initial commit of ebook 9917HEADmain

1 files changed, 6105 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/9917.txt b/9917.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..bb2800a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/9917.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,6105 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Your Child: Today and Tomorrow, by
+Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Your Child: Today and Tomorrow
+
+Author: Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg
+
+Posting Date: November 3, 2011 [EBook #9917]
+Release Date: February, 2006
+First Posted: October 31, 2003
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK YOUR CHILD: TODAY AND TOMORROW ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Stan Goodman, Anne Folland, Tom Allen and the
+Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+YOUR CHILD
+
+TODAY AND TOMORROW
+
+
+
+
+YOUR CHILD
+
+TODAY AND TOMORROW
+
+
+SOME PROBLEMS FOR PARENTS CONCERNING
+
+  PUNISHMENT         REASONING
+  LIES               IDEALS AND AMBITIONS
+  FEAR               WORK AND PLAY
+  IMAGINATION        SOCIAL ACTIVITIES
+  OBEDIENCE          ADOLESCENCE
+  WILL               HEREDITY
+
+
+
+By
+
+SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG
+
+
+
+Second Revised Edition Enlarged
+
+WITH A FORWARD BY BISHOP JOHN H. VINCENT
+Chancellor of Chautauqua Institution
+
+WITH 12 ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+1912, 1913, 1920
+
+
+
+
+TO HER WHOSE DEVOTION AND UNTIRING EFFORT TOWARD AN INTELLIGENT
+UNDERSTANDING OF HER CHILDREN HAVE EVER BEEN AN INSPIRATION,
+
+MY MOTHER
+
+AND
+
+TO MY CHILDREN
+
+WHOSE CONTRIBUTION TOWARD MY EDUCATION HAS BEEN GREATER THAN THAT
+FROM ANY OTHER SOURCE, THIS LITTLE BOOK IS AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATED.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE TO SECOND EDITION
+
+
+In the sad years that have intervened since this book was published,
+we have all been impressed by the brilliant achievements of science
+in every department of practical life. But whereas the application
+of chemistry and electricity and biology might, perhaps, be safely
+left to the specialists, it seems to me that in a democracy it is
+essential for every single person to have a practical understanding
+of the workings of his own mind, and of his neighbor's. The
+understanding of human nature should not be left entirely in the
+hands of the specialists--it concerns all of us.
+
+There is no better way for beginning the study of human nature than
+by following the unfolding of a spirit as it takes place before us
+in the growth of a child. I am humbly grateful of the assurances
+received from many quarters that these chapters have aided many
+parents and teachers in such study.
+
+In the present edition I have made a number of slight changes to
+harmonize the reading with the results of later scientific studies;
+there is a new list of references and some new material in the
+chapter on sex education; and there is a new chapter suggesting the
+connection between the new psychology and the democratic ideals of
+human relations.
+
+SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG.
+
+March, 1920.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE
+
+
+In my efforts to learn something about the nature of the child, as a
+member of child-study groups, and in my own studies, I have found a
+large mass of material--accumulated by investigators into the
+psychology and the biology of childhood--which could be of great
+practical use to all concerned with the bringing up of children. In
+this little book I have tried to present some of this material in a
+form that will make it available for those who lack the time, or the
+special training or the opportunity to work it out for themselves.
+It has been my chief aim to show that a proper understanding of and
+sympathy with the various stages through which the child normally
+passes will do much toward making not only the child happier, but
+the task of the parents pleasanter. I am convinced that our failure
+to understand the workings of the child's mind is responsible for
+much of the friction between parents and children. We cannot expect
+the children, with their limited experience and their undeveloped
+intellect, to understand us; if we are to have harmony, intimacy and
+cooperation, these must come through the parents' successful efforts
+at understanding the children.
+
+In speaking of the child always in the masculine, I have followed
+the custom of the specialists. It is of course to be understood that
+"he" sometimes means "she" and usually "he or she."
+
+It has been impossible to refer at every point to the source of the
+material used. One unconsciously absorbs many ideas which one is
+unable later to trace to their sources; in addition to this, the
+material I have here presented has been worked over so that it is
+impossible in most cases to ascribe a particular idea to a
+particular person. I wish, however, to acknowledge my indebtedness
+to all who have patiently labored in this field, and especially to
+those Masters of Child Study, G. Stanley Hall, John Dewey, Earl
+Barnes, Edwin A. Kirkpatrick and Edward L. Thorndike. I owe much to
+my opportunity to work in the Federation for Child Study. These
+groups of mothers and teachers have done a great deal, under the
+guidance and inspiration of Professor Felix Adler, to develop a
+spirit of co-operation in the attack upon the practical problems of
+child-training in the home.
+
+I am very grateful to Mrs. Hilda M. Schwartz, of Minneapolis, for
+her assistance in revising the manuscript and in securing the
+illustrations.
+
+The assistance of my husband has been invaluable. In his suggestions
+and criticisms he has given me the benefit of his experience as
+biologist and educator.
+
+SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG.
+
+New York May, 1913.
+
+
+
+
+A FOREWORD
+
+
+In the thought of the writer of this prefatory page, the book he
+thus introduces is an exceptionally sane, practical and valuable
+treatment of the problem of problems suggested by our present
+American Civilization, namely: The Training of the On-coming
+Generation--the new Americans--who are to realize the dreams of our
+ancestors concerning personal freedom and development in the social,
+political, commercial and religious life of the Republic.
+
+There is always hope for the adult who takes any real interest in
+self-improvement. One is never too old to "turn over a new leaf" and
+to begin a new record. A full-grown man may become a "promising
+child" in the kingdom of grace. He may dream dreams and see visions.
+He may resolve, and his experience of forty or more years in
+"practising decision" and in persisting despite counter inclinations
+may only increase his chances for mastering a problem, overcoming a
+difficulty and developing enthusiasm. A page of History or of
+Ethics, a poet's vision or a philosopher's reasoning, will find a
+response in his personality impossible to a juvenile. His knowledge
+of real life, of persons he has met, of theories he has often
+pondered, of difficulties he has encountered and canvassed, the
+conversations and discussions in which he has taken part--all give
+new value to the pages he is now turning, and while he may not as
+easily as formerly memorize the language, he at once grasps,
+appreciates and appropriates the thoughts there expressed.
+
+With these advantages as a thinker, a reader, a man of affairs, a
+father interested in his or children and in their education, what a
+blessing to him and to his family comes through the reading of an
+interesting, suggestive and stimulating book on child training such
+as this practical volume by Mrs. Gruenberg. In fact, the book
+becomes a sort of a Normal Class in itself. It is attractive,
+ingenious, illustrative and stimulating--an example of the true
+teaching spirit and method.
+
+This volume has in it much that a preacher and pastor would do well
+to read. And a _very_ wise pastor will be inclined to bring
+together Mothers and Sunday-School Teachers and read to them certain
+paragraphs until they are induced to put a copy of the volume in
+their own library and thus become, in a sense, members of a strong
+and most helpful "Normal Class."
+
+One thing every Sunday-School Teacher and every Parent should
+remember is that all attempts to experiment in the instruction of
+children are so many steps towards "Normal Work," in which are
+included the use of "illustrations," the framing of "questions," the
+devices to "get attention," and the effort to induce children to
+"think for themselves" and freely to express their thoughts,
+reasonings, doubts, difficulties and personal independent opinions.
+All these efforts not only develop power in the child, but they
+react upon the teacher and ensure for the "next meeting of the
+class" some "new suggestion," some additional question, some fresh
+view of the whole subject by which both teacher and pupils will be
+stimulated and instructed.
+
+In our intercourse with children let us aim to develop the
+_teaching_ motive, and we shall not only make the work of the
+"class room" profitable to the pupils, but each of us will find new
+delight, new inspiration and an unanticipated degree of success in
+this beautiful and divine ministry.
+
+JOHN H. VINCENT.
+
+CHICAGO AND CHAUTAUQUA,
+
+May 7, 1913.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+CHAPTER
+
+I. YOU AND YOUR CHILD
+
+II. THE PROBLEM OF PUNISHMENT
+
+III. WHEN YOUR CHILD IMAGINES THINGS
+
+IV. THE LIES CHILDREN TELL
+
+V. BEING AFRAID
+
+VI. THE FIRST GREAT LAW
+
+VII. THE TRAINING OF THE WILL
+
+VIII. HOW CHILDREN REASON
+
+IX. WORK AND PLAY
+
+X. CHILDREN'S GANGS, CLUBS, AND FRIENDSHIPS
+
+XI. CHILDREN'S IDEALS AND AMBITIONS
+
+XII. THE STORK OR THE TRUTH
+
+XIII. THE GOLDEN AGE OF TRANSITION
+
+XIV. HEREDITY AND ENVIRONMENT
+
+XV. FREEDOM AND DISCIPLINE
+
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+
+THE CREATIVE IMPULSE IS BORN WITH EVERY NORMAL CHILD
+
+THE IMPULSE TO ACTION EARLY LEADS TO DOING
+
+IMAGINATION SUPPLIES THIS TWO-YEAR-OLD A PRANCING STEED
+
+NEITHER ARE GIRLS AFRAID TO CLIMB
+
+ONLY A GOOD REASON CAN WARRANT CALLING AN ABSORBED CHILD FROM HIS
+OCCUPATION
+
+HABITS OF CAREFUL WORK FURNISH A GOOD FOUNDATION FOR THE WILL
+
+WORK IS PLAY
+
+LET THEM ROMP IN THE WINTER AS WELL AS IN SUMMER
+
+IN THEIR GAMES THEY SHOULD LEARN TO LOSE AS WELL AS TO WIN
+
+DON'T FORGET HOW TO PLAY WITH THE CHILDREN
+
+THE BOYS NEED A CHANCE TO GET TOGETHER
+
+IN THE COUNTRY CHILDREN BECOME ACQUAINTED WITH THE FACTS OF LIFE
+
+
+
+
+YOUR CHILD TODAY AND TOMORROW
+
+
+
+
+I.
+
+YOU AND YOUR CHILD
+
+
+Housekeeping, in the sense of administering the work of the
+household, has been raised almost to a science. The same is true of
+the feeding of children. But the training of children still lags
+behind, so far as most of us are concerned, in the stage occupied by
+housekeeping and farming a generation or two ago. There has, indeed,
+been developed a considerable mass of exact knowledge about the
+nature of the child, and about the laws of his development; but this
+knowledge has been for most parents a closed book. It is not what
+the scientists know, but what the people apply, that marks our
+progress.
+
+"Child-study" has been considered something with which young
+normal-school students have to struggle before they begin their
+_real_ struggle with bad boys. But mothers have been expected to know,
+through some divine instinct, just how to handle their own children,
+without any special study or preparation. That the divine instinct has
+not taught them properly to feed the young infant and the growing
+child we have learned but slowly and at great cost in human life and
+suffering; but we _have_ learned it. Our next lesson should be to
+realize that our instincts cannot be relied upon when it comes to
+understanding the child's mind, the meaning of his various activities,
+and how best to guide his mental and moral development.
+
+Mistakes that parents--and teachers--make in dealing with the
+child's mind are not often fatal. Nor can you always trace the evil
+effects of such mistakes in the later character of the child. But
+there can be no doubt that many of the heartbreaks, misunderstandings,
+and estrangements between parents and children are due to mistakes
+that could have been avoided by a knowledge of the nature of the
+child's mind.
+
+There are, fortunately, many parents who arrive at an understanding
+of the nature of the child through sympathetic insight, through
+quick observation, through the application of sound sense and the
+results of experience to the problems that arise. It is not
+necessary that all of us approach the child in the attitude of the
+professional scientist; indeed, it is neither possible for us to do
+so, nor is it desirable that we should. But it is both possible and
+desirable that we make use of the experience and observations of
+others, that we apply the results of scientific experiments, that we
+reenforce our instincts with all available helps. We need not fall
+into the all-too-common error of placing common-sense and practical
+insight in opposition to the method of the scientists. Everyone in
+this country appreciates the wonderful and valuable services of
+Luther Burbank, and no one doubts that if his method could be
+extended the whole nation would benefit in an economic way. Yet
+Burbank has been unable to teach the rest of us how to apply his
+shrewd "common-sense" and his keen intuition to the improvement of
+useful and ornamental plants. It was necessary for scientists to
+study what he had done in order to make available for the whole
+world those principles that make his practice really productive of
+desirable results. In the same way it is well for every parent and
+every teacher--everyone who has to do with children--to supplement
+good sense and observation with the results of scientific study.
+
+On the other hand, there is no universal formula for the bringing up
+of children, one that can be applied to all children everywhere and
+always, any more than there is a universal formula for fertilizing
+soil or curing disease or feeding babies. Yet there are certain
+general laws of child development and certain general principles of
+child training which have been derived from scientific studies of
+children, and which agree with the best thought and experience of
+those who learned to know their children without the help of
+science. These general laws and principles may be profitably learned
+and used in bringing up the rising generation.
+
+Too many people, and especially too many parents, think of the child
+as merely a small man or woman. This is far from a true conception
+of the child. Just as the physical organs of the child work in a
+manner different from what we find in the adult, so the mind of the
+child works along in a way peculiar to its stage of development. If
+a physician should use the same formulas for treating children's
+ailments as he uses with adults, simply reducing the size of the
+dose, we should consider his methods rather crude. If a parent
+should feed an infant the same materials that she supplied to the
+rest of the family, only in smaller quantities, we should consider
+her too ignorant to be entrusted with the care of the child. And for
+similar reasons we must learn that the behavior of the child must be
+judged according to standards different from those we apply to an
+adult. The same act represents different motives in a child and in
+an adult--or in the same child at different ages.
+
+Moreover, each child is different from every other child in the
+whole world. The law has recognized that a given act committed by
+two different persons may really be two entirely different acts,
+from a moral point of view. How much more important is it for the
+parent or the teacher to recognize that each child must be treated
+in accordance with his own nature!
+
+It is the duty of every mother to know the nature of _her_
+child, in order that she may assist in the development of all of his
+possibilities. Child Study is a new science, but old enough to give
+us great help through what the experts have found out about "child
+nature." But the experts do not know _your child;_ they have
+studied the problems of childhood, and their results you can use in
+learning to know your child. Your problem is always an individual
+problem; the problem of the scientist is a general one. From the
+general results, however, you may get suggestions for the solution
+of your individual problem.
+
+We all know the mother who complains that her boys did not turn out
+just the way she wanted them to--although they are very good boys.
+After they have grown up she suddenly realizes one day how far they
+are from her in spirit. She could have avoided the disillusion by
+recognizing early enough that the interests and instincts of her
+boys were healthy ones, notwithstanding they were so different from
+her own. She would have been more to the boys, and they more to her,
+if, instead of wasting her energy in trying to make them "like
+herself," she had tried to develop their tastes and inclinations to
+their full possibilities.
+
+How much happier is the home in which the mother understands the
+children, and knows how to treat each according to his disposition,
+instead of treating all by some arbitrary rule! As a mother of three
+children said one day, "With Mary, just a hint of what I wish is
+sufficient to secure results. With John, I have to give a definite
+order and insist that he obey. With Robert I get the best results by
+explaining and appealing to his reason." How much trouble she saves
+herself--and the children--by having found this much out!
+
+A mother who knows that what we commonly call the "spirit of
+destruction" in a child is the same as the _constructive
+impulse_ will not be so much grieved when her baby takes the
+alarm clock apart as the mother who looks upon this deed as an
+indication of depravity or wickedness.
+
+[Illustration: The impulse to action early leads to "doing."]
+
+Some of the directions in which the parents may profit from what the
+specialists have worked out may be suggested. There is the question
+of punishment, for example. How many of us have thought out a
+satisfactory philosophy of punishment? In our personal relations
+with our children we all too frequently cling to the theory of
+punishment that justifies us in "paying back" for the trouble we
+have been caused--if, indeed, we do any more than vent our temper at
+the annoyance. It is not viciousness on our part; it is merely
+ignorance. But the time is rapidly approaching when there will be no
+excuse for ignorance, even if it is not yet time to say that
+preventable ignorance is vicious.
+
+How many mothers, for example, realize that the desire on the part
+of the child to touch, to do--to get into mischief--is a fundamental
+characteristic of childhood, and not an indication of perversity in
+her particular Johnny or Mary? How many know that these instincts
+are the most useful and the most usable traits that the child has;
+that the checking of these impulses may mean the destruction of
+individual qualities of great importance in the formation of
+character? How many know how wisely to direct these instincts
+without thwarting them?
+
+How many mothers--good housewives--know anything at all about the
+imagination, that crowning glory of the human mind? They admire the
+poet's flights of fancy; but when, on being asked where his brother
+is, Harry says, "He went off in a great, great, big airship," they
+feel the call of duty to punish him for his _lies_!
+
+Many of us have realized in a helpless sort of way that there is
+need for expert knowledge in these matters, and have comfortably
+shifted the responsibility to the teacher. Parents are often heard
+to say, when a troublesome youngster is under discussion, "Just wait
+until he begins to go to school." It is not wise to wait. There is
+much to be done before the school can be thought of, or even before
+the kindergarten age is reached. Indeed, a child is never too young
+to profit from the application of thought and knowledge to his
+treatment.
+
+Of course, the training value of the school's work is not to be
+underestimated. The social intercourse that the child experiences
+there, the regularity of hours, the teacher's personality, all have
+their favorable influence in the molding of the child's character.
+But neither must we overestimate the powers of the school. The
+school has the child but a few hours a day, for barely more than
+half the year; the classes are unconscionably large. We all hope
+that the classes will be made smaller, but they never can be small
+enough, within our own times, for the purpose of really effective
+moral training. The relations between teacher and pupil can never be
+as intimate as are those of parent and child. The teacher knows the
+child, as a rule, only as a member of a group and under special
+circumstances; the parents alone have the opportunity to know
+closely the individual peculiarities of the child; they alone can
+know him in health and in sickness, in joy and in sorrow, in his
+strength and in his weakness. The parents can watch their child from
+day to day, year after year; whereas the teacher sees the child for
+a comparatively short period of his development, and then passes him
+on to another.
+
+The time was--and for most of our children still is--when the
+teacher had to know nothing but her "subjects"; the nature of the
+child was to her as great a mystery as it is to the ordinary person
+who never learned anything about it. She was supposed to deal with
+the "average" child that does not exist, and to attempt the futile
+task of drawing the laggard up to this arbitrary average and of
+holding the genius down to it. The effort is being made to have the
+teacher recognize the individuality of each child; but the mother is
+still expected to confine her ministrations to his individual
+digestion.
+
+In a dozen different ways the effective methods in the treatment of
+children, at home or in school, in the church or on the playground,
+depend upon knowledge and understanding, as is the case in all
+practical activities. Instincts alone are never sufficient to tell
+us what to do, notwithstanding the fact that so much really valuable
+work has been achieved in the past without any special training.
+
+It may be true that in the past the instincts of the child adapted
+him to the needs of life. It may also be true that the instincts of
+adults adapted them in the past to their proper treatment of
+children. We should realize, however, that the conditions of modern
+life are so complex that few of us know just what to do under given
+conditions unless we have made a special effort to find out. And
+this is just as true of the treatment of children as it is of the
+care of the health, or of the building of bridges. It is for this
+reason that the results of child study are important to all who have
+to do with children--whether as teachers or as parents, whether as
+club leaders or as directors of institutions, whether as social
+workers or as loving uncles and aunts.
+
+It is impossible to guarantee to anyone that a study of child nature
+will enable him or her to train children into models of good
+behavior. Knowledge alone does not always produce the desired
+results; nevertheless, an understanding of the child should enable
+those who have to deal with him to assume an attitude that will
+reduce in a great measure their annoyance at the various awkward and
+inconsiderate and mischievous acts of the youngsters. Such a study
+should make possible a closer intimacy with the child. And, finally,
+it should make possible a longer continuance of that intimacy with
+the child, which is so helpful for those in authority as well as for
+the child himself.
+
+
+
+
+II.
+
+THE PROBLEM OF PUNISHMENT
+
+
+Picture to yourself a dark hallway. Behind the door stands an
+indignant mother with a strap in her hand. It is past the dinner
+hour and William has not yet returned. But here he is now. He comes
+bounding up the steps, radiantly happy, and under each arm a
+pumpkin. He bursts into the house. His mother seizes him by the
+shoulder and proceeds to apply the strap where she thinks it will do
+the most good. The little boy is William J. Stillman, and the story
+is told in his autobiography. He tells how just an hour before
+dinner a neighboring farmer had asked him to go to his field to
+shake down the fruit from two apple trees. William was so glad to do
+something for which he would receive pay that he allowed the work to
+trench upon his dinner-time. The two large pumpkins he brought were
+his pay, and he knew that they meant a great deal to his needy
+family. Stillman, in writing of the incident, continues: "It is more
+than sixty years since that punishment fell on my shoulders, but the
+astonishment with which I received the flogging, instead of the
+thanks which I anticipated for the wages I was bringing her, the
+haste with which any mother administered it lest my father should
+anticipate her and beat me after his own fashion, are as vivid in my
+recollection as if it had taken place yesterday."
+
+While I hope that not many of us are guilty of such flagrant abuse
+of our power as is described above, still I am certain that on many
+occasions we punish just as hastily, without giving a chance for
+explanation and with as little thought as to whether "the punishment
+fits the crime."
+
+I have often been impressed by the great interest that mothers take
+in uses of punishment and in kinds of punishment. It has sometimes
+seemed as if the most valuable thing which they could carry away
+with them from some child-study meeting was a new kind of punishment
+for some very common offence. I have frequently felt as if the only
+contact some mothers have with their children is to punish them, and
+that punishment constituted the chief part of the poor children's
+training.
+
+Now, punishment undoubtedly has a place in the training of children,
+but only a _negative_ place. The proper punishment, administered in
+the right spirit, may cure or correct a fault; _but punishment does
+not make children good_. If children are punished frequently, it may
+even make them _bad_.
+
+We can all remember some of the punishments of our own childhood.
+How unjust they seemed then, and do even now, after all these years
+to heal the wounds! How outraged we felt! Into how unloving a mood
+they put us!
+
+The history of punishment for criminals shows us three stages. With
+primitive peoples and in early times the first impulse is to "get
+even" or to "strike back." "An eye for an eye"--nothing less would
+do. Then comes a stage in which punishment is used to frighten
+people from wrong-doing and as a warning--a deterrent for others.
+Gradually, very, very slowly, as we become more civilized and
+develop moral insight--develop a love for humanity--we come to
+recognize that the only legitimate purpose of punishment in the
+treatment of offenders is to redeem their characters, to make them
+_positively_ better, not merely frighten them into a state of
+apparent right-doing--that is, a state of avoiding wrong-doing.
+
+It is said that each individual in his development lives over the
+experiences of the race. How each of us passes through the three
+attitudes toward punishment is very interestingly shown by a study
+that was made some years ago on 3000 school children, to find out
+their own ideas about punishment. Miss Margaret E. Schallenberger
+sent out the following story and query and had the answers
+tabulated:
+
+Jennie had a beautiful new box of paints; and in the afternoon,
+while her mother was gone, she painted all the chairs in the parlor,
+so as to make them look nice for her mother. When the mother came
+home, Jennie ran to meet her and said: "Oh, mamma, come and see how
+pretty I have made the parlor." But her mamma took her paints away
+and sent her to bed. If you had been her mother, what would you have
+done or said to Jennie?
+
+In the answers the most striking thing is the range of reasons given
+by the children for punishing Jennie. There are three prominent
+reasons.
+
+The first is clearly for revenge. Jennie was a bad girl; she made
+her mother unhappy; she must be made unhappy. She made her mother
+angry; she must be made angry. A boy of ten says: "I would have sent
+Jennie to bed and not given her any supper, and then she would get
+mad and cry." One boy of nine says: "If I had been that woman I
+would have half killed her." A sweet (?) little girl would make her
+"paint things until she is got enough of it." Another girl: "If I
+had been Jennie's mother, I would of painted Jennie's face and hands
+and toes. I would of switched her well. I would of washed her mouth
+out with soap and water, and I should stand her on the floor for
+half an hour."
+
+This view was taken mostly by the younger children.
+
+The second reason for punishing is to prevent a repetition of the
+act. A thirteen year old girl says: "I would take the paints away
+and not let her have them until she learned not to do that again."
+When a threat is used it is with the same idea in view: "I wouldn't
+do anything just then, but I would have said: 'If you do that any
+more I would whip you and send you to bed besides!'" All trace of
+revenge has disappeared.
+
+The third stage of punishment is higher still. Jennie is punished in
+order to reform her. In the previous examples the _act_ was
+all-important. Now Jennie and her moral condition come into the
+foreground. None of the younger children take the trouble to explain
+to Jennie why it was wrong to paint the parlor chairs. A large
+percentage of the older ones do so explain.
+
+A country boy of fourteen says: "I would have took her with me into
+the parlor, and I would have talked to her about the injury she had
+done to the chairs, and talked kindly to her, and explained to her
+that the paints were not what was put on chairs to make them look
+nice."
+
+A girl of sixteen says: "I think that the mother was very unwise to
+lose her temper over something which the child had done to please
+her. I think it would have been far wiser in her to have kissed the
+little one, and then explained to her how much mischief she had done
+in trying to please her mother."
+
+We can see from this study that the children themselves are capable
+of reaching a rather lofty attitude toward wrong-doing and punishment,
+yet these children when grown up--that is, we ourselves--so frequently
+return to a more primitive way of looking at these problems. In
+punishing our children we go back to the method of the five- and
+six-year-old.
+
+What is the reason for our apparent back-sliding? Is it not plainly
+the fact that we allow ourselves to be mastered by the animal
+instinct to strike back? When the child does something that causes
+annoyance or even damage, do we stop to consider his motive, his
+"intent," or do we only respond to the _result_ of his action?
+Do we have a studied policy for treating his offence, or do we slide
+back to the desire to "get even" or to "pay him" for what he has
+done?
+
+Sometimes a very small offence will have grave consequences, while a
+really serious fault may cause but little trouble.
+
+Here, for instance, is Harry, who was so intent upon chasing the
+woodchuck that he ran through the new-sown field, trampling down the
+earth. He caused considerable damage. If your punishment assumes the
+proportion dictated by the anger which the harm caused, he certainly
+will be dealt with severely. Knowing that he had not meant to do
+wrong, he cannot help but feel the injustice of your wrath. Of
+course, he has been careless and he must be impressed with the harm
+such carelessness can cause. Whether you lock him in a room or
+deprive him of some special pleasure, or whether you merely talk to
+him, depends upon you and upon Harry. But one thing must be certain:
+Harry must not get the notion that you are avenging yourself upon
+him for the harm he has done, or for the ill-feeling aroused by his
+act--he must not feel that "you are taking it out of him" because
+you have been made angry.
+
+This brings us to the old rule: _Never punish in anger_.
+
+On the other hand, while we must allow every trace of anger to
+disappear, we must not allow so much time to elapse as to make the
+child lose the connection between his act and the consequence. A
+little boy at breakfast threw some salt upon his sister's apple in a
+spirit of mischief. The mother sent him out of the room and told him
+that he would have to go to bed two hours earlier than usual that
+night as a punishment for his misdeed. Now we all know that "the
+days of youth are long, long days," and the many events of that day
+had completely crowded out of the little boy's mind the trivial,
+impulsive act of the morning. The punishment could not arouse in him
+any feeling but that of unjust privation.
+
+This particular case illustrates three other problems in connection
+with punishment. In the first place, nothing that is considered
+desirable or beneficial should be brought into disfavor by being
+used as a punishment. Sleep is a blessing, and, it may be said in
+general, no healthy child gets too much of it. By imposing two hours
+of additional sleep upon the child the mother discredits sleeping.
+It isn't logical. It is as unreasonable as that once favorite
+punishment of teachers, now rapidly being discarded, of keeping
+children after school. On the one side they are told how grateful
+they should be for this great boon of education, and for being
+allowed to come to school, and then they are told: "You have been
+very bad and troublesome to-day; as a punishment you shall have an
+extra hour of this great privilege."
+
+The second point is that no punishment should ever deprive a child
+of conditions that are necessary for his health or impose conditions
+that are harmful. And, finally, it is not wise to exaggerate the
+importance of trivial acts by treating them too seriously. The
+little boy tried to be "smart" when he threw that salt. With nearly
+every child it would be sufficient, in a case like this, to make him
+feel that it was really very silly and that he had made himself
+ridiculous in the eyes of the family.
+
+Very often the seriousness of a child's offence is greatly
+exaggerated. We must not waste our ammunition on these small
+matters; if we use our strongest terms of disapproval for the many
+little everyday vexations, we shall be left quite without resource
+when something really serious does occur. Children are very
+sensitive to such exaggerations, and their attention is so much
+taken up with the injustice of making a big ado about such trifles
+that they overlook what is reprehensible in their own conduct.
+
+Some of the greatest authorities believe that a child should be
+allowed to suffer the consequences of his deeds. We should borrow
+from nature, they say, her method of dealing with offenders. If a
+child touches fire he will be burnt, and each time the same effect
+will follow his deed. Why not let our punishments be as certain and
+uniform in their reaction? To a certain extent this plan can be
+followed. If a little girl stubbornly refuses to wear her mittens,
+it is all right to let her suffer the consequences, the natural
+consequences--and let her hands get quite cold.
+
+But this principle cannot be consistently applied as a general
+method. If a child insists upon leaning far out of the window it
+would be foolish to let him suffer the consequences and fall,
+possibly to his death. Part of our function is to prevent our
+children from suffering all the possible consequences of their
+actions. We are here to guide them and to protect them.
+
+To abandon the child to the natural consequences of his moral
+actions would be even more harmful, for very often we must separate
+the child from his fault. This is true in a double sense. In the
+first place, we are concerned chiefly in removing the child's
+faults, as a physician seeks to separate a patient from his
+sickness. But we must also avoid the error of identifying any fault
+with the fundamental nature of the child; that is, we must keep
+before us the character of the child as distinct from the wrong acts
+which the child may commit. If a child lies, that does not make of
+him a liar, any more than does his failure to understand what he has
+just been told make of him a blockhead. Yet the natural consequence
+of lying, for instance, is to be mistrusted in the future--to be
+branded a liar. This, however, is one of the worst things that can
+happen to a child, and one of the surest ways of making him a
+habitual liar. Many children pass through a stage in which they
+naturally come to have the feeling which is expressed in the saying:
+"If I have the name, I may as well have the game." We must show the
+child that we have unbounded confidence in him, otherwise he will
+lose faith in himself.
+
+It is clear, then, that the "natural" method will not work in such
+cases, for the impulse to condemn the child after he has committed a
+wrong deed, instead of condemning the _deed_, may merely help
+to fix upon him the habit of committing similar deeds in the future.
+
+In Nature, too, the same punishment invariably follows the same
+offence. If we try to imitate that method, the child soon learns
+what he has to reckon with. If the child knows that a certain action
+will produce a certain result, he often thinks it is worth the
+price. Then the child feels that he has had his way, and, having
+paid the price, the account is squared; so he feels justified in
+doing the same thing again. In following this course we defeat our
+own ends, as this kind of punishment does _not_ act as a fine
+moral deterrent.
