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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Ladies Delight, by Anonymous
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Ladies Delight
+
+Author: Anonymous
+
+Release Date: November 10, 2004 [EBook #14005]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LADIES DELIGHT ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Starner, David Garcia and the PG Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE LADIES DELIGHT.
+
+
+CONTAINING,
+
+I. An Address to all _well provided_ HIBERNIANS;
+
+II. The ARBOR VITAE; or, Tree of Life. A Poem. Shewing whence it took
+it's _Root_, and has spread its _Leaves_ over all Christendom; being
+extremely useful to _Students_ in all _Branches_ of polite Literature.
+
+III. The Natural History of the ARBOR VITAE; or, The Tree of Life, in
+Prose; printed from the Original Manuscript.
+
+IV. RIDOTTO al' FRESCO. A Poem. Describing the Growth of this Tree in
+the famous _Spring Gardens_ at _Vaux-Hall_, under the Care of that
+ingenious _Botanist_ Doctor H----GG----R.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_RES est severa Voluptas_.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_LONDON_:
+
+Printed for _W. James_ in the _Strand_, 1732
+
+[Price Six-pence.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+AN ADDRESS TO ALL _Well provided_ HIBERNIANS.
+
+
+_Gentlemen_,
+
+As Nature hath been so _very Indulgent_ to ye, as to stock your Gardens
+with _Trees_ of the _largest Growth_, for which Reason ye are caress'd,
+whilst Men of _less Parts_, tho' in _some Things_ more deserving, are
+laugh'd at, and excluded all Company.
+
+As all Infants, especially of the Female Sex, are much delighted with
+Fruit, so as their Years and other Appetites increase, no Wonder if that
+increases too. Both Men and Beasts have _some-thing_ or another, for
+which they are esteem'd; so ye being in a particular manner Happy in
+this _Talent_, may securely laugh, while ye daily _grow_ in the Ladies
+Favour, and spread your _Branches_ over all the Kingdom: Many a hopeful
+_Stick of Wood_ has been produc'd by this glorious Tree, who after they
+had _piss'd_ their Estates against the Wall (as the good Housewives term
+it) have by the Strength of true _Hibernian_ Prowess rais'd themselves
+to the Favour of some fair Virtuoso, and being by her _plac'd in a
+HOT-BED_, have been restor'd to their pristine Strength, and flourish'd
+again; and like true Heroes, not envying the busy World, have been
+content to _spend_ the remainder of their Days in an obscure Nook of the
+World.
+
+Thus, Gentlemen, and as all Poets chuse the most Worthy to patronize
+their Works, I humbly offer ye the following Poem, and that you may
+still continue as ye now are; that your Trees may ever flourish, your
+_Green-houses_ be secure, nor your _young Plants_ be ever nipt in the
+_Bud_, and that you may ever _stand_ against all _Cracks_, Storms,
+Tempests, and _Eruptions_,
+
+_Is the hearty Wishes of Your's_,
+
+BOTANICUS.
+
+
+
+
+THE Natural HISTORY OF THE TREE of LIFE.
+
+
+  The Tree of which I fain would sing,
+  If the kind Muse her Aid would bring,
+  Is _Arbor Vitae_; but in brief,
+  By vulgar Men call'd--_Tree of Life_.
+
+  First for Description then, 'tis such
+  As needs must captivate you much.
+  In Stem most streight, of lovely Size,
+  With Head elate this Plant doth rise;
+  First bare--when it doth further shoot,
+  _A Tuft of Moss_ keeps warm the Root:
+  No _Lapland_ Muff has such a Fur,
+  No Skin so soft has any Cur;
+  This touch'd, alone the Heart can move,
+  Which Ladies more than Lap-dogs love;
+  From this erect springs up the Stalk,
+  No Power can stop, or ought can baulk;
+  On Top an _Apex_ crowns the Tree,
+  As all Mankind may plainly see;
+  So shines a Filbeard, when the Shell,
+  Half gone, displays the _ruby Peel_
+  Or like a Cherry bright and gay,
+  Just red'ning in the Month of _May_.
