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+Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1. No. 20, August 13, 1870, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1. No. 20, August 13, 1870
+
+Author: Various
+
+Posting Date: October 29, 2011 [EBook #9953]
+Release Date: February, 2006
+First Posted: November 4, 2003
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, AUGUST 13, 1870 ***
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+
+
+
+Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Sandra
+Brown and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
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+
+
+
+[Illustration: Vol. I. No. 20.]
+
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+PUNCHINELLO
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+SATURDAY, AUGUST 13, 1870.
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+       *       *       *       *       *
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+THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.
+
+
+AN ADAPTATION.
+
+
+BY ORPHEUS C. KERR.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+FOR THE BEST.
+
+Miss CAROWTHERS'S educational hotbed of female innocence was about to
+undergo desolation by the temporary dispersal of its intellectual buds
+and blossoms to their native soils, therefrom to fill home-atmospheres
+with the mental fragrance of "all the branches." Holiday Week drew near,
+when, as Miss CAROWTHERS Ritually expressed it, "all who were true
+believers of the American Church of England in their hearts would softly
+celebrate the devout Yearly Festival of Apostolic Christianity, by
+decking the Only True Church with symbolical evergreens over places
+where the paint was scratched off, and receiving New Year's Calls
+without intoxicating liquors." In honor of this approaching solemn
+season of peace on earth, good will to young men, the discipline of
+Macassar Female College was slightly relaxed: Bible-studies were no
+longer rigorously inflicted as a punishment for criminal absence of all
+punctuation from English Composition, and any Young Lady whose father
+was good pay could actually sneeze in her teacup without being locked
+into her own room on bread-and-water until she was truly penitent for
+her sin and wished she was a Christian. Consequently, an air of unusual
+license pervaded the Alms-House; woman's rights meetings were held at
+the heads of stairways to declare, that, whereas MARY AMANDA PARKINSON'S
+male second-cousin has promised to meet her at the railroad station, and
+thereby made her pretend to us that the letter was from her father, when
+all the time ANN LOUISA BAKER accidentally caught sight of the words "My
+Precious MOLLY" while looking for her scissors in the wrong drawer, and
+therefore, be it Resolved, that we wish he knew about one shoulder being
+a little higher than the other, (as she _knows_ the dressmaker told
+her,) and about that one red whisker under the left hand corner of her
+chin which she might as well stop trying to keep cut off; dark
+assemblages resembling walking lobsters were convened in special
+dormitories at night, to compare brothers and tell how they Byronically
+said that they never should care for women again after what they had
+sacrificed for them in the horse-cars without so much as a "Thank you,
+sir," but if they ever _could_ be brought to liking a girl now, it would
+be on account of her not pretending to care for anything but money and a
+husband's early grave; and very white parties of pleasure were organized
+in the halls, at ghostly hours, to go down to the cupboard for a
+mince-pie under pretense of hearing burglars, and subsequently to drink
+the mince-pie from curl-papers, accompanied by whispers of "H'sh! don't
+eat the crust so loud, or Miss CAROWTHERS 'll think it's a man."
+
+In addition to these signs of impending freedom, trunks were packed in
+the rooms, with an adeptness of getting in things with springs twice as
+wide as any trunk, and of laying cologne-bottles, fans, and brushes,
+between objects with ruffles so as to perfectly protect the latter, that
+would have put the most conceited old bachelor to shame. Affected
+tenderly by thoughts of a separation which, so ridiculously uncertain is
+human life, might be forever, the young ladies who couldn't bear each
+other, and had been quite sorry for each other because she couldn't help
+it with such a natural disposition and rough forehead as hers, poor
+thing!--graciously made-up with each other, in case they should not meet
+again until in Heaven.--You will not think any more, HENRIETTA
+TOMLINSON, of what I told you about AUGUSTUS SMITH'S remarks to me that
+Sunday coming out of chapel. I _didn't_ let you know before, my dear,
+but when he had the impudence to say that one of your eyebrows was
+longer than the other, and that you had a sleepy look as though a little
+more in the upper-story wouldn't hurt you, I stood up for you, and told
+him he ought to be ashamed to talk so on Sunday about you, after you'd
+taken such pains to please him. That's just all there was about that
+whole thing, HENRIETTA, dear, and now I hope we may part friends.--Why
+_shouldn't_ we, MARTHA JENKINS? I'm sure _I've_ never been the one to be
+unfriendly, and when Mr. SMITH told _me_, that he guessed my friend Miss
+JENKINS didn't know how much she walked like a camel, I was as sarcastic
+as I could be, and said I didn't know before that _gentlemen_ ever made
+_fun_ of natural deformities.--Yes, HENRIETTA, my love, I know how
+you've _always,_ te-he! spoken well of _everybody_ behind their backs.
+Gentlemen give _you_ their confidence as soon as they see you, without a
+_bit_ of fishing for it on _your_ part, and then you have a chance to
+befriend your poor friends.--Oh, well, MARTHA, darling, there's no need
+of your getting provoked because I wouldn't hear you called a camel--he!
+he!--after you'd been so angelic with him about stepping on the middle
+back-breadth of your poplin--"Oh, _never_ mind it at _all-l_, Mayistah
+SA-MITH; it's of _No-o_ consequence!" Te-he-he-he! When _is_ it to come
+off, Miss TOMLINSON? When does your AUGUSTUS finally reward your
+_perseverance_ with his big red hand?--I haven't asked him yet,
+Precious! out of regard for your feelings. He's _so_ sensitive about
+having any one think he's _jilted_ her; quite ridiculous, I tell
+him.--HENRIETTA TOMLINSON! you--you'd get on your _knees_ to make a man
+look at you: EVERYbody says _that!_--But then, you know, MARTHA JENKINS,
+there are persons who wouldn't be looked at much, even if they did go on
+their knees for it, _lovey_.--M'm'm! Ph'h'h! Please keep by your _own_
+trunk, HENRIETTA. I don't want anything _stolen,_ Miss!--He! he! Of
+course I'll go, MARTHA. There's so _much_ danger of my stealing your old
+rags!--_Don't_ provoke me to slap you, Miss!--Who are _you_ pushing
+against, _Camel?_--Aow-aouw-k!--Ah-h-h!--R-r-r-r'p, sl'p, p'l-'l Miss
+CROWTHERS' coming!!----And thus to usher in the merry, merry Christmas
+time of peace on earth, good will to young men.
+
+At noon on the Saturday preceding Holiday-Week, Miss CAROWTHERS,
+assisted by her adjutant, Mrs. PILLSBURY, had a Reception in the
+Cackleorium, when emaciated lemonade and tenacious gingerbread were
+passed around, and the serene conqueror of Breachy, Mr. BLODGETT,
+addressed the assembled sweetness. Ladies, the wheel of Time, who, you
+know, is usually represented as a venerable man of Jewish aspect with a
+scythe, had brought around once more a festival appealing to all the
+finer feelings of our imperfect nature. Throbbed there a heart in any of
+our bos-hem!--in any of the superstructures of our waists, that did not
+respond with joy and gladness to the sentiment of such a season? In view
+of Christmas, Ladies, did we say, in the words of--an acceptable
+Ritualistic translation from the Breviary--
+
+  "Day of vengeance, without morrow,
+  Earth shall end in flame and sorrow,
+  As from saint and seer we borrow?"
+
+No; that was not our style. We saw in Christmas a happy time to forgive
+all our friends, to forget all our enemies at the groaning board, and to
+keep on remembering the poor. Might we find all our relatives well in
+the homes we were about to revisit, and ready to liquidate our little
+semi-annual expenses of tuition. Might we find neighborhoods willing to
+take the resumption of piano-practicing in the forgiving spirit of the
+Christmas-time, and to accept the singing of Italian airs, at late
+hours, with the tops of windows down, as occurrences not to be profanely
+criticized in sleepless beds at a time of year when all animosities
+should be repressed. With love for all mankind, Ladies, where it was
+strictly proper, we would now separate until after the Holidays, wishing
+each other a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Then ensued
+leave-takings all around; terminating with a delicate consciousness on
+the part of each young lady present that she was not to be entirely
+without escort on her way to her home, inasmuch as there was a BILL
+prepared to go with her and be presented to her parents.
+
+A number of times had FLORA POTTS witnessed this usual breaking up,
+without any other sensation at herself being left behind in the
+Alms-House than one of relief from incessant attempts of dearest friends
+to find out what Mr. E. DROOD wrote about longing to clasp her again, in
+his last; and on this occasion she came near being really happy in
+having her dear MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON to remain with her. MAGNOLIA had
+never mentioned EDWIN'S name since the virtual compact between herself,
+and her brother, and Mr. SIMPSON, on the Pond shore; which was, perhaps,
+carrying woman's friendship rather too far to the other extreme:--she
+might as least have said, "Are you thinking of something commencing with
+a D.?" once in a while:--but the Flowerpot, while slightly wondering, of
+course, found a pleasant change in a companion of her own sex and age
+who was not always raising the D. in conversation.
+
+A lovely scene was it, and maddening to masculine imagination, when so
+many of Miss POTTS'S blooming young schoolmates kissed her good-bye in
+the porch, and gave her a last chance to tell them what he _had_
+written, then. It was charming to see that willed-away little creature,
+without her enamel, waving farewell to the stages departing for the
+ferry; and to hear the disappearing ones calling out to her: "By-bye,
+FLORA, dear; EDDY ought to see you now with your natural complexion."