+
+Scolding as a punishment is also not efficacious. We are justified
+in having our indignation aroused at times and in letting the
+offender feel our displeasure. There is something calm and
+impressive about genuine indignation, while scolding is apt to
+become nagging and to arouse contempt in the child.
+
+When we consider the many difficulties of finding a punishment
+exactly fitted to the offence in a way that will make the offender
+avoid repetition, we are tempted to resort to sermonizing and
+reasoning, for through our words we hope at times to establish in
+the child's mind a direct relation between his conduct and the
+undesirable consequences that spring from it.
+
+In doing this, however, we should not speak in generalities, but
+bring before the child's mind concrete examples of his own
+objectionable acts from recent experience. It is useless to tell
+John how important it is to be punctual and let it go at that; it is
+not enough even to tell him that he often fails to be on time. If
+you can remind him that he was late for dinner on Wednesday, missed
+the letter-carrier twice last month, and delayed attending to an
+errand Monday until all the shops were closed, you have him where he
+can understand your point. Mary will listen respectfully enough to a
+homily on being considerate, but it will have little effect upon her
+compared to bringing before her a picture of some of her actions:
+how, instead of coming right home from school the day you were not
+feeling well, and helping you with some of your tasks, she had gone
+to visit a friend just that afternoon.
+
+But reasoning with a child often fails to accomplish its purpose,
+because the child's reasoning is so different from that of an adult.
+Unless there is a nearly perfect understanding of the workings of
+the child's mind, reasoning is frequently futile. A seven-year-old
+boy who had received a long lecture on the impropriety of keeping
+dead crabs in his pockets said, after it was all over: "Well, they
+were alive when I put them in. You are wasting a lot of my precious
+time." These little brains have a way of working out combinations
+that seem weird to us grown-ups.
+
+Only with a child of a certain type and a parent able to understand
+the workings of his mind may the method of reasoning work
+satisfactorily in correcting faults and establishing good habits and
+ideals.
+
+No discussion of this subject would be complete without a word on
+corporal punishment. It is impossible here to present all the
+arguments for or against it. I am sure, however, that the most
+enthusiastic advocates of it will admit that it is not always
+practised with discretion and that it is in most cases not only
+unnecessary but positively harmful. Children that are treated like
+animals will behave like animals; violence and brutality do not
+bring out the best in a child's nature. It would seem that
+intelligent parents do not need to resort to such methods in the
+training of normal children.
+
+As suggested by our veteran novelist, William Dean Howells, we have
+clung to the wisdom of Solomon, in this respect, through centuries
+of changing conditions. Solomon said: "Spare the rod and spoil the
+child"; Mr. Howells suggests that we might with profit spoil the rod
+and spare the child. In the small families of to-day there is no
+need to cling to the methods that may have worked well enough with
+the Oriental, polygamous despot, who never could know all his
+children individually, and it is therefore hardly necessary to use
+Solomon as our authority.
+
+It is plain, then, that it is impossible to recommend any punishment
+as _the correct one_, or even to recommend any one infallible
+rule. This must depend upon the parent, upon the child, and upon the
+circumstances. But there are certain definite principles which we
+must keep in mind and which will do much toward making our task of
+discipline more rational:
+
+We must never punish in anger.
+
+We must consider the _motive_ and the _temptations_ before
+the _consequence_ of the deed.
+
+We must condemn the _deed_ and not the child.
+
+We must be sure that the child understands exactly the offence with
+which he is charged.
+
+We must be sure that he sees the _relation_ of the
+_offence_ to the _punishment_.
+
+We must never administer any _excessive_ or unusual punishment.
+
+We must not _exaggerate_ the magnitude of the offence.
+
+If we keep these principles in mind we may not always be right, but
+we shall certainly be right more often than if we had no policy or
+definite ideas. But, above all, we must recognize that punishment is
+only a corrective, and that it is our duty to build up the positive
+virtues. Let us expend our energy in the effort to establish good
+habits and ideals, and the child will shed many of the faults which
+now occupy the centre of our interest and attention.
+
+In a family where the proper spirit of intimacy and mutual
+understanding and forbearance reigns punishment will be relegated to
+its proper place--namely, the medicine closet--and not be used as
+daily bread. For punishment is a medicine--a corrective--and when we
+administer it we must do in the spirit of the physician. We do not
+wish to be quacks and have one patent remedy to cure all evils; but,
+like physicians worthy of their trust, we must study the ailment and
+its causes, and above all must we study the patient. The same remedy
+will not do for all constitutions. Therefore the punishment must not
+only fit the crime, but it must also be made to fit the "criminal."
+
+Love and patience are the secret of child management. Love which can
+fare from the chilliest soul; patience which knows how to wait for
+the harvest.
+
+
+
+
+III.
+
+WHEN YOUR CHILD IMAGINES THINGS
+
+
+Johnny was playing in the room while his mother was sewing at the
+window. Johnny looked out of the window and exclaimed, "Oh, mother,
+see that great big lion!"
+
+His mother looked, but saw only a medium-sized dog.
+
+"Why, Johnny," replied the mother, "how can you say such a thing?
+You know very well that was only a dog. Now go right in the corner
+and pray to God to forgive you for telling such a lie!"
+
+Johnny went. When he came back, he said triumphantly, "See, mother,
+God said He thought it was a lion Himself."
+
+This poor mother is a typical example of a large class of mothers
+who fail to understand their children because they have no idea of
+what goes on in the child's mind. To Johnny the lion was just as
+_real_ as the dog was to the mother. And even if the dog had
+not been there for the mother to see, Johnny could have seen just as
+real a lion.
+
+Every mother ought to know that practically every healthy child has
+imagination. You will have to take a long day's journey to find a
+child that has no imagination to begin with--and then you will find
+that this child is wonderfully uninteresting, or actually stupid.
+
+You can easily observe for yourself that as soon as a child knows a
+large number of objects and persons and names he will begin to
+rearrange his bits of knowledge into new combinations, and in this
+way make a little world of his own. In this world, beasts and
+furniture and flowers talk and have adventures. When the dew is on
+the grass, "the grass is crying." Butterflies are "flying pansies."
+Lightning is the "sky winking," and so on. This activity of the
+child's mind begins at about two years, and reaches its height
+between the ages of four and six. But it continues through life with
+greater or less intensity, according to circumstances and original
+disposition.
+
+It is not only the poet and artist who need imagination, but all of
+us in our everyday concerns. Do you realize that the person to whom
+you like so much to talk about your affairs, because she is so
+sympathetic, _is sympathetic_ because she has imagination? For
+without imagination we cannot "put ourselves in the place of
+another," and much of the misery in the relation between human
+beings exists because so many of us are unable to do this. The happy
+cannot realize the needs of the miserable, and the miserable cannot
+understand why anyone should be happy--if they lack imagination.
+
+The need for imagination, far from being confined to dreamers and
+persons who dwell in the clouds, is of great _practical_
+importance in the development of mind and character. Imagination is
+a direct help in learning, and in developing sympathy. As one of our
+great moral leaders, Felix Adler, has said, much of the selfishness
+of the world is due, not to actual hard-heartedness, but to lack of
+imaginative power.
+
+We all know the classic example of Queen Marie Antoinette, who, when
+told that the people were rioting for want of bread, exclaimed,
+"Why, let them eat cake instead!" Brought up in luxury, she could
+not realize what absolute want means. She had no imagination.
+
+The world has progressed, but we still have among us the same type
+of unfortunate persons who are unable to put themselves in the place
+of others. I recently heard of a woman who, on being told of a
+family so poor that they had had nothing but cold potatoes for
+supper the night before, replied:
+
+"They may be poor, but the mother must be a very bad housekeeper,
+anyway. For, even if they had nothing but potatoes to eat, she might
+at least have fried them."
+
+Like her royal prototype, this modern woman had not the imagination
+to realize that a family could be so poor as to be in want of fuel.
+
+But being able to put yourself in the place of another is of
+importance not only from the strictly moral point of view. You can
+easily see how it will affect one's everyday relations, how it will
+be of great help in avoiding misunderstandings of all kinds--as
+between mother and child, between mistress and maid, etc.
+
+If parents would only realize this importance of imagination, and
+not look upon it as a "vain thing," they would not merely
+_allow_ the child's imagination to take its own course; they
+would actually make efforts to cultivate and encourage it. In this
+way they would not only aid the child in becoming a better and more
+sympathetic man or woman, but would also add much to the happiness
+of the child.
+
+Unless we have given special thought to this matter, most of us
+grown-ups do not appreciate how very real the child's world of
+make-believe is to him, and how essential to his happiness that we do
+not break into it rudely. When one of my boys was two and a half years
+old he was one day playing with an imaginary baby sister. A member of
+the household came into the room, whereupon he immediately broke out
+in wild screaming and became very much agitated. It took some time to
+quiet him and to find out that the cause of all his trouble was the
+fact that this person had inadvertently stepped upon his imaginary
+sister, whom he had placed upon the floor. Before him he saw his
+little sister crushed, and great were his horror and grief.
+
+I know from this experience and many others that if we do not enter
+into the child's world and try to understand the working of his mind
+we will often find him naughty, when he is not naughty at all. In
+the example given it would have been very easy to follow the first
+impulse to reprove the child for what seemed very unreasonable
+conduct on his part. And such cases arise constantly.
+
+How completely the child throws himself into an imaginary character is
+shown by an incident which occurred recently. A little boy of four,
+who had been accustomed to speak only German at home, was playing
+"doctor," and was so absorbed in the play that when dinner-time came
+he was loath to abandon the role. His mother, to avoid delay, simply
+said, "I think we will invite the doctor to have dinner with us," and
+he promptly accepted the invitation. When the maid came in, he said in
+English, "What is her name?"
+
+"Marie," the mother replied. "Isn't that Mary in English?" the child
+politely inquired. "You see, I cannot speak German, for my mother
+never taught me." And although this little boy never spoke English
+to his parents nor his parents to him, as "doctor" he spoke English
+throughout the meal.
+
+Many parents enter spontaneously into the spirit of their children's
+games, and make believe with the best of them. They pity poor Johnny
+when he screams with terror at the attack of the make-believe bear,
+and take great joy in admiring the make-believe kitten. If we but
+realized how all this make believe helps in the development of
+character and in the gaining of knowledge, _all_ parents would
+try to develop the child's imagination, and not only those who have
+the gift intuitively. It is the child's natural way of learning
+things, of getting acquainted with all living and inanimate objects
+in his environment. It sharpens his observation. A child who tries
+to "act a horse," for example, will be much more apt to notice all
+the different activities and habits of the horse in his various
+relations than a child who merely observes passively.
+
+A child with imagination, when receiving directions or instructions,
+can picture to himself what he is expected to do, and easily
+translates his instructions into action. To the unimaginative child
+the directions given will be so many words, and he cannot carry out
+these instructions as effectively.
+
+Again and again teachers find that pupils fail to carry out orders,
+though able, when asked, to repeat word for word the instructions
+given them.
+
+The plaintive inquiry, "What shall I do now?" is much more
+frequently heard from the child who is unimaginative or who has had
+the play of his imagination curbed. For the child can _be_
+whatever he wishes, and _have_ whatever he likes, his heart's
+desire is at his finger's end, once his imagination is free. The
+rocking-chair can be a great big ship, the carpet a rolling sea, and
+at most a suggestion is needed from the busy mother. A few chairs
+can be a train of cars and keep him occupied for hours. A wooden box
+is transformed into a mighty locomotive--in fact, give an
+imaginative child almost anything, a string of beads, or a piece of
+colored glass, and out of it his imagination will construct great
+happiness.
+
+A normal child does not need elaborate toys. The only function of a
+toy, as someone has well said, is "to serve as lay figures upon
+which the child's imagination can weave and drape its fancy."
+
+Although parents have not always understood what goes on in the
+child's mind when he is so busy with his play, our poets and lovers
+of children have had a deeper insight. Stevenson, in his poem "My
+Kingdom," shows us how, with the touch of imagination, the child
+transforms the commonplace objects of his surroundings into material
+for rich romance:
+
+Down by a shining water well
+I found a very little dell,
+  No higher than my head.
+The heather and the gorse about
+In summer bloom were coming out,
+  Some yellow and some red.
+
+I called the little pool a sea:
+The little hills were big to me;
+  For I am very small.
+I made boat, I made a town,
+I searched the caverns up and down,
+  And named them one and all.
+
+And all about was mine, I said,
+The little sparrows overhead,
+  The little minnows, too.
+This was the world and I was king:
+For me the bees came by to sing,
+  For me the swallows flew.
+
+I played there were no deeper seas,
+Nor any wilder plains than these,
+  Nor other kings than me.
+At last I hear my mother call
+Out from the house at evenfall,
+  To call me home to tea.
+
+And I must rise and leave my dell,
+And leave my dimpled water well,
+  And leave my heather blooms.
+Alas! and as my home I neared,
+How very big my nurse appeared,
+  How great and cool the rooms!
+
+Some children do not even need _objects_ as a starting point
+for their imaginative activity. They can just conjure up persons and
+things to serve as material for their play. Many children, when
+alone, have imaginary companions. One little boy, when taken out for
+his airing, daily met an imaginary friend, whom he called "Buster."
+As soon as he stepped out of the house he uttered a peculiar call,
+to which Buster replied--though no one but he heard him--and he
+would run to meet him and they would have a lovely time together,
+sometimes for hours at a stretch.
+
+Another little child received a daily visit from an imaginary cow.
+There was a certain place in the living-room where this red cow with
+white spots would appear. The child would go through the motions of
+feeding her, patting her, and bringing her water.
+
+In these two cases the "companionship" lasted but a few months, but
+there are children whose imaginary companions grow up with them and
+get older as they get older.
+
+[Illustration: Imagination supplies this two-year-old a prancing
+steed.]
+
+In some instances there is a group of such imaginary companions, and
+their activities constitute "a continued story," of which the child
+is a living centre, although not necessarily the hero.
+
+It seems to me that the power to create his own friends must be a
+great boon to a child who is forced to be alone a great deal or has
+no congenial companions.
+
+There need be no fear--except perhaps in very extreme cases--that
+such activity of the imagination is morbid. A little girl who plays
+with her dolls is really doing the same thing, only that she has a
+symbol for each of her imaginary companions.
+
+But although an imaginative child is much easier to teach later on,
+and although he does not trouble you with the incessant nagging
+"What shall I do now?" the mother whose idea of good conduct is
+"keeping quiet" will find the unimaginative child much easier to
+care for. He is very much less active and therefore "less
+troublesome." This explains why this priceless gift of imagination
+has so often been discouraged by parents and teachers. But they did
+not know that they were actually _harming_ the child by so
+discouraging him, or, let us hope, they would not have chosen the
+easier way. For, after all, we are not looking for the easiest way
+of getting along with children, but for the best, and the best for
+them will prove in the end to be the best for us.
+
+It must certainly try your patience, when you are tired, at the end
+of a day's work, to have Harry refuse to come to be put to bed
+because you called him "Harry"; and he replies, perhaps somewhat
+crossly: "I am not Harry, I told you. I am little Jack Horner, and I
+have to sit in my corner." But no matter how hard it may seem, do
+not get discouraged. Once you are fully aware of the importance of
+what seems to be but silly play, you will add this one more to your
+many sacrifices, and find that it will bring returns a hundredfold.
+And, after all, as in so many other problems, when you resolve to
+make the sacrifice, it turns out to be no sacrifice. For, once you
+approach the problem in an understanding spirit, the flights of the
+child's imagination will give you untold pleasure.
+
+Another reason why imagination has been suppressed by those who are
+in charge of children is the fear that it will lead to the formation
+of habits of untruthfulness. It is very hard to realize, unless you
+understand the child's nature, that the child is not lying when he
+says something that is manifestly not so to you and the other
+adults. I have heard children reproved for lying when I was sure
+that they had no idea of what a "lie" is. In one family an older boy
+broke a plate and, when charged with the deed, denied it flatly. His
+little brother, however, confessed and described just how he had
+broken it. Now, the older boy was telling a falsehood consciously--
+probably from fear of punishment. The little fellow, however, was
+not telling an untruth--from his point of view. He really imagined
+having broken that plate. He had heard the event discussed by the
+family until all the incidents were vivid to him and he pictured
+himself as the hero.
+
+Up to a certain time it is impossible for the child to distinguish
+between what we call _real_ and his make-believe. Both are
+equally real to him, and the make-believe is ever so much more
+interesting.
+
+Until about the fifth year a child does not know that he is
+imagining; between the ages of four and six the imaginative period
+is at its height, and there begins to appear a sort of undercurrent
+of consciousness that it is all make-believe, and this heightens the
+pleasure of trying to make it seem real. Gradually the child learns
+to distinguish between imaginary experiences and real ones, but
+until you are quite certain that he _does_ distinguish, do not
+attach any moral significance to his stories. Should an older child
+be inclined to tell falsehoods, you may be sure that this is
+_not_ because his imagination has been cultivated. There are
+then other reasons and causes, and they must be studied on their own
+account.
+
+After you come to a clear appreciation of the value of imagination
+in the child's development you will, instead of suppressing his
+feelings, look around for ways of encouraging this activity of his
+mind. You will see a new value in fairy tales and fables and a new
+significance in every turn of his fancy.
+
+
+
+
+IV.
+
+THE LIES CHILDREN TELL
+
+
+None of the petty vices of childhood appears to shock adults so much
+as lying; and none is more widespread among children--and among
+adults. As we are speaking of children, however, it is enough to say
+that all children lie--constantly, persistently, universally.
+Perhaps you will be less grieved by the lies of your children, and
+less loath to admit that they do lie, if you realize that _all_
+children lie. The mother who tells you that her child never lies is
+either deceiving herself or trying to impress you with the
+superiority of her off-spring. In her case the untruthfulness of
+childhood has not been remedied.
+
+However, although lying is so common, that is no reason for ignoring
+the lies of children. They have to be taught to know the truth, and
+to speak it and to act it. And they can be taught. The Psalmist
+said, "All men are liars"; but he spoke hastily, as he afterward
+learned. All of us are probably born with instincts that make it
+easy for us to acquire the art of lying; but we have also the
+instincts that make us love the truth and speak it. Indeed, a child
+may acquire a hatred of untruth that is so keen as to be positively
+distressing; and this condition is just as morbid and undesirable as
+that of the other extreme, which accepts lies as the usual thing.
+
+As in other problems connected with the bringing up of children, the
+first and the last aim should be to understand the child, the
+individual, particular child. Will your child become a habitual
+liar, or will he simply "outgrow" the tendency toward untruthfulness,
+as he will leave other childish things behind him? It is impossible to
+tell; but for the vast majority of children a great deal depends upon
+the kind of treatment given. If you do not treat the lies of your
+children _understandingly_, there is the danger that you will
+bring out other characteristics, perhaps even more undesirable
+ones--such as cruelty, vindictiveness, or even _actual deceit_.
+
+We must recognize that there is no general faculty of lying. It is
+very easy for us to class as _lies_ every word and every act
+that is not in complete harmony with the facts--as we understand
+them. But there are many kinds of lies, as well as many degrees of
+them. A child that is branded a liar has undoubtedly given abundant
+occasion for mistrust, and has lied aplenty; but undoubtedly also he
+has specialized in his lying, and would be incapable of certain
+kinds of lies that are common enough with other children. As we are
+the judges of our children in all of their misdeeds, we must
+preserve not only a judicious attitude, but we must really be
+_just_. And to this end it is essential that we take into
+consideration all the circumstances that lead to a lie, including
+the motives, as well as the special traits of the particular child.
+
+The first thing that we should keep always in mind is that the moral
+character of the child is still unformed, and that his standards of
+truth, like his other standards, are not the same as those of the
+adult. Indeed, this fact is at the same time the hope of childhood
+and the source of its many tragedies. It is the hope because the
+child is _growing_, and acquiring new vision and new powers;
+the child of to-day is the adult of to-morrow, and most of the
+children of to-day will be at least as developed, in time, as the
+adults of to-day. The tragedy arises from the fact that as we grow
+older we forget the outlook of the child, and misunderstandings
+between the parents and the children are almost inevitable.
+
+Whatever the prevailing morality of a community may demand, the fact
+remains that practically all children up to a certain age consider
+it perfectly legitimate to lie to their enemies if they but tell the
+truth to their friends. Children may lie to the policeman, or to the
+teacher, or to anyone with whom they are for the moment in conflict.
+This is a relic of the time when our savage ancestors found it
+necessary to practice deceit in order to save themselves from their
+enemies. So ingrained is this instinct that many a child will stick
+to a falsehood before the teacher or other inquisitors, only to
+retract and "go to pieces" when obliged to answer his mother. It has
+been shown over and over again that children even well along in the
+teens consider it quite right to tell one story to a teacher or to
+another child who is disliked, and a different story to one that is
+liked. This attitude probably arises not so much from a desire to
+deceive as an outcome of natural cunning and adaptability.
+
+This is illustrated by the little girl who used to throw the crust
+of her bread under the table, to get more soft bread. The child was
+too young to deceive anyone; she could not possibly have the idea of
+deceit or of lying. She had simply come to dispose of the crust in
+this way because she had associated the arrival of more bread with
+her empty-handedness; to throw the bread under the table was a
+direct way to the getting of what she wanted. The question of truth
+or untruth never entered the little mind. To treat this child as a
+liar would not only be unjust, but would be apt to make the child
+conscious of the idea of deceit. Later in his development the child
+may still use the same kind of cunning in getting what he wants or
+in escaping what he does not like, without the intention to deceive.
+And a lie, to be a lie, must include that intention.
+
+All students of child nature agree that a very young child--say
+before the age of four or five--does not lie consciously. Later, the
+child may say many things that are not so, but gradually he comes to
+recognize the difference between what he says and what is really so;
+he may need help in coming to see the difference, but this aid
+should not be forced upon him too soon. A little boy of five who was
+very imaginative became acquainted with some older children in a new
+neighborhood who had little imagination and therefore were greatly
+shocked by Herbert's "stories." They proceeded to inform him that he
+was lying, and to explain to him what a lie was. The boy was very
+much impressed. After he came home he discovered that there was a
+great deal of lying going on. He asked his little brother, "Are you
+older than me?"--to which the little one answered in the
+affirmative. Herbert came running to his mother to report that the
+baby had "told a lie!" For several weeks everything that was said
+was subject to the child's severe scrutiny; every slightest mistake
+was at once labelled by him as a "lie." Richard said _this_ is
+my right hand, that is a lie; Helen said I may not play with the
+hammer, mother said I may, so Helen lied; the maid said it was time
+to go to bed, but it is only five minutes to seven, so the maid
+lied. And he would delight especially in asking the baby brother
+leading questions, to trap him into saying lies. This experience did
+not result in making Herbert any more scrupulous in his own speech,
+for his imagination created interesting and dramatic situations,
+which he described with zeal and enthusiasm, for a long time after
+he had discovered "lies."
+
+The young child is really incapable of distinguishing between his
+dreams and reality on the one hand, and between reality and his
+day-dreams or imaginings on the other. A little boy came home from
+kindergarten a few days after he had entered, and, when the experience
+was still full of novelties to him, he described the workshop: each
+little boy had a pair of overalls with the name across the bib in
+black letters; there was a little locker for each child, with the name
+on the outside; each had his set of tools and his place at the bench.
+Day by day he narrated his doings in "school" and reported the
+progress he was making with a little "hair-pin box" that he intended
+for his aunt's birthday. On the birthday the mother came to the school
+to see how the boy was getting on; and she asked about the hair-pin
+box which he was now to bring home. It then appeared that there was no
+shop, no overalls, no lockers, no tools. The whole story was a
+creation of the child's imagination, and all the details he had
+invented were real enough to him to be described repeatedly with such
+vividness that no one suspected for a moment that it was all a
+fabrication. To call such stories "lies" would be worse than useless.
+If scolding or preaching could make a child merely stop _telling_ such
+stories, there would be no gain; if they stopped a child _thinking_
+such stories, there would be a decided loss.
+
+Gradually the child may come to recognize the difference between the
+make-believe and the reality, and he may be helped. When at a
+certain age you think your child ought to distinguish more clearly
+between his imagination and cold facts, it would be all right to
+explain to him that, although there is no harm in his enjoying his
+make-believe, still he must not tell his fancies as if they were
+real, but must tell them as "make-believe stories." That will
+achieve the desired result without making him feel hurt at your lack
+of understanding in treating him like an ordinary liar whose prime
+intention is to deceive. But it is not wise to force this
+development, even at the risk of prolonging the age of dreams.
+
+With some children lying is caused by their esthetic feelings. It is
+much easier for them to describe a situation as they feel it should
+have been than to describe it as it actually was. Many children
+"embellish the facts" without any trace of intent to deceive.
+Although we recognize that what they say is not strictly the truth,
+we must further recognize that it is their love of the beautiful or
+their sense of the fitness of things that leads them to these
+"exaggerations." It is the same sort of instinct as shows itself in
+our love of certain kinds of fiction. We know that some of the happy
+endings in the plays and in the novels are often far-fetched; but we
+like to have the happy endings, or the "poetic justice" endings, or
+the "irony of fate" endings, just the same. When the child makes up
+his endings to fit his sense of justice or beauty, we must not
+condemn him, as we are often tempted to do, by calling his
+fabrication a "lie," for that at once puts it in the same class as
+deliberate deceit for a selfish purpose. There is really no harm in
+this class of lies, unless, as the child grows older, it becomes
+apparent that he lets his wishes and preferences interfere with his
+vision of what is actually going on. In such cases the remedy is not
+to be found in the denunciation of lying, but in giving the child
+opportunity to experience realities that cannot be treated
+untruthfully. To this end various kinds of hand work and scientific
+study have been useful. It is impossible for the child to cheat the
+tools of the workshop or his instruments of precision; it is
+impossible to make a spool of thread do the work of two or three; or
+one cannot make the paint go farther by applying the brush faster.
+It is concrete reality that can teach the imaginative child reality;
+in the things he learns from books there is no check upon the
+imagined and the desired--one kind of outcome is as likely and as
+true as another. But in the experience of the workaday world causes
+and consequences cannot be so easily altered by a trick of words.
+
+Investigation has shown that the sentimental or heroic element is
+one that appeals to children so strongly that it may often lead to
+what we adults would call lies, or it would seem to the child to
+justify lying. The confession to a deed that he has not committed,
+for the purpose of saving a weaker companion from punishment or
+injury, seems to be a type of lie that appeals strongly to most
+children. Again and again have boys--and girls, too--declared
+stoically that they were guilty of some dereliction of which they
+were quite innocent, to shield a friend. And most children not only
+admire such acts, but will seek to defend them on moral grounds,
+even when they are old enough to know what a _lie_ is. The
+explanation for this is to be found in the fact that the child sees
+every situation or problem as a whole; he has not yet learned to
+separate problems into their component parts. A situation is to him
+all wrong or all right; he cannot see that a part may be wrong,
+while another part is right. Now in the case of the self-confessed
+culprits, the magnanimity and heroism of the act stand out so
+prominently that they quite overshadow the trifling circumstance
+that the hero did _not_ do the wicked deed.
+
+An excellent illustration of this trait of child nature came out in
+an inquiry that was made a number of years ago. A child replied, in
+answer to the question "When would a lie be justified?" that if the
+mother's life depended upon it one would have the moral duty of
+saying that she "was out, although she was really in." That is, it
+would be one's duty to make the great moral _sacrifice_ of
+speaking an untruth for the sake of saving the mother. Any child
+will tell you, as did this one, that it would be wicked to tell a
+lie to save his own life!
+
+This suggests another type of lie that is quite common. Most
+children feel their personal loyalties so keenly that they would do
+many things that they themselves consider wrong for a person they
+love or admire. A little girl was so much impressed with the moral
+teachings of her Sunday-school teacher that she was determined to
+get her a suitable Christmas present. Now, the family had not the
+means to supply such a present, and Mary knew it, and was greatly
+distressed by the fact. However, where there is a will there is a
+way; and Mary found the way by cunningly stealing a moustache cup
+from a store with the inspiring legend "To dear Father" and
+beautiful red and blue roses and gilt leaves. Mary had learned that
+it was wicked to steal and to lie, etc., but her heart was set on
+getting something for the teacher, not for herself, and she very
+unselfishly risked her moral salvation for the person she loved and
+admired.
+
+It is probably better for the child if we do not push the analysis
+of acts and motives too early, for there is more danger at a certain
+age from morbid self-consciousness than from acquiring vicious
+habits. If we recognize that many of the lapses from the paths of
+truth arise from really worthy motives, we must make sure that these
+ideals become fixed before we attempt to separate the unworthy act
+from the commendable purpose.
+
+The cases so far given show how important it is to retain not only
+the affection but also the confidence of our children; and how
+important it is to have right teachers and associates. The child
+will do what he can to please those he really likes or admires; but
+the kind of thing he will do will depend a great deal upon what
+those he admires themselves like to see done.
+
+There are some lies that are due to faulty observation. We do not
+often realize to what extent we supplement our sense perceptions in
+relating our experiences. Lawyers tell us that it is very difficult
+to have a witness relate _exactly_ what he saw; he is always
+adding details for completing the story in accordance with his
+_interpretation_ of what he saw. This is not lying in any
+sense, but it is relating as alleged facts what are in reality
+conclusions from facts. One may be an unreliable witness without
+being a liar; and so may the child tell us things that we know are
+not so because, in trying to tell a complete story, he has to
+supplement what he actually saw with what he feels _must_ have
+been a part of the incident. Defects of judgment as well as
+delusions of the senses or lapses of memory may lead to
+misstatements that are not really lies. Some delusions of the
+senses, especially of sight and of hearing, undoubtedly have a
+physical cause.
+
+Another source of comparatively harmless lying is the instinct for
+secretiveness. Children just love to have secrets, and if there are
+none on hand, they have to be invented. A child will tell another a
+secret on condition that it be kept a secret; but when the secret is
+told it turns out to be a falsehood--perhaps even something
+libellous. Now, the child cannot feel that he has done anything
+wicked, for to his mind the big thing is that Nellie promised not to
+tell, and she broke her promise! If she had not broken her promise
+to keep the secret, it never would have come out, and no harm would
+have been done. Perhaps we have not yet sufficiently driven secrets
+from our common life to demand that the children shall be without
+secrets. When we set the children an example of perfect frankness
+and open dealing in all matters, we may perhaps be in a position to
+discourage the invention of secrets by the young people.
+Secretiveness leads naturally to deceit; but it is not in itself
+serious enough to make much ado about. Healthy children in healthful
+social surroundings will outgrow this instinct; where the atmosphere
+is charged with intrigue and scheming and dissimulation, this
+instinct may survive longer, but its manifestation is in itself not
+a trait that should give its concern.
+
+Some children lie because they are inclined to brag or show off;
+others for just the opposite reason--they are too sensitive or
+timid. And a lie that comes from either side of the child's nature
+cannot be taken as a sign of moral depravity; the treatment which a
+child is given must take into consideration the child's temperament.
+Charles Darwin tells of his own inclination to make exaggerated
+statements for the purpose of causing a sensation. "I told another
+little boy," he writes in his autobiography, "that I could produce
+variously-colored polyanthuses and primroses by watering them with
+certain colored fluids, which was, of course, a monstrous fable, and
+had never been tried by me. I may here also confess that as a little
+boy I was much given to inventing deliberate falsehoods, and this
+was always done for the sake of causing excitement. For instance, I
+once gathered much valuable fruit from my father's trees and hid it
+in the shrubbery and then ran in breathless haste to spread the news
+that I had discovered a hoard of stolen fruit."
