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+Project Gutenberg's Etext of The Book of Nonsense by Edward Lear
+
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+Book of Nonsense
+
+by Edward Lear
+
+July, 1997  [Etext #982]
+
+
+Project Gutenberg's Etext of The Book of Nonsense by Edward Lear
+******This file should be named nnsns10.txt or nnsns10.zip******
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+*END*THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END*
+
+
+
+
+
+BOOK OF NONSENSE
+
+by EDWARD LEAR
+
+
+
+There was an Old Derry down Derry,
+Who loved to see little folks merry;
+So he made them a Book,
+And with laughter they shook,
+At the fun of that Derry down Derry!
+
+
+
+
+TO THE GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, 
+GRAND-NEPHEWS, AND GRAND-NIECES
+OF EDWARD, 13th EARL OF DERBY,
+
+THIS BOOK OF DRAWINGS AND VERSES
+
+(The greater part of which were originally 
+made and composed for their parents,)
+
+IS DEDICATED BY THE AUTHOR,
+
+EDWARD LEAR
+
+
+
+
+1.
+
+There was an Old Man with a beard,
+Who said, "It is just as I feared!--
+Two Owls and a Hen,
+Four Larks and a Wren,
+Have all built their nests in my beard!"
+
+
+
+2.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Ryde,
+Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied;
+She purchased some clogs,
+And some small spotty dogs,
+And frequently walked about Ryde.
+
+
+
+3.
+
+There was an Old Man with a nose,
+Who said, "If you choose to suppose,
+That my nose is too long,
+You are certainly wrong!"
+That remarkable Man with a nose.
+
+
+
+4.
+
+There was an Old Man on a hill,
+Who seldom, if ever, stood still;
+He ran up and down,
+In his Grandmother's gown,
+Which adorned that Old Man on a hill.
+
+
+
+5.
+
+There was a Young Lady whose bonnet,
+Came untied when the birds sate upon it;
+But she said, "I don't care!
+All the birds in the air
+Are welcome to sit on my bonnet!"
+
+
+
+6.
+
+There was a Young Person of Smyrna,
+Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her;
+But she seized on the Cat,
+And said, "Granny, burn that!
+"You incongruous Old Woman of Smyrna!"
+
+
+
+7.
+
+There was an Old Person of Chili,
+Whose conduct was painful and silly;
+He sate on the stairs,
+Eating apples and pears,
+That imprudent Old Person of Chili.
+
+
+
+8.
+
+There was an Old Man with a gong,
+Who bumped at it all the day long;
+But they called out, "O law!
+You"re a horrid old bore!"
+So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.
+
+
+
+9.
+
+There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,
+Who made a remarkable curtsey;
+She twirled round and round,
+Till she sunk underground,
+Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.
+
+
+
+10.
+
+There was an Old Man in a tree,
+Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
+When they said, "Does it buzz?"
+He replied, "Yes, it does!
+"It's a regular brute of a Bee!"
+
+
+
+11.
+
+There was an Old Man with a flute,
+A sarpint ran into his boot;
+But he played day and night,
+Till the sarpint took flight,
+And avoided that man with a flute.
+
+
+
+12.
+
+There was a Young Lady whose chin,
+Resembled the point of a pin:
+So she had it made sharp,
+And purchased a harp,
+And played several tunes with her chin.
+
+
+
+13.
+
+There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
+Who never had more than a penny;
+He spent all that money,
+In onions and honey,
+That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.
+
+
+
+14.
+
+There was an Old Person of Ischia,
+Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier;
+He danced hornpipes and jigs,
+And ate thousands of figs,
+That lively Old Person of Ischia.
+
+
+
+15.
+
+There was an Old Man in a boat,
+Who said, "I'm afloat! I'm afloat!"
+When they said, "No! you ain't!"
+He was ready to faint,
+That unhappy Old Man in a boat.
+
+
+
+16.
+
+There was a Young lady of Portugal,
+Whose ideas were excessively nautical;
+She climbed up a tree,
+To examine the sea,
+But declared she would never leave Portugal.
+
+
+
+17.
+
+There was an Old Man of Moldavia,
+Who had the most curious behaviour;
+For while be was able,
+He slept on a table,
+That funny Old Man of Moldavia
+
+
+
+18.
+
+There was an Old Man of Madras,
+Who rode on a cream-coloured ass;
+But the length of its ears,
+So promoted his fears,
+That it killed that Old Man of Madras.
+
+
+
+19.
+
+There was an Old Person of Leeds,
+Whose head was infested with beads;
+She sat on a stool,
+And ate gooseberry fool,
+Which agreed with that person of Leeds.