+"_Au revoir_, Pet You'd better hurry in now; here comes a man!"
+
+"Don't stay out in the sun for us, Darling, or the belladonna may lose
+its effect."
+
+Oh, rosebud-garden of girls! Oh, fresh young blossoms, to which we of
+the male and cabbage growth are as cheap vegetables! Cling together
+while ye may in the fair bouquet of sweet school friendship, of musical
+parlor-sisterhood. So shall your thorns be known only to each other in
+such fragrant clustering, and never known at all to Men unless they
+insensately persist in giving you their hands.
+
+While the Flowerpot was thus receiving fond good-byes, EDWIN DROOD, on
+his way to see her, suffered an indecision of purpose which might have
+bred disquiet in a more gigantic mind than his. With the package
+containing the memorial stay-lace in one pocket, and his hands in two
+others, he strode up the Bumsteadville turnpike in a light overcoat and
+a brown study. But for good Mr. DIBBLE'S undeniably truthful picture of
+a modern lover's actual situation, he might have allowed matters to go
+as they would, and sunk into an early marriage without one prayer to
+Heaven for mercy. Now, however, that picture troubled him even more than
+the bump which he had got upon his head from the tilting table in the
+lawyer's office, and he was disposed to send the stay-lace back to the
+candid old man. "FLORA and I have about equal intellects," reasoned he
+to himself. "Shall I leave the whole question to her, or my own
+decision! One would be about as profound in wisdom as the other. Which?
+I guess I'll toss-up for it."
+
+He stepped aside from the road, under a leafless tree, and drew from a
+pocket a badly speckled nickel coin. "Heads for her, tails for me," he
+said, with some awe in his tone. The tasteful coin was tossed, and
+"Heads" stared up at him from the frozen ground. "It's her inning," he
+muttered, and, re-pocketing the money and his hands, went on whistling.
+Thus the great crises of our laborious human lives are settled by the
+idle inspiration of a moment, and fate, for good, or evil, comes as it
+is cent.
+
+The Flowerpot, expecting him, was ready in her walking dress, and, by
+tacit permission of Miss CAROWTHERS, the two started upon a promenade
+for the nearest confidential cross-road, each eating half of an apple
+which Mr. DROOD had brought to disguise his feelings.
+
+"My dear, absurd EDDY," said FLORA, when they had arrived in a secluded
+lane not far from St. Cow's Church, "I want to give you something very
+serious, and oh! I'm so ridiculously nervous about doing so,--especially
+after your giving me this apple."
+
+"Never mind the apple, FLORA. It was the fruit of our First Parents, and
+has constituted the most available pie of the poor ever since. Don't
+allow it to fetter your freedom of speech, and please try to eat it
+without such a gashing noise."
+
+"Thank you, EDDY. You have always been liberal with me. And now are you
+sure you won't be absurdly angry with me if I give you something?"
+
+He fell away from her a moment, as half anticipating a kiss, but
+promised that he would restrain his temper.
+
+"Then here you are, EDDY;" and she drew from a pocket in her dress and
+held out to him a small worsted mitten.
+
+"You give this to me?" he said, accepting it, and tossing it from one
+hand to the other, as though it were something hot.
+
+"Yes, dear, ridiculous friend; and from this day forth let us give up
+the cold indifference of people engaged to each other, and be as truly
+affectionate as brother and sister."
+
+"Never get married?"
+
+"Not to each other."
+
+Under the ecstatic influence of the moment, the emancipated young
+bondman began dancing and turning somersaults like one possessed but,
+quickly remembering himself, hastened to regain a perpendicular position
+at her side, and coughed energetically, as though, the recent gymnastics
+had been prescribed for his cold.
+
+"My own sister!" he exclaimed, "a weight is now lifted from both of our
+minds, and both of us should be the better for the lifting-cure It is
+noble in you to let me off so."
+
+"And it's perfectly splendid in you, EDDY, to make no horrid fuss about
+it."
+
+The beautiful contest of generosities between these two young souls made
+each as tender toward the other as though the parents of both had been
+alive and frantically opposed to their mutual attachment.
+
+"We are both sorry that we have ever had any absurd engagement between
+us," said FLORA, with a manner of exquisite softness, "and now, that we
+are like brother and sister, we need not be all the time playing the
+Pretty with each other, and needn't be putting on our best things every
+time we have to meet. You think that my hair always curls in this way,
+don't you, EDDY?"
+
+"Why, you don't mean to say, FLORA, that it's _all_--"
+
+"--False? No, you absurd thing! But curling irons, and oil, and crimping
+pins have to be used hours and hours."
+
+"Ha! ha!" laughed EDWIN DROOD, "I see the point; you've had to make-up
+for me. Now I dare say that you have thought my boots, which I have worn
+in your company, were the right size for me? They're really one and a
+half sizes too small, and almost kill me. As for gloves, I never wear
+any at all except when I come to see you."
+
+"And my complexion, dear brother?"
+
+"Oh, I know all about that, darling sister. I couldn't find any fault
+with _that_, so long as my own seal-ring, which you thought so
+rich-looking, was only plated."
+
+The little creature burst into a laugh of delight, and pressed his arm
+with sisterly enthusiasm. "And we can be perfectly honest with each
+other; can't we, EDDY? As a partnership for life until death should us
+part is no longer our object, we have no need to utterly deceive each
+other in everything."
+
+"No," answered the equally happy young man; "as we're not trying to
+marry now, we may as well drop the swindle."
+
+"And just suppose we'd gone on and got married," cried the Flowerpot
+with dancing eyes. "When it was too late, you'd have found out what I
+really was--"
+
+"And you'd have found _me_ out," interrupted EDWIN, vivaciously.
+
+"I should have wanted more expenditure upon myself, for giving me my
+proper place in society, than you, with your limited means, could have
+possibly afforded.--"
+
+"And I should have told you it would ruin me--"
+
+"And that would have made me more disappointed in you than ever, and
+provoked me to call you a pauper-monster.--"
+
+"And then I would have twitted you about being anything but an heiress
+yourself when I married you--"
+
+"--Which would have thrown me into hysterics--"
+
+"--Which would have made _me_ lock you up in your room, and leave the
+house--"
+
+"--For which _I_ would have sued you for an Indiana divorce--"
+
+"--Thus driving _me_ to commit suicide--"
+
+--"And bringing myself under a cruel public prejudice seriously
+detrimental to my future prospects."
+
+Gloriously excited and made nearly breathless by their friendly rivalry
+in thus specifying what must have been the successive results of their
+union without plenty of money, the animated pair panted at each other in
+a kind of imaginative intoxication, and then shook hands almost
+deliriously.
+
+In a moment after, however, Mr. DROOD thrust his hands into his pockets
+and presented an aspect of sudden discomfiture.
+
+"I forgot about my uncle, JACK BUMSTEAD," he said, uneasily. "It will be
+a dreadful blow for JACK: he's counted so much upon my having a wife for
+him to flirt with.--There he is, now!"
+
+"_Where_?"
+
+"Amongst those trees down there--Look!"
+
+In a small grove, skirting the road some distance behind them, Mr.
+BUMSTEAD could indeed be seen, dodging wildly from one tree to another
+in an extraordinary manner, and occasionally leaping high in the air and
+slashing excitedly around him with his alpaca umbrella. A hoop from a
+barrel, possibly cast out upon the road by somebody, had, apparently,
+become entangled around the legs and in the coat-tails of the
+Ritualistic organist; and he, in his extreme nervous sensibility,
+precipitately mistaking it for one of his old enemies, the snakes, had
+evidently fled headlong with it as far as the grove, and was there
+engaging it in frantic single-combat.
+
+"Oh, take me home, at once, please!" begged FLORA, alarmed at the
+remarkable sight.
+
+"Poor dear old fellow!" exclaimed her companion, obediently hurrying
+onward with her, "I shall never have the heart to tell him of our
+separation, and must leave it to your guardian. He'll think he's been
+the cause of it, by stealing your heart from me.--Here he comes!"
+
+They had barely time to conceal themselves in the Macassar porch, when,
+with umbrella in full play, and the barrel-hoop half-way up to his
+waist, Mr. BUMSTEAD came bounding along the turnpike with frenzied
+agility. "Shoo! 'S'cat, you viper! Get out!" cried he; and stopped, with
+an unearthly culminating scream of terror, immediately in front of the
+Alms-House, where the hoop suddenly fell at his feet. A moment he beat
+his fallen enemy with the umbrella, as though madly striving to actually
+hammer it into the earth; then, as suddenly, suspended his attack,
+stooped low to eye his victim more closely, and, with a fierce pounce,
+had it in his grasp. "Was it only thisss?" he hissed, holding it at
+arm's length: "Sold again: signed, J. BUMSTEAD." And, hanging it over
+his umbrella, he stalked moodily onward.
+
+"What a struggle his whole lonely life is!" said EDWIN DROOD, coming out
+from the porch.
+
+FLORA'S parting look, as she entered the door, was as though she had
+said, "Oh! don't you understand?" But the young man went away
+unconscious of its meaning.
+
+(_To be Continued_.)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: "THE NEXT THING TO IT."
+
+SCENE--NORTH ADAMS.
