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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business, by
+Daniel Defoe
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: Everybody's Business is Nobody's Business
+
+
+Author: Daniel Defoe
+
+Release Date: April 20, 2005  [eBook #2052]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS IS NOBODY'S
+BUSINESS***
+
+
+
+
+
+
+Transcribed from the 1889 George Bell & Sons edition by David Price,
+email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk
+
+
+
+
+
+EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS
+
+
+or,
+
+PRIVATE ABUSES, PUBLIC GRIEVANCES:
+
+EXEMPLIFIED
+
+In the Pride, Insolence, and exorbitant Wages of our Women, Servants,
+Footmen, &c.
+
+WITH
+
+A Proposal for Amendment of the same; as also for clearing the Streets of
+those Vermin called Shoe-Cleaners, and substituting in their stead many
+Thousands of industrious Poor, now ready to starve.  With divers other
+Hints of great Use to the Public.
+
+Humbly submitted the Consideration of our Legislature, and the careful
+Perusal of all Masters and Mistresses of Families.
+
+BY ANDREW MORETON, Esq.
+
+The Fifth Edition, with the Addition of a Preface.
+
+LONDON:
+
+Printed for W. MEADOWS, in Cornhill; and sold by T. WARNER, at the Black
+Boy in Pater-Noster Row; A. DODD, without Temple Bar; and E. NUTT, at the
+Royal Exchange.  1725.
+
+Price Six Pence.]
+
+
+
+
+THE PREFACE
+
+
+Since this little book appeared in print, it has had no less than three
+answers, and fresh attacks are daily expected from the powers of Grub-
+street; but should threescore antagonists more arise, unless they say
+more to the purpose than the forementioned, they shall not tempt me to
+reply.
+
+Nor shall I engage in a paper war, but leave my book to answer for
+itself, having advanced nothing therein but evident truths, and
+incontestible matters of fact.
+
+The general objection is against my style; I do not set up for an author,
+but write only to be understood, no matter how plain.
+
+As my intentions are good, so have they had the good fortune to meet with
+approbation from the sober and substantial part of mankind; as for the
+vicious and vagabond, their ill-will is my ambition.
+
+It is with uncommon satisfaction I see the magistracy begin to put the
+laws against vagabonds in force with the utmost vigour, a great many of
+those vermin, the japanners, having lately been taken up and sent to the
+several work-houses in and about this city; and indeed high time, for
+they grow every day more and more pernicious.
+
+My project for putting watchmen under commissioners, will, I hope, be put
+in practice; for it is scarce safe to go by water unless you know your
+man.
+
+As for the maid-servants, if I undervalue myself to take notice of them,
+as they are pleased to say, it is because they overvalue themselves so
+much they ought to be taken notice of.
+
+This makes the guilty take my subject by the wrong end, but any impartial
+reader may find, I write not against servants, but bad servants; not
+against wages, but exorbitant wages, and am entirely of the poet's
+opinion,
+
+   The good should meet with favour and applause,
+   The wicked be restrain'd by wholesome laws.
+
+The reason why I did not publish this book till the end of the last
+sessions of parliament was, because I did not care to interfere with more
+momentous affairs; but leave it to the consideration of that august body
+during this recess, against the next sessions, when I shall exhibit
+another complaint against a growing abuse, for which I doubt not but to
+receive their approbation and the thanks of all honest men.
+
+
+
+
+EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS
+
+
+This is a proverb so common in everybody's mouth, that I wonder nobody
+has yet thought it worth while to draw proper inferences from it, and
+expose those little abuses, which, though they seem trifling, and as it
+were scarce worth consideration, yet, by insensible degrees, they may
+become of injurious consequence to the public; like some diseases, whose
+first symptoms are only trifling disorders, but by continuance and
+progression, their last periods terminate in the destruction of the whole
+human fabric.
+
+In contradiction therefore to this general rule, and out of sincere love
+and well meaning to the public, give me leave to enumerate the abuses
+insensibly crept in among us, and the inconveniences daily arising from
+the insolence and intrigues of our servant-wenches, who, by their
+caballing together, have made their party so considerable, that everybody
+cries out against them; and yet, to verify the proverb, nobody has
+thought of, or at least proposed a remedy, although such an undertaking,
+mean as it seems to be, I hope will one day be thought worthy the
+consideration of our king, lords, and commons.
+
+Women servants are now so scarce, that from thirty and forty shillings a
+year, their wages are increased of late to six, seven, nay, eight pounds
+per annum, and upwards; insomuch that an ordinary tradesman cannot well
+keep one; but his wife, who might be useful in his shop or business, must
+do the drudgery of household affairs; and all this because our servant-
+wenches are so puffed up with pride nowadays, that they never think they
+go fine enough: it is a hard matter to know the mistress from the maid by
+their dress; nay, very often the maid shall be much the finer of the two.
