</span></a> That was a pithy saying of Persius, and fits our politicians without a
+wrinkle,&mdash;<i>Magister artis, ingeniique largitor venter.</i>&mdash;H. W.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_15_15" id="Footnote_15_15"></a><a href="#FNanchor_15_15"><span class="label">[15]</span></a> There is truth yet in this of Juvenal,&mdash;
+</p>
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Dat veniam corvis, vexat censura columbas."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+</div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_16_16" id="Footnote_16_16"></a><a href="#FNanchor_16_16"><span class="label">[16]</span></a> Jortin is willing to allow of other miracles besides those recorded in
+Holy Writ, and why not of other prophecies? It is granting too much to
+Satan to suppose him, as divers of the learned have done, the inspirer of
+the ancient oracles. Wiser, I esteem it, to give chance the credit of the
+successful ones. What is said here of Louis Philippe was verified in some
+of its minute particulars within a few months' time. Enough to have
+made the fortune of Delphi or Ammon, and no thanks to Beelzebub
+neither! That of Seneca in Medea will suit here:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i2">"Rapida fortuna ac levis,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Pr&aelig;cepsque regno eripuit, exsilio dedit."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Let us allow, even to richly deserved misfortune, our commiseration,
+and be not overhasty meanwhile in our censure of the French people, left
+for the first time to govern themselves, remembering that wise sentence of
+&AElig;schylus,&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0" title="Hapas de trachys hostis an neon krat&ecirc;.">&#7949;&#960;&#945;&#962; &#948;&#8050; &#964;&#961;&#945;&#967;&#8058;&#962; &#8005;&#963;&#964;&#953;&#962; &#7938;&#957; &#957;&#8051;&#959;&#957; &#954;&#961;&#945;&#964;&#8135;.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+<p class="ralign">H. W.</p></div>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="No_V" id="No_V"></a>No. V.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT</h3>
+
+<p class="hdttc">SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME.</p>
+
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[The incident which gave rise to the debate satirized in the
+following verses was the unsuccessful attempt of Drayton and
+Sayres to give freedom to seventy men and women, fellow-beings
+and fellow-Christians. Had Tripoli, instead of Washington,
+been the scene of this undertaking, the unhappy leaders
+in it would have been as secure of the theoretic as they
+now are of the practical part of martyrdom. I question
+whether the Dey of Tripoli is blessed with a District Attorney
+so benighted as ours at the seat of government. Very fitly is
+he named Key, who would allow himself to be made the
+instrument of locking the door of hope against sufferers in
+such a cause. Not all the waters of the ocean can cleanse
+the vile smutch of the jailer's fingers from off that little Key.
+<i>Ahenea clavis</i>, a brazen Key indeed!</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Calhoun, who is made the chief speaker in this burlesque,
+seems to think that the light of the nineteenth century
+is to be put out as soon as he tinkles his little cow-bell curfew.
+Whenever slavery is touched, he sets up his scarecrow of
+dissolving the Union. This may do for the North, but I
+should conjecture that something more than a pumpkin-lantern
+is required to scare manifest and irretrievable Destiny out of
+her path. Mr. Calhoun cannot let go the apron-string of the
+Past. The Past is a good nurse, but we must be weaned from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span>
+her sooner or later, even though, like Plotinus, we should run
+home from school to ask the breast, after we are tolerably
+well-grown youths. It will not do for us to hide our faces in
+her lap, whenever the strange Future holds out her arms and
+asks us to come to her.</p>
+
+<p>But we are all alike. We have all heard it said, often
+enough, that little boys must not play with fire; and yet, if
+the matches be taken away from us and put out of reach upon
+the shelf, we must needs get into our little corner, and scowl
+and stamp and threaten the dire revenge of going to bed
+without our supper. The world shall stop till we get our
+dangerous plaything again. Dame Earth, meanwhile, who has
+more than enough household matters to mind, goes bustling
+hither and thither as a hiss or a sputter tells her that this
+or that kettle of hers is boiling over, and before bedtime we
+are glad to eat our porridge cold, and gulp down our dignity
+along with it.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Calhoun has somehow acquired the name of a great
+statesman, and, if it be great statesmanship to put lance in
+rest and run a tilt at the Spirit of the Age with the certainty
+of being next moment hurled neck and heels into the dust
+amid universal laughter, he deserves the title. He is the Sir
+Kay of our modern chivalry. He should remember the old
+Scandinavian mythus. Thor was the strongest of gods, but
+he could not wrestle with Time, nor so much as lift up a fold
+of the great snake which knit the universe together; and when
+he smote the Earth, though with his terrible mallet, it was but
+as if a leaf had fallen. Yet all the while it seemed to Thor
+that he had only been wrestling with an old woman, striving
+to lift a cat, and striking a stupid giant on the head.</p>
+
+<p>And in old times, doubtless, the giants <i>were</i> stupid, and
+there was no better sport for the Sir Launcelots and Sir
+Gawains than to go about cutting off their great blundering<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>
+heads with enchanted swords. But things have wonderfully
+changed. It is the giants, now-a-days, that have the science
+and the intelligence, while the chivalrous Don Quixotes of
+Conservatism still cumber themselves with the clumsy armour
+of a by-gone age. On whirls the restless globe through unsounded
+time, with its cities and its silences, its births and
+funerals, half light, half shade, but never wholly dark, and
+sure to swing round into the happy morning at last. With
+an involuntary smile, one sees Mr. Calhoun letting slip his
+pack-thread cable with a crooked pin at the end of it to
+anchor South Carolina upon the bank and shoal of the Past.&mdash;H. W.]</p>
+</div>
+
+<p class="center">TO MR. BUCKENAM.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">mr. Editer</span>, As i wuz kinder prunin round, in a
+little nussry sot out a year or 2 a go, the Dbait in the
+sennit cum inter my mine An so i took &amp; Sot it to
+wut I call a nussry rime. I hev made sum onnable
+Gentlemun speak that dident speak in a Kind uv
+Poetikul lie sense the seeson is dreffle backerd up
+This way</p>
+
+<p class="sign1">ewers as ushul<br />
+HOSEA BIGLOW.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="cpoem30"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Here we stan' on the Constitution, by thunder!<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">It 's a fact o' wich ther 's bushils o' proofs;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer how could we trample on 't so, I wonder,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Ef't worn't thet it 's oilers under our hoofs?"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"Human rights haint no more<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Right to come on this floor,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">No more 'n the man in the moon," sez he.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"The North haint no kind o' bisness with nothin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' you 've no idee how much bother it saves;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We aint none riled by their frettin' an' frothin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">We 're <i>used</i> to layin' the string on our slaves,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Sez Mister Foote,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"I should like to shoot<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">The holl gang, by the gret horn spoon!" sez he.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Freedom's Keystone is Slavery, thet ther 's no doubt on,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">It 's sutthin' thet 's&mdash;wha' d' ye call it?&mdash;divine,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' the slaves thet we ollers <i>make</i> the most out on<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Air them north o' Mason an' Dixon's line,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"Fer all thet," sez Mangum,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"'T would be better to hang 'em,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">An' so git red on 'em soon," sez he.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"The mass ough' to labour an' we lay on soffies,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Thet 's the reason I want to spread Freedom's aree;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It puts all the cunninest on us in office,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' reelises our Maker's orig'nal idee,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"Thet 's ez plain," sez Cass,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"Ez thet some one 's an ass,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">It 's ez clear ez the sun is at noon," sez he.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Now don't go to say I 'm the friend of oppression,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">But keep all your spare breath fer coolin' your broth,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer I ollers hev strove (at least thet 's my impression)<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To make cussed free with the rights o' the North,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"Yes," sez Davis o' Miss.,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"The perfection o' bliss<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Is in skinnin' thet same old coon," sez he.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Slavery 's a thing thet depends on complexion,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">It 's God's law thet fetters on black skins don't chafe;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef brains wuz to settle it (horrid reflection!)<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Wich of our onnable body 'd be safe?"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Sez Mister Hannegan,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Afore he began agin,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">"Thet exception is quite oppertoon," sez he.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Gen'nle Cass, Sir, you need n't be twitchin' your collar,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2"><i>Your</i> merit 's quite clear by the dut on your knees,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">At the North we don't make no distinctions o' colour;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">You can all take a lick at our shoes wen you please,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Sez Mister Jarnagin,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"They wunt hev to larn agin,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">They all on 'em know the old toon," sez he.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"The slavery question aint no ways bewilderin'.<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">North an' South hev one int'rest, it 's plain to a glance;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">No'thern men, like us patriarchs, don't sell their childrin,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">But they <i>du</i> sell themselves, ef they git a good chance,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Sez Atherton here,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"This is gittin' severe,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">I wish I could dive like a loon," sez he.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"It 'll break up the Union, this talk about freedom,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' your fact'ry gals (soon ez we split) 'll make head,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' gittin' some Miss chief or other to lead 'em,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">'ll go to work raisin' promiscoous Ned,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"Yes, the North," sez Colquitt,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"Ef we Southerners all quit,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Would go down like a busted balloon," sez he.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Jest look wut is doin', wut annyky 's brewin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In the beautiful clime o' the olive an' vine,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">All the wise aristoxy is tumblin' to ruin,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' the sankylots drorin' an' drinkin' their wine,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"Yes," sez Johnson, "in France<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">They 're beginnin' to dance<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Beelzebub's own rigadoon," sez he.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"The South 's safe enough, it don't feel a mite skeery,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Our slaves in their darkness an' dut air tu blest<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Not to welcome with proud hallylugers the ery<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Wen our eagle kicks yourn from the naytional nest,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"O," sez Westcott o' Florida,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"Wut treason is horrider<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Then our priv'leges tryin' to proon?" sez he.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"It 's 'coz they 're so happy, thet, wen crazy sarpints<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Stick their nose in our bizness, we git so darned riled;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We think it 's our dooty to give pooty sharp hints,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Thet the last crumb of Edin on airth shan't be spiled,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"Ah," sez Dixon H. Lewis,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">"It perfectly true is<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Thet slavery 's airth's grettest boon," sez he.<br /></span>
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span></div></div>
+</div>
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[It was said of old time, that riches have wings; and, though
+this be not applicable in a literal strictness to the wealth of
+our patriarchal brethren of the South, yet it is clear that their
+possessions have legs, and an unaccountable propensity for
+using them in a northerly direction. I marvel that the grand
+jury of Washington did not find a true bill against the North
+Star for aiding and abetting Drayton and Sayres. It would
+have been quite of a piece with the intelligence displayed by
+the South on other questions connected with slavery. I think
+that no ship of state was ever freighted with a more veritable
+Jonah than this same domestic institution of ours. Mephistopheles
+himself could not feign so bitterly, so satirically sad a
+sight as this of three millions of human beings crushed beyond
+help or hope by this one mighty argument,&mdash;<i>Our fathers knew
+no better!</i> Nevertheless, it is the unavoidable destiny of
+Jonahs to be cast overboard sooner or later. Or shall we try
+the experiment of hiding our Jonah in a safe place, that none
+may lay hands on him to make jetsam of him? Let us, then,
+with equal forethought and wisdom, lash ourselves to the anchor,
+and await, in pious confidence, the certain result. Perhaps
+our suspicious passenger is no Jonah after all, being
+black. For it is well known that a superintending Providence
+made a kind of sandwich of Ham and his descendants, to be
+devoured by the Caucasian race.</p>
+
+<p>In God's name, let all, who hear nearer and nearer the
+hungry moan of the storm and the growl of the breakers,
+speak out! But, alas! we have no right to interfere. If a
+man pluck an apple of mine, he shall be in danger of the
+justice; but if he steal my brother, I must be silent. Who
+says this? Our Constitution, consecrated by the callous
+suetude of sixty years, and grasped in triumphant argument
+in the left hand of him whose right hand clutches the clotted
+slave-whip. Justice, venerable with the undethronable majesty<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span>
+of countless &aelig;ons, says,&mdash;<span class="smcap">Speak</span>! The Past, wise with the
+sorrows and desolations of ages, from amid her shattered fanes
+and wolf-housing palaces, echoes,&mdash;<span class="smcap">Speak</span>! Nature, through
+her thousand trumpets of freedom, her stars, her sunrises, her
+seas, her winds, her cataracts, her mountains blue with cloudy
+pines, blows jubilant encouragement, and cries,&mdash;<span class="smcap">Speak</span>!
+From the soul's trembling abysses the still, small voice not
+vaguely murmurs,&mdash;<span class="smcap">Speak</span>! But, alas! the Constitution and
+the Honourable Mr. Bagowind, M.C., say,&mdash;<span class="smcap">Be dumb</span>!</p>
+
+<p>It occurs to me to suggest, as a topic of inquiry in this connexion,
+whether, on that momentous occasion when the goats
+and the sheep shall be parted, the Constitution and the Honourable
+Mr. Bagowind, M.C., will be expected to take their
+places on the left as our hircine vicars.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0"><i>Quia sum miser tunc dicturus?</i><br /></span>
+<span class="i0"><i>Quem patronum rogaturus?</i><br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>There is a point where toleration sinks into sheer baseness and
+poltroonery. The toleration of the worst leads us to look on
+what is barely better as good enough, and to worship what is
+only moderately good. Woe to that man, or that nation, to
+whom mediocrity has become an ideal!</p>
+
+<p>Has our experiment of self-government succeeded, if it barely
+manage to <i>rub and go</i>? Here, now, is a piece of barbarism
+which Christ and the nineteenth century say shall cease, and
+which Messrs. Smith, Brown, and others say shall <i>not</i> cease.
+I would by no means deny the eminent respectability of these
+gentlemen, but I confess, that, in such a wrestling-match, I
+cannot help having my fears for them.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0"><i>Discite justitiam, moniti, et non temnere divos.</i><br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="ralign">H. W.]</p></div>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="No_VI" id="No_VI"></a>No. VI.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE PIOUS EDITOR'S CREED.</h3>
+
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[At the special instance of Mr. Biglow, I preface the following
+satire with an extract from a sermon preached during
+the past summer, from Ezekiel xxxiv. 2:&mdash;"Son of man, prophesy
+against the shepherds of Israel." Since the Sabbath on
+which this discourse was delivered, the editor of the "Jaalam
+Independent Blunderbuss" has unaccountably absented himself
+from our house of worship.</p>
+
+<p>"I know of no so responsible position as that of the public
+journalist. The editor of our day bears the same relation to
+his time that the clerk bore to the age before the invention of
+printing. Indeed, the position which he holds is that which
+the clergyman should hold even now. But the clergyman
+chooses to walk off to the extreme edge of the world, and to
+throw such seed as he has clear over into that darkness which
+he calls the Next Life. As if <i>next</i> did not mean <i>nearest</i>, and as
+if any life were nearer than that immediately present one which
+boils and eddies all around him at the caucus, the ratification
+meeting, and the polls! Who taught him to exhort men to
+prepare for eternity, as for some future era of which the
+present forms no integral part? The furrow which Time is
+even now turning runs through the Everlasting, and in that
+must he plant or nowhere. Yet he would fain believe and
+teach that we are <i>going</i> to have more of eternity than we have
+now. This <i>going</i> of his is like that of the auctioneer, on which<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span>
+<i>gone</i> follows before we have made up our minds to bid,&mdash;in
+which manner, not three months back, I lost an excellent copy
+of Chappelow on Job. So it has come to pass that the
+preacher, instead of being a living force, has faded into an
+emblematic figure at christenings, weddings, and funerals.
+Or, if he exercise any other function, it is as keeper and feeder
+of certain theologic dogmas, which, when occasion offers, he
+unkennels with a <i>staboy!</i> 'to bark and bite as 'tis their nature
+to,' whence that reproach of <i>odium theologicum</i> has arisen.</p>
+
+<p>"Meanwhile, see what a pulpit the editor mounts daily,
+sometimes with a congregation of fifty thousand within reach
+of his voice, and never so much as a nodder, even, among
+them! And from what a Bible can he choose his text,&mdash;a
+Bible which needs no translation, and which no priestcraft can
+shut and clasp from the laity,&mdash;the open volume of the world,
+upon which, with a pen of sunshine or destroying fire, the
+inspired Present is even now writing the annals of God!
+Methinks the editor who should understand his calling, and be
+equal thereto, would truly deserve that title of <span title="poim&ecirc;n la&ocirc;n">&#960;&#959;&#953;&#956;&#951;&#957; &#955;&#945;&#8182;&#957;</span>,
+which Homer bestows upon princes. He would be the Moses
+of our nineteenth century; and whereas the old Sinai, silent
+now, is but a common mountain, stared at by the elegant
+tourist and crawled over by the hammering geologist, he must
+find his tables of the new law here among factories and cities
+in this Wilderness of Sin (Numbers xxxiii. 12) called Progress
+of Civilization, and be the captain of our Exodus into the
+Canaan of a truer social order.</p>
+
+<p>"Nevertheless, our editor will not come so far within even
+the shadow of Sinai as Mahomet did, but chooses rather to
+construe Moses by Joe Smith. He takes up the crook, not
+that the sheep may be fed, but that he may never want a
+warm woollen suit and a joint of mutton.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0"><i>Immemor, O, fidei, pecorumque oblite tuorum!</i><br /></span>
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span></div></div>
+
+<p>For which reason I would derive the name <i>editor</i> not so much
+from <i>edo</i>, to publish, as from <i>edo</i>, to eat, that being the
+peculiar profession to which he esteems himself called. He
+blows up the flames of political discord for no other occasion
+than that he may thereby handily boil his own pot. I believe
+there are two thousand of these mutton-loving shepherds in
+the United States; and of these, how many have even the
+dimmest perception of their immense power, and the duties
+consequent thereon? Here and there, haply, one. Nine
+hundred and ninety-nine labour to impress upon the people the
+great principles of <i>Tweedledum</i>, and other nine hundred and
+ninety-nine preach with equal earnestness the gospel according
+to <i>Tweedledee</i>."&mdash;H. W.]</p>
+</div>
+
+<div class="cpoem25"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe in Freedom's cause,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Ez fur away ez Paris is;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I love to see her stick her claws<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In them infarnal Pharisees;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It 's wal enough agin a king<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To dror resolves an' triggers,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But libbaty 's a kind o' thing<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Thet don't agree with niggers.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe the people want<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">A tax on teas an' coffees,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet nothin' aint extravygunt,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Purvidin' I 'm in office;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer I hev loved my country sence<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">My eye-teeth filled their sockets,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' Uncle Sam I reverence,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Partic'larly his pockets.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe in <i>any</i> plan<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">O' levyin' the taxes,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ez long ez, like a lumberman,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I git jest wut I axes:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I go free-trade thru thick an' thin,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Because it kind o' rouses<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The folks to vote,&mdash;an' keeps us in<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Our quiet custom-houses.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe it 's wise an' good<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To sen' out furrin missions,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet is, on sartin understood<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' orthydox conditions;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I mean nine thousan' dolls. per ann.,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Nine thousan' more fer outfit,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' me to recommend a man<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The place 'ould jest about fit.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe in special ways<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">O' prayin' an' convartin';<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The bread comes back in many days,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' buttered, tu, fer sartin;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I mean in preyin' till one busts<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">On wut the party chooses,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' in convartin' public trusts<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To very privit uses.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe hard coin the stuff<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Fer 'lectioneers to spout on;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The people 's ollers soft enough<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To make hard money out on;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Dear Uncle Sam pervides fer his,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' gives a good-sized junk to all,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I don't care <i>how</i> hard money is,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Ez long ez mine 's paid punctooal.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe with all my soul<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In the gret Press's freedom,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To pint the people to the goal<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' in the traces lead 'em;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Palsied the arm thet forges yokes<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">At my fat contracts squintin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' withered be the nose thet pokes<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Inter the gov'ment printin'!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe thet I should give<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Wut 's his'n unto C&aelig;sar,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer it 's by him I move an' live,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">From him my bread an' cheese air;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I du believe thet all o' me<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Doth bear his souperscription,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Will, conscience, honour, honesty,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' things o' thet description.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe in prayer an' praise<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To him thet hez the grantin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O' jobs,&mdash;in every thin' thet pays,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">But most of all in <span class="smcap">Cantin</span>';<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">This doth my cup with marcies fill,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">This lays all thought o' sin to rest,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I <i>don't</i> believe in princerple,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">But, O, I <i>du</i> in interest.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe in bein' this<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Or thet, ez it may happen<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">One way or t'other hendiest is<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To ketch the people nappin';<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It aint by princerples nor men<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">My preudunt course is steadied,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I scent wich pays the best, an' then<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Go into it baldheaded.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe thet holdin' slaves<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Comes nat'ral tu a Presidunt,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Let 'lone the rowdedow it saves<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To hev a wal-broke precedunt;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer any office, small or gret,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I could n't ax with no face,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Without I 'd ben, thru dry an' wet,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Th' unrizzest kind o' doughface.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I du believe wutever trash<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">'ll keep the people in blindness,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet we the Mexicuns can thrash<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Right inter brotherly kindness,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet bombshells, grape, an' powder 'n' ball<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Air good-will's strongest magnets,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet peace, to make it stick at all,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Must be druv in with bagnets.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">In short, I firmly du believe<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In Humbug generally,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer it 's a thing thet I perceive<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To hev a solid vally;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">This heth my faithful shepherd ben,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In pasturs sweet heth led me,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' this 'll keep the people green<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To feed ez they hev fed me.<br /></span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[I subjoin here another passage from my before-mentioned
+discourse.</p>
+
+<p>"Wonderful, to him that has eyes to see it rightly, is the
+newspaper. To me, for example, sitting on the critical front
+bench of the pit, in my study here in Jaalam, the advent of my
+weekly journal is as that of a strolling theatre, or rather of a
+puppet-show, on whose stage, narrow as it is, the tragedy,
+comedy, and farce of life are played in little. Behold the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span>
+whole huge earth sent to me hebdomadally in a brown-paper
+wrapper!</p>
+
+<p>"Hither, to my obscure corner, by wind or steam, on horse-back
+or dromedary-back, in the pouch of the Indian runner, or
+clicking over the magnetic wires, troop all the famous performers
+from the four quarters of the globe. Looked at from
+a point of criticism, tiny puppets they seem all, as the editor
+sets up his booth upon my desk and officiates as showman.
+Now I can truly see how little and transitory is life. The
+earth appears almost as a drop of vinegar, on which the solar
+microscope of the imagination must be brought to bear in order
+to make out any thing distinctly. That animalcule there, in
+the pea-jacket, is Louis Philippe, just landed on the coast of
+England. That other, in the grey surtout and cocked hat, is
+Napoleon Bonaparte Smith, assuring France that she need
+apprehend no interference from him in the present alarming
+juncture. At that spot, where you seem to see a speck of
+something in motion, is an immense mass-meeting. Look
+sharper, and you will see a mite brandishing his mandibles in
+an excited manner. That is the great Mr. Soandso, defining
+his position amid tumultuous and irrepressible cheers. That
+infinitesimal creature, upon whom some score of others, as
+minute as he, are gazing in open-mouthed admiration, is a
+famous philosopher, expounding to a select audience their
+capacity for the Infinite. That scarce discernible pufflet of
+smoke and dust is a revolution. That speck there is a reformer,
+just arranging the lever with which he is to move the world.
+And lo, there creeps forward the shadow of a skeleton that
+blows one breath between its grinning teeth, and all our distinguished
+actors are whisked off the slippery stage into the
+dark Beyond.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, the little show-box has its solemner suggestions.
+Now and then we catch a glimpse of a grim old man, who lays<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span>
+down a scythe and hour-glass in the corner while he shifts the
+scenes. There, too, in the dim background, a weird shape is
+ever delving. Sometimes he leans upon his mattock, and gazes,
+as a coach whirls by, bearing the newly married on their wedding
+jaunt, or glances carelessly at a babe brought home from
+christening. Suddenly (for the scene grows larger and larger
+as we look) a bony hand snatches back a performer in the
+midst of his part, and him, whom yesterday two infinities (past
+and future) would not suffice, a handful of dust is enough to
+cover and silence for ever. Nay, we see the same fleshless
+fingers opening to clutch the showman himself, and guess, not
+without a shudder, that they are lying in wait for spectator
+also.</p>
+
+<p>"Think of it: for three dollars a year I buy a season-ticket
+to this great Globe Theatre, for which God would write
+the dramas (only that we like farces, spectacles, and the
+tragedies of Apollyon better), whose scene-shifter is Time, and
+whose curtain is rung down by Death.</p>
+
+<p>"Such thoughts will occur to me sometimes as I am tearing
+off the wrapper of my newspaper. Then suddenly that otherwise
+too often vacant sheet becomes invested for me with a
+strange kind of awe. Look! deaths and marriages, notices of
+inventions, discoveries, and books, lists of promotions, of killed,
+wounded, and missing, news of fires, accidents, of sudden
+wealth and as sudden poverty;&mdash;I hold in my hand the ends
+of myriad invisible electric conductors, along which tremble
+the joys, sorrows, wrongs, triumphs, hopes, and despairs of as
+many men and women everywhere. So that upon that mood
+of mind which seems to isolate me from mankind as a spectator
+of their puppet-pranks, another supervenes, in which I feel
+that I, too, unknown and unheard of, am yet of some import
+to my fellows. For, through my newspaper here, do not
+families take pains to send me, an entire stranger, news of a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span>
+death among them? Are not here two who would have me
+know of their marriage? And strangest of all, is not this
+singular person anxious to have me informed that he has
+received a fresh supply of Dimitry Bruisgins? But to none
+of us does the Present (even if for a moment discerned as such)
+continue miraculous. We glance carelessly at the sunrise, and
+get used to Orion and the Pleiades. The wonder wears off,
+and to-morrow this sheet, in which a vision was let down to
+me from Heaven, shall be the wrappage to a bar of soap or the
+platter for a beggar's broken victuals."&mdash;H. W.]</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="No_VII" id="No_VII"></a>No. VII.</h2>
+
+<h3>A LETTER</h3>
+
+<p class="hdtt">FROM A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN ANSWER TO SUTTIN
+QUESTIONS PROPOSED BY MR. HOSEA BIGLOW, INCLOSED IN
+A NOTE FROM MR. BIGLOW TO S. H. GAY, ESQ., EDITOR OF
+THE NATIONAL ANTISLAVERY STANDARD.</p>
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[Curiosity may be said to be the quality which pre-eminently
+distinguishes and segregates man from the lower animals. As
+we trace the scale of animated nature downward, we find this
+faculty of the mind (as it may truly be called) diminished in
+the savage, and quite extinct in the brute. The first object
+which civilized man proposes to himself I take to be the finding
+out whatsoever he can concerning his neighbours. <i>Nihil
+humanum a me alienum puto</i>; I am curious about even John
+Smith. The desire next in strength to this (an opposite pole,
+indeed, of the same magnet) is that of communicating intelligence.</p>
+
+<p>Men in general may be divided into the inquisitive and the
+communicative. To the first class belong Peeping Toms,
+eaves-droppers, navel-contemplating Brahmins, metaphysicians,
+travellers, Empedocleses, spies, the various societies for promoting
+Rhinothism, Columbuses, Yankees, discoverers, and
+men of science, who present themselves to the mind as so
+many marks of interrogation wandering up and down the
+world, or sitting in studies and laboratories. The second
+class I should again subdivide into four. In the first subdivision
+I would rank those who have an itch to tell us<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>
+about themselves,&mdash;as keepers of diaries, insignificant persons
+generally, Montaignes, Horace Walpoles, autobiographers,
+poets. The second includes those who are anxious to impart
+information concerning other people,&mdash;as historians, barbers,
+and such. To the third belong those who labour to give us
+intelligence about nothing at all,&mdash;as novelists, political
+orators, the large majority of authors, preachers, lecturers,
+and the like. In the fourth come those who are communicative
+from motives of public benevolence,&mdash;as finders of mares'-nests
+and bringers of ill news. Each of us two-legged fowls
+without feathers embraces all these subdivisions in himself to
+a greater or less degree, for none of us so much as lays an egg,
+or incubates a chalk one, but straightway the whole barn-yard
+shall know it by our cackle or our cluck. <i>Omnibus hoc vitium
+est.</i> There are different grades in all these classes. One
+will turn his telescope toward a back-yard, another toward
+Uranus; one will tell you that he dined with Smith, another
+that he supped with Plato. In one particular, all men may be
+considered as belonging to the first grand division, inasmuch
+as they all seem equally desirous of discovering the mote in
+their neighbour's eye.</p>
+
+<p>To one or another of these species every human being may
+safely be referred. I think it beyond a peradventure that
+Jonah prosecuted some inquiries into the digestive apparatus
+of whales, and that Noah sealed up a letter in an empty bottle,
+that news in regard to him might not be wanting in case of
+the worst. They had else been super or subter human. I
+conceive, also, that, as there are certain persons who continually
+peep and pry at the key-hole of that mysterious door
+through which, sooner or later, we all make our exits, so there
+are doubtless ghosts fidgeting and fretting on the other side
+of it, because they have no means of conveying back to the
+world the scraps of news they have picked up. For there is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span>
+an answer ready somewhere to every question, the great law
+of <i>give and take</i> runs through all nature, and if we see a hook,
+we may be sure that an eye is waiting for it. I read in every
+face I meet a standing advertisement of information wanted in
+regard to A. B., or that the friends of C. D. can hear of him
+by application to such a one.</p>
+
+<p>It was to gratify the two great passions of asking and
+answering, that epistolary correspondence was first invented.
+Letters (for by this usurped title epistles are now commonly
+known) are of several kinds. First, there are those which are
+not letters at all,&mdash;as letters patent, letters dimissory, letters
+inclosing bills, letters of administration, Pliny's letters, letters
+of diplomacy, of Cato, of Mentor, of Lords Lyttelton, Chesterfield,
+and Orrery, of Jacob Behmen, Seneca (whom St. Jerome
+includes in his list of sacred writers), letters from abroad,
+from sons in college to their fathers, letters of marque, and
+letters generally, which are in no wise letters of mark.
+Second, are real letters, such as those of Gray, Cowper, Walpole,
+Howel, Lamb, the first letters from children (printed in
+staggering capitals), Letters from New York, letters of credit,
+and others, interesting for the sake of the writer or the thing
+written. I have read also letters from Europe by a gentleman
+named Pinto, containing some curious gossip, and which I
+hope to see collected for the benefit of the curious. There are,
+besides, letters addressed to posterity,&mdash;as epitaphs, for
+example, written for their own monuments by monarchs,
+whereby we have lately become possessed of the names of
+several great conquerors and kings of kings, hitherto unheard
+of and still unpronounceable, but valuable to the student of
+the entirely dark ages. The letter which St. Peter sent to
+King Pepin in the year of grace 755 I would place in a class
+by itself, as also the letters of candidates, concerning which I
+shall dilate more fully in a note at the end of the following<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span>
+poem. At present, <i>sat prata biberunt</i>. Only, concerning the
+shape of letters, they are all either square or oblong, to which
+general figures circular letters and round-robins also conform
+themselves.&mdash;H. W.]</p></div>
+
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Deer sir</span> its gut to be the fashun now to rite letters
+to the candid 8s and i wus chose at a publick Meetin
+in Jaalam to du wut wus nessary fur that town. i writ
+to 271 ginerals and gut ansers to 209. tha air called
+candid 8s but I don't see nothin candid about em.
+this here 1 wich I send wus thought satty's factory.
+I dunno as it's ushle to print Poscrips, but as all the
+ansers I got hed the saim, I sposed it wus best. times
+has gretly changed. Formaly to knock a man into a
+cocked hat wus to use him up, but now it ony gives
+him a chance fur the cheef madgustracy.&mdash;H. B.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<div class="cpoem25"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Dear Sir</span>,&mdash;You wish to know my notions<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">On sartin pints thet rile the land;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There 's nothin' thet my natur so shuns<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Ez bein' mum or underhand;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'm a straight-spoken kind o' creetur<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Thet blurts right out wut 's in his head,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' ef I 've one pecooler feetur,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">It is a nose thet wunt be led.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">So, to begin at the beginnin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' come direcly to the pint,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I think the country's underpinnin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Is some consid'ble out o' jint;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I aint agoin' to try your patience<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">By tellin' who done this or thet,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I don't make no insinooations,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I jest let on I smell a rat.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Thet is, I mean, it seems to me so,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">But, ef the public think I 'm wrong,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I wunt deny but wut I be so,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An', fact, it don't smell very strong;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">My mind 's tu fair to lose its balance<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' say wich party hez most sense;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There may be folks o' greater talence<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Thet can't set stiddier on the fence.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I 'm an eclectic; ez to choosin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">'Twixt this an' thet, I 'm plaguy lawth;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I leave a side thet looks like losin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">But (wile there 's doubt) I stick to both;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I stan' upon the Constitution,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Ez preudunt statesmun say, who 've planned<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A way to git the most profusion<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">O' chances ez to <i>ware</i> they 'll stand.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Ez fer the war, I go agin it,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I mean to say I kind o' du,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet is, I mean thet, bein' in it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The best way wuz to fight it thru;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Not but wut abstract war is horrid,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I sign to thet with all my heart,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But civlyzation <i>doos</i> git forrid<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Sometimes upon a powder-cart.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">About thet darned Proviso matter<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I never hed a grain o' doubt,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nor I aint one my sense to scatter<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">So 's no one could n't pick it out;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">My love fer North an' South is equil,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">So I 'll jest answer plump an' frank,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">No matter wut may be the sequil,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Yes, Sir, I <i>am</i> agin a Bank.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Ez to the answerin' o' questions,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I 'm an off ox at bein' druv,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Though I aint one thet ary test shuns<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">'ll give our folks a helpin' shove;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Kind o' promiscoous I go it<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Fer the holl country, an' the ground<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I take, ez nigh ez I can show it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Is pooty gen'ally all round.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I don't appruve o' givin' pledges;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">You 'd ough' to leave a feller free,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' not go knockin' out the wedges<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To ketch his fingers in the tree;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Pledges air awfle breachy cattle<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Thet preudunt farmers don't turn out,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ez long 'z the people git their rattle,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Wut is there fer 'm to grout about?<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Ez to the slaves, there 's no confusion<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In <i>my</i> idees consarnin' them,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0"><i>I</i> think they air an Institution,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">A sort of&mdash;yes, jest so,&mdash;ahem:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Do <i>I</i> own any? Of my merit<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">On thet pint you yourself may jedge;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">All is, I never drink no sperit,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Nor I haint never signed no pledge.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Ez to my principles, I glory<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In hevin' nothin' o' the sort;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I aint a Wig, I aint a Tory,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I 'm jest a candidate, in short;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet 's fair an' square an' parpendicler,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">But, ef the Public cares a fig,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To hev me an' thin' in particler,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Wy I 'm a kind o' peri-wig.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i6">P. S.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Ez we 're a sort o' privateerin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">O' course, you know, it 's sheer an' sheer,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' there is sutthin' wuth your hearin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I 'll mention in <i>your</i> privit ear;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef you git <i>me</i> inside the White House,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Your head with ile I 'll kin' o' 'nint<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">By gittin' <i>you</i> inside the Light-house<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Down to the eend o' Jaalam Pint.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">An' ez the North hez took to brustlin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">At bein' scrouged frum off the roost,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'll tell ye wut 'll save all tusslin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' give our side a harnsome boost,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Tell 'em thet on the Slavery question<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I 'm <span class="smcap">right</span>, although to speak I 'm lawth;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">This gives you a safe pint to rest on,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">An' leaves me frontin' South by North.<br /></span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[And now of epistles candidatial, which are of two kinds,&mdash;namely,
+letters of acceptance, and letters definitive of position.
+Our republic, on the eve of an election, may safely enough be
+called a republic of letters. Epistolary composition becomes
+then an epidemic, which seizes one candidate after another, not
+seldom cutting short the thread of political life. It has come
+to such a pass, that a party dreads less the attacks of its opponents
+than a letter from its candidate. <i>Litera scripta manet</i>,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span>
+and it will go hard if something bad cannot be made of it.
+General Harrison, it is well understood, was surrounded, during
+his candidacy, with the <i>cordon sanitaire</i> of a vigilance committee.
+No prisoner in Spielberg was ever more cautiously
+deprived of writing materials. The soot was scraped carefully
+from the chimney-places; outposts of expert rifle-shooters
+rendered it sure death for any goose (who came clad in feathers)
+to approach within a certain limited distance of North
+Bend; and all domestic fowls about the premises were reduced
+to the condition of Plato's original man. By these precautions
+the General was saved. <i>Parva componere magnis</i>, I remember,
+that, when party-spirit once ran high among my people, upon
+occasion of the choice of a new deacon, I, having my preferences,
+yet not caring too openly to express them, made use of
+an innocent fraud to bring about that result which I deemed
+most desirable. My stratagem was no other than the throwing
+a copy of the Complete Letter-Writer in the way of the candidate
+whom I wished to defeat. He caught the infection,
+and addressed a short note to his constituents, in which the
+opposite party detected so many and so grave improprieties
+(he had modeled it upon the letter of a young lady accepting
+a proposal of marriage), that he not only lost his election, but,
+falling under a suspicion of Sabellianism and I know not what
+(the widow Endive assured me that he was a Paralipomenon,
+to her certain knowledge), was forced to leave the town. Thus
+it is that the letter killeth.</p>
+
+<p>The object which candidates propose to themselves in writing
+is to convey no meaning at all. And here is a quite unsuspected
+pitfall into which they successively plunge headlong.
+For it is precisely in such cryptographies that mankind are
+prone to seek for and find a wonderful amount and variety of
+significance. <i>Omne ignotum pro mirifico.</i> How do we admire
+at the antique world striving to crack those oracular nuts from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span>
+Delphi, Ammon, and elsewhere, in only one of which can I
+so much as surmise that any kernel had ever lodged; that,
+namely, wherein Apollo confessed that he was mortal. One
+Didymus is, moreover, related to have written six thousand
+books on the single subject of grammar, a topic rendered only
+more tenebrific by the labours of his successors, and which
+seems still to possess an attraction for authors in proportion
+as they can make nothing of it. A singular loadstone for
+theologians, also, is the Beast in the Apocalypse, whereof, in
+the course of my studies, I have noted two hundred and three
+several interpretations, each lethiferal to all the rest. <i>Non
+nostrum est tantas componere lites</i>, yet I have myself ventured
+upon a two hundred and fourth, which I embodied in a discourse
+preached on occasion of the demise of the late usurper,
+Napoleon Bonaparte, and which quieted, in a large measure,
+the minds of my people. It is true that my views on this important
+point were ardently controverted by Mr. Shearjashub
+Holden, the then preceptor of our academy, and in other particulars
+a very deserving and sensible young man, though possessing
+a somewhat limited knowledge of the Greek tongue.
+But his heresy struck down no deep root, and, he having been
+lately removed by the hand of Providence, I had the satisfaction
+of re-affirming my cherished sentiments in a sermon preached
+upon the Lord's-day immediately succeeding his funeral. This
+might seem like taking an unfair advantage, did I not add that
+he had made provision in his last will (being celibate) for the
+publication of a posthumous tractate in support of his own
+dangerous opinions.</p>
+
+<p>I know of nothing in our modern times which approaches
+so nearly to the ancient oracle as the letter of a Presidential
+candidate. Now, among the Greeks, the eating of beans was
+strictly forbidden to all such as had it in mind to consult those
+expert amphibologists, and this same prohibition on the part<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span>
+of Pythagoras to his disciples is understood to imply an abstinence
+from politics, beans having been used as ballots. That
+other explication, <i>quod videlicet sensus eo cibo obtundi existimaret</i>,
+though supported <i>pugnis et calcibus</i> by many of the
+learned, and not wanting the countenance of Cicero, is confuted
+by the larger experience of New England. On the
+whole, I think it safer to apply here the rule of interpretation
+which now generally obtains in regard to antique cosmogonies,
+myths, fables, proverbial expressions, and knotty points generally,
+which is, to find a common-sense meaning, and then
+select whatever can be imagined the most opposite thereto.
+In this way we arrive at the conclusion, that the Greeks objected
+to the questioning of candidates. And very properly,
+if, as I conceive, the chief point be not to discover what a person
+in that position is, or what he will do, but whether he can
+be elected. <i>Vos exemplaria Gr&aelig;ca nocturna versate manu, versate
+diurna.</i></p>
+
+<p>But, since an imitation of the Greeks in this particular (the
+asking of questions being one chief privilege of freemen) is
+hardly to be hoped for, and our candidates will answer, whether
+they are questioned or not, I would recommend that these
+ante-electionary dialogues should be carried on by symbols, as
+were the diplomatic correspondences of the Scythians and
+Macrobii, or confined to the language of signs, like the famous
+interview of Panurge and Goatsnose. A candidate might then
+convey a suitable reply to all committees of inquiry by closing
+one eye, or by presenting them with a phial of Egyptian darkness
+to be speculated upon by their respective constituencies.
+These answers would be susceptible of whatever retrospective
+construction the exigencies of the political campaign might
+seem to demand, and the candidate could take his position on
+either side of the fence with entire consistency. Or, if letters
+must be written, profitable use might be made of the Dighton<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span>
+rock hieroglyphic or the cuneiform script, every fresh decipherer
+of which is enabled to educe a different meaning, whereby a
+sculptured stone or two supplies us, and will probably continue
+to supply posterity, with a very vast and various body of authentic
+history. For even the briefest epistle in the ordinary
+chirography is dangerous. There is scarce any style so compressed
+that superfluous words may not be detected in it. A
+severe critic might curtail that famous brevity of C&aelig;sar's by
+two thirds, drawing his pen through the supererogatory <i>veni</i>
+and <i>vidi</i>. Perhaps, after all, the surest footing of hope is to
+be found in the rapidly increasing tendency to demand less and
+less of qualification in candidates. Already have statesmanship,
+experience, and the possession (nay, the profession, even)
+of principles been rejected as superfluous, and may not the
+patriot reasonably hope that the ability to write will follow?
+At present, there may be death in pot-hooks as well as pots,
+the loop of a letter may suffice for a bow-string, and all the
+dreadful heresies of Anti-slavery may lurk in a flourish.&mdash;H. W.]</p>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="No_VIII" id="No_VIII"></a>No. VIII.</h2>
+
+
+<h3>A SECOND LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.</h3>
+
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[In the following epistle, we behold Mr. Sawin returning a
+<i>miles emeritus</i>, to the bosom of his family. <i>Quantum mutatus!</i>
+The good Father of us all had doubtless entrusted to the keeping
+of this child of his certain faculties of a constructive kind.
+He had put in him a share of that vital force, the nicest economy
+of every minute atom of which is necessary to the perfect
+development of Humanity. He had given him a brain and
+heart, and so had equipped his soul with the two strong wings
+of knowledge and love, whereby it can mount to hang its nest
+under the eaves of heaven. And this child, so dowered, he
+had entrusted to the keeping of his vicar, the State. How
+stands the account of that stewardship? The State, or Society
+(call her by what name you will), had taken no manner
+of thought of him till she saw him swept out into the street,
+the pitiful leavings of last night's debauch, with cigar-ends,
+lemon-parings, tobacco-quids, slops, vile stenches, and the
+whole loathsome next-morning of the bar-room,&mdash;an own child
+of the Almighty God! I remember him as he was brought to
+be christened, a ruddy, rugged babe; and now there he wallows,
+reeking, seething,&mdash;the dead corpse, not of a man, but of a
+soul,&mdash;a putrefying lump, horrible for the life that is in it.
+Comes the wind of heaven, that good Samaritan, and parts the
+hair upon his forehead, nor is too nice to kiss those parched,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span>
+cracked lips; the morning opens upon him her eyes full of
+pitying sunshine, the sky yearns down to him,&mdash;and there he
+lies fermenting. O sleep! let me not profane thy holy name
+by calling that stertorous unconsciousness a slumber! By and
+by comes along the State, God's vicar. Does she say,&mdash;"My
+poor, forlorn foster-child! Behold here a force which I will
+make dig and plant and build for me"? Not so, but,&mdash;"Here
+is a recruit ready-made to my hand, a piece of destroying
+energy lying unprofitably idle." So she claps an ugly grey
+suit on him, puts a musket in his grasp, and sends him off,
+with Gubernatorial and other godspeeds, to do duty as a
+destroyer.</p>
+
+<p>I made one of the crowd at the last Mechanics' Fair, and,
+with the rest, stood gazing in wonder at a perfect machine,
+with its soul of fire, its boiler-heart that sent the hot blood
+pulsing along the iron arteries, and its thews of steel. And
+while I was admiring the adaptation of means to end, the harmonious
+involutions of contrivance, and the never-bewildered
+complexity, I saw a grimed and greasy fellow, the imperious
+engine's lackey and drudge, whose sole office was to let fall,
+at intervals, a drop or two of oil upon a certain joint. Then
+my soul said within me, See there a piece of mechanism to
+which that other you marvel at is but as the rude first effort
+of a child,&mdash;a force which not merely suffices to set a few
+wheels in motion, but which can send an impulse all through
+the infinite future,&mdash;a contrivance, not for turning out pins,
+or stitching button-holes, but for making Hamlets and Lears.
+And yet this thing of iron shall be housed, waited on, guarded
+from rust and dust, and it shall be a crime but so much as to
+scratch it with a pin; while the other, with its fire of God in
+it, shall be buffeted hither and thither, and finally sent carefully
+a thousand miles to be the target for a Mexican cannon-ball.
+Unthrifty Mother State! My heart burned within me for pity<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span>
+and indignation, and I renewed this covenant with my own
+soul,&mdash;<i>In aliis mansuetus ero, at, in blasphemiis contra Christum,
+non ita.</i>&mdash;H. W.]</p></div>
+
+<div class="cpoem40"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I spose you wonder ware I be; I can't tell, fer the soul o' me,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Exacly ware I be myself,&mdash;meanin' by thet the holl o' me.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen I left hum, I hed two legs, an' they worn't bad ones neither<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(The scaliest trick they ever played wuz bringin' on me hither),<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Now one on 'em 's I dunno ware;&mdash;they thought I wuz adyin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' sawed it off, because they said 'twuz kin' o' mortifyin';<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'm willin' to believe it wuz, an' yit I don't see, nuther,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wy one should take to feelin' cheap a minnit sooner 'n t'other,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sence both wuz equilly to blame; but things is ez they be;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It took on so they took it off, an' thet 's enough fer me:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There 's one good thing, though, to be said about my wooden new one,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The liquor can't get into it ez 't used to in the true one;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">So it saves drink; an' then, besides, a feller could n't beg.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A gretter blessin' then to hev one ollers sober peg;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It 's true a chap 's in want o' two fer follerin' a drum,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But all the march I 'm up to now is jest to Kingdom Come.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I 've lost one eye, but thet 's a loss it 's easy to supply<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Out o' the glory thet I 've gut, fer thet is all my eye;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' one is big enough, I guess, by diligently usin' it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To see all I shall ever git by way o' pay fer losin' it;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Off'cers, I notice, who git paid fer all our thumps an' kickins,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Du wal by keepin' single eyes arter the fattest pickins;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So, ez the eye 's put fairly out, I 'll larn to go without it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' not allow <i>myself</i> to be no gret put out about it.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Now, le' me see, thet is n't all; I used, 'fore leavin' Jaalam,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To count things on my finger-eends, but sutthin' seems to ail 'em:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ware 's my left hand? O, darn it, yes, I recollect wut 's come on 't;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I haint no left arm but my right, an' thet 's gut jest a thumb on 't;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It aint so hendy ez it wuz to cal'late a sum on 't.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 've hed some ribs broke,&mdash;six (I b'lieve),&mdash;I haint kep' no account on 'em;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen pensions git to be the talk, I 'll settle the amount on 'em.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' now I 'm speakin' about ribs, it kin' o' brings to mind<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">One thet I could n't never break,&mdash;the one I lef' behind;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef you should see her, jest clear out the spout o' your invention<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' pour the longest sweetnin'-in about an annooal pension,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' kin' o' hint (in case, you know, the critter should refuse to be<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Consoled) I aint so 'xpensive now to keep ez wut I used to be;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There 's one arm less, ditto one eye, an' then the leg thet 's wooden<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Can be took off an' sot away wenever ther' 's a puddin'.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I spose you think I 'm comin' back ez opperlunt ez thunder,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With shiploads o' gold images, an' varus sorts o' plunder;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wal, 'fore I vullinteered, I thought this country wuz a sort o'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Canaan, a reg'lar Promised Land flowin' with rum an' water,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ware propaty growed up like time, without no cultivation,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">An' gold wuz dug ez taters be among our Yankee nation,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ware nateral advantages were pufficly amazin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ware every rock there wuz about with precious stuns wuz blazin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ware mill-sites filled the country up ez thick ez you could cram 'em,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' desput rivers run about abeggin' folks to dam 'em;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then there were meetinhouses, tu, chockful o' gold an' silver<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet you could take, an' no one could n't hand ye in no bill fer;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet 's wut I thought afore I went, thet 's wut them fellers told us<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet stayed to hum an' speechified an' to the buzzards sold us;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I thought thet gold mines could be gut cheaper than china asters,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' see myself acomin' back like sixty Jacob Astors;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But sech idees soon melted down an' did n't leave a grease-spot;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I vow my holl sheer o' the spiles would n't come nigh a V spot;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Although, most anywares we 've ben, you need n't break no locks,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nor run no kin' o' risks, to fill your pocket full o' rocks.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I guess I mentioned in my last some o' the nateral feeturs<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O' this all-fiered buggy hole in th' way o' awfle creeturs,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But I fergut to name (new things to speak on so abounded)<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">How one day you 'll most die o' thust, an' 'fore the next git drownded.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The clymit seems to me jest like a teapot made o' pewter<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Our Prudence hed, thet would n't pour (all she could du) to suit her;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fust place the leaves 'ould choke the spout, so 's not a drop 'ould dreen out,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then Prude 'ould tip an' tip an' tip, till the holl kit bust clean out,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The kiver-hinge-pin bein' lost, tea-leaves an' tea an' kiver<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'ould all come down <i>kerswosh!</i> ez though the dam broke in a river.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Jest so 't is here; holl months there aint a day o' rainy weather,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' jest ez th' officers 'ould be alayin' heads together<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ez t' how they 'd mix their drink at sech a milingtary deepot,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'T 'ould pour ez though the lid wuz off the everlastin' teapot.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The cons'quence is, thet I shall take, wen I 'm allowed to leave here,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">One piece o' propaty along,&mdash;an' thet 's the shakin' fever;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It 's reggilar employment, though, an' thet aint thought to harm one,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nor 't aint so tiresome ez it wuz with t' other leg an' arm on;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' it 's a consolation, tu, although it does n't pay,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To hev it said you 're some gret shakes in any kin' o' way.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'T worn't very long, I tell ye wut, I thought o' fortin-makin',&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">One day a reg'lar shiver-de-freeze, an' next ez good ez bakin',&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">One day abrilin' in the sand, then smoth'rin' in the mashes,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Git up all sound, be put to bed a mess o' hacks an' smashes.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But then, thinks I, at any rate there 's glory to be hed,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet 's an investment, arter all, thet may n't turn out so bad;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But somehow, wen we 'd fit an' licked, I ollers found the thanks<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Gut kin' o' lodged afore they come ez low down ez the ranks;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">The Gin'rals gut the biggest sheer, the Cunnles next, an' so on,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0"><i>We</i> never gut a blasted mite o' glory ez I know on;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' spose we hed, I wonder how you 're goin' to contrive its<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Division so 's to give a piece to twenty thousand privits;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef you should multiply by ten the portion o' the brav'st one,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You would n't git more 'n half enough to speak of on a grave-stun;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We git the licks,&mdash;we 're jest the grist thet 's put into War's hoppers;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Leftenants is the lowest grade thet helps pick up the coppers.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It may suit folks thet go agin a body with a soul in 't,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' aint contented with a hide without a bagnet hole in 't;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But glory is a kin' o' thing <i>I</i> shan't pursue no furder,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Coz thet 's the off'cers parquisite,&mdash;yourn 's on'y jest the murder.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Wal, arter I gin glory up, thinks I at least there 's one<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thing in the bills we aint hed yit, an' thet 's the <span class="smcap">glorious fun</span>;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef once we git to Mexico, we fairly may persume we<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">All day an' night shall revel in the halls o' Montezumy.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'll tell ye wut <i>my</i> revels wuz, an' see how you would like 'em;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0"><i>We</i> never gut inside the hall: the nighest ever <i>I</i> come<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wuz stan'in' sentry in the sun (an', fact, it <i>seemed</i> a cent'ry)<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A ketchin' smells o' biled an' roast thet come out thru the entry,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' hearin', ez I sweltered thru my passes an' repasses,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A rat-tat-too o' knives an' forks, a clinkty-clink o' glasses:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I can't tell off the bill o' fare the Gin'rals hed inside<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">All I know is, thet out o' doors a pair o' soles wuz fried,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' not a hunderd miles away frum ware this child wuz posted,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A Massachusetts citizen wuz baked an' biled an' roasted;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The on'y thing like revellin' thet ever come to me<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wuz bein' routed out o' sleep by thet darned revelee.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">They say the quarrel 's settled now; fer my part I 've some doubt on 't,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'T 'll take more fish-skin than folks think to take the rile clean out on 't;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">At any rate, I 'm so used up I can't do no more fightin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The on'y chance thet 's left to me is politics or writin';<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Now, ez the people 's gut to hev a milingtary man,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' I aint nothin' else jest now, I 've hit upon a plan;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">The can'idatin' line, you know, 'ould suit me to a T,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' ef I lose, 't wunt hurt my ears to lodge another flea;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So I 'll set up ez can'idate fer any kin' o' office<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(I mean fer any thet includes good easy-cheers an' soffies;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer ez to runnin' fer a place ware work 's the time o' day,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You know thet 's wut I never did,&mdash;except the other way);<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef it 's the Presidential cheer fer wich I 'd better run,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wut two legs anywares about could keep up with my one?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There aint no kin' o' quality in can'idates, it 's said,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So useful ez a wooden leg,&mdash;except a wooden head;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There 's nothin' aint so poppylar&mdash;(wy, it 's a parfect sin<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To think wut Mexico hez paid fer Santy Anny's pin;)&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then I haint gut no principles, an', sence I wuz knee-high,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I never <i>did</i> hev any gret, ez you can testify;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'm a decided peace-man, tu, an' go agin the war,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer now the holl on 't 's gone an' past, wut is there to go <i>for</i>?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef, wile you 're 'lectioneerin' round, some curus chaps should beg<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To know my views o' state affairs, jest answer <span class="smcap">wooden leg</span>!<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef they aint settisfied with thet, an' kin' o' pry an' doubt<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' ax fer sutthin' deffynit, jest say <span class="smcap">one eye put out</span>!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet kin' o' talk I guess you 'll find 'll answer to a charm,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' wen you 're druv tu nigh the wall, hol' up my missin' arm;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef they should nose round fer a pledge, put on a vartoous look<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' tell 'em thet 's percisely wut I never gin nor&mdash;took!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Then you can call me "Timbertoes,"&mdash;thet 's wut the people likes;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sutthin' combinin' morril truth with phrases sech ez strikes;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Some say the people 's fond o' this, or thet, or wut you please,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I tell ye wut the people want is jest correct idees;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"Old Timbertoes," you see 's a creed it 's safe to be quite bold on,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There 's nothin' in 't the other side can any ways git hold on;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It 's a good tangible idee, a sutthin' to embody<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet valooable class o' men who look thru brandy-toddy;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It gives a Party Platform tu, jest level with the mind<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Of all right-thinkin', honest folks thet mean to go it blind;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then there air other good hooraws to dror on ez you need 'em,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sech ez the <span class="smcap">one-eyed Slarterer</span>, the <span class="smcap">bloody Birdofredum</span>;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Them 's wut takes hold o' folks thet think, ez well ez o' the masses,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' makes you sartin o' the aid o' good men of all classes.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">There 's one thing I 'm in doubt about; in order to be Presidunt,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It 's absolutely ne'ssary to be a Southern residunt;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The Constitution settles thet, an' also thet a feller<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Must own a nigger o' some sort, jet black, or brown, or yeller.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Now I haint no objections agin particklar climes,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nor agin ownin' anythin' (except the truth sometimes),<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But, ez I haint no capital, up there among ye, may be,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You might raise funds enough fer me to buy a low-priced baby,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' then, to suit the No'thern folks, who feel obleeged to say<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They hate an' cuss the very thing they vote fer every day,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Say you 're assured I go full butt fer Libbaty's diffusion<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">An' made the purchis on'y jest to spite the Institootion;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But, golly! there 's the currier's hoss upon the pavement pawin'!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'll be more 'xplicit in my next.<br /></span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+<p class="sign1">Yourn,<br />
+BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN.</p>
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[We have now a tolerably fair chance of estimating how the
+balance-sheet stands between our returned volunteer and glory.
