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diff --git a/9960-h/9960-h.htm b/9960-h/9960-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..841cc4a --- /dev/null +++ b/9960-h/9960-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3159 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of PUNCHINELLO Vol. 1, No. 6.</title> +<link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg"> +<style type="text/css"> + +body { margin-left: 20%; + margin-right: 20%; + text-align: justify; } + +h1, h2, h3, h4, h5 {text-align: center; font-style: normal; font-weight: +normal; line-height: 1.5; margin-top: .5em; margin-bottom: .5em;} + +h1 {font-size: 300%; + margin-top: 0.6em; + margin-bottom: 0.6em; + letter-spacing: 0.12em; + word-spacing: 0.2em; + text-indent: 0em;} +h2 {font-size: 150%; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 1em;} +h3 {font-size: 150%; margin-top: 2em;} +h4 {font-size: 120%;} +h5 {font-size: 110%;} + +hr {width: 80%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;} + +p {text-indent: 1em; + margin-top: 0.25em; + margin-bottom: 0.25em; } + +p.center {text-align: center; + text-indent: 0em; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; } + +div.fig { display:block; + margin:0 auto; + text-align:center; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em;} + +p.caption {font-weight: bold; + text-align: center; } + + </style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 6, May 7, 1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 6, May 7, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: November 5, 2003 [EBook #9960] +[Most recently updated: July 13, 2020] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, MAY 7, 1870 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" align="center" border="1" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="33%"> + <center><small style="font-weight: bold;"> NEARLY READY.</small><br> + <br> + <b>ALASKA and its RESOURCES.</b><br> + <br> +By W. H. DALL,<br> + <br> +Director of the Scientific Corps of the Western Union Telegraph<br> +Expedition.<br> +<br> +Full Octavo, with nearly One Hundred Elegant Illustrations, engraved by<br> +the late JOHN ANDREW, from drawings by the Author. This volume contains<br> +not only the record of a THREE YEARS residence in Alaska—made under the<br> +most favorable circumstances for explorations—but a complete history of<br> +the country gathered from every available source. It is very full in<br> +details of Productions, Climate, Soil, Temperature, Language, the<br> +Manners and Customs of its peoples, etc., etc.; and is the most<br> +valuable, as well as the most authentic, addition to the history of<br> +Alaska. And is one of the most elegant books issued in America.<br> + <br> + <b>LEE & SHEPARD, Boston.</b><br> + </center> + </td> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p>TO NEWS-DEALERS.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>PUNCHINELLO'S MONTHLY.</big></p> + <p>THE FIVE NUMBERS FOR APRIL,</p> + <p>Bound in a Handsome Cover,</p> + <p>Will be ready May 2d. Price, Fifty Cents.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">THE TRADE</p> + <p>Supplied by the</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY,</p> + <p>Who are now prepared to receive Orders.</p> + </center> + </td> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p>HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>STEEL PENS.</big></p> + <p>These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and cheaper +than any other Pen in the market. Special attention is called +to the following grades, as being better suited for business +purposes than any Pen manufactured. The</p> + <p><b>"505," "22,"</b> and the <b>"Anti-Corrosive."</b></p> + <p>We recommend for bank and office use.</p> + <p><b>D. APPLETON & CO.,</b> <b>Sole Agents for United +States.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> + +<div class="fig" style="width:100%;"> +<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="522" height="600" alt="[Illustration: Vol. 1. No. 6.]"> +</div> + +<h1>PUNCHINELLO</h1> + +<h2>Vol. I. No. 6.</h2> + +<p class="center">SATURDAY, MAY 7, 1870.</p> + +<br> +<br> + +<h3>PUBLISHED BY THE</h3> + +<br> + +<h3>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</h3> + +<br> +<br> + +<h4>83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.</h4> + +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<p> +<i>CONANT'S PATENT BINDERS for "Punchinello," to preserve the paper for +binding, will be sent, postpaid, on receipt of One Dollar, by "Punchinello +Publishing Company," 83 Nassau Street, New-York City.</i> +</p> + +<br> +<br> +<br> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" align="center" border="1" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p>APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN</p> + <p><b>"PUNCHINELLO"</b></p> + <p>SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO</p> + <p>J. NICKINSON,</p> + <p>Room No. 4,</p> + <p>83 NASSAU STREET.</p> + </td> + <td align="center" rowspan="2"><big><big><big><span + style="font-weight: bold;">HERCULES</span><br + style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">MUTUAL</span></big></big></big><br> + <br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">LIFE ASSURANCE SOCIETY</span></big><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">OF THE UNITED STATES</span><br> + <br> +No. 240 Broadway, New-York.<br> + <br> +POLICIES NON-FORFEITABLE.<br> + <br> +All Policies<br> + <br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Entitled to Participation +in Profits</span></big>.<br> + <br> +Dividends Declared Annually.<br> + <br> +JAMES D. REYMERT, President.<br> + <br> +ASHER S. MILLS, Secretary<br> + <br> +THOMAS H. WHITE, M.D., Medical Examiner.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ACTIVE AGENTS WANTED.</span><br> + </td> + <td align="center" rowspan="2"> + <p><b>Mercantile Library,</b></p> + <p>Clinton Hall, Astor Place</p> + <p>New-York.</p> + <p>This is now the largest circulating Library In America, the +number of volumes on its shelves being 114,000. About +1000 volumes are added each month; and very large purchases +are made of all new and popular works.</p> + <p>Books are delivered at members' residences for five cents each +delivery.</p> + <p>TERMS OF MEMBERSHIP:</p> + <p>TO CLERKS,</p> + <p>$1 Initiation, $3 Annual Dues.</p> + <p>TO OTHERS, $5 a year.</p> + <p>SUBSCRIPTIONS TAKEN FOR +SIX MONTHS.</p> + <p><b>BRANCH OFFICES</b></p> + <p>NO. 76 CEDAR STREET, NEW-YORK,</p> + <p>AND AT</p> + <p>Yonkers, Norwalk, Stamford, and Elizabeth.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p>The Greatest Horse Book ever Published.</p> + <p>HIRAM WOODRUFF +on the <b>TROTTING HORSE OF AMERICA!</b></p> + <p><i>How to Train and Drive Him.</i></p> + <p>With Reminiscenses of the Trotting Turf. A handsome 12mo, +with a splendid steel-plate portrait of Hiram Woodruff. Price, +extra cloth, $2.25.</p> + <p>The New-York Tribune says: <i>"This is a Masterly Treatise +by the Master of his Profession</i>—the ripened product of +forty years' experience in Handling, Training, Riding, and +Driving the Trotting Horse. There is no book like it in any +language on the subject of which it treats."</p> + <p><b>Bonner</b> says in the <i>Ledger</i>, "It is a book for +which every +man who owns a horse ought to subscribe. The information +which it contains is worth ten times its cost." For sale by all +booksellers, or single copies sent postpaid on receipt of price.</p> + <p>Agents wanted.</p> + <p><b> J. B. FORD & CO,</b> +Printing-House Square, New-York.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p>Thomas J. Rayner & Co.,</p> + <p>29 LIBERTY STREET,</p> + <p>New-York,</p> + <p>MANUFACTURERS OF THE</p> + <p><i>Finest Cigars made in the United States.</i></p> + <p>All sizes and styles. Prices very moderate. Samples sent to +any responsible house. Also Importers of the</p> + <p><b>"FUSBOS" BRAND,</b></p> + <p>Equal in quality to the best of the Havana market, and from +ten to twenty per cent cheaper.</p> + <p>Restaurant, Bar, Hotel, and Saloon trade will save money by +calling at</p> + <p><b>29 LIBERTY STREET</b></p> + </td> + <td align="center" rowspan="3"> + <h2>PUNCHINELLO.</h2> + <p><small>With a large and varied experience in the management +and publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and with +the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital to justify +the undertaking, the</small></p> + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.</b></p> + <p><small>OF THE CITY OF NEW-YORK,</small></p> + <p><small>Presents to the public for approval, the</small></p> + <p><b>NEW ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL</b></p> + <p>WEEKLY PAPER,</p> + <p><big><big><b>PUNCHINELLO,</b></big></big></p> + <p>The first number of which will be issued under date of April +2.<br> + </p> + <p>PUNCHINELLO will be entirely original; humorous and witty, +without vulgarity, and satirical without malice. It will be printed on a +superior tinted paper of sixteen pages, size 13 by 9, and will be for +sale by all respectable newsdealers who have the judgment to know a +good thing when they see it, or by subscription from this office.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">ORIGINAL ARTICLES,</p> + <p>Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive +ideas +or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the day, are +always acceptable, and will be paid for liberally.</p> + <p>Rejected communications can not be returned, unless postage +stamps are inclosed.</p> + <p><b>TERMS:</b></p> + <p>One copy, per year, in advance $4.00</p> + <p>Single copies, ten cents.</p> + <p>A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten +cents.</p> + <p>One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other +magazine or paper, price $2.50, for 5.50</p> + <p>One copy, with any magazine or paper, price $4, for 7.00</p> + <p>All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to</p> + <p>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</p> + <p>No. 83 Nassau Street</p> + <p>NEW-YORK</p> + <p>P.O. Box, 2783.</p> + <p><i>(For terms to Clubs, see 16th page.)</i></p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p>AMERICAN</p> + <p><b>BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING,</b></p> + <p>AND</p> + <p><big>SEWING-MACHINE CO.,</big></p> + <p><b>563 Broadway, New-York.</b></p> + <p>This great combination machine is the last and greatest +improvement on all former machines, making, in addition to all +work done on best Lock-Stitch machines, beautiful</p> + <p>BUTTON AND EYELET HOLES;</p> + <p>in all fabrics.</p> + <p>Machine, with finely finished</p> + <p>OILED WALNUT TABLE AND COVER</p> + <p>complete, $75. Same machine, without the buttonhole parts, +$60. This last is beyond all question the simplest, easiest to +manage and to keep in order, of any machine in the market. +Machines warranted, and full instruction given to purchasers.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center">Notice to Ladies.<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">DIBBLEE,</span></big></big><br> + <br> +Of 854 Broadway,<br> + <br> +Has just received a large assortment of all the latest styles of<br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Chignons, Chatelaines, etc.</span><br> + <br> + <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">FROM PARIS</span></small>,<br> + <br> +Comprising the following beautiful varieties:<br> + <br> +La Coquette, La Plenitude, <br> +Le Bouquet,<br> +La Sirene, L'Imperatrice, etc.,<br> + <br> +At prices varying from $2 upward.</td> + <td rowspan="2" align="center"> + <p><b>HENRY SPEAR</b></p> + <p>STATIONER, PRINTER</p> + <p>AND</p> + <p><b>BLANK BOOK MANUFACTURER.</b></p> + <p>ACCOUNT BOOKS</p> + <p>MADE TO ORDER.</p> + <p><b>PRINTING OF EVERY DESCRIPTION.</b></p> + <p>82 Wall Street,</p> + <p>NEW-YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p>WEVILL & HAMMAR,</p> + <p><b>Wood Engravers,</b></p> + <p>No. 208 BROADWAY,</p> + <p>NEW-YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<br> +<br> +<br> + +<div class="fig" style="width:100%;"> +<img src="images/02.jpg" width="600" height="651" alt="Illustration: YE YONGE MANNE OF MANHATTAN"> +<p class="caption"><b>Ye Yonge Manne is born, and his parents hasten with him to ye abode of<br> +ye BROWN, praying that he may be christened among ye upper tenne.<br> +<br> +And when ye Yonge Manne takes a daughter of ye upper tenne to wife, ye<br> +BROWN sees that he is married in ye BROWN his church.<br> +<br> +Ye BROWN demands if ye parents put in their coal in ye Summer time; and,<br> +being told that they do, he has ye Yonge Manne christened in his church,<br> +and when he grows up ye BROWN introduces him into Society.