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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/16680-h.zip b/16680-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..600074a --- /dev/null +++ b/16680-h.zip diff --git a/16680-h/16680-h.htm b/16680-h/16680-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4fcb9f4 --- /dev/null +++ b/16680-h/16680-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2633 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Onlooker, Vol. I, Part 2, by Alfred Henry Lewis, Editor. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%;} + .pagenum {position: absolute; left: 92%; font-size: smaller; text-align: right;} /* page numbers */ + + .center {text-align: center;} + + .citation {text-align: right; + margin-right: 5%;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: + 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .poem {margin-left:20%; margin-right:10%; text-align: left;} + .poem br {display: none;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem span.i0 {display: block; margin-left: 0em;} + .poem span.i2 {display: block; margin-left: 2em;} + .poem span.i4 {display: block; margin-left: 4em;} + .poem span.i10 {display: block; margin-left: 10em;} + + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Onlooker, Volume 1, Part 2, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Onlooker, Volume 1, Part 2 + +Author: Various + +Editor: Alfred Henry Lewis + +Release Date: September 11, 2005 [EBook #16680] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ONLOOKER, VOLUME 1, PART 2 *** + + + + +Produced by Bill Tozier, Barbara Tozier, Diane Monico, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + + +<p class="figcenter" style="width: 334px;"> +<img src="images/001.png" width="334" height="432" alt="The Onlooker cover" title="" /> +</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<h1>The<br /> +Onlooker</h1> + +<h3>Alfred Henry Lewis<br /> +Editor</h3> + +<p class="center">Vol. I NEW YORK, MAY 28, 1902 Part 2<br /><br /></p> + +<p class="figcenter" style="width: 56px;"> +<img src="images/002.png" width="56" height="123" alt="man" title="" /> +</p> + +<p class="center"><b>"Sir Oliver, we<br /> +live in a dammed<br /> +wicked world, and<br /> +the fewer we praise<br /> +the better."</b></p> + +<p class="center"><b> —Sir Peter Teazle.</b></p> + +<p class="center">FIVE CENTS ONCE A WEEK</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + + + +<h1>The Onlooker<a name="Page_1" id="Page_1"></a></h1> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + +<h2>The Onlooker<a name="Page_2" id="Page_2"></a></h2> + +<p class="center">Subscription: One Dollar a Year<br /> +Price: Five Cents</p> + + +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> + + +<p class="center"><a href="#The_Casual_Club"><b>THE CASUAL CLUB</b></a><br /></p> + +<p class="center">Tammany and Its Missing Funds—<br /> + Mr. Nixon and his Failure—Mr.<br /> + Carroll's Troubles with Mr. Croker—<br />The Latter + Gone for Good</p> + +<p class="center"><b>POETRY</b></p> + +<p class="center"><a href="#No_Time_Like_To-Day">No Time Like To-Day</a><br /> +<a href="#Artistic_Disarray">Artistic Disarray</a><br /></p> + +<p class="center"><a href="#As_You_Like_It"><b>AS YOU LIKE IT</b></a> Fielders<br /></p> + +<p class="center"> Who Loves a Lord?—Killing for<br /> + Futurity—Mistake in Vocation—Foreign<br /> + Devils Again—Heaven or Hell—Adam<br /> + a Myth—Hurrah for + Noah—Callow<br /> Judgment—Champagne and "Champagne"</p> + +<p class="center"><a href="#The_Play"><b>THE PLAY</b></a> Jaques<br /></p> + +<p class="center"><a href="#Lady_Bettys_Comment"><b>LADY BETTY'S COMMENT</b></a> Betty Stair<br /></p> + +<p class="center"><a href="#Drift_of_the_Day"><b>DRIFT OF THE DAY</b></a> Skirving<br /></p> + +<p class="center"><a href="#That_Smuggled_Silk"><b>THAT SMUGGLED SILK</b></a> By the Old Lobbyist<br /><br /><br /></p> + + +<p class="center">Copyrighted by The Observer Publishing Co., 1902</p> + +<p class="center">The Observer Publishing Company<br /> +Mercantile Library Building<br /> +Astor Place, New York City +</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h1>The Onlooker<a name="Page_3" id="Page_3"></a></h1> + +<p class="center"> +Vol. I MAY 28, 1902 Part 2<br /> +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="The_Casual_Club" id="The_Casual_Club"></a><b>The Casual Club</b></h2> + + +<p>On last Thursday evening the Casual +Club was gathered about a corner +table in Sherry's. The great room +was beautiful, the music brilliant, +the setting and table appointments +magnificent, and the dinner all that might be +asked. There came but one thing to grieve +the tempers of our members—the service was +slip-shod, inattentive, vile. One wonders +that so splendid an arrangement should be +left unguarded in the most important particular +of service; that Sherry, when he has +done so much, should permit himself to be +foiled of a last result by an idle carelessness +of waiters, who if they do not forget one's +orders outright, execute them with all imaginable +sloth. They attend on guests as though +the latter were pensioners, and are listless in +everything save a collection of the gratuity, +<a name="Page_4" id="Page_4"></a>personal to themselves, which their avarice +and a public's weakness have educated them +to expect.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Clams had occurred, and while we were discussing +these small sea-monsters, Fatfloat +broke suddenly forth. "I don't know if it be +a subject for self-gratulation or no, but I observed +that the daily papers took quick note +of my statement that Tammany Hall was +looted of its last shilling. For the guidance +of these energetic folk of ink and types, I will +unfold a further huddle of details. Instead of +nine hundred thousand dollars, there were +more than one million collected for the Tammany +campaign. No one can show where so +much as two hundred thousand dollars were +honestly disbursed. Let me tell a story; it +may suggest an idea to our diligent friends of +the Dailies. There is a rotund, porpoise-shaped +globular gentleman known of these +parts as 'Bim the Button Man.' This personage +went into the printing business at the beginning +of the late campaign and went out of +it—like blowing out a candle—at the close. +Bim the Button Man, for his brief parade as +a printer, took a partner. Or perhaps the +partner took Mr. Bim. The partner was and +<a name="Page_5" id="Page_5"></a>is a doughty 'leader.' It was the new-made +firm of 'Bim' that flourished in the production +of those posters and lithographs of Mr. Shepard +which for so long disfigured the town. +Mr. Mitchell, printer, complained bitterly over +this invasion of his rights by Mr. Bim. The +latter snapped pudgy fingers at the querulous +Mr. Mitchell by virtue of his powerful partner. +Who was Mr. Bim's partner? One year before +when Mr. Mitchell's bill was seven thousand +dollars, Mr. Croker, being in a frugal +mood, felt excessively pained. Why then +should it mount last autumn to three hundred +thousand dollars and excite neither grief nor +reproach? And what was got for those three +hundred thousand dollars? When a show +leaves New York, it carries posters wherewith +to embellish each fence and bill board in the +land; and yet no show ever paid more than +ten thousand dollars for paper. Five thousand +dollars will cover every possible coign of +bill-sticking advantage and hang, besides, a +lithograph of Mr. Shepard in every window +in the city of New York. Then wherefore +those three hundred thousand dollars of Tammany? +There be folk on the finance committee +who should go into this business with a +lantern. The most hopeful name of these is +<a name="Page_6" id="Page_6"></a>Mr. McDonald, our great subway contractor +and partner of Mr. August Belmont; he is a +member of that committee. He is, too, a +gentleman of intelligence, business habits and +high worth. Mr. McDonald of the subway, +for his own credit and that of Mr. Belmont, +his partner, should never sleep until he turned +out the bottom facts of that Tammany treasure +which has disappeared. Nor should a common +interest with Mr. Croker and certain of +that gentleman's retainers in the Port Chester +railway deter him. Is there no honest man in +Athens?"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It was at the close of the repast and when +cigars were smokily going that Vacuum returned +to the subject of Tammany Hall.</p> + +<p>"Let me congratulate you, my dear Enfield," +observed Vacuum courteously, "on your +genius for prophecy. At our last meeting, you +foretold the near overthrow of Mr. Nixon and +the Croker regime. The papers inform me +that all came to pass within the two days +following your warning."</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Lemon sarcastically, taking the +words from Enfield, "we have been visited +with that fell calamity, the collapse of Mr. +Croker and his rule. We have seen the black +<a name="Page_7" id="Page_7"></a>last of him, and the very name of Croker already +begins to be a memory. But why should +one repine?" Lemon's sneer was deepening. +"In every age the other great have come and +ruled and gone to that oblivion beyond. +They arose to fall and be forgot. It is the +law. Then why not Mr. Croker? True, even +while we consent, there comes that natural +sadness which I now observe to sparkle so +brightly in every present eye. What then? +We console ourselves as did Chief Justice +Crewe full two centuries and a half ago when +the decadence of De Vere claimed consideration. +'I have labored,' quoth Crewe, who if +that be possible was more moved over the +waning of De Vere than am I concerning the +passing of Mr. Croker, 'I have labored to make +a covenant with myself that affection may not +press upon judgment; for I suppose there is +no man that hath any apprehension of gentry +or nobleness but his affection stands to the +continuance of a house so illustrious and would +take hold on a twig or a twinethread to support +it. And yet Time hath his revolutions; +there must be a period and an end to all temporal +things—finis rerum—an end of names +and dignities and whatsoever is terrene; and +why not of De Vere? For where is Bohun? +<a name="Page_8" id="Page_8"></a>where is Mowbray? where is Mortimer? nay, +which is more and most of all, where is Plantagenet? +They are entombed in the urns and +sepulchres of mortality!' And, as it was of +that ancient day of Crewe and the De Vere +so must it be of us and Mr. Croker. He +goes; we stay; and so let us drink to all." +Here Lemon filled his glass, and the rest having +amiably followed his example, offered +with a wicked twinkle, "The disappearance of +Mr. Croker!"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"What I regret in the business," remarked +Fatfloat as he put down his glass, "is the ill +fortune of Mr. Nixon. There is much of good +honesty about that gentleman; he is high-minded +and proud; I cannot but sympathize +with him in his present plight."</p> + +<p>"And yet," observed Enfield, mildly, "Mr. +Nixon should have avoided that trap of an +empty leadership. Mr. Nixon is no stripling; +he knew Tammany and those elements of +mendacity and muddy intrigue which are +called its 'control'; he knew Mr. Croker, who +in these last days was faithful to no promise +and loyal to no man. Why did he permit +himself to be flattered, cozened and destroyed? +Why? He added inexperience to vanity and +<a name="Page_9" id="Page_9"></a>betrayed himself. It was the old story—the +conference of that leadership on Mr. Nixon—the +old story of the Wolf and Little Red Riding +Hood, with Mr. Croker as Wolf and Mr. Nixon +the innocent who was eaten up. No, no; he +might have better guided himself. Mr. Nixon—were +all about the friendliest—was still unfit +for the place. It was like putting a horse in +a tree-top; it gave the horse no grace nor +glory and offered a sole assurance of his finally +falling out."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"Isn't Mr. Nixon himself an honest man?" +asked Van Addle.</p> + +<p>"Were it to be merely a question of honesty," +replied Enfield, "Mr. Nixon would +make perfect answer. Broadly, he is an honest +man. But that, politically, is all. And +there be enterprises, such as Tammany Hall +and the Stock Market, wherein to be merely +honest is not a complete equipment. Moreover, +in this business of his so-called 'leadership,' +Mr. Nixon might have carried himself +with a more sensitive integrity and been +bettered vastly thereby. You will recall that +when Mr. Nixon performed as chairman of the +Tammany anti-vice committee, he discovered +in its entire membership that combine of +<a name="Page_10" id="Page_10"></a>blackmail and extortion which, standing at +the head of Tammany and doing its foul work +through the police, fostered crime in the community +for a round return of four millions a +year. Mr. Nixon called these evil folk by +name and pointed to them. He could still +relate that roll and never miss an individual. +And if he did not put actual hand on the sly +presiding genius, I warrant you he might, were +he so inclined, indite a letter to him and get +the address right."</p> + +<p>"And the postage would be five cents," interjected +Lemon.</p> + +<p>"With this knowledge," continued Enfield +without heeding Lemon's interruption, "and +with his record as a foe of corruption, Mr. +Nixon, had he been wise as a captain, or true +to himself as a man, would have called about +him the cleaner elements. He would have reminded +them of the people's verdict of November +and told them plainly that the rogues +must go. He should have been loyal to himself. +He should have made the issue against +the corruptionists; he should have waged +prompt and bitter war, and either destroyed +them or died like a soldier high up on the +ramparts. Mr. Nixon would have then become +a martyr or a hero; and between the +<a name="Page_11" id="Page_11"></a>two there after all goes flowing no mighty +difference. A martyr is a hero who failed; a +hero is a martyr who succeeded; both gain +the veneration of a people, and die or live +secure of self-respect. Mr. Nixon should have +uplifted the standards of a new crusade against +that handful of great robbers who, making +Tammany their stronghold, issued forth to a +rapine of the town. Nor, had he done so, +would he have fallen in the battle. As I have +already said, nineteen of every Tammany +twenty would have come round him for that +fight. He would have conquered a true leadership +and advanced a public interest while +upbuilding his party. Mr. Nixon, however, +failed tamely in the very arms of opportunity. +He kept to the same ignoble counsel that had +so wrought disrepute for Mr. Croker. And, +afar from thoughts of assailing those who had +dragged Tammany Hall through mire to +achieve their villain ends, he went openly into +their districts, commended them to the voters, +hailed them as his friends and urged their retention +in the executive board. Is it marvel, +then, that Mr. Nixon as a 'leader' took no +root? or that by the earliest gust of opposition +he was overblown? It could not have come +otherwise; he fairly threw himself beneath the +wheels of Fate."</p> + +<p><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12"></a>"As to the future of Tammany Hall," said +Vacuum, "will Mr. Croker make further effort +to dominate it and send it orders from +abroad?"</p> + +<p>"Undoubtedly," returned Enfield, to whom +the query was put, "Mr. Croker will strive in +all ways to prolong himself. It is with him +both a matter of money and a matter of pride. +But he will fail; his whilom follower, Mr. Carroll, +is too powerful. Mr. Carroll is in possession +and will yield only to Mr. Martin,—that +inveterate foe of Mr. Croker."</p> + +<p>"Do you know why Mr. Croker attacked Mr. +Carroll just before he left?" asked Vacuum +"and ordered his destruction? One morning, +he was taken by Mr. Fox to view Mr. Carroll's +building operations near Fifth Avenue in Fifty-seventh +Street. Mr. Fox called attention to +the grandeur of Mr. Carroll's plans. The workmen +were tearing down a house to make +room for Mr. Carroll's coming palace. Mr. +Croker gazed for full ten minutes in wordless, +moody gloom. Then turning to the sympathetic +Mr. Fox he broke forth: 'What do you +think of that? He's tearing down a better +house than mine!' From that moment Mr. +Croker went about the tearing down of Mr. +Carroll."</p> + +<p><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13"></a>"I had not supposed him so small," said Fatfloat, +"as to feel piqued because Mr. Carroll +would build a better house than his own."</p> + +<p>"He didn't feel piqued," said Lemon; "he felt +plundered, and doubtless asked a question concerning +Mr. Carroll that has been so often +asked about himself."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"And yet," observed Van Addle, appealing +to Enfield, "I should love prodigiously to hear +your views on the situation in Tammany as it +stands. I confess both an ignorance and a +curiosity for light."</p> + +<p>"And I am sure, my dear Van Addle," returned +Enfield, "you are heartily welcome to aught +I may know or believe on the subject. A +great noble of Rome observed that to direct +a wanderer aright was like lighting another +man's candle with one's own; it assisted the +fortunes of the beneficiary without subtracting +from the estate of the Samaritan. For myself, +I need neither the Roman argument nor the +Roman example to create within me a benevolent +willingness to hang a lantern in the tower +of truth for the guidance of any gentleman +now groping as to the actual status of Mr. +Croker with Tammany Hall.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14"></a>"It requires no word to those initiate to convince +them that Mr. Croker no longer sits on +the throne, and that his potentialities are forever +departed away. For myself, grown too +indolent for an interest in aught beyond the +sentimentalities of politics, I sorrow that this +is so. Indifference is ever conservative and +hesitates at change; and, speaking for what +is within myself and not at all perhaps for +that which is best for the public, I would have +preferred a continuation of the Croker dynasty. +As it is, good sooth! Mr. Croker is +destroyed. And your ruin, of whatever character, +the resort of owls, the habitat of bats, +and all across it flung the melancholy ivy—that +verdant banner of victorious decay!—is, +at its loveliest, but a spectacle of depression; +and one who has witnessed Mr. Croker in his +vigor must be at least dimly affected as he +beholds him take his sad and passive place +with those who were. Mr. Croker is not to be +blamed as the architect of his overthrow. +With what lights that shone, his conduct was +prudent enough; and his dethronement is to +be charged to destiny—to kismet, rather than +to any gate-opening carelessness on the purblind +part of himself. 'Prudentia fato major,' +said the Florentine. But the Medici was +<a name="Page_15" id="Page_15"></a>wrong, and before Death bandaged his eyes for +eternity it was given him to see that Destiny, +for all his caution and for all his craft, had +fed his hopes to defeat. And yet, while Mr. +Croker may not be charged as the reason of +his own removal, some consideration of causes +that incited it should have a merit and an +interest. It is one vessel crashing on a reef +that points a danger, and makes for the safety +of every ship that follows, and the story of +a wrecked and drowned dictatorship cannot +fail to instruct ambition in whatever +field.</p> + +<p>"Following the last presidential campaign, +Mr. Croker sailed Englandward to repose himself +from his labors. For ten months did he +rest, recuperate, restrengthen and restore himself. +And when he departed, albeit he may +have had no suspicion of that fact, Mr. Croker +left his chieftaincy behind. That was to happen +in the nature of things, and Mr. Croker +would have foreseen it had he been a true +scientist of supremacy. Remember it, all ye +kings and princes and potentates among men! +a crown will never travel, a scepter cannot +leave the realm, and there are no wheels on a +throne. Mr. Croker was not aware of these +cardinal truths of kingcraft when he sailed +<a name="Page_16" id="Page_16"></a>away; the knowledge became his at a time too +late to have a value beyond the speculative. +Mr. Croker left the garments of his leadership +behind him and eighteen of the 'leaders' appropriated +them with a plot. They caught +their chief in bathing and they stole his clothes.