diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:34:06 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:34:06 -0700 |
| commit | 2b14423079dd3ac8825706502482eebdcaa2d1d5 (patch) | |
| tree | f06e0d967b113da88705218956ced67de8fba84c /9962.txt | |
Diffstat (limited to '9962.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | 9962.txt | 2518 |
1 files changed, 2518 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/9962.txt b/9962.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..de452dc --- /dev/null +++ b/9962.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2518 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 8, May 21, 1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 8, May 21, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Posting Date: October 29, 2011 [EBook #9962] +Release Date: February, 2006 +First Posted: November 5, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, MAY 21, 1870 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve +Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | J. Nickinson | + | | + | begs to announce to the friends of | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | residing in the country, that, for their convenience, he has | + | made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of | + | | + | ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED, | + | | + | the same will be forwarded, postage paid. | + | | + | Parties desiring Catalouges of any of our Publishing Houses | + | can have the same forwarded by inclosing two stamps. | + | | + | OFFICE OF | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + | [P. O. Box 2783.] | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | TO NEWS DEALERS. | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO'S MONTHLY, | + | | + | THE FIVE NUMBERS FOR APRIL, | + | | + | Bound in a Handsome Cover, | + | | + | IS NOW READY. Price, Fifty Cents. | + | | + | THE TRADE | + | | + | SUPPLIED BY THE | + | | + | AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, | + | | + | Who are now prepared to receive Orders. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S | + | | + | STEEL PENS. | + | | + | These pens are or a finer quality, more durable, and cheaper | + | than any other Pen in the market. Special attention is | + | called to the following grades, as being better suited for | + | business purposes than any Pen manufactured. The | + | | + | "505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive," | + | | + | We recommend for bank and office use. | + | | + | D. APPLETON & CO., | + | | + | Sole Agents for United States. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + +[Illustration: Vol. I. No. 8. + + +PUNCHINELLO + + +SATURDAY, MAY 21, 1870. + +PUBLISHED BY THE + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + +83 NASSAU STREET, NEW-YORK.] + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | _CONANT'S PATENT BINDERS for "Punchinello," to preserve the | + | paper for binding, will be sent, post-paid, on receipt of | + | One Dollar, by "Punchinello Publishing Company," 83 Nassau | + | Street, New-York City._ | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | MAY 21, 1870. | + | | + | APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO | + | | + | J. NICKINSON, | + | | + | Room. No. 4, | + | | + | 83 NASSAU STREET. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Notice to Ladies. | + | | + | DIBBLE, | + | | + | Of 854 Broadway, | + | | + | Has just received a large assortment | + | of all the latest styles of | + | | + | Chignons, Chatelaines, etc., | + | | + | FROM PARIS, | + | | + | Comprising the following beautiful varieties: | + | La Coquette, La Plenitude, Le Bouquet, | + | La Sirene, L'Imperatrice etc. | + | | + | At prices varying from $2 upward. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | WILL BE READY ON MAY 10 | + | | + | Brigadier-General | + | | + | THOMAS FRANCIS MEAGHER: | + | | + | His Political and Military Career; | + | | + | WITH SELECTIONS FROM | + | HIS SPEECHES AND WRITINGS. | + | BY | + | Capt. W. F. LYONS. | + | | + | It will be printed on fine toned paper, from new type, | + | with an excellent Portrait. | + | | + | One vol., Cloth, extra beveled . . . . $2 00 | + | One vol., Cloth, extra richly gilt . . 2 50 | + | One vol., morocco extra, beveled . . . 5 00 | + | | + | Orders from the Trade and public solicited. | + | | + | D. & J. SADLIER & CO., | + | | + | 31 Barclay Street, N. Y. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | THE CELEBRATED | + | [Illustration: TRADE MARK PATENTED 1868] | + | | + | BRAND | + | | + | BLACK ALPACAS! | + | | + | This Brand of ALPACA, on account of its fineness of cloth, | + | and richness of color, has become the Standard Alpaca | + | now used in the United States. | + | | + | These Goods are greatly Improved for the Spring and | + | Summer wear, being of the richest and purest Shade of | + | fast Black, and made of the very finest material, | + | they are absolutely superior to any ALPACAS ever | + | sold in this country, and now are one of the most | + | fashionable and economical fabrics worn. | + | These beautiful Goods are sold by most of the | + | leading Retail Dry-Goods Merchants in all | + | the leading cities and towns throughout all | + | the States. | + | | + | Purchasers will know these Goods, as a | + | ticket is attached to each piece bearing a picture | + | of the Buffalo, precisely like the above. | + | | + | WM. I. PEAKE & CO., | + | | + | 46, 48 & 50 White St., New-York. | + | | + | _Sole Importers of this Brand for the United States._ | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Thomas J. Rayner & Co., | + | | + | 29 LIBERTY STREET, | + | | + | New-York, | + | | + | MANUFACTURERS OF THE | + | | + | _Finest Cigars made in the United States._ | + | | + | All sizes and styles. Prices very moderate. Samples sent to | + | any responsible house. Also importers of the | + | | + | _"FUSBOS" BRAND,_ | + | | + | Equal in quality to the best of the Havana market, and from | + | ten to twenty per cent cheaper. | + | | + | Restaurant, Bar, Hotel, and Saloon trade will save money by | + | calling at | + | | + | 29 LIBERTY STREET. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | With a large and varied experience in the management and | + | publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and | + | with the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital | + | to justify undertaking, the | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | + | | + | OF THE CITY OF NEW-YORK, | + | | + | Presents to the public for approval, the | + | | + | NEW ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL WEEKLY PAPER, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | The first number of which will be issued under date of April | + | 2, 1870, and thereafter weekly. | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO will be _National,_ and not _local,_--and will | + | endeavor to become a household word in all parts of the | + | country; and to that end has secured a | + | | + | VALUABLE CORPS OF CONTRIBUTORS | + | | + | in various sections of the Union, while its columns will | + | always open to appropriate first-class literary and artistic | + | talent. PUNCHINELLO will be entirely original; humorous and | + | witty, without vulgarity, and satirical without malice. It | + | will be printed on a superior tinted paper of sixteen pages, | + | size 13 by 9, and will be for sale by all respectable | + | newsdealers who have the judgment to know a good thing when | + | they see it, or by subscription from this office. | + | | + | The Artistic department will be in charge of Henry L. | + | Stephens, whose celebrated cartoons in VANITY FAIR placed | + | Jim in the front rank of humorous artists, assisted by | + | leading artists in their respective specialities. | + | | + | The management of the paper will be in the hands of WILLIAM | + | A. STEPHENS, with whom is associated CHARLES DAWSON SHANLY, | + | both of whom were identified with VANITY FAIR. | + | | + | ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | + | | + | Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive | + | ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the | + | day, are always acceptable, and will be paid for liberally. | + | | + | Rejected communications can not be returned, unless | + | postage-stamps are inclosed. | + | | + | Terms: | + | | + | One copy, per year, in advance........................ $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies, ten cents, | + | | + | A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten | + | cents. | + | | + | One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine | + | or paper, price, $2.50, for..................... 5.50 | + | | + | One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for....7.00 | + | | + | | + | All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + | New-York. | + | | + | [P.O. Box 2783.] | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Mercantile Library, | + | | + | Clinton Hall, Astor Place, | + | | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + | This is now the largest circulating Library in America, the | + | number of volumes on its shelves being 114,000. About 1000 | + | volumes are added each month; and very large purchases are | + | made of all new and popular works. | + | | + | Books are delivered at members' residences for five cents | + | each delivery. | + | | + | TERMS OF MEMBERSHIP: | + | | + | TO CLERKS, | + | | + | $1 Initiation, $3 Annual Dues. | + | | + | TO OTHERS, $5 a year. | + | | + | SUBSCRIPTIONS TAKEN FOR SIX MONTHS. | + | | + | BRANCH OFFICES | + | | + | AT | + | | + | NO. 76 CEDAR STREET, NEW-YORK, | + | | + | Yonkers, Norwalk, Stamford, and Elizabeth. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | AMERICAN | + | | + | BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, | + | | + | AND | + | | + | SEWING-MACHINE CO., | + | | + | 572 and 574 Broadway, New-York. | + | | + | This great combination machine is the last, and greatest | + | improvement on all former machines, making, in addition to | + | all the work done on best Lock-Stitch machines, beautiful | + | | + | BUTTON AND EYELET HOLES. | + | | + | in all fabrics. | + | | + | Machine, with finely finished | + | | + | OILED WALNUT TABLE AND COVER | + | | + | complete, $75. Same machine, without the buttonhole parts, | + | $60. This last is beyond all question the simplest, easiest | + | to manage and to keep in order, of any machine in the | + | market. Machines warranted, and full instruction given to | + | purchasers. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HENRY SPEAR, | + | | + | STATIONER, PRINTER, | + | | + | AND | + | | + | BLANK BOOK MANUFACTURER. | + | | + | ACCOUNT BOOKS MADE TO ORDER. | + | | + | PRINTING OF EVERY DESCRIPTION. | + | | + | 82 Wall Street, | + | | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + +[Illustration: COURTESIES IN OUR SUNDAY-SCHOOLS. + +Teacher. "BY THE BY, DEAR, CAN YOU LEND ME A COUPLE OF SMALL PUPILS FOR +ANNIVERSARY, MY CLASS IS SO LITTLE? YOU SHALL HAVE THEM BACK AGAIN NEXT +SUNDAY."] + + * * * * * + +THE GREAT CANAL ENTERPRISE. + +[FROM OUR SPECIAL BOSTON CORRESPONDENT.] + +BOSTON, May 8th, 1870. + +We Bostonians are greatly surprised that your valuable journal has as +yet taken no notice of the great undertaking of the century--the Cape +Cod Canal. However, you New-Yorkers are quite out of the world, and +unless you read the Boston _Transcript_ regularly, can not be expected +to know much about the enterprises with which the earnest men of the +nation are occupied. The great Cape Cod Canal is, however, not meant +simply for the benefit of the Bostonian nation, but for the commerce of +the civilized world. It is destined to work a more important revolution +in the trade of Plymouth, Barnstable, and Nantucket, than the Suez or +Darien Canals. + +Of course you are familiar with the peculiar conformation of Cape Cod. +It juts out into the Atlantic like an immense elbow, and, indeed, is +understood to be modelled after the brawny arm of the gallant CHARLES +SUMNER. Vessels passing between ports on the western and those on the +southern coast of Massachusetts, are now obliged to make a wide _detour_ +in order to circumnavigate the Cape. It is now proposed to cut a canal +across the Cape just where it juts out from the mainland, and thus avoid +the tedious circumnavigation. The enormous importance of this work will +be at once perceived. The Canal will be nearly four miles in length, and +will be made of a uniform width of four feet, with a depth of two. This +gigantic undertaking will of course cost an immense amount of time and +money, but under the able supervision of ELKANAH HOPKINS, the gifted +engineer who constructed the board-walk in front of Deacon BREWSTER'S +house, at Standish Four Corners, there can be no doubt of its success. +Advantage will be taken of the duck-pond of Captain JEHOIAKIM BROWN, +which is situated in the course of the proposed canal. By leading the +Canal directly through this pond, at least a quarter of a mile of +excavation will be avoided. M. DE LESSEPS is known to have decided upon +making a similar use of the Bitter Lakes in the construction of his Suez +ditch, after having seen ELKANAH HOPKINS' plans for our great Cape Cod +Canal. Vessels will hereafter pass through this Canal instead of taking +the long voyage around the Cape; and it is believed that the _saving_ +which will be effected in the transportation of cod-fish and garden-sass +by the consequent shortening of the voyage, will be something enormous. +There are those who believe that the Canal will yield a yearly revenue +of from eighty to ninety dollars in tolls alone. It is understood that +the European Governments have already proposed to the Mayors of Boston +and Barnstable to guarantee the neutrality of the Canal in case of war; +but it is not possible that the proposition will be acceded to. +Bostonians should have the exclusive control of this magnificent work, +and the Selectmen of several of our prominent towns have drawn up +petitions against the proposition of neutrality. The opening of the +Canal will be the most splendid pageant of modern times. Mrs. JULIA WARD +HOWE will recite an original poem on the occasion; Mr W. H. MURRAY will +preach a sermon; Mrs. STOWE will read a new paper on BYRON, and the +State authorities will proclaim a solemn day of fasting and festivity. A +procession of ten fishing-schooners, headed by a flat-boat, containing +the Mayors and Selectmen of all the Massachusetts towns, will pass +through the Canal. After this, literary exercises are ended; and the +following month will be devoted to the delivery of an oration by Hon. +CHARLES SUMNER, on "The Classical Ditches of Ancient Times, and their +Influence on the Cause of Truth and Freedom." + +You, and the minor New-York papers, expect to devote most of your space +to this wonderful undertaking. It is more important than any event which +has taken place since the election of Mr. SUMNER to the Senate. It is a +subject which will interest all your earnest readers, who will be +greatly obliged to me for calling your attention to it. + +A FRIEND OF FREEDOM. + + * * * * * + +OLD SAWS RE-SET. + +That must be a pernicious agitation of the circumambient atmosphere, +which conduces not to the benefit of any individual. + +The common table utensil which is too frequently conveyed to the +fountain, to obtain the thirst-slaking beverage, will ultimately become +fractured. + +By devoting our attention chiefly to the smaller copper coin, the larger +denominations represented by paper currency will require no +_surveillance_. + +Persons who inhabit residences composed of a brittle, transparent, +silicious material, should refrain from forcibly casting fragments of +granite, etc. + +When the optic image of a given object is not projected upon the +_retina_ of the visual medium, that object fails to be desired by the +chief vital organ of the human anatomy. + +When the vigilant feline quadruped, frequently observed in the abodes of +man, is absent, the common domestic animal of the _genus mus_ may +indulge in various relaxations of an entertaining nature. + + * * * * * + +Common Pleas. + +Pleas of Temporary Insanity. + + * * * * * + +A Standard Work. + +J. RUSSEL YOUNG'S new paper. + + * * * * * + +Drugs in the Market. + +An English chemist has discovered a process by which wood of any kind +can be dyed a beautiful and permanent violet hue. + +Should that chemist fail to succeed in his profession, he might +profitably turn his attention to writing for the stage, seeing that he +has a decided turn for Dye-a-Log. + + * * * * * + +THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. + +Legs have heretofore been inseparable in the public mind from LYDIA +THOMPSON. Her successes have varied inversely as the length of her +trunk-hose. She has built up her reputation by "break-downs," and has +clutched the burlesque diadem with, innumerable bounds of her elastic +legs. Now, however, she has grown weary of offering up her fatted calves +at the shrine of a prodigal New-York audience, and desires to hide the +lightness of her legs under a bustle and crinoline. Wherefore she +exchanges her PIPPIN for a MOSQUITO, and appears in serious instead of +comic burlesque. + +_Mosquito_ is a play written expressly for Miss THOMPSON, by DUMAS +_pere_. There is the more reason to believe this assertion, inasmuch as +DUMAS, or somebody else, has already written it expressly for a variety +of other people. It was written for MENKEN, under the title of "_The +Pirates of the Savannah_," some six years since, and was written for +somebody else and played at the Porte St. Martin about seventeen years +ago. We should not be surprised if the "Veteran Observer" of the _Times_ +were prepared to prove that it was written expressly for him about the +year 1775. In view of these facts, no one will regard it as improbable +that it was also written for Miss THOMPSON. Be that as it may, however, +there is no doubt that Miss THOMPSON appeared in it on Monday evening +last, and that the following synopsis is much more accurate than even +the play itself. + +After an overture, performed principally on an exasperating drum, the +curtain rises on a scene in a seaport town in South America, or, to be +exact, in Bolivia. Various disreputable pirates, whose appearance is a +libel on a profession adorned by such men as Captain EYRE and the +managers of cheap American republishing houses, conspire together in +such mysterious words as these: + +_Valderrama (a pirate chief.)_ "To-night we must--" + +_Pierre (a comic pirate.)_ "We will, or--" + +_Val., etc._ "You have your--?" + +_Pierre._ "I have; and--" + +_Both Together._ "S-s-s-s-h. Some one comes. Swear to--" + +_Enter_ LYDIA THOMPSON, _clothed on with crinoline._ (_To various +pirates._) "Well! How's things? Are you still the--?" + +_Various Pirates._ "We are; and if--" + +_Enter_ BRENTANO, _the father of_ LYDIA. _He addresses her in tender +accents._ "Me cheyild, the hour is come. I must away. _(To Valderrama.)_ +Shall we--?" + +_Val., etc._ "We shall. Come, my friend, and--" + +_They come. Scene changes to a lonely glen. Comic Pirate explains to_ +LYDIA _the secret of her birth in terms which leave it more +unintelligible than ever. Various pirates conspire to murder_ BRENTANO. +_Scene again changes to_ BRENTANO'S _garden. Various pirates enter and +shoot the old man. Applause. Somebody sets the house on fire. Enter_ +LYDIA _disguised in boy's clothes. She vows eternal fidelity to_ +VALDERRAMA _The audience wildly welcome her familiar legs, and the +curtain falls amid tempestuous applause and the frantic beating of the +fiendish drum._ + +_Rather Dull Old Gentleman._ "I can't make out what it's all about. Why +does she want to follow VALDERRAMA when she knows he has killed her +father?" + +_Theatrical Person, who has seen the manuscript play._ "Don't you see? +She means to avenge herself by reading the _Nation_ to him, or by +singing Shoo-fly. She'll make his life a burden." + +_Dull Old Gentleman._ "Oh! I see. But will she turn pirate, too?" + +_Theatrical Person._ "By no means. There were no strong-minded women on +the Spanish main. The pirates were bad enough, but they didn't have all +the vices of the present day. She'll go to Paris with VALDERRAMA, and he +will take the title of MARQUIS of FONSECA, and live sumptuously on old +BRENTANO'S money. Just you wait and see." + +_Curtain rises on second act, showing the Hotel Fonseca, at Paris. +Several French noblemen repeat ponderous witticisms to one another. +Enter Miss_ MARKHAM _with clothes on. She represents the icy_ DIANA DE +MAULEON. + +_Diana._ "Mon Doo! there is my lover LEON DE BEAULIEU. I won't have him, +for he ain't rich enough." + +_Leon._ "Mademosel! I love you." + +_Diana._ "Mosshure, what's your name? who are your parents? and what's +your income?" + +_Leon._ "Alas! I have none." + +_Diana._ "Then leave. Ah! Good evening, Mosshure, the MARQUIS DE +FONSECA." + +_Fonseca (aside.)