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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, Nonsense Books, by Edward Lear
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: Nonsense Books
+
+Author: Edward Lear
+
+Release Date: October 8, 2004  [eBook #13650]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NONSENSE BOOKS***
+
+
+E-text prepared by Dave Newman, Ben Courtney, A. Deubelbeiss, Stan
+Goodman, and Project Gutenberg Distributed Proofreaders
+
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+
+
+NONSENSE BOOKS
+
+by
+
+EDWARD LEAR
+
+With all the Original Illustrations
+
+1894
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+PUBLISHERS' NOTICE.
+The first _Book of Nonsense_ was published in 1846. Three other volumes,--
+_Nonsense Songs, Stories, etc._, published in 1871; _More Nonsense
+Pictures, etc._, in 1872; and _Laughable Lyrics: A Fresh Book of Nonsense,
+etc._, in 1877,--comprise all the "Nonsense Books" written by Mr. Lear.
+
+
+
+
+  "Surely the most beneficent and innocent of all books
+  yet produced is the _Book of Nonsense_, with its corollary
+  carols, inimitable and refreshing, and perfect in rhythm.
+  I really don't know any author to whom I am half so
+  grateful for my idle self as Edward Lear. I shall put
+  him first of my hundred authors."
+
+  JOHN RUSKIN,
+
+    In the _List of the Best Hundred Authors_.
+
+
+
+[Illustration: EDWARD LEAR. ENGRAVED BY ANDREW FROM A PHOTOGRAPH TAKEN IN
+SAN REMO, BY RONCAROLO.]
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+   I.   A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
+   II.  NONSENSE SONGS, STORIES, BOTANY, AND ALPHABETS.
+   III. MORE NONSENSE PICTURES, RHYMES, BOTANY, ETC.
+   IV.  LAUGHABLE LYRICS:
+        A FRESH BOOK OF NONSENSE POEMS, SONGS, BOTANY, ETC.
+
+
+[Illustration: QUI LEGIT REGIT.]
+
+
+
+
+The following lines by Mr. Lear were written for a young lady of his
+acquaintance, who had quoted to him the words of a young lady not of his
+acquaintance,
+
+  "How pleasant to know Mr. Lear!"
+
+      "How pleasant to know Mr. Lear!"
+        Who has written such volumes of stuff!
+      Some think him ill-tempered and queer,
+        But a few think him pleasant enough.
+
+      His mind is concrete and fastidious,
+        His nose is remarkably big;
+      His visage is more or less hideous,
+        His beard it resembles a wig.
+
+      He has ears, and two eyes, and ten fingers,
+        Leastways if you reckon two thumbs;
+      Long ago he was one of the singers,
+        But now he is one of the dumbs.
+
+      He sits in a beautiful parlor,
+        With hundreds of books on the wall;
+      He drinks a great deal of Marsala,
+        But never gets tipsy at all.
+
+      He has many friends, lay men and clerical,
+        Old Foss is the name of his cat;
+      His body is perfectly spherical,
+        He weareth a runcible hat.
+
+      When he walks in waterproof white,
+        The children run after him so!
+      Calling out, "He's come out in his night-
+        Gown, that crazy old Englishman, oh!"
+
+      He weeps by the side of the ocean,
+        He weeps on the top of the hill;
+      He purchases pancakes and lotion,
+        And chocolate shrimps from the mill.
+
+      He reads, but he cannot speak, Spanish,
+        He cannot abide ginger beer:
+      Ere the days of his pilgrimage vanish,
+        How pleasant to know Mr. Lear!
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+Edward Lear, the artist, Author of "Journals of a Landscape Painter" in
+various out-of-the-way countries, and of the delightful "Books of
+Nonsense," which have amused successive generations of children, died on
+Sunday, January 29, 1888, at San Remo, Italy, where he had lived for twenty
+years. Few names could evoke a wider expression of passing regret at their
+appearance in the obituary column; for until his health began to fail he
+was known to an immense and almost a cosmopolitan circle of acquaintance,
+and popular wherever he was known. Fewer still could call up in the minds
+of intimate friends a deeper and more enduring feeling of sorrow for
+personal loss, mingled with the pleasantest of memories; for it was
+impossible to know him thoroughly and not to love him. London, Rome, the
+Mediterranean countries generally, Ceylon and India, are still all dotted
+with survivors among his generation who will mourn for him affectionately,
+although his latter years were spent in comparatively close retirement. He
+was a man of striking nobility of nature, fearless, independent, energetic,
+given to forming for himself strong opinions, often hastily, sometimes
+bitterly; not always strong or sound in judgment, but always seeking after
+truth in every matter, and following it as he understood it in scorn of
+consequence; utterly unselfish, devoted to his friends, generous even to
+extravagance towards any one who had ever been connected with his fortunes
+or his travels; playful, light-hearted, witty, and humorous, but not
+without those occasional fits of black depression and nervous irritability
+to which such temperaments are liable.
+
+Great and varied as the merits of his pictures are, Lear hardly succeeded
+in achieving any great popularity as a landscape-painter. His work was
+frequently done on private commission, and he rarely sent in pictures for
+the Academy or other exhibitions. His larger and more highly finished
+landscapes were unequal in technical perfection,--sometimes harsh or cold
+in color, or stiff in composition; sometimes full of imagination, at others
+literal and prosaic,--but always impressive reproductions of interesting or
+peculiar scenery. In later years he used in conversation to qualify himself
+as a "topographical artist;" and the definition was true, though not
+exhaustive. He had an intuitive and a perfectly trained eye for the
+character and beauty of distant mountain lines, the solemnity of rocky
+gorges, the majesty of a single mountain rising from a base of plain or
+sea; and he was equally exact in rendering the true forms of the middle
+distances and the specialties of foreground detail belonging to the various
+lands through which he had wandered as a sketcher. Some of his pictures
+show a mastery which has rarely been equalled over the difficulties of
+painting an immense plain as seen from a height, reaching straight away
+from the eye of the spectator until it is lost in a dim horizon. Sir
+Roderick Murchison used to say that he always understood the geological
+peculiarities of a country he had only studied in Lear's sketches. The
+compliment was thoroughly justified; and it is not every landscape-painter
+to whom it could honestly be paid.
+
+The history of Lear's choice of a career was a curious one. He was the
+youngest of twenty-one children, and, through a family mischance, was
+thrown entirely on the limited resources of an elderly sister at a very
+early age. As a boy he had always dabbled in colors for his own amusement,
+and had been given to poring over the ordinary boys' books upon natural
+history. It occurred to him to try to turn his infant talents to account;
+and he painted upon cardboard a couple of birds in the style which the
+older among us remember as having been called Oriental tinting, took them
+to a small shop, and sold them for fourpence. The kindness of friends, to
+whom he was ever grateful, gave him the opportunity of more serious and
+more remunerative study, and he became a patient and accurate zooelogical
+draughtsman. Many of the birds in the earlier volumes of Gould's
+magnificent folios were drawn for him by Lear. A few years back there were
+eagles alive in the Zooelogical Gardens in Regent's Park to which Lear could
+point as old familiar friends that he had drawn laboriously from claw to
+beak fifty years before. He united with this kind of work the more
+unpleasant occupation of drawing the curiosities of disease or deformity in
+hospitals. One day, as he was busily intent on the portrait of a bird in
+the Zooelogical Gardens, an old gentleman came and looked over his shoulder,
+entered into conversation, and finally said to him, "You must come and draw
+my birds at Knowsley." Lear did not know where Knowsley was, or what it
+meant; but the old gentleman was the thirteenth Earl of Derby. The
+successive Earls of Derby have been among Lear's kindest and most generous
+patrons. He went to Knowsley, and the drawings in the "Knowsley Menagerie"
+(now a rare and highly-prized work among book collectors) are by Lear's
+hand. At Knowsley he became a permanent favorite; and it was there that he
+composed in prolific succession his charming and wonderful series of
+utterly nonsensical rhymes and drawings. Lear had already begun seriously
+to study landscape. When English winters began to threaten his health, Lord
+Derby started a subscription which enabled him to go to Rome as a student
+and artist, and no doubt gave him recommendations among Anglo-Roman
+society which laid the foundations of a numerous _clientele_. It was in the
+Roman summers that Lear first began to exercise the taste for pictorial
+wandering which grew into a habit and a passion, to fill vivid and copious
+note-books as he went, and to illustrate them by spirited and accurate
+drawings; and his first volume of "Illustrated Excursions in Italy,"
+published in 1846, is gratefully dedicated to his Knowsley patron.
+
+Only those who have travelled with him could know what a delightful comrade
+he was to men whose tastes ran more or less parallel to his own. It was not
+everybody who could travel with him; for he was so irrepressibly anxious
+not to lose a moment of the time at his disposal for gathering into his
+garners the beauty and interest of the lands over which he journeyed, that
+he was careless of comfort and health. Calabria, Sicily, the Desert of
+Sinai, Egypt and Nubia, Greece and Albania, Palestine, Syria, Athos,
+Candia, Montenegro, Zagori (who knows now where Zagori is, or was?), were
+as thoroughly explored and sketched by him as the more civilized localities
+of Malta, Corsica, and Corfu. He read insatiably before starting all the
+recognized guide-books and histories of the country he intended to draw;
+and his published itineraries are marked by great strength and literary
+interest quite irrespectively of the illustrations. And he had his reward.
+It is not any ordinary journalist and sketcher who could have compelled
+from Tennyson such a tribute as lines "To E.L. on his Travels in Greece":--
+
+    "Illyrian woodlands, echoing falls
+      Of water, sheets of summer glass,
+      The long divine Peneian pass,
+    The vast Akrokeraunian walls,
+
+    "Tomohrit, Athos, all things fair,
+      With such a pencil, such a pen,
+      You shadow forth to distant men,
+    I read and felt that I was there."
+
+Lear was a man to whom, as to Tennyson's Ulysses,
+
+    "All experience is an arch wherethrough
+    Gleams that untravelled world."
+
+After settling at San Remo, and when he was nearly sixty years old, he
+determined to visit India and Ceylon. He started once and failed, being
+taken so ill at Suez that he was obliged to return. The next year he
+succeeded, and brought away some thousands of drawings of the most striking
+views from all three Presidencies and from the tropical island. His
+appetite for travel continued to grow with what it fed upon; and although
+he hated a long sea-voyage, he used seriously to contemplate as possible a
+visit to relations in New Zealand. It may safely, however, be averred that
+no considerations would have tempted him to visit the Arctic regions.
+
+    A hard-working life, checkered by the odd adventures which happen
+    to the odd and the adventurous and pass over the commonplace; a
+    career brightened by the high appreciation of unimpeachable
+    critics; lightened, till of late, by the pleasant society and good
+    wishes of innumerable friends; saddened by the growing pressure of
+    ill health and solitude; cheered by his constant trust in the love
+    and sympathy of those who knew him best, however far away,--such
+    was the life of Edward Lear.
+
+      --_The London Saturday Review,_ Feb. 4, 1888.
+
+Among the writers who have striven with varying success during the last
+thirty or forty years to awaken the merriment of the "rising generation" of
+the time being, Mr. Edward Lear occupies the first place in seniority, if
+not in merit. The parent of modern nonsense-writers, he is distinguished
+from all his followers and imitators by the superior consistency with which
+he has adhered to his aim,--that of amusing his readers by fantastic
+absurdities, as void of vulgarity or cynicism as they are incapable of
+being made to harbor any symbolical meaning. He "never deviates into
+sense;" but those who appreciate him never feel the need of such deviation.
+He has a genius for coining absurd names and words, which, even when they
+are suggested by the exigencies of his metre, have a ludicrous
+appropriateness to the matter in hand. His verse is, with the exception of
+a certain number of cockney rhymes, wonderfully flowing and even
+melodious--or, as he would say, _meloobious_--while to all these
+qualifications for his task must finally be added the happy gift of
+pictorial expression, enabling him to double, nay, often to quadruple, the
+laughable effect of his text by an inexhaustible profusion of the quaintest
+designs. Generally speaking, these designs are, as it were, an idealization
+of the efforts of a clever child; but now and then--as in the case of the
+nonsense-botany--Mr. Lear reminds us what a genuine and graceful artist he
+really is. The advantage to a humorist of being able to illustrate his own
+text has been shown in the case of Thackeray and Mr. W.S. Gilbert, to
+mention two familiar examples; but in no other instance of such a
+combination have we discovered such geniality as is to be found in the
+nonsense-pictures of Mr. Lear. We have spoken above of the melodiousness of
+Mr. Lear's verses, a quality which renders them excellently suitable for
+musical setting, and which has not escaped the notice of the author
+himself. We have also heard effective arrangements, presumably by other
+composers, of the adventures of the Table and the Chair, and of the cruise
+of the Owl and the Pussy-cat,--the latter introduced into the "drawing-room
+entertainment" of one of the followers of John Parry. Indeed, in these days
+of adaptations, it is to be wondered at that no enterprising librettist has
+attempted to build a children's comic opera out of the materials supplied
+in the four books with which we are now concerned. The first of these,
+originally published in 1846, and brought out in an enlarged form in 1863,
+is exclusively devoted to nonsense-verses of one type. Mr. Lear is careful
+to disclaim the credit of having created this type, for he tells us in the
+preface to his third book that "the lines beginning, 'There was an old man
+of Tobago,' were suggested to me by a valued friend, as a form of verse
+leading itself to limitless variety for Rhymes and Pictures." Dismissing
+the further question of the authorship of "There was an old man of Tobago,"
+we propose to give a few specimens of Mr. Lear's Protean powers as
+exhibited in the variation of this simple type. Here, to begin with, is a
+favorite verse, which we are very glad to have an opportunity of giving, as
+it is often incorrectly quoted, "cocks" being substituted for "owls" in the
+third line:
+
+    "There was an Old Man with a beard,
+    Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
+    Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,
+    Have all built their nests in my beard!'"
+
+With the kindly fatalism which is the distinctive note of the foregoing
+stanza, the sentiment of our next extract is in vivid contrast:--
+
+
+    "There was an Old Man in a tree,
+    Who was terribly bored by a bee;
+    When they said, 'Does it buzz?' he replied, 'Yes, it does!
+    It's a regular brute of a Bee.'"
+
+To the foregoing verse an historic interest attaches, if, that is, we are
+right in supposing it to have inspired Mr. Gilbert with his famous
+"Nonsense-Rhyme in Blank Verse." We quote from memory:--
+
+    "There was an Old Man of St. Bees,
+    Who was stung in the arm by a wasp.
+    When they asked, 'Does it hurt?' he replied, 'No, it doesn't,
+    But I thought all the while 'twas a Hornet!'"
+
+Passing over the lines referring to the "Young Person" of Crete to whom the
+epithet "ombliferous" is applied, we may be pardoned--on the ground of the
+geographical proximity of the two countries named--for quoting together two
+stanzas which in reality are separated by a good many pages:--
+
+    "There was a Young Lady of Norway,
+    Who casually sat in a doorway;
+    When the doors queezed her flat, she exclaimed, 'What of that?'
+    This courageous young person of Norway."
+
+    "There was a Young Lady of Sweden,
+    Who went by the slow train to Weedon;
+    When they cried, 'Weedon Station!' she made no observation,
+    But thought she should go back to Sweden."
+
+A noticeable feature about this first book, and one which we think is
+peculiar to it, is the harsh treatment which the eccentricities of the
+inhabitants of certain towns appear to have met with at the hands of their
+fellow-residents. No less than three people are "smashed,"--the Old Man of
+Whitehaven "who danced a quadrille with a Raven;" the Old Person of Buda;
+and the Old Man with a gong "who bumped at it all the day long," though in
+the last-named case we admit that there was considerable provocation.
+Before quitting the first "Nonsense-Book," we would point out that it
+contains one or two forms that are interesting; for instance, "scroobious,"
+which we take to be a Portmanteau word, and "spickle-speckled," a favorite
+form of reduplication with Mr. Lear, and of which the best specimen occurs
+in his last book, "He tinkledy-binkledy-winkled the bell." The second book,
+published in 1871, shows Mr. Lear in the maturity of sweet desipience, and
+will perhaps remain the favorite volume of the four to grown-up readers.
+The nonsense-songs are all good, and "The Story of the Four little Children
+who went Round the World" is the most exquisite piece of imaginative
+absurdity that the present writer is acquainted with. But before coming to
+that, let us quote a few lines from "The Jumblies," who, as all the world
+knows, went to sea in a sieve:--
+
+      "They sailed to the Western Sea, they did,
+      To a land all covered with trees.
+    And they bought an Owl, and a useful Cart,
+    And a pound of Rice, and a Cranberry Tart,
+      And a hive of silvery Bees.
+    And they bought a Pig, and some green Jack-Daws,
+    And a lovely Monkey with lollipop paws,
+    And forty bottles of Ring-Bo-Ree,
+      And no end of Stilton Cheese.
+        _Far and few, far and few,
+          Are the lands where the Jumblies live.
+        Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
+          And they went to sea in a sieve._
+    And in twenty years they all came back,
+      In twenty years or more,
+    And every one said, 'How tall they've grown!
+    For they've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone,
+      And the hills of the Chankly Bore.'"
+
+From the pedestrian excursion of the Table and the Chair, we cannot resist
+making a brief quotation, though in this, as in every case, the inability
+to quote the drawings also is a sad drawback:--
+
+    "So they both went slowly down,
+    And walked about the town,
+    With a cheerful bumpy sound,
+    As they toddled round and round.
+    And everybody cried,
+    As they hastened to their side,
+    'See, the Table and the Chair
+    Have come out to take the air!'
+
+    "But in going down an alley
+    To a castle in a valley,
+    They completely lost their way,
+    And wandered all the day,
+    Till, to see them safely back,
+    They paid a Ducky-Quack,
+    And a Beetle and a Mouse,
+    Who took them to their house.
+
+    "Then they whispered to each other,
+    'O delightful little brother,
+    What a lovely walk we've taken!
+    Let us dine on Beans and Bacon!'
+    So the Ducky and the leetle
+    Browny-Mousy, and the Beetle
+    Dined, and danced upon their heads,
+    Till they toddled to their beds."
+
+"The Story of the Four little Children who went Round the World" follows
+next, and the account of the manner in which they occupied themselves while
+on shipboard may be transcribed for the benefit of those unfortunate
+persons who have not perused the original: "During the day-time Violet
+chiefly occupied herself in putting salt-water into a churn, while her
+three brothers churned it violently in the hope it would turn into butter,
+which it seldom if ever did." After journeying for a time, they saw some
+land at a distance, "and when they came to it they found it was an island
+made of water quite surrounded by earth. Besides that it was bordered by
+evanescent isthmuses with a great Gulf-Stream running about all over it, so
+that it was perfectly beautiful, and contained only a single tree, five
+hundred and three feet high." In a later passage, we read how "by-and-by
+the children came to a country where there were no houses, but only an
+incredibly innumerable number of large bottles without corks, and of a
+dazzling and sweetly susceptible blue color. Each of these blue bottles
+contained a bluebottlefly, and all these interesting animals live
+continually together in the most copious and rural harmony, nor perhaps in
+many parts of the world is such perfect and abject happiness to be found."
+Our last quotation from this inimitable recital shall be from the
+description of their adventure on a great plain where they espied an object
+which "on a nearer approach and on an accurately cutaneous inspection,
+seemed to be somebody in a large white wig sitting on an arm-chair made of
+sponge-cake and oyster-shells." This turned out to be the "Co-operative
+Cauliflower," who, "while the whole party from the boat was gazing at him
+with mingled affection and disgust ... suddenly arose, and in a somewhat
+plumdomphious manner hurried off towards the setting sun, his steps
+supported by two superincumbent confidential cucumbers ... till he finally
+disappeared on the brink of the western sky in a crystal cloud of sudorific
+sand. So remarkable a sight of course impressed the four children very
+deeply; and they returned immediately to their boat with a strong sense of
+undeveloped asthma and a great appetite."
