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You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: The Adventures of Hugh Trevor + +Author: Thomas Holcroft + +Release Date: February, 2006 [EBook #9811] +[This file was first posted on October 19, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE ADVENTURES OF HUGH TREVOR *** + + + + +E-text prepared by Jonathan Ingram, William Flis, and the Project Gutenberg +Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + + + +_The Adventures of Hugh Trevor_ + +by + +Thomas Holcroft + + + + + + + + --'TIS SO PAT TO ALL THE TRIBE + EACH SWEARS THAT WAS LEVELLED AT ME. + + GAY + + + + +VOLUME I + + + + +PREFACE + + +Every man of determined inquiry, who will ask, without the dread of +discovering more than he dares believe, what is divinity? what is law? +what is physic? what is war? and what is trade? will have great reason +to doubt at some times of the virtue, and at others of the utility, of +each of these different employments. What profession should a man of +principle, who is anxiously desirous to promote individual and general +happiness, chuse for his son? The question has perplexed many parents, +and certainly deserves a serious examination. Is a novel a good mode +for discussing it, or a proper vehicle for moral truth? Of this some +perhaps will be inclined to doubt. Others, whose intellectual powers +were indubitably of the first order, have considered the art of novel +writing as very essentially connected with moral instruction. Of this +opinion was the famous Turgot, who we are told affirmed that more +grand moral truths had been promulgated by novel writers than by any +other class of men. + +But, though I consider the choice of a profession as the interesting +question agitated in the following work, I have endeavoured to keep +another important inquiry continually in view. This inquiry is, the +growth of intellect. Philosophers have lately paid much attention +to the progress of mind; the subject is with good reason become a +favourite with them, and the more the individual and the general +history of man is examined the more proofs do they discover in +support of his perfectability. Man is continually impelled, by the +vicissitudes of life, to great vicissitudes of opinion and conduct. He +is a being necessarily subject to change; and the inquiry of wisdom +ought continually to be, how may he change for the better? From +individual facts, and from them alone, can general knowledge be +obtained. + +Two men of different opinions were once conversing. The one scoffed at +innate ideas, instinctive principles, and occult causes: the other was +a believer in natural gifts, and an active fabricator of suppositions. +Suggest but the slightest hint and he would erect a hypothesis which +no argument, at least none that he would listen to, could overthrow. +So convinced was he of the force of intuitive powers, and natural +propensities, as existing in himself, that, having proposed to write +a treatise to prove that apple trees might bear oysters, or something +equally true and equally important, he was determined he said to +seek for no exterior aid or communication, from books, or things, or +men; being convinced that the activity of his own mind would afford +intuitive argument, of more worth than all the adulterated and +suspicious facts that experience could afford. + +To this his antagonist replied, he knew but of one mode of obtaining +knowledge; which was by the senses. Whether this knowledge entered +at the eye, the ear, the papillary nerves, the olfactory, or by that +more general sense which we call feeling, was, he argued, of little +consequence; but at some or all of these it must enter, for he had +never discovered any other inlet. If however the system of his +opponent were true, he could only say that, in all probability, his +intended treatise would have been written in the highest perfection +had he begun and ended it before he had been born. + +If this reasoning be just, I think we may conclude that the man of +forty will be somewhat more informed than the infant, who has but +just seen the light. Deductions of a like kind will teach us that +the collective knowledge of ages is superior to the rude dawning of +the savage state; and if this be so, of which I find it difficult +to doubt, it surely is not absolutely impossible but that men may +continue thus to collect knowledge; and that ten thousand years hence, +if this good world should last so long, they may possibly learn +their alphabet in something less time than we do even now, in these +enlightened days. + +For these reasons, I have occasionally called the attention of the +reader to the lessons received by the principal character of the +following work, to the changes they produced in him, and to the +progress of his understanding. I conclude with adding that in my +opinion, all well written books, that discuss the actions of men, are +in reality so many histories of the progress of mind; and, if what I +now suppose be truth, it is highly advantageous to the reader to be +aware of this truth. + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +_My birth: Family dignity insulted: Resentment of my grandfather: +Parental traits of character_ + + +There are moments in which every man is apt to imagine, that the +history of his own life is the most important of all histories. The +gloom and sunshine, with which my short existence has been chequered, +lead me to suppose that a narrative of these vicissitudes may be +interesting to others, as well as to myself. + +In the opinion of some people, my misfortunes began before I was born. +The rector of ***, my grandfather, was as vain of his ancestry, as a +German baron: and perhaps with no less reason, being convinced that +Adam himself was his great progenitor. My mother, not having the +fear of her father before her eyes, forgetful of the family dignity, +disgraced herself, and contaminated the blood of her offspring, by +marrying a farmer's son. Had she married a gentleman, what that very +different being, which a gentleman doubtless must have generated, +might have been, is more than I, as I now am, can pretend to divine. +As it is, however low it may sink me in the reader's opinion, truth +obliges me to own, I am but of a mongrel breed. + +The delinquency of my mother was aggravated by the daringness of her +disobedience; for the rector, having a foresight of what was likely to +happen, had laid his express command on her never to see Hugh Trevor, +my father, more, on the very night that she eloped. Add to which, +she had the example of an elder sister, to terrify her from such +dereliction of duty; who, having married a rake, had been left a +widow, poor, desolate, and helpless, and obliged to live an unhappy +dependent on her offended father. 'I'll please my eye though I break +my heart,' said my mother. + +She kept her word. Young Hugh was an athletic, well proportioned, +handsome man; of a sanguine temper, prone to pleasure, a frequenter +of wakes and fairs, and much addicted to speculate; particularly in +cards, cocking, and horse-racing. + +Discarded by the rector, who was obstinately irreconcileable, +my mother went with her husband to reside in the house of her +father-in-law. Folly visits all orders of men. Farmers, as well as +lords and rectors, can be proud of their families. The match was +considered as an acquisition of dignity to the house of Trevor; and +my mother, bringing such an addition of honour, was most graciously +received. + +Here she remained something more than a year; and here, ten months +after the marriage, I was born. I had not openly assumed the form +which the vanity of man has dignified with divine above a fortnight, +before my grandfather, Trevor, died. He had been what is usually +called a good father; had lived in reputation, and had brought up +a large and expensive family. But as good in this sense usually +signifies indulgent, not wise, he had rather afforded his children the +means, and taught them the art, of spending money than of saving. His +circumstances were suspected, the creditors were hasty to prefer their +claims, and it soon appeared that he had died insolvent. The family +was consequently dispersed, and I, thus early, was in danger of being +turned, a poor, wailing, imbecil wanderer, on a world in which the +sacred rights of _meum_ and _tuum_ daily suffer thousands to perish. + +Fortunately, considering the exigence of the moment, my father, who +was enterprising, adroit, and loquacious, prevailed on some friends +to lend him money to stock the farm, of the lease of which he was now +in possession. In this he succeeded the more easily, because he had +already acquired the character of an excellent judge of agricultural +affairs. He was known to be acute at driving bargains, could value +sheep, heifers, steers, and bullocks better than a Leicestershire +drover, was an excellent judge of horse flesh, and, during his +father's life, had several times proved he knew the exact moment of +striking earnest. Had fate sent him to a minister's levee instead of a +market for quadrupeds, he would have been a great politician! He would +have bought and sold with as much dexterity as any dealer in black +cattle the kingdom can boast! + +At the first approach of misfortune, my mother had felt great +despondency; but when she saw her young husband so active, animated, +and fruitful in resource, her hopes presently began to brighten. The +parish where the rector resided was four miles from Trevor farm, +and the desolate prospect that at first presented itself to the +imagination of my mother had induced her to write, with no little +contrition, and all the pathos she could collect, to implore pardon +for her offence. But in vain. Her humiliation, intreaties, and dread +of want, excited sensations of triumph and obduracy, but not of +compassion, in the bosom of the man of God. The rector was implacable: +his pride was wounded, his prejudices insulted, and his anger rouzed. +He had, beside, his own money in his own pocket, and there he was +willing it should remain. Now we all know that pride, prejudice, +anger, and avarice, are four of the most perverse imps the _dramatis +personae_ of the passions can afford. The irreparable wrong done +to the family dignity, and the proper vengeance it became parental +authority to inflict, on such presumption as my father had been +guilty of, and such derogatory meanness as that of my mother, were +inexhaustible themes. + +The severity of her father rendered the fortunate efforts of her +husband tenfold delightful. They mutually exulted in that futurity +that should enable them to set the unkind rector at defiance; and Hugh +often boasted he would prove, though but a farmer, that the blood +in his veins was as warm, and perhaps as pure, as that of any proud +parson's in the kingdom. + +These were pleasant and flourishing but fleeting days. My father, +when he went to the fair to purchase his team, happened to see a fine +hunter on sale. It was a beautiful beast. Who could forbear to prefer +him and his noble form, high blood, and spirited action, to the +slouching dull and clumsy cart-horse? Hugh Trevor was not a man so +deficient in taste; he therefore, instead of a team of five, brought +home three horses for the plough, and this high bred hunter for his +pleasure. My mother herself, when she saw the animal, and heard her +husband's encomiums, could not but admire; nay she had even some +inclination to approve: especially when she listened to what follows. + +'My dear Jane,' said my father to her, after alighting from the back +of his hunter, which he had walked, trotted, and galloped, to convince +her how perfect he was in all his paces, 'My dear Jane, we have an +excellent farm; the land is in good condition, the fences sound, and +the soil rich: no man in this county understands seeding, cropping, +and marketing better than I do: we shall improve our stock and double +our rent' (it was a hundred and fifty pounds per annum) 'the first +year. I shall soon meet with a smart nag, fit for the side saddle, and +shall easily make you a good horse woman; and then, when the seed is +in the ground, we may be allowed to take a little pleasure. Perhaps we +may ride by the rector's door, and if he should not ask us in we will +not break our hearts. Who knows but, in time, we may have cause to be +as purse proud as himself?' + +My father, as it appears, was sanguine, high spirited, and not without +resentment. My mother, though her fancy was not quite so active, did +not think his reasoning much amiss; and recollected the jaunts they +were to take between seed time and harvest with complacency. + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +_Progress of my education, and conjectures on its consequences_ + + +Bold in his projects, lucky in his bargains, and fertile in resources, +every thing, for a time, which my father undertook, seemed to prosper. + +In the interim, I grew apace; and, according to the old phrase, was my +father's pride and my mother's joy. His free humour, and the delight +she took in exhibiting her boy, had occasioned me, in early infancy, +to be handed from arm to arm, and so familiarized to a variety of +countenances, as soon to be entirely exempted from the usual fears +of children. My father's bargains and sales brought me continually +acquainted with strange faces. He was vain of me, fond of having me +with him, and, as he called it, of case-hardening me. I became full +of prattle, inquisitive, had an incessant flow of spirits, and often +put interrogatories so whimsical, or so uncommon, as to make myself +remarkably amusing. + +From inclination, indeed, and not from plan, my father took some +trouble in my education; which I suspect was productive of unforeseen +effects. He played with me as a cat does with her kitten, and taught +me all the tricks of which he was master. They were chiefly indeed of +a bodily kind; such as holding me over his head erect on the palm of +his hand; putting me into various postures; making me tumble in as +many ways as he could devise; pitching me on the back of his hunter, +and accustoming me to sit on full trot; with abundance of other +antics, at which he found me apt; yet, being accompanied with laughter +and shouts, and now and then a hard knock, they tended, or I am +mistaken, not only to give bodily activity, but to awaken some of the +powers of mind; among which one of the foremost is fortitude. Insomuch +that, since I have had the honour to become a philosopher, I have +begun to doubt whether, hereafter, when the world shall be wiser, the +art of tumbling may not possibly supercede the art of dancing? But +this by the by. + +Nor was my mother, on her part, altogether deficient in activity. +Exclusive of providing me with a sister, who from some accident or +other was but a puling, wrangling, rickety young lady, she initiated +me in the mysteries and pleasures of the alphabet. The rector had +taken some trouble to make his daughters good English scholars; and +my mother, though she had retained much of his solemn song, could not +only read currently, and articulate clearly, but made some attempts to +understand what she read. It must be acknowledged, however, that her +efforts were but feeble. + +I know not how it happened that I very early became in love with this +divine art, but such was the fact. I could spell boldly at two years +and a half old, and in less than six months more could read the +collects, epistles, and gospels, without being stopped by one word in +twenty. Soon afterward I attacked the Bible, and in a few months the +tenth chapter of Nehemiah himself could not terrify me. My father +bought me many tragical ditties; such as Chevy Chace, the Children in +the Wood, Death and the Lady, and, which were infinitely the richest +gems in my library, Robin Hood's Garland, and the History of Jack the +Giant-killer. To render these treasures more captivating, observing +the delight it gave me, he used sometimes to sing the adventures of +Robin Hood with me; whether to the right tunes, or to music of his own +composing, is more than I know. + +By accidents of this and the like kind, I became so much my father's +play-thing, and toy, that, his affairs then going on prosperously, +he put me in breeches before I was four years old, bought me a pony, +which he christened Gray Bob, buckled me to the saddle for safety, and +with a leading rein used frequently to take me with him to markets, +fairs, and races. + +But, before I proceed to relate more of my infantine adventures, it +will be necessary to introduce a kinsman of mine to the reader's +acquaintance; of whom, though the alliance were now of some standing, +he has yet never heard. + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +_Rational courtship, and prudent views of widowed lovers: A strange +doubt hinted: The husband's code: Laws are quickly prescribed, and Yes +is easily said_ + + +I have already mentioned my aunt, her imprudent first marriage, +the rector's resentment, who used to pronounce himself the most +unfortunate of men, in undutiful children, and her irksome dependence +on his bounty. With this aunt Mr. Elford, a man of much worth, +considerable knowledge, and great integrity of intention, became +acquainted, and by a variety of motives was prompted to pay her his +addresses. + +No people are so certain of the happiness of a state of wedlock as a +couple courting. Some difference however must be made, between lovers +who have never married, and lovers who, having made the experiment, +find it possible that a drop of gall may now and then embitter the +cup of honey. My aunt's first husband had been a man of an easy +disposition, and readily swayed to good or ill. She had seldom +suffered contradiction from him, or heard reproach. A kind of good +humoured indolence had accustomed him rather to ward off accusation +with banter, or to be silent under it, than to contend. His +extravagance had obliged her to study the strictest economy; she, +therefore, was the ostensible person; she regulated, she corrected, +she complained. She had a tincture of the rector in her composition, +and her husband's follies afforded sufficient opportunities for the +exercise of her office. + +After his death, which happened early, the wrecks of his originally +small fortune, scarcely afforded her subsistence for a year. By +many humble but grating concessions on her part, and no less proud +upbraidings on the part of her father, she was first allowed a +trifling annuity, almost too scanty to afford the means of life, and, +as it were in resentment to the unpardonable conduct of my mother, was +afterward permitted to return to the parsonage house. + +The state of subjection in which she was kept, the dissatisfaction +this evidently created, the gloom that was visible in her countenance, +and that seemed to oppress her heart, added to a disconsolate and +habitual taciturnity, soon occasioned Mr. Elford to consider her with +compassion: and the very question--can I not afford her relief? gave +birth to ideas of a still more tender nature. + +These were seconded by a retrospect to his own situation. He had lost +a beloved wife, who had left him an infant daughter, in whose future +felicity he was strongly interested. He had often considered the +subject of education, and had become the determined enemy of +boarding-schools, where every thing is taught and nothing understood; +where airs, graces, mouth primming, shoulder-setting and elbow-holding +are studied, and affectation, formality, hypocrisy, and pride are +acquired; and where children the most promising are presently +transformed into vain, pert misses, who imagine that to perk up their +heads, turn out their toes, and exhibit the ostentatious opulence +of their relations, in a tawdry ball night dress, is the summit of +perfection. + +Determined that his child should be sent to no such academy, he +considered a second marriage as necessary. Though an excellent +economist, he was utterly a stranger to avarice. My aunt was neither +rich, nor handsome, nor young; being, according to the rector's +account, on the debtor side of his books, of an adust complection, +atrabilarious in look and temper, thirty-four, and two years older +than Mr. Elford. But he imagined he could make her happy; or at least +could relieve her from a state little less than miserable. He likewise +supposed that she was well fitted to promote plans which he held to be +wise. Errors in moral calculations frequently escape undetected, even +by the most accurate. + +But, as he was very sincere and honest in his intentions, he +thought proper, while paying his court to her, to explain what his +expectations were, and the reasons on which they were grounded. His +system was, there must be government; and, if government, there must +be governors. This by the by I believe to be a radical mistake in +politics; though I likewise believe there is not one man in fifty +thousand who would not scoff at me for the supposition. Proceeding +in his hypothesis, he concluded that the strongest understanding had +a prescriptive and inherent right to govern; and with great candour, +thus laying down the law to my aunt, he undisguisedly avowed a +conviction that his understanding was the strongest, and that to +govern would be his inherent right. + +His words were so powerful, his arguments so excellent, his statement +of them so clear, and all his deductions so indubitable, that my aunt +had not the least objection to offer. 'That must be allowed--that +cannot be denied--nothing can be more reasonable'--were her continual +answers. The consequence of all this was a marriage: and my aunt +having been noted for her prudence, during the life of her first +husband, (though not indeed in having made him her husband) and Mr. +Elford's character, for propriety, rectitude and good intention, being +still more permanently established, there was not the least doubt +entertained, especially by the parties, but that this would be a happy +match. + +Having thus brought the reader and Mr. Elford together, I must now +proceed to relate the manner in which I myself and my good uncle first +became acquainted. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +_My curiosity leads me into danger, but introduces me to a friend, who +discovers that he is my uncle_ + + +In the month of August, and the city of *****, a fair is annually +held, in which, during those halcyon days of prosperity, my father was +an active trafficker. Thither the neighbouring gentry, yeomanry, and +dealers in general, repaired, as the best mart in the county, at which +to expend their money. It was fifteen miles from Trevor farm. + +Curiosity is an incessant impulse to youth. I intreated to go, and my +petition was favourably received. When we were there, in consequence +of some bargain or sale, it happened that my father had occasion to +ride, with a farmer, to a place at some distance from the fair, and +in the interim to leave me in the care of the bar-maid of the inn, at +which we had put up. + +He had not been long gone before I, eager to see what could be seen, +broke loose from my keeper, who was too busy to pay much attention +to me, and strolled into the throng. I wandered about, without any +suspicion of danger, from place to place, I know not how long, to +drink in all the knowledge that could enter at my eyes. + +How I came there I cannot tell, but at last it appears I had rambled +into a coffee-house, put questions to the guests, who found amusement +in the novelty of my undaunted air, appearance, and prattle, and, +having taken up a newspaper and begun to display my talent, was placed +upon a table to read it aloud to the company. + +The astonished farmers could scarcely believe their ears, so much was +I, a four-year-old child, their superior in learning. Some of them +were not certain that I was not an imp of Satan, so utterly did +my performance exceed credibility. My beauty too at this age was +uncommon; my limbs were straight and strong, my cheeks of the purest +red and white, and my full flaxen hair hung in short ringlets down my +neck. The mistress and bar-maid kissed me, the men gave me money, and +they all eagerly enquired who I was, where I was going, and how I had +come there. + +In the height of this scene it happened that Mr. Elford came in, who, +though two years married to my aunt, till that time had never seen +me. Though his understanding prevented any stupid wonder, yet he felt +uncommon emotion for a child, unknown to everybody, yet happy and +fearless, and so attractive in manners, form, and intelligence. He +asked, what was my name? I answered, little Hugh. From whence did I +come? From home--Who brought me? Gray Bob.--Where was I going? To see +the fair. + +In the midst of these interrogatories, a beggar, with a child at her +back, and another that she led, came into the coffee-room. In one hand +I had a cake, given me by one of the company, which I had begun to +eat; and in the other the money, that the kindness and amazement of my +auditors had forced upon me. The woman intreated piteously for relief; +and the landlord, angry that his guests should be disturbed, advanced +to turn her out. She again intreated with great earnestness for +charity. That she inspired me with some share of pity, seems certain +for I held out my hand with the money to her, and said--Here! + +Pleased with my promptness, Mr. Elford bade her take it, and she +obeyed. The child at her back, seeing my cake, stretched out its arm; +I understood its language, and was going to give it the cake, but +checked myself, and said, No; you must not have all; your brother +must have a bit; and broke it between them. Seized with one of those +emotions, to which some few people are subject, Mr. Elford snatched me +in his arms, kissed me, and exclaimed--My good boy, I prophecy thou +wilt one day be a brave fellow! + +Just as this was passing, the city bellman took his stand opposite the +coffee-house door; and, with his _O yes_, gave notice that I was lost; +concluding with a description of my age, dress, name, and place of +abode. + +Mr. Elford immediately conjectured his business, went to listen, was +struck when he heard the particulars, and hastily returned to ask me +if my name was Hugh Trevor? I answered, yes; little Hugh. He instantly +ran after the bellman, told him the boy was found, and I was conducted +by Mr. Elford and the bellman, with a crowd in their retinue, back to +my terrified father; between whom and my uncle an acquaintance from +this time commenced. + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +_Benevolent stratagem of my uncle defeated by the unlucky and foolish +triumph of my father: The anger and oath of the rector_ + + +Mr. Elford cultivated a small estate of his own, lying about ten miles +from Trevor farm, and beyond that village of which my grandfather was +the spiritual guide. The daughter for whose sake he had first been +prompted to marry again was dead, and this perhaps was one cause that +strengthened his affection for me. He frequently rode over to visit +us, made himself my play-mate and favourite, encouraged a greater +degree of intimacy between the sisters, who were not too cordially +inclined toward each other, and soon obtained permission to take me +home with him for a fortnight. The disposition he shewed to aid my +father, and the possibility that I might one day be his heir, readily +induced my parents to comply. + +Mr. Elford, as his history will shew, was perhaps liable to greater +mistakes than might have been expected from a man of so much +understanding, ardour, and goodness of intention; but, though like +other men occasionally blind to his own errors, he could not but feel +pain at the obduracy of the rector's conduct toward my mother. For +this reason, on my first visit to his house, he concerted a plan by +which he hoped to effect a reconciliation. From the incidents that +occurred, I think it probable that he would have accomplished his +purpose, had it not been for a trick that my father played, by which +this well meant scheme was rendered abortive. + +Squire Mowbray, the lord of the manor in which lay the village where +my grandfather lived, kept his coach and his post chariot. The rector, +who had a secret enmity to him, or rather to that influence by which +his own power was diminished, kept his coach and his post chariot too, +lest he should openly avow inferiority, and his dignity be called in +question. To add to these honours, he was drawn by a pair of bays. + +It happened that one of these animals became unfit for service, +was sold, and another was wanting as his successor. A neighbouring +horse-breeder had one that was a good match, and for which the rector +had bidden money, but not enough. My father, in the mean time, had +purchased this and other horses of the owner; and the rector, when it +was too late, sent to offer the man his own price. + +The breeder made application to my father to have the horse again, +with an allowance of profit; to which he consented, till he was +accidentally told for whom the horse was designed. Flushed with +temporary success and fallacious hopes, Hugh was happy to find an +opportunity of shewing that he could resent as well as the rector, and +exultingly swore he should not have the horse, if he would purchase +him at his weight in gold. + +The message, with a due increase of insulting aggravation, was +conveyed to the divine; who was so exasperated by this audacious act +of insolence and gratuitous rebellion, that he went down on his knees, +and took a solemn oath never to forget or forgive the injury. + +Whether this became an apostle of peace, or whether divines are all +and unexceptionably apostles of peace, are questions which I do not +here pretend to analyze. + +Ignorant of this event, and glowing with the desire of affording me +a grandfather's protection, Mr. Elford pursued his little plot. The +rector had always wished for a male heir, the offspring of his own +loins; but in this he had not been indulged, by those powers that +regulate such matters. A son of his own being therefore past hope, Mr. +Elford imagined he might perhaps find consolation in the succedaneum +of a grandson. + +Accordingly, a few days after my arrival at his house, where I was to +stay a fortnight, he invited the rector, who had never yet seen me, to +dinner. Without telling him who I was, my uncle made me so diverting, +by the art with which he knew how to manage me, that the old +gentleman, quite surprized, declared I was a very extraordinary child. + +So fearless and free was my behaviour, that the rector and I presently +became familiar. I shook hands with him, sat on his knee, felt in his +pocket, gave him the history of Gray Bob, and asked for a penny to buy +me a whip. My request being granted, I wanted immediately to have a +horse saddled, that I might ride to market, and make my purchase; and +the good humour with which I received the information, that this was +a favour not to be obtained, further gained on the old theologian's +heart. I asked if he had a horse. He answered, yes, he had many +horses; and that if I would go home with him, he would let me ride +them all. Come, let us go, said I, taking hold of his hand, and +pulling him. + +Mr. Elford, waiting for the proper moment, and interrupting me, asked +my grandfather--'If you, Sir, had but such a little fellow of your +own, what would you do with him?'