+Supposing the entries to be set down on both sides of the account
+in fractional parts of one hundred, we shall arrive at something
+like the following result:&mdash;</p></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table class="taba" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="">
+<tr><td class="center" colspan="7"><span class="smcap">B. Sawin</span>, Esq., <i>in account with</i> (<span class="smcap">Blank</span>) <span class="smcap">Glory</span>.</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf1"><i>Cr.</i></td><td class="center" colspan="5">&nbsp;</td><td class="rt1"><i>Dr.</i></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="lf1">By</td><td class="lf1">loss of one leg</td><td class="rt1">20</td><td class="rt1" style="width:10%;">&nbsp;</td><td class="lf1">To</td><td class="lf1">one 675th three cheers</td><td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="lf1">"</td><td class="lf1">do. one arm</td><td class="rt1">15</td><td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td><td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td><td class="lf1">in Faneuil Hall</td><td class="rt1">30</td></tr>
+
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">"</td>
+<td class="lf1">do. four fingers</td>
+<td class="rt1">5</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">"</td>
+<td class="lf1">do. do. on occasion</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">"</td>
+<td class="lf1">do. one eye</td>
+<td class="rt1">10</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">of presentation of</td>
+<td class="rt1"></td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">"</td>
+<td class="lf1">the breaking of six ribs</td>
+<td class="rt1">6</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">sword to Colonel Wright</td>
+<td class="rt1">25</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">"</td>
+<td class="lf1">having served under</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">"</td>
+<td class="lf1">one suit of grey clothes</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">Colonel Cushing one</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">(ingeniously unbecoming)</td>
+<td class="rt1">15</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">month</td>
+<td class="rt1">44</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">"</td>
+<td class="lf1">musical entertainments</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">(drum and fife six</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">months)</td>
+<td class="rt1">5</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">"</td>
+<td class="lf1">one dinner after return</td>
+<td class="rt1">1</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">"</td>
+<td class="lf1">chance of pension</td>
+<td class="rt1">1</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">"</td>
+<td class="lf1">privilege of drawing</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">longbow during rest of</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">natural life</td>
+<td class="rt1">23</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&mdash;&mdash;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">&mdash;&mdash;</td></tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">E. E.</td>
+<td class="rt1">100</td>
+<td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="lf1">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="rt1">100</td></tr>
+
+</table></div>
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span>It would appear that Mr. Sawin found the actual feast
+curiously the reverse of the bill of fare advertised in Faneuil
+Hall and other places. His primary object seems to have
+been the making of his fortune. <i>Qu&aelig;renda pecunia primum,
+virtus post nummos.</i> He hoisted sail for Eldorado, and shipwrecked
+on Point Tribulation. <i>Quid non mortalia pectora
+cogis, auri sacra fames?</i> The speculation has sometimes
+crossed my mind, in that dreary interval of drought which
+intervenes between quarterly stipendiary showers, that Providence,
+by the creation of a money-tree, might have simplified
+wonderfully the sometimes perplexing problem of human life.
+We read of bread-trees, the butter for which lies ready-churned
+in Irish bogs. Milk-trees we are assured of in South
+America, and stout Sir John Hawkins testifies to water-trees
+in the Canaries. Boot-trees bear abundantly in Lynn and
+elsewhere; and I have seen, in the entries of the wealthy, hat-trees
+with a fair show of fruit. A family-tree I once cultivated
+myself, and found therefrom but a scanty yield, and that
+quite tasteless and innutritious. Of trees bearing men we are
+not without examples; as those in the park of Louis the
+Eleventh of France. Who has forgotten, moreover, that
+olive-tree growing in the Athenian's back-garden, with its
+strange uxorious crop, for the general propagation of which,
+as of a new and precious variety, the philosopher Diogenes,
+hitherto uninterested in arboriculture, was so zealous? In
+the <i>sylva</i> of our own Southern States, the females of my family
+have called my attention to the china-tree. Not to multiply
+examples, I will barely add to my list the birch-tree, in the
+smaller branches of which has been implanted so miraculous
+a virtue for communicating the Latin and Greek languages,
+and which may well therefore be classed among the trees
+producing necessaries of life,&mdash;<i>venerabile donum fatalis virg&aelig;</i>.
+That money-trees existed in the golden age there want not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>
+prevalent reasons for our believing. For does not the old
+proverb, when it asserts that money does not grow on <i>every</i>
+bush, imply <i>&agrave; fortiori</i>, that there were certain bushes which
+did produce it? Again, there is another ancient saw to the
+effect that money is the <i>root</i> of all evil. From which two
+adages it may be safe to infer that the aforesaid species of tree
+first degenerated into a shrub, then absconded underground,
+and finally, in our iron age, vanished altogether. In favourable
+exposures it may be conjectured that a specimen or two survived
+to a great age, as in the garden of the Hesperides; and,
+indeed, what else could that tree in the Sixth &AElig;neid have
+been, with a branch whereof the Trojan hero procured admission
+to a territory, for the entering of which money is a
+surer passport than to a certain other more profitable (too)
+foreign kingdom? Whether these speculations of mine have
+any force in them, or whether they will not rather, by most
+readers, be deemed impertinent to the matter in hand, is a
+question which I leave to the determination of an indulgent
+posterity. That there were, in more primitive and happier
+times, shops where money was sold,&mdash;and that, too, on credit
+and at a bargain,&mdash;I take to be matter of demonstration. For
+what but a dealer in this article was that &AElig;olus who supplied
+Ulysses with motive power for his fleet in bags? What that
+Ericus, king of Sweden, who is said to have kept the winds in
+his cap? What, in more recent times, those Lapland Nornas
+who traded in favourable breezes? All which will appear the
+more clearly when we consider, that, even to this day, <i>raising
+the wind</i> is proverbial for raising money, and that brokers and
+banks were invented by the Venetians at a later period.</p>
+
+<p>And now for the improvement of this digression. I find a
+parallel to Mr. Sawin's fortune in an adventure of my own.
+For, shortly after I had first broached to myself the before-stated
+natural-historical and arch&aelig;ological theories, as I was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>
+passing, <i>h&aelig;c negotia penitus mecum revolvens</i>, through one
+of the obscure suburbs of our New England metropolis, my
+eye was attracted by these words upon a sign-board,&mdash;<span class="smcap">Cheap
+Cash-Store</span>. Here was at once the confirmation of my speculations,
+and the substance of my hopes. Here lingered the
+fragment of a happier past, or stretched out the first tremulous
+organic filament of a more fortunate future. Thus glowed the
+distant Mexico to the eyes of Sawin, as he looked through the
+dirty pane of the recruiting-office window, or speculated from
+the summit of that mirage-Pisgah which the imps of the bottle
+are so cunning in raising up. Already had my Alnaschar-fancy
+(even during that first half-believing glance) expended in various
+useful directions the funds to be obtained by pledging
+the manuscript of a proposed volume of discourses. Already
+did a clock ornament the tower of the Jaalam meeting-house&mdash;a
+gift appropriately, but modestly, commemorated in the parish
+and town records, both, for now many years, kept by myself.
+Already had my son Seneca completed his course at the University.
+Whether, for the moment, we may not be considered
+as actually lording it over those Baratarias with the viceroyalty
+of which Hope invests us, and whether we are ever so warmly
+housed as in our Spanish castles, would afford matter of argument.
+Enough that I found that sign-board to be no other
+than a bait to the trap of a decayed grocer. Nevertheless, I
+bought a pound of dates (getting short weight by reason of
+immense flights of harpy flies, who pursued and lighted upon
+their prey even in the very scales), which purchase I made,
+not only with an eye to the little ones at home, but also as a
+figurative reproof of that too-frequent habit of my mind, which,
+forgetting the due order of chronology, will often persuade me
+that the happy sceptre of Saturn is stretched over this Astr&aelig;a-forsaken
+nineteenth century.</p>
+
+<p>Having glanced at the ledger of Glory under the title<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span>
+<i>Sawin, B.</i>, let us extend our investigations, and discover if that
+instructive volume does not contain some charges more personally
+interesting to ourselves. I think we should be more
+economical of our resources, did we thoroughly appreciate the
+fact, that, whenever Brother Jonathan seems to be thrusting
+his hand into his own pocket, he is, in fact, picking ours. I
+confess that the late <i>muck</i> which the country has been running,
+has materially changed my views as to the best method of
+raising revenue. If, by means of direct taxation, the bills for
+every extraordinary outlay were brought under our immediate
+eye, so that, like thrifty housekeepers, we could see where and
+how fast the money was going, we should be less likely to
+commit extravagances. At present, these things are managed
+in such a hugger-mugger way, that we know not what we pay
+for; the poor man is charged as much as the rich; and, while
+we are saving and scrimping at the spigot, the government is
+drawing off at the bung. If we could know that a part of the
+money we expend for tea and coffee goes to buy powder and
+ball, and that it is Mexican blood which makes the clothes on
+our backs more costly, it would set some of us athinking.
+During the present fall, I have often pictured to myself a
+government official entering my study, and handing me the
+following bill:&mdash;</p></div>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span></p>
+<div class='center'>
+<table class="tabc" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="">
+
+<tr><td class="rt1" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Washington</span>, Sept. 30, 1848.</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="rt1" colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="center"><span class="smcap">Rev. Homer Wilbur</span> <i>to</i> <b>Uncle Samuel</b>,</td><td class="rt1"><i>Dr.</i></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="rt1" colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf2">To his share of work done in Mexico on partnership account, sundry jobs, as below.</td><td class="rt1" style="width: 15%;">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="lf2">"&nbsp;&nbsp;killing, maiming, and wounding about 5,000 Mexicans</td><td class="rt1">$2.00</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf2">"&nbsp;&nbsp;slaughtering one woman carrying water to wounded</td><td class="rt1">.10</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf2">"&nbsp;&nbsp;extra work on two different Sabbaths (one bombardment
+and one assault) whereby the Mexicans were prevented
+from defiling themselves with the idolatries of high
+mass</td><td class="rt1">3.50</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="lf2">"&nbsp;&nbsp;throwing an especially fortunate and Protestant
+bomb-shell into the Cathedral at Vera Cruz, whereby
+several female Papists were slain at the altar</td><td class="rt1">.50</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf2">"&nbsp;&nbsp;his proportion of cash paid for conquered territory</td><td class="rt1">1.75</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf2">"&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;do.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;do.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;for conquering&nbsp; do.</td><td class="rt1">1.50</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf2">"&nbsp;&nbsp;manuring do. with new superior compost called
+"American Citizen"</td><td class="rt1">.50</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf2">"&nbsp;&nbsp;extending the area of freedom and Protestantism</td><td class="rt1">.01</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf2">"&nbsp;&nbsp;glory</td><td class="rt1">.01</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf2">&nbsp;</td><td class="rt1">&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf2">&nbsp;</td><td class="rt1">$9.87</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="lf2"><i>Immediate payment is requested.</i></td><td class="rt1">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+<p>N.B. Thankful for former favours, U. S. requests a continuance
+of patronage. Orders executed with neatness and
+despatch. Terms as low as those of any other contractor for
+the same kind and style of work.</p>
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>I can fancy the official answering my look of horror with,&mdash;"Yes,
+Sir, it looks like a high charge, Sir; but in these days
+slaughtering is slaughtering." Verily, I would that every one
+understood that it was; for it goes about obtaining money
+under the false pretence of being glory. For me, I have an
+imagination which plays me uncomfortable tricks. It happens
+to me sometimes to see a slaughterer on his way home from
+his day's work, and forthwith my imagination puts a cocked-hat
+upon his head, and epaulettes upon his shoulders, and sets
+him up as a candidate for the Presidency. So, also, on a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span>
+recent public occasion, as the place assigned to the "Reverend
+Clergy" is just behind that of "Officers of the Army and
+Navy" in processions, it was my fortune to be seated at the
+dinner-table over against one of these respectable persons.
+He was arrayed as (out of his own profession) only kings,
+court-officers, and footmen are in Europe, and Indians in America.
+Now what does my over-officious imagination but set to
+work upon him, strip him of his gay livery, and present him
+to me coatless, his trousers thrust into the tops of a pair of
+boots thick with clotted blood, and a basket on his arm out of
+which lolled a gore-smeared axe, thereby destroying my relish
+for the temporal mercies upon the board before me.&mdash;H. W.]</p>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="No_IX" id="No_IX"></a>No. IX.</h2>
+
+
+<h3>A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.</h3>
+
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[Upon the following letter slender comment will be needful.
+In what river Selemnus has Mr. Sawin bathed, that he has
+become so swiftly oblivious of his former loves? From an
+ardent and (as befits a soldier) confident wooer of that coy
+bride, the popular favour, we see him subside of a sudden into
+the (I trust not jilted) Cincinnatus, returning to his plough
+with a goodly-sized branch of willow in his hand; figuratively
+returning, however, to a figurative plough, and from no profound
+affection for that honoured implement of husbandry (for which,
+indeed, Mr. Sawin never displayed any decided predilection),
+but in order to be gracefully summoned therefrom to more
+congenial labours. It would seem that the character of the
+ancient Dictator had become part of the recognised stock of
+our modern political comedy, though, as our term of office
+extends to a quadrennial length, the parallel is not so minutely
+exact as could be desired. It is sufficiently so, however, for
+purposes of scenic representation. An humble cottage (if
+built of logs, the better) forms the Arcadian background of the
+stage. This rustic paradise is labeled Ashland, Jaalam, North
+Bend, Marshfield, Kinderhook, or B&acirc;ton Rouge, as occasion
+demands. Before the door stands a something with one handle
+(the other painted in proper perspective), which represents, in
+happy ideal vagueness, the plough. To this the defeated candidate
+rushes with delirious joy, welcomed as a father by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span>
+appropriate groups of happy labourers, or from it the successful
+one is torn with difficulty, sustained alone by a noble sense
+of public duty. Only I have observed, that, if the scene be
+laid at B&acirc;ton Rouge or Ashland, the labourers are kept carefully
+in the background, and are heard to shout from behind
+the scenes in a singular tone, resembling ululation, and accompanied
+by a sound not unlike vigorous clapping. This, however,
+may be artistically in keeping with the habits of the rustic
+population of those localities. The precise connexion between
+agricultural pursuits and statesmanship I have not been able,
+after diligent inquiry, to discover. But, that my investigations
+may not be barren of all fruit, I will mention one curious statistical
+fact, which I consider thoroughly established, namely,
+that no real farmer ever attains practically beyond a seat in
+General Court, however theoretically qualified for more exalted
+station.</p>
+
+<p>It is probable that some other prospect has been opened to
+Mr. Sawin, and that he has not made this great sacrifice without
+some definite understanding in regard to a seat in the
+cabinet, or a foreign mission. It may be supposed that we of
+Jaalam were not untouched by a feeling of villatic pride in
+beholding our townsman occupying so large a space in the
+public eye. And to me, deeply revolving the qualifications
+necessary to a candidate in these frugal times, those of Mr. S.
+seemed peculiarly adapted to a successful campaign. The loss
+of a leg, an arm, an eye, and four fingers, reduced him so
+nearly to the condition of a <i>vox et pr&aelig;terea nihil</i>, that I could
+think of nothing but the loss of his head by which his chance
+could have been bettered. But since he has chosen to baulk
+our suffrages, we must content ourselves with what we can
+get, remembering <i>lactucas non esse dandas, dum cardui sufficiant</i>.&mdash;H. W.]<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span></p></div>
+
+<div class="cpoem35"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I spose you recollect thet I explained my gennle views<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In the last billet thet I writ, 'way down frum Veery Cruze,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Jest arter I 'd a kind o' ben spontanously sot up<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To run unanimously fer the Presidential cup;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O' course it worn't no wish o' mine, 't wuz ferfiely distressin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But poppiler enthusiasm gut so almighty pressin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet, though like sixty all along I fumed an' fussed an' sorrered,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There did n't seem no ways to stop their bringin' on me forrerd:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fact is, they udged the matter so, I could n't help admittin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The Father o' his Country's shoes no feet but mine 'ould fit in,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Besides the savin' o' the soles fer ages to succeed,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Seein' thet with one wannut foot, a pair 'd be more 'n I need;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An', tell ye wut, them shoes 'll want a thund'rin' sight o' patchin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef this ere fashion is to last we 've gut into o' hatchin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A pair o' second Washintons fer every new election,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Though, fur ez number one 's consarned, I don't make no objection.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I wuz agoin' on to say thet wen at fust I saw<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The masses would stick to 't I wuz the Country's father-'n-law<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(They would ha' hed it <i>Father</i>, but I told 'em 't would n't du,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Coz thet wuz sutthin' of a sort they could n't split in tu,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' Washinton hed hed the thing laid fairly to his door,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nor dars n't say 't worn't his'n, much ez sixty year afore),<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But 't aint no matter ez to thet; wen I wuz nomernated,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'T worn't natur but wut I should feel consid'able elated,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' wile the hooraw o' the thing wuz kind o' noo an' fresh,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I thought our ticket would ha' caird the country with a resh.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Sence I 've come hum, though, an' looked round, I think I seem to find<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Strong argimunts ez thick ez fleas to make me change my mind;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It 's clear to any one whose brain ain't fur gone in a phthisis,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet hail Columby's happy land is goin' thru a crisis,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">An' 't would n't noways du to hev the people's mind distracted<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">By bein' all to once by sev'ral pop'lar names attackted;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'T would save holl haycartloads o' fuss an' three four months o' jaw,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef some illustrous paytriot should back out an' withdraw;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So, ez I aint a crooked stick, jest like&mdash;like ole (I swow,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I dunno ez I know his name)&mdash;I 'll go back to my plough.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Now, 't aint no more 'n is proper 'n' right in sech a sitooation<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To hint the course you think 'll be the savin' o' the nation;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To funk right out o' p'lit'cal strife aint thought to be the thing,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Without you deacon off the toon you want your folks should sing;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So I edvise the noomrous friends thet 's in one boat with me<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To jest up killock, jam right down their hellum hard a lee,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Haul the sheets taut, an', laying out upon the Suthun tack,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Make fer the safest port they can, wich, <i>I</i> think, is Ole Zack.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Next thing you 'll want to know, I spose, wut argimunts I seem<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To see thet makes me think this ere 'll be the strongest team;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fust place, I've ben consid'ble round in bar-rooms an' saloons<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Agethrin' public sentiment, 'mongst Demmercrats and Coons,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' 't aint ve'y offen thet I meet a chap but wut goes in<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer Rough an' Ready, fair an' square, hufs, taller, horns, an' skin;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I don't deny but wut, fer one, ez fur ez I could see,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I didn't like at fust the Pheladelphy nomernee;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I could ha' pinted to a man thet wuz, I guess, a peg<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Higher than him,&mdash;a soger, tu, an' with a wooden leg;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But every day with more an' more o' Taylor zeal I 'm burnin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Seein' wich way the tide thet sets to office is aturnin';<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wy, into Bellers's we notched the votes down on three sticks,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'T wuz Birdofredum <i>one</i>, Cass <i>aught</i>, an' Taylor <i>twenty-six</i>,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An', bein' the on'y canderdate thet wuz upon the ground,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They said 't wuz no more 'n right thet I should pay the drinks all round;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef I 'd expected sech a trick, I would n't ha' cut my foot<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">By goin' an' votin' fer myself like a consumed coot;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It did n't make no diff'rence, though; I wish I may be cust,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef Bellers wuz n't slim enough to say he would n't trust!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Another pint thet influences the minds o' sober jedges<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Is thet the Gin'ral hez n't gut tied hand an' foot with pledges;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He hez n't told ye wut he is, an' so there aint no knowin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But wut he may turn out to be the best there is agoin';<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">This, at the on'y spot thet pinched, the shoe directly eases,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Coz every one is free to 'xpect percisely wut he pleases:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I want free-trade; you don't; the Gin'ral is n't bound to neither;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I vote my way; you, yourn; an' both air sooted to a T there.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ole Rough an' Ready, tu, 's a Wig, but without bein' ultry<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(He 's like a holsome hayinday, thet 's warm, but is n't sultry);<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He 's jest wut I should call myself, a kin' o' <i>scratch</i>, ez 't ware,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet aint exacly all a wig nor wholly your own hair;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 've ben a Wig three weeks myself, jest o' this mod'rate sort,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' don't find them an' Demmercrats so different ez I thought;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They both act pooty much alike, an' push an' scrouge an' cus;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They 're like two pickpockets in league fer Uncle Samwell's pus;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Each takes a side, an' then they squeeze the old man in between 'em,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Turn all his pockets wrong side out an' quick ez lightnin' clean 'em;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To nary one on 'em I 'd trust a secon'-handed rail<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">No furder off 'an I could sling a bullock by the tail.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Webster sot matters right in that air Mashfiel' speech o' his'n;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"Taylor," sez he, "aint nary ways the one thet I 'd a chizzen,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nor he ain't fittin' fer the place, an' like ez not he aint<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">No more 'n a tough ole bullethead, an' no gret of a saint;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But then," sez he, "obsarve my pint, he's jest ez good to vote fer<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ez though the greasin' on him worn't a thing to hire Choate fer;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Aint it ez easy done to drop a ballot in a box<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer one ez 't is fer t' other, fer the bulldog ez the fox?"<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It takes a mind like Dannel's, fact, ez big ez all ou' doors,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To find out thet it looks like rain arter it fairly pours;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'gree with him, it aint so dreffle troublesome to vote<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer Taylor arter all,&mdash;it 's jest to go an' change your coat;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen he's once greased, you 'll swaller him an' never know on't, source,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Unless he scratches, goin' down, with them air Gin'ral's spurs.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 've ben a votin' Demmercrat, ez reg'lar ez a clock,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But don't find goin' Taylor gives my narves no gret 'f a shock;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Truth is, the cutest leadin' Wigs, ever sence fust they found<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wich side the bread gut buttered on, hev kep' a edgin' round;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They kin' o' slipt the planks frum out th' ole platform one by one<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' made it gradooally noo, 'fore folks know'd wut wuz done,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Till, fur 'z I know, there aint an inch thet I could lay my han' on,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But I, or any Demmercrat, feels comf'table to stan' on,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">An' ole Wig doctrines act'lly look, their occ'pants bein' gone,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Lonesome ez staddles on a mash without no hay-ricks on.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I spose it 's time now I should give my thoughts upon the plan,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet chipped the shell at Buffalo, o' settin' up ole Van.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I used to vote fer Martin, but, I swan, I 'm clean disgusted,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He aint the man thet I can say is fittin' to be trusted;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He aint half antislav'ry 'nough, nor I aint sure, ez some be,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He 'd go in fer abolishin' the Deestrick o' Columby;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An', now I come to recollect, it kin' o' makes me sick 'z<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A horse, to think o' wut he wuz in eighteen thirty-six.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' then, another thing;&mdash;I guess, though mebby I am wrong,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">This Buff'lo plaster aint agoin' to dror almighty strong;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Some folks, I know, hev gut th' idee thet No'thun dough 'll rise,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Though, 'fore I see it riz an' baked, I would n't trust my eyes;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'T will take more emptins, a long chalk, than this noo party 's gut,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To give sech heavy cakes ez them a start, I tell ye wut.<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">But even ef they caird the day, there would n't be no endurin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To stand upon a platform with sech critters ez Van Buren;&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' his son John, tu, I can't think how thet air chap should dare<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To speak ez he doos; wy, they say he used to cuss an' swear!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I spose he never read the hymn thet tells how down the stairs<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A feller with long legs wuz throwed thet would n't say his prayers.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">This brings me to another pint: the leaders o' the party<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Aint jest sech men ez I can act along with free an' hearty;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They aint not quite respectable, an' wen a feller's morrils<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Don't toe the straightest kin' o' mark, wy, him an' me jest quarrils.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I went to a free soil meetin' once, an' wut d' ye think I see?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A feller wuz aspoutin' there thet act'lly come to me,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">About two year ago last spring, ez nigh ez I can jedge,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' axed me ef I didn't want to sign the Temprunce pledge!<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">He 's one o' them thet goes about an' sez you hed n't ough' to<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Drink nothin', mornin', noon, or night, stronger 'an Taunton water.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There 's one rule I 've ben guided by, in settlin' how to vote, ollers,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I take the side thet <i>is n't</i> took by them consarned tee-totallers.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Ez fer the niggers, I 've been South, an' thet hez changed my mind;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A lazier, more ungrateful set you could n't nowers find.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You know I mentioned in my last thet I should buy a nigger,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ef I could make a purchase at a pooty mod'rate figger;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So, ez there 's nothin' in the world I 'm fonder of 'an gunnin',<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I closed a bargin finally to take a feller runnin'.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I shou'dered queen's-arm an' stumped out, an' wen I come t' th' swamp,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'T worn't very long afore I gut upon the nest o' Pomp;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I come acrost a kin' o' hut, an', playin' round the door,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Some little woolly-headed cubs, ez many 'z six or more.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">At fust I thought o' firin', but <i>think twice</i> is safest ollers;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There aint, thinks I, not one on em' but 's wuth his twenty dollars,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Or would be, ef I hed 'em back into a Christian land,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">How temptin' all on 'em would look upon an auction-stand!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(Not but wut <i>I</i> hate Slavery in th' abstract, stem to starn,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I leave it ware our fathers did, a privit State consarn.)<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Soon 'z they see <i>me</i>, they yelled an' run, but Pomp wuz out ahoein'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A leetle patch o' corn he hed, or else there aint no knowin'<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He would n't ha' took a pop at me; but I hed gut the start,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' wen he looked, I vow he groaned ez though he'd broke his heart;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He done it like a wite man, tu, ez nat'ral ez a pictur,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The imp'dunt, pis'nous hypocrite! wus 'an a boy constrictur.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"You can 't gum <i>me</i>, I tell ye now, an' so you need n't try,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'xpect my eye-teeth every mail, so jest shet up," sez I.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"Don't go to actin' ugly now, or else I 'll jest let strip,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You 'd best draw kindly, seein' 'z how I 've gut ye on the hip;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Besides, you darned ole fool, it aint no gret of a disaster<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To be benev'lently druv back to a contented master,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">Ware you hed Christian priv'ledges you don't seem quite aware of,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Or you 'd ha' never run away from bein' well took care of;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ez fer kin' treatment, wy, he wuz so fond on ye, he said<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He 'd give a fifty spot right out, to git ye, 'live or dead;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wite folks aint sot by half ez much; 'member I run away,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen I wuz bound to Cap'n Jakes, to Mattysqumscot bay;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Don' know him, likely? Spose not; wal, the mean ole codger went<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' offered&mdash;wut reward, think? Wal, it worn't no <i>less</i> 'n a cent."<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Wal, I jest gut 'em into line, an druv 'em on afore me,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The pis'nous brutes, I 'd no idee o' the ill-will they bore me;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We walked till som'ers about noon, an' then it grew so hot<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I thought it best to camp awile, so I chose out a spot<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Jest under a magnoly tree, an' there right down I sot;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then I unstrapped my wooden leg, coz it begun to chafe,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' laid it down jest by my side, supposin' all wuz safe;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">I made my darkies all set down around me in a ring,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' sot an' kin' o' ciphered up how much the lot would bring;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But, wile I drinked the peaceful cup of a pure heart an' mind<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">(Mixed with some wiskey, now an' then), Pomp he snaked up behind,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An', creepin' grad'lly close tu, ez quiet ez a mink,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Jest grabbed my leg, and then pulled foot, quicker 'an you could wink,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An', come to look, they each on 'em hed gut behin' a tree,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' Pomp poked out the leg a piece, jest so ez I could see,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' yelled to me to throw away my pistils an' my gun,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Or else thet they 'd cair off the leg an' fairly cut the run.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I vow I did n't b'lieve there wuz a decent alligatur<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet hed a heart so destitoot o' common human natur;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">However, ez there worn't no help, I finally gev in<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' heft my arms away to git my leg safe back agin.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Pomp gethered all the weapins up, an' then he come an' grinned,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He showed his ivory some, I guess, an' sez, "You 're fairly pinned;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Jest buckle on your leg agin, an' git right up an' come,<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">'T wun't du fer fammerly men like me to be so long from hum."<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">At fust I put my foot right down an' swore I would n't budge.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"Jest ez you choose," sez he, quite cool, "either be shot or trudge."<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So this black-hearted monster took an' act'lly druv me back<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Along the very feetmarks o' my happy mornin' track,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' kep' me pris'ner 'bout six months, an' worked me, tu, like sin,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Till I bed gut his corn an' his Carliny taters in;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He made me larn him readin', tu (although the crittur saw<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">How much it hurt my morril sense to act agin the law),<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So 'st he could read a Bible he 'd gut; an' axed ef I could pint<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The North Star out; but there I put his nose some out o' jint,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fer I weeled roun' about sou'west, an', lookin' up a bit,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Picked out a middlin' shiny one an' tole him thet wuz it.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fin'lly, he took me to the door, an', givin' me a kick,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sez,&mdash;"Ef you know wut 's best fer ye, be off, now, double-quick;<br /></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span>
+<span class="i0">The winter-time 's a comin' on, an', though I gut ye cheap,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You 're so darned lazy, I don't think you 're hardly wuth your keep;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Besides, the childrin's growin' up, an' you aint jest the model<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I 'd like to hev 'em immertate, an' so you 'd better toddle!"<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Now is there any thin' on airth 'll ever prove to me<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thet renegader slaves like him air fit fer bein' free?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">D' you think they 'll suck me in to jine the Buff'lo chaps, an' them<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Rank infidels thet go agin the Scriptur'l cus o' Shem?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Not by a jugfull! sooner 'n thet, I 'd go thru fire an' water;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wen I hev once made up my mind, a meet'nhus aint sotter;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">No, not though all the crows thet flies to pick my bones wuz cawin',&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I guess we 're in a Christian land,&mdash;<br /></span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+<p class="sign1">Yourn,<br />
+BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN.</p>
+
+
+<div class="hw"><p>[Here, patient reader, we take leave of each other, I trust
+with some mutual satisfaction. I say <i>patient</i>, for I love not
+that kind which skims dippingly over the surface of the page,
+as swallows over a pool before rain. By such no pearls shall<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span>
+be gathered. But if no pearls there be (as, indeed, the world
+is not without example of books wherefrom the longest-winded
+diver shall bring up no more than his proper handful
+of mud), yet let us hope that an oyster or two may reward
+adequate perseverance. If neither pearls nor oysters, yet is
+patience itself a gem worth diving deeply for.</p>
+
+<p>It may seem to some that too much space has been usurped
+by my own private lucubrations, and some may be fain to
+bring against me that old jest of him who preached all his
+hearers out of the meeting-house save only the sexton, who,
+remaining for yet a little space, from a sense of official duty, at
+last gave out also, and, presenting the keys, humbly requested
+our preacher to lock the doors, when he should have wholly
+relieved himself of his testimony. I confess to a satisfaction
+in the self act of preaching, nor do I esteem a discourse to be
+wholly thrown away even upon a sleeping or unintelligent
+auditory. I cannot easily believe that the Gospel of St. John,
+which Jacques Cartier ordered to be read in the Latin tongue
+to the Canadian savages, upon his first meeting with them,
+fell altogether upon stony ground. For the earnestness of the
+preacher is a sermon appreciable by dullest intellects and most
+alien ears. In this wise did Episcopius convert many to his
+opinions, who yet understood not the language in which he
+discoursed. The chief thing is, that the messenger believe
+that he has an authentic message to deliver. For counterfeit
+messengers that mode of treatment which Father John de
+Plano Carpini relates to have prevailed among the Tartars
+would seem effectual, and, perhaps, deserved enough. For
+my own part, I may lay claim to so much of the spirit of
+martyrdom as would have led me to go into banishment with
+those clergymen whom Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal drave
+out of his kingdom for refusing to shorten their pulpit eloquence.
+It is possible, that, having been invited into my<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span>
+brother Biglow's desk, I may have been too little scrupulous
+in using it for the venting of my own peculiar doctrines to a
+congregation drawn together in the expectation and with the
+desire of hearing him.</p>
+
+<p>I am not wholly unconscious of a peculiarity of mental organization
+which impels me, like the railroad-engine with its
+train of cars, to run backward for a short distance in order
+to obtain a fairer start. I may compare myself to one fishing
+from the rocks when the sea runs high, who, misinterpreting
+the suction of the undertow for the biting of some larger fish,
+jerks suddenly, and finds that he has <i>caught bottom</i>, hauling
+in upon the end of his line a trail of various <i>alg&aelig;</i>, among
+which, nevertheless, the naturalist may haply find somewhat
+to repay the disappointment of the angler. Yet have I conscientiously
+endeavoured to adapt myself to the impatient
+temper of the age, daily degenerating more and more from the
+high standard of our pristine New England. To the catalogue
+of lost arts I would mournfully add also that of listening
+to two-hour sermons. Surely we have been abridged into a
+race of pigmies. For, truly, in those of the old discourses
+yet subsisting to us in print, the endless spinal column of
+divisions and subdivisions can be likened to nothing so exactly
+as to the vertebr&aelig; of the saurians, whence the theorist may
+conjecture a race of Anakim proportionate to the withstanding
+of these other monsters. I say Anakim rather than Nephelim,
+because there seem reasons for supposing that the race
+of those whose heads (though no giants) are constantly enveloped
+in clouds (which that name imports) will never become
+extinct. The attempt to vanquish the innumerable
+<i>heads</i> of one of those aforementioned discourses may supply
+us with a plausible interpretation of the second labour of Hercules,
+and his successful experiment with fire affords us a
+useful precedent.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>But while I lament the degeneracy of the age in this regard,
+I cannot refuse to succumb to its influence. Looking out
+through my study-window, I see Mr. Biglow at a distance
+busy in gathering his Baldwins, of which, to judge by the
+number of barrels lying about under the trees, his crop is
+more abundant than my own,&mdash;by which sight I am admonished
+to turn to those orchards of the mind wherein my
+labours may be more prospered, and apply myself diligently to
+the preparation of my next Sabbath's discourse.&mdash;H. W.]</p></div>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="GLOSSARY" id="GLOSSARY"></a>GLOSSARY.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="head7">A.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Act'lly, <i>actually</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Air, <i>are</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Airth, <i>earth</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Airy, <i>area</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Aree, <i>area</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Arter, <i>after</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Ax, <i>ask</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">B.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Beller, <i>bellow</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Bellowses, <i>lunge</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Ben, <i>been</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Bile, <i>boil</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Bimeby, <i>by and by</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Blurt out, <i>to speak bluntly</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Bust, <i>burst</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Buster, <i>a roistering blade</i>;<ul>
+<li>used also as a general superlative.</li></ul></li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">C.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Caird, <i>carried</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Cairn, <i>carrying</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Caleb, <i>a turncoat</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Cal'late, <i>calculate</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Cass, <i>a person with two lives</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Close, <i>clothes</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Cockerel, <i>a young cock</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Cocktail, <i>a kind of drink</i>;<ul>
+<li>also, <i>an ornament peculiar to soldiers</i>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Convention, <i>a place where people are imposed on</i>;<ul>
+<li><i>a juggler's show</i>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Coons, <i>a cant term for a now defunct party</i>;<ul>
+<li>derived, perhaps, from the fact of their being commonly <i>up a tree</i>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Cornwallis, <i>a sort of muster in masquerade</i>;<ul>
+<li>supposed to have had its origin soon after the Revolution, and to commemorate the surrender of Lord Cornwallis. It took the place of the old Guy Fawkes procession.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Crooked stick, <i>a perverse, froward person</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Cunnle, <i>a colonel</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Cus, <i>a curse</i>;<ul>
+<li>also, <i>a pitiful fellow</i>.</li></ul></li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">D.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Darsn't, used indiscriminately, either in singular or plural number, for <i>dare not</i>, <i>dares not</i>, and <i>dared not</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Deacon off, <i>to give the cue to</i>;<ul>
+<li>derived from a custom, once universal, but now extinct, in our New England Congregational churches. An important part of the office of deacon was to read aloud the hymns <i>given out</i> by the minister, one line at a time, the congregation singing each line as soon as read.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Demmercrat, leadin', <i>one in favour of extending slavery</i>;<ul>
+<li><i>a free-trade lecturer maintained in the custom-house</i>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Desput, <i>desperate</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Doos, <i>does</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Doughface, <i>a contented lick-spittle</i>;<ul>
+<li>a common variety of Northern politician.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Dror, <i>draw</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Du, <i>do</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Dunno, dno, <i>do not</i> or <i>does not know</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Dut, <i>dirt</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">E.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Eend, <i>end</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Ef, <i>if</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Emptins, <i>yeast</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Env'y, <i>envoy</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Everlasting, an intensive, without reference to duration.</li>
+
+<li>Ev'y, <i>every</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Ez, <i>as</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span></p>
+<p class="head7">F.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Fer, <i>for</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Ferfle, ferful, <i>fearful</i>;<ul>
+<li>also an intensive.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Fin', <i>find</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Fish-skin, used in New England to clarify coffee.</li>
+
+<li>Fix, <i>a difficulty</i>, <i>a nonplus</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Foller, folly, <i>to follow</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Forrerd, <i>forward</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Frum, <i>from</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Fur, <i>far</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Furder, <i>farther</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Furrer, <i>furrow</i>.<ul>
+<li>Metaphorically, <i>to draw a straight furrow</i> is to live uprightly or decorously.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Fust, <i>first</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">G.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Gin, <i>gave</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Git, <i>get</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Gret, <i>great</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Grit, <i>spirit</i>, <i>energy</i>, <i>pluck</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Grout, <i>to sulk</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Grouty, <i>crabbed</i>, <i>surly</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Gum, <i>to impose on</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Gump, <i>a foolish fellow</i>, <i>a dullard</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Gut, <i>got</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">H.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Hed, <i>had</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Heern, <i>heard</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Hellum, <i>helm</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Hendy, <i>handy</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Het, <i>heated</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Hev, <i>have</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Hez, <i>has</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Holl, <i>whole</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Holt, <i>hold</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Huf, <i>hoof</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Hull, <i>whole</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Hum, <i>home</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Humbug, <i>General Taylor's antislavery</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Hut, <i>hurt</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">I.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Idno, <i>I do not know</i>.</li>
+
+<li>In'my, <i>enemy</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Insines, <i>ensigns</i>;<ul>
+<li>used to designate both the officer who carries the standard, and the standard itself.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Inter, intu, <i>into</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">J.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Jedge, <i>judge</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Jest, <i>just</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Jine, <i>join</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Jint, <i>joint</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Junk, <i>a fragment of any solid substance</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">K.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Keer, <i>care</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Kep, <i>kept</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Killock, <i>a small anchor</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Kin', kin' o', kinder, <i>kind</i>, <i>kind of</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">L.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Lawth, <i>loath</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Let day-light into, <i>to shoot</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Let on, <i>to hint</i>, <i>to confess</i>, <i>to own</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Lick, <i>to beat</i>, <i>to overcome</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Lights, <i>the bowels</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Lily-pads, <i>leaves of the water-lily</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Long-sweetening, <i>molasses</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Loon, <i>the northern diver</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">M.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Mash, <i>marsh</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Mean, <i>stingy</i>, <i>ill-natured</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Min', <i>mind</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">N.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Ned, a slang phrase, going it like Ned, equivalent to our 'going like old Harry.'</li>
+
+<li>Nimepunce, <i>ninepence</i>, <i>twelve and a half cents</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Nowers, <i>nowhere</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">O.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Offen, <i>often</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Ole, <i>old</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Ollers, olluz, <i>always</i>.</li>
+
+<li>On, <i>of</i>;<ul>
+<li>used before <i>it</i> or <i>them</i>, or at the end of a sentence, as <i>on 't</i>, <i>on 'em</i>, <i>nut ez ever I heerd on</i>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>On'y, <i>only</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Ossifer, <i>officer</i> (seldom heard).</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">P.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Peaked, <i>pointed</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Peek, <i>to peep</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Pickerel, <i>the pike, a fish</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Pint, <i>point</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Pocket full of rocks, <i>plenty of money</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Pooty, <i>pretty</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Pop'ler, <i>conceited</i>, <i>popular</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Pus, <i>purse</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Put out, <i>troubled</i>, <i>vexed</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span></p>
+<p class="head7">Q.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Quarter, <i>a quarter-dollar</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Queen's arm, <i>a musket</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">R.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Resh, <i>rush</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Revelee, <i>the r&eacute;veille</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Rile, <i>to trouble</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Riled, <i>angry</i>;<ul>
+<li><i>disturbed</i>, as the sediment in any liquid.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Riz, <i>risen</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Row, a long row to hoe, <i>a difficult task</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Rugged, <i>robust</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Row-de-dow, <i>troublesome talk</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">S.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Sarse, <i>abuse</i>, <i>impertinence</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Sartin, <i>certain</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Saxon, <i>sacristan</i>, <i>sexton</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Scaliest, <i>worst</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Scringe, <i>cringe</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Scrouge, <i>to crowd</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Sech, <i>such</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Set by, <i>valued</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Shakes, great, <i>of considerable consequence</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Shappoes, <i>chapeaux</i>, <i>cocked-hats</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Sheer, <i>share</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Shet, <i>shut</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Shine, <i>a fancy or liking</i>, also written <i>shindy</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Shut, <i>shirt</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Skeered, <i>scared</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Skeeter, <i>mosquito</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Skooting, <i>running</i> or <i>moving swiftly</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Slarterin', <i>slaughtering</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Slim, <i>contemptible</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Snaked, <i>crawled like a snake</i>;<ul>
+<li>but <i>to snake any one out</i>, is to track him to his hiding-place;</li>
+<li><i>to snake a thing out</i> is to snatch it out.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Soffies, <i>sofas</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Sogerin', <i>soldiering</i>;<ul>
+<li>a barbarous amusement common among men in the savage state.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Som'ers, <i>somewhere</i>.</li>
+
+<li>So 'st, <i>so as that</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Sot, <i>set</i>, <i>obstinate</i>, <i>resolute</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Spiles, <i>spoils</i>; <i>objects of political ambition</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Spry, <i>active</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Staddles, <i>stout stakes driven into the salt marshes</i>, on which the hay-ricks are set, and thus raised out of the reach of high tides.</li>
+
+<li>Streaked, <i>uncomfortable</i>, <i>discomfited</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Suckle, <i>circle</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Sutthin', <i>something</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Suttin, <i>certain</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Swan, <i>to swear</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">T.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Take on, <i>to sorrow</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Talents, <i>talons</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Taters, <i>potatoes</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Tell, <i>till</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Tetch, <i>touch</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Tetch tu, <i>to be able</i>;<ul>
+<li>used always after a negative in this sense.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Tollable, <i>tolerable</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Toot, used derisively <i>for playing on any wind instrument</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Thru, <i>through</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Thundering, a euphemism common in New England, for the profane English expression <i>devilish</i>. Perhaps derived from the belief, common formerly, that thunder was caused by the Prince of the Air, for some of whose accomplishments consult Cotton Mather.</li>
+
+<li>Tu, <i>to</i>, <i>too</i>;<ul>
+<li>commonly has this sound when used emphatically, or at the end of a sentence. At other times it has the sound of <i>t</i> in <i>tough</i>, as <i>Ware ye goin' tu? Goin' ta Boston</i>.</li></ul></li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">U.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Ugly, <i>ill-tempered</i>, <i>intractable</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Uncle Sam, <i>United States</i>;<ul>
+<li>the largest boaster of liberty and owner of slaves.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Unrizzest, applied to dough or bread;<ul>
+<li><i>heavy</i>, <i>most unrisen</i>, or <i>most incapable of rising</i>.</li></ul></li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">V.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>V spot, <i>a five-dollar bill</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Vally, <i>value</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span></p>
+
+<p class="head7">W.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Wake snakes, <i>to get into trouble</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Wal, <i>well</i>;<ul>
+<li>spoken with great deliberation, and sometimes with the <i>a</i> very much flattened, sometimes (but more seldom) very much broadened.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Wannut, <i>walnut</i> (<i>hickory</i>).</li>
+
+<li>Ware, <i>where</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Ware, <i>were</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Whopper, <i>an uncommonly large lie</i>;<ul>
+<li>as, that General Taylor is in favour of the Wilmot Proviso.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Wig, <i>Whig</i>;<ul>
+<li>a party now dissolved.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Wiz, <i>to whiz</i>;<ul>
+<li><i>go off</i> (like a rocket).</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Wunt, <i>will not</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Wus, <i>worse</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Wut, <i>what</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Wuth, <i>worth</i>;<ul>
+<li>as, <i>Antislavery perfessions 'fore 'lection aint wuth a Bungtown copper</i>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Wuz, <i>was</i>, sometimes <i>were</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">Y.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Yaller, <i>yellow</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Yeller, <i>yellow</i>.</li>
+
+<li>Yellers, <i>a disease of peach-trees</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<p class="head7">Z.</p>
+<ul>
+
+<li>Zach, Ole, <i>a second Washington</i>, <i>an antislavery slaveholder</i>, <i>a humane buyer and seller of men and women</i>, <i>a Christian hero generally</i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="INDEX" id="INDEX"></a>INDEX.</h2>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>A. B., information wanted concerning, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Adam, eldest son of, respected, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li>
+
+<li>&AElig;neas goes to hell, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>.</li>
+
+<li>&AElig;olus, a seller of money, as is supposed by some, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>.</li>
+
+<li>&AElig;schylus, a saying of, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>.</li>
+
+<li>Alligator, a decent one conjectured to be, in some sort, humane, <a href="#Page_120">120</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal, tyrannical act of, <a href="#Page_120">120</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Ambrose, Saint, excellent (but rationalistic) sentiment of, <a href="#Page_35">35</a>.</li>
+
+<li>"American Citizen," new compost so called, <a href="#Page_104">104</a>.</li>
+
+<li>American Eagle, a source of inspiration, <a href="#Page_45">45</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;hitherto wrongly classed, <a href="#Page_51">51</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;long bill of, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Amos, cited, <a href="#Page_34">34</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Anakim, that they formerly existed, shown, <a href="#Page_124">124</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Angels, providentially speak French, <a href="#Page_23">23</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;conjectured to be skilled in all tongues, <i><a href="#Page_23">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Anglo-Saxondom, its idea, what, <a href="#Page_21">21</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Anglo-Saxon mask, <a href="#Page_21">21</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Anglo-Saxon race, <a href="#Page_16">16</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Anglo-Saxon verse, by whom carried to perfection, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Antonius, a speech of, <a href="#Page_40">40</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;by whom best reported, <i><a href="#Page_40">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Apocalypse, beast in, magnetic to theologians, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Apollo, confessed mortal by his own oracle, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Apollyon, his tragedies popular, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Appian, an Alexandrian, not equal to Shakspeare as an orator, <a href="#Page_40">40</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Ararat, ignorance of foreign tongues is an, <a href="#Page_53">53</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Arcadian background, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Aristophanes, <a href="#Page_34">34</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Arms, profession of, once esteemed especially that of gentlemen, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Arnold, <a href="#Page_42">42</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Ashland, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Astor, Jacob, a rich man, <a href="#Page_91">91</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Astr&aelig;a, nineteenth century forsaken by, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Athenians, ancient, an institution of, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Atherton, Senator, envies the loon, <a href="#Page_60">60</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Austin, St., profane wish of, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_13_13">note</a></i>.</li>
+
+<li>Aye-Aye, the, an African animal, America supposed to be settled by, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Babel, probably the first Congress, <a href="#Page_53">53</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;a gabble-mill, <i><a href="#Page_53">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Baby, a low-priced one, <a href="#Page_98">98</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Bagowind, Hon. Mr., whether to be damned, <a href="#Page_63">63</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Baldwin apples, <a href="#Page_125">125</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Baratarias, real or imaginary, which most pleasant, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Barnum, a great natural curiosity recommended to, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Barrels, an inference from seeing, <a href="#Page_125">125</a>.</li>
+
+<li>B&acirc;ton Rouge, <a href="#Page_106">106</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;strange peculiarities of labourers at, <a href="#Page_107">107</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Baxter, R., a saying of, <a href="#Page_35">35</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Bay, Mattysqumscot, <a href="#Page_119">119</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Bay State, singular effect produced on military officers by leaving it, <a href="#Page_21">21</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Beast in Apocalypse, a loadstone, for whom, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Beelzebub, his rigadoon, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Behmen, his letters not letters, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Bellers, a saloon-keeper, <a href="#Page_111">111</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;inhumanly refuses credit to a presidential candidate, <a href="#Page_112">112</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Biglow, Ezekiel, his letter to Hon. J. T. Buckingham, <a href="#Page_1">1</a><ul>
+<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span>&mdash;never heard of any one named Mundishes, <a href="#Page_2">2</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;nearly four-score years old, <i><a href="#Page_2">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his aunt Keziah, a notable saying of, <a href="#Page_3">3</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Biglow, Hosea, excited by composition, <a href="#Page_2">2</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;a poem by, <a href="#Page_3">3</a>, <a href="#Page_66">66</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his opinion of war, <a href="#Page_4">4</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;wanted at home by Nancy, <a href="#Page_7">7</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;recommends a forcible enlistment of warlike editors, <i><a href="#Page_7">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;would not wonder, if generally agreed with, <a href="#Page_9">9</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;versifies letter of Mr. Sawin, <a href="#Page_11">11</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a letter from, <a href="#Page_12">12</a>, <a href="#Page_57">57</a>, <a href="#Page_77">77</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his opinion of Mr. Sawin, <a href="#Page_12">12</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;does not deny fun at Cornwallis, <a href="#Page_14">14</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_6_6">note</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his idea of militia glory, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_9_9">note</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a pun of, <a href="#Page_18">18</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_10_10">note</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;is uncertain in regard to people of Boston, <i><a href="#Footnote_11_11">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;had never heard of Mr. John P. Robinson, <a href="#Page_27">27</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;<i>aliquid sufflaminandus</i>, <a href="#Page_28">28</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his poems attributed to a Mr. Lowell, <a href="#Page_33">33</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;is unskilled in Latin, <i><a href="#Page_33">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his poetry maligned by some, <a href="#Page_34">34</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his disinterestedness, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his deep share in commonweal, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his claim to the presidency, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his mowing, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;resents being called Whig, <a href="#Page_35">35</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;opposed to tariff, <i><a href="#Page_35">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;obstinate, <i><a href="#Page_35">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;infected with peculiar notions, <i><a href="#Page_35">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;reports a speech, <a href="#Page_40">40</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;emulates historians of antiquity, <i><a href="#Page_40">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his character sketched from a hostile point of view, <a href="#Page_52">52</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a request of his complied with, <a href="#Page_64">64</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;appointed at a public meeting in Jaalam, <a href="#Page_77">77</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;confesses ignorance, in one minute particular, of propriety, <i><a href="#Page_77">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his opinion of cocked hats, <i><a href="#Page_77">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;letter to, <i><a href="#Page_77">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;called "Dear Sir," by a general, <i><a href="#Page_77">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;probably receives same compliment from two hundred and nine, <i><a href="#Page_77">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;picks his apples, <a href="#Page_125">125</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his crop of Baldwins conjecturally large, <i><a href="#Page_125">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Billings, Dea. Cephas, <a href="#Page_14">14</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Birch, virtue of, in instilling certain of the dead languages, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Bird of our country sings hosanna, <a href="#Page_16">16</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Blind, to go it, <a href="#Page_98">98</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Blitz pulls ribbons from his mouth, <a href="#Page_16">16</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Bluenose potatoes, smell of, eagerly desired, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Bobtail obtains a cardinal's hat, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Bolles, Mr. Secondary, author of prize peace essay, <a href="#Page_15">15</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;presents sword to Lieutenant Colonel, <i><a href="#Page_15">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a fluent orator, <i><a href="#Page_15">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;found to be in error, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Bonaparte, N., a usurper, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Boot-trees, productive, where, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Boston, people of, supposed educated, <a href="#Page_18">18</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_11_11">note</a></i>.</li>
+
