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diff --git a/old/13161-8.txt b/old/13161-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9dc27c5 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/13161-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4522 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living, by H.W. Long + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living + Some Things That All Sane People Ought To Know About Sex Nature And + Sex Functioning; Its Place In The Economy Of Life, Its Proper Training + And Righteous Exercise + + +Author: H.W. Long + +Release Date: August 12, 2004 [EBook #13161] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING *** + + + + +Produced by Michael Ciesielski, Melissa Er-Raqabi, Joshua Hutchinson +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING + + +SOME THINGS THAT ALL SANE PEOPLE OUGHT TO KNOW ABOUT SEX NATURE AND +SEX FUNCTIONING; ITS PLACE IN THE ECONOMY OF LIFE, ITS PROPER TRAINING +AND RIGHTEOUS EXERCISE + +H.W. LONG, M.D. + + +_AUTHORIZED EDITION_ + + +EUGENICS PUBLISHING CO., INC. + +NEW YORK + +1919 + +MADE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA + + + +TO MY FELLOW-MEMBERS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION INTO WHOSE HANDS THIS +BOOK MAY COME, AND TO ALL WHO MAY READ IT UNDER THEIR DIRECTION, THIS +VOLUME IS MOST SINCERELY DEDICATED BY THE AUTHOR. + + + +NOTE TO THE READER + +IN ORDER TO GAIN A CORRECT IMPRESSION OF THE BOOK, IT IS ESSENTIAL +THAT IT BE READ FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END WITHOUT ANY SKIPPING +WHATSOEVER. ONCE READ, IT CAN BE RE-READ, HERE AND THERE, AS THE +READER MAY DESIRE. BUT FOR A FIRST READING, IT IS THE EARNEST WISH +OF THE AUTHOR THAT EVERY WORD BE READ, FOR IN NO OTHER WAY CAN THE +PURPOSE OF THE BOOK BE REALIZED. + + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +As we have moved down the ages, now and then, from the religious +teacher, the statesman, the inventor, the social worker, or from the +doctor, surgeon, or sexologist, there has been a "_vox clamantis in +deserto_." Usually these voices have fallen on unheeding ears; but +again and again some delver in books, some student of men, some +inspired, self-effacing, or altruistic one has taken up the cry; and +at last unthinking, unheeding, superficial, self-satisfied humanity +has turned to listen. + +Aristotle by the sure inductive method learned and taught much, +concerning the sex relations of men and women, that it would profit +us today to heed. Balzac, Luther, Michelet, Spencer, and later, at +our very doors, Krafft-Ebbing, Forel, Bloch, Ellis, Freud, Hall, and +scores of others have added their voices. All these have seen whither +we were drifting, and have made vigorous protests according to their +lights. Many of these protests should have been heard, but were not, +and only now are just beginning to be heeded. Such pioneers in the +field of proper, healthful, ethical, religious, sane daily sex living, +have been Sturgis and Malchow, who talked earnestly to an unheeding +profession of these things, and now, I have the honor to write +an introductory word to a book in this field, that is sane, wise, +practical, entirely truthful, and unspeakably necessary. + +I can endorse the teachings in Dr. Long's book more fully because I +have, for nearly a quarter of a century, been holding similar views, +and dispensing similar, though perhaps less explicit, information. +I know from long observation that the teaching is wholesome and +necessary, and that the results are universally uplifting. Such +teachings improve health, prolong life, and promote virtue, adding to +the happiness and lessening the burdens of men, on the one hand; on +the other, reducing their crimes and vices. A book like this would +have proved invaluable to me on my entrance to the married state; but +had I had it, I might not have been forced to acquire the knowledge +which enables me now to state with all solemnity, that I personally +know hundreds of couples whose lives were wrecked for lack of such +knowledge, and that I more intimately know hundreds of others to +whom verbal teaching along the lines he has laid down, has brought +happiness, health and goodness. + +Dr. Long advances no theories; neither do I. He has found by studying +himself and other people, a sane and salutary way of sex living, and +fearlessly has prescribed this to a limited circle for a long time. I +congratulate him for his perspicacity, temerity, and wisdom. He offers +no apology, and there is no occasion for any. He says, "All has been +set down in love, by a lover, for the sake of lovers yet to be, in the +hope of helping them on toward a divine consummation." That is, he has +developed these ideas at home, and then spread them abroad, or, he has +found them abroad and brought them home; and they worked. + +I also speak somewhat _ex experientia_ and have some intimate personal +knowledge of many of these things. Therefore, I advocate his doctrine, +the more readily, and maintain that humanity needs these ideas as +much today as when M. Jules Lemaitre wrote his late introduction to +Michelet's _L'Amour_. He said: "_Il ne parait pas, apres quarante ans +passes, que les choses aillent mieux, ni que le livre de Michelet +ait rien perdu de son a-propos_." Twenty years more have elapsed +and things have not yet become much better. Frank sex talks like Dr. +Long's teaching are as a-propos today as was Michelet's book when it +was written, or when, after forty years had passed M. Lemaitre wrote +his introduction. + +Idealism is right, and we all approve it; so much so, that many of us +cannot see that ultra-idealism, extremism in right, (it is foolish +to attempt to attain anything better than the best) may be wrong. +Undoubtedly, entire devotion to the material and physical, is also +wrong; but we never must lose sight of the palpable fact that, unless +we have a proper, stable, natural, well-regulated physical or +material foundation, we must fall short of all ideals. Proper physical +adjustments enable the realization of realizable ideals. Unrealizable +ideals are chimeras pursued into futurity, while a world that should +be human and happy waits in vice and misery. I gather that Dr. Long +believes that reducing this vice and misery, and increasing human +happiness and improving health are suitable works with which to +companion a faith in the Arbiter of our destinies. + +If thus he develops his idea of the integrity of the universe, I agree +with him fully. His book, since it delineates the numerous details of +a normal sex life, can be sold, thanks to our prudish public, only to +the profession. I believe it should go to the larger public as it has +gone formerly to his smaller community. + +In spite of imperfect ideals the Orient has endured, while we of the +Occident are fast becoming decadent. We, by learning something of +the art of love, and of the natural life of married people, from the +Hindoos, may perpetuate our civilization. They, by adopting the best +of our transcendentalism, may reach higher development than we yet +have attained. + +The time has come for a book like this to command the attention of +medical men, since now an awakened public demands from them, as the +conservers of life and the directors of physiological living, explicit +directions in everything pertaining to the physician's calling, not +omitting the intimate, intricate, long taboo and disdained details of +sex life and procreation. + +W.F. ROBIE, M.D. + + + + + +CONTENTS + + +INTRODUCTION + +By Dr. W.F. Robie, author of "The Art of Love" + +Need for facts about sex and love--Present ignorance of sex +relations--Sex information improves health, prolongs life, promotes +virtue, adds to happiness--Frank talks needed--This book describes +details of normal sex life, describes art of love, gives explicit +instructions pertaining to intimacies of sex life. + + +FOREWORD + + +Answers problems of sex life in the delicate relations of +marriage--Most people too timid to reveal reasons for their sexual +difficulties--Knowledge in a book less embarrassing to gain--Never +before could people find facts they wanted to know most--This book +prepared especially to help husbands and wives to live wholesome sex +lives--Gives them facts all married people should know--Explains +how to use that information to make marriage a success--Especially +valuable for newlyweds if read on honeymoon--Those now married who do +not get on well together will find in this book relief from suffering +and woe. + + +EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION + + +Wrong teachings about sex--Children brought up in ignorance on sex +matters--No information given by parents, schools, churches--But +children will find out even if they go to wrong sources--Some one must +tell the truth--This book does it. + + +THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION + + +Until recently it was a crime to give knowledge concerning sex +relations--Sex knowledge denied through selfishness or prudery--This +is wrong because sex is of highest importance to human beings--Ills, +crimes, misfortunes are result when people are forced to be ignorant +of knowledge they need--Condemned to suffer tortures when they might +enjoy delights--Sex is clean and natural--At last sex knowledge may +be given freely--Advice in this book gained from personal and +professional experience. + + +THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE + + +Definite information now given which will help husbands and wives +to find perpetual and increasing happiness all their lives--Duty of +brides and grooms to acquaint themselves with each other's sexual +needs--No man or woman should be ashamed of the sexual make-up--They +should be proud of their sexual functions and virility--Read the book +without shame or shock--Gaining honest truth about these matters is +most essential to life. + + +THE SEX ORGANS + + +Male sex organs are penis and testicles--Size and form of penis when +at rest and during sexual excitement--Position of testicles--Why one +teste is larger--Pubic regions in men and women. + +Female sex organs are vulva, vaginal passage, womb, and +ovaries--Length of vaginal passage compared with distended penis--Size +and formation of womb--Position of ovaries. + + +FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS + + +Primary purpose of sex in the human race--Life is the result of union +of two forces--Birth the same in human beings as in other forms of +life--Process of conception in female--How female ovum is fertilized +by male--When puberty begins and ends in women. + +Menstruation, its cause and meaning--When ovum may be +impregnated--Origin of sperm in man--Purpose of prostate gland--What +semen is--For birth of new life union of male and female sex organs +necessary--Glans penis in man and clitoris in woman are "exciting" +focal points--Climax of coitus. + +Use of sexual organs to produce offspring same in mankind as in +animals--One way in which human beings differ from animals in sex +relations--Coitus possible in animals only in "rutting" season--In +human beings coitus enjoyable at any time--What this difference means +to happiness--The basis of real success in marriage--Married people +can reach highest conditions of wedlock when they know and practice +what is right in sex--No "rights" conferred in sex relations through +the ceremony of marriage. + +Different views of sexual relations for purpose of happiness--Padlocks +to prevent exercise of sexual functions--Effect of falsehoods about +sex relations--Innocent brides and goody-good husbands--Differences +of opinion by brides and grooms lead to terrible wrongs on marriage +night--False teaching often results in the "rape of the wedding +night"--How definite knowledge prevents this shock to bride and makes +for perfect bliss--The second kind of coitus reserved only for human +beings can bring highest physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. + + +THE ACT OF COITUS + + +Coitus consists of four parts or acts--Where ninety-nine +one-hundredths of all married troubles begin--Usually husband's fault +due to ignorance or carelessness. + +First part of act of coitus--Difference between men and women in time +needed for sexual readiness--Women usually slower--Prostatic flow +and pre-coital secretion--Coitus harmful when either partner not fully +ready for sexual union--Taking time most important feature--Special +information for newlyweds--Woman's fear of "something new" and of +pregnancy--Husband should not insist upon "rights"--Evils which +follow this wrong attitude--True marriage based on mutual love--Key +to married happiness--Married love needs continual care by husband and +wife--Instructions for performing first part of act of coitus. + +Second part of act of coitus--Many positions possible--Best +position--Instructions for performing second part of act of coitus. + +Third part of act of coitus--A common mistake made by many wives, +especially young brides--Need for complete freedom on part of +woman--Length of time required--Skill and intensity needed by husband +and wife--Instructions for performing third part of act of coitus. + +Fourth and final part of act of coitus--When done correctly greatest +of all human experiences--What happens to the man--What occurs in the +woman--No connection with possibility of pregnancy--Designed by nature +especially for woman's satisfaction and pleasure--Special instruction +for husband and wife--Review of all the four parts of the act of +coitus. + + +THE FIRST UNION + + +Special conditions which must be considered when bride is to +have first sexual congress--Her state of mind--Need for better +acquaintance--What both bride and groom should know about the woman's +sex organs; where located, parts, how constructed, sensitivity--How +shape and size of mouth indicate shape and size of woman's sex organs. + +The hymen or "maidenhead"--Meaning of its presence or absence--How +it may be removed without danger or pain--First union should be +accomplished by mutual desire and effort--Chances of conception in +coitus--Desire for children. + +The right to have children when wanted--A matter of choice--Difference +between infanticide, abortion and prevention of pregnancy--How husband +and wife can tell when there is no danger of impregnation--A rule +of coitus which should never be violated--What information about +pregnancy may be gained from menstrual period--Most women have two +weeks of "free time" each month--Freedom from fear an accomplishment +which adds to happiness of marriage. + + +THE ART OF LOVE + + +Must be learned and mastered because partners in marriage often +not matched physically or psychically--Ordinary cases of physical +mismatching--Difference in size of sex organs may produce unfortunate +results--How to discover physical mismatching--How to correct +it--Instructions for overcoming physical mismatching. + +Psychical mismatching--Differences between men and women cause for +great dissatisfaction if not known and corrected--Instructions for +correcting psychical mismatching if husband is at fault; if wife is +at fault--Extending time of first part of coitus--Inducing pre-coital +flow in woman--Essential that first part of coitus be continued until +woman is ready for second part--Necessity for husband to know ways to +extend time of third part of coitus--"Keeping the cap on"--What wife +can do to correct physical and psychical mismatching. + +Sex stimulation is right and wholesome--Instructions if normal sex +relations are impossible--Special information on sex stimulation for +brides and grooms--Valuable addition to sex knowledge. + + +COITUS RESERVATUS + + +A mental and spiritual love embrace--Fulfillment of +courting--Specially valuable during time when woman is not +"free"--Value of sexual stimulation if not carried to excess. + +Frequency of coitus--Men who wear themselves out--Women who wear out +their husbands--Mismatching in sexual temperament and desire--How +to correct it--Women who are anesthetic to sexual desire, and how to +overcome it--Impotence in men. + +How late in life can coitus be practiced with benefit to +health--Danger of withholding sex functioning--Sex organs able to +function until late in life--Sexual desires in women after "change in +life"--Proof that Art of Love must be learned and that it can bring +lifelong happiness. + + +CLEANLINESS + + +Need for keeping body clean, sexual reaction--Parts of body woman +should be specially careful to keep clean--Portion of body man should +be specially careful to clean--Effect of mouth and armpit odors. + + +PREGNANCY + + +Complete home with children supreme attainment of life--Begetting +children should be deliberate choice by parents--Proper time for +begetting children--Danger of waiting too long to have children--When +first child should be born--At what age of parents should children be +born. + +Is coitus wise during pregnancy--How the Art of Love provides for +this time--Passions of women during period of pregnancy--Criminal for +husband to compel coitus upon wife unless desired by her. + + +CONCLUSION + + +Book written with purpose of helping lover on towards divine +consummation--Two final instructions--Become master of the Art of +Love--Learn science of Procreation. + +About married people who cannot have children--A guide to +happiness--Chief facts of true marriage. + + + + +FOREWORD + +_To Members of the Medical Profession into Whose Hands This Book May +Come_: + + +The following pages are more in the nature of a manuscript, or +heart-to-heart talk between those who have mutual confidence in each +other, than of a technical, or strictly scientific treatise of the +subject in hand; and I cannot do better, for all parties concerned, +than to explain, just here in the beginning, how this came about, +and why I have concluded to leave the copy practically as it was +originally written. + +In common with nearly all members of our profession who are engaged +in the general practice of medicine, I have had numbers of married men +and women, husbands and wives, patients and otherwise, who have come +to me for counsel and advice regarding matters which pertain to their +sex-life, as that problem presented itself to them personally. As we +all know, many of the most serious and complicated cases we have to +deal with have their origins in these delicate relations which so +often exist among wedded people, of all classes and varieties. + +For a number of years I did what I could for these patrons of mine, by +way of confidential talks and the like, my experience in this regard +probably being about on a par with that of my medical brethren who are +engaged in the same kind of work. It is needless to say that I found, +as you have doubtless found under the same conditions, many obstacles +to prevent satisfactory results, by this method of procedure. My +patients were often so reticent, or timid and shame-faced, that it was +frequently difficult to get at the real facts in their cases, and, as +we all know, many of these would, for these and other reasons, conceal +more than they revealed, thereby keeping out of evidence the most +vital and significant items in their individual cases. All these +things, of course, tended to make bad matters worse, or resulted in +nothing that was really worth while. + +After some years of this sort of experience, and meditating much on +the situation, I came to the conclusion that a very large percentage +of all this trouble which I and my patrons had to go up against, was +almost entirely the result of ignorance on the part of those who came +to consult me; and because knowledge is always the antidote for not +knowing, I came to the conclusion that, if it were possible to "put +these people wise" where they were now so uninformed, I might at +once save them from a deal of harm and myself from much trouble and +annoyance. + +Further than this, I remembered once hearing a wise man say that often +"what cannot be said may be sung"; and I realized that it is equally +true that much which would be awkward, or embarrassing, if said to a +person, face to face, might be got to them in writing with impunity. +This I found to be especially true of my women patients, some of whom +might become suspicious of a wrong intent from the things said in a +private conversation, when they would have no such fears or doubts +if they read the same words from a printed page. It was these +considerations which first suggested to me the writing of the +following pages. + +Still other reasons why I did as I did were as follows: You see, +at once, if you stop to think about it, that the writing out of the +knowledge I proposed to impart was really a matter of necessity for +me, because of the _saving of time_ which would thereby be secured. To +get any results that would be worth while in these matters, I would be +required to tell about ever so many things concerning which they were +totally ignorant; and to tell about ever so many things, by word of +mouth, to each individual patient, _takes time_--ever so much time, if +the work is well done, and it had better not be done at all if it is +not well done. So I really was forced to write out what I wanted to +teach these patients of mine. + +And let me say further that I was compelled to write these things out +for my people as I have written them, because, in all the range of +literature on this vital subject, I knew of nothing which would tell +them just what it seemed to me they ought to be told, and what they +ought to know. + +And so it was that I wrote the manuscript which is now printed in the +following pages. I did not write it at first just as it now stands, +because experience showed me, from time to time, where my first +efforts could be modified and improved. So what is here presented is +the result of many practical demonstrations of the real working value +of what the manuscript contains. + +My method of using the copy has been something as follows: As I have +already suggested, what I have written has been prepared for the sole +and express purpose of helping husbands and wives to live sane and +wholesome sex-lives--to give them the requisite knowledge for so +doing; knowledge of themselves and of each other as sexual beings; the +correct ideas regarding such right manner of living; to disabuse their +minds of wrong sex-teaching, or no teaching at all, of ignorance, +or prudery, or carelessness, or lust--in a word, to get to them the +things that all sane married people ought to know, and to help them to +practice these things, to the best of their several abilities. + +(Perhaps I ought to say that there is not a line of what I have +written that deals with the subject of venereal diseases, any of +them. This field is already so well covered by a literature especially +devoted to this subject that it needs no word of mine to make it as +satisfactory as possible, as far as discoveries regarding the same +have progressed. My attempt is toward making marriage more of a +success than it now is, under existing conditions; and we all know +that there is a limitless field for exploration and exploitation right +there.) + +Speaking somewhat generally, I have found what I have written to be +of special value to two classes of my patrons: First, to the +"newly-weds"; and, second, to those who have been married for a longer +or shorter period, and who "have not got on well together." A word or +two regarding each of these: + +It is a wise old saying that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound +of cure," and in no other experience of life is this so true as in +the ills to which married people are peculiarly subject. Many a newly +wedded couple have wrecked the possibilities of happiness of a life +time on their "honeymoon trip"; and it is a matter of common knowledge +to the members of our profession that the great majority of brides are +practically raped on their entrance into the married relation. Further +than this, we all know that these things are as they are chiefly +because of the ignorance of the parties concerned, rather than because +they deliberately meant to do wrong. They were left to travel, alone +and unguided, over what was to them an unknown way, one that was +beset with pitfalls and precipices, and where dangers lurked in every +forward step they took. It is to these that I have found what I have +written to be a great help at the time of their utmost need; and the +thanks I have received from such parties have been beyond the power of +words to express. + +As to just when it is best to put this information into the hands of +young married people, my experience has varied with the personality +of the parties concerned. In some cases I have put the copy into their +hands some time before their marriage; in others, not till some time +thereafter; but, as a rule, I have got the best results by putting the +manuscript into their hands just at the time of their marriage, and in +most of these cases the greatest success has come from their reading +it together during their honeymoon. However, this is a matter on which +I do not care to advise, and regarding which each practitioner must +act to the best of his own judgment. + +Once more: Because it is not safe to assume that young married people +are already possessed of the _details_ of the essential knowledge +which they ought to possess, and because such _details_ are the _very +heart_ of the whole matter, I have made these details as simple +and explicit as possible, more so than might seem necessary to the +professional reader. But my experience has proven that I was wise in +this regard, as these very details have saved the day in more than one +case, as the parties who have reported to me, after having read what +I have written, have frequently testified. Sometimes a bride and +groom would keep the copy for a few days only, giving it but a single +reading; but, as a rule, they have been anxious to retain it for some +time, and to read it again and again, especially some parts of it, +till they were well posted on all that it contains. I found, too, that +those who had received help from the reading of the manuscript +were glad to tell others of their friends of the benefits they had +received, and that thus there was a constantly widening circle. + +Of course, not all young married people are capable of reading this +book with profit to themselves or anyone else; but many of them are, +and these ought to have the privilege of doing so. Your own good sense +and experience will determine who these latter are, and these you can +favor as they deserve. It is because of this situation that this book +can only be used professionally that it needs the guiding hand of +an expert physician to insure its reaching only those who can be +benefited by its reading. + +As to the other class of readers, those who have not got on well +in the marriage relation (and we all know that the name of these is +legion) my experience in getting to them what I have written has been +quite varied; but, on the whole, the results have been good--many +times they have been most excellent. Of course, it is harder to +correct errors than to prevent them; but as most of the errors I have +had to deal with among this class of patients have been made through +ignorance rather than otherwise, I have found that the establishment +of knowledge in the premises has generally brought relief where before +was only suffering and woe. + +Another way in which I have found the copy to be of the greatest value +with these cases of unsatisfactory marital relations is the fact that, +often, by the parties _reading the copy together_ they have come to +a mutual understanding by so doing, and have established a _modus +vivendi_ which could not have been attained in any other way. When +such parties see their doctor singly, either of them, a prejudiced +view is very apt to result, and they would seldom, if ever, come +together to consult a physician regarding their troubles. But the +_reading of the book together_ makes a condition of affairs which is +very apt to work out for the best interests of all parties concerned. +Certainly, this is true, that in no case has the reading of the book +made bad matters worse, and in many cases, (indeed in nearly all of +them) it has been of untold value and benefit to the readers. + +And because these things are so, because what I have written has +proved its worth in so many cases, I have finally concluded to give +the copy a larger field in which it may be used by other members of +the profession besides myself. I confide it to my fellow-members in +the profession feeling sure that they will use it among their patients +with wisdom and discretion; and my hope is that their so doing may +yield for them and theirs the most excellent results which have come +to me and mine, on these lines, in the years that have gone by. + +Perhaps I ought to say that the somewhat unique typography of the +book, the large percentage of italics, and not a few capitalized words +that appear in the pages, comes from a duplication of the copy I have +used with my patients. I wrote the original copy in this way for the +sake of giving special emphasis to special points for my readers, +and the results attained I believe were very largely due to the +typographically emphatic form of the book. Appearing in type in this +way, it gives a sort of personal touch to what is thus presented to +the eye of the reader, and the tendency of this is to establish a +heart-to-heart relation between the author and the reader which could +not be attained in any other way. + +All through the copy I have avoided the use of technical words, never +using such a term without explaining its meaning in plain English +in the words that immediately follow it. I found this an absolute +necessity in writing so that the lay reader could understand, in +saying things that would produce results. + +I might say, also, that the "Introduction" to the real subject matter +of the book, I found necessary to write as it is largely to get my +readers into a proper _mental attitude_ for a reasonable recognition +and understanding of what follows it. There are so many wrong +teachings and biased ideas in the premises that these had to be +counteracted or removed, to a degree, at least, before the rest of the +copy could be rightly read. My experience is, that the preface, as it +stands, has been the means of putting the readers of the book into a +right mental attitude for its successful study and consideration. For +the good of the cause it is written to serve, and for help to those +who need help in the most sacred and significant affairs of their +lives, may the book go on its way, if not rejoicing in itself, yet +causing rejoicing in the lives and hearts of all who read what its +pages contain. + +H.W.L. + + + + +SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING + + + + +I + +AN EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION + + +A pious Christian once said to me: "I find it hard to reconcile sex +with the purity of Providence." He never could understand why God +arranged for sex anyway. Why something else might not have been done. +Why children might not have come in some other fashion. + +Look at the harm sex has involved. Most all the deviltry of history +that was not done for money was done for sex. And even the deviltry +that was done and is done for money had, and has sex back of it. Take +sex out of man and you have something worth while. God must have been +short of expedients when God, in sex, conceived sex. It certainly +looks as if the Divine fell down this time. As if infinity was at +the end of its tether. As if the adept creator for once was caught +napping, or for once botched a job. + +So we had my pious friend. And we had medievalism. And we had the +ascetics. And heaven knows what else. Too much sex some places. Too +little sex other places. Some people swearing on and some swearing +off. The prostitute giving away that which was meant to be kept. +The virgin keeping that which was meant to be given away. A force +contending with a force. Drawing in opposite directions when they +should be pulling together. Through it all, motherhood misunderstood. +And fatherhood misunderstood. The body cheapened to the soul. And the +soul cheapened to the body. Every child being a slap in the face of +virtue. + +Have you ever tried to see what this came from and goes to? This +philosophy of vulgar denial? This philosophy of wallowing surrender? + +The Christian stream has been polluted. It has gone dirty in the age +of hush. We are supposed to keep our mouths shut. We are not to give +sex away. We breed youngsters in fatal ignorance. They are always +asking questions. But we don't answer their questions. The church +don't answer them. Nor the state. Nor the schools. Not even mothers +and fathers. Nobody who could answer answers them. But they don't go +unanswered. They get answered. And they get answered wrong instead +of right. They get answered, smutched instead of washed. They get +answered blasphemously instead of reverently. They get answered so +that the body is suspected instead of being trusted. + +A boy who knows nothing asks a boy who knows nothing. A girl who knows +nothing asks a girl who knows nothing. From nothing nothing comes. Men +who have been such boys know nothing. Women who have been such girls +know nothing. From nothing nothing comes. They have become familiar +with sex circumstances. They are parents. They have done the best +they knew how. But they never learned sex. They never realized its +fundamentals. They never went back to, or forward to it. They were +lost in a wilderness. They existed without living. They took sex as +they took whiskey. They breathed an atmosphere of hush. They had got +past the ascetics. But they had not got to be men and women. They +didn't refuse sex. But though embracing its privileges, they still +seemed to regard it as something not to be gloried in. The least +said about it the soonest mended. Mothers and fathers would say to +children: "You'll know about it soon enough." Teachers would say: +"Ask your questions at home." Home would say: "What ever started you +thinking about such things?" + +The child goes about wondering. What's the matter with sex that +everybody's afraid to talk about it? What's the matter with my body +that I dare not mention it? My body seems very beautiful to me. I like +to look at it. I like to feel it. I like to smell it. But I'm always +hurried into my clothes. My body is so mysteriously precious I must +take care of it. But how am I to take care of it if I don't get +acquainted with it? + +I find that having a body has something to do with being a father and +a mother. I want to be a father. I want to be a mother. But how can +I be a father or mother if some one who knows doesn't tell me what +precedes fatherhood and motherhood? I should prepare for it. How can +I if all the books are closed? How can I if I am blanked every time I +express my curiosity? Is there no one anywhere who'll be honest with +me? + +If I look at sex right out of my own soul, it seems like something +which God didn't fail with, but succeeded with. Like something not +polluted, but purified. Like something having everything, instead of +only an occasional thing, to do with life. But the world shakes its +head. The world is nasty. But it puts on airs. The world has eaten. +But the world says it's best to starve. Folks will say they've got to +be parents. But they say they will regret it. They say sex is here. +They say we're up against its mandates or its passions. But let's +be as decent as we can with the indecent. Let's not linger on its +margins. Let's not overstay our dissipation. Sex is like eating. Who +would eat if he didn't have to? To say you enjoy a meal is carnal. To +say that you derive some sense of ecstasy from paternal and maternal +desires is a confession of depravity. Sex at the best is a sin. + +Sex at the best is like stepping down. That sex might be an ascent. +That sex might be the only means of growth and expansion. You never +suppose that! You only assume perdition. You are afraid to assume +heaven. I may take pride in that which I may abstract from my anatomy. +I must not allude to my body as frankly as to my soul. I must withdraw +my body from the public eye. From discussion. From its instinctive +avowals. Our bodies must be coffined. Treated as dead before they are +born. Regarded as conveniences. Not as essential entities. The body is +only for a little while. The soul is forever. But why is that little +while not as holy as forever? They don't say. They cavalierly settle +the case of the body against itself. + +So it goes. Endless vivid portrayals could be made of the anomalous +situation. The more you look at the mess we've got sex into the worse +it seems. _Someone's got to peach._ Someone's got to tell the truth. +In a world of liars who are hushers? In a world of hushers who are +liars? _Someone's got to tell the truth._ Someone's got to give sex +its due. _You can't give spirit its due until you give sex its due._ +You can't accept one and cast aside one. They go together. They are +inseparable. + +You refer to body and soul as if you knew just where one stops and the +other commences. Maybe neither stops and neither commences. Maybe they +are not two things but two names. Maybe when you put a body into a +grave you put a soul there too. And maybe you put neither there. It's +not so easy to say. + +I can't see anything in the things you call spiritual more marvelous +than what you call the physical birth of a baby from a mother. Maybe +you know all about it. I don't. I know nothing about it. To me it's +mysterious. To me it's the supreme demonstration of the spiritual. + +How that a baby comes from a man and a woman. I want that kept clean. +It starts clean. Why do we corrupt it? You who disparage it corrupt +it. You ascetics anywhere. You libidinous roues anywhere. You corrupt +it. By your excesses. You who never say yes. You who never say no. You +corrupt it. + +You parents. You professors. You prudes. This is addressed to you. +What have you got to say about it? You have tremblingly closed the +question. I would coolly open it. You have rebuked God by silence. I +would praise God by speech. + + + + +II + +THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION + + +No apology is offered for what is said in the following pages, but +a brief explanation is virtually necessary to make clear, from the +outset, the reasons why it has been written. + +It is one of the chief characteristics of the human race that +the knowledge acquired by one generation can be passed on to the +generations that follow; and that, in this way, progress in the +betterment of life's results and the adaptation of means to ends can +make a steady and reliable advance. + +Such a method of evolution and growth is not possible in the vegetable +or animal kingdom, where _instinct_ is the only means for the +transmission of acquired knowledge. It is this feature that +differentiates man from all other created beings. + +But here is a curious fact: In one realm of human experiences, in all +Christian civilized countries, it has been considered wrong, even in +some cases being counted a criminal offense, punishable by fine and +imprisonment, for anyone to make any record of, or transmit to +anyone else, any knowledge that may have been acquired regarding sex +relations in the human family. + +To be sure, there has been preserved, from time to time, a body +of _professional_ knowledge of this sort, made and prepared by +physicians, but _confined strictly to that class of people_. No +attempt has been made to disseminate such knowledge among those who +most need it--the common people. On the contrary, every possible +effort is put forth to keep such knowledge from them. This is wholly +at variance with the practice regarding all other forms of human +knowledge, which is to spread, as widely as possible, all known data +that have so far been obtained. + +There is not space, in this small volume, for pointing out the reasons +for this anomalous condition of affairs, but the chief cause of its +status, past and present, is grounded on two sources: The first of +these is a brutal selfishness which has come over to modern times from +a savage past; the second is a sort of pious prudery. + +The result of these causes has been to make the whole subject of sex +in the human family, with its functions and mission in human affairs, +together with its proper training, discipline and exercise--to make +all these things _tabu_, something to be ashamed of and ignored +as much as possible, and all the knowledge regarding them that one +generation has been permitted to transmit to those who come after, may +be summed up in these words, namely "_Thou shalt not_." + +Now it goes without saying that, in the very nature of things, _all_ +this is just as bad as it can possibly be. For, of all phenomena with +which the human race has to do, that of the highest importance, so far +as the well-being of the race is concerned, is that which has to do +with sex in men and women. A large percentage of all the physical +ailments in mankind and womenkind arise from errors in sexual life, +and these are but trifles compared with the mental and spiritual +disasters which come upon humanity from the same source. It is +probably true that more than one-half of all the crimes that are +committed in the civilized world are more or less directly connected +with sex affairs, and there is no so common a cause for insanity as +sex aberrations. + +And nearly all these ills, crimes and misfortunes arise because of +_ignorance_ in the matter of sex in which the rank and file of the +race are forced to live. Few of these ever acquire any positive and +definite knowledge in the premises, and if they do learn anything +for sure, _they keep it to themselves_, inspired to do so by a false +belief regarding the rightful transmission of such knowledge; or, by +a false modesty, or prudery, they are kept from telling to anyone else +what they have discovered or found to be the truth in these matters. +And so the people stumble along in ignorance of these vital affairs +in life, generation after generation, repeating the errors of their +predecessors, and no positive progress being made as the years go by. +Because of this state of affairs millions of human beings die every +generation, and other millions suffer the tortures of the damned while +they live, when they should enjoy the delights of the elect, and would +do so if they only knew the actual facts in the case, and would act in +accordance with the knowledge that ought to be made theirs. + +But there are not wanting signs of the times that there will slowly +come a change in these conditions. The fact is that the intelligent +world is beginning to emerge from a condition of conformity to the +say-so of some one supposed to speak with authority, and to come into +a realm of obedience only to a law that has a scientific basis of +actual knowledge for its foundation. + +For untold ages the sex relations of the human family have been +directed and determined by the clergy and by _their_ teachings and +pronunciamentos regarding what was fit and right. There is no need of +saying hard things about such a fact; nevertheless, it is true that, +for the most part, all the dicta of these men have originated amongst +those who knew nothing of the _scientific_ conditions regarding the +subject on which they issue their mandates. So did the blind lead the +blind, and the ditches of the past years are filled to overflowing +with the dead bodies and souls of men and women, who, for this cause, +have fallen therein. + +This must not always be! It is neither wise nor right that the +essential matters of human life should always remain a stumbling block +and a rock of offense for the children of men. We are coming to see +that sex is no more unclean and to be denied a scientific knowledge +of, than any other part of the human body--the eye, the ear or +whatsoever. Furthermore, the rank and file are beginning to clamor +for a knowledge of these matters for themselves. This is shown by +the frequency of articles that deal with sex in many of the best +newspapers and magazines in the civilized world, and by similar +discussions in the literature, the works and scientific books that now +go into the hands of the common people. It also shows in the attempts +that are occasionally being made to introduce the subject of sexual +hygiene into our public schools and other educational institutions. +"The world do move!" + +It is for these reasons--because it is right to transfer to you and to +those who come after, the sex knowledge that has been acquired by the +author, by reading scientific and professional literature upon the +subject, by conference with men and women who know, and by personal +and professional experience, that what follows is written. + + + + +III + +THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE + + +So much by way of general remarks regarding the subject in hand. It +is more the especial purpose of what follows, however, to treat of the +matter of marriage in particular, _to say something definite to young +husbands and wives that shall be of real benefit to them_, not only by +way of starting them out right in the new and untried way upon which +they have entered, but to help them to make that way a realm +of perpetual and ever increasing joy to both parties concerned, +throughout its entire course, their whole lives long. + +Be it said, then, first, that it is the duty of every bride and groom, +before they engage in sexual commerce with each other, to acquaint +themselves thoroughly with the anatomy and physiology of the sex +organs of human beings, both male and female, and to make the +acquirement of such knowledge as dispassionate and matter-of-fact +an affair as though they were studying the nature, construction and +functions of the stomach, or the digestive processes entire, or the +nature and use of any of the other bodily organs. "Clear and clean am +I within and without; clear and clean is every scrap and part of me, +and no part shall be held more sacred or preferred above another. For +divine am I, and all I am, or contain." + +Now the normal young man or woman would do just this, would pursue a +study of sex in this way, were it not for the fact that they have +been taught, time out of mind, that to do this is immodest, not to +say indecent or positively wicked. They have longed to be possessed +of such knowledge, all their lives; in most cases more than any other +form of wisdom that it was possible for them to make their own. But +its acquirement has been placed beyond their possible reach, and it +is only by the most clandestine and often nasty means that they have +attained what little they know. But the quotation made in the last +paragraph, sounds the key note of what is _right_ in this matter, +and the first effort made by the reader of these pages should be to +establish in himself or herself the _condition of mind which these +lines embody._ + +And it had better be said, right here, that for most young people this +will be found to be no _easy_ thing to do. Nor should the reader feel +ashamed or chagrined, or at odds with himself or herself if he or she +finds such condition of affairs existing in his or her case. For it +is nothing for which they are to blame. It is a misfortune and not +a fault. It is only the result of inherited and inculcated (the word +inculcated means _kicked in_) ideas to which all "well bred" youths +have been subjected for centuries; the idea being that the closer they +were kept in the realm of innocence, which is only another name for +ignorance, the better "bred" they are. And to pry one's self loose, to +break or tear one's self away from such a mental view and condition +as heredity and such years of rigorous restraint have developed, is no +small task. Indeed, it often takes months, and sometimes years, wholly +to rid one's self of these deep seated and powerful, wrong views and +prejudices. + +Remember this: that _to the pure all things are pure._ But do not +make the mistake of thinking that this much abused sentence means that +purity means _emptiness_! It does no such thing. On the contrary, +it means _fullness_, to _perfection_. It means that one should be +possessed of the right kind of stuff, and that the stuff should be of +supreme quality. So, in studying to obtain a knowledge of sex organs +and sex functions, in the human family, the reader should not try to +divest himself or herself of all sex-passion and desire; but, on the +contrary, to make these of a sort of which he or she can be _proud_, +rather than _ashamed_ of, rejoice in, rather than suffer from. + +So, then, let the reader of these lines, first, get a correct _mental +attitude_ toward what is about to be said. Banish all prurient +curiosity, put aside all thought of shame or shock, (these two will +be hardest for young women to overcome, because of their training in +false modesty and prudishness) and endeavor to approach the subject in +a reverent, open-eyed, conscientious spirit, as one who wishes, above +everything else, to know the honest truth in these most essential +matters that pertain to human life. Get into this frame of mind, and +_keep in it_, and what is here written will be read with both pleasure +and profit. + +Once more, for we must make haste slowly in these delicate affairs, if +the reader should find himself or herself unduly excited, or perhaps +shocked, while reading some parts of what is here written, so that the +heart beats too fast, or the hand trembles, it may be well to suspend +the reading for a time, divert the mind into other channels for a +while, and resume the reading after one has regained poise and mastery +of one's self. That is, "_keep your head_" while you read these +lessons, and you will be all right. + + + + +IV + +THE SEX ORGANS + + +And now, having given these cautionary directions, the way is clear +for the making of definite statements and the giving of positive +instruction. + +Here, then, is a brief description of the sex organs in man and woman. +At first, only the names of the parts will be given, with such slight +comments and explanations as are necessary for making this part of the +subject clear. A detailed setting forth of the functions and proper +exercise of these organs will be given later. + +The sex organs in a male human being consists, broadly speaking, of +the penis and the testicles. All these are located at the base of the +abdomen, between the thighs and on the forward part of the body. The +penis is a fleshy, muscular organ, filled with most sensitive nerves, +and blood vessels that are capable of extension to a much greater +degree than any of their similars in other parts of the body. In a +quiescent, or unexcited condition, in the average man, this organ is +from three to four inches long and about an inch or more in diameter. +It hangs limp and pendent in this state, retired and in evidence not +at all. In its excited, or tumescent condition (the word tumescent +means swelled, and is the technical word for describing the erect +condition of the penis) it becomes enlarged and rigid, its size in +this state being, on an average, six or seven inches long, and from +an inch-and-a-half to two inches in diameter. It is almost perfectly +cylindrical, slightly thicker at the base than at its forward part. + +The testicles are two kidney shaped glands, not far from the size of +a large hickory nut, and are contained in a sort of sack, or pocket, +called the scrotum, which is made for their comfortable and safe +carrying. The scrotum hangs directly between the thighs, at the base +of the penis, and in it are the testicles, suspended by vital cords +that are suspended from the body above. The left testicle hangs a +little higher in the sack than the right, so that, in case the thighs +are crowded together, one testicle will slip over the other, and so +the danger of crushing them will be avoided. This is one of the many +ways which the Maker of the human body has devised to insure the +proper preservation of the vital organs from harm, a fact which +should inspire all human beings with profound reverence for this most +wonderful of all life forms, the beautiful human body, the "temple of +the Holy Spirit." + +The part of the body upon which the sex organs, male and female, are +located is known as the pubic region. It is covered with hair, which, +in both sexes, extends well up the lower belly. This is known as pubic +hair, and in general corresponds in quality and quantity to the hair +upon the individual head, being coarse or fine, soft or bristly, to +match, the head covering, in each case. This hair is usually more or +less curly, and forms a covering an inch or more in depth over the +whole pubic region, extending back between the thighs slightly beyond +the rectum. In occasional cases this hair is straight and silky, and +sometimes grows to great length, instances being known, in some women, +where it has extended to the knees. A well-grown and abundant supply +of fine pubic hair is a possession highly prized by women, of which +they are justly proud, though few of them would acknowledge the fact, +even to themselves. None the less it is a fact. + +The female sex organs, speaking generally also, are as follows: The +vulva, or outward portion of the parts; the vaginal passage; the +uterus, or womb, and the ovaries. All but the first named lie within +the body of the woman. The vulva is made up of several parts which +will be named and described later. The vaginal passage is a tube, or +canal leading from the vulva to the womb. In length and diameter it +corresponds almost exactly with that of the penis, being six or seven +inches in depth, and capable of a lateral extension which will +readily admit the entrance of the male organ when the two are brought +together. The vaginal passage opens into, and terminates in the +uterine, or womb cavity. + +The womb is a pear shaped sack which is suspended in the womb cavity +by cords and muscles from above. It hangs, neck downwards, and is, in +its unimpregnated condition, about two and a half inches in diameter +at its upper, or widest part, tapering to a thin neck at its lower +end. It is hard and muscular in its quiescent state, filled with +delicate and most sensitive nerves and capacious blood vessels. At its +lower, or neck end, it opens directly into the vaginal passage. + +The ovaries are two in number, and are situated on each side of, and +above the womb, in the region of the upper groins. They are small, fan +shaped glands, and are connected with the uterus by small ducts which +are known as the fallopian tubes. + +As already stated, the exterior parts of the body, in which the female +sex organs are located, are covered with hair for their adornment and +protection. + +Such in brief, are the male and female sex organs in human beings. A +further description of them and their functions and proper use we are +now ready to consider. + + + + +V + +THE FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS + + +It hardly need be stated here, for it is a matter of common knowledge, +that the _primary_ purpose of sex in the human family is the +reproduction of the race. In this respect, considered merely on its +material, or animal side, mankind differs little from all other forms +of animate life. As Whitman says, we see "everywhere sex, everywhere +the urge of procreation." The flowers are possessed of this quality, +and with them all vegetable forms. In the animal kingdom the same is +true. Always "male and female" is everything created. + +And the chief facts in reproduction are practically the same wherever +the phenomena occur. Here, as everywhere else in the world, when a +new life-form appears, it is always the result of the union of _two_ +forces, elements, germs or whatsoever. These two elements differ +in nature and in function, and each is incomplete and worthless by +itself. It is only by the combining of the two that any new result +is obtained. It is this fact that has led to the most suggestive and +beautiful phrase "The duality of all unity in nature." + +Many centuries ago an old Latin philosopher wrote the now celebrated +phrase, _Omne ex ovo_, which, translated, means _everything is from an +egg_. This is practically true of all life-forms. Their beginning +is always from an ovum, or egg. In this respect, the reproduction of +human beings is the same as that of any other life-form. + +Now in this process of producing a new life-form, the female is always +the source of the egg, out of which the new creation is to come. This +egg, however, is infertile of itself, and must be given life to, by +mingling with its germ, an element which only the male can produce +and supply. This element is technically known as a sperm, or a +spermatozoa. Its function is to fertilize the dormant germ in the +egg produced by the female, and thus to start a new and independent +life-form. This life-form, thus started, grows according to the laws +of its becoming more and more, until, at the expiration of a fixed +period, which varies greatly in different animals, it becomes a +complete young individual, of the nature and kind of its parents. +The fertilization of the ovum in the female is called conception; +its growing state is called gestation, and its birth, on becoming a +separate being, is called parturition. In its growing condition, and +before its birth, the new young life form is known as the foetus. + +Now it is the fertilization of the ovum in the female (and from now +on, it is only of the male and female in the human family that mention +will be made) by the male, in the woman, by the man, that is of +supreme interest and importance to both the parties concerned in +producing this result. How this is brought about is substantially as +follows: + +As already stated, the infertile ovum, or egg, is produced by the +woman. Such production begins at what is known as the age of puberty, +or when the hair begins to grow upon the pubic parts of the female +body. The time of the appearance of this phenomenon in feminine life +varies from the age of nine or ten years to fifteen or sixteen. The +average, for most girls, is fourteen years of age. At this time +the formation of ova, or eggs, in the female body begins, and it +continues, in most women, at regular intervals of once in twenty-eight +days, except during pregnancy and lactation, for a period of about +thirty years. During all this time, under favorable conditions, it is +possible for the ovum produced by the woman to become fertilized, if +it can meet the sperm of the male. + +In a general way, this meeting of the infertile ovum of the woman with +the sperm of the man can be brought about, as follows: + +The ova are produced by the ovaries (the word ovaries means egg +producers) where they slowly develop from cells which originate +in these glands. When they have reached maturity, or are ready for +fertilization, they pass out of the ovaries and down into the womb, by +way of the fallopian tubes. As already stated, such passage of the ova +from the ovaries into the womb occurs every twenty-eight days, and +it is accomplished by a more or less copious flow of blood, a sort of +hemorrhage, which carries the ova down through the fallopian tubes, +and deposits them in the womb. This blood, after performing its +mission of carrying the ova down into the womb, escapes from the +body through the vaginal passage and is cared for by the wearing of +a bandage between the thighs. This flow of blood continues for about +five days, and is known as a menstrual flow; and this time in a +woman's life is known as the menstrual period. It is so named because +of the regularity of its recurrence, the word _mensa_ meaning a +_month_. In common parlance, these periods are often spoke of as the +"monthlies." + +After the ovum has reached the womb it remains there for a period of +about ten days, after which, if it is not fertilized during that time, +it passes out of the womb into the vaginal passage, and so out of the +body. But if, at any time after it is ripe for fertilization, that is, +from the time it begins its journey from the ovaries to the womb, +and while it is in the womb, the ovum is met by the male sperm, it is +_liable_ to become fertilized--conception is possible. These are facts +of the _utmost importance_, to be thoroughly understood and kept well +in mind by all married people who would live happily together, as will +be hereafter shown. + +So much regarding the female part of the meeting of the ovum and the +sperm. The male part of this mutual act is as follows: + +The sperm, or spermatozoa, originate in the testicles. Each sperm is +an individual entity and _several thousands_ of them are produced +and in readiness for use, _at each meeting_ of the male and female +generative organs; and if _any one_ of the countless number comes in +contact with the unfertilized ovum in the womb, conception is _liable_ +to result. + +These sperms are so small that they are not visible to the naked eye, +but they are readily seen by the use of a microscope. In shape they +much resemble tad-poles in their earliest stages. + +At the base of the penis, well up in the man's body, there is a large +gland which surrounds the penis like a thick ring, and which is called +the prostate gland. It secretes a mucous fluid which looks much like, +and is about the consistency of the white of an egg. Close to this +gland, and almost a part of it, is a sack, or pocket, into which the +mucous secretion from the prostate gland is poured, and where it is +kept, ready for use, in performing its part of the germinal act. + +Now it is the business of this mucous fluid, which comes from the +prostate gland, to form a "carrying medium" for the spermatozoa which +originate in the testicles. There are small ducts leading from the +testicles into the pocket which contains the prostate fluid. These are +known as the seminal ducts, and through them the spermatozoa pass +from the testicles into the prostate pocket. Here they mingle with the +prostate fluid, in which they can move about freely, and by means of +which they can be carried wherever this fluid goes. The combination of +prostate fluid and spermatozoa is called "semen." + +Seen under a microscope, a single drop of semen reveals a multitude of +spermatozoa swimming about in the prostate-carrying medium. It is in +this form that the vitalizing male element meets the female infertile +ovum. This mass of live and moving germs is poured all around and +about the region in which the ovum lies waiting to be fertilized, and +every one of them seems to be "rushing about like mad" to find what it +is sent to do, namely, to meet and fertilize the ovum. The manner of +depositing the semen where it can come in contact with the ovum is as +follows: + +In order that this mingling of the male and female sources of life may +be possible, it is necessary that there be a union of the male and the +female generative organs. For such meeting, the penis is filled with +blood, all its blood vessels being distended to their utmost capacity, +till the organ becomes stout and hard, and several times its dormant +size, as has been already told. In this condition it is able to +penetrate, to its utmost depths, the vaginal passage of the female, +which is of a nature to perfectly contain the male organ in this +enlarged and rigid condition. Under such conditions, the penis +is inserted into the widened and distended vaginal passage. Once +together, a mutual back and forth, or partly in and out movement, of +the organs is begun and carried on by the man and woman, which action +further enlarges the parts and raises them to a still higher degree +of tension and excitement. It is supposed by some that this frictional +movement of the parts develops an electrical current, which increases +in tension as the act is continued; and that it is the mission of the +pubic hair, which is a non-conductor, to confine these currents to the +parts in contact. + +Now there are two other glands in these organs; one in the male and +one in the female, which performs a most wonderful function in this +part of the sexual act. These are the "glans penis" in the male and +the "clitoris" in the female. The first is located at the apex of the +male organ, and the other at the upper-middle and exterior part of the +vulva. These glands are covered with a most delicate cuticle, and +are filled with highly sensitive nerves. As the act progresses, these +glands become more and more sensitized, and nervously surcharged, +until, as a climax, they finally cause a sort of nervous explosion of +the organs involved. This climax is called an "orgasm" in scientific +language. Among most men and women it is spoken of as "spending." + +On the part of the man, this orgasm causes the semen, which till this +instant has remained in the prostate pocket, to be suddenly driven +out of this place of deposit, and thrown in jets, and with spasmodic +force, through the entire length of the penis, and, as it were, shot +into the vaginal passage and the uterine cavity, till the whole region +is literally deluged with the life-giving fluid. At the same time, +the mouth of the womb opens wide; and into it pours, or rushes, this +"father stuff," entirely surrounding and flooding the ovum, if it be +in the womb. This is the climax of the sexual act, which is called +"coitus," a word which means, going together. + +With the myriads of spermatozoa swarming about it, if the vital part +of the ovum comes in contact with some one of them, any one of which, +brought into such contact, will fertilize it, conception results. The +woman is then pregnant, and the period of gestation is begun. + +This is a brief description of the act of coitus and of the means by +which pregnancy takes place. It is, however, only a small part of the +story of the sex relations of husbands and wives; and, be it said, a +_very_ small part of that, as will now be shown. + +As has already been said, this use of the sex organs, merely to +produce progeny, and so insure a continuance of the race, is a quality +that mankind shares with all the rest of the animal kingdom. In all +essentials, so far as the material parts of the act are concerned, the +beginnings of the new life in the human family differ not a whit from +that of any other mammals. In each case the ovum is produced by the +ovaries of the female, passes into the womb, is there met by the semen +from the male, fertilized by the spermatozoa, and so the foetus gets +its start. This is the universal means by which the beginnings of all +animal reproductive life takes place. + +But there is another phase in the sex life of human beings, which is +_entirely different_ from that of all other animals, and which must +therefore be considered beyond all that needs to be said regarding the +act of coitus for reproductive purposes only. This we are now ready to +consider and study. + +Now in all animals, except human beings, the act of coitus is only +permitted by the female, (it would seem is only _possible_ for her) +when the ovum is present in the womb and ready to be fertilized. _At +all other times, all female animals, except woman, are practically +sexless_. Their sexual organs are dormant, and _nothing can arouse +them_ to activity. Not only do they fail to show any desire for +coitus, but if an attempt should be made to force it upon them, _they +would resist it_ to the utmost of their strength. + +But when the ovum is present in the womb, these same female animals +are beside themselves with desire for coitus. They are then spoken of +as "in heat." And until they are satisfied, by meeting the male and +procuring from him the vitalizing fluid which will fertilize their +infertile ovum; or, failing in this, until the ovum passes away from +them, out of the womb, they know no rest. At such times they will +run all risks, incur all sorts of danger, do every possible thing to +secure pregnancy. The thousand-and-one ways which female animals use +to make known to their male mates their sexual desire and needs, when +in heat, is a most interesting and wonderful story, a record made up +of facts which would be well worth any student's knowing. But as all +such knowledge can readily be procured from books which are within the +reach of all, there is no need of noting the data here. + +But now, _in woman, all these things are different!_ As a matter of +fact, the presence of the ovum in the womb of a normally made woman +_makes little, and, in many cases, no difference whatever_ as regards +her status concerning the act of coitus! That is, women are never +"in heat," in the same sense in which other female animals are. To be +sure, in some cases, though they are rare, some women are conscious +of a greater desire for coitus just after the ceasing of the menstrual +flow; that is, when the ovum is in the womb. But such cases are so +infrequent that they may well be counted atavistic, that is, of the +nature of a tendency to return to a previous merely animal condition. +For the most part, it is true of all normal women that the presence of +the ovum in the womb makes little difference, one way or another, in +regard to their desire for, or aversion to, the act of coitus. + +Now the fact of this remarkable difference in the sex-status of women +and the same quality in all other female animals leads us to a great +number of interesting, not to say startling, conclusions, some of +which are as follows: + +In the first place, the phenomenon clearly establishes the fact that +sex in the female human being _differs, pronouncedly_, from that of +all other female life. For, whereas, among all females except woman, +coitus is _impossible_, except at certain times and seasons, among +women the act can not only be permitted, but is as much possible or +_desired_ at one time as any other, regardless of the presence or +absence of the ovum in the womb. That is (and this point should be +noted well by the reader) there is a _possibility_, on the part of +the female humanity, for coitus, _under conditions that do not at all +obtain in any other female animal life_. + +This is a conclusion which is of such far-reaching importance that its +limits are but dimly recognized, even in the clear thinking of most +married people. The fact of such difference is known to them, and +their practices in living conform to the conditions; but what it all +means, they are entirely ignorant of, _and they never stop to think +about it_. + +And yet, _right here is the very center and core of the real success +or failure of married life_! Around this fact are grouped all the +troubles that come to husbands and wives. About it are gathered all +the joys and unspeakable delights of the happily married--the only +truly married. It is these items which make a knowledge of the real +conditions which exist, regarding this part of married life, of such +supreme importance. If these conditions could be rightly understood, +and the actions of husbands and wives could be brought to conform to +the laws which obtain under them, _the divorce courts would go out of +business_, their occupation, like Othello's, would be "gone indeed." + +The first conclusion, then, one that is forced upon the thoughtful +mind by the fact of this difference in the sex possibilities of women +and other female animals, is, as already stated, but which is here +repeated for emphasis, that coitus _can_ be engaged in _by women_ when +_pregnancy_ is _not_ its purpose, on her part; and that _this never +occurs in any other form of female life!_ + +In view of this fact, is it too much to raise the question whether or +not sex in woman is designed to fulfill any other purpose than that of +the reproduction of the race? True it is, that the _only_ function +of sex in all other females is merely that of producing offspring--of +perpetuating its kind. Under no circumstances does it _ever_ serve +_any_ other end, fulfill any other design. _There is no possibility of +its doing so_! + +But one can help wondering if it is not true that, with the existence +of the _possibility_ of engaging in coitus _at will_, rather than +at the bidding of _instinct_ alone, there has also come a _new_ and +_added_ function for the sex-natures that are capable of engaging +in such before-unknown experiences? To a fair-minded person, such +conclusion seems not only logical, but irresistible! That is in view +of this conclusion, it naturally follows that sex in the human family +is _positively designed to fulfill a function that is entirely unknown +to all other forms of animal life_. And from this, it is but a step to +the establishment of the fact that _sex exercise in the human family +serves a purpose other than that of reproduction_! + +Now, this fact established, a whole world of new issues arises and +demands settlement. Among these, comes the supreme question: _What is +the nature of this new experience that has been conferred upon human +beings, over and above what is vouchsafed to any other form of animal +life? What purpose can it serve? How can it be properly exercised? +What is right and what is wrong under these new possibilities_? These +are some of the issues that _force_ themselves upon all thoughtful +people, _those who wish to do right under any and all circumstances in +which they are placed_. + +Of course, here as elsewhere, the unthinking, the happy-go-lucky and +the "don't-give-a-damn," can blunder along in almost any-old-way. +But they can, and will, reap only the reward which always follows +blundering and ignorance. In these days of scientific clear-thinking, +we have come to understand that _salvation from sin comes by the way +of positive knowledge and not at the hands of either ignorance +or innocence_! If husbands and wives ever attain to the highest +conditions of married life, it can only be after they _know and +practice, what is right in all their sex relations, both for +reproductive purposes and in all other respects! Note that well_! + +As things are now, especially in all civilized countries, and +particularly among Christian people, this _secondary_ function of sex +in the human family, while blindly recognized as a fact, is none the +less abused, to a most shameful degree. For ages, the whole situation +has been left in a condition of most deplorable, not to say damnable, +ignorance; and no honest endeavor has been made to find out and act +up to the truth in the premises. Husbands and wives have engaged in +coitus _ad libitum_, utterly regardless of whether it was right +or wrong for them to do so! They have taken it for granted that +_marriage_ conferred on them the _right_ to have sexual intercourse +whenever they chose, (especially when the man chose,) and they have +acted accordingly. This is especially true of men, and the practice +has been carried to such length that the right of a man to engage in +coitus with his wife _has been established by law_, and the wife who +refuses to yield this "right" to her husband can be divorced by him, +if she persists in such way of living! It is such a fact as this which +caused Mr. Bernard Shaw to write: "Marriage is the most licentious +institution in all the world." And he might rightfully have added "it +is also the most brutal," though it is an insult to the brute to say +it that way, for brutes are never guilty of _coitus under compulsion. +But a husband can force his wife to submit to his sexual embraces, and +she has no legal right to say him nay!_ This doesn't seem quite right, +does it? + +Now there are several different ways of viewing this new and added +sexual possibility in the human family, namely, the act of coitus for +other than reproductive purposes. The Catholic church has _always_ +counted it as a sin. Popes have issued edicts regarding it, and +conclaves of Bishops have discussed it and passed resolutions +regarding it. There has always been a difference of opinion upon the +subject amongst these dignitaries and authorities, but they all +agree in one respect, namely, that it is a _sin_. The only point of +difference has been as to the extent or enormity of the sin! By some +it has been reckoned as a "deadly sin," punishable by eternal hell +fire, if not duly absolved before death; by others it has been held +to be only a "venial sin," one that must always be confessed to the +priest when coitus is engaged in, and which can be pardoned by the +practice of due penance. _But, always, it was a sin_! + +The Protestant church has never issued edicts regarding this matter, +but, for the most part, it has tacitly held to the Catholic teaching +in _theory_, while universally _practicing_ the reverse, in actual +married life. Protestants have looked upon it as a necessity, but have +taught that it was _regrettable_ that such was the case. They have +held, with Paul, that, "it is better to marry than to burn." And most +of them have chosen the marriage horn of the dilemma. + +Among some European nations, attempts have been made to make it +impossible for husbands and wives to cohabit except for reproductive +purposes. In one of these nations, padlocks were used for preventing +the act. A slit was made through the foreskin of the penis, and +through this slit the ring of a padlock was passed, much as an +ear-ring is passed through the lobe of a lady's ear. The padlock +was made so large that it could not be introduced into the vaginal +passage, and so coitus was impossible when it was worn. It could only +be removed by the magistrate into whose hands the regulation of this +part of the citizens' life was given. Specimens of these padlocks are +still to be seen in European museums. + +Now the terribly immoral thing in all this way of living has always +been the fact that it _compelled_ people to continually _violate their +consciences_, by _pretending_ to _believe_ one thing and constantly +_practicing_ the reverse of their proclaimed belief. That is, it lured +them into _living a continual lie, and such can never be for the good +of the soul_! It goes without saying that the sooner this abominable +way of living can be ended, the better it will be for all parties +concerned--the individuals who are the victims of such falsehood, and +the communities of which they form a part. + +From all this it follows that the first thing every new husband and +wife _ought_ to do is to _settle clearly in their own minds the issue +as to whether it is right or wrong for them to engage in coitus for +any other than procreative purposes_. Having settled this point, one +way or the other, then _let them conscientiously act accordingly. For +only so can they live righteous lives_! + +In settling this point, so far as available authorities for the young +people to study and consider are concerned, these are all _against_ +coitus except for begetting of off-spring. All the "purity" writers +and Purity Societies are ranged together on the negative side. +Likewise are all the books of "advice to young wives and husbands," +especially those addressed to young _wives_. + +Now all these "authorities" base their whole argument upon the purely +_animal_ facts in the premises. Probably a certain Dr. C. is more +largely read for information on these matters than any other author, +especially among young women. He has written a large, and from +the view-point he takes, a very plausible volume; and it is very +extensively advertised, especially in papers which young women read. +The result is that it has come to be almost a standard authority in +these affairs. + +Dr. C.'s argument is, baldly, as follows:--(a) Among animals, the +universal practice is a single act of coitus for each begetting of +off-spring, (b) Human beings are animals, (c) Therefore, human beings +should only engage in coitus for reproductive purposes. + +To this syllogism he adds a corollary, which is, that, therefore, all +sexual commerce in the human family, for any other than reproductive +purposes, is _wrong._ These are his texts, so to speak, and through +several hundred pages he preaches, _don't, don't, don't,_ sermons. The +entire volume is one of denial and prohibition. He proclaims the act, +even for the one purpose he allows to be right, as low, and in itself +degrading, to be engaged in only after "prayer and fasting" and +"mortifying the flesh," and even then, in the most passionless, and +only done-because-it-has-to-be manner; as a mere matter of duty; to be +permitted by sufferance; joyless, disgusting in itself; a something +to be avoided, even in thought, other than it is a necessity for the +continuance of the race. + +_It is from such data as this that thousands of "innocent" brides +annually make up their minds as to what is right or wrong in the +matter of sexual intercourse._ + +In doing this, most of these young women are perfectly conscientious, +and want to do the right thing, and there are two items in the count +that naturally lead them to accept Dr. C.'s teachings as correct. The +first is, that it coincides with all they have ever heard about such +matters; the second, that the Doctor flavors all his text with a +religious quality, of the alleged most sacred sort. He instances +saintly women who have lived the most ascetic lives, and whose +religious status was achieved because, and by means of, their perfect +chastity. In fact, this word "chastity" (which he translates as entire +renunciation of the whole sex nature) becomes the test word of his +whole treatise, and its practice is upheld as the true road to all +goodness and virtue. + +Now, nearly all well-bred and cultivated young women are naturally +religious (and not a word should be said against their being so) and +they are anxious to time their lives to everything that the highest +religious demands prescribe. It is, therefore, most natural that, +being thus taught by an authority for which they have the highest +regard, they enter marriage with the _fixed opinion_ in accordance +with their teaching. How could it be otherwise? + +On the other hand, a few young husbands, indeed none but now and then +a "goody-good" (who usually turns out to be the worst of the whole +lot, in course of time), are willing to "stand for" any such theory, +much less to live any such life as this theory would impose. These +"don't care what the book says," and, from the manner of their +bringing up, from all they have learned or heard by hearing _men_ talk +about married life, (which is usually of the most vulgar sort) they +have come to the conclusion that marriage confers upon the parties the +_right_ to engage in sexual commerce at will; and, especially, that +the husband has the _right_ to the body of his wife _whenever he +chooses_. For, indeed, does not the law give him that right! And so +long as one "keeps inside the law" what more could be asked! Yea, +verily! What more could be asked? + +So it is that _most brides and bridegrooms go to their marriage bed +with the most widely diverse views as to what is right and wrong in +the premises_--as to the life they will lead in their new estate. The +young wife is for "purity" and "chastity." The young husband, driven +by a passion which he has long held in thrall, in the belief that he +can now give the fullest vent to it, when he has got where such relief +is possible, is like an excited hound when it seizes its prey, which +he fully believes he has the right to deal with as he pleases! What +wonder that, in view of all these circumstances, the most extensive +observer of marriage-bed phenomena should write: "_As a matter of +fact, nine young husbands in ten practically rape their brides at +their first sexual meeting." Could anything be more horrible, or +criminally wicked_? And it is all so needless! It is all the result of +ignorance, of "innocence," and the worst of false teaching. The pity +of it! + +True, these unfortunate conditions are often modified by "mother +nature," who inspires the bride with curiosity, which, in a measure, +controls her in spite of her false teachings, and with passion, which, +to a degree, will assert itself over and above all false modesty, her +religious scruples and her fear of pregnancy; and so she _may_ come +through the ordeal of introduction to the act of coitus in a fairly +sane condition of mind, even though she may have practically been +_raped_! But, too often, the result of such first contact is _a shock +to the bride from which she may not recover during all the subsequent +years of married life_! And "here is where the trouble lies," for +untold thousands of married men and women, all over the civilized +world, to-day. And it might all be so different! It ought, _in every +case_, to be all so different! But if it ever does become different, +_knowledge_ has got to take the place of "_innocence"_ on the part of +the _bride_, and of _ignorance_ on the part of the _bridegroom_, both +of whom must be _taught_ to "_Know what they are about_" before they +engage in the sexual act, and be able to meet each other sanely, +_righteously, lovingly,_ because they both _desire_ what each has to +give to the other; in a way in which neither claims any _rights_, or +makes any _demands_ of the other--in a word, in _perfect concord_ +of agreement and action, of which mutual love is the inspirer, and +_definite knowledge_ the directive agent. + +Such a first meeting of bride and bridegroom will be no raping affair. +There will be no shock in it, no dread, no shame or thought of shame; +but as perfectly as two drops of water flow together and become one, +the bodies and souls of the parties to the act will mingle in a unity +the most perfect and blissful that can ever be experienced by human +beings in this world. This is no dream! It is a most blessed reality, +which all normally made husbands and wives can attain to, if only they +are properly _taught and educated_, if only they will learn how to +reach such blissful condition. + +However, such greatly desired status is not to be had for the asking +merely. _Instinct can never bring it about; "innocence"_ will never +yield such a result; and _force_, or the declaration of a "_right_" +in the premises will forever banish it to the realm of the +never-to-be-realized. It can only come as a result of clear-headed +thinking, scientific investigation, honest study, wise and righteous +action under the given conditions; and, above all, _a love, each for +the other, that knows no bounds_. All these things _must_ obtain, +_on the part of both parties concerned_, or the desired results can +_never_ be attained. + +Having said which, here shall follow some suggestions as to how such +estate may be reached by the readers of these pages. + +But first, let us finish Dr. C., and all of his tribe--banish them from +all our reckoning in these matters, forever. + +As already shown, this argument has not a leg to stand on. These +writers treat the whole situation as though men and women were _mere +animals! Men and women are far more than mere animals, and God hath +made them so_! And for these reasons we will have respect for men and +women as _God has made them_, rather than as Dr. C. and the "purity +leagues" say God _should_ have made them! + +As a matter of fact, the secondary function of sex in the human family +is something _far above_ mere animality; it is something that mere +animals know nothing about, that they can never experience, or in any +way attain to, and these _fundamental differences_ in the premises +remove the whole issue from the realm of comparison with any forms or +functions of mere animal life. As well reason that animals never eat +cooked food, and so men ought never to eat cooked food (and there are +some people who do so reason, strange to say) or that animals do +not wear clothes, and so men ought not to wear clothes--as well make +these, or a score more of comparisons, between the human race and mere +animals, as to try to compare them in the item of their sex functions. + +In only the single fact that, on the physical plane merely, coitus +for the purpose of procreation is common to all animal life, mankind +included, is there a point of comparison between humanity and the +brute creation. _Beyond that point there is nothing comparable between +the two_! As well say that because beasts can hear, therefore they +can comprehend and enjoy a Beethoven Sonata, or because they have eyes +they can delight in a picture by Corot! + +This is only another way of saying that sex has functions and uses in +the human family that are entirely apart from the possibilities of all +other animal life--functions as much above mere animality as music is +above mere physical hearing, as painting above mere physical sight. + +These facts forever upset and overthrow all the theories of Dr. C. and +Co., they entirely eliminate the whole bunch from any part or lot in +the issue on which they have essayed to speak with such authority, +but whose main point, whose essential elements they have _entirely +misunderstood_, and hence have treated in a way that is wholly at +variance with the truth in the premises, and it is the truth that we +are looking for. + +Once more (for it is well to go to the bottom of this matter while we +are about it) the honest truth is, that _it is the universal practice +of the human race for men and women to cohabit for other purposes than +reproduction, and it has always been so_, since men and women were men +and women! It is true among the most savage and barbarous tribes of +the earth, and it is more emphatically true of the highly civilized +people in all lands and climes. And is it reasonable to suppose that +such a universal phenomenon should _not_ have been intended to be as +it is! As well say that appetite for food is a mistake, one that ought +to be eliminated! + +Again, the experiences of men and women, all over the world, prove +that, where this act is engaged in properly, according to the laws +that obtain in the premises, _it conduces to the highest physical, +mental, and spiritual well-being of the parties concerned_. Indeed, it +is beyond doubt true that the men and women who have never known this +most perfect of all human experiences, have never reached the summit +of human attainment, have never arrived at the perfection of manhood +and womanhood. Length of life, health of the highest sort, and +happiness, the most delectable--all come, these and more, to men and +women by this route, _if it is rightly traveled_. Hell and damnation +result if that road is wrongly trod! + +And that's what makes the manner of traveling it so important. + + + + +VI + +THE ACT OF COITUS + + +Strictly speaking, the act of coitus should be considered as composed +of four parts, or acts, of one common play, or drama. Not that there +is a sharp line of demarcation between each act or part, for the +_four_ really blend into _one_ composite whole, when taken together, +seriatim; but there are _four phases_ of the act which may well be +studied separately, in making a detailed review of a sexual meeting of +a man and a woman. + +These four parts are: _first_, the preparation for the act; _second_, +the _union_ of the organs; _third_, the motion of the organs; +_fourth_, the orgasm. + +In what immediately follows, these _four_ stages of the act of coitus +will be studied and traced in detail, with the utmost care, in the +hope that such pursuit may result in the best possible good to the +student. + +Regarding the _first_ part of the act, let it be said that here, above +all other situations in the world "_haste makes waste_." _Put that +down as the most fundamental fact in this whole affair!