+
+In his third book, Mr. Lear takes occasion in an entertaining preface to
+repudiate the charge of harboring any ulterior motive beyond that of
+"Nonsense pure and absolute" in any of his verses or pictures, and tells a
+delightful anecdote illustrative of the "persistently absurd report" that
+the Earl of Derby was the author of the first book of "Nonsense." In this
+volume he reverts once more to the familiar form adopted in his original
+efforts, and with little falling off. It is to be remarked that the third
+division is styled "Twenty-Six Nonsense Rhymes and Pictures," although
+there is no more rhyme than reason in any of the set. Our favorite
+illustrations are those of the "Scroobious Snake who always wore a Hat on
+his Head, for fear he should bite anybody," and the "Visibly Vicious
+Vulture who wrote some Verses to a Veal-cutlet in a Volume bound in
+Vellum." In the fourth and last of Mr. Lear's books, we meet not only with
+familiar words, but personages and places,--old friends like the Jumblies,
+the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo, the Quangle Wangle, the hills of the Chankly Bore,
+and the great Gromboolian plain, as well as new creations, such as the Dong
+with a luminous Nose, whose story is a sort of nonsense version of the love
+of Nausicaa for Ulysses, only that the sexes are inverted. In these verses,
+graceful fancy is so subtly interwoven with nonsense as almost to beguile
+us into feeling a real interest in Mr. Lear's absurd creations. So again in
+the Pelican chorus there are some charming lines:--
+
+    "By day we fish, and at eve we stand
+    On long bare islands of yellow sand.
+    And when the sun sinks slowly down,
+    And the great rock-walls grow dark and brown,
+    When the purple river rolls fast and dim,
+    And the ivory Ibis starlike skim,
+    Wing to wing we dance around," etc.
+
+The other nonsense-poems are all good, but we have no space for further
+quotation, and will take leave of our subject by propounding the following
+set of examination questions which a friend who is deeply versed in Mr.
+Lear's books has drawn up for us:--
+
+  1. What do you gather from a study of Mr. Lear's works to
+     have been the prevalent characteristics of the inhabitants of
+     Gretna, Prague, Thermopylae, Wick, and Hong Kong?
+
+  2. State briefly what historical events are connected with
+     Ischia, Chertsey, Whitehaven, Boulak, and Jellibolee.
+
+  3. Comment, with illustrations, upon Mr. Lear's use of the
+     following words: Runcible, propitious, dolomphious, borascible,
+     fizzgiggious, himmeltanious, tumble-dum-down, spongetaneous.
+
+  4. Enumerate accurately all the animals who lived on the
+     Quangle Wangle's Hat, and explain how the Quangle Wangle
+     was enabled at once to enlighten his five travelling companions
+     as to the true nature of the Co-operative Cauliflower.
+
+  5. What were the names of the five daughters of the Old
+     Person of China, and what was the purpose for which the
+     Old Man of the Dargle purchased six barrels of Gargle?
+
+  6. Collect notices of King Xerxes in Mr. Lear's works, and
+     state your theory, if you have any, as to the character and
+     appearance of Nupiter Piffkin.
+
+  7. Draw pictures of the Plum-pudding flea, and the Moppsikon
+     Floppsikon Bear, and state by whom waterproof tubs
+     were first used.
+
+  8.         "There was an old man at a station
+               Who made a promiscuous oration."
+
+     What bearing may we assume the foregoing couplet to have
+     upon Mr. Lear's political views?
+                                   --_The London Spectator_.
+
+
+
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+A BOOK OF NONSENSE
+
+by
+
+EDWARD LEAR.
+
+With All the Original Pictures and Verses
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+There was an Old Derry down Derry, who loved to see little folks
+  merry;
+    So he made them a Book, and with laughter they shook
+      At the fun of that Derry down Derry.
+
+
+
+                 Original Dedication.
+
+                       TO THE
+ GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, GRAND-NEPHEWS, AND GRAND-NIECES
+           OF EDWARD, 13TH EARL OF DERBY,
+          THIS BOOK OF DRAWINGS AND VERSES
+
+     (The greater part of which were originally
+         made and composed for their parents.)
+
+               Is Dedicated by the Author,
+                                          EDWARD LEAR.
+
+       London, 1862.
+
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man with a nose,
+    Who said, "If you choose to suppose
+    That my nose is too long, you are certainly wrong!"
+    That remarkable Man with a nose.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Person of Smyrna,
+    Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her;
+    But she seized on the Cat, and said, "Granny, burn that!
+    You incongruous Old Woman of Smyrna!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man on a hill,
+    Who seldom, if ever, stood still;
+    He ran up and down in his Grandmother's gown,
+    Which adorned that Old Man on a hill.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Chili,
+    Whose conduct was painful and silly;
+    He sate on the stairs, eating apples and pears,
+    That imprudent Old Person of Chili.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man with a gong,
+    Who bumped at it all the day long;
+    But they called out, "Oh, law! you're a horrid old bore!"
+    So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
+    Who never had more than a penny;
+    He spent all that money in onions and honey,
+    That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Columbia,
+    Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer;
+    But they brought it quite hot, in a small copper pot,
+    Which disgusted that man of Columbia.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man in a tree,
+    Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
+    When they said, "Does it buzz?" he replied, "Yes, it does!
+    It's a regular brute of a Bee."
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,
+    Who made a remarkable curtsey;
+    She twirled round and round, till she sank underground,
+    Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady whose chin
+    Resembled the point of a pin;
+    So she had it made sharp, and purchased a harp,
+    And played several tunes with her chin.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man with a flute,--
+    A "sarpint" ran into his boot!
+    But he played day and night, till the "sarpint" took flight,
+    And avoided that Man with a flute.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Portugal,
+    Whose ideas were excessively nautical;
+    She climbed up a tree to examine the sea,
+    But declared she would never leave Portugal.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Ischia,
+    Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier;
+    He danced hornpipes and jigs, and ate thousands of figs,
+    That lively Old Person of Ischia
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Vienna,
+    Who lived upon Tincture of Senna;
+    When that did not agree, he took Camomile Tea,
+    That nasty Old Man of Vienna.
+
+    [Illustraion]
+
+    There was an Old Man in a boat,
+    Who said, "I'm afloat! I'm afloat!"
+    When they said, "No, you ain't!" he was ready to faint,
+    That unhappy Old Man in a boat.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Buda,
+    Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder,
+    Till at last with a hammer they silenced his clamor.
+    By smashing that Person of Buda.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Moldavia,
+    Who had the most curious behavior;
+    For while he was able, he slept on a table,
+    That funny Old Man of Moldavia.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Hurst,
+    Who drank when he was not athirst;
+    When they said, "You'll grow fatter!" he answered "What matter?"
+    That globular Person of Hurst.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Madras,
+    Who rode on a cream-colored Ass;
+    But the length of its ears so promoted his fears,
+    That it killed that Old Man of Madras.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Dover,
+    Who rushed through a field of blue clover;
+    But some very large Bees stung his nose and his knees,
+    So he very soon went back to Dover.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Leeds,
+    Whose head was infested with beads;
+    She sat on a stool and ate gooseberry-fool,
+    Which agreed with that Person of Leeds.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Cadiz,
+    Who was always polite to all ladies;
+    But in handing his daughter, he fell into the water,
+    Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the Isles,
+    Whose face was pervaded with smiles;
+    He sang "High dum diddle," and played on the fiddle,
+    That amiable Man of the Isles.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Basing,
+    Whose presence of mind was amazing;
+    He purchased a steed, which he rode at full speed,
+    And escaped from the people of Basing.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man who supposed
+    That the street door was partially closed;
+    But some very large Rats ate his coats and his hats,
+    While that futile Old Gentleman dozed.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person whose habits
+    Induced him to feed upon Rabbits;
+    When he'd eaten eighteen, he turned perfectly green,
+    Upon which he relinquished those habits.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the West,
+    Who wore a pale plum-colored vest;
+    When they said, "Does it fit?" he replied, "Not a bit!"
+    That uneasy Old Man of the West.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Marseilles,
+    Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils:
+    They caught several Fish, which they put in a dish,
+    And sent to their Pa at Marseilles.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the Wrekin,
+    Whose shoes made a horrible creaking;
+    But they said, "Tell us whether your shoes are of leather,
+    Or of what, you Old Man of the Wrekin?"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady whose nose
+    Was so long that it reached to her toes;
+    So she hired an Old Lady, whose conduct was steady,
+    To carry that wonderful nose.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Norway,
+    Who casually sat in a doorway;
+    When the door squeezed her flat, she exclaimed, "What of that?"
+    This courageous Young Lady of Norway.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Apulia,
+    Whose conduct was very peculiar;
+    He fed twenty sons upon nothing but buns,
+    That whimsical Man of Apulia.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Quebec,--
+    A beetle ran over his neck;
+    But he cried, "With a needle I'll slay you, O beadle!"
+    That angry Old Man of Quebec.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Bute,
+    Who played on a silver-gilt flute;
+    She played several jigs to her Uncle's white Pigs:
+    That amusing Young Lady of Bute.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Philoe,
+    Whose conduct was scroobious and wily;
+    He rushed up a Palm when the weather was calm,
+    And observed all the ruins of Philoe.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man with a poker,
+    Who painted his face with red ochre.
+    When they said, "You 're a Guy!" he made no reply,
+    But knocked them all down with his poker.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Prague,
+    Who was suddenly seized with the plague;
+    But they gave him some butter, which caused him to mutter,
+    And cured that Old Person of Prague.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Peru,
+    Who watched his wife making a stew;
+    But once, by mistake, in a stove she did bake
+    That unfortunate Man of Peru.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the North,
+    Who fell into a basin of broth;
+    But a laudable cook fished him out with a hook,
+    Which saved that Old Man of the North.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Troy,
+    Whose drink was warm brandy and soy,
+    Which he took with a spoon, by the light of the moon,
+    In sight of the city of Troy.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Mold,
+    Who shrank from sensations of cold;
+    So he purchased some muffs, some furs, and some fluffs,
+    And wrapped himself well from the cold.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Tring,
+    Who embellished his nose with a ring;
+    He gazed at the moon every evening in June,
+    That ecstatic Old Person of Tring.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Nepaul,
+    From his horse had a terrible fall;
+    But, though split quite in two, with some very strong glue
+    They mended that man of Nepaul.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the Nile,
+    Who sharpened his nails with a file,
+    Till he cut off his thumbs, and said calmly, "This comes
+    Of sharpening one's nails with a file!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of th' Abruzzi,
+    So blind that he couldn't his foot see;
+    When they said, "That's your toe," he replied, "Is it so?"
+    That doubtful Old Man of th' Abruzzi.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Calcutta,
+    Who perpetually ate bread and butter;
+    Till a great bit of muffin, on which he was stuffing,
+    Choked that horrid Old Man of Calcutta.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Rhodes,
+    Who strongly objected to toads;
+    He paid several cousins to catch them by dozens,
+    That futile Old Person of Rhodes.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the South,
+    Who had an immoderate mouth;
+    But in swallowing a dish that was quite full of Fish,
+    He was choked, that Old Man of the South.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Melrose,
+    Who walked on the tips of his toes;
+    But they said, "It ain't pleasant to see you at present,
+    You stupid Old Man of Melrose."
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the Dee,
+    Who was sadly annoyed by a Flea;
+    When he said, "I will scratch it!" they gave him a hatchet,
+    Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Lucca,
+    Whose lovers completely forsook her;
+    She ran up a tree, and said "Fiddle-de-dee!"
+    Which embarrassed the people of Lucca.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Coblenz,
+    The length of whose legs was immense;
+    He went with one prance from Turkey to France,
+    That surprising Old Man of Coblenz.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Bohemia,
+    Whose daughter was christened Euphemia;
+    But one day, to his grief, she married a thief,
+    Which grieved that Old Man of Bohemia.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Corfu,
+    Who never knew what he should do;
+    So he rushed up and down, till the sun made him brown,
+    That bewildered Old Man of Corfu.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Vesuvius,
+    Who studied the works of Vitruvius;
+    When the flames burnt his book, to drinking he took,
+    That morbid Old Man of Vesuvius.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Dundee,
+    Who frequented the top of a tree;
+    When disturbed by the Crows, he abruptly arose,
+    And exclaimed, "I'll return to Dundee!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Lady whose folly
+    Induced her to sit in a holly;
+    Whereon, by a thorn her dress being torn,
+    She quickly became melancholy.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man on some rocks,
+    Who shut his Wife up in a box:
+    When she said, "Let me out," he exclaimed, "Without doubt
+    You will pass all your life in that box."
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Rheims,
+    Who was troubled with horrible dreams;
+    So to keep him awake they fed him with cake,
+    Which amused that Old Person of Rheims.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Leghorn,
+    The smallest that ever was born;
+    But quickly snapt up he was once by a Puppy,
+    Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man in a pew,
+    Whose waistcoat was spotted with blue;
+    But he tore it in pieces, to give to his Nieces,
+    That cheerful Old Man in a pew.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Jamaica,
+    Who suddenly married a Quaker;
+    But she cried out, "Oh, lack! I have married a black!"
+    Which distressed that Old Man of Jamaica.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man who said, "How
+    Shall I flee from this horrible Cow?
+    I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile,
+    Which may soften the heart of that Cow."
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Troy,
+    Whom several large flies did annoy;
+    Some she killed with a thump, some she drowned at the pump,
+    And some she took with her to Troy.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Hull,
+    Who was chased by a virulent Bull;
+    But she seized on a spade, and called out, "Who's afraid?"
+    Which distracted that virulent Bull.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Dutton,
+    Whose head was as small as a button;
+    So to make it look big he purchased a wig,
+    And rapidly rushed about Dutton.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man who said, "Hush!
+    I perceive a young bird in this bush!"
+    When they said, "Is it small?" he replied, "Not at all;
+    It is four times as big as the bush!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Russia,
+    Who screamed so that no one could hush her;
+    Her screams were extreme,--no one heard such a scream
+    As was screamed by that Lady of Russia.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Tyre,
+    Who swept the loud chords of a lyre;
+    At the sound of each sweep she enraptured the deep,
+    And enchanted the city of Tyre.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Bangor,
+    Whose face was distorted with anger;
+    He tore off his boots, and subsisted on roots,
+    That borascible Person of Bangor.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the East,
+    Who gave all his children a feast;
+    But they all ate so much, and their conduct was such,
+    That it killed that Old Man of the East.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the Coast,
+    Who placidly sat on a post;
+    But when it was cold he relinquished his hold,
+    And called for some hot buttered toast.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Kamschatka,
+    Who possessed a remarkably fat Cur;
+    His gait and his waddle were held as a model
+    To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Gretna,
+    Who rushed down the crater of Etna;
+    When they said, "Is it hot?" he replied, "No, it's not!"
+    That mendacious Old Person of Gretna.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man with a beard,
+    Who sat on a Horse when he reared;
+    But they said, "Never mind! you will fall off behind,
+    You propitious Old Man with a beard!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Berlin,
+    Whose form was uncommonly thin;
+    Till he once, by mistake, was mixed up in a cake,
+    So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the West,
+    Who never could get any rest;
+    So they set him to spin on his nose and his chin,
+    Which cured that Old Man of the West.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Cheadle
+    Was put in the stocks by the Beadle
+    For stealing some pigs, some coats, and some wigs,
+    That horrible person of Cheadle.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Anerley,
+    Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly;
+    He rushed down the Strand with a Pig in each hand,
+    But returned in the evening to Anerley.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Wales,
+    Who caught a large Fish without scales;
+    When she lifted her hook, she exclaimed, "Only look!"
+    That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Welling,
+    Whose praise all the world was a-telling;
+    She played on the harp, and caught several Carp,
+    That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Tartary,
+    Who divided his jugular artery;
+    But he screeched to his Wife, and she said, "Oh, my life!
+    Your death will be felt by all Tartary!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Whitehaven,
+    Who danced a quadrille with a Raven;
+    But they said, "It's absurd to encourage this bird!"
+    So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Sweden,
+    Who went by the slow train to Weedon;
+    When they cried, "Weedon Station!" she made no observation,
+    But thought she should go back to Sweden.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Chester,
+    Whom several small children did pester;
+    They threw some large stones, which broke most of his bones,
+    And displeased that Old Person of Chester.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the Cape,
+    Who possessed a large Barbary Ape;
+    Till the Ape, one dark night, set the house all alight,
+    Which burned that Old Man of the Cape.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Burton,
+    Whose answers were rather uncertain;
+    When they said, "How d' ye do?" he replied, "Who are you?"
+    That distressing Old Person of Burton.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Ems
+    Who casually fell in the Thames;
+    And when he was found, they said he was drowned,
+    That unlucky Old Person of Ems.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Girl of Majorca,
+    Whose Aunt was a very fast walker;
+    She walked seventy miles, and leaped fifteen stiles,
+    Which astonished that Girl of Majorca.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Poole,
+    Whose soup was excessively cool;
+    So she put it to boil by the aid of some oil,
+    That ingenious Young Lady of Poole.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Lady of Prague,
+    Whose language was horribly vague;
+    When they said, "Are these caps?" she answered, "Perhaps!"
+    That oracular Lady of Prague.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Parma,
+    Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer:
+    When they said, "Are you dumb?" she merely said, "Hum!"
+    That provoking Young Lady of Parma.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Sparta,
+    Who had twenty-five sons and one "darter;"
+    He fed them on Snails, and weighed them in scales,
+    That wonderful Person of Sparta.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man on whose nose
+    Most birds of the air could repose;
+    But they all flew away at the closing of day,
+    Which relieved that Old Man and his nose.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Turkey,
+    Who wept when the weather was murky;
+    When the day turned out fine, she ceased to repine,
+    That capricious Young Lady of Turkey.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Aosta
+    Who possessed a large Cow, but he lost her;
+    But they said, "Don't you see she has run up a tree,
+    You invidious Old Man of Aosta?"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Person of Crete,
+    Whose toilette was far from complete;
+    She dressed in a sack spickle-speckled with black,
+    That ombliferous Person of Crete.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Clare,
+    Who was madly pursued by a Bear;
+    When she found she was tired, she abruptly expired,
+    That unfortunate Lady of Clare.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
+    Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
+    But its color and size so bedazzled her eyes,
+    That she very soon went back to Dorking.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Cape Horn,
+    Who wished he had never been born;
+    So he sat on a Chair till he died of despair,
+    That dolorous Man of Cape Horn.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old Person of Cromer,
+    Who stood on one leg to read Homer;
+    When he found he grew stiff, he jumped over the cliff,
+    Which concluded that Person of Cromer.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of the Hague,
+    Whose ideas were excessively vague;
+    He built a balloon to examine the moon,
+    That deluded Old Man of the Hague.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Spain,
+    Who hated all trouble and pain;
+    So he sate on a chair with his feet in the air,
+    That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man who said, "Well!
+    Will _nobody_ answer this bell?
+    I have pulled day and night, till my hair has grown white,
+    But nobody answers this bell!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man with an Owl,
+    Who continued to bother and howl;
+    He sat on a rail, and imbibed bitter ale,
+    Which refreshed that Old Man and his Owl.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man in a casement,
+    Who held up his hands in amazement;
+    When they said, "Sir, you'll fall!" he replied, "Not at all!"
+    That incipient Old Man in a casement.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Person of Ewell,
+    Who chiefly subsisted on gruel;
+    But to make it more nice, he inserted some Mice,
+    Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man of Peru.
+    Who never knew what he should do;
+    So he tore off his hair, and behaved like a bear,
+    That intrinsic Old Man of Peru.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man with a beard,
+    Who said, "It is just as I feared!--
+    Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,
+    Have all built their nests in my beard."
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady whose eyes
+    Were unique as to color and size;
+    When she opened them wide, people all turned aside,
+    And started away in surprise.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady of Ryde,
+    Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied;
+    She purchased some clogs, and some small spotty Dogs,
+    And frequently walked about Ryde.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a Young Lady whose bonnet
+    Came untied when the birds sate upon it;
+    But she said, "I don't care! all the birds in the air
+    Are welcome to sit on my bonnet!"
+
+
+
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+NONSENSE SONGS
+
+Stories, Botany, and Alphabets
+
+by
+
+EDWARD LEAR.
+
+With One Hundred and Fifty Illustrations
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+    NONSENSE SONGS.
+        THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT
+        THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO
+        THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY
+        THE JUMBLIES
+        THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS
+        CALICO PIE
+        MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW
+        THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS THE TABLE AND THE
+        CHAIR
+
+    NONSENSE STORIES.
+        THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN WHO WENT ROUND THE WORLD
+        THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES OF THE LAKE PIPPLE-POPPLE
+
+    NONSENSE COOKERY
+
+    NONSENSE BOTANY
+
+    NONSENSE ALPHABET, No. 1
+      "  "  No. 2
+      "  "  No. 3
+
+
+
+
+
+NONSENSE SONGS.
+
+
+THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                    I.
