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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 159,
+August 18th, 1920, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 159, August 18th, 1920
+
+Author: Various
+
+Release Date: September 17, 2005 [EBook #16707]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Keith Edkins and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
+
+VOL. 159.
+
+
+
+August 18th, 1920.
+
+
+
+
+CHARIVARIA
+
+The grouse-shooting reports are coming in. Already one of the newly-rich
+has sent a brace of gamekeepers to the local hospital.
+
+* * *
+
+"A few hours in Cork," says a _Daily Mail_ correspondent, "will convince
+anyone that a civil war is near." A civil war, it should be explained, is
+one in which the civilians are at war but the military are not.
+
+* * *
+
+Lisburn Urban Council has decided to buy an army hut for use as a day
+nursery. It is this policy of petty insult that is bound in the end to goad
+the military forces in Ireland to reprisals.
+
+* * *
+
+"Who invented railways?" asks a weekly paper. We can only say we know
+somebody who butted in later.
+
+* * *
+
+"Mr. Churchill," says a contemporary, "has some friends still." It will be
+noticed that they are very still.
+
+* * *
+
+"It may interest your readers to know," writes a correspondent, "that it
+would take four days and nights, seven hours, fifty-two minutes and ten
+seconds to count one day's circulation of _The Daily Mail_." Holiday-makers
+waiting for the shower to blow over should certainly try it.
+
+* * *
+
+Coloured grocery sugars, the FOOD CONTROLLER announces, are to be freed
+from control on September 6th. A coloured grocery is one in which the
+grocer is not as black as he is painted.
+
+* * *
+
+A conference of sanitary inspectors at Leeds has been considering the
+question, "When is a house unfit for habitation?" The most dependable sign
+is the owner's description of it as a "charming old-world residence."
+
+* * *
+
+The Warrington Watch Committee, says a news item, have before them an
+unusual number of applications for pawnbrokers' licences. In the absence of
+any protest from the Sleeve Links and Scarf Pin Committee they will
+probably be granted.
+
+* * *
+
+"I earn three pounds and fourpence a week," an applicant told the Willesden
+Police Court, "out of which I give my wife three pounds." The man may be a
+model husband, of course, but before taking it for granted we should want
+to know what he does with that fourpence.
+
+* * *
+
+Scarborough Corporation has fitted up and let a number of bathing vans for
+eight shillings a week each. To avoid overcrowding not more than three
+families will be allowed to live in one van.
+
+* * *
+
+"Three times in four days," says a _Daily Express_ report, "a Parisian has
+thrown his wife out of a bedroom window." Later reports point out that all
+is now quiet, as the fellow has found his collar-stud.
+
+* * *
+
+"Who Will Fight For England?" asks a headline. To avoid ill-feeling a
+better plan would be to get Sir ERIC GEDDES to give it to you.
+
+* * *
+
+A noiseless gun has just been invented. It will now be possible to wage war
+without the enemy complaining of headache.
+
+* * *
+
+"Everyone sending clothes to a laundry should mark them plainly so that
+they can be easily recognised," advises a weekly journal. It is nice to
+know that should an article not come back again you will be able to assure
+yourself that it was yours.
+
+* * *
+
+At the present moment, we read, dogs are being imported in large numbers.
+It should be pointed out, however, that dachshunds are still sold in
+lengths.
+
+* * *
+
+A contemporary complains of the high cost of running a motor-car to-day. It
+is not so much the high price of petrol, we gather, as the rising cost of
+pedestrian.
+
+* * *
+
+The police, while investigating a case of burglary in a railway buffet,
+discovered a bent crowbar. This seems to prove that the thieves tried to
+break into a railway sandwich.
+
+* * *
+
+Mexican rebels have been ordered to stop indiscriminate shooting. It is
+feared that the supply of Presidential Candidates is in danger of running
+out.
+
+* * *
+
+"A Manchester octogenarian has just married a woman of eighty-six," says a
+news item. It should be pointed out, however, that he obtained her parents'
+consent.
+
+* * *
+
+"Although the old penny bun is now sold for twopence or even threepence it
+contains three times the number of currants," announces an evening paper.
+This should mean three currants in each bun.
+
+* * *
+
+A parrot belonging to a bargee escaped near Atherstone in Warwickshire last
+week and has not yet been recaptured. We understand that all children under
+fourteen living in the neighbourhood are being kept indoors, whilst local
+golfers have been sent out to act as decoys.
+
+* * *
+
+It is announced that a baby born in Ramsgate on August 6th is to be
+christened "Geddes." We are given to understand that the news has not yet
+been broken to the unfortunate infant.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: _Exasperated Partner._ "LOOK HERE--DON'T YOU EVER GET YOUR
+SERVICE INTO THE RIGHT COURT?"
+
+_Partner._ "NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT I DON'T. BUT IT WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY
+UNPLAYABLE IF I DID."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE RESULT OF A LEAP-YEAR.
+
+    "Bishop ---- says he will not be able to consider any more proposals
+    for engagements till after the summer of 1921."--_Local Paper._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+AN ECHO FROM BISLEY.--A musical correspondent writes to point out that
+sol-faists have an unfair advantage in the running-deer competition,
+because they are always practising with a "movable Doh."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FROM SPA AND SHORE.
+
+GROGTOWN.--All available accommodation has been monopolised by Glasborough
+visitors, among whom this resort is becoming more alarmingly popular every
+year. Sixty charabancs arrived on Monday and the Riot Act was read several
+times before the passengers could be induced to desist from their badinage
+of the residents, most of whom have since retired behind the wire-
+entanglements at Kelrose. The municipal orchestra was subjected to a brisk
+fusillade of rock-cakes on Saturday night; the conductor and several of the
+instrumentalists suffered contusions, and their performances have since
+been discontinued. This has not unnaturally given rise to a certain amount
+of dissatisfaction amongst the visitors, but otherwise there has been no
+recrudescence of rioting. A company of the Caithness Highlanders, with
+machine-guns, are now encamped on the links, and sunshine is all that is
+needed to complete the success of the season.
+
+KEGNESS.--On Tuesday the Mayor presented a jar of whisky, fifty years old,
+to the winning charabanc team in the bottle-throwing competition, and the
+subsequent scenes afforded much diversion. A notable feature at present is
+a large whale, which was washed ashore in a gale about six months ago. The
+oldest inhabitants declare that they have never known anything like it, and
+it is certainly an unforgettable experience to be anywhere within a mile of
+this apparently immovable derelict. Excursions to all surrounding places
+out of nose-shot are extremely popular, and the beach is practically
+deserted save by a few juvenile natives engaged in the blubber industry.
+
+MUDHALL SPA.--Without the least reflection on chalybeates and the rest, it
+must be allowed that the most popular beverage in Mudhall at present is
+that which draws its virtue from a cereal and not a mineral source.
+Hilarity is rife at all hours, and the effort to enlist a body of local
+volunteers to control the exuberance of anti-Sabbatarian "charabankers" is
+meeting with unexpected support. The casualties in the daily collisions
+between the Hydropathic League and the Anti-Pussy-Foot-Guards are steadily
+increasing and now compare favourably with those of any other Midland
+health-resort.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "A Boylston (Massachusetts) farm labourer is said to havt bees
+    identified as one of the heirs to a £400,000 estate at Dundte, for whom
+    starches have betn made for years, but nothing is known at Dundee of
+    such an estate."--_Daily Paper._
+
+But this lucid paragraph should help to clear up the mystery.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+AMONG THE PEDESTALS.
+
+The rumour that a number of London's statues are to be moved to make room
+for new has caused many a marble heart to beat faster; and on making a
+round of calls I gathered that Sir ALFRED MOND has few friends in stone or
+bronze circles. Not the least uneasy is George IV. in Trafalgar Square.
+Uneasiness of body he has always known, riding there for ever without any
+stirrups; but now his mind is uneasy too. "If they take Father from
+Cockspur Street," he argued very naturally, "why not me?"
+
+A few of the figures feel secure, of course, but very few. Nelson on his
+column has no fears; Nurse Cavell is too recent to tremble; so is Abraham
+Lincoln. But the others? They are in a state of nervous suspense, wondering
+if the sentence of banishment is to fall and resenting any disturbance of
+their lives. "_J'y suis, j'y reste_" is their motto.
+
+Abraham Lincoln gave me a hearty welcome and extended an invitation that is
+not within the power of any other graven image in the city. "Take a chair,"
+he said.
+
+I did so and am thus, I suppose, the first Londoner to put that comfortable
+piece of furniture to its proper use.
+
+"How do you like being here?" I asked.
+
+He said that he enjoyed it. The only blot on his pleasure was the fear that
+the Abbey might fall on him, and he therefore hoped that _The Times'_ fund
+was progressing by leaps and bounds.
+
+His immediate neighbours, on the contrary, exhibited no serenity whatever,
+and I found Canning and Palmerston shivering with apprehension in their
+frockcoats. The worst of it was that I could say nothing to reassure them.
+
+Here and there, however, a desire for locomotion was expressed. Dr.
+Johnson, in the enclosure behind St. Clement Danes, is very restive. I
+asked him if he would object to removal. "Sir," said the Little
+Lexicographer (as his sculptor has made him), "I should derive satisfaction
+from it. A man cannot be considered as enviable who spends all his time in
+the contemplation, from an unvacatable position, of a street to the
+perambulation of which he devoted many of his happiest hours."