--'Do!' exclaimed the rector: 'I +would make a man of him. Oh that he had been mine twenty years +ago!'--'And why not, O that he were mine now?' answered Mr. Elford--'I +could be well contented that he were.' As he said this, the rector, +strange to tell, sighed--'Your wishes then are gratified,' continued +Mr. Elford: 'he is your own.'--'How?'--'Your grandson!' + +The reverend pastor was taken by surprise. Certain associations had +been set afloat, and the desire of realizing the vision had for a +moment obliterated the recollection of revenge. 'Go, Hugh,' said Mr. +Elford, 'and kiss your grandfather.' Without asking any questions, +or shewing the least token of reluctance, I went up to him, as I was +bidden, to give the kiss; but my good-humoured face, stretched out +arms, and projecting chin, were presented in vain: the words Hugh and +grandfather had conjured up the fiend, and the rector sat motionless. + +Not accustomed to meet and therefore not expecting repulse, I climbed +up his chair, stayed myself by the breast of his coat, and sat down on +his knee. The recollection of his daughter's crime, his contaminated +blood, and the insufferable insolence of my father, came strongly upon +him. He scowled at me, seized me by the arms, flung me from him with +something like violence, and walked hastily out of the house. + +The tide of passion ran so high that he would not stay to dine, but +departed, muttering anger at the conduct of Mr. Elford, and repeating +asseverations of eternal resentment and maledictions against undutiful +children. + +Mr. Elford felt an emotion something stronger than grief, to see a +pastor of the flock of Christ thus cherish the spirit of persecution. +On me the scene made but little impression. I had no apprehension that +the day was coming, when this inflexible guide of Christians would +find his prayers effectual, and his prophecies of vengeance fulfilled. +How could I know that there was so hateful a vice as malignity? The +holy seer did not indeed indulge his wrath quite so far as Elisha, at +least not openly; he did not curse me in the name of the Lord, nor did +she-bears come out of the wood to devour me; but I soon enough had +my share of misfortune. Preachers of peace, it appears, were always +irritable: but to do them justice, I believe they are something less +so now than they were of old. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +_My different preceptors and early propensities: I ride to hunt with +my father, which is productive of a strange and terrible adventure_ + + +My father's affairs still continued to wear the appearance of success, +and by the aid of Mr. Elford, he extended his speculations. For some +few years my time passed merrily away. Under the tuition of my father, +I gained health, strength, and intrepidity; and was taught to sip ale, +eat hung beef, ride like a hero, climb trees, run, jump, and swim; +that, as he said, I might face the world without fear. I grew strong +of muscle, and my thews and sinews became alert and elastic in the +execution of their office. + +To my uncle I was indebted for hints and notions of a more refined +and elevated nature. By familiar instances, he endeavoured to make me +distinguish between resisting wrongs and revenging them; and to feel +the pleasure, not only of aiding the weak, but of pardoning the +vanquished. + +From the books which I found in his house, I likewise early acquired +a religious propensity, which was encouraged by my aunt with all her +power, and seconded by my mother. Their education, and the dogmas they +had heard from the rector, had given them very high notions of the +dignity of the clerical character; in the superior presence of which, +temporal things, laymen, and civil magistracy itself, sunk into +insignificance. The perusal of Fox's Book of Martyrs, of which I was +so fond that I would sit with my aunt for hours, before I was eight +years old, and read it to her, aided their efforts: and this childhood +bias, as will be seen, greatly influenced my first pursuits in life. +We are all the creatures of the necessities under which we exist. The +history of man is but the history of these necessities, and of the +impulse, emotion, or mind, by them begotten. Of the incidents of my +childhood, that which made the deepest impression upon me I am now +going to relate. + +The daring Hugh, my father, who feared no colours, had long been +accustomed, whenever he could find time, and often indeed when he +could not, to follow the fox hounds, and hunt with his landlord, the +Squire himself. Among his other bargains, he had lately bought one of +the Squire's brood mares, Bay Meg, that had been sold because she had +twice cast her foal. On the eve of my ninth returning birth-day, being +in a gay humour (he was seldom sad) he said to me, 'I shall go out +to-morrow morning with Squire Mowbray's hounds, Hugh; will you get +up and go with me?' My heart bounded at the proposal. 'Yes,' said I. +'Lord, husband,' exclaimed my mother, 'would you break the child's +neck?' 'There is no fear,' retorted I. 'Well said, Hugh', continued my +father; 'you shall ride Bay Meg; you are but a feather, she will carry +you with ease, and will not run away with you.' 'Never fear that,' +replied I, stoutly. My mother at first made some opposition, but +my father laughed, and I coaxed, intreated, and teazed, till she +complied; for this was by no means the first scene of the kind. + +I went to bed with an overjoyed heart, and a head so full of the +morrow that I was up dressed and ready the first in the house. The +horses were brought out, my father and I mounted, we soon came up with +the sportsmen, and away we went in quest of a fox. + +We were at first unlucky, and it was late in the day before Reynard +was found; but about noon the hounds opened, he started in view, and +the sport began. + +The chace happened to be long, heavy, and continued for many miles. My +father was an eager sportsman. He valued himself both upon his hunter +and his horsemanship; and who should be first in at the death was +an honour that he would contend with the keenest sportsman in the +kingdom, though it were the Squire himself. The running was so severe +that Bay Meg became willing to lag. He looked behind, called after +me to push on, and I obeyed, and laid on her with whip and heel, as +lustily as I could. My father, anxious to keep sight of me yet not +lose the hounds, pulled in a little, and the hunted animal, in hopes +of finding cover, made toward a wood. Being prevented from entering +it, he skirted along its sides, and turning the corner, the hindmost +sportsmen followed by a short cut through the wood. + +Keeping my eye on my father, I likewise struck into the wood, but, +taking a wrong direction, was presently entangled among the trees and +brambles, and entirely at a loss. I afterward learned that my father, +having lost sight of me for some minutes, stopped, hoping I should +come up; and then rode back to seek me, while I was spurring forward +in a contrary line. + +After many efforts, stoppages, and windings, I at last made my way +through the wood, and came to the entrance of an extensive heath. The +hounds, though at a great distance, were still in hearing, and Bay +Meg, accustomed to the sport, erected her ears and listened after them +with great attention. For some time longer she obeyed the whip, and +increased her gallop, evidently with a desire to come up with them; +but after a while, finding they were out of hearing, she grew sulky, +slackened her pace, tired, and at last fairly stood still. I had been +so much used to horses that, perceiving her humour, I had the sagacity +to turn her head homeward, and she then went on again, though with a +sullen and sluggish pace. + +On looking round however, and considering, my alarm began. I was in +the middle of an extensive heath, or moor, with no living creature, +house, or object in sight, except here and there a scattered shrub and +a few sheep. It was winter, and the day was far advanced: add to this +the wind had risen, and when I turned about, was in my face, and blew +a sharp sleet which then began to fall full in my eyes, half blinded +me and the mare, and offended her nostrils so much that she once more +wheeled about, and refused to proceed either one way or the other. + +Not yet quite daunted, while I was making every effort to bring her +round, a gust of wind blew off my hat. Forgetting that Bay Meg was +tall and I short, and that there was neither gate nor mounting stone +to be seen, I alighted to recover my hat. Being down, to get up again +was impossible; my foot could not reach the stirrup. + +The lowering sky, the approach of darkness, and the utter desert in +which I found myself at length conjured up the full distress of the +scene, which seized upon my imagination, and I burst into tears. + +I continued sobbing, crying, and tugging at Bay Meg, till night had +fairly overtaken us. At last I found myself beside some white railing, +which was the boundary of a race course within the distance. This at +first seemed to promise me relief: with great difficulty I coaxed Bay +Meg up to it, climbed upon the railing, and hoped once more to mount. +But in vain; the perverse animal set her face to me, nor could any +language I was master of prevail on her to approach sideways; and if I +lifted my whip, she did but run backward and pull me down. + +This contest continued I know not how long, till quite hopeless I gave +it up, and again proceeded to lead her, not knowing where or in what +direction I was going. After a time the moon appeared, and a very +indifferent afternoon was succeeded by a fine night. I continued +sobbing, but still proceeded, as fast as I could prevail on Bay Meg +to follow me, till propitious fortune brought me to a road, where the +wheels had cut deep ruts, and the tread of horses had left the ridges +high. Here I once again essayed to mount, and by the help of the +stirrup succeeded! + +Still I knew not where I was, nor what to do; except that my only +chance was to go on. + +I had not proceeded far before the traces of road began to diminish, +and I struck into another path that seemed more beaten. This gradually +disappeared, and I soon found myself on the level green-sward, without +any marks of footing for my guide. To relieve this new distress I +turned to the right, hoping again to recover the track I had lost; +instead of which, after riding on I know not how far, I found the +heath begin to grow marshy. Again I turned, but so unfortunately that +every step the mare set sunk her deeper and deeper in a bog, till +at last she could not drag herself out. My danger was extreme; but +I rightly conjectured the bog would support me singly, better than +it would me and the mare: I therefore jumped off, kept hold of the +bridle, which I threw over her head, and by shifting my ground +prevented myself from sinking very deep, while I continued my +endeavours to relieve the mare. She made a lucky plunge, and I, +turning her head in a different direction as much as possible, found +myself in part released from this danger: though I was obliged to +proceed every step with the utmost precaution. + +Once more dismounted, wearied, and despairing, I had no resource but +to wander I knew not whither, or lie down perishing with cold on a +damp moor, while a severe frost was setting in. Great as my distress +was, I had too much courage to sink under it, and I went on, giving +some relief to my affliction by sobs and tears. + +These various circumstances continued till the night began to be far +advanced; but after two or three hours of most tedious and weary +wandering I again came to a rising ground, by the help of which with +great efforts I once more contrived to mount. I was no sooner in the +saddle than I thought I saw a light at a distance, which sometimes +seemed to glimmer and as often disappeared. Toward this however I +determined to direct my course, and proceeded losing and recovering it +till I could catch sight of it no more. + +Continuing in the same direction for some time, I came to a barn. +Benumbed, fatigued, and ready as I was to drop from the saddle, I +entered it as joyfully as a shipwrecked sailor climbs a barren rock. +I scarcely could dismount, and it was with great difficulty I could +unbuckle and take off the bridle of Bay Meg: but my hands were so +frost bitten and my perseverance so exhausted, that the saddle was +beyond my ability. I therefore shut the door, and left her to feed +on what she could find; while I went and laid myself down among some +trusses of straw, that were heaped on one side. + +The pain of my thawing hands would not immediately suffer me to go to +sleep, and, just as it was beginning to decrease and I to slumber, +the door opened and a woman came in. My fears were again alarmed, for +as I listened I heard her weep bitterly. In no long time afterward +a man leaned forward, through the door, and said--'Mary! Art thou +there?'--To which she replied with a sob--'Yea, Tummas; I be here.' + +My half frozen blood and my fears again afloat made me tremble through +every limb; and there was something in the grief of the woman, and +particularly in the voice of the man, which had no tendency to calm my +agitation. I could see distinctly, for the moon shone full in at the +door. He entered the barn, they sat down together, and after some +trifling questions I heard the following dialogue. + +'And so, Mary, thou say'st thou beest with child?' + +'Yea, Tummas, that I too surely be; the more is my hard hap.' + +'And what dost thou mean to do?' + +'Nay, Tummas, what doon you mean to do?' + +'No matter for that--Thou threatest me, last night, that thou wouldst +swear thy bastard to me.' + +'For shame, for shame, Tummas, to talk o'that'n! If it mun be a +bastard, thou well knowest it is a bastard of thy own begetting.' + +'I know better.' + +'Oh Christ! Tummas: canst thou look in my face and tell me that?' + +'Yea, I can.' + +'Thou art a base false man, Tummas!' + +'Don't call names.' + +'Thou knowest thou art. What canst thou hope for, after swearing so +wickedly as thou didst to be true to me and marry me, but that the +devil should come for thee alive?' + +'No matter for that. If I must go to the devil, it shall not be for +nothing. But mayhap thou hadst a better a kept a good tongue in thy +head.' + +'Thou hadst a better a kept an honest one in thine, Tummas.' + +'I'll make thee repent taunting me, as thou hast done, afore folks; +and _threaping_ and _threating_ to lay thy bastard at my door.' + +'Do thy worst! Thou hast brought me to shame and misery, and hast +sworn thyself to the bottomless pit: what canst thou do more?' + +'Thou shall see.' + +As he said this, he deliberately drew a knife from his pocket, and +began to whet it upon his shoe--I was breathless: my hair stood on +end--The woman exclaimed: + +'Jesus God! Tummas; What dost thou mean?' + +'Say thy prayers!' + +'Merciful Saviour! Why, thou wilt not murder me, Tummas?' + +'Thou shalt never go alive out of this place.' + +'Christ have mercy upon my sinful soul!' + +'I'll do thy business.' + +'For the gracious love of the merciful heaven, Tummas, bethink +thyself!' + +'I'll teach thee to swear thy ugly bastard brat to me!' + +'I wunnot, Tummas; I wunnot! For Christ Jesus sake bethink thyself! +Dunnot murder me, Tummas! Oh, dunnot murder me! I'll never trouble +thee, Tummas, while I have breath; I'll never trouble thee! Indeed, +indeed, I wunnot!' + +'I know thee better: tomorrow thou would'st tell all; this and all.' + +'Never, Tummas: as God shall pardon my sins, never, never, never!' + +The poor creature screamed with agony, while the determined fellow +kept whetting his knife. At last she made a sudden spring and +endeavoured to seize his arm; but, missing her aim, he immediately +struck her with his fist and began to stab her. + +Unable to contain myself, I shrieked with no less horror and +vociferation than the poor mangled creature. The mare herself took +fright, and sprang, with the snorting of terror and clattering of +hoofs, with her shoulder against the door, endeavouring to get out. + +This unexpected noise, aiding his guilt, inspired the murdering wretch +with instantaneous dread, and he immediately took to flight; leaving +the woman weltering in her blood, groaning, and, as I supposed, +expiring. + +Impelled by my fears and the horror of the scene, I had no longer any +feeling of cold, or sense of debility. I ran to the door, shut it, and +finding a fork that stood beside it made as good a cross bar-fastening +as I was able. I then resolutely set my own shoulder to it, and there +remained, I know not how long, in momentary dread the murderer would +return. The woman's groans seemed to diminish, as if she were dying; +and I durst neither stir nor speak; for I feared to do any thing but +listen. + +The energy of my terror was so great that it was very very long before +I was weary enough of my situation to be obliged to move. Fatigue, and +a dead silence without, at length however induced me first to change +my position, and after a time, gradually and with great caution, to +open the door and look out. Neither hearing nor seeing any thing, I +waited awhile, and then ventured so far as to walk round the barn; +though in the utmost trepidation, and possessed by the most horrid +fears, which were increased by a great increase of darkness; the moon +being then either descending or hidden behind the clouds. + +Having made no discoveries, except that every thing was quiet, I +once more entered the barn, where all was still as death. The woman +had ceased to groan; nor could I, though I listened with the most +solicitous attention, hear her breathe. Horror returned in all its +force, and I stood immoveable, unknowing what to resolve on or what to +attempt. At length I took courage and exclaimed, 'In the name of God, +if you are alive, speak!' + +The very sound of my own voice inspired unutterable terror; which +was augmented by a heavy and long confined groan, proceeding from +the woman. She had retained her breath, fearing the return of the +assassin. The answer that followed her groan was, 'If you are a +Christian soul, get me some help.' I told her I was lost, benighted, +and did not know where to go for any. She replied there was a town, +not half a mile distant, at the back of the barn; and named the very +place at which my aunt and uncle Elford lived. + +As soon as surprise and joy would permit, I asked if she knew Mr. +Elford. Her answer was, 'I am his servant; and this is his barn.' + +Various recollections immediately crouded upon me, and the scene and +the voice of poor Mary, to which a moment before I had been so utter +a stranger, became familiar to me. 'It is I, Mary; little Hugh,' said +I. 'Don't you know me?' A dismal 'Oh!' excited no doubt by the most +painful associations, was her answer. I desired her to be quiet and +patient, while I ran for aid; assuring her I would soon be back, for +that I now knew where I was, and was perfectly acquainted with the +road. + +Accordingly away I ran, with all the speed I had, to my uncle's house; +where, when I arrived, I knocked at the door, pelted the window, and +called as vociferously as I could for them to rise. The house-dog +barked violently, and my uncle was soon at the window, with my aunt +at his back, demanding with surprise and dissatisfaction who I was, +and what I wanted? I exclaimed, 'Come down, uncle! A man has been +murdering your maid Mary! She will be dead if you do not make haste!' +'Good God!' cried my aunt, pressing forward; 'Child! Hugh Trevor! +Nephew! Is it you?' 'Yes, yes, aunt,' answered I: 'make haste and try +to save the poor creature's life!' + +The astonishment excited by such a messenger, bringing such a message, +and at such an hour, may well be imagined. Master, mistress, and +servants, were immediately in motion, and the doors opened. Question +succeeded question; exclamations were incessant; and my answers +quickly communicated much of the terror I myself had felt. + +Regulating his proceedings according to my account, Mr. Elford +dispatched a servant to the surgeon; and, having prepared a hurdle by +way of litter, went with me and two of his men to the barn. + +My aunt was very loath I should return; but my spirits, by the various +incidents of the night, were much too active to suffer me to feel +either hunger, weariness, or want of sleep; and Mr. Elford recollected +I might be useful, in preventing the terrors of poor Mary at our +approach; for which reason he suffered me to run before, and inform +her that help was coming. + +When I came to the barn, the moment I set my foot over the threshold, +my terrors of murder and of her having expired all returned. After a +short pause, I called with a trembling voice, 'Mary! Are you alive?' +and my heart bounded with joy to hear her, though dolefully, answer, +'yea.' + +Mr. Elford and his attendants soon came up; and the remainder of +the story of poor Mary was, that, being removed and put to bed, her +wounds though deep and dangerous were found not to be mortal; that +she recovered in a few weeks, and by the influence of Mr. Elford was +retained in my aunt's service; to the great scandal of the place, +where it was affirmed that such hussies and their bastards ought to be +whipped from parish to parish, and so, as I suppose, whipped out of +the world; that in two months time she was delivered of a fine boy, +whom, when my uncle left the country, she maintained by her own hard +earnings; and that in the extremity of her distress, when she thought +herself at the point of death, she obstinately refused to declare who +was her intended murderer; and though, by his having been known to be +her _sweetheart_, and his flight from the country where he never more +appeared, people were sufficiently convinced who the man was, yet her +pertinacious theme was--_she would never be his accuser: if God could +pardon him, she could_. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +_Mistakes and family quarrels of Mr. and Mrs. Elford: His departure, +and exile: with the letters he wrote_ + + +And now the period approached when the pleasures of the days of +childhood were to terminate, and when I was to experience an abundance +of those rude disasters under which the poor, the friendless, and the +fatherless, groan. + +The first stroke which the malice of fortune aimed at me was the +voluntary banishment of my uncle. Though I have forborne to interrupt +my narrative by a recapitulation of the unhappy bickerings that took +place between Mr. Elford and my aunt, soon after their marriage, yet +these bickerings were very frequent, very bitter, and at last very +fatal. Instead of the happiness which they and every body had thought +so certain, they were completely wretched. + +My youth had not prevented me lately from remarking, when at their +house, the steady and severe silence which Mr. Elford endeavoured +to preserve, and the fixed dissatisfaction and gloom of my aunt. +Notwithstanding the efforts they made, especially Mr. Elford, not +to suffer their unhappiness to extend beyond themselves, it became +frequently painful, even for me, to be in their company. He indeed was +often in part successful, in these efforts; but she seldom, or never. + +Their mutual discontent was the more easily increased to misery, +because it happened between people who each had the character of +prudent; and whose partiality individually acquitted them of that +disorder, which the want of good temper alone had produced. + +In making an estimate of the probable conveniences and inconveniences, +agreements and disagreements, that might happen between them, they had +reciprocally been deceived. + +Mr. Elford had endeavoured to provide against this, by a plain +declaration of his sentiments and expectations; which Mrs. Elford had +too inconsiderately concluded she should continue to think rational +and just. She imagined there was no fear of violent quarrels, between +a man of so much understanding as Mr. Elford and a woman so disposed +to listen to reason as herself. She was ignorant of the power of +habit over her temper. The rector had taught her pride, marriage had +taught her misfortune, and pride and misfortune had made her fretful, +melancholy and moody. She had suffered no opposition from her first +husband; her will had been his law; and she knew not, till she had +made the trial, how difficult it is to concede with a good grace. The +least thing that offended her threw her into tears. The passions of +Mr. Elford and my aunt were mutually too much inflamed for either of +them to draw equitable and wise conclusions, and tears he held to be a +false, insulting, and odious mode of proclaiming him a tyrant: it was +to say, I dare not utter my complaints in words, but my tears I cannot +restrain! Too angry to doubt of or examine his reasons, convinced of +his own humanity, and his desire to see and make her happy, such an +accusation he considered so violently unjust as to be unpardonable. + +It must be owned, she did not confine her grief to weeping; she +was often seized with fits of hysteric passion, in which the most +outrageous and false accusations were indulged. To reply to them, +or attempt to disprove what he knew to be so absurd, he thought +derogatory to innocence; and the world half suspected him to be the +tyrant he had been painted. This increased his sense of injury, and +consequently did not diminish the affliction of my aunt. + +Of the happiness, indeed, which was to result from this marriage, +she had conceived romantic ideas; and when she found herself again +involved in the cares of a family, liable to the control of a man who +expected the utmost propriety and order, who looked with a strict eye +over every department, and whose opinion did not always coincide with +her own, she became constantly peevish, and her former gloom grew +ten fold more gloomy. She pined after that connubial affection which +their reciprocal conduct was calculated to destroy; and from the hasty +decisions of passion convinced herself, that no part of the blame +was justly her own. Mr. Elford was no less obstinate in the contrary +opinion. Taking philosophy such as he found it, he like his neighbours +too hastily concluded there were duties and affairs for which men were +fitted, but of which women were incapable. Blending much truth with +some falsehood, he thus argued: + +'The leading features in the character of an amiable and good woman +are mildness, complacency, and equanimity of temper. The man, if he be +a provident and worthy husband, is immersed in a thousand cares: his +mind is agitated, his memory loaded, and his body fatigued. He returns +from the bustle of the world chagrined perhaps at disappointments, +angry at indolent or perfidious people, and terrified lest his +unavoidable connections with such people should make him appear to be +indolent or perfidious himself. Is this a time for the wife of his +bosom, his dearest most intimate friend, to add to his vexations and +increase the fever of an overburthened mind, by a contumelious tongue +or a discontented brow? Business, in its most prosperous state, is +full of anxiety, labour, and turmoil. Oh! how dear to the memory of +man is that wife who clothes her face in smiles; who uses gentle +expressions, and who makes her lap soft to receive and hush