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diff --git a/9898.txt b/9898.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..744328b --- /dev/null +++ b/9898.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2641 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 4, April 23, 1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 4, April 23, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Posting Date: October 29, 2011 [EBook #9898] +Release Date: February, 2006 +First Posted: October 28, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, APRIL 23, 1870 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve +Schulze and PG Distributed Proofreaders + + + + + + + + + + ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| "The Printing House of the United States." | +| | +| GEO.F.NESBITT & CO., | +| | +| General JOB PRINTERS, | +| | +| BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | +| STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail. | +| LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers, | +| COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, | +| CARD Manufacturers, | +| FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. | +| | +| 163, 165,167, and 169 PEARL ST., | +| 73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE ST., New-York. | +| Advantages. --> All on the same premises, and under | +| the immediate supervision of the proprietors. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| TO NEWS-DEALERS. | +| | +| PUNCHINELLO'S MONTHLY. | +| | +| THE FIVE NUMBERS FOR APRIL, | +| | +| Bound in a Handsome Cover, | +| | +| Will be ready Mar 3d. Price, Fifty Cents. | +| | +| THE TRADE | +| | +| Supplied by the | +| | +| AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, | +| | +| Who are now prepared to receive Orders. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S | +| | +| STEEL PENS. | +| | +| These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and | +| cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special | +| attention is called to the following grades, as being | +| better suited for business purposes than any Pen | +| manufactured. The | +| | +| "505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive." | +| | +| We recommend for bank and office use. | +| | +| D. APPLETON & CO., | +| Sole Agents for United States. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ + + + Vol. 1. No. 4. + + + PUNCHINELLO + + + SATURDAY, APRIL 23, 1870. + + + PUBLISHED BY THE + + + PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + + + 83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK. + + ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +|CONANT'S PATENT BINDERS for "Punchinello," to preserve the | +| paper for binding, will be sent, postpaid, on receipt of | +|One Dollar, by "Punchinello Publishing Company," 83 Nassau | +| Street, New-York City. | +| | +|[Sidenote: PRANG'S WEEKLY BULLETIN OF CHROMOS.--"Easter | +|Morning," "Family Scene in Pompeii," "Whittier's | +|Birthplace." Illustrated Catalog sent, on receipt of stamp | +|by L. PRANG & CO., Boston.] | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ + ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN | +| | +| "PUNCHINELLO" | +| | +| SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO | +| | +| J. NICKINSON, | +| | +| Room No. 4, | +| | +| 83 NASSAU STREET. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| The Greatest Horse Book ever Published. | +| | +| HIRAM WOODRUFF on the TROTTING HORSE OF AMERICA! | +| | +| _How to Train and Drive Him._ | +| | +| With Reminiscenses of the Trotting Turf. A handsome 12mo, | +| with a splendid steel-plate portrait of Hiram Woodruff. | +| Price, extra cloth, $2.25. | +| | +| The New-York Tribune says: _"This is a Masterly Treatise | +| by the Master of his Profession_--the ripened product of | +|forty years' experience in Handling, Training, Riding, and | +| Driving the Trotting Horse. There is no book like it in | +| any language on the subject of which it treats." | +| | +|Bonner says in the _Ledger_, "It is a book for which every | +| man who owns a horse ought to subscribe. The information | +| which it contains is worth ten times its cost." For sale | +| by all booksellers, or single copies sent postpaid on | +| receipt of price. | +| | +| Agents wanted. | +| | +| J. B. FORD & CO, Printing-House Square, New-York. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| Thomas J. Rayner & Co., | +| | +| 29 LIBERTY STREET, | +| | +| New-York, | +| | +| MANUFACTURERS OF THE | +| | +| _Finest Cigars made in the United States._ | +| | +| All sizes and styles. Prices very moderate. Samples sent | +| to any responsible house. Also Importers of the | +| | +| "FUSBOS" BRAND, | +| | +| Equal in quality to the best of the Havana market, and | +| from ten to twenty per cent cheaper. | +| | +| Restaurant, Bar, Hotel, and Saloon trade will save money | +| by calling at | +| | +| 29 LIBERTY STREET | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| GEO. B. BOWLEND, | +| | +| DRAUGHTSMAN AND DESIGNER, | +| | +| 160 FULTON STREET, | +| | +| Room No. 11. NEW-YORK. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| WEVILL & HAMMAR, | +| | +| Wood Engravers, | +| | +| No. 208 BROADWAY, | +| | +| NEW-YORK. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| PUNCHINELLO. | +| | +|With a large and varied experience in the management and | +|publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, | +|and with the still more positive advantage of an Ample | +|Capital to justify the undertaking, the | +| | +| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | +| | +| OF THE CITY OF NEW-YORK, | +| | +|Presents to the public for approval, the | +| | +| NEW ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL | +| | +| WEEKLY PAPER, | +| | +| PUNCHINELLO, | +| | +|The first number of which will be issued under date of | +|April 2, 1870, and thereafter weekly. | +| | +|PUNCHINELLO will be _National_, and not _local_; and will | +|endeavor to become a household word in all parts of the | +|country; and to that end has secured a | +| | +| VALUABLE CORPS OF CONTRIBUTORS | +| | +|in various sections of the Union, while its columns will | +|always be open to appropriate first-class literary and | +|artistic talent. | +| | +|PUNCHINELLO will be entirely original; humorous and witty, | +|without vulgarity, and satirical without malice. It will | +|be printed on a superior tinted paper of sixteen pages, | +|size 13 by 9, and will be for sale by all respectable | +|newsdealers who have the judgment to know a good thing | +|when they see it, or by subscription from this office. | +| | +|The Artistic department will be in charge of Henry L. | +|Stephens, whose celebrated cartoons in VANITY FAIR placed | +|him in the front rank of humorous artists, assisted by | +|leading arists in their respective specialties. | +| | +|The management of the paper will be in the hands of | +|WILLIAM A. STEPHENS, with whom is associated CHARLES | +|DAWSON SHANLY, both of whom were identified with VANITY | +|FAIR. | +| | +| ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | +| | +|Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or | +|suggestive ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the | +|topics of the day, are always acceptable, and will be paid | +|for liberally. | +| | +|Rejected communications can not be returned, unless | +|postage stamps are inclosed. | +| | +| TERMS: | +| | +|One copy, per year, in advance $4.00 | +| | +|Single copies, ten cents. | +| | +|A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of | +|ten cents. | +| | +|One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other | +|magazine or paper, price $2.50, for 5.50 | +| | +|One copy, with any magazine or paper, price $4, for 7.00 | +| | +|All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to | +| | +| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | +| | +| No. 83 Nassau Street | +| | +| NEW-YORK | +| | +| P.O. Box, 2783. | +| | +| _(For terms to Clubs, see 16th page.)_ | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| Mercantile Library, | +| | +| Clinton Hall, Astor Place | +| | +| New-York. | +| | +|This is now the largest circulating Library In America, | +|the number of volumes on its shelves being 114,000. About | +|1000 volumes are added each month; and very large | +|purchases are made of all new and popular works. | +| | +|Books are delivered at members' residences for five cents | +|each delivery. | +| | +| TERMS OF MEMBERSHIP: | +| | +| TO CLERKS, | +| | +| $1 Initiation, $3 Annual Dues. | +| | +| TO OTHERS, $5 a year. | +| | +| SUBSCRIPTIONS TAKEN FOR SIX MONTHS. | +| | +| BRANCH OFFICES | +| | +| NO. 76 CEDAR STREET, NEW-YORK, | +| | +| AND AT | +| | +| Yonkers, Norwalk, Stamford, and Elizabeth. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| AMERICAN | +| | +| BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, | +| | +| AND | +| | +| SEWING-MACHINE CO., | +| | +| 563 Broadway, New-York. | +| | +|This great combination machine is the last and greatest | +|improvement on all former machines, making, in addition to | +|all work done on best Lock-Stitch machines, beautiful | +| | +| BUTTON AND EYELET HOLES; | +| | +| in all fabrics. | +| | +| Machine, with finely finished | +| | +| OILED WALNUT TABLE AND COVER | +| | +|complete, $75. Same machine, without the buttonhole parts, | +|$60. This last is beyond all question the simplest, | +|easiest to manage and to keep in order, of any machine in | +|the market. Machines warranted, and full instruction given | +|to purchasers. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| HENRY SPEAR | +| | +| STATIONER, PRINTER | +| | +| AND | +| | +| BLANK BOOK MANUFACTURER. | +| | +| ACCOUNT BOOKS | +| | +| MADE TO ORDER. | +| | +| PRINTING OF EVERY DESCRIPTION. | +| | +| 82 Wall Street, | +| | +| NEW-YORK. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ + +THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. + +[Illustration:] + +Booth's Theatre has become famous as the place where Mr. MOLLENHAUER +nightly leads his admirable orchestra, and plays with exquisite skill +and infinite tenderness his unrivalled violin solos. + +Since this theatre opened, there have been several attempts to add +dramatic entertainments to the attractive concerts given by Mr. +MOLLENHAUER. Two great actors, Mr. JEFFERSON and Mr. BOOTH, have at +different times appeared at this house, and in _Rip Van Winkle_ and +_Hamlet_ have given us the most perfect specimens of dramatic monologue. +Lately, there was an attempt made to present _Macbeth_ during the +intermissions in the performance of the orchestra. Had an actor been +engaged who was capable of playing _Macbeth_, and had a company been +engaged to support him, the tragedy would doubtless have been well +played. There was really little else wanting to make it a meritorious +Shakespearean revival. + +To visit this theatre is held to be a solemn duty by a large class of +respectable and serious people. They don't go for amusement--they are +far too sensible for that--but they go to support the legitimate drama, +to testify their respect for SHAKESPEARE and for Mr. BOOTH'S classic +brow. The Worldly-Minded Persons who attended the representations of +_Macbeth_, found themselves assisting at a scene compared with which a +funeral would have been jovial, and a hanging, a wild dissipation. + +This is the sort of thing that presents itself to our memory as we +recall the first night of _Macbeth_. + +A large and elderly audience enters the portals with subdued and +mournful mien. The ushers, who, in imitation of Mr. BOOTH, do a little +of the classic brow and curl business themselves, chew tobacco with an +air of resigned melancholy, and spit upon the carpet, as though +renouncing the pleasures of the world and the decencies of civilization. + +At the first intermission of the orchestra, the curtain rises upon the +three Weird Sisters. Mr. HIND is a Weird Sister, and he improves the +opportunity to howl with a weirdness that draws an involuntary laugh +from an irreverent young lady. + +_Respectable Father_. "Laughing in BOOTH'S, my dear! I am astonished at +you. Sh." + +_Respectable Mother_. "Ellen, if you can't behave in ch--in the theatre, +you ought not to come." _Irreverent young lady becomes an object of +scornful pity to every one in the neighborhood. She never smiles again_. + +The play proceeds. An inarticulate person is brought in on a litter, who +looks like a Tammany man whom some irate young Democrat has "put a head +on." He indulges in an inarticulate speech, which is warmly applauded by +the gallery. Then the Weird Sisters meet MACBETH and BANQUO on the +heath, and Mr. HIND howls at them until the Worldly-Minded auditor +blesses the memory of the Salem witch-burners. Then the King brevets +MACBETH. Then Lady MACBETH reads a letter from her husband with the +demonstrative energy of a Chicago Wild Woman reading the decree that +divorces her from a kind and honorable husband. Then the King arrives, +and MACBETH and his wife agree to kill him. Then the curtain falls, and +Mr. MOLLENHAUER repays the Worldly-Minded Person for having stayed +through the first act. Conversation is indulged in by the audience in +subdued whispers. + +_All the Respectable Men in the house_. "Ah! there is nothing like +SHAKESPEARE, and there is no theatre like BOOTH'S. This is indeed an +intellectual feast." + +_All the Middle-aged Ladies, wiping away the tear of sensibility_. "This +is something worth seeing! How can people be so frivolous as to go to +see comedies?" + +_All the Young Ladies_. "Isn't BOOTH perfectly splendid? Isn't he +magnificent? You should have seen his CLAUDE MELNOTTE; it was so +perfectly lovely." + +_All the Ushers, each to the other_. "Have another chew?" + +_Worldly-Minded Person to Congenial Reprobate_. "Let's hear MOLLENHAUER +once more, and then go." + +But MOLLENHAUER'S violin ceases to weep, and the curtain rises again. +The remainder of the play proceeds in due solemnity. MACBETH has the +usual fit of _delirium tremens_ at the banquet scene, where the nobility +of Scotland--one of whom wears low shoes, Oxford tie pattern--drink with +national ardor, and don't take the slightest interest in MACBETH'S +hallucinations. Lady MACBETH afterward enjoys her own little private +delirium in a gorgeous night-dress, and MACBETH is finally done for by +MACDUFF, who can outfight and outhowl him with perfect ease. The tragedy +being at last over, the audience disperses with solemn steps and slow; +the men and elderly ladies still whispering their stereotyped chorus of +praise, and the young ladies adding to their panegyrics of BOOTH +ecstatic admiration of Lady MACBETH'S night-dress. + +And the Worldly-Minded Person, walking homeward, soliloquizes in some +such strain as this: "BOOTH can't play MACBETH; for he neither looks nor +understands the character. FANNY MORANT can't play LADY MACBETH as +perfectly as it should be played; but she tries to do her best, and is +quite respectable. Nobody else plays any part with common decency. But +then the scenery is good; the Scottish nobility look sufficiently hungry +and seedy, and MOLLENHAUER is superb." + +"Didn't somebody say of WASHINGTON that "Providence made him childless, +that the nation might call him father?" Somebody ought to say of Lady +MACBETH that she was made childless, that no one might call her +mother-in-law. Neat thing that! Somebody ought to send it to +PUNCHINELLO. By Jove! what a mother-in-law that woman would have made. +Or what a landlady; with the Weird Sisters to prepare the morning hash!" + +"Well! BOOTH can't do every thing; and we ought not to expect it. A man +who plays HAMLET as well as he does, can't possibly play MACBETH. As +well might we ask TENNYSON to turn Ward politician. We all owe him a +debt of gratitude for building MOLLENHAUER so splendid a theatre, and +for giving us the best IAGO and the best HAMLET that we have ever seen, +or ever shall see. And so, I for one am ready to forget and forgive when +be fails as MACBETH, and does not succeed as ROMEO." + +--MATADOR. + + * * * * * + +Grant on Cuba. + +The President is really in favor of the recognition of Cuba, with a view +of ultimate annexation. He wants to have his Havanas a home production. + + * * * * * + +Robbery at the Mines. + +It is not strange that robberies are so frequent in the California +mining regions, a country in which the mountains are full of Pyrites. + + * * * * * + +A TEMPERANCE SONG. + +Strained Verses Dedicated to Unstrained Water. + +BY A. FILTERER. + +Bring a glass of sparkling water, + Fill the goblet to the brim, +Let the microscopic critters + Take in it a harmless swim. + +Here are meat and drink united, + _Life_, indeed, in this we see; +Who'd exchange so rich a fluid + For the baser _eau de vie_? + +Give us, then, no ale nor porter, + Logwood wine, nor other drugs; +But a glass of sparkling water + Filled with sportive little bugs. + + * * * * * + +Musical and Mechanical. + +The coopers of New-York City intend to start an organ. It will be +a hand-organ, of course, for hand-organs have been Barrel-organs from +time immemorial. + + * * * * * + +Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Clerk's Office of the District +Court of the United States, for the Southern District of New-York. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "HO! HANGELINA, HANGELINA HADAMS, COME TO THE +HALLEY-WINDOW AND SEE A 'OSS WITH HIS 'OOFS TURNED UP!"] + + * * * * * + +OUR FOREIGN CORRESPONDENCE. +(BY ATLANTIC CABLE.) +DOWNING STREET, LONDON, April 10, A.M. + +I have, as ordered, made extensive arrangements for a world-wide +correspondence for PUNCHINELLO. Knowing your want of confidence in the +party called, so truly and briefly, the "_Press Ass,_" who sends over +accounts of horse-races, etc., with an occasional item of news, I have +wires connecting this office with Paris, Madrid, Rome, and other places +of consequence. A special delegate of PUNCHINELLO has been already +admitted to a seat in the OEcumenical Council. Pope Pius remarked kindly +that he was the only person there who honestly told what he came for. +His Holiness enjoyed, also, a hearty laugh at his first interview; the +subject being the proper title and costume of our delegate. It was +concluded, as he was somewhat dark in complexion, to dub him Bishop of +'Ngami; which, you know, is one of those places that LIVINGSTONE (_is_ +he living, though?) found out. When any body questioned him, the said +delegate was immediately to talk 'ngammon Latin; and His Holiness would +interpret it to the council, as being the African for infallibility. +It's wonderful how well this jolly dog gets on, with his dogmas and dog +Latin together. + +Now for news. After all, the _most_ remarkable event has happened on +your side of the water; but as Philadelphia is further from New York +than New York is from Philadelphia, (the latter is _so_ slow,) I don't +believe you have heard it yet. There is a railroad, well known +thereabouts, going to _Germantown._ Well, the event is, that the board +of directors of that road have--will you believe it? I hardly +do--ordered a _new car_--a palace-car! The way it happened was that, +owing to the large use of cattle-cars on the Pacific Railroad, no more +second-hand cars could be got for a month or two, bad enough for the +directors to buy; and there wasn't a builder in the country willing to +make their kind of cars to order. + +On this side of the "big pond" we have had nothing so laughable as the +MORDAUNT case. The charge of the presiding judge to the Prince of Wales +has not been correctly reported. I am told that he spoke thus: "Your +Royal Highness is advised that, on this occasion, it is not expected +that your Royal Highness should tell the truth, unless your Royal +Highness pleases; indeed, your Royal Highness is rather advised not to +tell the truth. Now, will your Royal Highness, acting under this advice, +please to say, whether he did, or did not, ever do any thing naughty?" +Some one said to me at the time--are there not _some_ mordants that will +dye beyond whitewashing? But I believe that Wales always was moral, is +moral, and always will he moral, (Balmoral!) Now, this last assertion I +call news! Is it reliable? + +More about Yokohama. An English sailor, from Captain EYRE'S vessel, is +said to have murdered a Japanese, in cold blood, to rob his house. A +court sat upon the case; and, after trial, pronounced this decision: "We +regret to be obliged to find, that the man, CHAN-JUN, lost his life by +an incision of his throat; and that the knife which made the incision +was