+
+I ventured to agree.
+
+"Nor," continued the sage, "is it a source of contentment to a man of
+integrity to observe an unceasing procession of Americans on their way to
+partake of pudding in a hostelry that has made its name and prosperity out
+of a mythical association with himself and be unable to correct the error."
+
+"Are you in general in favour of statuary?" I made bold to ask.
+
+"Painting," said he, "consumes labour not disproportionate to its effect;
+but a fellow will hack half a year at a block of marble to make something
+in stone that hardly resembles a man. Look around you; look at me. The
+value of statuary is owing to its difficulty. You would not value the
+finest head cut upon a carrot."
+
+But one effect of this General Post among the statues is good, and it
+should delight Mr. ASQUITH. Cromwell, now outside Westminster Hall, is to
+be moved into the House.
+
+E.V.L.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FLOWERS' NAMES.
+
+          MARIGOLDS.
+
+  As MARY was a-walking
+    All on a summer day,
+  The flowers all stood curtseying
+    And bowing in her way;
+  The blushing poppies hung their heads
+    And whispered MARY'S name,
+  And all the wood anemones
+    Hung down their heads in shame.
+
+  The violet hid behind her leaves
+    And veiled her timid face,
+  And all the flowers bowed a-down,
+    For holy was the place.
+  Only a little common flower
+    Looked boldly up and smiled
+  To see the happy mother come
+    A-carrying her Child.
+
+  The little Child He laughed aloud
+    To see the smiling flower,
+  And as He laughed the Marigold
+    Turned gold in that same hour.
+  For she was gay and innocent--
+    He loved to see her so--
+  And from the splendour of His face
+    She caught a golden glow.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+AN OPTIMIST.
+
+    "I have just completed a fortnight's tour on a tandem, and can
+    recommend this form of a holiday as the best I know of.... One Sunday
+    in June, without exaggeration, I was nearly killed twice, and my wife
+    was overcome with fright."--_C.T.C. Gazette._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "In a competition at Claygate, Surrey, three children caught 182 green
+    wasps."--_Daily Paper._
+
+It is believed that they would not have been caught if they had not been
+green.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+From a recent Admiralty Order:--
+
+    "Approval has been given for frocks to be issued to N.C. Officers and
+    men (Royal Marines) during the current year, for walking out purposes
+    only."
+
+It is believed that His Majesty's Jollies have received the order without
+enthusiasm, on the ground that no mention is made of anything being inside
+the frocks.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE ICONOCLAST.
+
+SIR ALFRED MOND. "I'M SORRY TO HAVE TO DISTURB YOUR MAJESTY, BUT, OWING TO
+THE SHORTAGE OF SITES--"
+
+GEORGE III. "SHORTAGE OF SIGHTS, INDEED!"
+
+[It is understood that a number of London statues, including that of George
+III. in Cockspur Street, are to be removed by the Office of Works to make
+room for new ones.]]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: _Heavy Father._ "PUT YOUR 'AT ON THIS MINUTE, SIR. DO YOU
+WANT TO CATCH YOUR DEATHERCOLD?"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE VISIONARY.
+
+  'Twas last week at Pebble Bay
+    That I saw the little goat,
+  Harnessed to a little shay.
+    Old was he and poor in coat,
+  And he lugged his load along
+  Where the barefoot children throng
+  Round the nigger minstrels' song.
+
+  But his eye, aloof and chill,
+    Said to me as plain as plain,
+  "I am waiting, waiting still,
+    Till the gods come back again;
+  Starved and ugly, mean, unkempt,
+  I have dreams by you undreamt,
+  And--I hold you in contempt!
+
+  "Dreams of forest routs that trooped,
+    Shadowy maidens crowned with vines,
+  Dreams where Dian's self has stooped
+    Darkling 'neath the scented pines;
+  Or where he, old father Pan,
+  Took the hooves of me and ran
+  Fluting through the heart of man.
+
+  "Surely he must come again,
+    He the great, the hornéd one?
+  Shan't I caper in his train
+    Through the hours of feast and fun!"
+  And he looked with eyes of jade
+  Through the sunshine, through the shade,
+  Far beyond Marine Parade.
+
+      * * * * *
+
+  Should you go to Pebble Bay,
+    Golfing or to bathe and boat--
+  Should you see a loaded shay,
+    In the shafts a scarecrow goat,
+  Tell him that you hope (with me)
+  Pan will shortly set him free,
+  Pipe him home to Arcady.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CRICKET NOTES.
+
+Mr. P.F. WARNER has received countless expressions of regret on his
+retirement from first-class cricket. Among these he values not least a
+"round robin" from the sparrows at Lord's, all of whom he knows by name. In
+the score-book of Fate is this entry in letters of gold:
+
+  "Plum" _c_ Anno _b_ Domini 47.
+
+Long may he live to enjoy the cricket of others!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The test team of Australia being now complete, all correspondence on the
+subject of its exclusions must cease. We therefore do not print a number of
+letters asking why there is no one named Geddes on the side.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Mr. FENDER and HOBBS are said to be actuated by the same motto, "For Hearth
+and Home." Both are pledged to return covered with "the ashes."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the recent Surrey and Middlesex match Mr. SKEET bewildered the crowd by
+fielding as if he liked it. Hitherto this vulgar manifestation has been
+confined to HITCH and HENDREN.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Although so late in the season Yorkshire has great hopes of a colt named
+HIRST, who has just joined the side. He was seen bowling at Eton and was
+secured at once.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There is a strong feeling in Worcestershire that a single-wicket match
+between LEE of Middlesex and Mr. PERRIN of Essex would be a very saucy
+affair.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+AT THE PLAY.
+
+"THE UNKNOWN."
+
+Mr. SOMERSET MAUGHAM, who recently intrigued and perhaps just a little
+scandalised the town with a most engagingly flippant and piquant farce all
+about an accidentally bigamous beauty, certainly shows courage in launching
+so serious a discussion as _The Unknown_. And in the silly season too. I
+see that in a quite unlikely interview (but then all modern interviews are
+unlikely) he defends his right to discuss religion quite openly on the
+stage. Of course. Why should anybody deny that religion is to the normally
+constituted mind, whatever its doxy, an absorbingly interesting subject; or
+that the War hasn't made a breach in the barriers of British reticence?
+Whether to the point of making a perfectly good married Vicar (anxious to
+convict a doubting D.S.O. of sin) ask in a full drawing-room containing the
+Vicaress, the Doctor and the D.S.O.'s fiancée, mother and father, "For
+instance, have you always been perfectly chaste?"--I am not so sure. Nor
+whether the War has really added to bereaved _Mrs. Littlewood's_ bitter
+"And who is going to forgive God?" any added force. If that kind of
+question is to be asked at all it might have been asked, and with perhaps
+more justice, at any time within the historical period. For the War might
+reasonably be attributed by the Unknown Defendant thus starkly put upon
+trial to man's deliberate folly, whereas....
+
+No doubt, however, Mr. MAUGHAM would say the shock of war has (like any
+other great catastrophe) tested the faith of many who are personally deeply
+stricken and found it wanting, while the whisper of doubt has swelled the
+more readily as there are many to echo it. So _Major John Wharton, D.S.O.,
+M.C._, having found war, contrary to his expectation of it as the most
+glorious manly sport in the world, a "muddy, mad, stinking, bloody
+business," loses the faith of his youth and says so, not with bravado but
+with regret. The Vicar, with dignity and restraint, but without much
+understanding and not without some hoary _clichés_; his wife, with venom
+(suggesting also incidentally sound argument for the celibacy of the
+clergy); the old _Colonel_ and his sweet unselfish wife, with affection;
+and _Sylvia_, _John's_ betrothed, with a strange passion, defend the old
+faith, _Sylvia_ to the point of breaking with her lover and getting her to
+a nunnery--a business which will in the end, I should guess, lay a heavier
+burden upon the nuns than upon _John_. The indecisive battle sways hither
+and thither. It is the _Doctor_ who sums up in a compromise which would
+shock the metaphysical theologian, but may suffice for the plain man, "God
+is merciful but not omnipotent. In His age-long fight against evil we can
+help--or hinder; why not help?"
+
+The most signal thing was Miss HAIDÉE WRIGHT'S personal triumph as _Mrs.
+Littlewood_--a very fine interpretation of an interesting character. Mr.
+CHARLES V. FRANCE adds another decent Colonel to his military repertory.
+This actor always plays with distinction and with an ease of which the art
+is so cleverly concealed as perhaps to rob him of his due meed of applause
+from the unperceptive. Lady TREE made a beautiful thing of the character of
+_Mrs. Wharton_, whose simple unselfishness was the best of all Mr.
+MAUGHAM'S arguments for the defence. Mr. R.H. HIGNETT nobly restrained
+himself from making a too parsonic parson, yet kept enough of the
+distinctive flavour to excite a passionate anti-clerical behind me into
+clamorously derisive laughter; a very good piece of work. Miss O'MALLEY
+acted a difficult, almost an impossibly difficult, part with a fine
+distinction. Mr. BASIL RATHBONE'S _Major_ and Mr. BLAKISTON'S _Doctor_ were
+excellent. I am sorry to be so monotonously approving....
+
+I am not convinced that Mr. MAUGHAM'S experiment has succeeded.