+
+    The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
+      In a beautiful pea-green boat:
+    They took some honey, and plenty of money
+      Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
+    The Owl looked up to the stars above,
+      And sang to a small guitar,
+   "O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
+        What a beautiful Pussy you are,
+          You are,
+          You are!
+      What a beautiful Pussy you are!"
+
+
+                    II.
+
+    Pussy said to the Owl, "You elegant fowl,
+      How charmingly sweet you sing!
+    Oh! let us be married; too long we have tarried:
+      But what shall we do for a ring?"
+    They sailed away, for a year and a day,
+      To the land where the bong-tree grows;
+    And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,
+      With a ring at the end of his nose,
+          His nose,
+          His nose,
+      With a ring at the end of his nose.
+
+
+                    III.
+
+    "Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
+      Your ring?" Said the Piggy, "I will."
+    So they took it away, and were married next day
+      By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
+    They dined on mince and slices of quince,
+      Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
+    And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
+      They danced by the light of the moon,
+          The moon,
+          The moon,
+    They danced by the light of the moon.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                    I.
+
+    Said the Duck to the Kangaroo,
+       "Good gracious! how you hop
+    Over the fields, and the water too,
+        As if you never would stop!
+    My life is a bore in this nasty pond;
+    And I long to go out in the world beyond:
+        I wish I could hop like you,"
+        Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.
+
+
+                    II.
+
+   "Please give me a ride on your back,"
+        Said the Duck to the Kangaroo:
+   "I would sit quite still, and say nothing but 'Quack'
+        The whole of the long day through;
+    And we 'd go the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,
+    Over the land, and over the sea:
+        Please take me a ride! oh, do!"
+        Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.
+
+              [Illustration]
+
+
+                    III.
+
+    Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
+       "This requires some little reflection.
+    Perhaps, on the whole, it might bring me luck;
+        And there seems but one objection;
+    Which is, if you'll let me speak so bold,
+    Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,
+        And would probably give me the roo-
+        Matiz," said the Kangaroo.
+
+              [Illustration]
+
+
+                    IV.
+
+    Said the Duck, "As I sate on the rocks,
+        I have thought over that completely;
+    And I bought four pairs of worsted socks,
+        Which fit my web-feet neatly;
+    And, to keep out the cold, I've bought a cloak;
+    And every day a cigar I'll smoke;
+        All to follow my own dear true
+        Love of a Kangaroo."
+
+
+                    V.
+
+    Said the Kangaroo, "I'm ready,
+        All in the moonlight pale;
+    But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady,
+        And quite at the end of my tail."
+    So away they went with a hop and a bound;
+    And they hopped the whole world three times round.
+        And who so happy, oh! who,
+        As the Duck and the Kangaroo?
+
+             [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                    I.
+
+    Once Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
+        Dressed in brown and gray,
+    Walked about upon the sands
+        Upon a summer's day:
+    And there among the pebbles,
+        When the wind was rather cold,
+    He met with Mr. Floppy Fly,
+        All dressed in blue and gold;
+    And, as it was too soon to dine,
+    They drank some periwinkle-wine,
+    And played an hour or two, or more,
+    At battlecock and shuttledore.
+
+
+                    II.
+
+    Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs
+        To Mr. Floppy Fly,
+    "Why do you never come to court?
+        I wish you 'd tell me why.
+    All gold and shine, in dress so fine,
+        You'd quite delight the court.
+    Why do you never go at all?
+        I really think you _ought_.
+    And, if you went, you'd see such sights!
+    Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights!
+    And, more than all, the king and queen,--
+    One in red, and one in green."
+
+
+                    III.
+
+    "O Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
+        Said Mr. Floppy Fly,
+    "It's true I never go to court;
+        And I will tell you why.
+    If I had six long legs like yours,
+        At once I'd go to court;
+    But, oh! I can't, because _my_ legs
+        Are so extremely short.
+    And I'm afraid the king and queen
+    (One in red, and one in green)
+    Would say aloud, 'You are not fit,
+    You Fly, to come to court a bit!'"
+
+
+                    IV.
+
+    "Oh, Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
+        Said Mr. Floppy Fly,
+    "I wish you 'd sing one little song,
+        One mumbian melody.
+    You used to sing so awful well
+        In former days gone by;
+    But now you never sing at all:
+        I wish you'd tell me why:
+    For, if you would, the silvery sound
+    Would please the shrimps and cockles round,
+    And all the crabs would gladly come
+    To hear you sing, 'Ah, Hum di Hum!'"
+
+
+                    V.
+
+    Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
+       "I can never sing again;
+    And, if you wish, I'll tell you why,
+        Although it gives me pain.
+    For years I cannot hum a bit,
+        Or sing the smallest song;
+    And this the dreadful reason is,--
+        My legs are grown too long!
+    My six long legs, all here and there,
+    Oppress my bosom with despair;
+    And, if I stand or lie or sit,
+    I cannot sing one single bit!"
+
+
+                    VI.
+
+    So Mr. Daddy Long-legs
+        And Mr. Floppy Fly
+    Sat down in silence by the sea,
+        And gazed upon the sky.
+    They said, "This is a dreadful thing!
+        The world has all gone wrong,
+    Since one has legs too short by half,
+        The other much too long.
+    One never more can go to court,
+    Because his legs have grown too short;
+    The other cannot sing a song,
+    Because his legs have grown too long!"
+
+
+                    VII.
+
+    Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs
+        And Mr. Floppy Fly
+    Rushed downward to the foamy sea
+        With one sponge-taneous cry:
+    And there they found a little boat,
+        Whose sails were pink and gray;
+    And off they sailed among the waves,
+        Far and far away:
+    They sailed across the silent main,
+    And reached the great Gromboolian Plain;
+    And there they play forevermore
+    At battlecock and shuttledore.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+THE JUMBLIES.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                    I.
+
+    They went to sea in a sieve, they did;
+        In a sieve they went to sea:
+    In spite of all their friends could say,
+    On a winter's morn, on a stormy day,
+        In a sieve they went to sea.
+    And when the sieve turned round and round,
+    And every one cried, "You'll all be drowned!"
+    They called aloud, "Our sieve ain't big;
+    But we don't care a button, we don't care a fig:
+        In a sieve we'll go to sea!"
+             Far and few, far and few,
+        Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
+             Their heads are green, and their hands are blue
+        And they went to sea in a sieve.
+
+
+                     II.
+
+    They sailed away in a sieve, they did,
+        In a sieve they sailed so fast,
+    With only a beautiful pea-green veil
+    Tied with a ribbon, by way of a sail,
+        To a small tobacco-pipe mast.
+    And every one said who saw them go,
+   "Oh! won't they be soon upset, you know?
+    For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long;
+    And, happen what may, it's extremely wrong
+        In a sieve to sail so fast."
+            Far and few, far and few,
+        Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
+            Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
+        And they went to sea in a sieve.
+
+
+                     III.
+
+    The water it soon came in, it did;
+        The water it soon came in:
+    So, to keep them dry, they wrapped their feet
+        In a pinky paper all folded neat;
+    And they fastened it down with a pin.
+    And they passed the night in a crockery-jar;
+    And each of them said, "How wise we are!
+    Though the sky be dark, and the voyage be long,
+    Yet we never can think we were rash or wrong,
+        While round in our sieve we spin."
+            Far and few, far and few,
+        Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
+            Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
+        And they went to sea in a sieve.
+
+
+                     IV.
+
+    And all night long they sailed away;
+        And when the sun went down,
+    They whistled and warbled a moony song
+        To the echoing sound of a coppery gong,
+    In the shade of the mountains brown.
+   "O Timballoo! How happy we are
+    When we live in a sieve and a crockery-jar!
+    And all night long, in the moonlight pale,
+    We sail away with a pea-green sail
+        In the shade of the mountains brown."
+            Far and few, far and few,
+        Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
+            Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
+        And they went to sea in a sieve.
+
+
+                     V.
+
+    They sailed to the Western Sea, they did,--
+        To a land all covered with trees:
+    And they bought an owl, and a useful cart,
+        And a pound of rice, and a cranberry-tart,
+    And a hive of silvery bees;
+    And they bought a pig, and some green jackdaws,
+    And a lovely monkey with lollipop paws,
+    And forty bottles of ring-bo-ree,
+        And no end of Stilton cheese.
+            Far and few, far and few,
+        Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
+            Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
+        And they went to sea in a sieve.
+
+
+                     VI.
+
+    And in twenty years they all came back,--
+        In twenty years or more;
+    And every one said, "How tall they've grown!
+        For they've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone,
+    And the hills of the Chankly Bore."
+    And they drank their health, and gave them a feast
+    Of dumplings made of beautiful yeast;
+    And every one said, "If we only live,
+    We, too, will go to sea in a sieve,
+        To the hills of the Chankly Bore."
+            Far and few, far and few,
+        Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
+            Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
+        And they went to sea in a sieve.
+
+
+
+
+THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                     I.
+
+    The Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table;
+        The Sugar-tongs sate by a plate at his side;
+    And the Nutcrackers said, "Don't you wish we were able
+        Along the blue hills and green meadows to ride?
+    Must we drag on this stupid existence forever,
+        So idle and weary, so full of remorse,
+    While every one else takes his pleasure, and never
+        Seems happy unless he is riding a horse?
+
+
+                     II.
+
+    "Don't you think we could ride without being instructed,
+        Without any saddle or bridle or spur?
+    Our legs are so long, and so aptly constructed,
+        I'm sure that an accident could not occur.
+    Let us all of a sudden hop down from the table,
+        And hustle downstairs, and each jump on a horse!
+    Shall we try? Shall we go? Do you think we are able?"
+        The Sugar-tongs answered distinctly, "Of course!"
+
+
+                     III.
+
+    So down the long staircase they hopped in a minute;
+        The Sugar-tongs snapped, and the Crackers said "Crack!"
+    The stable was open; the horses were in it:
+        Each took out a pony, and jumped on his back.
+    The Cat in a fright scrambled out of the doorway;
+        The Mice tumbled out of a bundle of hay;
+    The brown and white Rats, and the black ones from Norway,
+        Screamed out, "They are taking the horses away!"
+
+
+                     IV.
+
+    The whole of the household was filled with amazement:
+        The Cups and the Saucers danced madly about;
+    The Plates and the Dishes looked out of the casement;
+        The Salt-cellar stood on his head with a shout;
+    The Spoons, with a clatter, looked out of the lattice;
+        The Mustard-pot climbed up the gooseberry-pies;
+    The Soup-ladle peeped through a heap of veal-patties,
+        And squeaked with a ladle-like scream of surprise.
+
+
+                     V.
+
+    The Frying-pan said, "It's an awful delusion!"
+        The Tea-kettle hissed, and grew black in the face;
+    And they all rushed downstairs in the wildest confusion
+        To see the great Nutcracker-Sugar-tong race.
+    And out of the stable, with screamings and laughter
+        (Their ponies were cream-colored, speckled with brown),
+    The Nutcrackers first, and the Sugar-tongs after;
+        Rode all round the yard, and then all round the town.
+
+
+                     VI.
+
+    They rode through the street, and they rode by the station;
+        They galloped away to the beautiful shore;
+    In silence they rode, and "made no observation,"
+        Save this: "We will never go back any more!"
+    And still you might hear, till they rode out of hearing,
+        The Sugar-tongs snap, and the Crackers say "Crack!"
+    Till, far in the distance their forms disappearing,
+        They faded away; and they never came back!
+
+
+
+
+CALICO PIE.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                     I.
+
+      Calico pie,
+      The little birds fly
+    Down to the calico-tree:
+      Their wings were blue,
+      And they sang "Tilly-loo!"
+      Till away they flew;
+        And they never came back to me!
+          They never came back,
+          They never came back,
+        They never came back to me!
+
+
+                     II.
+
+      Calico jam,
+      The little Fish swam
+    Over the Syllabub Sea.
+      He took off his hat
+      To the Sole and the Sprat,
+      And the Willeby-wat:
+        But he never came back to me;
+          He never came back,
+          He never came back,
+        He never came back to me.
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+
+                     III.
+
+      Calico ban,
+      The little Mice ran
+    To be ready in time for tea;
+      Flippity flup,
+      They drank it all up,
+      And danced in the cup:
+        But they never came back to me;
+          They never came back,
+          They never came back,
+        They never came back to me.
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+
+                     IV.
+
+      Calico drum,
+      The Grasshoppers come,
+    The Butterfly, Beetle, and Bee,
+      Over the ground,
+      Around and round,
+      With a hop and a bound;
+        But they never came back,
+          They never came back,
+          They never came back.
+        They never came back to me.
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                     I.
+
+    On a little piece of wood
+    Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood:
+    Mrs. Sparrow sate close by,
+    A-making of an insect-pie
+    For her little children five,
+    In the nest and all alive;
+    Singing with a cheerful smile,
+    To amuse them all the while,
+       "Twikky wikky wikky wee,
+        Wikky bikky twikky tee,
+            Spikky bikky bee!"
+
+
+                     II.
+
+    Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said,
+    "Spikky, darling! in my head
+    Many thoughts of trouble come,
+    Like to flies upon a plum.
+    All last night, among the trees,
+    I heard you cough, I heard you sneeze;
+    And thought I, 'It's come to that
+    Because he does not wear a hat!'
+        Chippy wippy sikky tee,
+        Bikky wikky tikky mee,
+            Spikky chippy wee!
+
+
+                     III.
+
+    "Not that you are growing old;
+    But the nights are growing cold.
+    No one stays out all night long
+    Without a hat: I'm sure it's wrong!"
+    Mr. Spikky said, "How kind,
+    Dear, you are, to speak your mind!
+    All your life I wish you luck!
+    You are, you are, a lovely duck!
+        Witchy witchy witchy wee,
+        Twitchy witchy witchy bee,
+            Tikky tikky tee!
+
+
+                     IV.
+
+    "I was also sad, and thinking,
+    When one day I saw you winking,
+    And I heard you sniffle-snuffle,
+    And I saw your feathers ruffle:
+    To myself I sadly said,
+    'She's neuralgia in her head!
+    That dear head has nothing on it!
+    Ought she not to wear a bonnet?'
+        Witchy kitchy kitchy wee,
+        Spikky wikky mikky bee,
+            Chippy wippy chee!
+
+
+                     V.
+
+    "Let us both fly up to town:
+    There I'll buy you such a gown!
+    Which, completely in the fashion,
+    You shall tie a sky-blue sash on;
+    And a pair of slippers neat
+    To fit your darling little feet,
+    So that you will look and feel
+    Quite galloobious and genteel.
+        Jikky wikky bikky see,
+        Chicky bikky wikky bee,
+            Twicky witchy wee!"
+
+
+                     VI.
+
+    So they both to London went,
+    Alighting on the Monument;
+    Whence they flew down swiftly--pop!
+    Into Moses' wholesale shop:
+    There they bought a hat and bonnet,
+    And a gown with spots upon it,
+    A satin sash of Cloxam blue,
+    And a pair of slippers too.
+        Zikky wikky mikky bee,
+        Witchy witchy mitchy kee,
+            Sikky tikky wee!
+
+
+                     VII.
+
+    Then, when so completely dressed,
+    Back they flew, and reached their nest.
+    Their children cried, "O ma and pa!
+    How truly beautiful you are!"
+    Said they, "We trust that cold or pain
+    We shall never feel again;
+    While, perched on tree or house or steeple,
+    We now shall look like other people.
+        Witchy witchy witchy wee,
+        Twikky mikky bikky bee,
+            Zikky sikky tee!"
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                     I.
+
+    The Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and Tongs,
+      They all took a drive in the Park;
+    And they each sang a song, ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
+      Before they went back in the dark.
+    Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach;
+      Mr. Tongs made a clatter and clash;
+    Miss Shovel was dressed all in black (with a brooch);
+      Mrs. Broom was in blue (with a sash).
+        Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
+        And they all sang a song.
+
+
+                     II.
+
+   "O Shovely so lovely!" the Poker he sang,
+     "You have perfectly conquered my heart.
+    Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! If you're pleased with my song,
+      I will feed you with cold apple-tart.
+    When you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound,
+      You enrapture my life with delight,
+    Your nose is so shiny, your head is so round,
+      And your shape is so slender and bright!
+        Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
+        Ain't you pleased with my song?"
+
+
+                     III.
+
+   "Alas! Mrs. Broom," sighed the Tongs in his song,
+     "Oh! is it because I'm so thin,
+    And my legs are so long,--ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!--
+      That you don't care about me a pin?
+    Ah! fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room,
+      Ah! why don't you heed my complaint?
+    Must you needs be so cruel, you beautiful Broom,
+      Because you are covered with paint?
+        Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
+        You are certainly wrong."
+
+
+                     IV.
+
+    Mrs. Broom and Miss Shovel together they sang,
+     "What nonsense you're singing to-day!"
+    Said the Shovel, "I'll certainly hit you a bang!"
+      Said the Broom, "And I'll sweep you away!"
+    So the coachman drove homeward as fast as he could,
+      Perceiving their anger with pain;
+    But they put on the kettle, and little by little
+      They all became happy again.
+        Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
+        There's an end of my song.
+
+
+
+
+THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                     I.
+
+    Said the Table to the Chair,
+    "You can hardly be aware
+    How I suffer from the heat
+    And from chilblains on my feet.
+    If we took a little walk,
+    We might have a little talk;
+    Pray let us take the air,"
+    Said the Table to the Chair.
+
+
+                     II.
+
+    Said the Chair unto the Table,
+    "Now, you _know_ we are not able:
+    How foolishly you talk,
+    When you know we _cannot_ walk!"
+    Said the Table with a sigh,
+    "It can do no harm to try.
+    I've as many legs as you:
+    Why can't we walk on two?"
+
+
+                     III.
+
+    So they both went slowly down,
+    And walked about the town
+    With a cheerful bumpy sound
+    As they toddled round and round;
+    And everybody cried,
+    As they hastened to their side,
+    "See! the Table and the Chair
+    Have come out to take the air!"
+
+
+                     IV.
+
+    But in going down an alley,
+    To a castle in a valley,
+    They completely lost their way,
+    And wandered all the day;
+    Till, to see them safely back,
+    They paid a Ducky-quack,
+    And a Beetle, and a Mouse,
+    Who took them to their house.
+
+              [Illustration]
+
+
+                     V.
+
+    Then they whispered to each other,
+    "O delightful little brother,
+    What a lovely walk we've taken!
+    Let us dine on beans and bacon."
+    So the Ducky and the leetle
+    Browny-Mousy and the Beetle
+    Dined, and danced upon their heads
+    Till they toddled to their beds.
+
+              [Illustration]
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+
+
+NONSENSE STORIES.
+
+
+THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN WHO WENT ROUND THE WORLD.
+
+Once upon a time, a long while ago, there were four little people whose
+names were
+
+[Illustration]
+
+VIOLET, SLINGSBY, GUY, and LIONEL;
+and they all thought they should like to see the world. So they bought a
+large boat to sail quite round the world by sea, and then they were to come
+back on the other side by land. The boat was painted blue with green spots,
+and the sail was yellow with red stripes: and, when they set off, they only
+took a small Cat to steer and look after the boat, besides an elderly
+Quangle-Wangle, who had to cook the dinner and make the tea; for which
+purposes they took a large kettle.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully, and found plenty to eat,
+as there were lots of fish; and they had only to take them out of the sea
+with a long spoon, when the Quangle-Wangle instantly cooked them; and the
+Pussy-Cat was fed with the bones, with which she expressed herself pleased,
+on the whole: so that all the party were very happy.
+
+During the daytime, Violet chiefly occupied herself in putting salt water
+into a churn; while her three brothers churned it violently, in the hope
+that it would turn into butter, which it seldom if ever did; and in the
+evening they all retired into the tea-kettle, where they all managed to
+sleep very comfortably, while Pussy and the Quangle-Wangle managed the
+boat.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+After a time, they saw some land at a distance; and, when they came to it,
+they found it was an island made of water quite surrounded by earth.
+Besides that, it was bordered by evanescent isthmuses, with a great
+gulf-stream running about all over it; so that it was perfectly beautiful,
+and contained only a single tree, 503 feet high.
