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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:35:59 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:35:59 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/11095-0.txt b/11095-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..122d061 --- /dev/null +++ b/11095-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,293 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11095 *** + +[Illustration: Front Cover] + + + +FUN & NONSENSE + +By Willard Bonte + + + + +[Illustration: Frontispiece] + +[Illustration: By Willard Bonte] + + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + + Fun and Nonsense are a pair + Of merry little twins, + And when they come to visit us + They bring their friends, the Grins. + + They're coming now to visit you. + This page we'll call the door. + To open wide, just turn the leaf. + Why, we have met before! + +[Illustration: Introduction] + + + + +THE BARBER + + + Said Chocolate Drop the Barber, + "Why, bless my ugly soul! + I'll ask that stick of peppermint + To be my Barber pole." + +[Illustration: The Barber] + + + + +THE REFUSAL + + + "Dear, sweet Lady Cracker, + My passions you know." + "And I scorn them, Judge Wafer, + As you're lacking in dough." + +[Illustration: The Refusal] + + + + +A HOPELESS CASE + + + "What is the use?" quoth the Whitewash Brush, + "I'll comb my hair no more; + For try as I will to make it lie, + It still stays pompadour." + +[Illustration: A Hopeless Case] + + + + +THE GREENHORN + + + A lettuce walking out one day, + Lost his head, so lost his way; + A Pumpkin happened on the scene, + And said it came from being green. + +[Illustration: The Greenhorn] + + + + +OLD MR. MATCH + + + Old Mr. Match gave his head a good scratch, + And his face lighted up with a smile; + "It is getting quite dark, but with my cheery spark + I will lengthen the day for awhile." + +[Illustration: Old Mr. Match] + + + + +THOUGHTS UNSTRUNG + + + "Alas! I fear my mind doth wander. + As o'er this narrative I ponder; + I usually know what I have read, + But this time I have lost the Thread." + +[Illustration: Thoughts Unstrung] + + + + +THE MISER + + + The Pocketbook has money, + On that subject he is daft; + But when one strikes him for a loan + He answers, "I am strapped." + +[Illustration: The Miser] + + + + +DR. KEY'S ANSWER + + + "Shine?" inquired the Monkey Wrench + Of Stately Doctor Key; + "No!" replied that haughty soul. + "No Monkey-shines for me." + +[Illustration: Dr. Key's Answer] + + + + +THE CHASE + + + Mr. Brush on his steed, dashing with speed, + Was asked if he had time to spare; + Said he, with a smile, "I'll be back in a while, + But at present I'm hunting the hair." + +[Illustration: The Chase] + + + + +A RISING DOCTOR + + + "Dr. Yeast-Cake, it's hard for me to speak, + As I haven't risen for more than a week." + "Take this, Mr. Roll, and never you fear; + You'll rise before morning, so be of good cheer." + +[Illustration: A Rising Doctor] + + + + +THE SAILOR BOLD + + + Pilot Von Pretzel's a crusty old salt + Who wears a rich shade of tan; + Which he did not acquire at sea, by the way, + But in a warm baking-pan. + +[Illustration: The Sailor Bold] + + + + +OVERHEARD IN THE CORN-FIELD + + + Said young Mr. Pumpkin, + To old Mr. Squash, + "Do you think Mr. Corn overhears + What we say when we talk + Of his self-conscious stalk, + And his moving Miss Melon to tears?" + + "I cannot decide," + Mr. Squash then replied, + "But I've had my suspicions for years; + Because he's so tall + He can lean over all; + Then look at the size of his ears." + +[Illustration: Overheard in the Corn-field] + + + + +TWINS + + + "There go the Scissor twins. + Cutting as ever. + Some think them sharp. + But few think them clever." + +[Illustration: Twins] + + + + +A SHARP LOVER + + + "I dread you much, my little miss, + You're such a dainty thing, + I fear although quite sharp myself, + You've got me on the string." + +[Illustration: A Sharp Lover] + + + + +THE GREEDY LITTLE PITCHERS + + + "Now, my pretty little dears, + Little Pitchers have big ears; + But never let me hear it said + That your mouths are big instead." + +[Illustration: The Greedy Little Pitchers] + + + + +OBLIGING MR. HAMMER + + + Old Mr. Hammer + Was so very, very good, + That he gave Mr. Shingle Nail + A drive through the wood. + +[Illustration: Obliging Mr. Hammer] + + + + +THE MALICIOUS BRUSH + + + When poor little Hand-Glass + Was loudly berated + For casting reflections, + The Brush was elated. + +[Illustration: The Malicious Brush] + + + + +THE WISE PEN + + + There was a Pen in our town + And he was wondrous wise; + He knew just when to cross his T's + And when to dot his I's; + But one small thing he did not know, + A simple thing at that; + He did not know 'twas nice to wipe + His feet off, on the mat. + +[Illustration: The Wise Pen] + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fun and Nonsense, by Willard Bonte + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11095 *** diff --git a/11095-h.zip b/11095-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..980ae00 --- /dev/null +++ b/11095-h.zip diff --git a/11095-h/11095-h.htm b/11095-h/11095-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fcfb53c --- /dev/null +++ b/11095-h/11095-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1271 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content= + "text/html; charset=us-ascii"> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Fun and Nonsense, by Willard + Bonte. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times;} + P { margin-left: 1em; + margin-top: .75em; + font-size: 18pt; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; } + HR { width: 33%; } + PRE { font-family: Courier, monospaced; } + CENTER { font-size: 18pt; } + // --> + </style> + </head> + <body bgcolor="#D3CDB4"> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Fun and Nonsense, by Willard Bonte + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Fun and Nonsense + +Author: Willard Bonte + +Release Date: February 15, 2004 [EBook #11095] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUN AND NONSENSE *** + + + + +Produced by The Internet Archive Children's Library, David Garcia and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + + <!-- NOTE THAT BG COLOR IS MATCHED TO IMAGES --> + <center> + <img src="fn-cover.jpg" height="543" width="400" border="1" + alt="Front Cover"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h1> + Fun & Nonsense + </h1> + <center> + <b>By Willard Bonte</b> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <center> + <img src="fn-fpice.jpg" height="522" width="400" alt= + "Frontispiece"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <center> + <div style="background-color: #d3cdb4; width: 70%;"> + <p> + + </p><img src="fn-fpttl.png" height="421" width="320" + alt="By Willard Bronte"><br> + H.M. Caldwell Company<br> + New York and Boston + <p> + + </p> + </div> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <center> + <img src="fn-11ill.png" height="158" width="150" alt= + "Copyright 1904 by H.M. Caldwell"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <hr style="width: 90%;"> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <center> + <a href="#INT">INTRODUCTION</a> + </center> + <table width="100%" align="center" summary="" border="0"> + <tr> + <td> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_1">THE BARBER</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_2">THE REFUSAL</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_3">A HOPELESS CASE</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_4">THE GREENHORN</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_5">OLD MR. MATCH</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_6">THOUGHTS UNSTRUNG</a> + </p> + </td> + <td> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_7">THE MISER</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_8">DR. KEY'S ANSWER</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_9">THE CHASE</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_10">A RISING DOCTOR</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_11">THE SAILOR BOLD</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_12">OVERHEARD IN THE CORN-FIELD</a> + </p> + </td> + <td> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_13">TWINS</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_14">A SHARP LOVER</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_15">THE GREEDY LITTLE PITCHERS</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_16">OBLIGING MR. HAMMER</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_17">THE MALICIOUS BRUSH</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_18">THE WISE PEN</a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <hr style="width: 90%;"> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="INT"><!-- INT --></a> + <h2> + INTRODUCTION + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-intro.png" height="367" width="320" alt= + "Introduction"> + </center> + <center> + Fun and Nonsense are a pair<br> + Of merry little twins,<br> + And when they come to visit us<br> + They bring their friends, the Grins.<br> + <br> + They're coming now to visit you.<br> + This page we'll call the door.<br> + To open wide, just turn the leaf.<br> + Why, we have met before! + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_1"><!-- RULE4 1 --></a> + <h2> + THE BARBER + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-13ill.jpg" height="518" width="400" alt= + "The Barber"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Said Chocolate Drop the Barber,<br> + "Why, bless my ugly soul!<br> + I'll ask that stick of peppermint<br> + To be my Barber pole." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-14ill.jpg" height="506" width="400" alt= + "The Barber"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_2"><!-- RULE4 2 --></a> + <h2> + THE REFUSAL + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-15ill.jpg" height="520" width="400" alt= + "The Refusal"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "Dear, sweet Lady Cracker,<br> + My passions you know."<br> + "And I scorn them, Judge Wafer,<br> + As you're lacking in dough." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-16ill.jpg" height="506" width="400" alt= + "The Refusal"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_3"><!-- RULE4 3 --></a> + <h2> + A HOPELESS CASE + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-17ill.jpg" height="517" width="400" alt= + "A Hopeless Case"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "What is the use?" quoth the Whitewash Brush,<br> + "I'll comb my hair no more;<br> + For try as I will to make it lie,<br> + It still stays pompadour." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-18ill.jpg" height="509" width="400" alt= + "A Hopeless Case"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_4"><!