+
+T.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "Mr. ---- maintained that it was extraordinuary that if he was only
+    slightly dead deceased did not hear the lorry."--_Local Paper._
+
+Most extraordinuary.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: _Generous Stranger._ "WILL YOU HAVE ANOTHER PINT? (_No
+answer._) I SAY--WILL YOU HAVE ANOTHER PINT?"
+
+_Hodge._ "DON'T 'EE ASK ZILLY QUESTIONS. ORDER IT."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE MYSTERY.
+
+George and I are two ordinary people. He studies the Weather Reports every
+day; I do occasionally. He thinks he understands meteorology; I don't. But
+lately I felt that I _must_ have some explanation of the weather, so I
+asked George to explain it.
+
+He said, "Certainly; it's quite simple. Take wind. Wind is caused by
+differences of _pressure_."
+
+"What _is_ pressure? Who is pressing what?"
+
+"Pressure is what the barometer tells you--not the thermometer; you must
+keep the thermometer out of this. Suppose it is very hot in London--"
+
+"Don't be ridiculous."
+
+"Well, suppose it is very hot at a place A--"
+
+"I thought we were keeping the thermometer out of this."
+
+"It comes in indirectly. But don't keep interrupting. If it is very hot at
+the place A, the air at A rises. You see?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Obviously it does. If you light a candle--"
+
+"Yes, yes, I do see that. Don't begin about candles."
+
+"Well, the result of that is that there is less _pressure_ at A. In other
+words, there is more room for the air to move about. When that happens the
+air at the place B--"
+
+"Where is that?"
+
+"Oh anywhere. I told you to think of two places, A and B."
+
+"No, you told me to think of a place A, and I am still thinking of it,
+because it is very hot there."
+
+"Well, this is another place, where the pressure is simply frightful. When
+the air rises at A the air from B rushes over to A to fill up the gap, and
+that is what we call wind."
+
+"I see."
+
+"No, you don't. It isn't quite so simple as that. Now, the atoms of air
+rushing from B to A don't go _straight_ there, but they travel in--in sort
+of _circles_."
+
+"Why do they do that?"
+
+"Well, the fact is that these atoms are so keen to get over to A, where
+there is plenty of room, that they jostle each other, and that makes them
+go round and round. If they go round and round _against_ the clock, like
+that, they are called cyclones, or depressions, or low-pressure systems. If
+they go with the clock, like that, it is an anti-cyclone."
+
+"Oh!"
+
+"What do you mean--'Oh'?"
+
+"What I said; but go on."
+
+"Now suppose this air--"
+
+"Which air?"
+
+"The air from B. Suppose it is travelling in a cyclone--"
+
+"But isn't a cyclone a low-pressure thingummy?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"And didn't you say that B was a high-pressure place?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Then how does the air coming from B manage to be low-pressure stuff?"
+
+"I see what you mean. There _is_ an explanation, but it would take too long
+to hazard it now. Suppose the air is coming from B in an anti-cyclone, then
+..."
+
+"All right. I'll suppose that."
+
+"... it rushes over to A and fills up the gap. There is more pressure at A
+and the barometer goes up--"
+
+"Is it fine then?"
+
+"No, it rains. You see, the air from B is colder than the air at A was
+before the air came from B."
+
+"I _don't_ see."
+
+"Well, obviously it _must_ be."
+
+"How 'obviously'?"
+
+"Well, the whole thing started with it being very hot at A, you remember,
+so that the air rose. If it had been hotter still at B just then the air
+would have risen at B instead, and it couldn't have rushed over to A.
+There'd have been a frightful muddle."
+
+"There is."
+
+"Well, it's your own fault for interrupting. This air, then--"
+
+"Which air is this?"
+
+"The air from B. The air from B cools the air at A--"
+
+"But I thought the air at A had risen."
+
+"Not all of it. And that makes it rain."
+
+"Why?"
+
+"Oh, well, I can't go into that. It's something to do with condensation.
+Air absorbs more moisture when it is hot than when it is cold--"
+
+"So do I. I understand that."
+
+"When the air cools the water condenses."
+
+"Is it fine then?"
+
+"No, it rains, you fool."
+
+"When is it fine?"
+
+"Wait a bit. The falling of the rain of course generates heat--"
+
+"Why 'of course'?"
+
+"I can't explain _exactly_, but you know perfectly well that it's always
+warmer on a cold day after the rain."
+
+"Yes, but not on a hot day."
+
+"Yes, it is."
+
+"No, it isn't."
+
+"It is, really. Anyhow, this is a cold day."
+
+"No, it isn't. You said it was very hot at A."
+
+"I'm not going to argue. You must take it from me that rain generates
+heat."
+
+"All right. Is it fine then?"
+
+"No. Heat being generated the air rises. The result of that is that there
+is less _pressure_ at A--"
+
+"Is it fine then?"
+
+"I've explained already what happens then. The air from B--"
+
+"Do we begin all over again now?"
+
+"More or less, yes."
+
+"So that at this place, A, it's always raining or just going to rain?"
+
+"Yes, if it starts by being hot there, as it did just now, I suppose it
+is."
+
+"What happens if it starts by being cold?"
+
+"It rains. I've explained that. The cold air can't contain so much
+moisture--"
+
+"Don't begin that again. What about B? Is it any good going there? We had
+frightfully high pressure there at one time."
+
+"Yes, but it rains so much at A that more and more air rushes from B to A
+to fill up the gap caused by the air rising on account of the heat
+generated by the rain falling, and very soon you get frightfully low
+pressure at B--"
+
+"Is it fine then?"
+
+"No, it rains."
+
+"You surprise me. But suppose it had started by being low pressure at B?"
+
+"Why, then of course it would have been raining the whole time at B."
+
+"Where would A have got its rush of air from then?"
+
+"From the place C."
+
+"Is it fine there?"
+
+"No, it's raining. It is like B was after the air rose at A."
+
+"Oh. Then whatever happens at these places, A, B and C, it _must_ rain."
+
+"More or less, yes. More really."
+
+"Are there any more places? I mean, if I am at A where ought I to go?"
+
+"There is a place, D--"
+
+"What happens there?"
+
+"Conditions are favourable for the formation of secondary depressions."
+
+"Then where do you advise me to go?"
+
+"I'm not advising you. You asked me to explain the weather, and I have."
+
+"I think you have. I understand it now."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I hope you all do.
+
+A.P.H.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "Sir,--I can recall no better description of a gentleman than this--
+
+    'A gentleman is one who never gives offence unintentionally.'
+
+    Unfortunately I do not know to whom tribute should be paid for this
+    very neat and apt definition."--_Letter in Daily Paper._
+
+We rather think the printer had a hand in it.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE DIFFICULTY OF OBTAINING THE CORRECT ATMOSPHERE AT
+COUNTRY WEDDINGS, OWING TO THE CHANGED CONDITIONS OF VILLAGE LIFE, HAS LED
+MESSRS. HARRIDGES TO COME TO AN ARRANGEMENT WITH THE CHORUS OF THE
+FRIVOLITY THEATRE TO ATTEND AND FURNISH THE REQUISITE NOTE OF PICTURESQUE
+SIMPLICITY. TERMS ON APPLICATION.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: _Guide_ (_after ascent of a hundred-and-twenty steps_).
+"THESE, SIR, ARE THE FAMOUS GARGOYLES I MENTIONED."
+
+_Perspiring American._ "GEE! I THOUGHT YOU SAID 'GARGLES.'"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE TRANSMIGRATION OF BOWLES.
+
+Little Mr. Bowles was very happy as long as he was only second mechanic at
+the garage of Messrs. Smith Brothers, of High Street, Puddlesby. It was
+when he became a member of the Puddlesby Psychical Society that his
+troubles began. Up till then he had been as sober and hard-working a little
+man as ever stood four foot ten in his shoes and weighed in at seven stone
+four. But above all he was an expert in rubber tyres; he knew them, I had
+almost said, by instinct.
+
+The Puddlesby Psychical Society believes in the Transmigration of Souls. As
+I am not a member myself I'm afraid that that is all I can tell you about
+it. It is a little difficult at first sight, perhaps, to see the connection
+between Transmigration and rubber tyres, but if you will have patience I
+think I can promise to show you _that_ at least.
+
+One night our Mr. Bowles came home late from a meeting of the P.P.S., fell
+asleep at once and had what he regarded as a "transmigratory experience in
+a retrogressive sense." The world was not the world he knew. He perceived
+that it was sundown on the 8th of August, 1215, that he was no longer plain
+Bowles, but rather Sir Bors the Bowless, Knight of the Artful Arm, and
+known to his intimates as "The Fire-eater"; that he had just been
+challenged to fight his seven hundred and forty-seventh fight, and (for the
+seven hundred and forty-seventh time) he had accepted. He soon added to the
+stock of his information the fact that, as the challenged party, he had the
+choice of time, place and weapons.
+
+He was naturally a little perturbed at first, for the most formidable
+warrior that he ever remembered fighting was his little sister, whose hair
+he had pulled when they were children, and the biggest thing he had ever
+killed was undoubtedly the hen that he had run over on the Boodle Road. He
+felt inclined, therefore, in the first flush of terror, to propose as the
+time 1925, as the place Puddlesby Football Field, and as the weapon,
+motor-tyre valve pins, at two hundred yards. He even got as far as
+mentioning these conditions to his friend Sir Hugh the Hairy, who, however,
+did not seem particularly struck with the suggestion, but made a counter-
+proposal of maces on horseback at the neighbouring lists in three days'
+time.