+
+When they had landed, they walked about, but found, to their great
+surprise, that the island was quite full of veal-cutlets and
+chocolate-drops, and nothing else. So they all climbed up the single high
+tree to discover, if possible, if there were any people; but having
+remained on the top of the tree for a week, and not seeing anybody, they
+naturally concluded that there were no inhabitants; and accordingly, when
+they came down, they loaded the boat with two thousand veal-cutlets and a
+million of chocolate-drops; and these afforded them sustenance for more
+than a month, during which time they pursued their voyage with the utmost
+delight and apathy.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+After this they came to a shore where there were no less than sixty-five
+great red parrots with blue tails, sitting on a rail all of a row, and all
+fast asleep. And I am sorry to say that the Pussy-Cat and the
+Quangle-Wangle crept softly, and bit off the tail-feathers of all the
+sixty-five parrots; for which Violet reproved them both severely.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Notwithstanding which, she proceeded to insert all the feathers--two
+hundred and sixty in number--in her bonnet; thereby causing it to have a
+lovely and glittering appearance, highly prepossessing and efficacious.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The next thing that happened to them was in a narrow part of the sea, which
+was so entirely full of fishes that the boat could go on no farther: so
+they remained there about six weeks, till they had eaten nearly all the
+fishes, which were soles, and all ready-cooked, and covered with
+shrimp-sauce, so that there was no trouble whatever. And as the few fishes
+who remained uneaten complained of the cold, as well as of the difficulty
+they had in getting any sleep on account of the extreme noise made by the
+arctic bears and the tropical turnspits, which frequented the neighborhood
+in great numbers, Violet most amiably knitted a small woollen frock for
+several of the fishes, and Slingsby administered some opium-drops to them;
+through which kindness they became quite warm, and slept soundly.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Then they came to a country which was wholly covered with immense
+orange-trees of a vast size, and quite full of fruit. So they all landed,
+taking with them the tea-kettle, intending to gather some of the oranges,
+and place them in it. But, while they were busy about this, a most
+dreadfully high wind rose, and blew out most of the parrot-tail feathers
+from Violet's bonnet. That, however, was nothing compared with the calamity
+of the oranges falling down on their heads by millions and millions, which
+thumped and bumped and bumped and thumped them all so seriously, that they
+were obliged to run as hard as they could for their lives; besides that the
+sound of the oranges rattling on the tea-kettle was of the most fearful and
+amazing nature.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Nevertheless, they got safely to the boat, although considerably vexed and
+hurt; and the Quangle-Wangle's right foot was so knocked about, that he had
+to sit with his head in his slipper for at least a week.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+This event made them all for a time rather melancholy: and perhaps they
+might never have become less so, had not Lionel, with a most praiseworthy
+devotion and perseverance, continued to stand on one leg, and whistle to
+them in a loud and lively manner; which diverted the whole party so
+extremely that they gradually recovered their spirits, and agreed that
+whenever they should reach home, they would subscribe towards a testimonial
+to Lionel, entirely made of gingerbread and raspberries, as an earnest
+token of their sincere and grateful infection.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+After sailing on calmly for several more days, they came to another
+country, where they were much pleased and surprised to see a countless
+multitude of white Mice with red eyes, all sitting in a great circle,
+slowly eating custard-pudding with the most satisfactory and polite
+demeanor.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+And as the four travellers were rather hungry, being tired of eating
+nothing but soles and oranges for so long a period, they held a council as
+to the propriety of asking the Mice for some of their pudding in a humble
+and affecting manner, by which they could hardly be otherwise than
+gratified. It was agreed, therefore, that Guy should go and ask the Mice,
+which he immediately did; and the result was, that they gave a walnut-shell
+only half full of custard diluted with water. Now, this displeased Guy, who
+said, "Out of such a lot of pudding as you have got, I must say, you might
+have spared a somewhat larger quantity." But no sooner had he finished
+speaking than the Mice turned round at once, and sneezed at him in an
+appalling and vindictive manner (and it is impossible to imagine a more
+scroobious and unpleasant sound than that caused by the simultaneous
+sneezing of many millions of angry Mice); so that Guy rushed back to the
+boat, having first shied his cap into the middle of the custard-pudding, by
+which means he completely spoiled the Mice's dinner.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+By and by the four children came to a country where there were no houses,
+but only an incredibly innumerable number of large bottles without corks,
+and of a dazzling and sweetly susceptible blue color. Each of these blue
+bottles contained a Blue-Bottle-Fly; and all these interesting animals live
+continually together in the most copious and rural harmony: nor perhaps in
+many parts of the world is such perfect and abject happiness to be found.
+Violet and Slingsby and Guy and Lionel were greatly struck with this
+singular and instructive settlement; and, having previously asked
+permission of the Blue-Bottle-Flies (which was most courteously granted),
+the boat was drawn up to the shore, and they proceeded to make tea in front
+of the bottles: but as they had no tea-leaves, they merely placed some
+pebbles in the hot water; and the Quangle-Wangle played some tunes over it
+on an accordion, by which, of course, tea was made directly, and of the
+very best quality.
+
+The four children then entered into conversation with the
+Blue-Bottle-Flies, who discoursed in a placid and genteel manner, though
+with a slightly buzzing accent, chiefly owing to the fact that they each
+held a small clothes-brush between their teeth, which naturally occasioned
+a fizzy, extraneous utterance.
+
+"Why," said Violet, "would you kindly inform us, do you reside in bottles;
+and, if in bottles at all, why not, rather, in green or purple, or, indeed,
+in yellow bottles?"
+
+To which questions a very aged Blue-Bottle-Fly answered, "We found the
+bottles here all ready to live in; that is to say, our great-great-great-
+great-great-grandfathers did: so we occupied them at once. And, when the
+winter comes on, we turn the bottles upside down, and consequently rarely
+feel the cold at all; and you know very well that this could not be the
+case with bottles of any other color than blue."
+
+"Of course it could not," said Slingsby. "But, if we may take the liberty
+of inquiring, on what do you chiefly subsist?"
+
+"Mainly on oyster-patties," said the Blue-Bottle-Fly; "and, when these are
+scarce, on raspberry vinegar and Russian leather boiled down to a jelly."
+
+"How delicious!" said Guy.
+
+To which Lionel added, "Huzz!" And all the Blue-Bottle-Flies said, "Buzz!"
+
+At this time, an elderly Fly said it was the hour for the evening-song to
+be sung; and, on a signal being given, all the Blue-Bottle-Flies began to
+buzz at once in a sumptuous and sonorous manner, the melodious and
+mucilaginous sounds echoing all over the waters, and resounding across the
+tumultuous tops of the transitory titmice upon the intervening and verdant
+mountains with a serene and sickly suavity only known to the truly
+virtuous. The Moon was shining slobaciously from the star-bespangled sky,
+while her light irrigated the smooth and shiny sides and wings and backs of
+the Blue-Bottle-Flies with a peculiar and trivial splendor, while all
+Nature cheerfully responded to the cerulean and conspicuous circumstances.
+
+In many long-after years, the four little travellers looked back to that
+evening as one of the happiest in all their lives; and it was already past
+midnight when--the sail of the boat having been set up by the
+Quangle-Wangle, the tea-kettle and churn placed in their respective
+positions, and the Pussy-Cat stationed at the helm--the children each took
+a last and affectionate farewell of the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who walked down
+in a body to the water's edge to see the travellers embark.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+As a token of parting respect and esteem, Violet made a courtesy quite down
+to the ground, and stuck one of her few remaining parrot-tail feathers into
+the back hair of the most pleasing of the Blue-Bottle-Flies; while
+Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel offered them three small boxes, containing,
+respectively, black pins, dried figs, and Epsom salts; and thus they left
+that happy shore forever.
+
+Overcome by their feelings, the four little travellers instantly jumped
+into the tea-kettle, and fell fast asleep. But all along the shore, for
+many hours, there was distinctly heard a sound of severely-suppressed sobs,
+and of a vague multitude of living creatures using their
+pocket-handkerchiefs in a subdued simultaneous snuffle, lingering sadly
+along the walloping waves as the boat sailed farther and farther away from
+the Land of the Happy Blue-Bottle-Flies.
+
+Nothing particular occurred for some days after these events, except that,
+as the travellers were passing a low tract of sand, they perceived an
+unusual and gratifying spectacle; namely, a large number of Crabs and
+Crawfish--perhaps six or seven hundred--sitting by the water-side, and
+endeavoring to disentangle a vast heap of pale pink worsted, which they
+moistened at intervals with a fluid composed of lavender-water and
+white-wine negus.
+
+"Can we be of any service to you, O crusty Crabbies?" said the four
+children.
+
+"Thank you kindly," said the Crabs consecutively. "We are trying to make
+some worsted mittens, but do not know how."
+
+On which Violet, who was perfectly acquainted with the art of
+mitten-making, said to the Crabs, "Do your claws unscrew, or are they
+fixtures?"
+
+"They are all made to unscrew," said the Crabs; and forthwith they
+deposited a great pile of claws close to the boat, with which Violet
+uncombed all the pale pink worsted, and then made the loveliest mittens
+with it you can imagine. These the Crabs, having resumed and screwed on
+their claws, placed cheerfully upon their wrists, and walked away rapidly
+on their hind-legs, warbling songs with a silvery voice and in a minor key.
+
+After this, the four little people sailed on again till they came to a vast
+and wide plain of astonishing dimensions, on which nothing whatever could
+be discovered at first; but, as the travellers walked onward, there
+appeared in the extreme and dim distance a single object, which on a nearer
+approach, and on an accurately cutaneous inspection, seemed to be somebody
+in a large white wig, sitting on an arm-chair made of sponge-cakes and
+oyster-shells. "It does not quite look like a human being," said Violet
+doubtfully; nor could they make out what it really was, till the
+Quangle-Wangle (who had previously been round the world) exclaimed softly
+in a loud voice, "It is the co-operative Cauliflower!"
+
+[Illustration]
+
+And so, in truth, it was: and they soon found that what they had taken for
+an immense wig was in reality the top of the Cauliflower; and that he had
+no feet at all, being able to walk tolerably well with a fluctuating and
+graceful movement on a single cabbage-stalk,--an accomplishment which
+naturally saved him the expense of stockings and shoes.
+
+Presently, while the whole party from the boat was gazing at him with
+mingled affection and disgust, he suddenly arose, and, in a somewhat
+plumdomphious manner, hurried off towards the setting sun,--his steps
+supported by two superincumbent confidential Cucumbers, and a large number
+of Waterwagtails proceeding in advance of him by three and three in a
+row,--till he finally disappeared on the brink of the western sky in a
+crystal cloud of sudorific sand.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+So remarkable a sight, of course, impressed the four children very deeply;
+and they returned immediately to their boat with a strong sense of
+undeveloped asthma and a great appetite.
+
+Shortly after this, the travellers were obliged to sail directly below some
+high overhanging rocks, from the top of one of which a particularly odious
+little boy, dressed in rose-colored knickerbockers, and with a pewter plate
+upon his head, threw an enormous pumpkin at the boat, by which it was
+instantly upset.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+But this upsetting was of no consequence, because all the party knew how to
+swim very well: and, in fact, they preferred swimming about till after the
+moon rose; when, the water growing chilly, they sponge-taneously entered
+the boat. Meanwhile the Quangle-Wangle threw back the pumpkin with immense
+force, so that it hit the rocks where the malicious little boy in
+rose-colored knickerbockers was sitting; when, being quite full of
+lucifer-matches, the pumpkin exploded surreptitiously into a thousand bits;
+whereon the rocks instantly took fire, and the odious little boy became
+unpleasantly hotter and hotter and hotter, till his knickerbockers were
+turned quite green, and his nose was burnt off.
+
+Two or three days after this had happened, they came to another place,
+where they found nothing at all except some wide and deep pits full of
+mulberry-jam. This is the property of the tiny, yellow-nosed Apes who
+abound in these districts, and who store up the mulberry-jam for their food
+in winter, when they mix it with pellucid pale periwinkle-soup, and serve
+it out in wedgewood china-bowls, which grow freely all over that part of
+the country. Only one of the yellow-nosed Apes was on the spot, and he was
+fast asleep; yet the four travellers and the Quangle-Wangle and Pussy were
+so terrified by the violence and sanguinary sound of his snoring, that they
+merely took a small cupful of the jam, and returned to re-embark in their
+boat without delay.
+
+What was their horror on seeing the boat (including the churn and the
+tea-kettle) in the mouth of an enormous Seeze Pyder, an aquatic and
+ferocious creature truly dreadful to behold, and, happily, only met with in
+those excessive longitudes! In a moment, the beautiful boat was bitten into
+fifty-five thousand million hundred billion bits; and it instantly became
+quite clear that Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel could no longer
+preliminate their voyage by sea.
+
+The four travellers were therefore obliged to resolve on pursuing their
+wanderings by land: and, very fortunately, there happened to pass by at
+that moment an elderly Rhinoceros, on which they seized; and, all four
+mounting on his back,--the Quangle-Wangle sitting on his horn, and holding
+on by his ears, and the Pussy-Cat swinging at the end of his tail,--they
+set off, having only four small beans and three pounds of mashed potatoes
+to last through their whole journey.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+They were, however, able to catch numbers of the chickens and turkeys and
+other birds who incessantly alighted on the head of the Rhinoceros for the
+purpose of gathering the seeds of the rhododendron-plants which grew
+there; and these creatures they cooked in the most translucent and
+satisfactory manner by means of a fire lighted on the end of the
+Rhinoceros's back. A crowd of Kangaroos and gigantic Cranes accompanied
+them, from feelings of curiosity and complacency; so that they were never
+at a loss for company, and went onward, as it were, in a sort of profuse
+and triumphant procession.
+
+Thus in less than eighteen weeks they all arrived safely at home, where
+they were received by their admiring relatives with joy tempered with
+contempt, and where they finally resolved to carry out the rest of their
+travelling-plans at some more favorable opportunity.
+
+As for the Rhinoceros, in token of their grateful adherence, they had him
+killed and stuffed directly, and then set him up outside the door of their
+father's house as a diaphanous doorscraper.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES OF
+THE LAKE PIPPLE-POPPLE.
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+INTRODUCTORY.
+
+In former days,--that is to say, once upon a time,--there lived in the Land
+of Gramble-Blamble seven families. They lived by the side of the great Lake
+Pipple-Popple (one of the seven families, indeed, lived _in_ the lake), and
+on the outskirts of the city of Tosh, which, excepting when it was quite
+dark, they could see plainly. The names of all these places you have
+probably heard of; and you have only not to look in your geography-books to
+find out all about them.
+
+Now, the seven families who lived on the borders of the great Lake
+Pipple-Popple were as follows in the next chapter.
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+THE SEVEN FAMILIES.
+
+There was a family of two old Parrots and seven young Parrots.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+There was a family of two old Storks and seven young Storks.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+There was a family of two old Geese and seven young Geese.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+There was a family of two old Owls and seven young Owls.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+There was a family of two old Guinea Pigs and seven young Guinea Pigs.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+There was a family of two old Cats and seven young Cats.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+And there was a family of two old Fishes and seven young Fishes.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+THE HABITS OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.
+
+The Parrots lived upon the Soffsky-Poffsky trees, which were beautiful to
+behold, and covered with blue leaves; and they fed upon fruit, artichokes,
+and striped beetles.
+
+The Storks walked in and out of the Lake Pipple-Popple, and ate frogs for
+breakfast, and buttered toast for tea; but on account of the extreme length
+of their legs they could not sit down, and so they walked about
+continually.
+
+The Geese, having webs to their feet, caught quantities of flies, which
+they ate for dinner.
+
+The Owls anxiously looked after mice, which they caught, and made into
+sago-puddings.
+
+The Guinea Pigs toddled about the gardens, and ate lettuces and Cheshire
+cheese.
+
+The Cats sate still in the sunshine, and fed upon sponge biscuits.
+
+The Fishes lived in the lake, and fed chiefly on boiled periwinkles.
+
+And all these seven families lived together in the utmost fun and felicity.
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+THE CHILDREN OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES ARE SENT AWAY.
+
+One day all the seven fathers and the seven mothers of the seven families
+agreed that they would send their children out to see the world.
+
+So they called them all together, and gave them each eight shillings and
+some good advice, some chocolate-drops, and a small green morocco
+pocket-book to set down their expenses in.
+
+They then particularly entreated them not to quarrel; and all the parents
+sent off their children with a parting injunction.
+
+"If," said the old Parrots, "you find a cherry, do not fight about who
+should have it."
+
+"And," said the old Storks, "if you find a frog, divide it carefully into
+seven bits, but on no account quarrel about it."
+
+And the old Geese said to the seven young Geese, "Whatever you do, be sure
+you do not touch a plum-pudding flea."
+
+And the old Owls said, "If you find a mouse, tear him up into seven slices,
+and eat him cheerfully, but without quarrelling."
+
+And the old Guinea Pigs said, "Have a care that you eat your lettuces,
+should you find any, not greedily, but calmly."
+
+And the old Cats said, "Be particularly careful not to meddle with a
+clangle-wangle if you should see one."
+
+And the old Fishes said, "Above all things, avoid eating a blue boss-woss;
+for they do not agree with fishes, and give them a pain in their toes."
+
+So all the children of each family thanked their parents; and, making in
+all forty-nine polite bows, they went into the wide world.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG PARROTS.
+
+The seven young Parrots had not gone far, when they saw a tree with a
+single cherry on it, which the oldest Parrot picked instantly; but the
+other six, being extremely hungry, tried to get it also. On which all the
+seven began to fight; and they
+scuffled,
+     and huffled,
+       and ruffled,
+         and shuffled,
+           and puffled,
+             and muffled,
+               and buffled,
+                 and duffled,
+                   and fluffled,
+                     and guffled,
+                       and bruffled,
+                         and screamed, and shrieked, and squealed,
+and squeaked, and clawed, and snapped, and bit, and bumped, and thumped,
+and dumped, and flumped each other, till they were all torn into little
+bits; and at last there was nothing left to record this painful incident
+except the cherry and seven small green feathers.
+
+And that was the vicious and voluble end of the seven young Parrots.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG STORKS.
+
+When the seven young Storks set out, they walked or flew for fourteen weeks
+in a straight line, and for six weeks more in a crooked one; and after that
+they ran as hard as they could for one hundred and eight miles; and after
+that they stood still, and made a himmeltanious chatter-clatter-blattery
+noise with their bills.
+
+About the same time they perceived a large frog, spotted with green, and
+with a sky-blue stripe under each ear.
+
+So, being hungry, they immediately flew at him, and were going to divide
+him into seven pieces, when they began to quarrel as to which of his legs
+should be taken off first. One said this, and another said that; and while
+they were all quarrelling, the frog hopped away. And when they saw that he
+was gone, they began to
+  chatter-clatter,
+      blatter-platter,
+          patter-blatter,
+              matter-clatter,
+                  flatter-quatter,
+more violently than ever; and after they
+had fought for a week, they pecked each other all to little pieces, so that
+at last nothing was left of any of them except their bills.
+
+And that was the end of the seven young Storks.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GEESE.
+
+When the seven young Geese began to travel, they went over a large plain,
+on which there was but one tree, and that was, a very bad one.
+
+So four of them went up to the top of it, and looked about them; while the
+other three waddled up and down, and repeated poetry, and their last six
+lessons in arithmetic, geography, and cookery.
+
+Presently they perceived, a long way off, an object of the most interesting
+and obese appearance, having a perfectly round body exactly resembling a
+boiled plum-pudding, with two little wings, and a beak, and three feathers
+growing out of his head, and only one leg.
+
+So, after a time, all the seven young Geese said to each other, "Beyond all
+doubt this beast must be a Plum-pudding Flea!"
+
+On which they incautiously began to sing aloud,
+
+       "Plum-pudding Flea,
+        Plum-pudding Flea,
+        Wherever you be,
+        Oh! come to our tree,
+    And listen, oh! listen, oh! listen to me!"
+
+And no sooner had they sung this verse than the Plum-pudding Flea began to
+hop and skip on his one leg with the most dreadful velocity, and came
+straight to the tree, where he stopped, and looked about him in a vacant
+and voluminous manner.
+
+On which the seven young Geese were greatly alarmed, and all of a
+tremble-bemble: so one of them put out his long neck, and just touched him
+with the tip of his bill; but no sooner had he done this than the
+Plum-pudding Flea skipped and hopped about more and more, and higher and
+higher; after which he opened his mouth, and, to the great surprise and
+indignation of the seven Geese, began to bark so loudly and furiously and
+terribly, that they were totally unable to bear the noise; and by degrees
+every one of them suddenly tumbled down quite dead.
+
+So that was the end of the seven young Geese.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG OWLS.
+
+When the seven young Owls set out, they sate every now and then on the
+branches of old trees, and never went far at one time.