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Croker was home ten days before he +missed his leadership, and even then he was +made aware of its spoliation only by beholding +it in the hands of the cabal. Mr. Croker meant +Mr. Nixon for the mayoralty; but the plotting +eighteen, intriguing with Brooklyn blocked +the way with Mr. Coler. The coalition was +too strong for Mr. Croker to force, and the +logic of that same word pressed to a conflict +meant his destruction in the city convention.</p> + +<p>"'When the lion's skin is too short,' said Lysander, +'we piece it out with the fox's,' and +while the Greeks thought this sentiment unbecoming +a descendant of Hercules, they +were fain to acquiesce in its practice when +met by a peril too strong for their spears. +Mr. Croker remembered Lysander; and, being +thus hedged and hemmed about, sought +safety by nominating Mr. Shepard. There +need be no mistake; Mr. Shepard was not a +candidate, he was a refuge. And such a refuge +as is Scylla when one is threatened of Charybdis.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17"></a>"When Mr. Croker seized on Mr. Shepard, +he defeated the Coler plot, but made no +safety for his leadership. He succeeded +only in losing the latter in a fashion less harrowing +to his vanity, less obnoxious to his +self-respect. It was the old Roman at the +last, who, preferring suicide to capture, +throws himself on his own sword.</p> + +<p>"Study the situation as Mr. Croker studied it, +following the city convention; it will aid to +an understanding of what has happened +since, and tell the story of his lost leadership. +Following Mr. Shepard's nomination there +lived no Croker hope. With either Mr. +Shepard or Mr. Low elected, Tammany +would dwindle—as one now beholds it—to +be a third-rate influence. The autocracy of +Mr. Croker would disappear. At the best, he +might beg where he had once commanded, +with every prospect of being denied. Mr. +Croker, in alarm for his pride, decided that +his sole chance to quit with credit was to quit +at once, and on that thought he acted. Following +the naming of Mr. Shepard he treated +with the plotters and abandoned to them half +his dominion. It was they, and not Mr. Croker, +who determined the personnel of the late +county and borough tickets; one has but to remember +<a name="Page_18" id="Page_18"></a>the folk who were named, and recall +those who were not, to know that this is true. +But bad fortune overtook Mr. Croker and the +eighteen who then held him in partial thrall. +The city ticket of the one, and the county and +borough tickets of the others, were beaten."</p> + +<p>"They were, of a hopeful verity!" interrupted +Fatfloat. "They were beaten as flat as a +field of turnips! And it was in high good +time, too. Had Tammany retained the city, +before 1904 the outlaws would have stolen +everything but the back fence."</p> + +<p>"They did not keep the city, however," continued +Enfield, "and being defeated, Mr. +Croker developed with much speed an eagerness +for England. I do not blame him; +while outwardly respectful, the leading folk +of his circle were cheerless and cold, for to be +beaten is to be hated in Tammany Hall. +And so he made pretense of abdication and +Mr. Nixon appeared in his place. The sequel +of that ill-fortuned substitution is known.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Croker will continue still to hold what +Tammany territory he may. He has money +interests to protect. And yet, strive and +plot and battle as best he can, it is too late. +His day is over and his power lost. He will +<a name="Page_19" id="Page_19"></a>win such consideration and no more, as Mr. +Carroll and the others grant.</p> + +<p>"It is to be doubted if Mr. Croker realizes +how prone and dead he is. One knows when +one is wounded, but one knows not when one +is killed. Some near day, or some far day, +Mr. Croker will seek to return. Then, and +not until that time, will he comprehend the +palsy that has stricken his supremacy. Mr. +Croker will return only to be denied. And +that, too, will be as it should; for even a +Napoleon comes back but once to France."</p> + +<p class="figcenter" style="width: 33px;"> +<img src="images/004.png" width="33" height="27" alt="" title="" /> +</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="No_Time_Like_To-Day" id="No_Time_Like_To-Day"></a><b>No Time Like To-Day</b></h2> + + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Gather ye rose-buds while ye may,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Old Time is still a-flying;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And this same flower that smiles to-day,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To-morrow will be dying.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Then be not coy, but use your time,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">And while ye may, go marry;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For having lost but once your prime,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">You may forever tarry.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i10">—Robert Herrick.<br /></span> +</div></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20"></a></p> +<h2><a name="As_You_Like_It" id="As_You_Like_It"></a><b>As You Like It</b></h2> + + +<h3>Who Loves a Lord?</h3> + +<p>The London newspapers give +one the impression that a +number of English people will +attend the coronation ceremonies. +It is evident that the +editors of these newspapers do not read journals +which are printed in New York and other +American centers.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + + +<h3>Killing for Futurity</h3> + +<p>When Balmascheff, who shot +and killed M. Sipiaguine, +Russia's Minister of the Interior, +was asked if he had +accomplices he replied: "So +many that it is impossible to name them." +He also said that he nor they expected grace +or mercy; that he and they worked for those +who came after. Some will call this the +raving of an anarchist. But these know +nothing of the conditions against which +Balmascheff and his kind are warring. The +Balmascheffs would prefer to gain their ends +by peaceful means, but know from experience +that life is too short for success. They +<a name="Page_21" id="Page_21"></a>do not kill for love of killing, or the notoriety +that attaches to it, but that the lot of those +whose cause they champion may be made +merely endurable. Whenever the law is +wilfully and successfully disregarded that a +minority may be favored there will be found +a means by which this dereliction is brought +to the attention not only of the lawbreakers, +but of the world, and as the latter, in all its +divisions, contains lawbreakers who consider +themselves above or beyond the law the +punishment of one is usually followed by the +punishment of others, for lawbreakers of a +colossal type—like their executioners—think +in common and recognize no cleavage of +nationality. Balmascheff may not have killed +the system which was represented by M. +Sipiaguine, but he chopped away a limb. +Unless the trunk is replaced by one that better +befits the age it, too, will be chopped away.</p> + +<p>If this be an age of reason, as is claimed for it, +men who are furnished with a capacity to +think cannot be prevented from putting +their thoughts into execution. Though Balmascheff +was executed on Friday according to +biblical and Russian law, there are many Balmascheffs +in the world, and it is well for the +world that this is so.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<h3><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22"></a>Mistake in Vocation</h3> + +<p>A woman writer who considers +herself a Realist says +in a story published recently: +"I found a letter in my mail +and read it as I prepared my +morning coffee." This is an impossible feat. +She may have prepared the coffee and then +read the letter, or read the letter and then +prepared the coffee, but she did not do both +simultaneously unless she were, not a realist, +but an acrobat.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + + +<h3>Foreign Devils Again</h3> + +<p>Among the many reforms +foisted upon China by the +Powers is a college. At the +head of this college is a Foreign +Devil and among its professors +are six Foreign Devils. The court of +last resort, however, is the Governor of Shantung, +who is a native of China. He, quite +recently, filled the Foreign Devils with indignation +because he expelled from the college +a student who refused to subscribe to +the teachings of Confucius, who was a wise +as well as a learned man. The Foreign +Devils transferred some of their indignation +to Mr. Conger, the United States Minister, +who "warned the Throne against infractions +<a name="Page_23" id="Page_23"></a>of the treaties in respect to the freedom of the +Chinese to practice Christianity." This warning +probably filled the Throne with even +more and hotter indignation than that which +seethed in the Foreign Devils. Why should +Mr. Conger not follow the custom of his own +country and permit every religion to take +care of itself? Here is a case in point. A +Mr. Noll applied for a license to preach and it +was denied to him by a Theological Seminary +of the Presbyterian brand because he refused +to believe in the personality of Adam. +He would not have carried his case to the +President even if he had not died. It has +been asserted by a Minister of another denomination +that Noll was murdered, not in +the orthodox way, but simply because he +was refused a license to preach. If the murder +theory be not untenable Noll was not of +the stuff of which martyrs are made, and as +all Preachers hold that they are made of this +stuff Noll conferred a favor upon the profession +by dying of consumption.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + + +<h3>Heaven or Hell</h3> + +<p>Even before Noll died a +number of Presbyterian +Preachers had announced +that they considered Adam, +Moses, Jonah and other personages +of Note in Bible literature as Myths. +<a name="Page_24" id="Page_24"></a>With rare exceptions, there is about as little +initiative in Professional Preachers as there is +in Professional Pugilists, and the last sect of +which one might have expected such iconoclastic +utterances is that which claims Calvin +and John Knox as its shining lights. I remember, +as a small boy, feeling sorry for a +chum because, as a Presbyterian, he did not +know and had no means of finding out whether +he had been born to go to Heaven or Hell, +and in those days both of those resorts were +spelled with capitals and pronounced with +awe. Had he been able by a most rigorous +observance of all the rules laid down by God +and Man to make certain of living in a future +state of beatitude I would have felt sorry for +him still, as he would be compelled, of necessity, +to miss many of the joys of this world; +still his future then—though in a hard and +grinding measure—would have lain in his +own hands. But whether he became a Pirate +or a Preacher was all one; he had been born +to go to Heaven or Hell and nothing that +he could do could enable him to change his +final destination. In later life he, evidently, +appreciated this, for he became a Stock-Broker, +after, as a Preacher, having broken +most of the Commandments and fractured +<a name="Page_25" id="Page_25"></a>the rest. Had the Dominie of the flock of +which he was a member expressed a doubt of +the existence, some years ago, of Adam, +Moses or Jonah, but particularly Adam, he +would have saved my friend from much +mental and some physical distress.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<h3>Adam a Myth</h3> + +<p>When a hide-bound, moss-grown +bigot begets doubts +and then removes them, he is +like a bull in a china shop and +wants to break everything in +sight, not through an innate love of destruction, +but because he has lost his rope and is too +delirious to find the corral. This throwing +overboard of Adam so suddenly and without +any recently discovered evidence upon his personality +or lack of it, comes in the nature of a +shock. The act has been perpetrated after +the fashion of Captain Kidd in his worst days. +It shows a complete lack of even a faint acquaintance +with the small amenities that +help to smooth the ruts in social intercourse +to not only order a personage of Adam's standing +and reputation to "walk the plank," but +to push him off. Besides, it shows an utter +disregard for the feelings of that large body of +people who do not think, to wipe out, at one +<a name="Page_26" id="Page_26"></a>fell wipe, the whole scheme of creation without +substituting another. If there were no Adam +there could not have been a Garden of Eden +or an Eve. And what about the Apple and +the Serpent and a lot of other picturesque details? +Personally, I intend to stick to my +belief in Adam, not because I ever had a high +opinion of him, but because I have met a number +of men who remind me of him—men who +always throw the blame on the woman; also +because I have seen several spots that would +make an admirable Eden. Besides, there is +something in the story of what happened in +the Garden that rings true; not that all women +would adopt Eve's bold method, but much +may be forgiven a woman who had no mother +or maiden aunt to play duenna, and who lived +before either was fashionable, or, according to +the story, necessary.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + + +<h3>Hurrah for Noah</h3> + +<p>But these reverend gentlemen +must not go too far. One +may regret Adam, and his extinction +may start fissures in +many genealogical trees, but +to such of us as only "came over in the Mayflower," +or "with the Conqueror," his flop into +oblivion may entail no serious damage to +<a name="Page_27" id="Page_27"></a>existing rights. Upon Moses I always looked +as a person of doubtful parentage, and a +leader who, had he lived in recent centuries, +would have been sacrificed by his own men +within a month at most. His only title to +fame is that he kept the Jews for forty years +from appropriating anything but a desert +which nobody else wanted and was a blistering +hindrance to them. The story of Moses certainly +has weak spots. Too much is known +of the localities which he frequented. The +crossing of the Red Sea without even getting +his boots full of water seems too lurid an accomplishment +for a pedestrian who consumed +forty years in reaching the confines of an +ordinary desert. His disappearance will cause +but little clamor. Then there is Jonah. Those +who know the sea, or have a passing acquaintance +with fish, place no reliance upon +the Jonah-whale story. Jonah will not be +missed greatly. But I must insist upon the +preservation of Noah. In him are we all—no +creed nor color barred—indebted for our +first striking and imperfect impressions of the +animal kingdom. No liar could have invented +the story of the flood. It is of too wholesale +a character for pure invention, and the +few details which accompany it wear an air of +<a name="Page_28" id="Page_28"></a>truth. Unless it were founded upon fact, +could manufacturers all over the world have +been induced to strengthen it and put money +in their purse by turning out, annually, not +millions but trillions of Noah's arks? Once +shake the belief of childhood in the stability +of Noah and ruin will fall upon a great industry, +for machinery which will turn out a +never-ending stream of Noah's arks could not +be driven to turn out anything else. There +is nothing to take the place of Noah's ark, as +there is no one to take the place of Noah. In +other lines trade may follow the flag, but in +the Noah's ark industry it follows a belief in +Noah and is known to every flag that has ever +waved, paying allegiance to no particular +banner. Before these fatiguing divines drive +even a tack into Noah's coffin, let them provide +us with a personage of equal interest and +influence. If they are not permitted to move +further in their scheme of destruction until +they do this, Noah is safe. They can only try +to kill; they cannot create.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + + +<h3>Callow Judgment</h3> + +<p>Mr. William M. Thomas, +United States Minister to +Sweden, called upon the President +lately and made him +a present of several Swedish razors. +<a name="Page_29" id="Page_29"></a>A Washington correspondent at once telegraphed +to his newspaper in New York: +"He selected the razors himself and is a fine +judge of them though he does not use a +razor." If the person who sent this important +dispatch wanted to secure an Old +Master he, doubtless, would hire a canal +boatman to pass judgment upon the painting +before he put his money down.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + + +<h3>Champagne and "Champagne"</h3> + +<p>It is customary for Americans +to think that they get +the best of everything. +There are Americans who +<i>do</i> get the best of everything, +but this is because they know what is +best and are able and willing to pay for it. +But where hoi polloi thinks that it gets the +best of everything it is mistaken. Take +champagne, for instance. "A large bottle on +the ice" is a common order in New York. To +the waiter it means a bottle of champagne. +He may or may not ask if any particular +brand is required: that depends upon the +quality of the hostelry in which he is employed; +also upon the quality of the customer. The +"large bottle" is forthcoming. It contains a +label on which is printed the maker's name.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30"></a>The cork which comes out of the bottle is, +generally, much larger than the neck into +which it has been forced. It is seldom that +one hears a buyer ask to see the cork. The +average buyer of champagne would not understand +the cork's story. He is accustomed to +large and bulging corks and if he were to see +an attenuated specimen, of dark complexion +and as hard as a piece of vulcanized rubber +he would look at it with great suspicion and, +doubtless, refuse the wine. But an experienced +waiter will know his man and will bring +him the sort of "large bottle" to which he has +been accustomed, though it will not be champagne +that a wine drinker would care to swallow. +Champagne of the "large bottle" variety +is drunk to a larger extent in the United States +than anywhere else; in fact one would not be +far wrong in saying that it is manufactured +for the American market. Generally, the best +champagne is made for England and Russia. +The people of those countries who drink champagne +have made at least a cursory study of it +and are able, at a moment's notice, to name +the best vintages of the last twenty-five or +thirty years. There are Americans who can +do this, too, but they are not of the "large +bottle" or "cold bottle" variety. The latter +are the people who account for the fact that +much more "champagne" is consumed than +is furnished by the vineyards of France.</p> + +<p class="citation"> +THOMAS B. FIELDERS. +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31"></a></p> +<h2><a name="Drift_of_the_Day" id="Drift_of_the_Day"></a><b>Drift of the Day</b></h2> + + +<p>From my station here on the housetop +my gaze wanders out over acres +of roofs—the leaded coverings of +hotels, apartment-houses, and office +buildings. They rear themselves beneath +and around me as the lesser +peaks of the Himalayas seen from Mount Everest. +My eyes ache with the diversity of their +shapes, the eccentricity of their styles, the irregularity +of their altitudes. No man viewing +them can continue blind to the independence of +the American citizen, to the ostentation of his +right of personal selection, to his individual +caprice. They stand, a brick-and-iron commentary +upon the competing ambitions of two +generations of townsmen.</p> + +<p>A hulking, twenty-story modernity stands +side by side with a dwarfish, Dutch anachronism, +but neither possesses any right of precedence +over the other. They are equal in the +eyes of the proletary. Classic and nondescript, +marble and brick, granite and iron, +unite to form the most heterogeneous collection +of fashions the earth's surface anywhere +<a name="Page_32" id="Page_32"></a>exhibits. Even Milton's blind eyes pictured +nothing so fantastic as this architectural chaos +of Manhattan, so hopeless of eventual order. +And yet are there not lacking signs that the +quaint pot-pourri of whimsicalities will one +day coalesce into a well-defined, artistic composition, +a twentieth century City Beautiful. +God grant its attainment be not unduly protracted!