+
+For the vaunting lie it is usually sufficient to defeat its purpose
+by showing that the boast cannot be carried out. The braggart is
+made to descend from the pedestal of the hero to the level of the
+fool.
+
+How the other extreme in disposition may lead to a "lie" is shown by
+the little girl who was sent to the store for a loaf of bread and
+came back saying that there was no more to be had. The mother was
+very sure that that could not be, but soon found out, on
+questioning, that the child had forgotten what she was sent to get
+and was then afraid of being ridiculed for having forgotten. Here
+the cause of the lie was timidity. To punish this child would only
+make her more timid. In a case of this kind the mother should try to
+cultivate the self-confidence of the child instead of punishing her
+for untruthfulness.
+
+Perhaps the most common kind of lie is the one that a child tells in
+order to escape punishment. It is often chosen as "the easiest way"
+without realization of any serious wrong-doing. And even when a
+child is taught the wrong of it, it is still too helpful to be
+entirely dropped. As a little boy once said, "A lie is an
+abomination to the Lord, and an ever-ready help in time of trouble."
+The first lie of this kind that a child invents comes without any
+feeling of moral wrong-doing. He has only an instinctive shrinking
+from pain. To cure a child of this kind of lie, we must take his
+disposition into consideration; there is no one remedy that suits
+all children. In some cases it has worked very well to develop the
+courage of the child, so that he will fearlessly accept the
+consequences of his deeds. We all know of cases where children can
+be physically very brave and stand a great deal of pain if they are
+made to see the necessity for it--as when they are treated by a
+dentist or physician. Children of that type surely can be taught to
+be brave, also, about accepting the consequences of misdeeds. With
+another type of child the desired result can be obtained by making
+him see that he will be happier and that his relations with others
+will he pleasanter if he always tells the truth. In some children
+the sense of honor can be very easily aroused, and they can be made
+to see how truthfulness and reliability help human beings to get
+along with each other in their various relations. A great many
+temptations for this kind of lie can be entirely avoided if your
+child feels from earliest infancy that you always treat him justly.
+
+Yet a child who is neither afraid of punishment nor inclined to
+deceive may often be tempted to lie when his wits are challenged.
+There is something about your tone of voice, or in the manner of
+asking "Who left the door of the chicken-house open?" that is an
+irresistible temptation to make you show how smart you really are.
+You think you know, and your manner shows it; but you may be
+mistaken, and your cocksureness arouses all the cunning and
+combativeness of the child. There is a vague feeling in his mind
+that he would like to see you confirm your suspicion without the aid
+of an open confession--and the result is a "lie." Indeed, any
+approach that arouses antagonisms is almost sure to bring out the
+propensity to dissimulate or even to deceive. In such cases the
+mother should learn how to approach the child without a challenge,
+instead of trying to teach the child not to lie.
+
+The worst kind of lies are those caused by selfishness or the desire
+to gain at the expense of another, or those prompted by malice or
+envy, or the passion for vengeance. Although such lies often appear
+in the games of children, the games themselves are not to be held
+responsible for this. Indeed, the games of the older children, when
+played under suitable direction, are likely to be among the best
+means for remedying untruthfulness. Yet it may be wise sometimes to
+keep a child from his games for a time, not so much to "punish" him
+for lying as to give him an opportunity to reflect on the close
+connection between truthfulness and good playing. Special
+instruction may sometimes be needed as a means to arousing the
+conscience. The lies of selfishness are bad because, if continued,
+they are likely to make children grasping and unscrupulous. But it
+is in most cases wiser to try to make the child more generous and
+frank than to fix the attention on the lies. If he can be made to
+realize that his happiness is more likely to be assured through
+friendly and sincere relations, the temptation to use lies will be
+reduced.
+
+One type of lying that is very irritating and very hard to meet is
+that known as prevarication. This consists in telling a part of a
+truth, or even a whole truth, in such a way as to convey a false
+impression, and is most common at about twelve or thirteen years.
+When a child resorts to prevarication he is already old enough to
+know the difference between a truthful statement and a false
+statement. Indeed, it is when he most keenly realizes this that he
+is most likely to prevaricate, for this is but a device by which the
+childish mind attempts to achieve an indirect purpose and at the
+same time keep his peace with his conscience. It is when he already
+has a certain fear of lying, and is not yet thoroughly sincere and
+truth-loving, that he will come home from the truant fishing party
+and ingeniously tell you that a "friend of Harry's" caught the fish,
+instead of saying that he himself did it. His conscience is quite
+satisfied with the reflection that he _is_ a friend of Harry's.
+In this stage of his career the child is quite capable of
+understanding a direct analysis of what is essentially a deception,
+and a good heart-to-heart talk that comes to a conclusion is about
+the best thing he can get.
+
+I hope you will not think, from what I have said, that I have been
+trying to justify lying, or that I do not consider lying a serious
+matter; nor, on the other hand, that you will consider a single
+application of the remedies suggested sufficient to make any child
+truthful. Thoroughgoing truthfulness comes hard and generally comes
+late. But for the majority of children truthfulness is attainable,
+although it will not be attained without a struggle. The finer
+instincts often enough lead to violations of strict veracity; but
+they may be made also to strengthen the feeling of scrupulous regard
+for the truth.
+
+I have tried to show that what we call a lie is _not_ always a
+lie; and that some of the very methods we use in training our
+children themselves produce lies. The inflicting of severe
+punishments is one of the chief of these, and the most common lie is
+that which is due to fear of punishment. Lies that arise from bad
+habits should be treated by an attempt to remedy the bad habit. Lies
+that arise from ignorance should be treated by attention to
+necessary knowledge.
+
+Even more important than the right kind of treatment for
+untruthfulness is the necessity for an atmosphere in which the
+spirit of truthfulness is all-pervading. Some day watch yourself and
+notice how often you tell untruths to your child; how often he hears
+you tell so-called "white lies" to your neighbors; how often he
+hears you prevaricate and exaggerate. If you will keep track of
+these things you will realize that it is a trifle absurd of you to
+expect your child to be a strict speaker of the truth. Part of our
+campaign against the lies of our children must therefore consist in
+our attempt to establish truthful relations among adults, and
+between adults and children.
+
+
+
+
+V.
+
+BEING AFRAID
+
+
+The heroes of history and the heroes of fiction whom all of us like
+to admire are the men and women who know no fear. But most of us
+make use of fear as a cheap device for attaining immediate results
+with our children. When Johnny hesitates about going upstairs in the
+dark to fetch your work-basket, you remind him of Columbus, who
+braved the trackless sea and the unknown void in the West, and you
+exhort him to be a man; but when Johnny was younger you yourself
+warned him that the Bogeyman would get him if be did not go right to
+sleep. And it is not very long since the day when he tried to climb
+the cherry tree and you attempted to dissuade him with the alarming
+prophecy that he would surely fall down and break his neck.
+
+Thus our training consists of countless contradictions: we set up
+noble ideals to arouse courage and self-reliance--when that suits
+our immediate purpose; and we frighten with threats and warn of
+calamity when the child has the impulse to do what we do not wish to
+have him do. This at once suggests the effect of fear upon character
+and conduct. We instinctively call upon courage when we want the
+child _to do_ something; we call upon fear when we want to
+_prevent action_. In other words, bravery stimulates, whereas
+fear paralyzes.
+
+The human race is characterized by an instinct of fear. Very young
+infants exhibit all the symptoms of fear long before they can have
+any knowledge or experience of the disagreeable and the harmful
+effects of the things that frighten them. Thus a sudden noise will
+make the child start and tremble and even scream. And all through
+life an unexpected and loud noise is likely to startle us. An
+investigation has shown that thunder is feared much more than
+lightning. Children will laugh at the flashes of lightning, but will
+cower before the roaring thunder.
+
+The feeling of fear is closely associated with what is _unknown_. It
+is not noise in general that frightens the children, but an
+unexpected noise from an unknown source. Indeed, the children like
+noise itself well enough to produce it whenever they can by heating
+drums, or barrels, or wash-boilers. The frightful thing about thunder
+is that the cause remains a mystery, and it is frightful so long as
+the cause _does_ remain a mystery, if the child lives to be a hundred
+years old. During a thunder-storm children will picture to themselves
+a battle going on above. Some think of the sky cracking or the moon
+bursting, or conceive of the firmament as a dome of metal over which
+balls are being rolled.
+
+[Illustration: Neither are girls afraid to climb.]
+
+The influence of the unknown explains also why that other great
+source of fear, namely, darkness, has such a strange hold upon
+children. Fear of darkness is very common and often very intense.
+There are but few children who do not suffer from it at some time
+and to some extent. This fear is frequently suggested by stories of
+robbers, ghosts, or other terrors, but even children who have been
+carefully guarded sometimes have these violent fears that cannot be
+reasoned away.
+
+In order to discover what it is about the darkness that frightens
+children, a large number of women and men were asked to recall their
+childish experiences with fear, and from the many instances given
+the following may be used to illustrate the various terrors of the
+dark.
+
+One woman described her fears of "an indistinct living something,
+black, possibly curly," which she feared would enter the room in the
+darkness from somewhere under the bed. Another could see dark
+objects with eyes and teeth slowly and noiselessly descending from
+the ceiling toward her. One little boy, when he had finally overcome
+fear, said to his father that he thought the dark to be "a large
+live thing the color of black." A girl of nineteen said she
+remembered that on going to bed she used to see little black figures
+jumping about between the ceiling and the bed.
+
+It is well known that the feeling of fear is often very intense
+among children; and where it is due to ignorance it is not right to
+laugh it away. Doing so affords no explanation. The ridicule may
+cause the child to _hide_ his fear, but will not drive the
+feeling away. Since the feeling of fear is so closely connected with
+the strange and unknown, the only way that it may be directly
+overcome is by making the child familiar with the objects that cause
+such feelings.
+
+In the case of young children with whom we cannot reason it is best,
+wherever possible, to remove the cause or gradually to make the
+child familiar with the darkness, or whatever it is that makes him
+unhappy. One very young child became frightened when he was
+presented with a Teddy bear. Every time the Teddy bear was produced
+he would cry with terror. The mother was perplexed about what to do.
+Now, as the Teddy bear is not a necessary part of the child's
+surroundings, there is no reason why it cannot be removed altogether
+and produced again upon some future occasion, when the child is old
+enough to be indifferent to it. Very many children are frightened by
+the touch of fur, or even of velvet; but this lasts only a short
+time, and they soon learn to like dogs and cats.
+
+The fear of darkness is different; we cannot eliminate darkness from
+the child's experience, and we must patiently try to help the child
+to overcome his fear, since he will suffer greatly so long as it
+lasts. The help you give him will also constitute one more bond of
+sympathy between you and your child, and we cannot have too many
+such bonds.
+
+One mother got her boy used to going into a dark room by placing
+some candy on the farther window and sending him for that. Here the
+child fixed his attention on the goal and had no time to think of
+the terrors of the dark. After making such visits a few times the
+boy became quite indifferent to the darkness.
+
+Another ingenious mother gave her little daughter who was afraid a
+tiny, flat, electric spotlight which just fitted into the pocket of
+her pajama jacket She took it to bed with her, slipped it under the
+pillow, and derived such comfort from it that the whole family was
+relieved. The child soon outgrew her timidity.
+
+A child who from infancy has been accustomed to going to sleep in
+the dark and suddenly develops a fear of it ought to be indulged to
+the extent of having a light for a few minutes to show him that
+there is nothing there to be afraid of. It may take a few evenings
+and several disagreeable trips to the child's bedroom, but in the
+end he will be victorious and you will have helped him to win the
+victory.
+
+A child that is not in good health is likely to be possessed by his
+fears much longer than one who is well. In the latter case there is
+a fund of energy to go exploring, and the child thus becomes more
+readily acquainted with his surroundings, and as his knowledge grows
+his fears vanish. Again, the sickly child has not the energy to
+fight his fears, as has the healthy child. Indeed, the high spirits
+of the healthy child often lead him to seek the frightful, just for
+the exhilaration he gets from the sensation.
+
+The period of most intense fears is between the ages of five and
+seven, and while imaginative children naturally suffer most, they
+are also the ones that can call up bright fancies to cheer them.
+Robert Louis Stevenson must have had a lovely time in the dark,
+seeing circuses and things, as he tells us in his poem which begins:
+
+All night long and every night
+When my mamma puts out the light
+I see the circus passing by
+As plain as day before my eye, etc.
+
+Although fear is a human instinct, it is not universal, and once in
+a while we find a child who has no instinctive fear. If such a child
+is not frightened he may remain quite ignorant of the feeling for
+many years. I know a boy who, at the age of five, was unacquainted
+with the sensation of fear, and, never having been frightened, also
+did not know the meaning of the word "fear." He had heard it used by
+other children and knew that it was something unpleasant, but when
+one day at dinner he said to his mother, "You know, I think I am
+afraid of spinach," meaning that he did not like it, it was evident
+that the feeling of fear was quite foreign to him.
+
+Many parents have a feeling of helplessness in the face of a trait
+that is said to be "instinctive," as though there were some fatal
+finality in that classification. But, while it is true that fear is
+instinctive, it is equally true that it can often be successfully
+fought by having recourse to other instinctive traits. Thus the
+instinct of curiosity, which is more widespread even than the instinct
+of fear, may be used to counteract the latter. Since fear rests so
+largely on ignorance, curiosity is its enemy, because it dissipates
+ignorance. A little boy who had a certain fear of the figures in the
+mirror that were so vivid and yet so unreal used to try to come into a
+room in which there was a large mirror, and steal upon the causes of
+his curiosity unawares. His double was always there as soon as he, and
+caught his eye; but the child lost his fear only after he became
+familiar with the characters in the looking-glass. In the same way
+curiosity will often compel the child to become gradually so well
+acquainted with the source of his fears as to drive the latter quite
+out of his experience.
+
+We must be careful to avoid confusing fear and caution. Fear arises
+from ignorance, and is not necessarily related to any real danger.
+Caution, on the other hand, is a direct outcome of the knowledge of
+danger. Two little boys were watching a young man shooting off
+fire-crackers. Whenever a bunch was lit the older boy stepped away,
+while the younger one held his ground. Someone taunted the older boy,
+saying, "You see, Harry is not afraid, and you are." To which he very
+sensibly replied, "I ain't afraid neither, but Harry doesn't know that
+he might get hurt, and I do."
+
+Therefore, while we do not wish our children to be cowards, neither
+do we want them to feel reckless. Caution and courage may well go
+together in the child's character. Constantly warning the child
+against possible danger does not develop caution; it is more likely
+to destroy all spontaneous action. Too many mothers are always
+saying to their children, "Don't do this, you might hurt yourself,"
+or "Don't go to the stable, the horse may kick you," and so on. If a
+child is properly taught, he will get along with the ordinary
+knowledge concerning the behavior of things and animals that might
+be injurious, and he will learn to be careful with regard to these
+without being constantly admonished and frightened.
+
+The fear of being considered afraid has its evil side as well as its
+good side. While it may often make the child "affect the virtue"
+when he has it not, it does, on the other hand, make many a boy and
+girl, especially in the early teens, concede to the demands of
+prevailing fashions in misconduct, when the conscience and the
+knowledge of right and wrong dictate a different course. The taunt
+"you dassent" is stronger than the still small voice saying "_thou
+must not_." And so Harry plays truant for the first time not so
+much because he is tired of school, or because the smell of the
+young spring allures him, as because Tommy "dares" him to go
+swimming on the risk of getting caught and licked. Harry yields for
+fear of being called a "cowardy custard."
+
+It is important to guard against the moral effect of fear when it is
+directed against the judgments of others. By always referring the
+child to "what others will think" of him, we are likely to make
+moral cowards. A child can be taught to refer to his own conscience
+and to his own judgment, and, if he has been wisely trained, his
+conscience and judgment will be at least as effective guides in his
+relations with human beings as his attempt to avoid misconduct for
+fear of what others will think or say.
+
+The use of fear as a means of discipline is being discarded by all
+thoughtful parents and teachers. We have learned that authority
+maintained by fear is very short-lived; when a child gets past a
+certain age, the obedience based upon fear of authority is almost
+certain to turn into defiance. The fear of punishment leads directly
+to untruthfulness and deception; parents who rely upon affection and
+good-will to assure the right conduct of their children get better
+results than those who terrorize them.
+
+Fear and hatred are closely connected, and in cultivating fear we
+are fostering a trait that may in a critical moment turn to hatred.
+The only things that we should teach our children to fear are those
+we should be willing to have them hate. Let your children learn to
+fear and hate all mean and selfish acts, all cunning and deception,
+all unfairness and injustice. But even better than teaching them to
+hate these vices, teach them to love and admire and to aspire to
+realize the positive virtues.
+
+When we observe the undesirable physical effects of fear, such as
+the effect upon the heart and blood-vessels, the effect upon the
+nerve currents, etc., we can hardly expect it to have a beneficial
+effect upon the mental or moral side of the child's nature. Fear
+always cramps and paralyzes; it never broadens or stimulates. All
+the progress made by our race has been accomplished by those who
+were _not_ afraid: the men and women of broad vision and
+independent, fearless action. Every mother has lurking in some
+corner of her heart the fond hope that her children will in some way
+contribute to the advancement of humanity, to make our life here
+better worth living. To contribute in this way, our children must be
+without fear.
+
+
+
+
+VI.
+
+THE FIRST GREAT LAW
+
+
+When you have had a scene with your disobedient Robert, you are apt
+to wonder how Mrs. Jones ever manages to make her children obey so
+nicely. If all secrets were made public, you would know that Mrs.
+Jones has often wished that she could make her children mind as
+nicely as do yours. For we always imagine that making children mind
+is the one thing that other mothers succeed in better than we do.
+
+Why is it that we consider obedience of such great importance in the
+bringing up of our children? Is it because obedience itself is a
+supreme virtue which we desire to cultivate in our children? Or is
+it because we find it convenient to receive obedience from those
+with whom we have to deal?
+
+That obedience is a virtue cannot be denied. But it is a virtue only
+under special kinds of human relationship. The obedience required of
+a fireman or a sailor is of the same kind as that which we demand of
+a child exposed to a danger that he does not see. The work of the
+fireman and of the sailor is such that these people must be
+constantly prepared to obey instantly the orders given by those in
+authority over them. The life of the child, however, is such as to
+make his work or his safety depend upon his obedience only under
+exceptional circumstances. To justify our demand for _habitual_
+obedience, we must find better reasons than the stock argument so
+often given, namely, that in certain emergencies the instant
+response to a command may result in saving the child from injury or
+even from death.
+
+The need for obedience lies closer to hand than an occasional
+emergency which may never arise. In all human relationships there
+come occasions for the exercise of authority. There is no doubt that
+in the relations between parents and child the parent--or elder
+person--should be the one in authority, on account of his greater
+experience and maturer judgment, quite apart from any question of
+sentiment or tradition. But if you wish to exercise authority, you
+must make sure to deserve it. Laws and customs give parents certain
+authority over their children, but well we know that too few of them
+are able to make wise use of this authority.
+
+Not only from the side of our own convenience, but also from the
+side of the child's real needs, we must give the young spirit
+training in obedience. The child that does not get the constant
+support of a reliable and firm guide misses this support; the child
+is happier when he is aware of having near-by an unfailing
+counsellor, one who will decide aright what he is to do and what he
+is not to do. But when I say that the obedient child is happier than
+the disobedient one, I do not mean merely that the latter gets into
+mischief more frequently, or that the former receives more marks of
+affection from the parents. There is involved something more
+important than rewards and punishments. The young child would really
+rather obey than be left to his own decisions. When he has no one to
+tell him what to do, or to warn him against what he must not do, the
+child feels his helplessness. And there is valuable tonic for the
+child's body as well as for his will in the comfortable
+consciousness of a superior authority upon which he can safely lean.
+
+As the child becomes older he begins to assert his own desires in a
+more positive fashion, and at about two and a half to three years
+the problem of obedience takes on a new aspect. For now the child
+has had experience enough to enable him to have his own purposes,
+and these often come in conflict with the wishes of the mother.
+Should obedience be now demanded? And should it be insisted upon?
+There is more involved in this problem than the convenience of
+administering the household, or the immediate safety and well-being
+of the child. There is involved the whole question of the child's
+future attitude toward life. Shall the child become one who
+habitually obeys the commands of others, without questioning,
+without resisting, and so perhaps become a pliant tool in the hands
+of powerful but unscrupulous men? Or shall he be allowed to go his
+own way and over-ride the wishes of others, to become, perhaps, a
+wilful victim of his own whims and moods, presenting a stubborn
+resistance to overwhelming forces that will in the end crush him?
+
+In the case of the very young child absolute obedience must be
+required, for the reason that the child is not in a position to
+assume the responsibility for his conduct. The will of the mother
+must be followed for the child's own safety and health, for the
+child has no intelligence or experience,--that is, judgment,--or
+purpose to guide him. He has only blind impulses that may often be
+harmless but are never reliable. So the first need is for training
+in regularity, and this is possible only under the guidance of the
+mother or nurse, who _knows_ what is to be done, or not done,
+and whose authority must be absolute. So the child must first of all
+learn to obey. Later he must learn what and whom to obey.
+
+Recognizing, then, in full the value of obedience, we must be
+careful not to exaggerate it and consider it a cardinal virtue.
+Obedience is far from being a fundamental virtue. On the contrary,
+once established as a ruling principle in the household or anywhere
+else, it is easily carried far enough to become a source of positive
+harm. To obey means to act in accordance with another's wishes. To
+act in this manner does not call upon the exercise of judgment or
+responsibility, and too many grow up without acquiring the habit of
+using judgment and without acquiring a sense of responsibility. They
+are only too willing to leave choice and decision to others.
+Decision of character and habitual obedience do not go well
+together. Moreover, it is now coming to be more fully recognized
+that the progress of society depends not upon closer obedience to
+the few natural leaders, but upon the exercise of discretion and
+judgment on the part of an ever larger number of those who are not
+leaders.
+
+There may be a still greater danger in requiring so-called implicit
+obedience of every child. We have learned from modern studies of the
+human mind that _doing_ is the outcome of _thinking_ and
+_feeling_. When we constantly force children to do things that
+have no direct connection with their thoughts and feelings, or when
+we prevent actions which follow naturally from their thoughts and
+feelings, we are interfering with the orderly working of the child's
+mind. We force children to act in ways unrelated to their thoughts
+and feelings, and as a result we have many men and women of fine
+sentiment and lofty thought who never let their ideas and sentiments
+find expression in effective action. In other words, the effect upon
+the mind of "thoughtless minding" is not a healthy one.
+
+A large amount of disobedience arises from the fact that the child's
+attention and interest are so different from an adult's. The little
+girl who is said to have given her name as "Mary Don't" illustrates
+this. Mary does a great many things in the course of a day, impelled
+by curiosity and the instinct to handle things. Most of her
+activities are harmless; but when she touches something that you
+care about, you command her to let it alone. This is quite proper.
+Very often, however, she is told to stop doing things that are quite
+indifferent, and that satisfy her natural craving for activity
+without being in the least harmful. Being interfered with
+constantly, she soon comes to consider all orders arbitrary and--
+disobedience results.
+
+The other side of the problem is seen when a child is told to do
+something when he is preoccupied with his own affairs. You may tell
+him a second time; very likely you raise your voice. The third time
+you fairly shout. This is undignified and it is also unnecessary.
+For Bobby has _heard_ the order from the first; but he has not
+_attended_ to your wishes. In such cases there is no primary
+disobedience; but a frequent repetition of such incidents can easily
+lead Bobby to become quite indifferent to your orders; then
+disobedience is habitual. The child that has acquired the habit of
+ignoring the mother's wishes will not suddenly begin to obey orders
+when the emergency comes.
+
+From these two cases we may see that it is important to get first
+the child's habit of attending to what is said to him--by making
+everything that is said to him _count_. In the second place,
+the child must be taught to feel that what he is directed to do is
+the best thing to do.
+
+For getting the child to obey we must keep constantly in mind the
+idea that we are working for certain habits. Now, a habit is
+acquired only through constant repetition of a given act or a given
+kind of behavior. The first rule for the parent should therefore be
+to be absolutely consistent in demanding obedience from the child.
+If you call to the children in the nursery to stop their racket
+(because father is taking a nap) and fail to insist upon the
+quietness because father just whispers to you that he is not
+sleeping, you have given the children practice in _disobedience_. If
+they are to be allowed to go on with the noise, this should be because
+you openly permit them to go on with their noisy fun, and not because
+they may heedlessly disregard your wishes. Direct disobedience is not
+to be overlooked under any circumstances. It is true that parents
+often give orders that had better not be carried out; but the remedy
+is not in allowing the children to disobey, but in thinking twice or
+thrice before giving a command, or in agreeing with them upon a course
+of action without giving commands at all. By giving no orders that are
+unnecessary or that are arbitrary, the child will come in time to feel
+that your interferences with his own impulses are intended for his own
+good.
+
+[Illustration: Only a good reason can warrant calling an absorbed
+child from his occupation.]
+
+We frequently tell the children that we want them to obey "for their
+own good." If this were true, we should have little difficulty in
+obtaining obedience, for most children instinctively follow orders and
+suggestions. It is only when we abuse this instinct by too _frequent_
+and _capricious_ and _thoughtless_ commands for our own convenience
+that the children come to revolt at our orders.
+
+There are great differences among children in the readiness with
+which they adopt suggestions or follow orders. Some children are
+easily dissuaded from a line of action in which they are engaged.
+Their attention is not very closely filed, and they are easily
+distracted, and may be sent from one thing to another without
+resenting the interruptions. Such children quickly learn to obey,
+and some seldom offer resistance to suggestion; but they deserve no
+special praise or credit for their perfect obedience, neither do
+their parents deserve special credit for having "trained" such
+children. On the other hand, there are children who set their hearts
+very firmly upon the objects of their desire, and who cannot easily
+stop in the middle of a game or in the middle of a sentence just to
+put some wood in the stove. Such children will appear to be
+"disobedient," although they are just as affectionate and as loyal
+and as dutiful as the others. When you see a child that is a model
+of obedience, you cannot conclude that he has been well trained; nor
+is frequent disobedience an indication of neglect on the part of the
+parents. But the majority of children will fall in the class of
+those whose obedience or disobedience is a matter of habit resulting
+from the firmness and consistency and considerateness of the
+parents.
+
+Unless a child has become altogether submissive, he will not obey
+all orders with equal readiness. Alice, who is not very active, does
+not display any great virtue if she sits still when you tell her to.
+On the other hand, sitting still means to Harry a supreme effort as
+well as a great sacrifice; to demand this of him we should have a
+very good reason. I know children who are models of obedience in
+most matters, but who scream with protest and resentment when it
+comes to taking medicine or even to being examined by a physician.
+On the other hand, a little boy I know, to whom obedience in general
+comes very hard, has such respect for the wisdom of physicians and
+for the helpfulness of medicines that he will undergo a thorough
+examination and will swallow the bitterest of drugs without even
+making a wry face.
+
+If you will look about among your acquaintances, I think you will
+find that those who get really intelligent obedience from their
+children are the ones who make the least ado about it, and perhaps
+never use the time-worn phrase, "Now you _must_ mind me." It is
+the weak person who is constantly forced to make appeals to his
+authority. It is the weak person who is constantly threatening the
+child with terrible retributions for his disobedience. Yet none are
+quicker to detect the weakness, none know better that the threats
+will not be carried out, than those very children whose obedience we
+desire thus to obtain.
+
+Many of us get into the habit of placing too many of our wishes in
+the form of commands or orders to do or not to do, instead of
+requesting as we would of an equal. Wherever possible we should
+suggest to the child a line of conduct, so as to make the child feel
+that he is making a choice. You may say to Johnnie, "Go and get me a
+pail of water." Or you may say, "Johnnie, please get me a pail of
+water." Or you may say, "Johnnie, mother needs a pail of water." You
+will perhaps get just as good service in one case as in another; but
+the ultimate effect on Johnnie may make the difference between a man
+who finds work a necessary evil and one who finds work a means of
+service.
+
+From men who have been successful in managing industries and from
+women who have managed large households with the least amount of
+friction we can learn that there is a way of obtaining obedience
+without imposing upon the minds of those under our authority. Whenever
+you wish to depart from the usual routine, there is a good reason for
+the change, and in most cases the reason can be stated with the
+request. When this is done the order loses the appearance of
+arbitrariness. If you say to Mary, "I wish you would go out without me
+this afternoon, as I have some important sewing to finish," you will
+most likely meet with ready acquiescence. If, however, you say, "You
+must go alone this afternoon, I can't go with you," and if when Mary
+dares ask "Why?" you say, "Because I tell you to," you will certainly
+sow the seeds of rebellion. No self-respecting child will accept such
+a reason. If at least you make an appeal to your superior judgment,
+and say, "Mother knows best," there would be something gained. For now
+you are shifting the basis of the child's conduct from your position
+of power over her to the highest authority within our reach, namely,
+good judgment. The child is thus learning to obey not a _person_, but
+a _principle_.
+
+Expressing your wishes in the form of a request, modified wherever
+possible by a reason, does not mean that you are to give the child a
+reason for everything he is asked to do; for if the child has
+respect for you and feels your sympathy with him, he will do many
+things that are requested without understanding any reason, but
+confident, when he does think of the matter, that you have a good
+reason. In other words, where there have been close sympathy and
+habitual obedience the parent becomes, in the child's mind, the
+embodiment of those ideals or principles toward which he feels
+loyal.
+
+In the same way men and women who give arbitrary commands may get
+from their assistants formal obedience, but they never get hearty
+and intelligent cooperation. Indeed, it is no doubt because we still
+cling to the traditions of earlier times, when personal loyalty and
+military types of virtue were so prominent in the minds of men, that
+we are so slow to learn the need for cooperation in modern times.
+The need to-day is for leaders who will inspire their fellows with
+enthusiasm for cooperation, who will wisely guide their fellows in
+effective service; and of the corresponding virtues in the followers
+obedience is _not_ the first.
+
+And yet we must recognize all the time that there are occasions when
+a person must do what he is told to just because he is told; and it
+were well for one who has to take orders to be able to do so without
+fret and bitterness. The child should, however, come sooner or later
+to distinguish between those commands that arise out of real
+necessities and those that arise from the passion or caprice of
+other persons. To the former he must learn to submit with the best
+possible grace, with an effort at understanding, or even with a
+desire to assimilate to himself. To the latter he should submit,
+when forced to, only under protest, and with the resolve to make
+himself free.
+
+That confidence is a strong factor in obtaining obedience is well
+illustrated by many boys in every village and town. These boys are
+notoriously disobedient at home and at school, but on the baseball
+field they will follow the orders of the captain without question.
+They feet that his commands are not arbitrary or thoughtless, that
+they are not petty and personal, but really for the greatest
+advantage to those concerned. If we can inspire in our children such
+confidence in our motives, we shall have little worry about the
+problem of obedience.
