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diff --git a/12739-0.txt b/12739-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..803f7b3 --- /dev/null +++ b/12739-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1222 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12739 *** + +PUNCH, + +OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. + +VOL. 99. + + + +December 6, 1890. + + + + +MODERN TYPES. + +(_BY MR. PUNCH'S OWN TYPE WRITER._) + +NO. XXII.--THE MANLY MAIDEN. + +The Manly Maiden may be defined as the feminine exaggeration of those +rougher qualities which men display in their intercourse with one +another, or in the pursuit of those sports in which courage, strength, +and endurance play a part. In a fatal moment she conceives the idea +that she can earn the proud title of "a good fellow" by emulating +the fashions and the habits of the robuster sex. She perceives that +men have a liking for men who are strong, bluff, outspoken, and +contemptuous of peril, and she infers mistakenly, that the same +tribute of admiration is certain to be paid to a woman who, setting +the traditions of her sex at defiance, consciously apes the manly +model without a thought of all that the imitation involves. She +forgets that as soon as a woman steps down of her own free will from +the pedestal on which the chivalrous admiration of men has placed her, +she abandons at once her claim to that flattering reticence of speech, +and that specially attentive courtesy of bearing, which are in men the +outward and visible signs of the spiritual grace which they assume +as an attribute of all women. In spite of what the crazy theorists +of the perfect equality school may say, men still continue to expect +and to admire in women precisely those qualities in which they feel +themselves to be chiefly deficient. Their reverence and affection are +bestowed upon her whose voice is ever soft, gentle and low, and whose +mild influence is shed like a balm upon the labours and troubles of +life. Of slang, and of slaps upon the back, of strength, whether of +language or of body, they get enough and to spare amongst themselves, +and they are scarcely to be blamed if at certain moments they should +prefer refinement to roughness, and gentleness to gentlemen. However, +these obvious considerations have no weight with the Manly Maiden. +In fact they never occur to her, and hence arise failures, and +humiliations, and disappointments not a few. + +[Illustration] + +The Manly Maiden is not, as a rule, the natural product of a genuine +country life. The daughter of rich parents, who have spent a great +part of their lives in a centre of commercial activity, she is +introduced to a new home in the country at about the age of fourteen. +Seeing that all those who live in the neighbourhood are in one way or +another associated with outdoor sports, and that the favour in which +the men are held and their fame vary directly as their power to ride +or to shoot straight, she becomes possessed by the notion that she too +must, if she is to please at all, be proficient in the sports of men. +Merely to ride to hounds is, of course, not sufficiently distinctive. +Many women do that, without losing at all the ordinary characteristics +of women. She must ride bare-backed, she must understand a horse's +ailments and his points, she must trudge (in the constant society of +men) over fallows and through turnips in pursuit of partridges, she +must be able to talk learnedly of guns, of powders, and of shot, she +must possess a gun of her own, and think she knows how to use it, she +must own a retriever, and herself make him submissive by the frequent +application of a silver-headed dog-whip. + +These attainments are her ideals of earthly bliss, and she sets out +to realise them with a terrible perseverance. Her father, of course, +knows but little of sport. He is, however, afflicted with the ordinary +desire to shine as a sportsman, and as a host of sportsmen. He +stocks his coverts with game, and invites large shooting parties to +stay with him. He himself takes to a gun as a hen might take to the +water; although, as his daughter contemptuously expresses it, he is +calculated to miss a hippopotamus at ten yards, he seems to imagine, +if one may be permitted to judge from the wild frequency of his shots, +that it is the easiest thing in the world to hit a pheasant or a +partridge flying at ten times that distance. From such a father the +Manly Maiden easily secures permission, first of all, to walk with the +men while they are shooting, and subsequently to carry a gun herself. + +And now the difficulties of the situation begin to make themselves +felt, not, indeed, by her, for she remains sublimely unconscious to +the end, but by the men who are compelled to associate with her upon +her ventures. No man will ever hesitate to rebuke another for carrying +his gun in such a way as to threaten danger; but, when a lady allows +him to inspect the inside of her loaded gun-barrels, or shoots down +the line at an evasive rabbit, he must suffer in silence, and can only +seek compensation for restraining his tongue by incontinently removing +his body to a safe place, where he can neither shoot nor be shot. At +luncheon, however, he may be gratified by hearing the Manly Maiden +rally him on the poor result of his morning's sport. She will then +favour him, at length, with her opinions as to how a driven partridge +or a rocketing pheasant should be shot, flavouring her discourse with +copious extracts from the Badminton books on shooting, and adding here +and there imaginative reminiscences of her own exploits in dealing +death. In the hunting-field she will lose her groom, and babble sport +to the Master, with whom she further ingratiates herself by rating and +lashing one of his favourite hounds, or by heading the fox whenever +he attempts to break away. She then crosses him at an awkward fence, +and considers herself aggrieved by the strong language which breaks +irresistibly from the fallen sportsman's lips. Later on she astonishes +an elderly follower of the hounds by asking him for a draught from his +flask, and completes his amazement by complaining of the thoughtless +manner in which he has diluted his brandy. + +In the evening she will narrate her adventures at length, amidst +a chorus of admiring comments from her fond parents, and their +parasites, and will follow up her triumphs of the day by pursuing the +men into the smoking-room, where she permits one of them to offer +her a cigarette, and imagines that she delights him by accepting it. +On such an occasion she will inform one of her friends that, on the +whole, she has but a poor opinion of Diana of the Ephesians, seeing +that she only hunted with women, and never allowed men to approach +her. From this it may be inferred that her stock of classical +allusions is not quite so accurate and