in the hand of the sailor called BILL BLINKS, of the Bombay. While, +therefore, it would have been, undoubtedly, much better if the man +CHAN-JUN, and his house, had been out of the way of the said BILL +BLINKS, who by their proximity was placed under a temptation, we are +unwillingly compelled to regret that BLINKS should have made an +unfortunate incision of this kind. We are therefore of the opinion that +the said WILLIAM BLINKS ought not to be allowed to have any grog for at +least six days." This very severe sentence was, we are told, afterward +remitted by request of Captain EYRE. + +Our Roman delegate sends me word to-day, that, the Pope's gardener at +the Vatican setting out a variety of early spring plants, every one of +them came up a Hyacinth! One after another was sent to pot; but, +hydra-headed, still they come! By the way, it is said that two newly +noted people in the church are Frere JONQUIL and Soeur DAFFODIL; another +is a negro priest, black as two ravens, and he is called Father CROCUS. + +ROCHEFORT, we learn, the other day refused to eat any thing, because his +prison food was at the cost of the Emperor's government. M. OLLIVIER +forthwith sent him a polite autograph note of congratulation; telling +him that this was the first act of his, public or private, of which he +approved; and in the result of which the government, people, and world +would take satisfaction. ROCHEFORT, after reading the note, twisted it +up to light a cigarette, and then told his jailer to bring in his +dinner! You _can't_ please that man. + +M. CHASLES has just been appointed _Curator of Autographs_ at the +Bibliotheque Imperiale at Paris, with VRAIN LUCAS as his secretary. This +gives general satisfaction. + +Miss ANNE B----, of Philadelphia, who lives at Rome, has just written a +charming song, with music for the piano, entitled, "Liszt, O Liszt!" +The most famous _aria_, however, there now, is the malaria. Rome is +sick. The people are sick of the Pope and his priests; the Pope is sick +of the Council; the bishops are sick of each other; and travellers are +sick of fever. _Sic transit!_ + +Let me tell you of my experience, for one day, with the "Press Ass" of +the Cable. On getting here, finding him to be amicable, I tried him on. +He gave me, for news, to send over to PUNCHINELLO, the following: + + +GREAT BRITAIN. + +The _Times_ has an article this morning upon the quality of Virginia +tobacco. It speaks with great respect of the authority of Ex-Governor +HENRY A. WISE upon that subject. + +Mr. GLADSTONE was affected last night with a severe pain in his stomach. +On going to his place in the House, he was overheard to say, "It must +have been that cabbage." This morning he is better. + +10 A.M. Mr. GLADSTONE did not say, "It was that cabbage;" but, "It was +those beans." + +12 A.M. Right Hon. Mr. GLADSTONE is not any better. It is now doubtful +whether it was the beans or the cabbage. + +2 P.M. The Right Hon. W.E. GLADSTONE is a little better, but ate only a +light dinner. Mr. BRIGHT thinks it was the beans. + +Now, my dear PUNCHINELLO, by this time I began to think it _must be_ the +beans, and so I sent word to my despi-telegraphic correspondent that +_that would do_. And so it will, also, from your correspondent, + +--PRIME. + + * * * * * + +Women's Rights, Again. + +Denver is said to be all agog about a performer named ANNIE CORELLA, who +plays solos on the cornet. This is the latest manifestation of the +Women's Rights movement, brass instruments having hitherto been played +exclusively by masculine lips and lungs. "Blowing" through brass is very +characteristic of the advocates of Women's Emancipation; and the next +thing we shall hear, perhaps, is that the ladies of the _Revolution_ +have organized themselves into a brass band, and taken to serenading +HORACE GREELEY. + + * * * * * + +Latest Fashionable Intelligence from the Plains, + +INDIANS' war-(w)hoops. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE PNEUMATIC TUBE. +EX-PRESSURE OF THE FUTURE. + +THEY SAY THE SPHERES MUST BE TIGHTLY PACKED, AND THIS HOW IT IS +GOING TO BE--WHEN THEY CARRY PASSENGERS.] + + +[Illustration: PROPHETIC VIEW OF THE INTERIOR.] + + * * * * * + +Our Future. + +PUNCHINELLO believes in a future. He believes in it first for himself, +second for his country, and third for other people. He considers his own +future very good and gorgeous, of course. He considers that of his +country as very hopeful. It has room to grow, and grows. It has appetite +to eat by day and to sleep by night. It eats and sleeps. It rises in the +morning refreshed and lively. It washes its face in the Atlantic, and +its feet in the Pacific. It raises great eagles, great lakes and rivers, +and has a very large, and wise, and honest Congress. Its members of +Congress are all pure, unsullied men. Not a stain rests on their proud, +marble-like brows--not much. The future of PUNCHINELLO will be, to +borrow from the poet, a "big thing." Its genial, mellow, shining face +will continue to beam through uncounted ages--as long as beams can be +procured, at whatever cost. Its good things will be household words as +long as households are held. It will keep its temper very sweet, its age +very green, and its flavor very sparkling. It will help the country to +get on in its future, and be always glad to give government a good turn. +If government wants any money, it will be PUNCHINELLO'S pleasure and +privilege to launch it out. PUNCHINELLO has faith in countries and +governments, and thinks if such matters were not in existence, its own +prosperity would be affected. It therefore says to government, "Go +on--be good, and you'll be happy. Grow up in the way you are bent, and +when you get old, you'll be there." It sees a gigantic future for the +country. It sees the Polar sea running with warm water, the North Pole +maintaining a magnificent perpendicularity, and the Equinoctial Line +extended all around the earth, including Hoboken and Hull. It sees its +millions of people happy in their golden (greenback and currency) +prosperity, and also happy in a full supply of PUNCHINELLO to every +family. It sees its favorite Bird of Freedom spread its wings from Maine +to Oregon; from Alaska to the Gulf, and it trusts its wings will not be +hurt or lose a single feather in the spread. It sees +itself--PUNCHINELLO, not COLUMBIA--enter upon its thousandth volume as +youthful and pretty as a June rose, and as vigorous as a colt. It sees +the time when one Fourth of July will not go round the national family, +and from two to half a dozen will have to be provided. + + * * * * * + +Mind your P's and Q's. + +Committees of State Legislatures are apt to use very slip-shod English +in drafting their bills. This should not be. How can they expect to +Parse a bill unless it is couched in grammatical language? + + * * * * * + +Taking a Senator's Measure. + +Apropos of a recent debate in the Senate at Washington, a paragraph +states that "CARPENTER made SUMNER seem very small." The carpenter who +made SUMNER is not to blame for this. In the first place, Mr. SUMNER'S +Measures are very difficult to take. In the second place, the best +Cabinet-makers have failed to make Mr. SUMNER appear very large. In the +third and last place, Ebony, which is the only wood with which Mr. +SUMNER has any affinity, is a mighty hard material to work, even when +treated with the application of a Fifteenth Amendment. + + * * * * * + +The Maine Question in Massachusetts. + +If New-York has had but little skating during the past winter, +Massachusetts just now displays a good deal of backsliding. Her +legislators have "gone back on" their liquor-bill, which they have +modified to suit their habits, and, should it become law, the druggists +of the Bay State will be at liberty to sell Bay and every other kind of +rum in quantities to suit purchasers. _Sic semper_ Massachusetts! the +English of which is, that Massachusetts will always keep Sick so long as +liquor is to be had for physic. + + * * * * * + +Trying to the Patients. + +It is widely stated, though we cannot vouch for it as a fact, that the +poultices used in St. Luke's Hospital are supplied from the too +celebrated pavement of Fifth Avenue. + + * * * * * + +"Cometh up as a Flower." + +It is stated that Pere HYACINTHE is about to take a wife. + +That's right--Pair, HYACINTHE. + + * * * * * + +THE EPISODE OF JACK HORNER. + +Probably there is no choicer specimen of English literature than the +familiar stanza which we herewith reproduce: + + "Little JACK HORNER sat in a corner, + Eating his Christmas-pie, + He put in his thumb, and pulled out a plum, + And said, 'What a good boy am I!'" + +Although comprised in merely four lines, it contains more instructive +truths and rarer beauties than some volumes whose pages can be +enumerated by the hundred. The opening line is singularly beautiful: + +"Little JACK HORNER sat in a corner." + +Here we hare the subject gracefully introduced without unnecessary +palaver or reference to family antecedents--the simple name given +without a long rigmarole of dazzling titles or senseless adjectives. The +Muse is neither pathetically invoked nor anathematically abused, but the +author proceeds at once to describe his hero's present situation, which, +it strangely appears, is in "a corner." The indefiniteness of the +locality--_a_ corner--is not of the slightest moment; for it does not +concern the general reader to know in what corner little JACK was +stationed. Suffice it, as is apparent from the context, that it was not +a corner in Erie, nor in grain; but rather an angle formed by the +juxtaposition of two walls of an apartment or chamber. + +Now, truly the subject of the poem must have been possessed either of an +extraordinary modicum of modesty or of a bitter misanthropy; or possibly +he had been guilty of a misdemeanor, and was cornered to expiate the +punishment justly due; yet conjecture is at once made certainty in the +second line, by which all doubts as to the reasons for his being in a +corner are immediately cleared up: + +"Eating his Christmas-pie." + +The occasion was indubitably the universal annual holiday, and his +object in going to the corner was manifestly to eat the pie. Perhaps the +object had an antecedent. Perhaps he _stole_ the pie, and therefore +wished to avoid observation; or, more