-- RULE4 4 --></a> + <h2> + THE GREENHORN + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-19ill.jpg" height="522" width="400" alt= + "The Greenhorn"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + A lettuce walking out one day,<br> + Lost his head, so lost his way;<br> + A Pumpkin happened on the scene,<br> + And said it came from being green. + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-20ill.jpg" height="509" width="400" alt= + "The Greenhorn"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_5"><!-- RULE4 5 --></a> + <h2> + OLD MR. MATCH + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-21ill.jpg" height="521" width="400" alt= + "Old Mr. Match"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Old Mr. Match gave his head a good scratch,<br> + And his face lighted up with a smile;<br> + "It is getting quite dark, but with my cheery spark<br> + I will lengthen the day for awhile." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-22ill.jpg" height="515" width="400" alt= + "Old Mr. Match"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_6"><!-- RULE4 6 --></a> + <h2> + THOUGHTS UNSTRUNG + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-23ill.jpg" height="520" width="400" alt= + "Thoughts Unstrung"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "Alas! I fear my mind doth wander.<br> + As o'er this narrative I ponder;<br> + I usually know what I have read,<br> + But this time I have lost the Thread." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-24ill.jpg" height="511" width="400" alt= + "Thoughts Unstrung"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_7"><!-- RULE4 7 --></a> + <h2> + THE MISER + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-25ill.jpg" height="518" width="400" alt= + "The Miser"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + The Pocketbook has money,<br> + On that subject he is daft;<br> + But when one strikes him for a loan<br> + He answers, "I am strapped." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-26ill.jpg" height="508" width="400" alt= + "The Miser"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_8"><!-- RULE4 8 --></a> + <h2> + DR. KEY'S ANSWER + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-27ill.jpg" height="521" width="400" alt= + "Dr. Key's answer"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "Shine?" inquired the Monkey Wrench<br> + Of Stately Doctor Key;<br> + "No!" replied that haughty soul.<br> + "No Monkey-shines for me." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-28ill.jpg" height="509" width="400" alt= + "Dr. Key's answer"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_9"><!-- RULE4 9 --></a> + <h2> + THE CHASE + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-29ill.jpg" height="518" width="400" alt= + "The Chase"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Mr. Brush on his steed, dashing with speed,<br> + Was asked if he had time to spare;<br> + Said he, with a smile, "I'll be back in a while,<br> + But at present I'm hunting the hair." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-30ill.jpg" height="509" width="400" alt= + "The Chase"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_10"><!-- RULE4 10 --></a> + <h2> + A RISING DOCTOR + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-31ill.jpg" height="520" width="400" alt= + "A Rising Doctor"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "Dr. Yeast-Cake, it's hard for me to speak,<br> + As I haven't risen for more than a week."<br> + "Take this, Mr. Roll, and never you fear;<br> + You'll rise before morning, so be of good cheer." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-32ill.jpg" height="507" width="400" alt= + "A Rising Doctor"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_11"><!-- RULE4 11 --></a> + <h2> + THE SAILOR BOLD + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-33ill.jpg" height="521" width="400" alt= + "The Sailor Bold"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Pilot Von Pretzel's a crusty old salt<br> + Who wears a rich shade of tan;<br> + Which he did not acquire at sea, by the way,<br> + But in a warm baking-pan. + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-34ill.jpg" height="510" width="400" alt= + "The Sailor Bold"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_12"><!-- RULE4 12 --></a> + <h2> + OVERHEARD IN THE CORN-FIELD + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-35ill.jpg" height="520" width="400" alt= + "Overheard in the Corn-Field"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Said young Mr. Pumpkin,<br> + To old Mr. Squash,<br> + "Do you think Mr. Corn overhears<br> + What we say when we talk<br> + Of his self-conscious stalk,<br> + And his moving Miss Melon to tears?"<br> + <br> + "I cannot decide,"<br> + Mr. Squash then replied,<br> + "But I've had my suspicions for years;<br> + Because he's so tall<br> + He can lean over all;<br> + Then look at the size of his ears." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-36ill.jpg" height="510" width="400" alt= + "Overheard in the Corn-Field"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_13"><!-- RULE4 13 --></a> + <h2> + TWINS + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-37ill.jpg" height="520" width="400" alt="Twins"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "There go the Scissor twins.<br> + Cutting as ever.<br> + Some think them sharp.<br> + But few think them clever." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-38ill.jpg" height="512" width="400" alt="Twins"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_14"><!