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+Project Gutenberg's More Goops and How Not to Be Them, by Gelett Burgess
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: More Goops and How Not to Be Them
+
+Author: Gelett Burgess
+
+Release Date: July 23, 2004 [EBook #13004]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MORE GOOPS AND HOW NOT TO BE THEM ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Internet Archive's Children's Library. David Garcia, and
+the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+MORE GOOPS AND HOW NOT TO BE THEM
+
+By Gelett Burgess
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+_Books by Gelett Burgess_
+
+ VIVETTE; or the Memoirs of the Romance Association. Small, Maynard
+ & Co., Boston. 152 pp. 8vo. $1.25
+
+ A GAGE OF YOUTH; Poems, chiefly from the "Lark." 58 pp. Small 8vo.
+ Small, Maynard & Co., Boston. $1.00
+
+ THE ROMANCE OF THE COMMONPLACE; A Collection of Essays upon the
+ Romantic View of Life. 152 pp. Small 4to. Elder & Shepard, San
+ Francisco. $1.50
+
+ THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG; A Cycle of Modern Fairy Tales for City
+ Children. With 53 illustrations (8 in color) by the Author.
+ Frederick A. Stokes Co., New York. 210 pp. Small 4to. $1.50.
+ Boards, $1.00
+
+ THE BURGESS NONSENSE BOOK; Being a complete Collection of the
+ Humorous Masterpieces of Gelett Burgess, Esq. With 196 illustrations
+ by the Author. 239 pp. Small 4to. Frederick A. Stokes Co., New York.
+ Cloth, $2.00 net. Boards, $1.25
+
+ GOOPS, and How to Be Them; A Manual of Manners for Polite Infants.
+ With 90 illustrations by the Author. Frederick A. Stokes Co., New
+ York. 88 pp. 5th edition. Small 4to. $1.50
+
+ MORE GOOPS, and How Not to Be Them; A Manual of Manners for
+ Impolite Infants. With 90 illustrations by the Author. 88 pp.
+ Small 4to. Frederick A. Stokes Co., New York. $1.50
+
+
+
+
+MORE GOOPS AND HOW NOT TO BE THEM
+
+
+A Manual of Manners for Impolite Infants Depicting the Characteristics
+of Many Naughty and Thoughtless Children With Instructive Illustrations
+
+By GELETT BURGESS
+
+
+NEW YORK
+
+Frederick A. Stokes Company
+
+Publishers
+
+
+COPYRIGHT, 1903, BY GELETT BURGESS
+
+_Published September, 1903_
+
+ * * * * *
+
+[Illustration: (Ex Libris)]
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: CONTENTS]
+
+
+_CONTENTS_
+
+
+ Introduction Goop! Goop! Goop!
+ Window-Smoochers Visiting
+ A Low Trick Picking and Stealing
+ When to Go Loyalty
+ "Ain't" Indolence
+ Nell the Nibbler The Law of Hospitality
+ Justice The Flower Hospital
+ A Puzzle Puppy Goops
+ Frankness Exaggeration
+ The Duty of the Strong Noise! Noise! Noise!
+ Walking with Papa Stealing Rides
+ Piano Torture Untidy Goops
+ At Table A Goop Party
+ How to Eat Soup Inquisitiveness
+ Baby's Apology Don't Be Good
+ In the Street Write Right!
+ Sick Furniture Wet Feet
+ Borrowed Plumes Dress Quickly!
+ The Goop Picnic Danger!
+ Book-Manners The Reason Why
+ Poor Mother! In Goop Attire
+ Cheating Impossible
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Introduction]
+
+
+_INTRODUCTION_
+
+
+ Children, although you might expect
+ My manners to be quite correct
+ (For since I fancy I can teach,
+ I ought to practice what I preach),
+ 'Tis true that I have often braved
+ My mother's wrath, and misbehaved!
+ And almost every single rule
+ I broke, before I went to school!
+ For that is how I learned the way
+ To teach you etiquette to-day.