+
+Before our hero knew what he was about he found that he had agreed. He got
+through a deal of heavy thinking on his way home to his castle, but had
+fortunately completed his plan of campaign before he arrived, for the
+esquire of his enemy was awaiting him there, demanding to know the details
+of the coming contest. He made the conditions suggested by Sir Hugh, merely
+adding that the maces must be smooth and not knobbed, as was customary in
+the better-class combats of that day.
+
+He then began to make his preparations. At first he was considerably
+depressed by the entire absence of all rubber, until dire necessity
+compelled him to find a serviceable substitute in the shape of untanned
+ox-skins. These he carefully sewed together with his own knightly hands,
+coating the stitches over with pitch and resin. He was a good workman and
+did not fail to be ready in time.
+
+When the hour of combat arrived he vanished into the painted pavilion
+reserved for him at one end of the lists, accompanied only by his faithful
+esquire. Hastily he donned his suiting of reinforced ox-hide, which covered
+the whole of his person from head to foot, and hung stiffly in folds all
+round him. Then, holding out a metal tube which was attached to the front
+of the costume, he presented it to his esquire, saying in the vernacular of
+those stout times--
+
+"Ho, varlet! Blow me down yon hole till there be no more breath in thy vile
+bodie. Blow me hard and leally. Blow an thou burst in ye blowinge."
+
+Whereupon the trusty varlet blew.
+
+Thus it fell out that when the trumpet sounded and the Black Baron of
+Beaumaris, his foe, rode forth from his sable pavilion, armed cap-à-pie in
+a suit of highly-polished steel and bestriding a black and rather
+over-dressed charger, he saw through the chinks of his lowered visor an
+object which he would undoubtedly have mistaken for a diminutive
+observation balloon if he had lived a few centuries later. In short, Sir
+Bowles, having been sufficiently inflated by his now exhausted esquire, had
+inserted his valve-pin into the tube (which he had tucked away and laced up
+like an association football), and now emerged upon the lists with a
+feeling of elation that he had not experienced for several days.
+
+They approached each other. It was with some difficulty that our hero
+wielded his mace, owing, first, to the inflated condition of his right arm,
+and, secondly, to the unaccustomed weight of the weapon. His hold also upon
+his curvetting steed was a little precarious, and he hoped that no one in
+the crowd would notice the string that tied his legs together beneath the
+horse's belly.
+
+If the Baron was surprised at what he saw he made no sign, but, riding
+straight at his strange antagonist, he dealt him a mighty blow on the left
+side of the head, which had quite an unlooked-for result. The string which
+attached our hero's legs held, it is true, but he naturally lost his
+balance, and, being knocked to the right, disappeared temporarily from the
+Baron's view. But the force of his swing was such that, at the moment when
+he was head downwards under the horse, he still had enough way on to bring
+him up again on the other side. No sooner had he regained a vertical
+position than the Baron repeated the blow on the same spot and with the
+same result.
+
+Then the same thing happened again and again; and indeed Sir Bowles might
+have revolved indefinitely, to the intense delight of the distinguished
+audience, had not the string broken at the thirty-fourth revolution.
+
+Now the involuntary movements of our hero had accelerated at every turn,
+and when finally he parted company with his trusty steed he was going very
+fast indeed. Falling near the edge of the lists, he found touch, first
+bounce, in the Royal Box, whence some officious persons rolled him back
+again into the field of play.
+
+It must not be supposed that poor Sir Bowles was comfortable during these
+proceedings. The rather ingenious apparatus whereby he had hoped to catch a
+glimpse of his adversary had got out of order at the first onslaught, and
+he was in total darkness. Moreover, he soon discovered that the haughty
+Baron was taking all sorts of liberties with him; was slogging him round
+the lists; in short, was playing polo with him.
+
+But apart from the physical and mental discomfort of his situation he was
+not actually hurt, and at length he felt himself come to rest. The Baron,
+worn out by his unproductive labours, was thinking.
+
+So was Bowles. He was just saying to himself, "Thank heaven I thought of
+choosing _smooth_ maces. A spike would have punctured the cover in no
+time," when he felt something which made his hair stand on end.
+
+His enemy was fumbling at the lacing of his tunic!
+
+Then poor little Sir Bowles gave himself up for lost and almost swooned
+away. He felt the Baron undo the lace and pull out the tube. There was a
+perplexed pause....
+
+And just as the Baron was pulling out the valve pin little Mr. Bowles woke
+with a shriek.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I suppose it was the fact that he had come straight from a symposium on
+transmigration that made little Bowles imagine he had been recurring to a
+previous existence. I myself should have thought that the rules of the game
+required the reincarnation of Sir Bors to be a rather more bloodthirsty and
+pugnacious person than our hero; and the sequel seems to prove that little
+Bowles thought the same. I think he felt he was not quite the man for this
+sort of rough work, even in the retrospect of dreams. Anyway, shortly after
+his painful experience he withdrew his subscription from the Puddlesby
+Psychical Society and ceased for ever to assist at their séances.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: _Wicket-keeper_ (_by way of shewing sympathy to victim of
+demon bowler_). "RUM GAME, CRICKET."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    THE OVERLAND ROUTE.
+
+    "MAIL AND STEAMSHIP NEWS.
+
+    Morea, Bombay for London, at Verseilles, 8th."--_Scottish Paper._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "James ----, a boy of 13, was charged at Belgium, Greece, V and Czecho-
+    Slovakia, and pleaded that he took the money because he felt he must
+    have some amusement."--_Evening Paper._
+
+The little Bolshevist!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A "Historic Estate" is announced for sale in the following terms by a
+contemporary:--
+
+    "In the Heart of the Albrighton Country, and in direst railway
+    communication with Birmingham, Wolverhampton, Manchester, Bristol and
+    other northern and western centres."
+
+Evidently a case where evil communications corrupt good spelling.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+From a feuilleton:--
+
+    "Before the podgy dealer knew what had happened, she had sprung right
+    round him, seized the telephone instrument and placed her mouth to the
+    receiver. She smiled at him defiantly. 'Yes, I will,' she panted."--
+    _Daily Paper._
+
+And then, we suppose, she wrote to the POSTMASTER-GENERAL to complain of
+the inefficiency of the service.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: _Junior Partner of Firm_ (_exempted on business grounds
+during the War, interviewing applicant for employment, a demobilised
+officer, D.S.O., M.C., mentioned twice in despatches and wounded three
+times_). "YOU SAY YOU WERE THREE-AND-A-HALF YEARS IN FRANCE AND YET DON'T
+SPEAK THE LANGUAGE? IT SEEMS TO ME YOU WASTED YOUR TIME ABROAD, SIR."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CHANGES IN CLUB-LAND.
+
+(_By a Student of Manners._)
+
+The Roman satirist sang of poets reciting their verses in the month of
+August. If he were alive now he would find as fruitful a subject in the
+renovations and decorations of Clubland. Clubs are strange institutions;
+they go in for Autumn not Spring cleaning. Happily all Clubs are not
+renovated at the same time, otherwise the destitution of members would be
+pitiful to contemplate. Even as it is the temporary accommodation offered
+by their neighbours is not unattended by serious drawbacks. The standard of
+efficiency in bridge and billiards is not the same; the cuisine of one
+Club, though admirable in itself, may not suit the digestions of members of
+another; the opportunities for repose vary considerably. In short, August
+and September are trying months for the clubman who is obliged to remain in
+London. But by October Pall Mall is itself again, and we are glad to be
+able to state that in certain Clubs the amenities and comforts available
+will be greatly enhanced.
+
+For example the Megatherium, which is now in the hands of the decorators,
+is being painted a pale pink outside, a colour which recent experiments
+have shown to exert a peculiarly humanising and tranquillising influence on
+persons of an irritable disposition. A sumptuous dormitory is being erected
+on the top floor, where slow music will be discoursed every afternoon, from
+three to seven, by a Czecho-Slovak orchestra. A roof-garden is being laid
+out for the recreation of the staff, and the velocity of the numerous lifts
+has been keyed up to concert pitch. Steam heat will be conveyed from the
+basement to radiators on every floor, and each room is being provided with
+a vacuum-cleaning apparatus, a wireless telephonic outfit and an American
+bar. The renovation of the library is practically complete, the obsolete
+books which cumbered its shelves having been replaced by the works of DELL,
+BARCLAY, WELLS, ZANE GREY and BENNETT. Three interesting rumours about the
+future of the Club may be given with due reserve--the first, that in the
+near future women will be admitted to membership; the second, that Lord
+Ascliffe has obtained a complete control of its resources; and the third,
+that its name will be shortly changed to "Alfred's," on the analogy of
+"Arthur's."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+From Smith Minor's French Paper:
+
+    "Translate 'La femme avait une chatte qui était très méchante.'--'The
+    farmer was having a chat with thirteen merchants.'"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "Archbishop Mannix ... says he can go anywhere in England except to
+    Liverpool, Manchester, Glasgow and possibly Fishguard."--_Daily
+    Mirror._
+
+Another injustice to Scotland.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "But this Bill creates new grounds for the dissolution of the marriage
+    bond, which are unknown to the law of Scotland. Cruelty, incurable
+    sanity, or habitual drunkenness are proposed as separate grounds of
+    divorce."--_Scotch Paper._
+
+And so many Scotsmen are incurably sane.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE PROBLEM.