+
+And one night, when it was quite dark, they thought they heard a mouse;
+but, as the gas-lamps were not lighted, they could not see him.
+
+So they called out, "Is that a mouse?"
+
+On which a mouse answered, "Squeaky-peeky-weeky! yes, it is!"
+
+And immediately all the young Owls threw themselves off the tree, meaning
+to alight on the ground; but they did not perceive that there was a large
+well below them, into which they all fell superficially, and were every one
+of them drowned in less than half a minute.
+
+So that was the end of the seven young Owls.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GUINEA PIGS.
+
+The seven young Guinea Pigs went into a garden full of goose-berry-bushes
+and tiggory-trees, under one of which they fell asleep. When they awoke,
+they saw a large lettuce, which had grown out of the ground while they had
+been sleeping, and which had an immense number of green leaves. At which
+they all exclaimed,--
+
+   "Lettuce! O lettuce
+    Let us, O let us,
+    O lettuce-leaves,
+    O let us leave this tree, and eat
+    Lettuce, O let us, lettuce-leaves!"
+
+And instantly the seven young Guinea Pigs rushed with such extreme force
+against the lettuce-plant, and hit their heads so vividly against its
+stalk, that the concussion brought on directly an incipient transitional
+inflammation of their noses, which grew worse and worse and worse and
+worse, till it incidentally killed them all seven.
+
+And that was the end of the seven young Guinea Pigs.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG CATS.
+
+The seven young Cats set off on their travels with great delight and
+rapacity. But, on coming to the top of a high hill, they perceived at a
+long distance off a Clangle-Wangle (or, as it is more properly written,
+Clangel-Wangel); and, in spite of the warning they had had, they ran
+straight up to it.
+
+(Now, the Clangle-Wangle is a most dangerous and delusive beast, and by no
+means commonly to be met with. They live in the water as well as on land,
+using their long tail as a sail when in the former element. Their speed is
+extreme; but their habits of life are domestic and superfluous, and their
+general demeanor pensive and pellucid. On summer evenings, they may
+sometimes be observed near the Lake Pipple-Popple, standing on their heads,
+and humming their national melodies. They subsist entirely on vegetables,
+excepting when they eat veal or mutton or pork or beef or fish or
+saltpetre.)
+
+The moment the Clangle-Wangle saw the seven young Cats approach, he ran
+away; and as he ran straight on for four months, and the Cats, though they
+continued to run, could never overtake him, they all gradually _died_ of
+fatigue and exhaustion, and never afterwards recovered.
+
+And this was the end of the seven young Cats.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG FISHES.
+
+The seven young Fishes swam across the Lake Pipple-Popple, and into the
+river, and into the ocean; where, most unhappily for them, they saw, on the
+fifteenth day of their travels, a bright-blue Boss-Woss, and instantly swam
+after him. But the Blue Boss-Woss plunged into a
+    perpendicular,
+        spicular,
+            orbicular,
+                quadrangular,
+                     circular depth of soft mud;
+where, in fact, his house was.
+
+And the seven young Fishes, swimming with great and uncomfortable velocity,
+plunged also into the mud quite against their will, and, not being
+accustomed to it, were all suffocated in a very short period.
+
+And that was the end of the seven young Fishes.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+OF WHAT OCCURRED SUBSEQUENTLY.
+
+After it was known that the
+
+            seven young Parrots,
+    and the seven young Storks,
+    and the seven young Geese,
+    and the seven young Owls,
+    and the seven young Guinea Pigs,
+    and the seven young Cats,
+    and the seven young Fishes,
+
+were all dead, then the Frog, and the Plum-pudding Flea, and the Mouse, and
+the Clangle-Wangle, and the Blue Boss-Woss, all met together to rejoice
+over their good fortune. And they collected the seven feathers of the seven
+young Parrots, and the seven bills of the seven young Storks, and the
+lettuce, and the cherry; and having placed the latter on the lettuce, and
+the other objects in a circular arrangement at their base, they danced a
+hornpipe round all these memorials until they were quite tired; after which
+they gave a tea-party, and a garden-party, and a ball, and a concert, and
+then returned to their respective homes full of joy and respect, sympathy,
+satisfaction, and disgust.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+OF WHAT BECAME OF THE PARENTS OF THE FORTY-NINE CHILDREN.
+
+BUT when the two old Parrots,
+     and the two old Storks,
+     and the two old Geese,
+     and the two old Owls,
+     and the two old Guinea Pigs,
+     and the two old Cats,
+     and the two old Fishes,
+
+became aware, by reading in the newspapers, of the calamitous extinction of
+the whole of their families, they refused all further sustenance; and,
+sending out to various shops, they purchased great quantities of Cayenne
+pepper and brandy and vinegar and blue sealing-wax, besides seven immense
+glass bottles with air-tight stoppers. And, having done this, they ate a
+light supper of brown-bread and Jerusalem artichokes, and took an
+affecting and formal leave of the whole of their acquaintance, which was
+very numerous and distinguished and select and responsible and ridiculous.
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+CONCLUSION.
+
+And after this they filled the bottles with the ingredients for pickling,
+and each couple jumped into a separate bottle; by which effort, of course,
+they all died immediately, and became thoroughly pickled in a few minutes;
+having previously made their wills (by the assistance of the most eminent
+lawyers of the district), in which they left strict orders that the
+stoppers of the seven bottles should be carefully sealed up with the blue
+sealing-wax they had purchased; and that they themselves, in the bottles,
+should be presented to the principal museum of the city of Tosh, to be
+labelled with parchment or any other anti-congenial succedaneum, and to be
+placed on a marble table with silver-gilt legs, for the daily inspection
+and contemplation, and for the perpetual benefit, of the pusillanimous
+public.
+
+And if you ever happen to go to Gramble-Blamble, and visit that museum in
+the city of Tosh, look for them on the ninety-eighth table in the four
+hundred and twenty-seventh room of the right-hand corridor of the left wing
+of the central quadrangle of that magnificent building; for, if you do not,
+you certainly will not see them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+
+
+                 NONSENSE COOKERY.
+
+Extract from "The Nonsense Gazette," for August, 1870.
+
+"Our readers will be interested in the following communications from our
+valued and learned contributor, Prof. Bosh, whose labors in the fields of
+culinary and botanical science are so well known to all the world. The
+first three articles richly merit to be added to the domestic cookery of
+every family: those which follow claim the attention of all botanists; and
+we are happy to be able, through Dr. Bosh's kindness, to present our
+readers with illustrations of his discoveries. All the new flowers are
+found in the Valley of Verrikwier, near the Lake of Oddgrow, and on the
+summit of the Hill Orfeltugg."
+
+
+
+THREE RECEIPTS FOR DOMESTIC COOKERY.
+
+
+TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE.
+
+Take 4 pounds (say 4-1/2 pounds) of fresh Amblongusses, and put them in a
+small pipkin.
+
+Cover them with water, and boil them for 8 hours incessantly; after which
+add 2 pints of new milk, and proceed to boil for 4 hours more.
+
+When you have ascertained that the Amblongusses are quite soft, take them
+out, and place them in a wide pan, taking care to shake them well
+previously.
+
+Grate some nutmeg over the surface, and cover them carefully with powdered
+gingerbread, curry-powder, and a sufficient quantity of Cayenne pepper.
+
+Remove the pan into the next room, and place it on the floor. Bring it back
+again, and let it simmer for three-quarters of an hour. Shake the pan
+violently till all the Amblongusses have become of a pale purple color.
+
+Then, having prepared the paste, insert the whole carefully; adding at the
+same time a small pigeon, 2 slices of beef, 4 cauliflowers, and any number
+of oysters.
+
+Watch patiently till the crust begins to rise, and add a pinch of salt from
+time to time.
+
+Serve up in a clean dish, and throw the whole out of window as fast as
+possible.
+
+
+TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS.
+
+Procure some strips of beef, and, having cut them into the smallest
+possible slices, proceed to cut them still smaller,--eight, or perhaps
+nine times.
+
+When the whole is thus minced, brush it up hastily with a new
+clothes-brush, and stir round rapidly and capriciously with a salt-spoon
+or a soup-ladle.
+
+Place the whole in a saucepan, and remove it to a sunny place,--say the
+roof of the house, if free from sparrows or other birds,--and leave it
+there for about a week.
+
+At the end of that time add a little lavender, some oil of almonds, and a
+few herring-bones; and then cover the whole with 4 gallons of clarified
+Crumbobblious sauce, when it will be ready for use.
+
+Cut it into the shape of ordinary cutlets, and serve up in a clean
+table-cloth or dinner-napkin.
+
+
+TO MAKE GOSKY PATTIES.
+
+Take a pig three or four years of age, and tie him by the off hind-leg to a
+post. Place 5 pounds of currants, 3 of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast
+chestnuts, a candle, and 6 bushels of turnips, within his reach: if he eats
+these, constantly provide him with more.
+
+Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese, 4 quires of
+foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins. Work the whole into a paste,
+and spread it out to dry on a sheet of clean brown waterproof linen.
+
+When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed to beat the pig
+violently with the handle of a large broom. If he squeals, beat him again.
+
+Visit the paste and beat the pig alternately for some days, and ascertain
+if, at the end of that period, the whole is about to turn into Gosky
+Patties.
+
+If it does not then, it never will; and in that case the pig may be let
+loose, and the whole process may be considered as finished.
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+
+
+NONSENSE BOTANY.
+
+
+[Illustration: Baccopipia Gracilis.]
+
+[Illustration: Bottlephorkia Spoonifolia.]
+
+[Illustration: Cockatooca Superba.]
+
+[Illustration: Fishia Marina.]
+
+[Illustration: Guittara Pensilis.]
+
+[Illustration: Manypeeplia Upsidownia.]
+
+[Illustration: Phattfacia Stupenda.]
+
+[Illustration: Piggiwiggia Pyramidalis.]
+
+[Illustration: Plumbunnia Nutritiosa.]
+
+[Illustration: Pollybirdia Singularis.]
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+
+
+NONSENSE ALPHABETS.
+
+
+            A
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    A was an ant
+    Who seldom stood still,
+    And who made a nice house
+    In the side of a hill.
+
+            a!
+     Nice little ant!
+
+
+            B
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    B was a book
+    With a binding of blue,
+    And pictures and stories
+    For me and for you.
+
+            b!
+     Nice little book!
+
+
+            C
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    C was a cat
+    Who ran after a rat;
+    But his courage did fail
+    When she seized on his tail.
+
+            c!
+      Crafty old cat!
+
+
+            D
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    D was a duck
+    With spots on his back,
+    Who lived in the water,
+    And always said "Quack!"
+
+            d!
+      Dear little duck!
+
+
+            E
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    E was an elephant,
+    Stately and wise:
+    He had tusks and a trunk,
+    And two queer little eyes.
+
+            e!
+    Oh, what funny small eyes!
+
+
+            F
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+
+    F was a fish
+    Who was caught in a net;
+    But he got out again,
+    And is quite alive yet.
+
+            f!
+      Lively young fish!
+
+
+            G
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    G was a goat
+    Who was spotted with brown:
+    When he did not lie still
+    He walked up and down.
+
+            g!
+      Good little goat!
+
+
+            H
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    H was a hat
+    Which was all on one side;
+    Its crown was too high,
+    And its brim was too wide.
+
+            h!
+      Oh, what a hat!
+
+
+            I
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    I was some ice
+    So white and so nice,
+    But which nobody tasted;
+    And so it was wasted.
+
+            i!
+    All that good ice!
+
+
+            J
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+
+    J was a jackdaw
+    Who hopped up and down
+    In the principal street
+    Of a neighboring town.
+
+            j!
+     All through the town!
+
+
+            K
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    K was a kite
+    Which flew out of sight,
+    Above houses so high,
+    Quite into the sky.
+
+            k
+       Fly away, kite!
+
+
+            L
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    L was a light
+    Which burned all the night,
+    And lighted the gloom
+    Of a very dark room.
+
+            l!
+     Useful nice light!
+
+
+            M
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    M was a mill
+    Which stood on a hill,
+    And turned round and round
+    With a loud hummy sound.
+
+            m!
+      Useful old mill!
+
+
+            N
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    N was a net
+    Which was thrown in the sea
+    To catch fish for dinner
+    For you and for me.
+
+            n!
+      Nice little net!
+
+
+            O
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    O was an orange
+    So yellow and round:
+    When it fell off the tree,
+    It fell down to the ground.
+
+            o!
+    Down to the ground!
+
+
+            P
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    P was a pig,
+    Who was not very big;
+    But his tail was too curly,
+    And that made him surly.
+
+            p!
+    Cross little pig!
+
+
+            Q
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    Q was a quail
+    With a very short tail;
+    And he fed upon corn
+    In the evening and morn.
+
+            q!
+    Quaint little quail!
+
+
+            R
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    R was a rabbit,
+    Who had a bad habit
+    Of eating the flowers
+    In gardens and bowers.
+
+            r!
+     Naughty fat rabbit!
+
+
+            S
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    S was the sugar-tongs,
+    Nippity-nee,
+    To take up the sugar
+    To put in our tea.
+
+            s!
+       Nippity-nee!
+
+
+            T
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    T was a tortoise,
+    All yellow and black:
+    He walked slowly away,
+    And he never came back.
+
+            t!
+    Torty never came back!
+
+
+            U
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    U was an urn
+    All polished and bright,
+    And full of hot water
+    At noon and at night.
+
+            u!
+     Useful old urn!
+
+
+            V
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    V was a villa
+    Which stood on a hill,
+    By the side of a river,
+    And close to a mill.
+
+            v!
+    Nice little villa!
+
+
+            W
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    W was a whale
+    With a very long tail,
+    Whose movements were frantic
+    Across the Atlantic.
+
+            w!
+   Monstrous old whale!
+
+
+            X
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    X was King Xerxes,
+    Who, more than all Turks, is
+    Renowned for his fashion
+    Of fury and passion.
+
+            x!
+    Angry old Xerxes!
+
+
+            Y
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    Y was a yew,
+    Which flourished and grew
+    By a quiet abode
+    Near the side of a road.
+
+            y!
+     Dark little yew!
+
+
+            Z
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    Z was some zinc,
+    So shiny and bright,
+    Which caused you to wink
+    In the sun's merry light.
+
+            z!
+       Beautiful zinc!
+
+
+
+
+            A
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            a
+
+    A was once an apple-pie,
+        Pidy,
+        Widy,
+        Tidy,
+        Pidy,
+      Nice insidy,
+      Apple-pie!
+
+
+            B
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            b
+
+    B was once a little bear,
+        Beary,
+        Wary,
+        Hairy,
+        Beary,
+      Taky cary,
+      Little bear!
+
+
+            C
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            c
+
+    C was once a little cake,
+        Caky,
+        Baky,
+        Maky,
+        Caky,
+      Taky caky,
+      Little cake!
+
+
+            D
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            d
+
+    D was once a little doll,
+        Dolly,
+        Molly,
+        Polly,
+        Nolly,
+      Nursy dolly,
+      Little doll!
+
+
+            E
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            e
+
+    E was once a little eel,
+        Eely,
+        Weely,
+        Peely,
+        Eely,
+      Twirly, tweely,
+        Little eel!
+
+
+
+            F
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            f
+
+    F was once a little fish,
+        Fishy,
+        Wishy,
+        Squishy,
+        Fishy,
+      In a dishy,
+      Little fish!
+
+
+            G
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            g
+
+    G was once a little goose,
+        Goosy,
+        Moosy,
+        Boosey,
+        Goosey,
+      Waddly-woosy,
+      Little goose!
+
+
+            H
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            h
+
+    H was once a little hen,
+        Henny,
+        Chenny,
+        Tenny,
+        Henny.
+      Eggsy-any,
+      Little hen?
+
+
+            I
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            i
+
+    I was once a bottle of ink
+        Inky,
+        Dinky,
+        Thinky,
+        Inky,
+      Blacky minky,
+      Bottle of ink!
+
+
+            J
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            j
+
+    J was once a jar of jam,
+        Jammy,
+        Mammy,
+        Clammy,
+        Jammy,
+      Sweety, swammy,
+        Jar of jam!
+
+
+            K
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            k
+
+    K was once a little kite,
+        Kity,
+        Whity,
+        Flighty,
+        Kity,
+      Out of sighty,
+        Little kite!
+
+
+            L
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            l
+
+    L was once a little lark,
+        Larky,
+        Marky,
+        Harky,
+        Larky,
+      In the parky,
+      Little lark!
+
+
+            M
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            m
+
+    M was once a little mouse,
+        Mousy,
+        Bousy,
+        Sousy,
+        Mousy,
+      In the housy,
+      Little mouse!
+
+
+            N
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            n
+
+    N was once a little needle,
+        Needly,
+        Tweedly,
+        Threedly,
+        Needly,
+      Wisky, wheedly,
+      Little needle!
+
+
+            O
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            o
+
+    O was once a little owl,
+        Owly,
+        Prowly,
+        Howly,
+        Owly,
+      Browny fowly,
+      Little owl!
+
+
+            P
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            p
+
+    P was once a little pump,
+        Pumpy,
+        Slumpy,
+        Flumpy,
+        Pumpy,
+      Dumpy, thumpy,
+        Little pump!
+
+
+            Q
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            q
+
+    Q was once a little quail,
+        Quaily,
+        Faily,
+        Daily,
+        Quaily,
+      Stumpy-taily,
+      Little quail!
+
+
+            R
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            r
+
+    R was once a little rose,
+        Rosy,
+        Posy,
+        Nosy,
+        Rosy,
+     Blows-y, grows-y,
+       Little rose!
+
+
+            S
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            s
+
+    S was once a little shrimp,
+        Shrimpy,
+        Nimpy,
+        Flimpy,
+        Shrimpy.
+     Jumpy, jimpy,
+      Little shrimp!
+
+
+            T
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            t
+
+    T was once a little thrush,
+        Thrushy,
+        Hushy,
+        Bushy,
+        Thrushy,
+      Flitty, flushy,
+      Little thrush!
+
+
+            U
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            u
+
+    U was once a little urn,
+           Urny,
+           Burny,
+           Turny,
+           Urny,
+      Bubbly, burny,
+        Little urn!
+
+
+            V
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            v
+
+    V was once a little vine,
+        Viny,
+        Winy,
+        Twiny,
+        Viny,
+      Twisty-twiny,
+      Little vine!
+
+
+            W
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            w
+
+    W was once a whale,
+        Whaly,
+        Scaly,
+        Shaly,
+        Whaly,
+      Tumbly-taily,
+      Mighty whale!
+
+
+            X
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            x
+
+    X was once a great king Xerxes,
+          Xerxy,
+          Perxy,
+          Turxy,
+          Xerxy,
+        Linxy, lurxy,
+      Great King Xerxes!
+
+
+            Y
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            y
+
+    Y was once a little yew,
+        Yewdy,
+        Fewdy,
+        Crudy,
+        Yewdy,
+    Growdy, grewdy,
+      Little yew!
+
+
+            Z
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+            z
+
+    Z was once a piece of zinc,
+        Tinky,
+        Winky,
+        Blinky,
+        Tinky,
+      Tinkly minky,
+      Piece of zinc!
+
+
+
+
+            A
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    A was an ape,
+    Who stole some white tape,
+    And tied up his toes
+    In four beautiful bows.
+
+            a!
+
+    Funny old ape!
+
+
+            B
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    B was a bat,
+    Who slept all the day,
+    And fluttered about
+    When the sun went away.
+
+            b!
+
+    Brown little bat!
+
+
+            C
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    C was a camel:
+    You rode on his hump;
+    And if you fell off,
+    You came down such a bump!
+
+
+            c!
+
+    What a high camel!
+
+
+            D
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    D was a dove,
+    Who lived in a wood,
+    With such pretty soft wings,
+    And so gentle and good!
+
+            d!
+
+    Dear little dove!
+
+
+            E
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    E was an eagle,
+    Who sat on the rocks,
+    And looked down on the fields
+    And the-far-away flocks.
+
+            e!
+
+    Beautiful eagle!
+
+
+            F
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    F was a fan
+    Made of beautiful stuff;
+    And when it was used,
+    It went puffy-puff-puff!
+
+            f!
+
+    Nice little fan!
+
+
+            G
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    G was a gooseberry,
+    Perfectly red;
+    To be made into jam,
+    And eaten with bread.
+
+            g!
+
+    Gooseberry red!
+
+
+            H
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    H was a heron,
+    Who stood in a stream:
+    The length of his neck
+    And his legs was extreme.