-- RULE4 14 --></a> + <h2> + A SHARP LOVER + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-39ill.jpg" height="519" width="400" alt= + "A Sharp Lover"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "I dread you much, my little miss,<br> + You're such a dainty thing,<br> + I fear although quite sharp myself,<br> + You've got me on the string." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-40ill.jpg" height="512" width="400" alt= + "A Sharp Lover"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_15"><!-- RULE4 15 --></a> + <h2> + THE GREEDY LITTLE PITCHERS + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-41ill.jpg" height="522" width="400" alt= + "The Greedy Little Pitchers"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "Now, my pretty little dears,<br> + Little Pitchers have big ears;<br> + But never let me hear it said<br> + That your mouths are big instead." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-42ill.jpg" height="509" width="400" alt= + "The Greedy Little Pitchers"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_16"><!-- RULE4 16 --></a> + <h2> + OBLIGING MR. HAMMER + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-43ill.jpg" height="518" width="400" alt= + "Obliging Mr. Hammer"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Old Mr. Hammer<br> + Was so very, very good,<br> + That he gave Mr. Shingle Nail<br> + A drive through the wood. + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-44ill.jpg" height="506" width="400" alt= + "Obliging Mr. Hammer"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_17"><!-- RULE4 17 --></a> + <h2> + THE MALICIOUS BRUSH + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-45ill.jpg" height="519" width="400" alt= + "The Malicious Brush"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + When poor little Hand-Glass<br> + Was loudly berated<br> + For casting reflections,<br> + The Brush was elated. + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-46ill.jpg" height="513" width="400" alt= + "The Malicious Brush"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_18"><!-- RULE4 18 --></a> + <h2> + THE WISE PEN + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-47ill.jpg" height="521" width="400" alt= + "The Wise Pen"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + There was a Pen in our town<br> + And he was wondrous wise;<br> + He knew just when to cross his T's<br> + And when to dot his I's;<br> + But one small thing he did not know,<br> + A simple thing at that;<br> + He did not know 'twas nice to wipe<br> + His feet off, on the mat. + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-48ill.jpg" height="510" width="400" alt= + "The Wise Pen"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <center> + <img src="fn-exeun.png" height="136" width="200" alt=""> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fun and Nonsense, by Willard Bonte + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUN AND NONSENSE *** + +***** This file should be named 11095-h.htm or 11095-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/0/9/11095/ + +Produced by The Internet Archive Children's Library, David Garcia and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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b/11095-h/fn-intro.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..db25dae --- /dev/null +++ b/11095-h/fn-intro.png diff --git a/11095.txt b/11095.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..28c1647 --- /dev/null +++ b/11095.txt @@ -0,0 +1,715 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Fun and Nonsense, by Willard Bonte + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Fun and Nonsense + +Author: Willard Bonte + +Release Date: February 15, 2004 [EBook #11095] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUN AND NONSENSE *** + + + + +Produced by The Internet Archive Children's Library, David Garcia and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +[Illustration: Front Cover] + + + +FUN & NONSENSE + +By Willard Bonte + + + + +[Illustration: Frontispiece] + +[Illustration: By Willard Bonte] + + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + + Fun and Nonsense are a pair + Of merry little twins, + And when they come to visit us + They bring their friends, the Grins. + + They're coming now to visit you. + This page we'll call the door. + To open wide, just turn the leaf. + Why, we have met before! + +[Illustration: Introduction] + + + + +THE BARBER + + + Said Chocolate Drop the Barber, + "Why, bless my ugly soul! + I'll ask that stick of peppermint + To be my Barber pole." + +[Illustration: The Barber] + + + + +THE REFUSAL + + + "Dear, sweet Lady Cracker, + My passions you know." + "And I scorn them, Judge Wafer, + As you're lacking in dough." + +[Illustration: The Refusal] + + + + +A HOPELESS CASE + + + "What is the use?" quoth the Whitewash Brush, + "I'll comb my hair no more; + For try as I will to make it lie, + It still stays pompadour." + +[Illustration: A Hopeless Case] + + + + +THE GREENHORN + + + A lettuce walking out one day, + Lost his head, so lost his way; + A Pumpkin happened on the scene, + And said it came from being green. + +[Illustration: The Greenhorn] + + + + +OLD MR. MATCH + + + Old Mr. Match gave his head a good scratch, + And his face lighted up with a smile; + "It is getting quite dark, but with my cheery spark + I will lengthen the day for awhile." + +[Illustration: Old Mr. Match] + + + + +THOUGHTS UNSTRUNG + + + "Alas! I fear my mind doth wander. + As o'er this narrative I ponder; + I usually know what I have read, + But this