+
+  As other Trees bear Fruit at Top,
+  And they who rob 'em must _climb up_;
+  This still more rare doth upward shoot,
+  But at the Bottom bears its Fruit,
+  And they who'd reap its Virtues strong,
+  Need but to lay 'em _all along_,
+  _Ope' wide, their Mouths_, and they'll receive
+  The _Fruit of Life_, and eat, and live:
+  Not the fair Tree that _India_ bears,
+  All over Spice both Head and Ears,
+  Can boast more Gifts than the Great Pow'rs
+  Have granted to this Tree of ours:
+  That in good Ale its Power boasts,
+  And ours has _Nutmeg's_ fit for _Toasts_
+  And Bags by _Nature_ planted grow,
+  To keep 'em from all Winds that blow.
+
+  The Rise is slow, and by Degrees,
+  Both Fruits and Tree itself increase
+  So slow, that ten Years scarce produce
+  _Six Inches_ good and fit for Use;
+  But fifteen ripen well the Fruit,
+  And add a _viscous Balm_ into't;
+  Then rub'd, drops Tears as if 'twas greiv'd,
+  Which by a neighbouring Shrub's receiv'd;
+  As Men set Tubs to catch the Rain,
+  So does this Shrub _its Juice_ retain,
+  Which 'cause it wears a colour'd Robe,
+  Is justly call'd the _flow'ring Shrub_.
+
+  In every Nation springs this Tree,
+  In some confin'd; in others more free;
+  In _England_, 'tis of mod'rate Size,
+  And oft' does _nine full inches_ rise:
+  But _Ireland_, tho' in Soil most poor,
+  Exceeds all Lands in this fame Store;
+  And sent o'er hither, it is such
+  As does exceed our own by much,
+  And gets the Owner many a _Farthing_,
+  For _Ladies_ love it in their _Garden_.
+
+  That it's a _Tree_ right _sensitive_,
+  Denies no honest Man alive:
+  Tho' as one _shrinks_ and will not stand,
+  This _rises_ at a _Lady's_ Hand,
+  And grows more strong the more 'tis strok'd,
+  As others _fall_ when they are _pok'd_.
+
+  When nipping Cold bites off our Nose,
+  And hoary Frosts the Morn disclose,
+  In _Hot-beds_ only then 'twill live,
+  And only when-well warm'd will thrive;
+  But when warm Summer does appear,
+  'Twill _stand_ all _brunts_ in open Air;
+  Tho' oft they're overcome with Heat,
+  And sink with Nurture too replete;
+  Then _Birchen Twigs_, if right apply'd
+  To Back, Fore-part, or either Side----
+  Support a while, _and keep it up_,
+  Tho' soon again the Plant will droop.
+
+  _Motteux_ had one very untow'rd,
+  And thought to mend it with a Cord,
+  But _kill'd the Tree_, yet gain'd his _End_,
+  Which makes th' Experiment condemn'd.
+
+  Others have thought to mend the Root,
+  By taking from the Tree its Fruit;
+  But in the _Nutmegs_ lies the Breed,
+  And when they're gone we lose the _Seed_;
+  Tho' Virtuosi still have don't,
+  And always found it yield Accompt;
+  For _Hey----gg----r_ then buys the _Wood_,
+  And of it makes us Whistles good,
+  Which yearly from _Italia_ sent,
+  Here answers his and our Intent.
+
+  Others too curious will _innoc_
+  _Ulate_ their Plants on _Medlars_ Stock,
+  (_i.e._ as Tongues in Vulgar pass,
+  They graft it on an _Open-arse_;)
+  But Gardeners, Virtuosi, all,
+  Say this is most _unnatural_.
+
+  That Soil is certainly the best,
+  Whence first it sprang, and first increast,
+  In Vallies hollow, soft, and warm,
+  With Hills to ward off every Storm,
+  Where Water salt runs trickling down,
+  And _Tendrils_ lie o'er all the Ground,
+  Such as the Tree itself shoots forth,
+  And better if't be tow'rds the _North_;
+  When such a Piece of Ground you see,
+  If in the midst a Pit there be,
+  There plant it deep unto the _Root_,
+  And never fear----you'll soon have _Fruit_.