+<li>Brahmins, navel-contemplating, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Bread-trees, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Brigadier-Generals in militia, devotion of, <a href="#Page_38">38</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Brown, Mr., engages in an unequal contest, <a href="#Page_63">63</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Browne, Sir T., a pious and wise sentiment of, cited and commended, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Buckingham, Hon. J. T., editor of the Boston Courier, letters to, <a href="#Page_1">1</a>, <a href="#Page_12">12</a>, <a href="#Page_33">33</a>, <a href="#Page_57">57</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;not afraid, <a href="#Page_13">13</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Buffalo, a plan hatched there, <a href="#Page_115">115</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;plaster, a prophecy in regard to, <i><a href="#Page_115">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Buncombe, in the other world supposed, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Bung, the eternal, thought to be loose, <a href="#Page_7">7</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Bungtown Fencibles, dinner of, <a href="#Page_26">26</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Butter in Irish bogs, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>C., General, commended for parts, <a href="#Page_29">29</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;for ubiquity, <i><a href="#Page_29">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;for consistency, <i><a href="#Page_29">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;for fidelity, <i><a href="#Page_29">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;is in favour of war, <i><a href="#Page_29">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his curious valuation of principle, <i><a href="#Page_29">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>C&aelig;sar, tribute to, <a href="#Page_66">66</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;his <i>veni, vidi, vici</i>, censured for undue prolixity, <a href="#Page_85">85</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Cainites, sect of, supposed still extant, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Caleb, a monopoly of his denied, <a href="#Page_15">15</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;curious notions of, as to meaning of "shelter," <a href="#Page_19">19</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his definition of Anglo-Saxon, <a href="#Page_20">20</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;charges Mexicans (not with bayonets, but) with improprieties, <i><a href="#Page_20">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Calhoun, Hon. J. C., his cow-bell curfew, light of the nineteenth century to be extinguished at sound of, <a href="#Page_55">55</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;cannot let go apron-string of the Past, <i><a href="#Page_55">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his unsuccessful tilt at Spirit of the Age, <a href="#Page_56">56</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;the Sir Kay of modern chivalry, <i><a href="#Page_56">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his anchor made of a crooked pin, <a href="#Page_57">57</a><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span></li>
+<li>&mdash;mentioned, <a href="#Page_58">58-61</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Cambridge Platform, use discovered for, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Canary Islands, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Candidate, presidential, letter from, <a href="#Page_74">74</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;smells a rat, <a href="#Page_78">78</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;against a bank, <a href="#Page_79">79</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;takes a revolving position, <i><a href="#Page_79">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;opinion of pledges, <a href="#Page_80">80</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;is a periwig, <i><a href="#Page_80">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;fronts south by north, <a href="#Page_81">81</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;qualifications of, lessening, <a href="#Page_85">85</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;wooden leg (and head) useful to, <a href="#Page_96">96</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Cape Cod clergymen, what, <a href="#Page_24">24</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;Sabbath-breakers, perhaps, reproved by, <i><a href="#Page_24">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Carpini, Father John de Plano, among the Tartars, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Cartier, Jacques, commendable zeal of, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Cass, General, <a href="#Page_59">59</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;clearness of his merit, <a href="#Page_60">60</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;limited popularity at "Bellers's," <a href="#Page_111">111</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Castles, Spanish, comfortable accommodations in, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Cato, letters of, so called, suspended <i>naso adunco</i>, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>C. D., friends of, can hear of him, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Chalk egg, we are proud of incubation of, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Chappelow on Job, a copy of, lost, <a href="#Page_65">65</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Cherubusco, news of, its effects on English royalty, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Chesterfield no letter-writer, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Chief Magistrate, dancing esteemed sinful by, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Children naturally speak Hebrew, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li>
+
+<li>China-tree, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Chinese, whether they invented gunpowder before the Christian era, <i>not</i> considered, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Choate hired, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Christ shuffled into Apocrypha, <a href="#Page_25">25</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;conjectured to disapprove of slaughter and pillage, <a href="#Page_30">30</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;condemns a certain piece of barbarism, <a href="#Page_63">63</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Christianity, profession of, plebian, whether, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Christian soldiers, perhaps inconsistent, whether, <a href="#Page_38">38</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Cicero, an opinion of, disputed, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Cilley, Ensign, author of nefarious sentiment, <a href="#Page_26">26</a>.</li>
+
+<li><i>Cimex lectularius</i>, <a href="#Page_18">18</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Cincinnatus, a stock character in modern comedy, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Civilization, progress of, an <i>alias</i>, <a href="#Page_65">65</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;rides upon a powder-cart, <a href="#Page_79">79</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Clergymen, their ill husbandry, <a href="#Page_64">64</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;their place in processions, <a href="#Page_105">105</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;some, cruelly banished for the soundness of their lungs, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Cocked-hat, advantages of being knocked into, <a href="#Page_77">77</a>.</li>
+
+<li>College of Cardinals, a strange one, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Colman, Dr. Benjamin, anecdote of, <a href="#Page_38">38</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Coloured folks, curious national diversion of kicking, <a href="#Page_19">19</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Colquitt, a remark of, <a href="#Page_60">60</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;acquainted with some principles of aerostation, <i><a href="#Page_60">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Columbia, District of, its peculiar climatic effects, <a href="#Page_44">44</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;not certain that Martin is for abolishing it, <a href="#Page_115">115</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Columbus, a Paul Pry of genius, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Columby, <a href="#Page_109">109</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Complete Letter-Writer, fatal gift of, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Compostella, St. James of, seen, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Congress, singular consequence of getting into, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Congressional debates, found instructive, <a href="#Page_53">53</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Constituents, useful for what, <a href="#Page_44">44</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Constitution trampled on, <a href="#Page_58">58</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;to stand upon, what, <a href="#Page_78">78</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Convention, what, <a href="#Page_44">44</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Convention, Springfield, <a href="#Page_44">44</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Coon, old, pleasure in skinning, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Coppers, <i>caste</i> in picking up of, <a href="#Page_94">94</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Copres, a monk, his excellent method of arguing, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Cornwallis, a, <a href="#Page_14">14</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;acknowledged entertaining, <i><a href="#Page_14">ib.</a></i>, <i><a href="#Footnote_6_6">note</a></i>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Cotton Mather, summoned as witness, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Country lawyers, sent providentially, <a href="#Page_31">31</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Country, our, its boundaries more exactly defined, <a href="#Page_32">32</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;right or wrong, nonsense about exposed, <i><a href="#Page_32">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Courier, The Boston, an unsafe print, <a href="#Page_52">52</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Court, General, farmers sometimes attain seats in, <a href="#Page_107">107</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Cowper, W., his letters commended, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span>Creed, a safe kind of, <a href="#Page_97">97</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Crusade, first American, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Cuneiform script recommended, <a href="#Page_85">85</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Curiosity distinguishes man from brutes, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Davis, Mr., of Mississippi, a remark of his, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Day and Martin, proverbially "on hand," <a href="#Page_2">2</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Death, rings down curtain, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Delphi, oracle of, surpassed, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i><ul>
+<li>&mdash;alluded to, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Destiny, her account, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Devil, the, unskilled in certain Indian tongues, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Dey of Tripoli, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Diaz, Bernal, has a vision, <a href="#Page_22">22</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;his relationship to the Scarlet Woman, <i><a href="#Page_22">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Didymus, a somewhat voluminous grammarian, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Dighton rock character might be usefully employed in some emergencies, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Dimitry Bruisgins, fresh supply of, <a href="#Page_73">73</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Diogenes, his zeal for propagating certain variety of olive, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Dioscuri, imps of the pit, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li>
+
+<li>District-Attorney, contemptible conduct of one, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Ditchwater on brain, a too common ailing, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Doctor, the, a proverbial saying of, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Doughface, yeast-proof, <a href="#Page_69">69</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Drayton, a martyr, <a href="#Page_55">55</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;north star, culpable for aiding, whether, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li></ul></li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Earth, Dame, a peep at her housekeeping, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Eating words, habit of, convenient in time of famine, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Eavesdroppers, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Editor, his position, <a href="#Page_64">64</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;commanding pulpit of, <i><a href="#Page_64">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;large congregation of, <i><a href="#Page_64">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;name derived from what, <a href="#Page_66">66</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;fondness for mutton, <i><a href="#Page_66">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a pious one, his creed, <i><a href="#Page_66">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a showman, <a href="#Page_71">71</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;in danger of sudden arrest, without bail, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Editors, certain ones who crow like cockerels, <a href="#Page_7">7</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Egyptian darkness, phial of, use for, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Eldorado, Mr. Sawin sets sail for, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Elizabeth, Queen, mistake of her ambassador, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Empedocles, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Employment, regular, a good thing, <a href="#Page_93">93</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Epaulets, perhaps no badge of saint-ship, <a href="#Page_30">30</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Episcopius, his marvellous oratory, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Eric, king of Sweden, his cap, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Evangelists, iron ones, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Eyelids, a divine shield against authors, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Ezekiel, text taken from, <a href="#Page_64">64</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Factory-girls, expected rebellion of, <a href="#Page_60">60</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Family-trees, fruit of jejune, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Faneuil Hall, a place where persons tap themselves for a species of hydrocephalus, <a href="#Page_54">54</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;a bill of fare mendaciously advertised in, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Father of country, his shoes, <a href="#Page_108">108</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Female Papists, cut off in midst of idolatry, <a href="#Page_104">104</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Fire, we all like to play with it, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Fish, emblematic, but disregarded, where, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Flam, President, untrustworthy, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Fly-leaves, providential increase of, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Foote, Mr., his taste for field-sports, <a href="#Page_58">58</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Fourier, a squinting toward, <a href="#Page_52">52</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Fourth of Julys, boiling, <a href="#Page_42">42</a>.</li>
+
+<li>France, a strange dance begun in, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Fuller, Dr. Thomas, a wise saying of, <a href="#Page_28">28</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Funnel, Old, hurraing in, <a href="#Page_15">15</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Gawain, Sir, his amusements, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Gay, S. H., Esquire, editor of National Antislavery Standard, letter to, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Getting up early, <a href="#Page_4">4</a>, <a href="#Page_20">20</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Ghosts, some, presumed fidgety, (but see Stilling's Pneumatology,) <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Giants formerly stupid, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Gift of Tongues, distressing case of, <a href="#Page_53">53</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Globe Theatre, cheap season-ticket to, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li>
+
+<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span>Glory, a perquisite of officers, <a href="#Page_94">94</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;her account with B. Sawin, Esq., <a href="#Page_99">99</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Goatsnose, the celebrated interview, with, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Gray's letters <i>are</i> letters, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Great horn spoon, sworn by, <a href="#Page_58">58</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Greeks, ancient, whether they questioned candidates, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Green Man, sign of, <a href="#Page_35">35</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Ham, sandwich, an orthodox (but peculiar) one, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Hamlets, machine for making, <a href="#Page_87">87</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Hammon, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>, <a href="#Page_83">83</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Hannegan, Mr., something said by, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Harrison, General, how preserved, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Hat-trees, in full bearing, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Hawkins, Sir John, stout, something he saw, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Henry the Fourth, of England, a Parliament of, how named, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Hercules, his second labour probably what, <a href="#Page_124">124</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Herodotus, story from, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Hesperides, an inference from, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Holden, Mr. Shearjashub, Preceptor of Jaalam Academy, <a href="#Page_83">83</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;his knowledge of Greek limited, <i><a href="#Page_83">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a heresy of his, <i><a href="#Page_83">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;leaves a fund to propagate it, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Hollis, Ezra, goes to a Cornwallis, <a href="#Page_14">14</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Hollow, why men providentially so constructed, <a href="#Page_42">42</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Homer, a phrase of, cited, <a href="#Page_65">65</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Horners, democratic ones, plums left for, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Howell, James, Esq. story told by, <a href="#Page_41">41</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;letters of, commended, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Human rights out of order on the floor of Congress, <a href="#Page_58">58</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Humbug, ascription of praise to, <a href="#Page_70">70</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;generally believed in, <i><a href="#Page_70">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Husbandry, instance of bad, <a href="#Page_28">28</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Icarius, Penelope's father, <a href="#Page_32">32</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Infants, prattlings of, curious observation concerning, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Information wanted (universally, but especially at page), <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Jaalam Centre, Anglo-Saxons unjustly suspected by the young ladies there, <a href="#Page_21">21</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;"Independent Blunderbuss," strange conduct of editor of, <a href="#Page_64">64</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;public meeting at, <a href="#Page_77">77</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Jaalam Point, light-house on charge of prospectively offered to Mr. H. Biglow, <a href="#Page_81">81</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;meeting-house ornamented with imaginary clock, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Jakes, Captain, <a href="#Page_119">119</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;reproved for avarice, <i><a href="#Page_119">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>James the Fourth of Scots, experiment by, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Jarnagin, Mr., his opinion of the completeness of Northern education, <a href="#Page_60">60</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Jerome, Saint, his list of sacred writers, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Job, Book of, <a href="#Page_10">10</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;Chappelow on, <a href="#Page_65">65</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Johnson, Mr., communicates some intelligence, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Jonah, the inevitable destiny of, <a href="#Page_62">62</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;probably studied internal economy of the cetacea, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Jortin, Dr., cited <a href="#Page_39">39</a>, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>.</li>
+
+<li>Judea, everything not known there, <a href="#Page_31">31</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Juvenal, a saying of, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_15_15">note</a></i>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Kay, Sir, the, of modern chivalry, who, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Key, brazen one, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Keziah, Aunt, profound observation of, <a href="#Page_3">3</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Kinderhook, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Kingdom Come, march to, easy, <a href="#Page_89">89</a>.</li>
+
+<li>K&ouml;nigsmark, Count, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Lamb, Charles, his epistolary excellence, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Latimer, Bishop, episcopizes Satan, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Latin tongue, curious information concerning, <a href="#Page_33">33</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Launcelot, Sir, a trusser of giants formerly, perhaps would find less sport therein now, <a href="#Page_56">56</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Letters classed, <a href="#Page_76">76</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;their shape, <i><a href="#Page_76">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;of candidates, <a href="#Page_81">81</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;often fatal, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Lewis Philip, a scourger of young native Americans, <a href="#Page_50">50</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;commiserated (though not deserving it,) <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Liberator, a newspaper, condemned by implication, <a href="#Page_35">35</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Liberty unwholesome for men of certain complexions, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li>
+
+<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span>Lignum vit&aelig;, a gift of this valuable wood proposed, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Longinus recommends swearing, <a href="#Page_13">13</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_5_5">note</a></i> (Fuseli did same thing).</li>
+
+<li>Long sweetening recommended, <a href="#Page_90">90</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Lost arts, one sorrowfully added to list of, <a href="#Page_124">124</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Louis the Eleventh of France, some odd trees of his, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Lowell, Mr. J. R., unaccountable silence of, <a href="#Page_33">33</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Luther, Martin, his first appearance as Europa, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Lyttelton, Lord, his letters, an imposition, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Macrobii, their diplomacy, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mahomet, got nearer Sinai than some, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mahound, his filthy gobbets, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mangum, Mr., speaks to the point, <a href="#Page_58">58</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Manich&aelig;an, excellently confuted, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Man-trees, grew where, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mares'-nests, finders of, benevolent, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Marshfield, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Martin, Mr. Sawin used to vote for him, <a href="#Page_115">115</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mason and Dixon's line, slaves north of, <a href="#Page_58">58</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mass, the, its duty defined, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Massachusetts, on her knees, <a href="#Page_8">8</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;something mentioned in connection with, worthy the attention of tailors, <a href="#Page_44">44</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;citizen of, baked, boiled, and roasted (<i>nefandum!</i>), <a href="#Page_95">95</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Masses, the, used as butter by some, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>.</li>
+
+<li>M. C., an invertebrate animal, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mechanics' Fair, reflections suggested at, <a href="#Page_87">87</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mentor, letters of, dreary, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mephistopheles at a nonplus, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mexican blood, its effect in raising price of cloth, <a href="#Page_103">103</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mexican polka, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mexicans charged with various breaches of etiquette, <a href="#Page_22">22</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;kind feelings beaten into them, <a href="#Page_70">70</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Mexico, no glory in overcoming, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Military glory spoken disrespectfully of, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_9_9">note</a></i><ul>
+<li>&mdash;militia treated still worse, <i><a href="#Footnote_9_9">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Milk-trees, growing still, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Mills for manufacturing gabble, how driven, <a href="#Page_53">53</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Milton, an unconscious plagiary, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_13_13">note</a></i><ul>
+<li>&mdash;a Latin verse of, cited, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Missions, a profitable kind of, <a href="#Page_67">67</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Monarch, a pagan, probably not favoured in philosophical experiments, <a href="#Page_12">12</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Money-trees desirable, <a href="#Page_100">100</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;that they once existed shown to be variously probable, <i><a href="#Page_100">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Montaigne, a communicative old Gascon, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Monterey, battle of, its singular chromatic effect on a species of two-headed eagle, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Moses held up vainly as an example, <a href="#Page_65">65</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;construed by Joe Smith, <i><a href="#Page_65">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Myths, how to interpret readily, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Naboths, Popish ones, how distinguished, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Nation, rights of, proportionate to size, <a href="#Page_20">20</a>.</li>
+
+<li>National pudding, its effect on the organs of speech, a curious physiological fact, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Nephelim, not yet extinct, <a href="#Page_124">124</a>.</li>
+
+<li>New England overpoweringly honoured, <a href="#Page_48">48</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;wants no more speakers, <i><a href="#Page_48">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;done brown by whom, <i><a href="#Page_48">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;her experience in beans beyond Cicero's, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Newspaper, the, wonderful, <a href="#Page_70">70</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;a strolling theatre, <a href="#Page_71">71</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;thoughts suggested by tearing wrapper of, <a href="#Page_72">72</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a vacant sheet, <i><a href="#Page_72">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a sheet in which a vision was let down, <a href="#Page_73">73</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;wrapper to a bar of soap, <i><a href="#Page_73">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a cheap impromptu platter, <i><a href="#Page_73">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>New York, Letters from, commended, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Next life, what, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Niggers, <a href="#Page_5">5</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;area of abusing extended, <a href="#Page_46">46</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;Mr. Sawin's opinions of, <a href="#Page_117">117</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Ninepence a day low for murder, <a href="#Page_14">14</a>.</li>
+
+<li>No, a monosyllable, <a href="#Page_25">25</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;hard to utter, <i><a href="#Page_25">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Noah, inclosed letter in bottle, probably, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Nornas, Lapland, what, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>.</li>
+
+<li>North, has no business, <a href="#Page_58">58</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;bristling, crowded off roost, <a href="#Page_81">81</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>North Bend, geese inhumanly treated at, <a href="#Page_82">82</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;mentioned, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span>North Star, a proposition to indict, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Off ox, <a href="#Page_70">70</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Officers, miraculous transformation in character of, <a href="#Page_21">21</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;Anglo-Saxon, come very near being anathematized, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>O'Phace, Increase D., Esq., speech of, <a href="#Page_40">40</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Oracle of Fools, still respectfully consulted, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Orion, becomes commonplace, <a href="#Page_73">73</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Orrery, Lord, his letters (lord!), <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Ostracism, curious species of, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Palestine, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Palfrey, Hon. J. G., <a href="#Page_41">41</a>, <a href="#Page_50">50</a> (a worthy representative of Massachusetts.)</li>
+
+<li>Pantagruel recommends a popular oracle, <a href="#Page_41">41</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Panurge, his interview with Goatsnose, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Papists, female, slain by zealous Protestant bomb-shell, <a href="#Page_104">104</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Paralipomenon, a man suspected of being, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Paris, liberal principles safe as far away as, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li>
+
+<li><i>Parliamentum Indoctorum</i> sitting in permanence, <a href="#Page_44">44</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Past, the, a good nurse, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Patience, sister, quoted, <a href="#Page_16">16</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Paynims, their throats propagandistically cut, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Penelope, her wise choice, <a href="#Page_32">32</a>.</li>
+
+<li>People, soft enough, <a href="#Page_68">68</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;want correct ideas, <a href="#Page_97">97</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Pepin, King, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Periwig, <a href="#Page_80">80</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Persius, a pithy saying of, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_14_14">note</a></i>.</li>
+
+<li>Pescara, Marquis, saying of, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Peter, Saint, a letter of (<i>post-mortem</i>), <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Pharisees, opprobriously referred to, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Philippe, Louis, in pea-jacket, <a href="#Page_71">71</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Phlegyas quoted, <a href="#Page_63">63</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Phrygian language, whether Adam spoke it, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Pilgrims, the, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Pillows, constitutional, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Pinto, Mr., some letters of his commended, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Pisgah, an impromptu one, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Platform, party, a convenient one, <a href="#Page_97">97</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Plato, supped with, <a href="#Page_75">75</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;his man, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Pleiades, the, not enough esteemed, <a href="#Page_73">73</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Pliny, his letters not admired, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Plotinus, a story of, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Plymouth Rock, Old, a Convention wrecked on, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Point Tribulation, Mr. Sawin wrecked on, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Poles, exile, whether crop of beans depends on, <a href="#Page_19">19</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_12_12">note</a></i>.</li>
+
+<li>Polk, President, synonymous with our country, <a href="#Page_30">30</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;censured, <a href="#Page_44">44</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;in danger of being crushed, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Polka, Mexican, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Pomp, a runaway slave, his nest, <a href="#Page_117">117</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;hypocritically groans like white man, <a href="#Page_118">118</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;blind to Christian privileges, <a href="#Page_119">119</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his society valued at fifty dollars, <i><a href="#Page_119">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his treachery, <a href="#Page_120">120</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;takes Mr. Sawin prisoner, <a href="#Page_121">121</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;cruelly makes him work, <i><a href="#Page_121">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;puts himself illegally under his tuition, <a href="#Page_122">122</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;dismisses him with contumelious epithets, <i><a href="#Page_122">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Pontifical bull, a tamed one, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Pope, his verse excellent, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Pork, refractory in boiling, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Portugal, Alphonso the Sixth of, a monster, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Post, Boston, <a href="#Page_33">33</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;shaken visibly, <a href="#Page_34">34</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;bad guide-post, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;too swift, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;edited by a colonel, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;who is presumed officially in Mexico, <i><a href="#Page_34">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;referred to, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Pot-hooks, death in, <a href="#Page_59">59</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Preacher, an ornamental symbol, <a href="#Page_65">65</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;a breeder of dogmas, <i><a href="#Page_65">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;earnestness of, important, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Present, considered as an annalist, <a href="#Page_65">65</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;not long wonderful, <a href="#Page_73">73</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>President, slaveholding natural to, <a href="#Page_66">66</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;must be a Southern resident, <a href="#Page_98">98</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;must own a nigger, <i><a href="#Page_98">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Principle, exposure spoils it, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Principles, bad, when less harmful, <a href="#Page_27">27</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Prophecy, a notable one, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>.</li>
+
+<li>Proviso, bitterly spoken of, <a href="#Page_79">79</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Prudence, sister, her idiosyncratic teapot, <a href="#Page_92">92</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Psammeticus, an experiment of, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Public opinion a blind and drunken guide, <a href="#Page_25">25</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;nudges Mr. Wilbur's elbow, <a href="#Page_26">26</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;ticklers of, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Pythagoras a bean-hater, why, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li>
+
+<li><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>Pythagoreans, fish reverenced by, why, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Quixote, Don, <a href="#Page_57">57</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Rag, one of sacred college, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Rantoul, Mr., talks loudly, <a href="#Page_16">16</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;pious reason for not enlisting, <i><a href="#Page_16">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Recruiting sergeant, Devil supposed the first, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Representatives' Chamber, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Rhinothism, society for promoting, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Rhyme, whether natural <i>not</i> considered, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Rib, an infrangible one, <a href="#Page_90">90</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Richard the First of England, his Christian fervour, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Riches conjectured to have legs as well as wings, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Robinson, Mr. John P., his opinions fully stated, <a href="#Page_27">27-31</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Rocks, pocket full of, <a href="#Page_91">91</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Rough and Ready, <a href="#Page_111">111</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;a wig, <a href="#Page_112">112</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a kind of scratch, <i><a href="#Page_112">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Russian eagle turns Prussian blue, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Sabbath, breach of, <a href="#Page_27">27</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Sabellianism, one accused of, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Saltillo, unfavourable view of, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Salt-river in, Mexican, what, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Samuel, Uncle, riotous, <a href="#Page_50">50</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;yet has qualities demanding reverence, <a href="#Page_66">66</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a good provider for his family, <a href="#Page_68">68</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;an exorbitant bill of, <a href="#Page_103">103</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Sansculottes, draw their wine before drinking, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Santa Anna, his expensive leg, <a href="#Page_96">96</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Satan, never wants attorneys, <a href="#Page_22">22</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;an expert talker by signs, <i><a href="#Page_22">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a successful fisherman with little or no bait, <a href="#Page_23">23</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;cunning fetch of, <a href="#Page_27">27</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;dislikes ridicule, <a href="#Page_34">34</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;ought not to have credit of ancient oracles, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_16_16">note</a></i>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Satirist, incident to certain dangers, <a href="#Page_28">28</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Savages, Canadian, chance of redemption offered to, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Sawin, B., Esquire, his letter not written in verse, <a href="#Page_11">11</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;a native of Jaalam, <a href="#Page_12">12</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;not regular attendant on Rev. Mr. Wilbur's preaching, <i><a href="#Page_12">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a fool, <i><a href="#Page_12">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his statements trustworthy, <i><a href="#Page_12">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his ornithological tastes, <i><a href="#Page_12">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;letter from, <a href="#Page_13">13</a>, <a href="#Page_86">86</a>, <a href="#Page_106">106</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his curious discovery in regard to bayonets, <a href="#Page_15">15</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;displays proper family pride, <i><a href="#Page_15">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;modestly confesses himself less wise than the Queen of Sheba, <a href="#Page_19">19</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;the old Adam in, peeps out, <a href="#Page_21">21</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a <i>miles emeritus</i>, <a href="#Page_86">86</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;is made text for a sermon, <i><a href="#Page_86">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;loses a leg, <a href="#Page_88">88</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;an eye, <a href="#Page_89">89</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;left hand, <i><a href="#Page_89">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;four fingers of right hand, <i><a href="#Page_89">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;has six or more ribs broken, <i><a href="#Page_89">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a rib of his infrangible, <a href="#Page_90">90</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;allows a certain amount of preterite greenness in himself, <a href="#Page_90">90</a>, <a href="#Page_91">91</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his share of spoil limited, <i><a href="#Page_90">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his opinion of Mexican climate, <a href="#Page_92">92</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;acquires property of a certain sort, <a href="#Page_93">93</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his experience of glory, <a href="#Page_93">93</a>, <a href="#Page_94">94</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;stands sentry, and puns thereupon, <a href="#Page_95">95</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;undergoes martyrdom in some of its most painful forms, <i><a href="#Page_95">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;enters the candidating business, <a href="#Page_96">96</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;modestly states the (avail) abilities which qualify him for high political station, <a href="#Page_96">96</a>, <a href="#Page_99">99</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;has no principles, <a href="#Page_96">96</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a peaceman, <i><a href="#Page_96">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;unpledged, <a href="#Page_97">97</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;has no objections to owning <i>peculiar</i> property, but would not like to monopolize the truth, <a href="#Page_98">98</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his account with glory, <a href="#Page_99">99</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a selfish motive hinted in, <a href="#Page_100">100</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;sails for Eldorado, <i><a href="#Page_100">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;shipwrecked on a metaphorical promontory, <i><a href="#Page_100">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;parallel between, and Rev. Mr. Wilbur (not Plutarchian), <a href="#Page_102">102</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;conjectured to have bathed in river Selemnus, <a href="#Page_106">106</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;loves plough wisely, but not too well, <i><a href="#Page_106">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a foreign mission probably expected by, <a href="#Page_107">107</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;unanimously nominated for presidency, <a href="#Page_108">108</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his country's father-in-law, <a href="#Page_109">109</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;nobly emulates Cincinnatus, <a href="#Page_110">110</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;is not a crooked stick, <i><a href="#Page_110">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;advises his adherents, <i><a href="#Page_110">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;views of, on present state of politics, <a href="#Page_110">110-117</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;popular enthusiasm for, at Bellers's, and its disagreeable consequences, <a href="#Page_111">111</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;inhuman treatment of, by Bellers, <a href="#Page_112">112</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his opinion of the two parties, <a href="#Page_113">113</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;agrees with Mr. Webster, <i><a href="#Page_113">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his antislavery zeal, <a href="#Page_115">115</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his proper self-respect, <i><a href="#Page_115">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his unaffected piety, <i><a href="#Page_115">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;his not intemperate temperance, <a href="#Page_117">117</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a thrilling adventure of, <a href="#Page_117">117-122</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his prudence<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span> and economy, <a href="#Page_117">117</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;bound to Captain Jakes, but regains his freedom, <a href="#Page_119">119</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;is taken prisoner, <a href="#Page_121">121-122</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;ignominiously treated, <a href="#Page_121">121-122</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his consequent resolution, <a href="#Page_122">122</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Sayres, a martyr, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Scaliger, saying of, <a href="#Page_28">28</a>.</li>
+
+<li><i>Scarab&aelig;us pilularius</i>, <a href="#Page_18">18</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Scott, General, his claims to the presidency, <a href="#Page_34">34</a>, <a href="#Page_37">37</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Scythians, their diplomacy commended, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Seamen, coloured, sold, <a href="#Page_8">8</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Selemnus, a sort of Lethean river, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Senate, debate in, made readable, <a href="#Page_55">55</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Seneca, saying of, <a href="#Page_27">27</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;another, <a href="#Page_51">51</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;overrated by a saint (but see Lord Bolingbroke's opinion of, in a letter to Dean Swift), <a href="#Page_76">76</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his letters not commended, <i><a href="#Page_76">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a son of Rev. Mr. Wilbur, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Serbonian bog of literature, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Sextons, demand for, <a href="#Page_61">61</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;heroic official devotion of one, <a href="#Page_120">120</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Shaking fever, considered as an employer, <a href="#Page_93">93</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Shakspeare, a good reporter, <a href="#Page_40">40</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Sham, President, honest, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Sheba, Queen of, <a href="#Page_19">19</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Sheep, none of Rev. Mr. Wilbur's turned wolves, <a href="#Page_12">12</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Shem, Scriptural curse of, <a href="#Page_122">122</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Show, natural to love it, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_9_9">note</a></i>.</li>
+
+<li>Silver spoon born in Democracy's mouth what, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Sinai suffers outrages, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Sin, wilderness of, modern, what, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Skin, hole in, strange taste of some for, <a href="#Page_94">94</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Slaughter, whether God strengthen us for, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Slaughterers and soldiers compared, <a href="#Page_104">104</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Slaughtering nowadays <i>is</i> slaughtering, <a href="#Page_104">104</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Slavery, of no colour, <a href="#Page_6">6</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;cornerstone of liberty, <a href="#Page_52">52</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;also keystone, <a href="#Page_58">58</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;last crumb of Eden, <a href="#Page_61">61</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a Jonah, <a href="#Page_62">62</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;an institution, <a href="#Page_80">80</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a private State concern, <a href="#Page_118">118</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Smith, Joe, used as a translation, <a href="#Page_65">65</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Smith, John, an interesting character, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Smith, Mr., fears entertained for, <a href="#Page_63">63</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;dined with, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Smith, N. B., his magnanimity, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Soandso, Mr., the great, defines his position, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Sol, the fisherman, <a href="#Page_18">18</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;soundness of respiratory organs hypothetically attributed to, <i><a href="#Page_18">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Solon, a saying of, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li>
+
+<li>South Carolina, futile attempt to anchor, <a href="#Page_57">57</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Spanish, to walk, what, <a href="#Page_20">20</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Speech-making, an abuse of gift of speech, <a href="#Page_53">53</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Star, north, subject to indictment, whether, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Store, cheap cash, a wicked fraud, <a href="#Page_102">102</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Strong, Governor Caleb, a patriot, <a href="#Page_32">32</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Swearing, commended as a figure of speech, <a href="#Page_13">13</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_5_5">note</a></i>.</li>
+
+<li>Swift, Dean, threadbare saying of, <a href="#Page_34">34</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Tag, elevated to the Cardinalate, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Taxes, direct, advantages of, <a href="#Page_103">103</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Taylor zeal, its origin, <a href="#Page_111">111</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;General, greased by Mr. Choate, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Thanks, get lodged, <a href="#Page_93">93</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Thirty-nine articles might be made serviceable, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Thor, a foolish attempt of, <a href="#Page_57">57</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Thumb, General Thomas, a valuable member of society, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Thunder, supposed in easy circumstances, <a href="#Page_90">90</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Thynne, Mr., murdered, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Time, an innocent personage to swear by, <a href="#Page_13">13</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_5_5">note</a></i><ul>
+<li>&mdash;a scene-shifter, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Toms, Peeping, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Trees, various kinds of extraordinary ones, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Trowbridge, William, mariner, adventure of, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Truth and falsehood start from same point, <a href="#Page_27">27</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;truth invulnerable to satire, <i><a href="#Page_27">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;compared to a river, <a href="#Page_40">40</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;of fiction sometimes truer than fact, <i><a href="#Page_40">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;told plainly, <i>passim</i>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Tuileries, exciting scene at, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Tully, a saying of, <a href="#Page_43">43</a>, <i><a href="#Footnote_13_13">note</a></i>.</li>
+
+<li>Tweedledee, gospel according to, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Tweedledum, great principles of, <a href="#Page_66">66</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Ulysses, husband of Penelope, <a href="#Page_32">32</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;borrows money, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>. (For full <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span>particulars of, see Homer and Dante.)</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>University, triennial catalogue of, <a href="#Page_36">36</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Van Buren fails of gaining Mr. Sawin's confidence, <a href="#Page_116">116</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;his son John reproved, <i><a href="#Page_116">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Van, Old, plan to set up, <a href="#Page_115">115</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Venetians, invented something once, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Vices, cardinal, sacred conclave of, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Victoria, Queen, her natural terror, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Vratz, Captain, a Pomeranian, singular views of, <a href="#Page_10">10</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Walpole, Horace, classed, <a href="#Page_75">75</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;his letters praised, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Waltham Plain, Cornwallis at, <a href="#Page_14">14</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Walton, punctilious in his intercourse with fishes, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>.</li>
+
+<li>War, abstract, horrid, <a href="#Page_79">79</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;its hoppers, grist of, what, <a href="#Page_94">94</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Warton, Thomas, a story of, <a href="#Page_38">38</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Washington, charge brought against, <a href="#Page_109">109</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Washington, city of, climatic influence of, on coats, <a href="#Page_44">44</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;mentioned, <a href="#Page_55">55</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;grand jury of, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Washingtons, two hatched at a time by improved machine, <a href="#Page_109">109</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Wate, Taunton, proverbially weak, <a href="#Page_117">117</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Water-trees, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Webster, some sentiments of, commended by Mr. Sawin, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Westcott, Mr., his horror, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Whig party, has a large throat, <a href="#Page_35">35</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;but query as to swallowing spurs, <a href="#Page_114">114</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>White-house, <a href="#Page_81">81</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Wife-trees, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Wilbur, Rev. Homer, A. M., consulted, <a href="#Page_2">2</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;his instructions to his flock, <a href="#Page_12">12</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a proposition of his for Protestant bombshells, <a href="#Page_24">24</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his elbow nudged, <a href="#Page_26">26</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his notions of satire, <a href="#Page_27">27</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;some opinions of his quoted with apparent approval by Mr. Biglow, <a href="#Page_31">31</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;geographical speculations of, <a href="#Page_32">32</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a justice of the peace, <i><a href="#Page_32">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a letter of, <a href="#Page_33">33</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a Latin pun of, <i><a href="#Page_33">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;runs against a post without injury, <a href="#Page_34">34</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;does not seek notoriety (whatever some malignants may affirm), <a href="#Page_36">36</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;fits youths for college, <i><a href="#Page_36">ib.</a></i></li>
+<li>&mdash;a chaplain during late war with England, <a href="#Page_38">38</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a shrewd observation of, <a href="#Page_40">40</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;some curious speculations of, <a href="#Page_52">52</a>, <a href="#Page_54">54</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his martello-tower, <a href="#Page_53">53</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;forgets he is not in pulpit, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>, <a href="#Page_86">86</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;extracts from sermon of, <a href="#Page_64">64</a>, <a href="#Page_70">70</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;interested in John Smith, <a href="#Page_74">74</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his views concerning present state of letters, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>, <a href="#Page_77">77</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;a stratagem of, <a href="#Page_82">82</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;ventures two hundred and fourth interpretation of Beast in Apocalypse, <a href="#Page_83">83</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;christens Hon. B. Sawin, then an infant, <a href="#Page_86">86</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;an addition to our <i>sylva</i> proposed by, <a href="#Page_100">100</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;curious and instructive adventure of, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>, <a href="#Page_102">102</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his account with an unnatural uncle, <a href="#Page_103">103</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;his uncomfortable imagination, <a href="#Page_104">104</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;speculations concerning Cincinnatus, <a href="#Page_106">106</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;confesses digressive tendency of mind, <a href="#Page_123">123</a></li>
+<li>&mdash;goes to work on sermon (not without fear that his readers will dub him with a reproachful epithet like that with which Isaac Allerton, a Mayflower man, revenges himself on a delinquent debtor of his, calling him in his will, and thus holding him up to posterity, as "John Peterson, <span class="smcap">The Bore</span>"), <a href="#Page_125">125</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Wilbur, Mrs., an invariable rule of, <a href="#Page_37">37</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;her profile, <i><a href="#Page_37">ib.</a></i></li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Wildbore, a vernacular one, how to escape, <a href="#Page_54">54</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Wind, the, a good Samaritan, <a href="#Page_86">86</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Wooden leg, remarkable for sobriety, <a href="#Page_88">88</a><ul>
+<li>&mdash;never eats pudding, <a href="#Page_90">90</a>.</li></ul></li>
+
+<li>Wright, Colonel, providentially rescued, <a href="#Page_18">18</a>.</li>
+
+<li>Wrong, abstract, safe to oppose, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+
+<ul><li>Zack, Old, <a href="#Page_110">110</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+
+<p class="head1">THE END.</p>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The Biglow Papers, by James Russell Lowell
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BIGLOW PAPERS ***
+
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+</body>
+</html>
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@@ -0,0 +1,6892 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Biglow Papers, by James Russell Lowell
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Biglow Papers
+
+Author: James Russell Lowell
+
+Editor: Thomas Hughes
+
+Release Date: September 20, 2007 [EBook #22680]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BIGLOW PAPERS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Susan Skinner, Stephen Blundell and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                       THE
+
+                  BIGLOW PAPERS.
+
+
+                       BY
+              JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL.
+
+
+                  NEWLY EDITED,
+                 WITH A PREFACE
+                     BY THE
+      AUTHOR OF "_TOM BROWN'S SCHOOL-DAYS_."
+
+
+             THIRD ENGLISH EDITION.
+
+
+ Reprinted, with the Author's Sanction, from the
+             Last American Edition.
+
+
+                     LONDON:
+        TRUeBNER & CO. 60, PATERNOSTER ROW.
+                      1861.
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note
+
+Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note. Dialect
+spellings, contractions and discrepancies have been retained.
+
+Greek words have been transliterated and are shown between {braces}.
+
+The carat symbol [^] has been used to note 'superscript', and three
+asterisks [***] represent an inverted asterism. The following less
+common characters have been transcribed as follows:
+
+  [)a] a with breve
+  [=a] a with macron
+  [oe] oe ligature
+
+
+
+
+PUBLISHERS' PREFACE.
+
+
+In order to avoid any misconception, the Publishers think it advisable
+to announce that the present Edition of the "Biglow Papers" is issued
+with the express sanction of the Author, granted by letter, from which
+the following is an extract:--
+
+
+                               "CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS,
+                                           _14th September, 1859_.
+
+    "I think it would be well for you to announce that you are to
+    publish an Authorized Edition of the 'BIGLOW PAPERS;' for I have
+    just received a letter from Mr. ----, who tells me that a Mr. ----
+    was thinking of an edition, and wished him to edit it. Any such
+    undertaking will be entirely against my will, and I take it for
+    granted that Mr. ---- only formed the plan in ignorance of your
+    intention.
+
+                           "With many thanks, very truly yours,
+
+                                                   "J. R. LOWELL."
+
+
+
+
+ENGLISH EDITOR'S PREFACE.
+
+
+I can safely say that few things in my life have pleased me more than
+the request of Messrs. Truebner, backed by the expressed wish of the
+author, that I would see the first English edition of the "Biglow
+Papers" through the press. I fell in with the Papers about ten years
+ago, soon after their publication; and the impression they then made on
+me has been deepening and becoming more lively ever since. In fact, I do
+not think that, even in his own New England, Mr. Lowell can have a more
+constant or more grateful reader, though I cannot say that I go much
+beyond most of my own intimate friends over here in my love for his
+works. I may remark, in passing, that the impossibility of keeping a
+copy of the "Biglow Papers" for more than a few weeks (of which many of
+us have had repeated and sorrowful proof[1]) shows how much an English
+Edition is needed.
+
+Perhaps, strictly speaking, I should say a reprint, and not an edition.
+In fact, I am not clear (in spite of the wishes of author and
+publishers) that I have any right to call myself editor, for the book is
+as thoroughly edited already as a book need be. What between dear old
+Parson Wilbur--with his little vanities and pedantries, his "infinite
+faculty of sermonizing," his simplicity and humour, and his deep and
+righteous views of life, and power of hard hitting when he has anything
+to say which needs driving home--and Father Ezekiel, "the brown
+parchment-hided old man of the geoponic or bucolic species," "76 year
+old cum next tater diggin, and thair aint nowheres a kitting" (we
+readily believe) "spryer 'n he be;" and that judicious and lazy
+sub-editor, "Columbus Nye, pastor of a church in Bungtown Corner,"
+whose acquaintance we make so thoroughly in the ten lines which he
+contributes--whatever of setting or framing was needed, or indeed
+possible, for the nine gems in verse of Mr. Hosea Biglow, has been so
+well done already in America by the hand best fitted for the task, that
+he must be a bold man who would meddle with the book now in the editing
+way. Even the humble satisfaction of adding a glossary and index has
+been denied to me, as there are already very good ones. I have merely
+added some half-dozen words to the glossary, at which I thought that
+English readers might perhaps stumble. When the proposal was first made
+to me, indeed, I thought of trying my hand at a sketch of American
+politics of thirteen years ago, the date of the Mexican war and of the
+first appearance of the "Biglow Papers." But I soon found out, first,
+that I was not, and had no ready means of making myself, competent for
+such a task; secondly, that the book did not need it. The very slight
+knowledge which every educated Englishman has of Transatlantic politics
+will be quite enough to make him enjoy the racy smack of the American
+soil, which is one of their great charms; and, as to the particular
+characters, they are most truly citizens of the world as well as
+Americans. If an Englishman cannot find 'Bird-o'-freedom Sawins,' 'John
+P. Robinson's,' 'pious editors,' and candidates "facin' south-by-north"
+at home--ay, and if he is not conscious of his own individual propensity
+to the meannesses and duplicities of such, which come under the lash of
+Hosea--he knows little of the land we live in, or of his own heart, and
+is not worthy to read the "Biglow Papers."
+
+Instead, therefore, of any attempt of my own, I will give Mr. Lowell's
+own account of how and why he came to write this book. "All I can say
+is," he writes, "the book was _thar_. How it came is more than I can
+tell. I cannot, like the great Goethe, deliberately imagine what would
+have been a proper 'Entstehungsweise' for my book, and then assume it as
+fact. I only know that I believed our war with Mexico (though we had as
+just ground for it as a strong nation ever had against a weak one) to be
+essentially a war of false pretences, and that it would result in
+widening the boundaries, and so prolonging the life of slavery.
+Believing that it is the manifest destiny of the English race to occupy
+this whole continent, and to display there that practical understanding
+in matters of government and colonization which no other race has given
+such proofs of possessing since the Romans, I hated to see a noble hope
+evaporated into a lying phrase to sweeten the foul breath of demagogues.
+Leaving the sin of it to God, I believed, and still believe, that
+slavery is the Achilles-heel of our own polity, that it is a temporary
+and false supremacy of the white races, sure to destroy that supremacy
+at last, because an enslaved people always prove themselves of more
+enduring fibre than their enslavers, as not suffering from the social
+vices sure to be engendered by oppression in the governing class.
+Against these and many other things I thought all honest men should
+protest. I was born and bred in the country, and the dialect was homely
+to me. I tried my first Biglow paper in a newspaper, and found that it
+had a great run. So I wrote the others from time to time during the
+year which followed, always very rapidly, and sometimes (as with 'What
+Mr. Robinson thinks') at one sitting. When I came to collect them and
+publish them in a volume, I conceived my parson-editor, with his
+pedantry and verbosity, his amiable vanity and superiority to the verses
+he was editing, as a fitting artistic background and foil. He gave me
+the chance, too, of glancing obliquely at many things which were beyond
+the horizon of my other characters."
+
+There are two American books, elder brethren of "The Biglow Papers,"
+which it would be unjust in an Englishman not to mention while
+introducing their big younger brother to his own countrymen,--I mean, of
+course, "Major Downing's Letters," and "Sam Slick;" both of which are
+full of rare humour, and treat of the most exciting political questions
+of their day in a method and from points of view of which we are often
+reminded while reading the "Biglow Papers." In fact, Mr. Lowell borrows
+his name from the Major's Letters;--"Zekel Bigelow, Broker and Banker of
+Wall Street, New York," is the friend who corrects the spelling, and
+certifies to the genuineness, of the honest Major's effusions,[2] and is
+one of the raciest characters in the book. No one, I am sure, would be
+so ready as Mr. Lowell to acknowledge whatever obligations he may have
+to other men, and no one can do it more safely. For though he may owe a
+name or an idea to others, he seems to me to stand quite alone amongst
+Americans, and to be the only one who is beyond question entitled to
+take his place in the first rank, by the side of the great political
+satirists of ancient and modern Europe.
+
+Greece had her Aristophanes; Rome her Juvenal; Spain has had her
+Cervantes; France her Rabelais, her Moliere, her Voltaire; Germany her
+Jean Paul, her Heine; England her Swift, her Thackeray; and America has
+her Lowell. By the side of all those great masters of satire, though
+kept somewhat in the rear by provincialism of style and subject, the
+author of the "Biglow Papers" holds his own place distinct from each
+and all. The man who reads the book for the first time, and is capable
+of understanding it, has received a new sensation. In Lowell the
+American mind has for the first time flowered out into thoroughly
+original genius.
+
+There is an airy grace about the best pieces of Washington Irving, which
+has no parallel amongst English writers, however closely modelled may be
+his style upon that of the Addisonian age. There is much original power,
+which will perhaps be better appreciated at a future day, about Fenimore
+Cooper's delineations of the physical and spiritual border-land, between
+white and red, between civilization and savagery. There is dramatic
+power of a high order about Mr. Hawthorne, though mixed with a certain
+morbidness and bad taste, which debar him from ever attaining to the
+first rank. There is an originality of position about Mr. Emerson, in
+his resolute setting up of King Self against King Mob, which, coupled
+with a singular metallic glitter of style, and plenty of shrewd New
+England mother-wit, have made up together one of the best counterfeits
+of genius that has been seen for many a day; so good, indeed, that most
+men are taken by it for the first quarter of an hour at the least. But
+for real unmistakable genius,--for that glorious fulness of power which
+knocks a man down at a blow for sheer admiration, and then makes him
+rush into the arms of the knocker-down, and swear eternal friendship
+with him for sheer delight; the "Biglow Papers" stand alone.
+
+If I sought to describe their characteristics, I should say, the most
+exuberant and extravagant humour, coupled with strong, noble, Christian
+purpose,--a thorough scorn for all that is false and base, all the more
+withering because of the thorough geniality of the writer. Perhaps Jean
+Paul is of all the satirists I have named the one who at bottom presents
+most affinity with Lowell, but the differences are marked. The
+intellectual sphere of the German is vaster, but though with certain
+aims before him, he rather floats and tumbles about like a porpoise at
+play than follows any direct perceptible course. With Lowell, on the
+contrary, every word tells, every laugh is a blow; as if the god Momus
+had turned out as Mars, and were hard at work fighting every inch of
+him, grinning his broadest all the while.
+
+Will some English readers be shocked by this combination of broad and
+keen humour with high Christian purpose--the association of humour and
+Christianity? I hope not. At any rate, I would remind any such of
+Luther, and of our own Latimer and Rowland Hill; are they prepared to
+condemn them and many more like them? Nay (though it is a question which
+can only be hinted at here), does not the Bible itself sanction the
+combination by its own example? Is there not humour mixed with the
+tremendous sarcasm of the old prophets--dread humour no doubt, but
+humour unmistakably--wherever they speak of the helplessness of idols,
+as in the forty-fourth and forty-sixth chapters of Isaiah, and in
+Elijah's mockery of the priests of Baal:--"Cry aloud, for he is a God;
+either he is talking, or he is pursuing, or he is on a journey, or
+peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awakened." Is not the book of
+Proverbs full of grave, dry, pungent humour? Consider only the following
+passage out of many of the same spirit: "As the door turneth upon his
+hinges, so doth the slothful upon his bed. The slothful hideth his hand
+in his bosom, it grieveth him to bring it again to his mouth. The
+sluggard is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a
+reason. He that passeth by and meddleth with strife belonging not to
+him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears."--Prov. xxvi. 14-17.
+
+Or if it be objected that these things belong to an earlier covenant,
+that laughter and jesting are "not convenient" under the Gospel of Him
+who came not to destroy the law but to fulfil it, there is, perhaps, an
+answer to this also.
+
+For a specimen of subdued humour in narrative, adhering in the most
+literal manner to facts, and yet contriving to bring them out by that
+graphic literalness under their most ludicrous aspect, what can equal
+St. Luke's description of the riot at Ephesus? The picture of the narrow
+trade selfishness of Demetrius--of polytheism reduced into a matter of
+business--of the inanity of a mob tumult in an enslaved country--of the
+mixed coaxing and bullying of its officials, was surely never brought
+out with a more latter vice, indeed, includes both the others, or
+rather uses them as its instruments. Thus, the "pious Editor" proclaims,
+as his creed,--
+
+    I du believe in Freedom's cause
+      Ez fur away ez Paris is;
+    I love to see her stick her claws
+      In them infarnal Pharisees;
+
+    It's wal enough agin a king
+      To dror resolves and triggers,
+    But libbaty's a kind o' thing
+      Thet don't agree with niggers.
+
+No doubt they go further than this. I am quite aware that Mr. Lowell
+will be claimed as a champion by the peace party in this country; and
+certainly no keener things have been said against war in general than
+are to be found in this book.
+
+With our own peace-at-any-price party, no one has less sympathy than I;
+and this leads me to urge on all English readers to bear in mind, that
+the "Biglow Papers" were written for a New England audience, by a New
+Englander, and must be judged from a New England point of view. The
+citizen of a huge young mammoth country, divided by a whole ocean from
+the nearest enemy that it could fear, assailable only on the vivid
+sense of the absurdity of the whole. "And Gallio cared for none of these
+things," is another touch of quiet humour, which at once brings out the
+ludicrous aspect of the punishment of the Jewish agitators by means of
+the very tumults which they raised.
+
+I take it, therefore, that the exhibition of humour, in the pursuit, and
+as an aid for the attainment of a noble Christian purpose, is a means of
+action not only sanctioned by the very constitution of our natures (in
+which God has implanted so deeply the sense of the ludicrous, surely not
+that we might root it out) but, by the very example of Holy Writ. The
+humour exhibited may be different in degree and in quality; the skies of
+Syria are not those of Germany, or of Spain, of England, whether old or
+new. But the gift in itself is a pure and precious one, if lawfully and
+rightfully used.
