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diff --git a/22645-8.txt b/22645-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6816a47 --- /dev/null +++ b/22645-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1639 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 104, +March 18, 1893, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 104, March 18, 1893 + +Author: Various + +Editor: Francis Burnand + +Release Date: September 17, 2007 [EBook #22645] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + + + + +Produced by V. L. Simpson, Juliet Sutherland and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + +PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI + + +VOL 104. + + + + +March 18, 1893. + + + + + [Illustration: "WELL MATCHED." + + _Medico_ (_pathetically, with a view to touching the + Dealer's heart_). "NOW, MR. BOBBS, WHAT _DO_ YOU THINK I + COULD GET A THOROUGHLY GOOD USEFUL PAIR OF HORSES FOR, + EH? PRICE NOT STIFF." + + _Mr. Bobbs._ "LOR' BLESS YOU, SIR, TO FIND + HORSES--NOTHIN' EASIER. BUT, AS REGARDS + _PRICE_--WELL--YOU CAN HAVE 'EM AT ALL PRICES, JUST AS + YOU CAN DOCTORS!"] + + * * * * * + +MIXED NOTIONS. + +No. VII.--PARLIAMENTARY PROCEDURE. + +(_Scene and Persons as usual._) + +_Inquirer_ (_to First Well-Informed Man_). I say, have you ever been in +the House of Commons? + +_First W. I. M._ (_shortly_). No, you know I haven't. + +_Inquirer._ Oh, I don't mean as a Member. Of course I know you wouldn't +stand the rot of all these Constituents, or whatever they call +themselves. But have you ever been there as a visitor while a debate's +going on? + +_First W. I. M._ Yes, once--some years ago. But why do you ask? + +_Inquirer_ (_producing an order of admission_). Well, you see, I got old +JENKINS to give me a ticket for to-night, and I'm hanged if I know how +I'm to get there, or when I'm to go, or anything about it. I thought you +might be able to tell me how it's done. + +_First W. I. M._ Let's have a look at your ticket. + + [_Both the_ Well-Informed Men _inspect it with an air of + critical sagacity._ + +_First W. I. M._ (_after a prolonged pause_). I don't see where your +difficulty is. You just present this! at the door. + +_Inquirer._ Ah, I daresay!--but what door? That's what I want to know. +The place looks as if it had about fifty thousand doors, you know. And +then I believe, if you make any mistakes, they march you off, in +two-twos, as a dynamiter, or a Socialist, or an agitator, or something. +You know old BONKER. Well, he went there once with a black bag, in which +he'd got some sandwiches and cake, and, just because he wouldn't open +it, they made no end of a row, and shoved him in the Clock-tower, or +something, until he apologised. I don't want any of those games, you +know. + +_Average Man._ Don't take a black bag then. They won't want to search +your pockets. + +_Inquirer_ (_relieved_). Won't they? That's one comfort, at any rate. Do +you think I ought to go in at the big entrance? + +_First W. I. M._ Of course you ought. The others are only for Members. + +_Inquirer._ Ah! And I suppose I ought to get there pretty early now that +they've changed their hours. (_With determination._) I'll go about +half-past eleven. + + [_A pause. They read papers._ + +_Inquirer_ (_suddenly, with intense alarm_). Oh, I say, look here, you +chaps. Here's old GLADSTONE gone and suspended the Twelve o'Clock Rule. +What does that mean? + +_Second W. I. M._ It means that they start everything at twelve o'clock +in the day. + +_First W. I. M._ No, it doesn't. It means that they don't start anything +till twelve o'clock at night. + +_Second W. I. M._ (_pityingly_). My dear fellow, where have you been all +these years? They _always_ go home on the stroke of midnight now. + +_First W. I. M._ That's just where you're wrong. Midnight to two in the +morning is just jolly well their best time now. + +_Second W. I. M._ I'll bet you half a thick 'un you're wrong! + +_First W. I. M._ And I'll bet you half a thick 'un I'm right! + + [_The argument continues for some minutes in this + strain._ + +_Inquirer._ I wonder if they'll have any obstruction. I should like to +see some of that. I believe it's no end amusing. + +_Second W. I. M._ Oh, you may trust this Opposition for that. Their only +notion for employing time is to obstruct everything and everybody. + +_First W. I. M._ (_with a deadly calmness_). Ah! you call it +obstruction, of course, because you want to rush your iniquitous Bills +through the House. But you don't think we're going to stand that, do +you?--because we're not, and the Country's with us. Just look at +Grimsby. + +_Second W. I. M._ All right! Suppose you look at Cirencester. + +_First W. I. M._ What do you say to Stockport then? + +_Second W. I. M._ And what do _you_ say to Walsham and Hexall, and all +the rest of them? (_At the suggestion of the_ Average Man, _they abandon +this fiery debate. A pause._) + +_Inquirer._ Who's Speaker now? + +_First W. I. M._ Sir ROBERT PEEL. + +_Inquirer._ Will he be there to-night? + +_First W. I. M._ Of course he will. He's got to be there. + +_Inquirer._ But then what does the Chairman of Committee do? + +_First W. I. M._ Oh, ah,--um, let me see; the Chairman of Committee +does----(_Brightly._) He's only appointed, you know, when they want a +Committee about something. + +_Second W. I. M._ I fancy he has to read the Bills. + +_First W. I. M._ (_gathering assurance as he proceeds_). Not when +they're read a first time. Somebody else does that--I forget what they +call him. The Chairman reads 'em a second time, and takes 'em up to the +House of Lords. + +_Inquirer._ So he does, of course. I ought to have remembered that. But +I'd got a sort of notion they didn't really read the Bills at all--just +chucked 'em into a bag, and called it a Second Reading. + +_First W. I. M._ (_condescendingly_). That's how they used to do it +about ten years ago; but they had to alter the whole thing after they +got BRADLAUGH into the House. + +_Inquirer._ Why was that? + +_First W. I. M._ Well, he wouldn't take an oath, you know; so, after +that, they altered everything. + +_Inquirer_ (_with admiration_). By Jove, what a chap you are for +recollecting things! + + [_Terminus._ + + * * * * * + +QUEER QUERIES. + +A NEW POLL-TAX.