initial commit of ebook 13067HEADmain

43 files changed, 9416 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6833f05
--- /dev/null
+++ b/.gitattributes
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+* text=auto
+*.txt text
+*.md text
diff --git a/13067-0.txt b/13067-0.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4a7ed82
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-0.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,1321 @@
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13067 ***
+
+PUNCH,
+
+OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
+
+VOL. 100.
+
+
+
+January 31, 1891.
+
+
+
+
+VOCES POPULI.
+
+A ROW IN THE PIT; OR, THE OBSTRUCTIVE HAT.
+
+    SCENE--_The Pit during Pantomime Time._
+
+    _The Overture is beginning._
+
+[Illustration]
+
+_An Over-heated Matron_ (_to her Husband_). Well, they don't give
+you much _room_ in 'ere, I _must_ say. Still, we done better than
+I expected, after all that crushing. I thought my ribs was gone
+once--but it was on'y the umbrella's. You pretty comfortable where you
+are, eh. Father?
+
+_Father_. Oh, I'm right enough, I am.
+
+_Jimmy_ (_their Son; a small boy, with a piping voice_). If _Father_
+is, it's more nor what _I_ am. I can't see, Mother, I can't!
+
+_His Mother_. Lor' bless the boy! there ain't nothen to _see_ yet;
+you'll see well enough when the Curting goes up. (_Curtain rises on
+opening scene_). Look, JIMMY, ain't _that_ nice, now? All them himps
+dancin' round, and real fire comin' out of the pot--which I 'ope it's
+quite safe--and there's a beautiful fairy just come on, dressed so
+grand, too!
+
+_Jimmy_. I can't see no fairy--nor yet no himps--no nothen! [_He
+whimpers_.
+
+_His Mother_ (_annoyed_). Was there ever such a aggravating boy to
+take anywheres! Set quiet, do, and don't fidget, and look at the
+hactin'!
+
+_Jimmy_. I tell yer I can't _see_ no hactin', Mother. It ain't my
+fault--it's this lady in front o' me, with the 'at.
+
+_Mother_ (_perceiving the justice of his complaints_). Father, the
+pore boy says he can't see where he is, 'cause of a lady's hat in
+front.
+
+_Father._ Well, _I_ can't 'elp the 'at, can I? He must put up with it,
+that's all!
+
+_Mother._ No--but I thought, if you wouldn't mind changing places with
+him--you're taller than him, and it wouldn't be in your way 'arf so
+much.
+
+_Father._ It's always the way with you--never satisfied, _you_ ain't!
+Well, pass the boy across--I'm for a quiet life, I am. (_Changing
+seats._) Will _this_ do for you?
+
+    [_He settles down immediately behind a very large, and furry,
+    and feathery hat, which he dodges for some time, with the
+    result of obtaining an occasional glimpse of a pair of legs on
+    the stage._
+
+_Father_ (_suddenly_). D---- the 'at!
+
+_Mother._ You can't wonder at the _boy_ not seeing! P'raps the lady
+wouldn't might taking it off, if you asked her?
+
+_Father._ Ah! (_He touches_ The Owner of the Hat _on the shoulder._)
+Excuse me, Mum, but might I take the liberty of asking you to kindly
+remove your 'at? [The Owner of the Hat _deigns no reply._
+
+_Father_ (_more insistently_). _Would_ you 'ave any objection to
+oblige me by taking off your 'at, Mum? (_Same result._) I don't know
+if you _'eard_ me, Mum, but I've asked you twice, civil enough, to
+take that 'at of yours off. I'm a playin' 'Ide and Seek be'ind it 'ere!
+
+    [_No answer._
+
+_The Mother._ People didn't ought to be allowed in the Pit with sech
+'ats! Callin' 'erself a lady--and settin' there in a great 'at and
+feathers like a 'Ighlander's, and never answering no more nor a
+stuffed himage!
+
+_Father_ (_to the Husband of The Owner of the Hat_). Will you tell
+your good lady to take her 'at off, Sir, please?
+
+_The Owner of the Hat_ (_to her Husband_). Don't you do nothing of the
+sort, SAM, or you'll _'ear_ of it!
+
+_The Mother._ Some people are perlite, I must say. Parties might
+_beyave_ as ladies when they come in the Pit! It's a pity her 'usband
+can't teach her better manners!
+
+_The Father._ _'Im_ teach her! 'E knows better. 'E's got a Tartar
+there, _'e_ 'as!
+
+_The Owner of the Hat._ SAM, are you going to set by and hear me
+insulted like this?
+
+_Her Husband_ (_turning round tremulously_). I--I'll trouble you
+to drop making these personal allusions to my wife's 'at, Sir. It's
+puffickly impossible to listen to what's going on on the stage, with
+all these remarks be'ind!
+
+_The Father._ Not more nor it is to _see_ what's going on on the stage
+with that 'at in front! I paid 'arf-a-crown to see the Pantermime, I
+did; not to 'ave a view of your wife's 'at!... 'Ere, MARIA, blowed if
+I can stand this 'ere game any longer. JIMMY must change places again,
+and if he can't see, he must stand up on the seat, that's all!
+
+    [_JIMMY is transferred to his original place, and mounts upon
+    the seat._
+
+_A Pittite behind Jimmy_ (_touching up JIMMY's Father with an
+umbrella_). Will you tell your little boy to set down, please, and not
+block the view like this?
+
+_Jimmy's Father_. If you can indooce that lady in front to take off
+her 'at, I will--but not before. Stay where you are, JIMMY, my boy.
+
+_The Pittite behind._ Well, I must stand myself then, that's all. I
+mean to see, _somehow_! [_He rises._
+
+_People behind him_ (_sternly_). Set down there, will yer?
+
+    [_He resumes his seat expostulating._
+
+_Jimmy_. Father, the gentleman behind is a pinching of my legs!
+
+_Jimmy's Father._ Will you stop pinching my little boy's legs! He
+ain't doing you no 'arm--is he?
+
+_The Pinching Pittite_. Let him sit down, then!
+
+_Jimmy's Father._ Let the lady take her 'at off!
+
+_Murmurs behind._ Order, there! Set down! Put that boy down! Take orf
+that 'at! Silence in front, there! Turn 'em out! Shame!... &c., &c.
+
+_The Husband of the O. of the H._ (_in a whisper to his Wife_). Take
+off the blessed 'at, and have done with it, do!
+
+_The O. of the H._ What--_now_? I'd sooner _die_ in the 'at!
+
+    [_An Attendant is called._
+
+_The Attendant._ Order, there, Gentlemen, please--unless you want to
+get turned out! No standing allowed on the seats--you're disturbing
+the performance 'ere, you know!
+
+    [_JIMMY is made to sit down, and weeps silently; the hubbub
+    gradually subsides--and The Owner of the Hat triumphs--for
+    the moment._
+
+_Jimmy's Mother._ Never mind, my boy, you shall have Mother's seat in
+a minute. I dessay, if all was known, the lady 'as reasons for keeping
+her 'at on, pore thing!
+
+_The Father._ Ah, I never thought o' that. So she may. Very likely her
+'at won't _come_ off--not without her _'air!_
+
+_The Mother._ Ah, well, we musn't be 'ard on her, if that's so.
+
+_The O. of the H._ (_removing the obstruction_). I 'ope you're
+satisfied _now_, I'm sure?
+
+_The Father_ (_handsomely_). Better late nor never, Mum, and we take
+it kind of you. Though, why you shouldn't ha' done it at fust, I
+dunno; for you look a deal 'ansomer without the 'at than, what you did
+in it--_don't_ she, MARIA?
+
+_The O. of the H._ (_mollified_). SAM, ask the gentleman behind if his
+boy would like a ginger-nut.
+
+    [_This olive-branch is accepted; compliments pass; cordiality
+    is restored, and the Pantomime proceeds without further
+    disturbance._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+SOMETHING LIKE A SUBSCRIPTION!
+
+(_A PAGE FROM THE BOOK OF PHILANTHROPY._)
+
+The Committee waited impatiently the arrival of the Great and Good
+Man. It was their duty to obtain a donation--an ample one--from the
+Millionnaire whose charity was renowned far and wide, from one end of
+the world to the other. At length he appeared before them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"What can I do for you?" he asked, with a smile that absolutely shone
+with benevolence.
+
+"You know, Sir, that the claims of the poor in the Winter are
+numerous, and difficult to meet?"
+
+"Certainly I do," returned the Man of Wealth, "and hope that you are
+about to ask me for a subscription."
+
+"Indeed we were," cried the spokesman of the Committee, his eyes
+filling with grateful tears. "May I put you down for five pounds?"
+
+"Five pounds!" echoed the Millionnaire, impatiently, "What is five
+pounds?--_five thousand_ is much more like the figure! Now, I will
+give you five thousand pounds on one condition."
+
+"Name it!" cried the Deputation in a breath.
+
+"The simplest thing in the world," continued the Millionnaire. "I
+will give you five thousand pounds on the condition that you get
+ninety-nine other fellows to do the same. Nay, you shall thank me when
+all is collected. I can wait till then."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The above words were spoken more than thirty years ago. Since then
+the Deputation have been waiting for the other fellows--and so has the
+Millionnaire!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PROFESSOR V. PROFESSOR.
+
+PROFESSOR VIRCHOW seems by no means Koch-sure about the _tuberculosis_
+remedy. Indeed Professor KOCH finds that there is not only "much
+virtue in an 'if,'" but much "if" in a VIRCHOW! He is inclined to sing
+with SWINBURNE:--
+
+  "Come down, and redeem us from VIRCHOW."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE FRIEND OF IRELAND AND THE WORDY KNIFE-GRINDER.
+
+(_IMITATION SAPPHICS SOME WAY AFTER CANNING AND FRERE._)
+
+[Illustration: _Wordy Knife-Grinder_. "STORY! GOD BLESS YOU! I HAVE
+NONE TO TELL, SIR!"]
+
+_Friend of Ireland_:--
+
+  "Wordy Knife-Grinder! Whither are you going?
+  Dark is your way--your wheel looks out of order--
+  Mitchelstown palls, and there seems no more spell in
+            O'BRIEN's breeches!
+
+  "Wordy Knife-Grinder, little think the proud ones,
+  Who in their speeches prate about their Union-
+  Ism, what hard work 'tis to keep a Party
+            Tightly together!
+
+  "Tell me, Knife-Grinder, what _your_ little game is.
+  Do you mean playing straight with me and others?
+  Or would you jocky Erin like a confounded
+            Saxon attorney?
+
+  "Give us a glimpse of that same Memorandum!
+  Pledge yourself clear to what needs no explaining!
+  Prove that your plan is not quite a sham, sly-whittled
+            Down into nullity!
+
+  "Ere I depart (if go I must, TIM HEALY)
+  Give me a pledge that I'm not sold for nothing.
+  Tell us in plain round words, without evasion, the
+            _True_ Hawarden story."
+
+_Knife-Grinder_.
+
+  "Story! God bless yer! I have none to tell, Sir!
+  _Never_ tell stories, I; 'tis my sole business
+  This Wheel to turn with treadle and cry, 'Knives and
+            Scissors to grind O!'
+
+  "Constabulary? Question of Land Purchase?
+  Number of Irish Members due in justice?
+  Never said aught about 'em; don't intend to--
+            Not for the present.
+
+  "I shall be glad to do what honour urgeth;
+  Grind on alone, if you will give me _carte-blanche_,
+  Make room for JUSTIN, and forbear to meddle
+            With politics, Sir!"
+
+_Friend of Ireland_.
+
+  "_I_ give thee _carte-blanche?_ I will see thee blowed first--
+  Fraud! whom no frank appeal can move to frankness--
+  Sophist, evasive, garrulous, word-web-spinning
+            Subtle Old Spider!!!"
+
+[_Kicks the Knife-Grinder, overturns his Wheel, and exit in a fury of
+patriotic enthusiasm and forcible language._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CAPITAL AND LABOUR FORECAST;
+
+_OR, SIX OF ONE AND HALF-A-DOZEN OF THE OTHER._
+
+Though in some quarters a better feeling was reported to have
+prevailed, still, according to latest accounts, the outlook can
+scarcely be regarded as satisfactory. A meeting of the Amalgamated
+Engineering Tram-Drivers' Mutual Stand-Shoulder-to-Shoulder
+Strangulation Society was held on Glasgow Green yesterday afternoon,
+at which, amid a good deal of boisterous interruption, several
+delegates addressed the assembled audience and recounted their recent
+experiences up to date. There were still 1700 of the Company's old
+hands out of work, and though, thanks to the profound enthusiasm,
+"their just cause" had excited amidst the Trade Societies in the
+South, by which, owing to subscriptions from no less important
+bodies than the Bootmakers' Benevolent Grandmothers' Association, and
+Superannuated Undertakers' Orphan Society, they had been able to stay
+out and defy the Company, receiving all the while, every man of them,
+a stipend of 3s. 9d. a-week, still they had almost come to the end
+of their resources, and all that they had in hand towards next week's
+fund for distribution, was £1 13s. 7-1/2d., received in coppers from
+the Deputy-Chairman of the Metropolitan Boys' Boot-blacking Brigade,
+accompanied with an intimation that that help must be regarded as
+the last that can be counted on from that quarter. Under these
+circumstances it became a question whether it was not almost time to
+consider some terms of compromise.
+
+In the above sense one of the speakers addressed the meeting, but
+he was speedily followed by another, who insisted that, "come
+what might," they would stick to their latest terms, which were, a
+three-hours' day--(_loud cheers_)--and time-and-three-quarters for
+any work expected after three o'clock in the afternoon. (_Prolonged
+cheering_.)
+
+A Delegate here rose, and said it was all very well their cheering,
+but could they get it? (_A Voice, "We'll try!"_) For his part, the
+speaker continued, he had had enough of trying. With wife and children
+starving at home, he had only one course open to him, and that was,
+to knock under to the Company and their ten-hours' day, if they would
+have him. (_Groans, amid which the Speaker had his hat knocked over
+his eyes, and was kicked out of the assembly_.)
+
+The discussion was then continued, much in the same vein, and
+eventually culminated in a free fight, in which the Chairman got his
+head broken, on declaring that a Motion further limiting the working
+day to two hours and a half, was lost by a narrow majority.
+
+Yesterday afternoon the Directors' Mutual Anti-Labour Protection
+Company met at their Central Offices for the despatch of their usual
+business. The ordinary Report was read, which announced that though
+the affairs of three great Railway Companies had "gone" literally "to
+the dogs," still, the Directors of each had to be congratulated on
+showing a firm front, in refusing to acknowledge even the existence
+of their _employés_. The usual congratulatory Motions were put,
+_pro formâ_, and passed, and, amid a general manifestation of gloomy
+satisfaction, the meeting was further adjourned.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"A SALVAGE MAN."
+
+  Rudyard Kipling has hit on a picturesque plan;
+  He describes in strong language "the savage in Man."
+  Whilst amongst the conventions he raids and he ravages.
+  We'd like just a leetle more "Man" in his savages.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: IN SELF-DEFENCE.
+
+_Jones_ (_who has just told his best Story, and been rewarded with
+a gentle smile_). "UPON MY WORD, WOMEN HAVEN'T GOT THE REAL SENSE OF
+HUMOUR! WHY, WHEN I HEARD THAT STORY FOR THE FIRST TIME, ONLY LAST
+WEEK, I SIMPLY ROARED!"
+
+_Miss Smith_. "SO DID I--ONLY IT WAS LAST YEAR!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FROM OUR MUSICAL BOX.
+
+We sent our Musical Box (Cox being unable to accompany him on the
+piano or any other instrument, by reason of the severe weather) to
+hear STAVENHAGEN at St. James's Hall, Thursday last, the 22nd. Our
+Musical B. was nearly turned out of the hall, he was in such ecstasies
+of delight over a Beethovenly _concerto_, which "bangs Banagher," he
+said, subsequently translating the expression by explaining, "that
+is, beats BEETHOVEN." Our M.B. wept over a _cadenza_ composed by the
+performer, and was only restored by the appearance--her first--of
+Madame STAVENHAGEN, who gave somebody's grand _scena_ far better,
+probably, than that somebody could have given it himself, set as
+it was to fine descriptive music by the clever STAVENHAGEN, which
+delighted all hearers, especially those who were Liszt-eners.
+"Altogether," writes our Musical Box, "a very big success. Music is
+thirsty work. I am now about to do a symphony in B. and S."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+VICE VERSÂ.
+
+  A poet in the _Forum_ asks the question,
+  "Is Verse in Danger?" 'Tis a wild suggestion!
+  Is Verse in Danger? Nay, _that_'s not the curse;
+  Danger (of utter boredom) is in Verse!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"ODD MAN OUT."--On Saturday last, the last among the theatrical
+advertisements in the _Daily Telegraph_ was the mysterious one,
+"MR. CHARLES SUGDEN AT LIBERTY," and then followed his address. "At
+Liberty!" What does it mean? Has he been--it is a little difficult to
+choose the right word, but let us say immured--has he been immured in
+some cell?--for it does sound like a "sell" of another sort--and
+has he at last effected a sensational escape? No doubt CHARLES, our
+friend, will be able to offer the public a satisfactory explanation
+when he re-appears on the Stage which suffers from his absence.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PLAYING OLD GOOSEBERRY AT THE HAYMARKET;
+
+_OR, THE DOOK, THE DANCING GIRL, AND THE LITTLE LAME DUCK._
+
+What is to be admired in ENERY HAUTHOR JONES is not so much his work
+but his pluck,--for has he not, in the first place, overcome the
+prudery of the Lord Chamberlain's Licensing Department, and, in the
+second place, has he not introduced on the boards of the Haymarket a
+good old-fashioned Melodrama, brought "up to date," and disguised in
+a Comedy wrapper? Walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen, and see _The Dancing
+Girl_, a Comedy-Drama shall we call it, or, generically, a Play?
+wherein the prominent figures are a wicked Duke,--_vice_ the "wicked
+Baronet," now shelved, as nothing under the ducal rank will suit us
+nowadays, bless you!--a Provincial Puritan family, an honest bumpkin
+lover, a devil of a dancing woman who lives a double-shuffling sort of
+life, an angel of a lame girl,--who, of course, can't cut capers but
+goes in for coronets,--a sly, unprincipled, and calculating kind
+of angel she is too, but an audience that loves Melodrama is above
+indulging in uncharitable analysis of motive,--a town swell in the
+country, a more or less unscrupulous land-agent, and a genuine,
+honest "heavy father," of the ancient type, with a good old-fashioned
+melodramatic father's curse ready at the right moment, the last relic
+of a bygone period of the transpontine Melodrama, which will bring
+tears to the eyes of many an elderly playgoer on hearing the old
+familiar formula, in the old familiar situation, reproduced on
+the stage of the modern Haymarket as if through the medium of a
+phonophone.
+
+[Illustration: FINAL TABLEAU, ACT I.
+
+"O does not a Meeting (House) like this make amends?"
+
+_Ham Christison_ (_Clown_). "Ullo! Oh my! I'm a looking at yer!"]
+
+At all events, _Drusilla Ives, alias_ "the Dancing Girl "--though as
+to where she dances, how she dances, and when she dances, we are left
+pretty well in the dark, as she only gives so slight a taste of her
+quality that it seemed like a very amateurish imitation of Miss KATE
+VAUGHAN in her best day,--_Drusilla Ives_ is the mistress, neither
+pure nor simple, of the _Duke of Guisebury_,--a title which is
+evidently artfully intended by the, at present, "Only JONES" to be a
+compound of the French "Guise" and the English "Bury,"--who from his
+way of going on and playing old gooseberry with his property, might
+have been thus styled with advantage: and so henceforth let us think
+and speak of him as His Grace or His Disgrace the Duke of Gooseberry.
+
+This Duke of Gooseberry visits, "quite unbeknown,"--being, for this
+occasion only, the Duke of Disguisebury,--his own property, the Island
+of St. Endellion, just to see, we suppose, what sort of people the
+Quaker family may be from which his mistress, the Dancing Quakeress
+(and how funny she used to be at the Music Halls and at the Gaiety!),
+has sprung. For some reason or other, the Dancing Quakeress has gone
+to stay a few weeks with her family in the country, and while this
+hypocritical Daughter of HERODIAS is with her Quaker belongings at
+prayers in the Meeting House, the spirit moveth her to come out,
+and to come out uncommonly strong, as, within a yard or so of the
+building, she laughs and talks loudly with Gooseberry, and then in a
+light-hearted way she treats the Dook to some amateur imitations of
+ELLEN TERRY, finishing up with a reminiscence of KATE VAUGHAN; all
+of which _al fresco_ entertainment is given for the benefit of the
+aforesaid Gooseberry within sound of the sermon and within sight of
+the Meeting House windows. Suddenly her rustic Quaker lover, a kind
+of _Ham Peggotty_, lounges out of the Conventicle, which, as these
+persons seem to leave and enter just when it suits them, ought rather
+to be called a Chapel-of-Ease,--and, like the clown that he is, says
+in effect, "I'm a-looking at yer! I've caught yer at it!" Dismay
+of Dook and Dancer!! then Curtain on a most emphatically effective
+situation.
+
+[Illustration: Two "Regular Dawgs" having a _tête-à-tête._]
+
+The Second Act is far away the best of the lot, damaged, however, by
+vain repetitions of words and actions. To the house where Miss Dancing
+Girl is openly living under the protection of Gooseberry, the Duke's
+worthy Steward actually brings his virtuous and ingenuous young
+daughter! If ever there were a pair of artful, contriving, scheming
+humbugs, it is this worthy couple. Because the Duke saved her from
+being run over by his own horses, therefore she considers herself
+at liberty to limp after him, and round him, and about him, on every
+possible occasion, to say sharp, priggish things to him, to make love
+to him, and in the Third Act so craftily to manage as to spot him just
+as he is about to drink off a phial of poison, which operation, being
+preceded by a soliloquy of strong theatrical flavour and considerable
+length, gives the lame girl a fair chance of hobbling down the stairs
+and arresting the thus "spotted Nobleman's" arm at the critical
+moment. Curtain, and a really fine dramatic situation. "Which nobody
+can deny."
+
+[Illustration: ACT III. Pantaloon David Peggotty Gladstone Ives.]
+
+It is in this same Third Act that the fine old crusted melodramatic
+curse is uncorked, and a good imperial quart of wrath is poured out on
+his dancing daughter's head by the heavy father, who, in his country
+suit, forces his way into the gilded halls of the Duke's mansion, past
+the flunkeys, the head butler, and all the rest of the usual pampered
+menials. An audience that can accept this old-fashioned cheap-novel
+kind of clap-trap, and witness, without surprise, the marvellous
+departure of all the guests, supperless, for no assigned cause, or
+explicable reason, not even an alarm of fire having been given, will
+swallow a considerable amount.
+
+The Fourth Act is an anticlimax, and shows up the faulty construction
+of the drama. Of course the news comes that the Dancing Girl is dead,
+and this information is brought by a Sainte Nitouche of a "Sister" of
+some Theatrical Order (not admitted after half-past seven), whose very
+appearance is a _suggestio falsi_. Equally, of course, a letter is
+found, which, as exculpating Gooseberry, induces the old cuss of a
+Puritan father to shake hands with the converted "Spotted Nobleman";
+but, be it remembered, the Dook is still his landlord, and the value
+of the property is going up considerably. Then it appears that the old
+humbug of an agent has sagaciously speculated in the improvement of
+the island, and poor Gooseberry feels under such an obligation to that
+sly puss of an agent's daughter, that, in a melancholy sort of way,
+he offers her his hand, which she, the artful little hussy of a _Becky
+Sharp_, with considerable affectation of coyness, accepts, and down
+goes the Curtain upon as unsatisfactory and commonplace a termination
+to a good Melodrama as any Philistine of the Philistines could
+possibly wish. It would have been a human tragedy indeed had poor
+Gooseberry poisoned himself, and the girl whose life he had saved had
+arrived just too late, only to die of a broken heart. But that "is
+quite another story."
+
+The piece is well played all round, especially by the men. Mr. TREE
+is excellent, except in the ultra-melodramatic parts, where he is too
+noisy. The very best thing he does is the perfect finish of the Second
+Act, when, without a word, he sits in the chair before the fire lost
+in dismal thought. This is admirable: as perfect in its dramatic force
+as it is true to nature. It is without exception the best thing in the
+whole piece. Mr. F. KERR as _Reginald Slingsby_, achieves a success
+unequalled since Mr. BANCROFT played the _parvenu_ swell _Hawtree_. It
+should be borne in mind that Mr. KERR only recently played admirably
+the poor stuttering shabby lover in _The Struggle for Life. Il ira
+loin, ce bon_ M. KERR. Miss JULIA NEILSON looks the part to the life:
+when she has ceased to give occasional imitations of Miss ELLEN TERRY,
+and can really play the part as well as she looks it, then nothing
+more could be possibly desired. All the others as good as need be, or
+can be.
+
+[Illustration: FINAL TABLEAU.
+
+Triumph of the Artful Agent and his lame Duck of a Daughter, Sybil
+Slyboots, _alias_ Becky Sharp, afterwards the Merry Duchess of
+Gooseberry.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE BOGEY, MAN!
+
+(_RETORT OF A LADY-PLAYER WHO PLAYS "FOR LOVE."_)
+
+    ["No game was ever yet invented which held the female mind in
+    thrall save by indirect means. Where would croquet have been,
+    so far as the Ladies were concerned, without its Curates, or
+    lawn-tennis without its 'Greek gods' ... If men played for
+    nothing, they would find it dull enough."--JAMES PAYN]
+
+  'Tis mighty well for Menfolk at Womankind to gibe,
+  And swear they do not care for games without some lure or bribe,
+  But e'en in JAMES PAYN's armour there seems some weakish joints;
+  He does not care for "glorious Whist" unless for "sixpenny points!"
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! It charms the Bogey, Man:
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll play it when he can.
+      But "pointless Whist," as PAYN admits, is not at all his plan;
+      You must have "money on" to please the Bogey, Man!
+
+  Now, Ladies like to play "for love," a fault male hucksters blame,
+  But only sordid souls deny _that_ is the true "grand game."
+  Man's vulgarer ambition's not just to play well and win;
+  His eye is ever on the stakes, his interest on the "tin."
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! That blatant Bogey, Man!
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll flout us when he can.
+      "Indirect means" though, after all, are portions of _his_ plan;
+      For all his brag he loves the "swag," the Bogey, Man!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MUM'S THE WORD!
+
+    [Mr. CHAMBERLAIN presided lately at a Deaf-and-Dumb Meeting.]
+
+            JOSEPH _reflecteth_:--
+  Deaf-mutes make the best audience, I see;
+    _They_ gave me no rude flood of gibes to stem.
+  True, they were deaf, and so could not hear _me_,
+    But they were dumb, so _I_ could not hear them!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MADAME ROLAND RE-EDITED (_from a sham-Japanese point of view_).--O
+LIBERTY! what strange (decorative) things are done in thy name!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+JACK'S APPEAL.
+
+    ["It is impossible for warrant-officers in the Navy not to
+    see that they are placed at a disadvantage as compared with
+    non-commissioned officers in the Army, and it must be
+    very difficult to persuade them that the two cases are
+    so essentially different as to afford no real ground for
+    grievance."--_The "Times," on "An Earnest Appeal on Behalf of
+    the Rank and File of the Navy_."]
+
+_Jack Tar to Tommy Atkins, loquitur_:--
+
+  TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, penmen write pertikler fine
+  Of the Wooden Walls of England, and likeways the Thin Red Line;
+  But for those as form that Line, mate, or for those as man them Walls,
+  Scribes don't seem so precious anxious to kick up their lyric squalls.
+  Not a bit of it, my hearty; for one reason--it don't pay;
+  There is small demand, my TOMMY, for a DIBDIN in our day.
+  Oh, I know that arter dinner your M.P.'s can up and quote
+  Tasty tit-bits from old CHARLEY, which they all reel off by rote;
+  But if there _is_ a cherub up aloft to watch poor JACK,
+  That there cherub ain't a poet,--bards are on another tack.
+
+  TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, BULL is sweet on "loyal toasts,"
+  And he spends his millions freely on his squadrons and his hosts,
+  But there isn't much on't, messmate, not so fur as _I_ can see,
+  Whether 'tis rant or rhino, that gets spent on you and me.
+  Still the _Times_ has took our case up,--werry handsome o' the _Times_!--
+  I have heard it charged with prejudice, class-hate, and similar crimes,
+  But it shows it's got fair sperret and a buzzum as can feel
+  When it backs us with a "Leader" arter printing our "Appeal."
+  You are better off, my TOMMY, than the Navy Rank and File,
+  You _may_ chance to get promotion,--arter waiting a good while--
+  But the tip-top of Tar luck's to be a Warrant Officer;
+  We ain't like to get no further, if we even get _as_ fur.
+  'Tain't encouraging, my hearty. As for me, I'm old and grey,
+  'Tis too late now for promotion if it chanced to come _my_ way;
+  And my knowledge, and my patter, and my manners--well I guess
+  They mayn't be percisely fitted for a dandy ward-room mess.
+  But the Navy of the Future, TOMMY ATKINS, is our care,
+  We have gone through many changes, and for others must prepare.
+  It will make the Navy popular, more prospect of advance;
+  And what I say is, TOMMY,--_let the young uns have a chance!_
+  Some I know will cry "Impossible," and slate the scheme like fun.
+  Most good things are "impossible," my TOMMY,--_till they're done!_
+  Quarter-decks won't fill from fokesels, not to any great extent;
+  But, give good men a better chance! I guess that's all that's meant.
+  As the _Times_ says, werry sensible and kind-like, preju_dice_,
+  Though strong at first, dies quickly, melts away like thaw-struck ice;
+  If every brave French soldier, with a knapsack on his back,
+  _May_ find a Marshal's baton at the bottom of that pack,
+  Why should not a true British Tar, with pluck, and luck, and wit,
+  Find at last a "Luff's" commission hidden somewheres in his kit?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+WAKING THEM UP.
+
+_FLY-LEAF FROM AN ENERGETIC KAISER'S DIARY._
+
+10 P.M.--Slip out of Opera and take somebody else's overcoat from
+cloak-room when nobody is looking, jump into a four-wheeler, and drive
+to station. Am recognised, and a special train is called out. Give
+them the slip, and get into a horse-box of third-class omnibus-train
+just about to start.
+
+10.15 P.M. t_ 2.30 A.M.--Still in horse-box.
+
+2.45 AM.--Stop at a big town. Hurry out. Stopped for ticket. Throw off
+disguise of somebody else's overcoat, and declare myself. Guard called
+out to escort me. When they are looking the other way, hide under
+refreshment-counter, and get out of station unobserved on all-fours.
+Am collared by a policeman. Again have to declare myself. Give
+policeman twenty marks, bind him to silence, and borrow his official
+cloak. Find out Burgomaster's address. Hammer at his front door till I
+have stirred up the whole household.
+
+4 A.M. to 5 A.M.--Find out the Archbishop. Bang at his front door
+till he puts his head out of window, and wants to know "What on
+earth's the matter?" Hide round the corner. Repeat same business, with
+more or less success, at the residence of the Chief Justice, then at
+that of the Clerk of the Peace, and at those of any other officials
+I can call to mind, winding up by a regular good row at that of the
+General in Command. Trumpeter comes out. Take bugle from him, and give
+the call. General in Command rubs his eyes sleepily, and says he'll be
+down presently.
+
+5 A.M.--Hurry back to station. Catch early cattle-train going back to
+Berlin. Jump on engine, and declare myself. Wire approach down line,
+and tear away with the cattle, at seventy miles an hour, getting
+back to Berlin just in time for breakfast. Fancy I woke them up!
+Altogether, a very enjoyable outing.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: GENUINE ENTHUSIASM.
+
+(_A Thaw Picture_.)
+
+WHAT MATTER AN INCH OR TWO OF SURFACE-WATER, IF THE ICE BE STILL SOUND
+UNDERNEATH!]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"ROUGE ET NOIR!"
+
+OR, JONATHAN'S PERPLEXING PROBLEM.
+
+(_SOME WAY AFTER HOSEA BIGLOW'S "JONATHAN TO JOHN."_)
+
+_Jonathan (who has been reading the Articles on "The Negro Question in
+the United States," in the English "Times") loq._:--
+
+  It may be ez you're right, JOHN,
+    And both my hands _are_ full;
+  _You_ know ez I can fight, JOHN,
+    (I've wiped out "Sitting Bull").
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    We see our fix," sez he.
+  "The 'Thunderer's' paw lays down the law,
+    Accordin' to J.B.
+    To square it's left to _me_!"
+
+  Blood ain't so cool as ink, JOHN;
+    Big words are easy wrote;
+  The "coons"--well, you don't think, JOHN,
+    I'll let 'em cut my throat.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    Ghost-dance must stop," sez he.
+    "Suppose the 'braves' and black ex-slaves
+    Hed b'longed to ole J.B.
+    Insted of unto me?"
+
+  Ten art'cles in your _Times_, JOHN,
+    Hev giv me good advice.
+  I mind th' old Slavery crimes, JOHN.
+    I don't need tellin' twice.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,
+    I only guess," sez he,
+  "Seven million blacks on his folks' backs
+    Would kind o' rile J.B.
+    Ez much ez it riles me!"
+
+  The Red Man,--well, I s'pose, JOHN,
+    We'll hev to wipe _him_ aout.
+  Sech pizonous trash ez those, JOHN,
+    The world kin do without.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    Injuns must go," sez he.
+    "COOPER's Red Man won't fit our plan,
+    Though he once witched J.B.
+    As once he fetched e'en _me_!"
+
+  The Black Man! Ah, that's wuss, JOHN.
+    The chaps wuz right, ay _joost_,
+  Who said the Slavery cuss, JOHN,
+    Wud yet come home to roost.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    The problem set," sez he,
+    "By that derned Nig. is black and big,
+    And fairly puzzles me,
+    Ez it wud do J.B."
+
+  Your _Times_ would right our wrongs, JOHN,
+    --Always _wuz_ sweet on us!--
+  But on dilemma's prongs, JOHN,
+    To fix me don't _you_ fuss.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,
+    Though physic's good," sez he,
+    "It doesn't foller that he can swaller
+    Prescriptions signed J.B.
+    Put up by you for me!"
+
+  Thet swaggerin' black buck Nig., JOHN,
+    Is jest a grown-up kid;
+  Ez happy as a ---- pig, JOHN,
+    When doin' wut he's bid.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    He's hateful when he's free.
+  Equal with _him_, that dark-skinn'd limb?
+    No; that will not suit _me_,
+    More than it wud J.B.!"
+
+  Emigrate the whole lot, JOHN?
+    Well, that's a tallish task!
+  In Afric's centre hot, JOHN,
+    Send 'em to breed and bask?
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    _I_'d be right glad," sez he,
+    "But--_will they go?_ 'Tain't done, you know,
+    As easy as J.B.
+    Wud settle it--for me!"
+
+  _Rouge_--there I see my way, JOHN.
+    But _Noir_--thet's hard to front!
+  It wun't be no child's play, JOHN,
+    Seven million Nigs to shunt.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    We've a hard row," sez he,
+    "To hoe just now, but thet, somehow,
+    I fancy, friend J.B.,
+    Your _Times_ may leave to _me_!"
+
+    [_Left considering it._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+WELCOME BACK!
+
+    [Mr. SANTLEY, who has been long absent in Australia,
+    reappeared at St. James's Hall on Jan. 19, and was received
+    with great enthusiasm.]
+
+  Back from your Australian trip!
+  _Punch_, my CHARLES, your fist must grip.
+  You have lighted on a time
+  When we're all chill, choke, and grime.
+  'Twere no marvel, O great baritone,
+  Did you find your voice had nary tone.
+  But there's none like you can sing
+  "_To Anthea_," "_The Erl-King_."
+  SCHUBERT, GOUNOD, English HATTON,
+  Equally your Fine Art's pat on.
+  _Punch_ can never praise _you_ scantly.
+  _À votre santé_, good CHARLES SANTLEY!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: "ROUGE ET NOIR!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: OUR SPORT AND ART EXHIBITION.
+
+"ON THE SCENT."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FOR _BETTER_--OR WORSE.
+
+    [At the Anti-Gambling Demonstration recently held in Exeter
+    Hall, Sir RICHARD WEBSTER, the Attorney-General, said that it
+    was supposed by many that it was impossible to enjoy athletic
+    pursuits without becoming interested in a pecuniary sense. He
+    should therefore like to add, not for the purpose of holding
+    himself up as an example, that, during his entire interest in
+    sports of all kinds, he had never made a bet.]
+
+  Ah! these are days when Recklessness, bereft of ready cash,
+  Will strive to remedy the void by speculative splash;
+  It is a salutary sight for Bankruptcy and Debt--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  His interest in manly sports, an interest immense,
+  Was ne'er degraded to a mere "pecuniary sense;"
+  His boyhood's love of marbles leaves him nothing to regret--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  Next, when a youth, the cricket-bat he first began to wield,
+  And "Heads or Tails?" re-echoed for the Innings through the field.
+  He sternly scorned to toss the coin, howe'er his friends might fret--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  And when, an Undergraduate, he swiftly skimmed his mile,
+  And comrades staked with confidence on him their little pile,
+  He'd beg them not on his account in gambling ways to get--
+  This good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  To play for money ruins whist: and seldom can his Club
+  Persuade him to put counters (coins for Zulus!) on the rub;
+  He _has_ been known for lozenges to dabble with piquet;
+  He wasn't Chief Attorney then, nor was it _quite_ a bet.
+
+  His wise profession's ornament, he looks on all such games
+  Far otherwise than RUSSELL does, than LOCKWOOD, HALL, or JAMES;
+  For pure platonic love of play he stands, unequalled yet--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  St. Stephen's, too, thinks much of him; but ah! his soul it pains
+  To know that Speculation o'er the lobby sometimes reigns;
+  He's chided OLD MORALITY and RANDOLPH and the set,
+  Beseeching them on bended knees to never make a bet.
+
+  We all are fond of him, in short, the Boxes with the Gods;
+  That he's a first-rate fellow we would gladly lay the odds.
+  But no!--himself would veto that. We must not wound our pet
+  Precise Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE ARISTOTELIAN TREASURE-TROVE.
+
+  All have heard of "a Manuscript found in a Bottle,"
+    But here is a waif with romance yet more fraught:
+  A newly-found treatise by old ARISTOTLE
+    Is flotsam indeed from the Ocean of Thought.
+  Oh, happy discoverer, lucky Museum!
+    Not this time the foreigner scores off JOHN BULL.
+  Teuton pundits would lift, for such luck, their _Te Deum_!
+    No SHAPIRA, _Punch_ hopes, such a triumph to dull!
+  May it all turn out right! Further details won't tire us.
+  We _may_ get some straight-tips from that Coptic papyrus!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ROBERT ON SKATIN'.