<br> +<br> +And when ye Yonge Manne he dies, ye BROWN arranges with all ye gardeners<br> +and black-goods men. And so, ye Yonge Manne, he is done entirely BROWN.</b></p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<p> +<span style="font-weight: bold;">THE BACHELOR'S MOVING-DAY.</span><br> +<br> + AHA!<br> + A mere half-hour's bother!<br> + Suppose I were a father—<br> +A luckless wight, called "Pa"!<br> +<br> + I'd say,<br> + "Now curse the restless rover<br> + That first (despising clover!)<br> +Invented Moving-day!"<br> +<br> + O yes!<br> + Especially, if moving<br> + Was likely to be proving<br> +(As usual) a mess!<br> +<br> + Why, look!<br> + You've got no end of articles.<br> + Sure to be smashed to particles,<br> +Or "snaked off" with a "hook"!<br> +<br> + You've got<br> + Chairs, bedsteads, tables, crockery—<br> + (Recital seems a mockery!)<br> +You've got—what have you not?<br> +<br> + What's worse,<br> + Your things won't fit new places,<br> + Your wife won't like new faces—<br> +Your very maid will curse!<br> +<br> + Your hat<br> + And other things <i>do</i> fall so!<br> + And children they <i>do</i> bawl so!<br> +Good heavens! think of that,<br> +<br> + And think<br> + Of possible colds and fevers—<br> + Cartmen that prove deceivers—<br> +Nothing to eat or drink!<br> +<br> + Small bliss<br> + For bachelors so lonely—.<br> + Tired of one thing only:<br> +But they escape all this!<br> +<br> + And pray,<br> + What man with sons and daughters<br> + Don't sigh for bachelor quarters<br> +About the First of May?<br> +</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<p> +<small>Printed, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of +the United States, for the Southern District of New York.</small> +</p> + +<br> +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"><br> + +<span style="font-weight: bold;">THE DELIGHTS OF DOUGHERTY.</span><br> + +<p> +At the Banquet of the Army of the Potomac in Philadelphia, Mr. DANIEL DOUGHERTY +made one of the most extraordinary speeches on record, if we except certain +forensic efforts of Mr. PUNCHINELLO delivered during the earlier stages of his +career from his box. Mr. DOUGHERTY is a Soarer, and a Spreader, and a Screamer. +Speaking metaphorically, be goes higher, measures more from the tip of one wing +to the other, and is more suggestive of the warbling of a locomotive in his +speech than any other Eagle in Philadelphia, which is saying a great deal. +DANIEL is a Giant of Rhetoric, and would remind us of the Big Gentleman from +Cardiff, only that mysterious personage is too heavy to Soar; for which reason +he usually occupies the ground floor, which Mr. DOUGHERTY does not do by any +manner of means. +</p> + +<p> +It was this extraordinary capacity of Mr. DOUGHERTY for Soaring which caused +him to be called upon by the Army of the Potomac for a speech. The great D. +begins by declaring that he would rather speak for his country than for +Pennsylvania, which, considering that he also declared that he came "as a +modest spectator," does not strike us as the depth of humility. However, "my +bosom," said Mr. D., "is not confined to any locality;" and we believe that Mr. +PECKSNIFF said something like this of his own frontal linen. Yet, we should +like to know what Mr. DOUGHERTY does for a chest when his own has gone upon its +extensive journeys; something temporary is done, we suppose, with a pad. But +the Bosom was at the Banquet, and the proprietor was there to thump it, until +it must have sounded and reverberated; and if Mr. DOUGHERTY had also thumped +his head, there would have been equal evidence of hollowness within. "May my +tongue never prove a traitor!" cried the orator. Mr. PUNCHINELLO hastens to +reassure him. The tongue is well enough, and is likely to be. It's something a +little higher up that is likely to give out. +</p> + +<p> +If the applause of the brave men before him was what Mr. DOUGHERTY wanted, +(besides his dinner,) then of applause he got the Stomach under his Bosom full. +The speech was received, according to the reporters, with a roaring which has +not been equalled since the Lions in the Den roared at the other DANIEL, until +they found that the good man was neither to be roared or sneezed at with +impunity. The cheering was "tremendous." The cheering was "terrific." The +cheering was "prolonged." And there stood "the Bosom not confined to any +locality," but just then swelling, and expanding, and dilating—shall we +for once be fine, and say like an Ocean Billow? Voices which shouted at +Gettysburg now hailed Mr. DANIEL DOUGHERTY as a Conquering Hero—the +conqueror of their cars! Once in a while there was "great laughter" when Mr. +D.D. hadn't said any thing specially funny—that is, if Mr. PUNCHINELLO is +a judge of fun; and if he isn't, who in all the world is? There are two kinds +of laughter—the laughing at and the laughing with; and we have known +"tremendous" and even "vociferous" applause to be very suspicious. +</p> + +<p> +It must be a source of calm satisfaction to General GRANT to know that he is +considered the "great and glorious GRANT" by Mr. DANIEL DOUGHERTY; although +DANIEL once considered Mr. BUCHANAN, poor man! to be equally "great and +glorious." So DANIEL also considers SHERMAN to be "immortal," and SHERIDAN +"unconquerable," and MEADE "glorious." Adjectives are cheap, you know; and +D.D., Esq., has evidently a great stock of them in his Wandering Bosom. Only, +great soldiers, who know the precise value of Mr. DOUGHERTY'S military +opinions, might not care to have them laid on too thickly. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. PUNCHINELLO has written to Mr. DOUGHERTY'S Family Doctor to inquire into +the state of Mr. D's health after this tremendous effort, and he sends us a +bulletin that Mr. D. is "as well as could be expected." We do not know what he +means by this; it seems to us to lack scientific precision. The point upon +which we wished to be informed was, whether Mr. D. did or did not break any +thing—not the tumblers on the table, for that we should expect; but any +thing in the way of blood-vessels. Not to put too fine a point upon it, How's +the Bosom? +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"><br> + +<p><b>AMERICAN CUTLERY IN FRANCE.</b></p> + +<p> +The great pride, the <i>dulce decus</i> of Americans, has long been in their +pocket hardware, and the skill with which they use it. But we must henceforth +look to our laurels. France is competing alarmingly with us in the use of the +revolver. They were always a revolutionary people, were the French, and +revolving seems, therefore, to suit their temper to a T, (Gunpowder T, of +course.) Since the slaying of NOIR by BONAPARTE, the affectation of readiness +with the pistol has become quite the thing in Paris. New-York and Paris will +soon be exactly alike in the bullet business—especially Paris. PAUL DE +CASSAGNAC, it seems, has been invited by some anonymous person to meet him at a +certain hour in front of the <i>mairie</i> of the Seventeenth +<i>arrondissement</i>, for the purpose of having his brains removed with a +revolver. PAUL declined to go, however. The <i>Mairie</i> mentioned in the +cartel was not the one for PAUL. Probably he would have gone to VIRGINIA, had +he been invited to do so; but never a MAIRIE for the faithful PAUL. And might +have come by way of New-York, where he would soon have grown so used to having +his brains removed with a revolver that the process would have become a +pleasure to him. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"><br> + +<p><b>PHILADELVINGS.</b></p> + +<p> +PUNCHINELLO cannot help liking Philadelphia, and always feels a pang of +sympathy whenever any thing happens to that plain old city. One reason for this +is, (and he is not ashamed of the weakness,) that Philadelphia likes +PUNCHINELLO and takes, weekly, he would not be vain enough to say how many +hundred copies of his journal. And now Philamaclink, as her natives love to +call her, is afflicted with a terrible disease—a fearful attack of +chronic Legislature. Even when the active symptoms of this dread malady have +subsided, the effects linger, and the consequent suffering is excruciating. One +of the direst of the effects of the last attack is a dreadful bill—not a +bile—which has caused a utilization sewage company to appear upon her +body corporate. It is almost impossible for sister cities to understand the +torments of such an affliction. Nobody can now clear away their own +dirt—Councils, Board of Health, or any body else. If rooms are swept, the +sewage company must take up the dust; if a pig-pen or a stable needs cleaning, +the company must do it; if the lady of a house throws the slops out of her +breakfast cups, the company must carry them away; if a man knocks the ashes +from his cigar, he must save them for the company; if, anywhere in the city, a +foul word is spoken, the company must have the benefit of it. Even the birds in +the squares must not cleanse their nests without a printed permit from the +company. If a bedstead is cleaned, the company must have the bugs. Only one +dirty thing is safe from this all-powerful corporation, and that is the +legisiative delegation from the city. If the refuse matter were taken from +that, there would be nothing left. It has been proposed that the Legislature +itself should be purified; but this idea is Utopian, PUNCHINELLO fears. If +Niagara were squirted through its halls, the water would be dirtied, but the +halls would not be cleansed. Alas, poor city! Trampled under the heels of the +aristocratic HONG and PENNY BUNN, what is there to hope for it? +</p> + +<p> +But all has not been told. There are about eight hundred thousand inhabitants +in the place. Some twenty thousand of these owe small sums for unpaid taxes, +averaging about nine and a quarter cents to a man. To collect these sums, an +army of seventy-two thousand able-bodied men, at salaries of one thousand +dollars per annum, has been commissioned by the PENNY BUNN Legislature. +</p> + +<p> +Alas, poor city! But all has not been told. A private firm has prevailed upon +the imbecile old farmers from the western and interior counties to give them +the right to build a private freight railroad through many of the principal +streets of the Quaker City. This road will run through several school-house +yards, and the time-tables are to be so arranged that trains shall always be +due at those points at recess time. Every fiftieth private house along the +lines is to have a road-station and freight-depot in its front-parlor, and all +male residents on said routes are to serve in turn, without pay, as brakesmen +and switch-tenders. The owners of all vehicles injured by the trains are to be +heavily fined, and the families of individuals allowing themselves to be killed +are to be mulcted in heavy damages. +</p> + +<p> +Alas, poor city! But all has not yet been told. A counterfeit tax-bill has been +passed by the Legislature. All the sums handed in to the State Treasury by the +tax collectors have been found to be "bogus" money. This action has been +indorsed by the Legislature, and the action of that body is hereafter to be of +the same character as the funds paid in by its creatures. +</p> + +<p> +Alas, poor city! But all has not yet been told. Colonel FORNEY intends resuming +his "Occasional" letters in the <i>Press!</i> +</p> + +<p>Enough! Humanity can bear no more.</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"><br> + +<p><b>Query by a Constitutional Student.</b></p> + +<p> +When the Governor or President V-toes a bill, is he supposed to put his foot on +it? +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"><br> + +<p><b>THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.</b></p> + +<p> +<img src="images/05.jpg" align="left" alt="S">PECTACLES are proverbially fit +for old eyes. Probably that is the reason why the spectacle of the <i>Twelve +Temptations</i> is so dear to the aged eyes of the gray-haired old gentlemen +who occupy the front seats at the Grand Opera House. It is certainly a +brilliant spectacle, though, like the ideal scene to which Mrs. NICKLEBY's +eccentric and vegetarian lover once referred, it consists principally of "gas +and gaiters." Not that it is exclusively an Old Folks' entertainment; for, as +the critics say of portentously dull juvenile books, "it will be found as +interesting to the young as to the old." Though the dullest of dramas, it is so +brightened by brilliant legs that it dazzles every beholder. Why, then, should +the stern advocate of the legitimate drama refuse to acknowledge that the +<i>Twelve Temptations</i> has its redeeming legs? How runs the ancient proverb, +"Singed milk is better than it looks;" or that equally ancient philosophical +maxim, "There is no use in crying over spilt cats"? The stupid story of ULRIC'S +folly is made more attractive than one would suppose that it could be, and we +need not weep over the fact that it is a spectacle, and not a SHAKESPEAREAN +tragedy. +</p> + +<p> +The bold explorers who have reached the remote Opera House, fought their way +past the misanthropic door-keeper, and gained their seats, are first reduced to +a state of mental chaos by the performance of a maddening overture, and are +then fitted to appreciate the play, which proceeds after the following pattern: +</p> + +<p> +<i>Act 1. Curtain rises upon a score of Unintelligible Demons</i>, who sing +this impressive chorus: +</p> + +<p> + "Oh! um um um um<br> + For um um um um<br> + And um um um um<br> + To um um um um." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Exeunt Demons. Enter</i> RUDOLPH THE TEMPTER. <i>He remarks to the +surrounding scenery</i>—"ULLERIC'S soul must be mine, or else the dark +abodes of torment await me. I will tempt him. Great Master, appear." +</p> + +<p> +<i>The Great Master—a major-general of fiends—appears, and, +approving of</i> RUDOLPH'S <i>virtuous resolve, they descend to—well, +they descend below the Erie Building, to drink to his success. Scene changes +to</i> ULRIC'S <i>home. Enter</i> ULRIC <i>and family, including Aged Mother, +Virtuous Heroine, Hated Rival, and Demoniac Servant.</i> +</p> + +<p> +ULRIC. "Motherr, this slife is intollerrabble; I will do any thing to escape +frrrom it." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Enter</i> RUDOLPH <i>and Unintelligible Demons (disguised.) They sing as +before.</i> +</p> + +<p> + "Oh! um um um um," etc. +</p> + +<p> +ULRIC. "The song says terruly. I will go with you, though you were the fiend +himself." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Consternation on the part of every one. Demoniac Servant remarks, "Ha! +ha!"</i> ULRIC <i>and the Demons sink through the floor. Scene changes to the +Studio of Eblis.</i> +</p> + +<p> +RUDOLPH. "Take this collar. Behold these stripes painted upon it. Whatever you +wish you shall have at the price of five years of your life. A stripe will +vanish each time your wish is gratified. (<i>Aside.</i>) The stripes are only +cloth, you know, and you can pull 'em off when your back is turned to the +audience. Is it a bargain?" +</p> + +<p> +ULRIC. "It 'er is." (<i>Malignant crash from the orchestra.</i>) +</p> + +<p> +RUDOLPH. "ULLERIC, 'tis well. Now thou shall behold our sports." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Enter ballet girls, dressed in red gaiters and torches. They dance the Demon +Cancan, waving their torches and scattering the flames. Old Gentleman, in the +front row hears such charming little asides as, "Drat you,</i> MARY SMITH, +<i>you've burnt my hand." "I'll slap your face, Miss, if you step on my foot +again." "O</i> NELLY! <i>my hair's a-coming down."</i> +</p> + +<p> +Curtain finally falls upon a blaze of light and a bewildering wealth of legs. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Old Gentleman, in front row.</i> "Well, he! he! that's pretty good; he! he! +Devilish pretty girls some of 'em; he! he!" +</p> + +<p> +<i>Virtuous Matron.</i> "My dear, isn't it shameful. I never saw any thing so +disgusting." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Sceptical Husband.</i> "Then perhaps we'd better go at once." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Virtuous Matron.</i> "N—no. I'll sit through one more act, and see if +it gets any worse." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Fast Young Man.</i> "They're all padded, you know. You can't feel sure about +one of 'em. There were gals in the <i>Crook</i> who used to pad their's from +here to here"—(<i>adds explanatory pantomime.</i>) +</p> + +<p> +<i>Travelled Man, who has been to Paris.</i> "These girls can't dance, I assure +you. Now, at the Châtelet they do these things differently." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Admiring Friend to Travelled Man.</i> "What spectacles did you see at the +Châtelet?" +</p> + +<p> +<i>Travelled Man,</i> (who was in Paris only two days, and never saw even the +outside of the theatre.) "It was—let me see—Oh! <i>Moses in +Egypt</i> was the name of the piece. It was gorgeous; full of Egyptian scenery, +and Egyptian dancing girls and things." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Admiring Friend, (with aggravating persistence.)</i> "Do you mean Rossini's +<i>Moses</i>?" +</p> + +<p> +<i>Travelled Man, (quite desperate.)</i> "Of course! He's the rival of +OFFENBACH, you know. But come, let's go and take something." +</p> + +<p> +(<i>They go, the faith of the Admiring Friend in the Travelled Man's veracity +being, however, perceptibly shaken.</i>) +</p> + +<p> +Three more acts follow. ULRIC makes a dozen wishes, all of which are gratified, +and all of which have the inevitable effect of transporting him into scenes +pervaded by the female leg to an extent that easily reconciles him to the +successive loss of five years of his life. He finally becomes King of Egypt, +and, after having fought against the Crusaders in defence of those well-known +Mohammedan gods, ISIS and OSIRIS, is carried down a trap by exulting demons. An +Intolerable Comic Man opens up hitherto unknown wastes of dreariness, and sings +a comic song that is positively more tedious than an article from the +<i>Nation</i>. The Demoniac Servant is continually shot up through spring +traps, in order to remark, "Ha! ha!" and to immediately disappear again. The +Aged Mother travels from Flanders to Egypt without changing her dress or +combing her back hair, for the vain purpose of begging "ULLERIC" to repent. +Consumptive Knights fight terrific broad-sword duels with a thirst for combat +that beer alone is subsequently able to allay. The Virtuous HEROINE displays a +very neat pair of ankles, but without winning "ULLERIC" from the devil of his +ways. Half a dozen ballets are successively introduced, in which the skirts of +the dancers are seen to decrease as rapidly and steadily as the stripes on +ULRIC'S magic collar. Finally, a grand Transformation Scene, which has nothing +whatever to do with the play, exhibits the best legs of the company in the most +favorable attitudes, and the green baize curtain falls upon the great spectacle +of the day. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Virtuous Matron.</i> "Well, I never! It's positively indecent. I'd like to +take a whip to those shameless hussies." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Sceptical Husband.</i> "PAGE offered me a proscenium box the other day. +Suppose we take it to-morrow night?" +</p> + +<p> +<i>Virtuous Matron.</i> "I'll go to please you, my dear. And really the scenery +is pretty." +</p> + +<p> +<i>Wretched Man, who is shameless enough to admit that he likes it.</i> "I like +it. The ballet's good, the scenery is splendid, and the music might be worse. +Why don't these ladies, who come here and sit it through, have the honesty to +admit that they come because they like it? But no; they go away, and at the +next party, where they wear dresses lower in the neck than any I've seen on the +stage to night, they'll abuse the poor girls who have danced here for their +amusement. Their malignant modesty does not deserve the respect of an +intelligent <i>figurante</i>. If they are sincere, why do they come here?"</p> + +<p> +Which question still puzzles the perturbed mind of <i>MATADOR</i>. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<p><b>Give 'em Rope.</b></p> + +<p> +We clip the following from the <i>Express</i>: +</p> + +<p> +"There seem to be more legal loopholes for convicted murderers to escape +through than for any other class of criminals." +</p> + +<p> +That is too true, by a great deal. There should be but one "legal loophole" for +a convicted murderer, and the authorities should not let him escape through the +loop of it—they should Knot. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"><br> + +<div class="fig" style="width:100%;"> +<img src="images/06.jpg" width="600" height="488" alt="Illustration: A MOVING INCIDENT."> +<p class="caption">A MOVING INCIDENT.<br> +<i>Pat, (to Bridget.)</i> “TAKE YOUR MASTHER’S TRUNK TO THE RAILROAD, IS IT? +OCH! BOTHER—DON’T YOU SEE I’M MOVIN’ A FAMILY?”</p> +</div> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"><br> + +<p><b>THE "TOBACCO PARLIAMENT" OF OHIO.</b></p> + +<p> +For genial law-making in America commend us to the Ohio House of +Representatives. While we haven't learned that the legislation of this august +body has been particularly hazy of late, we think it must have been wholesome, +for we are assured that much of it has been thoroughly "fumigated" through the +exertions of the majority of its members, who perform their functions with +pipes in their mouths, while drawn up in semi-circle around a couple of +fire-places built expressly for their accommodation—"one on each side of +the speaker's desk," Who <i>wouldn't</i> legislate, (and early, too,) if he +could do it with his feet on the fender, his well-flavored Havana or best +Virginia leaf in his mouth, and the privilege of cracking jokes and telling +naughty stories <i>ad interim?</i> Go it, ye Buckeye lawmakers! Shall we hear +of any sympathy for Cuba in that quarter? +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"><br> + +<p style="font-weight: bold;">A "Woman's Physic."</p> + +<p>(MRS. C—N TO MRS. MCF—D.)</p> + +"My Darling, I have found a panacea for all woes, In Man:<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 0.25em;"><i>When one man will not suit or stay,</i></span><i><br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">Then get another, right away."</span></i><br> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"><br> + +<p><b>CABLE NEWS.</b></p> + +<p>[EXCLUSIVELY FOR PUNCHINELLO.]</p> + +<p style="font-weight: bold;">GREAT BRITAIN.</p> + +<p> +The Great PUNCHINELLO dinner has come off! JENKINS was there, and was to have +telegraphed an account. But he was not so well as usual the next day, the +Thames water having got into his head. JENKINS never <i>could</i> take much +water. So your correspondent is obliged to trust to his memory—unaffected +by the water, which he did not take. +</p> + +<p> +Old London Tavern was the scene of this banquet, given by the <i>literati</i> +of England in honor of the long-wished-for coming of PUNCHINELLO. The +dining-hall was decorated for the occasion with appropriate portraits. There +were HOGARTH, CERVANTES, ADDISON, MOLIÈRE, SWIFT, STERNE, GOLDSMITH, TOM HOOD, +IRVING, THACKERAY, DICKENS, and ARTEMUS WARD. A number of the waiters were +costumed in character. From my seat, I recognized SAM WELLER, (right behind +me;) the Fat Boy of <i>Pickwick;</i> SANCHO PANZA, and JEAMES YELLOWPLUSH. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. PUNCH was represented at the head of the table so well that you could know +him at once from his weekly frontispiece. On one side of him sat CHARLES +DICKENS; on the other, your humble ambassador. It would be rather invidious to +name the other hundred guests; not to be there was to be nowhere in literature. +Near me there sat Lord LYTTON, TOM HUGHES, PRÉVOST PARADOL, EDMOND ABOUT, +CHARLES KINGSLEY, PAUL FÉVAL, and the Rev. JOHN CUMMING. +</p> + +<p> +Asking, in a whisper, of Mr. PUNCH how the latter very staid individual came to +be there, I understood that, of all the absurd men of this century, he was +selected as the most representatively preposterous. The PRINCE OF WALES was not +asked, lest his morals might be hurt by something that was said. And it is so +important, you know, for the British nation—(for the rest, see the +<i>Saturday Review</i>.) And then Madame GEORGE SAND was to be there, who +sometimes wears trowsers. +</p> + +<p> +MATTHEW ARNOLD was spoken to about it; but he replied gruffly, +</p> + +<p> +"PUNCHINELLO is Goliath of the Philistines!" and declined. +</p> + +<p> +JOHN STUART MILL was too busy over his next book, which is to be "On the +Subjection of Horses." But every body else was there, so we did not miss these +grave and reverend seigniors. +</p> + +<p> +How the twenty-five courses came on and went off, from the ox-tail soup and +salmon to the dessert, it would need the tongue or pen of SOYER or PIERRE BLOT +to narrate; as it needed the capacity of a FALSTAFF to do justice to them. And +then, when the cover was removed, came the time of trial to your correspondent. +"The Queen" and "the President" were drunk with all the honors. Then Mr. PUNCH +called out, through his magnificent old nose, so that you might have heard him +across the Channel, "Health and long life to PUNCHINELLO!" +</p> + +<p> +Now, your correspondent had remembered Mr. HAWTHORNE'S experience at a Lord +Mayor's dinner, and had begged Mr. PUNCH by all means to let him off without a +speech. But, more worldly-wise than HAWTHORNE, he didn't believe that Mr. PUNCH +would keep his promise; so he had prepared a speech, beginning, "Not +anticipating any occasion to open my lips in this illustrious company, you must +allow me to speak altogether on the impulse of the moment." (Hear, hear.) So +this had to be delivered; but for the rest of it, and of the dinner, you must +wait for my next telegram. Mr. PUNCH is going to have the speech published in +pamphlet form, for distribution among his numerous constituents. So, now for +the rest of my <i>news</i>.