--Would somebody inform me of the easiest way of getting +into Parliament? I see that Members are soon going to be paid, and that +would be very useful to me, as my present yearly expenses are £1,500, +and my income barely £150. Had I better try as a "Labour Candidate"? I +feel that I may claim the title, on account of the labour--twelve hours +at least _per diem_--which I have to expend on getting out of the way of +my creditors. I presume that, before long, there will be Parliaments all +over the place, for England, Wales, and Scotland, as well as for +Ireland, and I want to get into _all_! At least, I want to get into all +where the excellent system of payment of Members is adopted, with +salaries "On the higher scale," as they say in the Courts. It is curious +that, when I explain to my creditors this most promising source of +prospective income, they don't seem to see it! But creditors always were +a purblind race.--WOULD-BE LEGISLATOR. + + * * * * * + +THE "WITLER" AND THE "WASSER-MAIDEN." + +_A Ballad of Bungdom._ (_After Hans Breitmann's Ballad of the Mermaid._) + + [Illustration] + + Der noble Witler[A] BUNGO + Von Schvillenschviggenop, + Rode out mit shpeer und helmet, + Und he coom to de panks of de Schlopp, + + [A] Licensed Victualler. + + Und oop dere rose a Meer-maid + Vot hadn't got nodings on. + Und she say, "Oh, Witler BUNGO, + Vhere you goes mit yourself alone?" + + Und he says, "I rides mine high-horse, + Mit helmet und mit shpeer, + Till I gooms unto mine Gasthaus,[B] + Vhere I sells goot wine und peer." + + [B] Tavern, or Wine Shop. + + Und den outspoke de Maiden + Vot hadn't got nodings on: + "I ton't dink mooch of beoplesh + Dat cares for demselfs alone. + + You'd petter coom down to de Wasser,-- + 'Tis de pest trink ash you'll see,-- + Und haf a wholesome tinner + Mit Schlopp-Vash, along mit me." + + "Dere you sees de fisch a-schwimmin! + Und dere healthy efery one." + So sang dis Wasser-Maiden, + Vot hadn't got nodings on. + + "Your shtrong tipplesh cost mooch money, + Dere ish death in de trinks you've sold; + Und you helps yourself, by doonder, + To de Vorkmansh hard-earned gold. + + "Shoost look at doze sodden wretches, + Vhite schlafes of de Witler Rings! + From dere 'trunks' you vill your pockets, + Und you rob dem like efery dings. + + "Vot _dey_ vantsh mit your schnaps[C] und lager, + Vitrioled gin and doctored wine? + Smash your pottles, and preak your parrels, + Und try dese Schlopps of mine!" + + [C] Drams, drinks. + + * * * + + Vill _dat_ fetch him! He standsh as shpellbound! + She vould pool his coat-tails down. + She von't draw _him_ oonder der Wasser-- + Dat Maiden mit nodings on! + + * * * * * + +OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. + +Thank you, Mrs. HUNGERFORD (says the Baron, bowing his very best to the +talented authoress), for one of the cheeriest, freshest, and +sweetest--if I may be allowed to use the epithet--of one-volume'd +stories I've read for many a day. The three daughters are delightful. I +question whether you couldn't have done better with "two only, as are +generally necessary;" but perhaps this is ungrateful on my part. Anyway, +two out of the three lovers are scarcely worth mentioning, so I don't +think I am far wrong, for the team was a bit unmanageable, well as you +had them in hand. Excellent, too, is the sketch of _Dad_, though that of +_Aunt Jane_ is a trifle too grotesque, and will, perforce, remind those +of your readers, who are theatre-goers, of Mr. PENLEY in petticoats, now +actually playing "_Charley's_" irresistibly comic _Aunt_ at the Globe +Theatre. But it is all good, and not too good to be true. Likewise, my +dear Madame, you have given us two life-like sketches, one of a +car-driver with his vicious mare, and the other of _Molly's_ little dog. +In conclusion, I congratulate you, Mrs. HUNGERFORD, as also the +publisher, Mr. HEINEMANN, on having secured so good a specimen of the +material for sale in this Hungerford market, says + + THE BARON DE B.-W. + + * * * * * + +HOME, CHEAP HOME! + + "Thine be a cot beside a hill," + Hums Mrs. HAWEIS in our ear; + "Such cots are in the market still, + At only thirty pounds a year. + + "Then, as for furnishing the fold, + Another fifty pounds will do it; + But mind you stick to what is old, + Nor carry modern rubbish to it! + + "Your chairs must all be Chippendale, + Your tables of the native oak, + Your sofas"--but of what avail! + To further urge this little joke? + + For in this cot the chairs may be + Much chipped, but hardly Chippendale, + Unless the lady will agree + To costs "upon the _hire_ scale." + + * * * * * + + Said a prim Bachelor, in a nasty temper, after a + struggle with an ultra-stiffened clean shirt, "I should + like to indict my laundress at the Old Bailey, charge + her with murdering my linen, and, as evidence, I'd + produce the mangled remains in Court." + + * * * * * + + MRS. R. has been studying architecture, She says that + "all Schoolmasters' Houses ought to be built in the + Early Perpendicular Tutor style." + + * * * * * + + [Illustration: "WHERE A FOOTMAN IS KEPT." + + "BUT WHY DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE, SARAH? IT'S NOT A HARD + PLACE, AND JOHN DOES MOST OF YOUR WORK?" + + "YES, MA'AM! BUT--A--JOHN HAS NO CONVERSATION?"] + + * * * * * + +LIQUID AIR. + + A learned Professor, the other day, + At the Royal Institution, + Explained, in a quite scientific way, + How, helped by a contribution + From the Goldsmiths' Company, he'd prepare + Some liquid oxygen--you're aware + This is what plain English folks call "air" + Unspoilt by smoky pollution. + + No doubt he meant well, and the Goldsmiths too, + In their noble work together; + But was it the very best thing to do, + In that showery, soaking weather; + When drizzle, or downpour, of dogs and cats, + From the "liquid air" made us all drowned rats, + And ruined our clothes and our best top-hats, + And spoilt boots of the stoutest leather? + + Professors and Companies, if you would + Invent some sort of appliance + To dry "liquid air," on which we could + Repose implicit reliance, + Arranged to diminish this H_{2}O, + Which, as every schoolboy ought to know, + The Germans call _wasser_, the French call _eau_, + We should bless your chemical science. + + * * * * * + + CON. FOR CAPITALISTS. + + _Q._ Why is it clear the Sparrow is an advocate of Free + Competition? + + _A._ Because his everlasting cry is, "Cheep-Cheep!" + + * * * * * + + "THE GOTHENBURG SYSTEM."