+
+Well, I begins to agree with them as says, and says it too as if they
+ment it, that noboddy can reelly tell what is reel grand injiyment
+till they trys it, and trys it farely, and gives it a good chance. I
+remembers how I used to try and like Crikkit, when I was much yunger
+than I am now, and stuck to it in spite of several black eyes when I
+stood pint, and shouts of, "Now then, Butter-Fingers!" when I stood
+leg, till a serten werry fast Bowler sent me away from the wicket with
+two black and blew legs, and then I guv it up. I guv up Foot Ball for
+simler reesuns, and have never attemted not nothink in the Hathlettick
+line ewer since, my sumwat rapid increase in size and wait a hading me
+in that wise resolooshun.
+
+But sumhow it appened, dooring the hawful whether we has all bin a
+shivering threw for this long time, that I found my atenshun direckted
+to the strange fack that, whilst amost ewerybody was busily engaged
+in a cussin and swarin at the bitter cold and the dirty slippery sno,
+ewerybody else seemed to be injying of theirselves like wun-a-clock.
+Now it so appened that when waiting one day upon the young swell I
+have before spoken of, at the "Grand 'Otel," he was jined by another
+swell, who told him what a glorius day's skating he had been avin in
+Hide Park! and how he ment to go agen to-morrer, "if the luvly frost
+wood but continue!"
+
+So my cureosety was naterally egsited, and nex day off I gos to Hide
+Park, and there I seed the xplanation of what had serprised me so
+much. For there was hunderds and hunderds of not only spectably drest
+Gents, but also of reel-looking Ladys, a skatin away like fun, and
+a larfing away and injying theirselves jest as if it had bin a nice
+Summer's day. Presently I append to find myself a standing jest by a
+nice respectabel looking man, with a nice, cumferal-looking chair,
+and seweral pares of Skates; and presently he says to me, quite
+permiscus-like, "They all seems to be a injying theirselves, don't
+they, Sir?" which they most suttenly did; and then he says to me, says
+he, "Do you skate, Sir?" to which my natral pride made me reply, "Not
+much!" "Will you have a pair on. Sir," says he, "jest for a trial?"
+"Is there any fear of a axident?" says I. "Oh no. Sir," says he, "not
+if you follers my hinstrucshuns." So I acshally sets myself down
+in his chair, and lets him put me on a pair of Skates! The first
+differculty was, how to get up, which I found as I coudn't manage
+at all without his asistance; for, strange to say, both of my feet
+insisted on going quite contrary ways. Howewer, by grarsping on him
+quite tite round his waste, I at last manidged to go along three or
+four slides, and then I returned to the chair, and sat down again; and
+he was kind enuff to compliment me, and to say that he thort I was a
+gitting on fust-rate, and, if I woud only cum ewery day for about a
+week or so, he had no dowt but he shood see me a skating a figger of
+hate like the best on 'em!
+
+Hencouraged by his truthfool remarks, I at larst wentured to let go of
+him and try a few slides by myself, and shood no dowt have suckseeded
+hadmerably, but my bootifal stick to which I was a trustin to elp me
+from falling, slided rite away from me in a most unnatral manner,
+and down I came on my onerabel seat, with such a smasher as
+seemed to shake all my foreteen stun into a cocked-hat, to speak,
+hallegorically, and there I lay, elpless and opeless, and wundring how
+on airth I shood ever get up again. But my trusty frend and guide was
+soon at my side, as the Poet says, but all his united force, with that
+of too boys who came to his assistance, and larfed all the wile, as
+rude boys will, coud not get me on my feet agen 'till my too skates
+was taken off, and I agen found myself on _terror fermer_ on my
+friend's chair. It took me longer to recover myself than I shood have
+thort posserbel, but at larst I was enabled to crawl away, but not
+'till my frend had supplied me with jest a nice nip of brandy, which
+he said he kept andy in case of any such surprisin axidents as had
+appened to me.
+
+So what with paying for the use of the skates, and the use of the
+Brandy, and the use of the too boys, and the use of a handsum Cab to
+take me to the "Grand," that was rayther a deer ten minutes skating,
+and as it was reelly and trewly my fust attemt at that poplar and
+xciting passtime, I think I may safely affirm--as I have alreddy done
+to my better harf--whose langwidge, when I related my hadwentur,
+is scarcely worth repeating, as it was most certenly not
+complementary--that it shall be my larst. ROBERT.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: REMINISCENCES OF SPORT IN THE SNOW.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A FREEZING POINT.
+
+(_BY A FROZEN-OUT LOVER._)
+
+  They tell me thou art cold, my sweet--
+    A fact that scarcely odd is.
+  Gales half so cruel never beat
+    Against poor human bodies.
+  Cupid's attire is far too light
+  To weather Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+  How can a glow the soul entrance,
+    When frostbite nips the finger,
+  And blushes quit the countenance
+    To nigh the nostril linger!
+  Warmth were a miracle, in sight
+  And grip of Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+  Chill! chill to _me_, my Paradise!!
+    I'll not complain or curse on.
+  One cannot well be otherwise
+    To any mortal person.
+  Mere icebergs ambulant, we fight
+  Ferocious Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+  Cold art thou? Not so cold as I--
+    Nought living could be colder.
+  I'm far too cold to sob or sigh,
+    Still less in passion smoulder.
+  I'm turning fast to something quite
+  As numb as Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+INFORMATION REQUIRED.--"Sir, I see a Volume advertised entitled,
+_Unspoken Sermons_. I should be glad to know where these are preached,
+as that's the place for yours truly, ONE WHO SNORES."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+NEW BOOK OF IRISH LIFE.--_The Bedad's Sons_. By the Author of the tale
+of Indian Life, _The Begum's Daughters_.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY.
+
+THESE GENTLEMEN ARE EXPECTED TO BE IN A JUDICIAL FRAME OF MIND AFTER
+HANGING ABOUT THE PRECINCTS OF THE COURT FOR SEVERAL DAYS, UNDER
+PENALTY OF A HEAVY FINE, WHILE THEIR PRIVATE BUSINESS IN THE CITY AND
+ELSEWHERE IS GOING TO THE DOGS. (WHY SHOULD NOT HALF-PAY OFFICERS DO
+THE WORK, AND RELIEVE BUSY MEN?)]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
+
+EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
+
+_House of Commons, Thursday, January 22_.--Both Houses met to-day
+after Christmas Recess. No QUEEN's Speech; no moving and seconding of
+Address; no Royal Commission and procession of SPEAKER to Lords. All
+seems strange, and spirits generally a little depressed. Only ROBERT
+FOWLER rises superior to circumstances of hour. Blustering about the
+Lobby "like Boreas," says CAUSTON.
+
+[Illustration: King Yah! Yah!]
+
+"Only not so rude," says HARRY LAWSON, jealous for the reputation of
+Metropolitan Members, even though some sit on the Benches opposite.
+With folded hands thrust behind coat-tails, rollicking stride,
+thunderous voice, and blooming countenance, Sir ROBERT positively
+pervades the Lobby. Personally receives POPE HENNESSY; shakes
+hands with everybody; and finally halting for a moment under the
+electric-lit archway leading into House, presents interesting and
+attractive picture of the Glorified Alderman.
+
+Scotch Members take possession of Commons to-night. LORD ADVOCATE
+brings in Bill, providing new machinery for private legislation; the
+Scotch Members with one accord fall upon proposal, and tear it to
+ribbons. Meanwhile other Members troop off to Lords, where spectacle
+is provided which beats the pantomimes into fits. Two new Peers to
+take their seats; procession formed in back room outside; enters from
+below Bar. First comes Black Rod, with nothing black about him; then
+Garter King-at-Arms, a herculean personage, fully five feet high, with
+a dangerous gleam in his eye, and the Royal Arms of England quartered
+in scarlet and blue and gold on his manly back. Behind, in red cloaks
+slashed with ermine, the new Baron and his escort of two brother
+Peers. There being no room for them to advance in due procession, they
+fall into single file, make their way to the Woolsack, where sits that
+pink of chivalry, that mould of fashion, that perfection of form, the
+LORD HIGH CHANCELLOR.
+
+New Peer drops on one knee, presents bundle of paper to LORD
+CHANCELLOR. L.C., coyly turning his head on one side, gingerly takes
+roll, hands it to Attendant. New Peer gets up; procession bundles back
+to table; here Gentleman in wig and gown gabbles something from long
+document. New Peer writes his name in a book (probably promising
+subscription towards expenses of performance.) Garter King-at-Arms
+getting to the front trots off with comically short strides for
+so great a dignity; New Peer and escort follow, Black Rod solemnly
+bringing up rear. Garter King makes for Cross Benches by the
+door; passes along one, the rest following, as if playing game of
+Follow-my-leader. Garter King suddenly making off to the right, walks
+up Gangway to row of empty Benches. Stops at the topmost row but one,
+and passes along. New Peer wants to follow him. Garter King prods him
+in chest with small stick, and tells him to go on to the Bench above.
+This he does, with escort. Meanwhile, Black Rod left out in the cold.
+Garter King motions to three Peers to be seated; tells them to put on
+their cocked-hats; counts ten; nods to them; they rise to feet, uplift
+cocked-hats in direction of LORD CHANCELLOR on Woolsack. He raises his
+in return of salute. Three Peers sit down again. Garter King counts
+ten; nods; up they get again, salute LORD CHANCELLOR; sit down once
+more. "One--two--three--four--ten," Garter King mumbles to himself.
+Once more they rise; salute LORD CHANCELLOR; then Garter King leading
+the way, they march back to Woolsack.
+
+Garter King now introduces new Member to LORD CHANCELLOR. L.C. starts
+as if he had never seen him before; then extends right hand; New Peer
+shakes it, procession reformed, walks out behind Bar. A few minutes
+later, another comes in, all the business done over again. Impressive,
+but a little monotonous, and as soon as possible after its conclusion
+Noble Lords go home.
+
+_Business done_.--In Commons, Private Bill Legislation Bill read a
+Second Time.
+
+_Friday_.--WM. O'BRIEN, standing with tear-stained face on pier at
+Boulogne waving wet handkerchief across the main, has drawn away
+JUSTIN McCARTHY, who can't be back till Monday. PARNELL was to have
+come down to-day, and, making believe to be still Leader of United
+Irishmen, asked OLD MORALITY to set aside day for discussion of his
+Motion on operation of Crimes Act. BRER FOX accordingly looked in
+shortly after SPEAKER took the Chair.
+
+[Illustration: Dr. Channing in the Pulpit.]
+
+"Seen BRER RABBIT anywhere about, TOBY?" he asked.
+
+So I up and told him about McCARTHY's new journey to Boulogne.
+
+"Oh, indeed," said BRER FOX; "if that's the case, I think I won't
+trouble House to-night. Got an engagement elsewhere; think I'll go and
+keep it. Not used to hanging about here, as you know; awful bore
+to me; but as long as BRER RABBIT comes here, I must be on spot to
+vindicate my position. So I'll say ta-ta. No--never mind ringing for
+fire-escape; can walk down the steps to-day."
+
+Thus there being no Irish Leader on the premises, and hardly any Irish
+Members, had a rare chance for attending to British business. CHANNING
+brought on question of working Overtime on the Railways; moved
+Resolution invoking interference of Board of Trade. Question a little
+awkward for Government. Couldn't afford to offend Railway Directors,
+yet wouldn't do to flout numerous body of working-men, chiefly voters.
+Proposed to shelve business by appointment of Select Committee.
+Opposition not going to let them off so easily. Debate kept up all
+night, winding up with critical Division; Government majority only 17.
+
+"And this," said OLD MORALITY, with injured look, "after PLUNKET's
+brilliant oration on the time-tables of the London and North-Western
+Railway Company! If he'd only illustrated it with magic-lantern,
+things would have gone differently." But he was obstinate; said there
+would be difficulty in arranging the slides, and so rejected proposal.
+
+_Business done_.--CHANNING's Resolution about Overtime on Railways
+negatived by 141 Votes against 124.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HOMAGE TO SIR JAMES HANNEN.
+
+Sir,--As the recognised organ of the legal profession, will you permit
+me to address you? It is common knowledge that within the last few
+days the Right Honourable Sir JAMES HANNEN has been raised to a
+dignity greater than that he has been able to claim for the last
+eighteen years, when he has sat as President of the Probate, Divorce,
+and Admiralty Division of the High Court of Justice. On leaving the
+Court in which so many of us were known to him, he was kind enough
+to say, "Those eighteen years had been eighteen years of happiness to
+him, chiefly arising from the advantage he had had in having before
+him habitually practising in that Court Barristers who had felt that
+their part was just as important as his in the administration
+of Justice, and who had assisted him enormously. Without their
+assistance, his task would have been an arduous one, whereas it had
+been, as he had said, an agreeable one." As I personally have had the
+honour of appearing before his Lordship for many years, I think that
+it is only right that I should make some acknowledgment of this kind
+recognition of my services.
+
+It is quite true that I have felt, as Sir JAMES HANNEN suggests, that
+my part (humble as it may have been) has been just as important as his
+in the administration of Justice. But it is gratifying to me beyond
+measure to learn that my invariable custom of bowing to his
+Lordship on the commencement and conclusion of each day's forensic
+duties--which has been the limit of my "habitual practice" in the
+Probate Division--should "have assisted him enormously." I can only
+say that, thanks to his unvarying kindness and courtesy, my daily
+recognition of his greetings from the Bench, instead of being an
+arduous task, has ever been an agreeable one. I have the honour to
+remain, Sir, your very obedient servant,
+
+(_Signed_)
+
+A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR.
+
+_Pump-Handle Court, January 24, 1891._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"PRO-DIGIOUS!"--In last Sunday's _Observer_ we read that at St.
+Petersburg Madame MELBA, as _Juliette, "was recalled thirty-one times
+before the proscenium._" The italics are ours, rather! If this sort of
+thing is to be repeated during the Opera season here, and each gifted
+singer is recalled in proportion to his or her merits, the audience
+will not get away till the following morning. _Juliette_ must have
+said, on the above-mentioned occasion, "Parting is such sweet sorrow,
+That I could say 'good-night' until to-morrow." And the usual chorus
+of operatic _habitués_ will be, "We won't go home till morning. Till
+daylight doth appear!" with _refrain_, "For--she (or he)'s a jolly
+good singer," &c., _ad infinitum_, or "_ad infi-next-nightum_."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE FRIEZE OF THE PARTHENON.
+
+ENGLAND TO ATHENS:--
+
+  O Queen of Cities, with a crown of woe,
+    Scarred by the ruin of two thousand years,
+  By fraud and by barbarian force laid low,
+    Buried in dust, and watered with the tears
+  Of unregarded bondmen, toiling on,
+  Crushed in the shadow of their Parthenon;
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+  Mother of heroes, Athens, nought availed
+    The Macedonian's triumph, or the chain
+  Of Rome; the conquering Osmanli failed,
+    His myriad hosts have trampled thee in vain.
+  They for thy deathless body raised the pyre,
+  And held the torch, but Heaven forbade the fire.
+
+  Then didst thou rise, and, shattering thy bands,
+    Burst in war's thunder on the Muslim horde,
+  Who shrank appalled before thee, while thy hands
+    Wielded again the imperishable sword,
+  The sword that smote the Persian when he came,
+  Countless as sand, thy virgin might to tame.
+
+  Mother of freemen, Athens, thou art free,
+    Free as the spirits of thy mighty dead;
+  And Freedom's northern daughter calls to thee,
+    "How shall I help thee, sister? Raise thy head,
+  O Athens, say what can I give thee now,
+  I who am free, to deck thy marble brow?"
+
+
+ATHENS REPLIES:--
+
+  Shot-dinted, but defiant of decay,
+    Stand my gaunt columns in a tragic line,
+  The shattered relics of a glorious day,
+   Mute guardians of the lost Athena's shrine.
+  The flame of hope, that faded to despair
+  Ere Hellas burst her chains, is imaged there.
+
+  Yet one there was who came to her for gain,
+    Ere yet the years of her despair were run;
+  And with harsh zeal defaced the ruined fane
+    Full in the blazing light of Hellas' sun.
+  Spoiling my home with sacrilegious hand,
+  He bore his captives to a foreign land.
+
+  Ilissus mourns his tutelary god,
+    Theseus in some far city doth recline:
+  Lost is the Horse of Night that erstwhile trod
+    My hall; the god-like shapes that once were mine
+  Call to me, "Mother save us ere we die,
+  Far from thy arms beneath a sunless sky."
+
+  How shall I answer? for my arms are fain
+    To clasp them fast upon the rock-bound steep,
+  Their ancient home. Shall Athens yearn in vain,
+    And all in vain must woful Hellas weep?
+  Must the indignant shade of PHIDIAS mourn
+  For his dear city, free but how forlorn?
+
+  How shall I answer? Nay, I turn to thee,
+    England, and pray thee, from thy northern throne
+  Step down and hearken, give them back to me,
+    O generous sister, give me back mine own.
+  Thy jewelled forehead needs no alien gem
+  Torn from a hapless sister's diadem.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS.,
+Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no
+case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed
+Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol.
+100., Jan. 31, 1891, by Various
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13067 ***
diff --git a/13067-h/13067-h.htm b/13067-h/13067-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8d42d49
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/13067-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,2122 @@
+<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN"
+    "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
+<head>
+    <meta http-equiv="Content-Type"
+          content="text/html; charset=UTF-8" />
+
+    <title>Punch, January 31, 1891.</title>
+    <style type="text/css">
+    /*<![CDATA[*/
+
+    <!--
+    body                 {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+    p                    {text-align: justify;}
+    blockquote           {text-align: justify;}
+    h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6    {text-align: center;}
+    pre                  {font-size: 0.7em;}
+
+    hr                   {text-align: center; width: 50%;}
+    html>body hr         {margin-right: 25%; margin-left: 25%; width: 50%;}
+    hr.full              {width: 100%;}
+    html>body hr.full    {margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 0%; width: 100%;}
+    hr.short             {text-align: center; width: 20%;}
+    html>body hr.short   {margin-right: 40%; margin-left: 40%; width: 20%;}
+
+    .note
+    {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;}
+
+    span.pagenum
+    {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt;}
+
+    .poem
+    {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;}
+    .poem .stanza        {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;}
+    .poem p              {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;}
+    .poem p.i2           {margin-left: 1em;}
+    .poem p.i4           {margin-left: 2em;}
+    .poem p.i6           {margin-left: 3em;}
+    .poem p.i8           {margin-left: 4em;}
+    .poem p.i10          {margin-left: 5em;}
+
+    .figure, .figcenter, .figright, .figleft
+    {padding: 1em; margin: 0; text-align: center; font-size: 0.8em;}
+    .figure img, .figcenter img, .figright img, .figleft img
+                       {border: none;}
+    .figure p, .figcenter p, .figright p, .figleft p
+                       {margin: 0; text-indent: 1em;}
+    .figcenter           {margin: auto;}
+    .figright            {float: right;}
+    .figleft             {float: left;}
+
+    .inline              {border: none; vertical-align: middle;}
+
+    .footnote            {font-size: 0.9em; margin-right: 10%; margin-left: 10%;}
+
+    .side { float:right;
+          font-size: 75%;
+          width: 25%;
+          padding-left:10px;
+          border-left: dashed thin;
+          margin-left: 10px;
+          text-align: left;
+          text-indent: 0;
+          font-weight: bold;
+          font-style: italic;}
+    -->
+    /*]]>*/
+    </style>
+</head>
+
+<body>
+<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13067 ***</div>
+
+    <h1>PUNCH,<br />
+     OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1>
+
+    <h2>Vol. 100.</h2>
+    <hr class="full" />
+
+    <h2>January 31, 1891.</h2>
+    <hr class="full" />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page49"
+       id="page49"></a>[pg 49]</span>
+
+    <h2>VOCES POPULI.</h2>
+
+    <h3>A ROW IN THE PIT; OR, THE OBSTRUCTIVE HAT.</h3>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>SCENE&mdash;<i>The Pit during Pantomime Time.</i></p>
+
+        <p><i>The Overture is beginning.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <div class="figright"
+         style="width:25%;">
+        <a href="images/49-1.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/49-1.png"
+             alt="" /></a>
+    </div>
+
+    <p><i>An Over-heated Matron</i> (<i>to her Husband</i>). Well,
+    they don't give you much <i>room</i> in 'ere, I <i>must</i>
+    say. Still, we done better than I expected, after all that
+    crushing. I thought my ribs was gone once&mdash;but it was on'y
+    the umbrella's. You pretty comfortable where you are, eh.
+    Father?</p>
+
+    <p><i>Father</i>. Oh, I'm right enough, I am.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy</i> (<i>their Son; a small boy, with a piping
+    voice</i>). If <i>Father</i> is, it's more nor what <i>I</i>
+    am. I can't see, Mother, I can't!</p>
+
+    <p><i>His Mother</i>. Lor' bless the boy! there ain't nothen to
+    <i>see</i> yet; you'll see well enough when the Curting goes
+    up. (<i>Curtain rises on opening scene</i>). Look, JIMMY, ain't
+    <i>that</i> nice, now? All them himps dancin' round, and real
+    fire comin' out of the pot&mdash;which I 'ope it's quite
+    safe&mdash;and there's a beautiful fairy just come on, dressed
+    so grand, too!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy</i>. I can't see no fairy&mdash;nor yet no
+    himps&mdash;no nothen! [<i>He whimpers</i>.</p>
+
+    <p><i>His Mother</i> (<i>annoyed</i>). Was there ever such a
+    aggravating boy to take anywheres! Set quiet, do, and don't
+    fidget, and look at the hactin'!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy</i>. I tell yer I can't <i>see</i> no hactin',
+    Mother. It ain't my fault&mdash;it's this lady in front o' me,
+    with the 'at.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Mother</i> (<i>perceiving the justice of his
+    complaints</i>). Father, the pore boy says he can't see where
+    he is, 'cause of a lady's hat in front.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Father.</i> Well, <i>I</i> can't 'elp the 'at, can I? He
+    must put up with it, that's all!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Mother.</i> No&mdash;but I thought, if you wouldn't mind
+    changing places with him&mdash;you're taller than him, and it
+    wouldn't be in your way 'arf so much.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Father.</i> It's always the way with you&mdash;never
+    satisfied, <i>you</i> ain't! Well, pass the boy
+    across&mdash;I'm for a quiet life, I am. (<i>Changing
+    seats.</i>) Will <i>this</i> do for you?</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>He settles down immediately behind a very large, and
+        furry, and feathery hat, which he dodges for some time,
+        with the result of obtaining an occasional glimpse of a
+        pair of legs on the stage.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>Father</i> (<i>suddenly</i>). D&mdash;&mdash; the
+    'at!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Mother.</i> You can't wonder at the <i>boy</i> not
+    seeing! P'raps the lady wouldn't might taking it off, if you
+    asked her?</p>
+
+    <p><i>Father.</i> Ah! (<i>He touches</i> The Owner of the Hat
+    <i>on the shoulder.</i>) Excuse me, Mum, but might I take the
+    liberty of asking you to kindly remove your 'at? [The Owner of
+    the Hat <i>deigns no reply.</i></p>
+
+    <p><i>Father</i> (<i>more insistently</i>). <i>Would</i> you
+    'ave any objection to oblige me by taking off your 'at, Mum?
+    (<i>Same result.</i>) I don't know if you <i>'eard</i> me, Mum,
+    but I've asked you twice, civil enough, to take that 'at of
+    yours off. I'm a playin' 'Ide and Seek be'ind it 'ere!</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>No answer.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>The Mother.</i> People didn't ought to be allowed in the
+    Pit with sech 'ats! Callin' 'erself a lady&mdash;and settin'
+    there in a great 'at and feathers like a 'Ighlander's, and
+    never answering no more nor a stuffed himage!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Father</i> (<i>to the Husband of The Owner of the
+    Hat</i>). Will you tell your good lady to take her 'at off,
+    Sir, please?</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Owner of the Hat</i> (<i>to her Husband</i>). Don't
+    you do nothing of the sort, SAM, or you'll <i>'ear</i> of
+    it!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Mother.</i> Some people are perlite, I must say.
+    Parties might <i>beyave</i> as ladies when they come in the
+    Pit! It's a pity her 'usband can't teach her better
+    manners!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Father.</i> <i>'Im</i> teach her! 'E knows better.
+    'E's got a Tartar there, <i>'e</i> 'as!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Owner of the Hat.</i> SAM, are you going to set by
+    and hear me insulted like this?</p>
+
+    <p><i>Her Husband</i> (<i>turning round tremulously</i>).
+    I&mdash;I'll trouble you to drop making these personal
+    allusions to my wife's 'at, Sir. It's puffickly impossible to
+    listen to what's going on on the stage, with all these remarks
+    be'ind!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Father.</i> Not more nor it is to <i>see</i> what's
+    going on on the stage with that 'at in front! I paid
+    'arf-a-crown to see the Pantermime, I did; not to 'ave a view
+    of your wife's 'at!... 'Ere, MARIA, blowed if I can stand this
+    'ere game any longer. JIMMY must change places again, and if he
+    can't see, he must stand up on the seat, that's all!</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[JIMMY <i>is transferred to his original place, and
+        mounts upon the seat.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>A Pittite behind Jimmy</i> (<i>touching up</i> JIMMY's
+    Father <i>with an umbrella</i>). Will you tell your little boy
+    to set down, please, and not block the view like this?</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy's Father</i>. If you can indooce that lady in front
+    to take off her 'at, I will&mdash;but not before. Stay where
+    you are, JIMMY, my boy.</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Pittite behind.</i> Well, I must stand myself then,
+    that's all. I mean to see, <i>somehow</i>! [<i>He
+    rises.</i></p>
+
+    <p><i>People behind him</i> (<i>sternly</i>). Set down there,
+    will yer?</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>He resumes his seat expostulating.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy</i>. Father, the gentleman behind is a pinching of
+    my legs!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy's Father.</i> Will you stop pinching my little
+    boy's legs! He ain't doing you no 'arm&mdash;is he?</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Pinching Pittite</i>. Let him sit down, then!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy's Father.</i> Let the lady take her 'at off!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Murmurs behind.</i> Order, there! Set down! Put that boy
+    down! Take orf that 'at! Silence in front, there! Turn 'em out!
+    Shame!... &amp;c., &amp;c.</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Husband of the O. of the H.</i> (<i>in a whisper to
+    his Wife</i>). Take off the blessed 'at, and have done with it,
+    do!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The O. of the H.</i> What&mdash;<i>now</i>? I'd sooner
+    <i>die</i> in the 'at!</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>An</i> Attendant <i>is called.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>The Attendant.</i> Order, there, Gentlemen,
+    please&mdash;unless you want to get turned out! No standing
+    allowed on the seats&mdash;you're disturbing the performance
+    'ere, you know!</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[JIMMY <i>is made to sit down, and weeps silently; the
+        hubbub gradually subsides&mdash;and</i> The Owner of the
+        Hat <i>triumphs&mdash;for the moment.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy's Mother.</i> Never mind, my boy, you shall have
+    Mother's seat in a minute. I dessay, if all was known, the lady
+    'as reasons for keeping her 'at on, pore thing!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Father.</i> Ah, I never thought o' that. So she may.
+    Very likely her 'at won't <i>come</i> off&mdash;not without her
+    <i>'air!</i></p>
+
+    <p><i>The Mother.</i> Ah, well, we musn't be 'ard on her, if
+    that's so.</p>
+
+    <p><i>The O. of the H.</i> (<i>removing the obstruction</i>). I
+    'ope you're satisfied <i>now</i>, I'm sure?</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Father</i> (<i>handsomely</i>). Better late nor
+    never, Mum, and we take it kind of you. Though, why you
+    shouldn't ha' done it at fust, I dunno; for you look a deal
+    'ansomer without the 'at than, what you did in
+    it&mdash;<i>don't</i> she, MARIA?</p>
+
+    <p><i>The O. of the H.</i> (<i>mollified</i>). SAM, ask the
+    gentleman behind if his boy would like a ginger-nut.</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>This olive-branch is accepted; compliments pass;
+        cordiality is restored, and the Pantomime proceeds without
+        further disturbance.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>SOMETHING LIKE A SUBSCRIPTION!</h2>
+
+    <h4>(<i>A Page from the Book of Philanthropy.</i>)</h4>
+
+    <p>The Committee waited impatiently the arrival of the Great
+    and Good Man. It was their duty to obtain a donation&mdash;an
+    ample one&mdash;from the Millionnaire whose charity was
+    renowned far and wide, from one end of the world to the other.
+    At length he appeared before them.</p>
+
+    <div class="figright"
+         style="width:22%;">
+        <a href="images/49-2.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/49-2.png"
+             alt="" /></a>
+    </div>
+
+    <p>"What can I do for you?" he asked, with a smile that
+    absolutely shone with benevolence.</p>
+
+    <p>"You know, Sir, that the claims of the poor in the Winter
+    are numerous, and difficult to meet?"</p>
+
+    <p>"Certainly I do," returned the Man of Wealth, "and hope that
+    you are about to ask me for a subscription."</p>
+
+    <p>"Indeed we were," cried the spokesman of the Committee, his
+    eyes filling with grateful tears. "May I put you down for five
+    pounds?"</p>
+
+    <p>"Five pounds!" echoed the Millionnaire, impatiently, "What
+    is five pounds?&mdash;<i>five thousand</i> is much more like
+    the figure! Now, I will give you five thousand pounds on one
+    condition."</p>
+
+    <p>"Name it!" cried the Deputation in a breath.</p>
+
+    <p>"The simplest thing in the world," continued the
+    Millionnaire. "I will give you five thousand pounds on the
+    condition that you get ninety-nine other fellows to do the
+    same. Nay, you shall thank me when all is collected. I can wait
+    till then."</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>The above words were spoken more than thirty years ago.
+    Since then the Deputation have been waiting for the other
+    fellows&mdash;and so has the Millionnaire!</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>Professor v. Professor.</h3>
+
+    <p>PROFESSOR VIRCHOW seems by no means Koch-sure about the
+    <i>tuberculosis</i> remedy. Indeed Professor KOCH finds that
+    there is not only "much virtue in an 'if,'" but much "if" in a
+    VIRCHOW! He is inclined to sing with SWINBURNE:&mdash;</p>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Come down, and redeem us from VIRCHOW."</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page50"
+       id="page50"></a>[pg 50]</span>
+
+    <h2>THE FRIEND OF IRELAND AND THE WORDY KNIFE-GRINDER.</h2>
+
+    <h4>(<i>Imitation Sapphics some way after Canning and
+    Frere.</i>)</h4>
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:100%;">
+        <a href="images/50.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/50.png"
+             alt="Wordy Knife-Grinder." /></a><i>Wordy
+             Knife-Grinder</i>. "STORY! GOD BLESS YOU! I HAVE NONE
+             TO TELL, SIR!"
+    </div>
+
+    <p><i>Friend of Ireland</i>:&mdash;</p>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Wordy Knife-Grinder! Whither are you going?</p>
+
+            <p>Dark is your way&mdash;your wheel looks out of
+            order&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Mitchelstown palls, and there seems no more spell
+            in</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">O'BRIEN's breeches!</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Wordy Knife-Grinder, little think the proud
+            ones,</p>
+
+            <p>Who in their speeches prate about their Union-</p>
+
+            <p>Ism, what hard work 'tis to keep a Party</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Tightly together!</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Tell me, Knife-Grinder, what <i>your</i> little
+            game is.</p>
+
+            <p>Do you mean playing straight with me and others?</p>
+
+            <p>Or would you jocky Erin like a confounded</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Saxon attorney?</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Give us a glimpse of that same Memorandum!</p>
+
+            <p>Pledge yourself clear to what needs no
+            explaining!</p>
+
+            <p>Prove that your plan is not quite a sham,
+            sly-whittled</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Down into
+            nullity!</p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page51"
+               id="page51"></a>[pg 51]</span>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Ere I depart (if go I must, TIM HEALY)</p>
+
+            <p>Give me a pledge that I'm not sold for nothing.</p>
+
+            <p>Tell us in plain round words, without evasion,
+            the</p>
+
+            <p class="i10"><i>True</i> Hawarden story."</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p><i>Knife-Grinder</i>.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Story! God bless yer! I have none to tell, Sir!</p>
+
+            <p><i>Never</i> tell stories, I; 'tis my sole
+            business</p>
+
+            <p>This Wheel to turn with treadle and cry, 'Knives
+            and</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Scissors to grind O!'</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Constabulary? Question of Land Purchase?</p>
+
+            <p>Number of Irish Members due in justice?</p>
+
+            <p>Never said aught about 'em; don't intend
+            to&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Not for the present.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"I shall be glad to do what honour urgeth;</p>
+
+            <p>Grind on alone, if you will give me
+            <i>carte-blanche</i>,</p>
+
+            <p>Make room for JUSTIN, and forbear to meddle</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">With politics, Sir!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p><i>Friend of Ireland</i>.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"<i>I</i> give thee <i>carte-blanche?</i> I will see
+            thee blowed first&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Fraud! whom no frank appeal can move to
+            frankness&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Sophist, evasive, garrulous, word-web-spinning</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Subtle Old Spider!!!"</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+
+    <p>[<i>Kicks the Knife-Grinder, overturns his Wheel, and exit
+    in a fury of patriotic enthusiasm and forcible
+    language.</i></p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>CAPITAL AND LABOUR FORECAST;</h2>
+
+    <h4><i>Or, Six of One and Half-a-Dozen of the Other.</i></h4>
+
+    <p>Though in some quarters a better feeling was reported to
+    have prevailed, still, according to latest accounts, the
+    outlook can scarcely be regarded as satisfactory. A meeting of
+    the Amalgamated Engineering Tram-Drivers' Mutual
+    Stand-Shoulder-to-Shoulder Strangulation Society was held on
+    Glasgow Green yesterday afternoon, at which, amid a good deal
+    of boisterous interruption, several delegates addressed the
+    assembled audience and recounted their recent experiences up to
+    date. There were still 1700 of the Company's old hands out of
+    work, and though, thanks to the profound enthusiasm, "their
+    just cause" had excited amidst the Trade Societies in the
+    South, by which, owing to subscriptions from no less important
+    bodies than the Bootmakers' Benevolent Grandmothers'
+    Association, and Superannuated Undertakers' Orphan Society,
+    they had been able to stay out and defy the Company, receiving
+    all the while, every man of them, a stipend of 3<i>s.</i>
+    9<i>d.</i> a-week, still they had almost come to the end of
+    their resources, and all that they had in hand towards next
+    week's fund for distribution, was £1 13<i>s.</i>
+    7-1/2<i>d.</i>, received in coppers from the Deputy-Chairman of
+    the Metropolitan Boys' Boot-blacking Brigade, accompanied with
+    an intimation that that help must be regarded as the last that
+    can be counted on from that quarter. Under these circumstances
+    it became a question whether it was not almost time to consider
+    some terms of compromise.</p>
+
+    <p>In the above sense one of the speakers addressed the
+    meeting, but he was speedily followed by another, who insisted
+    that, "come what might," they would stick to their latest
+    terms, which were, a three-hours' day&mdash;(<i>loud
+    cheers</i>)&mdash;and time-and-three-quarters for any work
+    expected after three o'clock in the afternoon. (<i>Prolonged
+    cheering</i>.)</p>
+
+    <p>A Delegate here rose, and said it was all very well their
+    cheering, but could they get it? (<i>A Voice, "We'll try!"</i>)
+    For his part, the speaker continued, he had had enough of
+    trying. With wife and children starving at home, he had only
+    one course open to him, and that was, to knock under to the
+    Company and their ten-hours' day, if they would have him.
+    (<i>Groans, amid which the Speaker had his hat knocked over his
+    eyes, and was kicked out of the assembly</i>.)</p>
+
+    <p>The discussion was then continued, much in the same vein,
+    and eventually culminated in a free fight, in which the
+    Chairman got his head broken, on declaring that a Motion
+    further limiting the working day to two hours and a half, was
+    lost by a narrow majority.</p>
+
+    <p>Yesterday afternoon the Directors' Mutual Anti-Labour
+    Protection Company met at their Central Offices for the
+    despatch of their usual business. The ordinary Report was read,
+    which announced that though the affairs of three great Railway
+    Companies had "gone" literally "to the dogs," still, the
+    Directors of each had to be congratulated on showing a firm
+    front, in refusing to acknowledge even the existence of their
+    <i>employés</i>. The usual congratulatory Motions were put,
+    <i>pro formâ</i>, and passed, and, amid a general manifestation
+    of gloomy satisfaction, the meeting was further adjourned.</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>"A Salvage Man."</h3>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Rudyard Kipling has hit on a picturesque plan;</p>
+
+            <p>He describes in strong language "the savage in
+            Man."</p>
+
+            <p>Whilst amongst the conventions he raids and he
+            ravages.</p>
+
+            <p>We'd like just a leetle more "Man" in his
+            savages.</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:50%;">
+        <a href="images/51.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/51.png"
+             alt="IN SELF-DEFENCE." /></a>
+
+        <h3>IN SELF-DEFENCE.</h3>
+
+        <p><i>Jones</i> (<i>who has just told his best Story, and
+        been rewarded with a gentle smile</i>). "UPON MY WORD,
+        WOMEN HAVEN'T GOT THE REAL SENSE OF HUMOUR! WHY, WHEN I
+        HEARD THAT STORY FOR THE FIRST TIME, ONLY LAST WEEK, I
+        SIMPLY ROARED!"</p>
+
+        <p><i>Miss Smith</i>. "SO DID I&mdash;ONLY IT WAS LAST
+        YEAR!"</p>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>FROM OUR MUSICAL BOX.</h2>
+
+    <p>We sent our Musical Box (Cox being unable to accompany him
+    on the piano or any other instrument, by reason of the severe
+    weather) to hear STAVENHAGEN at St. James's Hall, Thursday
+    last, the 22nd. Our Musical B. was nearly turned out of the
+    hall, he was in such ecstasies of delight over a Beethovenly
+    <i>concerto</i>, which "bangs Banagher," he said, subsequently
+    translating the expression by explaining, "that is, beats
+    BEETHOVEN." Our M.B. wept over a <i>cadenza</i> composed by the
+    performer, and was only restored by the appearance&mdash;her
+    first&mdash;of Madame STAVENHAGEN, who gave somebody's grand
+    <i>scena</i> far better, probably, than that somebody could
+    have given it himself, set as it was to fine descriptive music
+    by the clever STAVENHAGEN, which delighted all hearers,
+    especially those who were Liszt-eners. "Altogether," writes our
+    Musical Box, "a very big success. Music is thirsty work. I am
+    now about to do a symphony in B. and S."</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>VICE VERSÂ.</h3>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>A poet in the <i>Forum</i> asks the question,</p>
+
+            <p>"Is Verse in Danger?" 'Tis a wild suggestion!</p>
+
+            <p>Is Verse in Danger? Nay, <i>that</i>'s not the
+            curse;</p>
+
+            <p>Danger (of utter boredom) is in Verse!</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>"ODD MAN OUT."&mdash;On Saturday last, the last among the
+    theatrical advertisements in the <i>Daily Telegraph</i> was the
+    mysterious one, "MR. CHARLES SUGDEN AT LIBERTY," and then
+    followed his address. "At Liberty!" What does it mean? Has he
+    been&mdash;it is a little difficult to choose the right word,
+    but let us say immured&mdash;has he been immured in some
+    cell?&mdash;for it does sound like a "sell" of another
+    sort&mdash;and has he at last effected a sensational escape? No
+    doubt CHARLES, our friend, will be able to offer the public a
+    satisfactory explanation when he re-appears on the Stage which
+    suffers from his absence.</p>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page52"
+       id="page52"></a>[pg 52]</span>
+
+    <h2>PLAYING OLD GOOSEBERRY AT THE HAYMARKET;</h2>
+
+    <h4><i>Or, The Dook, the Dancing Girl, and the Little Lame
+    Duck.</i></h4>
+
+    <p>What is to be admired in ENERY HAUTHOR JONES is not so much
+    his work but his pluck,&mdash;for has he not, in the first
+    place, overcome the prudery of the Lord Chamberlain's Licensing
+    Department, and, in the second place, has he not introduced on
+    the boards of the Haymarket a good old-fashioned Melodrama,
+    brought "up to date," and disguised in a Comedy wrapper? Walk
+    in, Ladies and Gentlemen, and see <i>The Dancing Girl</i>, a
+    Comedy-Drama shall we call it, or, generically, a Play? wherein
+    the prominent figures are a wicked Duke,&mdash;<i>vice</i> the
+    "wicked Baronet," now shelved, as nothing under the ducal rank
+    will suit us nowadays, bless you!&mdash;a Provincial Puritan
+    family, an honest bumpkin lover, a devil of a dancing woman who
+    lives a double-shuffling sort of life, an angel of a lame
+    girl,&mdash;who, of course, can't cut capers but goes in for
+    coronets,&mdash;a sly, unprincipled, and calculating kind of
+    angel she is too, but an audience that loves Melodrama is above
+    indulging in uncharitable analysis of motive,&mdash;a town
+    swell in the country, a more or less unscrupulous land-agent,
+    and a genuine, honest "heavy father," of the ancient type, with
+    a good old-fashioned melodramatic father's curse ready at the
+    right moment, the last relic of a bygone period of the
+    transpontine Melodrama, which will bring tears to the eyes of
+    many an elderly playgoer on hearing the old familiar formula,
+    in the old familiar situation, reproduced on the stage of the
+    modern Haymarket as if through the medium of a phonophone.</p>
+
+    <div class="figright"
+         style="width:50%;">
+        <a href="images/52-1.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/52-1.png"
+             alt="FINAL TABLEAU, ACT I." /></a>
+
+        <h4>FINAL TABLEAU, ACT I.</h4>"O does not a Meeting (House)
+        like this make amends?"<br />
+         <i>Ham Christison</i> (<i>Clown</i>). "Ullo! Oh my! I'm a
+        looking at yer!"