+
+_Butcher, (who is not quite prepared for the new order of things, to
+Chinese delegation:)_ "WELL, WE'RE JUST OUT OF DOG, BUT WE'VE SOME
+FIRST-RATE SAUSAGES."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A SEASONABLE PARODY.
+
+  Three women went waddling out into the surf,
+    Out into the surf at Newport town;
+  Each wore a bath suit of the very best,
+    Costing as much as a wedding-gown.
+  For men must work, and women must lave,
+  And what men earn their wives don't save,
+    Though husbands they be moaning.
+
+  Three brokers sat up at three high desks,
+    And balanced their books as the sun went down;
+  Each "poring" o'er ledgers that wouldn't come straight,
+    Each wrapped in a study disgustingly brown.
+  For men must sweat, and women keep cool,
+  And woman will ever be fashion's fool,
+    Though husbands they be moaning.
+
+  Three names are struck from the Gold Board's books,
+    Three brokers' sign-boards are taken down;
+  Three men are busy "seeing their friends,"
+    Borrowing money to get out of town.
+  For men must break if women must waste,
+  And it costs a deal to be "people of taste,"
+    So good-bye to the fools and their moaning.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+OUR PORTFOLIO.
+
+DEAR PUNCHINELLO: You may have heard of a slight breeze recently
+stirring at the Custom House, consequent upon the removal of Mr.
+GRINNELL and the appointment of the Hon. THOMAS MURPHY. The savage
+feelings which this event aroused have sufficiently subsided to allow a
+plain statement of the causes which led to it. At the time, it was the
+opinion of many that our worthy Chief Magistrate, convinced that things
+were getting along too smoothly in this State, had determined to infuse
+new life into both men and measures here. He didn't find it such a hard
+job "infusing" the measures, but when he came to the men all the usual
+machinery failed, and he had to get out a new patent battering-ram to
+wake them up. Such, I say, at least, was the popular impression,
+confirmed by the subsequent appearance of the persons against whom its
+operations were directed; but the initiated knew better. A few months
+ago a private commission, whose expenses were defrayed out of the Secret
+Service Fund, was sent to California to explore the region thereabouts
+for any hitherto undiscovered connection of the GRANT genealogical tree.
+For a long time the search was in vain, but finally the commission
+unearthed a chap in the mining district, who hadn't heard of LEE'S
+surrender yet, but whose sister had married a nephew of Mrs. GRANT'S
+brother-in-law. The poor fellow was promptly captured, combed and
+curried, and shipped East via Pacific Railroad, with a label across his
+back inscribed,
+
+  "Care of HIS EXCELLENCY, U. S. GRANT,
+
+  C.O.D."
+
+  _Washington, D.C._
+
+On his arrival the express charges were duly paid, and he was billeted
+at the White House, while orders were sent to the heads of the different
+departments to report what vacancies existed. Brief replies were
+returned from each, to the effect that another straw laid on the camel's
+back would break it, and, moved by a constitutional antipathy to
+breaking camel's backs, the President desisted from his efforts in those
+quarters. In this dilemma, the usual recourse was had to the New York
+Custom House, and Mr. GRINNELL was sounded as to what he could do for
+the last of the GRANTS. This is what he wrote:
+
+"Not even standing-room left. I have more branches of your genealogical
+tree now than would serve to thatch the Capitol. The federal turkey at
+this port is stuffed to bursting. You may think that the old Exchange
+Building, which we now occupy, is a secure building, and so it is, but I
+don't think it could hold me if another 'connection' is coming. My blue
+book divides these family contributions to the service of the country
+into three orders, viz.: 'GRANT,' 'DENT,' and 'SHARPE.' Of the order
+'GRANT' I have fifteen in the cellar, forty-seven on the first and
+second floors, and ten in the attic; of the order 'DENT, 'nineteen on
+the two floors, seven in the attic, and seventeen in the cellar, and of
+the order 'SHARPE,' so many that I have engaged the Lightning Calculator
+of the _World_ to compute them. Your Excellency will perceive that my
+situation is something like that of a commander who is troubled with too
+many officers, and if I should be attacked you will Grant that it would
+take some pretty Sharp practice to make even a Dent in the armor of my
+adversary.
+
+"The best I can do is to request you to authorize the creation of a new
+office, such as Supervision of Custom House Cobwebs, Keeper of the Water
+Tanks, or Statistician of Distilled Spirits consumed by Revenue Officers
+during the ensuing fiscal year, and then, on condition that he will
+never show his face in my office again, I will appoint your California
+offering to the place.
+
+Your disgusted friend and servant,
+
+MOSES."
+
+
+When the President read this epistle, he was so agitated that he put the
+lighted end of his segar in his mouth, but did not discover his mistake
+until Secretary FISH observed the ashes coming from his nose, and with
+an air of mock solicitude asked:
+
+"Does your Excellency experience any internal symptoms of a volcanic
+character, for I perceive that the crater is working?" pointing to the
+Presidential olfactory, while the owner sneezed a fresh volley of ashes
+through it.
+
+"It don't make any difference if I do," tartly responded ULYSSES, "but I
+tell you what it is, FISH, I'm going to build a little volcano under
+MOSE GRINNELL'S chair that'll 'hist' _somebody_ when it breaks out."
+Saying which he threw the late Collector's missive towards the
+piscatorial premier, and hurriedly left the room.
+
+The above is a genuine narrative, collected from authoritative data, and
+may be relied upon when all other means of ascertaining the truth fail.
+
+Yours, historically,
+
+DICK TINTO.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE WATERING PLACES.
+
+PUNCHINELLO'S VACATIONS.
+
+On the portico of the Mountain House, in the Catskills, Mr. PUNCHINELLO
+had the honor of being welcomed by Prof. AGASSIZ, Mr. P. had just
+arrived, and his valise was in his hand; but the Professor insisted on a
+little conversation with him.
+
+"In spite of the crowds at these summer resorts," said this learned man,
+"one seldom meets with any one who takes an interest in science."
+
+Mr. P. bowed, and mentally resolved to rub up his stock of
+polytechnology for the occasion.
+
+"I am glad, Mr. PUNCHINELLO," continued the Professor, "that you have
+not neglected science in your excellent journal. You have had some
+admirable treatises on natural history. The country is your debtor,
+sir."
+
+Mr. P. bowed again, and hoped, in his inmost heart, that the country
+would soon pay up.
+
+"I must admit that I am disappointed here--in several ways. In the first
+place, I have not found a single glacier."
+
+"No glaciers!" cried Mr. P., in surprise.
+
+"No sir, not one, and I can find no sign of the Triassic period."
+
+"Oh no!" said Mr. P. "Not now. That was several years ago, when GEORGE
+FRANCIS TRAIN, COLORADO JEWETT, and DAN RICE's celebrated little donkey
+were here. They're all gone now."
+
+The Professor looked up a little surprised at these remarks, but went on
+with his complaints. "And not a trace of cleavable pyroxene," said he.
+
+"Pie rock!" said Mr. P. to himself. "I'm glad it isn't seen. Have these
+geologists got to that?"
+
+"I hoped, too," continued the Professor, "to get a little scoria."
+
+"Oh!" said Mr. P. "You wanted to run up a little score here. Well sir, I
+think, in your case, that might be done--in fact, I've no doubt of it."
+
+"I fear you do not quite understand me," said the Professor. "I have not
+found here what I had expected. To be sure, I met with a little
+gneiss----"
+
+"Ah! a little niece," said Mr. P., rubbing his hands. "Well, now, that
+must be pleasant I am very glad indeed to hear it. It will certainly
+make the place much more agreeable for you."
+
+"Yes,--" said the Professor, "but it don't amount to much. I wanted
+particularly to find on these mountains some traces of their having once
+been a part of the shores of the ocean----"
+
+"Oh!" cried Mr. P., "I can help you there. I can show you a fine
+BEACH,--if that is what you want."
+
+"You can?" exclaimed the Professor. "With shells?"
+
+"I don't know about that," said Mr. P., "but there he is, in the
+bar-room--he keeps the house--and you can ask him yourself about the
+shells."
+
+Mr. P. now took occasion to hurry after the waiter to his room, but he
+heard the muttered thunder of a German-storm below him as he rapidly
+climbed the stairs. He had a very nice room in the extreme upper part of
+the house, and the view was charming.
+
+To the East one could see the Hudson-"winding like a silver thread;" the
+distant Bay of Fundy; and the foggy shores of Newfoundland.
+
+To the South were distinctly visible the blue Juniata; the bold arch of
+the Natural Bridge; and the long lines of shipping at New Orleans; while
+in the West, the setting sun could be seen glowing upon the walls of the
+Yo Semite, and gilding the tops of the big trees in the Mariposa valley.
+
+After feasting his eyes on this magnificent prospect, Mr. P. came
+down-stairs to feast on something which owed its enchantment to a
+cooking-range, and not to a range of distance. He met the Professor at
+the bottom of the stairs, and hastened to pacify him by inquiries about
+some little bushes that he had just gathered.
+
+"That is laurel," said the learned man, grumly.
+
+"Indeed!" said Mr. P. "We make lard of that in New York."
+
+"Lard?" cried the Professor. "I never heard of such a thing."
+
+"Oh, yes, certainly!" said Mr. P.