--Mrs. R. warmly espouses the + cause of Temperance. She is very strong on what she has + heard is called "The Gotobed System," in Sweden. + + * * * * * + +PILL-DOCTOR HERDAL. + +(_Translated from the Original Norwegian by Mr. Punch._) + +SECOND ACT. + +DR. HERDAL'S _Drawing-room and Dispensary, as before. It is early in the +day._ Dr. HERDAL _sits by the little table, taking his own temperature +with a clinical thermometer. By the door stands the_ New Book-keeper; +_he wears blue spectacles and a discoloured white tie, and seems +slightly nervous._ + +_Dr. Herd._ Well, now you understand what is necessary. My late +book-keeper, Miss BLAKDRAF, used to keep my accounts very cleverly--she +charged every visit twice over. + +_The New B._ I am familiar with book-keeping by double entry. I was once +employed at a Bank. + +_Dr. Herd._ I am discharging my assistant, too; he was always trying to +push me out with his pills. Perhaps you will be able to dispense? + +_The New B._ (_modestly_). With an additional salary, I should be able +to do that too. + +_Dr. Herd._ Capital! You _shall_ dispense with an additional salary. Go +into the Dispensary, and see what you can make of it. You may mistake a +few drugs at first--but everything must have a beginning. + + [_As the_ New B. _retires,_ Mrs. HERDAL _enters in a hat + and cloak with a watering-pot, noiselessly._ + +_Mrs. Herd._ Miss WANGEL got up early, before breakfast, and went for a +walk. She is so wonderfully vivacious! + +_Dr. Herd._ So I should say. But tell me, ALINE, is she _really_ going +to stay with us here? [_Nervously._ + +_Mrs. Herd._ (_looks at him_). So she tells me. And, as she has brought +nothing with her except a tooth-brush and a powder-puff, I am going into +the town to get her a few articles. We _must_ make her feel at home. + +_Dr. Herd._ (_breaking out_). I _will_ make her not only _feel_, but +_be_ at home, wherever that is, this very day! I will _not_ have a +perambulating Allegory without a portmanteau here on an indefinite +visit. I say, she shall go--do you hear, ALINE? Miss WANGEL will go! + + [_Raps with his fist on table._ + +_Mrs. Herd._ (_quietly_). If you say so, HAUSTUS, no doubt she will +_have_ to go. But you must tell her so yourself. + + [_Puts the watering-pot on the console table, and goes + out, as_ HILDA _enters, sparkling with pleasure._ + +_Hilda_ (_goes up straight to him_). Good morning, Dr. HERDAL. I have +just seen a pig killed. It was _ripping_--I mean, gloriously thrilling! +And your wife has taken a tremendous fancy to me. Fancy _that_! + +_Dr. Herd._ (_gloomily_). It _is_ eccentric certainly. But my poor dear +wife was always a little---- + +_Hilda_ (_nods her head slowly several times_). So _you_ have noticed +that too? I have had a long talk with her. She can't get over your +discharging Mr. KALOMEL--he is the only man who ever _really_ understood +her. + +_Dr. Herd._ If I could only pay her off a little bit of the huge, +immeasurable debt I owe her--but I can't! + +_Hilda_ (_looks hard at him_). Can't _I_ help you? I helped RAGNAR +BROVIK. Didn't you know I stayed with him and poor little KAIA--after +that accident to my Master Builder? I did. I made RAGNAR build me the +loveliest castle in the air--lovelier, even, than poor Mr. SOLNESS'S +would have been--and we stood together on the very top. The steps were +rather too much for KAIA. Besides, there was no room for her on top. And +he put towering spires on all his semi-detached villas. Only, somehow, +they didn't let. Then the castle in the air tumbled down, and RAGNAR +went into liquidation, and I continued my walking-tour. + + [Illustration: "Beautiful rainbow-coloured powders that + will give one a real grip on the world!"] + +_Dr. Herd._ (_interested against his will_). And where did you go after +_that_, may I ask, Miss WANGEL? + +_Hilda._ Oh, ever so far North. There I met Mr. and Mrs. TESMAN--the +second Mrs. TESMAN--she who was Mrs. ELVSTED, with the irritating hair, +you know. They were on their honeymoon, and had just decided that it was +impossible to reconstruct poor Mr. LÖVBORG'S great book out of Mrs. +ELVSTED'S rough notes. But I insisted on GEORGE'S attempting the +impossible--with Me. And what _do_ you think Mrs. TESMAN wears in her +hair _now_? + +_Dr. Herd._ Why, really I could not say. Vine-leaves, perhaps. + +_Hilda._ Wrong--_straws!_ Poor TESMAN _didn't_ fancy that--so he shot +himself, _un_-beautifully, through his ticket-pocket. And I went on and +took Rosmersholm for the Summer. There had been misfortune in the house, +so it was to let. Dear good old Rector KROLL acted as my reference; his +wife and children had no sympathy with his views, so I used to see him +every day. And I persuaded him, too, to attempt the impossible--he had +never ridden anything but a rocking-horse in his life, but I made him +promise to mount the White Horse of the Rosmersholms. He didn't get over +_that_. They found his body, a fortnight afterwards, in the mill-dam. +Thrilling! + +_Dr. Herd._ (_shakes his finger at her_). What a girl you are, Miss +WANGEL! But you mustn't play these games _here_, you know. + +_Hilda_ (_laughs to herself_). Of course not. But I suppose I _am_ a +strange sort of bird. + +_Dr. Herd._ You are like a strong tonic. When I look at you I seem to be +regarding an effervescing saline draught. Still, I really must decline +to take you. + +_Hilda_ (_a little sulky_). That is not how you spoke ten years ago, up +at the mountain station, when you were such a flirt! + +_Dr. Herd._ _Was_ I a flirt? Deuce take me if I remember. But I am not +like that _now_. + +_Hilda._ Then you have really forgotten how you sat next to me at the +_table d'hôte_, and made pills and swallowed them, and were so splendid +and buoyant and free that all the old women who knitted left next day? + +_Dr. Herd._ What a memory you have for trifles, Miss WANGEL, it's quite +wonderful! + +_Hilda._ Trifles! There was no trifling on _your_ part. When you +promised