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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/20024-h.zip b/20024-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..51d5f6f --- /dev/null +++ b/20024-h.zip diff --git a/20024-h/20024-h.htm b/20024-h/20024-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..33b8558 --- /dev/null +++ b/20024-h/20024-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2690 @@ + + +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<title>Crankisms</title> +<meta http-equiv = "Content-Type" content = "text/html; +charset=US-ASCII"> + +<style type = "text/css"> + +body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; background-color: #FFE; +color: inherit;} + +a {text-decoration: none; color: #050; background-color: inherit;} + +img {border: none;} + +hr {width: 80%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;} +hr.mid {width: 50%;} +hr.tiny {width: 20%;} + +h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6 {text-align: center; font-style: normal; +font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5; margin-top: .5em; +margin-bottom: .5em;} + +h1 {font-size: 200%;} +h2 {font-size: 175%;} +h3 {font-size: 150%;} +h4 {font-size: 120%;} +h5 {font-size: 100%;} +h6 {font-size: 85%;} + +p, blockquote {margin-top: .5em; margin-bottom: 0em; line-height: 1.2;} + +p.illustration {text-align: center; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: +2em;} + +/* indented text for poetry */ + +.verse {margin-left: 2em;} + +/* tables */ + +table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 1em; +margin-bottom: 1em;} +table.list {width: 100%;} + +td {vertical-align: top; text-align: left; padding: .1em;} + +td.number {text-align: right;} +td.text {padding: .3em 1em;} +td.piclink {vertical-align: middle; font-family: fantasy; +padding-top: .5em; white-space: nowrap;} + +/* conditional */ + +table.list td.number {font-family: fantasy; font-size: 150%;} +td.text p {margin-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em; margin-top: .3em;} +p.verse + p.verse {margin-top: 0em;} + + +/* text formatting */ + +.fancy {font-family: fantasy;} +.smallcaps {font-variant: small-caps;} + + +/* correction popup */ + +ins.correction {text-decoration: none; border-bottom: thin dotted red;} + +div.mynote {color: #050; background-color: #EFD; padding: .5em; +margin: 2em 10%; border: 3px outset #070; font-family: fantasy;} + +</style> +</head> + +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Crankisms, by Lisle de Vaux Matthewman + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Crankisms + +Author: Lisle de Vaux Matthewman + +Illustrator: Clare Victor Dwiggins + +Release Date: December 5, 2006 [EBook #20024] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CRANKISMS *** + + + + +Produced by Louise Hope, Mark C. Orton, Fox in the Stars +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<p class = "illustration"> +<img src = "images/cover.png" width = "427" height = "576" +alt = "book cover" title = "Crankisms, by Lisle de Vaux Matthewman"> +</p> + +<p> <br> </p> + +<!--002.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "titlepage" id = "titlepage"> </a> +<img src = "images/titlepage.gif" width = "494" height = "739" +alt = "title page, see link for text" +title = "title page, see link for text"> +</p> + +<div class = "mynote"> + +<h4 class = "smallcaps"> +<a href = "#titletext"> +Title Page Text</a></h4> + +</div> + +<!--002.png--> +<h6>Copyright, 1901, by <span class = "smallcaps">Henry T. Coates & +Company</span>.</h6> + +<hr class = "tiny"> + +<h6><i>All rights reserved.</i></h6> + +<p> <br> </p> + +<!--003.png--> +<p><span class = "smallcaps">If</span> I may be permitted to offer a +suggestion, the Crankisms should be read in the spirit in which sermons +are listened to—with the object of discovering whom they hit. This +will furnish amusement, for what is more entertaining than trying the +cap on others?</p> + +<p>The settings speak for themselves; but the author desires to express +his indebtedness to the artist for having infused life into and lent +grace to dead bones of words, and for having, in many cases, given to +those words a deeper and more subtle meaning than they themselves could +be made to express.</p> + +<p class = "smallcaps" align = "right"> +L. de V. M.</p> + +<p class = "smallcaps"> +May, 1901.</p> + +<!--004.png--> + +<p> <br> </p> + +<div class = "mynote"> + +<h4 class = "smallcaps"> +<a name = "begin" id = "begin" href = "#contents"> +The Crankisms</a>:</h4> +<h5><a href = "#contents"> +text with links</a></h5> + +</div> + +<p> <br> </p> + + +<!--005.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page1" id = "page1"> </a> +<img src = "images/page1.gif" width = "403" height = "510" +alt = "1: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--006.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page2" id = "page2"> </a> +<img src = "images/page2.gif" width = "421" height = "520" +alt = "2: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--007.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page3" id = "page3"> </a> +<img src = "images/page3.gif" width = "454" height = "526" +alt = "3: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--008.png--> + +<p class = 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"518" +alt = "78: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--083.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page79" id = "page79"> </a> +<img src = "images/page79.gif" width = "432" height = "479" +alt = "79: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--084.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page80" id = "page80"> </a> +<img src = "images/page80.gif" width = "403" height = "487" +alt = "80: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--085.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page81" id = "page81"> </a> +<img src = "images/page81.gif" width = "386" height = "525" +alt = "81: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--086.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page82" id = "page82"> </a> +<img src = "images/page82.gif" width = "390" height = "487" +alt = "82: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--087.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page83" id = "page83"> </a> +<img src = "images/page83.gif" width = "412" height = "497" +alt = "83: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--088.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page84" id = "page84"> </a> +<img src = "images/page84.gif" width = "374" height = "514" +alt = "84: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--089.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page85" id = "page85"> </a> +<img src = "images/page85.gif" width = "377" height = "462" +alt = "85: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--090.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page86" id = "page86"> </a> +<img src = "images/page86.gif" width = "428" height = "490" +alt = "86: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--091.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page87" id = "page87"> </a> +<img src 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""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--096.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page92" id = "page92"> </a> +<img src = "images/page92.gif" width = "395" height = "475" +alt = "92: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--097.