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+<title>Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business</title>
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+<h2>
+<a href="#startoftext">Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business, by Daniel Defoe</a>
+</h2>
+<pre>
+The Project Gutenberg eBook, Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business, by
+Daniel Defoe
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business
+
+
+Author: Daniel Defoe
+
+Release Date: April 20, 2005 [eBook #2052]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS IS NOBODY'S
+BUSINESS***
+</pre>
+<p><a name="startoftext"></a></p>
+<p>Transcribed from the 1889 George Bell &amp; Sons edition by David
+Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk</p>
+<h1>EVERYBODY&rsquo;S BUSINESS IS NOBODY&rsquo;S BUSINESS</h1>
+<p>or,</p>
+<p>PRIVATE ABUSES, PUBLIC GRIEVANCES:</p>
+<p>EXEMPLIFIED</p>
+<p>In the Pride, Insolence, and exorbitant Wages of our Women, Servants,
+Footmen, &amp;c.</p>
+<p>WITH</p>
+<p>A Proposal for Amendment of the same; as also for clearing the Streets
+of those Vermin called Shoe-Cleaners, and substituting in their stead
+many Thousands of industrious Poor, now ready to starve.&nbsp; With
+divers other Hints of great Use to the Public.</p>
+<p>Humbly submitted the Consideration of our Legislature, and the careful
+Perusal of all Masters and Mistresses of Families.</p>
+<p>BY ANDREW MORETON, Esq.</p>
+<p>The Fifth Edition, with the Addition of a Preface.</p>
+<p>LONDON:</p>
+<p>Printed for W. MEADOWS, in Cornhill; and sold by T. WARNER, at the
+Black Boy in Pater-Noster Row; A. DODD, without Temple Bar; and E. NUTT,
+at the Royal Exchange.&nbsp; 1725.</p>
+<p>Price Six Pence.]</p>
+<h2>THE PREFACE</h2>
+<p>Since this little book appeared in print, it has had no less than
+three answers, and fresh attacks are daily expected from the powers
+of Grub-street; but should threescore antagonists more arise, unless
+they say more to the purpose than the forementioned, they shall not
+tempt me to reply.</p>
+<p>Nor shall I engage in a paper war, but leave my book to answer for
+itself, having advanced nothing therein but evident truths, and incontestible
+matters of fact.</p>
+<p>The general objection is against my style; I do not set up for an
+author, but write only to be understood, no matter how plain.</p>
+<p>As my intentions are good, so have they had the good fortune to meet
+with approbation from the sober and substantial part of mankind; as
+for the vicious and vagabond, their ill-will is my ambition.</p>
+<p>It is with uncommon satisfaction I see the magistracy begin to put
+the laws against vagabonds in force with the utmost vigour, a great
+many of those vermin, the japanners, having lately been taken up and
+sent to the several work-houses in and about this city; and indeed high
+time, for they grow every day more and more pernicious.</p>
+<p>My project for putting watchmen under commissioners, will, I hope,
+be put in practice; for it is scarce safe to go by water unless you
+know your man.</p>
+<p>As for the maid-servants, if I undervalue myself to take notice of
+them, as they are pleased to say, it is because they overvalue themselves
+so much they ought to be taken notice of.</p>
+<p>This makes the guilty take my subject by the wrong end, but any impartial
+reader may find, I write not against servants, but bad servants; not
+against wages, but exorbitant wages, and am entirely of the poet&rsquo;s
+opinion,</p>
+<blockquote><p>The good should meet with favour and applause,<br />
+The wicked be restrain&rsquo;d by wholesome laws.</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>The reason why I did not publish this book till the end of the last
+sessions of parliament was, because I did not care to interfere with
+more momentous affairs; but leave it to the consideration of that august
+body during this recess, against the next sessions, when I shall exhibit
+another complaint against a growing abuse, for which I doubt not but
+to receive their approbation and the thanks of all honest men.</p>
+<h2>EVERYBODY&rsquo;S BUSINESS IS NOBODY&rsquo;S BUSINESS</h2>
+<p>This is a proverb so common in everybody&rsquo;s mouth, that I wonder
+nobody has yet thought it worth while to draw proper inferences from
+it, and expose those little abuses, which, though they seem trifling,
+and as it were scarce worth consideration, yet, by insensible degrees,
+they may become of injurious consequence to the public; like some diseases,
+whose first symptoms are only trifling disorders, but by continuance
+and progression, their last periods terminate in the destruction of
+the whole human fabric.</p>
+<p>In contradiction therefore to this general rule, and out of sincere
+love and well meaning to the public, give me leave to enumerate the
+abuses insensibly crept in among us, and the inconveniences daily arising
+from the insolence and intrigues of our servant-wenches, who, by their
+caballing together, have made their party so considerable, that everybody
+cries out against them; and yet, to verify the proverb, nobody has thought
+of, or at least proposed a remedy, although such an undertaking, mean
+as it seems to be, I hope will one day be thought worthy the consideration
+of our king, lords, and commons.</p>
+<p>Women servants are now so scarce, that from thirty and forty shillings
+a year, their wages are increased of late to six, seven, nay, eight
+pounds per annum, and upwards; insomuch that an ordinary tradesman cannot
+well keep one; but his wife, who might be useful in his shop or business,
+must do the drudgery of household affairs; and all this because our
+servant-wenches are so puffed up with pride nowadays, that they never
+think they go fine enough: it is a hard matter to know the mistress
+from the maid by their dress; nay, very often the maid shall be much
+the finer of the two.&nbsp; Our woollen manufacture suffers much by
+this, for nothing but silks and satins will go down with our kitchen-wenches;
+to support which intolerable pride, they have insensibly raised their
+wages to such a height as was never known in any age or nation but this.</p>
+<p>Let us trace this from the beginning, and suppose a person has a
+servant-maid sent him out of the country, at fifty shillings, or three
+pounds a year.&nbsp; The girl has scarce been a week, nay, a day in
+her service, but a committee of servant-wenches are appointed to examine
+her, who advise her to raise her wages, or give warning; to encourage
+her to which, the herb-woman, or chandler-woman, or some other old intelligencer,
+provides her a place of four or five pounds a year; this sets madam
+cock-a-hoop, and she thinks of nothing now but vails and high wages,
+and so gives warning from place to place, till she has got her wages
+up to the tip-top.</p>
+<p>Her neat&rsquo;s leathern shoes are now transformed into laced ones
+with high heels; her yarn stockings are turned into fine woollen ones,
+with silk clocks; and her high wooden pattens are kicked away for leathern
+clogs; she must have a hoop too, as well as her mistress; and her poor
+scanty linsey-woolsey petticoat is changed into a good silk one, for
+four or five yards wide at the least.&nbsp; Not to carry the description
+farther, in short, plain country Joan is now turned into a fine London
+madam, can drink tea, take snuff, and carry herself as high as the best.</p>
+<p>If she be tolerably handsome, and has any share of cunning, the apprentice
+or her master&rsquo;s son is enticed away and ruined by her.&nbsp; Thus
+many good families are impoverished and disgraced by these pert sluts,
+who, taking the advantage of a young man&rsquo;s simplicity and unruly
+desires, draw many heedless youths, nay, some of good estates, into
+their snares; and of this we have but too many instances.</p>
+<p>Some more artful shall conceal their condition, and palm themselves
+off on young fellows for gentlewomen and great fortunes.&nbsp; How many
+families have been ruined by these ladies? when the father or master
+of the family, preferring the flirting airs of a young prinked up strumpet,
+to the artless sincerity of a plain, grave, and good wife, has given
+his desires aloose, and destroyed soul, body, family, and estate.&nbsp;
+But they are very favourable if they wheedle nobody into matrimony,
+but only make a present of a small live creature, no bigger than a bastard,
+to some of the family, no matter who gets it; when a child is born it
+must be kept.</p>
+<p>Our sessions&rsquo; papers of late are crowded with instances of
+servant-maids robbing their places, this can be only attributed to their
+devilish pride; for their whole inquiry nowadays is, how little they
+shall do, how much they shall have.</p>
+<p>But all this while they make so little reserve, that if they fall
+sick the parish must keep them, if they are out of place, they must
+prostitute their bodies, or starve; so that from clopping and changing,
+they generally proceed to whoring and thieving, and this is the reason
+why our streets swarm with strumpets.</p>
+<p>Thus many of them rove from place to place, from bawdy-house to service,
+and from service to bawdy-house again, ever unsettled and never easy,
+nothing being more common than to find these creatures one week in a
+good family, and the next in a brothel.&nbsp; This amphibious life makes
+them fit for neither, for if the bawd uses them ill, away they trip
+to service, and if the mistress gives them a wry word, whip they are
+at a bawdy-house again, so that in effect they neither make good whores
+nor good servants.</p>
+<p>Those who are not thus slippery in the tail, are light of finger;
+and of these the most pernicious are those who beggar you inchmeal.&nbsp;
+If a maid is a downright thief she strips you, it once, and you know
+your loss; but these retail pilferers waste you insensibly, and though
+you hardly miss it, yet your substance shall decay to such a degree,
+that you must have a very good bottom indeed not to feel the ill effects
+of such moths in your family.</p>
+<p>Tea, sugar, wine, &amp;c., or any such trifling commodities, are
+reckoned no thefts, if they do not directly take your pewter from your
+shelf, or your linen from your drawers, they are very honest: What harm
+is there, say they, in cribbing a little matter for a junket, a merry
+bout or so?&nbsp; Nay, there are those that when they are sent to market
+for one joint of meat, shall take up two on their master&rsquo;s account,
+and leave one by the way, for some of these maids are mighty charitable,
+and can make a shift to maintain a small family with what they can purloin
+from their masters and mistresses.</p>
+<p>If you send them with ready money, they turn factors, and take threepence
+or fourpence in the shilling brokerage.&nbsp; And here let me take notice
+of one very heinous abuse, not to say petty felony, which is practised
+in most of the great families about town, which is, when the tradesman
+gives the house-keeper or other commanding servant a penny or twopence
+in the shilling, or so much in the pound, for everything they send in,
+and which, from thence, is called poundage.</p>
+<p>This, in my opinion, is the greatest of villanies, and ought to incur
+some punishment, yet nothing is more common, and our topping tradesmen,
+who seem otherwise to stand mightily on their credit, make this but
+a matter of course and custom.&nbsp; If I do not, says one, another
+will (for the servant is sure to pick a hole in the person&rsquo;s coat
+who shall not pay contribution).&nbsp; Thus this wicked practice is
+carried on and winked at, while receiving of stolen goods, and confederating
+with felons, which is not a jot worse, is so openly cried out against,
+and severely punished, witness Jonathan Wild.</p>
+<p>And yet if a master or mistress inquire after anything missing, they
+must be sure to place their words in due form, or madam huffs and flings
+about at a strange rate, What, would you make a thief of her?&nbsp;
+Who would live with such mistrustful folks?&nbsp; Thus you are obliged
+to hold your tongue, and sit down quietly by your loss, for fear of
+offending your maid, forsooth!</p>
+<p>Again, if your maid shall maintain one, two, or more persons from
+your table, whether they are her poor relations, countryfolk, servants
+out of place, shoe-cleaners, charwomen, porters, or any other of her
+menial servants, who do her ladyship&rsquo;s drudgery and go of her
+errands, you must not complain at your expense, or ask what has become
+of such a thing, or such a thing; although it might never so reasonably
+be supposed that it was altogether impossible to have so much expended
+in your family; but hold your tongue for peace sake, or madam will say,
+You grudge her victuals; and expose you to the last degree all over
+the neighbourhood.</p>
+<p>Thus have they a salve for every sore, cheat you to your face, and
+insult you into the bargain; nor can you help yourself without exposing
+yourself, or putting yourself into a passion.</p>
+<p>Another great abuse crept in among us, is the giving of veils to
+servants; this was intended originally as an encouragement to such as
+were willing and handy, but by custom and corruption it is now grown
+to be a thorn in our sides, and, like other good things, abused, does
+more harm than good; for now they make it a perquisite, a material part
+of their wages, nor must their master give a supper, but the maid expects
+the guests should pay for it, nay, sometimes through the nose.&nbsp;
+Thus have they spirited people up to this unnecessary and burthensome
+piece of generosity unknown to our forefathers, who only gave gifts
+to servants at Christmas-tide, which custom is yet kept into the bargain;
+insomuch that a maid shall have eight pounds per annum in a gentleman&rsquo;s
+or merchant&rsquo;s family.&nbsp; And if her master is a man of free
+spirit, who receives much company, she very often doubles her wages
+by her veils; thus having meat, drink, washing, and lodging for her
+labour, she throws her whole income upon her back, and by this means
+looks more like the mistress of the family than the servant-wench.</p>
+<p>And now we have mentioned washing, I would ask some good housewifely
+gentlewoman, if servant-maids wearing printed linens, cottons, and other
+things of that nature, which require frequent washing, do not, by enhancing
+the article of soap, add more to housekeeping than the generality of
+people would imagine?&nbsp; And yet these wretches cry out against great
+washes, when their own unnecessary dabs are very often the occasion.</p>
+<p>But the greatest abuse of all is, that these creatures are become
+their own lawgivers; nay, I think they are ours too, though nobody would
+imagine that such a set of slatterns should bamboozle a whole nation;
+but it is neither better nor worse, they hire themselves to you by their
+own rule.</p>
+<p>That is, a month&rsquo;s wages, or a month&rsquo;s warning; if they
+don&rsquo;t like you they will go away the next day, help yourself how
+you can; if you don&rsquo;t like them, you must give them a month&rsquo;s
+wages to get rid of them.</p>
+<p>This custom of warning, as practised by our maid-servants, is now
+become a great inconvenience to masters and mistresses.&nbsp; You must
+carry your dish very upright, or miss, forsooth, gives you warning,
+and you are either left destitute, or to seek for a servant; so that,
+generally speaking, you are seldom or never fixed, but always at the
+mercy of every new comer to divulge your family affairs, to inspect
+your private life, and treasure up the sayings of yourself and friends.&nbsp;
+A very great confinement, and much complained of in most families.</p>
