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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/985-0.txt b/985-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1f0d237 --- /dev/null +++ b/985-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2374 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Father Sergius, by Leo Tolstoy + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Father Sergius + +Author: Leo Tolstoy + +Translator: Louise and Aylmer Maude + +Release Date: July, 1997 [Etext #985] +Posting Date: July 9, 2009 +Last Updated: September 10, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FATHER SERGIUS *** + + + + +Produced by Judith Boss + + + + + + + + + +FATHER SERGIUS + +By Leo Tolstoy + + + + +I + +In Petersburg in the eighteen-forties a surprising event occurred. An +officer of the Cuirassier Life Guards, a handsome prince who everyone +predicted would become aide-de-camp to the Emperor Nicholas I and have +a brilliant career, left the service, broke off his engagement to a +beautiful maid of honour, a favourite of the Empress’s, gave his small +estate to his sister, and retired to a monastery to become a monk. + +This event appeared extraordinary and inexplicable to those who did not +know his inner motives, but for Prince Stepan Kasatsky himself it all +occurred so naturally that he could not imagine how he could have acted +otherwise. + +His father, a retired colonel of the Guards, had died when Stepan was +twelve, and sorry as his mother was to part from her son, she entered +him at the Military College as her deceased husband had intended. + +The widow herself, with her daughter, Varvara, moved to Petersburg to be +near her son and have him with her for the holidays. + +The boy was distinguished both by his brilliant ability and by his +immense self-esteem. He was first both in his studies--especially in +mathematics, of which he was particularly fond--and also in drill and in +riding. Though of more than average height, he was handsome and agile, +and he would have been an altogether exemplary cadet had it not been for +his quick temper. He was remarkably truthful, and was neither dissipated +nor addicted to drink. The only faults that marred his conduct were +fits of fury to which he was subject and during which he lost control of +himself and became like a wild animal. He once nearly threw out of the +window another cadet who had begun to tease him about his collection +of minerals. On another occasion he came almost completely to grief +by flinging a whole dish of cutlets at an officer who was acting as +steward, attacking him and, it was said, striking him for having broken +his word and told a barefaced lie. He would certainly have been reduced +to the ranks had not the Director of the College hushed up the whole +matter and dismissed the steward. + +By the time he was eighteen he had finished his College course and +received a commission as lieutenant in an aristocratic regiment of the +Guards. + +The Emperor Nicholas Pavlovich (Nicholas I) had noticed him while he +was still at the College, and continued to take notice of him in the +regiment, and it was on this account that people predicted for him an +appointment as aide-de-camp to the Emperor. Kasatsky himself strongly +desired it, not from ambition only but chiefly because since his cadet +days he had been passionately devoted to Nicholas Pavlovich. The Emperor +had often visited the Military College and every time Kasatsky saw +that tall erect figure, with breast expanded in its military overcoat, +entering with brisk step, saw the cropped side-whiskers, the moustache, +the aquiline nose, and heard the sonorous voice exchanging greetings +with the cadets, he was seized by the same rapture that he experienced +later on when he met the woman he loved. Indeed, his passionate +adoration of the Emperor was even stronger: he wished to sacrifice +something--everything, even himself--to prove his complete devotion. +And the Emperor Nicholas was conscious of evoking this rapture and +deliberately aroused it. He played with the cadets, surrounded himself +with them, treating them sometimes with childish simplicity, sometimes +as a friend, and then again with majestic solemnity. After that affair +with the officer, Nicholas Pavlovich said nothing to Kasatsky, but when +the latter approached he waved him away theatrically, frowned, shook his +finger at him, and afterwards when leaving, said: ‘Remember that I know +everything. There are some things I would rather not know, but they +remain here,’ and he pointed to his heart. + +When on leaving College the cadets were received by the Emperor, he did +not again refer to Kasatsky’s offence, but told them all, as was his +custom, that they should serve him and the fatherland loyally, that he +would always be their best friend, and that when necessary they might +approach him direct. All the cadets were as usual greatly moved, and +Kasatsky even shed tears, remembering the past, and vowed that he would +serve his beloved Tsar with all his soul. + +When Kasatsky took up his commission his mother moved with her daughter +first to Moscow and then to their country estate. Kasatsky gave half his +property to his sister and kept only enough to maintain himself in the +expensive regiment he had joined. + +To all appearance he was just an ordinary, brilliant young officer +of the Guards making a career for himself; but intense and complex +strivings went on within him. From early childhood his efforts had +seemed to be very varied, but essentially they were all one and the +same. He tried in everything he took up to attain such success and +perfection as would evoke praise and surprise. Whether it was his +studies or his military exercises, he took them up and worked at them +till he was praised and held up as an example to others. Mastering one +subject he took up another, and obtained first place in his studies. For +example, while still at College he noticed in himself an awkwardness in +French conversation, and contrived to master French till he spoke it +as well as Russian, and then he took up chess and became an excellent +player. + +Apart from his main vocation, which was the service of his Tsar and +the fatherland, he always set himself some particular aim, and however +unimportant it was, devoted himself completely to it and lived for it +until it was accomplished. And as soon as it was attained another +aim would immediately present itself, replacing its predecessor. This +passion for distinguishing himself, or for accomplishing something +in order to distinguish himself, filled his life. On taking up his +commission he set himself to acquire the utmost perfection in knowledge +of the service, and very soon became a model officer, though still with +the same fault of ungovernable irascibility, which here in the service +again led him to commit actions inimical to his success. Then he took to +reading, having once in conversation in society felt himself deficient +in general education--and again achieved his purpose. Then, wishing +to secure a brilliant position in high society, he learnt to dance +excellently and very soon was invited to all the balls in the best +circles, and to some of their evening gatherings. But this did not +satisfy him: he was accustomed to being first, and in this society was +far from being so. + +The highest society then consisted, and I think always consist, of +four sorts of people: rich people who are received at Court, people +not wealthy but born and brought up in Court circles, rich people who +ingratiate themselves into the Court set, and people neither rich nor +belonging to the Court but who ingratiate themselves into the first and +second sets. + +Kasatsky did not belong to the first two sets, but was readily welcomed +in the others. On entering society he determined to have relations with +some society lady, and to his own surprise quickly accomplished this +purpose. He soon realized, however, that the circles in which he moved +were not the highest, and that though he was received in the highest +spheres he did not belong to them. They were polite to him, but showed +by their whole manner that they had their own set and that he was not of +it. And Kasatsky wished to belong to that inner circle. To attain that +end it would be necessary to be an aide-de-camp to the Emperor--which +he expected to become--or to marry into that exclusive set, which he +resolved to do. And his choice fell on a beauty belonging to the +Court, who not merely belonged to the circle into which he wished to be +accepted, but whose friendship was coveted by the very highest people +and those most firmly established in that highest circle. This was +Countess Korotkova. Kasatsky began to pay court to her, and not merely +for the sake of his career. She was extremely attractive and he soon +fell in love with her. At first she was noticeably cool towards him, +but then suddenly changed and became gracious, and her mother gave him +pressing invitations to visit them. Kasatsky proposed and was accepted. +He was surprised at the facility with which he attained such happiness. +But though he noticed something strange and unusual in the behaviour +towards him of both mother and daughter, he was blinded by being +so deeply in love, and did not realize what almost the whole town +knew--namely, that his fiancee had been the Emperor Nicholas’s mistress +the previous year. + +Two weeks before the day arranged for the wedding, Kasatsky was at +Tsarskoe Selo at his fiancee’s country place. It was a hot day in May. +He and his betrothed had walked about the garden and were sitting on +a bench in a shady linden alley. Mary’s white muslin dress suited her +particularly well, and she seemed the personification of innocence and +love as she sat, now bending her head, now gazing up at the very tall +and handsome man who was speaking to her with particular tenderness and +self-restraint, as if he feared by word or gesture to offend or sully +her angelic purity. + +Kasatsky belonged to those men of the eighteen-forties (they are now no +longer to be found) who while deliberately and without any conscientious +scruples condoning impurity in themselves, required ideal and angelic +purity in their women, regarded all unmarried women of their circle as +possessed of such purity, and treated them accordingly. There was much +that was false and harmful in this outlook, as concerning the laxity the +men permitted themselves, but in regard to the women that old-fashioned +view (sharply differing from that held by young people to-day who see in +every girl merely a female seeking a mate) was, I think, of value. The +girls, perceiving such adoration, endeavoured with more or less success +to be goddesses. + +Such was the view Kasatsky held of women, and that was how he regarded +his fiancee. He was particularly in love that day, but did not +experience any sensual desire for her. On the contrary he regarded her +with tender adoration as something unattainable. + +He rose to his full height, standing before her with both hands on his +sabre. + +‘I have only now realized what happiness a man can experience! And it is +you, my darling, who have given me this happiness,’ he said with a timid +smile. + +Endearments had not yet become usual between them, and feeling himself +morally inferior he felt terrified at this stage to use them to such an +angel. + +‘It is thanks to you that I have come to know myself. I have learnt that +I am better than I thought.’ + +‘I have known that for a long time. That was why I began to love you.’ + +Nightingales trilled near by and the fresh leafage rustled, moved by a +passing breeze. + +He took her hand and kissed it, and tears came into his eyes. + +She understood that he was thanking her for having said she loved him. +He silently took a few steps up and down, and then approached her again +and sat down. + +‘You know... I have to tell you... I was not disinterested when I +began to make love to you. I wanted to get into society; but later... +how unimportant that became in comparison with you--when I got to know +you. You are not angry with me for that?’ + +She did not reply but merely touched his hand. He understood that this +meant: ‘No, I am not angry.’ + +‘You said...’ He hesitated. It seemed too bold to say. ‘You said that +you began to love me. I believe it--but there is something that troubles +you and checks your feeling. What is it?’ + +‘Yes--now or never!’ thought she. ‘He is bound to know of it anyway. But +now he will not forsake me. Ah, if he should, it would be terrible!’ And +she threw a loving glance at his tall, noble, powerful figure. She loved +him now more than she had loved the Tsar, and apart from the Imperial +dignity would not have preferred the Emperor to him. + +‘Listen! I cannot deceive you. I have to tell you. You ask what it is? +It is that I have loved before.’ + +She again laid her hand on his with an imploring gesture. He was silent. + +‘You want to know who it was? It was--the Emperor.’ + +‘We all love him. I can imagine you, a schoolgirl at the Institute...’ + +‘No, it was later. I was infatuated, but it passed... I must tell +you...’ + +‘Well, what of it?’ + +‘No, it was not simply--’ She covered her face with her hands. + +‘What? You gave yourself to him?’ + +She was silent. + +‘His mistress?’ + +She did not answer. + +He sprang up and stood before her with trembling jaws, pale as death. He +now remembered how the Emperor, meeting him on the Nevsky, had amiably +congratulated him. + +‘O God, what have I done! Stiva!’ + +‘Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Oh, how it pains!’ + +He turned away and went to the house. There he met her mother. + +‘What is the matter, Prince? I...’ She became silent on seeing his +face. The blood had suddenly rushed to his head. + +‘You knew it, and used me to shield them! If you weren’t a woman...!’ +he cried, lifting his enormous fist, and turning aside he ran away. + +Had his fiancee’s lover been a private person he would have killed him, +but it was his beloved Tsar. + +Next day he applied both for furlough and his discharge, and professing +to be ill, so as to see no one, he went away to the country. + +He spent the summer at his village arranging his affairs. When summer +was over he did not return to Petersburg, but entered a monastery and +there became a monk. + +His mother wrote to try to dissuade him from this decisive step, but +he replied that he felt God’s call which transcended all other +considerations. Only his sister, who was as proud and ambitious as he, +understood him. + +She understood that he had become a monk in order to be above those who +considered themselves his superiors. And she understood him correctly. +By becoming a monk he showed contempt for all that seemed most important +to others and had seemed so to him while he was in the service, and +he now ascended a height from which he could look down on those he had +formerly envied.... But it was not this alone, as his sister Varvara +supposed, that influenced him. There was also in him something else--a +sincere religious feeling which Varvara did not know, which intertwined +itself with the feeling of pride and the desire for pre-eminence, +and guided him. His disillusionment with Mary, whom he had thought +of angelic purity, and his sense of injury, were so strong that they +brought him to despair, and the despair led him--to what? To God, to his +childhood’s faith which had never been destroyed in him. + + + + +II + +Kasatsky entered the monastery on the feast of the Intercession of the +Blessed Virgin. The Abbot of that monastery was a gentleman by birth, a +learned writer and a starets, that is, he belonged to that succession +of monks originating in Walachia who each choose a director and teacher +whom they implicitly obey. This Superior had been a disciple of the +starets Ambrose, who was a disciple of Makarius, who was a disciple of +the starets Leonid, who was a disciple of Paussy Velichkovsky. + +To this Abbot Kasatsky submitted himself as to his chosen director. Here +in the monastery, besides the feeling of ascendency over others that +such a life gave him, he felt much as he had done in the world: he found +satisfaction in attaining the greatest possible perfection outwardly +as well as inwardly. As in the regiment he had been not merely an +irreproachable officer but had even exceeded his duties and widened the +borders of perfection, so also as a monk he tried to be perfect, and was +always industrious, abstemious, submissive, and meek, as well as +pure both in deed and in thought, and obedient. This last quality in +particular made life far easier for him. If many of the demands of life +in the monastery, which was near the capital and much frequented, did +not please him and were temptations to him, they were all nullified by +obedience: ‘It is not for me to reason; my business is to do the task +set me, whether it be standing beside the relics, singing in the choir, +or making up accounts in the monastery guest-house.’ All possibility of +doubt about anything was silenced by obedience to the starets. Had +it not been for this, he would have been oppressed by the length and +monotony of the church services, the bustle of the many visitors, and +the bad qualities of the other monks. As it was, he not only bore it +all joyfully but found in it solace and support. ‘I don’t know why it is +necessary to hear the same prayers several times a day, but I know that +it is necessary; and knowing this I find joy in them.’ His director told +him that as material food is necessary for the maintenance of the life +of the body, so spiritual food--the church prayers--is necessary for +the maintenance of the spiritual life. He believed this, and though the +church services, for which he had to get up early in the morning, were +a difficulty, they certainly calmed him and gave him joy. This was the +result of his consciousness of humility, and the certainty that whatever +he had to do, being fixed by the starets, was right. + +The interest of his life consisted not only in an ever greater and +greater subjugation of his will, but in the attainment of all the +Christian virtues, which at first seemed to him easily attainable. He +had given his whole estate to his sister and did not regret it, he had +no personal claims, humility towards his inferiors was not merely easy +for him but afforded him pleasure. Even victory over the sins of the +flesh, greed and lust, was easily attained. His director had specially +warned him against the latter sin, but Kasatsky felt free from it and +was glad. + +One thing only tormented him--the remembrance of his fiancee; and not +merely the remembrance but the vivid image of what might have been. +Involuntarily he recalled a lady he knew who had been a favourite of the +Emperor’s, but had afterwards married and become an admirable wife and +mother. The husband had a high position, influence and honour, and a +good and penitent wife. + +In his better hours Kasatsky was not disturbed by such thoughts, and +when he recalled them at such times he was merely glad to feel that the +temptation was past. But there were moments when all that made up his +present life suddenly grew dim before him, moments when, if he did not +cease to believe in the aims he had set himself, he ceased to see them +and could evoke no confidence in them but was seized by a remembrance +of, and--terrible to say--a regret for, the change of life he had made. + +The only thing that saved him in that state of mind was obedience and +work, and the fact that the whole day was occupied by prayer. He went +through the usual forms of prayer, he bowed in prayer, he even prayed +more than usual, but it was lip-service only and his soul was not in it. +This condition would continue for a day, or sometimes for two days, and +would then pass of itself. But those days were dreadful. Kasatsky felt +that he was neither in his own hands nor in God’s, but was subject +to something else. All he could do then was to obey the starets, to +restrain himself, to undertake nothing, and simply to wait. In general +all this time he lived not by his own will but by that of the starets, +and in this obedience he found a special tranquillity. + +So he lived in his first monastery for seven years. At the end of the +third year he received the tonsure and was ordained to the priesthood by +the name of Sergius. The profession was an important event in his inner +life. He had previously experienced a great consolation and spiritual +exaltation when receiving communion, and now when he himself officiated, +the performance of the preparation filled him with ecstatic and deep +emotion. But subsequently that feeling became more and more deadened, +and once when he was officiating in a depressed state of mind he felt +that the influence produced on him by the service would not endure. And +it did in fact weaken till only the habit remained. + +In general in the seventh year of his life in the monastery Sergius grew +weary. He had learnt all there was to learn and had attained all there +was to attain, there was nothing more to do and his spiritual drowsiness +increased. During this time he heard of his mother’s death and his +sister Varvara’s marriage, but both events were matters of indifference +to him. His whole attention and his whole interest were concentrated on +his inner life. + +In the fourth year of his priesthood, during which the Bishop had been +particularly kind to him, the starets told him that he ought not to +decline it if he were offered an appointment to higher duties. Then +monastic ambition, the very thing he had found so repulsive in other +monks, arose within him. He was assigned to a monastery near the +metropolis. He wished to refuse but the starets ordered him to accept +the appointment. He did so, and took leave of the starets and moved to +the other monastery. + +The exchange into the metropolitan monastery was an important event in +Sergius’s life. There he encountered many temptations, and his whole +will-power was concentrated on meeting them. + +In the first monastery, women had not been a temptation to him, but +here that temptation arose with terrible strength and even took definite +shape. There was a lady known for her frivolous behaviour who began to +seek his favour. She talked to him and asked him to visit her. Sergius +sternly declined, but was horrified by the definiteness of his desire. +He was so alarmed that he wrote about it to the starets. And in +addition, to keep himself in hand, he spoke to a young novice and, +conquering his sense of shame, confessed his weakness to him, asking him +to keep watch on him and not let him go anywhere except to service and +to fulfil his duties. + +Besides this, a great pitfall for Sergius lay in the fact of his extreme +antipathy to his new Abbot, a cunning worldly man who was making a +career for himself in the Church. Struggle with himself as he might, he +could not master that feeling. He was submissive to the Abbot, but in +the depths of his soul he never ceased to condemn him. And in the second +year of his residence at the new monastery that ill-feeling broke out. + +The Vigil service was being performed in the large church on the eve of +the feast of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin, and there were many +visitors. The Abbot himself was conducting the service. Father Sergius +was standing in his usual place and praying: that is, he was in that +condition of struggle which always occupied him during the service, +especially in the large church when he was not himself conducting the +service. This conflict was occasioned by his irritation at the presence +of fine folk, especially ladies. He tried not to see them or to notice +all that went on: how a soldier conducted them, pushing the +common people aside, how the ladies pointed out the monks to one +another--especially himself and a monk noted for his good looks. He +tried as it were to keep his mind in blinkers, to see nothing but +the light of the candles on the altar-screen, the icons, and those +conducting the service. He tried to hear nothing but the prayers +that were being chanted or read, to feel nothing but self-oblivion in +consciousness of the fulfilment of duty--a feeling he always experienced +when hearing or reciting in advance the prayers he had so often heard. + +So he stood, crossing and prostrating himself when necessary, and +struggled with himself, now giving way to cold condemnation and now to +a consciously evoked obliteration of thought and feeling. Then the +sacristan, Father Nicodemus--also a great stumbling-block to Sergius +who involuntarily reproached him for flattering and fawning on the +Abbot--approached him and, bowing low, requested his presence behind the +holy gates. Father Sergius straightened his mantle, put on his biretta, +and went circumspectly through the crowd. + +‘Lise, regarde a droite, c’est lui!’ he heard a woman’s voice say. + +‘Ou, ou? Il n’est pas tellement beau.’ + +He knew that they were speaking of him. He heard them and, as always +at moments of temptation, he repeated the words, ‘Lead us not into +temptation,’ and bowing his head and lowering his eyes went past the +ambo and in by the north door, avoiding the canons in their cassocks who +were just then passing the altar-screen. On entering the sanctuary he +bowed, crossing himself as usual and bending double before the icons. +Then, raising his head but without turning, he glanced out of the corner +of his eye at the Abbot, whom he saw standing beside another glittering +figure. + +The Abbot was standing by the wall in his vestments. Having freed his +short plump hands from beneath his chasuble he had folded them over +his fat body and protruding stomach, and fingering the cords of his +vestments was smilingly saying something to a military man in the +uniform of a general of the Imperial suite, with its insignia +and shoulder-knots which Father Sergius’s experienced eye at once +recognized. This general had been the commander of the regiment in which +Sergius had served. He now evidently occupied an important position, and +Father Sergius at once noticed that the Abbot was aware of this and that +his red face and bald head beamed with satisfaction and pleasure. This +vexed and disgusted Father Sergius, the more so when he heard that the +Abbot had only sent for him to satisfy the general’s curiosity to see a +man who had formerly served with him, as he expressed it. + +‘Very pleased to see you in your angelic guise,’ said the general, +holding out his hand. ‘I hope you have not forgotten an old comrade.’ + +The whole thing--the Abbot’s red, smiling face amid its fringe of grey, +the general’s words, his well-cared-for face with its self-satisfied +smile and the smell of wine from his breath and of cigars from his +whiskers--revolted Father Sergius. He bowed again to the Abbot and said: + +‘Your reverence deigned to send for me?’--and stopped, the whole +expression of his face and eyes asking why. + +‘Yes, to meet the General,’ replied the Abbot. + +‘Your reverence, I left the world to save myself from temptation,’ said +Father Sergius, turning pale and with quivering lips. ‘Why do you expose +me to it during prayers and in God’s house?’ + +‘You may go! Go!’ said the Abbot, flaring up and frowning. + +Next day Father Sergius asked pardon of the Abbot and of the brethren +for his pride, but at the same time, after a night spent in prayer, he +decided that he must leave this monastery, and he wrote to the starets +begging permission to return to him. He wrote that he felt his weakness +and incapacity to struggle against temptation without his help and +penitently confessed his sin of pride. By return of post came a letter +from the starets, who wrote that Sergius’s pride was the cause of all +that had happened. The old man pointed out that his fits of anger were +due to the fact that in refusing all clerical honours he humiliated +himself not for the sake of God but for the sake of his pride. ‘There +now, am I not a splendid man not to want anything?’ That was why he +could not tolerate the Abbot’s action. ‘I have renounced everything for +the glory of God, and here I am exhibited like a wild beast!’ ‘Had you +renounced vanity for God’s sake you would have borne it. Worldly pride +is not yet dead in you. I have thought about you, Sergius my son, and +prayed also, and this is what God has suggested to me. At the Tambov +hermitage the anchorite Hilary, a man of saintly life, has died. He had +lived there eighteen years. The Tambov Abbot is asking whether there is +not a brother who would take his place. And here comes your letter. Go +to Father Paissy of the Tambov Monastery. I will write to him about you, +and you must ask for Hilary’s cell. Not that you can replace Hilary, but +you need solitude to quell your pride. May God bless you!’ + +Sergius obeyed the starets, showed his letter to the Abbot, and having +obtained his permission, gave up his cell, handed all his possessions +over to the monastery, and set out for the Tambov hermitage. + +There the Abbot, an excellent manager of merchant origin, received +Sergius simply and quietly and placed him in Hilary’s cell, at first +assigning to him a lay brother but afterwards leaving him alone, at +Sergius’s own request. The cell was a dual cave, dug into the hillside, +and in it Hilary had been buried. In the back part was Hilary’s grave, +while in the front was a niche for sleeping, with a straw mattress, a +small table, and a shelf with icons and books. Outside the outer door, +which fastened with a hook, was another shelf on which, once a day, a +monk placed food from the monastery. + +And so Sergius became a hermit. + + + + +III + +At Carnival time, in the sixth year of Sergius’s life at the hermitage, +a merry company of rich people, men and women from a neighbouring town, +made up a troyka-party, after a meal of carnival-pancakes and wine. The +company consisted of two lawyers, a wealthy landowner, an officer, and +four ladies. One lady was the officer’s wife, another the wife of +the landowner, the third his sister--a young girl--and the fourth a +divorcee, beautiful, rich, and eccentric, who amazed and shocked the +town by her escapades. + +The weather was excellent and the snow-covered road smooth as a floor. +They drove some seven miles out of town, and then stopped and consulted +as to whether they should turn back or drive farther. + +‘But where does this road lead to?’ asked Makovkina, the beautiful +divorcee. + +‘To Tambov, eight miles from here,’ replied one of the lawyers, who was +having a flirtation with her. + +‘And then where?’ + +‘Then on to L----, past the Monastery.’ + +‘Where that Father Sergius lives?’ + +‘Yes.’ + +‘Kasatsky, the handsome hermit?’ + +‘Yes.’ + +‘Mesdames et messieurs, let us drive on and see Kasatsky! We can stop at +Tambov and have something to eat.’ + +‘But we shouldn’t get home to-night!’ + +‘Never mind, we will stay at Kasatsky’s.’ + +‘Well, there is a very good hostelry at the Monastery. I stayed there +when I was defending Makhin.’ + +‘No, I shall spend the night at Kasatsky’s!’ + +‘Impossible! Even your omnipotence could not accomplish that!’ + +‘Impossible? Will you bet?’ + +‘All right! If you spend the night with him, the stake shall be whatever +you like.’ + +‘A DISCRETION!’ + +‘But on your side too!’ + +‘Yes, of course. Let us drive on.’ + +Vodka was handed to the drivers, and the party got out a box of pies, +wine, and sweets for themselves. The ladies wrapped up in their white +dogskins. The drivers disputed as to whose troyka should go ahead, and +the youngest, seating himself sideways with a dashing air, swung his +long knout and shouted to the horses. The troyka-bells tinkled and the +sledge-runners squeaked over the snow. + +The sledge swayed hardly at all. The shaft-horse, with his tightly bound +tail under his decorated breechband, galloped smoothly and briskly; the +smooth road seemed to run rapidly backwards, while the driver dashingly +shook the reins. One of the lawyers and the officer sitting opposite +talked nonsense to Makovkina’s neighbour, but Makovkina herself sat +motionless and in thought, tightly wrapped in her fur. ‘Always the same +and always nasty! The same red shiny faces smelling of wine and cigars! +The same talk, the same thoughts, and always about the same things! And +they are all satisfied and confident that it should be so, and will +go on living like that till they die. But I can’t. It bores me. I want +something that would upset it all and turn it upside down. Suppose +it happened to us as to those people--at Saratov was it?--who kept on +driving and froze to death.... What would our people do? How would +they behave? Basely, for certain. Each for himself. And I too should act +badly. But I at any rate have beauty. They all know it. And how about +that monk? Is it possible that he has become indifferent to it? No! That +is the one thing they all care for--like that cadet last autumn. What a +fool he was!’ + +‘Ivan Nikolaevich!’ she said aloud. + +‘What are your commands?’ + +‘How old is he?’ + +‘Who?’ + +‘Kasatsky.’ + +‘Over forty, I should think.’ + +‘And does he receive all visitors?’ + +‘Yes, everybody, but not always.’ + +‘Cover up my feet. Not like that--how clumsy you are! No! More, +more--like that! But you need not squeeze them!’ + +So they came to the forest where the cell was. + +Makovkina got out of the sledge, and told them to drive on. They tried +to dissuade her, but she grew irritable and ordered them to go on. + +When the sledges had gone she went up the path in her white dogskin +coat. The lawyer got out and stopped to watch her. + +It was Father Sergius’s sixth year as a recluse, and he was now +forty-nine. His life in solitude was hard--not on account of the fasts +and the prayers (they were no hardship to him) but on account of an +inner conflict he had not at all anticipated. The sources of that +conflict were two: doubts, and the lust of the flesh. And these two +enemies always appeared together. It seemed to him that they were two +foes, but in reality they were one and the same. As soon as doubt was +gone so was the lustful desire. But thinking them to be two different +fiends he fought them separately. + +‘O my God, my God!’ thought he. ‘Why dost thou not grant me faith? There +is lust, of course: even the saints had to fight that--Saint Anthony and +others. But they had faith, while I have moments, hours, and days, when +it is absent. Why does the whole world, with all its delights, exist +if it is sinful and must be renounced? Why hast Thou created this +temptation? Temptation? Is it not rather a temptation that I wish to +abandon all the joys of earth and prepare something for myself there +where perhaps there is nothing?’ And he became horrified and filled with +disgust at himself. ‘Vile creature! And it is you who wish to become a +saint!’ he upbraided himself, and he began to pray. But as soon as he +started to pray he saw himself vividly as he had been at the Monastery, +in a majestic post in biretta and mantle, and he shook his head. ‘No, +that is not right. It is deception. I may deceive others, but not myself +or God. I am not a majestic man, but a pitiable and ridiculous one!’ And +he threw back the folds of his cassock and smiled as he looked at his +thin legs in their underclothing. + +Then he dropped the folds of the cassock again and began reading the +prayers, making the sign of the cross and prostrating himself. ‘Can +it be that this couch will be my bier?’ he read. And it seemed as if a +devil whispered to him: ‘A solitary couch is itself a bier. Falsehood!’ +And in imagination he saw the shoulders of a widow with whom he had +lived. He shook himself, and went on reading. Having read the precepts +he took up the Gospels, opened the book, and happened on a passage +he often repeated and knew by heart: ‘Lord, I believe. Help thou my +unbelief!’--and he put away all the doubts that had arisen. As one +replaces an object of insecure equilibrium, so he carefully replaced his +belief on its shaky pedestal and carefully stepped back from it so as +not to shake or upset it. The blinkers were adjusted again and he felt +tranquillized, and repeating his childhood’s prayer: ‘Lord, receive me, +receive me!’ he felt not merely at ease, but thrilled and joyful. He +crossed himself and lay down on the bedding on his narrow bench, tucking +his summer cassock under his head. He fell asleep at once, and in his +light slumber he seemed to hear the tinkling of sledge bells. He did not +know whether he was dreaming or awake, but a knock at the door aroused +him. He sat up, distrusting his senses, but the knock was repeated. Yes, +it was a knock close at hand, at his door, and with it the sound of a +woman’s voice. + +‘My God! Can it be true, as I have read in the Lives of the Saints, that +the devil takes on the form of a woman? Yes--it is a woman’s voice. +And a tender, timid, pleasant voice. Phui!’ And he spat to exorcise the +devil. ‘No, it was only my imagination,’ he assured himself, and he +went to the corner where his lectern stood, falling on his knees in the +regular and habitual manner which of itself gave him consolation and +satisfaction. He sank down, his hair hanging over his face, and pressed +his head, already going bald in front, to the cold damp strip of drugget +on the draughty floor. He read the psalm old Father Pimon had told him +warded off temptation. He easily raised his light and emaciated body +on his strong sinewy legs and tried to continue saying his prayers, but +instead of doing so he involuntarily strained his hearing. He wished +to hear more. All was quiet. From the corner of the roof regular drops +continued to fall into the tub below. Outside was a mist and fog eating +into the snow that lay on the ground. It was still, very still. And +suddenly there was a rustling at the window and a voice--that +same tender, timid voice, which could only belong to an attractive +woman--said: + +‘Let me in, for Christ’s sake!’ + +It seemed as though his blood had all rushed to his heart and settled +there. He could hardly breathe. ‘Let God arise and let his enemies be +scattered...’ + +‘But I am not a devil!’ It was obvious that the lips that uttered this +were smiling. ‘I am not a devil, but only a sinful woman who has lost +her way, not figuratively but literally!’ She laughed. ‘I am frozen and +beg for shelter.’ + +He pressed his face to the window, but the little icon-lamp was +reflected by it and shone on the whole pane. He put his hands to both +sides of his face and peered between them. Fog, mist, a tree, and--just +opposite him--she herself. Yes, there, a few inches from him, was the +sweet, kindly frightened face of a woman in a cap and a coat of long +white fur, leaning towards him. Their eyes met with instant recognition: +not that they had ever known one another, they had never met before, +but by the look they exchanged they--and he particularly--felt that they +knew and understood one another. After that glance to imagine her to be +a devil and not a simple, kindly, sweet, timid woman, was impossible. + +‘Who are you? Why have you come?’ he asked. + +‘Do please open the door!’ she replied, with capricious authority. ‘I am +frozen. I tell you I have lost my way.’ + +‘But I am a monk--a hermit.’ + +‘Oh, do please open the door--or do you wish me to freeze under your +window while you say your prayers?’ + +‘But how have you...’ + +‘I shan’t eat you. For God’s sake let me in! I am quite frozen.’ + +She really did feel afraid, and said this in an almost tearful voice. + +He stepped back from the window and looked at an icon of the Saviour +in His crown of thorns. ‘Lord, help me! Lord, help me!’ he exclaimed, +crossing himself and bowing low. Then he went to the door, and opening +it into the tiny porch, felt for the hook that fastened the outer door +and began to lift it. He heard steps outside. She was coming from the +window to the door. ‘Ah!’ she suddenly exclaimed, and he understood +that she had stepped into the puddle that the dripping from the roof had +formed at the threshold. His hands trembled, and he could not raise the +hook of the tightly closed door. + +‘Oh, what are you doing? Let me in! I am all wet. I am frozen! You are +thinking about saving your soul and are letting me freeze to death...’ + +He jerked the door towards him, raised the hook, and without considering +what he was doing, pushed it open with such force that it struck her. + +‘Oh--PARDON!’ he suddenly exclaimed, reverting completely to his old +manner with ladies. + +She smiled on hearing that PARDON. ‘He is not quite so terrible, after +all,’ she thought. ‘It’s all right. It is you who must pardon me,’ she +said, stepping past him. ‘I should never have ventured, but such an +extraordinary circumstance...’ + +‘If you please!’ he uttered, and stood aside to let her pass him. A +strong smell of fine scent, which he had long not encountered, struck +him. She went through the little porch into the cell where he lived. He +closed the outer door without fastening the hook, and stepped in after +her. + +‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner! Lord, have +mercy on me a sinner!’ he prayed unceasingly, not merely to himself but +involuntarily moving his lips. ‘If you please!’ he said to her again. +She stood in the middle of the room, moisture dripping from her to the +floor as she looked him over. Her eyes were laughing. + +‘Forgive me for having disturbed your solitude. But you see what a +position I am in. It all came about from our starting from town for a +sledge-drive, and my making a bet that I would walk back by myself from +the Vorobevka to the town. But then I lost my way, and if I had not +happened to come upon your cell...’ She began lying, but his face +confused her so that she could not continue, but became silent. She had +not expected him to be at all such as he was. He was not as handsome +as she had imagined, but was nevertheless beautiful in her eyes: his +greyish hair and beard, slightly curling, his fine, regular nose, +and his eyes like glowing coal when he looked at her, made a strong +impression on her. + +He saw that she was lying. + +‘Yes... so,’ said he, looking at her and again lowering his eyes. ‘I +will go in there, and this place is at your disposal.’ + +And taking down the little lamp, he lit a candle, and bowing low to her +went into the small cell beyond the partition, and she heard him begin +to move something about there. ‘Probably he is barricading himself in +from me!’ she thought with a smile, and throwing off her white dogskin +cloak she tried to take off her cap, which had become entangled in her +hair and in the woven kerchief she was wearing under it. She had not +got at all wet when standing under the window, and had said so only as +a pretext to get him to let her in. But she really had stepped into the +puddle at the door, and her left foot was wet up to the ankle and her +overshoe full of water. She sat down on his bed--a bench only covered by +a bit of carpet--and began to take off her boots. The little cell seemed +to her charming. The narrow little room, some seven feet by nine, was as +clean as glass. There was nothing in it but the bench on which she +was sitting, the book-shelf above it, and a lectern in the corner. +A sheepskin coat and a cassock hung on nails by the door. Above the +lectern was the little lamp and an icon of Christ in His crown of +thorns. The room smelt strangely of perspiration and of earth. It all +pleased her--even that smell. Her wet feet, especially one of them, were +uncomfortable, and she quickly began to take off her boots and stockings +without ceasing to smile, pleased not so much at having achieved her +object as because she perceived that she had abashed that charming, +strange, striking, and attractive man. ‘He did not respond, but what of +that?’ she said to herself. + +‘Father Sergius! Father Sergius! Or how does one call you?’ + +‘What do you want?’ replied a quiet voice. + +‘Please forgive me for disturbing your solitude, but really I could not +help it. I should simply have fallen ill. And I don’t know that I shan’t +now. I am all wet and my feet are like ice.’ + +‘Pardon me,’ replied the quiet voice. ‘I cannot be of any assistance to +you.’ + +‘I would not have disturbed you if I could have helped it. I am only +here till daybreak.’ + +He did not reply and she heard him muttering something, probably his +prayers. + +‘You will not be coming in here?’ she asked, smiling. ‘For I must +undress to dry myself.’ + +He did not reply, but continued to read his prayers. + +‘Yes, that is a man!’ thought she, getting her dripping boot off with +difficulty. She tugged at it, but could not get it off. The absurdity of +it struck her and she began to laugh almost inaudibly. But knowing that +he would hear her laughter and would be moved by it just as she wished +him to be, she laughed louder, and her laughter--gay, natural, and +kindly--really acted on him just in the way she wished. + +‘Yes, I could love a man like that--such eyes and such a simple noble +face, and passionate too despite all the prayers he mutters!’ thought +she. ‘You can’t deceive a woman in these things. As soon as he put his +face to the window and saw me, he understood and knew. The glimmer of it +was in his eyes and remained there. He began to love me and desired me. +Yes--desired!’ said she, getting her overshoe and her boot off at last +and starting to take off her stockings. To remove those long stockings +fastened with elastic it was necessary to raise her skirts. She felt +embarrassed and said: + +‘Don’t come in!’ + +But there was no reply from the other side of the wall. The steady +muttering continued and also a sound of moving. + +‘He is prostrating himself to the ground, no doubt,’ thought she. +‘But he won’t bow himself out of it. He is thinking of me just as I +am thinking of him. He is thinking of these feet of mine with the same +feeling that I have!’ And she pulled off her wet stockings and put her +feet up on the bench, pressing them under her. She sat a while like that +with her arms round her knees and looking pensively before her. ‘But it +is a desert, here in this silence. No one would ever know....’ + +She rose, took her stockings over to the stove, and hung them on the +damper. It was a queer damper, and she turned it about, and then, +stepping lightly on her bare feet, returned to the bench and sat down +there again with her feet up. + +There was complete silence on the other side of the partition. She +looked at the tiny watch that hung round her neck. It was two o’clock. +‘Our party should return about three!’ She had not more than an hour +before her. ‘Well, am I to sit like this all alone? What nonsense! I +don’t want to. I will call him at once.’ + +‘Father Sergius, Father Sergius! Sergey Dmitrich! Prince Kasatsky!’ + +Beyond the partition all was silent. + +‘Listen! This is cruel. I would not call you if it were not necessary. +I am ill. I don’t know what is the matter with me!’ she exclaimed in a +tone of suffering. ‘Oh! Oh!’ she groaned, falling back on the bench. And +strange to say she really felt that her strength was failing, that +she was becoming faint, that everything in her ached, and that she was +shivering with fever. + +‘Listen! Help me! I don’t know what is the matter with me. Oh! Oh!’ She +unfastened her dress, exposing her breast, and lifted her arms, bare to +the elbow. ‘Oh! Oh!’ + +All this time he stood on the other side of the partition and prayed. +Having finished all the evening prayers, he now stood motionless, his +eyes looking at the end of his nose, and mentally repeated with all his +soul: ‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me!’ + +But he had heard everything. He had heard how the silk rustled when she +took off her dress, how she stepped with bare feet on the floor, and had +heard how she rubbed her feet with her hand. He felt his own weakness, +and that he might be lost at any moment. That was why he prayed +unceasingly. He felt rather as the hero in the fairy-tale must have felt +when he had to go on and on without looking round. So Sergius heard and +felt that danger and destruction were there, hovering above and +around him, and that he could only save himself by not looking in that +direction for an instant. But suddenly the desire to look seized him. At +the same instant she said: + +‘This is inhuman. I may die....’ + +‘Yes, I will go to her, but like the Saint who laid one hand on the +adulteress and thrust his other into the brazier. But there is no +brazier here.’ He looked round. The lamp! He put his finger over the +flame and frowned, preparing himself to suffer. And for a rather long +time, as it seemed to him, there was no sensation, but suddenly--he +had not yet decided whether it was painful enough--he writhed all over, +jerked his hand away, and waved it in the air. ‘No, I can’t stand that!’ + +‘For God’s sake come to me! I am dying! Oh!’ + +‘Well--shall I perish? No, not so!’ + +‘I will come to you directly,’ he said, and having opened his door, he +went without looking at her through the cell into the porch where he +used to chop wood. There he felt for the block and for an axe which +leant against the wall. + +‘Immediately!’ he said, and taking up the axe with his right hand he +laid the forefinger of his left hand on the block, swung the axe, and +struck with it below the second joint. The finger flew off more lightly +than a stick of similar thickness, and bounding up, turned over on the +edge of the block and then fell to the floor. + +He heard it fall before he felt any pain, but before he had time to be +surprised he felt a burning pain and the warmth of flowing blood. He +hastily wrapped the stump in the skirt of his cassock, and pressing it +to his hip went back into the room, and standing in front of the woman, +lowered his eyes and asked in a low voice: ‘What do you want?’ + +She looked at his pale face and his quivering left cheek, and suddenly +felt ashamed. She jumped up, seized her fur cloak, and throwing it round +her shoulders, wrapped herself up in it. + +‘I was in pain... I have caught cold... I... Father Sergius... +I...’ + +He let his eyes, shining with a quiet light of joy, rest upon her, and +said: + +‘Dear sister, why did you wish to ruin your immortal soul? Temptations +must come into the world, but woe to him by whom temptation comes. Pray +that God may forgive us!’ + +She listened and looked at him. Suddenly she heard the sound of +something dripping. She looked down and saw that blood was flowing from +his hand and down his cassock. + +‘What have you done to your hand?’ She remembered the sound she had +heard, and seizing the little lamp ran out into the porch. There on the +floor she saw the bloody finger. She returned with her face paler than +his and was about to speak to him, but he silently passed into the back +cell and fastened the door. + +‘Forgive me!’ she said. ‘How can I atone for my sin?’ + +‘Go away.’ + +‘Let me tie up your hand.’ + +‘Go away from here.’ + +She dressed hurriedly and silently, and when ready sat waiting in her +furs. The sledge-bells were heard outside. + +‘Father Sergius, forgive me!’ + +‘Go away. God will forgive.’ + +‘Father Sergius! I will change my life. Do not forsake me!’ + +‘Go away.’ + +‘Forgive me--and give me your blessing!’ + +‘In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost!’--she +heard his voice from behind the partition. ‘Go!’ + +She burst into sobs and left the cell. The lawyer came forward to meet +her. + +‘Well, I see I have lost the bet. It can’t be helped. Where will you +sit?’ + +‘It is all the same to me.’ + +She took a seat in the sledge, and did not utter a word all the way +home. + +A year later she entered a convent as a novice, and lived a strict life +under the direction of the hermit Arseny, who wrote letters to her at +long intervals. + + + + +IV + +Father Sergius lived as a recluse for another seven years. + +At first he accepted much of what people brought him--tea, sugar, white +bread, milk, clothing, and fire-wood. But as time went on he led a more +and more austere life, refusing everything superfluous, and finally he +accepted nothing but rye-bread once a week. Everything else that was +brought to him he gave to the poor who came to him. He spent his entire +time in his cell, in prayer or in conversation with callers, who became +more and more numerous as time went on. Only three times a year did +he go out to church, and when necessary he went out to fetch water and +wood. + +The episode with Makovkina had occurred after five years of his hermit +life. That occurrence soon became generally known--her nocturnal visit, +the change she underwent, and her entry into a convent. From that time +Father Sergius’s fame increased. More and more visitors came to see him, +other monks settled down near his cell, and a church was erected there +and also a hostelry. His fame, as usual exaggerating his feats, spread +ever more and more widely. People began to come to him from a distance, +and began bringing invalids to him whom they declared he cured. + +His first cure occurred in the eighth year of his life as a hermit. It +was the healing of a fourteen-year-old boy, whose mother brought him +to Father Sergius insisting that he should lay his hand on the child’s +head. It had never occurred to Father Sergius that he could cure the +sick. He would have regarded such a thought as a great sin of pride; but +the mother who brought the boy implored him insistently, falling at his +feet and saying: ‘Why do you, who heal others, refuse to help my son?’ +She besought him in Christ’s name. When Father Sergius assured her that +only God could heal the sick, she replied that she only wanted him to +lay his hands on the boy and pray for him. Father Sergius refused and +returned to his cell. But next day (it was in autumn and the nights were +already cold) on going out for water he saw the same mother with her +son, a pale boy of fourteen, and was met by the same petition. + +He remembered the parable of the unjust judge, and though he had +previously felt sure that he ought to refuse, he now began to hesitate +and, having hesitated, took to prayer and prayed until a decision formed +itself in his soul. This decision was, that he ought to accede to the +woman’s request and that her faith might save her son. As for himself, +he would in this case be but an insignificant instrument chosen by God. + +And going out to the mother he did what she asked--laid his hand on the +boy’s head and prayed. + +The mother left with her son, and a month later the boy recovered, and +the fame of the holy healing power of the starets Sergius (as they now +called him) spread throughout the whole district. After that, not a week +passed without sick people coming, riding or on foot, to Father Sergius; +and having acceded to one petition he could not refuse others, and he +laid his hands on many and prayed. Many recovered, and his fame spread +more and more. + +So seven years passed in the Monastery and thirteen in his hermit’s +cell. He now had the appearance of an old man: his beard was long and +grey, but his hair, though thin, was still black and curly. + + + + +V + +For some weeks Father Sergius had been living with one persistent +thought: whether he was right in accepting the position in which he had +not so much placed himself as been placed by the Archimandrite and +the Abbot. That position had begun after the recovery of the +fourteen-year-old boy. From that time, with each month, week, and day +that passed, Sergius felt his own inner life wasting away and being +replaced by external life. It was as if he had been turned inside out. + +Sergius saw that he was a means of attracting visitors and contributions +to the monastery, and that therefore the authorities arranged matters in +such a way as to make as much use of him as possible. For instance, they +rendered it impossible for him to do any manual work. He was supplied +with everything he could want, and they only demanded of him that he +should not refuse his blessing to those who came to seek it. For his +convenience they appointed days when he would receive. They arranged a +reception-room for men, and a place was railed in so that he should not +be pushed over by the crowds of women visitors, and so that he could +conveniently bless those who came. + +They told him that people needed him, and that fulfilling Christ’s law +of love he could not refuse their demand to see him, and that to avoid +them would be cruel. He could not but agree with this, but the more he +gave himself up to such a life the more he felt that what was internal +became external, and that the fount of living water within him dried +up, and that what he did now was done more and more for men and less and +less for God. + +Whether he admonished people, or simply blessed them, or prayed for the +sick, or advised people about their lives, or listened to expressions of +gratitude from those he had helped by precepts, or alms, or healing (as +they assured him)--he could not help being pleased at it, and could not +be indifferent to the results of his activity and to the influence he +exerted. He thought himself a shining light, and the more he felt this +the more was he conscious of a weakening, a dying down of the divine +light of truth that shone within him. + +‘In how far is what I do for God and in how far is it for men?’ That was +the question that insistently tormented him and to which he was not so +much unable to give himself an answer as unable to face the answer. + +In the depth of his soul he felt that the devil had substituted an +activity for men in place of his former activity for God. He felt this +because, just as it had formerly been hard for him to be torn from his +solitude so now that solitude itself was hard for him. He was oppressed +and wearied by visitors, but at the bottom of his heart he was glad of +their presence and glad of the praise they heaped upon him. + +There was a time when he decided to go away and hide. He even planned +all that was necessary for that purpose. He prepared for himself a +peasant’s shirt, trousers, coat, and cap. He explained that he wanted +these to give to those who asked. And he kept these clothes in his cell, +planning how he would put them on, cut his hair short, and go away. +First he would go some three hundred versts by train, then he would +leave the train and walk from village to village. He asked an old man +who had been a soldier how he tramped: what people gave him, and what +shelter they allowed him. The soldier told him where people were most +charitable, and where they would take a wanderer in for the night, and +Father Sergius intended to avail himself of this information. He even +put on those clothes one night in his desire to go, but he could not +decide what was best--to remain or to escape. At first he was in doubt, +but afterwards this indecision passed. He submitted to custom and +yielded to the devil, and only the peasant garb reminded him of the +thought and feeling he had had. + +Every day more and more people flocked to him and less and less time was +left him for prayer and for renewing his spiritual strength. Sometimes +in lucid moments he thought he was like a place where there had once +been a spring. ‘There used to be a feeble spring of living water which +flowed quietly from me and through me. That was true life, the time when +she tempted me!’ (He always thought with ecstasy of that night and of +her who was now Mother Agnes.) She had tasted of that pure water, but +since then there had not been time for it to collect before thirsty +people came crowding in and pushing one another aside. And they had +trampled everything down and nothing was left but mud. + +So he thought in rare moments of lucidity, but his usual state of mind +was one of weariness and a tender pity for himself because of that +weariness. + +It was in spring, on the eve of the mid-Pentecostal feast. Father +Sergius was officiating at the Vigil Service in his hermitage church, +where the congregation was as large as the little church could +hold--about twenty people. They were all well-to-do proprietors or +merchants. Father Sergius admitted anyone, but a selection was made by +the monk in attendance and by an assistant who was sent to the hermitage +every day from the monastery. A crowd of some eighty people--pilgrims +and peasants, and especially peasant-women--stood outside waiting for +Father Sergius to come out and bless them. Meanwhile he conducted +the service, but at the point at which he went out to the tomb of his +predecessor, he staggered and would have fallen had he not been caught +by a merchant standing behind him and by the monk acting as deacon. + +‘What is the matter, Father Sergius? Dear man! O Lord!’ exclaimed the +women. ‘He is as white as a sheet!’ + +But Father Sergius recovered immediately, and though very pale, he waved +the merchant and the deacon aside and continued to chant the service. + +Father Seraphim, the deacon, the acolytes, and Sofya Ivanovna, a lady +who always lived near the hermitage and tended Father Sergius, begged +him to bring the service to an end. + +‘No, there’s nothing the matter,’ said Father Sergius, slightly smiling +from beneath his moustache and continuing the service. ‘Yes, that is the +way the Saints behave!’ thought he. + +‘A holy man--an angel of God!’ he heard just then the voice of Sofya +Ivanovna behind him, and also of the merchant who had supported him. +He did not heed their entreaties, but went on with the service. Again +crowding together they all made their way by the narrow passages back +into the little church, and there, though abbreviating it slightly, +Father Sergius completed vespers. + +Immediately after the service Father Sergius, having pronounced the +benediction on those present, went over to the bench under the elm tree +at the entrance to the cave. He wished to rest and breathe the fresh +air--he felt in need of it. But as soon as he left the church the crowd +of people rushed to him soliciting his blessing, his advice, and his +help. There were pilgrims who constantly tramped from one holy place to +another and from one starets to another, and were always entranced by +every shrine and every starets. Father Sergius knew this common, cold, +conventional, and most irreligious type. There were pilgrims, for +the most part discharged soldiers, unaccustomed to a settled life, +poverty-stricken, and many of them drunken old men, who tramped from +monastery to monastery merely to be fed. And there were rough peasants +and peasant-women who had come with their selfish requirements, seeking +cures or to have doubts about quite practical affairs solved for them: +about marrying off a daughter, or hiring a shop, or buying a bit +of land, or how to atone for having overlaid a child or having an +illegitimate one. + +All this was an old story and not in the least interesting to him. He +knew he would hear nothing new from these folk, that they would arouse +no religious emotion in him; but he liked to see the crowd to which +his blessing and advice was necessary and precious, so while that crowd +oppressed him it also pleased him. Father Seraphim began to drive them +away, saying that Father Sergius was tired. + +But Father Sergius, remembering the words of the Gospel: ‘Forbid them’ +(children) ‘not to come unto me,’ and feeling tenderly towards himself +at this recollection, said they should be allowed to approach. + +He rose, went to the railing beyond which the crowd had gathered, and +began blessing them and answering their questions, but in a voice so +weak that he was touched with pity for himself. Yet despite his wish to +receive them all he could not do it. Things again grew dark before his +eyes, and he staggered and grasped the railings. He felt a rush of blood +to his head and first went pale and then suddenly flushed. + +‘I must leave the rest till to-morrow. I cannot do more to-day,’ +and, pronouncing a general benediction, he returned to the bench. The +merchant again supported him, and leading him by the arm helped him to +be seated. + +‘Father!’ came voices from the crowd. ‘Dear Father! Do not forsake us. +Without you we are lost!’ + +The merchant, having seated Father Sergius on the bench under the elm, +took on himself police duties and drove the people off very resolutely. +It is true that he spoke in a low voice so that Father Sergius might not +hear him, but his words were incisive and angry. + +‘Be off, be off! He has blessed you, and what more do you want? Get +along with you, or I’ll wring your necks! Move on there! Get along, you +old woman with your dirty leg-bands! Go, go! Where are you shoving to? +You’ve been told that it is finished. To-morrow will be as God wills, +but for to-day he has finished!’ + +‘Father! Only let my eyes have a glimpse of his dear face!’ said an old +woman. + +‘I’ll glimpse you! Where are you shoving to?’ + +Father Sergius noticed that the merchant seemed to be acting roughly, +and in a feeble voice told the attendant that the people should not be +driven away. He knew that they would be driven away all the same, and +he much desired to be left alone and to rest, but he sent the attendant +with that message to produce an impression. + +‘All right, all right! I am not driving them away. I am only +remonstrating with them,’ replied the merchant. ‘You know they wouldn’t +hesitate to drive a man to death. They have no pity, they only consider +themselves.... You’ve been told you cannot see him. Go away! +To-morrow!’ And he got rid of them all. + +He took all these pains because he liked order and liked to domineer +and drive the people away, but chiefly because he wanted to have Father +Sergius to himself. He was a widower with an only daughter who was an +invalid and unmarried, and whom he had brought fourteen hundred versts +to Father Sergius to be healed. For two years past he had been taking +her to different places to be cured: first to the university clinic in +the chief town of the province, but that did no good; then to a peasant +in the province of Samara, where she got a little better; then to a +doctor in Moscow to whom he paid much money, but this did no good at +all. Now he had been told that Father Sergius wrought cures, and had +brought her to him. So when all the people had been driven away he +approached Father Sergius, and suddenly falling on his knees loudly +exclaimed: + +‘Holy Father! Bless my afflicted offspring that she may be healed of her +malady. I venture to prostrate myself at your holy feet.’ + +And he placed one hand on the other, cup-wise. He said and did all this +as if he were doing something clearly and firmly appointed by law and +usage--as if one must and should ask for a daughter to be cured in just +this way and no other. He did it with such conviction that it seemed +even to Father Sergius that it should be said and done in just that way, +but nevertheless he bade him rise and tell him what the trouble was. The +merchant said that his daughter, a girl of twenty-two, had fallen ill +two years ago, after her mother’s sudden death. She had moaned (as +he expressed it) and since then had not been herself. And now he had +brought her fourteen hundred versts and she was waiting in the hostelry +till Father Sergius should give orders to bring her. She did not go out +during the day, being afraid of the light, and could only come after +sunset. + +‘Is she very weak?’ asked Father Sergius. + +‘No, she has no particular weakness. She is quite plump, and is only +“nerastenic” the doctors say. If you will only let me bring her this +evening, Father Sergius, I’ll fly like a spirit to fetch her. Holy +Father! Revive a parent’s heart, restore his line, save his afflicted +daughter by your prayers!’ And the merchant again threw himself on his +knees and bending sideways, with his head resting on his clenched fists, +remained stock still. Father Sergius again told him to get up, and +thinking how heavy his activities were and how he went through with them +patiently notwithstanding, he sighed heavily and after a few seconds of +silence, said: + +‘Well, bring her this evening. I will pray for her, but now I am +tired....’ and he closed his eyes. ‘I will send for you.’ + +The merchant went away, stepping on tiptoe, which only made his boots +creak the louder, and Father Sergius remained alone. + +His whole life was filled by Church services and by people who came +to see him, but to-day had been a particularly difficult one. In +the morning an important official had arrived and had had a long +conversation with him; after that a lady had come with her son. This son +was a sceptical young professor whom the mother, an ardent believer and +devoted to Father Sergius, had brought that he might talk to him. The +conversation had been very trying. The young man, evidently not wishing +to have a controversy with a monk, had agreed with him in everything +as with someone who was mentally inferior. Father Sergius saw that the +young man did not believe but yet was satisfied, tranquil, and at ease, +and the memory of that conversation now disquieted him. + +‘Have something to eat, Father,’ said the attendant. + +‘All right, bring me something.’ + +The attendant went to a hut that had been arranged some ten paces from +the cave, and Father Sergius remained alone. + +The time was long past when he had lived alone doing everything for +himself and eating only rye-bread, or rolls prepared for the Church. He +had been advised long since that he had no right to neglect his health, +and he was given wholesome, though Lenten, food. He ate sparingly, +though much more than he had done, and often he ate with much pleasure, +and not as formerly with aversion and a sense of guilt. So it was now. +He had some gruel, drank a cup of tea, and ate half a white roll. + +The attendant went away, and Father Sergius remained alone under the elm +tree. + +It was a wonderful May evening, when the birches, aspens, elms, wild +cherries, and oaks, had just burst into foliage. + +The bush of wild cherries behind the elm tree was in full bloom and had +not yet begun to shed its blossoms, and the nightingales--one quite near +at hand and two or three others in the bushes down by the river--burst +into full song after some preliminary twitters. From the river came the +far-off songs of peasants returning, no doubt, from their work. The sun +was setting behind the forest, its last rays glowing through the leaves. +All that side was brilliant green, the other side with the elm tree was +dark. The cockchafers flew clumsily about, falling to the ground when +they collided with anything. + +After supper Father Sergius began to repeat a silent prayer: ‘O Lord +Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon us!’ and then he read a psalm, +and suddenly in the middle of the psalm a sparrow flew out from the +bush, alighted on the ground, and hopped towards him chirping as it +came, but then it took fright at something and flew away. He said a +prayer which referred to his abandonment of the world, and hastened to +finish it in order to send for the merchant with the sick daughter. She +interested him in that she presented a distraction, and because both she +and her father considered him a saint whose prayers were efficacious. +Outwardly he disavowed that idea, but in the depths of his soul he +considered it to be true. + +He was often amazed that this had happened, that he, Stepan Kasatsky, +had come to be such an extraordinary saint and even a worker of +miracles, but of the fact that he was such there could not be the +least doubt. He could not fail to believe in the miracles he himself +witnessed, beginning with the sick boy and ending with the old woman who +had recovered her sight when he had prayed for her. + +Strange as it might be, it was so. Accordingly the merchant’s daughter +interested him as a new individual who had faith in him, and also as a +fresh opportunity to confirm his healing powers and enhance his fame. +‘They bring people a thousand versts and write about it in the papers. +The Emperor knows of it, and they know of it in Europe, in unbelieving +Europe’--thought he. And suddenly he felt ashamed of his vanity and +again began to pray. ‘Lord, King of Heaven, Comforter, Soul of Truth! +Come and enter into me and cleanse me from all sin and save and bless +my soul. Cleanse me from the sin of worldly vanity that troubles me!’ he +repeated, and he remembered how often he had prayed about this and how +vain till now his prayers had been in that respect. His prayers worked +miracles for others, but in his own case God had not granted him +liberation from this petty passion. + +He remembered his prayers at the commencement of his life at the +hermitage, when he prayed for purity, humility, and love, and how it +seemed to him then that God heard his prayers. He had retained his +purity and had chopped off his finger. And he lifted the shrivelled +stump of that finger to his lips and kissed it. It seemed to him now +that he had been humble then when he had always seemed loathsome to +himself on account of his sinfulness; and when he remembered the tender +feelings with which he had then met an old man who was bringing a +drunken soldier to him to ask alms; and how he had received HER, it +seemed to him that he had then possessed love also. But now? And he +asked himself whether he loved anyone, whether he loved Sofya Ivanovna, +or Father Seraphim, whether he had any feeling of love for all who had +come to him that day--for that learned young man with whom he had had +that instructive discussion in which he was concerned only to show off +his own intelligence and that he had not lagged behind the times in +knowledge. He wanted and needed their love, but felt none towards them. +He now had neither love nor humility nor purity. + +He was pleased to know that the merchant’s daughter was twenty-two, and +he wondered whether she was good-looking. When he inquired whether she +was weak, he really wanted to know if she had feminine charm. + +‘Can I have fallen so low?’ he thought. ‘Lord, help me! Restore me, my +Lord and God!’ And he clasped his hands and began to pray. + +The nightingales burst into song, a cockchafer knocked against him and +crept up the back of his neck. He brushed it off. ‘But does He exist? +What if I am knocking at a door fastened from outside? The bar is on the +door for all to see. Nature--the nightingales and the cockchafers--is +that bar. Perhaps the young man was right.’ And he began to pray aloud. +He prayed for a long time till these thoughts vanished and he again felt +calm and confident. He rang the bell and told the attendant to say that +the merchant might bring his daughter to him now. + +The merchant came, leading his daughter by the arm. He led her into the +cell and immediately left her. + +She was a very fair girl, plump and very short, with a pale, frightened, +childish face and a much developed feminine figure. Father Sergius +remained seated on the bench at the entrance and when she was passing +and stopped beside him for his blessing he was aghast at himself for +the way he looked at her figure. As she passed by him he was acutely +conscious of her femininity, though he saw by her face that she was +sensual and feeble-minded. He rose and went into the cell. She was +sitting on a stool waiting for him, and when he entered she rose. + +‘I want to go back to Papa,’ she said. + +‘Don’t be afraid,’ he replied. ‘What are you suffering from?’ + +‘I am in pain all over,’ she said, and suddenly her face lit up with a +smile. + +‘You will be well,’ said he. ‘Pray!’ + +‘What is the use of praying? I have prayed and it does no good’--and she +continued to smile. ‘I want you to pray for me and lay your hands on me. +I saw you in a dream.’ + +‘How did you see me?’ + +‘I saw you put your hands on my breast like that.’ She took his hand and +pressed it to her breast. ‘Just here.’ + +He yielded his right hand to her. + +‘What is your name?’ he asked, trembling all over and feeling that he +was overcome and that his desire had already passed beyond control. + +‘Marie. Why?’ + +She took his hand and kissed it, and then put her arm round his waist +and pressed him to herself. + +‘What are you doing?’ he said. ‘Marie, you are a devil!’ + +‘Oh, perhaps. What does it matter?’ + +And embracing him she sat down with him on the bed. + +At dawn he went out into the porch. + +‘Can this all have happened? Her father will come and she will tell him +everything. She is a devil! What am I to do? Here is the axe with which +I chopped off my finger.’ He snatched up the axe and moved back towards +the cell. + +The attendant came up. + +‘Do you want some wood chopped? Let me have the axe.’ + +Sergius yielded up the axe and entered the cell. She was lying +there asleep. He looked at her with horror, and passed on beyond the +partition, where he took down the peasant clothes and put them on. Then +he seized a pair of scissors, cut off his long hair, and went out along +the path down the hill to the river, where he had not been for more than +three years. + +A road ran beside the river and he went along it and walked till noon. +Then he went into a field of rye and lay down there. Towards evening +he approached a village, but without entering it went towards the cliff +that overhung the river. There he again lay down to rest. + +It was early morning, half an hour before sunrise. All was damp and +gloomy and a cold early wind was blowing from the west. ‘Yes, I must end +it all. There is no God. But how am I to end it? Throw myself into the +river? I can swim and should not drown. Hang myself? Yes, just throw +this sash over a branch.’ This seemed so feasible and so easy that +he felt horrified. As usual at moments of despair he felt the need of +prayer. But there was no one to pray to. There was no God. He lay down +resting on his arm, and suddenly such a longing for sleep overcame him +that he could no longer support his head on his hand, but stretched out +his arm, laid his head upon it, and fell asleep. But that sleep lasted +only for a moment. He woke up immediately and began not to dream but to +remember. + +He saw himself as a child in his mother’s home in the country. A +carriage drives up, and out of it steps Uncle Nicholas Sergeevich, +with his long, spade-shaped, black beard, and with him Pashenka, a thin +little girl with large mild eyes and a timid pathetic face. And into +their company of boys Pashenka is brought and they have to play with +her, but it is dull. She is silly, and it ends by their making fun of +her and forcing her to show how she can swim. She lies down on the floor +and shows them, and they all laugh and make a fool of her. She sees this +and blushes red in patches and becomes more pitiable than before, +so pitiable that he feels ashamed and can never forget that crooked, +kindly, submissive smile. And Sergius remembered having seen her since +then. Long after, just before he became a monk, she had married a +landowner who squandered all her fortune and was in the habit of beating +her. She had had two children, a son and a daughter, but the son had +died while still young. And Sergius remembered having seen her very +wretched. Then again he had seen her in the monastery when she was a +widow. She had been still the same, not exactly stupid, but insipid, +insignificant, and pitiable. She had come with her daughter and her +daughter’s fiance. They were already poor at that time and later on he +had heard that she was living in a small provincial town and was very +poor. + +‘Why am I thinking about her?’ he asked himself, but he could not cease +doing so. ‘Where is she? How is she getting on? Is she still as unhappy +as she was then when she had to show us how to swim on the floor? But +why should I think about her? What am I doing? I must put an end to +myself.’ + +And again he felt afraid, and again, to escape from that thought, he +went on thinking about Pashenka. + +So he lay for a long time, thinking now of his unavoidable end and now +of Pashenka. She presented herself to him as a means of salvation. At +last he fell asleep, and in his sleep he saw an angel who came to him +and said: ‘Go to Pashenka and learn from her what you have to do, what +your sin is, and wherein lies your salvation.’ + +He awoke, and having decided that this was a vision sent by God, he felt +glad, and resolved to do what had been told him in the vision. He knew +the town where she lived. It was some three hundred versts (two hundred +miles) away, and he set out to walk there. + + + + +VI + +Pashenka had already long ceased to be Pashenka and had become old, +withered, wrinkled Praskovya Mikhaylovna, mother-in-law of that failure, +the drunken official Mavrikyev. She was living in the country town +where he had had his last appointment, and there she was supporting the +family: her daughter, her ailing neurasthenic son-in-law, and her five +grandchildren. She did this by giving music lessons to tradesmen’s +daughters, giving four and sometimes five lessons a day of an hour each, +and earning in this way some sixty rubles (6 pounds) a month. So they +lived for the present, in expectation of another appointment. She had +sent letters to all her relations and acquaintances asking them to +obtain a post for her son-in-law, and among the rest she had written to +Sergius, but that letter had not reached him. + +It was a Saturday, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was herself mixing dough +for currant bread such as the serf-cook on her father’s estate used +to make so well. She wished to give her grandchildren a treat on the +Sunday. + +Masha, her daughter, was nursing her youngest child, the eldest boy and +girl were at school, and her son-in-law was asleep, not having slept +during the night. Praskovya Mikhaylovna had remained awake too for a +great part of the night, trying to soften her daughter’s anger against +her husband. + +She saw that it was impossible for her son-in-law, a weak creature, to +be other than he was, and realized that his wife’s reproaches could do +no good--so she used all her efforts to soften those reproaches and to +avoid recrimination and anger. Unkindly relations between people caused +her actual physical suffering. It was so clear to her that bitter +feelings do not make anything better, but only make everything worse. +She did not in fact think about this: she simply suffered at the sight +of anger as she would from a bad smell, a harsh noise, or from blows on +her body. + +She had--with a feeling of self-satisfaction--just taught Lukerya how +to mix the dough, when her six-year-old grandson Misha, wearing an +apron and with darned stockings on his crooked little legs, ran into the +kitchen with a frightened face. + +‘Grandma, a dreadful old man wants to see you.’ + +Lukerya looked out at the door. + +‘There is a pilgrim of some kind, a man...’ + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna rubbed her thin elbows against one another, wiped +her hands on her apron and went upstairs to get a five-kopek piece +[about a penny] out of her purse for him, but remembering that she had +nothing less than a ten-kopek piece she decided to give him some bread +instead. She returned to the cupboard, but suddenly blushed at the +thought of having grudged the ten-kopek piece, and telling Lukerya to +cut a slice of bread, went upstairs again to fetch it. ‘It serves you +right,’ she said to herself. ‘You must now give twice over.’ + +She gave both the bread and the money to the pilgrim, and when doing +so--far from being proud of her generosity--she excused herself for +giving so little. The man had such an imposing appearance. + +Though he had tramped two hundred versts as a beggar, though he was +tattered and had grown thin and weatherbeaten, though he had cropped his +long hair and was wearing a peasant’s cap and boots, and though he bowed +very humbly, Sergius still had the impressive appearance that made him +so attractive. But Praskovya Mikhaylovna did not recognize him. She +could hardly do so, not having seen him for almost twenty years. + +‘Don’t think ill of me, Father. Perhaps you want something to eat?’ + +He took the bread and the money, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was surprised +that he did not go, but stood looking at her. + +‘Pashenka, I have come to you! Take me in...’ + +His beautiful black eyes, shining with the tears that started in them, +were fixed on her with imploring insistence. And under his greyish +moustache his lips quivered piteously. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna pressed her hands to her withered breast, opened +her mouth, and stood petrified, staring at the pilgrim with dilated +eyes. + +‘It can’t be! Stepa! Sergey! Father Sergius!’ + +‘Yes, it is I,’ said Sergius in a low voice. ‘Only not Sergius, or +Father Sergius, but a great sinner, Stepan Kasatsky--a great and lost +sinner. Take me in and help me!’ + +‘It’s impossible! How have you so humbled yourself? But come in.’ + +She reached out her hand, but he did not take it and only followed her +in. + +But where was she to take him? The lodging was a small one. Formerly +she had had a tiny room, almost a closet, for herself, but later she had +given it up to her daughter, and Masha was now sitting there rocking the +baby. + +‘Sit here for the present,’ she said to Sergius, pointing to a bench in +the kitchen. + +He sat down at once, and with an evidently accustomed movement slipped +the straps of his wallet first off one shoulder and then off the other. + +‘My God, my God! How you have humbled yourself, Father! Such great fame, +and now like this...’ + +Sergius did not reply, but only smiled meekly, placing his wallet under +the bench on which he sat. + +‘Masha, do you know who this is?’--And in a whisper Praskovya +Mikhaylovna told her daughter who he was, and together they then carried +the bed and the cradle out of the tiny room and cleared it for Sergius. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna led him into it. + +‘Here you can rest. Don’t take offence... but I must go out.’ + +‘Where to?’ + +‘I have to go to a lesson. I am ashamed to tell you, but I teach music!’ + +‘Music? But that is good. Only just one thing, Praskovya Mikhaylovna, +I have come to you with a definite object. When can I have a talk with +you?’ + +‘I shall be very glad. Will this evening do?’ + +‘Yes. But one thing more. Don’t speak about me, or say who I am. I have +revealed myself only to you. No one knows where I have gone to. It must +be so.’ + +‘Oh, but I have told my daughter.’ + +‘Well, ask her not to mention it.’ + +And Sergius took off his boots, lay down, and at once fell asleep after +a sleepless night and a walk of nearly thirty miles. + +When Praskovya Mikhaylovna returned, Sergius was sitting in the little +room waiting for her. He did not come out for dinner, but had some soup +and gruel which Lukerya brought him. + +‘How is it that you have come back earlier than you said?’ asked +Sergius. ‘Can I speak to you now?’ + +‘How is it that I have the happiness to receive such a guest? I have +missed one of my lessons. That can wait... I had always been planning +to go to see you. I wrote to you, and now this good fortune has come.’ + +‘Pashenka, please listen to what I am going to tell you as to a +confession made to God at my last hour. Pashenka, I am not a holy man, +I am not even as good as a simple ordinary man; I am a loathsome, +vile, and proud sinner who has gone astray, and who, if not worse than +everyone else, is at least worse than most very bad people.’ + +Pashenka looked at him at first with staring eyes. But she believed what +he said, and when she had quite grasped it she touched his hand, smiling +pityingly, and said: + +‘Perhaps you exaggerate, Stiva?’ + +‘No, Pashenka. I am an adulterer, a murderer, a blasphemer, and a +deceiver.’ + +‘My God! How is that?’ exclaimed Praskovya Mikhaylovna. + +‘But I must go on living. And I, who thought I knew everything, who +taught others how to live--I know nothing and ask you to teach me.’ + +‘What are you saying, Stiva? You are laughing at me. Why do you always +make fun of me?’ + +‘Well, if you think I am jesting you must have it as you please. But +tell me all the same how you live, and how you have lived your life.’ + +‘I? I have lived a very nasty, horrible life, and now God is punishing +me as I deserve. I live so wretchedly, so wretchedly...’ + +‘How was it with your marriage? How did you live with your husband?’ + +‘It was all bad. I married because I fell in love in the nastiest way. +Papa did not approve. But I would not listen to anything and just +got married. Then instead of helping my husband I tormented him by my +jealousy, which I could not restrain.’ + +‘I heard that he drank...’ + +‘Yes, but I did not give him any peace. I always reproached him, though +you know it is a disease! He could not refrain from it. I now remember +how I tried to prevent his having it, and the frightful scenes we had!’ + +And she looked at Kasatsky with beautiful eyes, suffering from the +remembrance. + +Kasatsky remembered how he had been told that Pashenka’s husband used +to beat her, and now, looking at her thin withered neck with prominent +veins behind her ears, and her scanty coil of hair, half grey half +auburn, he seemed to see just how it had occurred. + +‘Then I was left with two children and no means at all.’ + +‘But you had an estate!’ + +‘Oh, we sold that while Vasya was still alive, and the money was all +spent. We had to live, and like all our young ladies I did not know how +to earn anything. I was particularly useless and helpless. So we spent +all we had. I taught the children and improved my own education a +little. And then Mitya fell ill when he was already in the fourth +form, and God took him. Masha fell in love with Vanya, my son-in-law. +And--well, he is well-meaning but unfortunate. He is ill.’ + +‘Mamma!’--her daughter’s voice interrupted her--‘Take Mitya! I can’t be +in two places at once.’ + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna shuddered, but rose and went out of the room, +stepping quickly in her patched shoes. She soon came back with a boy of +two in her arms, who threw himself backwards and grabbed at her shawl +with his little hands. + +‘Where was I? Oh yes, he had a good appointment here, and his chief +was a kind man too. But Vanya could not go on, and had to give up his +position.’ + +‘What is the matter with him?’ + +‘Neurasthenia--it is a dreadful complaint. We consulted a doctor, who +told us he ought to go away, but we had no means.... I always hope it +will pass of itself. He has no particular pain, but...’ + +‘Lukerya!’ cried an angry and feeble voice. ‘She is always sent away +when I want her. Mamma...’ + +‘I’m coming!’ Praskovya Mikhaylovna again interrupted herself. ‘He has +not had his dinner yet. He can’t eat with us.’ + +She went out and arranged something, and came back wiping her thin dark +hands. + +‘So that is how I live. I always complain and am always dissatisfied, +but thank God the grandchildren are all nice and healthy, and we can +still live. But why talk about me?’ + +‘But what do you live on?’ + +‘Well, I earn a little. How I used to dislike music, but how useful it +is to me now!’ Her small hand lay on the chest of drawers beside which +she was sitting, and she drummed an exercise with her thin fingers. + +‘How much do you get for a lesson?’ + +‘Sometimes a ruble, sometimes fifty kopeks, or sometimes thirty. They +are all so kind to me.’ + +‘And do your pupils get on well?’ asked Kasatsky with a slight smile. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna did not at first believe that he was asking +seriously, and looked inquiringly into his eyes. + +‘Some of them do. One of them is a splendid girl--the butcher’s +daughter--such a good kind girl! If I were a clever woman I ought, of +course, with the connexions Papa had, to be able to get an appointment +for my son-in-law. But as it is I have not been able to do anything, and +have brought them all to this--as you see.’ + +‘Yes, yes,’ said Kasatsky, lowering his head. ‘And how is it, +Pashenka--do you take part in Church life?’ + +‘Oh, don’t speak of it. I am so bad that way, and have neglected it so! +I keep the fasts with the children and sometimes go to church, and then +again sometimes I don’t go for months. I only send the children.’ + +‘But why don’t you go yourself?’ + +‘To tell the truth’ (she blushed) ‘I am ashamed, for my daughter’s +sake and the children’s, to go there in tattered clothes, and I haven’t +anything else. Besides, I am just lazy.’ + +‘And do you pray at home?’ + +‘I do. But what sort of prayer is it? Only mechanical. I know it should +not be like that, but I lack real religious feeling. The only thing is +that I know how bad I am...’ + +‘Yes, yes, that’s right!’ said Kasatsky, as if approvingly. + +‘I’m coming! I’m coming!’ she replied to a call from her son-in-law, and +tidying her scanty plait she left the room. + +But this time it was long before she returned. When she came back, +Kasatsky was sitting in the same position, his elbows resting on his +knees and his head bowed. But his wallet was strapped on his back. + +When she came in, carrying a small tin lamp without a shade, he raised +his fine weary eyes and sighed very deeply. + +‘I did not tell them who you are,’ she began timidly. ‘I only said that +you are a pilgrim, a nobleman, and that I used to know you. Come into +the dining-room for tea.’ + +‘No...’ + +‘Well then, I’ll bring some to you here.’ + +‘No, I don’t want anything. God bless you, Pashenka! I am going now. If +you pity me, don’t tell anyone that you have seen me. For the love of +God don’t tell anyone. Thank you. I would bow to your feet but I know +it would make you feel awkward. Thank you, and forgive me for Christ’s +sake!’ + +‘Give me your blessing.’ + +‘God bless you! Forgive me for Christ’s sake!’ + +He rose, but she would not let him go until she had given him bread and +butter and rusks. He took it all and went away. + +It was dark, and before he had passed the second house he was lost to +sight. She only knew he was there because the dog at the priest’s house +was barking. + +‘So that is what my dream meant! Pashenka is what I ought to have been +but failed to be. I lived for men on the pretext of living for God, +while she lived for God imagining that she lives for men. Yes, one good +deed--a cup of water given without thought of reward--is worth more +than any benefit I imagined I was bestowing on people. But after all was +there not some share of sincere desire to serve God?’ he asked himself, +and the answer was: ‘Yes, there was, but it was all soiled and overgrown +by desire for human praise. Yes, there is no God for the man who lives, +as I did, for human praise. I will now seek Him!’ + +And he walked from village to village as he had done on his way to +Pashenka, meeting and parting from other pilgrims, men and women, and +asking for bread and a night’s rest in Christ’s name. Occasionally some +angry housewife scolded him, or a drunken peasant reviled him, but for +the most part he was given food and drink and even something to take +with him. His noble bearing disposed some people in his favour, while +others on the contrary seemed pleased at the sight of a gentleman who +had come to beggary. + +But his gentleness prevailed with everyone. + +Often, finding a copy of the Gospels in a hut he would read it aloud, +and when they heard him the people were always touched and surprised, as +at something new yet familiar. + +When he succeeded in helping people, either by advice, or by his +knowledge of reading and writing, or by settling some quarrel, he did +not wait to see their gratitude but went away directly afterwards. And +little by little God began to reveal Himself within him. + +Once he was walking along with two old women and a soldier. They were +stopped by a party consisting of a lady and gentleman in a gig and +another lady and gentleman on horseback. The husband was on horseback +with his daughter, while in the gig his wife was driving with a +Frenchman, evidently a traveller. + +The party stopped to let the Frenchman see the pilgrims who, in accord +with a popular Russian superstition, tramped about from place to place +instead of working. + +They spoke French, thinking that the others would not understand them. + +‘Demandez-leur,’ said the Frenchman, ‘s’ils sont bien sur de ce que leur +pelerinage est agreable a Dieu.’ + +The question was asked, and one old woman replied: + +‘As God takes it. Our feet have reached the holy places, but our hearts +may not have done so.’ + +They asked the soldier. He said that he was alone in the world and had +nowhere else to go. + +They asked Kasatsky who he was. + +‘A servant of God.’ + +‘Qu’est-ce qu’il dit? Il ne repond pas.’ + +‘Il dit qu’il est un serviteur de Dieu. Cela doit etre un fils de +preetre. Il a de la race. Avez-vous de la petite monnaie?’ + +The Frenchman found some small change and gave twenty kopeks to each of +the pilgrims. + +‘Mais dites-leur que ce n’est pas pour les cierges que je leur donne, +mais pour qu’ils se regalent de the. Chay, chay pour vous, mon vieux!’ +he said with a smile. And he patted Kasatsky on the shoulder with his +gloved hand. + +‘May Christ bless you,’ replied Kasatsky without replacing his cap and +bowing his bald head. + +He rejoiced particularly at this meeting, because he had disregarded the +opinion of men and had done the simplest, easiest thing--humbly accepted +twenty kopeks and given them to his comrade, a blind beggar. The less +importance he attached to the opinion of men the more did he feel the +presence of God within him. + +For eight months Kasatsky tramped on in this manner, and in the ninth +month he was arrested for not having a passport. This happened at a +night-refuge in a provincial town where he had passed the night with +some pilgrims. He was taken to the police-station, and when asked who he +was and where was his passport, he replied that he had no passport and +that he was a servant of God. He was classed as a tramp, sentenced, and +sent to live in Siberia. + +In Siberia he has settled down as the hired man of a well-to-do peasant, +in which capacity he works in the kitchen-garden, teaches children, and +attends to the sick. + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Father Sergius, by Leo Tolstoy + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FATHER SERGIUS *** + +***** This file should be named 985-0.txt or 985-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/9/8/985/ + +Produced by Judith Boss + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Father Sergius + +Author: Leo Tolstoy + +Translator: Louise and Aylmer Maude + +Release Date: July 9, 2009 [EBook #985] +Last Updated: September 10, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FATHER SERGIUS *** + + + + +Produced by Judith Boss, and David Widger + + + + + + +</pre> + + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + FATHER SERGIUS + </h1> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Leo Tolstoy + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + Contents + </h3> + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto"> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> II </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> III </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> IV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> V </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> VI </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + I + </h2> + <p> + In Petersburg in the eighteen-forties a surprising event occurred. An + officer of the Cuirassier Life Guards, a handsome prince who everyone + predicted would become aide-de-camp to the Emperor Nicholas I. and have a + brilliant career, left the service, broke off his engagement to a + beautiful maid of honour, a favourite of the Empress’s, gave his small + estate to his sister, and retired to a monastery to become a monk. + </p> + <p> + This event appeared extraordinary and inexplicable to those who did not + know his inner motives, but for Prince Stepan Kasatsky himself it all + occurred so naturally that he could not imagine how he could have acted + otherwise. + </p> + <p> + His father, a retired colonel of the Guards, had died when Stepan was + twelve, and sorry as his mother was to part from her son, she entered him + at the Military College as her deceased husband had intended. + </p> + <p> + The widow herself, with her daughter, Varvara, moved to Petersburg to be + near her son and have him with her for the holidays. + </p> + <p> + The boy was distinguished both by his brilliant ability and by his immense + self-esteem. He was first both in his studies—especially in + mathematics, of which he was particularly fond—and also in drill and + in riding. Though of more than average height, he was handsome and agile, + and he would have been an altogether exemplary cadet had it not been for + his quick temper. He was remarkably truthful, and was neither dissipated + nor addicted to drink. The only faults that marred his conduct were fits + of fury to which he was subject and during which he lost control of + himself and became like a wild animal. He once nearly threw out of the + window another cadet who had begun to tease him about his collection of + minerals. On another occasion he came almost completely to grief by + flinging a whole dish of cutlets at an officer who was acting as steward, + attacking him and, it was said, striking him for having broken his word + and told a barefaced lie. He would certainly have been reduced to the + ranks had not the Director of the College hushed up the whole matter and + dismissed the steward. + </p> + <p> + By the time he was eighteen he had finished his College course and + received a commission as lieutenant in an aristocratic regiment of the + Guards. + </p> + <p> + The Emperor Nicholas Pavlovich (Nicholas I) had noticed him while he was + still at the College, and continued to take notice of him in the regiment, + and it was on this account that people predicted for him an appointment as + aide-de-camp to the Emperor. Kasatsky himself strongly desired it, not + from ambition only but chiefly because since his cadet days he had been + passionately devoted to Nicholas Pavlovich. The Emperor had often visited + the Military College and every time Kasatsky saw that tall erect figure, + with breast expanded in its military overcoat, entering with brisk step, + saw the cropped side-whiskers, the moustache, the aquiline nose, and heard + the sonorous voice exchanging greetings with the cadets, he was seized by + the same rapture that he experienced later on when he met the woman he + loved. Indeed, his passionate adoration of the Emperor was even stronger: + he wished to sacrifice something—everything, even himself—to + prove his complete devotion. And the Emperor Nicholas was conscious of + evoking this rapture and deliberately aroused it. He played with the + cadets, surrounded himself with them, treating them sometimes with + childish simplicity, sometimes as a friend, and then again with majestic + solemnity. After that affair with the officer, Nicholas Pavlovich said + nothing to Kasatsky, but when the latter approached he waved him away + theatrically, frowned, shook his finger at him, and afterwards when + leaving, said: ‘Remember that I know everything. There are some things I + would rather not know, but they remain here,’ and he pointed to his heart. + </p> + <p> + When on leaving College the cadets were received by the Emperor, he did + not again refer to Kasatsky’s offence, but told them all, as was his + custom, that they should serve him and the fatherland loyally, that he + would always be their best friend, and that when necessary they might + approach him direct. All the cadets were as usual greatly moved, and + Kasatsky even shed tears, remembering the past, and vowed that he would + serve his beloved Tsar with all his soul. + </p> + <p> + When Kasatsky took up his commission his mother moved with her daughter + first to Moscow and then to their country estate. Kasatsky gave half his + property to his sister and kept only enough to maintain himself in the + expensive regiment he had joined. + </p> + <p> + To all appearance he was just an ordinary, brilliant young officer of the + Guards making a career for himself; but intense and complex strivings went + on within him. From early childhood his efforts had seemed to be very + varied, but essentially they were all one and the same. He tried in + everything he took up to attain such success and perfection as would evoke + praise and surprise. Whether it was his studies or his military exercises, + he took them up and worked at them till he was praised and held up as an + example to others. Mastering one subject he took up another, and obtained + first place in his studies. For example, while still at College he noticed + in himself an awkwardness in French conversation, and contrived to master + French till he spoke it as well as Russian, and then he took up chess and + became an excellent player. + </p> + <p> + Apart from his main vocation, which was the service of his Tsar and the + fatherland, he always set himself some particular aim, and however + unimportant it was, devoted himself completely to it and lived for it + until it was accomplished. And as soon as it was attained another aim + would immediately present itself, replacing its predecessor. This passion + for distinguishing himself, or for accomplishing something in order to + distinguish himself, filled his life. On taking up his commission he set + himself to acquire the utmost perfection in knowledge of the service, and + very soon became a model officer, though still with the same fault of + ungovernable irascibility, which here in the service again led him to + commit actions inimical to his success. Then he took to reading, having + once in conversation in society felt himself deficient in general + education—and again achieved his purpose. Then, wishing to secure a + brilliant position in high society, he learnt to dance excellently and + very soon was invited to all the balls in the best circles, and to some of + their evening gatherings. But this did not satisfy him: he was accustomed + to being first, and in this society was far from being so. + </p> + <p> + The highest society then consisted, and I think always consist, of four + sorts of people: rich people who are received at Court, people not wealthy + but born and brought up in Court circles, rich people who ingratiate + themselves into the Court set, and people neither rich nor belonging to + the Court but who ingratiate themselves into the first and second sets. + </p> + <p> + Kasatsky did not belong to the first two sets, but was readily welcomed in + the others. On entering society he determined to have relations with some + society lady, and to his own surprise quickly accomplished this purpose. + He soon realized, however, that the circles in which he moved were not the + highest, and that though he was received in the highest spheres he did not + belong to them. They were polite to him, but showed by their whole manner + that they had their own set and that he was not of it. And Kasatsky wished + to belong to that inner circle. To attain that end it would be necessary + to be an aide-de-camp to the Emperor—which he expected to become—or + to marry into that exclusive set, which he resolved to do. And his choice + fell on a beauty belonging to the Court, who not merely belonged to the + circle into which he wished to be accepted, but whose friendship was + coveted by the very highest people and those most firmly established in + that highest circle. This was Countess Korotkova. Kasatsky began to pay + court to her, and not merely for the sake of his career. She was extremely + attractive and he soon fell in love with her. At first she was noticeably + cool towards him, but then suddenly changed and became gracious, and her + mother gave him pressing invitations to visit them. Kasatsky proposed and + was accepted. He was surprised at the facility with which he attained such + happiness. But though he noticed something strange and unusual in the + behaviour towards him of both mother and daughter, he was blinded by being + so deeply in love, and did not realize what almost the whole town knew—namely, + that his fiancee had been the Emperor Nicholas’s mistress the previous + year. + </p> + <p> + Two weeks before the day arranged for the wedding, Kasatsky was at + Tsarskoe Selo at his fiancee’s country place. It was a hot day in May. He + and his betrothed had walked about the garden and were sitting on a bench + in a shady linden alley. Mary’s white muslin dress suited her particularly + well, and she seemed the personification of innocence and love as she sat, + now bending her head, now gazing up at the very tall and handsome man who + was speaking to her with particular tenderness and self-restraint, as if + he feared by word or gesture to offend or sully her angelic purity. + </p> + <p> + Kasatsky belonged to those men of the eighteen-forties (they are now no + longer to be found) who while deliberately and without any conscientious + scruples condoning impurity in themselves, required ideal and angelic + purity in their women, regarded all unmarried women of their circle as + possessed of such purity, and treated them accordingly. There was much + that was false and harmful in this outlook, as concerning the laxity the + men permitted themselves, but in regard to the women that old-fashioned + view (sharply differing from that held by young people to-day who see in + every girl merely a female seeking a mate) was, I think, of value. The + girls, perceiving such adoration, endeavoured with more or less success to + be goddesses. + </p> + <p> + Such was the view Kasatsky held of women, and that was how he regarded his + fiancee. He was particularly in love that day, but did not experience any + sensual desire for her. On the contrary he regarded her with tender + adoration as something unattainable. + </p> + <p> + He rose to his full height, standing before her with both hands on his + sabre. + </p> + <p> + ‘I have only now realized what happiness a man can experience! And it is + you, my darling, who have given me this happiness,’ he said with a timid + smile. + </p> + <p> + Endearments had not yet become usual between them, and feeling himself + morally inferior he felt terrified at this stage to use them to such an + angel. + </p> + <p> + ‘It is thanks to you that I have come to know myself. I have learnt that I + am better than I thought.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have known that for a long time. That was why I began to love you.’ + </p> + <p> + Nightingales trilled near by and the fresh leafage rustled, moved by a + passing breeze. + </p> + <p> + He took her hand and kissed it, and tears came into his eyes. + </p> + <p> + She understood that he was thanking her for having said she loved him. He + silently took a few steps up and down, and then approached her again and + sat down. + </p> + <p> + ‘You know... I have to tell you... I was not disinterested when I began to + make love to you. I wanted to get into society; but later... how + unimportant that became in comparison with you—when I got to know + you. You are not angry with me for that?’ + </p> + <p> + She did not reply but merely touched his hand. He understood that this + meant: ‘No, I am not angry.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You said...’ He hesitated. It seemed too bold to say. ‘You said that you + began to love me. I believe it—but there is something that troubles + you and checks your feeling. What is it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes—now or never!’ thought she. ‘He is bound to know of it anyway. + But now he will not forsake me. Ah, if he should, it would be terrible!’ + And she threw a loving glance at his tall, noble, powerful figure. She + loved him now more than she had loved the Tsar, and apart from the + Imperial dignity would not have preferred the Emperor to him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Listen! I cannot deceive you. I have to tell you. You ask what it is? It + is that I have loved before.’ + </p> + <p> + She again laid her hand on his with an imploring gesture. He was silent. + </p> + <p> + ‘You want to know who it was? It was—the Emperor.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘We all love him. I can imagine you, a schoolgirl at the Institute...’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, it was later. I was infatuated, but it passed... I must tell you...’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, what of it?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, it was not simply—’ She covered her face with her hands. + </p> + <p> + ‘What? You gave yourself to him?’ + </p> + <p> + She was silent. + </p> + <p> + ‘His mistress?’ + </p> + <p> + She did not answer. + </p> + <p> + He sprang up and stood before her with trembling jaws, pale as death. He + now remembered how the Emperor, meeting him on the Nevsky, had amiably + congratulated him. + </p> + <p> + ‘O God, what have I done! Stiva!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Oh, how it pains!’ + </p> + <p> + He turned away and went to the house. There he met her mother. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is the matter, Prince? I...’ She became silent on seeing his face. + The blood had suddenly rushed to his head. + </p> + <p> + ‘You knew it, and used me to shield them! If you weren’t a woman...!’ he + cried, lifting his enormous fist, and turning aside he ran away. + </p> + <p> + Had his fiancee’s lover been a private person he would have killed him, + but it was his beloved Tsar. + </p> + <p> + Next day he applied both for furlough and his discharge, and professing to + be ill, so as to see no one, he went away to the country. + </p> + <p> + He spent the summer at his village arranging his affairs. When summer was + over he did not return to Petersburg, but entered a monastery and there + became a monk. + </p> + <p> + His mother wrote to try to dissuade him from this decisive step, but he + replied that he felt God’s call which transcended all other + considerations. Only his sister, who was as proud and ambitious as he, + understood him. + </p> + <p> + She understood that he had become a monk in order to be above those who + considered themselves his superiors. And she understood him correctly. By + becoming a monk he showed contempt for all that seemed most important to + others and had seemed so to him while he was in the service, and he now + ascended a height from which he could look down on those he had formerly + envied.... But it was not this alone, as his sister Varvara supposed, that + influenced him. There was also in him something else—a sincere + religious feeling which Varvara did not know, which intertwined itself + with the feeling of pride and the desire for pre-eminence, and guided him. + His disillusionment with Mary, whom he had thought of angelic purity, and + his sense of injury, were so strong that they brought him to despair, and + the despair led him—to what? To God, to his childhood’s faith which + had never been destroyed in him. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + II + </h2> + <p> + Kasatsky entered the monastery on the feast of the Intercession of the + Blessed Virgin. The Abbot of that monastery was a gentleman by birth, a + learned writer and a starets, that is, he belonged to that succession of + monks originating in Walachia who each choose a director and teacher whom + they implicitly obey. This Superior had been a disciple of the starets + Ambrose, who was a disciple of Makarius, who was a disciple of the starets + Leonid, who was a disciple of Paussy Velichkovsky. + </p> + <p> + To this Abbot Kasatsky submitted himself as to his chosen director. Here + in the monastery, besides the feeling of ascendency over others that such + a life gave him, he felt much as he had done in the world: he found + satisfaction in attaining the greatest possible perfection outwardly as + well as inwardly. As in the regiment he had been not merely an + irreproachable officer but had even exceeded his duties and widened the + borders of perfection, so also as a monk he tried to be perfect, and was + always industrious, abstemious, submissive, and meek, as well as pure both + in deed and in thought, and obedient. This last quality in particular made + life far easier for him. If many of the demands of life in the monastery, + which was near the capital and much frequented, did not please him and + were temptations to him, they were all nullified by obedience: ‘It is not + for me to reason; my business is to do the task set me, whether it be + standing beside the relics, singing in the choir, or making up accounts in + the monastery guest-house.’ All possibility of doubt about anything was + silenced by obedience to the starets. Had it not been for this, he would + have been oppressed by the length and monotony of the church services, the + bustle of the many visitors, and the bad qualities of the other monks. As + it was, he not only bore it all joyfully but found in it solace and + support. ‘I don’t know why it is necessary to hear the same prayers + several times a day, but I know that it is necessary; and knowing this I + find joy in them.’ His director told him that as material food is + necessary for the maintenance of the life of the body, so spiritual food—the + church prayers—is necessary for the maintenance of the spiritual + life. He believed this, and though the church services, for which he had + to get up early in the morning, were a difficulty, they certainly calmed + him and gave him joy. This was the result of his consciousness of + humility, and the certainty that whatever he had to do, being fixed by the + starets, was right. + </p> + <p> + The interest of his life consisted not only in an ever greater and greater + subjugation of his will, but in the attainment of all the Christian + virtues, which at first seemed to him easily attainable. He had given his + whole estate to his sister and did not regret it, he had no personal + claims, humility towards his inferiors was not merely easy for him but + afforded him pleasure. Even victory over the sins of the flesh, greed and + lust, was easily attained. His director had specially warned him against + the latter sin, but Kasatsky felt free from it and was glad. + </p> + <p> + One thing only tormented him—the remembrance of his fiancee; and not + merely the remembrance but the vivid image of what might have been. + Involuntarily he recalled a lady he knew who had been a favourite of the + Emperor’s, but had afterwards married and become an admirable wife and + mother. The husband had a high position, influence and honour, and a good + and penitent wife. + </p> + <p> + In his better hours Kasatsky was not disturbed by such thoughts, and when + he recalled them at such times he was merely glad to feel that the + temptation was past. But there were moments when all that made up his + present life suddenly grew dim before him, moments when, if he did not + cease to believe in the aims he had set himself, he ceased to see them and + could evoke no confidence in them but was seized by a remembrance of, and—terrible + to say—a regret for, the change of life he had made. + </p> + <p> + The only thing that saved him in that state of mind was obedience and + work, and the fact that the whole day was occupied by prayer. He went + through the usual forms of prayer, he bowed in prayer, he even prayed more + than usual, but it was lip-service only and his soul was not in it. This + condition would continue for a day, or sometimes for two days, and would + then pass of itself. But those days were dreadful. Kasatsky felt that he + was neither in his own hands nor in God’s, but was subject to something + else. All he could do then was to obey the starets, to restrain himself, + to undertake nothing, and simply to wait. In general all this time he + lived not by his own will but by that of the starets, and in this + obedience he found a special tranquillity. + </p> + <p> + So he lived in his first monastery for seven years. At the end of the + third year he received the tonsure and was ordained to the priesthood by + the name of Sergius. The profession was an important event in his inner + life. He had previously experienced a great consolation and spiritual + exaltation when receiving communion, and now when he himself officiated, + the performance of the preparation filled him with ecstatic and deep + emotion. But subsequently that feeling became more and more deadened, and + once when he was officiating in a depressed state of mind he felt that the + influence produced on him by the service would not endure. And it did in + fact weaken till only the habit remained. + </p> + <p> + In general in the seventh year of his life in the monastery Sergius grew + weary. He had learnt all there was to learn and had attained all there was + to attain, there was nothing more to do and his spiritual drowsiness + increased. During this time he heard of his mother’s death and his sister + Varvara’s marriage, but both events were matters of indifference to him. + His whole attention and his whole interest were concentrated on his inner + life. + </p> + <p> + In the fourth year of his priesthood, during which the Bishop had been + particularly kind to him, the starets told him that he ought not to + decline it if he were offered an appointment to higher duties. Then + monastic ambition, the very thing he had found so repulsive in other + monks, arose within him. He was assigned to a monastery near the + metropolis. He wished to refuse but the starets ordered him to accept the + appointment. He did so, and took leave of the starets and moved to the + other monastery. + </p> + <p> + The exchange into the metropolitan monastery was an important event in + Sergius’s life. There he encountered many temptations, and his whole + will-power was concentrated on meeting them. + </p> + <p> + In the first monastery, women had not been a temptation to him, but here + that temptation arose with terrible strength and even took definite shape. + There was a lady known for her frivolous behaviour who began to seek his + favour. She talked to him and asked him to visit her. Sergius sternly + declined, but was horrified by the definiteness of his desire. He was so + alarmed that he wrote about it to the starets. And in addition, to keep + himself in hand, he spoke to a young novice and, conquering his sense of + shame, confessed his weakness to him, asking him to keep watch on him and + not let him go anywhere except to service and to fulfil his duties. + </p> + <p> + Besides this, a great pitfall for Sergius lay in the fact of his extreme + antipathy to his new Abbot, a cunning worldly man who was making a career + for himself in the Church. Struggle with himself as he might, he could not + master that feeling. He was submissive to the Abbot, but in the depths of + his soul he never ceased to condemn him. And in the second year of his + residence at the new monastery that ill-feeling broke out. + </p> + <p> + The Vigil service was being performed in the large church on the eve of + the feast of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin, and there were many + visitors. The Abbot himself was conducting the service. Father Sergius was + standing in his usual place and praying: that is, he was in that condition + of struggle which always occupied him during the service, especially in + the large church when he was not himself conducting the service. This + conflict was occasioned by his irritation at the presence of fine folk, + especially ladies. He tried not to see them or to notice all that went on: + how a soldier conducted them, pushing the common people aside, how the + ladies pointed out the monks to one another—especially himself and a + monk noted for his good looks. He tried as it were to keep his mind in + blinkers, to see nothing but the light of the candles on the altar-screen, + the icons, and those conducting the service. He tried to hear nothing but + the prayers that were being chanted or read, to feel nothing but + self-oblivion in consciousness of the fulfilment of duty—a feeling + he always experienced when hearing or reciting in advance the prayers he + had so often heard. + </p> + <p> + So he stood, crossing and prostrating himself when necessary, and + struggled with himself, now giving way to cold condemnation and now to a + consciously evoked obliteration of thought and feeling. Then the + sacristan, Father Nicodemus—also a great stumbling-block to Sergius + who involuntarily reproached him for flattering and fawning on the Abbot—approached + him and, bowing low, requested his presence behind the holy gates. Father + Sergius straightened his mantle, put on his biretta, and went + circumspectly through the crowd. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lise, regarde a droite, c’est lui!’ he heard a woman’s voice say. + </p> + <p> + ‘Ou, ou? Il n’est pas tellement beau.’ + </p> + <p> + He knew that they were speaking of him. He heard them and, as always at + moments of temptation, he repeated the words, ‘Lead us not into + temptation,’ and bowing his head and lowering his eyes went past the ambo + and in by the north door, avoiding the canons in their cassocks who were + just then passing the altar-screen. On entering the sanctuary he bowed, + crossing himself as usual and bending double before the icons. Then, + raising his head but without turning, he glanced out of the corner of his + eye at the Abbot, whom he saw standing beside another glittering figure. + </p> + <p> + The Abbot was standing by the wall in his vestments. Having freed his + short plump hands from beneath his chasuble he had folded them over his + fat body and protruding stomach, and fingering the cords of his vestments + was smilingly saying something to a military man in the uniform of a + general of the Imperial suite, with its insignia and shoulder-knots which + Father Sergius’s experienced eye at once recognized. This general had been + the commander of the regiment in which Sergius had served. He now + evidently occupied an important position, and Father Sergius at once + noticed that the Abbot was aware of this and that his red face and bald + head beamed with satisfaction and pleasure. This vexed and disgusted + Father Sergius, the more so when he heard that the Abbot had only sent for + him to satisfy the general’s curiosity to see a man who had formerly + served with him, as he expressed it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Very pleased to see you in your angelic guise,’ said the general, holding + out his hand. ‘I hope you have not forgotten an old comrade.’ + </p> + <p> + The whole thing—the Abbot’s red, smiling face amid its fringe of + grey, the general’s words, his well-cared-for face with its self-satisfied + smile and the smell of wine from his breath and of cigars from his + whiskers—revolted Father Sergius. He bowed again to the Abbot and + said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Your reverence deigned to send for me?’—and stopped, the whole + expression of his face and eyes asking why. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, to meet the General,’ replied the Abbot. + </p> + <p> + ‘Your reverence, I left the world to save myself from temptation,’ said + Father Sergius, turning pale and with quivering lips. ‘Why do you expose + me to it during prayers and in God’s house?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘You may go! Go!’ said the Abbot, flaring up and frowning. + </p> + <p> + Next day Father Sergius asked pardon of the Abbot and of the brethren for + his pride, but at the same time, after a night spent in prayer, he decided + that he must leave this monastery, and he wrote to the starets begging + permission to return to him. He wrote that he felt his weakness and + incapacity to struggle against temptation without his help and penitently + confessed his sin of pride. By return of post came a letter from the + starets, who wrote that Sergius’s pride was the cause of all that had + happened. The old man pointed out that his fits of anger were due to the + fact that in refusing all clerical honours he humiliated himself not for + the sake of God but for the sake of his pride. ‘There now, am I not a + splendid man not to want anything?’ That was why he could not tolerate the + Abbot’s action. ‘I have renounced everything for the glory of God, and + here I am exhibited like a wild beast!’ ‘Had you renounced vanity for + God’s sake you would have borne it. Worldly pride is not yet dead in you. + I have thought about you, Sergius my son, and prayed also, and this is + what God has suggested to me. At the Tambov hermitage the anchorite + Hilary, a man of saintly life, has died. He had lived there eighteen + years. The Tambov Abbot is asking whether there is not a brother who would + take his place. And here comes your letter. Go to Father Paissy of the + Tambov Monastery. I will write to him about you, and you must ask for + Hilary’s cell. Not that you can replace Hilary, but you need solitude to + quell your pride. May God bless you!’ + </p> + <p> + Sergius obeyed the starets, showed his letter to the Abbot, and having + obtained his permission, gave up his cell, handed all his possessions over + to the monastery, and set out for the Tambov hermitage. + </p> + <p> + There the Abbot, an excellent manager of merchant origin, received Sergius + simply and quietly and placed him in Hilary’s cell, at first assigning to + him a lay brother but afterwards leaving him alone, at Sergius’s own + request. The cell was a dual cave, dug into the hillside, and in it Hilary + had been buried. In the back part was Hilary’s grave, while in the front + was a niche for sleeping, with a straw mattress, a small table, and a + shelf with icons and books. Outside the outer door, which fastened with a + hook, was another shelf on which, once a day, a monk placed food from the + monastery. + </p> + <p> + And so Sergius became a hermit. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + III + </h2> + <p> + At Carnival time, in the sixth year of Sergius’s life at the hermitage, a + merry company of rich people, men and women from a neighbouring town, made + up a troyka-party, after a meal of carnival-pancakes and wine. The company + consisted of two lawyers, a wealthy landowner, an officer, and four + ladies. One lady was the officer’s wife, another the wife of the + landowner, the third his sister—a young girl—and the fourth a + divorcee, beautiful, rich, and eccentric, who amazed and shocked the town + by her escapades. + </p> + <p> + The weather was excellent and the snow-covered road smooth as a floor. + They drove some seven miles out of town, and then stopped and consulted as + to whether they should turn back or drive farther. + </p> + <p> + ‘But where does this road lead to?’ asked Makovkina, the beautiful + divorcee. + </p> + <p> + ‘To Tambov, eight miles from here,’ replied one of the lawyers, who was + having a flirtation with her. + </p> + <p> + ‘And then where?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Then on to L——, past the Monastery.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Where that Father Sergius lives?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Kasatsky, the handsome hermit?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mesdames et messieurs, let us drive on and see Kasatsky! We can stop at + Tambov and have something to eat.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But we shouldn’t get home to-night!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Never mind, we will stay at Kasatsky’s.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, there is a very good hostelry at the Monastery. I stayed there when + I was defending Makhin.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, I shall spend the night at Kasatsky’s!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Impossible! Even your omnipotence could not accomplish that!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Impossible? Will you bet?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘All right! If you spend the night with him, the stake shall be whatever + you like.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘A DISCRETION!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But on your side too!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, of course. Let us drive on.’ + </p> + <p> + Vodka was handed to the drivers, and the party got out a box of pies, + wine, and sweets for themselves. The ladies wrapped up in their white + dogskins. The drivers disputed as to whose troyka should go ahead, and the + youngest, seating himself sideways with a dashing air, swung his long + knout and shouted to the horses. The troyka-bells tinkled and the + sledge-runners squeaked over the snow. + </p> + <p> + The sledge swayed hardly at all. The shaft-horse, with his tightly bound + tail under his decorated breechband, galloped smoothly and briskly; the + smooth road seemed to run rapidly backwards, while the driver dashingly + shook the reins. One of the lawyers and the officer sitting opposite + talked nonsense to Makovkina’s neighbour, but Makovkina herself sat + motionless and in thought, tightly wrapped in her fur. ‘Always the same + and always nasty! The same red shiny faces smelling of wine and cigars! + The same talk, the same thoughts, and always about the same things! And + they are all satisfied and confident that it should be so, and will go on + living like that till they die. But I can’t. It bores me. I want something + that would upset it all and turn it upside down. Suppose it happened to us + as to those people—at Saratov was it?—who kept on driving and + froze to death.... What would our people do? How would they behave? + Basely, for certain. Each for himself. And I too should act badly. But I + at any rate have beauty. They all know it. And how about that monk? Is it + possible that he has become indifferent to it? No! That is the one thing + they all care for—like that cadet last autumn. What a fool he was!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Ivan Nikolaevich!’ she said aloud. + </p> + <p> + ‘What are your commands?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How old is he?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Who?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Kasatsky.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Over forty, I should think.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And does he receive all visitors?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, everybody, but not always.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Cover up my feet. Not like that—how clumsy you are! No! More, more—like + that! But you need not squeeze them!’ + </p> + <p> + So they came to the forest where the cell was. + </p> + <p> + Makovkina got out of the sledge, and told them to drive on. They tried to + dissuade her, but she grew irritable and ordered them to go on. + </p> + <p> + When the sledges had gone she went up the path in her white dogskin coat. + The lawyer got out and stopped to watch her. + </p> + <p> + It was Father Sergius’s sixth year as a recluse, and he was now + forty-nine. His life in solitude was hard—not on account of the + fasts and the prayers (they were no hardship to him) but on account of an + inner conflict he had not at all anticipated. The sources of that conflict + were two: doubts, and the lust of the flesh. And these two enemies always + appeared together. It seemed to him that they were two foes, but in + reality they were one and the same. As soon as doubt was gone so was the + lustful desire. But thinking them to be two different fiends he fought + them separately. + </p> + <p> + ‘O my God, my God!’ thought he. ‘Why dost thou not grant me faith? There + is lust, of course: even the saints had to fight that—Saint Anthony + and others. But they had faith, while I have moments, hours, and days, + when it is absent. Why does the whole world, with all its delights, exist + if it is sinful and must be renounced? Why hast Thou created this + temptation? Temptation? Is it not rather a temptation that I wish to + abandon all the joys of earth and prepare something for myself there where + perhaps there is nothing?’ And he became horrified and filled with disgust + at himself. ‘Vile creature! And it is you who wish to become a saint!’ he + upbraided himself, and he began to pray. But as soon as he started to pray + he saw himself vividly as he had been at the Monastery, in a majestic post + in biretta and mantle, and he shook his head. ‘No, that is not right. It + is deception. I may deceive others, but not myself or God. I am not a + majestic man, but a pitiable and ridiculous one!’ And he threw back the + folds of his cassock and smiled as he looked at his thin legs in their + underclothing. + </p> + <p> + Then he dropped the folds of the cassock again and began reading the + prayers, making the sign of the cross and prostrating himself. ‘Can it be + that this couch will be my bier?’ he read. And it seemed as if a devil + whispered to him: ‘A solitary couch is itself a bier. Falsehood!’ And in + imagination he saw the shoulders of a widow with whom he had lived. He + shook himself, and went on reading. Having read the precepts he took up + the Gospels, opened the book, and happened on a passage he often repeated + and knew by heart: ‘Lord, I believe. Help thou my unbelief!’—and he + put away all the doubts that had arisen. As one replaces an object of + insecure equilibrium, so he carefully replaced his belief on its shaky + pedestal and carefully stepped back from it so as not to shake or upset + it. The blinkers were adjusted again and he felt tranquillized, and + repeating his childhood’s prayer: ‘Lord, receive me, receive me!’ he felt + not merely at ease, but thrilled and joyful. He crossed himself and lay + down on the bedding on his narrow bench, tucking his summer cassock under + his head. He fell asleep at once, and in his light slumber he seemed to + hear the tinkling of sledge bells. He did not know whether he was dreaming + or awake, but a knock at the door aroused him. He sat up, distrusting his + senses, but the knock was repeated. Yes, it was a knock close at hand, at + his door, and with it the sound of a woman’s voice. + </p> + <p> + ‘My God! Can it be true, as I have read in the Lives of the Saints, that + the devil takes on the form of a woman? Yes—it is a woman’s voice. + And a tender, timid, pleasant voice. Phui!’ And he spat to exorcise the + devil. ‘No, it was only my imagination,’ he assured himself, and he went + to the corner where his lectern stood, falling on his knees in the regular + and habitual manner which of itself gave him consolation and satisfaction. + He sank down, his hair hanging over his face, and pressed his head, + already going bald in front, to the cold damp strip of drugget on the + draughty floor. He read the psalm old Father Pimon had told him warded off + temptation. He easily raised his light and emaciated body on his strong + sinewy legs and tried to continue saying his prayers, but instead of doing + so he involuntarily strained his hearing. He wished to hear more. All was + quiet. From the corner of the roof regular drops continued to fall into + the tub below. Outside was a mist and fog eating into the snow that lay on + the ground. It was still, very still. And suddenly there was a rustling at + the window and a voice—that same tender, timid voice, which could + only belong to an attractive woman—said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Let me in, for Christ’s sake!’ + </p> + <p> + It seemed as though his blood had all rushed to his heart and settled + there. He could hardly breathe. ‘Let God arise and let his enemies be + scattered...’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But I am not a devil!’ It was obvious that the lips that uttered this + were smiling. ‘I am not a devil, but only a sinful woman who has lost her + way, not figuratively but literally!’ She laughed. ‘I am frozen and beg + for shelter.’ + </p> + <p> + He pressed his face to the window, but the little icon-lamp was reflected + by it and shone on the whole pane. He put his hands to both sides of his + face and peered between them. Fog, mist, a tree, and—just opposite + him—she herself. Yes, there, a few inches from him, was the sweet, + kindly frightened face of a woman in a cap and a coat of long white fur, + leaning towards him. Their eyes met with instant recognition: not that + they had ever known one another, they had never met before, but by the + look they exchanged they—and he particularly—felt that they + knew and understood one another. After that glance to imagine her to be a + devil and not a simple, kindly, sweet, timid woman, was impossible. + </p> + <p> + ‘Who are you? Why have you come?’ he asked. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do please open the door!’ she replied, with capricious authority. ‘I am + frozen. I tell you I have lost my way.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But I am a monk—a hermit.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, do please open the door—or do you wish me to freeze under your + window while you say your prayers?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But how have you...’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I shan’t eat you. For God’s sake let me in! I am quite frozen.’ + </p> + <p> + She really did feel afraid, and said this in an almost tearful voice. + </p> + <p> + He stepped back from the window and looked at an icon of the Saviour in + His crown of thorns. ‘Lord, help me! Lord, help me!’ he exclaimed, + crossing himself and bowing low. Then he went to the door, and opening it + into the tiny porch, felt for the hook that fastened the outer door and + began to lift it. He heard steps outside. She was coming from the window + to the door. ‘Ah!’ she suddenly exclaimed, and he understood that she had + stepped into the puddle that the dripping from the roof had formed at the + threshold. His hands trembled, and he could not raise the hook of the + tightly closed door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, what are you doing? Let me in! I am all wet. I am frozen! You are + thinking about saving your soul and are letting me freeze to death...’ + </p> + <p> + He jerked the door towards him, raised the hook, and without considering + what he was doing, pushed it open with such force that it struck her. + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh—PARDON!’ he suddenly exclaimed, reverting completely to his old + manner with ladies. + </p> + <p> + She smiled on hearing that PARDON. ‘He is not quite so terrible, after + all,’ she thought. ‘It’s all right. It is you who must pardon me,’ she + said, stepping past him. ‘I should never have ventured, but such an + extraordinary circumstance...’ + </p> + <p> + ‘If you please!’ he uttered, and stood aside to let her pass him. A strong + smell of fine scent, which he had long not encountered, struck him. She + went through the little porch into the cell where he lived. He closed the + outer door without fastening the hook, and stepped in after her. + </p> + <p> + ‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner! Lord, have + mercy on me a sinner!’ he prayed unceasingly, not merely to himself but + involuntarily moving his lips. ‘If you please!’ he said to her again. She + stood in the middle of the room, moisture dripping from her to the floor + as she looked him over. Her eyes were laughing. + </p> + <p> + ‘Forgive me for having disturbed your solitude. But you see what a + position I am in. It all came about from our starting from town for a + sledge-drive, and my making a bet that I would walk back by myself from + the Vorobevka to the town. But then I lost my way, and if I had not + happened to come upon your cell...’ She began lying, but his face confused + her so that she could not continue, but became silent. She had not + expected him to be at all such as he was. He was not as handsome as she + had imagined, but was nevertheless beautiful in her eyes: his greyish hair + and beard, slightly curling, his fine, regular nose, and his eyes like + glowing coal when he looked at her, made a strong impression on her. + </p> + <p> + He saw that she was lying. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes... so,’ said he, looking at her and again lowering his eyes. ‘I will + go in there, and this place is at your disposal.’ + </p> + <p> + And taking down the little lamp, he lit a candle, and bowing low to her + went into the small cell beyond the partition, and she heard him begin to + move something about there. ‘Probably he is barricading himself in from + me!’ she thought with a smile, and throwing off her white dogskin cloak + she tried to take off her cap, which had become entangled in her hair and + in the woven kerchief she was wearing under it. She had not got at all wet + when standing under the window, and had said so only as a pretext to get + him to let her in. But she really had stepped into the puddle at the door, + and her left foot was wet up to the ankle and her overshoe full of water. + She sat down on his bed—a bench only covered by a bit of carpet—and + began to take off her boots. The little cell seemed to her charming. The + narrow little room, some seven feet by nine, was as clean as glass. There + was nothing in it but the bench on which she was sitting, the book-shelf + above it, and a lectern in the corner. A sheepskin coat and a cassock hung + on nails by the door. Above the lectern was the little lamp and an icon of + Christ in His crown of thorns. The room smelt strangely of perspiration + and of earth. It all pleased her—even that smell. Her wet feet, + especially one of them, were uncomfortable, and she quickly began to take + off her boots and stockings without ceasing to smile, pleased not so much + at having achieved her object as because she perceived that she had + abashed that charming, strange, striking, and attractive man. ‘He did not + respond, but what of that?’ she said to herself. + </p> + <p> + ‘Father Sergius! Father Sergius! Or how does one call you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What do you want?’ replied a quiet voice. + </p> + <p> + ‘Please forgive me for disturbing your solitude, but really I could not + help it. I should simply have fallen ill. And I don’t know that I shan’t + now. I am all wet and my feet are like ice.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pardon me,’ replied the quiet voice. ‘I cannot be of any assistance to + you.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I would not have disturbed you if I could have helped it. I am only here + till daybreak.’ + </p> + <p> + He did not reply and she heard him muttering something, probably his + prayers. + </p> + <p> + ‘You will not be coming in here?’ she asked, smiling. ‘For I must undress + to dry myself.’ + </p> + <p> + He did not reply, but continued to read his prayers. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, that is a man!’ thought she, getting her dripping boot off with + difficulty. She tugged at it, but could not get it off. The absurdity of + it struck her and she began to laugh almost inaudibly. But knowing that he + would hear her laughter and would be moved by it just as she wished him to + be, she laughed louder, and her laughter—gay, natural, and kindly—really + acted on him just in the way she wished. + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I could love a man like that—such eyes and such a simple noble + face, and passionate too despite all the prayers he mutters!’ thought she. + ‘You can’t deceive a woman in these things. As soon as he put his face to + the window and saw me, he understood and knew. The glimmer of it was in + his eyes and remained there. He began to love me and desired me. Yes—desired!’ + said she, getting her overshoe and her boot off at last and starting to + take off her stockings. To remove those long stockings fastened with + elastic it was necessary to raise her skirts. She felt embarrassed and + said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t come in!’ + </p> + <p> + But there was no reply from the other side of the wall. The steady + muttering continued and also a sound of moving. + </p> + <p> + ‘He is prostrating himself to the ground, no doubt,’ thought she. ‘But he + won’t bow himself out of it. He is thinking of me just as I am thinking of + him. He is thinking of these feet of mine with the same feeling that I + have!’ And she pulled off her wet stockings and put her feet up on the + bench, pressing them under her. She sat a while like that with her arms + round her knees and looking pensively before her. ‘But it is a desert, + here in this silence. No one would ever know....’ + </p> + <p> + She rose, took her stockings over to the stove, and hung them on the + damper. It was a queer damper, and she turned it about, and then, stepping + lightly on her bare feet, returned to the bench and sat down there again + with her feet up. + </p> + <p> + There was complete silence on the other side of the partition. She looked + at the tiny watch that hung round her neck. It was two o’clock. ‘Our party + should return about three!’ She had not more than an hour before her. + ‘Well, am I to sit like this all alone? What nonsense! I don’t want to. I + will call him at once.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Father Sergius, Father Sergius! Sergey Dmitrich! Prince Kasatsky!’ + </p> + <p> + Beyond the partition all was silent. + </p> + <p> + ‘Listen! This is cruel. I would not call you if it were not necessary. I + am ill. I don’t know what is the matter with me!’ she exclaimed in a tone + of suffering. ‘Oh! Oh!’ she groaned, falling back on the bench. And + strange to say she really felt that her strength was failing, that she was + becoming faint, that everything in her ached, and that she was shivering + with fever. + </p> + <p> + ‘Listen! Help me! I don’t know what is the matter with me. Oh! Oh!’ She + unfastened her dress, exposing her breast, and lifted her arms, bare to + the elbow. ‘Oh! Oh!’ + </p> + <p> + All this time he stood on the other side of the partition and prayed. + Having finished all the evening prayers, he now stood motionless, his eyes + looking at the end of his nose, and mentally repeated with all his soul: + ‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me!’ + </p> + <p> + But he had heard everything. He had heard how the silk rustled when she + took off her dress, how she stepped with bare feet on the floor, and had + heard how she rubbed her feet with her hand. He felt his own weakness, and + that he might be lost at any moment. That was why he prayed unceasingly. + He felt rather as the hero in the fairy-tale must have felt when he had to + go on and on without looking round. So Sergius heard and felt that danger + and destruction were there, hovering above and around him, and that he + could only save himself by not looking in that direction for an instant. + But suddenly the desire to look seized him. At the same instant she said: + </p> + <p> + ‘This is inhuman. I may die....’