to come back in ten years, like a troll, and fetch me! + +_Dr. Herd._ Did I say all that? It _must_ have been _after table +d'hôte_! + +_Hilda._ It was. I was a mere chit then--only twenty-three; but I +remember. And now _I_ have come for _you_. + +_Dr. Herd._ Dear, dear! But there is nothing of the troll about me now I +have married Mrs. SOLNESS. + +_Hilda_ (_looking sharply at him_). Yes, I remember you were always +dropping in to tea in those days. + +_Dr. Herd._ (_seems hurt_). Every visit was duly put down in the ledger +and charged for--as poor little SENNA will tell you. + +_Hilda._ Little SENNA? Oh, Dr. HERDAL, I believe there is a bit of the +troll left in you still! + +_Dr. Herd._ (_laughs a little_). No, no; my conscience is perfectly +robust--always was. + +_Hilda._ Are you quite _quite_ sure that, when you went indoors with +dear Mrs. SOLNESS that afternoon, and left me alone with my Master +Builder, you did not foresee--perhaps wish--intend, even a little, +that----H'm? + +_Dr. Herd._ That you would talk the poor man into clambering up that +tower? You want to drag _Me_ into that business now! + +_Hilda_ (_teasingly_). Yes, I certainly think that then you went on +exactly like a troll. + +_Dr. Herd._ (_with uncontrollable emotion_). HILDA, there is not a +corner of me safe from you! Yes, I see now that _must_ have been the way +of it. Then I _was_ a troll in that, too! But isn't it terrible the +price I have had to pay for it? To have a wife who----. No, I shall +never roll a pill again--never, never! + +_Hilda_ (_lays her head on the stove, and answers as if half asleep_). +No more pills? Poor Doctor HERDAL! + +_Dr. Herd._ (_bitterly_). No--nothing but cosy commonplace grey powders +for a whole troop of children. + +_Hilda_ (_lively again_). Not _grey_ powders! (_Quite seriously._) I will +tell you what you shall make next. Beautiful rainbow-coloured powders +that will give one a real grip on the world. Powders to make everyone +free and buoyant, and ready to grasp at one's own happiness, to _dare_ +what one _would_. I will have you make them. I will--I _will!_ + +_Dr. Herd._ H'm! I am not quite sure that I clearly understand. And then +the ingredients--? + +_Hilda._ What stupid people all of you pill-doctors are, to be sure! +Why, they will be _poisons_, of course! + +_Dr. Herd._ Poisons? Why in the world should they be _that_? + +_Hilda_ (_without answering him_). All the thrillingest, deadliest +poisons--it is only such things that are wholesome, nowadays. + +_Dr. Herd._ (_as if caught by her enthusiasm_). And I could colour them, +too, by exposing them to rays cast through a prism. Oh, HILDA, how I +have needed you all these years! For, you see, with _her_ it was +impossible to discuss such things. [_Embraces her._ + +_Mrs. Herd._ (_enters noiselessly through hall-door_). I suppose, +HAUSTUS, you are persuading Miss WANGEL to start by the afternoon +steamer? I have bought her a pair of curling-tongs, and a packet of +hair-pins. The larger parcels are coming on presently. + +_Dr. Herd._ (_uneasily_). H'm! HILDA--Miss WANGEL I _should_ say--is +kindly going to stay on a little longer, to assist me in some scientific +experiments. You wouldn't understand them if I told you. + +_Mrs. Herd._ Shouldn't I, HAUSTUS? I daresay not. + + [_The_ New Book-keeper _looks through the glass-door of + Dispensary._ + +_Hilda_ (_starts violently and points--then in a whisper_). Who is +_that_? + +_Dr. Herd._ Only the New Book-keeper and Assistant--a very intelligent +person. + +_Hilda_ (_looks straight in front of her with a far-away expression, and +whispers to herself_). I thought at first it was.... But no--_that_ +would be _too_ frightfully thrilling! + +_Dr. Herd._ (_to himself_). I'm turning into a regular old troll +now--but I can't help myself. After all, I am only an elderly Norwegian. +We are _made_ like that.... Rainbow powders--_real_ rainbow powders! +With HILDA.... Oh, to have the joy of life once more! + + [_Takes his temperature again as Curtain falls._ + + * * * * * + +PROFESSOR WHITEWASH'S GUIDE TO HISTORY. + +_Question._ Who was WILLIAM the Conqueror? _Answer._ The Managing +Director of an Exploration Company composed of the most respectable +shareholders. + +_Q._ WILLIAM RUFUS, HENRY THE FIRST and RICHARD THE FIRST? + +_A._ RUFUS, a worthy son of a worthy father; HENRY, a scholar, who +strongly objected to over-cramming; and RICHARD, a mild-mannered man, +who modestly shrank from canonisation. + +_Q._ And what do you know about King JOHN? + +_A._ That he gave to a grateful country the Magna Charta. + +_Q._ And all the intermediate monarchs' being equally good, what have +you to say about King HENRY THE EIGHTH? + +_A._ He was a model monarch, and worthy to be the father of MARY and +ELIZABETH. + +_Q._ How about the Royal ladies you have last mentioned? + +_A._ The first had as large a mind as the other a heart. + +_Q._ What do you think of the STUART Family? + +_A._ It was famed for its fidelity, trustfulness, and gratitude. + +_Q._ Were WILLIAM and MARY, and ANNE, pleasant Monarchs? + +_A._ Most pleasant. As witty as they were beautiful. + +_Q._ And how about the GEORGES? + +_A._ All that could be desired--and more. Indeed, all our monarchs have +been of the most exemplary character, against whom the most +scandal-loving would utter no word of complaint. + + [Illustration: The Professor.] + + * * * * * + +THE ENGLISH-FRENCH EMBASSADORE AT THE MANSHUN HOUSE. + + [Illustration] + +WELL, we've bin a going on much as usual at our grand old Manshun House +under our trewly liberal LORD MARE, but I ain't had nothink werry new to +tell about, till a few nites ago, when we had what I can truthfully call +a reel staggerer, and no mistake. It seems as it's allers the custon, +when a Embassadore, who has made hisself werry poplar, is gitting jest a +leetle tired of us, and begins to si for Ome sweet Ome, for the +principalest Gent in London to give him sitch a grand Bankwet as he +ain't never seen afore, and ain't never likely for to see again. So the +LORD MARE, hearing as the French Embassadore was in that werry dellicate +sitiwation, arsked about three hundred of the most heminent Gents in all +London to come to the Manshun House to meet him, and they