+
+POLAND (_to Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, organizer of the Human Chess Tournament_).
+"HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY THE GAME? I WAS LED TO BELIEVE I WAS TO BE A
+QUEEN, BUT I FIND I'M ONLY A PAWN."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
+
+[Illustration: GOING TO THE COUNTRY?
+
+"I think it would be a calamity if we did anything to prevent the economic
+use of charabancs."--_Sir ERIC GEDDES._
+
+_First "Banc."_ Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, Mr. BONAR LAW, Mr. BALFOUR, Mr.
+CHAMBERLAIN, Mr. CHURCHILL.
+
+_Second "Banc."_ Sir E. GEDDES, Mr. SHORTT, Mr. LONG, Sir ROBERT HORNE,
+Col. AMERY.
+
+_Third "Banc."_ Mr. ILLINGWORTH, Lord E. TALBOT, Mr. FISHER, Dr. ADDISON,
+Sir GORDON HEWART.
+
+_Fourth "Banc."_ Mr. KELLAWAY, Sir M. BARLOW, Sir L. WORTHINGTON EVANS, Sir
+A.G. BOSCAWEN, Mr. TOWYN JONES.
+
+_Fifth "Banc."_ Sir HAMAR GREENWOOD, Mr. BALDWIN, Sir JAMES CRAIG, Mr.
+DENIS HENRY, Mr. NEAL.
+
+_Sixth "Banc."_ Mr. MONTAGU, Dr. MACNAMARA, Mr. MCCURDY, Mr. IAN
+MACPHERSON, Sir A. MOND.]
+
+_Monday, August, 9th._--In an atmosphere of appropriate gloom the House of
+Lords discussed the latest Coercion Bill for Ireland. Even the LORD
+CHANCELLOR could say little more for the measure than that it might
+possibly enable some of the persons now in custody to be tried; and most of
+the other Peers who spoke seemed to think that it would be either
+mischievous or useless. The only confident opinion expressed was that of
+the elderly Privy Councillor, who from the steps of the Throne ejaculated,
+"If you pass this Bill you may kill England, not Ireland." But despite this
+unconventional warning the Peers took the risk.
+
+The event of the day in the House of Commons was Colonel WEDGWOOD'S tie. Of
+ample dimensions and of an ultra-scarlet hue that even a London and
+South-Western Railway porter might envy, it dominated the proceedings
+throughout Question-time. Beside it Mr. CLAUDE LOWTHER'S pink shirt paled
+its ineffectual fires.
+
+When Viscount CURZON renewed his anti-charabancs campaign and Sir ERIC
+GEDDES was doing his best to maintain an even mind amid the contradictory
+suggestions showered upon him, the Ministerial eye was caught by the red
+gleam from Colonel WEDGWOOD'S shirt-front. At once, the old railway
+instinct reasserted itself. Recognizing the danger-signal and hastily
+cramming on his brakes, Sir ERIC observed that it would be "a great
+calamity" to prevent the economic use of the charabancs.
+
+_Tuesday, August 10th._--As Lord Great Chamberlain, and therefore official
+custodian of the Palace of Westminster, Lord LINCOLNSHIRE mentioned with
+due solemnity the regrettable incident of the day before. Lord CURZON
+thought the offender (the Right Hon. A. CARLISLE) should be allowed to
+explain his behaviour, and suggested that he should himself address to him
+a suitable letter. Several noble lords--anticipating, no doubt, that,
+whatever else came of it, the correspondence would furnish lively
+reading--said "Hear, hear."
+
+A week ago the Peers decided by a very small majority--28 to 23--that there
+should be no Minister of Mines, but only an Under-Secretary. Lord PEEL now
+sought to induce them to change their minds. His principal argument was
+that a Minister would only cost five hundred pounds a year more than a
+Secretary and would secure the "harmony in the coal-trade" now so
+conspicuously lacking. The Peers evidently thought this too good to be
+true, for they proceeded to reassert their previous decision by 48 to 23.
+
+[Illustration: A DISTINGUISHED STRANGER.
+
+M. KRASSIN CONTEMPLATES THE COMMONS.]
+
+There was a big assemblage in the Commons to hear the PRIME MINISTER'S
+statement on Poland. The Duke of YORK was over the Clock, flanked by the
+Archbishop of CANTERBURY on one side and Messrs. KAMENEFF and KRASSIN (who
+sound, but do not look, like a music-hall "turn") on the other.
+
+Some facts bearing, more or less, on the situation were revealed at
+Question-time. Mr. CHURCHILL denied that he had ever suggested an alliance
+with the Germans against Bolshevism, and, as we are keeping the Watch on
+the Rhine with only thirteen thousand men--just three thousand more than it
+takes to garrison London--perhaps it is just as well. He has, I gathered,
+no great opinion of the Bolshevists as soldiers. In his endeavour to
+describe the disgust of our troops in North Russia at being ordered to
+retire before "an enemy they cordially despised" he nearly dislocated his
+upper lip.
+
+For two-thirds of his speech the PRIME MINISTER was the sober statesman,
+discussing with due solemnity the grave possibilities of the Russo-Polish
+crisis. The Poles had been rash and must take the consequences. We should
+not help them unless the Bolshevists, not content with punishment,
+threatened the extinction of Poland's independence.
+
+Then his mood changed, and for a sparkling quarter of an hour he chaffed
+the Labour Party for its support of the Soviet Government, an
+unrepresentative self-appointed oligarchy. To make his point he even
+sacrificed a colleague. LENIN was an aristocrat, TROTSKY a journalist. "In
+fact"--turning to Mr. CHURCHILL--"my right honourable friend is an
+embodiment of both."
+
+A brief struggle for precedence between Mr. ASQUITH and Mr. ADAMSON ended
+in favour of the EX-PREMIER, who doubted whether the best way to ensure
+peace was to attack one of the parties to the dispute, and proceeded to
+make things more or less even by vigorously chiding Poland for her
+aggression. Mr. CLYNES, while admitting that the Labour Party would have to
+reconsider its position if the independence of Poland was threatened, still
+maintained that we had not played a straight game from Russia.
+
+Later on, through the medium of Lieut.-Commander KENWORTHY, communication
+was established between the Treasury Bench and the Distinguished Strangers'
+Gallery. Mr. LLOYD GEORGE read the terms offered by the Soviet to the
+Poles, and gave them a guarded approval.
+
+_Wednesday, August 11th._--A Bill to prohibit ready-money betting on
+football matches was introduced by Lord GAINFORD (who played for Cambridge
+forty years ago) and supported by Lord MEATH, "a most enthusiastic player"
+of a still earlier epoch. The Peers could not resist the pleading of these
+experts and gave the Bill a second reading; but when Lord GAINFORD proposed
+to rush it through goal straightaway his course was barred by Lord
+BIRKENHEAD, an efficient Lord "Keeper."
+
+A proposal for the erection at the public expense of a statue of the late
+Mr. JOSEPH CHAMBERLAIN furnished occasion for the PRIME MINISTER and Mr.
+ASQUITH to indulge in generous praise of a political opponent. Mr. LLOYD
+GEORGE (with his eye on the Sovietists) pointed out that, as this was
+"essentially a Parliamentary country," we did well to honour "a great
+Parliamentarian"; and the EX-PREMIER (with his eye on Mr. LLOYD GEORGE)
+selected for special note among Mr. CHAMBERLAIN'S characteristics that he
+had "no blurred edges."
+
+A humdrum debate on the Consolidation Fund Bill was interrupted by the
+startling news that France had decided, in direct opposition to the policy
+announced yesterday by the PRIME MINISTER, to give immediate recognition to
+General WRANGEL. Mr. LLOYD GEORGE expressed his "surprise and anxiety" and
+could only suppose that there had been an unfortunate misunderstanding. To
+give time for its removal the House decided to postpone its holiday and
+adjourned till Monday.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MORE HEADACHES FOR THE HISTORIAN.
+
+Messrs. KAMENEFF and KRASSIN, the Soviet envoys, were in the Distinguished
+Strangers' Gallery during the PRIME MINISTER'S speech on Poland last week.
+Hence these tears:--
+
+    "In conversation they seem to betray only a limited acquaintance with
+    English, but every word of Mr. Lloyd George's utterance seemed
+    intelligible to them. Not only did they follow him with eager interest,
+    but often with animated comment."--_Evening Standard_.
+
+    "The two did not exchange a single remark during the whole of the
+    Premier's speech." _Evening News_.
+
+    "Krassin could follow every word of Lloyd George. His colleague doesn't
+    speak or understand English, so Krassin every few minutes leaned over
+    and whispered a translation into the other's ear."--_Star_.
+
+    "The Soviet envoys, especially M. Krassin, seemed somewhat restless,
+    and appeared to take more interest in the scene than in the speech, but
+    this I heard attributed to their difficulty in following the words of
+    the Prime Minister."--_Pall Mall Gazette_.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+BLEWITT ON REAL PROPERTY.
+
+_229th ed., folio, 2 vols._ (_Sour and Taxwell, 85s._).
+
+All persons interested in this entrancing subject will welcome the new
+edition of Mr. Blewitt's famous work. The book is one which should be found
+on every shelf throughout the country, and is undoubtedly, in its
+combination of erudition and artistic merit, one of the masterpieces of
+English literature. It has been well described by a more competent critic
+as one which "it is difficult to take up when once you have put it down,"
+and in this judgment most readers will, we believe, concur.