possibly, supreme selfishness was +his ruling passion, and he wished to eat it all by himself. As to this, +however, we are left slightly in the fog. + +In the third line, we are afforded an insight into the manner in which +he partook of the Christmas delicacy: + +"He put in his thumb, and pulled out a plum." + +Interesting scene! Here we have at least an inkling of the hero's powers +of discrimination, and his regard for the little niceties of life. We +have also a beautiful metaphorical allusion to the postulate that +"fingers were made before forks," an assertion respecting the truth of +which some antiquarians have expressed a doubt. We are not prepared to +decide as to the propriety of leaving the substantial of life and +employing sweets and frivolities to pamper the appetite--and there are +other questions that naturally arise from the interesting circumstance +noted above by the poet, but we will not dwell upon them here. + +We proceed to the concluding verse. + +The descriptive part of the narrative is ended, and we naturally expect +a catastrophe in the _denouement_. We may at least suppose that HORNER +made himself sick, if he did not actually choke to death from one of the +plums he was voraciously eating. By no means. We are spared so painful a +recital. All we know is, that he made a remark, evidently in soliloquy, + +"And said, 'What a good boy am I!'" + +This concluding line, pointless as it may appear, partially clears up +the mystery as to his being in a corner. He certainly was not there for +misdemeanor; for he was a "good boy," at least in his own estimation. +What a happy faculty it is, in this world, for a man to have a good +opinion of himself! It relieves life of much of its bitterness. We thus +perceive that, while JACK was tasting the sweets of a Christmas-pie, he +was also enjoying the sweets of self-contentment. + +As we have seen, JACK HORNER is an historical personage; Christmas-pies +are historical; and dainties with plums are historical. JACK was an old +man, doubtless, when our great-grandmothers were very young--certainly +before the war. The world has had full opportunity to profit by his +virtuous example. Numberless little boys have been quieted to sleep by +the rhyme of JACK HORNER judiciously applied, and numberless little +ones, clamorous for more pudding and enlarged privileges at the +dinner-table, owe the success of their appeals to this same HORNER. The +moral, which runs all through the narrative, is one by which the world +may profit, and should. It la a good thing; but like a great many things +that are good, in the sense in which we use the word, not relished. We +much fear that the ancient, the historical JACK, is extinct. He was a +moderate JACK. He only put in his _thumb_, when he might as well have +put in his whole hand. The latter-day JACK is the representative of a +numerous class possessing larger capacity and a greater dynamic +capability. His pie is larger--has more and bigger plums. When we +contrast the present JACK with the past, we blush for the comparison. +When we encounter him in civic office or in the revenue service, we +tremble for the plums. He is grasping, remorseless, ambitious. The old +JACK was satisfied to sit in his corner and eat his pie; but this one +seeks a pie of dimensions so extravagant as to fill the remotest corners +of the globe; and, what is worse, he is--any thing but a Good Boy! + + * * * * * + +A Voice from "the Hub." + +A GRATULATORY Bostonian writes us that PUNCHINELLO'S voice (a Great +Organ, truly) has reached the "Hub," and actually silenced the Great +Organ of that pleasant rural town. So far, good; but he adds that +Massachusetts takes umbrage at the first syllable of our name, on +account of its being at variance with the prohibitory law of that +pleasant but Puritanical State. Certainly, in a moral point of view, it +is better to be in a Puritanical State than in a State of Punch; but +Massachusetts, it is said, is very sly about the liquor business, and +takes her "nips," regularly, behind the door. This may account, +probably, for the "nipping air" by which so many of her denizens are +characterized. The Bostonian further states of the inhabitants of the +"Hub," that "liquor finds little favor in their eyes." Now, we are +acquainted with three thousand four hundred and seventy-three Bostonians +of the most solid "stripe," and we never yet knew one of them put liquor +in his _eye_, wherever else he might stow it. That the great Boston I +may be partially the result of liquor, is admissible; but then no true +Bostonian would call it liquor, you see--he would call it I water. + + * * * * * + +Why, Oh! Why? + +Why has NAPOLEON III. a very salty taste just now? Because he prefers +his hash with THIERS and without GREVY. + + * * * * * + +An Established Fact. + +The British Association have received L1055 toward a practical and +comprehensive inquiry into the utilization of sewage. Bless your British +associated hearts! The _Herald_ has demonstrated that long ago--made +editorials of it. + + * * * * * + +Rather Mixed. + +The _Jersey City Journal_ of April 1st, (appropriate date,) contains the +following advertisement: + +"A few gentlemen can be accommodated with good board, washing, and +ironing; or a gentleman and wife. Terms, $6 per week; or two single +ladies. Apply at --, corner of Newark avenue." + +According to this advertisement, it appears that in Jersey a "gentleman +and wife" are legal substitutes for "board, washing, and ironing." Now, +it is bewildering to think how on earth a "gentleman and wife" could be +made available in lieu of washing and ironing; while, on the other hand, +the idea of serving up a "gentleman and wife" as "board," suggests the +horrible idea that cannibalism is practised in New-Jersey. With regard +to the terms, "$6 per week" seems to be reasonable enough, though how +"two single ladies" can be made legal tender for six dollars is +absolutely maddening to the mind, inasmuch as average spinsters are far +more apt to be tough than tender. + + * * * * * + +True. + +The _World_ moves with the _Sun_. + + * * * * * + +Classic Grease. + +A Paris grocer ornaments his shop-windows with a bust of ROCHEFORT, done +in lard, with prunes for eyes. After this, let us hear no more of the +sculptures of classic Greece. But why prunes? Why, to signify that after +the funeral of VICTOR NOIR he dried his eyes. + + * * * * * + +A Little Berlin Game. + +Bismarck has sent Herr SILK to Pekin, to wind himself around the +Celestial emperor's heart, and also to make a cocoon for the Tycoon of +Japan, after worming himself into his affections. Perhaps, for being +such a darin' man, he may be made a mandarin! + + * * * * * + +A NOTARY'S PROTEST. + +MR. PUNCHINELLO: I protest against certain annoyances to which a man in +my office is subjected. Whereby it must be understood that I refer to +myself and my official position, not to the nine by twelve apartment +where the wicked and perverse can always find my sign without much +seeking. + +The drift of all this is, that I refer to Bores. It is not new, I know; +if it were, a New Sense might be shown by telling whether it came from +me originally. I believe that in all walks of life man's inhumanity to +man is mainly manifested by boring. Sometimes this is said to have been +done in past time, because the greatest "blower" known to the ancients +was called Old Bore as we know, and POLYPHEMUS complained of having been +bored by ULYSSES. + +Let not the patient reader be alarmed now; for I am of a retiring +disposition, and am here indisposed to tire by dilating upon a class of +people who always Die Late enough of themselves. But I will say that the +worst bores with which a notary has to deal, are those who come to +swear, (and go out sworn,) and who either forget to pay or haven't the +change to pay right. Several such patronize me--changelessly. Singularly +enough, all hail from Boston, so that it is no wonder that I cry, All +hail, Boston! Here comes General X------, who swears and tenders me an +X, and asks for change. Then I swear myself, and say, with HAMLET, that +I will change that word with him; whereupon he puts the bill in his +pocket and goes _da mit,_ which conduct is both Germain to the +transaction and Dutch to me. Again, enters Mr. KOPPER, affably takes an +affidavit, and finds, to his grief and astonishment, that he has but +eleven cents in his pocket. Of course, he has coppered and won. But +why--tell me why, could he not have given me the sentiment, which I had +a right to expect from him? He bears the stamp of a bad Kopper; a +regular old Nick, and has done that unbecoming thing so often that it is +becoming monotonous And General X------ and Mr. K------ are types of a +large class who come before me to take acknowledgments and the like, for +whom I have no liking; who may as well acknowledge now, severally each +for himself, (the aforesaid Nick being for all of them,) that they do +take the same, and then, like men shunning fees, go without mentioning +fees once, which is surely misfeasance, in the eye of the law. The Dues +take them; why should men of means be so mean? + +Then there is the man who stays; who is always the coming man, but never +the going one. And there is the beggar woman, who enters my office like +a ghost, and is a very great bore indeed. But of course beggars are +bores of which every office has plenty. Every body knows these +characters, however, and owes them too--one, at least, does. Well, it is +hard that because a man is bored dead at his boarding-house he can't +have peace in his office, and so I have made my protest against the +bores, as I said I would. --A NOTARY. + + * * * * * + +A War of Castes. + +The Michigan University has been unsuccessful in its search for a +President, as it has not offered enough to induce acceptance on the part +of those to whom it has tendered the honor. It seems to be a case where +the Hire and Lore classes come in conflict. + + * * * * * + +An Old Story, even Here. + +The papers tell of a dog-race which is to take place at San Francisco, +and some of them add that a dog-race is a common thing in England, but a +novelty here; as if the canine Race were something new in America! + + * * * * * + +Shock-ing Intelligence. + +Another earthquake in San Francisco. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: SUN-STRUCK. + +SHOWING HOW PARSEE DANA WORSHIPS HIS LUMINARY.] + + * * * * * + +PUNCHINELLO ON THE JURY. + +PUNCHINELLO has been summoned on the jury. He is asked to try a +murderer. PUNCHINELLO is kind-hearted. He wishes neither to put himself +in suspense in a jury-box, nor a murderer so in a sheriff's box that the +murderer shall finally be put in suspense. PUNCHINELLO is to be asked +whether he has formed or expressed an opinion upon the subject of the +guilt or the innocence of the murderer, or whether he feels any bias +against an accused. Such questions, in PUNCHINELLO'S opinion, are +nonsensical. Jurors nowadays are influenced more through their stomachs +than through their heads or their hearts. Let a juror, when he comes to +be challenged, be rather asked, "Had you a good or a bad breakfast?" +"Were you out late last night?" "Have you had the dyspepsia lately?" +"Are you bilious?" "Do you habitually eat fried bacon or Welsh rarebit?" +"Do you afflict yourself with reading the Tribune?" "Can you digest +stewed lobster or apple-dumpling?" so that whenever a juror shall be +found freed from dyspepsia, or to be a good sleeper, or a man who can +digest even the new Tariff or the Income Tax, it is PUNCHINELLO'S +opinion that such a juror will make a capital chap to listen +complacently to lawyers, keep patience with witnesses, respect the +judge, laugh at the crier, smile at the reporters, give "true +deliverances," and contribute something toward redeeming our boasted +Anglo-Saxon jury system. + + * * * * * + +The Difference. + +Salt Lake City and Chicago represent the extreme ends of the social +scale. In one place you get as many wives as you like; in the other it +is quite as easy to get rid of them. + + * * * * * + +Boston out of the Clouds. + +There is talk of reviving the old ordinance in Boston against smoking in +the streets. This will aim a blow at side stove-pipes as well as at +meerschaums; but, fortunately, it will not prevent the smoking of hams +or of perpendicular chimneys. + + * * * * * + +"THIERS IDLE THIERS." + +A newspaper item conveys the interesting intelligence that THIERS, the +renowned statesman and historian, consumes snuff to the amount of a +quarter of a pound daily. That M. THIERS is thoroughly "up to snuff" +every body knows; but that he has so much idle time on his hands as to +be able to use a quarter of a pound of it daily, will be news to most +people. Let any one of our readers try it. Let him be ever so "good at a +pinch," he will find that to feed his proboscis from a quarter of a +pound of snuff until he has reached the last pinch, would take up, at a +moderate computation, no less than eight hours at a stretch, allowing +reasonable intervals for sneezing and blowing his nose. Evidently the +story is an idle one--more idle than M. THIERS ever could have been. +Perhaps it was "pinching" poverty in the way of items that drove the +itemizer to invent it. At any rate, he has made a "mull" of it. + + * * * * * + +Apropos of Susan B. Anthony. + +"Was ever woman in this humor One?" + + * * * * * + +A Gale Brewing. + +Boston is agitating a reproduction of the Coliseum, and GILMORE hints at +an orchestra of three thousand, with eighteen hundred _wind_ +instruments. A gale far more disastrous than that memorable southeaster +of last autumn may therefore be expected. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: WOMAN IN WALL STREET _Lady Broker, (to applicant for +stock.)_ "O DEAR, DEAR! HOW CAN I ATTEND TO BUSINESS WHEN I'VE THE BABY +TO MIND?"] + + * * * * * + +CHAT ABOUT RAILROADS. + +PARTIES: _A Simpleton from the Wilderness, and a Misanthropic Traveller. + +[The Simpleton asks for information.]_ + + "They say that railroads now an't safe. + Say, mister, how is that?" + It comes of "accidents," my friend-- + Where cheap rails spread out flat, + Cheap axles break, cheap boilers burst, + Cheap trestle-work gives way: + No wonder, when you think of that, + They kill a man a day! + + Well, folks must travel; must go fast; + Must take the cars--and risk; + They can't afford a Special Train, + Like VANDERBILT or FISK; + They know a curve that's pretty sharp, + A bank that's pretty steep, + Rocks that may roll upon the track, + "Sleepers" that never sleep; + + Here was a "smash-up" not long since, + That killed about a score; + Two trains "collided" yesterday, + And maimed a dozen more. + But, go they must--by railroad, too, + And all its risks defy: + For no American believes + That _he_ will ever die! + +_[The Simpleton, with open mouth, further questions the Traveller.]_ + + "In God's name, citizen, pray tell + How this can go on, so!" + You ask a simple thing, my friend, + As I will quickly show. + _Directors know their countrymen,_ + And _that_ is why we bleed: + So long as nothing's done to them, + The slaughter will proceed. + + It's so in coal-mines, so in mills; + It's so on steamboats, too; + We're killed by hundreds, every year: + But what's a man to do? + These harpies make our laws for us-- + Or do so through their tools: + No doubt we seem to all the world + A wretched pack of fools! + + We are so busy! We've _no time_ + To see that all is right! + We'll give the danger all our thoughts-- + The moment its in sight! + Cheap iron and cheap souls, my friend, + Have cursed us all along. + But what possesses you, good friend? + I'm sure there's nothing wrong! + +_[The Simpleton from the Wilderness is terribly excited.]_ + + "I warn 'em not to serve _me_ so! + They'll rue it, if they do! + No axle, wheel, nor rail must break; + No bridge must let me through! + No other train must smash up ours; + No culvert fall away; + The scaly boiler mustn't burst; + And here cows mustn't stray! + + "Conductors' watches _must_ keep time; + Switch-'tenders _must_ "know beans," + And engineers keep wide awake + And know what duty means: + And (in particular) no fiend + Must take into his head + To throw my train off down a bank + For spite, or even bread! + + "What! do these dreadful things go on + That companies may thrive? + Is _profit_ the sole living thing + They care to keep alive? + Then, fellow-citizen, rouse up! + For you and I are kings! + Let us decree-and straightway _have_ + A different state of things!" + +["Well, you 'decree' it; and when it's done, please let me know," +remarks the _Misanthropic Traveller._] + + * * * * * + +Sugar-Cane. + +The friends of WILLIAM TWEED, in presenting a cane to him the other +evening, desired to show the Young Democracy how many there are who +Stick to him. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE GREAT NATIONAL GAME. + +OUR COLORED BROTHER. "HI YAH! STAN' BACK DAR; +IT'S DIS CHILE'S INNIN'S NOW."] + + * * * * * + +TUTTI TREMANDO! + +Truant Bards! where are the Triumphal Odes and the Congratulatory Poems +which should have greeted Mr. PUNCHINELLO, who, after deserting his +beloved Italy, after a stormy voyage and unspeakable sea-sickness, has +arrived here with a view of settling and of becoming a citizen (having +already filed his first papers) of this magnificent Republic? Where are +the poets who should have greeted the venerable and illustrious voyager? +Imbeciles! See you not that your congratulatory work would have been +easy? That PUNCHINELLO rhymes to fellow (good) and to mellow, +(decidedly,) to say nothing of bellow, (a proper word for singers,) and +to yellow, (although into this and the sear leaf we most decidedly have +not fallen, in spite of our three or four hundred years.) Had we but +been a Prince, and called VICTORIA R. our mother, we should ere this +have been invited to balls enough to ruin our small legs, and dinners +enough to destroy our great digestion. Yet, if it should come to the +comparison of pedigrees, the Signor PUNCHINELLO feels that he could +knock these princelings into a cocked hat, (or shall we say a cocked +coronet?) Mr. PUNCHINELLO proudly knows that he is His Own Ancestor and +the Perpetual Renewer of his own Patent of Nobility. + +Gentlemen poets, it is too late! We will not now have your melodious +ovations at any price! It would be a pretty piece of business indeed, +if, after sounding our own trumpet for ages, as we may say, we should +now succumb to an idiotic modesty. Do you not understand that we were +sonorously beating our own drum when the Onondaga Giant was a mere baby? +We shall continue to play upon both these private instruments. If we +consider ourselves to be wise above our fellow-creatures, witty to a +degree most extraordinary, more Senatorial by nature and experience than +most of the Potents and Graves in Washington; if we know ourselves (and +we hope we do) to be polished, polite, and profound, why should we go +hunting about for a bushel to put our light under? Away with modesty! +Can printer's ink blush? Who blames the _Tribunes_ and the _Heralds_ and +the _Worlds_ and the _Timeses_ for vaunting a circulation which seems to +defy mortal numeration? A pretty market we should have brought our fish +to, if we should now squeamishly decline to wind our own mellow horn! + +If there be any poetical gentleman who desires to write an Epic (in not +less than twenty-four Books) on the Life and Adventures of PUNCHINELLO, +to be printed on vellum paper, with profuse illustrations, and bound in +morocco, this ambitious and worthy person has our full permission to go +ahead, and may he find (which we do not believe he will) a publisher +sensible enough to produce his work! + + * * * * * + +New-England versus New-York. + +An item of literary news states that-- + +"William R. Cutter, Esq., of Woburn, Mass., is preparing a history of +the Cutter family of New-England." + +This brings New-England directly into collision with New-York. The +"Cutter family" was never, perhaps, so fully represented anywhere as it +now is in this city. Cutters are continually cutting each other down +with knives. Other Cutters--of a less harmful kind--are contented with +cutting their own throats, not always to the loss of the world, indeed, +but invariably to the profit of the Coroner. Then there are shoals of +Cutters who cut and run with funds belonging to others, and of such is +Collector BAILEY. Unfortunately, there are very few Cutters in New-York +who "cut their coats according to their cloth;" but, to compensate for +this, the "diamond cut diamond" variety of Cutter is very