+
+"Have you never heard of the great LORILLARD manufacturing
+establishment?"
+
+"Never;" said AGASSIZ, "and I'll go and see it the very day I reach the
+city."
+
+The next day Mr. P. made the ascent of High Peak. Everybody does that;
+and so, with a small party, Mr. P. started out--gaily enough. On
+reaching the place where the heavy climbing begins, they met the New
+York Fat Men's Club coming down, and the peculiar appearance of the
+members deterred most of Mr. P.'s party from attempting the great feat.
+It was proposed that Mr. P. alone should make the ascent. He
+assented--and being thus, in a manner, ordered up--went it alone.
+
+It was not an easy thing--that climbing of High Peak--as any one will be
+apt to conclude after attentively studying this picture of the ascent.
+But an indomitable will can conquer all obstacles that are not too much
+for it, and at last Mr. P. balanced himself on the extreme point of the
+Peak. The view was so glorious that he instantly hastened down to inform
+his companions that they too must not miss it upon any account. Several
+of them, JOHN BINGHAM, of Ohio; SIMON CAMERON, and HENRY WILSON, of
+Massachusetts, objected very strongly to the proposed climb, as they
+were never in the habit of occupying very high ground. But Mr. P.
+insisted that they would there obtain what they needed more than
+anything else in the world, and he begged their pardon if he referred to
+extended views. So at last they all went up, and when they reached the
+topmost point Mr. P. placed himself so as to cut off his companions'
+retreat, and then he delivered to them a discourse that they will not
+soon forget.
+
+When from his remarks, and the practical illustration which lay beneath
+them, they had been made aware that it was a great country of varied
+interests, and not a few little sections, for which they should
+legislate, Mr. P. let them down.
+
+The following morning, after testing an admirable specimen of
+horn-blending--offered him by Mr. BEACH, and not Prof. AGASSIZ, Mr. P.
+set out alone for the Kauterskill Falls. His trip was wonderful. He went
+in a wagon. The scene was sublime. At one place he came across a bevy of
+New York artists sketching the scenery, and their sensations when he
+suddenly cut off their north light must have been peculiar. But they
+regained their accustomed pallor as the old horse struggled manfully,
+and the danger passed away.
+
+At last, after an exciting ride over roads that had perhaps never been
+trod before by human wheels, Mr. P. reached the great Kauterskill
+Falls--that lovely freak of nature which has been celebrated in all
+ages, and of which the poet says:
+
+  "The noble splash Niagara gives,
+    In thee, fair Kauterskill, still lives;
+  All but the mighty roar and size.
+    And clamor of wild hackmen's cries."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+This view of the Falls is from a sketch by Mr. P. himself.
+
+(He will send a beautiful chromo of it--seventeen and a fourteenth by
+eighteen and thirteen fifteenths of an inch--life size,--and a copy of
+the paper for nine years, for thirty-four dollars and a quarter--postage
+paid.)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+COMIC ZOOLOGY.
+
+GENUS FELIS.--THE LION.
+
+The Lion is a Cat, and has probably been a greater Scourge to humanity
+than any other of the feline race, with the exception of the nine-tailed
+variety, now almost extinct. He is known in Africa as the _Rad_, an
+Arabic word signifying thunder, and not, as the superficial philologist
+might suppose, a contraction of the name of a political party in this
+country that at present enjoys the Lion's share of the spoils. It is
+true that some of the American Rads are immense brutes, but in other
+respects they do not bear much resemblance to the "lord with a big head"
+which infests the African and Asiatic continents. Much has been said of
+the pluck and endurance of the Lion, but his heart often fails him in
+the hour of danger, and he sometimes Caves in without showing as much
+Bottom as is displayed by his counterfeit presentment on the stage. In
+short, like the Noble Savage of our own wilds, his moral attributes have
+been greatly exaggerated. He prowls through the woods at night in search
+of the herbivora which constitute his prey, but generally vanishes at
+the appearance of Aurora. The Rad also makes tremendous havoc among the
+stock in many parts of the East, but has never been known to molest the
+Bullock in Georgia.
+
+Among the sports who have particularly distinguished themselves as
+assailants of the Lion, may be mentioned SAMSON, HERCULES, NIMROD, JULES
+GERARD, Captain CUMMING, Sir SAMUEL BAKER, VAN AMBURGH, and CHARLES
+SUMNER, of Massachusetts. The last named gentleman, who is not generally
+looked upon as an ardent votary of the Chase, some time ago attacked the
+British Lion (_Leo Britannicus_) with tremendous ferocity, injuring that
+somewhat superannuated beast as much as it was possible to do with a
+short range air-gun at the distance of three thousand miles. For a
+moment the shaggy monster looked angrily across the Main at
+Massachusetts, but was soon satisfied that his antagonist was feinting,
+whereupon he yawned, winked lazily at an adjacent Unicorn, and relapsed
+into his customary state of doze. He evidently regards American
+Lion-shooters as a Motley throng, from whom nothing serious is to be
+apprehended.
+
+Several varieties of the Lion have been domesticated in this country,
+the principal of which is the Black African, mentioned by GERARD as the
+most formidable of the leonine tribe. Here, however, it is tolerably
+tame, and breeds faster than in Congo or Dahomey. There are two
+specimens (whelps) in the West Point Menagerie, and one of more
+venerable appearance, with a full mane (black and curly) in the
+Zoological Collection at the Capitol in Washington. Of this breed there
+are supposed to be about three millions in our Southern provinces. Some
+persons are of opinion that the Lion predestined to lie down with the
+snow-white lamb, in the millennium, is the Black African species, and
+from the fact that instances of this kind of union are even now of
+frequent occurrence, some people believe that the Reign of the Saints on
+Earth has already commenced. _Nous verrons._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+URBS IN RURE.
+
+Having been often importuned for advice, by inexperienced persons who
+are about to visit the country, Mr. PUNCHINELLO has concluded to make a
+full exposition of his ideas on the subject of rural summerings, as
+follows:
+
+When you pack your wardrobes put a few spring-beds in your trunk. You
+will find them less depressing than the ordinary summer beds out of
+town. A hair mattress or two may be stowed in the odd corners of your
+travelling bag.
+
+Arrange, if possible, for a regular supply of Croton. The ablutionary
+fluid is most difficult to be had in places where water is abundant. It
+is mostly reserved for scenic purposes, and for the promotion of "the
+mill-wheel's hum."
+
+Smokers should not lumber their baggage with Partagas. Connecticut
+supplies all summer resorts with the finest Havana segars.
+
+If you cannot live without Kissingen you had better take with you the
+necessary ingredients, and prepare your beverage yourself. Country
+dispensaries dispense with such drinks.
+
+No gentleman should go out of town without half a dozen high hats, in
+separate packages. They are just the thing for summer rambles in the
+woods. But remember to touch your beaver where the hemlock boughs are
+low. White duck is recommended for travelling suits. If the weather
+should moderate unexpectedly you can procure caloric at the kitchen
+fire. The finest kid gloves are to be worn on fishing excursions.
+
+Ladies should have with them as much jewelry as possible, borrowed or
+otherwise. A few five-thousand-dollar dresses will be appropriate when
+you go out to see the sun rise. The sun is quite fastidious about such
+things, and warmly approves an effective toilette.
+
+It will not be necessary to carry with you opera librettos. Any
+well-regulated country tavern can furnish everything of that sort that
+you will require.
+
+Have a few billiard-balls in your pocket, however. In cloudy weather you
+can improvise a game on the dining-room table. Travelling Chinamen will
+probably furnish you with queues.
+
+If you should be invited to try the fruit of the oak tree, on the theory
+that it is the American filbert,--very superior,--you can take your
+friend's word for it, without eating.
+
+Get up early in the morning and go out to shoot Welsh rabbits for
+breakfast. The exercise will improve your appetite.
+
+Find out all the novelties you can. It is a good thing to watch the
+black cat fish. Feelin' weary of that sport, you can sit on the rocks
+and tell the servant to bring you the evening paper on a silver salver.
+
+Observe carefully the auriferous sunsets among the mountains. You will
+thus be enabled to determine with sufficient accuracy how gold is
+"closing" in New York.
+
+Finally, write occasional letters to the _Evening Babble_. If your name
+is JONES, sign yourself "SENOJ." This thin disguise will be very pretty
+and will deceive your most intimate friends. Say in your correspondence
+that the tables of the house where you stay are "loaded with all the
+luxuries of the season." If convenient, show your letters to the
+landlord, whisper to him, "JONES _fecit_," and explain the little joke
+about the signature. This courtesy may somewhat alleviate your board
+bill.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: VICISSITUDES OF THE NATIONAL GAME.
+
+SKETCH OF LATE MATCH AT GOAT'S HILL, BETWEEN RIVAL CLUBS "BARE LEGS" AND
+"BULLY BOYS." UMPIRE UNDERTOOK TO RESERVE HIS DECISION UPON A "FLY
+CATCH." "BULLY BOYS" TOOK GAME INTO THEIR OWN HANDS, SETTLING IT AND
+THEIR OPPONENTS FOR ONE SEASON AT LEAST.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MY TURKISH BATH.
+
+DEAR PUNCHINELLO: It happened to be eleven o'clock some time during
+yesterday forenoon.
+
+I generally take something at that hour.
+
+Yesterday I took a Turkish Bath.