+<p>Thus have these wenches, by their continual plotting and cabals,
+united themselves into a formidable body, and got the whip hand of their
+betters; they make their own terms with us; and two servants now, will
+scarce undertake the work which one might perform with ease; notwithstanding
+which, they have raised their wages to a most exorbitant pitch; and,
+I doubt not, if there be not a stop put to their career, but they will
+bring wages up to 201. per annum in time, for they are much about half
+way already.</p>
+<p>It is by these means they run away with a great part of our money,
+which might be better employed in trade, and what is worse, by their
+insolent behaviour, their pride in dress, and their exorbitant wages,
+they give birth to the following inconveniences.</p>
+<p>First, They set an ill example to our children, our apprentices,
+our covenant servants, and other dependants, by their saucy and insolent
+behaviour, their pert, and sometimes abusive answers, their daring defiance
+of correction, and many other insolences which youth are but too apt
+to imitate.</p>
+<p>Secondly, By their extravagance in dress, they put our wives and
+daughters upon yet greater excesses, because they will, as indeed they
+ought, go finer than the maid; thus the maid striving to outdo the mistress,
+the tradesman&rsquo;s wife to outdo the gentleman&rsquo;s wife, the
+gentleman&rsquo;s wife emulating the lady, and the ladies one another;
+it seems as if the whole business of the female sex were nothing but
+an excess of pride, and extravagance in dress.</p>
+<p>Thirdly, The great height to which women-servants have brought their
+wages, makes a mutiny among the men-servants, and puts them upon raising
+their wages too; so that in a little time our servants will become our
+partners; nay, probably, run away with the better part of our profits,
+and make servants of us <i>vice versa</i>.&nbsp; But yet with all these
+inconveniences, we cannot possibly do without these creatures; let us
+therefore cease to talk of the abuses arising from them, and begin to
+think of redressing them.&nbsp; I do not set up for a lawgiver, and
+therefore shall lay down no certain rules, humbly submitting in all
+things to the wisdom of our legislature.&nbsp; What I offer shall be
+under correction; and upon conjecture, my utmost ambition being but
+to give some hints to remedy this growing evil, and leave the prosecution
+to abler hands.</p>
+<p>And first it would be necessary to settle and limit their wages,
+from forty and fifty shillings to four and five pounds per annum, that
+is to say, according to their merits and capacities; for example, a
+young unexperienced servant should have forty shillings per annum, till
+she qualifies herself for a larger sum; a servant who can do all household
+work, or, as the good women term it, can take her work and leave her
+work, should have four pounds per annum; and those who have lived seven
+years in one service, should ever after demand five pounds per annum,
+for I would very fain have some particular encouragements and privileges
+given to such servants who should continue long in a place; it would
+incite a desire to please, and cause an emulation very beneficial to
+the public.</p>
+<p>I have heard of an ancient charity in the parish of St. Clement&rsquo;s
+Danes, where a sum of money, or estate, is left, out of the interest
+or income of which such maid-servants, who have lived in that parish
+seven years in one service, receive a reward of ten pounds apiece, if
+they please to demand it.</p>
+<p>This is a noble benefaction, and shows the public spirit of the donor;
+but everybody&rsquo;s business is nobody&rsquo;s; nor have I heard that
+such reward has been paid to any servant of late years.&nbsp; A thousand
+pities a gift of that nature should sink into oblivion, and not be kept
+up as an example to incite all parishes to do the like.</p>
+<p>The Romans had a law called <i>Jus Trium Liberorum</i>, by which
+every man who had been a father of three children, had particular honours
+and privileges.&nbsp; This incited the youth to quit a dissolute single
+life and become fathers of families, to the support and glory of the
+empire.</p>
+<p>In imitation of this most excellent law, I would have such servants,
+who should continue many years in one service, meet with singular esteem
+and reward.</p>
+<p>The apparel of our women-servants should be next regulated, that
+we may know the mistress from the maid.&nbsp; I remember I was once
+put very much to the blush, being at a friend&rsquo;s house, and by
+him required to salute the ladies, I kissed the chamber-jade into the
+bargain, for she was as well dressed as the best.&nbsp; But I was soon
+undeceived by a general titter, which gave me the utmost confusion;
+nor can I believe myself the only person who has made such a mistake.</p>
+<p>Things of this nature would be easily avoided, if servant-maids were
+to wear liveries, as our footmen do; or obliged to go in a dress suitable
+to their station.&nbsp; What should ail them, but a jacket and petticoat
+of good yard-wide stuff, or calimanco, might keep them decent and warm.</p>
+<p>Our charity children are distinguished by their dress, why then may
+not our women-servants? why may they not be made frugal per force, and
+not suffered to put all on their backs, but obliged to save something
+against a rainy day?&nbsp; I am, therefore, entirely against servants
+wearing of silks, laces, and other superfluous finery; it sets them
+above themselves, and makes their mistresses contemptible in their eyes.&nbsp;
+I am handsomer than my mistress, says a young prinked up baggage, what
+pity it is I should be her servant, I go as well dressed, or better
+than she.&nbsp; This makes the girl take the first offer to be made
+a whore, and there is a good servant spoiled; whereas, were her dress
+suitable to her condition, it would teach her humility, and put her
+in mind of her duty.</p>
+<p>Besides the fear of spoiling their clothes makes them afraid of household-work;
+so that in a little time we shall have none but chambermaids and nurserymaids;
+and of this let me give one instance; my family is composed of myself
+and sister, a man and a maid; and, being without the last, a young wench
+came to hire herself.&nbsp; The man was gone out, and my sister above
+stairs, so I opened the door myself; and this person presented herself
+to my view, dressed completely, more like a visitor than a servant-maid;
+she, not knowing me, asked for my sister; pray, madam, said I, be pleased
+to walk into the parlour, she shall wait on you presently.&nbsp; Accordingly
+I handed madam in, who took it very cordially.&nbsp; After some apology,
+I left her alone for a minute or two; while I, stupid wretch! ran up
+to my sister, and told her there was a gentlewoman below come to visit
+her.&nbsp; Dear brother, said she, don&rsquo;t leave her alone, go down
+and entertain her while I dress myself.&nbsp; Accordingly, down I went,
+and talked of indifferent affairs; meanwhile my sister dressed herself
+all over again, not being willing to be seen in an undress.&nbsp; At
+last she came down dressed as clean as her visitor; but how great was
+my surprise when I found my fine lady a common servant-wench.</p>
+<p>My sister understanding what she was, began to inquire what wages
+she expected?&nbsp; She modestly asked but eight pounds a year.&nbsp;
+The next question was, what work she could do to deserve such wages?
+to which she answered, she could clean a house, or dress a common family
+dinner.&nbsp; But cannot you wash, replied my sister, or get up linen?
+she answered in the negative, and said, she would undertake neither,
+nor would she go into a family that did not put out their linen to wash,
+and hire a charwoman to scour.&nbsp; She desired to see the house, and
+having carefully surveyed it, said, the work was too hard for her, nor
+could she undertake it.&nbsp; This put my sister beyond all patience,
+and me into the greatest admiration.&nbsp; Young woman, said she, you
+have made a mistake, I want a housemaid, and you are a chambermaid.&nbsp;
+No, madam, replied she, I am not needlewoman enough for that.&nbsp;
+And yet you ask eight pounds a year, replied my sister.&nbsp; Yes, madam,
+said she, nor shall I bate a farthing.&nbsp; Then get you gone for a
+lazy impudent baggage, said I, you want to be a boarder not a servant;
+have you a fortune or estate that you dress at that rate?&nbsp; No,
+sir, said she, but I hope I may wear what I work for without offence.&nbsp;
+What you work, interrupted my sister, why you do not seem willing to
+undertake any work; you will not wash nor scour; you cannot dress a
+dinner for company; you are no needlewoman; and our little house of
+two rooms on a floor, is too much for you.&nbsp; For God&rsquo;s sake
+what can you do?&nbsp; Madam, replied she pertly; I know my business;
+and do not fear a service; there are more places than parish churches;
+if you wash at home, you should have a laundrymaid; if you give entertainments,
+you must have a cookmaid; if you have any needlework, you should have
+a chambermaid; and such a house as this is enough for a housemaid in
+all conscience.</p>
+<p>I was pleased at the wit, and astonished at the impudence of the
+girl, so dismissed her with thanks for her instructions, assuring her
+that when I kept four maids she should be housemaid if she pleased.</p>
+<p>Were a servant to do my business with cheerfulness, I should not
+grudge at five or six pounds per annum; nor would I be so unchristian
+to put more upon any one than they can bear; but to pray and pay too
+is the devil.&nbsp; It is very hard, that I must keep four servants
+or none.</p>
+<p>In great families, indeed, where many servants are required, those
+distinctions of chambermaid, housemaid, cookmaid, laundrymaid, nurserymaid,
+&amp;c., are requisite, to the end that each may take her particular
+business, and many hands may make the work light; but for a private
+gentleman, of a small fortune, to be obliged to keep so many idle jades,
+when one might do the business, is intolerable, and matter of great
+grievance.</p>
+<p>I cannot close this discourse without a gentle admonition and reproof
+to some of my own sex, I mean those gentlemen who give themselves unnecessary
+airs, and cannot go to see a friend, but they must kiss and slop the
+maid; and all this is done with an air of gallantry, and must not be
+resented.&nbsp; Nay, some gentlemen are so silly, that they shall carry
+on an underhand affair with their friend&rsquo;s servant-maid, to their
+own disgrace, and the ruin of many a young creature.&nbsp; Nothing is
+more base and ungenerous, yet nothing more common, and withal so little
+taken notice of.&nbsp; D-n me, Jack, says one friend to another, this
+maid of yours is a pretty girl, you do so and so to her, by G-d.&nbsp;
+This makes the creature pert, vain, and impudent, and spoils many a
+good servant.</p>
+<p>What gentleman will descend to this low way of intrigue, when he
+shall consider that he has a footboy or an apprentice for his rival,
+and that he is seldom or never admitted, but when they have been his
+tasters; and the fool of fortune, though he comes at the latter end
+of the feast, yet pays the whole reckoning; and so indeed would I have
+all such silly cullies served.</p>
+<p>If I must have an intrigue, let it be with a woman that shall not
+shame me.&nbsp; I would never go into the kitchen, when the parlour
+door was open.&nbsp; We are forbidden at Highgate, to kiss the maid
+when we may kiss the mistress; why then will gentlemen descend so low,
+by too much familiarity with these creatures, to bring themselves into
+contempt?</p>
+<p>I have been at places where the maid has been so dizzied with these
+idle compliments that she has mistook one thing for another, and not
+regarded her mistress in the least; but put on all the flirting airs
+imaginable.&nbsp; This behaviour is nowhere so much complained of as
+in taverns, coffeehouses, and places of public resort, where there are
+handsome bar-keepers, &amp;c.&nbsp; These creatures being puffed up
+with the fulsome flattery of a set of flesh-flies, which are continually
+buzzing about them, carry themselves with the utmost insolence imaginable;
+insomuch, that you must speak to them with a great deal of deference,
+or you are sure to be affronted.&nbsp; Being at a coffeehouse the other
+day, where one of these ladies kept the bar, I had bespoke a dish of
+rice tea; but madam was so taken up with her sparks, she had quite forgot
+it.&nbsp; I spake for it again, and with some temper, but was answered
+after a most taunting manner, not without a toss of the head, a contraction
+of the nostrils, and other impertinences, too many to enumerate.&nbsp;
+Seeing myself thus publicly insulted by such an animal, I could not
+choose but show my resentment.&nbsp; Woman, said I, sternly, I want
+a dish of rice tea, and not what your vanity and impudence may imagine;
+therefore treat me as a gentleman and a customer, and serve me with
+what I call for: keep your impertinent repartees and impudent behaviour
+for the coxcombs that swarm round your bar, and make you so vain of
+your blown carcase.&nbsp; And indeed I believe the insolence of this
+creature will ruin her master at last, by driving away men of sobriety
+and business, and making the place a den of vagabonds and rakehells.</p>
+<p>Gentlemen, therefore, ought to be very circumspect in their behaviour,
+and not undervalue themselves to servant-wenches, who are but too apt
+to treat a gentleman ill whenever he puts himself into their power.</p>
+<p>Let me now beg pardon for this digression, and return to my subject
+by proposing some practicable methods for regulating of servants, which,
+whether they are followed or not, yet, if they afford matter of improvement
+and speculation, will answer the height of my expectation, and I will
+be the first who shall approve of whatever improvements are made from
+this small beginning.</p>
+<p>The first abuse I would have reformed is, that servants should be
+restrained from throwing themselves out of place on every idle vagary.&nbsp;
+This might be remedied were all contracts between master and servant
+made before a justice of peace, or other proper officer, and a memorandum
+thereof taken in writing.&nbsp; Nor should such servant leave his or
+her place (for men and maids might come under the same regulation) till
+the time agreed on be expired, unless such servant be misused or denied
+necessaries, or show some other reasonable cause for their discharge.&nbsp;
+In that case, the master or mistress should be reprimanded or fined.&nbsp;
+But if servants misbehave themselves, or leave their places, not being
+regularly discharged, they ought to be amerced or punished.&nbsp; But
+all those idle, ridiculous customs, and laws of their own making, as
+a month&rsquo;s wages, or a month&rsquo;s warning, and suchlike, should
+be entirely set aside and abolished.</p>
+<p>When a servant has served the limited time duly and faithfully, they
+should be entitled to a certificate, as is practised at present in the
+wool-combing trade; nor should any person hire a servant without a certificate
+or other proper security.&nbsp; A servant without a certificate should
+be deemed a vagrant; and a master or mistress ought to assign very good
+reasons indeed when they object against giving a servant his or her
+certificate.</p>
+<p>And though, to avoid prolixity, I have not mentioned footmen particularly
+in the foregoing discourse, yet the complaints alleged against the maids
+are as well masculine as feminine, and very applicable to our gentlemen&rsquo;s
+gentlemen; I would, therefore, have them under the very same regulations,