complete as that of a genuine +sportswoman should be. Next morning she may be seen schooling her +horses in the park. She has a touching faith in the use both of spur +and of whip whenever the occasion seems least to demand them, and +she despises the man who rides without rowels, and reverences one who +attempts impossible jumps without discrimination. During the summer +she spends a considerable part of her time in "getting fit" for the +labours of the autumn and winter. Sometimes she even plays cricket, +and has been known to address the ball that bowled her in highly +uncomplimentary terms. + +So the years pass on. She never learns that it is possible for a woman +on certain occasions to be in the way of men, nor does her accuracy +or her care with a gun increase. If she marries at all, she will marry +some feeble creature who has no feeling for sport, and over whom she +can lord it to her heart's content. But it is more probable that she +will remain unwedded, and will develop eventually from a would-be +harding-riding maiden, into a genuinely hard-featured old maid. + + * * * * * + +A MUSICAL POLE STAR. + +The Irish Polar Star Musical, yclept our Paddy REWSKI, gave his last +"recital" at St. James's Hall, Thursday, November 27. Bedad, then, +'tis Misther Paddy REWSKI himself that is the broth of a boy entirely +at the piano-forte, but, Begorra, he's better at the _piano_ than +the _forte._ He gave us a nice mixture of HANDEL, BEETHOVEN, CHOPIN, +LISZT, and then a neat little compo of his own, consisting of a +charming theme, with mighty ingenious and beautiful variations, all +his own, divil a less. Great success for Paddy REWSKI. The Irish Pole, +or Pole-ished Irishman, has thoroughly mastered his art, but if he has +learnt how to master tune he has not yet perfected himself in _keeping +strict time_, as he took his seat at the piano just one quarter of +an hour late. Paddy REWSKI, me bhoy, when next you give us a recital, +remember that punctuality is the soul of business. _Au revoir_, Paddy +REWSKI! + +Yours entirely, JIM KRO MESKI. + + * * * * * + +ADVICE GRATIS.--Go and see _London Assurance_, with "CHARLES our +friend" in it, at the Criterion. It has, probably, never yet been put +on the stage as it is _hic et nunc_. Well worth seeing as a _curio_. +But what tin-pot nonsense is the Tally-ho speech of _Lady Grace +Harkaway_. And yet it has always "gone," and _London Assurance_ +itself, like the sly Reynard of the speech, has invariably shown good +sport, and given a good run for the money. + + * * * * * + +MAD WAGGERY.--_The Chequers_ is not the name of a wayside inn, but +of one of those modern inventions calculated to help to fill Colney +Hatch. A Puzzle it is, and it can be done--at least so say FELTHAM +& CO. Anyhow, they don't sell the solution, they only provide the +mystery. + + * * * * * + +AN OLD-FASHIONED CHRISTMAS NUMBER (_which is sure not to be +forgotten_).--Number One. + + * * * * * + +A CAUTION TO SNAKES. + +[Illustration: Liberty, in a forest, flees a rattlesnake wearing an +Indian headdress.] + +"There is, however, another opinion prevalent among the less educated +which gives to the Rattle-snake the vindictive spirit of the North +American Indian, and asserts that it adds a new joint to its rattle +whenever it has slain a human being, thus bearing in its tail the +fearful trophies of its prowess, just as the Indians wear the scalps +of slain foes."--_Wood's Natural History_. + + * * * * * + + "INGINS is Snakes!" And from its lair + This snake seems stirring. Who cries "Scare!"? + Well, they who hear the rattle + Close at their heels, its spring will dread, + And wary watch and cautious tread, + And arm as though for battle. + + Even to drive the keen-fanged snake + From its old home in swamp or brake + Irks sensitive humanity; + But they who know the untamed thing, + Have felt its fang, have seen its spring, + Hold mercy mere insanity. + + Untamed, untameable, it hides, + _Anguis in herbâ_, coils and glides, + And strikes when least expected, + And who shall blame its watchful foe + Who stands prepared to strike a blow, + When the swift death's detected? + + In the dark jungle dim and damp + It lurks, and Civilisation's tramp + Disturbs its sanctuary. + Hard on the snake? Perchance, perchance! + But Civilisation, to advance, + Must ruthless be, as wary. + + "Vindictive spirit" of the wild, + 'Twixt you and Progress' pale-faced child + Fated vendetta rages, + And Pity's self stands powerless + To help you counter with success + The onset of the ages. + + Long driven, lingeringly you lurk; + Steel and starvation ply their work + Of slow extermination. + Armed once again Columbia stands, + And who'd arrest avenging hands, + Must challenge--Civilisation. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: MANNERS OF THE BAR. + +A SKETCH IN THE LAW COURTS, SHOWING THE PATIENT AND RESPECTFUL +ATTENTION OF THE COUNSEL FOR THE PLAINTIFF DURING THE SPEECH OF +COUNSEL FOR DEFENDANT.] + + * * * * * + +The Archbishop of CANTERBURY's learned judgment in the Lincoln Case +was very much after the style in which His Grace parts his hair. It +was a first-rate example of the _Via Media_. + + * * * * * + +A PAGE FROM A POSSIBLE DIARY. + +(_WRITTEN IN THE WILD WEST._) + +_Monday_.--Well, here I am. Guess I have got together a pretty tidy +Army, that should beat BARNUM into small potatoes. The Arabs from +Earl's Court will soon go along straight enough. They seem to miss the +Louvre Theatre over yonder, where they were on the free list. Rather +a pity I can't start a Show here, but I calculate the country is too +disturbed. + +_Tuesday_.--Nothing much doing. Sent along to SMALL BITE, and he has +promised to come round along with a few of the Ghost-Dancers to let +me see what I think of them. Fancy the _ballet_ has been done before. +That clever cuss GUS, must have used it at Covent Garden when he put +up _Robert the Devil_. It seems like the Nun Ballet--uncommonly. + +_Wednesday_.--SMALL BITE is here. He's friendly enough, but his terms +are too high. Fancy they must have been trying to annex him for the +Aquarium. The Ghost-Dance is a fraud. Nothing in it. Might fake +it up a bit with national flags and red fire. But it's decidedly +disappointing. Altogether small pumpkins. + +_Thursday_.--Settlers want to know when I am going to begin. They are +always in such a darned hurry. They ought to know I am the hero of a +hundred fights (see my Autobiography--a few copies of which may still +be had at the almost nominal price of half-a-dollar) and should rely +on me accordingly. Am to visit the Indian Camp to-morrow. + +_Friday_.--Terms agreed. SMALL BITE and fifty braves engage themselves +for six months certain, sharing terms, travelling exes, and one clear +benefit. I find front of the curtain and advertising, they provide +entertainment, which is to include Ghost-Dance (with banners and +red fire) religious rites, war-dance, and scalping expedition +with incidentals (SMALL BITE says he knows "some useful knockabout +niggers") and procession in and out of towns. Think I can boom it. + +_Saturday_.