+
+Military braggadocio, political and literary humbug, and slave-holding,
+are the three great butts at which Hosea Biglow and Parson Wilbur shoot,
+at point-blank range, and with shafts drawn well to the ear. The fringe
+of its seaboard (itself consisting chiefly of unapproachable swamp or
+barren sand wastes), surrounded by weak neighbours or thin wandering
+hordes, only too easy to bully, to subdue, to eat up; from which bands
+of pirates, under the name of liberators, swarm forth year after year,
+almost unchecked, to neighbouring lands, and to which if defeated they
+only return to be caressed and applauded by their congeners; where the
+getting up of war-fevers forms part of the stock in trade of too many of
+the leading politicians; where in particular the grasping at new
+territories for slave labour, by means however foul, has become the
+special and avowed policy of the slavery party; the citizen of such a
+country has a right to tell his countrymen that--
+
+    'T'aint your eppyletts an' feathers
+      Make the thing a grain more right;
+    'T'aint afollerin' your bell-wethers
+      Will excuse ye in His sight;
+
+    'Ef you take a sword an' dror it,
+      An' go stick a feller thru,
+    'Guv'ment aint to answer for it,
+      God 'll send the bill to you.
+
+And the bravest officer in Her Majesty's service will laugh as heartily
+as you will, I take it, my dear reader, if you have never heard it
+before, over a picture and a contrast such as the following:--
+
+    Parson Wilbur sez, _he_ never heerd in his life
+      Thet th' Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats,
+    An' marched round in front of a drum and a fife
+      To git, some on 'em office, an some on em votes,
+                    But John P
+                    Robinson he
+      Sez they didnt know everythin' down in Juddee.
+
+But England is a small and wealthy country, whose best defence against a
+neighbour, always likely to become a foe, consists in a mere ocean
+canal; where the question, I will not say of war, but of readiness for
+war, is one of life or death--in which the temptation, always so strong,
+to subordinate national honour to what is supposed to be policy, is in
+our day for most statesmen almost irresistible, because political
+influence is so evenly balanced, that a peace party of perhaps twenty
+votes has often the destinies of a ministry in its hands. Had Mr. Lowell
+been an Englishman, no one who knows his writings can believe for a
+moment that he would have swelled the cry or strengthened the hands of
+the vain and mischievous clique, who amongst us have of late years
+raised the cry of peace when there is no peace.
+
+The same caution will apply to our marked peculiarity of style in the
+book, which may offend at first many persons otherwise most capable of
+entering into its spirit. I mean the constant, and so to speak,
+pervading use of Scripture language and incidents, not only side by side
+with the most grotesque effusions of humour, but as one main element of
+the ludicrous effects produced. This undoubtedly would be as really
+offensive as it would be untrue, from any other point of view perhaps
+than that of a New Englander bred in the country. The rural population
+of New England is still, happily for itself, tinctured in all its
+language, habits, modes of feeling and thought, by a strict Scriptural
+training--"Out of the fulness of the heart the mouth speaketh." Look
+below the surface and you will see that there is no irreverence whatever
+beneath Hosea Biglow's daring use of Scripture; only that "perfect love
+which casteth out fear;" that the very purpose of the whole book is to
+set up Christ's Gospel as _the_ standard by which alone all men are to
+be judged in all their acts. We may disagree from him in the
+conclusions which he draws from Scripture; of his earnest sincerity in
+enforcing those conclusions we cannot doubt.
+
+It is satisfactory, indeed, to think that Mr. Lowell's shafts have
+already, in a great measure, ceased to be required, or would have to be
+aimed now at other bull's eyes. The servility of the Northern States to
+the South, which twelve years ago so raised his indignation, has well
+nigh ceased to be. The vital importance of the slavery question is now
+thoroughly recognized by the great republican party, which I trust is
+year by year advancing towards an assured victory.
+
+For that victory Mr. Lowell has done knight's-service by his other
+works, as well as by the "Biglow Papers." I need not do more than refer
+to these, however, as they have been published in a cheap form over
+here, and I believe have circulated largely. In his other poems he is by
+no means so equal as in the "Biglow Papers;" but I cannot help thinking
+that (leaving out of sight altogether his satirical works) fifty years
+hence he will be recognized as the greatest American poet of our day,
+notwithstanding the contemporary judgment which has in England, and I
+believe in America, assigned that proud place to his friend and
+predecessor at Harvard College, H. W. Longfellow. To any reader who has
+not met with Lowell's Poems, and who may be induced to read them after a
+perusal of the present volume, I should recommend "The Vision of Sir
+Launfal," "A Parable," "Stanzas on Freedom," "The Present Crisis," and
+"Hunger and Cold," as specially fit to be read in connexion with the
+"Biglow Papers." It is only by looking at all sides of a man of this
+mould that you can get a notion of his size and power. Readers,
+therefore, should search out for themselves the exquisite little gems of
+a lighter kind, which lie about in the other poems comprised in the
+volume. I am only indicating those which, as it seems to me, when taken
+with the "Biglow Papers," give the best idea of the man, and what his
+purpose in life has been, and is.
+
+I will not think so badly of my countrymen as to suppose for a moment
+that "The Biglow Papers" will not become the intimate friends of all
+good fellows in England; and when we have really made friends with a
+book, we like to know something about our friend's father; so I shall
+add the little I know of the history of James Russell Lowell.
+
+He was born in 1819, at Cambridge, Massachusetts, so that he is some
+years younger than our own laureate, and we may hope to get out of him
+many another noble work, though we shall get no more "Biglow Papers"--at
+least I fear not; for the sort of inspiration which finds voice in this
+way comes, I take it, only once in a man's life. And moreover, this is
+his own conviction. In a letter which I received from him as to the
+present publication, he writes: "Friendly people say to me sometimes,
+'Write us more "Biglow Papers;"' and I have even been simple enough to
+try, only to find that I could not. This has helped to persuade me that
+the book was a genuine growth, and not a manufacture, and that therefore
+I had an honest right to be pleased without blushing, if people liked
+it." He was educated at Harvard College, Cambridge; and, in fact, has
+never lived away from his native place. He read law, but never
+practised; and in 1855 was chosen to succeed Longfellow as Professor of
+Modern Literature in Harvard College. He has visited Europe twice; and I
+am sure that every one who knows his works must join with me in the
+hearty wish that he may come among us again as soon as possible.
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[1] Should this meet the eye of any persons who may have forgotten to
+return American copies of the "Biglow Papers" to their respective
+owners, they are requested to forward them to the publishers. The
+strictest secrecy will be preserved, and an acknowledgment given in _The
+Times_ if required.
+
+[2] See the English Edition of "Letters of Major Downing," published by
+John Murray in 1835, pp. 22, 23; and Letters x. xi. xii. and xv.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+
+                                                       PAGE
+
+ PUBLISHER'S PREFACE                                      v
+
+
+ EDITOR'S PREFACE                                       vii
+
+
+ NOTICES OF AN INDEPENDENT PRESS                       xxix
+
+
+ No. I.
+
+ A LETTER FROM MR. EZEKIEL BIGLOW OF JAALAM TO THE
+   HON. JOSEPH T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON
+   COURIER, INCLOSING A POEM OF HIS SON, MR. HOSEA
+   BIGLOW                                                 1
+
+
+ No. II.
+
+ A LETTER FROM MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE HON.
+   J. T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER,
+   COVERING A LETTER FROM MR. B. SAWIN, PRIVATE IN
+   THE MASSACHUSETTS REGIMENT                            11
+
+
+ No. III.
+
+ WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS                                27
+
+
+ No. IV.
+
+ REMARKS OF INCREASE D. O'PHACE, ESQUIRE, AT AN
+   EX-TRUMPERY CAUCUS IN STATE STREET, REPORTED BY
+   MR. H. BIGLOW                                         40
+
+
+ No. V.
+
+ THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT. SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME          55
+
+
+ No. VI.
+
+ THE PIOUS EDITOR'S CREED                                64
+
+
+ No. VII.
+
+ A LETTER FROM A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN
+   ANSWER TO SUTTIN QUESTIONS PROPOSED BY MR. HOSEA
+   BIGLOW, INCLOSED IN A NOTE FROM MR. BIGLOW TO S.
+   H. GAY, ESQ., EDITOR OF THE NATIONAL ANTISLAVERY
+   STANDARD                                              74
+
+
+ No. VIII.
+
+ A SECOND LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.                     86
+
+
+ No. IX.
+
+ A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.                     106
+
+
+ GLOSSARY                                               127
+
+
+ INDEX                                                  131
+
+
+
+
+NOTICES OF AN INDEPENDENT PRESS.
+
+
+[I have observed, reader, (bene- or male-volent, as it may happen,) that
+it is customary to append to the second editions of books, and to the
+second works of authors, short sentences commendatory of the first,
+under the title of _Notices of the Press_. These, I have been given to
+understand, are procurable at certain established rates, payment being
+made either in money or advertising patronage by the publisher, or by an
+adequate outlay of servility on the part of the author. Considering
+these things with myself, and also that such notices are neither
+intended, nor generally believed, to convey any real opinions, being a
+purely ceremonial accompaniment of literature, and resembling
+certificates to the virtues of various morbiferal panaceas, I conceived
+that it would be not only more economical to prepare a sufficient number
+of such myself, but also more immediately subservient to the end in
+view, to prefix them to this our primary edition, rather than await the
+contingency of a second, when they would seem to be of small utility. To
+delay attaching the _bobs_ until the second attempt at flying the kite
+would indicate but a slender experience in that useful art. Neither has
+it escaped my notice, nor failed to afford me matter of reflection,
+that, when a circus or a caravan is about to visit Jaalam, the initial
+step is to send forward large and highly ornamented bills of performance
+to be hung in the bar-room and the post-office. These having been
+sufficiently gazed at, and beginning to lose their attractiveness
+except for the flies, and, truly, the boys also, (in whom I find it
+impossible to repress, even during school-hours, certain oral and
+telegraphic correspondences concerning the expected show,) upon some
+fine morning the band enters in a gaily-painted waggon, or triumphal
+chariot, and with noisy advertisement, by means of brass, wood, and
+sheepskin, makes the circuit of our startled village-streets. Then, as
+the exciting sounds draw nearer and nearer, do I desiderate those eyes
+of Aristarchus, "whose looks were as a breeching to a boy." Then do I
+perceive, with vain regret of wasted opportunities, the advantage of a
+pancratic or pantechnic education, since he is most reverenced by my
+little subjects who can throw the cleanest summerset, or walk most
+securely upon the revolving cask. The story of the Pied Piper becomes
+for the first time credible to me, (albeit confirmed by the Hameliners
+dating their legal instruments from the period of his exit,) as I behold
+how those strains, without pretence of magical potency, bewitch the
+pupillary legs, nor leave to the pedagogic an entire self-control. For
+these reasons, lest my kingly prerogative should suffer diminution, I
+prorogue my restless commons, whom I also follow into the street,
+chiefly lest some mischief may chance befall them. After the manner of
+such a band, I send forward the following notices of domestic
+manufacture, to make brazen proclamation, not unconscious of the
+advantage which will accrue, if our little craft, _cymbula sutilis_,
+shall seem to leave port with a clipping breeze, and to carry, in
+nautical phrase, a bone in her mouth. Nevertheless, I have chosen, as
+being more equitable, to prepare some also sufficiently objurgatory,
+that readers of every taste may find a dish to their palate. I have
+modelled them upon actually existing specimens, preserved in my own
+cabinet of natural curiosities. One, in particular, I had copied with
+tolerable exactness from a notice of one of my own discourses, which,
+from its superior tone and appearance of vast experience, I concluded to
+have been written by a man at least three hundred years of age, though I
+recollected no existing instance of such antediluvian longevity.
+Nevertheless, I afterwards discovered the author to be a young gentleman
+preparing for the ministry under the direction of one of my brethren in
+a neighbouring town, and whom I had once instinctively corrected in a
+Latin quantity. But this I have been forced to omit, from its too great
+length.--H. W.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Universal Littery Universe._
+
+    Full of passages which rivet the attention of the reader.... Under a
+    rustic garb, sentiments are conveyed which should be committed to
+    the memory and engraven on the heart of every moral and social
+    being.... We consider this a _unique_ performance.... We hope to see
+    it soon introduced into our common schools.... Mr. Wilbur has
+    performed his duties as editor with excellent taste and judgment....
+    This is a vein which we hope to see successfully prosecuted.... We
+    hail the appearance of this work as a long stride toward the
+    formation of a purely aboriginal, indigenous, native, and American
+    literature. We rejoice to meet with an author national enough to
+    break away from the slavish deference, too common among us, to
+    English grammar and orthography.... Where all is so good, we are at
+    a loss how to make extracts.... On the whole, we may call it a
+    volume which no library, pretending to entire completeness, should
+    fail to place upon its shelves.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Higginbottomopolis Snapping-turtle._
+
+    A collection of the merest balderdash and doggerel that it was ever
+    our bad fortune to lay eyes on. The author is a vulgar buffoon, and
+    the editor a talkative, tedious old fool. We use strong language,
+    but should any of our readers peruse the book, (from which calamity
+    Heaven preserve them,) they will find reasons for it thick as the
+    leaves of Vallumbrozer, or, to use a still more expressive
+    comparison, as the combined heads of author and editor. The work is
+    wretchedly got up.... We should like to know how much _British gold_
+    was pocketed by this libeller of our country and her purest
+    patriots.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Oldfogrumville Mentor._
+
+    We have not had time to do more than glance through this handsomely
+    printed volume, but the name of its respectable editor, the Rev. Mr.
+    Wilbur, of Jaalam, will afford a sufficient guaranty for the worth
+    of its contents.... The paper is white, the type clear, and the
+    volume of a convenient and attractive size.... In reading this
+    elegantly executed work, it has seemed to us that a passage or two
+    might have been retrenched with advantage, and that the general
+    style of diction was susceptible of a higher polish.... On the
+    whole, we may safely leave the ungrateful task of criticism to the
+    reader. We will barely suggest, that in volumes intended, as this
+    is, for the illustration of a provincial dialect and turns of
+    expression, a dash of humour or satire might be thrown in with
+    advantage.... The work is admirably got up.... This work will form
+    an appropriate ornament to the centre-table. It is beautifully
+    printed, on paper of an excellent quality.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Dekay Bulwark._
+
+    We should be wanting in our duty as the conductor of that tremendous
+    engine, a public press, as an American, and as a man, did we allow
+    such an opportunity as is presented to us by "The Biglow Papers" to
+    pass by without entering our earnest protest against such attempts
+    (now, alas! too common) at demoralizing the public sentiment. Under
+    a wretched mask of stupid drollery, slavery, war, the social glass,
+    and, in short, all the valuable and time-honoured institutions
+    justly dear to our common humanity and especially to republicans,
+    are made the butt of coarse and senseless ribaldry by this
+    low-minded scribbler. It is time that the respectable and religious
+    portion of our community should be aroused to the alarming inroads
+    of foreign Jacobinism, sansculottism, and infidelity. It is a
+    fearful proof of the wide-spread nature of this contagion, that
+    these secret stabs at religion and virtue are given from under the
+    cloak (_credite, posteri!_) of a clergyman. It is a mournful
+    spectacle indeed to the patriot and Christian to see liberality and
+    new ideas (falsely so called,--they are as old as Eden) invading
+    the sacred precincts of the pulpit.... On the whole, we consider
+    this volume as one of the first shocking results which we predicted
+    would spring out of the late French "Revolution"(!).
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Bungtown Copper and Comprehensive Tocsin (a tryweakly
+    family journal)._
+
+    Altogether an admirable work.... Full of humour, boisterous, but
+    delicate,--of wit withering and scorching, yet combined with a
+    pathos cool as morning dew,--of satire ponderous as the mace of
+    Richard, yet keen as the scymitar of Saladin.... A work full of
+    "mountain-mirth," mischievous as Puck and lightsome as Ariel.... We
+    know not whether to admire most the genial, fresh, and discursive
+    concinnity of the author, or his playful fancy, weird imagination,
+    and compass of style, at once both objective and subjective.... We
+    might indulge in some criticisms, but, were the author other than he
+    is, he would be a different being. As it is, he has a wonderful
+    _pose_, which flits from flower to flower, and bears the reader
+    irresistibly along on its eagle pinions (like Ganymede) to the
+    "highest heaven of invention." ... We love a book so purely
+    objective.... Many of his pictures of natural scenery have an
+    extraordinary subjective clearness and fidelity.... In fine, we
+    consider this as one of the most extraordinary volumes of this or
+    any age. We know of no English author who could have written it. It
+    is a work to which the proud genius of our country, standing with
+    one foot on the Aroostook and the other on the Rio Grande, and
+    holding up the star-spangled banner amid the wreck of matter and the
+    crush of worlds, may point with bewildering scorn of the punier
+    efforts of enslaved Europe.... We hope soon to encounter our author
+    among those higher walks of literature in which he is evidently
+    capable of achieving enduring fame. Already we should be inclined to
+    assign him a high position in the bright galaxy of our American
+    bards.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Saltriver Pilot and Flag of Freedom._
+
+    A volume in bad grammar and worse taste.... While the pieces here
+    collected were confined to their appropriate sphere in the corners
+    of obscure newspapers, we considered them wholly beneath contempt,
+    but, as the author has chosen to come forward in this public manner,
+    he must expect the lash he so richly merits.... Contemptible
+    slanders.... Vilest Billingsgate.... Has raked all the gutters of
+    our language.... The most pure, upright, and consistent politicians
+    not safe from his malignant venom.... General Cushing comes in for a
+    share of his vile calumnies.... The _Reverend_ Homer Wilbur is a
+    disgrace to his cloth....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the World-Harmonic-AEolian-Attachment._
+
+    Speech is silver: silence is golden. No utterance more Orphic than
+    this. While, therefore, as highest author, we reverence him whose
+    works continue heroically unwritten, we have also our hopeful word
+    for those who with pen (from wing of goose loud-cackling, or seraph
+    God-commissioned) record the thing that is revealed.... Under mask
+    of quaintest irony, we detect here the deep, storm-tost (nigh
+    shipwracked) soul, thunder-scarred, semiarticulate, but ever
+    climbing hopefully toward the peaceful summits of an Infinite
+    Sorrow.... Yes, thou poor, forlorn Hosea, with Hebrew fire-flaming
+    soul in thee, for thee also this life of ours has not been without
+    its aspect of heavenliest pity and laughingest mirth. Conceivable
+    enough! Through coarse Thersites-cloak, we have revelation of the
+    heart, wild-glowing, world-clasping, that is in him. Bravely he
+    grapples with the life-problem as it presents itself to him,
+    uncombed, shaggy, careless of the "nicer proprieties," inexpert of
+    "elegant diction," yet with voice audible enough to whoso hath ears,
+    up there on the gravelly side-hills, or down on the splashy,
+    Indiarubber-like salt-marshes of native Jaalam. To this soul also
+    the _Necessity of Creating_ somewhat has unveiled its awful front.
+    If not [OE]dipuses and Electras and Alcestises, then in God's name
+    Birdofredum Sawins! These also shall get born into the world, and
+    filch (if so need) a Zingali subsistence therein, these lank,
+    omnivorous Yankees of his. He shall paint the Seen, since the Unseen
+    will not sit to him. Yet in him also are Nibelungen-lays, and
+    Iliads, and Ulysses-wanderings, and Divine Comedies,--if only once
+    he could come at them! Therein lies much, nay all; for what truly is
+    this which we name _All_, but that which we do _not_ possess?...
+    Glimpses also are given us of an old father Ezekiel, not without
+    paternal pride, as is the wont of such. A brown, parchment-hided old
+    man of the geoponic or bucolic species, gray-eyed, we fancy,
+    _queued_ perhaps, with much weather-cunning and plentiful
+    September-gale memories, bidding fair in good time to become the
+    Oldest Inhabitant. After such hasty apparition, he vanishes and is
+    seen no more.... Of "Rev. Homer Wilbur, A. M., Pastor of the First
+    Church in Jaalam," we have small care to speak here. Spare touch in
+    him of his Melesigenes namesake, save, haply, the--blindness! A
+    tolerably caliginose, nephelegeretous elderly gentleman, with
+    infinite faculty of sermonizing, muscularized by long practice, and
+    excellent digestive apparatus, and, for the rest, well-meaning
+    enough, and with small private illuminations (somewhat tallowy, it
+    is to be feared) of his own. To him, there, "Pastor of the First
+    Church in Jaalam," our Hosea presents himself as a quiet
+    inexplicable Sphinx-riddle. A rich, poverty of Latin and Greek,--so
+    far is clear enough, even to eyes peering myopic through horn-lensed
+    editorial spectacles,--but naught farther? O purblind, well-meaning,
+    altogether fuscous Melesigenes-Wilbur, there are things in him
+    incommunicable by stroke of birch! Did it ever enter that old
+    bewildered head of thine that there was the _Possibility of the
+    Infinite_ in him? To thee, quite wingless (and even featherless)
+    biped, has not so much even as a dream of wings ever come? "Talented
+    young parishioner"? Among the Arts whereof thou art _Magister_, does
+    that of _seeing_ happen to be one? Unhappy _Artium Magister_!
+    Somehow a Nemean lion, fulvous, torrid-eyed, dry-nursed in
+    broad-howling sand-wildernesses of a sufficiently rare spirit-Libya
+    (it may be supposed) has got whelped among the sheep. Already he
+    stands wild-glaring, with feet clutching the ground as with
+    oak-roots, gathering for a Remus-spring over the walls of thy little
+    fold. In Heaven's name, go not near him with that flybite crook of
+    thine! In good time, thou painful preacher, thou wilt go to the
+    appointed place of departed Artillery-Election Sermons, Right-Hands
+    of Fellowship, and Results of Councils, gathered to thy spiritual
+    fathers with much Latin of the Epitaphial sort; thou, too, shalt
+    have thy reward; but on him the Eumenides have looked, not Xantippes
+    of the pit, snake-tressed, finger-threatening, but radiantly calm as
+    on antique gems; for him paws impatient the winged courser of the
+    gods, champing unwelcome bit: him the starry deeps, the empyrean
+    glooms, and far-flashing splendors await.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Onion Grove Ph[oe]nix._
+
+    A talented young townsman of ours, recently returned from a
+    Continental tour, and who is already favourably known to our readers
+    by his sprightly letters from abroad which have graced our columns,
+    called at our office yesterday. We learn from him, that, having
+    enjoyed the distinguished privilege, while in Germany, of an
+    introduction to the celebrated Von Humbug, he took the opportunity
+    to present that eminent man with a copy of the "Biglow Papers." The
+    next morning he received the following note, which he has kindly
+    furnished us for publication. We prefer to print _verbatim_, knowing
+    that our readers will readily forgive the few errors into which the
+    illustrious writer has fallen, through ignorance of our language.
+
+    "HIGH-WORTHY MISTER!
+
+    "I shall also now especially happy starve, because I have more or
+    less a work of one those aboriginal Red-Men seen in which have I so
+    deaf an interest ever taken fullworthy on the self shelf with our
+    Gottsched to be upset.
+
+    "Pardon my in the English-speech unpractice!
+
+                                                     "VON HUMBUG."
+
+    He also sent with the above note a copy of his famous work on
+    "Cosmetics," to be presented to Mr. Biglow; but this was taken from
+    our friend by the English custom-house officers, probably through a
+    petty national spite. No doubt, it has by this time found its way
+    into the British Museum. We trust this outrage will be exposed in
+    all our American papers. We shall do our best to bring it to the
+    notice of the State Department. Our numerous readers will share in
+    the pleasure we experience at seeing our young and vigorous national
+    literature thus encouragingly patted on the head by this venerable
+    and world-renowned German. We love to see these reciprocations of
+    good-feeling between the different branches of the great Anglo-Saxon
+    race.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    _From the Jaalam Independent Blunderbuss._
+
+    ... But, while we lament to see our young townsman thus mingling in
+    the heated contests of party politics, we think we detect in him the
+    presence of talents which, if properly directed, might give an
+    innocent pleasure to many. As a proof that he is competent to the
+    production of other kinds of poetry, we copy for our readers a short
+    fragment of a pastoral by him, the manuscript of which was loaned us
+    by a friend. The title of it is "The Courtin'."
+
+        Zekle crep' up, quite unbeknown,
+          An' peeked in thru the winder,
+        An' there sot Huldy all alone,
+          'ith no one nigh to hender.
+
+        Agin' the chimbly crooknecks hung,
+          An' in amongst 'em rusted
+        The ole queen's arm thet gran'ther Young
+          Fetched back frum Concord busted.
+
+        The wannut logs shot sparkles out
+          Towards the pootiest, bless her!
+        An' leetle fires danced all about
+          The chiny on the dresser.
+
+        The very room, coz she wuz in,
+          Looked warm frum floor to ceilin',
+        An' she looked full ez rosy agin
+          Ez th' apples she wuz peelin'.
+
+        She heerd a foot an' knowed it, tu,
+          Araspin' on the scraper,--
+        All ways to once her feelins flew
+          Like sparks in burnt-up paper.
+
+        He kin' o' l'itered on the mat,
+          Some doubtfle o' the seekle;
+        His heart kep' goin' pitypat,
+          But hern went pity Zekle.
+
+        ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Satis multis sese emptores futuros libri professis, Georgius Nichols,
+Cantabrigiensis, opus emittet de parte gravi sed adhuc neglecta historiae
+naturalis, cum titulo sequenti, videlicet:--
+
+_Conatus ad Delineationem naturalem nonnihil perfectiorem Scarabaei
+Bombilatoris, vulgo dicti_ HUMBUG, ab HOMERO WILBUR, Artium Magistro,
+Societatis historico-naturalis Jaallamensis Praeside, (Secretario,
+Socioque (eheu!) singulo,) multarumque aliarum Societatum eruditarum
+(sive ineruditarum) tam domesticarum quam transmarinarum Socio--forsitan
+futuro.
+
+
+PROEMIUM.
+
+LECTORI BENEVOLO S.
+
+Toga scholastica nondum deposita, quum systemata varia entomologica, a
+viris ejus scientiae cultoribus studiosissimis summa diligentia
+aedificata, penitus indagassem, non fuit quin luctuose omnibus in iis,
+quamvis aliter laude dignissimis, hiatum magni momenti perciperem. Tunc,
+nescio quo motu superiore impulsus, aut qua captus dulcedine operis, ad
+eum implendum (Curtius alter) me solemniter devovi. Nec ab isto labore,
+{daimonios} imposito, abstinui antequam tractatulum sufficienter
+inconcinnum lingua vernacula perfeceram. Inde, juveniliter tumefactus,
+et barathro ineptiae {ton bibliopolon} (necnon "Publici Legentis")
+nusquam explorato, me composuisse quod quasi placentas praefervidas (ut
+sic dicam) homines ingurgitarent credidi. Sed, quum huic et alii
+bibliopolae MSS. mea submisissem et nihil solidius responsione valde
+negativa in Musaeum meum retulissem, horror ingens atque misericordia, ob
+crassitudinem Lambertianam in cerebris homunculorum istius muneris
+c[oe]lesti quadam ira infixam, me invasere. Extemplo mei solius impensis
+librum edere decrevi, nihil omnino dubitans quin "Mundus Scientificus"
+(ut aiunt) crumenam meam ampliter repleret. Nullam, attamen, ex agro
+illo meo parvulo segetem demessui, praeter gaudium vacuum bene de
+Republica merendi. Iste panis meus pretiosus super aquas literarias
+faeculentas praefidenter jactus, quasi Harpyiarum quarundam (scilicet
+bibliopolarum istorum facinorosorum supradictorum) tactu rancidus, intra
+perpaucos dies mihi domum rediit. Et, quum ipse tali victu ali non
+tolerarem, primum in mentem venit pistori (typographo nempe) nihilominus
+solvendum esse. Animum non idcirco demisi, imo aeque ac pueri naviculas
+suas penes se lino retinent (eo ut e recto cursu delapsas ad ripam
+retrahant), sic ego Argo meam chartaceam fluctibus laborantem a quaesitu
+velleris aurei, ipse potius tonsus pelleque exutus, mente solida
+revocavi. Metaphoram ut mutem, _boomarangam_ meam a scopo aberrantem
+retraxi, dum majore vi, occasione ministrante, adversus Fortunam
+intorquerem. Ast mihi, talia volventi, et, sicut Saturnus ille
+{paidoboros}, liberos intellectus mei depascere fidenti, casus
+miserandus, nec antea inauditus, supervenit. Nam, ut ferunt Scythas
+pietatis causa et parsimoniae, parentes suos mortuos devorasse, sic
+filius hic meus primogenitus, Scythis ipsis minus mansuetus, patrem
+vivum totum et calcitrantem exsorbere enixus est. Nec tamen hac de causa
+sobolem meam esurientem exheredavi. Sed famem istam pro valido
+testimonio virilitatis roborisque potius habui, cibumque ad eam
+satiandam salva paterna mea carne, petii. Et quia bilem illam
+scaturientem ad aes etiam concoquendum idoneam esse estimabam, unde aes
+alienum, ut minoris pretii, haberem, circumspexi. Rebus ita se
+habentibus, ab avunculo meo Johanne Doolittle, Armigero, impetravi ut
+pecunias necessarias suppeditaret, ne opus esset mihi universitatem
+relinquendi antequam ad gradum primum in artibus pervenissem. Tunc ego,
+salvum facere patronum meum munificum maxime cupiens, omnes libros primae
+editionis operis mei non venditos una cum privilegio in omne aevum
+ejusdem imprimendi et edendi avunculo meo dicto pigneravi. Ex illo die,
+atro lapide notando, curae vociferantes familiae singulis annis crescentis
+eo usque insultabant ut nunquam tam carum pignus e vinculis istis
+aheneis solvere possem.
+
+Avunculo vero nuper mortuo, quum inter alios consanguineos testamenti
+ejus lectionem audiendi causa advenissem, erectis auribus verba talia
+sequentia accepi:--"Quoniam persuasum habeo meum dilectum nepotem
+Homerum, longa et intima rerum angustarum domi experientia, aptissimum
+esse qui divitias tueatur, beneficenterque ac prudenter iis divinis
+creditis utatur,--ergo, motus hisce cogitationibus, exque amore meo in
+illum magno, do, legoque nepoti caro meo supranominato omnes
+singularesque istas possessiones nec ponderabiles nec computabiles meas
+quae sequuntur, scilicet: quingentos libros quos mihi pigneravit dictus
+Homerus, anno lucis 1792, cum privilegio edendi et repetendi opus istud
+'scientificum' (quod dicunt) suum, si sic elegerit. Tamen D. O. M.
+precor oculos Homeri nepotis mei ita aperiat eumque moveat, ut libros
+istos in bibliotheca unius e plurimis castellis suis Hispaniensibus tuto
+abscondat."
+
+His verbis (vix credibilibus) auditis, cor meum in pectore exsultavit.
+Deinde, quoniam tractatus Anglice scriptus spem auctoris fefellerat,
+quippe quum studium Historiae Naturalis in Republica nostra inter
+factionis strepitum languescat, Latine versum edere statui, et eo potius
+quia nescio quomodo disciplina academica et duo diplomata proficiant,
+nisi quod peritos linguarum omnino mortuarum (et damnandarum, ut dicebat
+iste {panourgos} Gulielmus Cobbett) nos faciant.
+
+Et mihi adhuc superstes est tota illa editio prima, quam quasi
+crepitaculum per quod dentes caninos dentibam retineo.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    OPERIS SPECIMEN.
+
+    (_Ad exemplum Johannis Physiophili speciminis Monachologiae._)
+
+    12. S. B. _Militaris_, WILBUR. _Carnifex_, JABLONSK. _Profanus_,
+    DESFONT.
+
+    [Male hancce speciem _Cyclopem_, Fabricius vocat, ut qui singulo
+    oculo ad quod sui interest distinguitur. Melius vero Isaacus Outis
+    nullum inter S. milit. S. que Belzebul (Fabric. 152) discrimen esse
+    defendit.]
+
+    Habitat civitat. Americ. austral.
+
+    Aureis lineis splendidus; plerumque tamen sordidus, utpote lanienas
+    valde frequentans, f[oe]tore sanguinis allectus. Amat quoque insuper
+    septa apricari, neque inde, nisi maxima conatione, detruditur.
+    _Candidatus_ ergo populariter vocatus. Caput cristam quasi pennarum
+    ostendit. Pro cibo vaccam publicam callide mulget; abdomen enorme;
+    facultas suctus haud facile estimanda. Otiosus, fatuus; ferox
+    nihilominus, semperque dimicare paratus. Tortuose repit.
+
+    Capite saepe maxima cum cura dissecto, ne illud rudimentum etiam
+    cerebri commune omnibus prope insectis detegere poteram.
+
+    Unam de hoc S. milit. rem singularem notavi; nam S. Guineeus.
+    (Fabric. 143) servos facit, et idcirco a multis summa in reverentia
+    habitus, quasi scintillas rationis paene humanae demonstrans.
+
+    24. S. B. _Criticus_, WILBUR. _Zoilus_, FABRIC. _Pygmaeus_, CARLSEN.
+
+    [Stultissime Johannes Stryx cum S. punctato (Fabric. 64-109)
+    confundit. Specimina quam plurima scrutationi microscopicae subjeci,
+    nunquam tamen unum ulla indicia puncti cujusvis prorsus ostendentem
+    inveni.]
+
+    Praecipue formidolosus, insectatusque, in proxima rima anonyma sese
+    abscondit, _we, we_, creberrime stridens. Ineptus, segnipes.
+
+    Habitat ubique gentium; in sicco; nidum suum terebratione indefessa
+    aedificans. Cibus. Libros depascit; siccos praecipue seligens, et
+    forte succidum
+
+
+
+
+                        THE BIGLOW PAPERS.
+
+
+
+
+                      _MELIB[OE]US-HIPPONAX._
+
+
+                                THE
+
+                           BIGLOW PAPERS,
+
+
+                              EDITED,
+
+              WITH AN INTRODUCTION, NOTES, GLOSSARY,
+                        AND COPIOUS INDEX,
+
+
+                       BY HOMER WILBUR, A.M.
+
+ PASTOR OF THE FIRST CHURCH IN JAALAM, AND (PROSPECTIVE) MEMBER OF
+         MANY LITERARY, LEARNED, AND SCIENTIFIC SOCIETIES,
+                   (_for which see page_ xlvii.)
+
+
+     The ploughman's whistle, or the trivial flute,
+     Finds more respect than great Apollo's lute.
+                                 _Quarles's Emblems_, B. II. E. 8.
+
+
+   Margaritas, munde porcine, calcasti: en, siliquas accipe.
+                                _Jaa. Car. Fil. ad Pub. Leg._ Sec. 1.
+
+
+
+
+NOTE TO TITLE-PAGE
+
+
+It will not have escaped the attentive eye, that I have, on the
+title-page, omitted those honorary appendages to the editorial name
+which not only add greatly to the value of every book, but whet and
+exacerbate the appetite of the reader. For not only does he surmise that
+an honorary membership of literary and scientific societies implies a
+certain amount of necessary distinction on the part of the recipient of
+such decorations, but he is willing to trust himself more entirely to an
+author who writes under the fearful responsibility of involving the
+reputation of such bodies as the _S. Archaeol. Dahom._, or the _Acad.
+Lit. et Scient. Kamtschat._ I cannot but think that the early editions
+of Shakspeare and Milton would have met with more rapid and general
+acceptance, but for the barrenness of their respective title-pages; and
+I believe that, even now, a publisher of the works of either of those
+justly distinguished men would find his account in procuring their
+admission to the membership of learned bodies on the Continent,--a
+proceeding no whit more incongruous than the reversal of the judgment
+against Socrates, when he was already more than twenty centuries beyond
+the reach of antidotes, and when his memory had acquired a deserved
+respectability. I conceive that it was a feeling of the importance of
+this precaution which induced Mr. Locke to style himself "Gent." on the
+title-page of his Essay, as who should say to his readers that they
+could receive his metaphysics on the honor of a gentleman.
+
+Nevertheless, finding, that, without descending to a smaller size of
+type than would have been compatible with the dignity of the several
+societies to be named, I could not compress my intended list within the
+limits of a single page, and thinking, moreover, that the act would
+carry with it an air of decorous modesty, I have chosen to take the
+reader aside, as it were, into my private closet, and there not only
+exhibit to him the diplomas which I already possess, but also to furnish
+him with a prophetic vision of those which I may, without undue
+presumption, hope for, as not beyond the reach of human ambition and
+attainment. And I am the rather induced to this from the fact, that my
+name has been unaccountably dropped from the last triennial catalogue of
+our beloved _Alma Mater_. Whether this is to be attributed to the
+difficulty of Latinizing any of those honorary adjuncts (with a complete
+list of which I took care to furnish the proper persons nearly a year
+beforehand), or whether it had its origin in any more culpable motives,
+I forbear to consider in this place, the matter being in course of
+painful investigation. But, however this may be, I felt the omission the
+more keenly, as I had, in expectation of the new catalogue, enriched the
+library of the Jaalam Athenaeum with the old one then in my possession,
+by which means it has come about that my children will be deprived of a
+never-wearying winter-evening's amusement in looking out the name of
+their parent in that distinguished roll. Those harmless innocents had at
+least committed no----but I forbear, having intrusted my reflections and
+animadversions on this painful topic to the safe-keeping of my private
+diary, intended for posthumous publication. I state this fact here, in
+order that certain nameless individuals, who are, perhaps, overmuch
+congratulating themselves upon my silence, may know that a rod is in
+pickle which the vigorous hand of a justly incensed posterity will apply
+to their memories.
+
+The careful reader will note, that, in the list which I have prepared, I
+have included the names of several Cisatlantic societies to which a
+place is not commonly assigned in processions of this nature. I have
+ventured to do this, not only to encourage native ambition and genius,
+but also because I have never been able to perceive in what way distance
+(unless we suppose them at the end of a lever) could increase the weight
+of learned bodies. As far as I have been able to extend my researches
+among such stuffed specimens as occasionally reach America, I have
+discovered no generic difference between the antipodal _Fogrum
+Japonicum_ and the _F. Americanum_ sufficiently common in our own
+immediate neighbourhood. Yet, with a becoming deference to the popular
+belief, that distinctions of this sort are enhanced in value by every
+additional mile they travel, I have intermixed the names of some
+tolerably distant literary and other associations with the rest.
+
+I add here, also, an advertisement, which, that it may be the more
+readily understood by those persons especially interested therein, I
+have written in that curtailed and otherwise maltreated canine Latin, to
+the writing and reading of which they are accustomed.
+
+
+OMNIB. PER TOT. ORB. TERRAR. CATALOG. ACADEM. EDD.
+
+Minim. gent. diplom. ab inclytiss. acad. vest. orans, vir. honorand.
+operosiss., at sol. ut sciat. quant. glor. nom. meum (dipl. fort.
+concess.) catal. vest. temp. futur. affer., ill. subjec., addit. omnib.
+titul. honorar. qu. adh. non tant. opt. quam probab. put.
+
+*** _Litt. Uncial. distinx. ut Praes. S. Hist. Nat. Jaal._
+
+_HOMERUS WILBUR_, Mr., Episc. Jaalam. S. T. D. 1850, et Yal. 1849, et
+Neo-Caes. et Brun. et Gulielm. 1852, et Gul. et Mar. et Bowd. et
+Georgiop. et Viridimont. et Columb. Nov. Ebor. 1853, et Amherst. et
+Watervill. et S. Jarlath. Hib. et S. Mar. et S. Joseph. et S. And. Scot.
+1854, et Nashvill et Dart. et Dickins. et Concord. et Wash. et
+Columbian. et Charlest. et Jeff. et Dubl. et Oxon. et Cantab. et caet.
+1855, P. U. N. C. H. et J. U. D. Gott. et Osnab. et Heidelb. 1860, et
+Acad. BORE US. Berolin. Soc. et SS. RR. Lugd. Bat. et Patav. et Lond. et
+Edinb. et Ins. Feejee. et Null. Terr. et Pekin. Soc. Hon. et S. H. S. et
+S. P. A. et A. A. S. et S. Humb. Univ. et S. Omn. Rer. Quarund. q.
+Aliar. Promov. Passamaquod. et H. P. C. et I. O. H. et {A. D. Ph.} et
+{P. K. R.} et {Ph. B. K.} et Peucin. et Erosoph. et Philadelph. et Frat.
+in Unit. et {S. T.} et S. Archaeolog. Athen. et Acad. Scient. et Lit.
+Panorm. et SS. R. H. Matrit. et Beeloochist. et Caffrar. et Caribb. et
+M. S. Reg. Paris. et S. Am. Antiserv. Soc. Hon. et P. D. Gott. et LL.D.
+1852, et D.C.L. et Mus. Doc. Oxon. 1860, et M. M. S. S. et M.D. 1854, et
+Med. Fac. Univ. Harv. Soc. et S. pro Convers. Pollywog. Soc. Hon. et
+Higgl. Piggl. et LL.B. 1853, et S. pro Christianiz. Moschet. Soc., et
+SS. Ante-Diluv. ubiq. Gent. Soc. Hon. et Civit. Cleric. Jaalam. et S.
+pro Diffus. General. Tenebr. Secret. Corr.
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+When, more than three years ago, my talented young parishioner, Mr.
+Biglow, came to me and submitted to my animadversions the first of his
+poems which he intended to commit to the more hazardous trial of a city
+newspaper, it never so much as entered my imagination to conceive that
+his productions would ever be gathered into a fair volume, and ushered
+into the august presence of the reading public by myself. So little are
+we short-sighted mortals able to predict the event! I confess that there
+is to me a quite new satisfaction in being associated (though only as
+sleeping partner) in a book which can stand by itself in an independent
+unity on the shelves of libraries. For there is always this drawback
+from the pleasure of printing a sermon, that, whereas the queasy stomach
+of this generation will not bear a discourse long enough to make a
+separate volume, those religious and godly-minded children (those
+Samuels, if I may call them so) of the brain must at first lie buried in
+an undistinguished heap, and then get such resurrection as is
+vouchsafed to them, mummy-wrapt with a score of others in a cheap
+binding, with no other mark of distinction than the word
+"_Miscellaneous_" printed upon the back. Far be it from me to claim any
+credit for the quite unexpected popularity which I am pleased to find
+these bucolic strains have attained unto. If I know myself, I am
+measurably free from the itch of vanity; yet I may be allowed to say
+that I was not backward to recognize in them a certain wild, puckery,
+acidulous (sometimes even verging toward that point which, in our rustic
+phrase, is termed _shut-eye_) flavour, not wholly unpleasing, nor
+unwholesome, to palates cloyed with the sugariness of tamed and
+cultivated fruit. It may be, also, that some touches of my own, here and
+there, may have led to their wider acceptance, albeit solely from my
+larger experience of literature and authorship.[3]
+
+I was, at first, inclined to discourage Mr. Biglow's attempts, as
+knowing that the desire to poetize is one of the diseases naturally
+incident to adolescence, which, if the fitting remedies be not at once
+and with a bold hand applied, may become chronic, and render one, who
+might else have become in due time an ornament of the social circle, a
+painful object even to nearest friends and relatives. But thinking, on a
+further experience, that there was a germ of promise in him which
+required only culture and the pulling up of weeds from around it, I
+thought it best to set before him the acknowledged examples of English
+compositions in verse, and leave the rest to natural emulation. With
+this view, I accordingly lent him some volumes of Pope and Goldsmith, to
+the assiduous study of which he promised to devote his evenings. Not
+long afterwards he brought me some verses written upon that model, a
+specimen of which I subjoin, having changed some phrases of less
+elegancy, and a few rhymes objectionable to the cultivated ear. The poem
+consisted of childish reminiscences, and the sketches which follow will
+not seem destitute of truth to those whose fortunate education began in
+a country village. And, first, let us hang up his charcoal portrait of
+the school-dame.
+
+    "Propt on the marsh, a dwelling now, I see
+    The humble school-house of my A, B, C,
+    Where well-drilled urchins, each behind his tire,
+    Waited in ranks the wished command to fire;
+    Then all together, when the signal came,
+    Discharged their _a-b abs_ against the dame,
+    Who, 'mid the volleyed learning, firm and calm,
+    Patted the furloughed ferule on her palm,
+    And, to our wonder, could detect at once,
+    Who flashed the pan, and who was downright dunce.
+
+    There young Devotion learned to climb with ease
+    The gnarly limbs of Scripture family-trees,
+    And he was most commended and admired
+    Who soonest to the topmost twig perspired;
+    Each name was called as many various ways
+    As pleased the reader's ear on different days,
+    So that the weather, or the ferule's stings,
+    Colds in the head, or fifty other things,
+    Transformed the helpless Hebrew thrice a week
+    To guttural Pequot or resounding Greek,
+    The vibrant accent skipping here and there,
+    Just as it pleased invention or despair;
+    No controversial Hebraist was the Dame;
+    With or without the points pleased her the same;
+    If any tyro found a name too tough,
+    And looked at her, pride furnished skill enough;
+    She nerved her larynx for the desperate thing,
+    And cleared the five-barred syllables at a spring.
+
+    Ah, dear old times! there once it was my hap,
+    Perched on a stool, to wear the long-eared cap;
+    From books degraded, there I sat at ease,
+    A drone, the envy of compulsory bees."
+
+I add only one further extract, which will possess a melancholy interest
+to all such as have endeavoured to glean the materials of Revolutionary
+history from the lips of aged persons, who took a part in the actual
+making of it, and, finding the manufacture profitable, continued the
+supply in an adequate proportion to the demand.
+
+    "Old Joe is gone, who saw hot Percy goad
+    His slow artillery up the Concord road,
+    A tale which grew in wonder, year by year,
+    As, every time he told it, Joe drew near
+    To the main fight, till, faded and grown gray,
+    The original scene to bolder tints gave way;
+    Then Joe had heard the foe's scared double-quick
+    Beat on stove drum with one uncaptured stick,
+    And, ere death came the lengthening tale to lop,
+    Himself had fired, and seen a red-coat drop;
+    Had Joe lived long enough, that scrambling fight
+    Had squared more nearly to his sense of right,
+    And vanquished Percy, to complete the tale,
+    Had hammered stone for life in Concord jail."
+
+I do not know that the foregoing extracts ought not to be called my own
+rather than Mr. Biglow's, as, indeed, he maintained stoutly that my file
+had left nothing of his in them. I should not, perhaps, have felt
+entitled to take so great liberties with them, had I not more than
+suspected an hereditary vein of poetry in myself, a very near ancestor
+having written a Latin poem in the Harvard _Gratulatio_ on the accession
+of George the Third. Suffice it to say, that, whether not satisfied with
+such limited approbation as I could conscientiously bestow, or from a
+sense of natural inaptitude, I know not, certain it is that my young
+friend could never be induced to any further essays in this kind. He
+affirmed that it was to him like writing in a foreign tongue,--that Mr.
+Pope's versification was like the regular ticking of one of Willard's
+clocks, in which one could fancy, after long listening, a certain kind
+of rhythm or tune, but which yet was only a poverty-stricken _tick,
+tick_ after all,--and that he had never seen a sweet-water on a trellis
+growing so fairly, or in forms so pleasing to his eye, as a fox-grape
+over a scrub-oak in a swamp. He added I know not what, to the effect
+that the sweet-water would only be the more disfigured by having its
+leaves starched and ironed out, and that Peg[=a]sus (so he called him)
+hardly looked right with his mane and tail in curl-papers. These and
+other such opinions I did not long strive to eradicate, attributing them
+rather to a defective education and senses untuned by too long
+familiarity with purely natural objects, than to a perverted moral
+sense. I was the more inclined to this leniency since sufficient
+evidence was not to seek, that his verses, as wanting as they certainly
+were in classic polish and point, had somehow taken hold of the public
+ear in a surprising manner. So, only setting him right as to the
+quantity of the proper name Pegasus, I left him to follow the bent of
+his natural genius.
+
+There are two things upon which it would seem fitting to dilate somewhat
+more largely in this place,--the Yankee character and the Yankee
+dialect. And, first, of the Yankee character, which has wanted neither
+open maligners, nor even more dangerous enemies in the persons of those
+unskilful painters who have given to it that hardness, angularity, and
+want of proper perspective, which, in truth, belonged, not to their
+subject, but to their own niggard and unskilful pencil.
+
+New England was not so much the colony of a mother country, as a Hagar
+driven forth into the wilderness. The little self-exiled band which came
+hither in 1620 came, not to seek gold, but to found a democracy. They
+came that they might have the privilege to work and pray, to sit upon
+hard benches and listen to painful preachers as long as they would, yea,
+even unto thirty-seventhly, if the spirit so willed it. And surely, if
+the Greek might boast his Thermopylae, where three hundred men fell in
+resisting the Persian, we may well be proud of our Plymouth Rock, where
+a handful of men, women, and children not merely faced, but vanquished,
+winter, famine, the wilderness, and the yet more invincible _storge_
+that drew them back to the green island far away. These found no lotus
+growing upon the surly shore, the taste of which could make them forget
+their little native Ithaca; nor were they so wanting to themselves in
+faith as to burn their ship, but could see the fair west wind belly the
+homeward sail, and then turn unrepining to grapple with the terrible
+Unknown.
+
+As Want was the prime foe these hardy exodists had to fortress themselves
+against, so it is little wonder if that traditional feud is long in wearing
+out of the stock. The wounds of the old warfare were long ahealing, and an
+east wind of hard times puts a new ache in every one of them. Thrift was
+the first lesson in their horn-book, pointed out, letter after letter, by
+the lean finger of the hard schoolmaster, Necessity. Neither were those
+plump, rosy-gilled Englishmen that came hither, but a hard-faced,
+atrabilious, earnest-eyed race, stiff from long wrestling with the Lord in
+prayer, and who had taught Satan to dread the new Puritan hug. Add two
+hundred years' influence of soil, climate, and exposure, with its necessary
+result of idiosyncrasies, and we have the present Yankee, full of
+expedients, half-master of all trades, inventive in all but the beautiful,
+full of shifts, not yet capable of comfort, armed at all points against the
+old enemy Hunger, longanimous, good at patching, not so careful for what is
+best as for what will _do_, with a clasp to his purse and a button to his
+pocket, not skilled to build against Time, as in old countries, but against
+sore-pressing Need, accustomed to move the world with no {pou sto} but his
+own two feet, and no lever but his own long forecast. A strange hybrid,
+indeed, did circumstance beget, here in the New World, upon the old Puritan
+stock, and the earth never before saw such mystic-practicalism, such
+niggard-geniality, such calculating-fanaticism, such cast-iron-enthusiasm,
+such unwilling humour, such close-fisted-generosity. This new _Graeculus
+esuriens_ will make a living out of any thing. He will invent new trades
+as well as tools. His brain is his capital, and he will get education at
+all risks. Put him on Juan Fernandez, and he would make a spelling-book
+first, and a salt-pan afterwards. _In c[oe]lum, jusseris, ibit_,--or the
+other way either,--it is all one, so any thing is to be got by it. Yet,
+after all, thin, speculative Jonathan is more like the Englishman of two
+centuries ago than John Bull himself is. He has lost somewhat in
+solidity, has become fluent and adaptable, but more of the original
+groundwork of character remains. He feels more at home with Fulke
+Greville, Herbert of Cherbury, Quarles, George Herbert, and Browne, than
+with his modern English cousins. He is nearer than John, by at least a
+hundred years, to Naseby, Marston Moor, Worcester, and the time when, if
+ever, there were true Englishmen. John Bull has suffered the idea of the
+Invisible to be very much flattened out of him. Jonathan is conscious
+still that he lives in the world of the Unseen as well as of the Seen.
+To move John, you must make your fulcrum of solid beef and pudding; an
+abstract idea will do for Jonathan.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+*** TO THE INDULGENT READER.
+
+My friend, the Rev. Mr. Wilbur, having been seized with a dangerous fit
+of illness, before this Introduction had passed through the press, and
+being incapacitated for all literary exertion, sent to me his notes,
+memoranda, &c., and requested me to fashion them into some shape more
+fitting for the general eye. This, owing to the fragmentary and
+disjointed state of his manuscripts, I have felt wholly unable to do;
+yet, being unwilling that the reader should be deprived of such parts of
+his lucubrations as seemed more finished, and not well discerning how to
+segregate these from the rest, I have concluded to send them all to the
+press precisely as they are.
+
+COLUMBUS NYE, _Pastor of a Church in Bungtown Corner_.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It remains to speak of the Yankee dialect. And, first, it may be
+premised, in a general way, that any one much read in the writings of
+the early colonists need not be told that the far greater share of the
+words and phrases now esteemed peculiar to New England, and local there,
+were brought from the mother-country. A person familiar with the dialect
+of certain portions of Massachusetts will not fail to recognize, in
+ordinary discourse, many words now noted in English vocabularies as
+archaic, the greater part of which were in common use about the time of
+the King James translation of the Bible. Shakspeare stands less in need
+of a glossary to most New Englanders than to many a native of the Old
+Country. The peculiarities of our speech, however, are rapidly wearing
+out. As there is no country where reading is so universal and newspapers
+are so multitudinous, so no phrase remains long local, but is
+transplanted in the mail-bags to every remotest corner of the land.
+Consequently our dialect approaches nearer to uniformity than that of
+any other nation.
+
+The English have complained of us for coining new words. Many of those
+so stigmatized were old ones by them forgotten, and all make now an
+unquestioned part of the currency, wherever English is spoken.
+Undoubtedly, we have a right to make new words, as they are needed by
+the fresh aspects under which life presents itself here in the New
+World; and, indeed, wherever a language is alive, it grows. It might be
+questioned whether we could not establish a stronger title to the
+ownership of the English tongue than the mother-islanders themselves.
+Here, past all question, is to be its great home and centre. And not
+only is it already spoken here by greater numbers, but with a far higher
+popular average of correctness, than in Britain. The great writers of
+it, too, we might claim as ours, were ownership to be settled by the
+number of readers and lovers.