+
+In the training of the child we often forget that the child will
+some time outgrow his childishness. We must consider not only what
+is the best kind of behavior for a _child_, but what kinds of
+habits it is best for a child to develop in view of his some day
+becoming an adult human being. We want men and women to develop into
+free agents, that is, people who act in accordance with the dictates
+of their own conscience and their best judgment. With this aim in
+view, how much emphasis should then be placed on the matter of
+obedience?
+
+Since the infant has no will, he must be guided by others for his
+own safety and for the development of his judgment. But we do not
+wish him to retain his habits of obedience to others long enough to
+deprive him of his independence of thought and action. The growing
+child must learn to repress his own many and conflicting impulses,
+and to select those that he learns to be best. But if he obeys
+always, he cannot acquire judgment and responsibility. He learns
+through obedience to value various kinds of authority, and
+eventually to choose his authorities; his final authority being his
+conscience or principle, not impulse or whim. He learns also by
+questioning the principle of obedience to persons, and comes to
+guide his conduct by principle or conscience, and not by custom or
+convention.
+
+We do not wish to train our children for submission, but for judgment
+and discernment. We must, therefore, respect the child's
+individuality. We are, however, not obliged to choose between blind,
+unquestioning obedience and the undignified situations which arise
+from habitual disobedience. Obedience to persons as a settled habit
+is bad. The ability to obey promptly and intelligently when the
+commander's authority is recognized,--to respond to suggestion and
+guidance,--is desirable. Obedience is a _tool_ the parent may use
+with wisdom and discretion. It is not an _end_ in discipline or in
+life.
+
+We should educate _through_ obedience,--that is, cultivate the
+habit of intelligent response,--but we must not educate _for_
+obedience,--that is, the habit of submitting to the will of others.
+
+
+
+
+VII.
+
+THE TRAINING OF THE WILL
+
+
+After all, what is there about a person that really counts? All
+experience and all philosophy agree that it is the character; and
+the central fact in character is the _will_. Yet the will is
+not something in the soul that exists by itself, as a "faculty" of
+the mind. The will is a product of all the other processes that go
+on in the mind, and can not be trained by itself. Neither can the
+will of the child be expected to come to its own through neglect.
+Indeed, although the will can not be trained by itself, its training
+is even more important than the training of the intellect. The great
+defect in our moral training has been that we have generally
+attempted to train our children too exclusively through precepts and
+mottoes and rules, and too little through activities that lead to
+the formation of habits. The will depends upon the intellect, but it
+cannot be trained through _learning_ alone, though learning can
+be made to help. There are, as we all know, only too many learned
+men and women with weak wills, and there are many men and women of
+strong character who have had but little book learning. The will
+expresses itself through action, and must be trained through action.
+But action is impelled by feelings, so the will must be trained also
+through the feelings. All right education is education of the will.
+The will is formed while the child is learning to think, to feel,
+and to do.
+
+We judge of character by the behavior. But our behavior is not made
+up entirely of acts of the will. Hundreds of situations occur that
+do not require individual decision, but are adequately met by acts
+arising from habit, or even from instinct. The experience of the
+race has given us many customs and manners which are for the most
+part satisfactory, and which the child should learn as a matter of
+course. It is thus important that the child should acquire certain
+habits as early in life as possible. These habits will not only
+result in saving of energy, but will also give assurance that in
+certain situations the child will act in the right way. If it is
+worth while to have a person knock on a door before entering an
+occupied room, or if it is worth while to have people look to the
+left and to the right before crossing a thoroughfare, the child can
+acquire the habit of doing these things always and everywhere
+without stopping to make a decision on each occasion.
+
+But we must remember that in guiding the child to the formation of
+these habits, example and practice are far more important than
+precepts and rules. Example is more important because the child is
+very imitative; one rude act on the part of some older member of the
+household will counteract the benefit of many verbal lessons in
+politeness. Practice is important because it is through constant
+repetition of an act that it at last becomes automatic, and is
+performed without thought or attention. In fact, this is the only
+way in which a habit can be formed. Having acquired habits about the
+common relations of life that do not call for new adjustment every
+time they are met, the mind is left free to apply itself to problems
+that really need special consideration. Imagine how wasteful it
+would be if we had to attend to every movement in dressing
+ourselves! You can easily see that there are a great many acts that
+bring us in relation to others and that should be as mechanical and
+automatic as dressing and undressing.
+
+It is when we pass from the routine acts which are repeated every
+day that we come to the field in which the will holds sway. There is
+nothing more helpful in the training of the will than the frequent
+performance of tasks requiring application, self control, and the
+making of decisions. The routine of fixed duties in a large and
+complex household furnished to our grandparents, during their youth,
+just the opportunity for the formation of habits in attending to
+what needed to be done, without regard to the momentary impulse or
+mood. Many of our modern homes are so devoid of such opportunities
+that there is great danger that our children will have altogether
+too much practice in following their whims and caprices--or in doing
+nothing.
+
+It is just because the modern home is so devoid of the opportunities
+for carrying on these character-building activities that provision
+must be made in that other great educational institution, the
+school. All the newer activities of the school, the shop work and
+the school garden, the domestic science and the sewing, the
+recreation centres, the art and the music--all these so-called "fads
+and frills" against which the taxpayer raises his voice in protest--
+these prove to be even more important in the making of men and women
+out of children than the respectable and acceptable subjects of the
+old-fashioned school; for these activities are but organized and
+planned substitutes for the incidental doings of the childhood of
+other days. They are the formal substitutes for the activities by
+means of which a past generation of men and women acquired that
+will-training and that insight into relations which distinguished
+their characters.
+
+[Illustration: Habits of careful work furnish a good foundation for
+the will.]
+
+All systematic and sustained effort, whether in organizing a game or
+carrying a garden through from the sowing to the harvest, whether in
+making a dress or a chest of drawers, has its moral value as
+training in application, self-control, and decision, quite distinct
+from its contribution to knowledge or skill.
+
+Two or three generations ago no thought whatever was given to the
+child's point of view; the authority of parents was absolute, and
+there were many unhappy childhoods. To-day we wish to avoid these
+errors, and by studying the child we hope to adjust our treatment to
+his nature and his needs.
+
+But we must be on our guard against the danger of going to the
+extreme of attributing to the child ideas and instincts which he
+does not possess. In former times it was considered one of the
+mother's chief duties to "break the child's will"; to-day, realizing
+the importance of a strong will, we are in danger of assuming that a
+child's stubbornness or wilfulness is a manifestation of a strong
+will, and we hesitate to interfere with it.
+
+This is an entirely false assumption. In the first place, a child up
+to the age of about three years has no will; he can only have strong
+desires or impulses, or pet aversions. During this period the
+mother's will must be his will, and there can be no clash of wills.
+But, to be his will, the mother must guide the child in accordance
+with _his_ needs, _his_ instincts,--that is, in accordance
+with his nature, and not in accordance with her convenience or
+caprice. She must bear constantly in mind that the child is not
+merely a miniature man or woman, but that each stage in his
+development represents a distinct combination of instincts, impulses
+and capacities. If, for example, your little girl is digging in the
+dirt--a very _natural_ and healthful activity--and you stop her
+for no better reason than that she will soil her hands or clothes,
+you are unduly interfering with her, and if you continue in that
+way, you will either make a defiant, disagreeable youngster or a
+servile, cringing slave to arbitrary authority. On the other hand,
+if Johnny should wish to play with a knife or a box of matches, it
+manifestly devolves upon you to take these objects away from him, no
+matter how strong his desire to have them may be. But it also
+devolves upon you to see that such harmful objects are not very easy
+for him to obtain and to see to it that plenty of other harmless
+things are provided for him.
+
+This suggests a common mistake parents and loving friends often make
+in meeting the uncomfortable assertions of the child's will. When
+the child cries for the moon, you try to get him interested in a
+jack-in-the-box; and when he wants a fragile piece of bric-a-brac--
+you try to substitute for it a tin whistle. With a very young child,
+that is about all you can do. But a time comes when the child is old
+enough to know the difference between that upon which he has set his
+heart and that which you have substituted for it in his hand. At
+this time you must stop offering substitutes. The child is now old
+enough to understand that some things are _not_ to be had, and
+that crying for them will not bring them. To offer him a substitute
+is now not only an insult to his intelligence, but it is
+demoralizing to his will; it makes for a loose hold upon the object
+of his desire--and it is the firmness of this hold that is the
+beginning of a strong will. It does not take the child long to learn
+that he is not to have a knife or a lighted lamp; nor does it take
+him long to get into the way of scattering his desires, so that he
+has no will at all.
+
+In the second place, the assumption that stubbornness is a sign of
+strength is false, even for older children. Stubbornness is, in
+fact, a sign of weakness. It indicates that the child is either
+incapable of adjusting himself to the appeal that is made to his
+judgment or feelings, or that his weakness will make it impossible
+for him in the presence of his immediate desire to recognize the
+superior judgment and authority of his elders, at home or in school.
+It takes much more will power to give in than to carry one's point.
+But we must always make sure that _we_ are not the obstinate
+and wilful ones. If you have a very good reason for not wanting
+Helen to go to the dance--even if she is too young to understand
+that reason--you are perfectly justified in carrying your point. If
+your reason is a wise one, she will come to see it in time and will
+honor and respect you all the more for not having given in to her
+impetuous and immature desire. If she gives in gracefully, because
+she can understand the reasons, or just out of respect for your
+wishes, having found your guidance wise before, hers as well as
+yours is the triumph. The only thing of which we must make sure is
+that we are right to the best of our understanding, and that we do
+not insist upon having our way just because,--oh, well, just because
+we have a right to have our way, being in authority. As G. Stanley
+Hall, the father of child study in this country, has so well said:
+"Our will should be a rock, not a wave; our requirements should be
+uniform, with no whim, no mood or periodicity about them." Having
+made sure of ourselves, we need not fear that training our wilful
+children will weaken their will.
+
+We must not neglect to consider the very close relation that exists
+between the health of the body and the health of the spirit. A
+strong will, showing itself in ability to concentrate its efforts on
+a chosen purpose, is not to be expected in a child whose muscles are
+flabby and whose nerves quickly tire. Since the will expresses
+itself in action, it can be best cultivated in a body capable of
+vigorous action.
+
+The young child is not only a bundle of bones and muscles; it is
+also a bundle of impulses. And some of these impulses lead to
+actions that are quite desirable, while others lead to actions that
+are indifferent, and still others to actions that are decidedly
+undesirable. But, so far as the child is concerned, he has no means
+of discriminating between one kind of impulse and another. He would
+just as soon carry poison to his mouth as good food; he would rather
+grasp at a flame than at a harmless rattle. One of the essentials
+then becomes suitable knowledge. As the child grows older he should
+gradually learn that knowledge is necessary to wise choice. It is
+not so much the knowledge of what is commonly called "good" or
+"evil" as the knowledge of relations and needs that will enable him
+to choose ends, and to choose effective means toward those ends. Yet
+we cannot begin too early to have such considerations as "It is
+right," or "It is best," rather than "I want it," influence the
+conduct of our children. But, in order to do the right, we have to
+_know_ the right, and the children who get these moral lessons
+in their homes are fortunate indeed. It is here the child should
+acquire his feeling of loyalty to duty, for such lessons learned in
+the home are the most impressive and the most enduring. We must also
+make certain that children all through their lives at home are given
+opportunity for choice and decision.
+
+In this matter of making decisions there is a great deal of
+individual variation, and even distinct types of persons have been
+described, according to the way they reach decisions. At one extreme
+is the child--or the grown person--who apparently without any effort
+balances the reasons that may be given on the opposite sides of a
+problem, and makes his choice solely on the strength of the reasoned
+argument. Herbert Spencer tells in his Autobiography how, when a
+young man, he wrote down, as in a ledger, all the advantages and all
+the disadvantages he could think of in regard to the married state.
+After checking off the items on the two sides of the account, he
+found a balance in favor of remaining single. Later in life he had
+his doubts as to whether the decision was a wise one, but it was the
+best he could make under the circumstances, for he made use of all
+the knowledge at his command and stood by his reasoned decision.
+
+At the opposite extreme is the person who resolves to do what is
+right (although he may have no systematic means of discovering what
+is right), and carries out his resolution at the cost of frequently
+painful effort. To such persons there is a kind of association
+between what is easy and what is wrong on the one hand, and between
+what is difficult and what is right on the other. Our early Puritans
+were men of this type, and there is much to admire in the sturdiness
+with which they crushed their impulses in the resolve to carry out
+their ideals of the right.
+
+Almost complete lack of will is shown by those who reach their
+decisions--by not reaching them. That is, there are those doubting,
+hesitating souls who postpone making a decision until action is
+forced upon them by some accidental event. These let other persons
+or the course of events make their decisions for them. There is such
+a delicate balancing of the desires--usually because all desires are
+equally weak--that none stands out to dominate the choice of a line
+of action. George wanted to go to the circus, and had saved enough
+from his weekly allowance; but he was saving up to buy a rifle, and
+he was undecided now as to whether he would go to the circus or add
+to his savings and get the rifle so much the sooner. The sight of
+some other boys on the way to the circus made the decision for him.
+This decision was not a reasoned one, but an accidental one.
+
+Similar in its weakness is the will that reaches no decisions except
+as the balance is upset by later impulses from within. The girl or
+boy who allows a slight headache or a tired feeling to make
+important decisions cannot be said to have much strength of
+character. On Saturday Mabel was to have gone on a steamboat
+excursion--or on a visit to a friend, to stay over night. When she
+went to sleep Friday night she had not yet made up her mind; but she
+finally went to visit her friend because she had over-slept and was
+too late to join the excursion party.
+
+Children that have not acquired habits of making definite decisions
+will find themselves badly adrift when they reach the adolescent
+period, with its rapid changes of mood and the masses of frequently
+conflicting impulses. To be able to restrain each impulse to action
+as it arises, and to hold it in abeyance until all the alternatives
+have been canvassed, is a power that comes only after years of
+thought and practice.
+
+However, it is not enough to be able to refrain from doing what one
+is impelled to do. Many mothers think that they are training the
+child's will when they prohibit the taking or handling of various
+things about the house. It is true that the child should learn when
+quite young to avoid certain objects. But if the prohibitions are
+too general the child will be frequently tempted to break the rules,
+and then he will fall in his own esteem; or he will observe the rule
+and have too little outlet for his activity and initiative. The will
+does not thrive on what the child is _prevented_ from doing,
+but on what the child _actually does do_.
+
+The child's need is for practice in doing and in choosing what he
+will do. When activities or games are suggested to a younger child,
+it is best to give him a choice of two or three. When the children
+are older they can be consulted about the purchase of their clothes,
+and they ought gradually to assume their share--a small one at
+first--of the responsibility of the household. As early as possible
+they should have their own money to spend, as in no other way can
+they learn the use of judgment and decision in the spending of
+money. In the households wherein children do not have such
+opportunities, but in which the parents rule everything with a high
+hand, the children grow up very inefficient in managing their time
+and their money; they have become accustomed to being ruled and
+flounder helplessly when called upon to decide for themselves.
+
+The will, which is at the heart of moral conduct and which is so
+much in need of training, cannot, as we have seen, be trained as a
+thing by itself. All training and all education must contribute to
+the training of the will. Still, there are some definite points that
+we can profitably keep in mind when we are concerned with the
+child's will:
+
+First of all comes sound bodily health.
+
+Then there must be sound habits for most of the everyday activities,
+that the will may not be dissipated upon trivial matters, and that
+the common duties and virtues may be assured.
+
+There must be constant practice in sustained effort and
+concentration upon useful tasks, in order to fix the habit of
+holding the attention upon the chosen purpose.
+
+We must not confuse wilfulness with strength of will; and, finally,
+
+There must be constant opportunity for making decisions that the
+child may feel responsibility in making of decisions as the highest
+type of conduct.
+
+
+
+
+VIII.
+
+HOW CHILDREN REASON
+
+
+"Those children will not listen to reason," said a friend whom I
+discovered in an agitated state of mind one afternoon, when I came
+to make a call; and she was by no means the first to make this
+observation. Indeed, it is one of the characteristics of children
+that they will not listen to reason,--that is, _our_ reason.
+Which is not, however, saying anything against the children's good
+sense, for people with much more experience have refused to listen
+to reason--the children's reason.
+
+Margaret told me her troubles. Her sister had rented a farm near the
+city for the summer and had offered to let Walter spend his vacation
+with her in exchange for such bits of help as he was able to render.
+But Walter had made up his mind to go to work in an office that
+summer, and, although he loved the country and had always wanted to
+drive a horse and go fishing, his mother's attempts to convince him
+of the wisdom of her choice were without avail. He would not listen
+to her reasons. She pointed to the health argument, to the
+opportunities for play, the free time, the driving, the fishing, and
+the fruit without limit. Knowing Walter as I did, I could not
+understand why it was so hard to convince him.
+
+But every story has at least two sides to it, and of this story I
+had heard only one. The mother was so concerned with giving her son
+her good reasons for going to the country that she never even
+thought of finding out his equally good reasons for going to the
+office. Presently, however, Walter came in, and my first leading
+question brought out the true secret of the disagreement.
+
+"What is there about working in an office," I asked the boy, "that
+you care so much about?"
+
+"Oh, it isn't working in an office that I care about; I just want to
+earn some money. I never did make any money myself, and now I have a
+good chance and mother won't let me."
+
+This was really too simple; here two sane persons had spent several
+days on the problem without coming to any solution. By placing
+Walter's services on the farm on a financial basis and making him
+pay for his board he managed to spend his vacation, healthfully and
+happily and profitably in every sense; and everybody was satisfied.
+
+Over and over again we are impressed with the fact that most
+disagreements between people--whether between adults or between
+children, or between children and adults--are due to misunderstandings.
+As soon as parents resolve not to treat their children arbitrarily,--
+that is, on the basis of their superior strength and authority,--they
+adopt a plan of "reasoning" with them. This plan might work very well,
+if the parents only understood the children's way of reasoning, if
+they but realized that the child does not reason as do adults, that he
+reasons differently in each stage of his development.
+
+Our manner of reasoning depends very closely upon our language. But
+every significant word that we use has a distinct meaning in the
+mind of the individual, depending altogether upon his experience. As
+the experience of the child is very meagre, compared to that of the
+grown-up person, it is no wonder that our everyday remarks are
+constant sources of misunderstanding to children.
+
+The little girl who had been frequently reproved for not using her
+_right_ hand came to have a positive dislike for her other
+hand, which she naturally understood to be _wrong_ hand, and
+she did not wish to have anything wrong about her person. A boy was
+trying to tell his sister the meaning of "homesick." "You know how
+it feels to be seasick, don't you? Well, it's the same way, only
+it's at home."
+
+Children are apt to attach to a word the first meaning that they
+learn in connection with it. Only with the increase of experience
+can a word come to have more than one meaning. Moreover, the child
+will apply what he hears with fatal exactness and literalness.
+
+Two little girls were at a party and the older one found occasion to
+slap her sister's hand. The hostess reproved her for this, whereupon
+the little girl asked, "Isn't she my own sister?" The hostess had to
+admit that she was. "Well, I heard papa say that he can do what he
+likes with his own."
+
+Doing what we like with our own meant to the child exactly what the
+words said, without those qualifications which we naturally put in
+because of our greater experience.
+
+Children learn with wonder that mother was once a baby, and that
+father was once a baby, and so on. Dr. Sully tells of the little
+girl who asked her mother, "When everybody was a baby, then who
+could be the nurse if they were all babies?" Thus shows real
+reasoning power; it was not the child's fault that she had no
+historical perspective, and so could not see the babyhoods of
+different people in their proper relations in time.
+
+A little boy who was beginning to read deciphered a sign in a
+grocery store, "Families supplied." He asked his mother whether they
+could not get a new baby there.
+
+When Herbert was passing through the scissors stage he cut a hole in
+his father's coat. The father scolded him for spoiling his suit;
+Herbert calmly replied, "I did not cut your suit; I only cut the
+coat." He resented this accusation, which in his mind was not merely
+an exaggeration, but entirely false, since a suit is a suit and a
+coat is a coat.
+
+A little girl, while out with her nurse and brother, got lost by
+separating herself from the nurse's side. When she was at last found
+she was reprimanded for running away from the nurse. She felt that
+she was being unjustly treated, for she said, "I did not run away; I
+only _stood_ away," meaning, she had stepped around the corner
+to look in a window. If she had been scolded for getting out of
+sight of the nurse, she would have felt justly reproved; but,
+accused of doing something she never did and never thought of
+doing,--that is, running away,--she naturally resented this.
+
+Those who have to deal with children in an intimate way cannot be
+too scrupulous about how they use their words.
+
+The logic of children often appears to us all wrong until we take
+the trouble to see how they come to their queer conclusions.
+
+The story is told of a boy who was sent to the circus in the
+neighboring town by his uncle, who gave him an additional quarter
+"so you can ride back in case it rains." Well, it did rain, and
+Howard came back riding on the top seat, next to the driver, wet to
+the skin. Now, any grown-up person knows why he was to ride back "in
+case it rains"; but to Howard the association of ideas was directly
+between raining and riding, and not between riding and coming home
+dry.
+
+This illustrates a very common difference between the reasoning of
+children and that of adults. We _select_ ideas from a situation
+and combine them and come to conclusions. The child combines ideas,
+but he does not make any selection, and the simple explanation for
+this lies in the fact that the child has not enough experience to
+enable him to select what is significant. Thus a little girl, who
+had been too boisterous in her play, was called in by her mother and
+made to sit quietly in a chair for about ten minutes. At the end of
+this time her mother asked her whether she would "be good now." The
+child promised that she would, and was told that she might then go
+out to play again. As she arose she affectionately turned to the
+chair and said, "Thank you, dear chair, for making me so good."
+Having been declared "good" after sitting in the chair, she
+attributed the beneficent change in her behavior to the chair; and,
+being a polite little girl, she thanked the chair.
+
+Very often these simple types of reasoning have their humorous
+aspects and we do not take them seriously. One winter a little boy
+who had always gone to bed regularly (he was four and a half years
+old then) began to call for some one to come to him after he was
+supposed to be asleep. He wanted to sit up and play, he wanted to
+get dressed, and he wanted something more to eat. This continued for
+several evenings, and it seemed impossible to get him back into his
+good habits. At last he was asked, "_Why_ do you want to get up
+now?" and he answered at once, "Because it is winter now."
+
+"Yes, it is winter now, but it is time for you to be asleep," he was
+told.
+
+"But it says in the book that I must get up," he insisted.
+
+"Which book?"
+
+"I will show you," and he took from his shelf a copy of Stevenson's
+"Garden of Verses," and turned to the picture opposite the poem that
+begins:
+
+In winter I get up at night
+And dress by yellow candle light.
+
+To him this meant that in winter, after going to bed, _at
+night_, one must get up and dress. It is very likely many
+children who have had this delightful poem read to them have
+interpreted it in the same way, but probably very few parents have
+taken the pains to trace their children's unaccountable
+"misbehavior" at bedtime to such a source.
+
+This same poem produced in another child quite a different train of
+reasoning, for "Why did the little girl get up at night and sleep in
+the daytime?" he asked, "Was she a trained nurse?" It then became
+necessary to recall that an aunt of the child's, who _was_ a
+trained nurse, often slept at home during the day, after having
+worked with some patient at night.
+
+There is no doubt that many of the crotchets and "perversities" of a
+child have their origin in chains of reasoning that are perfectly
+legitimate, in view of the past experiences of the young mind,
+although not in harmony with the reasoning of more mature minds. The
+parent spends much time and energy, and much heartburning,
+sometimes, to overcome these whims. What is needed is a patient and
+sympathetic attempt to discover how the child has come to his queer
+ideas and desires.
+
+The annoyance that children cause us with their questionings is due
+very largely to the fact that we cannot answer their questions,
+since the reasoning that prompts them is too searching. A little boy
+shocked and vexed his grandmother, who was trying to teach him the
+elements of theology, by asking "Who made God?" It is very likely
+that every normal child has asked the same question in one form or
+another. This attempt to reach back to the very beginning of causes
+resembles in many ways the speculations of the mediaeval
+metaphysicians, and should certainly not be discouraged. We need
+not, on the other hand, make the effort to answer every question a
+child may ask, for at a certain stage in his development he will get
+the habit of asking questions without really caring for the answers.
+But the questions are worth hearing, in most cases, just to help us
+understand how the child _does_ reason. Some of the questions
+indicate a great deal of reasoning of a very valuable kind. When the
+little boy asks, "Why don't I see two things with my two eyes?" or
+when the little girl looks up from her dolls and asks, "Am I real,
+or just pretend, like my doll?" they show that they have been
+thinking. When a child has passed through the metaphysical stage of
+reasoning, he will be more interested in animals and other objects
+of Nature; and his questions will have to do more with the operation
+of processes--how he grows, and how fishes breathe in the water, and
+how birds fly. Later, he wants to know how things work, what makes
+the locomotive go, how the noise goes through the telephone, how the
+incubator makes chickens come out of eggs. The reasoning of the
+child may lead to weird conclusions, but it is real reasoning, and
+can be improved not by being ridiculed, nor by being suppressed, but
+by being sympathetically understood and encouraged.
+
+Perhaps the most serious phase of the peculiarities of children's
+reasoning appears with older children when it comes to reasoning
+about right and wrong conduct. Professor Swift, of Washington
+University, has made a careful study of this subject, from replies
+given by many men to questions about their ideas as boys. It seems
+that men who are irreproachable in their moral standards pass
+through a stage in which they consider it legitimate fun to rob
+orchards or to commit petty thefts.
+
+Children draw fine distinctions between _wrong_ acts and acts
+that are _not very wrong_, though they may not be _quite
+right_. One man says, "I distinguished between _taking money_,
+_real stealing_, and _taking fruit_." Another says of fruit
+taking, "I only partly regarded it as stealing." One man writes,
+"When a close-fisted employer refused to let me have my clothes at
+cost, I pocketed enough of his change to bring my clothes down to
+the cost mark." Few regarded taking money from their parents as
+"very bad," and distinguished between such stealing and taking money
+from strangers.
+
+A boy of fifteen was reproved for holding his ear to the keyhole of
+a room in which his mother and sisters were having an animated
+discussion. The appellation "eavesdropper" did not disconcert him in
+the least. On the contrary, he undertook to justify his conduct on
+the ground that he was being discussed, and as he had no
+"dictagraph" he was obliged to do the listening in person. The fact
+that the dictagraph had been so frequently used for getting
+information that was later used in court was to him a sufficient
+justification of his conduct.
+
+It is well known that all children pass through the stage
+illustrated by these cases, in which they have the savage's
+conception of right and wrong. For most children the difference
+between going to the reformatory or jail and turning out decent men
+and women is one of wholesome and sympathetic environment. Undue
+severity, no less than bad example, confirms many a youth in these
+habits--which should represent but a passing stage in his
+development.
+
+Adults should not read their own ideas of morality into the acts of
+their children and then catalogue them as right or wrong. Most
+children's acts are neither right nor wrong: they are merely
+expressions of feelings and ideas peculiar to the stage of
+development. With young children ideas of right and wrong divide
+themselves into acts which are permitted and those which are
+forbidden. They have no conception of right and wrong beyond that.
+
+Many an act that a boy commits, which we consider wrong, is but the
+expression of the instincts of his age. Our duty consists in helping
+him to pass through that stage without making permanent habits of
+these temporary impulses. This help must not be given through
+branding the acts as wicked or criminal, nor is moralizing itself
+generally effective. Help must come through providing adequate
+opportunities for play and games and work that will use up surplus
+energy both of mind and body. Above all, help must come through the
+healthy examples and the constant manifestation of high ideals in
+the home.
+
+Every normal child will in time respond to these influences. There
+are, unfortunately, some children that will not develop beyond this
+stage of primitive, savage instincts; but such abnormal children are
+rare and we cannot deal with them here.
+
+With the problem of reasoning, then, as with all other aspects of
+child training, it is a question of understanding, of being in close
+relations with one's children, and being able to fathom the workings
+of their minds.
+
+
+
+
+IX.
+
+WORK AND PLAY
+
+
+All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. And it is this same lack
+of play that produces so many dull men and women; for the spirit of
+play is the spirit of youth and spontaneity and joy. Yet work and
+play have so much in common that it seems unfortunate indeed that
+all of us have not learned to retain our youth when work becomes
+necessary.
+
+I trust that there are few to-day who still believe that play is
+wicked. If we desire our children to grow up into healthy and joyful
+and moral men and women, then must we consider play a necessity of
+life. For play is more than merely a pleasant means for passing the
+time; it is a school of life, it is a means for physical, mental,
+and moral education.
+
+The young child, before he is old enough to play horse, or to
+imitate other activities he sees going on around him, gets his play
+from handling a rattle or a ball, from random movements of his legs
+and arms, or from playing with his fingers and his toes. He derives
+satisfaction from the sensations of touch and sight and sound, as
+well as from the feeling of freedom and the sensation of his active
+muscles. But this infantile play is not only satisfying to the
+child; it is a means for learning the use of his little hands and
+arms and legs. When the baby learns to crawl, and later to walk, he
+derives pleasure from the exercise of his newly-acquired arts, and
+at the same time attains perfection in the use of his limbs and in
+the correlation of his muscles. He is also gaining strength with his
+growth, for these muscles will not gain in strength unless they are
+exercised. Of course, the child does not know about these advantages
+of play; but the mother should know and give the growing child every
+opportunity to exercise himself in every possible way; for thus
+alone can he gain in strength, in endurance, and in confidence.
+
+When the child is a little older his play takes on new forms, for he
+is now deliberately _making_ things: the chairs become wagons
+and animals, the corner of the room may be made into a lake, a
+pencil or a button-hook is quite long enough for a fishing pole, and
+a handful of beans may be converted into all kinds of merchandise,
+coins for barter, a flock of birds, or seaside pebbles. That is, as
+the child's experience broadens, he finds more to imitate, he
+exercises his imagination more, and combines into more complex plays
+the materials he finds about him. But all the time the child is
+_working_, as much so as an artisan at his task; and all the
+time the child is _learning_, more rapidly probably than if he
+were at school; and all the time the child is _playing_, that
+is, enjoying the outlet of his impulses.
+
+[Illustration: Work is play.]
+
+Play has been called the ideal type of exercise, because it is the
+kind of exercise that occupies the whole child, his mental as well
+as his physical side--and later, also, the moral side. In play the
+exercise is regulated by the interests, so that, while there may be
+extreme exertion, there is not the same danger of overstrain as is
+possible with work that he is forced to do. In play the exercise is
+carried on with freedom of the spirit, so that the flow of blood and
+the feeling of exhilaration make for health.
+
+When children begin to play at work their activities are not
+entirely imitative, although the kind of work they choose will be
+determined by the kinds of activities that go on about them. The
+child has real interests in work; and these should be encouraged and
+cultivated. The chief interest is, perhaps, the growing sense of
+mastery over the materials which the child uses. He can make blocks
+take on any form he pleases; although the first houses he tries to
+build are apt to be just a random piling of his material, there
+follows a growing deliberation and planning, so that he comes at
+last to make what he has _intended_ to make, and not merely
+produce an accidental result.