_ Right here is +where ninety-nine one-hundredths of all the troubles of married life +begin! And the fault, right here, is usually (though not always) with +the husband! But he doesn't mean to be bad. Not once in a thousand +times does he deliberately purpose to do wrong. He is simply the +victim of undirected and ungoverned passion, and of an _ignorance_ +which results in stupid blundering, or carelessness, or +thoughtlessness. What such a husband practically does is to rush +blindly and furiously along a way he knows nothing of, but which he +has been led to think he has a _right_ to travel _when and how he +will_! The ordinary figure of a "bull in a china shop" can but faintly +describe the smashing and grinding to powder of the most delicate +situation that can occur in all human experiences, that result from +such action as this. Ideals that have touched heaven are tumbled from +their lofty places and ruthlessly crushed to atoms; hopes that were +beyond the power of words to express go out in despair; dreams become +a hideous nightmare; and love, which was as pure as crystal waters, is +muddied, befouled, and made into a cesspool! _And all this because of +ignorance_ or careless hurrying, of making haste where the utmost of +time, caution and intelligent care should have obtained! + +As has already been explained, when the act of coitus is to be +engaged in, the sex organs of both the man and the woman undergo great +changes. Blood rushes to all these parts, in copious quantities, +till they become gorged. The result is that the penis is enlarged to +several times its dormant size, and the vulva and vagina should, +and will, under right conditions, undergo similar changes and +transformation. + +_But there is usually a great difference in the length of time it +takes for these changes to take place in men and women_. On the part +of the man, as soon as his passion is aroused to any considerable +extent, the penis at once makes itself ready for action. It +"tumesces," or swells itself hard, almost instantly; and, so far as +its mere physical stoutness is concerned, is as ready to enter the +vagina then as ever, even if it has to force itself in. + +On the other hand, the tumescence of the parts in women is usually, +(especially as girls are reared) not infrequently, a matter of +considerable time, not infrequently several minutes, and now and then, +of _half-an-hour or more_! This is not always so, for in some very +passionate women they are ready for action almost instantly. Indeed, +there are some women whose sex organs tumesce if they (the women) even +touch a man--any man--and occasionally a case occurs where a woman +will experience an orgasm if her clothing brushes against a man! Such +cases are, of course, abnormal. But, _for the most part_, it is true +that women are _much slower_ in making ready for the sexual act than +men are. + +Again, as the organs become ready for the act, nature has provided a +most wonderful means for bringing about their easy and happy union. +Both the male and female organs secrete and emit, or pour out, a sort +of lubricating fluid which covers and sometimes almost floods the +parts. This is a clear and limpid substance, that looks much like the +white of an egg, and is much like the saliva that is secreted in +the mouth, only it is a thicker substance. Chemically, it is almost +identical with saliva. That generated by the man is called "prostatic +flow;" that produced by the woman "pre-coital secretion." + +Now, if time is given for this fluid to be secreted and exuded, all +the parts become covered or saturated with it, and they are admirably +equipped for easy union. The glans penis is then covered with the +slippery fluid, and the vulva and all the walls of the vagina are +laved with the substance. At the same time, the vaginal walls have +widened and grown soft, and all the parts of the vulva (which are yet +to be named and described in detail) are in like condition. The result +is that, though the penis be what might at first seem of such size as +to make its entrance into the vagina impossible, as a matter of fact, +such entrance is perfectly easy, when the parts are fully ready to be +joined. _But not before or otherwise!_ + +So here is where the trouble comes. If the husband is in haste, if he +does not wait for the wife to become ready to meet him; if he forces +his large, hard penis into the vagina before either is fully ready +for such union--when there is no prostatic fluid on its glans, and the +vagina is shrunken and its walls are dry--if coitus is engaged in in +this way, it is perfectly easy to see that _only disaster can result_! +The woman is hurt, sometimes most cruelly, and the man in reality gets +only a beastly gratification from the act. _Of all bad things in all +the world, such manner of coition is the worst_! + +And so, in this _first_ part of the act, the one foremost thought to +remember and observe is, _take plenty of time!_ + +There is another reason why, on the part of woman, this time should +be extended, especially when she is a bride and inexperienced in these +matters, and that is, that her "innocence," and all her education, +make her feel that she is _doing wrong_, or at least permitting a +wrong thing to be done, and this holds back the proper growth of her +passion, hinders the tumescence of her sex organs, delays the flow +of the precoital secretion, and so keeps her from becoming properly +prepared for her share of the mutual act. + +Again, her fear of pregnancy may still further retard her coming into +a proper condition. Indeed, this last is the almost common cause for +her failing to be in readiness for meeting her husband. All of +which items must be taken into account by both husband and wife, +and intelligently, lovingly dealt with, if the best results for both +parties are attained. + +As regards the item of possible pregnancy, special note will be made +of this feature later on. It is here placed in abeyance for the time +being, because its consideration can be better provided for after some +other points have been studied. + +Now the one easily understood (and as easily practiced as understood) +direction as to what to do by way of preparation for the act of coitus +is: _do as lovers do when they are "courting."_ And everybody knows +what that is! And note this--that _nobody ever hurries when they are +courting!_ They delay, they protract, they dilly-dally, they "fool +around," they pet each other in all sorts of possible and impossible +ways. They kiss each other--"long and passionate kisses, they again +and again give and receive"--they hug each other, nestle into each +other's arms--in a word, they "play together" in a thousand-and-one +ways which the "goody-goods" declare to be wrong, and the cold-blooded +call nonsense or foolishness, but which all _lovers_ know is an +_unspeakable delight_ ("unspeakable" is the word, for who wants to +_talk_ when these blissful experiences are going on!). + +Now, these things, and the likes of these things, in limitless supply, +should always precede the act of coitus. It is right there that this +part of the first act of this wonderful four-act drama or play should +be wrought out, and if they are omitted or disregarded, the play +will end in _tragedy, with all the leading actors left dead upon the +stage_! + +Now the chief, if not the only, reason why this part of the supreme +act of married life is not always preluded in this way is found in +the _false view_ of what the _marriage ceremony means_, and a wrong +impression as to what it confers upon the parties who say "yes" to +its prescriptions. That is, the common idea is, that the taking of +"marriage vows" bestows certain _rights_ and imposes certain _duties_ +upon the new husband and wife. It is thought that such ceremony makes +certain acts _right_ which would _otherwise_ be _wrong_, and that it +establishes the _right_ to engage in such acts, _with or without any +further consultation or consent in the premises_. It makes love a +matter of _contract_, a something _bound by promise and pledge rather +than a free and unfettered effusion of the soul_. + +The result of this is that, whereas, before the marriage ceremony both +the man and woman take the utmost care to do everything in their power +to increase, magnify, and retain each other's love, after they +have been granted a "license," and the minister has put their hands +together and prayed over them--after this, they both think they have +a "_cinch_" on each other, that they are bound together by a bond that +cannot be broken, a tie so strong that it will need no further looking +after, but which will "stay put" of its own accord, and which +may therefore be let to shift for itself from the hour of its +pronouncement! Nothing _could be further from the truth than this is_. +And yet it is a common feeling and belief among young married people! + +Nor is it any wonder that this should be so. The very form of the +marriage ceremony and contract tends to make it so. The fact that +marriage originated as a form of slavery, and that much of its +original status yet remains--all these things tend to establish these +wrong ideas regarding the estate, in the minds of the parties to it. + +Nor are the evils that come from such wrong view of marriage all +confined to one side of the house. On the contrary, they are +about evenly divided between husbands and wives, witness a few +illustrations, as follows: + +A couple had been married about a year. They had no children, nor +were there prospects of any. The husband was beginning to spend his +evenings away from home, leaving his wife alone. One evening, as he +was making ready to go out, his wife said: "What makes you go out +evenings now, and leave me alone! You didn't use to do it!" And the +husband replied: + +"Why, you don't do anything to make it interesting for me now! You +used to put on your prettiest clothes when I came to see you, fixed +up your hair bewitchingly, had a smile for me that wouldn't come off, +would sing for me, read to me, sit on my lap and pet me and kiss me, +and now you never do anything of the kind." And before he could say +more, the wife responded: "_Oh, but we are married now, and it's your +duty to stay with me!_" + +What wonder that the husband went out of the house, slamming the door +after him! The wonder is that he ever came back. + +Again: A woman who was a graduate of a famous Eastern College and +who had taught for a number of years, who was from one of the "first +families" in the east, and was counted as a lady of the highest +culture and refinement, finally married a Western business man. On +their bridal night, as they were retiring, the man laid his hand on +the woman's bare shoulder, and she threw it off, and said: "Don't +be disgusting! I married you because I was tired of taking care of +myself, or of having my relatives take care of me. You are worth fifty +thousand dollars, and one-third of all that was made mine just as soon +as the preacher got through his closing prayer, and you can't help +it! That's the truth, and we are married, and you can make the best of +it!" + +These are both truthful tales, nor are they the only ones of the sort +that could be told. + +On the other hand, these are matched with acts of ignorant and +careless young husbands, who do dastardly deeds to their brides +because they think _the law_ and the _contract_ give them the right! +There is no need to go into details. The whole evil is revealed by the +words of the woman just quoted: "_Oh, but we are married now_." + +These records, and all like them, lead to the remark that _marriage +confers no rights, to either the bride or the bridegroom, in the +highest meaning of the word_. So far as its outward and formal +observance is concerned, marriage is merely a sort of protection for +society which has grown up through the years, and which is probably +for the best, for the present, things being as they are. But it should +be well understood that it can _never_ lead to _true happiness_ if it +is viewed and utilized _merely_ on its _legal and formal side. True +marriage is based on mutual love; and mutual love can never be traded +upon, or made an item of formal agreement and contract._ People may +contract to live together and to cohabit, and they may faithfully +carry out their agreements; _but this is not marriage_! It is simply +_legalized prostitution, bargain and sale, for a consideration. It is +blasphemy to call it by the sacred name of marriage!_ + +Truly does Tennyson say: "Free love will not be bound." Indeed it +cannot be! It must remain forever free if it stays at all. And if the +parties to it try to bind it, the more chains, fastenings, pledges +and agreements they put upon it, the sooner and quicker will it escape +from all its holdings and fly away and _stay away_! + +And so, to come back to where we left off (for we said there should be +no hurrying or haste here) let married people understand that the key +to married happiness is _to keep on "courting" each other_. Indeed, +to make courting continually grow to more and more. During the whole +extent of married life, never neglect, much less forget to be lovers, +and to show, _by all your acts_, that you are lovers, and great shall +be your reward. Don't ask how to do this! You know how, well enough. +Do it! + +And be careful _not_ to do anything that a careful lover ought not +to do! This direction should be heeded by both husband and wife. Make +yourself beautiful for your husband, Oh, wife, and keep yourself so. +As between the public, or your friends, or society, give them what of +yourself you can spare, after you have given to your lover all that +you can bestow upon him, or he can wish you to bestow. Don't give +to everybody and everything else, church, society, work, children, +friends, or what-so-ever--don't give _all_ of yourself to these, and +let your husband "take what there is left." Don't do that, as you +value your married success and happiness! Don't say: "Oh, but we are +married now," and let it go at that! + +The beautiful and delicate flowers of married love need to be watched +and tended with the most skilful care, _continually_, by both husband +and wife. Treated in this way, they will not only be fragrant and +lovely through all the years of wedded life; but as, one by one, the +blossoms shed their petals and change their forms so that luscious +fruits may come in turn--as these changes take place, new, more +beautiful and more fragrant flowers will continue to the very end of +the longest married life. Don't ever forget this, or doubt it, as you +hope for happiness in the marriage state! Mind what is here said, and +act accordingly _all the time_--days, nights and Sundays. + +Now if these truths are thoroughly inculcated, "kicked in" so firmly +and deeply that they will never "jar loose" or get away, we will move +on. + +So, then, the _first_ part of _every_ act of coitus should always be a +_courting_ act, in which there should be _no haste_, but in which the +parties should "_make delays_," as John Burroughs says. + +And this should be added: that, for married lovers, courting has a far +wider range of possibilities than it has for the unmarried. Previous +to marriage, there are conventionalities and clothes in the way! After +that, neither of these need be in evidence, and this makes a lot of +difference, and all in favor of the best results, if rightly used, +and made the most of. One hardly need to go into details here, (though +this may be done later on in this writing). If the lovers will be as +free with each other unclothed as clothed; if they will utterly ignore +all conventionalities, and do with and for each other anything and +everything that their _impulses_ and _inclinations_ suggest, or +their desires prompt; if they will, _with the utmost abandon_ give +themselves up to petting each other in every possible way that _mother +nature_ has put within their reach; if they will hug and kiss and +"spoon" and "play with each other" just as they want to do--if they +will do this, and not _hurry_ about it--then, in due course, they +will successfully execute the _first act_ of the great play they are +performing; the sex organs will become fully ready for the union they +are both longing for; the "prostate flow" will have added to the erect +condition of the penis; the walls of the vagina and all the area +of the vulva will be enlarged, soft, flexible and made smooth and +slippery by a most generous supply of the "pre-coital secretion" and +everything will be in _perfect readiness_ for the next part of the +performance, namely the union of the organs. + +And here it becomes necessary to say something about the position of +the parties in making such union. There are a large number of these +possible, some of which may be noted later, but here, only the most +common one will be considered (it is said there are more than forty +different positions possible in this act). + +The most common position is for the woman to lie flat on her back, +with her legs spread wide apart, and her knees drawn up so that the +angle made by the upper and lower part of the leg shall be less than +a right angle. Her head should not be too high, there should be no +pillow under it. + +Into her arms, and between her spread legs as she lies thus, her lover +should come. His body will thus be over and above her, and _he should +sustain himself on his elbows and knees_, so that little or _none_ of +his weight may rest upon her. In this position, face to face (and +it should be noted that only in the human family is this position of +coitus possible! Among mere animals, the male is always upon the back +of the female. They--mere animals--can never look each other in the +eye and kiss each other during the act! This is another marked and +very significant difference between human beings and all other animals +in this regard) it is perfectly natural and easy for the organs to +go together, when properly made ready, as here-before described. The +woman should also place her heels in the knee-hollows of her lover's +legs, and clasp his body with her arms. + +The entrance of the penis into the vagina should not be too abrupt, +unless circumstances are perfectly favorable for such meeting and it +is _the wish of the wife_ that it be made in this way. It is only +fair to say, though, that such bold and pronounced entrance is often +_greatly desired by the woman_, if her passion has been fully aroused +at this stage of the act. Such union is not infrequently of the +greatest delight to her, if everything is favorable for its being +so made. But, if there is any pain produced in her by the coming +together, the meeting should be gentle and slow, the penis working its +way into the vagina by degrees, till, finally, it is entirely encased +therein. Once thus happily together, the vagina and uterine cavity +will still further expand, till, in due order, the two organs will be +fitted together perfectly, a single unit, _one_, in the highest sense +of unity. + +This is the _second_ act in this wonderful play. + +Once well together, and the organs perfectly settled and adapted +to each other, the _third_ act begins, namely, _the motion of the +organs_--the sliding of the penis back and forth, partly in and out of +the vagina, though this is not really the best way of describing just +what should take place. What _should_ actually be done is, that the +_two_ organs should engage in this motion, which is _common to them +both_. They should _mutually_ slip a few inches, back and forth, _each +party to the motion doing a fair half_. + +It is often supposed, by both an uninitiated husband and an "innocent" +wife, that all the motion should originate with the husband--that +he should slide his penis in and out of the vagina, while the woman +should lie still and "_let him do it all_." This is, however, a +_great_ mistake, and one that has caused an endless amount of ill to +untold numbers of husbands and wives. And for the following reasons: + +In the position just described, if the wife has her arms around her +lover's body and her heels in his knee-pockets, while he supports +himself by his elbows and knees over and above her, resting _none_ of +his weight upon her, it is perfectly easy for her to lift her hips up +and down, or sway them from side to side, or swing them in a circling +"round-and-round" motion, as she may choose to do. She can thus +_originate_ her half of the in-and-out motion--a something she will +delight to do, _if given a fair chance._ If, however, the man lies +heavily upon her, holding her down with the weight of his body, the +possibility of such action on her part is prevented, and this results +disastrously to both parties. And so, in this part of the act, the +husband should take the _utmost care_ to give his wife the _full and +complete freedom_ to move her hips as she chooses, and as a successful +climax demands that she should. + +Now if the wife be left free to move, as just described, and the +in-and-out motion proceeds as it should, what immediately follows will +vary in a great degree. Thus, the time taken to reach the climax, or +last act of the performance, may be a few seconds, or several minutes, +may require a mere half dozen motions, or _several hundred!_ All +depends on the intensity of the passions of the husband and wife, +especially the latter, and their skill in manipulating this part of +the act. + +The effect of this motion is to still further excite and still more +distend all the organs involved. Normally, the motion grows faster and +faster, the strokes becoming as long as the length of the organs will +possibly permit without separating them. The flow of the lubricating +fluids, from both organs, becomes more and more copious, till, all at +once, the orgasm, or _fourth stage_, is reached! + +It is difficult to describe what this orgasm is like. There is no +bodily sensation that at all corresponds to it, unless it be a sneeze, +and this is only like it in that it is spontaneous, and a sort of +nervous spasm (a sneeze is sometimes spoken of as an orgasm). A sexual +orgasm is a nervous spasm, or a series of pulsating nervous explosions +which defy description. The action is entirely beyond the control of +the will, when it finally arrives, and the sensation it produces is +delectable beyond telling. It is the topmost pinnacle of all human +experiences. For a husband and wife to reach this climax, at exactly +the same instant, is a consummation that can never be excelled in +human life. It is a goal worthy the endeavor of all husbands and +wives, to attain to this supreme height of sexual possibilities. + +On the part of the man, the orgasm throws the semen into, and all +about the vaginal-uterine tract. The amount of semen thus discharged +at a single climax is about a tablespoonful, enough to entirely flush +and flood the area into which it is thrown. Its use and action there +have already been described, and so need not be repeated here. + +On the part of the woman, the orgasm causes no corresponding emission +of fluid, of any sort, that is jetted forth as is the semen. Yet the +spasmodic action of the sexual parts, so far as nervous explosions are +concerned, is exactly like that of her partner. Palpitation follows +palpitation, through all the sexual area; the mouth of the womb opens +and closes convulsively, the vagina dilates and contracts again and +again, and the vulva undergoes similar actions. The sensations are +all of the most delectable nature, the whole of the woman's body being +thrilled, over and over, again and again, with delights inexpressible. +This, however, seems to be the entire mission of the orgasm in woman. +_It has nothing whatever to do with conception_; though many people, +especially young husbands who know just a little about the phenomenon, +believe that it is an _essential_ to pregnancy. _But such is by no +means the case._ All that is needed to bring about conception in a +woman is the presence of the ovum in the uterus, and its meeting semen +there, and so becoming fertilized. So far as becoming pregnant is +concerned, the _woman_ need have _no pleasure at all_ in the act of +coitus. Indeed, women have been made pregnant by securing fresh semen +from some man and injecting it into the vagina with an ordinary female +syringe! + +The false idea, which largely prevails, and which usually takes the +form that there is no danger or possibility of conception unless the +orgasm is _simultaneous on the part of the man and woman_, has caused +many a woman to become pregnant when she thought such a result to +be impossible, because she and her lover did not "spend" at the same +instant. For the same reason, many a young husband has impregnated his +wife when he least expected to do so, thinking that because he alone +experienced the orgasm, that therefore conception was impossible. + +Again, there are many married men and women who do not know that it is +possible for a woman to experience an orgasm at all! The writer once +knew a case of this kind, where a husband and wife, most intelligent +and well cultivated people, lived together for twenty years, and to +whom were born six children, who, at the end of that time were +wholly unaware of such possibility! They afterwards discovered it by +accident, as it were, and after that enjoyed its delights for many +years. There are some, yea, many, women who never experience this +sensation at all, but of this more will be said later. + +All these phenomena seem to indicate the fact that, so far as women +are concerned, _the orgasm is entirely for her delectation and +delight. It forms no part of the act of conception_, and its only +possible function, beyond that of pleasure, is that, because of the +exceedingly delightful sensations it produces, it may lure women to +engage in coitus when, but for this fact, they would not do so, and +that it thus increases the possibility of women becoming mothers. +Indeed, there is no stronger temptation to a woman to run the risk of +becoming pregnant than her desire to experience an orgasm! But more of +this later. + +As soon as the orgasm is over, a total collapse of the husband and +wife takes place. They are truly "spent," a most expressive word, +which alone can describe their condition. On the part of the man +the up-to-this-moment stout penis, becomes almost instantly limp +and shrunken, while all the female organs become quiescent. A most +delightful languor steals over them; every nerve and fibre of the +whole body relaxes; and a desire to fall asleep at once, comes upon +them irresistibly. And the thing for them to do is to avail themselves +of such natural impulse, just as soon as possible. They should always +have at hand, and within easy reach, a towel, or napkin, with which +to care for the surplus of the seminal emission, which, as soon as the +organs are separated, will, in greater or less quantity, flow from the +vagina. Some of the same fluid will also remain upon the penis when +it is withdrawn. The husband should absorb this surplus which remains +with him with the towel, as soon as the organs are parted, and +immediately leave his super-imposed position, leaving his wife +_perfectly free_, to do as she will. She should arrange the towel +between her thighs, exactly as she would a sanitary napkin, making no +attempt to remove the surplus semen at that time, and turn over and go +to sleep _immediately_. (It is said that if the woman goes to sleep on +her _back_, after coition, she thereby increases the _probability_, +of becoming pregnant. This is a point that women who greatly desire +motherhood should note. The writer knew one case where a wife lay on +her back for twenty-four hours after coition and so became pregnant +after all other means had failed.) + +Now it might seem that such neglect, on the part of the woman, to +immediately remove the surplus semen, was uncleanly and unsanitary. +But this is not at all true, and for this reason: _The semen is a most +powerful stimulant to all the female sex-organs, and to the whole body +of the woman_. The organs themselves will absorb quantities of semen, +if left in contact with it, and it is most healthful and beneficial to +them, and to the woman, to have them do so. It is for this cause that +many women increase in flesh, and even grow fat after they are married +and so can avail themselves of this _healthful food._ As a matter +of fact, _there is no nerve-stimulant, or nerve-quieter, that is as +potent to woman-kind as semen_. There are multitudes of "nervous" +women, hysterical even, who are restored to health, and kept in good +health, through the stimulative effects of satisfactory coitus and the +absorption of semen, when both these items are present in perfection. +On the other hand, there are many women who suffer all sorts of ills, +when these normally beneficial factors are misused or wrongly applied. +The results that follow all depend upon the way the act is done, and +its products utilized. + +So, after the act of coition is over, let the woman slip a "bandage" +into place as soon as possible, and go to sleep. If she sleeps long, +so much the better, so much more will she be benefited by the presence +of the semen and its absorption. When she naturally wakens, she may +bathe the vulva region with warm water; but there is no need of, nor +is it wise to try to cleanse the vagina and the uterine tract by the +use of a vaginal syringe. Above all, never inject cold water into the +vagina, especially do not do this immediately after coitus. Some women +use a cold water injection immediately after coitus. There is no surer +way to ill health and ultimate suicide. The parts are congested with +blood at such times, and to pour _cold_ water upon them is as though, +when one is dripping with perspiration, he should plunge into a cold +bath. Nature has made wise provision for taking care of all the semen +that remains in the vagina. Let the parts alone, and they will cleanse +and care for themselves. + +Such, then, is a somewhat extended review of the act of coitus at its +best estate, and in a general way. _Its perfect accomplishment is an +art to be cultivated, and one in which expertness can only be attained +by wise observation, careful study of all the factors involved, and a +loving adaptation of the bodies, minds and souls of both the parties +to the act. It is no mere animal function._ It is a _union_, a _unity_ +of "two _souls_ with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as +one." There is nothing low or degrading about it, when it is what it +ought to be, when it is brought to, and experienced at, its highest +and best estate. It is _God-designed, God-born, God-bestowed!_ As such +it should be thankfully received and _divinely used_ by all the sons +and daughters of men. + + + + +VII + +THE FIRST UNION + + +And now, although so much has been said, there is much that remains to +be said, and which ought to be said, to do the subject justice. Some +of these things are as follows: + +Something more ought to be told about the second part of the act of +coitus, the union of the organs, when this occurs for the _first_ time +on the part of the woman. + +At the first meeting of the husband and wife, if the woman be a +virgin, there are certain conditions which exist, on her part, that +are not present in after-meetings, and these must be understood and +rightly dealt with, or the worst of bad results may ensue. + +Of course, at such first meeting, all the preliminaries prescribed as +forming the _first_ movement of the act should be carried out _to the +limit_. It is not too much to say that these should be prolonged for +_some days_! Do not start, young husband, at this statement! Well did +Alexander Dumas, père, write: "Oh, young husband, have a care in the +first overtures you make toward your bride! She may shrink from what +she feels must come; she may put her hands over her eyes to shut out +the sight; but do not forget that she is a woman, and so is filled +with _curiosity_, under any and all circumstances! And you may set it +down as sure, that, though she blinds herself with her hands as she +scales the dizzy heights you are leading her over, nevertheless, +_she will peek through her fingers!_ So she will watch you with most +critical eyes, and note every show of _selfishness or blundering on +your part! So have a care!_ You may think you are aiming your arrow +at the sun. See to it that it does not alight in the mud!" Good words +these, and to be heeded, come what may! + +As a rule, if the bride be a virgin, it is well to _let plenty of time +elapse before engaging in the full act of coitus!_ Delay here will +lead to a possible loving speed, later on. The young people should +take time enough to get better acquainted with each other than ever +before; to become, in a measure, accustomed to the uncovered presence +of each other, and to the new possibilities of "courting" and "playing +together" that their new conditions offer. In any case, full coitus +should not be attempted till the bride is at least _willing_. If +she can be brought to become _anxious_ for the meeting, so much the +better. + +And so, with plenty of time taken for making ready for the act, we +come to the first union of the organs for a newly married couple, the +bride being a virgin. And here is where an explanation is called for. + +The vulva, or external part of the female sex organs, is a mouth +shaped aperture, located laterally between the forward part of the +thighs. In shape, size and structure, it much resembles the external +parts of the mouth proper. It begins just in front of the anus, and +extends forward above the pubic bone and a little ways up the belly. +Its entire lateral length is about four or more inches. + +This organ is made up of several parts, as follows: The lips, or +labiae, as they are technically known, the clitoris, and the vaginal +opening. The lips are a double row, two on either side, and are known +as labiae major and labiae minor, that is, the thicker and thinner, or +larger and smaller lips. They extend almost the entire length of the +vulva, the outer lips folding over the inner ones when the thighs are +together. The outer parts of the larger lips are covered with hair. In +thickness and quality these labiae are much like the lips of the face +of each individual, a large mouth and thick lips indicate a large +vulva and thick labiae and vice-versa. The clitoris is a gland that +is located forward, on the upper part of the vulva. It corresponds, +almost exactly, in make-up and function, with the glans penis of the +male organ. The vaginal opening is at the rear, or lower part of the +vulva, and leads directly into the vagina proper. + +All these parts are composed of most keenly responsive nerves, and +they are covered with a thin, delicate and exceedingly sensitive +skin, almost exactly such as lines the cheeks and the mouth. Both the +clitoris and the lips are filled with expandable blood vessels, and +in a state of tumescence they are greatly enlarged by a flow of +blood into the parts. The clitoris, in this condition, undergoes an +enlargement, or "erection," which is exactly like that of the glans +penis. So much as to the physiology of this part of the female sex +organs, all of which should be well understood by every bride and +bridegroom, though often it is not. + +Now, in its virgin state, the vulva has another part, not yet named, +and this is the hymen, or "maiden-head" as it is commonly known. This +is a membrane that grows across the forward, or upper part of the +vaginal opening, and so _closes up_ nearly all that part of the +vulva. This hymen is not always present, however, even in a state of +undoubted virginity. Sometimes it is torn away in childhood by the +little girl's fingers, as she "plays with herself." Sometimes it +is ruptured by lifting, again it is broken away by the use of a +large-sized female syringe. _For all these reasons, it is not right to +conclude that a bride is not a virgin because the hymen is not present +and in evidence at the first coition._ + +Now many young husbands, and some young wives, are wholly ignorant of +the _existence_ of the hymen, and of the troubles it may cause at the +second part of the sexual act, in a first meeting. This membrane is +often quite tough and strong. It is grown fast to the lower part of +the clitoris and to the inside surfaces of the smaller lips, and +it covers so much of the vaginal opening that it is practically +impossible for the erect penis to enter the vagina so long as it +is present. Now if, under these conditions, the bride and groom +(especially the latter) are ignorant of the real construction of the +parts, and so should try to make a union of the organs, they would +find such union obstructed, if not impossible; and if the man, +puzzled, and impatient, and passion-driven, should _force_ a hasty +entrance into the vagina, rupturing the hymen ruthlessly, he would +hurt the woman cruelly, probably cause her to _bleed_ freely from the +wounded parts, and shock her seriously! All of which would be a score +against the husband, would brand him as a brute, or a bungler, and so +tend to make his "sun-aimed arrow alight in the mud." + +The thing to do here, is, first of all, to know the situation and to +talk it over, and carefully, delicately, do the best that can be done +about it. If the conditions are fully understood by the bride and +groom, they can, in almost every case, by working and moving together +carefully, overcome the obstacle, remove the hymen with little or no +pain or loss of blood. + +As a matter of fact, when the time for meeting comes, if all the facts +are known, and the husband will hold his erect penis still and steady +against the hymen, the bride will so press against it, and "wiggle +around" it, that _by her own motions_, she will break the membrane and +so be rid of it. She knows how much pain she can endure, and when the +pressure is too hard she can relieve it by her own action! Anyhow, +what is done _she does_ herself, and so can never charge up against +her husband! + +It is a rare case in which, by mutual willingness, and desire and +mutual effort to remove the obstruction, it cannot be eliminated +with satisfaction to both bride and groom. If, however, careful and +well-executed efforts fail to remove it, the services of a surgeon +should be procured, and he, by a very simple and almost painless +operation, can remove the difficulty. But never, _no never_, should +it be brutally torn away by the force of the husband, and without the +full willingness of the wife. _Mark this well_. As a matter of fact, +the wise and practical thing for every bride to do, would be to go to +a surgeon a few days before her wedding, and have him remove the hymen +for her. Such operation is nearly painless, and is very easily done. +Still, to do this might raise a doubt of virginity on the part of the +husband and so this is a point to be careful about! + +The act of removing the hymen is often spoken of as "defloration"--the +tearing to pieces of a flower. The term is not fortunate. Nothing +worth while has been taken away by removing the hymen, but much that +is useful has been acquired. An organ that has outlived whatever +usefulness it might once have had has been removed, and its going +has made possible new and beautiful uses in life. If this has been +accomplished by the mutual desire and effort of the bride and groom, +it is a cause for joy and not of sorrow; of delight and not of +mourning. As well weep over the removal of the vermiform appendix as +for the destruction of the hymen. + +With this obstacle rightly overcome, the second act of coitus offers +no situation that calls for further remark or explanation. + +And now a few words about the probabilities of conception resulting +from coitus, and some matters which are very closely related thereto. + +In the first place, every healthy and fairly-well-provided-for husband +and wife should desire to have children, and should act in accordance +with such wish. This is not only in harmony with the primary purpose +of sex in the human family, but it is a response to a natural demand +of the human soul, in both man and woman. As Bernard Shaw makes Jack +Tanner say: "There is a father-heart as well as a mother-heart" and +_parenthood is the supreme desire of all normal and wholesome-minded +men and women._ It is not an "instinct," but something far above that +quality. + +Parenthood among mere animals is the result of instinct, and of that +alone, but not so in the human race. Human beings naturally desire to +make a home for themselves, and a home, in the fullest meaning of that +word, means _children_ and a "family circle." This is something that +animals know nothing about. Animal mothers forget and ignore their +progeny as soon as they are weaned; and animal fathers will, in many +cases, kill them as soon as they are born, if they get a chance to +do so. These facts prove that parenthood, in the human family, is +something much more than in the rest of the animal kingdom. Indeed, +the whole matter of comparing this quality, as it exists in humanity, +with that of animals merely, is only a continuance of the similar +abomination of comparing the sex functions of these two forms of life. +In the real essentials of existence, they are in no way comparable; +and to make such is not only folly, but approaches the positively +criminal. The results of doing so certainly lead to crime. + +Fundamentally, then, nearly all men and women marry with the purpose +and hope of having a family of children. They may not put it that way, +may not even acknowledge it, even to each other or to themselves; but +if married people find that they _cannot_ produce, it is a source of +unspeakable regret to them both. In such cases, the inherent desire +for parenthood will "cry aloud and spare not." A "barren" woman +greatly mourns her inability, and will shed bitter tears over the +fact, if she be truly human; and an "impotent" man will be practically +despised by all who are aware of his incompetence. + +And yet, though all normal men and women desire to have children, +it is only right that they should desire to have them _as they want +them_, and _when_ they want them, and not _whenever they may happen +to come!_ That is, sensible and thoughtful people, who plan definitely +for the future, want to make the coming of children to them an affair +of _deliberate_ arrangement, and not of _chance_. + +This is not only as it should be, but is really the only right way +that children should be begotten and born. Which statement calls for +a few special words on the right of parents to regulate the production +of progeny. + +There is much talk, in some quarters, about "race suicide," and +the wickedness of deliberately limiting the number of children in a +family. Such talking and writing arouse anxious questionings in the +minds of conscientious young married men and women who are desiring to +do the right thing in the premises, but are uncertain as to what the +right thing is, and for such are the following words: + +Many years ago, an English philosopher and statesman, Malthus by name, +discovered and announced the fact that the rate of natural increase +in the human race was several times greater than that of the possible +rate of production of food supply for their support. Scientifically +phrased, his statement was that "the rate of increase in humanity +is in geometrical ratio, while the rate of increase of possible food +supply is in arithmetical ratio." And from this basis, he reasoned +that, unless the surplus of human production was in some way cut off +and destroyed, the whole human race would ultimately demand more food +supply than could possibly be produced; and so, in due course of time, +the whole race would perish from starvation! + +Then he proceeded to reason that the purpose of disease, plague, +pestilence, famine, poverty and warfare was to cut off and destroy +the _surplus_ of humanity, and hence all these alleged evils were +in reality blessings in disguise, and that _it would be wrong to +interfere_ with their really beneficent workings! Volumes could be +written, and they could not tell the half of the misery and evil that +the promulgation of this doctrine has done for the civilized world, +but there is no space here for giving any such details; nor need this +be done, though the statement of the doctrine had to be made to make +ready for what is to follow. + +Now, is it not far more reasonable to suppose that, _since the +possibility of determining the number of off-spring a husband and wife +may produce has been given them_; that since such result can be, for +them, made a matter of _choice_, of an _exercise of the will_, and +not of _blind instinct_--under these circumstances, all of which +undoubtedly exist, is it not far more reasonable to believe that it is +the _purpose of the Creator_ that the limiting of the number of human +beings in the world should be brought about by _curbing the birth +rate_, rather than by _killing the surplus_ after they are born! + +There can be but one answer made to this question, by any intelligent +man or woman. + +These facts, then, establish the _rightfulness of determining the +number and size of a family by every husband and wife_. But this does +not mean that they are to entirely refrain from cohabiting, in order +to keep from having children! This phase of the argument has already +been gone over and disposed of. But it _does_ mean that husbands and +wives have a right to use such rightful means for the limiting of the +number of offspring as are conducive to the interests of all parties +concerned--themselves, their circumstances, the born or unborn +children, the state, the nation. Let the bride and groom be well +convinced and established in their own minds on these points, as +early in their relation as possible. They should be so from the very +outset--_must_ be so, to reach the best results. + +The issue then presents itself: How can such deliberate and wilful +determination of the number of children a husband and wife may have, +be brought about? + +And the answer is, that _it can never be accomplished by careless and +hap-hazard cohabiting!_ On the contrary, it can only be compassed by +the most _careful_ and _watchful_ processes of engaging in coitus, and +by a _full knowledge_ of physiological facts, and by acting, _always_, +in accordance with the same. It is no road for careless travel, but it +is a way worth going in, for all that. + +On this point, let it be said that all sane and intelligent men and +women agree that anything even approaching _infanticide_ is nothing +short of a crime, and that abortion, except for the purpose of saving +the life of the mother, is practically murder. + +But, while this is all true, to prevent the contact of two germs +which, if permitted to unite, would be liable to result in a living +human form, is _quite another affair_. + +It is only this aspect of the situation which will be considered in +what follows. + +Now, as has already been shown, the essentials for conception consist +of having the ovum present in the womb, and its meeting the semen +there. The corollary of this is, that whenever these coincidences take +place, there is a _possibility_ for conception. + +But in all _normal_ cases, the ovum only passes into the womb once in +every twenty-eight days; and, as a rule, it only remains in the womb +for about half that period of time, that is, for about 14 or 15 days +in each month. And so, since the menstrual flow ceases after about +five days from its beginning, in about ten days _after_ its stopping, +the ovum will have passed out of the womb, and hence that organ +contains nothing that is impregnable. Under these conditions, semen +may be deposited in the womb, without danger of impregnation. This is +a simple proposition, and easy to understand if once known. + +However, it must be said that these _generally_ common conditions _do +not always obtain_--that is, they are _not_ true in the case of _all_ +women. There are women who will conceive at _any_ time in the month, +if they are given a chance to do so. The physiological reason for such +possibility is said to be this: There are always ova in the ovaries, +in varying stages of development. Ordinarily, only once a month do any +of these pass down into the womb; but, in exceptional cases, sometimes +these ova are so partially held in the ovaries that, under the +excitement of coitus, and because all these parts dilate so much +during the act, an ovum may slip its moorings, under such conditions, +pass down into the uterus at an untimely season, meet the semen there, +and pregnancy result. Such are the facts _in some cases_. + +How, then, can a husband and wife tell how it is, or will be, in +_their_ particular case? + +The answer is that they can only tell by trying, and that should be +done as follows: + +The _first_ sexual meeting of the bride and groom should _never_ take +place until at least _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow +in the bride! This is a rule that should never be violated_ if the +parties wish to "_test out_" the real condition as to whether or not +the bride has any "free time." The chances are several to one that she +_has_ such leeway; but the fact can only be established by "proving +up" and this can _never_ be done if any _chances_ are taken. Put this +down as rule number one. + +For this reason, it is well for the bride to fix the wedding day; and, +if possible, for her to locate it sometime during the probably immune +period. And the nearer she can bring this day to the _beginning_ of +such period of freedom from danger of pregnancy, the better. For, if +it should happen that the first coitus should take place only a +_day or two before_ the time when another "monthly" was due, such +excitement might hasten the passage of the nearly-ripe ovum into the +uterus, and conception might occur. In which case, "all the fat would +be in the fire," nothing would be proved, and the parties would be as +ignorant as ever regarding the facts in _their_ case. + +And so, the _first_ sexual meeting of a bride and bridegroom should be +not _earlier_ than _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow +and not later than three days before the next monthly is due. Put +that_ _down as rule number two, never to be violated._ + +And if marriage takes place before this period of probable immunity +on the part of the bride arrives, the only safe thing to do is to +"patiently wait" till such time arrives. This may "require fortitude" +on the part of both parties, but it is the only safe thing to do. And +to do just that, will amply repay such waiting. The writer knows of a +case where the wedding took place just three days before the bride's +next monthly was due, and she and her husband waited for more than +_two weeks_ before they met sexually! But it paid to wait, for their +doing so proved that the bride had _two weeks_ of "_free time_" in +_each month, and this was worth all it cost to find out! Take time!_ + +And now let it be added that it is a great accomplishment for a +husband and wife to be free from a fear of pregnancy as a result of +coitus. This is a thousand times truer for the woman than for the man, +for it is she who has to bear the burden of what follows, if following +there be. The husband can "do the deed" and go about his business. The +wife, if "the fertile seed" takes root, has before her months of care +and anxiety, and she risks her very life in what may come of it all. +For these reasons, she has a _right to dictate all the terms_ which +are liable to cause her to become a mother. _And yet she should +do this with full regard for the husband, in love, in true +wifely-womanhood._ On this point, do not fail to read "The Helpmate," +by May Sinclair. It is a story that no bride and bridegroom should +fail to read and study, carefully. + +The whole subject of how to engage in satisfactory coitus and avoid +pregnancy may be summed up as follows:--The attainment of such +a condition is well worth the most careful, earnest and honestly +pains-taking endeavor. For, if such status be not reached, its lack +will be a source of endless contentions and differences between the +husband and wife. It will lead to jealousies, quarrels, and all sorts +of marital woes. But, the situation once mastered, by the most loving +and accurate of scientific methods of procedure, a happy married life +is certain to result. Otherwise, the "married state" will always be +in a condition of "unstable equilibrium." So let every bride and +bridegroom begin, _from the first_, to try to establish the greatly to +be desired accomplishment. If anything further on this point should be +desired, consult a reliable physician. + + + + +VIII + +THE ART OF LOVE + + +And still there is more to be said! Is it not written that "Art is +long!" _And the Art of Love is the longest of all arts, and the most +difficult of all for its complete mastery and attainment!_ + +It is a matter of misfortune, and yet one of not infrequent +occurrence, that the sex organs of husband and wife are _not well +matched_; and that trouble, sometimes of a most serious nature, +results. When this condition is found to exist, it should be treated +sanely and wisely, and the chances are many to one that the difficulty +can be overcome, to the full satisfaction of both parties concerned. + +In such cases, the mis-matching usually arises from the fact that the +penis of the husband is too long for the vagina of the wife. This is +very apt to be the case where the wife is of the "dumpy" sort, with a +small mouth and short fingers, while the husband is "gangling," large +mouthed and long fingered. These are facts that ought to be taken +into account before marriage, and which should figure in determining +whether the parties are "suited" to each other. They _would_ be +regarded in this way, too, if they were generally known, as they most +surely are not. Here is another place where ignorance and "innocence" +get in their work, and make trouble in married life! + +In such a case as this, the too-long penis, when fully inserted in the +too-short vagina, and especially when, at the orgasm, the two organs +are crowded together vigorously, as the impulse of both parties +demands they should be at this part of the act, the end of the penis +is driven against the rear walls of the vagina, often furiously, thus +stretching and straining the vaginal passage longitudinally, pressing +against the womb unnaturally, and not infrequently pushing it out +of place and sometimes rupturing the uterine tract seriously, hence +causing all sorts of unfortunate and greatly-to-be-regretted results. + +Because of such danger, the first meeting of the husband and wife +should be accomplished with the utmost care, especially in the +_second_ part of the act, the first putting together of the organs. +This is the only way of determining, in each case, how the organs will +"fit," and happy are the parties thereto if such fit is found to be +perfect! + +But if it should turn out that there is a mismatching, of the nature +just described, the conditions can be adjusted if the right means are +used. + +(Before telling this, however, it should be stated that the relative +size of the sex organs can never be fully judged of by the size of the +body of a man or a woman. Many a small man has an abnormally large +and long penis, and many a little woman has a large vulva and a long +vagina; and the reverse of all this is true, in the case of many men +and women. These items in the count are among the things that can +never be known with certainty except by actual trial, and this is not +possible, as things are now.) + +And so, if "mis-matching" is found to exist, in any given case, it can +be provided for, in most cases as follows: + +Instead of taking the position for coitus which has already been +described--the woman on her back and the man over and above her--let +_this_ be done: Let the man lie on his left side, or partly on his +left side and partly on his back, facing the woman, his left leg drawn +up so that the thigh makes an angle of 45 degrees with the body, and +the knee bent at about the same angle. Now let her, lying on her right +side, mount into his arms, in this way: Let her place her right hip in +the angle made by her husband's left thigh and his body, so that _his +left leg_ supports _her hips_, by being under them; put her right leg +between his legs, throw her left leg over his right leg, put her right +arm around his neck, and her left arm should be placed across his body +under his right arm. His left arm should be placed around her waist +from below, and his right arm left free to move over her body, as +he may choose. Now in _this_ position, the man's hips make a sort of +saddle into which the woman "vaults" easily, naturally, and with the +greatest of comfort; while the man, with his whole body supported by +the bed, as he lies, will be perfectly comfortable, and can maintain +the position much longer, without tiring, than he could were he over +and above the woman, supporting himself by his elbows and knees, and +with the woman's arms around his waist, lifting her body thereby, and +thus adding her weight to his, all to be sustained by him. A moment's +consideration will disclose the fact that this position has many +points in its favor, beyond that of the man-superior form. The woman, +in this position, is not wholly superior, but she is partly on her +right side and partly on her belly. Her whole weight rests on her +husband's body, but her weight does not tire him, as the bed below him +easily supports them both. + +Now, in this position, the sex organs are brought closely together and +their union is easily accomplished. But see! It is _now_ the _woman_, +and not the _man_ who has _full control_ of such meeting, and so can +regulate it to _her liking_, or _needs_. Her hips are perfectly free +to move towards, or from, those of the man; and so _she can determine +just how much or how little of his penis shall enter her vagina!_ And +if his penis is too long for her, she can accommodate her action to +such fact! + +As for the man, his satisfaction will be fully equal to, if not +greater than it would be were he in the other position. The ease +afforded to his body, and the fact that he need have no fear of +hurting the woman, these things will be a delight to him, that is of +real value, and which will make for his delectation as much as for +that of the woman in his arms. The in-and-out motion is as easily +performed in this position as in the other; and at the climax, the +organs can be crowded together passionately, and still without hurting +the woman. For she, being free to move, can so curve her hips that +the pelvic bone, the _mons veneris_, as it is technically called, will +receive the most of the pressure, and at the same time the angle which +is thus made by the relative positions of the vagina and the penis +will keep the latter from penetrating the vagina too far, and so +will protect its rear walls and the womb from all danger of harm. The +orgasm is just as perfect in this position as in the other. It is just +as _natural_ as the other position, and has only to be tried to be +proved worthy. + +And now one other point. (Curious how these details protract +themselves. But there is no help for it. We must continue, now that we +have begun.) + +A very frequent cause of married unsatisfaction is the fact of the +_difference of time_ that it takes for the husband and wife to come to +the climax, the orgasm. As has already been noted, the highest delight +in the act comes when this climax is simultaneous, comes at exactly +the same instant to both parties. But to bring this about is not easy +in all cases, and hence what follows: + +As a rule, women are slower in reaching the orgasm than are men. This +is not always so, but it is generally the case. Some wives are so +passionate that they will "spend" several times to their husbands' +once! The author knows of a case where the wife will regularly +experience the orgasm four or five times to her husband's once. She is +a lovely wife and a highly accomplished woman, in no sense "fleshy" or +"worldly minded." The situation is that her sex organs are exceedingly +sensitive while those of her husband are the reverse, they are "timed" +differently, that is all. The case is rare, and as a rule, women are +"timed" slower than men. + +Again, after a man has passed the orgasm it is, in most cases, +impossible for him to continue the act, right then and there, and +bring the woman to the climax, if she has not yet arrived, from the +fact that, with the expulsion of the semen, usually detumescence of +the penis at once takes place, and the organ is incapable of exciting +the woman when in this condition. And so, if the husband "goes off" +_first_, there is no possibility of the wife's reaching the climax +at that embrace. This leaves her unsatisfied, all her sex organs +congested, and the whole situation is unsatisfactory, in the extreme. +On the other hand, if the wife comes to the orgasm first, her vulva +and vagina detumesce but little and that very slowly, so that it is +perfectly possible for the husband to continue his action, and come to +the climax, even if his partner has already "spent." + +Under these conditions it is easy to see that, where the wife is +"keyed" or "timed" much slower than her husband, as is quite often +the case, coitus is very liable to be a very one-sided affair, one in +which the _husband gets all the satisfaction, and the wife little or_ +NONE--_a most unfortunate status for both parties, but especially for +the wife._ The writer once knew a case where a husband and wife lived +together to celebrate their golden wedding, and the wife never once +experienced an orgasm, though the husband cohabited with her several +times a month, during the most of their married life. There was no +good reason why this should have been so, only that the husband was +"quick in action" and the wife somewhat slow, and they had never +synchronated their time differences. The dear old lady died at ninety, +never having known a joy that, since her bridal night, she had wished +for. Both the husband and wife were most excellent people. _They +simply didn't know!_ One was ignorant and the other innocent, and +there you are again! + +Now the thing to do, under such circumstances, is for the parties +to "get together." And the way to do this is, first, to _prolong the +FIRST part_ of the act, till the wife has not only caught up with, but +is even _ahead_ of her husband in the state of her passion. To bring +about this condition, _the husband should use every means to stimulate +his wife's sex-nature and increase her desire for coition._ Here are +some things he can do, which will tend to produce such results: + +A woman's breasts are directly connected with all her reproductive +nerves. This is especially true of her nipples. To touch them is to +directly excite all of her sex organs. The lips and tongue are also +thus nervously connected with these vital parts, and, so, if the +husband will "play" with his wife's breasts, especially with her +nipples, manipulating them with his fingers, or, better still, with +his lips and tongue--at the same time, if he will stroke her vulva +with his fingers, especially the clitoris, _and if she will encourage +him to do this_, by holding her breast with one hand, shaking it about +as her nipple is in her lover's lips; if, lying flat on her back, her +husband at her right side, and with his left arm around her waist, she +will spread her legs wide apart, thus opening the vulva to its utmost, +and sway her hips, raising and lowering them betimes; and, since she +has a free hand, if, with this, she will take her husband's penis with +it and "play" with it as her lover plays with her vulva--if they will +do this, the cases are rare in which passion will not grow in the wife +to almost any desirable extent. Under such "courting," the parts will +all enlarge, the pre-coital secretion will flow in abundance; and, +in due course, all will be ready for the second part of the act. This +part of coitus is, really, one of the most enjoyable of the entire +performance. + +If, perchance, the pre-coital secretion should be tardy in appearing +on the part of the wife, so that the vulva is dry as the husband +strokes it, let him moisten the part with saliva from his mouth. To do +this, let him moisten his _fingers_ from his mouth, and transfer this +to the vulva, and then proceed with his stroking. This moistening the +vulva with saliva may be repeated _several_ times, _if necessary_, +always until the flow of pre-coital fluid from the parts themselves +renders any further moistening needless. _The stroking of the dry +vulva will do little toward the arousing of passion, or producing the +pre-coital flow_. But if the parts be moistened, as above directed, +both these desired results will follow, except in _very_ rare cases. + +And let no one make the mistake of thinking that thus moistening the +vulva with saliva is unseemly, or unsanitary. It is neither. On the +contrary, it is nature's way of helping to perfection an act which, +but for such timely assistance, might never be brought to a successful +issue. As has already been noted, chemically, saliva and the +pre-coital fluid are almost identical. They are both a natural +secretion of a mucous membrane, are alkaline in reaction, their native +purpose is lubrication, and, as a matter of fact, the saliva is +as natural an application to the lips of the vulva as it is to the +interior of the mouth or throat. Truth to tell, the practice of +applying saliva to the genitals before coition is very general, +so much so that it might almost be counted as instinctive. It is +mentioned here only to remove any prejudice that might linger in the +sophisticated mind of the reader. Such use of saliva is no more to +be deprecated than its application in a hundred other ways, such as +moistening the fingers to turn a leaf, of "licking" one's fingers +after eating candy. Such use of this fluid from the mouth might be +condemned by the "over-nice," but it is quite universally practiced, +and it is neither unwholesome nor unsanitary. + +It is sometimes recommended that some form of oil, as sweet oil +or vaseline, be used as an unguent for anointing the parts before +engaging in coitus, but this practice cannot be recommended. Oil +is not a natural product of the parts to which it is applied, it is +chemically unlike their secretions, and to smear the delicate organs +with a fluid that is foreign to their nature, is unwise, unsanitary, +not to say filthy. It is like greasing the mouth to make food slip +down easily. And it is easy to understand how such application of +an unguent to the mouth would impair the taste, dull the nerves of +sensation, and greatly interfere with the native and wholesome uses of +the oral cavity. + +So don't be afraid or ashamed to use saliva in preparing the vulva and +the vagina for the reception of their natural mate. + +And so, to return to where we left off, if the wife is slower +timed than her husband, her passion can be greatly increased by the +manipulation just described. Indeed, it could be very easily carried +to such length--the lips and tongue playing with the nipple, and the +finger-stroking of the vulva--that the woman could be brought to +an orgasm without the union of the organs at all! This is a form of +masturbation (this word has a bad meaning attached to it, but it is a +good word, as will shortly be shown, and it has its legitimate uses; +but, as a preparation for coition, it should not be carried any +further than is essential for bringing the laggard passion of the +woman up to an equal tension of that of her lover.) A few weeks', or +months', practice will enable a wife to determine just how much +of this form of "courting" will bring her to the desired point of +excitement; and, when this point is reached, she should invite her +husband to "come up over," if the first position is to be adopted for +the rest of the act; or, she should throw herself into her lover's +arms, if the second position is used. + +Just a little more--If, after getting into one position or the other, +it seems to the wife that she is not yet fairly abreast of her husband +in the intensity of her passion, let her _still further_ seek to +advance it, as follows: + +If the position with the husband superior is taken, let him, after he +has gotten into place and before the organs are united, have his wife +take his penis in her hand, and, as he moves his hips up and down, +stroke her vulva, especially the clitoris, with the glans penis--not +entering the vagina at once, but continuing this form of _exterior_ +contact of the organs, for a longer or shorter time--slipping past the +wide open vaginal mouth, even when the wife raises her thighs and, +as it were, begs for an entrance; tantalizing her to the point of +distraction--till, finally, she will "take no for an answer" no +longer, but will, in an ecstacy, slip the penis into the vagina, and +thus consummate their union. + +If she be far enough abandoned with her passion, such entrance may be +made at a single stroke, not to say a furious plunge. But if the vulva +and vagina are not yet fully dilated, the entrance should be carefully +made, gently made, as she can bear it, as _she_ wishes it to be. + +Sometimes, yes, not infrequently, in this position, the external +stroking of the organs may be continued to the very verge of the +orgasm, so that, especially if the entrance can be made, as it were, +in a frenzy of passionate delight, the organs coming into full length +union at a single impulse, or rushing together--then the simultaneous +climax _may_ be reached with one or two in-and-out motions--or, +perhaps the single master-plunge may win the goal instanter! If so, a +consummation devoutly to be wished has been successfully reached! + +Again, if the wife is slow, and the man is quick, in this play for +"getting together," it will enable the man to greatly extend and +protract what might be called the time of his possible _retention_, +if he can keep the foreskin over the glans penis. Some men cannot do +this. If they have been circumcised, of course they cannot! But if the +glans penis can be covered with the foreskin during all this playing +together, it will enable the husband to prolong his "retentional +time" far beyond what he otherwise could. Some men have the power of +"retaining" to almost any length of time by the exercise of their will +power, and so they can _wait_ for their wives. If the wife is slower +timed than the husband, he should _carefully cultivate the "art of +retaining"_ and so wait for her. _To do this successfully will greatly +increase married happiness_. + +This same remark (keeping the gland covered) applies with equal force +to the possibilities of the man's retention after the organs are +united, and all through the third part of the act. If the penis can +enter the vagina with its "natural cap on," the husband can give his +wife the pleasure of many times the amount of in-and-out motion than +he could otherwise bestow upon her. And if the wife is the slower of +the two (as is generally the case) she will greatly appreciate such a +favor, and will repay it a THOUSAND FOLD by the responsive, reciprocal +motions which she will LAVISH upon her _considerate_ lover. + +This is an item of almost supreme importance--this "keeping the +cap on" the penis, during the act, _if the wife is slower than the +husband_--if they need to have a care, to insure their "getting off +together." + +And here is a curious fact, which would seem to show that Mother +Nature has especially provided a blissful reward for both the husband +and wife who will be careful on this point. Thus, if the husband will +be careful to have the glans penis covered with the foreskin (and, of +course, this can _never_ be, if the organs are united when the vulva +and vagina are dry) when it enters the vagina, and will so engage in +the in-and-out motion that it will _stay covered_ as the _third_ act +progresses--if this is done, when the climax comes, if the two +"spend together," the womb will open its mouth as it were, clasp +the foreskin, slip it back over the gland so that, when the supreme +instant comes, the naked gland will be in the most direct and blissful +contact with the most sensitive part of the uterus! This is a most +wonderful provision of nature, and to utilize it, and enjoy it to its +utmost, is the maximum of human delight! + +Again, if after the organs are well together, in the man-superior +position, and the in-and-out motion has begun, it should be found +that the wife is still behind in the game, she can gain greatly in +"catching up" if she is permitted to _originate_ the larger part of +the motion. To enable her to do this, let her husband hold his body +quite well above her, so that she can have plenty of freedom to move +her hips as she may choose to. Added to this, if the husband will, in +large measure, "hold still," and keep his penis in such position that +it presses against the _upper part_ of the vulva, that is against the +clitoris, (as the phrase goes, if he will "ride high") and then permit +his _wife_ to make "long strokes," sliding the organs together for +their full possible length, with the clitoris in constant contact with +the penis, during the whole of each stroke--all of this will greatly +and rapidly increase her passions and bring her to the climax. + +Or, as a variation from this, if the organs can be united to their +fullest possible limit, so that the base of the penis presses firmly +against the Mons Veneris, and the clitoris and labiae almost clasp +their mate; and then, in this position, if the husband will maintain +the _status quo_, while she lifts her hips hard against his, and +_swings them about_, in a sort of circular motion "round and round," +as it were--this will also greatly increase her passion, and soon +bring her to the climax. + +In both these last described ways of courting, the husband should be +_extra careful not_ to permit the weight of his body to press down +heavily upon his wife. He should _wholly_ sustain himself on his +elbows and knees, and permit her to lift herself, at least her hips, +by the help of her arms around his waist. This is no hardship for the +husband, if he be a true lover. For is he not strong, and what is his +strength for but to delight his sweetheart? _A true, devoted, virile +and manly lover is always at the service of his sweetheart! To delight +her, is to doubly delight himself_. This is another point of which +mere animals know nothing. There is nothing in all their nature which +responds to the like of this, in any way. The whole experience is +_human_; it is productive of a joy, of a _spiritual elevation_, which +mere animality knows nothing of--can know nothing of. + +Playing thus together, courting each other thus (For, through all +these actions, a line of _complete mutualness must run_! The husband +may _seem_ to be specially accommodating himself, and all he does, to +his wife's whims or necessities; but, even so, this will be more of +a delight to _him_ than it is to _her_, viewed from the _spiritual +plane_, on the principle that "it is more blessed to give than to +receive"--and no truer words than these were ever spoken--while, +at the same time, the wife, though _seeming_ only to be gratifying +herself, to be reaching after what she alone desires, yet, as a matter +of fact, by her very so doing--and the more perfectly, completely, she +does this, the better--she is gratifying and delighting her husband to +the utmost possible limit) courting each other thus, the lovers will +learn to "time" themselves together, perfectly, each knowing just when +the other is fully ready, by a sort of _spiritual consciousness_, as +it were, and so a perfect climax can be reached. + +Take time, LET LOVE RULE AND DIRECT; BANISH ALL SELFISHNESS; _Let the +husband keep his head, and_ THE WIFE UTTERLY LOSE HERS, throwing it +to the winds, to be wholly swept away by the whirlwind of her passion; +feeling free, delighting, to let it go, go, go, no one cares where! +Do these things, and married life will be glorious! Of such is the +kingdom of heaven, for the truly wedded lovers! + +This will be "all Greek," or "foolishness" to the selfish and +materially-minded; but to the truly wise, it will be _life +immeasurable_. This is a paradox, but it takes a paradox to tell the +greatest truths! + +So much for the act of coitus in the man-superior position, when the +wife is slower timed than the husband and they adopt this method, +and the accompanying means for "getting together." Now, if the other +position is taken, that of the wife semi-superior, in the husband's +arms, as he lies partly on his back and partly on his left side, etc., +here are a few points to be noted to advantage. + +Still assuming that the wife is the slower-timed of the two, it is +entirely possible that when she has "come over" and has gotten into +position, that she may not yet be fully ready for the union of the +organs. The very time that it takes for her to get into position, the +changing of the position of her body, from her back to her right side; +the temporary cessation of the stroking of the vulva by her husbands's +[sic] fingers; all these things will have a tendency to retard her +passion, for the time being, and all this loss ought to be made good, +if not added to, before the _second_ part of the act is entered upon. +And, in this position, all this can most happily be brought about, as +follows:-- + +Lying in each other's arms, in this _second_ described position, the +organs naturally _come_ into contact in such a way as to make the +further excitation of the vulva and clitoris most natural and easy. +The spreading of the wife's hips, caused by her throwing her left leg +over her husband's right and drawing up of her left knee, opens the +vulva wide; and, at the same time, the penis, from the very nature +of its position, will lie at full length in the opening, thus +exposed--not entering the vagina, but remaining "without the gate" as +yet. + +By this time the vulva will have become enlarged and elongated, the +lips full and the clitoris erect, all in a state of tumescence, and +all covered with the pre-coital fluid; the lips so distended that, +when thus parted, they form the sides of a labial canal, as it were (a +delectable, and most delicately smooth-walled channel). Now, in this +extended condition, which is fully as long as the penis, from end +to end of its pathway of dalliance, every part covered with the most +delicately sensitive nerve-filaments, and all of these in an ecstasy +of keenness to the sense of touch, and in the most perfect of "love's +strolling way,"--if the penis, as it were, stands up full and strong, +in such fashion that it touches the vulva at every point, both inner +and outer labiae, the clitoris and all, for a space of five or six +inches in length; while the protruded and well-moistened lips of the +vulva as it were reach out, and clasp themselves at least half way +around their suitor, laving him with their luscious kisses--in this +position, the wife being partly above, and so, perfectly free to move +her "love way" as she will, she can slide the pathway itself a full +six or more inches, up and down, stroking all the area against the +penis as she moves; that, again, by its very position, being held +firmly in contact by its stiffness and stoutness; the glans penis +throbbing lustily against the clitoris when the two meet at the +extreme of the wife's up-stroke; she, pausing an instant, just then, +to more perfectly enjoy the sensation; the penis slipping past the +now wide open vaginal mouth, which reaches out at every down stroke to +engulf it--dallying, delaying, coquetting, tantalizing, both man and +woman; playing the game in almost a swoon of ecstatic delight--under +such conditions the wife's passion will rush to its fullest +development, till, when she will, she can drop her vagina upon the +penis in such a way that the _two will be made one_, in absolute +perfection, on a single move, and from this to the finish it is but a +few motions distant. + +In some respects this manner of coitus, and this means of "going off +together" is unsurpassed. + +Which leads to the remark that this position is sometimes the best for +the full completion of the act. It is the easiest of all positions, +the least fatiguing. And if the wife is tired, or not quite "up to +grade," she can enjoy an embrace of this sort without fatigue, even +to the full. For the organs can be united in this position quite +perfectly, though the penis will not penetrate the vagina to as great +a length as in the other position. Still, the climax can be perfectly +reached in this way, and it is one of the best ways to make sure of +perfect "timing," of "spending" exactly together, which is greatly in +its favor. + +If there is a mis-matching of the organs, the vagina of the wife being +too short for her husband's penis, this is a most excellent way for +meeting and overcoming that difficulty. + +This naturally leads to another matter, as follows:--It might seem +to the reader that the different "strokings" of the vulva, with the +fingers, or the penis, all the contact being outside the vagina, that +all of these methods of excitation smack of masturbation, and so are +of doubtful rightness. In reply to which, note the following: + +The entire affair of coition, in humanity, has already been shown +to be something wholly above and beyond mere animality. It is the +exercise of functions that belong _only to mankind_, and hence is +not amenable to _any_ merely _animal_ laws or restrictions! It is the +source of numberless human joys, and _any_ method of engaging in +the act of mutual delight, that is, of _mutually happifying_, is +legitimate and _altogether right_. And so, if the parties choose to +increase their mutual delight, if the husband wishes to arouse +and intensify his wife's passion by stroking her vulva with his +saliva-moistened fingers, and _she wishes him to do so_, such act is +as right and as wholesome as is coitus in the by-some-supposed-to-be +_only_ way of its exercise. Let this never be doubted. + +The fact is, this whole matter of sexual excitation by means of the +hand, or in other ways than the union of the organs, has received +a black eye at the hands of would be purists, which it in no way +deserves. As already noted, the word masturbation has been fastened to +such acts, and then, any and every form of it has been condemned far +beyond what the facts warrant, till the minds of the rank and file are +wholly misled in the premises! When one looks at the situation from +the point of view which insists that _all_ the sex functions should be +under the control of the _will_, then light is thrown upon the +entire subject. Seen in this way, _any_ form of sex stimulation, or +auto-erotism even (auto-erotism means _self_ sex-excitation) which is +NOT CARRIED TO EXCESS, is _right_ and _wholesome_! But we have been +taught the contrary of this for so long that it is difficult for us to +realize that it is true. _But it is_! + +Hence, if it should sometimes happen that the husband should arrive +at the climax before the wife does, and he could not bring her to +an orgasm by excitation with his spent penis, it would be _perfectly +right for him to substitute his fingers, and satisfy her in that way_. +Of course, this would not be as satisfying to her as it would have +been could she have met him simultaneously, but it is _far better than +for her not to be entirely gratified! Many a woman_ SUFFERS ALL NIGHT +LONG _with unsatisfied desire, her organs congested and tumescent, +because she has been left_ UNSATISFIED _by a husband who has spent +before she was ready_, AND THEN LEFT HER! Such cases might be +_entirely relieved_, if the parties _knew the truth_, and were not too +_ignorant_, or _prejudiced_, or _ashamed_ to do what should be done to +make the best of a situation. + +Of course, no husband should make a _practice_ of gratifying himself +fully, and then bringing his wife to the climax with his fingers. Such +a practice would be _selfish_ and _wrong_. But as an _emergency_ way +of escape, the method is to be commended. + +Of course, as has already been explained, the husband always has the +advantage, that he can be brought to the orgasm by the insertion of +the penis into the vagina, _after_ his wife has spent, if she +arrives first, since her organs detumesce slowly, and their distended +condition permits such action on his part, for some time after she has +passed the climax. But not so with the husband. Once spent, his penis +shrinks to limpness, almost immediately, and in this condition it +cannot satisfy the wife in the least, much less bring her to an +orgasm. + +Again, if, for any reason, the wife should be unable to meet her +husband in coitus proper, because of weakness, or slight illness, +or perhaps some temporary soreness of the parts, it would help the +situation wonderfully if _she_ would take _his_ penis in _her_ hand +and "play with it" till he _spent_. He would love her for it, kiss her +for it, give her his soul for it! + +_If a bride and bridegroom knew enough to introduce each other to the +delights of an orgasm by "spending" each other by external excitation +of the organs with their hands a few times before they united the +organs at all, it would be to their lasting well being. This is +especially true for the bride_. If her lover would take her in his +arms, even with all her clothes on, as she sat on his lap, in their +bridal chamber, alone, and stroke her vulva till she "_spent,_" the +chances are many to one that he would have introduced her to such a +joy that she would never forget it, all her life. Surely, such method +is _infinitely superior_ to _raping_ a bride, as is so frequently +done by the ignorant or goody-good young husband, who "stands upon his +_rights_!" + +Indeed, if a bride to be, who was so innocent or ignorant of her own +sex possibilities that she had never experienced an orgasm--had never +"spent"--could be "put wise" before her bridal-night, if she could be +instructed enough to lead her to engage in some form of auto-erotism, +bringing herself to an orgasm with her own hand, _just for the sake +of the experience it would give her, and so that she would have some +clear idea of what she really wanted, before she went into the arms +of her lover--if she could do this, in the right mental attitude, it +would be greatly to her well-being, a worthy and valuable addition to +her stock of knowledge of herself and of the powers that are latent +within her. Her alleged loss of innocence by such act would be as +nothing compared with the wisdom she would gain by the experience. +When innocence leads to harmful results, it is time it was ended, and +that knowledge takes its place!