+
+I took a horse-car. (That, however, is neither here nor there: but it
+got within two blocks of there at 11.25.) I ran up the steps of the T.B.
+establishment, and wired the inmates. The door flew open, and an ideal
+voter, erst a chattel (I hope I am not obscure in this deeply
+interesting portion of the narrative) pointed his thumb over his
+shoulder, displayed a choice assortment of ivory, and chuckled with
+great natural ease. I supposed this to be a custom with the colored
+population of Turkey, and passed on.
+
+Everything was Turkish. I was struck with the order of the bath: also
+the scimetary of the apartments. As I think I before remarked,--I passed
+on.
+
+The M.D. proprietor shook hands with me very cordially. I also shook
+hands with him. I told him that I wanted no ceremony; but if agreeable
+to him, I would gird up my loins and go in. He intimated that the only
+ceremony was to fund a small portion of the contents of my pocket-book.
+I am a little hard of hearing,--and I passed on.
+
+An assistant, in the light and airy costume which I have so often
+noticed in Central Africa, in midsummer, beckoned to me, after I had
+laid aside a quantity of goods, (belonging to my tailor, and other
+downtown business men,) and I followed him.
+
+The room we entered was heated by what I took to be a successful
+furnace. I must have been mistaken, however, for I understood the
+assistant to apologise because, by reason of a defect in the flues, they
+had been able to get the temperature up only to about 475 degrees that
+morning. I was a little disappointed, but simply suggested that the
+thermometer was Fair in Height; but if I felt chilly I would send out
+for some blankets.
+
+He laid me on a slatted conch.
+
+I experienced a gentle glow.
+
+Afterwards, (I don't know why, exactly, I have always attributed it to
+the temperature,) I felt hot--hotter--Hottentotter! It seemed as though
+the equator ran right along the line of my back-bone.
+
+I didn't care.
+
+I couldn't recollect whether my name was SHADRACH, MESHACH, or ABEDNEGO;
+but I was baking and sizzling just as furiously as though I had paid in
+advance. My pores were opening, and the perspiration was immense. A red
+bandanna handkerchief would have been swamped.
+
+There was a bald-headed man next me. He said he had been lying there
+three weeks, and he was going home next Saturday if he didn't strike
+oil. I grappled with the allusion, and replied that that was a poor
+opening any way, and I didn't believe I could myself lie there so
+coolly.
+
+Waiting till my identity was pretty much gone, I dropped into another
+marble hall. The assistant (to whom my warmest thanks are due) scooped
+up what was left of me and laid me on a slab.
+
+The assistant said I needed him, but, to the best of my recollection, he
+kneaded me. He went all over me, taking up a collection, and did
+first-rate. I threw off all reserve--about half a pound, I should judge.
+He seemed to take a fancy to me. I never knew a man to get so intimate
+on short acquaintance.
+
+We talked rationally on a good many subjects.
+
+He said he barely got a living there. I was surprised. I supposed he
+managed to scrape together a good deal in the course of a year.
+
+He said he wanted to go into some wholesale house. I ventured to predict
+that success awaited him in the rubber business. In fact, we kept up
+quite a stream of conversation, which he supplemented with a hose that
+played over me in a gentle, leisurely manner, as if I were fully
+insured.
+
+He then shoved me into a deep-water tank where the "Rules for Restoring
+Persons apparently Drowned" whizzed through my mind, and I came very
+near forgetting that I didn't know how to swim. I managed, however, to
+fish myself out in season to observe the bald-headed ANANIAS, who
+murmured that he had been laid upon the table and should take a peel!
+
+I came out to the drying-room, and made them think I was General GRANT,
+by calling for a cigar. I drank a cup of coffee. After a while I rattled
+into my clothes and felt better. So much so, that I did what I seldom
+do, walked clean home.
+
+If I live to be ninety-eight years old, and am pensioned by Congress,
+the explanation which I shall give to the country at large is that it is
+due to that Turkish Bath. I can't tell you what I owe to it.
+
+SARSFIELD YOUNG.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: DEATH OF THE "ENTENTE CORDIALE."
+
+_Mother Bull._ "WELL, I NEVER THOUGHT MUCH OF IT. IT ALWAYS WERE A PUNY,
+SICKLY LITTLE THING."
+
+_Mother Nap._ "AND TO THINK HOW I HAVE NURSED IT AND NURSED IT!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HIRAM GREEN WRITES TO NAPOLEON.
+
+HIS OPINION OF THE CAUSE OF THE WAR--REVIEWS THE LATE WAR FOR THE
+UNION--A FEW SUGGESTIONS.
+
+SKEENSBORO, NYE ONTO VARMONT, _July--18 Seventy_.
+
+FREND LEWIS:--How does the Emperor bizzness pay about these times?
+
+Wouldn't you rather be door-keeper in some well payin' Circus, than rool
+on the Thrown of Frants about now?
+
+Haint your present birth enuff to occashunly make a man forgit the 3rd
+Commandment, and use Congreshunal langwige freely?
+
+I see, by the papers, you're up on your mussle, and are about to cave in
+Prushy's head, unless Prushy nocks you out of time.
+
+You've got a very ingenious brain, my friend.
+
+What you don't know, DANIEL WEBSTER never rote in his Dickshunary.
+
+Feelin' bad about BENDITTY gettin' his smell-o-factory snubbed by King
+WILLIAM, haint what you got up this ere war for.
+
+I can see through your little dodge, my Royal friend.
+
+Things was gettin' too warm for your Imperial top-knot.
+
+Them little jewels, which rested upon your brow, didn't set easy, and
+was makin' Corns on your figger head.
+
+Your subjects was spilin' for a fite--and as sure as your borned,
+nothin' but a forrin war would keep you from follerin' in the footsteps
+of LEWIS the 16th, and keep the Boneypart Die-nasty on its pins.
+
+A good chance turnin' up, you got up a _nasty_ war, so the Prints
+Imperial would _die_ off of the Thrown.
+
+"Eh! how's that for Hi'?"
+
+Yes, LEWIS, you are a bitter pill to swaller, and no mistake.
+
+I, the Lait Gustise says so.
+
+Us folks over here hain't so much on the war as we was. We've had our
+stomack full of war.
+
+Nootrality is what ales us jist now, altho' I must confess we don't go
+quite so heavy on it as England did doorin' our family quarrel. England
+was so afrade she couldn't preserve her nootrality alone, that she
+fitted up the Alabarmy to help her. And some other folks I know of was
+so fast to perserve _her_ nootrality, that she came over to Mexico so as
+to be near bye to do it, but if this court hain't laborin' under a
+teckinal error a few Pea-crackers traded off their soger overcotes for
+white pine ones. And the rest of 'em scratched gravel pooty lively for
+_lay bell France_.
+
+I'm afrade I can't jerk soft sawder when I git hold of a goose quil.
+Guess not.
+
+When you kill off all your present army, you must git up a draft.
+
+When we had our war here, a man who didn't stand his little draft didn't
+amount to shucks. Altho' we had more cripples and able-bodied loonatics
+here them times, than since. The enthusiasm got up to that pitch, that
+when an enrolling officer would pass down the streets, crowds would rush
+after him, and with tears in their eyes and a $300 bill in their hand,
+beg the enrolling officer to let them die for their blessed country--by
+sendin' a substitoot. Patriotism ran so high, that altho' a man hadn't a
+dollar to his back or a shirt in his pocket, he marched gallantly to the
+war meetins, and voted to assess his rich nabor to raise money for the
+purpose of buyin' substitoots with which to prosecute the war.
+
+Them was the times as tride men's soles, and made the shoomakers laff,
+who done the toppin'.
+
+Jumpin' bounties paid them times.
+
+The bold patriot and able-bodied hero who couldn't jump his two bounties
+a week, beside his bord and washin', wasn't warmed by the fires of 1776.
+
+Yes, sir; the self-sacrificing contractor, doorin' that eventful period,
+by cuttin' down the poor sewin' wimmen's wages, partriotically furnished
+the Government a superior lot of pastebord shoes for $27.00 a pair, and
+a nice cool shoddy overcote for $97.00 apiece.
+
+Having received the reward of a gratefool country, he is resting from
+his patriotick labors at Saratogy or Long Branch.
+
+Seein' that you have got a war on your hands, I hope it will pay better
+than your Plebiscotum, altho' I don't know whether that 'ere article
+resembles a bile or a brick meetin' house.
+
+I understand you have mobolized your army.
+
+My advice is to unmobilize 'em again, and get 'em in line.
+
+I don't believe in mobs.
+
+They are apt to get mixed, and popp off each other.
+
+Millingtery disipline is a commander's best holt.
+
+Little FILL SHERIDAN is comin' over to see you fite.
+
+FILLIP is a plucky little cuss. He allers used to fite in the Calvary.
+
+I don't believe he likes Infant-ry, for he remains onmarried.
+
+If "Old 20 miles away" calls on you, tell him I've got a gal, smarter'n
+a 2 year colt, he can have by the askin'. She's a good cook, and can do
+up a shirt _el commee faw_, and you know what that is, better'n I do.
+
+Don't appint your wife Re-gent. It will be a sorry day for you, if you
+do.
+
+I appinted Mrs. G. in that position durin' the Honey moon of our wedded
+life, and the old gal has hung onto the Specter ever since, and she
+wields it with a cast-iron hand. As somebody says:
+
+Give a woman an inch, and you'll get 'el.