+
+  Tho' let young _Botanists_ beware
+  Of Insects that oft' harbour there,
+  Which 'mongst the tender _Fibres_ breed,
+  And if not kill'd, eat up the _Seed_:
+  Good _Humphrey Bowen_ gives another,
+  (As each Man should assist his Brother)
+  That is, to take especial Care
+  Not to set _Vulvaria_ near;
+  Of them two Sorts are frequent found,
+  One helps, and to'ther spoils the Ground;
+  And many a Plant thriving and tall,
+  Destroy'd by them, has got a Fall.
+
+  But _Misan_'s taken this just napping,
+  And _against all Things that can happen_
+  Both to the Shrub and Tree, has told some
+  How to make the deadliest _Wholesome_;
+  These venomous _Vulvaria_ grow
+  At _Vaux-Hall_ and _St. James's_ too;
+  Nay, and about the Tree so leap,
+  That very few good Plants can 'scape.
+
+
+_The Names and Virtues_
+
+
+  Old Mother _D'Acier_, in her Notes
+  _On Homer_, some hard _Greek_ Word quotes,
+  Calls it _Nep, nep_,--I know not what,
+  And says it is the very Plant that
+  The tawny Queen to _Helen_ sent,
+  To cure her Griefs at all Event.
+
+  Great _Milton's Murd'rer_ says it is
+  The fam'd _Machaera Herculis_,
+  And proves from some old _Grecian_ Poet,
+  So plain that all Men sure must know it,
+  That of this _Tree_ the Club was made,
+  With which he overcame ('tis said)
+  _Thespius_' Daughters, all grown wild,
+  And _fifty Mad-Women_ made _mild_;
+  Which very Club--(it makes one Laugh)
+  _Omphale_ turn'd into a Distaff.
+  Nay, the _Hesperian_ Tree was this,
+  As shew the _Poma Veneris_;
+  These Apples doubtless were the Fruit
+  That 'twixt the Queens rais'd such Dispute,
+  To make 'em all _stark-naked_ stand,
+  While _Paris_ held it in his Hand,
+  And _chuck'd_ it into _Venus_' Mouth,
+  'Cause she with Beauty fir'd the Youth.
+
+  The Virtues are of such great Note,
+  That twenty Volumes might be wrote;
+  The Juice alone Green-Sickness cures,
+  And purges thro' all corporal Pores;
+  If any Maid be sick, or faint
+  Of Love, or Father's close Constraint,
+  One Spoonfull of this Cordial Balm
+  Soon stops each Grief, and every Qualm;
+  'Tis true, they sometimes Tumours cause,
+  And in the Belly make strange Flaws,
+  But a few Moons will make 'em sound,
+  And safely fetch the Swelling down.
+
+  Not Saffron chears the Heart like this,
+  Nor can Champaign give such a Bliss:
+  When Wife and Husband do fall out,
+  And both remain in sullen pout,
+  This brings them to themselves again,
+  And fast unites the broken Chain;
+  Makes Feuds and Discords straightway cease
+  And gives at least a _Night of Peace_.
+
+  This Rarity may now be seen
+  In _Lambeth_, at a Garden Green,
+  _Bowen_ his Name, who in high Tone,
+  Calls it the _Tree of Silver Spoon_,
+  Which all the Maids of curious Eyes
+  May there behold of _largest_ Size.
+
+
+
+
+
+THE Natural HISTORY OF THE TREE of LIFE.
+
+_The_ DESCRIPTION _and_ PLACE.
+
+
+The _Tree of Life_ is a _succulent Plant_, consisting of one only strait
+stem, on the top of which is a _Pistillum_ or _Apex_, at some times
+_Glandiform_ and resembling a _May-Cherry_, tho' at others, more like
+the _Nut_ of the _Avellana_ or _Filbeard-Tree_.