+
+
+
+20.
+
+There was an Old Man of Peru,
+Who never knew what he should do;
+So he tore off his hair,
+And behaved like a bear,
+That intrinsic Old Man of Peru.
+
+
+
+21.
+
+There was an Old Person of Hurst,
+Who drank when he was not athirst;
+When they said, "You'll grow fatter,"
+He answered, "What matter?"
+That globular Person of Hurst.
+
+
+
+22.
+
+There was a Young person of Crete,
+Whose toilette was far from complete;
+She dressed in a sack,
+Spickle-speckled with black,
+That ombliferous person of Crete.
+
+
+
+23.
+
+There was an Old Man of the Isles,
+Whose face was pervaded with smiles;
+He sung high dum diddle,
+And played on the fiddle,
+That amiable Man of the Isles.
+
+
+
+24.
+
+There was an Old Person of Buda,
+Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder;
+Till at last, with a hammer,
+They silenced his clamour,
+By smashing that Person of Buda
+
+
+
+25.
+
+There was an Old Man of Columbia,
+Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer;
+But they brought it quite hot,
+In a small copper pot,
+Which disgusted that man of Columbia.
+
+
+
+26.
+
+There was a young Lady of Dorking,
+Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
+But its colour and size,
+So bedazzled her eyes,
+That she very soon went back to Dorking.
+
+
+
+27.
+
+There was an Old Man who supposed,
+That the street door was partially closed;
+But some very large rats,
+Ate his coats and his hats,
+While that futile old gentleman dozed.
+
+
+
+28.
+
+There was an Old Man of the West,
+Who wore a pale plum-coloured vest;
+When they said, "Does it fit?"
+He replied, "Not a bit!"
+That uneasy Old Man of the West.
+
+
+
+29.
+
+There was an Old Man of the Wrekin,
+Whose shoes made a horrible creaking;
+But they said, "Tell us whether,
+Your shoes are of leather,
+Or of what, you Old Man of the Wrekin?"
+
+
+
+30.
+
+There was a Young Lady whose eyes,
+Were unique as to colour and size;
+When she opened them wide,
+People all turned aside,
+And started away in surprise.
+
+
+
+31.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Norway,
+Who casually sat in a doorway;
+When the door squeezed her flat,
+She exclaimed, "What of that?"
+This courageous Young Lady of Norway.
+
+
+
+32.
+
+There was an Old Man of Vienna,
+Who lived upon Tincture of Senna;
+When that did not agree,
+He took Camomile Tea,
+That nasty Old Man of Vienna.
+
+
+
+33.
+
+There was an Old Person whose habits,
+Induced him to feed upon Rabbits;
+When he'd eaten eighteen,
+He turned perfectly green,
+Upon which he relinquished those habits.
+
+
+
+34.
+
+There was an old person of Dover,
+Who rushed through a field of blue Clover;
+But some very large bees,
+Stung his nose and his knees,
+So he very soon went back to Dover.
+
+
+
+35.
+
+There was an Old Man of Marseilles,
+Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils;
+They caught several Fish,
+Which they put in a dish,
+And sent to their Pa at Marseilles.
+
+
+
+36.
+
+There was an Old Person of Cadiz,
+Who was always polite to all ladies;
+But in handing his daughter,
+He fell into the water,
+Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz.
+
+
+
+37.
+
+There was an Old Person of Basing,
+Whose presence of mind was amazing;
+He purchased a steed,
+Which he rode at full speed,
+And escaped from the people of Basing.
+
+
+
+38.
+
+There was an Old Man of Quebec,
+A beetle ran over his neck;
+But he cried, "With a needle,
+I'll slay you, O beadle!"
+That angry Old Man of Quebec.
+
+
+
+39.
+
+There was an Old Person of Philae,
+Whose conduct was scroobious and wily;
+He rushed up a Palm,
+When the weather was calm,
+And observed all the ruins of Philae.
+
+
+
+40.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Bute,
+Who played on a silver-gilt flute;
+She played several jigs,
+To her uncle's white pigs,
+That amusing Young Lady of Bute.
+
+
+
+41.
+
+There was a Young Lady whose nose,
+Was so long that it reached to her toes;
+So she hired an Old Lady,
+Whose conduct was steady,
+To carry that wonderful nose.
+
+
+
+42.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Turkey,
+Who wept when the weather was murky;
+When the day turned out fine,
+She ceased to repine,
+That capricious Young Lady of Turkey.
+
+
+
+43.