+    </div>
+
+    <p>At all events, <i>Drusilla Ives, alias</i> "the Dancing Girl
+    "&mdash;though as to where she dances, how she dances, and when
+    she dances, we are left pretty well in the dark, as she only
+    gives so slight a taste of her quality that it seemed like a
+    very amateurish imitation of Miss KATE VAUGHAN in her best
+    day,&mdash;<i>Drusilla Ives</i> is the mistress, neither pure
+    nor simple, of the <i>Duke of Guisebury</i>,&mdash;a title
+    which is evidently artfully intended by the, at present, "Only
+    JONES" to be a compound of the French "Guise" and the English
+    "Bury,"&mdash;who from his way of going on and playing old
+    gooseberry with his property, might have been thus styled with
+    advantage: and so henceforth let us think and speak of him as
+    His Grace or His Disgrace the Duke of Gooseberry.</p>
+
+    <p>This Duke of Gooseberry visits, "quite
+    unbeknown,"&mdash;being, for this occasion only, the Duke of
+    Disguisebury,&mdash;his own property, the Island of St.
+    Endellion, just to see, we suppose, what sort of people the
+    Quaker family may be from which his mistress, the Dancing
+    Quakeress (and how funny she used to be at the Music Halls and
+    at the Gaiety!), has sprung. For some reason or other, the
+    Dancing Quakeress has gone to stay a few weeks with her family
+    in the country, and while this hypocritical Daughter of
+    HERODIAS is with her Quaker belongings at prayers in the
+    Meeting House, the spirit moveth her to come out, and to come
+    out uncommonly strong, as, within a yard or so of the building,
+    she laughs and talks loudly with Gooseberry, and then in a
+    light-hearted way she treats the Dook to some amateur
+    imitations of ELLEN TERRY, finishing up with a reminiscence of
+    KATE VAUGHAN; all of which <i>al fresco</i> entertainment is
+    given for the benefit of the aforesaid Gooseberry within sound
+    of the sermon and within sight of the Meeting House windows.
+    Suddenly her rustic Quaker lover, a kind of <i>Ham
+    Peggotty</i>, lounges out of the Conventicle, which, as these
+    persons seem to leave and enter just when it suits them, ought
+    rather to be called a Chapel-of-Ease,&mdash;and, like the clown
+    that he is, says in effect, "I'm a-looking at yer! I've caught
+    yer at it!" Dismay of Dook and Dancer!! then Curtain on a most
+    emphatically effective situation.</p>
+
+    <div class="figleft"
+         style="width:45%;">
+        <a href="images/52-2.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/52-2.png"
+             alt="Regular Dawgs." /></a>Two "Regular Dawgs" having
+             a <i>tête-à-tête.</i>
+    </div>
+
+    <p>The Second Act is far away the best of the lot, damaged,
+    however, by vain repetitions of words and actions. To the house
+    where Miss Dancing Girl is openly living under the protection
+    of Gooseberry, the Duke's worthy Steward actually brings his
+    virtuous and ingenuous young daughter! If ever there were a
+    pair of artful, contriving, scheming humbugs, it is this worthy
+    couple. Because the Duke saved her from being run over by his
+    own horses, therefore she considers herself at liberty to limp
+    after him, and round him, and about him, on every possible
+    occasion, to say sharp, priggish things to him, to make love to
+    him, and in the Third Act so craftily to manage as to spot him
+    just as he is about to drink off a phial of poison, which
+    operation, being preceded by a soliloquy of strong theatrical
+    flavour and considerable length, gives the lame girl a fair
+    chance of hobbling down the stairs and arresting the thus
+    "spotted Nobleman's" arm at the critical moment. Curtain, and a
+    really fine dramatic situation. "Which nobody can deny."</p>
+
+    <div class="figright"
+         style="width:35%;">
+        <a href="images/52-3.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/52-3.png"
+             alt="Act III. Pantaloon David Peggotty Gladstone Ives." />
+             </a>
+
+        <h4>Act III.</h4>Pantaloon David Peggotty Gladstone Ives.
+    </div>
+
+    <p>It is in this same Third Act that the fine old crusted
+    melodramatic curse is uncorked, and a good imperial quart of
+    wrath is poured out on his dancing daughter's head by the heavy
+    father, who, in his country suit, forces his way into the
+    gilded halls of the Duke's mansion, past the flunkeys, the head
+    butler, and all the rest of the usual pampered menials. An
+    audience that can accept this old-fashioned cheap-novel kind of
+    clap-trap, and witness, without surprise, the marvellous
+    departure of all the guests, supperless, for no assigned cause,
+    or explicable reason, not even an alarm of fire having been
+    given, will swallow a considerable amount.</p>
+
+    <div class="figleft"
+         style="width:50%;">
+        <a href="images/53.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/53.png"
+             alt="FINAL TABLEAU." /></a>
+
+        <h4>FINAL TABLEAU.</h4>Triumph of the Artful Agent and his
+        lame Duck of a Daughter, Sybil Slyboots, <i>alias</i> Becky
+        Sharp, afterwards the Merry Duchess of Gooseberry.
+    </div>
+
+    <p>The Fourth Act is an anticlimax, and shows up the faulty
+    construction of the drama. Of course the news comes that the
+    Dancing Girl is dead, and this information is brought by a
+    Sainte Nitouche of a "Sister" of some Theatrical Order (not
+    admitted after half-past seven), whose very appearance is a
+    <i>suggestio falsi</i>. Equally, of course, a letter is found,
+    which, as exculpating Gooseberry, induces the old cuss of a
+    Puritan father to shake hands with the converted "Spotted
+    Nobleman"; but, be it remembered, the Dook is still his
+    landlord, and the value of the property is going up
+    considerably. Then it appears that the old humbug of an agent
+    has sagaciously speculated in the improvement of the island,
+    and poor Gooseberry feels under such an obligation to that sly
+    puss of an agent's daughter, that, in a melancholy sort of way,
+    he offers her his hand, which she, the artful little hussy of a
+    <i>Becky Sharp</i>, with considerable affectation of coyness,
+    accepts, and down goes the Curtain upon as unsatisfactory and
+    commonplace a termination to a good Melodrama as any
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page53"
+       id="page53"></a>[pg 53]</span> Philistine of the Philistines
+       could possibly wish. It would have been a human tragedy
+       indeed had poor Gooseberry poisoned himself, and the girl
+       whose life he had saved had arrived just too late, only to
+       die of a broken heart. But that "is quite another
+       story."</p>
+
+    <p>The piece is well played all round, especially by the men.
+    Mr. TREE is excellent, except in the ultra-melodramatic parts,
+    where he is too noisy. The very best thing he does is the
+    perfect finish of the Second Act, when, without a word, he sits
+    in the chair before the fire lost in dismal thought. This is
+    admirable: as perfect in its dramatic force as it is true to
+    nature. It is without exception the best thing in the whole
+    piece. Mr. F. KERR as <i>Reginald Slingsby</i>, achieves a
+    success unequalled since Mr. BANCROFT played the <i>parvenu</i>
+    swell <i>Hawtree</i>. It should be borne in mind that Mr. KERR
+    only recently played admirably the poor stuttering shabby lover
+    in <i>The Struggle for Life. Il ira loin, ce bon</i> M. KERR.
+    Miss JULIA NEILSON looks the part to the life: when she has
+    ceased to give occasional imitations of Miss ELLEN TERRY, and
+    can really play the part as well as she looks it, then nothing
+    more could be possibly desired. All the others as good as need
+    be, or can be.</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>THE BOGEY, MAN!</h2>
+
+    <h4>(<i>Retort of a Lady-Player who plays "for love.</i>")</h4>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>["No game was ever yet invented which held the female
+        mind in thrall save by indirect means. Where would croquet
+        have been, so far as the Ladies were concerned, without its
+        Curates, or lawn-tennis without its 'Greek gods' ... If men
+        played for nothing, they would find it dull
+        enough."&mdash;JAMES PAYN]</p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>'Tis mighty well for Menfolk at Womankind to
+            gibe,</p>
+
+            <p>And swear they do not care for games without some
+            lure or bribe,</p>
+
+            <p>But e'en in JAMES PAYN's armour there seems some
+            weakish joints;</p>
+
+            <p>He does not care for "glorious Whist" unless for
+            "sixpenny points!"</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! It charms the Bogey,
+            Man:</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll play it when
+            he can.</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">But "pointless Whist," as PAYN admits, is
+            not at all his plan;</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">You must have "money on" to please the
+            Bogey, Man!</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Now, Ladies like to play "for love," a fault male
+            hucksters blame,</p>
+
+            <p>But only sordid souls deny <i>that</i> is the true
+            "grand game."</p>
+
+            <p>Man's vulgarer ambition's not just to play well and
+            win;</p>
+
+            <p>His eye is ever on the stakes, his interest on the
+            "tin."</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! That blatant Bogey,
+            Man!</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll flout us when
+            he can.</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">"Indirect means" though, after all, are
+            portions of <i>his</i> plan;</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">For all his brag he loves the "swag," the
+            Bogey, Man!</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>Mum's the Word!</h3>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[Mr. CHAMBERLAIN presided lately at a Deaf-and-Dumb
+        Meeting.]</p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p class="i10">JOSEPH <i>reflecteth</i>:&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Deaf-mutes make the best audience, I see;</p>
+
+            <p class="i2"><i>They</i> gave me no rude flood of
+            gibes to stem.</p>
+
+            <p>True, they were deaf, and so could not hear
+            <i>me</i>,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">But they were dumb, so <i>I</i> could not
+            hear them!</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>MADAME ROLAND RE-EDITED (<i>from a sham-Japanese point of
+    view</i>).&mdash;O LIBERTY! what strange (decorative) things
+    are done in thy name!</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>JACK'S APPEAL.</h2>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>["It is impossible for warrant-officers in the Navy not
+        to see that they are placed at a disadvantage as compared
+        with non-commissioned officers in the Army, and it must be
+        very difficult to persuade them that the two cases are so
+        essentially different as to afford no real ground for
+        grievance."&mdash;<i>The "Times," on "An Earnest Appeal on
+        Behalf of the Rank and File of the Navy</i>."]</p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>Jack Tar to Tommy Atkins, loquitur</i>:&mdash;</p>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, penmen write pertikler
+            fine</p>
+
+            <p>Of the Wooden Walls of England, and likeways the
+            Thin Red Line;</p>
+
+            <p>But for those as form that Line, mate, or for those
+            as man them Walls,</p>
+
+            <p>Scribes don't seem so precious anxious to kick up
+            their lyric squalls.</p>
+
+            <p>Not a bit of it, my hearty; for one reason&mdash;it
+            don't pay;</p>
+
+            <p>There is small demand, my TOMMY, for a DIBDIN in our
+            day.</p>
+
+            <p>Oh, I know that arter dinner your M.P.'s can up and
+            quote</p>
+
+            <p>Tasty tit-bits from old CHARLEY, which they all reel
+            off by rote;</p>
+
+            <p>But if there <i>is</i> a cherub up aloft to watch
+            poor JACK,</p>
+
+            <p>That there cherub ain't a poet,&mdash;bards are on
+            another tack.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, BULL is sweet on "loyal
+            toasts,"</p>
+
+            <p>And he spends his millions freely on his squadrons
+            and his hosts,</p>
+
+            <p>But there isn't much on't, messmate, not so fur as
+            <i>I</i> can see,</p>
+
+            <p>Whether 'tis rant or rhino, that gets spent on you
+            and me.</p>
+
+            <p>Still the <i>Times</i> has took our case
+            up,&mdash;werry handsome o' the
+            <i>Times</i>!&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>I have heard it charged with prejudice, class-hate,
+            and similar crimes,</p>
+
+            <p>But it shows it's got fair sperret and a buzzum as
+            can feel</p>
+
+            <p>When it backs us with a "Leader" arter printing our
+            "Appeal."</p>
+
+            <p>You are better off, my TOMMY, than the Navy Rank and
+            File,</p>
+
+            <p>You <i>may</i> chance to get promotion,&mdash;arter
+            waiting a good while&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>But the tip-top of Tar luck's to be a Warrant
+            Officer;</p>
+
+            <p>We ain't like to get no further, if we even get
+            <i>as</i> fur.</p>
+
+            <p>'Tain't encouraging, my hearty. As for me, I'm old
+            and grey,</p>
+
+            <p>'Tis too late now for promotion if it chanced to
+            come <i>my</i> way;</p>
+
+            <p>And my knowledge, and my patter, and my
+            manners&mdash;well I guess</p>
+
+            <p>They mayn't be percisely fitted for a dandy
+            ward-room mess.</p>
+
+            <p>But the Navy of the Future, TOMMY ATKINS, is our
+            care,</p>
+
+            <p>We have gone through many changes, and for others
+            must prepare.</p>
+
+            <p>It will make the Navy popular, more prospect of
+            advance;</p>
+
+            <p>And what I say is, TOMMY,&mdash;<i>let the young uns
+            have a chance!</i></p>
+
+            <p>Some I know will cry "Impossible," and slate the
+            scheme like fun.</p>
+
+            <p>Most good things are "impossible," my
+            TOMMY,&mdash;<i>till they're done!</i></p>
+
+            <p>Quarter-decks won't fill from fokesels, not to any
+            great extent;</p>
+
+            <p>But, give good men a better chance! I guess that's
+            all that's meant.</p>
+
+            <p>As the <i>Times</i> says, werry sensible and
+            kind-like, preju<i>dice</i>,</p>
+
+            <p>Though strong at first, dies quickly, melts away
+            like thaw-struck ice;</p>
+
+            <p>If every brave French soldier, with a knapsack on
+            his back,</p>
+
+            <p><i>May</i> find a Marshal's baton at the bottom of
+            that pack,</p>
+
+            <p>Why should not a true British Tar, with pluck, and
+            luck, and wit,</p>
+
+            <p>Find at last a "Luff's" commission hidden somewheres
+            in his kit?</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>WAKING THEM UP.</h2>
+
+    <h4><i>Fly-leaf from an Energetic Kaiser's Diary.</i></h4>
+
+    <p>10 P.M.&mdash;Slip out of Opera and take somebody else's
+    overcoat from cloak-room when nobody is looking, jump into a
+    four-wheeler, and drive to station. Am recognised, and a
+    special train is called out. Give them the slip, and get into a
+    horse-box of third-class omnibus-train just about to start.</p>
+
+    <p>10.15 P.M. <i>to</i> 2.30 A.M.&mdash;Still in horse-box.</p>
+
+    <p>2.45 AM.&mdash;Stop at a big town. Hurry out. Stopped for
+    ticket. Throw off disguise of somebody else's overcoat, and
+    declare myself. Guard called out to escort me. When they are
+    looking the other way, hide under refreshment-counter, and get
+    out of station unobserved on all-fours. Am collared by a
+    policeman. Again have to declare myself. Give policeman twenty
+    marks, bind him to silence, and borrow his official cloak. Find
+    out Burgomaster's address. Hammer at his front door till I have
+    stirred up the whole household.</p>
+
+    <p>4 A.M. <i>to</i> 5 A.M.&mdash;Find out the Archbishop. Bang
+    at his front door till he puts his head out of window, and
+    wants to know "What on earth's the matter?" Hide round the
+    corner. Repeat same business, with more or less success, at the
+    residence of the Chief Justice, then at that of the Clerk of
+    the Peace, and at those of any other officials I can call to
+    mind, winding up by a regular good row at that of the General
+    in Command. Trumpeter comes out. Take bugle from him, and give
+    the call. General in Command rubs his eyes sleepily, and says
+    he'll be down presently.</p>
+
+    <p>5 A.M.&mdash;Hurry back to station. Catch early cattle-train
+    going back to Berlin. Jump on engine, and declare myself. Wire
+    approach down line, and tear away with the cattle, at seventy
+    miles an hour, getting back to Berlin just in time for
+    breakfast. Fancy I woke them up! Altogether, a very enjoyable
+    outing.</p>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page54"
+       id="page54"></a>[pg 54]</span>
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:100%;">
+        <a href="images/54.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/54.png"
+             alt="GENUINE ENTHUSIASM." /></a>
+
+        <h3>GENUINE ENTHUSIASM.</h3>(<i>A Thaw Picture.</i>)<br />
+         WHAT MATTER AN INCH OR TWO OF SURFACE-WATER, IF THE ICE BE
+        STILL SOUND UNDERNEATH!
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>"ROUGE ET NOIR!"</h2>
+
+    <h3>OR, JONATHAN'S PERPLEXING PROBLEM.</h3>
+
+    <h4>(<i>Some Way after Hosea Biglow's "Jonathan to
+    John."</i>)</h4>
+
+    <p><i>Jonathan (who has been reading the Articles on "The Negro
+    Question in the United States," in the English "Times")
+    loq</i>:&mdash;</p>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>It may be ez you're right, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">And both my hands <i>are</i> full;</p>
+
+            <p><i>You</i> know ez I can fight, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">(I've wiped out "Sitting Bull").</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">We see our fix," sez he.</p>
+
+            <p>"The 'Thunderer's' paw lays down the law,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Accordin' to J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">To square it's left to <i>me</i>!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Blood ain't so cool as ink, JOHN;</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Big words are easy wrote;</p>
+
+            <p>The "coons"&mdash;well, you don't think, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">I'll let 'em cut my throat.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Ghost-dance must stop," sez he.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"Suppose the 'braves' and black
+            ex-slaves</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Hed b'longed to ole J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Insted of unto me?"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Ten art'cles in your <i>Times</i>, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Hev giv me good advice.</p>
+
+            <p>I mind th' old Slavery crimes, JOHN.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">I don't need tellin' twice.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">I only guess," sez he,</p>
+
+            <p>"Seven million blacks on his folks' backs</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Would kind o' rile J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Ez much ez it riles me!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>The Red Man,&mdash;well, I s'pose, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">We'll hev to wipe <i>him</i> aout.</p>
+
+            <p>Sech pizonous trash ez those, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">The world kin do without.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Injuns must go," sez he.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"COOPER's Red Man won't fit our plan,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Though he once witched J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">As once he fetched e'en <i>me</i>!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>The Black Man! Ah, that's wuss, JOHN.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">The chaps wuz right, ay <i>joost</i>,</p>
+
+            <p>Who said the Slavery cuss, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Wud yet come home to roost.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">The problem set," sez he,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"By that derned Nig. is black and
+            big,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">And fairly puzzles me,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Ez it wud do J.B."</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Your <i>Times</i> would right our wrongs, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">&mdash;Always <i>wuz</i> sweet on
+            us!&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>But on dilemma's prongs, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">To fix me don't <i>you</i> fuss.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Though physic's good," sez he,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"It doesn't foller that he can
+            swaller</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Prescriptions signed J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Put up by you for me!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Thet swaggerin' black buck Nig., JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Is jest a grown-up kid;</p>
+
+            <p>Ez happy as a &mdash;&mdash; pig, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">When doin' wut he's bid.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">He's hateful when he's free.</p>
+
+            <p>Equal with <i>him</i>, that dark-skinn'd limb?</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">No; that will not suit <i>me</i>,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">More than it wud J.B.!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Emigrate the whole lot, JOHN?</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Well, that's a tallish task!</p>
+
+            <p>In Afric's centre hot, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Send 'em to breed and bask?</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2"><i>I</i>'d be right glad," sez he,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"But&mdash;<i>will they go?</i> 'Tain't
+            done, you know,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">As easy as J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Wud settle it&mdash;for me!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p><i>Rouge</i>&mdash;there I see my way, JOHN.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">But <i>Noir</i>&mdash;thet's hard to
+            front!</p>
+
+            <p>It wun't be no child's play, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Seven million Nigs to shunt.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">We've a hard row," sez he,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"To hoe just now, but thet, somehow,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">I fancy, friend J.B.,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Your <i>Times</i> may leave to
+            <i>me</i>!"</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>Left considering it.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>WELCOME BACK!</h3>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[Mr. SANTLEY, who has been long absent in Australia,
+        reappeared at St. James's Hall on Jan. 19, and was received
+        with great enthusiasm.]</p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Back from your Australian trip!</p>
+
+            <p><i>Punch</i>, my CHARLES, your fist must grip.</p>
+
+            <p>You have lighted on a time</p>
+
+            <p>When we're all chill, choke, and grime.</p>
+
+            <p>'Twere no marvel, O great baritone,</p>
+
+            <p>Did you find your voice had nary tone.</p>
+
+            <p>But there's none like you can sing</p>
+
+            <p>"<i>To Anthea</i>," "<i>The Erl-King</i>."</p>
+
+            <p>SCHUBERT, GOUNOD, English HATTON,</p>
+
+            <p>Equally your Fine Art's pat on.</p>
+
+            <p><i>Punch</i> can never praise <i>you</i>
+            scantly.</p>
+
+            <p><i>À votre santé</i>, good CHARLES SANTLEY!</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page55"
+       id="page55"></a>[pg 55]</span>
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:100%;">
+        <a href="images/55.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/55.png"
+             alt="ROUGE ET NOIR!" /></a>
+
+        <h3>"ROUGE ET NOIR!"</h3>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page57"
+       id="page57"></a>[pg 57]</span>
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:50%;">
+        <a href="images/57.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/57.png"
+             alt="OUR SPORT AND ART EXHIBITION." /></a>
+
+        <h3>OUR SPORT AND ART EXHIBITION.</h3>"ON THE SCENT."
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>FOR <i>BETTER</i>&mdash;OR WORSE.</h2>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[At the Anti-Gambling Demonstration recently held in
+        Exeter Hall, Sir RICHARD WEBSTER, the Attorney-General,
+        said that it was supposed by many that it was impossible to
+        enjoy athletic pursuits without becoming interested in a
+        pecuniary sense. He should therefore like to add, not for
+        the purpose of holding himself up as an example, that,
+        during his entire interest in sports of all kinds, he had
+        never made a bet.]</p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Ah! these are days when Recklessness, bereft of
+            ready cash,</p>
+
+            <p>Will strive to remedy the void by speculative
+            splash;</p>
+
+            <p>It is a salutary sight for Bankruptcy and
+            Debt&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>His interest in manly sports, an interest
+            immense,</p>
+
+            <p>Was ne'er degraded to a mere "pecuniary sense;"</p>
+
+            <p>His boyhood's love of marbles leaves him nothing to
+            regret&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Next, when a youth, the cricket-bat he first began
+            to wield,</p>
+
+            <p>And "Heads or Tails?" re-echoed for the Innings
+            through the field.</p>
+
+            <p>He sternly scorned to toss the coin, howe'er his
+            friends might fret&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>And when, an Undergraduate, he swiftly skimmed his
+            mile,</p>
+
+            <p>And comrades staked with confidence on him their
+            little pile,</p>
+
+            <p>He'd beg them not on his account in gambling ways to
+            get&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>This good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>To play for money ruins whist: and seldom can his
+            Club</p>
+
+            <p>Persuade him to put counters (coins for Zulus!) on
+            the rub;</p>
+
+            <p>He <i>has</i> been known for lozenges to dabble with
+            piquet;</p>
+
+            <p>He wasn't Chief Attorney then, nor was it
+            <i>quite</i> a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>His wise profession's ornament, he looks on all such
+            games</p>
+
+            <p>Far otherwise than RUSSELL does, than LOCKWOOD,
+            HALL, or JAMES;</p>
+
+            <p>For pure platonic love of play he stands, unequalled
+            yet&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>St. Stephen's, too, thinks much of him; but ah! his
+            soul it pains</p>
+
+            <p>To know that Speculation o'er the lobby sometimes
+            reigns;</p>
+
+            <p>He's chided OLD MORALITY and RANDOLPH and the
+            set,</p>
+
+            <p>Beseeching them on bended knees to never make a
+            bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>We all are fond of him, in short, the Boxes with the
+            Gods;</p>
+
+            <p>That he's a first-rate fellow we would gladly lay
+            the odds.</p>
+
+            <p>But no!&mdash;himself would veto that. We must not
+            wound our pet</p>
+
+            <p>Precise Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>THE ARISTOTELIAN TREASURE-TROVE.</h3>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>All have heard of "a Manuscript found in a
+            Bottle,"</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">But here is a waif with romance yet more
+            fraught:</p>
+
+            <p>A newly-found treatise by old ARISTOTLE</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Is flotsam indeed from the Ocean of
+            Thought.</p>
+
+            <p>Oh, happy discoverer, lucky Museum!</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Not this time the foreigner scores off
+            JOHN BULL.</p>
+
+            <p>Teuton pundits would lift, for such luck, their
+            <i>Te Deum</i>!</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">No SHAPIRA, <i>Punch</i> hopes, such a
+            triumph to dull!</p>
+
+            <p>May it all turn out right! Further details won't
+            tire us.</p>
+
+            <p>We <i>may</i> get some straight-tips from that
+            Coptic papyrus!</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>ROBERT ON SKATIN'.</h2>
+
+    <p>Well, I begins to agree with them as says, and says it too
+    as if they ment it, that noboddy can reelly tell what is reel
+    grand injiyment till they trys it, and trys it farely, and
+    gives it a good chance. I remembers how I used to try and like
+    Crikkit, when I was much yunger than I am now, and stuck to it
+    in spite of several black eyes when I stood pint, and shouts
+    of, "Now then, Butter-Fingers!" when I stood leg, till a serten
+    werry fast Bowler sent me away from the wicket with two black
+    and blew legs, and then I guv it up. I guv up Foot Ball for
+    simler reesuns, and have never attemted not nothink in the
+    Hathlettick line ewer since, my sumwat rapid increase in size
+    and wait a hading me in that wise resolooshun.</p>
+
+    <p>But sumhow it appened, dooring the hawful whether we has all
+    bin a shivering threw for this long time, that I found my
+    atenshun direckted to the strange fack that, whilst amost
+    ewerybody was busily engaged in a cussin and swarin at the
+    bitter cold and the dirty slippery sno, ewerybody else seemed
+    to be injying of theirselves like wun-a-clock. Now it so
+    appened that when waiting one day upon the young swell I have
+    before spoken of, at the "Grand 'Otel," he was jined by another
+    swell, who told him what a glorius day's skating he had been
+    avin in Hide Park! and how he ment to go agen to-morrer, "if
+    the luvly frost wood but continue!"</p>
+
+    <p>So my cureosety was naterally egsited, and nex day off I gos
+    to Hide Park, and there I seed the xplanation of what had
+    serprised me so much. For there was hunderds and hunderds of
+    not only spectably drest Gents, but also of reel-looking Ladys,
+    a skatin away like fun, and a larfing away and injying
+    theirselves jest as if it had bin a nice Summer's day.
+    Presently I append to find myself a standing jest by a nice
+    respectabel looking man, with a nice, cumferal-looking chair,
+    and seweral pares of Skates; and presently he says to me, quite
+    permiscus-like, "They all seems to be a injying theirselves,
+    don't they, Sir?" which they most suttenly did; and then he
+    says to me, says he, "Do you skate, Sir?" to which my natral
+    pride made me reply, "Not much!" "Will you have a pair on.
+    Sir," says he, "jest for a trial?" "Is there any fear of a
+    axident?" says I. "Oh no. Sir," says he, "not if you follers my
+    hinstrucshuns." So I acshally sets myself down in his chair,
+    and lets him put me on a pair of Skates! The first differculty
+    was, how to get up, which I found as I coudn't manage at all
+    without his asistance; for, strange to say, both of my feet
+    insisted on going quite contrary ways. Howewer, by grarsping on
+    him quite tite round his waste, I at last manidged to go along
+    three or four slides, and then I returned to the chair, and sat
+    down again; and he was kind enuff to compliment me, and to say
+    that he thort I was a gitting on fust-rate, and, if I woud only
+    cum ewery day for about a week or so, he had no dowt but he
+    shood see me a skating a figger of hate like the best on
+    'em!</p>
+
+    <p>Hencouraged by his truthfool remarks, I at larst wentured to
+    let go of him and try a few slides by myself, and shood no dowt
+    have suckseeded hadmerably, but my bootifal stick to which I
+    was a trustin to elp me from falling, slided rite away from me
+    in a most unnatral manner, and down I came on my onerabel seat,
+    with such a smasher as seemed to shake all my foreteen stun
+    into a cocked-hat, to speak, hallegorically, and there I lay,
+    elpless and opeless, and wundring how on airth I shood ever get
+    up again. But my trusty frend and guide was soon at my side, as
+    the Poet says, but all his united force, with that of too boys
+    who came to his assistance, and larfed all the wile, as rude
+    boys will, coud not get me on my feet agen 'till my too skates
+    was taken off, and I agen found myself on <i>terror fermer</i>
+    on my friend's chair. It took me longer to recover myself than
+    I shood have thort posserbel, but at larst I was enabled to
+    crawl away, but not 'till my frend had supplied me with jest a
+    nice nip of brandy, which he said he kept andy in case of any
+    such surprisin axidents as had appened to me.</p>
+
+    <p>So what with paying for the use of the skates, and the use
+    of the Brandy, and the use of the too boys, and the use of a
+    handsum Cab to take me to the "Grand," that was rayther a deer
+    ten minutes skating, and as it was reelly and trewly my fust
+    attemt at that poplar and xciting passtime, I think I may
+    safely affirm&mdash;as I have alreddy done to my better
+    harf&mdash;whose langwidge, when I related my hadwentur, is
+    scarcely worth repeating, as it was most certenly not
+    complementary&mdash;that it shall be my larst. ROBERT.</p>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page58"
+       id="page58"></a>[pg 58]</span>
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:100%;">
+        <a href="images/58.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/58.png"
+             alt="REMINISCENCES OF SPORT IN THE SNOW." /></a>
+
+        <h3>REMINISCENCES OF SPORT IN THE SNOW.</h3>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page59"
+       id="page59"></a>[pg 59]</span>
+
+    <h2>A FREEZING POINT.</h2>
+
+    <h4>(<i>By a Frozen-out Lover.</i>)</h4>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>They tell me thou art cold, my sweet&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">A fact that scarcely odd is.</p>
+
+            <p>Gales half so cruel never beat</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Against poor human bodies.</p>
+
+            <p>Cupid's attire is far too light</p>
+
+            <p>To weather Thirty Fahrenheit.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>How can a glow the soul entrance,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">When frostbite nips the finger,</p>
+
+            <p>And blushes quit the countenance</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">To nigh the nostril linger!</p>
+
+            <p>Warmth were a miracle, in sight</p>
+
+            <p>And grip of Thirty Fahrenheit.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Chill! chill to <i>me</i>, my Paradise!!</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">I'll not complain or curse on.</p>
+
+            <p>One cannot well be otherwise</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">To any mortal person.</p>
+
+            <p>Mere icebergs ambulant, we fight</p>
+
+            <p>Ferocious Thirty Fahrenheit.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Cold art thou? Not so cold as I&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Nought living could be colder.</p>
+
+            <p>I'm far too cold to sob or sigh,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Still less in passion smoulder.</p>
+
+            <p>I'm turning fast to something quite</p>
+
+            <p>As numb as Thirty Fahrenheit.</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>INFORMATION REQUIRED.&mdash;"Sir, I see a Volume advertised
+    entitled, <i>Unspoken Sermons</i>. I should be glad to know
+    where these are preached, as that's the place for yours truly,
+    ONE WHO SNORES."</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>NEW BOOK OF IRISH LIFE.&mdash;<i>The Bedad's Sons</i>. By
+    the Author of the tale of Indian Life, <i>The Begum's
+    Daughters</i>.</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:75%;">
+        <a href="images/59-1.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/59-1.png"
+             alt="THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY." /></a>
+
+        <h3>THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY.</h3>THESE GENTLEMEN ARE
+        EXPECTED TO BE IN A JUDICIAL FRAME OF MIND AFTER HANGING
+        ABOUT THE PRECINCTS OF THE COURT FOR SEVERAL DAYS, UNDER
+        PENALTY OF A HEAVY FINE, WHILE THEIR PRIVATE BUSINESS IN
+        THE CITY AND ELSEWHERE IS GOING TO THE DOGS. (WHY SHOULD
+        NOT HALF-PAY OFFICERS DO THE WORK, AND RELIEVE BUSY MEN?)
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.</h2>
+
+    <h4>EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.</h4>
+
+    <p><i>House of Commons, Thursday, January 22</i>.&mdash;Both
+    Houses met to-day after Christmas Recess. No QUEEN's Speech; no
+    moving and seconding of Address; no Royal Commission and
+    procession of SPEAKER to Lords. All seems strange, and spirits
+    generally a little depressed. Only ROBERT FOWLER rises superior
+    to circumstances of hour. Blustering about the Lobby "like
+    Boreas," says CAUSTON.</p>
+
+    <div class="figleft"
+         style="width:28%;">
+        <a href="images/59-2.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/59-2.png"
+             alt="King Yah! Yah!" /></a>King Yah! Yah!
+    </div>
+
+    <p>"Only not so rude," says HARRY LAWSON, jealous for the
+    reputation of Metropolitan Members, even though some sit on the
+    Benches opposite. With folded hands thrust behind coat-tails,
+    rollicking stride, thunderous voice, and blooming countenance,
+    Sir ROBERT positively pervades the Lobby. Personally receives
+    POPE HENNESSY; shakes hands with everybody; and finally halting
+    for a moment under the electric-lit archway leading into House,
+    presents interesting and attractive picture of the Glorified
+    Alderman.</p>
+
+    <p>Scotch Members take possession of Commons to-night. LORD
+    ADVOCATE brings in Bill, providing new machinery for private
+    legislation; the Scotch Members with one accord fall upon
+    proposal, and tear it to ribbons. Meanwhile other Members troop
+    off to Lords, where spectacle is provided which beats the
+    pantomimes into fits. Two new Peers to take their seats;
+    procession formed in back room outside; enters from below Bar.
+    First comes Black Rod, with nothing black about him; then
+    Garter King-at-Arms, a herculean personage, fully five feet
+    high, with a dangerous gleam in his eye, and the Royal Arms of
+    England quartered in scarlet and blue and gold on his manly
+    back. Behind, in red cloaks slashed with ermine, the new Baron
+    and his escort of two brother Peers. There being no room for
+    them to advance in due procession, they fall into single file,
+    make their way to the Woolsack, where sits that pink of
+    chivalry, that mould of fashion, that perfection of form, the
+    LORD HIGH CHANCELLOR.</p>
+
+    <p>New Peer drops on one knee, presents bundle of paper to LORD
+    CHANCELLOR. L.C., coyly turning his head on one side, gingerly
+    takes roll, hands it to Attendant. New Peer gets up; procession
+    bundles back to table; here Gentleman in wig and gown gabbles
+    something from long document. New Peer writes his name in a
+    book (probably promising subscription towards expenses of
+    performance.) Garter King-at-Arms getting to the front trots
+    off with comically short strides for so great a dignity; New
+    Peer and escort follow, Black Rod solemnly bringing up rear.
+    Garter King makes for Cross Benches by the door; passes along
+    one, the rest following, as if playing game of
+    Follow-my-leader. Garter King suddenly making off to the right,
+    walks up Gangway to row of empty Benches. Stops at the topmost
+    row but one, and passes along. New Peer wants to follow him.
+    Garter King prods him in chest with small stick, and tells him
+    to go on to the Bench above. This he does, with escort.
+    Meanwhile, Black Rod left out in the cold. Garter King motions
+    to three Peers to be seated; tells them to put on their
+    cocked-hats; counts ten; nods to them; they rise to feet,
+    uplift cocked-hats in direction of LORD CHANCELLOR on Woolsack.
+    He raises his in return of salute. Three Peers sit down again.
+    Garter King counts ten; nods; up they get again, salute LORD
+    CHANCELLOR; sit down once more.
+    "One&mdash;two&mdash;three&mdash;four&mdash;ten," Garter King
+    mumbles to himself. Once more they rise; salute LORD
+    CHANCELLOR; then Garter King leading the way, they march back
+    to Woolsack.</p>
+
+    <p>Garter King now introduces new Member to LORD CHANCELLOR.
+    L.C. starts as if he had never seen him before; then extends
+    right <span class="pagenum"><a name="page60"
+       id="page60"></a>[pg 60]</span> hand; New Peer shakes it,
+       procession reformed, walks out behind Bar. A few minutes
+       later, another comes in, all the business done over again.