</p> + +<p style="font-weight: bold;">FRANCE.</p> + +<p> +The PRINCE OF MONACO has declared war against France. OLLIVIER proposes to send +the PRINCE IMPERIAL to extinguish him with a corps of infantry, armed with +popguns; no one to be admitted to the corps who is more than four years old. +MONACO aspires to be a sort of LOPEZ. +</p> + +<p style="font-weight: bold;">TURKEY.</p> + +<p> +Sultan ABDUL AZIZ has just had a visit from a friend of JOHN BRIGHT'S. To the +surprise of every body, even his most intimate friends, the Sultan immediately +made up his mind to turn Quaker! He came down stairs, and went into mosque, the +other day, with a broad-brimmed hat, straight coat, and drab trowsers; and +insisted on all the ladies of his <i>hareem</i> putting on plain bonnets, and +holding a "silent meeting" in the Seraglio! How it bothered them to do that +last thing you may well suppose! More anon, from PRIME. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"><br> + +<p> +<b>A Bit of Fish.</b> +</p> + +<p> +SECRETARY FISH is said to preserve a decidedly spruce appearance at the State +Dinners. Fish is nothing if not Fin-ical. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"><br> + +<p style="font-weight: bold;">FISH SAUCE.</p> + +<p>The sight of a thick, four-pound steak, just cut from a halibut that must +have weighed, (the idea of a fish wading!) some two hundred pounds, reminds us +that trout-fishing is just now in full operation. What a strange, weird mystery +there is about mental associations! Long, long ago, we possessed a favorite +trout-rod fitted with a Hollow Butt, and so it is that whenever we see a +Halibut, trouting comes to our mind. +</p> + +<p> +Yesterday, frogs were croaking, and insects all in green livery, with gilt +buttons, contributed to Nature's Great Boston Jubilee of music with their hum. +How ridiculous it seems that insects should have a hum!—and yet the Bee +has its Hum in its hive. +</p> + +<p> +It is at this season that enthusiastic anglers always get water on the brain. +Their dreams are of gurgling brooks. They have visions of mill-ponds, with +beautiful little cascades sluicing into them over dams. They stand, in +imagination, on bridges, in the eddies beneath which they discern the wagging +of silvery tails and rosy fins; and a very common form of nightmare with them +is to fancy that the reel of the fishing-rod won't work, just as they are going +to wind up a four-pound trout. +</p> + +<p> +Now, also, is the time when friend gives much advice to friend on the subject +of the "gentle art." (A trout's opinion on this branch of art, by the by, would +be worth having. Perhaps he might not consider it so gentle.) +</p> + +<p> +One student of the angle will say to another, "Always fish up the stream. Fish +lie with their heads to the current and their tails in the opposite direction: +therefore, by casting up-stream, you run the less chance of being seen by +them." +</p> + +<p> +Another says, "Be sure you make your casts down-stream; your bob-flies like it +better, as you can see by the way they dance on the ripples." +</p> + +<p> +Quoth another, "Always soak your casting-lines with water before you start for +the river-side;" while a fourth instructs you never to straighten your lines +with water, but by passing them through a piece of India rubber doubled between +the finger and thumb. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Our</i> advice is, Never cast against the wind. In fact, you can't do it; +and if you try it, you run the risk of getting <i>strabismus</i>—that is, +the Cast in your eye. Artificial flies, like artificial flowers, never should +follow nature. Manufacturers of both articles perfectly understand this; and +hence the superiority of their productions to the mere realities that flutter +and bloom for their brief hour, and then die. There is nothing in entomology so +beautiful as a well-busked trout or salmon fly. And then it is comparatively +indestructible. Take a natural May Fly and squeeze it in your hand. It is +reduced to a pulp. Try the same experiment with an artificial one, and its +plumage remains unruffled—which is more than you do, since the chance is +that you will have to employ a surgeon to extract the hook from the ball of +your thumb. +</p> + +<p> +<img src="images/07.jpg" align="right" alt="[Illustration: "SHOO! +FLY."]"> +</p> + +<p> +We are assured by a broker, who, in Spring-time, always becomes a brooker, that +by far the surest lure for a large trout is the Greenback Fly. He is acquainted +with a man who, whenever he goes a-fishing, always has a four-pound trout to +pack in ice and send up to a friend in the city. By post, a letter is +dispatched to the same quarter, containing a warm description of the playing +and landing of that noble fish. The sender usually states that he captured it +with the famous fly known to anglers as the Green Drake. Facts are against him, +though; and it is well understood by his friends that the fish was first taken +by some poaching rascal with a scoop-net, and subsequently hooked by the angler +with a five-dollar Greenback Fly. +</p> + +<p> +Nothing in life is more beautiful than a five-dollar Greenback +Fly—except, of course, a ten-dollar one, or one of indefinitely larger +denomination. +</p> + +<p> +Provided with this most charming and effective of lures, the angler is always +sure to fill his creel. He incurs no fatigue in doing so, either, for all the +boys of the village become his humble servants to command; and if there be a +four-pound trout in the miller's pond, he is sure to hook it with the Greenback +Fly, while the boys generally "hook it" also, lest the miller should catch them +at their tricks. +</p> + +<p> +<i>How to make the Greenback Fly</i>—Give it to your wife. Much has been +said concerning the efficacy of the Water Fly as a lure. For our own part, we +have not tried it. We know rather less about it than we do about the Water +Cure; but we cheerfully print the following directions on the subject, taken +from the fly-leaf of an old book. +</p> + +<p> +<i>How to make the Water Fly</i>: Fall into it.</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b>HALL AND HAYES.</b> +</p> + +<p> +The friends of Dr. HAYKS and those of Captain HALL are engaged in a heated +discussion as to which of the two ought to be sent by Congress in search of the +North Pole. As the public does not know who is right and who is wrong, we +present our readers with the arguments of each party; so that they can decide +which explorer is the man for the post—we should say, pole.</p> + +<p style="font-weight: bold;">WHAT THE HAYES PARTY SAYS.</p> + +<p> +1. The Pole being surrounded by water, must be reached by boats. HAYES is a +sailor and HALL is not. Therefore HAYES is the man to sail to the Pole. +</p> + +<p> +2. HAYES is a Bostonian; HALL is a Western man. Bostonians are famed for their +skill in prying into every thing; while Western men stupidly mind their own +business. Therefore HAYES is naturally fitted to become an explorer. +</p> + +<p> +3. HALL spent his time while in the Arctic Region in the society of Esquimaux. +HAYES attended to his ship, and lived on pork and beef like a Christian. +Therefore HAYES is the better man. +</p> + +<p> +4. HAYES understands the use of instruments, and can take observations of the +temperature of hot springs, if any are found. HALL knows nothing about +instruments, and could not tell the time by a barometer if his life depended +upon it. Therefore HAYES should be the Congressional favorite. +</p> + +<p> +5. HALL is hot-tempered and once killed one of his crew. HAYES is a cool man +and never killed any body, except as a medical practitioner. Cool men are at +home in the Arctic Region. Therefore send HAYES.</p> + +<p style="font-weight: bold;">WHAT THE HALL PARTY SAYS.</p> + +<p> +1. If the Pole is surrounded by water, it must be a visible point of land. HALL +is a landsman, and therefore the proper man to send in search of land. To send +a sailor like HAYES in quest of land would be absurd. Therefore HALL is the +right man. +</p> + +<p> +2. HALL is a steady, hardworking, energetic Western man. HAYES is a meddling +Yankee. Of course HALL is the better man for carrying out a difficult +enterprise. +</p> + +<p> +3. HALL has lived in the Arctic land as the Arctic people do; while HAYES knows +nothing of the people of that region. Therefore HALL is by far the best man to +send. +</p> + +<p> +4. HAYES can have no use for his instruments in a place where there is nothing +but ice. HAYES would, therefore, only add to the cost of the expedition. HALL +can take all necessary observations with his eyes, which cost Congress nothing +and are easily carried. Therefore HALL is by all odds the man for the +expedition. +</p> + +<p> +5. If HALL is hot-tempered, so much the better. He will keep warm with less +consumption of fuel. That he killed a mutineer is proof of his resolute +adherence to discipline. HAYES would never enforce discipline if he dared to +inflict no more punishment for mutiny than a draught of Epsom salts. Therefore +HALL is plainly the man to command an exploring party. +</p> + +<p> +Here we have the arguments which both sides advance, and our readers can easily +make up their minds. As for ourselves, the true course for Congress to pursue +seems so plainly evident that if we were asked which is the best man, the +Doctor or the Captain, we should unhesitatingly answer in the negative.</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<div class="fig" style="width:100%;"> +<img src="images/08.jpg" width="588" height="398" alt="Illustration: CINCINNATUS SWEENY."> +<p class="caption">CINCINNATUS SWEENY.</p> +</div> + +<br> + +<p> +<b>CINCINNATUS SWEENY</b> +</p> + +<p> +(Adapted from AUTHOR'S Classical Dictionary, p. 351.) +</p> + +<p> +"CINCINNATUS had retired to his patrimony, aloof from popular tumults. The +successes of the Equi, (young Democracy,) however, rendered the appointment of +a Dictator necessary, and CINCINNATUS was chosen to that high office. He laid +aside his rural habiliments, assumed the ensigns of absolute power, levied a +new army, marched all night to bring the necessary succor to the Consul +MINCIUS, (W. M. TWEED,) who was surrounded by the enemy and blockaded in his +camp, (Albany,) and before morning surrounded the enemy's army, and reduced it +to a condition exactly similar to that in which the Romans had been placed. The +baffled Equi were glad to submit to the victor's terms, and CINCINNATUS, +returning in, triumph to Rome, (New-York,) laid down his dictatorial power +after having held it only fourteen days, and returned to his farm" (Central +Park.) +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p><b>SPRING FEVER,</b></p> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In such a joyous way?</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">If it were as you say,</span><br> +Wouldn't <i>I</i> know it, who know every thing!<br> +<br> +"Ethereal mildness!" Pshaw! what nonsense, man!<br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Pooh! "Gentle spring," indeed!</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">It makes my liver bleed</span><br> +To hear you talk as only idiots can.<br> +<br> +But you're no idiot, THOMSON; <i>that</i> I'll say!<br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I'll yield another bit:</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I'm ready to admit</span><br> +The Seasons may have altered since your day.<br> +<br> +At any rate, JAMES, in the windy West<br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">(Which wasn't in your eye—</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">At least, not frequently)</span><br> +Your boasted Spring is <i>not</i> a gentle guest.<br> +<br> +My patience, no! She's the reverse of that!<br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ah! hear her savage roar;</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">(So often heard before!)</span><br> +And there (confound it!) goes my new Spring hat.