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page93" id = "page93"> </a> +<img src = "images/page93.gif" width = "254" height = "368" +alt = "93: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--098.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page94" id = "page94"> </a> +<img src = "images/page94.gif" width = "399" height = "470" +alt = "94: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--099.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page95" id = "page95"> </a> +<img src = "images/page95.gif" width = "399" height = "511" +alt = "95: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--100.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page96" id = "page96"> </a> +<img src = "images/page96.gif" width = "331" height = "406" +alt = "96: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--101.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page97" id = "page97"> </a> +<img src = "images/page97.gif" width = "393" height = "462" +alt = "97: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--102.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page98" id = "page98"> </a> +<img src = "images/page98.gif" width = "429" height = "426" +alt = "98: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--103.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page99" id = "page99"> </a> +<img src = "images/page99.gif" width = "404" height = "391" +alt = "99: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<hr class = "mid"> + +<!--104.png--> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<a name = "page100" id = "page100"> </a> +<img src = "images/page100.gif" width = "268" height = "450" +alt = "100: see list at end of file" title = ""> +</p> + +<p> <br> </p> + +<div class = "mynote"> + +<h4 class = "smallcaps"> +<a name = "titletext" id = "titletext" href = "#titlepage"> +Title Page:</a></h4> + +</div> + +<h3 class = "fancy">Crankisms</h3> + +<h5 class = "fancy"><span class = "smallcaps">by</span> +Lisle de Vaux Matthewman</h5> +<h5 class = "fancy">Pictured</h5> +<h5 class = "fancy"><span class = "smallcaps">by</span> +Clare Victor Dwiggins</h5> +<h6 class = "fancy">* MCMI *<br> +HENRY T. COATES & CO.<br> +PHILADELPHIA</h6> + +<div class = "mynote"> + + +<h3 class = "smallcaps"><a name = "contents" id = "contents"> +The Crankisms</a></h3> + +<h5>Some illustrations have been lightly edited<br> +where they overlapped with text or decoration.</h5> + +</div> + +<table class = "list" +summary = "text of the Crankisms, with links to illustrations alone"> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a href = "#titlepage">TP</a> +</td> +<td class = "text"><p> +<i>Title Page</i> +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/titlepic.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_1" id = "list_1" href = "#page1">1</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The kisses of an enemy are deceitful, but not as deceitful as the advice +of the friend who is always counseling you for your own good. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic1.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_2" id = "list_2" href = "#page2">2</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The best and the worst in man respond only to woman’s +touch—unfortunately for man. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic2.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_3" id = "list_3" href = "#page3">3</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Men reason; women do not. Woman has no logic, and judging from the use +it is to man, is better off without it. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic3.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_4" id = "list_4" href = "#page4">4</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The present arrangement of society refuses to many the means to live, +while forbidding them the right to die when they wish. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic4.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_5" id = "list_5" href = "#page5">5</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Woman generally tries to attract a man’s eye, and then blames him +for being caught by prettiness and superficial charms. But she rarely +tries to appeal to his better self. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic5.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_6" id = "list_6" href = "#page6">6</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The man who is pockmarked has most to say against freckles. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic6a.png">left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic6b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_7" id = "list_7" href = "#page7">7</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Charity covers a multitude of sins which are committed in her name. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic7.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_8" id = "list_8" href = "#page8">8</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Life is full of golden opportunities for doing what we do not want to +do. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic8a.png">lower left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic8b.png">upper right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_9" id = "list_9" href = "#page9">9</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Never compliment a woman and you will earn her undying enmity. Respect +is rarely appreciated by her; but compliments are always at a premium, +even counterfeits being accepted as greedily as the real. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic9a.png">lower right</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic9b.png">upper left</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_10" id = "list_10" href = "#page10">10</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +When we grow old we walk unfeelingly over that which we, in our youth, +madly chased. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic10a.png">upper left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic10b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_11" id = "list_11" href = "#page11">11</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The biggest fool is the one who thinks he can fool others with impunity +without them knowing and resenting it. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic11.png"> +illustration</a><br> +(bottom only)</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_12" id = "list_12" href = "#page12">12</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +When we get what we want we are always disappointed to find that it is +not what we wanted. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic12a.png">upper left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic12b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_13" id = "list_13" href = "#page13">13</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Like does not always worship like: Beauty often worships the Beast. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic13.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_14" id = "list_14" href = "#page14">14</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +We were all in the front row when modesty was served out—at least +we think so. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic14.