+
+There was an Old Man of Apulia,
+Whose conduct was very peculiar;
+He fed twenty sons,
+Upon nothing but buns,
+That whimsical Man of Apulia.
+
+
+
+44.
+
+There was an Old Man with a poker,
+Who painted his face with red oker;
+When they said, "You're a Guy!"
+He made no reply,
+But knocked them all down with his poker.
+
+
+
+45.
+
+There was an Old Person of Prague,
+Who was suddenly seized with the plague;
+But they gave him some butter,
+Which caused him to mutter,
+And cured that Old Person of Prague.
+
+
+
+46.
+
+There was an Old Man of the North,
+Who fell into a basin of broth;
+But a laudable cook,
+Fished him out with a hook,
+Which saved that Old Man of the North.
+
+
+
+47.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Poole,
+Whose soup was excessively cool;
+So she put it to boil,
+By the aid of some oil,
+That ingenious Young Lady of Poole.
+
+
+
+48.
+
+There was an Old Person of Mold,
+Who shrank from sensations of cold;
+So he purchased some muffs,
+Some furs and some fluffs,
+And wrapped himself from the cold.
+
+
+
+49.
+
+There was an Old Man or Nepaul,
+>From his horse had a terrible fall;
+But, though split quite in two,
+By some very strong glue,
+They mended that Man of Nepaul.
+
+
+
+50.
+
+There was an old Man of th' Abruzzi,
+So blind that he couldn't his foot see;
+When they said, "That's your toe,"
+He replied, "Is it so?"
+That doubtful old Man of th' Abruzzi.
+
+
+
+51.
+
+There was an Old Person of Rhodes,
+Who strongly objected to toads;
+He paid several cousins,
+To catch them by dozens,
+That futile Old Person of Rhodes.
+
+
+
+52.
+
+There was an Old Man of Peru,
+Who watched his wife making a stew;
+But once by mistake,
+In a stove she did bake,
+That unfortunate Man of Peru.
+
+
+
+53.
+
+There was an Old Man of Melrose,
+Who walked on the tips of his toes;
+But they said, "It ain't pleasant,
+To see you at present,
+You stupid Old Man of Melrose."
+
+
+
+54.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Lucca,
+Whose lovers completely forsook her;
+She ran up a tree,
+And said, "Fiddle-de-dee!"
+Which embarassed the people of Lucca.
+
+
+
+55.
+
+There was an old Man of Bohemia,
+Whose daughter was christened Euphemia;
+Till one day, to his grief,
+She married a thief,
+Which grieved that old Man of Bohemia.
+
+
+
+56.
+
+There was an Old Man of Vesuvius,
+Who studied the works of Vitruvius;
+When the flames burnt his book,
+To drinking he took,
+That morbid Old Man of Vesuvius.
+
+
+
+57.
+
+There was an Old Man of Cape Horn,
+Who wished he had never been born;
+So he sat on a chair,
+Till he died of despair,
+That dolorous Man of Cape Horn.
+
+
+
+58.
+
+There was an Old Lady whose folly,
+Induced her to sit in a holly;
+Whereon by a thorn,
+Her dress being torn,
+She quickly became melancholy.
+
+
+
+59.
+
+There was an Old Man of Corfu,
+Who never knew what he should do;
+So he rushed up and down,
+Till the sun made him brown,
+That bewildered Old Man of Corfu.
+
+
+
+60.
+
+There was an Old Man of the South,
+Who had an immoderate mouth;
+But in swallowing a dish,
+That was quite full of fish,
+He was choked, that Old Man of the South.
+
+
+
+61.
+
+There was an Old Man of the Nile,
+Who sharpened his nails with a file;
+Till he cut off his thumbs,
+And said calmly, "This comes--
+Of sharpening one's nails with a file!"
+
+
+
+62.
+
+There was an Old Person of Rheims,
+Who was troubled with horrible dreams;
+So, to keep him awake,
+They fed him with cake,
+Which amused that Old Person of Rheims.
+
+
+
+63.
+
+There was an Old Person of Cromer,
+Who stood on one leg to read Homer;
+When he found he grew stiff,
+He jumped over the cliff,
+Which concluded that Person of Cromer.
+
+
+
+64.
+
+There was an Old Person of Troy,
+Whose drink was warm brandy and soy;
+Which he took with a spoon,
+By the light of the moon,
+In sight of the city of Troy.
+
+
+
+65.
+
+There was an Old Man of the Dee,
+Who was sadly annoyed by a flea;
+When he said, "I will scratch it,"
+They gave him a hatchet,
+Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee.