+
+Its fruits, contrary to most others, grow near the Root; they are
+usually no more than two in number, their bigness somewhat exceeding
+that of an ordinary _Nutmeg_ both contained in one strong _Siliqua_, or
+purse; which, together with the whole root of the plant, is commonly
+thick set with numerous _Fibrilla_ or _capillary Tendrils_.
+
+The tree is of slow growth, and requires time to bring it to perfection,
+rarely seeding to any purpose before the fifteenth year; when the fruits
+coming to good maturity, yield a viscous Juice or balmy _succus_, which
+being from time to time discharged at the _Pistillum_ is mostly bestow'd
+upon the open _Calyx's_ of the _Frutex Vulvaria_ or _flow'ring Shrub_
+usually spreading under the shade of this tree, and whose parts are by a
+wonderful mechanism adapted to receive it. The ingenious Mr. _Richard
+Bradley_ is of opinion, the _Frutex_ is hereby impregnated, and then
+first begins to bear; he therefore accounts this _Succus_ the _Farina
+foecundans_ of the plant: and the learned _Leonhard Fucksius_, in his
+_Historia Stirpium insigniorum_, observes the greatest sympathy between
+this tree and shrub, _They are_, says he, _of the same genus, and do
+best in the same bed, the_ Vulvaria _itself being indeed no other than
+a_ female Arbor Vitae.
+
+It is produced in most Countries, tho' it thrives more in some than
+others, where it also increases to a larger size. The height here in
+_England_ rarely passes nine, or at the most, eleven inches, and that
+chiefly in _Kent_, whereas in _Ireland_, it comes to far greater
+dimensions, is so good, that many of the natives entirely subsist upon
+it, and when transplanted, have been sometimes known to raise good
+houses with single plants of this sort.
+
+As the _Irish_ soil is accounted the best, others are as remarkably bad
+for its cultivation; and the least and worst in the world are said to be
+about _Harborough_ and the _Forest of Sherard_.
+
+The stem seems to be of the _sensitive_ tribe, tho' herein differing
+from the more common _Sensitives_; that whereas they are known to shrink
+and retire from even the gentlest touch of a Lady's hand, this rises on
+the contrary, and extends itself when it is so handled.
+
+In winter it is not easy to raise these trees without a hot bed; but in
+warmer weather they stand well in the open air.
+
+In the latter season they are subject to become weak and flaccid,
+and want support; for which purpose some gardeners have thought of
+splintering them up with _birchen Twigs_, which has seem'd of some
+service for the present, tho' the plants have very soon come to the
+same or a more drooping state than before.
+
+The late ingenious Mr. _Motteux_ thought of restoring a fine plant he
+had in this condition, by tying it up with a _Tomex_ or cord made of the
+bark of the _Vitex_, or _Hempen-Tree_: but whether he made the ligature
+too straight, or that the nature of the _Vitex_ is really in itself
+pernicious, he quite kill'd his plant thereby; which makes this
+universally condemn'd, as a dangerous experiment.
+
+Some _Virtuosi_ have thought of improving their trees for some purposes,
+by taking off the _Nutmegs_, which is however a bad way; they never
+_seed_ after, and are good for little more than making whistles of,
+which are imported every year from _Italy_, and sell indeed at a good
+price.
+
+Some other curious Gentlemen have endeavour'd to inoculate their plants
+on the stock of the _Medlar_ and that with a manure of _human Ordure_,
+but this has never been approv'd; and I have known some tree brought to
+a _very ill end_ by such management.
+
+The natural soil is certainly the best for their propagation; and that
+is in hollow places, that are warm and near salt water, best known by
+their producing the same sort of _Tendrils_ as are observ'd about the
+roots of the _Arbor_ itself. Some cautions however are very necessary,
+especially to young _Botanists_; and first, to be very diligent in
+keeping their trees clean and neat; a pernicious sort of insect, not,
+unlike a _Morpione_ or _Cimex_, being very subject to breed amongst the
+_Fibrillae_, which, if not taken heed of, and timely destroy'd, proves
+often of very dangerous consequence.