--My connection with war ended. Calculate I start to-morrow +with the Show across the herring-pond, to wake up the Crowned Heads of +Europe! + + * * * * * + +TO THE BIG BACILLICIDE. + + O DOCTOR KOCH, if you can slay + Those horrid germs that kill us, + You'll be _the_ hero of the day, + Great foe of the Bacillus! + What champion may we match with you + In all the world of fable? + St. George, who the Great Dragon slew, + The Knights of ARTHUR's Table, + E'en gallant giant-slaying JACK, + The British nursery's darling; + Or JENNER, against whom the pack + Of faddists now are snarling, + Must second fiddle play to him + Who stayed the plague of phthisis, + And plumbed a mystery more dim + And deep than that of Isis. + For what are Dragons, Laidly Worms, + And such-like mythic scourges, + Compared with microscopic germs + 'Gainst which the war he urges? + Hygeia, goddess, saint, or nymph, + We trust there's no big blunder, + And hope your votary's magic lymph + May prove no nine days' wonder. + We dare not trust each pseudo-seer + Who'd powder, purge, or pill us; + But pyramids to him we'll rear + Who baffles the Bacillus. + + * * * * * + +STRANGE TRANSFORMATION.--From the _Times_ Correspondent, U.S., we +learned, last week, that somebody who had been "a Bull," was now "a +Bear." What next will he be?--A donkey? Or did he begin with this, and +will he end by being a goose? + + * * * * * + +PROSPECT FOR CHRISTMAS.--"TUCK," i.e., RAPHAEL of that ilk. The +"Correct (Christmas) Card." + + * * * * * + +"A PAIR OF SPECTACLES." + +[Illustration] + +The first spectacle classic and Shakspearian: t'other burlesquian, +and PETTIT-cum-SIMS. The one at the Princess's, the other at the +Gaiety. _Place au_ "Divine WILLIAMS"! _Antony and Cleopatra_ is +magnificently put on the stage. The costumes are probably O.K.--"all +correct"--seeing that Mr. LEWIS WINGFIELD pledges his honourable +name for the fact. We might have done with a few less, perhaps, but, +as in the celebrated case of the war-song of the Jingoes, if we've +got the men, and the money too, then there was every reason why the +redoubtable LEWIS (whose name, as brotherly Masons will call to mind, +means "Strength") should have put a whole army of Romans on the stage, +if it so pleased him. + +[Illustration: The Last Scene of Antony and Cleopatra.] + +For its _mise-en-scène_ alone the revival should attract all +London. But there is more than this--there is the clever and careful +impersonation of _Enobarbus_ by His Gracious Heaviness, Mr. ARTHUR +STIRLING; then there is a lighter-comedy touch in the courteous and +gentlemanly rendering of _Octavius Cæsar_ by Mr. F. KEMBLE COOPER--one +of the best things in the piece, but from the inheritor of two such +good old theatrical names, much is expected. And then there is +the _Mark Antony_ of Mr. CHARLES COGHLAN, a rantin', roarin' boy, +this _Antony_, whom no one, I believe, could ever have made really +effective; and finally. Her Graceful Majesty, Mrs. LANGTRY, Queen of +Egyptian Witchery. Now honestly I do not consider _Cleopatra_ a good +part, nor is the play a good play for the matter of that. I believe +it never has been a success, but if, apart from the really great +attraction of gorgeous spectacular effects, there is any one scene +above another which might well draw all London, it is the death of +_Cleopatra_, which to my mind is--after the fall of WOLSEY, and a long +way after, too,--one of the most pathetic pictures ever presented on +the stage. So lonely in her grandeur, so grand, and yet so pitiable in +her loneliness is this poor Queen of Beauty, this Empress-Butterfly, +who can conquer conquerors, and for whose sake not only her noble +lovers, but her poor humble serving-maids, are willing to die. + +[Illustration: The Run of Cleopatra.] + +Her last scene is beyond all compare her best, and to those who are +inclined to be disappointed with the play after the first Act is +over I say, "Wait for the end," and don't leave until the Curtain has +descended on that gracious figure of the Queen of Egypt, attired in +her regal robes, crowned with her diadem, holding her sceptre, but +dead in her chair of state. _Ça donne à penser_. + +_The Gaiety_.--In calling their burlesque _Carmen up to Data_, +possibly the two dear clever boys who wrote it intended some +crypto-jocosity of which the hidden meaning is known only to the +initiated in these sublime mysteries. Why "_Data_"? On the other hand, +"Why not?" + +However attractive or not as a heading in a bill of the play, +the Gaiety _Carmen_ is, on the whole, a merry, bright, and light +burlesque-ish piece, though, except in the costume and make-up of Mr. +ARTHUR WILLIAMS as _Captain Zuniga_, there is nothing extraordinarily +"burlesque" in the appearance of any of the characters, as the +appearance of Mr. HORACE MILLS as _Remendado_ belongs more to +Christmas pantomime than to the sly suggestiveness of real burlesque. + +[Illustration: Scene from the Cigarette History of _Carmen_.] + +As Miss ST. JOHN simply looks, acts, and sings as a genuine _Carmen_, +I can only suppose that her voice is not strong enough for the real +Opera; otherwise I doubt whether any better operatic impersonator of +the real character could be found. She is not the least bit burlesque, +and though the songs she has to sing are nothing like so telling +as those she has had given her in former pieces, yet, through her +rendering, most are encored, and all thoroughly appreciated. + +[Illustration: In for a good Run on the "Bogie" System.] + +Mr. ARTHUR WILLIAMS as _Zuniga_ is very droll, reminding some of us, +by his make-up and jerky style, of MILHER as the comic _Valentine_ +in _Le Petit Faust_. Mr. LONNEN is also uncommonly good as the spoony +soldier, and in the telling song of "_The Bogie Man_;" and in the +still more telling dance with which he finishes it and makes his exit, +he makes _the_ hit of the evening,--in fact the hit by which the +piece will he remembered, and to which it owes the greater part of its +success. + +In the authors' latest adaptation of the very ancient "business" of +"the statues"--consisting of a verse, and then an attitude, I was +disappointed, as I had been led to believe that here we should see +what Mr. LONNEN could do in the Robsonian or burlesque-tragedy style. +The brilliancy of the costumes, of the scenery, the grace of the four +dancers, and the excellence of band and chorus, under the direction +of that ancient mariner MEYER LUTZ, are such as are rarely met with +elsewhere. + +Mr. GEORGE EDWARDES may now attend to the building of his new theatre, +as _Carmen up to Data_ will not give him any trouble for some time to +come. + + * * * * * + +OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. + +[Illustration] + +Only a Penny! And well worth every halfpenny of it. I am alluding +to the Christmas Number of the _Penny Illustrated Paper_, in which +appears _A Daughter of the People_, by JOHN LATEY, Junior, who is +Junior than ever in December. Capital Christmas Number, and will +attract an extraordinary number of Christmas readers. + +_The Rosebud Annual_, published by JAMES CLARK & CO., is quite a +bright posy for our very little ones. + +Turning from novels, it is a relief to come across so inviting a +little volume as the _Pocket Atlas, and Gazetteer of Canada_, which +will be found of the greatest possible value to eccentric Londoners +who purpose visiting the Dominion during the coming Winter. + +"_Persicos odi_," but you won't agree with HORACE if you follow this +"_puer apparatus_" of G. NORWAY, who, in _Hussein's Hostage_, gives us +the exciting adventures of a Persian boy. + +_'Twixt School and College_, by GORDON STABLES, has nothing to do +with horsey experiences, as suggested by the author's name, but is the +uneventful home-life of a poor Scotch laddie, who triumphs by dint of +pluck. + +_Nutbrown Roger and I_, by J.H. YOXALL, a romance of the highway, +quite in the correct style of disguises and blunderbusses always so +necessary for a tale of this kind. + +_Disenchantment_ is the--not altogether--enticing title of "an +everyday story," by F. MABEL ROBINSON, author of _The Plan of +Campaign_. It is rather a long tale to tell, for it takes 432 pages +in the unravelling. It ends with a beautiful avowal that "the heart +is no more unchanging than the mind, and that love's not immortal, +but an illusion." As the utterer of this truism is a young married +woman, it would seem that the foundation is laid for a sequel to +_Disenchantment_ that might be appropriately called _Divorce_. + +_The Secret of the Old House_, by EVELYN EVERETT GREEN, who evidently +can't keep a secret to himself, will be so no longer when the children +have satisfied their curiosity by reading the book. + +My faithful "Co." declares that he has been recently hard at work +novel-reading. He has been revelling in an atmosphere of romance. +He has been moved almost to tears by _Lady Hazleton's Confession_, +by Mrs. KENT SPENDER, which, he says, includes, amongst many moving +passages, some glimpses of Parliamentary life. _Friend Olivia_, in +one bulky volume, takes the reader back to the days of CROMWELL, when +people said "hath," instead of "has," and "pray resolve me truly," +instead of "don't sell me;" and "Mr. JOHN MILTON" played upon the +organ. It has a fine old crusty Puritan flavour about it, which, +however, does not prevent the hero and heroine, in the last page, +reading a letter together, "with smiles, and little laughs, and sweet +asides, and sweeter kisses." Altogether, a book to read when a library +does _not_ contain WALTER SCOTT, ALEXANDRE DUMAS _père_, G.P.R. JAMES, +or HARRISON AINSWORTH. _Two Masters_ deals with passages in the life +of a young lady who is described as "a Boarding-school Miss" in Volume +I., and "a young she-fiend" in Volume III. However, it is only right +to say, that the last compliment is paid to her by a gentlemanly +murderer, who takes poison and a cigarette, with a view to escaping a +justly-deserved death on the gallows. From this it may be seen, that +the novel is at times slightly sensational. Fearing that his Christmas +might be saddened by this last ghastly incident, were not the +impression created by it partially removed by less highly-seasoned +fare, my faithful "Co." has also read _Mary Hamilton, a Tale for +Girls, My Schoolfellows_, and _Bonnie Boy's Soap Bubble_. He considers +the first admirably adapted to the comprehension of the readers to +whom it is addressed, only the girls, he says, should be _very_ young +girls. _My Schoolfellows_ he intends reading again when he has reached +his second childhood, when he fancies he will be better pleased with +the humours of "_Guzzling Gus_" and "_Ned Never Mind_." In conclusion, +he admits that he is a little doubtful about the merits or demerits of +_Bonnie Boy's Soap Bubble_. He explains, that while he was reading it +he "fell a thinking," and that when he woke up, the volume was lying +on the floor. Since then, he adds, he really has not had the leisure +to pick it up. + +_The Snake's Pass_, by BRAM STOKER, M.A. (SAMPSON LOW), is a simple +love-story, a pure idyl of Ireland, which does not seem, after all, to +be so distressful a country to live in. Whiskey punch flows like milk +through the land; the loveliest girls abound, and seem instinctively +to be drawn towards the right man. Also there are jooled crowns to be +found by earnest seekers, with at least one large packing-case crammed +with rare coins. The love-scenes are frequent and tempting. BRAM has +an eye to scenery, and can describe it. He knows the Irish peasant, +and reproduces his talk with a fidelity which almost suggests that he, +too, is descended from one of the early kings, whereas, as everyone +knows, he lives in London and adds grace and dignity to "the front" of +the Lyceum on First Nights and others. He is perfectly overwhelming +in his erudition in respect of the science of drainage, which, if all +stories be true, he might find opportunity of turning to account in +the every-day (or, rather, every-night) world of the theatre. In his +novel he utilises it in the preliminaries of shifting a mighty bog, +the last stages whereof are described in a chapter that, for sustained +interest, recalls CHARLES READE's account of the breaking of the +Sheffield Reservoir. The novel-reader will do well not to pass by _The +Snake's Pass_. THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS & CO. + + * * * * * + +RED VERSUS BLACK. + +(_TWO VIEWS OF THE SAME PLACE, BY GENTLEMEN "WHO WRITE TO THE +PAPERS."_) + +_Opinion No. 1._--Monte Carlo! One of the most disgraceful places in +Europe--a blot upon our civilisation. The gambling is productive of +the greatest possible misery. It is an institution that should be held +up to the execration of mankind. All the riffraff of the globe are +attracted to this hideous spot. The place is like an upas-tree, under +which everything noble and good languishes and dies! The form of +Government is absolutely immoral. It is a scandal that rates, and +taxes, and public improvements should be paid for out of the private +purse of the Director. He could not afford it had he not made a +fortune out of his ill-gotten gains! Anyone who has watched at +the tables knows that the chances are absolutely unfair--that the +Direction must win. Not that this matters much. It is the general +immorality of the place that is so alarming. The place should be +closed at once; and persons who have lost anything, say, during the +last year, should have their money promptly returned to them. And I +say this without any bias, although I _did_ back Red, and Black came +up ten times running! + +P.S.