+Our woollen manufacture suffers much by this, for nothing but silks and
+satins will go down with our kitchen-wenches; to support which
+intolerable pride, they have insensibly raised their wages to such a
+height as was never known in any age or nation but this.
+
+Let us trace this from the beginning, and suppose a person has a servant-
+maid sent him out of the country, at fifty shillings, or three pounds a
+year.  The girl has scarce been a week, nay, a day in her service, but a
+committee of servant-wenches are appointed to examine her, who advise her
+to raise her wages, or give warning; to encourage her to which, the herb-
+woman, or chandler-woman, or some other old intelligencer, provides her a
+place of four or five pounds a year; this sets madam cock-a-hoop, and she
+thinks of nothing now but vails and high wages, and so gives warning from
+place to place, till she has got her wages up to the tip-top.
+
+Her neat's leathern shoes are now transformed into laced ones with high
+heels; her yarn stockings are turned into fine woollen ones, with silk
+clocks; and her high wooden pattens are kicked away for leathern clogs;
+she must have a hoop too, as well as her mistress; and her poor scanty
+linsey-woolsey petticoat is changed into a good silk one, for four or
+five yards wide at the least.  Not to carry the description farther, in
+short, plain country Joan is now turned into a fine London madam, can
+drink tea, take snuff, and carry herself as high as the best.
+
+If she be tolerably handsome, and has any share of cunning, the
+apprentice or her master's son is enticed away and ruined by her.  Thus
+many good families are impoverished and disgraced by these pert sluts,
+who, taking the advantage of a young man's simplicity and unruly desires,
+draw many heedless youths, nay, some of good estates, into their snares;
+and of this we have but too many instances.
+
+Some more artful shall conceal their condition, and palm themselves off
+on young fellows for gentlewomen and great fortunes.  How many families
+have been ruined by these ladies? when the father or master of the
+family, preferring the flirting airs of a young prinked up strumpet, to
+the artless sincerity of a plain, grave, and good wife, has given his
+desires aloose, and destroyed soul, body, family, and estate.  But they
+are very favourable if they wheedle nobody into matrimony, but only make
+a present of a small live creature, no bigger than a bastard, to some of
+the family, no matter who gets it; when a child is born it must be kept.
+
+Our sessions' papers of late are crowded with instances of servant-maids
+robbing their places, this can be only attributed to their devilish
+pride; for their whole inquiry nowadays is, how little they shall do, how
+much they shall have.
+
+But all this while they make so little reserve, that if they fall sick
+the parish must keep them, if they are out of place, they must prostitute
+their bodies, or starve; so that from clopping and changing, they
+generally proceed to whoring and thieving, and this is the reason why our
+streets swarm with strumpets.
+
+Thus many of them rove from place to place, from bawdy-house to service,
+and from service to bawdy-house again, ever unsettled and never easy,
+nothing being more common than to find these creatures one week in a good
+family, and the next in a brothel.  This amphibious life makes them fit
+for neither, for if the bawd uses them ill, away they trip to service,
+and if the mistress gives them a wry word, whip they are at a bawdy-house
+again, so that in effect they neither make good whores nor good servants.
+
+Those who are not thus slippery in the tail, are light of finger; and of
+these the most pernicious are those who beggar you inchmeal.  If a maid
+is a downright thief she strips you, it once, and you know your loss; but
+these retail pilferers waste you insensibly, and though you hardly miss
+it, yet your substance shall decay to such a degree, that you must have a
+very good bottom indeed not to feel the ill effects of such moths in your
+family.
+
+Tea, sugar, wine, &c., or any such trifling commodities, are reckoned no
+thefts, if they do not directly take your pewter from your shelf, or your
+linen from your drawers, they are very honest: What harm is there, say
+they, in cribbing a little matter for a junket, a merry bout or so?  Nay,
+there are those that when they are sent to market for one joint of meat,
+shall take up two on their master's account, and leave one by the way,
+for some of these maids are mighty charitable, and can make a shift to
+maintain a small family with what they can purloin from their masters and
+mistresses.
+
+If you send them with ready money, they turn factors, and take threepence
+or fourpence in the shilling brokerage.  And here let me take notice of
+one very heinous abuse, not to say petty felony, which is practised in
+most of the great families about town, which is, when the tradesman gives
+the house-keeper or other commanding servant a penny or twopence in the
+shilling, or so much in the pound, for everything they send in, and
+which, from thence, is called poundage.