+
+It seems needless for us to say anything about so well-known a work, and to
+say anything new is, we believe, impossible. Mr. Blewitt is invariably
+happy in his choice of subject, and in this treatise on _Real Property_ his
+sparkling wit, his light style and clearness of expression do ample justice
+to the perennial freshness of his subject. The reader is swiftly carried
+from situation to situation and thrill follows thrill with daring rapidity.
+The plot is of the simplest, but worked out with surprising skill, while
+the events are related with that vivid imagination which the subject
+demands. Who is there that does not feel a glow of exaltation and rejoice
+with the heir when he comes, upon reversion, into the property from which
+he has been so long excluded? Mr. Blewitt treats this incident with a sense
+of romance and picturesqueness of language reminiscent of the ballad of
+"The Lord of Lynn." In its facts the ballad bears a striking resemblance to
+those so graphically described by our author, but in point of execution
+lacks the true breath of poetic inspiration which pervades Mr. Blewitt's
+book.
+
+Nor is his work wanting in pathos. There are few who will not sympathise
+with the hero when he discovers that the life-estate of the fair widow whom
+he adores with all the fierce yearnings of his passionate soul is subject
+to a collateral limitation to widowhood. Mr. Blewitt's silence on the
+disappointment which embittered his spirit and the doubts which tormented
+his mind is more eloquent than any soliloquy of _Hamlet_.
+
+It is not however in description but in characterisation that Mr. Blewitt
+is pre-eminent. We know of nothing in works of this nature to equal the
+skilful psychological analysis, the sympathy of treatment and the fidelity
+to nature with which the author draws line by line the character of Q. The
+description of him as seised in fee simple is a touch of genius. We can
+remember nothing in the English language to compare with this unless it be
+that brilliant passage in which Mr. Blewitt sketches in a few lightning
+strokes the character of Richard Roe, a man at once pugnacious,
+overbearing, litigious and utterly regardless of truth and honesty.
+
+The learned editors have rendered a great service to the cause of learning
+in publishing this new edition. The editing is very creditable to English
+scholarship. The additional matter is a new note on page 1069, in which the
+reader is referred to an article in a recent number of the _Timbuctoo Law
+Review_, which, in fairness to the editor (of _Real Property_), is not, of
+course, quoted here. The student will, we have no doubt, feel himself fully
+recompensed by this new matter for the price of the new volumes and the
+depreciation of the 228th edition.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: NERVES ON THE GREEN.
+
+_Irascible Golfer._ "CONFOUND IT! WHAT _IS_ THAT INFERNAL OIL-ENGINE OR
+SOMETHING THAT BEGINS THUMPING WHENEVER I AM PUTTING?"
+
+_Caddie._ "I THINK IT MUST BE T'OTHER GENTLEMAN'S 'EART, SIR."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"NEW MOTOR-BUS SERVICES.
+
+    Residents in the area between the county town and ---- are now able to
+    do their shopping at either place with the maximum of inconvenience so
+    far as travel is concerned."--_Provincial Paper._
+
+Just as in London.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+GISH-JINGLE.
+
+    [_The Times_ in a recent article on events in the Film world announces
+    the impending arrival in Europe of Miss DOROTHY GISH, adding, however,
+    that the visit is mainly undertaken for recreation.]
+
+  Let others discourse and descant
+    Upon MANNIX the martyr archbish,
+  Me rather it pleases to chant
+    The arrival of DOROTHY GISH.
+
+  Among the _élite_ of the Screen
+    She holds an exalted posit.;
+  But in Europe she never has been
+    Hitherto, hasn't DOROTHY GISH.
+
+  And it's well to consider aright
+    That she harbours the laudable wish
+  For a holiday, not for the light
+    Of the lime, does Miss DOROTHY GISH.
+
+  None the less with the wildest surmise
+    Do I muse on the bountiful dish
+  Of sensation purveyed for the wise
+    And the foolish by DOROTHY GISH.
+
+         * * * * *
+
+  Will you strengthen the hands of LLOYD GEORGE
+    Or frown on the poor Coalit.?
+  Will you force profiteers to disgorge,
+    Beneficent DOROTHY GISH?
+
+  Do you hold by self-governing schools?
+    Do you think that headmasters should swish
+  Or adopt Montessorian rules,
+    Benevolent DOROTHY GISH?
+
+  Will they give you an Oxford degree?
+    Will you learn to call marmalade "squish"?
+  Will KENWORTHY ask you to tea
+    On the Terrace, great DOROTHY GISH?
+
+  Do you favour the Russ or the Pole?
+    Will you visit the Servians at Nish?
+  Are you sound on the subject of coal?
+    Are you Pussyfoot, DOROTHY GISH?
+
+  Are you going to be terribly mobbed
+    When attending the concerts of KRISH?
+  Are your tresses luxuriant or "bobbed"?
+    Do tell us, kind DOROTHY GISH!
+
+  Meanwhile we are moody and mad,
+    Like SAUL the descendant of KISH,
+  Oh, arrive and make everyone glad,
+    Delectable DOROTHY GISH!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "Wanted, Lady Clerk; one accustomed to milk ledgers preferred."--_New
+    Zealand Paper._
+
+But how does one milk a ledger?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE BLUE MOUNTAINS.
+
+                  A SOUTH INDIAN LOVESONG.
+
+  When the long trick's wearing over and a spell of leave comes due
+  The most'll go back to Blighty to see if their dreams are true;
+  There's some that'll make for the Athol glens and some for the Sussex
+      downs,
+  There's some that'll cling to the country and some that'll turn to towns;
+  But _I_ know what _I_'ll do, and I'll do it right or wrong,
+  I'll just get back to the Blue Mountains, for that's where I belong.
+
+  Athol's a bonny country and Sussex is good to see,
+  But it's long since I left Blighty and I'm not what I used to be;
+  And May in Devon's a marvel and June on Tummel's fine,
+  And that may be most folk's fancy, but it somehow isn't mine;
+  For _I_ know what _I_ like, and the Land of Heart's Delight
+  For me is just on the Blue Mountains, for that's where I feel right.
+
+  So I'll pack my box and bedding in the old South Indian mail
+  And wake to a dawn in Salem ghostly and grey and pale,
+  And over by Avanashi and the levels of Coimbatore
+  I'll see them hung in the tinted sky and I won't ask for more;
+  For _I_'ll know I'm happy and I'll make my morning prayer
+  Of thanks for the sun on the Blue Mountains and me to be going there.
+
+  The little mountain railway shall serve me for all I need,
+  Crawling its way to Adderly, crawling to Runnymede;
+  And the scent of the gums shall cheer me like the sight of a journey's
+      end,
+  And the breeze shall say to me "Brother" and the hills shall hail me
+      "Friend,"
+  While the clear Kateri River sings lovesongs in my ear,
+  And I'll feel "Now I'm home again! Ah! but I'm welcome here."
+
+  Clear in the opal sunset I shall see the Kundahs lie
+  And the sweep of the hills shall fill my heart as the roll of the Downs
+      my eye;
+  And I'll see Snowdon and Staircase and the green of the Lovedale Wood,
+  And the dear sun shining on Ooty, and oh! but I'll find it good;
+  For _I_'ll have what _I_ wanted, and all the worrying done,
+  Because I'm back to the Blue Mountains and they and I are one.
+
+  There's peace beyond understanding, solace beyond desire
+  For minds that are over-weary, for bodies that toil and tire,
+  And over all that a something, a something that says, "You know,
+  It's the one place of all places where the gods meant _you_ to go."
+  Well, the gods know what _they_ know, and I wouldn't say them nay,
+  And Blighty of course is Blighty, but it's terribly far away,
+  So I'll get back to the Blue Mountains, and the betting is, I'll stay.
+
+  H.B.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CRICKET IN WAILS--A HOWLING SUCCESS.
+
+    "E.H. ---- bawled consistently for the visitors, taking seven wickets
+    of 168."--_Welsh Paper._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+WHAT TO DO WITH OUR BOYS.
+
+As a sufferer from the prevailing complaint, house-famine, I have started a
+Correspondence Bureau, ostensibly for advising parents as to the pursuits
+their offspring should take up, but really for propaganda purposes, the
+object being the assuagement of this terrible evil.
+
+Consequently my replies to inquiries are all moulded to this end.
+
+For instance, one mother wrote from Surbiton:--
+
+"My second son, Algernon, wishes to become a house and estate agent. Do
+please tell me if you think this quite a fitting avocation for one whose
+father is a member of the Stock Exchange."
+
+I replied, "Quite. There is no nobler, and incidentally there are few more
+lucrative occupations outside Bradford, unless it be that of a builder, in
+which the scope is absolutely unlimited. I am enclosing a copy of last
+week's _Builder and Architect_, in which you will find some great thoughts
+expressed. Pray let Algernon read it. It may be the means of inducing him
+to perform great deeds for England's sake."
+
+Another fond parent wrote:--
+
+"Can you advise an anxious mother as to a career for her only son, John
+William? He is at present eight and a-half years old, has blue eyes and
+fair hair and is a perfect darling, so good and obedient, but he is firmly
+resolved to be a lift-man when he grows up."