_ + +As for the husband, the chances are not one in a million that he will +be ignorant of what an orgasm is like before he marries, since all +healthy young men "spend" at least once a week, automatically, if not +otherwise! + +Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may be +practiced by both men and women, to their healthful benefit, when +sexual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is only when +_carried to excess_ that such action is in any way harmful. The only +danger is, that, the individual being alone and having all the means +for self-gratification in his or her own hands, so to speak, it is +quite possible to indulge in the action too freely, which, of +course, leads to bad results. _But the act itself is not bad._ On the +contrary, when kept within bounds, it is healthful and wholesome. + +There are many unmarried women, maiden ladies, and especially widows, +who would greatly improve their health if they practiced some form of +auto-erotism, occasionally. When husbands and wives are forced to +be much away from each other, it is right for them to occasionally +satisfy themselves in this way, their souls filled with loving +thoughts of the absent one the while. + +There is any amount of nonsense current about auto-erotism. As a +matter of fact, all boys masturbate, and many girls also. Some +authors claim that more than half of all women engage in some form +of auto-erotism, at some time in their lives, and the estimate is +probably too low rather than too high. But, unless they carry the act +to excess, they are guilty of no wrong. Not infrequently, they may +make the act a means of great good to themselves. _The sex organs are +alive! They constantly secrete fluids that need to be excreted, as +all other organs of the body do. They ought to be relieved, as their +nature requires they should be._ If this cannot be accomplished as +the most natural way prescribes, it is only right to do the next best +thing. Only, it should not be carried to excess. Be temperate in all +things. Gratify yourself, but don't ABUSE yourself. Auto-erotism, or +masturbation, should never be permitted to become "self-abuse," nor +is there any need that it should ever do so. It should be +self-upbuilding, not self degrading. Rightly used it can be thus. + + + + +IX + +COITUS RESERVATUS + + +This brings us to another item in the matter of sexual exercise on the +part of the husband and wife, as follows:-- + +It should be the constant aim and endeavor of both parties to +continually lift all sex affairs above the plane of animality, mere +physical gratification, into the realm of _mental_ and _spiritual_ +delight. To this end, let it be said at once that such a condition can +be reached, in the greatest degree, by the practice of what is known, +in scientific terms, as "_coitus reservatus,"_ which, translated, +means going only _part_ of the way in the act, and not carrying it to +its climax, the orgasm. Described in terms with which the reader is +now familiar, it means, carrying the act only through the first and +second stages, the "courting" stage, and the union of the organs, and +stopping there! This may seem, at first thought, neither right nor +wise, but, as a matter of fact, it is both, as thousands of most +happily married people have proved. + +Going a bit into details, this act of "reservatus" really unites the +first two parts of the act into a common whole, making it simply one +continuous piece of "courting," merely that, and nothing more. It +is almost entirely a _mental and spiritual love-embrace; and in its +perfection, it exalts the husband and wife to the topmost heights of +mental and spiritual enjoyment and expression_. + +To engage in this form of coitus, _not nearly_ the effort should be +made to arouse the sexual passions of either of the parties, as has +already been described as fitting for complete coitus. _The orgasm +is not the desideratum in this case, but it is just a delightful +expression of mutual love. It is a sort of prolonged and all-embracing +kiss, in which the sex organs are included as well as the lips. They_ +kiss each other, as the _lips_ kiss each other. It is "courting," par +excellence, without the hampering of clothes or conventionality of any +kind. + +In this act, the lovers simply _drift_, petting each other, chatting +with each other, visiting, loving, caressing in any one or all of a +thousand ways. The hands "wander idly over the body," the husband's +right hand being specially free and in perfect position to stroke his +wife's back, her hips, her legs, and pet her from top to toe. + +As this part of the act continues, it is the most natural thing in the +world that the sex organs should tumesce, and that there should be +a flow of both prostatic and pre-coital fluids. That is, the organs +quietly and naturally make themselves ready for meeting. And when they +are duly tumescent, are properly enlarged and lubricated, let the wife +come over into her lover's arms, IN THE SECOND POSITION described, and +the organs be slipped together easily, delightfully, and then, _let +them stay so_, fully together, _but do not go on with the third part +of the act_, the motion of the organs. Just lie still and enjoy the +embrace, kiss, chat, court, love, dream, enjoy! + +This union can be protracted to almost any length, after the lovers +learn how to do it. Sometimes the organs may be together only a few +minutes, sometimes for an hour, or even longer. If the parties get +tired, or sleepy, part the organs, kiss good-night, and go to sleep. +Although it is not at all uncommon for such lovers, who have fully +learned this art, to go to sleep thus, in each other's arms, their sex +organs united; and, in this position, have the organs detumesce, the +penis grow limp and slip out of the vagina of its own accord, while +the vagina also grows small and the clitoris subsides. This experience +is most delightful and if once experienced, once well mastered by the +husband and wife, it will continually grow in favor, to their mutual +benefit. + +This method is of special service during the "unfree time." If rightly +used, it will not tend to increase the desire for "spending," but +it will, on the contrary, allay and satisfy the sexual desires, most +perfectly. If, while learning how, sometimes the inexperienced should +"get run away with," and feel that it is better to go on and have the +climax, all right. But, as time goes on, the practice of carrying the +act only to the end of the _second_ part, will grow, and in due time +be well established. Those who have mastered this wholesome and loving +art will sometimes meet in this way a score of times during a month or +so, without once coming to the climax. Such meeting can be as often +as the parties choose, and of as long, or as short duration as they +elect. It is often an excellent way, to say "good-night;" and if, +on waking in the morning, there is time before rising for a "little +court," this slipping the organs together, for "just a minute," is a +most excellent way to begin the day. The art is worth learning, and +most people can learn it, if they try, _and are of the right spirit_! + +To go back a little: In speaking of mutual masturbation on the part of +the husband and wife, this method of satisfying the sex nature is of +great value, sometimes, especially for use during the unfree time. If, +during these two weeks, the parties get "waked up," and feel the need +of sex exercise, they can satisfy each other with their hands in a way +that will be a great relief to each. This is specially true for +the husband; and a wife, who is enough of a woman to thus meet her +husband's sex-needs, with her hand, when it is not expedient for him +to meet her otherwise, is a wife to worship! + +Sometimes, during the five days of menstruation, during which time +the union of the organs is deemed not best, the wife can thus help her +lover with her hand, to their delight and benefit. _Let love direct +the way here, and all will be well_. + +And here is a curious fact: The hand of the opposite sex will produce +effects on the genitals of the other which will _not_ be produced in +any other way. Thus, a man may hold his penis in his own hand for +a given length of time, longer or shorter, and no result will be +effected, no secretion of prostate fluid be made, at all. But let his +wife take his penis in _her_ hand for the same length of time, and the +flow of prostatic fluid will at once take place. This is true whether +the penis be erect or detumescent. If the wife will hold her husband's +limp penis in her hand for but a few minutes, even though the organ +remains limp, the flow of prostatic fluid will take place! The same +is true with regard to the husband's putting his hand on his wife's +vulva. Should _she_ hold her hand there, no pre-coital fluid would be +secreted. With her husband's hand there, the flow would at once begin. + +This is a remarkable physical and psychological phenomenon, and it +is one especially worthy of note. It is this fact that makes _mutual_ +masturbation far superior to auto-erotism. A husband can thus satisfy +a wife with his fingers, or a wife her husband with her hand, far +better than either could bring himself or herself to the climax alone. +This point is of great import, in considering many of the sex acts of +husband and wife. + +As a rule, let the husband and wife do _whatever their desire prompts +or suggests, and just as they feel they would_ LIKE _to_. Only this, +let all be in moderation. _Carry nothing to excess!_ + +Which suggests the question often asked: How frequently may coitus +be engaged in? The answer is, just as often as is desired by _both +parties, but never to the point of weariness or depletion of the +physical, mental or spiritual body_. Use good sense here as elsewhere. +We eat when we are hungry, but it is wrong to gorge oneself with food. +The same rule holds with regard to sex exercise. _Satisfy the calls of +nature, but_ NEVER, _overdo the matter_. BE TEMPERATE, MANLY, WOMANLY! +_Don't be afraid or ashamed to do what your desire and your best +judgment say is right. Use common sense, and you will not go wrong_. + +And don't wear each other out, either both together, or the one the +other. Many men insist on their rights (THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS) and +greatly debilitate themselves by excess of coition with their wives. +Per contra, there are some women who wear the lives out of +their husbands by the excessive calls they make upon them for +sex-gratification. In the latter case, a man will "go to pieces" much +faster than a woman who is over-taxed. To satisfy such a woman, a man +must spend at least once every time his wife calls on him. This draws +on his vital fluids, at every embrace; but, as has been stated, there +is no escape of vital fluid from the woman, when she spends, and so +she can reach and pass the orgasm, time and again, and still not have +her vitality taxed. Indeed, in some cases, the oftener a woman spends, +the more animated, robust and healthful she becomes. In case unmatched +people meet as husband and wife, they should do their best to adjust +themselves to each other's condition, keeping always in mind the best +welfare, each of the other. + +There are records of women who delight to spend a dozen times in a +single night. One queen made a law that every man should cohabit +with his wife at least seven times each night! Of course, she was an +abnormal woman, though the author once knew a good orthodox deacon who +would have been delighted to live under the rule of such a law, for +seven times a night was the limit his wife imposed upon him! He was +also abnormal. + +Luther said twice a week was the rule for coitus, and this is a very +common practice. No absolute rule can be given, however, except for +each couple to act as they feel, keeping always within the bounds of +common sense and true temperance. + +There are some men and women so constituted, nervously, or by +temperament, that they are _obliged_ to rigorously _limit_ their acts +of coition. Some men cannot engage in the act more than once or twice +a month and maintain their health. For them, the act draws on their +vitality so severely that it quite upsets them, in almost every +case. During the act, they are subjected to nervous shocks, they +"see stars," and undergo rigors and nervous sweats which are severely +debilitating. Often, too, they will lie awake all night after +engaging in the act, and be more or less of a wreck for a day or two +afterwards. + +Some women, too, are of a similar nature of organization, and undergo +similar experiences. Of course, in all such cases, unusual care should +be taken never to reach the point of excess. + +It is unfortunate if people are married who are ill-matched in this +regard, especially so if the difference between the two is of a +pronounced nature, as when the husband or the wife is very amorous and +virile, while his or her mate is unable to engage in the act, to any +considerable extent, without suffering therefrom. If such case arises, +the best should be made of the situation, the more robust party +accommodating himself or herself to the incompetency or inability of +the other, and the weaker one doing all that can rightly be done to +strengthen and develop his or her infirmity. If this is done, _the +chances are many to one that, as times goes on, the parties will grow +more and more alike--the strong becoming more docile and the weaker +one more robust. Take time, love each other, court and be courted, and +only the best results trill come of it all_. + +Now there are some women who are called "anesthetic," that is, +they have no sex-passion, though the sex parts may be normal. Many +physicians declare that as high as forty per cent of the women _who +are reared in modern social life_ are thus lacking. These women engage +in coitus, though they get no pleasure from the act. They never reach +the orgasm, and have no sensation of delight from the act; they seldom +secrete the pre-coital fluid, and hence the union of the organs, or +their motion, are never easy or pleasurable. They can become mothers, +and often such bear many children. Such condition is greatly to be +regretted, and many women suffer greatly from this cause. + +It is highly probable, though, that many women who are counted as +thus lacking are _not, really, so!_ Many women will begin married life +wholly anesthetic, and, often, sometime will become normal in this +regard. _This often happens. The probability is that many wives are +not properly "courted" by their husbands_--THE FIRST PART OF THE ACT +IS NEGLECTED, _or the husband merely acts on his rights_--cohabits +like a goat, all in an instant, anxious only to gratify his own +_lust_; and that, _under such treatment, the wife never gets a fair +chance to really know her own powers_. Such cases are sad beyond +telling. For the most part, _they are the result of ignorance on the +part of the husband, and innocence and wrong teaching--wrong mental +attitude--on the part of the wife_. HENCE THE NEED OF INSTRUCTIONS TO +BOTH. + +But if almost any woman will get the _right mental attitude_ toward +sex-meeting, and then can be courted, as has been prescribed in these +pages, the cases are _rare indeed_ where a woman can be found who is +_really_ anesthetic. If you, wife, or you, husband, are "up against" +such a condition, try "courting," as herewith laid down, _in a proper +mood and spirit, and you will come out all right. There is no doubt of +it_. + +On the contrary, if the man is "impotent" there is small hope of his +ever coming out of such condition, and the chances are many to one +that he will never be able to satisfy his wife sexually. He may be +a "good man," in a way, but he can never be a good _husband_, in the +full meaning of that word. + +On the other hand, if a woman marries for money, or a home, or +position, or place, or power, or a "meal-ticket"--for _anything but +love_, she will doubtless be anesthetic _and stay so_. She deserves +to! She sells herself for a mess of pottage, whoever she is. She may +be a "good woman," but she can never be a good _wife_. + +The question is sometimes asked as to how late in life the sex organs +can function pleasurably and wholesomely for the parties concerned. +And here, as elsewhere, the reply can only be that it all depends on +the individual. But this is true, that, as a rule, the status of the +individual during the years of active life will persist, even to +old age, if the sex-functions are used and not abused. There is no +function of the body, however, which will "go to pieces" quicker, and +ever after be a wreck, as will the sex organs, if they are not treated +rightly. + +And this works both ways: If too rigorously held in check, _if denied +all functioning whatever, the parts will atrophy, to the detriment +of the whole nature, physical, mental, and spiritual_. The body will +become "dried up," the sex organs shriveled, and a corresponding +shrinking of the whole man or woman, in all parts of the being, is +very apt to follow. + +On the other hand, an excess of sex-functioning will soon deprive +the individual of all such power whatsoever. A man will, in his +comparatively early life, lose the power of erection, or tumescence +entirely, as a result of excess, either by masturbation or from +too frequent coitus; and on the part of the woman, many unfortunate +conditions are liable to arise. However, for reasons that have already +been stated, a woman who is strongly sexed, and of a pronounced +amorous nature, can maintain even great excess of sex exercise +without suffering such ill results as would befall a man who should so +indulge. That is, an excessively passionate wife can far sooner wear +the life out of a husband who is only moderately amorous, than can an +abnormally passionate husband wear out a moderately amorous wife. + +But if the sex nature of the husband and wife are well cared for +during the years of active life, neither too much restrained or too +profusely exercised, the functioning power of the sex organs will +remain, even to old age, with all their pleasure-giving powers and +sensations intact. This is a wonderful physiological fact, which leads +to a conclusion, as follows:-- + +This fact of the staying qualities of the power of sex functioning, +even to old age, is the _supreme_ proof of the fact that sex, in the +human family, _serves a purpose other than reproduction_! + +For, see! A woman loses the power to conceive when she reaches the +"turn of life," when her menses cease, that is, when she is between +forty and fifty years of age. And if pleasure in coition serves only +to induce her to engage in the act for the purpose of increasing the +probability of her becoming pregnant, if this is the _sole_ purpose +of desire for sex intercourse, such desire, such pleasure, _ought to +cease_ at that period of feminine life. _But this is by no means the +case_! If a wife is a normal woman, sexually, and has neither abused +her sex nature or had it abused, or neglected, and is a well woman, +she will enjoy coitus as much after she has passed her three score and +ten date in her life as she did before! She may not care to engage +in the act as frequently as in her younger days; but if she is well +courted by her old lover, all the joys of the former days are still +hers, to as great a degree as ever. And what is true of her is true +of her husband, if he is well preserved, as she is, has never abused +himself or been abused. + +This is a reward of virtue, for old lovers, that pays a big premium on +righteous sex-action in earlier years! More than all, _it is a proof, +beyond all question, that the purpose of sex in humanity is something +more than procreation, that there is such a thing as the Art of Love, +and that it ought to be taught and well learned by every husband and +wife, in their early married life_. + + + + +X + +CLEANLINESS + + +It would hardly seem necessary to be said, and yet many experiences of +husbands and wives prove that it needs to be said, that both parties +should take great pains to keep their bodies, all parts of them, +always sweet and clean. Strange as it may seem, many wives are +exceedingly careless in this respect! It is a matter of common report +among men, that harlots take more pains to make and keep their bodies, +and especially their genitals, clean and attractive, than many wives +do! Surely, this ought not to be so, and yet it often is. + +And that it is, is only one more unfortunate result that springs from +the feeling of "Oh, we are married now." The wife or the husband feels +that there is no longer any need of wooing each other. All of which +leads to woe, woe, woe! The wife should keep her whole body so sweet +and clean that her husband can kiss her from top to toe, if he wants +to--and the chances are that he will want to, if she so keeps herself! +In the one case, such a caress is a bit of heaven to a husband, in the +other it is a bit of hell! It will disgust where it ought to delight. +And when a wife disgusts her husband, the end of a happy married life +has come! + +The wife should always wash her vulva with soap and warm water before +retiring, and if reservatus is to be engaged in in the morning, after +urination, she should thoroughly cleanse the parts before union takes +place. Let her be _ever_ mindful to keep her "love cup" worthy to meet +its lover. + +And the husband should be equally careful to keep his body sweet and +clean. He should wash the glans penis thoroughly, with soap and water, +at least once every day, drawing the foreskin back so as to fully +cleanse the indenture above the gland, which secretes a substance that +very soon emits an offensive odor unless removed. Both parties should +keep their arm pits so that they will not be "smelly," and the feet +should likewise be kept inodorous. + +One of the chief objections to smoking or chewing tobacco is that it +spoils the breath, and so makes it offensive to the wife, whereas it +should be most attractive. In a word, both the husband and wife +cannot be too careful, in all ways, in making and keeping their bodies +mutually attractive. As has already been said, the sole aim of all +the sexual experience of a husband and wife should be to raise +the function more and more _away_ from the plane of _physical_ +gratification and elevate it continually towards the realm of _mental_ +and _spiritual delight_. This is a mission of sex in the human family +that should be made the most of. It involves the cultivation of the +Art of Love, which is truly the art of arts, par excellence. + +The secret of success in establishing righteous and happy sex +relations between husband and wife is, on the part of the man, that +_all his actions should be those of a loving gentleman_. This does +not mean effeminacy on his part--he must be virile, bold, strong, +aggressive, positive, _compelling_. And yet, all these manly virtues +must be expressed in terms of _loving and gentle_ ACTS. This is a +paradox, but it is true! + +On the part of the woman, the chief item on her side is, for her +to attain a _correct mental and spiritual attitude toward her +own sex-nature and that of her husband, and toward their common +expression_. All her training and environment now hinder her from such +achievement; but if she be a true woman, her nature will reveal the +truth to her, and if she will trust to that--do what that prompts her +to do, she will come out all right. It will take time to reach such +results; but if she will persist, she will succeed. Let her come +to the realization of the fact that sex in men and women is _not_ +unclean, vulgar, lowdown, sinful; but that it is _clean, pure, lofty_, +GOD-BORN! Rightly exercised, it leads to the highest well-being of +both the husband and wife; it brings them to their physical, mental +and spiritual noblest and best. Let the wife get this view of +the situation, which is the only true view, and then let her act +accordingly, and she will have attained. A husband and wife who have +reached this _modus vivendi_ have established a heaven on earth. + + + + +EDITOR'S NOTE + + +Dr. Long's description of "Free Time" should be thoroughly understood +by the readers of this book. Since it is practically impossible to +conduct exact scientific tests under strict control (the reason for +which can be readily understood) there is much difference of opinion +among physicians and sexologists on this subject. + +Some say there is no such thing as "Free Time." Others agree with Dr. +Long that there is a period of "Free Time." Still a third group +take the conservative viewpoint that further proof is necessary. The +publishers offer this explanation as a necessary comment. + + + + +XI + +PREGNANCY + + +And now just a few words about having children, and this treatise will +end. + +As has already been said, every true husband and wife who are well +enough and strong enough, and who are reasonably furnished with this +world's goods, ought to have and rear at least two children. The world +needs at least so many, even if all children lived and grew up, to +keep up the constant number of people on the earth. But, far more than +this, the husband and wife need children _to make a home complete, and +a complete home is the supreme attainment of human life!_ + +This does not mean that people should not marry unless they can have +children; there are many women who should never even try to become +mothers. But these should not be deprived of all sexual joys for this +reason. On the contrary, it is for their best good, in most cases, +that they should marry and so live normal sex lives, in all respects +except parenthood. + +But, for the most part, husbands and wives _can_ have children, if +they so desire, _and they_ SHOULD _so desire_. + +And, so desiring, the question is, How can they best fulfil such +desire? + +As a matter of fact, there is very little that is really known about +the begetting of children, and the securing of the best results from +such action. The laws of human heredity are, as yet, for the most +part, unknown. But common sense would seem to indicate a few things +that must be best in the premises. + +Thus, it would seem to be for the best that the husband and wife +should be in good physical condition when a child is begotten. More +than this, it would seem right that the act of begetting should be a +_deliberate_, and not a mere _chance_ begetting. Hence, in general, +it is well for the husband and wife to _agree_ upon a time for the +begetting of a child, and _deliberately accomplish a sex-meeting +for such purpose_. Although, one instinctively feels that such a +deliberate meeting might be too matter of fact--too cold and formal, +lacking in warm blood and genuine emotion; still, the probabilities +are that even this could be overcome, if kept in mind and "provided +for." + +Referring to the things that have already been said, of course an +embrace which is to result in pregnancy should be one of the most +perfect that can possibly be experienced, one in which, in an ecstasy +of love's delight, husband and wife merge their souls and bodies into +a perfect oneness--it would seem that from such a meeting the best, +and only the best results could come. + +And so if the husband and wife will agree that from a given time +on, they will cease to have a care to prevent conception; and then, +sometime _immediately following the fifth day after the beginning of +the menstrual flow_, they will naturally meet in a _perfect embrace_, +the probabilities are that they will have done the best possible to +secure the highest attainable results from the act of begetting a +child. + +As a rule, the proper time for such begetting is between the _fifth_ +and the _tenth_ day after the beginning of the menstrual flow. It is +sometimes best, however, to make the meeting earlier than this, even +before the flow has ceased. Some women will conceive then who cannot +do so at any other time. And so, if a wife should be unable to +conceive between the fifth and the tenth day, as noted, let an earlier +date be tried. If this should fail, consult a reliable physician. + +It ought to be said, too, that putting off having children _too long_, +is very apt to result in the sterility of the wife. Many a young wife, +who has really wanted to have children _sometime_, and who would be +greatly grieved if she thought she could _not_ bear a child, has kept +putting it off, and has done this _so often_, and for _so long_, that, +when the "convenient day" does come, she finds that she has "sinned +away her day of grace." + +Speaking generally, the first baby should be born not much later than +two years after marriage. There are, of course, exceptions to this, +but it is a good rule to go by. + +_Have your children when you are young_! This is common sense, +it comes out best in the long run, and is the best thing to do, +ninety-nine times in a hundred. Then, you are nearer the age of your +children as they grow up than if you waited till you were in the late +thirties before the children came. If your son or daughter is only +twenty-some years younger than you are, you can be "kids" with them. +If you are forty years old when they are born, you will always be "old +folks" to them. Have the babies when you are young. It is far better +so. + +If no children come from the meeting of husband and wife consult +a good doctor. But, in such event, if neither of the parties is to +blame--or even otherwise, make the best of the situation, love each +other, and make the most of wedded life with what is left. + +Above all, with children or without (and a thousand times better with) +make a home that is a home. That is what sex in the human family, what +married life is for--to make a home. Nearly all that makes a home +is centered around sex. No two normal _men_ can make a home! No two +normal _women_ can make a home! _It takes a man and a woman to make +a home. It takes father, mother and children to make the most perfect +home. Make up your minds to have a most perfect home, and do your +utmost to reach that goal_! + +The query often arises in the minds of conscientious husbands and +wives whether or not it is right to engage in coitus during pregnancy. +On this point authorities differ, though most of them hold against +such practice. The reasons they give for such adverse decision are all +based on the same old infernal lie, namely, that, sexually, man is +a mere animal, and so is subject to the laws and practices of mere +animality. This is the worst outrage ever perfected by a false +philosophy, which is heralded as the will of God. Out on it, +altogether! + +The simple truth, is that, if the husband and wife have _mastered the +Art of Love_, so that they _mutually desire each other, and both long +for sex exercise during the gestation period_, it is _perfectly right_ +and WISE for them to satisfy their _natural_ COMMON wishes. + +Of course, in such exercise, the utmost care should be taken not +to press too hard upon the pelvic region of the woman, and in this +regard, the word of caution needs to be heeded, as much by the +prospective mother as by her mate. For, in the intensity of an +orgasm, she may be tempted to crowd her body too violently against +her husband, and so possible harm might result. Especially if the +husband-superior position is taken during the act, he should be doubly +careful not to permit the weight of his body to rest upon the enlarged +part of the wife's anatomy, not in the least. + +Indeed, the safest position for coitus, during pregnancy is, the woman +on her back, and the man with his hips on the bed below hers, so that +there is no possibility of pressure on her abdomen, which is perfectly +free, in this position. In this position, the act may be engaged in, +during pregnancy, as often as mutually desired, to the benefit of both +parties. + +Many pregnant women are more than usually passionate during the period +of gestation. This is especially the case when the wife is happy in +her condition, when she rejoices with exceeding great joy that she is +on the way to experience the divine crown of wifehood--maternity! When +such a woman desires her husband in love's embrace, it is cruel to +deprive her of her longed-for delight. + +Again, a wife, unpregnant, and when she rightfully wishes to remain +so, may be somewhat fearful of becoming pregnant when she meets +her husband, and so hesitate to give her passion full play, thereby +missing the utmost delights of an embrace--but if she be pregnant, +and so has no fear on this score, she can give herself up to utter +abandonment to her impulses. + +On this point, the final word is, use _common sense_, in a _spirit of +absolute_ MUTUALITY. + +It goes without saying that it would be wicked, not to say a crime, +for a husband to _compel_ his wife to engage in coitus during +pregnancy, against her will. On the other hand, many a wife has first +experienced an orgasm when meeting her husband during pregnancy. The +reason for this is that her fear of becoming pregnant is not then +present--a condition which has before kept her from the climax. + +It is further true that many a wife will greatly relieve and delight +her husband if, on occasion, and as both may desire, she will relieve +him with her hand; or sometimes, that they engage in mutual relief by +this means during pregnancy. + + + + +XII + +CONCLUSION + + +In closing this volume, the author wishes to say, as in opening, that +no apology is offered for what has been written or said herewith. All +has been set down in love, by a lover, for the sake of lovers yet to +be, _in the hope of helping them on towards a divine consummation_. + +As a final direction _Master the Art of Love_, which is _the divinest +art in all the world; then study, and do your best to master the +Science of Procreation_. It is these two, the Art of Love and the +Science of Procreation, that, together, make married life a success. +Without these, or, surely, without the first, there can be no such +thing as true marriage. Hence, this is the _first_ to learn, to +master. It is worthy of the most careful study, the most faithful +experiment. + +It is right for people who never can have children to marry, and to +share with each other mutual sex delights. It is far better for +a husband and wife, having learned the Art of Love, to have +children--and a home. + +Thrice happy are the married lovers who live in the spirit of this +sentiment, exalted to the highest spiritual plane; and if, out of such +love exchanges children are begotten and born, and a perfect home is +established, then married life is worth living. God has joined such +together and nothing can put them asunder. + + * * * * * + +This volume is not something to be read once, and then put aside and +forgotten. It should be studied, experimented upon, read again and +again, especially by those who have difficulties in married life to +overcome. And for _all_ young married people, it should be a sort +of Guide to Happiness that should be frequently consulted and its +directions "tried out" and followed to the limit. + +The fact is that, in true marriage, neither the husband nor the wife +can be selfishly supreme. If selfishness asserts itself, on the part +of either husband or wife, hell is sure to follow. There can be no +true marriage under such circumstances, because there is no supremacy +in true love, and it is only true love that can make an abiding true +marriage. In true marriage, such as both God and Nature design should +be, there is perfect comradery, equals walking with equals, with the +principle of love and mutual helpfulness shared alike by both. Let +no reader of this book forget these primal facts, or fail to act in +accordance with them! For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven! + + + + +[Advertisement] + + +#WOMAN: HER SEX and LOVE LIFE# + +By Dr. William J. Robinson + +416 Pages + +Cloth + +$3.00 + +No matter what books you have read on sex information, no matter +what question is agitating your mind, the information given in this +wonderful book will solve your problem. Dr. Robinson not only gives a +full treatise on the delicate formation of woman's wonderful body, but +he also explains the changes which follow the intimate experiences +of her sexual life. Men as well as women must know what these changes +are. No one, married or single, can afford to be ignorant of the +knowledge contained in this wonderful book. One woman writes: "Woman: +Her Sex and Love Life has been a life saver to me. It has prevented a +serious error that would have been a blot upon my life." + +A FEW OF THE 53 CHAPTERS + +Reasons why a misstep in a girl is more serious than in a boy + +Sex knowledge of paramount importance to girls and women + +The wife's attitude toward the marital relations + +The female sex organs + +The sex instinct + +How to keep a husband's love + +Who may and may not marry + +Advice to girls approaching womanhood + +Illegitimate motherhood + +Advice to parents of unfortunate girls + +What is love? + +Late marriages and chastity in men + +Harmful advice to young women + +Birth control + +Regarding flirtation + +What a girl has a right to demand of her future husband + +Advice to the married or those about to be + +Importance of first few weeks of married life + +Infatuation mistaken for love + +Woman as man's chattel + +Advice to the wife of the flirtatious man + +The place love occupies in woman's life + +Abortion and miscarriage + +Three venereal diseases + +Measures for prevention after sexual relations + +Marital relations and frigid woman + +The girl who lost her virginity + +Treatment of sterility + +Justifiable innocent deception + +ORDER YOUR COPY of this important and valuable book at once. 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Learn what +the greatest Sexologists have to say about this great question of +life. Read the apt and brilliant comments of Dr. Robinson. + +One of the most valuable chapters of this remarkable book is that +which contains a reprint of a famous letter by Benjamin Franklin, +known as "Advice to a Young Man on Choosing a Mistress." Few people +are aware that this letter exists. The United States Government is +said to have paid $30,000 for the original. This Secret Franklin +Letter, in the estimation of many people, is alone worth the price of +the entire book. + +#Partial Table of Contents# + +Misalliances and unhappy marriages: an important but never referred to +cause + +Sexual abstinence and nervousness + +Coitus interruptus as cause of nervous disease + +Sexual hypochondria and morbid scrupulousness + +Double standard of morality + +Continence in the two sexes + +Is it really impossible to make prostitution harmless? + +A problem in sexual ethics + +Eugenics, sexual sin, ignorance, and superstition + +Is Platonic love normal? + +Female sex instinct in relation to morality + +Regulation of offspring and sexual morality + +Coitus and nightmares + +Distinctions between male and female sex instinct + +Death during sexual intercourse + +False accusation of rape + +Strikes against marriage in ancient times + +Remarkable experiment in venereal prophylaxis + +Effects of masturbation; a genuine human document + +A remarkable letter by Benjamin Franklin + + + + +[Advertisement] + + +#LOVE# + +_A Treatise on the Science of Sex Attraction_ + +By Bernard S. Talmey, M.D. + +512 Pages + +131 Illustrations + +Cloth + +_Formerly $5.00_--NOW ONLY $3.00 + +Because of the thoroughness and completeness of its contents and the +minute details discussed in each chapter, the sale of this volume +was formerly restricted to physicians. Now, however, this unusually +valuable book has been made available to the general public; to those +thoughtful men and women who desire to know the real truths and the +intimate details about sex and love. + +Partial Table of Contents + +Love and civilization + +Sex worship + +Male internal sex organs + +Female internal sex organs + +Male external genitals + +Female external genitals + +Function of testicles, spermatogenesis, function of seminal vesicles, +prostate, urethral glands, semen, erection, ejaculation, nervous +control, organism + +Function of ovaries, ovum, menstruation, uterus, female ejaculation, +function of vagina, of clitoris, course of the sexual act + +Quality of pleasure, symptoms of pleasure, orgasm, symptoms of +after-lust, intensity of libido, duration of copulation + +Love and passion, development of individual love, characteristic of +the ideal woman's love + +Emotions of eros and libido in men and in women, difference in the two +sexes, emotion of jealousy, woman's former love-affairs + +Sexual desires in the old, in infants, causes of early masturbation + +Impotence in male, satyriasis, nymphomania, continence and impotence, +excesses in copulation, practice of withdrawal, four types of +impotencies in males, female impotence, frigidity, sterility + +Engagement rules, wedding day, positions of conjugation, sequels of +great frequency, pain of defloration, conjugation during menstruation, +conjugation during pregnancy, preparation of the woman's muliebra +in partial frigidity, offspring and sexual life, sterile time for +conjugation + +History of marriage, promiscuity, consanguineous family, female +chastity, adultery, female morality and reason + +Prostitution, clandestine vice, injury of abstinence, ethics of +evolution + +This volume has never been sold at any time for less than $5.00. +But, in order to insure its widespread introduction, we offer it at a +special reduced price of only $3.00. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living, by H.W. 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Long, M.D.</title> +<style type="text/css"> + /*<![CDATA[*/ + <!-- + body { margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; } + p { text-align: justify; } + blockquote {text-align: justify;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { text-align: center; } + hr { width: 50%; } + hr.full { width: 100%; } + .foot { margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 85%; } + .poem { margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left; } + .poem .stanza { margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em; } + .poem p { margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em; } + .poem p.i2 { margin-left: 1em; } + .poem p.i4 { margin-left: 2em; } + .poem p.i6 { margin-left: 3em; } + .poem p.i8 { margin-left: 4em; } + .poem p.i10 { margin-left: 5em; } + .toc { margin-left: 15%; font-size: 80%; margin-bottom: 0em;} + center { padding: 0.8em;} + span.pagenum {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt;} + // --> + /*]]>*/ + </style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> +Project Gutenberg's Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living, by H.W. Long + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living + Some Things That All Sane People Ought To Know About Sex Nature And + Sex Functioning; Its Place In The Economy Of Life, Its Proper + Training And Righteous Exercise + + +Author: H.W. Long + +Release Date: August 12, 2004 [EBook #13161] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING *** + + + + +Produced by Michael Ciesielski, Melissa Er-Raqabi, Joshua Hutchinson +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +</pre> + + + +<h1>SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING</h1> +<hr /> +<blockquote>SOME THINGS THAT ALL SANE PEOPLE OUGHT TO KNOW ABOUT +SEX NATURE AND SEX FUNCTIONING; ITS PLACE IN THE ECONOMY OF LIFE, +ITS PROPER TRAINING AND RIGHTEOUS EXERCISE</blockquote> +<hr /> +<center>H.W. LONG, M.D.</center> +<hr /> +<center><i>AUTHORIZED EDITION</i></center> +<hr /> +<center>EUGENICS PUBLISHING CO., INC.</center> +<center>NEW YORK</center> +<center>Copyright 1919, 1922.</center> +<center>MADE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA</center> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page1" id="page1"></a>[pg +1]</span> +<p>TO MY FELLOW-MEMBERS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION INTO WHOSE +HANDS THIS BOOK MAY COME, AND TO ALL WHO MAY READ IT UNDER THEIR +DIRECTION, THIS VOLUME IS MOST SINCERELY DEDICATED BY THE +AUTHOR.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page2" id="page2"></a>[pg +2]</span> +<center>NOTE TO THE READER</center> +<p>IN ORDER TO GAIN A CORRECT IMPRESSION OF THE BOOK, IT IS +ESSENTIAL THAT IT BE READ FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END WITHOUT +ANY SKIPPING WHATSOEVER. ONCE READ, IT CAN BE RE-READ, HERE AND +THERE, AS THE READER MAY DESIRE. BUT FOR A FIRST READING, IT IS +THE EARNEST WISH OF THE AUTHOR THAT EVERY WORD BE READ, FOR IN NO +OTHER WAY CAN THE PURPOSE OF THE BOOK BE REALIZED.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page3" id="page3"></a>[pg +3]</span> +<h2>INTRODUCTION</h2> +<p>As we have moved down the ages, now and then, from the +religious teacher, the statesman, the inventor, the social +worker, or from the doctor, surgeon, or sexologist, there has +been a "<i>vox clamantis in deserto</i>." Usually these voices +have fallen on unheeding ears; but again and again some delver in +books, some student of men, some inspired, self-effacing, or +altruistic one has taken up the cry; and at last unthinking, +unheeding, superficial, self-satisfied humanity has turned to +listen.</p> +<p>Aristotle by the sure inductive method learned and taught +much, concerning the sex relations of men and women, that it +would profit us today to heed. Balzac, Luther, Michelet, Spencer, +and later, at our very doors, Krafft-Ebbing, Forel, Bloch, Ellis, +Freud, Hall, and scores of others have added their voices. All +these have seen whither we were drifting, and have made vigorous +protests according to their lights. Many of these protests should +have been heard, but were not, and only now are just beginning to +be heeded. Such pioneers in the field of proper, healthful, +ethical, religious, sane daily sex living, have been Sturgis and +Malchow, who talked earnestly to an unheeding profession of these +things, and now, I have the honor to write an introductory word +to a book in this field, that is sane, wise, practical, entirely +truthful, and unspeakably necessary.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page4" id="page4"></a>[pg +4]</span> +<p>I can endorse the teachings in Dr. Long's book more fully +because I have, for nearly a quarter of a century, been holding +similar views, and dispensing similar, though perhaps less +explicit, information. I know from long observation that the +teaching is wholesome and necessary, and that the results are +universally uplifting. Such teachings improve health, prolong +life, and promote virtue, adding to the happiness and lessening +the burdens of men, on the one hand; on the other, reducing their +crimes and vices. A book like this would have proved invaluable +to me on my entrance to the married state; but had I had it, I +might not have been forced to acquire the knowledge which enables +me now to state with all solemnity, that I personally know +hundreds of couples whose lives were wrecked for lack of such +knowledge, and that I more intimately know hundreds of others to +whom verbal teaching along the lines he has laid down, has +brought happiness, health and goodness.</p> +<p>Dr. Long advances no theories; neither do I. He has found by +studying himself and other people, a sane and salutary way of sex +living, and fearlessly has prescribed this to a limited circle +for a long time. I congratulate him for his perspicacity, +temerity, and wisdom. He offers no apology, and there is no +occasion for any. He says, "All has been set down in love, by a +lover, for the sake of lovers yet to be, in the hope of helping +them on toward a divine consummation." That is, he has developed +these ideas at home, and then spread them abroad, or, he <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page5" id="page5"></a>[pg 5]</span>has +found them abroad and brought them home; and they worked.</p> +<p>I also speak somewhat <i>ex experientia</i> and have some +intimate personal knowledge of many of these things. Therefore, I +advocate his doctrine, the more readily, and maintain that +humanity needs these ideas as much today as when M. Jules +Lemaitre wrote his late introduction to Michelet's +<i>L'Amour</i>. He said: "<i>Il ne parait pas, apres quarante ans +passes, que les choses aillent mieux, ni que le livre de Michelet +ait rien perdu de son a-propos</i>." Twenty years more have +elapsed and things have not yet become much better. Frank sex +talks like Dr. Long's teaching are as a-propos today as was +Michelet's book when it was written, or when, after forty years +had passed M. Lemaitre wrote his introduction.</p> +<p>Idealism is right, and we all approve it; so much so, that +many of us cannot see that ultra-idealism, extremism in right, +(it is foolish to attempt to attain anything better than the +best) may be wrong. Undoubtedly, entire devotion to the material +and physical, is also wrong; but we never must lose sight of the +palpable fact that, unless we have a proper, stable, natural, +well-regulated physical or material foundation, we must fall +short of all ideals. Proper physical adjustments enable the +realization of realizable ideals. Unrealizable ideals are +chimeras pursued into futurity, while a world that should be +human and happy waits in vice and misery. I gather that Dr. Long +believes that reducing this vice and misery, and increasing human +happiness and improving <span class="pagenum"><a name="page6" +id="page6"></a>[pg 6]</span>health are suitable works with which +to companion a faith in the Arbiter of our destinies.</p> +<p>If thus he develops his idea of the integrity of the universe, +I agree with him fully. His book, since it delineates the +numerous details of a normal sex life, can be sold, thanks to our +prudish public, only to the profession. I believe it should go to +the larger public as it has gone formerly to his smaller +community.</p> +<p>In spite of imperfect ideals the Orient has endured, while we +of the Occident are fast becoming decadent. We, by learning +something of the art of love, and of the natural life of married +people, from the Hindoos, may perpetuate our civilization. They, +by adopting the best of our transcendentalism, may reach higher +development than we yet have attained.</p> +<p>The time has come for a book like this to command the +attention of medical men, since now an awakened public demands +from them, as the conservers of life and the directors of +physiological living, explicit directions in everything +pertaining to the physician's calling, not omitting the intimate, +intricate, long taboo and disdained details of sex life and +procreation.</p> +<center>W.F. ROBIE, M.D.</center> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page7" id="page7"></a>[pg +7]</span> +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> +<p><a href="#page3"><b>INTRODUCTION</b></a><br /> + By Dr. W.F. Robie, author of "The Art of Love"</p> +<blockquote>Need for facts about sex and love—Present +ignorance of sex relations—Sex information improves health, +prolongs life, promotes virtue, adds to happiness—Frank +talks needed—This book describes details of normal sex +life, describes art of love, gives explicit instructions +pertaining to intimacies of sex life.</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page13"><b>FOREWORD</b></a></p> +<blockquote>Answers problems of sex life in the delicate +relations of marriage—Most people too timid to reveal +reasons for their sexual difficulties—Knowledge in a book +less embarrassing to gain—Never before could people find +facts they wanted to know most—This book prepared +especially to help husbands and wives to live wholesome sex +lives—Gives them facts all married people should +know—Explains how to use that information to make marriage +a success—Especially valuable for newlyweds if read on +honeymoon—Those now married who do not get on well together +will find in this book relief from suffering and +woe.</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page25"><b>EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION</b></a></p> +<blockquote>Wrong teachings about sex—Children brought up +in ignorance on sex matters—No information given by +parents, schools, churches—But children will find out even +if they go to wrong sources—Some one must tell the +truth—This book does it.</blockquote> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page8" id="page8"></a>[pg +8]</span> +<p><a href="#page31"><b>THE ARGUMENT AND THE +INFORMATION</b></a></p> +<blockquote>Until recently it was a crime to give knowledge +concerning sex relations—Sex knowledge denied through +selfishness or prudery—This is wrong because sex is of +highest importance to human beings—Ills, crimes, +misfortunes are result when people are forced to be ignorant of +knowledge they need—Condemned to suffer tortures when they +might enjoy delights—Sex is clean and natural—At last +sex knowledge may be given freely—Advice in this book +gained from personal and professional experience.</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page36"><b>THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE</b></a></p> +<blockquote>Definite information now given which will help +husbands and wives to find perpetual and increasing happiness all +their lives—Duty of brides and grooms to acquaint +themselves with each other's sexual needs—No man or woman +should be ashamed of the sexual make-up—They should be +proud of their sexual functions and virility—Read the book +without shame or shock—Gaining honest truth about these +matters is most essential to life.</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page40"><b>THE SEX ORGANS</b></a></p> +<blockquote>Male sex organs are penis and testicles—Size +and form of penis when at rest and during sexual +excitement—Position of testicles—Why one teste is +larger—Pubic regions in men and women. Female sex organs +are vulva, vaginal passage, womb, and ovaries—Length of +vaginal passage compared with distended penis—Size and +formation of womb—Position of ovaries.</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page44"><b>FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS</b></a></p> +<blockquote> +<p>Primary purpose of sex in the human race—Life is the +result of union of two forces—Birth the same in human +beings as in other forms of life—Process of conception in +female—How female ovum is fertilized by male—When +puberty begins and ends in women.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page9" id="page9"></a>[pg +9]</span> +<p>Menstruation, its cause and meaning—When ovum may be +impregnated—Origin of sperm in man—Purpose of +prostate gland—What semen is—For birth of new life +union of male and female sex organs necessary—Glans penis +in man and clitoris in woman are "exciting" focal +points—Climax of coitus.</p> +<p>Use of sexual organs to produce offspring same in mankind as +in animals—One way in which human beings differ from +animals in sex relations—Coitus possible in animals only in +"rutting" season—In human beings coitus enjoyable at any +time—What this difference means to happiness—The +basis of real success in marriage—Married people can reach +highest conditions of wedlock when they know and practice what is +right in sex—No "rights" conferred in sex relations through +the ceremony of marriage.</p> +<p>Different views of sexual relations for purpose of +happiness—Padlocks to prevent exercise of sexual +functions—Effect of falsehoods about sex +relations—Innocent brides and goody-good +husbands—Differences of opinion by brides and grooms lead +to terrible wrongs on marriage night—False teaching often +results in the "rape of the wedding night"—How definite +knowledge prevents this shock to bride and makes for perfect +bliss—The second kind of coitus reserved only for human +beings can bring highest physical, mental, and spiritual +well-being.</p> +</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page68"><b>THE ACT OF COITUS</b></a></p> +<blockquote> +<p>Coitus consists of four parts or acts—Where ninety-nine +one-hundredths of all married troubles begin—Usually +husband's fault due to ignorance or carelessness.</p> +<p>First part of act of coitus—Difference between men and +women in time needed for sexual readiness—Women usually +slower—Prostatic flow and precoital secretion—Coitus +harmful when either partner not fully ready for sexual +union—Taking time most important feature—Special +information for newlyweds—Woman's fear of "something new" +and of pregnancy—Husband should not insist upon "rights" +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page10" id="page10"></a>[pg +10]</span>—Evils which follow this wrong +attitude—True marriage based on mutual love—Key to +married happiness—Married love needs continual care by +husband and wife—Instructions for performing first part of +act of coitus.</p> +<p>Second part of act of coitus—Many positions +possible—Best position—Instructions for performing +second part of act of coitus.</p> +<p>Third part of act of coitus—A common mistake made by +many wives, especially young brides—Need for complete +freedom on part of woman—Length of time +required—Skill and intensity needed by husband and +wife—Instructions for performing third part of act of +coitus.</p> +<p>Fourth and final part of act of coitus—When done +correctly greatest of all human experiences—What happens to +the man—What occurs in the woman—No connection with +possibility of pregnancy—Designed by nature especially for +woman's satisfaction and pleasure—Special instruction for +husband and wife—Review of all the four parts of the act of +coitus.</p> +</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page89"><b>THE FIRST UNION</b></a></p> +<blockquote> +<p>Special conditions which must be considered when bride is to +have first sexual congress—Her state of mind—Need for +better acquaintance—What both bride and groom should know +about the woman's sex organs; where located, parts, how +constructed, sensitivity—How shape and size of mouth +indicate shape and size of woman's sex organs.</p> +<p>The hymen or "maidenhead"—Meaning of its presence or +absence—How it may be removed without danger or +pain—First union should be accomplished by mutual desire +and effort—Chances of conception in coitus—Desire for +children.</p> +<p>The right to have children when wanted—A matter of +choice—Difference between infanticide, abortion and +prevention of pregnancy—How husband and <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page11" id="page11"></a>[pg +11]</span>wife can tell when there is no danger of +impregnation—A rule of coitus which should never be +violated—What information about pregnancy may be gained +from menstrual period—Most women have two weeks of "free +time" each month—Freedom from fear an accomplishment which +adds to happiness of marriage.</p> +</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page104"><b>THE ART OF LOVE</b></a></p> +<blockquote> +<p>Must be learned and mastered because partners in marriage +often not matched physically or psychically—Ordinary cases +of physical mismatching—Difference in size of sex organs +may produce unfortunate results—How to discover physical +mismatching—How to correct it—Instructions for +overcoming physical mismatching.</p> +<p>Psychical mismatching—Differences between men and women +cause for great dissatisfaction if not known and +corrected—Instructions for correcting psychical mismatching +if husband is at fault; if wife is at fault—Extending time +of first part of coitus—Inducing pre-coital flow in +woman—Essential that first part of coitus be continued +until woman is ready for second part—Necessity for husband +to know ways to extend time of third part of +coitus—"Keeping the cap on"—What wife can do to +correct physical and psychical mismatching.</p> +<p>Sex stimulation is right and wholesome—Instructions if +normal sex relations are impossible—Special information on +sex stimulation for brides and grooms—Valuable addition to +sex knowledge.</p> +</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page128"><b>COITUS RESERVATUS</b></a></p> +<blockquote> +<p>A mental and spiritual love embrace—Fulfillment of +courting—Specially valuable during time when woman is not +"free"—Value of sexual stimulation if not carried to +excess.</p> +<p>Frequency of coitus—Men who wear themselves +out—Women who wear out their husbands—Mismatching in +sexual temperament and desire—How to <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page12" id="page12"></a>[pg +12]</span>correct it—Women who are anesthetic to sexual +desire, and how to overcome it—Impotence in men.</p> +<p>How late in life can coitus be practiced with benefit to +health—Danger of withholding sex functioning—Sex +organs able to function until late in life—Sexual desires +in women after "change in life"—Proof that Art of Love must +be learned and that it can bring lifelong happiness.</p> +</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page140"><b>CLEANLINESS</b></a></p> +<blockquote>Need for keeping body clean, sexual +reaction—Parts of body woman should be specially careful to +keep clean—Portion of body man should be specially careful +to clean—Effect of mouth and armpit odors.</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page144"><b>PREGNANCY</b></a></p> +<blockquote> +<p>Complete home with children supreme attainment of +life—Begetting children should be deliberate choice by +parents—Proper time for begetting children—Danger of +waiting too long to have children—When first child should +be born—At what age of parents should children be born.</p> +<p>Is coitus wise during pregnancy—How the Art of Love +provides for this time—Passions of women during period of +pregnancy—Criminal for husband to compel coitus upon wife +unless desired by her.</p> +</blockquote> +<p><a href="#page150"><b>CONCLUSION</b></a></p> +<blockquote> +<p>Book written with purpose of helping lover on towards divine +consummation—Two final instructions—Become master of +the Art of Love—Learn science of Procreation.</p> +<p>About married people who cannot have children—A guide to +happiness—Chief facts of true marriage.</p> +</blockquote> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page13" id="page13"></a>[pg +13]</span> +<h2>FOREWORD</h2> +<p><i>To Members of the Medical Profession into Whose Hands This +Book May Come</i>:</p> +<p>The following pages are more in the nature of a manuscript, or +heart-to-heart talk between those who have mutual confidence in +each other, than of a technical, or strictly scientific treatise +of the subject in hand; and I cannot do better, for all parties +concerned, than to explain, just here in the beginning, how this +came about, and why I have concluded to leave the copy +practically as it was originally written.</p> +<p>In common with nearly all members of our profession who are +engaged in the general practice of medicine, I have had numbers +of married men and women, husbands and wives, patients and +otherwise, who have come to me for counsel and advice regarding +matters which pertain to their sex-life, as that problem +presented itself to them personally. As we all know, many of the +most serious and complicated cases we have to deal with have +their origins in these delicate relations which so often exist +among wedded people, of all classes and varieties.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page14" id="page14"></a>[pg +14]</span> +<p>For a number of years I did what I could for these patrons of +mine, by way of confidential talks and the like, my experience in +this regard probably being about on a par with that of my medical +brethren who are engaged in the same kind of work. It is needless +to say that I found, as you have doubtless found under the same +conditions, many obstacles to prevent satisfactory results, by +this method of procedure. My patients were often so reticent, or +timid and shame-faced, that it was frequently difficult to get at +the real facts in their cases, and, as we all know, many of these +would, for these and other reasons, conceal more than they +revealed, thereby keeping out of evidence the most vital and +significant items in their individual cases. All these things, of +course, tended to make bad matters worse, or resulted in nothing +that was really worth while.</p> +<p>After some years of this sort of experience, and meditating +much on the situation, I came to the conclusion that a very large +percentage of all this trouble which I and my patrons had to go +up against, was almost entirely the result of ignorance on the +part of those who came to consult me; and because knowledge is +always the antidote for not knowing, I came to the conclusion +that, if it were possible to "put these people wise" where they +were now so uninformed, I might at once save them from a deal of +harm and myself from much trouble and annoyance.</p> +<p>Further than this, I remembered once hearing a wise man say +that often "what cannot be said<span class="pagenum"><a +name="page15" id="page15"></a>[pg 15]</span> may be sung"; and I +realized that it is equally true that much which would be +awkward, or embarrassing, if said to a person, face to face, +might be got to them in writing with impunity. This I found to be +especially true of my women patients, some of whom might become +suspicious of a wrong intent from the things said in a private +conversation, when they would have no such fears or doubts if +they read the same words from a printed page. It was these +considerations which first suggested to me the writing of the +following pages.</p> +<p>Still other reasons why I did as I did were as follows: You +see, at once, if you stop to think about it, that the writing out +of the knowledge I proposed to impart was really a matter of +necessity for me, because of the <i>saving of time</i> which +would thereby be secured. To get any results that would be worth +while in these matters, I would be required to tell about ever so +many things concerning which they were totally ignorant; and to +tell about ever so many things, by word of mouth, to each +individual patient, <i>takes time</i>—ever so much time, if +the work is well done, and it had better not be done at all if it +is not well done. So I really was forced to write out what I +wanted to teach these patients of mine.</p> +<p>And let me say further that I was compelled to write these +things out for my people as I have written them, because, in all +the range of literature on this vital subject, I knew of nothing +which would tell them just what it seemed to me they ought to be +told, and what they ought to know.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page16" id="page16"></a>[pg +16]</span> +<p>And so it was that I wrote the manuscript which is now printed +in the following pages. I did not write it at first just as it +now stands, because experience showed me, from time to time, +where my first efforts could be modified and improved. So what is +here presented is the result of many practical demonstrations of +the real working value of what the manuscript contains.</p> +<p>My method of using the copy has been something as follows: As +I have already suggested, what I have written has been prepared +for the sole and express purpose of helping husbands and wives to +live sane and wholesome sex-lives—to give them the +requisite knowledge for so doing; knowledge of themselves and of +each other as sexual beings; the correct ideas regarding such +right manner of living; to disabuse their minds of wrong +sex-teaching, or no teaching at all, of ignorance, or prudery, or +carelessness, or lust—in a word, to get to them the things +that all sane married people ought to know, and to help them to +practice these things, to the best of their several +abilities.</p> +<hr /> +<p>(Perhaps I ought to say that there is not a line of what I +have written that deals with the subject of venereal diseases, +any of them. This field is already so well covered by a +literature especially devoted to this subject that it needs no +word of mine to make it as satisfactory as possible, as far as +discoveries regarding the same have progressed. My attempt is +toward making marriage more of a <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page17" id="page17"></a>[pg 17]</span> success than it now +is, under existing conditions; and we all know that there is a +limitless field for exploration and exploitation right +there.)</p> +<p>Speaking somewhat generally, I have found what I have written +to be of special value to two classes of my patrons: First, to +the "newly-weds"; and, second, to those who have been married for +a longer or shorter period, and who "have not got on well +together." A word or two regarding each of these:</p> +<p>It is a wise old saying that "an ounce of prevention is worth +a pound of cure," and in no other experience of life is this so +true as in the ills to which married people are peculiarly +subject. Many a newly wedded couple have wrecked the +possibilities of happiness of a life time on their "honeymoon +trip"; and it is a matter of common knowledge to the members of +our profession that the great majority of brides are practically +raped on their entrance into the married relation. Further than +this, we all know that these things are as they are chiefly +because of the ignorance of the parties concerned, rather than +because they deliberately meant to do wrong. They were left to +travel, alone and unguided, over what was to them an unknown way, +one that was beset with pitfalls and precipices, and where +dangers lurked in every forward step they took. It is to these +that I have found what I have written to be a great help at the +time of their utmost need; and the thanks I have received from +such parties have been beyond the power of words to express.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page18" id="page18"></a>[pg +18]</span> +<p>As to just when it is best to put this information into the +hands of young married people, my experience has varied with the +personality of the parties concerned. In some cases I have put +the copy into their hands some time before their marriage; in +others, not till some time thereafter; but, as a rule, I have got +the best results by putting the manuscript into their hands just +at the time of their marriage, and in most of these cases the +greatest success has come from their reading it together during +their honeymoon. However, this is a matter on which I do not care +to advise, and regarding which each practitioner must act to the +best of his own judgment.</p> +<p>Once more: Because it is not safe to assume that young married +people are already possessed of the <i>details</i> of the +essential knowledge which they ought to possess, and because such +<i>details</i> are the <i>very heart</i> of the whole matter, I +have made these details as simple and explicit as possible, more +so than might seem necessary to the professional reader. But my +experience has proven that I was wise in this regard, as these +very details have saved the day in more than one case, as the +parties who have reported to me, after having read what I have +written, have frequently testified. Sometimes a bride and groom +would keep the copy for a few days only, giving it but a single +reading; but, as a rule, they have been anxious to retain it for +some time, and to read it again and again, especially some parts +of it, till they were well posted on all that it contains. I +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page19" id="page19"></a>[pg +19]</span>found, too, that those who had received help from the +reading of the manuscript were glad to tell others of their +friends of the benefits they had received, and that thus there +was a constantly widening circle.</p> +<p>Of course, not all young married people are capable of reading +this book with profit to themselves or anyone else; but many of +them are, and these ought to have the privilege of doing so. Your +own good sense and experience will determine who these latter +are, and these you can favor as they deserve. It is because of +this situation that this book can only be used professionally +that it needs the guiding hand of an expert physician to insure +its reaching only those who can be benefited by its reading.</p> +<p>As to the other class of readers, those who have not got on +well in the marriage relation (and we all know that the name of +these is legion) my experience in getting to them what I have +written has been quite varied; but, on the whole, the results +have been good—many times they have been most excellent. Of +course, it is harder to correct errors than to prevent them; but +as most of the errors I have had to deal with among this class of +patients have been made through ignorance rather than otherwise, +I have found that the establishment of knowledge in the premises +has generally brought relief where before was only suffering and +woe.</p> +<p>Another way in which I have found the copy to be of the +greatest value with these cases of unsatisfactory marital +relations is the fact that, often, by <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page20" id="page20"></a>[pg 20]</span>the parties +<i>reading the copy together</i> they have come to a mutual +understanding by so doing, and have established a <i>modus +vivendi</i> which could not have been attained in any other way. +When such parties see their doctor singly, either of them, a +prejudiced view is very apt to result, and they would seldom, if +ever, come together to consult a physician regarding their +troubles. But the <i>reading of the book together</i> makes a +condition of affairs which is very apt to work out for the best +interests of all parties concerned. Certainly, this is true, that +in no case has the reading of the book made bad matters worse, +and in many cases, (indeed in nearly all of them) it has been of +untold value and benefit to the readers.</p> +<p>And because these things are so, because what I have written +has proved its worth in so many cases, I have finally concluded +to give the copy a larger field in which it may be used by other +members of the profession besides myself. I confide it to my +fellow-members in the profession feeling sure that they will use +it among their patients with wisdom and discretion; and my hope +is that their so doing may yield for them and theirs the most +excellent results which have come to me and mine, on these lines, +in the years that have gone by.</p> +<p>Perhaps I ought to say that the somewhat unique typography of +the book, the large percentage of italics, and not a few +capitalized words that appear in the pages, comes from a +duplication of the copy I have used with my patients. I wrote the +original <span class="pagenum"><a name="page21" +id="page21"></a>[pg 21]</span>copy in this way for the sake of +giving special emphasis to special points for my readers, and the +results attained I believe were very largely due to the +typographically emphatic form of the book. Appearing in type in +this way, it gives a sort of personal touch to what is thus +presented to the eye of the reader, and the tendency of this is +to establish a heart-to-heart relation between the author and the +reader which could not be attained in any other way.</p> +<p>All through the copy I have avoided the use of technical +words, never using such a term without explaining its meaning in +plain English in the words that immediately follow it. I found +this an absolute necessity in writing so that the lay reader +could understand, in saying things that would produce +results.</p> +<p>I might say, also, that the "Introduction" to the real subject +matter of the book, I found necessary to write as it is largely +to get my readers into a proper <i>mental attitude</i> for a +reasonable recognition and understanding of what follows it. +There are so many wrong teachings and biased ideas in the +premises that these had to be counteracted or removed, to a +degree, at least, before the rest of the copy could be rightly +read. My experience is, that the preface, as it stands, has been +the means of putting the readers of the book into a right mental +attitude for its successful study and consideration. For the good +of the cause it is written to serve, and for help to those who +need help in the most sacred <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page22" id="page22"></a>[pg 22]</span>and significant +affairs of their lives, may the book go on its way, if not +rejoicing in itself, yet causing rejoicing in the lives and +hearts of all who read what its pages contain.