+and, as they are fellow-servants, would not make fish of one and flesh
+of the other, since daily experience teaches us, that &ldquo;never a
+barrel the better herring.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The next great abuse among us is, that under the notion of cleaning
+our shoes, above ten thousand wicked, idle, pilfering vagrants are permitted
+to patrol about our city and suburbs.&nbsp; These are called the black-guard,
+who black your honour&rsquo;s shoes, and incorporate themselves under
+the title of the Worshipful Company of Japanners.</p>
+<p>Were this all, there were no hurt in it, and the whole might terminate
+in a jest; but the mischief ends not here, they corrupt our youth, especially
+our men-servants; oaths and impudence are their only flowers of rhetoric;
+gaming and thieving are the principal parts of their profession; japanning
+but the pretence.&nbsp; For example, a gentleman keeps a servant, who
+among other things is to clean his master&rsquo;s shoes; but our gentlemen&rsquo;s
+gentlemen are above it nowadays, and your man&rsquo;s man performs the
+office, for which piece of service you pay double and treble, especially
+if you keep a table, nay, you are well off if the japanner has no more
+than his own diet from it.</p>
+<p>I have often observed these rascals sneaking from gentlemen&rsquo;s
+doors with wallets or hats&rsquo; full of good victuals, which they
+either carry to their trulls, or sell for a trifle.&nbsp; By this means,
+our butcher&rsquo;s, our baker&rsquo;s, our poulterer&rsquo;s, and cheesemonger&rsquo;s
+bills are monstrously exaggerated; not to mention candles just lighted,
+which sell for fivepence a pound, and many other perquisites best known
+to themselves and the pilfering villains their confederates.</p>
+<p>Add to this, that their continual gaming sets servants upon their
+wits to supply this extravagance, though at the same time the master&rsquo;s
+pocket pays for it, and the time which should be spent in a gentleman&rsquo;s
+service is loitered away among these rakehells, insomuch that half our
+messages are ineffectual, the time intended being often expired before
+the message is delivered.</p>
+<p>How many frequent robberies are committed by these japanners?&nbsp;
+And to how many more are they confederates?&nbsp; Silver spoons, spurs,
+and other small pieces of plate, are every day missing, and very often
+found upon these sort of gentlemen; yet are they permitted, to the shame
+of all our good laws, and the scandal of our most excellent government,
+to lurk about our streets, to debauch our servants and apprentices,
+and support an infinite number of scandalous, shameless trulls, yet
+more wicked than themselves, for not a Jack among them but must have
+his Gill.</p>
+<p>By whom such indecencies are daily acted, even in our open streets,
+as are very offensive to the eyes and ears of all sober persons, and
+even abominable in a Christian country.</p>
+<p>In any riot, or other disturbance, these sparks are always the foremost;
+for most among them can turn their hands to picking of pockets, to run
+away with goods from a fire, or other public confusion, to snatch anything
+from a woman or child, to strip a house when the door is open, or any
+other branch of a thief&rsquo;s profession.</p>
+<p>In short, it is a nursery for thieves and villains; modest women
+are every day insulted by them and their strumpets; and such children
+who run about the streets, or those servants who go on errands, do but
+too frequently bring home some scraps of their beastly profane wit;
+insomuch, that the conversation of our lower rank of people runs only
+upon bawdy and blasphemy, notwithstanding our societies for reformation,
+and our laws in force against profaneness; for this lazy life gets them
+many proselytes, their numbers daily increasing from runaway apprentices
+and footboys, insomuch that it is a very hard matter for a gentleman
+to get him a servant, or for a tradesman to find an apprentice.</p>
+<p>Innumerable other mischiefs accrue, and others will spring up from
+this race of caterpillars, who must be swept from out our streets, or
+we shall be overrun with all manner of wickedness.</p>
+<p>But the subject is so low, it becomes disagreeable even to myself;
+give me leave, therefore, to propose a way to clear the streets of these
+vermin, and to substitute as many honest industrious persons in their
+stead, who are now starving for want of bread, while these execrable
+villains live, though in rags and nastiness, yet in plenty and luxury.</p>
+<p>I, therefore, humbly propose that these vagabonds be put immediately
+under the command of such taskmasters as the government shall appoint,
+and that they be employed, punished, or rewarded, according to their
+capacities and demerits; that is to say, the industrious and docible
+to wool-combing, and other parts of the woollen manufacture, where hands
+are wanted, as also to husbandry and other parts of agriculture.</p>
+<p>For it is evident that there are scarce hands enow in the country
+to carry on either of these affairs.&nbsp; Now, these vagabonds might
+not only by this means be kept out of harm&rsquo;s way, but be rendered
+serviceable to the nation.&nbsp; Nor is there any need of transporting
+them beyond seas, for if any are refractory they should be sent to our
+stannaries and other mines, to our coal works and other places where
+hard labour is required.&nbsp; And here I must offer one thing never
+yet thought of, or proposed by any, and that is, the keeping in due
+repair the navigation of the river Thames, so useful to our trade in
+general; and yet of late years such vast hills of sand are gathered
+together in several parts of the river, as are very prejudicial to its
+navigation, one which is near London Bridge, another near Whitehall,
+a third near Battersea, and a fourth near Fulham.&nbsp; These are of
+very great hindrance to the navigation; and indeed the removal of them
+ought to be a national concern, which I humbly propose may be thus effected.</p>
+<p>The rebellious part of these vagabonds, as also other thieves and
+offenders, should be formed into bodies under the command of proper
+officers, and under the guard and awe of our soldiery.&nbsp; These should
+every day at low water carry away these sandhills, and remove every
+other obstruction to the navigation of this most excellent and useful
+river.</p>
+<p>It may be objected that the ballast men might do this; that as fast
+as the hills are taken away they would gather together again, or that
+the watermen might do it.&nbsp; To the first, I answer, that ballast
+men, instead of taking away from these hills, make holes in other places
+of the river, which is the reason so many young persons are drowned
+when swimming or bathing in the river.</p>
+<p>Besides, it is a work for many hands, and of long continuance; so
+that ballast men do more harm than good.&nbsp; The second objection
+is as silly; as if I should never wash myself, because I shall be dirty
+again, and I think needs no other answer.&nbsp; And as to the third
+objection, the watermen are not so public-spirited, they live only from
+hand to mouth, though not one of them but finds the inconvenience of
+these hills, every day being obliged to go a great way round about for
+fear of running aground; insomuch that in a few years the navigation
+of that part of the river will be entirely obstructed.&nbsp; Nevertheless,
+every one of these gentlemen-watermen hopes it will last his time, and
+so they all cry, The devil take the hindmost.&nbsp; But yet I judge
+it highly necessary that this be made a national concern, like Dagenham
+breach, and that these hills be removed by some means or other.</p>
+<p>And now I have mentioned watermen, give me leave to complain of the
+insolences and exactions they daily commit on the river Thames, and
+in particular this one instance, which cries aloud for justice.</p>
+<p>A young lady of distinction, in company with her brother, a little
+youth, took a pair of oars at or near the Temple, on April day last,
+and ordered the men to carry them to Pepper Alley Stairs.&nbsp; One
+of the fellows, according to their usual impertinence, asked the lady
+where she was going?&nbsp; She answered, near St. Olave&rsquo;s church.&nbsp;
+Upon which he said, she had better go through the bridge.&nbsp; The
+lady replied she had never gone through the bridge in her life, nor
+would she venture for a hundred guineas; so commanded him once more
+to land her at Pepper Alley Stairs.&nbsp; Notwithstanding which, in
+spite of her fears, threats, and commands; nay, in spite of the persuasion
+of his fellow, he forced her through London Bridge, which frightened
+her beyond expression.&nbsp; And to mend the matter, he obliged her
+to pay double fare, and mobbed her into the bargain.</p>
+<p>To resent which abuse, application was made to the hall, the fellow
+summoned, and the lady ordered to attend, which she did, waiting there
+all the morning, and was appointed to call again in the afternoon.&nbsp;
+She came accordingly, they told her the fellow had been there, but was
+gone, and that she must attend another Friday.&nbsp; She attended again
+and again, but to the same purpose.&nbsp; Nor have they yet produced
+the man, but tired out the lady, who has spent above ten shillings in
+coach-hire, been abused and baffled into the bargain.</p>
+<p>It is pity, therefore, there are not commissioners for watermen,
+as there are for hackney coachmen; or that justices of the peace might
+not inflict bodily penalties on watermen thus offending.&nbsp; But while
+watermen are watermen&rsquo;s judges, I shall laugh at those who carry
+their complaints to the hall.</p>
+<p>The usual plea in behalf of abusive watermen is, that they are drunk,
+ignorant, or poor; but will that satisfy the party aggrieved, or deter
+the offender from reoffending?&nbsp; Whereas were the offenders sent
+to the house of correction, and there punished, or sentenced to work
+at the sandhills aforementioned, for a time suitable to the nature of
+their crimes, terror of such punishments would make them fearful of
+offending, to the great quiet of the subject.</p>
+<p>Now, it maybe asked, How shall we have our shoes cleaned, or how
+are these industrious poor to be maintained?&nbsp; To this I answer
+that the places of these vagabonds may be very well supplied by great
+numbers of ancient persons, poor widows, and others, who have not enough
+from their respective parishes to maintain them.&nbsp; These poor people
+I would have authorised and stationed by the justices of the peace or
+other magistrates.&nbsp; Each of these should have a particular walk
+or stand, and no other shoe-cleaner should come into that walk, unless
+the person misbehave and be removed.&nbsp; Nor should any person clean
+shoes in the streets, but these authorised shoe-cleaners, who should
+have some mark of distinction, and be under the immediate government
+of the justices of the peace.</p>
+<p>Thus would many thousands of poor people be provided for, without
+burthening their parishes.&nbsp; Some of these may earn a shilling or
+two in the day, and none less than sixpence, or thereabouts.&nbsp; And
+lest the old japanners should appear again, in the shape of linkboys,
+and knock down gentlemen in drink, or lead others out of the way into
+dark remote places, where they either put out their lights, and rob
+them themselves, or run away and leave them to be pillaged by others,
+as is daily practised, I would have no person carry a link for hire
+but some of these industrious poor, and even such, not without some
+ticket or badge, to let people know whom they trust.&nbsp; Thus would
+the streets be cleared night and day of these vermin; nor would oaths,
+skirmishes, blasphemy, obscene talk, or other wicked examples, be so
+public and frequent.&nbsp; All gaming at orange and gingerbread barrows
+should be abolished, as also all penny and halfpenny lotteries, thimbles
+and balls, &amp;c., so frequent in Moorfields, Lincoln&rsquo;s-inn-fields,
+&amp;c., where idle fellows resort, to play with children and apprentices,
+and tempt them to steal their parents&rsquo; or master&rsquo;s money.</p>
+<p>There is one admirable custom in the city of London, which I could
+wish were imitated in the city and liberties of Westminster, and bills
+of mortality, which is, no porter can carry a burthen or letter in the
+city, unless he be a ticket porter; whereas, out of the freedom part
+of London, any person may take a knot and turn porter, till he be entrusted
+with something of value, and then you never hear of him more.</p>
+<p>This is very common, and ought to be amended.&nbsp; I would, therefore,
+have all porters under some such regulation as coachmen, chairmen, carmen,
+&amp;c.; a man may then know whom he entrusts, and not run the risk
+of losing his goods, &amp;c.&nbsp; Nay, I would not have a person carry
+a basket in the markets, who is not subject to some such regulation;
+for very many persons oftentimes lose their dinners in sending their
+meat home by persons they know nothing of.</p>
+<p>Thus would all our poor be stationed, and a man or woman able to
+perform any of these offices, must either comply or be termed an idle
+vagrant, and sent to a place where they shall be forced to work.&nbsp;
+By this means industry will be encouraged, idleness punished, and we
+shall be famed, as well as happy for our tranquillity and decorum.</p>
+<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS IS NOBODY'S</p>
+<pre>
+BUSINESS***
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+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business, by
+Daniel Defoe
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business
+
+
+Author: Daniel Defoe
+
+Release Date: April 20, 2005 [eBook #2052]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS IS NOBODY'S
+BUSINESS***
+
+
+
+
+
+
+Transcribed from the 1889 George Bell & Sons edition by David Price,
+email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk
+
+
+
+
+
+EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS
+
+
+or,
+
+PRIVATE ABUSES, PUBLIC GRIEVANCES:
+
+EXEMPLIFIED
+
+In the Pride, Insolence, and exorbitant Wages of our Women, Servants,
+Footmen, &c.
+
+WITH
+
+A Proposal for Amendment of the same; as also for clearing the Streets of
+those Vermin called Shoe-Cleaners, and substituting in their stead many
+Thousands of industrious Poor, now ready to starve. With divers other
+Hints of great Use to the Public.
+
+Humbly submitted the Consideration of our Legislature, and the careful
+Perusal of all Masters and Mistresses of Families.
+
+BY ANDREW MORETON, Esq.
+
+The Fifth Edition, with the Addition of a Preface.
+
+LONDON:
+
+Printed for W. MEADOWS, in Cornhill; and sold by T. WARNER, at the Black
+Boy in Pater-Noster Row; A. DODD, without Temple Bar; and E. NUTT, at the
+Royal Exchange. 1725.
+
+Price Six Pence.]
+
+
+
+
+THE PREFACE
+
+
+Since this little book appeared in print, it has had no less than three
+answers, and fresh attacks are daily expected from the powers of Grub-
+street; but should threescore antagonists more arise, unless they say
+more to the purpose than the forementioned, they shall not tempt me to
+reply.
+
+Nor shall I engage in a paper war, but leave my book to answer for
+itself, having advanced nothing therein but evident truths, and
+incontestible matters of fact.
+
+The general objection is against my style; I do not set up for an author,
+but write only to be understood, no matter how plain.
+
+As my intentions are good, so have they had the good fortune to meet with
+approbation from the sober and substantial part of mankind; as for the
+vicious and vagabond, their ill-will is my ambition.