+ So when you chance to take a look
+ At all the maxims in the book,
+ You'll see that most of them are true,
+ I found them out, and so will you,
+ For if you are as GOOP derided,
+ You may perhaps reform, as I did!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Window-Smoochers]
+
+
+_WINDOW-SMOOCHERS_
+
+
+ Little Goops are marking
+ On the window pane;
+ I forbid, in vain!
+ Noses, when they're greasy,
+ Leave a smooch so easy!
+ Rub it out again!
+ I shall have to scold them,
+ For I've often told them,
+ Kindly, to refrain!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: A Low Trick]
+
+
+_A LOW TRICK_
+
+
+ The meanest trick I ever knew
+ Was one I know _you_ never do.
+ I saw a Goop once try to do it,
+ And there was nothing funny to it.
+ He pulled a chair from under me
+ As I was sitting down; but he
+ Was sent to bed, and rightly, too.
+ It was a _horrid_ thing to do!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: When To Go]
+
+
+_WHEN TO GO_
+
+
+ When you go a-calling,
+ Never stay too late;
+ You will wear your welcome out
+ If you hesitate!
+ Just before they're tired of you,
+ Just before they yawn,
+ Before they think you are a Goop,
+ And wish that you were gone,
+ While they're laughing with you,
+ While they like you so,
+ While they want to keep you,--
+ _That's_ the time to go!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: "Ain't"]
+
+
+_"AIN'T"_
+
+
+ Now "ain't" is a word
+ That is very absurd
+ To use for an "isn't" or "aren't."
+ Ask Teacher about it:
+ She'll say, "Do without it!"
+ I wish you would see if you can't!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Nell the Nibbler]
+
+
+_NELL THE NIBBLER_
+
+
+ She ate some chocolate drops at 1,
+ At 2, she thought she'd take
+ A little jelly and a bun;
+ At 3, some frosted cake.
+
+ At 4, she nibbled at a roll;
+ At 5, a doughnut spied,
+ And ate it (all except the hole),
+ And then some cookies tried.
+
+ At 6, she didn't feel quite right,
+ And didn't care for dinner.
+ She said she had no appetite,
+ With so much Goop-food in her!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Justice]
+
+
+_JUSTICE_
+
+
+ Whenever brother's sent to bed,
+ Or punished, do not go
+ And peer at him and jeer at him,
+ And say, "I told you so!"
+
+ Nor should you try to make him laugh
+ When he has been so bad;
+ Let him confess his naughtiness
+ Before you both are glad!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: A Puzzle]
+
+
+_A PUZZLE_
+
+
+ There are about a thousand things
+ I'm not allowed to do;
+ Most everything I'm fondest of
+ I'm told is wrong--are you?
+
+ They say, "_Please don't do that, my child!_"
+ They say, "_You mustn't, dear!_"
+ I hope sometime I'll learn what's right,
+ For now it seems so queer!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Frankness]
+
+
+_FRANKNESS_
+
+
+ When you are talking, I expect
+ You'd better hold your head erect!
+ Please look me squarely in the eye
+ Unless you're telling me a lie.
+ For if you crouch and look askance,
+ Regarding me with sidelong glance,
+ I'll think it is a Goop I see
+ Who is _afraid_ to look at me!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: The Duty of the Strong]
+
+
+_THE DUTY OF THE STRONG_
+
+
+ You who are the oldest,
+ You who are the tallest,
+ Don't you think you ought to help
+ The youngest and the smallest?
+
+ You who are the strongest,
+ You who are the quickest,
+ Don't you think you ought to help
+ The weakest and the sickest?
+
+ Never mind the trouble,
+ Help them all you can;
+ Be a little woman!
+ Be a little man!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Walking With Papa]
+
+
+_WALKING WITH PAPA_
+
+
+ "Won't you walk a little farther?"
+ Said a Goop to his Papa;
+ "It is really quite delightful,
+ And we haven't travelled far;
+ Wont you walk a little farther,
+ There's a house I'd like to see!