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, I will go to her, but like the Saint who laid one hand on the + adulteress and thrust his other into the brazier. But there is no brazier + here.’ He looked round. The lamp! He put his finger over the flame and + frowned, preparing himself to suffer. And for a rather long time, as it + seemed to him, there was no sensation, but suddenly—he had not yet + decided whether it was painful enough—he writhed all over, jerked + his hand away, and waved it in the air. ‘No, I can’t stand that!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘For God’s sake come to me! I am dying! Oh!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well—shall I perish? No, not so!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I will come to you directly,’ he said, and having opened his door, he + went without looking at her through the cell into the porch where he used + to chop wood. There he felt for the block and for an axe which leant + against the wall. + </p> + <p> + ‘Immediately!’ he said, and taking up the axe with his right hand he laid + the forefinger of his left hand on the block, swung the axe, and struck + with it below the second joint. The finger flew off more lightly than a + stick of similar thickness, and bounding up, turned over on the edge of + the block and then fell to the floor. + </p> + <p> + He heard it fall before he felt any pain, but before he had time to be + surprised he felt a burning pain and the warmth of flowing blood. He + hastily wrapped the stump in the skirt of his cassock, and pressing it to + his hip went back into the room, and standing in front of the woman, + lowered his eyes and asked in a low voice: ‘What do you want?’ + </p> + <p> + She looked at his pale face and his quivering left cheek, and suddenly + felt ashamed. She jumped up, seized her fur cloak, and throwing it round + her shoulders, wrapped herself up in it. + </p> + <p> + ‘I was in pain... I have caught cold... I... Father Sergius... I...’ + </p> + <p> + He let his eyes, shining with a quiet light of joy, rest upon her, and + said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Dear sister, why did you wish to ruin your immortal soul? Temptations + must come into the world, but woe to him by whom temptation comes. Pray + that God may forgive us!’ + </p> + <p> + She listened and looked at him. Suddenly she heard the sound of something + dripping. She looked down and saw that blood was flowing from his hand and + down his cassock. + </p> + <p> + ‘What have you done to your hand?’ She remembered the sound she had heard, + and seizing the little lamp ran out into the porch. There on the floor she + saw the bloody finger. She returned with her face paler than his and was + about to speak to him, but he silently passed into the back cell and + fastened the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘Forgive me!’ she said. ‘How can I atone for my sin?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go away.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Let me tie up your hand.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go away from here.’ + </p> + <p> + She dressed hurriedly and silently, and when ready sat waiting in her + furs. The sledge-bells were heard outside. + </p> + <p> + ‘Father Sergius, forgive me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go away. God will forgive.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Father Sergius! I will change my life. Do not forsake me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Go away.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Forgive me—and give me your blessing!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost!’—she + heard his voice from behind the partition. ‘Go!’ + </p> + <p> + She burst into sobs and left the cell. The lawyer came forward to meet + her. + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, I see I have lost the bet. It can’t be helped. Where will you sit?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It is all the same to me.’ + </p> + <p> + She took a seat in the sledge, and did not utter a word all the way home. + </p> + <p> + A year later she entered a convent as a novice, and lived a strict life + under the direction of the hermit Arseny, who wrote letters to her at long + intervals. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + IV + </h2> + <h3> + Father Sergius lived as a recluse for another seven years. + </h3> + <p> + At first he accepted much of what people brought him—tea, sugar, + white bread, milk, clothing, and fire-wood. But as time went on he led a + more and more austere life, refusing everything superfluous, and finally + he accepted nothing but rye-bread once a week. Everything else that was + brought to him he gave to the poor who came to him. He spent his entire + time in his cell, in prayer or in conversation with callers, who became + more and more numerous as time went on. Only three times a year did he go + out to church, and when necessary he went out to fetch water and wood. + </p> + <p> + The episode with Makovkina had occurred after five years of his hermit + life. That occurrence soon became generally known—her nocturnal + visit, the change she underwent, and her entry into a convent. From that + time Father Sergius’s fame increased. More and more visitors came to see + him, other monks settled down near his cell, and a church was erected + there and also a hostelry. His fame, as usual exaggerating his feats, + spread ever more and more widely. People began to come to him from a + distance, and began bringing invalids to him whom they declared he cured. + </p> + <p> + His first cure occurred in the eighth year of his life as a hermit. It was + the healing of a fourteen-year-old boy, whose mother brought him to Father + Sergius insisting that he should lay his hand on the child’s head. It had + never occurred to Father Sergius that he could cure the sick. He would + have regarded such a thought as a great sin of pride; but the mother who + brought the boy implored him insistently, falling at his feet and saying: + ‘Why do you, who heal others, refuse to help my son?’ She besought him in + Christ’s name. When Father Sergius assured her that only God could heal + the sick, she replied that she only wanted him to lay his hands on the boy + and pray for him. Father Sergius refused and returned to his cell. But + next day (it was in autumn and the nights were already cold) on going out + for water he saw the same mother with her son, a pale boy of fourteen, and + was met by the same petition. + </p> + <p> + He remembered the parable of the unjust judge, and though he had + previously felt sure that he ought to refuse, he now began to hesitate + and, having hesitated, took to prayer and prayed until a decision formed + itself in his soul. This decision was, that he ought to accede to the + woman’s request and that her faith might save her son. As for himself, he + would in this case be but an insignificant instrument chosen by God. + </p> + <p> + And going out to the mother he did what she asked—laid his hand on + the boy’s head and prayed. + </p> + <p> + The mother left with her son, and a month later the boy recovered, and the + fame of the holy healing power of the starets Sergius (as they now called + him) spread throughout the whole district. After that, not a week passed + without sick people coming, riding or on foot, to Father Sergius; and + having acceded to one petition he could not refuse others, and he laid his + hands on many and prayed. Many recovered, and his fame spread more and + more. + </p> + <p> + So seven years passed in the Monastery and thirteen in his hermit’s cell. + He now had the appearance of an old man: his beard was long and grey, but + his hair, though thin, was still black and curly. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + V + </h2> + <p> + For some weeks Father Sergius had been living with one persistent thought: + whether he was right in accepting the position in which he had not so much + placed himself as been placed by the Archimandrite and the Abbot. That + position had begun after the recovery of the fourteen-year-old boy. From + that time, with each month, week, and day that passed, Sergius felt his + own inner life wasting away and being replaced by external life. It was as + if he had been turned inside out. + </p> + <p> + Sergius saw that he was a means of attracting visitors and contributions + to the monastery, and that therefore the authorities arranged matters in + such a way as to make as much use of him as possible. For instance, they + rendered it impossible for him to do any manual work. He was supplied with + everything he could want, and they only demanded of him that he should not + refuse his blessing to those who came to seek it. For his convenience they + appointed days when he would receive. They arranged a reception-room for + men, and a place was railed in so that he should not be pushed over by the + crowds of women visitors, and so that he could conveniently bless those + who came. + </p> + <p> + They told him that people needed him, and that fulfilling Christ’s law of + love he could not refuse their demand to see him, and that to avoid them + would be cruel. He could not but agree with this, but the more he gave + himself up to such a life the more he felt that what was internal became + external, and that the fount of living water within him dried up, and that + what he did now was done more and more for men and less and less for God. + </p> + <p> + Whether he admonished people, or simply blessed them, or prayed for the + sick, or advised people about their lives, or listened to expressions of + gratitude from those he had helped by precepts, or alms, or healing (as + they assured him)—he could not help being pleased at it, and could + not be indifferent to the results of his activity and to the influence he + exerted. He thought himself a shining light, and the more he felt this the + more was he conscious of a weakening, a dying down of the divine light of + truth that shone within him. + </p> + <p> + ‘In how far is what I do for God and in how far is it for men?’ That was + the question that insistently tormented him and to which he was not so + much unable to give himself an answer as unable to face the answer. + </p> + <p> + In the depth of his soul he felt that the devil had substituted an + activity for men in place of his former activity for God. He felt this + because, just as it had formerly been hard for him to be torn from his + solitude so now that solitude itself was hard for him. He was oppressed + and wearied by visitors, but at the bottom of his heart he was glad of + their presence and glad of the praise they heaped upon him. + </p> + <p> + There was a time when he decided to go away and hide. He even planned all + that was necessary for that purpose. He prepared for himself a peasant’s + shirt, trousers, coat, and cap. He explained that he wanted these to give + to those who asked. And he kept these clothes in his cell, planning how he + would put them on, cut his hair short, and go away. First he would go some + three hundred versts by train, then he would leave the train and walk from + village to village. He asked an old man who had been a soldier how he + tramped: what people gave him, and what shelter they allowed him. The + soldier told him where people were most charitable, and where they would + take a wanderer in for the night, and Father Sergius intended to avail + himself of this information. He even put on those clothes one night in his + desire to go, but he could not decide what was best—to remain or to + escape. At first he was in doubt, but afterwards this indecision passed. + He submitted to custom and yielded to the devil, and only the peasant garb + reminded him of the thought and feeling he had had. + </p> + <p> + Every day more and more people flocked to him and less and less time was + left him for prayer and for renewing his spiritual strength. Sometimes in + lucid moments he thought he was like a place where there had once been a + spring. ‘There used to be a feeble spring of living water which flowed + quietly from me and through me. That was true life, the time when she + tempted me!’ (He always thought with ecstasy of that night and of her who + was now Mother Agnes.) She had tasted of that pure water, but since then + there had not been time for it to collect before thirsty people came + crowding in and pushing one another aside. And they had trampled + everything down and nothing was left but mud. + </p> + <p> + So he thought in rare moments of lucidity, but his usual state of mind was + one of weariness and a tender pity for himself because of that weariness. + </p> + <p> + It was in spring, on the eve of the mid-Pentecostal feast. Father Sergius + was officiating at the Vigil Service in his hermitage church, where the + congregation was as large as the little church could hold—about + twenty people. They were all well-to-do proprietors or merchants. Father + Sergius admitted anyone, but a selection was made by the monk in + attendance and by an assistant who was sent to the hermitage every day + from the monastery. A crowd of some eighty people—pilgrims and + peasants, and especially peasant-women—stood outside waiting for + Father Sergius to come out and bless them. Meanwhile he conducted the + service, but at the point at which he went out to the tomb of his + predecessor, he staggered and would have fallen had he not been caught by + a merchant standing behind him and by the monk acting as deacon. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is the matter, Father Sergius? Dear man! O Lord!’ exclaimed the + women. ‘He is as white as a sheet!’ + </p> + <p> + But Father Sergius recovered immediately, and though very pale, he waved + the merchant and the deacon aside and continued to chant the service. + </p> + <p> + Father Seraphim, the deacon, the acolytes, and Sofya Ivanovna, a lady who + always lived near the hermitage and tended Father Sergius, begged him to + bring the service to an end. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, there’s nothing the matter,’ said Father Sergius, slightly smiling + from beneath his moustache and continuing the service. ‘Yes, that is the + way the Saints behave!’ thought he. + </p> + <p> + ‘A holy man—an angel of God!’ he heard just then the voice of Sofya + Ivanovna behind him, and also of the merchant who had supported him. He + did not heed their entreaties, but went on with the service. Again + crowding together they all made their way by the narrow passages back into + the little church, and there, though abbreviating it slightly, Father + Sergius completed vespers. + </p> + <p> + Immediately after the service Father Sergius, having pronounced the + benediction on those present, went over to the bench under the elm tree at + the entrance to the cave. He wished to rest and breathe the fresh air—he + felt in need of it. But as soon as he left the church the crowd of people + rushed to him soliciting his blessing, his advice, and his help. There + were pilgrims who constantly tramped from one holy place to another and + from one starets to another, and were always entranced by every shrine and + every starets. Father Sergius knew this common, cold, conventional, and + most irreligious type. There were pilgrims, for the most part discharged + soldiers, unaccustomed to a settled life, poverty-stricken, and many of + them drunken old men, who tramped from monastery to monastery merely to be + fed. And there were rough peasants and peasant-women who had come with + their selfish requirements, seeking cures or to have doubts about quite + practical affairs solved for them: about marrying off a daughter, or + hiring a shop, or buying a bit of land, or how to atone for having + overlaid a child or having an illegitimate one. + </p> + <p> + All this was an old story and not in the least interesting to him. He knew + he would hear nothing new from these folk, that they would arouse no + religious emotion in him; but he liked to see the crowd to which his + blessing and advice was necessary and precious, so while that crowd + oppressed him it also pleased him. Father Seraphim began to drive them + away, saying that Father Sergius was tired. + </p> + <p> + But Father Sergius, remembering the words of the Gospel: ‘Forbid them’ + (children) ‘not to come unto me,’ and feeling tenderly towards himself at + this recollection, said they should be allowed to approach. + </p> + <p> + He rose, went to the railing beyond which the crowd had gathered, and + began blessing them and answering their questions, but in a voice so weak + that he was touched with pity for himself. Yet despite his wish to receive + them all he could not do it. Things again grew dark before his eyes, and + he staggered and grasped the railings. He felt a rush of blood to his head + and first went pale and then suddenly flushed. + </p> + <p> + ‘I must leave the rest till to-morrow. I cannot do more to-day,’ and, + pronouncing a general benediction, he returned to the bench. The merchant + again supported him, and leading him by the arm helped him to be seated. + </p> + <p> + ‘Father!’ came voices from the crowd. ‘Dear Father! Do not forsake us. + Without you we are lost!’ + </p> + <p> + The merchant, having seated Father Sergius on the bench under the elm, + took on himself police duties and drove the people off very resolutely. It + is true that he spoke in a low voice so that Father Sergius might not hear + him, but his words were incisive and angry. + </p> + <p> + ‘Be off, be off! He has blessed you, and what more do you want? Get along + with you, or I’ll wring your necks! Move on there! Get along, you old + woman with your dirty leg-bands! Go, go! Where are you shoving to? You’ve + been told that it is finished. To-morrow will be as God wills, but for + to-day he has finished!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Father! Only let my eyes have a glimpse of his dear face!’ said an old + woman. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’ll glimpse you! Where are you shoving to?’ + </p> + <p> + Father Sergius noticed that the merchant seemed to be acting roughly, and + in a feeble voice told the attendant that the people should not be driven + away. He knew that they would be driven away all the same, and he much + desired to be left alone and to rest, but he sent the attendant with that + message to produce an impression. + </p> + <p> + ‘All right, all right! I am not driving them away. I am only remonstrating + with them,’ replied the merchant. ‘You know they wouldn’t hesitate to + drive a man to death. They have no pity, they only consider themselves.... + You’ve been told you cannot see him. Go away! To-morrow!’ And he got rid + of them all. + </p> + <p> + He took all these pains because he liked order and liked to domineer and + drive the people away, but chiefly because he wanted to have Father + Sergius to himself. He was a widower with an only daughter who was an + invalid and unmarried, and whom he had brought fourteen hundred versts to + Father Sergius to be healed. For two years past he had been taking her to + different places to be cured: first to the university clinic in the chief + town of the province, but that did no good; then to a peasant in the + province of Samara, where she got a little better; then to a doctor in + Moscow to whom he paid much money, but this did no good at all. Now he had + been told that Father Sergius wrought cures, and had brought her to him. + So when all the people had been driven away he approached Father Sergius, + and suddenly falling on his knees loudly exclaimed: + </p> + <p> + ‘Holy Father! Bless my afflicted offspring that she may be healed of her + malady. I venture to prostrate myself at your holy feet.’ + </p> + <p> + And he placed one hand on the other, cup-wise. He said and did all this as + if he were doing something clearly and firmly appointed by law and usage—as + if one must and should ask for a daughter to be cured in just this way and + no other. He did it with such conviction that it seemed even to Father + Sergius that it should be said and done in just that way, but nevertheless + he bade him rise and tell him what the trouble was. The merchant said that + his daughter, a girl of twenty-two, had fallen ill two years ago, after + her mother’s sudden death. She had moaned (as he expressed it) and since + then had not been herself. And now he had brought her fourteen hundred + versts and she was waiting in the hostelry till Father Sergius should give + orders to bring her. She did not go out during the day, being afraid of + the light, and could only come after sunset. + </p> + <p> + ‘Is she very weak?’ asked Father Sergius. + </p> + <p> + ‘No, she has no particular weakness. She is quite plump, and is only + “nerastenic” the doctors say. If you will only let me bring her this + evening, Father Sergius, I’ll fly like a spirit to fetch her. Holy Father! + Revive a parent’s heart, restore his line, save his afflicted daughter by + your prayers!’ And the merchant again threw himself on his knees and + bending sideways, with his head resting on his clenched fists, remained + stock still. Father Sergius again told him to get up, and thinking how + heavy his activities were and how he went through with them patiently + notwithstanding, he sighed heavily and after a few seconds of silence, + said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, bring her this evening. I will pray for her, but now I am + tired....’ and he closed his eyes. ‘I will send for you.’ + </p> + <p> + The merchant went away, stepping on tiptoe, which only made his boots + creak the louder, and Father Sergius remained alone. + </p> + <p> + His whole life was filled by Church services and by people who came to see + him, but to-day had been a particularly difficult one. In the morning an + important official had arrived and had had a long conversation with him; + after that a lady had come with her son. This son was a sceptical young + professor whom the mother, an ardent believer and devoted to Father + Sergius, had brought that he might talk to him. The conversation had been + very trying. The young man, evidently not wishing to have a controversy + with a monk, had agreed with him in everything as with someone who was + mentally inferior. Father Sergius saw that the young man did not believe + but yet was satisfied, tranquil, and at ease, and the memory of that + conversation now disquieted him. + </p> + <p> + ‘Have something to eat, Father,’ said the attendant. + </p> + <p> + ‘All right, bring me something.’ + </p> + <p> + The attendant went to a hut that had been arranged some ten paces from the + cave, and Father Sergius remained alone. + </p> + <p> + The time was long past when he had lived alone doing everything for + himself and eating only rye-bread, or rolls prepared for the Church. He + had been advised long since that he had no right to neglect his health, + and he was given wholesome, though Lenten, food. He ate sparingly, though + much more than he had done, and often he ate with much pleasure, and not + as formerly with aversion and a sense of guilt. So it was now. He had some + gruel, drank a cup of tea, and ate half a white roll. + </p> + <p> + The attendant went away, and Father Sergius remained alone under the elm + tree. + </p> + <p> + It was a wonderful May evening, when the birches, aspens, elms, wild + cherries, and oaks, had just burst into foliage. + </p> + <p> + The bush of wild cherries behind the elm tree was in full bloom and had + not yet begun to shed its blossoms, and the nightingales—one quite + near at hand and two or three others in the bushes down by the river—burst + into full song after some preliminary twitters. From the river came the + far-off songs of peasants returning, no doubt, from their work. The sun + was setting behind the forest, its last rays glowing through the leaves. + All that side was brilliant green, the other side with the elm tree was + dark. The cockchafers flew clumsily about, falling to the ground when they + collided with anything. + </p> + <p> + After supper Father Sergius began to repeat a silent prayer: ‘O Lord Jesus + Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon us!’ and then he read a psalm, and + suddenly in the middle of the psalm a sparrow flew out from the bush, + alighted on the ground, and hopped towards him chirping as it came, but + then it took fright at something and flew away. He said a prayer which + referred to his abandonment of the world, and hastened to finish it in + order to send for the merchant with the sick daughter. She interested him + in that she presented a distraction, and because both she and her father + considered him a saint whose prayers were efficacious. Outwardly he + disavowed that idea, but in the depths of his soul he considered it to be + true. + </p> + <p> + He was often amazed that this had happened, that he, Stepan Kasatsky, had + come to be such an extraordinary saint and even a worker of miracles, but + of the fact that he was such there could not be the least doubt. He could + not fail to believe in the miracles he himself witnessed, beginning with + the sick boy and ending with the old woman who had recovered her sight + when he had prayed for her. + </p> + <p> + Strange as it might be, it was so. Accordingly the merchant’s daughter + interested him as a new individual who had faith in him, and also as a + fresh opportunity to confirm his healing powers and enhance his fame. + ‘They bring people a thousand versts and write about it in the papers. The + Emperor knows of it, and they know of it in Europe, in unbelieving Europe’—thought + he. And suddenly he felt ashamed of his vanity and again began to pray. + ‘Lord, King of Heaven, Comforter, Soul of Truth! Come and enter into me + and cleanse me from all sin and save and bless my soul. Cleanse me from + the sin of worldly vanity that troubles me!’ he repeated, and he + remembered how often he had prayed about this and how vain till now his + prayers had been in that respect. His prayers worked miracles for others, + but in his own case God had not granted him liberation from this petty + passion. + </p> + <p> + He remembered his prayers at the commencement of his life at the + hermitage, when he prayed for purity, humility, and love, and how it + seemed to him then that God heard his prayers. He had retained his purity + and had chopped off his finger. And he lifted the shrivelled stump of that + finger to his lips and kissed it. It seemed to him now that he had been + humble then when he had always seemed loathsome to himself on account of + his sinfulness; and when he remembered the tender feelings with which he + had then met an old man who was bringing a drunken soldier to him to ask + alms; and how he had received HER, it seemed to him that he had then + possessed love also. But now? And he asked himself whether he loved + anyone, whether he loved Sofya Ivanovna, or Father Seraphim, whether he + had any feeling of love for all who had come to him that day—for + that learned young man with whom he had had that instructive discussion in + which he was concerned only to show off his own intelligence and that he + had not lagged behind the times in knowledge. He wanted and needed their + love, but felt none towards them. He now had neither love nor humility nor + purity. + </p> + <p> + He was pleased to know that the merchant’s daughter was twenty-two, and he + wondered whether she was good-looking. When he inquired whether she was + weak, he really wanted to know if she had feminine charm. + </p> + <p> + ‘Can I have fallen so low?’ he thought. ‘Lord, help me! Restore me, my + Lord and God!’ And he clasped his hands and began to pray. + </p> + <p> + The nightingales burst into song, a cockchafer knocked against him and + crept up the back of his neck. He brushed it off. ‘But does He exist? What + if I am knocking at a door fastened from outside? The bar is on the door + for all to see. Nature—the nightingales and the cockchafers—is + that bar. Perhaps the young man was right.’ And he began to pray aloud. He + prayed for a long time till these thoughts vanished and he again felt calm + and confident. He rang the bell and told the attendant to say that the + merchant might bring his daughter to him now. + </p> + <p> + The merchant came, leading his daughter by the arm. He led her into the + cell and immediately left her. + </p> + <p> + She was a very fair girl, plump and very short, with a pale, frightened, + childish face and a much developed feminine figure. Father Sergius + remained seated on the bench at the entrance and when she was passing and + stopped beside him for his blessing he was aghast at himself for the way + he looked at her figure. As she passed by him he was acutely conscious of + her femininity, though he saw by her face that she was sensual and + feeble-minded. He rose and went into the cell. She was sitting on a stool + waiting for him, and when he entered she rose. + </p> + <p> + ‘I want to go back to Papa,’ she said. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t be afraid,’ he replied. ‘What are you suffering from?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I am in pain all over,’ she said, and suddenly her face lit up with a + smile. + </p> + <p> + ‘You will be well,’ said he. ‘Pray!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What is the use of praying? I have prayed and it does no good’—and + she continued to smile. ‘I want you to pray for me and lay your hands on + me. I saw you in a dream.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How did you see me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I saw you put your hands on my breast like that.’ She took his hand and + pressed it to her breast. ‘Just here.’ + </p> + <p> + He yielded his right hand to her. + </p> + <p> + ‘What is your name?’ he asked, trembling all over and feeling that he was + overcome and that his desire had already passed beyond control. + </p> + <p> + ‘Marie. Why?’ + </p> + <p> + She took his hand and kissed it, and then put her arm round his waist and + pressed him to herself. + </p> + <p> + ‘What are you doing?’ he said. ‘Marie, you are a devil!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, perhaps. What does it matter?’ + </p> + <p> + And embracing him she sat down with him on the bed. + </p> + <p> + At dawn he went out into the porch. + </p> + <p> + ‘Can this all have happened? Her father will come and she will tell him + everything. She is a devil! What am I to do? Here is the axe with which I + chopped off my finger.’ He snatched up the axe and moved back towards the + cell. + </p> + <p> + The attendant came up. + </p> + <p> + ‘Do you want some wood chopped? Let me have the axe.’ + </p> + <p> + Sergius yielded up the axe and entered the cell. She was lying there + asleep. He looked at her with horror, and passed on beyond the partition, + where he took down the peasant clothes and put them on. Then he seized a + pair of scissors, cut off his long hair, and went out along the path down + the hill to the river, where he had not been for more than three years. + </p> + <p> + A road ran beside the river and he went along it and walked till noon. + Then he went into a field of rye and lay down there. Towards evening he + approached a village, but without entering it went towards the cliff that + overhung the river. There he again lay down to rest. + </p> + <p> + It was early morning, half an hour before sunrise. All was damp and gloomy + and a cold early wind was blowing from the west. ‘Yes, I must end it all. + There is no God. But how am I to end it? Throw myself into the river? I + can swim and should not drown. Hang myself? Yes, just throw this sash over + a branch.’ This seemed so feasible and so easy that he felt horrified. As + usual at moments of despair he felt the need of prayer. But there was no + one to pray to. There was no God. He lay down resting on his arm, and + suddenly such a longing for sleep overcame him that he could no longer + support his head on his hand, but stretched out his arm, laid his head + upon it, and fell asleep. But that sleep lasted only for a moment. He woke + up immediately and began not to dream but to remember. + </p> + <p> + He saw himself as a child in his mother’s home in the country. A carriage + drives up, and out of it steps Uncle Nicholas Sergeevich, with his long, + spade-shaped, black beard, and with him Pashenka, a thin little girl with + large mild eyes and a timid pathetic face. And into their company of boys + Pashenka is brought and they have to play with her, but it is dull. She is + silly, and it ends by their making fun of her and forcing her to show how + she can swim. She lies down on the floor and shows them, and they all + laugh and make a fool of her. She sees this and blushes red in patches and + becomes more pitiable than before, so pitiable that he feels ashamed and + can never forget that crooked, kindly, submissive smile. And Sergius + remembered having seen her since then. Long after, just before he became a + monk, she had married a landowner who squandered all her fortune and was + in the habit of beating her. She had had two children, a son and a + daughter, but the son had died while still young. And Sergius remembered + having seen her very wretched. Then again he had seen her in the monastery + when she was a widow. She had been still the same, not exactly stupid, but + insipid, insignificant, and pitiable. She had come with her daughter and + her daughter’s fiance. They were already poor at that time and later on he + had heard that she was living in a small provincial town and was very + poor. + </p> + <p> + ‘Why am I thinking about her?’ he asked himself, but he could not cease + doing so. ‘Where is she? How is she getting on? Is she still as unhappy as + she was then when she had to show us how to swim on the floor? But why + should I think about her? What am I doing? I must put an end to myself.’ + </p> + <p> + And again he felt afraid, and again, to escape from that thought, he went + on thinking about Pashenka. + </p> + <p> + So he lay for a long time, thinking now of his unavoidable end and now of + Pashenka. She presented herself to him as a means of salvation. At last he + fell asleep, and in his sleep he saw an angel who came to him and said: + ‘Go to Pashenka and learn from her what you have to do, what your sin is, + and wherein lies your salvation.’ + </p> + <p> + He awoke, and having decided that this was a vision sent by God, he felt + glad, and resolved to do what had been told him in the vision. He knew the + town where she lived. It was some three hundred versts (two hundred miles) + away, and he set out to walk there. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VI + </h2> + <p> + Pashenka had already long ceased to be Pashenka and had become old, + withered, wrinkled Praskovya Mikhaylovna, mother-in-law of that failure, + the drunken official Mavrikyev. She was living in the country town where + he had had his last appointment, and there she was supporting the family: + her daughter, her ailing neurasthenic son-in-law, and her five + grandchildren. She did this by giving music lessons to tradesmen’s + daughters, giving four and sometimes five lessons a day of an hour each, + and earning in this way some sixty rubles (6 pounds) a month. So they + lived for the present, in expectation of another appointment. She had sent + letters to all her relations and acquaintances asking them to obtain a + post for her son-in-law, and among the rest she had written to Sergius, + but that letter had not reached him. + </p> + <p> + It was a Saturday, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was herself mixing dough for + currant bread such as the serf-cook on her father’s estate used to make so + well. She wished to give her grandchildren a treat on the Sunday. + </p> + <p> + Masha, her daughter, was nursing her youngest child, the eldest boy and + girl were at school, and her son-in-law was asleep, not having slept + during the night. Praskovya Mikhaylovna had remained awake too for a great + part of the night, trying to soften her daughter’s anger against her + husband. + </p> + <p> + She saw that it was impossible for her son-in-law, a weak creature, to be + other than he was, and realized that his wife’s reproaches could do no + good—so she used all her efforts to soften those reproaches and to + avoid recrimination and anger. Unkindly relations between people caused + her actual physical suffering. It was so clear to her that bitter feelings + do not make anything better, but only make everything worse. She did not + in fact think about this: she simply suffered at the sight of anger as she + would from a bad smell, a harsh noise, or from blows on her body. + </p> + <p> + She had—with a feeling of self-satisfaction—just taught + Lukerya how to mix the dough, when her six-year-old grandson Misha, + wearing an apron and with darned stockings on his crooked little legs, ran + into the kitchen with a frightened face. + </p> + <p> + ‘Grandma, a dreadful old man wants to see you.’ + </p> + <p> + Lukerya looked out at the door. + </p> + <p> + ‘There is a pilgrim of some kind, a man...’ + </p> + <p> + Praskovya Mikhaylovna rubbed her thin elbows against one another, wiped + her hands on her apron and went upstairs to get a five-kopek piece [about + a penny] out of her purse for him, but remembering that she had nothing + less than a ten-kopek piece she decided to give him some bread instead. + She returned to the cupboard, but suddenly blushed at the thought of + having grudged the ten-kopek piece, and telling Lukerya to cut a slice of + bread, went upstairs again to fetch it. ‘It serves you right,’ she said to + herself. ‘You must now give twice over.’ + </p> + <p> + She gave both the bread and the money to the pilgrim, and when doing so—far + from being proud of her generosity—she excused herself for giving so + little. The man had such an imposing appearance. + </p> + <p> + Though he had tramped two hundred versts as a beggar, though he was + tattered and had grown thin and weatherbeaten, though he had cropped his + long hair and was wearing a peasant’s cap and boots, and though he bowed + very humbly, Sergius still had the impressive appearance that made him so + attractive. But Praskovya Mikhaylovna did not recognize him. She could + hardly do so, not having seen him for almost twenty years. + </p> + <p> + ‘Don’t think ill of me, Father. Perhaps you want something to eat?’ + </p> + <p> + He took the bread and the money, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was surprised + that he did not go, but stood looking at her. + </p> + <p> + ‘Pashenka, I have come to you! Take me in...’ + </p> + <p> + His beautiful black eyes, shining with the tears that started in them, + were fixed on her with imploring insistence. And under his greyish + moustache his lips quivered piteously. + </p> + <p> + Praskovya Mikhaylovna pressed her hands to her withered breast, opened her + mouth, and stood petrified, staring at the pilgrim with dilated eyes. + </p> + <p> + ‘It can’t be! Stepa! Sergey! Father Sergius!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, it is I,’ said Sergius in a low voice. ‘Only not Sergius, or Father + Sergius, but a great sinner, Stepan Kasatsky—a great and lost + sinner. Take me in and help me!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It’s impossible! How have you so humbled yourself? But come in.’ + </p> + <p> + She reached out her hand, but he did not take it and only followed her in. + </p> + <p> + But where was she to take him? The lodging was a small one. Formerly she + had had a tiny room, almost a closet, for herself, but later she had given + it up to her daughter, and Masha was now sitting there rocking the baby. + </p> + <p> + ‘Sit here for the present,’ she said to Sergius, pointing to a bench in + the kitchen. + </p> + <p> + He sat down at once, and with an evidently accustomed movement slipped the + straps of his wallet first off one shoulder and then off the other. + </p> + <p> + ‘My God, my God! How you have humbled yourself, Father! Such great fame, + and now like this...’ + </p> + <p> + Sergius did not reply, but only smiled meekly, placing his wallet under + the bench on which he sat. + </p> + <p> + ‘Masha, do you know who this is?’—And in a whisper Praskovya + Mikhaylovna told her daughter who he was, and together they then carried + the bed and the cradle out of the tiny room and cleared it for Sergius. + </p> + <p> + Praskovya Mikhaylovna led him into it. + </p> + <p> + ‘Here you can rest. Don’t take offence... but I must go out.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Where to?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I have to go to a lesson. I am ashamed to tell you, but I teach music!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Music? But that is good. Only just one thing, Praskovya Mikhaylovna, I + have come to you with a definite object. When can I have a talk with you?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I shall be very glad. Will this evening do?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes. But one thing more. Don’t speak about me, or say who I am. I have + revealed myself only to you. No one knows where I have gone to. It must be + so.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, but I have told my daughter.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, ask her not to mention it.’ + </p> + <p> + And Sergius took off his boots, lay down, and at once fell asleep after a + sleepless night and a walk of nearly thirty miles. + </p> + <p> + When Praskovya Mikhaylovna returned, Sergius was sitting in the little + room waiting for her. He did not come out for dinner, but had some soup + and gruel which Lukerya brought him. + </p> + <p> + ‘How is it that you have come back earlier than you said?’ asked Sergius. + ‘Can I speak to you now?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How is it that I have the happiness to receive such a guest? I have + missed one of my lessons. That can wait... I had always been planning to + go to see you. I wrote to you, and now this good fortune has come.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Pashenka, please listen to what I am going to tell you as to a confession + made to God at my last hour. Pashenka, I am not a holy man, I am not even + as good as a simple ordinary man; I am a loathsome, vile, and proud sinner + who has gone astray, and who, if not worse than everyone else, is at least + worse than most very bad people.’ + </p> + <p> + Pashenka looked at him at first with staring eyes. But she believed what + he said, and when she had quite grasped it she touched his hand, smiling + pityingly, and said: + </p> + <p> + ‘Perhaps you exaggerate, Stiva?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, Pashenka. I am an adulterer, a murderer, a blasphemer, and a + deceiver.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘My God! How is that?’ exclaimed Praskovya Mikhaylovna. + </p> + <p> + ‘But I must go on living. And I, who thought I knew everything, who taught + others how to live—I know nothing and ask you to teach me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What are you saying, Stiva? You are laughing at me. Why do you always + make fun of me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, if you think I am jesting you must have it as you please. But tell + me all the same how you live, and how you have lived your life.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I? I have lived a very nasty, horrible life, and now God is punishing me + as I deserve. I live so wretchedly, so wretchedly...’ + </p> + <p> + ‘How was it with your marriage? How did you live with your husband?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘It was all bad. I married because I fell in love in the nastiest way. + Papa did not approve. But I would not listen to anything and just got + married. Then instead of helping my husband I tormented him by my + jealousy, which I could not restrain.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I heard that he drank...’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, but I did not give him any peace. I always reproached him, though + you know it is a disease! He could not refrain from it. I now remember how + I tried to prevent his having it, and the frightful scenes we had!’ + </p> + <p> + And she looked at Kasatsky with beautiful eyes, suffering from the + remembrance. + </p> + <p> + Kasatsky remembered how he had been told that Pashenka’s husband used to + beat her, and now, looking at her thin withered neck with prominent veins + behind her ears, and her scanty coil of hair, half grey half auburn, he + seemed to see just how it had occurred. + </p> + <p> + ‘Then I was left with two children and no means at all.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But you had an estate!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, we sold that while Vasya was still alive, and the money was all + spent. We had to live, and like all our young ladies I did not know how to + earn anything. I was particularly useless and helpless. So we spent all we + had. I taught the children and improved my own education a little. And + then Mitya fell ill when he was already in the fourth form, and God took + him. Masha fell in love with Vanya, my son-in-law. And—well, he is + well-meaning but unfortunate. He is ill.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Mamma!’—her daughter’s voice interrupted her—‘Take Mitya! I + can’t be in two places at once.’ + </p> + <p> + Praskovya Mikhaylovna shuddered, but rose and went out of the room, + stepping quickly in her patched shoes. She soon came back with a boy of + two in her arms, who threw himself backwards and grabbed at her shawl with + his little hands. + </p> + <p> + ‘Where was I? Oh yes, he had a good appointment here, and his chief was a + kind man too. But Vanya could not go on, and had to give up his position.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘What is the matter with him?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Neurasthenia—it is a dreadful complaint. We consulted a doctor, who + told us he ought to go away, but we had no means.... I always hope it will + pass of itself. He has no particular pain, but...’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Lukerya!’ cried an angry and feeble voice. ‘She is always sent away when + I want her. Mamma...’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m coming!’ Praskovya Mikhaylovna again interrupted herself. ‘He has not + had his dinner yet. He can’t eat with us.’ + </p> + <p> + She went out and arranged something, and came back wiping her thin dark + hands. + </p> + <p> + ‘So that is how I live. I always complain and am always dissatisfied, but + thank God the grandchildren are all nice and healthy, and we can still + live. But why talk about me?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But what do you live on?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well, I earn a little. How I used to dislike music, but how useful it is + to me now!’ Her small hand lay on the chest of drawers beside which she + was sitting, and she drummed an exercise with her thin fingers. + </p> + <p> + ‘How much do you get for a lesson?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Sometimes a ruble, sometimes fifty kopeks, or sometimes thirty. They are + all so kind to me.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And do your pupils get on well?’ asked Kasatsky with a slight smile. + </p> + <p> + Praskovya Mikhaylovna did not at first believe that he was asking + seriously, and looked inquiringly into his eyes. + </p> + <p> + ‘Some of them do. One of them is a splendid girl—the butcher’s + daughter—such a good kind girl! If I were a clever woman I ought, of + course, with the connexions Papa had, to be able to get an appointment for + my son-in-law. But as it is I have not been able to do anything, and have + brought them all to this—as you see.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, yes,’ said Kasatsky, lowering his head. ‘And how is it, Pashenka—do + you take part in Church life?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Oh, don’t speak of it. I am so bad that way, and have neglected it so! I + keep the fasts with the children and sometimes go to church, and then + again sometimes I don’t go for months. I only send the children.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘But why don’t you go yourself?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘To tell the truth’ (she blushed) ‘I am ashamed, for my daughter’s sake + and the children’s, to go there in tattered clothes, and I haven’t + anything else. Besides, I am just lazy.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘And do you pray at home?’ + </p> + <p> + ‘I do. But what sort of prayer is it? Only mechanical. I know it should + not be like that, but I lack real religious feeling. The only thing is + that I know how bad I am...’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Yes, yes, that’s right!’ said Kasatsky, as if approvingly. + </p> + <p> + ‘I’m coming! I’m coming!’ she replied to a call from her son-in-law, and + tidying her scanty plait she left the room. + </p> + <p> + But this time it was long before she returned. When she came back, + Kasatsky was sitting in the same position, his elbows resting on his knees + and his head bowed. But his wallet was strapped on his back. + </p> + <p> + When she came in, carrying a small tin lamp without a shade, he raised his + fine weary eyes and sighed very deeply. + </p> + <p> + ‘I did not tell them who you are,’ she began timidly. ‘I only said that + you are a pilgrim, a nobleman, and that I used to know you. Come into the + dining-room for tea.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No...’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Well then, I’ll bring some to you here.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘No, I don’t want anything. God bless you, Pashenka! I am going now. If + you pity me, don’t tell anyone that you have seen me. For the love of God + don’t tell anyone. Thank you. I would bow to your feet but I know it would + make you feel awkward. Thank you, and forgive me for Christ’s sake!’