+
+This, in my opinion, is the greatest of villanies, and ought to incur
+some punishment, yet nothing is more common, and our topping tradesmen,
+who seem otherwise to stand mightily on their credit, make this but a
+matter of course and custom.  If I do not, says one, another will (for
+the servant is sure to pick a hole in the person's coat who shall not pay
+contribution).  Thus this wicked practice is carried on and winked at,
+while receiving of stolen goods, and confederating with felons, which is
+not a jot worse, is so openly cried out against, and severely punished,
+witness Jonathan Wild.
+
+And yet if a master or mistress inquire after anything missing, they must
+be sure to place their words in due form, or madam huffs and flings about
+at a strange rate, What, would you make a thief of her?  Who would live
+with such mistrustful folks?  Thus you are obliged to hold your tongue,
+and sit down quietly by your loss, for fear of offending your maid,
+forsooth!
+
+Again, if your maid shall maintain one, two, or more persons from your
+table, whether they are her poor relations, countryfolk, servants out of
+place, shoe-cleaners, charwomen, porters, or any other of her menial
+servants, who do her ladyship's drudgery and go of her errands, you must
+not complain at your expense, or ask what has become of such a thing, or
+such a thing; although it might never so reasonably be supposed that it
+was altogether impossible to have so much expended in your family; but
+hold your tongue for peace sake, or madam will say, You grudge her
+victuals; and expose you to the last degree all over the neighbourhood.
+
+Thus have they a salve for every sore, cheat you to your face, and insult
+you into the bargain; nor can you help yourself without exposing
+yourself, or putting yourself into a passion.
+
+Another great abuse crept in among us, is the giving of veils to
+servants; this was intended originally as an encouragement to such as
+were willing and handy, but by custom and corruption it is now grown to
+be a thorn in our sides, and, like other good things, abused, does more
+harm than good; for now they make it a perquisite, a material part of
+their wages, nor must their master give a supper, but the maid expects
+the guests should pay for it, nay, sometimes through the nose.  Thus have
+they spirited people up to this unnecessary and burthensome piece of
+generosity unknown to our forefathers, who only gave gifts to servants at
+Christmas-tide, which custom is yet kept into the bargain; insomuch that
+a maid shall have eight pounds per annum in a gentleman's or merchant's
+family.  And if her master is a man of free spirit, who receives much
+company, she very often doubles her wages by her veils; thus having meat,
+drink, washing, and lodging for her labour, she throws her whole income
+upon her back, and by this means looks more like the mistress of the
+family than the servant-wench.
+
+And now we have mentioned washing, I would ask some good housewifely
+gentlewoman, if servant-maids wearing printed linens, cottons, and other
+things of that nature, which require frequent washing, do not, by
+enhancing the article of soap, add more to housekeeping than the
+generality of people would imagine?  And yet these wretches cry out
+against great washes, when their own unnecessary dabs are very often the
+occasion.
+
+But the greatest abuse of all is, that these creatures are become their
+own lawgivers; nay, I think they are ours too, though nobody would
+imagine that such a set of slatterns should bamboozle a whole nation; but
+it is neither better nor worse, they hire themselves to you by their own
+rule.
+
+That is, a month's wages, or a month's warning; if they don't like you
+they will go away the next day, help yourself how you can; if you don't
+like them, you must give them a month's wages to get rid of them.
+
+This custom of warning, as practised by our maid-servants, is now become
+a great inconvenience to masters and mistresses.  You must carry your
+dish very upright, or miss, forsooth, gives you warning, and you are
+either left destitute, or to seek for a servant; so that, generally
+speaking, you are seldom or never fixed, but always at the mercy of every
+new comer to divulge your family affairs, to inspect your private life,
+and treasure up the sayings of yourself and friends.  A very great
+confinement, and much complained of in most families.
+
+Thus have these wenches, by their continual plotting and cabals, united
+themselves into a formidable body, and got the whip hand of their
+betters; they make their own terms with us; and two servants now, will
+scarce undertake the work which one might perform with ease;
+notwithstanding which, they have raised their wages to a most exorbitant
+pitch; and, I doubt not, if there be not a stop put to their career, but
+they will bring wages up to 201. per annum in time, for they are much
+about half way already.
+
+It is by these means they run away with a great part of our money, which
+might be better employed in trade, and what is worse, by their insolent
+behaviour, their pride in dress, and their exorbitant wages, they give
+birth to the following inconveniences.
+
+First, They set an ill example to our children, our apprentices, our
+covenant servants, and other dependants, by their saucy and insolent
+behaviour, their pert, and sometimes abusive answers, their daring
+defiance of correction, and many other insolences which youth are but too
+apt to imitate.