time I have lost the Thread." + +[Illustration: Thoughts Unstrung] + + + + +THE MISER + + + The Pocketbook has money, + On that subject he is daft; + But when one strikes him for a loan + He answers, "I am strapped." + +[Illustration: The Miser] + + + + +DR. KEY'S ANSWER + + + "Shine?" inquired the Monkey Wrench + Of Stately Doctor Key; + "No!" replied that haughty soul. + "No Monkey-shines for me." + +[Illustration: Dr. Key's Answer] + + + + +THE CHASE + + + Mr. Brush on his steed, dashing with speed, + Was asked if he had time to spare; + Said he, with a smile, "I'll be back in a while, + But at present I'm hunting the hair." + +[Illustration: The Chase] + + + + +A RISING DOCTOR + + + "Dr. Yeast-Cake, it's hard for me to speak, + As I haven't risen for more than a week." + "Take this, Mr. Roll, and never you fear; + You'll rise before morning, so be of good cheer." + +[Illustration: A Rising Doctor] + + + + +THE SAILOR BOLD + + + Pilot Von Pretzel's a crusty old salt + Who wears a rich shade of tan; + Which he did not acquire at sea, by the way, + But in a warm baking-pan. + +[Illustration: The Sailor Bold] + + + + +OVERHEARD IN THE CORN-FIELD + + + Said young Mr. Pumpkin, + To old Mr. Squash, + "Do you think Mr. Corn overhears + What we say when we talk + Of his self-conscious stalk, + And his moving Miss Melon to tears?" + + "I cannot decide," + Mr. Squash then replied, + "But I've had my suspicions for years; + Because he's so tall + He can lean over all; + Then look at the size of his ears." + +[Illustration: Overheard in the Corn-field] + + + + +TWINS + + + "There go the Scissor twins. + Cutting as ever. + Some think them sharp. + But few think them clever." + +[Illustration: Twins] + + + + +A SHARP LOVER + + + "I dread you much, my little miss, + You're such a dainty thing, + I fear although quite sharp myself, + You've got me on the string." + +[Illustration: A Sharp Lover] + + + + +THE GREEDY LITTLE PITCHERS + + + "Now, my pretty little dears, + Little Pitchers have big ears; + But never let me hear it said + That your mouths are big instead." + +[Illustration: The Greedy Little Pitchers] + + + + +OBLIGING MR. HAMMER + + + Old Mr. Hammer + Was so very, very good, + That he gave Mr. Shingle Nail + A drive through the wood. + +[Illustration: Obliging Mr. Hammer] + + + + +THE MALICIOUS BRUSH + + + When poor little Hand-Glass + Was loudly berated + For casting reflections, + The Brush was elated. + +[Illustration: The Malicious Brush] + + + + +THE WISE PEN + + + There was a Pen in our town + And he was wondrous wise; + He knew just when to cross his T's + And when to dot his I's; + But one small thing he did not know, + A simple thing at that; + He did not know 'twas nice to wipe + His feet off, on the mat. + +[Illustration: The Wise Pen] + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fun and Nonsense, by Willard Bonte + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUN AND NONSENSE *** + +***** This file should be named 11095.txt or 11095.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/0/9/11095/ + +Produced by The Internet Archive Children's Library, David Garcia and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Fun and Nonsense + +Author: Willard Bonte + +Release Date: February 15, 2004 [EBook #11095] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUN AND NONSENSE *** + + + + +Produced by The Internet Archive Children's Library, David Garcia and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + + <!-- NOTE THAT BG COLOR IS MATCHED TO IMAGES --> + <center> + <img src="fn-cover.jpg" height="543" width="400" border="1" + alt="Front Cover"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h1> + Fun & Nonsense + </h1> + <center> + <b>By Willard Bonte</b> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <center> + <img src="fn-fpice.jpg" height="522" width="400" alt= + "Frontispiece"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <center> + <div style="background-color: #d3cdb4; width: 70%;"> + <p> + + </p><img src="fn-fpttl.png" height="421" width="320" + alt="By Willard Bronte"><br> + H.M. Caldwell Company<br> + New York and Boston + <p> + + </p> + </div> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <center> + <img src="fn-11ill.png" height="158" width="150" alt= + "Copyright 1904 by H.M. Caldwell"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <hr style="width: 90%;"> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <center> + <a href="#INT">INTRODUCTION</a> + </center> + <table width="100%" align="center" summary="" border="0"> + <tr> + <td> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_1">THE BARBER</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_2">THE REFUSAL</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_3">A HOPELESS CASE</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_4">THE GREENHORN</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_5">OLD MR. MATCH</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_6">THOUGHTS UNSTRUNG</a> + </p> + </td> + <td> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_7">THE MISER</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_8">DR. KEY'S ANSWER</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_9">THE CHASE</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_10">A RISING DOCTOR</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_11">THE SAILOR BOLD</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_12">OVERHEARD IN THE CORN-FIELD</a> + </p> + </td> + <td> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_13">TWINS</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_14">A SHARP LOVER</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_15">THE GREEDY LITTLE PITCHERS</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_16">OBLIGING MR. HAMMER</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_17">THE MALICIOUS BRUSH</a> + </p> + <p> + <a href="#RULE4_18">THE WISE PEN</a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <hr style="width: 90%;"> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="INT"><!