</p> +<center>H.W.L.</center> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page25" id="page25"></a>[pg +25]</span> +<h2>SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING</h2> +<hr /> +<h2>I</h2> +<h3>AN EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION</h3> +<p>A pious Christian once said to me: "I find it hard to +reconcile sex with the purity of Providence." He never could +understand why God arranged for sex anyway. Why something else +might not have been done. Why children might not have come in +some other fashion.</p> +<p>Look at the harm sex has involved. Most all the deviltry of +history that was not done for money was done for sex. And even +the deviltry that was done and is done for money had, and has sex +back of it. Take sex out of man and you have something worth +while. God must have been short of expedients when God, in sex, +conceived sex. It certainly looks as if the Divine fell down this +time. As if infinity was at the end of its tether. As if the +adept creator for once was caught napping, or for once botched a +job.</p> +<p>So we had my pious friend. And we had medievalism. And we had +the ascetics. And heaven knows what else. Too much sex some +places. Too little sex other places. Some people swearing on and +some <span class="pagenum"><a name="page26" id="page26"></a>[pg +26]</span>swearing off. The prostitute giving away that which was +meant to be kept. The virgin keeping that which was meant to be +given away. A force contending with a force. Drawing in opposite +directions when they should be pulling together. Through it all, +motherhood misunderstood. And fatherhood misunderstood. The body +cheapened to the soul. And the soul cheapened to the body. Every +child being a slap in the face of virtue.</p> +<p>Have you ever tried to see what this came from and goes to? +This philosophy of vulgar denial? This philosophy of wallowing +surrender?</p> +<p>The Christian stream has been polluted. It has gone dirty in +the age of hush. We are supposed to keep our mouths shut. We are +not to give sex away. We breed youngsters in fatal ignorance. +They are always asking questions. But we don't answer their +questions. The church don't answer them. Nor the state. Nor the +schools. Not even mothers and fathers. Nobody who could answer +answers them. But they don't go unanswered. They get answered. +And they get answered wrong instead of right. They get answered, +smutched instead of washed. They get answered blasphemously +instead of reverently. They get answered so that the body is +suspected instead of being trusted.</p> +<p>A boy who knows nothing asks a boy who knows nothing. A girl +who knows nothing asks a girl who knows nothing. From nothing +nothing comes. Men who have been such boys know nothing. Women +who have been such girls know nothing. From nothing <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page27" id="page27"></a>[pg +27]</span>nothing comes. They have become familiar with sex +circumstances. They are parents. They have done the best they +knew how. But they never learned sex. They never realized its +fundamentals. They never went back to, or forward to it. They +were lost in a wilderness. They existed without living. They took +sex as they took whiskey. They breathed an atmosphere of hush. +They had got past the ascetics. But they had not got to be men +and women. They didn't refuse sex. But though embracing its +privileges, they still seemed to regard it as something not to be +gloried in. The least said about it the soonest mended. Mothers +and fathers would say to children: "You'll know about it soon +enough." Teachers would say: "Ask your questions at home." Home +would say: "What ever started you thinking about such +things?"</p> +<p>The child goes about wondering. What's the matter with sex +that everybody's afraid to talk about it? What's the matter with +my body that I dare not mention it? My body seems very beautiful +to me. I like to look at it. I like to feel it. I like to smell +it. But I'm always hurried into my clothes. My body is so +mysteriously precious I must take care of it. But how am I to +take care of it if I don't get acquainted with it?</p> +<p>I find that having a body has something to do with being a +father and a mother. I want to be a father. I want to be a +mother. But how can I be a father or mother if some one who knows +doesn't tell me what precedes fatherhood and motherhood? <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page28" id="page28"></a>[pg 28]</span>I +should prepare for it. How can I if all the books are closed? How +can I if I am blanked every time I express my curiosity? Is there +no one anywhere who'll be honest with me?</p> +<p>If I look at sex right out of my own soul, it seems like +something which God didn't fail with, but succeeded with. Like +something not polluted, but purified. Like something having +everything, instead of only an occasional thing, to do with life. +But the world shakes its head. The world is nasty. But it puts on +airs. The world has eaten. But the world says it's best to +starve. Folks will say they've got to be parents. But they say +they will regret it. They say sex is here. They say we're up +against its mandates or its passions. But let's be as decent as +we can with the indecent. Let's not linger on its margins. Let's +not overstay our dissipation. Sex is like eating. Who would eat +if he didn't have to? To say you enjoy a meal is carnal. To say +that you derive some sense of ecstasy from paternal and maternal +desires is a confession of depravity. Sex at the best is a +sin.</p> +<p>Sex at the best is like stepping down. That sex might be an +ascent. That sex might be the only means of growth and expansion. +You never suppose that! You only assume perdition. You are afraid +to assume heaven. I may take pride in that which I may abstract +from my anatomy. I must not allude to my body as frankly as to my +soul. I must withdraw my body from the public eye. From +discussion. From its instinctive avowals. Our bodies <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page29" id="page29"></a>[pg +29]</span>must be coffined. Treated as dead before they are born. +Regarded as conveniences. Not as essential entities. The body is +only for a little while. The soul is forever. But why is that +little while not as holy as forever? They don't say. They +cavalierly settle the case of the body against itself.</p> +<p>So it goes. Endless vivid portrayals could be made of the +anomalous situation. The more you look at the mess we've got sex +into the worse it seems. <i>Someone's got to peach.</i> Someone's +got to tell the truth. In a world of liars who are hushers? In a +world of hushers who are liars? <i>Someone's got to tell the +truth.</i> Someone's got to give sex its due. <i>You can't give +spirit its due until you give sex its due.</i> You can't accept +one and cast aside one. They go together. They are +inseparable.</p> +<p>You refer to body and soul as if you knew just where one stops +and the other commences. Maybe neither stops and neither +commences. Maybe they are not two things but two names. Maybe +when you put a body into a grave you put a soul there too. And +maybe you put neither there. It's not so easy to say.</p> +<p>I can't see anything in the things you call spiritual more +marvelous than what you call the physical birth of a baby from a +mother. Maybe you know all about it. I don't. I know nothing +about it. To me it's mysterious. To me it's the supreme +demonstration of the spiritual.</p> +<p>How that a baby comes from a man and a woman. I want that kept +clean. It starts clean. <span class="pagenum"><a name="page30" +id="page30"></a>[pg 30]</span>Why do we corrupt it? You who +disparage it corrupt it. You ascetics anywhere. You libidinous +roues anywhere. You corrupt it. By your excesses. You who never +say yes. You who never say no. You corrupt it.</p> +<p>You parents. You professors. You prudes. This is addressed to +you. What have you got to say about it? You have tremblingly +closed the question. I would coolly open it. You have rebuked God +by silence. I would praise God by speech.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page31" id="page31"></a>[pg +31]</span> +<h2>II</h2> +<h3>THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION</h3> +<p>No apology is offered for what is said in the following pages, +but a brief explanation is virtually necessary to make clear, +from the outset, the reasons why it has been written.</p> +<p>It is one of the chief characteristics of the human race that +the knowledge acquired by one generation can be passed on to the +generations that follow; and that, in this way, progress in the +betterment of life's results and the adaptation of means to ends +can make a steady and reliable advance.</p> +<p>Such a method of evolution and growth is not possible in the +vegetable or animal kingdom, where <i>instinct</i> is the only +means for the transmission of acquired knowledge. It is this +feature that differentiates man from all other created +beings.</p> +<p>But here is a curious fact: In one realm of human experiences, +in all Christian civilized countries, it has been considered +wrong, even in some cases being counted a criminal offense, +punishable by fine and imprisonment, for anyone to make any +record of, or transmit to anyone else, any knowledge that may +have been acquired regarding sex relations in the human +family.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page32" id="page32"></a>[pg +32]</span> +<p>To be sure, there has been preserved, from time to time, a +body of <i>professional</i> knowledge of this sort, made and +prepared by physicians, but <i>confined strictly to that class of +people</i>. No attempt has been made to disseminate such +knowledge among those who most need it—the common people. +On the contrary, every possible effort is put forth to keep such +knowledge from them. This is wholly at variance with the practice +regarding all other forms of human knowledge, which is to spread, +as widely as possible, all known data that have so far been +obtained.</p> +<p>There is not space, in this small volume, for pointing out the +reasons for this anomalous condition of affairs, but the chief +cause of its status, past and present, is grounded on two +sources: The first of these is a brutal selfishness which has +come over to modern times from a savage past; the second is a +sort of pious prudery.</p> +<p>The result of these causes has been to make the whole subject +of sex in the human family, with its functions and mission in +human affairs, together with its proper training, discipline and +exercise—to make all these things <i>tabu</i>, something to +be ashamed of and ignored as much as possible, and all the +knowledge regarding them that one generation has been permitted +to transmit to those who come after, may be summed up in these +words, namely "<i>Thou shalt not</i>."</p> +<p>Now it goes without saying that, in the very nature of things, +<i>all</i> this is just as bad as it can <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page33" id="page33"></a>[pg 33]</span>possibly be. For, of +all phenomena with which the human race has to do, that of the +highest importance, so far as the well-being of the race is +concerned, is that which has to do with sex in men and women. A +large percentage of all the physical ailments in mankind and +womenkind arise from errors in sexual life, and these are but +trifles compared with the mental and spiritual disasters which +come upon humanity from the same source. It is probably true that +more than one-half of all the crimes that are committed in the +civilized world are more or less directly connected with sex +affairs, and there is no so common a cause for insanity as sex +aberrations.</p> +<p>And nearly all these ills, crimes and misfortunes arise +because of <i>ignorance</i> in the matter of sex in which the +rank and file of the race are forced to live. Few of these ever +acquire any positive and definite knowledge in the premises, and +if they do learn anything for sure, <i>they keep it to +themselves</i>, inspired to do so by a false belief regarding the +rightful transmission of such knowledge; or, by a false modesty, +or prudery, they are kept from telling to anyone else what they +have discovered or found to be the truth in these matters. And so +the people stumble along in ignorance of these vital affairs in +life, generation after generation, repeating the errors of their +predecessors, and no positive progress being made as the years go +by. Because of this state of affairs millions of human beings die +every generation, and other millions suffer the tortures of the +damned while they live, when they should enjoy <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page34" id="page34"></a>[pg +34]</span>the delights of the elect, and would do so if they only +knew the actual facts in the case, and would act in accordance +with the knowledge that ought to be made theirs.</p> +<p>But there are not wanting signs of the times that there will +slowly come a change in these conditions. The fact is that the +intelligent world is beginning to emerge from a condition of +conformity to the say-so of some one supposed to speak with +authority, and to come into a realm of obedience only to a law +that has a scientific basis of actual knowledge for its +foundation.</p> +<p>For untold ages the sex relations of the human family have +been directed and determined by the clergy and by <i>their</i> +teachings and pronunciamentos regarding what was fit and right. +There is no need of saying hard things about such a fact; +nevertheless, it is true that, for the most part, all the dicta +of these men have originated amongst those who knew nothing of +the <i>scientific</i> conditions regarding the subject on which +they issue their mandates. So did the blind lead the blind, and +the ditches of the past years are filled to overflowing with the +dead bodies and souls of men and women, who, for this cause, have +fallen therein.</p> +<p>This must not always be! It is neither wise nor right that the +essential matters of human life should always remain a stumbling +block and a rock of offense for the children of men. We are +coming to see that sex is no more unclean and to be denied a +scientific knowledge of, than any other part of the <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page35" id="page35"></a>[pg +35]</span>human body—the eye, the ear or whatsoever. +Furthermore, the rank and file are beginning to clamor for a +knowledge of these matters for themselves. This is shown by the +frequency of articles that deal with sex in many of the best +newspapers and magazines in the civilized world, and by similar +discussions in the literature, the works and scientific books +that now go into the hands of the common people. It also shows in +the attempts that are occasionally being made to introduce the +subject of sexual hygiene into our public schools and other +educational institutions. "The world do move!"</p> +<p>It is for these reasons—because it is right to transfer +to you and to those who come after, the sex knowledge that has +been acquired by the author, by reading scientific and +professional literature upon the subject, by conference with men +and women who know, and by personal and professional experience, +that what follows is written.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page36" id="page36"></a>[pg +36]</span> +<h2>III</h2> +<h3>THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE</h3> +<p>So much by way of general remarks regarding the subject in +hand. It is more the especial purpose of what follows, however, +to treat of the matter of marriage in particular, <i>to say +something definite to young husbands and wives that shall be of +real benefit to them</i>, not only by way of starting them out +right in the new and untried way upon which they have entered, +but to help them to make that way a realm of perpetual and ever +increasing joy to both parties concerned, throughout its entire +course, their whole lives long.</p> +<p>Be it said, then, first, that it is the duty of every bride +and groom, before they engage in sexual commerce with each other, +to acquaint themselves thoroughly with the anatomy and physiology +of the sex organs of human beings, both male and female, and to +make the acquirement of such knowledge as dispassionate and +matter-of-fact an affair as though they were studying the nature, +construction and functions of the stomach, or the digestive +processes entire, or the nature and use of any of the other +bodily organs. "Clear and clean am I within and without; clear +and clean is every scrap and part of me, and no part shall be +held more sacred or preferred <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page37" id="page37"></a>[pg 37]</span>above another. For +divine am I, and all I am, or contain."</p> +<p>Now the normal young man or woman would do just this, would +pursue a study of sex in this way, were it not for the fact that +they have been taught, time out of mind, that to do this is +immodest, not to say indecent or positively wicked. They have +longed to be possessed of such knowledge, all their lives; in +most cases more than any other form of wisdom that it was +possible for them to make their own. But its acquirement has been +placed beyond their possible reach, and it is only by the most +clandestine and often nasty means that they have attained what +little they know. But the quotation made in the last paragraph, +sounds the key note of what is <i>right</i> in this matter, and +the first effort made by the reader of these pages should be to +establish in himself or herself the <i>condition of mind which +these lines embody.</i></p> +<p>And it had better be said, right here, that for most young +people this will be found to be no <i>easy</i> thing to do. Nor +should the reader feel ashamed or chagrined, or at odds with +himself or herself if he or she finds such condition of affairs +existing in his or her case. For it is nothing for which they are +to blame. It is a misfortune and not a fault. It is only the +result of inherited and inculcated (the word inculcated means +<i>kicked in</i>) ideas to which all "well bred" youths have been +subjected for centuries; the idea being that the closer they were +kept in the realm of innocence, which is only another name for +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page38" id="page38"></a>[pg +38]</span>ignorance, the better "bred" they are. And to pry one's +self loose, to break or tear one's self away from such a mental +view and condition as heredity and such years of rigorous +restraint have developed, is no small task. Indeed, it often +takes months, and sometimes years, wholly to rid one's self of +these deep seated and powerful, wrong views and prejudices.</p> +<p>Remember this: that <i>to the pure all things are pure.</i> +But do not make the mistake of thinking that this much abused +sentence means that purity means <i>emptiness</i>! It does no +such thing. On the contrary, it means <i>fullness</i>, to +<i>perfection</i>. It means that one should be possessed of the +right kind of stuff, and that the stuff should be of supreme +quality. So, in studying to obtain a knowledge of sex organs and +sex functions, in the human family, the reader should not try to +divest himself or herself of all sex-passion and desire; but, on +the contrary, to make these of a sort of which he or she can be +<i>proud</i>, rather than <i>ashamed</i> of, rejoice in, rather +than suffer from.</p> +<p>So, then, let the reader of these lines, first, get a correct +<i>mental attitude</i> toward what is about to be said. Banish +all prurient curiosity, put aside all thought of shame or shock, +(these two will be hardest for young women to overcome, because +of their training in false modesty and prudishness) and endeavor +to approach the subject in a reverent, open-eyed, conscientious +spirit, as one who wishes, above everything else, to know the +honest truth in these most essential matters that pertain to +human life. <span class="pagenum"><a name="page39" +id="page39"></a>[pg 39]</span>Get into this frame of mind, and +<i>keep in it</i>, and what is here written will be read with +both pleasure and profit.</p> +<p>Once more, for we must make haste slowly in these delicate +affairs, if the reader should find himself or herself unduly +excited, or perhaps shocked, while reading some parts of what is +here written, so that the heart beats too fast, or the hand +trembles, it may be well to suspend the reading for a time, +divert the mind into other channels for a while, and resume the +reading after one has regained poise and mastery of one's self. +That is, "<i>keep your head</i>" while you read these lessons, +and you will be all right.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page40" id="page40"></a>[pg +40]</span> +<h2>IV</h2> +<h3>THE SEX ORGANS</h3> +<p>And now, having given these cautionary directions, the way is +clear for the making of definite statements and the giving of +positive instruction.</p> +<p>Here, then, is a brief description of the sex organs in man +and woman. At first, only the names of the parts will be given, +with such slight comments and explanations as are necessary for +making this part of the subject clear. A detailed setting forth +of the functions and proper exercise of these organs will be +given later.</p> +<p>The sex organs in a male human being consists, broadly +speaking, of the penis and the testicles. All these are located +at the base of the abdomen, between the thighs and on the forward +part of the body. The penis is a fleshy, muscular organ, filled +with most sensitive nerves, and blood vessels that are capable of +extension to a much greater degree than any of their similars in +other parts of the body. In a quiescent, or unexcited condition, +in the average man, this organ is from three to four inches long +and about an inch or more in diameter. It hangs limp and pendent +in this state, retired and in evidence not at all. In its +excited, or tumescent condition <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page41" id="page41"></a>[pg 41]</span>(the word tumescent +means swelled, and is the technical word for describing the erect +condition of the penis) it becomes enlarged and rigid, its size +in this state being, on an average, six or seven inches long, and +from an inch-and-a-half to two inches in diameter. It is almost +perfectly cylindrical, slightly thicker at the base than at its +forward part.</p> +<p>The testicles are two kidney shaped glands, not far from the +size of a large hickory nut, and are contained in a sort of sack, +or pocket, called the scrotum, which is made for their +comfortable and safe carrying. The scrotum hangs directly between +the thighs, at the base of the penis, and in it are the +testicles, suspended by vital cords that are suspended from the +body above. The left testicle hangs a little higher in the sack +than the right, so that, in case the thighs are crowded together, +one testicle will slip over the other, and so the danger of +crushing them will be avoided. This is one of the many ways which +the Maker of the human body has devised to insure the proper +preservation of the vital organs from harm, a fact which should +inspire all human beings with profound reverence for this most +wonderful of all life forms, the beautiful human body, the +"temple of the Holy Spirit."</p> +<p>The part of the body upon which the sex organs, male and +female, are located is known as the pubic region. It is covered +with hair, which, in both sexes, extends well up the lower belly. +This is known as pubic hair, and in general corresponds in +quality and quantity to the hair upon the individual head, <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page42" id="page42"></a>[pg +42]</span>being coarse or fine, soft or bristly, to match, the +head covering, in each case. This hair is usually more or less +curly, and forms a covering an inch or more in depth over the +whole pubic region, extending back between the thighs slightly +beyond the rectum. In occasional cases this hair is straight and +silky, and sometimes grows to great length, instances being +known, in some women, where it has extended to the knees. A +well-grown and abundant supply of fine pubic hair is a possession +highly prized by women, of which they are justly proud, though +few of them would acknowledge the fact, even to themselves. None +the less it is a fact.</p> +<p>The female sex organs, speaking generally also, are as +follows: The vulva, or outward portion of the parts; the vaginal +passage; the uterus, or womb, and the ovaries. All but the first +named lie within the body of the woman. The vulva is made up of +several parts which will be named and described later. The +vaginal passage is a tube, or canal leading from the vulva to the +womb. In length and diameter it corresponds almost exactly with +that of the penis, being six or seven inches in depth, and +capable of a lateral extension which will readily admit the +entrance of the male organ when the two are brought together. The +vaginal passage opens into, and terminates in the uterine, or +womb cavity.</p> +<p>The womb is a pear shaped sack which is suspended in the womb +cavity by cords and muscles from above. It hangs, neck downwards, +and is, in its unimpregnated condition, about two and a half +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page43" id="page43"></a>[pg +43]</span>inches in diameter at its upper, or widest part, +tapering to a thin neck at its lower end. It is hard and muscular +in its quiescent state, filled with delicate and most sensitive +nerves and capacious blood vessels. At its lower, or neck end, it +opens directly into the vaginal passage.</p> +<p>The ovaries are two in number, and are situated on each side +of, and above the womb, in the region of the upper groins. They +are small, fan shaped glands, and are connected with the uterus +by small ducts which are known as the fallopian tubes.</p> +<p>As already stated, the exterior parts of the body, in which +the female sex organs are located, are covered with hair for +their adornment and protection.</p> +<p>Such in brief, are the male and female sex organs in human +beings. A further description of them and their functions and +proper use we are now ready to consider.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page44" id="page44"></a>[pg +44]</span> +<h2>V</h2> +<h3>THE FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS</h3> +<p>It hardly need be stated here, for it is a matter of common +knowledge, that the <i>primary</i> purpose of sex in the human +family is the reproduction of the race. In this respect, +considered merely on its material, or animal side, mankind +differs little from all other forms of animate life. As Whitman +says, we see "everywhere sex, everywhere the urge of +procreation." The flowers are possessed of this quality, and with +them all vegetable forms. In the animal kingdom the same is true. +Always "male and female" is everything created.</p> +<p>And the chief facts in reproduction are practically the same +wherever the phenomena occur. Here, as everywhere else in the +world, when a new life-form appears, it is always the result of +the union of <i>two</i> forces, elements, germs or whatsoever. +These two elements differ in nature and in function, and each is +incomplete and worthless by itself. It is only by the combining +of the two that any new result is obtained. It is this fact that +has led to the most suggestive and beautiful phrase "The duality +of all unity in nature."</p> +<p>Many centuries ago an old Latin philosopher wrote the now +celebrated phrase, <i>Omne ex ovo</i>, which, <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page45" id="page45"></a>[pg +45]</span>translated, means <i>everything is from an egg</i>. +This is practically true of all life-forms. Their beginning is +always from an ovum, or egg. In this respect, the reproduction of +human beings is the same as that of any other life-form.</p> +<p>Now in this process of producing a new life-form, the female +is always the source of the egg, out of which the new creation is +to come. This egg, however, is infertile of itself, and must be +given life to, by mingling with its germ, an element which only +the male can produce and supply. This element is technically +known as a sperm, or a spermatozoa. Its function is to fertilize +the dormant germ in the egg produced by the female, and thus to +start a new and independent life-form. This life-form, thus +started, grows according to the laws of its becoming more and +more, until, at the expiration of a fixed period, which varies +greatly in different animals, it becomes a complete young +individual, of the nature and kind of its parents. The +fertilization of the ovum in the female is called conception; its +growing state is called gestation, and its birth, on becoming a +separate being, is called parturition. In its growing condition, +and before its birth, the new young life form is known as the +foetus.</p> +<p>Now it is the fertilization of the ovum in the female (and +from now on, it is only of the male and female in the human +family that mention will be made) by the male, in the woman, by +the man, that is of supreme interest and importance to both the +parties concerned in producing this result. How this <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page46" id="page46"></a>[pg 46]</span>is +brought about is substantially as follows:</p> +<p>As already stated, the infertile ovum, or egg, is produced by +the woman. Such production begins at what is known as the age of +puberty, or when the hair begins to grow upon the pubic parts of +the female body. The time of the appearance of this phenomenon in +feminine life varies from the age of nine or ten years to fifteen +or sixteen. The average, for most girls, is fourteen years of +age. At this time the formation of ova, or eggs, in the female +body begins, and it continues, in most women, at regular +intervals of once in twenty-eight days, except during pregnancy +and lactation, for a period of about thirty years. During all +this time, under favorable conditions, it is possible for the +ovum produced by the woman to become fertilized, if it can meet +the sperm of the male.</p> +<p>In a general way, this meeting of the infertile ovum of the +woman with the sperm of the man can be brought about, as +follows:</p> +<p>The ova are produced by the ovaries (the word ovaries means +egg producers) where they slowly develop from cells which +originate in these glands. When they have reached maturity, or +are ready for fertilization, they pass out of the ovaries and +down into the womb, by way of the fallopian tubes. As already +stated, such passage of the ova from the ovaries into the womb +occurs every twenty-eight days, and it is accomplished by a more +or less copious flow of blood, a sort of hemorrhage, which +carries the ova down through the fallopian tubes, <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page47" id="page47"></a>[pg +47]</span>and deposits them in the womb. This blood, after +performing its mission of carrying the ova down into the womb, +escapes from the body through the vaginal passage and is cared +for by the wearing of a bandage between the thighs. This flow of +blood continues for about five days, and is known as a menstrual +flow; and this time in a woman's life is known as the menstrual +period. It is so named because of the regularity of its +recurrence, the word <i>mensa</i> meaning a <i>month</i>. In +common parlance, these periods are often spoke of as the +"monthlies."</p> +<p>After the ovum has reached the womb it remains there for a +period of about ten days, after which, if it is not fertilized +during that time, it passes out of the womb into the vaginal +passage, and so out of the body. But if, at any time after it is +ripe for fertilization, that is, from the time it begins its +journey from the ovaries to the womb, and while it is in the +womb, the ovum is met by the male sperm, it is <i>liable</i> to +become fertilized—conception is possible. These are facts +of the <i>utmost importance</i>, to be thoroughly understood and +kept well in mind by all married people who would live happily +together, as will be hereafter shown.</p> +<p>So much regarding the female part of the meeting of the ovum +and the sperm. The male part of this mutual act is as +follows:</p> +<p>The sperm, or spermatozoa, originate in the testicles. Each +sperm is an individual entity and <i>several thousands</i> of +them are produced and in readiness for use, <i>at each +meeting</i> of the male and female <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page48" id="page48"></a>[pg 48]</span>generative organs; +and if <i>any one</i> of the countless number comes in contact +with the unfertilized ovum in the womb, conception is +<i>liable</i> to result.</p> +<p>These sperms are so small that they are not visible to the +naked eye, but they are readily seen by the use of a microscope. +In shape they much resemble tad-poles in their earliest +stages.</p> +<p>At the base of the penis, well up in the man's body, there is +a large gland which surrounds the penis like a thick ring, and +which is called the prostate gland. It secretes a mucous fluid +which looks much like, and is about the consistency of the white +of an egg. Close to this gland, and almost a part of it, is a +sack, or pocket, into which the mucous secretion from the +prostate gland is poured, and where it is kept, ready for use, in +performing its part of the germinal act.</p> +<p>Now it is the business of this mucous fluid, which comes from +the prostate gland, to form a "carrying medium" for the +spermatozoa which originate in the testicles. There are small +ducts leading from the testicles into the pocket which contains +the prostate fluid. These are known as the seminal ducts, and +through them the spermatozoa pass from the testicles into the +prostate pocket. Here they mingle with the prostate fluid, in +which they can move about freely, and by means of which they can +be carried wherever this fluid goes. The combination of prostate +fluid and spermatozoa is called "semen."</p> +<p>Seen under a microscope, a single drop of semen reveals a +multitude of spermatozoa swimming about <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page49" id="page49"></a>[pg 49]</span>in the +prostate-carrying medium. It is in this form that the vitalizing +male element meets the female infertile ovum. This mass of live +and moving germs is poured all around and about the region in +which the ovum lies waiting to be fertilized, and every one of +them seems to be "rushing about like mad" to find what it is sent +to do, namely, to meet and fertilize the ovum. The manner of +depositing the semen where it can come in contact with the ovum +is as follows:</p> +<p>In order that this mingling of the male and female sources of +life may be possible, it is necessary that there be a union of +the male and the female generative organs. For such meeting, the +penis is filled with blood, all its blood vessels being distended +to their utmost capacity, till the organ becomes stout and hard, +and several times its dormant size, as has been already told. In +this condition it is able to penetrate, to its utmost depths, the +vaginal passage of the female, which is of a nature to perfectly +contain the male organ in this enlarged and rigid condition. +Under such conditions, the penis is inserted into the widened and +distended vaginal passage. Once together, a mutual back and +forth, or partly in and out movement, of the organs is begun and +carried on by the man and woman, which action further enlarges +the parts and raises them to a still higher degree of tension and +excitement. It is supposed by some that this frictional movement +of the parts develops an electrical current, which increases in +tension as the act is continued; and that it is the <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page50" id="page50"></a>[pg +50]</span>mission of the pubic hair, which is a non-conductor, to +confine these currents to the parts in contact.</p> +<p>Now there are two other glands in these organs; one in the +male and one in the female, which performs a most wonderful +function in this part of the sexual act. These are the "glans +penis" in the male and the "clitoris" in the female. The first is +located at the apex of the male organ, and the other at the +upper-middle and exterior part of the vulva. These glands are +covered with a most delicate cuticle, and are filled with highly +sensitive nerves. As the act progresses, these glands become more +and more sensitized, and nervously surcharged, until, as a +climax, they finally cause a sort of nervous explosion of the +organs involved. This climax is called an "orgasm" in scientific +language. Among most men and women it is spoken of as +"spending."</p> +<p>On the part of the man, this orgasm causes the semen, which +till this instant has remained in the prostate pocket, to be +suddenly driven out of this place of deposit, and thrown in jets, +and with spasmodic force, through the entire length of the penis, +and, as it were, shot into the vaginal passage and the uterine +cavity, till the whole region is literally deluged with the +life-giving fluid. At the same time, the mouth of the womb opens +wide; and into it pours, or rushes, this "father stuff," entirely +surrounding and flooding the ovum, if it be in the womb. This is +the climax of the sexual act, which is called "coitus," a word +which means, going together.</p> +<p>With the myriads of spermatozoa swarming <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page51" id="page51"></a>[pg +51]</span>about it, if the vital part of the ovum comes in +contact with some one of them, any one of which, brought into +such contact, will fertilize it, conception results. The woman is +then pregnant, and the period of gestation is begun.</p> +<p>This is a brief description of the act of coitus and of the +means by which pregnancy takes place. It is, however, only a +small part of the story of the sex relations of husbands and +wives; and, be it said, a <i>very</i> small part of that, as will +now be shown.</p> +<p>As has already been said, this use of the sex organs, merely +to produce progeny, and so insure a continuance of the race, is a +quality that mankind shares with all the rest of the animal +kingdom. In all essentials, so far as the material parts of the +act are concerned, the beginnings of the new life in the human +family differ not a whit from that of any other mammals. In each +case the ovum is produced by the ovaries of the female, passes +into the womb, is there met by the semen from the male, +fertilized by the spermatozoa, and so the foetus gets its start. +This is the universal means by which the beginnings of all animal +reproductive life takes place.</p> +<p>But there is another phase in the sex life of human beings, +which is <i>entirely different</i> from that of all other +animals, and which must therefore be considered beyond all that +needs to be said regarding the act of coitus for reproductive +purposes only. This we are now ready to consider and study.</p> +<p>Now in all animals, except human beings, the act of coitus is +only permitted by the female, (it would <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page52" id="page52"></a>[pg 52]</span>seem is only +<i>possible</i> for her) when the ovum is present in the womb and +ready to be fertilized. <i>At all other times, all female +animals, except woman, are practically sexless</i>. Their sexual +organs are dormant, and <i>nothing can arouse them</i> to +activity. Not only do they fail to show any desire for coitus, +but if an attempt should be made to force it upon them, <i>they +would resist it</i> to the utmost of their strength.</p> +<p>But when the ovum is present in the womb, these same female +animals are beside themselves with desire for coitus. They are +then spoken of as "in heat." And until they are satisfied, by +meeting the male and procuring from him the vitalizing fluid +which will fertilize their infertile ovum; or, failing in this, +until the ovum passes away from them, out of the womb, they know +no rest. At such times they will run all risks, incur all sorts +of danger, do every possible thing to secure pregnancy. The +thousand-and-one ways which female animals use to make known to +their male mates their sexual desire and needs, when in heat, is +a most interesting and wonderful story, a record made up of facts +which would be well worth any student's knowing. But as all such +knowledge can readily be procured from books which are within the +reach of all, there is no need of noting the data here.</p> +<p>But now, <i>in woman, all these things are different!</i> As a +matter of fact, the presence of the ovum in the womb of a +normally made woman <i>makes little, and, in many cases, no +difference whatever</i> as regards her status concerning the act +of coitus! That is, <span class="pagenum"><a name="page53" +id="page53"></a>[pg 53]</span>women are never "in heat," in the +same sense in which other female animals are. To be sure, in some +cases, though they are rare, some women are conscious of a +greater desire for coitus just after the ceasing of the menstrual +flow; that is, when the ovum is in the womb. But such cases are +so infrequent that they may well be counted atavistic, that is, +of the nature of a tendency to return to a previous merely animal +condition. For the most part, it is true of all normal women that +the presence of the ovum in the womb makes little difference, one +way or another, in regard to their desire for, or aversion to, +the act of coitus.</p> +<p>Now the fact of this remarkable difference in the sex-status +of women and the same quality in all other female animals leads +us to a great number of interesting, not to say startling, +conclusions, some of which are as follows:</p> +<p>In the first place, the phenomenon clearly establishes the +fact that sex in the female human being <i>differs, +pronouncedly</i>, from that of all other female life. For, +whereas, among all females except woman, coitus is +<i>impossible</i>, except at certain times and seasons, among +women the act can not only be permitted, but is as much possible +or <i>desired</i> at one time as any other, regardless of the +presence or absence of the ovum in the womb. That is (and this +point should be noted well by the reader) there is a +<i>possibility</i>, on the part of the female humanity, for +coitus, <i>under conditions that do not at all obtain in any +other female animal life</i>.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page54" id="page54"></a>[pg +54]</span> +<p>This is a conclusion which is of such far-reaching importance +that its limits are but dimly recognized, even in the clear +thinking of most married people. The fact of such difference is +known to them, and their practices in living conform to the +conditions; but what it all means, they are entirely ignorant of, +<i>and they never stop to think about it</i>.</p> +<p>And yet, <i>right here is the very center and core of the real +success or failure of married life</i>! Around this fact are +grouped all the troubles that come to husbands and wives. About +it are gathered all the joys and unspeakable delights of the +happily married—the only truly married. It is these items +which make a knowledge of the real conditions which exist, +regarding this part of married life, of such supreme importance. +If these conditions could be rightly understood, and the actions +of husbands and wives could be brought to conform to the laws +which obtain under them, <i>the divorce courts would go out of +business</i>, their occupation, like Othello's, would be "gone +indeed."</p> +<p>The first conclusion, then, one that is forced upon the +thoughtful mind by the fact of this difference in the sex +possibilities of women and other female animals, is, as already +stated, but which is here repeated for emphasis, that coitus +<i>can</i> be engaged in <i>by women</i> when <i>pregnancy</i> is +<i>not</i> its purpose, on her part; and that <i>this never +occurs in any other form of female life!</i></p> +<p>In view of this fact, is it too much to raise the question +whether or not sex in woman is designed to <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page55" id="page55"></a>[pg +55]</span>fulfill any other purpose than that of the reproduction +of the race? True it is, that the <i>only</i> function of sex in +all other females is merely that of producing offspring—of +perpetuating its kind. Under no circumstances does it <i>ever</i> +serve <i>any</i> other end, fulfill any other design. <i>There is +no possibility of its doing so</i>!</p> +<p>But one can help wondering if it is not true that, with the +existence of the <i>possibility</i> of engaging in coitus <i>at +will</i>, rather than at the bidding of <i>instinct</i> alone, +there has also come a <i>new</i> and <i>added</i> function for +the sex-natures that are capable of engaging in such +before-unknown experiences? To a fair-minded person, such +conclusion seems not only logical, but irresistible! That is in +view of this conclusion, it naturally follows that sex in the +human family is <i>positively designed to fulfill a function that +is entirely unknown to all other forms of animal life</i>. And +from this, it is but a step to the establishment of the fact that +<i>sex exercise in the human family serves a purpose other than +that of reproduction</i>!</p> +<p>Now, this fact established, a whole world of new issues arises +and demands settlement. Among these, comes the supreme question: +<i>What is the nature of this new experience that has been +conferred upon human beings, over and above what is vouchsafed to +any other form of animal life? What purpose can it serve? How can +it be properly exercised? What is right and what is wrong under +these new possibilities</i>? These are some of the issues that +<i>force</i> themselves upon all thoughtful people, <i>those who +wish to <span class="pagenum"><a name="page56" +id="page56"></a>[pg 56]</span>do right under any and all +circumstances in which they are placed</i>.</p> +<p>Of course, here as elsewhere, the unthinking, the +happy-go-lucky and the "don't-give-a-damn," can blunder along in +almost any-old-way. But they can, and will, reap only the reward +which always follows blundering and ignorance. In these days of +scientific clear-thinking, we have come to understand that +<i>salvation from sin comes by the way of positive knowledge and +not at the hands of either ignorance or innocence</i>! If +husbands and wives ever attain to the highest conditions of +married life, it can only be after they <i>know and practice, +what is right in all their sex relations, both for reproductive +purposes and in all other respects! Note that well</i>!</p> +<p>As things are now, especially in all civilized countries, and +particularly among Christian people, this <i>secondary</i> +function of sex in the human family, while blindly recognized as +a fact, is none the less abused, to a most shameful degree. For +ages, the whole situation has been left in a condition of most +deplorable, not to say damnable, ignorance; and no honest +endeavor has been made to find out and act up to the truth in the +premises. Husbands and wives have engaged in coitus <i>ad +libitum</i>, utterly regardless of whether it was right or wrong +for them to do so! They have taken it for granted that +<i>marriage</i> conferred on them the <i>right</i> to have sexual +intercourse whenever they chose, (especially when the man chose,) +and they have acted accordingly. This is especially true of men, +and the practice has been <span class="pagenum"><a name="page57" +id="page57"></a>[pg 57]</span>carried to such length that the +right of a man to engage in coitus with his wife <i>has been +established by law</i>, and the wife who refuses to yield this +"right" to her husband can be divorced by him, if she persists in +such way of living! It is such a fact as this which caused Mr. +Bernard Shaw to write: "Marriage is the most licentious +institution in all the world." And he might rightfully have added +"it is also the most brutal," though it is an insult to the brute +to say it that way, for brutes are never guilty of <i>coitus +under compulsion. But a husband can force his wife to submit to +his sexual embraces, and she has no legal right to say him +nay!</i> This doesn't seem quite right, does it?</p> +<p>Now there are several different ways of viewing this new and +added sexual possibility in the human family, namely, the act of +coitus for other than reproductive purposes. The Catholic church +has <i>always</i> counted it as a sin. Popes have issued edicts +regarding it, and conclaves of Bishops have discussed it and +passed resolutions regarding it. There has always been a +difference of opinion upon the subject amongst these dignitaries +and authorities, but they all agree in one respect, namely, that +it is a <i>sin</i>. The only point of difference has been as to +the extent or enormity of the sin! By some it has been reckoned +as a "deadly sin," punishable by eternal hell fire, if not duly +absolved before death; by others it has been held to be only a +"venial sin," one that must always be confessed to the priest +when coitus is engaged in, and which can be pardoned by the +practice <span class="pagenum"><a name="page58" +id="page58"></a>[pg 58]</span>of due penance. <i>But, always, it +was a sin</i>!</p> +<p>The Protestant church has never issued edicts regarding this +matter, but, for the most part, it has tacitly held to the +Catholic teaching in <i>theory</i>, while universally +<i>practicing</i> the reverse, in actual married life. +Protestants have looked upon it as a necessity, but have taught +that it was <i>regrettable</i> that such was the case. They have +held, with Paul, that, "it is better to marry than to burn." And +most of them have chosen the marriage horn of the dilemma.</p> +<p>Among some European nations, attempts have been made to make +it impossible for husbands and wives to cohabit except for +reproductive purposes. In one of these nations, padlocks were +used for preventing the act. A slit was made through the foreskin +of the penis, and through this slit the ring of a padlock was +passed, much as an ear-ring is passed through the lobe of a +lady's ear. The padlock was made so large that it could not be +introduced into the vaginal passage, and so coitus was impossible +when it was worn. It could only be removed by the magistrate into +whose hands the regulation of this part of the citizens' life was +given. Specimens of these padlocks are still to be seen in +European museums.</p> +<p>Now the terribly immoral thing in all this way of living has +always been the fact that it <i>compelled</i> people to +continually <i>violate their consciences</i>, by +<i>pretending</i> to <i>believe</i> one thing and constantly +<i>practicing</i> the reverse of their proclaimed belief. That +is, it lured them into <i>living a continual lie, and such <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page59" id="page59"></a>[pg +59]</span>can never be for the good of the soul</i>! It goes +without saying that the sooner this abominable way of living can +be ended, the better it will be for all parties +concerned—the individuals who are the victims of such +falsehood, and the communities of which they form a part.</p> +<p>From all this it follows that the first thing every new +husband and wife <i>ought</i> to do is to <i>settle clearly in +their own minds the issue as to whether it is right or wrong for +them to engage in coitus for any other than procreative +purposes</i>. Having settled this point, one way or the other, +then <i>let them conscientiously act accordingly. For only so can +they live righteous lives</i>!</p> +<p>In settling this point, so far as available authorities for +the young people to study and consider are concerned, these are +all <i>against</i> coitus except for begetting of off-spring. All +the "purity" writers and Purity Societies are ranged together on +the negative side. Likewise are all the books of "advice to young +wives and husbands," especially those addressed to young +<i>wives</i>.</p> +<p>Now all these "authorities" base their whole argument upon the +purely <i>animal</i> facts in the premises. Probably a certain +Dr. C. is more largely read for information on these matters than +any other author, especially among young women. He has written a +large, and from the view-point he takes, a very plausible volume; +and it is very extensively advertised, especially in papers which +young women read. The result is that it has come to be almost a +standard <span class="pagenum"><a name="page60" +id="page60"></a>[pg 60]</span>authority in these affairs.</p> +<p>Dr. C.'s argument is, baldly, as follows:—(a) Among +animals, the universal practice is a single act of coitus for +each begetting of off-spring, (b) Human beings are animals, (c) +Therefore, human beings should only engage in coitus for +reproductive purposes.</p> +<p>To this syllogism he adds a corollary, which is, that, +therefore, all sexual commerce in the human family, for any other +than reproductive purposes, is <i>wrong.</i> These are his texts, +so to speak, and through several hundred pages he preaches, +<i>don't, don't, don't,</i> sermons. The entire volume is one of +denial and prohibition. He proclaims the act, even for the one +purpose he allows to be right, as low, and in itself degrading, +to be engaged in only after "prayer and fasting" and "mortifying +the flesh," and even then, in the most passionless, and only +done-because-it-has-to-be manner; as a mere matter of duty; to be +permitted by sufferance; joyless, disgusting in itself; a +something to be avoided, even in thought, other than it is a +necessity for the continuance of the race.</p> +<p><i>It is from such data as this that thousands of "innocent" +brides annually make up their minds as to what is right or wrong +in the matter of sexual intercourse.</i></p> +<p>In doing this, most of these young women are perfectly +conscientious, and want to do the right thing, and there are two +items in the count that naturally lead them to accept Dr. C.'s +teachings <span class="pagenum"><a name="page61" +id="page61"></a>[pg 61]</span>as correct. The first is, that it +coincides with all they have ever heard about such matters; the +second, that the Doctor flavors all his text with a religious +quality, of the alleged most sacred sort. He instances saintly +women who have lived the most ascetic lives, and whose religious +status was achieved because, and by means of, their perfect +chastity. In fact, this word "chastity" (which he translates as +entire renunciation of the whole sex nature) becomes the test +word of his whole treatise, and its practice is upheld as the +true road to all goodness and virtue.</p> +<p>Now, nearly all well-bred and cultivated young women are +naturally religious (and not a word should be said against their +being so) and they are anxious to time their lives to everything +that the highest religious demands prescribe. It is, therefore, +most natural that, being thus taught by an authority for which +they have the highest regard, they enter marriage with the +<i>fixed opinion</i> in accordance with their teaching. How could +it be otherwise?</p> +<p>On the other hand, a few young husbands, indeed none but now +and then a "goody-good" (who usually turns out to be the worst of +the whole lot, in course of time), are willing to "stand for" any +such theory, much less to live any such life as this theory would +impose. These "don't care what the book says," and, from the +manner of their bringing up, from all they have learned or heard +by hearing <i>men</i> talk about married life, (which is usually +of the most vulgar sort) they have come to the conclusion that +marriage confers upon the parties the <i>right</i> to engage +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page62" id="page62"></a>[pg +62]</span>in sexual commerce at will; and, especially, that the +husband has the <i>right</i> to the body of his wife <i>whenever +he chooses</i>. For, indeed, does not the law give him that +right! And so long as one "keeps inside the law" what more could +be asked! Yea, verily! What more could be asked?</p> +<p>So it is that <i>most brides and bridegrooms go to their +marriage bed with the most widely diverse views as to what is +right and wrong in the premises</i>—as to the life they +will lead in their new estate. The young wife is for "purity" and +"chastity." The young husband, driven by a passion which he has +long held in thrall, in the belief that he can now give the +fullest vent to it, when he has got where such relief is +possible, is like an excited hound when it seizes its prey, which +he fully believes he has the right to deal with as he pleases! +What wonder that, in view of all these circumstances, the most +extensive observer of marriage-bed phenomena should write: "<i>As +a matter of fact, nine young husbands in ten practically rape +their brides at their first sexual meeting." Could anything be +more horrible, or criminally wicked</i>? And it is all so +needless! It is all the result of ignorance, of "innocence," and +the worst of false teaching. The pity of it!</p> +<p>True, these unfortunate conditions are often modified by +"mother nature," who inspires the bride with curiosity, which, in +a measure, controls her in spite of her false teachings, and with +passion, which, to a degree, will assert itself over and above +all false modesty, her religious scruples and her fear of +pregnancy; <span class="pagenum"><a name="page63" +id="page63"></a>[pg 63]</span>and so she <i>may</i> come through +the ordeal of introduction to the act of coitus in a fairly sane +condition of mind, even though she may have practically been +<i>raped</i>! But, too often, the result of such first contact is +<i>a shock to the bride from which she may not recover during all +the subsequent years of married life</i>! And "here is where the +trouble lies," for untold thousands of married men and women, all +over the civilized world, to-day. And it might all be so +different! It ought, <i>in every case</i>, to be all so +different! But if it ever does become different, <i>knowledge</i> +has got to take the place of "<i>innocence"</i> on the part of +the <i>bride</i>, and of <i>ignorance</i> on the part of the +<i>bridegroom</i>, both of whom must be <i>taught</i> to "<i>Know +what they are about</i>" before they engage in the sexual act, +and be able to meet each other sanely, <i>righteously, +lovingly,</i> because they both <i>desire</i> what each has to +give to the other; in a way in which neither claims any +<i>rights</i>, or makes any <i>demands</i> of the other—in +a word, in <i>perfect concord</i> of agreement and action, of +which mutual love is the inspirer, and <i>definite knowledge</i> +the directive agent.</p> +<p>Such a first meeting of bride and bridegroom will be no raping +affair. There will be no shock in it, no dread, no shame or +thought of shame; but as perfectly as two drops of water flow +together and become one, the bodies and souls of the parties to +the act will mingle in a unity the most perfect and blissful that +can ever be experienced by human beings in this world. This is no +dream! It is a most blessed reality, which all normally made +husbands and wives <span class="pagenum"><a name="page64" +id="page64"></a>[pg 64]</span>can attain to, if only they are +properly <i>taught and educated</i>, if only they will learn how +to reach such blissful condition.</p> +<p>However, such greatly desired status is not to be had for the +asking merely. <i>Instinct can never bring it about; +"innocence"</i> will never yield such a result; and <i>force</i>, +or the declaration of a "<i>right</i>" in the premises will +forever banish it to the realm of the never-to-be-realized. It +can only come as a result of clear-headed thinking, scientific +investigation, honest study, wise and righteous action under the +given conditions; and, above all, <i>a love, each for the other, +that knows no bounds</i>. All these things <i>must</i> obtain, +<i>on the part of both parties concerned</i>, or the desired +results can <i>never</i> be attained.</p> +<p>Having said which, here shall follow some suggestions as to +how such estate may be reached by the readers of these pages.</p> +<p>But first, let us finish Dr. C., and all of his +tribe—banish them from all our reckoning in these matters, +forever.</p> +<p>As already shown, this argument has not a leg to stand on. +These writers treat the whole situation as though men and women +were <i>mere animals! Men and women are far more than mere +animals, and God hath made them so</i>! And for these reasons we +will have respect for men and women as <i>God has made them</i>, +rather than as Dr. C. and the "purity leagues" say God +<i>should</i> have made them!</p> +<p>As a matter of fact, the secondary function of sex in the +human family is something <i>far above</i> mere <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page65" id="page65"></a>[pg +65]</span>animality; it is something that mere animals know +nothing about, that they can never experience, or in any way +attain to, and these <i>fundamental differences</i> in the +premises remove the whole issue from the realm of comparison with +any forms or functions of mere animal life. As well reason that +animals never eat cooked food, and so men ought never to eat +cooked food (and there are some people who do so reason, strange +to say) or that animals do not wear clothes, and so men ought not +to wear clothes—as well make these, or a score more of +comparisons, between the human race and mere animals, as to try +to compare them in the item of their sex functions.</p> +<p>In only the single fact that, on the physical plane merely, +coitus for the purpose of procreation is common to all animal +life, mankind included, is there a point of comparison between +humanity and the brute creation. <i>Beyond that point there is +nothing comparable between the two</i>! As well say that because +beasts can hear, therefore they can comprehend and enjoy a +Beethoven Sonata, or because they have eyes they can delight in a +picture by Corot!</p> +<p>This is only another way of saying that sex has functions and +uses in the human family that are entirely apart from the +possibilities of all other animal life—functions as much +above mere animality as music is above mere physical hearing, as +painting above mere physical sight.</p> +<p>These facts forever upset and overthrow all the theories of +Dr. C. and Co., they entirely eliminate the whole bunch from any +part or lot in the issue on <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page66" id="page66"></a>[pg 66]</span>which they have +essayed to speak with such authority, but whose main point, whose +essential elements they have <i>entirely misunderstood</i>, and +hence have treated in a way that is wholly at variance with the +truth in the premises, and it is the truth that we are looking +for.</p> +<p>Once more (for it is well to go to the bottom of this matter +while we are about it) the honest truth is, that <i>it is the +universal practice of the human race for men and women to cohabit +for other purposes than reproduction, and it has always been +so</i>, since men and women were men and women! It is true among +the most savage and barbarous tribes of the earth, and it is more +emphatically true of the highly civilized people in all lands and +climes. And is it reasonable to suppose that such a universal +phenomenon should <i>not</i> have been intended to be as it is! +As well say that appetite for food is a mistake, one that ought +to be eliminated!</p> +<p>Again, the experiences of men and women, all over the world, +prove that, where this act is engaged in properly, according to +the laws that obtain in the premises, <i>it conduces to the +highest physical, mental, and spiritual well-being of the parties +concerned</i>. Indeed, it is beyond doubt true that the men and +women who have never known this most perfect of all human +experiences, have never reached the summit of human attainment, +have never arrived at the perfection of manhood and womanhood. +Length of life, health of the highest sort, and happiness, the +most delectable—all come, these and more, to men and <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page67" id="page67"></a>[pg +67]</span>women by this route, <i>if it is rightly traveled</i>. +Hell and damnation result if that road is wrongly trod!</p> +<p>And that's what makes the manner of traveling it so +important.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page68" id="page68"></a>[pg +68]</span> +<h2>VI</h2> +<h3>THE ACT OF COITUS</h3> +<p>Strictly speaking, the act of coitus should be considered as +composed of four parts, or acts, of one common play, or drama. +Not that there is a sharp line of demarcation between each act or +part, for the <i>four</i> really blend into <i>one</i> composite +whole, when taken together, seriatim; but there are <i>four +phases</i> of the act which may well be studied separately, in +making a detailed review of a sexual meeting of a man and a +woman.</p> +<p>These four parts are: <i>first</i>, the preparation for the +act; <i>second</i>, the <i>union</i> of the organs; <i>third</i>, +the motion of the organs; <i>fourth</i>, the orgasm.</p> +<p>In what immediately follows, these <i>four</i> stages of the +act of coitus will be studied and traced in detail, with the +utmost care, in the hope that such pursuit may result in the best +possible good to the student.</p> +<p>Regarding the <i>first</i> part of the act, let it be said +that here, above all other situations in the world "<i>haste +makes waste</i>." <i>Put that down as the most fundamental fact +in this whole affair!</i> Right here is where ninety-nine +one-hundredths of all the troubles of married life begin! And the +fault, right here, is usually (though not always) with the +husband! But he doesn't mean to be bad. Not once in <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page69" id="page69"></a>[pg 69]</span>a +thousand times does he deliberately purpose to do wrong. He is +simply the victim of undirected and ungoverned passion, and of an +<i>ignorance</i> which results in stupid blundering, or +carelessness, or thoughtlessness. What such a husband practically +does is to rush blindly and furiously along a way he knows +nothing of, but which he has been led to think he has a +<i>right</i> to travel <i>when and how he will</i>! The ordinary +figure of a "bull in a china shop" can but faintly describe the +smashing and grinding to powder of the most delicate situation +that can occur in all human experiences, that result from such +action as this. Ideals that have touched heaven are tumbled from +their lofty places and ruthlessly crushed to atoms; hopes that +were beyond the power of words to express go out in despair; +dreams become a hideous nightmare; and love, which was as pure as +crystal waters, is muddied, befouled, and made into a cesspool! +<i>And all this because of ignorance</i> or careless hurrying, of +making haste where the utmost of time, caution and intelligent +care should have obtained!</p> +<p>As has already been explained, when the act of coitus is to be +engaged in, the sex organs of both the man and the woman undergo +great changes. Blood rushes to all these parts, in copious +quantities, till they become gorged. The result is that the penis +is enlarged to several times its dormant size, and the vulva and +vagina should, and will, under right conditions, undergo similar +changes and transformation.</p> +<p><i>But there is usually a great difference in <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page70" id="page70"></a>[pg +70]</span>the length of time it takes for these changes to take +place in men and women</i>. On the part of the man, as soon as +his passion is aroused to any considerable extent, the penis at +once makes itself ready for action. It "tumesces," or swells +itself hard, almost instantly; and, so far as its mere physical +stoutness is concerned, is as ready to enter the vagina then as +ever, even if it has to force itself in.</p> +<p>On the other hand, the tumescence of the parts in women is +usually, (especially as girls are reared) not infrequently, a +matter of considerable time, not infrequently several minutes, +and now and then, of <i>half-an-hour or more</i>! This is not +always so, for in some very passionate women they are ready for +action almost instantly. Indeed, there are some women whose sex +organs tumesce if they (the women) even touch a man—any +man—and occasionally a case occurs where a woman will +experience an orgasm if her clothing brushes against a man! Such +cases are, of course, abnormal. But, <i>for the most part</i>, it +is true that women are <i>much slower</i> in making ready for the +sexual act than men are.</p> +<p>Again, as the organs become ready for the act, nature has +provided a most wonderful means for bringing about their easy and +happy union. Both the male and female organs secrete and emit, or +pour out, a sort of lubricating fluid which covers and sometimes +almost floods the parts. This is a clear and limpid substance, +that looks much like the white of an egg, and is much like the +saliva that is secreted in the mouth, only it is a thicker +substance. Chemically, <span class="pagenum"><a name="page71" +id="page71"></a>[pg 71]</span>it is almost identical with saliva. +That generated by the man is called "prostatic flow;" that +produced by the woman "pre-coital secretion."</p> +<p>Now, if time is given for this fluid to be secreted and +exuded, all the parts become covered or saturated with it, and +they are admirably equipped for easy union. The glans penis is +then covered with the slippery fluid, and the vulva and all the +walls of the vagina are laved with the substance. At the same +time, the vaginal walls have widened and grown soft, and all the +parts of the vulva (which are yet to be named and described in +detail) are in like condition. The result is that, though the +penis be what might at first seem of such size as to make its +entrance into the vagina impossible, as a matter of fact, such +entrance is perfectly easy, when the parts are fully ready to be +joined. <i>But not before or otherwise!</i></p> +<p>So here is where the trouble comes. If the husband is in +haste, if he does not wait for the wife to become ready to meet +him; if he forces his large, hard penis into the vagina before +either is fully ready for such union—when there is no +prostatic fluid on its glans, and the vagina is shrunken and its +walls are dry—if coitus is engaged in in this way, it is +perfectly easy to see that <i>only disaster can result</i>! The +woman is hurt, sometimes most cruelly, and the man in reality +gets only a beastly gratification from the act. <i>Of all bad +things in all the world, such manner of coition is the +worst</i>!</p> +<p>And so, in this <i>first</i> part of the act, the one foremost +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page72" id="page72"></a>[pg +72]</span>thought to remember and observe is, <i>take plenty of +time!</i></p> +<p>There is another reason why, on the part of woman, this time +should be extended, especially when she is a bride and +inexperienced in these matters, and that is, that her +"innocence," and all her education, make her feel that she is +<i>doing wrong</i>, or at least permitting a wrong thing to be +done, and this holds back the proper growth of her passion, +hinders the tumescence of her sex organs, delays the flow of the +precoital secretion, and so keeps her from becoming properly +prepared for her share of the mutual act.</p> +<p>Again, her fear of pregnancy may still further retard her +coming into a proper condition. Indeed, this last is the almost +common cause for her failing to be in readiness for meeting her +husband. All of which items must be taken into account by both +husband and wife, and intelligently, lovingly dealt with, if the +best results for both parties are attained.</p> +<p>As regards the item of possible pregnancy, special note will +be made of this feature later on. It is here placed in abeyance +for the time being, because its consideration can be better +provided for after some other points have been studied.</p> +<p>Now the one easily understood (and as easily practiced as +understood) direction as to what to do by way of preparation for +the act of coitus is: <i>do as lovers do when they are +"courting."</i> And everybody knows what that is! And note +this—that <i>nobody ever hurries when they are +courting!</i> They <span class="pagenum"><a name="page73" +id="page73"></a>[pg 73]</span>delay, they protract, they +dilly-dally, they "fool around," they pet each other in all sorts +of possible and impossible ways. They kiss each other—"long +and passionate kisses, they again and again give and +receive"—they hug each other, nestle into each other's +arms—in a word, they "play together" in a thousand-and-one +ways which the "goody-goods" declare to be wrong, and the +cold-blooded call nonsense or foolishness, but which all +<i>lovers</i> know is an <i>unspeakable delight</i> +("unspeakable" is the word, for who wants to <i>talk</i> when +these blissful experiences are going on!).</p> +<p>Now, these things, and the likes of these things, in limitless +supply, should always precede the act of coitus. It is right +there that this part of the first act of this wonderful four-act +drama or play should be wrought out, and if they are omitted or +disregarded, the play will end in <i>tragedy, with all the +leading actors left dead upon the stage</i>!</p> +<p>Now the chief, if not the only, reason why this part of the +supreme act of married life is not always preluded in this way is +found in the <i>false view</i> of what the <i>marriage ceremony +means</i>, and a wrong impression as to what it confers upon the +parties who say "yes" to its prescriptions. That is, the common +idea is, that the taking of "marriage vows" bestows certain +<i>rights</i> and imposes certain <i>duties</i> upon the new +husband and wife. It is thought that such ceremony makes certain +acts <i>right</i> which would <i>otherwise</i> be <i>wrong</i>, +and that it establishes the <i>right</i> to engage in such acts, +<i>with or without any further consultation <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page74" id="page74"></a>[pg 74]</span>or +consent in the premises</i>. It makes love a matter of +<i>contract</i>, a something <i>bound by promise and pledge +rather than a free and unfettered effusion of the soul</i>.</p> +<p>The result of this is that, whereas, before the marriage +ceremony both the man and woman take the utmost care to do +everything in their power to increase, magnify, and retain each +other's love, after they have been granted a "license," and the +minister has put their hands together and prayed over +them—after this, they both think they have a "<i>cinch</i>" +on each other, that they are bound together by a bond that cannot +be broken, a tie so strong that it will need no further looking +after, but which will "stay put" of its own accord, and which may +therefore be let to shift for itself from the hour of its +pronouncement! Nothing <i>could be further from the truth than +this is</i>. And yet it is a common feeling and belief among +young married people!</p> +<p>Nor is it any wonder that this should be so. The very form of +the marriage ceremony and contract tends to make it so. The fact +that marriage originated as a form of slavery, and that much of +its original status yet remains—all these things tend to +establish these wrong ideas regarding the estate, in the minds of +the parties to it.</p> +<p>Nor are the evils that come from such wrong view of marriage +all confined to one side of the house. On the contrary, they are +about evenly divided between husbands and wives, witness a few +illustrations, as follows:</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page75" id="page75"></a>[pg +75]</span> +<p>A couple had been married about a year. They had no children, +nor were there prospects of any. The husband was beginning to +spend his evenings away from home, leaving his wife alone. One +evening, as he was making ready to go out, his wife said: "What +makes you go out evenings now, and leave me alone! You didn't use +to do it!" And the husband replied:</p> +<p>"Why, you don't do anything to make it interesting for me now! +You used to put on your prettiest clothes when I came to see you, +fixed up your hair bewitchingly, had a smile for me that wouldn't +come off, would sing for me, read to me, sit on my lap and pet me +and kiss me, and now you never do anything of the kind." And +before he could say more, the wife responded: "<i>Oh, but we are +married now, and it's your duty to stay with me!</i>"</p> +<p>What wonder that the husband went out of the house, slamming +the door after him! The wonder is that he ever came back.</p> +<p>Again: A woman who was a graduate of a famous Eastern College +and who had taught for a number of years, who was from one of the +"first families" in the east, and was counted as a lady of the +highest culture and refinement, finally married a Western +business man. On their bridal night, as they were retiring, the +man laid his hand on the woman's bare shoulder, and she threw it +off, and said: "Don't be disgusting! I married you because I was +tired of taking care of myself, or of having my relatives take +care of me. You are worth fifty thousand dollars, and <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page76" id="page76"></a>[pg +76]</span>one-third of all that was made mine just as soon as the +preacher got through his closing prayer, and you can't help it! +That's the truth, and we are married, and you can make the best +of it!"</p> +<p>These are both truthful tales, nor are they the only ones of +the sort that could be told.</p> +<p>On the other hand, these are matched with acts of ignorant and +careless young husbands, who do dastardly deeds to their brides +because they think <i>the law</i> and the <i>contract</i> give +them the right! There is no need to go into details. The whole +evil is revealed by the words of the woman just quoted: "<i>Oh, +but we are married now</i>."</p> +<p>These records, and all like them, lead to the remark that +<i>marriage confers no rights, to either the bride or the +bridegroom, in the highest meaning of the word</i>. So far as its +outward and formal observance is concerned, marriage is merely a +sort of protection for society which has grown up through the +years, and which is probably for the best, for the present, +things being as they are. But it should be well understood that +it can <i>never</i> lead to <i>true happiness</i> if it is viewed +and utilized <i>merely</i> on its <i>legal and formal side. True +marriage is based on mutual love; and mutual love can never be +traded upon, or made an item of formal agreement and +contract.</i> People may contract to live together and to +cohabit, and they may faithfully carry out their agreements; +<i>but this is not marriage</i>! It is simply <i>legalized +prostitution, bargain and sale, for a consideration. It is +blasphemy to call it by the sacred name of marriage!</i></p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page77" id="page77"></a>[pg +77]</span> +<p>Truly does Tennyson say: "Free love will not be bound." Indeed +it cannot be! It must remain forever free if it stays at all. And +if the parties to it try to bind it, the more chains, fastenings, +pledges and agreements they put upon it, the sooner and quicker +will it escape from all its holdings and fly away and <i>stay +away</i>!</p> +<p>And so, to come back to where we left off (for we said there +should be no hurrying or haste here) let married people +understand that the key to married happiness is <i>to keep on +"courting" each other</i>. Indeed, to make courting continually +grow to more and more. During the whole extent of married life, +never neglect, much less forget to be lovers, and to show, <i>by +all your acts</i>, that you are lovers, and great shall be your +reward. Don't ask how to do this! You know how, well enough. Do +it!</p> +<p>And be careful <i>not</i> to do anything that a careful lover +ought not to do! This direction should be heeded by both husband +and wife. Make yourself beautiful for your husband, Oh, wife, and +keep yourself so. As between the public, or your friends, or +society, give them what of yourself you can spare, after you have +given to your lover all that you can bestow upon him, or he can +wish you to bestow. Don't give to everybody and everything else, +church, society, work, children, friends, or +what-so-ever—don't give <i>all</i> of yourself to these, +and let your husband "take what there is left." Don't do that, as +you value your married success and happiness! Don't say: "Oh, but +we are married now," and let <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page78" id="page78"></a>[pg 78]</span>it go at that!</p> +<p>The beautiful and delicate flowers of married love need to be +watched and tended with the most skilful care, +<i>continually</i>, by both husband and wife. Treated in this +way, they will not only be fragrant and lovely through all the +years of wedded life; but as, one by one, the blossoms shed their +petals and change their forms so that luscious fruits may come in +turn—as these changes take place, new, more beautiful and +more fragrant flowers will continue to the very end of the +longest married life. Don't ever forget this, or doubt it, as you +hope for happiness in the marriage state! Mind what is here said, +and act accordingly <i>all the time</i>—days, nights and +Sundays.</p> +<p>Now if these truths are thoroughly inculcated, "kicked in" so +firmly and deeply that they will never "jar loose" or get away, +we will move on.</p> +<p>So, then, the <i>first</i> part of <i>every</i> act of coitus +should always be a <i>courting</i> act, in which there should be +<i>no haste</i>, but in which the parties should "<i>make +delays</i>," as John Burroughs says.</p> +<p>And this should be added: that, for married lovers, courting +has a far wider range of possibilities than it has for the +unmarried. Previous to marriage, there are conventionalities and +clothes in the way! After that, neither of these need be in +evidence, and this makes a lot of difference, and all in favor of +the best results, if rightly used, and made the most of. One +hardly need to go into details here, (though this may be done +later on in this writing). If the lovers will be as free with +each other unclothed as clothed; <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page79" id="page79"></a>[pg 79]</span>if they will utterly +ignore all conventionalities, and do with and for each other +anything and everything that their <i>impulses</i> and +<i>inclinations</i> suggest, or their desires prompt; if they +will, <i>with the utmost abandon</i> give themselves up to +petting each other in every possible way that <i>mother +nature</i> has put within their reach; if they will hug and kiss +and "spoon" and "play with each other" just as they want to +do—if they will do this, and not <i>hurry</i> about +it—then, in due course, they will successfully execute the +<i>first act</i> of the great play they are performing; the sex +organs will become fully ready for the union they are both +longing for; the "prostate flow" will have added to the erect +condition of the penis; the walls of the vagina and all the area +of the vulva will be enlarged, soft, flexible and made smooth and +slippery by a most generous supply of the "pre-coital secretion" +and everything will be in <i>perfect readiness</i> for the next +part of the performance, namely the union of the organs.</p> +<p>And here it becomes necessary to say something about the +position of the parties in making such union. There are a large +number of these possible, some of which may be noted later, but +here, only the most common one will be considered (it is said +there are more than forty different positions possible in this +act).</p> +<p>The most common position is for the woman to lie flat on her +back, with her legs spread wide apart, and her knees drawn up so +that the angle made by the upper and lower part of the leg shall +be less than <span class="pagenum"><a name="page80" +id="page80"></a>[pg 80]</span>a right angle. Her head should not +be too high, there should be no pillow under it.