+
+As regards the provincialisms to be met with in this volume, I may say
+that the reader will not find one which is not (as I believe) either
+native or imported with the early settlers, nor one which I have not,
+with my own ears, heard in familiar use. In the metrical portion of the
+book, I have endeavoured to adapt the spelling as nearly as possible to
+the ordinary mode of pronunciation. Let the reader who deems me
+overparticular remember this caution of Martial:--
+
+    "_Quem recitas, meus est, O Fidentine, libellus;
+    Sed male cum recitas, incipit esse tuus._"
+
+A few further explanatory remarks will not be impertinent.
+
+I shall barely lay down a few general rules for the reader's guidance.
+
+1. The genuine Yankee never gives the rough sound to the _r_ when he can
+help it, and often displays considerable ingenuity in avoiding it even
+before a vowel.
+
+2. He seldom sounds the final _g_, a piece of self-denial, if we
+consider his partiality for nasals. The same of the final _d_, as _han'_
+and _stan'_ for _hand_ and _stand_.
+
+3. The _h_ in such words as _while_, _when_, _where_, he omits
+altogether.
+
+4. In regard to _a_, he shows some inconsistency, sometimes giving a
+close and obscure sound, as _hev_ for _have_, _hendy_ for _handy_, _ez_
+for _as_, _thet_ for _that_, and again giving it the broad sound it has
+in _father_, as _hansome_ for _handsome_.
+
+5. To the sound _ou_ he prefixes an _e_ (hard to exemplify otherwise
+than orally).
+
+The following passage in Shakspeare he would recite thus:--
+
+    "Neow is the winta uv eour discontent
+    Med glorious summa by this sun o' Yock,
+    An' all the cleouds thet leowered upun eour heouse
+    In the deep buzzum o' the oshin buried;
+    Neow air eour breows beound 'ith victorious wreaths;
+    Eour breused arms hung up fer monimunce;
+    Eour starn alarums ch[)a]nged to merry meetins,
+    Eour dreffle marches to delightful measures.
+    Grim-visaged war heth smeuthed his wrinkled front,
+    An' neow, instid o' mountin' barebid steeds
+    To fright the souls o' ferfle edverseries,
+    He capers nimly in a lady's ch[)a]mber,
+    To the lascivious pleasin' uv a loot."
+
+6. _Au_, in such words as _daughter_ and _slaughter_, he pronounces
+_ah_.
+
+7. To the dish thus seasoned add a drawl _ad libitum_.
+
+
+[Mr. Wilbur's notes here become entirely fragmentary.--C. N.]
+
+
+{a}. Unable to procure a likeness of Mr. Biglow, I thought the curious
+reader might be gratified with a sight of the editorial effigies. And
+here a choice between two was offered,--the one a profile (entirely
+black) cut by Doyle, the other a portrait painted by a native artist of
+much promise. The first of these seemed wanting in expression, and in
+the second a slight obliquity of the visual organs has been heightened
+(perhaps from an over-desire of force on the part of the artist) into
+too close an approach to actual _strabismus_. This slight divergence in
+my optical apparatus from the ordinary model--however I may have been
+taught to regard it in the light of a mercy rather than a cross, since
+it enabled me to give as much of directness and personal application to
+my discourses as met the wants of my congregation, without risk of
+offending any by being supposed to have him or her in my eye (as the
+saying is)--seemed yet to Mrs. Wilbur a sufficient objection to the
+engraving of the aforesaid painting. We read of many who either
+absolutely refused to allow the copying of their features, as especially
+did Plotinus and Agesilaus among the ancients, not to mention the more
+modern instances of Scioppius Palaeottus, Pinellus, Velserus, Gataker,
+and others, or were indifferent thereto, as Cromwell.
+
+{b}. Yet was Caesar desirous of concealing his baldness. _Per contra_, my
+Lord Protector's carefulness in the matter of his wart might be cited.
+Men generally more desirous of being _improved_ in their portraits than
+characters. Shall probably find very unflattered likenesses of ourselves
+in Recording Angel's gallery.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+{g}. Whether any of our national peculiarities may be traced to our use
+of stoves, as a certain closeness of the lips in pronunciation, and a
+smothered smoulderingness of disposition, seldom roused to open flame?
+An unrestrained intercourse with fire probably conducive to generosity
+and hospitality of soul. Ancient Mexicans used stoves, as the friar
+Augustin Ruiz reports, Hakluyt, III., 468,--but Popish priests not
+always reliable authority.
+
+To-day picked my Isabella grapes. Crop injured by attacks of rose-bug in
+the spring. Whether Noah was justifiable in preserving this class of
+insects?
+
+{d}. Concerning Mr. Biglow's pedigree. Tolerably certain that there was
+never a poet among his ancestors. An ordination hymn attributed to a
+maternal uncle, but perhaps a sort of production not demanding the
+creative faculty.
+
+His grandfather a painter of the grandiose or Michael Angelo school.
+Seldom painted objects smaller than houses or barns, and these with
+uncommon expression.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+{e}. Of the Wilburs no complete pedigree. The crest said to be a _wild
+boar_, whence, perhaps, the name. (?) A connection with the Earls of
+Wilbraham (_quasi_ wild boar ham) might be made out. This suggestion
+worth following up. In 1677, John W. m. Expect ----, had issue, 1. John,
+2. Haggai, 3. Expect, 4. Ruhamah, 5. Desire.
+
+    "Hear lyes y^e bodye of Mrs Expect Wilber,
+    Y^e crewell salvages they kil'd her
+    Together w^th other Christian soles eleaven,
+    October y^e ix daye, 1707.
+    Y^e stream of Jordan sh' as crost ore
+    And now expeacts me on y^e other shore:
+    I live in hope her soon to join;
+    Her earthlye yeeres were forty and nine."
+          _From Gravestone in Pekussett, North Parish._
+
+This is unquestionably the same John who afterward (1711) married
+Tabitha Hagg or Rag.
+
+But if this were the case, she seems to have died early; for only three
+years after, namely, 1714, we have evidence that he married Winifred,
+daughter of Lieutenant Tipping.
+
+He seems to have been a man of substance, for we find him in 1696
+conveying "one undivided eightieth part of a salt-meadow" in Yabbok, and
+he commanded a sloop in 1702.
+
+Those who doubt the importance of genealogical studies _fuste potius
+quam argumento erudiendi_.
+
+I trace him as far as 1723, and there lose him. In that year he was
+chosen selectman.
+
+No gravestone. Perhaps overthrown when new hearse-house was built, 1802.
+
+He was probably the son of John, who came from Bilham Comit. Salop.
+circa 1642.
+
+This first John was a man of considerable importance, being twice
+mentioned with the honourable prefix of _Mr._ in the town records. Name
+spelt with two _l_-s.
+
+    "Hear lyeth y^e bod [_stone unhappily broken_.]
+    Mr. Ihon Willber [Esq.] [_I inclose this in brackets as doubtful. To
+              me it seems clear._]
+    Ob't die [_illegible; looks like xviii._] ... iii [_prob. 1693._]
+    ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... paynt
+    ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... deseased seinte:
+    A friend and [fath]er untoe all y^e opreast,
+    Hee gave y^e wicked familists noe reast,
+    When Sat[an bl]ewe his Antinomian blaste,
+    Wee clong to [Willber as a steadf]ast maste.
+    [A]gaynst y^e horrid Qua[kers]...."
+
+It is greatly to be lamented that this curious epitaph is mutilated. It
+is said that the sacrilegious British soldiers made a target of this
+stone during the war of Independence. How odious an animosity which
+pauses not at the grave! How brutal that which spares not the monuments
+of authentic history! This is not improbably from the pen of Rev. Moddy
+Pyram, who is mentioned by Hubbard as having been noted for a silver
+vein of poetry. If his papers be still extant, a copy might possibly be
+recovered.
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[3] The reader curious in such matters may refer (if he can find them)
+to "A Sermon preached on the Anniversary of the Dark Day," "An Artillery
+Election Sermon," "A Discourse on the Late Eclipse," "Dorcas, a Funeral
+Sermon on the Death of Madam Submit Tidd, Relict of the late Experience
+Tidd, Esq." &c. &c.
+
+
+
+
+THE BIGLOW PAPERS.
+
+
+
+
+No. I.
+
+A LETTER
+
+ FROM MR. EZEKIEL BIGLOW OF JAALAM TO THE HON. JOSEPH
+   T. BUCKINGHAM, EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, INCLOSING
+   A POEM OF HIS SON, MR. HOSEA BIGLOW.
+
+
+                                                JAYLEM, june 1846.
+
+MISTER EDDYTER:--Our Hosea wuz down to Boston last week, and he see a
+cruetin Sarjunt a struttin round as popler as a hen with 1 chicking,
+with 2 fellers a drummin and fifin arter him like all nater. the sarjunt
+he thout Hosea hedn't gut his i teeth cut cos he looked a kindo's though
+he'd jest com down, so he cal'lated to hook him in, but Hosy woodn't
+take none o' his sarse for all he hed much as 20 Rooster's tales stuck
+onto his hat and eenamost enuf brass a bobbin up and down on his
+shoulders and figureed onto his coat and trousis, let alone wut nater
+hed sot in his featers, to make a 6 pounder out on.
+
+wal, Hosea he com home considerabal riled, and arter I d gone to bed I
+heern Him a thrashin round like a short-tailed Bull in fli-time. The old
+Woman ses she to me ses she, Zekle, ses she, our Hosee's gut the
+chollery or suthin anuther ses she, don't you Bee skeered, ses I, he's
+oney amakin pottery[4] ses i, he's ollers on hand at that ere busynes
+like Da & martin, and shure enuf, cum mornin, Hosy he cum down stares
+full chizzle, hare on eend and cote tales flyin, and sot rite of to go
+reed his varses to Parson Wilbur bein he haint aney grate shows o' book
+larnin himself, bimeby he cum back and sed the parson wuz dreffle
+tickled with 'em as i hoop you will Be, and said they wuz True grit.
+
+Hosea ses taint hardly fair to call 'em hisn now, cos the parson kind o'
+slicked off sum o' the last varses, but he told Hosee he didn't want to
+put his ore in to tetch to the Rest on 'em, bein they wuz verry well As
+thay wuz, and then Hosy ses he sed suthin a nuther about Simplex
+Mundishes or sum sech feller, but I guess Hosea kind o' didn't hear him,
+for I never hearn o' nobody o' that name in this villadge, and I've
+lived here man and boy 76 year cum next tater diggin, and thair aint no
+wheres a kitting spryer 'n I be.
+
+If you print 'em I wish you'd jest let folks know who hosy's father is,
+cos my ant Keziah used to say it's nater to be curus ses she, she aint
+livin though and he's a likely kind o' lad.
+
+                                                   EZEKIEL BIGLOW.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    Thrash away, you 'll _hev_ to rattle
+      On them kittle drums o' yourn,--
+    'Taint a knowin' kind o' cattle
+      Thet is ketched with mouldy corn;
+    Put in stiff, you fifer feller,
+      Let folks see how spry you be,--
+    Guess you 'll toot till you are yeller
+      'Fore you git ahold o' me!
+
+    Thet air flag 's a leetle rotten,
+      Hope it aint your Sunday's best;--
+    Fact! it takes a sight o' cotton
+      To stuff out a soger's chest:
+    Sence we farmers hev to pay fer 't,
+      Ef you must wear humps like these,
+    Sposin' you should try salt hay fer 't,
+      It would du ez slick ez grease.
+
+    'T would n't suit them Southern fellers,
+      They 're a dreffle graspin' set,
+    We must ollers blow the bellers
+      Wen they want their irons het;
+    May be it 's all right ez preachin',
+      But _my_ narves it kind o' grates,
+    Wen I see the overreachin'
+      O' them nigger-drivin' States.
+
+    Them thet rule us, them slave-traders,
+      Haint they cut a thunderin' swarth
+    (Helped by Yankee renegaders),
+      Thru the vartu o' the North!
+    We begin to think it 's nater
+      To take sarse an' not be riled;--
+    Who 'd expect to see a tater
+      All on eend at bein' biled?
+
+    Ez fer war, I call it murder,--
+      There you hev it plain an' flat;
+    I don't want to go no furder
+      Than my Testyment fer that;
+    God hez sed so plump an' fairly,
+      It 's ez long ez it is broad,
+    An' you 've gut to git up airly
+      Ef you want to take in God.
+
+    'Taint your eppyletts an' feathers
+      Make the thing a grain more right;
+    Taint afollerin' your bell-wethers
+      Will excuse ye in His sight;
+    Ef you take a sword an' dror it,
+      An' go stick a feller thru,
+    Guv'ment aint to answer for it,
+      God 'll send the bill to you.
+
+    Wut 's the use o' meetin-goin'
+      Every Sabbath, wet or dry,
+    Ef it 's right to go amowin'
+      Feller-men like oats an' rye?
+    I dunno but wut it's pooty
+      Trainin' round in bobtail coats,--
+    But it 's curus Christian dooty
+      This ere cuttin' folks's throats.
+
+    They may talk o' Freedom's airy
+      Tell they 're pupple in the face,--
+    It 's a grand gret cemetary
+      Fer the barthrights of our race;
+    They jest want this Californy
+      So 's to lug new slave-states in
+    To abuse ye, an' to scorn ye,
+      An' to plunder ye like sin.
+
+    Aint it cute to see a Yankee
+      Take sech everlastin' pains
+    All to git the Devil's thankee,
+      Helpin' on 'em weld their chains?
+    Wy, it 's jest ez clear ez figgers,
+      Clear ez one an' one make two,
+    Chaps thet make black slaves o' niggers
+      Want to make wite slaves o' you.
+
+    Tell ye jest the eend I've come to
+      Arter cipherin' plaguy smart,
+    An' it makes a handy sum, tu,
+      Any gump could larn by heart;
+    Laborin' man an' laborin' woman
+      Hev one glory an' one shame,
+    Ev'y thin' thet 's done inhuman
+      Injers all on 'em the same.
+
+    'Taint by turnin' out to hack folks
+      You 're agoin' to git your right,
+    Nor by lookin' down on black folks
+      Coz you 're put upon by wite;
+    Slavery aint o' nary colour,
+      'Taint the hide thet makes it wus,
+    All it keers fer in a feller
+      'S jest to make him fill its pus.
+
+    Want to tackle _me_ in, du ye?
+      I expect you 'll hev to wait;
+    Wen cold lead puts daylight thru ye
+      You 'll begin to kal'late;
+    'Spose the crows wun't fall to pickin'
+      All the carkiss from your bones,
+    Coz you helped to give a lickin'
+      To them poor half-Spanish drones?
+
+    Jest go home an' ask our Nancy
+      Wether I'd be sech a goose
+    Ez to jine ye,--guess you'd fancy
+      The etarnal bung wuz loose!
+    She wants me fer home consumption,
+      Let alone the hay 's to mow,--
+    Ef you 're arter folks o' gumption,
+      You've a darned long row to hoe.
+
+    Take them editors thet 's crowin'
+      Like a cockerel three months old,--
+    Don't ketch any on 'em goin',
+      Though they _be_ so blasted bold;
+    _Aint_ they a prime set o' fellers?
+      'Fore they think on 't they will sprout
+    (Like a peach thet's got the yellers),
+      With the meanness bustin' out.
+
+    Wal, go 'long to help 'em stealin'
+      Bigger pens to cram with slaves,
+    Help the men thet 's ollers dealin'
+      Insults on your fathers' graves;
+    Help the strong to grind the feeble,
+      Help the many agin the few,
+    Help the men thet call your people
+      Witewashed slaves an' peddlin' crew!
+
+    Massachusetts, God forgive her,
+      She's akneelin' with the rest,
+    She, thet ough' to ha' clung fer ever
+      In her grand old eagle-nest;
+    She thet ough' to stand so fearless
+      Wile the wracks are round her hurled,
+    Holdin' up a beacon peerless
+      To the oppressed of all the world!
+
+    Haint they sold your coloured seamen?
+      Haint they made your env'ys wiz?
+    _Wut_ 'll make ye act like freemen?
+      _Wut_ 'll git your dander riz?
+    Come, I'll tell ye wut I 'm thinkin'
+      Is our dooty in this fix,
+    They 'd ha' done 't ez quick ez winkin'
+      In the days o' seventy-six.
+
+    Clang the bells in every steeple,
+      Call all true men to disown
+    The tradoocers of our people,
+      The enslavers o' their own;
+    Let our dear old Bay State proudly
+      Put the trumpet to her mouth,
+    Let her ring this messidge loudly
+      In the ears of all the South:--
+
+    "I 'll return ye good fer evil
+      Much ez we frail mortils can,
+    But I wun't go help the Devil
+      Makin' man the cus o' man;
+    Call me coward, call me traiter,
+      Jest ez suits your mean idees,--
+    Here I stand a tyrant-hater,
+      An' the friend o' God an Peace!"
+
+    Ef I'd _my_ way I hed ruther
+      We should go to work an' part,--
+    They take one way, we take t'other,--
+      Guess it would n't break my heart;
+    Men hed ough' to put asunder
+      Them thet God has noways jined;
+    An' I should n't gretly wonder
+      Ef there 's thousands o' my mind.
+
+
+[The first recruiting sergeant on record I conceive to have been that
+individual who is mentioned in the Book of Job as _going to and fro in
+the earth, and walking up and down in it_. Bishop Latimer will have him
+to have been a bishop, but to me that other calling would appear more
+congenial. The sect of Cainites is not yet extinct, who esteemed the
+first-born of Adam to be the most worthy, not only because of that
+privilege of primogeniture, but inasmuch as he was able to overcome and
+slay his younger brother. That was a wise saying of the famous Marquis
+Pescara to the Papal Legate, that _it was impossible for men to serve
+Mars and Christ at the same time_. Yet in time past the profession of
+arms was judged to be {kat' exochen} that of a gentleman, nor does this
+opinion want for strenuous upholders even in our day. Must we suppose,
+then, that the profession of Christianity was only intended for losels,
+or, at best, to afford an opening for plebeian ambition? Or shall we
+hold with that nicely metaphysical Pomeranian, Captain Vratz, who was
+Count Koenigsmark's chief instrument in the murder of Mr. Thynne, that
+the scheme of salvation has been arranged with an especial eye to the
+necessities of the upper classes, and that "God would consider _a
+gentleman_, and deal with him suitably to the condition and profession
+he had placed him in"? It may be said of us all, _Exemplo plus quam
+ratione vivimus_.--H. W.]
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[4] _Aut insanit, aut versus facit._--H. W.
+
+
+
+
+No. II.
+
+A LETTER
+
+ FROM MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE HON. J. T. BUCKINGHAM,
+   EDITOR OF THE BOSTON COURIER, COVERING A LETTER FROM
+   MR. B. SAWIN, PRIVATE IN THE MASSACHUSETTS REGIMENT.
+
+
+[This letter of Mr. Sawin's was not originally written in verse. Mr.
+Biglow, thinking it peculiarly susceptible of metrical adornment,
+translated it, so to speak, into his own vernacular tongue. This is not
+the time to consider the question, whether rhyme be a mode of expression
+natural to the human race. If leisure from other and more important
+avocations be granted, I will handle the matter more at large in an
+appendix to the present volume. In this place I will barely remark, that
+I have sometimes noticed in the unlanguaged prattlings of infants a
+fondness for alliteration, assonance, and even rhyme, in which natural
+predisposition we may trace the three degrees through which our
+Anglo-Saxon verse rose to its culmination in the poetry of Pope. I would
+not be understood as questioning in these remarks that pious theory
+which supposes that children, if left entirely to themselves, would
+naturally discourse in Hebrew. For this the authority of one experiment
+is claimed, and I could, with Sir Thomas Browne, desire its
+establishment, inasmuch as the acquirement of that sacred tongue would
+thereby be facilitated. I am aware that Herodotus states the conclusion
+of Psammiticus to have been in favour of a dialect of the Phrygian.
+But, beside the chance that a trial of this importance would hardly be
+blessed to a Pagan monarch whose only motive was curiosity, we have on
+the Hebrew side the comparatively recent investigation of James the
+Fourth of Scotland. I will add to this prefatory remark, that Mr. Sawin,
+though a native of Jaalam, has never been a stated attendant on the
+religious exercises of my congregation. I consider my humble efforts
+prospered in that not one of my sheep hath ever indued the wolf's
+clothing of war, save for the comparatively innocent diversion of a
+militia training. Not that my flock are backward to undergo the
+hardships of _defensive_ warfare. They serve cheerfully in the great
+army which fights even unto death _pro aris et focis_, accoutred with
+the spade, the axe, the plane, the sledge, the spelling-book, and other
+such effectual weapons against want and ignorance and unthrift. I have
+taught them (under God) to esteem our human institutions as but tents of
+a night, to be stricken whenever Truth puts the bugle to her lips, and
+sounds a march to the heights of wider-viewed intelligence and more
+perfect organization.--H. W.]
+
+
+MISTER BUCKINUM, the follerin Billet was writ hum by a Yung feller of
+our town that wuz cussed fool enuff to goe atrottin inter Miss Chiff
+arter a Drum and fife. it ain't Nater for a feller to let on that he's
+sick o' any bizness that He went intu off his own free will and a Cord,
+but I rather cal'late he's middlin tired o' Voluntearin By this Time. I
+bleeve u may put dependunts on his statemence. For I never heered nothin
+bad on him let Alone his havin what Parson Wilbur calls a _pongshong_
+for cocktales, and he ses it wuz a soshiashun of idees sot him agoin
+arter the Crootin Sargient cos he wore a cocktale onto his hat.
+
+his Folks gin the letter to me and i shew it to parson Wilbur and he ses
+it oughter Bee printed. send It to mister Buckinum, ses he, i don't
+ollers agree with him, ses he, but by Time,[5] ses he, I _du_ like a
+feller that ain't a Feared.
+
+I have intusspussed a Few refleckshuns hear and thair. We're kind o'
+prest with Hayin.
+
+                                         Ewers respecfly,
+
+                                                    HOSEA BIGLOW.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    This kind o' sogerin' aint a mite like our October trainin',
+    A chap could clear right out from there ef 't only looked like rainin'.
+    An' th' Cunnles, tu, could kiver up their shappoes with bandanners,
+    An' send the insines skootin' to the bar-room with their banners
+    (Fear o' gittin' on 'em spotted), an' a feller could cry quarter
+    Ef he fired away his ramrod arter tu much rum an' water.
+
+    Recollect wut fun we hed, you 'n I an' Ezry Hollis,
+    Up there to Waltham plain last fall, ahavin' the Cornwallis?[6]
+    This sort o' thing aint _jest_ like thet,--I wish thet I wuz
+              furder,--[7]
+    Nimepunce a day fer killin' folks comes kind o' low fer murder
+    (Wy I 've worked out to slarterin' some fer Deacon Cephas Billins,
+    An' in the hardest times there wuz I ollers tetched ten shillins),
+    There's sutthin' gits into my throat thet makes it hard to swaller,
+    It comes so nateral to think about a hempen collar;
+    It 's glory,--but, in spite o' all my tryin' to git callous,
+    I feel a kind o' in a cart, aridin' to the gallus.
+    But wen it comes to _bein'_ killed,--I tell ye I felt streaked
+    The fust time ever I found out wy baggonets wuz peaked;
+    Here's how it wuz: I started out to go to a fandango,
+    The sentinul he ups an' sez, "Thet 's furder 'an you can go."
+    "None o' your sarse," sez I; sez he, "Stan' back!" "Aint you a buster?"
+    Sez I, "I 'm up to all thet air, I guess I've ben to muster;
+    I know wy sentinuls air sot; you aint agoin' to eat us;
+    Caleb haint no monopoly to court the seenoreetas;
+    My folks to hum air full ez good ez hisn be, by golly!"
+    An' so ez I wuz goin' by, not thinkin' wut would folly,
+    The everlastin' cus he stuck his one-pronged pitchfork in me
+    An' made a hole right thru my close ez ef I wuz an in'my.
+    Wal, it beats all how big I felt hoorawin' in ole Funnel
+    Wen Mister Bolles he gin the sword to our Leftenant Cunnle
+    (It 's Mister Secondary Bolles,[8] thet writ the prize peace essay;
+    Thet 's wy he did n't list himself along o us, I dessay),
+    An' Rantoul, tu, talked pooty loud, but don't put _his_ foot in it,
+    Coz human life 's so sacred thet he 's principled agin' it,--
+    Though I myself can 't rightly see it 's any wus achokin' on 'em
+    Than puttin' bullets thru their lights, or with a bagnet pokin' on 'em;
+    How dreffle slick he reeled it off (like Blitz at our lyceum
+    Ahaulin' ribbins from his chops so quick you skeercely see 'em),
+    About the Anglo-Saxon race (an' saxons would be handy
+    To du the buryin' down here upon the Rio Grandy),
+    About our patriotic pas an' our star-spangled banner,
+    Our country's bird alookin' on an' singin' out hosanner,
+    An' how he (Mister B. himself) wuz happy fer Ameriky,--
+    I felt, ez sister Patience sez, a leetle mite histericky.
+    I felt, I swon, ez though it wuz a dreffle kind o' privilege
+    Atrampin' round thru Boston streets among the gutter's drivelage;
+    I act'lly thought it wuz a treat to hear a little drummin',
+    An' it did bonyfidy seem millanyum wuz acomin'
+    Wen all on us got suits (darned like them wore in the state prison)
+    An' every feller felt ez though all Mexico wuz hisn.[9]
+
+    This 'ere 's about the meanest place a skunk could wal diskiver
+    (Saltillo 's Mexican, I b'lieve, fer wut we call Saltriver).
+    The sort o' trash a feller gits to eat doos beat all nater,
+    I 'd give a year's pay fer a smell o' one good bluenose tater;
+    The country here thet Mister Bolles declared to be so charmin'
+    Throughout is swarmin' with the most alarmin' kind o' varmin'.
+    He talked about delishis froots, but then it wuz a wopper all,
+    The holl on't 's mud an' prickly pears, with here an' there a
+              chapparal;
+    You see a feller peekin' out, an', fust you know, a lariat
+    Is round your throat an' you a copse, 'fore you can say, "Wut air ye
+              at?"[10]
+    You never see sech darned gret bugs (it may not be irrelevant
+    To say I 've seen a _scarabaeus pilularius_[11] big ez a year old
+              elephant),
+    The rigiment come up one day in time to stop a red bug
+    From runnin' off with Cunnle Wright,--'t wuz jest a common _cimex
+              lectularius_.
+    One night I started up on eend an' thought I wuz to hum agin,
+    I heern a horn, thinks I it 's Sol the fisherman hez come agin,
+    _His_ bellowses is sound enough,--ez I 'm a livin' creeter,
+    I felt a thing go thru my leg,--'t wuz nothin' more 'n a skeeter!
+    Then there 's the yaller fever, tu, they call it here el vomito,--
+    (Come, thet wun't du, you landcrab there, I tell ye to le' _go_ my toe!
+    My gracious! it 's a scorpion thet 's took a shine to play with 't,
+    I dars n't skeer the tarnal thing fer fear he 'd run away with 't.)
+    Afore I come away from hum I hed a strong persuasion
+    Thet Mexicans worn't human beans,[12]--an ourang outang nation,
+    A sort o' folks a chap could kill an' never dream on 't arter,
+    No more 'n a feller 'd dream o' pigs thet he hed hed to slarter;
+    I 'd an idee thet they were built arter the darkie fashion all,
+    An' kickin' coloured folks about, you know, 's a kind o' national;
+    But wen I jined I worn't so wise ez thet air queen o' Sheby,
+    Fer, come to look at 'em, they aint much diff'rent from wut we be,
+    An' here we air ascrougin' 'em out o' thir own dominions,
+    Ashelterin' 'em, ez Caleb sez, under our eagle's pinions,
+    Wich means to take a feller up jest by the slack o' 's trowsis
+    An' walk him Spanish clean right out o' all his homes an' houses;
+    Wal, it doos seem a curus way, but then hooraw fer Jackson!
+    It must be right, fer Caleb sez it 's reg'lar Anglosaxon.
+    The Mex'cans don't fight fair, they say, they piz'n all the water,
+    An' du amazin' lots o' things thet is n't wut they ough' to;
+    Bein' they haint no lead, they make their bullets out o' copper
+    An' shoot the darned things at us, tu, wich Caleb sez aint proper;
+    He sez they 'd ough' to stan' right up an' let us pop 'em fairly
+    (Guess wen he ketches 'em at thet he 'll hev to git up airly),
+    Thet our nation 's bigger 'n theirn an' so its rights air bigger,
+    An' thet it 's all to make 'em free thet we air pullin' trigger,
+    Thet Anglo Saxondom's idee 's abreakin' 'em to pieces,
+    An' thet idee 's thet every man doos jest wut he damn pleases;
+    Ef I don't make his meanin' clear, perhaps in some respex I can,
+    I know thet "every man" don't mean a nigger or a Mexican;
+    An' there 's another thing I know, an' thet is, ef these creeturs,
+    Thet stick an Anglosaxon mask onto State-prison feeturs,
+    Should come to Jaalam Centre fer to argify an' spout on 't,
+    The gals 'ould count the silver spoons the minnit they cleared out
+              on 't.
+
+    This goin' ware glory waits ye haint one agreeable feetur,
+    An' ef it worn't fer wakin' snakes, I 'd home agin short meter;
+    O, would n't I be off, quick time, ef 't worn't thet I wuz sartin
+    They 'd let the daylight into me to pay me fer desartin!
+    I don't approve o' tellin' tales, but jest to you I may state
+    Our ossifers aint wut they wuz afore they left the Bay-state;
+    Then it wuz "Mister Sawin, sir, you 're middlin' well now, be ye?
+    Step up an' take a nipper, sir; I 'm dreffle glad to see ye;"
+    But now it 's "Ware 's my eppylet? here, Sawin, step an' fetch it!
+    An' mind your eye, be thund'rin' spry, or, damn ye, you shall ketch
+              it!"
+    Wal, ez the Doctor sez, some pork will bile so, but by mighty,
+    Ef I hed some on 'em to hum, I 'd give 'em linkum vity,
+    I 'd play the rogue's march on their hides an' other music
+              follerin'----
+    But I must close my letter here, for one on 'em 's ahollerin',
+    These Anglosaxon ossifers,--wal, taint no use ajawin',
+    I 'm safe enlisted fer the war,
+
+                                        Yourn,
+
+                                                BIRDOFREDOM SAWIN.
+
+
+[Those have not been wanting (as, indeed, when hath Satan been to seek
+for attorneys?) who have maintained that our late inroad upon Mexico was
+undertaken, not so much for the avenging of any national quarrel, as for
+the spreading of free institutions and of Protestantism. _Capita vix
+duabus Anticyris medenda!_ Verily I admire that no pious sergeant among
+these new Crusaders beheld Martin Luther riding at the front of the host
+upon a tamed pontifical bull, as, in that former invasion of Mexico, the
+zealous Diaz (spawn though he were of the Scarlet Woman) was favoured
+with a vision of St. James of Compostella, skewering the infidels upon
+his apostolical lance. We read, also, that Richard of the lion heart,
+having gone to Palestine on a similar errand of mercy, was divinely
+encouraged to cut the throats of such Paynims as refused to swallow the
+bread of life (doubtless that they might be thereafter incapacitated for
+swallowing the filthy gobbets of Mahound) by angels of heaven, who cried
+to the king and his knights,--_Seigneurs, tuez! tuez!_ providentially
+using the French tongue, as being the only one understood by their
+auditors. This would argue for the pantoglottism of these celestial
+intelligences, while, on the other hand, the Devil, _teste_ Cotton
+Mather, is unversed in certain of the Indian dialects. Yet must he be a
+semeiologist the most expert, making himself intelligible to every
+people and kindred by signs; no other discourse, indeed, being needful,
+than such as the mackerel-fisher holds with his finned quarry, who, if
+other bait be wanting, can by a bare bit of white rag at the end of a
+string captivate those foolish fishes. Such piscatorial oratory is Satan
+cunning in. Before one he trails a hat and feather, or a bare feather
+without a hat; before another, a Presidential chair, or a tidewaiter's
+stool, or a pulpit in the city, no matter what. To us, dangling there
+over our heads, they seem junkets dropped out of the seventh heaven,
+sops dipped in nectar, but, once in our mouths, they are all one, bits
+of fuzzy cotton.
+
+This, however, by the way. It is time now _revocare gradum_. While so
+many miracles of this sort, vouched by eye-witnesses, have encouraged
+the arms of Papists, not to speak of those _Dioscuri_ (whom we must
+conclude imps of the pit) who sundry times captained the pagan Roman
+soldiery, it is strange that our first American crusade was not in some
+such wise also signalized. Yet it is said that the Lord hath manifestly
+prospered our armies. This opens the question, whether, when our hands
+are strengthened to make great slaughter of our enemies, it be
+absolutely and demonstratively certain that this might is added to us
+from above, or whether some Potentate from an opposite quarter may not
+have a finger in it, as there are few pies into which his meddling
+digits are not thrust. Would the Sanctifier and Setter-apart of the
+seventh day have assisted in a victory gained on the Sabbath, as was one
+in the late war? Or has that day become less an object of his especial
+care since the year 1697, when so manifest a providence occurred to Mr.
+William Trowbridge, in answer to whose prayers, when he and all on
+shipboard with him were starving, a dolphin was sent daily, "which was
+enough to serve 'em; only on _Saturdays_ they still catched a couple,
+and on the _Lord's Days_ they could catch none at all"? Haply they might
+have been permitted, by way of mortification, to take some few sculpins
+(those banes of the salt-water angler), which unseemly fish would,
+moreover, have conveyed to them a symbolical reproof for their breach of
+the day, being known in the rude dialect of our mariners as _Cape Cod
+Clergymen_.
+
+It has been a refreshment to many nice consciences to know that our
+Chief Magistrate would not regard with eyes of approval the (by many
+esteemed) sinful pastime of dancing, and I own myself to be so far of
+that mind, that I could not but set my face against this Mexican Polka,
+though danced to the Presidential piping with a Gubernatorial second. If
+ever the country should be seized with another such mania _de propaganda
+fide_, I think it would be wise to fill our bombshells with alternate
+copies of the Cambridge Platform and the Thirty-nine Articles, which
+would produce a mixture of the highest explosive power, and to wrap
+every one of our cannon-balls in a leaf of the New Testament, the
+reading of which is denied to those who sit in the darkness of Popery.
+Those iron evangelists would thus be able to disseminate vital religion
+and Gospel truth in quarters inaccessible to the ordinary missionary. I
+have seen lads, unimpregnate with the more sublimated punctiliousness of
+Walton, secure pickerel, taking their unwary _siesta_ beneath the
+lily-pads too nigh the surface, with a gun and small shot. Why not,
+then, since gunpowder was unknown to the apostles (not to enter here
+upon the question whether it were discovered before that period by the
+Chinese), suit our metaphor to the age in which we live, and say
+_shooters_ as well as _fishers_ of men?
+
+I do much fear that we shall be seized now and then with a Protestant
+fervour, as long as we have neighbour Naboths whose wallowings in
+Papistical mire excite our horror in exact proportion to the size and
+desirableness of their vineyards. Yet I rejoice that some earnest
+Protestants have been made by this war,--I mean those who protested
+against it. Fewer they were than I could wish, for one might imagine
+America to have been colonized by a tribe of those nondescript African
+animals the Aye-Ayes, so difficult a word is _No_ to us all. There is
+some malformation or defect of the vocal organs, which either prevents
+our uttering it at all, or gives it so thick a pronunciation as to be
+unintelligible. A mouth filled with the national pudding, or watering in
+expectation thereof, is wholly incompetent to this refractory
+monosyllable. An abject and herpetic Public Opinion is the Pope, the
+Anti-Christ, for us to protest against _e corde cordium_. And by what
+College of Cardinals is this our God's-vicar, our binder and looser,
+elected? Very like, by the sacred conclave of Tag, Rag, and Bobtail, the
+gracious atmosphere of the grog-shop. Yet it is of this that we must all
+be puppets. This thumps the pulpit-cushion, this guides the editor's
+pen, this wags the senator's tongue. This decides what Scriptures are
+canonical, and shuffles Christ away into the Apocrypha. According to
+that sentence fathered upon Solon, {Houto demosion kakon erchetai oikad'
+hekasto}. This unclean spirit is skilful to assume various shapes. I
+have known it to enter my own study and nudge my elbow of a Saturday,
+under the semblance of a wealthy member of my congregation. It were a
+great blessing, if every particular of what in the sum we call popular
+sentiment could carry about the name of its manufacturer stamped legibly
+upon it. I gave a stab under the fifth rib to that pestilent
+fallacy,--"Our country, right or wrong,"--by tracing its original to a
+speech of Ensign Cilley at a dinner of the Bungtown Fencibles.--H. W.]
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[5] In relation to this expression, I cannot but think that Mr. Biglow
+has been too hasty in attributing it to me. Though Time be a
+comparatively innocent personage to swear by, and though Longinus in his
+discourse {Peri Hypsous} has commended timely oaths as not only a useful
+but sublime figure of speech, yet I have always kept my lips free from
+that abomination. _Odi profanum vulgus_, I hate your swearing and
+hectoring fellows.--H. W.
+
+[6] i hait the Site of a feller with a muskit as I du pizn But their
+_is_ fun to a cornwallis I aint agoin' to deny it.--H. B.
+
+[7] he means Not quite so fur i guess.--H. B.
+
+[8] the ignerant creeter means Sekketary; but he ollers stuck to his
+books like cobbler's wax to an ile-stone.--H. B.
+
+[9] it must be aloud that thare 's a streak o' nater in lovin' sho, but
+it sartinly is 1 of the curusest things in nater to see a rispecktable
+dri goods dealer (deekon off a chutch mayby) a riggin' himself out in
+the Weigh they du and struttin' round in the Reign aspilin' his trowsis
+and makin' wet goods of himself. Ef any thin 's foolisher and moor
+dicklus than militerry gloary it is milishy gloary.--H. B.
+
+[10] these fellers are verry proppilly called Rank Heroes, and the more
+tha kill the ranker and more Herowick tha bekum.--H. B.
+
+[11] it wuz "tumblebug" as he Writ it, but the parson put the Latten
+instid. i sed tother maid better meeter, but he said tha was eddykated
+peepl to Boston and tha would n't stan' it no how. idnow as tha _wood_
+and idnow _as_ tha wood.--H. B.
+
+[12] he means human beins, that 's wut he means. i spose he kinder
+thought tha wuz human beans ware the Xisle Poles comes from.--H. B.
+
+
+
+
+No. III.
+
+WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS.
+
+
+[A few remarks on the following verses will not be out of place. The
+satire in them was not meant to have any personal, but only a general,
+application. Of the gentleman upon whose letter they were intended as a
+commentary Mr. Biglow had never heard, till he saw the letter itself.
+The position of the satirist is oftentimes one which he would not have
+chosen had the election been left to himself. In attacking bad
+principles, he is obliged to select some individual who has made himself
+their exponent, and in whom they are impersonate, to the end that what
+he says may not, through ambiguity, be dissipated _tenues in auras_. For
+what says Seneca? _Longum iter per praecepta, breve et efficace per
+exempla._ A bad principle is comparatively harmless while it continues
+to be an abstraction, nor can the general mind comprehend it fully till
+it is printed in that large type which all men can read at sight,
+namely, the life and character, the sayings and doings, of particular
+persons. It is one of the cunningest fetches of Satan, that he never
+exposes himself directly to our arrows, but, still dodging behind this
+neighbour or that acquaintance, compels us to wound him through them, if
+at all. He holds our affections as hostages, the while he patches up a
+truce with our conscience.
+
+Meanwhile, let us not forget that the aim of the true satirist is not to
+be severe upon persons, but only upon falsehood: and, as Truth and
+Falsehood start from the same point, and sometimes even go along
+together for a little way, his business is to follow the path of the
+latter after it diverges, and to show her floundering in the bog at the
+end of it. Truth is quite beyond the reach of satire. There is so brave
+a simplicity in her, that she can no more be made ridiculous than an oak
+or a pine. The danger of the satirist is, that continual use may deaden
+his sensibility to the force of language. He becomes more and more
+liable to strike harder than he knows or intends. He may be careful to
+put on his boxing-gloves, and yet forget, that, the older they grow, the
+more plainly may the knuckles inside be felt. Moreover, in the heat of
+contest, the eye is insensibly drawn to the crown of victory, whose
+tawdry tinsel glitters through that dust of the ring which obscures
+Truth's wreath of simple leaves. I have sometimes thought that my young
+friend, Mr. Biglow, needed a monitory hand laid on his arm,--_aliquid
+sufflaminandus erat_. I have never thought it good husbandry to water
+the tender plants of reform with _aqua fortis_, yet, where so much is to
+do in the beds, he were a sorry gardener who should wage a whole day's
+war with an iron scuffle on those ill weeds that make the garden-walks
+of life unsightly, when a sprinkle of Attic salt will wither them up.
+_Est ars etiam maledicendi_, says Scaliger, and truly it is a hard thing
+to say where the graceful gentleness of the lamb merges in downright
+sheepishness. We may conclude with worthy and wise Dr. Fuller, that "one
+may be a lamb in private wrongs, but in hearing general affronts to
+goodness they are asses which are not lions."--H. W.]
+
+
+    Guvener B. is a sensible man;
+      He stays to his home an' looks arter his folks;
+    He draws his furrer ez straight ez he can,
+      An' into nobody's tater-patch pokes;--
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.
+
+    My! aint it terrible? Wut shall we du?
+      We can't never choose him, o' course,--thet 's flat;
+    Guess we shall hev to come round, (don't you?)
+      An' go in fer thunder an' guns, an' all that;
+                Fer John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he wunt vote fer Guvener B.
+
+    Gineral C. is a dreffle smart man:
+      He 's ben on all sides thet give places or pelf;
+    But consistency still wuz a part of his plan,--
+      He 's ben true to _one_ party,--an' thet is himself;--
+                So John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.
+
+    Gineral C. he goes in fer the war;
+      He don't vally principle more 'n an old cud;
+    Wut did God make us raytional creeturs fer,
+      But glory an' gunpowder, plunder an' blood?
+                So John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez he shall vote fer Gineral C.
+
+    We were gittin' on nicely up here to our village,
+      With good old idees o' wut 's right an' wut aint,
+    We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage,
+      An' thet eppyletts worn't the best mark of a saint;
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez this kind o' thing 's an exploded idee.
+
+    The side of our country must ollers be took,
+      An' Presidunt Polk, you know, _he_ is our country;
+    An' the angel thet writes all our sins in a book
+      Puts the _debit_ to him, an' to us the _per contry_;
+                An' John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez this is his view o' the thing to a T.
+
+    Parson Wilbur he calls all these argimunts lies;
+      Sez they 're nothin' on airth but jest _fee, faw, fum_;
+    An' thet all this big talk of our destinies
+      Is half on it ignorance, an' t'other half rum;
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez it aint no sech thing; an', of course, so must we.
+
+    Parson Wilbur sez _he_ never heerd in his life
+      Thet th' Apostles rigged out in their swaller-tail coats
+    An' marched round in front of a drum an' a fife,
+      To git some on 'em office, an' some on 'em votes;
+                But John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez they did n't know everythin' down in Judee.
+
+    Wal, it 's a marcy we 've gut folks to tell us
+      The rights an' the wrongs o' these matters, I vow,--
+    God sends country lawyers, an' other wise fellers,
+      To drive the world's team wen it gits in a slough;
+                Fer John P.
+                Robinson he
+        Sez the world 'll go right, ef he hollers out Gee!
+
+
+[The attentive reader will doubtless have perceived in the foregoing
+poem an allusion to that pernicious sentiment,--"Our country, right or
+wrong." It is an abuse of language to call a certain portion of land
+much more certain personages elevated for the time being to high
+station, our country. I would not sever nor loosen a single one of those
+ties by which we are united to the spot of our birth, nor minish by a
+tittle the respect due to the Magistrate. I love our own Bay State too
+well to do the one, and as for the other, I have myself for nigh forty
+years exercised, however unworthily, the function of Justice of the
+Peace, having been called thereto by the unsolicited kindness of that
+most excellent man and upright patriot, Caleb Strong. _Patriae fumus igne
+alieno luculentior_ is best qualified with this,--_Ubi libertas, ibi
+patria_. We are inhabitants of two worlds, and owe a double, but not a
+divided, allegiance. In virtue of our clay, this little ball of earth
+exacts a certain loyalty of us; while, in our capacity as spirits, we
+are admitted citizens of an invisible and holier fatherland. There is a
+patriotism of the soul whose claim absolves us from our other and
+terrene fealty. Our true country is that ideal realm which we represent
+to ourselves under the names of religion, duty, and the like. Our
+terrestrial organizations are but far-off approaches to so fair a model,
+and all they are verily traitors who resist not any attempt to divert
+them from this their original intendment. When, therefore, one would
+have us to fling up our caps and shout with the multitude,--"_Our
+country, however bounded!_" he demands of us that we sacrifice the
+larger to the less, the higher to the lower, and that we yield to the
+imaginary claims of a few acres of soil our duty and privilege as
+liegemen of Truth. Our true country is bounded on the north and the
+south, on the east and the west, by Justice, and when she oversteps that
+invisible boundary-line by so much as a hair's-breadth, she ceases to be
+our mother, and chooses rather to be looked upon _quasi noverca_. That
+is a hard choice, when our earthly love of country calls upon us to
+tread one path and our duty points us to another. We must make as noble
+and becoming an election as did Penelope between Icarius and Ulysses.
+Veiling our faces, we must take silently the hand of Duty to follow her.
+
+Shortly after the publication of the foregoing poem, there appeared some
+comments upon it in one of the public prints which seemed to call for
+some animadversion. I accordingly addressed to Mr. Buckingham, of the
+_Boston Courier_, the following letter.
+
+                                        "JAALAM, November 4, 1847.
+
+"_To the Editor of the Courier:_
+
+"RESPECTED SIR,--Calling at the post-office this morning, our worthy and
+efficient postmaster offered for my perusal a paragraph in the Boston
+Morning Post of the 3d instant, wherein certain effusions of the
+pastoral muse are attributed to the pen of Mr. James Russell Lowell. For
+ought I know or can affirm to the contrary, this Mr. Lowell may be a
+very deserving person and a youth of parts (though I have seen verses of
+his which I could never rightly understand); and if he be such, he, I am
+certain, as well as I, would be free from any proclivity to appropriate
+to himself whatever of credit (or discredit) may honestly belong to
+another. I am confident, that, in penning these few lines, I am only
+forestalling a disclaimer from that young gentleman, whose silence
+hitherto, when rumour pointed to himward, has excited in my bosom
+mingled emotions of sorrow and surprise. Well may my young parishioner,
+Mr. Biglow, exclaim with the poet,
+
+    "'Sic vos non vobis' &c.;
+
+though, in saying this, I would not convey the impression that he is a
+proficient in the Latin tongue,--the tongue, I might add, of a Horace
+and a Tully.
+
+"Mr. B. does not employ his pen, I can safely say, for any lucre of
+worldly gain, or to be exalted by the carnal plaudits of men, _digito
+monstrari_, &c. He does not wait upon Providence for mercies, and in his
+heart mean _merces_. But I should esteem myself as verily deficient in
+my duty (who am his friend and in some unworthy sort his spiritual
+_fidus Achates_, &c.), if I did not step forward to claim for him
+whatever measure of applause might be assigned to him by the judicious.
+
+"If this were a fitting occasion, I might venture here a brief
+dissertation touching the manner and kind of my young friend's poetry.
+But I dubitate whether this abstruser sort of speculation (though
+enlivened by some apposite instances from Aristophanes) would
+sufficiently interest your oppidan readers. As regards their satirical
+tone, and their plainness of speech, I will only say, that, in my
+pastoral experience, I have found that the Arch-Enemy loves nothing
+better than to be treated as a religious, moral, and intellectual being,
+and that there is no _apage Sathanas_! so potent as ridicule. But it is
+a kind of weapon that must have a button of good-nature on the point of
+it.
+
+"The productions of Mr. B. have been stigmatized in some quarters as
+unpatriotic; but I can vouch that he loves his native soil with that
+hearty, though discriminating, attachment which springs from an intimate
+social intercourse of many years' standing. In the ploughing season, no
+one has a deeper share in the well-being of the country than he. If Dean
+Swift were right in saying that he who makes two blades of grass grow
+where one grew before confers a greater benefit on the state than he who
+taketh a city, Mr. B. might exhibit a fairer claim to the Presidency
+than General Scott himself. I think that some of those disinterested
+lovers of the hard-handed democracy, whose fingers have never touched
+anything rougher than the dollars of our common country, would hesitate
+to compare palms with him. It would do your heart good, respected Sir,
+to see that young man now. He cuts a cleaner and wider swarth than any
+in this town.
+
+"But it is time for me to be at my Post. It is very clear that my young
+friend's shot has struck the lintel, for the Post is shaken (Amos ix.
+1). The editor of that paper is a strenuous advocate of the Mexican war,
+and a colonel, as I am given to understand. I presume, that, being
+necessarily absent in Mexico, he has left his journal in some less
+judicious hands. At any rate, the Post has been too swift on this
+occasion. It could hardly have cited a more incontrovertible line from
+any poem than that which it has selected for animadversion, namely,--
+
+    "'We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage.'
+
+"If the Post maintains the converse of this proposition, it can hardly
+be considered as a safe guide-post for the moral and religious portions
+of its party, however many other excellent qualities of a post it may be
+blessed with. There is a sign in London on which is painted,--'The Green
+Man.' It would do very well as a portrait of any individual who would
+support so unscriptural a thesis. As regards the language of the line in
+question, I am bold to say that He who readeth the hearts of men will
+not account any dialect unseemly which conveys a sound and pious
+sentiment. I could wish that such sentiments were more common, however
+uncouthly expressed. Saint Ambrose affirms, that _veritas a quocunque_
+(why not, then _quomodocunque_?) _dicatur, a spiritu sancto est_. Digest
+also this of Baxter:--'The plainest words are the most profitable
+oratory in weightiest matters.'
+
+"When the paragraph in question was shown to Mr. Biglow, the only part
+of it which seemed to give him any dissatisfaction was that which
+classed him with the Whig party. He says, that, if resolutions are a
+nourishing kind of diet, that party must be in a very hearty and
+flourishing condition; for that they have quietly eaten more good ones
+of their own baking than he could have conceived to be possible without
+repletion. He has been for some years past (I regret to say) an ardent
+opponent of those sound doctrines of protective policy which form so
+prominent a portion of the creed of that party. I confess, that, in some
+discussions which I have had with him on this point in my study, he has
+displayed a vein of obstinacy which I had not hitherto detected in his
+composition. He is also (_horresco referens_) infected in no small
+measure with the peculiar notions of a print called the Liberator,
+whose heresies I take every proper opportunity of combating, and of
+which, I thank God, I have never read a single line.
+
+"I did not see Mr. B.'s verses until they appeared in print, and there
+_is_ certainly one thing in them which I consider highly improper. I
+allude to the personal references to myself by name. To confer notoriety
+on an humble individual who is labouring quietly in his vocation, and
+who keeps his cloth as free as he can from the dust of the political
+arena (though _vae mihi si non evangelizavero_), is no doubt an
+indecorum. The sentiments which he attributes to me I will not deny to
+be mine. They were embodied, though in a different form, in a discourse
+preached upon the last day of public fasting, and were acceptable to my
+entire people (of whatever political views), except the postmaster, who
+dissented _ex officio_. I observe that you sometimes devote a portion of
+your paper to a religious summary. I should be well pleased to furnish a
+copy of my discourse for insertion in this department of your
+instructive journal. By omitting the advertisements, it might easily be
+got within the limits of a single number, and I venture to insure you
+the sale of some scores of copies in this town. I will cheerfully render
+myself responsible for ten. It might possibly be advantageous to issue
+it as an _extra_. But perhaps you will not esteem it an object, and I
+will not press it. My offer does not spring from any weak desire of
+seeing my name in print; for I can enjoy this satisfaction at any time
+by turning to the Triennial Catalogue of the University, where it also
+possesses that added emphasis of Italics with which those of my calling
+are distinguished.
+
+"I would simply add, that I continue to fit ingenuous youth for college,
+and that I have two spacious and airy sleeping apartments at this moment
+unoccupied. _Ingenuas didicisse_, &c. Terms, which vary according to the
+circumstances of the parents, may be known on application to me by
+letter, post paid. In all cases the lad will be expected to fetch his
+own towels. This rule, Mrs. W. desires me to add, has no exceptions.
+
+                       "Respectfully, your obedient servant,
+
+                                               "HOMER WILBUR, A.M.
+
+"P.S. Perhaps the last paragraph may look like an attempt to obtain the
+insertion of my circular gratuitously. If it should appear to you in
+that light, I desire that you would erase it, or charge for it at the
+usual rates, and deduct the amount from the proceeds in your hands from
+the sale of my discourse, when it shall be printed. My circular is much
+longer and more explicit, and will be forwarded without charge to any
+who may desire it. It has been very neatly executed on a letter sheet,
+by a very deserving printer, who attends upon my ministry, and is a
+creditable specimen of the typographic art. I have one hung over my
+mantelpiece in a neat frame, where it makes a beautiful and appropriate
+ornament, and balances the profile of Mrs. W., cut with her toes by the
+young lady born without arms.                               H. W."