+
+It is with uncommon satisfaction I see the magistracy begin to put the
+laws against vagabonds in force with the utmost vigour, a great many of
+those vermin, the japanners, having lately been taken up and sent to the
+several work-houses in and about this city; and indeed high time, for
+they grow every day more and more pernicious.
+
+My project for putting watchmen under commissioners, will, I hope, be put
+in practice; for it is scarce safe to go by water unless you know your
+man.
+
+As for the maid-servants, if I undervalue myself to take notice of them,
+as they are pleased to say, it is because they overvalue themselves so
+much they ought to be taken notice of.
+
+This makes the guilty take my subject by the wrong end, but any impartial
+reader may find, I write not against servants, but bad servants; not
+against wages, but exorbitant wages, and am entirely of the poet's
+opinion,
+
+ The good should meet with favour and applause,
+ The wicked be restrain'd by wholesome laws.
+
+The reason why I did not publish this book till the end of the last
+sessions of parliament was, because I did not care to interfere with more
+momentous affairs; but leave it to the consideration of that august body
+during this recess, against the next sessions, when I shall exhibit
+another complaint against a growing abuse, for which I doubt not but to
+receive their approbation and the thanks of all honest men.
+
+
+
+
+EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS
+
+
+This is a proverb so common in everybody's mouth, that I wonder nobody
+has yet thought it worth while to draw proper inferences from it, and
+expose those little abuses, which, though they seem trifling, and as it
+were scarce worth consideration, yet, by insensible degrees, they may
+become of injurious consequence to the public; like some diseases, whose
+first symptoms are only trifling disorders, but by continuance and
+progression, their last periods terminate in the destruction of the whole
+human fabric.
+
+In contradiction therefore to this general rule, and out of sincere love
+and well meaning to the public, give me leave to enumerate the abuses
+insensibly crept in among us, and the inconveniences daily arising from
+the insolence and intrigues of our servant-wenches, who, by their
+caballing together, have made their party so considerable, that everybody
+cries out against them; and yet, to verify the proverb, nobody has
+thought of, or at least proposed a remedy, although such an undertaking,
+mean as it seems to be, I hope will one day be thought worthy the
+consideration of our king, lords, and commons.
+
+Women servants are now so scarce, that from thirty and forty shillings a
+year, their wages are increased of late to six, seven, nay, eight pounds
+per annum, and upwards; insomuch that an ordinary tradesman cannot well
+keep one; but his wife, who might be useful in his shop or business, must
+do the drudgery of household affairs; and all this because our servant-
+wenches are so puffed up with pride nowadays, that they never think they
+go fine enough: it is a hard matter to know the mistress from the maid by
+their dress; nay, very often the maid shall be much the finer of the two.
+Our woollen manufacture suffers much by this, for nothing but silks and
+satins will go down with our kitchen-wenches; to support which
+intolerable pride, they have insensibly raised their wages to such a
+height as was never known in any age or nation but this.
+
+Let us trace this from the beginning, and suppose a person has a servant-
+maid sent him out of the country, at fifty shillings, or three pounds a
+year. The girl has scarce been a week, nay, a day in her service, but a
+committee of servant-wenches are appointed to examine her, who advise her
+to raise her wages, or give warning; to encourage her to which, the herb-
+woman, or chandler-woman, or some other old intelligencer, provides her a
+place of four or five pounds a year; this sets madam cock-a-hoop, and she
+thinks of nothing now but vails and high wages, and so gives warning from
+place to place, till she has got her wages up to the tip-top.
+
+Her neat's leathern shoes are now transformed into laced ones with high
+heels; her yarn stockings are turned into fine woollen ones, with silk
+clocks; and her high wooden pattens are kicked away for leathern clogs;
+she must have a hoop too, as well as her mistress; and her poor scanty
+linsey-woolsey petticoat is changed into a good silk one, for four or
+five yards wide at the least. Not to carry the description farther, in
+short, plain country Joan is now turned into a fine London madam, can
+drink tea, take snuff, and carry herself as high as the best.
+
+If she be tolerably handsome, and has any share of cunning, the
+apprentice or her master's son is enticed away and ruined by her. Thus
+many good families are impoverished and disgraced by these pert sluts,
+who, taking the advantage of a young man's simplicity and unruly desires,
+draw many heedless youths, nay, some of good estates, into their snares;
+and of this we have but too many instances.
+
+Some more artful shall conceal their condition, and palm themselves off
+on young fellows for gentlewomen and great fortunes. How many families
+have been ruined by these ladies? when the father or master of the
+family, preferring the flirting airs of a young prinked up strumpet, to
+the artless sincerity of a plain, grave, and good wife, has given his
+desires aloose, and destroyed soul, body, family, and estate. But they
+are very favourable if they wheedle nobody into matrimony, but only make
+a present of a small live creature, no bigger than a bastard, to some of
+the family, no matter who gets it; when a child is born it must be kept.
+
+Our sessions' papers of late are crowded with instances of servant-maids
+robbing their places, this can be only attributed to their devilish
+pride; for their whole inquiry nowadays is, how little they shall do, how
+much they shall have.
+
+But all this while they make so little reserve, that if they fall sick
+the parish must keep them, if they are out of place, they must prostitute
+their bodies, or starve; so that from clopping and changing, they
+generally proceed to whoring and thieving, and this is the reason why our
+streets swarm with strumpets.
+
+Thus many of them rove from place to place, from bawdy-house to service,
+and from service to bawdy-house again, ever unsettled and never easy,
+nothing being more common than to find these creatures one week in a good
+family, and the next in a brothel. This amphibious life makes them fit
+for neither, for if the bawd uses them ill, away they trip to service,
+and if the mistress gives them a wry word, whip they are at a bawdy-house
+again, so that in effect they neither make good whores nor good servants.
+
+Those who are not thus slippery in the tail, are light of finger; and of
+these the most pernicious are those who beggar you inchmeal. If a maid
+is a downright thief she strips you, it once, and you know your loss; but
+these retail pilferers waste you insensibly, and though you hardly miss
+it, yet your substance shall decay to such a degree, that you must have a
+very good bottom indeed not to feel the ill effects of such moths in your
+family.
+
+Tea, sugar, wine, &c., or any such trifling commodities, are reckoned no
+thefts, if they do not directly take your pewter from your shelf, or your
+linen from your drawers, they are very honest: What harm is there, say
+they, in cribbing a little matter for a junket, a merry bout or so? Nay,
+there are those that when they are sent to market for one joint of meat,
+shall take up two on their master's account, and leave one by the way,
+for some of these maids are mighty charitable, and can make a shift to
+maintain a small family with what they can purloin from their masters and
+mistresses.
+
+If you send them with ready money, they turn factors, and take threepence
+or fourpence in the shilling brokerage. And here let me take notice of
+one very heinous abuse, not to say petty felony, which is practised in
+most of the great families about town, which is, when the tradesman gives
+the house-keeper or other commanding servant a penny or twopence in the
+shilling, or so much in the pound, for everything they send in, and
+which, from thence, is called poundage.
+
+This, in my opinion, is the greatest of villanies, and ought to incur
+some punishment, yet nothing is more common, and our topping tradesmen,
+who seem otherwise to stand mightily on their credit, make this but a
+matter of course and custom. If I do not, says one, another will (for
+the servant is sure to pick a hole in the person's coat who shall not pay
+contribution). Thus this wicked practice is carried on and winked at,
+while receiving of stolen goods, and confederating with felons, which is
+not a jot worse, is so openly cried out against, and severely punished,
+witness Jonathan Wild.
+
+And yet if a master or mistress inquire after anything missing, they must
+be sure to place their words in due form, or madam huffs and flings about
+at a strange rate, What, would you make a thief of her? Who would live
+with such mistrustful folks? Thus you are obliged to hold your tongue,
+and sit down quietly by your loss, for fear of offending your maid,
+forsooth!
+
+Again, if your maid shall maintain one, two, or more persons from your
+table, whether they are her poor relations, countryfolk, servants out of
+place, shoe-cleaners, charwomen, porters, or any other of her menial
+servants, who do her ladyship's drudgery and go of her errands, you must
+not complain at your expense, or ask what has become of such a thing, or
+such a thing; although it might never so reasonably be supposed that it
+was altogether impossible to have so much expended in your family; but
+hold your tongue for peace sake, or madam will say, You grudge her
+victuals; and expose you to the last degree all over the neighbourhood.
+
+Thus have they a salve for every sore, cheat you to your face, and insult
+you into the bargain; nor can you help yourself without exposing
+yourself, or putting yourself into a passion.
+
+Another great abuse crept in among us, is the giving of veils to
+servants; this was intended originally as an encouragement to such as
+were willing and handy, but by custom and corruption it is now grown to
+be a thorn in our sides, and, like other good things, abused, does more
+harm than good; for now they make it a perquisite, a material part of
+their wages, nor must their master give a supper, but the maid expects
+the guests should pay for it, nay, sometimes through the nose. Thus have
+they spirited people up to this unnecessary and burthensome piece of
+generosity unknown to our forefathers, who only gave gifts to servants at
+Christmas-tide, which custom is yet kept into the bargain; insomuch that
+a maid shall have eight pounds per annum in a gentleman's or merchant's
+family. And if her master is a man of free spirit, who receives much
+company, she very often doubles her wages by her veils; thus having meat,
+drink, washing, and lodging for her labour, she throws her whole income
+upon her back, and by this means looks more like the mistress of the
+family than the servant-wench.
+
+And now we have mentioned washing, I would ask some good housewifely
+gentlewoman, if servant-maids wearing printed linens, cottons, and other
+things of that nature, which require frequent washing, do not, by
+enhancing the article of soap, add more to housekeeping than the
+generality of people would imagine? And yet these wretches cry out
+against great washes, when their own unnecessary dabs are very often the
+occasion.
+
+But the greatest abuse of all is, that these creatures are become their
+own lawgivers; nay, I think they are ours too, though nobody would
+imagine that such a set of slatterns should bamboozle a whole nation; but
+it is neither better nor worse, they hire themselves to you by their own
+rule.
+
+That is, a month's wages, or a month's warning; if they don't like you
+they will go away the next day, help yourself how you can; if you don't
+like them, you must give them a month's wages to get rid of them.
+
+This custom of warning, as practised by our maid-servants, is now become
+a great inconvenience to masters and mistresses. You must carry your
+dish very upright, or miss, forsooth, gives you warning, and you are
+either left destitute, or to seek for a servant; so that, generally
+speaking, you are seldom or never fixed, but always at the mercy of every
+new comer to divulge your family affairs, to inspect your private life,
+and treasure up the sayings of yourself and friends. A very great
+confinement, and much complained of in most families.
+
+Thus have these wenches, by their continual plotting and cabals, united
+themselves into a formidable body, and got the whip hand of their
+betters; they make their own terms with us; and two servants now, will
+scarce undertake the work which one might perform with ease;
+notwithstanding which, they have raised their wages to a most exorbitant
+pitch; and, I doubt not, if there be not a stop put to their career, but
+they will bring wages up to 201. per annum in time, for they are much
+about half way already.
+
+It is by these means they run away with a great part of our money, which
+might be better employed in trade, and what is worse, by their insolent
+behaviour, their pride in dress, and their exorbitant wages, they give
+birth to the following inconveniences.
+
+First, They set an ill example to our children, our apprentices, our
+covenant servants, and other dependants, by their saucy and insolent
+behaviour, their pert, and sometimes abusive answers, their daring
+defiance of correction, and many other insolences which youth are but too
+apt to imitate.
+
+Secondly, By their extravagance in dress, they put our wives and
+daughters upon yet greater excesses, because they will, as indeed they
+ought, go finer than the maid; thus the maid striving to outdo the
+mistress, the tradesman's wife to outdo the gentleman's wife, the
+gentleman's wife emulating the lady, and the ladies one another; it seems
+as if the whole business of the female sex were nothing but an excess of
+pride, and extravagance in dress.
+
+Thirdly, The great height to which women-servants have brought their
+wages, makes a mutiny among the men-servants, and puts them upon raising
+their wages too; so that in a little time our servants will become our
+partners; nay, probably, run away with the better part of our profits,
+and make servants of us _vice versa_. But yet with all these
+inconveniences, we cannot possibly do without these creatures; let us
+therefore cease to talk of the abuses arising from them, and begin to
+think of redressing them. I do not set up for a lawgiver, and therefore
+shall lay down no certain rules, humbly submitting in all things to the
+wisdom of our legislature. What I offer shall be under correction; and
+upon conjecture, my utmost ambition being but to give some hints to
+remedy this growing evil, and leave the prosecution to abler hands.
+
+And first it would be necessary to settle and limit their wages, from
+forty and fifty shillings to four and five pounds per annum, that is to
+say, according to their merits and capacities; for example, a young
+unexperienced servant should have forty shillings per annum, till she
+qualifies herself for a larger sum; a servant who can do all household
+work, or, as the good women term it, can take her work and leave her
+work, should have four pounds per annum; and those who have lived seven
+years in one service, should ever after demand five pounds per annum, for
+I would very fain have some particular encouragements and privileges
+given to such servants who should continue long in a place; it would
+incite a desire to please, and cause an emulation very beneficial to the
+public.
+
+I have heard of an ancient charity in the parish of St. Clement's Danes,
+where a sum of money, or estate, is left, out of the interest or income
+of which such maid-servants, who have lived in that parish seven years in
+one service, receive a reward of ten pounds apiece, if they please to
+demand it.
+
+This is a noble benefaction, and shows the public spirit of the donor;
+but everybody's business is nobody's; nor have I heard that such reward
+has been paid to any servant of late years. A thousand pities a gift of
+that nature should sink into oblivion, and not be kept up as an example
+to incite all parishes to do the like.
+
+The Romans had a law called _Jus Trium Liberorum_, by which every man who
+had been a father of three children, had particular honours and
+privileges. This incited the youth to quit a dissolute single life and
+become fathers of families, to the support and glory of the empire.
+
+In imitation of this most excellent law, I would have such servants, who
+should continue many years in one service, meet with singular esteem and
+reward.