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Give me your blessing.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘God bless you! Forgive me for Christ’s sake!’ + </p> + <p> + He rose, but she would not let him go until she had given him bread and + butter and rusks. He took it all and went away. + </p> + <p> + It was dark, and before he had passed the second house he was lost to + sight. She only knew he was there because the dog at the priest’s house + was barking. + </p> + <p> + ‘So that is what my dream meant! Pashenka is what I ought to have been but + failed to be. I lived for men on the pretext of living for God, while she + lived for God imagining that she lives for men. Yes, one good deed—a + cup of water given without thought of reward—is worth more than any + benefit I imagined I was bestowing on people. But after all was there not + some share of sincere desire to serve God?’ he asked himself, and the + answer was: ‘Yes, there was, but it was all soiled and overgrown by desire + for human praise. Yes, there is no God for the man who lives, as I did, + for human praise. I will now seek Him!’ + </p> + <p> + And he walked from village to village as he had done on his way to + Pashenka, meeting and parting from other pilgrims, men and women, and + asking for bread and a night’s rest in Christ’s name. Occasionally some + angry housewife scolded him, or a drunken peasant reviled him, but for the + most part he was given food and drink and even something to take with him. + His noble bearing disposed some people in his favour, while others on the + contrary seemed pleased at the sight of a gentleman who had come to + beggary. + </p> + <p> + But his gentleness prevailed with everyone. + </p> + <p> + Often, finding a copy of the Gospels in a hut he would read it aloud, and + when they heard him the people were always touched and surprised, as at + something new yet familiar. + </p> + <p> + When he succeeded in helping people, either by advice, or by his knowledge + of reading and writing, or by settling some quarrel, he did not wait to + see their gratitude but went away directly afterwards. And little by + little God began to reveal Himself within him. + </p> + <p> + Once he was walking along with two old women and a soldier. They were + stopped by a party consisting of a lady and gentleman in a gig and another + lady and gentleman on horseback. The husband was on horseback with his + daughter, while in the gig his wife was driving with a Frenchman, + evidently a traveller. + </p> + <p> + The party stopped to let the Frenchman see the pilgrims who, in accord + with a popular Russian superstition, tramped about from place to place + instead of working. + </p> + <p> + They spoke French, thinking that the others would not understand them. + </p> + <p> + ‘Demandez-leur,’ said the Frenchman, ‘s’ils sont bien sur de ce que leur + pelerinage est agreable a Dieu.’ + </p> + <p> + The question was asked, and one old woman replied: + </p> + <p> + ‘As God takes it. Our feet have reached the holy places, but our hearts + may not have done so.’ + </p> + <p> + They asked the soldier. He said that he was alone in the world and had + nowhere else to go. + </p> + <p> + They asked Kasatsky who he was. + </p> + <p> + ‘A servant of God.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Qu’est-ce qu’il dit? Il ne repond pas.’ + </p> + <p> + ‘Il dit qu’il est un serviteur de Dieu. Cela doit etre un fils de preetre. + Il a de la race. Avez-vous de la petite monnaie?’ + </p> + <p> + The Frenchman found some small change and gave twenty kopeks to each of + the pilgrims. + </p> + <p> + ‘Mais dites-leur que ce n’est pas pour les cierges que je leur donne, mais + pour qu’ils se regalent de the. Chay, chay pour vous, mon vieux!’ he said + with a smile. And he patted Kasatsky on the shoulder with his gloved hand. + </p> + <p> + ‘May Christ bless you,’ replied Kasatsky without replacing his cap and + bowing his bald head. + </p> + <p> + He rejoiced particularly at this meeting, because he had disregarded the + opinion of men and had done the simplest, easiest thing—humbly + accepted twenty kopeks and given them to his comrade, a blind beggar. The + less importance he attached to the opinion of men the more did he feel the + presence of God within him. + </p> + <p> + For eight months Kasatsky tramped on in this manner, and in the ninth + month he was arrested for not having a passport. This happened at a + night-refuge in a provincial town where he had passed the night with some + pilgrims. He was taken to the police-station, and when asked who he was + and where was his passport, he replied that he had no passport and that he + was a servant of God. He was classed as a tramp, sentenced, and sent to + live in Siberia. + </p> + <p> + In Siberia he has settled down as the hired man of a well-to-do peasant, + in which capacity he works in the kitchen-garden, teaches children, and + attends to the sick. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Father Sergius, by Leo Tolstoy + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FATHER SERGIUS *** + +***** This file should be named 985-h.htm or 985-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/9/8/985/ + +Produced by Judith Boss, and David Widger + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Father Sergius + +Author: Leo Tolstoy + +Translator: Louise and Aylmer Maude + +Release Date: July, 1997 [Etext #985] +Posting Date: July 9, 2009 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FATHER SERGIUS *** + + + + +Produced by Judith Boss + + + + + + + + + +FATHER SERGIUS + +By Leo Tolstoy + + + + +I + +In Petersburg in the eighteen-forties a surprising event occurred. An +officer of the Cuirassier Life Guards, a handsome prince who everyone +predicted would become aide-de-camp to the Emperor Nicholas I and have +a brilliant career, left the service, broke off his engagement to a +beautiful maid of honour, a favourite of the Empress's, gave his small +estate to his sister, and retired to a monastery to become a monk. + +This event appeared extraordinary and inexplicable to those who did not +know his inner motives, but for Prince Stepan Kasatsky himself it all +occurred so naturally that he could not imagine how he could have acted +otherwise. + +His father, a retired colonel of the Guards, had died when Stepan was +twelve, and sorry as his mother was to part from her son, she entered +him at the Military College as her deceased husband had intended. + +The widow herself, with her daughter, Varvara, moved to Petersburg to be +near her son and have him with her for the holidays. + +The boy was distinguished both by his brilliant ability and by his +immense self-esteem. He was first both in his studies--especially in +mathematics, of which he was particularly fond--and also in drill and in +riding. Though of more than average height, he was handsome and agile, +and he would have been an altogether exemplary cadet had it not been for +his quick temper. He was remarkably truthful, and was neither dissipated +nor addicted to drink. The only faults that marred his conduct were +fits of fury to which he was subject and during which he lost control of +himself and became like a wild animal. He once nearly threw out of the +window another cadet who had begun to tease him about his collection +of minerals. On another occasion he came almost completely to grief +by flinging a whole dish of cutlets at an officer who was acting as +steward, attacking him and, it was said, striking him for having broken +his word and told a barefaced lie. He would certainly have been reduced +to the ranks had not the Director of the College hushed up the whole +matter and dismissed the steward. + +By the time he was eighteen he had finished his College course and +received a commission as lieutenant in an aristocratic regiment of the +Guards. + +The Emperor Nicholas Pavlovich (Nicholas I) had noticed him while he +was still at the College, and continued to take notice of him in the +regiment, and it was on this account that people predicted for him an +appointment as aide-de-camp to the Emperor. Kasatsky himself strongly +desired it, not from ambition only but chiefly because since his cadet +days he had been passionately devoted to Nicholas Pavlovich. The Emperor +had often visited the Military College and every time Kasatsky saw +that tall erect figure, with breast expanded in its military overcoat, +entering with brisk step, saw the cropped side-whiskers, the moustache, +the aquiline nose, and heard the sonorous voice exchanging greetings +with the cadets, he was seized by the same rapture that he experienced +later on when he met the woman he loved. Indeed, his passionate +adoration of the Emperor was even stronger: he wished to sacrifice +something--everything, even himself--to prove his complete devotion. +And the Emperor Nicholas was conscious of evoking this rapture and +deliberately aroused it. He played with the cadets, surrounded himself +with them, treating them sometimes with childish simplicity, sometimes +as a friend, and then again with majestic solemnity. After that affair +with the officer, Nicholas Pavlovich said nothing to Kasatsky, but when +the latter approached he waved him away theatrically, frowned, shook his +finger at him, and afterwards when leaving, said: 'Remember that I know +everything. There are some things I would rather not know, but they +remain here,' and he pointed to his heart. + +When on leaving College the cadets were received by the Emperor, he did +not again refer to Kasatsky's offence, but told them all, as was his +custom, that they should serve him and the fatherland loyally, that he +would always be their best friend, and that when necessary they might +approach him direct. All the cadets were as usual greatly moved, and +Kasatsky even shed tears, remembering the past, and vowed that he would +serve his beloved Tsar with all his soul. + +When Kasatsky took up his commission his mother moved with her daughter +first to Moscow and then to their country estate. Kasatsky gave half his +property to his sister and kept only enough to maintain himself in the +expensive regiment he had joined. + +To all appearance he was just an ordinary, brilliant young officer +of the Guards making a career for himself; but intense and complex +strivings went on within him. From early childhood his efforts had +seemed to be very varied, but essentially they were all one and the +same. He tried in everything he took up to attain such success and +perfection as would evoke praise and surprise. Whether it was his +studies or his military exercises, he took them up and worked at them +till he was praised and held up as an example to others. Mastering one +subject he took up another, and obtained first place in his studies. For +example, while still at College he noticed in himself an awkwardness in +French conversation, and contrived to master French till he spoke it +as well as Russian, and then he took up chess and became an excellent +player. + +Apart from his main vocation, which was the service of his Tsar and +the fatherland, he always set himself some particular aim, and however +unimportant it was, devoted himself completely to it and lived for it +until it was accomplished. And as soon as it was attained another +aim would immediately present itself, replacing its predecessor. This +passion for distinguishing himself, or for accomplishing something +in order to distinguish himself, filled his life. On taking up his +commission he set himself to acquire the utmost perfection in knowledge +of the service, and very soon became a model officer, though still with +the same fault of ungovernable irascibility, which here in the service +again led him to commit actions inimical to his success. Then he took to +reading, having once in conversation in society felt himself deficient +in general education--and again achieved his purpose. Then, wishing +to secure a brilliant position in high society, he learnt to dance +excellently and very soon was invited to all the balls in the best +circles, and to some of their evening gatherings. But this did not +satisfy him: he was accustomed to being first, and in this society was +far from being so. + +The highest society then consisted, and I think always consist, of +four sorts of people: rich people who are received at Court, people +not wealthy but born and brought up in Court circles, rich people who +ingratiate themselves into the Court set, and people neither rich nor +belonging to the Court but who ingratiate themselves into the first and +second sets. + +Kasatsky did not belong to the first two sets, but was readily welcomed +in the others. On entering society he determined to have relations with +some society lady, and to his own surprise quickly accomplished this +purpose. He soon realized, however, that the circles in which he moved +were not the highest, and that though he was received in the highest +spheres he did not belong to them. They were polite to him, but showed +by their whole manner that they had their own set and that he was not of +it. And Kasatsky wished to belong to that inner circle. To attain that +end it would be necessary to be an aide-de-camp to the Emperor--which +he expected to become--or to marry into that exclusive set, which he +resolved to do. And his choice fell on a beauty belonging to the +Court, who not merely belonged to the circle into which he wished to be +accepted, but whose friendship was coveted by the very highest people +and those most firmly established in that highest circle. This was +Countess Korotkova. Kasatsky began to pay court to her, and not merely +for the sake of his career. She was extremely attractive and he soon +fell in love with her. At first she was noticeably cool towards him, +but then suddenly changed and became gracious, and her mother gave him +pressing invitations to visit them. Kasatsky proposed and was accepted. +He was surprised at the facility with which he attained such happiness. +But though he noticed something strange and unusual in the behaviour +towards him of both mother and daughter, he was blinded by being +so deeply in love, and did not realize what almost the whole town +knew--namely, that his fiancee had been the Emperor Nicholas's mistress +the previous year. + +Two weeks before the day arranged for the wedding, Kasatsky was at +Tsarskoe Selo at his fiancee's country place. It was a hot day in May. +He and his betrothed had walked about the garden and were sitting on +a bench in a shady linden alley. Mary's white muslin dress suited her +particularly well, and she seemed the personification of innocence and +love as she sat, now bending her head, now gazing up at the very tall +and handsome man who was speaking to her with particular tenderness and +self-restraint, as if he feared by word or gesture to offend or sully +her angelic purity. + +Kasatsky belonged to those men of the eighteen-forties (they are now no +longer to be found) who while deliberately and without any conscientious +scruples condoning impurity in themselves, required ideal and angelic +purity in their women, regarded all unmarried women of their circle as +possessed of such purity, and treated them accordingly. There was much +that was false and harmful in this outlook, as concerning the laxity the +men permitted themselves, but in regard to the women that old-fashioned +view (sharply differing from that held by young people to-day who see in +every girl merely a female seeking a mate) was, I think, of value. The +girls, perceiving such adoration, endeavoured with more or less success +to be goddesses. + +Such was the view Kasatsky held of women, and that was how he regarded +his fiancee. He was particularly in love that day, but did not +experience any sensual desire for her. On the contrary he regarded her +with tender adoration as something unattainable. + +He rose to his full height, standing before her with both hands on his +sabre. + +'I have only now realized what happiness a man can experience! And it is +you, my darling, who have given me this happiness,' he said with a timid +smile. + +Endearments had not yet become usual between them, and feeling himself +morally inferior he felt terrified at this stage to use them to such an +angel. + +'It is thanks to you that I have come to know myself. I have learnt that +I am better than I thought.' + +'I have known that for a long time. That was why I began to love you.' + +Nightingales trilled near by and the fresh leafage rustled, moved by a +passing breeze. + +He took her hand and kissed it, and tears came into his eyes. + +She understood that he was thanking her for having said she loved him. +He silently took a few steps up and down, and then approached her again +and sat down. + +'You know... I have to tell you... I was not disinterested when I +began to make love to you. I wanted to get into society; but later... +how unimportant that became in comparison with you--when I got to know +you. You are not angry with me for that?' + +She did not reply but merely touched his hand. He understood that this +meant: 'No, I am not angry.' + +'You said...' He hesitated. It seemed too bold to say. 'You said that +you began to love me. I believe it--but there is something that troubles +you and checks your feeling. What is it?' + +'Yes--now or never!' thought she. 'He is bound to know of it anyway. But +now he will not forsake me. Ah, if he should, it would be terrible!' And +she threw a loving glance at his tall, noble, powerful figure. She loved +him now more than she had loved the Tsar, and apart from the Imperial +dignity would not have preferred the Emperor to him. + +'Listen! I cannot deceive you. I have to tell you. You ask what it is? +It is that I have loved before.' + +She again laid her hand on his with an imploring gesture. He was silent. + +'You want to know who it was? It was--the Emperor.' + +'We all love him. I can imagine you, a schoolgirl at the Institute...' + +'No, it was later. I was infatuated, but it passed... I must tell +you...' + +'Well, what of it?' + +'No, it was not simply--' She covered her face with her hands. + +'What? You gave yourself to him?' + +She was silent. + +'His mistress?' + +She did not answer. + +He sprang up and stood before her with trembling jaws, pale as death. He +now remembered how the Emperor, meeting him on the Nevsky, had amiably +congratulated him. + +'O God, what have I done! Stiva!' + +'Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Oh, how it pains!' + +He turned away and went to the house. There he met her mother. + +'What is the matter, Prince? I...' She became silent on seeing his +face. The blood had suddenly rushed to his head. + +'You knew it, and used me to shield them! If you weren't a woman...!' +he cried, lifting his enormous fist, and turning aside he ran away. + +Had his fiancee's lover been a private person he would have killed him, +but it was his beloved Tsar. + +Next day he applied both for furlough and his discharge, and professing +to be ill, so as to see no one, he went away to the country. + +He spent the summer at his village arranging his affairs. When summer +was over he did not return to Petersburg, but entered a monastery and +there became a monk. + +His mother wrote to try to dissuade him from this decisive step, but +he replied that he felt God's call which transcended all other +considerations. Only his sister, who was as proud and ambitious as he, +understood him. + +She understood that he had become a monk in order to be above those who +considered themselves his superiors. And she understood him correctly. +By becoming a monk he showed contempt for all that seemed most important +to others and had seemed so to him while he was in the service, and +he now ascended a height from which he could look down on those he had +formerly envied.... But it was not this alone, as his sister Varvara +supposed, that influenced him. There was also in him something else--a +sincere religious feeling which Varvara did not know, which intertwined +itself with the feeling of pride and the desire for pre-eminence, +and guided him. His disillusionment with Mary, whom he had thought +of angelic purity, and his sense of injury, were so strong that they +brought him to despair, and the despair led him--to what? To God, to his +childhood's faith which had never been destroyed in him. + + + + +II + +Kasatsky entered the monastery on the feast of the Intercession of the +Blessed Virgin. The Abbot of that monastery was a gentleman by birth, a +learned writer and a starets, that is, he belonged to that succession +of monks originating in Walachia who each choose a director and teacher +whom they implicitly obey. This Superior had been a disciple of the +starets Ambrose, who was a disciple of Makarius, who was a disciple of +the starets Leonid, who was a disciple of Paussy Velichkovsky. + +To this Abbot Kasatsky submitted himself as to his chosen director. Here +in the monastery, besides the feeling of ascendency over others that +such a life gave him, he felt much as he had done in the world: he found +satisfaction in attaining the greatest possible perfection outwardly +as well as inwardly. As in the regiment he had been not merely an +irreproachable officer but had even exceeded his duties and widened the +borders of perfection, so also as a monk he tried to be perfect, and was +always industrious, abstemious, submissive, and meek, as well as +pure both in deed and in thought, and obedient. This last quality in +particular made life far easier for him. If many of the demands of life +in the monastery, which was near the capital and much frequented, did +not please him and were temptations to him, they were all nullified by +obedience: 'It is not for me to reason; my business is to do the task +set me, whether it be standing beside the relics, singing in the choir, +or making up accounts in the monastery guest-house.' All possibility of +doubt about anything was silenced by obedience to the starets. Had +it not been for this, he would have been oppressed by the length and +monotony of the church services, the bustle of the many visitors, and +the bad qualities of the other monks. As it was, he not only bore it +all joyfully but found in it solace and support. 'I don't know why it is +necessary to hear the same prayers several times a day, but I know that +it is necessary; and knowing this I find joy in them.' His director told +him that as material food is necessary for the maintenance of the life +of the body, so spiritual food--the church prayers--is necessary for +the maintenance of the spiritual life. He believed this, and though the +church services, for which he had to get up early in the morning, were +a difficulty, they certainly calmed him and gave him joy. This was the +result of his consciousness of humility, and the certainty that whatever +he had to do, being fixed by the starets, was right. + +The interest of his life consisted not only in an ever greater and +greater subjugation of his will, but in the attainment of all the +Christian virtues, which at first seemed to him easily attainable. He +had given his whole estate to his sister and did not regret it, he had +no personal claims, humility towards his inferiors was not merely easy +for him but afforded him pleasure. Even victory over the sins of the +flesh, greed and lust, was easily attained. His director had specially +warned him against the latter sin, but Kasatsky felt free from it and +was glad. + +One thing only tormented him--the remembrance of his fiancee; and not +merely the remembrance but the vivid image of what might have been. +Involuntarily he recalled a lady he knew who had been a favourite of the +Emperor's, but had afterwards married and become an admirable wife and +mother. The husband had a high position, influence and honour, and a +good and penitent wife. + +In his better hours Kasatsky was not disturbed by such thoughts, and +when he recalled them at such times he was merely glad to feel that the +temptation was past. But there were moments when all that made up his +present life suddenly grew dim before him, moments when, if he did not +cease to believe in the aims he had set himself, he ceased to see them +and could evoke no confidence in them but was seized by a remembrance +of, and--terrible to say--a regret for, the change of life he had made. + +The only thing that saved him in that state of mind was obedience and +work, and the fact that the whole day was occupied by prayer. He went +through the usual forms of prayer, he bowed in prayer, he even prayed +more than usual, but it was lip-service only and his soul was not in it. +This condition would continue for a day, or sometimes for two days, and +would then pass of itself. But those days were dreadful. Kasatsky felt +that he was neither in his own hands nor in God's, but was subject +to something else. All he could do then was to obey the starets, to +restrain himself, to undertake nothing, and simply to wait. In general +all this time he lived not by his own will but by that of the starets, +and in this obedience he found a special tranquillity. + +So he lived in his first monastery for seven years. At the end of the +third year he received the tonsure and was ordained to the priesthood by +the name of Sergius. The profession was an important event in his inner +life. He had previously experienced a great consolation and spiritual +exaltation when receiving communion, and now when he himself officiated, +the performance of the preparation filled him with ecstatic and deep +emotion. But subsequently that feeling became more and more deadened, +and once when he was officiating in a depressed state of mind he felt +that the influence produced on him by the service would not endure. And +it did in fact weaken till only the habit remained. + +In general in the seventh year of his life in the monastery Sergius grew +weary. He had learnt all there was to learn and had attained all there +was to attain, there was nothing more to do and his spiritual drowsiness +increased. During this time he heard of his mother's death and his +sister Varvara's marriage, but both events were matters of indifference +to him. His whole attention and his whole interest were concentrated on +his inner life. + +In the fourth year of his priesthood, during which the Bishop had been +particularly kind to him, the starets told him that he ought not to +decline it if he were offered an appointment to higher duties. Then +monastic ambition, the very thing he had found so repulsive in other +monks, arose within him. He was assigned to a monastery near the +metropolis. He wished to refuse but the starets ordered him to accept +the appointment. He did so, and took leave of the starets and moved to +the other monastery. + +The exchange into the metropolitan monastery was an important event in +Sergius's life. There he encountered many temptations, and his whole +will-power was concentrated on meeting them. + +In the first monastery, women had not been a temptation to him, but +here that temptation arose with terrible strength and even took definite +shape. There was a lady known for her frivolous behaviour who began to +seek his favour. She talked to him and asked him to visit her. Sergius +sternly declined, but was horrified by the definiteness of his desire. +He was so alarmed that he wrote about it to the starets. And in +addition, to keep himself in hand, he spoke to a young novice and, +conquering his sense of shame, confessed his weakness to him, asking him +to keep watch on him and not let him go anywhere except to service and +to fulfil his duties. + +Besides this, a great pitfall for Sergius lay in the fact of his extreme +antipathy to his new Abbot, a cunning worldly man who was making a +career for himself in the Church. Struggle with himself as he might, he +could not master that feeling. He was submissive to the Abbot, but in +the depths of his soul he never ceased to condemn him. And in the second +year of his residence at the new monastery that ill-feeling broke out. + +The Vigil service was being performed in the large church on the eve of +the feast of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin, and there were many +visitors. The Abbot himself was conducting the service. Father Sergius +was standing in his usual place and praying: that is, he was in that +condition of struggle which always occupied him during the service, +especially in the large church when he was not himself conducting the +service. This conflict was occasioned by his irritation at the presence +of fine folk, especially ladies. He tried not to see them or to notice +all that went on: how a soldier conducted them, pushing the +common people aside, how the ladies pointed out the monks to one +another--especially himself and a monk noted for his good looks. He +tried as it were to keep his mind in blinkers, to see nothing but +the light of the candles on the altar-screen, the icons, and those +conducting the service. He tried to hear nothing but the prayers +that were being chanted or read, to feel nothing but self-oblivion in +consciousness of the fulfilment of duty--a feeling he always experienced +when hearing or reciting in advance the prayers he had so often heard. + +So he stood, crossing and prostrating himself when necessary, and +struggled with himself, now giving way to cold condemnation and now to +a consciously evoked obliteration of thought and feeling. Then the +sacristan, Father Nicodemus--also a great stumbling-block to Sergius +who involuntarily reproached him for flattering and fawning on the +Abbot--approached him and, bowing low, requested his presence behind the +holy gates. Father Sergius straightened his mantle, put on his biretta, +and went circumspectly through the crowd. + +'Lise, regarde a droite, c'est lui!' he heard a woman's voice say. + +'Ou, ou? Il n'est pas tellement beau.' + +He knew that they were speaking of him. He heard them and, as always +at moments of temptation, he repeated the words, 'Lead us not into +temptation,' and bowing his head and lowering his eyes went past the +ambo and in by the north door, avoiding the canons in their cassocks who +were just then passing the altar-screen. On entering the sanctuary he +bowed, crossing himself as usual and bending double before the icons. +Then, raising his head but without turning, he glanced out of the corner +of his eye at the Abbot, whom he saw standing beside another glittering +figure. + +The Abbot was standing by the wall in his vestments. Having freed his +short plump hands from beneath his chasuble he had folded them over +his fat body and protruding stomach, and fingering the cords of his +vestments was smilingly saying something to a military man in the +uniform of a general of the Imperial suite, with its insignia +and shoulder-knots which Father Sergius's experienced eye at once +recognized. This general had been the commander of the regiment in which +Sergius had served. He now evidently occupied an important position, and +Father Sergius at once noticed that the Abbot was aware of this and that +his red face and bald head beamed with satisfaction and pleasure. This +vexed and disgusted Father Sergius, the more so when he heard that the +Abbot had only sent for him to satisfy the general's curiosity to see a +man who had formerly served with him, as he expressed it. + +'Very pleased to see you in your angelic guise,' said the general, +holding out his hand. 'I hope you have not forgotten an old comrade.' + +The whole thing--the Abbot's red, smiling face amid its fringe of grey, +the general's words, his well-cared-for face with its self-satisfied +smile and the smell of wine from his breath and of cigars from his +whiskers--revolted Father Sergius. He bowed again to the Abbot and said: + +'Your reverence deigned to send for me?'--and stopped, the whole +expression of his face and eyes asking why. + +'Yes, to meet the General,' replied the Abbot. + +'Your reverence, I left the world to save myself from temptation,' said +Father Sergius, turning pale and with quivering lips. 'Why do you expose +me to it during prayers and in God's house?' + +'You may go! Go!' said the Abbot, flaring up and frowning. + +Next day Father Sergius asked pardon of the Abbot and of the brethren +for his pride, but at the same time, after a night spent in prayer, he +decided that he must leave this monastery, and he wrote to the starets +begging permission to return to him. He wrote that he felt his weakness +and incapacity to struggle against temptation without his help and +penitently confessed his sin of pride. By return of post came a letter +from the starets, who wrote that Sergius's pride was the cause of all +that had happened. The old man pointed out that his fits of anger were +due to the fact that in refusing all clerical honours he humiliated +himself not for the sake of God but for the sake of his pride. 'There +now, am I not a splendid man not to want anything?' That was why he +could not tolerate the Abbot's action. 'I have renounced everything for +the glory of God, and here I am exhibited like a wild beast!' 'Had you +renounced vanity for God's sake you would have borne it. Worldly pride +is not yet dead in you. I have thought about you, Sergius my son, and +prayed also, and this is what God has suggested to me. At the Tambov +hermitage the anchorite Hilary, a man of saintly life, has died. He had +lived there eighteen years. The Tambov Abbot is asking whether there is +not a brother who would take his place. And here comes your letter. Go +to Father Paissy of the Tambov Monastery. I will write to him about you, +and you must ask for Hilary's cell. Not that you can replace Hilary, but +you need solitude to quell your pride. May God bless you!' + +Sergius obeyed the starets, showed his letter to the Abbot, and having +obtained his permission, gave up his cell, handed all his possessions +over to the monastery, and set out for the Tambov hermitage. + +There the Abbot, an excellent manager of merchant origin, received +Sergius simply and quietly and placed him in Hilary's cell, at first +assigning to him a lay brother but afterwards leaving him alone, at +Sergius's own request. The cell was a dual cave, dug into the hillside, +and in it Hilary had been buried. In the back part was Hilary's grave, +while in the front was a niche for sleeping, with a straw mattress, a +small table, and a shelf with icons and books. Outside the outer door, +which fastened with a hook, was another shelf on which, once a day, a +monk placed food from the monastery. + +And so Sergius became a hermit. + + + + +III + +At Carnival time, in the sixth year of Sergius's life at the hermitage, +a merry company of rich people, men and women from a neighbouring town, +made up a troyka-party, after a meal of carnival-pancakes and wine. The +company consisted of two lawyers, a wealthy landowner, an officer, and +four ladies. One lady was the officer's wife, another the wife of +the landowner, the third his sister--a young girl--and the fourth a +divorcee, beautiful, rich, and eccentric, who amazed and shocked the +town by her escapades. + +The weather was excellent and the snow-covered road smooth as a floor. +They drove some seven miles out of town, and then stopped and consulted +as to whether they should turn back or drive farther. + +'But where does this road lead to?' asked Makovkina, the beautiful +divorcee. + +'To Tambov, eight miles from here,' replied one of the lawyers, who was +having a flirtation with her. + +'And then where?' + +'Then on to L----, past the Monastery.' + +'Where that Father Sergius lives?' + +'Yes.' + +'Kasatsky, the handsome hermit?' + +'Yes.' + +'Mesdames et messieurs, let us drive on and see Kasatsky! We can stop at +Tambov and have something to eat.' + +'But we shouldn't get home to-night!' + +'Never mind, we will stay at Kasatsky's.' + +'Well, there is a very good hostelry at the Monastery. I stayed there +when I was defending Makhin.' + +'No, I shall spend the night at Kasatsky's!' + +'Impossible! Even your omnipotence could not accomplish that!' + +'Impossible? Will you bet?' + +'All right! If you spend the night with him, the stake shall be whatever +you like.' + +'A DISCRETION!' + +'But on your side too!' + +'Yes, of course. Let us drive on.' + +Vodka was handed to the drivers, and the party got out a box of pies, +wine, and sweets for themselves. The ladies wrapped up in their white +dogskins. The drivers disputed as to whose troyka should go ahead, and +the youngest, seating himself sideways with a dashing air, swung his +long knout and shouted to the horses. The troyka-bells tinkled and the +sledge-runners squeaked over the snow. + +The sledge swayed hardly at all. The shaft-horse, with his tightly bound +tail under his decorated breechband, galloped smoothly and briskly; the +smooth road seemed to run rapidly backwards, while the driver dashingly +shook the reins. One of the lawyers and the officer sitting opposite +talked nonsense to Makovkina's neighbour, but Makovkina herself sat +motionless and in thought, tightly wrapped in her fur. 'Always the same +and always nasty! The same red shiny faces smelling of wine and cigars! +The same talk, the same thoughts, and always about the same things! And +they are all satisfied and confident that it should be so, and will +go on living like that till they die. But I can't. It bores me. I want +something that would upset it all and turn it upside down. Suppose +it happened to us as to those people--at Saratov was it?--who kept on +driving and froze to death.... What would our people do? How would +they behave? Basely, for certain. Each for himself. And I too should act +badly. But I at any rate have beauty. They all know it. And how about +that monk? Is it possible that he has become indifferent to it? No! That +is the one thing they all care for--like that cadet last autumn. What a +fool he was!' + +'Ivan Nikolaevich!' she said aloud. + +'What are your commands?' + +'How old is he?' + +'Who?' + +'Kasatsky.' + +'Over forty, I should think.' + +'And does he receive all visitors?' + +'Yes, everybody, but not always.' + +'Cover up my feet. Not like that--how clumsy you are! No! More, +more--like that! But you need not squeeze them!' + +So they came to the forest where the cell was. + +Makovkina got out of the sledge, and told them to drive on. They tried +to dissuade her, but she grew irritable and ordered them to go on. + +When the sledges had gone she went up the path in her white dogskin +coat. The lawyer got out and stopped to watch her. + +It was Father Sergius's sixth year as a recluse, and he was now +forty-nine. His life in solitude was hard--not on account of the fasts +and the prayers (they were no hardship to him) but on account of an +inner conflict he had not at all anticipated. The sources of that +conflict were two: doubts, and the lust of the flesh. And these two +enemies always appeared together. It seemed to him that they were two +foes, but in reality they were one and the same. As soon as doubt was +gone so was the lustful desire. But thinking them to be two different +fiends he fought them separately. + +'O my God, my God!' thought he. 'Why dost thou not grant me faith? There +is lust, of course: even the saints had to fight that--Saint Anthony and +others. But they had faith, while I have moments, hours, and days, when +it is absent. Why does the whole world, with all its delights, exist +if it is sinful and must be renounced? Why hast Thou created this +temptation? Temptation? Is it not rather a temptation that I wish to +abandon all the joys of earth and prepare something for myself there +where perhaps there is nothing?' And he became horrified and filled with +disgust at himself. 'Vile creature! And it is you who wish to become a +saint!' he upbraided himself, and he began to pray. But as soon as he +started to pray he saw himself vividly as he had been at the Monastery, +in a majestic post in biretta and mantle, and he shook his head. 'No, +that is not right. It is deception. I may deceive others, but not myself +or God. I am not a majestic man, but a pitiable and ridiculous one!' And +he threw back the folds of his cassock and smiled as he looked at his +thin legs in their underclothing. + +Then he dropped the folds of the cassock again and began reading the +prayers, making the sign of the cross and prostrating himself. 'Can +it be that this couch will be my bier?' he read. And it seemed as if a +devil whispered to him: 'A solitary couch is itself a bier. Falsehood!' +And in imagination he saw the shoulders of a widow with whom he had +lived. He shook himself, and went on reading. Having read the precepts +he took up the Gospels, opened the book, and happened on a passage +he often repeated and knew by heart: 'Lord, I believe. Help thou my +unbelief!'--and he put away all the doubts that had arisen. As one +replaces an object of insecure equilibrium, so he carefully replaced his +belief on its shaky pedestal and carefully stepped back from it so as +not to shake or upset it. The blinkers were adjusted again and he felt +tranquillized, and repeating his childhood's prayer: 'Lord, receive me, +receive me!' he felt not merely at ease, but thrilled and joyful. He +crossed himself and lay down on the bedding on his narrow bench, tucking +his summer cassock under his head. He fell asleep at once, and in his +light slumber he seemed to hear the tinkling of sledge bells. He did not +know whether he was dreaming or awake, but a knock at the door aroused +him. He sat up, distrusting his senses, but the knock was repeated. Yes, +it was a knock close at hand, at his door, and with it the sound of a +woman's voice. + +'My God! Can it be true, as I have read in the Lives of the Saints, that +the devil takes on the form of a woman? Yes--it is a woman's voice. +And a tender, timid, pleasant voice. Phui!' And he spat to exorcise the +devil. 'No, it was only my imagination,' he assured himself, and he +went to the corner where his lectern stood, falling on his knees in the +regular and habitual manner which of itself gave him consolation and +satisfaction. He sank down, his hair hanging over his face, and pressed +his head, already going bald in front, to the cold damp strip of drugget +on the draughty floor. He read the psalm old Father Pimon had told him +warded off temptation. He easily raised his light and emaciated body +on his strong sinewy legs and tried to continue saying his prayers, but +instead of doing so he involuntarily strained his hearing. He wished +to hear more. All was quiet. From the corner of the roof regular drops +continued to fall into the tub below. Outside was a mist and fog eating +into the snow that lay on the ground. It was still, very still. And +suddenly there was a rustling at the window and a voice--that +same tender, timid voice, which could only belong to an attractive +woman--said: + +'Let me in, for Christ's sake!' + +It seemed as though his blood had all rushed to his heart and settled +there. He could hardly breathe. 'Let God arise and let his enemies be +scattered...' + +'But I am not a devil!' It was obvious that the lips that uttered this +were smiling. 'I am not a devil, but only a sinful woman who has lost +her way, not figuratively but literally!' She laughed. 'I am frozen and +beg for shelter.' + +He pressed his face to the window, but the little icon-lamp was +reflected by it and shone on the whole pane. He put his hands to both +sides of his face and peered between them. Fog, mist, a tree, and--just +opposite him--she herself. Yes, there, a few inches from him, was the +sweet, kindly frightened face of a woman in a cap and a coat of long +white fur, leaning towards him. Their eyes met with instant recognition: +not that they had ever known one another, they had never met before, +but by the look they exchanged they--and he particularly--felt that they +knew and understood one another. After that glance to imagine her to be +a devil and not a simple, kindly, sweet, timid woman, was impossible. + +'Who are you? Why have you come?' he asked. + +'Do please open the door!' she replied, with capricious authority. 'I am +frozen. I tell you I have lost my way.' + +'But I am a monk--a hermit.' + +'Oh, do please open the door--or do you wish me to freeze under your +window while you say your prayers?' + +'But how have you...' + +'I shan't eat you. For God's sake let me in! I am quite frozen.' + +She really did feel afraid, and said this in an almost tearful voice. + +He stepped back from the window and looked at an icon of the Saviour +in His crown of thorns. 'Lord, help me! Lord, help me!' he exclaimed, +crossing himself and bowing low. Then he went to the door, and opening +it into the tiny porch, felt for the hook that fastened the outer door +and began to lift it. He heard steps outside. She was coming from the +window to the door. 'Ah!' she suddenly exclaimed, and he understood +that she had stepped into the puddle that the dripping from the roof had +formed at the threshold. His hands trembled, and he could not raise the +hook of the tightly closed door. + +'Oh, what are you doing? Let me in! I am all wet. I am frozen! You are +thinking about saving your soul and are letting me freeze to death...' + +He jerked the door towards him, raised the hook, and without considering +what he was doing, pushed it open with such force that it struck her. + +'Oh--PARDON!' he suddenly exclaimed, reverting completely to his old +manner with ladies. + +She smiled on hearing that PARDON. 'He is not quite so terrible, after +all,' she thought. 'It's all right. It is you who must pardon me,' she +said, stepping past him. 'I should never have ventured, but such an +extraordinary circumstance...' + +'If you please!' he uttered, and stood aside to let her pass him. A +strong smell of fine scent, which he had long not encountered, struck +him. She went through the little porch into the cell where he lived. He +closed the outer door without fastening the hook, and stepped in after +her. + +'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner! Lord, have +mercy on me a sinner!' he prayed unceasingly, not merely to himself but +involuntarily moving his lips. 'If you please!' he said to her again. +She stood in the middle of the room, moisture dripping from her to the +floor as she looked him over. Her eyes were laughing. + +'Forgive me for having disturbed your solitude. But you see what a +position I am in. It all came about from our starting from town for a +sledge-drive, and my making a bet that I would walk back by myself from +the Vorobevka to the town. But then I lost my way, and if I had not +happened to come upon your cell...' She began lying, but his face +confused her so that she could not continue, but became silent. She had +not expected him to be at all such as he was. He was not as handsome +as she had imagined, but was nevertheless beautiful in her eyes: his +greyish hair and beard, slightly curling, his fine, regular nose, +and his eyes like glowing coal when he looked at her, made a strong +impression on her. + +He saw that she was lying. + +'Yes... so,' said he, looking at her and again lowering his eyes. 'I +will go in there, and this place is at your disposal.' + +And taking down the little lamp, he lit a candle, and bowing low to her +went into the small cell beyond the partition, and she heard him begin +to move something about there. 'Probably he is barricading himself in +from me!' she thought with a smile, and throwing off her white dogskin +cloak she tried to take off her cap, which had become entangled in her +hair and in the woven kerchief she was wearing under it. She had not +got at all wet when standing under the window, and had said so only as +a pretext to get him to let her in. But she really had stepped into the +puddle at the door, and her left foot was wet up to the ankle and her +overshoe full of water. She sat down on his bed--a bench only covered by +a bit of carpet--and began to take off her boots. The little cell seemed +to her charming. The narrow little room, some seven feet by nine, was as +clean as glass. There was nothing in it but the bench on which she +was sitting, the book-shelf above it, and a lectern in the corner. +A sheepskin coat and a cassock hung on nails by the door. Above the +lectern was the little lamp and an icon of Christ in His crown of +thorns. The room smelt strangely of perspiration and of earth. It all +pleased her--even that smell. Her wet feet, especially one of them, were +uncomfortable, and she quickly began to take off her boots and stockings +without ceasing to smile, pleased not so much at having achieved her +object as because she perceived that she had abashed that charming, +strange, striking, and attractive man. 'He did not respond, but what of +that?' she said to herself. + +'Father Sergius! Father Sergius! Or how does one call you?' + +'What do you want?' replied a quiet voice. + +'Please forgive me for disturbing your solitude, but really I could not +help it. I should simply have fallen ill. And I don't know that I shan't +now. I am all wet and my feet are like ice.' + +'Pardon me,' replied the quiet voice. 'I cannot be of any assistance to +you.' + +'I would not have disturbed you if I could have helped it. I am only +here till daybreak.' + +He did not reply and she heard him muttering something, probably his +prayers. + +'You will not be coming in here?' she asked, smiling. 'For I must +undress to dry myself.' + +He did not reply, but continued to read his prayers. + +'Yes, that is a man!' thought she, getting her dripping boot off with +difficulty. She tugged at it, but could not get it off. The absurdity of +it struck her and she began to laugh almost inaudibly. But knowing that +he would hear her laughter and would be moved by it just as she wished +him to be, she laughed louder, and her laughter--gay, natural, and +kindly--really acted on him just in the way she wished. + +'Yes, I could love a man like that--such eyes and such a simple noble +face, and passionate too despite all the prayers he mutters!' thought +she. 