+       Impressive, but a little monotonous, and as soon as possible
+       after its conclusion Noble Lords go home.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Business done</i>.&mdash;In Commons, Private Bill
+    Legislation Bill read a Second Time.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Friday</i>.&mdash;WM. O'BRIEN, standing with tear-stained
+    face on pier at Boulogne waving wet handkerchief across the
+    main, has drawn away JUSTIN McCARTHY, who can't be back till
+    Monday. PARNELL was to have come down to-day, and, making
+    believe to be still Leader of United Irishmen, asked OLD
+    MORALITY to set aside day for discussion of his Motion on
+    operation of Crimes Act. BRER FOX accordingly looked in shortly
+    after SPEAKER took the Chair.</p>
+
+    <div class="figleft"
+         style="width:22%;">
+        <a href="images/60-1.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/60-1.png"
+             alt="Dr. Channing in the Pulpit." /></a>Dr. Channing
+             in the Pulpit.
+    </div>
+
+    <p>"Seen BRER RABBIT anywhere about, TOBY?" he asked.</p>
+
+    <p>So I up and told him about McCARTHY's new journey to
+    Boulogne.</p>
+
+    <p>"Oh, indeed," said BRER FOX; "if that's the case, I think I
+    won't trouble House to-night. Got an engagement elsewhere;
+    think I'll go and keep it. Not used to hanging about here, as
+    you know; awful bore to me; but as long as BRER RABBIT comes
+    here, I must be on spot to vindicate my position. So I'll say
+    ta-ta. No&mdash;never mind ringing for fire-escape; can walk
+    down the steps to-day."</p>
+
+    <p>Thus there being no Irish Leader on the premises, and hardly
+    any Irish Members, had a rare chance for attending to British
+    business. CHANNING brought on question of working Overtime on
+    the Railways; moved Resolution invoking interference of Board
+    of Trade. Question a little awkward for Government. Couldn't
+    afford to offend Railway Directors, yet wouldn't do to flout
+    numerous body of working-men, chiefly voters. Proposed to
+    shelve business by appointment of Select Committee. Opposition
+    not going to let them off so easily. Debate kept up all night,
+    winding up with critical Division; Government majority only
+    17.</p>
+
+    <p>"And this," said OLD MORALITY, with injured look, "after
+    PLUNKET's brilliant oration on the time-tables of the London
+    and North-Western Railway Company! If he'd only illustrated it
+    with magic-lantern, things would have gone differently." But he
+    was obstinate; said there would be difficulty in arranging the
+    slides, and so rejected proposal.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Business done</i>.&mdash;CHANNING's Resolution about
+    Overtime on Railways negatived by 141 Votes against 124.</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>HOMAGE TO SIR JAMES HANNEN.</h2>
+
+    <p>Sir,&mdash;As the recognised organ of the legal profession,
+    will you permit me to address you? It is common knowledge that
+    within the last few days the Right Honourable Sir JAMES HANNEN
+    has been raised to a dignity greater than that he has been able
+    to claim for the last eighteen years, when he has sat as
+    President of the Probate, Divorce, and Admiralty Division of
+    the High Court of Justice. On leaving the Court in which so
+    many of us were known to him, he was kind enough to say, "Those
+    eighteen years had been eighteen years of happiness to him,
+    chiefly arising from the advantage he had had in having before
+    him habitually practising in that Court Barristers who had felt
+    that their part was just as important as his in the
+    administration of Justice, and who had assisted him enormously.
+    Without their assistance, his task would have been an arduous
+    one, whereas it had been, as he had said, an agreeable one." As
+    I personally have had the honour of appearing before his
+    Lordship for many years, I think that it is only right that I
+    should make some acknowledgment of this kind recognition of my
+    services.</p>
+
+    <p>It is quite true that I have felt, as Sir JAMES HANNEN
+    suggests, that my part (humble as it may have been) has been
+    just as important as his in the administration of Justice. But
+    it is gratifying to me beyond measure to learn that my
+    invariable custom of bowing to his Lordship on the commencement
+    and conclusion of each day's forensic duties&mdash;which has
+    been the limit of my "habitual practice" in the Probate
+    Division&mdash;should "have assisted him enormously." I can
+    only say that, thanks to his unvarying kindness and courtesy,
+    my daily recognition of his greetings from the Bench, instead
+    of being an arduous task, has ever been an agreeable one. I
+    have the honour to remain, Sir, your very obedient servant,</p>
+
+    <p>(<i>Signed</i>)</p>
+
+    <p>A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Pump-Handle Court, January 24, 1891.</i></p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>"PRO-DIGIOUS!"&mdash;In last Sunday's <i>Observer</i> we
+    read that at St. Petersburg Madame MELBA, as <i>Juliette, "was
+    recalled thirty-one times before the proscenium.</i>" The
+    italics are ours, rather! If this sort of thing is to be
+    repeated during the Opera season here, and each gifted singer
+    is recalled in proportion to his or her merits, the audience
+    will not get away till the following morning. <i>Juliette</i>
+    must have said, on the above-mentioned occasion, "Parting is
+    such sweet sorrow, That I could say 'good-night' until
+    to-morrow." And the usual chorus of operatic <i>habitués</i>
+    will be, "We won't go home till morning. Till daylight doth
+    appear!" with <i>refrain</i>, "For&mdash;she (or he)'s a jolly
+    good singer," &amp;c., <i>ad infinitum</i>, or "<i>ad
+    infi-next-nightum</i>."</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>THE FRIEZE OF THE PARTHENON.</h2>
+
+    <h4>ENGLAND TO ATHENS:&mdash;</h4>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>O Queen of Cities, with a crown of woe,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Scarred by the ruin of two thousand
+            years,</p>
+
+            <p>By fraud and by barbarian force laid low,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Buried in dust, and watered with the
+            tears</p>
+
+            <p>Of unregarded bondmen, toiling on,</p>
+
+            <p>Crushed in the shadow of their Parthenon;</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="figright"
+             style="width:36%;">
+            <a href="images/60-2.png"><img width="100%"
+                 src="images/60-2.png"
+                 alt="The Frieze of the Parthenon." /></a>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Mother of heroes, Athens, nought availed</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">The Macedonian's triumph, or the
+            chain</p>
+
+            <p>Of Rome; the conquering Osmanli failed,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">His myriad hosts have trampled thee in
+            vain.</p>
+
+            <p>They for thy deathless body raised the pyre,</p>
+
+            <p>And held the torch, but Heaven forbade the fire.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Then didst thou rise, and, shattering thy bands,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Burst in war's thunder on the Muslim
+            horde,</p>
+
+            <p>Who shrank appalled before thee, while thy hands</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Wielded again the imperishable sword,</p>
+
+            <p>The sword that smote the Persian when he came,</p>
+
+            <p>Countless as sand, thy virgin might to tame.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Mother of freemen, Athens, thou art free,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Free as the spirits of thy mighty
+            dead;</p>
+
+            <p>And Freedom's northern daughter calls to thee,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"How shall I help thee, sister? Raise thy
+            head,</p>
+
+            <p>O Athens, say what can I give thee now,</p>
+
+            <p>I who am free, to deck thy marble brow?"</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr class="short" />
+
+    <h4>ATHENS REPLIES:&mdash;</h4>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Shot-dinted, but defiant of decay,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Stand my gaunt columns in a tragic
+            line,</p>
+
+            <p>The shattered relics of a glorious day,</p>
+
+            <p>Mute guardians of the lost Athena's shrine.</p>
+
+            <p>The flame of hope, that faded to despair</p>
+
+            <p>Ere Hellas burst her chains, is imaged there.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Yet one there was who came to her for gain,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Ere yet the years of her despair were
+            run;</p>
+
+            <p>And with harsh zeal defaced the ruined fane</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Full in the blazing light of Hellas'
+            sun.</p>
+
+            <p>Spoiling my home with sacrilegious hand,</p>
+
+            <p>He bore his captives to a foreign land.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Ilissus mourns his tutelary god,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Theseus in some far city doth
+            recline:</p>
+
+            <p>Lost is the Horse of Night that erstwhile trod</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">My hall; the god-like shapes that once
+            were mine</p>
+
+            <p>Call to me, "Mother save us ere we die,</p>
+
+            <p>Far from thy arms beneath a sunless sky."</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>How shall I answer? for my arms are fain</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">To clasp them fast upon the rock-bound
+            steep,</p>
+
+            <p>Their ancient home. Shall Athens yearn in vain,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">And all in vain must woful Hellas
+            weep?</p>
+
+            <p>Must the indignant shade of PHIDIAS mourn</p>
+
+            <p>For his dear city, free but how forlorn?</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>How shall I answer? Nay, I turn to thee,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">England, and pray thee, from thy northern
+            throne</p>
+
+            <p>Step down and hearken, give them back to me,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">O generous sister, give me back mine
+            own.</p>
+
+            <p>Thy jewelled forehead needs no alien gem</p>
+
+            <p>Torn from a hapless sister's diadem.</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>NOTICE.&mdash;Rejected Communications or Contributions,
+    whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any
+    description, will in no case be returned, not even when
+    accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or
+    Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.</p>
+    <hr class="full" />
+
+<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13067 ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
diff --git a/13067-h/images/49-1.png b/13067-h/images/49-1.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..591e39b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/49-1.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/49-2.png b/13067-h/images/49-2.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b88f2fc
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/49-2.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/50.png b/13067-h/images/50.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..94c20b3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/50.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/51.png b/13067-h/images/51.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..73c4d5b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/51.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/52-1.png b/13067-h/images/52-1.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..accfd60
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/52-1.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/52-2.png b/13067-h/images/52-2.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b8a9281
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/52-2.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/52-3.png b/13067-h/images/52-3.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..07d8ed3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/52-3.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/53.png b/13067-h/images/53.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..35af5f0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/53.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/54.png b/13067-h/images/54.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9dac691
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/54.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/55.png b/13067-h/images/55.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..93fe698
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/55.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/57.png b/13067-h/images/57.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..fc84fea
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/57.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/58.png b/13067-h/images/58.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a57bc05
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/58.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/59-1.png b/13067-h/images/59-1.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..648aef3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/59-1.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/59-2.png b/13067-h/images/59-2.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..92c7d5e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/59-2.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/60-1.png b/13067-h/images/60-1.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..130a613
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/60-1.png
diff --git a/13067-h/images/60-2.png b/13067-h/images/60-2.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..096dd01
--- /dev/null
+++ b/13067-h/images/60-2.png
diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6312041
--- /dev/null
+++ b/LICENSE.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3ab3c48
--- /dev/null
+++ b/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #13067 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/13067)
diff --git a/old/13067-8.txt b/old/13067-8.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c2ec55b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-8.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,1710 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100.,
+Jan. 31, 1891, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100., Jan. 31, 1891
+
+Author: Various
+
+Release Date: July 31, 2004 [EBook #13067]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, JAN. 31, 1891 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+
+PUNCH,
+
+OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
+
+VOL. 100.
+
+
+
+January 31, 1891.
+
+
+
+
+VOCES POPULI.
+
+A ROW IN THE PIT; OR, THE OBSTRUCTIVE HAT.
+
+    SCENE--_The Pit during Pantomime Time._
+
+    _The Overture is beginning._
+
+[Illustration]
+
+_An Over-heated Matron_ (_to her Husband_). Well, they don't give
+you much _room_ in 'ere, I _must_ say. Still, we done better than
+I expected, after all that crushing. I thought my ribs was gone
+once--but it was on'y the umbrella's. You pretty comfortable where you
+are, eh. Father?
+
+_Father_. Oh, I'm right enough, I am.
+
+_Jimmy_ (_their Son; a small boy, with a piping voice_). If _Father_
+is, it's more nor what _I_ am. I can't see, Mother, I can't!
+
+_His Mother_. Lor' bless the boy! there ain't nothen to _see_ yet;
+you'll see well enough when the Curting goes up. (_Curtain rises on
+opening scene_). Look, JIMMY, ain't _that_ nice, now? All them himps
+dancin' round, and real fire comin' out of the pot--which I 'ope it's
+quite safe--and there's a beautiful fairy just come on, dressed so
+grand, too!
+
+_Jimmy_. I can't see no fairy--nor yet no himps--no nothen! [_He
+whimpers_.
+
+_His Mother_ (_annoyed_). Was there ever such a aggravating boy to
+take anywheres! Set quiet, do, and don't fidget, and look at the
+hactin'!
+
+_Jimmy_. I tell yer I can't _see_ no hactin', Mother. It ain't my
+fault--it's this lady in front o' me, with the 'at.
+
+_Mother_ (_perceiving the justice of his complaints_). Father, the
+pore boy says he can't see where he is, 'cause of a lady's hat in
+front.
+
+_Father._ Well, _I_ can't 'elp the 'at, can I? He must put up with it,
+that's all!
+
+_Mother._ No--but I thought, if you wouldn't mind changing places with
+him--you're taller than him, and it wouldn't be in your way 'arf so
+much.
+
+_Father._ It's always the way with you--never satisfied, _you_ ain't!
+Well, pass the boy across--I'm for a quiet life, I am. (_Changing
+seats._) Will _this_ do for you?
+
+    [_He settles down immediately behind a very large, and furry,
+    and feathery hat, which he dodges for some time, with the
+    result of obtaining an occasional glimpse of a pair of legs on
+    the stage._
+
+_Father_ (_suddenly_). D---- the 'at!
+
+_Mother._ You can't wonder at the _boy_ not seeing! P'raps the lady
+wouldn't might taking it off, if you asked her?
+
+_Father._ Ah! (_He touches_ The Owner of the Hat _on the shoulder._)
+Excuse me, Mum, but might I take the liberty of asking you to kindly
+remove your 'at? [The Owner of the Hat _deigns no reply._
+
+_Father_ (_more insistently_). _Would_ you 'ave any objection to
+oblige me by taking off your 'at, Mum? (_Same result._) I don't know
+if you _'eard_ me, Mum, but I've asked you twice, civil enough, to
+take that 'at of yours off. I'm a playin' 'Ide and Seek be'ind it 'ere!
+
+    [_No answer._
+
+_The Mother._ People didn't ought to be allowed in the Pit with sech
+'ats! Callin' 'erself a lady--and settin' there in a great 'at and
+feathers like a 'Ighlander's, and never answering no more nor a
+stuffed himage!
+
+_Father_ (_to the Husband of The Owner of the Hat_). Will you tell
+your good lady to take her 'at off, Sir, please?
+
+_The Owner of the Hat_ (_to her Husband_). Don't you do nothing of the
+sort, SAM, or you'll _'ear_ of it!
+
+_The Mother._ Some people are perlite, I must say. Parties might
+_beyave_ as ladies when they come in the Pit! It's a pity her 'usband
+can't teach her better manners!
+
+_The Father._ _'Im_ teach her! 'E knows better. 'E's got a Tartar
+there, _'e_ 'as!
+
+_The Owner of the Hat._ SAM, are you going to set by and hear me
+insulted like this?
+
+_Her Husband_ (_turning round tremulously_). I--I'll trouble you
+to drop making these personal allusions to my wife's 'at, Sir. It's
+puffickly impossible to listen to what's going on on the stage, with
+all these remarks be'ind!
+
+_The Father._ Not more nor it is to _see_ what's going on on the stage
+with that 'at in front! I paid 'arf-a-crown to see the Pantermime, I
+did; not to 'ave a view of your wife's 'at!... 'Ere, MARIA, blowed if
+I can stand this 'ere game any longer. JIMMY must change places again,
+and if he can't see, he must stand up on the seat, that's all!
+
+    [_JIMMY is transferred to his original place, and mounts upon
+    the seat._
+
+_A Pittite behind Jimmy_ (_touching up JIMMY's Father with an
+umbrella_). Will you tell your little boy to set down, please, and not
+block the view like this?
+
+_Jimmy's Father_. If you can indooce that lady in front to take off
+her 'at, I will--but not before. Stay where you are, JIMMY, my boy.
+
+_The Pittite behind._ Well, I must stand myself then, that's all. I
+mean to see, _somehow_! [_He rises._
+
+_People behind him_ (_sternly_). Set down there, will yer?
+
+    [_He resumes his seat expostulating._
+
+_Jimmy_. Father, the gentleman behind is a pinching of my legs!
+
+_Jimmy's Father._ Will you stop pinching my little boy's legs! He
+ain't doing you no 'arm--is he?
+
+_The Pinching Pittite_. Let him sit down, then!
+
+_Jimmy's Father._ Let the lady take her 'at off!
+
+_Murmurs behind._ Order, there! Set down! Put that boy down! Take orf
+that 'at! Silence in front, there! Turn 'em out! Shame!... &c., &c.
+
+_The Husband of the O. of the H._ (_in a whisper to his Wife_). Take
+off the blessed 'at, and have done with it, do!
+
+_The O. of the H._ What--_now_? I'd sooner _die_ in the 'at!
+
+    [_An Attendant is called._
+
+_The Attendant._ Order, there, Gentlemen, please--unless you want to
+get turned out! No standing allowed on the seats--you're disturbing
+the performance 'ere, you know!
+
+    [_JIMMY is made to sit down, and weeps silently; the hubbub
+    gradually subsides--and The Owner of the Hat triumphs--for
+    the moment._
+
+_Jimmy's Mother._ Never mind, my boy, you shall have Mother's seat in
+a minute. I dessay, if all was known, the lady 'as reasons for keeping
+her 'at on, pore thing!
+
+_The Father._ Ah, I never thought o' that. So she may. Very likely her
+'at won't _come_ off--not without her _'air!_
+
+_The Mother._ Ah, well, we musn't be 'ard on her, if that's so.
+
+_The O. of the H._ (_removing the obstruction_). I 'ope you're
+satisfied _now_, I'm sure?
+
+_The Father_ (_handsomely_). Better late nor never, Mum, and we take
+it kind of you. Though, why you shouldn't ha' done it at fust, I
+dunno; for you look a deal 'ansomer without the 'at than, what you did
+in it--_don't_ she, MARIA?
+
+_The O. of the H._ (_mollified_). SAM, ask the gentleman behind if his
+boy would like a ginger-nut.
+
+    [_This olive-branch is accepted; compliments pass; cordiality
+    is restored, and the Pantomime proceeds without further
+    disturbance._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+SOMETHING LIKE A SUBSCRIPTION!
+
+(_A PAGE FROM THE BOOK OF PHILANTHROPY._)
+
+The Committee waited impatiently the arrival of the Great and Good
+Man. It was their duty to obtain a donation--an ample one--from the
+Millionnaire whose charity was renowned far and wide, from one end of
+the world to the other. At length he appeared before them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"What can I do for you?" he asked, with a smile that absolutely shone
+with benevolence.
+
+"You know, Sir, that the claims of the poor in the Winter are
+numerous, and difficult to meet?"
+
+"Certainly I do," returned the Man of Wealth, "and hope that you are
+about to ask me for a subscription."
+
+"Indeed we were," cried the spokesman of the Committee, his eyes
+filling with grateful tears. "May I put you down for five pounds?"
+
+"Five pounds!" echoed the Millionnaire, impatiently, "What is five
+pounds?--_five thousand_ is much more like the figure! Now, I will
+give you five thousand pounds on one condition."
+
+"Name it!" cried the Deputation in a breath.
+
+"The simplest thing in the world," continued the Millionnaire. "I
+will give you five thousand pounds on the condition that you get
+ninety-nine other fellows to do the same. Nay, you shall thank me when
+all is collected. I can wait till then."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The above words were spoken more than thirty years ago. Since then
+the Deputation have been waiting for the other fellows--and so has the
+Millionnaire!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PROFESSOR V. PROFESSOR.
+
+PROFESSOR VIRCHOW seems by no means Koch-sure about the _tuberculosis_
+remedy. Indeed Professor KOCH finds that there is not only "much
+virtue in an 'if,'" but much "if" in a VIRCHOW! He is inclined to sing
+with SWINBURNE:--
+
+  "Come down, and redeem us from VIRCHOW."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE FRIEND OF IRELAND AND THE WORDY KNIFE-GRINDER.
+
+(_IMITATION SAPPHICS SOME WAY AFTER CANNING AND FRERE._)
+
+[Illustration: _Wordy Knife-Grinder_. "STORY! GOD BLESS YOU! I HAVE
+NONE TO TELL, SIR!"]
+
+_Friend of Ireland_:--
+
+  "Wordy Knife-Grinder! Whither are you going?
+  Dark is your way--your wheel looks out of order--
+  Mitchelstown palls, and there seems no more spell in
+            O'BRIEN's breeches!
+
+  "Wordy Knife-Grinder, little think the proud ones,
+  Who in their speeches prate about their Union-
+  Ism, what hard work 'tis to keep a Party
+            Tightly together!
+
+  "Tell me, Knife-Grinder, what _your_ little game is.
+  Do you mean playing straight with me and others?
+  Or would you jocky Erin like a confounded
+            Saxon attorney?
+
+  "Give us a glimpse of that same Memorandum!
+  Pledge yourself clear to what needs no explaining!
+  Prove that your plan is not quite a sham, sly-whittled
+            Down into nullity!
+
+  "Ere I depart (if go I must, TIM HEALY)
+  Give me a pledge that I'm not sold for nothing.
+  Tell us in plain round words, without evasion, the
+            _True_ Hawarden story."
+
+_Knife-Grinder_.
+
+  "Story! God bless yer! I have none to tell, Sir!
+  _Never_ tell stories, I; 'tis my sole business
+  This Wheel to turn with treadle and cry, 'Knives and
+            Scissors to grind O!'
+
+  "Constabulary? Question of Land Purchase?
+  Number of Irish Members due in justice?
+  Never said aught about 'em; don't intend to--
+            Not for the present.
+
+  "I shall be glad to do what honour urgeth;
+  Grind on alone, if you will give me _carte-blanche_,
+  Make room for JUSTIN, and forbear to meddle
+            With politics, Sir!"
+
+_Friend of Ireland_.
+
+  "_I_ give thee _carte-blanche?_ I will see thee blowed first--
+  Fraud! whom no frank appeal can move to frankness--
+  Sophist, evasive, garrulous, word-web-spinning
+            Subtle Old Spider!!!"
+
+[_Kicks the Knife-Grinder, overturns his Wheel, and exit in a fury of
+patriotic enthusiasm and forcible language._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CAPITAL AND LABOUR FORECAST;
+
+_OR, SIX OF ONE AND HALF-A-DOZEN OF THE OTHER._
+
+Though in some quarters a better feeling was reported to have
+prevailed, still, according to latest accounts, the outlook can
+scarcely be regarded as satisfactory. A meeting of the Amalgamated
+Engineering Tram-Drivers' Mutual Stand-Shoulder-to-Shoulder
+Strangulation Society was held on Glasgow Green yesterday afternoon,
+at which, amid a good deal of boisterous interruption, several
+delegates addressed the assembled audience and recounted their recent
+experiences up to date. There were still 1700 of the Company's old
+hands out of work, and though, thanks to the profound enthusiasm,
+"their just cause" had excited amidst the Trade Societies in the
+South, by which, owing to subscriptions from no less important
+bodies than the Bootmakers' Benevolent Grandmothers' Association, and
+Superannuated Undertakers' Orphan Society, they had been able to stay
+out and defy the Company, receiving all the while, every man of them,
+a stipend of 3s. 9d. a-week, still they had almost come to the end
+of their resources, and all that they had in hand towards next week's
+fund for distribution, was £1 13s. 7-1/2d., received in coppers from
+the Deputy-Chairman of the Metropolitan Boys' Boot-blacking Brigade,
+accompanied with an intimation that that help must be regarded as
+the last that can be counted on from that quarter. Under these
+circumstances it became a question whether it was not almost time to
+consider some terms of compromise.
+
+In the above sense one of the speakers addressed the meeting, but
+he was speedily followed by another, who insisted that, "come
+what might," they would stick to their latest terms, which were, a
+three-hours' day--(_loud cheers_)--and time-and-three-quarters for
+any work expected after three o'clock in the afternoon. (_Prolonged
+cheering_.)
+
+A Delegate here rose, and said it was all very well their cheering,
+but could they get it? (_A Voice, "We'll try!"_) For his part, the
+speaker continued, he had had enough of trying. With wife and children
+starving at home, he had only one course open to him, and that was,
+to knock under to the Company and their ten-hours' day, if they would
+have him. (_Groans, amid which the Speaker had his hat knocked over
+his eyes, and was kicked out of the assembly_.)
+
+The discussion was then continued, much in the same vein, and
+eventually culminated in a free fight, in which the Chairman got his
+head broken, on declaring that a Motion further limiting the working
+day to two hours and a half, was lost by a narrow majority.
+
+Yesterday afternoon the Directors' Mutual Anti-Labour Protection
+Company met at their Central Offices for the despatch of their usual
+business. The ordinary Report was read, which announced that though
+the affairs of three great Railway Companies had "gone" literally "to
+the dogs," still, the Directors of each had to be congratulated on
+showing a firm front, in refusing to acknowledge even the existence
+of their _employés_. The usual congratulatory Motions were put,
+_pro formâ_, and passed, and, amid a general manifestation of gloomy
+satisfaction, the meeting was further adjourned.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"A SALVAGE MAN."
+
+  Rudyard Kipling has hit on a picturesque plan;
+  He describes in strong language "the savage in Man."
+  Whilst amongst the conventions he raids and he ravages.
+  We'd like just a leetle more "Man" in his savages.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: IN SELF-DEFENCE.
+
+_Jones_ (_who has just told his best Story, and been rewarded with
+a gentle smile_). "UPON MY WORD, WOMEN HAVEN'T GOT THE REAL SENSE OF
+HUMOUR! WHY, WHEN I HEARD THAT STORY FOR THE FIRST TIME, ONLY LAST
+WEEK, I SIMPLY ROARED!"
+
+_Miss Smith_. "SO DID I--ONLY IT WAS LAST YEAR!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FROM OUR MUSICAL BOX.
+
+We sent our Musical Box (Cox being unable to accompany him on the
+piano or any other instrument, by reason of the severe weather) to
+hear STAVENHAGEN at St. James's Hall, Thursday last, the 22nd. Our
+Musical B. was nearly turned out of the hall, he was in such ecstasies
+of delight over a Beethovenly _concerto_, which "bangs Banagher," he
+said, subsequently translating the expression by explaining, "that
+is, beats BEETHOVEN." Our M.B. wept over a _cadenza_ composed by the
+performer, and was only restored by the appearance--her first--of
+Madame STAVENHAGEN, who gave somebody's grand _scena_ far better,
+probably, than that somebody could have given it himself, set as
+it was to fine descriptive music by the clever STAVENHAGEN, which
+delighted all hearers, especially those who were Liszt-eners.
+"Altogether," writes our Musical Box, "a very big success. Music is
+thirsty work. I am now about to do a symphony in B. and S."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+VICE VERSÂ.
+
+  A poet in the _Forum_ asks the question,
+  "Is Verse in Danger?" 'Tis a wild suggestion!
+  Is Verse in Danger? Nay, _that_'s not the curse;
+  Danger (of utter boredom) is in Verse!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"ODD MAN OUT."--On Saturday last, the last among the theatrical
+advertisements in the _Daily Telegraph_ was the mysterious one,
+"MR. CHARLES SUGDEN AT LIBERTY," and then followed his address. "At
+Liberty!" What does it mean? Has he been--it is a little difficult to
+choose the right word, but let us say immured--has he been immured in
+some cell?--for it does sound like a "sell" of another sort--and
+has he at last effected a sensational escape? No doubt CHARLES, our
+friend, will be able to offer the public a satisfactory explanation
+when he re-appears on the Stage which suffers from his absence.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PLAYING OLD GOOSEBERRY AT THE HAYMARKET;
+
+_OR, THE DOOK, THE DANCING GIRL, AND THE LITTLE LAME DUCK._
+
+What is to be admired in ENERY HAUTHOR JONES is not so much his work
+but his pluck,--for has he not, in the first place, overcome the
+prudery of the Lord Chamberlain's Licensing Department, and, in the
+second place, has he not introduced on the boards of the Haymarket a
+good old-fashioned Melodrama, brought "up to date," and disguised in
+a Comedy wrapper? Walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen, and see _The Dancing
+Girl_, a Comedy-Drama shall we call it, or, generically, a Play?
+wherein the prominent figures are a wicked Duke,--_vice_ the "wicked
+Baronet," now shelved, as nothing under the ducal rank will suit us
+nowadays, bless you!--a Provincial Puritan family, an honest bumpkin
+lover, a devil of a dancing woman who lives a double-shuffling sort of
+life, an angel of a lame girl,--who, of course, can't cut capers but
+goes in for coronets,--a sly, unprincipled, and calculating kind
+of angel she is too, but an audience that loves Melodrama is above
+indulging in uncharitable analysis of motive,--a town swell in the
+country, a more or less unscrupulous land-agent, and a genuine,
+honest "heavy father," of the ancient type, with a good old-fashioned
+melodramatic father's curse ready at the right moment, the last relic
+of a bygone period of the transpontine Melodrama, which will bring
+tears to the eyes of many an elderly playgoer on hearing the old
+familiar formula, in the old familiar situation, reproduced on
+the stage of the modern Haymarket as if through the medium of a
+phonophone.
+
+[Illustration: FINAL TABLEAU, ACT I.
+
+"O does not a Meeting (House) like this make amends?"
+
+_Ham Christison_ (_Clown_). "Ullo! Oh my! I'm a looking at yer!"]
+
+At all events, _Drusilla Ives, alias_ "the Dancing Girl "--though as
+to where she dances, how she dances, and when she dances, we are left
+pretty well in the dark, as she only gives so slight a taste of her
+quality that it seemed like a very amateurish imitation of Miss KATE
+VAUGHAN in her best day,--_Drusilla Ives_ is the mistress, neither
+pure nor simple, of the _Duke of Guisebury_,--a title which is
+evidently artfully intended by the, at present, "Only JONES" to be a
+compound of the French "Guise" and the English "Bury,"--who from his
+way of going on and playing old gooseberry with his property, might
+have been thus styled with advantage: and so henceforth let us think
+and speak of him as His Grace or His Disgrace the Duke of Gooseberry.
+
+This Duke of Gooseberry visits, "quite unbeknown,"--being, for this
+occasion only, the Duke of Disguisebury,--his own property, the Island
+of St. Endellion, just to see, we suppose, what sort of people the
+Quaker family may be from which his mistress, the Dancing Quakeress
+(and how funny she used to be at the Music Halls and at the Gaiety!),
+has sprung. For some reason or other, the Dancing Quakeress has gone
+to stay a few weeks with her family in the country, and while this
+hypocritical Daughter of HERODIAS is with her Quaker belongings at
+prayers in the Meeting House, the spirit moveth her to come out,
+and to come out uncommonly strong, as, within a yard or so of the
+building, she laughs and talks loudly with Gooseberry, and then in a
+light-hearted way she treats the Dook to some amateur imitations of
+ELLEN TERRY, finishing up with a reminiscence of KATE VAUGHAN; all
+of which _al fresco_ entertainment is given for the benefit of the
+aforesaid Gooseberry within sound of the sermon and within sight of
+the Meeting House windows. Suddenly her rustic Quaker lover, a kind
+of _Ham Peggotty_, lounges out of the Conventicle, which, as these
+persons seem to leave and enter just when it suits them, ought rather
+to be called a Chapel-of-Ease,--and, like the clown that he is, says
+in effect, "I'm a-looking at yer! I've caught yer at it!" Dismay
+of Dook and Dancer!! then Curtain on a most emphatically effective
+situation.
+
+[Illustration: Two "Regular Dawgs" having a _tête-à-tête._]
+
+The Second Act is far away the best of the lot, damaged, however, by
+vain repetitions of words and actions. To the house where Miss Dancing
+Girl is openly living under the protection of Gooseberry, the Duke's
+worthy Steward actually brings his virtuous and ingenuous young
+daughter! If ever there were a pair of artful, contriving, scheming
+humbugs, it is this worthy couple. Because the Duke saved her from
+being run over by his own horses, therefore she considers herself
+at liberty to limp after him, and round him, and about him, on every
+possible occasion, to say sharp, priggish things to him, to make love
+to him, and in the Third Act so craftily to manage as to spot him just
+as he is about to drink off a phial of poison, which operation, being
+preceded by a soliloquy of strong theatrical flavour and considerable
+length, gives the lame girl a fair chance of hobbling down the stairs
+and arresting the thus "spotted Nobleman's" arm at the critical
+moment. Curtain, and a really fine dramatic situation. "Which nobody
+can deny."
+
+[Illustration: ACT III. Pantaloon David Peggotty Gladstone Ives.]
+
+It is in this same Third Act that the fine old crusted melodramatic
+curse is uncorked, and a good imperial quart of wrath is poured out on
+his dancing daughter's head by the heavy father, who, in his country
+suit, forces his way into the gilded halls of the Duke's mansion, past
+the flunkeys, the head butler, and all the rest of the usual pampered
+menials. An audience that can accept this old-fashioned cheap-novel
+kind of clap-trap, and witness, without surprise, the marvellous
+departure of all the guests, supperless, for no assigned cause, or
+explicable reason, not even an alarm of fire having been given, will
+swallow a considerable amount.
+
+The Fourth Act is an anticlimax, and shows up the faulty construction
+of the drama. Of course the news comes that the Dancing Girl is dead,
+and this information is brought by a Sainte Nitouche of a "Sister" of
+some Theatrical Order (not admitted after half-past seven), whose very
+appearance is a _suggestio falsi_. Equally, of course, a letter is
+found, which, as exculpating Gooseberry, induces the old cuss of a
+Puritan father to shake hands with the converted "Spotted Nobleman";
+but, be it remembered, the Dook is still his landlord, and the value
+of the property is going up considerably. Then it appears that the old
+humbug of an agent has sagaciously speculated in the improvement of
+the island, and poor Gooseberry feels under such an obligation to that
+sly puss of an agent's daughter, that, in a melancholy sort of way,
+he offers her his hand, which she, the artful little hussy of a _Becky
+Sharp_, with considerable affectation of coyness, accepts, and down
+goes the Curtain upon as unsatisfactory and commonplace a termination
+to a good Melodrama as any Philistine of the Philistines could
+possibly wish. It would have been a human tragedy indeed had poor
+Gooseberry poisoned himself, and the girl whose life he had saved had
+arrived just too late, only to die of a broken heart. But that "is
+quite another story."
+
+The piece is well played all round, especially by the men. Mr. TREE
+is excellent, except in the ultra-melodramatic parts, where he is too
+noisy. The very best thing he does is the perfect finish of the Second
+Act, when, without a word, he sits in the chair before the fire lost
+in dismal thought. This is admirable: as perfect in its dramatic force
+as it is true to nature. It is without exception the best thing in the
+whole piece. Mr. F. KERR as _Reginald Slingsby_, achieves a success
+unequalled since Mr. BANCROFT played the _parvenu_ swell _Hawtree_. It
+should be borne in mind that Mr. KERR only recently played admirably
+the poor stuttering shabby lover in _The Struggle for Life. Il ira
+loin, ce bon_ M. KERR. Miss JULIA NEILSON looks the part to the life:
+when she has ceased to give occasional imitations of Miss ELLEN TERRY,
+and can really play the part as well as she looks it, then nothing
+more could be possibly desired. All the others as good as need be, or
+can be.
+
+[Illustration: FINAL TABLEAU.
+
+Triumph of the Artful Agent and his lame Duck of a Daughter, Sybil
+Slyboots, _alias_ Becky Sharp, afterwards the Merry Duchess of
+Gooseberry.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE BOGEY, MAN!
+
+(_RETORT OF A LADY-PLAYER WHO PLAYS "FOR LOVE."_)
+
+    ["No game was ever yet invented which held the female mind in
+    thrall save by indirect means. Where would croquet have been,
+    so far as the Ladies were concerned, without its Curates, or
+    lawn-tennis without its 'Greek gods' ... If men played for
+    nothing, they would find it dull enough."--JAMES PAYN]
+
+  'Tis mighty well for Menfolk at Womankind to gibe,
+  And swear they do not care for games without some lure or bribe,
+  But e'en in JAMES PAYN's armour there seems some weakish joints;
+  He does not care for "glorious Whist" unless for "sixpenny points!"
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! It charms the Bogey, Man:
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll play it when he can.
+      But "pointless Whist," as PAYN admits, is not at all his plan;
+      You must have "money on" to please the Bogey, Man!
+
+  Now, Ladies like to play "for love," a fault male hucksters blame,
+  But only sordid souls deny _that_ is the true "grand game."
+  Man's vulgarer ambition's not just to play well and win;
+  His eye is ever on the stakes, his interest on the "tin."
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! That blatant Bogey, Man!
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll flout us when he can.
+      "Indirect means" though, after all, are portions of _his_ plan;
+      For all his brag he loves the "swag," the Bogey, Man!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MUM'S THE WORD!
+
+    [Mr. CHAMBERLAIN presided lately at a Deaf-and-Dumb Meeting.]
+
+            JOSEPH _reflecteth_:--
+  Deaf-mutes make the best audience, I see;
+    _They_ gave me no rude flood of gibes to stem.
+  True, they were deaf, and so could not hear _me_,
+    But they were dumb, so _I_ could not hear them!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MADAME ROLAND RE-EDITED (_from a sham-Japanese point of view_).--O
+LIBERTY! what strange (decorative) things are done in thy name!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+JACK'S APPEAL.
+
+    ["It is impossible for warrant-officers in the Navy not to
+    see that they are placed at a disadvantage as compared with
+    non-commissioned officers in the Army, and it must be
+    very difficult to persuade them that the two cases are
+    so essentially different as to afford no real ground for
+    grievance."--_The "Times," on "An Earnest Appeal on Behalf of
+    the Rank and File of the Navy_."]
+
+_Jack Tar to Tommy Atkins, loquitur_:--
+
+  TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, penmen write pertikler fine
+  Of the Wooden Walls of England, and likeways the Thin Red Line;
+  But for those as form that Line, mate, or for those as man them Walls,
+  Scribes don't seem so precious anxious to kick up their lyric squalls.
+  Not a bit of it, my hearty; for one reason--it don't pay;
+  There is small demand, my TOMMY, for a DIBDIN in our day.
+  Oh, I know that arter dinner your M.P.'s can up and quote
+  Tasty tit-bits from old CHARLEY, which they all reel off by rote;
+  But if there _is_ a cherub up aloft to watch poor JACK,
+  That there cherub ain't a poet,--bards are on another tack.
+
+  TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, BULL is sweet on "loyal toasts,"
+  And he spends his millions freely on his squadrons and his hosts,
+  But there isn't much on't, messmate, not so fur as _I_ can see,
+  Whether 'tis rant or rhino, that gets spent on you and me.
+  Still the _Times_ has took our case up,--werry handsome o' the _Times_!--
+  I have heard it charged with prejudice, class-hate, and similar crimes,
+  But it shows it's got fair sperret and a buzzum as can feel
+  When it backs us with a "Leader" arter printing our "Appeal."
+  You are better off, my TOMMY, than the Navy Rank and File,
+  You _may_ chance to get promotion,--arter waiting a good while--
+  But the tip-top of Tar luck's to be a Warrant Officer;
+  We ain't like to get no further, if we even get _as_ fur.