+ Won't you walk a little farther,
+ Till we reach that cherry-tree?"
+
+ "Won't you carry me? I'm tired!"
+ Whined a Goop to his Papa;
+ "And my feet are sore and weary,
+ And we've gone so _very_ far!
+ Won't you carry me? I'm tired!
+ And I _can't_ walk back alone!
+ Won't you carry me? I'm tired!"
+ And the Goop began to groan.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Piano Torture]
+
+
+_PIANO TORTURE_
+
+
+ Pianos are considered toys
+ By Goops, and naughty girls and boys;
+ They pound upon the keys,
+ They lift the cover up, on top,
+ To see the little jiggers hop,
+ And both the pedals squeeze!
+
+ But instruments so rich and fine
+ (Especially if they're not mine)
+ I ought to treat with care;
+ So when my elder sister plays
+ She'll find it is in tune always,
+ Nor injured anywhere!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: At Table]
+
+
+_AT TABLE_
+
+ Why is it Goops must always wish
+ To touch _each_ apple on the dish?
+ Why do they never neatly fold
+ Their napkins until they are told?
+ Why do they play with food, and bite
+ Such awful mouthfuls? Is it right?
+ Why do they tilt back in their chairs?
+ _Because they're Goops!_ So no one cares!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: How to Eat Soup]
+
+
+_HOW TO EAT SOUP_
+
+ Whenever you are eating soup
+ Remember not to be a Goop!
+ And if you think to say this rhyme,
+ Perhaps 'twill help you every time:
+
+ _Like little boats that put to sea,
+ I push my spoon AWAY from me;
+ I do not tilt my dish, nor scrape
+ The last few drops, like hungry ape!_
+
+ _Like little boats, that, almost filled,
+ Come back without their cargoes spilled,
+ My spoon sails gently to my lips,
+ Unloading from the SIDE, like ships._
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Baby's Apology]
+
+
+_BABY'S APOLOGY_
+
+
+ Dear little seed, queer little seed,
+ Tucked into bed in the garden,
+ Why don't you grow? Why, don't you know
+ Baby is asking your pardon?
+
+ Out, little seed! Sprout, little seed!
+ Baby did wrong without knowing!
+ Hoping for you, groping for you,
+ To see if you _really_ were growing.
+
+ Break, little seed! Wake, little seed!
+ Baby will watch and not harm you.
+ Everything's bright, everything's right,
+ Nothing is here to alarm you.
+
+ Dress, little seed! Yes, little seed,
+ Fold your green leaflets around you;
+ _There_, little seed! Fair little seed,
+ Baby's _so_ glad he has found you!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: In the Street]
+
+
+_IN THE STREET_
+
+
+ Peelings on the sidewalk,
+ Apple-cores and all,
+ Kick them in the gutter;
+ Save some one a fall!
+ Barrel hoops, glass, and cans,
+ And wires in the street,
+ Kick them in the gutter;
+ You'll save some horse's feet!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Sick Furniture]
+
+
+_SICK FURNITURE_
+
+
+ Sitting on the table,
+ Standing on the chairs,
+ That's the way the legs are broken and the cushion tears!
+ How'd you like to pay the bill for varnish and repairs?
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Borrowed Plumes]
+
+
+_BORROWED PLUMES_
+
+
+ Don't try on the wraps,
+ The bonnets and caps
+ Of company coming to call!
+ Admire, if you please,
+ But garments like these
+ Should always feel safe in the hall!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: The Goop Picnic]
+
+
+_THE GOOP PICNIC_
+
+
+ They came to the best sort of place for a rest,
+ On the grass, with the trees overhead,
+ They sat down in a bunch and they opened their lunch,
+ And they had a be-autiful spread!
+
+ And when they were done, and they'd had all their fun,
+ They proved they were Goops, or were blind;
+ For they picked up their wraps and they left all their scraps
+ For the _next_ picnic party to find!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Book Manners]
+
+
+_BOOK-MANNERS_
+
+
+ If you scribble on your books,
+ How disgustable it looks!