+
+Remember your grate uncle.
+
+He was a able sojer, and could worry down hard tack and mule beef ekal
+to the best of 'em.
+
+But Waterloo ukered the old man, and the "Head of the army" pegged out
+at Saint Heleny.
+
+Look out that his nefew don't get served ditto.
+
+As I've writ you considerable on public affairs, I will addres you a few
+lines on private ones.
+
+Mrs. GREEN would like to borrow a new fashioned caliker dress pattern of
+UGEENY.
+
+MARIAR bought a ticket in a church lottery, and drew a new fast collers
+caliker.
+
+Would you have her make it up with a pancake attached to back of it, or
+would you put a pendelum on it?
+
+She thought of having it scolloped, but in hot weather scollops are apt
+to spile unless cookt, and I think a _roosh_ of oyster shells would be
+rather more _distangue_.
+
+My wife makes all her own dresses; but I suppose, as you get good wages,
+like as not your woman has some one to do the fittin', while she runs up
+the seams on a sewin' machine.
+
+Take good care of yourself.
+
+Don't drink ice water this hot weather without temperin' it with brandy.
+When "this cruel war is over" come and see us, and believe me, my dear
+Imperial rooler--duke of the Empire--and master of the royal Household
+of Frog Eaters,
+
+Ewers:
+
+HIRAM GREEN, ESQ.,
+
+_Lait Gustise of the Peece._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE LAST CASE OF "SHOO! FLY."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: PLIGHT BY THE SEA.
+
+_Charles_. "O THAT LAST DIP! SPEAK, NOW, MY DEAREST JANE, AND SAY THOU
+WILT BE MINE FOREVER."
+
+_Jane_. "I AM THINE, DEAREST! EVER, EVER THINE!--BUT SAY, WILT THOU NOT
+GIVE ME ANOTHER DIP?"
+
+_Charles, (vulgar wretch!)_ "YOU BET!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+RAMBLINGS.
+
+BY MOSE SKINNER.
+
+MR. PUNCHINELLO: I infer that you never visited Slunkville, Vermont.
+Still, it is not strange, for many very estimable people have not done
+so, and still they are happy.
+
+It is a very quiet hamlet. More quiet, if possible, than BOOTH'S HAMLET.
+
+I am sojourning here for the summer. Communing with Nature, I believe
+they call it. I can commune here for five dollars a week and no extra
+charge for retiring pensively to a babbling brook, and reading MILTON or
+BYRON, though when my poetic soul hankers most, I prefer Bacon.
+
+I take it fried, about an inch thick, with plenty of ham fat.
+
+I went to hear Parson SLOWBOY last Sunday, on the Coolie question. He
+handled it without gloves, and, it being very warm, without stockings
+also. It's a very exciting question just now, almost as exciting as the
+question, "What'll you take?" and I must say, that, even in the heat of
+argument, he talked Cool-ie.
+
+The Parson is very zealous, but rather illiterate. During a fervent
+exhortation he prayed that, "all the undiscovered and uninhabited isles
+of the sea might become converted," and on another occasion he began
+with,--"Oh, Lord, thou art a merciful sinner."
+
+But he means well, and that is everything. A man knocked me down once,
+and stamped on my head several times. But he meant well because he
+thought I was another fellow. He apologised so politely that I actually
+felt cheap because he hadn't done it a little more.
+
+But I'm afraid we shall lose Parson SLOWBOY. He's had a call. He hates
+to go, but he says it's his duty; the call is so loud.
+
+It is two hundred dollars louder than his present salary.
+
+The Lyceum Committee held their annual meeting last week. They are in a
+flourishing condition, having recently embellished their front door-step
+with a new and elegant scraper of unique design; and purchased four
+superb spittoons for the use of the committee. The President announced,
+amid great cheering, that they would probably open the fall campaign
+with eleven dollars in the treasury. The course will open with a debate
+on the question: "Are sardines wholesome when ripened in the shade?"----
+
+She who was among us one short year ago, with her winning smile and
+gentle simplicity of manner, is now no more. The grass grows green o'er
+her last resting place, while he who crushed her young life is far away
+among his dissolute companions.
+
+LUCY JONES was indeed a lovely maiden. The tear rises unbidden to my
+eye, as I recall her in the artlessness of her maiden beauty, hanging
+her feet into the mill-pond, or chewing the strings of her sun-bonnet.
+And when the stagecoach came in she would stand with her apron full of
+horse-chestnuts, and heave 'em at the passengers.
+
+But the tempter came, and from that time she began to droop.
+
+She continued to droop till she couldn't get any drooper.
+
+And, with the gentle breath of June wafting sweet perfume from a wealth
+of new-born roses, they laid her away.
+
+And the undertaker's bill was seven dollars and forty-five cents.
+
+Her old man's constitution was never robust, and this was too much.
+
+"I don't complain at the seven dollars," said he, in a voice broken by
+emotion, "but ain't the forty-five cents rather crowding the mourners?"
+
+This undertaker is an awful lazy man. The neighbors say he was born with
+his hands in his pockets, and they go so far as to say that 'twould have
+been a good thing for his wife and family if he'd been still born. But I
+think this is going too far.
+
+I don't think he ever got over the death of his brother, about a year
+ago. It was very sudden. Without thinking what he was doing, he sat down
+on a keg of powder with a lighted pipe in his mouth, and we have no
+authentic information of his whereabouts since.
+
+The neighbors heard him when he went off, and, amusements being scarce
+in that section, they proposed to regale themselves with an inquest.
+
+Twenty active boys volunteered to scour the neighborhood in search of a
+piece of the unfortunate man. Nineteen came back empty-handed.
+
+The twentieth brought a button-hole, and over this the inquest was held.
+
+His brother never took on much, but I know he felt it, for he always
+calculated to have that pipe when JOHN died. It _was_ rather rough, if
+you examine it critically.
+
+P.S. What'll you charge to publish a little editorial in your paper,
+saying that I am as genial and polished a gentleman as you ever met, and
+'twould be perfectly safe to lend me any amount? I want it for
+circulation among new acquaintances.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PARDONABLE SOLICITUDE.
+
+MR. PUNCHINELLO: Having the most unbounded respect for your Gudgment i
+wanto know whether you think ther is rely gonto be mutch fiting between
+the french and the Prooshuns. It will be a important question to me this
+Year, as i hev Raised over 100 bushel of weat and i think it wood make a
+differns of over $20 to me, and i think if NAPOLIN gives up without
+fiting he isen't mutch of a man eny how.
+
+AN AMERICAN FARMER.
+
+[Our correspondent will understand that the question of the continuance
+of the war depends altogether on the comparative merits of the needle
+gun and the Chassepot. Possibly our correspondent has not a supply of
+either of these weapons at hand, but he can test them as follows: Arm
+yourself with a sewing-machine as a representative of the needle gun;
+then let one of your neighbors arm himself with a _chasse cafe_ to
+represent the Chassepot, and then fight it out on that line until the
+best weapon wins.--ED. PUNCHINELLO.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE MERCANTILE LIBRARY ASSOCIATION.
+
+[Illustration: 'P']
+
+Perusal of the last Annual Report of the Mercantile Library
+Association--the forty ninth annual, by the way,--convinces PUNCHINELLO
+that matters are all serene in that favorite resort of his. The only
+"burst" about it appears, according to the report, to arise from a
+plethora of books, which are bursting each other off from the shelves
+for want of room. There is something funny in this statement when we
+read, elsewhere, that 250 copies of "Little Women" have been added to
+the shelves. Little women are notoriously pugnacious, and, as a matter
+of 250 copies of the "Old-fashioned Girl" have also found lodgings on
+the library shelves, no wonder that there was a "muss" on the premises.
+
+So far as the Reading-room is concerned, PUNCHINELLO is glad to know
+that the reserve with which magazines were kept behind the desk for a
+year or two past, has given place to a new and better arrangement. One
+can take up his magazine, now, from a table appropriated to periodicals,
+just as if he were in his own house--only more so, as there are not many
+private mansions that can boast of a supply of 174 magazines, which is
+just the number taken in at the Reading-room. The only objection to this
+arrangement, according to PUNCHINELLO'S way of thinking, is that it
+debars a fellow from the opportunity of addressing himself to one of the
+fascinating ladies in charge of the room, and having a private lark with
+her under the pretext of obtaining a magazine.
+
+The Report states that the magazine thief, and the cutter and maimer of
+newspapers, are characters not as yet altogether unknown to the pleasant
+acre or two of room appropriated to the readers of such literature. Not
+unfrequently has PUNCHINELLO, when tumbling about copies of magazines
+exposed for sale on street tables, detected copies bearing the mark of
+the Association. Hence it appears that certain mean miscreants keep
+themselves in tobacco and other cheap luxuries by filching single
+magazines from the room, and disposing of them in bulk, when they have
+accumulated as many of them as will fetch fifteen or twenty cents at
+reduced prices. Meaner, if possible, than said miscreant, is the one who
+cuts from a paper such paragraph as may be most valuable to him for some
+inscrutable purpose--a paragraph containing important news, perhaps,
+from the knowledge of which the next reader is consequently debarred. A
+roll upon the first layer of a patent pitch pavement, and a subsequent
+plunge into the show-case of a feather-dealer, would be merely a
+sportive hint to these reading-room malefactors that their room would be
+nicer than their company.