+
+Secondly, By their extravagance in dress, they put our wives and
+daughters upon yet greater excesses, because they will, as indeed they
+ought, go finer than the maid; thus the maid striving to outdo the
+mistress, the tradesman's wife to outdo the gentleman's wife, the
+gentleman's wife emulating the lady, and the ladies one another; it seems
+as if the whole business of the female sex were nothing but an excess of
+pride, and extravagance in dress.
+
+Thirdly, The great height to which women-servants have brought their
+wages, makes a mutiny among the men-servants, and puts them upon raising
+their wages too; so that in a little time our servants will become our
+partners; nay, probably, run away with the better part of our profits,
+and make servants of us _vice versa_.  But yet with all these
+inconveniences, we cannot possibly do without these creatures; let us
+therefore cease to talk of the abuses arising from them, and begin to
+think of redressing them.  I do not set up for a lawgiver, and therefore
+shall lay down no certain rules, humbly submitting in all things to the
+wisdom of our legislature.  What I offer shall be under correction; and
+upon conjecture, my utmost ambition being but to give some hints to
+remedy this growing evil, and leave the prosecution to abler hands.
+
+And first it would be necessary to settle and limit their wages, from
+forty and fifty shillings to four and five pounds per annum, that is to
+say, according to their merits and capacities; for example, a young
+unexperienced servant should have forty shillings per annum, till she
+qualifies herself for a larger sum; a servant who can do all household
+work, or, as the good women term it, can take her work and leave her
+work, should have four pounds per annum; and those who have lived seven
+years in one service, should ever after demand five pounds per annum, for
+I would very fain have some particular encouragements and privileges
+given to such servants who should continue long in a place; it would
+incite a desire to please, and cause an emulation very beneficial to the
+public.
+
+I have heard of an ancient charity in the parish of St. Clement's Danes,
+where a sum of money, or estate, is left, out of the interest or income
+of which such maid-servants, who have lived in that parish seven years in
+one service, receive a reward of ten pounds apiece, if they please to
+demand it.
+
+This is a noble benefaction, and shows the public spirit of the donor;
+but everybody's business is nobody's; nor have I heard that such reward
+has been paid to any servant of late years.  A thousand pities a gift of
+that nature should sink into oblivion, and not be kept up as an example
+to incite all parishes to do the like.
+
+The Romans had a law called _Jus Trium Liberorum_, by which every man who
+had been a father of three children, had particular honours and
+privileges.  This incited the youth to quit a dissolute single life and
+become fathers of families, to the support and glory of the empire.
+
+In imitation of this most excellent law, I would have such servants, who
+should continue many years in one service, meet with singular esteem and
+reward.
+
+The apparel of our women-servants should be next regulated, that we may
+know the mistress from the maid.  I remember I was once put very much to
+the blush, being at a friend's house, and by him required to salute the
+ladies, I kissed the chamber-jade into the bargain, for she was as well
+dressed as the best.  But I was soon undeceived by a general titter,
+which gave me the utmost confusion; nor can I believe myself the only
+person who has made such a mistake.
+
+Things of this nature would be easily avoided, if servant-maids were to
+wear liveries, as our footmen do; or obliged to go in a dress suitable to
+their station.  What should ail them, but a jacket and petticoat of good
+yard-wide stuff, or calimanco, might keep them decent and warm.
+
+Our charity children are distinguished by their dress, why then may not
+our women-servants? why may they not be made frugal per force, and not
+suffered to put all on their backs, but obliged to save something against
+a rainy day?  I am, therefore, entirely against servants wearing of
+silks, laces, and other superfluous finery; it sets them above
+themselves, and makes their mistresses contemptible in their eyes.  I am
+handsomer than my mistress, says a young prinked up baggage, what pity it
+is I should be her servant, I go as well dressed, or better than she.
+This makes the girl take the first offer to be made a whore, and there is
+a good servant spoiled; whereas, were her dress suitable to her
+condition, it would teach her humility, and put her in mind of her duty.
+
+Besides the fear of spoiling their clothes makes them afraid of household-
+work; so that in a little time we shall have none but chambermaids and
+nurserymaids; and of this let me give one instance; my family is composed
+of myself and sister, a man and a maid; and, being without the last, a
+young wench came to hire herself.  The man was gone out, and my sister
+above stairs, so I opened the door myself; and this person presented
+herself to my view, dressed completely, more like a visitor than a
+servant-maid; she, not knowing me, asked for my sister; pray, madam, said
+I, be pleased to walk into the parlour, she shall wait on you presently.
+Accordingly I handed madam in, who took it very cordially.  After some
+apology, I left her alone for a minute or two; while I, stupid wretch!