common indeed. +Altogether it would take an ocean of ink and a promontory of paper to +write the history of the Cutter family of New-York. + + * * * * * + +RELIGIOUS AMUSEMENTS. + +The amusement-seeker must be thought of, even on a Sunday. For life is a +most chillingly vaporous affair (reminding one of washing-day in +November) without a liberal sprinkling of liveliness. Recognizing this +truth, our religious brethren begin to impart zest to their Sunday +services by seizing on any passing incident of uncommon raciness, such +as a particularly enterprising murder or an exceptionably comprehensive +railroad accident, for the text of a sermon or the thrilling theme of an +evening lecture. Any thing to fill the house. Thus, we find that "The +late Terrible Calamity which befell BANGMAN DONELEY and Family" was +advertised as the current attraction in the "West ----th Street United +Presbyterian Church," a Sunday or two since. A fine theme! Full of +nicely harrowing details. It must have drawn well. We are not informed +whether the reverend sensationist had a "real house" made with which to +illustrate the overwhelming incident; and some "real people," including +children, to be (apparently) crushed when it got blown over, (the +blowing being done by himself;) but here was a nice chance for dramatic +effect. + +And the same Sunday a rival attraction was advertised in the dedication +of a new Catholic Church, with "Music by a select choir and orchestra. +Admission, $1. Reserved seats, $1.50," Reduced admission fee to the +"Grand Dedication Vespers" in the evening. We do not know whether there +were opera-glasses on hire, but presume that the comfort of the audience +was carefully attended to. + +Really, Sunday is not so stupid a day, after all! + + * * * * * + +Crispin's Last. + +"About women's rights," says he, "there's a great deal of useless talk. +And then nobody says any thing about women's lefts. Now, it's my opinion +that lefts are as hard to fit as rights, especially with widows and +single women. And as for suffrage, women suffer most from having too +little sole, and too much heel. MILL, to be sure! He may be well enough +on the Floss, but he's not much on leather, believe that!" + + * * * * * + +A Western Boucicault. + +The _Chicago Republican_, says a Dubuque author, has written a drama +called "The Ten Squaws." There should be much Indianuity in the plot of +such a play. + + * * * * * + +FABLE. + +(BY OLD AESOP HIMSELF.) + +Once there was a large city that had the same name as the State to which +it belonged. The people of the State made laws for the city, because +some of the citizens of the city had declared that life and property +were not safe unless they did so. But the majority of the citizens +disliked this kind of government so much that they began to find +themselves very discontented and unhappy. At length they decided to pray +to Fate (which meant the Voters of the State) to relieve them from the +burden under which they were groaning, and restore their power. Then +Fate heard their cries and lamentations, and was kind enough to come to +their relief. "Now, why don't you use your power?" she asked. "Oh!" said +the late unhappy, and indeed wretched majority, "we only wanted a chance +to quarrel a little among ourselves, and call each other hard names." +"Couldn't you have done that before?" asked Fate. "Why do you give me +all this trouble?" "To tell the truth," said the Majority, "when we +wash, we like to show our dirty linen; and we couldn't let enough people +see it without getting you to help us." "Well," said Fate, "in future +you'll get no assistance from me in washing your foul linen. If you like +to be known as dirty people, go on being dirty, and every body that has +nose and eyes will finally understand you." + + * * * * * + +Punchinello in Erie. + +In the _Tribune's_ report of the arguments on the Erie case before the +Assembly Committee on Railroads, Mr. BURT is said to have stated his +belief that Mr. CROUCH is a contributor to PUNCHINELLO. Our best +thanks are due to Mr. BURT for his "first-rate notice," though, at the +same time, we wish to inform him that no contributor of the name of +CROUCH has hitherto made his appearance in these columns. To speak +plainly, PUNCHINELLO never Crouches. As he has no "slouch" about +him, so he has no Crouch. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: PAT-RATIOCINATION. + +_First Political Economist._ "AFTHER ALL, THE BIG MASS OF THE PEOPLE +MUST FORM THE GREAT BULK OF THE POPULATION." + +_Second ditto._ "THRUE FOR YOU, BARRIN' THEY GET INTO THE MINORITY BY +THE OVER-WHELMIN' NUMBERS OF THE PRIVILEGED FEW."] + + * * * * * + +A Rather Flashy Idea. + +With regard to heating the Hotel Dieu Hospital, in Paris, by +electricity, a contemporary has remarked, "Of course, we know nothing of +the apparatus by which this result is accomplished in Paris; but we had +the opportunity of witnessing on Wednesday last, at the Winder building, +the experiments of Dr. LEIGH BURTON in applying electricity for warming +railroad cars, which were entirely successful and satisfactory." Of +course, _we_ know nothing about it either; but we hope the new method is +a great improvement on the old one, as we have several times witnessed +_from_ the Winder, buildings, barns especially, heated by electricity in +a very _un_satisfactory manner. + + * * * * * + +"On Two, Richmond!" + +RICHARD III. fancied that there were "two RICHMONDS in the field." +Singularly coincidental with this, and well worth the attention of +Shakespearean scholars, is the fact that Richmond, Va., is now running +two mayors. Of course, Richmond, Va., cannot now be looked upon as a +"one-horse" town. + + * * * * * + +Ritualistic. + +One of the latest allurements held out by the managers of a celebrated +"high" church in this city, is a "three hours' agony"--which is about +the most appropriate name for a long and tedious sermon we remember ever +to have heard. + + * * * * * + +BOYHOOD. + +There can be no reason to doubt that METHUSELAH was blessed with a +tolerably vigorous constitution. The ordeal through which we pass to +maturity, at present, probably did not belong to the Antediluvian Epoch. +Whooping-cough, measles, scarlet fever, and croup are comparatively +modern inventions. They and the doctors came in after the flood; and the +gracious law of compensation, in its rigorous inflexibility, sets these +over against the superior civilization of our golden age. At a time when +the court-dress of our ancestors was composed of fig-leaves, or of +imperfectly dressed skins--nothing like the Astrachans of the nineteenth +century--it would certainly have been very inconvenient to coddle ailing +infantry through an attack of diphtheria, for example. So bountiful +Nature, then in the first blush of maidenhood, doubtless brought the +long-lived Patriarch through his nine hundred and sixty-nine years +without once calling in the family medical adviser. It is recorded, +however, that he was born and that he died, and he therefore certainly +passed through that stage of existence called Boyhood. And as he was +nearly two hundred years old at the birth of his first-born, it is +reasonable to suppose that the adolescent period was frightfully +prolonged in his case. Just imagine a youngster of a hundred and ten or +fifteen stealing apples or running to fires! The revelations of +ethnology, which is too youthful a science to reveal a great deal, do +not oppose the theory of all matured humanity, to wit, that the animal +boy is the same in all ages and in all races, an Ishmaelite, and Ara, an +Outlaw, hedged in and restrained by laws and customs, it may be, but +innately antagonistic to society. + +The Philosophers who have traced humanity through all stages of its +development, from the Aphis creeping on the rose-leaf to the full-grown +specimen in the person of a Member of Congress, have wisely and +invariably omitted all notice of boyhood in their lists of gradations +and transitions. Any thing like a fair examination of this particular +development scatters their doctrines to the four winds. Because the +salient traits to the next higher development, could not part with their +own identity, or send these distinguishing characteristics, in one fell +swoop, through many stages, only to reappear at last in the upper type, +and only between infancy and manhood, and only in one sex. This argument +is overwhelming, and the present purpose is to elucidate it by more +particular examination. + +It is proper, in the first place, to gather a blossom from the negative +side of the discussion. Boys are not girls. While dogs, and foxes, +pigeons and ducks, have each a generic term applicable to both sexes, +there is a tacit understanding in civilized localities that boys compose +a distinct genus. They are, in the eye of the law, considered human, +probably because they eventually pass from boyhood to humanity, There is +an old nursery rhyme which marks the distinguishing characteristics of +juvenile members of society with remarkable accuracy: + + "What are little girls made of, made of? + What are little girls made of? + Sugar and spice, + And every thing nice, + Such are little girls made of. + + What are little boys made of, made of? + What are little boys made of? + Snaps and snails + And puppy-dog tails, + Such are little boys made of!" + +There is so apparent an air of probability about this terse statement of +the case, that it has satisfied the insatiable curiosity of infantile +minds for long ages. Little girls never doubt it, and little boys never +contradict it. If Paterfamilias has any thoughts upon the subject, he +probably thinks this expenditure of snaps and snails was a great waste +of raw material. Girls may be romps and hoydens, vixens and scolds, but +the sugar and spice will always be detected, and, with all drawbacks +allowed, the little girl is still entitled to Mr. MANTALINI'S cognomen +of "demnition sweetness." At least, this is the universal verdict of +society. From the time when she dons her first _chignon,_ (which _never_ +matches the native hair, by the by,) she is nearly angelic, with some +few exceptions, perhaps, _after_ marriage. + +In the way of direct proof, to return to the muttons, it may be +observed that the next link to manhood, in the philosopher's chain, is +that