all came, as +in course they wood do, and that was one of the werry grandest Bankwets +as regards silly brated Gests as ewen I ewer had the honner of waiting +on. + +And now for the staggerers! Just to begin with, why the French +Embassadore is no more a Frenchman than I am! for his name it's +WODDINGTON, and so was his Father's before him, and strange to say, +thanks, I spose, to the splendid dinner, _et setterer_, as was guv him, +he acshally told us as he rowed in the Winning Boat at the Uniwersity +Boat-race at Putney, ewer so many years ago! Werry like a Frenchman, +suttenly, or, as I should prefer saying, werry like a Whale! Of course +all the Gents present, being reel Gents, looked quite as if they +beleeved it all; but, when he afterwards went on to say that his Grate +Grandfather took his most religious and grayshus Majesty, KING CHARLES +THE SECOND, right up into the Hoak Tree, and so saved his preshus life, +I saw sum two or three of the werry hiest on 'em trying in wain to look +quite serious, as if they bleeved it all; and one werry smart young +feller near me said to his friend, "Why not call it the Hoax Tree"? I +didn't kno quite what he meant, but they both had a quiet larf over it. + + [Illustration: "Robaire" à la mode de Parry.] + +He gave us a few more staggerers, but not quite equal to the King +Charles one, and of course we coud all make allowances for him, as it +was his last chance in such a party as that was. But he made up for it +all before he left, by speaking of the Grand Old Copperation as one of +the werry noblest bodys in the world, and as having made its mark in the +history of this great Country, and how artily he hoped it would continue +and flurrish for ever! I don't suppose as there was any county +counsellers among so distingwisht a Body, or I should like to know what +they thort of the Embassadore's opinion of us! An I'm thinkin of wizitin +Parry myself and cummin out strong. And wy not? They tell me it will +make me kwite young again, for I shall go over there a helderly henglish +waiter and reappear in Parry as a "garsong" which is french for "a young +man." + + ROBERT. + + * * * * * + +BRIGHTON BOORS. + + [MR. GLADSTONE was mobbed by an immense crowd on Sunday, + the 5th.] + + O Brighton, it isn't a thing to be proud of + That people, the fat uns as well as the bony uns, + Should squeeze an old Gentleman, crushed in a crowd of Brightonians. + + All watering-places you claim to be Queen of, + As proud as the Tyrians or the Sidonians? + Your manners don't match; such behaviour seems green of Brightonians. + + You scare away visitors, who are affrighted + By folks rude as Goths, Huns, or wild Caledonians. + Such staring shows that in two ways you're short-sighted Brightonians. + + * * * * * + +OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.--CHATTO AND WINDUS have published, in handy form, +cloth bound, and handsomely printed, an edition of JUSTIN MCCARTHY'S +novels. There are, ten in all, going at half-a-crown a-piece, and well +worth the money. The literary style is excellent--not a matter of course +in the writing of novels--the tone wholesome, whilst on every page +gleams the light of genuine, if gentle humour. In looking through the +pages of this charming little library, my Baronite is inclined to regret +that Mr. MCCARTHY should, to some extent, have given up to Politics what +was meant for Literature. + + B. DE B.-W. + + * * * * * + + [Illustration: AN EFFECT OF SHYNESS. + + _Proud Mamma._ "WHICH DO YOU THINK EFFY'S MOST LIKE, MR. + JINKS?--HER FATHER, OR ME?" + + _Mr. Jinks._ "OH--A--I SHOULD SAY SHE'S A PLAIN LIKENESS + OF HER FATHER----I MEAN--A--HANDSOME LIKENESS OF HER + MOTHER--A--I MEAN--A--A----" [_Stammers hopelessly, + upsets his Tea, and wishes himself unborn._] + + * * * * * + +THE ASSAULT!! + +_Beleaguers babble around the Battering-Ram:--_ + +_Balfourius_ (_musingly_). "Heroes tall + Dislodging pinnacle and parapet + Upon the tortoise creeping to the wall." + +_Chamberlainus_ (_sardonically_). Heroes tall, indeed! Have the +distressed defenders of this untenable Citadel any such? GLADSTONIUS is +a sort of hero, perhaps, but hardly tall; HARCOURTIUS is tall indeed, +but no hero. Aha! + +_Saundersonius_ (_sharply_). Yes; and we have had too much of that +"tortoise-creeping" business. Sharp's the word now, I hope. BALFOURIUS'S +Battering-Ram--though the murderous ruffians--I mean excited +politicians--_did_ denounce it, is better than all your tortoises! + +_Balfourius_ (_completing his quotation_). "Lances in ambush set." + +_Saundersonius._ Oh yes, they're all very well--in their way. A School +of Strategy for our "young bloods," with secret _séances_, +and--ahem!--_Fagin_-like rehearsals, is not a bad notion. But on the +whole I agree with _Moloch_:-- + + "My sentence is for open war: of wiles, + More inexpert, I boast not: there let those + Contrive who need, or when they need, not now. + For while they sit contriving, shall the rest, + Millions that stand in arms, and longing wait + The signal to arise, sit lingering here, + Prisoners of his tyranny who reigns + By our delay? No, let us rather choose, + Arm'd with hell-flames and fury all at once, + O'er these high towers to force resistless way, + Turning Obstruction into horrid arms + Against the Obstructor; when to meet the noise + Of his 'iniquitous' engine, he shall hear + Ulsterian thunder; and for lightning set + Green fire and rockets shot with equal rage + Among his 'items;' and his seat itself + Shake with Tartarean tactics, 'dirty tricks,' + His own invented dodges." + +_Grandolphus_ (_tugging at Balfourius's tunic-tails_). Ha! ha! ha! Well +quoted, my Orange-plumed Hyperborean hero! (_Aside: I must read up the +bards a bit. Didn't know they were so practically pertinent. How handy +that_ "_senesque_" _bit came in the other day!_) + +_Balfourius_ (_fidgeting_). I say, GRANDOLPHUS, if you'd tug at the rope, +instead of my tails, I fancy you'd tire me less, and have more effect on +the Ram. + +_Grandolphus_ (_cheerily_). Ah, my old friend, I assure you I intend to +stick to _you_ "loyally and unhesitatingly." + +_Balfourius_ (_drily_). Oh--_thanks!!!