-- INT --></a> + <h2> + INTRODUCTION + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-intro.png" height="367" width="320" alt= + "Introduction"> + </center> + <center> + Fun and Nonsense are a pair<br> + Of merry little twins,<br> + And when they come to visit us<br> + They bring their friends, the Grins.<br> + <br> + They're coming now to visit you.<br> + This page we'll call the door.<br> + To open wide, just turn the leaf.<br> + Why, we have met before! + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_1"><!-- RULE4 1 --></a> + <h2> + THE BARBER + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-13ill.jpg" height="518" width="400" alt= + "The Barber"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Said Chocolate Drop the Barber,<br> + "Why, bless my ugly soul!<br> + I'll ask that stick of peppermint<br> + To be my Barber pole." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-14ill.jpg" height="506" width="400" alt= + "The Barber"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_2"><!-- RULE4 2 --></a> + <h2> + THE REFUSAL + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-15ill.jpg" height="520" width="400" alt= + "The Refusal"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "Dear, sweet Lady Cracker,<br> + My passions you know."<br> + "And I scorn them, Judge Wafer,<br> + As you're lacking in dough." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-16ill.jpg" height="506" width="400" alt= + "The Refusal"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_3"><!-- RULE4 3 --></a> + <h2> + A HOPELESS CASE + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-17ill.jpg" height="517" width="400" alt= + "A Hopeless Case"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "What is the use?" quoth the Whitewash Brush,<br> + "I'll comb my hair no more;<br> + For try as I will to make it lie,<br> + It still stays pompadour." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-18ill.jpg" height="509" width="400" alt= + "A Hopeless Case"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_4"><!-- RULE4 4 --></a> + <h2> + THE GREENHORN + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-19ill.jpg" height="522" width="400" alt= + "The Greenhorn"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + A lettuce walking out one day,<br> + Lost his head, so lost his way;<br> + A Pumpkin happened on the scene,<br> + And said it came from being green. + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-20ill.jpg" height="509" width="400" alt= + "The Greenhorn"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_5"><!-- RULE4 5 --></a> + <h2> + OLD MR. MATCH + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-21ill.jpg" height="521" width="400" alt= + "Old Mr. Match"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Old Mr. Match gave his head a good scratch,<br> + And his face lighted up with a smile;<br> + "It is getting quite dark, but with my cheery spark<br> + I will lengthen the day for awhile." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-22ill.jpg" height="515" width="400" alt= + "Old Mr. Match"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_6"><!-- RULE4 6 --></a> + <h2> + THOUGHTS UNSTRUNG + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-23ill.jpg" height="520" width="400" alt= + "Thoughts Unstrung"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "Alas! I fear my mind doth wander.<br> + As o'er this narrative I ponder;<br> + I usually know what I have read,<br> + But this time I have lost the Thread." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-24ill.jpg" height="511" width="400" alt= + "Thoughts Unstrung"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_7"><!-- RULE4 7 --></a> + <h2> + THE MISER + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-25ill.jpg" height="518" width="400" alt= + "The Miser"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + The Pocketbook has money,<br> + On that subject he is daft;<br> + But when one strikes him for a loan<br> + He answers, "I am strapped." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-26ill.jpg" height="508" width="400" alt= + "The Miser"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_8"><!-- RULE4 8 --></a> + <h2> + DR. KEY'S ANSWER + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-27ill.jpg" height="521" width="400" alt= + "Dr. Key's answer"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "Shine?" inquired the Monkey Wrench<br> + Of Stately Doctor Key;<br> + "No!" replied that haughty soul.<br> + "No Monkey-shines for me." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-28ill.jpg" height="509" width="400" alt= + "Dr. Key's answer"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_9"><!-- RULE4 9 --></a> + <h2> + THE CHASE + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-29ill.jpg" height="518" width="400" alt= + "The Chase"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Mr. Brush on his steed, dashing with speed,<br> + Was asked if he had time to spare;<br> + Said he, with a smile, "I'll be back in a while,<br> + But at present I'm hunting the hair." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-30ill.jpg" height="509" width="400" alt= + "The Chase"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_10"><!-- RULE4 10 --></a> + <h2> + A RISING DOCTOR + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-31ill.jpg" height="520" width="400" alt= + "A Rising Doctor"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "Dr. Yeast-Cake, it's hard for me to speak,<br> + As I haven't risen for more than a week."<br> + "Take this, Mr. Roll, and never you fear;<br> + You'll rise before morning, so be of good cheer." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-32ill.jpg" height="507" width="400" alt= + "A Rising Doctor"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_11"><!-- RULE4 11 --></a> + <h2> + THE SAILOR BOLD + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-33ill.jpg" height="521" width="400" alt= + "The Sailor Bold"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Pilot Von Pretzel's a crusty old salt<br> + Who wears a rich shade of tan;<br> + Which he did not acquire at sea, by the way,<br> + But in a warm baking-pan. + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-34ill.jpg" height="510" width="400" alt= + "The Sailor Bold"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_12"><!-- RULE4 12 --></a> + <h2> + OVERHEARD IN THE CORN-FIELD + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-35ill.jpg" height="520" width="400" alt= + "Overheard in the Corn-Field"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Said young Mr. Pumpkin,<br> + To old Mr. Squash,<br> + "Do you think Mr. Corn overhears<br> + What we say when we talk<br> + Of his self-conscious stalk,<br> + And his moving Miss Melon to tears?"<br> + <br> + "I cannot decide,"<br> + Mr. Squash then replied,<br> + "But I've had my suspicions for years;<br> + Because he's so tall<br> + He can lean over all;<br> + Then look at the size of his ears." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-36ill.jpg" height="510" width="400" alt= + "Overheard in the Corn-Field"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_13"><!-- RULE4 13 --></a> + <h2> + TWINS + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-37ill.jpg" height="520" width="400" alt="Twins"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "There go the Scissor twins.<br> + Cutting as ever.<br> + Some think them sharp.<br> + But few think them clever." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-38ill.jpg" height="512" width="400" alt="Twins"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_14"><!-- RULE4 14 --></a> + <h2> + A SHARP LOVER + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-39ill.jpg" height="519" width="400" alt= + "A Sharp Lover"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "I dread you much, my little miss,<br> + You're such a dainty thing,<br> + I fear although quite sharp myself,<br> + You've got me on the string." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-40ill.jpg" height="512" width="400" alt= + "A Sharp Lover"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_15"><!-- RULE4 15 --></a> + <h2> + THE GREEDY LITTLE PITCHERS + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-41ill.jpg" height="522" width="400" alt= + "The Greedy Little Pitchers"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + "Now, my pretty little dears,<br> + Little Pitchers have big ears;<br> + But never let me hear it said<br> + That your mouths are big instead." + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-42ill.jpg" height="509" width="400" alt= + "The Greedy Little Pitchers"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_16"><!-- RULE4 16 --></a> + <h2> + OBLIGING MR. HAMMER + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-43ill.jpg" height="518" width="400" alt= + "Obliging Mr. Hammer"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + Old Mr. Hammer<br> + Was so very, very good,<br> + That he gave Mr. Shingle Nail<br> + A drive through the wood. + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-44ill.jpg" height="506" width="400" alt= + "Obliging Mr. Hammer"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_17"><!-- RULE4 17 --></a> + <h2> + THE MALICIOUS BRUSH + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-45ill.jpg" height="519" width="400" alt= + "The Malicious Brush"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + When poor little Hand-Glass<br> + Was loudly berated<br> + For casting reflections,<br> + The Brush was elated. + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-46ill.jpg" height="513" width="400" alt= + "The Malicious Brush"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p><a name="RULE4_18"><!