+
+            h!
+
+    Long-legged heron!
+
+
+            I
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    I was an inkstand,
+    Which stood on a table,
+    With a nice pen to write with
+    When we are able.
+
+            i!
+
+    Neat little inkstand!
+
+
+            J
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    J was a jug,
+    So pretty and white,
+    With fresh water in it
+    At morning and night.
+
+            j!
+
+    Nice little jug!
+
+
+            K
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    K was a kingfisher:
+    Quickly he flew,
+    So bright and so pretty!--
+    Green, purple, and blue.
+
+            k!
+
+    Kingfisher blue!
+
+            L
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    L was a lily,
+    So white and so sweet!
+    To see it and smell it
+    Was quite a nice treat.
+
+            l!
+
+    Beautiful lily!
+
+
+            M
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    M was a man,
+    Who walked round and round;
+    And he wore a long coat
+    That came down to the ground.
+
+            m!
+
+    Funny old man!
+
+
+            N
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    N was a nut
+    So smooth and so brown!
+    And when it was ripe,
+    It fell tumble-dum-down.
+
+            n!
+
+    Nice little nut!
+
+
+            O
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    O was an oyster,
+    Who lived in his shell:
+    If you let him alone,
+    He felt perfectly well.
+
+            o!
+
+    Open-mouthed oyster!
+
+
+            P
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    P was a polly,
+    All red, blue, and green,--
+    The most beautiful polly
+    That ever was seen.
+
+            p!
+
+    Poor little polly!
+
+
+            Q
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    Q was a quill
+    Made into a pen;
+    But I do not know where,
+    And I cannot say when.
+
+            q!
+
+    Nice little quill!
+
+
+            R
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    R was a rattlesnake,
+    Rolled up so tight,
+    Those who saw him ran quickly,
+    For fear he should bite.
+
+            r!
+
+    Rattlesnake bite!
+
+
+            S
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    S was a screw
+    To screw down a box;
+    And then it was fastened
+    Without any locks.
+
+            s!
+
+    Valuable screw!
+
+
+            T
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    T was a thimble,
+    Of silver so bright!
+    When placed on the finger,
+    It fitted so tight!
+
+            t!
+
+    Nice little thimble!
+
+
+            U
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    U was an upper-coat,
+    Woolly and warm,
+    To wear over all
+    In the snow or the storm.
+
+            u!
+
+    What a nice upper-coat!
+
+
+            V
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    V was a veil
+    With a border upon it,
+    And a ribbon to tie it
+    All round a pink bonnet.
+
+            v!
+
+    Pretty green veil!
+
+
+            W
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    W was a watch,
+    Where, in letters of gold,
+    The hour of the day
+    You might always behold.
+
+            w!
+
+    Beautiful watch!
+
+
+            X
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    X was King Xerxes,
+    Who wore on his head
+    A mighty large turban,
+    Green, yellow, and red.
+
+            x!
+
+    Look at King Xerxes!
+
+
+            Y
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    Y was a yak,
+    From the land of Thibet:
+    Except his white tail,
+    He was all black as jet.
+
+            y!
+
+    Look at the yak!
+
+
+            Z
+
+     [Illustration]
+
+    Z was a zebra,
+    All striped white and black;
+    And if he were tame,
+    You might ride on his back.
+
+            z!
+
+    Pretty striped zebra!
+
+
+
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+MORE NONSENSE
+
+Pictures, Rhymes, Botany, etc.
+
+by
+
+EDWARD LEAR
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+  NONSENSE BOTANY
+
+  ONE HUNDRED NONSENSE PICTURES AND RHYMES
+
+  TWENTY-SIX NONSENSE RHYMES AND PICTURES
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+In offering this little book--the third of its kind--to the public, I am
+glad to take the opportunity of recording the pleasure I have received at
+the appreciation its predecessors have met with, as attested by their wide
+circulation, and by the universally kind notices of them from the Press. To
+have been the means of administering innocent mirth to thousands, may
+surely be a just motive for satisfaction, and an excuse for grateful
+expression.
+
+At the same time, I am desirous of adding a few words as to the history of
+the two previously published volumes, and more particularly of the first or
+original "Book of Nonsense," relating to which many absurd reports have
+crept into circulation, such as that it was the composition of the late
+Lord Brougham, the late Earl of Derby, etc.; that the rhymes and pictures
+are by different persons; or that the whole have a symbolical meaning,
+etc.; whereas, every one of the Rhymes was composed by myself, and every
+one of the Illustrations drawn by my own hand at the time the verses were
+made. Moreover, in no portion of these Nonsense drawings have I ever
+allowed any caricature of private or public persons to appear, and
+throughout, more care than might be supposed has been given to make the
+subjects incapable of misinterpretation: "Nonsense," pure and absolute,
+having been my aim throughout.
+
+As for the persistently absurd report of the late Earl of Derby being the
+author of the "First Book of Nonsense," I may relate an incident which
+occurred to me four summers ago, the first that gave me any insight into
+the origin of the rumor.
+
+I was on my way from London to Guildford, in a railway carriage,
+containing, besides myself, one passenger, an elderly gentleman: presently,
+however, two ladies entered, accompanied by two little boys. These, who had
+just had a copy of the "Book of Nonsense" given them, were loud in their
+delight, and by degrees infected the whole party with their mirth.
+
+"How grateful," said the old gentleman to the two ladies, "all children,
+and parents too, ought to be to the statesman who has given his time to
+composing that charming book!"
+
+(The ladies looked puzzled, as indeed was I, the author.)
+
+"Do you not know who is the writer of it?" asked the gentleman.
+
+"The name is 'Edward Lear,'" said one of the ladies.
+
+"Ah!" said the first speaker, "so it is printed; but that is only a whim of
+the real author, the Earl of Derby. 'Edward' is his Christian name, and, as
+you may see, LEAR is only EARL transposed."
+
+"But," said the lady, doubtingly, "here is a dedication to the
+great-grandchildren, grand-nephews, and grand-nieces of Edward, thirteenth
+Earl of Derby, by the author, Edward Lear."
+
+"That," replied the other, "is simply a piece of mystification; I am in a
+position to know that the whole book was composed and illustrated by Lord
+Derby himself. In fact, there is no such a person at all as Edward Lear."
+
+"Yet," said the other lady, "some friends of mine tell me they know Mr.
+Lear."
+
+"Quite a mistake! completely a mistake!" said the old gentleman, becoming
+rather angry at the contradiction; "I am well aware of what I am saying: I
+can inform you, no such a person as 'Edward Lear' exists!"
+
+Hitherto I had kept silence; but as my hat was, as well as my handkerchief
+and stick, largely marked inside with my name, and as I happened to have in
+my pocket several letters addressed to me, the temptation was too great to
+resist; so, flashing all these articles at once on my would-be
+extinguisher's attention, I speedily reduced him to silence.
+
+The second volume of Nonsense, commencing with the verses, "The Owl and the
+Pussy-Cat," was written at different times, and for different sets of
+children: the whole being collected in the course of last year, were then
+illustrated, and published in a single volume, by Mr. R.J. Bush, of 32
+Charing Cross.
+
+The contents of the third or present volume were made also at different
+intervals in the last two years.
+
+Long years ago, in days when much of my time was passed in a country house,
+where children and mirth abounded, the lines beginning, "There was an old
+man of Tobago," were suggested to me by a valued friend, as a form of verse
+lending itself to limitless variety for rhymes and pictures; and
+thenceforth the greater part of the original drawings and verses for the
+first "Book of Nonsense" were struck off with a pen, no assistance ever
+having been given me in any way but that of uproarious delight and welcome
+at the appearance of every new absurdity.
+
+Most of these Drawings and Rhymes were transferred to lithographic stones
+in the year 1846, and were then first published by Mr. Thomas McLean, of
+the Haymarket. But that edition having been soon exhausted, and the call
+for the "Book of Nonsense" continuing, I added a considerable number of
+subjects to those previously-published, and having caused the whole to be
+carefully reproduced in woodcuts by Messrs. Dalzell, I disposed of the
+copyright to Messrs. Routledge and Warne, by whom the volume was published
+in 1843.
+                                                              EDWARD LEAR.
+
+VILLA EMILY, SAN REMO,
+August, 1871.
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+
+
+NONSENSE BOTANY.
+
+
+[Illustration: Barkia Howlaloudia.]
+
+[Illustration: Enkoopia Chickabiddia.]
+
+[Illustration: Jinglia Tinkettlia.]
+
+[Illustration: Nasticreechia Krorluppia.]
+
+[Illustration: Arthbroomia Rigida.]
+
+[Illustration: Sophtsluggia Glutinosa.]
+
+[Illustration: Minspysia Deliciosa.]
+
+[Illustration: Shoebootia Utilis.]
+
+[Illustration: Stunnia Dinnerbellia.]
+
+[Illustration: Tickia Orologica.]
+
+[Illustration: Washtubbia Circularis.]
+
+[Illustration: Tigerlillia Terribilis.]
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+
+
+ONE HUNDRED NONSENSE PICTURES AND RHYMES.
+
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young person of Bantry,
+    Who frequently slept in the pantry;
+    When disturbed by the mice, she appeased them with rice,
+    That judicious young person of Bantry.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an Old Man at a Junction,
+    Whose feelings were wrung with compunction
+    When they said, "The Train's gone!" he exclaimed, "How forlorn!"
+    But remained on the rails of the Junction.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Minety,
+    Who purchased five hundred and ninety
+    Large apples and pears, which he threw unawares
+    At the heads of the people of Minety.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Thermopylae,
+    Who never did anything properly;
+    But they said, "If you choose to boil eggs in your shoes,
+    You shall never remain in Thermopylae."
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Deal,
+    Who in walking used only his heel;
+    When they said, "Tell us why?" he made no reply,
+    That mysterious old person of Deal.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man on the Humber,
+    Who dined on a cake of Burnt Umber;
+    When he said, "It's enough!" they only said, "Stuff!
+    You amazing old man on the Humber!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man in a barge,
+    Whose nose was exceedingly large;
+    But in fishing by night, it supported a light,
+    Which helped that old man in a barge.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Dunrose;
+    A parrot seized hold of his nose.
+    When he grew melancholy, they said, "His name's Polly,"
+    Which soothed that old man of Dunrose.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Toulouse
+    Who purchased a new pair of shoes;
+    When they asked, "Are they pleasant?" he said, "Not at present!"
+    That turbid old man of Toulouse.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Bree,
+    Who frequented the depths of the sea;
+    She nurs'd the small fishes, and washed all the dishes,
+    And swam back again into Bree.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Bromley,
+    Whose ways were not cheerful or comely;
+    He sate in the dust, eating spiders and crust,
+    That unpleasing old person of Bromley.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Shields,
+    Who frequented the vallies and fields;
+    All the mice and the cats, and the snakes and the rats,
+    Followed after that person of Shields.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Dunluce,
+    Who went out to sea on a goose:
+    When he'd gone out a mile, he observ'd with a smile,
+    "It is time to return to Dunluce."
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Dee-side
+    Whose hat was exceedingly wide,
+    But he said, "Do not fail, if it happen to hail,
+    To come under my hat at Dee-side!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person in black,
+    A Grasshopper jumped on his back;
+    When it chirped in his ear, he was smitten with fear,
+    That helpless old person in black.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of the Dargle
+    Who purchased six barrels of Gargle;
+    For he said, "I'll sit still, and will roll them down hill,
+    For the fish in the depths of the Dargle."
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Pinner,
+    As thin as a lath, if not thinner;
+    They dressed him in white, and roll'd him up tight,
+    That elastic old person of Pinner.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of China,
+    Whose daughters were Jiska and Dinah,
+    Amelia and Fluffy, Olivia and Chuffy,
+    And all of them settled in China.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man in a Marsh,
+    Whose manners were futile and harsh;
+    He sate on a log, and sang songs to a frog,
+    That instructive old man in a Marsh.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Brill,
+    Who purchased a shirt with a frill;
+    But they said, "Don't you wish, you mayn't look like a fish,
+    You obsequious old person of Brill?"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Wick,
+    Who said, "Tick-a-Tick, Tick-a-Tick;
+    Chickabee, Chickabaw." And he said nothing more,
+    That laconic old person of Wick.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man at a Station,
+    Who made a promiscuous oration;
+    But they said, "Take some snuff!--You have talk'd quite enough,
+    You afflicting old man at a Station!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Three Bridges,
+    Whose mind was distracted by midges,
+    He sate on a wheel, eating underdone veal,
+    Which relieved that old man of Three Bridges.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Hong Kong,
+    Who never did anything wrong;
+    He lay on his back, with his head in a sack,
+    That innocuous old man of Hong Kong.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young person in green,
+    Who seldom was fit to be seen;
+    She wore a long shawl, over bonnet and all,
+    Which enveloped that person in green.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Fife,
+    Who was greatly disgusted with life;
+    They sang him a ballad, and fed him on salad,
+    Which cured that old person of Fife.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man who screamed out
+    Whenever they knocked him about:
+    So they took off his boots, and fed him with fruits,
+    And continued to knock him about.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young lady in white,
+    Who looked out at the depths of the night;
+    But the birds of the air, filled her heart with despair,
+    And oppressed that young lady in white.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Slough,
+    Who danced at the end of a bough;
+    But they said, "If you sneeze, you might damage the trees,
+    You imprudent old person of Slough."
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Down,
+    Whose face was adorned with a frown;
+    When he opened the door, for one minute or more,
+    He alarmed all the people of Down.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young person in red,
+    Who carefully covered her head,
+    With a bonnet of leather, and three lines of feather,
+    Besides some long ribands of red.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Hove,
+    Who frequented the depths of a grove;
+    Where he studied his books, with the wrens and the rooks,
+    That tranquil old person of Hove.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young person in pink,
+    Who called out for something to drink;
+    But they said, "O my daughter, there's nothing but water!"
+    Which vexed that young person in pink.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old lady of France,
+    Who taught little ducklings to dance;
+    When she said, "Tick-a-tack!" they only said, "Quack!"
+    Which grieved that old lady of France.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Putney,
+    Whose food was roast spiders and chutney,
+    Which he took with his tea, within sight of the sea,
+    That romantic old person of Putney.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Loo,
+    Who said, "What on earth shall I do?"
+    When they said, "Go away!" she continued to stay,
+    That vexatious old person of Loo.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Woking,
+    Whose mind was perverse and provoking;
+    He sate on a rail, with his head in a pail,
+    That illusive old person of Woking.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Dean
+    Who dined on one pea, and one bean;
+    For he said, "More than that, would make me too fat,"
+    That cautious old person of Dean.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young lady in blue,
+    Who said, "Is it you? Is it you?"
+    When they said, "Yes, it is," she replied only, "Whizz!"
+    That ungracious young lady in blue.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old Man in a Garden,
+    Who always begged every one's pardon;
+    When they asked him, "What for?" he replied, "You're a bore!
+    And I trust you'll go out of my garden."
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Pisa,
+    Whose daughters did nothing to please her;
+    She dressed them in gray, and banged them all day,
+    Round the walls of the city of Pisa.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Florence,
+    Who held mutton chops in abhorrence;
+    He purchased a Bustard, and fried him in Mustard,
+    Which choked that old person of Florence.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Sheen,
+    Whose expression was calm and serene;
+    He sate in the water, and drank bottled porter,
+    That placid old person of Sheen.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Ware,
+    Who rode on the back of a bear;
+    When they ask'd, "Does it trot?" he said, "Certainly not!
+    He's a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young person of Janina,
+    Whose uncle was always a fanning her;
+    When he fanned off her head, she smiled sweetly, and said,
+    "You propitious old person of Janina!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Cashmere,
+    Whose movements were scroobious and queer;
+    Being slender and tall, he looked over a wall,
+    And perceived two fat ducks of Cashmere.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Cassel,
+    Whose nose finished off in a tassel;
+    But they call'd out, "Oh well! don't it look like a bell!"
+    Which perplexed that old person of Cassel.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Pett,
+    Who was partly consumed by regret;
+    He sate in a cart, and ate cold apple tart,
+    Which relieved that old person of Pett.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Spithead,
+    Who opened the window, and said,--
+    "Fil-jomble, fil-jumble, fil-rumble-come-tumble!"
+    That doubtful old man of Spithead.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man on the Border,
+    Who lived in the utmost disorder;
+    He danced with the cat, and made tea in his hat,
+    Which vexed all the folks on the Border.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Dumbree,
+    Who taught little owls to drink tea;
+    For he said, "To eat mice is not proper or nice,"
+    That amiable man of Dumbree.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Filey,
+    Of whom his acquaintance spoke highly;
+    He danced perfectly well, to the sound of a bell,
+    And delighted the people of Filey.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man whose remorse
+    Induced him to drink Caper Sauce;
+    For they said, "If mixed up with some cold claret-cup,
+    It will certainly soothe your remorse!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Ibreem,
+    Who suddenly threaten'd to scream;
+    But they said, "If you do, we will thump you quite blue,
+    You disgusting old man of Ibreem!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Wilts,
+    Who constantly walked upon stilts;
+    He wreathed them with lilies and daffy-down-dillies,
+    That elegant person of Wilts.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Grange,
+    Whose manners were scroobious and strange;
+    He sailed to St. Blubb in a waterproof tub,
+    That aquatic old person of Grange.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Newry,
+    Whose manners were tinctured with fury;
+    He tore all the rugs, and broke all the jugs,
+    Within twenty miles' distance of Newry.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Dumblane,
+    Who greatly resembled a crane;
+    But they said, "Is it wrong, since your legs are so long,
+    To request you won't stay in Dumblane?"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Port Grigor,
+    Whose actions were noted for vigour;
+    He stood on his head till his waistcoat turned red,
+    That eclectic old man of Port Grigor.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of El Hums,
+    Who lived upon nothing but crumbs,
+    Which he picked off the ground, with the other birds round,
+    In the roads and the lanes of El Hums.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of West Dumpet,
+    Who possessed a large nose like a trumpet;
+    When he blew it aloud, it astonished the crowd,
+    And was heard through the whole of West Dumpet.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Sark,
+    Who made an unpleasant remark;
+    But they said, "Don't you see what a brute you must be,
+    You obnoxious old person of Sark!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man whose despair
+    Induced him to purchase a hare:
+    Whereon one fine day he rode wholly away,
+    Which partly assuaged his despair.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Barnes,
+    Whose garments were covered with darns;
+    But they said, "Without doubt, you will soon wear them out,
+    You luminous person of Barnes!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Nice,
+    Whose associates were usually Geese.
+    They walked out together in all sorts of weather,
+    That affable person of Nice!
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young lady of Greenwich,
+    Whose garments were border'd with Spinach;
+    But a large spotty Calf bit her shawl quite in half,
+    Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Cannes,
+    Who purchased three fowls and a fan;
+    Those she placed on a stool, and to make them feel cool
+    She constantly fanned them at Cannes.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Ickley,
+    Who could not abide to ride quickly;
+    He rode to Karnak on a tortoise's back,
+    That moony old person of Ickley.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Hyde,
+    Who walked by the shore with his bride,
+    Till a Crab who came near fill'd their bosoms with fear,
+    And they said, "Would we'd never left Hyde!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person in gray,
+    Whose feelings were tinged with dismay;
+    She purchased two parrots, and fed them with carrots,
+    Which pleased that old person in gray.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Ancona,
+    Who found a small dog with no owner,
+    Which he took up and down all the streets of the town,
+    That anxious old man of Ancona.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Sestri,
+    Who sate himself down in the vestry;
+    When they said, "You are wrong!" he merely said "Bong!"
+    That repulsive old person of Sestri.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Blythe,
+    Who cut up his meat with a scythe;
+    When they said, "Well! I never!" he cried, "Scythes for ever!"
+    That lively old person of Blythe.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young person of Ayr,
+    Whose head was remarkably square:
+    On the top, in fine weather, she wore a gold feather;
+    Which dazzled the people of Ayr.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Rimini,
+    Who said, "Gracious! Goodness! O Gimini!"