_ "LEON is the son of somebody, I forget who. Never +mind, I'll murder him and marry DIANA." + +_Mosquito (in other words, Lydia Thompson in a dress that shows her +legs.)_ "I love LEON. I must save him. I will save him." + +_Scene changes to an inn on the coast within a few yards of Paris. +Enter_ PIERRE _and other pirates. They conspire to murder_ LEON _and the +French language. Enter_ MOSQUITO _disguised as a serving maid. She +dances, sings, and overhears the plot. Enter_ LEON _in order to be +murdered. By a neat little stratagem_ MOSQUITO _contrives to have the +pirates shoot each other, and saves_ LEON. _Curtain falls, followed by +more maddening performances on the drum._ + +_Dull Old Gentleman._ "I begin to see into it a little; but who is LEON, +and why does FONSECA want to murder him?" + +_Theatrical Person._ "Well, I can't just now remember. It is all cleared +up in the last scene, though. You see, MOSQUITO is the daughter of +BRENTANO, who was killed. She has another father who comes on later. +Somebody else is LEON'S father, and you see FONSECA is the brother--no, +the aunt of PIERRE--no, that's not it precisely--but you'll see." + +_Dull Old Gentleman (doubtfully.)_ "I hope so; but that infernal drum +makes such a noise that I can hardly think. Who is that tall, awkward +woman with the turned-up nose, who plays 'DIANA?'" + +_Theatrical Person._ "Hush, GRANT WHITE is sitting right behind you. +That is Miss MARKHAM, and she is considered to be very handsome. She is +a little awkward in clothes, but she'll get used to them in time." + +_The third act begins. Every body, from the Comic Pirate down to a +Dramatic Writer who is in the play, go to a ball at the Palace Gardens._ +MOSQUITO, _disguised as a Gipsy, dances and tells cheerful fortunes. +Fonseca proposes for_ DIANA'S _hand and roars the subject over in a +private conversation with her father, while he and the old gentleman +stand on opposite sides of the garden. Every body quarrels with every +body else. The Comic Pirate challenges_ LEON _to fight a duel, intending +to murder him._ MOSQUITO, _backed by the_ REGENT _of_ ORLEANS _and the +entire court, stops the duel and denounces_ FONSECA. _The latter tries +to murder her and is shot by the Comic Pirate. Then explanations take +place, by which every body is proved to be the father or daughter of +every body else, and the play is ended by an appropriate suggestion from +the_ REGENT, _that the entire party should engage in a congratulatory +dance._ + +_Dull Old Gentleman._ "Well, I must say I don't understand any thing +about it. I can't even make out the different actors. Who is the rather +pretty, fat woman, dressed like a boy. She don't act a bit, but she +dances nicely." + +_Theatrical Person._ "Why, that is LYDIA THOMPSON. The play was written +for her, you know." + +_Dull Old Gentleman (evidently getting irritable.)_ "All I've got to say +is this, that I don't know which is the worse, she or the play. What is +the stage coming to? In my day we used to have something like acting at +the old Park. Ah, there was PLACIDE, and ELLEN TREE, and--" + +The old gentleman goes slowly out, muttering reminiscences from ancient +history. A tall, intellectual-looking man is seen to withdraw into the +grass-plat in the court-yard, and is there heard to appeal to the +chimney-pots and stars to note the surpassing beauty of the vocal velvet +of the fair MARKHAM. And the undersigned wends his way homeward with the +conviction that _Hamlet_, with the part of HAMLET omitted, would be +intelligible and attractive in comparison with LYDIA THOMPSON and +PAULINE MARKHAM with their legs banished from public view. MATADOR. + + * * * * * + +PUNCHINELLO IN WALL STREET. + +The great art of Doing others as they would like to Do you has always +commended itself to PUNCHINELLO as a very happy rendering of a certain +fusty old rule which, in its original shape, did very well some nineteen +hundred years ago, but is altogether out of date in these brisk times. +Hence the gambols of the merry bulls in that Broad Street which leadeth +to DIVES palace are just now highly entertaining. In that illustrious +quarter of this amazing metropolis there is a beautiful game going on +which is vastly more interesting to watch than to join in, and this +little game is much as follows: + +A number of the members of that worthy family of undoubted ancestry and +opulence, and known the world over as the "Cliques," have gone into the +dairy business. The cheese-presses are kept and the churning is done in +the big offices by the wayside; but the milking is carried on in a very +Long Room, found, from considerable experience, to be peculiarly adapted +to this profitable line of trade. Now in the pastoral realms of Finance, +it is an odd fact that not only is the milk all cream, and golden cream +into the bargain, but it is sometimes hard to tell which are the +dairy-maids and which are the kindly animals with the crumpled horns +which furnish the lacteal supply which is so particularly sought after. +Of course every body wants as much cream as possible, and all have faith +that, at the nick of time, it will be given to them to milk instead of +the other thing. There is a pleasant amusement known among juveniles as +"SIMON says up," etc. This is the very milk in the stock-market +cocoanut. When some great member of the big Clique family cries "DANIEL +says up," and every body shouts by mistake "DANIEL says down," then the +Long Room does a very huge business indeed, and the number of cheeses +made is marvellous to relate. When, on the contrary, Clique says "down," +and the crowd cries "up," and it really should be up, then the great +Clique discover that their dairy-maids have become the other thing, and +that all the cheese is going the other side of the way. This is +exceedingly damaging to the Clique firm; and as it is very painful +indeed to be the other thing, since it makes sore heads and brings on a +tendency to "bust," requiring much careful nursing to recover from the +effect, the Clique family is always careful to arrange every thing in a +manner that shall best insure the monopoly of the lacteal element to +itself. + +At present the Cliques have made, most excellent provisions. It is a +rule that nothing so stimulates the production of cream in the financial +pastures as that curious esculent the greenback. Oddly enough, also, +although this esculent la greatly sought after by the other useful +animals in Uncle SAM'S plantation, yet, from one and another cause, vast +quantities of this exhilarating food have been amassed in and around the +banks of Wall street--those banks where the woodbine vainly twineth, and +by whoso side our allegory unhappily lies. With plenty of greenbacks, +therefore, to make every one gay and festive, with the pumps hard at +work to keep the stocks well watered, and with all sorts of devices to +lead the Street family (and a very low but ambitious and prolific family +it is) to cry "up" when DANIEL says "down," the jubilant Cliques have +set their mind upon a thriving Spring business. + +PUNCHINELLO gazes down upon the game with equal and serene mind. Since +all wish to milk and not to be the other thing, and as it is not clear +which is going to be which, he is content to watch the cheeses as they +come from the press, and to declare that they at least are seemly and +good to behold. If PUNCHINELLO could only believe that the Street family +was likely to succeed, he would certainly doff his cap to them. Success +is beautiful. It is to Do others as they would Do you. That is the +Nineteenth Century. It is, therefore, sublime. One gets exhausted in +hurrahing for the Cliques. They are always getting the best of it. But +the Street people need encouragement. It is not pleasant to be the other +thing. And if the bloated Clique party are not some time brought to a +turn, the day will come when we shall find all Clique and no cheese--a +consummation devoutly _not_ to be wished for! + + * * * * * + +"Too Much for Good Nature," + +The acting at Wood's Museum. + + * * * * * + +A Question for the "Veteran Observer," + +Who was the "Oldest Inhabitant"--Old PARR, or old Grand Par? + + * * * * * + +Miss-Conductors. + +The young ladies who bring back the Trains. + + * * * * * + +FOREIGN CORRESPONDENCE. + +[BY ATLANTIC CABLE.] + +GREAT BRITAIN. + +Having a peculiar privilege as the correspondent of PUNCHINELLO, I was +on the floor of the House of Commons when Mr. GLADSTONE made his short +speech, on the 25th, about England and possessions. I was standing by +the O'DONOHUE when the Minister said, "_A free and voluntary contract is +the only basis for continued union._" I whispered to O'DONOHUE--Good for +Ireland! He did me the honor to repeat it aloud; but the Minister's +answer was not heard. + +Mr. EASTWICK had just been making a speech about "tightening colonial +relations." The _Press Ass_ made this charge somebody or other with +"making tight the Colonel's relations." It was just like that fellow. I +only succeeded by chance in saving him from sending across some stuff +about the Cardinal Archbishop of CRANBERRY, instead of CHAMBERY. I got a +dispatch from, him quoting the _Virago_ of Paris--meaning the _Figaro_, +of course. And then that _Schema_; a Sphinx could not have made it more +of a puzzle, whether he meant that the bishops voted that the Pope +should be _deified_, or _defied_, or that the _de fide_ should pass by +their vote. + +CYRUS W. FIELD has been here, in communication with AIRY, the astronomer +Royal, about a telegraph to the moon. A lunatic observation makes it wax +plain that it will not be in wane to attempt it. STOKES and HUGGINS, +moreover, have been taking views of people through the spectroscope. +_Absorption bands_ are very striking in the _spectra_ of the ROTHSCHILDS +and other bankers. _Bright lines_ are seen in TENNYSON and WILLIAM +MORRIS; _dark lines_ in SWINBURNE. + +Gaseous substances are shown to exist in certain bodies and people; a +great deal of gas was discovered in VICTOR HUGO. Traces of iron are +visible in NAPOLEON III; and still more, at the last observations, n +BISMARCK. VICTOR EMMANUEL had more of the phosphorus; the Pope, of +sulphur; the PRINCE of WALES, of mercury; the editor of the _Times_, of +lead. GARIBALDI and MAZZINI have a carbon-ari appearance through the +instrument; with some look of nitrous