+
+
+
+66.
+
+There was an Old Man of Dundee,
+Who frequented the top of a tree;
+When disturbed by the crows,
+He abruptly arose,
+And exclaimed, "I'll return to Dundee."
+
+
+
+67.
+
+There was an Old Person of Tring,
+Who embellished his nose with a ring;
+He gazed at the moon,
+Every evening in June,
+That ecstatic Old Person of Tring.
+
+
+
+68.
+
+There was an Old Man on some rocks,
+Who shut his wife up in a box;
+When she said, "Let me out,"
+He exclaimed, "Without doubt,
+You will pass all your life in that box."
+
+
+
+69.
+
+There was an Old Man of Coblenz,
+The length of whose legs was immense;
+He went with one prance,
+>From Turkey to France,
+That surprising Old Man of Coblenz.
+
+
+
+70.
+
+There was an Old Man of Calcutta,
+Who perpetually ate bread and butter;
+Till a great bit of muffin,
+On which he was stuffing,
+Choked that horrid old man of Calcutta.
+
+
+
+71.
+
+There was an Old Man in a pew,
+Whose waistcoat was spotted with blue;
+But he tore it in pieces,
+To give to his nieces,--
+That cheerful Old Man in a pew.
+
+
+
+72.
+
+There was an Old Man who said, "How,--
+Shall I flee from this horrible Cow?
+I will sit on this stile,
+And continue to smile,
+Which may soften the heart of that Cow."
+
+
+
+73.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Hull,
+Who was chased by a virulent Bull;
+But she seized on a spade,
+And called out--"Who's afraid!"
+Which distracted that virulent Bull.
+
+
+
+74.
+
+There was an Old Man of Whitehaven,
+Who danced a quadrille with a Raven;
+But they said--"It's absurd,
+To encourage this bird!"
+So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven.
+
+
+
+75.
+
+There was an Old Man of Leghorn,
+The smallest as ever was born;
+But quickly snapt up he,
+Was once by a puppy,
+Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.
+
+
+
+76.
+
+There was an Old Man of the Hague,
+Whose ideas were excessively vague;
+He built a balloon,
+To examine the moon,
+That deluded Old Man of the Hague.
+
+
+
+77.
+
+There was an Old Man of Jamaica,
+Who suddenly married a Quaker;
+But she cried out--"O lack!
+I have married a black!"
+Which distressed that Old Man of Jamaica.
+
+
+
+78.
+
+There was an old person of Dutton,
+Whose head was so small as a button;
+So to make it look big,
+He purchased a wig,
+And rapidly rushed about Dutton.
+
+
+
+79.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Tyre,
+Who swept the loud chords of a lyre;
+At the sound of each sweep,
+She enraptured the deep,
+And enchanted the city of Tyre.
+
+
+
+80.
+
+There was an Old Man who said, " Hush!
+I perceive a young bird in this bush!"
+When they said--"Is it small?"
+He replied--"Not at all!
+It is four times as big as the bush!"
+
+
+
+81.
+
+There was an Old Man of the East,
+Who gave all his children a feast;
+But they all ate so much,
+And their conduct was such,
+That it killed that Old Man of the East.
+
+
+
+82.
+
+There was an Old Man of Kamschatka,
+Who possessed a remarkably fat cur,
+His gait and his waddle,
+Were held as a model,
+To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.
+
+
+
+83.
+
+There was an Old Man of the Coast,
+Who placidly sat on a post;
+But when it was cold,
+He relinquished his hold,
+And called for some hot buttered toast.
+
+
+
+84.
+
+There was an Old Person of Bangor,
+Whose face was distorted with anger;
+He tore off his boots,
+And subsisted on roots,
+That borascible person of Bangor.
+
+
+
+85.
+
+There was an Old Man with a beard,
+Who sat on a horse when he reared;
+But they said, "Never mind!
+You will fall off behind,
+You propitious Old Man with a beard!"
+
+
+
+86.
+
+There was an Old Man of the West,
+Who never could get any rest;
+So they set him to spin,
+On his nose find his chin,
+Which cured that Old Man of the West.
+
+
+
+87.
+
+There was an Old Person of Anerley,
+Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly;
+He rushed down the Strand,
+With a Pig in each hand,
+But returned in the evening to Anerley.
+
+
+
+88.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Troy,
+Whom several large flies did annoy;
+Some she killed with a thump,
+Some she drowned at the pump,
+And some she took with her to Troy.
+
+
+
+89.
+
+There was an Old Man of Berlin,
+Whose form was uncommonly thin;
+Till he once, by mistake,
+Was mixed up in a cake,
+So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.