</p> + +<p>But it is with the insides of this vast confusion +of buildings I am presently concerned. As +the buildings are, so are the inhabitants—little +and big, tall and short, honestly constructed +and jerry built, old fashioned and up to +date, aping the fashions of a dozen civilizations. +In any one of these great structures +will be found the representatives of a dozen +nations, born to a dozen tongues, yet all conversing +in a common English, covering their +motley nationalities with a common Americanism, +united in their loyalty to the Republic. +In the diversity of its constituents lies +the strength of the American nation.</p> + +<p>No European section of the American community +sufficiently preponderates over its fellows +to affect the national sympathy toward +foreign Powers. Irish counteracts English +opinion; German sonship is balanced by the +<a name="Page_33" id="Page_33"></a>filial sentiment of the Latin races—the Slavs +and the Russian Jews have no European predilections. +Consequently, American foreign +policy is dictated by Americans for the benefit +of Americans, without reference to the warring +interests in Europe or in Asia. The men who +lead in the United States are men who, for +the most part, have not voyaged beyond the +confines of the United States. All of their +attention upon affairs of State is cast inward +upon their own land, is absolutely self-centred. +The resultant national policy is the most selfish, +but the most formidable in the world of +nations.</p> + +<p>American and Briton are alike co-heirs to the +common Anglo-Saxon heritage, but they are +brothers who differ as materially in temperament +as in ambition and in creed. The Briton +is daily becoming more cosmopolitan, his outlook +more world-wide. The shadow of the +village pump has departed from his statecraft, +and his political horizon girdles the earth. +But the American remains intensely introspective, +suspicious of foreign influence, interested +solely in his world of the Western +Hemisphere.</p> + +<p>In Britain are Little Englanders who dread +every step the nation makes in outward <a name="Page_34" id="Page_34"></a>expansion, +but there are here no Little Americanders. +The Little Englanders doubt the nation's +power to hold the nation's possessions. +Here, in the United States, are men who question +the advisability of penetrating into world +politics, but no man among them has doubt +of the nation's power to keep whatever territory +the Star Spangled Banner once has +floated over. They are merely jealous, jealous +of the absolute isolation of their commonwealth, +quick to resent any remotest possibility +of interference with it.</p> + +<p>In every American's ears rings the music of +assured success, the certainty of a rich inheritance +laid up for him and his children's children +in the internal resources of his country. +In many an Englishman's ears sound only the +doleful croakings of the prophets, the sinister +rumblings of approaching doom. Though his +pessimism be in great part born of his climate, +it has had a very real effect upon his statecraft. +It has driven him outward to find hope +and sunshine abroad, in his colonies, and in +India. It has made of the race a nation of expansionists, +reaping where they have not sown, +gathering where they have not strawed.</p> + +<p>It is otherwise here with us under a sky that +would make of Job an optimist. All around +<a name="Page_35" id="Page_35"></a>are light and color, the evidences of life and +hope. Here the whites are white, and not a +dirty drab. The streets glisten clean in the +sunlight, and every window is a reflector of +glad promise. In London, choked with fog, +and grimy with soot-dust, the Englishman cannot +see the future for smoke, cannot extract a +gleam of hope from the sodden, mud-soaked +thoroughfares. To be sanguine here on my +housetop is to be natural and in harmony with +my surroundings. To be hilarious in the +Strand is to be unnatural, to court detention +in a police cell or a lunatic asylum. There is +a wide gulf separating Sandy Hook from Land's +End, but a still wider between Pennsylvania +Avenue and the Westminster Bridge Road.</p> + +<p>And so those who have dreamed of Anglo-American +alliances awake to find themselves +deceived by the very intensity of their desires. +The bloodship between the nations is itself the +surest deterrent of alliance. Just as in the +Church marriage between nigh kinsmen is +forbidden, so political marriage between the +British and American nations can never be. +The United States is possessed of a single idea—the +consolidation and enrichment of the +United States. No interest is permitted to +clash with that paramount national ambition.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36"></a>To that end all share in the pomp and vanities +of the world is sacrificed; her ambassadors +tolerated, not supported; her Secretary +of State snubbed; her President jealously +watched in all his exchanges of courtesy with +foreign Powers. United States citizens may +be maltreated and murdered in Bulgaria or in +China, the United States will not go to war +on their behalf. Her mission is confined to +the Western Hemisphere, and over its borders +no insult, no cajolery will avail to tempt her. +Within her own sphere her temper is quick, +and her arm strong to avenge. Across the +ocean she is long suffering and slow to anger.</p> + +<p>Down here at my feet the American is engaged +in his nation-building somewhat less satisfactorily +than out in the wide world beyond. +A nation compounded of a dozen alien races +may unite on matters of foreign policy, but +in that is no warranty of harmony at home. +Domestic strife is as bitter here as in Germany +or Britain or France. I watch from my +housetop men marching in processions of protest; +I read of strikes; I hear of an infinity +of rude wranglings, of senators battling on the +floor of the forum, of disputes in the sacred +halls of Tammany. Not yet has the Irish +lamb lain down with the Virginian lion.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37"></a>It were strange were it otherwise in a land +where the city man has destroyed the home. +The American has shown no great genius for +the domestic virtues. He has hauled down the +homes of his ancestors, has builded in their stead +vast apartment-houses and tenement buildings—steam-heated +Towers of Babel. Into +each of these he has packed the population of +a European market-town, has left the children +to grow up on the roofs and staircases, the +babies to find a blessed release through rickety +fire-escapes. When a fit of reform has touched +him, he has stirred up the garbage of the Tenderloin +and the Red Light District, has spread +it broadcast over his cities to poison his wife +and his daughter.</p> + +<p>No, the American has still much to learn of +domestic politics. Let him sit with me here +any night on my housetop and he will see the +sad effects of sectarian reform and newspaper +hysteria. He will see the creatures of the +Tenderloin at home on Broadway and Fifth +Avenue where, twelve months ago, their presence +was unknown. He will see the policeman +on the beat neglect the broken lock of +my house door that haply he may learn +something of the doings of his fellow constable. +He will see a whole civil service +<a name="Page_38" id="Page_38"></a>turned into a bureau of information, a department +of espionage. He will see the entire +machinery of city government made ineffectual +in the sacred name of Reform.</p> + +<p>It was an American who made immortal the +simple phrase: "There's no place like home." +Verily, one must take a long day's journey +from New York ere he discover a place in +any essential comparable with the home of our +childhood's prattle, the home with its mother +and its mother love, its rosy boys and its sweet +faced lasses. That home has been handed +over to the house-breakers, to make way for +modern buildings, for improvements on the +surroundings that made our mothers and our +wives.</p> + +<p>Sitting here on the housetop, one wonders if +those residential skyscrapers are indeed +rooted in the foul pit of Acheron. If built in +the proportions of the iceberg, they must reach +well into the bowels of Tophet and thence derive +the evil that is in them.</p> + +<p class="citation">ROGER SKIRVING.<br /><br /><br /> +</p> + +<p class="figcenter" style="width: 352px;"> +<img src="images/003.png" width="352" height="53" alt="" title="" /> +</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39"></a></p> +<h2><a name="Lady_Bettys_Comment" id="Lady_Bettys_Comment"></a><b>Lady Betty's Comment</b></h2> + + +<p>In opposition to the familiar precept +of a patriot touching the price and +preciousness of liberty, femininity, +scorning to be free, exults in shackles. +We hesitate over our own taste, and +turn rather to the crowning of some +courageous male, with a liking and a talent +for notoriety. The duties of this gentleman +being irksome and his reward being +ridicule, it is perhaps amazing that we stand +in no nearer danger of lacking a leader for +want of aspirants than does the nation of +begging for a President. Once guided by a +master mind the most exotic may come frankly +forth to meet and struggle with the daily +weariness of dinner giving and dinner eating: +may look towards a triumphant overthrow of +those problems on what forks to use, what +jewels to adopt, what mannerisms to affect +and what fads to uplift. As our persons are +no more sacred than our habits we feel that +our vanity is never safe; and our present +despot, who owns a Turkish taste in femininity, +and insists on the fashionableness of +fat, unhappy is the woman who, like Mrs. +Spottletoe of Chuzzlewit fame, is lean and +dry and errs on the side of slimness.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The dawn of the racing season alters +the bucolic character of the roads leading +to Morris Park and makes them gay +<a name="Page_40" id="Page_40"></a>and noisy thoroughfares—conglomerations of +smart traps and rainbow frocks. The drive +to and from the track is the jolliest feature +of a programme that—as is not uncommonly +the case where the mighty are involved—smacks +not a little of sameness. The inevitable +lunch at the club house is occasionally +enlivened by a friendly tiff over the possession +of a piazza table where is offered a +view of the course combined with the comforts +of repletion, and is, in consequence, +considered a vantage point of desirability. +We meet the same people, and we eat of the +same dishes disguised in the same service, +that daily play the routine of our fashion; +for, as Thackeray says of his British, wherever +we may go, we carry with us our pills and +our prejudices. And there be times, too, +when we almost echo those cravings of poor +Becky Sharp who, having attained the summits +of society, cries in the desperation of +her ennui: "Oh, how much gayer it would +be to dance in spangles in a booth!"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>That enterprising bachelor, Mr. James +Henry Smith, evinces a nice taste in +matters feminine. His much-to-be-desired +box seat is not infrequently embellished +by the presence of Mrs. Cornelius Vanderbilt, +who this year shows a preference for the varying +shades of Quaker gray, and was recently +admired in a cloth of that color made with a +plain skirt and a blousing coat with bishop +sleeves. Mrs. Alfred likewise leans modestly +<a name="Page_41" id="Page_41"></a>towards the dove and is shown at her best in a +soft pale frock trimmed with passementerie +of the same shade and topped by a large hat +of black chip tipped well towards the right +side. Mrs. Alfred is young enough to ignore +the ravages of a possible embonpoint, but +there be other matrons who hang so uncertainly +about that borderland of beauty that +they somehow manage to convey the hint +that only by an unwinking watchfulness do +they succeed in foiling the onslaughts of his +ogreship of avoirdupois. In their eye lurks +terror and in their lines one spells their secret +of rebellious hunger; of Delsarte, gymnastics +and massage. Sometimes the matron is an +improvement on the maid. But this is not +always true. For those who turn coarse and +harsh with years, we recommend Christian +Science and a less flexible self-denial.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>We find it difficult to understand that +lack of sense and taste which led to +the recent criticisms of Mr. Jefferson's +oratory on the Actor's Home occasion. Mr. +Jefferson, happening by mistake to pass over +one of the many names of benefactors, and, +presto! there were a dozen listeners, malice-prompted, +eager to ascribe to this falter of an +old man's memory every meager and jealous +motive. An intricate and, of a necessity, a +somewhat didactic argument, delivered in +the open air, does not become the simplest of +tasks in the hands of an old gentleman who +has turned his back upon the fourscore mark. +<a name="Page_42" id="Page_42"></a>He was brave and he was most obliging to undertake +a speech of any character, and now +his payment seems to be in the customary +false, ill-natured coin.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It is said that the late Ward McAllister +shrank with peculiar distaste from the vulgarity +of divorce. If so he is to be congratulated +on passing away before the publication +of his niece's domestic misfits. Mrs. Young +is appallingly frank concerning her wrongs and +the suit threatens to be spicy; although so +far, the name of the actress corespondent +has not been given to the press. It was good +of Mr. McAllister to attempt that separation +of wheat from chaff which at one time rendered +his verdicts of such dread power among +social aspirants; it may be the irony of +mockery that to-day his family are conspicuous +upon only two points. One relative +goes clamorously into the divorce court +while another wins celebration by the showy +style of a bodice.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The gossip who predicted that the wife of +the French ambassador would decline to +be received by the Countess Cassini must +content herself as best she may with the development +of some lesser scandal, for certainly +this last effort has met refutation. Mme. +Cambon dined at the Russian embassy like +the diplomatic woman that she is.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43"></a>The visit of Miss Roosevelt to Cuba is +said to have been more or less of a failure +speaking from a Latin standpoint. Miss +Roosevelt did not "take" with the Cuban element. +She is uncompromisingly Anglo-Saxon +and lacks that pliability which would endear +her to the children of another race. Cuban +women excel in charm of mannerism and +in their eyes Miss Roosevelt appears unpolished +and uncut. We may like her better +as she is, but it is safe to say that had she +but a few added years of experience there +would have been a more gracious outcome +to her trip. Miss Roosevelt Scovel was recently +dining at Sherry's. She wore an exquisite +white frock but is not herself a pretty +girl though her grace uplifts somewhat her +mediocrity of appearance.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It is the province of brides to be as bedecked +as circumstances permit. Why then does +Mrs. Depew automobile about Washington +in a miserable machine that most people +would refuse to be seen in? Is it humility? +It is not gallant in Chauncey to permit the +lady to appear in such an antiquated rattletrap. +In appearance she is a plain woman; +sensible, gracious and nice. Her position +is a trying one which she supports with tact. +So far she has been guilty of no error of taste +and her manner with her husband is pleasant +without bearing a trace of that silliness +which the Senator's great age encouraged +Washington to expect. No one has yet<a name="Page_44" id="Page_44"></a> enjoyed +any spiteful fun at Mrs. Depew's expense +though many were on the <i>qui vive</i> +for entertainment.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Idlehours has been duly garnished for +the return of the master, who loves this +home better than the gray pile which +represents the best architectural type on +Fifth Avenue. Mr. Vanderbilt is modestly +conscious of the prestige wrested from Fournier, +and is a cheering illustration of the +soundness of open-air enjoyment.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>How often have we read of the monthly +ten thousand dollars which our ambassador +will lavish upon Brook House! +In justice to Mr. Reid it must be owned that he +is simplicity itself, and by no one is it supposed +that either he or Mrs. Reid have part +in the publication of these details. He +showed wisdom in a preference for his own +household over the proffered royal quarters +which would have been assigned him. He is +chosen for his fitness, but were he the veriest +clod the dignity of his position would still +carry with it a sufficient measure of respect. +Our desire to embellish its importance is absurd, +and the hysteria of the dailies is calculated +to place a dignified gentleman in a +ridiculous light. Mrs. Reid's name and cultivation +will doubtless enable her to support +a monotonous role with grace; but, in consideration +of British proficiency in matters +<a name="Page_45" id="Page_45"></a>ceremonial, their money will not be called +upon to add a jot to the dignity of their reception. +Their early departure has not +prevented the opening of their country place, +Ophir Hall, in the vicinity of White Plains, +while their neighbor, Colonel Astor, has long +been established at Ferncliffe.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Miss Nannie Leiter, of studious +renown, is visiting Chicago in the +company of her father. Mamma +Leiter plans a garden party in compliment +to Ambassador and Madame Cambon, while +brother Joseph courts fame from the arena of +Buffalo Bill; but for a clear space of a day or +two we have learned naught of Daisy of the +violet orbs. They are the loveliest eyes in +Washington, by contrast with which the commoner +grays and blues appeal to the enamoured +diplomats but as so many soulless +pebbles.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>From London wafts the rumor that +Alexandra, pleading a dread of copy-designing +peeresses, guards with jealous +vigilance the secret of her coronation crown, +and gossip adds that she fears to have it +duplicated by some enterprising American. +It is doubtful if the peculiar humor of the +British populace would allow of a full appreciation +of this joke. Years and etiquette +combined have led her Majesty to the thraldom +of the rouge and enamel pot. Like the +sensible woman that she is she attempts no +<a name="Page_46" id="Page_46"></a>concealment of the fact that she protects +herself from becoming hideous by the employment +of three maids whose duty it is to +successively undertake the embellishment of +the royal countenance. By means of this +relief no one of these women loses her delicacy +of eye and touch, and Alexandra blooms +with the rosy softness of a girl.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The papers seem to be woefully wrought +up over the financial rating of Mr. Harry +Lehr. Whether he is or whether he is +not a wine boomer would not ordinarily be a +query of agitating importance. Nor yet is the +exact proportion of his yearly salary of national +interest. No one ever accused this agile +gentleman of setting up for a millionaire +while his ingenuousness touching his wife's +property is disconcerting in its frankness.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Now that Tom Reed is settled in New +York one wonders somewhat that one +hears so little of his family. They are +to be congratulated on their breeding, for with +his prominence to back them they would find +notoriety an easy plum. A gentleman called +at Mr. Reed's office a day or two ago to ask +for an autograph letter on the plea that he +had in his possession one of each of the +speakers, and wound up his request with +the half joking query of "You are a great +man, are you not, Mr. Reed?" "No," said +the rotund Tom in his big-voiced drawl, +"No, but I am a good man."</p> + +<p class="citation">BETTY STAIR. +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47"></a></p> +<h2><a name="The_Play" id="The_Play"></a><b>The Play</b></h2> + + +<p>If it be true that the future is revealed +in the past, then should there be +something in the dramatic season +which is dead to indicate the character +of the season not yet born. By +the straws of public approval is the +course of the dramatic current determined +by those master mariners of the stage, the +managers of theatres. The late season has +left no great store of such buoys to mark the +fair channel to success. Of such as there are, +the purport is not altogether convincing.