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_15" id = "list_15" href = "#page15">15</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Because some men are ruined by intemperance it does not follow that all +should become abstainers, any more than because some men are ruined by +marriage all men should remain single. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic15.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_16" id = "list_16" href = "#page16">16</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +What men see in women or women in men to admire is generally a puzzle to +those who know the men and women in question intimately. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic16a.png">lower left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic16b.png">upper right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_17" id = "list_17" href = "#page17">17</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The only compliment which a woman really dislikes is that which is paid +to another. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic17.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_18" id = "list_18" href = "#page18">18</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Things have changed since Shakespeare’s time: men’s evil +deeds we write in sympathetic ink; their virtues on marble tombstones. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic18.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_19" id = "list_19" href = "#page19">19</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Our own weaknesses we regard as misfortunes from which we cannot escape; +the weaknesses of others we consider crimes. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic19.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_20" id = "list_20" href = "#page20">20</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +No matter how well we do, we are sure to be anxious to impress upon +others that what we have achieved is trifling—compared with that +of which we are capable.</p> +</td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic20a.png">lower left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic20b.png">upper right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_21" id = "list_21" href = "#page21">21</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +A woman is not a woman merely by reason of her sex, any more than an +angel is of necessity an angel of light. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic21a.png">left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic21b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_22" id = "list_22" href = "#page22">22</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +We are quite able, while hating sin, to pity and be charitable to the +sinner—when we happen to be the sinner concerned. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic22.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_23" id = "list_23" href = "#page23">23</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The commonly accepted idea that a woman of beauty is of necessity +lacking in mental qualities, must have originated in the head of some +woman who possessed neither. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic23a.png">left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic23b.png">upper right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_24" id = "list_24" href = "#page24">24</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The Devil is not as black as he is painted. In fact, he is more like us +than we care to admit. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic24a.png">upper left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic24b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_25" id = "list_25" href = "#page25">25</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Faithful are the wounds of a friend; and as it is more blessed to give +than to receive, we prefer to do the wounding. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic25.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_26" id = "list_26" href = "#page26">26</a></td> +<td class = "text"> +<p class = "verse"> +The naked truth and a naked lie</p> +<p class = "verse"> +Are shocking alike to society. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic26a.png">upper left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic26b.png">upper right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_27" id = "list_27" href = "#page27">27</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +A man often envies another man his physical qualities—rarely his +mental. As we have no soul mirror we cannot see the reflection of our +spiritual deformities. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic27a.png">lower right</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic27b.png">upper left</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_28" id = "list_28" href = "#page28">28</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +It is easy to have conscientious scruples when they are profitable. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic28.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_29" id = "list_29" href = "#page29">29</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The man who marries for money is a fool, but rarely as big a fool as he +who marries for love. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic29.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_30" id = "list_30" href = "#page30">30</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +When you have done a man a favor do not insist too earnestly that it is +a mere trifle, or he may take you at your word and not trouble to repay +it; which would be very disappointing. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic30.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_31" id = "list_31" href = "#page31">31</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The gentle art of making enemies is the one natural accomplishment which +is common to all sorts and conditions of men—and women. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic31.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_32" id = "list_32" href = "#page32">32</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +What we think of ourselves combined with what others think of us is a +very fair estimate. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic32.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_33" id = "list_33" href = "#page33">33</a></td> +<td class = "text"> +<p>If a girl cannot make up her mind between two men it is because she +has no mind worth making up.</p> + +<p>Besides, any man who will knowingly be one of two is not +worth the trouble of thinking about.</p> +</td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic33.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_34" id = "list_34" href = "#page34">34</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +If we devoted as much attention to our own affairs as we freely give to +those of others, we and others would be gainers. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic34.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_35" id = "list_35" href = "#page35">35</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Merit, like the show inside a circus, is of comparatively little use as +a drawing card; it is the bluff and buncombe the banging drum and +megaphone of the barker which is the successful magnet. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic35a.png">upper left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic35b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_36" id = "list_36" href = "#page36">36</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +We always know what we should do under certain circumstances, but +unfortunately we never find circumstances arranged so as to suit what we +do. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic36.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_37" id = "list_37" href = "#page37">37</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +An over sensitive conscience is simply the evidence of spiritual +dyspepsia. The man who has it is no better than his fellows. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic37.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_38" id = "list_38" href = "#page38">38</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Generosity, as commonly understood, consists in forcing upon others that +for which one has no use. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic38.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_39" id = "list_39" href = "#page39">39</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +There is a greater difference between really thinking and only thinking +that we think than most of us think. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic39a.png">upper left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic39b.png">lower right</a> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_40" id = "list_40" href = "#page40">40</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +We rashly demand that the devil shall have his due, forgetting that if +that gentleman gets all that is coming to him it will go badly with some +of us. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic40a.png">lower left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic40b.png">upper right</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic40c.png">lower right</a> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_41" id = "list_41" href = "#page41">41</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +If women knew themselves as well as they know men—and if men knew +women as well as they know themselves—things would be very much as +they are. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic41.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_42" id = "list_42" href = "#page42">42</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Before he knows a woman a man often thinks her an angel; when he knows +her he knows—er—better. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic42.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_43" id = "list_43" href = "#page43">43</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +A critic is one who knows perfectly well how a thing should be done, but +is unable to do it. Therefore we are all the keenest critics in matters +of which we know least. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic43.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_44" id = "list_44" href = "#page44">44</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +From all enemies and most friends, good Lord, deliver us! +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic44.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_45" id = "list_45" href = "#page45">45</a></td> +<td class = "text"> +<p>Everything comes to the man who waits</p> + +<p>but that is no inducement to wait—for no man wants +everything.</p> + +<p>He usually wants one thing in particular—just that one +which he never gets, no matter how long he waits.</p> +</td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic45.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_46" id = "list_46" href = "#page46">46</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +When a man has drained the dregs of the bitterness of life, hope and +fear no longer exist in him, only indifference which produces +stupefaction. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic46.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_47" id = "list_47" href = "#page47">47</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Forbidden fruit has no attraction until we know that it is forbidden. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic47.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_48" id = "list_48" href = "#page48">48</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +A man can be judged from the theatres he frequents and the ladies who +accompany him there. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic48a.png">left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic48b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_49" id = "list_49" href = "#page49">49</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Criticism grows faint in the presence of successful achievement. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic49a.png">left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic49b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_50" id = "list_50" href = "#page50">50</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p>A man may confess that his judgment was at fault, +but +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic50.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_51" id = "list_51" href = "#page51">51</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +never that his intentions were other than strictly +honorable. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic51.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_52" id = "list_52" href = "#page52">52</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Our last match never ignites except when we are sure it will not, and +are prepared for the worst. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic52.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_53" id = "list_53" href = "#page53">53</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +It is impossible to serve two masters, and few of us try. We are +satisfied to praise God from whom all blessings flow while we cash the +checks of Mammon. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic53.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_54" id = "list_54" href = "#page54">54</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Our own success is due to our indomitable energy and other deserving +traits; that of others largely to blind luck. With our energy and the +good luck of others what could we not achieve! +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic54.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_55" id = "list_55" href = "#page55">55</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The trouble with most reformers that they waste their time and energy +trying to reform somebody else. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic55a.png">upper left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic55b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_56" id = "list_56" href = "#page56">56</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +We are convinced in our own minds that every man deserves what he gets; +but, judging from ourselves, not every one gets what he deserves. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic56a.png">lower left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic56b.png">right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_57" id = "list_57" href = "#page57">57</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +If we saw ourselves as others see us we should not believe our own eyes; +but we should have a still lower opinion of the rest of the world than +we now have. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic57.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_58" id = "list_58" href = "#page58">58</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +When we care we usually don’t dare; when we dare we don’t +often care. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic58a.png">left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic58b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_59" id = "list_59" href = "#page59">59</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +What sounds so sweet as the human voice—to the one who is doing +the talking! +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic59.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_60" id = "list_60" href = "#page60">60</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Words may be mere wind, but then so is a tornado. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic60.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_61" id = "list_61" href = "#page61">61</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Laugh, and the world laughs with you; cry, and the world laughs at you. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic61.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_62" id = "list_62" href = "#page62">62</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +A proverbial expression is often a crystallized lie which we should like +to believe. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic62.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_63" id = "list_63" href = "#page63">63</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Because everything is for the best it does not follow that it is for our +best. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic63.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_64" id = "list_64" href = "#page64">64</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +It is easier to moralize than to be moral. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic64.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_65" id = "list_65" href = "#page65">65</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The difference between an actress on the stage and a woman not on the +stage is a matter of here and there. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic65a.png">right</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic65b.png">upper left</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_66" id = "list_66" href = "#page66">66</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Ignorance is not so surprising, nor such a mark of inferiority, as +unwillingness to learn. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic66a.png">upper left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic66b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_67" id = "list_67" href = "#page67">67</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +He who grows indignant when his veracity is questioned generally has +good and sufficient reason therefor. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic67.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_68" id = "list_68" href = "#page68">68</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Our joys are mainly those of prospect and retrospect. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic68.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_69" id = "list_69" href = "#page69">69</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +It is not to be expected that the average man should know what a real +woman is like—he so rarely sees one. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic69.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_70" id = "list_70" href = "#page70">70</a></td> +<td class = "text"> +<p>The Chinese promise and never intend to perform; +we promise and do intend to perform.</p> + +<p>The result is about the same.</p> +</td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic70a.png">left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic70b.png">right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_71" id = "list_71" href = "#page71">71</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Woman regards the criticizing of her sex as her own prerogative, and +criticizes more bitterly than any man would think of doing; but she +resents any criticism, no matter how just, from man. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic71.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_72" id = "list_72" href = "#page72">72</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Lambs, it is true, gambol, but in due time they all get fleeced. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic72.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_73" id = "list_73" href = "#page73">73</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +What we need is some philosopher to tell us how to be happy when we have +every reason for being unhappy. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic73.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_74" id = "list_74" href = "#page74">74</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The most striking trait of the average man is unwillingness to be +convinced—that we are right and he is wrong. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic74.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_75" id = "list_75" href = "#page75">75</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +If man were so constituted that he could pat himself on the back +gracefully, or kick himself effectively, he would spend most of his +spare time doing one or the other. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic75.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_76" id = "list_76" href = "#page76">76</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Most of us live as if we expected to be judged from our epitaph rather +than from our conduct. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic76.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_77" id = "list_77" href = "#page77">77</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The world is a paradise for fools, a purgatory or worse for others. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic77.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_78" id = "list_78" href = "#page78">78</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +When we have the capacity of enjoying we have not the reason for +enjoyment; when we do have good and sufficient grounds we no longer have +the capacity. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic78a.png">left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic78b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_79" id = "list_79" href = "#page79">79</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +To be happy, give; to be successful, take; to be happy and successful, +give and take. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic79.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_80" id = "list_80" href = "#page80">80</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +What a woman admires in a man depends on whether she is married or +single. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic80a.png">upper left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic80b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_81" id = "list_81" href = "#page81">81</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Confidence given is usually confidence misplaced. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic81.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_82" id = "list_82" href = "#page82">82</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Women admire the gilded youth because he is a golden calf. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic82a.png">left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic82b.png">upper right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_83" id = "list_83" href = "#page83">83</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Even those who do not repeat scandal are generally willing to listen to +it. Talk of the virtues of another, and, as a rule, your hearers will +get bored; only hint that you could a tale unfold and you will secure +perfect attention. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic83.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_84" id = "list_84" href = "#page84">84</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +We forget that once upon a time we were little children; but the +unpleasant fact that we are big children is being constantly forced upon +us, together with the moral certainty that we shall never be anything +else. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic84a.png">lower right</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic84b.png">upper left</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_85" id = "list_85" href = "#page85">85</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +A man considers his little weaknesses amiable traits; +a woman—a woman will not admit that she has a weakness. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic85a.png">upper right</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic85b.png">lower left</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_86" id = "list_86" href = "#page86">86</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +God’s call, through the still small voice, to preach, is much more +irresistible when megaphoned by a wealthy church. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic86.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_87" id = "list_87" href = "#page87">87</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Many who sing loud praises to God, pay heavy tribute to the devil. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic87.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_88" id = "list_88" href = "#page88">88</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +If the world is, as is so often whined, growing worse, it is partly +because of our presence in it. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic88.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_89" id = "list_89" href = "#page89">89</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The counsel of a good book is far superior to that of a man who says one +thing and does another. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic89.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_90" id = "list_90" href = "#page90">90</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +If other people would only be as reasonable as we are, what a heaven +this earth would be. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic90.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_91" id = "list_91" href = "#page91">91</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The world has no sympathy for the gambler who loses. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic91.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_92" id = "list_92" href = "#page92">92</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Trust in God, but keep a sharp lookout on your friends. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/page92.gif"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_93" id = "list_93" href = "#page93">93</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +Tell the truth and you will shame the devil; you will also surprise him +very often. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic93.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_94" id = "list_94" href = "#page94">94</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The knowledge that virtue is its own reward is what deters many from +well doing. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic94.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_95" id = "list_95" href = "#page95">95</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +It requires no particular skill to win the game when Fortune has dealt +you all the trumps. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic95.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_96" id = "list_96" href = "#page96">96</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +We give much more thought to what is due to us than to what is due from +us. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic96.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_97" id = "list_97" href = "#page97">97</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +A camel may not be able to pass through the eye of a needle, but that +does not deter many a lobster from trying to do so. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic97.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_98" id = "list_98" href = "#page98">98</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The man who sees things as they are is regarded as a madman, just as +those were formerly looked upon who maintained that the earth was round. +The average man sees things as they seem to be. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic98a.png">upper left</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic98b.png">lower right</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_99" id = "list_99" href = "#page99">99</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +We are all convinced of the righteousness and reasonableness of majority +rule—when we happen to belong to the majority. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"> +<a href = "images/pic99a.png">right</a><br> +<a href = "images/pic99b.png">lower left</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class = "number"> +<a name = "list_100" id = "list_100" href = "#page100">100</a></td> +<td class = "text"><p> +The greater his trouble, the more a man hugs it to his heart. +</p></td> +<td class = "piclink"><a href = "images/pic100.png"> +illustration</a></td> +</tr> +</table> + +<div class = "mynote"> + +<h3>The Artist</h3> + +<p>Clare Victor Dwiggins ("Dwig"), signatures from the first eight +pages:</p> + +<p class = "illustration"> +<img src = "images/artistsigs.gif" width = "195" height = "259" +alt = "artist's signatures: 'Dwig'" title = "'Dwig'"> +</p> + +</div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Crankisms, by Lisle de Vaux Matthewman + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CRANKISMS *** + +***** This file should be named 20024-h.htm or 20024-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/0/2/20024/ + +Produced by Louise Hope, Mark C. 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b/20024-h/images/titlepage.gif Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..0d28939 --- /dev/null +++ b/20024-h/images/titlepage.gif diff --git a/20024-h/images/titlepic.png b/20024-h/images/titlepic.