--Just won a trifle. Not so sure that my pessimist view may not be +modified. + +_Opinion No. 2._--Monte Carlo! Without exception, the loveliest +spot in Europe. The so-called gambling is the cause of numberless +blessings. It is an institution that should be held up to the +admiration of mankind. All the aristocracy of the civilised world +flock to it to indulge in a recreation to which only the greatly +prejudiced can possibly take exception. The Government is benevolent +to the last degree. In what other country are rates, taxes, and +improvements paid for you? If the Director were not the best of men, +how could this be done? The play itself is absolutely fair. And, with +a system, and a sufficiency of capital, anyone is able to realise a +large fortune in less than no time. Not that this absolute certainty +should be taken into consideration. It is the general morality of the +place that is so encouraging. The place should never close. And it +would be a graceful thing if those who have laid in a store for their +old age were to return a trifle, to be expended on some charity. And +I say this without any bias, although I have backed Black ten times +successfully. + +P.S.--Just lost all I had. Not so sure that my optimist view is not +open to rectification! + + * * * * * + +BULL AND BULLION. + +(_ON GOLD, AFTER GOLDSMITH._) + + When British Commerce stoops to folly, + And finds too late that Bonds betray, + What charm can soothe her melancholy, + And the big rush for bullion stay? + + To save herself from shameful ruin + (Ask Monsieur LAUR!) her only chance + Lies--full revenge for Waterloo!--in + Big borrowings from generous France. + + * * * * * + +_Mr. Punch Among the Planets_ is the title of _Mr. Punch's_ Christmas +Number, _vice_ Almanack superseded. Ask for this, and "see that you +get it"! + + * * * * * + +VOX STELLARUM.--The New Comet, November 19, Boston, U.S., suddenly +appeared, and was heard to exclaim, "But, soft! I am observed!" + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: SCENES OF CLERICAL LIFE.--A DIOCESAN CONFERENCE. + +"LOOK 'ERE, BILL! BLEST IF THESE BEAN'T A LOT O' PARSONS ON STRIKE!"] + + * * * * * + +"SEPARATISTS." + +(_FRAGMENTS OF A MODERN "MARMION."_) + + "But DOUGLAS round him drew his cloak, + Folded his arms, and thus he spoke:-- + * * * * * + 'The hand of DOUGLAS is his own, + And never shall in friendly grasp + The hand of such as MARMION clasp.'" + * * * * * + + "The hand of such as MARMION!" Ay! + Great Singer of the knightly lay, + Thy tale of Flodden field + Is darkened by unknightly stain. + That slackened arm and burdened brain + Of him found low among the slain, + Constrained at last to yield + To a mere "base marauder's lance;" + He, firm of front and cold of glance, + The dark, the dauntless MARMION.-- + The days of chivalry are gone, + Dispraisers of the present say, + Yet men arm still for party fray + As fierce as foray old; + And mail is donned, and steel is drawn, + And champions challenging at dawn + Ere night lie still and cold. + Two champions here 'midst loud applause, + Have led the lists in a joint cause + On many a tourney morn, + Have fought to vanward in the field + Full many an hour, and, sternly steeled, + One banner forward borne. + And now--ah, well, as DOUGLAS old + On MARMION looked sternly cold, + So looks this Chieftain grey + On his old comrade, though the fight + Is forward now, and many a knight + Is arming for the fray. + As "the demeanour changed and cold + Of DOUGLAS fretted MARMION bold," + Has this old greyhaired Chieftain's chill + Fretted that man of icy will? + Who knows--or cares to know? + At least he "has to learn ere long + That constant mind, and hate of wrong" + Than steely pride are yet more strong; + That shame can strike a blow + At comradeship more fatal far + Than any chance of fateful war + When faction howled with Cerberus throat, + When falsehood struck a felon stroke, + When forgery did its worst + To pull its hated quarry down, + To dim, disarm, degrade, discrown. + Against the array accurst + That ancient chief made gallant head, + Dismayed not, nor disquieted + At rancour's rude assault. + He shared opprobrium undeserved, + But not for that had courage swerved, + Or loyalty made default. + But now? The hand that reared hath razed; + And as old ANGUS stood amazed + At WILTON's shameful tale, + So fealty here must bend the brow, + And faith, though sorely tried, till now + Surviving, faint and fail; + As DOUGLAS round him drew his cloak, + So, saddened by unknightly stroke, + The ancient chief must draw; + Nor in mere pharisaic scorn, + But in the name of faith foresworn + And honour's broken law. + + "'Tis pity of him, too!" 'Twas so, + The half-relenting ANGUS, low + Spake in his snowy beard. + "Bold can he speak, and fairly ride: + I warrant him a warrior tried." + A foeman to be feared, + A leader to be trusted, seemed + This dark, cold chief, and few had dreamed + Of such strange severance. + And any not ignoble eye + In sorrow more than mockery + Aside will gladly glance. + 'Tis pity of it! Right or wrong, + The Cause needs champions true as strong, + And blameless as they're bold. + "A sinful heart makes feeble hand," + Cried MARMION, his "failing brand" + Cursing with lips grown cold. + Let vulgar venom triumph here, + And hate, itself from shame not clear, + Make haste to hurl the stone; + A nobler foe will stand aside, + And more in sorrow than in pride, + Not hot to harry or deride, + Like DOUGLAS in his halls abide, + But keep his hand--his own! + + * * * * * + +FROM A THEATRICAL CORRESPONDENT.--Sir,--I know a lot about London +and N.B., but never till now did I know of the existence of 'ARRY +in Scotland. The character is now represented, as I am informed, +on the stage, by Mr. BEERBOHM TREE, who, in a play called _Back_, +impersonates the MAC ARRY. Odd, this! for the McCOCKNIE. P.S.--One +lives and learns. [*** If McCOCKNIE is to learn much, he will have to +become a McMETHUSELAH. The piece to which he alludes is _Called Back_, +by HUGH CONWAY and COMYNS CARR, and the part in it, excellently played +by Mr. TREE, is _Macari_, an Italian.] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "SEPARATISTS." + +Douglas ... Mr. Gl-dst-ne. Marmion ... Mr. P-rn-ll. + +Douglas. "THE HAND OF DOUGLAS IS HIS OWN; AND NEVER SHALL IN FRIENDLY +GRASP THE HAND OF SUCH AS MARMION CLASP!"--_Marmion_, Canto VI.] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A LORD OF THE ADMIRALTY VERY MUCH AT SEA. + +(_AN INCIDENT OF MR. ASHMEAD-BARTLETT'S RECENT TOUR IN IRELAND._) + +_Mr. A.B._ "WHY PAT, MY LAD, I SEE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN OF HERE. THESE +POTATOES ARE REMARKABLY FINE!" + +_Pat_. "BEDAD, SOR, BUT THEY'RE NOT PRATIES AT ALL, AT ALL. SHURE, +IT'S THE TURNIPS YOUR HONOUR'S LOOKING AT!"] + + * * * * * + +PARS ABOUT PICTURES. + +"The Royal Society of Painters in Water-Colours?" said young PAR. +"Nonsense! why all the water is frozen now, and so they can't paint!" +"Precisely," replied I; "and that's why it is a nice exhibition!" +This so startled Young PAR that he slipped and fell. I turned into +the Gallery in Pall Mall, and left him sitting on the cold hard flags +outside. Inside pleasant enough. BIRKET FOSTER's "_Island of Rum_" +very comforting--should like some hot. HERBERT MARSHALL--our own +City MARSHALL--has gone further afield, to "_Old Chelsea_." Should +now be called the Field MAR SHALL. MATTHEW HALE, in "_Gathering +Blackberries_," is a hail fellow well met! "_The Corso, Verona_," by +S.J. HODSON, shows that HODSON's choice is a good one. HENRY MOORE's +sea-pieces--the more the merrier, say I. "_Warkworth--Sunlit Shower_," +by A.W. HUNT: a walk worth taking when the hunt is up. "_Holidays Past +and Future_," suggests wide subjects and open spaces. Why, then, is +it painted by SMALLFIELD? "_Wreck of the Halswell_," is a terrible +catastrophe. Can't be "All's Well." Possibly the painter, G.H. +ANDREWS, means "all swell"--that seems a great deal more likely. +ALBERT GOODWIN shows himself to be a good winner in the "_Ponte +Vecchio, Florence_." DU MAURIER delights us with some clever Society +sketches in pen and pencil. The veteran, Sir JOHN GILBERT, is as +young, as dashing, as vigorous as ever. H.G. GLINDONI has two pictures +full of humour and character. STACY MARKS' "_Cockatoo_" looks as if +it had just flown in from the Zoo. "_Au Sgarnach_," by C.B. PHILLIP. +Title difficult to understand. Landscape easy to comprehend. A close +study of Nature, admirably painted. A wholesome Phillippic against +namby-pamby prettiness. "_On the Thames_," by G.A. FRIPP, honestly +painted, and no frippery about it. Miss CLARA MONTALBA has a large +number of pictures of Venice--and Mr. RIDGE comes up and says he is +the Keeper. What Keeper? He whispers, he is the Keeper of the Cold +Out--What an oridginal remark!--and will I step into the Committee +Room? I do, and remain there, and continue to be + +Yours par-adoxically, OLD PAR. + + * * * * * + +ROBERT AT THE HOPERA. + +I was habel the other day to do BROWN a good turn by getting him +engaged at won of our big Otels, so he kindly offerd to stand a +supper, and then take me to the Hopera at Common Garden. We went to +see _Horfay_. + +It seems that wunce upon a time, ever so many thowsand years ago, +before there was not no Lord Mares, nor no Shirryffs, nor not ewen +no Aldermen, a Gent of the name of _Horfay_ lived in Grease. He was +the werry grandest Fiddler of his time, a regler JOEY KIM. Well, he +married a werry bewtiful wife, of the name of _Yourridisee_, and they +was both werry appy, till one day, as she was a having a run in a +field, a norrid serpent bit her in her heel; so she died. Well, while +poor _Mr. Horfay_ is a telling us all about his trubbel, in comes a +werry bewtiful young lady with a pair of most bewtiful wings on, and +she werry kindly gives him a new sort of magic Fiddle, called, as I +was told, A Liar! to go to--go down to _you kno where_, to git his +wife back! Off he goes, and the neks sean shows us the werry plaice, +all filled with savidges, and demons, and snakes, and things; and +presently, when _Mr. Horfay_ is seen a cumming down, all the demons +and savidges runs at him to stop him; but he holds up the Liar, and +begins for to sing, and most bewtifully too, tho' I didn't kno the +tune; they all makes way for him, and he gos bang into lots of big +flames, and so I werry naterally thort as how it was all over. But +not a bit of it, for in the werry next sean we sees him with his Liar +in a most lovly garden, all full of most lovly flowers and trees, and +numbers of bewtiful ladies, a dancing and enjoying theirselves like +fun, until his Liar leads him rite up to his wife, and then he raps +harf his scarf round her, and off they gos together, both on 'em +dowtless a longing for a reel nupshal kiss, but poor _Mr. Horfay_ not +a daring for to look at her, becoz if he does before he gets her home, +she will be ded again direckly! Was there hever such a tanterlising +case ever known! When she sings to him to give her one loving look, +he sings to her to say he mustn't, until at larst she sets down on a +nice cumferel-looking sofy, as appens for to be in the werry middel of +the street, and says, werry artfully, as she carn't go not one step +farther, when in course he turns round, and rushes up to her to have +one fond embrace, and, thank goodness, they has it, and then she falls +back dead! + +Well, now, I knos as I'm ony a mere Hed Waiter, and, therefore, not +xpected to have any werry fine feelings, like my betters has, but + +I do declare that, when I saw this sad, sad end to all that grand +amount of reel true Love, the tears run down my cheeks like rain, and +I was a getting up to go away, when presently in came the lovly angel +again, whose name I was told was Love, and told him that such love +as his could conker Death itself; and she brort the pore wife to life +again, and all hended, as all things shood end, jovial, and cumferal, +and happy. What a wunderful thing is Music! It didn't seem at all +strange to me that not one single word was spoke all the heavening, +but ewery word sung, and in a forren tung, too, that I didn't +hunderstand, the bewtiful story kep my atention fixt the hole time, +and I warked home in the poring rain, werry thankful, and jest a +leetle prowd, that in one thing, at least, I was not xacly like BROWN, +who slept carm and content thro the hole of the larst hact. + +ROBERT. + + * * * * * + +THE FATE OF SALVATION ARMY GENERALS. + + "Each General is, by a deed of appointment, executed and + placed in safe custody with certain formalities, &c."--_Gen. + Booth's Letter to the Times, Nov._ 27. + +This is dreadful! Why should the Generals be executed? What have they +done to deserve this cruel fate? And what is the use of placing them +in safe custody _after_ they have been executed? And what are the +"certain formalities"? We pause for a reply to all these questions. + + * * * * * + +SEASONABLE.--CHRISTMAS IS COMING.--In the _Morning Post_, one day last +week, appeared an announcement to the effect that Madame NOËL had +left one residence in the West End for another in the same quarter. +Odd this, just now. But go where she will, _Le bon père_ NOËL will be +in London and the country on the 25th instant; so the best way is to +prepare to receive Father Christmas. + + * * * * * + +SO-HO, THERE!--Some persons think that the proper place for "The +Pelican" ought still to be--the wilderness. + + * * * * * + +NOVELTY.--Quartette for three players--"Whist! the Dumby Man!" + + * * * * * + +EDUCATIONAL WORK (BY C.S. P-RN-LL).--_The Crammer's Guide to +Politics_. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: IRISH ACTORS IN AMERICA.] + + * * * * * + +A DRESS DRAMA. + +(BY A PERPLEXED PLAYWRIGHT.) + + I've got myself into a horrible mess, + Of that there can be no manner of doubt, + And my forehead is aching, because I've been making + A desperate effort to get myself out, + And I'm given away, so it seemeth to me, + Like a threepenny vase with a pound of tea. + + I promised an actress to write her a play, + With herself, of course, in the leading part, + With abundance of bathos paraded as pathos, + And a gallery death of a broken heart-- + It's a capital plan, I find, to try + To arrange a part where the audience cry. + + So I quickly think of a beautiful plot, + The interest ne'er for an instant flags; + The sorrowful ending is almost heart-rending, + As the heroine comes on in tatters and rags. + It is better than aught I have thought of before, + And will certainly run for a twelvemonth or more. + + Yet, alas! for my prospect of glory and gain, + She has strangled my play at its moment of birth, + For now she has written to say she is smitten + With the newest designs and creations of WORTH, + And to quote her own words--"As a matter of fact, + I've a couple of costumes for every act." + + Then there follows a list of the things she has bought, + Though I'm puzzled indeed as to what it may mean. + She is painfully pat in her jargon of satin, + Alpaca, nun's veiling, tulle, silk, grenadine, + And she asks me to say if I honestly think + She should die in pearl-grey, golden-brown, or shrimp-pink? + + So here I am left in this pitiful plight. + With nothing but dresses, what _am_ I to do? + For I haven't a notion what kind of emotion + Is suited to coral or proper for blue; + And if, when she faints, but they think she is dead, + Old-gold or sea-green would be better than red. + + Will crushed strawberry do for an afternoon call? + For the evening would salmon or olive be right? + May a charming young fellow embrace her in yellow? + Must she sorrow in black? Must I wed her in white? + Till, dazed and bewildered, my eyesight grows dim, + And my head, throbbing wildly, commences to swim. + + 'Twere folly and madness to try any more, + I know what I'll do--in a letter to-day + I will just tell her plainly how utterly vainly + I've striven and struggled to finish her play; + And then--happy thought!--I will mildly suggest + That she'll find for her purpose BUCHANAN the best. + + I shall now write a play without dresses at all, + A plan, which I'm sure will be perfectly new. + Yet opposed to convention, why merely the mention + Of a thing so immodest will startle a few; + And, although it's a pity, I shrewdly suspect + The Lord Chamberlain might deem it right to object. + + Better still! from the French I will boldly convey + What will be (in two senses) the talk of the town. + You insist on a moral? Well, pray do not quarrel + With the one that I now for your guidance lay down, + That of excellent maxims this isn't the worst-- + _Let the play, not the dresses, be settled the first!_ + + * * * * * + +SOMETHING IN A NAME.--What a happily appropriate name for the Chief +Magistrate of so fashionable a watering-place as Brighton is Mr. +SOPER! Whether he is soft SOPER, or Hard SOPER, or Scented SOPER, it +matters not; it is only a pity that after his year of office, if the +Brightonian Bathers can spare him, he should not be transferred to +Windsor. Old Windsor SOPER--what a splendid title for the Mayor of the +Royal town! No doubt he will show himself active and energetic during +his Mayoralty, and that at Brighton henceforth a totally opposite +meaning from the ordinary one will be given to the description of a +speech as "a SOPER-ific." At east, it is 'oped so, for the sake of +SOPER. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: EXPERIENTIA DOCET. + +"AND ARE _YOU_ GOING TO GIVE ME SOMETHING FOR MY BIRTHDAY, AUNTY +MAUD?" + +"OF COURSE, DARLING." + +"THEN _DON'T_ LET IT BE _SOMETHING USEFUL!_"] + + * * * * * + +ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. + +EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. + +_House of Commons, Tuesday Night, November 25_.--New Session opened +to-day. Remarkable gathering of Members in the Lords to hear Queen's +Speech read. Unusual excitement, though heroically restrained in +presence of LORD CHANCELLOR, supported on Woolsack by four figures +in red cloaks and cocked hats, borrowed for occasion from Madame +Tussaud's. HALSBURY lost his temper once when Commission being read. +Tussaud's man, sent down to work the figures--make them take off their +cocked hats and nod upon cue being given by Reading Clerk--was on +duty for first time; much interested in arrival of Commons at the Bar; +instead of lying low behind Woolsack and minding his business, kept +poking his head round to peer forth on scene. At last, LORD CHANCELLOR +in hoarse whisper threatened to send him to Clock Tower if he didn't +behave properly. + +After this all went well; figures bringing their right elbow up with a +jerk, took off their hats at precisely right moment, and replaced them +without a hitch. They were labelled "Lord LATHOM," "Earl of COVENTRY," +"Lord BROWNLOW," and "Lord KNUTSFORD." LORD CHANCELLOR sat in the +middle. The ladies on floor of House watched them with much interest. + +"Such _dear_ old things," said one, when the figure labelled "Earl of +COVENTRY" cleverly pretended to sneeze. "I wish they'd do it all over +again; but I suppose the springs have run down." + +In the Commons, everyone on the look out for PARNELL. What would he +do? Where would he sit? What would he say? Or, would he come at all? +Nobody knew. Some suspected last guess most probable. Towards Three +o'Clock whisper went round that he was here. SARK had seen him +crossing Lobby, with green spectacles and umbrella, and his hair died +crimson. Was now in room with Irish Party, arranging about Leadership. +Understood before House met that he was to retire from Leadership till +fumes from Divorce Court had passed away. Then alliance between Home +Rulers and Liberals would go on as before, and all would be well. +Ministerialists downcast at this prospect; Liberals chirpy; a great +difficulty avoided. Soon be in smooth water again. + +Waiting in House for business to commence. SPEAKER away for cause that +saddens everyone; COURTNEY to take the Chair at Four o'Clock; meeting +of Irish Members still going forward. When business concluded, PARNELL +would quietly walk out; they would take their places, and things +would go on as if no one had ever heard of Eltham, of alarums and +excursions, of exits by fire-escapes, and entrances by back doors. + +Thinking of these things, I was standing by Sergeant-at-Arms' chair; +heard a scuffling noise behind; looked round, and lo! there was +PARNELL entering House by Distinguished Strangers' Gallery, descending +by swarming down the end pillar, which supports