_ + +_Chamberlainus._ Never _were_ such a United lot as we are: + + (_Sings sotto voce._) + + _For I love dear_ B. _as a brother, I do,_ + _And dear_ B. _he worships me;_ + _But we'll both be blowed if we'll either be stowed_ + _In the other chap's hold, you see!_ + +_Balfourius._ What's that you say? + +_Chamberlainus._ Oh, merely humming "Birds in their little nests agree." + +_Balfourius._ Ah, as the Chief says, there'll be plenty of opportunity +for personal sacrifice and pulling together before we're through with +this siege. To work this Battering-Ram with effect, unanimity and +simultaneity of effort are especially essential. + +_Saundersonius._ Quite so! So bear a hand--_at the rope_, GRANDOLPHUS, +if you please. Now then, boys--_all together!!!_ BANG!!!!!! + +_Grand Old Voice_ (_from within_). "When they _do_ agree, their +unanimity is wonderful." Wonder if that gate will stand the shock! Must +disable that Rampant Ram of theirs--somehow. + + [_Left keeping his eye on 'em._ + + * * * * * + + SUFFICIENTLY ANTIQUE.--Said TOMKINS, "I won't say my + ancestors were in this Country before the Flood, _but_ + they came in with the High Tide." + + * * * * * + + [Illustration: THE ASSAULT!!] + + * * * * * + + [Illustration: TRIALS OF A CONVALESCENT. + + _Tompkins_ (_in a feeble voice, for the fourth or fifth + time, with no result_). "CHAIRMAN!!! CHAIRMAN!!!" + + _That Awful Boy._ "LYDIES AND GENTLEMEN----!!"] + + * * * * * + +A FYTTE OF THE BLUES. + +BY AN OLD "CROCK." + + (_After reading the rattling verses of_ "Tis," _entitled + "Good Luck!" in the "Granta."_) + + Good old _Granta_! They set the blood glowing, + Your verse-grinder's galloping lines, + There seems rare inspiration in Rowing! + The Muse, who politely declines + To patronise pessimist twitters, + Has smiled on these stanzas, which smack + Of health, honest zeal, foaming "bitters," + And vigour of brain and of back. + + Good luck to the Light Blues! That burden + Befits rattling rhymes from the Cam, + Their "movement" might rouse a Dame DURDEN, + Or fire a cold victim of cram. + Why it stirs up "old Crocks" to peruse 'em-- + Slashing lines on "a slashing octette"-- + They feel, though 'tis hard to "enthuse" 'em, + There _must_ be some life in 'em yet. + + Old Crocks! Oh, exuberant younkers! + You "guy" "the old gang" as "played out," + As fogies, and fussers, and funkers, + You've over-much reason, no doubt. + But, great Scott! as your rowing-rhymes rattle + And lilt lyric praise of the Crews, + We too sniff the air of the battle! + We too have a Fit of the Blues. + + It's oh! just to "swing behind LEWIS," + A "youngster as strong as an ox"! + Or be one who true Boss of the Crew is,-- + Your "pet Palinurus"--the Cox! + To feel all the blood in one glowing, + And--heedless of love, toil, and "tin"-- + Know naught in creation save--Rowing. + Deems nothing worth much save--a WIN! + + Five minutes, my boys, of such feeling, + When rivals look beaten and blown, + When the nose of your ship is just stealing + Ahead, when your muscles have grown + To thews, that--_pro tem._--are Titanic, + Are worth a whole year of _our_ lives, + Whose waistbands are--well, Aldermanic, + Who've wrinkles, and worries, and wives! + + Well, here's to the two tints of azure, + The Dark Blue as well as the Light! + At least there's one thing we can say sure,-- + There'll be no blue funk in their fight. + And here's to the Bard of the _Granta_, + Who sings without "side," "sniff," or "shop." + May he live (if he wish it), to plant a + Big bay on Parnassus's top! + + * * * * * + +TIM O'HOWLIGAN'S LAMENT. + + AIR--"_Arrah! darlints, we can't do without ye!"_ + + AH! shure boys, the world has gone crazy, + And there's plinty of throuble in shtore, + Ivery mornin' I wake up onaisy + Bekase I can't shleep any more. + 'Twas CROMWELL, bad scran to 'im, done it, + Him that murdhered King CHARLES, ochone! + And since the black villin begun it + Ould Erin's done nothing but groan, + And moan, + It would soften the heart of a shtone. + + By the poker, I'm boilin' with passion + Whin I think of the laws that they make; + At a fair the bhoys heads ye can't smash in, + Nor get dacently dhrunk at a wake. + There's only twelve pince in a shillin', + And not more than two pints in a quart, + Onless you are cliver at fillin', + And can make it hould more than it ought. + Don't be caught, + Or, be jabers, they'll make you pay for't. + + Where's the kings and the princes of Erin + That lived on purtaties and point, + And niver saw year out and year in + The divil a taste of a joint? + Thim toirants now buy all our bacon, + And the linen, and butther, and that, + All that grows in the counthry is taken + From Antrim to Mullinavat. + Poor Pat + Has to sell at a profut, that's flat. + + Well, honies, I'll give ye a hint, + And let ivery one do it who can; + When the bag of thirteens is all spint, + Set up for a Parliament man. + Thim's the boys that gets lashins of drinkin', + And they dine wanst a week wid the Queen, + Where the glasses are niver done clinkin', + Wid the Royalties jokin' and spreein', + Jubileein', + And such doins as niver was seen. + + * * * * * + + A COMPLAINT AND SIMPLE REMEDY.-- + + Among the Requests in our ecclesiastical contemporary, + _The Guardian_, recently appeared one asking for an + effectual way of "_exterminating dry rot, and preventing + its re-appearance in a church_." Why doesn't the + reverend inquirer try somebody else's Sermons? Or have + no Sermons at all? + + * * * * * + + NOTHING more delights our old friend than to get hold of + a real good word, and use it with effect. "I wish I knew + what is going to win the Derby this year," observed her + Niece. "Ah, my dear," replied her Aunt, "I might be able + to tell you if I were a Vaccinator." + + * * * * * + + BEST DAY IN THE WEEK FOR MAKING A PROPOSAL OF + MARRIAGE.