+
+The earlier plays of the child are not at all in the nature of
+games; there is not at first the need for a companion. There is no
+special order in which the various acts of his play have to be
+carried out. When he plays horse on a stick, or is a parade all by
+himself, or plays house in the corner, a few simple movements are
+repeated until the child is tired of them, or until something occurs
+to shift his interest. Nor is there in these early plays a special
+point that marks the end of the interest. In games, however, these
+three factors are always present: it takes two or more to play a
+game; there is a definite order or succession of events, and there
+is a definite finish or climax. And as we watch the children at
+their games we can see their whole mental and moral development
+unfold before us, for nothing is more characteristic of a child's
+stage of development than the games in which he is interested.
+
+While we are content to let the younger children play as much as
+they like--because very often the more they play, the less they
+annoy us--we are all inclined to expect of the older children an
+increasing share of work and a declining interest in play. Some of
+us are even inclined to discourage the play instinct as the children
+grow older, because we have come to think of play as something not
+only frivolous and useless, but even a harmful waste of time. Now,
+the educational value of play keeps pace with the development of the
+child. That is to say, the child outgrows interest in games about as
+fast as these lose their educational value. The new games that the
+child takes up year after year always have something new to teach
+him.
+
+[Illustration: Let them romp in winter as well as in summer.]
+
+The plays of the early period develop his sense perceptions, they
+give practice in seeing and hearing and touching with quick
+discernment. Then for four or five years play gives increased
+mastery of the child's own body, and over the objects and materials
+with which he plays. Running and jumping are for skill and for
+speed; the competitive instincts drive each to do the best he can
+for himself. Later the games give exercise in the adjustment of the
+child not only to his material surroundings, but also to other
+children; in other words, he learns to take his place among other
+human beings. From the games in which the children take their turns
+at some activity the timid child learns that he has equal rights
+with others, and acquires self-confidence; whereas the child
+disposed to be overbearing learns the equally necessary lesson that
+others have rights which he must respect. Every child learns from
+these games how to be a good loser as well as how to be a good
+winner. Just those qualities that make an adult an agreeable
+associate in business or in social dealings are brought out by these
+games as they can be by no ordinary form of work which the children
+have a chance to do.
+
+It is only in very recent times that we have begun to notice that
+the work required of the children in the schools is of a kind that
+either ignores the development of the social instincts or actually
+hinders them, so that the moral or social effect of successful
+school work is frequently very undesirable. When a child is set to
+do some work by himself, even if the work is not too difficult for
+him, there is no exercise for the social instinct, and the work must
+be very interesting indeed to hold his continued attention. As the
+child grows older there is increasing need for social stimulation of
+the cooperative kind and less of the emulative kind. Where the
+experiment has been tried of having the children approach their
+school work as they approach a game, with the feeling of getting at
+an interesting goal, with opportunities for each to do his best for
+the whole group and to help the others, the work becomes as
+interesting as a game, and acquires the same educational value as a
+good game well played. In the home we might often get the necessary
+work done with more expedition and with better spirit if we
+recognized the child's need of constant outlet for his emotions, and
+if we recognized the depressing effect of routine and solitude and
+monotony. One of the chief reasons why working girls prefer to go to
+shops and factories, as against domestic service, lies just in this
+natural instinct for society. The work of the household has much
+more variety than the work of a factory; but most of it has to be
+done in solitude, without the stimulation that comes from the
+companionship of others doing the same thing, or at least working
+within reach of the voice.
+
+[Illustration: In their games they should learn to lose as well as
+to win.]
+
+The truly wonderful transformations in character that have been
+worked in girls and in boys by means of well-organized play have
+taught us the moral value of team-work for the older children. In
+these games, which come at a period when the child has already
+acquired considerable skill and strength, the chief interest is in
+doing the best for the team, so that the individual learns the
+importance of subordinating himself to a common purpose. He learns
+the joy of contributing his best to his "side" without considering
+his individual glory or gains. In this way he acquires that negative
+but very important side of self-control which consists in the
+ability to _avoid_ doing what the impulse would drive him to.
+He learns also the importance of dreary drudgery, in his practice
+work, for acquiring special skill, and a boy will spend hours in
+such dull practice, animated by the desire not to excel some other
+individual, but by the desire to help his team win. He learns not
+only to take his place in the game, but to judge his companions by
+their special ability and by their value to the group, rather than
+by clothes or personal feelings or other outward and incidental
+facts. All these things the team game teaches as no mere
+_instruction_, whether in school or home, can teach.
+
+We have learned from the results of these play activities with all
+kinds of children in the city and in the country, of rich and of
+poor, that the spirit of the game is not only capable of stimulating
+the growing boy and girl to a tremendous amount of exertion, but
+also of organizing his or her feelings and ideals into effective
+moral and social standards. And when the same spirit is applied to
+work, we can get the same valuable educative results, with the
+addition of a higher appreciation of work as work than usually comes
+from an early experience with doing necessary but disagreeable
+tasks. For example, in one city the shop work of classes of boys was
+organized on a cooperative basis. The boys worked in teams for the
+making of desks or cabinets. The results, as measured by finished
+product or by the quality of the workmanship, were far ahead of what
+the same instructors could get from the same boys when the attempt
+was made to stimulate the workers by means of prizes and individual
+rewards. Children can learn to work together as well as to play
+together. If you have noticed that two workers very often do half as
+much work in a given time as one worker, it is because they have not
+learned to work together--they have been denied the opportunity of
+learning this, and now take occasion, when they do get together, to
+do almost everything but work.
+
+There are many opportunities in the ordinary household to teach
+girls and boys to do useful work in a spirit very similar to that
+which they put into their games. It may not be possible to make all
+the necessary work as interesting as games, but the remoter purpose
+of the work, whether it is to accomplish something whose need is
+recognized by the child, or the hope of some reward, should make for
+close attention to the task in hand. For example, after a certain
+age, sweeping and other household tasks lose their play interest;
+but if the girl has become skilful enough to do the sweeping without
+tiring, her recognition of the necessity of the work or her thought
+of what she wants to do when the task is accomplished should make it
+possible to get through with this work without a feeling of
+hardship. Some educators approve of allotting definite tasks to the
+girls and boys, and compensating them in definite amounts. This
+gives them not only a measure of the value of their service, but
+makes them feel the responsibility of each contributing toward the
+maintenance of the establishment. The main thing is that the
+children shall not look upon work as a cruel imposition; and to this
+end we should develop the spirit of helpfulness and cooperation--and
+to transfer this spirit, already developed in play, to the work that
+has to be accomplished.
+
+One form of the expression of the play instinct has come lately to
+arouse a great deal of public interest, and that is the dance. Books
+have been written about the history of the dance, the esthetics of
+the dance, the technique of the dance, the symbolism of the dance,
+and many other aspects. What concerns the parent chiefly is to know
+that the dance is at once a healthful exercise, an important aid to
+social adjustment, and a valuable safety-valve for the emotions.
+
+With the rapid growth of our cities we have come suddenly to realize
+that nearly half of the nation's children have no _place_ in
+which to play, since the open fields and vacant lots have been
+invaded by warehouses and factories and tenements. And so the
+playground movement has gained rapid headway. Playgrounds have been
+established, and placed in charge of competent and enthusiastic
+leaders, who are teaching the children something they never should
+have unlearned. But at the same time we are coming to realize that
+the children in the country and in small towns, although they have
+plenty of space, have not really had the opportunity to get the most
+out of their play activities. It would seem that even the instinct
+of play can be made to work to better purpose when it is
+intelligently directed. It is our duty, then, to provide not only
+play space and play time, but also play material and, where
+possible, play direction. It is our further duty to keep alive in
+ourselves, as far as possible, the spirit of play; for there is no
+one thing that will do so much to keep us young and in sympathy with
+our children as the ability to play as they play, and to play with
+them.
+
+Excepting only the infant when playing with his fingers and toes, the
+child must play with some _person_ or with some _thing_. The selection
+of suitable toys becomes a more serious problem than is commonly
+realized, when we once recognize the great influence of play upon the
+child.
+
+Stepping into the toy shop, we are confronted by a multitude of
+objects, the variety and quantity of which are distracting.
+Everything that the ingenuity of man could devise is here presented
+to our astonished eyes, and children gaze upon the great spectacle
+and are delighted. If we go to the store just to be amused or to buy
+_something_, a very indefinite something for a child of a
+certain age, we are quickly satisfied. But if we have in our mind
+some idea as to what is really good for the child who is to receive
+the gift, it is just as hard to find the right thing to-day in the
+immense, up-to-date toy store as in the little general store that
+"also keeps toys." The manufacture of toys has grown to a tremendous
+industry, but with no ideal behind it, no guiding educational
+principle. Toys are made to sell,--having fulfilled that function
+the manufacturer is not further concerned. Consequently, toys are
+made to attract the eye; durability, use, and need from the child's
+point of view are rarely considered.
+
+In selecting toys we must not consider what would amuse or entertain
+its, but solely the child's need, and this need will differ at the
+various stages in his development.
+
+[Illustration: Don't forget how to play with the children.]
+
+For the little child who has no skill, we want to get toys that
+exercise the large muscles; he should have blocks that are large. It
+is a common mistake to suppose small toys are suitable for small
+children; within certain limits just the opposite is true.
+
+Young children can also use toys that merely need to be manipulated
+without having much significance. Things that can be taken apart and
+put together are enjoyed and are very instructive.
+
+A child should get from his toys a bare suggestion of the object,
+and not a lifelike representation that will be of interest to the
+critical adult. Refinement of finish and realistic representation
+are entirely wasted on the child. A massive wooden dog or bird is
+better than a furry or feathery one. It is enough of a dog or bird,
+so far as the child is concerned, and if it can stand rough
+handling, so much the better. For the little boy or girl an animal
+that can stand up or be drawn about by a string is quite
+satisfactory; but before the age of three years is reached the
+animal must have movable parts, so that it may be put into various
+positions, be made "to do things."
+
+At about three years of age the child also comes more and more to
+see things in relation to each other and no longer as isolated
+objects. At this time, if he has a cow, he wants also a stable in
+which to keep her, the doll calls for a carriage and bed, and so on.
+This is something to keep in mind in planning our purchases.
+
+Children like to reproduce in their plays the processes which they
+see going on around them or about which they hear. This is in a way
+their preparation for the activities of adult life. If the little
+boy or girl wants to play farm, or menagerie, or laundry, or grocery
+store, it is not necessary to buy the whole outfit at once. The
+child will probably not be ready for it, and if he gets more than he
+can comfortably use, he will be overwhelmed and many objects are
+likely to be neglected.
+
+Let us say, for instance, that your little boy has received a
+milk-cart and horse for his birthday and he has exhausted the
+possibilities of play with them. Now here is Christmas, and you can
+give him or make him a nice, substantial barn and someone else can
+give him a cow. Immediately the possibilities for play are greatly
+multiplied. He can take the cow to pasture, bring her into the barn to
+be milked, take the milk to market and store away hay for the winter,
+and so on indefinitely. In time he can have a well-equipped barnyard,
+build pig-sties and chicken-coops with his blocks, and spend many
+happy and instructive hours. A great advantage in having toys grouped
+about some central idea is that several children can play at the same
+time and each particular toy stays in use much longer than it would
+otherwise.
+
+I have spoken of your little boy as the manager of the toy farm, but
+in these days, when women are entering every profession, there is no
+reason to suppose that it is not your little girl who will need
+those things. Still, although we know that, in spite of traditions,
+little boys like to play with dolls and little girls like to play
+with other things, we shall, for the sake of convenience, stick to
+the traditions and discuss the little girl in connection with dolls.
+
+There is nothing that will give your little daughter greater
+pleasure and at the same time be more instructive than an
+opportunity to run a whole doll house. By this I do not mean the
+elaborate constructions that are sold in the large shops under that
+name. No, a packing case, painted and divided into four parts, will
+serve the purpose far better. Gradually the different rooms can be
+furnished, and in the meantime there is plenty of fun and much
+development in trying to maintain the family of dolls under pioneer
+conditions, calling for all sorts of clever makeshifts.
+
+There are numberless things that will go to make up the little
+girl's doll house, and her activities can be extended over the
+entire period during which she cares to play with dolls. At first
+she will be satisfied with handling her baby and putting her to
+sleep. Later she will want to dress and undress it. Before long she
+will have a whole family of dolls and will want to prepare their
+meals for them, sew and wash their clothes, and keep the house in
+order. These growing needs on her part are just as real as the needs
+adults feel, and it would be just as unwise to get her a new doll,
+when she needs most of all a wash-boiler for her kitchen, as it
+would be to buy for yourself a picture, when you really need a pair
+of new spectacles.
+
+All the different articles needed for the running of the doll's
+house can now be bought separately. In buying the different
+articles, the things to keep in mind are usability, simplicity, and
+durability. The furniture that you buy or make must be able to serve
+the ostensible purpose of doll's furniture. It is better to get one
+chair that is of the right size for the doll, well proportioned and
+strong enough to stand the handling of the owner, than a whole set
+of "pretty" and flimsy and useless furniture that you can buy in a
+gay box for the same price.
+
+Of course, it is understood that the principles of usability,
+simplicity, and durability apply to the dolls themselves. It is now
+easy to obtain dolls with indestructible heads and with jointed
+bodies made of durable material. The little baby will love the doll
+with a felt head. It can stand being loved hard without losing some
+of its features. To give a little girl a doll that is so finely
+dressed and so daintily constructed that she is permitted to come
+out of her box only on state occasions is a violation of every sound
+principle of child training and fair dealing.
+
+I have mentioned, as examples of the kind of toys that can be bought
+singly and grouped about some central idea, the farm and the doll's
+house, but, of course, there are many other things--railroads with
+their equipment, dairies, stores of all kinds, etc.
+
+Besides the toys that are related to various lines of activity, each
+child, as soon as he is old enough, wants the opportunity to work
+with materials and tools. The youngest children can have beads to
+string, mosaic blocks with which patterns can be made, etc. For the
+older children you can get materials for sewing, painting, parquetry
+work, and the like. There are boxes containing wooden and iron
+construction strips out of which bridges, houses, airships, and all
+sorts of exciting things can be made.
+
+For the growing boy nothing is more appropriate than some carpentry
+tools of his own. Here again we must remember that it is better to
+buy a few good tools and gradually build up an equipment than to buy
+a set that looks well enough in the store, but goes to pieces under
+real usage.
+
+A printing-press or well-constructed toy typewriter, a camera or
+scroll saw, will afford hours of helpful amusement and instruction.
+
+Musical instruments are always acceptable. The metalophone is one of
+the simplest from which you can get real music. The cheapest is just
+as usable as the more expensive, although, of course, it does not
+have so wide a range of notes.
+
+It is impossible to enumerate all the indoor group games that are
+offered, but in selecting a game you must make sure that it really
+has some sense in it, and that it does not stimulate the gambling
+spirit, as do so many of the games with dice or a spinning wheel as
+a part of the equipment.
+
+All toys that encourage healthy outdoor sports are worth while. A
+great deal of the progress in toy-making has been along mechanical
+lines, until we are confronted with the most intricate mechanical
+contrivances. They are interesting at an exhibition, and most likely
+the child will be attracted by them and will want them, but only to
+look at and own. He will tire of them much more quickly than he
+would of the simple, usable toy. In this respect the children of the
+rich are to be pitied. They are overloaded with these expensive,
+mechanical toys which overstimulate them at first and later bore
+them. The educative value of simple games with sticks and stones, or
+anything the child may happen to pick up, is far greater and calls
+for more exercise of imagination and ingenuity and the other
+qualities we desire to foster than is that of the elaborate
+mechanical toys.
+
+It would be very desirable if all the skill and enterprise that is
+devoted to the development of the toy industry were applied to
+making toys simpler, more durable, and cheaper, instead of making
+them more elaborate, more realistic, and more flimsy. However, the
+desirable kinds of toys will not be manufactured in larger
+quantities until an enlightened parenthood both demands them and
+refuses to buy the glittering heart-breakers that look so charming
+in the shop, but go to pieces in the child's hands.
+
+It is far better to have fewer and better toys than more of an
+inferior quality. The thing to keep in mind is that a toy is neither
+an artistic model, an aesthetic ornament, nor a mechanical
+spectacle, but should be a stimulus to call forth self-activity,
+invention, ingenuity, imagination, and skill.
+
+
+
+
+X.
+
+CHILDREN'S GANGS, CLUBS, AND FRIENDSHIPS
+
+
+"What a plague boys are!" sighed Mrs. Brown. "That White boy has
+been getting our Harry into all sorts of mischief, and I can't make
+Harry give up that gang."
+
+Mrs. Green agreed that boys were a plague. Her Jack went with a lot
+of boys, too, and they were always up to some sort of tricks which
+she was quite sure _her_ boy would never do if it were not for
+those other boys. And Mrs. Green was right. Any boy will do things
+when he is with the gang that he never would think of doing alone--
+and that he wouldn't dare to do alone, if he did think of them. Even
+your boy--and mine, too, I hope. That's the way of boys.
+
+What we mothers will have to do is to stop fretting about the other
+boys in the gang who spoil our boys, and about the mischief and
+noise and dirty boots and staying away late for meals, and get down
+to a practical way of making all the boys in the gang as we find
+them into a lot of decent young men. We shall have to stop trying to
+make boys do what it is impossible for them to do; and we shall have
+to stop trying to keep the boys from doing what it is absolutely
+necessary that they should do, if they are to develop into the
+decent young men we have in mind.
+
+The modern way, the efficient way, of treating children is to find
+out their instincts and then use these almost irresistible forces of
+nature as a means of directing their development. And that is what
+we shall have to do with the boy and his gang, and that is what we
+shall have to do with the girl and her set. The boy is a more
+serious problem because, under the promptings of his instincts, he
+soon becomes indifferent to the attractions and amusements of the
+home and seeks the companionship of boys of his own age, and he
+seeks activities that cannot, for the most part, be carried on in
+the home. The girl, on the other hand, remains much longer subject
+to the will of her mother and to the conventions and standards of
+the home; she remains for a longer period satisfied with the kinds
+of activities that can be carried on at home.
+
+We have been told over and over again that the instincts of
+childhood are all for activity, and a few of us have trained
+ourselves not to expect the children to _be still_ all the
+time. Of course, there are times when we simply must have them be
+still, and, of course, we allow the teachers to insist upon the
+children being still in school. But we recognize that they must play
+and romp and run and shout, and we are willing even to spend public
+funds for playgrounds. This shows that we can learn, and that we can
+make use of our knowledge. It is necessary only that we extend our
+knowledge of the instincts of our children just as fast as we can
+make use of more.
+
+Up to the age of about ten, boys are apparently satisfied to play
+games by themselves, or to play with others in ways that let each
+look out pretty much for himself. At this age, however, a change
+begins to appear. Now the boy tends to associate himself with others
+of the same age, and before you know it your son "belongs" to some
+"gang." Every street in a town and every corner in a city has its
+gang. And if your boy has red blood and hard grit in him, he is a
+member of one of these gangs. He can't help it. He does not join
+because it is the fashion, or because he is afraid to keep out, or
+because he has social ambitions. He joins because it is his instinct
+to join with others in carrying on the activities to which other
+instincts drive him. If you stand in the way of the gang, you are
+fighting against one of the strongest forces in human nature.
+
+Now if you feel the way Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Green felt about the
+gangs, I do not blame you. But you must not stop there. Let's try to
+find out first what the gang means to the boys and what it means to
+the race. When a boy joins a gang, he does not discard his instinct
+for play or for running and shouting. He simply takes on a new
+relation to the world about him. As a member of the gang, he still
+runs and plays and shouts; but now he has become conscious of his
+place in the world, and that place is with his fellow-members,
+surrounded by all sorts of enemies and dangers and obstacles to his
+well-being. In his gang he finds comfort and support for his
+struggle with the outside world. Here he finds opportunity for
+satisfying exchange of thought; here he finds sympathy and
+understanding such as he can get nowhere else.
+
+The gang, without a written code in most cases, without formal
+rules, without very definite aims, even, nevertheless has a moral
+scheme of its own that every boy understands and lives up to as
+earnestly and as devotedly as ever man followed the dictates of
+conscience. The gang demands of the boy unfailing loyalty, and--what
+is more--it usually gets it. Of how many other institutions or
+organizations can as much be said? The gang demands fair play and
+fidelity among its members, and it usually gets these. The gang
+demands devotion and self-sacrifice of its members, and the boy who
+cannot show these qualities becomes more effectually ostracized than
+any defaulting bank official or corrupt politician. These fine
+virtues, then--loyalty, honor, devotion--are cultivated by the gang
+just at the time when the instincts for them are strongest, and at a
+time when no other agency is prepared to do the work.
+
+For you will realize, when you once think of it, how much we coddle
+the baby when he is cute, how we shower him with toys far in excess
+of what he can use or enjoy, how we fuss and fondle him, and how
+much thought we give to every possible and impossible want; and how,
+on the other hand, we neglect the boy when he enters upon that most
+unattractive, but very critical, age in which he finds other boys
+more interesting than his sister and her dolls, when he cares more
+for other boys than he does for his mother and her parlor, when he
+thinks more of the "fellers" than he does of his teacher and her
+lessons. Just at this time, when the boy is beginning to wonder
+vaguely and to long just as indefinitely, we abandon him to his own
+resources and to Mrs. White's Bob, the leader of the gang.
+
+The problem that confronts us is: How can we save and strengthen the
+fine qualities which this spontaneous association with other boys
+produces without encouraging the lawlessness and the destructiveness
+and the secretiveness of the gang? First of all, we mothers must
+recognize not only that the boy cannot be happy without his
+associates, but also that the social virtues will never be developed
+in him at all if we keep him at home away from the others or
+restricted to one or two play-mates--which we may like to select for
+him. Then, when this is perfectly clear to us, we will take the next
+step, which will be to use all the resources of the homes and of the
+community to change the antisocial gang into a club. The difference
+between a gang and a _club_ is not a matter of clean clothes
+and "nice" manners. It is a difference in mental attitude. The gang
+has rules and it has power. The club has put its rules into form and
+it _knows_ what it can do and what it wants to do. In other
+words, the gang is a casual, random group that drifts about in the
+village or in the city, subject to every passing influence, whereas
+the club is a deliberate, purposeful organization with definite aims
+and developments. Both meet the needs of the growing boy for
+association; both give the social instincts and virtues suitable
+opportunity for exercise.
+
+This problem of giving the boys a chance to get together and do what
+their instincts drive them to do is not one merely for the mothers who
+can provide for their boys little or no supervision, and whose boys
+play in the streets and vacant lots. The problem is just as great in
+the case of the well-to-do, who provide constant supervision for their
+children. Indeed, it is a serious question whether the condition of
+the children of wealthier families is not in this respect more
+dangerous than that of the less wealthy. With the boys of the street
+the problem is how to divert the activities into suitable channels;
+with the closely-guarded boys of the wealthy the problem is how to
+develop the spirit of loyalty and self-sacrifice and honor, which have
+been suppressed by the restricted and artificial associations of the
+solicitous home. Both kinds of boys must be left free to form their
+own associations, but the groups must be so directed in their club
+activities (without, however, suspecting that they are being directed)
+as to connect their interests with lawful amusements, civic needs, and
+social relations. The great danger is that when adults take a hand in
+these matters they fix their attention upon the civic and moral
+virtues and overlook the instincts of activity and sociability which
+call the gang into being, and the club degenerates into a preachy
+Sunday- school class.
+
+[Illustration: The boys need a chance to get together.]
+
+In organizing clubs, or rather in presenting opportunities for the
+organization of clubs, we must recognize that bodily activity,
+taking the form of athletics, or of workshop effort, or of camping,
+hunting, etc., is a fundamental condition of healthy growth for the
+boys and girls. As every group must have its meeting place, this
+should be first provided, and it should be of a nature that allows
+gymnastics and hammering and boxing to go on without any
+restrictions beyond those required by the nature of the little
+animals. That is, there is need for sleep and rest and meals--and
+perhaps certain definite hours for school and church--but beyond
+such disagreeable though necessary interruptions the meeting place
+of the club should be a busy place at all decent hours. We are
+tempted to force literature and debating upon our clubs; these
+things usually come later, and appeal at best to but relatively few
+boys. Literature and debating are good, but they can never take the
+place of parallel bars and boxing gloves and hammer and saw.
+
+We are also tempted to pick out the boys for the clubs that we are
+interested in. This is a serious mistake. It is this sort of thing
+that causes the failure of so many well-meaning attempts to redeem
+the children of the "slums" or of the street. We must let the groups
+form spontaneously; the boys' instincts are keener in detecting the
+sneak and the coward and the traitor than yours are, and if the club
+has the right start, the undesirable citizen will either adopt the
+morals of the club or be squeezed out. And the right start is
+chiefly a good meeting place. It is here that the church and the
+school and the home can cooperate. In the larger cities the
+settlement has pointed the way by carrying on practically all of the
+work with children through the medium of clubs.
+
+It is not necessary for every parent to furnish a suitable meeting
+place; indeed, each club needs only one meeting place. But every
+home can contribute something. If you have not the suitable garret
+or barn or shed, you can supply the baseball outfit, or the Indian
+clubs, or the work-bench, or some of the tools. You can lend your
+homes for those not very frequent occasions when the boys are quite
+satisfied to have a quiet evening of table games or theatricals, or
+imitation camp-fire with chestnuts to roast and songs to sing. You
+can make up lunch-baskets for fishing or tramping trips, or you can
+sew tapes on the old pants for "uniforms."
+
+It does not matter so much _what_ you do, so long as you do as
+much as you can, and, above all, if you show an "interest." The bond
+of sympathy and intimacy that comes from such an understanding and
+from the hearty cooperation of the home with these natural instincts
+of the children is an immense gain to the individual parent, as well
+as to the individual child. Instead of friction and opposition of
+forces, there results a cooperation of forces that all make for
+good.
+
+As for the community, the village or town that can provide meeting
+places for all of its groups of young people, under the direction of
+those who understand them and sympathize with them, with suitable
+equipment for physical activities of all kinds, can make no better
+investment of the money that such a venture would cost. For it is in
+such association that the boys and girls learn to be members of a
+group, and eventually of the larger group that includes us all. The
+good citizen is the one who has developed the instincts of loyalty
+and devotion and self-sacrifice and honor, and has directed them
+toward the community. The bad citizen is the one in whom these
+virtues were never developed, or one in whom these traits remain in
+the gang stage.
+
+In the attempts that have been made to direct the instincts of
+children we have given the boys much more attention than the girls,
+for the simple reason that the boys have given us more trouble.
+Still, the girls should not be neglected. They are entitled to all
+the advantages that can be derived from organized opportunity to
+associate with one another and to develop the social virtues. They
+should also have the opportunity for physical exercise and
+development which the boy gets because he makes violent demand for
+it, but which the girl needs just as much.
+
+It has been found unwise to have mixed clubs of boys and girls in
+the early years, and even later, when girls and boys could
+profitably associate together, they like to have their separate
+groups for special activities. For the strictly sociable times,
+however, boys and girls may be brought together at any age.
+
+Apart from the other advantages to be gained from the club, the girl
+or boy will be saved from his friends. There is a real danger that
+children who do not get into larger groups will take up with a
+single chum or intimate. While it is true that many lasting and
+valued friendships start in these early years, the danger is
+nevertheless a serious one. Chums or intimates, in their tendency to
+get away from other people, may do nothing worse than carry on silly
+conversations; but they may also read pernicious literature and
+develop bad habits. Activities in a group are more open and less
+likely to be of a secret nature.
+
+Intimacies at this early age will spring up for all kinds of
+superficial reasons. In a study made some years ago these were some
+of the reasons given for the formation of friendships: "We were
+cousins," "He taught me to swim," "We had the same birthday," "She
+had a red apron," "Her brown eyes and hair," "Neither of us had a
+sister." A large proportion of the children who were questioned gave
+as the only reason for their intimate friendship the fact that they
+"live near each other." However absurd these reasons may appear to
+us, we are compelled by what we know of the child's mind to respect
+these attachments. But if there is any danger in the intimacy--and
+there often is--the only remedy is encouragement of association in a
+large group. "There is safety in numbers."
+
+So, whether we are more concerned with the mischief done by the
+gang, or with the danger of intimate chums, whether we care more for
+the development of good citizenship in boys and girls, or merely to
+make the children happy while they are growing up, it is necessary
+for parents to use all the means at their disposal to organize and
+encourage the social activities of the young people to the fullest
+extent.
+
+
+
+
+XI.
+
+CHILDREN'S IDEALS AND AMBITIONS
+
+
+When you take pains to instruct your children in the way they should
+go, it is because you have in mind certain standards of what a child
+should do, or of what kind of an adult you wish your child to
+become. In other words, you look to your ideals to guide you in the
+training of the child. We all appreciate more or less vaguely the
+importance of ideals in shaping character, and for this reason we
+value ideals, although it is considered smart for adults to sneer at
+ideals and idealism--which are supposed somehow to be opposed to the
+"practical" affairs of life. But in a way there is nothing more
+truly practical than a worthy ideal.
+
+Where there is no vision the people perish; and that is just as true
+of the individual as it is of a nation. Moreover, it is the
+_youth_ who shall see the visions and draw from them the
+inspiration for higher and better things. Fortunately, every normal
+child develops ideals. It is for more experienced people to provide
+the opportunities for the formation of desirable ideals, to guide
+the ideals after they are formed into practicable channels, to use
+the ideals to reinforce the will in carrying out our practical
+purposes in the training of the child.
+
+You no doubt find it easy enough to recognize and to encourage
+ideals that are in harmony with your own, or that seem to you worthy
+and likely to have a favorable influence upon your child's career or
+character. When five-year-old Freddy says that he wants to become a
+lawyer or a doctor, you encourage him. You say, "That's fine, my
+boy," and in your mind's eye you see him climbing to fame and
+fortune. But when Freddy says that he wants to be a policeman and
+marry the candy-lady, you laugh at him, and you certainly do
+_not_ encourage him. But in Freddy's mind doctor and lawyer
+mean no more than policeman; they involve no more important social
+service, they mean no more dignity in personal position, they
+suggest nothing more of anything that is worth while. For whatever
+it is that Freddy wants to be at any moment is to him the sum of all
+that is to him worth while--and that is just what an ideal ought to
+be.
+
+This is not a plea to cruel parents in behalf of smoothing Freddy's
+path toward the coveted post--or the course of his courtship of the
+candy-lady's daughter. It is simply an effort to point out how
+important it is to avoid shattering early in life that precious
+mirror in which alone visions are to be seen. When you have
+ridiculed the policeman out of further consideration, you are likely
+with the same act to have weakened Freddy's faith in ideals--and to
+this extent you have loosened one of the safest props of his
+character. We need not be afraid of the crude and short-sighted
+ideals of the young child. With the growth of his experience his
+ideals will expand. We should fear rather to infect him with the
+vulgar disrespect for all ideals.
+
+In a few years Freddy has his heart set on charting the blank spaces
+on his geography map, and he has never a thought for the girls. It
+is the same Freddy, but he has in the meanwhile roamed far from the
+home neighborhood--in imagination--and has discovered new heroes and
+new types of heroism. The policeman and the candy-lady are still at
+their old posts, but Freddy ignores them because his ideals have
+grown with his experience and his information, as well as with his
+bodily growth and development.