+
+
+
+90.
+
+There was an Old Person of Spain,
+Who hated all trouble and pain;
+So he sate on a chair,
+With his feet in the air,
+That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.
+
+
+
+91.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Russia,
+Who screamed so that no one could hush her;
+Her screams were extreme,
+No one heard such a scream,
+As was screamed by that Lady of Russia.
+
+
+
+92.
+
+There was an Old Man, who said, "Well!
+Will NOBODY answer this bell?
+I have pulled day and night,
+Till my hair has grown white,
+But nobody answers this bell!"
+
+
+
+93.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Wales,
+Who caught a large fish without scales;
+When she lifted her hook,
+She exclaimed, "Only look!"
+That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales.
+
+
+
+94.
+
+There was an Old Person of Cheadle,
+Was put in the stocks by the beadle;
+For stealing some pigs,
+Some coats, and some wigs,
+That horrible Person of Cheadle.
+
+
+
+95.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Welling,
+Whose praise all the world was a-telling;
+She played on the harp,
+And caught several carp,
+That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.
+
+
+
+96.
+
+There was an Old Person of Tartary,
+Who divided his jugular artery;
+But he screeched to his wife,
+And she said, "Oh, my life!
+Your death will be felt by all Tartary!"
+
+
+
+97.
+
+There was an old Person of Chester,
+Whom several small children did pester;
+They threw some large stones,
+Which broke most of his bones,
+And displeased that old person of Chester.
+
+
+
+98.
+
+There was an Old Man with an owl,
+Who continued to bother and howl;
+He sate on a rail,
+And imbibed bitter ale,
+Which refreshed that Old Man and his owl.
+
+
+
+99.
+
+There was an Old Person of Gretna,
+Who rushed down the crater of Etna;
+When they said, "Is it hot?"
+He replied, "No, it's not!"
+That mendacious Old Person of Gretna.
+
+
+
+100.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Sweden,
+Who went by the slow train to Weedon;
+When they cried, "Weedon Station!"
+She made no observation,
+But thought she should go back to Sweden.
+
+
+
+101.
+
+There was a Young Girl of Majorca,
+Whose aunt was a very fast walker;
+She walked seventy miles,
+And leaped fifteen stiles,
+Which astonished that Girl of Majorca.
+
+
+
+102.
+
+There was an Old Man of the Cape,
+Who possessed a large Barbary Ape;
+Till the Ape one dark night,
+Set the house on a light,
+Which burned that Old Man of the Cape.
+
+
+
+103.
+
+There was an Old Lady of Prague,
+Whose language was horribly vague;
+When they said, "Are these caps?"
+She answered, "Perhaps!"
+That oracular Lady of Prague.
+
+
+
+104.
+
+There was an Old Person of Sparta,
+Who had twenty-five sons and one daughter;
+He fed them on snails,
+And weighed them in scales,
+That wonderful person of Sparta.
+
+
+
+105.
+
+There was an Old Man at a easement,
+Who held up his hands in amazement;
+When they said, "Sir, you'll fall!"
+He replied, "Not at all!"
+That incipient Old Man at a casement.
+
+
+
+106.
+
+There was an old Person of Burton,
+Whose answers were rather uncertain;
+When they said, "How d'ye do?"
+He replied, "Who are you?"
+That distressing old person of Burton.
+
+
+
+107.
+
+There was an Old Person of Ems,
+Who casually fell in the Thames;
+And when he was found,
+They said he was drowned,
+That unlucky Old Person of Ems.
+
+
+
+108.
+
+There was an Old Person of Ewell,
+Who chiefly subsisted on gruel;
+But to make it more nice,
+He inserted some mice,
+Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.
+
+
+
+109.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Parma,
+Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer;
+When they said, "Are you dumb?"
+She merely said, "Hum!"
+That provoking Young Lady of Parma.
+
+
+
+110.
+
+There was an Old Man of Aosta,
+Who possessed a large Cow, but he lost her;
+But they said, "Don't you see,
+She has rushed up a tree?
+You invidious Old Man of Aosta!"
+
+
+
+111.
+
+There was an Old Man, on whose nose,
+Most birds of the air could repose;
+But they all flew away,
+At the closing of day,
+Which relieved that Old Man and his nose.
+
+
+
+112.
+
+There was a Young Lady of Clare,
+Who was sadly pursued by a bear;
+When she found she was tired,
+She abruptly expired,
+That unfortunate Lady of Clare.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Etext of The Book of Nonsense by Edward Lear
+
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