incandescence, also. Laughing-gas +is evidently abundant in PUNCH. + +The Lords of the Admiralty have observed that Mr. HALE has proposed in +Congress a 16 million bill for a new American navy. It will be at once +proposed to the House of Commons that 32 millions be spent in iron-clads +here. And the Cabinet of the French Emperor have already prepared their +little bill, demanding of the _Corps Legislatif_ a sum of sixty-four +millions for monster ships. All this is, of course, encouraging. Mr. +HALE had better try again, + +Of course you have heard of the great Fenian raid, which really is to +come off. You know there are immense amounts of vegetables and other +provender brought to London from the Continent every day. Now a large +number of sworn Fenians are to go to Holland and learn Dutch, so that +they can go over disguised as petty dealers in food, get to London armed +with revolvers, and carry off the Queen! As the Fenians always do +exactly what they promise to do, this may be relied upon as certain to +happen. It is said that the Queen is studying Dutch as an amusement; +which may be very convenient on the way; she can expostulate with them +better in Dutch than in Irish. + +From GERMANY, we learn that JANAUSCHEK is coming to London to play in +English. Also that a ballet corps is coming over to dance in Spanish, +and an opera troupe, to sing phonographically, in Hindoostanee. A new +opera, by BALFE, is spoken of; subject, the Tower of Babel. This was +suggested by the Ecumenical Council; where some body must have been +LISET-ening. + +A World's Congress of Croquet Players will be held next month at Baden. +They will not hold their debates in Latin. Among the points discussed +will be, whether it is allowable to pop the question on the croquet +ground. Old maids are quoted as thinking that it distracts the game. +Younger ones would consider it allowable in certain cases. + +What people some travelling Americans are! There is one _nouveau riche_ +from New-York, who has been going about all over Germany, asking every +body for the sculptor--he thinks his name was METTERNICH--whose most +famous work was the _Status quo_! He wants one of these, he says, for +his _jardin des plantes_; which is going to be as big as the one near +Paris. He has also heard of the Marquis of BUTE; and wants to buy one or +two of his things; because somebody once read to him, out of a +copy-book, that "a thing of Bute is a joy forever." I have not time to +tell you, today, about my late interview with the Pope. --PRIME + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: + +EVERY MAN HIS OWN POLICEMAN. + +EXEMPLIFIED BY THE FOLLOWING DESIGNS OF PUNCHINELLO'S PATENT ARMOR. + +OPEN CASE. + +IN CASE OF ASSASSIN. + +IN CASE OF STAGE ACCIDENT. + +IN CASE OF PICK-POCKET. + +IN CASE OF MAD BULL.] + + * * * * * + +OUR PORT-FOLIO. + +Upon opening our mail, the other morning, a communication signed +"Tragedian," purporting to come from the father of three boys, (each +remarkable in his way,) particularly attracted our attention. He stated +with peculiar succinctness some singular developments of genius in the +second of these prodigies, which do not always accompany such tender +adolescence. "But twelve years old!" exclaims the enraptured parent, +"and yet my FRITZ has produced a tragedy in three acts, entitled 'The +Drewid's Curse.' No less a judge than our leading town lawyer, squire +MANGLES, was so kind as to say that such an instance of the histrionic +flux in a child of FRITZ'S years, was utterly unparalleled. If +PUNCHINELLO could find space for a few specimens of the 'Curse,' they +shall be cheerfully furnished." + +(It might as well be stated here that curses of this character are +already quite abundant, and that PUNCHINELLO can not find space for any +of them. Still a kind word may not be misunderstood.) + +To the son of a man who spells "Druid" with a "_w_," all things must be +possible, from a hangman's noose to a Presidential nomination, and the +danger to be apprehended in this case is, that some of "Tragedian's" +posterity may slip into one or the other of them. A parental raid upon +all the pens, ink and paper that could possibly come within the reach of +a youth whose soul revels in Druidical reminiscences, is the only +effective remedy which at present occurs to us. The "histrionic flux" is +a kindred disease, and would, of course, be susceptible of the same +treatment. + + * * * * * + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I am not mad, but to you, alone, I confide the secret +of my sanity. Nevertheless I thirst for blood. + +Feelings over which I have no control, render it imperative that I +should shoot somebody. Precisely who may be the victim of this +insatiable desire, fate alone can decide. I propose some day next week +to commence a general fusilade from the windows of my office upon the +passers-by. My sole security in this affair, is a maiden aunt now in the +Lunatic Asylum. I look with confidence to her malady as my triumphant +vindication. My object in writing to you is to ask whether, in your +opinion, the fact is sufficient to _guarantee_ a verdict of "Not +Guilty," in case I am prosecuted for murder, or whether an unscrupulous +jury could sacrifice me to the unsettled condition of the popular mind +on the subject of justifiable insanity. Yours sanguinarily, + +--RABIES. + +PUNCHINELLO expresses his opinion in reference to the above letter with +great reluctance. He fears that if he gives his advice according to his +real convictions, he may be overrun with similar applications, and if he +gives advice that he doesn't feel, he will condemn "RABIES" to the +mortification of the gallows. He therefore takes a middle course, and +observes that the possession of an aunt in the Lunatic Asylum is +certainly strong presumptive evidence that her nephew is no better than +she is. Here in New-York, it would be difficult to upset such evidence, +but elsewhere the result might be different. "RABIES" gives no clue to +his whereabouts. PUNCHINELLO, therefore, presumes that he does not +contemplate murder here. Very well, then, it would be unadvisable to +kill any one, until at least two respectable physicians could testify +that either before or after the act they had called upon "RABIES," fully +interviewed him on the subject of the maiden aunt, and found that the +slightest allusion to her was productive of any of the following +phenomena: + + +1st. Sudden and violent twitching of the eyes. + +2d. Discoloration of the veins of the nose, resulting in an appearance +abnormally rubicund. + +3d. Manifestations of extravagant thirst, which water could not satisfy. + +4th. Tendency to reach for his boot-straps, as if with the view of +lifting himself by the same. + +5th. Rapid rise of the pulse from 50 to 500--say within the space of ten +seconds. + +6th. Shoo-fly! movement of the hand toward the cheek as if some thing +had alighted there, and patient were trying to rub it off. + +7th. The presence of a cicatrix on the left temple (This is a most +irrefutable proof of insanity). + +8th. Psychological developments indicative of "moral alienation." + +9th. Gangrenous condition of the tongue, proceeding from a disordered +liver, and mysteriously communicated to the brain. + +10th. Any symptoms going to show that patient might mistake another +man's wife for his own. + +11th. Discovery at the last moment that patient's father suffered +himself to be hung for murder. + +PUNCHINELLO offers these as the accepted _data_ by which RABIES may +measure his chances for life in case he executes his avowed purpose, +but I would impress upon him the fact that these are necessary _outside_ +of New-York only. Here proof of the lunacy of the maiden aunt would be +sufficient. + + * * * * * + +UNCLE SAMUEL + +To His Lit-tle Lads in Con-gress. + +[A LESSON IN EASY WORDS OF ONE SYLLABLE.] + + My lads! I will be plain with, you: + I am not pleased with all you do. + I hate to scold, and yet I must; + And you will take it well, I trust. + + When first I saw you, nice and clean, + It was a sight to show the Queen! + I was an ass to like you so; + But where we _wish_ to like, we do. + I should have known it could not be; + For luck, of late, is gone from me. + No more I see the good old times + When fools were fools, and crimes were crimes, + And boys and men had work to do, + And did not play till work was through. + The times have changed; so have the boys! + I know this, when I hear your noise, + And note your slack work, day by day; + Each lad must have his own small way, + If it is but to loaf and loll, + Or else, not to come in at all, + Or not to care for what is done + If so be it can yield no fun, + Or else, to be as coarse and rough, + As rash and rude, and grum and gruff, + As though it were some bear that spoke, + Whom all the world must long to choke. + + For shame, my lads! I let you draw + All I can spare to you by law; + Each lad of you takes all he can, + But not a soul acts like a man! + What do you _do_, for such fine pay? + What have you done these five months? Say! + You know you ought to do some good; + The friends that sent you, think you should. + Have you no pride, no sense! In fine, + Why do you waste their time and mine? + + If it could move you, I'd tell how + The boys that sat where you sit now + Once _earned_ their pay, and got the name + Of fine, brave lads! But you!--for shame! + Boys, I could thrash you all, I fear! + + It may be, times will change, this year-- + Your friends all tire of you, I know, + And what, if they should let you go! + The school, through you, has such a name + All good men feel a kind of shame; + They feel the world must laugh, at last-- + The world that could not scorn the past! + + Oh, think of that, my lads! I see + You do not mean to turn from me. + From _me_, your best of friends? Oh, no! + I may seem grave, and dull, and slow. + But you and I, my lads, are one! + Your fame, your blame, I can not shun. + Much have I borne for you, of late; + But you are small, and I am great! + + * * * * * + +A Reflection for Recorder Hackett. + +The GRAHAM bread bakers are useful members of the community, but the +same can not be said of GRAHAM bred lawyers. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: CRITICAL INTELLIGENCE. + +_Able Critic._ "BUT WHAT SORT OF A CREATURE IS THAT UPON WHICH THE YOUNG +WOMAN STANDS?" + +_Artist (who likes to "sell" bores.)_ "O! THAT'S A GONOPH." + +_Able Critic._ "AH! YES. I THOUGHT SO." _(And he wonders what in thunder +a "gonoph" is.)