+
+Study of thousands of children in all parts of this country, in
+England and in Germany, has shown that the young people begin to
+form ideal images of what they consider desirable, or beautiful, or
+right rather early in life. They form ideals of virtue as well as
+ideals of happiness, and these ideals reflect their experiences and
+their surroundings to a remarkable degree. Thus, there are
+differences between the ideals formed by country children and those
+formed by city children, between the ideals of poor children and
+those of wealthy ones, between the ideals of English children and
+those of American or German children. But, aside from all these
+differences, it is found that the ideals vary with the sex of the
+child, and also with the age, so that each child passes through a
+series of stages marked by characteristic types of ideals.
+
+As early as the age of nine years children have expressed themselves
+as looking forward to "doing good" in the world, or to making
+themselves "good." The age at which this impulse to service or to
+personal perfection may take form must depend upon many things
+besides the peculiar characteristics of the individual child.
+Jessie's ideals concerning "being good" will be shaped by what she
+hears and sees about her. If you speak frequently about the foreign
+missions, she may think of being good as something that has to do
+with the heathen. If the family conversation takes into
+consideration the sick and the needy, Jessie's ideal may be dressed
+like a Red Cross nurse. If you never speak of the larger problems of
+community welfare, or of social needs, or of moral advance in the
+home, where Robert has a chance to hear you, he can get suggestions
+toward such ideals only after he has read enough to become
+acquainted with these problems and the corresponding lines of
+service for himself.
+
+Answers received from hundreds of girls and boys would seem to show
+that virtue and goodness are desirable to children at a certain
+stage of their development chiefly, if not solely, because they
+bring material or social benefits. Virtue is rewarded not by any
+internal or spiritual satisfaction, but by freer access to the candy
+supply or to the skating pond. The right is that which is allowable,
+or that which may be practiced with impunity. The wrong is that
+which is forbidden or punishable. Of course, this attitude toward
+moral values should not continue through life. We should do what we
+can to establish higher ideals of right and wrong. How soon this
+change will come must depend very largely on where the emphasis is
+laid by those around the child. If, when you give Robert a piece of
+candy, you always impress him with the idea that this is his
+compensation for having been "good," he will retain this association
+between virtue and material reward long past the age when he can
+already appreciate the satisfaction that comes from exercising his
+instinct to be helpful, or from doing what he thinks is right. If,
+however, the idea in the home is that all goes well and all feel
+cheerful and happy because every one is trying to do the right
+thing, the various indulgences and liberties will mean to the child
+merely the material manifestations of the good feeling that
+prevails, and not rewards of virtue. So far as possible, rewards and
+punishments should be directed toward the _deed_ and not the
+child. The aim should be to make the child derive his highest
+satisfaction from carrying out his own ideals of conduct, rather
+than from the reward for that conduct. The approbation of those he
+honors and loves should gradually replace the material reward.
+
+To the child the ideal of success may mean two entirely different
+things. At one stage it may mean the satisfaction of accomplishing a
+set task, whether selected by himself or imposed by some one else.
+Later, it comes to mean excelling some other child in a contest.
+Even a child of four or five years gets a great deal of satisfaction
+from contemplating a house he has built out of his blocks, or the
+row of mud pies. This satisfaction gradually comes to be something
+quite distinct from the pleasure of _doing_, and is an important
+element in the ideal of workmanship. As the child grows older the
+ideal of successful accomplishment grows stronger, and, if it is
+retained throughout life, it contributes a large share toward the
+individual's happiness.
+
+Most of the school activities of our children lay too much emphasis
+upon the ideal of successful rivalry, and too little upon the ideal of
+high achievement. The ideal set before the children is not frequently
+enough that of doing the best that is in them, and too frequently that
+of doing merely better than the neighbor--which may be poor enough.
+Some of the work done with children in clubs, outside of schools, has
+brought out the instinct for an ideal of achievement in a very good
+way. Richard came home quite breathless when he was able to report
+that he could start a fire on a windy day, using but a single match!
+In some of the more modern organizations, for girls as well as for
+boys, graded tasks are assigned as tests of individual proficiency or
+prowess. Every girl and every boy must pass these standards, without
+regard to what the others do. The result of encouraging this ideal is
+likely to be an increased sense of responsibility, well as an
+increased self-respect; whereas the ideal of "beating" others may in
+many cases keep the girl or boy at a rather low level of achievement,
+compared to the child's own capacity.
+
+This competitive ideal is illustrated by the girl who is ambitious
+to stand at the head of her class, and receives encouragement
+enough. But we give very little thought to the child whose ideals
+are for service to others or to the community. It is very often the
+same child that at one time glories in successful emulation under
+the encouragement of our approval, and that later fails to develop
+the germs of altruistic ideals because we fail to recognize, or at
+least to encourage, them. We cannot expect from the schools an early
+change of emphasis from the competitive type of ambition to the
+ideal of cooperation or service, although the teachers who have
+tried to encourage the latter have found the school work to proceed
+more satisfactorily than it does under the spirit of emulation. But
+in the home it should be much easier to encourage these higher types
+of ideals, for we do not have to set one child against the other,
+and there is greater opportunity for individual service on account
+of the greater differences in the ages and attainments of the
+children.
+
+It is interesting and significant that, of the thousands of children
+who have given expression to their ideals and ambitions, a very
+small number--less than one in every hundred--have appeared to be
+quite content with themselves and with their surroundings. The
+normal child craves for some thing better, and roams as far afield
+as his knowledge and opportunities let him in his search for the
+best. It is during the years from the tenth to the fifteenth or
+sixteenth that this search is keenest, and during this period we
+should present to the children every opportunity for becoming
+acquainted with what has been considered best in the history of the
+race. The reading that the boy or girl does at this time is perhaps
+the most important source of ideals.
+
+The selection of suitable books for the young is in itself an important
+problem, and one that many of us are apt to neglect. It is impossible to
+judge of the desirability or suitableness of a book from its appearance,
+or from its price, or from the standing of its publishers, or even from
+the repute of the author. Many attractive-looking books are not only
+worthless, but positively objectionable. If it is not possible for you
+to examine carefully each book that you consider buying, you should make
+use of an annotated list, or seek competent counsel in some other form.
+Through libraries and various associations it is now possible to obtain
+carefully prepared lists that will be helpful in selecting books for
+children of all ages.
+
+An interesting point that has been brought out by studies is the
+fact that degrading ideals are practically wanting in children. You
+were no doubt shocked to discover that Eddy was planning to become a
+burglar, or a pirate chief, or a tramp, or an ordinary highwayman.
+But a careful analysis of the motives and experiences of the boy
+will show that the particular feature that Eddy admires in his hero
+is far removed from the ones that shock you. The boy is dreaming of
+travel and adventure, of the excitement of chasing or of being
+chased, of trying his ingenuity in conflict with the professionally
+ingenious minions of the law, of being brave in the face of danger,
+of testing his fortitude in the time of trouble, of the loyalty of
+his comrades to himself as leader, or of his loyalty to his chief
+when the latter is beset by his enemies. But courage and loyalty and
+fortitude and ingenuity are no more degrading ideals than are
+material possessions and intellectual accomplishments. Only it
+happens that many boys find these particular ideals embodied in
+heroes and personalities that we feel we must disapprove for various
+reasons. Robin Hood appeals to the children not because he violated
+the laws of the land or because he deprived people of their
+property, but because he was brave, and clever, and just, and kind
+to the poor.
+
+In comparing the ideals of children raised in the city with those of
+children raised in the country, interesting differences appear. The
+city children are in general less inclined to be altruistic than
+country children at the same age. On the other hand, city children
+draw upon a wider range of characters from history and from fiction
+for their ideals. In the matter of future occupations, city children
+were often satisfied to mention some preference from the various
+occupations of which they had heard, without elaborating the
+details, whereas the country children, although they did not select
+from so wide a range, frequently described special features of some
+occupation as the interesting elements leading to a choice.
+
+From the various studies that have been made we may see that the kind
+of ideals that a child is likely to have depends a great deal upon the
+_people_ with whom he becomes familiar, upon the _ideas_ with which he
+becomes familiar, and upon the _activities_ with which he becomes
+familiar. The child should have an opportunity to discover the best
+that is available in his immediate environment. His earliest heroes
+should be his parents; then the acquaintances near home should furnish
+the qualities that will arouse his interest and admiration. It is a
+mistake to thrust upon the child ideals ready made and imported for
+the purpose. A hero thrust upon the young imagination may do service
+for a while, but is likely to be discarded later when that particular
+hero's virtues really need to be kept before the child much more than
+they did in the earlier period. George Washington and his hatchet have
+furnished us a legend that is a good illustration of this. The hero is
+dressed up to be attractive to children of nursery age, and endowed
+with nursery virtues. When the children grow up and so outgrow their
+nursery ideals, they discard interest in and admiration for George
+Washington: this is a serious loss to our national idealism.
+
+The results of the studies also indicate how significant is suitable
+literature in the formation of ideals. A comparison of returns from
+girls with those from boys throws an important side light on this
+problem. In nearly every group of answers received it was evident
+that most girls, when they get to a certain age, adopt ideals that
+are decidedly masculine. The explanation of this seems to lie in the
+fact that the characters of history and of literature with whom they
+become most familiar are those showing distinctly masculine
+qualities. There are real differences between the mind of a girl and
+the mind of a boy, and these should be taken into consideration in
+their training. There is great need for the clearer recognition and
+sharper definition of distinctly feminine ideals. It is not enough
+to transfer some imitation masculine ideals to the minds of our
+girls.
+
+We should make a special effort to discover our children's ideals,
+for several reasons. First of all, by knowing what the girl or boy
+has nearest the heart we shall be able to enter into closer sympathy
+with the child, we shall be able to understand much of the conduct
+that would otherwise baffle as well as annoy us. In the second
+place, by watching the rise of ideals we shall be better able to
+direct the child's playing and his reading and those other
+activities that are needed to supply the experiences and ideas that
+seem to be lacking, or to discourage tendencies that seem to us
+undesirable. In the third place, if we know our children's ideals we
+can make use of these as motive forces in helping us to carry out
+our larger plans. It is when the boy is in the military stage of his
+ambitions that we should try to make the virtues of the soldier
+habitual parts of his character. It is when the girl is ambitious to
+make a fine garden that we should try to make her fix the habits of
+orderliness, regularity, and attention to details. Of course, not
+every girl will want to have a garden, and many a boy never cares to
+be a soldier; but at every stage there are ideals that can be called
+upon to fix the heart upon certain virtues until the latter become
+habits.
+
+It is very easy to ridicule the ideals and ambitions of children when
+they seem to us too high-flown or futile. But a person's ideals stand
+too close to the centre of his character to be treated so rudely. It
+is better to ignore the many trifling flights of fancy that are not
+likely to have any permanent effect, and to throw the child into
+circumstances that will force the emergence of more deep-seated or
+far-reaching ambitions.
+
+There is another danger in the ease with which a child's faith in
+ideals is destroyed, when these happen to interfere with our own
+immediate comfort and desires. When a boy has gotten into some
+mischief with his friends, and is the only one caught, we are
+tempted to bring pressure to bear upon him to make him tell who the
+other culprits were. Joe is ready to take his own punishment, and
+that of his fellow malefactors, too, rather than "snitch." But for
+some reason we feel that "justice" demands the conviction of every
+individual involved. The conflict is not between our sense of
+justice and the boy's stubbornness or wilfulness; it is rather a
+struggle between our demand for retribution and the boy's ideal of
+loyalty. If, through threats and cajolery or more indirect methods,
+we at last succeed in finding out that it was Mrs. Brown's Bob who
+was responsible for the whole affair, we have at last broken down
+Joe's inclination to act according to certain ideal standards. Joe
+has fallen in his own estimation beyond calculation. It is better to
+let Bob go "unpunished" than to make Joe go back on his principles.
+
+One important outcome of a study of our children's ideals and
+ambitions should be the direction of their vocational choices. We
+have read of Benjamin Franklin's father, who took his boys about to
+various shops with a view to helping them make up their minds as to
+what kind of trade they should follow. Nowadays we should consider
+this method rather crude; but for a variety of reasons most of us do
+not do even this much for our children. A study of children's plans
+and hopes for their future work brings out the fact that the desire
+to "earn money" as a motive in the choice increases up to the age of
+twelve years, and then declines rapidly. This may be taken to mean
+that, apart from the enlarged range of interests that comes with
+increased experience, there is also an efflorescence of the fancy
+that leads to increased concern with ideal ends. This is confirmed
+by a comparison of the choice made by children of well-to-do
+families with those made by children of rather poor people. The
+children of the poor, in tragically large numbers, appear to accept
+the fact of working as a necessity of life; they accept this
+doggedly as a matter of course. The children of more prosperous
+families, on the other hand, though frequently expressing
+preferences for the same kinds of occupations, have their hearts set
+on the joy of achievement, or on the ideal of service, or on the fun
+of _doing_, in much larger proportions.
+
+From answers written by English children in a factory district these
+examples are typical:
+
+A boy of eight: "I should like to be a Carpenter. Because my mother
+says I can be one."
+
+A girl of twelve: "I should like to go out when I am older to earn
+my own living."
+
+Another girl of twelve: "I think it would be nice to go out to a
+situation."
+
+In contrast with these are the answers given by children of the same
+ages who came from homes of culture, if not always of wealth:
+
+A boy of eight: "I would like to be like Major ---- because I like
+carpentering very much and he carpenters beautifully. Once he bought
+a box for his silver and there was one tray to it and he wanted to
+make little fittings for the silver so first he painted some names
+on some paper of all the different things he had; then he cut them
+out and supposing he wanted to put knives and forks quickly he would
+have a little name written down where they ought to go and he made
+the fittings most beautifully quite as well as any shop would."
+
+A girl of thirteen: "One thing I should like to do would be to be a
+very clever naturalist, and to know everything about everything
+alive or in the country world."
+
+A girl of ten: "I should like to be a piano teacher, when I grow up,
+for then I shall be able to learn to play many pieces of poetry."
+
+A part of this difference is no doubt due to the fact that in many
+families there are traditional ideals of the obligations of
+privilege, which the children readily imitate; or to the fact that
+these children do not have to think about the necessity of earning a
+livelihood, and so give their attention to the enjoyments that can
+be derived from various kinds of activity.
+
+The subject of vocational guidance, which has come into great
+prominence during the past few years, includes so many ideas that
+are confusing and misleading that large numbers of people have
+become alarmed and are fighting the movement. In the first place,
+the title itself is misleading. Most people do not enter upon
+"callings" in the true sense of that word; they get into some kind
+of occupation or business, but could just as readily have adjusted
+themselves to any one of a thousand other occupations. Then the
+matter of _guidance_ is misleading. It is impossible for anyone
+to-day to undertake to guide young people into their occupations.
+All that can be hoped for is that children may be given an
+opportunity to find out about the different types of work that need
+to be done, and about the different human qualities that are of
+value in the various occupations.
+
+The question that concerns the parent is: What special inclinations
+has the child that can be utilized in a future occupation? It is not
+so much a question of making full use of your child's talents as it
+is of giving him an opportunity to do the kind of work in which he
+will be most happy. Society at large is interested in conserving all
+the different kinds of ability, but the individual child is
+concerned with realizing his own ideals, with living, so far as
+possible, his own life. At the same time, the evidence which we have
+on the subject--not very much, to be sure--shows that there is
+really a close connection between what a child likes to do and what
+he can do well. It is, of course, true that one can learn to do well
+what at first comes hard, and then learn to like it. But we must not
+forget that strong inclinations must be carefully considered when
+future work is being decided upon.
+
+Our children are so imitative that a child with marked talents will
+occasionally not reveal these in surroundings that lay emphasis on
+qualities unrelated to these talents. So many a boy with high-grade
+musical ability will fail to show this where music is looked down
+upon as something unworthy of a man. In the same way children will
+develop ideals in imitation of what goes on around them. Every child
+is likely at some time in his career to look forward to money-making
+as the most desirable end in life; but most normal children will
+pass beyond this ideal before adolescence. If, however, the
+atmosphere in which the child lives is one of money-getting, the
+child without strong tendencies toward other ideals is likely to
+allow this ideal to persist into adolescence and young manhood or
+womanhood. In such cases the ideal becomes fixed without indicating
+that the individual is "by nature" of an avaricious temperament or
+materialistically inclined.
+
+The same principle of imitativeness would, of course, apply to other
+ideals. This explains to us why the recurrence of certain ideals or
+modes of life in successive generations of a family leads to the
+supposition that there are "hereditary" elements at work. It is also
+a good reason why we should guard against the contaminating
+influence of unworthy ideals. It is impossible for us to carry about
+imitation virtues and fool our children into imitating them.
+
+Children begin to form their ideals early in life, and their first
+standards are derived from the people and the things about them that
+contribute to their pleasures--sweets and parents and the heroes of
+the fairy tales.
+
+As the child's experience broadens he borrows ideals from new
+acquaintances and the characters he meets in his reading.
+
+The child absorbs from his surroundings, from his acquaintances, and
+from his reading, as well as from the instruction that he receives
+in school or in church, materials for building a world of what
+_ought_ to be. And in this world he himself plays a very
+important role. We must therefore make sure that the materials for
+ideals which are within our control shall be of the best.
+
+Loose conversation, cynicism, open disrespect for the noble things
+in human character, lack of faith in human nature cannot be
+exhibited to the child day after day without having their sinister
+effect. It is true that some children, here and there, will resist
+these unfavorable influences, and will come out of the struggle
+strong and self-reliant, with faith in their own ideals and with
+faith in mankind. But we cannot afford to treat the developing
+character of the child on the theory that it needs exercise and
+temptation as a gymnast needs exercise and trying tasks. The
+temptation that becomes a habitual stimulus to wrong doing or wrong
+thinking has no moral value. The child is only too ready to follow
+the path of least resistance, and the temptations will come aplenty
+after the ideals begin to form.
+
+High ideals in the home, and not merely good words; loyalty to
+ideals and a spirit of confidence in the children, are needed to
+give the children that confidence in themselves which they need to
+make them loyal to their own ideals when these are out of harmony
+with vulgar fashion.
+
+
+
+
+XII.
+
+THE STORK OR THE TRUTH
+
+
+"Mother, where do babies come from?"
+
+Some day you will be asked this question by your little girl or your
+little boy--if you have not already been asked. What will your
+answer be?
+
+Even if you have been accustomed to giving frank answers to your
+children's questions about all sorts of subjects, you are likely to
+hesitate when it comes to this. You will be tempted to say what you
+were probably told yourself, under similar circumstances. You will
+perhaps say that the doctor brings babies in his satchel, or that
+the stork brings babies in his bill. Or perhaps you will feel
+impelled to tell Harry to go out and play, and ask you again a few
+years later when he will be old enough to understand.
+
+The telling of a myth like the stork story is harmless enough for
+the time being. We have entertained Santa Claus for ages without
+undermining the morals of our children. And we shall continue to
+retell the fairy stories, for, although they are not, strictly
+speaking, "true" stories, they have their place in the life of the
+child. Why can we not go on, then, as we have done in the past,
+leaning upon the stork?
+
+The difference between the story of where babies come from and the
+story of Santa Claus or Mother Hubbard is a very important one.
+Santa Claus and Mother Hubbard represent ideas and interests that
+are but passing phases in the child's development, whereas knowledge
+about reproduction is something that grows in interest with the
+years and reaches its deepest significance just at the time when you
+can hardly, if at all, regain your hold upon your child, once you
+have lost it. It does not matter much who disillusions your child
+about Santa Claus. The disappointment is brief, and soon the child
+can look upon the legend as a joke. But it does matter very much who
+tells your child that the stork story is all a lie, and _how_
+he is told.
+
+It is well for mothers to realize that the embarrassment which they
+may feel when this question is first asked is quite foreign to the
+child, for the child at this time has no knowledge whatever of sex.
+To him it is simply a question for satisfying his momentary
+curiosity. Later on, when the child has become aware of the idea of
+sex, he is not likely to ask his mother embarrassing questions, or,
+if he should ask them, the situation would be equally embarrassing
+to both--unless you have in the meanwhile kept in close sympathy
+with your children, and they feel that they can come to you with any
+question and be answered frankly. And the way to keep them in close
+sympathy is by meeting frankly every question as it arises. It is
+not necessary to answer every question by telling everything you
+know; it is necessary merely to tell enough to satisfy the child's
+immediate need. Not only, then, does your frank answer tend to keep
+the child in touch with the mother, but you protect him in this
+manner against going for his information to sources that are
+frequently contaminating. The information that boys and girls give
+one another about sex matters is often something appalling, not only
+in its distance from the truth, but in the amount of filth with
+which it is encrusted. It is the desire to keep his mind clean,
+then, that should prompt the mother to tell her child what he wants
+to know when he wants to know it. A third consideration is found in
+the fact that many children, when they do not receive satisfactory
+answers to their queries, will reflect and brood about the subject
+to a degree that becomes morbid. This is especially likely to happen
+where the subject of the child's inquiry is treated as though it
+were an improper or a wicked one to speak about, so that the child
+dares not ask others for enlightenment.
+
+That the early answering of the child's questions may offset both
+morbid curiosity and the danger of resorting to filthy sources of
+information is illustrated by the story of a seven-year-old boy who
+was invited by an older boy to come to the wood-shed for the purpose
+of being told an important secret. "If you promise not to tell any
+one," the older boy began, "I will tell you where babies come from."
+"Why, I know where babies come from," replied the second, not
+greatly interested. "Oh, yes you do! I suppose you think that a
+stork brings them? Well, you're 'way off there. The stork ain't got
+nothing to do with it," the instructor continued breathlessly, for
+fear of being deprived of his opportunity to impart his precious
+secret. At last the secret was out; but the younger replied, coolly,
+"That's nothing. My mother told me that when I was four years old."
+Since the matter had ceased to be a secret, and since the story even
+lacked novelty, all opportunity for the elaboration of details was
+destroyed.
+
+But what can you tell to a child of four or five? For that is the
+age at which the question is likely first to present itself.
+Remember that the child is not asking a sex question, but one about
+the direct source of himself, or about some particular baby that he
+has seen. You can say that the baby grew from a tiny egg, which is
+in a little chamber that grows as the baby grows, until the baby is
+big enough to come out. This will satisfy most children for a
+considerable time, but some children will immediately ask, "Where is
+that little room?" To which you may reply, "The growing baby must be
+kept in the most protected place possible, so it is kept under the
+mother's heart." Or, you may say that the baby grew from a seed
+implanted in the mother's body, that it was nourished by her blood
+until it grew large enough, when it came out at the cost of much
+suffering. Of course, you will tell the story as personally as you
+can, about your particular child, and in as simple a way as you can.
+
+If you tell the little girl or boy this much you have told him all
+that he probably cares to know at this time; you have told the truth
+so that you have nothing to fear about his being disillusioned
+either as to the story or as to your own trustworthiness; and you
+have avoided arousing the suspicion that certain subjects are
+unworthy of understanding. And then you will find that this new
+conception of his relation to you, as truly a part of your being,
+will deepen and strengthen his natural feeling of affection and
+sympathy. It is also well with the first telling to impress the
+child--in so many words, if necessary--with the idea that he must
+always come to you for anything he wants to know, and that you are
+always glad to tell him.
+
+As the child grows older his knowledge of life must grow also. In
+the country and in small towns the child becomes familiar with many
+important facts about life without any special effort being required
+to inform him. He learns that chickies hatch out of eggs and that
+the eggs have been laid by the mother hen. He learns that the field
+and garden plants grow from seeds and that the seeds were borne by
+the mother plants. He learns about the coming of the calf and the
+colt; and even city children can learn that kittens and puppies come
+from mother animals. It is a comparatively simple matter for a child
+with such knowledge to get the further information that the baby
+brother developed from an egg that mother kept near her heart during
+the hatching time. Much of this knowledge that the country child
+acquires incidentally must be brought to the city child through
+special efforts and devices, in the school as well as in the home,
+that he may acquire the fundamental facts of bearing and rearing
+young, in plants as well as in animals, and that he may look upon
+these facts not as strange or disconcerting marvels, but as natural
+happenings.
+
+Miss Garrett, one of the most successful teachers of sex and
+reproduction, tells the story of some city boys who had been taught
+these things, and who had decided, in their club, to raise rabbits.
+The selection of a father rabbit and a mother rabbit was too
+important a matter to leave to a committee, so the whole club went
+in a body to attend to these preliminaries. The care the boys took
+of the mother rabbit during her pregnancy was in itself an
+education. Later Miss Garrett saw the leader of the club--who had
+been the "toughest" of the gang--with another boy on the street,
+while a pregnant woman was trying to cross with a heavy basket.
+"Come on, Jim," he called, "let's help her across." This same boy
+but a few months back would have ridiculed the poor woman in her
+plight.
+
+Every child can learn what Jim and his companion learned. He can
+learn to respect motherhood and to be considerate of mothers as
+mothers. It is very interesting to see the great differences in this
+regard between families in which the fact of motherhood is a secret,
+and those in which it is a matter of common knowledge. I was
+visiting a friend whose six-year-old boy knew that another baby was
+expected, and he was very careful to avoid annoying his mother. Of
+course, the attitude of the other members of the family also had an
+influence upon the conduct of this child. But another mother
+complained that she received very little consideration during
+pregnancy from her oldest son--a boy of fourteen--although all the
+other members of the family were as careful and as thoughtful as
+could be desired. This second mother, however, had allowed her older
+boys to grow up on the assumption that sex and reproduction had
+nothing to do with life, or, at any rate, were of no concern to them
+and were not suitable subjects to know about; so that her boys did
+_not_ know that something unusual was in the air, or that
+something special was expected of them.
+
+The important thing for the mother to do during these growing years
+is to retain the confidence of the children, and to give them an
+opportunity to become acquainted with the everyday facts about
+plants and animals. The questions that come to the child's mind will
+be questions of motherhood and babyhood, chiefly, and not questions
+of sex or fatherhood. When these questions do at last arise, as they
+are sure to almost any time after twelve years, and sometimes even
+before, you have a great advantage if your child brings his
+questions to you instead of to his casual acquaintances of the
+school or street, even if you are not prepared to answer all the
+questions for him. The girl will come to her mother, and the boy
+will come to his father, if they have acquired the habit of coming
+with frankness and confidence. Then, if for any reason you are not
+qualified to tell what needs to be told, you may just as frankly say
+so and refer the child to the right instructor, who may be a teacher
+or the family physician. Older children may even be sent to suitable
+books. But the most desirable condition is that in which the parents
+have prepared in advance to answer all the questions themselves, and
+even to anticipate some questions.
+
+[Illustration: In the country children become acquainted with the
+facts of life.]
+
+The child should receive instruction along these lines at various
+stages in his development, even up to young manhood or womanhood,
+corresponding to his physical development and to his mental
+development, which normally proceed in close relation to each other.
+The girl should be informed how to care for her health. The boy
+should be instructed about the sex life of the opposite sex to know
+what they have a right to expect, or rather what they have no right
+to demand of the other. Boys during the adolescent period, which has
+been called the "age of chivalry and romance," are keen to
+appreciate the rights of others and their own duties to the weak; it
+is at this time that we are to appeal to their sense of honor in
+establishing ideals of purity, and the sense of responsibility as
+bearers of the life stream. The standards of sex morals are
+established during this period, for girls as well as for boys. Their
+strength to time of temptation will lie in the ideals which now
+become fixed. We want our girls to grow up demanding purity of the
+young men they will meet, not pretending that they do not know the
+difference. And we want our boys to grow up with faith in the
+literal truth of that fine line about Sir Galahad:
+
+His strength is as the strength of ten, because his heart is pure.
+
+The parents who wish to prepare themselves with a knowledge of what
+to tell their children in place of the old stork fable; of when to
+tell, instead of postponing to a dishonest "some other time"; and of
+_how_ to tell, instead of in the embarrassing, half-expressed
+vagueness, would do well to read some of the abundant literature on
+this subject that has been issued in recent years just for our help:
+Some of the best titles are given below.
+
+The following titles, with comments, are taken for the most part
+from "A Selected List of Books for Parents," issued by the
+Federation for Child Study:
+
+BIOLOGY OF SEX. By T. W. Galloway. A concise and reliable statement
+of fundamental sex facts.
+
+GIRL AND WOMAN. By Caroline Latimer. Very helpful in understanding
+and dealing with the physical, mental and moral disturbances of
+girlhood and early womanhood. Some of the recommendations,
+particularly regarding physical aspects, are open to question.
+
+MARRIAGE AND THE SEX PROBLEM. By F. W. Foerster. Emphasis is laid
+upon the religious and spiritual sides of the emotional life, upon
+training for self-control and the mastery of moods and instincts.
+
+SEX. By Patrick Geddes and J. Arthur Thompson. The biological
+aspects of sex and also interesting chapters on sex education, the
+ethics of sex, and sex and society. Good bibliography.
+
+SEX EDUCATION. By Maurice A. Bigelow. Covers the problems of sex
+education and of criticisms of sex education.
+
+SEX EDUCATION. By Ira S. Wile, M.D. An excellent little volume for
+the purpose of assisting parents to banish the difficulties and to
+suggest a plan for developing a course in sex education. The chapter
+on terminology is most helpful.
+
+THE SEXUAL LIFE OF A CHILD. By Dr. Albert Moll. An exhaustive study
+of the origin and development in childhood and youth, of the acts
+and feelings due to sex. Indispensable to anyone interested in sex
+education.
+
+THE SEXUAL QUESTION. By August Forel, M.D., Ph.D., LL.D. Translated
+from the German by C. F. MARSHALL, M.D., F.R.C.S. A comprehensive
+and reliable study of the subject from biological, historical,
+social and hygienic viewpoints.
+
+TRAINING OF THE YOUNG IN LAWS OF SEX. By the Hon. E. Lyttelton. A
+brief presentation, from a lofty point of view of the many phases of
+the sex problem as it confronts the boy.
+
+The following books on sex education were written for children. They
+are listed here, not to be put into the hands of the young, but as a
+help to parents in supplying methods of approach and a usable
+vocabulary:
+
+THE RENEWAL OF LIFE. By Margaret W. Morley.
+
+THE SEX SIDE OF LIFE. An Explanation for Young People. By Dr. Mary
+Ware Dennett (Pamphlet, published by the author, New York.)
+
+THE SPARK OF LIFE. By Margaret W. Morley.
+
+THE THREE GIFTS OF LIFE. By Nellie M. Smith, A.M.
+
+Special studies in many parts of the country, especially during the
+war, have made it clear that girls in the adolescent stage are
+definitely aware of the need for clean and trustworthy instruction
+on matters pertaining to the relations between the sexes, to the
+control of the emotions, to the care of the body during the
+menstrual period, and to other problems arising from the facts of
+sex.
+
+It is pathetic, is it not, to have a high-school girl write: "Some
+parents are ashamed to tell their girls everything, so that is why I
+think they should be told in school." Whose parents had she in mind?
+
+Another writes: "There are many girls with no mother or very near
+female relation that can tell them all they need to know, and if
+anything should happen in a girl's life, she does not think it
+proper to speak to a male, even if it is her father." Are the girls
+who have mothers or "very near female relations" to be none the
+better, or happier for it?