+
+The apparel of our women-servants should be next regulated, that we may
+know the mistress from the maid. I remember I was once put very much to
+the blush, being at a friend's house, and by him required to salute the
+ladies, I kissed the chamber-jade into the bargain, for she was as well
+dressed as the best. But I was soon undeceived by a general titter,
+which gave me the utmost confusion; nor can I believe myself the only
+person who has made such a mistake.
+
+Things of this nature would be easily avoided, if servant-maids were to
+wear liveries, as our footmen do; or obliged to go in a dress suitable to
+their station. What should ail them, but a jacket and petticoat of good
+yard-wide stuff, or calimanco, might keep them decent and warm.
+
+Our charity children are distinguished by their dress, why then may not
+our women-servants? why may they not be made frugal per force, and not
+suffered to put all on their backs, but obliged to save something against
+a rainy day? I am, therefore, entirely against servants wearing of
+silks, laces, and other superfluous finery; it sets them above
+themselves, and makes their mistresses contemptible in their eyes. I am
+handsomer than my mistress, says a young prinked up baggage, what pity it
+is I should be her servant, I go as well dressed, or better than she.
+This makes the girl take the first offer to be made a whore, and there is
+a good servant spoiled; whereas, were her dress suitable to her
+condition, it would teach her humility, and put her in mind of her duty.
+
+Besides the fear of spoiling their clothes makes them afraid of household-
+work; so that in a little time we shall have none but chambermaids and
+nurserymaids; and of this let me give one instance; my family is composed
+of myself and sister, a man and a maid; and, being without the last, a
+young wench came to hire herself. The man was gone out, and my sister
+above stairs, so I opened the door myself; and this person presented
+herself to my view, dressed completely, more like a visitor than a
+servant-maid; she, not knowing me, asked for my sister; pray, madam, said
+I, be pleased to walk into the parlour, she shall wait on you presently.
+Accordingly I handed madam in, who took it very cordially. After some
+apology, I left her alone for a minute or two; while I, stupid wretch!
+ran up to my sister, and told her there was a gentlewoman below come to
+visit her. Dear brother, said she, don't leave her alone, go down and
+entertain her while I dress myself. Accordingly, down I went, and talked
+of indifferent affairs; meanwhile my sister dressed herself all over
+again, not being willing to be seen in an undress. At last she came down
+dressed as clean as her visitor; but how great was my surprise when I
+found my fine lady a common servant-wench.
+
+My sister understanding what she was, began to inquire what wages she
+expected? She modestly asked but eight pounds a year. The next question
+was, what work she could do to deserve such wages? to which she answered,
+she could clean a house, or dress a common family dinner. But cannot you
+wash, replied my sister, or get up linen? she answered in the negative,
+and said, she would undertake neither, nor would she go into a family
+that did not put out their linen to wash, and hire a charwoman to scour.
+She desired to see the house, and having carefully surveyed it, said, the
+work was too hard for her, nor could she undertake it. This put my
+sister beyond all patience, and me into the greatest admiration. Young
+woman, said she, you have made a mistake, I want a housemaid, and you are
+a chambermaid. No, madam, replied she, I am not needlewoman enough for
+that. And yet you ask eight pounds a year, replied my sister. Yes,
+madam, said she, nor shall I bate a farthing. Then get you gone for a
+lazy impudent baggage, said I, you want to be a boarder not a servant;
+have you a fortune or estate that you dress at that rate? No, sir, said
+she, but I hope I may wear what I work for without offence. What you
+work, interrupted my sister, why you do not seem willing to undertake any
+work; you will not wash nor scour; you cannot dress a dinner for company;
+you are no needlewoman; and our little house of two rooms on a floor, is
+too much for you. For God's sake what can you do? Madam, replied she
+pertly; I know my business; and do not fear a service; there are more
+places than parish churches; if you wash at home, you should have a
+laundrymaid; if you give entertainments, you must have a cookmaid; if you
+have any needlework, you should have a chambermaid; and such a house as
+this is enough for a housemaid in all conscience.
+
+I was pleased at the wit, and astonished at the impudence of the girl, so
+dismissed her with thanks for her instructions, assuring her that when I
+kept four maids she should be housemaid if she pleased.
+
+Were a servant to do my business with cheerfulness, I should not grudge
+at five or six pounds per annum; nor would I be so unchristian to put
+more upon any one than they can bear; but to pray and pay too is the
+devil. It is very hard, that I must keep four servants or none.
+
+In great families, indeed, where many servants are required, those
+distinctions of chambermaid, housemaid, cookmaid, laundrymaid,
+nurserymaid, &c., are requisite, to the end that each may take her
+particular business, and many hands may make the work light; but for a
+private gentleman, of a small fortune, to be obliged to keep so many idle
+jades, when one might do the business, is intolerable, and matter of
+great grievance.
+
+I cannot close this discourse without a gentle admonition and reproof to
+some of my own sex, I mean those gentlemen who give themselves
+unnecessary airs, and cannot go to see a friend, but they must kiss and
+slop the maid; and all this is done with an air of gallantry, and must
+not be resented. Nay, some gentlemen are so silly, that they shall carry
+on an underhand affair with their friend's servant-maid, to their own
+disgrace, and the ruin of many a young creature. Nothing is more base
+and ungenerous, yet nothing more common, and withal so little taken
+notice of. D-n me, Jack, says one friend to another, this maid of yours
+is a pretty girl, you do so and so to her, by G-d. This makes the
+creature pert, vain, and impudent, and spoils many a good servant.
+
+What gentleman will descend to this low way of intrigue, when he shall
+consider that he has a footboy or an apprentice for his rival, and that
+he is seldom or never admitted, but when they have been his tasters; and
+the fool of fortune, though he comes at the latter end of the feast, yet
+pays the whole reckoning; and so indeed would I have all such silly
+cullies served.
+
+If I must have an intrigue, let it be with a woman that shall not shame
+me. I would never go into the kitchen, when the parlour door was open.
+We are forbidden at Highgate, to kiss the maid when we may kiss the
+mistress; why then will gentlemen descend so low, by too much familiarity
+with these creatures, to bring themselves into contempt?
+
+I have been at places where the maid has been so dizzied with these idle
+compliments that she has mistook one thing for another, and not regarded
+her mistress in the least; but put on all the flirting airs imaginable.
+This behaviour is nowhere so much complained of as in taverns,
+coffeehouses, and places of public resort, where there are handsome bar-
+keepers, &c. These creatures being puffed up with the fulsome flattery
+of a set of flesh-flies, which are continually buzzing about them, carry
+themselves with the utmost insolence imaginable; insomuch, that you must
+speak to them with a great deal of deference, or you are sure to be
+affronted. Being at a coffeehouse the other day, where one of these
+ladies kept the bar, I had bespoke a dish of rice tea; but madam was so
+taken up with her sparks, she had quite forgot it. I spake for it again,
+and with some temper, but was answered after a most taunting manner, not
+without a toss of the head, a contraction of the nostrils, and other
+impertinences, too many to enumerate. Seeing myself thus publicly
+insulted by such an animal, I could not choose but show my resentment.
+Woman, said I, sternly, I want a dish of rice tea, and not what your
+vanity and impudence may imagine; therefore treat me as a gentleman and a
+customer, and serve me with what I call for: keep your impertinent
+repartees and impudent behaviour for the coxcombs that swarm round your
+bar, and make you so vain of your blown carcase. And indeed I believe
+the insolence of this creature will ruin her master at last, by driving
+away men of sobriety and business, and making the place a den of
+vagabonds and rakehells.
+
+Gentlemen, therefore, ought to be very circumspect in their behaviour,
+and not undervalue themselves to servant-wenches, who are but too apt to
+treat a gentleman ill whenever he puts himself into their power.
+
+Let me now beg pardon for this digression, and return to my subject by
+proposing some practicable methods for regulating of servants, which,
+whether they are followed or not, yet, if they afford matter of
+improvement and speculation, will answer the height of my expectation,
+and I will be the first who shall approve of whatever improvements are
+made from this small beginning.
+
+The first abuse I would have reformed is, that servants should be
+restrained from throwing themselves out of place on every idle vagary.
+This might be remedied were all contracts between master and servant made
+before a justice of peace, or other proper officer, and a memorandum
+thereof taken in writing. Nor should such servant leave his or her place
+(for men and maids might come under the same regulation) till the time
+agreed on be expired, unless such servant be misused or denied
+necessaries, or show some other reasonable cause for their discharge. In
+that case, the master or mistress should be reprimanded or fined. But if
+servants misbehave themselves, or leave their places, not being regularly
+discharged, they ought to be amerced or punished. But all those idle,
+ridiculous customs, and laws of their own making, as a month's wages, or
+a month's warning, and suchlike, should be entirely set aside and
+abolished.
+
+When a servant has served the limited time duly and faithfully, they
+should be entitled to a certificate, as is practised at present in the
+wool-combing trade; nor should any person hire a servant without a
+certificate or other proper security. A servant without a certificate
+should be deemed a vagrant; and a master or mistress ought to assign very
+good reasons indeed when they object against giving a servant his or her
+certificate.
+
+And though, to avoid prolixity, I have not mentioned footmen particularly
+in the foregoing discourse, yet the complaints alleged against the maids
+are as well masculine as feminine, and very applicable to our gentlemen's
+gentlemen; I would, therefore, have them under the very same regulations,
+and, as they are fellow-servants, would not make fish of one and flesh of
+the other, since daily experience teaches us, that "never a barrel the
+better herring."
+
+The next great abuse among us is, that under the notion of cleaning our
+shoes, above ten thousand wicked, idle, pilfering vagrants are permitted
+to patrol about our city and suburbs. These are called the black-guard,
+who black your honour's shoes, and incorporate themselves under the title
+of the Worshipful Company of Japanners.
+
+Were this all, there were no hurt in it, and the whole might terminate in
+a jest; but the mischief ends not here, they corrupt our youth,
+especially our men-servants; oaths and impudence are their only flowers
+of rhetoric; gaming and thieving are the principal parts of their
+profession; japanning but the pretence. For example, a gentleman keeps a
+servant, who among other things is to clean his master's shoes; but our
+gentlemen's gentlemen are above it nowadays, and your man's man performs
+the office, for which piece of service you pay double and treble,
+especially if you keep a table, nay, you are well off if the japanner has
+no more than his own diet from it.
+
+I have often observed these rascals sneaking from gentlemen's doors with
+wallets or hats' full of good victuals, which they either carry to their
+trulls, or sell for a trifle. By this means, our butcher's, our baker's,
+our poulterer's, and cheesemonger's bills are monstrously exaggerated;
+not to mention candles just lighted, which sell for fivepence a pound,
+and many other perquisites best known to themselves and the pilfering
+villains their confederates.
+
+Add to this, that their continual gaming sets servants upon their wits to
+supply this extravagance, though at the same time the master's pocket
+pays for it, and the time which should be spent in a gentleman's service
+is loitered away among these rakehells, insomuch that half our messages
+are ineffectual, the time intended being often expired before the message
+is delivered.
+
+How many frequent robberies are committed by these japanners? And to how
+many more are they confederates? Silver spoons, spurs, and other small
+pieces of plate, are every day missing, and very often found upon these
+sort of gentlemen; yet are they permitted, to the shame of all our good
+laws, and the scandal of our most excellent government, to lurk about our
+streets, to debauch our servants and apprentices, and support an infinite
+number of scandalous, shameless trulls, yet more wicked than themselves,
+for not a Jack among them but must have his Gill.
+
+By whom such indecencies are daily acted, even in our open streets, as
+are very offensive to the eyes and ears of all sober persons, and even
+abominable in a Christian country.
+
+In any riot, or other disturbance, these sparks are always the foremost;
+for most among them can turn their hands to picking of pockets, to run
+away with goods from a fire, or other public confusion, to snatch
+anything from a woman or child, to strip a house when the door is open,
+or any other branch of a thief's profession.
+
+In short, it is a nursery for thieves and villains; modest women are
+every day insulted by them and their strumpets; and such children who run
+about the streets, or those servants who go on errands, do but too
+frequently bring home some scraps of their beastly profane wit; insomuch,
+that the conversation of our lower rank of people runs only upon bawdy
+and blasphemy, notwithstanding our societies for reformation, and our
+laws in force against profaneness; for this lazy life gets them many
+proselytes, their numbers daily increasing from runaway apprentices and
+footboys, insomuch that it is a very hard matter for a gentleman to get
+him a servant, or for a tradesman to find an apprentice.
+
+Innumerable other mischiefs accrue, and others will spring up from this
+race of caterpillars, who must be swept from out our streets, or we shall
+be overrun with all manner of wickedness.
+
+But the subject is so low, it becomes disagreeable even to myself; give
+me leave, therefore, to propose a way to clear the streets of these
+vermin, and to substitute as many honest industrious persons in their
+stead, who are now starving for want of bread, while these execrable
+villains live, though in rags and nastiness, yet in plenty and luxury.
+
+I, therefore, humbly propose that these vagabonds be put immediately
+under the command of such taskmasters as the government shall appoint,
+and that they be employed, punished, or rewarded, according to their
+capacities and demerits; that is to say, the industrious and docible to
+wool-combing, and other parts of the woollen manufacture, where hands are
+wanted, as also to husbandry and other parts of agriculture.
+
+For it is evident that there are scarce hands enow in the country to
+carry on either of these affairs. Now, these vagabonds might not only by
+this means be kept out of harm's way, but be rendered serviceable to the
+nation. Nor is there any need of transporting them beyond seas, for if
+any are refractory they should be sent to our stannaries and other mines,
+to our coal works and other places where hard labour is required. And
+here I must offer one thing never yet thought of, or proposed by any, and
+that is, the keeping in due repair the navigation of the river Thames, so
+useful to our trade in general; and yet of late years such vast hills of
+sand are gathered together in several parts of the river, as are very
+prejudicial to its navigation, one which is near London Bridge, another
+near Whitehall, a third near Battersea, and a fourth near Fulham. These
+are of very great hindrance to the navigation; and indeed the removal of
+them ought to be a national concern, which I humbly propose may be thus
+effected.