+
+Another caution, no less useful, we have from that excellent and
+judicious Botanist Mr. _Humphrey Bowen_, to beware of a poisonous
+species of _Vulvaria_, too often mistaken for the wholesome one, and
+which, if suffer'd too near our trees, will very greatly endanger their
+well-being. He tells us, in the 12th volume of his large abridgment of
+_la Quintinye_, that before he had acquir'd his judgment and experience,
+some of his plants have often been sufferers through this mistake; and
+he has seen a tall thriving tree, by the contact: only of this venomous
+shrub, become _porrose, scabiose_, and cover'd with _fungous
+Excrescences_ not unlike the fruits of the _Ficus sylvestris_ in which
+case the _succus_ also has lost both its colour and vertue; and the tree
+itself has so much partaken of the nature of the venomous shrub that had
+hurt it, that itself has become venomous, and spread the poison through
+a whole Plantation.
+
+These distempers of a tree of the greatest use and value, have employ'd
+the labours of the most eminent Botanists and Gardeners, to seek out
+remedies for them: In which, however, none have succeeded like the
+celebrated _Dr. Misaubin_ who from his profound knowledge in Botany has
+composed a most elaborate work upon _all the things that can happen_,
+both to the _Arbor Vitae_ and _Vulvaria also_: There he has taught a
+certain cure for all these evils; and, what is most wonderful, has even
+found out a way of making the most venomous _Vulvaria_ itself wholesome,
+which he practises daily, to the satisfaction of all that apply to him.
+
+These venomous _Vulvaria_ are but too common in most gardens about
+_London_; there are many in St. _James's Park_, and more in the
+celebrated gardens at _Vaux-hall_ over the water.
+
+
+_The_ NAMES _and_ VIRTUES.
+
+Besides the common name of _Arbor Vitae_, a very learned Philosopher
+and great Divine would have it call'd, _Arbor Scientiae boni & mali_;
+believing, upon very good grounds, this is the tree which grew in the
+middle of the garden of _Eden_, and whose fruits were so alluring to
+our first mother. Others would have it call'd the _Mandrake_ of _Leah_,
+persuaded it is the same whose juice made the before barren _Rachel_
+a joyful mother of children.
+
+The learned _Madame D'Acier_ in her notes upon _Homer_ contends it
+should be called _Nepenthes_. She gives many reasons why it certainly
+is that very plant, whose fruits the _Egyptian_ queen recommended to
+_Helen_, as a certain cure for pain and grief of all sorts, and which
+She ever after kept by her as her most precious jewel, and made use of
+as a _Panacaea_ upon all occasions.
+
+The great Dr. _Bentley_ calls it more than once _Machaera Herculis_,
+having proved out of the fragments of a _Greek_ Poet, that of this tree
+was made that club with which the hero is said to have overcome the
+fifty wild daughters of _Thespius_, but which Queen _Omphale_ afterwards
+reduced to a distaff. Others have thought the celebrated _Hesperian_
+trees were of this sort; and the very name of _Poma Veneris_, frequently
+given by Authors to the fruits of this tree, is a sufficient proof these
+were really the _Apples_ for which three Goddesses contended in so warm
+a manner, and to which the Queen of beauty had undoubtedly the strongest
+title.
+
+The vertues are so many, a large volume might be wrote of them. The
+juice taken inwardly cures the green-sickness and other infirmities of
+the like sort, and is a true specific in most disorders of the fair sex.
+It indeed often causes tumours in the umbilical region; but even those
+being really of no ill consequence, disperse of themselves in a few
+Months.
+
+It chears the heart, and exhilarates the mind, quiets jars, feuds and
+discontents, making the most churlish tempers surprizingly kind and
+loving. Nor have private persons only been the better for this
+reconciling vertue, but whole states and kingdoms, nay, the greatest
+empires in the world have often received the benefit of it; the most
+destructive wars have been ended, and the most friendly treaties been
+produced, by a right application of this universal medicine among the
+chief of the contending parties.
+
+If any person is desirous to see this excellent and wonderful plant in
+good perfection, he may meet with it at the aforementioned Mr _Bowen's_
+garden at _Lambeth_, who calls it _The Silver-Spoon Tree_; and is at all
+times ready to oblige his friends with the sight of it.