his cares +to rest. There is not in all nature so fascinating an object as a +faithful, tender, and affectionate wife!' + +Had he wished for a wife who, instead of indulging the caprice of +indolence would have awakened him to energy, and have taught him to +be just not captious, his desires would have been more rational: +but, to a man who had formed a system of obedience to authority, and +not to reason, the arguments he used were irrefragable. To a woman +who imagined that obedience, in all cases, was the badge of abject +slavery, they were absurd. Thus opposite in principle and in practice, +their unhappy state of existence finally became so intolerable, to one +of them at least, as to occasion the violent measure and the painful +sensations described by Mr. Elford in the following letter. + +'TO MRS. ELFORD, + +'The bitterness of unjust reproach, the invectives of an ungoverned +tongue, the rancorous accusations of a stubborn heart, these, wretched +as they long have made me, to me are now no more. Forgetful man! No +more? You I can forsake; but where shall I fly to rid myself of them? +You have riveted them upon me, and while I have life they can never +die. With you I have travelled through the vale of tears: you, like +misery personified, have held the cup of sorrow; have fed me with +affliction, strewed thorns beneath my feet by day, and wound adders +round my pillow by night. Absence itself cannot afford a cure. Yes, +reconcile it to your conscience how you may, you have given my peace a +mortal wound. + +'You cannot forget, when I first thought of you for a wife, the +plainness and sincerity with which I acted. I carefully stated that +my family was reputable but not rich, and that I was a younger +brother; that my wealth was not great; but that it was sufficient, +with industry and the character I had established, to gratify the +desires of people whose hearts were not vitiated, and whose wants +were bounded. I conscientiously repeated my ideas concerning the +regulations and economy of a well governed family; and of the parts +which it became the husband and the wife to take. That was the time +in which you ought to have made your objections: but then every thing +was just, every thing was rational; and from your ready acquiescence +to my proposals and the admiration with which you seemed to receive +them, I had no doubt of enjoying that serene that delightful state of +connubial happiness, so often desired and so seldom obtained. + +'On such conditions and with such views, I confidently entered with +you into a partnership which unhappily cannot be dissolved. The +irrevocable contract was scarcely ratified before it was violated. +With a temper habitually gloomy and suspicious, and a mind incapable +of bending to those inevitable little anxieties and vexations which +occur in the most quiet families, you soon discovered your propensity +to repel every thing that your jealous and fanciful temper deemed an +infringement of your privileges. + +'Let your own heart testify how long and how ardently I endeavoured, +by mildness and the most simple and convincing reasons, to bring you +back to your duty. But in vain: causes of disagreement became so +frequent, and injury succeeded injury so fast, that I was obliged to +proceed to those gentle severities which are all that a husband, who +preserves a proper respect for himself, can inflict. And gentle they +certainly were, when compared to the contumely by which they were +provoked. I forbore those tender and endearing epithets, by which +former affection should be continually revived. I then avoided and +indeed refused to converse with you, except in the company of a third +person or as far as necessity obliged me. Sorry am I to say that, +instead of warning you to shun the rocks of mischief, my efforts did +but aggravate your folly. + +'It is true you had your hours of contrition, in which, with tears +and prayers and unbounded acknowledgments of the absurdity of your +conduct, together with solemn assurances of reformation, you have for +a moment recalled my lost love, and made me hope you would acquire +some power over the discordant passions that devoured you. But these +promises were so often repeated, and so continually forgotten, that at +length they afforded neither hope nor ease: they had only been gleams +of sunshine, foreboding that the tempest would soon return with +increasing violence. Yes, partial as I know you, and blind to your own +errors, you cannot deny that at last you approached the fury, rather +than the woman. + +'To a man like me, of a delicate temper, quick at discovering errors +and eager to redress them, even in cases where they do not personally +affect myself but indefatigable where they do, this eternal discord, +these quarrels and despicable brawls are become insupportable. I have +endured the torture seven miserable years, and surely that is no +slight trial: surely that is sufficient to prove I have not wanted +patience or fortitude. To be a good husband and a provident father, +and to protect those that depend on me from injury and want, are +qualities which I believe the whole world will allow me, you alone +excepted. _You_ upbraid me with faults; _you_ accuse me of crimes; +_you_ proclaim me a tyrant. When I am gone, when your passions have +subsided, and when you feel the want of me, you will be more just. You +will then lament that nothing, short of this desperate proof, could +convince you of the criminality of your conduct. + +'Where I shall seek, where find, or where endure existence, or to what +hospitable or inhospitable shore I shall wander, I know not yet: I +only know that in England it cannot, shall not be. We have lived long +enough in misery; which, everlastingly to avoid, seas or death shall +everlastingly divide us. + +W. ELFORD.' + +This letter, although it contained many marks of that impatience which +had increased his family misfortunes, could only have been written by +a man of virtue, whose very austerity had in it a preponderance of +benevolent intention. Such was my uncle; whose memory, though but a +child, I often had occasion to regret. + +By various plausible pretexts, with the hope of forwarding a fortune +that was to descend to me, Mr. Elford had been prevailed on to lend +my father several sums of money, to the amount of seven hundred +pounds. My uncle too had found other occasions for the exercise of +his humanity. His property had been hastily sold, and therefore +disadvantageously, so that the sum with which he went to seek his +fortune on foreign shores was but small. He was enough acquainted with +my father's affairs to know that of the money lent to him there was +little hope. + +To me he wrote a letter which will sufficiently shew how kind he would +have been, had he possessed the power. It was inclosed in one to my +father, with directions to suffer me to read it now, and that it +should be preserved and given to me when age should have matured my +understanding. The following were its contents. + +'TO HUGH TREVOR. + +'My dear boy: young as you are, I have conceived a friendship and +affection for you, which perhaps inflict as severe a pang, at the +present moment, as any one of the distressing circumstances that +occasion my flight. Had I wealth to leave, I would endeavour to secure +you from the baneful effects of poverty; as it is, accept all that +I have to give, my best wishes, my dearest love, and a little good +advice. Though your understanding is greatly above your years, yet +you cannot have experience and knowledge enough of sorrow to conceive +what my feelings are: but if hereafter you should remember me, and +if at that most serious moment when you enter on the marriage state +you should wish for a friend like me to advise with, let this letter +supply my place. The miseries I have endured, by my mistakes on the +subject, are so strongly imprinted on my mind, that I can think +of nothing else; and, inapplicable as it may seem to your present +course of thought, I cannot persuade myself but that it is the most +interesting of all topics, upon which I could write to you. + +'Of the wisdom of entering into the marriage state, and of the virtue +of the institution, I have lately begun to entertain the most serious +doubts. Whether they are well founded, or are the consequences of my +own mistakes of conduct, I dare not at this moment determine: but, +while the present forms of society exist, should you arrive at manhood +the probability is that you will marry. If then you should ever think +of marriage, think of it as a duty; and not merely as the means of +self gratification, or the indulgence of some childish and irrational +passion, which irrational people dignify with the name of love. Let +the affection you conceive for woman be founded on the qualities of +her mind. + +'But above all things first examine yourself, whether you can endure +opposition without anger; and next put the woman you intend to +marry to the same test; for, unless you are mutually unshaken in +your resolutions on this head, if you marry you are miserable. The +task of man and wife is reciprocally arduous. She should be mild, +good-humoured, cheerful and tender; he cool, rational, and vigilant; +without acrimony, devoid of captiousness, and free from passion. It is +mutually their duty to inspect and to expostulate, but to beware how +they reprove. Where gentleness and equanimity of temper are wanting, +happiness never can be obtained. Believe me, my dear boy, I have never +stood so low in my own opinion as when I have caught myself betrayed +into petulance, and descending to passion. The combats I have +maintained to overcome this weakness are inconceivable. + +'Whether it be constitutional in me or habitual I cannot +determine'--[Had Mr. Elford been more a philosopher, he would have +known that frequent anger is merely a habit.]--'but I suspect that +to this I chiefly owe my present misfortunes, as I am half persuaded +there is no woman that may not be moulded into what form her husband +pleases, provided he possess a superior understanding and an entire +command of his temper. But Oh! how severe the task to preserve a +perfect equality in despite of the ill humour, caprice, or injustice +of a woman for whom you undergo a thousand difficulties, encounter +continual labours, and undauntedly expose yourself to every fatigue +and danger!--I blush to think I have sunk beneath the trial.--But we +have both gone too far to recede: we have mutually said and done what +never can be forgotten. + +'As good temper is the basis of connubial felicity, means must be +taken by which it may be cultivated and preserved. From the first hour +of marriage, beware of too much familiarity, and of encouraging or of +taking liberties. Be as circumspect in your behaviour as if a stranger +were present, and dread deviating from that respect which is due from +man to woman, and from woman to man, in a single state. This does not +imply coldness, or formality, but the cheerful intercourse of good +sense. Behave as you would to a person from whom you are happy to +receive a visit, and with whose company you are delighted. Should you +indulge those ebullitions of passionate fondness which lose sight of +these limits, it is impossible to foretell to what they may lead. A +caress neglected, or supposed to be neglected, a kiss not returned +with the like warmth, or a fond pressure not answered with equal +ardour, may poison a mind which applauds itself for the delicacy of +its sensations. + +'Do not expect to find your wife all perfection. I know the romance +of lovers: they read descriptions in which the imagination has been +exhausted, to depict enamoured youth superior to every terrestrial +being; and they are convinced that, above all others, the object +of their own particular choice has never yet been equalled. Such +fanciful and silly people, when time and experience have something +allayed their ardour, will often find their dainty taste offended at +discovering a mole on the bosom, or a yellow shade in the neck, or any +other trifling bodily blemish, which was as visible before marriage as +after, had they looked with the same scrutinizing eyes. Be resolute in +repelling every emotion of anger or disgust. Never permit a choleric +or bitter expression to escape you; for wedded love is but too often +of a tender and perishable nature, and such rude potions are its +poison. + +'I look back at what I have been writing, and am astonished at the +subject I have chosen. But the torrent of my thoughts is irresistible: +they hurry me away, and persuade me that though young, it is yet +possible you may hereafter remember me, and at a time when perhaps +you shall have arrived at the exercise of many of those noble virtues +which are now only in the bud. I have a great affection for you, my +dear nephew, and should be glad that, if you then cannot think kindly, +you should at least think justly; and that you should possess some +faint picture of the present state of my feelings. Could you but know +all the emotions of my heart, you would bear witness to its honesty; +and would own that its efforts have been strenuous, unremitted, and +sincere, though unfortunate. + +'Years pass quickly away: yet a little while and you will be an actor +in this busy world, of which at present your knowledge is small. I am +doomed never to see you more; but, while I have life and memory, I +shall never forget you. + +W. ELFORD.' + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +_My father becomes a bankrupt: Flies the country: Lists for an East +India soldier, and dies on ship-board: Distress of my mother; and the +beginning of my misfortunes: I am bound apprentice: Characteristic +traits of my master: The dreadful sufferings I undergo; and my narrow +escapes with life_ + + +Young as I was, I perfectly remember that the strange departure of my +uncle Elford produced a very sensible effect upon me. It may well be +imagined that, when my understanding was more mature, the perusal of +this affectionate letter, and the recollection of his kindness to me +in my days of childhood, excited no little emotion. + +As for my aunt, prepared as she had been for some violent catastrophe +to their quarrelling, she was either so struck by the letter and +the remembrance of past follies, or so fearful of the comments and +scrutiny of the neighbourhood, that within a month after he was +missing she quitted the country, and went to reside at the city of +****, where in less than a year she died. Her departure was private, +and the place of her retreat was not known till her last illness; +when intelligence was sent to the rector, to whom she bequeathed such +property as she possessed. + +The absence of my uncle contributed to hasten the approach of that +cloudy reverse at which I have already hinted. For some time the +ruin of my father's affairs had been prevented by the sums which his +eloquence had wrung from the well-meaning Mr. Elford. Hugh was no +contemptible orator on these occasions. Hope seldom forsook him, and +he built so securely on what he hoped might come to pass as sometimes +to assert the thing had already happened. Such convenient mistakes are +daily made. If indeed the good graces of fortune would but have kept +pace with his expectations, England would not have afforded a more +flourishing or gallant yeoman. But, like monopolizers in general, +he was apt to speculate a little too deeply. Eager to enjoy, he was +impatient to obtain the means of enjoyment. So that, at one time, +the turning up of the jack at all fours was to make his fortune; but +how provoking! it happened to be the ten: at another it depended +on a duck-wing cock, which (who could have foreseen so strange an +accident?) disgraced the best feeder in the kingdom, by running away: +and it more than once did not want half a neck's length of being +realized by a favourite horse; yet was lost, contrary to the most +accurate calculations which, as the learned in these matters affirm, +had been made from Wheatherby's Racing Calendar. + +Thus to repeated disappointments in his bets and his bargains, and to +his neglect of his farming affairs, it was owing that, in anno domini +---- when I was nine years and a half old, after having expended +the property with which he had been supplied, and incurred debts to +the amount of little less than a thousand pounds, my father found +it prudent to depart by night in the basket of the stage coach for +London. And prudent it certainly was, for his effects had not only +been seized in execution of a bond and judgment, but the bailiffs from +all quarters were at his heels. + +My mother at this time was pregnant; the sister I have mentioned was +dead; but I had a fine healthy brother about three years old, and it +was agreed that we should follow to the great city, as soon as he had +found employment; which, according to his notions, was the most easy +thing imaginable. + +It so happened, however, that he had not been there a full month +before the trifling sum he and my mother had collected for his +immediate existence was lost, by the turn of a die; contrary to his +certain conviction that he had discovered, at a hazard table, the +ready way to repair all past mistakes. + +To send for wife and children was now out of the question. Destitute +of support, without the means of obtaining another shilling, after +fasting a day and a half, his courage, that is his appetite, could +hold out no longer, and he enlisted for an East-India soldier; having +first convinced himself, by the soundest arguments, that he should +immediately be made a serjeant; which perhaps was no improbable +calculation; that he should then soon get a commission, and that he +should undoubtedly return a commanding officer, or general in chief, +to the surprise of his friends and the utter confusion of the rector, +and all those whom he accounted his persecutors. + +That these great events might not actually have happened who shall +pretend to say? Miracles of old were plentiful; and even in these +unbelieving days strange things have come to pass. But all his +unbounded hopes, many of which he had stated in his last letter to +my mother, were unexpectedly subverted, by an accident to which it +appears men in general are subject. He caught a fever, while the ship +in which he was to be a passenger lay waiting in the Downs for a wind; +and, in spite of the surgeon and his whole chest of medicines, died: +of all which events there was a circumstantial account, transmitted by +one of his comrades to my mother. + +The ruin of prospects so fair, the desolation of a house and homeless +woman, with two orphan children, and pregnant of a third, and the +loss of a husband, who at the worst of times had always kept hope +alive, were sufficient causes of affliction to my mother. Tears were +plentifully shed, and daily and nightly wailings were indulged. + +Every resource was soon exhausted, and immediate relief became +necessary. To whom could she apply? To whom, but the rector? She wrote +to him in terms the most moving, the most humiliating, and indeed +the most abject, that her imagination could suggest. But in vain: no +prayers, no tears, no terrors, of this world or of the next, could +move him. The father, and the divine, were equally inexorable. He +pleaded his oath, but he remembered his revenge. After the first +letter he would receive no more, and when she wrote again and again, +with the direction in a different hand, and using other little +stratagems, he returned no answer. + +From this extreme distress, and from the intolerable disgrace, as my +mother supposed it to be, of coming on the parish, we were relieved, +to the best of her ability, by a poor widow woman with four children; +who had formerly lived a servant in the Trevor family, and who, +after her husband's death, maintained herself and her orphans with +incredible industry, and with no other aid but the produce of a cow, +that she fed chiefly on the common where her cottage stood. The active +good sense with which she did every thing that was entrusted to her, +was the cause that she never wanted employment; and she exerted her +utmost attention to make her children, as they grew up, as useful as +herself. + +By this woman's advice and aid, my mother applied herself to spinning; +and it was agreed that I should either drive the plough or be put +apprentice, as soon as I could find a master. + +For my own part, all my sources of pleasure and improvement were at +once retrenched. That I had not horses to ride, a father to play with +and caress me, and a kind uncle to instruct and delight me, were among +the least of my misfortunes. Reading, that great field of enjoyment, +which was daily opening more amply upon me, was totally cut off. My +curiosity had been awakened, my memory praised, and my acuteness +admired: in an instant, as it were, all these joys were vanished. + +Previous to my uncle's departure, I had found another mode of +obtaining knowledge, and applause. He was musical, and a few persons +of the like turn, scattered through the neighbouring hamlets, used +occasionally to meet at his house; where they exercised themselves +in singing, from the works of Croft, Green, Boyce, Purcell, Handel, +and such authors as they possessed. One of them played the bassoon, +another the flute, and a third the violin, I had a quick ear, was +attracted by their harmony, and began to join in their concerts. A +treble voice was a great acquisition; I was apt and they encouraged +me, by frequent praise and admiration. My uncle gave me Arnold's +Psalmody, in which I eagerly studied the rudiments of the science: but +this book, with the rest, was swept away in the general wreck; and I, +after having had a glimpse of the enchanted land of knowledge, was +cast back, apparently to perish in the gloomy deserts of ignorance. I +had no source of information, except my mother; and her stores, at the +best, were scanty: at present, labour left her but little leisure, and +the little she had was spent in complaint. + +The poor widow, indeed, willingly did me every kindness in her power; +but that alas was small. With this honest-hearted creature I remained +eight months, going out to a day's work whenever I could get one, to +weed, drive the plough, set potatoes, or any thing else that they +would put me to: till at last a farmer, finding me expert, agreed to +take me as an apprentice; on condition that I should serve him till I +was one and twenty. The offer was joyfully accepted by my mother, and +I had spirit and understanding enough to be happy that I could thus +provide for myself. + +I had soon reason to repent; my master was the most passionate madman +I ever beheld; and, when in a passion, the most mischievous. His +cattle, his horses, his servants, his wife, his children, were each of +them in turn the objects of his fury. + +The accidents that happened from his ungovernable choler were +continual, and his cruelty, when in these fits, was incredible; though +at other times, strange to tell, he was remarkably compassionate. He +one day beat out the eye of a calf, because it would not instantly +take the milk he offered. Another time he pursued a goose, that ran +away from him when he flung it oats; and was so enraged, by the +efforts it made to escape, that he first tore off its wing and then +twisted its neck round. On a third occasion he bit off a pig's ear, +because it struggled and cried while he was ringing it. One of his +children was lamed, and, though nobody knew how it happened, every +body gave him credit for the accident. Yet he had his paroxysms of +fondness for his children, and for the lame boy in particular. Indeed +it was generally remarked that he was the most cruel to those for whom +he had the greatest affection. The perception of his own absurdity +did but increase his rage, till it was exhausted; after which he has +sometimes been seen to burst into tears, at the recollection of his +own madness and inhumanity. + +One habit arising from his excessive vivacity was that, when he wanted +any thing done, he expected the person nearest to him should not +only instantly obey, but conceive what he meant from the pointing of +his finger, the turn of his head, or the motion of his eye, without +speaking a word; while the dread of his anger stupified and rendered +the person against whom it was directed motionless. + +I continued for an unexampled length of time to be his favourite. The +family remarked, at first with surprise, and afterward either with a +sense of injustice or of enmity, the restraint he put upon himself, +and the great partiality with which he treated me. My superior +quickness excited his admiration; he held me up as an example, and +laid the flattering unction to his soul that he was no tyrant; on the +contrary, when people had but common sense, nobody was more kind. + +But old habits, though they may suffer a temporary disguise, are +devils incarnate. The tide of passion at length broke loose, and with +redoubled violence for having suffered constraint. To add to the +misfortune, my thirst after knowledge was the cause, or at least the +pretext, of this change. It happened that an old book of arithmetic +fell in my way, and, as this was at that time the sole treasure of +instruction within my reach, I made it my constant companion, carried +it in my bosom, and pored over it whenever I could steal a moment to +myself. In the heinous act of reading this book I was twice detected, +by my moody master. The first time he cautioned me, with fire in his +eyes, never to let him catch me idling my time in that manner again; +and the second he snatched hold of my ear and gave me so sudden and +violent a pull that he brought me to the ground. He did worse, he took +away my book, and locked it up. + +Hostilities having thus commenced, they soon grew hot, and were +pursued with bitterness, tyranny, and malignity. Proceeding from bad +to worse, after a while every thing I did was wrong. In proportion as +his frenzy became hateful or rather terrible to his own imagination, +his cruelty increased. He seemed, in my instance, to have the dread +upon him of committing some injury so violent as perhaps to bring him +to the gallows; and several times in his chafing fits declared his +fear. + +This idea haunted him so much that he adopted a new mode of conduct +with me, and, instead of kicking me, knocking me down, or hurling the +first thing that came to hand at me, gave himself time enough to take +the horsewhip. Yet he could not always be thus cautious; and even when +he was, such infernal discipline, though less dangerous, was more +intolerable. + +The scenes I went through with this man, the sufferings I endured, and +the stupifying terrors that seized me if I saw but his shadow, I can +never forget. Every thing I did was a motive for chastisement; one +day it was for having turned the horses out to graze, and the very +next for suffering them to stand in the stable. The cattle of his +neighbour, for whom he had a mortal enmity, broke into his field +during the night; and for this I was most unmercifully flogged the +next morning. The pretence was my not having told him that the fence +was defective. Rainy weather made him fret, and then I was sure of a +beating. If it were fine, he was all hurry, anxiety, and impatience; +and to escape the wicked itching of his fingers was impossible. + +One effect that he produced might be thought remarkable, had we not +the history of Sparta in its favour; and did we not occasionally +observe the like in other boys, under tyrannical treatment. The +efforts I was obliged to make, to endure the terrible punishment +he inflicted and live, at last rendered me, to a certain degree, +insensible of pain. They were powerfully aided indeed by the indignant +detestation which I felt, and by the something like defiance with +which it enabled me to treat him. + +This on one occasion exasperated him so much that, seeing me support +the lash without a tear and as if disdaining complaint, he franticly +snatched up a pitch-fork, drove it at me, and, I luckily avoiding it, +struck the prongs into the barn-door; with the exclamation, 'Damn your +soul! I'll make you feel me!' The moment after he was seized with a +sense of his own lunacy, turned as pale as death, and stood aghast +with horror! My supposed crime was that I had eaten some milk, the +last of which I myself had seen the dog lap. Perceiving the terror of +his mind, I took courage and told him, 'Jowler eat the milk: I saw +him, just as he had done. I would not tell you, because I knew if I +had you would have hanged the poor dog.' This short sentence had such +an effect upon him that he dropped on his knees, the tears rolling +from his eyes, and cried out in an undescribable agony, 'Lord have +mercy upon my sinful soul! I shall surely come to be hanged!' + +The terror of this lesson remained longer than those who knew him +would have expected; but it insensibly wore away. + +The efforts I made in the interval to conciliate and avoid wakening +the fiend were strenuous, but ineffectual. I shrunk from no labour, +and the business with which he intrusted me shewed the confidence he +placed in my activity and intelligence. At eleven years old I drove +the loaded team, to market or elsewhere, without a superintendant. I +was sent in every direction across the country, to bring home sheep, +deliver calves to the butcher, fetch