+ran up to my sister, and told her there was a gentlewoman below come to
+visit her.  Dear brother, said she, don't leave her alone, go down and
+entertain her while I dress myself.  Accordingly, down I went, and talked
+of indifferent affairs; meanwhile my sister dressed herself all over
+again, not being willing to be seen in an undress.  At last she came down
+dressed as clean as her visitor; but how great was my surprise when I
+found my fine lady a common servant-wench.
+
+My sister understanding what she was, began to inquire what wages she
+expected?  She modestly asked but eight pounds a year.  The next question
+was, what work she could do to deserve such wages? to which she answered,
+she could clean a house, or dress a common family dinner.  But cannot you
+wash, replied my sister, or get up linen? she answered in the negative,
+and said, she would undertake neither, nor would she go into a family
+that did not put out their linen to wash, and hire a charwoman to scour.
+She desired to see the house, and having carefully surveyed it, said, the
+work was too hard for her, nor could she undertake it.  This put my
+sister beyond all patience, and me into the greatest admiration.  Young
+woman, said she, you have made a mistake, I want a housemaid, and you are
+a chambermaid.  No, madam, replied she, I am not needlewoman enough for
+that.  And yet you ask eight pounds a year, replied my sister.  Yes,
+madam, said she, nor shall I bate a farthing.  Then get you gone for a
+lazy impudent baggage, said I, you want to be a boarder not a servant;
+have you a fortune or estate that you dress at that rate?  No, sir, said
+she, but I hope I may wear what I work for without offence.  What you
+work, interrupted my sister, why you do not seem willing to undertake any
+work; you will not wash nor scour; you cannot dress a dinner for company;
+you are no needlewoman; and our little house of two rooms on a floor, is
+too much for you.  For God's sake what can you do?  Madam, replied she
+pertly; I know my business; and do not fear a service; there are more
+places than parish churches; if you wash at home, you should have a
+laundrymaid; if you give entertainments, you must have a cookmaid; if you
+have any needlework, you should have a chambermaid; and such a house as
+this is enough for a housemaid in all conscience.
+
+I was pleased at the wit, and astonished at the impudence of the girl, so
+dismissed her with thanks for her instructions, assuring her that when I
+kept four maids she should be housemaid if she pleased.
+
+Were a servant to do my business with cheerfulness, I should not grudge
+at five or six pounds per annum; nor would I be so unchristian to put
+more upon any one than they can bear; but to pray and pay too is the
+devil.  It is very hard, that I must keep four servants or none.
+
+In great families, indeed, where many servants are required, those
+distinctions of chambermaid, housemaid, cookmaid, laundrymaid,
+nurserymaid, &c., are requisite, to the end that each may take her
+particular business, and many hands may make the work light; but for a
+private gentleman, of a small fortune, to be obliged to keep so many idle
+jades, when one might do the business, is intolerable, and matter of
+great grievance.
+
+I cannot close this discourse without a gentle admonition and reproof to
+some of my own sex, I mean those gentlemen who give themselves
+unnecessary airs, and cannot go to see a friend, but they must kiss and
+slop the maid; and all this is done with an air of gallantry, and must
+not be resented.  Nay, some gentlemen are so silly, that they shall carry
+on an underhand affair with their friend's servant-maid, to their own
+disgrace, and the ruin of many a young creature.  Nothing is more base
+and ungenerous, yet nothing more common, and withal so little taken
+notice of.  D-n me, Jack, says one friend to another, this maid of yours
+is a pretty girl, you do so and so to her, by G-d.  This makes the
+creature pert, vain, and impudent, and spoils many a good servant.
+
+What gentleman will descend to this low way of intrigue, when he shall
+consider that he has a footboy or an apprentice for his rival, and that
+he is seldom or never admitted, but when they have been his tasters; and
+the fool of fortune, though he comes at the latter end of the feast, yet
+pays the whole reckoning; and so indeed would I have all such silly
+cullies served.
+
+If I must have an intrigue, let it be with a woman that shall not shame
+me.  I would never go into the kitchen, when the parlour door was open.
+We are forbidden at Highgate, to kiss the maid when we may kiss the
+mistress; why then will gentlemen descend so low, by too much familiarity
+with these creatures, to bring themselves into contempt?
+
+I have been at places where the maid has been so dizzied with these idle
+compliments that she has mistook one thing for another, and not regarded
+her mistress in the least; but put on all the flirting airs imaginable.