+ Here a word, and there a scrawl,
+ Silly pictures over all!
+ Take a paper, or a slate,
+ If you want to decorate!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Poor Mother!]
+
+
+_POOR MOTHER!_
+
+
+ Oh! Isn't it shocking!
+ Just look at your stocking!
+ Just look at your brand new boots!
+ Your waist is all torn
+ And your trousers are worn--
+ Just _look_ at the holes in your suits!
+
+ Your father is working
+ All day, without shirking,
+ To pay for the clothes that you wear;
+ Your mother is mending
+ All day, and attending
+ To you, with the kindest of care.
+
+ And so, while you're playing,
+ Think of father, who's paying,
+ And mother, who's working so hard;
+ While you kneel on your knees,
+ Or climb up the trees,
+ Or make your mud pies in the yard!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Cheating]
+
+
+_CHEATING_
+
+
+ I thought I saw a little Goop
+ Who didn't pay his fare;
+ I looked again; the passengers
+ Were gazing at him, there.
+ "They think that he's a thief!" I said;
+ "I wonder does he care?"
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Goop! Goop! Goop!]
+
+
+_GOOP! GOOP! GOOP!_
+
+
+ Goop! Goop! Goop!
+ I wish you'd wash your face!
+ Goop! Goop! Goop!
+ Your hands are a disgrace!
+ Goop! Goop! Goop!
+ Put things back in their place!
+ I wish you were polite,
+ Instead of a
+ Goop! Goop! Goop!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Visiting]
+
+
+_VISITING_
+
+ When a Goop goes out to visit,
+ 'T isn't very pleasant, is it,
+ To hear him ask his friends for things to eat?
+ And to hear the little sinner
+ Say he wants to stay to dinner
+ Is a piece of impoliteness hard to beat!
+
+ "_Mother said that I could stay_
+ _If you asked me!_" is the way
+ That a Goop will make them ask him to remain.
+ It is better to be slighted
+ Than to stay when not invited,
+ For they _never_ ask a Goop to come again!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Picking and Stealing]
+
+
+_PICKING and STEALING_
+
+
+ When you are fetching bread, I trust
+ You never nibble at the crust
+
+ When in the kitchen, do you linger
+ And pinch the cookies with your finger?
+
+ Or do you peck the frosted cake?
+ Don't do it, please, for Mother's sake!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Loyalty]
+
+
+_LOYALTY_
+
+ Mother's found your mischief out!
+ What are you going to do?
+ Cry and sulk, or kick and shout?
+ Tell your mother all about
+ Brother's mischief, too?
+
+ Or,
+ Take your punishment, and say,
+ "I'll be better, now!"
+ Never mind the horrid way
+ Brother treated you, at play;
+ Don't tell it, anyhow!
+
+ It is the Goops, who have no shame,
+ Who say, "_'Twas some one else to blame!_"
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Indolence]
+
+
+_INDOLENCE_
+
+
+ There was a Goop who lay in bed
+ Till half-past eight, the sleepy-head!
+ He couldn't find his stockings, for
+ He'd thrown them somewhere on the floor!
+ He couldn't find his reading-book;
+ He had forgotten where to look!
+ His breakfast grew so very cold,
+ This lazy Goop began to scold;
+ And then he blamed his mother, kind!
+ "_You made me late to school_!" he whined.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: The Law of Hospitality]
+
+
+_THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY_
+
+
+ There is a very simple rule
+ That every one should know;
+ You may not hear of it in school,
+ But everywhere you go,
+ In every land where people dwell,
+ And men are good and true,
+ You'll find they understand it well,
+ And so I'll tell it you:
+
+ _To every one who gives me food,
+ Or shares his home with me,
+ I owe a debt of gratitude,
+ And I must loyal be.