'You can't deceive a woman in these things. As soon as he put his +face to the window and saw me, he understood and knew. The glimmer of it +was in his eyes and remained there. He began to love me and desired me. +Yes--desired!' said she, getting her overshoe and her boot off at last +and starting to take off her stockings. To remove those long stockings +fastened with elastic it was necessary to raise her skirts. She felt +embarrassed and said: + +'Don't come in!' + +But there was no reply from the other side of the wall. The steady +muttering continued and also a sound of moving. + +'He is prostrating himself to the ground, no doubt,' thought she. +'But he won't bow himself out of it. He is thinking of me just as I +am thinking of him. He is thinking of these feet of mine with the same +feeling that I have!' And she pulled off her wet stockings and put her +feet up on the bench, pressing them under her. She sat a while like that +with her arms round her knees and looking pensively before her. 'But it +is a desert, here in this silence. No one would ever know....' + +She rose, took her stockings over to the stove, and hung them on the +damper. It was a queer damper, and she turned it about, and then, +stepping lightly on her bare feet, returned to the bench and sat down +there again with her feet up. + +There was complete silence on the other side of the partition. She +looked at the tiny watch that hung round her neck. It was two o'clock. +'Our party should return about three!' She had not more than an hour +before her. 'Well, am I to sit like this all alone? What nonsense! I +don't want to. I will call him at once.' + +'Father Sergius, Father Sergius! Sergey Dmitrich! Prince Kasatsky!' + +Beyond the partition all was silent. + +'Listen! This is cruel. I would not call you if it were not necessary. +I am ill. I don't know what is the matter with me!' she exclaimed in a +tone of suffering. 'Oh! Oh!' she groaned, falling back on the bench. And +strange to say she really felt that her strength was failing, that +she was becoming faint, that everything in her ached, and that she was +shivering with fever. + +'Listen! Help me! I don't know what is the matter with me. Oh! Oh!' She +unfastened her dress, exposing her breast, and lifted her arms, bare to +the elbow. 'Oh! Oh!' + +All this time he stood on the other side of the partition and prayed. +Having finished all the evening prayers, he now stood motionless, his +eyes looking at the end of his nose, and mentally repeated with all his +soul: 'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me!' + +But he had heard everything. He had heard how the silk rustled when she +took off her dress, how she stepped with bare feet on the floor, and had +heard how she rubbed her feet with her hand. He felt his own weakness, +and that he might be lost at any moment. That was why he prayed +unceasingly. He felt rather as the hero in the fairy-tale must have felt +when he had to go on and on without looking round. So Sergius heard and +felt that danger and destruction were there, hovering above and +around him, and that he could only save himself by not looking in that +direction for an instant. But suddenly the desire to look seized him. At +the same instant she said: + +'This is inhuman. I may die....' + +'Yes, I will go to her, but like the Saint who laid one hand on the +adulteress and thrust his other into the brazier. But there is no +brazier here.' He looked round. The lamp! He put his finger over the +flame and frowned, preparing himself to suffer. And for a rather long +time, as it seemed to him, there was no sensation, but suddenly--he +had not yet decided whether it was painful enough--he writhed all over, +jerked his hand away, and waved it in the air. 'No, I can't stand that!' + +'For God's sake come to me! I am dying! Oh!' + +'Well--shall I perish? No, not so!' + +'I will come to you directly,' he said, and having opened his door, he +went without looking at her through the cell into the porch where he +used to chop wood. There he felt for the block and for an axe which +leant against the wall. + +'Immediately!' he said, and taking up the axe with his right hand he +laid the forefinger of his left hand on the block, swung the axe, and +struck with it below the second joint. The finger flew off more lightly +than a stick of similar thickness, and bounding up, turned over on the +edge of the block and then fell to the floor. + +He heard it fall before he felt any pain, but before he had time to be +surprised he felt a burning pain and the warmth of flowing blood. He +hastily wrapped the stump in the skirt of his cassock, and pressing it +to his hip went back into the room, and standing in front of the woman, +lowered his eyes and asked in a low voice: 'What do you want?' + +She looked at his pale face and his quivering left cheek, and suddenly +felt ashamed. She jumped up, seized her fur cloak, and throwing it round +her shoulders, wrapped herself up in it. + +'I was in pain... I have caught cold... I... Father Sergius... +I...' + +He let his eyes, shining with a quiet light of joy, rest upon her, and +said: + +'Dear sister, why did you wish to ruin your immortal soul? Temptations +must come into the world, but woe to him by whom temptation comes. Pray +that God may forgive us!' + +She listened and looked at him. Suddenly she heard the sound of +something dripping. She looked down and saw that blood was flowing from +his hand and down his cassock. + +'What have you done to your hand?' She remembered the sound she had +heard, and seizing the little lamp ran out into the porch. There on the +floor she saw the bloody finger. She returned with her face paler than +his and was about to speak to him, but he silently passed into the back +cell and fastened the door. + +'Forgive me!' she said. 'How can I atone for my sin?' + +'Go away.' + +'Let me tie up your hand.' + +'Go away from here.' + +She dressed hurriedly and silently, and when ready sat waiting in her +furs. The sledge-bells were heard outside. + +'Father Sergius, forgive me!' + +'Go away. God will forgive.' + +'Father Sergius! I will change my life. Do not forsake me!' + +'Go away.' + +'Forgive me--and give me your blessing!' + +'In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost!'--she +heard his voice from behind the partition. 'Go!' + +She burst into sobs and left the cell. The lawyer came forward to meet +her. + +'Well, I see I have lost the bet. It can't be helped. Where will you +sit?' + +'It is all the same to me.' + +She took a seat in the sledge, and did not utter a word all the way +home. + +A year later she entered a convent as a novice, and lived a strict life +under the direction of the hermit Arseny, who wrote letters to her at +long intervals. + + + + +IV + +Father Sergius lived as a recluse for another seven years. + +At first he accepted much of what people brought him--tea, sugar, white +bread, milk, clothing, and fire-wood. But as time went on he led a more +and more austere life, refusing everything superfluous, and finally he +accepted nothing but rye-bread once a week. Everything else that was +brought to him he gave to the poor who came to him. He spent his entire +time in his cell, in prayer or in conversation with callers, who became +more and more numerous as time went on. Only three times a year did +he go out to church, and when necessary he went out to fetch water and +wood. + +The episode with Makovkina had occurred after five years of his hermit +life. That occurrence soon became generally known--her nocturnal visit, +the change she underwent, and her entry into a convent. From that time +Father Sergius's fame increased. More and more visitors came to see him, +other monks settled down near his cell, and a church was erected there +and also a hostelry. His fame, as usual exaggerating his feats, spread +ever more and more widely. People began to come to him from a distance, +and began bringing invalids to him whom they declared he cured. + +His first cure occurred in the eighth year of his life as a hermit. It +was the healing of a fourteen-year-old boy, whose mother brought him +to Father Sergius insisting that he should lay his hand on the child's +head. It had never occurred to Father Sergius that he could cure the +sick. He would have regarded such a thought as a great sin of pride; but +the mother who brought the boy implored him insistently, falling at his +feet and saying: 'Why do you, who heal others, refuse to help my son?' +She besought him in Christ's name. When Father Sergius assured her that +only God could heal the sick, she replied that she only wanted him to +lay his hands on the boy and pray for him. Father Sergius refused and +returned to his cell. But next day (it was in autumn and the nights were +already cold) on going out for water he saw the same mother with her +son, a pale boy of fourteen, and was met by the same petition. + +He remembered the parable of the unjust judge, and though he had +previously felt sure that he ought to refuse, he now began to hesitate +and, having hesitated, took to prayer and prayed until a decision formed +itself in his soul. This decision was, that he ought to accede to the +woman's request and that her faith might save her son. As for himself, +he would in this case be but an insignificant instrument chosen by God. + +And going out to the mother he did what she asked--laid his hand on the +boy's head and prayed. + +The mother left with her son, and a month later the boy recovered, and +the fame of the holy healing power of the starets Sergius (as they now +called him) spread throughout the whole district. After that, not a week +passed without sick people coming, riding or on foot, to Father Sergius; +and having acceded to one petition he could not refuse others, and he +laid his hands on many and prayed. Many recovered, and his fame spread +more and more. + +So seven years passed in the Monastery and thirteen in his hermit's +cell. He now had the appearance of an old man: his beard was long and +grey, but his hair, though thin, was still black and curly. + + + + +V + +For some weeks Father Sergius had been living with one persistent +thought: whether he was right in accepting the position in which he had +not so much placed himself as been placed by the Archimandrite and +the Abbot. That position had begun after the recovery of the +fourteen-year-old boy. From that time, with each month, week, and day +that passed, Sergius felt his own inner life wasting away and being +replaced by external life. It was as if he had been turned inside out. + +Sergius saw that he was a means of attracting visitors and contributions +to the monastery, and that therefore the authorities arranged matters in +such a way as to make as much use of him as possible. For instance, they +rendered it impossible for him to do any manual work. He was supplied +with everything he could want, and they only demanded of him that he +should not refuse his blessing to those who came to seek it. For his +convenience they appointed days when he would receive. They arranged a +reception-room for men, and a place was railed in so that he should not +be pushed over by the crowds of women visitors, and so that he could +conveniently bless those who came. + +They told him that people needed him, and that fulfilling Christ's law +of love he could not refuse their demand to see him, and that to avoid +them would be cruel. He could not but agree with this, but the more he +gave himself up to such a life the more he felt that what was internal +became external, and that the fount of living water within him dried +up, and that what he did now was done more and more for men and less and +less for God. + +Whether he admonished people, or simply blessed them, or prayed for the +sick, or advised people about their lives, or listened to expressions of +gratitude from those he had helped by precepts, or alms, or healing (as +they assured him)--he could not help being pleased at it, and could not +be indifferent to the results of his activity and to the influence he +exerted. He thought himself a shining light, and the more he felt this +the more was he conscious of a weakening, a dying down of the divine +light of truth that shone within him. + +'In how far is what I do for God and in how far is it for men?' That was +the question that insistently tormented him and to which he was not so +much unable to give himself an answer as unable to face the answer. + +In the depth of his soul he felt that the devil had substituted an +activity for men in place of his former activity for God. He felt this +because, just as it had formerly been hard for him to be torn from his +solitude so now that solitude itself was hard for him. He was oppressed +and wearied by visitors, but at the bottom of his heart he was glad of +their presence and glad of the praise they heaped upon him. + +There was a time when he decided to go away and hide. He even planned +all that was necessary for that purpose. He prepared for himself a +peasant's shirt, trousers, coat, and cap. He explained that he wanted +these to give to those who asked. And he kept these clothes in his cell, +planning how he would put them on, cut his hair short, and go away. +First he would go some three hundred versts by train, then he would +leave the train and walk from village to village. He asked an old man +who had been a soldier how he tramped: what people gave him, and what +shelter they allowed him. The soldier told him where people were most +charitable, and where they would take a wanderer in for the night, and +Father Sergius intended to avail himself of this information. He even +put on those clothes one night in his desire to go, but he could not +decide what was best--to remain or to escape. At first he was in doubt, +but afterwards this indecision passed. He submitted to custom and +yielded to the devil, and only the peasant garb reminded him of the +thought and feeling he had had. + +Every day more and more people flocked to him and less and less time was +left him for prayer and for renewing his spiritual strength. Sometimes +in lucid moments he thought he was like a place where there had once +been a spring. 'There used to be a feeble spring of living water which +flowed quietly from me and through me. That was true life, the time when +she tempted me!' (He always thought with ecstasy of that night and of +her who was now Mother Agnes.) She had tasted of that pure water, but +since then there had not been time for it to collect before thirsty +people came crowding in and pushing one another aside. And they had +trampled everything down and nothing was left but mud. + +So he thought in rare moments of lucidity, but his usual state of mind +was one of weariness and a tender pity for himself because of that +weariness. + +It was in spring, on the eve of the mid-Pentecostal feast. Father +Sergius was officiating at the Vigil Service in his hermitage church, +where the congregation was as large as the little church could +hold--about twenty people. They were all well-to-do proprietors or +merchants. Father Sergius admitted anyone, but a selection was made by +the monk in attendance and by an assistant who was sent to the hermitage +every day from the monastery. A crowd of some eighty people--pilgrims +and peasants, and especially peasant-women--stood outside waiting for +Father Sergius to come out and bless them. Meanwhile he conducted +the service, but at the point at which he went out to the tomb of his +predecessor, he staggered and would have fallen had he not been caught +by a merchant standing behind him and by the monk acting as deacon. + +'What is the matter, Father Sergius? Dear man! O Lord!' exclaimed the +women. 'He is as white as a sheet!' + +But Father Sergius recovered immediately, and though very pale, he waved +the merchant and the deacon aside and continued to chant the service. + +Father Seraphim, the deacon, the acolytes, and Sofya Ivanovna, a lady +who always lived near the hermitage and tended Father Sergius, begged +him to bring the service to an end. + +'No, there's nothing the matter,' said Father Sergius, slightly smiling +from beneath his moustache and continuing the service. 'Yes, that is the +way the Saints behave!' thought he. + +'A holy man--an angel of God!' he heard just then the voice of Sofya +Ivanovna behind him, and also of the merchant who had supported him. +He did not heed their entreaties, but went on with the service. Again +crowding together they all made their way by the narrow passages back +into the little church, and there, though abbreviating it slightly, +Father Sergius completed vespers. + +Immediately after the service Father Sergius, having pronounced the +benediction on those present, went over to the bench under the elm tree +at the entrance to the cave. He wished to rest and breathe the fresh +air--he felt in need of it. But as soon as he left the church the crowd +of people rushed to him soliciting his blessing, his advice, and his +help. There were pilgrims who constantly tramped from one holy place to +another and from one starets to another, and were always entranced by +every shrine and every starets. Father Sergius knew this common, cold, +conventional, and most irreligious type. There were pilgrims, for +the most part discharged soldiers, unaccustomed to a settled life, +poverty-stricken, and many of them drunken old men, who tramped from +monastery to monastery merely to be fed. And there were rough peasants +and peasant-women who had come with their selfish requirements, seeking +cures or to have doubts about quite practical affairs solved for them: +about marrying off a daughter, or hiring a shop, or buying a bit +of land, or how to atone for having overlaid a child or having an +illegitimate one. + +All this was an old story and not in the least interesting to him. He +knew he would hear nothing new from these folk, that they would arouse +no religious emotion in him; but he liked to see the crowd to which +his blessing and advice was necessary and precious, so while that crowd +oppressed him it also pleased him. Father Seraphim began to drive them +away, saying that Father Sergius was tired. + +But Father Sergius, remembering the words of the Gospel: 'Forbid them' +(children) 'not to come unto me,' and feeling tenderly towards himself +at this recollection, said they should be allowed to approach. + +He rose, went to the railing beyond which the crowd had gathered, and +began blessing them and answering their questions, but in a voice so +weak that he was touched with pity for himself. Yet despite his wish to +receive them all he could not do it. Things again grew dark before his +eyes, and he staggered and grasped the railings. He felt a rush of blood +to his head and first went pale and then suddenly flushed. + +'I must leave the rest till to-morrow. I cannot do more to-day,' +and, pronouncing a general benediction, he returned to the bench. The +merchant again supported him, and leading him by the arm helped him to +be seated. + +'Father!' came voices from the crowd. 'Dear Father! Do not forsake us. +Without you we are lost!' + +The merchant, having seated Father Sergius on the bench under the elm, +took on himself police duties and drove the people off very resolutely. +It is true that he spoke in a low voice so that Father Sergius might not +hear him, but his words were incisive and angry. + +'Be off, be off! He has blessed you, and what more do you want? Get +along with you, or I'll wring your necks! Move on there! Get along, you +old woman with your dirty leg-bands! Go, go! Where are you shoving to? +You've been told that it is finished. To-morrow will be as God wills, +but for to-day he has finished!' + +'Father! Only let my eyes have a glimpse of his dear face!' said an old +woman. + +'I'll glimpse you! Where are you shoving to?' + +Father Sergius noticed that the merchant seemed to be acting roughly, +and in a feeble voice told the attendant that the people should not be +driven away. He knew that they would be driven away all the same, and +he much desired to be left alone and to rest, but he sent the attendant +with that message to produce an impression. + +'All right, all right! I am not driving them away. I am only +remonstrating with them,' replied the merchant. 'You know they wouldn't +hesitate to drive a man to death. They have no pity, they only consider +themselves.... You've been told you cannot see him. Go away! +To-morrow!' And he got rid of them all. + +He took all these pains because he liked order and liked to domineer +and drive the people away, but chiefly because he wanted to have Father +Sergius to himself. He was a widower with an only daughter who was an +invalid and unmarried, and whom he had brought fourteen hundred versts +to Father Sergius to be healed. For two years past he had been taking +her to different places to be cured: first to the university clinic in +the chief town of the province, but that did no good; then to a peasant +in the province of Samara, where she got a little better; then to a +doctor in Moscow to whom he paid much money, but this did no good at +all. Now he had been told that Father Sergius wrought cures, and had +brought her to him. So when all the people had been driven away he +approached Father Sergius, and suddenly falling on his knees loudly +exclaimed: + +'Holy Father! Bless my afflicted offspring that she may be healed of her +malady. I venture to prostrate myself at your holy feet.' + +And he placed one hand on the other, cup-wise. He said and did all this +as if he were doing something clearly and firmly appointed by law and +usage--as if one must and should ask for a daughter to be cured in just +this way and no other. He did it with such conviction that it seemed +even to Father Sergius that it should be said and done in just that way, +but nevertheless he bade him rise and tell him what the trouble was. The +merchant said that his daughter, a girl of twenty-two, had fallen ill +two years ago, after her mother's sudden death. She had moaned (as +he expressed it) and since then had not been herself. And now he had +brought her fourteen hundred versts and she was waiting in the hostelry +till Father Sergius should give orders to bring her. She did not go out +during the day, being afraid of the light, and could only come after +sunset. + +'Is she very weak?' asked Father Sergius. + +'No, she has no particular weakness. She is quite plump, and is only +"nerastenic" the doctors say. If you will only let me bring her this +evening, Father Sergius, I'll fly like a spirit to fetch her. Holy +Father! Revive a parent's heart, restore his line, save his afflicted +daughter by your prayers!' And the merchant again threw himself on his +knees and bending sideways, with his head resting on his clenched fists, +remained stock still. Father Sergius again told him to get up, and +thinking how heavy his activities were and how he went through with them +patiently notwithstanding, he sighed heavily and after a few seconds of +silence, said: + +'Well, bring her this evening. I will pray for her, but now I am +tired....' and he closed his eyes. 'I will send for you.' + +The merchant went away, stepping on tiptoe, which only made his boots +creak the louder, and Father Sergius remained alone. + +His whole life was filled by Church services and by people who came +to see him, but to-day had been a particularly difficult one. In +the morning an important official had arrived and had had a long +conversation with him; after that a lady had come with her son. This son +was a sceptical young professor whom the mother, an ardent believer and +devoted to Father Sergius, had brought that he might talk to him. The +conversation had been very trying. The young man, evidently not wishing +to have a controversy with a monk, had agreed with him in everything +as with someone who was mentally inferior. Father Sergius saw that the +young man did not believe but yet was satisfied, tranquil, and at ease, +and the memory of that conversation now disquieted him. + +'Have something to eat, Father,' said the attendant. + +'All right, bring me something.' + +The attendant went to a hut that had been arranged some ten paces from +the cave, and Father Sergius remained alone. + +The time was long past when he had lived alone doing everything for +himself and eating only rye-bread, or rolls prepared for the Church. He +had been advised long since that he had no right to neglect his health, +and he was given wholesome, though Lenten, food. He ate sparingly, +though much more than he had done, and often he ate with much pleasure, +and not as formerly with aversion and a sense of guilt. So it was now. +He had some gruel, drank a cup of tea, and ate half a white roll. + +The attendant went away, and Father Sergius remained alone under the elm +tree. + +It was a wonderful May evening, when the birches, aspens, elms, wild +cherries, and oaks, had just burst into foliage. + +The bush of wild cherries behind the elm tree was in full bloom and had +not yet begun to shed its blossoms, and the nightingales--one quite near +at hand and two or three others in the bushes down by the river--burst +into full song after some preliminary twitters. From the river came the +far-off songs of peasants returning, no doubt, from their work. The sun +was setting behind the forest, its last rays glowing through the leaves. +All that side was brilliant green, the other side with the elm tree was +dark. The cockchafers flew clumsily about, falling to the ground when +they collided with anything. + +After supper Father Sergius began to repeat a silent prayer: 'O Lord +Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon us!' and then he read a psalm, +and suddenly in the middle of the psalm a sparrow flew out from the +bush, alighted on the ground, and hopped towards him chirping as it +came, but then it took fright at something and flew away. He said a +prayer which referred to his abandonment of the world, and hastened to +finish it in order to send for the merchant with the sick daughter. She +interested him in that she presented a distraction, and because both she +and her father considered him a saint whose prayers were efficacious. +Outwardly he disavowed that idea, but in the depths of his soul he +considered it to be true. + +He was often amazed that this had happened, that he, Stepan Kasatsky, +had come to be such an extraordinary saint and even a worker of +miracles, but of the fact that he was such there could not be the +least doubt. He could not fail to believe in the miracles he himself +witnessed, beginning with the sick boy and ending with the old woman who +had recovered her sight when he had prayed for her. + +Strange as it might be, it was so. Accordingly the merchant's daughter +interested him as a new individual who had faith in him, and also as a +fresh opportunity to confirm his healing powers and enhance his fame. +'They bring people a thousand versts and write about it in the papers. +The Emperor knows of it, and they know of it in Europe, in unbelieving +Europe'--thought he. And suddenly he felt ashamed of his vanity and +again began to pray. 'Lord, King of Heaven, Comforter, Soul of Truth! +Come and enter into me and cleanse me from all sin and save and bless +my soul. Cleanse me from the sin of worldly vanity that troubles me!' he +repeated, and he remembered how often he had prayed about this and how +vain till now his prayers had been in that respect. His prayers worked +miracles for others, but in his own case God had not granted him +liberation from this petty passion. + +He remembered his prayers at the commencement of his life at the +hermitage, when he prayed for purity, humility, and love, and how it +seemed to him then that God heard his prayers. He had retained his +purity and had chopped off his finger. And he lifted the shrivelled +stump of that finger to his lips and kissed it. It seemed to him now +that he had been humble then when he had always seemed loathsome to +himself on account of his sinfulness; and when he remembered the tender +feelings with which he had then met an old man who was bringing a +drunken soldier to him to ask alms; and how he had received HER, it +seemed to him that he had then possessed love also. But now? And he +asked himself whether he loved anyone, whether he loved Sofya Ivanovna, +or Father Seraphim, whether he had any feeling of love for all who had +come to him that day--for that learned young man with whom he had had +that instructive discussion in which he was concerned only to show off +his own intelligence and that he had not lagged behind the times in +knowledge. He wanted and needed their love, but felt none towards them. +He now had neither love nor humility nor purity. + +He was pleased to know that the merchant's daughter was twenty-two, and +he wondered whether she was good-looking. When he inquired whether she +was weak, he really wanted to know if she had feminine charm. + +'Can I have fallen so low?' he thought. 'Lord, help me! Restore me, my +Lord and God!' And he clasped his hands and began to pray. + +The nightingales burst into song, a cockchafer knocked against him and +crept up the back of his neck. He brushed it off. 'But does He exist? +What if I am knocking at a door fastened from outside? The bar is on the +door for all to see. Nature--the nightingales and the cockchafers--is +that bar. Perhaps the young man was right.' And he began to pray aloud. +He prayed for a long time till these thoughts vanished and he again felt +calm and confident. He rang the bell and told the attendant to say that +the merchant might bring his daughter to him now. + +The merchant came, leading his daughter by the arm. He led her into the +cell and immediately left her. + +She was a very fair girl, plump and very short, with a pale, frightened, +childish face and a much developed feminine figure. Father Sergius +remained seated on the bench at the entrance and when she was passing +and stopped beside him for his blessing he was aghast at himself for +the way he looked at her figure. As she passed by him he was acutely +conscious of her femininity, though he saw by her face that she was +sensual and feeble-minded. He rose and went into the cell. She was +sitting on a stool waiting for him, and when he entered she rose. + +'I want to go back to Papa,' she said. + +'Don't be afraid,' he replied. 'What are you suffering from?' + +'I am in pain all over,' she said, and suddenly her face lit up with a +smile. + +'You will be well,' said he. 'Pray!' + +'What is the use of praying? I have prayed and it does no good'--and she +continued to smile. 'I want you to pray for me and lay your hands on me. +I saw you in a dream.' + +'How did you see me?' + +'I saw you put your hands on my breast like that.' She took his hand and +pressed it to her breast. 'Just here.' + +He yielded his right hand to her. + +'What is your name?' he asked, trembling all over and feeling that he +was overcome and that his desire had already passed beyond control. + +'Marie. Why?' + +She took his hand and kissed it, and then put her arm round his waist +and pressed him to herself. + +'What are you doing?' he said. 'Marie, you are a devil!' + +'Oh, perhaps. What does it matter?' + +And embracing him she sat down with him on the bed. + +At dawn he went out into the porch. + +'Can this all have happened? Her father will come and she will tell him +everything. She is a devil! What am I to do? Here is the axe with which +I chopped off my finger.' He snatched up the axe and moved back towards +the cell. + +The attendant came up. + +'Do you want some wood chopped? Let me have the axe.' + +Sergius yielded up the axe and entered the cell. She was lying +there asleep. He looked at her with horror, and passed on beyond the +partition, where he took down the peasant clothes and put them on. Then +he seized a pair of scissors, cut off his long hair, and went out along +the path down the hill to the river, where he had not been for more than +three years. + +A road ran beside the river and he went along it and walked till noon. +Then he went into a field of rye and lay down there. Towards evening +he approached a village, but without entering it went towards the cliff +that overhung the river. There he again lay down to rest. + +It was early morning, half an hour before sunrise. All was damp and +gloomy and a cold early wind was blowing from the west. 'Yes, I must end +it all. There is no God. But how am I to end it? Throw myself into the +river? I can swim and should not drown. Hang myself? Yes, just throw +this sash over a branch.' This seemed so feasible and so easy that +he felt horrified. As usual at moments of despair he felt the need of +prayer. But there was no one to pray to. There was no God. He lay down +resting on his arm, and suddenly such a longing for sleep overcame him +that he could no longer support his head on his hand, but stretched out +his arm, laid his head upon it, and fell asleep. But that sleep lasted +only for a moment. He woke up immediately and began not to dream but to +remember. + +He saw himself as a child in his mother's home in the country. A +carriage drives up, and out of it steps Uncle Nicholas Sergeevich, +with his long, spade-shaped, black beard, and with him Pashenka, a thin +little girl with large mild eyes and a timid pathetic face. And into +their company of boys Pashenka is brought and they have to play with +her, but it is dull. She is silly, and it ends by their making fun of +her and forcing her to show how she can swim. She lies down on the floor +and shows them, and they all laugh and make a fool of her. She sees this +and blushes red in patches and becomes more pitiable than before, +so pitiable that he feels ashamed and can never forget that crooked, +kindly, submissive smile. And Sergius remembered having seen her since +then. Long after, just before he became a monk, she had married a +landowner who squandered all her fortune and was in the habit of beating +her. She had had two children, a son and a daughter, but the son had +died while still young. And Sergius remembered having seen her very +wretched. Then again he had seen her in the monastery when she was a +widow. She had been still the same, not exactly stupid, but insipid, +insignificant, and pitiable. She had come with her daughter and her +daughter's fiance. They were already poor at that time and later on he +had heard that she was living in a small provincial town and was very +poor. + +'Why am I thinking about her?' he asked himself, but he could not cease +doing so. 'Where is she? How is she getting on? Is she still as unhappy +as she was then when she had to show us how to swim on the floor? But +why should I think about her? What am I doing? I must put an end to +myself.' + +And again he felt afraid, and again, to escape from that thought, he +went on thinking about Pashenka. + +So he lay for a long time, thinking now of his unavoidable end and now +of Pashenka. She presented herself to him as a means of salvation. At +last he fell asleep, and in his sleep he saw an angel who came to him +and said: 'Go to Pashenka and learn from her what you have to do, what +your sin is, and wherein lies your salvation.' + +He awoke, and having decided that this was a vision sent by God, he felt +glad, and resolved to do what had been told him in the vision. He knew +the town where she lived. It was some three hundred versts (two hundred +miles) away, and he set out to walk there. + + + + +VI + +Pashenka had already long ceased to be Pashenka and had become old, +withered, wrinkled Praskovya Mikhaylovna, mother-in-law of that failure, +the drunken official Mavrikyev. She was living in the country town +where he had had his last appointment, and there she was supporting the +family: her daughter, her ailing neurasthenic son-in-law, and her five +grandchildren. She did this by giving music lessons to tradesmen's +daughters, giving four and sometimes five lessons a day of an hour each, +and earning in this way some sixty rubles (6 pounds) a month. So they +lived for the present, in expectation of another appointment. She had +sent letters to all her relations and acquaintances asking them to +obtain a post for her son-in-law, and among the rest she had written to +Sergius, but that letter had not reached him. + +It was a Saturday, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was herself mixing dough +for currant bread such as the serf-cook on her father's estate used +to make so well. She wished to give her grandchildren a treat on the +Sunday. + +Masha, her daughter, was nursing her youngest child, the eldest boy and +girl were at school, and her son-in-law was asleep, not having slept +during the night. Praskovya Mikhaylovna had remained awake too for a +great part of the night, trying to soften her daughter's anger against +her husband. + +She saw that it was impossible for her son-in-law, a weak creature, to +be other than he was, and realized that his wife's reproaches could do +no good--so she used all her efforts to soften those reproaches and to +avoid recrimination and anger. Unkindly relations between people caused +her actual physical suffering. It was so clear to her that bitter +feelings do not make anything better, but only make everything worse. +She did not in fact think about this: she simply suffered at the sight +of anger as she would from a bad smell, a harsh noise, or from blows on +her body. + +She had--with a feeling of self-satisfaction--just taught Lukerya how +to mix the dough, when her six-year-old grandson Misha, wearing an +apron and with darned stockings on his crooked little legs, ran into the +kitchen with a frightened face. + +'Grandma, a dreadful old man wants to see you.' + +Lukerya looked out at the door. + +'There is a pilgrim of some kind, a man...' + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna rubbed her thin elbows against one another, wiped +her hands on her apron and went upstairs to get a five-kopek piece +[about a penny] out of her purse for him, but remembering that she had +nothing less than a ten-kopek piece she decided to give him some bread +instead. She returned to the cupboard, but suddenly blushed at the +thought of having grudged the ten-kopek piece, and telling Lukerya to +cut a slice of bread, went upstairs again to fetch it. 'It serves you +right,' she said to herself. 'You must now give twice over.' + +She gave both the bread and the money to the pilgrim, and when doing +so--far from being proud of her generosity--she excused herself for +giving so little. The man had such an imposing appearance. + +Though he had tramped two hundred versts as a beggar, though he was +tattered and had grown thin and weatherbeaten, though he had cropped his +long hair and was wearing a peasant's cap and boots, and though he bowed +very humbly, Sergius still had the impressive appearance that made him +so attractive. But Praskovya Mikhaylovna did not recognize him. She +could hardly do so, not having seen him for almost twenty years. + +'Don't think ill of me, Father. Perhaps you want something to eat?' + +He took the bread and the money, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was surprised +that he did not go, but stood looking at her. + +'Pashenka, I have come to you! Take me in...' + +His beautiful black eyes, shining with the tears that started in them, +were fixed on her with imploring insistence. And under his greyish +moustache his lips quivered piteously. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna pressed her hands to her withered breast, opened +her mouth, and stood petrified, staring at the pilgrim with dilated +eyes. + +'It can't be! Stepa! Sergey! Father Sergius!' + +'Yes, it is I,' said Sergius in a low voice. 'Only not Sergius, or +Father Sergius, but a great sinner, Stepan Kasatsky--a great and lost +sinner. Take me in and help me!' + +'It's impossible! How have you so humbled yourself? But come in.' + +She reached out her hand, but he did not take it and only followed her +in. + +But where was she to take him? The lodging was a small one. Formerly +she had had a tiny room, almost a closet, for herself, but later she had +given it up to her daughter, and Masha was now sitting there rocking the +baby. + +'Sit here for the present,' she said to Sergius, pointing to a bench in +the kitchen. + +He sat down at once, and with an evidently accustomed movement slipped +the straps of his wallet first off one shoulder and then off the other. + +'My God, my God! How you have humbled yourself, Father! Such great fame, +and now like this...' + +Sergius did not reply, but only smiled meekly, placing his wallet under +the bench on which he sat. + +'Masha, do you know who this is?'--And in a whisper Praskovya +Mikhaylovna told her daughter who he was, and together they then carried +the bed and the cradle out of the tiny room and cleared it for Sergius. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna led him into it. + +'Here you can rest. Don't take offence... but I must go out.' + +'Where to?' + +'I have to go to a lesson. I am ashamed to tell you, but I teach music!' + +'Music? But that is good. Only just one thing, Praskovya Mikhaylovna, +I have come to you with a definite object. When can I have a talk with +you?' + +'I shall be very glad. Will this evening do?' + +'Yes. But one thing more. Don't speak about me, or say who I am. I have +revealed myself only to you. No one knows where I have gone to. It must +be so.' + +'Oh, but I have told my daughter.' + +'Well, ask her not to mention it.' + +And Sergius took off his boots, lay down, and at once fell asleep after +a sleepless night and a walk of nearly thirty miles. + +When Praskovya Mikhaylovna returned, Sergius was sitting in the little +room waiting for her. He did not come out for dinner, but had some soup +and gruel which Lukerya brought him. + +'How is it that you have come back earlier than you said?' asked +Sergius. 'Can I speak to you now?' + +'How is it that I have the happiness to receive such a guest? I have +missed one of my lessons. That can wait... I had always been planning +to go to see you. I wrote to you, and now this good fortune has come.' + +'Pashenka, please listen to what I am going to tell you as to a +confession made to God at my last hour. Pashenka, I am not a holy man, +I am not even as good as a simple ordinary man; I am a loathsome, +vile, and proud sinner who has gone astray, and who, if not worse than +everyone else, is at least worse than most very bad people.' + +Pashenka looked at him at first with staring eyes. But she believed what +he said, and when she had quite grasped it she touched his hand, smiling +pityingly, and said: + +'Perhaps you exaggerate, Stiva?' + +'No, Pashenka. I am an adulterer, a murderer, a blasphemer, and a +deceiver.' + +'My God! How is that?' exclaimed Praskovya Mikhaylovna. + +'But I must go on living. And I, who thought I knew everything, who +taught others how to live--I know nothing and ask you to teach me.' + +'What are you saying, Stiva? You are laughing at me. Why do you always +make fun of me?' + +'Well, if you think I am jesting you must have it as you please. But +tell me all the same how you live, and how you have lived your life.' + +'I? I have lived a very nasty, horrible life, and now God is punishing +me as I deserve. I live so wretchedly, so wretchedly...' + +'How was it with your marriage? How did you live with your husband?' + +'It was all bad. I married because I fell in love in the nastiest way. +Papa did not approve. But I would not listen to anything and just +got married. Then instead of helping my husband I tormented him by my +jealousy, which I could not restrain.' + +'I heard that he drank...' + +'Yes, but I did not give him any peace. I always reproached him, though +you know it is a disease! He could not refrain from it. I now remember +how I tried to prevent his having it, and the frightful scenes we had!' + +And she looked at Kasatsky with beautiful eyes, suffering from the +remembrance. + +Kasatsky remembered how he had been told that Pashenka's husband used +to beat her, and now, looking at her thin withered neck with prominent +veins behind her ears, and her scanty coil of hair, half grey half +auburn, he seemed to see just how it had occurred. + +'Then I was left with two children and no means at all.' + +'But you had an estate!' + +'Oh, we sold that while Vasya was still alive, and the money was all +spent. We had to live, and like all our young ladies I did not know how +to earn anything. I was particularly useless and helpless. So we spent +all we had. I taught the children and improved my own education a +little. And then Mitya fell ill when he was already in the fourth +form, and God took him. Masha fell in love with Vanya, my son-in-law. +And--well, he is well-meaning but unfortunate. He is ill.' + +'Mamma!'--her daughter's voice interrupted her--'Take Mitya! I can't be +in two places at once.' + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna shuddered, but rose and went out of the room, +stepping quickly in her patched shoes. She soon came back with a boy of +two in her arms, who threw himself backwards and grabbed at her shawl +with his little hands. + +'Where was I? Oh yes, he had a good appointment here, and his chief +was a kind man too. But Vanya could not go on, and had to give up his +position.' + +'What is the matter with him?' + +'Neurasthenia--it is a dreadful complaint. We consulted a doctor, who +told us he ought to go away, but we had no means.... I always hope it +will pass of itself. He has no particular pain, but...' + +'Lukerya!' cried an angry and feeble voice. 'She is always sent away +when I want her. Mamma...' + +'I'm coming!' Praskovya Mikhaylovna again interrupted herself. 'He has +not had his dinner yet. He can't eat with us.' + +She went out and arranged something, and came back wiping her thin dark +hands. + +'So that is how I live. I always complain and am always dissatisfied, +but thank God the grandchildren are all nice and healthy, and we can +still live. But why talk about me?' + +'But what do you live on?' + +'Well, I earn a little. How I used to dislike music, but how useful it +is to me now!' Her small hand lay on the chest of drawers beside which +she was sitting, and she drummed an exercise with her thin fingers. + +'How much do you get for a lesson?' + +'Sometimes a ruble, sometimes fifty kopeks, or sometimes thirty. They +are all so kind to me.' + +'And do your pupils get on well?' asked Kasatsky with a slight smile. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna did not at first believe that he was asking +seriously, and looked inquiringly into his eyes. + +'Some of them do. One of them is a splendid girl--the butcher's +daughter--such a good kind girl! If I were a clever woman I ought, of +course, with the connexions Papa had, to be able to get an appointment +for my son-in-law. But as it is I have not been able to do anything, and +have brought them all to this--as you see.' + +'Yes, yes,' said Kasatsky, lowering his head. 'And how is it, +Pashenka--do you take part in Church life?' + +'Oh, don't speak of it. I am so bad that way, and have neglected it so! +I keep the fasts with the children and sometimes go to church, and then +again sometimes I don't go for months. I only send the children.' + +'But why don't you go yourself?' + +'To tell the truth' (she blushed) 'I am ashamed, for my daughter's +sake and the children's, to go there in tattered clothes, and I haven't +anything else. Besides, I am just lazy.' + +'And do you pray at home?' + +'I do. But what sort of prayer is it? Only mechanical. I know it should +not be like that, but I lack real religious feeling. The only thing is +that I know how bad I am...' + +'Yes, yes, that's right!' said Kasatsky, as if approvingly. + +'I'm coming! I'm coming!' she replied to a call from her son-in-law, and +tidying her scanty plait she left the room. + +But this time it was long before she returned. When she came back, +Kasatsky was sitting in the same position, his elbows resting on his +knees and his head bowed. But his wallet was strapped on his back. + +When she came in, carrying a small tin lamp without a shade, he raised +his fine weary eyes and sighed very deeply. + +'I did not tell them who you are,' she began timidly. 