+  'Tain't encouraging, my hearty. As for me, I'm old and grey,
+  'Tis too late now for promotion if it chanced to come _my_ way;
+  And my knowledge, and my patter, and my manners--well I guess
+  They mayn't be percisely fitted for a dandy ward-room mess.
+  But the Navy of the Future, TOMMY ATKINS, is our care,
+  We have gone through many changes, and for others must prepare.
+  It will make the Navy popular, more prospect of advance;
+  And what I say is, TOMMY,--_let the young uns have a chance!_
+  Some I know will cry "Impossible," and slate the scheme like fun.
+  Most good things are "impossible," my TOMMY,--_till they're done!_
+  Quarter-decks won't fill from fokesels, not to any great extent;
+  But, give good men a better chance! I guess that's all that's meant.
+  As the _Times_ says, werry sensible and kind-like, preju_dice_,
+  Though strong at first, dies quickly, melts away like thaw-struck ice;
+  If every brave French soldier, with a knapsack on his back,
+  _May_ find a Marshal's baton at the bottom of that pack,
+  Why should not a true British Tar, with pluck, and luck, and wit,
+  Find at last a "Luff's" commission hidden somewheres in his kit?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+WAKING THEM UP.
+
+_FLY-LEAF FROM AN ENERGETIC KAISER'S DIARY._
+
+10 P.M.--Slip out of Opera and take somebody else's overcoat from
+cloak-room when nobody is looking, jump into a four-wheeler, and drive
+to station. Am recognised, and a special train is called out. Give
+them the slip, and get into a horse-box of third-class omnibus-train
+just about to start.
+
+10.15 P.M. t_ 2.30 A.M.--Still in horse-box.
+
+2.45 AM.--Stop at a big town. Hurry out. Stopped for ticket. Throw off
+disguise of somebody else's overcoat, and declare myself. Guard called
+out to escort me. When they are looking the other way, hide under
+refreshment-counter, and get out of station unobserved on all-fours.
+Am collared by a policeman. Again have to declare myself. Give
+policeman twenty marks, bind him to silence, and borrow his official
+cloak. Find out Burgomaster's address. Hammer at his front door till I
+have stirred up the whole household.
+
+4 A.M. to 5 A.M.--Find out the Archbishop. Bang at his front door
+till he puts his head out of window, and wants to know "What on
+earth's the matter?" Hide round the corner. Repeat same business, with
+more or less success, at the residence of the Chief Justice, then at
+that of the Clerk of the Peace, and at those of any other officials
+I can call to mind, winding up by a regular good row at that of the
+General in Command. Trumpeter comes out. Take bugle from him, and give
+the call. General in Command rubs his eyes sleepily, and says he'll be
+down presently.
+
+5 A.M.--Hurry back to station. Catch early cattle-train going back to
+Berlin. Jump on engine, and declare myself. Wire approach down line,
+and tear away with the cattle, at seventy miles an hour, getting
+back to Berlin just in time for breakfast. Fancy I woke them up!
+Altogether, a very enjoyable outing.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: GENUINE ENTHUSIASM.
+
+(_A Thaw Picture_.)
+
+WHAT MATTER AN INCH OR TWO OF SURFACE-WATER, IF THE ICE BE STILL SOUND
+UNDERNEATH!]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"ROUGE ET NOIR!"
+
+OR, JONATHAN'S PERPLEXING PROBLEM.
+
+(_SOME WAY AFTER HOSEA BIGLOW'S "JONATHAN TO JOHN."_)
+
+_Jonathan (who has been reading the Articles on "The Negro Question in
+the United States," in the English "Times") loq._:--
+
+  It may be ez you're right, JOHN,
+    And both my hands _are_ full;
+  _You_ know ez I can fight, JOHN,
+    (I've wiped out "Sitting Bull").
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    We see our fix," sez he.
+  "The 'Thunderer's' paw lays down the law,
+    Accordin' to J.B.
+    To square it's left to _me_!"
+
+  Blood ain't so cool as ink, JOHN;
+    Big words are easy wrote;
+  The "coons"--well, you don't think, JOHN,
+    I'll let 'em cut my throat.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    Ghost-dance must stop," sez he.
+    "Suppose the 'braves' and black ex-slaves
+    Hed b'longed to ole J.B.
+    Insted of unto me?"
+
+  Ten art'cles in your _Times_, JOHN,
+    Hev giv me good advice.
+  I mind th' old Slavery crimes, JOHN.
+    I don't need tellin' twice.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,
+    I only guess," sez he,
+  "Seven million blacks on his folks' backs
+    Would kind o' rile J.B.
+    Ez much ez it riles me!"
+
+  The Red Man,--well, I s'pose, JOHN,
+    We'll hev to wipe _him_ aout.
+  Sech pizonous trash ez those, JOHN,
+    The world kin do without.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    Injuns must go," sez he.
+    "COOPER's Red Man won't fit our plan,
+    Though he once witched J.B.
+    As once he fetched e'en _me_!"
+
+  The Black Man! Ah, that's wuss, JOHN.
+    The chaps wuz right, ay _joost_,
+  Who said the Slavery cuss, JOHN,
+    Wud yet come home to roost.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    The problem set," sez he,
+    "By that derned Nig. is black and big,
+    And fairly puzzles me,
+    Ez it wud do J.B."
+
+  Your _Times_ would right our wrongs, JOHN,
+    --Always _wuz_ sweet on us!--
+  But on dilemma's prongs, JOHN,
+    To fix me don't _you_ fuss.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,
+    Though physic's good," sez he,
+    "It doesn't foller that he can swaller
+    Prescriptions signed J.B.
+    Put up by you for me!"
+
+  Thet swaggerin' black buck Nig., JOHN,
+    Is jest a grown-up kid;
+  Ez happy as a ---- pig, JOHN,
+    When doin' wut he's bid.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    He's hateful when he's free.
+  Equal with _him_, that dark-skinn'd limb?
+    No; that will not suit _me_,
+    More than it wud J.B.!"
+
+  Emigrate the whole lot, JOHN?
+    Well, that's a tallish task!
+  In Afric's centre hot, JOHN,
+    Send 'em to breed and bask?
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    _I_'d be right glad," sez he,
+    "But--_will they go?_ 'Tain't done, you know,
+    As easy as J.B.
+    Wud settle it--for me!"
+
+  _Rouge_--there I see my way, JOHN.
+    But _Noir_--thet's hard to front!
+  It wun't be no child's play, JOHN,
+    Seven million Nigs to shunt.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    We've a hard row," sez he,
+    "To hoe just now, but thet, somehow,
+    I fancy, friend J.B.,
+    Your _Times_ may leave to _me_!"
+
+    [_Left considering it._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+WELCOME BACK!
+
+    [Mr. SANTLEY, who has been long absent in Australia,
+    reappeared at St. James's Hall on Jan. 19, and was received
+    with great enthusiasm.]
+
+  Back from your Australian trip!
+  _Punch_, my CHARLES, your fist must grip.
+  You have lighted on a time
+  When we're all chill, choke, and grime.
+  'Twere no marvel, O great baritone,
+  Did you find your voice had nary tone.
+  But there's none like you can sing
+  "_To Anthea_," "_The Erl-King_."
+  SCHUBERT, GOUNOD, English HATTON,
+  Equally your Fine Art's pat on.
+  _Punch_ can never praise _you_ scantly.
+  _À votre santé_, good CHARLES SANTLEY!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: "ROUGE ET NOIR!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: OUR SPORT AND ART EXHIBITION.
+
+"ON THE SCENT."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FOR _BETTER_--OR WORSE.
+
+    [At the Anti-Gambling Demonstration recently held in Exeter
+    Hall, Sir RICHARD WEBSTER, the Attorney-General, said that it
+    was supposed by many that it was impossible to enjoy athletic
+    pursuits without becoming interested in a pecuniary sense. He
+    should therefore like to add, not for the purpose of holding
+    himself up as an example, that, during his entire interest in
+    sports of all kinds, he had never made a bet.]
+
+  Ah! these are days when Recklessness, bereft of ready cash,
+  Will strive to remedy the void by speculative splash;
+  It is a salutary sight for Bankruptcy and Debt--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  His interest in manly sports, an interest immense,
+  Was ne'er degraded to a mere "pecuniary sense;"
+  His boyhood's love of marbles leaves him nothing to regret--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  Next, when a youth, the cricket-bat he first began to wield,
+  And "Heads or Tails?" re-echoed for the Innings through the field.
+  He sternly scorned to toss the coin, howe'er his friends might fret--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  And when, an Undergraduate, he swiftly skimmed his mile,
+  And comrades staked with confidence on him their little pile,
+  He'd beg them not on his account in gambling ways to get--
+  This good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  To play for money ruins whist: and seldom can his Club
+  Persuade him to put counters (coins for Zulus!) on the rub;
+  He _has_ been known for lozenges to dabble with piquet;
+  He wasn't Chief Attorney then, nor was it _quite_ a bet.
+
+  His wise profession's ornament, he looks on all such games
+  Far otherwise than RUSSELL does, than LOCKWOOD, HALL, or JAMES;
+  For pure platonic love of play he stands, unequalled yet--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  St. Stephen's, too, thinks much of him; but ah! his soul it pains
+  To know that Speculation o'er the lobby sometimes reigns;
+  He's chided OLD MORALITY and RANDOLPH and the set,
+  Beseeching them on bended knees to never make a bet.
+
+  We all are fond of him, in short, the Boxes with the Gods;
+  That he's a first-rate fellow we would gladly lay the odds.
+  But no!--himself would veto that. We must not wound our pet
+  Precise Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE ARISTOTELIAN TREASURE-TROVE.
+
+  All have heard of "a Manuscript found in a Bottle,"
+    But here is a waif with romance yet more fraught:
+  A newly-found treatise by old ARISTOTLE
+    Is flotsam indeed from the Ocean of Thought.
+  Oh, happy discoverer, lucky Museum!
+    Not this time the foreigner scores off JOHN BULL.
+  Teuton pundits would lift, for such luck, their _Te Deum_!
+    No SHAPIRA, _Punch_ hopes, such a triumph to dull!
+  May it all turn out right! Further details won't tire us.
+  We _may_ get some straight-tips from that Coptic papyrus!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ROBERT ON SKATIN'.
+
+Well, I begins to agree with them as says, and says it too as if they
+ment it, that noboddy can reelly tell what is reel grand injiyment
+till they trys it, and trys it farely, and gives it a good chance. I
+remembers how I used to try and like Crikkit, when I was much yunger
+than I am now, and stuck to it in spite of several black eyes when I
+stood pint, and shouts of, "Now then, Butter-Fingers!" when I stood
+leg, till a serten werry fast Bowler sent me away from the wicket with
+two black and blew legs, and then I guv it up. I guv up Foot Ball for
+simler reesuns, and have never attemted not nothink in the Hathlettick
+line ewer since, my sumwat rapid increase in size and wait a hading me
+in that wise resolooshun.
+
+But sumhow it appened, dooring the hawful whether we has all bin a
+shivering threw for this long time, that I found my atenshun direckted
+to the strange fack that, whilst amost ewerybody was busily engaged
+in a cussin and swarin at the bitter cold and the dirty slippery sno,
+ewerybody else seemed to be injying of theirselves like wun-a-clock.
+Now it so appened that when waiting one day upon the young swell I
+have before spoken of, at the "Grand 'Otel," he was jined by another
+swell, who told him what a glorius day's skating he had been avin in
+Hide Park! and how he ment to go agen to-morrer, "if the luvly frost
+wood but continue!"
+
+So my cureosety was naterally egsited, and nex day off I gos to Hide
+Park, and there I seed the xplanation of what had serprised me so
+much. For there was hunderds and hunderds of not only spectably drest
+Gents, but also of reel-looking Ladys, a skatin away like fun, and
+a larfing away and injying theirselves jest as if it had bin a nice
+Summer's day. Presently I append to find myself a standing jest by a
+nice respectabel looking man, with a nice, cumferal-looking chair,
+and seweral pares of Skates; and presently he says to me, quite
+permiscus-like, "They all seems to be a injying theirselves, don't
+they, Sir?" which they most suttenly did; and then he says to me, says
+he, "Do you skate, Sir?" to which my natral pride made me reply, "Not
+much!" "Will you have a pair on. Sir," says he, "jest for a trial?"
+"Is there any fear of a axident?" says I. "Oh no. Sir," says he, "not
+if you follers my hinstrucshuns." So I acshally sets myself down
+in his chair, and lets him put me on a pair of Skates! The first
+differculty was, how to get up, which I found as I coudn't manage
+at all without his asistance; for, strange to say, both of my feet
+insisted on going quite contrary ways. Howewer, by grarsping on him
+quite tite round his waste, I at last manidged to go along three or
+four slides, and then I returned to the chair, and sat down again; and
+he was kind enuff to compliment me, and to say that he thort I was a
+gitting on fust-rate, and, if I woud only cum ewery day for about a
+week or so, he had no dowt but he shood see me a skating a figger of
+hate like the best on 'em!
+
+Hencouraged by his truthfool remarks, I at larst wentured to let go of
+him and try a few slides by myself, and shood no dowt have suckseeded
+hadmerably, but my bootifal stick to which I was a trustin to elp me
+from falling, slided rite away from me in a most unnatral manner,
+and down I came on my onerabel seat, with such a smasher as
+seemed to shake all my foreteen stun into a cocked-hat, to speak,
+hallegorically, and there I lay, elpless and opeless, and wundring how
+on airth I shood ever get up again. But my trusty frend and guide was
+soon at my side, as the Poet says, but all his united force, with that
+of too boys who came to his assistance, and larfed all the wile, as
+rude boys will, coud not get me on my feet agen 'till my too skates
+was taken off, and I agen found myself on _terror fermer_ on my
+friend's chair. It took me longer to recover myself than I shood have
+thort posserbel, but at larst I was enabled to crawl away, but not
+'till my frend had supplied me with jest a nice nip of brandy, which
+he said he kept andy in case of any such surprisin axidents as had
+appened to me.
+
+So what with paying for the use of the skates, and the use of the
+Brandy, and the use of the too boys, and the use of a handsum Cab to
+take me to the "Grand," that was rayther a deer ten minutes skating,
+and as it was reelly and trewly my fust attemt at that poplar and
+xciting passtime, I think I may safely affirm--as I have alreddy done
+to my better harf--whose langwidge, when I related my hadwentur,
+is scarcely worth repeating, as it was most certenly not
+complementary--that it shall be my larst. ROBERT.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: REMINISCENCES OF SPORT IN THE SNOW.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A FREEZING POINT.
+
+(_BY A FROZEN-OUT LOVER._)
+
+  They tell me thou art cold, my sweet--
+    A fact that scarcely odd is.
+  Gales half so cruel never beat
+    Against poor human bodies.
+  Cupid's attire is far too light
+  To weather Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+  How can a glow the soul entrance,
+    When frostbite nips the finger,
+  And blushes quit the countenance
+    To nigh the nostril linger!
+  Warmth were a miracle, in sight
+  And grip of Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+  Chill! chill to _me_, my Paradise!!
+    I'll not complain or curse on.
+  One cannot well be otherwise
+    To any mortal person.
+  Mere icebergs ambulant, we fight
+  Ferocious Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+  Cold art thou? Not so cold as I--
+    Nought living could be colder.
+  I'm far too cold to sob or sigh,
+    Still less in passion smoulder.
+  I'm turning fast to something quite
+  As numb as Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+INFORMATION REQUIRED.--"Sir, I see a Volume advertised entitled,
+_Unspoken Sermons_. I should be glad to know where these are preached,
+as that's the place for yours truly, ONE WHO SNORES."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+NEW BOOK OF IRISH LIFE.--_The Bedad's Sons_. By the Author of the tale
+of Indian Life, _The Begum's Daughters_.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY.
+
+THESE GENTLEMEN ARE EXPECTED TO BE IN A JUDICIAL FRAME OF MIND AFTER
+HANGING ABOUT THE PRECINCTS OF THE COURT FOR SEVERAL DAYS, UNDER
+PENALTY OF A HEAVY FINE, WHILE THEIR PRIVATE BUSINESS IN THE CITY AND
+ELSEWHERE IS GOING TO THE DOGS. (WHY SHOULD NOT HALF-PAY OFFICERS DO
+THE WORK, AND RELIEVE BUSY MEN?)]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
+
+EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
+
+_House of Commons, Thursday, January 22_.--Both Houses met to-day
+after Christmas Recess. No QUEEN's Speech; no moving and seconding of
+Address; no Royal Commission and procession of SPEAKER to Lords. All
+seems strange, and spirits generally a little depressed. Only ROBERT
+FOWLER rises superior to circumstances of hour. Blustering about the
+Lobby "like Boreas," says CAUSTON.
+
+[Illustration: King Yah! Yah!]
+
+"Only not so rude," says HARRY LAWSON, jealous for the reputation of
+Metropolitan Members, even though some sit on the Benches opposite.
+With folded hands thrust behind coat-tails, rollicking stride,
+thunderous voice, and blooming countenance, Sir ROBERT positively
+pervades the Lobby. Personally receives POPE HENNESSY; shakes
+hands with everybody; and finally halting for a moment under the
+electric-lit archway leading into House, presents interesting and
+attractive picture of the Glorified Alderman.
+
+Scotch Members take possession of Commons to-night. LORD ADVOCATE
+brings in Bill, providing new machinery for private legislation; the
+Scotch Members with one accord fall upon proposal, and tear it to
+ribbons. Meanwhile other Members troop off to Lords, where spectacle
+is provided which beats the pantomimes into fits. Two new Peers to
+take their seats; procession formed in back room outside; enters from
+below Bar. First comes Black Rod, with nothing black about him; then
+Garter King-at-Arms, a herculean personage, fully five feet high, with
+a dangerous gleam in his eye, and the Royal Arms of England quartered
+in scarlet and blue and gold on his manly back. Behind, in red cloaks
+slashed with ermine, the new Baron and his escort of two brother
+Peers. There being no room for them to advance in due procession, they
+fall into single file, make their way to the Woolsack, where sits that
+pink of chivalry, that mould of fashion, that perfection of form, the
+LORD HIGH CHANCELLOR.
+
+New Peer drops on one knee, presents bundle of paper to LORD
+CHANCELLOR. L.C., coyly turning his head on one side, gingerly takes
+roll, hands it to Attendant. New Peer gets up; procession bundles back
+to table; here Gentleman in wig and gown gabbles something from long
+document. New Peer writes his name in a book (probably promising
+subscription towards expenses of performance.) Garter King-at-Arms
+getting to the front trots off with comically short strides for
+so great a dignity; New Peer and escort follow, Black Rod solemnly
+bringing up rear. Garter King makes for Cross Benches by the
+door; passes along one, the rest following, as if playing game of
+Follow-my-leader. Garter King suddenly making off to the right, walks
+up Gangway to row of empty Benches. Stops at the topmost row but one,
+and passes along. New Peer wants to follow him. Garter King prods him
+in chest with small stick, and tells him to go on to the Bench above.
+This he does, with escort. Meanwhile, Black Rod left out in the cold.
+Garter King motions to three Peers to be seated; tells them to put on
+their cocked-hats; counts ten; nods to them; they rise to feet, uplift
+cocked-hats in direction of LORD CHANCELLOR on Woolsack. He raises his
+in return of salute. Three Peers sit down again. Garter King counts
+ten; nods; up they get again, salute LORD CHANCELLOR; sit down once
+more. "One--two--three--four--ten," Garter King mumbles to himself.
+Once more they rise; salute LORD CHANCELLOR; then Garter King leading
+the way, they march back to Woolsack.
+
+Garter King now introduces new Member to LORD CHANCELLOR. L.C. starts
+as if he had never seen him before; then extends right hand; New Peer
+shakes it, procession reformed, walks out behind Bar. A few minutes
+later, another comes in, all the business done over again. Impressive,
+but a little monotonous, and as soon as possible after its conclusion
+Noble Lords go home.
+
+_Business done_.--In Commons, Private Bill Legislation Bill read a
+Second Time.
+
+_Friday_.--WM. O'BRIEN, standing with tear-stained face on pier at
+Boulogne waving wet handkerchief across the main, has drawn away
+JUSTIN McCARTHY, who can't be back till Monday. PARNELL was to have
+come down to-day, and, making believe to be still Leader of United
+Irishmen, asked OLD MORALITY to set aside day for discussion of his
+Motion on operation of Crimes Act. BRER FOX accordingly looked in
+shortly after SPEAKER took the Chair.
+
+[Illustration: Dr. Channing in the Pulpit.]
+
+"Seen BRER RABBIT anywhere about, TOBY?" he asked.
+
+So I up and told him about McCARTHY's new journey to Boulogne.
+
+"Oh, indeed," said BRER FOX; "if that's the case, I think I won't
+trouble House to-night. Got an engagement elsewhere; think I'll go and
+keep it. Not used to hanging about here, as you know; awful bore
+to me; but as long as BRER RABBIT comes here, I must be on spot to
+vindicate my position. So I'll say ta-ta. No--never mind ringing for
+fire-escape; can walk down the steps to-day."
+
+Thus there being no Irish Leader on the premises, and hardly any Irish
+Members, had a rare chance for attending to British business. CHANNING
+brought on question of working Overtime on the Railways; moved
+Resolution invoking interference of Board of Trade. Question a little
+awkward for Government. Couldn't afford to offend Railway Directors,
+yet wouldn't do to flout numerous body of working-men, chiefly voters.
+Proposed to shelve business by appointment of Select Committee.
+Opposition not going to let them off so easily. Debate kept up all
+night, winding up with critical Division; Government majority only 17.
+
+"And this," said OLD MORALITY, with injured look, "after PLUNKET's
+brilliant oration on the time-tables of the London and North-Western
+Railway Company! If he'd only illustrated it with magic-lantern,
+things would have gone differently." But he was obstinate; said there
+would be difficulty in arranging the slides, and so rejected proposal.
+
+_Business done_.--CHANNING's Resolution about Overtime on Railways
+negatived by 141 Votes against 124.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HOMAGE TO SIR JAMES HANNEN.
+
+Sir,--As the recognised organ of the legal profession, will you permit
+me to address you? It is common knowledge that within the last few
+days the Right Honourable Sir JAMES HANNEN has been raised to a
+dignity greater than that he has been able to claim for the last
+eighteen years, when he has sat as President of the Probate, Divorce,
+and Admiralty Division of the High Court of Justice. On leaving the
+Court in which so many of us were known to him, he was kind enough
+to say, "Those eighteen years had been eighteen years of happiness to
+him, chiefly arising from the advantage he had had in having before
+him habitually practising in that Court Barristers who had felt that
+their part was just as important as his in the administration
+of Justice, and who had assisted him enormously. Without their
+assistance, his task would have been an arduous one, whereas it had
+been, as he had said, an agreeable one." As I personally have had the
+honour of appearing before his Lordship for many years, I think that
+it is only right that I should make some acknowledgment of this kind
+recognition of my services.
+
+It is quite true that I have felt, as Sir JAMES HANNEN suggests, that
+my part (humble as it may have been) has been just as important as his
+in the administration of Justice. But it is gratifying to me beyond
+measure to learn that my invariable custom of bowing to his
+Lordship on the commencement and conclusion of each day's forensic
+duties--which has been the limit of my "habitual practice" in the
+Probate Division--should "have assisted him enormously." I can only
+say that, thanks to his unvarying kindness and courtesy, my daily
+recognition of his greetings from the Bench, instead of being an
+arduous task, has ever been an agreeable one. I have the honour to
+remain, Sir, your very obedient servant,
+
+(_Signed_)
+
+A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR.
+
+_Pump-Handle Court, January 24, 1891._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"PRO-DIGIOUS!"--In last Sunday's _Observer_ we read that at St.
+Petersburg Madame MELBA, as _Juliette, "was recalled thirty-one times
+before the proscenium._" The italics are ours, rather! If this sort of
+thing is to be repeated during the Opera season here, and each gifted
+singer is recalled in proportion to his or her merits, the audience
+will not get away till the following morning. _Juliette_ must have
+said, on the above-mentioned occasion, "Parting is such sweet sorrow,
+That I could say 'good-night' until to-morrow." And the usual chorus
+of operatic _habitués_ will be, "We won't go home till morning. Till
+daylight doth appear!" with _refrain_, "For--she (or he)'s a jolly
+good singer," &c., _ad infinitum_, or "_ad infi-next-nightum_."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE FRIEZE OF THE PARTHENON.
+
+ENGLAND TO ATHENS:--
+
+  O Queen of Cities, with a crown of woe,
+    Scarred by the ruin of two thousand years,
+  By fraud and by barbarian force laid low,
+    Buried in dust, and watered with the tears
+  Of unregarded bondmen, toiling on,
+  Crushed in the shadow of their Parthenon;
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+  Mother of heroes, Athens, nought availed
+    The Macedonian's triumph, or the chain
+  Of Rome; the conquering Osmanli failed,
+    His myriad hosts have trampled thee in vain.
+  They for thy deathless body raised the pyre,
+  And held the torch, but Heaven forbade the fire.
+
+  Then didst thou rise, and, shattering thy bands,
+    Burst in war's thunder on the Muslim horde,
+  Who shrank appalled before thee, while thy hands
+    Wielded again the imperishable sword,
+  The sword that smote the Persian when he came,
+  Countless as sand, thy virgin might to tame.
+
+  Mother of freemen, Athens, thou art free,
+    Free as the spirits of thy mighty dead;
+  And Freedom's northern daughter calls to thee,
+    "How shall I help thee, sister? Raise thy head,
+  O Athens, say what can I give thee now,
+  I who am free, to deck thy marble brow?"
+
+
+ATHENS REPLIES:--
+
+  Shot-dinted, but defiant of decay,
+    Stand my gaunt columns in a tragic line,
+  The shattered relics of a glorious day,
+   Mute guardians of the lost Athena's shrine.
+  The flame of hope, that faded to despair
+  Ere Hellas burst her chains, is imaged there.
+
+  Yet one there was who came to her for gain,
+    Ere yet the years of her despair were run;
+  And with harsh zeal defaced the ruined fane
+    Full in the blazing light of Hellas' sun.
+  Spoiling my home with sacrilegious hand,
+  He bore his captives to a foreign land.
+
+  Ilissus mourns his tutelary god,
+    Theseus in some far city doth recline:
+  Lost is the Horse of Night that erstwhile trod
+    My hall; the god-like shapes that once were mine
+  Call to me, "Mother save us ere we die,
+  Far from thy arms beneath a sunless sky."
+
+  How shall I answer? for my arms are fain
+    To clasp them fast upon the rock-bound steep,
+  Their ancient home. Shall Athens yearn in vain,
+    And all in vain must woful Hellas weep?
+  Must the indignant shade of PHIDIAS mourn
+  For his dear city, free but how forlorn?
+
+  How shall I answer? Nay, I turn to thee,
+    England, and pray thee, from thy northern throne
+  Step down and hearken, give them back to me,
+    O generous sister, give me back mine own.
+  Thy jewelled forehead needs no alien gem
+  Torn from a hapless sister's diadem.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS.,
+Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no
+case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed
+Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol.
+100., Jan. 31, 1891, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, JAN. 31, 1891 ***
+
+***** This file should be named 13067-8.txt or 13067-8.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        https://www.gutenberg.org/1/3/0/6/13067/
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+https://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+https://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at https://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit https://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
+donations.  To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     https://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/old/13067-8.zip b/old/13067-8.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2b3849c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-8.zip
diff --git a/old/13067-h.zip b/old/13067-h.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e86188a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h.zip
diff --git a/old/13067-h/13067-h.htm b/old/13067-h/13067-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..300f6d6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/13067-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,2537 @@
+<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN"
+    "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
+<head>
+    <meta http-equiv="Content-Type"
+          content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" />
+
+    <title>Punch, January 31, 1891.</title>
+    <style type="text/css">
+    /*<![CDATA[*/
+
+    <!--
+    body                 {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+    p                    {text-align: justify;}
+    blockquote           {text-align: justify;}
+    h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6    {text-align: center;}
+    pre                  {font-size: 0.7em;}
+
+    hr                   {text-align: center; width: 50%;}
+    html>body hr         {margin-right: 25%; margin-left: 25%; width: 50%;}
+    hr.full              {width: 100%;}
+    html>body hr.full    {margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 0%; width: 100%;}
+    hr.short             {text-align: center; width: 20%;}
+    html>body hr.short   {margin-right: 40%; margin-left: 40%; width: 20%;}
+
+    .note
+    {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;}
+
+    span.pagenum
+    {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt;}
+
+    .poem
+    {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;}
+    .poem .stanza        {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;}
+    .poem p              {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;}
+    .poem p.i2           {margin-left: 1em;}
+    .poem p.i4           {margin-left: 2em;}
+    .poem p.i6           {margin-left: 3em;}
+    .poem p.i8           {margin-left: 4em;}
+    .poem p.i10          {margin-left: 5em;}
+
+    .figure, .figcenter, .figright, .figleft
+    {padding: 1em; margin: 0; text-align: center; font-size: 0.8em;}
+    .figure img, .figcenter img, .figright img, .figleft img
+                       {border: none;}
+    .figure p, .figcenter p, .figright p, .figleft p
+                       {margin: 0; text-indent: 1em;}
+    .figcenter           {margin: auto;}
+    .figright            {float: right;}
+    .figleft             {float: left;}
+
+    .inline              {border: none; vertical-align: middle;}
+
+    .footnote            {font-size: 0.9em; margin-right: 10%; margin-left: 10%;}
+
+    .side { float:right;
+          font-size: 75%;
+          width: 25%;
+          padding-left:10px;
+          border-left: dashed thin;
+          margin-left: 10px;
+          text-align: left;
+          text-indent: 0;
+          font-weight: bold;
+          font-style: italic;}
+    -->
+    /*]]>*/
+    </style>
+</head>
+
+<body>
+
+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100.,
+Jan. 31, 1891, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100., Jan. 31, 1891
+
+Author: Various
+
+Release Date: July 31, 2004 [EBook #13067]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, JAN. 31, 1891 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+    <h1>PUNCH,<br />
+     OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1>
+
+    <h2>Vol. 100.</h2>
+    <hr class="full" />
+
+    <h2>January 31, 1891.</h2>
+    <hr class="full" />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page49"
+       id="page49"></a>[pg 49]</span>
+
+    <h2>VOCES POPULI.</h2>
+
+    <h3>A ROW IN THE PIT; OR, THE OBSTRUCTIVE HAT.</h3>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>SCENE&mdash;<i>The Pit during Pantomime Time.</i></p>
+
+        <p><i>The Overture is beginning.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <div class="figright"
+         style="width:25%;">
+        <a href="images/49-1.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/49-1.png"
+             alt="" /></a>
+    </div>
+
+    <p><i>An Over-heated Matron</i> (<i>to her Husband</i>). Well,
+    they don't give you much <i>room</i> in 'ere, I <i>must</i>
+    say. Still, we done better than I expected, after all that
+    crushing. I thought my ribs was gone once&mdash;but it was on'y
+    the umbrella's. You pretty comfortable where you are, eh.
+    Father?</p>
+
+    <p><i>Father</i>. Oh, I'm right enough, I am.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy</i> (<i>their Son; a small boy, with a piping
+    voice</i>). If <i>Father</i> is, it's more nor what <i>I</i>
+    am. I can't see, Mother, I can't!</p>
+
+    <p><i>His Mother</i>. Lor' bless the boy! there ain't nothen to
+    <i>see</i> yet; you'll see well enough when the Curting goes
+    up. (<i>Curtain rises on opening scene</i>). Look, JIMMY, ain't
+    <i>that</i> nice, now? All them himps dancin' round, and real
+    fire comin' out of the pot&mdash;which I 'ope it's quite
+    safe&mdash;and there's a beautiful fairy just come on, dressed
+    so grand, too!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy</i>. I can't see no fairy&mdash;nor yet no
+    himps&mdash;no nothen! [<i>He whimpers</i>.</p>
+
+    <p><i>His Mother</i> (<i>annoyed</i>). Was there ever such a
+    aggravating boy to take anywheres! Set quiet, do, and don't
+    fidget, and look at the hactin'!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy</i>. I tell yer I can't <i>see</i> no hactin',
+    Mother. It ain't my fault&mdash;it's this lady in front o' me,
+    with the 'at.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Mother</i> (<i>perceiving the justice of his
+    complaints</i>). Father, the pore boy says he can't see where
+    he is, 'cause of a lady's hat in front.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Father.</i> Well, <i>I</i> can't 'elp the 'at, can I? He
+    must put up with it, that's all!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Mother.</i> No&mdash;but I thought, if you wouldn't mind
+    changing places with him&mdash;you're taller than him, and it
+    wouldn't be in your way 'arf so much.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Father.</i> It's always the way with you&mdash;never
+    satisfied, <i>you</i> ain't! Well, pass the boy
+    across&mdash;I'm for a quiet life, I am. (<i>Changing
+    seats.</i>) Will <i>this</i> do for you?</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>He settles down immediately behind a very large, and
+        furry, and feathery hat, which he dodges for some time,
+        with the result of obtaining an occasional glimpse of a
+        pair of legs on the stage.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>Father</i> (<i>suddenly</i>). D&mdash;&mdash; the
+    'at!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Mother.</i> You can't wonder at the <i>boy</i> not
+    seeing! P'raps the lady wouldn't might taking it off, if you
+    asked her?</p>
+
+    <p><i>Father.</i> Ah! (<i>He touches</i> The Owner of the Hat
+    <i>on the shoulder.</i>) Excuse me, Mum, but might I take the
+    liberty of asking you to kindly remove your 'at? [The Owner of
+    the Hat <i>deigns no reply.</i></p>
+
+    <p><i>Father</i> (<i>more insistently</i>). <i>Would</i> you
+    'ave any objection to oblige me by taking off your 'at, Mum?
+    (<i>Same result.</i>) I don't know if you <i>'eard</i> me, Mum,
+    but I've asked you twice, civil enough, to take that 'at of
+    yours off. I'm a playin' 'Ide and Seek be'ind it 'ere!</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>No answer.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>The Mother.</i> People didn't ought to be allowed in the
+    Pit with sech 'ats! Callin' 'erself a lady&mdash;and settin'
+    there in a great 'at and feathers like a 'Ighlander's, and
+    never answering no more nor a stuffed himage!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Father</i> (<i>to the Husband of The Owner of the
+    Hat</i>). Will you tell your good lady to take her 'at off,
+    Sir, please?</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Owner of the Hat</i> (<i>to her Husband</i>). Don't
+    you do nothing of the sort, SAM, or you'll <i>'ear</i> of
+    it!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Mother.</i> Some people are perlite, I must say.
+    Parties might <i>beyave</i> as ladies when they come in the
+    Pit! It's a pity her 'usband can't teach her better
+    manners!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Father.</i> <i>'Im</i> teach her! 'E knows better.
+    'E's got a Tartar there, <i>'e</i> 'as!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Owner of the Hat.</i> SAM, are you going to set by
+    and hear me insulted like this?</p>
+
+    <p><i>Her Husband</i> (<i>turning round tremulously</i>).
+    I&mdash;I'll trouble you to drop making these personal
+    allusions to my wife's 'at, Sir. It's puffickly impossible to
+    listen to what's going on on the stage, with all these remarks
+    be'ind!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Father.</i> Not more nor it is to <i>see</i> what's
+    going on on the stage with that 'at in front! I paid
+    'arf-a-crown to see the Pantermime, I did; not to 'ave a view
+    of your wife's 'at!... 'Ere, MARIA, blowed if I can stand this
+    'ere game any longer. JIMMY must change places again, and if he
+    can't see, he must stand up on the seat, that's all!</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[JIMMY <i>is transferred to his original place, and
+        mounts upon the seat.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>A Pittite behind Jimmy</i> (<i>touching up</i> JIMMY's
+    Father <i>with an umbrella</i>). Will you tell your little boy
+    to set down, please, and not block the view like this?</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy's Father</i>. If you can indooce that lady in front
+    to take off her 'at, I will&mdash;but not before. Stay where
+    you are, JIMMY, my boy.</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Pittite behind.</i> Well, I must stand myself then,
+    that's all. I mean to see, <i>somehow</i>! [<i>He
+    rises.</i></p>
+
+    <p><i>People behind him</i> (<i>sternly</i>). Set down there,
+    will yer?</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>He resumes his seat expostulating.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy</i>. Father, the gentleman behind is a pinching of
+    my legs!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy's Father.</i> Will you stop pinching my little
+    boy's legs! He ain't doing you no 'arm&mdash;is he?</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Pinching Pittite</i>. Let him sit down, then!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy's Father.</i> Let the lady take her 'at off!</p>
+
+    <p><i>Murmurs behind.</i> Order, there! Set down! Put that boy
+    down! Take orf that 'at! Silence in front, there! Turn 'em out!
+    Shame!... &amp;c., &amp;c.</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Husband of the O. of the H.</i> (<i>in a whisper to
+    his Wife</i>). Take off the blessed 'at, and have done with it,
+    do!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The O. of the H.</i> What&mdash;<i>now</i>? I'd sooner
+    <i>die</i> in the 'at!</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>An</i> Attendant <i>is called.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>The Attendant.</i> Order, there, Gentlemen,
+    please&mdash;unless you want to get turned out! No standing
+    allowed on the seats&mdash;you're disturbing the performance
+    'ere, you know!</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[JIMMY <i>is made to sit down, and weeps silently; the
+        hubbub gradually subsides&mdash;and</i> The Owner of the
+        Hat <i>triumphs&mdash;for the moment.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>Jimmy's Mother.</i> Never mind, my boy, you shall have
+    Mother's seat in a minute. I dessay, if all was known, the lady
+    'as reasons for keeping her 'at on, pore thing!</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Father.</i> Ah, I never thought o' that. So she may.
+    Very likely her 'at won't <i>come</i> off&mdash;not without her
+    <i>'air!</i></p>
+
+    <p><i>The Mother.</i> Ah, well, we musn't be 'ard on her, if
+    that's so.</p>
+
+    <p><i>The O. of the H.</i> (<i>removing the obstruction</i>). I
+    'ope you're satisfied <i>now</i>, I'm sure?</p>
+
+    <p><i>The Father</i> (<i>handsomely</i>). Better late nor
+    never, Mum, and we take it kind of you. Though, why you
+    shouldn't ha' done it at fust, I dunno; for you look a deal
+    'ansomer without the 'at than, what you did in
+    it&mdash;<i>don't</i> she, MARIA?</p>
+
+    <p><i>The O. of the H.</i> (<i>mollified</i>). SAM, ask the
+    gentleman behind if his boy would like a ginger-nut.</p>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>This olive-branch is accepted; compliments pass;
+        cordiality is restored, and the Pantomime proceeds without
+        further disturbance.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>SOMETHING LIKE A SUBSCRIPTION!</h2>
+
+    <h4>(<i>A Page from the Book of Philanthropy.</i>)</h4>
+
+    <p>The Committee waited impatiently the arrival of the Great
+    and Good Man. It was their duty to obtain a donation&mdash;an
+    ample one&mdash;from the Millionnaire whose charity was
+    renowned far and wide, from one end of the world to the other.