<br> +<br> +Alas! what means this stupid somnolence?<br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Why do my pulses go</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So "melancholy slow"?</span><br> +Why can't I think? why always "on the fence"?<br> +<br> +O dews and fogs! O rain and snow and slush!<br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">O various other things!</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">My soul! what need of wings:</span><br> +Yes, "Spring's delights" are coming with a rush!<br> +<br> +But stay, friend THOMSON—what you say is true:<br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Here <i>is</i> a nice warm day!</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The breezes softly play—</span><br> +Then why, oh! <i>why</i> then, do I feel so blue?<br> +<br> +One "would not die in Spring-time," certainly—<br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor any other season,</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For the same reason—</span><br> +But if one can't eat dinner, why <i>not</i> die?<br> +<br> +Is there no panacea for such ills?<br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oh! yes, a jolly one:</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I find it in the dun!</span><br> +In landlords', butchers', grocers', tailors' bills!<br> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<p><b>The Difference.</b></p> + +<p> +GOLDEN calves were worshipped by men of old. Modern men prefer to worship +saw-dust calves. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b>Dramatic Query.</b> +</p> + +<p> +Is Canada to be the Theatre of a Fenian War? It seems that the Canadian +Volunteers think so; and, to do justice to the performance, they have taken +possession of the whole Front-tier. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p><b>The Original Bow.</b></p> + +<p>The EL-bow.</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<div class="fig" style="width:100%;"> +<img src="images/09.jpg" width="500" height="644" alt="Illustration: THE SICK EAGLE"> +<p class="caption"><b>THE SICK EAGLE.<br> +COLUMBIA. “DO LET THE POOR BIRD OUT, MR. B.; HE DROOPS SADLY.”<br> +Mr. BOOTWELL. “REALLY I DON’T SEE ANY THING THE MATTER WITH HIM, MA’AM. +HIS CAGE IS ALL GOLD, AND HE SURELY OUGHT TO BE CONTENTED.”</b></p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b><img src="images/11.jpg" align="left" alt="A">N EXCELLENT OLD SONG MADE NEW.</b> +</p> + +<p> +BY A DEFAULTER. +</p> + +<p> +Is there for his dishonesty<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Who hangs his head, and a' that?</span><br> +The coward slave, we pass him by,<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And dare to steal for a' that.</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For a' that and a' that,</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Our grabs and games, and a' +that,</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Our business is to make a pile</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And swindle SAM, and a' that.</span><br> +<br> +What though the people curse and swear<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">At losing gold, and a' that?</span><br> +Their fiercest wrath we'll proudly bear,<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And cash is cash for a' that.</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For a' that and a' that,</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Their lawyers, courts, and a' +that.</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The lucky rogue who wins his pile</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Is king of men for a' that.</span><br> +<br> +The President knows how to beat<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">In battle, siege, and a' that;</span><br> +But we're the lads for swift retreat,<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Although he growl, and a' that.</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For a' that and a' that,</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Our bonds and oaths and a' that,</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">A bouncing swag's the better +thing</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">For gentlemen, and a' that.</span><br> +<br> +Then let us pray that come it may,<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">As come it shall for a' that,</span><br> +That plundering gents may keep the sway,<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And help themselves, and a' +that.</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For a' that and a' that.</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1.75em;">Leg bail's the thing, and a' +that;</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For travelling improves the +mind,</span><br> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">The body saves, and a' that.</span> +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b>THE THIRTEENTH MAN IN THE OMNIBUS</b>. +</p> + +<p> +The New-York omnibus was constructed to seat and carry twelve persons; +certainly not more. Indeed, when twelve men, of nominal size, sit squarely on +the seats and do not clownishly cross their legs, one may ride in an omnibus +with comfort. Nay, with these conditions, he <i>may</i> generally escape having +his toes crushed, his shins kicked, his shoes soiled, or his trowsers daubed +with mud by his neighbor. But alas! how often is this paradisiacal state +disturbed by the intrusion of "the thirteenth man in the omnibus." +</p> + +<p> +Shall I attempt to portray the creature? He is pretty well known, and perhaps +the picture will be recognized. Sometimes he may be seen standing at the corner +of the street lying in wait for the "bus." He is never known to walk toward its +starting-place, lest he might be confounded with the "twelve" by getting inside +before the seats are filled. No; he is "nothing if not" odd. His very hat never +sits squarely upon his head like the hat of a gentleman. It is either elevated +in front like a sophomore's, or depressed on one side, as if he had just come +from a cheap spree in the Bowery, or was troubled with some obtrusive "bump" +that kept his hat awry. If by chance he gets a seat inside the omnibus, (as +"accidents will happen," etc.,) he must cross his legs and wipe the mud from +his ill-shod feet upon your trowsers or your wife's dress. +</p> + +<p> +Indeed, methinks it was he who invented sitting cross-legged in a public +vehicle. Do savages ever sit thus when in close company? I have never been able +to imagine what special human sin this ingenious mode of annoyance was meant to +punish. It has been suggested that it might be the man's pantomimic protest +against sitting at all. But the saddest commentary upon this vice of our hero +is, that by some mysterious magnetism of awkwardness and ill-breeding, he has +betrayed into imitation of it men whose early education has been less neglected +than his own. +</p> + +<p> +Sometimes, as he gets into the "'bus," he carries in his hand or mouth the +stump of a half-burned, extinct cigar, which fills the atmosphere with a rank +and sickening odor. More frequently he is dressed in well-worn black, and his +clothes reek with noisome exhalations of stale tobacco-smoke. Shall I finish +his picture? I verily believe he is the original Loafer. +</p> + +<p> +Methinks I see him in my mind's eye. I am riding in a Broadway ominibus. I have +just handed up my fare, and, taking my seat, have surrendered myself to a sweet +half-hour of reverie. I disdain to spoil my eyes or waste my time by +newspaper-reading. I dream, and save my time for better things, as I conceive. +</p> + +<p> +The stage is full. "Twelve inside." The driver does not seem to get along. He +is constantly stopping or turning his horses to the sidewalk, right or left. +You wonder what is the matter. You begin to think the whole town is striving to +get a ride down with you in that particular "'bus." At every street-corner we +linger or stop. Suddenly the door is pulled open with a jerk and our enemy +leaps in. He sees the seats are filled, but he does not hesitate. There is +always room for him. Indeed, his "spirit rises with the occasion." He becomes +pertinacious as he is offensive. He tramples upon more than one pair of feet in +his struggle to reach the middle of the omnibus. The passengers patiently +submit to the intrusion with that quiet good nature with which Americans +usually suffer imposition invasive of good manners, or petty social rights. +They seem to feel they can "stand it" if he can. +</p> + +<p> +His mode of paying his fare evolves a climax of unconscious impertinence. In +order to have free use of one hand to pass up his money, he grasps cane or +umbrella with the other hand, by which he holds the pendent strap. By this +means he loses control of the lower end of his stick, which thereby becomes an +automatic instrument of torture, menacing your face and eyes in quite a savage +way. Indeed, his apparent unconsciousness that he is a nuisance, and ought to +be kicked out, really approaches the sublime. +</p> + +<p> +He is a pet of the driver, of course. Some innocent people wonder that the +drivers of omnibuses or cars should feel so very charitably disposed toward the +human family in general, as to take up extra passengers when all seats are +filled. Short-sighted mortals! Do you not see it! The more passengers, beyond +the complement of the "'bus," the more perquisites for an ill-requited +profession. +</p> + +<p> +To return to our black sheep. Look where he stands. As he grows weary, he +grasps the straps on either side to steady him. His attitude is a cunningly +devised mode of tormenting his fellow-passengers. Either elbow of our +nondescript just reaches the hat of your opposite neighbor or yourself. With +each jolt of the stage, by a little dexterity of movement, or want of it, he +can knock the hats over the eyes of two persons at a time, and by a little +shifting of his position he can frequently bring down four by a single +spasmodic lunge. When he is fresher, as in the morning, and can hold his own +weight, he falls in his more natural posture. Would you know what that may be? +Did you ever observe one of the descendants of the Lost Tribes who inhabit +Chatham street dreamily waiting for a passing rustic? He is apparently in a +comatose state. His abdomen is drawn in; his body is bent like a section of a +hoop; his eyes are cast down; while both his hands are thrust deeply into his +trowser's pockets. +</p> + +<p> +But I grow weary of the subject, and stop by commending the Thirteenth Man in +the Omnibus to curiosity-hunters as a fungus growth of humanity nursed by +over-virtuous forbearance.</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<p> +<b>Hyperborean</b>. +</p> + +<p> +The hyperbole of bores it is, to bore Congress for a hundred thousand dollars +to go to the Pole! If Captain HALL wants adventure, let him travel to the Halls +of the MONTEZUMAS. If he wishes only to be left out in the cold, let him go to +Chili; or else up in a balloon; or let him make himself Republican candidate +for something in New York. We believe the North Pole would rather be let alone. +The whole subject is, at all events, too HAYES-y just now to be comprehended. +There is a sort of KANE-ine madness, which shows itself not in fear of water +but in an insane disposition to do big things on ice. Haul off, Captain HALL! +<br> + +<br> + +</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<p> +<b>Meteorological Query</b>. +</p> + +<p> +Is a temperance lecture synonymous with a Water Spout? +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b>THE SPIRIT OF THE NAVY</b>. +</p> + +<p> +ITS PORTER. ITS SAILS. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Impressions of an Outsider</i>. +</p> + +<p> +MR. PUNCHINELLO: According to your instructions, your correspondent proceeded +to Washington, and there interviewed our present efficient Secretary of the +Navy, Admiral PORTER. I found him in his office, surrounded by bills-of-sale of +main-tops, carronades, iron-clads, bo'sen's whistles, navy-yards, and other +naval articles, the proceeds of which were needed for the future experiments of +the Department. These papers were being bound up into bundles and stowed away +by his assistant, ROBESON. +</p> + +<p> +After the ordinary greetings had passed between the admiral and your +correspondent, the following conversation ensued: +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. Admiral, what do you think of the Fifteenth Amendment? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. All right. When Americans want votes, I say, give 'em to 'em. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>, (<i>A little apprehensively.</i>) Votes are different from boats, +then, admiral? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. Certainly. What do the negroes want with boats? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. How are you satisfied, Mr. Secretary, with the plan of always +providing you with a civilian as an assistant? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. I don't like it. Can't help it, though. This one, however, +(<i>pointing his thumb over his shoulder at</i> ROBESON,) don't give me much +trouble. Quiet man. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. What do you think of the condition of Cuba, +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. Very nice indeed! Got Admiral POOR out there, cruising around. Just +like a picnic, you know. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. Are you in favor of the recognition of Cuban Independence? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. No, sir! What's the good? POOR might have to come home, then. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. You think, then, that recognition would not be a Poor policy? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. Yes—no! No—yes! Doormat! You know what I mean. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>.(<i>quickly</i>.) Oh! yes. Certainly,sir! But what is your opinion +upon the woman question? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. Don't care a snap. Let 'em vote. Won't make a difference 'board +ship. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. You think, then that women will never be sailors, Admiral? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. Nothing they could do. Except to trim the boats; look out for the +mizen sheets or somethg o' that kind. Couldn't expect 'em, even in a calm, to +be brisk in manning the yards, much less martingales. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. What is your opinion, Admiral, of SHERIDAN'S work among the +Piegans? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. (<i>laughing</i>). Neat job. How was that for Lo? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. Good. Do you believe the Pope's infallible, Admiral? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. The Pope's what? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. Do you think that there is no such word as fail with PIO Nono? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. No, no! +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. The Empress EUGENIE, Admiral, and Queen VICTORIA—which do you +think is the prettiest of these women? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. Never saw 'em swimmin'. Can't say. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. What is your opinion about McFARLAND? Was he justifiable, think +you? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. No! Poor shot. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. Have you seen <i>Frou Frou</i>, Admiral? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. Yes. In New-York. +</p> + +<p> +Cor. How did you like it, sir? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. Not much. Do for folks whose taste for that sort of thing is DAILY +bred. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. What do you think of oar new City Charter? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. Is it a ship? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. Yes, sir. It is a sort of hardship for New-York. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. Well, the city must be used to that. Will take in its ale pretty +much as usual, I reckon. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. What, sir, do you think of Chicago? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. Ah! go way. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. (<i>oblivious of hint</i>.) Where do you buy your pantaloon stuff, +Mr. Secretary? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. (<i>sharply</i>.) Where the woodbine twineth. +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. Admiral, have you any children? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. (<i>loudly</i>.) ROBESON! +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. My dear sir, you surprise me! Is he your son? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Ad</i>. (<i>to assistant</i>.) ROBESON! Did you see MIKE HAINES? +</p> + +<p> +<i>Cor</i>. One moment. Admiral! Let me ask of you, in which, if any, of our +New-York companies is your life insured; and do you wear the patent perforated +buckskin?— +</p> + +<p> +Here the interview terminated. Your correspondent suddenly discovered that he +would have barely time to catch the N. Y. Express, and he took leave with a +renewed respect for the spirit of our Navy and its head. +</p> + +<p> +SNIQUE. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<div class="fig" style="width:100%;"> +<img src="images/12.jpg" width="513" height="600" alt="Illustration: COME, GENTLE SPRING."> +<p class="caption">COME, GENTLE SPRING.</p> +</div> + +<p> +SPRING has come. Now is the time to ask your friends for seed and roots, and to +tell somebody they ought to see about the garden. Turn your chickens into your +neighbors' grounds, and the cow too, if you think she would like to go there. +Now also is the time for house-cleaning, as well as for settling up one's +affairs generally; so, after you have called in all the money due you, and paid +out as little as possible, perhaps you had better go out West for a week or so. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b>The sort of Liquor most apt to Tell upon a Man.</b> +</p> + +<p> +PEACH Brandy. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b>Opinions of the Press.</b> +</p> + +<p> +The <i>Sun</i> thinks that the World's end would be a god-send. +</p> + +<p> +It also thinks that the Tribune is a try weakly and unique daily, besides being +a four centenary. +</p> + +<p> +It thinks that the fact of the <i>Times</i> being out of Joint is the reason it +is getting the cold Shoulder from its subscribers. +</p> + +<p> +It thinks that the <i>Herald</i> is not the leading paper, though it may have +Ben-it. +</p> + +<p> +It thinks that the <i>Sun</i> is awful shiny. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b>The Politician's Half-and-Half.</b> +</p> + +<p> +DEMAGOGUE and Demijohn. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b>CONDENSED CONGRESS.</b> +</p> + +<p> +<b>SENATE.</b> +</p> + +<p> +<img src="images/13.jpg" align="left" alt="L">OFTY Mr. SUMNER wished to know +what Mr. CARPENTER meant by pursuing him. He was used to being blackguarded by +the enemies of his country, but now he was hounded in the house of his friends. +He had looked through the whole Congressional Library and failed to find a +precedent for the course of the carping CARPENTER, except in the case of the +classic chap who had warmed a viper which had turned again and rent him. He did +not mean to say that Mr. CARPENTER was a viper, but he thought nobody but an +Adder would put this and that together as Mr. CARPENTER had done. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. CARPENTER said that the passion of his friend from Boston for maundering +about himself amounted to a mild mania. All he had done was to suggest that +SUMNER had upheld States Rights twenty years ago, and now pretended that he was +never any such person. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. SUMNER said that twenty years ago the States Rights boot was upon the other +leg. ÆNEAS SILVIUS had well observed that it made a heap of difference whose ox +was gored, and HORACE had pointed out the difference between tweedle-dum and +tweedle-dee. Unless his reading of the Cyclopedia had failed to inform him, he +believed that there was a game known as "Heads I win, tails you lose." That was +his little game. When Massachusetts States Rights were invoked to aid the +colored man, States Rights were good. When Southern States Rights were invoked +to crush the colored man, States Rights were bad. As for him, give him liberty +or give him rats. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. HARLAN wished to know why the Pacific Railway grant should be passed. No +officer of that railway had been to see him about it. He did not believe in +legislation of this kind. If a thing were worth having, it was certainly worth +asking for. He had no objection to breaking old "ties," but he was averse to +paying for new ones, unless he had some personal reason for it. He wished he +were altogether in the same position as some of his colleagues, including these +"bonds." +</p> + +<p> +WILSON, and CASSERLY, and THURMAN, and THAYER said that HARLAN was of no +account, and that was the reason why he had not been "seen." As long as a +majority was prepared, it was wasting money to conciliate any body else. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. DRAKE said he had a better thing than the Pacific Railway. It was a bill to +provide that the Army and Navy of the United States might be put on a +war-footing on the application of any three colored persons. This did not seem +to be profitable, but it was. The profit in it was a JOB, but much subtler than +in the Pacific Railway. He hoped Senators would see the illimitable vistas of +patronage opened by the bill. +</p> + +<p> +<b>HOUSE.</b> +</p> + +<p> +Mr. BUTLER insisted upon his bill to annex Dominica. Somebody had said that we +had plenty of Dominicans already in the Southern States. This was net so. He +wanted to be Governor-General of Dominica. It was true that silverware was not +rife in that island, but there was an infinitude of potential voters, who could +be converted into coin. The House refused to see it, however, and proceeded to +discuss the case of SYPHER. Mr. BROOKS said SYPHER was nothing. He did not see +how SYPHER, who was a nullity, could be figured out to be a member of Congress. +Besides, SYPHER lived in Pennsylvania. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. KELLEY said that was the very reason why SYPHER should be admitted. Every +body knew, who knew any thing of arithmetic, that a SYPHER in the proper place +amounted to a great deal. He would like to know what objection there was to +Pennsylvanians representing Louisiana? A Pennsylvanian was sure to be right on +the tariff, and a Louisianian was sure to be wrong. Therefore a Pennsylvanian +was a much better representative than a Louisianian. Besides, SYPHER's hands +were not red with loyal blood, neither had he waded knee-deep in patriotic +gore. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. BUTLER wanted to annex Dominica. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. Cox said he did not object to SYPHER'S coming in because he was a +Pennsylvanian. He was an Ohio man, and represented a New-York district. But be +thought there were too many SYPHERS here now. An integer or two would be more +useful to maintain the integrity of the House. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. BUTLER said he would like to introduce a bill to annex Dominica. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. FARNSWORTH said he didn't care any thing about the merits of the case. He +knew the committee was all right. It was a martter of comity to go with the +committee. If the House added a SYPHER, it would increase their strength ten +fold. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. STOKES said he would not weep for SYPHER if he were rejected. But he would +sigh for SYPHER, if he could cipher SYPHER in. +</p> + +<p> +Mr. BUTLER moved a bill to annex Dominica. +</p> + +<p> +SYPHER tried to swear himself in, but he had been so much irritated by the +previous proceedings that he found that he had sworn himself out. +</p> + +<p> +The House adjourned, except Mr. BUTLER, who was preparing a bill to annex +Dominica.</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b>A REMONSTRANCE.</b> +</p> + +<p> +MR. PUNCHINELLO: In the <i>Express</i> of Saturday, April 17th, I read the +following announcement, printed at the foot of the regular weather table, +furnished for that journal by Professor THATCHER: +</p> + +<p> +"Prediction.—It will not rain within 3¾ days from 8 P.M.<br> +<br> +"A. E. THATCHER."