+ I may not laugh at him, or say
+ Of him a word unkind;
+ His friendliness I must repay,
+ And to his faults be blind!_
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: The Flower Hospital]
+
+
+_THE FLOWER HOSPITAL_
+
+
+ I dreamed I found a sunlit room
+ Filled with a delicate perfume,
+ Where, moaning their sweet lives away,
+ A thousand lovely flowers lay.
+ They drooped, so pale, and wan, and weak,
+ With hardly strength enough to speak,
+ With stems so crushed and leaves so torn
+ It was too dreadful to be borne!
+ And one white lily raised her head
+ From off her snowy flower bed.
+ And sighed, "_Please tell the children, oh!
+ They should not treat the flowers so!
+ They plucked us when we were so gay,
+ And then they threw us all away
+ To wither in the sun all day!
+ We all must fade, but we'll forgive
+ If they'll let other flowers live_!"
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Puppy Goops]
+
+
+_PUPPY GOOPS_
+
+
+ Candy in the cushions
+ Of the easy-chair;
+ Raisins in the sofa--
+ How did they get there?
+ The little Goop who's greedy
+ Does it every day,
+ Like a little puppy,
+ Hiding bones away!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Exaggeration]
+
+
+_EXAGGERATION_
+
+
+ Don't try to tell a story
+ To beat the one you've heard;
+ For if you try, you're apt to lie,
+ And _that_ would be absurd!
+
+ Don't try to be more funny
+ Than any one in school;
+ For if you're not, they'll laugh a lot,
+ And think you are a fool!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Noise! Noise! Noise!]
+
+
+_NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!_
+
+
+ Do you slam the door?
+ Do you drag your feet?
+ Making noise enough for four
+ Hundred thousand Goops, or more,
+ Tearing up the street?
+
+ Clattering down the stairs,
+ Storming through the hall,
+ Pounding floors, upsetting chairs,
+ Do you think your father cares
+ For your noise, at all?
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Stealing Rides]
+
+
+_STEALING RIDES_
+
+
+ I thought I saw a little Goop
+ Who hung behind a cart;
+ I looked again. He'd fallen off!
+ It gave me _such_ a start!
+ "If he were killed, some day," I said,
+ "'Twould break his mother's heart!"
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Untidy Goops]
+
+
+_UNTIDY GOOPS_
+
+
+ I think you are a Goop, because
+ You never shut your bureau drawers,
+ You do not close the door!
+ You leave your water in the bowl,
+ You put your peelings in the coal!
+ I've told you _that_ before!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: A Goop Party]
+
+
+_A GOOP PARTY_
+
+
+ "Please come to my party!" said Jenny to Prue;
+ "I'm going to have Willy, and Nelly, and you;
+ I'm going to have candy and cake and ice-cream,
+ We'll play _Hunt-the-Slipper_, we'll laugh and we'll scream.
+ We'll dress up in caps, we'll have stories and tricks,
+ And you won't have to go till a quarter past six!"
+ But alas! When she mentioned her party, at tea,
+ Her mother said, "No! It can't possibly be!"
+ So Jane had to go and explain to her friends,
+ And that is how many a Goop party ends!
+ Just speak to your mother _before_ you invite,
+ And then it's more likely to happen all right!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Inquisitiveness]
+
+
+_INQUISITIVENESS_
+
+ I gave a letter to a Goop
+ To take to Mrs. Bird;
+ And what d'you think he went and did?
+ He read it, every word!
+ Now, isn't that the rudest thing
+ That you have ever heard?
+
+ Why, he would peep through keyholes,
+ And listen at the door!
+ And open parcels, just to see
+ What came from every store!
+
+ Now, have you ever _ever_ heard
+ Of such a Goop before?
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Don't be Good]
+
+
+_DON'T BE GOOD_
+
+
+ Just because you want to go
+ To the circus, or the show;
+ But, when all your fun is o'er,
+ Be as good as you were before!
+
+
+[Illustration: Don't be Bad]
+
+
+_DON'T BE BAD_
+
+ Just as long as you dare to be,
+ Because your mother doesn't see.
+ Do not wait for her to scold,
+ But be just as good as gold!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Write Right!]