</p> + +<p>To record that "Du Barry" and "Beauty and +the Beast" are notable successes is but to record +that the public, as ever, is attracted by +display of rich vestments and spectacular +effect. Such straws indicate nothing more +than that a Circus or a Wild West Show will +seduce to Madison Square Garden an audience +that would fill a theatre for a month.</p> + +<p>Mr. Hawtrey's triumph at the Garrick Theatre +is as little of a guide to popular opinion as was +Anna Held's or Weber and Fields'. No +<a name="Page_48" id="Page_48"></a>manager in his senses would suggest that because +Mr. Hawtrey succeeded with "A Message +from Mars," the public are prepared to +support a series of like Christmas ghost +stories. It was the novelty that took, and the +personality of a refreshingly non-American +actor.</p> + +<p>For myself I would seek the trend of public +opinion in a very different group of plays; in +a batch that did not chronicle one single great +success, but each of which received a fair meed +of popular support. I refer to such plays as +"The Second Mrs. Tanqueray," "A Modern +Magdalen," and "Tess of the D'Urbervilles." +In such plays lies the modern tragedy. They +are addressed to the times, actual, intelligible.</p> + +<p>But such as held the New York stage in the +past season were timorously constructed, +bowdlerized by stage managers and, for the +most part, poorly acted. Two of the three +I have indicated are plays many seasons old. +The greatest of these is "The Second Mrs. +Tanqueray," interpreted for us by the greatest +actress who ever essayed the part. It +indicated a development I believe to be still +in its infancy—a development that was arrested +before it had been weaned from its first timid +suckling.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49"></a>The public does not desire the problem play. +It demands a play that will end with a curtain +definite, convincing. But in the problem +plays of the past it finds the material it fain +would see applied to a bolder, unequivocal +purpose. In the eight years that have elapsed +since the production of Pinero's "Tanqueray," +the public's stomach has been strengthened. +It is able to digest tragedies in drawing +rooms. It no longer requires peptonized +drama. The playgoer no longer demands +whatever of primal passion is presented to him +to be dressed in doublet and hose. He can +accept plain truths in the speech of the day, +villains and heroines in the costume of the +clubs and Fifth Avenue.</p> + +<p>The great play of the future must be a play of +the times, must deal with the real things of +life, must balk at no expression of modern tendencies, +must reveal the skeleton in the twentieth +century cupboard.</p> + +<p>The days of the historical romance are happily +ended. Such milk and water diet is food not +fit for men. The new dramatist must provide +us with strong meat, properly served by players +of intelligence and insight, if dramatic art +is to be rescued from the slough into which it +has so miserably sunk. The question is: Can +<a name="Page_50" id="Page_50"></a>America produce a writer of sufficient originality, +a manager of sufficient courage, an actor +of sufficient understanding to give the public +what it asks?</p> + +<p>If such there be, their names are not Clyde +Fitch or David Belasco, Charles Frohman or +Daniel Frohman, Richard Mansfield or Amelia +Bingham.</p> + +<p class="citation">JAQUES.<br /><br /> +</p> + +<p class="figcenter" style="width: 31px;"> +<img src="images/006.png" width="31" height="28" alt="" title="" /> +</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<h2><a name="Artistic_Disarray" id="Artistic_Disarray"></a>Artistic Disarray</h2> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">A sweet disorder in the dress<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Kindles in clothes a wantonness;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A lawn about the shoulders thrown<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Into a fine distraction—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An erring lace which here and there<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Enthrals the crimson stomacher,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A cuff neglectful, and thereby<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ribbands to flow confusedly,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A winning wave deserving note,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In the tempestuous petticoat,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A careless shoe-string, in whose tie<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I see a wild civility,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Do more bewitch me, than when art<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Is too precise in every part.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i10">—Robert Herrick.<br /></span> +</div></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51"></a></p> +<h2><a name="Tavern_Series" id="Tavern_Series"></a>Tavern Series</h2> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="That_Smuggled_Silk" id="That_Smuggled_Silk"></a>That Smuggled Silk</h2> + +<p class="center">By THE OLD LOBBYIST</p> + + +<p>Should your curiosity invite it, and +the more since I promised you the +story, we will now, my children, go +about the telling of that one operation +in underground silk. It is not +calculated to foster the pride of an +old man to plunge into a relation of dubious +doings of his youth. And yet, as I look backward +on that one bit of smuggling of which I +was guilty, so far as motive was involved, I exonerate +myself. I looked on the government, +because of the South's conquest by the North, +and that later ruin of myself through the +machinations of the Revenue office, as both +a political and a personal foe. And I felt, +not alone morally free, but was impelled besides +in what I deemed a spirit of justice to +myself, to wage war against it as best I might. +It was on such argument, where the chance +proffered, that I sought wealth as a smuggler. +I would deplete the government—forage, as +it were, on the enemy—thereby to fatten my +purse. Of course, as my hair has whitened +with the sifting frosts of years, I confess that +my sophistries of smuggling seem less and +less plausible, while smuggling itself loses +whatever of romantic glamour it may have +<a name="Page_52" id="Page_52"></a>been invested with or what little color of respect +to which it might seem able to lay claim.</p> + +<p>This tale shall be told in simplest periods. +That is as should be; for expression should +ever be meek and subjugated when one's +story is the mere story of a cheat. There is +scant room in such recital for heroic phrase. +Smuggling, and paint it with what genius one +may, can be nothing save a skulking, hiding, +fear-eaten trade. There is nothing about it +of bravery or dash. How therefore, and +avoid laughter, may one wax stately in any +telling of its ignoble details?</p> + +<p>When, following my unfortunate crash in tobacco, +I had cleared away the last fragment +of the confusion that reigned in my affairs, I +was driven to give my nerves a respite and +seek a rest. For three months I had been +under severest stress. When the funeral was +done—for funeral it seemed to me—and my +tobacco enterprise and those hopes it had so +flattered were forever laid at rest, my nerves +sank exhausted and my brain was in a whirl. +I could neither think with clearness nor plan +with accuracy. Moreover, I was prey to +that depression and lack of confidence in myself, +which come inevitably as the corollary +of utter weariness.</p> + +<p>Aware of this personal condition, I put aside +thought of any present formulation of a future. +I would rest, recover poise, and win +back that optimism that belongs with health +and youth. This was wisdom; I was jaded +beyond belief; and fatigue means dejection, +and dejection spells pessimism, and pessimism +<a name="Page_53" id="Page_53"></a>is never sagacious nor excellent in any of its +programmes.</p> + +<p>For that rawness of the nerves I speak of, +many apply themselves to drink; some rush +to drugs; for myself, I take to music. It +was midwinter, and grand opera was here. +This was fortunate. I buried myself in a +box, and opened my very pores to those +nerve-healthful harmonies. In a week thereafter +I might call myself recovered. My +soul was cool, my eye bright, my mind clear +and sensibly elate. Life and its promises +seemed mightily refreshed.</p> + +<p>No one has ever called me superstitious, and +yet to begin my course-charting for a new +career, I harked back to the old Astor House. +It was there that brilliant thought of tobacco +overtook me two years before. Perhaps an +inspiration was to dwell in an environment. +Again I registered, and finding it tenantless, +took over again my old room.</p> + +<p>Still I cannot say, and it is to that hostelry's +credit, that my domicile at the Astor aided +me to my smuggling resolves. Those last +had growth somewhat in this fashion: I had +dawdled for two hours over coffee in the cafe—the +room and the employment which had +one-time brought me fortune—but was incapable +of any thought of value. I could +decide on nothing good. Indeed, I did +naught save mentally curse those Washington +revenue miscreants who, failing of blackmail, +had destroyed me for revenge.</p> + +<p>Whatever comfort may lurk in curses, at +least they carry no money profit; so after a +<a name="Page_54" id="Page_54"></a>fruitless session over coffee and maledictions, +I arose, and as a calmative, walked down +Broadway. At Trinity churchyard, the gates +being open, I turned in and began ramblingly +to twine and twist among the graves. There +I encountered a garrulous old man who, for +his own pleasure, evidently, devoted himself +to my information. He pointed out the grave +of Fulton, he of the steamboats; then I was +shown the tomb of that Lawrence who would +"never give up the ship"; from there I was +carried to the last low bed of the love-wrecked +beautiful Charlotte Temple.</p> + +<p>My eye at last, by the alluring voice and +finger of the old guide, was drawn to a spot +under the tower where sleeps the Lady Cornbury, +dead now as I tell this, hardly two +hundred years. Also I was told of that Lord +Cornbury, her husband, once governor of +the colony for his relative, Queen Anne; and +how he became so much more efficient as a +smuggler and a customs cheat, than ever he +was as an executive, that he lost in 1708 his +high employment.</p> + +<p>Because I had nothing more worthy to occupy +my leisure, I listened—somewhat listlessly, +I promise you, for after all I was +thinking of the future not the past, and considering +of the living rather than those old +dead folk, obscure, forgotten in their slim +graves—I listened, I say, wordlessly to my +gray historian; and somehow, after I was +free of him, the one thing that remained alive +in my memory was the smuggling story of +our Viscount Cornbury.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55"></a>Among those few acquaintances I had formed +during my brief prosperity, was one with a +gentleman named Harris, who had owned +apartments under mine on Twenty-second +Street. Harris was elegant, educated, traveled, +and apparently well-to-do in riches. +Busy with my own mounting fortunes, the +questions of who Harris was? and what he +did? and how he lived? never rapped at the +door of my curiosity for reply. One night, +however, as we sat over a late and by no +means a first bottle of wine, Harris himself +informed me that he was employed in smuggling; +had a partner-accomplice in the Customs +House, and perfect arrangements aboard +a certain ship. By these last double advantages, +he came aboard with twenty trunks, +if he so pleased, without risking anything +from the inquisitiveness or loquacity of the +officers of the ship; and later debarked at +New York with the certainty of going scatheless +through the customs as rapidly as his Inspector +partner could chalk scrawlingly +"O.K." upon his sundry pieces of baggage.</p> + +<p>Coming from Old Trinity, still mooting Cornbury +and his smugglings, my thoughts turned +to Harris. Also, for the earliest time, I began +to consider within myself whether smuggling +was not a field of business wherein a +pushing man might grow and reap a harvest. +The idea came to me to turn "free-trader." +The government had destroyed me; I would +make reprisal. I would give my hand to +smuggling and spoil the Egyptian.</p> + +<p>At once I sought Harris and over a glass of +<a name="Page_56" id="Page_56"></a>Burgundy—ever a favorite wine with me—we +struck agreement. As a finale, we each +put in fifteen thousand dollars and with the +whole sum of thirty thousand dollars Harris +pushed forth for Europe while I remained +behind. Harris visited Lyons; and our complete +investment was in a choicest sort of +Lyons silk. The rich fabrics were packed +in a dozen trunks—not all alike, these trunks, +but differing, one from another, so as to prevent +the notion as they stood about the +wharf that there was aught of relationship +between them or that one man stood owner +of them all.</p> + +<p>It is not needed to tell of my partner's voyage +of return. It was without event and one may +safely abandon it, leaving its relation to +Harris himself, if he be yet alive and should +the spirit him so move. It is enough for +the present purpose that in due time the +trunks holding our precious silk-bolts, with +Harris as their convoy, arrived safe in New +York. I had been looking for the boat's +coming and was waiting eagerly on the wharf +as her lines and her stagings were run ashore. +Our partner, the Inspector, and who was to +enjoy a per cent of the profits of the speculation, +was named Lorns. He rapidly chalked +"O.K." with his name affixed to the end of +each several trunk, and it thereupon with +the balance of inspected baggage was promptly +piled upon the wharf.</p> + +<p>There had been a demand for drays, I remember, +and on this day when our silks +came in, I was able to procure but one. The +<a name="Page_57" id="Page_57"></a>ship did not dock until late in the afternoon, +and at eight o'clock of a dark, foggy April +evening, there still remained one of our +trunks—the largest of all, it was—on the +wharf. The dray had departed with the +second load for that concealing loft on Reade +Street which, in Harris' absence, I had taken +to be used as the depot of those smuggling +operations wherein we might become engaged. +I had made every move with caution; +I had never employed our real names, not +even with the drayman.</p> + +<p>As I was telling, the dray was engaged about +the second trip. This last large silk-trunk +was left behind perforce; pile it how one +might, there had been no safe room for it on +the already overloaded dray. The drayman +had promised to return and have it safely in +our loft that night.</p> + +<p>For myself, I was from first to last lounging +about the wharf, overseeing the going away +of our goods. Harris, so soon as I gave him +key and street-number had posted to Reade +Street to attend the silk's reception. Waiting +for the coming back of the conveying +dray was but a slow, dull business, and I was +impatiently, at the hour I've named, walking +up and down, casting an occasional glance at +the big last trunk where it stood on end, a bit +drawn out and separated from that common +mountain of baggage wherewith the wharf +was piled. One of the general inspectors, a +man I had never seen but whom I knew, by +virtue of his rank, to be superior to our chalk-wielding +coparcener, Lorns, also paced the +<a name="Page_58" id="Page_58"></a>wharf and appeared to bear me company in +a distant, non-communicative way. This +customs captain and myself, save for an under +inspector named Quin, had the dock to ourselves. +The boat was long in and most land +folk had gotten through their concern with +her and wended homeward long before. +There were, however, many passengers of +emigrant sort still held aboard the ship.</p> + +<p>As I marched up and down, Lorns came +ashore and pretended some business with his +superior officer. As he returned to the ship +and what duties he had still to perform there, +he made a slight signal to both myself and +his fellow inspector, Quin, to follow him. I +was well known to Lorns, having had several +talks with him, while Harris was abroad. +Quin I had never met; but it quickly appeared +that he was a confidant of Lorns, and +while without a money interest in our affairs +was ready to bear a helping hand should a +situation commence to pinch.</p> + +<p>Quin and I went severally and withal carelessly +aboard ship, and not at all as +though we were seeking Lorns. This was to +darken the chief, who was not in our secrets +and whom we both surmised to be the cause +of Lorns' signal.</p> + +<p>Once aboard, and gathered in a dark corner, +Lorns began at once:</p> + +<p>"Let me do the talking," said Lorns with a +nervous rapidity that at once enlisted the +ears of Quin and myself. "Don't interrupt, +but listen. The chief suspects that last +trunk. I can tell it by the way he acts. A +<a name="Page_59" id="Page_59"></a>bit later, when I come ashore, he'll ask to +have it opened. Should he do so, we're +gone; you and I." This last was to me. +Then to Quin: "Do you see that tall lean +Swiss, with the long boots and porcelain +pipe? He's in an ugly mood, doesn't speak +English, and within one minute after you +return to the wharf, he and I will be entangled +in a rough and tumble riot. I'll attend to +that. The row will be prodigious. The +chief will be sent for to settle the war, and +when he leaves the wharf, Quin, don't wait; +seize on that silk trunk and throw it into the +river. There's iron enough clamped about +the corners to sink it; besides, it's packed so +tightly it's as heavy as lead, and will go to +the bottom like an anvil. Then from the +pile pull down some trunk similar to it in +looks and stand it in its place. Give the +new trunk my mark, as the chief has already +read the name on the trunk. Go, Quin; I +rely on you."</p> + +<p>"You can trust me, my boy," retorted Quin +cheerfully, and turning on his heel, he was +back on the wharf in a moment, and apparently +busy about the pile of baggage.</p> + +<p>Suddenly there came a mighty uproar aboard +ship. Lorns and the Swiss, the latter already +irate over some trouble he had experienced, +were rolling about the deck in a +most violent scrimmage, the Swiss having +decidedly the worst of the trouble. The +chief rushed up the plank; Lorns and the +descendant of Tell and Winkelried, were +torn apart; and then a double din of explanation +<a name="Page_60" id="Page_60"></a>ensued. After ten minutes, the +chief was able to straighten out the difficulty—whatever +its pretended cause might be I +know not; for I held myself warily aloof, +not a little alarmed by what Lorns had communicated—and +repaired again to his station +upon the wharf. As he came down the plank, +Quin, who had not been a moment behind +him in going aboard to discover the reasons +of the riot, followed. Brief as was that moment, +however, during which Quin had lingered +behind, he had made the shift suggested +by Lorns; the silk trunk was under the river, +a strange trunk stood in its stead. As the +chief returned, he walked straight to this +suspected trunk and tipped it down with his +foot. Then to Quin:</p> + +<p>"Ask Lorns to step here."</p> + +<p>Quin went questing after Lorns; shortly +Lorns and Quin came back together. The +chief turned in a brisk, sharp, official way to +Lorns:</p> + +<p>"Did you inspect this trunk?"</p> + +<p>"I did," said Lorns, looking at the chalk +marks as if to make sure.</p> + +<p>"Open it!"</p> + +<p>No keys were procurable; the owners, Lorns +said, had long since left the docks. But +Lorns suggested that he get hammer and +cold chisel from the ship.</p> + +<p>The trunk was opened and found free and +innocent of aught contraband. The chief +wore a puzzled, dark look; he felt that he'd +been cheated, but he couldn't say how. +Therefore being wise, the chief gulped, said +<a name="Page_61" id="Page_61"></a>nothing, and as life is short and he had many +things to do, soon after left the docks and +went his way.</p> + +<p>"That was a squeak!" said Lorns when we +were at last free of the dangerous chief. +"Quin, I thank you."</p> + +<p>"That's all right," retorted Quin, with a grin; +"do as much for me some time."