+
+I hope that mothers will not continue in the future, as most have
+done in the past, to hesitate about giving such information to their
+children. If you are perhaps tempted to feel that you would like to
+preserve the child's innocence as long as possible, you have but to
+realize that innocence is not the same as ignorance. We are apt to
+forget how young we ourselves were when we had obtained one way or
+another a large mass of information about reproduction, and even
+about sex. The question is not whether a young child should have
+this information or not; the question is whether he shall have
+correct and pure information, or false and filthy information. For
+one or the other he is sure to get. True knowledge is the best
+mantle of innocence.
+
+Much misery is caused, not only for girls, but also for boys, by the
+lapses from the path of virtue. If the young man who has gone astray
+is in a position to say, "Had I but heeded!" instead of saying, "Had
+I but known!" it will make a great difference in the way he will
+later feel toward the one person from whom he had a right to expect
+protecting knowledge. It is true enough that knowledge alone is not
+a sure protection against wrong-doing; but you can have no moral
+training without knowledge, and knowledge is the least you can give.
+
+There is no reason why parents should think of enlightening their
+children on this subject as a disagreeable necessity, instead of as
+one of the important means through which to be of real help to their
+children, and at the same time to help themselves to retain their
+hold upon the children.
+
+
+
+
+XIII.
+
+THE GOLDEN AGE OF TRANSITION
+
+
+There comes a time in the life of every boy and every girl that
+brings a maximum of trials and worry--to the other people. This time
+is the golden age of transition from childhood to manhood or
+womanhood, the age of adolescence. If you have had annoyance and
+hardship with your infants, if the children have perplexed you and
+tried you--as you thought, to the limit--you may be sure that there
+is more in store for you. For the age of adolescence brings with it
+problems and perplexities and annoyances that will make you forget
+that it's any trouble at all to look after younger children.
+
+After years of painstaking attention to all the details of a child's
+home surroundings, in the hope that this attention will result in
+distinct gains to the child's character, it must be very discouraging
+to notice some fine day that Louise is becoming rather finicky about
+the food--which is just as good as she has always had--and that Arthur
+is inclined to become rather short in speaking to his mother--not to
+say impudent. And both are likely to become critical not only about
+the food but about a hundred other things that they find at home. And
+both are likely to be something not far from impudent in giving
+expression to their criticisms. In fact, they will be quite prepared
+to undertake the education of their parents, and to tell you with
+alarming assurance just how and when to do things, both at home and
+abroad. Fortunate, indeed, are the parents who have come to this
+critical stage in their education equipped with a sense of humor.
+
+However, these unexpected and mortifying outbreaks of inconsiderateness
+and bad manners do _not_ show that your early efforts have all been in
+vain. They do _not_ show that outside influences beyond your control
+have perverted your children, or have counteracted your efforts. They
+show merely that Louise and Arthur are still growing, and have now
+entered upon that most interesting and most significant period of the
+new birth.
+
+It is well, first of all, for the mother--and the father, too--to
+realize that this period is a passing one, for this knowledge can
+save you many a worried day and many a sleepless night. I do not
+mean that when the child comes to this dangerous age you are simply
+to let nature and impulse have their way. I mean only that the
+problems are to be met with many devices, but not with worry. For we
+are coming to understand some of the fundamental causes of the great
+changes that occur in the nature of the growing child at this time,
+and we are learning, accordingly, better ways of dealing with the
+troublesome manifestations of these changes. Not that we can lay
+down rules for the proper handling of all adolescents everywhere,
+for we can not. Every individual is a problem by himself; but we can
+learn a better way of approaching this precious problem, a more
+helpful attitude to maintain toward him or her.
+
+There is a physical basis for the remarkable alterations in the
+minds and morals of this age. The infant grows very rapidly at
+first, but with a diminishing rate until about the twelfth year.
+Then, almost suddenly, the rate of growth increases again, and in
+four or five years most children have attained nearly their full
+physical growth. Associated with this great physical growth is the
+fact that some organs grow much faster than others, so that the
+proportions of an adult come to be very different from those of a
+child. In the meanwhile, however, there has been a great strain on
+the system, because, apart from the demands of the general body
+growth, some of the organs have not been able to keep up with the
+special demands made upon them. For example, the growth in body
+weight and in muscle may proceed more rapidly than the proportionate
+growth of the lungs or the liver, or the weight may increase more
+rapidly than the proportionate strength of the muscles. Moreover,
+the nervous system is developing at a more rapid rate, probably,
+than the other systems of organs, and this strain shows itself in
+various ways that are disagreeable to adults with fixed habits and
+standards.
+
+All of these changes are intimately bound up with the development of
+the sex organs and with the approach of sexual maturity.
+
+A graceful child becomes awkward and a well-mannered child comes to
+act rudely and to speak quite unlike his former self. These changes
+are related to the fact that with the development of the nervous
+system there arise impulses for hundreds of new kinds of movements
+which the child can learn to suppress or to control only with the
+passing of time. This is the age at which the child is exposed to
+the acquirement of many undesirable muscular habits, such as various
+kinds of fidgetings, biting of the finger-nails, twirling of
+buttons, wrinkling of the forehead, shruggings, swaying the body,
+rolling the tongue, tapping with the fingers or the feet, and so on.
+Nearly a thousand of these uncontrolled or "automatic" movements
+have been described in children of this age. Of course, any of these
+movements that produce sounds or that catch our eye are very
+annoying to us, and if we have never nagged before, we are likely to
+begin now by saying _Don't this_ and _Don't that_, for we
+have never been tempted like this before. But nagging is not what is
+called for.
+
+Are we then to let them keep on annoying others, or are we to leave
+them to themselves to make permanent these awkward and disturbing
+and often hideous movements? We should do neither. We should
+remember that now of all times the boy or girl needs our friendship
+and our sympathy; we should let the young person feel that our
+objections are not based upon our momentary annoyance, but upon our
+concern for the kinds of habits he will acquire; and we should do
+what we can to help him break his habit, not insist that he break it
+for us. Moreover, it is not certain that all of these fidgetings and
+tappings should be suppressed upon their first appearance. Most of
+these automatic movements disappear of themselves as the child
+matures and learns to direct his nervous energy into channels that
+lead to useful actions, as he acquires skill and self-control
+through practice in gymnastics or with tools, or musical instruments
+or at some games. And while there should be every opportunity to
+play games and musical instruments and to handle tools, etc., we
+should not be discouraged if, after a whole day of hard exertion in
+work and play, there is still some energy left for drumming on the
+table or teasing sister or the cat, or for dancing a jig upstairs
+and rattling the lamp.
+
+Closely connected with the rapid development of the nervous system
+is the fact of the increasing irritability of temper. This will show
+itself every day in a hundred ways. Of course, it is unreasonable,
+and, of course, the boy or girl is not to be allowed to become rude
+and impatient and domineering. But with this increasing irritability
+comes increasing sensitiveness, and it is very easy for you to make
+him realize that his conduct is not that becoming a gentleman, or
+that his manner has been offensive. He will not give you the
+satisfaction, very often, of letting you know that he fully
+appreciates your point of view; indeed, he will even make a show of
+disputing your position; he will try to argue out a justification
+for his conduct, or at least a mitigation. But he knows very well
+what his offense is, and is thoroughly ashamed of himself; but he
+has to save his face.
+
+It may be helpful to mothers and fathers, and to others who have to
+do with girls and boys of this age, to know that what appears to us
+as impudence is very often but an expression of the child's awkward
+attempt to hide his discomfiture or embarrassment. This is
+especially true in the early stages of adolescence. The boy or girl
+is becoming conscious of himself as a person, and resents being
+treated as a child; the only way he knows of asserting his
+personality is by affecting an air of disdain toward those who
+presume to treat him as a child. This swagger is more likely to be
+put on when there is a third person present. It is therefore always
+safer to reserve your discussions and corrections to the time when
+you are alone with your girl or boy, and can place your conversation
+on an intimate basis.
+
+Hand in hand with spells of most irritating self-assertiveness, the
+adolescent is subject to spells of most depressing humility and
+self-abnegation. Indeed, at every point this period is marked by the
+most violent contrasts and alterations of mood. Hours or days of
+seeming indifference to all interests and activities will be
+followed by keen excitement and enthusiasm. A fit of doubt in his
+own ability and worthiness will be followed by almost ludicrous
+self-confidence. A feverish desire for constant companionship will
+follow a dull and moody search for seclusion and solitude. In
+general it is perhaps wisest to ignore these changing moods, except
+where they find their outlet in offensive or vicious conduct. We
+must remember that it is just as trying to the young person as it is
+to the older ones; and, while we may not be prepared to yield our
+comfort and our standards to the whims of the girl or boy, we should
+seek for adjustment through sympathetic exchange of ideas and
+sentiments, and not through arbitrary rules. In any case, these
+changing moods need not in themselves be considered occasions for
+misgivings and worry about the future development, for they are part
+and parcel of the rapid changes in the nervous system.
+
+So complex is the character of this stage that volumes have been
+written about it; it has been recorded in song and in literature,
+and has been celebrated in religious ceremonials from ancient times.
+If, then, the mother finds it perplexing, and somewhat beyond her
+full comprehension, she certainly should not blame herself.
+
+It has been said that the complexity of the individual during
+adolescence is due to the fact that at this time the brain and the
+whole body become at last awakened to their manifold capacities, and
+that the child now is not only capable of doing everything that a
+human being can do, but feels the impulse to do everything. But
+manifestly he cannot do all things at once; hence the rapid changes
+of impulse and mood. There is a sudden increase in emotions, without
+suitable habits for giving them an outlet. There is vague longing
+and formless yearning for the child knows not what. Much relief and
+satisfaction come from physical exertion, especially for boys. There
+is much satisfaction of the emotions from association with others;
+hence the growth of the gang and the feeling of kinship.
+
+Adults, with their limited interests and their appreciation of the
+need for specialization in the practical pursuits of life, are often
+inclined to look with disfavor upon the growing girl's or boy's
+"dabbling" in a hundred different directions. Not content with
+athletics and hunting, the boy will want to collect stamps or birds'
+eggs, to make a motor-boat and learn telegraphy; to take photographs
+and try his hand at the cornet; to experiment in chemistry and stuff
+an owl. Not content with dancing, sewing and cooking, the girl will
+want to master several poets and make attempts at painting; she will
+want to become more proficient at the piano and do some singing; she
+will want her share of photography and athletics, and would try her
+hand at writing a novel. All these things seem so distracting to us
+that we fear either that the young person will become a superficial
+dabbler or will fail to settle down to something serious. But much
+is to be said in favor of letting every girl and boy do as near to
+everything he or she wants to do as possible. Expertness can come
+later when a choice of a specialty has been made. Now is the time
+for touching life at as many points as possible, for acquiring
+breadth of outlook and range of sympathy and interest. Now
+especially is the time for trying out the individual's capacities--
+which may lie quite beyond the range of the conventional pursuits of
+the family or the neighborhood. It is the time for self-discovery,
+and to this end every bit of help that can come from the home and
+from the church, from the school and from the community, from direct
+experience and from literature, should be utilized.
+
+The danger of early specialization is shown to us when we
+contemplate men and women who have no interests beyond their rather
+narrow routine occupations, who have no sympathies beyond their
+rather narrow set of intimates, who have no appreciation of human
+character and human service beyond the small circle into which they
+settled in their teens, and from which they can by no possibility be
+drawn. It is because the formation of new habits becomes
+increasingly difficult after the sixteenth or seventeenth year that
+narrow prejudices and biased opinions should be avoided by
+participation in the broadest variety of activities and
+associations. Before the conflicting moods and tendencies are
+finally welded into a consistent whole the girl or boy should make a
+part of his personality as many sources of enthusiasm, as many kinds
+of interest, as many lines of sympathy as possible. In a few years
+the character begins to "set," and the _size_ of the character
+will be in large part determined by the number and variety of
+emotional, intellectual, sensory, and muscular elements that have
+been developed during this adolescent period.
+
+One of the characteristics of this age is the tendency to hero
+worship. It is so difficult to know in advance what types of heroes
+our children are going to select that we are inclined to feel quite
+helpless in the matter. But it is safe to say that earlier training
+is sure to have its effects, although we cannot always measure the
+effect. A boy in whom a keen sense of honor shows itself before
+adolescence is not likely to adopt a hero in whom there is a
+suspicion of anything sneaky. The new flood of emotions brings with
+it a host of new aspirations and new ideals; and some of these are
+likely enough to conflict with the older childish ideals. It is
+therefore of the utmost importance that the reading--which is
+perhaps the chief source of model heroes for most children--should
+be of a wholesome kind. This does not mean that the stories must be
+about paragons of virtue; the villains of fiction and history have
+their value in teaching life and character, and we need not fear
+that they will contaminate the minds of the young, for in most
+children the instincts may be relied upon to reject the allurement
+of the base character. But fiction that is false in its sentiment,
+that does not present truthful pictures of life, is likely to give
+perverted ideas of human relations and false standards of value.
+City children who have access to the theatre often get their heroes
+from the stage; and the same thing may be said about the drama as
+about fiction. It is only the too highly colored and exaggerated
+melodrama that is likely to be objectionable for the impressionable
+youth. The moving-picture shows, which are coming to supply so many
+of the children with their chief opportunity to learn life, have
+been, on the whole, fairly wholesome; and the movement to secure
+more adequate censorship of the films will probably leave these
+sources of instruction perfectly safe, from a moral point of view,
+so far as concerns the knowledge of life that the adolescent gets.
+The only real danger from the "movies" and the theatres is likely to
+be the cultivation of the habit of passive entertainment.
+
+And this suggests another source of puzzles of adolescence. In the
+alternating moods of excessive exertion and indolence there is the
+possibility of girls and boys learning the value of alternation of
+work and play and rest. But there is also the danger of acquiring
+the habit of resting all the time, and leaving not only the work for
+others, but also the activity of play. It is much better for
+children to rest because they are tired than because they are lazy.
+And, while it is true that the instincts are all for activity, it is
+easy enough for the growing individual to acquire the habit of
+passive absorption of whatever amusement is provided. It is better,
+then, for the young people to get their entertainment out of
+theatricals than out of the theatre, out of playing games than out
+of watching games, out of having adventures in the woods and in the
+water than out of reading about them. And, in every way, the most
+reliable safety-valve of the period is constant activity, as this is
+the best outlet for the many and conflicting emotions which are the
+source of the chief difficulties. When Arthur shows signs of getting
+restless it is a great comfort to be able to send him off on some
+errand, or to give him a definite task to do. But it is also a great
+service to the boy, for while he is at the work there is being used
+up the nervous energy that would otherwise appear at the surface as
+another "spell." And this principle is just as true for girls as it
+is for boys. Only you cannot send the girl to a piece of work
+requiring great bodily exertion--nor does she need this so much.
+
+Work is not only a satisfactory safety-valve for the emotions in
+general, but it is especially valuable as a means of diverting the
+thoughts and feelings from the growing consciousness of sex.
+
+One of the reasons why it now becomes more difficult for even
+thoughtful and considerate parents to keep in close sympathy with
+the boy or girl is this outburst of new and varied interests, which
+clamor for movement and color and quick changes. The parent has in
+the course of years settled down to a relatively small group of
+activities and interests, most of which offer no appeal to the
+growing individual. For instance, you would like to come close to
+the thoughts and feelings of your growing son or daughter; you
+suggest that you take a walk together. Now, it is very nice for a
+middle-aged person to take a walk, alone or with a companion; but
+the girl or boy sees no sense in taking a walk unless you wish to
+get somewhere. The ordinary conversation and gossip that a girl is
+likely to hear when you take her to visit a friend is apt to be very
+stupid--to the girl. Even where the parents have watched the
+expanding soul closely on the one hand, and have kept themselves in
+touch with a variety of activities rich in human interests on the
+other, they often find that the intimacy with their children is for
+a time weakened, and fully restored only after the latter have
+passed through these trying years.
+
+What is likely to be the greatest source of grief on the part of the
+parent is the apparent lapse of the growing boy or girl from
+standards of honesty and truthfulness with which she has so
+solicitously tried to imbue him or her. But this lapse during the
+critical growing period is so widespread, so common among boys and
+girls who afterward become fine men and women, that special students
+of the problem have come to believe that semi-criminality is quite
+normal, at least for boys, at this age. Now, while some children are
+perhaps by nature incapable of attaining to a satisfactory moral
+level, most children will, under suitable surroundings, grow away
+from this state of lying and stealing; but under adverse conditions
+these distressing features of their behavior may become habitual.
+Suitable surroundings and treatment would here consist of the
+presence of good models and high ideals, sympathetic help in
+resisting temptation, and not in a harsh denunciation of each
+unapproved act as evidence of turpitude and perversion. You need not
+assume that there _is_ perversion until that is demonstrated
+beyond any doubt. For, if the child is morally redeemable, he should
+be treated like one who is weak and who needs help until the
+difficulties are mastered; otherwise you are likely to encourage in
+him the feeling that he is hopeless, and he will relax all effort
+for his own self-mastery.
+
+Along with the emotions related to romantic love there is a rapid
+development of the religious side of the nature, of a consciousness
+of the race as a whole, of a spirit of chivalry and disinterestedness--
+all emotions that bear a tremendous motive power which needs to be
+guided into suitable channels. Never before and never again has the
+individual the endurance and the energy for such self-sacrifice, for
+such devotion, for such exertion in behalf of the purest of ideals. At
+the same time, the increased sensitiveness shrinks from every sneer
+and every evidence of misunderstanding or unsympathetic reproof. It is
+therefore unwise to tease the girl or boy about the "friend" of the
+opposite sex; it is cruel to sneer at their ambitions, and it may be
+positively demoralizing to ridicule their ideals.
+
+A mother of unusual intelligence, who had devoted herself not only
+to the routine work connected with her household and the care of her
+children, but had made special efforts to keep informed on what was
+going on in the world of thought and practical affairs, and who had
+a busy life of varied activities, was walking along a city street
+with her youngest son--just fifteen. The adolescent, who was rather
+free in his comments on what went on around him, made this pretty
+little speech to his mother:
+
+"Mother, I think you have a very petty mind. Here you fuss around
+trying to help out that poor V---- family by getting together
+clothing for the children, and an odd job for the old man once in a
+while. And you have been trying to raise a fund to complete the
+education of the W---- boy, and all things of that kind. But all you
+have done does not help to solve the problem of poverty."
+
+The mother, who had indeed been carrying on these various good
+works, alongside of many other activities, naturally resented the
+criticism of her son. But what she minded most was the "inconsistency"
+of the boy when, a few minutes later, they passed a street preacher
+with a crowd about him. They could not hear what the man was saying,
+but the wise young adolescent remarked, "I wish I had some money to
+help that fellow with."
+
+Now, thinks the mother, what do you know about this man's purposes;
+what is he working for?
+
+The boy did not know; but he wanted to do something "to help the
+cause." What cause, he did not know--and did not care; for him it
+was enough that here a man is devoting himself to a cause.
+
+And this incident illustrates nearly everything that makes the
+adolescent so puzzling and so exasperating to older people.
+
+First of all, he had gotten hold of a large idea, which he could not
+by any possibility understand in all its bearings; and on the basis
+of this he criticises the charitable efforts of his mother and,
+indeed, of her whole generation. Not only does he criticise the
+prevailing, modes of philanthropic effort, but he condemns these
+good people as having "petty" minds--because they do not all see
+what he has seen, perhaps for as long as a day or two. His attitude
+is not reasoned out, but arises from the deepest feelings of
+sympathy for the great tragedy of poverty, which he takes in at one
+sweep without patience for the details of individual poor people.
+Then the preacher on the street corner, exposing himself to the
+gibes and sneers of the unsympathetic crowd, appeals to him
+instantly as a self-sacrificing champion of some "cause." It is his
+religious feelings, his chivalric feelings, that are reached; he
+would himself become a missionary, and the missionary is a hero that
+appeals especially to the adolescent. There is no inconsistency
+between his disapproval of specific acts of charity and his approval
+of the preacher of an unknown cause. In both instances he gives
+voice to his feelings for the larger, comprehensive ideals that are
+just surging to the surface of his consciousness.
+
+This is the period in which you will one day complain that the young
+person is giving altogether too much time and thought to details of
+dress and fashion, only to remonstrate a few days later about his
+careless or even slovenly appearance. On the whole, however, the
+interest in dress and appearance will grow, because as the
+adolescent boy or girl becomes conscious of his own personality he
+thinks more and more of the appearance of his person, and especially
+of how it appears to others. There is even the danger that the boy
+will become a fop or a dandy, and that the girl will take to
+overdressing. Argument is of little avail in such cases. The
+association with persons of good taste who will arouse the
+admiration or affection of the growing child will do more than hours
+of sermons. If the boy can realize that one may be a fine man
+without wearing the latest style in collars, or if the girl finds a
+thoroughly admirable and lovable woman who does not observe the
+customs of fashion too much, neither ridicule nor protest will be
+necessary.
+
+In general, the adolescent will give us exercise in patience and in
+imagination and in ingenuity. He will puzzle us and perplex us as
+well as exasperate us. But if we cannot remember back to our own
+golden age, we must try as best we can to believe that even this
+will pass away.
+
+
+
+
+XIV.
+
+HEREDITY AND ENVIRONMENT
+
+With special assistance from
+BENJAMIN CHARLES GRUENBERG, Ph.D.
+
+
+The frequent appearance of the "black sheep" in a flock of tolerably
+white sheep, the frequent failure of the best efforts of parents and
+teachers to make a fairly decent man out of a promising boy, have
+led many to question whether, after all, the pains and effort are
+worth while. We have come to question the wisdom of bothering about
+"environment"; just as we sometimes question the existence of a
+principle called "heredity." Every day some one asks the question,
+"Do you believe in heredity?" And many times a day people discuss,
+"Which is more important, heredity or environment?"
+
+These are certainly _practical_ questions for parents, since
+the answers we receive must influence our practice or conduct in
+relation to the children. If we felt quite sure that heredity was
+everything and environment nothing, we should reduce our school
+appropriations and build larger jails and asylums, or we should
+resign ourselves as best we could to letting "nature take her
+course." On the other hand, if we felt sure that heredity was
+nothing and environment everything, we should proceed at once to
+double our school equipment, raise the teachers' salaries, convert
+our penal institutions into reformatories and our armories into
+recreation centres, and advance the age of compulsory education just
+as far as we thought we could afford to.
+
+Those who place the emphasis upon heredity, in the attempt to
+discredit the value of thoughtful and painstaking control of the
+environment of the developing child, usually remind us that a man
+like Lincoln achieved power and distinction in spite of what we
+would ordinarily consider serious obstacles to complete development,
+whereas thousands of college graduates who have had all the
+advantages that trained tutors and guarded surroundings can give
+have developed into mediocre men and women--have even developed into
+vicious and criminal men and women. They will remind us that from a
+class of children that had the same teachers for many years has
+emerged a group of very distinct men and women; they will remind us
+that brothers and sisters with the identical "environment" turn out
+to be so different.
+
+On the other hand, those who see nothing in "heredity" will point to
+the same Lincoln and ask confidently why his ancestors and his
+descendants do not show the same degree of power and achievement.
+They will point to the same family of brothers and sisters who had
+the same "heredity" and ask why they all turned out so differently.
+The black sheep proves just as much--and just as little--for one
+side of the argument as it does for the other.
+
+There are, it is true, many people who say that they "do not
+believe" in either heredity or environment. Such people see the
+difficulties of the disputants and reject both alternatives. They
+prefer to say frankly that they do not understand the situation;
+that life is too complex to be solved by puny human intellects. Or
+they resort to some equally unintelligible explanation, such as
+"Fate" or "Nature"--which is but another way of saying that we never
+_can_ understand. On the other side stands the scientist who
+refuses to shut his eyes to _any_ established facts, and
+insists upon trying to understand as much as possible, though he may
+never hope to understand all.
+
+But no one is prepared to say authoritatively that either heredity
+or environment is the exclusive or even the predominant factor in
+determining the character of the individual. Indeed, the voice of
+the scientist, which is the only authoritative voice we have in such
+matters, is telling us very plainly that the whole question of
+"heredity _or_ environment" is not a real question at all: we
+are confronted in every child with a case of heredity _and_
+environment, and the practical question is how to control the latter
+so as to get the most from the former.
+
+To begin, then, in a modest way to understand what is understandable,
+in the faith that understanding will grow with thought and
+observation, is the first duty of those who are not content to fold
+their hands in resignation or despair. We know that we can control
+wherever we have real knowledge. The cook knows that she cannot make
+roast duck out of pork chops; but she knows also that she can make
+palatable and digestible pork chops by proceeding in one way, and that
+she can make tough and sickening pork chops out of the same materials
+by changing her procedure. In the same way the scientific approach to
+the problem of child training teaches us that, while we cannot make a
+"swan out of a goose," we can make the gosling into a better goose or
+a poorer goose by the treatment we apply to it.
+
+A frequent source of doubt and misunderstanding is the universal
+occurrence of such distinct types among brothers and sisters. The
+query at once arises, "Have not these children the same heredity?"
+Brothers and sisters have the same ancestors, but not the same
+heredity. Recent biological discoveries teach us that the individual
+develops from a bundle of units derived from the two parents, but the
+units supplied by a parent never represent the totality of the
+parents' composition, nor do all the units that are passed on come to
+manifest themselves as parts of the character. The parent passes on
+sample units from her or his own inheritance, so that no two
+combinations are ever exactly alike. It is a commonplace observation
+that Johnny may have his maternal grandmother's chin, his paternal
+grandmother's eyes, his father's walk, his Uncle George's lips, his
+Aunt Mary's sharp tongue, his grandfather's alertness, and his
+mother's good judgment. Of course, he has _not_ his grandmother's eyes
+or his uncle's lips: these relatives still retain their respective
+facial organs, and his father still has his quick temper. What Johnny
+has inherited is a something, perhaps in the nature of a ferment,
+which _determines_ the color of his eyes, a certain something that
+makes his lips develop into that particular shape, a certain something
+that causes his brain to respond to annoyance in the same manner as
+that of his Aunt Mary's. And the various ancestors and relatives have
+received from their parents similar determining factors that have
+manifested themselves in similar peculiarities. We do not inherit from
+our relatives, or even from our parents: we are built up of the same
+elements as those of which our relatives are built, but each one of us
+has received his individual combination of factors. Hence, no two
+brothers or sisters are exactly alike, although they have the same
+parents and the same ancestors.
+
+While it is universally recognized that no two individuals are
+exactly alike, we are not at all clear in our minds as to whether
+the important differences arise from differences in experience or
+_nurture_, or from essential differences in _nature_. We
+know that children of the same parents are essentially different
+from birth, and that no matter how similar the treatment they
+receive afterward they will always remain different, or even become
+more different as they become older. It is becoming more clear every
+day, as a result of scientific study, that every individual is
+absolutely unique, excepting only "true" twins.
+
+If we accept this individuality of the person as a fact, what, then,
+is the importance of training or environment? Does not this
+admission settle at once the contention of those who see no value at
+all in a carefully-controlled environment? If this child is
+_born_ without mathematical ability, what is the use of
+drumming arithmetic into his head; or, if he is _born_ with
+musical genius, why should we bother about teaching him music?--he
+will "take" to it naturally.
+
+The answer to these and similar questions is to be found in the
+answer to another question, namely, "What is it precisely that the
+child is born with?" Surely no child is ever born with the ability
+to dance or sing or to do sums in algebra. When we say that a child
+has musical genius we mean merely that as he develops we may notice
+in him a certain capacity to acquire musical knowledge more readily
+than most other children do, or a certain disposition to express
+himself in melody, or a certain liking for music in some form, or a
+certain readiness to acquire control of musical instruments. In
+other words, the child is born with a capacity for acquiring certain
+things, from the outside, that is, from the environment--he is born
+with certain possibilities, which can become actualities only if the
+suitable conditions are provided. In the same way one child is born
+with a capacity for exceptional muscular development, and another
+for exceptional self-mastery. But in every case practice makes
+perfect, the muscles must be properly nourished and exercised, the
+will must be trained--and that means suitable environment.
+
+Now, while every individual is unique, not every child is a born
+genius. The distinctiveness of each child lies in the fact that he
+consists of a _combination_ of capacities and tendencies, each
+of which varies in degree when compared with other individuals. For
+example, Evelyn has about the same capacity for physical work as
+Annie, but she stands lower than the latter in arithmetic and higher
+in language work. John shows about the same physical power as Henry,
+when measured by running and jumping and chinning; but John can hit
+the ball with his bat more times out of a hundred than Henry can,
+whereas Henry can hit the bull's-eye with his rifle more times out
+of a hundred than John can. In a thousand details any two children
+differ from each other, one excelling in nearly half of the points,
+the other excelling perhaps in about as many, and the two standing
+almost exactly alike in some matters.
+
+A child that excels most of his colleagues in one or a few points is
+said to have marked ability in that direction--as the exceptional
+athlete, or the child with exceptional literary or moral feeling. On
+the other hand, a child that seems to measure well up to the average
+in most points, and even to excel in a few, may fall far short in
+some matters,--that is, may be deficient. Thus a perfectly good
+child in every other way may be unable to master the ordinary
+requirements in arithmetic, or a child may have an entirely
+satisfactory development in every way and be deficient in musical
+discrimination.
+
+Another kind of difference is to be found in what may be called
+general capacity. Some children show higher capacity than the
+average along nearly every line that can be measured or tested,
+without showing a preponderance in any one direction. Such children
+are said to be of high grade, or of high "vitality." In the same way
+many children are below the average in nearly every line, without
+being particularly defective along any one line. They can do one
+thing about as well as another, just as the high-grade boys and
+girls can do one thing about as well as another; but in the former
+there is a limit to the possible development which is exceeded in
+the latter. Among both classes of children the full development
+depends upon suitable environment, but what is suitable for one may
+not be suitable for the other.
+
+From a consideration of these differences in degree and difference
+in kind we may see that there is no course of training or treatment,
+no method of instruction, no trick for the mother or for the teacher
+that will be usable for all children under all circumstances, to
+make them all come up to some preconceived uniform standard. On the
+other hand, if we consider the differences as worth developing, and
+even emphasizing, it must be obvious that the training and the
+treatment should be adapted to the individual child so far as
+possible. Starting out with essentially different human beings,
+uniform treatment will not make them all alike, nor will _any_
+treatment make them all alike. But starting out with a particular
+human being, we can learn to treat him in such a way as to make him
+develop into a more desirable person than he would become if he were
+neglected or if he were treated differently. And that is the main
+problem, after all.
+
+The relation between heredity and environment may perhaps be made
+clear by an extreme illustration from the physical side. Here are
+two full-grown men, both five feet and four inches tall. We observe
+that they are both short. Now, the shortness of one of them turns
+out to be the result of heredity,--that is, he belongs to a strain
+of short people. No amount of feeding or of exercise or of special
+regime could have made him more than a quarter or half an inch
+taller. The other man, however, belongs to a race of rather taller
+men and women: his shortness of stature may be traced to
+undernutrition, or to overwork, or to sickness during his childhood.
+It is quite certain that a different kind of environment would have
+resulted in his being as tall as his brothers and sisters.