'I only said that +you are a pilgrim, a nobleman, and that I used to know you. Come into +the dining-room for tea.' + +'No...' + +'Well then, I'll bring some to you here.' + +'No, I don't want anything. God bless you, Pashenka! I am going now. If +you pity me, don't tell anyone that you have seen me. For the love of +God don't tell anyone. Thank you. I would bow to your feet but I know +it would make you feel awkward. Thank you, and forgive me for Christ's +sake!' + +'Give me your blessing.' + +'God bless you! Forgive me for Christ's sake!' + +He rose, but she would not let him go until she had given him bread and +butter and rusks. He took it all and went away. + +It was dark, and before he had passed the second house he was lost to +sight. She only knew he was there because the dog at the priest's house +was barking. + +'So that is what my dream meant! Pashenka is what I ought to have been +but failed to be. I lived for men on the pretext of living for God, +while she lived for God imagining that she lives for men. Yes, one good +deed--a cup of water given without thought of reward--is worth more +than any benefit I imagined I was bestowing on people. But after all was +there not some share of sincere desire to serve God?' he asked himself, +and the answer was: 'Yes, there was, but it was all soiled and overgrown +by desire for human praise. Yes, there is no God for the man who lives, +as I did, for human praise. I will now seek Him!' + +And he walked from village to village as he had done on his way to +Pashenka, meeting and parting from other pilgrims, men and women, and +asking for bread and a night's rest in Christ's name. Occasionally some +angry housewife scolded him, or a drunken peasant reviled him, but for +the most part he was given food and drink and even something to take +with him. His noble bearing disposed some people in his favour, while +others on the contrary seemed pleased at the sight of a gentleman who +had come to beggary. + +But his gentleness prevailed with everyone. + +Often, finding a copy of the Gospels in a hut he would read it aloud, +and when they heard him the people were always touched and surprised, as +at something new yet familiar. + +When he succeeded in helping people, either by advice, or by his +knowledge of reading and writing, or by settling some quarrel, he did +not wait to see their gratitude but went away directly afterwards. And +little by little God began to reveal Himself within him. + +Once he was walking along with two old women and a soldier. They were +stopped by a party consisting of a lady and gentleman in a gig and +another lady and gentleman on horseback. The husband was on horseback +with his daughter, while in the gig his wife was driving with a +Frenchman, evidently a traveller. + +The party stopped to let the Frenchman see the pilgrims who, in accord +with a popular Russian superstition, tramped about from place to place +instead of working. + +They spoke French, thinking that the others would not understand them. + +'Demandez-leur,' said the Frenchman, 's'ils sont bien sur de ce que leur +pelerinage est agreable a Dieu.' + +The question was asked, and one old woman replied: + +'As God takes it. Our feet have reached the holy places, but our hearts +may not have done so.' + +They asked the soldier. He said that he was alone in the world and had +nowhere else to go. + +They asked Kasatsky who he was. + +'A servant of God.' + +'Qu'est-ce qu'il dit? Il ne repond pas.' + +'Il dit qu'il est un serviteur de Dieu. Cela doit etre un fils de +preetre. Il a de la race. Avez-vous de la petite monnaie?' + +The Frenchman found some small change and gave twenty kopeks to each of +the pilgrims. + +'Mais dites-leur que ce n'est pas pour les cierges que je leur donne, +mais pour qu'ils se regalent de the. Chay, chay pour vous, mon vieux!' +he said with a smile. And he patted Kasatsky on the shoulder with his +gloved hand. + +'May Christ bless you,' replied Kasatsky without replacing his cap and +bowing his bald head. + +He rejoiced particularly at this meeting, because he had disregarded the +opinion of men and had done the simplest, easiest thing--humbly accepted +twenty kopeks and given them to his comrade, a blind beggar. The less +importance he attached to the opinion of men the more did he feel the +presence of God within him. + +For eight months Kasatsky tramped on in this manner, and in the ninth +month he was arrested for not having a passport. This happened at a +night-refuge in a provincial town where he had passed the night with +some pilgrims. He was taken to the police-station, and when asked who he +was and where was his passport, he replied that he had no passport and +that he was a servant of God. He was classed as a tramp, sentenced, and +sent to live in Siberia. + +In Siberia he has settled down as the hired man of a well-to-do peasant, +in which capacity he works in the kitchen-garden, teaches children, and +attends to the sick. + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Father Sergius, by Leo Tolstoy + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FATHER SERGIUS *** + +***** This file should be named 985.txt or 985.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/9/8/985/ + +Produced by Judith Boss + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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An officer of the Cuirassier Life Guards, a handsome +prince who everyone predicted would become aide-de-camp to the +Emperor Nicholas I and have a brilliant career, left the service, +broke off his engagement to a beautiful maid of honour, a +favourite of the Empress's, gave his small estate to his sister, +and retired to a monastery to become a monk. + +This event appeared extraordinary and inexplicable to those who +did not know his inner motives, but for Prince Stepan Kasatsky +himself it all occurred so naturally that he could not imagine +how he could have acted otherwise. + +His father, a retired colonel of the Guards, had died when Stepan +was twelve, and sorry as his mother was to part from her son, she +entered him at the Military College as her deceased husband had +intended. + +The widow herself, with her daughter, Varvara, moved to +Petersburg to be near her son and have him with her for the +holidays. + +The boy was distinguished both by his brilliant ability and by +his immense self-esteem. He was first both in his +studies--especially in mathematics, of which he was particularly +fond--and also in drill and in riding. Though of more than +average height, he was handsome and agile, and he would have been +an altogether exemplary cadet had it not been for his quick +temper. He was remarkably truthful, and was neither dissipated +nor addicted to drink. The only faults that marred his conduct +were fits of fury to which he was subject and during which he +lost control of himself and became like a wild animal. He once +nearly threw out of the window another cadet who had begun to +tease him about his collection of minerals. On another occasion +he came almost completely to grief by flinging a whole dish of +cutlets at an officer who was acting as steward, attacking him +and, it was said, striking him for having broken his word and +told a barefaced lie. He would certainly have been reduced to +the ranks had not the Director of the College hushed up the whole +matter and dismissed the steward. + +By the time he was eighteen he had finished his College course +and received a commission as lieutenant in an aristocratic +regiment of the Guards. + +The Emperor Nicholas Pavlovich (Nicholas I) had noticed him while +he was still at the College, and continued to take notice of him +in the regiment, and it was on this account that people predicted +for him an appointment as aide-de-camp to the Emperor. Kasatsky +himself strongly desired it, not from ambition only but chiefly +because since his cadet days he had been passionately devoted to +Nicholas Pavlovich. The Emperor had often visited the Military +College and every time Kasatsky saw that tall erect figure, with +breast expanded in its military overcoat, entering with brisk +step, saw the cropped side-whiskers, the moustache, the aquiline +nose, and heard the sonorous voice exchanging greetings with the +cadets, he was seized by the same rapture that he experienced +later on when he met the woman he loved. Indeed, his passionate +adoration of the Emperor was even stronger: he wished to +sacrifice something--everything, even himself--to prove his +complete devotion. And the Emperor Nicholas was conscious of +evoking this rapture and deliberately aroused it. He played with +the cadets, surrounded himself with them, treating them sometimes +with childish simplicity, sometimes as a friend, and then again +with majestic solemnity. After that affair with the officer, +Nicholas Pavlovich said nothing to Kasatsky, but when the latter +approached he waved him away theatrically, frowned, shook his +finger at him, and afterwards when leaving, said: 'Remember that +I know everything. There are some things I would rather not +know, but they remain here,' and he pointed to his heart. + +When on leaving College the cadets were received by the Emperor, +he did not again refer to Kasatsky's offence, but told them all, +as was his custom, that they should serve him and the fatherland +loyally, that he would always be their best friend, and that when +necessary they might approach him direct. All the cadets were as +usual greatly moved, and Kasatsky even shed tears, remembering +the past, and vowed that he would serve his beloved Tsar with all +his soul. + +When Kasatsky took up his commission his mother moved with her +daughter first to Moscow and then to their country estate. +Kasatsky gave half his property to his sister and kept only +enough to maintain himself in the expensive regiment he had +joined. + +To all appearance he was just an ordinary, brilliant young +officer of the Guards making a career for himself; but intense +and complex strivings went on within him. From early childhood +his efforts had seemed to be very varied, but essentially they +were all one and the same. He tried in everything he took up to +attain such success and perfection as would evoke praise and +surprise. Whether it was his studies or his military exercises, +he took them up and worked at them till he was praised and held +up as an example to others. Mastering one subject he took up +another, and obtained first place in his studies. For example, +while still at College he noticed in himself an awkwardness in +French conversation, and contrived to master French till he spoke +it as well as Russian, and then he took up chess and became an +excellent player. + +Apart from his main vocation, which was the service of his Tsar +and the fatherland, he always set himself some particular aim, +and however unimportant it was, devoted himself completely to it +and lived for it until it was accomplished. And as soon as it +was attained another aim would immediately present itself, +replacing its predecessor. This passion for distinguishing +himself, or for accomplishing something in order to distinguish +himself, filled his life. On taking up his commission he set +himself to acquire the utmost perfection in knowledge of the +service, and very soon became a model officer, though still with +the same fault of ungovernable irascibility, which here in the +service again led him to commit actions inimical to his success. +Then he took to reading, having once in conversation in society +felt himself deficient in general education--and again achieved +his purpose. Then, wishing to secure a brilliant position in +high society, he learnt to dance excellently and very soon was +invited to all the balls in the best circles, and to some of +their evening gatherings. But this did not satisfy him: he was +accustomed to being first, and in this society was far from being +so. + +The highest society then consisted, and I think always consist, +of four sorts of people: rich people who are received at Court, +people not wealthy but born and brought up in Court circles, rich +people who ingratiate themselves into the Court set, and people +neither rich nor belonging to the Court but who ingratiate +themselves into the first and second sets. + +Kasatsky did not belong to the first two sets, but was readily +welcomed in the others. On entering society he determined to +have relations with some society lady, and to his own surprise +quickly accomplished this purpose. He soon realized, however, +that the circles in which he moved were not the highest, and that +though he was received in the highest spheres he did not belong +to them. They were polite to him, but showed by their whole +manner that they had their own set and that he was not of it. +And Kasatsky wished to belong to that inner circle. To attain +that end it would be necessary to be an aide-de-camp to the +Emperor--which he expected to become--or to marry into that +exclusive set, which he resolved to do. And his choice fell on a +beauty belonging to the Court, who not merely belonged to the +circle into which he wished to be accepted, but whose friendship +was coveted by the very highest people and those most firmly +established in that highest circle. This was Countess Korotkova. +Kasatsky began to pay court to her, and not merely for the sake +of his career. She was extremely attractive and he soon fell in +love with her. At first she was noticeably cool towards him, but +then suddenly changed and became gracious, and her mother gave +him pressing invitations to visit them. Kasatsky proposed and +was accepted. He was surprised at the facility with which he +attained such happiness. But though he noticed something strange +and unusual in the behaviour towards him of both mother and +daughter, he was blinded by being so deeply in love, and did not +realize what almost the whole town knew--namely, that his fiancee +had been the Emperor Nicholas's mistress the previous year. + +Two weeks before the day arranged for the wedding, Kasatsky was +at Tsarskoe Selo at his fiancee's country place. It was a hot +day in May. He and his betrothed had walked about the garden and +were sitting on a bench in a shady linden alley. Mary's white +muslin dress suited her particularly well, and she seemed the +personification of innocence and love as she sat, now bending her +head, now gazing up at the very tall and handsome man who was +speaking to her with particular tenderness and self-restraint, as +if he feared by word or gesture to offend or sully her angelic +purity. + +Kasatsky belonged to those men of the eighteen-forties (they are +now no longer to be found) who while deliberately and without any +conscientious scruples condoning impurity in themselves, required +ideal and angelic purity in their women, regarded all unmarried +women of their circle as possessed of such purity, and treated +them accordingly. There was much that was false and harmful in +this outlook, as concerning the laxity the men permitted +themselves, but in regard to the women that old-fashioned view +(sharply differing from that held by young people to-day who see +in every girl merely a female seeking a mate) was, I think, of +value. The girls, perceiving such adoration, endeavoured with +more or less success to be goddesses. + +Such was the view Kasatsky held of women, and that was how he +regarded his fiancee. He was particularly in love that day, but +did not experience any sensual desire for her. On the contrary +he regarded her with tender adoration as something unattainable. + +He rose to his full height, standing before her with both hands +on his sabre. + +'I have only now realized what happiness a man can experience! +And it is you, my darling, who have given me this happiness,' he +said with a timid smile. + +Endearments had not yet become usual between them, and feeling +himself morally inferior he felt terrified at this stage to use +them to such an angel. + +'It is thanks to you that I have come to know myself. I have +learnt that I am better than I thought.' + +'I have known that for a long time. That was why I began to love +you.' + +Nightingales trilled near by and the fresh leafage rustled, moved +by a passing breeze. + +He took her hand and kissed it, and tears came into his eyes. + +She understood that he was thanking her for having said she loved +him. He silently took a few steps up and down, and then +approached her again and sat down. + +'You know . . . I have to tell you . . . I was not disinterested +when I began to make love to you. I wanted to get into society; +but later . . . how unimportant that became in comparison with +you--when I got to know you. You are not angry with me for that?' + +She did not reply but merely touched his hand. He understood +that this meant: 'No, I am not angry.' + +'You said . . .' He hesitated. It seemed too bold to say. 'You +said that you began to love me. I believe it--but there is +something that troubles you and checks your feeling. What is +it?' + +'Yes--now or never!' thought she. 'He is bound to know of it +anyway. But now he will not forsake me. Ah, if he should, it +would be terrible!' And she threw a loving glance at his tall, +noble, powerful figure. She loved him now more than she had +loved the Tsar, and apart from the Imperial dignity would not +have preferred the Emperor to him. + +'Listen! I cannot deceive you. I have to tell you. You ask +what it is? It is that I have loved before.' + +She again laid her hand on his with an imploring gesture. He was +silent. + +'You want to know who it was? It was--the Emperor.' + +'We all love him. I can imagine you, a schoolgirl at the +Institute . . .' + +'No, it was later. I was infatuated, but it passed . . . I must +tell you . . .' + +'Well, what of it?' + +'No, it was not simply--' She covered her face with her hands. + +'What? You gave yourself to him?' + +She was silent. + +'His mistress?' + +She did not answer. + +He sprang up and stood before her with trembling jaws, pale as +death. He now remembered how the Emperor, meeting him on the +Nevsky, had amiably congratulated him. + +'O God, what have I done! Stiva!' + +'Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Oh, how it pains!' + +He turned away and went to the house. There he met her mother. + +'What is the matter, Prince? I . . .' She became silent on +seeing his face. The blood had suddenly rushed to his head. + +'You knew it, and used me to shield them! If you weren't a woman +. . . !' he cried, lifting his enormous fist, and turning aside +he ran away. + +Had his fiancee's lover been a private person he would have +killed him, but it was his beloved Tsar. + +Next day he applied both for furlough and his discharge, and +professing to be ill, so as to see no one, he went away to the +country. + +He spent the summer at his village arranging his affairs. When +summer was over he did not return to Petersburg, but entered a +monastery and there became a monk. + +His mother wrote to try to dissuade him from this decisive step, +but he replied that he felt God's call which transcended all +other considerations. Only his sister, who was as proud and +ambitious as he, understood him. + +She understood that he had become a monk in order to be above +those who considered themselves his superiors. And she understood +him correctly. By becoming a monk he showed contempt for all +that seemed most important to others and had seemed so to him +while he was in the service, and he now ascended a height from +which he could look down on those he had formerly envied. . . . +But it was not this alone, as his sister Varvara supposed, that +influenced him. There was also in him something else--a sincere +religious feeling which Varvara did not know, which intertwined +itself with the feeling of pride and the desire for pre-eminence, +and guided him. His disillusionment with Mary, whom he had +thought of angelic purity, and his sense of injury, were so +strong that they brought him to despair, and the despair led +him--to what? To God, to his childhood's faith which had never +been destroyed in him. + + + +II + +Kasatsky entered the monastery on the feast of the Intercession +of the Blessed Virgin. The Abbot of that monastery was a +gentleman by birth, a learned writer and a starets, that is, he +belonged to that succession of monks originating in Walachia who +each choose a director and teacher whom they implicitly obey. +This Superior had been a disciple of the starets Ambrose, who was +a disciple of Makarius, who was a disciple of the starets Leonid, +who was a disciple of Paussy Velichkovsky. + +To this Abbot Kasatsky submitted himself as to his chosen +director. Here in the monastery, besides the feeling of +ascendency over others that such a life gave him, he felt much as +he had done in the world: he found satisfaction in attaining the +greatest possible perfection outwardly as well as inwardly. As +in the regiment he had been not merely an irreproachable officer +but had even exceeded his duties and widened the borders of +perfection, so also as a monk he tried to be perfect, and was +always industrious, abstemious, submissive, and meek, as well as +pure both in deed and in thought, and obedient. This last +quality in particular made life far easier for him. If many of +the demands of life in the monastery, which was near the capital +and much frequented, did not please him and were temptations to +him, they were all nullified by obedience: 'It is not for me to +reason; my business is to do the task set me, whether it be +standing beside the relics, singing in the choir, or making up +accounts in the monastery guest-house.' All possibility of doubt +about anything was silenced by obedience to the starets. Had it +not been for this, he would have been oppressed by the length and +monotony of the church services, the bustle of the many visitors, +and the bad qualities of the other monks. As it was, he not only +bore it all joyfully but found in it solace and support. 'I +don't know why it is necessary to hear the same prayers several +times a day, but I know that it is necessary; and knowing this I +find joy in them.' His director told him that as material food +is necessary for the maintenance of the life of the body, so +spiritual food--the church prayers--is necessary for the +maintenance of the spiritual life. He believed this, and though +the church services, for which he had to get up early in the +morning, were a difficulty, they certainly calmed him and gave +him joy. This was the result of his consciousness of humility, +and the certainty that whatever he had to do, being fixed by the +starets, was right. + +The interest of his life consisted not only in an ever greater +and greater subjugation of his will, but in the attainment of all +the Christian virtues, which at first seemed to him easily +attainable. He had given his whole estate to his sister and did +not regret it, he had no personal claims, humility towards his +inferiors was not merely easy for him but afforded him pleasure. +Even victory over the sins of the flesh, greed and lust, was +easily attained. His director had specially warned him against +the latter sin, but Kasatsky felt free from it and was glad. + +One thing only tormented him--the remembrance of his fiancee; and +not merely the remembrance but the vivid image of what might have +been. Involuntarily he recalled a lady he knew who had been a +favourite of the Emperor's, but had afterwards married and become +an admirable wife and mother. The husband had a high position, +influence and honour, and a good and penitent wife. + +In his better hours Kasatsky was not disturbed by such thoughts, +and when he recalled them at such times he was merely glad to +feel that the temptation was past. But there were moments when +all that made up his present life suddenly grew dim before him, +moments when, if he did not cease to believe in the aims he had +set himself, he ceased to see them and could evoke no confidence +in them but was seized by a remembrance of, and--terrible to +say--a regret for, the change of life he had made. + +The only thing that saved him in that state of mind was obedience +and work, and the fact that the whole day was occupied by prayer. +He went through the usual forms of prayer, he bowed in prayer, he +even prayed more than usual, but it was lip-service only and his +soul was not in it. This condition would continue for a day, or +sometimes for two days, and would then pass of itself. But those +days were dreadful. Kasatsky felt that he was neither in his own +hands nor in God's, but was subject to something else. All he +could do then was to obey the starets, to restrain himself, to +undertake nothing, and simply to wait. In general all this time +he lived not by his own will but by that of the starets, and in +this obedience he found a special tranquillity. + +So he lived in his first monastery for seven years. At the end +of the third year he received the tonsure and was ordained to the +priesthood by the name of Sergius. The profession was an +important event in his inner life. He had previously experienced +a great consolation and spiritual exaltation when receiving +communion, and now when he himself officiated, the performance of +the preparation filled him with ecstatic and deep emotion. But +subsequently that feeling became more and more deadened, and once +when he was officiating in a depressed state of mind he felt that +the influence produced on him by the service would not endure. +And it did in fact weaken till only the habit remained. + +In general in the seventh year of his life in the monastery +Sergius grew weary. He had learnt all there was to learn and had +attained all there was to attain, there was nothing more to do +and his spiritual drowsiness increased. During this time he +heard of his mother's death and his sister Varvara's marriage, +but both events were matters of indifference to him. His whole +attention and his whole interest were concentrated on his inner +life. + +In the fourth year of his priesthood, during which the Bishop had +been particularly kind to him, the starets told him that he ought +not to decline it if he were offered an appointment to higher +duties. Then monastic ambition, the very thing he had found so +repulsive in other monks, arose within him. He was assigned to a +monastery near the metropolis. He wished to refuse but the +starets ordered him to accept the appointment. He did so, and +took leave of the starets and moved to the other monastery. + +The exchange into the metropolitan monastery was an important +event in Sergius's life. There he encountered many temptations, +and his whole will-power was concentrated on meeting them. + +In the first monastery, women had not been a temptation to him, +but here that temptation arose with terrible strength and even +took definite shape. There was a lady known for her frivolous +behaviour who began to seek his favour. She talked to him and +asked him to visit her. Sergius sternly declined, but was +horrified by the definiteness of his desire. He was so alarmed +that he wrote about it to the starets. And in addition, to keep +himself in hand, he spoke to a young novice and, conquering his +sense of shame, confessed his weakness to him, asking him to keep +watch on him and not let him go anywhere except to service and to +fulfil his duties. + +Besides this, a great pitfall for Sergius lay in the fact of his +extreme antipathy to his new Abbot, a cunning worldly man who was +making a career for himself in the Church. Struggle with himself +as he might, he could not master that feeling. He was submissive +to the Abbot, but in the depths of his soul he never ceased to +condemn him. And in the second year of his residence at the new +monastery that ill-feeling broke out. + +The Vigil service was being performed in the large church on the +eve of the feast of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin, and +there were many visitors. The Abbot himself was conducting the +service. Father Sergius was standing in his usual place and +praying: that is, he was in that condition of struggle which +always occupied him during the service, especially in the large +church when he was not himself conducting the service. This +conflict was occasioned by his irritation at the presence of fine +folk, especially ladies. He tried not to see them or to notice +all that went on: how a soldier conducted them, pushing the +common people aside, how the ladies pointed out the monks to one +another--especially himself and a monk noted for his good looks. +He tried as it were to keep his mind in blinkers, to see nothing +but the light of the candles on the altar-screen, the icons, and +those conducting the service. He tried to hear nothing but the +prayers that were being chanted or read, to feel nothing but +self-oblivion in consciousness of the fulfilment of duty--a +feeling he always experienced when hearing or reciting in advance +the prayers he had so often heard. + +So he stood, crossing and prostrating himself when necessary, and +struggled with himself, now giving way to cold condemnation and +now to a consciously evoked obliteration of thought and feeling. +Then the sacristan, Father Nicodemus--also a great +stumbling-block to Sergius who involuntarily reproached him for +flattering and fawning on the Abbot--approached him and, bowing +low, requested his presence behind the holy gates. Father +Sergius straightened his mantle, put on his biretta, and went +circumspectly through the crowd. + +'Lise, regarde a droite, c'est lui!' he heard a woman's voice +say. + +'Ou, ou? Il n'est pas tellement beau.' + +He knew that they were speaking of him. He heard them and, as +always at moments of temptation, he repeated the words, 'Lead us +not into temptation,' and bowing his head and lowering his eyes +went past the ambo and in by the north door, avoiding the canons +in their cassocks who were just then passing the altar-screen. On +entering the sanctuary he bowed, crossing himself as usual and +bending double before the icons. Then, raising his head but +without turning, he glanced out of the corner of his eye at the +Abbot, whom he saw standing beside another glittering figure. + +The Abbot was standing by the wall in his vestments. Having freed +his short plump hands from beneath his chasuble he had folded +them over his fat body and protruding stomach, and fingering the +cords of his vestments was smilingly saying something to a +military man in the uniform of a general of the Imperial suite, +with its insignia and shoulder-knots which Father Sergius's +experienced eye at once recognized. This general had been the +commander of the regiment in which Sergius had served. He now +evidently occupied an important position, and Father Sergius at +once noticed that the Abbot was aware of this and that his red +face and bald head beamed with satisfaction and pleasure. This +vexed and disgusted Father Sergius, the more so when he heard +that the Abbot had only sent for him to satisfy the general's +curiosity to see a man who had formerly served with him, as he +expressed it. + +'Very pleased to see you in your angelic guise,' said the +general, holding out his hand. 'I hope you have not forgotten an +old comrade.' + +The whole thing--the Abbot's red, smiling face amid its fringe of +grey, the general's words, his well-cared-for face with its +self-satisfied smile and the smell of wine from his breath and of +cigars from his whiskers--revolted Father Sergius. He bowed +again to the Abbot and said: + +'Your reverence deigned to send for me?'--and stopped, the whole +expression of his face and eyes asking why. + +'Yes, to meet the General,' replied the Abbot. + +'Your reverence, I left the world to save myself from +temptation,' said Father Sergius, turning pale and with quivering +lips. 'Why do you expose me to it during prayers and in God's +house?' + +'You may go! Go!' said the Abbot, flaring up and frowning. + +Next day Father Sergius asked pardon of the Abbot and of the +brethren for his pride, but at the same time, after a night spent +in prayer, he decided that he must leave this monastery, and he +wrote to the starets begging permission to return to him. He +wrote that he felt his weakness and incapacity to struggle +against temptation without his help and penitently confessed his +sin of pride. By return of post came a letter from the starets, +who wrote that Sergius's pride was the cause of all that had +happened. The old man pointed out that his fits of anger were +due to the fact that in refusing all clerical honours he +humiliated himself not for the sake of God but for the sake of +his pride. 'There now, am I not a splendid man not to want +anything?' That was why he could not tolerate the Abbot's +action. 'I have renounced everything for the glory of God, and +here I am exhibited like a wild beast!' 'Had you renounced +vanity for God's sake you would have borne it. Worldly pride is +not yet dead in you. I have thought about you, Sergius my son, +and prayed also, and this is what God has suggested to me. At +the Tambov hermitage the anchorite Hilary, a man of saintly life, +has died. He had lived there eighteen years. The Tambov Abbot +is asking whether there is not a brother who would take his +place. And here comes your letter. Go to Father Paissy of the +Tambov Monastery. I will write to him about you, and you must +ask for Hilary's cell. Not that you can replace Hilary, but you +need solitude to quell your pride. May God bless you!' + +Sergius obeyed the starets, showed his letter to the Abbot, and +having obtained his permission, gave up his cell, handed all his +possessions over to the monastery, and set out for the Tambov +hermitage. + +There the Abbot, an excellent manager of merchant origin, +received Sergius simply and quietly and placed him in Hilary's +cell, at first assigning to him a lay brother but afterwards +leaving him alone, at Sergius's own request. The cell was a dual +cave, dug into the hillside, and in it Hilary had been buried. +In the back part was Hilary's grave, while in the front was a +niche for sleeping, with a straw mattress, a small table, and a +shelf with icons and books. Outside the outer door, which +fastened with a hook, was another shelf on which, once a day, a +monk placed food from the monastery. + +And so Sergius became a hermit. + +III + +At Carnival time, in the sixth year of Sergius's life at the +hermitage, a merry company of rich people, men and women from a +neighbouring town, made up a troyka-party, after a meal of +carnival-pancakes and wine. The company consisted of two +lawyers, a wealthy landowner, an officer, and four ladies. One +lady was the officer's wife, another the wife of the landowner, +the third his sister--a young girl--and the fourth a divorcee, +beautiful, rich, and eccentric, who amazed and shocked the town +by her escapades. + +The weather was excellent and the snow-covered road smooth as a +floor. They drove some seven miles out of town, and then stopped +and consulted as to whether they should turn back or drive +farther. + +'But where does this road lead to?' asked Makovkina, the +beautiful divorcee. + +'To Tambov, eight miles from here,' replied one of the lawyers, +who was having a flirtation with her. + +'And then where?' + +'Then on to L----, past the Monastery.' + +'Where that Father Sergius lives?' + +'Yes.' + +'Kasatsky, the handsome hermit?' + +'Yes.' + +'Mesdames et messieurs, let us drive on and see Kasatsky! We can +stop at Tambov and have something to eat.' + +'But we shouldn't get home to-night!' + +'Never mind, we will stay at Kasatsky's.' + +'Well, there is a very good hostelry at the Monastery. I stayed +there when I was defending Makhin.' + +'No, I shall spend the night at Kasatsky's!' + +'Impossible! Even your omnipotence could not accomplish that!' + +'Impossible? Will you bet?' + +'All right! If you spend the night with him, the stake shall be +whatever you like.' + +'A DISCRETION!' + +'But on your side too!' + +'Yes, of course. Let us drive on.' + +Vodka was handed to the drivers, and the party got out a box of +pies, wine, and sweets for themselves. The ladies wrapped up in +their white dogskins. The drivers disputed as to whose troyka +should go ahead, and the youngest, seating himself sideways with +a dashing air, swung his long knout and shouted to the horses. +The troyka-bells tinkled and the sledge-runners squeaked over the +snow. + +The sledge swayed hardly at all. The shaft-horse, with his +tightly bound tail under his decorated breechband, galloped +smoothly and briskly; the smooth road seemed to run rapidly +backwards, while the driver dashingly shook the reins. One of +the lawyers and the officer sitting opposite talked nonsense to +Makovkina's neighbour, but Makovkina herself sat motionless and +in thought, tightly wrapped in her fur. 'Always the same and +always nasty! The same red shiny faces smelling of wine and +cigars! The same talk, the same thoughts, and always about the +same things! And they are all satisfied and confident that it +should be so, and will go on living like that till they die. But +I can't. It bores me. I want something that would upset it all +and turn it upside down. Suppose it happened to us as to those +people--at Saratov was it?--who kept on driving and froze to +death. . . . What would our people do? How would they behave? +Basely, for certain. Each for himself. And I too should act +badly. But I at any rate have beauty. They all know it. And +how about that monk? Is it possible that he has become +indifferent to it? No! That is the one thing they all care +for--like that cadet last autumn. What a fool he was!' + +'Ivan Nikolaevich!' she said aloud. + +'What are your commands?' + +'How old is he?' + +'Who?' + +'Kasatsky.' + +'Over forty, I should think.' + +'And does he receive all visitors?' + +'Yes, everybody, but not always.' + +'Cover up my feet. Not like that--how clumsy you are! No! More, +more--like that! But you need not squeeze them!' + +So they came to the forest where the cell was. + +Makovkina got out of the sledge, and told them to drive on. They +tried to dissuade her, but she grew irritable and ordered them to +go on. + +When the sledges had gone she went up the path in her white +dogskin coat. The lawyer got out and stopped to watch her. + +It was Father Sergius's sixth year as a recluse, and he was now +forty-nine. His life in solitude was hard--not on account of the +fasts and the prayers (they were no hardship to him) but on +account of an inner conflict he had not at all anticipated. The +sources of that conflict were two: doubts, and the lust of the +flesh. And these two enemies always appeared together. It +seemed to him that they were two foes, but in reality they were +one and the same. As soon as doubt was gone so was the lustful +desire. But thinking them to be two different fiends he fought +them separately. + +'O my God, my God!' thought he. 'Why dost thou not grant me +faith? There is lust, of course: even the saints had to fight +that--Saint Anthony and others. But they had faith, while I have +moments, hours, and days, when it is absent. Why does the whole +world, with all its delights, exist if it is sinful and must be +renounced? Why hast Thou created this temptation? Temptation? +Is it not rather a temptation that I wish to abandon all the joys +of earth and prepare something for myself there where perhaps +there is nothing?' And he became horrified and filled with +disgust at himself. 'Vile creature! And it is you who wish to +become a saint!' he upbraided himself, and he began to pray. But +as soon as he started to pray he saw himself vividly as he had +been at the Monastery, in a majestic post in biretta and mantle, +and he shook his head. 'No, that is not right. It is deception. +I may deceive others, but not myself or God. I am not a majestic +man, but a pitiable and ridiculous one!' And he threw back the +folds of his cassock and smiled as he looked at his thin legs in +their underclothing. + +Then he dropped the folds of the cassock again and began reading +the prayers, making the sign of the cross and prostrating +himself. 'Can it be that this couch will be my bier?' he read. +And it seemed as if a devil whispered to him: 'A solitary couch +is itself a bier. Falsehood!' And in imagination he saw the +shoulders of a widow with whom he had lived. He shook himself, +and went on reading. Having read the precepts he took up the +Gospels, opened the book, and happened on a passage he often +repeated and knew by heart: 'Lord, I believe. Help thou my +unbelief!'--and he put away all the doubts that had arisen. As +one replaces an object of insecure equilibrium, so he carefully +replaced his belief on its shaky pedestal and carefully stepped +back from it so as not to shake or upset it. The blinkers were +adjusted again and he felt tranquillized, and repeating his +childhood's prayer: 'Lord, receive me, receive me!' he felt not +merely at ease, but thrilled and joyful. He crossed himself and +lay down on the bedding on his narrow bench, tucking his summer +cassock under his head. He fell asleep at once, and in his light +slumber he seemed to hear the tinkling of sledge bells. He did +not know whether he was dreaming or awake, but a knock at the +door aroused him. He sat up, distrusting his senses, but the +knock was repeated. Yes, it was a knock close at hand, at his +door, and with it the sound of a woman's voice. + +'My God! Can it be true, as I have read in the Lives of the +Saints, that the devil takes on the form of a woman? Yes--it is +a woman's voice. And a tender, timid, pleasant voice. Phui!' +And he spat to exorcise the devil. 'No, it was only my +imagination,' he assured himself, and he went to the corner where +his lectern stood, falling on his knees in the regular and +habitual manner which of itself gave him consolation and +satisfaction. He sank down, his hair hanging over his face, and +pressed his head, already going bald in front, to the cold damp +strip of drugget on the draughty floor. He read the psalm old +Father Pimon had told him warded off temptation. He easily +raised his light and emaciated body on his strong sinewy legs and +tried to continue saying his prayers, but instead of doing so he +involuntarily strained his hearing. He wished to hear more. All +was quiet. From the corner of the roof regular drops continued +to fall into the tub below. Outside was a mist and fog eating +into the snow that lay on the ground. It was still, very still. +And suddenly there was a rustling at the window and a voice--that +same tender, timid voice, which could only belong to an +attractive woman--said: + +'Let me in, for Christ's sake!' + +It seemed as though his blood had all rushed to his heart and +settled there. He could hardly breathe. 'Let God arise and let +his enemies be scattered . . .' + +'But I am not a devil!' It was obvious that the lips that +uttered this were smiling. 'I am not a devil, but only a sinful +woman who has lost her way, not figuratively but literally!' She +laughed. 'I am frozen and beg for shelter.' + +He pressed his face to the window, but the little icon-lamp was +reflected by it and shone on the whole pane. He put his hands to +both sides of his face and peered between them. Fog, mist, a +tree, and--just opposite him--she herself. Yes, there, a few +inches from him, was the sweet, kindly frightened face of a woman +in a cap and a coat of long white fur, leaning towards him. +Their eyes met with instant recognition: not that they had ever +known one another, they had never met before, but by the look +they exchanged they--and he particularly--felt that they knew and +understood one another. After that glance to imagine her to be a +devil and not a simple, kindly, sweet, timid woman, was +impossible. + +'Who are you? Why have you come?' he asked. + +'Do please open the door!' she replied, with capricious +authority. 'I am frozen. I tell you I have lost my way.' + +'But I am a monk--a hermit.' + +'Oh, do please open the door--or do you wish me to freeze under +your window while you say your prayers?' + +'But how have you . . .' + +'I shan't eat you. For God's sake let me in! I am quite +frozen.' + +She really did feel afraid, and said this in an almost tearful +voice. + +He stepped back from the window and looked at an icon of the +Saviour in His crown of thorns. 'Lord, help me! Lord, help me!' +he exclaimed, crossing himself and bowing low. Then he went to +the door, and opening it into the tiny porch, felt for the hook +that fastened the outer door and began to lift it. He heard +steps outside. She was coming from the window to the door. +'Ah!' she suddenly exclaimed, and he understood that she had +stepped into the puddle that the dripping from the roof had +formed at the threshold. His hands trembled, and he could not +raise the hook of the tightly closed door. + +'Oh, what are you doing? Let me in! I am all wet. I am frozen! +You are thinking about saving your soul and are letting me freeze +to death . . .' + +He jerked the door towards him, raised the hook, and without +considering what he was doing, pushed it open with such force +that it struck her. + +'Oh--PARDON!' he suddenly exclaimed, reverting completely to his +old manner with ladies. + +She smiled on hearing that PARDON. 'He is not quite so terrible, +after all,' she thought. 'It's all right. It is you who must +pardon me,' she said, stepping past him. 'I should never have +ventured, but such an extraordinary circumstance . . .' + +'If you please!' he uttered, and stood aside to let her pass him. +A strong smell of fine scent, which he had long not encountered, +struck him. She went through the little porch into the cell +where he lived. He closed the outer door without fastening the +hook, and stepped in after her. + +'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner! Lord, +have mercy on me a sinner!' he prayed unceasingly, not merely to +himself but involuntarily moving his lips. 'If you please!' he +said to her again. She stood in the middle of the room, moisture +dripping from her to the floor as she looked him over. Her eyes +were laughing. + +'Forgive me for having disturbed your solitude. But you see what +a position I am in. It all came about from our starting from +town for a sledge-drive, and my making a bet that I would walk +back by myself from the Vorobevka to the town. But then I lost +my way, and if I had not happened to come upon your cell . . .' +She began lying, but his face confused her so that she could not +continue, but became silent. She had not expected him to be at +all such as he was. He was not as handsome as she had imagined, +but was nevertheless beautiful in her eyes: his greyish hair and +beard, slightly curling, his fine, regular nose, and his eyes +like glowing coal when he looked at her, made a strong impression +on her. + +He saw that she was lying. + +'Yes . . . so,' said he, looking at her and again lowering his +eyes. 'I will go in there, and this place is at your disposal.' + +And taking down the little lamp, he lit a candle, and bowing low +to her went into the small cell beyond the partition, and she +heard him begin to move something about there. 'Probably he is +barricading himself in from me!' she thought with a smile, and +throwing off her white dogskin cloak she tried to take off her +cap, which had become entangled in her hair and in the woven +kerchief she was wearing under it. She had not got at all wet +when standing under the window, and had said so only as a pretext +to get him to let her in. But she really had stepped into the +puddle at the door, and her left foot was wet up to the ankle and +her overshoe full of water. She sat down on his bed--a bench +only covered by a bit of carpet--and began to take off her boots. +The little cell seemed to her charming. The narrow little room, +some seven feet by nine, was as clean as glass. There was +nothing in it but the bench on which she was sitting, the +book-shelf above it, and a lectern in the corner. A sheepskin +coat and a cassock hung on nails by the door. Above the lectern +was the little lamp and an icon of Christ in His crown of thorns. +The room smelt strangely of perspiration and of earth. It all +pleased her--even that smell. Her wet feet, especially one of +them, were uncomfortable, and she quickly began to take off her +boots and stockings without ceasing to smile, pleased not so much +at having achieved her object as because she perceived that she +had abashed that charming, strange, striking, and attractive man. +'He did not respond, but what of that?' she said to herself. + +'Father Sergius! Father Sergius! Or how does one call you?' + +'What do you want?' replied a quiet voice. + +'Please forgive me for disturbing your solitude, but really I +could not help it. I should simply have fallen ill. And I don't +know that I shan't now. I am all wet and my feet are like ice.' + +'Pardon me,' replied the quiet voice. 'I cannot be of any +assistance to you.' + +'I would not have disturbed you if I could have helped it. I am +only here till daybreak.' + +He did not reply and she heard him muttering something, probably +his prayers. + +'You will not be coming in here?' she asked, smiling. 'For I must +undress to dry myself.' + +He did not reply, but continued to read his prayers. + +'Yes, that is a man!' thought she, getting her dripping boot off +with difficulty. She tugged at it, but could not get it off. +The absurdity of it struck her and she began to laugh almost +inaudibly. But knowing that he would hear her laughter and would +be moved by it just as she wished him to be, she laughed louder, +and her laughter--gay, natural, and kindly--really acted on him +just in the way she wished. + +'Yes, I could love a man like that--such eyes and such a simple +noble face, and passionate too despite all the prayers he +mutters!' thought she. 'You can't deceive a woman in these +things. As soon as he put his face to the window and saw me, he +understood and knew. The glimmer of it was in his eyes and +remained there. He began to love me and desired me. +Yes--desired!' said she, getting her overshoe and her boot off at +last and starting to take off her stockings. To remove those +long stockings fastened with elastic it was necessary to raise +her skirts. She felt embarrassed and said: + +'Don't come in!' + +But there was no reply from the other side of the wall. The +steady muttering continued and also a sound of moving. + +'He is prostrating himself to the ground, no doubt,' thought she. +'But he won't bow himself out of it. He is thinking of me just +as I am thinking of him. He is thinking of these feet of mine +with the same feeling that I have!' And she pulled off her wet +stockings and put her feet up on the bench, pressing them under +her. She sat a while like that with her arms round her knees and +looking pensively before her. 'But it is a desert, here in this +silence. No one would ever know. . . .' + +She rose, took her stockings over to the stove, and hung them on +the damper. It was a queer damper, and she turned it about, and +then, stepping lightly on her bare feet, returned to the bench +and sat down there again with her feet up. + +There was complete silence on the other side of the partition. +She looked at the tiny watch that hung round her neck. It was +two o'clock. 'Our party should return about three!' She had not +more than an hour before her. 'Well, am I to sit like this all +alone? What nonsense! I don't want to. I will call him at +once.' + +'Father Sergius, Father Sergius! Sergey Dmitrich! Prince +Kasatsky!' + +Beyond the partition all was silent. + +'Listen! This is cruel. I would not call you if it were not +necessary. I am ill. I don't know what is the matter with me!' +she exclaimed in a tone of suffering. 'Oh! Oh!' she groaned, +falling back on the bench. And strange to say she really felt +that her strength was failing, that she was becoming faint, that +everything in her ached, and that she was shivering with fever. + +'Listen! Help me! I don't know what is the matter with me. Oh! +Oh!' She unfastened her dress, exposing her breast, and lifted +her arms, bare to the elbow. 'Oh! Oh!' + +All this time he stood on the other side of the partition and +prayed. Having finished all the evening prayers, he now stood +motionless, his eyes looking at the end of his nose, and mentally +repeated with all his soul: 'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have +mercy upon me!' + +But he had heard everything. He had heard how the silk rustled +when she took off her dress, how she stepped with bare feet on +the floor, and had heard how she rubbed her feet with her hand. +He felt his own weakness, and that he might be lost at any +moment. That was why he prayed unceasingly. He felt rather as +the hero in the fairy-tale must have felt when he had to go on +and on without looking round. So Sergius heard and felt that +danger and destruction were there, hovering above and around him, +and that he could only save himself by not looking in that +direction for an instant. But suddenly the desire to look seized +him. At the same instant she said: + +'This is inhuman. I may die. . . .' + +'Yes, I will go to her, but like the Saint who laid one hand on +the adulteress and thrust his other into the brazier. But there +is no brazier here.' He looked round. The lamp! He put his +finger over the flame and frowned, preparing himself to suffer. +And for a rather long time, as it seemed to him, there was no +sensation, but suddenly--he had not yet decided whether it was +painful enough--he writhed all over, jerked his hand away, and +waved it in the air. 