+
+I answered her soothingly thus:--
+
+"John Willie is rather young to have made a final decision, I think. Let
+his youthful aspirations run through the usual stages, liftman, engine-
+driver, bus-conductor, sailor, etc. At fifteen or so he will have left
+these behind, and for the next few years will probably settle down to the
+idea of being nothing in particular, or else a professional cricketer. Then
+he will suddenly, for good or evil, make his choice. Neither his blue eyes
+nor his fair hair give any clue as to what that choice will be, but I
+should let him keep both, as they may be useful to him.
+
+"If he should determine upon a career involving manual work, I should take
+steps to have him initiated into the Art and Mystery of Bricklaying. At the
+rate we are moving the working-hours would probably be about eight per
+week, with approximately eight pounds per day salary, by the time he
+arrives at bricklaying maturity.
+
+"It is difficult to say yet whether he would have to graduate in Commerce
+before being eligible, but probably it would be necessary, as the best
+bricklayers, I'm told, always carry a mortar-board, and there is a sort of
+caucus in these plummy professions nowadays that is anxious to keep
+outsiders from joining their ranks. But the country needs bricklayers, and
+will go on needing them for years. Let John Willie step forward when he is
+old enough."
+
+To the mother who asked if I considered that her youngest boy would be well
+advised to adopt the Housebreaking profession I wrote:--
+
+"To which part of this profession do you refer? If to the Burgling branch I
+would ask, 'Has he the iron nerve, the indomitable will, above all has he
+the brain power for this exacting craft? Can he stand the exposure to the
+night air, the exposure before an Assize jury, and the rigours of the
+Portland stone quarries?' If so, let him take a course of illustrated
+lectures at the cinema.
+
+"If you refer to the other branch, the mere pulling down of houses, I say,
+'No! A thousand times, no!' He should be taught that there is a crying need
+for a constructive, not a destructive policy. Let him adopt one; buy him
+drawing-paper and a tee-square at once, and teach him that the noblest work
+of creation is (unless it be a bricklayer or builder) an architect. Though
+the War is over we must still keep the home fires burning. This implies
+chimneys, and chimneys imply houses, and few there be that can plan houses
+that will both please the eye and pass the local authorities."
+
+Lady Jubb wrote from Toffley Hall, Blankshire, to say that her elder son
+(seventeen) had no ideas for the future beyond becoming Master of the
+Barchester when he grew up, but that she was anxious that he should try for
+some more lucrative post, official preferred.
+
+I replied thus:--
+
+"So your son looks no higher than a Mastership of Foxhounds. Well, well, I
+suppose that so long as there are such things as hounds he, as well as
+another, may take on the job of Master.
+
+"But I thoroughly approve of your desire that he should try for something
+higher in life, especially for some official post; and what official post
+is or can be superior to that of a Borough Surveyor? Can you not persuade
+him that this great office is what one chooses to make it, and that, as an
+autocrat, the M.F.H. is hardly to be compared to the B.S., for, whereas the
+former can at the most scorch the few people foolish enough to remain
+within ear-shot, the latter can with a breath damn a whole row of houses
+and blast the careers of an army of builders with a word."
+
+And so the propaganda proceeds.
+
+If my efforts result in even one house being erected I shall, I think, have
+earned my O.B.E., though I would rather have the house.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: _My Lady Bountiful._ "SO YOUR MOTHER IS BETTER THROUGH
+TAKING THE QUININE I GAVE HER?"
+
+_Little Girl_ (_doing her best to carry out instructions_). "YES'M. BUT SHE
+SAYS SHE'S WORSE OF THE COMPLAINT WOT YOU GIVES 'ER PORT WINE FOR."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE TERRITORIAL.
+
+  Oh, civil life is fine and free, with no one to obey,
+  No sergeants shouting, "Show a leg!" or "Double up!" all day;
+  No buttons to be polished, no army boots to wear,
+  And nobody to tick you off because you grow your hair.
+
+  It's great to sleep beneath a roof that keeps the rain outside,
+  To eat a daintier kind of grub than quarter-blokes provide,
+  To rise o' mornings when you wish and when you wish turn in,
+  To shirk a shave and never hear the truth about your chin;
+
+  And not to have to pad the hoof through blazing sun or rain,
+  Intent on getting nowhere and foot-slogging back again,
+  To realise no N.C.O. has any more the right
+  To rob you of your beauty-sleep with "Guard to-morrow night!"
+
+  All this is great, of course it is, yet here we are once more
+  Obeying sergeants just for fun and cheerier than before;
+  We haven't any good excuse, we've got no war to win--
+  But nothing's touched the kit-bag yet for packing troubles in.
+
+  W.K.H.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A TASTE OF AUTHORITY.
+
+I have often wished I were an expert at something. How I envy the man who,
+before ordering a suit of clothes from his tailor, seizes the proffered
+sample of cloth and tugs at it in a knowledgable manner, smells it at close
+quarters with deep inhalations and finally, if he is very brave, pulls out
+a thread and ignites it with a match. Whereupon the tailor, abashed and
+discomfited, produces for the lucky expert from the interior of his
+premises that choice bale of pre-war quality which he was keeping for his
+own use.
+
+I confided this yearning of mine to Rottenbury the other evening.
+Rottenbury is a man of the world and might, I thought, be able to help me.
+
+"My dear fellow," he said, "in these days of specialisation one has to be
+brought up in the business to be an expert in anything, whether cloth or
+canaries or bathroom tiling. Knowledge of this kind is not gained in a
+moment."
+
+"Can you help me?" I asked.
+
+"As regards tea, I can," he replied. "Jorkins over there is in the tea
+business. If you like I'll get him to put you up to the tricks of
+tea-tasting."
+
+"I should be awfully glad if you would," said I. "We never get any decent
+tea at home."
+
+Jorkins appeared to be a man of direct and efficient character. I saw
+Rottenbury speak to him and the next moment he was at my elbow.
+
+"Watch me carefully," said Jorkins, "and listen to what I say. Take a
+little leaf into the palm of your left hand. Rub it lightly with the
+fingers and gaze earnestly thus. Apply your nose and snuff up strongly.
+Pick out a strand and bite through the leaf slowly with the front teeth,
+thus. Just after biting pass the tip of the tongue behind the front teeth
+and along the palate, completing the act of deglutition. Sorry I must go
+now. Good day."
+
+Now I felt I was on the right track. I practised the thing a few times
+before a glass, paying special attention to the far-away poetical look
+which Jorkins wore during the operation.
+
+At the tea-shop the man behind the counter willingly showed me numbers of
+teas. I snatched a handful of that which he specially recommended and began
+the ceremony. I took a little into the palm of my left-hand and gazed at it
+earnestly; I rubbed it lightly with my fingers; I picked up a strand and
+bit through the leaf slowly with the front teeth. Just after biting I
+passed the tongue behind the front teeth and along the palate, completing
+the act of deglutition.
+
+So far as I could judge it was very good tea, but it would never do to
+accept the first sample offered; I must let the shopman see that he was up
+against one of the mandarins of the trade. So I said with severity, "Please
+don't show me any more common stuff; I want the best you have."
+
+The man looked at me curiously and I saw his face twitching; he was
+evidently about to speak.
+
+"Kindly refrain from expostulating," I went on; "content yourself with
+showing me your finest blend."
+
+He went away to the back of the shop, muttering; clearly he recognised
+defeat, for when he returned he carried a small chest.
+
+"Try this," said he, and I knew that he was boiling with baffled rage.
+
+I took a handful and once more went through the whole ceremony. It was
+nauseating, but the man was obviously impressed. At the conclusion of my
+performance I assumed a look of satisfaction. "Give me five pounds of
+that," said I with the air of a conqueror.
+
+Next time I met Rottenbury I told him of my success.
+
+"Oh, Jorkins put you up to the trick, did he?"
+
+"He did. He taught me to titillate, to triturate, to masticate, to
+deglute--everything."
+
+"And with what result?"
+
+"With the result that I have in my possession five pounds of the finest tea
+that the greatest experts have blended from the combined products of Assam
+and China."
+
+"Tea?" he asked.
+
+"Yes, tea of course. You didn't suppose that I was talking of oysters?"
+
+"Did I tell you Jorkins was a tea-taster?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Well, then, he's not. He's in tobacco."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"Alured," said my wife, "I wish you wouldn't buy things for the house. That
+tea is low-grade sweepings."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: LE GRAND PENSEUR.
+
+(_With apologies to the late AUGUSTE RODIN._)
+
+ADVERTISING ENTHUSIAST ON HIS HOLIDAY SEEKING INSPIRATION FOR A NEW
+ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE UNDERGROUND RAILWAY.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "Sir Otto Beit has returned to London from South Africa, where he
+    turned the first sot of the new university."--_Daily Paper._
+
+Turned him out, we trust.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "In a brilliant peroration the Prime Minister warned his hearers that a
+    nation was known by its soul and not by its asses."--_South African
+    Paper._
+
+Yet some of our politicians seem to think that England is not past braying
+for.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "The doings (or rather sayings!) in the Legislature we are watching
+    with sympathy and some impatience, much as a bachelor bears with the
+    gambling of children who come to the drawing-room for an hour before
+    dinner."--_Weekly Paper._
+
+And the worst of it is that the Legislature is gambling with _our_ money.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "Miss ----, director of natural science studies at Newnham College,
+    Oxford, will preside."--_Daily Paper._
+
+We are glad to hear of this new women's college at Oxford, but surely they
+might have chosen a more original name for it.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A.G.J. writes: "Your picture of 'Come unto these Yellow Sands' in the
+number for August 4th explains for the first time the obscure following
+line, 'The Wild Waves Whist.'"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: "I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU AT CHURCH FOR TWO SUNDAYS, JOHN."