</p> + +<p>That night, with the aid of a river rat, our +trunk, jettisoned by the excellent Quin, was +fished up; and being tight as a drum, its +contents had come to little harm with their +sudden baptism. At last, our dozen silk +trunks—holding a treasure of thirty thousand +dollars and whereon we looked to clear a +heavy profit—were safe in the Reade Street +loft; and my hasty heart, which had been +beating at double speed since that almost +fatal interference, slowed to normal count.</p> + +<p>One might now suppose that our woes were +at an end, all danger over, and nothing to do +but dispose of our shimmering cargo to best +advantage. Harris and I were of that spirit-lifting +view; we began on the very next day +to feel about for customers.</p> + +<p>Harris, whose former smuggling exploits had +dealt solely with gems, knew as little of silk +as did I. Had either been expert we might +have foreseen a coming peril into whose +arms we in our blindness all but walked. +No, my children, our troubles were not yet +done. We had escaped the engulfing suck of +Charybdis, only to be darted upon by those +six grim mouths of her sister monster, Scylla, +over the way.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62"></a>Well do I recall that morning. I had seen +but two possible purchasers of silks when +Harris overtook me. His eye shone with +alarm. Lorns had run him down with the +news—however he himself discovered it, I +never knew—that another peril was yawning. +Harris hurried me to our Reade Street +lair and gave particulars.</p> + +<p>"It seems," said Harris, quite out of breath +with the speed we'd made in hunting cover, +"that A.T. Stewart is for America the sole +agent of these particular brands of silk which +we've brought in. Some one to whom we've +offered them has notified the Stewart company. +At this moment and as we sit here, +the detectives belonging to Stewart, and for +all I may guess, the whole Central Office as +well, are on our track. They want to discover +who has these silks; and how they +came in, since the customs records show no +such importations. And there's a dark characteristic +to these silks. Each bolt has its +peculiar, individual selvage. Each, with a +sample of its selvage, is registered at the +home looms. Could anyone get a snip of +a selvage he could return with it to Lyons, +learn from the manufacturers' book just +when it was woven, when sold, and to whom. +I can tell you one thing," observed Harris, as +he concluded his story, "we're in a bad corner."</p> + +<p>How the cold drops spangled my brows! I +began to wish with much heart that I'd never +met Harris; nor heard, that Trinity churchyard +<a name="Page_63" id="Page_63"></a>day, of Cornbury and his devious smuggling +methods of gathering wealth.</p> + +<p>There was one ray of hope; neither Harris +nor I had disclosed our names, nor the whereabouts +or quantity of the silks; and as each +had been dealing with folk with whom he'd +never before met, we were both as yet mysteries +unsolved. Nor were we ever solved. +Harris and I kept off the streets during daylight +hours for a full month. We were not +utterly idle; we unpleasantly employed ourselves +in trimming away that tell-tale selvage. +Preferring safety to profit, we put forth no +efforts to realize on our speculations for almost +a year. By that time the one day's +wonder of "Who's got A.T. Stewart's silks?" +had ceased to disturb the mercantile world +and the grand procession of dry goods interest +had passed on and over it. At last we crept +forth like felons—as of good sooth! we were—and +disposed of our mutilated silks to certain +good folk whose forefathers once ruled Palestine. +These beaky gentry liked bargains, +and were in nowise curious; they bought our +wares without lifting an eyebrow of inquiry, +and from them constructed—though with +that I had no concern—those long "circulars," +so called, which were the feminine joy +a third of a century gone. As to Harris and +myself; what with delays, what with expenses, +what with figures reduced to dispose +of our plunder, we got evenly out. We got +back our money; but for those fear-shaken +hours of two separate perils, we were never +paid.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64"></a>For myself, I smuggled no more. Still, I +did not relinquish my pious purpose to +despoil that public treasury Egyptian quoted +heretofore. Neither did I give up the Customs +as a rich theater of illicit endeavor. +Only my methods changed. I now decided +that I, myself, would become an Inspector, +like unto the useful Lorns, and make my +fortune from the opulent inside. I procured +the coveted appointment, for I could bring +power to bear, and some future day I'll tell +you of "The Emperor's Cigars."<br /><br /><br /></p> + +<p class="figcenter" style="width: 297px;"> +<img src="images/005.png" width="297" height="182" alt="" title="" /> +</p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Onlooker, Volume 1, Part 2, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ONLOOKER, VOLUME 1, PART 2 *** + +***** This file should be named 16680-h.htm or 16680-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/6/6/8/16680/ + +Produced by Bill Tozier, Barbara Tozier, Diane Monico, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Onlooker, Volume 1, Part 2 + +Author: Various + +Editor: Alfred Henry Lewis + +Release Date: September 11, 2005 [EBook #16680] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ONLOOKER, VOLUME 1, PART 2 *** + + + +Produced by Bill Tozier, Barbara Tozier, Diane Monico, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + +=The +Onlooker= + +Alfred Henry Lewis +Editor + +Vol. I +NEW YORK, MAY 28, 1902 +Part 2 + +[Illustration] + + "Sir Oliver, we live in a dammed wicked world, and the fewer + we praise the better." + + --Sir Peter Teazle. + +FIVE CENTS +ONCE A WEEK + + + + +=The Onlooker= + + + + +The Onlooker + +Subscription: One Dollar a Year +Price: Five Cents + + +CONTENTS + + +THE CASUAL CLUB + + Tammany and Its Missing Funds--Mr. + Nixon and his Failure--Mr. Carroll's + Troubles with Mr. Croker--The Latter + Gone for Good + +POETRY + +AS YOU LIKE IT Fielders + + Who Loves a Lord?--Killing for + Futurity--Mistake in Vocation--Foreign + Devils Again--Heaven or Hell--Adam + a Myth--Hurrah for Noah--Callow + Judgment--Champagne and "Champagne" + +THE PLAY Jaques + +LADY BETTY'S COMMENT Betty Stair + +DRIFT OF THE DAY Skirving + +THAT SMUGGLED SILK By the Old Lobbyist + + +Copyrighted by The Observer Publishing Co., 1902 + +The Observer Publishing Company +Mercantile Library Building +Astor Place, New York City + + + + +=The Onlooker= + +Vol. I MAY 28, 1902 Part 2 + + + + +=The Casual Club= + + +On last Thursday evening the Casual Club was gathered about a corner +table in Sherry's. The great room was beautiful, the music brilliant, +the setting and table appointments magnificent, and the dinner all +that might be asked. There came but one thing to grieve the tempers of +our members--the service was slip-shod, inattentive, vile. One wonders +that so splendid an arrangement should be left unguarded in the most +important particular of service; that Sherry, when he has done so +much, should permit himself to be foiled of a last result by an idle +carelessness of waiters, who if they do not forget one's orders +outright, execute them with all imaginable sloth. They attend on +guests as though the latter were pensioners, and are listless in +everything save a collection of the gratuity, personal to themselves, +which their avarice and a public's weakness have educated them to +expect. + + * * * * * + +Clams had occurred, and while we were discussing these small +sea-monsters, Fatfloat broke suddenly forth. "I don't know if it be a +subject for self-gratulation or no, but I observed that the daily +papers took quick note of my statement that Tammany Hall was looted of +its last shilling. For the guidance of these energetic folk of ink and +types, I will unfold a further huddle of details. Instead of nine +hundred thousand dollars, there were more than one million collected +for the Tammany campaign. No one can show where so much as two hundred +thousand dollars were honestly disbursed. Let me tell a story; it may +suggest an idea to our diligent friends of the Dailies. There is a +rotund, porpoise-shaped globular gentleman known of these parts as +'Bim the Button Man.' This personage went into the printing business +at the beginning of the late campaign and went out of it--like blowing +out a candle--at the close. Bim the Button Man, for his brief parade +as a printer, took a partner. Or perhaps the partner took Mr. Bim. The +partner was and is a doughty 'leader.' It was the new-made firm of +'Bim' that flourished in the production of those posters and +lithographs of Mr. Shepard which for so long disfigured the town. Mr. +Mitchell, printer, complained bitterly over this invasion of his +rights by Mr. Bim. The latter snapped pudgy fingers at the querulous +Mr. Mitchell by virtue of his powerful partner. Who was Mr. Bim's +partner? One year before when Mr. Mitchell's bill was seven thousand +dollars, Mr. Croker, being in a frugal mood, felt excessively pained. +Why then should it mount last autumn to three hundred thousand dollars +and excite neither grief nor reproach? And what was got for those +three hundred thousand dollars? When a show leaves New York, it +carries posters wherewith to embellish each fence and bill board in +the land; and yet no show ever paid more than ten thousand dollars for +paper. Five thousand dollars will cover every possible coign of +bill-sticking advantage and hang, besides, a lithograph of Mr. Shepard +in every window in the city of New York. Then wherefore those three +hundred thousand dollars of Tammany? There be folk on the finance +committee who should go into this business with a lantern. The most +hopeful name of these is Mr. McDonald, our great subway contractor +and partner of Mr. August Belmont; he is a member of that committee. +He is, too, a gentleman of intelligence, business habits and high +worth. Mr. McDonald of the subway, for his own credit and that of Mr. +Belmont, his partner, should never sleep until he turned out the +bottom facts of that Tammany treasure which has disappeared. Nor +should a common interest with Mr. Croker and certain of that +gentleman's retainers in the Port Chester railway deter him. Is there +no honest man in Athens?" + + * * * * * + +It was at the close of the repast and when cigars were smokily going +that Vacuum returned to the subject of Tammany Hall. + +"Let me congratulate you, my dear Enfield," observed Vacuum +courteously, "on your genius for prophecy. At our last meeting, you +foretold the near overthrow of Mr. Nixon and the Croker regime. The +papers inform me that all came to pass within the two days following +your warning." + +"Yes," said Lemon sarcastically, taking the words from Enfield, "we +have been visited with that fell calamity, the collapse of Mr. Croker +and his rule. We have seen the black last of him, and the very name +of Croker already begins to be a memory. But why should one repine?" +Lemon's sneer was deepening. "In every age the other great have come +and ruled and gone to that oblivion beyond. They arose to fall and be +forgot. It is the law. Then why not Mr. Croker? True, even while we +consent, there comes that natural sadness which I now observe to +sparkle so brightly in every present eye. What then? We console +ourselves as did Chief Justice Crewe full two centuries and a half ago +when the decadence of De Vere claimed consideration. 'I have labored,' +quoth Crewe, who if that be possible was more moved over the waning of +De Vere than am I concerning the passing of Mr. Croker, 'I have +labored to make a covenant with myself that affection may not press +upon judgment; for I suppose there is no man that hath any +apprehension of gentry or nobleness but his affection stands to the +continuance of a house so illustrious and would take hold on a twig or +a twinethread to support it. And yet Time hath his revolutions; there +must be a period and an end to all temporal things--finis rerum--an +end of names and dignities and whatsoever is terrene; and why not of +De Vere? For where is Bohun? where is Mowbray? where is Mortimer? +nay, which is more and most of all, where is Plantagenet? They are +entombed in the urns and sepulchres of mortality!' And, as it was of +that ancient day of Crewe and the De Vere so must it be of us and Mr. +Croker. He goes; we stay; and so let us drink to all." Here Lemon +filled his glass, and the rest having amiably followed his example, +offered with a wicked twinkle, "The disappearance of Mr. Croker!" + + * * * * * + +"What I regret in the business," remarked Fatfloat as he put down his +glass, "is the ill fortune of Mr. Nixon. There is much of good honesty +about that gentleman; he is high-minded and proud; I cannot but +sympathize with him in his present plight." + +"And yet," observed Enfield, mildly, "Mr. Nixon should have avoided +that trap of an empty leadership. Mr. Nixon is no stripling; he knew +Tammany and those elements of mendacity and muddy intrigue which are +called its 'control'; he knew Mr. Croker, who in these last days was +faithful to no promise and loyal to no man. Why did he permit himself +to be flattered, cozened and destroyed? Why? He added inexperience to +vanity and betrayed himself. It was the old story--the conference of +that leadership on Mr. Nixon--the old story of the Wolf and Little Red +Riding Hood, with Mr. Croker as Wolf and Mr. Nixon the innocent who +was eaten up. No, no; he might have better guided himself. Mr. +Nixon--were all about the friendliest--was still unfit for the place. +It was like putting a horse in a tree-top; it gave the horse no grace +nor glory and offered a sole assurance of his finally falling out." + + * * * * * + +"Isn't Mr. Nixon himself an honest man?" asked Van Addle. + +"Were it to be merely a question of honesty," replied Enfield, "Mr. +Nixon would make perfect answer. Broadly, he is an honest man. But +that, politically, is all. And there be enterprises, such as Tammany +Hall and the Stock Market, wherein to be merely honest is not a +complete equipment. Moreover, in this business of his so-called +'leadership,' Mr. Nixon might have carried himself with a more +sensitive integrity and been bettered vastly thereby. You will recall +that when Mr. Nixon performed as chairman of the Tammany anti-vice +committee, he discovered in its entire membership that combine of +blackmail and extortion which, standing at the head of Tammany and +doing its foul work through the police, fostered crime in the +community for a round return of four millions a year. Mr. Nixon called +these evil folk by name and pointed to them. He could still relate +that roll and never miss an individual. And if he did not put actual +hand on the sly presiding genius, I warrant you he might, were he so +inclined, indite a letter to him and get the address right." + +"And the postage would be five cents," interjected Lemon. + +"With this knowledge," continued Enfield without heeding Lemon's +interruption, "and with his record as a foe of corruption, Mr. Nixon, +had he been wise as a captain, or true to himself as a man, would have +called about him the cleaner elements. He would have reminded them of +the people's verdict of November and told them plainly that the rogues +must go. He should have been loyal to himself. He should have made the +issue against the corruptionists; he should have waged prompt and +bitter war, and either destroyed them or died like a soldier high up +on the ramparts. Mr. Nixon would have then become a martyr or a hero; +and between the two there after all goes flowing no mighty +difference. A martyr is a hero who failed; a hero is a martyr who +succeeded; both gain the veneration of a people, and die or live +secure of self-respect. Mr. Nixon should have uplifted the standards +of a new crusade against that handful of great robbers who, making +Tammany their stronghold, issued forth to a rapine of the town. Nor, +had he done so, would he have fallen in the battle. As I have already +said, nineteen of every Tammany twenty would have come round him for +that fight. He would have conquered a true leadership and advanced a +public interest while upbuilding his party. Mr. Nixon, however, failed +tamely in the very arms of opportunity. He kept to the same ignoble +counsel that had so wrought disrepute for Mr. Croker. And, afar from +thoughts of assailing those who had dragged Tammany Hall through mire +to achieve their villain ends, he went openly into their districts, +commended them to the voters, hailed them as his friends and urged +their retention in the executive board. Is it marvel, then, that Mr. +Nixon as a 'leader' took no root? or that by the earliest gust of +opposition he was overblown? It could not have come otherwise; he +fairly threw himself beneath the wheels of Fate." + +"As to the future of Tammany Hall," said Vacuum, "will Mr. Croker +make further effort to dominate it and send it orders from abroad?" + +"Undoubtedly," returned Enfield, to whom the query was put, "Mr. +Croker will strive in all ways to prolong himself. It is with him both +a matter of money and a matter of pride. But he will fail; his whilom +follower, Mr. Carroll, is too powerful. Mr. Carroll is in possession +and will yield only to Mr. Martin,--that inveterate foe of Mr. +Croker." + +"Do you know why Mr. Croker attacked Mr. Carroll just before he left?" +asked Vacuum "and ordered his destruction? One morning, he was taken +by Mr. Fox to view Mr. Carroll's building operations near Fifth Avenue +in Fifty-seventh Street. Mr. Fox called attention to the grandeur of +Mr. Carroll's plans. The workmen were tearing down a house to make +room for Mr. Carroll's coming palace. Mr. Croker gazed for full ten +minutes in wordless, moody gloom. Then turning to the sympathetic Mr. +Fox he broke forth: 'What do you think of that? He's tearing down a +better house than mine!' From that moment Mr. Croker went about the +tearing down of Mr. Carroll." + +"I had not supposed him so small," said Fatfloat, "as to feel piqued +because Mr. Carroll would build a better house than his own." + +"He didn't feel piqued," said Lemon; "he felt plundered, and doubtless +asked a question concerning Mr. Carroll that has been so often asked +about himself." + + * * * * * + +"And yet," observed Van Addle, appealing to Enfield, "I should love +prodigiously to hear your views on the situation in Tammany as it +stands. I confess both an ignorance and a curiosity for light." + +"And I am sure, my dear Van Addle," returned Enfield, "you are +heartily welcome to aught I may know or believe on the subject. A +great noble of Rome observed that to direct a wanderer aright was like +lighting another man's candle with one's own; it assisted the fortunes +of the beneficiary without subtracting from the estate of the +Samaritan. For myself, I need neither the Roman argument nor the Roman +example to create within me a benevolent willingness to hang a lantern +in the tower of truth for the guidance of any gentleman now groping as +to the actual status of Mr. Croker with Tammany Hall. + +"It requires no word to those initiate to convince them that Mr. +Croker no longer sits on the throne, and that his potentialities are +forever departed away. For myself, grown too indolent for an interest +in aught beyond the sentimentalities of politics, I sorrow that this +is so. Indifference is ever conservative and hesitates at change; and, +speaking for what is within myself and not at all perhaps for that +which is best for the public, I would have preferred a continuation of +the Croker dynasty. As it is, good sooth! Mr. Croker is destroyed. And +your ruin, of whatever character, the resort of owls, the habitat of +bats, and all across it flung the melancholy ivy--that verdant banner +of victorious decay!--is, at its loveliest, but a spectacle of +depression; and one who has witnessed Mr. Croker in his vigor must be +at least dimly affected as he beholds him take his sad and passive +place with those who were. Mr. Croker is not to be blamed as the +architect of his overthrow. With what lights that shone, his conduct +was prudent enough; and his dethronement is to be charged to +destiny--to kismet, rather than to any gate-opening carelessness on +the purblind part of himself. 