+
+The rebellious part of these vagabonds, as also other thieves and
+offenders, should be formed into bodies under the command of proper
+officers, and under the guard and awe of our soldiery. These should
+every day at low water carry away these sandhills, and remove every other
+obstruction to the navigation of this most excellent and useful river.
+
+It may be objected that the ballast men might do this; that as fast as
+the hills are taken away they would gather together again, or that the
+watermen might do it. To the first, I answer, that ballast men, instead
+of taking away from these hills, make holes in other places of the river,
+which is the reason so many young persons are drowned when swimming or
+bathing in the river.
+
+Besides, it is a work for many hands, and of long continuance; so that
+ballast men do more harm than good. The second objection is as silly; as
+if I should never wash myself, because I shall be dirty again, and I
+think needs no other answer. And as to the third objection, the watermen
+are not so public-spirited, they live only from hand to mouth, though not
+one of them but finds the inconvenience of these hills, every day being
+obliged to go a great way round about for fear of running aground;
+insomuch that in a few years the navigation of that part of the river
+will be entirely obstructed. Nevertheless, every one of these gentlemen-
+watermen hopes it will last his time, and so they all cry, The devil take
+the hindmost. But yet I judge it highly necessary that this be made a
+national concern, like Dagenham breach, and that these hills be removed
+by some means or other.
+
+And now I have mentioned watermen, give me leave to complain of the
+insolences and exactions they daily commit on the river Thames, and in
+particular this one instance, which cries aloud for justice.
+
+A young lady of distinction, in company with her brother, a little youth,
+took a pair of oars at or near the Temple, on April day last, and ordered
+the men to carry them to Pepper Alley Stairs. One of the fellows,
+according to their usual impertinence, asked the lady where she was
+going? She answered, near St. Olave's church. Upon which he said, she
+had better go through the bridge. The lady replied she had never gone
+through the bridge in her life, nor would she venture for a hundred
+guineas; so commanded him once more to land her at Pepper Alley Stairs.
+Notwithstanding which, in spite of her fears, threats, and commands; nay,
+in spite of the persuasion of his fellow, he forced her through London
+Bridge, which frightened her beyond expression. And to mend the matter,
+he obliged her to pay double fare, and mobbed her into the bargain.
+
+To resent which abuse, application was made to the hall, the fellow
+summoned, and the lady ordered to attend, which she did, waiting there
+all the morning, and was appointed to call again in the afternoon. She
+came accordingly, they told her the fellow had been there, but was gone,
+and that she must attend another Friday. She attended again and again,
+but to the same purpose. Nor have they yet produced the man, but tired
+out the lady, who has spent above ten shillings in coach-hire, been
+abused and baffled into the bargain.
+
+It is pity, therefore, there are not commissioners for watermen, as there
+are for hackney coachmen; or that justices of the peace might not inflict
+bodily penalties on watermen thus offending. But while watermen are
+watermen's judges, I shall laugh at those who carry their complaints to
+the hall.
+
+The usual plea in behalf of abusive watermen is, that they are drunk,
+ignorant, or poor; but will that satisfy the party aggrieved, or deter
+the offender from reoffending? Whereas were the offenders sent to the
+house of correction, and there punished, or sentenced to work at the
+sandhills aforementioned, for a time suitable to the nature of their
+crimes, terror of such punishments would make them fearful of offending,
+to the great quiet of the subject.
+
+Now, it maybe asked, How shall we have our shoes cleaned, or how are
+these industrious poor to be maintained? To this I answer that the
+places of these vagabonds may be very well supplied by great numbers of
+ancient persons, poor widows, and others, who have not enough from their
+respective parishes to maintain them. These poor people I would have
+authorised and stationed by the justices of the peace or other
+magistrates. Each of these should have a particular walk or stand, and
+no other shoe-cleaner should come into that walk, unless the person
+misbehave and be removed. Nor should any person clean shoes in the
+streets, but these authorised shoe-cleaners, who should have some mark of
+distinction, and be under the immediate government of the justices of the
+peace.
+
+Thus would many thousands of poor people be provided for, without
+burthening their parishes. Some of these may earn a shilling or two in
+the day, and none less than sixpence, or thereabouts. And lest the old
+japanners should appear again, in the shape of linkboys, and knock down
+gentlemen in drink, or lead others out of the way into dark remote
+places, where they either put out their lights, and rob them themselves,
+or run away and leave them to be pillaged by others, as is daily
+practised, I would have no person carry a link for hire but some of these
+industrious poor, and even such, not without some ticket or badge, to let
+people know whom they trust. Thus would the streets be cleared night and
+day of these vermin; nor would oaths, skirmishes, blasphemy, obscene
+talk, or other wicked examples, be so public and frequent. All gaming at
+orange and gingerbread barrows should be abolished, as also all penny and
+halfpenny lotteries, thimbles and balls, &c., so frequent in Moorfields,
+Lincoln's-inn-fields, &c., where idle fellows resort, to play with
+children and apprentices, and tempt them to steal their parents' or
+master's money.
+
+There is one admirable custom in the city of London, which I could wish
+were imitated in the city and liberties of Westminster, and bills of
+mortality, which is, no porter can carry a burthen or letter in the city,
+unless he be a ticket porter; whereas, out of the freedom part of London,
+any person may take a knot and turn porter, till he be entrusted with
+something of value, and then you never hear of him more.
+
+This is very common, and ought to be amended. I would, therefore, have
+all porters under some such regulation as coachmen, chairmen, carmen,
+&c.; a man may then know whom he entrusts, and not run the risk of losing
+his goods, &c. Nay, I would not have a person carry a basket in the
+markets, who is not subject to some such regulation; for very many
+persons oftentimes lose their dinners in sending their meat home by
+persons they know nothing of.
+
+Thus would all our poor be stationed, and a man or woman able to perform
+any of these offices, must either comply or be termed an idle vagrant,
+and sent to a place where they shall be forced to work. By this means
+industry will be encouraged, idleness punished, and we shall be famed, as
+well as happy for our tranquillity and decorum.
+
+
+
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+Project Gutenberg Etext Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business
+#8 in our series by Daniel Defoe
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+Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business
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+by Daniel Defoe
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+Project Gutenberg Etext Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business
+******This file should be named ebdyb10.txt or ebdyb10.zip******
+
+
+
+
+
+EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS
+or,
+PRIVATE ABUSES, PUBLIC GRIEVANCES:
+EXEMPLIFIED
+In the Pride, Insolence, and exorbitant Wages of our Women,
+Servants, Footmen, &c.
+
+by Daniel Defoe
+
+
+
+
+WITH
+
+A Proposal for Amendment of the same; as also for clearing the
+Streets of those Vermin called Shoe-Cleaners, and substituting in
+their stead many Thousands of industrious Poor, now ready to
+starve. With divers other Hints of great Use to the Public.
+
+Humbly submitted the Consideration of our Legislature, and the
+careful Perusal of all Masters and Mistresses of Families.
+
+BY ANDREW MORETON, Esq.
+
+The Fifth Edition, with the Addition of a Preface.
+
+
+
+
+THE PREFACE
+
+
+
+Since this little book appeared in print, it has had no less than
+three answers, and fresh attacks are daily expected from the powers
+of Grub-street; but should threescore antagonists more arise,
+unless they say more to the purpose than the forementioned, they
+shall not tempt me to reply.
+
+Nor shall I engage in a paper war, but leave my book to answer for
+itself, having advanced nothing therein but evident truths, and
+incontestible matters of fact.
+
+The general objection is against my style; I do not set up for an
+author, but write only to be understood, no matter how plain.
+
+As my intentions are good, so have they had the good fortune to
+meet with approbation from the sober and substantial part of
+mankind; as for the vicious and vagabond, their ill-will is my
+ambition.
+
+It is with uncommon satisfaction I see the magistracy begin to put
+the laws against vagabonds in force with the utmost vigour, a great
+many of those vermin, the japanners, having lately been taken up
+and sent to the several work-houses in and about this city; and
+indeed high time, for they grow every day more and more pernicious.
+
+My project for putting watchmen under commissioners, will, I hope,
+be put in practice; for it is scarce safe to go by water unless you
+know your man.
+
+As for the maid-servants, if I undervalue myself to take notice of
+them, as they are pleased to say, it is because they overvalue
+themselves so much they ought to be taken notice of.
+
+This makes the guilty take my subject by the wrong end, but any
+impartial reader may find, I write not against servants, but bad
+servants; not against wages, but exorbitant wages, and am entirely
+of the poet's opinion,
+
+
+The good should meet with favour and applause,
+The wicked be restrain'd by wholesome laws.
+
+
+The reason why I did not publish this book till the end of the last
+sessions of parliament was, because I did not care to interfere
+with more momentous affairs; but leave it to the consideration of
+that august body during this recess, against the next sessions,
+when I shall exhibit another complaint against a growing abuse, for
+which I doubt not but to receive their approbation and the thanks
+of all honest men.
+
+
+
+
+EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS
+
+by Daniel Defoe
+
+
+
+
+This is a proverb so common in everybody's mouth, that I wonder
+nobody has yet thought it worth while to draw proper inferences
+from it, and expose those little abuses, which, though they seem
+trifling, and as it were scarce worth consideration, yet, by
+insensible degrees, they may become of injurious consequence to the
+public; like some diseases, whose first symptoms are only trifling
+disorders, but by continuance and progression, their last periods
+terminate in the destruction of the whole human fabric.
+
+In contradiction therefore to this general rule, and out of sincere
+love and well meaning to the public, give me leave to enumerate the
+abuses insensibly crept in among us, and the inconveniences daily
+arising from the insolence and intrigues of our servant-wenches,
+who, by their caballing together, have made their party so
+considerable, that everybody cries out against them; and yet, to
+verify the proverb, nobody has thought of, or at least proposed a
+remedy, although such an undertaking, mean as it seems to be, I
+hope will one day be thought worthy the consideration of our king,
+lords, and commons.
+
+Women servants are now so scarce, that from thirty and forty
+shillings a year, their wages are increased of late to six, seven,
+nay, eight pounds per annum, and upwards; insomuch that an ordinary
+tradesman cannot well keep one; but his wife, who might be useful
+in his shop or business, must do the drudgery of household affairs;
+and all this because our servant-wenches are so puffed up with
+pride nowadays, that they never think they go fine enough: it is a
+hard matter to know the mistress from the maid by their dress; nay,
+very often the maid shall be much the finer of the two. Our
+woollen manufacture suffers much by this, for nothing but silks and
+satins will go down with our kitchen-wenches; to support which
+intolerable pride, they have insensibly raised their wages to such
+a height as was never known in any age or nation but this.
+
+Let us trace this from the beginning, and suppose a person has a
+servant-maid sent him out of the country, at fifty shillings, or
+three pounds a year. The girl has scarce been a week, nay, a day
+in her service, but a committee of servant-wenches are appointed to
+examine her, who advise her to raise her wages, or give warning; to
+encourage her to which, the herb-woman, or chandler-woman, or some
+other old intelligencer, provides her a place of four or five
+pounds a year; this sets madam cock-a-hoop, and she thinks of
+nothing now but vails and high wages, and so gives warning from
+place to place, till she has got her wages up to the tip-top.
+
+Her neat's leathern shoes are now transformed into laced ones with
+high heels; her yarn stockings are turned into fine woollen ones,
+with silk clocks; and her high wooden pattens are kicked away for
+leathern clogs; she must have a hoop too, as well as her mistress;
+and her poor scanty linsey-woolsey petticoat is changed into a good
+silk one, for four or five yards wide at the least. Not to carry
+the description farther, in short, plain country Joan is now turned
+into a fine London madam, can drink tea, take snuff, and carry
+herself as high as the best.
+
+If she be tolerably handsome, and has any share of cunning, the
+apprentice or her master's son is enticed away and ruined by her.
+Thus many good families are impoverished and disgraced by these
+pert sluts, who, taking the advantage of a young man's simplicity
+and unruly desires, draw many heedless youths, nay, some of good
+estates, into their snares; and of this we have but too many
+instances.
+
+Some more artful shall conceal their condition, and palm themselves
+off on young fellows for gentlewomen and great fortunes. How many
+families have been ruined by these ladies? when the father or
+master of the family, preferring the flirting airs of a young
+prinked up strumpet, to the artless sincerity of a plain, grave,
+and good wife, has given his desires aloose, and destroyed soul,
+body, family, and estate. But they are very favourable if they
+wheedle nobody into matrimony, but only make a present of a small
+live creature, no bigger than a bastard, to some of the family, no
+matter who gets it; when a child is born it must be kept.
+
+Our sessions' papers of late are crowded with instances of servant-
+maids robbing their places, this can be only attributed to their
+devilish pride; for their whole inquiry nowadays is, how little
+they shall do, how much they shall have.
+
+But all this while they make so little reserve, that if they fall
+sick the parish must keep them, if they are out of place, they must
+prostitute their bodies, or starve; so that from clopping and
+changing, they generally proceed to whoring and thieving, and this
+is the reason why our streets swarm with strumpets.
+
+Thus many of them rove from place to place, from bawdy-house to
+service, and from service to bawdy-house again, ever unsettled and
+never easy, nothing being more common than to find these creatures
+one week in a good family, and the next in a brothel. This
+amphibious life makes them fit for neither, for if the bawd uses
+them ill, away they trip to service, and if the mistress gives them
+a wry word, whip they are at a bawdy-house again, so that in effect
+they neither make good whores nor good servants.
+
+Those who are not thus slippery in the tail, are light of finger;
+and of these the most pernicious are those who beggar you inchmeal.
+If a maid is a downright thief she strips you, it once, and you
+know your loss; but these retail pilferers waste you insensibly,
+and though you hardly miss it, yet your substance shall decay to
+such a degree, that you must have a very good bottom indeed not to
+feel the ill effects of such moths in your family.