<br> +</p> + +<p> +The positive character of this prediction made it very, welcome. My wife and +myself had been invited by friends in Westchester County to go to their house +on Saturday evening, stay all night, and pass the following +day—Easter-Sunday—with them. We had nearly made up our minds to do +it. They are very pleasant folks to visit, especially about Easter time; for +the man of the house has a mania for hens, and, being a dyer by trade, his +poultry, using the refuse of the drugs instead of gravel to aid their +digestion, lay natural painted eggs of the most varied and delicate tints. If I +am strict in any matter of religion, it is with regard to having a blow-out of +eggs at Easter. My wife is as fond of eggs as myself, (the yolk sits lightly, +she says, which is a joke upon yoke,) and she required no egging on to persuade +her to accept the invitation. We were doubtful about the weather, though; but +the "Professor's" prediction decided us, and we went. +</p> + +<p> +I thought it felt mighty like rain as we walked the short distance from the +railway station to our host's. I had rain-pains in my back, and my wife said +her corns were shooting. Nor did our punctual aches deceive us. Between that +Saturday night and Easter-Sunday morning it began to rain. Easter-Sunday was +the wettest day I remember ever to have experienced. There was no "let up" of +the deluge throughout that day and Easter-Monday. We—my wife and +I—are suffering dreadfully from the effects of Easter-eggs, which we were +obliged to devour by the stack merely to kill time, as we could not walk out. +Should we die, I will let you know; but really it was too bad of "Professor" +THATCHER. +</p> + +<p> +WEATHERBOUND. +</p> + +<p> +P.S.—Who is "Professor" THATCHER? +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p><b>THE BIRD OF WISDOM IN IOWA</b>.</p> + +<p> +Civilization, it seems, is making some headway in Iowa. Boys are no longer +allowed to shoot small birds there, especially song-birds. And so the little +warblers can pipe it all day, if they like, and when they grow tired and +hungry, they are welcome to refresh their small systems at the strawberry beds. +There is one feature of the regulation in question, however, that does pain us. +While vocal and fly-gobbling talents are tenderly fostered, dignified Wisdom is +not only neglected, but persecuted. Our old friend the Owl is reputed by the +people of Iowa to be rather particular in his diet, (as all wise creatures +are,) and to prefer a nice young spring chicken to almost any other "delicacy +of the season"—a proof of wisdom and refinement that proved too much for +the people of Iowa. And so they have left the poor old Owl out of the +protective enactment; and it is not only legal to shoot him, but meritorious. +The legislators could have stood the wisdom, perhaps by itself; and possibly +they might have respected the taste; but the combination troubled them, and +could not, of course, be tolerated. +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<div class="fig" style="width:100%;"> +<img src="images/14a.jpg" width="362" height="454" alt="Illustration: “THE MERRY FIRST OF MAY.”"> +<p class="caption">“THE MERRY FIRST OF MAY.”<br> +<i>First Young Wife</i>. “OH! THIS HORRID HOUSE-MOVING—AN'T YOU DISTRACTED +ABOUT IT, DEAR?”<br> +<i>Second Ditto</i>. “O DEAR! NO. WE HAVE ARRANGED IT NICELY. CHARLES WILL SEE +TO THE FURNITURE AND THINGS, AND I WILL SUPERINTEND THE REMOVAL OF FIDO MYSELF.” +</p> +</div> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p><b>HOW A DISCIPLE OF FOX BECAME A LOVER OF BULL</b>.</p> + +<p>PHILADELPHIA, 4th Month, 13th, 1870.</p> + +<p> +FRIEND PUNCHINELLO: I know thee treats our good city with more consideration +than thy brother journalists, and so it is that I address the on this occasion. +Last night I listened to the fiddle of OLE BULL. I had long known of this man, +even from the time when I first attired myself in a coat, (called by the world +after the name of the abdomen of a fish,) as one who +</p> + <span style="margin-left: 5.25em;">—"skinned a cat</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.75em;">And put the fur around his +hat."</span><br> + +<p> +But having recently been made aware of the fact that this fiddler only availed +himself, in his vain exhibitions, of a part of the <i>felis</i> which was not +necessary to its felicity after death, I determined to give a portion of my +worldly goods toward the building of a light-house on the Norway coast, for +which purpose, I heard it averred, this man's performances were given; and I +went to the building where the fiddling was to be, to see if it were done with +fidelity for this end. +</p> + +<p> +As I sat in the upper seats of the house, serenely elevated above the vain +throng, the man BULL appeared before me. His mien was humble and his hair was +of a gray tinge, which I attributed to the ceaseless gratings of the instrument +which he held on his arm, as carefully as if it had been an immortal child. +</p> + +<p> +At first, though I labored conscientiously toward that end, I could discover +nothing in the sounds he made which reminded me in the least degree of a +Norwegian light-house. But suddenly I forgot that useful monument. Against my +will, I seemed to be wafted aloft, even to where the seats were cheaper; and +anon, I felt as though I disported among the shameless figures on the ceiling +of the house. I now forgot all things earthly, even that suspicious bill which +friend HOPKINS paid in to my cashier on Second-day. Yea, my whole being became, +as it were, strung upon the entrails of a cat and tickled with the tail of +horse. I felt as if I were wafted aloft on a blanket of shivering scrapes while +quivering angels gently swung me among the stickery stars! And there I heard a +melody as though the edges of glass skies were softly rubbed together. Then all +was stiller, stiller, until methought I heard nothing but one consumptive angel +breathing in his sleep. But even that sound dribbled away, until the last drop +seemed to me about to be sucked down into a hole at the bottom of the airy +void, when suddenly there came a rush as though a vast light-house of brass had +fallen into a sea of tinkling cymbals, and I jumped so violently that my +spectacles slipped from off my nose and fell among the vain ones below. +</p> + +<p> +A second time now came the fiddler forth, and soon methought I stood within a +surgeon's operating hall. The player drew his bow as though it were a knife, +gliding over the limb of a subject in a sleep. +</p> + +<p> +So keen the blade, so soft the touch, the sleeper did not wake! I clutched my +knees—my breath did cease! +</p> + +<p>The skin divides!</p> + +<p>And still he sleeps.</p> + +<p>The muscles and the tendons fall apart!</p> + +<p>He moves not.</p> + +<p>Oh! That glittering blade</p> + +<p>It deeper goes!</p> + +<p>A—Ah!</p> + +<p>He wakes!</p> + +<p>He yells!</p> + +<p>Horror! And now, through flesh and bones that vengeful weapon grinds!</p> + +<p>'Mid screams and oaths!</p> + +<p>Down falls the leg...</p> + +<p> +I staggered forward. My hat, which much clamor in the rear had not made me +remove, fell over the iron rail and plunged, resounding ike a sinful drum, upon +the head of a painted Jersey belle below. +</p> + +<p>I heeded not, but groped me to the door.</p> + +<p> +And now I write to thee, friend PUNCHINELLO. Can thee buy me such a fiddle in +New-York? Thy friend, +</p> + +<p>VENTER CLUPLE.</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p><b>A Puzzler.</b></p> + +<p> +The Belgians, it is said, are anxious to have the letter <i>h</i> dropped from +the French alphabet. As that contains no <i>w</i>, how, in the event of a new +elision, will the Parisians, who are so fond of English words, manage to spell +<i>wheelwright</i>? +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p><b>A Blow that Hurteth not.</b></p> + +<p>The Blow of a flower.</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p>A Pleasant Prospect.</p> + +<p> +If the new Superintendent of the New-York Police Force is to be as severely +tried as was his predecessor, then, surely, JOURDAN will have a hard road to +travel." +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b>"OUT OF THE STREETS."</b> +</p> + +<img src="images/14b.jpg" align="right" alt=""> +GEORGE W. MCLEAN am I,<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And potent was my name,</span><br> +Till TWEED and SWEENEY crossed my path<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And spoiled my little game.</span><br> +<br> +Our city roads I supervised,<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Long time, with pious care,</span><br> +The people's "Ways I strictly watched—<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Street, Avenue, and Square</span><br> +<br> +But now, from office rudely swept<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">By Legislative BILL,</span><br> +The crossing-sweeper's broom I ply,<br> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">My empty pouch, to fill.</span> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<b>Honeymoons in the Air</b><br> +<br> +The rage for passing the honeymoon in a balloon appears to be on the<br> +wane in this country. The reason for this may be that a majority of<br> +those who enter wedlock find they "go up" soon enough without the aid of<br> +a balloon. + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<p> +<b>Motto for Unsuccessful Croquet-Players.</b><br> +</p> + +<p> +"Hoops deferred make the heart sick."<br> +</p> + +<br> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" + style="text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; width: 800px; height: 2180px;"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td align="center"><big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">A. +T. STEWART & CO.</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <small>Have made large additions to their very popular stock of</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ENGLISH BODY BRUSSELS,</span><br> + <br> +At $1.75, $2, and $2.25 per yard.<br> + <br> + <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST QUALITY VELVETS,</span></small><br> + <br> +At $2.50 per yard.<br> + <br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">ROYAL WILTONS,</span></big><br> + <br> +At $2.50 and $3 per yard,<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">MOQUETTES AND AXMINSTERS,</span><br> + <br> +At $3.50 and $4 per yard,<br> + <br> + <small>ALSO,</small><br> + <br> +Will offer a choice assortment of<br> + <br> +Ingrains, Three-Ply, Cocoa,<br> + <br> + <small>AND</small><br> + <br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">CANTON MATTINGS,</span></big><br> + <br> +ENGLISH AND DOMESTIC.<br> + <br> +OIL-CLOTHS, etc.,<br> + <br> +Of the Best Quality and Newest Designs.<br> + <br> + <small>Novelties in Carpets</small><br> + <br> +In one piece, with<br> + <small><br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">MEDALLIONS AND BORDERS,</span></small><br> + <br> +And also by the yard. Received by each and every steamer.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</span><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">4th Ave., 9th and 10th Sts.</span></td> + <td style="text-align: center;"> + <p><i>The two great objects of a learner's ambition ought to be +to speak a +foreign language idiomatically, and to pronounce it correctly; and +these +are the objects which are most carefully provided for in the MASTERY +SYSTEM.</i></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">The Mastery of Languages;</p> + <p>OR,</p> + <p>THE ART OF SPEAKING LANGUAGES +IDIOMATICALLY.</p> + <p>BY THOMAS PRENDERGAST.</p> + <p><i>I. Hand-Book of the Mastery Series.<br> +II. The Mastery Series. French. + <br> +III. The Mastery Series. German. + <br> +IV. The Mastery Series. Spanish.</i></p> + <p>PRICE 50 CENTS EACH.</p> + <p>From Professor E.M. Gallaudet, of the National Deaf +Mute College.</p> + <p>"The results which crowned the labor of the first week were +so astonishing that he fears to detail them fully, lest doubts +should be raised as to his credibility. But this much he does not +hesitate to claim, that, after a study of less than two weeks, be +was able to sustain conversation in the newly-acquired language +on a great variety of subjects."</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">FROM THE ENGLISH PRESS.</p> + <p>"The principle may be explained in a line—it is first +learning the +language, and then studying the grammar, and then learning <br> +(or trying +to +learn) the language."—<i>Morning Star</i></p> + <p>"We know that there are some who have given Mr. Prendergast's +plan a +trial, and discovered that in a few weeks its results had surpassed all +their expectations."—<i>Record</i>.</p> + <p>"A week's patient trial of the French Manual has convinced us +that the +method is sound."—<i>Papers for the Schoolmaster</i>.</p> + <p>"The simplicity and naturalness of the system are obvious."—<i>Herald</i> +(Birmingham.)</p> + <p>"We know of no other plan which will infallibly lead to the +result in a +reasonable time."—<i>Norfolk News</i>.