'Prudentia fato major,' said the +Florentine. But the Medici was wrong, and before Death bandaged his +eyes for eternity it was given him to see that Destiny, for all his +caution and for all his craft, had fed his hopes to defeat. And yet, +while Mr. Croker may not be charged as the reason of his own removal, +some consideration of causes that incited it should have a merit and +an interest. It is one vessel crashing on a reef that points a danger, +and makes for the safety of every ship that follows, and the story of +a wrecked and drowned dictatorship cannot fail to instruct ambition in +whatever field. + +"Following the last presidential campaign, Mr. Croker sailed +Englandward to repose himself from his labors. For ten months did he +rest, recuperate, restrengthen and restore himself. And when he +departed, albeit he may have had no suspicion of that fact, Mr. Croker +left his chieftaincy behind. That was to happen in the nature of +things, and Mr. Croker would have foreseen it had he been a true +scientist of supremacy. Remember it, all ye kings and princes and +potentates among men! a crown will never travel, a scepter cannot +leave the realm, and there are no wheels on a throne. Mr. Croker was +not aware of these cardinal truths of kingcraft when he sailed away; +the knowledge became his at a time too late to have a value beyond the +speculative. Mr. Croker left the garments of his leadership behind him +and eighteen of the 'leaders' appropriated them with a plot. They +caught their chief in bathing and they stole his clothes. + +"Mr. Croker was home ten days before he missed his leadership, and +even then he was made aware of its spoliation only by beholding it in +the hands of the cabal. Mr. Croker meant Mr. Nixon for the mayoralty; +but the plotting eighteen, intriguing with Brooklyn blocked the way +with Mr. Coler. The coalition was too strong for Mr. Croker to force, +and the logic of that same word pressed to a conflict meant his +destruction in the city convention. + +"'When the lion's skin is too short,' said Lysander, 'we piece it out +with the fox's,' and while the Greeks thought this sentiment +unbecoming a descendant of Hercules, they were fain to acquiesce in +its practice when met by a peril too strong for their spears. Mr. +Croker remembered Lysander; and, being thus hedged and hemmed about, +sought safety by nominating Mr. Shepard. There need be no mistake; Mr. +Shepard was not a candidate, he was a refuge. And such a refuge as is +Scylla when one is threatened of Charybdis. + +"When Mr. Croker seized on Mr. Shepard, he defeated the Coler plot, +but made no safety for his leadership. He succeeded only in losing the +latter in a fashion less harrowing to his vanity, less obnoxious to +his self-respect. It was the old Roman at the last, who, preferring +suicide to capture, throws himself on his own sword. + +"Study the situation as Mr. Croker studied it, following the city +convention; it will aid to an understanding of what has happened +since, and tell the story of his lost leadership. Following Mr. +Shepard's nomination there lived no Croker hope. With either Mr. +Shepard or Mr. Low elected, Tammany would dwindle--as one now beholds +it--to be a third-rate influence. The autocracy of Mr. Croker would +disappear. At the best, he might beg where he had once commanded, with +every prospect of being denied. Mr. Croker, in alarm for his pride, +decided that his sole chance to quit with credit was to quit at once, +and on that thought he acted. Following the naming of Mr. Shepard he +treated with the plotters and abandoned to them half his dominion. It +was they, and not Mr. Croker, who determined the personnel of the late +county and borough tickets; one has but to remember the folk who were +named, and recall those who were not, to know that this is true. But +bad fortune overtook Mr. Croker and the eighteen who then held him in +partial thrall. The city ticket of the one, and the county and borough +tickets of the others, were beaten." + +"They were, of a hopeful verity!" interrupted Fatfloat. "They were +beaten as flat as a field of turnips! And it was in high good time, +too. Had Tammany retained the city, before 1904 the outlaws would have +stolen everything but the back fence." + +"They did not keep the city, however," continued Enfield, "and being +defeated, Mr. Croker developed with much speed an eagerness for +England. I do not blame him; while outwardly respectful, the leading +folk of his circle were cheerless and cold, for to be beaten is to be +hated in Tammany Hall. And so he made pretense of abdication and Mr. +Nixon appeared in his place. The sequel of that ill-fortuned +substitution is known. + +"Mr. Croker will continue still to hold what Tammany territory he may. +He has money interests to protect. And yet, strive and plot and battle +as best he can, it is too late. His day is over and his power lost. He +will win such consideration and no more, as Mr. Carroll and the +others grant. + +"It is to be doubted if Mr. Croker realizes how prone and dead he is. +One knows when one is wounded, but one knows not when one is killed. +Some near day, or some far day, Mr. Croker will seek to return. Then, +and not until that time, will he comprehend the palsy that has +stricken his supremacy. Mr. Croker will return only to be denied. And +that, too, will be as it should; for even a Napoleon comes back but +once to France." + + + + +=No Time Like To-Day= + + + Gather ye rose-buds while ye may, + Old Time is still a-flying; + And this same flower that smiles to-day, + To-morrow will be dying. + + Then be not coy, but use your time, + And while ye may, go marry; + For having lost but once your prime, + You may forever tarry. + + --Robert Herrick. + + + + +=As You Like It= + + +Who Loves a Lord? + +The London newspapers give one the impression that a number of English +people will attend the coronation ceremonies. It is evident that the +editors of these newspapers do not read journals which are printed in +New York and other American centers. + + * * * * * + + +Killing for Futurity + +When Balmascheff, who shot and killed M. Sipiaguine, Russia's Minister +of the Interior, was asked if he had accomplices he replied: "So many +that it is impossible to name them." He also said that he nor they +expected grace or mercy; that he and they worked for those who came +after. Some will call this the raving of an anarchist. But these know +nothing of the conditions against which Balmascheff and his kind are +warring. The Balmascheffs would prefer to gain their ends by peaceful +means, but know from experience that life is too short for success. +They do not kill for love of killing, or the notoriety that attaches +to it, but that the lot of those whose cause they champion may be made +merely endurable. Whenever the law is wilfully and successfully +disregarded that a minority may be favored there will be found a means +by which this dereliction is brought to the attention not only of the +lawbreakers, but of the world, and as the latter, in all its +divisions, contains lawbreakers who consider themselves above or +beyond the law the punishment of one is usually followed by the +punishment of others, for lawbreakers of a colossal type--like their +executioners--think in common and recognize no cleavage of +nationality. Balmascheff may not have killed the system which was +represented by M. Sipiaguine, but he chopped away a limb. Unless the +trunk is replaced by one that better befits the age it, too, will be +chopped away. + +If this be an age of reason, as is claimed for it, men who are +furnished with a capacity to think cannot be prevented from putting +their thoughts into execution. Though Balmascheff was executed on +Friday according to biblical and Russian law, there are many +Balmascheffs in the world, and it is well for the world that this is +so. + + +Mistake in Vocation + +A woman writer who considers herself a Realist says in a story +published recently: "I found a letter in my mail and read it as I +prepared my morning coffee." This is an impossible feat. She may have +prepared the coffee and then read the letter, or read the letter and +then prepared the coffee, but she did not do both simultaneously +unless she were, not a realist, but an acrobat. + + * * * * * + + +Foreign Devils Again + +Among the many reforms foisted upon China by the Powers is a college. +At the head of this college is a Foreign Devil and among its +professors are six Foreign Devils. The court of last resort, however, +is the Governor of Shantung, who is a native of China. He, quite +recently, filled the Foreign Devils with indignation because he +expelled from the college a student who refused to subscribe to the +teachings of Confucius, who was a wise as well as a learned man. The +Foreign Devils transferred some of their indignation to Mr. Conger, +the United States Minister, who "warned the Throne against infractions +of the treaties in respect to the freedom of the Chinese to practice +Christianity." This warning probably filled the Throne with even more +and hotter indignation than that which seethed in the Foreign Devils. +Why should Mr. Conger not follow the custom of his own country and +permit every religion to take care of itself? Here is a case in point. +A Mr. Noll applied for a license to preach and it was denied to him by +a Theological Seminary of the Presbyterian brand because he refused to +believe in the personality of Adam. He would not have carried his case +to the President even if he had not died. It has been asserted by a +Minister of another denomination that Noll was murdered, not in the +orthodox way, but simply because he was refused a license to preach. +If the murder theory be not untenable Noll was not of the stuff of +which martyrs are made, and as all Preachers hold that they are made +of this stuff Noll conferred a favor upon the profession by dying of +consumption. + + * * * * * + + +Heaven or Hell + +Even before Noll died a number of Presbyterian Preachers had announced +that they considered Adam, Moses, Jonah and other personages of Note +in Bible literature as Myths. With rare exceptions, there is about as +little initiative in Professional Preachers as there is in +Professional Pugilists, and the last sect of which one might have +expected such iconoclastic utterances is that which claims Calvin and +John Knox as its shining lights. I remember, as a small boy, feeling +sorry for a chum because, as a Presbyterian, he did not know and had +no means of finding out whether he had been born to go to Heaven or +Hell, and in those days both of those resorts were spelled with +capitals and pronounced with awe. Had he been able by a most rigorous +observance of all the rules laid down by God and Man to make certain +of living in a future state of beatitude I would have felt sorry for +him still, as he would be compelled, of necessity, to miss many of the +joys of this world; still his future then--though in a hard and +grinding measure--would have lain in his own hands. But whether he +became a Pirate or a Preacher was all one; he had been born to go to +Heaven or Hell and nothing that he could do could enable him to change +his final destination. In later life he, evidently, appreciated this, +for he became a Stock-Broker, after, as a Preacher, having broken most +of the Commandments and fractured the rest. Had the Dominie of the +flock of which he was a member expressed a doubt of the existence, +some years ago, of Adam, Moses or Jonah, but particularly Adam, he +would have saved my friend from much mental and some physical +distress. + + * * * * * + + +Adam a Myth + +When a hide-bound, moss-grown bigot begets doubts and then removes +them, he is like a bull in a china shop and wants to break everything +in sight, not through an innate love of destruction, but because he +has lost his rope and is too delirious to find the corral. This +throwing overboard of Adam so suddenly and without any recently +discovered evidence upon his personality or lack of it, comes in the +nature of a shock. The act has been perpetrated after the fashion of +Captain Kidd in his worst days. It shows a complete lack of even a +faint acquaintance with the small amenities that help to smooth the +ruts in social intercourse to not only order a personage of Adam's +standing and reputation to "walk the plank," but to push him off. +Besides, it shows an utter disregard for the feelings of that large +body of people who do not think, to wipe out, at one fell wipe, the +whole scheme of creation without substituting another. If there were +no Adam there could not have been a Garden of Eden or an Eve. And what +about the Apple and the Serpent and a lot of other picturesque +details? Personally, I intend to stick to my belief in Adam, not +because I ever had a high opinion of him, but because I have met a +number of men who remind me of him--men who always throw the blame on +the woman; also because I have seen several spots that would make an +admirable Eden. Besides, there is something in the story of what +happened in the Garden that rings true; not that all women would adopt +Eve's bold method, but much may be forgiven a woman who had no mother +or maiden aunt to play duenna, and who lived before either was +fashionable, or, according to the story, necessary. + + * * * * * + + +Hurrah for Noah + +But these reverend gentlemen must not go too far. One may regret Adam, +and his extinction may start fissures in many genealogical trees, but +to such of us as only "came over in the Mayflower," or "with the +Conqueror," his flop into oblivion may entail no serious damage to +existing rights. Upon Moses I always looked as a person of doubtful +parentage, and a leader who, had he lived in recent centuries, would +have been sacrificed by his own men within a month at most. His only +title to fame is that he kept the Jews for forty years from +appropriating anything but a desert which nobody else wanted and was a +blistering hindrance to them. The story of Moses certainly has weak +spots. Too much is known of the localities which he frequented. The +crossing of the Red Sea without even getting his boots full of water +seems too lurid an accomplishment for a pedestrian who consumed forty +years in reaching the confines of an ordinary desert. His +disappearance will cause but little clamor. Then there is Jonah. Those +who know the sea, or have a passing acquaintance with fish, place no +reliance upon the Jonah-whale story. Jonah will not be missed greatly. +But I must insist upon the preservation of Noah. In him are we all--no +creed nor color barred--indebted for our first striking and imperfect +impressions of the animal kingdom. No liar could have invented the +story of the flood. It is of too wholesale a character for pure +invention, and the few details which accompany it wear an air of +truth. Unless it were founded upon fact, could manufacturers all over +the world have been induced to strengthen it and put money in their +purse by turning out, annually, not millions but trillions of Noah's +arks? Once shake the belief of childhood in the stability of Noah and +ruin will fall upon a great industry, for machinery which will turn +out a never-ending stream of Noah's arks could not be driven to turn +out anything else. There is nothing to take the place of Noah's ark, +as there is no one to take the place of Noah. In other lines trade may +follow the flag, but in the Noah's ark industry it follows a belief in +Noah and is known to every flag that has ever waved, paying allegiance +to no particular banner. Before these fatiguing divines drive even a +tack into Noah's coffin, let them provide us with a personage of equal +interest and influence. If they are not permitted to move further in +their scheme of destruction until they do this, Noah is safe. They can +only try to kill; they cannot create. + + * * * * * + + +Callow Judgment + +Mr. William M. Thomas, United States Minister to Sweden, called upon +the President lately and made him a present of several Swedish razors. +A Washington correspondent at once telegraphed to his newspaper in +New York: "He selected the razors himself and is a fine judge of them +though he does not use a razor." If the person who sent this important +dispatch wanted to secure an Old Master he, doubtless, would hire a +canal boatman to pass judgment upon the painting before he put his +money down. + + * * * * * + + +Champagne and "Champagne" + +It is customary for Americans to think that they get the best of +everything. There are Americans who _do_ get the best of everything, +but this is because they know what is best and are able and willing to +pay for it. But where hoi polloi thinks that it gets the best of +everything it is mistaken. Take champagne, for instance. "A large +bottle on the ice" is a common order in New York. To the waiter it +means a bottle of champagne. He may or may not ask if any particular +brand is required: that depends upon the quality of the hostelry in +which he is employed; also upon the quality of the customer. The +"large bottle" is forthcoming. It contains a label on which is printed +the maker's name. + +The cork which comes out of the bottle is, generally, much larger +than the neck into which it has been forced. It is seldom that one +hears a buyer ask to see the cork. The average buyer of champagne +would not understand the cork's story. He is accustomed to large and +bulging corks and if he were to see an attenuated specimen, of dark +complexion and as hard as a piece of vulcanized rubber he would look +at it with great suspicion and, doubtless, refuse the wine. But an +experienced waiter will know his man and will bring him the sort of +"large bottle" to which he has been accustomed, though it will not be +champagne that a wine drinker would care to swallow. Champagne of the +"large bottle" variety is drunk to a larger extent in the United +States than anywhere else; in fact one would not be far wrong in +saying that it is manufactured for the American market. Generally, the +best champagne is made for England and Russia. The people of those +countries who drink champagne have made at least a cursory study of it +and are able, at a moment's notice, to name the best vintages of the +last twenty-five or thirty years. There are Americans who can do this, +too, but they are not of the "large bottle" or "cold bottle" variety. +The latter are the people who account for the fact that much more +"champagne" is consumed than is furnished by the vineyards of France. + + THOMAS B. FIELDERS. + + + + +=Drift of the Day= + + +From my station here on the housetop my gaze wanders out over acres of +roofs--the leaded coverings of hotels, apartment-houses, and office +buildings. They rear themselves beneath and around me as the lesser +peaks of the Himalayas seen from Mount Everest. My eyes ache with the +diversity of their shapes, the eccentricity of their styles, the +irregularity of their altitudes. No man viewing them can continue +blind to the independence of the American citizen, to the ostentation +of his right of personal selection, to his individual caprice. They +stand, a brick-and-iron commentary upon the competing ambitions of two +generations of townsmen. + +A hulking, twenty-story modernity stands side by side with a dwarfish, +Dutch anachronism, but neither possesses any right of precedence over +the other. They are equal in the eyes of the proletary. Classic and +nondescript, marble and brick, granite and iron, unite to form the +most heterogeneous collection of fashions the earth's surface anywhere +exhibits. Even Milton's blind eyes pictured nothing so fantastic as +this architectural chaos of Manhattan, so hopeless of eventual order. +And yet are there not lacking signs that the quaint pot-pourri of +whimsicalities will one day coalesce into a well-defined, artistic +composition, a twentieth century City Beautiful. God grant its +attainment be not unduly protracted! + +But it is with the insides of this vast confusion of buildings I am +presently concerned. As the buildings are, so are the +inhabitants--little and big, tall and short, honestly constructed and +jerry built, old fashioned and up to date, aping the fashions of a +dozen civilizations. In any one of these great structures will be +found the representatives of a dozen nations, born to a dozen tongues, +yet all conversing in a common English, covering their motley +nationalities with a common Americanism, united in their loyalty to +the Republic. In the diversity of its constituents lies the strength +of the American nation. + +No European section of the American community sufficiently +preponderates over its fellows to affect the national sympathy toward +foreign Powers. Irish counteracts English opinion; German sonship is +balanced by the filial sentiment of the Latin races--the Slavs and +the Russian Jews have no European predilections. Consequently, +American foreign policy is dictated by Americans for the benefit of +Americans, without reference to the warring interests in Europe or in +Asia. The men who lead in the United States are men who, for the most +part, have not voyaged beyond the confines of the United States. All +of their attention