+
+I have in the foregoing letter mentioned General Scott in connexion with
+the Presidency, because I have been given to understand that he has
+blown to pieces and otherwise caused to be destroyed more Mexicans than
+any other commander. His claim would therefore be deservedly considered
+the strongest. Until accurate returns of the Mexican killed, wounded,
+and maimed be obtained, it would be difficult to settle these nice
+points of precedence. Should it prove that any other officer has been
+more meritorious and destructive than General. S., and has thereby
+rendered himself more worthy of the confidence and support of the
+conservative portion of our community, I shall cheerfully insert his
+name, instead of that of General S., in a future edition. It may be
+thought, likewise, that General S. has invalidated his claims by too
+much attention to the decencies of apparel, and the habits belonging to
+a gentleman. These abstruser points of statesmanship are beyond my
+scope. I wonder not that successful military achievement should attract
+the admiration of the multitude. Rather do I rejoice with wonder to
+behold how rapidly this sentiment is losing its hold upon the popular
+mind. It is related of Thomas Warton, the second of that honoured name
+who held the office of Poetry Professor at Oxford, that, when one wished
+to find him, being absconded, as was his wont, in some obscure alehouse,
+he was counselled to traverse the city with a drum and fife, the sound
+of which inspiring music would be sure to draw the Doctor from his
+retirement into the street. We are all more or less bitten with this
+martial insanity. _Nescio qua dulcedine ... cunctos ducit._ I confess to
+some infection of that itch myself. When I see a Brigadier-General
+maintaining his insecure elevation in the saddle under the severe fire
+of the training-field, and when I remember that some military
+enthusiasts, through haste, inexperience, or an over-desire to lend
+reality to those fictitious combats, will sometimes discharge their
+ramrods, I cannot but admire, while I deplore, the mistaken devotion of
+those heroic officers. _Semel insanivimus omnes._ I was myself, during
+the late war with Great Britain, chaplain of a regiment, which was
+fortunately never called to active military duty. I mention this
+circumstance with regret rather than pride. Had I been summoned to
+actual warfare, I trust that I might have been strengthened to bear
+myself after the manner of that reverend father in our New England
+Israel, Dr. Benjamin Colman, who, as we are told in Turell's life of
+him, when the vessel in which he had taken passage for England was
+attacked by a French privateer, "fought like a philosopher and a
+Christian, ... and prayed all the while he charged and fired." As this
+note is already long, I shall not here enter upon a discussion of the
+question, whether Christians may lawfully be soldiers. I think it
+sufficiently evident, that, during the first two centuries of the
+Christian era, at least, the two professions were esteemed incompatible.
+Consult Jortin on this head.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. IV.
+
+ REMARKS OF INCREASE D. O'PHACE, ESQUIRE, AT AN EX-TRUMPERY
+   CAUCUS IN STATE STREET, REPORTED BY MR. H. BIGLOW.
+
+
+[The ingenious reader will at once understand that no such speech as the
+following was ever _totidem verbis_ pronounced. But there are simpler
+and less guarded wits, for the satisfying of which such an explanation
+may be needful. For there are certain invisible lines, which as Truth
+successively overpasses, she becomes Untruth to one and another of us,
+as a large river, flowing from one kingdom into another, sometimes takes
+a new name, albeit the waters undergo no change, how small soever. There
+is, moreover, a truth of fiction more veracious than the truth of fact,
+as that of the Poet, which represents to us things and events as they
+ought to be, rather than servilely copies them as they are imperfectly
+imaged in the crooked and smoky glass of our mundane affairs. It is this
+which makes the speech of Antonius, though originally spoken in no wider
+a forum than the brain of Shakspeare, more historically valuable than
+that other which Appian has reported, by as much as the understanding of
+the Englishman was more comprehensive than that of the Alexandrian. Mr.
+Biglow, in the present instance, has only made use of a licence assumed
+by all the historians of antiquity, who put into the mouths of various
+characters such words as seem to them most fitting to the occasion and
+to the speaker. If it be objected that no such oration could ever have
+been delivered, I answer, that there are few assemblages for
+speech-making which do not better deserve the title of _Parliamentum
+Indoctorum_ than did the sixth Parliament of Henry the Fourth, and that
+men still continue to have as much faith in the Oracle of Fools as ever
+Pantagruel had. Howell, in his letters, recounts a merry tale of a
+certain ambassador of Queen Elizabeth, who, having written two letters,
+one to her Majesty and the other to his wife, directed them at
+cross-purposes, so that the Queen was beducked and bedeared and
+requested to send a change of hose, and the wife was beprincessed and
+otherwise unwontedly besuperlatived, till the one feared for the wits of
+her ambassador, the other for those of her husband. In like manner it
+may be presumed that our speaker has misdirected some of his thoughts,
+and given to the whole theatre what he would have wished to confide only
+to a select auditory at the back of the curtain. For it is seldom that
+we can get any frank utterance from men, who address, for the most part,
+a Buncombe either in this world or the next. As for their audiences, it
+may be truly said of our people, that they enjoy one political
+institution in common with the ancient Athenians: I mean a certain
+profitless kind of _ostracism_, wherewith, nevertheless, they seem
+hitherto well enough content. For in Presidential elections, and other
+affairs of the sort, whereas I observe that the _oysters_ fall to the
+lot of comparatively few, the _shells_ (such as the privileges of voting
+as they are told to do by the _ostrivori_ aforesaid, and of huzzaing at
+public meetings) are very liberally distributed among the people, as
+being their prescriptive and quite sufficient portion.
+
+The occasion of the speech is supposed to be Mr. Palfrey's refusal to
+vote for the Whig candidate for the Speakership.--H. W.]
+
+
+    No? Hez he? He haint, though? Wut? Voted agin him?
+    Ef the bird of our country could ketch him, she 'd skin him;
+    I seem 's though I see her, with wrath in each quill,
+    Like a chancery lawyer, afilin' her bill,
+    An' grindin' her talents ez sharp ez all nater,
+    To pounce like a writ on the back o' the traiter.
+    Forgive me, my friends, ef I seem to be het,
+    But a crisis like this must with vigour be met;
+    Wen an Arnold the star-spangled banner bestains,
+    Holl Fourth o' Julys seem to bile in my veins.
+
+    Who ever 'd ha' thought sech a pisonous rig
+    Would be run by a chap thet wuz chose fer a Wig?
+    "We knowed wut his principles wuz 'fore we sent him"?
+    What wuz ther in them from this vote to pervent him?
+    A marciful Providunce fashioned us holler
+    O' purpose thet we might our principles swaller;
+    It can hold any quantity on 'em, the belly can,
+    An' bring 'em up ready fer use like the pelican,
+    Or more like the kangaroo, who (wich is stranger)
+    Puts her family into her pouch wen there 's danger.
+    Aint principle precious? then, who 's goin' to use it
+    Wen there 's risk o' some chaps gittin' up to abuse it?
+    I can't tell the wy on 't, but nothin' is _so_ sure
+    Ez thet principle kind o' gits spiled by exposure;[13]
+    A man thet lets all sorts o' folks git a sight on 't
+    Ough' to hev it all took right away, every mite on 't;
+    Ef he can't keep it all to himself when it 's wise to,
+    He aint one it 's fit to trust nothin' so nice to.
+
+    Besides, ther 's a wonderful power in latitude
+    To shift a man's morril relations an' attitude;
+    Some flossifers think thet a fakkilty 's granted
+    The minnit it 's proved to be thoroughly wanted,
+    Thet a change o' demand makes a change o' condition
+    An' thet everythin' 's nothin' except by position;
+    Ez, fer instance, thet rubber-trees fust begun bearin'
+    Wen p'litickle conshunces come into wearin',--
+    Thet the fears of a monkey, whose holt chanced to fail,
+    Drawed the vertibry out to a prehensile tail;
+    So, wen one 's chose to Congriss, ez soon ez he 's in it,
+    A collar grows right round his neck in a minnit,
+    An' sartin it is thet a man cannot be strict
+    In bein' himself, when he gets to the Deestrict,
+    Fer a coat thet sets wal here in ole Massachusetts,
+    Wen it gits on to Washinton, somehow askew sets.
+
+    Resolves, do you say, o' the Springfield Convention?
+    Thet 's percisely the pint I was goin' to mention;
+    Resolves air a thing we most gen'ally keep ill,
+    They 're a cheap kind o' dust fer the eyes o' the people;
+    A parcel o' delligits jest git together
+    An' chat fer a spell o' the crops an' the weather,
+    Then, comin' to order, they squabble awile
+    An' let off the speeches they 're ferful 'll spile;
+    Then--Resolve,--Thet we wunt hev an inch o' slave territory;
+    That President Polk's holl perceedins air very tory;
+    Thet the war 's a damned war, an' them thet enlist in it
+    Should hev a cravat with a dreffle tight twist in it;
+    Thet the war is a war fer the spreadin' o' slavery;
+    Thet our army desarves our best thanks fer their bravery;
+    Thet we 're the original friends o' the nation,
+    All the rest air a paltry an' base fabrication;
+    Thet we highly respect Messrs. A, B, an' C,
+    An' ez deeply despise Messrs. E, F, an' G.
+    In this way they go to the eend o' the chapter,
+    An' then they bust out in a kind of a raptur
+    About their own vartoo, an' folks's stone-blindness
+    To the men thet 'ould actilly do 'em a kindness,--
+    The American eagle, the Pilgrims thet landed,
+    Till on ole Plymouth Rock they git finally stranded.
+    Wal, the people they listen and say, "Thet 's the ticket!
+    Ez for Mexico, t'aint no glory to lick it,
+    But 't would be a darned shame to go pullin' o' triggers
+    To extend the aree of abusin' the niggers."
+
+    So they march in percessions, an' git up hooraws,
+    An' tramp thru the mud fer the good o' the cause,
+    An' think they 're kind o' fulfillin' the prophecies,
+    Wen they 're on'y jest changin' the holders of offices;
+    Ware A sot afore, B is comf'tably seated,
+    One humbug 's victor'ous, an' t'other defeated.
+    Each honnable doughface gits jest wut he axes,
+    An' the people--their annooal soft sodder an' taxes.
+
+    Now, to keep unimpaired all these glorious feeturs
+    Thet characterize morril an' reasonin' creeturs,
+    Thet give every paytriot all he can cram,
+    Thet oust the untrustworthy Presidunt Flam,
+    An' stick honest Presidunt Sham in his place,
+    To the manifest gain o' the holl human race,
+    An' to some indervidgewals on 't in partickler,
+    Who love Public Opinion an' know how to tickle her,--
+    I say thet a party with great aims like these
+    Must stick jest ez close ez a hive full o' bees.
+
+    I 'm willin' a man should go tollable strong
+    Agin wrong in the abstract, fer that kind o' wrong
+    Is ollers unpop'lar an' never gits pitied,
+    Because it 's a crime no one never committed;
+    But he mus' n't be hard on partickler sins,
+    Coz then he 'll be kickin' the people's own shins;
+    On'y look at the Demmercrats, see wut they 've done
+    Jest simply by stickin' together like fun;
+    They 've sucked us right into a mis'able war
+    Thet no one on airth aint responsible for;
+    They 've run us a hundred cool millions in debt,
+    (An' fer Demmercrat Horners ther 's good plums left yet);
+    They talk agin tayriffs, but act fer a high one,
+    An' so coax all parties to build up their Zion;
+    To the people they 're ollers ez slick ez molasses,
+    An' butter their bread on both sides with The Masses,
+    Half o' whom they 've persuaded, by way of a joke,
+    Thet Washinton's mantelpiece fell upon Polk.
+
+    Now all o' these blessins the Wigs might enjoy,
+    Ef they 'd gumption enough the right means to imploy;[14]
+    Fer the silver spoon born in Dermocracy's mouth
+    Is a kind of a scringe thet they hev to the South;
+    Their masters can cuss 'em an' kick 'em an' wale 'em,
+    An' they notice it less 'an the ass did to Balaam;
+    In this way they screw into second-rate offices
+    Wich the slaveholder thinks 'ould substract too much off his ease;
+    The file-leaders, I mean, du, fer they, by their wiles,
+    Unlike the old viper, grow fat on their files.
+    Wal, the Wigs hev been tryin' to grab all this prey frum 'em
+    An' to hook this nice spoon o' good fortin' away frum 'em,
+    An' they might ha' succeeded, ez likely ez not,
+    In lickin' the Demmercrats all round the lot,
+    Ef it warn't thet, wile all faithful Wigs were their knees on,
+    Some stuffy old codger would holler out,--"Treason!
+    You must keep a sharp eye on a dog thet hez bit you once,
+    An' _I_ aint agoin' to cheat my constitoounts,"--
+    Wen every fool knows thet a man represents
+    Not the fellers thet sent him, but them on the fence,--
+    Impartially ready to jump either side
+    An' make the fust use of a turn o' the tide,--
+    The waiters on Providunce here in the city,
+    Who compose wut they call a State Centerl Committy.
+    Constitoounts air hendy to help a man in,
+    But arterwards don't weigh the heft of a pin.
+    Wy, the people can't all live on Uncle Sam's pus,
+    So they 've nothin' to du with 't fer better or wus;
+    It 's the folks thet air kind o' brought up to depend on 't
+    That hev any consarn in 't, an' thet is the end on 't.
+
+    Now here wuz New England ahevin' the honor
+    Of a chance at the speakership showered upon her;--
+    Do you say,--"She don't want no more Speakers, but fewer;
+    She 's hed plenty o' them, wut she wants is a _doer_"?
+    Fer the matter o' thet, it 's notorous in town
+    Thet her own representatives du her quite brown.
+    But thet 's nothin' to du with it; wut right hed Palfrey
+    To mix himself up with fanatical small fry?
+    Warn't we gettin' on prime with our hot an' cold blowin',
+    Acondemnin' the war wilst we kep' it agoin'?
+    We 'd assumed with gret skill a commandin' position,
+    On this side or thet, no one could n't tell wich one,
+    So, wutever side wipped, we 'd a chance at the plunder
+    An' could sue for infringin' our paytended thunder;
+    We were ready to vote fer whoever wuz eligible,
+    Ef on all pints at issoo he 'd stay unintelligible.
+    Wal, sposin' we hed to gulp down our perfessions,
+    We were ready to come out next mornin' with fresh ones;
+    Besides, ef we did, 't was our business alone,
+    Fer could n't we du wut we would with our own?
+    An' ef a man can, wen pervisions hev riz so,
+    Eat up his own words, it 's a marcy it is so.
+
+    Wy, these chaps from the North, with back-bones to 'em, darn 'em,
+    'Ould be wuth more 'an Gennle Tom Thumb is to Barnum;
+    Ther 's enough thet to office on this very plan grow,
+    By exhibitin' how very small a man can grow;
+    But an M. C. frum here ollers hastens to state he
+    Belongs to the order called invertebraty,
+    Wence some gret filologists judge primy fashy
+    Thet M. C. is M. T. by paronomashy;
+    An' these few exceptions air _loosus naytury_
+    Folks 'ould put down their quarters to stare at, like fury.
+
+    It 's no use to open the door o' success,
+    Ef a member can bolt so fer nothin' or less;
+    Wy, all o' them grand constitootional pillers
+    Our four fathers fetched with 'em over the billers,
+    Them pillers the people so soundly hev slept on,
+    Wile to slav'ry, invasion, an' debt they were swept on,
+    Wile our Destiny higher an' higher kep' mountin'
+    (Though I guess folks 'll stare wen she hends her account in),
+    Ef members in this way go kickin' agin 'em,
+    They wunt hev so much ez a feather left in 'em.
+
+    An', ez fer this Palfrey,[15] we thought wen we 'd gut him in,
+    He 'd go kindly in wutever harness we put him in;
+    Supposin' we _did_ know thet he wuz a peace man?
+    Does he think he can be Uncle Samwell's policeman,
+    An' wen Sam gits tipsy an' kicks up a riot,
+    Lead him off to the lockup to snooze till he 's quiet?
+    Wy, the war is a war thet true paytriots can bear, ef
+    It leads to the fat promised land of a tayriff;
+    _We_ don't go an' fight it, nor aint to be driv on,
+    Nor Demmercrats nuther, thet hev wut to live on;
+    Ef it aint jest the thing thet 's well pleasin' to God,
+    It makes us thought highly on elsewhere abroad;
+    The Rooshian black eagle looks blue in his eerie
+    An' shakes both his heads wen he hears o' Monteery;
+    Wile in the Tower Victory sets, all of a fluster,
+    An' reads, with locked doors, how we won Cherry Buster;
+    An' old Philip Lewis--thet come an' kep' school here
+    Fer the mere sake o' scorin' his ryalist ruler
+    On the tenderest part of our kings _in futuro_--
+    Hides his crown underneath an old shut in his bureau
+    Breaks off in his brags to a suckle o' merry kings,
+    How he often hed hided young native Amerrikins,
+    An', turnin' quite faint in the midst of his fooleries,
+    Sneaks down stairs to bolt the front door o' the Tooleries.[16]
+
+    You say,--"We 'd ha' scared 'em by growin' in peace,
+    A plaguy sight more then by bobberies like these"?
+    Who is it dares say thet "our naytional eagle
+    Wun't much longer be classed with the birds thet air regal,
+    Coz theirn be hooked beaks, an' she, arter this slaughter,
+    'll bring back a bill ten times longer 'n she ough' to"?
+    Wut 's your name? Come, I see ye, you up-country feller,
+    You 've put me out severil times with your beller;
+    Out with it! Wut? Biglow? I say nothin' furder,
+    Thet feller would like nothin' better 'n a murder;
+    He 's a traiter, blasphemer, an' wut ruther worse is,
+    He put all his ath'ism in dreffle bad verses;
+    Socity aint safe till sech monsters air out on it,
+    Refer to the Post, ef you hev the least doubt on it;
+    Wy, he goes agin war, agin indirect taxes,
+    Agin sellin' wild lands 'cept to settlers with axes,
+    Agin holdin' o' slaves, though he knows it 's the corner
+    Our libbaty rests on, the mis'able scorner!
+    In short, he would wholly upset with his ravages
+    All thet keeps us above the brute critters an' savages,
+    An' pitch into all kinds o' briles an' confusions
+    The holl of our civilized, free institutions;
+    He writes fer thet rather unsafe print, the Courier,
+    An' likely ez not hez a squintin' to Foorier;
+    I 'll be ----, thet is, I mean I 'll be blest,
+    Ef I hark to a word frum so noted a pest;
+    I shan't talk with _him_, my religion 's too fervent.--
+    Good mornin', my friends, I 'm your most humble servant.
+
+
+[Into the question, whether the ability to express ourselves in
+articulate language has been productive of more good or evil, I shall
+not here enter at large. The two faculties of speech and of
+speech-making are wholly diverse in their natures. By the first we make
+ourselves intelligible, by the last unintelligible, to our fellows. It
+has not seldom occurred to me (noting how in our national legislature
+everything runs to talk, as lettuces, if the season or the soil be
+unpropitious, shoot up lankly to seed, instead of forming handsome
+heads) that Babel was the first Congress, the earliest mill erected for
+the manufacture of gabble. In these days, what with Town Meetings,
+School Committees, Boards (lumber) of one kind and another, Congresses,
+Parliaments, Diets, Indian Councils, Palavers, and the like, there is
+scarce a village which has not its factories of this description driven
+by (milk-and-) water power. I cannot conceive the confusion of tongues
+to have been the curse of Babel, since I esteem my ignorance of other
+languages as a kind of Martello-tower, in which I am safe from the
+furious bombardments of foreign garrulity. For this reason I have ever
+preferred the study of the dead languages, those primitive formations
+being Ararats upon whose silent peaks I sit secure and watch this new
+deluge without fear, though it rain figures (_simulacra_, semblances) of
+speech forty days and nights together, as it not uncommonly happens.
+Thus is my coat, as it were, without buttons by which any but a
+vernacular wild bore can seize me. Is it not possible that the Shakers
+may intend to convey a quiet reproof and hint, in fastening their outer
+garments with hooks and eyes?
+
+This reflection concerning Babel, which I find in no Commentary, was
+first thrown upon my mind when an excellent deacon of my congregation
+(being infected with the Second Advent delusion) assured me that he had
+received a first instalment of the gift of tongues as a small earnest of
+larger possessions in the like kind to follow. For, of a truth, I could
+not reconcile it with my ideas of the Divine justice and mercy that the
+single wall which protected people of other languages from the
+incursions of this otherwise well-meaning propagandist should be broken
+down.
+
+In reading Congressional debates, I have fancied, that, after the
+subsidence of those painful buzzings in the brain which result from such
+exercises, I detected a slender residuum of valuable information. I made
+the discovery that _nothing_ takes longer in the saying than anything
+else, for, as _ex nihilo nihil fit_, so from one polypus _nothing_ any
+number of similar ones may be produced. I would recommend to the
+attention of _viva voce_ debaters and controversialists the admirable
+example of the monk Copres, who, in the fourth century, stood for half
+an hour in the midst of a great fire, and thereby silenced a Manichaean
+antagonist who had less of the salamander in him. As for those who
+quarrel in print, I have no concern with them here, since the eyelids
+are a Divinely-granted shield against all such. Moreover, I have
+observed in many modern books that the printed portion is becoming
+gradually smaller, and the number of blank or fly-leaves (as they are
+called) greater. Should this fortunate tendency of literature continue,
+books will grow more valuable from year to year, and the whole Serbonian
+bog yield to the advances of firm arable land.
+
+I have wondered, in the Representatives' Chamber of our own
+Commonwealth, to mark how little impression seemed to be produced by
+that emblematic fish suspended over the heads of the members. Our wiser
+ancestors, no doubt, hung it there as being the animal which the
+Pythagoreans reverenced for its silence, and which certainly in that
+particular does not so well merit the epithet _cold-blooded_, by which
+naturalists distinguish it, as certain bipeds, afflicted with
+ditch-water on the brain, who take occasion to tap themselves in Fanueil
+Halls, meeting-houses, and other places of public resort.--H. W.]
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[13] The speaker is of a different mind from Tully, who, in his recently
+discovered tractate _De Republica_, tells us,--_Nec vero habere virtutem
+satis est, quasi artem aliquam, nisi utare_, and from our Milton, who
+says,--"I cannot praise a fugitive and cloistered virtue, unexercised
+and unbreathed, that never sallies out and sees her adversary, but
+slinks out of the race where that immortal garland is to be run for,
+_not without dust and heat_."--_Areop._ He had taken the words out of
+the Roman's mouth, without knowing it, and might well exclaim with
+Austin (if saint's name may stand sponsor for a curse). _Pereant qui
+ante nos nostra dixerint!_--H. W.
+
+[14] That was a pithy saying of Persius, and fits our politicians
+without a wrinkle,--_Magister artis, ingeniique largitor venter._--H. W.
+
+[15] There is truth yet in this of Juvenal,--
+
+    "Dat veniam corvis, vexat censura columbas."
+
+[16] Jortin is willing to allow of other miracles besides those recorded
+in Holy Writ, and why not of other prophecies? It is granting too much
+to Satan to suppose him, as divers of the learned have done, the
+inspirer of the ancient oracles. Wiser, I esteem it, to give chance the
+credit of the successful ones. What is said here of Louis Philippe was
+verified in some of its minute particulars within a few months' time.
+Enough to have made the fortune of Delphi or Ammon, and no thanks to
+Beelzebub neither! That of Seneca in Medea will suit here:--
+
+          "Rapida fortuna ac levis,
+    Praecepsque regno eripuit, exsilio dedit."
+
+Let us allow, even to richly deserved misfortune, our commiseration, and
+be not overhasty meanwhile in our censure of the French people, left for
+the first time to govern themselves, remembering that wise sentence of
+AEschylus,--
+
+    {Hapas de trachys hostis an neon krate.}                 H. W.
+
+
+
+
+No. V.
+
+THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT
+
+ SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME.
+
+
+[The incident which gave rise to the debate satirized in the following
+verses was the unsuccessful attempt of Drayton and Sayres to give
+freedom to seventy men and women, fellow-beings and fellow-Christians.
+Had Tripoli, instead of Washington, been the scene of this undertaking,
+the unhappy leaders in it would have been as secure of the theoretic as
+they now are of the practical part of martyrdom. I question whether the
+Dey of Tripoli is blessed with a District Attorney so benighted as ours
+at the seat of government. Very fitly is he named Key, who would allow
+himself to be made the instrument of locking the door of hope against
+sufferers in such a cause. Not all the waters of the ocean can cleanse
+the vile smutch of the jailer's fingers from off that little Key.
+_Ahenea clavis_, a brazen Key indeed!
+
+Mr. Calhoun, who is made the chief speaker in this burlesque, seems to
+think that the light of the nineteenth century is to be put out as soon
+as he tinkles his little cow-bell curfew. Whenever slavery is touched,
+he sets up his scarecrow of dissolving the Union. This may do for the
+North, but I should conjecture that something more than a
+pumpkin-lantern is required to scare manifest and irretrievable Destiny
+out of her path. Mr. Calhoun cannot let go the apron-string of the Past.
+The Past is a good nurse, but we must be weaned from her sooner or
+later, even though, like Plotinus, we should run home from school to ask
+the breast, after we are tolerably well-grown youths. It will not do for
+us to hide our faces in her lap, whenever the strange Future holds out
+her arms and asks us to come to her.
+
+But we are all alike. We have all heard it said, often enough, that
+little boys must not play with fire; and yet, if the matches be taken
+away from us and put out of reach upon the shelf, we must needs get into
+our little corner, and scowl and stamp and threaten the dire revenge of
+going to bed without our supper. The world shall stop till we get our
+dangerous plaything again. Dame Earth, meanwhile, who has more than
+enough household matters to mind, goes bustling hither and thither as a
+hiss or a sputter tells her that this or that kettle of hers is boiling
+over, and before bedtime we are glad to eat our porridge cold, and gulp
+down our dignity along with it.
+
+Mr. Calhoun has somehow acquired the name of a great statesman, and, if
+it be great statesmanship to put lance in rest and run a tilt at the
+Spirit of the Age with the certainty of being next moment hurled neck
+and heels into the dust amid universal laughter, he deserves the title.
+He is the Sir Kay of our modern chivalry. He should remember the old
+Scandinavian mythus. Thor was the strongest of gods, but he could not
+wrestle with Time, nor so much as lift up a fold of the great snake
+which knit the universe together; and when he smote the Earth, though
+with his terrible mallet, it was but as if a leaf had fallen. Yet all
+the while it seemed to Thor that he had only been wrestling with an old
+woman, striving to lift a cat, and striking a stupid giant on the head.
+
+And in old times, doubtless, the giants _were_ stupid, and there was no
+better sport for the Sir Launcelots and Sir Gawains than to go about
+cutting off their great blundering heads with enchanted swords. But
+things have wonderfully changed. It is the giants, now-a-days, that have
+the science and the intelligence, while the chivalrous Don Quixotes of
+Conservatism still cumber themselves with the clumsy armour of a by-gone
+age. On whirls the restless globe through unsounded time, with its
+cities and its silences, its births and funerals, half light, half
+shade, but never wholly dark, and sure to swing round into the happy
+morning at last. With an involuntary smile, one sees Mr. Calhoun letting
+slip his pack-thread cable with a crooked pin at the end of it to anchor
+South Carolina upon the bank and shoal of the Past.--H. W.]
+
+
+TO MR. BUCKENAM.
+
+MR. EDITER, As i wuz kinder prunin round, in a little nussry sot out a
+year or 2 a go, the Dbait in the sennit cum inter my mine An so i took &
+Sot it to wut I call a nussry rime. I hev made sum onnable Gentlemun
+speak that dident speak in a Kind uv Poetikul lie sense the seeson is
+dreffle backerd up This way
+
+                                         ewers as ushul
+
+                                                     HOSEA BIGLOW.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "Here we stan' on the Constitution, by thunder!
+      It 's a fact o' wich ther 's bushils o' proofs;
+    Fer how could we trample on 't so, I wonder,
+      Ef't worn't thet it 's oilers under our hoofs?"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;
+            "Human rights haint no more
+            Right to come on this floor,
+        No more 'n the man in the moon," sez he.
+
+    "The North haint no kind o' bisness with nothin',
+      An' you 've no idee how much bother it saves;
+    We aint none riled by their frettin' an' frothin',
+      We 're _used_ to layin' the string on our slaves,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Mister Foote,
+            "I should like to shoot
+        The holl gang, by the gret horn spoon!" sez he.
+
+    "Freedom's Keystone is Slavery, thet ther 's no doubt on,
+      It 's sutthin' thet 's--wha' d' ye call it?--divine,--
+    An' the slaves thet we ollers _make_ the most out on
+      Air them north o' Mason an' Dixon's line,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Fer all thet," sez Mangum,
+            "'T would be better to hang 'em,
+        An' so git red on 'em soon," sez he.
+
+    "The mass ough' to labour an' we lay on soffies,
+      Thet 's the reason I want to spread Freedom's aree;
+    It puts all the cunninest on us in office,
+      An' reelises our Maker's orig'nal idee,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Thet 's ez plain," sez Cass,
+            "Ez thet some one 's an ass,
+        It 's ez clear ez the sun is at noon," sez he.
+
+    "Now don't go to say I 'm the friend of oppression,
+      But keep all your spare breath fer coolin' your broth,
+    Fer I ollers hev strove (at least thet 's my impression)
+      To make cussed free with the rights o' the North,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Yes," sez Davis o' Miss.,
+            "The perfection o' bliss
+        Is in skinnin' thet same old coon," sez he.
+
+    "Slavery 's a thing thet depends on complexion,
+      It 's God's law thet fetters on black skins don't chafe;
+    Ef brains wuz to settle it (horrid reflection!)
+      Wich of our onnable body 'd be safe?"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Mister Hannegan,
+            Afore he began agin,
+        "Thet exception is quite oppertoon," sez he.
+
+    "Gen'nle Cass, Sir, you need n't be twitchin' your collar,
+      _Your_ merit 's quite clear by the dut on your knees,
+    At the North we don't make no distinctions o' colour;
+      You can all take a lick at our shoes wen you please,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Mister Jarnagin,
+            "They wunt hev to larn agin,
+        They all on 'em know the old toon," sez he.
+
+    "The slavery question aint no ways bewilderin'.
+      North an' South hev one int'rest, it 's plain to a glance;
+    No'thern men, like us patriarchs, don't sell their childrin,
+      But they _du_ sell themselves, ef they git a good chance,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            Sez Atherton here,
+            "This is gittin' severe,
+        I wish I could dive like a loon," sez he.
+
+    "It 'll break up the Union, this talk about freedom,
+      An' your fact'ry gals (soon ez we split) 'll make head,
+    An' gittin' some Miss chief or other to lead 'em,
+      'll go to work raisin' promiscoous Ned,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Yes, the North," sez Colquitt,
+            "Ef we Southerners all quit,
+        Would go down like a busted balloon," sez he.
+
+    "Jest look wut is doin', wut annyky 's brewin'
+      In the beautiful clime o' the olive an' vine,
+    All the wise aristoxy is tumblin' to ruin,
+      An' the sankylots drorin' an' drinkin' their wine,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Yes," sez Johnson, "in France
+            They 're beginnin' to dance
+        Beelzebub's own rigadoon," sez he.
+
+    "The South 's safe enough, it don't feel a mite skeery,
+      Our slaves in their darkness an' dut air tu blest
+    Not to welcome with proud hallylugers the ery
+      Wen our eagle kicks yourn from the naytional nest,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "O," sez Westcott o' Florida,
+            "Wut treason is horrider
+        Then our priv'leges tryin' to proon?" sez he.
+
+    "It 's 'coz they 're so happy, thet, wen crazy sarpints
+      Stick their nose in our bizness, we git so darned riled;
+    We think it 's our dooty to give pooty sharp hints,
+      Thet the last crumb of Edin on airth shan't be spiled,"
+        Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
+            "Ah," sez Dixon H. Lewis,
+            "It perfectly true is
+        Thet slavery 's airth's grettest boon," sez he.
+
+
+[It was said of old time, that riches have wings; and, though this be
+not applicable in a literal strictness to the wealth of our patriarchal
+brethren of the South, yet it is clear that their possessions have legs,
+and an unaccountable propensity for using them in a northerly direction.
+I marvel that the grand jury of Washington did not find a true bill
+against the North Star for aiding and abetting Drayton and Sayres. It
+would have been quite of a piece with the intelligence displayed by the
+South on other questions connected with slavery. I think that no ship of
+state was ever freighted with a more veritable Jonah than this same
+domestic institution of ours. Mephistopheles himself could not feign so
+bitterly, so satirically sad a sight as this of three millions of human
+beings crushed beyond help or hope by this one mighty argument,--_Our
+fathers knew no better!_ Nevertheless, it is the unavoidable destiny of
+Jonahs to be cast overboard sooner or later. Or shall we try the
+experiment of hiding our Jonah in a safe place, that none may lay hands
+on him to make jetsam of him? Let us, then, with equal forethought and
+wisdom, lash ourselves to the anchor, and await, in pious confidence,
+the certain result. Perhaps our suspicious passenger is no Jonah after
+all, being black. For it is well known that a superintending Providence
+made a kind of sandwich of Ham and his descendants, to be devoured by
+the Caucasian race.
+
+In God's name, let all, who hear nearer and nearer the hungry moan of
+the storm and the growl of the breakers, speak out! But, alas! we have
+no right to interfere. If a man pluck an apple of mine, he shall be in
+danger of the justice; but if he steal my brother, I must be silent. Who
+says this? Our Constitution, consecrated by the callous suetude of sixty
+years, and grasped in triumphant argument in the left hand of him whose
+right hand clutches the clotted slave-whip. Justice, venerable with the
+undethronable majesty of countless aeons, says,--SPEAK! The Past, wise
+with the sorrows and desolations of ages, from amid her shattered fanes
+and wolf-housing palaces, echoes,--SPEAK! Nature, through her thousand
+trumpets of freedom, her stars, her sunrises, her seas, her winds, her
+cataracts, her mountains blue with cloudy pines, blows jubilant
+encouragement, and cries,--SPEAK! From the soul's trembling abysses the
+still, small voice not vaguely murmurs,--SPEAK! But, alas! the
+Constitution and the Honourable Mr. Bagowind, M.C., say,--BE DUMB!
+
+It occurs to me to suggest, as a topic of inquiry in this connexion,
+whether, on that momentous occasion when the goats and the sheep shall
+be parted, the Constitution and the Honourable Mr. Bagowind, M.C., will
+be expected to take their places on the left as our hircine vicars.
+
+    _Quia sum miser tunc dicturus?
+    Quem patronum rogaturus?_
+
+There is a point where toleration sinks into sheer baseness and
+poltroonery. The toleration of the worst leads us to look on what is
+barely better as good enough, and to worship what is only moderately
+good. Woe to that man, or that nation, to whom mediocrity has become an
+ideal!
+
+Has our experiment of self-government succeeded, if it barely manage to
+_rub and go_? Here, now, is a piece of barbarism which Christ and the
+nineteenth century say shall cease, and which Messrs. Smith, Brown, and
+others say shall _not_ cease. I would by no means deny the eminent
+respectability of these gentlemen, but I confess, that, in such a
+wrestling-match, I cannot help having my fears for them.
+
+    _Discite justitiam, moniti, et non temnere divos._
+
+                                                            H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. VI.
+
+THE PIOUS EDITOR'S CREED.
+
+
+[At the special instance of Mr. Biglow, I preface the following satire
+with an extract from a sermon preached during the past summer, from
+Ezekiel xxxiv. 2:--"Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of
+Israel." Since the Sabbath on which this discourse was delivered, the
+editor of the "Jaalam Independent Blunderbuss" has unaccountably
+absented himself from our house of worship.
+
+"I know of no so responsible position as that of the public journalist.
+The editor of our day bears the same relation to his time that the clerk
+bore to the age before the invention of printing. Indeed, the position
+which he holds is that which the clergyman should hold even now. But the
+clergyman chooses to walk off to the extreme edge of the world, and to
+throw such seed as he has clear over into that darkness which he calls
+the Next Life. As if _next_ did not mean _nearest_, and as if any life
+were nearer than that immediately present one which boils and eddies all
+around him at the caucus, the ratification meeting, and the polls! Who
+taught him to exhort men to prepare for eternity, as for some future era
+of which the present forms no integral part? The furrow which Time is
+even now turning runs through the Everlasting, and in that must he plant
+or nowhere. Yet he would fain believe and teach that we are _going_ to
+have more of eternity than we have now. This _going_ of his is like that
+of the auctioneer, on which _gone_ follows before we have made up our
+minds to bid,--in which manner, not three months back, I lost an
+excellent copy of Chappelow on Job. So it has come to pass that the
+preacher, instead of being a living force, has faded into an emblematic
+figure at christenings, weddings, and funerals. Or, if he exercise any
+other function, it is as keeper and feeder of certain theologic dogmas,
+which, when occasion offers, he unkennels with a _staboy!_ 'to bark and
+bite as 'tis their nature to,' whence that reproach of _odium
+theologicum_ has arisen.
+
+"Meanwhile, see what a pulpit the editor mounts daily, sometimes with a
+congregation of fifty thousand within reach of his voice, and never so
+much as a nodder, even, among them! And from what a Bible can he choose
+his text,--a Bible which needs no translation, and which no priestcraft
+can shut and clasp from the laity,--the open volume of the world, upon
+which, with a pen of sunshine or destroying fire, the inspired Present
+is even now writing the annals of God! Methinks the editor who should
+understand his calling, and be equal thereto, would truly deserve that
+title of {poimen laon}, which Homer bestows upon princes. He would be
+the Moses of our nineteenth century; and whereas the old Sinai, silent
+now, is but a common mountain, stared at by the elegant tourist and
+crawled over by the hammering geologist, he must find his tables of the
+new law here among factories and cities in this Wilderness of Sin
+(Numbers xxxiii. 12) called Progress of Civilization, and be the captain
+of our Exodus into the Canaan of a truer social order.
+
+"Nevertheless, our editor will not come so far within even the shadow of
+Sinai as Mahomet did, but chooses rather to construe Moses by Joe Smith.
+He takes up the crook, not that the sheep may be fed, but that he may
+never want a warm woollen suit and a joint of mutton.
+
+    _Immemor, O, fidei, pecorumque oblite tuorum!_
+
+For which reason I would derive the name _editor_ not so much from
+_edo_, to publish, as from _edo_, to eat, that being the peculiar
+profession to which he esteems himself called. He blows up the flames of
+political discord for no other occasion than that he may thereby handily
+boil his own pot. I believe there are two thousand of these
+mutton-loving shepherds in the United States; and of these, how many
+have even the dimmest perception of their immense power, and the duties
+consequent thereon? Here and there, haply, one. Nine hundred and
+ninety-nine labour to impress upon the people the great principles of
+_Tweedledum_, and other nine hundred and ninety-nine preach with equal
+earnestness the gospel according to _Tweedledee_."--H. W.]
+
+
+    I du believe in Freedom's cause,
+      Ez fur away ez Paris is;
+    I love to see her stick her claws
+      In them infarnal Pharisees;
+    It 's wal enough agin a king
+      To dror resolves an' triggers,--
+    But libbaty 's a kind o' thing
+      Thet don't agree with niggers.
+
+    I du believe the people want
+      A tax on teas an' coffees,
+    Thet nothin' aint extravygunt,--
+      Purvidin' I 'm in office;
+    Fer I hev loved my country sence
+      My eye-teeth filled their sockets,
+    An' Uncle Sam I reverence,
+      Partic'larly his pockets.
+
+    I du believe in _any_ plan
+      O' levyin' the taxes,
+    Ez long ez, like a lumberman,
+      I git jest wut I axes:
+    I go free-trade thru thick an' thin,
+      Because it kind o' rouses
+    The folks to vote,--an' keeps us in
+      Our quiet custom-houses.
+
+    I du believe it 's wise an' good
+      To sen' out furrin missions,
+    Thet is, on sartin understood
+      An' orthydox conditions;--
+    I mean nine thousan' dolls. per ann.,
+      Nine thousan' more fer outfit,
+    An' me to recommend a man
+      The place 'ould jest about fit.
+
+    I du believe in special ways
+      O' prayin' an' convartin';
+    The bread comes back in many days,
+      An' buttered, tu, fer sartin;--
+    I mean in preyin' till one busts
+      On wut the party chooses,
+    An' in convartin' public trusts
+      To very privit uses.
+
+    I du believe hard coin the stuff
+      Fer 'lectioneers to spout on;
+    The people 's ollers soft enough
+      To make hard money out on;
+    Dear Uncle Sam pervides fer his,
+      An' gives a good-sized junk to all,--
+    I don't care _how_ hard money is,
+      Ez long ez mine 's paid punctooal.
+
+    I du believe with all my soul
+      In the gret Press's freedom,
+    To pint the people to the goal
+      An' in the traces lead 'em;
+    Palsied the arm thet forges yokes
+      At my fat contracts squintin',
+    An' withered be the nose thet pokes
+      Inter the gov'ment printin'!
+
+    I du believe thet I should give
+      Wut 's his'n unto Caesar,
+    Fer it 's by him I move an' live,
+      From him my bread an' cheese air;
+    I du believe thet all o' me
+      Doth bear his souperscription,--
+    Will, conscience, honour, honesty,
+      An' things o' thet description.
+
+    I du believe in prayer an' praise
+      To him thet hez the grantin'
+    O' jobs,--in every thin' thet pays,
+      But most of all in CANTIN';
+    This doth my cup with marcies fill,
+      This lays all thought o' sin to rest,--
+    I _don't_ believe in princerple,
+      But, O, I _du_ in interest.
+
+    I du believe in bein' this
+      Or thet, ez it may happen
+    One way or t'other hendiest is
+      To ketch the people nappin';
+    It aint by princerples nor men
+      My preudunt course is steadied,--
+    I scent wich pays the best, an' then
+      Go into it baldheaded.
+
+    I du believe thet holdin' slaves
+      Comes nat'ral tu a Presidunt,
+    Let 'lone the rowdedow it saves
+      To hev a wal-broke precedunt;
+    Fer any office, small or gret,
+      I could n't ax with no face,
+    Without I 'd ben, thru dry an' wet,
+      Th' unrizzest kind o' doughface.
+
+    I du believe wutever trash
+      'll keep the people in blindness,--
+    Thet we the Mexicuns can thrash
+      Right inter brotherly kindness,
+    Thet bombshells, grape, an' powder 'n' ball
+      Air good-will's strongest magnets,
+    Thet peace, to make it stick at all,
+      Must be druv in with bagnets.
+
+    In short, I firmly du believe
+      In Humbug generally,
+    Fer it 's a thing thet I perceive
+      To hev a solid vally;
+    This heth my faithful shepherd ben,
+      In pasturs sweet heth led me,
+    An' this 'll keep the people green
+      To feed ez they hev fed me.
+
+
+[I subjoin here another passage from my before-mentioned discourse.
+
+"Wonderful, to him that has eyes to see it rightly, is the newspaper. To
+me, for example, sitting on the critical front bench of the pit, in my
+study here in Jaalam, the advent of my weekly journal is as that of a
+strolling theatre, or rather of a puppet-show, on whose stage, narrow as
+it is, the tragedy, comedy, and farce of life are played in little.
+Behold the whole huge earth sent to me hebdomadally in a brown-paper
+wrapper!
+
+"Hither, to my obscure corner, by wind or steam, on horse-back or
+dromedary-back, in the pouch of the Indian runner, or clicking over the
+magnetic wires, troop all the famous performers from the four quarters
+of the globe. Looked at from a point of criticism, tiny puppets they
+seem all, as the editor sets up his booth upon my desk and officiates as
+showman. Now I can truly see how little and transitory is life. The
+earth appears almost as a drop of vinegar, on which the solar microscope
+of the imagination must be brought to bear in order to make out any
+thing distinctly. That animalcule there, in the pea-jacket, is Louis
+Philippe, just landed on the coast of England. That other, in the grey
+surtout and cocked hat, is Napoleon Bonaparte Smith, assuring France
+that she need apprehend no interference from him in the present alarming
+juncture. At that spot, where you seem to see a speck of something in
+motion, is an immense mass-meeting. Look sharper, and you will see a
+mite brandishing his mandibles in an excited manner. That is the great
+Mr. Soandso, defining his position amid tumultuous and irrepressible
+cheers. That infinitesimal creature, upon whom some score of others, as
+minute as he, are gazing in open-mouthed admiration, is a famous
+philosopher, expounding to a select audience their capacity for the
+Infinite. That scarce discernible pufflet of smoke and dust is a
+revolution. That speck there is a reformer, just arranging the lever
+with which he is to move the world. And lo, there creeps forward the
+shadow of a skeleton that blows one breath between its grinning teeth,
+and all our distinguished actors are whisked off the slippery stage into
+the dark Beyond.
+
+"Yes, the little show-box has its solemner suggestions. Now and then we
+catch a glimpse of a grim old man, who lays down a scythe and
+hour-glass in the corner while he shifts the scenes. There, too, in the
+dim background, a weird shape is ever delving. Sometimes he leans upon
+his mattock, and gazes, as a coach whirls by, bearing the newly married
+on their wedding jaunt, or glances carelessly at a babe brought home
+from christening. Suddenly (for the scene grows larger and larger as we
+look) a bony hand snatches back a performer in the midst of his part,
+and him, whom yesterday two infinities (past and future) would not
+suffice, a handful of dust is enough to cover and silence for ever. Nay,
+we see the same fleshless fingers opening to clutch the showman himself,
+and guess, not without a shudder, that they are lying in wait for
+spectator also.
+
+"Think of it: for three dollars a year I buy a season-ticket to this
+great Globe Theatre, for which God would write the dramas (only that we
+like farces, spectacles, and the tragedies of Apollyon better), whose
+scene-shifter is Time, and whose curtain is rung down by Death.
+
+"Such thoughts will occur to me sometimes as I am tearing off the
+wrapper of my newspaper. Then suddenly that otherwise too often vacant
+sheet becomes invested for me with a strange kind of awe. Look! deaths
+and marriages, notices of inventions, discoveries, and books, lists of
+promotions, of killed, wounded, and missing, news of fires, accidents,
+of sudden wealth and as sudden poverty;--I hold in my hand the ends of
+myriad invisible electric conductors, along which tremble the joys,
+sorrows, wrongs, triumphs, hopes, and despairs of as many men and women
+everywhere. So that upon that mood of mind which seems to isolate me
+from mankind as a spectator of their puppet-pranks, another supervenes,
+in which I feel that I, too, unknown and unheard of, am yet of some
+import to my fellows. For, through my newspaper here, do not families
+take pains to send me, an entire stranger, news of a death among them?
+Are not here two who would have me know of their marriage? And strangest
+of all, is not this singular person anxious to have me informed that he
+has received a fresh supply of Dimitry Bruisgins? But to none of us does
+the Present (even if for a moment discerned as such) continue
+miraculous. We glance carelessly at the sunrise, and get used to Orion
+and the Pleiades. The wonder wears off, and to-morrow this sheet, in
+which a vision was let down to me from Heaven, shall be the wrappage to
+a bar of soap or the platter for a beggar's broken victuals."--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. VII.
+
+A LETTER
+
+ FROM A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN ANSWER TO SUTTIN
+   QUESTIONS PROPOSED BY MR. HOSEA BIGLOW, INCLOSED IN
+   A NOTE FROM MR. BIGLOW TO S. H. GAY, ESQ., EDITOR OF
+   THE NATIONAL ANTISLAVERY STANDARD.
+
+
+[Curiosity may be said to be the quality which pre-eminently
+distinguishes and segregates man from the lower animals. As we trace the
+scale of animated nature downward, we find this faculty of the mind (as
+it may truly be called) diminished in the savage, and quite extinct in
+the brute. The first object which civilized man proposes to himself I
+take to be the finding out whatsoever he can concerning his neighbours.
+_Nihil humanum a me alienum puto_; I am curious about even John Smith.
+The desire next in strength to this (an opposite pole, indeed, of the
+same magnet) is that of communicating intelligence.
+
+Men in general may be divided into the inquisitive and the
+communicative. To the first class belong Peeping Toms, eaves-droppers,
+navel-contemplating Brahmins, metaphysicians, travellers, Empedocleses,
+spies, the various societies for promoting Rhinothism, Columbuses,
+Yankees, discoverers, and men of science, who present themselves to the
+mind as so many marks of interrogation wandering up and down the world,
+or sitting in studies and laboratories. The second class I should again
+subdivide into four. In the first subdivision I would rank those who
+have an itch to tell us about themselves,--as keepers of diaries,
+insignificant persons generally, Montaignes, Horace Walpoles,
+autobiographers, poets. The second includes those who are anxious to
+impart information concerning other people,--as historians, barbers, and
+such. To the third belong those who labour to give us intelligence about
+nothing at all,--as novelists, political orators, the large majority of
+authors, preachers, lecturers, and the like. In the fourth come those
+who are communicative from motives of public benevolence,--as finders of
+mares'-nests and bringers of ill news. Each of us two-legged fowls
+without feathers embraces all these subdivisions in himself to a greater
+or less degree, for none of us so much as lays an egg, or incubates a
+chalk one, but straightway the whole barn-yard shall know it by our
+cackle or our cluck. _Omnibus hoc vitium est._ There are different
+grades in all these classes. One will turn his telescope toward a
+back-yard, another toward Uranus; one will tell you that he dined with
+Smith, another that he supped with Plato. In one particular, all men may
+be considered as belonging to the first grand division, inasmuch as they
+all seem equally desirous of discovering the mote in their neighbour's
+eye.
+
+To one or another of these species every human being may safely be
+referred. I think it beyond a peradventure that Jonah prosecuted some
+inquiries into the digestive apparatus of whales, and that Noah sealed
+up a letter in an empty bottle, that news in regard to him might not be
+wanting in case of the worst. They had else been super or subter human.
+I conceive, also, that, as there are certain persons who continually
+peep and pry at the key-hole of that mysterious door through which,
+sooner or later, we all make our exits, so there are doubtless ghosts
+fidgeting and fretting on the other side of it, because they have no
+means of conveying back to the world the scraps of news they have picked
+up. For there is an answer ready somewhere to every question, the great
+law of _give and take_ runs through all nature, and if we see a hook, we
+may be sure that an eye is waiting for it. I read in every face I meet a
+standing advertisement of information wanted in regard to A. B., or that
+the friends of C. D. can hear of him by application to such a one.
+
+It was to gratify the two great passions of asking and answering, that
+epistolary correspondence was first invented. Letters (for by this
+usurped title epistles are now commonly known) are of several kinds.
+First, there are those which are not letters at all,--as letters patent,
+letters dimissory, letters inclosing bills, letters of administration,
+Pliny's letters, letters of diplomacy, of Cato, of Mentor, of Lords
+Lyttelton, Chesterfield, and Orrery, of Jacob Behmen, Seneca (whom St.
+Jerome includes in his list of sacred writers), letters from abroad,
+from sons in college to their fathers, letters of marque, and letters
+generally, which are in no wise letters of mark. Second, are real
+letters, such as those of Gray, Cowper, Walpole, Howel, Lamb, the first
+letters from children (printed in staggering capitals), Letters from New
+York, letters of credit, and others, interesting for the sake of the
+writer or the thing written. I have read also letters from Europe by a
+gentleman named Pinto, containing some curious gossip, and which I hope
+to see collected for the benefit of the curious. There are, besides,
+letters addressed to posterity,--as epitaphs, for example, written for
+their own monuments by monarchs, whereby we have lately become possessed
+of the names of several great conquerors and kings of kings, hitherto
+unheard of and still unpronounceable, but valuable to the student of the
+entirely dark ages. The letter which St. Peter sent to King Pepin in the
+year of grace 755 I would place in a class by itself, as also the
+letters of candidates, concerning which I shall dilate more fully in a
+note at the end of the following poem. At present, _sat prata
+biberunt_. Only, concerning the shape of letters, they are all either
+square or oblong, to which general figures circular letters and
+round-robins also conform themselves.--H. W.]
+
+
+DEER SIR its gut to be the fashun now to rite letters to the candid 8s
+and i wus chose at a publick Meetin in Jaalam to du wut wus nessary fur
+that town. i writ to 271 ginerals and gut ansers to 209. tha air called
+candid 8s but I don't see nothin candid about em. this here 1 wich I
+send wus thought satty's factory. I dunno as it's ushle to print
+Poscrips, but as all the ansers I got hed the saim, I sposed it wus
+best. times has gretly changed. Formaly to knock a man into a cocked hat
+wus to use him up, but now it ony gives him a chance fur the cheef
+madgustracy.--H. B.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    DEAR SIR,--You wish to know my notions
+      On sartin pints thet rile the land;
+    There 's nothin' thet my natur so shuns
+      Ez bein' mum or underhand;
+    I 'm a straight-spoken kind o' creetur
+      Thet blurts right out wut 's in his head,
+    An' ef I 've one pecooler feetur,
+      It is a nose thet wunt be led.
+
+    So, to begin at the beginnin',
+      An' come direcly to the pint,
+    I think the country's underpinnin'
+      Is some consid'ble out o' jint;
+    I aint agoin' to try your patience
+      By tellin' who done this or thet,
+    I don't make no insinooations,
+      I jest let on I smell a rat.
+
+    Thet is, I mean, it seems to me so,
+      But, ef the public think I 'm wrong,
+    I wunt deny but wut I be so,--
+      An', fact, it don't smell very strong;
+    My mind 's tu fair to lose its balance
+      An' say wich party hez most sense;
+    There may be folks o' greater talence
+      Thet can't set stiddier on the fence.
+
+    I 'm an eclectic; ez to choosin'
+      'Twixt this an' thet, I 'm plaguy lawth;
+    I leave a side thet looks like losin',
+      But (wile there 's doubt) I stick to both;
+    I stan' upon the Constitution,
+      Ez preudunt statesmun say, who 've planned
+    A way to git the most profusion
+      O' chances ez to _ware_ they 'll stand.