_] + + * * * * * + +A SONG OF THE NEW BABEL. + +[_Dedicated with sentiments of the most inexpressible respect to the +Members of the Forty-First Congress._] + + I. + + Oh! who, for any payment auriferous or argent, + Would undertake to do the work that Mr. Speaker does-- + With nobody to help him except the trembling Sergeant, + While still begin and never end the shout and scream and buzz? + Oh, never any where, save in desert groves Brazilian, + Was ever heard such endless and aimless gabble yet. + For there the tribes of monkeys to the number of a million, + Screech and chatter without ceasing, from the sunrise to the set. + Rap! rap! rap! + To quell the rising clamor; + Order! order! order! + Hammer! hammer! hammer! + + II. + + O strength of tongue how awful! O power of lungs how mighty! + Whence draw ye, honest gentlemen, your constant wind supply? + Whence comes your inspiration, belligerent or flighty? + Your common-place that grovels and your metaphors so high? + Pray, why not try, for novelty, a kind of solo speaking? + One man upon his legs--only one upon the floor? + For eloquence,'tis possible, does not consist in shrieking, + And really where's the argument in all this thundering roar? + Rap! rap! rap! + To quell the rising clamor; + Order! order! order! + Hammer! hammer! hammer! + + III. + + The country listens sadly to the racket most distressing, + And wonders, in its bother, if e'er the time will come + When the Fates and Constitution will vouchsafe to us the blessing + Of a House of Representatives completely deaf and dumb; + Or if, perhaps, in exile these noisy mischief-makers, + The stream of elocution run most fortunately dry, + In seats of legislation, rows of ruminating Quakers + May shake their heads for "Nay" and may nod their heads for "Aye." + Rap! rap! rap! + To quell the rising clamor; + Order! order! order! + Hammer! hammer! hammer! + + IV. + + But if these mighty nuisances we cannot stop or flee 'em, + If past all other remedy the sounding evil reaches, + Oh, why not send for GILMORE of the Boston Coliseum, + That he may drill the Members in a chorus to make speeches? + Then shall stop the fierce _rencontre_--shall cease the idle rating; + Then debates shall he no longer without a head or tail; + And while the power of song every soul is demonstrating, + Each member cherubimical will scorn to rant or rail. + Rap! rap! rap! + To quell the rising clamor; + Order! order! order! + Hammer! hammer! hammer! + + V. + + But if for solo speaking Members still feel an avidity; + If they burn to make orations of most uncommon zest, + Let them just take our precaution against intense stupidity! + Let them study PUNCHINELLO and learn how to make a jest; + But away with dreams chimerical and projects vain, though clever! + The power of tongue's proportionate to wondrous length of ear; + The beast that carried BALAAM is as garrulous as ever, + And still the lobby listener must be content to hear + Rap! rap! rap! + To quell the rising clamor; + Order! order! order! + Hammer! hammer! hammer! + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: BARNACLES ON OUR COMMERCE. + +_Intelligent Foreigner._ "WHY ARE ALL THESES AMERICAN SHIPS +LYING IDLE IN THEIR DOCKS, SIR, INSTEAD OF EARNING MONEY AT +SEA?" + +_Despondent Ship-owner._ "IT'S ALL THE BARNACLES, SIR. NO +SHIP CAN SAIL WITH THEM ON, AND WE DON'T KNOW HOW WE'RE +GOING TO GET THEM OFF."] + + * * * * * + +CONDENSED CONGRESS. + +SENATE. + +Just as usual, WILSON had another little scheme on hand. There was no +money in it--nothing but a little Massachusetts glory. It was to set +apart a day to decorate the graves of the Union dead. Mr. WILSON +remembered that it would have been more consonant to his own feelings to +confine the ornamentations to the graves of colored men and the men of +Massachusetts. But for the sake of peace and harmony he was willing to +decorate all round. + +Mr. GARRETT DAVIS suggested that it didn't make any difference whether +they set apart a day or not. If people wished to decorate, they would +decorate, and if they didn't, they wouldn't. + +Mr. DRAKE said Mr. DAVIS'S hands were dripping with loyal gore. + +Mr. DAVIS said he would reply to that insinuation the first leisure week +he had. In the meantime he contented himself with hurling the foul +slander back into Mr. DRAKE'S teeth, if Mr. DRAKE had any. + +Lest Mr. DAVIS should execute his threat of making a speech, the Senate +referred the subject. + +Then there was a first-class wrangle about giving pensions to Mrs. +LINCOLN and Mrs. RAWLINGS. It was represented that Mrs. LINCOLN was +given up to riotous living upon pumpernickel and ganzebroost, at a +German watering-place, and that there was a rumor afloat that unless +Congress pensioned her at once, she might marry a German prince. Mr. +SHERMAN, on behalf of the Finance Committee, represented that German +princes were notoriously expensive and impecunious, and that it would be +much cheaper to pension Mrs. LINCOLN alone than to pension her and a +German prince together. He submitted some statements, showing what it +had cost Great Britain to have German princes marrying into the Royal +family. The Senate, therefore, incontinently passed the bill. + +Mr. Morrill introduced a neat little swindle, which does equal credit to +his hand and heart, providing that the United States should have the +free use of all patents granted under it. He said this was to discourage +that pernicious class of men, the inventors. In many branches of +industry, such as arms, the Government was the only customer of the +inventor. In those cases, the inventor's gray hairs would be brought +immediately to the grave. And inasmuch as the Government had a finger in +almost every body's pie, the future FULTONS and GOODYEARS would starve +to death before the completion of their diabolical devices. + +Some land-grabs were rushed through, when Mr. SAULSBURY objected. He +said nobody made any thing out of this except the Western Senators. He +called upon the men of the Eastern States to stand up for their share. +He had a little game in the interest of his own constituents. It was no +chimerical railway. It was a good, substantial, practical concern. He +demanded six million acres in behalf of the Delaware Balloon Navigation +Company. If this demand were not complied with, it would show that the +Senate were actuated by the basest personal motives. + +HOUSE. + +The gentle JULIAN insisted upon proposing his sixteenth or seventeenth +amendment. He said that he understood several women intended to vote, +and he introduced this to preserve his domestic peace. + +Mr. JENCKES, for the forty-fifth time, called up his Civil Service bill. + +Mr. BUTLER, for the thirty-seventh time, introduced a bill to annex San +Domingo. + +Mr. KELLEY and Mr. SCHENCK raved a neat but not new duett, "Give us +Tariff or give us Death." + +Mr. LOGAN gave a fine rendering of his famous bass solo, "The Tariff be +Hanged." + +Mr. SCHENCK intimated that Mr. LOGAN was an insect. At first he said he +was a pismire, but the Speaker said pismire was not parliamentary, and +he modified it to grasshopper. + +Mr. KELLEY said that he took his stand upon American pig-iron, for which +our fathers fought and bled. Did they never hear of Valley Forge? Our +fathers suffered in that forge for the sake of protecting their children +in the right to smelt in other forges. He said that the man who could +smelt two pigs of iron where only one was smelted before, was a public +benefactor. + +Mr. COX said he could not smelt a pig, but he thought he smelt a rat. + +Mr. JENCKES said he thought his Civil Service bill would tend to +diminish stealing. + +Mr. PETERS said he would oppose it for that very reason. He wished to +reward his friends. It was no reward for a man who stood by his country +in her hour of peril, to be given an office in which he had to work for +a living. What patriot would not be disgusted by the ingratitude of a +country which dared to insult him like that? There was nothing in this +bill to prevent a man dripping with loyal gore from holding office, if +he was honest and intelligent; whereas, one of his, Mr. PETERS'S +staunchest supporters might be refused an office, if he had the +misfortune to be dishonest and dull. The notion of making "capacity and +integrity" a qualification for office-holding was unprecedented, and was +preposterous. If things went on in this way, even members of Congress +would be compelled to do something for their pay. Now he preferred to +administer the public service on the good old principle they all had +practised, of "You tickle me and I'll tickle you." + + * * * * * + +NOTES FROM CHICAGO. + +The Garden City seems to be in a quiescent state at present. There is no +startling divorce case on the _topis_, and the main portion of the Court +House has not yet fallen in, and Mr. H.'s wife has not recently +surprised him in any well-matured plan for putting a _quietus_ upon her +existence. Domestic felicity is unusually prevalent. The scarlet-fever +and measles have prevailed to a somewhat alarming extent; but the most +contagious of all has been the _French_ fever. This malady seems to have +spread amongst all classes; the fashionable and the unfashionable, the +strong-minded and the frivolous. French teachers swarm like bees, here, +there, and every where, and all speaking the purest Parisian French; +even Mons. L'HARMONIQUE, who comes from that wee little town in Canada, +where the Canucks "most do congregate." But he says "the Americans do +love so much humbug," that he gives them their fill of that article. + +We have had French parties, French plays, French lectures. We read +French, speak French, sing French, and look French; and, if you are so +barbarously ignorant as not to understand that language, why, you might +just as well retire for an old fossil or petrifaction. You're obsolete, +that's all; as much behind the times as RIP VAN WINKLE himself, after +his memorable sleep. English is out of date here--a relic of the Dark +Ages. Fashionable ladies return from Paris, bringing with them +accomplished _bonnes_, and every one is prohibited from speaking a word +of English to the children; but, in spite of every precaution, the +vulgar little creatures will drop the musical foreign tongue, and speak +their own native language. They are christened ADELE, MARIE, or CLAIRE; +the SUSANS, MARYS, and ELLENS having ceased to exist. + +Parisian fashions, of course, reign triumphant, and the pretty young +girls in French frizzes and furbelows, shrug their fair white shoulders +exactly as they see "that elegant Madame DE----" do, and gesticulate +with what they imagine to be the true French grace and vivacity. They +all have a charming young teacher, with whom they carry on a most +romantic flirtation, that of course means nothing; and each one of these +fair students, (who conscientiously puts a "g" to every termination +possible, and who says _monseer_,) will tell you, with a complacent +smile, that Professor ---- considers her pronunciation unusually +excellent. They are all studying in the blissful anticipation of a trip +to Paris, where they will be presented to the Empress in yellow satin +gowns, and then, when they return, how eagerly will they be sought by +the fashionable young snobs, who long will see upon their fair brows the +reflection of imperial glory. That is, if the dark-eyed ROMEOS abroad +allow them ever to return to their native country. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: MR. GLAUBER, DRUGGIST, WHO HAS HAD A DISPUTE WITH HIS +SIGN-PAINTER, IS NOT AWARE THAT THE LATTER HAD COME IN THE NIGHT, AND +TRANSPOSED THE LETTERING OF HIS NEW SIGN-BOARD. THIS ACCOUNTS FOR THE +COMPLACENCY OF MR. G., AS HE VIEWS THE CROWDS OF PEOPLE OVER THE WAY WHO +STOP TO GAZE AT IT.] + + * * * * * + +COMIC ZOOLOGY, + +Order-Reptilia. + +SPECIES-BULLFROG. + +Although the batrachian is of the genus _bufo_, he is by no means a +_buffo_ genius. He may be styled the solemn organist of the swamp; +slough music being his specialty. Like other out-door performers on wind +instruments, he is chiefly heard in pleasant weather, and during the +summer his organ is without stops. Being a Democrat, he appreciates the +dignity of labor, and consequently is not ashamed to blow his own +bellows. + +Winter shuts the bull-frog up like a four-bladed jack-knife, and he does +not open until the blades are started by the Spring. He seldom leaves +his mud bivouac for active service before April, but a Forward March +sometimes induces him to move earlier. As a rule, however, the smaller +varieties of the species begin to ply their bog-pipes some weeks before +he volunteers a voluntary. + +Originally, this member of the Frog family had no surname, but about two +thousand years ago, in consequence of his disastrous failure in an +attempt to rival a male animal of the bovine species, the prefix "bull" +was incorporated with his patronymic by a crooked little Greek. The +name, however, more appropriately belongs to the Horned Frog of Sumatra. + +The habits of the Bull-Frog are believed by observant naturalists to be +strictly temperate, although there is a rumor afloat that he has been +seen Over the Bay in New-Jersey. It is suspected, however, that the +originators of the story were persons who visited that State to avoid +the restrictions of the Sunday liquor-law, and consequently saw as +through a glass darkly. Be that as it may, it is certain that this +species of reptiles (unlike the "paragon of animals,") is never too +drunk to navigate. + +Mankind is deeply indebted to the Bull-Frog. We should never have known +how to keep our heads above water but for their example, and, though Mr. +CHASE may not be aware of the fact, their greenbacks were the first that +ever issued from the Banks of America. Naturally, therefore, they are in +advance of SALMON, and, long before he put our currency on its present +footing, the hinder limb of a bull-frog was a legal tender. + +The frog exists in most parts of the world, and at one time all the +varieties of the species were Plaguily abundant in Egypt. They were +introduced there to punish the people for their rascality, and appeared +in such numbers among the Egyptian blacklegs that they stopped the game +of PHARAOH. There is nothing poetic in the aspect of the frog. It is +simply a tenaqueous bag of wind, yet it has occasionally given an +impulse to the divine _afflatus_. We have it on the authority of the +celebrated traveller Count SMORLTORK that the distinguished Mrs. LEO +HUNTER, once wrote an "Ode to a Perspiring Frog." + +The costume of a Bull-Frog consists of a green coat with yellow vest and +brownish breeches, and when he requires a change of uniform, he pulls +off the old one and swallows it. This fact has been doubted; but why +should It be deemed incredible? Are there not parallel cases in the +human family? GOLDSMITH tells us that he once lived for a fortnight on +his coat and waistcoat; and every pawnbroker knows that a cast-off suit +often furnishes the material for a family dinner. Why should not a frog +sustain life with his Pants as well as a Christian? + +Common brown frogs are good baits for FISH in most of the counties in +this State; but when you go to HAMILTON try the greenbacks. + +The unlicked cubs of the batrachian family are known (irrespective of +sex) as Pollywogs, and are the meanest of all the reptile race except +the radical Scaliwags. They are all heads and tails, and then, not the +toss of a copper to choose between the two ends, as regards hideousness. +The manner in which the tails are gradually developed into legs is very +curious, but, as this is not a Caudal lecture, it is unnecessary to +describe the process. + +It has been metrically stated that the fast young batrachian goes a +wooing in an Opera hat, irrespective of his mother's consent, but this +assertion is not borne out by BUFFON or CUVIER, and maybe set down as a +_lapsus lyrea_. Upon the whole the Bull-Frog, though harmless as a lamb, +is nearly as stupid as a donkey, which accounts for his taking up his +abode among Morasses, when he might dwell in the woods with the turtle +and "feel like a bird." Furthermore, and finally, the subject is a +slippery one and difficult to handle, and, therefore, with this remark +we drop it. + + * * * * * + +A Clerical Error. + +A PRESBYTERIAN clergyman, the Rev. CHARLES B. SMYTHE, has been +scandalizing a community in New-Jersey by putting gin in his milk, and +that on a Sunday afternoon. From the rebuke administered to Rev. SMYTHE +by the authorities of his church, it appears that his case must have +been a very aggravated one. They admonished him to "walk more correctly +in future;" the inference to be drawn from which is that the amount of +milk-punch, outside of which Rev. SMYTHE had placed himself, was +sufficient to impart a stagger to his gait. + + * * * * * + +Right to a T. + +The employment of Chinese laborers to build railroads is very suggestive +of a well-known product of the Celestial Empire, since railroad tracks +are usually laid with T rails. + + * * * * * + +"What's in a Name?" + +Letters of the Alphabet. + + * * * * * + +A Be-Knighted Set. + +The Canadian Government. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: PUNCHINELLO CORRESPONDENCE.] + +ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. + +_Anxious Inquirer_. Can you give me any clue to the whereabouts of +Collector BAILEY? I have advertised repeatedly for information +concerning him without the slightest success. + +N.B. PUNCHINELLO begs to give notice that he doesn't keep a detective +police agency, but the gentleman in question is said to be in _Esse_. + +_Economist_. Is a gentleman who invites a lady to the theatre obliged to +hire a carriage to take her in? + +_Answer_. Not at all. He can Take her In by not keeping his appointment, +or--he can charter an omnibus if he likes. + +_Vinous_. Can you give me any information about high wines and dry +wines? Can wines be high and not dry, or both high and dry, or how? +Please explain. Was HENRI do BOURBON the last of the Bourbons? + +_Answer_ I. DELMONICO'S _Clos Vouguet_ at $16 per bottle is a high wine +but not a dry wine. It might be, though, if it wasn't wet. II. Not by a +good many. + +X. Please, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, who were CASTOR and POLLUX? + +_Answer_. Twins. (By Gemini you ought to have known that!) + +_Scissors_. Where can I have access to old files of the leading +news-papers? + +_Answer_. In the editorial rooms of the same. You must be brief, +however, as their time is valuable, and these Old Files are apt to be +crusty, if bored. + +_Old Salt_. How can sea-sickness be avoided? + +_Answer_. By never going to sea. + +_Linnaeus_. Does a knowledge of botany necessarily involve a knowledge +of square root and cube root? + +_Answer_. Our correspondent is evidently trying to quiz us. PUNCHINELLO +will pay no attention to levity of this sort. + +_Claude_. I desire to make a few presents to a young lady who is +intellectual but very timid. What shall I give her? + +_Answer_. Presents of Mind. + +_M.C._ I am going to buy a new faro-table for my place up-town--you know +where. What is the best shape and material? + +_Answer_. A Square Deal table generally suite _players_ the best. + +_Williams_. No, sir; the term Fiscal year has no reference to Col. FISK, +Jr. + +_Gardener_. Haydn's Book of Dates is not a Horticultural book. + +_Byron, Jr_. Your verses would be much better if you would pay less +attention to your Feet and more to your Head. + +_M.J.B._ Dear Mr. PUNCHINELLO: Our darling little pet, Tinkums, is not +well, and does nothing but cry all night, to Charlie's great vexation. +What will stop the little darling's crying? + +We would suggest a hot pitch plaster directly over the mouth--that is, +if the child was in the house with us. + + * * * * * + +Ego Sum. + +I am some. (Pumpkins understood.) + + * * * * * + +The Milky Way. + +The road from Orange County. + + * * * * * + +Edwin to Emma. + +Flax Vobiscum. + + * * * * * + +SAILING DIRECTIONS + +FOR ENTERING AND LEAVING YOKOHAMA BAY. + +From our special correspondent if Washington we have received the +following Special Order of the Navy Department, directing United States +men-of-war how to approach and leave Yokohama: + +SPECIAL ORDER NO. 999. + +In consequence of the late disaster to the U.S. sloop Oneida, the +following rules are hereby published for the guidance of vessels of war +approaching the Bay of Yokohama: + +I. On making the land, or if at night, on striking the soundings, all +hands will be called to prayers. + +II. After prayers all boats will be lowered and towed astern, to be out +of the way of damage. + +III. The gunner, under direction of the executive officer, will dismount +all guns, and strike them into the hold. The reasons for this action +will be at once apparent to commanders of vessels, when they reflect +that, in case of