</p> +<p>Into her arms, and between her spread legs as she lies thus, +her lover should come. His body will thus be over and above her, +and <i>he should sustain himself on his elbows and knees</i>, so +that little or <i>none</i> of his weight may rest upon her. In +this position, face to face (and it should be noted that only in +the human family is this position of coitus possible! Among mere +animals, the male is always upon the back of the female. +They—mere animals—can never look each other in the +eye and kiss each other during the act! This is another marked +and very significant difference between human beings and all +other animals in this regard) it is perfectly natural and easy +for the organs to go together, when properly made ready, as +here-before described. The woman should also place her heels in +the knee-hollows of her lover's legs, and clasp his body with her +arms.</p> +<p>The entrance of the penis into the vagina should not be too +abrupt, unless circumstances are perfectly favorable for such +meeting and it is <i>the wish of the wife</i> that it be made in +this way. It is only fair to say, though, that such bold and +pronounced entrance is often <i>greatly desired by the woman</i>, +if her passion has been fully aroused at this stage of the act. +Such union is not infrequently of the greatest delight to her, if +everything is favorable for its being so made. But, if there is +any pain produced in her by the coming together, the meeting +should be gentle and slow, the penis working its way into the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page81" id="page81"></a>[pg +81]</span>vagina by degrees, till, finally, it is entirely +encased therein. Once thus happily together, the vagina and +uterine cavity will still further expand, till, in due order, the +two organs will be fitted together perfectly, a single unit, +<i>one</i>, in the highest sense of unity.</p> +<p>This is the <i>second</i> act in this wonderful play.</p> +<p>Once well together, and the organs perfectly settled and +adapted to each other, the <i>third</i> act begins, namely, +<i>the motion of the organs</i>—the sliding of the penis +back and forth, partly in and out of the vagina, though this is +not really the best way of describing just what should take +place. What <i>should</i> actually be done is, that the +<i>two</i> organs should engage in this motion, which is +<i>common to them both</i>. They should <i>mutually</i> slip a +few inches, back and forth, <i>each party to the motion doing a +fair half</i>.</p> +<p>It is often supposed, by both an uninitiated husband and an +"innocent" wife, that all the motion should originate with the +husband—that he should slide his penis in and out of the +vagina, while the woman should lie still and "<i>let him do it +all</i>." This is, however, a <i>great</i> mistake, and one that +has caused an endless amount of ill to untold numbers of husbands +and wives. And for the following reasons:</p> +<p>In the position just described, if the wife has her arms +around her lover's body and her heels in his knee-pockets, while +he supports himself by his elbows and knees over and above her, +resting <i>none</i> of his weight upon her, it is perfectly easy +for her to lift her hips up and down, or sway them from side to +side, or swing them in a circling "round-and-round" <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page82" id="page82"></a>[pg +82]</span>motion, as she may choose to do. She can thus +<i>originate</i> her half of the in-and-out motion—a +something she will delight to do, <i>if given a fair chance.</i> +If, however, the man lies heavily upon her, holding her down with +the weight of his body, the possibility of such action on her +part is prevented, and this results disastrously to both parties. +And so, in this part of the act, the husband should take the +<i>utmost care</i> to give his wife the <i>full and complete +freedom</i> to move her hips as she chooses, and as a successful +climax demands that she should.</p> +<p>Now if the wife be left free to move, as just described, and +the in-and-out motion proceeds as it should, what immediately +follows will vary in a great degree. Thus, the time taken to +reach the climax, or last act of the performance, may be a few +seconds, or several minutes, may require a mere half dozen +motions, or <i>several hundred!</i> All depends on the intensity +of the passions of the husband and wife, especially the latter, +and their skill in manipulating this part of the act.</p> +<p>The effect of this motion is to still further excite and still +more distend all the organs involved. Normally, the motion grows +faster and faster, the strokes becoming as long as the length of +the organs will possibly permit without separating them. The flow +of the lubricating fluids, from both organs, becomes more and +more copious, till, all at once, the orgasm, or <i>fourth +stage</i>, is reached!</p> +<p>It is difficult to describe what this orgasm is like. There is +no bodily sensation that at all corresponds <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page83" id="page83"></a>[pg 83]</span>to +it, unless it be a sneeze, and this is only like it in that it is +spontaneous, and a sort of nervous spasm (a sneeze is sometimes +spoken of as an orgasm). A sexual orgasm is a nervous spasm, or a +series of pulsating nervous explosions which defy description. +The action is entirely beyond the control of the will, when it +finally arrives, and the sensation it produces is delectable +beyond telling. It is the topmost pinnacle of all human +experiences. For a husband and wife to reach this climax, at +exactly the same instant, is a consummation that can never be +excelled in human life. It is a goal worthy the endeavor of all +husbands and wives, to attain to this supreme height of sexual +possibilities.</p> +<p>On the part of the man, the orgasm throws the semen into, and +all about the vaginal-uterine tract. The amount of semen thus +discharged at a single climax is about a tablespoonful, enough to +entirely flush and flood the area into which it is thrown. Its +use and action there have already been described, and so need not +be repeated here.</p> +<p>On the part of the woman, the orgasm causes no corresponding +emission of fluid, of any sort, that is jetted forth as is the +semen. Yet the spasmodic action of the sexual parts, so far as +nervous explosions are concerned, is exactly like that of her +partner. Palpitation follows palpitation, through all the sexual +area; the mouth of the womb opens and closes convulsively, the +vagina dilates and contracts again and again, and the vulva +undergoes similar actions. The sensations are all of the most +delectable nature, <span class="pagenum"><a name="page84" +id="page84"></a>[pg 84]</span>the whole of the woman's body being +thrilled, over and over, again and again, with delights +inexpressible. This, however, seems to be the entire mission of +the orgasm in woman. <i>It has nothing whatever to do with +conception</i>; though many people, especially young husbands who +know just a little about the phenomenon, believe that it is an +<i>essential</i> to pregnancy. <i>But such is by no means the +case.</i> All that is needed to bring about conception in a woman +is the presence of the ovum in the uterus, and its meeting semen +there, and so becoming fertilized. So far as becoming pregnant is +concerned, the <i>woman</i> need have <i>no pleasure at all</i> +in the act of coitus. Indeed, women have been made pregnant by +securing fresh semen from some man and injecting it into the +vagina with an ordinary female syringe!</p> +<p>The false idea, which largely prevails, and which usually +takes the form that there is no danger or possibility of +conception unless the orgasm is <i>simultaneous on the part of +the man and woman</i>, has caused many a woman to become pregnant +when she thought such a result to be impossible, because she and +her lover did not "spend" at the same instant. For the same +reason, many a young husband has impregnated his wife when he +least expected to do so, thinking that because he alone +experienced the orgasm, that therefore conception was +impossible.</p> +<p>Again, there are many married men and women who do not know +that it is possible for a woman to experience an orgasm at all! +The writer once knew <span class="pagenum"><a name="page85" +id="page85"></a>[pg 85]</span>a case of this kind, where a +husband and wife, most intelligent and well cultivated people, +lived together for twenty years, and to whom were born six +children, who, at the end of that time were wholly unaware of +such possibility! They afterwards discovered it by accident, as +it were, and after that enjoyed its delights for many years. +There are some, yea, many, women who never experience this +sensation at all, but of this more will be said later.</p> +<p>All these phenomena seem to indicate the fact that, so far as +women are concerned, <i>the orgasm is entirely for her +delectation and delight. It forms no part of the act of +conception</i>, and its only possible function, beyond that of +pleasure, is that, because of the exceedingly delightful +sensations it produces, it may lure women to engage in coitus +when, but for this fact, they would not do so, and that it thus +increases the possibility of women becoming mothers. Indeed, +there is no stronger temptation to a woman to run the risk of +becoming pregnant than her desire to experience an orgasm! But +more of this later.</p> +<p>As soon as the orgasm is over, a total collapse of the husband +and wife takes place. They are truly "spent," a most expressive +word, which alone can describe their condition. On the part of +the man the up-to-this-moment stout penis, becomes almost +instantly limp and shrunken, while all the female organs become +quiescent. A most delightful languor steals over them; every +nerve and fibre of the whole body relaxes; and a desire to fall +asleep at <span class="pagenum"><a name="page86" +id="page86"></a>[pg 86]</span>once, comes upon them irresistibly. +And the thing for them to do is to avail themselves of such +natural impulse, just as soon as possible. They should always +have at hand, and within easy reach, a towel, or napkin, with +which to care for the surplus of the seminal emission, which, as +soon as the organs are separated, will, in greater or less +quantity, flow from the vagina. Some of the same fluid will also +remain upon the penis when it is withdrawn. The husband should +absorb this surplus which remains with him with the towel, as +soon as the organs are parted, and immediately leave his +super-imposed position, leaving his wife <i>perfectly free</i>, +to do as she will. She should arrange the towel between her +thighs, exactly as she would a sanitary napkin, making no attempt +to remove the surplus semen at that time, and turn over and go to +sleep <i>immediately</i>. (It is said that if the woman goes to +sleep on her <i>back</i>, after coition, she thereby increases +the <i>probability</i>, of becoming pregnant. This is a point +that women who greatly desire motherhood should note. The writer +knew one case where a wife lay on her back for twenty-four hours +after coition and so became pregnant after all other means had +failed.)</p> +<p>Now it might seem that such neglect, on the part of the woman, +to immediately remove the surplus semen, was uncleanly and +unsanitary. But this is not at all true, and for this reason: +<i>The semen is a most powerful stimulant to all the female +sex-organs, and to the whole body of the woman</i>. The organs +themselves will absorb quantities of semen, <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page87" id="page87"></a>[pg 87]</span>if +left in contact with it, and it is most healthful and beneficial +to them, and to the woman, to have them do so. It is for this +cause that many women increase in flesh, and even grow fat after +they are married and so can avail themselves of this <i>healthful +food.</i> As a matter of fact, <i>there is no nerve-stimulant, or +nerve-quieter, that is as potent to woman-kind as semen</i>. +There are multitudes of "nervous" women, hysterical even, who are +restored to health, and kept in good health, through the +stimulative effects of satisfactory coitus and the absorption of +semen, when both these items are present in perfection. On the +other hand, there are many women who suffer all sorts of ills, +when these normally beneficial factors are misused or wrongly +applied. The results that follow all depend upon the way the act +is done, and its products utilized.</p> +<p>So, after the act of coition is over, let the woman slip a +"bandage" into place as soon as possible, and go to sleep. If she +sleeps long, so much the better, so much more will she be +benefited by the presence of the semen and its absorption. When +she naturally wakens, she may bathe the vulva region with warm +water; but there is no need of, nor is it wise to try to cleanse +the vagina and the uterine tract by the use of a vaginal syringe. +Above all, never inject cold water into the vagina, especially do +not do this immediately after coitus. Some women use a cold water +injection immediately after coitus. There is no surer way to ill +health and ultimate suicide. The parts are congested with blood +at such times, <span class="pagenum"><a name="page88" +id="page88"></a>[pg 88]</span>and to pour <i>cold</i> water upon +them is as though, when one is dripping with perspiration, he +should plunge into a cold bath. Nature has made wise provision +for taking care of all the semen that remains in the vagina. Let +the parts alone, and they will cleanse and care for +themselves.</p> +<p>Such, then, is a somewhat extended review of the act of coitus +at its best estate, and in a general way. <i>Its perfect +accomplishment is an art to be cultivated, and one in which +expertness can only be attained by wise observation, careful +study of all the factors involved, and a loving adaptation of the +bodies, minds and souls of both the parties to the act. It is no +mere animal function.</i> It is a <i>union</i>, a <i>unity</i> of +"two <i>souls</i> with but a single thought, two hearts that beat +as one." There is nothing low or degrading about it, when it is +what it ought to be, when it is brought to, and experienced at, +its highest and best estate. It is <i>God-designed, God-born, +God-bestowed!</i> As such it should be thankfully received and +<i>divinely used</i> by all the sons and daughters of men.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page89" id="page89"></a>[pg +89]</span> +<h2>VII</h2> +<h3>THE FIRST UNION</h3> +<p>And now, although so much has been said, there is much that +remains to be said, and which ought to be said, to do the subject +justice. Some of these things are as follows:</p> +<p>Something more ought to be told about the second part of the +act of coitus, the union of the organs, when this occurs for the +<i>first</i> time on the part of the woman.</p> +<p>At the first meeting of the husband and wife, if the woman be +a virgin, there are certain conditions which exist, on her part, +that are not present in after-meetings, and these must be +understood and rightly dealt with, or the worst of bad results +may ensue.</p> +<p>Of course, at such first meeting, all the preliminaries +prescribed as forming the <i>first</i> movement of the act should +be carried out <i>to the limit</i>. It is not too much to say +that these should be prolonged for <i>some days</i>! Do not +start, young husband, at this statement! Well did Alexander +Dumas, père, write: "Oh, young husband, have a care in the +first overtures you make toward your bride! She may shrink from +what she feels must come; she may put her hands over her eyes to +shut out the sight; but do <span class="pagenum"><a name="page90" +id="page90"></a>[pg 90]</span>not forget that she is a woman, and +so is filled with <i>curiosity</i>, under any and all +circumstances! And you may set it down as sure, that, though she +blinds herself with her hands as she scales the dizzy heights you +are leading her over, nevertheless, <i>she will peek through her +fingers!</i> So she will watch you with most critical eyes, and +note every show of <i>selfishness or blundering on your part! So +have a care!</i> You may think you are aiming your arrow at the +sun. See to it that it does not alight in the mud!" Good words +these, and to be heeded, come what may!</p> +<p>As a rule, if the bride be a virgin, it is well to <i>let +plenty of time elapse before engaging in the full act of +coitus!</i> Delay here will lead to a possible loving speed, +later on. The young people should take time enough to get better +acquainted with each other than ever before; to become, in a +measure, accustomed to the uncovered presence of each other, and +to the new possibilities of "courting" and "playing together" +that their new conditions offer. In any case, full coitus should +not be attempted till the bride is at least <i>willing</i>. If +she can be brought to become <i>anxious</i> for the meeting, so +much the better.</p> +<p>And so, with plenty of time taken for making ready for the +act, we come to the first union of the organs for a newly married +couple, the bride being a virgin. And here is where an +explanation is called for.</p> +<p>The vulva, or external part of the female sex organs, is a +mouth shaped aperture, located laterally <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page91" id="page91"></a>[pg 91]</span>between the forward +part of the thighs. In shape, size and structure, it much +resembles the external parts of the mouth proper. It begins just +in front of the anus, and extends forward above the pubic bone +and a little ways up the belly. Its entire lateral length is +about four or more inches.</p> +<p>This organ is made up of several parts, as follows: The lips, +or labiae, as they are technically known, the clitoris, and the +vaginal opening. The lips are a double row, two on either side, +and are known as labiae major and labiae minor, that is, the +thicker and thinner, or larger and smaller lips. They extend +almost the entire length of the vulva, the outer lips folding +over the inner ones when the thighs are together. The outer parts +of the larger lips are covered with hair. In thickness and +quality these labiae are much like the lips of the face of each +individual, a large mouth and thick lips indicate a large vulva +and thick labiae and vice-versa. The clitoris is a gland that is +located forward, on the upper part of the vulva. It corresponds, +almost exactly, in make-up and function, with the glans penis of +the male organ. The vaginal opening is at the rear, or lower part +of the vulva, and leads directly into the vagina proper.</p> +<p>All these parts are composed of most keenly responsive nerves, +and they are covered with a thin, delicate and exceedingly +sensitive skin, almost exactly such as lines the cheeks and the +mouth. Both the clitoris and the lips are filled with expandable +blood vessels, and in a state of tumescence they are greatly +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page92" id="page92"></a>[pg +92]</span>enlarged by a flow of blood into the parts. The +clitoris, in this condition, undergoes an enlargement, or +"erection," which is exactly like that of the glans penis. So +much as to the physiology of this part of the female sex organs, +all of which should be well understood by every bride and +bridegroom, though often it is not.</p> +<p>Now, in its virgin state, the vulva has another part, not yet +named, and this is the hymen, or "maiden-head" as it is commonly +known. This is a membrane that grows across the forward, or upper +part of the vaginal opening, and so <i>closes up</i> nearly all +that part of the vulva. This hymen is not always present, +however, even in a state of undoubted virginity. Sometimes it is +torn away in childhood by the little girl's fingers, as she +"plays with herself." Sometimes it is ruptured by lifting, again +it is broken away by the use of a large-sized female syringe. +<i>For all these reasons, it is not right to conclude that a +bride is not a virgin because the hymen is not present and in +evidence at the first coition.</i></p> +<p>Now many young husbands, and some young wives, are wholly +ignorant of the <i>existence</i> of the hymen, and of the +troubles it may cause at the second part of the sexual act, in a +first meeting. This membrane is often quite tough and strong. It +is grown fast to the lower part of the clitoris and to the inside +surfaces of the smaller lips, and it covers so much of the +vaginal opening that it is practically impossible for the erect +penis to enter the vagina so long <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page93" id="page93"></a>[pg 93]</span>as it is present. Now +if, under these conditions, the bride and groom (especially the +latter) are ignorant of the real construction of the parts, and +so should try to make a union of the organs, they would find such +union obstructed, if not impossible; and if the man, puzzled, and +impatient, and passion-driven, should <i>force</i> a hasty +entrance into the vagina, rupturing the hymen ruthlessly, he +would hurt the woman cruelly, probably cause her to <i>bleed</i> +freely from the wounded parts, and shock her seriously! All of +which would be a score against the husband, would brand him as a +brute, or a bungler, and so tend to make his "sun-aimed arrow +alight in the mud."</p> +<p>The thing to do here, is, first of all, to know the situation +and to talk it over, and carefully, delicately, do the best that +can be done about it. If the conditions are fully understood by +the bride and groom, they can, in almost every case, by working +and moving together carefully, overcome the obstacle, remove the +hymen with little or no pain or loss of blood.</p> +<p>As a matter of fact, when the time for meeting comes, if all +the facts are known, and the husband will hold his erect penis +still and steady against the hymen, the bride will so press +against it, and "wiggle around" it, that <i>by her own +motions</i>, she will break the membrane and so be rid of it. She +knows how much pain she can endure, and when the pressure is too +hard she can relieve it by her own action! Anyhow, what is done +<i>she does</i> herself, and so can <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page94" id="page94"></a>[pg 94]</span>never charge up +against her husband!</p> +<p>It is a rare case in which, by mutual willingness, and desire +and mutual effort to remove the obstruction, it cannot be +eliminated with satisfaction to both bride and groom. If, +however, careful and well-executed efforts fail to remove it, the +services of a surgeon should be procured, and he, by a very +simple and almost painless operation, can remove the difficulty. +But never, <i>no never</i>, should it be brutally torn away by +the force of the husband, and without the full willingness of the +wife. <i>Mark this well</i>. As a matter of fact, the wise and +practical thing for every bride to do, would be to go to a +surgeon a few days before her wedding, and have him remove the +hymen for her. Such operation is nearly painless, and is very +easily done. Still, to do this might raise a doubt of virginity +on the part of the husband and so this is a point to be careful +about!</p> +<p>The act of removing the hymen is often spoken of as +"defloration"—the tearing to pieces of a flower. The term +is not fortunate. Nothing worth while has been taken away by +removing the hymen, but much that is useful has been acquired. An +organ that has outlived whatever usefulness it might once have +had has been removed, and its going has made possible new and +beautiful uses in life. If this has been accomplished by the +mutual desire and effort of the bride and groom, it is a cause +for joy and not of sorrow; of delight and not of mourning. As +well weep over the removal of the vermiform appendix as for the +destruction of the hymen.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page95" id="page95"></a>[pg +95]</span> +<p>With this obstacle rightly overcome, the second act of coitus +offers no situation that calls for further remark or +explanation.</p> +<p>And now a few words about the probabilities of conception +resulting from coitus, and some matters which are very closely +related thereto.</p> +<p>In the first place, every healthy and fairly-well-provided-for +husband and wife should desire to have children, and should act +in accordance with such wish. This is not only in harmony with +the primary purpose of sex in the human family, but it is a +response to a natural demand of the human soul, in both man and +woman. As Bernard Shaw makes Jack Tanner say: "There is a +father-heart as well as a mother-heart" and <i>parenthood is the +supreme desire of all normal and wholesome-minded men and +women.</i> It is not an "instinct," but something far above that +quality.</p> +<p>Parenthood among mere animals is the result of instinct, and +of that alone, but not so in the human race. Human beings +naturally desire to make a home for themselves, and a home, in +the fullest meaning of that word, means <i>children</i> and a +"family circle." This is something that animals know nothing +about. Animal mothers forget and ignore their progeny as soon as +they are weaned; and animal fathers will, in many cases, kill +them as soon as they are born, if they get a chance to do so. +These facts prove that parenthood, in the human family, is +something much more than in the rest of the animal kingdom. +Indeed, the whole matter of comparing this quality, as <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page96" id="page96"></a>[pg 96]</span>it +exists in humanity, with that of animals merely, is only a +continuance of the similar abomination of comparing the sex +functions of these two forms of life. In the real essentials of +existence, they are in no way comparable; and to make such is not +only folly, but approaches the positively criminal. The results +of doing so certainly lead to crime.</p> +<p>Fundamentally, then, nearly all men and women marry with the +purpose and hope of having a family of children. They may not put +it that way, may not even acknowledge it, even to each other or +to themselves; but if married people find that they <i>cannot</i> +produce, it is a source of unspeakable regret to them both. In +such cases, the inherent desire for parenthood will "cry aloud +and spare not." A "barren" woman greatly mourns her inability, +and will shed bitter tears over the fact, if she be truly human; +and an "impotent" man will be practically despised by all who are +aware of his incompetence.</p> +<p>And yet, though all normal men and women desire to have +children, it is only right that they should desire to have them +<i>as they want them</i>, and <i>when</i> they want them, and not +<i>whenever they may happen to come!</i> That is, sensible and +thoughtful people, who plan definitely for the future, want to +make the coming of children to them an affair of +<i>deliberate</i> arrangement, and not of <i>chance</i>.</p> +<p>This is not only as it should be, but is really the only right +way that children should be begotten and born. Which statement +calls for a few special words on the right of parents to regulate +the production <span class="pagenum"><a name="page97" +id="page97"></a>[pg 97]</span>of progeny.</p> +<p>There is much talk, in some quarters, about "race suicide," +and the wickedness of deliberately limiting the number of +children in a family. Such talking and writing arouse anxious +questionings in the minds of conscientious young married men and +women who are desiring to do the right thing in the premises, but +are uncertain as to what the right thing is, and for such are the +following words:</p> +<p>Many years ago, an English philosopher and statesman, Malthus +by name, discovered and announced the fact that the rate of +natural increase in the human race was several times greater than +that of the possible rate of production of food supply for their +support. Scientifically phrased, his statement was that "the rate +of increase in humanity is in geometrical ratio, while the rate +of increase of possible food supply is in arithmetical ratio." +And from this basis, he reasoned that, unless the surplus of +human production was in some way cut off and destroyed, the whole +human race would ultimately demand more food supply than could +possibly be produced; and so, in due course of time, the whole +race would perish from starvation!</p> +<p>Then he proceeded to reason that the purpose of disease, +plague, pestilence, famine, poverty and warfare was to cut off +and destroy the <i>surplus</i> of humanity, and hence all these +alleged evils were in reality blessings in disguise, and that +<i>it would be wrong to interfere</i> with their really +beneficent workings! Volumes could be written, and they could not +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page98" id="page98"></a>[pg +98]</span>tell the half of the misery and evil that the +promulgation of this doctrine has done for the civilized world, +but there is no space here for giving any such details; nor need +this be done, though the statement of the doctrine had to be made +to make ready for what is to follow.</p> +<p>Now, is it not far more reasonable to suppose that, <i>since +the possibility of determining the number of off-spring a husband +and wife may produce has been given them</i>; that since such +result can be, for them, made a matter of <i>choice</i>, of an +<i>exercise of the will</i>, and not of <i>blind +instinct</i>—under these circumstances, all of which +undoubtedly exist, is it not far more reasonable to believe that +it is the <i>purpose of the Creator</i> that the limiting of the +number of human beings in the world should be brought about by +<i>curbing the birth rate</i>, rather than by <i>killing the +surplus</i> after they are born!</p> +<p>There can be but one answer made to this question, by any +intelligent man or woman.</p> +<p>These facts, then, establish the <i>rightfulness of +determining the number and size of a family by every husband and +wife</i>. But this does not mean that they are to entirely +refrain from cohabiting, in order to keep from having children! +This phase of the argument has already been gone over and +disposed of. But it <i>does</i> mean that husbands and wives have +a right to use such rightful means for the limiting of the number +of offspring as are conducive to the interests of all parties +concerned—themselves, their circumstances, the born or +unborn children, the <span class="pagenum"><a name="page99" +id="page99"></a>[pg 99]</span>state, the nation. Let the bride +and groom be well convinced and established in their own minds on +these points, as early in their relation as possible. They should +be so from the very outset—<i>must</i> be so, to reach the +best results.</p> +<p>The issue then presents itself: How can such deliberate and +wilful determination of the number of children a husband and wife +may have, be brought about?</p> +<p>And the answer is, that <i>it can never be accomplished by +careless and hap-hazard cohabiting!</i> On the contrary, it can +only be compassed by the most <i>careful</i> and <i>watchful</i> +processes of engaging in coitus, and by a <i>full knowledge</i> +of physiological facts, and by acting, <i>always</i>, in +accordance with the same. It is no road for careless travel, but +it is a way worth going in, for all that.</p> +<p>On this point, let it be said that all sane and intelligent +men and women agree that anything even approaching +<i>infanticide</i> is nothing short of a crime, and that +abortion, except for the purpose of saving the life of the +mother, is practically murder.</p> +<p>But, while this is all true, to prevent the contact of two +germs which, if permitted to unite, would be liable to result in +a living human form, is <i>quite another affair</i>.</p> +<p>It is only this aspect of the situation which will be +considered in what follows.</p> +<p>Now, as has already been shown, the essentials for conception +consist of having the ovum present in the womb, and its meeting +the semen there. The corollary <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page100" id="page100"></a>[pg 100]</span>of this is, that +whenever these coincidences take place, there is a +<i>possibility</i> for conception.</p> +<p>But in all <i>normal</i> cases, the ovum only passes into the +womb once in every twenty-eight days; and, as a rule, it only +remains in the womb for about half that period of time, that is, +for about 14 or 15 days in each month. And so, since the +menstrual flow ceases after about five days from its beginning, +in about ten days <i>after</i> its stopping, the ovum will have +passed out of the womb, and hence that organ contains nothing +that is impregnable. Under these conditions, semen may be +deposited in the womb, without danger of impregnation. This is a +simple proposition, and easy to understand if once known.</p> +<p>However, it must be said that these <i>generally</i> common +conditions <i>do not always obtain</i>—that is, they are +<i>not</i> true in the case of <i>all</i> women. There are women +who will conceive at <i>any</i> time in the month, if they are +given a chance to do so. The physiological reason for such +possibility is said to be this: There are always ova in the +ovaries, in varying stages of development. Ordinarily, only once +a month do any of these pass down into the womb; but, in +exceptional cases, sometimes these ova are so partially held in +the ovaries that, under the excitement of coitus, and because all +these parts dilate so much during the act, an ovum may slip its +moorings, under such conditions, pass down into the uterus at an +untimely season, meet the semen there, and pregnancy result. Such +are the facts <i>in some cases</i>.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page101" id="page101"></a>[pg +101]</span> +<p>How, then, can a husband and wife tell how it is, or will be, +in <i>their</i> particular case?</p> +<p>The answer is that they can only tell by trying, and that +should be done as follows:</p> +<p>The <i>first</i> sexual meeting of the bride and groom should +<i>never</i> take place until at least <i>ten days after the +ceasing of the menstrual flow in the bride! This is a rule that +should never be violated</i> if the parties wish to "<i>test +out</i>" the real condition as to whether or not the bride has +any "free time." The chances are several to one that she +<i>has</i> such leeway; but the fact can only be established by +"proving up" and this can <i>never</i> be done if any +<i>chances</i> are taken. Put this down as rule number one.</p> +<p>For this reason, it is well for the bride to fix the wedding +day; and, if possible, for her to locate it sometime during the +probably immune period. And the nearer she can bring this day to +the <i>beginning</i> of such period of freedom from danger of +pregnancy, the better. For, if it should happen that the first +coitus should take place only a <i>day or two before</i> the time +when another "monthly" was due, such excitement might hasten the +passage of the nearly-ripe ovum into the uterus, and conception +might occur. In which case, "all the fat would be in the fire," +nothing would be proved, and the parties would be as ignorant as +ever regarding the facts in <i>their</i> case.</p> +<p>And so, the <i>first</i> sexual meeting of a bride and +bridegroom should be not <i>earlier</i> than <i>ten days after +the ceasing of the menstrual flow and not later than three days +before the next monthly is due. Put that <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page102" id="page102"></a>[pg 102]</span>down as rule +number two, never to be violated.</i></p> +<p>And if marriage takes place before this period of probable +immunity on the part of the bride arrives, the only safe thing to +do is to "patiently wait" till such time arrives. This may +"require fortitude" on the part of both parties, but it is the +only safe thing to do. And to do just that, will amply repay such +waiting. The writer knows of a case where the wedding took place +just three days before the bride's next monthly was due, and she +and her husband waited for more than <i>two weeks</i> before they +met sexually! But it paid to wait, for their doing so proved that +the bride had <i>two weeks</i> of "<i>free time</i>" in <i>each +month, and this was worth all it cost to find out! Take +time!</i></p> +<p>And now let it be added that it is a great accomplishment for +a husband and wife to be free from a fear of pregnancy as a +result of coitus. This is a thousand times truer for the woman +than for the man, for it is she who has to bear the burden of +what follows, if following there be. The husband can "do the +deed" and go about his business. The wife, if "the fertile seed" +takes root, has before her months of care and anxiety, and she +risks her very life in what may come of it all. For these +reasons, she has a <i>right to dictate all the terms</i> which +are liable to cause her to become a mother. <i>And yet she should +do this with full regard for the husband, in love, in true +wifely-womanhood.</i> On this point, do not fail to read "The +Helpmate," by May Sinclair. It is a story that no bride and +bridegroom should fail to read and <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page103" id="page103"></a>[pg 103]</span>study, +carefully.</p> +<p>The whole subject of how to engage in satisfactory coitus and +avoid pregnancy may be summed up as follows:—The attainment +of such a condition is well worth the most careful, earnest and +honestly pains-taking endeavor. For, if such status be not +reached, its lack will be a source of endless contentions and +differences between the husband and wife. It will lead to +jealousies, quarrels, and all sorts of marital woes. But, the +situation once mastered, by the most loving and accurate of +scientific methods of procedure, a happy married life is certain +to result. Otherwise, the "married state" will always be in a +condition of "unstable equilibrium." So let every bride and +bridegroom begin, <i>from the first</i>, to try to establish the +greatly to be desired accomplishment. If anything further on this +point should be desired, consult a reliable physician.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page104" id="page104"></a>[pg +104]</span> +<h2>VIII</h2> +<h3>THE ART OF LOVE</h3> +<p>And still there is more to be said! Is it not written that +"Art is long!" <i>And the Art of Love is the longest of all arts, +and the most difficult of all for its complete mastery and +attainment!</i></p> +<p>It is a matter of misfortune, and yet one of not infrequent +occurrence, that the sex organs of husband and wife are <i>not +well matched</i>; and that trouble, sometimes of a most serious +nature, results. When this condition is found to exist, it should +be treated sanely and wisely, and the chances are many to one +that the difficulty can be overcome, to the full satisfaction of +both parties concerned.</p> +<p>In such cases, the mis-matching usually arises from the fact +that the penis of the husband is too long for the vagina of the +wife. This is very apt to be the case where the wife is of the +"dumpy" sort, with a small mouth and short fingers, while the +husband is "gangling," large mouthed and long fingered. These are +facts that ought to be taken into account before marriage, and +which should figure in determining whether the parties are +"suited" to each other. They <i>would</i> be regarded in this +way, too, if they were generally known, as they most surely are +not. Here is another place where ignorance and "innocence" <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page105" id="page105"></a>[pg +105]</span>get in their work, and make trouble in married +life!</p> +<p>In such a case as this, the too-long penis, when fully +inserted in the too-short vagina, and especially when, at the +orgasm, the two organs are crowded together vigorously, as the +impulse of both parties demands they should be at this part of +the act, the end of the penis is driven against the rear walls of +the vagina, often furiously, thus stretching and straining the +vaginal passage longitudinally, pressing against the womb +unnaturally, and not infrequently pushing it out of place and +sometimes rupturing the uterine tract seriously, hence causing +all sorts of unfortunate and greatly-to-be-regretted results.</p> +<p>Because of such danger, the first meeting of the husband and +wife should be accomplished with the utmost care, especially in +the <i>second</i> part of the act, the first putting together of +the organs. This is the only way of determining, in each case, +how the organs will "fit," and happy are the parties thereto if +such fit is found to be perfect!</p> +<p>But if it should turn out that there is a mismatching, of the +nature just described, the conditions can be adjusted if the +right means are used.</p> +<p>(Before telling this, however, it should be stated that the +relative size of the sex organs can never be fully judged of by +the size of the body of a man or a woman. Many a small man has an +abnormally large and long penis, and many a little woman has a +large vulva and a long vagina; and the reverse of <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page106" id="page106"></a>[pg +106]</span>all this is true, in the case of many men and women. +These items in the count are among the things that can never be +known with certainty except by actual trial, and this is not +possible, as things are now.)</p> +<p>And so, if "mis-matching" is found to exist, in any given +case, it can be provided for, in most cases as follows:</p> +<p>Instead of taking the position for coitus which has already +been described—the woman on her back and the man over and +above her—let <i>this</i> be done: Let the man lie on his +left side, or partly on his left side and partly on his back, +facing the woman, his left leg drawn up so that the thigh makes +an angle of 45 degrees with the body, and the knee bent at about +the same angle. Now let her, lying on her right side, mount into +his arms, in this way: Let her place her right hip in the angle +made by her husband's left thigh and his body, so that <i>his +left leg</i> supports <i>her hips</i>, by being under them; put +her right leg between his legs, throw her left leg over his right +leg, put her right arm around his neck, and her left arm should +be placed across his body under his right arm. His left arm +should be placed around her waist from below, and his right arm +left free to move over her body, as he may choose. Now in +<i>this</i> position, the man's hips make a sort of saddle into +which the woman "vaults" easily, naturally, and with the greatest +of comfort; while the man, with his whole body supported by the +bed, as he lies, will be perfectly comfortable, and can maintain +the position much longer, without tiring, than he could were he +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page107" id="page107"></a>[pg +107]</span>over and above the woman, supporting himself by his +elbows and knees, and with the woman's arms around his waist, +lifting her body thereby, and thus adding her weight to his, all +to be sustained by him. A moment's consideration will disclose +the fact that this position has many points in its favor, beyond +that of the man-superior form. The woman, in this position, is +not wholly superior, but she is partly on her right side and +partly on her belly. Her whole weight rests on her husband's +body, but her weight does not tire him, as the bed below him +easily supports them both.</p> +<p>Now, in this position, the sex organs are brought closely +together and their union is easily accomplished. But see! It is +<i>now</i> the <i>woman</i>, and not the <i>man</i> who has +<i>full control</i> of such meeting, and so can regulate it to +<i>her liking</i>, or <i>needs</i>. Her hips are perfectly free +to move towards, or from, those of the man; and so <i>she can +determine just how much or how little of his penis shall enter +her vagina!</i> And if his penis is too long for her, she can +accommodate her action to such fact!</p> +<p>As for the man, his satisfaction will be fully equal to, if +not greater than it would be were he in the other position. The +ease afforded to his body, and the fact that he need have no fear +of hurting the woman, these things will be a delight to him, that +is of real value, and which will make for his delectation as much +as for that of the woman in his arms. The in-and-out motion is as +easily performed in this position as in the other; and at the +climax, the <span class="pagenum"><a name="page108" +id="page108"></a>[pg 108]</span>organs can be crowded together +passionately, and still without hurting the woman. For she, being +free to move, can so curve her hips that the pelvic bone, the +<i>mons veneris</i>, as it is technically called, will receive +the most of the pressure, and at the same time the angle which is +thus made by the relative positions of the vagina and the penis +will keep the latter from penetrating the vagina too far, and so +will protect its rear walls and the womb from all danger of harm. +The orgasm is just as perfect in this position as in the other. +It is just as <i>natural</i> as the other position, and has only +to be tried to be proved worthy.</p> +<p>And now one other point. (Curious how these details protract +themselves. But there is no help for it. We must continue, now +that we have begun.)</p> +<p>A very frequent cause of married unsatisfaction is the fact of +the <i>difference of time</i> that it takes for the husband and +wife to come to the climax, the orgasm. As has already been +noted, the highest delight in the act comes when this climax is +simultaneous, comes at exactly the same instant to both parties. +But to bring this about is not easy in all cases, and hence what +follows:</p> +<p>As a rule, women are slower in reaching the orgasm than are +men. This is not always so, but it is generally the case. Some +wives are so passionate that they will "spend" several times to +their husbands' once! The author knows of a case where the wife +will regularly experience the orgasm four or five times to her +husband's once. She is a lovely wife <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page109" id="page109"></a>[pg 109]</span>and a highly +accomplished woman, in no sense "fleshy" or "worldly minded." The +situation is that her sex organs are exceedingly sensitive while +those of her husband are the reverse, they are "timed" +differently, that is all. The case is rare, and as a rule, women +are "timed" slower than men.</p> +<p>Again, after a man has passed the orgasm it is, in most cases, +impossible for him to continue the act, right then and there, and +bring the woman to the climax, if she has not yet arrived, from +the fact that, with the expulsion of the semen, usually +detumescence of the penis at once takes place, and the organ is +incapable of exciting the woman when in this condition. And so, +if the husband "goes off" <i>first</i>, there is no possibility +of the wife's reaching the climax at that embrace. This leaves +her unsatisfied, all her sex organs congested, and the whole +situation is unsatisfactory, in the extreme. On the other hand, +if the wife comes to the orgasm first, her vulva and vagina +detumesce but little and that very slowly, so that it is +perfectly possible for the husband to continue his action, and +come to the climax, even if his partner has already "spent."</p> +<p>Under these conditions it is easy to see that, where the wife +is "keyed" or "timed" much slower than her husband, as is quite +often the case, coitus is very liable to be a very one-sided +affair, one in which the <i>husband gets all the satisfaction, +and the wife little or</i> NONE—<i>a most unfortunate +status for both parties, but especially for the wife.</i> The +writer once knew a case where a husband and wife lived together +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page110" id="page110"></a>[pg +110]</span>to celebrate their golden wedding, and the wife never +once experienced an orgasm, though the husband cohabited with her +several times a month, during the most of their married life. +There was no good reason why this should have been so, only that +the husband was "quick in action" and the wife somewhat slow, and +they had never synchronated their time differences. The dear old +lady died at ninety, never having known a joy that, since her +bridal night, she had wished for. Both the husband and wife were +most excellent people. <i>They simply didn't know!</i> One was +ignorant and the other innocent, and there you are again!</p> +<p>Now the thing to do, under such circumstances, is for the +parties to "get together." And the way to do this is, first, to +<i>prolong the FIRST part</i> of the act, till the wife has not +only caught up with, but is even <i>ahead</i> of her husband in +the state of her passion. To bring about this condition, <i>the +husband should use every means to stimulate his wife's sex-nature +and increase her desire for coition.</i> Here are some things he +can do, which will tend to produce such results:</p> +<p>A woman's breasts are directly connected with all her +reproductive nerves. This is especially true of her nipples. To +touch them is to directly excite all of her sex organs. The lips +and tongue are also thus nervously connected with these vital +parts, and, so, if the husband will "play" with his wife's +breasts, especially with her nipples, manipulating them with his +fingers, or, better still, with his lips and tongue <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page111" id="page111"></a>[pg +111]</span>—at the same time, if he will stroke her vulva +with his fingers, especially the clitoris, <i>and if she will +encourage him to do this</i>, by holding her breast with one +hand, shaking it about as her nipple is in her lover's lips; if, +lying flat on her back, her husband at her right side, and with +his left arm around her waist, she will spread her legs wide +apart, thus opening the vulva to its utmost, and sway her hips, +raising and lowering them betimes; and, since she has a free +hand, if, with this, she will take her husband's penis with it +and "play" with it as her lover plays with her vulva—if +they will do this, the cases are rare in which passion will not +grow in the wife to almost any desirable extent. Under such +"courting," the parts will all enlarge, the pre-coital secretion +will flow in abundance; and, in due course, all will be ready for +the second part of the act. This part of coitus is, really, one +of the most enjoyable of the entire performance.</p> +<p>If, perchance, the pre-coital secretion should be tardy in +appearing on the part of the wife, so that the vulva is dry as +the husband strokes it, let him moisten the part with saliva from +his mouth. To do this, let him moisten his <i>fingers</i> from +his mouth, and transfer this to the vulva, and then proceed with +his stroking. This moistening the vulva with saliva may be +repeated <i>several</i> times, <i>if necessary</i>, always until +the flow of pre-coital fluid from the parts themselves renders +any further moistening needless. <i>The stroking of the dry vulva +will do little toward the arousing of passion, or producing the +pre-coital <span class="pagenum"><a name="page112" +id="page112"></a>[pg 112]</span>flow</i>. But if the parts be +moistened, as above directed, both these desired results will +follow, except in <i>very</i> rare cases.</p> +<p>And let no one make the mistake of thinking that thus +moistening the vulva with saliva is unseemly, or unsanitary. It +is neither. On the contrary, it is nature's way of helping to +perfection an act which, but for such timely assistance, might +never be brought to a successful issue. As has already been +noted, chemically, saliva and the pre-coital fluid are almost +identical. They are both a natural secretion of a mucous +membrane, are alkaline in reaction, their native purpose is +lubrication, and, as a matter of fact, the saliva is as natural +an application to the lips of the vulva as it is to the interior +of the mouth or throat. Truth to tell, the practice of applying +saliva to the genitals before coition is very general, so much so +that it might almost be counted as instinctive. It is mentioned +here only to remove any prejudice that might linger in the +sophisticated mind of the reader. Such use of saliva is no more +to be deprecated than its application in a hundred other ways, +such as moistening the fingers to turn a leaf, of "licking" one's +fingers after eating candy. Such use of this fluid from the mouth +might be condemned by the "over-nice," but it is quite +universally practiced, and it is neither unwholesome nor +unsanitary.</p> +<p>It is sometimes recommended that some form of oil, as sweet +oil or vaseline, be used as an unguent for anointing the parts +before engaging in coitus, but this practice cannot be +recommended. Oil is not a <span class="pagenum"><a name="page113" +id="page113"></a>[pg 113]</span>natural product of the parts to +which it is applied, it is chemically unlike their secretions, +and to smear the delicate organs with a fluid that is foreign to +their nature, is unwise, unsanitary, not to say filthy. It is +like greasing the mouth to make food slip down easily. And it is +easy to understand how such application of an unguent to the +mouth would impair the taste, dull the nerves of sensation, and +greatly interfere with the native and wholesome uses of the oral +cavity.</p> +<p>So don't be afraid or ashamed to use saliva in preparing the +vulva and the vagina for the reception of their natural mate.</p> +<p>And so, to return to where we left off, if the wife is slower +timed than her husband, her passion can be greatly increased by +the manipulation just described. Indeed, it could be very easily +carried to such length—the lips and tongue playing with the +nipple, and the finger-stroking of the vulva—that the woman +could be brought to an orgasm without the union of the organs at +all! This is a form of masturbation (this word has a bad meaning +attached to it, but it is a good word, as will shortly be shown, +and it has its legitimate uses; but, as a preparation for +coition, it should not be carried any further than is essential +for bringing the laggard passion of the woman up to an equal +tension of that of her lover.) A few weeks', or months', practice +will enable a wife to determine just how much of this form of +"courting" will bring her to the desired point of excitement; +and, when this point is reached, she should <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page114" id="page114"></a>[pg +114]</span>invite her husband to "come up over," if the first +position is to be adopted for the rest of the act; or, she should +throw herself into her lover's arms, if the second position is +used.</p> +<p>Just a little more—If, after getting into one position +or the other, it seems to the wife that she is not yet fairly +abreast of her husband in the intensity of her passion, let her +<i>still further</i> seek to advance it, as follows:</p> +<p>If the position with the husband superior is taken, let him, +after he has gotten into place and before the organs are united, +have his wife take his penis in her hand, and, as he moves his +hips up and down, stroke her vulva, especially the clitoris, with +the glans penis—not entering the vagina at once, but +continuing this form of <i>exterior</i> contact of the organs, +for a longer or shorter time—slipping past the wide open +vaginal mouth, even when the wife raises her thighs and, as it +were, begs for an entrance; tantalizing her to the point of +distraction—-till, finally, she will "take no for an +answer" no longer, but will, in an ecstacy, slip the penis into +the vagina, and thus consummate their union.</p> +<p>If she be far enough abandoned with her passion, such entrance +may be made at a single stroke, not to say a furious plunge. But +if the vulva and vagina are not yet fully dilated, the entrance +should be carefully made, gently made, as she can bear it, as +<i>she</i> wishes it to be.</p> +<p>Sometimes, yes, not infrequently, in this position, the +external stroking of the organs may be continued <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page115" id="page115"></a>[pg +115]</span>to the very verge of the orgasm, so that, especially +if the entrance can be made, as it were, in a frenzy of +passionate delight, the organs coming into full length union at a +single impulse, or rushing together—then the simultaneous +climax <i>may</i> be reached with one or two in-and-out +motions—or, perhaps the single master-plunge may win the +goal instanter! If so, a consummation devoutly to be wished has +been successfully reached!</p> +<p>Again, if the wife is slow, and the man is quick, in this play +for "getting together," it will enable the man to greatly extend +and protract what might be called the time of his possible +<i>retention</i>, if he can keep the foreskin over the glans +penis. Some men cannot do this. If they have been circumcised, of +course they cannot! But if the glans penis can be covered with +the foreskin during all this playing together, it will enable the +husband to prolong his "retentional time" far beyond what he +otherwise could. Some men have the power of "retaining" to almost +any length of time by the exercise of their will power, and so +they can <i>wait</i> for their wives. If the wife is slower timed +than the husband, he should <i>carefully cultivate the "art of +retaining"</i> and so wait for her. <i>To do this successfully +will greatly increase married happiness</i>.</p> +<p>This same remark (keeping the gland covered) applies with +equal force to the possibilities of the man's retention after the +organs are united, and all through the third part of the act. If +the penis can enter the vagina with its "natural cap on," the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page116" id="page116"></a>[pg +116]</span>husband can give his wife the pleasure of many times +the amount of in-and-out motion than he could otherwise bestow +upon her. And if the wife is the slower of the two (as is +generally the case) she will greatly appreciate such a favor, and +will repay it a THOUSAND FOLD by the responsive, reciprocal +motions which she will LAVISH upon her <i>considerate</i> +lover.</p> +<p>This is an item of almost supreme importance—this +"keeping the cap on" the penis, during the act, <i>if the wife is +slower than the husband</i>—if they need to have a care, to +insure their "getting off together."</p> +<p>And here is a curious fact, which would seem to show that +Mother Nature has especially provided a blissful reward for both +the husband and wife who will be careful on this point. Thus, if +the husband will be careful to have the glans penis covered with +the foreskin (and, of course, this can <i>never</i> be, if the +organs are united when the vulva and vagina are dry) when it +enters the vagina, and will so engage in the in-and-out motion +that it will <i>stay covered</i> as the <i>third</i> act +progresses—if this is done, when the climax comes, if the +two "spend together," the womb will open its mouth as it were, +clasp the foreskin, slip it back over the gland so that, when the +supreme instant comes, the naked gland will be in the most direct +and blissful contact with the most sensitive part of the uterus! +This is a most wonderful provision of nature, and to utilize it, +and enjoy it to its utmost, is the maximum of human delight!</p> +<p>Again, if after the organs are well together, in the +man-superior position, and the in-and-out motion <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page117" id="page117"></a>[pg +117]</span>has begun, it should be found that the wife is still +behind in the game, she can gain greatly in "catching up" if she +is permitted to <i>originate</i> the larger part of the motion. +To enable her to do this, let her husband hold his body quite +well above her, so that she can have plenty of freedom to move +her hips as she may choose to. Added to this, if the husband +will, in large measure, "hold still," and keep his penis in such +position that it presses against the <i>upper part</i> of the +vulva, that is against the clitoris, (as the phrase goes, if he +will "ride high") and then permit his <i>wife</i> to make "long +strokes," sliding the organs together for their full possible +length, with the clitoris in constant contact with the penis, +during the whole of each stroke—all of this will greatly +and rapidly increase her passions and bring her to the +climax.</p> +<p>Or, as a variation from this, if the organs can be united to +their fullest possible limit, so that the base of the penis +presses firmly against the Mons Veneris, and the clitoris and +labiae almost clasp their mate; and then, in this position, if +the husband will maintain the <i>status quo</i>, while she lifts +her hips hard against his, and <i>swings them about</i>, in a +sort of circular motion "round and round," as it were—this +will also greatly increase her passion, and soon bring her to the +climax.</p> +<p>In both these last described ways of courting, the husband +should be <i>extra careful not</i> to permit the weight of his +body to press down heavily upon his wife. He should <i>wholly</i> +sustain himself on his elbows <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page118" id="page118"></a>[pg 118]</span>and knees, and +permit her to lift herself, at least her hips, by the help of her +arms around his waist. This is no hardship for the husband, if he +be a true lover. For is he not strong, and what is his strength +for but to delight his sweetheart? <i>A true, devoted, virile and +manly lover is always at the service of his sweetheart! To +delight her, is to doubly delight himself</i>. This is another +point of which mere animals know nothing. There is nothing in all +their nature which responds to the like of this, in any way. The +whole experience is <i>human</i>; it is productive of a joy, of a +<i>spiritual elevation</i>, which mere animality knows nothing +of—can know nothing of.</p> +<p>Playing thus together, courting each other thus (For, through +all these actions, a line of <i>complete mutualness must run</i>! +The husband may <i>seem</i> to be specially accommodating +himself, and all he does, to his wife's whims or necessities; +but, even so, this will be more of a delight to <i>him</i> than +it is to <i>her</i>, viewed from the <i>spiritual plane</i>, on +the principle that "it is more blessed to give than to +receive"—and no truer words than these were ever +spoken—while, at the same time, the wife, though +<i>seeming</i> only to be gratifying herself, to be reaching +after what she alone desires, yet, as a matter of fact, by her +very so doing—and the more perfectly, completely, she does +this, the better—she is gratifying and delighting her +husband to the utmost possible limit) courting each other thus, +the lovers will learn to "time" themselves together, perfectly, +each knowing just when the other is fully ready, by a sort of +<i>spiritual consciousness</i>, <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page119" id="page119"></a>[pg 119]</span>as it were, and so +a perfect climax can be reached.</p> +<p>Take time, LET LOVE RULE AND DIRECT; BANISH ALL SELFISHNESS; +<i>Let the husband keep his head, and</i> THE WIFE UTTERLY LOSE +HERS, throwing it to the winds, to be wholly swept away by the +whirlwind of her passion; feeling free, delighting, to let it go, +go, go, no one cares where! Do these things, and married life +will be glorious! Of such is the kingdom of heaven, for the truly +wedded lovers!</p> +<p>This will be "all Greek," or "foolishness" to the selfish and +materially-minded; but to the truly wise, it will be <i>life +immeasurable</i>. This is a paradox, but it takes a paradox to +tell the greatest truths!</p> +<p>So much for the act of coitus in the man-superior position, +when the wife is slower timed than the husband and they adopt +this method, and the accompanying means for "getting together." +Now, if the other position is taken, that of the wife +semi-superior, in the husband's arms, as he lies partly on his +back and partly on his left side, etc., here are a few points to +be noted to advantage.</p> +<p>Still assuming that the wife is the slower-timed of the two, +it is entirely possible that when she has "come over" and has +gotten into position, that she may not yet be fully ready for the +union of the organs. The very time that it takes for her to get +into position, the changing of the position of her body, from her +back to her right side; the temporary cessation of the stroking +of the vulva by her husbands's [sic] fingers; all these things +will have a tendency <span class="pagenum"><a name="page120" +id="page120"></a>[pg 120]</span>to retard her passion, for the +time being, and all this loss ought to be made good, if not added +to, before the <i>second</i> part of the act is entered upon. +And, in this position, all this can most happily be brought +about, as follows:—</p> +<p>Lying in each other's arms, in this <i>second</i> described +position, the organs naturally <i>come</i> into contact in such a +way as to make the further excitation of the vulva and clitoris +most natural and easy. The spreading of the wife's hips, caused +by her throwing her left leg over her husband's right and drawing +up of her left knee, opens the vulva wide; and, at the same time, +the penis, from the very nature of its position, will lie at full +length in the opening, thus exposed—not entering the +vagina, but remaining "without the gate" as yet.</p> +<p>By this time the vulva will have become enlarged and +elongated, the lips full and the clitoris erect, all in a state +of tumescence, and all covered with the pre-coital fluid; the +lips so distended that, when thus parted, they form the sides of +a labial canal, as it were (a delectable, and most delicately +smooth-walled channel). Now, in this extended condition, which is +fully as long as the penis, from end to end of its pathway of +dalliance, every part covered with the most delicately sensitive +nerve-filaments, and all of these in an ecstasy of keenness to +the sense of touch, and in the most perfect of "love's strolling +way,"—if the penis, as it were, stands up full and strong, +in such fashion that it touches the vulva at every point, both +inner and outer labiae, the clitoris and <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page121" id="page121"></a>[pg 121]</span>all, for a space +of five or six inches in length; while the protruded and +well-moistened lips of the vulva as it were reach out, and clasp +themselves at least half way around their suitor, laving him with +their luscious kisses—in this position, the wife being +partly above, and so, perfectly free to move her "love way" as +she will, she can slide the pathway itself a full six or more +inches, up and down, stroking all the area against the penis as +she moves; that, again, by its very position, being held firmly +in contact by its stiffness and stoutness; the glans penis +throbbing lustily against the clitoris when the two meet at the +extreme of the wife's up-stroke; she, pausing an instant, just +then, to more perfectly enjoy the sensation; the penis slipping +past the now wide open vaginal mouth, which reaches out at every +down stroke to engulf it—dallying, delaying, coquetting, +tantalizing, both man and woman; playing the game in almost a +swoon of ecstatic delight—under such conditions the wife's +passion will rush to its fullest development, till, when she +will, she can drop her vagina upon the penis in such a way that +the <i>two will be made one</i>, in absolute perfection, on a +single move, and from this to the finish it is but a few motions +distant.</p> +<p>In some respects this manner of coitus, and this means of +"going off together" is unsurpassed.</p> +<p>Which leads to the remark that this position is sometimes the +best for the full completion of the act. It is the easiest of all +positions, the least fatiguing. And if the wife is tired, or not +quite "up to grade," <span class="pagenum"><a name="page122" +id="page122"></a>[pg 122]</span>she can enjoy an embrace of this +sort without fatigue, even to the full. For the organs can be +united in this position quite perfectly, though the penis will +not penetrate the vagina to as great a length as in the other +position. Still, the climax can be perfectly reached in this way, +and it is one of the best ways to make sure of perfect "timing," +of "spending" exactly together, which is greatly in its +favor.</p> +<p>If there is a mis-matching of the organs, the vagina of the +wife being too short for her husband's penis, this is a most +excellent way for meeting and overcoming that difficulty.</p> +<p>This naturally leads to another matter, as follows:—It +might seem to the reader that the different "strokings" of the +vulva, with the fingers, or the penis, all the contact being +outside the vagina, that all of these methods of excitation smack +of masturbation, and so are of doubtful rightness. In reply to +which, note the following:</p> +<p>The entire affair of coition, in humanity, has already been +shown to be something wholly above and beyond mere animality. It +is the exercise of functions that belong <i>only to mankind</i>, +and hence is not amenable to <i>any</i> merely <i>animal</i> laws +or restrictions! It is the source of numberless human joys, and +<i>any</i> method of engaging in the act of mutual delight, that +is, of <i>mutually happifying</i>, is legitimate and +<i>altogether right</i>. And so, if the parties choose to +increase their mutual delight, if the husband wishes to arouse +and intensify his wife's passion by <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page123" id="page123"></a>[pg 123]</span>stroking her vulva +with his saliva-moistened fingers, and <i>she wishes him to do +so</i>, such act is as right and as wholesome as is coitus in the +by-some-supposed-to-be <i>only</i> way of its exercise. Let this +never be doubted.</p> +<p>The fact is, this whole matter of sexual excitation by means +of the hand, or in other ways than the union of the organs, has +received a black eye at the hands of would be purists, which it +in no way deserves. As already noted, the word masturbation has +been fastened to such acts, and then, any and every form of it +has been condemned far beyond what the facts warrant, till the +minds of the rank and file are wholly misled in the premises! +When one looks at the situation from the point of view which +insists that <i>all</i> the sex functions should be under the +control of the <i>will</i>, then light is thrown upon the entire +subject. Seen in this way, <i>any</i> form of sex stimulation, or +auto-erotism even (auto-erotism means <i>self</i> sex-excitation) +which is NOT CARRIED TO EXCESS, is <i>right</i> and +<i>wholesome</i>! But we have been taught the contrary of this +for so long that it is difficult for us to realize that it is +true. <i>But it is</i>!</p> +<p>Hence, if it should sometimes happen that the husband should +arrive at the climax before the wife does, and he could not bring +her to an orgasm by excitation with his spent penis, it would be +<i>perfectly right for him to substitute his fingers, and satisfy +her in that way</i>. Of course, this would not be as satisfying +to her as it would have been could she have met him +simultaneously, but it is <i>far better than for her <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page124" id="page124"></a>[pg +124]</span>not to be entirely gratified! Many a woman</i> SUFFERS +ALL NIGHT LONG <i>with unsatisfied desire, her organs congested +and tumescent, because she has been left</i> UNSATISFIED <i>by a +husband who has spent before she was ready</i>, AND THEN LEFT +HER! Such cases might be <i>entirely relieved</i>, if the parties +<i>knew the truth</i>, and were not too <i>ignorant</i>, or +<i>prejudiced</i>, or <i>ashamed</i> to do what should be done to +make the best of a situation.</p> +<p>Of course, no husband should make a <i>practice</i> of +gratifying himself fully, and then bringing his wife to the +climax with his fingers. Such a practice would be <i>selfish</i> +and <i>wrong</i>. But as an <i>emergency</i> way of escape, the +method is to be commended.</p> +<p>Of course, as has already been explained, the husband always +has the advantage, that he can be brought to the orgasm by the +insertion of the penis into the vagina, <i>after</i> his wife has +spent, if she arrives first, since her organs detumesce slowly, +and their distended condition permits such action on his part, +for some time after she has passed the climax. But not so with +the husband. Once spent, his penis shrinks to limpness, almost +immediately, and in this condition it cannot satisfy the wife in +the least, much less bring her to an orgasm.</p> +<p>Again, if, for any reason, the wife should be unable to meet +her husband in coitus proper, because of weakness, or slight +illness, or perhaps some temporary soreness of the parts, it +would help the situation wonderfully if <i>she</i> would take +<i>his</i> penis in <i>her</i> hand and "play with it" till he +<i>spent</i>. He would love her <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page125" id="page125"></a>[pg 125]</span>for it, kiss her +for it, give her his soul for it!</p> +<p><i>If a bride and bridegroom knew enough to introduce each +other to the delights of an orgasm by "spending" each other by +external excitation of the organs with their hands a few times +before they united the organs at all, it would be to their +lasting well being. This is especially true for the bride</i>. If +her lover would take her in his arms, even with all her clothes +on, as she sat on his lap, in their bridal chamber, alone, and +stroke her vulva till she "<i>spent,</i>" the chances are many to +one that he would have introduced her to such a joy that she +would never forget it, all her life. Surely, such method is +<i>infinitely superior</i> to <i>raping</i> a bride, as is so +frequently done by the ignorant or goody-good young husband, who +"stands upon his <i>rights</i>!"</p> +<p>Indeed, if a bride to be, who was so innocent or ignorant of +her own sex possibilities that she had never experienced an +orgasm—had never "spent"—could be "put wise" before +her bridal-night, if she could be instructed enough to lead her +to engage in some form of auto-erotism, bringing herself to an +orgasm with her own hand, <i>just for the sake of the experience +it would give her, and so that she would have some clear idea of +what she really wanted, before she went into the arms of her +lover—if she could do this, in the right mental attitude, +it would be greatly to her well-being, a worthy and valuable +addition to her stock of knowledge of herself and of the powers +that are latent within her. Her alleged loss of innocence by such +act would be as nothing <span class="pagenum"><a name="page126" +id="page126"></a>[pg 126]</span>compared with the wisdom she +would gain by the experience. When innocence leads to harmful +results, it is time it was ended, and that knowledge takes its +place!</i></p> +<p>As for the husband, the chances are not one in a million that +he will be ignorant of what an orgasm is like before he marries, +since all healthy young men "spend" at least once a week, +automatically, if not otherwise!</p> +<p>Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may +be practiced by both men and women, to their healthful benefit, +when sexual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is +only when <i>carried to excess</i> that such action is in any way +harmful. The only danger is, that, the individual being alone and +having all the means for self-gratification in his or her own +hands, so to speak, it is quite possible to indulge in the action +too freely, which, of course, leads to bad results. <i>But the +act itself is not bad.</i> On the contrary, when kept within +bounds, it is healthful and wholesome.</p> +<p>There are many unmarried women, maiden ladies, and especially +widows, who would greatly improve their health if they practiced +some form of auto-erotism, occasionally. When husbands and wives +are forced to be much away from each other, it is right for them +to occasionally satisfy themselves in this way, their souls +filled with loving thoughts of the absent one the while.</p> +<p>There is any amount of nonsense current about auto-erotism. As +a matter of fact, all boys masturbate, <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page127" id="page127"></a>[pg 127]</span>and many girls +also. Some authors claim that more than half of all women engage +in some form of auto-erotism, at some time in their lives, and +the estimate is probably too low rather than too high. But, +unless they carry the act to excess, they are guilty of no wrong. +Not infrequently, they may make the act a means of great good to +themselves. <i>The sex organs are alive! They constantly secrete +fluids that need to be excreted, as all other organs of the body +do. They ought to be relieved, as their nature requires they +should be.</i> If this cannot be accomplished as the most natural +way prescribes, it is only right to do the next best thing. Only, +it should not be carried to excess. Be temperate in all things. +Gratify yourself, but don't ABUSE yourself. Auto-erotism, or +masturbation, should never be permitted to become "self-abuse," +nor is there any need that it should ever do so. It should be +self-upbuilding, not self degrading. Rightly used it can be +thus.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page128" id="page128"></a>[pg +128]</span> +<h2>IX</h2> +<h3>COITUS RESERVATUS</h3> +<p>This brings us to another item in the matter of sexual +exercise on the part of the husband and wife, as +follows:—</p> +<p>It should be the constant aim and endeavor of both parties to +continually lift all sex affairs above the plane of animality, +mere physical gratification, into the realm of <i>mental</i> and +<i>spiritual</i> delight. To this end, let it be said at once +that such a condition can be reached, in the greatest degree, by +the practice of what is known, in scientific terms, as "<i>coitus +reservatus,"</i> which, translated, means going only <i>part</i> +of the way in the act, and not carrying it to its climax, the +orgasm. Described in terms with which the reader is now familiar, +it means, carrying the act only through the first and second +stages, the "courting" stage, and the union of the organs, and +stopping there! This may seem, at first thought, neither right +nor wise, but, as a matter of fact, it is both, as thousands of +most happily married people have proved.</p> +<p>Going a bit into details, this act of "reservatus" really +unites the first two parts of the act into a common whole, making +it simply one continuous piece of "courting," merely that, and +nothing more. <span class="pagenum"><a name="page129" +id="page129"></a>[pg 129]</span>It is almost entirely a <i>mental +and spiritual love-embrace; and in its perfection, it exalts the +husband and wife to the topmost heights of mental and spiritual +enjoyment and expression</i>.</p> +<p>To engage in this form of coitus, <i>not nearly</i> the effort +should be made to arouse the sexual passions of either of the +parties, as has already been described as fitting for complete +coitus. <i>The orgasm is not the desideratum in this case, but it +is just a delightful expression of mutual love. It is a sort of +prolonged and all-embracing kiss, in which the sex organs are +included as well as the lips. They</i> kiss each other, as the +<i>lips</i> kiss each other. It is "courting," par excellence, +without the hampering of clothes or conventionality of any +kind.</p> +<p>In this act, the lovers simply <i>drift</i>, petting each +other, chatting with each other, visiting, loving, caressing in +any one or all of a thousand ways. The hands "wander idly over +the body," the husband's right hand being specially free and in +perfect position to stroke his wife's back, her hips, her legs, +and pet her from top to toe.</p> +<p>As this part of the act continues, it is the most natural +thing in the world that the sex organs should tumesce, and that +there should be a flow of both prostatic and pre-coital fluids. +That is, the organs quietly and naturally make themselves ready +for meeting. And when they are duly tumescent, are properly +enlarged and lubricated, let the wife come over into her lover's +arms, IN THE SECOND POSITION described, and the organs be slipped +together easily, <span class="pagenum"><a name="page130" +id="page130"></a>[pg 130]</span>delightfully, and then, <i>let +them stay so</i>, fully together, <i>but do not go on with the +third part of the act</i>, the motion of the organs. Just lie +still and enjoy the embrace, kiss, chat, court, love, dream, +enjoy!</p> +<p>This union can be protracted to almost any length, after the +lovers learn how to do it. Sometimes the organs may be together +only a few minutes, sometimes for an hour, or even longer. If the +parties get tired, or sleepy, part the organs, kiss good-night, +and go to sleep. Although it is not at all uncommon for such +lovers, who have fully learned this art, to go to sleep thus, in +each other's arms, their sex organs united; and, in this +position, have the organs detumesce, the penis grow limp and slip +out of the vagina of its own accord, while the vagina also grows +small and the clitoris subsides. This experience is most +delightful and if once experienced, once well mastered by the +husband and wife, it will continually grow in favor, to their +mutual benefit.</p> +<p>This method is of special service during the "unfree time." If +rightly used, it will not tend to increase the desire for +"spending," but it will, on the contrary, allay and satisfy the +sexual desires, most perfectly. If, while learning how, sometimes +the inexperienced should "get run away with," and feel that it is +better to go on and have the climax, all right. But, as time goes +on, the practice of carrying the act only to the end of the +<i>second</i> part, will grow, and in due time be well +established. Those who have mastered this wholesome and loving +art will sometimes <span class="pagenum"><a name="page131" +id="page131"></a>[pg 131]</span>meet in this way a score of times +during a month or so, without once coming to the climax. Such +meeting can be as often as the parties choose, and of as long, or +as short duration as they elect. It is often an excellent way, to +say "good-night;" and if, on waking in the morning, there is time +before rising for a "little court," this slipping the organs +together, for "just a minute," is a most excellent way to begin +the day. The art is worth learning, and most people can learn it, +if they try, <i>and are of the right spirit</i>!</p> +<p>To go back a little: In speaking of mutual masturbation on the +part of the husband and wife, this method of satisfying the sex +nature is of great value, sometimes, especially for use during +the unfree time. If, during these two weeks, the parties get +"waked up," and feel the need of sex exercise, they can satisfy +each other with their hands in a way that will be a great relief +to each. This is specially true for the husband; and a wife, who +is enough of a woman to thus meet her husband's sex-needs, with +her hand, when it is not expedient for him to meet her otherwise, +is a wife to worship!</p> +<p>Sometimes, during the five days of menstruation, during which +time the union of the organs is deemed not best, the wife can +thus help her lover with her hand, to their delight and benefit. +<i>Let love direct the way here, and all will be well</i>.</p> +<p>And here is a curious fact: The hand of the opposite sex will +produce effects on the genitals of the other which will +<i>not</i> be produced in any other way. <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page132" id="page132"></a>[pg 132]</span>Thus, a man may +hold his penis in his own hand for a given length of time, longer +or shorter, and no result will be effected, no secretion of +prostate fluid be made, at all. But let his wife take his penis +in <i>her</i> hand for the same length of time, and the flow of +prostatic fluid will at once take place. This is true whether the +penis be erect or detumescent. If the wife will hold her +husband's limp penis in her hand for but a few minutes, even +though the organ remains limp, the flow of prostatic fluid will +take place! The same is true with regard to the husband's putting +his hand on his wife's vulva. Should <i>she</i> hold her hand +there, no pre-coital fluid would be secreted. With her husband's +hand there, the flow would at once begin.