+This behaviour is nowhere so much complained of as in taverns,
+coffeehouses, and places of public resort, where there are handsome bar-
+keepers, &c.  These creatures being puffed up with the fulsome flattery
+of a set of flesh-flies, which are continually buzzing about them, carry
+themselves with the utmost insolence imaginable; insomuch, that you must
+speak to them with a great deal of deference, or you are sure to be
+affronted.  Being at a coffeehouse the other day, where one of these
+ladies kept the bar, I had bespoke a dish of rice tea; but madam was so
+taken up with her sparks, she had quite forgot it.  I spake for it again,
+and with some temper, but was answered after a most taunting manner, not
+without a toss of the head, a contraction of the nostrils, and other
+impertinences, too many to enumerate.  Seeing myself thus publicly
+insulted by such an animal, I could not choose but show my resentment.
+Woman, said I, sternly, I want a dish of rice tea, and not what your
+vanity and impudence may imagine; therefore treat me as a gentleman and a
+customer, and serve me with what I call for: keep your impertinent
+repartees and impudent behaviour for the coxcombs that swarm round your
+bar, and make you so vain of your blown carcase.  And indeed I believe
+the insolence of this creature will ruin her master at last, by driving
+away men of sobriety and business, and making the place a den of
+vagabonds and rakehells.
+
+Gentlemen, therefore, ought to be very circumspect in their behaviour,
+and not undervalue themselves to servant-wenches, who are but too apt to
+treat a gentleman ill whenever he puts himself into their power.
+
+Let me now beg pardon for this digression, and return to my subject by
+proposing some practicable methods for regulating of servants, which,
+whether they are followed or not, yet, if they afford matter of
+improvement and speculation, will answer the height of my expectation,
+and I will be the first who shall approve of whatever improvements are
+made from this small beginning.
+
+The first abuse I would have reformed is, that servants should be
+restrained from throwing themselves out of place on every idle vagary.
+This might be remedied were all contracts between master and servant made
+before a justice of peace, or other proper officer, and a memorandum
+thereof taken in writing.  Nor should such servant leave his or her place
+(for men and maids might come under the same regulation) till the time
+agreed on be expired, unless such servant be misused or denied
+necessaries, or show some other reasonable cause for their discharge.  In
+that case, the master or mistress should be reprimanded or fined.  But if
+servants misbehave themselves, or leave their places, not being regularly
+discharged, they ought to be amerced or punished.  But all those idle,
+ridiculous customs, and laws of their own making, as a month's wages, or
+a month's warning, and suchlike, should be entirely set aside and
+abolished.
+
+When a servant has served the limited time duly and faithfully, they
+should be entitled to a certificate, as is practised at present in the
+wool-combing trade; nor should any person hire a servant without a
+certificate or other proper security.  A servant without a certificate
+should be deemed a vagrant; and a master or mistress ought to assign very
+good reasons indeed when they object against giving a servant his or her
+certificate.
+
+And though, to avoid prolixity, I have not mentioned footmen particularly
+in the foregoing discourse, yet the complaints alleged against the maids
+are as well masculine as feminine, and very applicable to our gentlemen's
+gentlemen; I would, therefore, have them under the very same regulations,
+and, as they are fellow-servants, would not make fish of one and flesh of
+the other, since daily experience teaches us, that "never a barrel the
+better herring."
+
+The next great abuse among us is, that under the notion of cleaning our
+shoes, above ten thousand wicked, idle, pilfering vagrants are permitted
+to patrol about our city and suburbs.  These are called the black-guard,
+who black your honour's shoes, and incorporate themselves under the title
+of the Worshipful Company of Japanners.
+
+Were this all, there were no hurt in it, and the whole might terminate in
+a jest; but the mischief ends not here, they corrupt our youth,
+especially our men-servants; oaths and impudence are their only flowers
+of rhetoric; gaming and thieving are the principal parts of their
+profession; japanning but the pretence.  For example, a gentleman keeps a
+servant, who among other things is to clean his master's shoes; but our
+gentlemen's gentlemen are above it nowadays, and your man's man performs
+the office, for which piece of service you pay double and treble,
+especially if you keep a table, nay, you are well off if the japanner has
+no more than his own diet from it.
+
+I have often observed these rascals sneaking from gentlemen's doors with
+wallets or hats' full of good victuals, which they either carry to their
+trulls, or sell for a trifle.  By this means, our butcher's, our baker's,
+our poulterer's, and cheesemonger's bills are monstrously exaggerated;
+not to mention candles just lighted, which sell for fivepence a pound,
+and many other perquisites best known to themselves and the pilfering
+villains their confederates.
+
+Add to this, that their continual gaming sets servants upon their wits to
+supply this extravagance, though at the same time the master's pocket
+pays for it, and the time which should be spent in a gentleman's service
+is loitered away among these rakehells, insomuch that half our messages
+are ineffectual, the time intended being often expired before the message
+is delivered.