Gallery from floor of +House. + +"Good gracious!" I cried. "What are you doing?" + +"I'm catching the last post," said PARNELL, smiling blandly, as, +reaching the floor, he unclasped arms and legs from the pillar and +quietly walked over to his ordinary place as if this were the usual +way of an Hon. Member approaching his seat. + +Direful news rapidly spread. PARNELL not going to retire from +Leadership! On contrary, meant to stay, ignoring little events brought +to light in the Divorce Court. Ministerialists jubilant; Liberals +depressed; the whole situation changed; prospects of Liberal +supremacy, so certain yesterday, suddenly blighted; talk of Mr. G. +retiring from the fray; spoke on Address just now, but no fight +left in him; the Opposition wrung out like a damp cloth; even GEORGE +CAMPBELL dumb, and Dr. CLARK indefinitely postponed Amendment long +threatened. By ten o'clock the whole thing had flickered out. Address, +which of late has taken three weeks to pass, agreed to in three hours. + +[Illustration: Up a Tree.] + +Mr. G. went off as soon as OLD MORALITY had finished his modest +speech. Walked with him across the Park to Carlton Terrace. Haven't +seen him to speak to since Midlothian. What a change! Then elate, +confident, energetic, tingling with life to his finger-ends; to-night +shrunken, limp, despondent, almost heart-broken. + +"Don't you think, Sir," I said, "that, after to-day's experience, Home +Rule has a new terror? You remember how, seven or eight years ago, the +Irish Members used to stand up in the House and personally vilify you. +Then, when you came round to their side, the very same men beslabbered +you with fulsome adulation. Now, when there is another parting of +the ways, when you pit yourself, your authority, and your character, +against their chosen Leader, they rudely turn their backs on you, +and tell you to mind your own business. How'll it be, do you think, +when you've finally served their purpose, and made possible the +accomplishment of their aim? When you have made them Masters in +Dublin, will they care any more for the views and prejudices of you +and your Liberal Party than they have done to-day?" + +"TOBY, dear boy," said Mr. G., "you're a young dog yet. When you come +to my age, you'll have learned that there is no gratitude in politics. +But we won't talk of it any more. I'm a little tired to-night." + +So we walked in silence up the steps, by the Duke of YORK's Column. + +_Business done_.--Address agreed to. Mr. P. flouts Mr. G. + +_Thursday_.--House up at twenty minutes to Six, having got through +rattling lot of business. Prince ARTHUR been sailing up and down +floor, bringing in Land Bills and Railway Bills. HICKS-BEACH depressed +with legacy of Tithes Bill. + +"Cheer up, BEACH," says CRANBORNE, tugging at his moustache à la +GRANDOLPH; "you may depend upon me. Keep your eye on your young +friend, and he will pull you through." + +"Thank you," said BEACH, with something more than his customary +effusive manner. + +JACKSON toying round the table, packing and unpacking papers, looking +at his watch and the clock, vaguely whistling, and absently rubbing +his hands. + +"What's the matter?" I asked. "You seem out of sorts." + +[Illustration: Mr. P-rn-ll turns his Back on Public Opinion.] + +"Matter!" he cried. "Why, twenty minutes to Six is the matter, +and here's all the work done and the House up. It's absolutely +demoralising; portends something uncanny. On Tuesday we got through +the Address in a single short sitting; yesterday, after meeting at +noon, had to adjourn for three hours and a half; filled up remainder +of time with bringing in Bills; To-day we have an Irish Land Bill +brought in and read a First Time, after a Debate confined to SAGE +OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE, and WILFRID LAWSON. Nothing like it seen for +sixteen years. If this kind of thing goes on, you know, we'll get all +the work of the Session done in three months, and perhaps done better +than when it took nine. It's the suddenness that knocks me over, TOBY. +They ought to be more considerate, and begin more gently." + +Great commotion in Irish circles. Scene slightly shifted. It seems +that Irish Members in re-electing PARNELL on Tuesday, thought he would +relieve them of difficulty by forthwith resigning. Mr. P. doesn't +take that view; thinks it would be rude, after having been unanimously +elected, to appear to undervalue such remarkable, spontaneous act of +confidence; doesn't care a rap for public opinion. + +"_J'y suis, et j'y reste_," he says, smiling sweetly round the table, +where his friends forlornly sit. + +"Begorra!" says Mr. O'KEEF, indignantly, "it's bad enough to have him +ruining us and the counthry, without using blasphaymious language." + +_Business done_.--Everything on the paper. + +[Illustration: "Bless-you-my-child!"] + +_Friday Night_.--Louis JENNINGS made capital speech to-night on +Motion challenging commutation of certain perpetual pensions. Seems, +among other little jobs, we, the tax-payers of Great Britain, with +Income-tax at sixpence in the pound, have been paying pension of +£2,000 a year to descendant of the late ELLEN GWYNNE. Select Committee +appointed by present Government to consider whole matter, recommended +that no pension should be commuted at rate so high as twenty-seven +years' purchase. JOKIM, generous with other people's money, flies in +face of recommendation, and comfortably rounds off one or two of these +little jobs with gratuity of twenty-seven years' purchase. Cheerful to +hear this sort of thing denounced in breezy fashion from Conservative +Benches. JENNINGS, amid loud cheers, hits straight out from the +shoulder. WALTER FOSTER quite delighted. "Bless you, my child," +he says, "you ought to belong to the Radical Party." _Business +done_.--Agreed that, up to Christmas, Government shall have all the +time. + + * * * * * + +CHRISTMAS CARDS.--"Here we are again!" as they come tumbling in, fresh +from the hands of the publishers, HILDESHEIMER AND FAULKNER. More +artistic than ever! + + * * * * * + +A NEW BANK OF ENGLAND NOTE.--"The force o' this 'ere observation lies +in the Barings of it."--_Cap'en Cuttle adapted_. + + * * * * * + +PROBABLE PUBLICATION.--_Correct to a Shade_. (A book of ghostly +counsel.) By the Author of _Betrayed by a Shadow_. + + * * * * * + +WORLDLY-WISE MOTTO FOR THE WRANGLERS ABOUT "DARKEST AFRICA."--"Keep it +Dark!" + + * * * * * + +ANGLO-FRENCH MOTTO FOR A THOROUGHLY RAINY DAY.--"_Pour Toujours._" + + * * * * * + +A JOURNALISTIC CITY.--Pressburg. + + * * * * * + +NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., +Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no +case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed +Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. +99., December 6, 1890, by Various + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12739 *** |