+
+
+
+
+THE Ridotto al' Fresco, A POEM.
+
+
+  What various Arts attempts the am'rous Swain,
+  To force the Fair, or her Consent to gain--
+  Now _Balls_, now _Masquerades_ his Care employ,
+  And _Play_ and Park alternately give Joy--
+  Industrious _H----gg----r_, whose magick Brains
+  Still in their Shell the _Recipe_ retains
+  Like some good Midwife brings the Plot to light
+  And helps the lab'ring Swain to _Celia's_ Sight;
+  For this his Eunuchs in high Buskins tread--
+  And chaunt harmonious Lays for this,--and _Bread_;
+  For this the _Assembly's_ fix'd; and the huge Dome
+  Swells with the Lady's Vows, _when the Stake's gone_.--
+  For this he forms the vicious Masquerade,
+  Where Damsels may securely drive their Trade,
+  For which the Salesman, Chandler, Chairmen loudly pray,
+  And Pickpockets too, _hail_ the joyful Day--
+
+  But now what Tongue can praise the mighty Worth,
+  Who to _Ridotto_ gave an _English_ Birth;
+  To him let every Templar bend the Knee,
+  Receive a Ticket, and give up the Fee:
+  Let _Drury-Lane_ eternal Columns raise,
+  And every wanton Wife resound his Praise;
+  Let Courtiers with implicit Faith obey,
+  And to their grand Procurer Homage pay.
+
+  No more shall _Duchesses_ to _Bath_ repair,
+  Or fly to _Tunbridge_ to procure an Heir;
+  _Spring-Gardens_ can supply their every Want,
+  For here whate'er they ask the Swain wil grant,
+  And future Lords (if they'll confess the right)
+  Shall owe their Being to this blessed Night;
+  Hence future Wickedness shall take its Rise,
+  (For Masquerade to this is paultry Vice)
+  An Aera of new Crimes shall hence begin,
+  And _H----gg----r_ chief Devil be of Sin;
+  No more shall Ugliness be his Disgrace,
+  His Head mends all the Frailties of his Face;
+  When Masques and Balls to their Conclusion drew,
+  To this his last Resort the Hero flew;
+  So by degrees the Errant Knights of old
+  To Glory rose, and by Degrees grew bold;
+  A while content the common Road they trod,
+  'Till some great Act at last confess the _God_.
+
+  Now Painters _work_,--and dine, that starv'd before,
+  And Tallymen supply each needy Whore--
+  Fam'd _Covent-Garden_ droops with mournful Look,
+  Nor can St. _James's_ her great Rival brook:
+  Each _Duck_ and D----ss, quacks to different Tunes,
+  One _claps her Wings_ for Love, the other swoons;
+  Each _Vintner_ storms and swears he is undone,
+  Vollies of Oaths speak loud the Drawer's Moan;
+  _Porter_ who us'd to search for needful Girls,
+  Now sucks his Fingers, or his Apron twirls,
+  Bemoans his Loss of Business, and with Sighs,
+  In Box imprison'd lays the useless Dice.
+
+  _Spring-Garden_ now alone does all invite
+  The Cit, the Wit, the Rake, the Fool, the Knight:
+  No Lady, that can pawn her Coat or Gown,
+  Will rest 'till she has laid the Money down:
+  Each Clerk will to the Joints his Fingers work,
+  And Counsellors find out some modern Querk,
+  To raise the Guinea, and to see the _Grot_,
+  And 'mongst the _Belles_ to slant it at _Ridolt_.
+
+  Here Seamstresses and Maids together vie,
+  And the spruce 'Prentice shines in Sword and Tye:
+  Bandy'd in Lace the City Dame appears,
+  Her Hair genteelly frizzled round her Ears;
+  Her Gown with _Tyrian_ Dyes most richly stain'd,
+  Glitt'ring with Orient Pearl from Orphans gain'd.