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..79d374b --- /dev/null +++ b/20024-h/images/titlepic.png diff --git a/20024.txt b/20024.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ac13527 --- /dev/null +++ b/20024.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1115 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Crankisms, by Lisle de Vaux Matthewman + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Crankisms + +Author: Lisle de Vaux Matthewman + +Illustrator: Clare Victor Dwiggins + +Release Date: December 5, 2006 [EBook #20024] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CRANKISMS *** + + + + +Produced by Louise Hope, Mark C. Orton, Fox in the Stars +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + +[Transcriber's Note: + +Illustrations are explained at the end of the text.] + + * * * * * + * * * * + * * * * * + +Crankisms + +By +Lisle +de +Vaux +MATTHEWMAN + +Pictured +By +Clare +Victor +DWIGGINS + + +* MCMI * +HENRY T. +COATES & CO. +PHILADELPHIA + + + + +Copyright, 1901, by +Henry T. Coates & Company. +_All rights reserved._ + + + + +If I may be permitted to offer a suggestion, the Crankisms +should be read in the spirit in which sermons are listened +to--with the object of discovering whom they hit. This will +furnish amusement, for what is more entertaining than trying +the cap on others? + +The settings speak for themselves; but the author desires +to express his indebtedness to the artist for having infused +life into and lent grace to dead bones of words, and for +having, in many cases, given to those words a deeper and +more subtle meaning than they themselves could be made to +express. + +L. de V. M. + +May, +1901. + + + + +1 + +The kisses of an enemy are deceitful, but not as deceitful +as the advice of the friend who is always counseling you for +your own good. + + +2 + +The best and the worst in man respond only to woman's +touch--unfortunately for man. + + +3 + +Men reason; women do not. Woman has no logic, and judging +from the use it is to man, is better off without it. + + +4 + +The present arrangement of society refuses to many the +means to live, while forbidding them the right to die when +they wish. + + +5 + +Woman generally tries to attract a man's eye, and then +blames him for being caught by prettiness and superficial +charms. But she rarely tries to appeal to his better self. + + +6 + +The man who is pockmarked has most to say against freckles. + + +7 + +Charity covers a multitude of sins which are committed in +her name. + + +8 + +Life is full of golden opportunities for doing what we do +not want to do. + + +9 + +Never compliment a woman and you will earn her undying +enmity. Respect is rarely appreciated by her; but +compliments are always at a premium, even counterfeits being +accepted as greedily as the real. + + +10 + +When we grow old we walk unfeelingly over that which we, +in our youth, madly chased. + + +11 + +The biggest fool is the one who thinks he can fool others +with impunity without them knowing and resenting it. + + +12 + +When we get what we want we are always disappointed to find +that it is not what we wanted. + + +13 + +Like does not always worship like: Beauty often worships the +Beast. + + +14 + +We were all in the front row when modesty was served out--at +least we think so. + + +15 + +Because some men are ruined by intemperance it does not +follow that all should become abstainers, any more than +because some men are ruined by marriage all men should +remain single. + + +16 + +What men see in women or women in men to admire is generally +a puzzle to those who know the men and women in question +intimately. + + +17 + +The only compliment which a woman really dislikes is that +which is paid to another. + + +18 + +Things have changed since Shakespeare's time: men's evil +deeds we write in sympathetic ink; their virtues on marble +tombstones. + + +19 + +Our own weaknesses we regard as misfortunes from which we +cannot escape; the weaknesses of others we consider crimes. + + +20 + +No matter how well we do, we are sure to be anxious to +impress upon others that what we have achieved is trifling-- +compared with that of which we are capable. + + +21 + +A woman is not a woman merely by reason of her sex, any more +than an angel is of necessity an angel of light. + + +22 + +We are quite able, while hating sin, to pity and be +charitable to the sinner--when we happen to be the sinner +concerned. + + +23 + +The commonly accepted idea that a woman of beauty is of +necessity lacking in mental qualities, must have originated +in the head of some woman who possessed neither. + + +24 + +The Devil is not as black as he is painted. In fact, he is +more like us than we care to admit. + + +25 + +Faithful are the wounds of a friend; and as it is more +blessed to give than to receive, we prefer to do the +wounding. + + +26 + + The naked truth and a naked lie + Are shocking alike to society. + + +27 + +A man often envies another man his physical +qualities--rarely his mental. As we have no soul mirror we +cannot see the reflection of our spiritual deformities. + + +28 + +It is easy to have conscientious scruples when they are +profitable. + + +29 + +The man who marries for money is a fool, but rarely as big a +fool as he who marries for love. + + +30 + +When you have done a man a favor do not insist too earnestly +that it is a mere trifle, or he may take you at your word +and not trouble to repay it; which would be very +disappointing. + + +31 + +The gentle art of making enemies is the one natural +accomplishment which is common to all sorts and conditions +of men--and women. + + +32 + +What we think of ourselves combined with what others think +of us is a very fair estimate. + + +33 + +If a girl cannot make up her mind between two men it is +because she has no mind worth making up. + +Besides, any man who will knowingly be one of two is not +worth the trouble of thinking about. + + +34 + +If we devoted as much attention to our own affairs as we +freely give to those of others, we and others would be +gainers. + + +35 + +Merit, like the show inside a circus, is of comparatively +little use as a drawing card; it is the bluff and buncombe +the banging drum and megaphone of the barker which is the +successful magnet. + + +36 + +We always know what we should do under certain +circumstances, but unfortunately we never find circumstances +arranged so as to suit what we do. + + +37 + +An over sensitive conscience is simply the evidence of +spiritual dyspepsia. The man who has it is no better than +his fellows. + + +38 + +Generosity, as commonly understood, consists in forcing upon +others that for which one has no use. + + +39 + +There is a greater difference between really thinking and +only thinking that we think than most of us think. + + +40 + +We rashly demand that the devil shall have his due, +forgetting that if that gentleman gets all that is coming to +him it will go badly with some of us. + + +41 + +If women knew themselves as well as they know men--and if +men knew women as well as they know themselves--things would +be very much as they are. + + +42 + +Before he knows a woman a man often thinks her an angel; +when he knows her he knows--er--better. + + +43 + +A critic is one who knows perfectly well how a thing should +be done, but is unable to do it. Therefore we are all the +keenest critics in matters