cattle, cart coals, or any thing +else within my strength. + +Various were the distresses in which these duties, and the distempered +choler of my master, involved me. On one occasion a wicked boy set +his dog at my sheep, and drove them into a turnip field; out of which +I could not get them but with great difficulty and loss of time, of +which my master demanded a severe account. A calf once broke from me +and foolishly tumbled into a water-pit, from which I delivered it at +the hazard of my life. Another time, when the roads were heavy, my +waggon was set fast in a clay rut, where I was detained above an hour; +two drivers refusing to give me a pull because they had both lived +with my malicious master; and a third being only prevailed on, for +this master of mine was generally hated, by my prayers and tears and +the picture I drew of my own distress. + +At length the violence of his temper recovered its full elasticity; +which was a second time chiefly excited by my earnest longing after +knowledge. Notwithstanding that my book was taken from me, my mind +was often occupied with the arithmetic I had learned in better days, +which had been strongly revived by its contents. At the employment +this afforded me I was twice caught by my master; once multiplying +and dividing with a nail against the paling, and the second time +extracting the square root with chalk on the wall. + +These misdemeanours were aggravated by another incident. I one morning +happened to find, by good luck as I thought, a half-crown piece +that was lying on the high road. The moment I was possessed of this +treasure, I began to consider how it ought to be expended. I was in +great want of shoes, stockings, and other things; but with those my +master was bound to provide me; and, if I attempted to supply myself, +the probability was that he would beat me, for not having given him +the money. + +After pondering again and again on the necessaries I might obtain, +the luxuries in which I might indulge, and, what was infinitely more +tempting, the stores of learning with which such a sum would furnish +me, the recollection of my mother, brother, and sister, for so +the young one proved to be, and their distress, with that of the +benevolent poor creature who afforded them a shelter, seized me so +strongly that I thought it would be wicked not to send my half-crown +where it was so much wanted. But how to convey it thither? That was +the difficulty. I had no means, no messenger, no soul in whom I durst +confide. I therefore resolved for the present to conceal it by pinning +it in the lining of my waistcoat; and this was one of those unforeseen +events that are generally called lucky chances. + +My master's devil was again let loose, and a most uncontrolable devil +he was. I had overslept myself, a very uncommon accident with me, +and had put him into one of his hateful humours. At breakfast, while +eating his bread and cheese, I was set to watch the milk that stood on +the fire to boil. By some accident I forgot my office; he saw it rise +in the pipkin, looked toward me, could not catch my eye, and, seized +with one of his unaccountably hellish fits, sprang forward just as the +milk began to boil over, and struck at me with a clasped knife that he +held in his hand! + +Fortunately for me, the point found resistance, by the saving +intervention of my half-crown! The clasp gave way with the violence of +the blow, and shutting made a deep gash in his own hand. + +Again he turned pale, and, as the blood smeared the floor, knew not I +believe whether it was mine or his own. My dame trembling called out, +'Are you hurt, Hugh?' for she too saw the blood, and knew not whose it +was. I answered, 'No:' but with a tremulous voice, being in dread of +more blows. They soon descended upon me, after he had discovered his +mistake, and it was with difficulty that I escaped being thrown behind +the fire. + +This was not the end of the history of my half-crown. I kept it above +three months till I happened to be sent to the market town, with a +load of hay. Here, in passing through the street, my eye as usual was +attracted by the bookseller's window. I had not forgotten how rich +I was, and could not resist. I went in, examined some of the stores +the shop contained, and with great difficulty restrained myself to +the purchase of the Seven Champions of Christendom, which cost me a +shilling. The other eighteen pence I found an opportunity, it being +market day, of sending by a neighbour to my mother; with an injunction +that six-pence of it should be given to her poor hostess. + +With what eagerness I read the valiant deeds of these valiant knights, +as I rode home in my empty cart, I will leave the reader to divine: +but he will probably pity me when I inform him that I was so deeply +engaged in my book as not to perceive the arrival of the cart at +my master's yard gate, and that he himself stood at the barn door, +contemplating me in the profound negligence of my studies. + +Riding in the cart, neglecting the team, having a new book, and +reading in it, formed a catalogue of crimes too black to hope for +pardon. Not the horse but the cart whip was the instrument of +vengeance; and, after having tired himself and left weals of a +finger's breadth on my body, arms, legs, and thighs, he completed his +malice this time, not by locking up but by burning my book. I had +already lived a year and a half under the tortures of this demon, till +they became so intolerable that at last I determined to run away. I +was confirmed in this resolution by another dangerous incident, which +terrified me more even than any of the preceding, and convinced me +that if I stayed any longer with this villainous savage I could not +escape death. + +I was one day driving the plough for him when a young horse, not half +broken in, was the second in the team. I used my utmost endeavours but +could not manage him, and the lunatic my master, who was as strong as +he was ferocious, caught up a stone and aimed it at the colt (at least +so from his manner at the moment I supposed) but struck me with it, +and knocked me down immediately in the furrow, where the plough was +coming. I saw the plough-share that in an instant was to cut me in +two; but the madman, with an incredible effort, started it out of +the earth and flung it fairly over me! Unable however to recover his +balance, he trod upon my forehead with his hob-nailed shoe, and cut a +deep gash just over my eye, and another in my skull: whether with the +same foot or in what manner I do not know. My eye was presently closed +up, and my hair steeped in the blood that flowed plentifully from both +wounds. + +There I lay, stunned for a moment, while he was obliged to attend to +the frightened colt, which forced the other horses to run, and was +become wholly unmanageable. When I recovered I heard him holloa, and +saw him struggling with the horses at the farther end of the field; +but the impression of the danger I had just escaped was so strong that +my resolution of running away came upon me with irresistible force, +and, perceiving him so thoroughly engaged, I immediately put it in +execution. + +I imagine it was some time before he missed me, and he then probably +conjectured I was gone home. Be it as it will, I used my legs without +molestation; and, committing myself to chance and the wide world, made +the best of my way. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +_My flight: Desponding thoughts: Adventure with a stranger on the +road: I am promised relief, but learn a fearful secret that again +plunges me in doubt and anxiety: I reveal myself to a near relation: +The struggles of passion_ + + +The animation that fear gave me was so great that, though I felt my +shirt collar drenched in the blood that flowed from my wounds, I +continued to run for at least four miles; and though my pace at length +slackened into a walk I still hurried eagerly forward. The dread of +again falling into his power, after an attempt so audacious as this, +deprived me of any other sense of pain, afforded me strength, and made +me forget the completely desolate state to which I had reduced myself. +I had no money, no food, no friend in the world. I durst not return to +my mother; she was the first person of whom the tyrant would enquire +after me. To avoid him was the only plan I yet thought of, and thus +impelled I pursued my road. + +So long as I was acquainted with the country through which I +travelled, I went on without hesitation; but as soon as I found +myself entirely beyond my knowledge, I began to look about me. The +questions--Where am I? Whither am I going? What am I to do?--inspired +a succession of rising fears, which the joy of my deliverance could +scarcely counterbalance. I regretted the rash haste with which I +had parted with my half-crown. I had not a farthing on earth, I had +nothing to sell, nothing to eat, no soul to give me a morsel. It was +noon, when I fled from the ploughed field; I had been hard at work +from three o'clock in the morning, had since travelled at least +twelve or fourteen miles, wounded as I was, and began to feel myself +excessively weary, stiff, and craving after food. Where I had got the +notion, whether from father, mother, aunt, or uncle, I know not, but +I had been taught that to beg was an indelible disgrace; and to steal +every body had told me was the road to Tyburn. Starve or hang; that is +the law. If I even asked for work, who wanted my service? Who would +give me any? Who would not enquire where I came from, and to whom I +belonged? + +These and many more tormenting ideas were forced upon me by the +situation in which I found myself; till at last I was so overcome with +fears and fatigue that I sat down to debate whether it were not best, +or rather whether I should not be absolutely forced, to turn back. + +Still, however, when I came to reflect on the sufferings I had +endured, the dangers I had escaped, and the horrible punishment that +awaited me if I returned, any expedient seemed better than that +terrific project. The distance too, exhausted as I thought myself, was +an additional fear, and for a moment I doubted whether I should not +lie down and die. + +Young minds hold death in peculiar horror, and the very thought +inspired returning energy. Among my cogitations I had not forgotten +the rector: he was obdurate, hard hearted, and even cruel. But was +he so cruel as the fiend from whom I had escaped? From a latent and +undefined kind of feeling, I had made toward that side of the country +where his village lay; and was, as I supposed, within four or five +miles of it. The resolution of making an effort to gain his protection +came upon me, and I rose with some alacrity to put it in practice. He +kept horses, a coachman, and a stable-boy; he had a garden; he farmed +a little, for his amusement. In any of these capacities I could be +useful, and, if he would but give me bread, I would do whatever he +would put me to. He could not surely be so stony hearted as to refuse. +I was inexperienced, and knew not the force of rancour. + +I pursued my way ruminating on these hopes, fears, and disasters, +toward a village that I saw at a distance, where I intended to inquire +the road I meant to take. Descending a hill I came to a bridge, over a +rivulet of some depth, with a carriage way through the water. + +Just as I had passed it, I met a post-chariot that drove into the +stream. I was walking forward with my face toward the village, till +I suddenly heard a cry of distress, and looking behind me saw the +carriage overturned in the water. I ran with all speed back to the +brook: the body of the carriage was almost covered, the horses were +both down, and the postillion, entangled between them, called aloud +for help! or his master would be drowned. I plunged into the water +without fear, having, as I have elsewhere noticed, long ago learned to +swim. Perceiving the extreme danger of the person in the carriage, I +struck directly toward the door, which I opened and relieved him, or +confined as he was he must have been almost instantly suffocated. His +terror was exceedingly great, and as soon as he was fairly on his +feet, he exclaimed with prodigious eagerness, 'God for ever bless +you, my good boy; you have saved my life!'--The pallidness of his +countenance expressed very strongly the danger of perishing in which +he had felt himself. + +We then both waded out of the water, he sat down on the side of the +bridge, and I called to some men in a neighbouring field to come +and help the postillion. I then returned to the gentleman, who was +shivering as if in an ague fit. I asked if I should run and get him +help, for he seemed very ill? 'You are a compassionate brave little +fellow,' said he; and, looking more earnestly at me, exclaimed, 'I +hope you are not hurt; how came you so bloody?' I knew not what to +say, and returned no answer. 'You do not speak, child?' said he. 'Let +me go and get you some help, Sir,' replied I--'Nay, nay, but are you +hurt?'--'Not more than I was before this accident'--'Where do you come +from?'--I was silent--'Who are you?'--'A poor friendless boy'--'Have +you not a father?'--'No'--'A mother?'--'Yes: but she is forsaken by +her father, and cannot get bread for herself?'--'How came you in this +condition?'--'My master knocked me down and trod on me'--'Knocked you +down and trod on you?'--'Yes: he was very cruel to me'--'Cruel indeed! +Did he often treat you ill?'--'I do not know what other poor boys +suffer, but he was so passionate that I was never safe.'--'And you +have run away from him?'--'I was afraid he would murder me'--'Poor +creature! Your eye is black, your forehead cut, and your hair quite +clotted with blood'--'I have a bad gash in my head; but I can bear +it. You shake worse and worse; let me go and get you some help; the +village is not far off.'--'I feel I am not well'--'Shall I call one of +the men?'--'Do, my good fellow.' + +I ran, and the men came; they had set the carriage on its wheels, but +it was entirely wet, and not fit to ride in. The gentleman therefore +leaned on one of them, walked slowly back to the village, and desired +me to follow. I gladly obeyed the order. He had pitied me, I had saved +his life; if I could not make a friend I was in danger of starving, +and I began to hope that I had now found one. + +The best accommodations that the only inn in the village afforded were +quickly procured. At first the gentleman ordered a post-chaise, to +return home; but he soon felt himself so ill that he desired a bed +might be got ready, and in the mean time sent to the nearest medical +man, both for himself and to examine my wounds. What was still better, +he ordered the people of the house to give me whatever I chose to eat +and drink, and told them he had certainly been a dead man at that +moment, if it had not been for me. But he would not forget me; he +would take care of me as long as he lived. + +This was joyful news indeed; or rather something much more exquisite +than joyful. My heart melted when I heard him; I burst into tears, and +replied, 'I would willingly die to serve him.' He then went to bed, +and as evening came on the fever with which he was attacked increased. +The anxiety I felt was excessive, and I was so earnest in my +intreaties to sit and watch by him, that he was prevailed on to grant +my request. From what I can now recollect, I imagine the apothecary +gave him the common remedy, Dr. James's powders. When the medicine no +longer operated he fell into a sound sleep, about eleven o'clock, and +when he awoke the next morning found himself much refreshed and free +from fever. + +In the interim my wounds had been dressed, and to make the truth of +my story evident, I took care to shew the bruises, and black and blue +marks, with which my body was plentifully covered. Every favourable +circumstance, every precaution, every effort was now indeed become +necessary; for, late in the evening, I accidentally learned a secret +of the most important and hope-inspiring, yet alarming nature. My all +was at stake, my very existence seemed to depend on the person who it +is true had promised to be my protector, but who, perhaps, when he +should hear who I was, might again become my persecutor. The man to +whom I had attached myself, whose life I had saved, and who had avowed +a sense of the obligation, was no other than my grandfather! + +The moment I heard this terrific intelligence, it chilled and animated +me alternately; and, as soon as I could recollect myself, I determined +not to quit his apartment all night. No persuasions could prevail +on me; and when the chambermaid, who sat up with him, attempted to +use force, I was so violent in my resistance that she desisted, and +suffered me to remain in quiet. + +When he awoke in the morning I trembled at the sound of his voice. I +remembered the oath he had sworn, which my mother had often affirmed +he would never break. He was totally changed, in my idea, from the +gentleman whose life I had saved the day before. There had not indeed +been any thing particularly winning in his aspect; but then there was +a strong sense of danger, and of obligation to the instrument of his +escape, who interested him something the more by being unfortunate. +But an oath, solemnly taken by a man of so sacred a character? The +thought was dreadful! + +His curtains were drawn, and my trepidation increased. 'What, my good +boy,' said he, 'are you up and here already?' 'He has never been in +bed,' answered the chambermaid. 'We could not get him out of the +room.' I replied in a faint voice, such as my fears inspired, 'I hoped +he was better.' 'Yes, yes,' said he, 'I have had a good sleep, and +feel as if I wanted my breakfast; go, my girl, and let it be got +ready.' + +The chambermaid obeyed his orders, and he continued--'Why did not you +go to bed, child?'--'It did not become me to leave you'--'How so?' 'I +hope I know my duty better'--'Your duty!'--'Yes, Sir'--'You seem to be +an extraordinary boy; you act with great spirit, and talk with more +good sense than I should expect from your poverty and education'--'So +I ought to do, Sir; though I am desolate, I have been brought up +better than most poor boys'--'Ay indeed!' + +The apothecary entered, and, after having paid all necessary attention +to his patient, informed him of the state in which he had found me; +talked of my wounds and bruises, and the cruelty of the man that could +inflict them; repeated several of the anecdotes of his tyranny, which +I had told him, and concluded with remarks on my good fortune, in +having found so kind a protector. + +'The boy has saved my life,' said my grandfather, 'and he shall not +want a friend.' 'Are you quite sure of that, Sir?' answered I, with +emphatical anxiety. 'Never, while I live,' replied the rector. 'Nay, +but are you quite quite positive?' 'Do you doubt my word, boy?'--'That +is very wrong of you indeed, child,' said the apothecary.--A thought +suddenly struck me. If he would but take an oath, said I to myself? +The oath, the oath! that was what I dreaded! An opposite oath seemed +to be my only safe-guard. I continued--'I swear, Sir, while I have +life never to forsake you, but to be dutiful and true to you'--'Swear +boy?'--'Yes, Sir, most solemnly.'--I spoke with great fervor--'You are +an unaccountable boy'--'Oh that _you_ would never forsake _me_'--'I +tell you I will not'--'Oh that you never would!'--'Won't you believe +me?'--'Oh that you never never would!'--'The boy I believe wants me to +swear too'--'Ay; do, Sir; take an oath not to disown me; and indeed +indeed I'll die willingly to deserve your favour'--'Disown you'--'Nay, +Sir, but take an oath. You say I saved your life; I would lay down +my own again and again to save it. Do not deny me, do not turn me to +starve, or send me back to be murdered by my barbarous master'--'I +tell you I will not'--'Nay but'--'Well then I swear, boy, I will +not'--'Do you indeed duly and truly swear?'--'Solemnly, boy! I take +heaven to witness that, if you are not guilty of something very +wicked, while I live I will provide for you.'--I fell on my knees, +caught hold of his hand, burst into tears, and exclaimed with +sobs--'God in heaven bless my dear dear good grandfather! He has +forgiven me! He has forgiven me!' 'Grandfather?' 'I am Hugh Trevor.' + +Never did I behold so sudden a change in the human countenance! The +rector's eyes glared at me! There was something ghastly in the sunken +form of his features! My shirt was still red, and my coat spotted with +blood; the hair had been cut away from the wound on my head, which was +covered with a large plaister. My eye was black, and swelled up, and +my forehead too was plaistered above the eye-brow. My body he had been +told was covered with bruises, tears bathed my cheeks, and my face was +agitated with something like convulsive emotions. This strange figure +was suddenly changed into his grandson! It was an apparition he knew +not how to endure. To be claimed by such a wretched creature, to +have been himself the author of his wretchedness, to have had an +oath extorted from him, in direct violation of an opposite oath, +to feel this universal shock to his pride and his prejudices was a +complication of jarring sensations that confounded him. To resist was +an effort beyond his strength. For a moment he lost his voice: at last +he exclaimed, with a hoarse scream--'Take him away'--My heart sunk +within me. The apothecary stood petrified with astonishment. The +rector again repeated with increasing agony--'Take him away! Begone! +Never let me see him more!' + +The pang I felt was unutterable. I rose with a feeling of despair that +was annihilating, and was going broken hearted out of the room. At +that instant the figure of my master started to recollection, and with +such terror as to subdue every other fear. I turned back, fell on my +knees again, and clasping my hands cried out, 'For God Almighty's +sake, do not send me back to my master! I shall never escape with +life! He will murder me! He will murder me! I'll be your servant as +long as I live. I will go of your errands; take care of your horses; +drive your plough; weed your garden; do any thing you bid me; indeed, +indeed I will.--Do not send me back to be murdered!' + +The excess of my feelings had something of a calming effect on those +of the rector. He repeated, 'Go go, boy, go! I feel myself very ill!' +The apothecary recovered his tongue and added, 'Ay, my good child, you +had better go.' + +The altered voice of the rector removed a part of the load that +oppressed me, and I left the room, though with no little sensation of +despondency. In about half an hour the apothecary came down. He had +had a conversation with the rector, who I found could not endure the +sight of me again, under my present forlorn or rather accusing form. +The remembrance however that I had saved his life was predominant. How +his casuistry settled the account between his two oaths I never heard; +on that subject he was eternally silent. He was probably ashamed of +having taken the first, and of having been tricked out of the second. +His orders were that I should go home with the apothecary, with whom +he had arranged matters, should be new clothed, wait till my wounds +were healed, and then, if he possibly could, he would prevail upon +himself to see me. + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +_Hopes in behalf of my mother: The arrival of the rector: I gain +his favour: Am adopted by him: And effect a family reconciliation. +Anecdotes of a school-fellow, and his sister: Grammatical and musical +studies: Causes of discontent between the Squire and the rector: +Tythes and law produce quarrels: The tragi-comic tale of the rats_ + + +Six weeks had elapsed before my wounds, bruises, and black marks, +had totally disappeared; and the scar above my eye still retained a +red appearance. The alteration of my person however, aided as it was +by dress, was so remarkable as to excite surprise among my village +friends. The apothecary prided himself upon the change, persuading +himself that the rector would thank him for the present of so fine a +grandson. His art and care had wrought miracles, I was quite another +creature; the alteration was so prodigious since he had taken me that +he was sure there was not so fine a boy in all England. + +In the mean time I had written to my mother, whose cottage was about +ten miles across the country, from the village where the apothecary +lived. He would not permit me to go to her, it might offend the +rector; but he agreed that, if she should by chance come to me, there +could be no harm in my speaking to my mother. He too understood +casuistry. She accordingly came to see me, and was overjoyed at what +had happened; it might lead to a general reconciliation: especially +now that my brother and sister were both dead. They had been carried +off by the small-pox; and she rightly enough conjectured that the +rector would not be the less prone to pardon her for being clear of +further incumbrance. She enjoined me to intercede in her behalf, and I +very sincerely promised to speak as soon as I dared. + +The day at last came on which the rector was to pay his visit, and +examine how far I was fit to be his grandson. My terror by this time +had considerably abated: he having taken thus much notice of me, I +scarcely could believe myself in danger of being rejected. I was not +however without trepidation, and when the well known post chariot +drove up to the door my heart sunk within me. + +The apothecary had two sons, one a year older, and the other some +months younger that I was. The eldest was deformed, and his brother +squinted abominably. Curiosity had brought them and the whole family +into the parlour, to be spectators of the interview. My grandfather +entered; I was dressed as genteelly as every effort of the village +taylor could contrive; an appearance so different from that of the +beaten, bruised, and wounded poor elf he first had seen, with clouted +shoes, torn stockings, and coarse coating, dripping with water, and +clotted with blood, was so great as scarcely to be credible. The +ugliness of my companions did but enhance the superiority of my look; +he could not be mistaken in which was his grandson, and the pleasure +my pre-eminence inspired excited a smile of no little approbation. For +my part I had conceived an affection for him; first I had saved his +life, then he had relieved me from distress, and now was come to own +me as his grandson. The change of my present situation from that in +which I had endured so much misery gave me ineffable pleasure. The +entrance of the rector, who had been the cause of this change, and the +smile with which he regarded me went to my heart. I kneeled, my eyes +flowing in tears, and begged his blessing. He gave it, bade me rise, +and thus made me one of the happiest creatures existing. + +The rector stayed some time to settle accounts with the apothecary, +after which the postillion was called, leave was taken, and I found +myself seated beside my grandfather, in that fortunate post chariot +from which I had so happily extricated him. + +How extreme are the vicissitudes of life! What a reverse of fortune +was here! From hard fare, severe labour, and a brutal tyrant, to +plenty, ease, and smiling felicity. No longer chained in poverty and +ignorance, I now had free access to the precious mines of knowledge. +Far from being restrained, I had every encouragement to pursue +inquiry; and the happiness of the change was at first so great as +almost to be incredible. But the youthful mind easily acquires new +habits, and my character varied with the accidents by which it was +influenced. Yet, to use my father's language, the case-hardening I +had received tempered my future life, and prepared me to endure those +misfortunes with fortitude which might otherwise have broken my +spirit. + +From the day that I arrived at the rectory, I increased so fast in my +grandfather's favour that he scarcely knew how to deny me a request. I +was soon bold enough to petition for my mother; and though the pill at +first was bitter, my repeated importunities at length prevailed, and +the rector agreed that, when his daughter should have sufficiently +humbled herself, in terms suited to his dignity and her degradation, +she should be permitted to kneel at his footstool for pardon, instead +of perishing like an out-cast as she deserved. + +It was not to be expected that my mother should object to the +conditions; the alternative was very simple, submit or starve. Beside +she had been too much accustomed to the display of the collective +authority, accumulated in the person of the rector, to think +of contest. His government was patriarchal, and his powers +plenipotentiary. He was the head of his family, the priest of the +parish, the justice of peace for the hundred, and the greatest man +of miles around. He had no rival, except the before-mentioned Squire +Mowbray, whom, if divines can hate, I certainly think he hated. + +Of the claims of my late master over me, as his apprentice, I never +heard more. Perhaps there was no indenture, for I do not recollect +to have signed one; but if there were he certainly was too conscious +of his guilt to dare to enforce his right, now that he found me +acknowledged and protected by a man so powerful as my grandfather. It +is possible indeed that