</p> +<p>This is a remarkable physical and psychological phenomenon, +and it is one especially worthy of note. It is this fact that +makes <i>mutual</i> masturbation far superior to auto-erotism. A +husband can thus satisfy a wife with his fingers, or a wife her +husband with her hand, far better than either could bring himself +or herself to the climax alone. This point is of great import, in +considering many of the sex acts of husband and wife.</p> +<p>As a rule, let the husband and wife do <i>whatever their +desire prompts or suggests, and just as they feel they would</i> +LIKE <i>to</i>. Only this, let all be in moderation. <i>Carry +nothing to excess!</i></p> +<p>Which suggests the question often asked: How frequently may +coitus be engaged in? The answer is, just as often as is desired +by <i>both parties, but never to the point of weariness or +depletion of the <span class="pagenum"><a name="page133" +id="page133"></a>[pg 133]</span>physical, mental or spiritual +body</i>. Use good sense here as elsewhere. We eat when we are +hungry, but it is wrong to gorge oneself with food. The same rule +holds with regard to sex exercise. <i>Satisfy the calls of +nature, but</i> NEVER, <i>overdo the matter</i>. BE TEMPERATE, +MANLY, WOMANLY! <i>Don't be afraid or ashamed to do what your +desire and your best judgment say is right. Use common sense, and +you will not go wrong</i>.</p> +<p>And don't wear each other out, either both together, or the +one the other. Many men insist on their rights (THEY HAVE NO +RIGHTS) and greatly debilitate themselves by excess of coition +with their wives. Per contra, there are some women who wear the +lives out of their husbands by the excessive calls they make upon +them for sex-gratification. In the latter case, a man will "go to +pieces" much faster than a woman who is over-taxed. To satisfy +such a woman, a man must spend at least once every time his wife +calls on him. This draws on his vital fluids, at every embrace; +but, as has been stated, there is no escape of vital fluid from +the woman, when she spends, and so she can reach and pass the +orgasm, time and again, and still not have her vitality taxed. +Indeed, in some cases, the oftener a woman spends, the more +animated, robust and healthful she becomes. In case unmatched +people meet as husband and wife, they should do their best to +adjust themselves to each other's condition, keeping always in +mind the best welfare, each of the other.</p> +<p>There are records of women who delight to spend <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page134" id="page134"></a>[pg +134]</span>a dozen times in a single night. One queen made a law +that every man should cohabit with his wife at least seven times +each night! Of course, she was an abnormal woman, though the +author once knew a good orthodox deacon who would have been +delighted to live under the rule of such a law, for seven times a +night was the limit his wife imposed upon him! He was also +abnormal.</p> +<p>Luther said twice a week was the rule for coitus, and this is +a very common practice. No absolute rule can be given, however, +except for each couple to act as they feel, keeping always within +the bounds of common sense and true temperance.</p> +<p>There are some men and women so constituted, nervously, or by +temperament, that they are <i>obliged</i> to rigorously +<i>limit</i> their acts of coition. Some men cannot engage in the +act more than once or twice a month and maintain their health. +For them, the act draws on their vitality so severely that it +quite upsets them, in almost every case. During the act, they are +subjected to nervous shocks, they "see stars," and undergo rigors +and nervous sweats which are severely debilitating. Often, too, +they will lie awake all night after engaging in the act, and be +more or less of a wreck for a day or two afterwards.</p> +<p>Some women, too, are of a similar nature of organization, and +undergo similar experiences. Of course, in all such cases, +unusual care should be taken never to reach the point of +excess.</p> +<p>It is unfortunate if people are married who are ill-matched in +this regard, especially so if the difference <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page135" id="page135"></a>[pg +135]</span>between the two is of a pronounced nature, as when the +husband or the wife is very amorous and virile, while his or her +mate is unable to engage in the act, to any considerable extent, +without suffering therefrom. If such case arises, the best should +be made of the situation, the more robust party accommodating +himself or herself to the incompetency or inability of the other, +and the weaker one doing all that can rightly be done to +strengthen and develop his or her infirmity. If this is done, +<i>the chances are many to one that, as times goes on, the +parties will grow more and more alike—the strong becoming +more docile and the weaker one more robust. Take time, love each +other, court and be courted, and only the best results trill come +of it all</i>.</p> +<p>Now there are some women who are called "anesthetic," that is, +they have no sex-passion, though the sex parts may be normal. +Many physicians declare that as high as forty per cent of the +women <i>who are reared in modern social life</i> are thus +lacking. These women engage in coitus, though they get no +pleasure from the act. They never reach the orgasm, and have no +sensation of delight from the act; they seldom secrete the +pre-coital fluid, and hence the union of the organs, or their +motion, are never easy or pleasurable. They can become mothers, +and often such bear many children. Such condition is greatly to +be regretted, and many women suffer greatly from this cause.</p> +<p>It is highly probable, though, that many women who are counted +as thus lacking are <i>not, really, so!</i> <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page136" id="page136"></a>[pg +136]</span>Many women will begin married life wholly anesthetic, +and, often, sometime will become normal in this regard. <i>This +often happens. The probability is that many wives are not +properly "courted" by their husbands</i>—THE FIRST PART OF +THE ACT IS NEGLECTED, <i>or the husband merely acts on his +rights</i>—cohabits like a goat, all in an instant, anxious +only to gratify his own <i>lust</i>; and that, <i>under such +treatment, the wife never gets a fair chance to really know her +own powers</i>. Such cases are sad beyond telling. For the most +part, <i>they are the result of ignorance on the part of the +husband, and innocence and wrong teaching—wrong mental +attitude—on the part of the wife</i>. HENCE THE NEED OF +INSTRUCTIONS TO BOTH.</p> +<p>But if almost any woman will get the <i>right mental +attitude</i> toward sex-meeting, and then can be courted, as has +been prescribed in these pages, the cases are <i>rare indeed</i> +where a woman can be found who is <i>really</i> anesthetic. If +you, wife, or you, husband, are "up against" such a condition, +try "courting," as herewith laid down, <i>in a proper mood and +spirit, and you will come out all right. There is no doubt of +it</i>.</p> +<p>On the contrary, if the man is "impotent" there is small hope +of his ever coming out of such condition, and the chances are +many to one that he will never be able to satisfy his wife +sexually. He may be a "good man," in a way, but he can never be a +good <i>husband</i>, in the full meaning of that word.</p> +<p>On the other hand, if a woman marries for <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page137" id="page137"></a>[pg +137]</span>money, or a home, or position, or place, or power, or +a "meal-ticket"—for <i>anything but love</i>, she will +doubtless be anesthetic <i>and stay so</i>. She deserves to! She +sells herself for a mess of pottage, whoever she is. She may be a +"good woman," but she can never be a good <i>wife</i>.</p> +<p>The question is sometimes asked as to how late in life the sex +organs can function pleasurably and wholesomely for the parties +concerned. And here, as elsewhere, the reply can only be that it +all depends on the individual. But this is true, that, as a rule, +the status of the individual during the years of active life will +persist, even to old age, if the sex-functions are used and not +abused. There is no function of the body, however, which will "go +to pieces" quicker, and ever after be a wreck, as will the sex +organs, if they are not treated rightly.</p> +<p>And this works both ways: If too rigorously held in check, +<i>if denied all functioning whatever, the parts will atrophy, to +the detriment of the whole nature, physical, mental, and +spiritual</i>. The body will become "dried up," the sex organs +shriveled, and a corresponding shrinking of the whole man or +woman, in all parts of the being, is very apt to follow.</p> +<p>On the other hand, an excess of sex-functioning will soon +deprive the individual of all such power whatsoever. A man will, +in his comparatively early life, lose the power of erection, or +tumescence entirely, as a result of excess, either by +masturbation or from too frequent coitus; and on the part of the +woman, many unfortunate conditions are liable to <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page138" id="page138"></a>[pg +138]</span>arise. However, for reasons that have already been +stated, a woman who is strongly sexed, and of a pronounced +amorous nature, can maintain even great excess of sex exercise +without suffering such ill results as would befall a man who +should so indulge. That is, an excessively passionate wife can +far sooner wear the life out of a husband who is only moderately +amorous, than can an abnormally passionate husband wear out a +moderately amorous wife.</p> +<p>But if the sex nature of the husband and wife are well cared +for during the years of active life, neither too much restrained +or too profusely exercised, the functioning power of the sex +organs will remain, even to old age, with all their +pleasure-giving powers and sensations intact. This is a wonderful +physiological fact, which leads to a conclusion, as +follows:—</p> +<p>This fact of the staying qualities of the power of sex +functioning, even to old age, is the <i>supreme</i> proof of the +fact that sex, in the human family, <i>serves a purpose other +than reproduction</i>!</p> +<p>For, see! A woman loses the power to conceive when she reaches +the "turn of life," when her menses cease, that is, when she is +between forty and fifty years of age. And if pleasure in coition +serves only to induce her to engage in the act for the purpose of +increasing the probability of her becoming pregnant, if this is +the <i>sole</i> purpose of desire for sex intercourse, such +desire, such pleasure, <i>ought to cease</i> at that period of +feminine life. <i>But this is by no means the case</i>! If a wife +is a normal woman, sexually, <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page139" id="page139"></a>[pg 139]</span>and has neither +abused her sex nature or had it abused, or neglected, and is a +well woman, she will enjoy coitus as much after she has passed +her three score and ten date in her life as she did before! She +may not care to engage in the act as frequently as in her younger +days; but if she is well courted by her old lover, all the joys +of the former days are still hers, to as great a degree as ever. +And what is true of her is true of her husband, if he is well +preserved, as she is, has never abused himself or been +abused.</p> +<p>This is a reward of virtue, for old lovers, that pays a big +premium on righteous sex-action in earlier years! More than all, +<i>it is a proof, beyond all question, that the purpose of sex in +humanity is something more than procreation, that there is such a +thing as the Art of Love, and that it ought to be taught and well +learned by every husband and wife, in their early married +life</i>.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page140" id="page140"></a>[pg +140]</span> +<h2>X</h2> +<h3>CLEANLINESS</h3> +<p>It would hardly seem necessary to be said, and yet many +experiences of husbands and wives prove that it needs to be said, +that both parties should take great pains to keep their bodies, +all parts of them, always sweet and clean. Strange as it may +seem, many wives are exceedingly careless in this respect! It is +a matter of common report among men, that harlots take more pains +to make and keep their bodies, and especially their genitals, +clean and attractive, than many wives do! Surely, this ought not +to be so, and yet it often is.</p> +<p>And that it is, is only one more unfortunate result that +springs from the feeling of "Oh, we are married now." The wife or +the husband feels that there is no longer any need of wooing each +other. All of which leads to woe, woe, woe! The wife should keep +her whole body so sweet and clean that her husband can kiss her +from top to toe, if he wants to—and the chances are that he +will want to, if she so keeps herself! In the one case, such a +caress is a bit of <span class="pagenum"><a name="page141" +id="page141"></a>[pg 141]</span>heaven to a husband, in the other +it is a bit of hell! It will disgust where it ought to delight. +And when a wife disgusts her husband, the end of a happy married +life has come!</p> +<p>The wife should always wash her vulva with soap and warm water +before retiring, and if reservatus is to be engaged in in the +morning, after urination, she should thoroughly cleanse the parts +before union takes place. Let her be <i>ever</i> mindful to keep +her "love cup" worthy to meet its lover.</p> +<p>And the husband should be equally careful to keep his body +sweet and clean. He should wash the glans penis thoroughly, with +soap and water, at least once every day, drawing the foreskin +back so as to fully cleanse the indenture above the gland, which +secretes a substance that very soon emits an offensive odor +unless removed. Both parties should keep their arm pits so that +they will not be "smelly," and the feet should likewise be kept +inodorous.</p> +<p>One of the chief objections to smoking or chewing tobacco is +that it spoils the breath, and so makes it offensive to the wife, +whereas it should be most attractive. In a word, both the husband +and wife cannot be too careful, in all ways, in making and +keeping their bodies mutually attractive. As has already been +said, the sole aim of all the sexual experience of a husband and +wife should be to raise the function more and more <i>away</i> +from the plane of <span class="pagenum"><a name="page142" +id="page142"></a>[pg 142]</span><i>physical</i> gratification and +elevate it continually towards the realm of <i>mental</i> and +<i>spiritual delight</i>. This is a mission of sex in the human +family that should be made the most of. It involves the +cultivation of the Art of Love, which is truly the art of arts, +par excellence.</p> +<p>The secret of success in establishing righteous and happy sex +relations between husband and wife is, on the part of the man, +that <i>all his actions should be those of a loving +gentleman</i>. This does not mean effeminacy on his part—he +must be virile, bold, strong, aggressive, positive, +<i>compelling</i>. And yet, all these manly virtues must be +expressed in terms of <i>loving and gentle</i> ACTS. This is a +paradox, but it is true!</p> +<p>On the part of the woman, the chief item on her side is, for +her to attain a <i>correct mental and spiritual attitude toward +her own sex-nature and that of her husband, and toward their +common expression</i>. All her training and environment now +hinder her from such achievement; but if she be a true woman, her +nature will reveal the truth to her, and if she will trust to +that—do what that prompts her to do, she will come out all +right. It will take time to reach such results; but if she will +persist, she will succeed. Let her come to the realization of the +fact that sex in men and women is <i>not</i> unclean, vulgar, +lowdown, sinful; but that it is <i>clean, pure, lofty</i>, +GOD-BORN! Rightly exercised, it leads to the highest well-being +of both the husband and wife; it brings them to their physical, +mental and spiritual noblest and <span class="pagenum"><a +name="page143" id="page143"></a>[pg 143]</span>best. Let the wife +get this view of the situation, which is the only true view, and +then let her act accordingly, and she will have attained. A +husband and wife who have reached this <i>modus vivendi</i> have +established a heaven on earth.</p> +<h3>EDITOR'S NOTE</h3> +<p>Dr. Long's description of "Free Time" should be thoroughly +understood by the readers of this book. Since it is practically +impossible to conduct exact scientific tests under strict control +(the reason for which can be readily understood) there is much +difference of opinion among physicians and sexologists on this +subject.</p> +<p>Some say there is no such thing as "Free Time." Others agree +with Dr. Long that there is a period of "Free Time." Still a +third group take the conservative viewpoint that further proof is +necessary. The publishers offer this explanation as a necessary +comment.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page144" id="page144"></a>[pg +144]</span> +<h2>XI</h2> +<h3>PREGNANCY</h3> +<p>And now just a few words about having children, and this +treatise will end.</p> +<p>As has already been said, every true husband and wife who are +well enough and strong enough, and who are reasonably furnished +with this world's goods, ought to have and rear at least two +children. The world needs at least so many, even if all children +lived and grew up, to keep up the constant number of people on +the earth. But, far more than this, the husband and wife need +children <i>to make a home complete, and a complete home is the +supreme attainment of human life!</i></p> +<p>This does not mean that people should not marry unless they +can have children; there are many women who should never even try +to become mothers. But these should not be deprived of all sexual +joys for this reason. On the contrary, it is for their best good, +in most cases, that they should marry and so live normal sex +lives, in all respects except parenthood.</p> +<p>But, for the most part, husbands and wives <i>can</i> have +children, if they so desire, <i>and they</i> SHOULD <i>so +desire</i>.</p> +<p>And, so desiring, the question is, How can they <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page145" id="page145"></a>[pg +145]</span>best fulfil such desire?</p> +<p>As a matter of fact, there is very little that is really known +about the begetting of children, and the securing of the best +results from such action. The laws of human heredity are, as yet, +for the most part, unknown. But common sense would seem to +indicate a few things that must be best in the premises.</p> +<p>Thus, it would seem to be for the best that the husband and +wife should be in good physical condition when a child is +begotten. More than this, it would seem right that the act of +begetting should be a <i>deliberate</i>, and not a mere +<i>chance</i> begetting. Hence, in general, it is well for the +husband and wife to <i>agree</i> upon a time for the begetting of +a child, and <i>deliberately accomplish a sex-meeting for such +purpose</i>. Although, one instinctively feels that such a +deliberate meeting might be too matter of fact—too cold and +formal, lacking in warm blood and genuine emotion; still, the +probabilities are that even this could be overcome, if kept in +mind and "provided for."</p> +<p>Referring to the things that have already been said, of course +an embrace which is to result in pregnancy should be one of the +most perfect that can possibly be experienced, one in which, in +an ecstasy of love's delight, husband and wife merge their souls +and bodies into a perfect oneness—it would seem that from +such a meeting the best, and only the best results could +come.</p> +<p>And so if the husband and wife will agree that <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page146" id="page146"></a>[pg +146]</span>from a given time on, they will cease to have a care +to prevent conception; and then, sometime <i>immediately +following the fifth day after the beginning of the menstrual +flow</i>, they will naturally meet in a <i>perfect embrace</i>, +the probabilities are that they will have done the best possible +to secure the highest attainable results from the act of +begetting a child.</p> +<p>As a rule, the proper time for such begetting is between the +<i>fifth</i> and the <i>tenth</i> day after the beginning of the +menstrual flow. It is sometimes best, however, to make the +meeting earlier than this, even before the flow has ceased. Some +women will conceive then who cannot do so at any other time. And +so, if a wife should be unable to conceive between the fifth and +the tenth day, as noted, let an earlier date be tried. If this +should fail, consult a reliable physician.</p> +<p>It ought to be said, too, that putting off having children +<i>too long</i>, is very apt to result in the sterility of the +wife. Many a young wife, who has really wanted to have children +<i>sometime</i>, and who would be greatly grieved if she thought +she could <i>not</i> bear a child, has kept putting it off, and +has done this <i>so often</i>, and for <i>so long</i>, that, when +the "convenient day" does come, she finds that she has "sinned +away her day of grace."</p> +<p>Speaking generally, the first baby should be born not much +later than two years after marriage. There are, of course, +exceptions to this, but it is a good rule to go by.</p> +<p><i>Have your children when you are young</i>! This <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page147" id="page147"></a>[pg +147]</span>is common sense, it comes out best in the long run, +and is the best thing to do, ninety-nine times in a hundred. +Then, you are nearer the age of your children as they grow up +than if you waited till you were in the late thirties before the +children came. If your son or daughter is only twenty-some years +younger than you are, you can be "kids" with them. If you are +forty years old when they are born, you will always be "old +folks" to them. Have the babies when you are young. It is far +better so.</p> +<p>If no children come from the meeting of husband and wife +consult a good doctor. But, in such event, if neither of the +parties is to blame—or even otherwise, make the best of the +situation, love each other, and make the most of wedded life with +what is left.</p> +<p>Above all, with children or without (and a thousand times +better with) make a home that is a home. That is what sex in the +human family, what married life is for—to make a home. +Nearly all that makes a home is centered around sex. No two +normal <i>men</i> can make a home! No two normal <i>women</i> can +make a home! <i>It takes a man and a woman to make a home. It +takes father, mother and children to make the most perfect home. +Make up your minds to have a most perfect home, and do your +utmost to reach that goal</i>!</p> +<p>The query often arises in the minds of conscientious husbands +and wives whether or not it is right to engage in coitus during +pregnancy. On this point authorities differ, though most of them +hold against such practice. The reasons they give for <span +class="pagenum"><a name="page148" id="page148"></a>[pg +148]</span>such adverse decision are all based on the same old +infernal lie, namely, that, sexually, man is a mere animal, and +so is subject to the laws and practices of mere animality. This +is the worst outrage ever perfected by a false philosophy, which +is heralded as the will of God. Out on it, altogether!</p> +<p>The simple truth, is that, if the husband and wife have +<i>mastered the Art of Love</i>, so that they <i>mutually desire +each other, and both long for sex exercise during the gestation +period</i>, it is <i>perfectly right</i> and WISE for them to +satisfy their <i>natural</i> COMMON wishes.</p> +<p>Of course, in such exercise, the utmost care should be taken +not to press too hard upon the pelvic region of the woman, and in +this regard, the word of caution needs to be heeded, as much by +the prospective mother as by her mate. For, in the intensity of +an orgasm, she may be tempted to crowd her body too violently +against her husband, and so possible harm might result. +Especially if the husband-superior position is taken during the +act, he should be doubly careful not to permit the weight of his +body to rest upon the enlarged part of the wife's anatomy, not in +the least.</p> +<p>Indeed, the safest position for coitus, during pregnancy is, +the woman on her back, and the man with his hips on the bed below +hers, so that there is no possibility of pressure on her abdomen, +which is perfectly free, in this position. In this position, the +act may be engaged in, during pregnancy, as often as mutually +desired, to the benefit of both parties.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page149" id="page149"></a>[pg +149]</span> +<p>Many pregnant women are more than usually passionate during +the period of gestation. This is especially the case when the +wife is happy in her condition, when she rejoices with exceeding +great joy that she is on the way to experience the divine crown +of wifehood—maternity! When such a woman desires her +husband in love's embrace, it is cruel to deprive her of her +longed-for delight.</p> +<p>Again, a wife, unpregnant, and when she rightfully wishes to +remain so, may be somewhat fearful of becoming pregnant when she +meets her husband, and so hesitate to give her passion full play, +thereby missing the utmost delights of an embrace—but if +she be pregnant, and so has no fear on this score, she can give +herself up to utter abandonment to her impulses.</p> +<p>On this point, the final word is, use <i>common sense</i>, in +a <i>spirit of absolute</i> MUTUALITY.</p> +<p>It goes without saying that it would be wicked, not to say a +crime, for a husband to <i>compel</i> his wife to engage in +coitus during pregnancy, against her will. On the other hand, +many a wife has first experienced an orgasm when meeting her +husband during pregnancy. The reason for this is that her fear of +becoming pregnant is not then present—a condition which has +before kept her from the climax.</p> +<p>It is further true that many a wife will greatly relieve and +delight her husband if, on occasion, and as both may desire, she +will relieve him with her hand; or sometimes, that they engage in +mutual relief by this means during pregnancy.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page150" id="page150"></a>[pg +150]</span> +<h2>XII</h2> +<h3>CONCLUSION</h3> +<p>In closing this volume, the author wishes to say, as in +opening, that no apology is offered for what has been written or +said herewith. All has been set down in love, by a lover, for the +sake of lovers yet to be, <i>in the hope of helping them on +towards a divine consummation</i>.</p> +<p>As a final direction <i>Master the Art of Love</i>, which is +<i>the divinest art in all the world; then study, and do your +best to master the Science of Procreation</i>. It is these two, +the Art of Love and the Science of Procreation, that, together, +make married life a success. Without these, or, surely, without +the first, there can be no such thing as true marriage. Hence, +this is the <i>first</i> to learn, to master. It is worthy of the +most careful study, the most faithful experiment.</p> +<p>It is right for people who never can have children to marry, +and to share with each other mutual sex delights. It is far +better for a husband and wife, having learned the Art of Love, to +have children—and a home.</p> +<p>Thrice happy are the married lovers who live in the spirit of +this sentiment, exalted to the highest spiritual plane; and if, +out of such love exchanges children are begotten and born, and a +perfect home <span class="pagenum"><a name="page151" +id="page151"></a>[pg 151]</span>is established, then married life +is worth living. God has joined such together and nothing can put +them asunder.</p> +<hr /> +<p>This volume is not something to be read once, and then put +aside and forgotten. It should be studied, experimented upon, +read again and again, especially by those who have difficulties +in married life to overcome. And for <i>all</i> young married +people, it should be a sort of Guide to Happiness that should be +frequently consulted and its directions "tried out" and followed +to the limit.</p> +<p>The fact is that, in true marriage, neither the husband nor +the wife can be selfishly supreme. If selfishness asserts itself, +on the part of either husband or wife, hell is sure to follow. +There can be no true marriage under such circumstances, because +there is no supremacy in true love, and it is only true love that +can make an abiding true marriage. In true marriage, such as both +God and Nature design should be, there is perfect comradery, +equals walking with equals, with the principle of love and mutual +helpfulness shared alike by both. Let no reader of this book +forget these primal facts, or fail to act in accordance with +them! For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven!</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<h2>Advertisements</h2> +<p><b>WOMAN: HER SEX and LOVE LIFE</b></p> +<p>By Dr. William J. Robinson</p> +<p>416 Pages</p> +<p>Cloth</p> +<p>$3.00</p> +<p>No matter what books you have read on sex information, no +matter what question is agitating your mind, the information +given in this wonderful book will solve your problem. Dr. +Robinson not only gives a full treatise on the delicate formation +of woman's wonderful body, but he also explains the changes which +follow the intimate experiences of her sexual life. Men as well +as women must know what these changes are. No one, married or +single, can afford to be ignorant of the knowledge contained in +this wonderful book. One woman writes: "Woman: Her Sex and Love +Life has been a life saver to me. It has prevented a serious +error that would have been a blot upon my life."</p> +<center>A FEW OF THE 53 CHAPTERS</center> +<p>Reasons why a misstep in a girl is more serious than in a +boy</p> +<p>Sex knowledge of paramount importance to girls and women</p> +<p>The wife's attitude toward the marital relations</p> +<p>The female sex organs</p> +<p>The sex instinct</p> +<p>How to keep a husband's love</p> +<p>Who may and may not marry</p> +<p>Advice to girls approaching womanhood</p> +<p>Illegitimate motherhood</p> +<p>Advice to parents of unfortunate girls</p> +<p>What is love?</p> +<p>Late marriages and chastity in men</p> +<p>Harmful advice to young women</p> +<p>Birth control</p> +<p>Regarding flirtation</p> +<p>What a girl has a right to demand of her future husband</p> +<p>Advice to the married or those about to be</p> +<p>Importance of first few weeks of married life</p> +<p>Infatuation mistaken for love</p> +<p>Woman as man's chattel</p> +<p>Advice to the wife of the flirtatious man</p> +<p>The place love occupies in woman's life</p> +<p>Abortion and miscarriage</p> +<p>Three venereal diseases</p> +<p>Measures for prevention after sexual relations</p> +<p>Marital relations and frigid woman</p> +<p>The girl who lost her virginity</p> +<p>Treatment of sterility</p> +<p>Justifiable innocent deception</p> +<p>ORDER YOUR COPY of this important and valuable book at once. +You will never regret it. Certain single chapters are alone worth +the price asked for the entire book.</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><b>SEXUAL TRUTHS</b></p> +<p>Dr. Wm. J. Robinson, Editor</p> +<p>400 Pages</p> +<p>Cloth</p> +<p>NOW ONLY $3.00</p> +<p>This is one of the most unique books ever printed. Its value +cannot be judged simply from this brief description. You must +read it, become familiar with it, before you can understand why +so many of its readers tell us that it is one of the few books +they refuse to lend anybody—because they always want it +available.</p> +<p>"Sexual Truths" comes as an answer to the repeated requests +from sane, sensible people for the honest, straightforward +information about sex which they cannot find elsewhere. In this +book the full light of scientific reason penetrates every corner +of the sex question. The physical misery and the mental torture +caused by false teachings are banished. Get a copy of this +fascinating and daring book. Learn what the greatest Sexologists +have to say about this great question of life. Read the apt and +brilliant comments of Dr. Robinson.</p> +<p>One of the most valuable chapters of this remarkable book is +that which contains a reprint of a famous letter by Benjamin +Franklin, known as "Advice to a Young Man on Choosing a +Mistress." Few people are aware that this letter exists. The +United States Government is said to have paid $30,000 for the +original. This Secret Franklin Letter, in the estimation of many +people, is alone worth the price of the entire book.</p> +<center><b>Partial Table of Contents</b></center> +<p>Misalliances and unhappy marriages: an important but never +referred to cause</p> +<p>Sexual abstinence and nervousness</p> +<p>Coitus interruptus as cause of nervous disease</p> +<p>Sexual hypochondria and morbid scrupulousness</p> +<p>Double standard of morality</p> +<p>Continence in the two sexes</p> +<p>Is it really impossible to make prostitution harmless?</p> +<p>A problem in sexual ethics</p> +<p>Eugenics, sexual sin, ignorance, and superstition</p> +<p>Is Platonic love normal?</p> +<p>Female sex instinct in relation to morality</p> +<p>Regulation of offspring and sexual morality</p> +<p>Coitus and nightmares</p> +<p>Distinctions between male and female sex instinct</p> +<p>Death during sexual intercourse</p> +<p>False accusation of rape</p> +<p>Strikes against marriage in ancient times</p> +<p>Remarkable experiment in venereal prophylaxis</p> +<p>Effects of masturbation; a genuine human document</p> +<p>A remarkable letter by Benjamin Franklin</p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><b>LOVE</b></p> +<p><i>A Treatise on the Science of Sex Attraction</i></p> +<p>By Bernard S. Talmey, M.D.</p> +<p>512 Pages</p> +<p>131 Illustrations</p> +<p>Cloth</p> +<center><i>Formerly $5.00</i>—NOW ONLY $3.00</center> +<p>Because of the thoroughness and completeness of its contents +and the minute details discussed in each chapter, the sale of +this volume was formerly restricted to physicians. Now, however, +this unusually valuable book has been made available to the +general public; to those thoughtful men and women who desire to +know the real truths and the intimate details about sex and +love.</p> +<center>Partial Table of Contents</center> +<p>Love and civilization</p> +<p>Sex worship</p> +<p>Male internal sex organs</p> +<p>Female internal sex organs</p> +<p>Male external genitals</p> +<p>Female external genitals</p> +<p>Function of testicles, spermatogenesis, function of seminal +vesicles, prostate, urethral glands, semen, erection, +ejaculation, nervous control, organism</p> +<p>Function of ovaries, ovum, menstruation, uterus, female +ejaculation, function of vagina, of clitoris, course of the +sexual act</p> +<p>Quality of pleasure, symptoms of pleasure, orgasm, symptoms of +after-lust, intensity of libido, duration of copulation</p> +<p>Love and passion, development of individual love, +characteristic of the ideal woman's love</p> +<p>Emotions of eros and libido in men and in women, difference in +the two sexes, emotion of jealousy, woman's former +love-affairs</p> +<p>Sexual desires in the old, in infants, causes of early +masturbation</p> +<p>Impotence in male, satyriasis, nymphomania, continence and +impotence, excesses in copulation, practice of withdrawal, four +types of impotencies in males, female impotence, frigidity, +sterility</p> +<p>Engagement rules, wedding day, positions of conjugation, +sequels of great frequency, pain of defloration, conjugation +during menstruation, conjugation during pregnancy, preparation of +the woman's muliebra in partial frigidity, offspring and sexual +life, sterile time for conjugation</p> +<p>History of marriage, promiscuity, consanguineous family, +female chastity, adultery, female morality and reason</p> +<p>Prostitution, clandestine vice, injury of abstinence, ethics +of evolution</p> +<p>This volume has never been sold at any time for less than +$5.00. But, in order to insure its widespread introduction, we +offer it at a special reduced price of only $3.00. special +reduced price of only $3.00.</p> + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living, by H.W. Long + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING *** + +***** This file should be named 13161-h.htm or 13161-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/3/1/6/13161/ + +Produced by Michael Ciesielski, Melissa Er-Raqabi, Joshua Hutchinson +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living + Some Things That All Sane People Ought To Know About Sex Nature And + Sex Functioning; Its Place In The Economy Of Life, Its Proper Training + And Righteous Exercise + + +Author: H.W. Long + +Release Date: August 12, 2004 [EBook #13161] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING *** + + + + +Produced by Michael Ciesielski, Melissa Er-Raqabi, Joshua Hutchinson +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING + + +SOME THINGS THAT ALL SANE PEOPLE OUGHT TO KNOW ABOUT SEX NATURE AND +SEX FUNCTIONING; ITS PLACE IN THE ECONOMY OF LIFE, ITS PROPER TRAINING +AND RIGHTEOUS EXERCISE + +H.W. LONG, M.D. + + +_AUTHORIZED EDITION_ + + +EUGENICS PUBLISHING CO., INC. + +NEW YORK + +1919 + +MADE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA + + + +TO MY FELLOW-MEMBERS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION INTO WHOSE HANDS THIS +BOOK MAY COME, AND TO ALL WHO MAY READ IT UNDER THEIR DIRECTION, THIS +VOLUME IS MOST SINCERELY DEDICATED BY THE AUTHOR. + + + +NOTE TO THE READER + +IN ORDER TO GAIN A CORRECT IMPRESSION OF THE BOOK, IT IS ESSENTIAL +THAT IT BE READ FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END WITHOUT ANY SKIPPING +WHATSOEVER. ONCE READ, IT CAN BE RE-READ, HERE AND THERE, AS THE +READER MAY DESIRE. BUT FOR A FIRST READING, IT IS THE EARNEST WISH +OF THE AUTHOR THAT EVERY WORD BE READ, FOR IN NO OTHER WAY CAN THE +PURPOSE OF THE BOOK BE REALIZED. + + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +As we have moved down the ages, now and then, from the religious +teacher, the statesman, the inventor, the social worker, or from the +doctor, surgeon, or sexologist, there has been a "_vox clamantis in +deserto_." Usually these voices have fallen on unheeding ears; but +again and again some delver in books, some student of men, some +inspired, self-effacing, or altruistic one has taken up the cry; and +at last unthinking, unheeding, superficial, self-satisfied humanity +has turned to listen. + +Aristotle by the sure inductive method learned and taught much, +concerning the sex relations of men and women, that it would profit +us today to heed. Balzac, Luther, Michelet, Spencer, and later, at +our very doors, Krafft-Ebbing, Forel, Bloch, Ellis, Freud, Hall, and +scores of others have added their voices. All these have seen whither +we were drifting, and have made vigorous protests according to their +lights. Many of these protests should have been heard, but were not, +and only now are just beginning to be heeded. Such pioneers in the +field of proper, healthful, ethical, religious, sane daily sex living, +have been Sturgis and Malchow, who talked earnestly to an unheeding +profession of these things, and now, I have the honor to write +an introductory word to a book in this field, that is sane, wise, +practical, entirely truthful, and unspeakably necessary. + +I can endorse the teachings in Dr. Long's book more fully because I +have, for nearly a quarter of a century, been holding similar views, +and dispensing similar, though perhaps less explicit, information. +I know from long observation that the teaching is wholesome and +necessary, and that the results are universally uplifting. Such +teachings improve health, prolong life, and promote virtue, adding to +the happiness and lessening the burdens of men, on the one hand; on +the other, reducing their crimes and vices. A book like this would +have proved invaluable to me on my entrance to the married state; but +had I had it, I might not have been forced to acquire the knowledge +which enables me now to state with all solemnity, that I personally +know hundreds of couples whose lives were wrecked for lack of such +knowledge, and that I more intimately know hundreds of others to +whom verbal teaching along the lines he has laid down, has brought +happiness, health and goodness. + +Dr. Long advances no theories; neither do I. He has found by studying +himself and other people, a sane and salutary way of sex living, and +fearlessly has prescribed this to a limited circle for a long time. I +congratulate him for his perspicacity, temerity, and wisdom. He offers +no apology, and there is no occasion for any. He says, "All has been +set down in love, by a lover, for the sake of lovers yet to be, in the +hope of helping them on toward a divine consummation." That is, he has +developed these ideas at home, and then spread them abroad, or, he has +found them abroad and brought them home; and they worked. + +I also speak somewhat _ex experientia_ and have some intimate personal +knowledge of many of these things. Therefore, I advocate his doctrine, +the more readily, and maintain that humanity needs these ideas as +much today as when M. Jules Lemaitre wrote his late introduction to +Michelet's _L'Amour_. He said: "_Il ne parait pas, apres quarante ans +passes, que les choses aillent mieux, ni que le livre de Michelet +ait rien perdu de son a-propos_." Twenty years more have elapsed +and things have not yet become much better. Frank sex talks like Dr. +Long's teaching are as a-propos today as was Michelet's book when it +was written, or when, after forty years had passed M. Lemaitre wrote +his introduction. + +Idealism is right, and we all approve it; so much so, that many of us +cannot see that ultra-idealism, extremism in right, (it is foolish +to attempt to attain anything better than the best) may be wrong. +Undoubtedly, entire devotion to the material and physical, is also +wrong; but we never must lose sight of the palpable fact that, unless +we have a proper, stable, natural, well-regulated physical or +material foundation, we must fall short of all ideals. Proper physical +adjustments enable the realization of realizable ideals. Unrealizable +ideals are chimeras pursued into futurity, while a world that should +be human and happy waits in vice and misery. I gather that Dr. Long +believes that reducing this vice and misery, and increasing human +happiness and improving health are suitable works with which to +companion a faith in the Arbiter of our destinies. + +If thus he develops his idea of the integrity of the universe, I agree +with him fully. His book, since it delineates the numerous details of +a normal sex life, can be sold, thanks to our prudish public, only to +the profession. I believe it should go to the larger public as it has +gone formerly to his smaller community. + +In spite of imperfect ideals the Orient has endured, while we of the +Occident are fast becoming decadent. We, by learning something of +the art of love, and of the natural life of married people, from the +Hindoos, may perpetuate our civilization. They, by adopting the best +of our transcendentalism, may reach higher development than we yet +have attained. + +The time has come for a book like this to command the attention of +medical men, since now an awakened public demands from them, as the +conservers of life and the directors of physiological living, explicit +directions in everything pertaining to the physician's calling, not +omitting the intimate, intricate, long taboo and disdained details of +sex life and procreation. + +W.F. ROBIE, M.D. + + + + + +CONTENTS + + +INTRODUCTION + +By Dr. W.F. Robie, author of "The Art of Love" + +Need for facts about sex and love--Present ignorance of sex +relations--Sex information improves health, prolongs life, promotes +virtue, adds to happiness--Frank talks needed--This book describes +details of normal sex life, describes art of love, gives explicit +instructions pertaining to intimacies of sex life. + + +FOREWORD + + +Answers problems of sex life in the delicate relations of +marriage--Most people too timid to reveal reasons for their sexual +difficulties--Knowledge in a book less embarrassing to gain--Never +before could people find facts they wanted to know most--This book +prepared especially to help husbands and wives to live wholesome sex +lives--Gives them facts all married people should know--Explains +how to use that information to make marriage a success--Especially +valuable for newlyweds if read on honeymoon--Those now married who do +not get on well together will find in this book relief from suffering +and woe. + + +EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION + + +Wrong teachings about sex--Children brought up in ignorance on sex +matters--No information given by parents, schools, churches--But +children will find out even if they go to wrong sources--Some one must +tell the truth--This book does it. + + +THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION + + +Until recently it was a crime to give knowledge concerning sex +relations--Sex knowledge denied through selfishness or prudery--This +is wrong because sex is of highest importance to human beings--Ills, +crimes, misfortunes are result when people are forced to be ignorant +of knowledge they need--Condemned to suffer tortures when they might +enjoy delights--Sex is clean and natural--At last sex knowledge may +be given freely--Advice in this book gained from personal and +professional experience. + + +THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE + + +Definite information now given which will help husbands and wives +to find perpetual and increasing happiness all their lives--Duty of +brides and grooms to acquaint themselves with each other's sexual +needs--No man or woman should be ashamed of the sexual make-up--They +should be proud of their sexual functions and virility--Read the book +without shame or shock--Gaining honest truth about these matters is +most essential to life. + + +THE SEX ORGANS + + +Male sex organs are penis and testicles--Size and form of penis when +at rest and during sexual excitement--Position of testicles--Why one +teste is larger--Pubic regions in men and women. + +Female sex organs are vulva, vaginal passage, womb, and +ovaries--Length of vaginal passage compared with distended penis--Size +and formation of womb--Position of ovaries. + + +FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS + + +Primary purpose of sex in the human race--Life is the result of union +of two forces--Birth the same in human beings as in other forms of +life--Process of conception in female--How female ovum is fertilized +by male--When puberty begins and ends in women. + +Menstruation, its cause and meaning--When ovum may be +impregnated--Origin of sperm in man--Purpose of prostate gland--What +semen is--For birth of new life union of male and female sex organs +necessary--Glans penis in man and clitoris in woman are "exciting" +focal points--Climax of coitus. + +Use of sexual organs to produce offspring same in mankind as in +animals--One way in which human beings differ from animals in sex +relations--Coitus possible in animals only in "rutting" season--In +human beings coitus enjoyable at any time--What this difference means +to happiness--The basis of real success in marriage--Married people +can reach highest conditions of wedlock when they know and practice +what is right in sex--No "rights" conferred in sex relations through +the ceremony of marriage. + +Different views of sexual relations for purpose of happiness--Padlocks +to prevent exercise of sexual functions--Effect of falsehoods about +sex relations--Innocent brides and goody-good husbands--Differences +of opinion by brides and grooms lead to terrible wrongs on marriage +night--False teaching often results in the "rape of the wedding +night"--How definite knowledge prevents this shock to bride and makes +for perfect bliss--The second kind of coitus reserved only for human +beings can bring highest physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. + + +THE ACT OF COITUS + + +Coitus consists of four parts or acts--Where ninety-nine +one-hundredths of all married troubles begin--Usually husband's fault +due to ignorance or carelessness. + +First part of act of coitus--Difference between men and women in time +needed for sexual readiness--Women usually slower--Prostatic flow +and pre-coital secretion--Coitus harmful when either partner not fully +ready for sexual union--Taking time most important feature--Special +information for newlyweds--Woman's fear of "something new" and of +pregnancy--Husband should not insist upon "rights"--Evils which +follow this wrong attitude--True marriage based on mutual love--Key +to married happiness--Married love needs continual care by husband and +wife--Instructions for performing first part of act of coitus. + +Second part of act of coitus--Many positions possible--Best +position--Instructions for performing second part of act of coitus. + +Third part of act of coitus--A common mistake made by many wives, +especially young brides--Need for complete freedom on part of +woman--Length of time required--Skill and intensity needed by husband +and wife--Instructions for performing third part of act of coitus. + +Fourth and final part of act of coitus--When done correctly greatest +of all human experiences--What happens to the man--What occurs in the +woman--No connection with possibility of pregnancy--Designed by nature +especially for woman's satisfaction and pleasure--Special instruction +for husband and wife--Review of all the four parts of the act of +coitus. + + +THE FIRST UNION + + +Special conditions which must be considered when bride is to +have first sexual congress--Her state of mind--Need for better +acquaintance--What both bride and groom should know about the woman's +sex organs; where located, parts, how constructed, sensitivity--How +shape and size of mouth indicate shape and size of woman's sex organs. + +The hymen or "maidenhead"--Meaning of its presence or absence--How +it may be removed without danger or pain--First union should be +accomplished by mutual desire and effort--Chances of conception in +coitus--Desire for children. + +The right to have children when wanted--A matter of choice--Difference +between infanticide, abortion and prevention of pregnancy--How husband +and wife can tell when there is no danger of impregnation--A rule +of coitus which should never be violated--What information about +pregnancy may be gained from menstrual period--Most women have two +weeks of "free time" each month--Freedom from fear an accomplishment +which adds to happiness of marriage. + + +THE ART OF LOVE + + +Must be learned and mastered because partners in marriage often +not matched physically or psychically--Ordinary cases of physical +mismatching--Difference in size of sex organs may produce unfortunate +results--How to discover physical mismatching--How to correct +it--Instructions for overcoming physical mismatching. + +Psychical mismatching--Differences between men and women cause for +great dissatisfaction if not known and corrected--Instructions for +correcting psychical mismatching if husband is at fault; if wife is +at fault--Extending time of first part of coitus--Inducing pre-coital +flow in woman--Essential that first part of coitus be continued until +woman is ready for second part--Necessity for husband to know ways to +extend time of third part of coitus--"Keeping the cap on"--What wife +can do to correct physical and psychical mismatching. + +Sex stimulation is right and wholesome--Instructions if normal sex +relations are impossible--Special information on sex stimulation for +brides and grooms--Valuable addition to sex knowledge. + + +COITUS RESERVATUS + + +A mental and spiritual love embrace--Fulfillment of +courting--Specially valuable during time when woman is not +"free"--Value of sexual stimulation if not carried to excess. + +Frequency of coitus--Men who wear themselves out--Women who wear out +their husbands--Mismatching in sexual temperament and desire--How +to correct it--Women who are anesthetic to sexual desire, and how to +overcome it--Impotence in men. + +How late in life can coitus be practiced with benefit to +health--Danger of withholding sex functioning--Sex organs able to +function until late in life--Sexual desires in women after "change in +life"--Proof that Art of Love must be learned and that it can bring +lifelong happiness. + + +CLEANLINESS + + +Need for keeping body clean, sexual reaction--Parts of body woman +should be specially careful to keep clean--Portion of body man should +be specially careful to clean--Effect of mouth and armpit odors. + + +PREGNANCY + + +Complete home with children supreme attainment of life--Begetting +children should be deliberate choice by parents--Proper time for +begetting children--Danger of waiting too long to have children--When +first child should be born--At what age of parents should children be +born. + +Is coitus wise during pregnancy--How the Art of Love provides for +this time--Passions of women during period of pregnancy--Criminal for +husband to compel coitus upon wife unless desired by her. + + +CONCLUSION + + +Book written with purpose of helping lover on towards divine +consummation--Two final instructions--Become master of the Art of +Love--Learn science of Procreation. + +About married people who cannot have children--A guide to +happiness--Chief facts of true marriage. + + + + +FOREWORD + +_To Members of the Medical Profession into Whose Hands This Book May +Come_: + + +The following pages are more in the nature of a manuscript, or +heart-to-heart talk between those who have mutual confidence in each +other, than of a technical, or strictly scientific treatise of the +subject in hand; and I cannot do better, for all parties concerned, +than to explain, just here in the beginning, how this came about, +and why I have concluded to leave the copy practically as it was +originally written. + +In common with nearly all members of our profession who are engaged +in the general practice of medicine, I have had numbers of married men +and women, husbands and wives, patients and otherwise, who have come +to me for counsel and advice regarding matters which pertain to their +sex-life, as that problem presented itself to them personally. As we +all know, many of the most serious and complicated cases we have to +deal with have their origins in these delicate relations which so +often exist among wedded people, of all classes and varieties. + +For a number of years I did what I could for these patrons of mine, by +way of confidential talks and the like, my experience in this regard +probably being about on a par with that of my medical brethren who are +engaged in the same kind of work. It is needless to say that I found, +as you have doubtless found under the same conditions, many obstacles +to prevent satisfactory results, by this method of procedure. My +patients were often so reticent, or timid and shame-faced, that it was +frequently difficult to get at the real facts in their cases, and, as +we all know, many of these would, for these and other reasons, conceal +more than they revealed, thereby keeping out of evidence the most +vital and significant items in their individual cases. All these +things, of course, tended to make bad matters worse, or resulted in +nothing that was really worth while. + +After some years of this sort of experience, and meditating much on +the situation, I came to the conclusion that a very large percentage +of all this trouble which I and my patrons had to go up against, was +almost entirely the result of ignorance on the part of those who came +to consult me; and because knowledge is always the antidote for not +knowing, I came to the conclusion that, if it were possible to "put +these people wise" where they were now so uninformed, I might at +once save them from a deal of harm and myself from much trouble and +annoyance. + +Further than this, I remembered once hearing a wise man say that often +"what cannot be said may be sung"; and I realized that it is equally +true that much which would be awkward, or embarrassing, if said to a +person, face to face, might be got to them in writing with impunity. +This I found to be especially true of my women patients, some of whom +might become suspicious of a wrong intent from the things said in a +private conversation, when they would have no such fears or doubts +if they read the same words from a printed page. It was these +considerations which first suggested to me the writing of the +following pages. + +Still other reasons why I did as I did were as follows: You see, +at once, if you stop to think about it, that the writing out of the +knowledge I proposed to impart was really a matter of necessity for +me, because of the _saving of time_ which would thereby be secured. To +get any results that would be worth while in these matters, I would be +required to tell about ever so many things concerning which they were +totally ignorant; and to tell about ever so many things, by word of +mouth, to each individual patient, _takes time_--ever so much time, if +the work is well done, and it had better not be done at all if it is +not well done. So I really was forced to write out what I wanted to +teach these patients of mine. + +And let me say further that I was compelled to write these things out +for my people as I have written them, because, in all the range of +literature on this vital subject, I knew of nothing which would tell +them just what it seemed to me they ought to be told, and what they +ought to know. + +And so it was that I wrote the manuscript which is now printed in the +following pages. I did not write it at first just as it now stands, +because experience showed me, from time to time, where my first +efforts could be modified and improved. So what is here presented is +the result of many practical demonstrations of the real working value +of what the manuscript contains. + +My method of using the copy has been something as follows: As I have +already suggested, what I have written has been prepared for the sole +and express purpose of helping husbands and wives to live sane and +wholesome sex-lives--to give them the requisite knowledge for so +doing; knowledge of themselves and of each other as sexual beings; the +correct ideas regarding such right manner of living; to disabuse their +minds of wrong sex-teaching, or no teaching at all, of ignorance, +or prudery, or carelessness, or lust--in a word, to get to them the +things that all sane married people ought to know, and to help them to +practice these things, to the best of their several abilities. + +(Perhaps I ought to say that there is not a line of what I have +written that deals with the subject of venereal diseases, any of +them. This field is already so well covered by a literature especially +devoted to this subject that it needs no word of mine to make it as +satisfactory as possible, as far as discoveries regarding the same +have progressed. My attempt is toward making marriage more of a +success than it now is, under existing conditions; and we all know +that there is a limitless field for exploration and exploitation right +there.) + +Speaking somewhat generally, I have found what I have written to be +of special value to two classes of my patrons: First, to the +"newly-weds"; and, second, to those who have been married for a longer +or shorter period, and who "have not got on well together." A word or +two regarding each of these: + +It is a wise old saying that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound +of cure," and in no other experience of life is this so true as in +the ills to which married people are peculiarly subject. Many a newly +wedded couple have wrecked the possibilities of happiness of a life +time on their "honeymoon trip"; and it is a matter of common knowledge +to the members of our profession that the great majority of brides are +practically raped on their entrance into the married relation. Further +than this, we all know that these things are as they are chiefly +because of the ignorance of the parties concerned, rather than because +they deliberately meant to do wrong. They were left to travel, alone +and unguided, over what was to them an unknown way, one that was +beset with pitfalls and precipices, and where dangers lurked in every +forward step they took. It is to these that I have found what I have +written to be a great help at the time of their utmost need; and the +thanks I have received from such parties have been beyond the power of +words to express. + +As to just when it is best to put this information into the hands of +young married people, my experience has varied with the personality +of the parties concerned. In some cases I have put the copy into their +hands some time before their marriage; in others, not till some time +thereafter; but, as a rule, I have got the best results by putting the +manuscript into their hands just at the time of their marriage, and in +most of these cases the greatest success has come from their reading +it together during their honeymoon. However, this is a matter on which +I do not care to advise, and regarding which each practitioner must +act to the best of his own judgment. + +Once more: Because it is not safe to assume that young married people +are already possessed of the _details_ of the essential knowledge +which they ought to possess, and because such _details_ are the _very +heart_ of the whole matter, I have made these details as simple +and explicit as possible, more so than might seem necessary to the +professional reader. But my experience has proven that I was wise in +this regard, as these very details have saved the day in more than one +case, as the parties who have reported to me, after having read what +I have written, have frequently testified. Sometimes a bride and +groom would keep the copy for a few days only, giving it but a single +reading; but, as a rule, they have been anxious to retain it for some +time, and to read it again and again, especially some parts of it, +till they were well posted on all that it contains. I found, too, that +those who had received help from the reading of the manuscript +were glad to tell others of their friends of the benefits they had +received, and that thus there was a constantly widening circle. + +Of course, not all young married people are capable of reading this +book with profit to themselves or anyone else; but many of them are, +and these ought to have the privilege of doing so. Your own good sense +and experience will determine who these latter are, and these you can +favor as they deserve. It is because of this situation that this book +can only be used professionally that it needs the guiding hand of +an expert physician to insure its reaching only those who can be +benefited by its reading. + +As to the other class of readers, those who have not got on well +in the marriage relation (and we all know that the name of these is +legion) my experience in getting to them what I have written has been +quite varied; but, on the whole, the results have been good--many +times they have been most excellent. Of course, it is harder to +correct errors than to prevent them; but as most of the errors I have +had to deal with among this class of patients have been made through +ignorance rather than otherwise, I have found that the establishment +of knowledge in the premises has generally brought relief where before +was only suffering and woe. + +Another way in which I have found the copy to be of the greatest value +with these cases of unsatisfactory marital relations is the fact that, +often, by the parties _reading the copy together_ they have come to +a mutual understanding by so doing, and have established a _modus +vivendi_ which could not have been attained in any other way. When +such parties see their doctor singly, either of them, a prejudiced +view is very apt to result, and they would seldom, if ever, come +together to consult a physician regarding their troubles. But the +_reading of the book together_ makes a condition of affairs which is +very apt to work out for the best interests of all parties concerned. +Certainly, this is true, that in no case has the reading of the book +made bad matters worse, and in many cases, (indeed in nearly all of +them) it has been of untold value and benefit to the readers. + +And because these things are so, because what I have written has +proved its worth in so many cases, I have finally concluded to give +the copy a larger field in which it may be used by other members of +the profession besides myself. I confide it to my fellow-members in +the profession feeling sure that they will use it among their patients +with wisdom and discretion; and my hope is that their so doing may +yield for them and theirs the most excellent results which have come +to me and mine, on these lines, in the years that have gone by. + +Perhaps I ought to say that the somewhat unique typography of the +book, the large percentage of italics, and not a few capitalized words +that appear in the pages, comes from a duplication of the copy I have +used with my patients. I wrote the original copy in this way for the +sake of giving special emphasis to special points for my readers, +and the results attained I believe were very largely due to the +typographically emphatic form of the book. Appearing in type in this +way, it gives a sort of personal touch to what is thus presented to +the eye of the reader, and the tendency of this is to establish a +heart-to-heart relation between the author and the reader which could +not be attained in any other way. + +All through the copy I have avoided the use of technical words, never +using such a term without explaining its meaning in plain English +in the words that immediately follow it. I found this an absolute +necessity in writing so that the lay reader could understand, in +saying things that would produce results. + +I might say, also, that the "Introduction" to the real subject matter +of the book, I found necessary to write as it is largely to get my +readers into a proper _mental attitude_ for a reasonable recognition +and understanding of what follows it. There are so many wrong +teachings and biased ideas in the premises that these had to be +counteracted or removed, to a degree, at least, before the rest of the +copy could be rightly read. My experience is, that the preface, as it +stands, has been the means of putting the readers of the book into a +right mental attitude for its successful study and consideration. For +the good of the cause it is written to serve, and for help to those +who need help in the most sacred and significant affairs of their +lives, may the book go on its way, if not rejoicing in itself, yet +causing rejoicing in the lives and hearts of all who read what its +pages contain. + +H.W.L. + + + + +SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING + + + + +I + +AN EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION + + +A pious Christian once said to me: "I find it hard to reconcile sex +with the purity of Providence." He never could understand why God +arranged for sex anyway. Why something else might not have been done. +Why children might not have come in some other fashion. + +Look at the harm sex has involved. Most all the deviltry of history +that was not done for money was done for sex. And even the deviltry +that was done and is done for money had, and has sex back of it. Take +sex out of man and you have something worth while. God must have been +short of expedients when God, in sex, conceived sex. It certainly +looks as if the Divine fell down this time. As if infinity was at +the end of its tether. As if the adept creator for once was caught +napping, or for once botched a job. + +So we had my pious friend. And we had medievalism. And we had the +ascetics. And heaven knows what else. Too much sex some places. Too +little sex other places. Some people swearing on and some swearing +off. The prostitute giving away that which was meant to be kept. +The virgin keeping that which was meant to be given away. A force +contending with a force. Drawing in opposite directions when they +should be pulling together. Through it all, motherhood misunderstood. +And fatherhood misunderstood. The body cheapened to the soul. And the +soul cheapened to the body. Every child being a slap in the face of +virtue. + +Have you ever tried to see what this came from and goes to? This +philosophy of vulgar denial? This philosophy of wallowing surrender? + +The Christian stream has been polluted. It has gone dirty in the age +of hush. We are supposed to keep our mouths shut. We are not to give +sex away. We breed youngsters in fatal ignorance. They are always +asking questions. But we don't answer their questions. The church +don't answer them. Nor the state. Nor the schools. Not even mothers +and fathers. Nobody who could answer answers them. But they don't go +unanswered. They get answered. And they get answered wrong instead +of right. They get answered, smutched instead of washed. They get +answered blasphemously instead of reverently. They get answered so +that the body is suspected instead of being trusted. + +A boy who knows nothing asks a boy who knows nothing. A girl who knows +nothing asks a girl who knows nothing. From nothing nothing comes. Men +who have been such boys know nothing. Women who have been such girls +know nothing. From nothing nothing comes. They have become familiar +with sex circumstances. They are parents. They have done the best +they knew how. But they never learned sex. They never realized its +fundamentals. They never went back to, or forward to it. They were +lost in a wilderness. They existed without living. They took sex as +they took whiskey. They breathed an atmosphere of hush. They had got +past the ascetics. But they had not got to be men and women. They +didn't refuse sex. But though embracing its privileges, they still +seemed to regard it as something not to be gloried in. The least +said about it the soonest mended. Mothers and fathers would say to +children: "You'll know about it soon enough." Teachers would say: +"Ask your questions at home." Home would say: "What ever started you +thinking about such things?" + +The child goes about wondering. What's the matter with sex that +everybody's afraid to talk about it? What's the matter with my body +that I dare not mention it? My body seems very beautiful to me. I like +to look at it. I like to feel it. I like to smell it. But I'm always +hurried into my clothes. My body is so mysteriously precious I must +take care of it. But how am I to take care of it if I don't get +acquainted with it? + +I find that having a body has something to do with being a father and +a mother. I want to be a father. I want to be a mother. But how can +I be a father or mother if some one who knows doesn't tell me what +precedes fatherhood and motherhood? I should prepare for it. How can +I if all the books are closed? How can I if I am blanked every time I +express my curiosity? Is there no one anywhere who'll be honest with +me? + +If I look at sex right out of my own soul, it seems like something +which God didn't fail with, but succeeded with. Like something not +polluted, but purified. Like something having everything, instead of +only an occasional thing, to do with life. But the world shakes its +head. The world is nasty. But it puts on airs. The world has eaten. +But the world says it's best to starve. Folks will say they've got to +be parents. But they say they will regret it. They say sex is here. +They say we're up against its mandates or its passions. But let's +be as decent as we can with the indecent. Let's not linger on its +margins. Let's not overstay our dissipation. Sex is like eating. Who +would eat if he didn't have to? To say you enjoy a meal is carnal. To +say that you derive some sense of ecstasy from paternal and maternal +desires is a confession of depravity. Sex at the best is a sin. + +Sex at the best is like stepping down. That sex might be an ascent. +That sex might be the only means of growth and expansion. You never +suppose that! You only assume perdition. You are afraid to assume +heaven. I may take pride in that which I may abstract from my anatomy. +I must not allude to my body as frankly as to my soul. I must withdraw +my body from the public eye. From discussion. From its instinctive +avowals. Our bodies must be coffined. Treated as dead before they are +born. Regarded as conveniences. Not as essential entities. The body is +only for a little while. The soul is forever. But why is that little +while not as holy as forever? They don't say. They cavalierly settle +the case of the body against itself. + +So it goes. Endless vivid portrayals could be made of the anomalous +situation. The more you look at the mess we've got sex into the worse +it seems. _Someone's got to peach._ Someone's got to tell the truth. +In a world of liars who are hushers? In a world of hushers who are +liars? _Someone's got to tell the truth._ Someone's got to give sex +its due. _You can't give spirit its due until you give sex its due._ +You can't accept one and cast aside one. They go together. They are +inseparable. + +You refer to body and soul as if you knew just where one stops and the +other commences. Maybe neither stops and neither commences. Maybe they +are not two things but two names. Maybe when you put a body into a +grave you put a soul there too. And maybe you put neither there. It's +not so easy to say. + +I can't see anything in the things you call spiritual more marvelous +than what you call the physical birth of a baby from a mother. Maybe +you know all about it. I don't. I know nothing about it. To me it's +mysterious. To me it's the supreme demonstration of the spiritual. + +How that a baby comes from a man and a woman. I want that kept clean. +It starts clean. Why do we corrupt it? You who disparage it corrupt +it. You ascetics anywhere. You libidinous roues anywhere. You corrupt +it. By your excesses. You who never say yes. You who never say no. You +corrupt it. + +You parents. You professors. You prudes. This is addressed to you. +What have you got to say about it? You have tremblingly closed the +question. I would coolly open it. You have rebuked God by silence. I +would praise God by speech. + + + + +II + +THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION + + +No apology is offered for what is said in the following pages, but +a brief explanation is virtually necessary to make clear, from the +outset, the reasons why it has been written. + +It is one of the chief characteristics of the human race that +the knowledge acquired by one generation can be passed on to the +generations that follow; and that, in this way, progress in the +betterment of life's results and the adaptation of means to ends can +make a steady and reliable advance. + +Such a method of evolution and growth is not possible in the vegetable +or animal kingdom, where _instinct_ is the only means for the +transmission of acquired knowledge. It is this feature that +differentiates man from all other created beings. + +But here is a curious fact: In one realm of human experiences, in all +Christian civilized countries, it has been considered wrong, even in +some cases being counted a criminal offense, punishable by fine and +imprisonment, for anyone to make any record of, or transmit to +anyone else, any knowledge that may have been acquired regarding sex +relations in the human family. + +To be sure, there has been preserved, from time to time, a body +of _professional_ knowledge of this sort, made and prepared by +physicians, but _confined strictly to that class of people_. No +attempt has been made to disseminate such knowledge among those who +most need it--the common people. On the contrary, every possible +effort is put forth to keep such knowledge from them. This is wholly +at variance with the practice regarding all other forms of human +knowledge, which is to spread, as widely as possible, all known data +that have so far been obtained. + +There is not space, in this small volume, for pointing out the reasons +for this anomalous condition of affairs, but the chief cause of its +status, past and present, is grounded on two sources: The first of +these is a brutal selfishness which has come over to modern times from +a savage past; the second is a sort of pious prudery. + +The result of these causes has been to make the whole subject of sex +in the human family, with its functions and mission in human affairs, +together with its proper training, discipline and exercise--to make +all these things _tabu_, something to be ashamed of and ignored +as much as possible, and all the knowledge regarding them that one +generation has been permitted to transmit to those who come after, may +be summed up in these words, namely "_Thou shalt not_." + +Now it goes without saying that, in the very nature of things, _all_ +this is just as bad as it can possibly be. For, of all phenomena with +which the human race has to do, that of the highest importance, so far +as the well-being of the race is concerned, is that which has to do +with sex in men and women. A large percentage of all the physical +ailments in mankind and womenkind arise from errors in sexual life, +and these are but trifles compared with the mental and spiritual +disasters which come upon humanity from the same source. It is +probably true that more than one-half of all the crimes that are +committed in the civilized world are more or less directly connected +with sex affairs, and there is no so common a cause for insanity as +sex aberrations. + +And nearly all these ills, crimes and misfortunes arise because of +_ignorance_ in the matter of sex in which the rank and file of the +race are forced to live. Few of these ever acquire any positive and +definite knowledge in the premises, and if they do learn anything +for sure, _they keep it to themselves_, inspired to do so by a false +belief regarding the rightful transmission of such knowledge; or, by +a false modesty, or prudery, they are kept from telling to anyone else +what they have discovered or found to be the truth in these matters. +And so the people stumble along in ignorance of these vital affairs +in life, generation after generation, repeating the errors of their +predecessors, and no positive progress being made as the years go by. +Because of this state of affairs millions of human beings die every +generation, and other millions suffer the tortures of the damned while +they live, when they should enjoy the delights of the elect, and would +do so if they only knew the actual facts in the case, and would act in +accordance with the knowledge that ought to be made theirs. + +But there are not wanting signs of the times that there will slowly +come a change in these conditions. The fact is that the intelligent +world is beginning to emerge from a condition of conformity to the +say-so of some one supposed to speak with authority, and to come into +a realm of obedience only to a law that has a scientific basis of +actual knowledge for its foundation. + +For untold ages the sex relations of the human family have been +directed and determined by the clergy and by _their_ teachings and +pronunciamentos regarding what was fit and right. There is no need of +saying hard things about such a fact; nevertheless, it is true that, +for the most part, all the dicta of these men have originated amongst +those who knew nothing of the _scientific_ conditions regarding the +subject on which they issue their mandates. So did the blind lead the +blind, and the ditches of the past years are filled to overflowing +with the dead bodies and souls of men and women, who, for this cause, +have fallen therein. + +This must not always be! It is neither wise nor right that the +essential matters of human life should always remain a stumbling block +and a rock of offense for the children of men. We are coming to see +that sex is no more unclean and to be denied a scientific knowledge +of, than any other part of the human body--the eye, the ear or +whatsoever. Furthermore, the rank and file are beginning to clamor +for a knowledge of these matters for themselves. This is shown by +the frequency of articles that deal with sex in many of the best +newspapers and magazines in the civilized world, and by similar +discussions in the literature, the works and scientific books that now +go into the hands of the common people. It also shows in the attempts +that are occasionally being made to introduce the subject of sexual +hygiene into our public schools and other educational institutions. +"The world do move!" + +It is for these reasons--because it is right to transfer to you and to +those who come after, the sex knowledge that has been acquired by the +author, by reading scientific and professional literature upon the +subject, by conference with men and women who know, and by personal +and professional experience, that what follows is written. + + + + +III + +THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE + + +So much by way of general remarks regarding the subject in hand. It +is more the especial purpose of what follows, however, to treat of the +matter of marriage in particular, _to say something definite to young +husbands and wives that shall be of real benefit to them_, not only by +way of starting them out right in the new and untried way upon which +they have entered, but to help them to make that way a realm +of perpetual and ever increasing joy to both parties concerned, +throughout its entire course, their whole lives long. + +Be it said, then, first, that it is the duty of every bride and groom, +before they engage in sexual commerce with each other, to acquaint +themselves thoroughly with the anatomy and physiology of the sex +organs of human beings, both male and female, and to make the +acquirement of such knowledge as dispassionate and matter-of-fact +an affair as though they were studying the nature, construction and +functions of the stomach, or the digestive processes entire, or the +nature and use of any of the other bodily organs. "Clear and clean am +I within and without; clear and clean is every scrap and part of me, +and no part shall be held more sacred or preferred above another. For +divine am I, and all I am, or contain." + +Now the normal young man or woman would do just this, would pursue a +study of sex in this way, were it not for the fact that they have +been taught, time out of mind, that to do this is immodest, not to +say indecent or positively wicked. They have longed to be possessed +of such knowledge, all their lives; in most cases more than any other +form of wisdom that it was possible for them to make their own. But +its acquirement has been placed beyond their possible reach, and it +is only by the most clandestine and often nasty means that they have +attained what little they know. But the quotation made in the last +paragraph, sounds the key note of what is _right_ in this matter, +and the first effort made by the reader of these pages should be to +establish in himself or herself the _condition of mind which these +lines embody._ + +And it had better be said, right here, that for most young people this +will be found to be no _easy_ thing to do. Nor should the reader feel +ashamed or chagrined, or at odds with himself or herself if he or she +finds such condition of affairs existing in his or her case. For it +is nothing for which they are to blame. It is a misfortune and not +a fault. It is only the result of inherited and inculcated (the word +inculcated means _kicked in_) ideas to which all "well bred" youths +have been subjected for centuries; the idea being that the closer they +were kept in the realm of innocence, which is only another name for +ignorance, the better "bred" they are. And to pry one's self loose, to +break or tear one's self away from such a mental view and condition +as heredity and such years of rigorous restraint have developed, is no +small task. Indeed, it often takes months, and sometimes years, wholly +to rid one's self of these deep seated and powerful, wrong views and +prejudices. + +Remember this: that _to the pure all things are pure._ But do not +make the mistake of thinking that this much abused sentence means that +purity means _emptiness_! It does no such thing. On the contrary, +it means _fullness_, to _perfection_. It means that one should be +possessed of the right kind of stuff, and that the stuff should be of +supreme quality. So, in studying to obtain a knowledge of sex organs +and sex functions, in the human