+
+"NO, SIR. NO OFFENCE T'YOU, BUT OI A-BIN DOIN' T' CHAPEL PASSON'S GARDEN,
+SO MISSUS THOUGHT WE'D BETTER GIVE 'IM A TURN."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
+
+(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)
+
+To review one of Mr. E.F. BENSON'S social satires always gives me somewhat
+the sensations of the reporter at the special sermon--a relieved
+consciousness that, being present on business, my own withers may be
+supposed professionally unwrung. Otherwise, so exploratory a lash.... I
+seldom recall the touch of it more shrewd than in _Queen Lucia_
+(HUTCHINSON), an altogether delightful castigation of those persons whom a
+false rusticity causes to change a good village into the sham-bucolic home
+of crazes, fads and affectation. All this super-cultured life of the
+Riseholme community has its centre in _Mrs. Lucas_, the acknowledged queen
+of the place (_Lucia_ = wife of _Lucas_, which shows you the character of
+her empire in a single touch); the matter of the tale is to tell how her
+autocracy was threatened, tottered and recovered. I wish I had space to
+quote the description of the _Lucas_ home, "converted" from two genuine
+cottages, to which had been added a wing at right-angles, even more
+Elizabethan than the original, and a yew-hedge, "brought entire from a
+neighbouring farm and transplanted with solid lumps of earth and indignant
+snails around its roots." Perhaps, apart from the joy of the setting, you
+may find some of the incidents, the faith-healer, the medium and so on, a
+trifle obvious for Mr. BENSON. More worthy of him is the central episode--
+the arrival as a Riseholme resident of _Olga Bracely_, the operatic star of
+international fame. Her talk, her attitude towards the place, and the
+subtle contrast suggested by her between the genuine and the pretence, show
+Mr. BENSON at his light-comedy best. In short, a charming entertainment, in
+speaking of which you will observe I have not once so much as mentioned the
+word "Cotswolds."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Michael Forth_ (CONSTABLE) will doubtless convey a wonderful message to
+those of us who are clever enough to grasp its meaning; but I fear that it
+will be a disappointment to many admirers of Miss MARY JOHNSTON'S earlier
+books. Frankly I confess myself bewildered and unable to follow this
+excursion into the region of metaphysics; indeed I felt as if I had fallen
+into the hands of a guide whose language I could only dimly and dully
+understand. All of which may be almost entirely my fault, so I suggest that
+you should sample _Michael_ for yourselves and see what you can make of
+him. Miss JOHNSTON shouldered an unnecessarily heavy burden when she
+decided to tell the story of her hero in the first person, but in relating
+_Michael's_ childhood in his Virginian home she is at her simplest and
+best. Afterwards, when _Michael_ became intent on going "deeper and deeper
+within," he succeeded so well that he concealed himself from me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Because I have a warm regard for good short stories and heartily approve
+the growing fashion of publishing or republishing them in volume form, I am
+the more jealous that the good repute of this practice should be preserved
+from damage by association with unworthy material. I'm afraid this is a
+somewhat ominous introduction to a notice of _The Eve of Pascua_
+(HEINEMANN), in which, to be brutally frank, I found little justification
+for even such longevity as modern paper conditions permit. "RICHARD DEHAN"
+is admittedly a writer who has deserved well of the public, but none of the
+tales in this collection will do anything to add to the debt. The best is
+perhaps a very short and quite happily told little jest called "An
+Impression," about the emotions of a peasant model on seeing herself as
+interpreted by an Impressionist painter. There is also a sufficiently
+picturesque piece of Wardour Street medievalism in "The Tribute of the
+Kiss," and some original scenery in "The Mother of Turquoise." But beyond
+this (though I searched diligently) nothing; indeed worse, since more than
+one of the remaining tales, notably "Wanted, a King" and "The End of the
+Cotillion," are so preposterous that their inclusion here can only be
+attributed to the most cynical indifference.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It may be my Saxon prejudice, but, though most of the ingredients of _Irish
+Stew_ (SKEFFINGTON) are in fact Irish, and though Mrs. DOROTHEA CONYERS is
+best known as a novelist who delights in traditional Ireland and
+traditional horses, I am bound to confess that I enjoyed the adventures of
+_Mr. Jones_, trusted employé of _Mosenthals and Co._, better than Mrs.
+CONYERS' stage Irishmen. "Our Mr. Jones" is neither a _Sherlock Holmes_ nor
+an _Aristide Pujol_, neither a _Father Brown_ nor a _Bob Pretty_, but
+nevertheless he is an engaging soul and we could do with more of him. Mrs.
+CONYERS' hunting _clientèle_ may much prefer to read about the dishonesties
+of _Con Cassidy_ and his fellow-horse-copers and the simple but heroic
+_O'Toole_ and his supernatural friends. But, as the average Irish hunting
+man cares little more for books than he does for bill-collectors, his
+preference may not be of paramount importance. In any case the Irish
+ingredients of _Irish Stew_ would be easier to assimilate if Mrs. CONYERS
+would refrain from trying to spell English as the Irish speak it. If the
+reader knows Ireland it is unnecessary and merely makes reading a task. If
+the reader does not know Ireland no amount of phonetic spelling will
+reproduce a single one of the multitudinous brogues that fill Erin with
+sound and empty it of sense. On the whole Mrs. CONYERS' public will not be
+disappointed with her latest sheaf of tales. But it is _Mr. Jones_ who will
+give them their money's worth.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I was, I confess, a little sceptical--you know how it is--when I read what
+Messrs. HODDER AND STOUGHTON'S official reviewer said of Mr. HAL. G.
+EVARTS' _The Cross-Pull_: "The best dog story since The Call of the Wild,"
+etc., etc. Well, I certainly haven't seen a better. Mr. EVARTS' hero,
+_Flash_, is a noble beast of mixed strain--grey wolf, coyote, dog. The
+Cross-Pull is the conflict between the dog and the wolf, between loyalty to
+his master and mistress whom he brings together and serves, and the wolf
+whose proper business is to be biting elks in the neck. Happier than most
+tamed brutes he is involved as chief actor in a round up of some desperate
+outlaws, among whom is his chief enemy, and he is fortunate enough to serve
+the state while pursuing to a successful end his bitter private quarrel.
+Brute _Brent_ gets and deserves the kind of bite which was planned by a
+far-seeing providence for the elk.... You can tell when an author really
+loves and knows animals or is merely "putting it on." Mr. EVARTS
+understands, sentimentalises less than most interpreters; seems to know a
+good deal. The story loses no interest from being set in the American
+hinterland of a few decades ago. All real animal lovers should get this
+book--they should really.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+If it be true art, as I rather think someone has said it is, to state what
+is obvious in regard to a subject while creating by the manner of the
+statement an impression of its subtler features, then Mr. PERCY BROWN, in
+writing _Germany in Dissolution_ (MELROSE), has proved himself a true
+artist. For in Germany about the time of the Armistice and during the
+Spartacist rising certain things happened which got themselves safely into
+the newspapers, and these he sets forth, mostly in headline form. Beyond
+this Germany was a seething muddle of contradictions and cross-purposes,
+which, it is hardly unfair to say, are capably reflected in his pages. Mr.
+BROWN is a journalist of the school that does not stick at a trifle, a
+German prison, for instance, when his dear public wants news. His crowning
+achievement was to persuade Dr. SOLF, when Foreign Minister, to send
+through the official wireless an account of an interview with himself,
+which would, as he (SOLF) fondly hoped, help to bamboozle British public
+opinion. When the article appeared, so well had the author's editor read
+between the lines of the message that the journalist had to run for his
+life. He was particularly fortunate too, or clever, in getting in touch
+with the Kiel sailors who set the revolution going, but in spite of much
+excellent material, mostly of the "scoop" interview variety, nothing much
+ever seems to come of it all, and we are left at the end about as wise as
+we started. All the same, much of the book's detail is interesting, however
+little satisfaction it offers as a whole.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Ann's First Flutter_ (ALLEN AND UNWIN) will not arouse any commotion in
+the dovecotes of the intellectually elect, but it provides an amusing
+entertainment for those who can appreciate broad and emphatic humour. Mr.
+R.A. HAMBLIN has succeeded in what he set out to do, and my only quarrel
+with him is that I believe him to have a subtler sense of humour than he
+reveals here. _Ann_ was a grocer's daughter, and after her attempt to
+flutter for herself had failed she married _Tom Bampfield_, a grocer's son.
+_Tom_ had literary ambitions, and was the author of a novel which his
+father thought pernicious enough to destroy his custom. Strange however to
+relate, the novel failed to destroy anything except the author's future as
+a novelist, and when _Tom_ did succeed in making some pen-money it was by
+means of a series of funny articles in _The Dry Goods Gazette_--articles so
+violently humorous that the author's father thoroughly appreciated them.
+Mr. HAMBLIN'S fun, let me add, is never ill-natured. Even bilious grocers
+will not resent his jovial invasion of their kingdom.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE PRUDENT LOVER.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "City gunsmiths have been busy these days furbishing up sportsmen's
+    rifles for the '12th.'"--_Scotch Paper._
+
+Personally we use a machine-gun.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol.
+159, August 18th, 1920, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***
+
+***** This file should be named 16707-8.txt or 16707-8.zip *****
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