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">FROM THE AMERICAN PRESS.</p> + <p>"The system is as near as can be to the one in which a child +learns to +talk."—<i>Troy Whig</i>.</p> + <p>"We would advise all who are about to begin the study of +languages to +give it a trial."—<i>Rochester Democrat</i>.</p> + <p>"For European travelers this volume is invaluable."<br> +—<i>Worcester +Spy</i>.</p> + <p>Either of the above volumes sent by mail free to any part of +the United +States on receipt of price.</p> + <p>D. APPLETON & CO., Publishers, +90, 92, and 94 Grand Street, New-York.</p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p>BURCH'S</p> + <p><big><b>Merchant's Restaurant</b></big></p> + <p>AND</p> + <p><b>DINING-ROOM,</b></p> + <p>310 BROADWAY,</p> + <p>BETWEEN PEARL AND DUANE STREETS.</p> + <p><i>Breakfast from 7 to 10 A.M.</i></p> + <p><i>Lunch and Dinner from 12 to 3 P.M.</i></p> + <p><i>Supper from 4 to 7 P.M.</i></p> + <p>M.C. BURCH, of New-York.</p> + <p>A. STOW, of Alabama.</p> + <p>H.A. CARTER, of Massachusetts.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"><big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">A.T. +Stewart & Co.</span></big></big><br> + <br> +ARE OFFERING<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS</span><br> + <br> + <small style="font-weight: bold;">IN<br> + </small><br> +Silks,<br> +Dress-Goods,<br> +Japanese Poplins,<br> + <br> +MOHAIRS,<br> + <br> +PLAID AND BROCHE BAREGES,<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">FRENCH PRINTED ORGANDIES,</span><br> + <br> +Jaconets,<br> +Percales,<br> +Iron Bareges,<br> + <br> +AND GRENADINE DITTO.<br> + <br> + <small>Forming the largest assortment of choice, fresh goods they<br> +have ever offered.<br> + <br> +The attention of their customers and the public is respectfully<br> +invited.</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</span><br> + <br> + <small style="font-weight: bold;">Fourth Ave., Ninth and Tenth +Sts.</small></td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>RED AS A ROSE IS SHE.</big></p> + <p><i>Third Edition.</i></p> + <p>D. APPLETON & CO., +90, 92, and 94 Grand Street, +Have now ready the Third Edition of</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>RED AS A ROSE IS SHE.</big></p> + <p>By the Author of "Cometh up as a Flower."</p> + <p>1 vol. 8vo. Paper Covers, 60 cents.</p> + <p>From the New-York <i>Evening Express</i>. +"This is truly a charming novel; for half its contents +breathe the very odor of the flower it takes as its title."</p> + <p>From the Philadelphia <i>Inquirer</i>. +"The author can and does write well; the descriptions of +scenery are particularly effective, always graphic, and never +overstrained."</p> + <p>D.A. & Co. have just published:</p> + <p>A SEARCH FOR WINTER SUNBEAMS IN THE +RIVIERA, CORSICA, ALGIERS, AND SPAIN. <br> +By Hon. S.S. Cox. Illustrated. Price, $3.</p> + <p>REPTILES AND BIRDS: A POPULAR ACCOUNT +OF THEIR VARIOUS ORDERS, WITH A +DESCRIPTION OF THE HABITS AND ECONOMY +OF THE MOST INTERESTING. <br> +By Louis Figuler. Illustrated with 307 wood-cuts. 1 vol. +8vo, $6.</p> + <p>HEREDITARY GENIUS: AN INQUIRY INTO ITS +LAWS AND CONSEQUENCES. <br> +By Francis Galton. 1 vol. 8vo. $3.50.</p> + <p>HAND-BOOK OF THE MASTERY SERIES OF +LEARNING LANGUAGES.</p> + <p>I. THE HAND-BOOK _ THE MASTERY SERIES. <br> +II. THE MASTERY SERIES, FRENCH. <br> +III. THE MASTERY SERIES, GERMAN. <br> +IV. THE MASTERY SERIES, SPANISH.<br> +Price, 50 cents each.</p> + <p>Either of the above sent free by mall to any address on +receipt of the price.</p> + </td> + <td align="center"><small><span style="font-weight: bold;">EXTRA +PREMIUMS</span></small><br> + <br> + <small>FOR</small><br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO.</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <small>Upon receipt of Five Dollars we will send PRANG & Co.'s<br> +Superb Chromo of</small><br> + <big><br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">"EASTER MORNING."</span></big><br> + <br> + <small>Size, 6-3/4 x 10-1/4. (Selling price, $3.) Free by mail. +And a copy of</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO</span><br> + <br> + <small>FOR ONE YEAR.</small><br> + <br> + <small>For Ten Dollars the Larger Size o</small>f<br> + <br> + <big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>"EASTER MORNING."</big></big><br> + <br> + <small>14x21. (Selling price, $10.) Free by mail. And a copy of</small><br> + <br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO</span></big><br> + <br> + <small>FOR ONE YEAR.</small><br> + <br> + <small>The regular subscription to PUNCHINELLO is Four Dollars,<br> +payable in advance.<br> + </small><br> + <small>This offer will be kept open only for a limited time, and +persons<br> +desirous to avail themselves of it will please</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">SEND IN AT ONCE.</span><br> + <br> + <small>Remittances should be made in Money Orders, Bank Checks,<br> +or Drafts on New-York, or by Registered Letters.</small><br> + <br> +Address,<br> + <br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO </span></big><br> +PUBLISHING CO.,<br> + <br> +83 Nassau Street.<br> + <br> + <small>[P.O. Box 2783.]</small></td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" align="center" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="66%" rowspan="2"><br> +<center><img src="images/16.jpg" alt="[Illustration: OUR PAVEMENTS.]"></center> +<br> +<i>Timid Tax-payer</i>. "WHAT! GOING TO +PAVE THIS STREET AGAIN? WHY, IT WAS NEWLY PAVED ONLY A WEEK AGO!"<br><br> +<i>Gentlemanly Contractor</i>. "PAVED? NOT MUCH! FOUNDATION LAID, +ONLY; AND NOW WE'RE GOIN' TO PUT THE JOBBER'S PATENT TOP-SOLID-SUPERSTRUCTURE +OVER THAT! " +<br> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p><b>WALTHAM WATCHES</b></p> + <p>3-4 PLATE.</p> + <p>16 and 20 Sizes.</p> + <p>To the manufacture of these fine Watches the Company have +devoted all +the science and skill in the art at their command, and confidently +claim +that, for fineness and beauty, no less than for the greater excellences +of mechanical and scientific correctness of design and execution, these +watches are unsurpassed anywhere.</p> + <p>In this country the manufacture of this fine grade of Watches +is not +even attempted except at Waltham.</p> + <p>FOR SALE BY ALL LEADING JEWELLERS.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><b style="font-family: helvetica,arial,sans-serif;">Bowling +Green Savings-Bank,</b><span + style="font-family: helvetica,arial,sans-serif;"> </span><br> +33 BROADWAY,</p> + <p>NEW-YORK.</p> + <p>Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M.</p> + <p>Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents to Ten +Thousand Dollars, will be received.</p> + <p>Six Per Cent Interest, Free of +Government Tax.</p> + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS</span> +Commences on the first of every month.</p> + <p>HENRY SMITH, <i>President</i>. <br> +REEVES E. SELMES, <i>Secretary</i>. +WALTER ROCHE, <br> +EDWARD HOGAN, <i>Vice-Presidents.</i></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2"> + <center> + <p><small><b>PRANG'S CHROMOS</b> are celebrated for their close +resemblance to Oil +Paintings. Sold in all Art and Bookstores throughout the world. PRANG'S +WEEKLY BULLETIN: "Bo-Peep," "Queen of the Woods," "First Lesson in +Music," "Travelling Comedians," "City and Country Life." Illustrated +Catalogues sent on receipt of a stamp by</small></p> + <p><b>L. PRANG & CO., Boston.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2"> + <h3>PUNCHINELLO:</h3> + <h2><b>TERMS TO CLUBS.</b></h2> + <p class="center">WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS</p> + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>FIRST:</small></small></p> + </center> + <p><i>DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER,</i></p> + <p>The most complete and desirable machine ever yet introduced +for spinning +purposes.</p> + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>SECOND:</small></small></p> + </center> + <p><i>BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES.</i></p> + <p>These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, as well +as useful; +and every lady should have one, as they can make every conceivable kind +of crochet or fancy work upon them.</p> + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>THIRD:</small></small></p> + </center> + <p><i>BICKFORD'S AUTOMATIC FAMILY KNITTER.</i></p> + <p>This is the most perfect and complete machine in the world. It +knits +every thing.</p> + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>FOURTH:</small></small></p> + </center> + <p><i>AMERICAN BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND SEWING-MACHINE.</i></p> + <p>This great combination machine is the last and greatest +improvement on +all former machines. No. 1, with finely finished Oiled Walnut Table and +Cover, complete, price, $75. No. 2, same machine without the buttonhole +parts, etc., price, $60.</p> + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small>WE WILL SEND THE</small></p> + </center> + <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="6" border="0" align="center"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">Family Spinner,</td> + <td align="left">price, $8,</td> + <td align="left">for 4 subscribers and $16.</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No.1 Crochet,</td> + <td align="left">price, $8,</td> + <td align="left">for 4 subscribers and $16.</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No.2 Crochet,</td> + <td align="left">price, $15,</td> + <td align="left">for 6 subscribers and $24.</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No.1 Automatic Knitter,<br> +72 needles,</td> + <td align="left">price, $30,</td> + <td align="left">for 12 subscribers and $48.</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No.2 Automatic Knitter,<br> +84 needles,</td> + <td align="left">price, $33,</td> + <td align="left">for 13 subscribers and $52.</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No.3 Automatic Knitter,<br> +100 needles,</td> + <td align="left">price, $37,</td> + <td align="left">for 15 subscribers and $60.</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="left">No.4 Automatic Knitter,</td> + <td align="left">2 cylinders,<br> +72 needles<br> +1 100 needles</td> + <td align="left">price, $40.</td> + <td align="left">for 16 subscribers and $64.</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No. 1 American Buttonhole<br> +and Overseaming Machine,</td> + <td align="left">price, $75,</td> + <td align="left">for 30 subscribers and $120.</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="left">No. 2 American Buttonhole<br> +and Overseaming Machine,</td> + <td align="left"> without buttonhole <br> +parts, etc., </td> + <td align="left">price, $60,</td> + <td align="left">for 25 subscribers and $100.</td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Descriptive Circulars</p> + <p>Of all these machines will be sent upon application to this +office, and +full instructions for working them will be sent to purchasers.</p> + <p>Parties getting up Clubs preferring cash to premiums, may +deduct +seventy-five cents upon each full subscription sent for four +subscribers +and upward, and after the first remittance for four subscribers may +send +single names as they obtain them, deducting the commission.</p> + <p>Remittances should be made in Post-Office Orders, Bank Checks, +or Drafts +on New-York City; or if these can not be obtained, then by Registered +Letters, which any post-master will furnish.</p> + <p>Charges on money sent by express must be prepaid, or the net +amount only +will be credited.</p> + <p>Directions for shipping machines must be full and explicit, to +prevent +error. In sending subscriptions give address, with Town, County, and +State.</p> + <p>The postage on this paper will be twenty cents per year, +payable +quarterly in advance, at the place where it is received. Subscribers in +the British Provinces will remit twenty cants in addition to +subscription.</p> + <p>All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to +P.O. Box 2783.</p> + <br> + <p>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY</p> + <p>No. 83 Nassau Street,</p> + <p>NEW-YORK</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <p style="text-align: center;"><small>S.W. GREEN, PRINTER, CORNER +JACOB AND FRANKFORT STREETS.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 6, May 7, 1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, MAY 7, 1870 *** + +***** This file should be named 9960-h.htm or 9960-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/9/9/6/9960/ + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. 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