+    When they said, "Please be still!" she ran down a hill,
+    And was never more heard of at Rimini.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There is a young lady, whose nose,
+    Continually prospers and grows;
+    When it grew out of sight, she exclaimed in a fright,
+    "Oh! Farewell to the end of my nose!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Ealing,
+    Who was wholly devoid of good feeling;
+    He drove a small gig, with three Owls and a Pig,
+    Which distressed all the people of Ealing.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Thames Ditton,
+    Who called out for something to sit on;
+    But they brought him a hat, and said, "Sit upon that,
+    You abruptious old man of Thames Ditton!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Bray,
+    Who sang through the whole of the day
+    To his ducks and his pigs, whom he fed upon figs,
+    That valuable person of Bray.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young person whose history
+    Was always considered a mystery;
+    She sate in a ditch, although no one knew which,
+    And composed a small treatise on history.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Bow,
+    Whom nobody happened to know;
+    So they gave him some soap, and said coldly, "We hope
+    You will go back directly to Bow!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Rye,
+    Who went up to town on a fly;
+    But they said, "If you cough, you are safe to fall off!
+    You abstemious old person of Rye!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Crowle,
+    Who lived in the nest of an owl;
+    When they screamed in the nest, he screamed out with the rest,
+    That depressing old person of Crowle.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old Lady of Winchelsea,
+    Who said, "If you needle or pin shall see
+    On the floor of my room, sweep it up with the broom!"
+    That exhaustive old Lady of Winchelsea!
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man in a tree,
+    Whose whiskers were lovely to see;
+    But the birds of the air pluck'd them perfectly bare,
+    To make themselves nests in that tree.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young lady of Corsica,
+    Who purchased a little brown saucy-cur;
+    Which she fed upon ham, and hot raspberry jam,
+    That expensive young lady of Corsica.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young lady of Firle,
+    Whose hair was addicted to curl;
+    It curled up a tree, and all over the sea,
+    That expansive young lady of Firle.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Stroud,
+    Who was horribly jammed in a crowd;
+    Some she slew with a kick, some she scrunched with a stick,
+    That impulsive old person of Stroud.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Boulak,
+    Who sate on a Crocodile's back;
+    But they said, "Towr'ds the night he may probably bite,
+    Which might vex you, old man of Boulak!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Skye,
+    Who waltz'd with a Bluebottle fly:
+    They buzz'd a sweet tune, to the light of the moon,
+    And entranced all the people of Skye.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Blackheath,
+    Whose head was adorned with a wreath
+    Of lobsters and spice, pickled onions and mice,
+    That uncommon old man of Blackheath.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man, who when little
+    Fell casually into a kettle;
+    But, growing too stout, he could never get out,
+    So he passed all his life in that kettle.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Dundalk,
+    Who tried to teach fishes to walk;
+    When they tumbled down dead, he grew weary, and said,
+    "I had better go back to Dundalk!"
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Shoreham,
+    Whose habits were marked by decorum;
+    He bought an Umbrella, and sate in the cellar,
+    Which pleased all the people of Shoreham.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Bar,
+    Who passed all her life in a jar,
+    Which she painted pea-green, to appear more serene,
+    That placid old person of Bar.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was a young person of Kew,
+    Whose virtues and vices were few;
+    But with blamable haste she devoured some hot paste,
+    Which destroyed that young person of Kew.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Jodd,
+    Whose ways were perplexing and odd;
+    She purchased a whistle, and sate on a thistle,
+    And squeaked to the people of Jodd.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Bude,
+    Whose deportment was vicious and crude;
+    He wore a large ruff of pale straw-colored stuff,
+    Which perplexed all the people of Bude.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old person of Brigg,
+    Who purchased no end of a wig;
+    So that only his nose, and the end of his toes,
+    Could be seen when he walked about Brigg.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    There was an old man of Messina,
+    Whose daughter was named Opsibeena;
+    She wore a small wig, and rode out on a pig,
+    To the perfect delight of Messina.
+
+
+
+
+TWENTY-SIX NONSENSE RHYMES AND PICTURES.
+
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Absolutely Abstemious Ass,
+    who resided in a Barrel, and only lived on
+    Soda Water and Pickled Cucumbers.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Bountiful Beetle,
+    who always carried a Green Umbrella when it didn't rain,
+    and left it at home when it did.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Comfortable Confidential Cow,
+    who sate in her Red Morocco Arm Chair and
+    toasted her own Bread at the parlour Fire.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Dolomphious Duck,
+    who caught Spotted Frogs for her dinner
+    with a Runcible Spoon.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Enthusiastic Elephant,
+    who ferried himself across the water with the
+    Kitchen Poker and a New pair of Ear-rings.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Fizzgiggious Fish,
+    who always walked about upon Stilts,
+    because he had no legs.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Good-natured Grey Gull,
+    who carried the Old Owl, and his Crimson Carpet-bag,
+    across the river, because he could not swim.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Hasty Higgeldipiggledy Hen,
+    who went to market in a Blue Bonnet and Shawl,
+    and bought a Fish for her Supper.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Inventive Indian,
+    who caught a Remarkable Rabbit in a
+    Stupendous Silver Spoon.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Judicious Jubilant Jay,
+    who did up her Back Hair every morning with a Wreath of Roses,
+    Three feathers, and a Gold Pin.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Kicking Kangaroo,
+    who wore a Pale Pink Muslin dress
+    with Blue spots.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Lively Learned Lobster,
+    who mended his own Clothes with
+    a Needle and Thread.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Melodious Meritorious Mouse,
+    who played a merry minuet on the
+    Piano-forte.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Nutritious Newt,
+    who purchased a Round Plum-pudding
+    for his grand-daughter.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Obsequious Ornamental Ostrich,
+    who wore Boots to keep his
+    feet quite dry.
+
+    [Illustration: PARSNIP PIE]
+
+    The Perpendicular Purple Polly,
+    who read the Newspaper and ate Parsnip Pie
+    with his Spectacles.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Queer Querulous Quail,
+    who smoked a Pipe of tobacco on the top of
+    a Tin Tea-kettle.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Rural Runcible Raven,
+    who wore a White Wig and flew away
+    with the Carpet Broom.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Scroobious Snake,
+    who always wore a Hat on his Head, for
+    fear he should bite anybody.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Tumultuous Tom-tommy Tortoise,
+    who beat a Drum all day long in the
+    middle of the wilderness.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Umbrageous Umbrella-maker,
+    whose Face nobody ever saw, because it was
+    always covered by his Umbrella.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Visibly Vicious Vulture,
+    who wrote some Verses to a Veal-cutlet in a
+    Volume bound in Vellum.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Worrying Whizzing Wasp,
+    who stood on a Table, and played sweetly on a
+    Flute with a Morning Cap.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Excellent Double-extra XX
+    imbibing King Xerxes, who lived a
+    long while ago.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
+    whose Head was ever so much bigger than his
+    Body, and whose Hat was rather small.
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    The Zigzag Zealous Zebra,
+    who carried five Monkeys on his back all
+    the way to Jellibolee.
+
+
+
+
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+LAUGHABLE LYRICS
+
+A Fourth Book of Nonsense Poems, Songs, Botany, Music, etc.
+
+by
+
+EDWARD LEAR
+
+Author of the _Book of Nonsense_, _More Nonsense_,
+_Nonsense Songs, Stories_, etc., etc.
+
+
+With All the Original Illustrations.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+    LAUGHABLE LYRICS.
+        THE DONG WITH A LUMINOUS NOSE
+        THE TWO OLD BACHELORS
+        THE PELICAN CHORUS
+        THE YONGHY-BONGHY-Bo
+        THE POBBLE WHO HAS NO TOES
+        THE NEW VESTMENTS
+        MR. AND MRS. DISCOBBOLOS
+        THE QUANGLE WANGLE'S HAT
+        THE CUMMERBUND
+        THE AKOND OF SWAT
+
+    NONSENSE BOTANY
+
+      " ALPHABET, No. 5
+      "       "   No. 6
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+
+
+LAUGHABLE LYRICS.
+
+
+THE DONG WITH A LUMINOUS NOSE.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    When awful darkness and silence reign
+    Over the great Gromboolian plain,
+        Through the long, long wintry nights;
+    When the angry breakers roar
+    As they beat on the rocky shore;
+        When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heights
+    Of the Hills of the Chankly Bore,--
+
+    Then, through the vast and gloomy dark
+    There moves what seems a fiery spark,--
+        A lonely spark with silvery rays
+        Piercing the coal-black night,--
+        A Meteor strange and bright:
+    Hither and thither the vision strays,
+        A single lurid light.
+
+    Slowly it wanders, pauses, creeps,--
+    Anon it sparkles, flashes, and leaps;
+    And ever as onward it gleaming goes
+    A light on the Bong-tree stems it throws.
+    And those who watch at that midnight hour
+    From Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower,
+    Cry, as the wild light passes along,--
+       "The Dong! the Dong!
+      The wandering Dong through the forest goes!
+        The Dong! the Dong!
+      The Dong with a luminous Nose!"
+
+        Long years ago
+      The Dong was happy and gay,
+    Till he fell in love with a Jumbly Girl
+      Who came to those shores one day.
+    For the Jumblies came in a sieve, they did,--
+    Landing at eve near the Zemmery Fidd
+        Where the Oblong Oysters grow,
+      And the rocks are smooth and gray.
+    And all the woods and the valleys rang
+    With the Chorus they daily and nightly sang,--
+        "_Far and few, far and few,
+          Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
+          Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
+          And they went to sea in a sieve._"
+
+    Happily, happily passed those days!
+      While the cheerful Jumblies staid;
+        They danced in circlets all night long,
+        To the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong,
+      In moonlight, shine, or shade.
+    For day and night he was always there
+    By the side of the Jumbly Girl so fair,
+    With her sky-blue hands and her sea-green hair;
+    Till the morning came of that hateful day
+    When the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away,
+    And the Dong was left on the cruel shore
+    Gazing, gazing for evermore,--
+    Ever keeping his weary eyes on
+    That pea-green sail on the far horizon,--
+    Singing the Jumbly Chorus still
+    As he sate all day on the grassy hill,--
+        "_Far and few, far and few,
+          Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
+          Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
+          And they went to sea in a sieve_."
+
+    But when the sun was low in the West,
+        The Dong arose and said,--
+    "What little sense I once possessed
+        Has quite gone out of my head!"
+    And since that day he wanders still
+    By lake and forest, marsh and hill,
+    Singing, "O somewhere, in valley or plain,
+    Might I find my Jumbly Girl again!
+    For ever I'll seek by lake and shore
+    Till I find my Jumbly Girl once more!"
+
+        Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks,
+        Since then his Jumbly Girl he seeks;
+        And because by night he could not see,
+        He gathered the bark of the Twangum Tree
+          On the flowery plain that grows.
+          And he wove him a wondrous Nose,--
+        A Nose as strange as a Nose could be!
+
+    Of vast proportions and painted red,
+    And tied with cords to the back of his head.
+        In a hollow rounded space it ended
+        With a luminous Lamp within suspended,
+            All fenced about
+            With a bandage stout
+            To prevent the wind from blowing it out;
+        And with holes all round to send the light
+        In gleaming rays on the dismal night
+
+    And now each night, and all night long,
+    Over those plains still roams the Dong;
+    And above the wail of the Chimp and Snipe
+    You may hear the squeak of his plaintive pipe,
+    While ever he seeks, but seeks in vain,
+    To meet with his Jumbly Girl again;
+    Lonely and wild, all night he goes,--
+    The Dong with a luminous Nose!
+    And all who watch at the midnight hour,
+    From Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower,
+    Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright,
+    Moving along through the dreary night,--
+       "This is the hour when forth he goes,
+        The Dong with a luminous Nose!
+        Yonder, over the plain he goes,--
+            He goes!
+            He goes,--
+        The Dong with a luminous Nose!"
+
+
+
+
+THE TWO OLD BACHELORS.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Two old Bachelors were living in one house;
+One caught a Muffin, the other caught a Mouse.
+Said he who caught the Muffin to him who caught the Mouse,--
+"This happens just in time! For we've nothing in the house,
+Save a tiny slice of lemon and a teaspoonful of honey,
+And what to do for dinner--since we haven't any money?
+And what can we expect if we haven't any dinner,
+But to lose our teeth and eyelashes and keep on growing thinner?"
+
+Said he who caught the Mouse to him who caught the Muffin,--
+"We might cook this little Mouse, if we only had some Stuffin'!
+If we had but Sage and Onion we could do extremely well;
+But how to get that Stuffin' it is difficult to tell!"
+
+Those two old Bachelors ran quickly to the town
+And asked for Sage and Onion as they wandered up and down;
+They borrowed two large Onions, but no Sage was to be found
+In the Shops, or in the Market, or in all the Gardens round.
+
+But some one said, "A hill there is, a little to the north,
+And to its purpledicular top a narrow way leads forth;
+And there among the rugged rocks abides an ancient Sage,--
+An earnest Man, who reads all day a most perplexing page.
+Climb up, and seize him by the toes,--all studious as he sits,--
+And pull him down, and chop him into endless little bits!
+Then mix him with your Onion (cut up likewise into Scraps),--
+When your Stuffin' will be ready, and very good--perhaps."
+
+Those two old Bachelors without loss of time
+The nearly purpledicular crags at once began to climb;
+And at the top, among the rocks, all seated in a nook,
+They saw that Sage a-reading of a most enormous book.
+
+"You earnest Sage!" aloud they cried, "your book you've read enough in!
+We wish to chop you into bits to mix you into Stuffin'!"
+
+But that old Sage looked calmly up, and with his awful book,
+At those two Bachelors' bald heads a certain aim he took;
+And over Crag and precipice they rolled promiscuous down,--
+At once they rolled, and never stopped in lane or field or town;
+And when they reached their house, they found (besides their want
+                                                          of Stuffin'),
+The Mouse had fled--and, previously, had eaten up the Muffin.
+
+They left their home in silence by the once convivial door;
+And from that hour those Bachelors were never heard of more.
+
+
+[Illustration: Sheet Music--The Pelicans]
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+THE PELICAN CHORUS.
+
+    King and Queen of the Pelicans we;
+     No other Birds so grand we see!
+    None but we have feet like fins!
+    With lovely leathery throats and chins!
+        Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!
+        We think no Birds so happy as we!
+        Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican Jill!
+        We think so then, and we thought so still
+
+    We live on the Nile. The Nile we love.
+    By night we sleep on the cliffs above;
+    By day we fish, and at eve we stand
+    On long bare islands of yellow sand.
+    And when the sun sinks slowly down,
+    And the great rock walls grow dark and brown,
+
+    Where the purple river rolls fast and dim
+    And the Ivory Ibis starlike skim,
+    Wing to wing we dance around,
+    Stamping our feet with a flumpy sound,
+    Opening our mouths as Pelicans ought;
+    And this is the song we nightly snort,--
+        Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!
+        We think no Birds so happy as we!
+        Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill!
+        We think so then, and we thought so still!
+
+    Last year came out our Daughter Dell,
+    And all the Birds received her well.
+    To do her honor a feast we made
+    For every bird that can swim or wade,--
+    Herons and Gulls, and Cormorants black,
+    Cranes, and Flamingoes with scarlet back,
+    Plovers and Storks, and Geese in clouds,
+    Swans and Dilberry Ducks in crowds:
+    Thousands of Birds in wondrous flight!
+    They ate and drank and danced all night,
+    And echoing back from the rocks you heard
+    Multitude-echoes from Bird and Bird,--
+        Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!
+        We think no Birds so happy as we!
+        Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill!
+        We think so then, and we thought so still!
+
+    Yes, they came; and among the rest
+    The King of the Cranes all grandly dressed.
+    Such a lovely tail! Its feathers float
+    Between the ends of his blue dress-coat;
+    With pea-green trowsers all so neat,
+    And a delicate frill to hide his feet
+    (For though no one speaks of it, every one knows
+    He has got no webs between his toes).
+
+    As soon as he saw our Daughter Dell,
+    In violent love that Crane King fell,--
+    On seeing her waddling form so fair,
+    With a wreath of shrimps in her short white hair.
+    And before the end of the next long day
+    Our Dell had given her heart away;
+    For the King of the Cranes had won that heart
+    With a Crocodile's egg and a large fish-tart.
+    She vowed to marry the King of the Cranes,
+    Leaving the Nile for stranger plains;
+    And away they flew in a gathering crowd
+    Of endless birds in a lengthening cloud.
+        Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!
+        We think no Birds so happy as we!
+        Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill!
+        We think so then, and we thought so still!
+
+    And far away in the twilight sky
+    We heard them singing a lessening cry,--
+    Farther and farther, till out of sight,
+    And we stood alone in the silent night!
+    Often since, in the nights of June,
+    We sit on the sand and watch the moon,--
+
+    She has gone to the great Gromboolian Plain,
+    And we probably never shall meet again!
+    Oft, in the long still nights of June,
+    We sit on the rocks and watch the moon,--
+    She dwells by the streams of the Chankly Bore.
+    And we probably never shall see her more.
+        Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!
+        We think no Birds so happy as we!
+        Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill!
+        We think so then, and we thought so still!
+
+[NOTE.--The Air of this and the following Song by Edward Lear; the
+Arrangement for the Piano by Professor Pome, of San Remo, Italy.]
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Sheet Music--The Yonghy Bonghy Bo]
+
+
+
+THE COURTSHIP OF THE YONGHY-BONGHY-BO.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                    I.
+
+    On the Coast of Coromandel
+        Where the early pumpkins blow,
+          In the middle of the woods
+      Lived the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+    Two old chairs, and half a candle,
+    One old jug without a handle,--
+          These were all his worldly goods:
+          In the middle of the woods,
+          These were all the worldly goods
+      Of the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
+      Of the Yonghy-Bonghy Bo.
+
+
+                    II.
+
+    Once, among the Bong-trees walking
+        Where the early pumpkins blow,
+          To a little heap of stones
+      Came the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+    There he heard a Lady talking,
+    To some milk-white Hens of Dorking,--
+        "'Tis the Lady Jingly Jones!
+          On that little heap of stones
+          Sits the Lady Jingly Jones!"
+      Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
+      Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+
+
+                    III.
+
+   "Lady Jingly! Lady Jingly!
+         Sitting where the pumpkins blow,
+           Will you come and be my wife?"
+       Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+   "I am tired of living singly--
+    On this coast so wild and shingly,--
+          I'm a-weary of my life;
+          If you'll come and be my wife,
+          Quite serene would be my life!"
+      Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
+      Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+
+
+                    IV.
+
+    "On this Coast of Coromandel
+         Shrimps and watercresses grow,
+           Prawns are plentiful and cheap,"
+       Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+   "You shall have my chairs and candle,
+    And my jug without a handle!
+          Gaze upon the rolling deep
+         (Fish is plentiful and cheap);
+          As the sea, my love is deep!"
+      Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
+      Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+
+
+                    V.
+
+    Lady Jingly answered sadly,
+         And her tears began to flow,--
+          "Your proposal comes too late,
+       Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo!
+    I would be your wife most gladly!"
+    (Here she twirled her fingers madly,)
+         "But in England I've a mate!
+          Yes! you've asked me far too late,
+          For in England I've a mate,
+      Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo!
+      Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo!
+
+
+                    VI.
+
+   "Mr. Jones (his name is Handel,--
+         Handel Jones, Esquire, & Co.)
+           Dorking fowls delights to send,
+       Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo!
+    Keep, oh, keep your chairs and candle,
+    And your jug without a handle,--
+          I can merely be your friend!
+          Should my Jones more Dorkings send,
+          I will give you three, my friend!
+      Mr. Yonghy-Bongy-Bo!
+      Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo!
+
+
+                    VII.
+
+   "Though you've such a tiny body,
+         And your head so large doth grow,--
+           Though your hat may blow away,
+       Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo!
+    Though you're such a Hoddy Doddy,
+    Yet I wish that I could modi-
+          fy the words I needs must say!
+          Will you please to go away?
+          That is all I have to say,
+      Mr. Yongby-Bonghy-Bo!
+      Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo!"
+
+
+                    VIII.
+
+    Down the slippery slopes of Myrtle,
+        Where the early pumpkins blow,
+          To the calm and silent sea
+       Fled the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+    There, beyond the Bay of Gurtle,
+    Lay a large and lively Turtle.
+         "You're the Cove," he said, "for me;
+          On your back beyond the sea,
+          Turtle, you shall carry me!"
+      Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
+      Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+
+              [Illustration]
+
+
+                    IX.
+
+    Through the silent-roaring ocean
+        Did the Turtle swiftly go;
+          Holding fast upon his shell
+      Rode the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+    With a sad primaeval motion
+    Towards the sunset isles of Boshen
+          Still the Turtle bore him well.
+          Holding fast upon his shell,
+         "Lady Jingly Jones, farewell!"
+      Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
+      Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+
+
+                    X.