+
+PUNCHINELLO is glad that the Directory of the Association have paused on
+the question of opening the Reading-room on Sundays. The matter with
+most city people is that their eyes have too much paper and printer's
+ink forced upon them during the six days of the week. Give the eyes a
+holiday on Sunday, by all means. Let them rest themselves upon the blue
+skies and the green meadows; upon the birds, and flowers, and
+butterflies, in Central Park, and upon everything else that is lovely,
+including the muslins and sweet things in ribbons of the period.
+
+In conclusion, PUNCHINELLO delights in whiling away an hour or two in
+the Reading-room of the Mercantile Library Association. There he feels
+perfectly at home; and if he has a word or two of information to obtain
+from the dark-eyed young lady in charge of the room, he is always
+certain to find himself prettily Posted.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+AN INTERESTING RELIC.
+
+A gentleman of this city is in possession of a very curious and
+elaborate watch-guard made of the Hairs of ANNEKE JANS.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE NEW "PROCESS."
+
+The two-fold plan which contemplates, 1st, Making Ice out of Water; 2nd,
+Making Money out of Ice, has some features which, we should say, will be
+of interest to the various Metropolitan Ice Companies. As it can be "no
+joke" to them, perhaps it should be no joke to us: though, on
+reflection, we are not so very like. No, no, indeed! As for ourselves,
+we are liberal. You will never find us taking advantage of the
+necessities of the public.
+
+The "cream" of the joke, as we see it, is that, owing to the abundance
+and cheapness of this machine-made ice, the Ice Cream of the future--by
+containing rather less farina and skim-milk (very good, indeed, in a
+pudding,)--may be rather more worthy its title, at present so idealistic
+and humorously preposterous. ("Cream," indeed! Ha! ha!)
+
+Success to the new Process. We "freeze to it" instantaneously, and find
+that we have left the celebrated Zero at least forty degrees behind.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE WRINGER OF THE FUTURE.
+
+The Yankee who invented everything else has now invented the "Wringer
+Man's Monitor!" In spite of its name, the Monitor is a machine for the
+use (and, we suppose, benefit,) of washer-women. "It is so
+constructed----_so_ as to allow the rollers to separate _equally alike_
+at both ends," observes the tautological inventor. We hope he has been
+more economical in the expenditure of wringing power than he seems to be
+in the use of the English language; otherwise, we fear the poor
+laundresses will find the Monitor a trifle too heavily plated.
+
+What we want (and we here beg the attention of inventive Yankees,) is a
+machine that will, if possible, wring the truth from current Cable news,
+and stop just as the lies begin to be squeezed out. Perhaps the stuff
+won't wash! Then let the main pressure be felt by its inventors and
+publishers.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+O THAT AIR!
+
+At the Grand Opera, in Paris, the great excitement is the singing of the
+"Marseillaise," by Madame SASS. Not many months ago the _Sans-culottes_
+made the streets ring with this famous air, which was then a
+revolutionary one, but, since the declaration of war, has flushed up
+with the deepest dye of imperial purple. On the principle that "What is
+Sass for the goose is Sass for the gander," Madame S. certainly should
+not decline to sing the air on "t'other tack," when the time arrives for
+the _Sans-culottes_ to demand it of her.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+SINGULAR MISTAKE.
+
+On Wednesday of last week a rumor prevailed in the city that most of the
+waiters in the hotels and restaurants were on a strike. Investigation
+proved, however, that the rumor arose from the immense number of Waiters
+congregated at Sandy Hook, waiting for the arrival of the winning yacht.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT.
+
+Just when the weather was at its hottest, a newspaper item kindly stated
+that "yesterday, the sun's rays were tempered by a strong breeze."
+
+Perhaps so; but they were very ill-tempered.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+LOCAL.
+
+There is in this city a rag-picker so wealthy that he can afford to
+drink wine every day. It is needless to say that Sack is the wine
+preferred by him.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+SHEAR DISSIPATION.
+
+A man having his head shorn in hot weather, in order that he may be able
+to continue his mad career of mixed drinks with diminished danger.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+LATEST FROM THE SEAT OF WAR.
+
+THE WAR SPIRIT IN FRANCE.--Cognac.
+
+THE WAR SPIRIT IN PRUSSIA.--Kornschnapps.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A CHINA PATTERN.
+
+[Illustration: 'T']
+
+There has been much obloquy heaped upon the Chinaman ever since he has
+become an article of importation. He has been morally pilloried on
+account of the alleged immorality of his character. Some call him a
+thief; others impute unto him a kind of sub-cannibalism, inasmuch as he
+bringeth unto his fleshpots that sagacious canine creature known for
+ages as the friend and companion of man. There be those who proclaim him
+liar, thief, counterfeiter, and apt practitioner, generally, in all the
+branches of infamy and crime. That some of these allegations may be true
+is more than probable, seeing that the city of New York, alone, not to
+mention the rest of the world, contains not a few individuals known to
+be liars, thieves, counterfeiters, and apt practitioners, generally, in
+all the branches of infamy and crime, and who yet belong to races
+supposed to be far superior to the Mongolian.
+
+None of the depreciators of the Chinaman, however, have yet impeached
+him of a fondness for intoxicating liquors. That he smokes opium is
+neither here nor there, seeing that smoking is not drinking. He
+stupefies himself to some extent with the drug, it is true, but the
+stupidity resulting from it is of an amiable and passive kind, quite
+unlike that of our native or imported rough, whose fiery potations,
+(word evidently derived from Irish potato,) impel him to imbrue his
+brass knuckles in blood, if only simply for amusement and to "keep his
+hand," (with the brass knuckles,) "in." And so, at present, WHANG-HI
+seems to be a far better citizen than HI! HI! of our low places, nor is
+there any prospect that he will turn over a new tea-leaf, and forsake
+his national beverage for the "fire-water" of the Western hemisphere.
+
+Perhaps, in time, our great cities may profit by the presence of JOHN
+Chinaman among us as a pattern. O happy day! that on which the
+pug-nosed, bull-necked, brass-knuckled, beetle-browed, ugly New York
+rough discards whiskey and takes to opium instead. Ere long the use of
+the comatose drug would effect such a change in the characteristics of
+our dangerous classes, that the maintenance of so large a police force
+as we have at present would no longer be necessary. That they would use
+the drug to excess there can be no doubt, and that is the main point.
+
+Eventually, the brutes might become absolute Mongolians, and develop
+tails. That would be a blessed illustration of the gradual development
+theory! With our roughs all turned to Coolies, happily would glide the
+swift hours away. Let the government take this view of the matter, with
+which Mr. PUNCHINELLO has here the pleasure of presenting them. If they
+cannot abolish whiskey, let them increase the tax upon it, at least, and
+let them take the duty off opium just so soon as our American Chinaman
+shall have outgrown the use of that fatal narcotic, and introduced it to
+the favorable notice of our American rough.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: POCAHONTAS SAVING THE LIFE OF CAPT. JOHN SMITH. FROM THE
+ORIGINAL PICTURE PAINTED BY SIR WALTER RALEIGH, FOR HER MAJESTY, QUEEN
+ELIZABETH, AND FOR WHICH THE QUEEN BEKNIGHTED HIM.
+
+With admirable skill, the painter has depicted the heroic maiden as she
+uttered those memorable words--"Persevere in this measure, and you will
+lose the confidence of your squaw constituents!" the ladies having
+pronounced the Captain "perfectly splendid."
+
+In the foreground is seen a wretched widower, clasping with affection an
+urn, supposed to contain the ashes of his dear departed, who was slain
+at the polls.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+QUERY.
+
+MR. PUNCHINELLO: On very high authority, (that of the Emperor of France
+and the King of Prussia,) Providence is on the side of both parties in
+the present contest. As this is uniformly the case, according to the
+affirmations of both parties in the war, are we to infer that killing is
+a laudable pursuit, and that it is only in cases where one side happens
+to have "heavier artillery" than the other, that Providence actually
+chooses sides?
+
+Two things I know--the weather is uncommonly warm, and this is an
+uncommonly tough question; so you may answer at your leisure (indeed, I
+suppose you would do that any way,)--or not at all: which, I observe,
+you sometimes do, when the question before you is a little _too_ tough.
+
+PARADOX.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+OUR POPULARITY.
+
+It is gratifying to know that PUNCHINELLO is fast becoming an object of
+interest to all intelligent citizens of this enlightened country. The
+recent large additions to our subscription list prove how highly we are
+appreciated. Would it be considered unreasonable of us, however, to ask
+that something less than twenty per cent, of our new subscriptions
+should be spared to us by certain parties not wholly unconnected with
+country post-offices? Not long since, of forty-two subscriptions
+received from Whitehall, N.Y., in one week, nine copies of PUNCHINELLO
+No. 16 mysteriously disappeared between that place and New York city.
+Had the gentlemen who appropriated these papers, in their enthusiasm for
+PUNCHINELLO, kindly allowed them to go to their destination, instead,
+and written to us, pleading their inability to purchase copies of the
+paper, we might, perhaps, have sent them some in consideration of their
+indigent circumstances. If the abstraction of the papers was intended as
+a joke--the point of which we do not see, by the bye--we are willing to
+overlook the offence "just once." Should it be repeated, however, we
+shall have some reference to make to the proper quarter that will be
+pertinent to the subject.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A. T. Stewart & CO.