upon affairs of State is cast inward upon their own +land, is absolutely self-centred. The resultant national policy is the +most selfish, but the most formidable in the world of nations. + +American and Briton are alike co-heirs to the common Anglo-Saxon +heritage, but they are brothers who differ as materially in +temperament as in ambition and in creed. The Briton is daily becoming +more cosmopolitan, his outlook more world-wide. The shadow of the +village pump has departed from his statecraft, and his political +horizon girdles the earth. But the American remains intensely +introspective, suspicious of foreign influence, interested solely in +his world of the Western Hemisphere. + +In Britain are Little Englanders who dread every step the nation makes +in outward expansion, but there are here no Little Americanders. The +Little Englanders doubt the nation's power to hold the nation's +possessions. Here, in the United States, are men who question the +advisability of penetrating into world politics, but no man among them +has doubt of the nation's power to keep whatever territory the Star +Spangled Banner once has floated over. They are merely jealous, +jealous of the absolute isolation of their commonwealth, quick to +resent any remotest possibility of interference with it. + +In every American's ears rings the music of assured success, the +certainty of a rich inheritance laid up for him and his children's +children in the internal resources of his country. In many an +Englishman's ears sound only the doleful croakings of the prophets, +the sinister rumblings of approaching doom. Though his pessimism be in +great part born of his climate, it has had a very real effect upon his +statecraft. It has driven him outward to find hope and sunshine +abroad, in his colonies, and in India. It has made of the race a +nation of expansionists, reaping where they have not sown, gathering +where they have not strawed. + +It is otherwise here with us under a sky that would make of Job an +optimist. All around are light and color, the evidences of life and +hope. Here the whites are white, and not a dirty drab. The streets +glisten clean in the sunlight, and every window is a reflector of glad +promise. In London, choked with fog, and grimy with soot-dust, the +Englishman cannot see the future for smoke, cannot extract a gleam of +hope from the sodden, mud-soaked thoroughfares. To be sanguine here on +my housetop is to be natural and in harmony with my surroundings. To +be hilarious in the Strand is to be unnatural, to court detention in a +police cell or a lunatic asylum. There is a wide gulf separating Sandy +Hook from Land's End, but a still wider between Pennsylvania Avenue +and the Westminster Bridge Road. + +And so those who have dreamed of Anglo-American alliances awake to +find themselves deceived by the very intensity of their desires. The +bloodship between the nations is itself the surest deterrent of +alliance. Just as in the Church marriage between nigh kinsmen is +forbidden, so political marriage between the British and American +nations can never be. The United States is possessed of a single +idea--the consolidation and enrichment of the United States. No +interest is permitted to clash with that paramount national ambition. + +To that end all share in the pomp and vanities of the world is +sacrificed; her ambassadors tolerated, not supported; her Secretary of +State snubbed; her President jealously watched in all his exchanges of +courtesy with foreign Powers. United States citizens may be maltreated +and murdered in Bulgaria or in China, the United States will not go to +war on their behalf. Her mission is confined to the Western +Hemisphere, and over its borders no insult, no cajolery will avail to +tempt her. Within her own sphere her temper is quick, and her arm +strong to avenge. Across the ocean she is long suffering and slow to +anger. + +Down here at my feet the American is engaged in his nation-building +somewhat less satisfactorily than out in the wide world beyond. A +nation compounded of a dozen alien races may unite on matters of +foreign policy, but in that is no warranty of harmony at home. +Domestic strife is as bitter here as in Germany or Britain or France. +I watch from my housetop men marching in processions of protest; I +read of strikes; I hear of an infinity of rude wranglings, of senators +battling on the floor of the forum, of disputes in the sacred halls of +Tammany. Not yet has the Irish lamb lain down with the Virginian lion. + +It were strange were it otherwise in a land where the city man has +destroyed the home. The American has shown no great genius for the +domestic virtues. He has hauled down the homes of his ancestors, has +builded in their stead vast apartment-houses and tenement +buildings--steam-heated Towers of Babel. Into each of these he has +packed the population of a European market-town, has left the children +to grow up on the roofs and staircases, the babies to find a blessed +release through rickety fire-escapes. When a fit of reform has touched +him, he has stirred up the garbage of the Tenderloin and the Red Light +District, has spread it broadcast over his cities to poison his wife +and his daughter. + +No, the American has still much to learn of domestic politics. Let him +sit with me here any night on my housetop and he will see the sad +effects of sectarian reform and newspaper hysteria. He will see the +creatures of the Tenderloin at home on Broadway and Fifth Avenue +where, twelve months ago, their presence was unknown. He will see the +policeman on the beat neglect the broken lock of my house door that +haply he may learn something of the doings of his fellow constable. He +will see a whole civil service turned into a bureau of information, a +department of espionage. He will see the entire machinery of city +government made ineffectual in the sacred name of Reform. + +It was an American who made immortal the simple phrase: "There's no +place like home." Verily, one must take a long day's journey from New +York ere he discover a place in any essential comparable with the home +of our childhood's prattle, the home with its mother and its mother +love, its rosy boys and its sweet faced lasses. That home has been +handed over to the house-breakers, to make way for modern buildings, +for improvements on the surroundings that made our mothers and our +wives. + +Sitting here on the housetop, one wonders if those residential +skyscrapers are indeed rooted in the foul pit of Acheron. If built in +the proportions of the iceberg, they must reach well into the bowels +of Tophet and thence derive the evil that is in them. + + ROGER SKIRVING. + + + + +=Lady Betty's Comment= + + +In opposition to the familiar precept of a patriot touching the price +and preciousness of liberty, femininity, scorning to be free, exults +in shackles. We hesitate over our own taste, and turn rather to the +crowning of some courageous male, with a liking and a talent for +notoriety. The duties of this gentleman being irksome and his reward +being ridicule, it is perhaps amazing that we stand in no nearer +danger of lacking a leader for want of aspirants than does the nation +of begging for a President. Once guided by a master mind the most +exotic may come frankly forth to meet and struggle with the daily +weariness of dinner giving and dinner eating: may look towards a +triumphant overthrow of those problems on what forks to use, what +jewels to adopt, what mannerisms to affect and what fads to uplift. As +our persons are no more sacred than our habits we feel that our vanity +is never safe; and our present despot, who owns a Turkish taste in +femininity, and insists on the fashionableness of fat, unhappy is the +woman who, like Mrs. Spottletoe of Chuzzlewit fame, is lean and dry +and errs on the side of slimness. + + * * * * * + +The dawn of the racing season alters the bucolic character of the +roads leading to Morris Park and makes them gay and noisy +thoroughfares--conglomerations of smart traps and rainbow frocks. The +drive to and from the track is the jolliest feature of a programme +that--as is not uncommonly the case where the mighty are +involved--smacks not a little of sameness. The inevitable lunch at the +club house is occasionally enlivened by a friendly tiff over the +possession of a piazza table where is offered a view of the course +combined with the comforts of repletion, and is, in consequence, +considered a vantage point of desirability. We meet the same people, +and we eat of the same dishes disguised in the same service, that +daily play the routine of our fashion; for, as Thackeray says of his +British, wherever we may go, we carry with us our pills and our +prejudices. And there be times, too, when we almost echo those +cravings of poor Becky Sharp who, having attained the summits of +society, cries in the desperation of her ennui: "Oh, how much gayer it +would be to dance in spangles in a booth!" + + * * * * * + +That enterprising bachelor, Mr. James Henry Smith, evinces a nice +taste in matters feminine. His much-to-be-desired box seat is not +infrequently embellished by the presence of Mrs. Cornelius Vanderbilt, +who this year shows a preference for the varying shades of Quaker +gray, and was recently admired in a cloth of that color made with a +plain skirt and a blousing coat with bishop sleeves. Mrs. Alfred +likewise leans modestly towards the dove and is shown at her best in +a soft pale frock trimmed with passementerie of the same shade and +topped by a large hat of black chip tipped well towards the right +side. Mrs. Alfred is young enough to ignore the ravages of a possible +embonpoint, but there be other matrons who hang so uncertainly about +that borderland of beauty that they somehow manage to convey the hint +that only by an unwinking watchfulness do they succeed in foiling the +onslaughts of his ogreship of avoirdupois. In their eye lurks terror +and in their lines one spells their secret of rebellious hunger; of +Delsarte, gymnastics and massage. Sometimes the matron is an +improvement on the maid. But this is not always true. For those who +turn coarse and harsh with years, we recommend Christian Science and a +less flexible self-denial. + + * * * * * + +We find it difficult to understand that lack of sense and taste which +led to the recent criticisms of Mr. Jefferson's oratory on the Actor's +Home occasion. Mr. Jefferson, happening by mistake to pass over one of +the many names of benefactors, and, presto! there were a dozen +listeners, malice-prompted, eager to ascribe to this falter of an old +man's memory every meager and jealous motive. An intricate and, of a +necessity, a somewhat didactic argument, delivered in the open air, +does not become the simplest of tasks in the hands of an old gentleman +who has turned his back upon the fourscore mark. He was brave and he +was most obliging to undertake a speech of any character, and now his +payment seems to be in the customary false, ill-natured coin. + + * * * * * + +It is said that the late Ward McAllister shrank with peculiar distaste +from the vulgarity of divorce. If so he is to be congratulated on +passing away before the publication of his niece's domestic misfits. +Mrs. Young is appallingly frank concerning her wrongs and the suit +threatens to be spicy; although so far, the name of the actress +corespondent has not been given to the press. It was good of Mr. +McAllister to attempt that separation of wheat from chaff which at one +time rendered his verdicts of such dread power among social aspirants; +it may be the irony of mockery that to-day his family are conspicuous +upon only two points. One relative goes clamorously into the divorce +court while another wins celebration by the showy style of a bodice. + + * * * * * + +The gossip who predicted that the wife of the French ambassador would +decline to be received by the Countess Cassini must content herself as +best she may with the development of some lesser scandal, for +certainly this last effort has met refutation. Mme. Cambon dined at +the Russian embassy like the diplomatic woman that she is. + + * * * * * + +The visit of Miss Roosevelt to Cuba is said to have been more or less +of a failure speaking from a Latin standpoint. Miss Roosevelt did not +"take" with the Cuban element. She is uncompromisingly Anglo-Saxon and +lacks that pliability which would endear her to the children of +another race. Cuban women excel in charm of mannerism and in their +eyes Miss Roosevelt appears unpolished and uncut. We may like her +better as she is, but it is safe to say that had she but a few added +years of experience there would have been a more gracious outcome to +her trip. Miss Roosevelt Scovel was recently dining at Sherry's. She +wore an exquisite white frock but is not herself a pretty girl though +her grace uplifts somewhat her mediocrity of appearance. + + * * * * * + +It is the province of brides to be as bedecked as circumstances +permit. Why then does Mrs. Depew automobile about Washington in a +miserable machine that most people would refuse to be seen in? Is it +humility? It is not gallant in Chauncey to permit the lady to appear +in such an antiquated rattletrap. In appearance she is a plain woman; +sensible, gracious and nice. Her position is a trying one which she +supports with tact. So far she has been guilty of no error of taste +and her manner with her husband is pleasant without bearing a trace of +that silliness which the Senator's great age encouraged Washington to +expect. No one has yet enjoyed any spiteful fun at Mrs. Depew's +expense though many were on the _qui vive_ for entertainment. + + * * * * * + +Idlehours has been duly garnished for the return of the master, who +loves this home better than the gray pile which represents the best +architectural type on Fifth Avenue. Mr. Vanderbilt is modestly +conscious of the prestige wrested from Fournier, and is a cheering +illustration of the soundness of open-air enjoyment. + + * * * * * + +How often have we read of the monthly ten thousand dollars which our +ambassador will lavish upon Brook House! In justice to Mr. Reid it +must be owned that he is simplicity itself, and by no one is it +supposed that either he or Mrs. Reid have part in the publication of +these details. He showed wisdom in a preference for his own household +over the proffered royal quarters which would have been assigned him. +He is chosen for his fitness, but were he the veriest clod the dignity +of his position would still carry with it a sufficient measure of +respect. Our desire to embellish its importance is absurd, and the +hysteria of the dailies is calculated to place a dignified gentleman +in a ridiculous light. Mrs. Reid's name and cultivation will doubtless +enable her to support a monotonous role with grace; but, in +consideration of British proficiency in matters ceremonial, their +money will not be called upon to add a jot to the dignity of their +reception. Their early departure has not prevented the opening of +their country place, Ophir Hall, in the vicinity of White Plains, +while their neighbor, Colonel Astor, has long been established at +Ferncliffe. + + * * * * * + +Miss Nannie Leiter, of studious renown, is visiting Chicago in the +company of her father. Mamma Leiter plans a garden party in compliment +to Ambassador and Madame Cambon, while brother Joseph courts fame from +the arena of Buffalo Bill; but for a clear space of a day or two we +have learned naught of Daisy of the violet orbs. They are the +loveliest eyes in Washington, by contrast with which the commoner +grays and blues appeal to the enamoured diplomats but as so many +soulless pebbles. + + * * * * * + +From London wafts the rumor that Alexandra, pleading a dread of +copy-designing peeresses, guards with jealous vigilance the secret of +her coronation crown, and gossip adds that she fears to have it +duplicated by some enterprising American. It is doubtful if the +peculiar humor of the British populace would allow of a full +appreciation of this joke. Years and etiquette combined have led her +Majesty to the thraldom of the rouge and enamel pot. Like the sensible +woman that she is she attempts no concealment of the fact that she +protects herself from becoming hideous by the employment of three +maids whose duty it is to successively undertake the embellishment of +the royal countenance. By means of this relief no one of these women +loses her delicacy of eye and touch, and Alexandra blooms with the +rosy softness of a girl. + + * * * * * + +The papers seem to be woefully wrought up over the financial rating of +Mr. Harry Lehr. Whether he is or whether he is not a wine boomer would +not ordinarily be a query of agitating importance. Nor yet is the +exact proportion of his yearly salary of national interest. No one +ever accused this agile gentleman of setting up for a millionaire +while his ingenuousness touching his wife's property is disconcerting +in its frankness. + + * * * * * + +Now that Tom Reed is settled in New York one wonders somewhat that one +hears so little of his family. They are to be congratulated on their +breeding, for with his prominence to back them they would find +notoriety an easy plum. A gentleman called at Mr. Reed's office a day +or two ago to ask for an autograph letter on the plea that he had in +his possession one of each of the speakers, and wound up his request +with the half joking query of "You are a great man, are you not, Mr. +Reed?" "No," said the rotund Tom in his big-voiced drawl, "No, but I +am a good man." + + BETTY STAIR. + + + + +=The Play= + + +If it be true that the future is revealed in the past, then should +there be something in the dramatic season which is dead to indicate +the character of the season not yet born. By the straws of public +approval is the course of the dramatic current determined by those +master mariners of the stage, the managers of theatres. The late +season has left no great store of such buoys to mark the fair channel +to success. Of such as there are, the purport is not altogether +convincing. + +To record that "Du Barry" and "Beauty and the Beast" are notable +successes is but to record that the public, as ever, is attracted by +display of rich vestments and spectacular effect. Such straws indicate +nothing more than that a Circus or a Wild West Show will seduce to +Madison Square Garden an audience that would fill a theatre for a +month. + +Mr. Hawtrey's triumph at the Garrick Theatre is as little of a guide +to popular opinion as was Anna Held's or Weber and Fields'. No +manager in his senses would suggest that because Mr. Hawtrey +succeeded with "A Message from Mars," the public are prepared to +support a series of like Christmas ghost stories. It was the novelty +that took, and the personality of a refreshingly non-American actor. + +For myself I would seek the trend of public opinion in a very +different group of plays; in a batch that did not chronicle one single +great success, but each of which received a fair meed of popular +support. I refer to such plays as "The Second Mrs. Tanqueray," "A +Modern Magdalen," and "Tess of the D'Urbervilles." In such plays lies +the modern tragedy. They are addressed to the times, actual, +intelligible. + +But such as held the New York stage in the past season were timorously +constructed, bowdlerized by stage managers and, for the most part, +poorly acted. Two of the three I have indicated are plays many seasons +old. The greatest of these is "The Second Mrs. Tanqueray," interpreted +for us by the greatest actress who ever essayed the part. It indicated +a development I believe to be still in its infancy--a development that +was arrested before it had been weaned from its first timid suckling. + +The public does not desire the problem play. It demands a play that +will end with a curtain definite, convincing. But in the problem plays +of the past it finds the material it fain would see applied to a +bolder, unequivocal purpose. In the eight years that have elapsed +since the production of Pinero's "Tanqueray," the public's stomach has +been strengthened. It is able to digest tragedies in drawing rooms. It +no longer requires peptonized drama. The playgoer no longer demands +whatever of primal passion is presented to him to be dressed in +doublet and hose. He can accept plain truths in the speech of the day, +villains and heroines in the costume of the clubs and Fifth Avenue. + +The great play of the future must be a play of the times, must deal +with the real things of life, must balk at no expression of modern +tendencies, must reveal the skeleton in the twentieth century +cupboard. + +The days of the historical romance are happily ended. Such milk and +water diet