+
+How many frequent robberies are committed by these japanners?  And to how
+many more are they confederates?  Silver spoons, spurs, and other small
+pieces of plate, are every day missing, and very often found upon these
+sort of gentlemen; yet are they permitted, to the shame of all our good
+laws, and the scandal of our most excellent government, to lurk about our
+streets, to debauch our servants and apprentices, and support an infinite
+number of scandalous, shameless trulls, yet more wicked than themselves,
+for not a Jack among them but must have his Gill.
+
+By whom such indecencies are daily acted, even in our open streets, as
+are very offensive to the eyes and ears of all sober persons, and even
+abominable in a Christian country.
+
+In any riot, or other disturbance, these sparks are always the foremost;
+for most among them can turn their hands to picking of pockets, to run
+away with goods from a fire, or other public confusion, to snatch
+anything from a woman or child, to strip a house when the door is open,
+or any other branch of a thief's profession.
+
+In short, it is a nursery for thieves and villains; modest women are
+every day insulted by them and their strumpets; and such children who run
+about the streets, or those servants who go on errands, do but too
+frequently bring home some scraps of their beastly profane wit; insomuch,
+that the conversation of our lower rank of people runs only upon bawdy
+and blasphemy, notwithstanding our societies for reformation, and our
+laws in force against profaneness; for this lazy life gets them many
+proselytes, their numbers daily increasing from runaway apprentices and
+footboys, insomuch that it is a very hard matter for a gentleman to get
+him a servant, or for a tradesman to find an apprentice.
+
+Innumerable other mischiefs accrue, and others will spring up from this
+race of caterpillars, who must be swept from out our streets, or we shall
+be overrun with all manner of wickedness.
+
+But the subject is so low, it becomes disagreeable even to myself; give
+me leave, therefore, to propose a way to clear the streets of these
+vermin, and to substitute as many honest industrious persons in their
+stead, who are now starving for want of bread, while these execrable
+villains live, though in rags and nastiness, yet in plenty and luxury.
+
+I, therefore, humbly propose that these vagabonds be put immediately
+under the command of such taskmasters as the government shall appoint,
+and that they be employed, punished, or rewarded, according to their
+capacities and demerits; that is to say, the industrious and docible to
+wool-combing, and other parts of the woollen manufacture, where hands are
+wanted, as also to husbandry and other parts of agriculture.
+
+For it is evident that there are scarce hands enow in the country to
+carry on either of these affairs.  Now, these vagabonds might not only by
+this means be kept out of harm's way, but be rendered serviceable to the
+nation.  Nor is there any need of transporting them beyond seas, for if
+any are refractory they should be sent to our stannaries and other mines,
+to our coal works and other places where hard labour is required.  And
+here I must offer one thing never yet thought of, or proposed by any, and
+that is, the keeping in due repair the navigation of the river Thames, so
+useful to our trade in general; and yet of late years such vast hills of
+sand are gathered together in several parts of the river, as are very
+prejudicial to its navigation, one which is near London Bridge, another
+near Whitehall, a third near Battersea, and a fourth near Fulham.  These
+are of very great hindrance to the navigation; and indeed the removal of
+them ought to be a national concern, which I humbly propose may be thus
+effected.
+
+The rebellious part of these vagabonds, as also other thieves and
+offenders, should be formed into bodies under the command of proper
+officers, and under the guard and awe of our soldiery.  These should
+every day at low water carry away these sandhills, and remove every other
+obstruction to the navigation of this most excellent and useful river.
+
+It may be objected that the ballast men might do this; that as fast as
+the hills are taken away they would gather together again, or that the
+watermen might do it.  To the first, I answer, that ballast men, instead
+of taking away from these hills, make holes in other places of the river,
+which is the reason so many young persons are drowned when swimming or
+bathing in the river.
+
+Besides, it is a work for many hands, and of long continuance; so that
+ballast men do more harm than good.  The second objection is as silly; as
+if I should never wash myself, because I shall be dirty again, and I
+think needs no other answer.  And as to the third objection, the watermen
+are not so public-spirited, they live only from hand to mouth, though not
+one of them but finds the inconvenience of these hills, every day being
+obliged to go a great way round about for fear of running aground;
+insomuch that in a few years the navigation of that part of the river
+will be entirely obstructed.  Nevertheless, every one of these gentlemen-
+watermen hopes it will last his time, and so they all cry, The devil take
+the hindmost.  But yet I judge it highly necessary that this be made a
+national concern, like Dagenham breach, and that these hills be removed
+by some means or other.
+
+And now I have mentioned watermen, give me leave to complain of the
+insolences and exactions they daily commit on the river Thames, and in
+particular this one instance, which cries aloud for justice.