of which we know least. + + +44 + +From all enemies and most friends, good Lord, deliver us! + + +45 + +Everything comes to the man who waits + +but that is no inducement to wait-- for no man wants +everything. + +He usually wants one thing in particular-- just that one +which he never gets, no matter how long he waits. + + +46 + +When a man has drained the dregs of the bitterness of life, +hope and fear no longer exist in him, only indifference +which produces stupefaction. + + +47 + +Forbidden fruit has no attraction until we know that it is +forbidden. + + +48 + +A man can be judged from the theatres he frequents and the +ladies who accompany him there. + + +49 + +Criticism grows faint in the presence of successful +achievement. + + +50-51 + +A man may confess that his judgment was at fault, +but + +never that his intentions were other than strictly +honorable. + + +52 + +Our last match never ignites except when we are sure it will +not, and are prepared for the worst. + + +53 + +It is impossible to serve two masters, and few of us try. +We are satisfied to praise God from whom all blessings flow +while we cash the checks of Mammon. + + +54 + +Our own success is due to our indomitable energy and other +deserving traits; that of others largely to blind luck. With +our energy and the good luck of others what could we not +achieve! + + +55 + +The trouble with most reformers that they waste their time +and energy trying to reform somebody else. + + +56 + +We are convinced in our own minds that every man deserves +what he gets; but, judging from ourselves, not every one +gets what he deserves. + + +57 + +If we saw ourselves as others see us we should not believe +our own eyes; but we should have a still lower opinion of +the rest of the world than we now have. + + +58 + +When we care we usually don't dare; when we dare we don't +often care. + + +59 + +What sounds so sweet as the human voice--to the one who is +doing the talking! + + +60 + +Words may be mere wind, but then so is a tornado. + + +61 + +Laugh, and the world laughs with you; cry, and the world +laughs at you. + + +62 + +A proverbial expression is often a crystallized lie which we +should like to believe. + + +63 + +Because everything is for the best it does not follow that +it is for our best. + + +64 + +It is easier to moralize than to be moral. + + +65 + +The difference between an actress on the stage and a woman +not on the stage is a matter of here and there. + + +66 + +Ignorance is not so surprising, nor such a mark of +inferiority, as unwillingness to learn. + + +67 + +He who grows indignant when his veracity is questioned +generally has good and sufficient reason therefor. + + +68 + +Our joys are mainly those of prospect and retrospect. + + +69 + +It is not to be expected that the average man should know +what a real woman is like--he so rarely sees one. + + +70 + +The Chinese promise and never intend to perform; we promise +and do intend to perform. + +The result is about the same. + + +71 + +Woman regards the criticizing of her sex as her own +prerogative, and criticizes more bitterly than any man would +think of doing; but she resents any criticism, no matter how +just, from man. + + +72 + +Lambs, it is true, gambol, but in due time they all get +fleeced. + + +73 + +What we need is some philosopher to tell us how to be happy +when we have every reason for being unhappy. + + +74 + +The most striking trait of the average man is unwillingness +to be convinced--that we are right and he is wrong. + + +75 + +If man were so constituted that he could pat himself on the +back gracefully, or kick himself effectively, he would spend +most of his spare time doing one or the other. + + +76 + +Most of us live as if we expected to be judged from our +epitaph rather than from our conduct. + + +77 + +The world is a paradise for fools, a purgatory or worse for +others. + + +78 + +When we have the capacity of enjoying we have not the reason +for enjoyment; when we do have good and sufficient grounds +we no longer have the capacity. + + +79 + +To be happy, give; to be successful, take; to be happy and +successful, give and take. + + +80 + +What a woman admires in a man depends on whether she is +married or single. + + +81 + +Confidence given is usually confidence misplaced. + + +82 + +Women admire the gilded youth because he is a golden calf. + + +83 + +Even those who do not repeat scandal are generally willing +to listen to it. Talk of the virtues of another, and, as a +rule, your hearers will get bored; only hint that you could +a tale unfold and you will secure perfect attention. + + +84 + +We forget that once upon a time we were little children; but +the unpleasant fact that we are big children is being +constantly forced upon us, together with the moral certainty +that we shall never be anything else. + + +85 + +A man considers his little weaknesses amiable traits; +a woman--a woman will not admit that she has a weakness. + + +86 + +God's call, through the still small voice, to preach, is +much more irresistible when megaphoned by a wealthy church. + + +87 + +Many who sing loud praises to God, pay heavy tribute to the +devil. + + +88 + +If the world is, as is so often whined, growing worse, it is +partly because of our presence in it. + + +89 + +The counsel of a good book is far superior to that of a man +who says one thing and does another. + + +90 + +If other people would only be as reasonable as we are, what +a heaven this earth would be. + + +91 + +The world has no sympathy for the gambler who loses. + + +92 + +Trust in God, but keep a sharp lookout on your friends. + + +93 + +Tell the truth and you will shame the devil; you will also +surprise him very often. + + +94 + +The knowledge that virtue is its own reward is what deters +many from well doing. + + +95 + +It requires no particular skill to win the game when Fortune +has dealt you all the trumps. + + +96 + +We give much more thought to what is due to us than to what +is due from us. + + +97 + +A camel may not be able to pass through the eye of a needle, +but that does not deter many a lobster from trying to do so. + + +98 + +The man who sees things as they are is regarded as a madman, +just as those were formerly looked upon who maintained that +the earth was round. The average man sees things as they +seem to be. + + +99 + +We are all convinced of the righteousness and reasonableness +of majority rule--when we happen to belong to the majority. + + +100 + +The greater his trouble, the more a man hugs it to his +heart. + + + * * * * * + * * * * + * * * * * + +[Illustrations: + +Readers who are unable to use the fully illustrated html +version of this text may wish to view some individual +pictures, located within the "images" directory of the +html file. Complete page images are named in the form +"pageN.png", using the number of each "Crankism" as +the page number. Drawings alone--without text and its +surrounding decoration--are named in the form "picN.png", +or "picNa.png," "picNb.png" for illustrations that were +made up of separate elements.] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Crankisms, by Lisle de Vaux Matthewman + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CRANKISMS *** + +***** This file should be named 20024.txt or 20024.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/0/2/20024/ + +Produced by Louise Hope, Mark C. Orton, Fox in the Stars +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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