+    At length he appeared before them.</p>
+
+    <div class="figright"
+         style="width:22%;">
+        <a href="images/49-2.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/49-2.png"
+             alt="" /></a>
+    </div>
+
+    <p>"What can I do for you?" he asked, with a smile that
+    absolutely shone with benevolence.</p>
+
+    <p>"You know, Sir, that the claims of the poor in the Winter
+    are numerous, and difficult to meet?"</p>
+
+    <p>"Certainly I do," returned the Man of Wealth, "and hope that
+    you are about to ask me for a subscription."</p>
+
+    <p>"Indeed we were," cried the spokesman of the Committee, his
+    eyes filling with grateful tears. "May I put you down for five
+    pounds?"</p>
+
+    <p>"Five pounds!" echoed the Millionnaire, impatiently, "What
+    is five pounds?&mdash;<i>five thousand</i> is much more like
+    the figure! Now, I will give you five thousand pounds on one
+    condition."</p>
+
+    <p>"Name it!" cried the Deputation in a breath.</p>
+
+    <p>"The simplest thing in the world," continued the
+    Millionnaire. "I will give you five thousand pounds on the
+    condition that you get ninety-nine other fellows to do the
+    same. Nay, you shall thank me when all is collected. I can wait
+    till then."</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>The above words were spoken more than thirty years ago.
+    Since then the Deputation have been waiting for the other
+    fellows&mdash;and so has the Millionnaire!</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>Professor v. Professor.</h3>
+
+    <p>PROFESSOR VIRCHOW seems by no means Koch-sure about the
+    <i>tuberculosis</i> remedy. Indeed Professor KOCH finds that
+    there is not only "much virtue in an 'if,'" but much "if" in a
+    VIRCHOW! He is inclined to sing with SWINBURNE:&mdash;</p>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Come down, and redeem us from VIRCHOW."</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page50"
+       id="page50"></a>[pg 50]</span>
+
+    <h2>THE FRIEND OF IRELAND AND THE WORDY KNIFE-GRINDER.</h2>
+
+    <h4>(<i>Imitation Sapphics some way after Canning and
+    Frere.</i>)</h4>
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:100%;">
+        <a href="images/50.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/50.png"
+             alt="Wordy Knife-Grinder." /></a><i>Wordy
+             Knife-Grinder</i>. "STORY! GOD BLESS YOU! I HAVE NONE
+             TO TELL, SIR!"
+    </div>
+
+    <p><i>Friend of Ireland</i>:&mdash;</p>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Wordy Knife-Grinder! Whither are you going?</p>
+
+            <p>Dark is your way&mdash;your wheel looks out of
+            order&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Mitchelstown palls, and there seems no more spell
+            in</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">O'BRIEN's breeches!</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Wordy Knife-Grinder, little think the proud
+            ones,</p>
+
+            <p>Who in their speeches prate about their Union-</p>
+
+            <p>Ism, what hard work 'tis to keep a Party</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Tightly together!</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Tell me, Knife-Grinder, what <i>your</i> little
+            game is.</p>
+
+            <p>Do you mean playing straight with me and others?</p>
+
+            <p>Or would you jocky Erin like a confounded</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Saxon attorney?</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Give us a glimpse of that same Memorandum!</p>
+
+            <p>Pledge yourself clear to what needs no
+            explaining!</p>
+
+            <p>Prove that your plan is not quite a sham,
+            sly-whittled</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Down into
+            nullity!</p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page51"
+               id="page51"></a>[pg 51]</span>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Ere I depart (if go I must, TIM HEALY)</p>
+
+            <p>Give me a pledge that I'm not sold for nothing.</p>
+
+            <p>Tell us in plain round words, without evasion,
+            the</p>
+
+            <p class="i10"><i>True</i> Hawarden story."</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p><i>Knife-Grinder</i>.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Story! God bless yer! I have none to tell, Sir!</p>
+
+            <p><i>Never</i> tell stories, I; 'tis my sole
+            business</p>
+
+            <p>This Wheel to turn with treadle and cry, 'Knives
+            and</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Scissors to grind O!'</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"Constabulary? Question of Land Purchase?</p>
+
+            <p>Number of Irish Members due in justice?</p>
+
+            <p>Never said aught about 'em; don't intend
+            to&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Not for the present.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"I shall be glad to do what honour urgeth;</p>
+
+            <p>Grind on alone, if you will give me
+            <i>carte-blanche</i>,</p>
+
+            <p>Make room for JUSTIN, and forbear to meddle</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">With politics, Sir!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p><i>Friend of Ireland</i>.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>"<i>I</i> give thee <i>carte-blanche?</i> I will see
+            thee blowed first&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Fraud! whom no frank appeal can move to
+            frankness&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Sophist, evasive, garrulous, word-web-spinning</p>
+
+            <p class="i10">Subtle Old Spider!!!"</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+
+    <p>[<i>Kicks the Knife-Grinder, overturns his Wheel, and exit
+    in a fury of patriotic enthusiasm and forcible
+    language.</i></p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>CAPITAL AND LABOUR FORECAST;</h2>
+
+    <h4><i>Or, Six of One and Half-a-Dozen of the Other.</i></h4>
+
+    <p>Though in some quarters a better feeling was reported to
+    have prevailed, still, according to latest accounts, the
+    outlook can scarcely be regarded as satisfactory. A meeting of
+    the Amalgamated Engineering Tram-Drivers' Mutual
+    Stand-Shoulder-to-Shoulder Strangulation Society was held on
+    Glasgow Green yesterday afternoon, at which, amid a good deal
+    of boisterous interruption, several delegates addressed the
+    assembled audience and recounted their recent experiences up to
+    date. There were still 1700 of the Company's old hands out of
+    work, and though, thanks to the profound enthusiasm, "their
+    just cause" had excited amidst the Trade Societies in the
+    South, by which, owing to subscriptions from no less important
+    bodies than the Bootmakers' Benevolent Grandmothers'
+    Association, and Superannuated Undertakers' Orphan Society,
+    they had been able to stay out and defy the Company, receiving
+    all the while, every man of them, a stipend of 3<i>s.</i>
+    9<i>d.</i> a-week, still they had almost come to the end of
+    their resources, and all that they had in hand towards next
+    week's fund for distribution, was £1 13<i>s.</i>
+    7-1/2<i>d.</i>, received in coppers from the Deputy-Chairman of
+    the Metropolitan Boys' Boot-blacking Brigade, accompanied with
+    an intimation that that help must be regarded as the last that
+    can be counted on from that quarter. Under these circumstances
+    it became a question whether it was not almost time to consider
+    some terms of compromise.</p>
+
+    <p>In the above sense one of the speakers addressed the
+    meeting, but he was speedily followed by another, who insisted
+    that, "come what might," they would stick to their latest
+    terms, which were, a three-hours' day&mdash;(<i>loud
+    cheers</i>)&mdash;and time-and-three-quarters for any work
+    expected after three o'clock in the afternoon. (<i>Prolonged
+    cheering</i>.)</p>
+
+    <p>A Delegate here rose, and said it was all very well their
+    cheering, but could they get it? (<i>A Voice, "We'll try!"</i>)
+    For his part, the speaker continued, he had had enough of
+    trying. With wife and children starving at home, he had only
+    one course open to him, and that was, to knock under to the
+    Company and their ten-hours' day, if they would have him.
+    (<i>Groans, amid which the Speaker had his hat knocked over his
+    eyes, and was kicked out of the assembly</i>.)</p>
+
+    <p>The discussion was then continued, much in the same vein,
+    and eventually culminated in a free fight, in which the
+    Chairman got his head broken, on declaring that a Motion
+    further limiting the working day to two hours and a half, was
+    lost by a narrow majority.</p>
+
+    <p>Yesterday afternoon the Directors' Mutual Anti-Labour
+    Protection Company met at their Central Offices for the
+    despatch of their usual business. The ordinary Report was read,
+    which announced that though the affairs of three great Railway
+    Companies had "gone" literally "to the dogs," still, the
+    Directors of each had to be congratulated on showing a firm
+    front, in refusing to acknowledge even the existence of their
+    <i>employés</i>. The usual congratulatory Motions were put,
+    <i>pro formâ</i>, and passed, and, amid a general manifestation
+    of gloomy satisfaction, the meeting was further adjourned.</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>"A Salvage Man."</h3>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Rudyard Kipling has hit on a picturesque plan;</p>
+
+            <p>He describes in strong language "the savage in
+            Man."</p>
+
+            <p>Whilst amongst the conventions he raids and he
+            ravages.</p>
+
+            <p>We'd like just a leetle more "Man" in his
+            savages.</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:50%;">
+        <a href="images/51.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/51.png"
+             alt="IN SELF-DEFENCE." /></a>
+
+        <h3>IN SELF-DEFENCE.</h3>
+
+        <p><i>Jones</i> (<i>who has just told his best Story, and
+        been rewarded with a gentle smile</i>). "UPON MY WORD,
+        WOMEN HAVEN'T GOT THE REAL SENSE OF HUMOUR! WHY, WHEN I
+        HEARD THAT STORY FOR THE FIRST TIME, ONLY LAST WEEK, I
+        SIMPLY ROARED!"</p>
+
+        <p><i>Miss Smith</i>. "SO DID I&mdash;ONLY IT WAS LAST
+        YEAR!"</p>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>FROM OUR MUSICAL BOX.</h2>
+
+    <p>We sent our Musical Box (Cox being unable to accompany him
+    on the piano or any other instrument, by reason of the severe
+    weather) to hear STAVENHAGEN at St. James's Hall, Thursday
+    last, the 22nd. Our Musical B. was nearly turned out of the
+    hall, he was in such ecstasies of delight over a Beethovenly
+    <i>concerto</i>, which "bangs Banagher," he said, subsequently
+    translating the expression by explaining, "that is, beats
+    BEETHOVEN." Our M.B. wept over a <i>cadenza</i> composed by the
+    performer, and was only restored by the appearance&mdash;her
+    first&mdash;of Madame STAVENHAGEN, who gave somebody's grand
+    <i>scena</i> far better, probably, than that somebody could
+    have given it himself, set as it was to fine descriptive music
+    by the clever STAVENHAGEN, which delighted all hearers,
+    especially those who were Liszt-eners. "Altogether," writes our
+    Musical Box, "a very big success. Music is thirsty work. I am
+    now about to do a symphony in B. and S."</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>VICE VERSÂ.</h3>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>A poet in the <i>Forum</i> asks the question,</p>
+
+            <p>"Is Verse in Danger?" 'Tis a wild suggestion!</p>
+
+            <p>Is Verse in Danger? Nay, <i>that</i>'s not the
+            curse;</p>
+
+            <p>Danger (of utter boredom) is in Verse!</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>"ODD MAN OUT."&mdash;On Saturday last, the last among the
+    theatrical advertisements in the <i>Daily Telegraph</i> was the
+    mysterious one, "MR. CHARLES SUGDEN AT LIBERTY," and then
+    followed his address. "At Liberty!" What does it mean? Has he
+    been&mdash;it is a little difficult to choose the right word,
+    but let us say immured&mdash;has he been immured in some
+    cell?&mdash;for it does sound like a "sell" of another
+    sort&mdash;and has he at last effected a sensational escape? No
+    doubt CHARLES, our friend, will be able to offer the public a
+    satisfactory explanation when he re-appears on the Stage which
+    suffers from his absence.</p>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page52"
+       id="page52"></a>[pg 52]</span>
+
+    <h2>PLAYING OLD GOOSEBERRY AT THE HAYMARKET;</h2>
+
+    <h4><i>Or, The Dook, the Dancing Girl, and the Little Lame
+    Duck.</i></h4>
+
+    <p>What is to be admired in ENERY HAUTHOR JONES is not so much
+    his work but his pluck,&mdash;for has he not, in the first
+    place, overcome the prudery of the Lord Chamberlain's Licensing
+    Department, and, in the second place, has he not introduced on
+    the boards of the Haymarket a good old-fashioned Melodrama,
+    brought "up to date," and disguised in a Comedy wrapper? Walk
+    in, Ladies and Gentlemen, and see <i>The Dancing Girl</i>, a
+    Comedy-Drama shall we call it, or, generically, a Play? wherein
+    the prominent figures are a wicked Duke,&mdash;<i>vice</i> the
+    "wicked Baronet," now shelved, as nothing under the ducal rank
+    will suit us nowadays, bless you!&mdash;a Provincial Puritan
+    family, an honest bumpkin lover, a devil of a dancing woman who
+    lives a double-shuffling sort of life, an angel of a lame
+    girl,&mdash;who, of course, can't cut capers but goes in for
+    coronets,&mdash;a sly, unprincipled, and calculating kind of
+    angel she is too, but an audience that loves Melodrama is above
+    indulging in uncharitable analysis of motive,&mdash;a town
+    swell in the country, a more or less unscrupulous land-agent,
+    and a genuine, honest "heavy father," of the ancient type, with
+    a good old-fashioned melodramatic father's curse ready at the
+    right moment, the last relic of a bygone period of the
+    transpontine Melodrama, which will bring tears to the eyes of
+    many an elderly playgoer on hearing the old familiar formula,
+    in the old familiar situation, reproduced on the stage of the
+    modern Haymarket as if through the medium of a phonophone.</p>
+
+    <div class="figright"
+         style="width:50%;">
+        <a href="images/52-1.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/52-1.png"
+             alt="FINAL TABLEAU, ACT I." /></a>
+
+        <h4>FINAL TABLEAU, ACT I.</h4>"O does not a Meeting (House)
+        like this make amends?"<br />
+         <i>Ham Christison</i> (<i>Clown</i>). "Ullo! Oh my! I'm a
+        looking at yer!"
+    </div>
+
+    <p>At all events, <i>Drusilla Ives, alias</i> "the Dancing Girl
+    "&mdash;though as to where she dances, how she dances, and when
+    she dances, we are left pretty well in the dark, as she only
+    gives so slight a taste of her quality that it seemed like a
+    very amateurish imitation of Miss KATE VAUGHAN in her best
+    day,&mdash;<i>Drusilla Ives</i> is the mistress, neither pure
+    nor simple, of the <i>Duke of Guisebury</i>,&mdash;a title
+    which is evidently artfully intended by the, at present, "Only
+    JONES" to be a compound of the French "Guise" and the English
+    "Bury,"&mdash;who from his way of going on and playing old
+    gooseberry with his property, might have been thus styled with
+    advantage: and so henceforth let us think and speak of him as
+    His Grace or His Disgrace the Duke of Gooseberry.</p>
+
+    <p>This Duke of Gooseberry visits, "quite
+    unbeknown,"&mdash;being, for this occasion only, the Duke of
+    Disguisebury,&mdash;his own property, the Island of St.
+    Endellion, just to see, we suppose, what sort of people the
+    Quaker family may be from which his mistress, the Dancing
+    Quakeress (and how funny she used to be at the Music Halls and
+    at the Gaiety!), has sprung. For some reason or other, the
+    Dancing Quakeress has gone to stay a few weeks with her family
+    in the country, and while this hypocritical Daughter of
+    HERODIAS is with her Quaker belongings at prayers in the
+    Meeting House, the spirit moveth her to come out, and to come
+    out uncommonly strong, as, within a yard or so of the building,
+    she laughs and talks loudly with Gooseberry, and then in a
+    light-hearted way she treats the Dook to some amateur
+    imitations of ELLEN TERRY, finishing up with a reminiscence of
+    KATE VAUGHAN; all of which <i>al fresco</i> entertainment is
+    given for the benefit of the aforesaid Gooseberry within sound
+    of the sermon and within sight of the Meeting House windows.
+    Suddenly her rustic Quaker lover, a kind of <i>Ham
+    Peggotty</i>, lounges out of the Conventicle, which, as these
+    persons seem to leave and enter just when it suits them, ought
+    rather to be called a Chapel-of-Ease,&mdash;and, like the clown
+    that he is, says in effect, "I'm a-looking at yer! I've caught
+    yer at it!" Dismay of Dook and Dancer!! then Curtain on a most
+    emphatically effective situation.</p>
+
+    <div class="figleft"
+         style="width:45%;">
+        <a href="images/52-2.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/52-2.png"
+             alt="Regular Dawgs." /></a>Two "Regular Dawgs" having
+             a <i>tête-à-tête.</i>
+    </div>
+
+    <p>The Second Act is far away the best of the lot, damaged,
+    however, by vain repetitions of words and actions. To the house
+    where Miss Dancing Girl is openly living under the protection
+    of Gooseberry, the Duke's worthy Steward actually brings his
+    virtuous and ingenuous young daughter! If ever there were a
+    pair of artful, contriving, scheming humbugs, it is this worthy
+    couple. Because the Duke saved her from being run over by his
+    own horses, therefore she considers herself at liberty to limp
+    after him, and round him, and about him, on every possible
+    occasion, to say sharp, priggish things to him, to make love to
+    him, and in the Third Act so craftily to manage as to spot him
+    just as he is about to drink off a phial of poison, which
+    operation, being preceded by a soliloquy of strong theatrical
+    flavour and considerable length, gives the lame girl a fair
+    chance of hobbling down the stairs and arresting the thus
+    "spotted Nobleman's" arm at the critical moment. Curtain, and a
+    really fine dramatic situation. "Which nobody can deny."</p>
+
+    <div class="figright"
+         style="width:35%;">
+        <a href="images/52-3.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/52-3.png"
+             alt="Act III. Pantaloon David Peggotty Gladstone Ives." />
+             </a>
+
+        <h4>Act III.</h4>Pantaloon David Peggotty Gladstone Ives.
+    </div>
+
+    <p>It is in this same Third Act that the fine old crusted
+    melodramatic curse is uncorked, and a good imperial quart of
+    wrath is poured out on his dancing daughter's head by the heavy
+    father, who, in his country suit, forces his way into the
+    gilded halls of the Duke's mansion, past the flunkeys, the head
+    butler, and all the rest of the usual pampered menials. An
+    audience that can accept this old-fashioned cheap-novel kind of
+    clap-trap, and witness, without surprise, the marvellous
+    departure of all the guests, supperless, for no assigned cause,
+    or explicable reason, not even an alarm of fire having been
+    given, will swallow a considerable amount.</p>
+
+    <div class="figleft"
+         style="width:50%;">
+        <a href="images/53.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/53.png"
+             alt="FINAL TABLEAU." /></a>
+
+        <h4>FINAL TABLEAU.</h4>Triumph of the Artful Agent and his
+        lame Duck of a Daughter, Sybil Slyboots, <i>alias</i> Becky
+        Sharp, afterwards the Merry Duchess of Gooseberry.
+    </div>
+
+    <p>The Fourth Act is an anticlimax, and shows up the faulty
+    construction of the drama. Of course the news comes that the
+    Dancing Girl is dead, and this information is brought by a
+    Sainte Nitouche of a "Sister" of some Theatrical Order (not
+    admitted after half-past seven), whose very appearance is a
+    <i>suggestio falsi</i>. Equally, of course, a letter is found,
+    which, as exculpating Gooseberry, induces the old cuss of a
+    Puritan father to shake hands with the converted "Spotted
+    Nobleman"; but, be it remembered, the Dook is still his
+    landlord, and the value of the property is going up
+    considerably. Then it appears that the old humbug of an agent
+    has sagaciously speculated in the improvement of the island,
+    and poor Gooseberry feels under such an obligation to that sly
+    puss of an agent's daughter, that, in a melancholy sort of way,
+    he offers her his hand, which she, the artful little hussy of a
+    <i>Becky Sharp</i>, with considerable affectation of coyness,
+    accepts, and down goes the Curtain upon as unsatisfactory and
+    commonplace a termination to a good Melodrama as any
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page53"
+       id="page53"></a>[pg 53]</span> Philistine of the Philistines
+       could possibly wish. It would have been a human tragedy
+       indeed had poor Gooseberry poisoned himself, and the girl
+       whose life he had saved had arrived just too late, only to
+       die of a broken heart. But that "is quite another
+       story."</p>
+
+    <p>The piece is well played all round, especially by the men.
+    Mr. TREE is excellent, except in the ultra-melodramatic parts,
+    where he is too noisy. The very best thing he does is the
+    perfect finish of the Second Act, when, without a word, he sits
+    in the chair before the fire lost in dismal thought. This is
+    admirable: as perfect in its dramatic force as it is true to
+    nature. It is without exception the best thing in the whole
+    piece. Mr. F. KERR as <i>Reginald Slingsby</i>, achieves a
+    success unequalled since Mr. BANCROFT played the <i>parvenu</i>
+    swell <i>Hawtree</i>. It should be borne in mind that Mr. KERR
+    only recently played admirably the poor stuttering shabby lover
+    in <i>The Struggle for Life. Il ira loin, ce bon</i> M. KERR.
+    Miss JULIA NEILSON looks the part to the life: when she has
+    ceased to give occasional imitations of Miss ELLEN TERRY, and
+    can really play the part as well as she looks it, then nothing
+    more could be possibly desired. All the others as good as need
+    be, or can be.</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>THE BOGEY, MAN!</h2>
+
+    <h4>(<i>Retort of a Lady-Player who plays "for love.</i>")</h4>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>["No game was ever yet invented which held the female
+        mind in thrall save by indirect means. Where would croquet
+        have been, so far as the Ladies were concerned, without its
+        Curates, or lawn-tennis without its 'Greek gods' ... If men
+        played for nothing, they would find it dull
+        enough."&mdash;JAMES PAYN]</p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>'Tis mighty well for Menfolk at Womankind to
+            gibe,</p>
+
+            <p>And swear they do not care for games without some
+            lure or bribe,</p>
+
+            <p>But e'en in JAMES PAYN's armour there seems some
+            weakish joints;</p>
+
+            <p>He does not care for "glorious Whist" unless for
+            "sixpenny points!"</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! It charms the Bogey,
+            Man:</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll play it when
+            he can.</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">But "pointless Whist," as PAYN admits, is
+            not at all his plan;</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">You must have "money on" to please the
+            Bogey, Man!</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Now, Ladies like to play "for love," a fault male
+            hucksters blame,</p>
+
+            <p>But only sordid souls deny <i>that</i> is the true
+            "grand game."</p>
+
+            <p>Man's vulgarer ambition's not just to play well and
+            win;</p>
+
+            <p>His eye is ever on the stakes, his interest on the
+            "tin."</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! That blatant Bogey,
+            Man!</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll flout us when
+            he can.</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">"Indirect means" though, after all, are
+            portions of <i>his</i> plan;</p>
+
+            <p class="i4">For all his brag he loves the "swag," the
+            Bogey, Man!</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>Mum's the Word!</h3>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[Mr. CHAMBERLAIN presided lately at a Deaf-and-Dumb
+        Meeting.]</p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p class="i10">JOSEPH <i>reflecteth</i>:&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Deaf-mutes make the best audience, I see;</p>
+
+            <p class="i2"><i>They</i> gave me no rude flood of
+            gibes to stem.</p>
+
+            <p>True, they were deaf, and so could not hear
+            <i>me</i>,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">But they were dumb, so <i>I</i> could not
+            hear them!</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>MADAME ROLAND RE-EDITED (<i>from a sham-Japanese point of
+    view</i>).&mdash;O LIBERTY! what strange (decorative) things
+    are done in thy name!</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>JACK'S APPEAL.</h2>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>["It is impossible for warrant-officers in the Navy not
+        to see that they are placed at a disadvantage as compared
+        with non-commissioned officers in the Army, and it must be
+        very difficult to persuade them that the two cases are so
+        essentially different as to afford no real ground for
+        grievance."&mdash;<i>The "Times," on "An Earnest Appeal on
+        Behalf of the Rank and File of the Navy</i>."]</p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <p><i>Jack Tar to Tommy Atkins, loquitur</i>:&mdash;</p>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, penmen write pertikler
+            fine</p>
+
+            <p>Of the Wooden Walls of England, and likeways the
+            Thin Red Line;</p>
+
+            <p>But for those as form that Line, mate, or for those
+            as man them Walls,</p>
+
+            <p>Scribes don't seem so precious anxious to kick up
+            their lyric squalls.</p>
+
+            <p>Not a bit of it, my hearty; for one reason&mdash;it
+            don't pay;</p>
+
+            <p>There is small demand, my TOMMY, for a DIBDIN in our
+            day.</p>
+
+            <p>Oh, I know that arter dinner your M.P.'s can up and
+            quote</p>
+
+            <p>Tasty tit-bits from old CHARLEY, which they all reel
+            off by rote;</p>
+
+            <p>But if there <i>is</i> a cherub up aloft to watch
+            poor JACK,</p>
+
+            <p>That there cherub ain't a poet,&mdash;bards are on
+            another tack.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, BULL is sweet on "loyal
+            toasts,"</p>
+
+            <p>And he spends his millions freely on his squadrons
+            and his hosts,</p>
+
+            <p>But there isn't much on't, messmate, not so fur as
+            <i>I</i> can see,</p>
+
+            <p>Whether 'tis rant or rhino, that gets spent on you
+            and me.</p>
+
+            <p>Still the <i>Times</i> has took our case
+            up,&mdash;werry handsome o' the
+            <i>Times</i>!&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>I have heard it charged with prejudice, class-hate,
+            and similar crimes,</p>
+
+            <p>But it shows it's got fair sperret and a buzzum as
+            can feel</p>
+
+            <p>When it backs us with a "Leader" arter printing our
+            "Appeal."</p>
+
+            <p>You are better off, my TOMMY, than the Navy Rank and
+            File,</p>
+
+            <p>You <i>may</i> chance to get promotion,&mdash;arter
+            waiting a good while&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>But the tip-top of Tar luck's to be a Warrant
+            Officer;</p>
+
+            <p>We ain't like to get no further, if we even get
+            <i>as</i> fur.</p>
+
+            <p>'Tain't encouraging, my hearty. As for me, I'm old
+            and grey,</p>
+
+            <p>'Tis too late now for promotion if it chanced to
+            come <i>my</i> way;</p>
+
+            <p>And my knowledge, and my patter, and my
+            manners&mdash;well I guess</p>
+
+            <p>They mayn't be percisely fitted for a dandy
+            ward-room mess.</p>
+
+            <p>But the Navy of the Future, TOMMY ATKINS, is our
+            care,</p>
+
+            <p>We have gone through many changes, and for others
+            must prepare.</p>
+
+            <p>It will make the Navy popular, more prospect of
+            advance;</p>
+
+            <p>And what I say is, TOMMY,&mdash;<i>let the young uns
+            have a chance!</i></p>
+
+            <p>Some I know will cry "Impossible," and slate the
+            scheme like fun.</p>
+
+            <p>Most good things are "impossible," my
+            TOMMY,&mdash;<i>till they're done!</i></p>
+
+            <p>Quarter-decks won't fill from fokesels, not to any
+            great extent;</p>
+
+            <p>But, give good men a better chance! I guess that's
+            all that's meant.</p>
+
+            <p>As the <i>Times</i> says, werry sensible and
+            kind-like, preju<i>dice</i>,</p>
+
+            <p>Though strong at first, dies quickly, melts away
+            like thaw-struck ice;</p>
+
+            <p>If every brave French soldier, with a knapsack on
+            his back,</p>
+
+            <p><i>May</i> find a Marshal's baton at the bottom of
+            that pack,</p>
+
+            <p>Why should not a true British Tar, with pluck, and
+            luck, and wit,</p>
+
+            <p>Find at last a "Luff's" commission hidden somewheres
+            in his kit?</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>WAKING THEM UP.</h2>
+
+    <h4><i>Fly-leaf from an Energetic Kaiser's Diary.</i></h4>
+
+    <p>10 P.M.&mdash;Slip out of Opera and take somebody else's
+    overcoat from cloak-room when nobody is looking, jump into a
+    four-wheeler, and drive to station. Am recognised, and a
+    special train is called out. Give them the slip, and get into a
+    horse-box of third-class omnibus-train just about to start.</p>
+
+    <p>10.15 P.M. <i>to</i> 2.30 A.M.&mdash;Still in horse-box.</p>
+
+    <p>2.45 AM.&mdash;Stop at a big town. Hurry out. Stopped for
+    ticket. Throw off disguise of somebody else's overcoat, and
+    declare myself. Guard called out to escort me. When they are
+    looking the other way, hide under refreshment-counter, and get
+    out of station unobserved on all-fours. Am collared by a
+    policeman. Again have to declare myself. Give policeman twenty
+    marks, bind him to silence, and borrow his official cloak. Find
+    out Burgomaster's address. Hammer at his front door till I have
+    stirred up the whole household.</p>
+
+    <p>4 A.M. <i>to</i> 5 A.M.&mdash;Find out the Archbishop. Bang
+    at his front door till he puts his head out of window, and
+    wants to know "What on earth's the matter?" Hide round the
+    corner. Repeat same business, with more or less success, at the
+    residence of the Chief Justice, then at that of the Clerk of
+    the Peace, and at those of any other officials I can call to
+    mind, winding up by a regular good row at that of the General
+    in Command. Trumpeter comes out. Take bugle from him, and give
+    the call. General in Command rubs his eyes sleepily, and says
+    he'll be down presently.</p>
+
+    <p>5 A.M.&mdash;Hurry back to station. Catch early cattle-train
+    going back to Berlin. Jump on engine, and declare myself. Wire
+    approach down line, and tear away with the cattle, at seventy
+    miles an hour, getting back to Berlin just in time for
+    breakfast. Fancy I woke them up! Altogether, a very enjoyable
+    outing.</p>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page54"
+       id="page54"></a>[pg 54]</span>
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:100%;">
+        <a href="images/54.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/54.png"
+             alt="GENUINE ENTHUSIASM." /></a>
+
+        <h3>GENUINE ENTHUSIASM.</h3>(<i>A Thaw Picture.</i>)<br />
+         WHAT MATTER AN INCH OR TWO OF SURFACE-WATER, IF THE ICE BE
+        STILL SOUND UNDERNEATH!
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>"ROUGE ET NOIR!"</h2>
+
+    <h3>OR, JONATHAN'S PERPLEXING PROBLEM.</h3>
+
+    <h4>(<i>Some Way after Hosea Biglow's "Jonathan to
+    John."</i>)</h4>
+
+    <p><i>Jonathan (who has been reading the Articles on "The Negro
+    Question in the United States," in the English "Times")
+    loq</i>:&mdash;</p>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>It may be ez you're right, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">And both my hands <i>are</i> full;</p>
+
+            <p><i>You</i> know ez I can fight, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">(I've wiped out "Sitting Bull").</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">We see our fix," sez he.</p>
+
+            <p>"The 'Thunderer's' paw lays down the law,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Accordin' to J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">To square it's left to <i>me</i>!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Blood ain't so cool as ink, JOHN;</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Big words are easy wrote;</p>
+
+            <p>The "coons"&mdash;well, you don't think, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">I'll let 'em cut my throat.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Ghost-dance must stop," sez he.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"Suppose the 'braves' and black
+            ex-slaves</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Hed b'longed to ole J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Insted of unto me?"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Ten art'cles in your <i>Times</i>, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Hev giv me good advice.</p>
+
+            <p>I mind th' old Slavery crimes, JOHN.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">I don't need tellin' twice.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">I only guess," sez he,</p>
+
+            <p>"Seven million blacks on his folks' backs</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Would kind o' rile J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Ez much ez it riles me!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>The Red Man,&mdash;well, I s'pose, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">We'll hev to wipe <i>him</i> aout.</p>
+
+            <p>Sech pizonous trash ez those, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">The world kin do without.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Injuns must go," sez he.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"COOPER's Red Man won't fit our plan,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Though he once witched J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">As once he fetched e'en <i>me</i>!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>The Black Man! Ah, that's wuss, JOHN.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">The chaps wuz right, ay <i>joost</i>,</p>
+
+            <p>Who said the Slavery cuss, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Wud yet come home to roost.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">The problem set," sez he,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"By that derned Nig. is black and
+            big,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">And fairly puzzles me,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Ez it wud do J.B."</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Your <i>Times</i> would right our wrongs, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">&mdash;Always <i>wuz</i> sweet on
+            us!&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>But on dilemma's prongs, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">To fix me don't <i>you</i> fuss.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Though physic's good," sez he,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"It doesn't foller that he can
+            swaller</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Prescriptions signed J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Put up by you for me!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Thet swaggerin' black buck Nig., JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Is jest a grown-up kid;</p>
+
+            <p>Ez happy as a &mdash;&mdash; pig, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">When doin' wut he's bid.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">He's hateful when he's free.</p>
+
+            <p>Equal with <i>him</i>, that dark-skinn'd limb?</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">No; that will not suit <i>me</i>,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">More than it wud J.B.!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Emigrate the whole lot, JOHN?</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Well, that's a tallish task!</p>
+
+            <p>In Afric's centre hot, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Send 'em to breed and bask?</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2"><i>I</i>'d be right glad," sez he,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"But&mdash;<i>will they go?</i> 'Tain't
+            done, you know,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">As easy as J.B.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Wud settle it&mdash;for me!"</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p><i>Rouge</i>&mdash;there I see my way, JOHN.</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">But <i>Noir</i>&mdash;thet's hard to
+            front!</p>
+
+            <p>It wun't be no child's play, JOHN,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Seven million Nigs to shunt.</p>
+
+            <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">We've a hard row," sez he,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"To hoe just now, but thet, somehow,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">I fancy, friend J.B.,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Your <i>Times</i> may leave to
+            <i>me</i>!"</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[<i>Left considering it.</i></p>
+    </blockquote>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>WELCOME BACK!</h3>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[Mr. SANTLEY, who has been long absent in Australia,
+        reappeared at St. James's Hall on Jan. 19, and was received
+        with great enthusiasm.]</p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Back from your Australian trip!</p>
+
+            <p><i>Punch</i>, my CHARLES, your fist must grip.</p>
+
+            <p>You have lighted on a time</p>
+
+            <p>When we're all chill, choke, and grime.</p>
+
+            <p>'Twere no marvel, O great baritone,</p>
+
+            <p>Did you find your voice had nary tone.</p>
+
+            <p>But there's none like you can sing</p>
+
+            <p>"<i>To Anthea</i>," "<i>The Erl-King</i>."</p>
+
+            <p>SCHUBERT, GOUNOD, English HATTON,</p>
+
+            <p>Equally your Fine Art's pat on.</p>
+
+            <p><i>Punch</i> can never praise <i>you</i>
+            scantly.</p>
+
+            <p><i>À votre santé</i>, good CHARLES SANTLEY!</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page55"
+       id="page55"></a>[pg 55]</span>
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:100%;">
+        <a href="images/55.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/55.png"
+             alt="ROUGE ET NOIR!" /></a>
+
+        <h3>"ROUGE ET NOIR!"</h3>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page57"
+       id="page57"></a>[pg 57]</span>
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:50%;">
+        <a href="images/57.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/57.png"
+             alt="OUR SPORT AND ART EXHIBITION." /></a>
+
+        <h3>OUR SPORT AND ART EXHIBITION.</h3>"ON THE SCENT."
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>FOR <i>BETTER</i>&mdash;OR WORSE.</h2>
+
+    <blockquote>
+        <p>[At the Anti-Gambling Demonstration recently held in
+        Exeter Hall, Sir RICHARD WEBSTER, the Attorney-General,
+        said that it was supposed by many that it was impossible to
+        enjoy athletic pursuits without becoming interested in a
+        pecuniary sense. He should therefore like to add, not for
+        the purpose of holding himself up as an example, that,
+        during his entire interest in sports of all kinds, he had
+        never made a bet.]</p>
+    </blockquote>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Ah! these are days when Recklessness, bereft of
+            ready cash,</p>
+
+            <p>Will strive to remedy the void by speculative
+            splash;</p>
+
+            <p>It is a salutary sight for Bankruptcy and
+            Debt&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>His interest in manly sports, an interest
+            immense,</p>
+
+            <p>Was ne'er degraded to a mere "pecuniary sense;"</p>
+
+            <p>His boyhood's love of marbles leaves him nothing to
+            regret&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Next, when a youth, the cricket-bat he first began
+            to wield,</p>
+
+            <p>And "Heads or Tails?" re-echoed for the Innings
+            through the field.</p>
+
+            <p>He sternly scorned to toss the coin, howe'er his
+            friends might fret&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>And when, an Undergraduate, he swiftly skimmed his
+            mile,</p>
+
+            <p>And comrades staked with confidence on him their
+            little pile,</p>
+
+            <p>He'd beg them not on his account in gambling ways to
+            get&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>This good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>To play for money ruins whist: and seldom can his
+            Club</p>
+
+            <p>Persuade him to put counters (coins for Zulus!) on
+            the rub;</p>
+
+            <p>He <i>has</i> been known for lozenges to dabble with
+            piquet;</p>
+
+            <p>He wasn't Chief Attorney then, nor was it
+            <i>quite</i> a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>His wise profession's ornament, he looks on all such
+            games</p>
+
+            <p>Far otherwise than RUSSELL does, than LOCKWOOD,
+            HALL, or JAMES;</p>
+
+            <p>For pure platonic love of play he stands, unequalled
+            yet&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>St. Stephen's, too, thinks much of him; but ah! his
+            soul it pains</p>
+
+            <p>To know that Speculation o'er the lobby sometimes
+            reigns;</p>
+
+            <p>He's chided OLD MORALITY and RANDOLPH and the
+            set,</p>
+
+            <p>Beseeching them on bended knees to never make a
+            bet.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>We all are fond of him, in short, the Boxes with the
+            Gods;</p>
+
+            <p>That he's a first-rate fellow we would gladly lay
+            the odds.</p>
+
+            <p>But no!&mdash;himself would veto that. We must not
+            wound our pet</p>
+
+            <p>Precise Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h3>THE ARISTOTELIAN TREASURE-TROVE.</h3>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>All have heard of "a Manuscript found in a
+            Bottle,"</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">But here is a waif with romance yet more
+            fraught:</p>
+
+            <p>A newly-found treatise by old ARISTOTLE</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Is flotsam indeed from the Ocean of
+            Thought.</p>
+
+            <p>Oh, happy discoverer, lucky Museum!</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Not this time the foreigner scores off
+            JOHN BULL.</p>
+
+            <p>Teuton pundits would lift, for such luck, their
+            <i>Te Deum</i>!</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">No SHAPIRA, <i>Punch</i> hopes, such a
+            triumph to dull!</p>
+
+            <p>May it all turn out right! Further details won't
+            tire us.</p>
+
+            <p>We <i>may</i> get some straight-tips from that
+            Coptic papyrus!</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>ROBERT ON SKATIN'.</h2>
+
+    <p>Well, I begins to agree with them as says, and says it too
+    as if they ment it, that noboddy can reelly tell what is reel
+    grand injiyment till they trys it, and trys it farely, and
+    gives it a good chance. I remembers how I used to try and like
+    Crikkit, when I was much yunger than I am now, and stuck to it
+    in spite of several black eyes when I stood pint, and shouts
+    of, "Now then, Butter-Fingers!" when I stood leg, till a serten
+    werry fast Bowler sent me away from the wicket with two black
+    and blew legs, and then I guv it up. I guv up Foot Ball for
+    simler reesuns, and have never attemted not nothink in the
+    Hathlettick line ewer since, my sumwat rapid increase in size
+    and wait a hading me in that wise resolooshun.</p>
+
+    <p>But sumhow it appened, dooring the hawful whether we has all
+    bin a shivering threw for this long time, that I found my
+    atenshun direckted to the strange fack that, whilst amost
+    ewerybody was busily engaged in a cussin and swarin at the
+    bitter cold and the dirty slippery sno, ewerybody else seemed
+    to be injying of theirselves like wun-a-clock. Now it so
+    appened that when waiting one day upon the young swell I have
+    before spoken of, at the "Grand 'Otel," he was jined by another
+    swell, who told him what a glorius day's skating he had been
+    avin in Hide Park! and how he ment to go agen to-morrer, "if
+    the luvly frost wood but continue!"</p>
+
+    <p>So my cureosety was naterally egsited, and nex day off I gos
+    to Hide Park, and there I seed the xplanation of what had
+    serprised me so much. For there was hunderds and hunderds of
+    not only spectably drest Gents, but also of reel-looking Ladys,
+    a skatin away like fun, and a larfing away and injying
+    theirselves jest as if it had bin a nice Summer's day.