highly attractive animal which M. DU CHAILLU has recently +introduced to the general public. The points of resemblance betwixt the +Gorilla and the Boy are numerous and striking. In most cases, the two +animals have an equally pleasing exterior. They both have the ability to +climb giddy heights, inaccessible to any other wingless biped. Their +language is not dissimilar, the same unintelligible chatter being +characteristic of both. As the argument proceeds, it will be seen that +distinctive traits belonging to lower classes of the animal kingdom are +totally extinct in the Gorilla, while they are emphatically visible in +his successor. + +Thus, taking the Laughing Hyena as the next illustration, it will be +remembered by all students of GOLDSMITH'S _Animated Nature_, that this +amiable quadruped invariably exercises his risibles when he is crunching +the bones of some other less truculent quadruped. It is "solitary, +cruel, and untamable, digs its food out of graves," cachinnating the +while like a thousand or fifteen hundred of brick. There are other +ravenous beasts in the world; but this one is peculiar in that he laughs +over his work, which is also his pastime. Now, if you wish to hear a Boy +laugh--a horse-laugh, a giant-laugh--just put some other animal, human +or otherwise, through a course of torture. Twist a pig's tail until it +comes out; or, if you don't like the occupation, the Boy will cheerfully +do it--and will drown the squeal of the porker in his own uproarious +merriment. What do you suppose were the age and sex of the inventor of +the game called "Tying a tin kettle to a dog's tail?" And do you suppose +this inventor stood by, in silent gravity, to witness the success of the +experiment? The yelp of the astounded dog, and the clatter of the +kitchen utensil so strangely misplaced, were doubtless swallowed up in +the loud guffaws of the Laughing Hyena on two legs. + +Another link is discovered in the person of the useful and ornamental +domestic animal who is popularly supposed to furnish the material for +sausages. The accidental discovery of a suspender-button, or the claw of +a kitten, in the sausage, gave rise to some doubt as to the composition +of this favorite edible; but statisticians usually admit that hogmeat +forms the staple. Doctor KANE speaks in glowing terms of the excellence +of rats when mixed with due proportions of walrus blubber, and cut out +in frozen chunks, probably with a cold-chisel. Why this fierce rodent +should make more savory meat than the innocent kitten, does not appear. +The latter is certainly much nicer to play with, in the ante-mortem +state. But this is a digression. Returning, therefore, not to the +mutton, but to the pork, consider the distinctive habits of both pig and +Boy at meal-time, and see how nearly identical they are. Watch the +innocent in bristles as he places his graceful right paw upon the ear of +corn, while he shells and masticates. Turn to the innocent in +broadcloth, and notice how he clutches the succulent turkey-leg, and how +rapidly he polishes the femoral bone. Throw a second ear of the cereal +in the trough, and observe how promptly the left paw secures it, lest it +should be transformed into lard through the agency of a companion pig. +Place the other turkey-leg, both wings, three slices of breast, the +side-bone and plenty of "stuffin'" within reach of the other embryo, and +notice the glare of his famished eye, if some other plate than his is +presented. You would fancy he had been exploring the route of another +ship-canal across the Isthmus of Darien, and had tasted no food for +twenty-two days. + +Neither are the post-prandial habits of the two animals under +consideration dissimilar. The corn-cracker betakes himself to some sunny +spot, where there is abundance of mud, and aids digestion by wallowing. +So does the Boy, especially if he is in dinner costume. If the quadruped +can get into a garden and root up unreplaceable flowers and fruits, +before he retires to his lair, his bliss is perfect. So the Boy; if he +can manage to break two or three windows, tear his best clothes into +ribbons, chase the family cat up a tree with hound, whoop, and halloo, +and then stone her out of it, and, as she with thickened tail scampers +to some more secure retreat, follow her with hoots and missiles--he also +retires, conscious that the day has not been wasted. And, finally, upon +this parallelism betwixt Pig and _Puer_ one patent point of resemblance +may be mentioned. Rouse up a pig, any hour of the day or night, with his +maw full to the gullet, and offer him a little more, another ear of +corn, another bucket of swill, and you will be sure of his prompt +acceptance. And place before a boy, immediately after an astounding +dinner, if you choose, any thing edible, apples, cakes, pudding, or cold +potatoes, and if _his_ maw will not accommodate the additional stowage, +you send for the doctor, knowing that the dear child is ill, that the +symptoms are novel, and that the case is urgent. + +The reference to the history of METHUSELAH with which this paper began +was not without a purpose. It was to suggest the inquiry whether or not +the _vim_ which prolonged his days would have sufficed to bring him +through _two_ courses of Boyhood. It is not unusual to hear grown people +talk of "living their youthful days over again;" but the examples of +those who have gone through this ordeal are very rare. The amount of +wear and tear, the expenditure of vital force, involved in the transit +from infancy to manhood cannot be estimated. The abrasions of later life +do not compare with the rubs of Boyhood, because none of the aids of +experience and philosophy are attainable by the tyro, who lives upon his +inherent _vis vitae_, as his kinsman in the frozen zone subsists upon +his own fat during long intervals of torpidity. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: PERSONAL GOSSIP. +(From the daily press.) + +"ONE OF OUR BEST POETS AND MAGAZINE WRITERS IS A +CLERK IN A GROCERY OF THIS CITY."] + + * * * * * + +THE FOUR SEASONS. + +[An ancient Scottish ballad written in America in 1870, to show how much +may be said by the judicious and economical use of a very few words.] + + +Beneath the trees in sweet spring-time, +In sweet spring-time, in sweet spring-time, +Beneath the trees in sweet spring-time, +Vermonters turn the honest dime + By crystallizing sap. + +Beneath the trees in summer-time, +In summer-time, in summer-time, +Beneath the trees in summer-time, +The poet cons the curious rhyme. + Or takes the tranquil nap. + +Beneath the trees in autumn-tide, +In autumn-tide, in autumn-tide, +Beneath the trees in autumn-tide, +'Tis rather nice for two to ride + Where no one else is near. + +Beneath the trees in winter wild, +In winter wild, in winter wild, +Beneath the trees in winter wild, +Ugh! Go home, you foolish child, + What are you doing here? + + * * * * * + +CONDENSED CONGRESS. + +SENATE + +Bland Mr. MORTON has been making one of his little jokes in the shape of +a petition from some more or less imaginary Quakers. These hypothetical +persons pretend to have converted to Christianity and soap some hundreds +of warriors of the wild and bounding Shawnee variety. Of course, for a +basis of evangelical operations on this scale, it is requisite to have +some land on which to erect buildings for moral quarantine. To disinfect +one Shawnee, you need to wash him in at least six waters--to inject his +veins, as it were, with Christian creosote. All this, as Mr. MORTON +justly observed, cannot be done without cost. But perhaps it was worth +it, considering the number of human scalps which were still available +for applications of sweet hair restorer, and balmy magnolia, and which +would by this time have been decorating the lower limbs of members of +the Shawnee profession, if these good Quakers had not turned them from +the improper pursuit of extraneous hair, and read them the commandment +which enjoins them from coveting their neighbor's scalp. Therefore, and +in consideration of the good done by these Quakers, they and Mr. MORTON +thought they ought to have a grant of land to enable them to continue +their lavatory labors. + +Mr. MORRILL protested in behalf of the wig-makers of America. This +petition was an insidious blow at one of the most important of our +industries. How could wigs be made unless there were bald heads. And how +wrong it was to divert any class of persons, under the shallow pretence +of making them wiser and better, from the making of bald heads. There +would be the deuce _toupee_ if this kind of thing were to be encouraged, +and their tonsorial constituents would bring them to the Scratch on this +question. He was proud to say that he was an Old Wig. Others might hold +with the hair on this question. He would run with the Shampooers and the +Shawnees. + +Mr. CARPENTER, who can see as clearly through a ladder as almost any +body in the Senate, suggested that there were no such Quakers, and that +he didn't believe there were any such Shawnees. It was an evident little +"land-grab," got up by some of Mr. MORTON'S constituents, and the +Quakers were hypothecated to promote it. He did not object to Quakers +occupying lands, but he did object to a Christianized Shawnee. He had +found that a converted Shawnee would steal considerably more than an +unregenerate one, and that he would steal various articles of the toilet +which the wild Shawnee had no use for. + +Mr. CAMERON wanted some money for the Pennsylvania soldiers who had come +first to defend the capital. He thought these men ought to be rewarded. +A good many of them had been re-Warded in Philadelphia on election day, +in order to express their political views with more frequency. That was +partly the cause of his being in the Senate, and he wanted something +done. + +Mr. THURMAN knew a man in Ohio who had enlisted before any +Pennsylvanian. + +Mr. CAMERON did not mean any disrespect to the Senator from Ohio, but +that remark was a condemn lie. + +Mr. THURMAN said Mr. CAMERON was another. His man enlisted for the +Mexican war, it was true, and not for the other war. But that slight +error didn't affect the argument. + +Mr. SUMNER knew a colored boy who had been attacked with colic when +South-Carolina seceded, on account of his sorrow and shame. It was true +he had