family, the reader should not try to +divest himself or herself of all sex-passion and desire; but, on the +contrary, to make these of a sort of which he or she can be _proud_, +rather than _ashamed_ of, rejoice in, rather than suffer from. + +So, then, let the reader of these lines, first, get a correct _mental +attitude_ toward what is about to be said. Banish all prurient +curiosity, put aside all thought of shame or shock, (these two will +be hardest for young women to overcome, because of their training in +false modesty and prudishness) and endeavor to approach the subject in +a reverent, open-eyed, conscientious spirit, as one who wishes, above +everything else, to know the honest truth in these most essential +matters that pertain to human life. Get into this frame of mind, and +_keep in it_, and what is here written will be read with both pleasure +and profit. + +Once more, for we must make haste slowly in these delicate affairs, if +the reader should find himself or herself unduly excited, or perhaps +shocked, while reading some parts of what is here written, so that the +heart beats too fast, or the hand trembles, it may be well to suspend +the reading for a time, divert the mind into other channels for a +while, and resume the reading after one has regained poise and mastery +of one's self. That is, "_keep your head_" while you read these +lessons, and you will be all right. + + + + +IV + +THE SEX ORGANS + + +And now, having given these cautionary directions, the way is clear +for the making of definite statements and the giving of positive +instruction. + +Here, then, is a brief description of the sex organs in man and woman. +At first, only the names of the parts will be given, with such slight +comments and explanations as are necessary for making this part of the +subject clear. A detailed setting forth of the functions and proper +exercise of these organs will be given later. + +The sex organs in a male human being consists, broadly speaking, of +the penis and the testicles. All these are located at the base of the +abdomen, between the thighs and on the forward part of the body. The +penis is a fleshy, muscular organ, filled with most sensitive nerves, +and blood vessels that are capable of extension to a much greater +degree than any of their similars in other parts of the body. In a +quiescent, or unexcited condition, in the average man, this organ is +from three to four inches long and about an inch or more in diameter. +It hangs limp and pendent in this state, retired and in evidence not +at all. In its excited, or tumescent condition (the word tumescent +means swelled, and is the technical word for describing the erect +condition of the penis) it becomes enlarged and rigid, its size in +this state being, on an average, six or seven inches long, and from +an inch-and-a-half to two inches in diameter. It is almost perfectly +cylindrical, slightly thicker at the base than at its forward part. + +The testicles are two kidney shaped glands, not far from the size of +a large hickory nut, and are contained in a sort of sack, or pocket, +called the scrotum, which is made for their comfortable and safe +carrying. The scrotum hangs directly between the thighs, at the base +of the penis, and in it are the testicles, suspended by vital cords +that are suspended from the body above. The left testicle hangs a +little higher in the sack than the right, so that, in case the thighs +are crowded together, one testicle will slip over the other, and so +the danger of crushing them will be avoided. This is one of the many +ways which the Maker of the human body has devised to insure the +proper preservation of the vital organs from harm, a fact which +should inspire all human beings with profound reverence for this most +wonderful of all life forms, the beautiful human body, the "temple of +the Holy Spirit." + +The part of the body upon which the sex organs, male and female, are +located is known as the pubic region. It is covered with hair, which, +in both sexes, extends well up the lower belly. This is known as pubic +hair, and in general corresponds in quality and quantity to the hair +upon the individual head, being coarse or fine, soft or bristly, to +match, the head covering, in each case. This hair is usually more or +less curly, and forms a covering an inch or more in depth over the +whole pubic region, extending back between the thighs slightly beyond +the rectum. In occasional cases this hair is straight and silky, and +sometimes grows to great length, instances being known, in some women, +where it has extended to the knees. A well-grown and abundant supply +of fine pubic hair is a possession highly prized by women, of which +they are justly proud, though few of them would acknowledge the fact, +even to themselves. None the less it is a fact. + +The female sex organs, speaking generally also, are as follows: The +vulva, or outward portion of the parts; the vaginal passage; the +uterus, or womb, and the ovaries. All but the first named lie within +the body of the woman. The vulva is made up of several parts which +will be named and described later. The vaginal passage is a tube, or +canal leading from the vulva to the womb. In length and diameter it +corresponds almost exactly with that of the penis, being six or seven +inches in depth, and capable of a lateral extension which will +readily admit the entrance of the male organ when the two are brought +together. The vaginal passage opens into, and terminates in the +uterine, or womb cavity. + +The womb is a pear shaped sack which is suspended in the womb cavity +by cords and muscles from above. It hangs, neck downwards, and is, in +its unimpregnated condition, about two and a half inches in diameter +at its upper, or widest part, tapering to a thin neck at its lower +end. It is hard and muscular in its quiescent state, filled with +delicate and most sensitive nerves and capacious blood vessels. At its +lower, or neck end, it opens directly into the vaginal passage. + +The ovaries are two in number, and are situated on each side of, and +above the womb, in the region of the upper groins. They are small, fan +shaped glands, and are connected with the uterus by small ducts which +are known as the fallopian tubes. + +As already stated, the exterior parts of the body, in which the female +sex organs are located, are covered with hair for their adornment and +protection. + +Such in brief, are the male and female sex organs in human beings. A +further description of them and their functions and proper use we are +now ready to consider. + + + + +V + +THE FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS + + +It hardly need be stated here, for it is a matter of common knowledge, +that the _primary_ purpose of sex in the human family is the +reproduction of the race. In this respect, considered merely on its +material, or animal side, mankind differs little from all other forms +of animate life. As Whitman says, we see "everywhere sex, everywhere +the urge of procreation." The flowers are possessed of this quality, +and with them all vegetable forms. In the animal kingdom the same is +true. Always "male and female" is everything created. + +And the chief facts in reproduction are practically the same wherever +the phenomena occur. Here, as everywhere else in the world, when a +new life-form appears, it is always the result of the union of _two_ +forces, elements, germs or whatsoever. These two elements differ +in nature and in function, and each is incomplete and worthless by +itself. It is only by the combining of the two that any new result +is obtained. It is this fact that has led to the most suggestive and +beautiful phrase "The duality of all unity in nature." + +Many centuries ago an old Latin philosopher wrote the now celebrated +phrase, _Omne ex ovo_, which, translated, means _everything is from an +egg_. This is practically true of all life-forms. Their beginning +is always from an ovum, or egg. In this respect, the reproduction of +human beings is the same as that of any other life-form. + +Now in this process of producing a new life-form, the female is always +the source of the egg, out of which the new creation is to come. This +egg, however, is infertile of itself, and must be given life to, by +mingling with its germ, an element which only the male can produce +and supply. This element is technically known as a sperm, or a +spermatozoa. Its function is to fertilize the dormant germ in the +egg produced by the female, and thus to start a new and independent +life-form. This life-form, thus started, grows according to the laws +of its becoming more and more, until, at the expiration of a fixed +period, which varies greatly in different animals, it becomes a +complete young individual, of the nature and kind of its parents. +The fertilization of the ovum in the female is called conception; +its growing state is called gestation, and its birth, on becoming a +separate being, is called parturition. In its growing condition, and +before its birth, the new young life form is known as the foetus. + +Now it is the fertilization of the ovum in the female (and from now +on, it is only of the male and female in the human family that mention +will be made) by the male, in the woman, by the man, that is of +supreme interest and importance to both the parties concerned in +producing this result. How this is brought about is substantially as +follows: + +As already stated, the infertile ovum, or egg, is produced by the +woman. Such production begins at what is known as the age of puberty, +or when the hair begins to grow upon the pubic parts of the female +body. The time of the appearance of this phenomenon in feminine life +varies from the age of nine or ten years to fifteen or sixteen. The +average, for most girls, is fourteen years of age. At this time +the formation of ova, or eggs, in the female body begins, and it +continues, in most women, at regular intervals of once in twenty-eight +days, except during pregnancy and lactation, for a period of about +thirty years. During all this time, under favorable conditions, it is +possible for the ovum produced by the woman to become fertilized, if +it can meet the sperm of the male. + +In a general way, this meeting of the infertile ovum of the woman with +the sperm of the man can be brought about, as follows: + +The ova are produced by the ovaries (the word ovaries means egg +producers) where they slowly develop from cells which originate +in these glands. When they have reached maturity, or are ready for +fertilization, they pass out of the ovaries and down into the womb, by +way of the fallopian tubes. As already stated, such passage of the ova +from the ovaries into the womb occurs every twenty-eight days, and +it is accomplished by a more or less copious flow of blood, a sort of +hemorrhage, which carries the ova down through the fallopian tubes, +and deposits them in the womb. This blood, after performing its +mission of carrying the ova down into the womb, escapes from the +body through the vaginal passage and is cared for by the wearing of +a bandage between the thighs. This flow of blood continues for about +five days, and is known as a menstrual flow; and this time in a +woman's life is known as the menstrual period. It is so named because +of the regularity of its recurrence, the word _mensa_ meaning a +_month_. In common parlance, these periods are often spoke of as the +"monthlies." + +After the ovum has reached the womb it remains there for a period of +about ten days, after which, if it is not fertilized during that time, +it passes out of the womb into the vaginal passage, and so out of the +body. But if, at any time after it is ripe for fertilization, that is, +from the time it begins its journey from the ovaries to the womb, +and while it is in the womb, the ovum is met by the male sperm, it is +_liable_ to become fertilized--conception is possible. These are facts +of the _utmost importance_, to be thoroughly understood and kept well +in mind by all married people who would live happily together, as will +be hereafter shown. + +So much regarding the female part of the meeting of the ovum and the +sperm. The male part of this mutual act is as follows: + +The sperm, or spermatozoa, originate in the testicles. Each sperm is +an individual entity and _several thousands_ of them are produced +and in readiness for use, _at each meeting_ of the male and female +generative organs; and if _any one_ of the countless number comes in +contact with the unfertilized ovum in the womb, conception is _liable_ +to result. + +These sperms are so small that they are not visible to the naked eye, +but they are readily seen by the use of a microscope. In shape they +much resemble tad-poles in their earliest stages. + +At the base of the penis, well up in the man's body, there is a large +gland which surrounds the penis like a thick ring, and which is called +the prostate gland. It secretes a mucous fluid which looks much like, +and is about the consistency of the white of an egg. Close to this +gland, and almost a part of it, is a sack, or pocket, into which the +mucous secretion from the prostate gland is poured, and where it is +kept, ready for use, in performing its part of the germinal act. + +Now it is the business of this mucous fluid, which comes from the +prostate gland, to form a "carrying medium" for the spermatozoa which +originate in the testicles. There are small ducts leading from the +testicles into the pocket which contains the prostate fluid. These are +known as the seminal ducts, and through them the spermatozoa pass +from the testicles into the prostate pocket. Here they mingle with the +prostate fluid, in which they can move about freely, and by means of +which they can be carried wherever this fluid goes. The combination of +prostate fluid and spermatozoa is called "semen." + +Seen under a microscope, a single drop of semen reveals a multitude of +spermatozoa swimming about in the prostate-carrying medium. It is in +this form that the vitalizing male element meets the female infertile +ovum. This mass of live and moving germs is poured all around and +about the region in which the ovum lies waiting to be fertilized, and +every one of them seems to be "rushing about like mad" to find what it +is sent to do, namely, to meet and fertilize the ovum. The manner of +depositing the semen where it can come in contact with the ovum is as +follows: + +In order that this mingling of the male and female sources of life may +be possible, it is necessary that there be a union of the male and the +female generative organs. For such meeting, the penis is filled with +blood, all its blood vessels being distended to their utmost capacity, +till the organ becomes stout and hard, and several times its dormant +size, as has been already told. In this condition it is able to +penetrate, to its utmost depths, the vaginal passage of the female, +which is of a nature to perfectly contain the male organ in this +enlarged and rigid condition. Under such conditions, the penis +is inserted into the widened and distended vaginal passage. Once +together, a mutual back and forth, or partly in and out movement, of +the organs is begun and carried on by the man and woman, which action +further enlarges the parts and raises them to a still higher degree +of tension and excitement. It is supposed by some that this frictional +movement of the parts develops an electrical current, which increases +in tension as the act is continued; and that it is the mission of the +pubic hair, which is a non-conductor, to confine these currents to the +parts in contact. + +Now there are two other glands in these organs; one in the male and +one in the female, which performs a most wonderful function in this +part of the sexual act. These are the "glans penis" in the male and +the "clitoris" in the female. The first is located at the apex of the +male organ, and the other at the upper-middle and exterior part of the +vulva. These glands are covered with a most delicate cuticle, and +are filled with highly sensitive nerves. As the act progresses, these +glands become more and more sensitized, and nervously surcharged, +until, as a climax, they finally cause a sort of nervous explosion of +the organs involved. This climax is called an "orgasm" in scientific +language. Among most men and women it is spoken of as "spending." + +On the part of the man, this orgasm causes the semen, which till this +instant has remained in the prostate pocket, to be suddenly driven +out of this place of deposit, and thrown in jets, and with spasmodic +force, through the entire length of the penis, and, as it were, shot +into the vaginal passage and the uterine cavity, till the whole region +is literally deluged with the life-giving fluid. At the same time, +the mouth of the womb opens wide; and into it pours, or rushes, this +"father stuff," entirely surrounding and flooding the ovum, if it be +in the womb. This is the climax of the sexual act, which is called +"coitus," a word which means, going together. + +With the myriads of spermatozoa swarming about it, if the vital part +of the ovum comes in contact with some one of them, any one of which, +brought into such contact, will fertilize it, conception results. The +woman is then pregnant, and the period of gestation is begun. + +This is a brief description of the act of coitus and of the means by +which pregnancy takes place. It is, however, only a small part of the +story of the sex relations of husbands and wives; and, be it said, a +_very_ small part of that, as will now be shown. + +As has already been said, this use of the sex organs, merely to +produce progeny, and so insure a continuance of the race, is a quality +that mankind shares with all the rest of the animal kingdom. In all +essentials, so far as the material parts of the act are concerned, the +beginnings of the new life in the human family differ not a whit from +that of any other mammals. In each case the ovum is produced by the +ovaries of the female, passes into the womb, is there met by the semen +from the male, fertilized by the spermatozoa, and so the foetus gets +its start. This is the universal means by which the beginnings of all +animal reproductive life takes place. + +But there is another phase in the sex life of human beings, which is +_entirely different_ from that of all other animals, and which must +therefore be considered beyond all that needs to be said regarding the +act of coitus for reproductive purposes only. This we are now ready to +consider and study. + +Now in all animals, except human beings, the act of coitus is only +permitted by the female, (it would seem is only _possible_ for her) +when the ovum is present in the womb and ready to be fertilized. _At +all other times, all female animals, except woman, are practically +sexless_. Their sexual organs are dormant, and _nothing can arouse +them_ to activity. Not only do they fail to show any desire for +coitus, but if an attempt should be made to force it upon them, _they +would resist it_ to the utmost of their strength. + +But when the ovum is present in the womb, these same female animals +are beside themselves with desire for coitus. They are then spoken of +as "in heat." And until they are satisfied, by meeting the male and +procuring from him the vitalizing fluid which will fertilize their +infertile ovum; or, failing in this, until the ovum passes away from +them, out of the womb, they know no rest. At such times they will +run all risks, incur all sorts of danger, do every possible thing to +secure pregnancy. The thousand-and-one ways which female animals use +to make known to their male mates their sexual desire and needs, when +in heat, is a most interesting and wonderful story, a record made up +of facts which would be well worth any student's knowing. But as all +such knowledge can readily be procured from books which are within the +reach of all, there is no need of noting the data here. + +But now, _in woman, all these things are different!_ As a matter of +fact, the presence of the ovum in the womb of a normally made woman +_makes little, and, in many cases, no difference whatever_ as regards +her status concerning the act of coitus! That is, women are never +"in heat," in the same sense in which other female animals are. To be +sure, in some cases, though they are rare, some women are conscious +of a greater desire for coitus just after the ceasing of the menstrual +flow; that is, when the ovum is in the womb. But such cases are so +infrequent that they may well be counted atavistic, that is, of the +nature of a tendency to return to a previous merely animal condition. +For the most part, it is true of all normal women that the presence of +the ovum in the womb makes little difference, one way or another, in +regard to their desire for, or aversion to, the act of coitus. + +Now the fact of this remarkable difference in the sex-status of women +and the same quality in all other female animals leads us to a great +number of interesting, not to say startling, conclusions, some of +which are as follows: + +In the first place, the phenomenon clearly establishes the fact that +sex in the female human being _differs, pronouncedly_, from that of +all other female life. For, whereas, among all females except woman, +coitus is _impossible_, except at certain times and seasons, among +women the act can not only be permitted, but is as much possible or +_desired_ at one time as any other, regardless of the presence or +absence of the ovum in the womb. That is (and this point should be +noted well by the reader) there is a _possibility_, on the part of +the female humanity, for coitus, _under conditions that do not at all +obtain in any other female animal life_. + +This is a conclusion which is of such far-reaching importance that its +limits are but dimly recognized, even in the clear thinking of most +married people. The fact of such difference is known to them, and +their practices in living conform to the conditions; but what it all +means, they are entirely ignorant of, _and they never stop to think +about it_. + +And yet, _right here is the very center and core of the real success +or failure of married life_! Around this fact are grouped all the +troubles that come to husbands and wives. About it are gathered all +the joys and unspeakable delights of the happily married--the only +truly married. It is these items which make a knowledge of the real +conditions which exist, regarding this part of married life, of such +supreme importance. If these conditions could be rightly understood, +and the actions of husbands and wives could be brought to conform to +the laws which obtain under them, _the divorce courts would go out of +business_, their occupation, like Othello's, would be "gone indeed." + +The first conclusion, then, one that is forced upon the thoughtful +mind by the fact of this difference in the sex possibilities of women +and other female animals, is, as already stated, but which is here +repeated for emphasis, that coitus _can_ be engaged in _by women_ when +_pregnancy_ is _not_ its purpose, on her part; and that _this never +occurs in any other form of female life!_ + +In view of this fact, is it too much to raise the question whether or +not sex in woman is designed to fulfill any other purpose than that of +the reproduction of the race? True it is, that the _only_ function +of sex in all other females is merely that of producing offspring--of +perpetuating its kind. Under no circumstances does it _ever_ serve +_any_ other end, fulfill any other design. _There is no possibility of +its doing so_! + +But one can help wondering if it is not true that, with the existence +of the _possibility_ of engaging in coitus _at will_, rather than +at the bidding of _instinct_ alone, there has also come a _new_ and +_added_ function for the sex-natures that are capable of engaging +in such before-unknown experiences? To a fair-minded person, such +conclusion seems not only logical, but irresistible! That is in view +of this conclusion, it naturally follows that sex in the human family +is _positively designed to fulfill a function that is entirely unknown +to all other forms of animal life_. And from this, it is but a step to +the establishment of the fact that _sex exercise in the human family +serves a purpose other than that of reproduction_! + +Now, this fact established, a whole world of new issues arises and +demands settlement. Among these, comes the supreme question: _What is +the nature of this new experience that has been conferred upon human +beings, over and above what is vouchsafed to any other form of animal +life? What purpose can it serve? How can it be properly exercised? +What is right and what is wrong under these new possibilities_? These +are some of the issues that _force_ themselves upon all thoughtful +people, _those who wish to do right under any and all circumstances in +which they are placed_. + +Of course, here as elsewhere, the unthinking, the happy-go-lucky and +the "don't-give-a-damn," can blunder along in almost any-old-way. +But they can, and will, reap only the reward which always follows +blundering and ignorance. In these days of scientific clear-thinking, +we have come to understand that _salvation from sin comes by the way +of positive knowledge and not at the hands of either ignorance +or innocence_! If husbands and wives ever attain to the highest +conditions of married life, it can only be after they _know and +practice, what is right in all their sex relations, both for +reproductive purposes and in all other respects! Note that well_! + +As things are now, especially in all civilized countries, and +particularly among Christian people, this _secondary_ function of sex +in the human family, while blindly recognized as a fact, is none the +less abused, to a most shameful degree. For ages, the whole situation +has been left in a condition of most deplorable, not to say damnable, +ignorance; and no honest endeavor has been made to find out and act +up to the truth in the premises. Husbands and wives have engaged in +coitus _ad libitum_, utterly regardless of whether it was right +or wrong for them to do so! They have taken it for granted that +_marriage_ conferred on them the _right_ to have sexual intercourse +whenever they chose, (especially when the man chose,) and they have +acted accordingly. This is especially true of men, and the practice +has been carried to such length that the right of a man to engage in +coitus with his wife _has been established by law_, and the wife who +refuses to yield this "right" to her husband can be divorced by him, +if she persists in such way of living! It is such a fact as this which +caused Mr. Bernard Shaw to write: "Marriage is the most licentious +institution in all the world." And he might rightfully have added "it +is also the most brutal," though it is an insult to the brute to say +it that way, for brutes are never guilty of _coitus under compulsion. +But a husband can force his wife to submit to his sexual embraces, and +she has no legal right to say him nay!_ This doesn't seem quite right, +does it? + +Now there are several different ways of viewing this new and added +sexual possibility in the human family, namely, the act of coitus for +other than reproductive purposes. The Catholic church has _always_ +counted it as a sin. Popes have issued edicts regarding it, and +conclaves of Bishops have discussed it and passed resolutions +regarding it. There has always been a difference of opinion upon the +subject amongst these dignitaries and authorities, but they all +agree in one respect, namely, that it is a _sin_. The only point of +difference has been as to the extent or enormity of the sin! By some +it has been reckoned as a "deadly sin," punishable by eternal hell +fire, if not duly absolved before death; by others it has been held +to be only a "venial sin," one that must always be confessed to the +priest when coitus is engaged in, and which can be pardoned by the +practice of due penance. _But, always, it was a sin_! + +The Protestant church has never issued edicts regarding this matter, +but, for the most part, it has tacitly held to the Catholic teaching +in _theory_, while universally _practicing_ the reverse, in actual +married life. Protestants have looked upon it as a necessity, but have +taught that it was _regrettable_ that such was the case. They have +held, with Paul, that, "it is better to marry than to burn." And most +of them have chosen the marriage horn of the dilemma. + +Among some European nations, attempts have been made to make it +impossible for husbands and wives to cohabit except for reproductive +purposes. In one of these nations, padlocks were used for preventing +the act. A slit was made through the foreskin of the penis, and +through this slit the ring of a padlock was passed, much as an +ear-ring is passed through the lobe of a lady's ear. The padlock +was made so large that it could not be introduced into the vaginal +passage, and so coitus was impossible when it was worn. It could only +be removed by the magistrate into whose hands the regulation of this +part of the citizens' life was given. Specimens of these padlocks are +still to be seen in European museums. + +Now the terribly immoral thing in all this way of living has always +been the fact that it _compelled_ people to continually _violate their +consciences_, by _pretending_ to _believe_ one thing and constantly +_practicing_ the reverse of their proclaimed belief. That is, it lured +them into _living a continual lie, and such can never be for the good +of the soul_! It goes without saying that the sooner this abominable +way of living can be ended, the better it will be for all parties +concerned--the individuals who are the victims of such falsehood, and +the communities of which they form a part. + +From all this it follows that the first thing every new husband and +wife _ought_ to do is to _settle clearly in their own minds the issue +as to whether it is right or wrong for them to engage in coitus for +any other than procreative purposes_. Having settled this point, one +way or the other, then _let them conscientiously act accordingly. For +only so can they live righteous lives_! + +In settling this point, so far as available authorities for the young +people to study and consider are concerned, these are all _against_ +coitus except for begetting of off-spring. All the "purity" writers +and Purity Societies are ranged together on the negative side. +Likewise are all the books of "advice to young wives and husbands," +especially those addressed to young _wives_. + +Now all these "authorities" base their whole argument upon the purely +_animal_ facts in the premises. Probably a certain Dr. C. is more +largely read for information on these matters than any other author, +especially among young women. He has written a large, and from +the view-point he takes, a very plausible volume; and it is very +extensively advertised, especially in papers which young women read. +The result is that it has come to be almost a standard authority in +these affairs. + +Dr. C.'s argument is, baldly, as follows:--(a) Among animals, the +universal practice is a single act of coitus for each begetting of +off-spring, (b) Human beings are animals, (c) Therefore, human beings +should only engage in coitus for reproductive purposes. + +To this syllogism he adds a corollary, which is, that, therefore, all +sexual commerce in the human family, for any other than reproductive +purposes, is _wrong._ These are his texts, so to speak, and through +several hundred pages he preaches, _don't, don't, don't,_ sermons. The +entire volume is one of denial and prohibition. He proclaims the act, +even for the one purpose he allows to be right, as low, and in itself +degrading, to be engaged in only after "prayer and fasting" and +"mortifying the flesh," and even then, in the most passionless, and +only done-because-it-has-to-be manner; as a mere matter of duty; to be +permitted by sufferance; joyless, disgusting in itself; a something +to be avoided, even in thought, other than it is a necessity for the +continuance of the race. + +_It is from such data as this that thousands of "innocent" brides +annually make up their minds as to what is right or wrong in the +matter of sexual intercourse._ + +In doing this, most of these young women are perfectly conscientious, +and want to do the right thing, and there are two items in the count +that naturally lead them to accept Dr. C.'s teachings as correct. The +first is, that it coincides with all they have ever heard about such +matters; the second, that the Doctor flavors all his text with a +religious quality, of the alleged most sacred sort. He instances +saintly women who have lived the most ascetic lives, and whose +religious status was achieved because, and by means of, their perfect +chastity. In fact, this word "chastity" (which he translates as entire +renunciation of the whole sex nature) becomes the test word of his +whole treatise, and its practice is upheld as the true road to all +goodness and virtue. + +Now, nearly all well-bred and cultivated young women are naturally +religious (and not a word should be said against their being so) and +they are anxious to time their lives to everything that the highest +religious demands prescribe. It is, therefore, most natural that, +being thus taught by an authority for which they have the highest +regard, they enter marriage with the _fixed opinion_ in accordance +with their teaching. How could it be otherwise? + +On the other hand, a few young husbands, indeed none but now and then +a "goody-good" (who usually turns out to be the worst of the whole +lot, in course of time), are willing to "stand for" any such theory, +much less to live any such life as this theory would impose. These +"don't care what the book says," and, from the manner of their +bringing up, from all they have learned or heard by hearing _men_ talk +about married life, (which is usually of the most vulgar sort) they +have come to the conclusion that marriage confers upon the parties the +_right_ to engage in sexual commerce at will; and, especially, that +the husband has the _right_ to the body of his wife _whenever he +chooses_. For, indeed, does not the law give him that right! And so +long as one "keeps inside the law" what more could be asked! Yea, +verily! What more could be asked? + +So it is that _most brides and bridegrooms go to their marriage bed +with the most widely diverse views as to what is right and wrong in +the premises_--as to the life they will lead in their new estate. The +young wife is for "purity" and "chastity." The young husband, driven +by a passion which he has long held in thrall, in the belief that he +can now give the fullest vent to it, when he has got where such relief +is possible, is like an excited hound when it seizes its prey, which +he fully believes he has the right to deal with as he pleases! What +wonder that, in view of all these circumstances, the most extensive +observer of marriage-bed phenomena should write: "_As a matter of +fact, nine young husbands in ten practically rape their brides at +their first sexual meeting." Could anything be more horrible, or +criminally wicked_? And it is all so needless! It is all the result of +ignorance, of "innocence," and the worst of false teaching. The pity +of it! + +True, these unfortunate conditions are often modified by "mother +nature," who inspires the bride with curiosity, which, in a measure, +controls her in spite of her false teachings, and with passion, which, +to a degree, will assert itself over and above all false modesty, her +religious scruples and her fear of pregnancy; and so she _may_ come +through the ordeal of introduction to the act of coitus in a fairly +sane condition of mind, even though she may have practically been +_raped_! But, too often, the result of such first contact is _a shock +to the bride from which she may not recover during all the subsequent +years of married life_! And "here is where the trouble lies," for +untold thousands of married men and women, all over the civilized +world, to-day. And it might all be so different! It ought, _in every +case_, to be all so different! But if it ever does become different, +_knowledge_ has got to take the place of "_innocence"_ on the part of +the _bride_, and of _ignorance_ on the part of the _bridegroom_, both +of whom must be _taught_ to "_Know what they are about_" before they +engage in the sexual act, and be able to meet each other sanely, +_righteously, lovingly,_ because they both _desire_ what each has to +give to the other; in a way in which neither claims any _rights_, or +makes any _demands_ of the other--in a word, in _perfect concord_ +of agreement and action, of which mutual love is the inspirer, and +_definite knowledge_ the directive agent. + +Such a first meeting of bride and bridegroom will be no raping affair. +There will be no shock in it, no dread, no shame or thought of shame; +but as perfectly as two drops of water flow together and become one, +the bodies and souls of the parties to the act will mingle in a unity +the most perfect and blissful that can ever be experienced by human +beings in this world. This is no dream! It is a most blessed reality, +which all normally made husbands and wives can attain to, if only they +are properly _taught and educated_, if only they will learn how to +reach such blissful condition. + +However, such greatly desired status is not to be had for the asking +merely. _Instinct can never bring it about; "innocence"_ will never +yield such a result; and _force_, or the declaration of a "_right_" +in the premises will forever banish it to the realm of the +never-to-be-realized. It can only come as a result of clear-headed +thinking, scientific investigation, honest study, wise and righteous +action under the given conditions; and, above all, _a love, each for +the other, that knows no bounds_. All these things _must_ obtain, +_on the part of both parties concerned_, or the desired results can +_never_ be attained. + +Having said which, here shall follow some suggestions as to how such +estate may be reached by the readers of these pages. + +But first, let us finish Dr. C., and all of his tribe--banish them from +all our reckoning in these matters, forever. + +As already shown, this argument has not a leg to stand on. These +writers treat the whole situation as though men and women were _mere +animals! Men and women are far more than mere animals, and God hath +made them so_! And for these reasons we will have respect for men and +women as _God has made them_, rather than as Dr. C. and the "purity +leagues" say God _should_ have made them! + +As a matter of fact, the secondary function of sex in the human family +is something _far above_ mere animality; it is something that mere +animals know nothing about, that they can never experience, or in any +way attain to, and these _fundamental differences_ in the premises +remove the whole issue from the realm of comparison with any forms or +functions of mere animal life. As well reason that animals never eat +cooked food, and so men ought never to eat cooked food (and there are +some people who do so reason, strange to say) or that animals do +not wear clothes, and so men ought not to wear clothes--as well make +these, or a score more of comparisons, between the human race and mere +animals, as to try to compare them in the item of their sex functions. + +In only the single fact that, on the physical plane merely, coitus +for the purpose of procreation is common to all animal life, mankind +included, is there a point of comparison between humanity and the +brute creation. _Beyond that point there is nothing comparable between +the two_! As well say that because beasts can hear, therefore they +can comprehend and enjoy a Beethoven Sonata, or because they have eyes +they can delight in a picture by Corot! + +This is only another way of saying that sex has functions and uses in +the human family that are entirely apart from the possibilities of all +other animal life--functions as much above mere animality as music is +above mere physical hearing, as painting above mere physical sight. + +These facts forever upset and overthrow all the theories of Dr. C. and +Co., they entirely eliminate the whole bunch from any part or lot in +the issue on which they have essayed to speak with such authority, +but whose main point, whose essential elements they have _entirely +misunderstood_, and hence have treated in a way that is wholly at +variance with the truth in the premises, and it is the truth that we +are looking for. + +Once more (for it is well to go to the bottom of this matter while we +are about it) the honest truth is, that _it is the universal practice +of the human race for men and women to cohabit for other purposes than +reproduction, and it has always been so_, since men and women were men +and women! It is true among the most savage and barbarous tribes of +the earth, and it is more emphatically true of the highly civilized +people in all lands and climes. And is it reasonable to suppose that +such a universal phenomenon should _not_ have been intended to be as +it is! As well say that appetite for food is a mistake, one that ought +to be eliminated! + +Again, the experiences of men and women, all over the world, prove +that, where this act is engaged in properly, according to the laws +that obtain in the premises, _it conduces to the highest physical, +mental, and spiritual well-being of the parties concerned_. Indeed, it +is beyond doubt true that the men and women who have never known this +most perfect of all human experiences, have never reached the summit +of human attainment, have never arrived at the perfection of manhood +and womanhood. Length of life, health of the highest sort, and +happiness, the most delectable--all come, these and more, to men and +women by this route, _if it is rightly traveled_. Hell and damnation +result if that road is wrongly trod! + +And that's what makes the manner of traveling it so important. + + + + +VI + +THE ACT OF COITUS + + +Strictly speaking, the act of coitus should be considered as composed +of four parts, or acts, of one common play, or drama. Not that there +is a sharp line of demarcation between each act or part, for the +_four_ really blend into _one_ composite whole, when taken together, +seriatim; but there are _four phases_ of the act which may well be +studied separately, in making a detailed review of a sexual meeting of +a man and a woman. + +These four parts are: _first_, the preparation for the act; _second_, +the _union_ of the organs; _third_, the motion of the organs; +_fourth_, the orgasm. + +In what immediately follows, these _four_ stages of the act of coitus +will be studied and traced in detail, with the utmost care, in the +hope that such pursuit may result in the best possible good to the +student. + +Regarding the _first_ part of the act, let it be said that here, above +all other situations in the world "_haste makes waste_." _Put that +down as the most fundamental fact in this whole affair!_ Right here is +where ninety-nine one-hundredths of all the troubles of married life +begin! And the fault, right here, is usually (though not always) with +the husband! But he doesn't mean to be bad. Not once in a thousand +times does he deliberately purpose to do wrong. He is simply the +victim of undirected and ungoverned passion, and of an _ignorance_ +which results in stupid blundering, or carelessness, or +thoughtlessness. What such a husband practically does is to rush +blindly and furiously along a way he knows nothing of, but which he +has been led to think he has a _right_ to travel _when and how he +will_! The ordinary figure of a "bull in a china shop" can but faintly +describe the smashing and grinding to powder of the most delicate +situation that can occur in all human experiences, that result from +such action as this. Ideals that have touched heaven are tumbled from +their lofty places and ruthlessly crushed to atoms; hopes that were +beyond the power of words to express go out in despair; dreams become +a hideous nightmare; and love, which was as pure as crystal waters, is +muddied, befouled, and made into a cesspool! _And all this because of +ignorance_ or careless hurrying, of making haste where the utmost of +time, caution and intelligent care should have obtained! + +As has already been explained, when the act of coitus is to be +engaged in, the sex organs of both the man and the woman undergo great +changes. Blood rushes to all these parts, in copious quantities, +till they become gorged. The result is that the penis is enlarged to +several times its dormant size, and the vulva and vagina should, +and will, under right conditions, undergo similar changes and +transformation. + +_But there is usually a great difference in the length of time it +takes for these changes to take place in men and women_. On the part +of the man, as soon as his passion is aroused to any considerable +extent, the penis at once makes itself ready for action. It +"tumesces," or swells itself hard, almost instantly; and, so far as +its mere physical stoutness is concerned, is as ready to enter the +vagina then as ever, even if it has to force itself in. + +On the other hand, the tumescence of the parts in women is usually, +(especially as girls are reared) not infrequently, a matter of +considerable time, not infrequently several minutes, and now and then, +of _half-an-hour or more_! This is not always so, for in some very +passionate women they are ready for action almost instantly. Indeed, +there are some women whose sex organs tumesce if they (the women) even +touch a man--any man--and occasionally a case occurs where a woman +will experience an orgasm if her clothing brushes against a man! Such +cases are, of course, abnormal. But, _for the most part_, it is true +that women are _much slower_ in making ready for the sexual act than +men are. + +Again, as the organs become ready for the act, nature has provided a +most wonderful means for bringing about their easy and happy union. +Both the male and female organs secrete and emit, or pour out, a sort +of lubricating fluid which covers and sometimes almost floods the +parts. This is a clear and limpid substance, that looks much like the +white of an egg, and is much like the saliva that is secreted in +the mouth, only it is a thicker substance. Chemically, it is almost +identical with saliva. That generated by the man is called "prostatic +flow;" that produced by the woman "pre-coital secretion." + +Now, if time is given for this fluid to be secreted and exuded, all +the parts become covered or saturated with it, and they are admirably +equipped for easy union. The glans penis is then covered with the +slippery fluid, and the vulva and all the walls of the vagina are +laved with the substance. At the same time, the vaginal walls have +widened and grown soft, and all the parts of the vulva (which are yet +to be named and described in detail) are in like condition. The result +is that, though the penis be what might at first seem of such size as +to make its entrance into the vagina impossible, as a matter of fact, +such entrance is perfectly easy, when the parts are fully ready to be +joined. _But not before or otherwise!_ + +So here is where the trouble comes. If the husband is in haste, if he +does not wait for the wife to become ready to meet him; if he forces +his large, hard penis into the vagina before either is fully ready +for such union--when there is no prostatic fluid on its glans, and the +vagina is shrunken and its walls are dry--if coitus is engaged in in +this way, it is perfectly easy to see that _only disaster can result_! +The woman is hurt, sometimes most cruelly, and the man in reality gets +only a beastly gratification from the act. _Of all bad things in all +the world, such manner of coition is the worst_! + +And so, in this _first_ part of the act, the one foremost thought to +remember and observe is, _take plenty of time!_ + +There is another reason why, on the part of woman, this time should +be extended, especially when she is a bride and inexperienced in these +matters, and that is, that her "innocence," and all her education, +make her feel that she is _doing wrong_, or at least permitting a +wrong thing to be done, and this holds back the proper growth of her +passion, hinders the tumescence of her sex organs, delays the flow +of the precoital secretion, and so keeps her from becoming properly +prepared for her share of the mutual act. + +Again, her fear of pregnancy may still further retard her coming into +a proper condition. Indeed, this last is the almost common cause for +her failing to be in readiness for meeting her husband. All of +which items must be taken into account by both husband and wife, +and intelligently, lovingly dealt with, if the best results for both +parties are attained. + +As regards the item of possible pregnancy, special note will be made +of this feature later on. It is here placed in abeyance for the time +being, because its consideration can be better provided for after some +other points have been studied. + +Now the one easily understood (and as easily practiced as understood) +direction as to what to do by way of preparation for the act of coitus +is: _do as lovers do when they are "courting."_ And everybody knows +what that is! And note this--that _nobody ever hurries when they are +courting!_ They delay, they protract, they dilly-dally, they "fool +around," they pet each other in all sorts of possible and impossible +ways. They kiss each other--"long and passionate kisses, they again +and again give and receive"--they hug each other, nestle into each +other's arms--in a word, they "play together" in a thousand-and-one +ways which the "goody-goods" declare to be wrong, and the cold-blooded +call nonsense or foolishness, but which all _lovers_ know is an +_unspeakable delight_ ("unspeakable" is the word, for who wants to +_talk_ when these blissful experiences are going on!). + +Now, these things, and the likes of these things, in limitless supply, +should always precede the act of coitus. It is right there that this +part of the first act of this wonderful four-act drama or play should +be wrought out, and if they are omitted or disregarded, the play +will end in _tragedy, with all the leading actors left dead upon the +stage_! + +Now the chief, if not the only, reason why this part of the supreme +act of married life is not always preluded in this way is found in +the _false view_ of what the _marriage ceremony means_, and a wrong +impression as to what it confers upon the parties who say "yes" to +its prescriptions. That is, the common idea is, that the taking of +"marriage vows" bestows certain _rights_ and imposes certain _duties_ +upon the new husband and wife. It is thought that such ceremony makes +certain acts _right_ which would _otherwise_ be _wrong_, and that it +establishes the _right_ to engage in such acts, _with or without any +further consultation or consent in the premises_. It makes love a +matter of _contract_, a something _bound by promise and pledge rather +than a free and unfettered effusion of the soul_. + +The result of this is that, whereas, before the marriage ceremony both +the man and woman take the utmost care to do everything in their power +to increase, magnify, and retain each other's love, after they +have been granted a "license," and the minister has put their hands +together and prayed over them--after this, they both think they have +a "_cinch_" on each other, that they are bound together by a bond that +cannot be broken, a tie so strong that it will need no further looking +after, but which will "stay put" of its own accord, and which +may therefore be let to shift for itself from the hour of its +pronouncement! Nothing _could be further from the truth than this is_. +And yet it is a common feeling and belief among young married people! + +Nor is it any wonder that this should be so. The very form of the +marriage ceremony and contract tends to make it so. The fact that +marriage originated as a form of slavery, and that much of its +original status yet remains--all these things tend to establish these +wrong ideas regarding the estate, in the minds of the parties to it. + +Nor are the evils that come from such wrong view of marriage all +confined to one side of the house. On the contrary, they are +about evenly divided between husbands and wives, witness a few +illustrations, as follows: + +A couple had been married about a year. They had no children, nor +were there prospects of any. The husband was beginning to spend his +evenings away from home, leaving his wife alone. One evening, as he +was making ready to go out, his wife said: "What makes you go out +evenings now, and leave me alone! You didn't use to do it!" And the +husband replied: + +"Why, you don't do anything to make it interesting for me now! You +used to put on your prettiest clothes when I came to see you, fixed +up your hair bewitchingly, had a smile for me that wouldn't come off, +would sing for me, read to me, sit on my lap and pet me and kiss me, +and now you never do anything of the kind." And before he could say +more, the wife responded: "_Oh, but we are married now, and it's your +duty to stay with me!_" + +What wonder that the husband went out of the house, slamming the door +after him! The wonder is that he ever came back. + +Again: A woman who was a graduate of a famous Eastern College and +who had taught for a number of years, who was from one of the "first +families" in the east, and was counted as a lady of the highest +culture and refinement, finally married a Western business man. On +their bridal night, as they were retiring, the man laid his hand on +the woman's bare shoulder, and she threw it off, and said: "Don't +be disgusting! I married you because I was tired of taking care of +myself, or of having my relatives take care of me. You are worth fifty +thousand dollars, and one-third of all that was made mine just as soon +as the preacher got through his closing prayer, and you can't help +it! That's the truth, and we are married, and you can make the best of +it!" + +These are both truthful tales, nor are they the only ones of the sort +that could be told. + +On the other hand, these are matched with acts of ignorant and +careless young husbands, who do dastardly deeds to their brides +because they think _the law_ and the _contract_ give them the right! +There is no need to go into details. The whole evil is revealed by the +words of the woman just quoted: "_Oh, but we are married now_." + +These records, and all like them, lead to the remark that _marriage +confers no rights, to either the bride or the bridegroom, in the +highest meaning of the word_. So far as its outward and formal +observance is concerned, marriage is merely a sort of protection for +society which has grown up through the years, and which is probably +for the best, for the present, things being as they are. But it should +be well understood that it can _never_ lead to _true happiness_ if it +is viewed and utilized _merely_ on its _legal and formal side. True +marriage is based on mutual love; and mutual love can never be traded +upon, or made an item of formal agreement and contract._ People may +contract to live together and to cohabit, and they may faithfully +carry out their agreements; _but this is not marriage_! It is simply +_legalized prostitution, bargain and sale, for a consideration. It is +blasphemy to call it by the sacred name of marriage!_ + +Truly does Tennyson say: "Free love will not be bound." Indeed it +cannot be! It must remain forever free if it stays at all. And if the +parties to it try to bind it, the more chains, fastenings, pledges +and agreements they put upon it, the sooner and quicker will it escape +from all its holdings and fly away and _stay away_! + +And so, to come back to where we left off (for we said there should be +no hurrying or haste here) let married people understand that the key +to married happiness is _to keep on "courting" each other_. Indeed, +to make courting continually grow to more and more. During the whole +extent of married life, never neglect, much less forget to be lovers, +and to show, _by all your acts_, that you are lovers, and great shall +be your reward. Don't ask how to do this! You know how, well enough. +Do it! + +And be careful _not_ to do anything that a careful lover ought not +to do! This direction should be heeded by both husband and wife. Make +yourself beautiful for your husband, Oh, wife, and keep yourself so. +As between the public, or your friends, or society, give them what of +yourself you can spare, after you have given to your lover all that +you can bestow upon him, or he can wish you to bestow. Don't give +to everybody and everything else, church, society, work, children, +friends, or what-so-ever--don't give _all_ of yourself to these, and +let your husband "take what there is left." Don't do that, as you +value your married success and happiness! Don't say: "Oh, but we are +married now," and let it go at that! + +The beautiful and delicate flowers of married love need to be watched +and tended with the most skilful care, _continually_, by both husband +and wife. Treated in this way, they will not only be fragrant and +lovely through all the years of wedded life; but as, one by one, the +blossoms shed their petals and change their forms so that luscious +fruits may come in turn--as these changes take place, new, more +beautiful and more fragrant flowers will continue to the very end of +the longest married life. Don't ever forget this, or doubt it, as you +hope for happiness in the marriage state! Mind what is here said, and +act accordingly _all the time_--days, nights and Sundays. + +Now if these truths are thoroughly inculcated, "kicked in" so firmly +and deeply that they will never "jar loose" or get away, we will move +on. + +So, then, the _first_ part of _every_ act of coitus should always be a +_courting_ act, in which there should be _no haste_, but in which the +parties should "_make delays_," as John Burroughs says. + +And this should be added: that, for married lovers, courting has a far +wider range of possibilities than it has for the unmarried. Previous +to marriage, there are conventionalities and clothes in the way! After +that, neither of these need be in evidence, and this makes a lot of +difference, and all in favor of the best results, if rightly used, +and made the most of. One hardly need to go into details here, (though +this may be done later on in this writing). If the lovers will be as +free with each other unclothed as clothed; if they will utterly ignore +all conventionalities, and do with and for each other anything and +everything that their _impulses_ and _inclinations_ suggest, or +their desires prompt; if they will, _with the utmost abandon_ give +themselves up to petting each other in every possible way that _mother +nature_ has put within their reach; if they will hug and kiss and +"spoon" and "play with each other" just as they want to do--if they +will do this, and not _hurry_ about it--then, in due course, they +will successfully execute the _first act_ of the great play they are +performing; the sex organs will become fully ready for the union they +are both longing for; the "prostate flow" will have added to the erect +condition of the penis; the walls of the vagina and all the area +of the vulva will be enlarged, soft, flexible and made smooth and +slippery by a most generous supply of the "pre-coital secretion" and +everything will be in _perfect readiness_ for the next part of the +performance, namely the union of the organs. + +And here it becomes necessary to say something about the position of +the parties in making such union. There are a large number of these +possible, some of which may be noted later, but here, only the most +common one will be considered (it is said there are more than forty +different positions possible in this act). + +The most common position is for the woman to lie flat on her back, +with her legs spread wide apart, and her knees drawn up so that the +angle made by the upper and lower part of the leg shall be less than +a right angle. Her head should not be too high, there should be no +pillow under it. + +Into her arms, and between her spread legs as she lies thus, her lover +should come. His body will thus be over and above her, and _he should +sustain himself on his elbows and knees_, so that little or _none_ of +his weight may rest upon her. In this position, face to face (and +it should be noted that only in the human family is this position of +coitus possible! Among mere animals, the male is always upon the back +of the female. They--mere animals--can never look each other in the +eye and kiss each other during the act! This is another marked and +very significant difference between human beings and all other animals +in this regard) it is perfectly natural and easy for the organs to +go together, when properly made ready, as here-before described. The +woman should also place her heels in the knee-hollows of her lover's +legs, and clasp his body with her arms. + +The entrance of the penis into the vagina should not be too abrupt, +unless circumstances are perfectly favorable for such meeting and it +is _the wish of the wife_ that it be made in this way. It is only +fair to say, though, that such bold and pronounced entrance is often +_greatly desired by the woman_, if her passion has been fully aroused +at this stage of the act. Such union is not infrequently of the +greatest delight to her, if everything is favorable for its being +so made. But, if there is any pain produced in her by the coming +together, the meeting should be gentle and slow, the penis working its +way into the vagina by degrees, till, finally, it is entirely encased +therein. Once thus happily together, the vagina and uterine cavity +will still further expand, till, in due order, the two organs will be +fitted together perfectly, a single unit, _one_, in the highest sense +of unity. + +This is the _second_ act in this wonderful play. + +Once well together, and the organs perfectly settled and adapted +to each other, the _third_ act begins, namely, _the motion of the +organs_--the sliding of the penis back and forth, partly in and out of +the vagina, though this is not really the best way of describing just +what should take place. What _should_ actually be done is, that the +_two_ organs should engage in this motion, which is _common to them +both_. They should _mutually_ slip a few inches, back and forth, _each +party to the motion doing a fair half_. + +It is often supposed, by both an uninitiated husband and an "innocent" +wife, that all the motion should originate with the husband--that +he should slide his penis in and out of the vagina, while the woman +should lie still and "_let him do it all_." This is, however, a +_great_ mistake, and one that has caused an endless amount of ill to +untold numbers of husbands and wives. And for the following reasons: + +In the position just described, if the wife has her arms around her +lover's body and her heels in his knee-pockets, while he supports +himself by his elbows and knees over and above her, resting _none_ of +his weight upon her, it is perfectly easy for her to lift her hips up +and down, or sway them from side to side, or swing them in a circling +"round-and-round" motion, as she may choose to do. She can thus +_originate_ her half of the in-and-out motion--a something she will +delight to do, _if given a fair chance._ If, however, the man lies +heavily upon her, holding her down with the weight of his body, the +possibility of such action on her part is prevented, and this results +disastrously to both parties. And so, in this part of the act, the +husband should take the _utmost care_ to give his wife the _full and +complete freedom_ to move her hips as she chooses, and as a successful +climax demands that she should. + +Now if the wife be left free to move, as just described, and the +in-and-out motion proceeds as it should, what immediately follows will +vary in a great degree. Thus, the time taken to reach the climax, or +last act of the performance, may be a few seconds, or several minutes, +may require a mere half dozen motions, or _several hundred!_ All +depends on the intensity of the passions of the husband and wife, +especially the latter, and their skill in manipulating this part of +the act. + +The effect of this motion is to still further excite and still more +distend all the organs involved. Normally, the motion grows faster and +faster, the strokes becoming as long as the length of the organs will +possibly permit without separating them. The flow of the lubricating +fluids, from both organs, becomes more and more copious, till, all at +once, the orgasm, or _fourth stage_, is reached! + +It is difficult to describe what this orgasm is like. There is no +bodily sensation that at all corresponds to it, unless it be a sneeze, +and this is only like it in that it is spontaneous, and a sort of +nervous spasm (a sneeze is sometimes spoken of as an orgasm). A sexual +orgasm is a nervous spasm, or a series of pulsating nervous explosions +which defy description. The action is entirely beyond the control of +the will, when it finally arrives, and the sensation it produces is +delectable beyond telling. It is the topmost pinnacle of all human +experiences. For a husband and wife to reach this climax, at exactly +the same instant, is a consummation that can never be excelled in +human life. It is a goal worthy the endeavor of all husbands and +wives, to attain to this supreme height of sexual possibilities. + +On the part of the man, the orgasm throws the semen into, and all +about the vaginal-uterine tract. The amount of semen thus discharged +at a single climax is about a tablespoonful, enough to entirely flush +and flood the area into which it is thrown. Its use and action there +have already been described, and so need not be repeated here. + +On the part of the woman, the orgasm causes no corresponding emission +of fluid, of any sort, that is jetted forth as is the semen. Yet the +spasmodic action of the sexual parts, so far as nervous explosions are +concerned, is exactly like that of her partner. Palpitation follows +palpitation, through all the sexual area; the mouth of the womb opens +and closes convulsively, the vagina dilates and contracts again and +again, and the vulva undergoes similar actions. The sensations are +all of the most delectable nature, the whole of the woman's body being +thrilled, over and over, again and again, with delights inexpressible. +This, however, seems to be the entire mission of the orgasm in woman. +_It has nothing whatever to do with conception_; though many people, +especially young husbands who know just a little about the phenomenon, +believe that it is an _essential_ to pregnancy. _But such is by no +means the case._ All that is needed to bring about conception in a +woman is the presence of the ovum in the uterus, and its meeting semen +there, and so becoming fertilized. So far as becoming pregnant is +concerned, the _woman_ need have _no pleasure at all_ in the act of +coitus. Indeed, women have been made pregnant by securing fresh semen +from some man and injecting it into the vagina with an ordinary female +syringe! + +The false idea, which largely prevails, and which usually takes the +form that there is no danger or possibility of conception unless the +orgasm is _simultaneous on the part of the man and woman_, has caused +many a woman to become pregnant when she thought such a result to +be impossible, because she and her lover did not "spend" at the same +instant. For the same reason, many a young husband has impregnated his +wife when he least expected to do so, thinking that because he alone +experienced the orgasm, that therefore conception was impossible. + +Again, there are many married men and women who do not know that it is +possible for a woman to experience an orgasm at all! The writer once +knew a case of this kind, where a husband and wife, most intelligent +and well cultivated people, lived together for twenty years, and to +whom were born six children, who, at the end of that time were +wholly unaware of such possibility! They afterwards discovered it by +accident, as it were, and after that enjoyed its delights for many +years. There are some, yea, many, women who never experience this +sensation at all, but of this more will be said later. + +All these phenomena seem to indicate the fact that, so far as women +are concerned, _the orgasm is entirely for her delectation and +delight. It forms no part of the act of conception_, and its only +possible function, beyond that of pleasure, is that, because of the +exceedingly delightful sensations it produces, it may lure women to +engage in coitus when, but for this fact, they would not do so, and +that it thus increases the possibility of women becoming mothers. +Indeed, there is no stronger temptation to a woman to run the risk of +becoming pregnant than her desire to experience an orgasm! But more of +this later. + +As soon as the orgasm is over, a total collapse of the husband and +wife takes place. They are truly "spent," a most expressive word, +which alone can describe their condition. On the part of the man +the up-to-this-moment stout penis, becomes almost instantly limp +and shrunken, while all the female organs become quiescent. A most +delightful languor steals over them; every nerve and fibre of the +whole body relaxes; and a desire to fall asleep at once, comes upon +them irresistibly. And the thing for them to do is to avail themselves +of such natural impulse, just as soon as possible. They should always +have at hand, and within easy reach, a towel, or napkin, with which +to care for the surplus of the seminal emission, which, as soon as the +organs are separated, will, in greater or less quantity, flow from the +vagina. Some of the same fluid will also remain upon the penis when +it is withdrawn. The husband should absorb this surplus which remains +with him with the towel, as soon as the organs are parted, and +immediately leave his super-imposed position, leaving his wife +_perfectly free_, to do as she will. She should arrange the towel +between her thighs, exactly as she would a sanitary napkin, making no +attempt to remove the surplus semen at that time, and turn over and go +to sleep _immediately_. (It is said that if the woman goes to sleep on +her _back_, after coition, she thereby increases the _probability_, +of becoming pregnant. This is a point that women who greatly desire +motherhood should note. The writer knew one case where a wife lay on +her back for twenty-four hours after coition and so became pregnant +after all other means had failed.) + +Now it might seem that such neglect, on the part of the woman, to +immediately remove the surplus semen, was uncleanly and unsanitary. +But this is not at all true, and for this reason: _The semen is a most +powerful stimulant to all the female sex-organs, and to the whole body +of the woman_. The organs themselves will absorb quantities of semen, +if left in contact with it, and it is most healthful and beneficial to +them, and to the woman, to have them do so. It is for this cause that +many women increase in flesh, and even grow fat after they are married +and so can avail themselves of this _healthful food._ As a matter +of fact, _there is no nerve-stimulant, or nerve-quieter, that is as +potent to woman-kind as semen_. There are multitudes of "nervous" +women, hysterical even, who are restored to health, and kept in good +health, through the stimulative effects of satisfactory coitus and the +absorption of semen, when both these items are present in perfection. +On the other hand, there are many women who suffer all sorts of ills, +when these normally beneficial factors are misused or wrongly applied. +The results that follow all depend upon the way the act is done, and +its products utilized. + +So, after the act of coition is over, let the woman slip a "bandage" +into place as soon as possible, and go to sleep. If she sleeps long, +so much the better, so much more will she be benefited by the presence +of the semen and its absorption. When she naturally wakens, she may +bathe the vulva region with warm water; but there is no need of, nor +is it wise to try to cleanse the vagina and the uterine tract by the +use of a vaginal syringe. Above all, never inject cold water into the +vagina, especially do not do this immediately after coitus. Some women +use a cold water injection immediately after coitus. There is no surer +way to ill health and ultimate suicide. The parts are congested with +blood at such times, and to pour _cold_ water upon them is as though, +when one is dripping with perspiration, he should plunge into a cold +bath. Nature has made wise provision for taking care of all the semen +that remains in the vagina. Let the parts alone, and they will cleanse +and care for themselves. + +Such, then, is a somewhat extended review of the act of coitus at its +best estate, and in a general way. _Its perfect accomplishment is an +art to be cultivated, and one in which expertness can only be attained +by wise observation, careful study of all the factors involved, and a +loving adaptation of the bodies, minds and souls of both the parties +to the act. It is no mere animal function._ It is a _union_, a _unity_ +of "two _souls_ with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as +one." There is nothing low or degrading about it, when it is what it +ought to be, when it is brought to, and experienced at, its highest +and best estate. It is _God-designed, God-born, God-bestowed!_ As such +it should be thankfully received and _divinely used_ by all the sons +and daughters of men. + + + + +VII + +THE FIRST UNION + + +And now, although so much has been said, there is much that remains to +be said, and which ought to be said, to do the subject justice. Some +of these things are as follows: + +Something more ought to be told about the second part of the act of +coitus, the union of the organs, when this occurs for the _first_ time +on the part of the woman. + +At the first meeting of the husband and wife, if the woman be a +virgin, there are certain conditions which exist, on her part, that +are not present in after-meetings, and these must be understood and +rightly dealt with, or the worst of bad results may ensue. + +Of course, at such first meeting, all the preliminaries prescribed as +forming the _first_ movement of the act should be carried out _to the +limit_. It is not too much to say that these should be prolonged for +_some days_! Do not start, young husband, at this statement! Well did +Alexander Dumas, pere, write: "Oh, young husband, have a care in the +first overtures you make toward your bride! She may shrink from what +she feels must come; she may put her hands over her eyes to shut out +the sight; but do not forget that she is a woman, and so is filled +with _curiosity_, under any and all circumstances! And you may set it +down as sure, that, though she blinds herself with her hands as she +scales the dizzy heights you are leading her over, nevertheless, +_she will peek through her fingers!_ So she will watch you with most +critical eyes, and note every show of _selfishness or blundering on +your part! So have a care!_ You may think you are aiming your arrow +at the sun. See to it that it does not alight in the mud!" Good words +these, and to be heeded, come what may! + +As a rule, if the bride be a virgin, it is well to _let plenty of time +elapse before engaging in the full act of coitus!_ Delay here will +lead to a possible loving speed, later on. The young people should +take time enough to get better acquainted with each other than ever +before; to become, in a measure, accustomed to the uncovered presence +of each other, and to the new possibilities of "courting" and "playing +together" that their new conditions offer. In any case, full coitus +should not be attempted till the bride is at least _willing_. If +she can be brought to become _anxious_ for the meeting, so much the +better. + +And so, with plenty of time taken for making ready for the act, we +come to the first union of the organs for a newly married couple, the +bride being a virgin. And here is where an explanation is called for. + +The vulva, or external part of the female sex organs, is a mouth +shaped aperture, located laterally between the forward part of the +thighs. In shape, size and structure, it much resembles the external +parts of the mouth proper. It begins just in front of the anus, and +extends forward above the pubic bone and a little ways up the belly. +Its entire lateral length is about four or more inches. + +This organ is made up of several parts, as follows: The lips, or +labiae, as they are technically known, the clitoris, and the vaginal +opening. The lips are a double row, two on either side, and are known +as labiae major and labiae minor, that is, the thicker and thinner, or +larger and smaller lips. They extend almost the entire length of the +vulva, the outer lips folding over the inner ones when the thighs are +together. The outer parts of the larger lips are covered with hair. In +thickness and quality these labiae are much like the lips of the face +of each individual, a large mouth and thick lips indicate a large +vulva and thick labiae and vice-versa. The clitoris is a gland that +is located forward, on the upper part of the vulva. It corresponds, +almost exactly, in make-up and function, with the glans penis of the +male organ. The vaginal opening is at the rear, or lower part of the +vulva, and leads directly into the vagina proper. + +All these parts are composed of most keenly responsive nerves, and +they are covered with a thin, delicate and exceedingly sensitive +skin, almost exactly such as lines the cheeks and the mouth. Both the +clitoris and the lips are filled with expandable blood vessels, and +in a state of tumescence they are greatly enlarged by a flow of +blood into the parts. The clitoris, in this condition, undergoes an +enlargement, or "erection," which is exactly like that of the glans +penis. So much as to the physiology of this part of the female sex +organs, all of which should be well understood by every bride and +bridegroom, though often it is not. + +Now, in its virgin state, the vulva has another part, not yet named, +and this is the hymen, or "maiden-head" as it is commonly known. This +is a membrane that grows across the forward, or upper part of the +vaginal opening, and so _closes up_ nearly all that part of the +vulva. This hymen is not always present, however, even in a state of +undoubted virginity. Sometimes it is torn away in childhood by the +little girl's fingers, as she "plays with herself." Sometimes it +is ruptured by lifting, again it is broken away by the use of a +large-sized female syringe. _For all these reasons, it is not right to +conclude that a bride is not a virgin because the hymen is not present +and in evidence at the first coition._ + +Now many young husbands, and some young wives, are wholly ignorant of +the _existence_ of the hymen, and of the troubles it may cause at the +second part of the sexual act, in a first meeting. This membrane is +often quite tough and strong. It is grown fast to the lower part of +the clitoris and to the inside surfaces of the smaller lips, and +it covers so much of the vaginal opening that it is practically +impossible for the erect penis to enter the vagina so long as it +is present. Now if, under these conditions, the bride and groom +(especially the latter) are ignorant of the real construction of the +parts, and so should try to make a union of the organs, they would +find such union obstructed, if not impossible; and if the man, +puzzled, and impatient, and passion-driven, should _force_ a hasty +entrance into the vagina, rupturing the hymen ruthlessly, he would +hurt the woman cruelly, probably cause her to _bleed_ freely from the +wounded parts, and shock her seriously! All of which would be a score +against the husband, would brand him as a brute, or a bungler, and so +tend to make his "sun-aimed arrow alight in the mud." + +The thing to do here, is, first of all, to know the situation and to +talk it over, and carefully, delicately, do the best that can be done +about it. If the conditions are fully understood by the bride and +groom, they can, in almost every case, by working and moving together +carefully, overcome the obstacle, remove the hymen with little or no +pain or loss of blood. + +As a matter of fact, when the time for meeting comes, if all the facts +are known, and the husband will hold his erect penis still and steady +against the hymen, the bride will so press against it, and "wiggle +around" it, that _by her own motions_, she will break the membrane and +so be rid of it. She knows how much pain she can endure, and when the +pressure is too hard she can relieve it by her own action! Anyhow, +what is done _she does_ herself, and so can never charge up against +her husband! + +It is a rare case in which, by mutual willingness, and desire and +mutual effort to remove the obstruction, it cannot be eliminated +with satisfaction to both bride and groom. If, however, careful and +well-executed efforts fail to remove it, the services of a surgeon +should be procured, and he, by a very simple and almost painless +operation, can remove the difficulty. But never, _no never_, should +it be brutally torn away by the force of the husband, and without the +full willingness of the wife. _Mark this well_. As a matter of fact, +the wise and practical thing for every bride to do, would be to go to +a surgeon a few days before her wedding, and have him remove the hymen +for her. Such operation is nearly painless, and is very easily done. +Still, to do this might raise a doubt of virginity on the part of the +husband and so this is a point to be careful about! + +The act of removing the hymen is often spoken of as "defloration"--the +tearing to pieces of a flower. The term is not fortunate. Nothing +worth while has been taken away by removing the hymen, but much that +is useful has been acquired. An organ that has outlived whatever +usefulness it might once have had has been removed, and its going +has made possible new and beautiful uses in life. If this has been +accomplished by the mutual desire and effort of the bride and groom, +it is a cause for joy and not of sorrow; of delight and not of +mourning. As well weep over the removal of the vermiform appendix as +for the destruction of the hymen. + +With this obstacle rightly overcome, the second act of coitus offers +no situation that calls for further remark or explanation. + +And now a few words about the probabilities of conception resulting +from coitus, and some matters which are very closely related thereto. + +In the first place, every healthy and fairly-well-provided-for husband +and wife should desire to have children, and should act in accordance +with such wish. This is not only in harmony with the primary purpose +of sex in the human family, but it is a response to a natural demand +of the human soul, in both man and woman. As Bernard Shaw makes Jack +Tanner say: "There is a father-heart as well as a mother-heart" and +_parenthood is the supreme desire of all normal and wholesome-minded +men and women._ It is not an "instinct," but something far above that +quality. + +Parenthood among mere animals is the result of instinct, and of that +alone, but not so in the human race. Human beings naturally desire to +make a home for themselves, and a home, in the fullest meaning of that +word, means _children_ and a "family circle." This is something that +animals know nothing about. Animal mothers forget and ignore their +progeny as soon as they are weaned; and animal fathers will, in many +cases, kill them as soon as they are born, if they get a chance to +do so. These facts prove that parenthood, in the human family, is +something much more than in the rest of the animal kingdom. Indeed, +the whole matter of comparing this quality, as it exists in humanity, +with that of animals merely, is only a continuance of the similar +abomination of comparing the sex functions of these two forms of life. +In the real essentials of existence, they are in no way comparable; +and to make such is not only folly, but approaches the positively +criminal. The results of doing so certainly lead to crime. + +Fundamentally, then, nearly all men and women marry with the purpose +and hope of having a family of children. They may not put it that way, +may not even acknowledge it, even to each other or to themselves; but +if married people find that they _cannot_ produce, it is a source of +unspeakable regret to them both. In such cases, the inherent desire +for parenthood will "cry aloud and spare not." A "barren" woman +greatly mourns her inability, and will shed bitter tears over the +fact, if she be truly human; and an "impotent" man will be practically +despised by all who are aware of his incompetence. + +And yet, though all normal men and women desire to have children, +it is only right that they should desire to have them _as they want +them_, and _when_ they want them, and not _whenever they may happen +to come!