'No, I can't stand that!' + +'For God's sake come to me! I am dying! Oh!' + +'Well--shall I perish? No, not so!' + +'I will come to you directly,' he said, and having opened his +door, he went without looking at her through the cell into the +porch where he used to chop wood. There he felt for the block +and for an axe which leant against the wall. + +'Immediately!' he said, and taking up the axe with his right hand +he laid the forefinger of his left hand on the block, swung the +axe, and struck with it below the second joint. The finger flew +off more lightly than a stick of similar thickness, and bounding +up, turned over on the edge of the block and then fell to the +floor. + +He heard it fall before he felt any pain, but before he had time +to be surprised he felt a burning pain and the warmth of flowing +blood. He hastily wrapped the stump in the skirt of his cassock, +and pressing it to his hip went back into the room, and standing +in front of the woman, lowered his eyes and asked in a low voice: +'What do you want?' + +She looked at his pale face and his quivering left cheek, and +suddenly felt ashamed. She jumped up, seized her fur cloak, and +throwing it round her shoulders, wrapped herself up in it. + +'I was in pain . . . I have caught cold . . . I . . . Father +Sergius . . . I . . .' + +He let his eyes, shining with a quiet light of joy, rest upon +her, and said: + +'Dear sister, why did you wish to ruin your immortal soul? +Temptations must come into the world, but woe to him by whom +temptation comes. Pray that God may forgive us!' + +She listened and looked at him. Suddenly she heard the sound of +something dripping. She looked down and saw that blood was +flowing from his hand and down his cassock. + +'What have you done to your hand?' She remembered the sound she +had heard, and seizing the little lamp ran out into the porch. +There on the floor she saw the bloody finger. She returned with +her face paler than his and was about to speak to him, but he +silently passed into the back cell and fastened the door. + +'Forgive me!' she said. 'How can I atone for my sin?' + +'Go away.' + +'Let me tie up your hand.' + +'Go away from here.' + +She dressed hurriedly and silently, and when ready sat waiting in +her furs. The sledge-bells were heard outside. + +'Father Sergius, forgive me!' + +'Go away. God will forgive.' + +'Father Sergius! I will change my life. Do not forsake me!' + +'Go away.' + +'Forgive me--and give me your blessing!' + +'In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy +Ghost!'--she heard his voice from behind the partition. 'Go!' + +She burst into sobs and left the cell. The lawyer came forward +to meet her. + +'Well, I see I have lost the bet. It can't be helped. Where will +you sit?' + +'It is all the same to me.' + +She took a seat in the sledge, and did not utter a word all the +way home. + +A year later she entered a convent as a novice, and lived a +strict life under the direction of the hermit Arseny, who wrote +letters to her at long intervals. + + + +IV + +Father Sergius lived as a recluse for another seven years. + +At first he accepted much of what people brought him--tea, sugar, +white bread, milk, clothing, and fire-wood. But as time went on +he led a more and more austere life, refusing everything +superfluous, and finally he accepted nothing but rye-bread once a +week. Everything else that was brought to him he gave to the +poor who came to him. He spent his entire time in his cell, in +prayer or in conversation with callers, who became more and more +numerous as time went on. Only three times a year did he go out +to church, and when necessary he went out to fetch water and +wood. + +The episode with Makovkina had occurred after five years of his +hermit life. That occurrence soon became generally known--her +nocturnal visit, the change she underwent, and her entry into a +convent. From that time Father Sergius's fame increased. More +and more visitors came to see him, other monks settled down near +his cell, and a church was erected there and also a hostelry. +His fame, as usual exaggerating his feats, spread ever more and +more widely. People began to come to him from a distance, and +began bringing invalids to him whom they declared he cured. + +His first cure occurred in the eighth year of his life as a +hermit. It was the healing of a fourteen-year-old boy, whose +mother brought him to Father Sergius insisting that he should lay +his hand on the child's head. It had never occurred to Father +Sergius that he could cure the sick. He would have regarded such +a thought as a great sin of pride; but the mother who brought the +boy implored him insistently, falling at his feet and saying: +'Why do you, who heal others, refuse to help my son?' She +besought him in Christ's name. When Father Sergius assured her +that only God could heal the sick, she replied that she only +wanted him to lay his hands on the boy and pray for him. Father +Sergius refused and returned to his cell. But next day (it was +in autumn and the nights were already cold) on going out for +water he saw the same mother with her son, a pale boy of +fourteen, and was met by the same petition. + +He remembered the parable of the unjust judge, and though he had +previously felt sure that he ought to refuse, he now began to +hesitate and, having hesitated, took to prayer and prayed until a +decision formed itself in his soul. This decision was, that he +ought to accede to the woman's request and that her faith might +save her son. As for himself, he would in this case be but an +insignificant instrument chosen by God. + +And going out to the mother he did what she asked--laid his hand +on the boy's head and prayed. + +The mother left with her son, and a month later the boy +recovered, and the fame of the holy healing power of the starets +Sergius (as they now called him) spread throughout the whole +district. After that, not a week passed without sick people +coming, riding or on foot, to Father Sergius; and having acceded +to one petition he could not refuse others, and he laid his hands +on many and prayed. Many recovered, and his fame spread more and +more. + +So seven years passed in the Monastery and thirteen in his +hermit's cell. He now had the appearance of an old man: his +beard was long and grey, but his hair, though thin, was still +black and curly. + + + +V + +For some weeks Father Sergius had been living with one persistent +thought: whether he was right in accepting the position in which +he had not so much placed himself as been placed by the +Archimandrite and the Abbot. That position had begun after the +recovery of the fourteen-year-old boy. From that time, with each +month, week, and day that passed, Sergius felt his own inner life +wasting away and being replaced by external life. It was as if +he had been turned inside out. + +Sergius saw that he was a means of attracting visitors and +contributions to the monastery, and that therefore the +authorities arranged matters in such a way as to make as much use +of him as possible. For instance, they rendered it impossible +for him to do any manual work. He was supplied with everything +he could want, and they only demanded of him that he should not +refuse his blessing to those who came to seek it. For his +convenience they appointed days when he would receive. They +arranged a reception-room for men, and a place was railed in so +that he should not be pushed over by the crowds of women +visitors, and so that he could conveniently bless those who came. + +They told him that people needed him, and that fulfilling +Christ's law of love he could not refuse their demand to see him, +and that to avoid them would be cruel. He could not but agree +with this, but the more he gave himself up to such a life the +more he felt that what was internal became external, and that the +fount of living water within him dried up, and that what he did +now was done more and more for men and less and less for God. + +Whether he admonished people, or simply blessed them, or prayed +for the sick, or advised people about their lives, or listened to +expressions of gratitude from those he had helped by precepts, or +alms, or healing (as they assured him)--he could not help being +pleased at it, and could not be indifferent to the results of his +activity and to the influence he exerted. He thought himself a +shining light, and the more he felt this the more was he +conscious of a weakening, a dying down of the divine light of +truth that shone within him. + +'In how far is what I do for God and in how far is it for men?' +That was the question that insistently tormented him and to which +he was not so much unable to give himself an answer as unable to +face the answer. + +In the depth of his soul he felt that the devil had substituted +an activity for men in place of his former activity for God. He +felt this because, just as it had formerly been hard for him to +be torn from his solitude so now that solitude itself was hard +for him. He was oppressed and wearied by visitors, but at the +bottom of his heart he was glad of their presence and glad of the +praise they heaped upon him. + +There was a time when he decided to go away and hide. He even +planned all that was necessary for that purpose. He prepared for +himself a peasant's shirt, trousers, coat, and cap. He explained +that he wanted these to give to those who asked. And he kept +these clothes in his cell, planning how he would put them on, cut +his hair short, and go away. First he would go some three +hundred versts by train, then he would leave the train and walk +from village to village. He asked an old man who had been a +soldier how he tramped: what people gave him, and what shelter +they allowed him. The soldier told him where people were most +charitable, and where they would take a wanderer in for the +night, and Father Sergius intended to avail himself of this +information. He even put on those clothes one night in his +desire to go, but he could not decide what was best--to remain or +to escape. At first he was in doubt, but afterwards this +indecision passed. He submitted to custom and yielded to the +devil, and only the peasant garb reminded him of the thought and +feeling he had had. + +Every day more and more people flocked to him and less and less +time was left him for prayer and for renewing his spiritual +strength. Sometimes in lucid moments he thought he was like a +place where there had once been a spring. 'There used to be a +feeble spring of living water which flowed quietly from me and +through me. That was true life, the time when she tempted me!' +(He always thought with ecstasy of that night and of her who was +now Mother Agnes.) She had tasted of that pure water, but since +then there had not been time for it to collect before thirsty +people came crowding in and pushing one another aside. And they +had trampled everything down and nothing was left but mud. + +So he thought in rare moments of lucidity, but his usual state of +mind was one of weariness and a tender pity for himself because +of that weariness. + +It was in spring, on the eve of the mid-Pentecostal feast. +Father Sergius was officiating at the Vigil Service in his +hermitage church, where the congregation was as large as the +little church could hold--about twenty people. They were all +well-to-do proprietors or merchants. Father Sergius admitted +anyone, but a selection was made by the monk in attendance and by +an assistant who was sent to the hermitage every day from the +monastery. A crowd of some eighty people--pilgrims and peasants, +and especially peasant-women--stood outside waiting for Father +Sergius to come out and bless them. Meanwhile he conducted the +service, but at the point at which he went out to the tomb of his +predecessor, he staggered and would have fallen had he not been +caught by a merchant standing behind him and by the monk acting +as deacon. + +'What is the matter, Father Sergius? Dear man! O Lord!' +exclaimed the women. 'He is as white as a sheet!' + +But Father Sergius recovered immediately, and though very pale, +he waved the merchant and the deacon aside and continued to chant +the service. + +Father Seraphim, the deacon, the acolytes, and Sofya Ivanovna, a +lady who always lived near the hermitage and tended Father +Sergius, begged him to bring the service to an end. + +'No, there's nothing the matter,' said Father Sergius, slightly +smiling from beneath his moustache and continuing the service. +'Yes, that is the way the Saints behave!' thought he. + +'A holy man--an angel of God!' he heard just then the voice of +Sofya Ivanovna behind him, and also of the merchant who had +supported him. He did not heed their entreaties, but went on +with the service. Again crowding together they all made their +way by the narrow passages back into the little church, and +there, though abbreviating it slightly, Father Sergius completed +vespers. + +Immediately after the service Father Sergius, having pronounced +the benediction on those present, went over to the bench under +the elm tree at the entrance to the cave. He wished to rest and +breathe the fresh air--he felt in need of it. But as soon as he +left the church the crowd of people rushed to him soliciting his +blessing, his advice, and his help. There were pilgrims who +constantly tramped from one holy place to another and from one +starets to another, and were always entranced by every shrine and +every starets. Father Sergius knew this common, cold, +conventional, and most irreligious type. There were pilgrims, +for the most part discharged soldiers, unaccustomed to a settled +life, poverty-stricken, and many of them drunken old men, who +tramped from monastery to monastery merely to be fed. And there +were rough peasants and peasant-women who had come with their +selfish requirements, seeking cures or to have doubts about quite +practical affairs solved for them: about marrying off a daughter, +or hiring a shop, or buying a bit of land, or how to atone for +having overlaid a child or having an illegitimate one. + +All this was an old story and not in the least interesting to +him. He knew he would hear nothing new from these folk, that +they would arouse no religious emotion in him; but he liked to +see the crowd to which his blessing and advice was necessary and +precious, so while that crowd oppressed him it also pleased him. +Father Seraphim began to drive them away, saying that Father +Sergius was tired. + +But Father Sergius, remembering the words of the Gospel: 'Forbid +them' (children) 'not to come unto me,' and feeling tenderly +towards himself at this recollection, said they should be allowed +to approach. + +He rose, went to the railing beyond which the crowd had gathered, +and began blessing them and answering their questions, but in a +voice so weak that he was touched with pity for himself. Yet +despite his wish to receive them all he could not do it. Things +again grew dark before his eyes, and he staggered and grasped the +railings. He felt a rush of blood to his head and first went +pale and then suddenly flushed. + +'I must leave the rest till to-morrow. I cannot do more to-day,' +and, pronouncing a general benediction, he returned to the bench. +The merchant again supported him, and leading him by the arm +helped him to be seated. + +'Father!' came voices from the crowd. 'Dear Father! Do not +forsake us. Without you we are lost!' + +The merchant, having seated Father Sergius on the bench under the +elm, took on himself police duties and drove the people off very +resolutely. It is true that he spoke in a low voice so that +Father Sergius might not hear him, but his words were incisive +and angry. + +'Be off, be off! He has blessed you, and what more do you want? +Get along with you, or I'll wring your necks! Move on there! Get +along, you old woman with your dirty leg-bands! Go, go! Where +are you shoving to? You've been told that it is finished. +To-morrow will be as God wills, but for to-day he has finished!' + +'Father! Only let my eyes have a glimpse of his dear face!' said +an old woman. + +'I'll glimpse you! Where are you shoving to?' + +Father Sergius noticed that the merchant seemed to be acting +roughly, and in a feeble voice told the attendant that the people +should not be driven away. He knew that they would be driven +away all the same, and he much desired to be left alone and to +rest, but he sent the attendant with that message to produce an +impression. + +'All right, all right! I am not driving them away. I am only +remonstrating with them,' replied the merchant. 'You know they +wouldn't hesitate to drive a man to death. They have no pity, +they only consider themselves. . . . You've been told you cannot +see him. Go away! To-morrow!' And he got rid of them all. + +He took all these pains because he liked order and liked to +domineer and drive the people away, but chiefly because he wanted +to have Father Sergius to himself. He was a widower with an only +daughter who was an invalid and unmarried, and whom he had +brought fourteen hundred versts to Father Sergius to be healed. +For two years past he had been taking her to different places to +be cured: first to the university clinic in the chief town of the +province, but that did no good; then to a peasant in the province +of Samara, where she got a little better; then to a doctor in +Moscow to whom he paid much money, but this did no good at all. +Now he had been told that Father Sergius wrought cures, and had +brought her to him. So when all the people had been driven away +he approached Father Sergius, and suddenly falling on his knees +loudly exclaimed: + +'Holy Father! Bless my afflicted offspring that she may be +healed of her malady. I venture to prostrate myself at your holy +feet.' + +And he placed one hand on the other, cup-wise. He said and did +all this as if he were doing something clearly and firmly +appointed by law and usage--as if one must and should ask for a +daughter to be cured in just this way and no other. He did it +with such conviction that it seemed even to Father Sergius that +it should be said and done in just that way, but nevertheless he +bade him rise and tell him what the trouble was. The merchant +said that his daughter, a girl of twenty-two, had fallen ill two +years ago, after her mother's sudden death. She had moaned (as +he expressed it) and since then had not been herself. And now he +had brought her fourteen hundred versts and she was waiting in +the hostelry till Father Sergius should give orders to bring her. +She did not go out during the day, being afraid of the light, and +could only come after sunset. + +'Is she very weak?' asked Father Sergius. + +'No, she has no particular weakness. She is quite plump, and is +only "nerastenic" the doctors say. If you will only let me bring +her this evening, Father Sergius, I'll fly like a spirit to fetch +her. Holy Father! Revive a parent's heart, restore his line, +save his afflicted daughter by your prayers!' And the merchant +again threw himself on his knees and bending sideways, with his +head resting on his clenched fists, remained stock still. Father +Sergius again told him to get up, and thinking how heavy his +activities were and how he went through with them patiently +notwithstanding, he sighed heavily and after a few seconds of +silence, said: + +'Well, bring her this evening. I will pray for her, but now I am +tired . . .' and he closed his eyes. 'I will send for you.' + +The merchant went away, stepping on tiptoe, which only made his +boots creak the louder, and Father Sergius remained alone. + +His whole life was filled by Church services and by people who +came to see him, but to-day had been a particularly difficult +one. In the morning an important official had arrived and had +had a long conversation with him; after that a lady had come with +her son. This son was a sceptical young professor whom the +mother, an ardent believer and devoted to Father Sergius, had +brought that he might talk to him. The conversation had been +very trying. The young man, evidently not wishing to have a +controversy with a monk, had agreed with him in everything as +with someone who was mentally inferior. Father Sergius saw that +the young man did not believe but yet was satisfied, tranquil, +and at ease, and the memory of that conversation now disquieted +him. + +'Have something to eat, Father,' said the attendant. + +'All right, bring me something.' + +The attendant went to a hut that had been arranged some ten paces +from the cave, and Father Sergius remained alone. + +The time was long past when he had lived alone doing everything +for himself and eating only rye-bread, or rolls prepared for the +Church. He had been advised long since that he had no right to +neglect his health, and he was given wholesome, though Lenten, +food. He ate sparingly, though much more than he had done, and +often he ate with much pleasure, and not as formerly with +aversion and a sense of guilt. So it was now. He had some +gruel, drank a cup of tea, and ate half a white roll. + +The attendant went away, and Father Sergius remained alone under +the elm tree. + +It was a wonderful May evening, when the birches, aspens, elms, +wild cherries, and oaks, had just burst into foliage. + +The bush of wild cherries behind the elm tree was in full bloom +and had not yet begun to shed its blossoms, and the +nightingales--one quite near at hand and two or three others in +the bushes down by the river--burst into full song after some +preliminary twitters. From the river came the far-off songs of +peasants returning, no doubt, from their work. The sun was +setting behind the forest, its last rays glowing through the +leaves. All that side was brilliant green, the other side with +the elm tree was dark. The cockchafers flew clumsily about, +falling to the ground when they collided with anything. + +After supper Father Sergius began to repeat a silent prayer: 'O +Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon us!' and then he +read a psalm, and suddenly in the middle of the psalm a sparrow +flew out from the bush, alighted on the ground, and hopped +towards him chirping as it came, but then it took fright at +something and flew away. He said a prayer which referred to his +abandonment of the world, and hastened to finish it in order to +send for the merchant with the sick daughter. She interested him +in that she presented a distraction, and because both she and her +father considered him a saint whose prayers were efficacious. +Outwardly he disavowed that idea, but in the depths of his soul +he considered it to be true. + +He was often amazed that this had happened, that he, Stepan +Kasatsky, had come to be such an extraordinary saint and even a +worker of miracles, but of the fact that he was such there could +not be the least doubt. He could not fail to believe in the +miracles he himself witnessed, beginning with the sick boy and +ending with the old woman who had recovered her sight when he had +prayed for her. + +Strange as it might be, it was so. Accordingly the merchant's +daughter interested him as a new individual who had faith in him, +and also as a fresh opportunity to confirm his healing powers and +enhance his fame. 'They bring people a thousand versts and write +about it in the papers. The Emperor knows of it, and they know of +it in Europe, in unbelieving Europe'--thought he. And suddenly +he felt ashamed of his vanity and again began to pray. 'Lord, +King of Heaven, Comforter, Soul of Truth! Come and enter into me +and cleanse me from all sin and save and bless my soul. Cleanse +me from the sin of worldly vanity that troubles me!' he repeated, +and he remembered how often he had prayed about this and how vain +till now his prayers had been in that respect. His prayers +worked miracles for others, but in his own case God had not +granted him liberation from this petty passion. + +He remembered his prayers at the commencement of his life at the +hermitage, when he prayed for purity, humility, and love, and how +it seemed to him then that God heard his prayers. He had +retained his purity and had chopped off his finger. And he +lifted the shrivelled stump of that finger to his lips and kissed +it. It seemed to him now that he had been humble then when he +had always seemed loathsome to himself on account of his +sinfulness; and when he remembered the tender feelings with which +he had then met an old man who was bringing a drunken soldier to +him to ask alms; and how he had received HER, it seemed to him +that he had then possessed love also. But now? And he asked +himself whether he loved anyone, whether he loved Sofya Ivanovna, +or Father Seraphim, whether he had any feeling of love for all +who had come to him that day--for that learned young man with +whom he had had that instructive discussion in which he was +concerned only to show off his own intelligence and that he had +not lagged behind the times in knowledge. He wanted and needed +their love, but felt none towards them. He now had neither love +nor humility nor purity. + +He was pleased to know that the merchant's daughter was +twenty-two, and he wondered whether she was good-looking. When +he inquired whether she was weak, he really wanted to know if she +had feminine charm. + +'Can I have fallen so low?' he thought. 'Lord, help me! Restore +me, my Lord and God!' And he clasped his hands and began to +pray. + +The nightingales burst into song, a cockchafer knocked against +him and crept up the back of his neck. He brushed it off. 'But +does He exist? What if I am knocking at a door fastened from +outside? The bar is on the door for all to see. Nature--the +nightingales and the cockchafers--is that bar. Perhaps the young +man was right.' And he began to pray aloud. He prayed for a +long time till these thoughts vanished and he again felt calm and +confident. He rang the bell and told the attendant to say that +the merchant might bring his daughter to him now. + +The merchant came, leading his daughter by the arm. He led her +into the cell and immediately left her. + +She was a very fair girl, plump and very short, with a pale, +frightened, childish face and a much developed feminine figure. +Father Sergius remained seated on the bench at the entrance and +when she was passing and stopped beside him for his blessing he +was aghast at himself for the way he looked at her figure. As +she passed by him he was acutely conscious of her femininity, +though he saw by her face that she was sensual and feeble-minded. +He rose and went into the cell. She was sitting on a stool +waiting for him, and when he entered she rose. + +'I want to go back to Papa,' she said. + +'Don't be afraid,' he replied. 'What are you suffering from?' + +'I am in pain all over,' she said, and suddenly her face lit up +with a smile. + +'You will be well,' said he. 'Pray!' + +'What is the use of praying? I have prayed and it does no +good'--and she continued to smile. 'I want you to pray for me +and lay your hands on me. I saw you in a dream.' + +'How did you see me?' + +'I saw you put your hands on my breast like that.' She took his +hand and pressed it to her breast. 'Just here.' + +He yielded his right hand to her. + +'What is your name?' he asked, trembling all over and feeling +that he was overcome and that his desire had already passed +beyond control. + +'Marie. Why?' + +She took his hand and kissed it, and then put her arm round his +waist and pressed him to herself. + +'What are you doing?' he said. 'Marie, you are a devil!' + +'Oh, perhaps. What does it matter?' + +And embracing him she sat down with him on the bed. + +At dawn he went out into the porch. + +'Can this all have happened? Her father will come and she will +tell him everything. She is a devil! What am I to do? Here is +the axe with which I chopped off my finger.' He snatched up the +axe and moved back towards the cell. + +The attendant came up. + +'Do you want some wood chopped? Let me have the axe.' + +Sergius yielded up the axe and entered the cell. She was lying +there asleep. He looked at her with horror, and passed on beyond +the partition, where he took down the peasant clothes and put +them on. Then he seized a pair of scissors, cut off his long +hair, and went out along the path down the hill to the river, +where he had not been for more than three years. + +A road ran beside the river and he went along it and walked till +noon. Then he went into a field of rye and lay down there. +Towards evening he approached a village, but without entering it +went towards the cliff that overhung the river. There he again +lay down to rest. + +It was early morning, half an hour before sunrise. All was damp +and gloomy and a cold early wind was blowing from the west. +'Yes, I must end it all. There is no God. But how am I to end +it? Throw myself into the river? I can swim and should not +drown. Hang myself? Yes, just throw this sash over a branch.' +This seemed so feasible and so easy that he felt horrified. As +usual at moments of despair he felt the need of prayer. But +there was no one to pray to. There was no God. He lay down +resting on his arm, and suddenly such a longing for sleep +overcame him that he could no longer support his head on his +hand, but stretched out his arm, laid his head upon it, and fell +asleep. But that sleep lasted only for a moment. He woke up +immediately and began not to dream but to remember. + +He saw himself as a child in his mother's home in the country. A +carriage drives up, and out of it steps Uncle Nicholas +Sergeevich, with his long, spade-shaped, black beard, and with +him Pashenka, a thin little girl with large mild eyes and a timid +pathetic face. And into their company of boys Pashenka is +brought and they have to play with her, but it is dull. She is +silly, and it ends by their making fun of her and forcing her to +show how she can swim. She lies down on the floor and shows +them, and they all laugh and make a fool of her. She sees this +and blushes red in patches and becomes more pitiable than before, +so pitiable that he feels ashamed and can never forget that +crooked, kindly, submissive smile. And Sergius remembered having +seen her since then. Long after, just before he became a monk, +she had married a landowner who squandered all her fortune and +was in the habit of beating her. She had had two children, a son +and a daughter, but the son had died while still young. And +Sergius remembered having seen her very wretched. Then again he +had seen her in the monastery when she was a widow. She had been +still the same, not exactly stupid, but insipid, insignificant, +and pitiable. She had come with her daughter and her daughter's +fiance. They were already poor at that time and later on he had +heard that she was living in a small provincial town and was very +poor. + +'Why am I thinking about her?' he asked himself, but he could not +cease doing so. 'Where is she? How is she getting on? Is she +still as unhappy as she was then when she had to show us how to +swim on the floor? But why should I think about her? What am I +doing? I must put an end to myself.' + +And again he felt afraid, and again, to escape from that thought, +he went on thinking about Pashenka. + +So he lay for a long time, thinking now of his unavoidable end +and now of Pashenka. She presented herself to him as a means of +salvation. At last he fell asleep, and in his sleep he saw an +angel who came to him and said: 'Go to Pashenka and learn from +her what you have to do, what your sin is, and wherein lies your +salvation.' + +He awoke, and having decided that this was a vision sent by God, +he felt glad, and resolved to do what had been told him in the +vision. He knew the town where she lived. It was some three +hundred versts (two hundred miles) away, and he set out to walk +there. + + + +VI + +Pashenka had already long ceased to be Pashenka and had become +old, withered, wrinkled Praskovya Mikhaylovna, mother-in-law of +that failure, the drunken official Mavrikyev. She was living in +the country town where he had had his last appointment, and there +she was supporting the family: her daughter, her ailing +neurasthenic son-in-law, and her five grandchildren. She did +this by giving music lessons to tradesmen's daughters, giving +four and sometimes five lessons a day of an hour each, and +earning in this way some sixty rubles (6 pounds) a month. So +they lived for the present, in expectation of another +appointment. She had sent letters to all her relations and +acquaintances asking them to obtain a post for her son-in-law, +and among the rest she had written to Sergius, but that letter +had not reached him. + +It was a Saturday, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was herself mixing +dough for currant bread such as the serf-cook on her father's +estate used to make so well. She wished to give her +grandchildren a treat on the Sunday. + +Masha, her daughter, was nursing her youngest child, the eldest +boy and girl were at school, and her son-in-law was asleep, not +having slept during the night. Praskovya Mikhaylovna had +remained awake too for a great part of the night, trying to +soften her daughter's anger against her husband. + +She saw that it was impossible for her son-in-law, a weak +creature, to be other than he was, and realized that his wife's +reproaches could do no good--so she used all her efforts to +soften those reproaches and to avoid recrimination and anger. +Unkindly relations between people caused her actual physical +suffering. It was so clear to her that bitter feelings do not +make anything better, but only make everything worse. She did +not in fact think about this: she simply suffered at the sight of +anger as she would from a bad smell, a harsh noise, or from blows +on her body. + +She had--with a feeling of self-satisfaction--just taught Lukerya +how to mix the dough, when her six-year-old grandson Misha, +wearing an apron and with darned stockings on his crooked little +legs, ran into the kitchen with a frightened face. + +'Grandma, a dreadful old man wants to see you.' + +Lukerya looked out at the door. + +'There is a pilgrim of some kind, a man . . .' + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna rubbed her thin elbows against one another, +wiped her hands on her apron and went upstairs to get a +five-kopek piece [about a penny] out of her purse for him, but +remembering that she had nothing less than a ten-kopek piece she +decided to give him some bread instead. She returned to the +cupboard, but suddenly blushed at the thought of having grudged +the ten-kopek piece, and telling Lukerya to cut a slice of bread, +went upstairs again to fetch it. 'It serves you right,' she said +to herself. 'You must now give twice over.' + +She gave both the bread and the money to the pilgrim, and when +doing so--far from being proud of her generosity--she excused +herself for giving so little. The man had such an imposing +appearance. + +Though he had tramped two hundred versts as a beggar, though he +was tattered and had grown thin and weatherbeaten, though he had +cropped his long hair and was wearing a peasant's cap and boots, +and though he bowed very humbly, Sergius still had the impressive +appearance that made him so attractive. But Praskovya +Mikhaylovna did not recognize him. She could hardly do so, not +having seen him for almost twenty years. + +'Don't think ill of me, Father. Perhaps you want something to +eat?' + +He took the bread and the money, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was +surprised that he did not go, but stood looking at her. + +'Pashenka, I have come to you! Take me in . . .' + +His beautiful black eyes, shining with the tears that started in +them, were fixed on her with imploring insistence. And under his +greyish moustache his lips quivered piteously. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna pressed her hands to her withered breast, +opened her mouth, and stood petrified, staring at the pilgrim +with dilated eyes. + +'It can't be! Stepa! Sergey! Father Sergius!' + +'Yes, it is I,' said Sergius in a low voice. 'Only not Sergius, +or Father Sergius, but a great sinner, Stepan Kasatsky--a great +and lost sinner. Take me in and help me!' + +'It's impossible! How have you so humbled yourself? But come +in.' + +She reached out her hand, but he did not take it and only +followed her in. + +But where was she to take him? The lodging was a small one. +Formerly she had had a tiny room, almost a closet, for herself, +but later she had given it up to her daughter, and Masha was now +sitting there rocking the baby. + +'Sit here for the present,' she said to Sergius, pointing to a +bench in the kitchen. + +He sat down at once, and with an evidently accustomed movement +slipped the straps of his wallet first off one shoulder and then +off the other. + +'My God, my God! How you have humbled yourself, Father! Such +great fame, and now like this . . .' + +Sergius did not reply, but only smiled meekly, placing his wallet +under the bench on which he sat. + +'Masha, do you know who this is?'--And in a whisper Praskovya +Mikhaylovna told her daughter who he was, and together they then +carried the bed and the cradle out of the tiny room and cleared +it for Sergius. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna led him into it. + +'Here you can rest. Don't take offence . . . but I must go out.' + +'Where to?' + +'I have to go to a lesson. I am ashamed to tell you, but I teach +music!' + +'Music? But that is good. Only just one thing, Praskovya +Mikhaylovna, I have come to you with a definite object. When can +I have a talk with you?' + +'I shall be very glad. Will this evening do?' + +'Yes. But one thing more. Don't speak about me, or say who I +am. I have revealed myself only to you. No one knows where I +have gone to. It must be so.' + +'Oh, but I have told my daughter.' + +'Well, ask her not to mention it.' + +And Sergius took off his boots, lay down, and at once fell asleep +after a sleepless night and a walk of nearly thirty miles. + +When Praskovya Mikhaylovna returned, Sergius was sitting in the +little room waiting for her. He did not come out for dinner, but +had some soup and gruel which Lukerya brought him. + +'How is it that you have come back earlier than you said?' asked +Sergius. 'Can I speak to you now?' + +'How is it that I have the happiness to receive such a guest? I +have missed one of my lessons. That can wait . . . I had always +been planning to go to see you. I wrote to you, and now this +good fortune has come.' + +'Pashenka, please listen to what I am going to tell you as to a +confession made to God at my last hour. Pashenka, I am not a +holy man, I am not even as good as a simple ordinary man; I am a +loathsome, vile, and proud sinner who has gone astray, and who, +if not worse than everyone else, is at least worse than most very +bad people.' + +Pashenka looked at him at first with staring eyes. But she +believed what he said, and when she had quite grasped it she +touched his hand, smiling pityingly, and said: + +'Perhaps you exaggerate, Stiva?' + +'No, Pashenka. I am an adulterer, a murderer, a blasphemer, and +a deceiver.' + +'My God! How is that?' exclaimed Praskovya Mikhaylovna. + +'But I must go on living. And I, who thought I knew everything, +who taught others how to live--I know nothing and ask you to +teach me.' + +'What are you saying, Stiva? You are laughing at me. Why do you +always make fun of me?' + +'Well, if you think I am jesting you must have it as you please. +But tell me all the same how you live, and how you have lived +your life.' + +'I? I have lived a very nasty, horrible life, and now God is +punishing me as I deserve. I live so wretchedly, so wretchedly . +. .' + +'How was it with your marriage? How did you live with your +husband?' + +'It was all bad. I married because I fell in love in the +nastiest way. Papa did not approve. But I would not listen to +anything and just got married. Then instead of helping my +husband I tormented him by my jealousy, which I could not +restrain.' + +'I heard that he drank . . .' + +'Yes, but I did not give him any peace. I always reproached him, +though you know it is a disease! He could not refrain from it. +I now remember how I tried to prevent his having it, and the +frightful scenes we had!' + +And she looked at Kasatsky with beautiful eyes, suffering from +the remembrance. + +Kasatsky remembered how he had been told that Pashenka's husband +used to beat her, and now, looking at her thin withered neck with +prominent veins behind her ears, and her scanty coil of hair, +half grey half auburn, he seemed to see just how it had occurred. + +'Then I was left with two children and no means at all.' + +'But you had an estate!' + +'Oh, we sold that while Vasya was still alive, and the money was +all spent. We had to live, and like all our young ladies I did +not know how to earn anything. I was particularly useless and +helpless. So we spent all we had. I taught the children and +improved my own education a little. And then Mitya fell ill when +he was already in the fourth form, and God took him. Masha fell +in love with Vanya, my son-in-law. And--well, he is well-meaning +but unfortunate. He is ill.' + +'Mamma!'--her daughter's voice interrupted her--'Take Mitya! I +can't be in two places at once.' + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna shuddered, but rose and went out of the +room, stepping quickly in her patched shoes. She soon came back +with a boy of two in her arms, who threw himself backwards and +grabbed at her shawl with his little hands. + +'Where was I? Oh yes, he had a good appointment here, and his +chief was a kind man too. But Vanya could not go on, and had to +give up his position.' + +'What is the matter with him?' + +'Neurasthenia--it is a dreadful complaint. We consulted a +doctor, who told us he ought to go away, but we had no means. . . +. I always hope it will pass of itself. He has no particular +pain, but . . .' + +'Lukerya!' cried an angry and feeble voice. 'She is always sent +away when I want her. Mamma . . .' + +'I'm coming!' Praskovya Mikhaylovna again interrupted herself. +'He has not had his dinner yet. He can't eat with us.' + +She went out and arranged something, and came back wiping her +thin dark hands. + +'So that is how I live. I always complain and am always +dissatisfied, but thank God the grandchildren are all nice and +healthy, and we can still live. But why talk about me?' + +'But what do you live on?' + +'Well, I earn a little. How I used to dislike music, but how +useful it is to me now!' Her small hand lay on the chest of +drawers beside which she was sitting, and she drummed an exercise +with her thin fingers. + +'How much do you get for a lesson?' + +'Sometimes a ruble, sometimes fifty kopeks, or sometimes thirty. +They are all so kind to me.' + +'And do your pupils get on well?' asked Kasatsky with a slight +smile. + +Praskovya Mikhaylovna did not at first believe that he was asking +seriously, and looked inquiringly into his eyes. + +'Some of them do. One of them is a splendid girl--the butcher's +daughter--such a good kind girl! If I were a clever woman I +ought, of course, with the connexions Papa had, to be able to get +an appointment for my son-in-law. But as it is I have not been +able to do anything, and have brought them all to this--as you +see.' + +'Yes, yes,' said Kasatsky, lowering his head. 'And how is it, +Pashenka--do you take part in Church life?' + +'Oh, don't speak of it. I am so bad that way, and have neglected +it so! I keep the fasts with the children and sometimes go to +church, and then again sometimes I don't go for months. I only +send the children.' + +'But why don't you go yourself?' + +'To tell the truth' (she blushed) 'I am ashamed, for my +daughter's sake and the children's, to go there in tattered +clothes, and I haven't anything else. Besides, I am just lazy.' + +'And do you pray at home?' + +'I do. But what sort of prayer is it? Only mechanical. I know +it should not be like that, but I lack real religious feeling. +The only thing is that I know how bad I am . . .' + +'Yes, yes, that's right!' said Kasatsky, as if approvingly. + +'I'm coming! I'm coming!' she replied to a call from her +son-in-law, and tidying her scanty plait she left the room. + +But this time it was long before she returned. When she came +back, Kasatsky was sitting in the same position, his elbows +resting on his knees and his head bowed. But his wallet was +strapped on his back. + +When she came in, carrying a small tin lamp without a shade, he +raised his fine weary eyes and sighed very deeply. + +'I did not tell them who you are,' she began timidly. 'I only +said that you are a pilgrim, a nobleman, and that I used to know +you. Come into the dining-room for tea.' + +'No . . .' + +'Well then, I'll bring some to you here.' + +'No, I don't want anything. God bless you, Pashenka! I am going +now. If you pity me, don't tell anyone that you have seen me. +For the love of God don't tell anyone. Thank you. I would bow to +your feet but I know it would make you feel awkward. Thank you, +and forgive me for Christ's sake!' + +'Give me your blessing.' + +'God bless you! Forgive me for Christ's sake!' + +He rose, but she would not let him go until she had given him +bread and butter and rusks. He took it all and went away. + +It was dark, and before he had passed the second house he was +lost to sight. She only knew he was there because the dog at the +priest's house was barking. + +'So that is what my dream meant! Pashenka is what I ought to +have been but failed to be. I lived for men on the pretext of +living for God, while she lived for God imagining that she lives +for men. Yes, one good deed--a cup of water given without +thought of reward--is worth more than any benefit I imagined I +was bestowing on people. But after all was there not some share +of sincere desire to serve God?' he asked himself, and the answer +was: 'Yes, there was, but it was all soiled and overgrown by +desire for human praise. Yes, there is no God for the man who +lives, as I did, for human praise. I will now seek Him!' + +And he walked from village to village as he had done on his way +to Pashenka, meeting and parting from other pilgrims, men and +women, and asking for bread and a night's rest in Christ's name. +Occasionally some angry housewife scolded him, or a drunken +peasant reviled him, but for the most part he was given food and +drink and even something to take with him. His noble bearing +disposed some people in his favour, while others on the contrary +seemed pleased at the sight of a gentleman who had come to +beggary. + +But his gentleness prevailed with everyone. + +Often, finding a copy of the Gospels in a hut he would read it +aloud, and when they heard him the people were always touched and +surprised, as at something new yet familiar. + +When he succeeded in helping people, either by advice, or by his +knowledge of reading and writing, or by settling some quarrel, he +did not wait to see their gratitude but went away directly +afterwards. And little by little God began to reveal Himself +within him. + +Once he was walking along with two old women and a soldier. They +were stopped by a party consisting of a lady and gentleman in a +gig and another lady and gentleman on horseback. The husband was +on horseback with his daughter, while in the gig his wife was +driving with a Frenchman, evidently a traveller. + +The party stopped to let the Frenchman see the pilgrims who, in +accord with a popular Russian superstition, tramped about from +place to place instead of working. + +They spoke French, thinking that the others would not understand +them. + +'Demandez-leur,' said the Frenchman, 's'ils sont bien sur de ce +que leur pelerinage est agreable a Dieu.' + +The question was asked, and one old woman replied: + +'As God takes it. Our feet have reached the holy places, but our +hearts may not have done so.' + +They asked the soldier. He said that he was alone in the world +and had nowhere else to go. + +They asked Kasatsky who he was. + +'A servant of God.' + +'Qu'est-ce qu'il dit? Il ne repond pas.' + +'Il dit qu'il est un serviteur de Dieu. Cela doit etre un fils +de preetre. Il a de la race. Avez-vous de la petite monnaie?' + +The Frenchman found some small change and gave twenty kopeks to +each of the pilgrims. + +'Mais dites-leur que ce n'est pas pour les cierges que je leur +donne, mais pour qu'ils se regalent de the. Chay, chay pour +vous, mon vieux!' he said with a smile. And he patted Kasatsky +on the shoulder with his gloved hand. + +'May Christ bless you,' replied Kasatsky without replacing his +cap and bowing his bald head. + +He rejoiced particularly at this meeting, because he had +disregarded the opinion of men and had done the simplest, easiest +thing--humbly accepted twenty kopeks and given them to his +comrade, a blind beggar. The less importance he attached to the +opinion of men the more did he feel the presence of God within +him. + +For eight months Kasatsky tramped on in this manner, and in the +ninth month he was arrested for not having a passport. This +happened at a night-refuge in a provincial town where he had +passed the night with some pilgrims. He was taken to the +police-station, and when asked who he was and where was his +passport, he replied that he had no passport and that he was a +servant of God. He was classed as a tramp, sentenced, and sent +to live in Siberia. + +In Siberia he has settled down as the hired man of a well-to-do +peasant, in which capacity he works in the kitchen-garden, +teaches children, and attends to the sick. + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Father Sergius by Leo Tolstoy + diff --git a/old/fsrgs10.zip b/old/fsrgs10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b5b6461 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/fsrgs10.zip |