is food not fit for men. The new dramatist must provide us +with strong meat, properly served by players of intelligence and +insight, if dramatic art is to be rescued from the slough into which +it has so miserably sunk. The question is: Can America produce a +writer of sufficient originality, a manager of sufficient courage, an +actor of sufficient understanding to give the public what it asks? + +If such there be, their names are not Clyde Fitch or David Belasco, +Charles Frohman or Daniel Frohman, Richard Mansfield or Amelia +Bingham. + + JAQUES. + + +=Artistic Disarray= + + + A sweet disorder in the dress + Kindles in clothes a wantonness;-- + A lawn about the shoulders thrown + Into a fine distraction-- + An erring lace which here and there + Enthrals the crimson stomacher,-- + A cuff neglectful, and thereby + Ribbands to flow confusedly,-- + A winning wave deserving note, + In the tempestuous petticoat,-- + A careless shoe-string, in whose tie + I see a wild civility,-- + Do more bewitch me, than when art + Is too precise in every part. + + --Robert Herrick. + + + + +=Tavern Series= + + +That Smuggled Silk + +By THE OLD LOBBYIST + + +Should your curiosity invite it, and the more since I promised you the +story, we will now, my children, go about the telling of that one +operation in underground silk. It is not calculated to foster the +pride of an old man to plunge into a relation of dubious doings of his +youth. And yet, as I look backward on that one bit of smuggling of +which I was guilty, so far as motive was involved, I exonerate myself. +I looked on the government, because of the South's conquest by the +North, and that later ruin of myself through the machinations of the +Revenue office, as both a political and a personal foe. And I felt, +not alone morally free, but was impelled besides in what I deemed a +spirit of justice to myself, to wage war against it as best I might. +It was on such argument, where the chance proffered, that I sought +wealth as a smuggler. I would deplete the government--forage, as it +were, on the enemy--thereby to fatten my purse. Of course, as my hair +has whitened with the sifting frosts of years, I confess that my +sophistries of smuggling seem less and less plausible, while smuggling +itself loses whatever of romantic glamour it may have been invested +with or what little color of respect to which it might seem able to +lay claim. + +This tale shall be told in simplest periods. That is as should be; for +expression should ever be meek and subjugated when one's story is the +mere story of a cheat. There is scant room in such recital for heroic +phrase. Smuggling, and paint it with what genius one may, can be +nothing save a skulking, hiding, fear-eaten trade. There is nothing +about it of bravery or dash. How therefore, and avoid laughter, may +one wax stately in any telling of its ignoble details? + +When, following my unfortunate crash in tobacco, I had cleared away +the last fragment of the confusion that reigned in my affairs, I was +driven to give my nerves a respite and seek a rest. For three months I +had been under severest stress. When the funeral was done--for funeral +it seemed to me--and my tobacco enterprise and those hopes it had so +flattered were forever laid at rest, my nerves sank exhausted and my +brain was in a whirl. I could neither think with clearness nor plan +with accuracy. Moreover, I was prey to that depression and lack of +confidence in myself, which come inevitably as the corollary of utter +weariness. + +Aware of this personal condition, I put aside thought of any present +formulation of a future. I would rest, recover poise, and win back +that optimism that belongs with health and youth. This was wisdom; I +was jaded beyond belief; and fatigue means dejection, and dejection +spells pessimism, and pessimism is never sagacious nor excellent in +any of its programmes. + +For that rawness of the nerves I speak of, many apply themselves to +drink; some rush to drugs; for myself, I take to music. It was +midwinter, and grand opera was here. This was fortunate. I buried +myself in a box, and opened my very pores to those nerve-healthful +harmonies. In a week thereafter I might call myself recovered. My soul +was cool, my eye bright, my mind clear and sensibly elate. Life and +its promises seemed mightily refreshed. + +No one has ever called me superstitious, and yet to begin my +course-charting for a new career, I harked back to the old Astor +House. It was there that brilliant thought of tobacco overtook me two +years before. Perhaps an inspiration was to dwell in an environment. +Again I registered, and finding it tenantless, took over again my old +room. + +Still I cannot say, and it is to that hostelry's credit, that my +domicile at the Astor aided me to my smuggling resolves. Those last +had growth somewhat in this fashion: I had dawdled for two hours over +coffee in the cafe--the room and the employment which had one-time +brought me fortune--but was incapable of any thought of value. I could +decide on nothing good. Indeed, I did naught save mentally curse those +Washington revenue miscreants who, failing of blackmail, had destroyed +me for revenge. + +Whatever comfort may lurk in curses, at least they carry no money +profit; so after a fruitless session over coffee and maledictions, I +arose, and as a calmative, walked down Broadway. At Trinity +churchyard, the gates being open, I turned in and began ramblingly to +twine and twist among the graves. There I encountered a garrulous old +man who, for his own pleasure, evidently, devoted himself to my +information. He pointed out the grave of Fulton, he of the steamboats; +then I was shown the tomb of that Lawrence who would "never give up +the ship"; from there I was carried to the last low bed of the +love-wrecked beautiful Charlotte Temple. + +My eye at last, by the alluring voice and finger of the old guide, was +drawn to a spot under the tower where sleeps the Lady Cornbury, dead +now as I tell this, hardly two hundred years. Also I was told of that +Lord Cornbury, her husband, once governor of the colony for his +relative, Queen Anne; and how he became so much more efficient as a +smuggler and a customs cheat, than ever he was as an executive, that +he lost in 1708 his high employment. + +Because I had nothing more worthy to occupy my leisure, I +listened--somewhat listlessly, I promise you, for after all I was +thinking of the future not the past, and considering of the living +rather than those old dead folk, obscure, forgotten in their slim +graves--I listened, I say, wordlessly to my gray historian; and +somehow, after I was free of him, the one thing that remained alive in +my memory was the smuggling story of our Viscount Cornbury. + +Among those few acquaintances I had formed during my brief +prosperity, was one with a gentleman named Harris, who had owned +apartments under mine on Twenty-second Street. Harris was elegant, +educated, traveled, and apparently well-to-do in riches. Busy with my +own mounting fortunes, the questions of who Harris was? and what he +did? and how he lived? never rapped at the door of my curiosity for +reply. One night, however, as we sat over a late and by no means a +first bottle of wine, Harris himself informed me that he was employed +in smuggling; had a partner-accomplice in the Customs House, and +perfect arrangements aboard a certain ship. By these last double +advantages, he came aboard with twenty trunks, if he so pleased, +without risking anything from the inquisitiveness or loquacity of the +officers of the ship; and later debarked at New York with the +certainty of going scatheless through the customs as rapidly as his +Inspector partner could chalk scrawlingly "O.K." upon his sundry +pieces of baggage. + +Coming from Old Trinity, still mooting Cornbury and his smugglings, my +thoughts turned to Harris. Also, for the earliest time, I began to +consider within myself whether smuggling was not a field of business +wherein a pushing man might grow and reap a harvest. The idea came to +me to turn "free-trader." The government had destroyed me; I would +make reprisal. I would give my hand to smuggling and spoil the +Egyptian. + +At once I sought Harris and over a glass of Burgundy--ever a favorite +wine with me--we struck agreement. As a finale, we each put in fifteen +thousand dollars and with the whole sum of thirty thousand dollars +Harris pushed forth for Europe while I remained behind. Harris visited +Lyons; and our complete investment was in a choicest sort of Lyons +silk. The rich fabrics were packed in a dozen trunks--not all alike, +these trunks, but differing, one from another, so as to prevent the +notion as they stood about the wharf that there was aught of +relationship between them or that one man stood owner of them all. + +It is not needed to tell of my partner's voyage of return. It was +without event and one may safely abandon it, leaving its relation to +Harris himself, if he be yet alive and should the spirit him so move. +It is enough for the present purpose that in due time the trunks +holding our precious silk-bolts, with Harris as their convoy, arrived +safe in New York. I had been looking for the boat's coming and was +waiting eagerly on the wharf as her lines and her stagings were run +ashore. Our partner, the Inspector, and who was to enjoy a per cent of +the profits of the speculation, was named Lorns. He rapidly chalked +"O.K." with his name affixed to the end of each several trunk, and it +thereupon with the balance of inspected baggage was promptly piled +upon the wharf. + +There had been a demand for drays, I remember, and on this day when +our silks came in, I was able to procure but one. The ship did not +dock until late in the afternoon, and at eight o'clock of a dark, +foggy April evening, there still remained one of our trunks--the +largest of all, it was--on the wharf. The dray had departed with the +second load for that concealing loft on Reade Street which, in Harris' +absence, I had taken to be used as the depot of those smuggling +operations wherein we might become engaged. I had made every move with +caution; I had never employed our real names, not even with the +drayman. + +As I was telling, the dray was engaged about the second trip. This +last large silk-trunk was left behind perforce; pile it how one might, +there had been no safe room for it on the already overloaded dray. The +drayman had promised to return and have it safely in our loft that +night. + +For myself, I was from first to last lounging about the wharf, +overseeing the going away of our goods. Harris, so soon as I gave him +key and street-number had posted to Reade Street to attend the silk's +reception. Waiting for the coming back of the conveying dray was but a +slow, dull business, and I was impatiently, at the hour I've named, +walking up and down, casting an occasional glance at the big last +trunk where it stood on end, a bit drawn out and separated from that +common mountain of baggage wherewith the wharf was piled. One of the +general inspectors, a man I had never seen but whom I knew, by virtue +of his rank, to be superior to our chalk-wielding coparcener, Lorns, +also paced the wharf and appeared to bear me company in a distant, +non-communicative way. This customs captain and myself, save for an +under inspector named Quin, had the dock to ourselves. The boat was +long in and most land folk had gotten through their concern with her +and wended homeward long before. There were, however, many passengers +of emigrant sort still held aboard the ship. + +As I marched up and down, Lorns came ashore and pretended some +business with his superior officer. As he returned to the ship and +what duties he had still to perform there, he made a slight signal to +both myself and his fellow inspector, Quin, to follow him. I was well +known to Lorns, having had several talks with him, while Harris was +abroad. Quin I had never met; but it quickly appeared that he was a +confidant of Lorns, and while without a money interest in our affairs +was ready to bear a helping hand should a situation commence to pinch. + +Quin and I went severally and withal carelessly aboard ship, and not +at all as though we were seeking Lorns. This was to darken the chief, +who was not in our secrets and whom we both surmised to be the cause +of Lorns' signal. + +Once aboard, and gathered in a dark corner, Lorns began at once: + +"Let me do the talking," said Lorns with a nervous rapidity that at +once enlisted the ears of Quin and myself. "Don't interrupt, but +listen. The chief suspects that last trunk. I can tell it by the way +he acts. A bit later, when I come ashore, he'll ask to have it +opened. Should he do so, we're gone; you and I." This last was to me. +Then to Quin: "Do you see that tall lean Swiss, with the long boots +and porcelain pipe? He's in an ugly mood, doesn't speak English, and +within one minute after you return to the wharf, he and I will be +entangled in a rough and tumble riot. I'll attend to that. The row +will be prodigious. The chief will be sent for to settle the war, and +when he leaves the wharf, Quin, don't wait; seize on that silk trunk +and throw it into the river. There's iron enough clamped about the +corners to sink it; besides, it's packed so tightly it's as heavy as +lead, and will go to the bottom like an anvil. Then from the pile pull +down some trunk similar to it in looks and stand it in its place. Give +the new trunk my mark, as the chief has already read the name on the +trunk. Go, Quin; I rely on you." + +"You can trust me, my boy," retorted Quin cheerfully, and turning on +his heel, he was back on the wharf in a moment, and apparently busy +about the pile of baggage. + +Suddenly there came a mighty uproar aboard ship. Lorns and the Swiss, +the latter already irate over some trouble he had experienced, were +rolling about the deck in a most violent scrimmage, the Swiss having +decidedly the worst of the trouble. The chief rushed up the plank; +Lorns and the descendant of Tell and Winkelried, were torn apart; and +then a double din of explanation ensued. After ten minutes, the chief +was able to straighten out the difficulty--whatever its pretended +cause might be I know not; for I held myself warily aloof, not a +little alarmed by what Lorns had communicated--and repaired again to +his station upon the wharf. As he came down the plank, Quin, who had +not been a moment behind him in going aboard to discover the reasons +of the riot, followed. Brief as was that moment, however, during which +Quin had lingered behind, he had made the shift suggested by Lorns; +the silk trunk was under the river, a strange trunk stood in its +stead. As the chief returned, he walked straight to this suspected +trunk and tipped it down with his foot. Then to Quin: + +"Ask Lorns to step here." + +Quin went questing after Lorns; shortly Lorns and Quin came back +together. The chief turned in a brisk, sharp, official way to Lorns: + +"Did you inspect this trunk?" + +"I did," said Lorns, looking at the chalk marks as if to make sure. + +"Open it!" + +No keys were procurable; the owners, Lorns said, had long since left +the docks. But Lorns suggested that he get hammer and cold chisel from +the ship. + +The trunk was opened and found free and innocent of aught contraband. +The chief wore a puzzled, dark look; he felt that he'd been cheated, +but he couldn't say how. Therefore being wise, the chief gulped, said +nothing, and as life is short and he had many things to do, soon +after left the docks and went his way. + +"That was a squeak!" said Lorns when we were at last free of the +dangerous chief. "Quin, I thank you." + +"That's all right," retorted Quin, with a grin; "do as much for me +some time." + +That night, with the aid of a river rat, our trunk, jettisoned by the +excellent Quin, was fished up; and being tight as a drum, its contents +had come to little harm with their sudden baptism. At last, our dozen +silk trunks--holding a treasure of thirty thousand dollars and whereon +we looked to clear a heavy profit--were safe in the Reade Street loft; +and my hasty heart, which had been beating at double speed since that +almost fatal interference, slowed to normal count. + +One might now suppose that our woes were at an end, all danger over, +and nothing to do but dispose of our shimmering cargo to best +advantage. Harris and I were of that spirit-lifting view; we began on +the very next day to feel about for customers. + +Harris, whose former smuggling exploits had dealt solely with gems, +knew as little of silk as did I. Had either been expert we might have +foreseen a coming peril into whose arms we in our blindness all but +walked. No, my children, our troubles were not yet done. We had +escaped the engulfing suck of Charybdis, only to be darted upon by +those six grim mouths of her sister monster, Scylla, over the way. + +Well do I recall that morning. I had seen but two possible purchasers +of silks when Harris overtook me. His eye shone with alarm. Lorns had +run him down with the news--however he himself discovered it, I never +knew--that another peril was yawning. Harris hurried me to our Reade +Street lair and gave particulars. + +"It seems," said Harris, quite out of breath with the speed we'd made +in hunting cover, "that A.T. Stewart is for America the sole agent of +these particular brands of silk which we've brought in. Some one to +whom we've offered them has notified the Stewart company. At this +moment and as we sit here, the detectives belonging to Stewart, and +for all I may guess, the whole Central Office as well, are on our +track. They want to discover who has these silks; and how they came +in, since the customs records show no such importations. And there's a +dark characteristic to these silks. Each bolt has its peculiar, +individual selvage. Each, with a sample of its selvage, is registered +at the home looms. Could anyone get a snip of a selvage he could +return with it to Lyons, learn from the manufacturers' book just when +it was woven, when sold, and to whom. I can tell you one thing," +observed Harris, as he concluded his story, "we're in a bad corner." + +How the cold drops spangled my brows! I began to wish with much heart +that I'd never met Harris; nor heard, that Trinity churchyard day, of +Cornbury and his devious smuggling methods of gathering wealth. + +There was one ray of hope; neither Harris nor I had disclosed our +names, nor the whereabouts or quantity of the silks; and as each had +been dealing with folk with whom he'd never before met, we were both +as yet mysteries unsolved. Nor were we ever solved. Harris and I kept +off the streets during daylight hours for a full month. We were not +utterly idle; we unpleasantly employed ourselves in trimming away that +tell-tale selvage. Preferring safety to profit, we put forth no +efforts to realize on our speculations for almost a year. By that time +the one day's wonder of "Who's got A.T. Stewart's silks?" had ceased +to disturb the mercantile world and the grand procession of dry goods +interest had passed on and over it. At last we crept forth like +felons--as of good sooth! we were--and disposed of our mutilated silks +to certain good folk whose forefathers once ruled Palestine. These +beaky gentry liked bargains, and were in nowise curious; they bought +our wares without lifting an eyebrow of inquiry, and from them +constructed--though with that I had no concern--those long +"circulars," so called, which were the feminine joy a third of a +century gone. As to Harris and myself; what with delays, what with +expenses, what with figures reduced to dispose of our plunder, we got +evenly out. We got back our money; but for those fear-shaken hours of +two separate perils, we were never paid. + +For myself, I smuggled no more. Still, I did not relinquish my pious +purpose to despoil that public treasury Egyptian quoted heretofore. +Neither did I give up the Customs as a rich theater of illicit +endeavor. Only my methods changed. I now decided that I, myself, would +become an Inspector, like unto the useful Lorns, and make my fortune +from the opulent inside. I procured the coveted appointment, for I +could bring power to bear, and some future day I'll tell you of "The +Emperor's Cigars." + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Onlooker, Volume 1, Part 2, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ONLOOKER, VOLUME 1, PART 2 *** + +***** This file should be named 16680.txt or 16680.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/6/6/8/16680/ + +Produced by Bill Tozier, Barbara Tozier, Diane Monico, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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