+
+    From the Coast of Coromandel
+        Did that Lady never go;
+          On that heap of stones she mourns
+      For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+    On that Coast of Coromandel,
+    In his jug without a handle
+        Still she weeps, and daily moans;
+        On that little heap of stones
+        To her Dorking Hens she moans,
+          For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
+          For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
+
+
+
+
+THE POBBLE WHO HAS NO TOES.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                    I.
+
+    The Pobble who has no toes
+        Had once as many as we;
+    When they said, "Some day you may lose them all;"
+        He replied, "Fish fiddle de-dee!"
+    And his Aunt Jobiska made him drink
+    Lavender water tinged with pink;
+    For she said, "The World in general knows
+    There's nothing so good for a Pobble's toes!"
+
+
+                    II.
+
+    The Pobble who has no toes,
+        Swam across the Bristol Channel;
+    But before he set out he wrapped his nose
+        In a piece of scarlet flannel.
+    For his Aunt Jobiska said, "No harm
+    Can come to his toes if his nose is warm;
+    And it's perfectly known that a Pobble's toes
+    Are safe--provided he minds his nose."
+
+
+                    III.
+
+    The Pobble swam fast and well,
+        And when boats or ships came near him,
+    He tinkledy-binkledy-winkled a bell
+        So that all the world could hear him.
+    And all the Sailors and Admirals cried,
+    When they saw him nearing the further side,--
+   "He has gone to fish, for his Aunt Jobiska's
+    Runcible Cat with crimson whiskers!"
+
+
+                    IV.
+
+    But before he touched the shore,--
+        The shore of the Bristol Channel,
+    A sea-green Porpoise carried away
+        His wrapper of scarlet flannel.
+    And when he came to observe his feet,
+    Formerly garnished with toes so neat,
+    His face at once became forlorn
+    On perceiving that all his toes were gone!
+
+
+                    V.
+
+    And nobody ever knew,
+        From that dark day to the present,
+    Whoso had taken the Pobble's toes,
+        In a manner so far from pleasant.
+    Whether the shrimps or crawfish gray,
+    Or crafty Mermaids stole them away,
+    Nobody knew; and nobody knows
+    How the Pobble was robbed of his twice five toes!
+
+
+                    VI.
+
+    The Pobble who has no toes
+        Was placed in a friendly Bark,
+    And they rowed him back, and carried him up
+        To his Aunt Jobiska's Park.
+    And she made him a feast, at his earnest wish,
+    Of eggs and buttercups fried with fish;
+    And she said, "It's a fact the whole world knows,
+    That Pobbles are happier without their toes."
+
+
+
+
+THE NEW VESTMENTS.
+
+    There lived an old man in the Kingdom of Tess,
+    Who invented a purely original dress;
+    And when it was perfectly made and complete,
+    He opened the door and walked into the street.
+
+    By way of a hat he'd a loaf of Brown Bread,
+    In the middle of which he inserted his head;
+    His Shirt was made up of no end of dead Mice,
+    The warmth of whose skins was quite fluffy and nice;
+    His Drawers were of Rabbit-skins, so were his Shoes;
+    His Stockings were skins, but it is not known whose;
+    His Waistcoat and Trowsers were made of Pork Chops;
+    His Buttons were Jujubes and Chocolate Drops;
+    His Coat was all Pancakes, with Jam for a border,
+    And a girdle of Biscuits to keep it in order;
+    And he wore over all, as a screen from bad weather,
+    A Cloak of green Cabbage-leaves stitched all together.
+
+    He had walked a short way, when he heard a great noise,
+    Of all sorts of Beasticles, Birdlings, and Boys;
+    And from every long street and dark lane in the town
+    Beasts, Birdies, and Boys in a tumult rushed down.
+    Two Cows and a Calf ate his Cabbage-leaf Cloak;
+    Four Apes seized his Girdle, which vanished like smoke;
+    Three Kids ate up half of his Pancaky Coat,
+    And the tails were devour'd by an ancient He Goat;
+    An army of Dogs in a twinkling tore _up_ his
+    Pork Waistcoat and Trowsers to give to their Puppies;
+    And while they were growling, and mumbling the Chops,
+    Ten Boys prigged the Jujubes and Chocolate Drops.
+    He tried to run back to his house, but in vain,
+    For scores of fat Pigs came again and again:
+    They rushed out of stables and hovels and doors;
+    They tore off his stockings, his shoes, and his drawers;
+    And now from the housetops with screechings descend
+    Striped, spotted, white, black, and gray Cats without end:
+    They jumped on his shoulders and knocked off his hat,
+    When Crows, Ducks, and Hens made a mincemeat of that;
+    They speedily flew at his sleeves in a trice,
+    And utterly tore up his Shirt of dead Mice;
+    They swallowed the last of his Shirt with a squall,--
+    Whereon he ran home with no clothes on at all.
+
+    And he said to himself, as he bolted the door,
+   "I will not wear a similar dress any more,
+    Any more, any more, any more, never more!"
+
+
+
+
+MR. AND MRS. DISCOBBOLOS.
+
+                    I.
+
+    Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos
+        Climbed to the top of a wall.
+      And they sate to watch the sunset sky,
+      And to hear the Nupiter Piffkin cry,
+        And the Biscuit Buffalo call.
+    They took up a roll and some Camomile tea,
+    And both were as happy as happy could be,
+            Till Mrs. Discobbolos said,--
+           "Oh! W! X! Y! Z!
+            It has just come into my head,
+      Suppose we should happen to fall!!!!!
+                        Darling Mr. Discobbolos!
+
+
+                    II.
+
+   "Suppose we should fall down flumpetty,
+        Just like pieces of stone,
+      On to the thorns, or into the moat,
+      What would become of your new green coat?
+        And might you not break a bone?
+    It never occurred to me before,
+    That perhaps we shall never go down any more!"
+            And Mrs. Discobbolos said,
+           "Oh! W! X! Y! Z!
+            What put it into your head
+      To climb up this wall, my own
+                        Darling Mr. Discobbolos?"
+
+
+                    III.
+
+    Mr. Discobbolos answered,
+       "At first it gave me pain,
+      And I felt my ears turn perfectly pink
+      When your exclamation made me think
+        We might never get down again!
+    But now I believe it is wiser far
+    To remain for ever just where we are."
+            And Mr. Discobbolos said,
+           "Oh! W! X! Y! Z!
+            It has just come into my head
+      We shall never go down again,
+                        Dearest Mrs. Discobbolos!"
+
+
+                    IV.
+
+    So Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos
+        Stood up and began to sing,--
+     "Far away from hurry and strife
+      Here we will pass the rest of life,
+        Ding a dong, ding dong, ding!
+    We want no knives nor forks nor chairs,
+    No tables nor carpets nor household cares;
+            From worry of life we've fled;
+            Oh! W! X! Y! Z!
+            There is no more trouble ahead,
+      Sorrow or any such thing,
+                        For Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos!"
+
+
+
+
+THE QUANGLE WANGLE'S HAT.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+                    I.
+
+    On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
+        The Quangle Wangle sat,
+    But his face you could not see,
+        On account of his Beaver Hat.
+    For his Hat was a hundred and two feet wide,
+    With ribbons and bibbons on every side,
+    And bells, and buttons, and loops, and lace,
+    So that nobody ever could see the face
+            Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.
+
+
+                    II.
+
+    The Quangle Wangle said
+        To himself on the Crumpetty Tree,
+    "Jam, and jelly, and bread
+        Are the best of food for me!
+    But the longer I live on this Crumpetty Tree
+    The plainer than ever it seems to me
+    That very few people come this way
+    And that life on the whole is far from gay!"
+            Said the Quangle Wangle Quee.
+
+
+                    III.
+
+    But there came to the Crumpetty Tree
+        Mr. and Mrs. Canary;
+    And they said, "Did ever you see
+        Any spot so charmingly airy?
+    May we build a nest on your lovely Hat?
+    Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that!
+    O please let us come and build a nest
+    Of whatever material suits you best,
+            Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!"
+
+
+                    IV.
+
+    And besides, to the Crumpetty Tree
+        Came the Stork, the Duck, and the Owl;
+    The Snail and the Bumble-Bee,
+        The Frog and the Fimble Fowl
+    (The Fimble Fowl, with a Corkscrew leg);
+    And all of them said, "We humbly beg
+    We may build our homes on your lovely Hat,--
+    Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that!
+       Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!"
+
+
+                    V.
+
+    And the Golden Grouse came there,
+        And the Pobble who has no toes,
+    And the small Olympian bear,
+        And the Dong with a luminous nose.
+    And the Blue Baboon who played the flute,
+    And the Orient Calf from the Land of Tute,
+    And the Attery Squash, and the Bisky Bat,--
+    All came and built on the lovely Hat
+      Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.
+
+                    VI.
+
+    And the Quangle Wangle said
+        To himself on the Crumpetty Tree,
+    "When all these creatures move
+        What a wonderful noise there'll be!"
+    And at night by the light of the Mulberry moon
+    They danced to the Flute of the Blue Baboon,
+    On the broad green leaves of the Crumpetty Tree,
+    And all were as happy as happy could be,
+      With the Quangle Wangle Quee.
+
+
+
+
+THE CUMMERBUND.
+An Indian Poem.
+
+                    I.
+
+She sate upon her Dobie,
+    To watch the Evening Star,
+And all the Punkahs, as they passed,
+    Cried, "My! how fair you are!"
+Around her bower, with quivering leaves,
+    The tall Kamsamahs grew,
+And Kitmutgars in wild festoons
+    Hung down from Tchokis blue.
+
+
+                    II.
+
+Below her home the river rolled
+    With soft meloobious sound,
+Where golden-finned Chuprassies swam,
+    In myriads circling round.
+Above, on tallest trees remote
+    Green Ayahs perched alone,
+And all night long the Mussak moan'd
+    Its melancholy tone.
+
+
+                    III.
+
+And where the purple Nullahs threw
+    Their branches far and wide,
+And silvery Goreewallahs flew
+    In silence, side by side,
+The little Bheesties' twittering cry
+    Rose on the flagrant air,
+And oft the angry Jampan howled
+    Deep in his hateful lair.
+
+
+                    IV.
+
+She sate upon her Dobie,
+    She heard the Nimmak hum,
+When all at once a cry arose,
+    "The Cummerbund is come!"
+In vain she fled: with open jaws
+    The angry monster followed,
+And so (before assistance came)
+    That Lady Fair was swollowed.
+
+
+                    V.
+
+They sought in vain for even a bone
+    Respectfully to bury;
+They said, "Hers was a dreadful fate!"
+    (And Echo answered, "Very.")
+They nailed her Dobie to the wall,
+    Where last her form was seen,
+And underneath they wrote these words,
+    In yellow, blue, and green:
+"Beware, ye Fair! Ye Fair, beware!
+    Nor sit out late at night,
+Lest horrid Cummerbunds should come,
+    And swollow you outright."
+
+
+NOTE.--First published in _Times of India_, Bombay, July, 1874.
+
+
+
+
+THE AKOND OF SWAT.
+
+
+    Who, or why, or which, or _what_, Is the Akond of SWAT?
+    Is he tall or short, or dark or fair?
+    Does he sit on a stool or a sofa or chair,             or SQUAT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Is he wise or foolish, young or old?
+    Does he drink his soup and his coffee cold,             or HOT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Does he sing or whistle, jabber or talk,
+    And when riding abroad does he gallop or walk,          or TROT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Does he wear a turban, a fez, or a hat?
+    Does he sleep on a mattress, a bed, or a mat,          or a COT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    When he writes a copy in round-hand size,
+    Does he cross his T's and finish his I's              with a DOT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Can he write a letter concisely clear
+    Without a speck or a smudge or smear                    or BLOT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Do his people like him extremely well?
+    Or do they, whenever they can, rebel,                   or PLOT,
+                                                    At the Akond of Swat?
+
+    If he catches them then, either old or young,
+    Does he have them chopped in pieces or hung,            or _shot_,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Do his people prig in the lanes or park?
+    Or even at times, when days are dark,                   GAROTTE?
+                                                     O the Akond of Swat!
+
+    Does he study the wants of his own dominion?
+    Or doesn't he care for public opinion                    a JOT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    To amuse his mind do his people show him
+    Pictures, or any one's last new poem,                    or WHAT,
+                                                   For the Akond of Swat?
+
+    At night if he suddenly screams and wakes,
+    Do they bring him only a few small cakes,               or a LOT,
+                                                   For the Akond of Swat?
+
+    Does he live on turnips, tea, or tripe?
+    Does he like his shawl to be marked with a stripe,      or a DOT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Does he like to lie on his back in a boat
+    Like the lady who lived in that isle remote,            SHALLOTT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Is he quiet, or always making a fuss?
+    Is his steward a Swiss or a Swede or a Russ,           or a SCOT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Does he like to sit by the calm blue wave?
+    Or to sleep and snore in a dark green cave,            or a GROTT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Does he drink small beer from a silver jug?
+    Or a bowl? or a glass? or a cup? or a mug?              or a POT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Does he beat his wife with a gold-topped pipe,
+    When she lets the gooseberries grow too ripe,            or ROT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Does he wear a white tie when he dines with friends,
+    And tie it neat in a bow with ends,                    or a KNOT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Does he like new cream, and hate mince-pies?
+    When he looks at the sun does he wink his eyes,          or NOT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Does he teach his subjects to roast and bake?
+    Does he sail about on an inland lake,                  in a YACHT,
+                                                       The Akond of Swat?
+
+    Some one, or nobody, knows I wot
+    Who or which or why or what
+                                                    Is the Akond of Swat!
+
+
+NOTE.--For the existence of this potentate see Indian newspapers, _passim_.
+The proper way to read the verses is to make an immense emphasis on the
+monosyllabic rhymes, which indeed ought to be shouted out by a chorus.
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+
+
+NONSENSE BOTANY.
+
+
+[Illustration: Armchairia Comfortabilis.]
+
+[Illustration: Bassia Palealensis.]
+
+[Illustration: Bubblia Blowpipia.]
+
+[Illustration: Bluebottlia Buzztilentia.]
+
+[Illustration: Crabbia Horrida.]
+
+[Illustration: Smalltoothcombia Domestica.]
+
+[Illustration: Knutmigrata Simplice.]
+
+[Illustration: Tureenia Ladlecum.]
+
+[Illustration: Puffia Leatherbellowsa.]
+
+[Illustration: Queeriflora Babyoeides.]
+
+       *        *        *        *        *
+
+
+
+
+NONSENSE ALPHABETS.
+
+
+                     A
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    A was an Area Arch
+        Where washerwomen sat;
+    They made a lot of lovely starch
+        To starch Papa's Cravat.
+
+
+                     B
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    B was a Bottle blue,
+        Which was not very small;
+    Papa he filled it full of beer,
+        And then he drank it all.
+
+
+                     C
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    C was Papa's gray Cat,
+        Who caught a squeaky Mouse;
+    She pulled him by his twirly tail
+        All about the house.
+
+
+                     D
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    D was Papa's white Duck,
+        Who had a curly tail;
+    One day it ate a great fat frog,
+        Besides a leetle snail.
+
+
+                     E
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    E was a little Egg,
+        Upon the breakfast table;
+    Papa came in and ate it up
+        As fast as he was able.
+
+
+                     F
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    F was a little Fish.
+        Cook in the river took it
+    Papa said, "Cook! Cook! bring a dish!
+        And, Cook! be quick and cook it!"
+
+
+                     G
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    G was Papa's new Gun;
+        He put it in a box;
+    And then he went and bought a bun,
+        And walked about the Docks.
+
+
+                     H
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    H was Papa's new Hat;
+        He wore it on his head;
+    Outside it was completely black,
+        But inside it was red.
+
+
+                     I
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    I was an Inkstand new,
+        Papa he likes to use it;
+    He keeps it in his pocket now,
+        For fear that he should lose it.
+
+
+                     J
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    J was some Apple Jam,
+        Of which Papa ate part;
+    But all the rest he took away
+        And stuffed into a tart.
+
+
+                     K
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    K was a great new Kite;
+        Papa he saw it fly
+    Above a thousand chimney pots,
+        And all about the sky.
+
+
+                     L
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    L was a fine new Lamp;
+        But when the wick was lit,
+    Papa he said, "This Light ain't good!
+        I cannot read a bit!"
+
+
+                     M
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    M was a dish of mince;
+        It looked so good to eat!
+    Papa, he quickly ate it up,
+        And said, "This is a treat!"
+
+
+                     N
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    N was a Nut that grew
+        High up upon a tree;
+    Papa, who could not reach it, said,
+        "That's _much_ too high for me!"
+
+
+                     O
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    O was an Owl who flew
+        All in the dark away,
+    Papa said, "What an owl you are!
+        Why don't you fly by day?"
+
+                     P
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    P was a little Pig,
+        Went out to take a walk;
+    Papa he said, "If Piggy dead,
+        He'd all turn into Pork!"
+
+
+                     Q
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    Q was a Quince that hung
+        Upon a garden tree;
+    Papa he brought it with him home,
+        And ate it with his tea.
+
+
+                     R
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    R was a Railway Rug
+        Extremely large and warm;
+    Papa he wrapped it round his head,
+        In a most dreadful storm.
+
+
+                     S
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    S was Papa's new Stick,
+        Papa's new thumping Stick,
+    To thump extremely wicked boys,
+        Because it was so thick.
+
+
+                     T
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    T was a tumbler full
+        Of Punch all hot and good;
+    Papa he drank it up, when in
+        The middle of a wood.
+
+
+                     U
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    U was a silver urn,
+        Full of hot scalding water;
+    Papa said, "If that Urn were mine,
+        I'd give it to my daughter!"
+
+
+                     V
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    V was a Villain; once
+        He stole a piece of beef.
+    Papa he said, "Oh, dreadful man!
+        That Villain is a Thief!"
+
+
+                     W
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    W was a Watch of Gold:
+        It told the time of day,
+    So that Papa knew when to come,
+        And when to go away.
+
+
+                     X
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    X was King Xerxes, whom
+        Papa much wished to know;
+    But this he could not do, because
+        Xerxes died long ago.
+
+
+                     Y
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    Y was a Youth, who kicked
+        And screamed and cried like mad;
+    Papa he said, "Your conduct is
+        Abominably bad!"
+
+
+                     Z
+
+               [Illustration]
+
+    Z was a Zebra striped
+        And streaked with lines of black;
+    Papa said once, he thought he'd like
+        A ride upon his back.
+
+
+
+
+ALPHABET, No. 6.
+
+    A tumbled down, and hurt his Arm, against a bit of wood,
+
+    B said. "My Boy, oh, do not cry; it cannot do you good!"
+
+    C said, "A Cup of Coffee hot can't do you any harm."
+
+    D said, "A Doctor should be fetched, and he would cure the arm."
+
+    E said, "An Egg beat up with milk would quickly make him well."
+
+    F said, "A Fish, if broiled, might cure, if only by the smell."
+
+    G said, "Green Gooseberry fool, the best of cures I hold."
+
+    H said, "His Hat should be kept on, to keep him from the cold."
+
+    I said, "Some Ice upon his head will make him better soon."
+
+    J said, "Some Jam, if spread on bread, or given in a spoon!"
+
+    K said, "A Kangaroo is here,--this picture let him see."
+
+    L said, "A Lamp pray keep alight, to make some barley tea."
+
+    M said, "A Mulberry or two might give him satisfaction."
+
+    N said, "Some Nuts, if rolled about, might be a slight attraction."
+
+    O said, "An Owl might make him laugh, if only it would wink."
+
+    P said, "Some Poetry might be read aloud, to make him think."
+
+    Q said, "A Quince I recommend,--a Quince, or else a Quail."
+
+    R said, "Some Rats might make him move, if fastened by their tail."
+
+    S said, "A Song should now be sung, in hopes to make him laugh!"
+
+    T said, "A Turnip might avail, if sliced or cut in half!"
+
+    U said, "An Urn, with water hot, place underneath his chin!"
+
+    V said, "I'll stand upon a chair, and play a Violin!"
+
+    W said, "Some Whisky-Whizzgigs fetch, some marbles and a ball!"
+
+    X said, "Some double XX ale would be the best of all!"
+
+    Y said, "Some Yeast mixed up with salt would make a perfect plaster!"
+
+    Z said, "Here is a box of Zinc! Get in, my little master!
+             We'll shut you up! We'll nail you down! We will, my little
+                 master!
+             We think we've all heard quite enough of this your sad
+                 disaster!"
+
+
+
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