+
+A young lady of distinction, in company with her brother, a little youth,
+took a pair of oars at or near the Temple, on April day last, and ordered
+the men to carry them to Pepper Alley Stairs.  One of the fellows,
+according to their usual impertinence, asked the lady where she was
+going?  She answered, near St. Olave's church.  Upon which he said, she
+had better go through the bridge.  The lady replied she had never gone
+through the bridge in her life, nor would she venture for a hundred
+guineas; so commanded him once more to land her at Pepper Alley Stairs.
+Notwithstanding which, in spite of her fears, threats, and commands; nay,
+in spite of the persuasion of his fellow, he forced her through London
+Bridge, which frightened her beyond expression.  And to mend the matter,
+he obliged her to pay double fare, and mobbed her into the bargain.
+
+To resent which abuse, application was made to the hall, the fellow
+summoned, and the lady ordered to attend, which she did, waiting there
+all the morning, and was appointed to call again in the afternoon.  She
+came accordingly, they told her the fellow had been there, but was gone,
+and that she must attend another Friday.  She attended again and again,
+but to the same purpose.  Nor have they yet produced the man, but tired
+out the lady, who has spent above ten shillings in coach-hire, been
+abused and baffled into the bargain.
+
+It is pity, therefore, there are not commissioners for watermen, as there
+are for hackney coachmen; or that justices of the peace might not inflict
+bodily penalties on watermen thus offending.  But while watermen are
+watermen's judges, I shall laugh at those who carry their complaints to
+the hall.
+
+The usual plea in behalf of abusive watermen is, that they are drunk,
+ignorant, or poor; but will that satisfy the party aggrieved, or deter
+the offender from reoffending?  Whereas were the offenders sent to the
+house of correction, and there punished, or sentenced to work at the
+sandhills aforementioned, for a time suitable to the nature of their
+crimes, terror of such punishments would make them fearful of offending,
+to the great quiet of the subject.
+
+Now, it maybe asked, How shall we have our shoes cleaned, or how are
+these industrious poor to be maintained?  To this I answer that the
+places of these vagabonds may be very well supplied by great numbers of
+ancient persons, poor widows, and others, who have not enough from their
+respective parishes to maintain them.  These poor people I would have
+authorised and stationed by the justices of the peace or other
+magistrates.  Each of these should have a particular walk or stand, and
+no other shoe-cleaner should come into that walk, unless the person
+misbehave and be removed.  Nor should any person clean shoes in the
+streets, but these authorised shoe-cleaners, who should have some mark of
+distinction, and be under the immediate government of the justices of the
+peace.
+
+Thus would many thousands of poor people be provided for, without
+burthening their parishes.  Some of these may earn a shilling or two in
+the day, and none less than sixpence, or thereabouts.  And lest the old
+japanners should appear again, in the shape of linkboys, and knock down
+gentlemen in drink, or lead others out of the way into dark remote
+places, where they either put out their lights, and rob them themselves,
+or run away and leave them to be pillaged by others, as is daily
+practised, I would have no person carry a link for hire but some of these
+industrious poor, and even such, not without some ticket or badge, to let
+people know whom they trust.  Thus would the streets be cleared night and
+day of these vermin; nor would oaths, skirmishes, blasphemy, obscene
+talk, or other wicked examples, be so public and frequent.  All gaming at
+orange and gingerbread barrows should be abolished, as also all penny and
+halfpenny lotteries, thimbles and balls, &c., so frequent in Moorfields,
+Lincoln's-inn-fields, &c., where idle fellows resort, to play with
+children and apprentices, and tempt them to steal their parents' or
+master's money.
+
+There is one admirable custom in the city of London, which I could wish
+were imitated in the city and liberties of Westminster, and bills of
+mortality, which is, no porter can carry a burthen or letter in the city,
+unless he be a ticket porter; whereas, out of the freedom part of London,
+any person may take a knot and turn porter, till he be entrusted with
+something of value, and then you never hear of him more.
+
+This is very common, and ought to be amended.  I would, therefore, have
+all porters under some such regulation as coachmen, chairmen, carmen,
+&c.; a man may then know whom he entrusts, and not run the risk of losing
+his goods, &c.  Nay, I would not have a person carry a basket in the
+markets, who is not subject to some such regulation; for very many
+persons oftentimes lose their dinners in sending their meat home by
+persons they know nothing of.
+
+Thus would all our poor be stationed, and a man or woman able to perform
+any of these offices, must either comply or be termed an idle vagrant,
+and sent to a place where they shall be forced to work.  By this means
+industry will be encouraged, idleness punished, and we shall be famed, as
+well as happy for our tranquillity and decorum.
+
+
+
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