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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11095 ***
+
+[Illustration: Front Cover]
+
+
+
+FUN & NONSENSE
+
+By Willard Bonte
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Frontispiece]
+
+[Illustration: By Willard Bonte]
+
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+
+  Fun and Nonsense are a pair
+    Of merry little twins,
+  And when they come to visit us
+    They bring their friends, the Grins.
+
+  They're coming now to visit you.
+    This page we'll call the door.
+  To open wide, just turn the leaf.
+    Why, we have met before!
+
+[Illustration: Introduction]
+
+
+
+
+THE BARBER
+
+
+  Said Chocolate Drop the Barber,
+  "Why, bless my ugly soul!
+  I'll ask that stick of peppermint
+  To be my Barber pole."
+
+[Illustration: The Barber]
+
+
+
+
+THE REFUSAL
+
+
+  "Dear, sweet Lady Cracker,
+  My passions you know."
+  "And I scorn them, Judge Wafer,
+  As you're lacking in dough."
+
+[Illustration: The Refusal]
+
+
+
+
+A HOPELESS CASE
+
+
+  "What is the use?" quoth the Whitewash Brush,
+  "I'll comb my hair no more;
+  For try as I will to make it lie,
+  It still stays pompadour."
+
+[Illustration: A Hopeless Case]
+
+
+
+
+THE GREENHORN
+
+
+  A lettuce walking out one day,
+  Lost his head, so lost his way;
+  A Pumpkin happened on the scene,
+  And said it came from being green.
+
+[Illustration: The Greenhorn]
+
+
+
+
+OLD MR. MATCH
+
+
+  Old Mr. Match gave his head a good scratch,
+  And his face lighted up with a smile;
+  "It is getting quite dark, but with my cheery spark
+  I will lengthen the day for awhile."
+
+[Illustration: Old Mr. Match]
+
+
+
+
+THOUGHTS UNSTRUNG
+
+
+  "Alas! I fear my mind doth wander.
+  As o'er this narrative I ponder;
+  I usually know what I have read,
+  But this time I have lost the Thread."
+
+[Illustration: Thoughts Unstrung]
+
+
+
+
+THE MISER
+
+
+  The Pocketbook has money,
+  On that subject he is daft;
+  But when one strikes him for a loan
+  He answers, "I am strapped."
+
+[Illustration: The Miser]
+
+
+
+
+DR. KEY'S ANSWER
+
+
+  "Shine?" inquired the Monkey Wrench
+  Of Stately Doctor Key;
+  "No!" replied that haughty soul.
+  "No Monkey-shines for me."
+
+[Illustration: Dr. Key's Answer]
+
+
+
+
+THE CHASE
+
+
+  Mr. Brush on his steed, dashing with speed,
+  Was asked if he had time to spare;
+  Said he, with a smile, "I'll be back in a while,
+  But at present I'm hunting the hair."
+
+[Illustration: The Chase]
+
+
+
+
+A RISING DOCTOR
+
+
+  "Dr. Yeast-Cake, it's hard for me to speak,
+  As I haven't risen for more than a week."
+  "Take this, Mr. Roll, and never you fear;
+  You'll rise before morning, so be of good cheer."
+
+[Illustration: A Rising Doctor]
+
+
+
+
+THE SAILOR BOLD
+
+
+  Pilot Von Pretzel's a crusty old salt
+  Who wears a rich shade of tan;
+  Which he did not acquire at sea, by the way,
+  But in a warm baking-pan.
+
+[Illustration: The Sailor Bold]
+
+
+
+
+OVERHEARD IN THE CORN-FIELD
+
+
+  Said young Mr. Pumpkin,
+  To old Mr. Squash,
+  "Do you think Mr. Corn overhears
+  What we say when we talk
+  Of his self-conscious stalk,
+  And his moving Miss Melon to tears?"
+
+  "I cannot decide,"
+  Mr. Squash then replied,
+  "But I've had my suspicions for years;
+  Because he's so tall
+  He can lean over all;
+  Then look at the size of his ears."
+
+[Illustration: Overheard in the Corn-field]
+
+
+
+
+TWINS
+
+
+  "There go the Scissor twins.
+  Cutting as ever.
+  Some think them sharp.
+  But few think them clever."
+
+[Illustration: Twins]
+
+
+
+
+A SHARP LOVER
+
+
+  "I dread you much, my little miss,
+  You're such a dainty thing,
+  I fear although quite sharp myself,
+  You've got me on the string."
+
+[Illustration: A Sharp Lover]
+
+
+
+
+THE GREEDY LITTLE PITCHERS
+
+
+  "Now, my pretty little dears,
+  Little Pitchers have big ears;
+  But never let me hear it said
+  That your mouths are big instead."
+
+[Illustration: The Greedy Little Pitchers]
+
+
+
+
+OBLIGING MR. HAMMER
+
+
+  Old Mr. Hammer
+  Was so very, very good,
+  That he gave Mr. Shingle Nail
+  A drive through the wood.
+
+[Illustration: Obliging Mr. Hammer]
+
+
+
+
+THE MALICIOUS BRUSH
+
+
+  When poor little Hand-Glass
+  Was loudly berated
+  For casting reflections,
+  The Brush was elated.
+
+[Illustration: The Malicious Brush]
+
+
+
+
+THE WISE PEN
+
+
+  There was a Pen in our town
+  And he was wondrous wise;
+  He knew just when to cross his T's
+  And when to dot his I's;
+  But one small thing he did not know,
+  A simple thing at that;
+  He did not know 'twas nice to wipe
+  His feet off, on the mat.
+
+[Illustration: The Wise Pen]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fun and Nonsense, by Willard Bonte
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11095 ***