--In London, Monday is the most appropriate, as + being dedicated to the "Monday Pops." + + * * * * * + + [Illustration: _Mr. Moriarty._ "LOOK HERE, ADA, HOW MUCH + LONGER, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, ARE YE GOIN' TO BE DRESSIN' + YOURSELF?" + + _Voice from the Heights._ "ONLY TEN MINUTES, DEAR!" + + _Mr. Moriarty._ "WELL, ALL I CAN SAY IS, IF I'VE GOT TO + WAIT HERE TEN MINUTES, I'LL--I'LL BE OFF THIS BLESSED + MOMENT!"] + + * * * * * + + [Illustration: "SCENES IN THE LOBBY." + + DESIGN FOR OUR OWN HISTORICAL PAINTER.] + + * * * * * + +ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. + +EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. + +_House of Commons, Monday, March 6._--"The SPEAKER took the Chair at +three o'clock." That is an extract from the _Journals of the House_, a +fascinating literary work, ably edited by Mr. PALGRAVE with the +assistance of Mr. MILMAN, much in favour at MUDIE'S. Last time I saw +SPEAKER rise from Chair was Banquet at Mansion House given by way of +farewell to M. WADDINGTON. Very remarkable scene it was. In ordinary +times SPEAKER of House of Commons is personally unknown to outside +public. He takes no part in debate; never goes on Midlothian Campaigns; +belongs to no faction; has no political following; and should have no +enemy. British public, regarding with close attention the fascinating +arena at Westminster, have evidently formed clear opinion of its present +President. When list of guests whom LORD MAYOR delighted to honour read +out by Toastmaster, name of SPEAKER received with enthusiastic and +prolonged applause. House of Commons men present, of whom there was +large muster, evidently taken by surprise. They know the SPEAKER, +because they daily live with him. How outside public should have been +seized with such keen appreciation of his worth was more than they were +prepared for. + +This may have been, probably was, to some extent a _succès d'estime_. +Mr. PEEL'S speech was genuine triumph; very brief, the shortest of the +series, but incomparably the best; lofty in tone, perfect in delivery, +saying just the right thing at the right moment in the right way. Its +effect at Mansion House something like that which electrified House when +Mr. PEEL, standing on steps of Chair, faced it for first time as its +SPEAKER, revealing, even to those who had known him long, the full +depths of his nature and the towering height of his capacity. + +"_Mon Dieu_, TOBEE," said an eminent Frenchman, "the world in both +hemispheres has always envied you the possession of your House of +Commons. Now we know you have a Speaker worthy of its best traditions." + +Banquet a great success; certainly the most brilliant galaxy of guests +drawn together in same place since Mr. PHELPS, the American Minister, +said farewell in memorable speech. Much struck with completeness of +arrangements. Even the waiters imbued with consciousness of great +occasion. + +"Hope you enjide your dinner, Sir?" said one to me, when dessert placed +on table. + +"Excellent," I said; "perhaps the whitebait done a little too much; +showed tendency to present itself in fragments; but 'twas nothing." + +"Yessir," said the Waiter, diligently brushing off imaginary crumbs. +"I'm going now, Sir." + +"Ah," I said; "then I suppose you don't wait to hear the speeches; flow +of reason, you know, quite a treat." + +"Yessir," said he, still pegging away at the spotless table-cloth. "Can +I get you anything more, Sir?" + +"No, thank you," I said, quite touched at the man's considerate +attention, the more marked since, as far as I recognised him, I had not +seen him before. "I've done excellently." + +"Yessir. I'm going now." Hardly seemed able to part. Not sure whether, +in circumstances of international amity, I shouldn't have shaken hands +with him. Made half advance in that direction. He quickly advanced his +hand, but after glance at my extended palm, as rapidly withdrew it. +Perhaps he was right. Not usual to shake hands with Waiter, though +really, on occasion like this, one might disregard conventionalities. +Waiter lingeringly withdrew, still keeping his eye on me, as if +expecting me to call him back. Nodded a friendly farewell, and pensively +peeled an orange, thinking how one touch of nature makes us kin. This +good Waiter and I quite subdued by the graceful, generous thought of +Lord Mayor KNILL, who has added one more link to the chain that binds in +amity two nations that have fought all the way from Cressy to Waterloo. + +_Business done._--Got into Committee on Navy Estimates. In the Lobby +sort of rehearsal of new Battle of Boyne. The other night SAUNDERSON +said something disrespectful of Irish Members. WILLIE REDMOND, from his +proud position among nobility and gentry above Gangway, called out, "You +wouldn't say that in the Lobby." "Say it anywhere," responded the +Colonel, ever ready to oblige. + +Next day wrote letter to REDMOND, incidentally mentioning that if he +wanted to hear the words over again, should meet him in Lobby to-night +after questions. Nothing nearer REDMOND'S heart's desire. At five +o'clock Colonel, accompanied by another military gentleman, carrying his +cloak, a pair of pistols, a stiletto, a bottle of _eau de Cologne_, a +sponge, and a clothes-brush, sternly strode into Lobby. Carefully +counted paces till he was standing as nearly as possible on centre tile; +folded arms, and wished that Night or REDMOND would come. Colonel +WARING, with military accoutrements and cloak; stood a pace and a half +to the left rear. Presently entered REDMOND, accompanied by J. J. +O'KELLY, also carrying cloak. Secreted in folds were shillelagh, bottle +of whiskey, pair of spurs, a toothpick, and a freshly-minted +crown-piece. This last, at suitable moment, to be flung across Lobby; +(friend secretly told off to be on alert to pick it up.) Action to be +explained as typical of throwing King's Crown into the Boyne. The +principals approaching, REDMOND, after manner of schoolboys, who edge up +to each other, each hoping the other doesn't want to fight, asked +Colonel to "say it again." "Certainly; but say what?" Here difficulty +began, which spoiled whole business. REDMOND insisted upon being called +a murderer. SAUNDERSON punctilious on minor points, wouldn't go quite so +far in his desire to oblige. Angry altercation followed; Members, to +number of something like hundred, formed ring. REDMOND, with right +shoulder aggressively hoisted, spoke over it at the Colonel. Colonel +stood erect, with hands loosely hanging by his side, ready for +emergencies. Crowd grew thicker and more excited. "Expected every moment +would be our next," as CLANCY breathlessly put it. But in the end storm +blew itself