+
+    Ez fer the war, I go agin it,--
+      I mean to say I kind o' du,--
+    Thet is, I mean thet, bein' in it,
+      The best way wuz to fight it thru;
+    Not but wut abstract war is horrid,--
+      I sign to thet with all my heart,--
+    But civlyzation _doos_ git forrid
+      Sometimes upon a powder-cart.
+
+    About thet darned Proviso matter
+      I never hed a grain o' doubt,
+    Nor I aint one my sense to scatter
+      So 's no one could n't pick it out;
+    My love fer North an' South is equil,
+      So I 'll jest answer plump an' frank,
+    No matter wut may be the sequil,--
+      Yes, Sir, I _am_ agin a Bank.
+
+    Ez to the answerin' o' questions,
+      I 'm an off ox at bein' druv,
+    Though I aint one thet ary test shuns
+      'll give our folks a helpin' shove;
+    Kind o' promiscoous I go it
+      Fer the holl country, an' the ground
+    I take, ez nigh ez I can show it,
+      Is pooty gen'ally all round.
+
+    I don't appruve o' givin' pledges;
+      You 'd ough' to leave a feller free,
+    An' not go knockin' out the wedges
+      To ketch his fingers in the tree;
+    Pledges air awfle breachy cattle
+      Thet preudunt farmers don't turn out,--
+    Ez long 'z the people git their rattle,
+      Wut is there fer 'm to grout about?
+
+    Ez to the slaves, there 's no confusion
+      In _my_ idees consarnin' them,--
+    _I_ think they air an Institution,
+      A sort of--yes, jest so,--ahem:
+    Do _I_ own any? Of my merit
+      On thet pint you yourself may jedge;
+    All is, I never drink no sperit,
+      Nor I haint never signed no pledge.
+
+    Ez to my principles, I glory
+      In hevin' nothin' o' the sort;
+    I aint a Wig, I aint a Tory,
+      I 'm jest a candidate, in short;
+    Thet 's fair an' square an' parpendicler,
+      But, ef the Public cares a fig,
+    To hev me an' thin' in particler,
+      Wy I 'm a kind o' peri-wig.
+
+                      P. S.
+
+    Ez we 're a sort o' privateerin',
+      O' course, you know, it 's sheer an' sheer,
+    An' there is sutthin' wuth your hearin'
+      I 'll mention in _your_ privit ear;
+    Ef you git _me_ inside the White House,
+      Your head with ile I 'll kin' o' 'nint
+    By gittin' _you_ inside the Light-house
+      Down to the eend o' Jaalam Pint.
+
+    An' ez the North hez took to brustlin'
+      At bein' scrouged frum off the roost,
+    I 'll tell ye wut 'll save all tusslin'
+      An' give our side a harnsome boost,--
+    Tell 'em thet on the Slavery question
+      I 'm RIGHT, although to speak I 'm lawth;
+    This gives you a safe pint to rest on,
+      An' leaves me frontin' South by North.
+
+
+[And now of epistles candidatial, which are of two kinds,--namely,
+letters of acceptance, and letters definitive of position. Our republic,
+on the eve of an election, may safely enough be called a republic of
+letters. Epistolary composition becomes then an epidemic, which seizes
+one candidate after another, not seldom cutting short the thread of
+political life. It has come to such a pass, that a party dreads less the
+attacks of its opponents than a letter from its candidate. _Litera
+scripta manet_, and it will go hard if something bad cannot be made of
+it. General Harrison, it is well understood, was surrounded, during his
+candidacy, with the _cordon sanitaire_ of a vigilance committee. No
+prisoner in Spielberg was ever more cautiously deprived of writing
+materials. The soot was scraped carefully from the chimney-places;
+outposts of expert rifle-shooters rendered it sure death for any goose
+(who came clad in feathers) to approach within a certain limited
+distance of North Bend; and all domestic fowls about the premises were
+reduced to the condition of Plato's original man. By these precautions
+the General was saved. _Parva componere magnis_, I remember, that, when
+party-spirit once ran high among my people, upon occasion of the choice
+of a new deacon, I, having my preferences, yet not caring too openly to
+express them, made use of an innocent fraud to bring about that result
+which I deemed most desirable. My stratagem was no other than the
+throwing a copy of the Complete Letter-Writer in the way of the
+candidate whom I wished to defeat. He caught the infection, and
+addressed a short note to his constituents, in which the opposite party
+detected so many and so grave improprieties (he had modeled it upon the
+letter of a young lady accepting a proposal of marriage), that he not
+only lost his election, but, falling under a suspicion of Sabellianism
+and I know not what (the widow Endive assured me that he was a
+Paralipomenon, to her certain knowledge), was forced to leave the town.
+Thus it is that the letter killeth.
+
+The object which candidates propose to themselves in writing is to
+convey no meaning at all. And here is a quite unsuspected pitfall into
+which they successively plunge headlong. For it is precisely in such
+cryptographies that mankind are prone to seek for and find a wonderful
+amount and variety of significance. _Omne ignotum pro mirifico._ How do
+we admire at the antique world striving to crack those oracular nuts
+from Delphi, Ammon, and elsewhere, in only one of which can I so much
+as surmise that any kernel had ever lodged; that, namely, wherein Apollo
+confessed that he was mortal. One Didymus is, moreover, related to have
+written six thousand books on the single subject of grammar, a topic
+rendered only more tenebrific by the labours of his successors, and
+which seems still to possess an attraction for authors in proportion as
+they can make nothing of it. A singular loadstone for theologians, also,
+is the Beast in the Apocalypse, whereof, in the course of my studies, I
+have noted two hundred and three several interpretations, each
+lethiferal to all the rest. _Non nostrum est tantas componere lites_,
+yet I have myself ventured upon a two hundred and fourth, which I
+embodied in a discourse preached on occasion of the demise of the late
+usurper, Napoleon Bonaparte, and which quieted, in a large measure, the
+minds of my people. It is true that my views on this important point
+were ardently controverted by Mr. Shearjashub Holden, the then preceptor
+of our academy, and in other particulars a very deserving and sensible
+young man, though possessing a somewhat limited knowledge of the Greek
+tongue. But his heresy struck down no deep root, and, he having been
+lately removed by the hand of Providence, I had the satisfaction of
+re-affirming my cherished sentiments in a sermon preached upon the
+Lord's-day immediately succeeding his funeral. This might seem like
+taking an unfair advantage, did I not add that he had made provision in
+his last will (being celibate) for the publication of a posthumous
+tractate in support of his own dangerous opinions.
+
+I know of nothing in our modern times which approaches so nearly to the
+ancient oracle as the letter of a Presidential candidate. Now, among the
+Greeks, the eating of beans was strictly forbidden to all such as had it
+in mind to consult those expert amphibologists, and this same
+prohibition on the part of Pythagoras to his disciples is understood to
+imply an abstinence from politics, beans having been used as ballots.
+That other explication, _quod videlicet sensus eo cibo obtundi
+existimaret_, though supported _pugnis et calcibus_ by many of the
+learned, and not wanting the countenance of Cicero, is confuted by the
+larger experience of New England. On the whole, I think it safer to
+apply here the rule of interpretation which now generally obtains in
+regard to antique cosmogonies, myths, fables, proverbial expressions,
+and knotty points generally, which is, to find a common-sense meaning,
+and then select whatever can be imagined the most opposite thereto. In
+this way we arrive at the conclusion, that the Greeks objected to the
+questioning of candidates. And very properly, if, as I conceive, the
+chief point be not to discover what a person in that position is, or
+what he will do, but whether he can be elected. _Vos exemplaria Graeca
+nocturna versate manu, versate diurna._
+
+But, since an imitation of the Greeks in this particular (the asking of
+questions being one chief privilege of freemen) is hardly to be hoped
+for, and our candidates will answer, whether they are questioned or not,
+I would recommend that these ante-electionary dialogues should be
+carried on by symbols, as were the diplomatic correspondences of the
+Scythians and Macrobii, or confined to the language of signs, like the
+famous interview of Panurge and Goatsnose. A candidate might then convey
+a suitable reply to all committees of inquiry by closing one eye, or by
+presenting them with a phial of Egyptian darkness to be speculated upon
+by their respective constituencies. These answers would be susceptible
+of whatever retrospective construction the exigencies of the political
+campaign might seem to demand, and the candidate could take his position
+on either side of the fence with entire consistency. Or, if letters must
+be written, profitable use might be made of the Dighton rock
+hieroglyphic or the cuneiform script, every fresh decipherer of which is
+enabled to educe a different meaning, whereby a sculptured stone or two
+supplies us, and will probably continue to supply posterity, with a very
+vast and various body of authentic history. For even the briefest
+epistle in the ordinary chirography is dangerous. There is scarce any
+style so compressed that superfluous words may not be detected in it. A
+severe critic might curtail that famous brevity of Caesar's by two
+thirds, drawing his pen through the supererogatory _veni_ and _vidi_.
+Perhaps, after all, the surest footing of hope is to be found in the
+rapidly increasing tendency to demand less and less of qualification in
+candidates. Already have statesmanship, experience, and the possession
+(nay, the profession, even) of principles been rejected as superfluous,
+and may not the patriot reasonably hope that the ability to write will
+follow? At present, there may be death in pot-hooks as well as pots, the
+loop of a letter may suffice for a bow-string, and all the dreadful
+heresies of Anti-slavery may lurk in a flourish.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. VIII.
+
+A SECOND LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.
+
+
+[In the following epistle, we behold Mr. Sawin returning a _miles
+emeritus_, to the bosom of his family. _Quantum mutatus!_ The good
+Father of us all had doubtless entrusted to the keeping of this child of
+his certain faculties of a constructive kind. He had put in him a share
+of that vital force, the nicest economy of every minute atom of which is
+necessary to the perfect development of Humanity. He had given him a
+brain and heart, and so had equipped his soul with the two strong wings
+of knowledge and love, whereby it can mount to hang its nest under the
+eaves of heaven. And this child, so dowered, he had entrusted to the
+keeping of his vicar, the State. How stands the account of that
+stewardship? The State, or Society (call her by what name you will), had
+taken no manner of thought of him till she saw him swept out into the
+street, the pitiful leavings of last night's debauch, with cigar-ends,
+lemon-parings, tobacco-quids, slops, vile stenches, and the whole
+loathsome next-morning of the bar-room,--an own child of the Almighty
+God! I remember him as he was brought to be christened, a ruddy, rugged
+babe; and now there he wallows, reeking, seething,--the dead corpse, not
+of a man, but of a soul,--a putrefying lump, horrible for the life that
+is in it. Comes the wind of heaven, that good Samaritan, and parts the
+hair upon his forehead, nor is too nice to kiss those parched, cracked
+lips; the morning opens upon him her eyes full of pitying sunshine, the
+sky yearns down to him,--and there he lies fermenting. O sleep! let me
+not profane thy holy name by calling that stertorous unconsciousness a
+slumber! By and by comes along the State, God's vicar. Does she
+say,--"My poor, forlorn foster-child! Behold here a force which I will
+make dig and plant and build for me"? Not so, but,--"Here is a recruit
+ready-made to my hand, a piece of destroying energy lying unprofitably
+idle." So she claps an ugly grey suit on him, puts a musket in his
+grasp, and sends him off, with Gubernatorial and other godspeeds, to do
+duty as a destroyer.
+
+I made one of the crowd at the last Mechanics' Fair, and, with the rest,
+stood gazing in wonder at a perfect machine, with its soul of fire, its
+boiler-heart that sent the hot blood pulsing along the iron arteries,
+and its thews of steel. And while I was admiring the adaptation of means
+to end, the harmonious involutions of contrivance, and the
+never-bewildered complexity, I saw a grimed and greasy fellow, the
+imperious engine's lackey and drudge, whose sole office was to let fall,
+at intervals, a drop or two of oil upon a certain joint. Then my soul
+said within me, See there a piece of mechanism to which that other you
+marvel at is but as the rude first effort of a child,--a force which not
+merely suffices to set a few wheels in motion, but which can send an
+impulse all through the infinite future,--a contrivance, not for turning
+out pins, or stitching button-holes, but for making Hamlets and Lears.
+And yet this thing of iron shall be housed, waited on, guarded from rust
+and dust, and it shall be a crime but so much as to scratch it with a
+pin; while the other, with its fire of God in it, shall be buffeted
+hither and thither, and finally sent carefully a thousand miles to be
+the target for a Mexican cannon-ball. Unthrifty Mother State! My heart
+burned within me for pity and indignation, and I renewed this covenant
+with my own soul,--_In aliis mansuetus ero, at, in blasphemiis contra
+Christum, non ita._--H. W.]
+
+
+    I spose you wonder ware I be; I can't tell, fer the soul o' me,
+    Exacly ware I be myself,--meanin' by thet the holl o' me.
+    Wen I left hum, I hed two legs, an' they worn't bad ones neither
+    (The scaliest trick they ever played wuz bringin' on me hither),
+    Now one on 'em 's I dunno ware;--they thought I wuz adyin',
+    An' sawed it off, because they said 'twuz kin' o' mortifyin';
+    I 'm willin' to believe it wuz, an' yit I don't see, nuther,
+    Wy one should take to feelin' cheap a minnit sooner 'n t'other,
+    Sence both wuz equilly to blame; but things is ez they be;
+    It took on so they took it off, an' thet 's enough fer me:
+    There 's one good thing, though, to be said about my wooden new one,--
+    The liquor can't get into it ez 't used to in the true one;
+    So it saves drink; an' then, besides, a feller could n't beg.
+    A gretter blessin' then to hev one ollers sober peg;
+    It 's true a chap 's in want o' two fer follerin' a drum,
+    But all the march I 'm up to now is jest to Kingdom Come.
+
+    I 've lost one eye, but thet 's a loss it 's easy to supply
+    Out o' the glory thet I 've gut, fer thet is all my eye;
+    An' one is big enough, I guess, by diligently usin' it,
+    To see all I shall ever git by way o' pay fer losin' it;
+    Off'cers, I notice, who git paid fer all our thumps an' kickins,
+    Du wal by keepin' single eyes arter the fattest pickins;
+    So, ez the eye 's put fairly out, I 'll larn to go without it,
+    An' not allow _myself_ to be no gret put out about it.
+    Now, le' me see, thet is n't all; I used, 'fore leavin' Jaalam,
+    To count things on my finger-eends, but sutthin' seems to ail 'em:
+    Ware 's my left hand? O, darn it, yes, I recollect wut 's come on 't;
+    I haint no left arm but my right, an' thet 's gut jest a thumb on 't;
+    It aint so hendy ez it wuz to cal'late a sum on 't.
+    I 've hed some ribs broke,--six (I b'lieve),--I haint kep' no
+              account on 'em;
+    Wen pensions git to be the talk, I 'll settle the amount on 'em.
+    An' now I 'm speakin' about ribs, it kin' o' brings to mind
+    One thet I could n't never break,--the one I lef' behind;
+    Ef you should see her, jest clear out the spout o' your invention
+    An' pour the longest sweetnin'-in about an annooal pension,
+    An' kin' o' hint (in case, you know, the critter should refuse to be
+    Consoled) I aint so 'xpensive now to keep ez wut I used to be;
+    There 's one arm less, ditto one eye, an' then the leg thet 's wooden
+    Can be took off an' sot away wenever ther' 's a puddin'.
+
+    I spose you think I 'm comin' back ez opperlunt ez thunder,
+    With shiploads o' gold images, an' varus sorts o' plunder;
+    Wal, 'fore I vullinteered, I thought this country wuz a sort o'
+    Canaan, a reg'lar Promised Land flowin' with rum an' water,
+    Ware propaty growed up like time, without no cultivation,
+    An' gold wuz dug ez taters be among our Yankee nation,
+    Ware nateral advantages were pufficly amazin',
+    Ware every rock there wuz about with precious stuns wuz blazin',
+    Ware mill-sites filled the country up ez thick ez you could cram 'em,
+    An' desput rivers run about abeggin' folks to dam 'em;
+    Then there were meetinhouses, tu, chockful o' gold an' silver
+    Thet you could take, an' no one could n't hand ye in no bill fer;--
+    Thet 's wut I thought afore I went, thet 's wut them fellers told us
+    Thet stayed to hum an' speechified an' to the buzzards sold us;
+    I thought thet gold mines could be gut cheaper than china asters,
+    An' see myself acomin' back like sixty Jacob Astors;
+    But sech idees soon melted down an' did n't leave a grease-spot;
+    I vow my holl sheer o' the spiles would n't come nigh a V spot;
+    Although, most anywares we 've ben, you need n't break no locks,
+    Nor run no kin' o' risks, to fill your pocket full o' rocks.
+
+    I guess I mentioned in my last some o' the nateral feeturs
+    O' this all-fiered buggy hole in th' way o' awfle creeturs,
+    But I fergut to name (new things to speak on so abounded)
+    How one day you 'll most die o' thust, an' 'fore the next git drownded.
+    The clymit seems to me jest like a teapot made o' pewter
+    Our Prudence hed, thet would n't pour (all she could du) to suit her;
+    Fust place the leaves 'ould choke the spout, so 's not a drop 'ould
+              dreen out,
+    Then Prude 'ould tip an' tip an' tip, till the holl kit bust clean out,
+    The kiver-hinge-pin bein' lost, tea-leaves an' tea an' kiver
+    'ould all come down _kerswosh!_ ez though the dam broke in a river.
+    Jest so 't is here; holl months there aint a day o' rainy weather,
+    An' jest ez th' officers 'ould be alayin' heads together
+    Ez t' how they 'd mix their drink at sech a milingtary deepot,--
+    'T 'ould pour ez though the lid wuz off the everlastin' teapot.
+
+    The cons'quence is, thet I shall take, wen I 'm allowed to leave here,
+    One piece o' propaty along,--an' thet 's the shakin' fever;
+    It 's reggilar employment, though, an' thet aint thought to harm one,
+    Nor 't aint so tiresome ez it wuz with t' other leg an' arm on;
+    An' it 's a consolation, tu, although it does n't pay,
+    To hev it said you 're some gret shakes in any kin' o' way.
+    'T worn't very long, I tell ye wut, I thought o' fortin-makin',--
+    One day a reg'lar shiver-de-freeze, an' next ez good ez bakin',--
+    One day abrilin' in the sand, then smoth'rin' in the mashes,--
+    Git up all sound, be put to bed a mess o' hacks an' smashes.
+    But then, thinks I, at any rate there 's glory to be hed,--
+    Thet 's an investment, arter all, thet may n't turn out so bad;
+    But somehow, wen we 'd fit an' licked, I ollers found the thanks
+    Gut kin' o' lodged afore they come ez low down ez the ranks;
+    The Gin'rals gut the biggest sheer, the Cunnles next, an' so on,--
+    _We_ never gut a blasted mite o' glory ez I know on;
+    An' spose we hed, I wonder how you 're goin' to contrive its
+    Division so 's to give a piece to twenty thousand privits;
+    Ef you should multiply by ten the portion o' the brav'st one,
+    You would n't git more 'n half enough to speak of on a grave-stun;
+    We git the licks,--we 're jest the grist thet 's put into War's
+              hoppers;
+    Leftenants is the lowest grade thet helps pick up the coppers.
+    It may suit folks thet go agin a body with a soul in 't,
+    An' aint contented with a hide without a bagnet hole in 't;
+    But glory is a kin' o' thing _I_ shan't pursue no furder,
+    Coz thet 's the off'cers parquisite,--yourn 's on'y jest the murder.
+
+    Wal, arter I gin glory up, thinks I at least there 's one
+    Thing in the bills we aint hed yit, an' thet 's the GLORIOUS FUN;
+    Ef once we git to Mexico, we fairly may persume we
+    All day an' night shall revel in the halls o' Montezumy.
+    I 'll tell ye wut _my_ revels wuz, an' see how you would like 'em;
+    _We_ never gut inside the hall: the nighest ever _I_ come
+    Wuz stan'in' sentry in the sun (an', fact, it _seemed_ a cent'ry)
+    A ketchin' smells o' biled an' roast thet come out thru the entry,
+    An' hearin', ez I sweltered thru my passes an' repasses,
+    A rat-tat-too o' knives an' forks, a clinkty-clink o' glasses:
+    I can't tell off the bill o' fare the Gin'rals hed inside
+    All I know is, thet out o' doors a pair o' soles wuz fried,
+    An' not a hunderd miles away frum ware this child wuz posted,
+    A Massachusetts citizen wuz baked an' biled an' roasted;
+    The on'y thing like revellin' thet ever come to me
+    Wuz bein' routed out o' sleep by thet darned revelee.
+
+    They say the quarrel 's settled now; fer my part I 've some doubt
+              on 't,
+    'T 'll take more fish-skin than folks think to take the rile clean
+              out on 't;
+    At any rate, I 'm so used up I can't do no more fightin',
+    The on'y chance thet 's left to me is politics or writin';
+    Now, ez the people 's gut to hev a milingtary man,
+    An' I aint nothin' else jest now, I 've hit upon a plan;
+    The can'idatin' line, you know, 'ould suit me to a T,
+    An' ef I lose, 't wunt hurt my ears to lodge another flea;
+    So I 'll set up ez can'idate fer any kin' o' office
+    (I mean fer any thet includes good easy-cheers an' soffies;
+    Fer ez to runnin' fer a place ware work 's the time o' day,
+    You know thet 's wut I never did,--except the other way);
+    Ef it 's the Presidential cheer fer wich I 'd better run,
+    Wut two legs anywares about could keep up with my one?
+    There aint no kin' o' quality in can'idates, it 's said,
+    So useful ez a wooden leg,--except a wooden head;
+    There 's nothin' aint so poppylar--(wy, it 's a parfect sin
+    To think wut Mexico hez paid fer Santy Anny's pin;)--
+    Then I haint gut no principles, an', sence I wuz knee-high,
+    I never _did_ hev any gret, ez you can testify;
+    I 'm a decided peace-man, tu, an' go agin the war,--
+    Fer now the holl on 't 's gone an' past, wut is there to go _for_?
+    Ef, wile you 're 'lectioneerin' round, some curus chaps should beg
+    To know my views o' state affairs, jest answer WOODEN LEG!
+    Ef they aint settisfied with thet, an' kin' o' pry an' doubt
+    An' ax fer sutthin' deffynit, jest say ONE EYE PUT OUT!
+    Thet kin' o' talk I guess you 'll find 'll answer to a charm,
+    An' wen you 're druv tu nigh the wall, hol' up my missin' arm;
+    Ef they should nose round fer a pledge, put on a vartoous look
+    An' tell 'em thet 's percisely wut I never gin nor--took!
+
+    Then you can call me "Timbertoes,"--thet 's wut the people likes;
+    Sutthin' combinin' morril truth with phrases sech ez strikes;
+    Some say the people 's fond o' this, or thet, or wut you please,--
+    I tell ye wut the people want is jest correct idees;
+    "Old Timbertoes," you see 's a creed it 's safe to be quite bold on,
+    There 's nothin' in 't the other side can any ways git hold on;
+    It 's a good tangible idee, a sutthin' to embody
+    Thet valooable class o' men who look thru brandy-toddy;
+    It gives a Party Platform tu, jest level with the mind
+    Of all right-thinkin', honest folks thet mean to go it blind;
+    Then there air other good hooraws to dror on ez you need 'em,
+    Sech ez the ONE-EYED SLARTERER, the BLOODY BIRDOFREDUM;
+    Them 's wut takes hold o' folks thet think, ez well ez o' the masses,
+    An' makes you sartin o' the aid o' good men of all classes.
+
+    There 's one thing I 'm in doubt about; in order to be Presidunt,
+    It 's absolutely ne'ssary to be a Southern residunt;
+    The Constitution settles thet, an' also thet a feller
+    Must own a nigger o' some sort, jet black, or brown, or yeller.
+    Now I haint no objections agin particklar climes,
+    Nor agin ownin' anythin' (except the truth sometimes),
+    But, ez I haint no capital, up there among ye, may be,
+    You might raise funds enough fer me to buy a low-priced baby,
+    An' then, to suit the No'thern folks, who feel obleeged to say
+    They hate an' cuss the very thing they vote fer every day,
+    Say you 're assured I go full butt fer Libbaty's diffusion
+    An' made the purchis on'y jest to spite the Institootion;--
+    But, golly! there 's the currier's hoss upon the pavement pawin'!
+    I 'll be more 'xplicit in my next.
+
+                                        Yourn,
+
+                                                BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN.
+
+
+[We have now a tolerably fair chance of estimating how the balance-sheet
+stands between our returned volunteer and glory. Supposing the entries
+to be set down on both sides of the account in fractional parts of one
+hundred, we shall arrive at something like the following result:--
+
+
+ _Cr._     B. SAWIN, Esq., _in account with_ (BLANK) GLORY.     _Dr._
+
+ By loss of one leg            20    To one 675th three cheers
+ "   do.    one arm            15       in Faneuil Hall            30
+ "   do.    four fingers        5    "  do. do. on occasion
+ "   do.    one eye            10       of presentation of
+ "  the breaking of six ribs    6       sword to Colonel Wright    25
+ "  having served under              "  one suit of grey clothes
+    Colonel Cushing one                 (ingeniously unbecoming)   15
+    month                      44    "  musical entertainments
+                                        (drum and fife six
+                                        months)                     5
+                                     "  one dinner after return     1
+                                     "  chance of pension           1
+                                     "  privilege of drawing
+                                        longbow during rest of
+                                        natural life               23
+                             ----                                ----
+    E. E.                     100                                 100
+
+
+It would appear that Mr. Sawin found the actual feast curiously the
+reverse of the bill of fare advertised in Faneuil Hall and other places.
+His primary object seems to have been the making of his fortune.
+_Quaerenda pecunia primum, virtus post nummos._ He hoisted sail for
+Eldorado, and shipwrecked on Point Tribulation. _Quid non mortalia
+pectora cogis, auri sacra fames?_ The speculation has sometimes crossed
+my mind, in that dreary interval of drought which intervenes between
+quarterly stipendiary showers, that Providence, by the creation of a
+money-tree, might have simplified wonderfully the sometimes perplexing
+problem of human life. We read of bread-trees, the butter for which lies
+ready-churned in Irish bogs. Milk-trees we are assured of in South
+America, and stout Sir John Hawkins testifies to water-trees in the
+Canaries. Boot-trees bear abundantly in Lynn and elsewhere; and I have
+seen, in the entries of the wealthy, hat-trees with a fair show of
+fruit. A family-tree I once cultivated myself, and found therefrom but a
+scanty yield, and that quite tasteless and innutritious. Of trees
+bearing men we are not without examples; as those in the park of Louis
+the Eleventh of France. Who has forgotten, moreover, that olive-tree
+growing in the Athenian's back-garden, with its strange uxorious crop,
+for the general propagation of which, as of a new and precious variety,
+the philosopher Diogenes, hitherto uninterested in arboriculture, was so
+zealous? In the _sylva_ of our own Southern States, the females of my
+family have called my attention to the china-tree. Not to multiply
+examples, I will barely add to my list the birch-tree, in the smaller
+branches of which has been implanted so miraculous a virtue for
+communicating the Latin and Greek languages, and which may well
+therefore be classed among the trees producing necessaries of
+life,--_venerabile donum fatalis virgae_. That money-trees existed in the
+golden age there want not prevalent reasons for our believing. For does
+not the old proverb, when it asserts that money does not grow on _every_
+bush, imply _a fortiori_, that there were certain bushes which did
+produce it? Again, there is another ancient saw to the effect that money
+is the _root_ of all evil. From which two adages it may be safe to infer
+that the aforesaid species of tree first degenerated into a shrub, then
+absconded underground, and finally, in our iron age, vanished
+altogether. In favourable exposures it may be conjectured that a
+specimen or two survived to a great age, as in the garden of the
+Hesperides; and, indeed, what else could that tree in the Sixth AEneid
+have been, with a branch whereof the Trojan hero procured admission to a
+territory, for the entering of which money is a surer passport than to a
+certain other more profitable (too) foreign kingdom? Whether these
+speculations of mine have any force in them, or whether they will not
+rather, by most readers, be deemed impertinent to the matter in hand, is
+a question which I leave to the determination of an indulgent posterity.
+That there were, in more primitive and happier times, shops where money
+was sold,--and that, too, on credit and at a bargain,--I take to be
+matter of demonstration. For what but a dealer in this article was that
+AEolus who supplied Ulysses with motive power for his fleet in bags? What
+that Ericus, king of Sweden, who is said to have kept the winds in his
+cap? What, in more recent times, those Lapland Nornas who traded in
+favourable breezes? All which will appear the more clearly when we
+consider, that, even to this day, _raising the wind_ is proverbial for
+raising money, and that brokers and banks were invented by the Venetians
+at a later period.
+
+And now for the improvement of this digression. I find a parallel to Mr.
+Sawin's fortune in an adventure of my own. For, shortly after I had
+first broached to myself the before-stated natural-historical and
+archaeological theories, as I was passing, _haec negotia penitus mecum
+revolvens_, through one of the obscure suburbs of our New England
+metropolis, my eye was attracted by these words upon a sign-board,--CHEAP
+CASH-STORE. Here was at once the confirmation of my speculations, and
+the substance of my hopes. Here lingered the fragment of a happier past,
+or stretched out the first tremulous organic filament of a more
+fortunate future. Thus glowed the distant Mexico to the eyes of Sawin,
+as he looked through the dirty pane of the recruiting-office window, or
+speculated from the summit of that mirage-Pisgah which the imps of the
+bottle are so cunning in raising up. Already had my Alnaschar-fancy
+(even during that first half-believing glance) expended in various
+useful directions the funds to be obtained by pledging the manuscript of
+a proposed volume of discourses. Already did a clock ornament the tower
+of the Jaalam meeting-house--a gift appropriately, but modestly,
+commemorated in the parish and town records, both, for now many years,
+kept by myself. Already had my son Seneca completed his course at the
+University. Whether, for the moment, we may not be considered as
+actually lording it over those Baratarias with the viceroyalty of which
+Hope invests us, and whether we are ever so warmly housed as in our
+Spanish castles, would afford matter of argument. Enough that I found
+that sign-board to be no other than a bait to the trap of a decayed
+grocer. Nevertheless, I bought a pound of dates (getting short weight by
+reason of immense flights of harpy flies, who pursued and lighted upon
+their prey even in the very scales), which purchase I made, not only
+with an eye to the little ones at home, but also as a figurative reproof
+of that too-frequent habit of my mind, which, forgetting the due order
+of chronology, will often persuade me that the happy sceptre of Saturn
+is stretched over this Astraea-forsaken nineteenth century.
+
+Having glanced at the ledger of Glory under the title _Sawin, B._, let
+us extend our investigations, and discover if that instructive volume
+does not contain some charges more personally interesting to ourselves.
+I think we should be more economical of our resources, did we thoroughly
+appreciate the fact, that, whenever Brother Jonathan seems to be
+thrusting his hand into his own pocket, he is, in fact, picking ours. I
+confess that the late _muck_ which the country has been running, has
+materially changed my views as to the best method of raising revenue.
+If, by means of direct taxation, the bills for every extraordinary
+outlay were brought under our immediate eye, so that, like thrifty
+housekeepers, we could see where and how fast the money was going, we
+should be less likely to commit extravagances. At present, these things
+are managed in such a hugger-mugger way, that we know not what we pay
+for; the poor man is charged as much as the rich; and, while we are
+saving and scrimping at the spigot, the government is drawing off at the
+bung. If we could know that a part of the money we expend for tea and
+coffee goes to buy powder and ball, and that it is Mexican blood which
+makes the clothes on our backs more costly, it would set some of us
+athinking. During the present fall, I have often pictured to myself a
+government official entering my study, and handing me the following
+bill:--
+
+
+                                    WASHINGTON, Sept. 30, 1848.
+
+               REV. HOMER WILBUR _to_ UNCLE SAMUEL,           _Dr._
+
+ To his share of work done in Mexico on partnership
+    account, sundry jobs, as below.
+
+ " killing, maiming, and wounding about 5,000 Mexicans        $2.00
+
+ " slaughtering one woman carrying water to wounded             .10
+
+ " extra work on two different Sabbaths (one bombardment
+    and one assault) whereby the Mexicans were prevented
+    from defiling themselves with the idolatries of high
+    mass                                                       3.50
+
+ " throwing an especially fortunate and Protestant
+    bomb-shell into the Cathedral at Vera Cruz, whereby
+    several female Papists were slain at the altar              .50
+
+ " his proportion of cash paid for conquered territory         1.75
+
+ "         do.       do.       for conquering  do.             1.50
+
+ " manuring do. with new superior compost called
+    "American Citizen"                                          .50
+
+ " extending the area of freedom and Protestantism              .01
+
+ " glory                                                        .01
+                                                             ------
+                                                              $9.87
+
+   _Immediate payment is requested._
+
+N.B. Thankful for former favours, U. S. requests a continuance of
+patronage. Orders executed with neatness and despatch. Terms as low as
+those of any other contractor for the same kind and style of work.
+
+
+I can fancy the official answering my look of horror with,--"Yes, Sir,
+it looks like a high charge, Sir; but in these days slaughtering is
+slaughtering." Verily, I would that every one understood that it was;
+for it goes about obtaining money under the false pretence of being
+glory. For me, I have an imagination which plays me uncomfortable
+tricks. It happens to me sometimes to see a slaughterer on his way home
+from his day's work, and forthwith my imagination puts a cocked-hat upon
+his head, and epaulettes upon his shoulders, and sets him up as a
+candidate for the Presidency. So, also, on a recent public occasion, as
+the place assigned to the "Reverend Clergy" is just behind that of
+"Officers of the Army and Navy" in processions, it was my fortune to be
+seated at the dinner-table over against one of these respectable
+persons. He was arrayed as (out of his own profession) only kings,
+court-officers, and footmen are in Europe, and Indians in America. Now
+what does my over-officious imagination but set to work upon him, strip
+him of his gay livery, and present him to me coatless, his trousers
+thrust into the tops of a pair of boots thick with clotted blood, and a
+basket on his arm out of which lolled a gore-smeared axe, thereby
+destroying my relish for the temporal mercies upon the board before
+me.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+No. IX.
+
+A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.
+
+
+[Upon the following letter slender comment will be needful. In what
+river Selemnus has Mr. Sawin bathed, that he has become so swiftly
+oblivious of his former loves? From an ardent and (as befits a soldier)
+confident wooer of that coy bride, the popular favour, we see him
+subside of a sudden into the (I trust not jilted) Cincinnatus, returning
+to his plough with a goodly-sized branch of willow in his hand;
+figuratively returning, however, to a figurative plough, and from no
+profound affection for that honoured implement of husbandry (for which,
+indeed, Mr. Sawin never displayed any decided predilection), but in
+order to be gracefully summoned therefrom to more congenial labours. It
+would seem that the character of the ancient Dictator had become part of
+the recognised stock of our modern political comedy, though, as our term
+of office extends to a quadrennial length, the parallel is not so
+minutely exact as could be desired. It is sufficiently so, however, for
+purposes of scenic representation. An humble cottage (if built of logs,
+the better) forms the Arcadian background of the stage. This rustic
+paradise is labeled Ashland, Jaalam, North Bend, Marshfield, Kinderhook,
+or Baton Rouge, as occasion demands. Before the door stands a something
+with one handle (the other painted in proper perspective), which
+represents, in happy ideal vagueness, the plough. To this the defeated
+candidate rushes with delirious joy, welcomed as a father by
+appropriate groups of happy labourers, or from it the successful one is
+torn with difficulty, sustained alone by a noble sense of public duty.
+Only I have observed, that, if the scene be laid at Baton Rouge or
+Ashland, the labourers are kept carefully in the background, and are
+heard to shout from behind the scenes in a singular tone, resembling
+ululation, and accompanied by a sound not unlike vigorous clapping.
+This, however, may be artistically in keeping with the habits of the
+rustic population of those localities. The precise connexion between
+agricultural pursuits and statesmanship I have not been able, after
+diligent inquiry, to discover. But, that my investigations may not be
+barren of all fruit, I will mention one curious statistical fact, which
+I consider thoroughly established, namely, that no real farmer ever
+attains practically beyond a seat in General Court, however
+theoretically qualified for more exalted station.
+
+It is probable that some other prospect has been opened to Mr. Sawin,
+and that he has not made this great sacrifice without some definite
+understanding in regard to a seat in the cabinet, or a foreign mission.
+It may be supposed that we of Jaalam were not untouched by a feeling of
+villatic pride in beholding our townsman occupying so large a space in
+the public eye. And to me, deeply revolving the qualifications necessary
+to a candidate in these frugal times, those of Mr. S. seemed peculiarly
+adapted to a successful campaign. The loss of a leg, an arm, an eye, and
+four fingers, reduced him so nearly to the condition of a _vox et
+praeterea nihil_, that I could think of nothing but the loss of his head
+by which his chance could have been bettered. But since he has chosen to
+baulk our suffrages, we must content ourselves with what we can get,
+remembering _lactucas non esse dandas, dum cardui sufficiant_.--H. W.]
+
+
+    I spose you recollect thet I explained my gennle views
+    In the last billet thet I writ, 'way down frum Veery Cruze,
+    Jest arter I 'd a kind o' ben spontanously sot up
+    To run unanimously fer the Presidential cup;
+    O' course it worn't no wish o' mine, 't wuz ferfiely distressin',
+    But poppiler enthusiasm gut so almighty pressin'
+    Thet, though like sixty all along I fumed an' fussed an' sorrered,
+    There did n't seem no ways to stop their bringin' on me forrerd:
+    Fact is, they udged the matter so, I could n't help admittin'
+    The Father o' his Country's shoes no feet but mine 'ould fit in,
+    Besides the savin' o' the soles fer ages to succeed,
+    Seein' thet with one wannut foot, a pair 'd be more 'n I need;
+    An', tell ye wut, them shoes 'll want a thund'rin' sight o' patchin',
+    Ef this ere fashion is to last we 've gut into o' hatchin'
+    A pair o' second Washintons fer every new election,--
+    Though, fur ez number one 's consarned, I don't make no objection.
+
+    I wuz agoin' on to say thet wen at fust I saw
+    The masses would stick to 't I wuz the Country's father-'n-law
+    (They would ha' hed it _Father_, but I told 'em 't would n't du,
+    Coz thet wuz sutthin' of a sort they could n't split in tu,
+    An' Washinton hed hed the thing laid fairly to his door,
+    Nor dars n't say 't worn't his'n, much ez sixty year afore),
+    But 't aint no matter ez to thet; wen I wuz nomernated,
+    'T worn't natur but wut I should feel consid'able elated,
+    An' wile the hooraw o' the thing wuz kind o' noo an' fresh,
+    I thought our ticket would ha' caird the country with a resh.
+
+    Sence I 've come hum, though, an' looked round, I think I seem to find
+    Strong argimunts ez thick ez fleas to make me change my mind;
+    It 's clear to any one whose brain ain't fur gone in a phthisis,
+    Thet hail Columby's happy land is goin' thru a crisis,
+    An' 't would n't noways du to hev the people's mind distracted
+    By bein' all to once by sev'ral pop'lar names attackted;
+    'T would save holl haycartloads o' fuss an' three four months o' jaw,
+    Ef some illustrous paytriot should back out an' withdraw;
+    So, ez I aint a crooked stick, jest like--like ole (I swow,
+    I dunno ez I know his name)--I 'll go back to my plough.
+    Now, 't aint no more 'n is proper 'n' right in sech a sitooation
+    To hint the course you think 'll be the savin' o' the nation;
+    To funk right out o' p'lit'cal strife aint thought to be the thing,
+    Without you deacon off the toon you want your folks should sing;
+    So I edvise the noomrous friends thet 's in one boat with me
+    To jest up killock, jam right down their hellum hard a lee,
+    Haul the sheets taut, an', laying out upon the Suthun tack,
+    Make fer the safest port they can, wich, _I_ think, is Ole Zack.
+
+    Next thing you 'll want to know, I spose, wut argimunts I seem
+    To see thet makes me think this ere 'll be the strongest team;
+    Fust place, I've ben consid'ble round in bar-rooms an' saloons
+    Agethrin' public sentiment, 'mongst Demmercrats and Coons,
+    An' 't aint ve'y offen thet I meet a chap but wut goes in
+    Fer Rough an' Ready, fair an' square, hufs, taller, horns, an' skin;
+    I don't deny but wut, fer one, ez fur ez I could see,
+    I didn't like at fust the Pheladelphy nomernee;
+    I could ha' pinted to a man thet wuz, I guess, a peg
+    Higher than him,--a soger, tu, an' with a wooden leg;
+    But every day with more an' more o' Taylor zeal I 'm burnin',
+    Seein' wich way the tide thet sets to office is aturnin';
+    Wy, into Bellers's we notched the votes down on three sticks,--
+    'T wuz Birdofredum _one_, Cass _aught_, an' Taylor _twenty-six_,
+    An', bein' the on'y canderdate thet wuz upon the ground,
+    They said 't wuz no more 'n right thet I should pay the drinks all
+              round;
+    Ef I 'd expected sech a trick, I would n't ha' cut my foot
+    By goin' an' votin' fer myself like a consumed coot;
+    It did n't make no diff'rence, though; I wish I may be cust,
+    Ef Bellers wuz n't slim enough to say he would n't trust!
+
+    Another pint thet influences the minds o' sober jedges
+    Is thet the Gin'ral hez n't gut tied hand an' foot with pledges;
+    He hez n't told ye wut he is, an' so there aint no knowin'
+    But wut he may turn out to be the best there is agoin';
+    This, at the on'y spot thet pinched, the shoe directly eases,
+    Coz every one is free to 'xpect percisely wut he pleases:
+    I want free-trade; you don't; the Gin'ral is n't bound to neither;--
+    I vote my way; you, yourn; an' both air sooted to a T there.
+    Ole Rough an' Ready, tu, 's a Wig, but without bein' ultry
+    (He 's like a holsome hayinday, thet 's warm, but is n't sultry);
+    He 's jest wut I should call myself, a kin' o' _scratch_, ez 't ware,
+    Thet aint exacly all a wig nor wholly your own hair;
+    I 've ben a Wig three weeks myself, jest o' this mod'rate sort,
+    An' don't find them an' Demmercrats so different ez I thought;
+    They both act pooty much alike, an' push an' scrouge an' cus;
+    They 're like two pickpockets in league fer Uncle Samwell's pus;
+    Each takes a side, an' then they squeeze the old man in between 'em,
+    Turn all his pockets wrong side out an' quick ez lightnin' clean 'em;
+    To nary one on 'em I 'd trust a secon'-handed rail
+    No furder off 'an I could sling a bullock by the tail.
+    Webster sot matters right in that air Mashfiel' speech o' his'n;--
+    "Taylor," sez he, "aint nary ways the one thet I 'd a chizzen,
+    Nor he ain't fittin' fer the place, an' like ez not he aint
+    No more 'n a tough ole bullethead, an' no gret of a saint;
+    But then," sez he, "obsarve my pint, he's jest ez good to vote fer
+    Ez though the greasin' on him worn't a thing to hire Choate fer;
+    Aint it ez easy done to drop a ballot in a box
+    Fer one ez 't is fer t' other, fer the bulldog ez the fox?"
+    It takes a mind like Dannel's, fact, ez big ez all ou' doors,
+    To find out thet it looks like rain arter it fairly pours;
+    I 'gree with him, it aint so dreffle troublesome to vote
+    Fer Taylor arter all,--it 's jest to go an' change your coat;
+    Wen he's once greased, you 'll swaller him an' never know on't, source,
+    Unless he scratches, goin' down, with them air Gin'ral's spurs.
+    I 've ben a votin' Demmercrat, ez reg'lar ez a clock,
+    But don't find goin' Taylor gives my narves no gret 'f a shock;
+    Truth is, the cutest leadin' Wigs, ever sence fust they found
+    Wich side the bread gut buttered on, hev kep' a edgin' round;
+    They kin' o' slipt the planks frum out th' ole platform one by one
+    An' made it gradooally noo, 'fore folks know'd wut wuz done,
+    Till, fur 'z I know, there aint an inch thet I could lay my han' on,
+    But I, or any Demmercrat, feels comf'table to stan' on,
+    An' ole Wig doctrines act'lly look, their occ'pants bein' gone,
+    Lonesome ez staddles on a mash without no hay-ricks on.
+
+    I spose it 's time now I should give my thoughts upon the plan,
+    Thet chipped the shell at Buffalo, o' settin' up ole Van.
+    I used to vote fer Martin, but, I swan, I 'm clean disgusted,--
+    He aint the man thet I can say is fittin' to be trusted;
+    He aint half antislav'ry 'nough, nor I aint sure, ez some be,
+    He 'd go in fer abolishin' the Deestrick o' Columby;
+    An', now I come to recollect, it kin' o' makes me sick 'z
+    A horse, to think o' wut he wuz in eighteen thirty-six.
+    An' then, another thing;--I guess, though mebby I am wrong,
+    This Buff'lo plaster aint agoin' to dror almighty strong;
+    Some folks, I know, hev gut th' idee thet No'thun dough 'll rise,
+    Though, 'fore I see it riz an' baked, I would n't trust my eyes;
+    'T will take more emptins, a long chalk, than this noo party 's gut,
+    To give sech heavy cakes ez them a start, I tell ye wut.
+    But even ef they caird the day, there would n't be no endurin'
+    To stand upon a platform with sech critters ez Van Buren;--
+    An' his son John, tu, I can't think how thet air chap should dare
+    To speak ez he doos; wy, they say he used to cuss an' swear!
+    I spose he never read the hymn thet tells how down the stairs
+    A feller with long legs wuz throwed thet would n't say his prayers.
+
+    This brings me to another pint: the leaders o' the party
+    Aint jest sech men ez I can act along with free an' hearty;
+    They aint not quite respectable, an' wen a feller's morrils
+    Don't toe the straightest kin' o' mark, wy, him an' me jest quarrils.
+    I went to a free soil meetin' once, an' wut d' ye think I see?
+    A feller wuz aspoutin' there thet act'lly come to me,
+    About two year ago last spring, ez nigh ez I can jedge,
+    An' axed me ef I didn't want to sign the Temprunce pledge!
+    He 's one o' them thet goes about an' sez you hed n't ough' to
+    Drink nothin', mornin', noon, or night, stronger 'an Taunton water.
+    There 's one rule I 've ben guided by, in settlin' how to vote,
+              ollers,--
+    I take the side thet _is n't_ took by them consarned tee-totallers.
+
+    Ez fer the niggers, I 've been South, an' thet hez changed my mind;
+    A lazier, more ungrateful set you could n't nowers find.
+    You know I mentioned in my last thet I should buy a nigger,
+    Ef I could make a purchase at a pooty mod'rate figger;
+    So, ez there 's nothin' in the world I 'm fonder of 'an gunnin',
+    I closed a bargin finally to take a feller runnin'.
+    I shou'dered queen's-arm an' stumped out, an' wen I come t' th' swamp,
+    'T worn't very long afore I gut upon the nest o' Pomp;
+    I come acrost a kin' o' hut, an', playin' round the door,
+    Some little woolly-headed cubs, ez many 'z six or more.
+    At fust I thought o' firin', but _think twice_ is safest ollers;
+    There aint, thinks I, not one on em' but 's wuth his twenty dollars,
+    Or would be, ef I hed 'em back into a Christian land,--
+    How temptin' all on 'em would look upon an auction-stand!
+    (Not but wut _I_ hate Slavery in th' abstract, stem to starn,--
+    I leave it ware our fathers did, a privit State consarn.)
+    Soon 'z they see _me_, they yelled an' run, but Pomp wuz out ahoein'
+    A leetle patch o' corn he hed, or else there aint no knowin'
+    He would n't ha' took a pop at me; but I hed gut the start,
+    An' wen he looked, I vow he groaned ez though he'd broke his heart;
+    He done it like a wite man, tu, ez nat'ral ez a pictur,
+    The imp'dunt, pis'nous hypocrite! wus 'an a boy constrictur.
+    "You can 't gum _me_, I tell ye now, an' so you need n't try,
+    I 'xpect my eye-teeth every mail, so jest shet up," sez I.
+    "Don't go to actin' ugly now, or else I 'll jest let strip,
+    You 'd best draw kindly, seein' 'z how I 've gut ye on the hip;
+    Besides, you darned ole fool, it aint no gret of a disaster
+    To be benev'lently druv back to a contented master,
+    Ware you hed Christian priv'ledges you don't seem quite aware of,
+    Or you 'd ha' never run away from bein' well took care of;
+    Ez fer kin' treatment, wy, he wuz so fond on ye, he said
+    He 'd give a fifty spot right out, to git ye, 'live or dead;
+    Wite folks aint sot by half ez much; 'member I run away,
+    Wen I wuz bound to Cap'n Jakes, to Mattysqumscot bay;
+    Don' know him, likely? Spose not; wal, the mean ole codger went
+    An' offered--wut reward, think? Wal, it worn't no _less_ 'n a cent."
+
+    Wal, I jest gut 'em into line, an druv 'em on afore me,
+    The pis'nous brutes, I 'd no idee o' the ill-will they bore me;
+    We walked till som'ers about noon, an' then it grew so hot
+    I thought it best to camp awile, so I chose out a spot
+    Jest under a magnoly tree, an' there right down I sot;
+    Then I unstrapped my wooden leg, coz it begun to chafe,
+    An' laid it down jest by my side, supposin' all wuz safe;
+    I made my darkies all set down around me in a ring,
+    An' sot an' kin' o' ciphered up how much the lot would bring;
+    But, wile I drinked the peaceful cup of a pure heart an' mind
+    (Mixed with some wiskey, now an' then), Pomp he snaked up behind,
+    An', creepin' grad'lly close tu, ez quiet ez a mink,
+    Jest grabbed my leg, and then pulled foot, quicker 'an you could wink,
+    An', come to look, they each on 'em hed gut behin' a tree,
+    An' Pomp poked out the leg a piece, jest so ez I could see,
+    An' yelled to me to throw away my pistils an' my gun,
+    Or else thet they 'd cair off the leg an' fairly cut the run.
+    I vow I did n't b'lieve there wuz a decent alligatur
+    Thet hed a heart so destitoot o' common human natur;
+    However, ez there worn't no help, I finally gev in
+    An' heft my arms away to git my leg safe back agin.
+    Pomp gethered all the weapins up, an' then he come an' grinned,
+    He showed his ivory some, I guess, an' sez, "You 're fairly pinned;
+    Jest buckle on your leg agin, an' git right up an' come,
+    'T wun't du fer fammerly men like me to be so long from hum."
+    At fust I put my foot right down an' swore I would n't budge.
+    "Jest ez you choose," sez he, quite cool, "either be shot or trudge."
+    So this black-hearted monster took an' act'lly druv me back
+    Along the very feetmarks o' my happy mornin' track,
+    An' kep' me pris'ner 'bout six months, an' worked me, tu, like sin,
+    Till I bed gut his corn an' his Carliny taters in;
+    He made me larn him readin', tu (although the crittur saw
+    How much it hurt my morril sense to act agin the law),
+    So 'st he could read a Bible he 'd gut; an' axed ef I could pint
+    The North Star out; but there I put his nose some out o' jint,
+    Fer I weeled roun' about sou'west, an', lookin' up a bit,
+    Picked out a middlin' shiny one an' tole him thet wuz it.
+    Fin'lly, he took me to the door, an', givin' me a kick,
+    Sez,--"Ef you know wut 's best fer ye, be off, now, double-quick;
+    The winter-time 's a comin' on, an', though I gut ye cheap,
+    You 're so darned lazy, I don't think you 're hardly wuth your keep;
+    Besides, the childrin's growin' up, an' you aint jest the model
+    I 'd like to hev 'em immertate, an' so you 'd better toddle!"
+
+    Now is there any thin' on airth 'll ever prove to me
+    Thet renegader slaves like him air fit fer bein' free?
+    D' you think they 'll suck me in to jine the Buff'lo chaps, an' them
+    Rank infidels thet go agin the Scriptur'l cus o' Shem?
+    Not by a jugfull! sooner 'n thet, I 'd go thru fire an' water;
+    Wen I hev once made up my mind, a meet'nhus aint sotter;
+    No, not though all the crows thet flies to pick my bones wuz cawin',--
+    I guess we 're in a Christian land,--
+
+                                            Yourn,
+
+                                                BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN.
+
+
+[Here, patient reader, we take leave of each other, I trust with some
+mutual satisfaction. I say _patient_, for I love not that kind which
+skims dippingly over the surface of the page, as swallows over a pool
+before rain. By such no pearls shall be gathered. But if no pearls
+there be (as, indeed, the world is not without example of books
+wherefrom the longest-winded diver shall bring up no more than his
+proper handful of mud), yet let us hope that an oyster or two may reward
+adequate perseverance. If neither pearls nor oysters, yet is patience
+itself a gem worth diving deeply for.
+
+It may seem to some that too much space has been usurped by my own
+private lucubrations, and some may be fain to bring against me that old
+jest of him who preached all his hearers out of the meeting-house save
+only the sexton, who, remaining for yet a little space, from a sense of
+official duty, at last gave out also, and, presenting the keys, humbly
+requested our preacher to lock the doors, when he should have wholly
+relieved himself of his testimony. I confess to a satisfaction in the
+self act of preaching, nor do I esteem a discourse to be wholly thrown
+away even upon a sleeping or unintelligent auditory. I cannot easily
+believe that the Gospel of St. John, which Jacques Cartier ordered to be
+read in the Latin tongue to the Canadian savages, upon his first meeting
+with them, fell altogether upon stony ground. For the earnestness of the
+preacher is a sermon appreciable by dullest intellects and most alien
+ears. In this wise did Episcopius convert many to his opinions, who yet
+understood not the language in which he discoursed. The chief thing is,
+that the messenger believe that he has an authentic message to deliver.