+
+Are offering at the following
+
+EXTREMELY LOW PRICES,
+
+Notwithstanding the large advance in gold,
+
+TWO CASES EXTRA QUALITY
+
+JAPANESE POPLINS in Silver-Grey
+and Ashes of Roses,
+
+75 cts. per yard, formerly $1.25 per yard.
+
+REAL GAZE DE CHAMBERY,
+
+Best quality, 75 cts. per yard, formerly $1.50 per yard.
+
+A LARGE ASSORTMENT OF
+
+SUMMER SILKS
+
+For Young Ladies, in Stripes and Checks, $1 per
+yard, recently sold at $1.50 and $1.75 per yard.
+
+HEAVY GROS GRAIN
+
+Black and white Silks,
+$1 per yard.
+
+STRIPED MONGOLINE SILKS,
+FOR COSTUMES, $1 per yard.
+
+100 Pieces "American" Black Silks,
+(Guaranteed for Durability,)
+$2 per yard.
+
+A COMPLETE ASSORTMENT OF
+
+TRIMMING SILKS AND SATINS.
+
+Cut Either Straight or Bias, for
+$1.25 per yard.
+
+A CHOICE AND SELECTED STOCK OF
+
+COLORED GROS GRAIN SILKS,
+
+At $2.50 and $2.75 per yard.
+
+CREPE DE CHINES, 56 inches wide,
+
+IN EVERY REQUISITE COLOR.
+
+BROADWAY,
+4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A. T. Stewart & CO.
+
+Are closing out their stock of
+FRENCH, ENGLISH, AND DOMESTIC
+
+CARPETS,
+
+(The greatest portion just received),
+
+OIL CLOTHS, RUGS, MATS, COCOA AND CANTON
+MATTINGS, &C.,
+
+At a Great REDUCTION IN PRICES,
+
+Notwithstanding the unexpected extraordinary
+rise in gold.
+
+_Customers and Strangers are Respectfully_
+
+INVITED TO EXAMINE.
+
+BROADWAY,
+4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A. T. STEWART & CO.
+
+Are Closing out all their Popular Stocks of
+
+SUMMER DRESS GOODS,
+
+AT PRICES LOWER THAN EVER.
+
+BROADWAY,
+4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS
+
+IN
+
+LADIES' PARIS AND DOMESTIC READY-MADE
+
+SUITS, ROBES, RECEPTION DRESSES, &C.
+
+Some less than half their cost.
+
+AND WE WILL DAILY OFFER NOVELTIES IN
+
+Plain and Braided Victoria Lawn, Linen
+and Pique Traveling Suits.
+
+CHILDREN'S BRAIDED LINEN AND
+
+PIQUE GARMENTS,
+
+SIZES FROM 2 YEARS TO 10 YEARS OF AGE,
+
+PANIER BEDOUIN MANTLES,
+
+IN CHOICE COLORS, From $3.50 to $7 each
+
+Richly Embroidered Cashmere and
+Cloth Breakfast Jackets,
+
+PARIS MADE.
+
+$8 each and upward.
+
+A. T. STEWART & CO.
+
+BROADWAY,
+4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PUNCHINELLO.
+
+The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly
+Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public
+in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper
+of the kind ever published in America.
+
+CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL.
+
+Subscription for one year, (with $200 premium,)               $400
+          "            "  six months, (without premium,)       200
+          "            "  three months,   "       "            100
+Single copies mailed free, for                                  10
+
+We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S CHROMOS
+for subscriptions as follows:
+
+A copy of paper for one year, and
+
+"The Awakening," (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chromo. Size 8 3-8 by
+11 1-8 ($2.00 picture,) for $4.00
+
+A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos:
+
+Wild Roses. 12-1/8 x 9.
+
+Dead Game. 11-1/8 x 8-5/8.
+
+Easter Morning 6-3/4 x 10-1/4 for $5.00
+
+A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos:
+
+Group of Chickens; Group of Ducklings; Group of Quails. Each 10 x 12-1/8.
+
+The Poultry Yard. 10-1/8 x 14.
+
+The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9-3/4 x 13.
+
+Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10 x 12 for $6.50
+
+A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 chromos:
+
+The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two Friends. (Dog and
+Child.) Each 13 x 16-1/4.
+
+Spring; Summer; Autumn; 12-7/8 x 16-1/8
+
+The Kid's Play Ground. 11 x 17-1/2 for $7.00
+
+A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos:
+
+Strawberries and Baskets.
+
+Cherries and Baskets.
+
+Currants. Each 13x18.
+
+Horses in a Storm. 22-1/4 x 15-1/4.
+
+Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9-1/8 x 4-1/2 for $8.00
+
+A copy of paper for one year and
+
+Six American Landscapes. (A set.) 4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00 for $9.00
+
+A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $10 chromos:
+
+Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) 18-1/8 x 12
+
+Easter Morning. 14 x 21.
+
+Corregio's Magdalen. 12-1/2 x 16-3/8.
+
+Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) 15-1/2 x 10-1/2,
+(companions, price $10.00 for the two), for $10.00.
+
+Remittances should be made in P.0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks
+on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the
+first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered.
+
+Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty
+cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS
+will be _mailed free_ on receipt of money.
+
+CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For
+special terms address the Company.
+
+The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the
+paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any
+one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage
+stamp.
+
+Address,
+
+PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,
+
+P.O. Box 2783.
+
+No. 83 Nassau Street, New York.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: OUR EFFICIENT APOTHECARIES.
+
+_Adult (and adulterating) Drug Clerk_. "GIT SOME EPSOM SALTS,
+JOHN--LITTLE GAL WANTS SOME FOR HER MOTHER."
+
+_Juvenile Assistant_. "SALTS IS ALL OUT."
+
+_Adult, etc_. "'WELL, THEN, GIT SOME OXALIC ACID: IT LOOKS ALL THE
+SAME."]
+
+            *          *          *          *          *
+
+"The Printing House of the United States."
+
+GEO. F. NESBITT & CO.,
+
+General JOB PRINTERS,
+
+BLANK BOOK Manufacturers,
+STATIONERS Wholesale and Retail,
+LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers,
+COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers,
+CARD Manufacturers,
+ENVELOPE Manufacturers,
+FINE CUT and COLOR Printers.
+
+163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST.,
+73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE ST., New-York.
+
+ADVANTAGES. --> All on the same premises, and under
+immediate supervision of the proprietors.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+TOURISTS AND PLEASURE TRAVELERS
+
+will be glad to learn that the Erie Railway Company
+has prepared
+
+COMBINATION EXCURSION
+
+OR
+
+ROUND TRIP TICKETS,
+
+Valid during the entire season, and embracing Ithaca--headwaters of
+Cayuga Lake--Niagara Falls, Lake Ontario, the River St. Lawrence,
+Montreal, Quebec, Lake Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White
+Mountains, and all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the
+Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced rates, through
+Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit the celebrated Iron Mountains
+and Copper Mines of that region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie
+Railway Co., Nos. 241, 529 and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 38
+Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 Fulton St.,
+Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and foot of 23rd St., New York;
+No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long Dock Depot, Jersey City, and the Agents at
+the principal hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire,
+as well as all the necessary information.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," "Water-Lilies,"
+"Chas. Dickens."
+
+PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the world.
+
+PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp.
+
+L. PRANG & CO., BOSTON.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PUNCHINELLO.
+
+With a large and varied experience in the management and publication of
+a paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the still more positive
+advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the undertaking, the
+
+PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.
+
+OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,
+
+Presents to the public for approval, the new
+
+ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL
+WEEKLY PAPER,
+
+PUNCHINELLO,
+
+The first number of which was issued under date of April 2.
+
+ORIGINAL ARTICLES,
+
+Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive
+ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the
+day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally.
+
+Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless
+postage stamps are inclosed.
+
+TERMS:
+
+One copy, per year, in advance                       $4 00
+Single copies                                           10
+A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the
+receipt of ten cents.
+One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other
+magazine or paper, price $2.50, for                   5 50
+One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for  7 00
+
+All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to
+
+PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,
+
+No. 83 Nassau Street,
+
+P.O. Box, 2783, New York.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.
+
+The New Burlesque Serial,
+
+Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO,
+
+BY
+
+ORPHEUS C. KERR,
+
+Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the year.
+
+A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom friend, with
+superb illustrations of
+
+1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, TICKNOR'S
+FIELDS, NEW JERSEY.
+
+2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken as he
+appears "Every Saturday," will also be found in the same number.
+
+
+_Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen, (or mailed from this office,
+free,) Ten Cents.
+
+Subscription for One Year, one copy, with $2 Chromo Premium, $4.
+
+
+Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new serial, which
+promises to be the best ever written by ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe
+now, to insure its regular receipt weekly.
+
+We will send the first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to any one who wishes
+to see them, in view of subscribing, on the receipt of SIXTY CENTS.
+
+Address,
+
+PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,
+
+P. O. Box 2783. 83 Nassau. St., New York.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Geo. W. Wheat, Printer, No. 8 Spruce Street.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1. No. 20, August
+13, 1870, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, AUGUST 13, 1870 ***
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