-- RULE4 18 --></a> + <h2> + THE WISE PEN + </h2> + <center> + <img src="fn-47ill.jpg" height="521" width="400" alt= + "The Wise Pen"> + </center> + <div style= + "margin-left: 20%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; width: 80%"> + <p> + There was a Pen in our town<br> + And he was wondrous wise;<br> + He knew just when to cross his T's<br> + And when to dot his I's;<br> + But one small thing he did not know,<br> + A simple thing at that;<br> + He did not know 'twas nice to wipe<br> + His feet off, on the mat. + </p> + </div> + <center> + <img src="fn-48ill.jpg" height="510" width="400" alt= + "The Wise Pen"> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <center> + <img src="fn-exeun.png" height="136" width="200" alt=""> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fun and Nonsense, by Willard Bonte + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUN AND NONSENSE *** + +***** This file should be named 11095-h.htm or 11095-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/0/9/11095/ + +Produced by The Internet Archive Children's Library, David Garcia and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Fun and Nonsense + +Author: Willard Bonte + +Release Date: February 15, 2004 [EBook #11095] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUN AND NONSENSE *** + + + + +Produced by The Internet Archive Children's Library, David Garcia and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +[Illustration: Front Cover] + + + +FUN & NONSENSE + +By Willard Bonte + + + + +[Illustration: Frontispiece] + +[Illustration: By Willard Bonte] + + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + + Fun and Nonsense are a pair + Of merry little twins, + And when they come to visit us + They bring their friends, the Grins. + + They're coming now to visit you. + This page we'll call the door. + To open wide, just turn the leaf. + Why, we have met before! + +[Illustration: Introduction] + + + + +THE BARBER + + + Said Chocolate Drop the Barber, + "Why, bless my ugly soul! + I'll ask that stick of peppermint + To be my Barber pole." + +[Illustration: The Barber] + + + + +THE REFUSAL + + + "Dear, sweet Lady Cracker, + My passions you know." + "And I scorn them, Judge Wafer, + As you're lacking in dough." + +[Illustration: The Refusal] + + + + +A HOPELESS CASE + + + "What is the use?" quoth the Whitewash Brush, + "I'll comb my hair no more; + For try as I will to make it lie, + It still stays pompadour." + +[Illustration: A Hopeless Case] + + + + +THE GREENHORN + + + A lettuce walking out one day, + Lost his head, so lost his way; + A Pumpkin happened on the scene, + And said it came from being green. + +[Illustration: The Greenhorn] + + + + +OLD MR. MATCH + + + Old Mr. Match gave his head a good scratch, + And his face lighted up with a smile; + "It is getting quite dark, but with my cheery spark + I will lengthen the day for awhile." + +[Illustration: Old Mr. Match] + + + + +THOUGHTS UNSTRUNG + + + "Alas! I fear my mind doth wander. + As o'er this narrative I ponder; + I usually know what I have read, + But this time I have lost the Thread." + +[Illustration: Thoughts Unstrung] + + + + +THE MISER + + + The Pocketbook has money, + On that subject he is daft; + But when one strikes him for a loan + He answers, "I am strapped." + +[Illustration: The Miser] + + + + +DR. KEY'S ANSWER + + + "Shine?" inquired the Monkey Wrench + Of Stately Doctor Key; + "No!" replied that haughty soul. + "No Monkey-shines for me." + +[Illustration: Dr. Key's Answer] + + + + +THE CHASE + + + Mr. Brush on his steed, dashing with speed, + Was asked if he had time to spare; + Said he, with a smile, "I'll be back in a while, + But at present I'm hunting the hair." + +[Illustration: The Chase] + + + + +A RISING DOCTOR + + + "Dr. Yeast-Cake, it's hard for me to speak, + As I haven't risen for more than a week." + "Take this, Mr. Roll, and never you fear; + You'll rise before morning, so be of good cheer." + +[Illustration: A Rising Doctor] + + + + +THE SAILOR BOLD + + + Pilot Von Pretzel's a crusty old salt + Who wears a rich shade of tan; + Which he did not acquire at sea, by the way, + But in a warm baking-pan. + +[Illustration: The Sailor Bold] + + + + +OVERHEARD IN THE CORN-FIELD + + + Said young Mr. Pumpkin, + To old Mr. Squash, + "Do you think Mr. Corn overhears + What we say when we talk + Of his self-conscious stalk, + And his moving Miss Melon to tears?" + + "I cannot decide," + Mr. Squash then replied, + "But I've had my suspicions for years; + Because he's so tall + He can lean over all; + Then look at the size of his ears." + +[Illustration: Overheard in the Corn-field] + + + + +TWINS + + + "There go the Scissor twins. + Cutting as ever. + Some think them sharp. + But few think them clever." + +[Illustration: Twins] + + + + +A SHARP LOVER + + + "I dread you much, my little miss, + You're such a dainty thing, + I fear although quite sharp myself, + You've got me on the string." + +[Illustration: A Sharp Lover] + + + + +THE GREEDY LITTLE PITCHERS + + + "Now, my pretty little dears, + Little Pitchers have big ears; + But never let me hear it said + That your mouths are big instead." + +[Illustration: The Greedy Little Pitchers] + + + + +OBLIGING MR. HAMMER + + + Old Mr. Hammer + Was so very, very good, + That he gave Mr. Shingle Nail + A drive through the wood. + +[Illustration: Obliging Mr. Hammer] + + + + +THE MALICIOUS BRUSH + + + When poor little Hand-Glass + Was loudly berated + For casting reflections, + The Brush was elated. + +[Illustration: The Malicious Brush] + + + + +THE WISE PEN + + + There was a Pen in our town + And he was wondrous wise; + He knew just when to cross his T's + And when to dot his I's; + But one small thing he did not know, + A simple thing at that; + He did not know 'twas nice to wipe + His feet off, on the mat. + +[Illustration: The Wise Pen] + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fun and Nonsense, by Willard Bonte + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUN AND NONSENSE *** + +***** This file should be named 11095.txt or 11095.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/0/9/11095/ + +Produced by The Internet Archive Children's Library, David Garcia and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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