+
+
+_WRITE RIGHT!_
+
+
+ If you were writing with your nose,
+ You'd _have_ to curl up, I suppose,
+ And lay your head upon your hand;
+ But now, I cannot understand,
+ For you are writing with your pen!
+ So sit erect, and smile again!
+ You need not scowl because you write,
+ Nor hold your fingers _quite_ so tight!
+ And if you gnaw the holder so,
+ They'll take you for a Goop, you know!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Wet Feet]
+
+
+_WET FEET_
+
+
+ Down the street together,
+ In the rainy weather,
+ Went a pair of little boys along;
+ One of them went straying
+ In the gutters playing,
+ Doing all his mother said was wrong;
+
+ One of them went dashing
+ Into puddles splashing,
+ Under dripping eaves that soaked him through;
+ One of them avoided
+ All the other boy did,
+ Dodging all the slimy, slushy goo.
+
+ One of them grew chilly;
+ Said he felt so ill he
+ Knew he'd caught a cold, and coughed a lot!
+ The other was so warm he
+ Said he _liked_ it stormy!
+ Which of them was Goop, and which was not?
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Dress Quickly!]
+
+
+_DRESS QUICKLY!_
+
+
+ All your life you'll have to dress,
+ Every single day (unless
+ You should happen to be sick),
+ Why not learn to do it quick?
+ Hang your clothes the proper way,
+ So you'll find them fresh next day;
+ Treat them with a little care,
+ Fold them neatly on a chair;
+ So, without a bit of worry,
+ You can dress in quite a hurry.
+ Think of the slovenly Goops, before
+ You strew your clothing on the floor!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Danger!]
+
+
+_DANGER!_
+
+
+ Ink, ink! What do you think!
+ You're sure to be stained, if you play with the ink!
+ You're sure to get black, if you play with the ink-well,
+ Before you begin it, just stop once, and think well!
+ All over your fingers, all over your face,
+ All over your clothes, and all over the place!
+ Your mother'll be angry, your father'll say, "_There!
+ I said not to touch it; you said you'd take care!_"
+
+ When Goops are so mischievous, they have to drink
+ Forty-four dozen bottles of raven black ink!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: The Reason Why]
+
+
+_THE REASON WHY_
+
+
+ Everybody liked Ezekiel.
+ Why?
+ You could scarcely find his equal.
+ Why?
+ If he made a mistake,
+ He said he was wrong;
+ If he went on an errand,
+ He wasn't gone long;
+ He never would bully,
+ Although he was strong!
+
+ Everybody hated Mello.
+ Why?
+ He was such a surly fellow.
+ Why?
+ If you asked him for candy,
+ He'd hide his away;
+ He never would play
+ What the rest wished to play;
+ He would say _horrid_ words
+ That he oughtn't to say!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: In Goop Attire]
+
+
+_IN GOOP ATTIRE_
+
+
+ I'll make you a dress of a towel,
+ And trim it all over with soap,
+ With a sponge for a hat
+ And a wet one, at that!
+ And _then_ you'll be happy, I hope!
+ You may act like a Goop, if you please,
+ In garments constructed like these!
+
+ But now, while you're dressed up so neatly,
+ Don't wipe off your hands on your frock!
+ The smooching that lingers
+ When you wipe off your fingers,
+ Will give your dear mother a shock!
+ The result will be even more shocking,
+ If you wipe off your shoes on your stocking!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: Impossible!]
+
+
+_IMPOSSIBLE!_
+
+
+ There once was a Goop (_it is hard to believe
+ Such unpleasant behavior of you!_)
+ Who always was wiping his nose on his sleeve;
+ _I hope that this Goop wasn't you!_
+ He always was spitting (for fun, I suppose),
+ _I couldn't believe, it of you!_
+ And putting his fingers up into his nose;
+ _I KNOW that this Goop wasn't you!_
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of More Goops and How Not to Be Them
+by Gelett Burgess
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MORE GOOPS AND HOW NOT TO BE THEM ***
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