+
+  _My Lord_, to oblige his Spouse, takes Tickets three,
+  Crys, one's for you my Love, and one for me,
+  The third dispose as you shall best adjudge,
+  Shew where you're pleas'd, and where you owe a Grudge:
+  _Madam_ elate, thinks she'll be kind to _Betty_,
+  To hide the Slips she made with Spark i'th' City:
+  But _Stallion Tom_, who well knew how to scold,
+  And by his Mistress's Favour grown too bold,
+  Swears if _he_ has it not, he will reveal,
+  And to his Master tell a dismal Tale;
+  _Madam_, reluctant, gives him up the Paper;
+  He at her Folly laughs, and cuts a Caper.
+
+  _Sylvia_, a Lady, kept by twenty Beaux,
+  Who never yet could brook the Marriage Noose,
+  By each a Ticket offer'd, scorns 'em all,
+  In hopes some Fool at last will Victim fall,
+  And, kindly offer Treat and Ticket too,
+  Which to her Charms she thinks most justly due;
+  At last a brisk young _Templar_ full of Fire,
+  Whom Writs with _Money_, Wine with Love inspire,
+  Address'd the Dame, she yeilds his glowing Charms,
+  And for a Ticket flies into his Arms:
+
+  So every _dapper Fop_ and _brawny Rake_
+  Will Tickets to their Ladies Presents make;
+  To Sin, the only certain Dedication,
+  To every gentle Mistress in the Nation,
+  From Suburb Whore, to ranting Dame of Fashion;
+  For none's so niece as to refuse the Suit,
+  But grasps the Tree tho' 'tis _forbidden Fruit_.
+
+  _Near_ where _the Thames_ in pleasant Windings runs,
+  _Near_ where the famous Glass-house fiercely burns,
+  (Which to the Love of poor desponding Swains,
+  An Emblem terrible, but just retains.)
+  _Near_ where fam'd _Vaux_ was to have fled,
+  _With_ lighted Match, soon as he'd done the Deed;
+  Whence some pretend to say by second Sight,
+  That it foreshew'd the Fate attends this Night,
+  'Cause here the Fair will many _Matches light_.
+
+  _Spring-Gardens_ lie shaded with verdant Trees,
+  That nod their reverend Heads at every Breeze;
+  Embassadors like _Turks_ hence send Express,
+  And _Ministers of State_ like Devils dress--
+
+  Should some wild _Indian_ see the various Scene,
+  He'd swear all Nations of the Earth do here convene,
+  And take for quite reverse this medley Farce,
+  Think Strumpers Saints, or catstick'd Beau a _Mars_.
+
+  But now the Dancers nimble Feet go round,
+  And with just Measures beat the passive Ground,
+  Each one inclines to different Delights--
+  Musick the Fair, Sweetmeats the Beau invite;
+  The _Templar_ wisely does his Care enroll,
+  Pockets the Pheasant, and eats up the Fowls
+  Nor will return to join the giddy Rout,
+  'Till he has eat and drank his _Guinea_ out.
+
+  Now Dancing fires the Nymph to softer Joys;
+  The Musick's dull, the Wine and Sweetmeat cloys;
+  _Strephon_ streight takes the Hint, withdraws a-while,
+  By soft Endearments does her Grief beguile;
+  Soon they return more vig'rous than before,
+  Do what they will, she cannot be a Whore.
+
+  For _Mahomet_ may dream of heavenly Stews,
+  Where Virgin Rose, soon as it's lost, renews,
+  And shake with every Breath of Air serene,
+  As trembling for the Rapes they've daily seen;
+  When if those past can shake their Height profound,
+  _Ridotto_ sure will fell them to the Ground;
+  Here Art to Nature join'd makes it compleat,
+  And Pyramids and Trees together meet;
+  Statues amidst the thickest Grove arise,
+  And lofty Columns tow'ring to the Skies;
+  Then next an Obelisk its Shade displays,
+  And rustic Rockwork fills each empty Space;
+  Each joins to make it noble, and excells
+  Beaufets for Food, Grotto's for something else.