he should never have heard what became of me; +though I consider that as very improbable. While I was at Oxford, I +was informed that he died raving, with a fever in the brain. + +I have mentioned the encouragement I received to pursue inquiry: +one of the first things the rector thought of was my education. Now +that he had owned I was indeed his grandson, it was fitting that +his grandson should be a gentleman. In the parish committed to his +pastoral guidance was a grammar school, that had been endowed, not +indeed by Squire Mowbray or his ancestors, but, by the family that +in times of yore had held the same estate. The pious founder had +vested the government not entirely in his own family, and its +representatives, but in that family and the rector for the time being. +This circumstance, and many others of a parochial nature, conduced to +a kind of partition of power, well calculated to excite contempt in +the wealthy Squire, who was likewise lord of the manor, and inflame +jealousy in heaven's holy vice-gerent, whose very office on earth is +to govern, and to detect, reprove, and rectify, the wanderings of us +silly sheep. + +To this school I was immediately sent; and here, among other +competitors was the Squire's eldest son, Hector Mowbray. He was two +years older than I, and in the high exercise of that power to which he +was the redoubted heir. To insult the boys, seize their marbles, split +their tops, cuff them if they muttered, kick them if they complained +to the master, get them flogged if they kicked and cuffed in return, +and tyrannize over them to the very stretch of his invention, were +practices in which he daily made himself more and more expert. He was +the young Squire, and that was a receipt in full for all demands. + +I soon came to understand that he was the son of a great man! a very +great man indeed! and that there was a prodigious difference between +flesh and blood of a squire's propagating, and that of ordinary breed. +But I heard it so often repeated, and saw it proved in such a variety +of instances, that I too was the grandson of a great man, ay so great +as openly to declare war against, or at least bid defiance to, the +giant power of Magog Mowbray (it was an epithet of my grandfather's +giving) I say, I was so fully convinced that I myself was the son +of somebody (pshaw! I mean the grandson) that no sooner did young +Hector begin to exercise his ingenuity upon me, than I found myself +exceedingly disposed to rebel. I had been bred in a hardy school. + +At my first admission into this seminary, I did not immediately and +fully enter into the spirit and practice of the place; though I soon +became tolerably active. At robbing orchards, tying up latches, +lifting gates, breaking down hedges, and driving cattle astray, I +was by no means so great a proficient as Hector; nor had I any great +affection for swimming hedgehogs, hunting cats, or setting dogs at +boys and beggars; but at climbing trees, running, leaping, swimming, +and such like exercises, I was among the most alert. + +My courage too was soon put to the proof, and my opponents found that +I entered on action with very tolerable alacrity; so that not to +mention sparrings and skirmishes, from which having begun I was never +the first to flinch, I had not been a year at school, before I had +been declared the conqueror in three set battles. The third was with +a butcher's boy, in defence of Hector, who for once instead of giving +had suffered insult, but who, though older and stronger than I was, +had not the courage to attack his hardy antagonist. My victory was +dearly earned, for the boy was considerably my superior in age and +strength, and bred to the sport. But this defence of him, and the fear +of having me for a foe, induced Hector to court my favour, and often +to invite me to Mowbray Hall. + +Nor did the whole of my fame end here; the first day I entered the +school I was allowed to be the best English scholar, excepting one +Turl, a youth noted for his talents, and who while he remained there +continually kept his place in every class, as head boy. But this was +no triumph over me, for beside having been so long at school, he had +three or four years the advantage of me in point of age. Neither +did my thirst of inquiry abate, and I had now not only books but +instructors; on the contrary, my eagerness increased, and my progress +both in Latin and Greek was rapid. The rector was astonished at it, +and was often embarrassed by the questions which my desire of learning +impelled me to put. + +Among my other acquirements, I became a practical musician. The rector +could strum the bass tolerably, and his friend the lawyer could play +the violin, in which however he was excelled by the clerk of the +parish. I retained some remembrance of what I had formerly studied, +and felt a great desire to learn; the rector encouraged it, and as the +clerk is always the very humble servant and slave of the parson, he +was inducted my music master. I loved the art, so that in less than +twelve months I had made a sufficient progress to join in Corelli's +and even Handel's trios, and thus to strengthen the parsonage-house +band. + +People who hate each other do yet visit and keep up an intercourse, +according to set forms, purposely to conceal their hatred, it being a +hideous and degrading vice, of which all men are more or less either +ashamed or afraid. To preserve these appearances, or perhaps from the +impulse of vanity, the rector admitted of my excursions to Mowbray +Hall. For my own part, I found a motive more alluring than the society +of Hector, that frequently occasioned me to repeat these visits. His +sister, Olivia, two years younger than myself, was usually one of our +parlour playmates. Born of the same mother, living in the same family, +accustomed to the same manners, it is difficult to account for the +very opposite propensities of this brother and sister. Every thing the +reverse of what has been recited of Hector was visible in Olivia. He +was boisterous, selfish, and brutal; she was compassionate, generous, +and gentle: his faculties were sluggish, obtuse, and confined; hers +were acute, discriminating, and capacious: his want of feeling made +him delight to inflict torture; her extreme sensibility made her +fly to administer relief. The company of Olivia soon became very +attractive, and the rambles that I have sometimes taken with her, hand +in hand over Mowbray Park, afforded no common delight. She too was a +musician, and already famous for her fine voice and execution on the +harpsichord. I accompanied her on the violin, and sang duets with her +so as to surprize and even charm the Squire, and throw the visitors at +Mowbray Hall into raptures. + +This sweet intercourse however was terminated by the bickerings, +back-bitings, and smothered jealousies, between the Squire and my +grandfather, which at length burst into a flame. The Squire had +succeeded to his estate and manor by the death of a very distant +relation, and by this relation the rector had been presented to his +living: he therefore considered himself as under no kind of obligation +to the Squire; while the latter on the contrary, the advowson being +parcel and part of the manor, held the manor, and himself as owner of +the manor, to be the actual donor. + +To all this was added another very serious cause of discontent, that +of tythes; a cause that disturbs half the villages in the kingdom, +and that frequently exhibits the man who is sent to preach peace, and +afford an example of mild forbearance and Christian humility, as a +litigious, quarrelsome and odious tyrant; much better qualified to +herd with wolves than to be the shepherd of his meek master. It is +sufficiently certain that neither Christ nor his apostles ever took +tythes; and the esquires, farmers, and landholders, of this christian +kingdom, would in general be better satisfied, if their successors +were to follow so disinterested and laudable an example. + +My grandfather had accepted his rectory at the same commutation that +the former incumbent had enjoyed it; and, while the patron to whom +he owed the presentation was living, he contented himself with his +bargain as well as he could: but, soon after the accession of Squire +Mowbray, considering that tie as no longer a clog to his conscience, +he began to inquire very seriously into the real value of his first +fruits and tythes, personal, predial, and mixed: that is, his great +tythes and his small. The calculation inflamed his avarice, and he +purchased and read all the books on the subject of tythes he could +collect. Being fond of power, and having discovered (as he supposed) +that the man who knows the most quirks in law has the greatest +quantity of power over his simple and ignorant neighbours, he was +a tolerably laborious and successful student of these quirks. I +say, tolerably; for it seldom happens that the rector is the most +industrious person in the parish. + +It was thus that, after having made the whole hundred tremble at his +authority, in the exercise of his office of justice of the peace, he +next hoped to conquer the Behemoth, Magog Mowbray himself. His own +fears of being vanquished and the advice of his friends had indeed, +for years, prevented him from proceeding to an open rupture with his +parish, and the Squire at its head: but his irritability had been +gradually increasing ever since the departure of my uncle Elford. The +progress of his avarice at first was slow; but it gained strength as +it proceeded, and there was now no one whose opinion had sufficient +weight with him to keep it longer quiet. His friend the lawyer, it is +true, might have had some such influence over him; but the lawyer had +been duly articled to the most famous, that is the most litigious, +attorney in the country, and was himself his very famous successor; a +practitioner of the first repute. + +The Squire, by a trick he thought proper to play, contributed not +a little to kindle the smothering embers. My grandfather having +announced his intention of demanding a commutation of nearly double +the sum, or of being paid his tythes in kind--first his tythes _de +jure_, and next his tythes by custom; enumerating them all and each; +corn, hay, hops and hemp; fruits, roots, seeds and weeds; wool, milk, +chickens, ducklings, and goslings, or eggs; corn rakings and pond +drawings; not forgetting agistment and _subbois_, or _sylva caedua_; +with many many more of the sweets of our prolific mother earth, which +I would enumerate if I did but recollect them, and for which men so +often have been and still are impleaded in Court Christian--these +particulars, I say, being recapitulated and set forth in terrible +array, by the rector, excited in the whole parish so much dread of the +rapacious vulture, who was coming with such a swoop upon them, that +high and low, young and old, rich and poor, all began to tremble. + +The Squire was the only man, at first, who durst bid defiance to the +general ravager. The rector's deviation from his original commutation +agreement threw him into a rage, and he panted for an opportunity of +shewing the contempt in which he held my grandfather and his threats. + +Malicious chance favoured his wishes. It happened, while his passions +were in full force, that a rat-catcher arrived at Mowbray Hall; which +at that time was greatly infested by the large Norway rats. The man +had the art of taking them alive, and was accordingly employed by the +Squire. While he was preparing to perform his business, the gentle +Olivia, very innocently and without any foresight of consequences, +chanced to say--'I do not think, papa, that our good rector, who +considers all things as tytheable, would be much pleased to have his +tythe of rats'--The Squire no sooner heard this sentence uttered +than he began to dance and halloo, like a madman; swearing most +vociferously--'By G----, wench, he shall ha' um! He shall ha' um! He +shall ha' um!' + +His boisterous joy at this rare thought, which was indeed far beyond +the discovery of his own brain, could not be appeased; nor could +Olivia, sorry for what she had done, prevent him from most resolutely +determining to put it in practice. The ratcatcher was immediately +ordered to entrap as many of his best friends as he possibly could; +and a carpenter was set to work to make a covered box, for the +rector's tythe-rats, with a lifting door. Hector Mowbray was consulted +on the whole progress; and the fancies of father and son were tickled +to excess, by the happy prank they were about to play. + +The rats were caught, the box was made, and the ratcatcher commanded +to select the finest, fattest and largest of them, and enclose them +in their cage. In order to heighten and secure their enjoyment, the +Squire and Hector chose four of the stoutest servants, gave the cage +into their custody, and ordered the ratcatcher to attend. Away they +then went in turbulent procession. They even wanted Olivia to go with +them to see the sport; and young Hector, probably with malice prepense +against me, when she refused, was for using force; but she was a +favourite with the Squire, and being very determined was suffered to +remain at home. + +Arrived at the parsonage-house, they entered the hall. The Squire +loudly called for the rector. The noise and vociferation of their +approach had rouzed his attention, and he was not long in coming. +The servants too were collected, some without the door and others of +more authority within it, to hear and see what all this could mean. +I likewise was one of the company.--'Here! here! Mr. Rector,' bawled +the Squire, 'we ha' brought you your due. I'll warrant, for once, you +sha'n't grumble that we do not pay you your tythes!' + +My grandfather, hearing this address, seeing the covered cage, and +remarking the malicious grins of the Squire and his whole posse, knew +not what to think, and began to suspect there was mischief in the +wind--'By the waunds! mister tythe taker,' continued the Squire, 'but +you shall ha' your own! Here, lads, lift up the cage: put it on the +table; let his reverence see what we ha' brought'n! Come, raise the +door!' + +The men, with each a broad grin upon his countenance, did as they were +bidden: they lifted up the box, raised the door, and out burst above +twenty of the largest wildest rats the well stocked barns of Mowbray +Hall could afford. Their numbers, their squealing, their ferocity, +their attempts to escape, and the bounds they gave from side to side +struck the whole parsonage house community with a panic. The women +screamed; the rector foamed; the squire hallooed; and the men seized +bellows, poker, tongs, and every other weapon or missile that was at +hand. The uproar was universal, and the Squire never before or after +felt himself so great a hero! The death of the fox itself was unequal +to it! + +This was but the first act of the farce, the catastrophe of which +had something in it of a more tragical cast. Servants partake of the +prejudices of their masters, and the whole parsonage-house, young and +old, male and female, felt itself insulted. No sooner therefore were +the rats discomfited than the rector, summoning all his magisterial +and orthodox dignity, commanded the Squire and his troop to depart. +Despising the mandate, Magog Mowbray continued his exultations and +coarse sarcasms; and, Oh frailty of human nature! the man of God +forgot the peaceful precepts of his divine mission, and gave the +signal for a general assault. Nay he himself, so unruly are the hands +and feet even of a parson in a passion, was one of the most eager +combatants. Age itself could not bind his arms. + +The battle raged, fierce and dreadful, for sometime in the hall: but +heroism soon found it wanted elbow-room, and the two armies by mutual +consent sallied forth. Numbers were in our favour, for the very maids, +armed with mop-handles, broomsticks, and rolling pins, acted like +Amazons. I was far from idle, for I had singled out my foe. Hector, +whose courage example had enflamed to a very unruly height, had even +dared to begin the attack; and I was no less alert in opposition. But +though he was Hector, I as it happened was Achilles, and bestowed my +wrath upon him most unsparingly. In fine, valour, victory, and right, +were for once united, and we very fairly put the Squire, his heir, his +ratcatcher, and his beef-eaters to flight. + +The rector, dreading a second attack from the enemy, began to fortify +his castle, provide ammunition, and arrange his troops. I acted as his +aide-de-camp, burning to be myself commander in chief. But the caution +was superfluous: the Squire, like his son, was rather revengeful than +valorous, and returned no more to the field. + +In the parish however the fortune of the day might be said to wear a +very different face, for there was not a farmer who did not triumph at +the tythe in kind, which had been paid to the rector; and it became a +general threat to sweep the parish of moles, weazles, stoats, polecats +and vermin of every species, and tenant the rectory with them, if any +thing more was heard on the subject of tythes. Neither did detraction +forget to remind the rector of his age, and how shameful it was for +a man with one foot in the grave to quarrel with and rob the poor +farmers, whom he was hired to guide, console, and love. The poor +farmers forgot that, in the eye of the law, the robbery was theirs; +and the rector forgot that in the eye of justice and common sense, he +had already more than enough. The framers of the law too forgot that +to hire a man to love a whole parish is but a blundering kind of a +mode. But such mistakes are daily made. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +_Different accounts of the battle: Olivia offended: Legal +distinctions, and law-suits commenced_ + + +The rumours of the village soon made it apparent that the history of +the battle royal, as given by the vanquished party, like many other +histories, deviated in various particulars from the strict truth. +Thus the Squire asserted that he and his myrmidons quitted the field +victoriously, drums beating and colours flying; after having driven +the enemy back into their citadel and strong holds, out of which they +durst not peep: and to the truth of what the Squire asserted his +trusty adherents made it a case of conscience to swear. + +Encouraged by so good an example, Hector vaunted loudly of his own +high feats of arms; and by his narration made it appear, not only how +much he had the best of the battle with me, but that it was by kicking +him when up, kneeing him when down, striking him when rising, and +other such like cowardly foul and malicious acts, that he brought home +such a quantity of bruises (of which with all his valour he bitterly +complained) together with a pair of black eyes. + +Knowing my partiality for his sister, and suspecting that Olivia +herself was not without her inclinations, he did not fail to repeat +these particulars when she was present; carefully adding such other +injurious accusations and epithets as might most effectually lower me +in her esteem. His efforts were successful: Olivia was offended, first +that her brother should be so cruelly beaten by one of whom she had +conceived so kindly, and next that it should be by such base and +dishonourable means. Thus one of my chief pleasures, that of visiting +at Mowbray Hall, admiring and sometimes mounting the Squire's hunters, +and straying through the gardens and grounds with the gentle Olivia, +was cut off. + +Hector by this time had passed the age of sixteen, and the wrath of +the Squire rose so high that he would not suffer him any longer to go +to the same school with me: for which reason, it being a part of his +plan to send his heir to the university, that he might not only be a +Squire but a man of learning, and thus become greater even than his +father before him, preparations and arrangements were made something +sooner than had been intended, and not long afterward he was entered a +gentleman commoner of ****** college, Oxford. + +It has been noticed that the farmers thought more of the vexation of +their case than of the law; but not so the rector; he thought first of +the law, and the law told him that the vexation of the case relative +to tythes, was all in his favour. Of the late affray with the Squire +indeed he had his doubts. As for the entrance upon his premises, +though it might be pleaded it was for a lawful purpose, namely, that +of paying tythes, yet, as rats were _feræ naturæ_, and therefore +things not tythable, it was very plain that this was a case of +trespass _ab initio_, and his action would lie for _a trespass vi et +armis_. But unfortunately passion had prevented him from waiting to +bring his action, and he had assumed the _vi et armis_ to himself in +the first instance, not having patience to attend the slow and limping +pace of the law. He was not indeed quite certain that, although he and +his party gave the first blows, an action of battery brought against +Mowbray might not be justified: for did he not come upon him in +full force; he, the rector, being in the peace of God and our Lord +the King? And did not he, the Squire, by shouting and oaths and +blasphemous words, put him, the rector, in bodily fear? And was not +the very act of turning ferocious animals, namely, Norway rats, loose +in his hall, to the danger of his face, eyes, and throat, a very +indubitable and sufficient assault? Was it not likewise clearly in +self defence, that the rector and his faithful servants did _molliter +manus imponere_ on the Squire and his crew?--The _molliter_ it is true +appeared rather doubtful: but then it was a term of law, and would +bear that exact signification which the circumstances of the case +required, and lawyers so well know how to give. + +Thus, with law in his head, wrath in his heart, and money in his +pocket, away went the rector to hold consultations with his now +favourite friend the attorney; who has before been mentioned as so +thorough bred and far famed a practitioner; the result of which was +that an action of _trespass upon the case_, as the safest mode of +proceeding, should be brought against the Squire; and that public +information should be given that tythes in kind would in six months be +demanded from the whole parish; with a formal notice that as malicious +threatenings had been uttered against the rector, whom the laws, +civil, common, and ecclesiastical, would protect, if any such +threatenings should be put in execution actions against the offenders +would immediately be instituted. + +It was the spring of the year when these resolutions were taken, and +before the end of the following November the rector, in consequence of +squabbles, insults, and frauds, had brought actions against more than +half his parishioners; by which the attornies, counsellors, and courts +were in the end the only gainers, while plaintiff and defendant most +ardently concurred and rejoiced in the ruin of each other. But so +it is: anger, avarice, and law are terrible things; and malice and +selfishness are indefatigable foes. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +_Progress of my studies: My predilection in favour of theology: The +decay of the rector: His testament, death, and funeral_ + + +Three additional years passed away under the auspices of my +grandfather, during which he pursued his law-suits and I my studies; +though with very different success; he lost the dearest thing on earth +to him, his money; and I gained the dearest thing on earth to me, +knowledge. Among other superfluous appendages, superfluous to him for +he made but little use of it, he had a good library. Not of his own +collecting; he enjoyed it by descent. This was my daily resort. Its +treasures were inexhaustible, and my desire of information could +not be satiated. I spent many happy hours in it, and it is still +remembered by me with that sweet pleasure which its contents were so +well calculated to impart. + +I had another accidental advantage. The usher of the school got +preferment, and his successor happened to be well read, both in the +dead and living languages. This person, whose name was Wilmot, was not +only a good scholar and an amiable man but an excellent poet. He had +an affection for me, and I almost worshipped him. He was assiduous to +teach me every thing he knew; and fortunately I was no less apt and +eager to learn. Having already made a tolerable proficiency in the +learned languages, the richness of the French in authors made me +labour to acquire it with avidity. The Italian poets were equally +inviting; so that, by his aid, I mastered the idioms and attained the +spirit of both those languages. The dialects of the Teutonic were +likewise familiar to him, and I made some progress in the German; +being desirous from his recommendation to read, among others, the +works of Lessing, Klopstock, Goethe, and Schiller. The acquirement of +knowledge is an essential and therefore a pure pleasure; and my time, +though laboriously spent, glided swiftly and happily away. + +With respect to amusement, the violin became my favourite. My now +dearest friend, the usher, among his other attainments was a musician: +my affection for him had made him intimate at the parsonage-house, and +his aid greatly promoted our musical parties. + +Finding knowledge thus delightful, my zeal to promulgate it was great. +I had as I imagined so much to communicate, that I panted for an +opportunity to address myself to multitudes. At that time I knew +no place so well calculated for this purpose as the pulpit; and my +inclination to be a preacher was tolerably conformable to the views +of the rector. Not but he had his doubts. Few men are satisfied with +their own profession; and though he had great veneration for church +authority, which he held to be infinitely superior from its very +nature to civil government, yet his propensity to dabble in the law +had practically and theoretically taught him some of the advantages of +its professors. In rank it was true that the Archbishop of Canterbury +was the second man in the kingdom, and in the rector's opinion ought +to have been indisputably the first. In days of yore, who so potent? +But obsolete titles are not equal to actual possessions. The Lord High +Chancellor, in this degenerate age, enjoys much more political power. +Neither does it in general die with him, like that of the Archbishop. +He seldom fails to bequeath an earldom, or a barony at least, to his +heir. + +On these subjects I had frequent lectures from my grandfather, who +perceiving the enterprise of my temper and the progress of my studies, +began to entertain hopes that from his loins some future noble family +might descend: that is, provided I would follow the advice which he +so well knew how to bestow. In support of his argument, he would give +me the history of the origin of various Barons, Viscounts, and Earls, +which he could trace to some of the lowest departments of the law. + +Thus, though he was convinced that the sacerdotal character claimed +unlimited authority by right divine, yet, from the perverse and +degenerate nature of man, it was most lamentably sinking into decay; +while that of the law was rising on its ruins. Had he been a man of +the world instead of the rector of a village, he would have heard of +another profession, superior to them both for the attainment of what +he most coveted, power, rank, and wealth; and would have known that +the lawyer only soars to the possession of these supposed blessings by +learning a new trade; that is, by making himself a politician. + +The effect his maxims produced on me was a conviction that divinity +and law were two super-excellent things. But my mind from many +circumstances had acquired a moral turn; and, as I at that time +supposed morality and religion to be the same, the current of my +inclinations was strong in favour of divinity. Whoever imagines the +youthful mind cannot easily acquire such moral propensities has never +observed it, except when habit and example have already taught it +to be perverse. I speak from experience, and well know how much the +accounts I had read of Aristides, Epaminondas, Regulus, Cato, and +innumerable other great characters among the ancients inflamed my +imagination, and gave me a rooted love of virtue; so that even the +vulgarly supposed dry precepts of Seneca and Epictetus were perused +by me with delight; and with an emulous determination to put them in +practice. + +My morality however was far from pure: it was such a mixture of +truth and error as was communicated to me by conversation, books, +and the incidents of life. From the glow of poetry I learnt many +noble precepts; but from the same source I derived the pernicious +supposition that to conquer countries and exterminate men are the +acts of heroes. Further instances would be superfluous: I mean only +to remark that, while I was gaining numerous truths, I was likewise +confirming myself in various prejudices; many of which it has been the +labour of years aided by the lessons of accident to eradicate; and +many more no doubt still remain undetected. + +And now the period approached when I was to adventure forth into that +world of which I had experienced something, had heard so much, and +with which I was so impatient to become still better acquainted. The +weight of age began to press upon the rector and he had an apoplectic +fit, at which he was very seriously alarmed. He then thought it high +time to put his temporal affairs into the best order that his own +folly would admit; for, in consequence of his lawsuits, they were +so much in the hands and power of his friend, the lawyer, that +notwithstanding the plausibility and professions of the latter, he +trembled when he came to reflect how much they were involved. His +former parsimony had led him to hope he should leave great wealth +behind him; but, when he came to consult his friend concerning his +will, he had the mortification to find how much it had been diminished +by his litigious avarice. + +The will however was made, but it was under this friend's direction +and influence. The lawyer was a lawyer, and, affecting the character +of disinterestedness, reminded the rector of the folly of youth, and +in how short a period money that had taken a life to acquire was +frequently squandered by a thoughtless heir. His advice therefore was +that the property should be left to my mother, and that she should +have a joint executor. This executor ought to be the most honest of +men and the dearest of friends, or he would never perform so very +arduous and unprofitable a task with fidelity and effect: a task as +thankless as it is laborious, and which nothing should prevail on him +to undertake, but the desire to serve some very dear and much esteemed +friend. + +With respect to my mother and me, I was her darling, and there was no +danger that she should marry again; at least infinitely less than that +a young man should abuse wealth, of which he had not by experience +learned the value. By making me dependent, my assiduity would be +increased: but, that all might be safe, it might perhaps be well +to set apart a sum, for my maintenance at the university; and, if +I should decide for the church when I quitted it, another for the +purchase of an advowson; or, if for the law, to place me in the office +of some eminent practitioner. + +This counsel was so much that of a man of foresight, and knowledge +of the world, that my grandfather heard it with pleasure. It was +literally followed. One hundred per annum for four years residence at +the university was allotted me; and a legacy of a thousand pounds was +added, which, though the purchase of an advowson was recommended, was +entrusted to my discretion, and when I should come of age left to my +own disposal. The will was then copied and signed, and the lawyer, at +the request of a dear and dying friend, was prevailed on to be joint +executor with my mother. This was the last legal act and deed of +the rector, for he died within a month; and with him died his few +friendships, his many enmities, and his destructive law-suits. His +spiritual flock was right glad that he was gone; and his funeral was +only attended by my mother, myself, the lawyer, the master and usher +of the grammar school, and a few visiting friends. + +When the will was opened, I and my mother were necessarily present. +The rector had detailed the arguments which his friend had suggested: +he mentioned his fears of youthful folly, but spoke of me with +affection and hope, and seriously warned my mother, for my sake, to +beware of a second marriage; with which requisition she very solemnly +affirmed it was her determination to comply. I was young and high in +expectation; for Hugh the second was scarcely less sanguine of temper +than Hugh the first. Few people in the world, I was persuaded, were +possessed of such extraordinary abilities as myself. I had read, in a +thousand places, of the high rewards bestowed on men of learning, wit, +and genius; I was therefore eager to sally forth, convinced that I +need only be seen to be admired, and known to be employed. These ideas +were so familiar to my mind that I intreated my mother to lay no +restraint upon her inclinations, for I well knew how to provide for +myself: but she was wounded by the request, and begged I would not +kill her, by a supposition so cutting, so unaffectionate, and so +unamiable. The energy with which she expressed herself somewhat +surprized me: a kind of good humoured chearfulness, which resembled +indifference rather than sentiment, was the leading feature in my +mother's character. She was however on this occasion more sentimental, +because as I supposed more in earnest, than usual. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +_Preparations for parting: A journey: More of education, or something +to be learned in a stage coach_ + + +These solemn affairs being adjusted, and by the lapse of a few weeks +we the mourners more reconciled to our loss, it began to be necessary +for me to prepare for my removal to the university: for it was there +only, according to the wise laws of our wise fore-fathers (and who +will dare to suppose that our forefathers were foolish, or could make +foolish laws?) that a regular and incontestible induction can be +obtained to the holy ministry, of which I was ambitious. + +It was determined I should enter of ****** college, Oxford; the same +at which Hector Mowbray had been admitted, and to which all the +scholars from the grammar school where I was educated repaired. But +there was a warm contest whether I should enter as a commoner, or a +gentleman commoner. My mother was eager for the latter, which the +lawyer opposed. She could not endure that her dear Hugh should, as it +were publicly, confess the superiority of his rival and sworn foe, the +insolent Hector. He contended that to affect to rival him in expence +were absurd, and might lead to destructive consequences. The lawyer +had the best of the argument, yet I was inclined to take part with my +mother. Inferiority was what I was little disposed to acknowledge; +I therefore consulted my friend the usher. Fortunately he had more +wisdom, and alledged some very convincing moral motives, which I too +much respected to disobey. + +Previous to my departure, I endured much lecturing, which I considered +as exceedingly useless, and consequently little less than impertinent. +The lawyer reminded me of my youth, and warned me against the knavery +of mankind, who he affirmed are universally prone to prey upon one +another. This, miracles out of the question, must be the creed of a +lawyer. I had a better opinion of my fellow bipeds, of whom I yet knew +but little, and heard him with something like contempt. My mother +wearied me with intreaties to write to her at least once a week. She +should never be easy out of my sight, if she did not hear from me +frequently. The omission of a mail would throw her into the utmost +terrors: she should conclude I was sick, or dying, nay perhaps dead, +and she conjured me to respect her maternal feelings. I did respect +them, and promised all she required. She was desirous too that I +should continually be with her, during the vacations. The lawyer on +the contrary advised me to remain at college, and pursue my studies. + +It will seem very unnatural to most mothers, and highly censurable to +many moralists, that the person whom I felt the greatest regret at +parting with was my instructor and friend, the usher. He was no less +affectionate. He too cautioned me against youthful confidence, and +hinted that men were not quite so good as they should be. I knew +him to be a little inclined to melancholy, and that he considered +himself as a neglected man, who had reason to complain of the world's +injustice. But, though the belief that this was true moved my +compassion, he did not convince me that men were constitutionally +inclined to evil. My own feelings loudly spoke the contrary. I had not +yet been initiated. I knew but little of those false wants by which +the mind of man is perverted. The credulity of youth can only be cured +by the experience of age: the prejudices of age can only be eradicated +by appealing to the feelings and facts of youth. Man becomes what the +mistaken institutions of society inevitably make him: his tendency is +to promote his own well being, and the well being of the creatures +around him; these can only be promoted by virtue; consequently, when +he is vicious it is from mistake, and his original sin is ignorance. + +My books, clothes, and effects were forwarded to the next market town, +through which the coach that I was to travel in passed. That I might +meet it in time on Monday morning, it was necessary to set out the +evening before, and sleep at the inn. My mind was by no means free +from popular prejudices, when they were of a moral cast, and I was not +entirely satisfied at beginning my journey on a Sunday. I struggled +against the nonsense of ill omens, for I had read books in which they +were ridiculed; but I was not quite certain that the action was in +itself right. Things however were thus arranged, and my friends were +assembled to take leave of me. The lawyer's reiterated advice teased +me; my mother's tears gave me pain; but the pressure of the usher's +hand and his cordial 'God be with you!' went to my heart. However, +the sun shone, the month was May, the grass was green, the birds were +singing, my hopes were mantling, and my cares were soon forgotten. I +seemed to look back on my past existence as on a kind of imprisonment; +and my spirits fluttered, as if just set free to wander through a +world of unknown delights. + +Fortune was disposed to favour the delusive vision; for at the inn +on the morrow, being roused from a sound sleep to pursue my journey, +after stepping into the coach, I found myself seated opposite to the +handsomest sweetest young lady I had ever beheld. I except Olivia; but +her I had only known as it were a child, and I looked back on those +as on childish days. The lovely creature was clothed in a sky-blue +riding-habit with embroidered button-holes, and a green hat and +feather, with suitable decorations. She had a delicate twisted +cane-whip in her hand, a nosegay in her bosom, and a purple cestus +round her waist. There were beside two gentlemen in the coach, +genteelly dressed; and they all appeared to know each other. + +The young lady spoke to every body, without the least reserve or +pride, which did but increase the good opinion I had conceived of her. +The gentlemen likewise were easy and familiar; and, in spite of my +friend the lawyer, I already plainly perceived the world was a very +good humoured polite and pleasant world. The young lady was peculiarly +attentive and kind to me, and, I being but _a raw traveller_, insisted +that the gentleman next her should change places with me, that I might +sit with my face toward the horses, lest I should be sick by riding +backward. At this however my manly pride revolted, and I obstinately +kept my seat, notwithstanding her very obliging intreaties. The phrase +_raw traveller_ I did not think quite so politely and happily chosen +as the rest; but then it fell from such a pair of modest lips, that it +was impossible to conceive offence. + +After a pleasant ride of three hours, we arrived at the breakfasting +place. The coach door was opened, and I, not waiting for the steps, +leaped out like a young grey-hound. The lady seemed half inclined to +follow me, but was timid. I placed myself properly, promised to catch +her, and she sprang into my arms. Suddenly recollecting herself, she +exclaimed,--'What a wild creature I am!' and ran away, hiding her +face with her hands. I blamed myself for having been too forward, +and inwardly applauded her quick sense of propriety. The gentlemen +laughed, walked into the breakfasting-room, and invited me to follow +them. + +In about ten minutes, the young lady entered with apologies, and +hoping we knew the rules of travelling too well to wait. She seemed +improved in beauty. There was a kind of bloom spread over her +countenance, contrasted with a delicate pearl white, such as I had +never seen in the finest cherry cheeks of our village maidens. 'It is +the blush at the little incident of leaping from the coach', said I to +myself, 'that has thus improved her complexion.' She sat down to the +table, and, with the kindness that seemed native to her, poured out +my tea, sugared and creamed it just to my taste, and handed it to me +with sweetness that was quite seducing. I knew not how to return or to +merit her favours, and the attempt made me mawkishly sentimental. 'It +is delightful', said I, 'when amiable people live together in happy +society.' 'It is indeed,' said she, and her bosom appeared gently to +heave. + +Our feelings seemed to vibrate in unison, but they were disturbed by +a sudden burst of coughing of one of the gentlemen, drinking his tea; +and were not much harmonized by a fit of laughing with which the other +was seized, who told his companion he was a _droll dog_. But what the +drollery could be, of a man choaked with swallowing too hastily, was +more than I could comprehend. The appellation of _droll dog_ however +was repeated, till the two gentlemen could appease their titillation. +I own I thought it a little rude; but they seemed neither of them so +well-bred as the lady, and I concluded they could be nothing more +than travelling acquaintance. I even supposed I saw them wink at +each other, as if there had been something strange or improper in my +behaviour. + +I then thought it quite necessary to let them know who I was. +Accordingly I took an opportunity of succintly telling them whence +I came, where I was going, who my relations were, and what my +expectations. I let them understand that I had money in my purse, and +gave broad hints that I was neither fool nor coward. They were quite +civil, but still their looks to each other seemed very significant, +and to have more meaning than I knew how to develope. I was a little +piqued, but comforted myself with the assurance that I should show +them their mistake, if they conjectured any thing to my disadvantage. + +Breakfast over, we returned to the coach, and, after handing the young +lady, I stepped in as lightly as I had stepped out. She again insisted +I should not ride backward, and I for my former reason refused to +change my place, till one of those abrupt gentlemen exclaimed.--'What, +my young buck, are you afraid of a petticoat?' 'Oh fie!' said the +young lady. + +Rouzed by this insulting supposition, and despising every kind of +cowardice, I immediately crossed over and took my seat by her side. +'Men fellows are very rude horse-godmother kind of creatures,' said +the young lady.--The colour flushed in my face.--'Men fellows? +Horse-godmother?' It was strange! I was more than half afraid she +meant me.--'Not all of them I hope,' said I, as soon as I could +recollect myself--'No, not all of them,' answered the young lady, with +a gentle smile, and a glance that I thought had meaning. + +My flow of spirits being somewhat checked by the behaviour of the +gentlemen, I sat silent, and they fell into conversation; by which +I learned that one of them was a gentleman of great fortune in +Wales, and the other a captain in the army, and that they were well +acquainted with London, Dublin, Bath, Brighthelmstone, and all places +of fashionable resort. The young lady too had not only been at each of +them, but had visited Paris, and mentioned many persons of quality, +with whom, as it appeared from her discourse, she was quite familiar. +It was evident, from all she said, that she knew how to distinguish +the well bred and the polite. She was immensely shocked at any +thing that was ungenteel _and low_: it was prodigiously horrid. The +whole discourse indeed convinced me that they were all people of +consequence; and that my supposition of ill breeding on the part of +the gentlemen must have been hasty. + +One thing however surprised me, and particularly drew my attention. +I valued myself on my knowledge of languages, and the quickness of +my ear; yet, though they continually spoke English, they introduced +occasional words and phrases which to me were wholly unintelligible. +One especially of these phrases seemed so strange that I repeated +it to myself again and again. It was--_The kinchin will bite the +bubble_--I pondered, and fifty times questioned--'Who is _the +kinchin_? What is _bite the bubble_? I But in vain: it was +incomprehensible! + +We did not stop to dine till between four and five o'clock, and then +the young lady at alighting was more circumspect. She having retired, +the gentlemen asked me if I would take a turn to the river side, +at the back of the inn; and I, to shew that I now understood their +characters better, willingly complied. As I was following them, the +landlord, who had attended while we were alighting, plucked me by the +skirt, and looking significantly after my companions whispered--'Take +care of yourself, young gentleman!' then hastily brushed by. The first +moment I thought it strange; the second I exclaimed to myself--'Ah, +ha! I guessed how it was: I soon found them out! But, if they have any +tricks to play, they shall find I am as cunning as they. The landlord +need not have cautioned me; I am not so easily caught.' + +Thus fortified, I proceeded boldly; and we had not walked two hundred +yards before one of them who had stepped forward, stooped and picked +up a piece of paper, which he instantly began to read. 'S'death!' +exclaimed he, as we approached, 'here is a bill, at three days sight, +for fifteen guineas; drawn on Fairlamb and Company, bankers at Oxford. +You are acquainted with country bills, captain,' said he, presenting +it to his companion: 'do you think it a good one?' His companion +took it, examined it, upside and down, to the light and from it, and +replied--'As good as the bank! But we must share?' 'To be sure we +must,' said the finder. 'Why should you doubt it? 'Tis a trifle; five +guineas a piece; but it will serve to pay travelling expences.' + +They laughed, and I was staggered at this honourable and generous +conduct. I have proceeded too hastily, thought I; and the landlord +is own cousin to our lawyer; he thinks every man a rogue. Their +liberality is proof sufficient in their favour.--'Come, give us our +five guineas a piece,' said the gentleman of Wales to the captain--'I +have no ready cash,' answered he. 'I never chuse, when I am +travelling, to have more money in my pocket than barely enough for +expences.'--'That is exactly my case,' replied the Welsh gentleman. +'But perhaps our young friend may be less cautious, and may have +loose cash sufficient.'--'I had twelve guineas,' said I, 'when I left +home.'--'Oh, that will just do,' answered the captain. 'We turn off +to-morrow morning for Cirencester; you are going to Oxford, otherwise +our luck would have been lost upon us, for we would not have gone a +mile out of our road for such a trifle.' + +My hand was in my pocket, and the guineas were between my fingers, +when my heart smote me. The landlord's significant 'Take care of +yourself young gentleman!' my own sagacious conjectures when he gave +me this warning, and their strange phrase of _bite the bubble_, all +rose to my recollection. They shall not make a tool and a jest of me, +said I to myself. + +The gentleman of Wales seeing me hesitate, jogged me by the elbow, and +said--'Come, come; we must dispatch: dinner is on the table by this +time, and the coach will not wait a minute.'--'Those who think me a +fool,' replied I, with something of indignation in my countenance, +'will find themselves deceived'--'What do you mean by that, Sir,' +retorted the captain--'Strange language, for a gentleman!' + +I stopped a moment: my conscience smote me. If I should mistake the +character of these gentlemen, thought I, my behaviour will appear +contemptible--'Do you mean to insult us?' said the gentleman of +Wales.--The captain once more saw my hand in my pocket: I caught +his eye; he winked to his companion and said, 'No, no; the young +gentleman knows better.'--'Yes,' answered I, instantly fired; 'I +know better than to give my money to sharpers'--'Sharpers!' retorted +one--'Sharpers!' re-echoed the other, and began mutually to hustle +me--My valour was roused: I faced about, with the first blow laid the +gentleman of Wales sprawling, and with the second made the captain's +eyes strike fire. The attack was infinitely more vigorous and powerful +than they could have expected. The Welsh gentleman shook his ears; +the captain clapped his white handkerchief to his eyes. They swore +a few oaths in concert, but neither of them seemed desirous to +continue the combat. Such an attack from a stripling was quite out of +all calculation. If however I could guess their motives from their +manner, they were rather those of caution than of cowardice. Be that +as it will, I could better deal out hard blows than utter coarse +expressions, and I left them with a look of contempt. + +Entering the dinner room, I found the young lady and told her the +story. She was all astonishment! Could not believe her ears! Was never +so deceived in her life! Was immensely glad that she now knew her +company! She had seen them at Bath, and had imagined them to be, as +they professed themselves, gentlemen: but people do not know who and +who are together at such public places! She was sorry to ride in the +same carriage with them; but dine with them she would not. I asked if +I might be permitted that honour; and she readily replied, 'Certainly, +Sir: you are a gentleman.' + +Proud to be thus distinguished, after dinner, I insisted on paying the +bill, and she still more strenuously insisted I should not. She pulled +out her purse, which seemed well filled, and put down her quota, which +no entreaties could prevail on her to take back. It was her rule. + +The horses being ready, we were summoned to our seats, which we took +in pairs: the gentleman of Wales and the captain sitting in sullen +silence, and the young lady not deigning to address a word to them. + +At night we again paired off, and I was admitted to be her companion +at supper; she continuing to treat me, since their detection, with a +marked partiality. + +Supper being over and the lady, unfortunately as she said for her, +being to travel the Cirencester road with those odious sharpers, I was +again exceedingly desirous to shew some trifling mark of respect, by +discharging the bill; which she again peremptorily refused to accept. +Unluckily however, going to draw her purse as before, she could not +find it!--'It was exceedingly strange!--Infinitely distressing! What +could have become of it? Thirty guineas were but a trifle, but to +lose them at such a moment was very tormenting!'--She felt again, +and having no better success her features assumed a very dismal and +tragical cast. + +None but a heart of stone could endure, unmoved, the anxiety and +distress of so kind, so amiable, and so lovely a creature. I took my +eleven guineas, my whole store except a few shillings, told her it was +all I had, but intreated she would not put me to the pain of refusing +the little supply I had to afford. + +She thanked me infinitely; recollected she had left her purse when +she retired after dinner to comb up her dishevelled hair, having +taken it out with the comb and totally forgotten it; repeated that +she was proceeding to London, for which a single guinea would perhaps +be sufficient; but unfortunately she was obliged to pass through +Cirencester, having a poor relation there, that was sick and in +absolute want, and to whom she had promised an immediate relief of ten +guineas, with an intention of further support. However she could not +think of accepting my offer: it had so strange an appearance! And +she would rather suffer any thing than forfeit the good opinion of +a gentleman: especially after having conversed with those good for +nothing men as if acquainted with them, but of whom she knew nothing, +and had therefore supposed no harm. + +The debate was long, and managed on both sides with almost equal +ardour. At length however I prevailed on her to take ten of the eleven +guineas; but not till she had given me a draft on her banker, Signed +Harriet Palmer, which she assured me would be honoured the instant it +should be presented. I took it to satisfy her scruples, but I had read +the old romances, and too well understood the gallantry due from a +gentleman to a lady, to think of putting it to the use she intended. +I lingered and knew not how to take leave; but the coach would only +allow her three hours repose, I therefore reluctantly bade her good +night, and we parted with mutual admiration; hoping for some fortunate +opportunity of renewing our acquaintance. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +_Morning thoughts: Conjectures and expectations. A specimen of Oxford +manners, being another new lesson_ + + +Left by myself on the morrow, and revolving in my mind the events of +the preceding day, I had occasional doubts, which had I suffered them +to prevail, would have been exceedingly mortifying. The young lady +was certainly a beautiful lady: was modest too, and well bred. I had +seen nothing to impeach her virtue: on the contrary, it had been the +principal topic of our discourse. 'Tis true I had, as became me, +been too respectful to put her chastity to any proof. I was not so +discourteous a knight. + +But then, that she should have been so intimate as she appeared to be +with those gentlemen sharpers, that she should be going the same road, +that she should lose her purse in so odd a manner, and that she should +accept my ten guineas, were circumstances that dwelt irksomely upon +my mind. Yet it was totally improbable that so sweet a young creature +should be trammeled in vice. What! be the companion of such men, +relate a string of falsehoods, give a forged draft on a banker, and +even shed tears at distress which, if it were not real, was a most +base and odious artifice? That she could act so cunning and so vile +a part, and I not detect her, was wholly incredible. I was very +unwilling to imagine I could be so imposed upon, so duped. _A raw +traveller_? If so, raw indeed! Of all suppositions, that was the most +humiliating. I endeavoured but in vain to banish suspicion. In fine, +whatever might be the cause, which I could not very well develope, I +found the soliloquies of the morning by no means so fascinating as the +visions of the preceding evening. + +Wearied of this subject, I turned my thoughts into a new channel, and +endeavoured to conjecture what Oxford was, and what kind of people +were its inhabitants. I had heard it described, and remembered the +leading features; its expansive streets, aspiring turrets, noble +buildings, and delightful walks. The picture rose to magnificence; but +the wisdom learning and virtue of its sages, and their pupils, were +still more sublime. High minded and noble youths, thirsting after +knowledge, assembled under the auspices of philosophers whose science +was profound, and whose morals were pure. The whole fabric rising +in beautiful order: under-graduates, bachelors, masters, doctors, +professors, presidents, heads of colleges, high stewards, and +chancellors, each excelling the other in worth as in dignity! Their +manners engaging, their actions unblemished, and their lives spent +in the delightful regions of learning and truth. It must be the city +of angels, and I was hastening to reside among the blest! A band of +seers, living in fraternity, governed by one universal spirit of +benevolence, harmonized by one vibrating system of goodness celestial! +Among such beings evil and foolish men could find no admittance, for +they could find no society. + +Theology too would here be seen in all her splendour; active energetic +and consolatory; not disturbed by doubt, not disgraced by acrimony, +not slumbering in sloth, not bloated with pride, not dogmatical, not +intolerant, not rancorous, not persecuting, not inquisitorial; but +diffusing her mild yet clear and penetrating beams through the soul, +where all could not but be light and life and love!--Oh Oxford, said +I, thou art the seat of the muses, thou art the nurse of wisdom, thou +art the mother of virtue!--I own my expectations were high. + +My reveries concerning my old companion, Hector, were in the same +tone. I had heard that he had often been down at Mowbray Hall, during +vacation time; but the mutual interdiction of our families had +prevented our meeting. He cannot but be greatly altered, said I. It is +impossible he should have remained so long in this noble seminary, and +continue the same selfish, sensual, and half-brutal Hector Mowbray, +whom formerly I knew. I regretted our quarrel: he might now have +become an agreeable companion, perhaps a friend. Olivia, too?--She +had a sister's partiality for him before; she might now love him +infinitely, and justly. + +While I sat ruminating, the coach continued rolling onward over hill +and dale, passing house, hedge row and heath, till the towers and +turrets of Oxford came in view. My heart bounded at the sight, and +active fancy industriously continued her fictions. We entered the city +and drove clattering along to one of the principal inns. + +The moment the coachman pulled up, I stepped out of the carriage and +into the street. It was the eve of a new term; the gownsmen were +swarming, carriages and horsemen post haste were arriving, the bells +were ringing, waiters and footmen were hurrying to and fro, and all +was dazzle, all was life. Eager to mingle in the scene, I walked up +and down the high street, saw college after college, hall after hall, +and church after church. The arches the pillars the quadrangles rose +in incessant and astonishing succession. My eyes turned from building +to building, gazing with avidity, adding wonder to wonder, and filling +the mind with rapture. 