+    Presently I append to find myself a standing jest by a nice
+    respectabel looking man, with a nice, cumferal-looking chair,
+    and seweral pares of Skates; and presently he says to me, quite
+    permiscus-like, "They all seems to be a injying theirselves,
+    don't they, Sir?" which they most suttenly did; and then he
+    says to me, says he, "Do you skate, Sir?" to which my natral
+    pride made me reply, "Not much!" "Will you have a pair on.
+    Sir," says he, "jest for a trial?" "Is there any fear of a
+    axident?" says I. "Oh no. Sir," says he, "not if you follers my
+    hinstrucshuns." So I acshally sets myself down in his chair,
+    and lets him put me on a pair of Skates! The first differculty
+    was, how to get up, which I found as I coudn't manage at all
+    without his asistance; for, strange to say, both of my feet
+    insisted on going quite contrary ways. Howewer, by grarsping on
+    him quite tite round his waste, I at last manidged to go along
+    three or four slides, and then I returned to the chair, and sat
+    down again; and he was kind enuff to compliment me, and to say
+    that he thort I was a gitting on fust-rate, and, if I woud only
+    cum ewery day for about a week or so, he had no dowt but he
+    shood see me a skating a figger of hate like the best on
+    'em!</p>
+
+    <p>Hencouraged by his truthfool remarks, I at larst wentured to
+    let go of him and try a few slides by myself, and shood no dowt
+    have suckseeded hadmerably, but my bootifal stick to which I
+    was a trustin to elp me from falling, slided rite away from me
+    in a most unnatral manner, and down I came on my onerabel seat,
+    with such a smasher as seemed to shake all my foreteen stun
+    into a cocked-hat, to speak, hallegorically, and there I lay,
+    elpless and opeless, and wundring how on airth I shood ever get
+    up again. But my trusty frend and guide was soon at my side, as
+    the Poet says, but all his united force, with that of too boys
+    who came to his assistance, and larfed all the wile, as rude
+    boys will, coud not get me on my feet agen 'till my too skates
+    was taken off, and I agen found myself on <i>terror fermer</i>
+    on my friend's chair. It took me longer to recover myself than
+    I shood have thort posserbel, but at larst I was enabled to
+    crawl away, but not 'till my frend had supplied me with jest a
+    nice nip of brandy, which he said he kept andy in case of any
+    such surprisin axidents as had appened to me.</p>
+
+    <p>So what with paying for the use of the skates, and the use
+    of the Brandy, and the use of the too boys, and the use of a
+    handsum Cab to take me to the "Grand," that was rayther a deer
+    ten minutes skating, and as it was reelly and trewly my fust
+    attemt at that poplar and xciting passtime, I think I may
+    safely affirm&mdash;as I have alreddy done to my better
+    harf&mdash;whose langwidge, when I related my hadwentur, is
+    scarcely worth repeating, as it was most certenly not
+    complementary&mdash;that it shall be my larst. ROBERT.</p>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page58"
+       id="page58"></a>[pg 58]</span>
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:100%;">
+        <a href="images/58.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/58.png"
+             alt="REMINISCENCES OF SPORT IN THE SNOW." /></a>
+
+        <h3>REMINISCENCES OF SPORT IN THE SNOW.</h3>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+    <span class="pagenum"><a name="page59"
+       id="page59"></a>[pg 59]</span>
+
+    <h2>A FREEZING POINT.</h2>
+
+    <h4>(<i>By a Frozen-out Lover.</i>)</h4>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>They tell me thou art cold, my sweet&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">A fact that scarcely odd is.</p>
+
+            <p>Gales half so cruel never beat</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Against poor human bodies.</p>
+
+            <p>Cupid's attire is far too light</p>
+
+            <p>To weather Thirty Fahrenheit.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>How can a glow the soul entrance,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">When frostbite nips the finger,</p>
+
+            <p>And blushes quit the countenance</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">To nigh the nostril linger!</p>
+
+            <p>Warmth were a miracle, in sight</p>
+
+            <p>And grip of Thirty Fahrenheit.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Chill! chill to <i>me</i>, my Paradise!!</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">I'll not complain or curse on.</p>
+
+            <p>One cannot well be otherwise</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">To any mortal person.</p>
+
+            <p>Mere icebergs ambulant, we fight</p>
+
+            <p>Ferocious Thirty Fahrenheit.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Cold art thou? Not so cold as I&mdash;</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Nought living could be colder.</p>
+
+            <p>I'm far too cold to sob or sigh,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Still less in passion smoulder.</p>
+
+            <p>I'm turning fast to something quite</p>
+
+            <p>As numb as Thirty Fahrenheit.</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>INFORMATION REQUIRED.&mdash;"Sir, I see a Volume advertised
+    entitled, <i>Unspoken Sermons</i>. I should be glad to know
+    where these are preached, as that's the place for yours truly,
+    ONE WHO SNORES."</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>NEW BOOK OF IRISH LIFE.&mdash;<i>The Bedad's Sons</i>. By
+    the Author of the tale of Indian Life, <i>The Begum's
+    Daughters</i>.</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <div class="figcenter"
+         style="width:75%;">
+        <a href="images/59-1.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/59-1.png"
+             alt="THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY." /></a>
+
+        <h3>THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY.</h3>THESE GENTLEMEN ARE
+        EXPECTED TO BE IN A JUDICIAL FRAME OF MIND AFTER HANGING
+        ABOUT THE PRECINCTS OF THE COURT FOR SEVERAL DAYS, UNDER
+        PENALTY OF A HEAVY FINE, WHILE THEIR PRIVATE BUSINESS IN
+        THE CITY AND ELSEWHERE IS GOING TO THE DOGS. (WHY SHOULD
+        NOT HALF-PAY OFFICERS DO THE WORK, AND RELIEVE BUSY MEN?)
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.</h2>
+
+    <h4>EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.</h4>
+
+    <p><i>House of Commons, Thursday, January 22</i>.&mdash;Both
+    Houses met to-day after Christmas Recess. No QUEEN's Speech; no
+    moving and seconding of Address; no Royal Commission and
+    procession of SPEAKER to Lords. All seems strange, and spirits
+    generally a little depressed. Only ROBERT FOWLER rises superior
+    to circumstances of hour. Blustering about the Lobby "like
+    Boreas," says CAUSTON.</p>
+
+    <div class="figleft"
+         style="width:28%;">
+        <a href="images/59-2.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/59-2.png"
+             alt="King Yah! Yah!" /></a>King Yah! Yah!
+    </div>
+
+    <p>"Only not so rude," says HARRY LAWSON, jealous for the
+    reputation of Metropolitan Members, even though some sit on the
+    Benches opposite. With folded hands thrust behind coat-tails,
+    rollicking stride, thunderous voice, and blooming countenance,
+    Sir ROBERT positively pervades the Lobby. Personally receives
+    POPE HENNESSY; shakes hands with everybody; and finally halting
+    for a moment under the electric-lit archway leading into House,
+    presents interesting and attractive picture of the Glorified
+    Alderman.</p>
+
+    <p>Scotch Members take possession of Commons to-night. LORD
+    ADVOCATE brings in Bill, providing new machinery for private
+    legislation; the Scotch Members with one accord fall upon
+    proposal, and tear it to ribbons. Meanwhile other Members troop
+    off to Lords, where spectacle is provided which beats the
+    pantomimes into fits. Two new Peers to take their seats;
+    procession formed in back room outside; enters from below Bar.
+    First comes Black Rod, with nothing black about him; then
+    Garter King-at-Arms, a herculean personage, fully five feet
+    high, with a dangerous gleam in his eye, and the Royal Arms of
+    England quartered in scarlet and blue and gold on his manly
+    back. Behind, in red cloaks slashed with ermine, the new Baron
+    and his escort of two brother Peers. There being no room for
+    them to advance in due procession, they fall into single file,
+    make their way to the Woolsack, where sits that pink of
+    chivalry, that mould of fashion, that perfection of form, the
+    LORD HIGH CHANCELLOR.</p>
+
+    <p>New Peer drops on one knee, presents bundle of paper to LORD
+    CHANCELLOR. L.C., coyly turning his head on one side, gingerly
+    takes roll, hands it to Attendant. New Peer gets up; procession
+    bundles back to table; here Gentleman in wig and gown gabbles
+    something from long document. New Peer writes his name in a
+    book (probably promising subscription towards expenses of
+    performance.) Garter King-at-Arms getting to the front trots
+    off with comically short strides for so great a dignity; New
+    Peer and escort follow, Black Rod solemnly bringing up rear.
+    Garter King makes for Cross Benches by the door; passes along
+    one, the rest following, as if playing game of
+    Follow-my-leader. Garter King suddenly making off to the right,
+    walks up Gangway to row of empty Benches. Stops at the topmost
+    row but one, and passes along. New Peer wants to follow him.
+    Garter King prods him in chest with small stick, and tells him
+    to go on to the Bench above. This he does, with escort.
+    Meanwhile, Black Rod left out in the cold. Garter King motions
+    to three Peers to be seated; tells them to put on their
+    cocked-hats; counts ten; nods to them; they rise to feet,
+    uplift cocked-hats in direction of LORD CHANCELLOR on Woolsack.
+    He raises his in return of salute. Three Peers sit down again.
+    Garter King counts ten; nods; up they get again, salute LORD
+    CHANCELLOR; sit down once more.
+    "One&mdash;two&mdash;three&mdash;four&mdash;ten," Garter King
+    mumbles to himself. Once more they rise; salute LORD
+    CHANCELLOR; then Garter King leading the way, they march back
+    to Woolsack.</p>
+
+    <p>Garter King now introduces new Member to LORD CHANCELLOR.
+    L.C. starts as if he had never seen him before; then extends
+    right <span class="pagenum"><a name="page60"
+       id="page60"></a>[pg 60]</span> hand; New Peer shakes it,
+       procession reformed, walks out behind Bar. A few minutes
+       later, another comes in, all the business done over again.
+       Impressive, but a little monotonous, and as soon as possible
+       after its conclusion Noble Lords go home.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Business done</i>.&mdash;In Commons, Private Bill
+    Legislation Bill read a Second Time.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Friday</i>.&mdash;WM. O'BRIEN, standing with tear-stained
+    face on pier at Boulogne waving wet handkerchief across the
+    main, has drawn away JUSTIN McCARTHY, who can't be back till
+    Monday. PARNELL was to have come down to-day, and, making
+    believe to be still Leader of United Irishmen, asked OLD
+    MORALITY to set aside day for discussion of his Motion on
+    operation of Crimes Act. BRER FOX accordingly looked in shortly
+    after SPEAKER took the Chair.</p>
+
+    <div class="figleft"
+         style="width:22%;">
+        <a href="images/60-1.png"><img width="100%"
+             src="images/60-1.png"
+             alt="Dr. Channing in the Pulpit." /></a>Dr. Channing
+             in the Pulpit.
+    </div>
+
+    <p>"Seen BRER RABBIT anywhere about, TOBY?" he asked.</p>
+
+    <p>So I up and told him about McCARTHY's new journey to
+    Boulogne.</p>
+
+    <p>"Oh, indeed," said BRER FOX; "if that's the case, I think I
+    won't trouble House to-night. Got an engagement elsewhere;
+    think I'll go and keep it. Not used to hanging about here, as
+    you know; awful bore to me; but as long as BRER RABBIT comes
+    here, I must be on spot to vindicate my position. So I'll say
+    ta-ta. No&mdash;never mind ringing for fire-escape; can walk
+    down the steps to-day."</p>
+
+    <p>Thus there being no Irish Leader on the premises, and hardly
+    any Irish Members, had a rare chance for attending to British
+    business. CHANNING brought on question of working Overtime on
+    the Railways; moved Resolution invoking interference of Board
+    of Trade. Question a little awkward for Government. Couldn't
+    afford to offend Railway Directors, yet wouldn't do to flout
+    numerous body of working-men, chiefly voters. Proposed to
+    shelve business by appointment of Select Committee. Opposition
+    not going to let them off so easily. Debate kept up all night,
+    winding up with critical Division; Government majority only
+    17.</p>
+
+    <p>"And this," said OLD MORALITY, with injured look, "after
+    PLUNKET's brilliant oration on the time-tables of the London
+    and North-Western Railway Company! If he'd only illustrated it
+    with magic-lantern, things would have gone differently." But he
+    was obstinate; said there would be difficulty in arranging the
+    slides, and so rejected proposal.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Business done</i>.&mdash;CHANNING's Resolution about
+    Overtime on Railways negatived by 141 Votes against 124.</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>HOMAGE TO SIR JAMES HANNEN.</h2>
+
+    <p>Sir,&mdash;As the recognised organ of the legal profession,
+    will you permit me to address you? It is common knowledge that
+    within the last few days the Right Honourable Sir JAMES HANNEN
+    has been raised to a dignity greater than that he has been able
+    to claim for the last eighteen years, when he has sat as
+    President of the Probate, Divorce, and Admiralty Division of
+    the High Court of Justice. On leaving the Court in which so
+    many of us were known to him, he was kind enough to say, "Those
+    eighteen years had been eighteen years of happiness to him,
+    chiefly arising from the advantage he had had in having before
+    him habitually practising in that Court Barristers who had felt
+    that their part was just as important as his in the
+    administration of Justice, and who had assisted him enormously.
+    Without their assistance, his task would have been an arduous
+    one, whereas it had been, as he had said, an agreeable one." As
+    I personally have had the honour of appearing before his
+    Lordship for many years, I think that it is only right that I
+    should make some acknowledgment of this kind recognition of my
+    services.</p>
+
+    <p>It is quite true that I have felt, as Sir JAMES HANNEN
+    suggests, that my part (humble as it may have been) has been
+    just as important as his in the administration of Justice. But
+    it is gratifying to me beyond measure to learn that my
+    invariable custom of bowing to his Lordship on the commencement
+    and conclusion of each day's forensic duties&mdash;which has
+    been the limit of my "habitual practice" in the Probate
+    Division&mdash;should "have assisted him enormously." I can
+    only say that, thanks to his unvarying kindness and courtesy,
+    my daily recognition of his greetings from the Bench, instead
+    of being an arduous task, has ever been an agreeable one. I
+    have the honour to remain, Sir, your very obedient servant,</p>
+
+    <p>(<i>Signed</i>)</p>
+
+    <p>A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR.</p>
+
+    <p><i>Pump-Handle Court, January 24, 1891.</i></p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>"PRO-DIGIOUS!"&mdash;In last Sunday's <i>Observer</i> we
+    read that at St. Petersburg Madame MELBA, as <i>Juliette, "was
+    recalled thirty-one times before the proscenium.</i>" The
+    italics are ours, rather! If this sort of thing is to be
+    repeated during the Opera season here, and each gifted singer
+    is recalled in proportion to his or her merits, the audience
+    will not get away till the following morning. <i>Juliette</i>
+    must have said, on the above-mentioned occasion, "Parting is
+    such sweet sorrow, That I could say 'good-night' until
+    to-morrow." And the usual chorus of operatic <i>habitués</i>
+    will be, "We won't go home till morning. Till daylight doth
+    appear!" with <i>refrain</i>, "For&mdash;she (or he)'s a jolly
+    good singer," &amp;c., <i>ad infinitum</i>, or "<i>ad
+    infi-next-nightum</i>."</p>
+    <hr />
+
+    <h2>THE FRIEZE OF THE PARTHENON.</h2>
+
+    <h4>ENGLAND TO ATHENS:&mdash;</h4>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>O Queen of Cities, with a crown of woe,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Scarred by the ruin of two thousand
+            years,</p>
+
+            <p>By fraud and by barbarian force laid low,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Buried in dust, and watered with the
+            tears</p>
+
+            <p>Of unregarded bondmen, toiling on,</p>
+
+            <p>Crushed in the shadow of their Parthenon;</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="figright"
+             style="width:36%;">
+            <a href="images/60-2.png"><img width="100%"
+                 src="images/60-2.png"
+                 alt="The Frieze of the Parthenon." /></a>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Mother of heroes, Athens, nought availed</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">The Macedonian's triumph, or the
+            chain</p>
+
+            <p>Of Rome; the conquering Osmanli failed,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">His myriad hosts have trampled thee in
+            vain.</p>
+
+            <p>They for thy deathless body raised the pyre,</p>
+
+            <p>And held the torch, but Heaven forbade the fire.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Then didst thou rise, and, shattering thy bands,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Burst in war's thunder on the Muslim
+            horde,</p>
+
+            <p>Who shrank appalled before thee, while thy hands</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Wielded again the imperishable sword,</p>
+
+            <p>The sword that smote the Persian when he came,</p>
+
+            <p>Countless as sand, thy virgin might to tame.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Mother of freemen, Athens, thou art free,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Free as the spirits of thy mighty
+            dead;</p>
+
+            <p>And Freedom's northern daughter calls to thee,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">"How shall I help thee, sister? Raise thy
+            head,</p>
+
+            <p>O Athens, say what can I give thee now,</p>
+
+            <p>I who am free, to deck thy marble brow?"</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr class="short" />
+
+    <h4>ATHENS REPLIES:&mdash;</h4>
+
+    <div class="poem">
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Shot-dinted, but defiant of decay,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Stand my gaunt columns in a tragic
+            line,</p>
+
+            <p>The shattered relics of a glorious day,</p>
+
+            <p>Mute guardians of the lost Athena's shrine.</p>
+
+            <p>The flame of hope, that faded to despair</p>
+
+            <p>Ere Hellas burst her chains, is imaged there.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Yet one there was who came to her for gain,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Ere yet the years of her despair were
+            run;</p>
+
+            <p>And with harsh zeal defaced the ruined fane</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Full in the blazing light of Hellas'
+            sun.</p>
+
+            <p>Spoiling my home with sacrilegious hand,</p>
+
+            <p>He bore his captives to a foreign land.</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>Ilissus mourns his tutelary god,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">Theseus in some far city doth
+            recline:</p>
+
+            <p>Lost is the Horse of Night that erstwhile trod</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">My hall; the god-like shapes that once
+            were mine</p>
+
+            <p>Call to me, "Mother save us ere we die,</p>
+
+            <p>Far from thy arms beneath a sunless sky."</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>How shall I answer? for my arms are fain</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">To clasp them fast upon the rock-bound
+            steep,</p>
+
+            <p>Their ancient home. Shall Athens yearn in vain,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">And all in vain must woful Hellas
+            weep?</p>
+
+            <p>Must the indignant shade of PHIDIAS mourn</p>
+
+            <p>For his dear city, free but how forlorn?</p>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="stanza">
+            <p>How shall I answer? Nay, I turn to thee,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">England, and pray thee, from thy northern
+            throne</p>
+
+            <p>Step down and hearken, give them back to me,</p>
+
+            <p class="i2">O generous sister, give me back mine
+            own.</p>
+
+            <p>Thy jewelled forehead needs no alien gem</p>
+
+            <p>Torn from a hapless sister's diadem.</p>
+        </div>
+    </div>
+    <hr />
+
+    <p>NOTICE.&mdash;Rejected Communications or Contributions,
+    whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any
+    description, will in no case be returned, not even when
+    accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or
+    Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.</p>
+    <hr class="full" />
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol.
+100., Jan. 31, 1891, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, JAN. 31, 1891 ***
+
+***** This file should be named 13067-h.htm or 13067-h.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        https://www.gutenberg.org/1/3/0/6/13067/
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+https://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+https://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at https://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit https://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
+donations.  To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     https://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+
+
+</pre>
+
+</body>
+</html>
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/49-1.png b/old/13067-h/images/49-1.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..591e39b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/49-1.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/49-2.png b/old/13067-h/images/49-2.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b88f2fc
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/49-2.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/50.png b/old/13067-h/images/50.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..94c20b3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/50.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/51.png b/old/13067-h/images/51.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..73c4d5b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/51.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/52-1.png b/old/13067-h/images/52-1.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..accfd60
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/52-1.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/52-2.png b/old/13067-h/images/52-2.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b8a9281
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/52-2.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/52-3.png b/old/13067-h/images/52-3.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..07d8ed3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/52-3.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/53.png b/old/13067-h/images/53.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..35af5f0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/53.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/54.png b/old/13067-h/images/54.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9dac691
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/54.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/55.png b/old/13067-h/images/55.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..93fe698
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/55.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/57.png b/old/13067-h/images/57.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..fc84fea
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/57.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/58.png b/old/13067-h/images/58.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a57bc05
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/58.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/59-1.png b/old/13067-h/images/59-1.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..648aef3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/59-1.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/59-2.png b/old/13067-h/images/59-2.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..92c7d5e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/59-2.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/60-1.png b/old/13067-h/images/60-1.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..130a613
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/60-1.png
diff --git a/old/13067-h/images/60-2.png b/old/13067-h/images/60-2.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..096dd01
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067-h/images/60-2.png
diff --git a/old/13067.txt b/old/13067.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a12a4c1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,1710 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100.,
+Jan. 31, 1891, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100., Jan. 31, 1891
+
+Author: Various
+
+Release Date: July 31, 2004 [EBook #13067]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, JAN. 31, 1891 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+
+PUNCH,
+
+OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
+
+VOL. 100.
+
+
+
+January 31, 1891.
+
+
+
+
+VOCES POPULI.
+
+A ROW IN THE PIT; OR, THE OBSTRUCTIVE HAT.
+
+    SCENE--_The Pit during Pantomime Time._
+
+    _The Overture is beginning._
+
+[Illustration]
+
+_An Over-heated Matron_ (_to her Husband_). Well, they don't give
+you much _room_ in 'ere, I _must_ say. Still, we done better than
+I expected, after all that crushing. I thought my ribs was gone
+once--but it was on'y the umbrella's. You pretty comfortable where you
+are, eh. Father?
+
+_Father_. Oh, I'm right enough, I am.
+
+_Jimmy_ (_their Son; a small boy, with a piping voice_). If _Father_
+is, it's more nor what _I_ am. I can't see, Mother, I can't!
+
+_His Mother_. Lor' bless the boy! there ain't nothen to _see_ yet;
+you'll see well enough when the Curting goes up. (_Curtain rises on
+opening scene_). Look, JIMMY, ain't _that_ nice, now? All them himps
+dancin' round, and real fire comin' out of the pot--which I 'ope it's
+quite safe--and there's a beautiful fairy just come on, dressed so
+grand, too!
+
+_Jimmy_. I can't see no fairy--nor yet no himps--no nothen! [_He
+whimpers_.
+
+_His Mother_ (_annoyed_). Was there ever such a aggravating boy to
+take anywheres! Set quiet, do, and don't fidget, and look at the
+hactin'!
+
+_Jimmy_. I tell yer I can't _see_ no hactin', Mother. It ain't my
+fault--it's this lady in front o' me, with the 'at.
+
+_Mother_ (_perceiving the justice of his complaints_). Father, the
+pore boy says he can't see where he is, 'cause of a lady's hat in
+front.
+
+_Father._ Well, _I_ can't 'elp the 'at, can I? He must put up with it,
+that's all!
+
+_Mother._ No--but I thought, if you wouldn't mind changing places with
+him--you're taller than him, and it wouldn't be in your way 'arf so
+much.
+
+_Father._ It's always the way with you--never satisfied, _you_ ain't!
+Well, pass the boy across--I'm for a quiet life, I am. (_Changing
+seats._) Will _this_ do for you?
+
+    [_He settles down immediately behind a very large, and furry,
+    and feathery hat, which he dodges for some time, with the
+    result of obtaining an occasional glimpse of a pair of legs on
+    the stage._
+
+_Father_ (_suddenly_). D---- the 'at!
+
+_Mother._ You can't wonder at the _boy_ not seeing! P'raps the lady
+wouldn't might taking it off, if you asked her?
+
+_Father._ Ah! (_He touches_ The Owner of the Hat _on the shoulder._)
+Excuse me, Mum, but might I take the liberty of asking you to kindly
+remove your 'at? [The Owner of the Hat _deigns no reply._
+
+_Father_ (_more insistently_). _Would_ you 'ave any objection to
+oblige me by taking off your 'at, Mum? (_Same result._) I don't know
+if you _'eard_ me, Mum, but I've asked you twice, civil enough, to
+take that 'at of yours off. I'm a playin' 'Ide and Seek be'ind it 'ere!
+
+    [_No answer._
+
+_The Mother._ People didn't ought to be allowed in the Pit with sech
+'ats! Callin' 'erself a lady--and settin' there in a great 'at and
+feathers like a 'Ighlander's, and never answering no more nor a
+stuffed himage!
+
+_Father_ (_to the Husband of The Owner of the Hat_). Will you tell
+your good lady to take her 'at off, Sir, please?
+
+_The Owner of the Hat_ (_to her Husband_). Don't you do nothing of the
+sort, SAM, or you'll _'ear_ of it!
+
+_The Mother._ Some people are perlite, I must say. Parties might
+_beyave_ as ladies when they come in the Pit! It's a pity her 'usband
+can't teach her better manners!
+
+_The Father._ _'Im_ teach her! 'E knows better. 'E's got a Tartar
+there, _'e_ 'as!
+
+_The Owner of the Hat._ SAM, are you going to set by and hear me
+insulted like this?
+
+_Her Husband_ (_turning round tremulously_). I--I'll trouble you
+to drop making these personal allusions to my wife's 'at, Sir. It's
+puffickly impossible to listen to what's going on on the stage, with
+all these remarks be'ind!
+
+_The Father._ Not more nor it is to _see_ what's going on on the stage
+with that 'at in front! I paid 'arf-a-crown to see the Pantermime, I
+did; not to 'ave a view of your wife's 'at!... 'Ere, MARIA, blowed if
+I can stand this 'ere game any longer. JIMMY must change places again,
+and if he can't see, he must stand up on the seat, that's all!
+
+    [_JIMMY is transferred to his original place, and mounts upon
+    the seat._
+
+_A Pittite behind Jimmy_ (_touching up JIMMY's Father with an
+umbrella_). Will you tell your little boy to set down, please, and not
+block the view like this?
+
+_Jimmy's Father_. If you can indooce that lady in front to take off
+her 'at, I will--but not before. Stay where you are, JIMMY, my boy.
+
+_The Pittite behind._ Well, I must stand myself then, that's all. I
+mean to see, _somehow_! [_He rises._
+
+_People behind him_ (_sternly_). Set down there, will yer?
+
+    [_He resumes his seat expostulating._
+
+_Jimmy_. Father, the gentleman behind is a pinching of my legs!
+
+_Jimmy's Father._ Will you stop pinching my little boy's legs! He
+ain't doing you no 'arm--is he?
+
+_The Pinching Pittite_. Let him sit down, then!
+
+_Jimmy's Father._ Let the lady take her 'at off!
+
+_Murmurs behind._ Order, there! Set down! Put that boy down! Take orf
+that 'at! Silence in front, there! Turn 'em out! Shame!... &c., &c.
+
+_The Husband of the O. of the H._ (_in a whisper to his Wife_). Take
+off the blessed 'at, and have done with it, do!
+
+_The O. of the H._ What--_now_? I'd sooner _die_ in the 'at!
+
+    [_An Attendant is called._
+
+_The Attendant._ Order, there, Gentlemen, please--unless you want to
+get turned out! No standing allowed on the seats--you're disturbing
+the performance 'ere, you know!
+
+    [_JIMMY is made to sit down, and weeps silently; the hubbub
+    gradually subsides--and The Owner of the Hat triumphs--for
+    the moment._
+
+_Jimmy's Mother._ Never mind, my boy, you shall have Mother's seat in
+a minute. I dessay, if all was known, the lady 'as reasons for keeping
+her 'at on, pore thing!
+
+_The Father._ Ah, I never thought o' that. So she may. Very likely her
+'at won't _come_ off--not without her _'air!_
+
+_The Mother._ Ah, well, we musn't be 'ard on her, if that's so.
+
+_The O. of the H._ (_removing the obstruction_). I 'ope you're
+satisfied _now_, I'm sure?
+
+_The Father_ (_handsomely_). Better late nor never, Mum, and we take
+it kind of you. Though, why you shouldn't ha' done it at fust, I
+dunno; for you look a deal 'ansomer without the 'at than, what you did
+in it--_don't_ she, MARIA?
+
+_The O. of the H._ (_mollified_). SAM, ask the gentleman behind if his
+boy would like a ginger-nut.
+
+    [_This olive-branch is accepted; compliments pass; cordiality
+    is restored, and the Pantomime proceeds without further
+    disturbance._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+SOMETHING LIKE A SUBSCRIPTION!
+
+(_A PAGE FROM THE BOOK OF PHILANTHROPY._)
+
+The Committee waited impatiently the arrival of the Great and Good
+Man. It was their duty to obtain a donation--an ample one--from the
+Millionnaire whose charity was renowned far and wide, from one end of
+the world to the other. At length he appeared before them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"What can I do for you?" he asked, with a smile that absolutely shone
+with benevolence.
+
+"You know, Sir, that the claims of the poor in the Winter are
+numerous, and difficult to meet?"
+
+"Certainly I do," returned the Man of Wealth, "and hope that you are
+about to ask me for a subscription."
+
+"Indeed we were," cried the spokesman of the Committee, his eyes
+filling with grateful tears. "May I put you down for five pounds?"
+
+"Five pounds!" echoed the Millionnaire, impatiently, "What is five
+pounds?--_five thousand_ is much more like the figure! Now, I will
+give you five thousand pounds on one condition."
+
+"Name it!" cried the Deputation in a breath.
+
+"The simplest thing in the world," continued the Millionnaire. "I
+will give you five thousand pounds on the condition that you get
+ninety-nine other fellows to do the same. Nay, you shall thank me when
+all is collected. I can wait till then."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The above words were spoken more than thirty years ago. Since then
+the Deputation have been waiting for the other fellows--and so has the
+Millionnaire!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PROFESSOR V. PROFESSOR.
+
+PROFESSOR VIRCHOW seems by no means Koch-sure about the _tuberculosis_
+remedy. Indeed Professor KOCH finds that there is not only "much
+virtue in an 'if,'" but much "if" in a VIRCHOW! He is inclined to sing
+with SWINBURNE:--
+
+  "Come down, and redeem us from VIRCHOW."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE FRIEND OF IRELAND AND THE WORDY KNIFE-GRINDER.
+
+(_IMITATION SAPPHICS SOME WAY AFTER CANNING AND FRERE._)
+
+[Illustration: _Wordy Knife-Grinder_. "STORY! GOD BLESS YOU! I HAVE
+NONE TO TELL, SIR!"]
+
+_Friend of Ireland_:--
+
+  "Wordy Knife-Grinder! Whither are you going?
+  Dark is your way--your wheel looks out of order--
+  Mitchelstown palls, and there seems no more spell in
+            O'BRIEN's breeches!
+
+  "Wordy Knife-Grinder, little think the proud ones,
+  Who in their speeches prate about their Union-
+  Ism, what hard work 'tis to keep a Party
+            Tightly together!
+
+  "Tell me, Knife-Grinder, what _your_ little game is.
+  Do you mean playing straight with me and others?
+  Or would you jocky Erin like a confounded
+            Saxon attorney?
+
+  "Give us a glimpse of that same Memorandum!
+  Pledge yourself clear to what needs no explaining!
+  Prove that your plan is not quite a sham, sly-whittled
+            Down into nullity!
+
+  "Ere I depart (if go I must, TIM HEALY)
+  Give me a pledge that I'm not sold for nothing.
+  Tell us in plain round words, without evasion, the
+            _True_ Hawarden story."
+
+_Knife-Grinder_.
+
+  "Story! God bless yer! I have none to tell, Sir!
+  _Never_ tell stories, I; 'tis my sole business
+  This Wheel to turn with treadle and cry, 'Knives and
+            Scissors to grind O!'
+
+  "Constabulary? Question of Land Purchase?
+  Number of Irish Members due in justice?
+  Never said aught about 'em; don't intend to--
+            Not for the present.
+
+  "I shall be glad to do what honour urgeth;
+  Grind on alone, if you will give me _carte-blanche_,
+  Make room for JUSTIN, and forbear to meddle
+            With politics, Sir!"
+
+_Friend of Ireland_.
+
+  "_I_ give thee _carte-blanche?_ I will see thee blowed first--
+  Fraud! whom no frank appeal can move to frankness--
+  Sophist, evasive, garrulous, word-web-spinning
+            Subtle Old Spider!!!"
+
+[_Kicks the Knife-Grinder, overturns his Wheel, and exit in a fury of
+patriotic enthusiasm and forcible language._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CAPITAL AND LABOUR FORECAST;
+
+_OR, SIX OF ONE AND HALF-A-DOZEN OF THE OTHER._
+
+Though in some quarters a better feeling was reported to have
+prevailed, still, according to latest accounts, the outlook can
+scarcely be regarded as satisfactory. A meeting of the Amalgamated
+Engineering Tram-Drivers' Mutual Stand-Shoulder-to-Shoulder
+Strangulation Society was held on Glasgow Green yesterday afternoon,
+at which, amid a good deal of boisterous interruption, several
+delegates addressed the assembled audience and recounted their recent
+experiences up to date. There were still 1700 of the Company's old
+hands out of work, and though, thanks to the profound enthusiasm,
+"their just cause" had excited amidst the Trade Societies in the
+South, by which, owing to subscriptions from no less important
+bodies than the Bootmakers' Benevolent Grandmothers' Association, and
+Superannuated Undertakers' Orphan Society, they had been able to stay
+out and defy the Company, receiving all the while, every man of them,
+a stipend of 3s. 9d. a-week, still they had almost come to the end
+of their resources, and all that they had in hand towards next week's
+fund for distribution, was L1 13s. 7-1/2d., received in coppers from
+the Deputy-Chairman of the Metropolitan Boys' Boot-blacking Brigade,
+accompanied with an intimation that that help must be regarded as
+the last that can be counted on from that quarter. Under these
+circumstances it became a question whether it was not almost time to
+consider some terms of compromise.
+
+In the above sense one of the speakers addressed the meeting, but
+he was speedily followed by another, who insisted that, "come
+what might," they would stick to their latest terms, which were, a
+three-hours' day--(_loud cheers_)--and time-and-three-quarters for
+any work expected after three o'clock in the afternoon. (_Prolonged
+cheering_.)
+
+A Delegate here rose, and said it was all very well their cheering,
+but could they get it? (_A Voice, "We'll try!"_) For his part, the
+speaker continued, he had had enough of trying. With wife and children
+starving at home, he had only one course open to him, and that was,
+to knock under to the Company and their ten-hours' day, if they would
+have him. (_Groans, amid which the Speaker had his hat knocked over
+his eyes, and was kicked out of the assembly_.)
+
+The discussion was then continued, much in the same vein, and
+eventually culminated in a free fight, in which the Chairman got his
+head broken, on declaring that a Motion further limiting the working
+day to two hours and a half, was lost by a narrow majority.
+
+Yesterday afternoon the Directors' Mutual Anti-Labour Protection
+Company met at their Central Offices for the despatch of their usual
+business. The ordinary Report was read, which announced that though
+the affairs of three great Railway Companies had "gone" literally "to
+the dogs," still, the Directors of each had to be congratulated on
+showing a firm front, in refusing to acknowledge even the existence
+of their _employes_. The usual congratulatory Motions were put,
+_pro forma_, and passed, and, amid a general manifestation of gloomy
+satisfaction, the meeting was further adjourned.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"A SALVAGE MAN."
+
+  Rudyard Kipling has hit on a picturesque plan;
+  He describes in strong language "the savage in Man."
+  Whilst amongst the conventions he raids and he ravages.
+  We'd like just a leetle more "Man" in his savages.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: IN SELF-DEFENCE.
+
+_Jones_ (_who has just told his best Story, and been rewarded with
+a gentle smile_). "UPON MY WORD, WOMEN HAVEN'T GOT THE REAL SENSE OF
+HUMOUR! WHY, WHEN I HEARD THAT STORY FOR THE FIRST TIME, ONLY LAST
+WEEK, I SIMPLY ROARED!"
+
+_Miss Smith_. "SO DID I--ONLY IT WAS LAST YEAR!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FROM OUR MUSICAL BOX.
+
+We sent our Musical Box (Cox being unable to accompany him on the
+piano or any other instrument, by reason of the severe weather) to
+hear STAVENHAGEN at St. James's Hall, Thursday last, the 22nd. Our
+Musical B. was nearly turned out of the hall, he was in such ecstasies
+of delight over a Beethovenly _concerto_, which "bangs Banagher," he
+said, subsequently translating the expression by explaining, "that
+is, beats BEETHOVEN." Our M.B. wept over a _cadenza_ composed by the
+performer, and was only restored by the appearance--her first--of
+Madame STAVENHAGEN, who gave somebody's grand _scena_ far better,
+probably, than that somebody could have given it himself, set as
+it was to fine descriptive music by the clever STAVENHAGEN, which
+delighted all hearers, especially those who were Liszt-eners.
+"Altogether," writes our Musical Box, "a very big success. Music is
+thirsty work. I am now about to do a symphony in B. and S."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+VICE VERSA.
+
+  A poet in the _Forum_ asks the question,
+  "Is Verse in Danger?" 'Tis a wild suggestion!
+  Is Verse in Danger? Nay, _that_'s not the curse;
+  Danger (of utter boredom) is in Verse!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"ODD MAN OUT."--On Saturday last, the last among the theatrical
+advertisements in the _Daily Telegraph_ was the mysterious one,
+"MR. CHARLES SUGDEN AT LIBERTY," and then followed his address. "At
+Liberty!" What does it mean? Has he been--it is a little difficult to
+choose the right word, but let us say immured--has he been immured in
+some cell?--for it does sound like a "sell" of another sort--and
+has he at last effected a sensational escape? No doubt CHARLES, our
+friend, will be able to offer the public a satisfactory explanation
+when he re-appears on the Stage which suffers from his absence.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PLAYING OLD GOOSEBERRY AT THE HAYMARKET;
+
+_OR, THE DOOK, THE DANCING GIRL, AND THE LITTLE LAME DUCK._
+
+What is to be admired in ENERY HAUTHOR JONES is not so much his work
+but his pluck,--for has he not, in the first place, overcome the
+prudery of the Lord Chamberlain's Licensing Department, and, in the
+second place, has he not introduced on the boards of the Haymarket a
+good old-fashioned Melodrama, brought "up to date," and disguised in
+a Comedy wrapper? Walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen, and see _The Dancing
+Girl_, a Comedy-Drama shall we call it, or, generically, a Play?