+
+Now, the problem of training concerns itself practically not so much
+with the person who is particularly "long" by nature, nor so much
+with the person who is unusually "short" by nature--and we may apply
+"long" and "short" to every other trait as well as to stature. The
+problem with these extremes is simply to keep the child in good
+health. The special efforts of the teacher and of the parent are
+devoted to giving the child who appears somewhat below the average
+in some particular those special stimulations and exercises and
+feedings that will bring him up to the average. We find the
+extremely short too discouraging, and the extremely long do not
+clamor for our attention; but it is those near the middle-point that
+we want to help over to the other side of the dividing line. And
+this is just as true of an undesirable character as it is of a
+desirable one. We take no trouble to teach honesty to the child that
+seems instinctively honest; and we give up in despair with the child
+that convinces us of his utter lack of a moral sense: we concentrate
+our efforts upon the delinquents whom we catch early, or upon those
+who are in danger of sliding down if they are not helped along.
+
+Perhaps one reason for the great confusion on this subject arises out
+of the fact that we have become accustomed to making a sharp
+distinction between physical characters on the one hand and so-called
+mental and moral qualities on the other. Every one recognizes family
+resemblances in physical features. A particular shape of nose or a
+peculiarity of the hand appears in every member of the family,
+sometimes for several successive generations. Facts like these we
+accept as evidence of "heredity" without any question. We also
+recognize that the Joneses of Centerville always take the measles
+"hard," whereas with the Andersons vaccination never "takes." But when
+it comes to mental qualities, which we are not accustomed to measure
+or to recognize with the same degree of discrimination, most of us
+fail to see that heredity is just as common for these as for physical
+traits. Moreover, mental qualities take on such a great variety of
+forms that their recognition is made doubly difficult. Thus it may be
+the same mental traits that make of a certain man a successful lawyer,
+of his brother an able scientist, and of their cousin a clever
+criminal. No doubt each of these three men has qualities in a degree
+lacking in the others; but the point is that they have many qualities
+in common which are obscured by the different lines of development
+they have followed.
+
+The old parable of the wheat cast upon the ground may help us. That
+which falls upon stony ground fails of germination; that which falls
+upon poor soil will germinate, but will die of drought or be
+scorched by the sun; that which falls upon good soil will develop
+into a good plant. The _kind_ of plant that may develop is
+determined by the seed, by heredity; _how_ the plant will
+develop is determined by the surrounding conditions, by the
+environment. On the physical side these facts are so familiar to us
+that we never question the connection between development and food,
+or between development and exercise, or between development and
+other physical conditions. Of course, we say, an undernourished
+child will never be strong; of course, an overworked child will
+never be strong, of course, drinking and smoking and other
+dissipation will prevent healthy development. And yet, do we not
+know that of two underfed children, one will show the ill effects
+more than the other; that of two overworked children, one will
+survive abuse with less permanent injury than the other.
+
+We must, then, have clear in our minds the idea that everything that
+happens to a child and that may produce a reaction or an effect is
+worth considering from the point of view of its influence upon his
+development. Indeed, instead of discussing heredity _versus_
+environment, we should try to conceive of the personality of the
+child as made up of the effect of a certain heredity responding to a
+certain environment. For example, the child inherits the instinct to
+handle things. At a certain age this instinct will take the form of
+handling objects within reach, and of breaking them. We cannot say
+that the child has an instinct for breaking vases or tearing books;
+he has simply the instinct to _do_ something with material that
+he can handle. Now, it is possible for the child to exercise this
+instinct only on material that can be broken or torn; it is also
+possible for the child to exercise it on material that can be
+manipulated constructively--as blocks for building, clay for
+shaping, or, later, tools of various kinds. In one case the child
+establishes habits of tearing or breaking; in the other the same
+instincts--the same "heredity," that is--issues in habits of
+_making_. Or we may take the instinct of curiosity, which every
+normal child will manifest at an early stage. This instinct may find
+exercise in wondering what is in parcels or closed cupboards; or it
+may exercise itself in wondering about the thunder and the flowers
+and the things under the earth; or it may be quite suppressed by
+discouragement or by unsatisfying indulgence. Thus the same instinct
+may lead under different treatments to different results. This does
+not mean that every child has the making of an investigator; it
+means that a perfectly healthy instinct capable of being turned to
+good use is often perverted or crushed out because we have not
+learned to cultivate it profitably through control of the growing
+child's development.
+
+There is abundant evidence that the mental and moral capacities are
+inherited in the same way as the purely physical or physiological
+ones. We have, however, much more to learn about how to control the
+development of the former than about the control of the latter. Yet
+this point should be clear to every parent and teacher; whatever the
+child's inheritance may be, the full development of his capacities
+is possible only under suitable external conditions. What these
+conditions are depends upon the combination of capacities that the
+particular child possesses. But to find out what these capacities
+are we must give the child an opportunity to show "what's in him."
+This we can do by placing him in an environment simple enough for
+him to adjust himself to readily, and at the same time complex
+enough to give every side of his nature a chance to respond. This is
+the significance of modern educational movements that seek to leave
+the child untrammelled in his responses to what goes on around him.
+We have learned that some children will become tall and that others
+will never reach beyond a certain height; we seek merely to keep
+them healthy by suitable feeding, exercise, rest, bathing, etc. But
+in the matter of mental development we have not yet learned that it
+is impossible for all children to reach the same degree of
+linguistic or mathematical or artistic development, and we try to
+bring all of them up to our preconceived standard of what a child
+_should_ do in each line. The thing that we need to find out is
+what a particular child _can_ do; and then we must give him the
+opportunity and the encouragement to do his best. The things we
+encourage him to do will be the basis for the habits which he will
+form, for the skill which he will acquire--and so for the activities
+that will yield him satisfaction and determine his behavior in
+relation to others. That is, the things the child learns to do well
+will determine what kind of a person he will be when he grows up.
+
+But it would be a mistake to suppose that every child is born with a
+set of special aptitudes that fit him for some particular occupation.
+Many children do indeed have rather special types of native ability,
+as the child of artistic proclivities, or the "natural born" preacher.
+And, on the other hand, many children are born with marked
+shortcomings in their makeup, although these "deficiencies" need not
+always interfere with their developing into excellent men and women.
+For example, a child may be color-blind, or incapable of mastering a
+foreign language in school, or awkward in doing work requiring great
+skill--and yet capable of doing high-grade work in other lines. Those
+children that have strongly-marked proclivities--which usually show
+themselves early in life and which are commonly associated with strong
+likes and dislikes--will no doubt do the most effective work along the
+lines of their native talents. And those with marked deficiencies
+should certainly not be directed into occupations wherein the lacking
+talents are essential for success. But the great mass of children vary
+from each other not so much in the directions along which their
+special abilities lie as in the degree to which they are capable of
+developing the ordinary abilities which they do have. For such
+children the choice of an occupation cannot wisely be made very early
+in life, nor should a very special choice be made until there has been
+an opportunity to try out a large variety of activities and processes.
+Indeed, even for the child of decided genius it is desirable that
+there be a chance to try out many kinds of activities, both physical
+and mental. This is desirable not so much in the hope of counteracting
+his special bent on the theory of supplying exercise for the functions
+that are not to his liking as for the purpose of giving him an
+opportunity to find out _all_ he can do, and to give us a chance to
+find out all he can do well.
+
+Even children who pass as "average" children, however, may be
+divided into classes according to the variations in their native
+capacities. That is to say, some children, although not exhibiting
+any special talents or special deficiencies, are nevertheless more
+easily adjusted to doing muscular work than others; some are more
+happy in the manipulation of numbers; some show greater patience;
+some are more easily fatigued by the repetition of a process; some
+cannot stand on their feet for long periods without suffering, and
+so on. These differences should certainly be taken into
+consideration, first of all, in the treatment accorded them in the
+school and at home, in what is required of them, in the selection of
+studies, etc. And, in the second place, these facts should be
+considered in the choice of general fields of occupation. It would
+be the height of cruelty and of injustice to insist upon Walter's
+preparing for and entering his father's business--just to keep up
+the family tradition--when a little attention to the boy's work in
+school and to his play and to his personal preferences and tastes
+would show that he was eminently unsuited for the business, and at
+the same time well suited for some technical pursuit such as
+engineering. Untold misery and failure spring from our negligence in
+these matters, no less than from our direction of the child's
+development in accordance with the parents' ambitions rather than in
+accordance with the child's discoverable abilities and disabilities.
+
+How far short our ordinary training falls of giving our various
+capacities their full development is shown by the exquisite
+acuteness of touch and of hearing acquired by children who become
+blind in infancy. The senses of touch and hearing are here developed
+so far beyond what ordinary persons ever attain that the belief is
+quite common that one who is defective in one sense has been
+compensated by "nature" with special capacity in the other senses.
+As a matter of fact, however, the extreme development is not the
+result of special endowment or "heredity," but altogether the result
+of special training or "environment."
+
+There is a certain sense in which the idea of heredity impresses one
+with a paralyzing feeling of inevitableness. When a child is born
+his sex is irrevocably fixed; the character of his eyes and of his
+hair, the form of his features and the ridges on his finger-tips are
+unalterable except through mutilation or disease. But up to a
+certain limit the child will grow just in proportion to the nurture
+that he receives. And what that limit is we may not know until we
+find out through years of patient effort, through endless trying out
+in every direction. He will grow farther in some directions than in
+others, and the _limit_ in each direction is the element of
+destiny supplied by heredity. Very few, however, reach their limit
+in many directions, and no person has ever reached his limit in
+every direction. The distance we do actually go depends, in
+practice, altogether upon the kind of environment that is supplied.
+This environment, so far as the growing child is concerned, is
+entirely within our control, and we have no right to give up our
+efforts and to shift the responsibility to unsatisfactory heredity
+until we are quite sure that all has been done that suitable
+surroundings and treatment--suitable "environment"--can do. We must
+watch and wait, and work hard while we wait and watch.
+
+
+
+
+XV.
+
+FREEDOM AND DISCIPLINE
+
+
+Is it not strange that "school," which we provide for our beloved
+children for their own good, at so great a cost of thought and
+money, should be so little appreciated by them? Is it not strange
+that "school," which is intended to give power and freedom, should
+be looked upon by the children as no better than a prison--a good
+place from which to escape?
+
+We grown folks know how valuable school and training and discipline
+are. Do we not sometimes sigh that we had not more of these
+blessings in our own childhood? Or that we did not take advantage of
+the little we had? If the children only knew--perhaps they would not
+so eagerly seek to escape into what they vainly imagine to be
+"freedom." Perhaps.
+
+Grown folks who have thought about the matter know, of course, that
+"freedom" is something different from merely being left alone. They
+know that freedom is a state to be attained only through effort.
+They know that freedom results from a discipline which makes a
+person the master of his impulses, instead of leaving him their
+slave. They know that the freedom worth striving for is freedom from
+our own caprices and moods, from our blindness and ignorance and
+passions. It is for this reason that we value discipline, quite
+apart from anything that it may contribute to our ability to live
+harmoniously with others, quite apart from anything it may do to
+increase our power in an economic sense.
+
+But if discipline is the means for attaining freedom, how does it
+come about that in the past (and for most people to-day) discipline
+has appeared as a method of _compelling_ children to do the
+right thing--"until they have the habit"? How does it come about
+that discipline, in the minds of most people, consists so largely of
+_restraining_ children from doing undesirable acts--until they
+are well started into the safe age of discretion? The reason seems
+to be that the need for discipline or training makes itself most
+quickly felt where children--or older people--infringe upon the
+rights of others, or upon the proprieties. We miss discipline where
+a child fails of self-restraint, acts impulsively, or loses his
+temper. In short, failure of early training is indicated wherever
+there is lack of self-control, or a lack of proper application to
+the business in hand. It is therefore natural that discipline should
+early take the form of commanding and prohibiting.
+
+It is but a short step from this view of discipline to the
+philosophy that what children do spontaneously, what they like to
+do, must be wrong. And the complement to this is the feeling that
+virtue and character can arise only from doing what is disagreeable
+or difficult.
+
+But the newer studies in the psychology of childhood lead to a
+totally different theory of character formation. And many
+experiments made in schools and institutions confirm these new
+theories at every point. Moreover, if we look about, perhaps even in
+our own homes, I am sure we can all find abundant support for the
+modern view.
+
+The new studies have to do with the relation that our emotions bear
+to our activities and especially to the formation of habits. To
+learn to do a thing, we have known for ages, we must practise
+continuously and uniformly. But we did not know that the state of
+feelings connected with the performance of the act had anything to
+do with the result. Richard must master the scales in his music
+study. These scales can be mastered in only one way--he must play
+them over and over and over again, until he just has them. But
+suppose Richard does not care to practise the scales over and over
+and over again? Suppose that he does not care whether he ever
+masters the scales or not. Well, he can be _made_ to practise,
+at any rate; and perhaps some day he will thank his elders for
+having thus forced upon him the extremely valuable but unappreciated
+command of the scales.
+
+But what happens in the course of this forced practise? There is
+resentment, and antagonism and a growing hatred of scales, of the
+man who first vented scales, of sloping rows of notes on the page of
+music. And this resentment is more likely to prevent a real mastery
+of the task than the enforced practise is to ensure it. The
+antagonism will, at any rate, counteract the value of the practise
+to a large degree. The third element in the fixation of habits that
+we have heretofore too generally disregarded is that of
+_satisfaction_; this is no less important than regularity and
+frequency of action.
+
+The absence of satisfaction, to say nothing of the presence of
+opposite feelings, is of itself sufficient to prevent effective
+learning, whether of knowledge or of skill. And when the opposite
+feelings are present, the acquired act or idea tends to be pushed
+out of the system at the earliest opportunity. It is in some such
+way as this that many specialists in the workings of the human mind
+would explain so much of our "forgetting." They say that we forget
+either because we really wish to forget--the facts are unpleasant--
+or because we do not sufficiently care to remember--the facts are
+not sufficiently interesting, they do not sufficiently concern us.
+
+Out of the psychological facts pertaining to the relation of the
+feeling state to the learning process and to the habit-forming
+process, is developed the doctrine of "interest" in education. The
+very name "interest" suggests to many that this must be some plan
+for sugar-coating education, or perhaps for giving children only
+what they like. And this is quite the opposite of the traditional
+view which is expressed by the humorist who said, "It does not
+matter much what you teach a boy, so long as he doesn't like it."
+But the idea of interest in modern psychology does not mean letting
+the child have his own way, any more than discipline means doing
+only what is unpleasant or difficult.
+
+We can see the basic truth at the foundation of this view in the
+age-long usage of the race, which awards prizes and penalties for
+"good" actions and "evil" actions, respectively. If you should be
+asked "_Why_ did you reward Maryann," "_Why_ did you punish Henry;"
+you would no doubt say something like this: If we reward a child for
+doing what we approve, he is more likely to do that sort of thing
+again; if we punish, or impose unpleasant consequences, upon acts that
+we disapprove, such acts are less likely to be repeated. In other
+words, we have known right along that _satisfaction_ somehow leads the
+child to repeat the conditions that brought about the satisfaction;
+and that suffering somehow leads the child to avoid the conditions
+that brought about the suffering.
+
+What the new psychology does here is to unify what we have known. We
+say not the performance of an act alone will establish a habit; not
+the repetition alone will establish it; not the subsequent
+satisfaction alone. All of these factors must take part, and they
+must take part in association. The feeling must accompany the act.
+It is not sufficient that Richard be assured that some time in the
+vague future he will derive deep satisfaction from being master of
+the scales; he must somehow be made to feel a present concern either
+in what he is doing, or a real interest in the outcome. The time
+that is to elapse between the beginning of his "practice" and the
+satisfaction he is to receive must not be beyond the child's power
+to appreciate.
+
+In our actual dealing with children our experience leads us to make
+use of these principles, often without realizing all that is
+implied. For example, when the young child by your side shows signs
+of weariness, and you still have some distance to go, you try to
+stimulate his interest by telling him of the good things to come at
+journey's end. If this does not serve your purpose, you draw his
+attention to the bird on the tree only a hundred feet away, or you
+challenge him to race with you to the next telegraph post. And if
+you challenge him to such a race, you are sensible enough to let him
+win it, for you know very well that nothing will discourage him so
+much as defeat--that is, the unpleasant feeling of failure; and you
+know that nothing will stimulate him quite as much as the
+satisfaction of defeating you. In other words, you set before him
+one goal after another, each but a small fraction of the main
+journey, and each within the appreciation of the child, and each
+offering a satisfactory conclusion that is readily and eagerly
+seized as _worth striving for_, here and now.
+
+Now it may be asked, what discipline is there in doing always what
+brings satisfaction? How can the children ever learn to do the
+disagreeable but necessary tasks that make up so large a part of
+every-day living? Where will they ever learn that some things must
+be done, not because we like to do them, but because it is our duty
+to do them? And these are indeed serious questions. There are two
+sets of answers. One of them consists of the results actually
+achieved in dealing with children from the new point of view. The
+other is a challenge to make clear just what we mean by discipline
+and task and duty.
+
+To take the latter first, is it not true that one part of our object
+is in the form of acquired knowledge and acquired skill? Practising
+the scales, or studying the multiplication table is not an end in
+itself. We require study and practice because we believe that the
+knowledge or the skill is worth having. Now it has been shown over
+and over again that what is learned with satisfaction sticks; and
+what is learned with pain is thrown overboard the first minute the
+watchman is off his guard. Are the names of writers with the titles
+of their books less well remembered by children who learn them
+through the game of "Authors" than they are by children who might be
+required to memorize them from a catalog? Are the sums and products
+of numbers acquired in keeping scores of games less accurate and
+less permanent in the mind of the child than the same sums and
+products learned as school exercises? Is the skill acquired in
+handling tools--sewing costumes, or making scenery for an amateur
+play--any less effective or less lasting than the skill acquired in
+sewing yards of stitches or sawing yards of board just for
+"exercise" in a class? On the contrary, other things being equal,
+arithmetic and authors and sewing and tinkering can be made both
+more effective and more lasting when associated with pleasurable
+feelings than when performed under strain, compulsion and
+resentment. If it is only a question of "learning" this or that,
+there is no doubt that the pleasant way is in every respect the
+better way.
+
+But, of course, it is not merely a question of learning the specific
+skill or knowledge. There is also the need for learning application,
+persistence through difficulties, endurance, and the other hardy
+virtues that distinguish a disciplined character. And here the
+contrast between the old attitude and the new is most marked. We can
+certainly force children to do what is disagreeable; we can hold
+them to their tasks when they are tempted to abandon the monotonous
+and wearisome round of uninteresting drudgery. But is this the only
+way to get for the children experience with such necessary, though
+unpleasant, work? We are assuming of course that such experience is
+necessary, since uninteresting work cannot be separated from most
+important undertakings. A typical experience in a school that has
+for several years conducted a class along the lines of the newer
+psychology can answer our question.
+
+One of the difficulties that had to be overcome was the mastery of
+simple addition. Another was the art of writing; and of course
+reading is a necessary art of modern life. Instead of the usual
+drill and practice and exercises, this class passed through the
+drudgery stage without realizing that school was a prison. This was
+during the autumn of the Armistice. Food conservation and thrift
+were in the air. These children were presented with a quantity of
+garden vegetables, but there was more than they could use
+themselves, so the suggestion was made that they could have the
+surplus for future use. The children, under guidance, did all the
+work connected with cold-pack canning of the tomatoes. This work was
+not at every point "interesting," in the superficial sense; but the
+purpose of the entire project was one that appealed to the children,
+so that they were quite satisfied to do the many essential details.
+Did they not here learn to clean their dishes and jars as well as
+they would have done had the cleaning been a "duty" imposed
+arbitrarily from above? Must drudgery be dreaded to be well done?
+
+Let the teacher who had charge of this class describe what happened,
+in her own words.
+
+"The success of the first small group in carrying through the
+various steps ... led to further work of the same sort, as various
+vegetables were given us. The children also dried apples and lima
+beans which they gathered themselves at the school farm.
+
+"That the interest in this rather exacting work was sustained for
+two months was doubtless due to the fact that the children had a
+genuine purpose in canning a large quantity of vegetables. For early
+in the work, upon the suggestion of one of the class, it had been
+decided to have a sale and use the proceeds to buy milk for a sick
+baby. Although I had not thought of this plan myself, I was glad to
+lend it my support.
+
+"The final preparation for the sale occupied a large share of the
+time for several weeks. The chief consideration from the children's
+point of view seemed to be who should take charge of the business of
+selling. They had conducted a play store intermittently during the
+fall, but, upon testing, it was found that most of the class were
+ill prepared to act as salespeople.[A] The children readily
+recognized this fact and willingly went to work to drill on addition
+and subtraction. The most successful drill was accomplished by means
+of a dramatic rehearsal of the forthcoming sale, some children
+impersonating the visitors and the others the salesmen. Real money,
+correct prices, and the actual jars of vegetables and fruit were
+used for this play.
+
+[Footnote A: Remember these were second-grade children--most of them
+seven or eight years old.]
+
+"The need of invitations, of price lists, and of bookkeepers the day
+of the sale, was also recognized and led to much needed practice in
+written English. The prices were determined by a study of the latest
+food catalog, a small group with a teacher undertaking this work. It
+necessitated the use of an alphabetical index, and in some cases the
+calculation of the price of pints, when only quarts were listed, as
+we had used both pint and quart jars.
+
+"Further preparation consisted of the making of labels for the jars
+and of posters for the room. The art teacher, when called in to
+advise, taught the children how to make accurate square letters,
+which they used in various sizes for the labels and posters. The
+making of fifty or more small labels with half-inch letters proved
+irksome to the little people, but they showed much persistence in
+completing the task, because of their interest in the sale. The
+eight children who made the final large posters did a great deal of
+intelligent, painstaking work. From the artistic point of view, the
+posters were not noteworthy, but they represented the children's own
+suggestions.
+
+"The sale was conducted by the children, who made their own change,
+kept records of sales and wrapped up purchases. The various duties
+were agreed upon by the class, in accordance with each one's proved
+ability to carry them out, and everyone had some share."
+
+In this simple account of an experimental class conducted at the
+Ethical Culture School, in New York, under the direction of Miss
+Mabel R. Goodlander, are many references to drill and practice. But
+throughout all of the work it was possible to maintain the interest
+of the children because, apparently, the attention was not on the
+drill as an end in itself, but upon the special skill or knowledge
+as a means to a more remote end. And this remote end was not the
+formal one of "passing," or being promoted, or getting a good mark,
+but the vital, urgent purpose of raising money through the sale for
+a sick baby's milk. Undoubtedly the "motives" of the several
+children in this class were varied and mixed--like the motives of
+good citizens who are united in support of a particular candidate,
+or a particular platform. But there was enough common purpose to
+insure cooperation and persistence and effort from every single
+child in proportion to his ability. The learning of stupid sums and
+the practice in penmanship are no more attractive to these children
+than they are to ordinary children in ordinary schools in all parts
+of the country. But they overcame all internal obstacles, went
+through with all of the monotony and drudgery, and to that extent
+triumphed over any disposition to shirk or to loaf or to dawdle or
+to flit from work to sensation.
+
+And how is it with the learning of responsibility, with acquiring a
+sense of duty? Many of us have no doubt learned what we have learned
+of duty and responsibility, through the constant repetition of "Thou
+shalt" and "Thou shalt not" by our elders during our own growing
+years. But results at least as valuable have been obtained in the
+cases of others through the constant rubbing up against their equals
+in a free give-and-take atmosphere. Children learn to live with
+others by living with others. They learn to work with others--to
+"cooperate"--by working with others. They learn to play the game, to
+do teamwork, to play fair, to play in good form, to hit hard only by
+playing according to rule, with others, with worthy opponents, under
+good supervision. In short, the "discipline" that makes for power
+and freedom may be quite as easily obtained through the exercise of
+freedom as through external coercion--nay, more easily, and more
+effectively.
+
+It is fair to ask whether training for a game is not quite analogous
+to our idea of training for life; and whether the methods which are
+found to be effective in the former kind of training are not equally
+valuable for the latter. Assuming the analogy, would you have a child
+learn the rules of such games as baseball or tennis from a book before
+allowing him to handle a ball, or before letting him see a game? Would
+you expect him to cooperate in teamwork after a long period of
+drill upon the _rules_ governing team cooperation? Would you expect
+him to hit hard because he has learned the correct answer to the
+question, How should a player hit?
+
+This may not seem a fair comparison to some of the "training" that
+has actually been tried. Perhaps a more familiar analogy would be in
+teaching a child correct movements for the game to be mastered,
+separated from any experience with real games. Boys are "practicing"
+for a game, and each one is drilling on some special detail,
+hitting, catching, running bases, long throws, or what not; each one
+of them has in mind as part of his moving purpose not only his
+team's success and glory, but his own individual responsibility.
+Contrast this with the same boys required to drill at precisely the
+same movements on the theory that the "exercise" will do them good,
+or that some time in the future they might have to meet a situation
+in which a long throw or a swift run would be significant. Do you
+expect the same enthusiasm and energy to be developed in both cases?
+And if not the same enthusiasm and energy, can we expect the same
+results--whether we view the results as so much skill or technic,
+whether we view the results as so much "training in drudgery," or
+whether we consider the results from the viewpoint of moral values
+as so much devotion, self-sacrifice, restraint? The "moral" values
+that have been for years attributed to athletics appear after all to
+be the effects of intense, enthusiastic, and interested
+participation in teamwork--that is, in purposeful and energetic
+concern with joint undertakings.
+
+The responsibilities we wish to develop, the sense of duty, no less
+than the application and persistence, no less than knowledge and
+skill, are types of habits which are best formed under the glow of
+satisfying experience. Far from assuming a soft life for the child,
+the idea of interest assumes the most strenuous kind of life. And
+the experiences of all who have tried it justifies the assumption.
+The experimental class already mentioned, similar experiments by
+Mrs. Marietta Johnson at Fairhope, Alabama and elsewhere,
+experimental classes at the Lincoln School and at the Horace Mann
+School, at various "play" schools in this country and in England,
+all show more continuous application of the children to whatever
+they happen to have in hand, longer periods of intense activity, and
+no sign whatever of loafing or shirking. The activities selected by
+the children themselves involve just as much "discipline" as
+anything that can be selected for them.
+
+In these schools the children never hear the teacher call for
+"attention," for although everybody knows that attention is an
+essential of effective work, the attention takes care of itself
+where the children already feel a genuine concern in the outcome.
+And this concern insures satisfactory application, since the
+children look forward to satisfying results. This does not mean, of
+course, that either the work itself or the result is necessarily
+"pleasant," in the ordinary sense. Often, indeed, it is quite the
+reverse, as when the racer is exerting every last reserve of his
+energy in the final spurt, or when the contestants are in suspense
+awaiting the decision of the judges as to which is the best cake.
+And the endless grind of practice and preparation is no more
+"pleasant" to the child who knows the purpose and approves the
+purpose of his efforts (having taken part in selecting the
+undertaking) than similar exertion is to the child whose work is all
+planned and directed by outsiders; but the satisfactions connected
+with the exertions are different in the two cases, and the
+corresponding results are correspondingly different.
+
+The principle of interest as a guide to the training of children can
+be applied in the home as well as in the school. It means, first of
+all, taking into account the interests, tastes, preferences of the
+children. As has already been suggested in earlier chapters, there
+are many occasions when the child may be consulted or given a choice
+of action, of amusements, of purchases, and so on--situations in
+which it is a matter of indifference to older people, but in which
+the making of a decision or a choice is both satisfying and valuable
+to the child. Even where the decision is not an indifferent one, our
+own should not be imposed in an arbitrary manner; when it differs
+from that of the child, we can get his assent and cooperation, where
+an arbitrary choice leaves him cold or even resentful.
+
+The games children play, whether by themselves or with other
+children, are only in part manifestations of tastes: they represent
+to a degree stages of development. For the reason, therefore, that
+interests develop, we shall find that what is a favorable time for
+one child is not necessarily a favorable time for another child to
+learn a particular thing. This is very well shown by the great
+differences found among children, as to learning school subjects
+like reading or writing. In some the interest is aroused very early,
+and for them this is the best time; with others the interest does
+not appear until the third or fourth grade, or even later, and for
+such children this is the best time. There is no one period that is
+best for all children; by attempting to treat all alike, therefore,
+we not only waste a great deal of energy and good feeling, but we
+often defeat our purpose by antagonizing the children and thus
+making them resist the very things we want them to hug to
+themselves. And this is just as true of what we try to do in the
+home as it is of school teaching.
+
+To discover the interests of the children requires that they be
+given an opportunity to express themselves. This means in most cases
+much more freedom than children have heretofore enjoyed. But it
+means also constant vigilance on the part of the elders, not so much
+to guard against the freedom being abused, as to guard against the
+opportunity being wasted. The taste in games or in reading, the
+choice of companions or of leisure time occupations must not only
+show themselves to be indulged; they must be seized upon by those
+who guide the children, as means for giving drive and direction to
+further development. A child who devotes too much time to athletics
+and too little to literature, may be drawn to reading through books
+about athletic contests of the classics, or through modern stories
+of college life. On the other hand, the boy who is prone to get his
+satisfactions vicariously and to neglect active participation in
+games and other activities, must be led through his reading,
+properly selected and unostentatiously placed under his nose, to
+more direct concern with producing practical effects in his
+environment. The interest, once discovered, must be the means for
+stimulating to greater exertion and to closer unification of the
+child's activities.
+
+One of the things that presents a difficulty in every generation is
+the fact that the social and moral ideals change from age to age. We
+are thus constantly tempted to put into the characters of our
+children those traits that were valued highly by our parents,
+without always considering the importance of each item for the days
+in which our children will play their parts. Thus it comes about
+that many of the virtues that have a traditional value may be
+questioned when offered as staples for citizens of to-morrow.
+Obedience, for example, is a permanent necessity in a society that
+rests upon the assumption that one or a few chosen men represent the
+will of the gods on earth, but has only a transitory value in a
+democracy. As someone has said, obedience in childhood must be
+considered as a scaffold that is useful while the lasting parts of
+the structure are being put in place; when the desired structure is
+completed, obedience is naturally removed as of no further service.
+Now the kind of discipline required in a democracy calls for an
+attitude or disposition that makes cooperation with others come as a
+matter of course; it calls for the making of decisions, or the
+forming of opinions, on the basis of facts; and it calls for the
+habit of taking due account of the rights of others. The training
+for this class of habits is best obtained through methods that take
+full account of children's interests.
+
+Just as the older outlook turned to "discipline" as a means for
+obtaining freedom, the new psychology utilizes freedom as a means
+for obtaining discipline. In both cases the end is of course the
+same--that is, the liberation of the human spirit and the organizing
+of the individual's powers to the greatest good. But as our ideas of
+human relations and of values have changed, science has given us new
+methods for attaining the final goals that we set ourselves.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Your Child: Today and Tomorrow, by
+Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK YOUR CHILD: TODAY AND TOMORROW ***
+
+***** This file should be named 9917.txt or 9917.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        https://www.gutenberg.org/9/9/1/9917/
+
+Produced by Stan Goodman, Anne Folland, Tom Allen and the
+Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+https://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+https://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at https://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit https://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
+donations.  To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     https://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.