+
+  But hark! the Doors on jarring Hinges turn,
+  All enter in, and the blest Scene's begun;
+  A thousand Lights their livid Flames display,
+  Pour forth their Blaze, and form a mimick Day:
+  Sudden a motley Mixture fills the Place,
+  And Footmen shine as lordly as his Grace;
+  To see the sad Effect and Power of Change,
+  Ladies turn'd Men, in Breeches freely range:
+  Young smooth-chin'd Beaux turn Priests and Fryars,
+  And Nun's chaste Habits hide our Country 'Squires.
+  _Belles, Beaux_, and Sharpers here together play,
+  And Wives throw their good Spouses Wealth away;
+  And when their Cash runs low, and Fate runs cross,
+  They then _Cornute_ 'em to retrieve their Loss.
+
+  _Dice_ and Intrigue so mutually are blended,
+  That one begins as soon as t'other's ended:
+  A City Heiress blooming, rich, and fair,
+  Picks up the Cards and Counters with great Care;
+  Against her fate a smooth young Baron,
+  Wit he had none, Beauty he had his share on,
+  A soft clear Skin, a dapper Neck and Waist,
+  In all Things suited to the modern Taste;
+  And most polite, like all our modish Brood,
+  That is, a very Fool, who's very leud:
+  He ogles Miss, she squints, and turns aside,
+  Nor can her Mask her rising Blushes hide;
+  At last (as Bargains here are quickly made)
+  She yeilds to be Caress'd, tho' still afraid;
+  She cries, a private Room's for them most fit,
+  For Reputation is the Glory of a Cit;
+  This only is the Place, where in a Trice,
+  Some Angel steals the Wounds of friendly Vice;
+  The Nymph finds a Relief for all her Pains,
+  And the lost Maidenhead's restor'd again.
+
+  But who is he in Bower close confin'd,
+  With a kind Fair t' unbend his troubled Mind,
+  Sure by his Air, his Beauty, and his Grace,
+  It _Phoebus_ is, or some of heavenly Race.
+
+  A petty Courtier, of small Estate and Sense,
+  Stood hearkning by, and cry'd it was the P----ce.
+
+  Your Pardon, Sir, I knew it not before,
+  For my Mistake depended on his Whore,
+  One had _Latona_ to'ther has _L----r_.
+
+  Next to the _Grotto_ let us bend our Eye,
+  The _Grotto_, Patron of Iniquity,
+  Speak O ye Trees with kind refreshing Shade,
+  How many Whores have at your Roots been made;
+  Alas; how small the Number to what now,
+  This one, this happy Night, alone will shew
+  So many, that each conscious _Dryad_ flees,
+  Lest she too should be ravish'd thro' the Trees.
+
+  Next rattling Dice invite th' attentive Ear,
+  Lords loudly laugh, as loud the Bullies swear:
+  The Country Knight o'th' Shire sells his Estate,
+  And here with Heart intrepid meets his Fate;
+  So they withdrew to quench their glowing Flame,
+  And to preserve the Honour of her Name;
+  For oh! sad Fate as they ascend the Stairs,
+  At the Room Door her good _Mamma_ appears,
+  Soon as she spies her Child with Looks demure,
+  She charges her to keep her _Vessel pure_:
+  Miss pertly answers to avoid her Doom,
+  _Mamma_, whose Hat and Wig is in the Room?
+  The good old Dame yeilds at the just Reproach,
+  Cries--_Well my Dear, don't take too much!_
+
+  Thus various Joys soon waste the fleeting Night,
+  And Sleep and Lust the Croud to Bed invite;
+  Some in their Truckle-Beds to snore all Day,
+  Others in Gambols with their Wh----es to play;
+  The Dunghill Trapes, trickt up like virtuous Trull,
+  If by good Chance, she gets a _Dupe_ or Cull;
+  On Tallyman intrudes twelve Hours more,
+  And for a clean Shift presumes to run a Score.
+
+  Sages may say, that Arts and Science fail,
+  And Ignorance and Folly have weigh'd down the Scale:
+  In _England_ they have given new Arts a Rise,
+  And what in Science wants, increase in Vice,
+  And to be great as Angels when they fell,
+  (If not exceed) at _least_ they equal _Hell_.
+
+
+
+
+_FINIS._
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Ladies Delight, by Anonymous
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