+wherein the prominent figures are a wicked Duke,--_vice_ the "wicked
+Baronet," now shelved, as nothing under the ducal rank will suit us
+nowadays, bless you!--a Provincial Puritan family, an honest bumpkin
+lover, a devil of a dancing woman who lives a double-shuffling sort of
+life, an angel of a lame girl,--who, of course, can't cut capers but
+goes in for coronets,--a sly, unprincipled, and calculating kind
+of angel she is too, but an audience that loves Melodrama is above
+indulging in uncharitable analysis of motive,--a town swell in the
+country, a more or less unscrupulous land-agent, and a genuine,
+honest "heavy father," of the ancient type, with a good old-fashioned
+melodramatic father's curse ready at the right moment, the last relic
+of a bygone period of the transpontine Melodrama, which will bring
+tears to the eyes of many an elderly playgoer on hearing the old
+familiar formula, in the old familiar situation, reproduced on
+the stage of the modern Haymarket as if through the medium of a
+phonophone.
+
+[Illustration: FINAL TABLEAU, ACT I.
+
+"O does not a Meeting (House) like this make amends?"
+
+_Ham Christison_ (_Clown_). "Ullo! Oh my! I'm a looking at yer!"]
+
+At all events, _Drusilla Ives, alias_ "the Dancing Girl "--though as
+to where she dances, how she dances, and when she dances, we are left
+pretty well in the dark, as she only gives so slight a taste of her
+quality that it seemed like a very amateurish imitation of Miss KATE
+VAUGHAN in her best day,--_Drusilla Ives_ is the mistress, neither
+pure nor simple, of the _Duke of Guisebury_,--a title which is
+evidently artfully intended by the, at present, "Only JONES" to be a
+compound of the French "Guise" and the English "Bury,"--who from his
+way of going on and playing old gooseberry with his property, might
+have been thus styled with advantage: and so henceforth let us think
+and speak of him as His Grace or His Disgrace the Duke of Gooseberry.
+
+This Duke of Gooseberry visits, "quite unbeknown,"--being, for this
+occasion only, the Duke of Disguisebury,--his own property, the Island
+of St. Endellion, just to see, we suppose, what sort of people the
+Quaker family may be from which his mistress, the Dancing Quakeress
+(and how funny she used to be at the Music Halls and at the Gaiety!),
+has sprung. For some reason or other, the Dancing Quakeress has gone
+to stay a few weeks with her family in the country, and while this
+hypocritical Daughter of HERODIAS is with her Quaker belongings at
+prayers in the Meeting House, the spirit moveth her to come out,
+and to come out uncommonly strong, as, within a yard or so of the
+building, she laughs and talks loudly with Gooseberry, and then in a
+light-hearted way she treats the Dook to some amateur imitations of
+ELLEN TERRY, finishing up with a reminiscence of KATE VAUGHAN; all
+of which _al fresco_ entertainment is given for the benefit of the
+aforesaid Gooseberry within sound of the sermon and within sight of
+the Meeting House windows. Suddenly her rustic Quaker lover, a kind
+of _Ham Peggotty_, lounges out of the Conventicle, which, as these
+persons seem to leave and enter just when it suits them, ought rather
+to be called a Chapel-of-Ease,--and, like the clown that he is, says
+in effect, "I'm a-looking at yer! I've caught yer at it!" Dismay
+of Dook and Dancer!! then Curtain on a most emphatically effective
+situation.
+
+[Illustration: Two "Regular Dawgs" having a _tete-a-tete._]
+
+The Second Act is far away the best of the lot, damaged, however, by
+vain repetitions of words and actions. To the house where Miss Dancing
+Girl is openly living under the protection of Gooseberry, the Duke's
+worthy Steward actually brings his virtuous and ingenuous young
+daughter! If ever there were a pair of artful, contriving, scheming
+humbugs, it is this worthy couple. Because the Duke saved her from
+being run over by his own horses, therefore she considers herself
+at liberty to limp after him, and round him, and about him, on every
+possible occasion, to say sharp, priggish things to him, to make love
+to him, and in the Third Act so craftily to manage as to spot him just
+as he is about to drink off a phial of poison, which operation, being
+preceded by a soliloquy of strong theatrical flavour and considerable
+length, gives the lame girl a fair chance of hobbling down the stairs
+and arresting the thus "spotted Nobleman's" arm at the critical
+moment. Curtain, and a really fine dramatic situation. "Which nobody
+can deny."
+
+[Illustration: ACT III. Pantaloon David Peggotty Gladstone Ives.]
+
+It is in this same Third Act that the fine old crusted melodramatic
+curse is uncorked, and a good imperial quart of wrath is poured out on
+his dancing daughter's head by the heavy father, who, in his country
+suit, forces his way into the gilded halls of the Duke's mansion, past
+the flunkeys, the head butler, and all the rest of the usual pampered
+menials. An audience that can accept this old-fashioned cheap-novel
+kind of clap-trap, and witness, without surprise, the marvellous
+departure of all the guests, supperless, for no assigned cause, or
+explicable reason, not even an alarm of fire having been given, will
+swallow a considerable amount.
+
+The Fourth Act is an anticlimax, and shows up the faulty construction
+of the drama. Of course the news comes that the Dancing Girl is dead,
+and this information is brought by a Sainte Nitouche of a "Sister" of
+some Theatrical Order (not admitted after half-past seven), whose very
+appearance is a _suggestio falsi_. Equally, of course, a letter is
+found, which, as exculpating Gooseberry, induces the old cuss of a
+Puritan father to shake hands with the converted "Spotted Nobleman";
+but, be it remembered, the Dook is still his landlord, and the value
+of the property is going up considerably. Then it appears that the old
+humbug of an agent has sagaciously speculated in the improvement of
+the island, and poor Gooseberry feels under such an obligation to that
+sly puss of an agent's daughter, that, in a melancholy sort of way,
+he offers her his hand, which she, the artful little hussy of a _Becky
+Sharp_, with considerable affectation of coyness, accepts, and down
+goes the Curtain upon as unsatisfactory and commonplace a termination
+to a good Melodrama as any Philistine of the Philistines could
+possibly wish. It would have been a human tragedy indeed had poor
+Gooseberry poisoned himself, and the girl whose life he had saved had
+arrived just too late, only to die of a broken heart. But that "is
+quite another story."
+
+The piece is well played all round, especially by the men. Mr. TREE
+is excellent, except in the ultra-melodramatic parts, where he is too
+noisy. The very best thing he does is the perfect finish of the Second
+Act, when, without a word, he sits in the chair before the fire lost
+in dismal thought. This is admirable: as perfect in its dramatic force
+as it is true to nature. It is without exception the best thing in the
+whole piece. Mr. F. KERR as _Reginald Slingsby_, achieves a success
+unequalled since Mr. BANCROFT played the _parvenu_ swell _Hawtree_. It
+should be borne in mind that Mr. KERR only recently played admirably
+the poor stuttering shabby lover in _The Struggle for Life. Il ira
+loin, ce bon_ M. KERR. Miss JULIA NEILSON looks the part to the life:
+when she has ceased to give occasional imitations of Miss ELLEN TERRY,
+and can really play the part as well as she looks it, then nothing
+more could be possibly desired. All the others as good as need be, or
+can be.
+
+[Illustration: FINAL TABLEAU.
+
+Triumph of the Artful Agent and his lame Duck of a Daughter, Sybil
+Slyboots, _alias_ Becky Sharp, afterwards the Merry Duchess of
+Gooseberry.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE BOGEY, MAN!
+
+(_RETORT OF A LADY-PLAYER WHO PLAYS "FOR LOVE."_)
+
+    ["No game was ever yet invented which held the female mind in
+    thrall save by indirect means. Where would croquet have been,
+    so far as the Ladies were concerned, without its Curates, or
+    lawn-tennis without its 'Greek gods' ... If men played for
+    nothing, they would find it dull enough."--JAMES PAYN]
+
+  'Tis mighty well for Menfolk at Womankind to gibe,
+  And swear they do not care for games without some lure or bribe,
+  But e'en in JAMES PAYN's armour there seems some weakish joints;
+  He does not care for "glorious Whist" unless for "sixpenny points!"
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! It charms the Bogey, Man:
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll play it when he can.
+      But "pointless Whist," as PAYN admits, is not at all his plan;
+      You must have "money on" to please the Bogey, Man!
+
+  Now, Ladies like to play "for love," a fault male hucksters blame,
+  But only sordid souls deny _that_ is the true "grand game."
+  Man's vulgarer ambition's not just to play well and win;
+  His eye is ever on the stakes, his interest on the "tin."
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! That blatant Bogey, Man!
+      Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll flout us when he can.
+      "Indirect means" though, after all, are portions of _his_ plan;
+      For all his brag he loves the "swag," the Bogey, Man!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MUM'S THE WORD!
+
+    [Mr. CHAMBERLAIN presided lately at a Deaf-and-Dumb Meeting.]
+
+            JOSEPH _reflecteth_:--
+  Deaf-mutes make the best audience, I see;
+    _They_ gave me no rude flood of gibes to stem.
+  True, they were deaf, and so could not hear _me_,
+    But they were dumb, so _I_ could not hear them!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MADAME ROLAND RE-EDITED (_from a sham-Japanese point of view_).--O
+LIBERTY! what strange (decorative) things are done in thy name!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+JACK'S APPEAL.
+
+    ["It is impossible for warrant-officers in the Navy not to
+    see that they are placed at a disadvantage as compared with
+    non-commissioned officers in the Army, and it must be
+    very difficult to persuade them that the two cases are
+    so essentially different as to afford no real ground for
+    grievance."--_The "Times," on "An Earnest Appeal on Behalf of
+    the Rank and File of the Navy_."]
+
+_Jack Tar to Tommy Atkins, loquitur_:--
+
+  TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, penmen write pertikler fine
+  Of the Wooden Walls of England, and likeways the Thin Red Line;
+  But for those as form that Line, mate, or for those as man them Walls,
+  Scribes don't seem so precious anxious to kick up their lyric squalls.
+  Not a bit of it, my hearty; for one reason--it don't pay;
+  There is small demand, my TOMMY, for a DIBDIN in our day.
+  Oh, I know that arter dinner your M.P.'s can up and quote
+  Tasty tit-bits from old CHARLEY, which they all reel off by rote;
+  But if there _is_ a cherub up aloft to watch poor JACK,
+  That there cherub ain't a poet,--bards are on another tack.
+
+  TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, BULL is sweet on "loyal toasts,"
+  And he spends his millions freely on his squadrons and his hosts,
+  But there isn't much on't, messmate, not so fur as _I_ can see,
+  Whether 'tis rant or rhino, that gets spent on you and me.
+  Still the _Times_ has took our case up,--werry handsome o' the _Times_!--
+  I have heard it charged with prejudice, class-hate, and similar crimes,
+  But it shows it's got fair sperret and a buzzum as can feel
+  When it backs us with a "Leader" arter printing our "Appeal."
+  You are better off, my TOMMY, than the Navy Rank and File,
+  You _may_ chance to get promotion,--arter waiting a good while--
+  But the tip-top of Tar luck's to be a Warrant Officer;
+  We ain't like to get no further, if we even get _as_ fur.
+  'Tain't encouraging, my hearty. As for me, I'm old and grey,
+  'Tis too late now for promotion if it chanced to come _my_ way;
+  And my knowledge, and my patter, and my manners--well I guess
+  They mayn't be percisely fitted for a dandy ward-room mess.
+  But the Navy of the Future, TOMMY ATKINS, is our care,
+  We have gone through many changes, and for others must prepare.
+  It will make the Navy popular, more prospect of advance;
+  And what I say is, TOMMY,--_let the young uns have a chance!_
+  Some I know will cry "Impossible," and slate the scheme like fun.
+  Most good things are "impossible," my TOMMY,--_till they're done!_
+  Quarter-decks won't fill from fokesels, not to any great extent;
+  But, give good men a better chance! I guess that's all that's meant.
+  As the _Times_ says, werry sensible and kind-like, preju_dice_,
+  Though strong at first, dies quickly, melts away like thaw-struck ice;
+  If every brave French soldier, with a knapsack on his back,
+  _May_ find a Marshal's baton at the bottom of that pack,
+  Why should not a true British Tar, with pluck, and luck, and wit,
+  Find at last a "Luff's" commission hidden somewheres in his kit?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+WAKING THEM UP.
+
+_FLY-LEAF FROM AN ENERGETIC KAISER'S DIARY._
+
+10 P.M.--Slip out of Opera and take somebody else's overcoat from
+cloak-room when nobody is looking, jump into a four-wheeler, and drive
+to station. Am recognised, and a special train is called out. Give
+them the slip, and get into a horse-box of third-class omnibus-train
+just about to start.
+
+10.15 P.M. t_ 2.30 A.M.--Still in horse-box.
+
+2.45 AM.--Stop at a big town. Hurry out. Stopped for ticket. Throw off
+disguise of somebody else's overcoat, and declare myself. Guard called
+out to escort me. When they are looking the other way, hide under
+refreshment-counter, and get out of station unobserved on all-fours.
+Am collared by a policeman. Again have to declare myself. Give
+policeman twenty marks, bind him to silence, and borrow his official
+cloak. Find out Burgomaster's address. Hammer at his front door till I
+have stirred up the whole household.
+
+4 A.M. to 5 A.M.--Find out the Archbishop. Bang at his front door
+till he puts his head out of window, and wants to know "What on
+earth's the matter?" Hide round the corner. Repeat same business, with
+more or less success, at the residence of the Chief Justice, then at
+that of the Clerk of the Peace, and at those of any other officials
+I can call to mind, winding up by a regular good row at that of the
+General in Command. Trumpeter comes out. Take bugle from him, and give
+the call. General in Command rubs his eyes sleepily, and says he'll be
+down presently.
+
+5 A.M.--Hurry back to station. Catch early cattle-train going back to
+Berlin. Jump on engine, and declare myself. Wire approach down line,
+and tear away with the cattle, at seventy miles an hour, getting
+back to Berlin just in time for breakfast. Fancy I woke them up!
+Altogether, a very enjoyable outing.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: GENUINE ENTHUSIASM.
+
+(_A Thaw Picture_.)
+
+WHAT MATTER AN INCH OR TWO OF SURFACE-WATER, IF THE ICE BE STILL SOUND
+UNDERNEATH!]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"ROUGE ET NOIR!"
+
+OR, JONATHAN'S PERPLEXING PROBLEM.
+
+(_SOME WAY AFTER HOSEA BIGLOW'S "JONATHAN TO JOHN."_)
+
+_Jonathan (who has been reading the Articles on "The Negro Question in
+the United States," in the English "Times") loq._:--
+
+  It may be ez you're right, JOHN,
+    And both my hands _are_ full;
+  _You_ know ez I can fight, JOHN,
+    (I've wiped out "Sitting Bull").
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    We see our fix," sez he.
+  "The 'Thunderer's' paw lays down the law,
+    Accordin' to J.B.
+    To square it's left to _me_!"
+
+  Blood ain't so cool as ink, JOHN;
+    Big words are easy wrote;
+  The "coons"--well, you don't think, JOHN,
+    I'll let 'em cut my throat.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    Ghost-dance must stop," sez he.
+    "Suppose the 'braves' and black ex-slaves
+    Hed b'longed to ole J.B.
+    Insted of unto me?"
+
+  Ten art'cles in your _Times_, JOHN,
+    Hev giv me good advice.
+  I mind th' old Slavery crimes, JOHN.
+    I don't need tellin' twice.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,
+    I only guess," sez he,
+  "Seven million blacks on his folks' backs
+    Would kind o' rile J.B.
+    Ez much ez it riles me!"
+
+  The Red Man,--well, I s'pose, JOHN,
+    We'll hev to wipe _him_ aout.
+  Sech pizonous trash ez those, JOHN,
+    The world kin do without.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    Injuns must go," sez he.
+    "COOPER's Red Man won't fit our plan,
+    Though he once witched J.B.
+    As once he fetched e'en _me_!"
+
+  The Black Man! Ah, that's wuss, JOHN.
+    The chaps wuz right, ay _joost_,
+  Who said the Slavery cuss, JOHN,
+    Wud yet come home to roost.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    The problem set," sez he,
+    "By that derned Nig. is black and big,
+    And fairly puzzles me,
+    Ez it wud do J.B."
+
+  Your _Times_ would right our wrongs, JOHN,
+    --Always _wuz_ sweet on us!--
+  But on dilemma's prongs, JOHN,
+    To fix me don't _you_ fuss.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,
+    Though physic's good," sez he,
+    "It doesn't foller that he can swaller
+    Prescriptions signed J.B.
+    Put up by you for me!"
+
+  Thet swaggerin' black buck Nig., JOHN,
+    Is jest a grown-up kid;
+  Ez happy as a ---- pig, JOHN,
+    When doin' wut he's bid.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    He's hateful when he's free.
+  Equal with _him_, that dark-skinn'd limb?
+    No; that will not suit _me_,
+    More than it wud J.B.!"
+
+  Emigrate the whole lot, JOHN?
+    Well, that's a tallish task!
+  In Afric's centre hot, JOHN,
+    Send 'em to breed and bask?
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    _I_'d be right glad," sez he,
+    "But--_will they go?_ 'Tain't done, you know,
+    As easy as J.B.
+    Wud settle it--for me!"
+
+  _Rouge_--there I see my way, JOHN.
+    But _Noir_--thet's hard to front!
+  It wun't be no child's play, JOHN,
+    Seven million Nigs to shunt.
+  Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess
+    We've a hard row," sez he,
+    "To hoe just now, but thet, somehow,
+    I fancy, friend J.B.,
+    Your _Times_ may leave to _me_!"
+
+    [_Left considering it._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+WELCOME BACK!
+
+    [Mr. SANTLEY, who has been long absent in Australia,
+    reappeared at St. James's Hall on Jan. 19, and was received
+    with great enthusiasm.]
+
+  Back from your Australian trip!
+  _Punch_, my CHARLES, your fist must grip.
+  You have lighted on a time
+  When we're all chill, choke, and grime.
+  'Twere no marvel, O great baritone,
+  Did you find your voice had nary tone.
+  But there's none like you can sing
+  "_To Anthea_," "_The Erl-King_."
+  SCHUBERT, GOUNOD, English HATTON,
+  Equally your Fine Art's pat on.
+  _Punch_ can never praise _you_ scantly.
+  _A votre sante_, good CHARLES SANTLEY!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: "ROUGE ET NOIR!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: OUR SPORT AND ART EXHIBITION.
+
+"ON THE SCENT."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FOR _BETTER_--OR WORSE.
+
+    [At the Anti-Gambling Demonstration recently held in Exeter
+    Hall, Sir RICHARD WEBSTER, the Attorney-General, said that it
+    was supposed by many that it was impossible to enjoy athletic
+    pursuits without becoming interested in a pecuniary sense. He
+    should therefore like to add, not for the purpose of holding
+    himself up as an example, that, during his entire interest in
+    sports of all kinds, he had never made a bet.]
+
+  Ah! these are days when Recklessness, bereft of ready cash,
+  Will strive to remedy the void by speculative splash;
+  It is a salutary sight for Bankruptcy and Debt--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  His interest in manly sports, an interest immense,
+  Was ne'er degraded to a mere "pecuniary sense;"
+  His boyhood's love of marbles leaves him nothing to regret--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  Next, when a youth, the cricket-bat he first began to wield,
+  And "Heads or Tails?" re-echoed for the Innings through the field.
+  He sternly scorned to toss the coin, howe'er his friends might fret--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  And when, an Undergraduate, he swiftly skimmed his mile,
+  And comrades staked with confidence on him their little pile,
+  He'd beg them not on his account in gambling ways to get--
+  This good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  To play for money ruins whist: and seldom can his Club
+  Persuade him to put counters (coins for Zulus!) on the rub;
+  He _has_ been known for lozenges to dabble with piquet;
+  He wasn't Chief Attorney then, nor was it _quite_ a bet.
+
+  His wise profession's ornament, he looks on all such games
+  Far otherwise than RUSSELL does, than LOCKWOOD, HALL, or JAMES;
+  For pure platonic love of play he stands, unequalled yet--
+  Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+  St. Stephen's, too, thinks much of him; but ah! his soul it pains
+  To know that Speculation o'er the lobby sometimes reigns;
+  He's chided OLD MORALITY and RANDOLPH and the set,
+  Beseeching them on bended knees to never make a bet.
+
+  We all are fond of him, in short, the Boxes with the Gods;
+  That he's a first-rate fellow we would gladly lay the odds.
+  But no!--himself would veto that. We must not wound our pet
+  Precise Attorney-General who never made a bet.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE ARISTOTELIAN TREASURE-TROVE.
+
+  All have heard of "a Manuscript found in a Bottle,"
+    But here is a waif with romance yet more fraught:
+  A newly-found treatise by old ARISTOTLE
+    Is flotsam indeed from the Ocean of Thought.
+  Oh, happy discoverer, lucky Museum!
+    Not this time the foreigner scores off JOHN BULL.
+  Teuton pundits would lift, for such luck, their _Te Deum_!
+    No SHAPIRA, _Punch_ hopes, such a triumph to dull!
+  May it all turn out right! Further details won't tire us.
+  We _may_ get some straight-tips from that Coptic papyrus!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ROBERT ON SKATIN'.
+
+Well, I begins to agree with them as says, and says it too as if they
+ment it, that noboddy can reelly tell what is reel grand injiyment
+till they trys it, and trys it farely, and gives it a good chance. I
+remembers how I used to try and like Crikkit, when I was much yunger
+than I am now, and stuck to it in spite of several black eyes when I
+stood pint, and shouts of, "Now then, Butter-Fingers!" when I stood
+leg, till a serten werry fast Bowler sent me away from the wicket with
+two black and blew legs, and then I guv it up. I guv up Foot Ball for
+simler reesuns, and have never attemted not nothink in the Hathlettick
+line ewer since, my sumwat rapid increase in size and wait a hading me
+in that wise resolooshun.
+
+But sumhow it appened, dooring the hawful whether we has all bin a
+shivering threw for this long time, that I found my atenshun direckted
+to the strange fack that, whilst amost ewerybody was busily engaged
+in a cussin and swarin at the bitter cold and the dirty slippery sno,
+ewerybody else seemed to be injying of theirselves like wun-a-clock.
+Now it so appened that when waiting one day upon the young swell I
+have before spoken of, at the "Grand 'Otel," he was jined by another
+swell, who told him what a glorius day's skating he had been avin in
+Hide Park! and how he ment to go agen to-morrer, "if the luvly frost
+wood but continue!"
+
+So my cureosety was naterally egsited, and nex day off I gos to Hide
+Park, and there I seed the xplanation of what had serprised me so
+much. For there was hunderds and hunderds of not only spectably drest
+Gents, but also of reel-looking Ladys, a skatin away like fun, and
+a larfing away and injying theirselves jest as if it had bin a nice
+Summer's day. Presently I append to find myself a standing jest by a
+nice respectabel looking man, with a nice, cumferal-looking chair,
+and seweral pares of Skates; and presently he says to me, quite
+permiscus-like, "They all seems to be a injying theirselves, don't
+they, Sir?" which they most suttenly did; and then he says to me, says
+he, "Do you skate, Sir?" to which my natral pride made me reply, "Not
+much!" "Will you have a pair on. Sir," says he, "jest for a trial?"
+"Is there any fear of a axident?" says I. "Oh no. Sir," says he, "not
+if you follers my hinstrucshuns." So I acshally sets myself down
+in his chair, and lets him put me on a pair of Skates! The first
+differculty was, how to get up, which I found as I coudn't manage
+at all without his asistance; for, strange to say, both of my feet
+insisted on going quite contrary ways. Howewer, by grarsping on him
+quite tite round his waste, I at last manidged to go along three or
+four slides, and then I returned to the chair, and sat down again; and
+he was kind enuff to compliment me, and to say that he thort I was a
+gitting on fust-rate, and, if I woud only cum ewery day for about a
+week or so, he had no dowt but he shood see me a skating a figger of
+hate like the best on 'em!
+
+Hencouraged by his truthfool remarks, I at larst wentured to let go of
+him and try a few slides by myself, and shood no dowt have suckseeded
+hadmerably, but my bootifal stick to which I was a trustin to elp me
+from falling, slided rite away from me in a most unnatral manner,
+and down I came on my onerabel seat, with such a smasher as
+seemed to shake all my foreteen stun into a cocked-hat, to speak,
+hallegorically, and there I lay, elpless and opeless, and wundring how
+on airth I shood ever get up again. But my trusty frend and guide was
+soon at my side, as the Poet says, but all his united force, with that
+of too boys who came to his assistance, and larfed all the wile, as
+rude boys will, coud not get me on my feet agen 'till my too skates
+was taken off, and I agen found myself on _terror fermer_ on my
+friend's chair. It took me longer to recover myself than I shood have
+thort posserbel, but at larst I was enabled to crawl away, but not
+'till my frend had supplied me with jest a nice nip of brandy, which
+he said he kept andy in case of any such surprisin axidents as had
+appened to me.
+
+So what with paying for the use of the skates, and the use of the
+Brandy, and the use of the too boys, and the use of a handsum Cab to
+take me to the "Grand," that was rayther a deer ten minutes skating,
+and as it was reelly and trewly my fust attemt at that poplar and
+xciting passtime, I think I may safely affirm--as I have alreddy done
+to my better harf--whose langwidge, when I related my hadwentur,
+is scarcely worth repeating, as it was most certenly not
+complementary--that it shall be my larst. ROBERT.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: REMINISCENCES OF SPORT IN THE SNOW.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A FREEZING POINT.
+
+(_BY A FROZEN-OUT LOVER._)
+
+  They tell me thou art cold, my sweet--
+    A fact that scarcely odd is.
+  Gales half so cruel never beat
+    Against poor human bodies.
+  Cupid's attire is far too light
+  To weather Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+  How can a glow the soul entrance,
+    When frostbite nips the finger,
+  And blushes quit the countenance
+    To nigh the nostril linger!
+  Warmth were a miracle, in sight
+  And grip of Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+  Chill! chill to _me_, my Paradise!!
+    I'll not complain or curse on.
+  One cannot well be otherwise
+    To any mortal person.
+  Mere icebergs ambulant, we fight
+  Ferocious Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+  Cold art thou? Not so cold as I--
+    Nought living could be colder.
+  I'm far too cold to sob or sigh,
+    Still less in passion smoulder.
+  I'm turning fast to something quite
+  As numb as Thirty Fahrenheit.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+INFORMATION REQUIRED.--"Sir, I see a Volume advertised entitled,
+_Unspoken Sermons_. I should be glad to know where these are preached,
+as that's the place for yours truly, ONE WHO SNORES."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+NEW BOOK OF IRISH LIFE.--_The Bedad's Sons_. By the Author of the tale
+of Indian Life, _The Begum's Daughters_.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY.
+
+THESE GENTLEMEN ARE EXPECTED TO BE IN A JUDICIAL FRAME OF MIND AFTER
+HANGING ABOUT THE PRECINCTS OF THE COURT FOR SEVERAL DAYS, UNDER
+PENALTY OF A HEAVY FINE, WHILE THEIR PRIVATE BUSINESS IN THE CITY AND
+ELSEWHERE IS GOING TO THE DOGS. (WHY SHOULD NOT HALF-PAY OFFICERS DO
+THE WORK, AND RELIEVE BUSY MEN?)]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
+
+EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
+
+_House of Commons, Thursday, January 22_.--Both Houses met to-day
+after Christmas Recess. No QUEEN's Speech; no moving and seconding of
+Address; no Royal Commission and procession of SPEAKER to Lords. All
+seems strange, and spirits generally a little depressed. Only ROBERT
+FOWLER rises superior to circumstances of hour. Blustering about the
+Lobby "like Boreas," says CAUSTON.
+
+[Illustration: King Yah! Yah!]
+
+"Only not so rude," says HARRY LAWSON, jealous for the reputation of
+Metropolitan Members, even though some sit on the Benches opposite.
+With folded hands thrust behind coat-tails, rollicking stride,
+thunderous voice, and blooming countenance, Sir ROBERT positively
+pervades the Lobby. Personally receives POPE HENNESSY; shakes
+hands with everybody; and finally halting for a moment under the
+electric-lit archway leading into House, presents interesting and
+attractive picture of the Glorified Alderman.
+
+Scotch Members take possession of Commons to-night. LORD ADVOCATE
+brings in Bill, providing new machinery for private legislation; the
+Scotch Members with one accord fall upon proposal, and tear it to
+ribbons. Meanwhile other Members troop off to Lords, where spectacle
+is provided which beats the pantomimes into fits. Two new Peers to
+take their seats; procession formed in back room outside; enters from
+below Bar. First comes Black Rod, with nothing black about him; then
+Garter King-at-Arms, a herculean personage, fully five feet high, with
+a dangerous gleam in his eye, and the Royal Arms of England quartered
+in scarlet and blue and gold on his manly back. Behind, in red cloaks
+slashed with ermine, the new Baron and his escort of two brother
+Peers. There being no room for them to advance in due procession, they
+fall into single file, make their way to the Woolsack, where sits that
+pink of chivalry, that mould of fashion, that perfection of form, the
+LORD HIGH CHANCELLOR.
+
+New Peer drops on one knee, presents bundle of paper to LORD
+CHANCELLOR. L.C., coyly turning his head on one side, gingerly takes
+roll, hands it to Attendant. New Peer gets up; procession bundles back
+to table; here Gentleman in wig and gown gabbles something from long
+document. New Peer writes his name in a book (probably promising
+subscription towards expenses of performance.) Garter King-at-Arms
+getting to the front trots off with comically short strides for
+so great a dignity; New Peer and escort follow, Black Rod solemnly
+bringing up rear. Garter King makes for Cross Benches by the
+door; passes along one, the rest following, as if playing game of
+Follow-my-leader. Garter King suddenly making off to the right, walks
+up Gangway to row of empty Benches. Stops at the topmost row but one,
+and passes along. New Peer wants to follow him. Garter King prods him
+in chest with small stick, and tells him to go on to the Bench above.
+This he does, with escort. Meanwhile, Black Rod left out in the cold.
+Garter King motions to three Peers to be seated; tells them to put on
+their cocked-hats; counts ten; nods to them; they rise to feet, uplift
+cocked-hats in direction of LORD CHANCELLOR on Woolsack. He raises his
+in return of salute. Three Peers sit down again. Garter King counts
+ten; nods; up they get again, salute LORD CHANCELLOR; sit down once
+more. "One--two--three--four--ten," Garter King mumbles to himself.
+Once more they rise; salute LORD CHANCELLOR; then Garter King leading
+the way, they march back to Woolsack.
+
+Garter King now introduces new Member to LORD CHANCELLOR. L.C. starts
+as if he had never seen him before; then extends right hand; New Peer
+shakes it, procession reformed, walks out behind Bar. A few minutes
+later, another comes in, all the business done over again. Impressive,
+but a little monotonous, and as soon as possible after its conclusion
+Noble Lords go home.
+
+_Business done_.--In Commons, Private Bill Legislation Bill read a
+Second Time.
+
+_Friday_.--WM. O'BRIEN, standing with tear-stained face on pier at
+Boulogne waving wet handkerchief across the main, has drawn away
+JUSTIN McCARTHY, who can't be back till Monday. PARNELL was to have
+come down to-day, and, making believe to be still Leader of United
+Irishmen, asked OLD MORALITY to set aside day for discussion of his
+Motion on operation of Crimes Act. BRER FOX accordingly looked in
+shortly after SPEAKER took the Chair.
+
+[Illustration: Dr. Channing in the Pulpit.]
+
+"Seen BRER RABBIT anywhere about, TOBY?" he asked.
+
+So I up and told him about McCARTHY's new journey to Boulogne.
+
+"Oh, indeed," said BRER FOX; "if that's the case, I think I won't
+trouble House to-night. Got an engagement elsewhere; think I'll go and
+keep it. Not used to hanging about here, as you know; awful bore
+to me; but as long as BRER RABBIT comes here, I must be on spot to
+vindicate my position. So I'll say ta-ta. No--never mind ringing for
+fire-escape; can walk down the steps to-day."
+
+Thus there being no Irish Leader on the premises, and hardly any Irish
+Members, had a rare chance for attending to British business. CHANNING
+brought on question of working Overtime on the Railways; moved
+Resolution invoking interference of Board of Trade. Question a little
+awkward for Government. Couldn't afford to offend Railway Directors,
+yet wouldn't do to flout numerous body of working-men, chiefly voters.
+Proposed to shelve business by appointment of Select Committee.
+Opposition not going to let them off so easily. Debate kept up all
+night, winding up with critical Division; Government majority only 17.
+
+"And this," said OLD MORALITY, with injured look, "after PLUNKET's
+brilliant oration on the time-tables of the London and North-Western
+Railway Company! If he'd only illustrated it with magic-lantern,
+things would have gone differently." But he was obstinate; said there
+would be difficulty in arranging the slides, and so rejected proposal.
+
+_Business done_.--CHANNING's Resolution about Overtime on Railways
+negatived by 141 Votes against 124.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HOMAGE TO SIR JAMES HANNEN.
+
+Sir,--As the recognised organ of the legal profession, will you permit
+me to address you? It is common knowledge that within the last few
+days the Right Honourable Sir JAMES HANNEN has been raised to a
+dignity greater than that he has been able to claim for the last
+eighteen years, when he has sat as President of the Probate, Divorce,
+and Admiralty Division of the High Court of Justice. On leaving the
+Court in which so many of us were known to him, he was kind enough
+to say, "Those eighteen years had been eighteen years of happiness to
+him, chiefly arising from the advantage he had had in having before
+him habitually practising in that Court Barristers who had felt that
+their part was just as important as his in the administration
+of Justice, and who had assisted him enormously. Without their
+assistance, his task would have been an arduous one, whereas it had
+been, as he had said, an agreeable one." As I personally have had the
+honour of appearing before his Lordship for many years, I think that
+it is only right that I should make some acknowledgment of this kind
+recognition of my services.
+
+It is quite true that I have felt, as Sir JAMES HANNEN suggests, that
+my part (humble as it may have been) has been just as important as his
+in the administration of Justice. But it is gratifying to me beyond
+measure to learn that my invariable custom of bowing to his
+Lordship on the commencement and conclusion of each day's forensic
+duties--which has been the limit of my "habitual practice" in the
+Probate Division--should "have assisted him enormously." I can only
+say that, thanks to his unvarying kindness and courtesy, my daily
+recognition of his greetings from the Bench, instead of being an
+arduous task, has ever been an agreeable one. I have the honour to
+remain, Sir, your very obedient servant,
+
+(_Signed_)
+
+A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR.
+
+_Pump-Handle Court, January 24, 1891._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"PRO-DIGIOUS!"--In last Sunday's _Observer_ we read that at St.
+Petersburg Madame MELBA, as _Juliette, "was recalled thirty-one times
+before the proscenium._" The italics are ours, rather! If this sort of
+thing is to be repeated during the Opera season here, and each gifted
+singer is recalled in proportion to his or her merits, the audience
+will not get away till the following morning. _Juliette_ must have
+said, on the above-mentioned occasion, "Parting is such sweet sorrow,
+That I could say 'good-night' until to-morrow." And the usual chorus
+of operatic _habitues_ will be, "We won't go home till morning. Till
+daylight doth appear!" with _refrain_, "For--she (or he)'s a jolly
+good singer," &c., _ad infinitum_, or "_ad infi-next-nightum_."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE FRIEZE OF THE PARTHENON.
+
+ENGLAND TO ATHENS:--
+
+  O Queen of Cities, with a crown of woe,
+    Scarred by the ruin of two thousand years,
+  By fraud and by barbarian force laid low,
+    Buried in dust, and watered with the tears
+  Of unregarded bondmen, toiling on,
+  Crushed in the shadow of their Parthenon;
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+  Mother of heroes, Athens, nought availed
+    The Macedonian's triumph, or the chain
+  Of Rome; the conquering Osmanli failed,
+    His myriad hosts have trampled thee in vain.
+  They for thy deathless body raised the pyre,
+  And held the torch, but Heaven forbade the fire.
+
+  Then didst thou rise, and, shattering thy bands,
+    Burst in war's thunder on the Muslim horde,
+  Who shrank appalled before thee, while thy hands
+    Wielded again the imperishable sword,
+  The sword that smote the Persian when he came,
+  Countless as sand, thy virgin might to tame.
+
+  Mother of freemen, Athens, thou art free,
+    Free as the spirits of thy mighty dead;
+  And Freedom's northern daughter calls to thee,
+    "How shall I help thee, sister? Raise thy head,
+  O Athens, say what can I give thee now,
+  I who am free, to deck thy marble brow?"
+
+
+ATHENS REPLIES:--
+
+  Shot-dinted, but defiant of decay,
+    Stand my gaunt columns in a tragic line,
+  The shattered relics of a glorious day,
+   Mute guardians of the lost Athena's shrine.
+  The flame of hope, that faded to despair
+  Ere Hellas burst her chains, is imaged there.
+
+  Yet one there was who came to her for gain,
+    Ere yet the years of her despair were run;
+  And with harsh zeal defaced the ruined fane
+    Full in the blazing light of Hellas' sun.
+  Spoiling my home with sacrilegious hand,
+  He bore his captives to a foreign land.
+
+  Ilissus mourns his tutelary god,
+    Theseus in some far city doth recline:
+  Lost is the Horse of Night that erstwhile trod
+    My hall; the god-like shapes that once were mine
+  Call to me, "Mother save us ere we die,
+  Far from thy arms beneath a sunless sky."
+
+  How shall I answer? for my arms are fain
+    To clasp them fast upon the rock-bound steep,
+  Their ancient home. Shall Athens yearn in vain,
+    And all in vain must woful Hellas weep?
+  Must the indignant shade of PHIDIAS mourn
+  For his dear city, free but how forlorn?
+
+  How shall I answer? Nay, I turn to thee,
+    England, and pray thee, from thy northern throne
+  Step down and hearken, give them back to me,
+    O generous sister, give me back mine own.
+  Thy jewelled forehead needs no alien gem
+  Torn from a hapless sister's diadem.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS.,
+Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no
+case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed
+Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol.
+100., Jan. 31, 1891, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, JAN. 31, 1891 ***
+
+***** This file should be named 13067.txt or 13067.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        https://www.gutenberg.org/1/3/0/6/13067/
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+https://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+https://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at https://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit https://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
+donations.  To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     https://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/old/13067.zip b/old/13067.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..427ee98
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13067.zip