'It is all that I had imagined,' said I, 'and +much much more! Happy city, happy people, and happy I, that am come to +be one among you! Now and now only I begin to live.' + +Fearful of bewildering myself in this fairy land, I turned back to the +inn, but continued gazing with new amazement at every step. Just as I +came to the gate, I heard the galloping of horses behind me, looked +round, and there most unexpectedly saw Hector Mowbray, pulling up his +horse, with two livery servants, three grey-hounds, and a brace of +pointers at his heels! He had new boots, buckskin breeches, a buff +waist-coat, a scarlet coat with a green collar, and a gold button +and loop, tassel, and hat-band. I was within a yard of him when he +alighted. 'Bless me,' said I, 'Mr. Mowbray?'--'G---- d---- my blood! +Trevor! Is it you?' + +The apostrophe startled me. + +Hector gave three loud cracks with his whip, whistled his dogs, and +with a Stentor voice called after one of his servants--'Why holloa! +You blind blood of a w----! Why Sam! G---- shiver your soul, what are +you about? Uncouple Jerry Sneak and Jowler, and give limping Jenny's +ear a 'nointing--D---- my body, Trevor, I'm glad to see you! When did +you arrive? How did you come? In stile; a chaise and four; smoking the +road; raising a mist?'--I was ashamed of my stage-coach vehicle and +was silent.--'What, my buck, are you to be one of us?'--'I am'--'D---- +my b---- that's right--Jack Singleton! Jack! G---- blunder your body! +Why don't you answer, you shamble shanked beggar's baby? Go to the +Bursar, and tell him to send supper for six and claret for sixteen; +served up to a minute. Do you hear?--D---- my body, I'm glad to see +you! We'll make a night ont! What, are you come to enter at our +college?'--'Yes'--'D---- my soul, I'm glad ont! D----n me, our college +will be the go! D----n me, we are a rare string already! D----n me, we +shall beat them all hollow, D----n me, now you're come, d----n me: we +shall, d----n me!--Holloa! Sam! Run, you blood of a w----! yonder's +Lord Sad-dog turning the corner in his phæton, four in hand: scamper +away and tell him, d----n me, he must sup with me to night. Tell him +by G---- he must; he and the jolly dog his tutor. Tell him we have +a new comer, a friend, a freshman, piping hot, d----n me, from our +village; and that we must make him free of Oxford to night, d----n me. +Do you hear?' + +Astound, breathless, thunder-struck, at this intolerable profaneness, +I stood like an idiot, unable to speak or think. Hector took hold +of my arm and dragged me along. I obeyed, for I was insensible, +soul-less; and even when the return of thought came, it was all +confusion. Was this Oxford? Were these its manners? Were such its +inhabitants? Oaths twenty in a breath, unmeaning vulgar oaths; +ribaldry, such as till that hour I had never heard! + +What could I do? I was a stranger. Were they all equally depraved, and +equally contemptible?--That, said I to myself, is what I wish to know, +and I suffered him to lead me wherever he pleased. + +He took me to inns coffee-houses and halls, to call on one companion +and _beat up_ for another. I saw the buildings; the architecture +doubtless was the same, but the scene was changed! The beauties of +Oxford were vanished! I was awakened from the most delightful of +dreams to a disgusting reality, and would have given kingdoms to have +once more renewed my trance. The friends of Hector, though not all +of them his equals in turbulence profaneness and folly, were of the +same school. Their language, though less coarse, was equally insipid. +Their manners, when not so obtrusive, were more bald. They all cursed +blustered and behaved with insolence in proportion to the money +they spent, or the time they had been at the university. The chief +difference was that those who were less rich and less hardened than he +had less spirit: that is, had less noise, nonsense and swagger. But, +though the scene was not what I expected, it was new, and in a certain +sense enlivening, and my flowing spirits were soon at their accustomed +height. + +The president had been written to and I was expected at college, +where, when we came and my arrival was announced, I found an apartment +prepared for my reception. Passing through the common room, I saw a +face which I thought I recollected. 'Is not that Turl?' said I to +Hector--'Pshaw, d----n me, take no notice of such a _raff_,' replied +he, and stalked away. I was too ignorant of college cant, at that +time, to know that _raff_ was the term of contempt for poverty. + +As we passed through the quadrangle, the president, entering the gate, +saw Hector in his scarlet green and gold, and without his gown and +cap, and beckoned to him. Hector, to evade as I afterward learned +what he expected, introduced me. The president eyed me for a moment, +received me graciously, and desired me to call on him in the morning. +He then asked Mowbray why he left his chamber in that dress, and +without his gown? Hector answered he had only arrived the day before, +had been to take a ride, and had mislaid his cap, which was not to be +found; but he had a new one coming home in the morning. The president, +after saying--'Well, Sir, I request I may not meet you in this +manner again,' passed on. The story of the cap mislaid was a direct +falsehood: the old and new cap were both in his chamber, for he had +been trying them on and asking me which looked the best. Hector winked +his eye, lolled his tongue, and said to me--'That's the way, d----n +me, to hum the old ones.' + +Supper time presently came, and Hector and his companions were +assembled. Beside Lord Sad-dog and his tutor, there was a senior +fellow, and a master of arts, all of our college and all of them the +prime bucks of the place. My late high expectations of learning and +virtue were entirely forgotten. There was novelty in every word they +uttered; and I listened to their conversation with the most attentive +ardour. Nor did I feel astonishment to hear that dogs, horses, +gluttony, drunkenness, and debauchery were the grand blessings of +life: Hector had prepared me to hear any thing with but little +surprise. The Lord and the Squire gloried in braving and breaking the +statutes of the college and the university; the tutor, fellow, and +master of arts in eluding them. The history they gave of themselves +was, that the former could ride, drive, swear, kick scoundrels, bilk +prostitutes, commit adultery, and breed riots: the latter could cant, +lie, act the hypocrite, hum the proctors, and protect their companions +in debauchery: in gluttony drunkenness and libidinous thoughts they +were all avowed rivals. + +Hector descending to trifling vices, vaunted of having been five +times in one week _imposed_ (that is, reprimanded by set tasks) +for having neglected lectures and prayers, and worn scarlet, green +and gold; while the more heroic Lord Sad-dog told how he had been +twice privately _rusticated_, for an amour with the bar-maid of a +coffee-house whom he dared the vice-chancellor himself to banish +the city. Fearful of being surpassed, they exaggerated their own +wickedness and often imputed crimes to themselves which they had +neither the opportunity nor the courage to commit. + +That I might appear worthy of the choice group among whom I was +admitted, Hector, by relating in a distorted manner things that had +happened, but attributing to me such motives as he imagined he should +have been actuated by had he been the agent, told various falsehoods +of my exploits. I had too great a mixture of sheepishness and vanity +to contradict him in such honourable society, and therefore accepted +praise at which I ought to have blushed. + +During supper, while they were all gormandizing and encouraging me to +do the same, his lordship, addressing his tutor, asked--'D----n me, +Jack, can you tell me why it was I took you into my pay? What the +d--mn--t----n are you good for?'--'Tell you? To be sure I can! You +will not pretend that, when you first came under my tuition, you +were the man you now are? Who taught you to laugh at doctors, bully +proctors, stare the vice chancellor out of countenance, and parade the +streets of a Sunday in sermon time but I?'--'You!'--'Yes! I!'--'D----n +my body, well said, Jack!' roared Hector. 'D----n me you are a good +one! Go it! Keep it up! D----n me go it!' The tutor continued--' + +Of whom did you learn to scout the gownsmen, cudgel the townsmen, kiss +their wives, frighten their daughters, and debauch their maids but I? +You were a mere tyro when I took you in hand; you did not so much as +know how to throw in a knock down blow!'--'Why you lying son of a +----' + +I must not repeat his lordship's reply, or the continuation of the +dialogue; it was too gross to be read or written. I only intend +the above as a short specimen of what lords' private tutors at +universities sometimes are, and of the learning which their pupils +sometimes acquire. + +While at supper, I was continually plied to drink; each pledging me in +turn; their intention being, as Hector had declared, to make me free: +that is, as drunk as possible. I had not the courage to incur their +ridicule by refusing my glass. Beside my spirits were raised, and my +appetite, which travelling had increased, was good. My constitution +too was strong; for it had been confirmed by exercise and a cheerful +mind, and never injured by excess. For these reasons I stood their +attacks far beyond their expectation, and my manhood received no +little applause. + +The night advanced, and they grew riotous. The lord and his tutor were +for _sporting the door of a glum_: that is, breaking into the chamber +of a gownsman who loves study. Hector vociferously seconded the +motion, but the fellow and the master of arts cunningly endeavoured to +keep them quiet, first by persuasion, and, when that was ineffectual, +by affirming the students they proposed to attack _sported oak_: in +plain English, barred up their doors. Had they been without the walls +of the college, there would have been a riot; but, having no other +ventilator for their magnanimity, they fell with redoubled fury to +drinking, and the jolly tutor proposed a rummer round--'D----n me,' +said Hector, 'that's a famous thought! But you are a famous deep one, +d----n me!' + +The rummers were seized, the wine poured out, and his lordship began +with--'D--mn--t----n to the flincher.' Who should that be? I, +the freshman? Oh, no! For that night, I was too far gone in good +fellowship. + +This was the finishing blow to three of us. Hector fell on the floor; +his lordship sunk in his chair; and I, after a hurrah and a hiccup, +began to _cast the cat_: an Oxford phrase for what usually happens to +a man after taking an emetic. Happily I had not far to go, and the +fellow and the master of arts had just sense enough left to help me +to my chamber, where at day light next morning I found myself, on the +hearth, with my head resting against the fender, the pain of which +awakened me. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + +_Morning reflections: The advice of a youth and the caution of a grave +senior: Another rencontre_ + + +Discovering myself in this condition, recollecting the scene in +which I had so lately been an actor, and feeling my stomach and head +disordered and my whole frame burning with the debauch, looking round +too and seeing myself in a room where every object reminded me that +I was a stranger, and that the eyes of many strangers were upon me +and my conduct, I found but little cause of satisfaction, either in +myself, the acquaintance I had made, or the place to which I had come. + +The more I reflected the more was my mind disturbed. I walked +about the chamber unable to rid myself either of my sickly qualms, +the feverish distemper of my blood, or the still more fevered +distemperature of my mind. It was a violent but I suspect it was a +useful lesson. After a while, cold water, washing, cleaning, and +shifting my dress, gave me a little relief. + +The air I thought would be refreshing; but, as I opened the door to +descend the stairs, Turl was passing, and very kindly inquired after +my health, said he was happy to see me, and asked if I were come to +enter myself at the college. Neglecting, or rather at that moment +despising, Hector and his caution, I answered in the same tone and +invited him into my room. + +Too much ashamed to avow the debauch of which I had been guilty, or +the painful feelings that were the result, I endeavoured by questions +to gain the information which might best appease my roused curiosity. +'I am but just arrived,' said I: 'will you be kind enough to give me +such intelligence as may aid me to regulate my conduct? What I have +hitherto seen has rather surprized and even disappointed me. I hoped +for perfection which I begin to doubt I shall not find. What are the +manners of the place?'--'Such as must be expected from a multitude of +youths, who are ashamed to be thought boys, and who do not know how +to behave like men.'--'But are there not people appointed to teach +them?--'No.'--'What is the office of the proctors, heads of houses, +deans, and other superintendants, of whom I have heard?'--'To watch +and regulate the tufts of caps, the tying of bands, the stuff and +tassels of which gowns are made: to reprimand those who wear red, +or green, and to take care that the gownsmen assemble, at proper +hours, to hear prayers gabbled over as fast as tongue can give them +utterance, or lectures at which both reader and hearers fall asleep.' +'What are the public rewards for proficiency in learning?'--'Few, or +in reality none.'--'Beside numerous offices, are not exhibitions, +fellowships, professors' chairs, and presentations bestowed?'--'Yes, +on those who have municipal or political influence; or who by +servility and effrontery can court patronage.'--'Surely you have some +men of worth and genius, who meet their due reward?'--'Few; very few, +indeed. Sloth, inanity, and bloated pride are here too often the +characteristics of office. Fastidiousness is virtue, and to keep the +poor and unprotected in awe a duty. The rich indeed are indulged in +all the licentious liberties they can desire.'--'Why do so many young +men of family resort hither?'--'Some to get what is to be given away; +others are sent by their parents, who imagine the place to be the +reverse of what it is; and a third set, intended for the church, are +obliged to go to a university before they can be admitted into holy +orders.'--'That rule I have heard is not absolute.'--'It is supposed +here to be little less.'--'Then you would not advise a young person +to come to this city to complete his education?'--'If he possess +extraordinary fortitude and virtue, yes: if not, I would have him +avoid Oxford as he would contagion.'--'What are its advantages, to the +former?'--'Leisure, books, and learned men; and the last benefit would +be the greatest, were it not publicly discountenanced by the arrogant +distance which both the statutes of the university and the practice of +the graduates and dignitaries prescribe. In my opinion, it has another +paradoxical kind of advantage: to a mind properly prepared, the very +vice of the place, by shewing how hateful it is, must be healthful. +Insolence, haughtiness, sloth, and sensuality, daily exhibited, if +truly seen, cannot but excite contempt.'--'You seem to have profited +by the lesson.'--'Oh! there is but little merit in my forbearance. +I am poor, and have not the means. I am a servitor and despised, or +overlooked. Those are most exposed to danger who have most money +and most credit; I have neither.' Charmed with his candour, our +conversation continued: he directed me in the college modes, and +I sent to the Bursar, and prevailed on Turl to breakfast with me. +I understood that he had obtained an exhibition, but that, having +expressed his thoughts too freely on certain speculative points, he +had incurred the disapprobation of his seniors, who considered it as +exceedingly impertinent in any man to differ with them in opinion, and +especially in such a youth. + +It was now time I should visit the president, and we parted. This +college magistrate had formerly been acquainted with my grandfather, +and I had strong recommendations to him from my native village: he +therefore laid aside much of his dignity, and questioned me on various +subjects. He took but little notice of the reading and knowledge I +was ambitious to display, but gave me much advice and instruction, +concerning the college and university discipline, necessary to be +observed, which he very seriously admonished me not to neglect. + +I endeavoured to find what his opinion concerning Hector Mowbray was, +and the lord to whom I had been introduced; but this he evaded, with a +caution to me however not to indulge in any imprudent expence. + +I then mentioned the name of Turl, at which he seemed instantly +alarmed, and replied, 'he should be exceedingly sorry if Mr. Turl +were one of my acquaintance. He was a very dangerous young man, and +had dared not only to entertain but to make known some very heterodox +opinions. He had even proceeded so far as to declare himself an +anti-trinitarian, and should therefore certainly never receive his +countenance; neither he nor any of his connections. If he escaped +expulsion, he would assuredly never obtain his degrees.' I was too +orthodox myself not to be startled at this intelligence, and felt a +very severe pang that a young man, from whose conversation I had hoped +so much, should hold such reprobate doctrines. I had thought he would +prove both an instructive and pleasant companion, but I now positively +determined to shun his society. Of this I informed the president, and +he highly applauded my resolution. + +I then proceeded to the ceremony of entering myself of the college, +and took the oaths: that is, I subscribed to the thirty-nine articles, +took an oath of allegiance and supremacy, an oath to observe the +statutes of the university, and another to obey every thing that was +contained in a certain huge statute book of the college, brought +out on this occasion, which I never saw either before or since. To +this hour, what its contents were is a thing to me unknown. What is +still more strange, the very persons who oblige you to take these +statute-book oaths publickly confess that to obey most of them is +impossible. They relate to obsolete customs, the very means of +practising which are wanting. Some for example swear to have mass said +for the soul of the founder of the college; and others, though men of +good estates, swear themselves not worth five pounds per annum. Of +these particulars however I was ignorant, and the whole was hurried +over so much in the way of form, and without inquiry of any kind, +that it seemed like the mere dictate of good manners to do what I was +bidden. + +Warned by the information which Turl had communicated, and disgusted +by what I myself had seen and partaken of, I industriously for +sometime avoided Hector Mowbray, who as it happened was too much +engaged in his own pursuits to molest me. In about three weeks however +he came to me one morning, rallied me in his coarse way, asked if I +had entered myself of the glums, and insisted that I should go with +him and take a ride to Abingdon. The chaise would be ready in half an +hour, and he would introduce me to the finest girl in all England. +Thinking his language equivocal and suspecting his intentions, I +ventured to ask if she were a modest woman? He burst into a loud +laugh and exclaimed (I shall omit his oaths) 'Modest! to be sure! +as modest as any of her sex.' This did not satisfy me; I continued +to interrogate and he to laugh, but still swearing there was not a +modester woman in all England. A strong inclination to take exercise, +my own active curiosity, and the boisterous bawling and obstinacy of +Hector at length prevailed, and I yielded. I walked with him to the +inn, the chaise was ready, and we stepped into it and galloped away. + +As we were driving on, the image of the gentle Olivia rose to my +recollection. Instantly the thought struck me, 'If it should be! +Why not? Who else could it be? Oh, it must! Yes, yes!' I was soon +convinced it could be no other than Olivia! the dear the divine +Olivia! + +In less than forty minutes we were at Abingdon, and the postillion by +Hector's direction drove us on the back of the town till we came to a +neat newly painted house, at which he was ordered to stop. My heart +began to beat. Hector jumped out and thundered at the door. A female +threw up the sash, looked through the window, and instantly drew it +down again. Alas! it was not Olivia. + +There was some delay: the impatient Hector cursed and knocked again, +and in a little while the door was opened. + +Hector entered swearing, hurried up stairs, bad me follow him, dashed +open the door, and a young lady, _in a sky-blue riding-habit_, _with +embroidered button-holes, a nosegay in her bosom, and a purple cestus +round her waist--leaped into his arms_!--I stood in a trance! It was +she herself! That sweet lovely creature, who had lost her purse, given +a draft on her banker, and gone to relieve a poor sick relation at +Cirencester! It was the true and identical Harriet Palmer! She that +had been so attentive to me; had sugared my tea, suffered me to sup +in her company, and been so fearful lest I should be sick by riding +backward! The innocent soul, that had felt her delicacy so much +disturbed by the horse-godmother rudeness of the men-fellows!--'Bless +me!' said I. + +She had not time to attend to me. 'What the d--mn--t----n is +the matter?' said Hector. 'Why was not I let in? Who have you +here?'--'Here!' answered the sweet creature. 'How can you suppose I +have any body here?' + +There was a watch studded with diamonds lying on the sofa; it caught +the eye of Mowbray; he snatched it up, and with a volley of oaths +asked--'Whose watch is this?'--'Mine!' said Harriet. Hector looked +again. 'Yours? Set with diamonds? A man's gold chain? Here's the seal +of Lord Sad-dog! His arms engraved on it! I thought I saw one of his +fellows, as we turned the corner!' + +There was another door, to an inner chamber; to that Hector, with all +his force, applied his foot. A loud laugh was heard within, the door +opened, and out came Lord Sad-dog in _propria persona_. + +Miss Palmer, not knowing what better to do, joined his lordship in +the forced laugh. The surly Hector shewed every propensity to brutal +revenge, but had only the courage to bully; in which art the lord and +the lady soon shewed they were as great proficients as himself. + +As for the feelings of the blooming Harriet and me, they were +reciprocal; we were equally averse to acknowledge each other for +acquaintance. I did not wish to be proclaimed the dupe of a courtezan, +nor she to pay back the ten guineas, or be sued for a fraud. Hector +was in no humour to stay, and we soon returned to Oxford; I ruminating +and even laughing, now at myself, now at him; he in high dudgeon, and +finding his choler and his courage increase in proportion as he was +driven farther from danger. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + + +_Education still progressive: A widow's continence: Religious fervour: +A methodist sermon: Olivia in danger: Love dreams: Fanatic horrors: +Present disgrace, and honours delayed_ + + +During the short period of my absence from my native home, I had been +taught two additional and essential lessons: the first, that men are +not all as good as they might be; and the second, that I was not quite +so wise as I had supposed myself. Having once been duped, the thought +occurred that it was possible I might be duped again, and I thus +acquired some small degree of what is called worldly caution. At once +to display one vice and teach another, to expose fraud and inspire +suspicion, is, to an unadulterated mind, a severe and odious lesson; +and, when repeated too often, is in danger of inculcating a mistake +infinitely more pernicious than that of credulity; that is, a +conviction that man is depraved by nature, and a total forgetfulness +that he is merely the creature of habit and accident. + +Hitherto I had met disappointment; but I had found novelty; and though +it was not the novelty I expected, yet it was invigorating: it kept +me awake. The qualities for which I most valued myself no one indeed +seemed to notice. But the world was before me; I had seen but little +of it; my own feelings assured me genius and virtue had a real +existence, and sometime or another I should find them. + +Among consolatory thoughts, the most animating was the recollection +of what Turl had said, that, to the possessor of fortitude and +virtue, Oxford was a place where study might be most advantageously +prosecuted; and, aided by this cheering hope, I applied myself to +books with courage and assiduity. + +On the subject of reading however my mind had strong contentions with +itself: poetry, and the _belles lettres_, Homer, Horace, Virgil, +Shakespeare, Spenser, Milton, Dryden, Tasso, Ariosto, Racine, Molière, +Congreve, with a long and countless _et cætera_, were continually +tempting me to quit the barren pursuits of divinity and law, for +the study of which I had come to Oxford. Yet a sense of duty so far +prevailed that I went through a course of the fathers, pored over +the canonists, and made many resolute attacks upon the schoolmen. +Not only Aristotle but his doctors, the irrefragable, the angelic +or eagle-eyed, the subtile, the illuminated, and many more had +their peaceful folios vainly disturbed by my researches, and +my determination to understand what, alas, in its essence was +unintelligible. + +In the very beginning as it were of these labours an event took place, +which gave a very serious aspect to my future fortunes, though, except +the first emotions of regret chagrin and surprise at my mother's +conduct, no present uneasiness to me. In despite of his law-suits, +my grandfather had left considerable property; which it was supposed +would descend to me. It had indeed the disadvantage of being left +under the executorship of a lawyer, who represented it to be in a +very involved and disorderly state: for, with respect to my mother, +though she had immediate possession, she declared that, agreeably +to the intention of the rector, her own subsistence excepted, she +held it only for my use. Thus, in several of her letters, she had +affectionately pressed me not to deprive myself of what was necessary +to my situation, to the appearance of a gentleman, or to the support +of the family character. + +For the first two months we punctually wrote to each other once a +week. 