+For counterfeit messengers that mode of treatment which Father John de
+Plano Carpini relates to have prevailed among the Tartars would seem
+effectual, and, perhaps, deserved enough. For my own part, I may lay
+claim to so much of the spirit of martyrdom as would have led me to go
+into banishment with those clergymen whom Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal
+drave out of his kingdom for refusing to shorten their pulpit eloquence.
+It is possible, that, having been invited into my brother Biglow's
+desk, I may have been too little scrupulous in using it for the venting
+of my own peculiar doctrines to a congregation drawn together in the
+expectation and with the desire of hearing him.
+
+I am not wholly unconscious of a peculiarity of mental organization
+which impels me, like the railroad-engine with its train of cars, to run
+backward for a short distance in order to obtain a fairer start. I may
+compare myself to one fishing from the rocks when the sea runs high,
+who, misinterpreting the suction of the undertow for the biting of some
+larger fish, jerks suddenly, and finds that he has _caught bottom_,
+hauling in upon the end of his line a trail of various _algae_, among
+which, nevertheless, the naturalist may haply find somewhat to repay the
+disappointment of the angler. Yet have I conscientiously endeavoured to
+adapt myself to the impatient temper of the age, daily degenerating more
+and more from the high standard of our pristine New England. To the
+catalogue of lost arts I would mournfully add also that of listening to
+two-hour sermons. Surely we have been abridged into a race of pigmies.
+For, truly, in those of the old discourses yet subsisting to us in
+print, the endless spinal column of divisions and subdivisions can be
+likened to nothing so exactly as to the vertebrae of the saurians, whence
+the theorist may conjecture a race of Anakim proportionate to the
+withstanding of these other monsters. I say Anakim rather than Nephelim,
+because there seem reasons for supposing that the race of those whose
+heads (though no giants) are constantly enveloped in clouds (which that
+name imports) will never become extinct. The attempt to vanquish the
+innumerable _heads_ of one of those aforementioned discourses may supply
+us with a plausible interpretation of the second labour of Hercules, and
+his successful experiment with fire affords us a useful precedent.
+
+But while I lament the degeneracy of the age in this regard, I cannot
+refuse to succumb to its influence. Looking out through my study-window,
+I see Mr. Biglow at a distance busy in gathering his Baldwins, of which,
+to judge by the number of barrels lying about under the trees, his crop
+is more abundant than my own,--by which sight I am admonished to turn to
+those orchards of the mind wherein my labours may be more prospered, and
+apply myself diligently to the preparation of my next Sabbath's
+discourse.--H. W.]
+
+
+
+
+GLOSSARY.
+
+
+ A.
+
+ Act'lly, _actually_.
+
+ Air, _are_.
+
+ Airth, _earth_.
+
+ Airy, _area_.
+
+ Aree, _area_.
+
+ Arter, _after_.
+
+ Ax, _ask_.
+
+
+ B.
+
+ Beller, _bellow_.
+
+ Bellowses, _lunge_.
+
+ Ben, _been_.
+
+ Bile, _boil_.
+
+ Bimeby, _by and by_.
+
+ Blurt out, _to speak bluntly_.
+
+ Bust, _burst_.
+
+ Buster, _a roistering blade_;
+   used also as a general superlative.
+
+
+ C.
+
+ Caird, _carried_.
+
+ Cairn, _carrying_.
+
+ Caleb, _a turncoat_.
+
+ Cal'late, _calculate_.
+
+ Cass, _a person with two lives_.
+
+ Close, _clothes_.
+
+ Cockerel, _a young cock_.
+
+ Cocktail, _a kind of drink_;
+   also, _an ornament peculiar to soldiers_.
+
+ Convention, _a place where people are imposed on_;
+   _a juggler's show_.
+
+ Coons, _a cant term for a now defunct party_;
+   derived, perhaps, from the fact of their being commonly _up a tree_.
+
+ Cornwallis, _a sort of muster in masquerade_;
+   supposed to have had its origin soon after the Revolution, and to
+           commemorate the surrender of Lord Cornwallis. It took the
+           place of the old Guy Fawkes procession.
+
+ Crooked stick, _a perverse, froward person_.
+
+ Cunnle, _a colonel_.
+
+ Cus, _a curse_;
+   also, _a pitiful fellow_.
+
+
+ D.
+
+ Darsn't, used indiscriminately, either in singular or plural number,
+           for _dare not_, _dares not_, and _dared not_.
+
+ Deacon off, _to give the cue to_;
+   derived from a custom, once universal, but now extinct, in our New
+           England Congregational churches. An important part of the
+           office of deacon was to read aloud the hymns _given out_ by
+           the minister, one line at a time, the congregation singing
+           each line as soon as read.
+
+ Demmercrat, leadin', _one in favour of extending slavery_;
+   _a free-trade lecturer maintained in the custom-house_.
+
+ Desput, _desperate_.
+
+ Doos, _does_.
+
+ Doughface, _a contented lick-spittle_;
+   a common variety of Northern politician.
+
+ Dror, _draw_.
+
+ Du, _do_.
+
+ Dunno, dno, _do not_ or _does not know_.
+
+ Dut, _dirt_.
+
+
+ E.
+
+ Eend, _end_.
+
+ Ef, _if_.
+
+ Emptins, _yeast_.
+
+ Env'y, _envoy_.
+
+ Everlasting, an intensive, without reference to duration.
+
+ Ev'y, _every_.
+
+ Ez, _as_.
+
+
+ F.
+
+ Fer, _for_.
+
+ Ferfle, ferful, _fearful_;
+   also an intensive.
+
+ Fin', _find_.
+
+ Fish-skin, used in New England to clarify coffee.
+
+ Fix, _a difficulty_, _a nonplus_.
+
+ Foller, folly, _to follow_.
+
+ Forrerd, _forward_.
+
+ Frum, _from_.
+
+ Fur, _far_.
+
+ Furder, _farther_.
+
+ Furrer, _furrow_.
+   Metaphorically, _to draw a straight furrow_ is to live uprightly
+           or decorously.
+
+ Fust, _first_.
+
+
+ G.
+
+ Gin, _gave_.
+
+ Git, _get_.
+
+ Gret, _great_.
+
+ Grit, _spirit_, _energy_, _pluck_.
+
+ Grout, _to sulk_.
+
+ Grouty, _crabbed_, _surly_.
+
+ Gum, _to impose on_.
+
+ Gump, _a foolish fellow_, _a dullard_.
+
+ Gut, _got_.
+
+
+ H.
+
+ Hed, _had_.
+
+ Heern, _heard_.
+
+ Hellum, _helm_.
+
+ Hendy, _handy_.
+
+ Het, _heated_.
+
+ Hev, _have_.
+
+ Hez, _has_.
+
+ Holl, _whole_.
+
+ Holt, _hold_.
+
+ Huf, _hoof_.
+
+ Hull, _whole_.
+
+ Hum, _home_.
+
+ Humbug, _General Taylor's antislavery_.
+
+ Hut, _hurt_.
+
+
+ I.
+
+ Idno, _I do not know_.
+
+ In'my, _enemy_.
+
+ Insines, _ensigns_;
+   used to designate both the officer who carries the standard, and the
+           standard itself.
+
+ Inter, intu, _into_.
+
+
+ J.
+
+ Jedge, _judge_.
+
+ Jest, _just_.
+
+ Jine, _join_.
+
+ Jint, _joint_.
+
+ Junk, _a fragment of any solid substance_.
+
+
+ K.
+
+ Keer, _care_.
+
+ Kep, _kept_.
+
+ Killock, _a small anchor_.
+
+ Kin', kin' o', kinder, _kind_, _kind of_.
+
+
+ L.
+
+ Lawth, _loath_.
+
+ Let day-light into, _to shoot_.
+
+ Let on, _to hint_, _to confess_, _to own_.
+
+ Lick, _to beat_, _to overcome_.
+
+ Lights, _the bowels_.
+
+ Lily-pads, _leaves of the water-lily_.
+
+ Long-sweetening, _molasses_.
+
+ Loon, _the northern diver_.
+
+
+ M.
+
+ Mash, _marsh_.
+
+ Mean, _stingy_, _ill-natured_.
+
+ Min', _mind_.
+
+
+ N.
+
+ Ned, a slang phrase, going it like Ned, equivalent to our 'going like
+           old Harry.'
+
+ Nimepunce, _ninepence_, _twelve and a half cents_.
+
+ Nowers, _nowhere_.
+
+
+ O.
+
+ Offen, _often_.
+
+ Ole, _old_.
+
+ Ollers, olluz, _always_.
+
+ On, _of_;
+   used before _it_ or _them_, or at the end of a sentence, as _on 't_,
+           _on 'em_, _nut ez ever I heerd on_.
+
+ On'y, _only_.
+
+ Ossifer, _officer_ (seldom heard).
+
+
+ P.
+
+ Peaked, _pointed_.
+
+ Peek, _to peep_.
+
+ Pickerel, _the pike, a fish_.
+
+ Pint, _point_.
+
+ Pocket full of rocks, _plenty of money_.
+
+ Pooty, _pretty_.
+
+ Pop'ler, _conceited_, _popular_.
+
+ Pus, _purse_.
+
+ Put out, _troubled_, _vexed_.
+
+
+ Q.
+
+ Quarter, _a quarter-dollar_.
+
+ Queen's arm, _a musket_.
+
+
+ R.
+
+ Resh, _rush_.
+
+ Revelee, _the reveille_.
+
+ Rile, _to trouble_.
+
+ Riled, _angry_;
+   _disturbed_, as the sediment in any liquid.
+
+ Riz, _risen_.
+
+ Row, a long row to hoe, _a difficult task_.
+
+ Rugged, _robust_.
+
+ Row-de-dow, _troublesome talk_.
+
+
+ S.
+
+ Sarse, _abuse_, _impertinence_.
+
+ Sartin, _certain_.
+
+ Saxon, _sacristan_, _sexton_.
+
+ Scaliest, _worst_.
+
+ Scringe, _cringe_.
+
+ Scrouge, _to crowd_.
+
+ Sech, _such_.
+
+ Set by, _valued_.
+
+ Shakes, great, _of considerable consequence_.
+
+ Shappoes, _chapeaux_, _cocked-hats_.
+
+ Sheer, _share_.
+
+ Shet, _shut_.
+
+ Shine, _a fancy or liking_, also written _shindy_.
+
+ Shut, _shirt_.
+
+ Skeered, _scared_.
+
+ Skeeter, _mosquito_.
+
+ Skooting, _running_ or _moving swiftly_.
+
+ Slarterin', _slaughtering_.
+
+ Slim, _contemptible_.
+
+ Snaked, _crawled like a snake_;
+   but _to snake any one out_, is to track him to his hiding-place;
+   _to snake a thing out_ is to snatch it out.
+
+ Soffies, _sofas_.
+
+ Sogerin', _soldiering_;
+   a barbarous amusement common among men in the savage state.
+
+ Som'ers, _somewhere_.
+
+ So 'st, _so as that_.
+
+ Sot, _set_, _obstinate_, _resolute_.
+
+ Spiles, _spoils_; _objects of political ambition_.
+
+ Spry, _active_.
+
+ Staddles, _stout stakes driven into the salt marshes_, on which the
+           hay-ricks are set, and thus raised out of the reach of high
+           tides.
+
+ Streaked, _uncomfortable_, _discomfited_.
+
+ Suckle, _circle_.
+
+ Sutthin', _something_.
+
+ Suttin, _certain_.
+
+ Swan, _to swear_.
+
+
+ T.
+
+ Take on, _to sorrow_.
+
+ Talents, _talons_.
+
+ Taters, _potatoes_.
+
+ Tell, _till_.
+
+ Tetch, _touch_.
+
+ Tetch tu, _to be able_;
+   used always after a negative in this sense.
+
+ Tollable, _tolerable_.
+
+ Toot, used derisively _for playing on any wind instrument_.
+
+ Thru, _through_.
+
+ Thundering, a euphemism common in New England, for the profane English
+           expression _devilish_. Perhaps derived from the belief,
+           common formerly, that thunder was caused by the Prince of
+           the Air, for some of whose accomplishments consult Cotton
+           Mather.
+
+ Tu, _to_, _too_;
+   commonly has this sound when used emphatically, or at the end of a
+           sentence. At other times it has the sound of _t_ in _tough_,
+           as _Ware ye goin' tu? Goin' ta Boston_.
+
+
+ U.
+
+ Ugly, _ill-tempered_, _intractable_.
+
+ Uncle Sam, _United States_;
+   the largest boaster of liberty and owner of slaves.
+
+ Unrizzest, applied to dough or bread;
+   _heavy_, _most unrisen_, or _most incapable of rising_.
+
+
+ V
+
+ V spot, _a five-dollar bill_.
+
+ Vally, _value_.
+
+
+ W.
+
+ Wake snakes, _to get into trouble_.
+
+ Wal, _well_;
+   spoken with great deliberation, and sometimes with the _a_ very much
+           flattened, sometimes (but more seldom) very much broadened.
+
+ Wannut, _walnut_ (_hickory_).
+
+ Ware, _where_.
+
+ Ware, _were_.
+
+ Whopper, _an uncommonly large lie_;
+   as, that General Taylor is in favour of the Wilmot Proviso.
+
+ Wig, _Whig_;
+   a party now dissolved.
+
+ Wiz, _to whiz_;
+   _go off_ (like a rocket).
+
+ Wunt, _will not_.
+
+ Wus, _worse_.
+
+ Wut, _what_.
+
+ Wuth, _worth_;
+   as, _Antislavery perfessions 'fore 'lection aint wuth a Bungtown
+           copper_.
+
+ Wuz, _was_, sometimes _were_.
+
+
+ Y.
+
+ Yaller, _yellow_.
+
+ Yeller, _yellow_.
+
+ Yellers, _a disease of peach-trees_.
+
+
+ Z.
+
+ Zach, Ole, _a second Washington_, _an antislavery slaveholder_, _a
+           humane buyer and seller of men and women_, _a Christian hero
+           generally_.
+
+
+
+
+INDEX.
+
+
+ A. B., information wanted concerning, 76.
+
+ Adam, eldest son of, respected, 10.
+
+ AEneas goes to hell, 101.
+
+ AEolus, a seller of money, as is supposed by some, 101.
+
+ AEschylus, a saying of, 51, _note_.
+
+ Alligator, a decent one conjectured to be, in some sort, humane, 120.
+
+ Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal, tyrannical act of, 120.
+
+ Ambrose, Saint, excellent (but rationalistic) sentiment of, 35.
+
+ "American Citizen," new compost so called, 104.
+
+ American Eagle, a source of inspiration, 45
+   --hitherto wrongly classed, 51
+   --long bill of, 51.
+
+ Amos, cited, 34.
+
+ Anakim, that they formerly existed, shown, 124.
+
+ Angels, providentially speak French, 23
+   --conjectured to be skilled in all tongues, _ib._
+
+ Anglo-Saxondom, its idea, what, 21.
+
+ Anglo-Saxon mask, 21.
+
+ Anglo-Saxon race, 16.
+
+ Anglo-Saxon verse, by whom carried to perfection, 11.
+
+ Antonius, a speech of, 40
+   --by whom best reported, _ib._
+
+ Apocalypse, beast in, magnetic to theologians, 83.
+
+ Apollo, confessed mortal by his own oracle, 83.
+
+ Apollyon, his tragedies popular, 72.
+
+ Appian, an Alexandrian, not equal to Shakspeare as an orator, 40.
+
+ Ararat, ignorance of foreign tongues is an, 53.
+
+ Arcadian background, 106.
+
+ Aristophanes, 34.
+
+ Arms, profession of, once esteemed especially that of gentlemen, 10.
+
+ Arnold, 42.
+
+ Ashland, 106.
+
+ Astor, Jacob, a rich man, 91.
+
+ Astraea, nineteenth century forsaken by, 102.
+
+ Athenians, ancient, an institution of, 41.
+
+ Atherton, Senator, envies the loon, 60.
+
+ Austin, St., profane wish of, 43, _note_.
+
+ Aye-Aye, the, an African animal, America supposed to be settled by, 25.
+
+
+ Babel, probably the first Congress, 53
+   --a gabble-mill, _ib._
+
+ Baby, a low-priced one, 98.
+
+ Bagowind, Hon. Mr., whether to be damned, 63.
+
+ Baldwin apples, 125.
+
+ Baratarias, real or imaginary, which most pleasant, 102.
+
+ Barnum, a great natural curiosity recommended to, 49.
+
+ Barrels, an inference from seeing, 125.
+
+ Baton Rouge, 106
+   --strange peculiarities of labourers at, 107.
+
+ Baxter, R., a saying of, 35.
+
+ Bay, Mattysqumscot, 119.
+
+ Bay State, singular effect produced on military officers by leaving
+           it, 21.
+
+ Beast in Apocalypse, a loadstone, for whom, 83.
+
+ Beelzebub, his rigadoon, 61.
+
+ Behmen, his letters not letters, 76.
+
+ Bellers, a saloon-keeper, 111
+   --inhumanly refuses credit to a presidential candidate, 112.
+
+ Biglow, Ezekiel, his letter to Hon. J. T. Buckingham, 1
+   --never heard of any one named Mundishes, 2
+   --nearly four-score years old, _ib._
+   --his aunt Keziah, a notable saying of, 3.
+
+ Biglow, Hosea, excited by composition, 2
+   --a poem by, 3, 66
+   --his opinion of war, 4
+   --wanted at home by Nancy, 7
+   --recommends a forcible enlistment of warlike editors, _ib._
+   --would not wonder, if generally agreed with, 9
+   --versifies letter of Mr. Sawin, 11
+   --a letter from, 12, 57, 77
+   --his opinion of Mr. Sawin, 12
+   --does not deny fun at Cornwallis, 14, _note_
+   --his idea of militia glory, 17, _note_
+   --a pun of, 18, _note_
+   --is uncertain in regard to people of Boston, _ib._
+   --had never heard of Mr. John P. Robinson, 27
+   --_aliquid sufflaminandus_, 28
+   --his poems attributed to a Mr. Lowell, 33
+   --is unskilled in Latin, _ib._
+   --his poetry maligned by some, 34
+   --his disinterestedness, _ib._
+   --his deep share in commonweal, _ib._
+   --his claim to the presidency, _ib._
+   --his mowing, _ib._
+   --resents being called Whig, 35
+   --opposed to tariff, _ib._
+   --obstinate, _ib._
+   --infected with peculiar notions, _ib._
+   --reports a speech, 40
+   --emulates historians of antiquity, _ib._
+   --his character sketched from a hostile point of view, 52
+   --a request of his complied with, 64
+   --appointed at a public meeting in Jaalam, 77
+   --confesses ignorance, in one minute particular, of propriety, _ib._
+   --his opinion of cocked hats, _ib._
+   --letter to, _ib._
+   --called "Dear Sir," by a general, _ib._
+   --probably receives same compliment from two hundred and nine, _ib._
+   --picks his apples, 125
+   --his crop of Baldwins conjecturally large, _ib._
+
+ Billings, Dea. Cephas, 14.
+
+ Birch, virtue of, in instilling certain of the dead languages, 100.
+
+ Bird of our country sings hosanna, 16.
+
+ Blind, to go it, 98.
+
+ Blitz pulls ribbons from his mouth, 16.
+
+ Bluenose potatoes, smell of, eagerly desired, 17.
+
+ Bobtail obtains a cardinal's hat, 25.
+
+ Bolles, Mr. Secondary, author of prize peace essay, 15
+   --presents sword to Lieutenant Colonel, _ib._
+   --a fluent orator, _ib._
+   --found to be in error, 17.
+
+ Bonaparte, N., a usurper, 83.
+
+ Boot-trees, productive, where, 100.
+
+ Boston, people of, supposed educated, 18, _note_.
+
+ Brahmins, navel-contemplating, 74.
+
+ Bread-trees, 100.
+
+ Brigadier-Generals in militia, devotion of, 38.
+
+ Brown, Mr., engages in an unequal contest, 63.
+
+ Browne, Sir T., a pious and wise sentiment of, cited and commended, 11.
+
+ Buckingham, Hon. J. T., editor of the Boston Courier, letters to, 1,
+           12, 33, 57
+   --not afraid, 13.
+
+ Buffalo, a plan hatched there, 115
+   --plaster, a prophecy in regard to, _ib._
+
+ Buncombe, in the other world supposed, 41.
+
+ Bung, the eternal, thought to be loose, 7.
+
+ Bungtown Fencibles, dinner of, 26.
+
+ Butter in Irish bogs, 100.
+
+
+ C., General, commended for parts, 29
+   --for ubiquity, _ib._
+   --for consistency, _ib._
+   --for fidelity, _ib._
+   --is in favour of war, _ib._
+   --his curious valuation of principle, _ib._
+
+ Caesar, tribute to, 66
+   --his _veni, vidi, vici_, censured for undue prolixity, 85.
+
+ Cainites, sect of, supposed still extant, 10.
+
+ Caleb, a monopoly of his denied, 15
+   --curious notions of, as to meaning of "shelter," 19
+   --his definition of Anglo-Saxon, 20
+   --charges Mexicans (not with bayonets, but) with improprieties, _ib._
+
+ Calhoun, Hon. J. C., his cow-bell curfew, light of the nineteenth
+           century to be extinguished at sound of, 55
+   --cannot let go apron-string of the Past, _ib._
+   --his unsuccessful tilt at Spirit of the Age, 56
+   --the Sir Kay of modern chivalry, _ib._
+   --his anchor made of a crooked pin, 57
+   --mentioned, 58-61.
+
+ Cambridge Platform, use discovered for, 24.
+
+ Canary Islands, 100.
+
+ Candidate, presidential, letter from, 74
+   --smells a rat, 78
+   --against a bank, 79
+   --takes a revolving position, _ib._
+   --opinion of pledges, 80
+   --is a periwig, _ib._
+   --fronts south by north, 81
+   --qualifications of, lessening, 85
+   --wooden leg (and head) useful to, 96.
+
+ Cape Cod clergymen, what, 24
+   --Sabbath-breakers, perhaps, reproved by, _ib._
+
+ Carpini, Father John de Plano, among the Tartars, 123.
+
+ Cartier, Jacques, commendable zeal of, 123.
+
+ Cass, General, 59
+   --clearness of his merit, 60
+   --limited popularity at "Bellers's," 111.
+
+ Castles, Spanish, comfortable accommodations in, 102.
+
+ Cato, letters of, so called, suspended _naso adunco_, 76.
+
+ C. D., friends of, can hear of him, 76.
+
+ Chalk egg, we are proud of incubation of, 75.
+
+ Chappelow on Job, a copy of, lost, 65.
+
+ Cherubusco, news of, its effects on English royalty, 50.
+
+ Chesterfield no letter-writer, 76.
+
+ Chief Magistrate, dancing esteemed sinful by, 24.
+
+ Children naturally speak Hebrew, 11.
+
+ China-tree, 100.
+
+ Chinese, whether they invented gunpowder before the Christian era,
+           _not_ considered, 25.
+
+ Choate hired, 113.
+
+ Christ shuffled into Apocrypha, 25
+   --conjectured to disapprove of slaughter and pillage, 30
+   --condemns a certain piece of barbarism, 63.
+
+ Christianity, profession of, plebian, whether, 10.
+
+ Christian soldiers, perhaps inconsistent, whether, 38.
+
+ Cicero, an opinion of, disputed, 84.
+
+ Cilley, Ensign, author of nefarious sentiment, 26.
+
+ _Cimex lectularius_, 18.
+
+ Cincinnatus, a stock character in modern comedy, 106.
+
+ Civilization, progress of, an _alias_, 65
+   --rides upon a powder-cart, 79.
+
+ Clergymen, their ill husbandry, 64
+   --their place in processions, 105
+   --some, cruelly banished for the soundness of their lungs, 123.
+
+ Cocked-hat, advantages of being knocked into, 77.
+
+ College of Cardinals, a strange one, 25.
+
+ Colman, Dr. Benjamin, anecdote of, 38.
+
+ Coloured folks, curious national diversion of kicking, 19.
+
+ Colquitt, a remark of, 60
+   --acquainted with some principles of aerostation, _ib._
+
+ Columbia, District of, its peculiar climatic effects, 44
+   --not certain that Martin is for abolishing it, 115.
+
+ Columbus, a Paul Pry of genius, 74.
+
+ Columby, 109.
+
+ Complete Letter-Writer, fatal gift of, 82.
+
+ Compostella, St. James of, seen, 22.
+
+ Congress, singular consequence of getting into, 43.
+
+ Congressional debates, found instructive, 53.
+
+ Constituents, useful for what, 44.
+
+ Constitution trampled on, 58
+   --to stand upon, what, 78.
+
+ Convention, what, 44.
+
+ Convention, Springfield, 44.
+
+ Coon, old, pleasure in skinning, 59.
+
+ Coppers, _caste_ in picking up of, 94.
+
+ Copres, a monk, his excellent method of arguing, 54.
+
+ Cornwallis, a, 14
+   --acknowledged entertaining, _ib._, _note_.
+
+ Cotton Mather, summoned as witness, 23.
+
+ Country lawyers, sent providentially, 31.
+
+ Country, our, its boundaries more exactly defined, 32
+   --right or wrong, nonsense about exposed, _ib._
+
+ Courier, The Boston, an unsafe print, 52.
+
+ Court, General, farmers sometimes attain seats in, 107.
+
+ Cowper, W., his letters commended, 76.
+
+ Creed, a safe kind of, 97.
+
+ Crusade, first American, 23.
+
+ Cuneiform script recommended, 85.
+
+ Curiosity distinguishes man from brutes, 74.
+
+
+ Davis, Mr., of Mississippi, a remark of his, 59.
+
+ Day and Martin, proverbially "on hand," 2.
+
+ Death, rings down curtain, 72.
+
+ Delphi, oracle of, surpassed, 51, _note_
+   --alluded to, 83.
+
+ Destiny, her account, 49.
+
+ Devil, the, unskilled in certain Indian tongues, 23.
+
+ Dey of Tripoli, 55.
+
+ Diaz, Bernal, has a vision, 22
+   --his relationship to the Scarlet Woman, _ib._
+
+ Didymus, a somewhat voluminous grammarian, 83.
+
+ Dighton rock character might be usefully employed in some emergencies, 84.
+
+ Dimitry Bruisgins, fresh supply of, 73.
+
+ Diogenes, his zeal for propagating certain variety of olive, 100.
+
+ Dioscuri, imps of the pit, 23.
+
+ District-Attorney, contemptible conduct of one, 55.
+
+ Ditchwater on brain, a too common ailing, 54.
+
+ Doctor, the, a proverbial saying of, 22.
+
+ Doughface, yeast-proof, 69.
+
+ Drayton, a martyr, 55
+   --north star, culpable for aiding, whether, 62.
+
+
+ Earth, Dame, a peep at her housekeeping, 56.
+
+ Eating words, habit of, convenient in time of famine, 49.
+
+ Eavesdroppers, 74.
+
+ Editor, his position, 64
+   --commanding pulpit of, _ib._
+   --large congregation of, _ib._
+   --name derived from what, 66
+   --fondness for mutton, _ib._
+   --a pious one, his creed, _ib._
+   --a showman, 71
+   --in danger of sudden arrest, without bail, 72.
+
+ Editors, certain ones who crow like cockerels, 7.
+
+ Egyptian darkness, phial of, use for, 84.
+
+ Eldorado, Mr. Sawin sets sail for, 100.
+
+ Elizabeth, Queen, mistake of her ambassador, 41.
+
+ Empedocles, 74.
+
+ Employment, regular, a good thing, 93.
+
+ Epaulets, perhaps no badge of saint-ship, 30.
+
+ Episcopius, his marvellous oratory, 123.
+
+ Eric, king of Sweden, his cap, 101.
+
+ Evangelists, iron ones, 24.
+
+ Eyelids, a divine shield against authors, 54.
+
+ Ezekiel, text taken from, 64.
+
+
+ Factory-girls, expected rebellion of, 60.
+
+ Family-trees, fruit of jejune, 100.
+
+ Faneuil Hall, a place where persons tap themselves for a species of
+           hydrocephalus, 54
+   --a bill of fare mendaciously advertised in, 100.
+
+ Father of country, his shoes, 108.
+
+ Female Papists, cut off in midst of idolatry, 104.
+
+ Fire, we all like to play with it, 56.
+
+ Fish, emblematic, but disregarded, where, 54.
+
+ Flam, President, untrustworthy, 45.
+
+ Fly-leaves, providential increase of, 54.
+
+ Foote, Mr., his taste for field-sports, 58.
+
+ Fourier, a squinting toward, 52.
+
+ Fourth of Julys, boiling, 42.
+
+ France, a strange dance begun in, 61.
+
+ Fuller, Dr. Thomas, a wise saying of, 28.
+
+ Funnel, Old, hurraing in, 15.
+
+
+ Gawain, Sir, his amusements, 56.
+
+ Gay, S. H., Esquire, editor of National Antislavery Standard, letter
+           to, 74.
+
+ Getting up early, 4, 20.
+
+ Ghosts, some, presumed fidgety, (but see Stilling's Pneumatology,) 75.
+
+ Giants formerly stupid, 56.
+
+ Gift of Tongues, distressing case of, 53.
+
+ Globe Theatre, cheap season-ticket to, 72.
+
+ Glory, a perquisite of officers, 94
+   --her account with B. Sawin, Esq., 99.
+
+ Goatsnose, the celebrated interview, with, 84.
+
+ Gray's letters _are_ letters, 76.
+
+ Great horn spoon, sworn by, 58.
+
+ Greeks, ancient, whether they questioned candidates, 84.
+
+ Green Man, sign of, 35.
+
+
+ Ham, sandwich, an orthodox (but peculiar) one, 62.
+
+ Hamlets, machine for making, 87.
+
+ Hammon, 51, _note_, 83.
+
+ Hannegan, Mr., something said by, 59.
+
+ Harrison, General, how preserved, 82.
+
+ Hat-trees, in full bearing, 100.
+
+ Hawkins, Sir John, stout, something he saw, 100.
+
+ Henry the Fourth, of England, a Parliament of, how named, 41.
+
+ Hercules, his second labour probably what, 124.
+
+ Herodotus, story from, 11.
+
+ Hesperides, an inference from, 100.
+
+ Holden, Mr. Shearjashub, Preceptor of Jaalam Academy, 83
+   --his knowledge of Greek limited, _ib._
+   --a heresy of his, _ib._
+   --leaves a fund to propagate it, 84.
+
+ Hollis, Ezra, goes to a Cornwallis, 14.
+
+ Hollow, why men providentially so constructed, 42.
+
+ Homer, a phrase of, cited, 65.
+
+ Horners, democratic ones, plums left for, 46.
+
+ Howell, James, Esq. story told by, 41
+   --letters of, commended, 76.
+
+ Human rights out of order on the floor of Congress, 58.
+
+ Humbug, ascription of praise to, 70
+   --generally believed in, _ib._
+
+ Husbandry, instance of bad, 28.
+
+
+ Icarius, Penelope's father, 32.
+
+ Infants, prattlings of, curious observation concerning, 11.
+
+ Information wanted (universally, but especially at page), 76.
+
+
+ Jaalam Centre, Anglo-Saxons unjustly suspected by the young ladies
+           there, 21
+   --"Independent Blunderbuss," strange conduct of editor of, 64
+   --public meeting at, 77.
+
+ Jaalam Point, light-house on charge of prospectively offered to Mr. H.
+           Biglow, 81
+   --meeting-house ornamented with imaginary clock, 102.
+
+ Jakes, Captain, 119
+   --reproved for avarice, _ib._
+
+ James the Fourth of Scots, experiment by, 11.
+
+ Jarnagin, Mr., his opinion of the completeness of Northern education, 60.
+
+ Jerome, Saint, his list of sacred writers, 76.
+
+ Job, Book of, 10
+   --Chappelow on, 65.
+
+ Johnson, Mr., communicates some intelligence, 61.
+
+ Jonah, the inevitable destiny of, 62
+   --probably studied internal economy of the cetacea, 75.
+
+ Jortin, Dr., cited 39, 51, _note_.
+
+ Judea, everything not known there, 31.
+
+ Juvenal, a saying of, 50, _note_.
+
+
+ Kay, Sir, the, of modern chivalry, who, 56.
+
+ Key, brazen one, 55.
+
+ Keziah, Aunt, profound observation of, 3.
+
+ Kinderhook, 106.
+
+ Kingdom Come, march to, easy, 89.
+
+ Koenigsmark, Count, 10.
+
+
+ Lamb, Charles, his epistolary excellence, 76.
+
+ Latimer, Bishop, episcopizes Satan, 10.
+
+ Latin tongue, curious information concerning, 33.
+
+ Launcelot, Sir, a trusser of giants formerly, perhaps would find less
+           sport therein now, 56.
+
+ Letters classed, 76
+   --their shape, _ib._
+   --of candidates, 81
+   --often fatal, 82.
+
+ Lewis Philip, a scourger of young native Americans, 50
+   --commiserated (though not deserving it,) 51, _note_.
+
+ Liberator, a newspaper, condemned by implication, 35.
+
+ Liberty unwholesome for men of certain complexions, 66.
+
+ Lignum vitae, a gift of this valuable wood proposed, 22.
+
+ Longinus recommends swearing, 13, _note_ (Fuseli did same thing).
+
+ Long sweetening recommended, 90.
+
+ Lost arts, one sorrowfully added to list of, 124.
+
+ Louis the Eleventh of France, some odd trees of his, 100.
+
+ Lowell, Mr. J. R., unaccountable silence of, 33.
+
+ Luther, Martin, his first appearance as Europa, 22.
+
+ Lyttelton, Lord, his letters, an imposition, 76.
+
+
+ Macrobii, their diplomacy, 84.
+
+ Mahomet, got nearer Sinai than some, 66.
+
+ Mahound, his filthy gobbets, 23.
+
+ Mangum, Mr., speaks to the point, 58.
+
+ Manichaean, excellently confuted, 54.
+
+ Man-trees, grew where, 100.
+
+ Mares'-nests, finders of, benevolent, 75.
+
+ Marshfield, 106, 113.
+
+ Martin, Mr. Sawin used to vote for him, 115.
+
+ Mason and Dixon's line, slaves north of, 58.
+
+ Mass, the, its duty defined, 59.
+
+ Massachusetts, on her knees, 8
+   --something mentioned in connection with, worthy the attention of
+           tailors, 44
+   --citizen of, baked, boiled, and roasted (_nefandum!_), 95.
+
+ Masses, the, used as butter by some, 46.
+
+ M. C., an invertebrate animal, 49.
+
+ Mechanics' Fair, reflections suggested at, 87.
+
+ Mentor, letters of, dreary, 76.
+
+ Mephistopheles at a nonplus, 62.
+
+ Mexican blood, its effect in raising price of cloth, 103.
+
+ Mexican polka, 24.
+
+ Mexicans charged with various breaches of etiquette, 22
+   --kind feelings beaten into them, 70.
+
+ Mexico, no glory in overcoming, 45.
+
+ Military glory spoken disrespectfully of, 17, _note_
+   --militia treated still worse, _ib._
+
+ Milk-trees, growing still, 100.
+
+ Mills for manufacturing gabble, how driven, 53.
+
+ Milton, an unconscious plagiary, 43, _note_
+   --a Latin verse of, cited, 66.
+
+ Missions, a profitable kind of, 67.
+
+ Monarch, a pagan, probably not favoured in philosophical experiments, 12.
+
+ Money-trees desirable, 100
+   --that they once existed shown to be variously probable, _ib._
+
+ Montaigne, a communicative old Gascon, 75.
+
+ Monterey, battle of, its singular chromatic effect on a species of
+           two-headed eagle, 50.
+
+ Moses held up vainly as an example, 65
+   --construed by Joe Smith, _ib._
+
+ Myths, how to interpret readily, 84.
+
+
+ Naboths, Popish ones, how distinguished, 25.
+
+ Nation, rights of, proportionate to size, 20.
+
+ National pudding, its effect on the organs of speech, a curious
+           physiological fact, 25.
+
+ Nephelim, not yet extinct, 124.
+
+ New England overpoweringly honoured, 48
+   --wants no more speakers, _ib._
+   --done brown by whom, _ib._
+   --her experience in beans beyond Cicero's, 84.
+
+ Newspaper, the, wonderful, 70
+   --a strolling theatre, 71
+   --thoughts suggested by tearing wrapper of, 72
+   --a vacant sheet, _ib._
+   --a sheet in which a vision was let down, 73
+   --wrapper to a bar of soap, _ib._
+   --a cheap impromptu platter, _ib._
+
+ New York, Letters from, commended, 76.
+
+ Next life, what, 72.
+
+ Niggers, 5
+   --area of abusing extended, 46
+   --Mr. Sawin's opinions of, 117.
+
+ Ninepence a day low for murder, 14.
+
+ No, a monosyllable, 25
+   --hard to utter, _ib._
+
+ Noah, inclosed letter in bottle, probably, 75.
+
+ Nornas, Lapland, what, 101.
+
+ North, has no business, 58
+   --bristling, crowded off roost, 81.
+
+ North Bend, geese inhumanly treated at, 82
+   --mentioned, 113.
+
+ North Star, a proposition to indict, 62.
+
+
+ Off ox, 70.
+
+ Officers, miraculous transformation in character of, 21
+   --Anglo-Saxon, come very near being anathematized, 22.
+
+ O'Phace, Increase D., Esq., speech of, 40.
+
+ Oracle of Fools, still respectfully consulted, 41.
+
+ Orion, becomes commonplace, 73.
+
+ Orrery, Lord, his letters (lord!), 76.
+
+ Ostracism, curious species of, 41.
+
+
+ Palestine, 23.
+
+ Palfrey, Hon. J. G., 41, 50 (a worthy representative of Massachusetts.)
+
+ Pantagruel recommends a popular oracle, 41.
+
+ Panurge, his interview with Goatsnose, 84.
+
+ Papists, female, slain by zealous Protestant bomb-shell, 104.
+
+ Paralipomenon, a man suspected of being, 82.
+
+ Paris, liberal principles safe as far away as, 66.
+
+ _Parliamentum Indoctorum_ sitting in permanence, 44.
+
+ Past, the, a good nurse, 55.
+
+ Patience, sister, quoted, 16.
+
+ Paynims, their throats propagandistically cut, 23.
+
+ Penelope, her wise choice, 32.
+
+ People, soft enough, 68
+   --want correct ideas, 97.
+
+ Pepin, King, 76.
+
+ Periwig, 80.
+
+ Persius, a pithy saying of, 46, _note_.
+
+ Pescara, Marquis, saying of, 10.
+
+ Peter, Saint, a letter of (_post-mortem_), 76.
+
+ Pharisees, opprobriously referred to, 66.
+
+ Philippe, Louis, in pea-jacket, 71.
+
+ Phlegyas quoted, 63.
+
+ Phrygian language, whether Adam spoke it, 11.
+
+ Pilgrims, the, 45.
+
+ Pillows, constitutional, 49.
+
+ Pinto, Mr., some letters of his commended, 76.
+
+ Pisgah, an impromptu one, 100.
+
+ Platform, party, a convenient one, 97.
+
+ Plato, supped with, 75
+   --his man, 82.
+
+ Pleiades, the, not enough esteemed, 73.
+
+ Pliny, his letters not admired, 76.
+
+ Plotinus, a story of, 55.
+
+ Plymouth Rock, Old, a Convention wrecked on, 45.
+
+ Point Tribulation, Mr. Sawin wrecked on, 100.
+
+ Poles, exile, whether crop of beans depends on, 19, _note_.
+
+ Polk, President, synonymous with our country, 30
+   --censured, 44
+   --in danger of being crushed, 46.
+
+ Polka, Mexican, 24.
+
+ Pomp, a runaway slave, his nest, 117
+   --hypocritically groans like white man, 118
+   --blind to Christian privileges, 119
+   --his society valued at fifty dollars, _ib._
+   --his treachery, 120
+   --takes Mr. Sawin prisoner, 121
+   --cruelly makes him work, _ib._
+   --puts himself illegally under his tuition, 122
+   --dismisses him with contumelious epithets, _ib._
+
+ Pontifical bull, a tamed one, 22.
+
+ Pope, his verse excellent, 11.
+
+ Pork, refractory in boiling, 22.
+
+ Portugal, Alphonso the Sixth of, a monster, 123.
+
+ Post, Boston, 33
+   --shaken visibly, 34
+   --bad guide-post, _ib._
+   --too swift, _ib._
+   --edited by a colonel, _ib._
+   --who is presumed officially in Mexico, _ib._
+   --referred to, 59.
+
+ Pot-hooks, death in, 59.
+
+ Preacher, an ornamental symbol, 65
+   --a breeder of dogmas, _ib._
+   --earnestness of, important, 123.
+
+ Present, considered as an annalist, 65
+   --not long wonderful, 73.
+
+ President, slaveholding natural to, 66
+   --must be a Southern resident, 98
+   --must own a nigger, _ib._
+
+ Principle, exposure spoils it, 43.
+
+ Principles, bad, when less harmful, 27.
+
+ Prophecy, a notable one, 51, _note_.
+
+ Proviso, bitterly spoken of, 79.
+
+ Prudence, sister, her idiosyncratic teapot, 92.
+
+ Psammeticus, an experiment of, 11.
+
+ Public opinion a blind and drunken guide, 25
+   --nudges Mr. Wilbur's elbow, 26
+   --ticklers of, 45.
+
+ Pythagoras a bean-hater, why, 84.
+
+ Pythagoreans, fish reverenced by, why, 54.
+
+
+ Quixote, Don, 57.
+
+
+ Rag, one of sacred college, 25.
+
+ Rantoul, Mr., talks loudly, 16
+   --pious reason for not enlisting, _ib._
+
+ Recruiting sergeant, Devil supposed the first, 10.
+
+ Representatives' Chamber, 54.
+
+ Rhinothism, society for promoting, 74.
+
+ Rhyme, whether natural _not_ considered, 11.
+
+ Rib, an infrangible one, 90.
+
+ Richard the First of England, his Christian fervour, 23.
+
+ Riches conjectured to have legs as well as wings, 62.
+
+ Robinson, Mr. John P., his opinions fully stated, 27-31.
+
+ Rocks, pocket full of, 91.
+
+ Rough and Ready, 111
+   --a wig, 112
+   --a kind of scratch, _ib._
+
+ Russian eagle turns Prussian blue, 50.
+
+
+ Sabbath, breach of, 27.
+
+ Sabellianism, one accused of, 82.
+
+ Saltillo, unfavourable view of, 17.
+
+ Salt-river in, Mexican, what, 17.
+
+ Samuel, Uncle, riotous, 50
+   --yet has qualities demanding reverence, 66
+   --a good provider for his family, 68
+   --an exorbitant bill of, 103.
+
+ Sansculottes, draw their wine before drinking, 61.
+
+ Santa Anna, his expensive leg, 96.
+
+ Satan, never wants attorneys, 22
+   --an expert talker by signs, _ib._
+   --a successful fisherman with little or no bait, 23
+   --cunning fetch of, 27
+   --dislikes ridicule, 34
+   --ought not to have credit of ancient oracles, 51, _note_.
+
+ Satirist, incident to certain dangers, 28.
+
+ Savages, Canadian, chance of redemption offered to, 123.
+
+ Sawin, B., Esquire, his letter not written in verse, 11
+   --a native of Jaalam, 12
+   --not regular attendant on Rev. Mr. Wilbur's preaching, _ib._
+   --a fool, _ib._
+   --his statements trustworthy, _ib._
+   --his ornithological tastes, _ib._
+   --letter from, 13, 86, 106
+   --his curious discovery in regard to bayonets, 15
+   --displays proper family pride, _ib._
+   --modestly confesses himself less wise than the Queen of Sheba, 19
+   --the old Adam in, peeps out, 21
+   --a _miles emeritus_, 86
+   --is made text for a sermon, _ib._
+   --loses a leg, 88
+   --an eye, 89
+   --left hand, _ib._
+   --four fingers of right hand, _ib._
+   --has six or more ribs broken, _ib._
+   --a rib of his infrangible, 90
+   --allows a certain amount of preterite greenness in himself, 90, 91
+   --his share of spoil limited, _ib._
+   --his opinion of Mexican climate, 92
+   --acquires property of a certain sort, 93
+   --his experience of glory, 93, 94
+   --stands sentry, and puns thereupon, 95
+   --undergoes martyrdom in some of its most painful forms, _ib._
+   --enters the candidating business, 96
+   --modestly states the (avail) abilities which qualify him for high
+           political station, 96, 99
+   --has no principles, 96
+   --a peaceman, _ib._
+   --unpledged, 97
+   --has no objections to owning _peculiar_ property, but would not like
+           to monopolize the truth, 98
+   --his account with glory, 99
+   --a selfish motive hinted in, 100
+   --sails for Eldorado, _ib._
+   --shipwrecked on a metaphorical promontory, _ib._
+   --parallel between, and Rev. Mr. Wilbur (not Plutarchian), 102
+   --conjectured to have bathed in river Selemnus, 106
+   --loves plough wisely, but not too well, _ib._
+   --a foreign mission probably expected by, 107
+   --unanimously nominated for presidency, 108
+   --his country's father-in-law, 109
+   --nobly emulates Cincinnatus, 110
+   --is not a crooked stick, _ib._
+   --advises his adherents, _ib._
+   --views of, on present state of politics, 110-117
+   --popular enthusiasm for, at Bellers's, and its disagreeable
+           consequences, 111
+   --inhuman treatment of, by Bellers, 112
+   --his opinion of the two parties, 113
+   --agrees with Mr. Webster, _ib._
+   --his antislavery zeal, 115
+   --his proper self-respect, _ib._
+   --his unaffected piety, _ib._
+   --his not intemperate temperance, 117
+   --a thrilling adventure of, 117-122
+   --his prudence and economy, 117
+   --bound to Captain Jakes, but regains his freedom, 119
+   --is taken prisoner, 121-122
+   --ignominiously treated, 121-122
+   --his consequent resolution, 122.
+
+ Sayres, a martyr, 55.
+
+ Scaliger, saying of, 28.
+
+ _Scarabaeus pilularius_, 18.
+
+ Scott, General, his claims to the presidency, 34, 37.
+
+ Scythians, their diplomacy commended, 84.
+
+ Seamen, coloured, sold, 8.
+
+ Selemnus, a sort of Lethean river, 106.
+
+ Senate, debate in, made readable, 55.
+
+ Seneca, saying of, 27
+   --another, 51
+   --overrated by a saint (but see Lord Bolingbroke's opinion of, in a
+           letter to Dean Swift), 76
+   --his letters not commended, _ib._
+   --a son of Rev. Mr. Wilbur, 102.
+
+ Serbonian bog of literature, 54.
+
+ Sextons, demand for, 61
+   --heroic official devotion of one, 120.
+
+ Shaking fever, considered as an employer, 93.
+
+ Shakspeare, a good reporter, 40.
+
+ Sham, President, honest, 45.
+
+ Sheba, Queen of, 19.
+
+ Sheep, none of Rev. Mr. Wilbur's turned wolves, 12.
+
+ Shem, Scriptural curse of, 122.
+
+ Show, natural to love it, 17, _note_.
+
+ Silver spoon born in Democracy's mouth what, 43.
+
+ Sinai suffers outrages, 66.
+
+ Sin, wilderness of, modern, what, 66.
+
+ Skin, hole in, strange taste of some for, 94.
+
+ Slaughter, whether God strengthen us for, 24.
+
+ Slaughterers and soldiers compared, 104.
+
+ Slaughtering nowadays _is_ slaughtering, 104.
+
+ Slavery, of no colour, 6
+   --cornerstone of liberty, 52
+   --also keystone, 58
+   --last crumb of Eden, 61
+   --a Jonah, 62
+   --an institution, 80
+   --a private State concern, 118.
+
+ Smith, Joe, used as a translation, 65.
+
+ Smith, John, an interesting character, 74.
+
+ Smith, Mr., fears entertained for, 63
+   --dined with, 75.
+
+ Smith, N. B., his magnanimity, 75.
+
+ Soandso, Mr., the great, defines his position, 75.
+
+ Sol, the fisherman, 18
+   --soundness of respiratory organs hypothetically attributed to, _ib._
+
+ Solon, a saying of, 25.
+
+ South Carolina, futile attempt to anchor, 57.
+
+ Spanish, to walk, what, 20.
+
+ Speech-making, an abuse of gift of speech, 53.
+
+ Star, north, subject to indictment, whether, 62.
+
+ Store, cheap cash, a wicked fraud, 102.
+
+ Strong, Governor Caleb, a patriot, 32.
+
+ Swearing, commended as a figure of speech, 13, _note_.
+
+ Swift, Dean, threadbare saying of, 34.
+
+
+ Tag, elevated to the Cardinalate, 25.
+
+ Taxes, direct, advantages of, 103.
+
+ Taylor zeal, its origin, 111
+   --General, greased by Mr. Choate, 113.
+
+ Thanks, get lodged, 93.
+
+ Thirty-nine articles might be made serviceable, 24.
+
+ Thor, a foolish attempt of, 57.
+
+ Thumb, General Thomas, a valuable member of society, 49.
+
+ Thunder, supposed in easy circumstances, 90.
+
+ Thynne, Mr., murdered, 10.
+
+ Time, an innocent personage to swear by, 13, _note_
+   --a scene-shifter, 72.
+
+ Toms, Peeping, 74.
+
+ Trees, various kinds of extraordinary ones, 100.
+
+ Trowbridge, William, mariner, adventure of, 24.
+
+ Truth and falsehood start from same point, 27
+   --truth invulnerable to satire, _ib._
+   --compared to a river, 40
+   --of fiction sometimes truer than fact, _ib._
+   --told plainly, _passim_.
+
+ Tuileries, exciting scene at, 51.
+
+ Tully, a saying of, 43, _note_.
+
+ Tweedledee, gospel according to, 66.
+
+ Tweedledum, great principles of, 66.
+
+
+ Ulysses, husband of Penelope, 32
+   --borrows money, 101. (For full particulars of, see Homer and Dante.)
+
+ University, triennial catalogue of, 36.
+
+
+ Van Buren fails of gaining Mr. Sawin's confidence, 116
+   --his son John reproved, _ib._
+
+ Van, Old, plan to set up, 115.
+
+ Venetians, invented something once, 101.
+
+ Vices, cardinal, sacred conclave of, 24.
+
+ Victoria, Queen, her natural terror, 50.
+
+ Vratz, Captain, a Pomeranian, singular views of, 10.
+
+
+ Walpole, Horace, classed, 75
+   --his letters praised, 76.
+
+ Waltham Plain, Cornwallis at, 14.
+
+ Walton, punctilious in his intercourse with fishes, 25.
+
+ War, abstract, horrid, 79
+   --its hoppers, grist of, what, 94.
+
+ Warton, Thomas, a story of, 38.
+
+ Washington, charge brought against, 109.
+
+ Washington, city of, climatic influence of, on coats, 44
+   --mentioned, 55
+   --grand jury of, 62.
+
+ Washingtons, two hatched at a time by improved machine, 109.
+
+ Wate, Taunton, proverbially weak, 117.
+
+ Water-trees, 100.
+
+ Webster, some sentiments of, commended by Mr. Sawin, 113.
+
+ Westcott, Mr., his horror, 61.
+
+ Whig party, has a large throat, 35
+   --but query as to swallowing spurs, 114.
+
+ White-house, 81.
+
+ Wife-trees, 100.
+
+ Wilbur, Rev. Homer, A. M., consulted, 2
+   --his instructions to his flock, 12
+   --a proposition of his for Protestant bombshells, 24
+   --his elbow nudged, 26
+   --his notions of satire, 27
+   --some opinions of his quoted with apparent approval by Mr. Biglow, 31
+   --geographical speculations of, 32
+   --a justice of the peace, _ib._
+   --a letter of, 33
+   --a Latin pun of, _ib._
+   --runs against a post without injury, 34
+   --does not seek notoriety (whatever some malignants may affirm), 36
+   --fits youths for college, _ib._
+   --a chaplain during late war with England, 38
+   --a shrewd observation of, 40
+   --some curious speculations of, 52, 54
+   --his martello-tower, 53
+   --forgets he is not in pulpit, 62, 86
+   --extracts from sermon of, 64, 70
+   --interested in John Smith, 74
+   --his views concerning present state of letters, 74, 77
+   --a stratagem of, 82
+   --ventures two hundred and fourth interpretation of Beast in
+           Apocalypse, 83
+   --christens Hon. B. Sawin, then an infant, 86
+   --an addition to our _sylva_ proposed by, 100
+   --curious and instructive adventure of, 101, 102
+   --his account with an unnatural uncle, 103
+   --his uncomfortable imagination, 104
+   --speculations concerning Cincinnatus, 106
+   --confesses digressive tendency of mind, 123
+   --goes to work on sermon (not without fear that his readers will dub
+           him with a reproachful epithet like that with which Isaac
+           Allerton, a Mayflower man, revenges himself on a delinquent
+           debtor of his, calling him in his will, and thus holding him
+           up to posterity, as "John Peterson, THE BORE"), 125.
+
+ Wilbur, Mrs., an invariable rule of, 37
+   --her profile, _ib._
+
+ Wildbore, a vernacular one, how to escape, 54.
+
+ Wind, the, a good Samaritan, 86.
+
+ Wooden leg, remarkable for sobriety, 88
+   --never eats pudding, 90.
+
+ Wright, Colonel, providentially rescued, 18.
+
+ Wrong, abstract, safe to oppose, 46.
+
+
+ Zack, Old, 110.
+
+
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The Biglow Papers, by James Russell Lowell
+
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