_ That is, sensible and thoughtful people, who plan definitely +for the future, want to make the coming of children to them an affair +of _deliberate_ arrangement, and not of _chance_. + +This is not only as it should be, but is really the only right way +that children should be begotten and born. Which statement calls for +a few special words on the right of parents to regulate the production +of progeny. + +There is much talk, in some quarters, about "race suicide," and +the wickedness of deliberately limiting the number of children in a +family. Such talking and writing arouse anxious questionings in the +minds of conscientious young married men and women who are desiring to +do the right thing in the premises, but are uncertain as to what the +right thing is, and for such are the following words: + +Many years ago, an English philosopher and statesman, Malthus by name, +discovered and announced the fact that the rate of natural increase +in the human race was several times greater than that of the possible +rate of production of food supply for their support. Scientifically +phrased, his statement was that "the rate of increase in humanity +is in geometrical ratio, while the rate of increase of possible food +supply is in arithmetical ratio." And from this basis, he reasoned +that, unless the surplus of human production was in some way cut off +and destroyed, the whole human race would ultimately demand more food +supply than could possibly be produced; and so, in due course of time, +the whole race would perish from starvation! + +Then he proceeded to reason that the purpose of disease, plague, +pestilence, famine, poverty and warfare was to cut off and destroy +the _surplus_ of humanity, and hence all these alleged evils were +in reality blessings in disguise, and that _it would be wrong to +interfere_ with their really beneficent workings! Volumes could be +written, and they could not tell the half of the misery and evil that +the promulgation of this doctrine has done for the civilized world, +but there is no space here for giving any such details; nor need this +be done, though the statement of the doctrine had to be made to make +ready for what is to follow. + +Now, is it not far more reasonable to suppose that, _since the +possibility of determining the number of off-spring a husband and wife +may produce has been given them_; that since such result can be, for +them, made a matter of _choice_, of an _exercise of the will_, and +not of _blind instinct_--under these circumstances, all of which +undoubtedly exist, is it not far more reasonable to believe that it is +the _purpose of the Creator_ that the limiting of the number of human +beings in the world should be brought about by _curbing the birth +rate_, rather than by _killing the surplus_ after they are born! + +There can be but one answer made to this question, by any intelligent +man or woman. + +These facts, then, establish the _rightfulness of determining the +number and size of a family by every husband and wife_. But this does +not mean that they are to entirely refrain from cohabiting, in order +to keep from having children! This phase of the argument has already +been gone over and disposed of. But it _does_ mean that husbands and +wives have a right to use such rightful means for the limiting of the +number of offspring as are conducive to the interests of all parties +concerned--themselves, their circumstances, the born or unborn +children, the state, the nation. Let the bride and groom be well +convinced and established in their own minds on these points, as +early in their relation as possible. They should be so from the very +outset--_must_ be so, to reach the best results. + +The issue then presents itself: How can such deliberate and wilful +determination of the number of children a husband and wife may have, +be brought about? + +And the answer is, that _it can never be accomplished by careless and +hap-hazard cohabiting!_ On the contrary, it can only be compassed by +the most _careful_ and _watchful_ processes of engaging in coitus, and +by a _full knowledge_ of physiological facts, and by acting, _always_, +in accordance with the same. It is no road for careless travel, but it +is a way worth going in, for all that. + +On this point, let it be said that all sane and intelligent men and +women agree that anything even approaching _infanticide_ is nothing +short of a crime, and that abortion, except for the purpose of saving +the life of the mother, is practically murder. + +But, while this is all true, to prevent the contact of two germs +which, if permitted to unite, would be liable to result in a living +human form, is _quite another affair_. + +It is only this aspect of the situation which will be considered in +what follows. + +Now, as has already been shown, the essentials for conception consist +of having the ovum present in the womb, and its meeting the semen +there. The corollary of this is, that whenever these coincidences take +place, there is a _possibility_ for conception. + +But in all _normal_ cases, the ovum only passes into the womb once in +every twenty-eight days; and, as a rule, it only remains in the womb +for about half that period of time, that is, for about 14 or 15 days +in each month. And so, since the menstrual flow ceases after about +five days from its beginning, in about ten days _after_ its stopping, +the ovum will have passed out of the womb, and hence that organ +contains nothing that is impregnable. Under these conditions, semen +may be deposited in the womb, without danger of impregnation. This is +a simple proposition, and easy to understand if once known. + +However, it must be said that these _generally_ common conditions _do +not always obtain_--that is, they are _not_ true in the case of _all_ +women. There are women who will conceive at _any_ time in the month, +if they are given a chance to do so. The physiological reason for such +possibility is said to be this: There are always ova in the ovaries, +in varying stages of development. Ordinarily, only once a month do any +of these pass down into the womb; but, in exceptional cases, sometimes +these ova are so partially held in the ovaries that, under the +excitement of coitus, and because all these parts dilate so much +during the act, an ovum may slip its moorings, under such conditions, +pass down into the uterus at an untimely season, meet the semen there, +and pregnancy result. Such are the facts _in some cases_. + +How, then, can a husband and wife tell how it is, or will be, in +_their_ particular case? + +The answer is that they can only tell by trying, and that should be +done as follows: + +The _first_ sexual meeting of the bride and groom should _never_ take +place until at least _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow +in the bride! This is a rule that should never be violated_ if the +parties wish to "_test out_" the real condition as to whether or not +the bride has any "free time." The chances are several to one that she +_has_ such leeway; but the fact can only be established by "proving +up" and this can _never_ be done if any _chances_ are taken. Put this +down as rule number one. + +For this reason, it is well for the bride to fix the wedding day; and, +if possible, for her to locate it sometime during the probably immune +period. And the nearer she can bring this day to the _beginning_ of +such period of freedom from danger of pregnancy, the better. For, if +it should happen that the first coitus should take place only a +_day or two before_ the time when another "monthly" was due, such +excitement might hasten the passage of the nearly-ripe ovum into the +uterus, and conception might occur. In which case, "all the fat would +be in the fire," nothing would be proved, and the parties would be as +ignorant as ever regarding the facts in _their_ case. + +And so, the _first_ sexual meeting of a bride and bridegroom should be +not _earlier_ than _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow +and not later than three days before the next monthly is due. Put +that_ _down as rule number two, never to be violated._ + +And if marriage takes place before this period of probable immunity +on the part of the bride arrives, the only safe thing to do is to +"patiently wait" till such time arrives. This may "require fortitude" +on the part of both parties, but it is the only safe thing to do. And +to do just that, will amply repay such waiting. The writer knows of a +case where the wedding took place just three days before the bride's +next monthly was due, and she and her husband waited for more than +_two weeks_ before they met sexually! But it paid to wait, for their +doing so proved that the bride had _two weeks_ of "_free time_" in +_each month, and this was worth all it cost to find out! Take time!_ + +And now let it be added that it is a great accomplishment for a +husband and wife to be free from a fear of pregnancy as a result of +coitus. This is a thousand times truer for the woman than for the man, +for it is she who has to bear the burden of what follows, if following +there be. The husband can "do the deed" and go about his business. The +wife, if "the fertile seed" takes root, has before her months of care +and anxiety, and she risks her very life in what may come of it all. +For these reasons, she has a _right to dictate all the terms_ which +are liable to cause her to become a mother. _And yet she should +do this with full regard for the husband, in love, in true +wifely-womanhood._ On this point, do not fail to read "The Helpmate," +by May Sinclair. It is a story that no bride and bridegroom should +fail to read and study, carefully. + +The whole subject of how to engage in satisfactory coitus and avoid +pregnancy may be summed up as follows:--The attainment of such +a condition is well worth the most careful, earnest and honestly +pains-taking endeavor. For, if such status be not reached, its lack +will be a source of endless contentions and differences between the +husband and wife. It will lead to jealousies, quarrels, and all sorts +of marital woes. But, the situation once mastered, by the most loving +and accurate of scientific methods of procedure, a happy married life +is certain to result. Otherwise, the "married state" will always be +in a condition of "unstable equilibrium." So let every bride and +bridegroom begin, _from the first_, to try to establish the greatly to +be desired accomplishment. If anything further on this point should be +desired, consult a reliable physician. + + + + +VIII + +THE ART OF LOVE + + +And still there is more to be said! Is it not written that "Art is +long!" _And the Art of Love is the longest of all arts, and the most +difficult of all for its complete mastery and attainment!_ + +It is a matter of misfortune, and yet one of not infrequent +occurrence, that the sex organs of husband and wife are _not well +matched_; and that trouble, sometimes of a most serious nature, +results. When this condition is found to exist, it should be treated +sanely and wisely, and the chances are many to one that the difficulty +can be overcome, to the full satisfaction of both parties concerned. + +In such cases, the mis-matching usually arises from the fact that the +penis of the husband is too long for the vagina of the wife. This is +very apt to be the case where the wife is of the "dumpy" sort, with a +small mouth and short fingers, while the husband is "gangling," large +mouthed and long fingered. These are facts that ought to be taken +into account before marriage, and which should figure in determining +whether the parties are "suited" to each other. They _would_ be +regarded in this way, too, if they were generally known, as they most +surely are not. Here is another place where ignorance and "innocence" +get in their work, and make trouble in married life! + +In such a case as this, the too-long penis, when fully inserted in the +too-short vagina, and especially when, at the orgasm, the two organs +are crowded together vigorously, as the impulse of both parties +demands they should be at this part of the act, the end of the penis +is driven against the rear walls of the vagina, often furiously, thus +stretching and straining the vaginal passage longitudinally, pressing +against the womb unnaturally, and not infrequently pushing it out +of place and sometimes rupturing the uterine tract seriously, hence +causing all sorts of unfortunate and greatly-to-be-regretted results. + +Because of such danger, the first meeting of the husband and wife +should be accomplished with the utmost care, especially in the +_second_ part of the act, the first putting together of the organs. +This is the only way of determining, in each case, how the organs will +"fit," and happy are the parties thereto if such fit is found to be +perfect! + +But if it should turn out that there is a mismatching, of the nature +just described, the conditions can be adjusted if the right means are +used. + +(Before telling this, however, it should be stated that the relative +size of the sex organs can never be fully judged of by the size of the +body of a man or a woman. Many a small man has an abnormally large +and long penis, and many a little woman has a large vulva and a long +vagina; and the reverse of all this is true, in the case of many men +and women. These items in the count are among the things that can +never be known with certainty except by actual trial, and this is not +possible, as things are now.) + +And so, if "mis-matching" is found to exist, in any given case, it can +be provided for, in most cases as follows: + +Instead of taking the position for coitus which has already been +described--the woman on her back and the man over and above her--let +_this_ be done: Let the man lie on his left side, or partly on his +left side and partly on his back, facing the woman, his left leg drawn +up so that the thigh makes an angle of 45 degrees with the body, and +the knee bent at about the same angle. Now let her, lying on her right +side, mount into his arms, in this way: Let her place her right hip in +the angle made by her husband's left thigh and his body, so that _his +left leg_ supports _her hips_, by being under them; put her right leg +between his legs, throw her left leg over his right leg, put her right +arm around his neck, and her left arm should be placed across his body +under his right arm. His left arm should be placed around her waist +from below, and his right arm left free to move over her body, as +he may choose. Now in _this_ position, the man's hips make a sort of +saddle into which the woman "vaults" easily, naturally, and with the +greatest of comfort; while the man, with his whole body supported by +the bed, as he lies, will be perfectly comfortable, and can maintain +the position much longer, without tiring, than he could were he over +and above the woman, supporting himself by his elbows and knees, and +with the woman's arms around his waist, lifting her body thereby, and +thus adding her weight to his, all to be sustained by him. A moment's +consideration will disclose the fact that this position has many +points in its favor, beyond that of the man-superior form. The woman, +in this position, is not wholly superior, but she is partly on her +right side and partly on her belly. Her whole weight rests on her +husband's body, but her weight does not tire him, as the bed below him +easily supports them both. + +Now, in this position, the sex organs are brought closely together and +their union is easily accomplished. But see! It is _now_ the _woman_, +and not the _man_ who has _full control_ of such meeting, and so can +regulate it to _her liking_, or _needs_. Her hips are perfectly free +to move towards, or from, those of the man; and so _she can determine +just how much or how little of his penis shall enter her vagina!_ And +if his penis is too long for her, she can accommodate her action to +such fact! + +As for the man, his satisfaction will be fully equal to, if not +greater than it would be were he in the other position. The ease +afforded to his body, and the fact that he need have no fear of +hurting the woman, these things will be a delight to him, that is of +real value, and which will make for his delectation as much as for +that of the woman in his arms. The in-and-out motion is as easily +performed in this position as in the other; and at the climax, the +organs can be crowded together passionately, and still without hurting +the woman. For she, being free to move, can so curve her hips that +the pelvic bone, the _mons veneris_, as it is technically called, will +receive the most of the pressure, and at the same time the angle which +is thus made by the relative positions of the vagina and the penis +will keep the latter from penetrating the vagina too far, and so +will protect its rear walls and the womb from all danger of harm. The +orgasm is just as perfect in this position as in the other. It is just +as _natural_ as the other position, and has only to be tried to be +proved worthy. + +And now one other point. (Curious how these details protract +themselves. But there is no help for it. We must continue, now that we +have begun.) + +A very frequent cause of married unsatisfaction is the fact of the +_difference of time_ that it takes for the husband and wife to come to +the climax, the orgasm. As has already been noted, the highest delight +in the act comes when this climax is simultaneous, comes at exactly +the same instant to both parties. But to bring this about is not easy +in all cases, and hence what follows: + +As a rule, women are slower in reaching the orgasm than are men. This +is not always so, but it is generally the case. Some wives are so +passionate that they will "spend" several times to their husbands' +once! The author knows of a case where the wife will regularly +experience the orgasm four or five times to her husband's once. She is +a lovely wife and a highly accomplished woman, in no sense "fleshy" or +"worldly minded." The situation is that her sex organs are exceedingly +sensitive while those of her husband are the reverse, they are "timed" +differently, that is all. The case is rare, and as a rule, women are +"timed" slower than men. + +Again, after a man has passed the orgasm it is, in most cases, +impossible for him to continue the act, right then and there, and +bring the woman to the climax, if she has not yet arrived, from the +fact that, with the expulsion of the semen, usually detumescence of +the penis at once takes place, and the organ is incapable of exciting +the woman when in this condition. And so, if the husband "goes off" +_first_, there is no possibility of the wife's reaching the climax +at that embrace. This leaves her unsatisfied, all her sex organs +congested, and the whole situation is unsatisfactory, in the extreme. +On the other hand, if the wife comes to the orgasm first, her vulva +and vagina detumesce but little and that very slowly, so that it is +perfectly possible for the husband to continue his action, and come to +the climax, even if his partner has already "spent." + +Under these conditions it is easy to see that, where the wife is +"keyed" or "timed" much slower than her husband, as is quite often +the case, coitus is very liable to be a very one-sided affair, one in +which the _husband gets all the satisfaction, and the wife little or_ +NONE--_a most unfortunate status for both parties, but especially for +the wife._ The writer once knew a case where a husband and wife lived +together to celebrate their golden wedding, and the wife never once +experienced an orgasm, though the husband cohabited with her several +times a month, during the most of their married life. There was no +good reason why this should have been so, only that the husband was +"quick in action" and the wife somewhat slow, and they had never +synchronated their time differences. The dear old lady died at ninety, +never having known a joy that, since her bridal night, she had wished +for. Both the husband and wife were most excellent people. _They +simply didn't know!_ One was ignorant and the other innocent, and +there you are again! + +Now the thing to do, under such circumstances, is for the parties +to "get together." And the way to do this is, first, to _prolong the +FIRST part_ of the act, till the wife has not only caught up with, but +is even _ahead_ of her husband in the state of her passion. To bring +about this condition, _the husband should use every means to stimulate +his wife's sex-nature and increase her desire for coition._ Here are +some things he can do, which will tend to produce such results: + +A woman's breasts are directly connected with all her reproductive +nerves. This is especially true of her nipples. To touch them is to +directly excite all of her sex organs. The lips and tongue are also +thus nervously connected with these vital parts, and, so, if the +husband will "play" with his wife's breasts, especially with her +nipples, manipulating them with his fingers, or, better still, with +his lips and tongue--at the same time, if he will stroke her vulva +with his fingers, especially the clitoris, _and if she will encourage +him to do this_, by holding her breast with one hand, shaking it about +as her nipple is in her lover's lips; if, lying flat on her back, her +husband at her right side, and with his left arm around her waist, she +will spread her legs wide apart, thus opening the vulva to its utmost, +and sway her hips, raising and lowering them betimes; and, since she +has a free hand, if, with this, she will take her husband's penis with +it and "play" with it as her lover plays with her vulva--if they will +do this, the cases are rare in which passion will not grow in the wife +to almost any desirable extent. Under such "courting," the parts will +all enlarge, the pre-coital secretion will flow in abundance; and, +in due course, all will be ready for the second part of the act. This +part of coitus is, really, one of the most enjoyable of the entire +performance. + +If, perchance, the pre-coital secretion should be tardy in appearing +on the part of the wife, so that the vulva is dry as the husband +strokes it, let him moisten the part with saliva from his mouth. To do +this, let him moisten his _fingers_ from his mouth, and transfer this +to the vulva, and then proceed with his stroking. This moistening the +vulva with saliva may be repeated _several_ times, _if necessary_, +always until the flow of pre-coital fluid from the parts themselves +renders any further moistening needless. _The stroking of the dry +vulva will do little toward the arousing of passion, or producing the +pre-coital flow_. But if the parts be moistened, as above directed, +both these desired results will follow, except in _very_ rare cases. + +And let no one make the mistake of thinking that thus moistening the +vulva with saliva is unseemly, or unsanitary. It is neither. On the +contrary, it is nature's way of helping to perfection an act which, +but for such timely assistance, might never be brought to a successful +issue. As has already been noted, chemically, saliva and the +pre-coital fluid are almost identical. They are both a natural +secretion of a mucous membrane, are alkaline in reaction, their native +purpose is lubrication, and, as a matter of fact, the saliva is +as natural an application to the lips of the vulva as it is to the +interior of the mouth or throat. Truth to tell, the practice of +applying saliva to the genitals before coition is very general, +so much so that it might almost be counted as instinctive. It is +mentioned here only to remove any prejudice that might linger in the +sophisticated mind of the reader. Such use of saliva is no more to +be deprecated than its application in a hundred other ways, such as +moistening the fingers to turn a leaf, of "licking" one's fingers +after eating candy. Such use of this fluid from the mouth might be +condemned by the "over-nice," but it is quite universally practiced, +and it is neither unwholesome nor unsanitary. + +It is sometimes recommended that some form of oil, as sweet oil +or vaseline, be used as an unguent for anointing the parts before +engaging in coitus, but this practice cannot be recommended. Oil +is not a natural product of the parts to which it is applied, it is +chemically unlike their secretions, and to smear the delicate organs +with a fluid that is foreign to their nature, is unwise, unsanitary, +not to say filthy. It is like greasing the mouth to make food slip +down easily. And it is easy to understand how such application of +an unguent to the mouth would impair the taste, dull the nerves of +sensation, and greatly interfere with the native and wholesome uses of +the oral cavity. + +So don't be afraid or ashamed to use saliva in preparing the vulva and +the vagina for the reception of their natural mate. + +And so, to return to where we left off, if the wife is slower +timed than her husband, her passion can be greatly increased by the +manipulation just described. Indeed, it could be very easily carried +to such length--the lips and tongue playing with the nipple, and the +finger-stroking of the vulva--that the woman could be brought to +an orgasm without the union of the organs at all! This is a form of +masturbation (this word has a bad meaning attached to it, but it is a +good word, as will shortly be shown, and it has its legitimate uses; +but, as a preparation for coition, it should not be carried any +further than is essential for bringing the laggard passion of the +woman up to an equal tension of that of her lover.) A few weeks', or +months', practice will enable a wife to determine just how much +of this form of "courting" will bring her to the desired point of +excitement; and, when this point is reached, she should invite her +husband to "come up over," if the first position is to be adopted for +the rest of the act; or, she should throw herself into her lover's +arms, if the second position is used. + +Just a little more--If, after getting into one position or the other, +it seems to the wife that she is not yet fairly abreast of her husband +in the intensity of her passion, let her _still further_ seek to +advance it, as follows: + +If the position with the husband superior is taken, let him, after he +has gotten into place and before the organs are united, have his wife +take his penis in her hand, and, as he moves his hips up and down, +stroke her vulva, especially the clitoris, with the glans penis--not +entering the vagina at once, but continuing this form of _exterior_ +contact of the organs, for a longer or shorter time--slipping past the +wide open vaginal mouth, even when the wife raises her thighs and, +as it were, begs for an entrance; tantalizing her to the point of +distraction--till, finally, she will "take no for an answer" no +longer, but will, in an ecstacy, slip the penis into the vagina, and +thus consummate their union. + +If she be far enough abandoned with her passion, such entrance may be +made at a single stroke, not to say a furious plunge. But if the vulva +and vagina are not yet fully dilated, the entrance should be carefully +made, gently made, as she can bear it, as _she_ wishes it to be. + +Sometimes, yes, not infrequently, in this position, the external +stroking of the organs may be continued to the very verge of the +orgasm, so that, especially if the entrance can be made, as it were, +in a frenzy of passionate delight, the organs coming into full length +union at a single impulse, or rushing together--then the simultaneous +climax _may_ be reached with one or two in-and-out motions--or, +perhaps the single master-plunge may win the goal instanter! If so, a +consummation devoutly to be wished has been successfully reached! + +Again, if the wife is slow, and the man is quick, in this play for +"getting together," it will enable the man to greatly extend and +protract what might be called the time of his possible _retention_, +if he can keep the foreskin over the glans penis. Some men cannot do +this. If they have been circumcised, of course they cannot! But if the +glans penis can be covered with the foreskin during all this playing +together, it will enable the husband to prolong his "retentional +time" far beyond what he otherwise could. Some men have the power of +"retaining" to almost any length of time by the exercise of their will +power, and so they can _wait_ for their wives. If the wife is slower +timed than the husband, he should _carefully cultivate the "art of +retaining"_ and so wait for her. _To do this successfully will greatly +increase married happiness_. + +This same remark (keeping the gland covered) applies with equal force +to the possibilities of the man's retention after the organs are +united, and all through the third part of the act. If the penis can +enter the vagina with its "natural cap on," the husband can give his +wife the pleasure of many times the amount of in-and-out motion than +he could otherwise bestow upon her. And if the wife is the slower of +the two (as is generally the case) she will greatly appreciate such a +favor, and will repay it a THOUSAND FOLD by the responsive, reciprocal +motions which she will LAVISH upon her _considerate_ lover. + +This is an item of almost supreme importance--this "keeping the +cap on" the penis, during the act, _if the wife is slower than the +husband_--if they need to have a care, to insure their "getting off +together." + +And here is a curious fact, which would seem to show that Mother +Nature has especially provided a blissful reward for both the husband +and wife who will be careful on this point. Thus, if the husband will +be careful to have the glans penis covered with the foreskin (and, of +course, this can _never_ be, if the organs are united when the vulva +and vagina are dry) when it enters the vagina, and will so engage in +the in-and-out motion that it will _stay covered_ as the _third_ act +progresses--if this is done, when the climax comes, if the two +"spend together," the womb will open its mouth as it were, clasp +the foreskin, slip it back over the gland so that, when the supreme +instant comes, the naked gland will be in the most direct and blissful +contact with the most sensitive part of the uterus! This is a most +wonderful provision of nature, and to utilize it, and enjoy it to its +utmost, is the maximum of human delight! + +Again, if after the organs are well together, in the man-superior +position, and the in-and-out motion has begun, it should be found +that the wife is still behind in the game, she can gain greatly in +"catching up" if she is permitted to _originate_ the larger part of +the motion. To enable her to do this, let her husband hold his body +quite well above her, so that she can have plenty of freedom to move +her hips as she may choose to. Added to this, if the husband will, in +large measure, "hold still," and keep his penis in such position that +it presses against the _upper part_ of the vulva, that is against the +clitoris, (as the phrase goes, if he will "ride high") and then permit +his _wife_ to make "long strokes," sliding the organs together for +their full possible length, with the clitoris in constant contact with +the penis, during the whole of each stroke--all of this will greatly +and rapidly increase her passions and bring her to the climax. + +Or, as a variation from this, if the organs can be united to their +fullest possible limit, so that the base of the penis presses firmly +against the Mons Veneris, and the clitoris and labiae almost clasp +their mate; and then, in this position, if the husband will maintain +the _status quo_, while she lifts her hips hard against his, and +_swings them about_, in a sort of circular motion "round and round," +as it were--this will also greatly increase her passion, and soon +bring her to the climax. + +In both these last described ways of courting, the husband should be +_extra careful not_ to permit the weight of his body to press down +heavily upon his wife. He should _wholly_ sustain himself on his +elbows and knees, and permit her to lift herself, at least her hips, +by the help of her arms around his waist. This is no hardship for the +husband, if he be a true lover. For is he not strong, and what is his +strength for but to delight his sweetheart? _A true, devoted, virile +and manly lover is always at the service of his sweetheart! To delight +her, is to doubly delight himself_. This is another point of which +mere animals know nothing. There is nothing in all their nature which +responds to the like of this, in any way. The whole experience is +_human_; it is productive of a joy, of a _spiritual elevation_, which +mere animality knows nothing of--can know nothing of. + +Playing thus together, courting each other thus (For, through all +these actions, a line of _complete mutualness must run_! The husband +may _seem_ to be specially accommodating himself, and all he does, to +his wife's whims or necessities; but, even so, this will be more of +a delight to _him_ than it is to _her_, viewed from the _spiritual +plane_, on the principle that "it is more blessed to give than to +receive"--and no truer words than these were ever spoken--while, +at the same time, the wife, though _seeming_ only to be gratifying +herself, to be reaching after what she alone desires, yet, as a matter +of fact, by her very so doing--and the more perfectly, completely, she +does this, the better--she is gratifying and delighting her husband to +the utmost possible limit) courting each other thus, the lovers will +learn to "time" themselves together, perfectly, each knowing just when +the other is fully ready, by a sort of _spiritual consciousness_, as +it were, and so a perfect climax can be reached. + +Take time, LET LOVE RULE AND DIRECT; BANISH ALL SELFISHNESS; _Let the +husband keep his head, and_ THE WIFE UTTERLY LOSE HERS, throwing it +to the winds, to be wholly swept away by the whirlwind of her passion; +feeling free, delighting, to let it go, go, go, no one cares where! +Do these things, and married life will be glorious! Of such is the +kingdom of heaven, for the truly wedded lovers! + +This will be "all Greek," or "foolishness" to the selfish and +materially-minded; but to the truly wise, it will be _life +immeasurable_. This is a paradox, but it takes a paradox to tell the +greatest truths! + +So much for the act of coitus in the man-superior position, when the +wife is slower timed than the husband and they adopt this method, +and the accompanying means for "getting together." Now, if the other +position is taken, that of the wife semi-superior, in the husband's +arms, as he lies partly on his back and partly on his left side, etc., +here are a few points to be noted to advantage. + +Still assuming that the wife is the slower-timed of the two, it is +entirely possible that when she has "come over" and has gotten into +position, that she may not yet be fully ready for the union of the +organs. The very time that it takes for her to get into position, the +changing of the position of her body, from her back to her right side; +the temporary cessation of the stroking of the vulva by her husbands's +[sic] fingers; all these things will have a tendency to retard her +passion, for the time being, and all this loss ought to be made good, +if not added to, before the _second_ part of the act is entered upon. +And, in this position, all this can most happily be brought about, as +follows:-- + +Lying in each other's arms, in this _second_ described position, the +organs naturally _come_ into contact in such a way as to make the +further excitation of the vulva and clitoris most natural and easy. +The spreading of the wife's hips, caused by her throwing her left leg +over her husband's right and drawing up of her left knee, opens the +vulva wide; and, at the same time, the penis, from the very nature +of its position, will lie at full length in the opening, thus +exposed--not entering the vagina, but remaining "without the gate" as +yet. + +By this time the vulva will have become enlarged and elongated, the +lips full and the clitoris erect, all in a state of tumescence, and +all covered with the pre-coital fluid; the lips so distended that, +when thus parted, they form the sides of a labial canal, as it were (a +delectable, and most delicately smooth-walled channel). Now, in this +extended condition, which is fully as long as the penis, from end +to end of its pathway of dalliance, every part covered with the most +delicately sensitive nerve-filaments, and all of these in an ecstasy +of keenness to the sense of touch, and in the most perfect of "love's +strolling way,"--if the penis, as it were, stands up full and strong, +in such fashion that it touches the vulva at every point, both inner +and outer labiae, the clitoris and all, for a space of five or six +inches in length; while the protruded and well-moistened lips of the +vulva as it were reach out, and clasp themselves at least half way +around their suitor, laving him with their luscious kisses--in this +position, the wife being partly above, and so, perfectly free to move +her "love way" as she will, she can slide the pathway itself a full +six or more inches, up and down, stroking all the area against the +penis as she moves; that, again, by its very position, being held +firmly in contact by its stiffness and stoutness; the glans penis +throbbing lustily against the clitoris when the two meet at the +extreme of the wife's up-stroke; she, pausing an instant, just then, +to more perfectly enjoy the sensation; the penis slipping past the +now wide open vaginal mouth, which reaches out at every down stroke to +engulf it--dallying, delaying, coquetting, tantalizing, both man and +woman; playing the game in almost a swoon of ecstatic delight--under +such conditions the wife's passion will rush to its fullest +development, till, when she will, she can drop her vagina upon the +penis in such a way that the _two will be made one_, in absolute +perfection, on a single move, and from this to the finish it is but a +few motions distant. + +In some respects this manner of coitus, and this means of "going off +together" is unsurpassed. + +Which leads to the remark that this position is sometimes the best for +the full completion of the act. It is the easiest of all positions, +the least fatiguing. And if the wife is tired, or not quite "up to +grade," she can enjoy an embrace of this sort without fatigue, even +to the full. For the organs can be united in this position quite +perfectly, though the penis will not penetrate the vagina to as great +a length as in the other position. Still, the climax can be perfectly +reached in this way, and it is one of the best ways to make sure of +perfect "timing," of "spending" exactly together, which is greatly in +its favor. + +If there is a mis-matching of the organs, the vagina of the wife being +too short for her husband's penis, this is a most excellent way for +meeting and overcoming that difficulty. + +This naturally leads to another matter, as follows:--It might seem +to the reader that the different "strokings" of the vulva, with the +fingers, or the penis, all the contact being outside the vagina, that +all of these methods of excitation smack of masturbation, and so are +of doubtful rightness. In reply to which, note the following: + +The entire affair of coition, in humanity, has already been shown +to be something wholly above and beyond mere animality. It is the +exercise of functions that belong _only to mankind_, and hence is +not amenable to _any_ merely _animal_ laws or restrictions! It is the +source of numberless human joys, and _any_ method of engaging in +the act of mutual delight, that is, of _mutually happifying_, is +legitimate and _altogether right_. And so, if the parties choose to +increase their mutual delight, if the husband wishes to arouse +and intensify his wife's passion by stroking her vulva with his +saliva-moistened fingers, and _she wishes him to do so_, such act is +as right and as wholesome as is coitus in the by-some-supposed-to-be +_only_ way of its exercise. Let this never be doubted. + +The fact is, this whole matter of sexual excitation by means of the +hand, or in other ways than the union of the organs, has received +a black eye at the hands of would be purists, which it in no way +deserves. As already noted, the word masturbation has been fastened to +such acts, and then, any and every form of it has been condemned far +beyond what the facts warrant, till the minds of the rank and file are +wholly misled in the premises! When one looks at the situation from +the point of view which insists that _all_ the sex functions should be +under the control of the _will_, then light is thrown upon the +entire subject. Seen in this way, _any_ form of sex stimulation, or +auto-erotism even (auto-erotism means _self_ sex-excitation) which is +NOT CARRIED TO EXCESS, is _right_ and _wholesome_! But we have been +taught the contrary of this for so long that it is difficult for us to +realize that it is true. _But it is_! + +Hence, if it should sometimes happen that the husband should arrive +at the climax before the wife does, and he could not bring her to +an orgasm by excitation with his spent penis, it would be _perfectly +right for him to substitute his fingers, and satisfy her in that way_. +Of course, this would not be as satisfying to her as it would have +been could she have met him simultaneously, but it is _far better than +for her not to be entirely gratified! Many a woman_ SUFFERS ALL NIGHT +LONG _with unsatisfied desire, her organs congested and tumescent, +because she has been left_ UNSATISFIED _by a husband who has spent +before she was ready_, AND THEN LEFT HER! Such cases might be +_entirely relieved_, if the parties _knew the truth_, and were not too +_ignorant_, or _prejudiced_, or _ashamed_ to do what should be done to +make the best of a situation. + +Of course, no husband should make a _practice_ of gratifying himself +fully, and then bringing his wife to the climax with his fingers. Such +a practice would be _selfish_ and _wrong_. But as an _emergency_ way +of escape, the method is to be commended. + +Of course, as has already been explained, the husband always has the +advantage, that he can be brought to the orgasm by the insertion of +the penis into the vagina, _after_ his wife has spent, if she +arrives first, since her organs detumesce slowly, and their distended +condition permits such action on his part, for some time after she has +passed the climax. But not so with the husband. Once spent, his penis +shrinks to limpness, almost immediately, and in this condition it +cannot satisfy the wife in the least, much less bring her to an +orgasm. + +Again, if, for any reason, the wife should be unable to meet her +husband in coitus proper, because of weakness, or slight illness, +or perhaps some temporary soreness of the parts, it would help the +situation wonderfully if _she_ would take _his_ penis in _her_ hand +and "play with it" till he _spent_. He would love her for it, kiss her +for it, give her his soul for it! + +_If a bride and bridegroom knew enough to introduce each other to the +delights of an orgasm by "spending" each other by external excitation +of the organs with their hands a few times before they united the +organs at all, it would be to their lasting well being. This is +especially true for the bride_. If her lover would take her in his +arms, even with all her clothes on, as she sat on his lap, in their +bridal chamber, alone, and stroke her vulva till she "_spent,_" the +chances are many to one that he would have introduced her to such a +joy that she would never forget it, all her life. Surely, such method +is _infinitely superior_ to _raping_ a bride, as is so frequently +done by the ignorant or goody-good young husband, who "stands upon his +_rights_!" + +Indeed, if a bride to be, who was so innocent or ignorant of her own +sex possibilities that she had never experienced an orgasm--had never +"spent"--could be "put wise" before her bridal-night, if she could be +instructed enough to lead her to engage in some form of auto-erotism, +bringing herself to an orgasm with her own hand, _just for the sake +of the experience it would give her, and so that she would have some +clear idea of what she really wanted, before she went into the arms +of her lover--if she could do this, in the right mental attitude, it +would be greatly to her well-being, a worthy and valuable addition to +her stock of knowledge of herself and of the powers that are latent +within her. Her alleged loss of innocence by such act would be as +nothing compared with the wisdom she would gain by the experience. +When innocence leads to harmful results, it is time it was ended, and +that knowledge takes its place!_ + +As for the husband, the chances are not one in a million that he will +be ignorant of what an orgasm is like before he marries, since all +healthy young men "spend" at least once a week, automatically, if not +otherwise! + +Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may be +practiced by both men and women, to their healthful benefit, when +sexual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is only when +_carried to excess_ that such action is in any way harmful. The only +danger is, that, the individual being alone and having all the means +for self-gratification in his or her own hands, so to speak, it is +quite possible to indulge in the action too freely, which, of +course, leads to bad results. _But the act itself is not bad._ On the +contrary, when kept within bounds, it is healthful and wholesome. + +There are many unmarried women, maiden ladies, and especially widows, +who would greatly improve their health if they practiced some form of +auto-erotism, occasionally. When husbands and wives are forced to +be much away from each other, it is right for them to occasionally +satisfy themselves in this way, their souls filled with loving +thoughts of the absent one the while. + +There is any amount of nonsense current about auto-erotism. As a +matter of fact, all boys masturbate, and many girls also. Some +authors claim that more than half of all women engage in some form +of auto-erotism, at some time in their lives, and the estimate is +probably too low rather than too high. But, unless they carry the act +to excess, they are guilty of no wrong. Not infrequently, they may +make the act a means of great good to themselves. _The sex organs are +alive! They constantly secrete fluids that need to be excreted, as +all other organs of the body do. They ought to be relieved, as their +nature requires they should be._ If this cannot be accomplished as +the most natural way prescribes, it is only right to do the next best +thing. Only, it should not be carried to excess. Be temperate in all +things. Gratify yourself, but don't ABUSE yourself. Auto-erotism, or +masturbation, should never be permitted to become "self-abuse," nor +is there any need that it should ever do so. It should be +self-upbuilding, not self degrading. Rightly used it can be thus. + + + + +IX + +COITUS RESERVATUS + + +This brings us to another item in the matter of sexual exercise on the +part of the husband and wife, as follows:-- + +It should be the constant aim and endeavor of both parties to +continually lift all sex affairs above the plane of animality, mere +physical gratification, into the realm of _mental_ and _spiritual_ +delight. To this end, let it be said at once that such a condition can +be reached, in the greatest degree, by the practice of what is known, +in scientific terms, as "_coitus reservatus,"_ which, translated, +means going only _part_ of the way in the act, and not carrying it to +its climax, the orgasm. Described in terms with which the reader is +now familiar, it means, carrying the act only through the first and +second stages, the "courting" stage, and the union of the organs, and +stopping there! This may seem, at first thought, neither right nor +wise, but, as a matter of fact, it is both, as thousands of most +happily married people have proved. + +Going a bit into details, this act of "reservatus" really unites the +first two parts of the act into a common whole, making it simply one +continuous piece of "courting," merely that, and nothing more. It +is almost entirely a _mental and spiritual love-embrace; and in its +perfection, it exalts the husband and wife to the topmost heights of +mental and spiritual enjoyment and expression_. + +To engage in this form of coitus, _not nearly_ the effort should be +made to arouse the sexual passions of either of the parties, as has +already been described as fitting for complete coitus. _The orgasm +is not the desideratum in this case, but it is just a delightful +expression of mutual love. It is a sort of prolonged and all-embracing +kiss, in which the sex organs are included as well as the lips. They_ +kiss each other, as the _lips_ kiss each other. It is "courting," par +excellence, without the hampering of clothes or conventionality of any +kind. + +In this act, the lovers simply _drift_, petting each other, chatting +with each other, visiting, loving, caressing in any one or all of a +thousand ways. The hands "wander idly over the body," the husband's +right hand being specially free and in perfect position to stroke his +wife's back, her hips, her legs, and pet her from top to toe. + +As this part of the act continues, it is the most natural thing in the +world that the sex organs should tumesce, and that there should be +a flow of both prostatic and pre-coital fluids. That is, the organs +quietly and naturally make themselves ready for meeting. And when they +are duly tumescent, are properly enlarged and lubricated, let the wife +come over into her lover's arms, IN THE SECOND POSITION described, and +the organs be slipped together easily, delightfully, and then, _let +them stay so_, fully together, _but do not go on with the third part +of the act_, the motion of the organs. Just lie still and enjoy the +embrace, kiss, chat, court, love, dream, enjoy! + +This union can be protracted to almost any length, after the lovers +learn how to do it. Sometimes the organs may be together only a few +minutes, sometimes for an hour, or even longer. If the parties get +tired, or sleepy, part the organs, kiss good-night, and go to sleep. +Although it is not at all uncommon for such lovers, who have fully +learned this art, to go to sleep thus, in each other's arms, their sex +organs united; and, in this position, have the organs detumesce, the +penis grow limp and slip out of the vagina of its own accord, while +the vagina also grows small and the clitoris subsides. This experience +is most delightful and if once experienced, once well mastered by the +husband and wife, it will continually grow in favor, to their mutual +benefit. + +This method is of special service during the "unfree time." If rightly +used, it will not tend to increase the desire for "spending," but +it will, on the contrary, allay and satisfy the sexual desires, most +perfectly. If, while learning how, sometimes the inexperienced should +"get run away with," and feel that it is better to go on and have the +climax, all right. But, as time goes on, the practice of carrying the +act only to the end of the _second_ part, will grow, and in due time +be well established. Those who have mastered this wholesome and loving +art will sometimes meet in this way a score of times during a month or +so, without once coming to the climax. Such meeting can be as often +as the parties choose, and of as long, or as short duration as they +elect. It is often an excellent way, to say "good-night;" and if, +on waking in the morning, there is time before rising for a "little +court," this slipping the organs together, for "just a minute," is a +most excellent way to begin the day. The art is worth learning, and +most people can learn it, if they try, _and are of the right spirit_! + +To go back a little: In speaking of mutual masturbation on the part of +the husband and wife, this method of satisfying the sex nature is of +great value, sometimes, especially for use during the unfree time. If, +during these two weeks, the parties get "waked up," and feel the need +of sex exercise, they can satisfy each other with their hands in a way +that will be a great relief to each. This is specially true for +the husband; and a wife, who is enough of a woman to thus meet her +husband's sex-needs, with her hand, when it is not expedient for him +to meet her otherwise, is a wife to worship! + +Sometimes, during the five days of menstruation, during which time +the union of the organs is deemed not best, the wife can thus help her +lover with her hand, to their delight and benefit. _Let love direct +the way here, and all will be well_. + +And here is a curious fact: The hand of the opposite sex will produce +effects on the genitals of the other which will _not_ be produced in +any other way. Thus, a man may hold his penis in his own hand for +a given length of time, longer or shorter, and no result will be +effected, no secretion of prostate fluid be made, at all. But let his +wife take his penis in _her_ hand for the same length of time, and the +flow of prostatic fluid will at once take place. This is true whether +the penis be erect or detumescent. If the wife will hold her husband's +limp penis in her hand for but a few minutes, even though the organ +remains limp, the flow of prostatic fluid will take place! The same +is true with regard to the husband's putting his hand on his wife's +vulva. Should _she_ hold her hand there, no pre-coital fluid would be +secreted. With her husband's hand there, the flow would at once begin. + +This is a remarkable physical and psychological phenomenon, and it +is one especially worthy of note. It is this fact that makes _mutual_ +masturbation far superior to auto-erotism. A husband can thus satisfy +a wife with his fingers, or a wife her husband with her hand, far +better than either could bring himself or herself to the climax alone. +This point is of great import, in considering many of the sex acts of +husband and wife. + +As a rule, let the husband and wife do _whatever their desire prompts +or suggests, and just as they feel they would_ LIKE _to_. Only this, +let all be in moderation. _Carry nothing to excess!_ + +Which suggests the question often asked: How frequently may coitus +be engaged in? The answer is, just as often as is desired by _both +parties, but never to the point of weariness or depletion of the +physical, mental or spiritual body_. Use good sense here as elsewhere. +We eat when we are hungry, but it is wrong to gorge oneself with food. +The same rule holds with regard to sex exercise. _Satisfy the calls of +nature, but_ NEVER, _overdo the matter_. BE TEMPERATE, MANLY, WOMANLY! +_Don't be afraid or ashamed to do what your desire and your best +judgment say is right. Use common sense, and you will not go wrong_. + +And don't wear each other out, either both together, or the one the +other. Many men insist on their rights (THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS) and +greatly debilitate themselves by excess of coition with their wives. +Per contra, there are some women who wear the lives out of +their husbands by the excessive calls they make upon them for +sex-gratification. In the latter case, a man will "go to pieces" much +faster than a woman who is over-taxed. To satisfy such a woman, a man +must spend at least once every time his wife calls on him. This draws +on his vital fluids, at every embrace; but, as has been stated, there +is no escape of vital fluid from the woman, when she spends, and so +she can reach and pass the orgasm, time and again, and still not have +her vitality taxed. Indeed, in some cases, the oftener a woman spends, +the more animated, robust and healthful she becomes. In case unmatched +people meet as husband and wife, they should do their best to adjust +themselves to each other's condition, keeping always in mind the best +welfare, each of the other. + +There are records of women who delight to spend a dozen times in a +single night. One queen made a law that every man should cohabit +with his wife at least seven times each night! Of course, she was an +abnormal woman, though the author once knew a good orthodox deacon who +would have been delighted to live under the rule of such a law, for +seven times a night was the limit his wife imposed upon him! He was +also abnormal. + +Luther said twice a week was the rule for coitus, and this is a very +common practice. No absolute rule can be given, however, except for +each couple to act as they feel, keeping always within the bounds of +common sense and true temperance. + +There are some men and women so constituted, nervously, or by +temperament, that they are _obliged_ to rigorously _limit_ their acts +of coition. Some men cannot engage in the act more than once or twice +a month and maintain their health. For them, the act draws on their +vitality so severely that it quite upsets them, in almost every +case. During the act, they are subjected to nervous shocks, they +"see stars," and undergo rigors and nervous sweats which are severely +debilitating. Often, too, they will lie awake all night after +engaging in the act, and be more or less of a wreck for a day or two +afterwards. + +Some women, too, are of a similar nature of organization, and undergo +similar experiences. Of course, in all such cases, unusual care should +be taken never to reach the point of excess. + +It is unfortunate if people are married who are ill-matched in this +regard, especially so if the difference between the two is of a +pronounced nature, as when the husband or the wife is very amorous and +virile, while his or her mate is unable to engage in the act, to any +considerable extent, without suffering therefrom. If such case arises, +the best should be made of the situation, the more robust party +accommodating himself or herself to the incompetency or inability of +the other, and the weaker one doing all that can rightly be done to +strengthen and develop his or her infirmity. If this is done, _the +chances are many to one that, as times goes on, the parties will grow +more and more alike--the strong becoming more docile and the weaker +one more robust. Take time, love each other, court and be courted, and +only the best results trill come of it all_. + +Now there are some women who are called "anesthetic," that is, +they have no sex-passion, though the sex parts may be normal. Many +physicians declare that as high as forty per cent of the women _who +are reared in modern social life_ are thus lacking. These women engage +in coitus, though they get no pleasure from the act. They never reach +the orgasm, and have no sensation of delight from the act; they seldom +secrete the pre-coital fluid, and hence the union of the organs, or +their motion, are never easy or pleasurable. They can become mothers, +and often such bear many children. Such condition is greatly to be +regretted, and many women suffer greatly from this cause. + +It is highly probable, though, that many women who are counted as +thus lacking are _not, really, so!_ Many women will begin married life +wholly anesthetic, and, often, sometime will become normal in this +regard. _This often happens. The probability is that many wives are +not properly "courted" by their husbands_--THE FIRST PART OF THE ACT +IS NEGLECTED, _or the husband merely acts on his rights_--cohabits +like a goat, all in an instant, anxious only to gratify his own +_lust_; and that, _under such treatment, the wife never gets a fair +chance to really know her own powers_. Such cases are sad beyond +telling. For the most part, _they are the result of ignorance on the +part of the husband, and innocence and wrong teaching--wrong mental +attitude--on the part of the wife_. HENCE THE NEED OF INSTRUCTIONS TO +BOTH. + +But if almost any woman will get the _right mental attitude_ toward +sex-meeting, and then can be courted, as has been prescribed in these +pages, the cases are _rare indeed_ where a woman can be found who is +_really_ anesthetic. If you, wife, or you, husband, are "up against" +such a condition, try "courting," as herewith laid down, _in a proper +mood and spirit, and you will come out all right. There is no doubt of +it_. + +On the contrary, if the man is "impotent" there is small hope of his +ever coming out of such condition, and the chances are many to one +that he will never be able to satisfy his wife sexually. He may be +a "good man," in a way, but he can never be a good _husband_, in the +full meaning of that word. + +On the other hand, if a woman marries for money, or a home, or +position, or place, or power, or a "meal-ticket"--for _anything but +love_, she will doubtless be anesthetic _and stay so_. She deserves +to! She sells herself for a mess of pottage, whoever she is. She may +be a "good woman," but she can never be a good _wife_. + +The question is sometimes asked as to how late in life the sex organs +can function pleasurably and wholesomely for the parties concerned. +And here, as elsewhere, the reply can only be that it all depends on +the individual. But this is true, that, as a rule, the status of the +individual during the years of active life will persist, even to +old age, if the sex-functions are used and not abused. There is no +function of the body, however, which will "go to pieces" quicker, and +ever after be a wreck, as will the sex organs, if they are not treated +rightly. + +And this works both ways: If too rigorously held in check, _if denied +all functioning whatever, the parts will atrophy, to the detriment +of the whole nature, physical, mental, and spiritual_. The body will +become "dried up," the sex organs shriveled, and a corresponding +shrinking of the whole man or woman, in all parts of the being, is +very apt to follow. + +On the other hand, an excess of sex-functioning will soon deprive +the individual of all such power whatsoever. A man will, in his +comparatively early life, lose the power of erection, or tumescence +entirely, as a result of excess, either by masturbation or from +too frequent coitus; and on the part of the woman, many unfortunate +conditions are liable to arise. However, for reasons that have already +been stated, a woman who is strongly sexed, and of a pronounced +amorous nature, can maintain even great excess of sex exercise +without suffering such ill results as would befall a man who should so +indulge. That is, an excessively passionate wife can far sooner wear +the life out of a husband who is only moderately amorous, than can an +abnormally passionate husband wear out a moderately amorous wife. + +But if the sex nature of the husband and wife are well cared for +during the years of active life, neither too much restrained or too +profusely exercised, the functioning power of the sex organs will +remain, even to old age, with all their pleasure-giving powers and +sensations intact. This is a wonderful physiological fact, which leads +to a conclusion, as follows:-- + +This fact of the staying qualities of the power of sex functioning, +even to old age, is the _supreme_ proof of the fact that sex, in the +human family, _serves a purpose other than reproduction_! + +For, see! A woman loses the power to conceive when she reaches the +"turn of life," when her menses cease, that is, when she is between +forty and fifty years of age. And if pleasure in coition serves only +to induce her to engage in the act for the purpose of increasing the +probability of her becoming pregnant, if this is the _sole_ purpose +of desire for sex intercourse, such desire, such pleasure, _ought to +cease_ at that period of feminine life. _But this is by no means the +case_! If a wife is a normal woman, sexually, and has neither abused +her sex nature or had it abused, or neglected, and is a well woman, +she will enjoy coitus as much after she has passed her three score and +ten date in her life as she did before! She may not care to engage +in the act as frequently as in her younger days; but if she is well +courted by her old lover, all the joys of the former days are still +hers, to as great a degree as ever. And what is true of her is true +of her husband, if he is well preserved, as she is, has never abused +himself or been abused. + +This is a reward of virtue, for old lovers, that pays a big premium on +righteous sex-action in earlier years! More than all, _it is a proof, +beyond all question, that the purpose of sex in humanity is something +more than procreation, that there is such a thing as the Art of Love, +and that it ought to be taught and well learned by every husband and +wife, in their early married life_. + + + + +X + +CLEANLINESS + + +It would hardly seem necessary to be said, and yet many experiences of +husbands and wives prove that it needs to be said, that both parties +should take great pains to keep their bodies, all parts of them, +always sweet and clean. Strange as it may seem, many wives are +exceedingly careless in this respect! It is a matter of common report +among men, that harlots take more pains to make and keep their bodies, +and especially their genitals, clean and attractive, than many wives +do! Surely, this ought not to be so, and yet it often is. + +And that it is, is only one more unfortunate result that springs from +the feeling of "Oh, we are married now." The wife or the husband feels +that there is no longer any need of wooing each other. All of which +leads to woe, woe, woe! The wife should keep her whole body so sweet +and clean that her husband can kiss her from top to toe, if he wants +to--and the chances are that he will want to, if she so keeps herself! +In the one case, such a caress is a bit of heaven to a husband, in the +other it is a bit of hell! It will disgust where it ought to delight. +And when a wife disgusts her husband, the end of a happy married life +has come! + +The wife should always wash her vulva with soap and warm water before +retiring, and if reservatus is to be engaged in in the morning, after +urination, she should thoroughly cleanse the parts before union takes +place. Let her be _ever_ mindful to keep her "love cup" worthy to meet +its lover. + +And the husband should be equally careful to keep his body sweet and +clean. He should wash the glans penis thoroughly, with soap and water, +at least once every day, drawing the foreskin back so as to fully +cleanse the indenture above the gland, which secretes a substance that +very soon emits an offensive odor unless removed. Both parties should +keep their arm pits so that they will not be "smelly," and the feet +should likewise be kept inodorous. + +One of the chief objections to smoking or chewing tobacco is that it +spoils the breath, and so makes it offensive to the wife, whereas it +should be most attractive. In a word, both the husband and wife +cannot be too careful, in all ways, in making and keeping their bodies +mutually attractive. As has already been said, the sole aim of all +the sexual experience of a husband and wife should be to raise +the function more and more _away_ from the plane of _physical_ +gratification and elevate it continually towards the realm of _mental_ +and _spiritual delight_. This is a mission of sex in the human family +that should be made the most of. It involves the cultivation of the +Art of Love, which is truly the art of arts, par excellence. + +The secret of success in establishing righteous and happy sex +relations between husband and wife is, on the part of the man, that +_all his actions should be those of a loving gentleman_. This does +not mean effeminacy on his part--he must be virile, bold, strong, +aggressive, positive, _compelling_. And yet, all these manly virtues +must be expressed in terms of _loving and gentle_ ACTS. This is a +paradox, but it is true! + +On the part of the woman, the chief item on her side is, for her +to attain a _correct mental and spiritual attitude toward her +own sex-nature and that of her husband, and toward their common +expression_. All her training and environment now hinder her from such +achievement; but if she be a true woman, her nature will reveal the +truth to her, and if she will trust to that--do what that prompts her +to do, she will come out all right. It will take time to reach such +results; but if she will persist, she will succeed. Let her come +to the realization of the fact that sex in men and women is _not_ +unclean, vulgar, lowdown, sinful; but that it is _clean, pure, lofty_, +GOD-BORN! Rightly exercised, it leads to the highest well-being of +both the husband and wife; it brings them to their physical, mental +and spiritual noblest and best. Let the wife get this view of +the situation, which is the only true view, and then let her act +accordingly, and she will have attained. A husband and wife who have +reached this _modus vivendi_ have established a heaven on earth. + + + + +EDITOR'S NOTE + + +Dr. Long's description of "Free Time" should be thoroughly understood +by the readers of this book. Since it is practically impossible to +conduct exact scientific tests under strict control (the reason for +which can be readily understood) there is much difference of opinion +among physicians and sexologists on this subject. + +Some say there is no such thing as "Free Time." Others agree with Dr. +Long that there is a period of "Free Time." Still a third group +take the conservative viewpoint that further proof is necessary. The +publishers offer this explanation as a necessary comment. + + + + +XI + +PREGNANCY + + +And now just a few words about having children, and this treatise will +end. + +As has already been said, every true husband and wife who are well +enough and strong enough, and who are reasonably furnished with this +world's goods, ought to have and rear at least two children. The world +needs at least so many, even if all children lived and grew up, to +keep up the constant number of people on the earth. But, far more than +this, the husband and wife need children _to make a home complete, and +a complete home is the supreme attainment of human life!_ + +This does not mean that people should not marry unless they can have +children; there are many women who should never even try to become +mothers. But these should not be deprived of all sexual joys for this +reason. On the contrary, it is for their best good, in most cases, +that they should marry and so live normal sex lives, in all respects +except parenthood. + +But, for the most part, husbands and wives _can_ have children, if +they so desire, _and they_ SHOULD _so desire_. + +And, so desiring, the question is, How can they best fulfil such +desire? + +As a matter of fact, there is very little that is really known about +the begetting of children, and the securing of the best results from +such action. The laws of human heredity are, as yet, for the most +part, unknown. But common sense would seem to indicate a few things +that must be best in the premises. + +Thus, it would seem to be for the best that the husband and wife +should be in good physical condition when a child is begotten. More +than this, it would seem right that the act of begetting should be a +_deliberate_, and not a mere _chance_ begetting. Hence, in general, +it is well for the husband and wife to _agree_ upon a time for the +begetting of a child, and _deliberately accomplish a sex-meeting +for such purpose_. Although, one instinctively feels that such a +deliberate meeting might be too matter of fact--too cold and formal, +lacking in warm blood and genuine emotion; still, the probabilities +are that even this could be overcome, if kept in mind and "provided +for." + +Referring to the things that have already been said, of course an +embrace which is to result in pregnancy should be one of the most +perfect that can possibly be experienced, one in which, in an ecstasy +of love's delight, husband and wife merge their souls and bodies into +a perfect oneness--it would seem that from such a meeting the best, +and only the best results could come. + +And so if the husband and wife will agree that from a given time +on, they will cease to have a care to prevent conception; and then, +sometime _immediately following the fifth day after the beginning of +the menstrual flow_, they will naturally meet in a _perfect embrace_, +the probabilities are that they will have done the best possible to +secure the highest attainable results from the act of begetting a +child. + +As a rule, the proper time for such begetting is between the _fifth_ +and the _tenth_ day after the beginning of the menstrual flow. It is +sometimes best, however, to make the meeting earlier than this, even +before the flow has ceased. Some women will conceive then who cannot +do so at any other time. And so, if a wife should be unable to +conceive between the fifth and the tenth day, as noted, let an earlier +date be tried. If this should fail, consult a reliable physician. + +It ought to be said, too, that putting off having children _too long_, +is very apt to result in the sterility of the wife. Many a young wife, +who has really wanted to have children _sometime_, and who would be +greatly grieved if she thought she could _not_ bear a child, has kept +putting it off, and has done this _so often_, and for _so long_, that, +when the "convenient day" does come, she finds that she has "sinned +away her day of grace." + +Speaking generally, the first baby should be born not much later than +two years after marriage. There are, of course, exceptions to this, +but it is a good rule to go by. + +_Have your children when you are young_! This is common sense, +it comes out best in the long run, and is the best thing to do, +ninety-nine times in a hundred. Then, you are nearer the age of your +children as they grow up than if you waited till you were in the late +thirties before the children came. If your son or daughter is only +twenty-some years younger than you are, you can be "kids" with them. +If you are forty years old when they are born, you will always be "old +folks" to them. Have the babies when you are young. It is far better +so. + +If no children come from the meeting of husband and wife consult +a good doctor. But, in such event, if neither of the parties is to +blame--or even otherwise, make the best of the situation, love each +other, and make the most of wedded life with what is left. + +Above all, with children or without (and a thousand times better with) +make a home that is a home. That is what sex in the human family, what +married life is for--to make a home. Nearly all that makes a home +is centered around sex. No two normal _men_ can make a home! No two +normal _women_ can make a home! _It takes a man and a woman to make +a home. It takes father, mother and children to make the most perfect +home. Make up your minds to have a most perfect home, and do your +utmost to reach that goal_! + +The query often arises in the minds of conscientious husbands and +wives whether or not it is right to engage in coitus during pregnancy. +On this point authorities differ, though most of them hold against +such practice. The reasons they give for such adverse decision are all +based on the same old infernal lie, namely, that, sexually, man is +a mere animal, and so is subject to the laws and practices of mere +animality. This is the worst outrage ever perfected by a false +philosophy, which is heralded as the will of God. Out on it, +altogether! + +The simple truth, is that, if the husband and wife have _mastered the +Art of Love_, so that they _mutually desire each other, and both long +for sex exercise during the gestation period_, it is _perfectly right_ +and WISE for them to satisfy their _natural_ COMMON wishes. + +Of course, in such exercise, the utmost care should be taken not +to press too hard upon the pelvic region of the woman, and in this +regard, the word of caution needs to be heeded, as much by the +prospective mother as by her mate. For, in the intensity of an +orgasm, she may be tempted to crowd her body too violently against +her husband, and so possible harm might result. Especially if the +husband-superior position is taken during the act, he should be doubly +careful not to permit the weight of his body to rest upon the enlarged +part of the wife's anatomy, not in the least. + +Indeed, the safest position for coitus, during pregnancy is, the woman +on her back, and the man with his hips on the bed below hers, so that +there is no possibility of pressure on her abdomen, which is perfectly +free, in this position. In this position, the act may be engaged in, +during pregnancy, as often as mutually desired, to the benefit of both +parties. + +Many pregnant women are more than usually passionate during the period +of gestation. This is especially the case when the wife is happy in +her condition, when she rejoices with exceeding great joy that she is +on the way to experience the divine crown of wifehood--maternity! When +such a woman desires her husband in love's embrace, it is cruel to +deprive her of her longed-for delight. + +Again, a wife, unpregnant, and when she rightfully wishes to remain +so, may be somewhat fearful of becoming pregnant when she meets +her husband, and so hesitate to give her passion full play, thereby +missing the utmost delights of an embrace--but if she be pregnant, +and so has no fear on this score, she can give herself up to utter +abandonment to her impulses. + +On this point, the final word is, use _common sense_, in a _spirit of +absolute_ MUTUALITY. + +It goes without saying that it would be wicked, not to say a crime, +for a husband to _compel_ his wife to engage in coitus during +pregnancy, against her will. On the other hand, many a wife has first +experienced an orgasm when meeting her husband during pregnancy. The +reason for this is that her fear of becoming pregnant is not then +present--a condition which has before kept her from the climax. + +It is further true that many a wife will greatly relieve and delight +her husband if, on occasion, and as both may desire, she will relieve +him with her hand; or sometimes, that they engage in mutual relief by +this means during pregnancy. + + + + +XII + +CONCLUSION + + +In closing this volume, the author wishes to say, as in opening, that +no apology is offered for what has been written or said herewith. All +has been set down in love, by a lover, for the sake of lovers yet to +be, _in the hope of helping them on towards a divine consummation_. + +As a final direction _Master the Art of Love_, which is _the divinest +art in all the world; then study, and do your best to master the +Science of Procreation_. It is these two, the Art of Love and the +Science of Procreation, that, together, make married life a success. +Without these, or, surely, without the first, there can be no such +thing as true marriage. Hence, this is the _first_ to learn, to +master. It is worthy of the most careful study, the most faithful +experiment. + +It is right for people who never can have children to marry, and to +share with each other mutual sex delights. It is far better for +a husband and wife, having learned the Art of Love, to have +children--and a home. + +Thrice happy are the married lovers who live in the spirit of this +sentiment, exalted to the highest spiritual plane; and if, out of such +love exchanges children are begotten and born, and a perfect home is +established, then married life is worth living. God has joined such +together and nothing can put them asunder. + + * * * * * + +This volume is not something to be read once, and then put aside and +forgotten. It should be studied, experimented upon, read again and +again, especially by those who have difficulties in married life to +overcome. And for _all_ young married people, it should be a sort +of Guide to Happiness that should be frequently consulted and its +directions "tried out" and followed to the limit. + +The fact is that, in true marriage, neither the husband nor the wife +can be selfishly supreme. If selfishness asserts itself, on the part +of either husband or wife, hell is sure to follow. There can be no +true marriage under such circumstances, because there is no supremacy +in true love, and it is only true love that can make an abiding true +marriage. In true marriage, such as both God and Nature design should +be, there is perfect comradery, equals walking with equals, with the +principle of love and mutual helpfulness shared alike by both. Let +no reader of this book forget these primal facts, or fail to act in +accordance with them! For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven! + + + + +[Advertisement] + + +#WOMAN: HER SEX and LOVE LIFE# + +By Dr. William J. Robinson + +416 Pages + +Cloth + +$3.00 + +No matter what books you have read on sex information, no matter +what question is agitating your mind, the information given in this +wonderful book will solve your problem. Dr. Robinson not only gives a +full treatise on the delicate formation of woman's wonderful body, but +he also explains the changes which follow the intimate experiences +of her sexual life. Men as well as women must know what these changes +are. No one, married or single, can afford to be ignorant of the +knowledge contained in this wonderful book. One woman writes: "Woman: +Her Sex and Love Life has been a life saver to me. 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This Secret Franklin +Letter, in the estimation of many people, is alone worth the price of +the entire book. + +#Partial Table of Contents# + +Misalliances and unhappy marriages: an important but never referred to +cause + +Sexual abstinence and nervousness + +Coitus interruptus as cause of nervous disease + +Sexual hypochondria and morbid scrupulousness + +Double standard of morality + +Continence in the two sexes + +Is it really impossible to make prostitution harmless? + +A problem in sexual ethics + +Eugenics, sexual sin, ignorance, and superstition + +Is Platonic love normal? + +Female sex instinct in relation to morality + +Regulation of offspring and sexual morality + +Coitus and nightmares + +Distinctions between male and female sex instinct + +Death during sexual intercourse + +False accusation of rape + +Strikes against marriage in ancient times + +Remarkable experiment in venereal prophylaxis + +Effects of masturbation; a genuine human document + +A remarkable letter by Benjamin Franklin + + + + +[Advertisement] + + +#LOVE# + +_A Treatise on the Science of Sex Attraction_ + +By Bernard S. Talmey, M.D. + +512 Pages + +131 Illustrations + +Cloth + +_Formerly $5.00_--NOW ONLY $3.00 + +Because of the thoroughness and completeness of its contents and the +minute details discussed in each chapter, the sale of this volume +was formerly restricted to physicians. Now, however, this unusually +valuable book has been made available to the general public; to those +thoughtful men and women who desire to know the real truths and the +intimate details about sex and love. + +Partial Table of Contents + +Love and civilization + +Sex worship + +Male internal sex organs + +Female internal sex organs + +Male external genitals + +Female external genitals + +Function of testicles, spermatogenesis, function of seminal vesicles, +prostate, urethral glands, semen, erection, ejaculation, nervous +control, organism + +Function of ovaries, ovum, menstruation, uterus, female ejaculation, +function of vagina, of clitoris, course of the sexual act + +Quality of pleasure, symptoms of pleasure, orgasm, symptoms of +after-lust, intensity of libido, duration of copulation + +Love and passion, development of individual love, characteristic of +the ideal woman's love + +Emotions of eros and libido in men and in women, difference in the two +sexes, emotion of jealousy, woman's former love-affairs + +Sexual desires in the old, in infants, causes of early masturbation + +Impotence in male, satyriasis, nymphomania, continence and impotence, +excesses in copulation, practice of withdrawal, four types of +impotencies in males, female impotence, frigidity, sterility + +Engagement rules, wedding day, positions of conjugation, sequels of +great frequency, pain of defloration, conjugation during menstruation, +conjugation during pregnancy, preparation of the woman's muliebra +in partial frigidity, offspring and sexual life, sterile time for +conjugation + +History of marriage, promiscuity, consanguineous family, female +chastity, adultery, female morality and reason + +Prostitution, clandestine vice, injury of abstinence, ethics of +evolution + +This volume has never been sold at any time for less than $5.00. +But, in order to insure its widespread introduction, we offer it at a +special reduced price of only $3.00. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living, by H.W. 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