+
+Tea, sugar, wine, &c., or any such trifling commodities, are
+reckoned no thefts, if they do not directly take your pewter from
+your shelf, or your linen from your drawers, they are very honest:
+What harm is there, say they, in cribbing a little matter for a
+junket, a merry bout or so? Nay, there are those that when they
+are sent to market for one joint of meat, shall take up two on
+their master's account, and leave one by the way, for some of these
+maids are mighty charitable, and can make a shift to maintain a
+small family with what they can purloin from their masters and
+mistresses.
+
+If you send them with ready money, they turn factors, and take
+threepence or fourpence in the shilling brokerage. And here let me
+take notice of one very heinous abuse, not to say petty felony,
+which is practised in most of the great families about town, which
+is, when the tradesman gives the house-keeper or other commanding
+servant a penny or twopence in the shilling, or so much in the
+pound, for everything they send in, and which, from thence, is
+called poundage.
+
+This, in my opinion, is the greatest of villanies, and ought to
+incur some punishment, yet nothing is more common, and our topping
+tradesmen, who seem otherwise to stand mightily on their credit,
+make this but a matter of course and custom. If I do not, says
+one, another will (for the servant is sure to pick a hole in the
+person's coat who shall not pay contribution). Thus this wicked
+practice is carried on and winked at, while receiving of stolen
+goods, and confederating with felons, which is not a jot worse, is
+so openly cried out against, and severely punished, witness
+Jonathan Wild.
+
+And yet if a master or mistress inquire after anything missing,
+they must be sure to place their words in due form, or madam huffs
+and flings about at a strange rate, What, would you make a thief of
+her? Who would live with such mistrustful folks? Thus you are
+obliged to hold your tongue, and sit down quietly by your loss, for
+fear of offending your maid, forsooth!
+
+Again, if your maid shall maintain one, two, or more persons from
+your table, whether they are her poor relations, countryfolk,
+servants out of place, shoe-cleaners, charwomen, porters, or any
+other of her menial servants, who do her ladyship's drudgery and go
+of her errands, you must not complain at your expense, or ask what
+has become of such a thing, or such a thing; although it might
+never so reasonably be supposed that it was altogether impossible
+to have so much expended in your family; but hold your tongue for
+peace sake, or madam will say, You grudge her victuals; and expose
+you to the last degree all over the neighbourhood.
+
+Thus have they a salve for every sore, cheat you to your face, and
+insult you into the bargain; nor can you help yourself without
+exposing yourself, or putting yourself into a passion.
+
+Another great abuse crept in among us, is the giving of veils to
+servants; this was intended originally as an encouragement to such
+as were willing and handy, but by custom and corruption it is now
+grown to be a thorn in our sides, and, like other good things,
+abused, does more harm than good; for now they make it a
+perquisite, a material part of their wages, nor must their master
+give a supper, but the maid expects the guests should pay for it,
+nay, sometimes through the nose. Thus have they spirited people up
+to this unnecessary and burthensome piece of generosity unknown to
+our forefathers, who only gave gifts to servants at Christmas-tide,
+which custom is yet kept into the bargain; insomuch that a maid
+shall have eight pounds per annum in a gentleman's or merchant's
+family. And if her master is a man of free spirit, who receives
+much company, she very often doubles her wages by her veils; thus
+having meat, drink, washing, and lodging for her labour, she throws
+her whole income upon her back, and by this means looks more like
+the mistress of the family than the servant-wench.
+
+And now we have mentioned washing, I would ask some good
+housewifely gentlewoman, if servant-maids wearing printed linens,
+cottons, and other things of that nature, which require frequent
+washing, do not, by enhancing the article of soap, add more to
+housekeeping than the generality of people would imagine? And yet
+these wretches cry out against great washes, when their own
+unnecessary dabs are very often the occasion.
+
+But the greatest abuse of all is, that these creatures are become
+their own lawgivers; nay, I think they are ours too, though nobody
+would imagine that such a set of slatterns should bamboozle a whole
+nation; but it is neither better nor worse, they hire themselves to
+you by their own rule.
+
+That is, a month's wages, or a month's warning; if they don't like
+you they will go away the next day, help yourself how you can; if
+you don't like them, you must give them a month's wages to get rid
+of them.
+
+This custom of warning, as practised by our maid-servants, is now
+become a great inconvenience to masters and mistresses. You must
+carry your dish very upright, or miss, forsooth, gives you warning,
+and you are either left destitute, or to seek for a servant; so
+that, generally speaking, you are seldom or never fixed, but always
+at the mercy of every new comer to divulge your family affairs, to
+inspect your private life, and treasure up the sayings of yourself
+and friends. A very great confinement, and much complained of in
+most families.
+
+Thus have these wenches, by their continual plotting and cabals,
+united themselves into a formidable body, and got the whip hand of
+their betters; they make their own terms with us; and two servants
+now, will scarce undertake the work which one might perform with
+ease; notwithstanding which, they have raised their wages to a most
+exorbitant pitch; and, I doubt not, if there be not a stop put to
+their career, but they will bring wages up to 201. per annum in
+time, for they are much about half way already.
+
+It is by these means they run away with a great part of our money,
+which might be better employed in trade, and what is worse, by
+their insolent behaviour, their pride in dress, and their
+exorbitant wages, they give birth to the following inconveniences.
+
+First, They set an ill example to our children, our apprentices,
+our covenant servants, and other dependants, by their saucy and
+insolent behaviour, their pert, and sometimes abusive answers,
+their daring defiance of correction, and many other insolences
+which youth are but too apt to imitate.
+
+Secondly, By their extravagance in dress, they put our wives and
+daughters upon yet greater excesses, because they will, as indeed
+they ought, go finer than the maid; thus the maid striving to outdo
+the mistress, the tradesman's wife to outdo the gentleman's wife,
+the gentleman's wife emulating the lady, and the ladies one
+another; it seems as if the whole business of the female sex were
+nothing but an excess of pride, and extravagance in dress.
+
+Thirdly, The great height to which women-servants have brought
+their wages, makes a mutiny among the men-servants, and puts them
+upon raising their wages too; so that in a little time our servants
+will become our partners; nay, probably, run away with the better
+part of our profits, and make servants of us vice versa. But yet
+with all these inconveniences, we cannot possibly do without these
+creatures; let us therefore cease to talk of the abuses arising
+from them, and begin to think of redressing them. I do not set up
+for a lawgiver, and therefore shall lay down no certain rules,
+humbly submitting in all things to the wisdom of our legislature.
+What I offer shall be under correction; and upon conjecture, my
+utmost ambition being but to give some hints to remedy this growing
+evil, and leave the prosecution to abler hands.
+
+And first it would be necessary to settle and limit their wages,
+from forty and fifty shillings to four and five pounds per annum,
+that is to say, according to their merits and capacities; for
+example, a young unexperienced servant should have forty shillings
+per annum, till she qualifies herself for a larger sum; a servant
+who can do all household work, or, as the good women term it, can
+take her work and leave her work, should have four pounds per
+annum; and those who have lived seven years in one service, should
+ever after demand five pounds per annum, for I would very fain have
+some particular encouragements and privileges given to such
+servants who should continue long in a place; it would incite a
+desire to please, and cause an emulation very beneficial to the
+public.
+
+I have heard of an ancient charity in the parish of St. Clement's
+Danes, where a sum of money, or estate, is left, out of the
+interest or income of which such maid-servants, who have lived in
+that parish seven years in one service, receive a reward of ten
+pounds apiece, if they please to demand it.
+
+This is a noble benefaction, and shows the public spirit of the
+donor; but everybody's business is nobody's; nor have I heard that
+such reward has been paid to any servant of late years. A thousand
+pities a gift of that nature should sink into oblivion, and not be
+kept up as an example to incite all parishes to do the like.
+
+The Romans had a law called Jus Trium Liberorum, by which every man
+who had been a father of three children, had particular honours and
+privileges. This incited the youth to quit a dissolute single life
+and become fathers of families, to the support and glory of the
+empire.
+
+In imitation of this most excellent law, I would have such
+servants, who should continue many years in one service, meet with
+singular esteem and reward.
+
+The apparel of our women-servants should be next regulated, that we
+may know the mistress from the maid. I remember I was once put
+very much to the blush, being at a friend's house, and by him
+required to salute the ladies, I kissed the chamber-jade into the
+bargain, for she was as well dressed as the best. But I was soon
+undeceived by a general titter, which gave me the utmost confusion;
+nor can I believe myself the only person who has made such a
+mistake.
+
+Things of this nature would be easily avoided, if servant-maids
+were to wear liveries, as our footmen do; or obliged to go in a
+dress suitable to their station. What should ail them, but a
+jacket and petticoat of good yard-wide stuff, or calimanco, might
+keep them decent and warm.
+
+Our charity children are distinguished by their dress, why then may
+not our women-servants? why may they not be made frugal per force,
+and not suffered to put all on their backs, but obliged to save
+something against a rainy day? I am, therefore, entirely against
+servants wearing of silks, laces, and other superfluous finery; it
+sets them above themselves, and makes their mistresses contemptible
+in their eyes. I am handsomer than my mistress, says a young
+prinked up baggage, what pity it is I should be her servant, I go
+as well dressed, or better than she. This makes the girl take the
+first offer to be made a whore, and there is a good servant
+spoiled; whereas, were her dress suitable to her condition, it
+would teach her humility, and put her in mind of her duty.
+
+Besides the fear of spoiling their clothes makes them afraid of
+household-work; so that in a little time we shall have none but
+chambermaids and nurserymaids; and of this let me give one
+instance; my family is composed of myself and sister, a man and a
+maid; and, being without the last, a young wench came to hire
+herself. The man was gone out, and my sister above stairs, so I
+opened the door myself; and this person presented herself to my
+view, dressed completely, more like a visitor than a servant-maid;
+she, not knowing me, asked for my sister; pray, madam, said I, be
+pleased to walk into the parlour, she shall wait on you presently.
+Accordingly I handed madam in, who took it very cordially. After
+some apology, I left her alone for a minute or two; while I, stupid
+wretch! ran up to my sister, and told her there was a gentlewoman
+below come to visit her. Dear brother, said she, don't leave her
+alone, go down and entertain her while I dress myself.
+Accordingly, down I went, and talked of indifferent affairs;
+meanwhile my sister dressed herself all over again, not being
+willing to be seen in an undress. At last she came down dressed as
+clean as her visitor; but how great was my surprise when I found my
+fine lady a common servant-wench.
+
+My sister understanding what she was, began to inquire what wages
+she expected? She modestly asked but eight pounds a year. The
+next question was, what work she could do to deserve such wages? to
+which she answered, she could clean a house, or dress a common
+family dinner. But cannot you wash, replied my sister, or get up
+linen? she answered in the negative, and said, she would undertake
+neither, nor would she go into a family that did not put out their
+linen to wash, and hire a charwoman to scour. She desired to see
+the house, and having carefully surveyed it, said, the work was too
+hard for her, nor could she undertake it. This put my sister
+beyond all patience, and me into the greatest admiration. Young
+woman, said she, you have made a mistake, I want a housemaid, and
+you are a chambermaid. No, madam, replied she, I am not
+needlewoman enough for that. And yet you ask eight pounds a year,
+replied my sister. Yes, madam, said she, nor shall I bate a
+farthing. Then get you gone for a lazy impudent baggage, said I,
+you want to be a boarder not a servant; have you a fortune or
+estate that you dress at that rate? No, sir, said she, but I hope
+I may wear what I work for without offence. What you work,
+interrupted my sister, why you do not seem willing to undertake any
+work; you will not wash nor scour; you cannot dress a dinner for
+company; you are no needlewoman; and our little house of two rooms
+on a floor, is too much for you. For God's sake what can you do?
+Madam, replied she pertly; I know my business; and do not fear a
+service; there are more places than parish churches; if you wash at
+home, you should have a laundrymaid; if you give entertainments,
+you must have a cookmaid; if you have any needlework, you should
+have a chambermaid; and such a house as this is enough for a
+housemaid in all conscience.
+
+I was pleased at the wit, and astonished at the impudence of the
+girl, so dismissed her with thanks for her instructions, assuring
+her that when I kept four maids she should be housemaid if she
+pleased.
+
+Were a servant to do my business with cheerfulness, I should not
+grudge at five or six pounds per annum; nor would I be so
+unchristian to put more upon any one than they can bear; but to
+pray and pay too is the devil. It is very hard, that I must keep
+four servants or none.
+
+In great families, indeed, where many servants are required, those
+distinctions of chambermaid, housemaid, cookmaid, laundrymaid,
+nurserymaid, &c., are requisite, to the end that each may take her
+particular business, and many hands may make the work light; but
+for a private gentleman, of a small fortune, to be obliged to keep
+so many idle jades, when one might do the business, is intolerable,
+and matter of great grievance.
+
+I cannot close this discourse without a gentle admonition and
+reproof to some of my own sex, I mean those gentlemen who give
+themselves unnecessary airs, and cannot go to see a friend, but
+they must kiss and slop the maid; and all this is done with an air
+of gallantry, and must not be resented. Nay, some gentlemen are so
+silly, that they shall carry on an underhand affair with their
+friend's servant-maid, to their own disgrace, and the ruin of many
+a young creature. Nothing is more base and ungenerous, yet nothing
+more common, and withal so little taken notice of. D-n me, Jack,
+says one friend to another, this maid of yours is a pretty girl,
+you do so and so to her, by G-d. This makes the creature pert,
+vain, and impudent, and spoils many a good servant.
+
+What gentleman will descend to this low way of intrigue, when he
+shall consider that he has a footboy or an apprentice for his
+rival, and that he is seldom or never admitted, but when they have
+been his tasters; and the fool of fortune, though he comes at the
+latter end of the feast, yet pays the whole reckoning; and so
+indeed would I have all such silly cullies served.
+
+If I must have an intrigue, let it be with a woman that shall not
+shame me. I would never go into the kitchen, when the parlour door
+was open. We are forbidden at Highgate, to kiss the maid when we
+may kiss the mistress; why then will gentlemen descend so low, by
+too much familiarity with these creatures, to bring themselves into
+contempt?
