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diff --git a/985-0.txt b/985-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1f0d237 --- /dev/null +++ b/985-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2374 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Father Sergius, by Leo Tolstoy + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Father Sergius + +Author: Leo Tolstoy + +Translator: Louise and Aylmer Maude + +Release Date: July, 1997 [Etext #985] +Posting Date: July 9, 2009 +Last Updated: September 10, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FATHER SERGIUS *** + + + + +Produced by Judith Boss + + + + + + + + + +FATHER SERGIUS + +By Leo Tolstoy + + + + +I + +In Petersburg in the eighteen-forties a surprising event occurred. An +officer of the Cuirassier Life Guards, a handsome prince who everyone +predicted would become aide-de-camp to the Emperor Nicholas I and have +a brilliant career, left the service, broke off his engagement to a +beautiful maid of honour, a favourite of the Empress’s, gave his small +estate to his sister, and retired to a monastery to become a monk. + +This event appeared extraordinary and inexplicable to those who did not +know his inner motives, but for Prince Stepan Kasatsky himself it all +occurred so naturally that he could not imagine how he could have acted +otherwise. + +His father, a retired colonel of the Guards, had died when Stepan was +twelve, and sorry as his mother was to part from her son, she entered +him at the Military College as her deceased husband had intended. + +The widow herself, with her daughter, Varvara, moved to Petersburg to be +near her son and have him with her for the holidays. + +The boy was distinguished both by his brilliant ability and by his +immense self-esteem. He was first both in his studies--especially in +mathematics, of which he was particularly fond--and also in drill and in +riding. Though of more than average height, he was handsome and agile, +and he would have been an altogether exemplary cadet had it not been for +his quick temper. He was remarkably truthful, and was neither dissipated +nor addicted to drink. The only faults that marred his conduct were +fits of fury to which he was subject and during which he lost control of +himself and became like a wild animal. He once nearly threw out of the +window another cadet who had begun to tease him about his collection +of minerals. On another occasion he came almost completely to grief +by flinging a whole dish of cutlets at an officer who was acting as +steward, attacking him and, it was said, striking him for having broken +his word and told a barefaced lie. He would certainly have been reduced +to the ranks had not the Director of the College hushed up the whole +matter and dismissed the steward. + +By the time he was eighteen he had finished his College course and +received a commission as lieutenant in an aristocratic regiment of the +Guards. + +The Emperor Nicholas Pavlovich (Nicholas I) had noticed him while he +was still at the College, and continued to take notice of him in the +regiment, and it was on this account that people predicted for him an +appointment as aide-de-camp to the Emperor. Kasatsky himself strongly +desired it, not from ambition only but chiefly because since his cadet +days he had been passionately devoted to Nicholas Pavlovich. The Emperor +had often visited the Military College and every time Kasatsky saw +that tall erect figure, with breast expanded in its military overcoat, +entering with brisk step, saw the cropped side-whiskers, the moustache, +the aquiline nose, and heard the sonorous voice exchanging greetings +with the cadets, he was seized by the same rapture that he experienced +later on when he met the woman he loved. Indeed, his passionate +adoration of the Emperor was even stronger: he wished to sacrifice +something--everything, even himself--to prove his complete devotion. +And the Emperor Nicholas was conscious of evoking this rapture and +deliberately aroused it. He played with the cadets, surrounded himself +with them, treating them sometimes with childish simplicity, sometimes +as a friend, and then again with majestic solemnity. After that affair +with the officer, Nicholas Pavlovich said nothing to Kasatsky, but when +the latter approached he waved him away theatrically, frowned, shook his +finger at him, and afterwards when leaving, said: ‘Remember that I know +everything. There are some things I would rather not know, but they +remain here,’ and he pointed to his heart. + +When on leaving College the cadets were received by the Emperor, he did +not again refer to Kasatsky’s offence, but told them all, as was his +custom, that they should serve him and the fatherland loyally, that he +would always be their best friend, and that when necessary they might +approach him direct. All the cadets were as usual greatly moved, and +Kasatsky even shed tears, remembering the past, and vowed that he would +serve his beloved Tsar with all his soul. + +When Kasatsky took up his commission his mother moved with her daughter +first to Moscow and then to their country estate. Kasatsky gave half his +property to his sister and kept only enough to maintain himself in the +expensive regiment he had joined. + +To all appearance he was just an ordinary, brilliant young officer +of the Guards making a career for himself; but intense and complex +strivings went on within him. From early childhood his efforts had +seemed to be very varied, but essentially they were all one and the +same. He tried in everything he took up to attain such success and +perfection as would evoke praise and surprise. Whether it was his +studies or his military exercises, he took them up and worked at them +till he was praised and held up as an example to others. Mastering one +subject he took up another, and obtained first place in his studies. For +example, while still at College he noticed in himself an awkwardness in +French conversation, and contrived to master French till he spoke it +as well as Russian, and then he took up chess and became an excellent +player. + +Apart from his main vocation, which was the service of his Tsar and +the fatherland, he always set himself some particular aim, and however +unimportant it was, devoted himself completely to it and lived for it +until it was accomplished. And as soon as it was attained another +aim would immediately present itself, replacing its predecessor. This +passion for distinguishing himself, or for accomplishing something +in order to distinguish himself, filled his life. On taking up his +commission he set himself to acquire the utmost perfection in knowledge +of the service, and very soon became a model officer, though still with +the same fault of ungovernable irascibility, which here in the service +again led him to commit actions inimical to his success. Then he took to +reading, having once in conversation in society felt himself deficient +in general education--and again achieved his purpose. Then, wishing +to secure a brilliant position in high society, he learnt to dance +excellently and very soon was invited to all the balls in the best +circles, and to some of their evening gatherings. But this did not +satisfy him: he was accustomed to being first, and in this society was +far from being so. + +The highest society then consisted, and I think always consist, of +four sorts of people: rich people who are received at Court, people +not wealthy but born and brought up in Court circles, rich people who +ingratiate themselves into the Court set, and people neither rich nor +belonging to the Court but who ingratiate themselves into the first and +second sets. + +Kasatsky did not belong to the first two sets, but was readily welcomed +in the others. On entering society he determined to have relations with +some society lady, and to his own surprise quickly accomplished this +purpose. He soon realized, however, that the circles in which he moved +were not the highest, and that though he was received in the highest +spheres he did not belong to them. They were polite to him, but showed +by their whole manner that they had their own set and that he was not of +it. And Kasatsky wished to belong to that inner circle. To attain that +end it would be necessary to be an aide-de-camp to the Emperor--which +he expected to become--or to marry into that exclusive set, which he +resolved to do. And his choice fell on a beauty belonging to the +Court, who not merely belonged to the circle into which he wished to be +accepted, but whose friendship was coveted by the very highest people +and those most firmly established in that highest circle. This was +Countess Korotkova. Kasatsky began to pay court to her, and not merely +for the sake of his career. She was extremely attractive and he soon +fell in love with her. At first she was noticeably cool towards him, +but then suddenly changed and became gracious, and her mother gave him +pressing invitations to visit them. Kasatsky proposed and was accepted. +He was surprised at the facility with which he attained such happiness. +But though he noticed something strange and unusual in the behaviour +towards him of both mother and daughter, he was blinded by being +so deeply in love, and did not realize what almost the whole town +knew--namely, that his fiancee had been the Emperor Nicholas’s mistress +the previous year. + +Two weeks before the day arranged for the wedding, Kasatsky was at +Tsarskoe Selo at his fiancee’s country place. It was a hot day in May. +He and his betrothed had walked about the garden and were sitting on +a bench in a shady linden alley. Mary’s white muslin dress suited her +particularly well, and she seemed the personification of innocence and +love as she sat, now bending her head, now gazing up at the very tall +and handsome man who was speaking to her with particular tenderness and +self-restraint, as if he feared by word or gesture to offend or sully +her angelic purity. + +Kasatsky belonged to those men of the eighteen-forties (they are now no +longer to be found) who while deliberately and without any conscientious +scruples condoning impurity in themselves, required ideal and angelic +purity in their women, regarded all unmarried women of their circle as +possessed of such purity, and treated them accordingly. There was much +that was false and harmful in this outlook, as concerning the laxity the +men permitted themselves, but in regard to the women that old-fashioned +view (sharply differing from that held by young people to-day who see in +every girl merely a female seeking a mate) was, I think, of value. The +girls, perceiving such adoration, endeavoured with more or less success +to be goddesses. + +Such was the view Kasatsky held of women, and that was how he regarded +his fiancee. He was particularly in love that day, but did not +experience any sensual desire for her. On the contrary he regarded her +with tender adoration as something unattainable. + +He rose to his full height, standing before her with both hands on his +sabre. + +‘I have only now realized what happiness a man can experience! And it is +you, my darling, who have given me this happiness,’ he said with a timid +smile. + +Endearments had not yet become usual between them, and feeling himself +morally inferior he felt terrified at this stage to use them to such an +angel. + +‘It is thanks to you that I have come to know myself. I have learnt that +I am better than I thought.’ + +‘I have known that for a long time. That was why I began to love you.’ + +Nightingales trilled near by and the fresh leafage rustled, moved by a +passing breeze. + +He took her hand and kissed it, and tears came into his eyes. + +She understood that he was thanking her for having said she loved him. +He silently took a few steps up and down, and then approached her again +and sat down. + +‘You know... I have to tell you... I was not disinterested when I +began to make love to you. I wanted to get into society; but later... +how unimportant that became in comparison with you--when I got to know +you. You are not angry with me for that?’ + +She did not reply but merely touched his hand. He understood that this +meant: ‘No, I am not angry.’ + +‘You said...’ He hesitated. It seemed too bold to say. ‘You said that +you began to love me. I believe it--but there is something that troubles +you and checks your feeling. What is it?’ + +‘Yes--now or never!’ thought she. ‘He is bound to know of it anyway. But +now he will not forsake me. Ah, if he should, it would be terrible!’ And +she threw a loving glance at his tall, noble, powerful figure. She loved +him now more than she had loved the Tsar, and apart from the Imperial +dignity would not have preferred the Emperor to him. + +‘Listen! I cannot deceive you. I have to tell you. You ask what it is? +It is that I have loved before.’ + +She again laid her hand on his with an imploring gesture. He was silent. + +‘You want to know who it was? It was--the Emperor.’ + +‘We all love him. I can imagine you, a schoolgirl at the Institute...’ + +‘No, it was later. I was infatuated, but it passed... I must tell +you...’ + +‘Well, what of it?’ + +‘No, it was not simply--’ She covered her face with her hands. + +‘What? You gave yourself to him?’ + +She was silent. + +‘His mistress?’ + +She did not answer. + +He sprang up and stood before her with trembling jaws, pale as death. He +now remembered how the Emperor, meeting him on the Nevsky, had amiably +congratulated him. + +‘O God, what have I done! Stiva!’ + +‘Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Oh, how it pains!’ + +He turned away and went to the house. There he met her mother. + +‘What is the matter, Prince? I...’ She became silent on seeing his +face. The blood had suddenly rushed to his head. + +‘You knew it, and used me to shield them! If you weren’t a woman...!’ +he cried, lifting his enormous fist, and turning aside he ran away. + +Had his fiancee’s lover been a private person he would have killed him, +but it was his beloved Tsar. + +Next day he applied both for furlough and his discharge, and professing +to be ill, so as to see no one, he went away to the country. + +He spent the summer at his village arranging his affairs. When summer +was over he did not return to Petersburg, but entered a monastery and +there became a monk. + +His mother wrote to try to dissuade him from this decisive step, but +he replied that he felt God’s call which transcended all other +considerations. Only his sister, who was as proud and ambitious as he, +understood him. + +She understood that he had become a monk in order to be above those who +considered themselves his superiors. And she understood him correctly. +By becoming a monk he showed contempt for all that seemed most important +to others and had seemed so to him while he was in the service, and +he now ascended a height from which he could look down on those he had +formerly envied.... But it was not this alone, as his sister Varvara +supposed, that influenced him. There was also in him something else--a +sincere religious feeling which Varvara did not know, which intertwined +itself with the feeling of pride and the desire for pre-eminence, +and guided him. His disillusionment with Mary, whom he had thought +of angelic purity, and his sense of injury, were so strong that they +brought him to despair, and the despair led him--to what? To God, to his +childhood’s faith which had never been destroyed in him. + + + + +II + +Kasatsky entered the monastery on the feast of the Intercession of the +Blessed Virgin. The Abbot of that monastery was a gentleman by birth, a +learned writer and a starets, that is, he belonged to that succession +of monks originating in Walachia who each choose a director and teacher +whom they implicitly obey. This Superior had been a disciple of the +starets Ambrose, who was a disciple of Makarius, who was a disciple of +the starets Leonid, who was a disciple of Paussy Velichkovsky. + +To this Abbot Kasatsky submitted himself as to his chosen director. Here +in the monastery, besides the feeling of ascendency over others that +such a life gave him, he felt much as he had done in the world: he found +satisfaction in attaining the greatest possible perfection outwardly +as well as inwardly. As in the regiment he had been not merely an +irreproachable officer but had even exceeded his duties and widened the +borders of perfection, so also as a monk he tried to be perfect, and was +always industrious, abstemious, submissive, and meek, as well as +pure both in deed and in thought, and obedient. This last quality in +particular made life far easier for him. If many of the demands of life +in the monastery, which was near the capital and much frequented, did +not please him and were temptations to him, they were all nullified by +obedience: ‘It is not for me to reason; my business is to do the task +set me, whether it be standing beside the relics, singing in the choir, +or making up accounts in the monastery guest-house.’ All possibility of +doubt about anything was silenced by obedience to the starets. Had +it not been for this, he would have been oppressed by the length and +monotony of the church services, the bustle of the many visitors, and +the bad qualities of the other monks. As it was, he not only bore it +all joyfully but found in it solace and support. ‘I don’t know why it is +necessary to hear the same prayers several times a day, but I know that +it is necessary; and knowing this I find joy in them.’ His director told +him that as material food is necessary for the maintenance of the life +of the body, so spiritual food--the church prayers--is necessary for +the maintenance of the spiritual life. He believed this, and though the +church services, for which he had to get up early in the morning, were +a difficulty, they certainly calmed him and gave him joy. This was the +result of his consciousness of humility, and the certainty that whatever +he had to do, being fixed by the starets, was right. + +The interest of his life consisted not only in an ever greater and +greater subjugation of his will, but in the attainment of all the +Christian virtues, which at first seemed to him easily attainable. He +had given his whole estate to his sister and did not regret it, he had +no personal claims, humility towards his inferiors was not merely easy +for him but afforded him pleasure. Even victory over the sins of the +flesh, greed and lust, was easily attained. His director had specially +warned him against the latter sin, but Kasatsky felt free from it and +was glad. + +One thing only tormented him--the remembrance of his fiancee; and not +merely the remembrance but the vivid image of what might have been. +Involuntarily he recalled a lady he knew who had been a favourite of the +Emperor’s, but had afterwards married and become an admirable wife and +mother. The husband had a high position, influence and honour, and a +good and penitent wife. + +In his better hours Kasatsky was not disturbed by such thoughts, and +when he recalled them at such times he was merely glad to feel that the +temptation was past. But there were moments when all that made up his +present life suddenly grew dim before him, moments when, if he did not +cease to believe in the aims he had set himself, he ceased to see them +and could evoke no confidence in them but was seized by a remembrance +of, and--terrible to say--a regret for, the change of life he had made. + +The only thing that saved him in that state of mind was obedience and +work, and the fact that the whole day was occupied by prayer. He went +through the usual forms of prayer, he bowed in prayer, he even prayed +more than usual, but it was lip-service only and his soul was not in it. +This condition would continue for a day, or sometimes for two days, and +would then pass of itself. But those days were dreadful. Kasatsky felt +that he was neither in his own hands nor in God’s, but was subject +to something else. All he could do then was to obey the starets, to +restrain himself, to undertake nothing, and simply to wait. In general +all this time he lived not by his own will but by that of the starets, +and in this obedience he found a special tranquillity. + +So he lived in his first monastery for seven years. At the end of the +third year he received the tonsure and was ordained to the priesthood by +the name of Sergius. The profession was an important event in his inner +life. He had previously experienced a great consolation and spiritual +exaltation when receiving communion, and now when he himself officiated, +the performance of the preparation filled him with ecstatic and deep +emotion. But subsequently that feeling became more and more deadened, +and once when he was officiating in a depressed state of mind he felt +that the influence produced on him by the service would not endure. And +it did in fact weaken till only the habit remained. + +In general in the seventh year of his life in the monastery Sergius grew +weary. He had learnt all there was to learn and had attained all there +was to attain, there was nothing more to do and his spiritual drowsiness +increased. During this time he heard of his mother’s death and his +sister Varvara’s marriage, but both events were matters of indifference +to him. His whole attention and his whole interest were concentrated on +his inner life. + +In the fourth year of his priesthood, during which the Bishop had been +particularly kind to him, the starets told him that he ought not to +decline it if he were offered an appointment to higher duties. Then +monastic ambition, the very thing he had found so repulsive in other +monks, arose within him. He was assigned to a monastery near the +metropolis. He wished to refuse but the starets ordered him to accept +the appointment. He did so, and took leave of the starets and moved to +the other monastery. + +The exchange into the metropolitan monastery was an important event in +Sergius’s life. There he encountered many temptations, and his whole +will-power was concentrated on meeting them. + +In the first monastery, women had not been a temptation to him, but +here that temptation arose with terrible strength and even took definite +shape. There was a lady known for her frivolous behaviour who began to +seek his favour. She talked to him and asked him to visit her. Sergius +sternly declined, but was horrified by the definiteness of his desire. +He was so alarmed that he wrote about it to the starets. And in +addition, to keep himself in hand, he spoke to a young novice and, +conquering his sense of shame, confessed his weakness to him, asking him +to keep watch on him and not let him go anywhere except to service and +to fulfil his duties. + +Besides this, a great pitfall for Sergius lay in the fact of his extreme +antipathy to his new Abbot, a cunning worldly man who was making a +career for himself in the Church. Struggle with himself as he might, he +could not master that feeling. He was submissive to the Abbot, but in +the depths of his soul he never ceased to condemn him. And in the second +year of his residence at the new monastery that ill-feeling broke out. + +The Vigil service was being performed in the large church on the eve of +the feast of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin, and there were many +visitors. The Abbot himself was conducting the service. Father Sergius +was standing in his usual place and praying: that is, he was in that +condition of struggle which always occupied him during the service, +especially in the large church when he was not himself conducting the +service. This conflict was occasioned by his irritation at the presence +of fine folk, especially ladies. He tried not to see them or to notice +all that went on: how a soldier conducted them, pushing the +common people aside, how the ladies pointed out the monks to one +another--especially himself and a monk noted for his good looks. He +tried as it were to keep his mind in blinkers, to see nothing but +the light of the candles on the altar-screen, the icons, and those +conducting the service. He tried to hear nothing but the prayers +that were being chanted or read, to feel nothing but self-oblivion in +consciousness of the fulfilment of duty--a feeling he always experienced +when hearing or reciting in advance the prayers he had so often heard. + +So he stood, crossing and prostrating himself when necessary, and +struggled with himself, now giving way to cold condemnation and now to +a consciously evoked obliteration of thought and feeling. Then the +sacristan, Father Nicodemus--also a great stumbling-block to Sergius +who involuntarily reproached him for flattering and fawning on the +Abbot--approached him and, bowing low, requested his presence behind the +holy gates. Father Sergius straightened his mantle, put on his biretta, +and went circumspectly through the crowd. + +‘Lise, regarde a droite, c’est lui!’ he heard a woman’s voice say. + +‘Ou, ou? Il n’est pas tellement beau.’ + +He knew that they were speaking of him. He heard them and, as always +at moments of temptation, he repeated the words, ‘Lead us not into +temptation,’ and bowing his head and lowering his eyes went past the +ambo and in by the north door, avoiding the canons in their cassocks who +were just then passing the altar-screen. On entering the sanctuary he +bowed, crossing himself as usual and bending double before the icons. +Then, raising his head but without turning, he glanced out of the corner +of his eye at the Abbot, whom he saw standing beside another glittering +figure. + +The Abbot was standing by the wall in his vestments. Having freed his +short plump hands from beneath his chasuble he had folded them over +his fat body and protruding stomach, and fingering the cords of his +vestments was smilingly saying something to a military man in the +uniform of a general of the Imperial suite, with its insignia +and shoulder-knots which Father Sergius’s experienced eye at once +recognized. This general had been the commander of the regiment in which +Sergius had served. He now evidently occupied an important position, and +Father Sergius at once noticed that the Abbot was aware of this and that +his red face and bald head beamed with satisfaction and pleasure. This +vexed and disgusted Father Sergius, the more so when he heard that the +Abbot had only sent for him to satisfy the general’s curiosity to see a +man who had formerly served with him, as he expressed it. + +‘Very pleased to see you in your angelic guise,’ said the general, +holding out his hand. ‘I hope you have not forgotten an old comrade.’ + +The whole thing--the Abbot’s red, smiling face amid its fringe of grey, +the general’s words, his well-cared-for face with its self-satisfied +smile and the smell of wine from his breath and of cigars from his +whiskers--revolted Father Sergius. He bowed again to the Abbot and said: + +‘Your reverence deigned to send for me?’--and stopped, the whole +expression of his face and eyes asking why. + +‘Yes, to meet the General,’ replied the Abbot. + +‘Your reverence, I left the world to save myself from temptation,’ said +Father Sergius, turning pale and with quivering lips. ‘Why do you expose +me to it during prayers and in God’s house?’ + +‘You may go! Go!’ said the Abbot, flaring up and frowning. + +Next day Father Sergius asked pardon of the Abbot and of the brethren +for his pride, but at the same time, after a night spent in prayer, he +decided that he must leave this monastery, and he wrote to the starets +begging permission to return to him. He wrote that he felt his weakness +and incapacity to struggle against temptation without his help and +penitently confessed his sin of pride. By return of post came a letter +from the starets, who wrote that Sergius’s pride was the cause of all +that had happened. The old man pointed out that his fits of anger were +due to the fact that in refusing all clerical honours he humiliated +himself not for the sake of God but for the sake of his pride. ‘There +now, am I not a splendid man not to want anything?’ That was why he +could not tolerate the Abbot’s action. ‘I have renounced everything for +the glory of God, and here I am exhibited like a wild beast!’ ‘Had you +renounced vanity for God’s sake you would have borne it. Worldly pride +is not yet dead in you. I have thought about you, Sergius my son, and +prayed also, and this is what God has suggested to me. At the Tambov +hermitage the anchorite Hilary, a man of saintly life, has died. He had +lived there eighteen years. The Tambov Abbot is asking whether there is +not a brother who would take his place. And here comes your letter. Go +to Father Paissy of the Tambov Monastery. I will write to him about you, +and you must ask for Hilary’s cell. Not that you can replace Hilary, but +you need solitude to quell your pride. May God bless you!’ + +Sergius obeyed the starets, showed his letter to the Abbot, and having +obtained his permission, gave up his cell, handed all his possessions +over to the monastery, and set out for the Tambov hermitage. + +There the Abbot, an excellent manager of merchant origin, received +Sergius simply and quietly and placed him in Hilary’s cell, at first +assigning to him a lay brother but afterwards leaving him alone, at +Sergius’s own request. The cell was a dual cave, dug into the hillside, +and in it Hilary had been buried. In the back part was Hilary’s grave, +while in the front was a niche for sleeping, with a straw mattress, a +small table, and a shelf with icons and books. Outside the outer door, +which fastened with a hook, was another shelf on which, once a day, a +monk placed food from the monastery. + +And so Sergius became a hermit. + + + + +III + +At Carnival time, in the sixth year of Sergius’s life at the hermitage, +a merry company of rich people, men and women from a neighbouring town, +made up a troyka-party, after a meal of carnival-pancakes and wine. The +company consisted of two lawyers, a wealthy landowner, an officer, and +four ladies. One lady was the officer’s wife, another the wife of +the landowner, the third his sister--a young girl--and the fourth a +divorcee, beautiful, rich, and eccentric, who amazed and shocked the +town by her escapades. + +The weather was excellent and the snow-covered road smooth as a floor. +They drove some seven miles out of town, and then stopped and consulted +as to whether they should turn back or drive farther. + +‘But where does this road lead to?’ asked Makovkina, the beautiful +divorcee. + +‘To Tambov, eight miles from here,’ replied one of the lawyers, who was +having a flirtation with her. + +‘And then where?’ + +‘Then on to L----, past the Monastery.’ + +‘Where that Father Sergius lives?’ + +‘Yes.’ + +‘Kasatsky, the handsome hermit?’ + +‘Yes.’ + +‘Mesdames et messieurs, let us drive on and see Kasatsky! We can stop at +Tambov and have something to eat.’ + +‘But we shouldn’t get home to-night!’ + +‘Never mind, we will stay at Kasatsky’s.’ + +‘Well, there is a very good hostelry at the Monastery. I stayed there +when I was defending Makhin.’ + +‘No, I shall spend the night at Kasatsky’s!’ + +‘Impossible! Even your omnipotence could not accomplish that!’ + +‘Impossible? Will you bet?’ + +‘All right! If you spend the night with him, the stake shall be whatever +you like.’ + +‘A DISCRETION!’ + +‘But on your side too!’ + +‘Yes, of course. Let us drive on.’ + +Vodka was handed to the drivers, and the party got out a box of pies, +wine, and sweets for themselves. The ladies wrapped up in their white +dogskins. The drivers disputed as to whose troyka should go ahead, and +the youngest, seating himself sideways with a dashing air, swung his +long knout and shouted to the horses. The troyka-bells tinkled and the +sledge-runners squeaked over the snow. + +The sledge swayed hardly at all. The shaft-horse, with his tightly bound +tail under his decorated breechband, galloped smoothly and briskly; the +smooth road seemed to run rapidly backwards, while the driver dashingly +shook the reins. One of the lawyers and the officer sitting opposite +talked nonsense to Makovkina’s neighbour, but Makovkina herself sat +motionless and in thought, tightly wrapped in her fur. ‘Always the same +and always nasty! The same red shiny faces smelling of wine and cigars! +The same talk, the same thoughts, and always about the same things! And +they are all satisfied and confident that it should be so, and will +go on living like that till they die. But I can’t. It bores me. I want +something that would upset it all and turn it upside down. Suppose +it happened to us as to those people--at Saratov was it?--who kept on +driving and froze to death.... What would our people do? How would +they behave? Basely, for certain. Each for himself. And I too should act +badly. But I at any rate have beauty. They all know it. And how about +that monk? Is it possible that he has become indifferent to it? No! That +is the one thing they all care for--like that cadet last autumn. What a +fool he was!’ + +‘Ivan Nikolaevich!’ she said aloud. + +‘What are your commands?’ + +‘How old is he?’ + +‘Who?’ + +‘Kasatsky.’ + +‘Over forty, I should think.’ + +‘And does he receive all visitors?’ + +‘Yes, everybody, but not always.’ + +‘Cover up my feet. Not like that--how clumsy you are! No! More, +more--like that! But you need not squeeze them!’ + +So they came to the forest where the cell was. + +Makovkina got out of the sledge, and told them to drive on. They tried +to dissuade her, but she grew irritable and ordered them to go on. + +When the sledges had gone she went up the path in her white dogskin +coat. The lawyer got out and stopped to watch her. + +It was Father Sergius’s sixth year as a recluse, and he was now +forty-nine. His life in solitude was hard--not on account of the fasts +and the prayers (they were no hardship to him) but on account of an +inner conflict he had not at all anticipated. The sources of that +conflict were two: doubts, and the lust of the flesh. And these two +enemies always appeared together. It seemed to him that they were two +foes, but in reality they were one and the same. As soon as doubt was +gone so was the lustful desire. But thinking them to be two different +fiends he fought them separately. + +‘O my God, my God!’ thought he. ‘Why dost thou not grant me faith? There +is lust, of course: even the saints had to fight that--Saint Anthony and +others. But they had faith, while I have moments, hours, and days, when +it is absent. Why does the whole world, with all its delights, exist +if it is sinful and must be renounced? Why hast Thou created this +temptation? Temptation? Is it not rather a temptation that I wish to +abandon all the joys of earth and prepare something for myself there +where perhaps there is nothing?’ And he became horrified and filled with +disgust at himself. ‘Vile creature! And it is you who wish to become a +saint!’ he upbraided himself, and he began to pray. But as soon as he +started to pray he saw himself vividly as he had been at the Monastery, +in a majestic post in biretta and mantle, and he shook his head. ‘No, +that is not right. It is deception. I may deceive others, but not myself +or God. I am not a majestic man, but a pitiable and ridiculous one!’ And +he threw back the folds of his cassock and smiled as he looked at his +thin legs in their underclothing. + +Then he dropped the folds of the cassock again and began reading the +prayers, making the sign of the cross and prostrating himself. ‘Can +it be that this couch will be my bier?’ he read. And it seemed as if a +devil whispered to him: ‘A solitary couch is itself a bier. Falsehood!’ +And in imagination he saw the shoulders of a widow with whom he had +lived. He shook himself, and went on reading. Having read the precepts +he took up the Gospels, opened the book, and happened on a passage +he often repeated and knew by heart: ‘Lord, I believe. Help thou my +unbelief!’--and he put away all the doubts that had arisen. As one +replaces an object of insecure equilibrium, so he carefully replaced his +belief on its shaky pedestal and carefully stepped back from it so as +not to shake or upset it. The blinkers were adjusted again and he felt +tranquillized, and repeating his childhood’s prayer: ‘Lord, receive me, +receive me!’ he felt not merely at ease, but thrilled and joyful. He +crossed himself and lay down on the bedding on his narrow bench, tucking +his summer cassock under his head. He fell asleep at once, and in his +light slumber he seemed to hear the tinkling of sledge bells. He did not +know whether he was dreaming or awake, but a knock at the door aroused +him. He sat up, distrusting his senses, but the knock was repeated. Yes, +it was a knock close at hand, at his door, and with it the sound of a +woman’s voice. + +‘My God! Can it be true, as I have read in the Lives of the Saints, that +the devil takes on the form of a woman? Yes--it is a woman’s voice. +And a tender, timid, pleasant voice. Phui!’ And he spat to exorcise the +devil. ‘No, it was only my imagination,’ he assured himself, and he +went to the corner where his lectern stood, falling on his knees in the +regular and habitual manner which of itself gave him consolation and +satisfaction. He sank down, his hair hanging over his face, and pressed +his head, already going bald in front, to the cold damp strip of drugget +on the draughty floor. He read the psalm old Father Pimon had told him +warded off temptation. He easily raised his light and emaciated body +on his strong sinewy legs and tried to continue saying his prayers, but +instead of doing so he involuntarily strained his hearing. He wished +to hear more. All was quiet. From the corner of the roof regular drops +continued to fall into the tub below. Outside was a mist and fog eating +into the snow that lay on the ground. It was still, very still. And +suddenly there was a rustling at the window and a voice--that +same tender, timid voice, which could only belong to an attractive +woman--said: + +‘Let me in, for Christ’s sake!’ + +It seemed as though his blood had all rushed to his heart and settled +there. He could hardly breathe. ‘Let God arise and let his enemies be +scattered...’ + +‘But I am not a devil!’ It was obvious that the lips that uttered this +were smiling. ‘I am not a devil, but only a sinful woman who has lost +her way, not figuratively but literally!’ She laughed. ‘I am frozen and +beg for shelter.’ + +He pressed his face to the window, but the little icon-lamp was +reflected by it and shone on the whole pane. He put his hands to both +sides of his face and peered between them. Fog, mist, a tree, and--just +opposite him--she herself. Yes, there, a few inches from him, was the +sweet, kindly frightened face of a woman in a cap and a coat of long +white fur, leaning towards him. Their eyes met with instant recognition: +not that they had ever known one another, they had never met before, +but by the look they exchanged they--and he particularly--felt that they +knew and understood one another. After that glance to imagine her to be +a devil and not a simple, kindly, sweet, timid woman, was impossible. + +‘Who are you? Why have you come?’ he asked. + +‘Do please open the door!’ she replied, with capricious authority. ‘I am +frozen. I tell you I have lost my way.’ + +‘But I am a monk--a hermit.’ + +‘Oh, do please open the door--or do you wish me to freeze under your +window while you say your prayers?’ + +‘But how have you...’ + +‘I shan’t eat you. For God’s sake let me in! I am quite frozen.’ + +She really did feel afraid, and said this in an almost tearful voice. + +He stepped back from the window and looked at an icon of the Saviour +in His crown of thorns. ‘Lord, help me! Lord, help me!’ he exclaimed, +crossing himself and bowing low. Then he went to the door, and opening +it into the tiny porch, felt for the hook that fastened the outer door +and began to lift it. He heard steps outside. She was coming from the +window to the door. ‘Ah!’ she suddenly exclaimed, and he understood +that she had stepped into the puddle that the dripping from the roof had +formed at the threshold. His hands trembled, and he could not raise the +hook of the tightly closed door. + +‘Oh, what are you doing? Let me in! I am all wet. I am frozen! You are +thinking about saving your soul and are letting me freeze to death...’ + +He jerked the door towards him, raised the hook, and without considering +what he was doing, pushed it open with such force that it struck her. + +‘Oh--PARDON!’ he suddenly exclaimed, reverting completely to his old +manner with ladies. + +She smiled on hearing that PARDON. ‘He is not quite so terrible, after +all,’ she thought. ‘It’s all right. It is you who must pardon me,’ she +said, stepping past him. ‘I should never have ventured, but such an +extraordinary circumstance...’ + +‘If you please!’ he uttered, and stood aside to let her pass him. A +strong smell of fine scent, which he had long not encountered, struck +him. She went through the little porch into the cell where he lived. He +closed the outer door without fastening the hook, and stepped in after +her. + +‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner! Lord, have +mercy on me a sinner!’ he prayed unceasingly, not merely to himself but +involuntarily moving his lips. ‘If you please!’ he said to her again. +She stood in the middle of the room, moisture dripping from her to the +floor as she looked him over. Her eyes were laughing. + +‘Forgive me for having disturbed your solitude. But you see what a +position I am in. It all came about from our starting from town for a +sledge-drive, and my making a bet that I would walk back by myself from +the Vorobevka to the town. But then I lost my way, and if I had not +happened to come upon your cell...’ She began lying, but his face +confused her so that she could not continue, but became silent. She had +not expected him to be at all such as he was. He was not as handsome +as she had imagined, but was nevertheless beautiful in her eyes: his +greyish hair and beard, slightly curling, his fine, regular nose, +and his eyes like glowing coal when he looked at her, made a strong +impression on her. + +He saw that she was lying. + +‘Yes... so,’ said he, looking at her and again lowering his eyes. ‘I +will go in there, and this place is at your disposal.’ + +And taking down the little lamp, he lit a candle, and bowing low to her +went into the small cell beyond the partition, and she heard him begin +to move something about there. ‘Probably he is barricading himself in +from me!’ she thought with a smile, and throwing off her white dogskin +cloak she tried to take off her cap, which had become entangled in her +hair and in the woven kerchief she was wearing under it. She had not +got at all wet when standing under the window, and had said so only as +a pretext to get him to let her in. But she really had stepped into the +puddle at the door, and her left foot was wet up to the ankle and her +overshoe full of water. She sat down on his bed--a bench only covered by +a bit of carpet--and began to take off her boots. The little cell seemed +to her charming. The narrow little room, some seven feet by nine, was as +clean as glass. There was nothing in it but the bench on which she +was sitting, the book-shelf above it, and a lectern in the corner. +A sheepskin coat and a cassock hung on nails by the door. Above the +lectern was the little lamp and an icon of Christ in His crown of +thorns. The room smelt strangely of perspiration and of earth. It all +pleased her--even that smell. Her wet feet, especially one of them, were +uncomfortable, and she quickly began to take off her boots and stockings +without ceasing to smile, pleased not so much at having achieved her +object as because she perceived that she had abashed that charming, +strange, striking, and attractive man. ‘He did not respond, but what of +that?’ she said to herself. + +‘Father Sergius! Father Sergius! Or how does one call you?’ + +‘What do you want?’ replied a quiet voice. + +‘Please forgive me for disturbing your solitude, but really I could not +help it. I should simply have fallen ill. And I don’t know that I shan’t +now. I am all wet and my feet are like ice.’ + +‘Pardon me,’ replied the quiet voice. ‘I cannot be of any assistance to +you.’ + +‘I would not have disturbed you if I could have helped it. I am only +here till daybreak.’ + +He did not reply and she heard him muttering something, probably his +prayers. + +‘You will not be coming in here?’ she asked, smiling. ‘For I must +undress to dry myself.’ + +He did not reply, but continued to read his prayers. + +‘Yes, that is a man!’ thought she, getting her dripping boot off with +difficulty. She tugged at it, but could not get it off. The absurdity of +it struck her and she began to laugh almost inaudibly. But knowing that +he would hear her laughter and would be moved by it just as she wished +him to be, she laughed louder, and her laughter--gay, natural, and +kindly--really acted on him just in the way she wished. + +‘Yes, I could love a man like that--such eyes and such a simple noble +face, and passionate too despite all the prayers he mutters!’ thought +she. ‘You can’t deceive a woman in these things. As soon as he put his +face to the window and saw me, he understood and knew. The glimmer of it +was in his eyes and remained there. He began to love me and desired me. +Yes--desired!’ said she, getting her overshoe and her boot off at last +and starting to take off her stockings. To remove those long stockings +fastened with elastic it was necessary to raise her skirts. She felt +embarrassed and said: + +‘Don’t come in!’ + +But there was no reply from the other side of the wall. The steady +muttering continued and also a sound of moving. + +‘He is prostrating himself to the ground, no doubt,’ thought she. +‘But he won’t bow himself out of it. He is thinking of me just as I +am thinking of him. He is thinking of these feet of mine with the same +feeling that I have!’ And she pulled off her wet stockings and put her +feet up on the bench, pressing them under her. She sat a while like that +with her arms round her knees and looking pensively before her. ‘But it +is a desert, here in this silence. No one would ever know....’ + +She rose, took her stockings over to the stove, and hung them on the +damper. It was a queer damper, and she turned it about, and then, +stepping lightly on her bare feet, returned to the bench and sat down +there again with her feet up. + +There was complete silence on the other side of the partition. She +looked at the tiny watch that hung round her neck. It was two o’clock. +‘Our party should return about three!’ She had not more than an hour +before her. ‘Well, am I to sit like this all alone? What nonsense! I +don’t want to. I will call him at once.’ + +‘Father Sergius, Father Sergius! Sergey Dmitrich! Prince Kasatsky!’ + +Beyond the partition all was silent. + +‘Listen! This is cruel. I would not call you if it were not necessary. +I am ill. I don’t know what is the matter with me!’ she exclaimed in a +tone of suffering. ‘Oh! Oh!’ she groaned, falling back on the bench. And +strange to say she really felt that her strength was failing, that +she was becoming faint, that everything in her ached, and that she was +shivering with fever. + +‘Listen! Help me! I don’t know what is the matter with me. Oh! Oh!’ She +unfastened her dress, exposing her breast, and lifted her arms, bare to +the elbow. ‘Oh! Oh!’ + +All this time he stood on the other side of the partition and prayed. +Having finished all the evening prayers, he now stood motionless, his +eyes looking at the end of his nose, and mentally repeated with all his +soul: ‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me!’ + +But he had heard everything. He had heard how the silk rustled when she +took off her dress, how she stepped with bare feet on the floor, and had +heard how she rubbed her feet with her hand. He felt his own weakness, +and that he might be lost at any moment. That was why he prayed +unceasingly. He felt rather as the hero in the fairy-tale must have felt +when he had to go on and on without looking round. So Sergius heard and +felt that danger and destruction were there, hovering above and +around him, and that he could only save himself by not looking in that +direction for an instant. But suddenly the desire to look seized him. At +the same instant she said: + +‘This is inhuman. I may die....’ + +‘Yes, I will go to her, but like the Saint who laid one hand on the +adulteress and thrust his other into the brazier. But there is no +brazier here.’ He looked round. The lamp! He put his finger over the +flame and frowned, preparing himself to suffer. And for a rather long +time, as it seemed to him, there was no sensation, but suddenly--he +had not yet decided whether it was painful enough--he writhed all over, +jerked his hand away, and waved it in the air. ‘No, I can’t stand that!’ + +‘For God’s sake come to me! I am dying! Oh!’ + +‘Well--shall I perish? No, not so!’ + +‘I will come to you directly,’ he said, and having opened his door, he +went without looking at her through the cell into the porch where he +used to chop wood. There he felt for the block and for an axe which +leant against the wall. + +‘Immediately!’ he said, and taking up the axe with his right hand he +laid the forefinger of his left hand on the block, swung the axe, and +struck with it below the second joint. The finger flew off more lightly +than a stick of similar thickness, and bounding up, turned over on the +edge of the block and then fell to the floor. + +He heard it fall before he felt any pain, but before he had time to be +surprised he felt a burning pain and the warmth of flowing blood. He +hastily wrapped the stump in the skirt of his cassock, and pressing it +to his hip went back into the room, and standing in front of the woman, +lowered his eyes and asked in a low voice: ‘What do you want?’ + +She looked at his pale face and his quivering left cheek, and suddenly +felt ashamed. She jumped up, seized her fur cloak, and throwing it round +her shoulders, wrapped herself up in it. + +‘I was in pain... I have caught cold... I... Father Sergius... +I...’ + +He let his eyes, shining with a quiet light of joy, rest upon her, and +said: + +‘Dear sister, why did you wish to ruin your immortal soul? Temptations +must come into the world, but woe to him by whom temptation comes. Pray +that God may forgive us!’ + +She listened and looked at him. Suddenly she heard the sound of +something dripping. She looked down and saw that blood was flowing from +his hand and down his cassock. + +‘What have you done to your hand?’ She remembered the sound she had +heard, and seizing the little lamp ran out into the porch. There on the +floor she saw the bloody finger. She returned with her face paler than +his and was about to speak to him, but he silently passed into the back +cell and fastened the door. + +‘Forgive me!’ she said. ‘How can I atone for my sin?’ + +‘Go away.’ + +‘Let me tie up your hand.’ + +‘Go away from here.’ + +She dressed hurriedly and silently, and when ready sat waiting in her +furs. The sledge-bells were heard outside. + +‘Father Sergius, forgive me!’ + +‘Go away. God will forgive.’ + +‘Father Sergius! I will change my life. Do not forsake me!’ + +‘Go away.’ + +‘Forgive me--and give me your blessing!’ + +‘In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost!’--she +heard his voice from behind the partition. ‘Go!’ + +She burst into sobs and left the cell. The lawyer came forward to meet +her. + +‘Well, I see I have lost the bet. It can’t be helped. Where will you +sit?’ + +‘It is all the same to me.’ + +She took a seat in the sledge, and did not utter a word all the way +home. + +A year later she entered a convent as a novice, and lived a strict life +under the direction of the hermit Arseny, who wrote letters to her at +long intervals. + + + + +IV + +Father Sergius lived as a recluse for another seven years. + +At first he accepted much of what people brought him--tea, sugar, white +bread, milk, clothing, and fire-wood. But as time went on he led a more +and more austere life, refusing everything superfluous, and finally he +accepted nothing but rye-bread once a week. Everything else that was +brought to him he gave to the poor who came to him. He spent his entire +time in his cell, in prayer or in conversation with callers, who became +more and more numerous as time went on. Only three times a year did +he go out to church, and when necessary he went out to fetch water and +wood. + +The episode with Makovkina had occurred after five years of his hermit +life. That occurrence soon became generally known--her nocturnal visit, +the change she underwent, and her entry into a convent. From that time +Father Sergius’s fame increased. More and more visitors came to see him, +other monks settled down near his cell, and a church was erected there +and also a hostelry. His fame, as usual exaggerating his feats, spread +ever more and more widely. People began to come to him from a distance, +and began bringing invalids to him whom they declared he cured. + +His first cure occurred in the eighth year of his life as a hermit. It +was the healing of a fourteen-year-old boy, whose mother brought him +to Father Sergius insisting that he should lay his hand on the child’s +head. It had never occurred to Father Sergius that he could cure the +sick. He would have regarded such a thought as a great sin of pride; but +the mother who brought the boy implored him insistently, falling at his +feet and saying: ‘Why do you, who heal others, refuse to help my son?’ +She besought him in Christ’s name. When Father Sergius assured her that +only God could heal the sick, she replied that she only wanted him to +lay his hands on the boy and pray for him. Father Sergius refused and +returned to his cell. But next day (it was in autumn and the nights were +already cold) on going out for water he saw the same mother with her +son, a pale boy of fourteen, and was met by the same petition. + +He remembered the parable of the unjust judge, and though he had +previously felt sure that he ought to refuse, he now began to hesitate +and, having hesitated, took to prayer and prayed until a decision formed +itself in his soul. This decision was, that he ought to accede to the +woman’s request and that her faith might save her son. As for himself, +he would in this case be but an insignificant instrument chosen by God. + +And going out to the mother he did what she asked--laid his hand on the +boy’s head and prayed. + +The mother left with her son, and a month later the boy recovered, and +the fame of the holy healing power of the starets Sergius (as they now +called him) spread throughout the whole district. After that, not a week +passed without sick people coming, riding or on foot, to Father Sergius; +and having acceded to one petition he could not refuse others, and he +laid his hands on many and prayed. Many recovered, and his fame spread +more and more. + +So seven years passed in the Monastery and thirteen in his hermit’s +cell. He now had the appearance of an old man: his beard was long and +grey, but his hair, though thin, was still black and curly. + + + + +V + +For some weeks Father Sergius had been living with one persistent +thought: whether he was right in accepting the position in which he had +not so much placed himself as been placed by the Archimandrite and +the Abbot. That position had begun after the recovery of the +fourteen-year-old boy. From that time, with each month, week, and day +that passed, Sergius felt his own inner life wasting away and being +replaced by external life. It was as if he had been turned inside out. + +Sergius saw that he was a means of attracting visitors and contributions +to the monastery, and that therefore the authorities arranged matters in +such a way as to make as much use of him as possible. For instance, they +rendered it impossible for him to do any manual work. He was supplied +with everything he could want, and they only demanded of him that he +should not refuse his blessing to those who came to seek it. For his +convenience they appointed days when he would receive. They arranged a +reception-room for men, and a place was railed in so that he should not +be pushed over by the crowds of women visitors, and so that he could +conveniently bless those who came. + +They told him that people needed him, and that fulfilling Christ’s law +of love he could not refuse their demand to see him, and that to avoid +them would be cruel. He could not but agree with this, but the more he +gave himself up to such a life the more he felt that what was internal +became external, and that the fount of living water within him dried +up, and that what he did now was done more and more for men and less and +less for God. + +Whether he admonished people, or simply blessed them, or prayed for the +sick, or advised people about their lives, or listened to expressions of +gratitude from those he had helped by precepts, or alms, or healing (as +they assured him)--he could not help being pleased at it, and could not +be indifferent to the results of his activity and to the influence he +exerted. He thought himself a shining light, and the more he felt this +the more was he conscious of a weakening, a dying down of the divine +light of truth that shone within him. + +‘In how far is what I do for God and in how far is it for men?’ That was +the question that insistently tormented him and to which he was not so +much unable to give himself an answer as unable to face the answer. + +In the depth of his soul he felt that the devil had substituted an +activity for men in place of his former activity for God. He felt this +because, just as it had formerly been hard for him to be torn from his +solitude so now that solitude itself was hard for him. He was oppressed +and wearied by visitors, but at the bottom of his heart he was glad of +their presence and glad of the praise they heaped upon him. + +There was a time when he decided to go away and hide. He even planned +all that was necessary for that purpose. He prepared for himself a +peasant’s shirt, trousers, coat, and cap. He explained that he wanted +these to give to those who asked. And he kept these clothes in his cell, +planning how he would put them on, cut his hair short, and go away. +First he would go some three hundred versts by train, then he would +leave the train and walk from village to village. He asked an old man +who had been a soldier how he tramped: what people gave him, and what +shelter they allowed him. The soldier told him where people were most +charitable, and where they would take a wanderer in for the night, and +Father Sergius intended to avail himself of this information. He even +put on those clothes one night in his desire to go, but he could not +decide what was best--to remain or to escape. At first he was in doubt, +but afterwards this indecision passed. He submitted to custom and +yielded to the devil, and only the peasant garb reminded him of the +thought and feeling he had had. + +Every day more and more people flocked to him and less and less time was +left him for prayer and for renewing his spiritual strength. Sometimes +in lucid moments he thought he was like a place where there had once +been a spring. ‘There used to be a feeble spring of living water which +flowed quietly from me and through me. That was true life, the time when +she tempted me!’ (He always thought with ecstasy of that night and of +her who was now Mother Agnes.) She had tasted of that pure water, but +since then there had not been time for it to collect before thirsty +people came crowding in and pushing one another aside. And they had +trampled everything down and nothing was left but mud. + +So he thought in rare moments of lucidity, but his usual state of mind +was one of weariness and a tender pity for himself because of that +weariness. + +It was in spring, on the eve of the mid-Pentecostal feast. Father +Sergius was officiating at the Vigil Service in his hermitage church, +where the congregation was as large as the little church could +hold--about twenty people. They were all well-to-do proprietors or +merchants. Father Sergius admitted anyone, but a selection was made by +the monk in attendance and by an assistant who was sent to the hermitage +every day from the monastery. A crowd of some eighty people--pilgrims +and peasants, and especially peasant-women--stood outside waiting for +Father Sergius to come out and bless them. Meanwhile he conducted +the service, but at the point at which he went out to the tomb of his +predecessor, he staggered and would have fallen had he not been caught +by a merchant standing behind him and by the monk acting as deacon. + +‘What is the matter, Father Sergius? Dear man! O Lord!’ exclaimed the +women. ‘He is as white as a sheet!’ + +But Father Sergius recovered immediately, and though very pale, he waved +the merchant and the deacon aside and continued to chant the service. + +Father Seraphim, the deacon, the acolytes, and Sofya Ivanovna, a lady +who always lived near the hermitage and tended Father Sergius, begged +him to bring the service to an end. + +‘No, there’s nothing the matter,’ said Father Sergius, slightly smiling +from beneath his moustache and continuing the service. ‘Yes, that is the +way the Saints behave!’ thought he. + +‘A holy man--an angel of God!’ he heard just then the voice of Sofya +Ivanovna behind him, and also of the merchant who had supported him. +He did not heed their entreaties, but went on with the service. Again +crowding together they all made their way by the narrow passages back +into the little church, and there, though abbreviating it slightly, +Father Sergius completed vespers. + +Immediately after the service Father Sergius, having pronounced the +benediction on those present, went over to the bench under the elm tree +at the entrance to the cave. He wished to rest and breathe the fresh +air--he felt in need of it. But as soon as he left the church the crowd +of people rushed to him soliciting his blessing, his advice, and his +help. There were pilgrims who constantly tramped from one holy place to +another and from one starets to another, and were always entranced by +every shrine and every starets. Father Sergius knew this common, cold, +conventional, and most irreligious type. There were pilgrims, for +the most part discharged soldiers, unaccustomed to a settled life, +poverty-stricken, and many of them drunken old men, who tramped from +monastery to monastery merely to be fed. And there were rough peasants +and peasant-women who had come with their selfish requirements, seeking +cures or to have doubts about quite practical affairs solved for them: +about marrying off a daughter, or hiring a shop, or buying a bit +of land, or how to atone for having overlaid a child or having an +illegitimate one. + +All this was an old story and not in the least interesting to him. He +knew he would hear nothing new from these folk, that they would arouse +no religious emotion in him; but he liked to see the crowd to which +his blessing and advice was necessary and precious, so while that crowd +oppressed him it also pleased him. Father Seraphim began to drive them +away, saying that Father Sergius was tired. + +But Father Sergius, remembering the words of the Gospel: ‘Forbid them’ +(children) ‘not to come unto me,’ and feeling tenderly towards himself +at this recollection, said they should be allowed to approach. + +He rose, went to the railing beyond which the crowd had gathered, and +began blessing them and answering their questions, but in a voice so +weak that he was touched with pity for himself. Yet despite his wish to +receive them all he could not do it. Things again grew dark before his +eyes, and he staggered and grasped the railings. He felt a rush of blood +to his head and first went pale and then suddenly flushed. + +‘I must leave the rest till to-morrow. I cannot do more to-day,’ +and, pronouncing a general benediction, he returned to the bench. The +merchant again supported him, and leading him by the arm helped him to +be seated. + +‘Father!’ came voices from the crowd. ‘Dear Father! Do not forsake us. +Without you we are lost!’ + +The merchant, having seated Father Sergius on the bench under the elm, +took on himself police duties and drove the people off very resolutely. +It is true that he spoke in a low voice so that Father Sergius might not +hear him, but his words were incisive and angry. + +‘Be off, be off! He has blessed you, and what more do you want? Get +along with you, or I’ll wring your necks! Move on there! Get along, you +old woman with your dirty leg-bands! Go, go! Where are you shoving to? +You’ve been told that it is finished. To-morrow will be as God wills, +but for to-day he has finished!’ + +‘Father! Only let my eyes have a glimpse of his dear face!’ said an old +woman. + +‘I’ll glimpse you! Where are you shoving to?’ + +Father Sergius noticed that the merchant seemed to be acting roughly, +and in a feeble voice told the attendant that the people should not be +driven away. He knew that they would be driven away all the same, and +he much desired to be left alone and to rest, but he sent the attendant +with that message to produce an impression. + +‘All right, all right! I am not driving them away. I am only +remonstrating with them,’ replied the merchant. ‘You know they wouldn’t +hesitate to drive a man to death. They have no pity, they only consider +themselves.... You’ve been told you cannot see him. Go away! +To-morrow!’ And he got rid of them all. + +He took all these pains because he liked order and liked to domineer +and drive the people away, but chiefly because he wanted to have Father +Sergius to himself. He was a widower with an only daughter who was an +invalid and unmarried, and whom he had brought fourteen hundred versts +to Father Sergius to be healed. For two years past he had been taking +her to different places to be cured: first to the university clinic in +the chief town of the province, but that did no good; then to a peasant +in the province of Samara, where she got a little better; then to a +doctor in Moscow to whom he paid much money, but this did no good at +all. Now he had been told that Father Sergius wrought cures, and had +brought her to him. So when all the people had been driven away he +approached Father Sergius, and suddenly falling on his knees loudly +exclaimed: + +‘Holy Father! Bless my afflicted offspring that she may be healed of her +malady. I venture to prostrate myself at your holy feet.’ + +And he placed one hand on the other, cup-wise. He said and did all this +as if he were doing something clearly and firmly appointed by law and +usage--as if one must and should ask for a daughter to be cured in just +this way and no other. He did it with such conviction that it seemed +even to Father Sergius that it should be said and done in just that way, +but nevertheless he bade him rise and tell him what the trouble was. The +merchant said that his daughter, a girl of twenty-two, had fallen ill +two years ago, after her mother’s sudden death. She had moaned (as +he expressed it) and since then had not been herself. And now he had +brought her fourteen hundred versts and she was waiting in the hostelry +till Father Sergius should give orders to bring her. She did not go out +during the day, being afraid of the light, and could only come after +sunset. + +‘Is she very weak?’ asked Father Sergius. + +‘No, she has no particular weakness. She is quite plump, and is only +“nerastenic” the doctors say. If you will only let me bring her this +evening, Father Sergius, I’ll fly like a spirit to fetch her. Holy +Father! Revive a parent’s heart, restore his line, save his afflicted +daughter by your prayers!’ And the merchant again threw himself on his +knees and bending sideways, with his head resting on his clenched fists, +remained stock still. Father Sergius again told him to get up, and +thinking how heavy his activities were and how he went through with them +patiently notwithstanding, he sighed heavily and after a few seconds of +silence, said: + +‘Well, bring her this evening. I will pray for her, but now I am +tired....’ and he closed his eyes. ‘I will send for you.’ + +The merchant went away, stepping on tiptoe, which only made his boots +creak the louder, and Father Sergius remained alone. + +His whole life was filled by Church services and by people who came +to see him, but to-day had been a particularly difficult one. In +the morning an important official had arrived and had had a long +conversation with him; after that a lady had come with her son. This son +was a sceptical young professor whom the mother, an ardent believer and +devoted to Father Sergius, had brought that he might talk to him. The +conversation had been very trying. The young man, evidently not wishing +to have a controversy with a monk, had agreed with him in everything +as with someone who was mentally inferior. Father Sergius saw that the +young man did not believe but yet was satisfied, tranquil, and at ease, +and the memory of that conversation now disquieted him. + +‘Have something to eat, Father,’ said the attendant. + +‘All right, bring me something.’ + +The attendant went to a hut that had been arranged some ten paces from +the cave, and Father Sergius remained alone. + +The time was long past when he had lived alone doing everything for +himself and eating only rye-bread, or rolls prepared for the Church. He +had been advised long since that he had no right to neglect his health, +and he was given wholesome, though Lenten, food. He ate sparingly, +though much more than he had done, and often he ate with much pleasure, +and not as formerly with aversion and a sense of guilt. So it was now. +He had some gruel, drank a cup of tea, and ate half a white roll. + +The attendant went away, and Father Sergius remained alone under the elm +tree. + +It was a wonderful May evening, when the birches, aspens, elms, wild +cherries, and oaks, had just burst into foliage. + +The bush of wild cherries behind the elm tree was in full bloom and had +not yet begun to shed its blossoms, and the nightingales--one quite near +at hand and two or three others in the bushes down by the river--burst +into full song after some preliminary twitters. From the river came the +far-off songs of peasants returning, no doubt, from their work. The sun +was setting behind the forest, its last rays glowing through the leaves. +All that side was brilliant green, the other side with the elm tree was +dark. The cockchafers flew clumsily about, falling to the ground when +they collided with anything. + +After supper Father Sergius began to repeat a silent prayer: ‘O Lord +Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon us!’ and then he read a psalm, +and suddenly in the middle of the psalm a sparrow flew out from the +bush, alighted on the ground, and hopped towards him chirping as it +came, but then it took fright at something and flew away. He said a +prayer which referred to his abandonment of the world, and hastened to +finish it in order to send for the merchant with the sick daughter. She +interested him in that she presented a distraction, and because both she +and her father considered him a saint whose prayers were efficacious. +Outwardly he disavowed that idea, but in the depths of his soul he +considered it to be true. + +He was often amazed that this had happened, that he, Stepan Kasatsky, +had come to be such an extraordinary saint and even a worker of +miracles, but of the fact that he was such there could not be the +least doubt. He could not fail to believe in the miracles he himself +witnessed, beginning with the sick boy and ending with the old woman who +had recovered her sight when he had prayed for her. + +Strange as it might be, it was so. Accordingly the merchant’s daughter +interested him as a new individual who had faith in him, and also as a +fresh opportunity to confirm his healing powers and enhance his fame. +‘They bring people a thousand versts and write about it in the papers. +The Emperor knows of it, and they know of it in Europe, in unbelieving +Europe’--thought he. And suddenly he felt ashamed of his vanity and +again began to pray. ‘Lord, King of Heaven, Comforter, Soul of Truth! +Come and enter into me and cleanse me from all sin and save and bless +my soul. Cleanse me from the sin of worldly vanity that troubles me!’ he +repeated, and he remembered how often he had prayed about this and how +vain till now his prayers had been in that respect. His prayers worked +miracles for others, but in his own case God had not granted him +liberation from this petty passion. + +He remembered his prayers at the commencement of his life at the +hermitage, when he prayed for purity, humility, and love, and how it +seemed to him then that God heard his prayers. He had retained his +purity and had chopped off his finger. And he lifted the shrivelled +stump of that finger to his lips and kissed it. It seemed to him now +that he had been humble then when he had always seemed loathsome to +himself on account of his sinfulness; and when he remembered the tender +feelings with which he had then met an old man who was bringing a +drunken soldier to him to ask alms; and how he had received HER, it +seemed to him that he had then possessed love also. But now? And he +asked himself whether he loved anyone, whether he loved Sofya Ivanovna, +or Father Seraphim, whether he had any feeling of love for all who had +come to him that day--for that learned young man with whom he had had +that instructive discussion in which he was concerned only to show off +his own intelligence and that he had not lagged behind the times in +knowledge. He wanted and needed their love, but felt none towards them. +He now had neither love nor humility nor purity. + +He was pleased to know that the merchant’s daughter was twenty-two, and +he wondered whether she was good-looking. When he inquired whether she +was weak, he really wanted to know if she had feminine charm. + +‘Can I have fallen so low?’ he thought. ‘Lord, help me! Restore me, my +Lord and God!’ And he clasped his hands and began to pray. + +The nightingales burst into song, a cockchafer knocked against him and +crept up the back of his neck. He brushed it off. ‘But does He exist? +What if I am knocking at a door fastened from outside? The bar is on the +door for all to see. Nature--the nightingales and the cockchafers--is +that bar. Perhaps the young man was right.’ And he began to pray aloud. +He prayed for a long time till these thoughts vanished and he again felt +calm and confident. He rang the bell and told the attendant to say that +the merchant might bring his daughter to him now. + +The merchant came, leading his daughter by the arm. He led her into the +cell and immediately left her. + +She was a very fair girl, plump and very short, with a pale, frightened, +childish face and a much developed feminine figure. Father Sergius +remained seated on the bench at the entrance and when she was passing +and stopped beside him for his blessing he was aghast at himself for +the way he looked at her figure. As she passed by him he was acutely +conscious of her femininity, though he saw by her face that she was +sensual and feeble-minded. He rose and went into the cell. She was +sitting on a stool waiting for him, and when he entered she rose. + +‘I want to go back to Papa,’ she said. + +‘Don’t be afraid,’ he replied. ‘What are you suffering from?’ + +‘I am in pain all over,’ she said, and suddenly her face lit up with a +smile. + +‘You will be well,’ said he. ‘Pray!’ + +‘What is the use of praying? I have prayed and it does no good’--and she +continued to smile. ‘I want you to pray for me and lay your hands on me. +I saw you in a dream.’ + +‘How did you see me?’ + +‘I saw you put your hands on my breast like that.’ She took his hand and +pressed it to her breast. ‘Just here.’ + +He yielded his right hand to her. + +‘What is your name?’ he asked, trembling all over and feeling that he +was overcome and that his desire had already passed beyond control. + +‘Marie. Why?’ + +She took his hand and kissed it, and then put her arm round his waist +and pressed him to herself. + +‘What are you doing?’ he said. ‘Marie, you are a devil!’ + +‘Oh, perhaps. What does it matter?’ + +And embracing him she sat down with him on the bed. + +At dawn he went out into the porch. + +‘Can this all have happened? Her father will come and she will tell him +everything. She is a devil! What am I to do? Here is the axe with which +I chopped off my finger.’ He snatched up the axe and moved back towards +the cell. + +The attendant came up. + +‘Do you want some wood chopped? Let me have the axe.’ + +Sergius yielded up the axe and entered the cell. She was lying +there asleep. He looked at her with horror, and passed on beyond the +partition, where he took down the peasant clothes and put them on. Then +he seized a pair of scissors, cut off his long hair, and went out along +the path down the hill to the river, where he had not been for more than +three years. + +A road ran beside the river and he went along it and walked till noon. +Then he went into a field of rye and lay down there. Towards evening +he approached a village, but without entering it went towards the cliff +that overhung the river. There he again lay down to rest. + +It was early morning, half an hour before sunrise. All was damp and +gloomy and a cold early wind was blowing from the west. ‘Yes, I must end +it all. There is no God. But how am I to end it? Throw myself into the +river? I can swim and should not drown. Hang myself? Yes, just throw +this sash over a branch.’ This seemed so feasible and so easy that +he felt horrified. As usual at moments of despair he felt the need of +prayer. But there was no one to pray to. There was no God. He lay down +resting on his arm, and suddenly such a longing for sleep overcame him +that he could no longer support his head on his hand, but stretched out +his arm, laid his head upon it, and fell asleep. But that sleep lasted +only for a moment. He woke up immediately and began not to dream but to +remember. + +He saw himself as a child in his mother’s home in the country. A +carriage drives up, and out of it steps Uncle Nicholas Sergeevich, +with his long, spade-shaped, black beard, and with him Pashenka, a thin +little girl with large mild eyes and a timid pathetic face. And into +their company of boys Pashenka is brought and they have to play with +her, but it is dull. She is silly, and it ends by their making fun of +her and forcing her to show how she can swim. She lies down on the floor +and shows them, and they all laugh and make a fool of her. She sees this +and blushes red in patches and becomes more pitiable than before, +so pitiable that he feels ashamed and can never forget that crooked, +kindly, submissive smile. And Sergius remembered having seen her since +then. Long after, just before he became a monk, she had married a +landowner who squandered all her fortune and was in the habit of beating +her. She had had two children, a son and a daughter, but the son had +died while still young. And Sergius remembered having seen her very +wretched. Then again he had seen her in the monastery when she was a +widow. She had been still the same, not exactly stupid, but insipid, +insignificant, and pitiable. She had come with her daughter and her +daughter’s fiance. They were already poor at that time and later on he +had heard that she was living in a small provincial town and was very +poor. + +‘Why am I thinking about her?’ he asked himself, but he could not cease +doing so. ‘Where is she? How is she getting on? Is she still as unhappy +as she was then when she had to show us how to swim on the floor? But +why should I think about her? What am I doing? I must put an end to +myself.’ + +And again he felt afraid, and again, to escape from that thought, he +went on thinking about Pashenka. + +So he lay for a long time, thinking now of his unavoidable end and now +of Pashenka. She presented herself to him as a means of salvation. At +last he fell asleep, and in his sleep he saw an angel who came to him +and said: ‘Go to Pashenka and learn from her what you have to do, what +your sin is, and wherein lies your salvation.’ + +He awoke, and having decided that this was a vision sent by God, he felt +glad, and resolved to do what had been told him in the vision. He knew +the town where she lived. It was some three hundred versts (two hundred +miles) away, and he set out to walk there. + + + + +VI + +Pashenka had already long ceased to be Pashenka and had become old, +withered, wrinkled Praskovya Mikhaylovna, mother-in-law of that failure, +the drunken official Mavrikyev. She was living in the country town +where he had had his last appointment, and there she was supporting the +family: her daughter, her ailing neurasthenic son-in-law, and her five +grandchildren. She did this by giving music lessons to tradesmen’s +daughters, giving four and sometimes five lessons a day of an hour each, +and earning in this way some sixty rubles (6 pounds) a month. So they +lived for the present, in expectation of another appointment. She had +sent letters to all her relations and acquaintances asking them to +obtain a post for her son-in-law, and among the rest she had written to +Sergius, but that letter had not reached him. + +It was a Saturday, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was herself mixing dough +for currant bread such as the serf-cook on her father’s estate used +to make so well. She wished to give her grandchildren a treat on the +Sunday. + +Masha, her daughter, was nursing her youngest child, the eldest boy and +girl were at school, and her son-in-law was asleep, not having slept +during the night. Praskovya Mikhaylovna had remained awake too for a +great part of the night, trying to soften her daughter’s anger against +her husband. + +She saw that it was impossible for her son-in-law, a weak creature, to +be other than he was, and realized that his wife’s reproaches could do +no good--so she used all her efforts to soften those reproaches and to +avoid recrimination and anger. Unkindly relations between people caused +her actual physical suffering. It was so clear to her that bitter +feelings do not make anything better, but only make everything worse. +She did not in fact think about this: she simply suffered at the sight +of anger as she would from a bad smell, a harsh noise, or from blows on +her body. + +She had--with a feeling of self-satisfaction--just taught Lukerya how +to mix the dough, when her six-year-old grandson Misha, wearing an +apron and with darned stockings on his crooked little legs, ran into the +kitchen with a frightened face. + +‘Grandma, a dreadful old man wants to see you.’ + +Lukerya looked out at the door. + +‘There is a pilgrim of some kind, a man...’ + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna rubbed her thin elbows against one another, wiped +her hands on her apron and went upstairs to get a five-kopek piece +[about a penny] out of her purse for him, but remembering that she had +nothing less than a ten-kopek piece she decided to give him some bread +instead. She returned to the cupboard, but suddenly blushed at the +thought of having grudged the ten-kopek piece, and telling Lukerya to +cut a slice of bread, went upstairs again to fetch it. ‘It serves you +right,’ she said to herself. ‘You must now give twice over.’ + +She gave both the bread and the money to the pilgrim, and when doing +so--far from being proud of her generosity--she excused herself for +giving so little. The man had such an imposing appearance. + +Though he had tramped two hundred versts as a beggar, though he was +tattered and had grown thin and weatherbeaten, though he had cropped his +long hair and was wearing a peasant’s cap and boots, and though he bowed +very humbly, Sergius still had the impressive appearance that made him +so attractive. But Praskovya Mikhaylovna did not recognize him. She +could hardly do so, not having seen him for almost twenty years. + +‘Don’t think ill of me, Father. Perhaps you want something to eat?’ + +He took the bread and the money, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was surprised +that he did not go, but stood looking at her. + +‘Pashenka, I have come to you! Take me in...’ + +His beautiful black eyes, shining with the tears that started in them, +were fixed on her with imploring insistence. And under his greyish +moustache his lips quivered piteously. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna pressed her hands to her withered breast, opened +her mouth, and stood petrified, staring at the pilgrim with dilated +eyes. + +‘It can’t be! Stepa! Sergey! Father Sergius!’ + +‘Yes, it is I,’ said Sergius in a low voice. ‘Only not Sergius, or +Father Sergius, but a great sinner, Stepan Kasatsky--a great and lost +sinner. Take me in and help me!’ + +‘It’s impossible! How have you so humbled yourself? But come in.’ + +She reached out her hand, but he did not take it and only followed her +in. + +But where was she to take him? The lodging was a small one. Formerly +she had had a tiny room, almost a closet, for herself, but later she had +given it up to her daughter, and Masha was now sitting there rocking the +baby. + +‘Sit here for the present,’ she said to Sergius, pointing to a bench in +the kitchen. + +He sat down at once, and with an evidently accustomed movement slipped +the straps of his wallet first off one shoulder and then off the other. + +‘My God, my God! How you have humbled yourself, Father! Such great fame, +and now like this...’ + +Sergius did not reply, but only smiled meekly, placing his wallet under +the bench on which he sat. + +‘Masha, do you know who this is?’--And in a whisper Praskovya +Mikhaylovna told her daughter who he was, and together they then carried +the bed and the cradle out of the tiny room and cleared it for Sergius. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna led him into it. + +‘Here you can rest. Don’t take offence... but I must go out.’ + +‘Where to?’ + +‘I have to go to a lesson. I am ashamed to tell you, but I teach music!’ + +‘Music? But that is good. Only just one thing, Praskovya Mikhaylovna, +I have come to you with a definite object. When can I have a talk with +you?’ + +‘I shall be very glad. Will this evening do?’ + +‘Yes. But one thing more. Don’t speak about me, or say who I am. I have +revealed myself only to you. No one knows where I have gone to. It must +be so.’ + +‘Oh, but I have told my daughter.’ + +‘Well, ask her not to mention it.’ + +And Sergius took off his boots, lay down, and at once fell asleep after +a sleepless night and a walk of nearly thirty miles. + +When Praskovya Mikhaylovna returned, Sergius was sitting in the little +room waiting for her. He did not come out for dinner, but had some soup +and gruel which Lukerya brought him. + +‘How is it that you have come back earlier than you said?’ asked +Sergius. ‘Can I speak to you now?’ + +‘How is it that I have the happiness to receive such a guest? I have +missed one of my lessons. That can wait... I had always been planning +to go to see you. I wrote to you, and now this good fortune has come.’ + +‘Pashenka, please listen to what I am going to tell you as to a +confession made to God at my last hour. Pashenka, I am not a holy man, +I am not even as good as a simple ordinary man; I am a loathsome, +vile, and proud sinner who has gone astray, and who, if not worse than +everyone else, is at least worse than most very bad people.’ + +Pashenka looked at him at first with staring eyes. But she believed what +he said, and when she had quite grasped it she touched his hand, smiling +pityingly, and said: + +‘Perhaps you exaggerate, Stiva?’ + +‘No, Pashenka. I am an adulterer, a murderer, a blasphemer, and a +deceiver.’ + +‘My God! How is that?’ exclaimed Praskovya Mikhaylovna. + +‘But I must go on living. And I, who thought I knew everything, who +taught others how to live--I know nothing and ask you to teach me.’ + +‘What are you saying, Stiva? You are laughing at me. Why do you always +make fun of me?’ + +‘Well, if you think I am jesting you must have it as you please. But +tell me all the same how you live, and how you have lived your life.’ + +‘I? I have lived a very nasty, horrible life, and now God is punishing +me as I deserve. I live so wretchedly, so wretchedly...’ + +‘How was it with your marriage? How did you live with your husband?’ + +‘It was all bad. I married because I fell in love in the nastiest way. +Papa did not approve. But I would not listen to anything and just +got married. Then instead of helping my husband I tormented him by my +jealousy, which I could not restrain.’ + +‘I heard that he drank...’ + +‘Yes, but I did not give him any peace. I always reproached him, though +you know it is a disease! He could not refrain from it. I now remember +how I tried to prevent his having it, and the frightful scenes we had!’ + +And she looked at Kasatsky with beautiful eyes, suffering from the +remembrance. + +Kasatsky remembered how he had been told that Pashenka’s husband used +to beat her, and now, looking at her thin withered neck with prominent +veins behind her ears, and her scanty coil of hair, half grey half +auburn, he seemed to see just how it had occurred. + +‘Then I was left with two children and no means at all.’ + +‘But you had an estate!’ + +‘Oh, we sold that while Vasya was still alive, and the money was all +spent. We had to live, and like all our young ladies I did not know how +to earn anything. I was particularly useless and helpless. So we spent +all we had. I taught the children and improved my own education a +little. And then Mitya fell ill when he was already in the fourth +form, and God took him. Masha fell in love with Vanya, my son-in-law. +And--well, he is well-meaning but unfortunate. He is ill.’ + +‘Mamma!’--her daughter’s voice interrupted her--‘Take Mitya! I can’t be +in two places at once.’ + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna shuddered, but rose and went out of the room, +stepping quickly in her patched shoes. She soon came back with a boy of +two in her arms, who threw himself backwards and grabbed at her shawl +with his little hands. + +‘Where was I? Oh yes, he had a good appointment here, and his chief +was a kind man too. But Vanya could not go on, and had to give up his +position.’ + +‘What is the matter with him?’ + +‘Neurasthenia--it is a dreadful complaint. We consulted a doctor, who +told us he ought to go away, but we had no means.... I always hope it +will pass of itself. He has no particular pain, but...’ + +‘Lukerya!’ cried an angry and feeble voice. ‘She is always sent away +when I want her. Mamma...’ + +‘I’m coming!’ Praskovya Mikhaylovna again interrupted herself. ‘He has +not had his dinner yet. He can’t eat with us.’ + +She went out and arranged something, and came back wiping her thin dark +hands. + +‘So that is how I live. I always complain and am always dissatisfied, +but thank God the grandchildren are all nice and healthy, and we can +still live. But why talk about me?’ + +‘But what do you live on?’ + +‘Well, I earn a little. How I used to dislike music, but how useful it +is to me now!’ Her small hand lay on the chest of drawers beside which +she was sitting, and she drummed an exercise with her thin fingers. + +‘How much do you get for a lesson?’ + +‘Sometimes a ruble, sometimes fifty kopeks, or sometimes thirty. They +are all so kind to me.’ + +‘And do your pupils get on well?’ asked Kasatsky with a slight smile. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna did not at first believe that he was asking +seriously, and looked inquiringly into his eyes. + +‘Some of them do. One of them is a splendid girl--the butcher’s +daughter--such a good kind girl! If I were a clever woman I ought, of +course, with the connexions Papa had, to be able to get an appointment +for my son-in-law. But as it is I have not been able to do anything, and +have brought them all to this--as you see.’ + +‘Yes, yes,’ said Kasatsky, lowering his head. ‘And how is it, +Pashenka--do you take part in Church life?’ + +‘Oh, don’t speak of it. I am so bad that way, and have neglected it so! +I keep the fasts with the children and sometimes go to church, and then +again sometimes I don’t go for months. I only send the children.’ + +‘But why don’t you go yourself?’ + +‘To tell the truth’ (she blushed) ‘I am ashamed, for my daughter’s +sake and the children’s, to go there in tattered clothes, and I haven’t +anything else. Besides, I am just lazy.’ + +‘And do you pray at home?’ + +‘I do. But what sort of prayer is it? Only mechanical. I know it should +not be like that, but I lack real religious feeling. The only thing is +that I know how bad I am...’ + +‘Yes, yes, that’s right!’ said Kasatsky, as if approvingly. + +‘I’m coming! I’m coming!’ she replied to a call from her son-in-law, and +tidying her scanty plait she left the room. + +But this time it was long before she returned. When she came back, +Kasatsky was sitting in the same position, his elbows resting on his +knees and his head bowed. But his wallet was strapped on his back. + +When she came in, carrying a small tin lamp without a shade, he raised +his fine weary eyes and sighed very deeply. + +‘I did not tell them who you are,’ she began timidly. ‘I only said that +you are a pilgrim, a nobleman, and that I used to know you. Come into +the dining-room for tea.’ + +‘No...’ + +‘Well then, I’ll bring some to you here.’ + +‘No, I don’t want anything. God bless you, Pashenka! I am going now. If +you pity me, don’t tell anyone that you have seen me. For the love of +God don’t tell anyone. Thank you. I would bow to your feet but I know +it would make you feel awkward. Thank you, and forgive me for Christ’s +sake!’ + +‘Give me your blessing.’ + +‘God bless you! Forgive me for Christ’s sake!’ + +He rose, but she would not let him go until she had given him bread and +butter and rusks. He took it all and went away. + +It was dark, and before he had passed the second house he was lost to +sight. She only knew he was there because the dog at the priest’s house +was barking. + +‘So that is what my dream meant! Pashenka is what I ought to have been +but failed to be. I lived for men on the pretext of living for God, +while she lived for God imagining that she lives for men. Yes, one good +deed--a cup of water given without thought of reward--is worth more +than any benefit I imagined I was bestowing on people. But after all was +there not some share of sincere desire to serve God?’ he asked himself, +and the answer was: ‘Yes, there was, but it was all soiled and overgrown +by desire for human praise. Yes, there is no God for the man who lives, +as I did, for human praise. I will now seek Him!’ + +And he walked from village to village as he had done on his way to +Pashenka, meeting and parting from other pilgrims, men and women, and +asking for bread and a night’s rest in Christ’s name. Occasionally some +angry housewife scolded him, or a drunken peasant reviled him, but for +the most part he was given food and drink and even something to take +with him. His noble bearing disposed some people in his favour, while +others on the contrary seemed pleased at the sight of a gentleman who +had come to beggary. + +But his gentleness prevailed with everyone. + +Often, finding a copy of the Gospels in a hut he would read it aloud, +and when they heard him the people were always touched and surprised, as +at something new yet familiar. + +When he succeeded in helping people, either by advice, or by his +knowledge of reading and writing, or by settling some quarrel, he did +not wait to see their gratitude but went away directly afterwards. And +little by little God began to reveal Himself within him. + +Once he was walking along with two old women and a soldier. They were +stopped by a party consisting of a lady and gentleman in a gig and +another lady and gentleman on horseback. The husband was on horseback +with his daughter, while in the gig his wife was driving with a +Frenchman, evidently a traveller. + +The party stopped to let the Frenchman see the pilgrims who, in accord +with a popular Russian superstition, tramped about from place to place +instead of working. + +They spoke French, thinking that the others would not understand them. + +‘Demandez-leur,’ said the Frenchman, ‘s’ils sont bien sur de ce que leur +pelerinage est agreable a Dieu.’ + +The question was asked, and one old woman replied: + +‘As God takes it. Our feet have reached the holy places, but our hearts +may not have done so.’ + +They asked the soldier. He said that he was alone in the world and had +nowhere else to go. + +They asked Kasatsky who he was. + +‘A servant of God.’ + +‘Qu’est-ce qu’il dit? Il ne repond pas.’ + +‘Il dit qu’il est un serviteur de Dieu. Cela doit etre un fils de +preetre. Il a de la race. Avez-vous de la petite monnaie?’ + +The Frenchman found some small change and gave twenty kopeks to each of +the pilgrims. + +‘Mais dites-leur que ce n’est pas pour les cierges que je leur donne, +mais pour qu’ils se regalent de the. Chay, chay pour vous, mon vieux!’ +he said with a smile. And he patted Kasatsky on the shoulder with his +gloved hand. + +‘May Christ bless you,’ replied Kasatsky without replacing his cap and +bowing his bald head. + +He rejoiced particularly at this meeting, because he had disregarded the +opinion of men and had done the simplest, easiest thing--humbly accepted +twenty kopeks and given them to his comrade, a blind beggar. The less +importance he attached to the opinion of men the more did he feel the +presence of God within him. + +For eight months Kasatsky tramped on in this manner, and in the ninth +month he was arrested for not having a passport. This happened at a +night-refuge in a provincial town where he had passed the night with +some pilgrims. He was taken to the police-station, and when asked who he +was and where was his passport, he replied that he had no passport and +that he was a servant of God. He was classed as a tramp, sentenced, and +sent to live in Siberia. + +In Siberia he has settled down as the hired man of a well-to-do peasant, +in which capacity he works in the kitchen-garden, teaches children, and +attends to the sick. + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Father Sergius, by Leo Tolstoy + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FATHER SERGIUS *** + +***** This file should be named 985-0.txt or 985-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/9/8/985/ + +Produced by Judith Boss + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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