collision, the guns would be useless as signals, owing +to the extraordinary deafness of the officers belonging to the +Peninsular and Oriental Mail Steamship Company; and a reference to the +details of the Oneida's disaster will show the danger of the guns +breaking loose and destroying human life. They will, therefore, be at +once stowed in the hold. + +IV. On entering the bay, the helm must be kept amidships. The rule of +the road, according to English interpretation, is so difficult of +comprehension that the above is by far the safest plan. + +V. Each officer and man will be directed to secure upon his person such +valuables belonging to him as he can conveniently carry. + +VI. Finally, it shall be the duty of the commander to see that all hands +are provided with life-preservers. + +VII. The same rules will apply to vessels leaving Yokohama and +proceeding to sea. + +VIII. Having taken the above precautions, vessels may stand boldly into +the bay, and in case they are run into and sunk by any other vessel (say +for example one of the Peninsular and Oriental Company's ships) their +officers and men will stand some little chance of saving their lives. +But should all precautions fail, the gallant crew will be no doubt +greatly consoled, as they sink to their graves, by the reflection that a +pious Congress will pass resolutions of sympathy for their widows and +orphans. + + * * * * * + +A PLEA FOR PROTECTION. + +MR. PUNCHINELLO: I like your paper, though it is altogether too light +and trifling in its treatment of serious subjects. Besides, it never +treats of any thing serious. This won't do. The earnest men and women of +the nation require something better at your hands. I have an essay on +the "Origin of Evil," which I forward to you by this mail, and which, +when published, will give an entirely different character to your +journal. I want you, moreover, to advocate our American doctrine of +Protection. Even our ablest statesmen, KELLEY, GREELEY, and DANIEL +PRATT, have never carried this doctrine far enough. They are willing to +protect American iron-masters by prohibiting the introduction of foreign +iron, but why don't they protect American laborers by forbidding foreign +workmen to land on our shores? I demand protection for the native +ditcher. Forbid the Irishmen to land here and to lower the price of +labor by competing with our own ditch-diggers. Put a stop to the influx +of German tailors and bootmakers, who prevent native artists from +earning the wages that would otherwise be theirs. Protect our authors by +prohibiting the sale of works written by foreigners. Keep all foreign +pictures out of the country, and give our own POWELLS and ROSSITERS a +chance. And, above all, protect our American girls by preventing any +pretty English, French, or German girls from coming in competition with +them. These foreign girls bring their pretty faces here and glut the +matrimonial market. The fewer the marriageable girls, the higher their +market value. We protect iron-workers, and decline to protect our own +daughters. This is an outrage. Shall we prevent the railroad companies +from laying rails made of foreign iron, and permit husbands to marry +foreign wives? Every patriotic and protectionist instinct revolts +against it. I want you to take this matter up. Let us have no more +foreign manufactures, foreign iron, foreign books, foreign laborers, or +foreign girls. This is the true American system, and I look to you to +aid in carrying it out. MOTHER CAREY. + + * * * * * + +PUNCHINELLO IS SORRY. + +Alas! it is with tears in his eyes, albeit unaccustomed to such humor, +that PUNCHINELLO condoles with the ladies of Massachusetts on the defeat +of the proposition to endow them with the right of suffrage. The Puritan +Patriots in the State Legislature, who unanimously recognize the "inborn +right" of the black field-hands of South Carolina and Georgia to make +laws for the white women of the Republic, have scornfully denied, by a +vote of 133 to 68, that the white women aforesaid have any political +rights at all; thus officially proclaiming to the world that they +consider their wives, their daughters, and the mothers that bore them, +inferior to the ignorant male African; unworthy to vote with him at the +polls or to sit with him in council. + +PUNCHINELLO is aware that the ladies of Massachusetts had set their +hearts upon rising to the negro level "before the law," and can +therefore appreciate their disappointment; but they ought to have known +that neither the ties of nature, the bonds of wedlock, nor the claims of +intelligence, are of any force in the Home of the Pilgrims, as compared +with the influence of the Ebony Lords of Creation, whoso reign as +sovereigns commenced with the ratification of the Fifteenth Amendment. + +The STANTONS, the BLACKWELLS, and the ANTHONYS, the Members of the +Women's Parliament and the Sisters of Sorosis, advocated negro suffrage +with the full expectation of sharing the franchise with PETE and CUFF; +but alas! while these wool-dyed Africans are conducted in triumph to the +ballot-box, _they_ are ignominiously thrust back from it. For this black +wrong there is no colorable pretext. There is not a shade of excuse for +it, and PUNCHINELLO hopes that it will open the eyes of the ladies of +the land, and prevent them henceforth and for ever from placing the +slightest confidence in the gallantry or impartiality of the Puritanic +prigs of New-England. + + * * * * * + +ASTRONOMICAL CONVERSATIONS. + +[BY A FATHER AND DAUGHTER RESIDING ON THE PLANET VENUS.] + +No. III. + +_D._ Now then, father, for that Description of the Telescope! + +_F._ Very well, my child. The great Object of the telescope-- + +_D._ Is the Object-Glass, is it not, father? + +_F._ Come, come, HELENE; no nonsense, now. The great object had in view +by the inventors of the telescope-- + +_D._ Father, don't you mean the Great Object they _expected_ to have in +view, when they got it made; a Distant World, for instance? + +_F._ Pshaw, child! be serious. Don't spoil a good thing by untimely +interjections. They are as mal a propos as a mosquito coming across the +Field of View. + +_D._ I'd rather he'd do that than come across _me!_ + +_F._ Well, HELENE, you are positively exasperating! + +_D._ Not more so than your mosquito. + +_F._ Well, I declare--this is too bad! + +_D._ So is his bite! + +_F._ Well, well; I must walk out and take the air. [_Going_] + +_D._ Yes, pa, (and see that you don't take anything else!) Now, then! +for a grand look for my Charmer! Really, I am getting quite Earthly! +[_Looks through the instrument a few moments_] Why, what is this? Oh, +pshaw! I see! I've got JUPITER by mistake! I mistook one of his Belts +for a new Belt Railroad. It would have been a Big Thing, that railroad; +not less than 75,000 miles long, as I figure it. Perhaps those Belts +_are_ Railroads! Perhaps they have Rings there, as they have at Saturn, +only less conspicuous. JUPITER is rather a Slushy planet, if I am +correct in regard to its Specific Gravity; of about the consistency, +perhaps, of the New-York Poultice Pavement I've been reading about. I +should think that JUPITER'S lack of gravity and consistency would make +him a favorite with Aldermen--not the less for having so many +Satellites. I wonder if the New Charter is the celebrated Magna Charter +under a new name? Probably it is no better. Oh, dear! the annoyance of +living so far away! Nothing here attracts me. The distant, the +unattainable, is all I think or care about! + +F. [_Coming in quietly._] What's that, HELENE, about the charms of +the Unattainable? You don't seem to see any thing very attractive in +MERCURY or MARS! + +_D._ Well, some things may be both unattainable and undesirable. That's +the case with the little thieving god MERCURY, and that big red-skinned +Prize-Fighter, MARS. I can't understand, however, why these disreputable +deities should he worshipped in your favorite New-York. + +_F._ Well, as near as I can see, (a matter of a few million miles, more +or less,) when you speak of Worship, they have more regard there for +Millinery than any thing else. The Christian Religion is based on +Humility, which has Purity and Simplicity for her Handmaids. Look into +some of these New-York churches! see how the jewels glisten, the rich +stuffs fall gracefully in massive folds. Observe the sumptuousness, the +elaborate display! A fine Humility this! Then look at the ceremonial. +Here is a church edifice, belonging to a denomination that assumes to be +Decent and Orderly in ceremony. Is it so in _this_ church? What means +all this tawdriness of color, the crimson, the blue, the gold; what +signify these fantastic designs and figures, these monkey-like +genuflexions; this wilderness of sign and symbol, this elaborate +abasement, this theatrical show of exaltation? This an improvement on +the old dignified simplicity? Do you tell me that childishness, and +prettiness, and pettiness, are valid substitutes for a genuine, manly +modesty and simplicity? + +_D._ (Oh, dear! he's been drinking again! How bitter the Bitters do make +him!) Look! Father, come, quick! Here is a Railroad Accident, such as +you have often wished to see. Two trains have collided, and both have +rolled down an embankment at least seventy feet high! into a river, I do +declare! They are all lost! + +_F._ Do let me see at once, HELENE I [_Looks eagerly._] Ah, yes; all +gone; nothing visible but one smoke-pipe, three stove-pipe hats, four +bits of orange-peel, some pea-nut shells, and thirteen copies of the +_New-York Ledger_. Sad fate! But see! Some dry-goods-no, a young lady +flounders along toward the shore! The bystanders rush up; she is nearly +exhausted; pants rapidly; they congratulate her. A well-dressed young +man approaches. She instantly begins to think of her looks; her hand +flies to her back hair. Heavens! there is so much gone there that she +shrieks in alarm! Her fall in the water has detached her Waterfall! +_That_ gone, every thing is gone! She springs to her feet! Glancing +hurriedly over the watery waste, now plentifully strewn with fans, +little canes, and certain objects which are either mail-bags or +_chignons_, she descries her better part, and with a wild cry, (as when +a mother rescues her babe from tigers,) dashes in and seizes the darling +object! She presses it to her lips, and impetuously breaks for the +shore! Alas! too late, by about ten and a half seconds! "Save it!" she +seems to cry; tosses the wad ashore, and down she goes, with her hand on +the back of her head, her last thoughts, evidently, more or less, +connected with that sympathizing young man on the bank above. + +_D._ Father, you talk like a brute! Have you no feeling? Boo-hoo +hoo-hoo! + +_F._ Child, I am _all_ feeling. Boo-hoo-hoo-too! + + * * * * * + +HORTICULTURAL HINTS. + +KITCHEN GARDEN.