+
+I have been at places where the maid has been so dizzied with these
+idle compliments that she has mistook one thing for another, and
+not regarded her mistress in the least; but put on all the flirting
+airs imaginable. This behaviour is nowhere so much complained of
+as in taverns, coffeehouses, and places of public resort, where
+there are handsome bar-keepers, &c. These creatures being puffed
+up with the fulsome flattery of a set of flesh-flies, which are
+continually buzzing about them, carry themselves with the utmost
+insolence imaginable; insomuch, that you must speak to them with a
+great deal of deference, or you are sure to be affronted. Being at
+a coffeehouse the other day, where one of these ladies kept the
+bar, I had bespoke a dish of rice tea; but madam was so taken up
+with her sparks, she had quite forgot it. I spake for it again,
+and with some temper, but was answered after a most taunting
+manner, not without a toss of the head, a contraction of the
+nostrils, and other impertinences, too many to enumerate. Seeing
+myself thus publicly insulted by such an animal, I could not choose
+but show my resentment. Woman, said I, sternly, I want a dish of
+rice tea, and not what your vanity and impudence may imagine;
+therefore treat me as a gentleman and a customer, and serve me with
+what I call for: keep your impertinent repartees and impudent
+behaviour for the coxcombs that swarm round your bar, and make you
+so vain of your blown carcase. And indeed I believe the insolence
+of this creature will ruin her master at last, by driving away men
+of sobriety and business, and making the place a den of vagabonds
+and rakehells.
+
+Gentlemen, therefore, ought to be very circumspect in their
+behaviour, and not undervalue themselves to servant-wenches, who
+are but too apt to treat a gentleman ill whenever he puts himself
+into their power.
+
+Let me now beg pardon for this digression, and return to my subject
+by proposing some practicable methods for regulating of servants,
+which, whether they are followed or not, yet, if they afford matter
+of improvement and speculation, will answer the height of my
+expectation, and I will be the first who shall approve of whatever
+improvements are made from this small beginning.
+
+The first abuse I would have reformed is, that servants should be
+restrained from throwing themselves out of place on every idle
+vagary. This might be remedied were all contracts between master
+and servant made before a justice of peace, or other proper
+officer, and a memorandum thereof taken in writing. Nor should
+such servant leave his or her place (for men and maids might come
+under the same regulation) till the time agreed on be expired,
+unless such servant be misused or denied necessaries, or show some
+other reasonable cause for their discharge. In that case, the
+master or mistress should be reprimanded or fined. But if servants
+misbehave themselves, or leave their places, not being regularly
+discharged, they ought to be amerced or punished. But all those
+idle, ridiculous customs, and laws of their own making, as a
+month's wages, or a month's warning, and suchlike, should be
+entirely set aside and abolished.
+
+When a servant has served the limited time duly and faithfully,
+they should be entitled to a certificate, as is practised at
+present in the wool-combing trade; nor should any person hire a
+servant without a certificate or other proper security. A servant
+without a certificate should be deemed a vagrant; and a master or
+mistress ought to assign very good reasons indeed when they object
+against giving a servant his or her certificate.
+
+And though, to avoid prolixity, I have not mentioned footmen
+particularly in the foregoing discourse, yet the complaints alleged
+against the maids are as well masculine as feminine, and very
+applicable to our gentlemen's gentlemen; I would, therefore, have
+them under the very same regulations, and, as they are fellow-
+servants, would not make fish of one and flesh of the other, since
+daily experience teaches us, that "never a barrel the better
+herring."
+
+The next great abuse among us is, that under the notion of cleaning
+our shoes, above ten thousand wicked, idle, pilfering vagrants are
+permitted to patrol about our city and suburbs. These are called
+the black-guard, who black your honour's shoes, and incorporate
+themselves under the title of the Worshipful Company of Japanners.
+
+Were this all, there were no hurt in it, and the whole might
+terminate in a jest; but the mischief ends not here, they corrupt
+our youth, especially our men-servants; oaths and impudence are
+their only flowers of rhetoric; gaming and thieving are the
+principal parts of their profession; japanning but the pretence.
+For example, a gentleman keeps a servant, who among other things is
+to clean his master's shoes; but our gentlemen's gentlemen are
+above it nowadays, and your man's man performs the office, for
+which piece of service you pay double and treble, especially if you
+keep a table, nay, you are well off if the japanner has no more
+than his own diet from it.
+
+I have often observed these rascals sneaking from gentlemen's doors
+with wallets or hats' full of good victuals, which they either
+carry to their trulls, or sell for a trifle. By this means, our
+butcher's, our baker's, our poulterer's, and cheesemonger's bills
+are monstrously exaggerated; not to mention candles just lighted,
+which sell for fivepence a pound, and many other perquisites best
+known to themselves and the pilfering villains their confederates.
+
+Add to this, that their continual gaming sets servants upon their
+wits to supply this extravagance, though at the same time the
+master's pocket pays for it, and the time which should be spent in
+a gentleman's service is loitered away among these rakehells,
+insomuch that half our messages are ineffectual, the time intended
+being often expired before the message is delivered.
+
+How many frequent robberies are committed by these japanners? And
+to how many more are they confederates? Silver spoons, spurs, and
+other small pieces of plate, are every day missing, and very often
+found upon these sort of gentlemen; yet are they permitted, to the
+shame of all our good laws, and the scandal of our most excellent
+government, to lurk about our streets, to debauch our servants and
+apprentices, and support an infinite number of scandalous,
+shameless trulls, yet more wicked than themselves, for not a Jack
+among them but must have his Gill.
+
+By whom such indecencies are daily acted, even in our open streets,
+as are very offensive to the eyes and ears of all sober persons,
+and even abominable in a Christian country.
+
+In any riot, or other disturbance, these sparks are always the
+foremost; for most among them can turn their hands to picking of
+pockets, to run away with goods from a fire, or other public
+confusion, to snatch anything from a woman or child, to strip a
+house when the door is open, or any other branch of a thief's
+profession.
+
+In short, it is a nursery for thieves and villains; modest women
+are every day insulted by them and their strumpets; and such
+children who run about the streets, or those servants who go on
+errands, do but too frequently bring home some scraps of their
+beastly profane wit; insomuch, that the conversation of our lower
+rank of people runs only upon bawdy and blasphemy, notwithstanding
+our societies for reformation, and our laws in force against
+profaneness; for this lazy life gets them many proselytes, their
+numbers daily increasing from runaway apprentices and footboys,
+insomuch that it is a very hard matter for a gentleman to get him a
+servant, or for a tradesman to find an apprentice.
+
+Innumerable other mischiefs accrue, and others will spring up from
+this race of caterpillars, who must be swept from out our streets,
+or we shall be overrun with all manner of wickedness.
+
+But the subject is so low, it becomes disagreeable even to myself;
+give me leave, therefore, to propose a way to clear the streets of
+these vermin, and to substitute as many honest industrious persons
+in their stead, who are now starving for want of bread, while these
+execrable villains live, though in rags and nastiness, yet in
+plenty and luxury.
+
+I, therefore, humbly propose that these vagabonds be put
+immediately under the command of such taskmasters as the government
+shall appoint, and that they be employed, punished, or rewarded,
+according to their capacities and demerits; that is to say, the
+industrious and docible to woolcombing, and other parts of the
+woollen manufacture, where hands are wanted, as also to husbandry
+and other parts of agriculture.
+
+For it is evident that there are scarce hands enow in the country
+to carry on either of these affairs. Now, these vagabonds might
+not only by this means be kept out of harm's way, but be rendered
+serviceable to the nation. Nor is there any need of transporting
+them beyond seas, for if any are refractory they should be sent to
+our stannaries and other mines, to our coal works and other places
+where hard labour is required. And here I must offer one thing
+never yet thought of, or proposed by any, and that is, the keeping
+in due repair the navigation of the river Thames, so useful to our
+trade in general; and yet of late years such vast hills of sand are
+gathered together in several parts of the river, as are very
+prejudicial to its navigation, one which is near London Bridge,
+another near Whitehall, a third near Battersea, and a fourth near
+Fulham. These are of very great hindrance to the navigation; and
+indeed the removal of them ought to be a national concern, which I
+humbly propose may be thus effected.
+
+The rebellious part of these vagabonds, as also other thieves and
+offenders, should be formed into bodies under the command of proper
+officers, and under the guard and awe of our soldiery. These
+should every day at low water carry away these sandhills, and
+remove every other obstruction to the navigation of this most
+excellent and useful river.
+
+It may be objected that the ballast men might do this; that as fast
+as the hills are taken away they would gather together again, or
+that the watermen might do it. To the first, I answer, that
+ballast men, instead of taking away from these hills, make holes in
+other places of the river, which is the reason so many young
+persons are drowned when swimming or bathing in the river.
+
+Besides, it is a work for many hands, and of long continuance; so
+that ballast men do more harm than good. The second objection is
+as silly; as if I should never wash myself, because I shall be
+dirty again, and I think needs no other answer. And as to the
+third objection, the watermen are not so public-spirited, they live
+only from hand to mouth, though not one of them but finds the
+inconvenience of these hills, every day being obliged to go a great
+way round about for fear of running aground; insomuch that in a few
+years the navigation of that part of the river will be entirely
+obstructed. Nevertheless, every one of these gentlemen-watermen
+hopes it will last his time, and so they all cry, The devil take
+the hindmost. But yet I judge it highly necessary that this be
+made a national concern, like Dagenham breach, and that these hills
+be removed by some means or other.
+
+And now I have mentioned watermen, give me leave to complain of the
+insolences and exactions they daily commit on the river Thames, and
+in particular this one instance, which cries aloud for justice.
+
+A young lady of distinction, in company with her brother, a little
+youth, took a pair of oars at or near the Temple, on April day
+last, and ordered the men to carry them to Pepper Alley Stairs.
+One of the fellows, according to their usual impertinence, asked
+the lady where she was going? She answered, near St. Olave's
+church. Upon which he said, she had better go through the bridge.
+The lady replied she had never gone through the bridge in her life,
+nor would she venture for a hundred guineas; so commanded him once
+more to land her at Pepper Alley Stairs. Notwithstanding which, in
+spite of her fears, threats, and commands; nay, in spite of the
+persuasion of his fellow, he forced her through London Bridge,
+which frightened her beyond expression. And to mend the matter, he
+obliged her to pay double fare, and mobbed her into the bargain.
+
+To resent which abuse, application was made to the hall, the fellow
+summoned, and the lady ordered to attend, which she did, waiting
+there all the morning, and was appointed to call again in the
+afternoon. She came accordingly, they told her the fellow had been
+there, but was gone, and that she must attend another Friday. She
+attended again and again, but to the same purpose. Nor have they
+yet produced the man, but tired out the lady, who has spent above
+ten shillings in coach-hire, been abused and baffled into the
+bargain.
+
+It is pity, therefore, there are not commissioners for watermen, as
+there are for hackney coachmen; or that justices of the peace might
+not inflict bodily penalties on watermen thus offending. But while
+watermen are watermen's judges, I shall laugh at those who carry
+their complaints to the hall.
+
+The usual plea in behalf of abusive watermen is, that they are
+drunk, ignorant, or poor; but will that satisfy the party
+aggrieved, or deter the offender from reoffending? Whereas were
+the offenders sent to the house of correction, and there punished,
+or sentenced to work at the sandhills aforementioned, for a time
+suitable to the nature of their crimes, terror of such punishments
+would make them fearful of offending, to the great quiet of the
+subject.
+
+Now, it maybe asked, How shall we have our shoes cleaned, or how
+are these industrious poor to be maintained? To this I answer that
+the places of these vagabonds may be very well supplied by great
+numbers of ancient persons, poor widows, and others, who have not
+enough from their respective parishes to maintain them. These poor
+people I would have authorised and stationed by the justices of the
+peace or other magistrates. Each of these should have a particular
+walk or stand, and no other shoe-cleaner should come into that
+walk, unless the person misbehave and be removed. Nor should any
+person clean shoes in the streets, but these authorised shoe-
+cleaners, who should have some mark of distinction, and be under
+the immediate government of the justices of the peace.
+
+Thus would many thousands of poor people be provided for, without
+burthening their parishes. Some of these may earn a shilling or
+two in the day, and none less than sixpence, or thereabouts. And
+lest the old japanners should appear again, in the shape of
+linkboys, and knock down gentlemen in drink, or lead others out of
+the way into dark remote places, where they either put out their
+lights, and rob them themselves, or run away and leave them to be
+pillaged by others, as is daily practised, I would have no person
+carry a link for hire but some of these industrious poor, and even
+such, not without some ticket or badge, to let people know whom
+they trust. Thus would the streets be cleared night and day of
+these vermin; nor would oaths, skirmishes, blasphemy, obscene talk,
+or other wicked examples, be so public and frequent. All gaming at
+orange and gingerbread barrows should be abolished, as also all
+penny and halfpenny lotteries, thimbles and balls, &c., so frequent
+in Moorfields, Lincoln's-inn-fields, &c., where idle fellows
+resort, to play with children and apprentices, and tempt them to
+steal their parents' or master's money.
+
+There is one admirable custom in the city of London, which I could
+wish were imitated in the city and liberties of Westminster, and
+bills of mortality, which is, no porter can carry a burthen or
+letter in the city, unless he be a ticket porter; whereas, out of
+the freedom part of London, any person may take a knot and turn
+porter, till he be entrusted with something of value, and then you
+never hear of him more.
+
+This is very common, and ought to be amended. I would, therefore,
+have all porters under some such regulation as coachmen, chairmen,
+carmen, &c.; a man may then know whom he entrusts, and not run the
+risk of losing his goods, &c. Nay, I would not have a person carry
+a basket in the markets, who is not subject to some such
+regulation; for very many persons oftentimes lose their dinners in
+sending their meat home by persons they know nothing of.
+
+Thus would all our poor be stationed, and a man or woman able to
+perform any of these offices, must either comply or be termed an
+idle vagrant, and sent to a place where they shall be forced to
+work. By this means industry will be encouraged, idleness
+punished, and we shall be famed, as well as happy for our
+tranquillity and decorum.
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg eText Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business
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