been eating green tomatoes, but patriotism was unquestionably the +cause of his colic. He was the first to martyr of the war, and he ought +to have a monument. He regretted to see the accursed spirit of Caste +which confined honors to whites. + +Mr. CONKLING said he thought he could suggest a compromise, on a mulatto +from New-York who died in 1858. + +Mr. SUMNER called the Eyes and Nose on Mr. CONKLING, and Mr. CONKLING +said his eyes were blue, but his nose was very flat. + +Mr. SUMNER thought this would be satisfactory. + + +HOUSE. + +Mr. BINGHAM made a speech ostensibly upon the Tariff, but really about +BUTLER. He said that BUTLER didn't take Fort Fisher. This is a favorite +joke of BINGHAM'S. As to Mr. BUTLER'S opinion of his treatment of Mrs. +SURRATT, he didn't care. He should continue to advocate protection to +home industry. + +Mr. FERNANDO WOOD paid a beautiful tribute to General HOWARD. He said +that officer had been absorbing public money at a rate far exceeding any +thing even in the municipal annals of New-York. The gentle freedom might +need a bureau, but it certainly was not essential to his happiness to +have General HOWARD enriched by managing it. Mrs. HOWARD was not a +freedman. The idea was absurd. The other members of General HOWARD'S +family were not freedmen. Neither were General HOWARD'S staff. Neither +were any of the people who had benefited by this money. + +Mr. BUTLER didn't see the why of this constant row about the misuse of +money. What was the use of a man's having an office if he couldn't make +money out of it? He was proud to say that he entered the army poor and +came out rich. + + * * * * * + +The "Day" we don't Celebrate. + +The Philadelphia one. + + * * * * * + +"The Man who Laughs." + +The man who reads PUNCHINELLO. + + * * * * * + +Wanted--A Sheriff. + +The lovely city of Chicago, which needs about twenty sheriffs to keep it +in order, at the latest date had none at all; for the gentleman holding +that office by law, in sheer despair (and some debt) has absconded, +actually leaving a man to be hung, who was not hung, do you see, because +there was nobody to hang him. Plenty of rope there was, to be sure, and +a most beautiful gallows--but no sheriff! Of course, the thing came to a +stand--perhaps it would not be proper to say a Dead stand--and the +embarrassed Governor was obliged to commute the sentence! The creditors +of the missing officer made a great complaint, but the Man who Wasn't +Hung did not find the least fault. This shows the different views which +the human mind may take of the same transaction. + + * * * * * + +Municipal Competition. + +Poor New-York! We thought that there were some things in which she could +not merely not be beaten, but in which also she was secure even from +competition. But the envious will never allow us to rest upon our +hardly-earned laurels. Will it be believed that they have actually +discovered and inaugurated a Wickedest Man in Cincinnati? He is called +COLLINS, and must be a descendant of the COLLINS who wrote an Ode on the +Passions; for all the bad ones this Cincinnati COLLINS has in great +perfection. His Rage especially is beautiful. First, he knocks down his +fellow-creatures. Secondly, when the police are sent to capture him, he +knocks down the police. He is in jail, however; and we would suggest a +Convention of the Wickedest Men in all parts of the country to take +measures for his release. + + * * * * * + +Origin of the Mississippi. + +The contests for supremacy between Chicago and St. Louis have banished +every particle of modesty from both cities, and each now considers +itself to be the Centre of the Universe. Geographers may not heretofore +have understood the origin of the Mississippi River, but the St. Louis +_Democrat_ throws a great deal of light upon it. "We have been visited," +says that sheet, "by heavy showers. The rain poured down heavily all +night, flooding the gutters and adding to the volume of the river." It +thus appears that this noble stream depends mainly for its water upon +the gutters of St. Louis. Will these not, however, be rather damp +resting-places for Members of Congress, should the Capital be removed to +St. Louis? + + * * * * * + +The Repeater's Idea of Voting by Ballot. + +All Stuff. + ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS | +| IN | +| CARPETS. | +| | +| A.T. 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STEPHENS, | +| | +| ARTIST. | +| | +| No. 160 Fulton Street, | +| | +| NEW-YORK. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| Important to Newsdealers! | +| | +| ALL ORDERS FOR | +| | +| PUNCHINELLO | +| | +| Will be supplied by | +| | +| OUR SOLE AND EXCLUSIVE AGENTS, | +| | +| American News Co. | +| | +| NEW-YORK. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| J. NICKINSON | +| | +| BEGS TO ANNOUNCE TO FRIENDS OF | +| | +| "PUNCHINELLO" | +| | +| RESIDING IN THE COUNTRY, THAT, | +| | +| FOR THEIR CONVENIENCE | +| | +|HE HAS MADE ARRANGEMENTS BY WHICH, ON RECEIPT OF THE PRICE | +| OF ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED, | +| | +| THE SAME WILL BE FORWARDED, POSTAGE PAID. | +| | +| Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing | +| Houses, can have the same forwarded by inclosing two | +| stamps. | +| | | +| OFFICE OF | +| PUNCHINELLO | +| PUBLISHING CO., | +| | +| 83 Nassau Street. | +| | +| [P.O. Box 2783.] | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ + +[Illustration: CHEERFUL FOR JURIES. + +_Cook_ "HO, HO! THIS HERE PAPER SAYS THE WOMEN OF WYOMING HAS TOOK TO +SITTIN' ON JURIES. LAW SAKES! MARY ANN, WOULDN'T I LIKE TO SIT ON A +JURY!"] + ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| WALTHAM WATCHES | +| | +| 3-4 PLATE. | +| | +| 16 and 20 Sizes. | +| | +| To the manufacture of these fine Watches the Company have | +| devoted all the science and skill in the art at their | +| command, and confidently claim that, for fineness and | +| beauty, no less than for the greater excellences of | +| mechanical and scientific correctness of design and | +| execution, these watches are unsurpassed anywhere. | +| | +| In this country the manufacture of this fine grade of | +| Watches is not even attempted except at Waltham. | +| | +| FOR SALE BY ALL LEADING JEWELLERS. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ +| | +| Bowling Green Savings-Bank, | +| 33 BROADWAY, | +| | +| NEW-YORK. | +| | +| Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M. | +| | +| Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents to Ten | +| Thousand Dollars, will be received. | +| | +| Six Per Cent Interest, Free of | +| Government Tax. | +| | +| INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS | +| Commences on the first of every month. | +| | +| HENRY SMITH, _President_. | +| REEVES E. SELMES, _Secretary_. | +| WALTER ROCHE, | +| EDWARD HOGAN, _Vice-Presidents_. | +| | ++-----------------------------------------------------------+ + + +PUNCHINELLO: + +TERMS TO CLUBS. + +WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS + +FIRST: + +DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER, + +The most complete and desirable machine ever yet introduced for spinning +purposes. + +SECOND: + +BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES. + +These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, as well as useful; +and every lady should have one, as they can make every conceivable kind +of crochet or fancy work upon them. + +THIRD: + +BICKFORD'S AUTOMATIC FAMILY KNITTER. + +This is the most perfect and complete machine in the world. It knits +every thing. + +FOURTH: + +AMERICAN BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND SEWING-MACHINE. + +This great combination machine is the last and greatest improvement on +all former machines. No. 1, with finely finished Oiled Walnut Table and +Cover, complete, price, $75. No. 2, same machine without the buttonhole +parts, etc., price, $60. + +WE WILL SEND THE + +Family Spinner, price, $8, for 4 subscribers and $16. +No.1 Crochet, " 8, " 4 " " 16. + " 2 " " 15, " 6 " " 24. + " 1 Automatic Knitter, 72 needles, 30, " 12 " " 48. + " 2 " " 84 needles, 33, " 13 " " 52. +No.3 Automatic Knitter, 100 needles, 37, for 15 subscribers and $60. + " 4 " " 2 cylinders, 33, " 13 " " 52. + 1 72 needles 40. " 16 " " 64. + 1 100 needles + +No. 1 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, + price, $75, for 30 subscribers and $120. + +No. 2 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, + without buttonhole parts, etc., price, $60, for 25 subscribers and $100. + +Descriptive Circulars + +Of all these machines will be sent upon application to this office, and +full instructions for working them will be sent to purchasers. + +Parties getting up Clubs preferring cash to premiums, may deduct +seventy-five cents upon each full subscription sent for four subscribers +and upward, and after the first remittance for four subscribers may send +single names as they obtain them, deducting the commission. + +Remittances should be made in Post-Office Orders, Bank Checks, or Drafts +on New-York City; or if these can not be obtained, then by Registered +Letters, which any post-master will furnish. + +Charges on money sent by express must be prepaid, or the net amount only +will be credited. + +Directions for shipping machines must be full and explicit, to prevent +error. In sending subscriptions give address, with Town, County, and +State. + +The postage on this paper will be twenty cents per year, payable +quarterly in advance, at the place where it is received. Subscribers in +the British Provinces will remit twenty cants in addition to +subscription. + +All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to +P.O. Box 2783. + + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY + +No. 83 Nassau Street, + +NEW-YORK + + * * * * * + +S.W. GREEN, PRINTER, CORNER JACOB AND FRANKFORT STREETS. + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 4, April 23, +1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, APRIL 23, 1870 *** + +***** This file should be named 9898.txt or 9898.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/9/8/9/9898/ + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve +Schulze and PG Distributed Proofreaders + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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