--Plant pickles early, if you are up in time; if not, +later. But don't eat them late, unless you are equally fond of +dyspepsia. + +In planting peas, select that kind that does not grow hard and yellow; +that is, unless you supply boarding-houses, or have a government +contract for the supply of shot. + +Grated turnips, mixed with horse-radish, for the table, will assuage +one's grief for one's grandmother. + +Rice-puddings can be grown, ready-made, by sowing rice with cowcumbers. +Try it. + +NURSERY.--Transplant from hot-beds to bath-tub as soon as possible, +using sponge with palm-soap and cold water. Top-dress with comb and +brush. Trim limbs according to age. Train with rods. Much depends on +starting right, so start to school right after breakfast. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A, T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | HAVE MADE | + | | + | LARGE ADDITIONS | + | | + | TO ALL THEIR | + | | + | Popular--Stocks | + | | + | Bareges, Organdies, | + | | + | JACONETS, PERCALES, Embroideries, Laces, | + | | + | LADIES AND CHILDREN'S | + | | + | UNDERGARMENTS, | + | | + | Dresses, Sacques, | + | | + | BOURNOUS, SHAWLS, | + | | + | Real India Camels Hair Shawls, | + | | + | 53c EACH AND UPWARDS, | + | | + | PARIS AND DOMESTIC MADE | + | | + | LADIES' HATS, BONNETS, &C | + | | + | AND A VARIETY OF | + | | + | MILLINERY ARTICLES. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | Fourth Ave., Ninth and Tenth Sts. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A, T, STEWART & CO, | + | | + | OFFER | + | | + | THE MOST EXTENSIVE AND | + | | + | SELECT ASSORTMENT | + | | + | IN THE CITY OF | + | | + | Ladies' and Gentlemen's | + | | + | FURNISHING GOODS | + | | + | AND WILL CONTINUE TO RECEIVE BY EACH AND | + | EVERY STEAMER THE LATEST | + | | + | PARIS AND LONDON NOVELTIES. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | Fourth Avenue, Ninth and Tenth Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | ARE OFFERING | + | | + | EXTRAORDINARY INDUCEMENTS TO | + | | + | HOUSEKEEPERS, | + | | + | IN | + | | + | LINENS, SHEETINGS, | + | | + | Damasks, Napkins, | + | | + | TOWELINGS, DRESS LINENS, | + | | + | PRINTED LINENS, | + | | + | FLANNELS, BLANKETS, QUILTS, | + | | + | COUNTERPANES, | + | | + | BLEACHED AND BROWN COTTONS, | + | | + | SHEETINGS, ETC., | + | | + | CARPETS, | + | | + | UPHOLSTERY GOODS, | + | | + | CURTAINS, | + | | + | CURTAIN MATERIALS, | + | | + | Cocoa and Canton Matting, | + | | + | English and Domestic Oil Cloths, | + | etc., etc., etc. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Ave., 9th and 10th Sts. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | SPECIAL | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PREMIUMS. | + | | + | By special arrangement with | + | | + | L. Prange & Co., | + | | + | we offer the following Elegant Premiums for new Subscribers | + | to PUNCHINELLO: | + | | + | "Awakening." (A Litter of Puppies.) Half Chromo, size, 8-3/8 | + | by 11-1/8, price $2.00, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO for one | + | year, for $4.00. | + | | + | "Wild Roses." Chromo, 12-1/8 by 9, price $3.00, or any other | + | $3.00 Chromo, and a copy of the paper for one year for | + | $5.00. | + | | + | "The Baby in Trouble." Chromo, 13 by 16-1/4, price $6.00 or | + | any other at $6.00, or any two Chromos at $3.00, and a copy | + | of the paper for one year, for $6.00. | + | | + | "Sunset,--California Scenery," after A. Bierstadt, | + | | + | 18-1/8 by 12, price $10.00, or any other $10.00 Chromo, and | + | a copy of the paper for one year for $10.00. Or the four | + | Chromos, and four copies of the paper for one year in one | + | order, for clubs of Four, for $23.00. | + | | + | We will send to any one a printed list of L. PRANG & CO.'S | + | Chromos, from which a selection can be made, if the above is | + | not satisfactory, and are prepared to make special terms for | + | clubs to any amount, and to agents. | + | | + | Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, | + | twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter in advance; | + | the CHROMOS will be _mailed free_ on receipt of money. | + | | + | Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank | + | Checks on New-York, or Registered letters. The paper will be | + | sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not | + | otherwise ordered. | + | | + | Now is the time to subscribe, as these Premiums will be | + | offered for a limited time only. On receipt of a | + | postage-stamp we will send a copy of No. 1 to any one | + | desiring to get up a club. | + | | + | Address | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New-York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +[Illustration: THE LOBBY OF THE FUTURE. + +SHOWING THE WAY IN WHICH ANY GOOD-LOOKING MEMBER OF CONGRESS MAY BE +LIABLE TO "INTERVIEWING" WHEN LOVELY WOMAN SHALL HAVE OBTAINED THE RIGHT +OF SUFFRAGE.] + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | "The Printing House of the United States." | + | | + | GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., | + | | + | General JOB PRINTERS, | + | BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | + | STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail, | + | LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers, | + | COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, | + | CARD Manufacturers, | + | ENVELOPE Manufacturers, | + | FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. | + | | + | 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., | + | 73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE ST., New-York. | + | | + | ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under immediate | + | supervision of the proprietors. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bowling Green Savings-Bank, | + | 33 BROADWAY, | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + | _Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M._ | + | | + | Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents to Ten | + | Thousand Dollars, will be received. | + | | + | Six Per Cent Interest, Free of | + | Government Tax. | + | | + | INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS | + | Commences on the first of every month. | + | | + | HENRY SMITH, _President_. | + | REEVES E. SELMES, _Secretary_. | + | | + | WALTER ROCHE, EDWARD HOGAN, | + | _Vice-Presidents_. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PRANG'S CHROMOS are celebrated for their close resemblance | + | to oil paintings. Sold in all Art Stores throughout the | + | world. PRANG'S LATEST CHROMOS: "Four Seasons," by J. M. | + | Hart. Illustrated Catalogues sent free on receipt of stamp | + | by | + | | + | L. PRANG & CO., Boston. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +PUNCHINELLO: + +TERMS TO CLUBS. + +WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS + +FIRST: + +DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER, + +The most complete and desirable machine ever yet introduced for spinning +purposes. + +SECOND: + +BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES. + +These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, as well as useful; +and every lady should have one, as they can make every conceivable kind +of crochet or fancy work upon them. + +THIRD: + +BICKFORD'S AUTOMATIC FAMILY KNITTER. + +This is the most perfect and complete machine in the world. It knits +every thing. + +FOURTH: + +AMERICAN BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND SEWING-MACHINE. + +This great combination machine is the last and greatest improvement on +all former machines. No. 1, with finely finished Oiled Walnut Table and +Cover, complete, price, $75. No. 2, same machine without the buttonhole +parts, etc., price, $60. + +WE WILL SEND THE + + Family Spinner, price, $8, for 4 subscribers and $16. + No.1 Crochet, " 8, " 4 " " 16. + " 2 " " 15, " 6 " " 24. + " 1 Automatic Knitter, 72 needles, 30, " 12 " " 48. + " 2 " " 84 needles, 33, " 13 " " 52. + No.3 Automatic Knitter, 100 needles, 37, for 15 subscribers and $60. + " 4 " " 2 cylinders, 33, " 13 " " 52. + 1 72 needles 40. " 16 " " 64. + 1 100 needles + +No. 1 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, + price, $75, for 30 subscribers and $120. + +No. 2 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, + without buttonhole parts, etc., price, $60, for 25 subscribers and $100. + +Descriptive Circulars + +Of all these machines will be sent upon application to this office, and +full instructions for working them will be sent to purchasers. + +Parties getting up Clubs preferring cash to premiums, may deduct +seventy-five cents upon each full subscription sent for four subscribers +and upward, and after the first remittance for four subscribers may send +single names as they obtain them, deducting the commission. + +Remittances should be made in Post-Office Orders, Bank Checks, or Drafts +on New-York City; or if these can not be obtained, then by Registered +Letters, which any post-master will furnish. + +Charges on money sent by express must be prepaid, or the net amount only +will be credited. + +Directions for shipping machines must be full and explicit, to prevent +error. In sending subscriptions give address, with Town, County, and +State. + +The postage on this paper will be twenty cents per year, payable +quarterly in advance, at the place where it is received. Subscribers in +the British Provinces will remit twenty cants in addition to +subscription. + +All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to +P.O. Box 2783. + + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY + +No. 83 Nassau Street, + +NEW-YORK + + * * * * * + +S. W. GREEN. PRINTER, CORNER JACOB AND FRANKFORT STREETS. + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 8, May 21, +1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, MAY 21, 1870 *** + +***** This file should be named 9962.txt or 9962.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/9/9/6/9962/ + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve +Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. |