out. Nothing happened, and crowd disappointedly dispersed. + + Ulster will fight, + But----_not to-night._ + +_Thursday._--Opposition mustered to-day in high spirits; meeting at +Carlton yesterday addressed by MARKISS and Prince ARTHUR; GRANDOLPH, +looking in, took back seat in his customary retiring fashion. Meeting +insisted on his coming to the front; made spirited speech; scarcely a +dry eye in the Club when, looking shyly across at Prince ARTHUR, he +alluded to him as his "old political friend," his "brilliant and +esteemed Parliamentary Leader." + +"I think," said the MARKISS, as meeting dispersed, "this will drive nail +in coffin of Home-Rule Bill, and make things pretty hot for Mr. G. As +HART DYKE epigrammatically puts it, 'We Unionists, above all others, +should be united.'" + +This, as I mentioned, happened yesterday. This afternoon Opposition +mustered in anticipation of aggressive action by Mr. G. Had given notice +to move suspension of Twelve o'Clock Rule, in order to make progress +with Estimates. + +"Not if we know it," said Right Hon. JAMES LOWTHER, commonly called +"JEMMIE." + +Mr. G., previous to moving Resolution, explained there was no intention +of sitting late; Suspension Standing Order was matter of precaution +designed to prevent arbitrary carrying over of Amendments when +adequately discussed. Prince ARTHUR'S keen eye discerned that this might +be so construed as to convey no advantage to Government. When twelve +o'clock came Debate might be diverged on to lines of wrangle round +Question of Adjournment, and so House up and nothing done. On this +understanding he declared he would not resist Motion of Leader of House. +Then JEMMIE, rushing to the front, made the running. Did Mr. G. intend, +in any case, to take Second Reading of Home-Rule Bill on Thursday next? +Mr. G. nodded assent. "Very well, then I'll divide against you," JEMMIE +roared across the pained figure of his esteemed Leader. Not to be moved +by blandishment or argument from this position. Prince ARTHUR, seeing +matters hopeless, haughtily strode forth, GRANDOLPH loyally accompanying +him. But more than half his old colleagues stayed behind with JEMMIE +LOWTHER who got Opposition soundly beaten by majority of 85. + +"There's only one thing we want to run our majority over 100," said +SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, smiling beneficently from Treasury Bench. "Another +meeting of the Party at the Carlton Club will do it." + +"What did you mean by to-night's performance?" I asked JEMMIE, later. + +"Mean? I meant business. I'm a little tired of lurking in background +seeing men come to front who haven't half my ability, political acumen, +or Parliamentary knowledge. I intend to have a Party of my own. There +has been a Fourth Party, and before that there was a Tea-room Party, and +a Cave of Adullam. I shall eclipse them all." + +"And under what name do you think history will know your faction?" I +asked, much interested. + +The Right Hon. took up a piece of paper, and on it wrote the words, +"LOWTHER'S ARCADE." + +_Business done._--WOLMER'S Amendment on the Navy Estimates negatived. + +_Friday._--Prince ARTHUR, and Statesman to whom AUSTEN CHAMBERLAIN +distantly alludes as "My Right Hon. friend," sit separated by width of +House. But, in assaults on Government, they are not divided. Idle +stories about differences of opinion arising between them quite +unnecessarily denied. + +"I never look at them," said TREVELYAN, "without recalling to mind a +passage in what is, I think, my favourite among DICKENS'S novels. You +remember the scene in _Great Expectations_, where _Joe Gargery_ visits +_Pip_, in his day of prosperity, in London? 'Ever best of friends,' says +JOE (CHAMBERLAIN). 'Dear JOE,' says Prince ARTHUR. 'You know, PIP,' says +JOE, 'as you and me were ever friends, and it were looked forrerd to +betwixt us as bein' calc'lated to lead to larks.'" + +The expectation not lacking of past fulfilment; full of promise in days +near at hand. + +_Business done._--Sat from two to seven discussing whether we shall sit +to-morrow in order to make progress with public business. Finally +decided we shall. Meanwhile, morning sitting slipped away. + + [Illustration: "GREAT EXPECTATIONS." + + ["As persistent attempts are being made to show that Mr. + BALFOUR and Mr. CHAMBERLAIN are at variance respecting + the tactics which should be adopted by the Unionist + Party in Opposition, we may state that more thorough + accord never existed than at the present moment."--_The + Times, March 8, 1893._] + + _Gargery Chamberlain._ "You know, PIP, as you and me + were ever the best of Friends!" + + _Balfour Pip._ "Dear JO!"] + + * * * * * + +VINO ITALIANO CON TEMPERANZA.--Signor VITALI, of the +Italian-Wine-in-England Mission, writes to us to say that Sir WILFRID +LAWSON might temper his favourite beverage of _Aqua Pura_ with half a +gallon flask of _Vinum Purum Italianum_, such as Chianti, and he would +be none the worse for it. We are inclined to agree with the Signor +VITALI, as, in our opinion, there is small likelihood of any Italian +wine-drinker "getting any forrader." Of course Signor VITALI, being +somewhat interested in the matter, and therefore, most hopeful that his +enterprise will result in orders for any number of flasks, and not end +in an empty _fiasco_, would not fail to point out that Italian wine is +likely to have a prolonged existence in this country, as it is not +lacking in Vitali-ty. + + * * * * * + +TONE AND TINT.--(By a Wearer of the Green.) + + YOUR Orangeman swears--he's a terrible fellow!-- + They shan't set the Green o'er his favourite Yellow. + His shout's "No surrender!" And is he so Green + As to think we'll turn Yellow because of his spleen? + No, no! He may vow in his last ditch he'll die, + But--we're not to be scared by a _Hue_ and a _Cry_! + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. +104, March 18, 1893, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + +***** This file should be named 22645-8.txt or 22645-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/2/6/4/22645/ + +Produced by V. L. Simpson, Juliet Sutherland and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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