'My dear dear Hugh' was the first phrase in all her letters; +and 'my kind and good mother' in mine: every maternal anxiety was +expressed by her, and by me every return of filial affection and duty. + +At length a week came in which I received no letter. I was alarmed, +wrote to express my fears, and in a few days was answered, by the +lawyer, that my mother was in good health, but was from home on a +visit. + +A month longer passed away in silence, at the end of which I wrote to +my mother, expressing my feelings and fears, and requesting an answer +under her own hand; otherwise I should come myself to see what was the +matter. + +The answer arrived, I hastily opened it, and began to read. It was no +longer prefaced with 'my dear dear Hugh:' It was what follows. + +'Dear Son, + +'You seem impatient to hear from me, and so I sit down to write you +an account of something that has happened, which perhaps you will +think well of; I hope you will; I am sure you have no reason to think +otherwise; though, when one does things all for the best, one is not +always best thought of. But I dare say you will not think ill of your +mother, for that would not be dutiful, nor at all agreeable to what +your poor dear grandfather always taught. Nobody can suppose that I am +not come to years of discretion; and you very well know I have always +been a good and tender mother to you; and so I always shall be; and I +am sure you will not think hardly and improperly of my conduct in any +way, for that would be very unkind and unbecoming; and, if I have done +all for the best, to be hardly thought of afterwards would be very +improper indeed. Mr. Thornby [the lawyer] is a very prudent man, and +so I have acted by his advice, which you may well think cannot be +wrong; and his nephew, Mr. Wakefield, is a gentleman that nobody need +be ashamed of owning; and so, since you must be told, you may as well +be told at first as at last--I am married; which I hope and expect you +will think was a very prudent thing. I am sure when you come to know +Mr. Wakefield you will like him prodigiously. He sends his kind +blessing to you, and so I remain your ever loving mother + +JANE WAKEFIELD.' + +Little as I was attached to personal interest or fearful of being left +without a provision, I own this letter electrified me. Was this the +tone of affection? Had it vanished so instantly? After such strong and +reiterated professions for my sake never to have a second husband, not +only to marry but to cool intirely toward me, and to be only anxious, +in a poor selfish circumlocutory apology, for a conduct which she +herself felt to be highly reprehensible! + +The lawyer too! His nephew? Not satisfied with the executorship, he +had engulphed the whole in his family, the stipend of a hundred a year +while I remained at college, and a thousand pounds for the purchase +of an advowson when I should leave it, excepted. I wondered, on +reflection, that he should even have advised the rector to this: but +it was by affecting disinterestedness that he could most effectually +secure the remainder. + +But the pain these thoughts occasioned was neither debilitating nor +durable. My sanguine self-confidence, though sometimes apalled, has +all my life prevented me from being subject to fits of permanent +chagrin, or melancholy. The recollection of my mother's passionate +promises, the shortness of the time, the suddenness of the change, +the family into which she had married, and the instability of a woman +that was my mother, drew a few sighs from me, and in these my gloom +evaporated. I returned cheerfully to my books and determined to visit +home no more, but while a student to make Oxford my home, and not +incur the frequently well-merited reproach of being a _term-trotter_. + +As for my companion, Hector, whatever the intentions of the Squire his +father might be, he considered Oxford only as a place of dissipation, +and loved it for nothing but because he was here first let entirely +loose, and here first found comrades that were worthy to be his peers. +Most of his time was now spent in London, or in parties such as +himself and his intimates planned. I suffered little interruption from +him: he now and then indeed gave me an indolent call; but, as there +was no parity of pursuit, nor unity of sentiment between us, there +could be but little intercourse. + +Little farther remarkable happened during the three years and ten +months of my residence in this city, except the incident that +occasioned my removal. By being a constant spectator of the debauchery +of the young, and the sensuality of the old, I conceived an increasing +dislike of their manners, and sought the company of a few secluded +young men, who like myself were severe students. Toward the close +of this period I became acquainted with some who were tinged with +methodism; and, by frequently listening to their conversation, my +thoughts were turned into the same channel. The want of zeal in prayer +and every part of religious duty, the tedious and dull sermons heard +in the churches, and what methodists call preaching themselves and not +their Saviour, were the frequent topics of our animadversion. + +This was a doctrine most aptly calculated to inflame an imagination +like mine, which was ardent and enthusiastic. Beside it relieved me +from a multitude of labours and cares, for, as I proceeded, Thomas +Aquinas and his subtilizing competitors were thrown by in contempt. I +had learned divinity by inspiration, and soon believed myself fit for +a reformer. The philosopher Aristotle with his dialectics and sophisms +were exchanged, for those of the philosopher Saint Paul; from whom +I learnt that he who had saving faith had every thing, and that he +who wanted it was naked of all excellence as the new born babe. This +nakedness I had discovered in myself, and in the language of the sect +was immediately clothed in the righteousness of Christ Jesus! I, in +common with my methodistical brethren, was chosen of the elect! My +name was inscribed in the book of life never to be erased! My sins +were washed away! Satan had no power over me; and to myself and my +new fraternity I applied the text, that 'the gates of hell could not +prevail against us!' + +To these mysteries, which all the initiated allow are suddenly +unfolded, descending like lightening by the inspiration of the spirit +and illuminating the darkened soul, to these mysteries no man perhaps +was ever a more sudden or a more combustible kind of convert than +myself. I beamed with gospel light; it shone through me. I was the +beacon of this latter age: a comet, sent to warn the wicked. I mean, I +was all this in my own imagination, which swelled and mounted to the +very acme of fanaticism. + +Under the impulse of these wild dreams, in which my soul delighted, I +was sometimes tempted to rise up a prophet, preach salvation to the +poor, and confound the wise. Persecution I must expect, but in that I +should glory: it was the badge of blessedness, the mark of election, +the signing of the covenant. Elevated to these celestial heights, with +what contempt did I look down on the doctors, proctors, and preachers +of Baal (for such were all the unenlightened) and on their dignities, +paraphernalia, and many coloured robes. What were these but the types +of Babylon? the ensigns of the scarlet whore? the purple tokens of the +beast? In the most extravagant eccentricities of mind it is remarkable +what a mixture there is of truth and falsehood, and how nearly and +frequently they approach each other. + +During the height of this paroxysm, a famous gospel preacher, a divine +man, on his way from Shropshire to London, came to hold forth in the +vicinity of Oxford: not in churches, they were shut upon him, but in +the fields; not to the rich, not to the worldy wise, not to the self +righteous, they were deaf, but to the poor in spirit, to the polluted, +the hardened reprobate, who wished by faith and repentance, though +dyed in sin like scarlet, to be washed white as wool. To hear this +teacher of the word, who set up his stool near a village on the Witney +road, I repaired: I and many a moaning old woman beside; watchful, +with our chorus of amen and our sobs and groans at every divine +ejaculation, to aid the heaving motions of the spirit, and take heaven +by storm. + +The elect were assembled, and with them a greater number of the +unconverted; heads were uncovered, a hymn was sung, and a long +extempore string of intercessions, praying that the Lord would lay +bare his arm and strike the guilty with terror; that Christ crucified +would be among them; that they might be washed in the blood of the +immaculate lamb; and that the holy spirit would breathe the God-man +Jesus into all hearts, with many more absurdities, was uttered. + +The preacher then took his text, and chose for his subject the casting +of the buyers and sellers out of the temple. This was an opportunity +not to be lost by me. A gospel minister was indeed a _rara avis_, at +Oxford. I therefore took out my utensils and very industriously wrote +notes, that the divine breathings of the man of God might not be lost +upon me.--'Buyers and sellers,' said he, 'you must be cast out! The +tables of the money changers must be overthrown; you have defiled +the temple of the Saviour! In what do you trade? In vanity. In gold, +silver, iron, brass, houses, corn, cattle, goods, and chattels. But +gold and silver may be stolen; iron will rust; brass will break; +cattle will die; corn will mildew; houses will burn; they will tumble +about your ears! Repent, or you will quickly bring an old house over +your heads! Your goods and chattels will but kindle the fire in which +you are to burn everlastingly! What are your occupations? Why, to +hoard, and sell your souls for gain, that your heirs may squander and +buy a hot place in hell! I am not one of your fashionable fine spoken +mealy mouthed preachers: I tell you the plain truth. What are your +pastimes? Cards and dice, fiddling and dancing, guzzling and guttling! +Can you be saved by dice? No! Will the four knaves give you a passport +to heaven? No! Can you fiddle yourself into a good birth among the +sheep? No! You are goats, and goat like you may dance yourselves to +damnation! You may guzzle wine here, but you shall want a drop of +water to cool your tongue hereafter! You may guttle, while righteous +Lazarus is lying at your gate. But wait a little! He shall soon lie in +Abraham's bosom, while you shall roast on the devil's great gridiron, +and be seasoned just to his tooth!--Will the prophets say, "Come here +gamester, and teach us the long odds?"--'Tis odds if they do!--Will +the martyrs rant, and swear, and shuffle, and cut with you? No! The +martyrs are no shufflers! You will be cut so as you little expect: you +are a field of tares, and Lucifer is your head farmer. He will come +with his reapers and his sickles and his forks, and you will be cut +down and bound and pitched and carted and housed in hell. I will not +oil my lips with lies to please you: I tell you the plain truth: you +will go to hell! Ammon and Mammon and Moloch are head stoakers; they +are making Bethhoron hot for you! Prophane wretches, you daily wrangle +and brawl and tell one another--"I will see you damned first!"--But I +tell you the day will come when you will pray to Beelzebub to let you +escape his clutches! And what will be his answer?--"I will see you +damned first!'" + +To this rhapsody of strange but impressive vulgar eloquence I +listened, with rapture, for nearly an hour; selecting and noting +down the passages that I thought most remarkable, many of which were +too extravagant, if repeated, to be believed. In the height of these +effusions, when the divine man was torturing his lungs to be heard by +the increasing croud, he on his stool, I seated uncapped in a cart by +his side, who should I see approach, in a phæton and pair, but Hector +Mowbray? And by his side--! Yes!--Olivia! The beauteous Olivia! no +longer a child, but tall, straight, perfectly formed; every limb in +the most captivating symmetry, every feature in the full bloom of +youth; intelligence in every look, grace in every motion, sweetness in +every smile! Attracted by curiosity, her brother arrested his course, +drew up, and placed the celestial vision full in view! + +Oh, frailty of the flesh! My new made garb of righteousness dropped +from my shoulders! The old Adam, that had been dead in me, again +revived; the workings of the spirit ceased; I gazed on an apparition +which was indeed heavenly, and forgot the apostles the prophets and +the martyrs! The preacher himself was heard no more; nor more would +have been heard, had he not with all the effrontery of a fanatic +interrupted his discourse, to address himself personally to Hector +and Olivia, by which he excited sensations in me that were wholly +unexpected--'Jehu driveth furiously,' said he; 'but Jezebel was given +to the dogs! (My choler instantly began to rise) Sinners! drive not +so fast! The way is broad, and Tophet is gaping, where is weeping and +wailing and gnashing of teeth! You will be there, poor lost souls, +sooner than you expect! The way to heaven is narrow, much too narrow +for your large consciences; and, though the court is spacious, the +gate is too little for you to drive in with your coaches and six! No, +not even your vis a vis, nor your phætons neither, not so much as a +tumbril or a buggie can get past! But perhaps you think to ride up to +the gate, and there to cry, _peccavi_! and that then it will open, and +you will be admitted? But, no! no! I tell you, no! You shall never be +able to utter more than _pec, pec, pec_; and while with your mouths +open you are stammering and stuttering to get out _cavi_, Satan and +his blackguards shall come and peck you, even as crows peck carrion. +Yes, Jehu and Jezebel! Remember! I give you warning!' + +If I, one of the preacher's disciples, could scarcely refrain from +falling upon him for his insolence, what must the choleric and brutal +Hector feel, hearing himself repeatedly laughed at by the delighted +unmannerly mob, during this impudent harangue? He dropped the reins, +jumped from the phæton, sprang through the croud, and began to +horse-whip the inspired man in the most furious manner. + +And now an accident happened; which of all others that I can remember +gave me the most terror. Olivia sat alone In the phæton, the reins +were loose, and the fighting shouting and uproar of the divided mob +occasioned the horses to take fright They snorted, kicked, and set off +full speed; with the helpless Olivia screaming for aid! The moment +Hector left the carriage I saw what was likely to happen, leaped from +the cart where I sat, and flew like lightening after the frantic +animals. Few men were swifter of foot than I was, but they had the +start and were on the full gallop. The danger was imminent. On one +side of the road was a gravel pit, on the other the river, and before +them was a bridge, the walls of which were not breast high. A cart was +passing the bridge, and the mad horses, still on full speed, ran on +the wrong side, dashed the phæton against the cart, overturned it, and +threw Olivia over the wall into the river! + +The freshes had lately come down, and the stream was both deep and +strong. I was at the foot of the bridge when she fell; and when I +reached the place she was still above water, and had passed the arch +on the other side. I instantly stripped off my coat cap and gown, +sprang into the eddy, made a few strokes, and, as happy fortune would +have it, just caught her as she was sinking! + +Loaded with this precious burden, I had the strength of twenty men. +I stemmed the current and presently brought her into shallow water, +where I could find footing. I then bore her into the nearest house, +and every possible aid was immediately administered. + +While I was thus employed Hector arrived, his rage boiling over anew, +at his lamed horses and broken phæton; for his inquiries concerning +his sister were short, as soon as he understood that she was not +drowned. I paid as little attention to him as he did to her, and was +disturbed only by my fears lest the fright should be productive of +fever, or still worse consequences. + +Olivia had too much sincerity of heart, and too great a desire to +remove the anxiety of those around her, to be guilty of the least +affectation. She had received no injury, for the danger being over her +mind was too strong not to dispel her fears; and, after reposing an +hour and finding herself perfectly well, she insisted on coming down +and joining us at dinner. Her thanks to me in words were not profuse, +but they were emphatical. 'She was alive, and should never forget that +she owed that life to me.' This she three times repeated; once at +table, again in the post-chaise in which we returned to Oxford, and +once more when we took leave of each other in the evening. + +To me this day was indeed a day of tumult. Nothing perhaps more aptly +prepares the mind for the passion of love than religious enthusiasm. +The subject of my conversation with Olivia was chiefly a revival +of former times, which seemed to be remembered by us mutually with +glowing regret, as the happiest moments of our existence: times which +I inwardly dreaded might never return. + +Fanatical reveries excepted, this perhaps was the first desponding +thought I had known; at least it was the first I can distinctly +remember, and the pang that accompanied it was severe. Olivia was +so lovely, her form so enchanting, her manners so captivating, that +my eyes were riveted on her, my soul absorbed, and the faculty of +thinking arrested. Every look of her beaming eyes penetrated to the +heart, every motion of her moist coral lips gave exstacy, and every +variation of her features discovered new ineffable and angelic +beauties! + +Why did the hours fly? Why was the day so short? She had only passed +through Oxford in her way to London, and was to depart in the morning. +I would gladly have persuaded her to regard her health, and not expose +herself so soon after the fright; but in vain. She felt no malady, nor +would acknowledge any; and the selfish Hector was rather inclined to +hurry her off than invite her to stay. It was years since I had seen +her, and to be torn thus suddenly from bliss unutterable? Never had I +felt a pang like this before! + +In the evening, returned to my chamber and left in solitude, I sat +with my arms folded, disconsolate, motionless, and in a profound but +yet a most active trance. I remained thus for hours, ardently thinking +on Olivia, recollecting every incident of my past life in which she +had had the least part, placing all her divine perfections full in +view, and unable to detach my mind one moment from the beatific +vision. + +At length by accident, I cast my eye on two books, that lay on the +mantle-piece before me: Baxter's Call to the Unconverted, and the +History of Francis Spira: two of the most terrific productions, to +such a mind at such a moment, that ever the ravings of fanaticism sent +forth. The impulse was irresistible; I opened them, read, and all +the horrors of hell came upon me. I was a backslider! Perdition was +certain! All the torments that Baxter described were devouring me, and +my soul was sinking, like the soul of Francis Spira, into sulphureous +flames, there to howl and be eternally tormented by the malignant +mocks and mows of inexorable fiends! I have since suffered many evils, +or what are called evils, and have known misfortunes such as are +supposed to be of the severest kind; but, of all the nights of my +life, not one can equal this. I fell on my knees, and attempted to +pray, but imagined the ear of mercy shut, and that I beheld the wicked +one stand ready to seize and fly away with me! My teeth began to +gnash, as if by irresistible impulse; my hair stood on end, and large +drops of sweat fell from my face! The eternal damnation, of which I +had read and heard so much, seemed inevitable; till at last, in a +torrent of phrenzy which I had not the power to controul, I began to +blaspheme, believing myself to be already a fiend! + +It is by such horrible imagery that so many of the disciples of +methodism have become maniacs. + +My dereliction of intellect fortunately was but of short duration: +overpowered and exhausted, I at length sunk to sleep, my head leaning +on the bed and I kneeling by its side. How long I remained thus I +cannot tell, but I awoke in a shivering fit from a dream of terror, +and found myself in the dark. I hastily undressed myself, got into +bed, and shrunk beneath the bed clothes, as if escaping from Satan, +whom imagination once more placed at my elbow, in forms inexpressibly +horrid. + +The visions of the night had left too deep an impression not to be in +part revived in the morning. Thoughts however that had lately escaped +me were now called to recollection. I remembered having once believed +that God was the God of mercy; that for him to delight in the torture +of lost souls was impossible; and that I had even doubted of the +eternity of future torments. To this relief a more effectual one +was added: Olivia could not be forgotten, and my thoughts, by being +continually attracted and fixed on her, were relieved from despair, +which might otherwise have been fatal. + +A week passed away in such kind of convulsive meditations, my +attachment to methodism daily declining, and at last changing into +something like aversion and horror. At the end of this period, I was +sent for in the morning by the president. The incident was alarming! +I had broken no college rules, neglected no prayers, nor been guilty +of any indecorum. I foreboded that he had heard of my methodistical +excursion. The conjecture was true: he told me it was too publicly +known to be passed over in silence; that the character of the +university had greatly suffered by this kind of heresy; that the vice +chancellor, proctors, and heads of houses had been consulted, and that +the gentlest punishment they could inflict was rustication for two +terms. It would have been much more severe, he said, but for the +respect he bore to the memory of my grandfather; who had been a doctor +of the university, a worthy pillar of the church, and his good friend. + +Though I suspected my opinions, I was not so entirely convinced as +openly to renounce them, and I remained silent when he required me +to recant. But I requested him to tell me how the event had become +public? Not a gownsman was present, except Hector Mowbray; and surely +he was above the character of an informer? Especially, thought I, +in this instance! The president however was silent; I was suffered +to suppose what I pleased, and I left him with the sentence of +rustication confirmed, and my long expected academical honours +deferred. The only favour granted me was that the punishment should +not be made public. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + + +_Disappointment: More marriage accidents: Preparations for a journey_ + + +The delay of two terms was by no means pleasing to me. I had nearly +waited the stipulated time, had read _wall lectures_, and had _done +juraments_, and _generals_. Aristotle had been laid upon my head, and +I had been created a _Soph_. In fine, I had complied with all the +forms of the university; forms which once perhaps might have had a +meaning, but which are now offensively absurd. I expected the next +term to have obtained the degree of bachelor of arts, after which it +was my intention to have gone to London, there to have been ordained, +and to have sought a flock wanting a pastor, on whom the stores of my +theology and the powers of my elocution might have been well bestowed. + +Traversed in this design, I determined to repair to the great city +immediately, and return to keep my terms at Oxford when the period of +rustication should have elapsed. But I had been obliged to furnish +myself with books and music, and had found the hundred pounds a year +allowed me scarcely sufficient; and, beside the charges of travelling +and removal, I was informed that London was an expensive place. It +was therefore necessary I should write to the country, for a supply. +The correspondence with my mother, though not pursued with all the +zeal in which it was begun, had been occasionally continued. At first +her letters abounded with eulogiums on her husband, but the subject +afterward began to cool with her, and she had lately forborne even to +mention his name. In answer to the letters which I wrote, to inform +her and lawyer Thornby of my plan and to request a supply, a part of +the truth appeared. Her husband was a young man, who, coming sooner +into the possession of money than of good sense, had squandered as +much of it as he could wrest from his uncle, the lawyer, who affirmed +the whole or nearly the whole was wasted; and, when he could obtain +no more, had left her to depend on Thornby's bounty and had gone to +London. + +These disagreeable circumstances were in part communicated by my +mother and in part by Thornby, who had written to tell me that, if a +small advance were made, it must be deducted from the thousand pounds, +bequeathed as before mentioned. To this I willingly agreed, and, +giving him all the legal security he required, I received fifty +pounds; after which I made the necessary preparations for my intended +journey, and obtained letters of recommendation to a clergyman in +London, and to the Bishop of--to whom, when I should have taken my +bachelor's degree, I meant to apply for deacon's orders. + + +END OF VOLUME I + + + + +VOLUME II + + + +CHAPTER I + + +_Retrospect and character: Afore taste of futurity: Entrance to +London, or where does it begin? All alive: A civil gentleman: +Curiosity cooled_ + + +The period was now approaching in which I must fix on a profession for +life. My choice, as I imagined, was made. There was no place so worthy +of or so fit for the display of great talents as the pulpit. This +opinion I supposed to be too well founded for any possible arguments +to overturn, or even shake. I had heard much of theology from the +rector, but more at Oxford. To promote this branch of knowledge the +university was first established, and by it is still maintained; +consequently it is there the chief object of pursuit, and topic of +discourse. My hour of doubt was not yet arrived, and of the absolute +pre-eminence of the clerical office I was a bold and resolute +asserter. + +Nor had my ambition been wholly bounded by the desire of fame: I +was in expectation of my full share of those advantages which the +world thinks more substantial; though this was but a subordinate +consideration. Under all points of view, my constant source of hope +was in the energy of my own mind. Among the numerous examples which I +had seen, of men who had gained preferment, many by the sole influence +of personal interest, and many more by the industry of intriguing +vice, there were some who had attained that end by the exertion of +extraordinary talents and virtue. It is true they were but few, very +few; yet on them my attention had been constantly fixed. Them I was +determined to emulate, exert the same powers, rise by the same means, +and enjoy the same privileges. Every example of successful genius +delighted, animated me, and fired my glowing imagination. The +histories of great men even when persecuted and distressed, a Galileo, +a Dryden, or an Otway, did but excite my admiration and my envy. Let +me but equal them and I could willingly live with them in poverty and +imprisonment, or die with them of misery, malady, and famine. + +These were no transient feelings, but the daily emanations of desire. +From my infancy, the lessons and incidents of my life had rendered me +aspiring; and, however steep and rugged the rock might be described on +which the temple of fame stood, I was determined to ascend and enter. +I was possessed of that hilarity which, when not regulated by a strong +desire to obtain some particular purpose, shews itself in a thousand +extravagant forms, and is then called animal spirits; but, when thus +turned to the attainment of one great end, assumes the more worthy +appellation of activity of mind. + +It must be acknowledged I was but little aware how much I had to +learn, and unlearn, or of the opposition I should meet from my own +prejudices, as well as from those of the world. But dangers never +imagined are never feared, and my leading characteristic was the most +sanguine hope. Were all the dangers of life to present themselves to +the imagination in a body, drawn up in battle array, the prospect +would indeed be dreadful; but coming individually they are less +formidable, and successively as they occur are conquered. Foreboded, +their aspect is terrific; but seen in retrospect, they frequently +excite present satisfaction and future fortitude: and this is the way +in which they have most frequently been seen by me. + +Nor had my time been wholly consumed in gathering the sweets of +literature. I had long been exercising myself in writing, improving my +style, arranging my thoughts, and enabling myself to communicate the +knowledge I might amass. Of sermons I had written some dozens; and the +most arduous of the efforts of poetry had been attempted by me; from +the elegy to the epic poem, each had suffered my attacks. And, though +I myself was not so well satisfied with my performances as to complete +these daring labours, yet, I had so far familiarised myself to a +selection of words, and phrases, as to be able to compose with much +more facility than is usual at such an age. + +Possessed, as I was well persuaded, of no common portion of merit, it +was a cheering thought that I was now going to bring it immediately +to market; at least into view. London I understood to be the great +emporium, where talents if exhibited would soon find their true value, +and were in no danger of being long overlooked. To London, which was +constantly pouring its novelties, its discoveries, and its effusions +of genius over the kingdom, I was going. + +I did not, as at Oxford, expect to find its inhabitants all saints. +No: I had heard much of their vices. The subtle and ingenious arts, by +which they trick and prey upon each other, had been pictured to me as +highly dangerous; and of these arts, self confident as I was, I stood +in some awe. But fore warned, said I, fore armed: and that I was not +easily to be circumvented was still a part of my creed. + +Such were my qualities, character and expectations, when I entered +the carriage that conveyed me toward the great city. It was early +in the month of February, the days were short, and evening came on +as we reached Hounslow. Brentford I imagined to be London, and was +disappointed to find myself again driven out of town. The lighted +lamps and respectable buildings of Turnham Green made me conclude that +to be the place, or at least the beginning, which Hammersmith did but +confirm; and my surprise, at once more finding myself in a noble road, +still lighted with lamps and with only here and there a house, was +increased. + +At Kensington to me London actually began, and I thought myself +hurried nearly through it when the coach stopped at the Gloucester +Coffee-house, in Piccadilly. I had already for miles been driven +through streets, over stones, and never out of sight of houses, and +was astonished to be told that I was now only as it were at the +entrance of London. + +The quantity of carriages we had passed, the incessant clattering of +hoofs and rolling of wheels over the pavement, the general buzz +around me, the hurry and animation of the people, and the universal +illumination of streets, houses, and shops, excited ideas which were +new, unexpected, and almost confounding! Imagination conjured up a +mass that was all magnificence! The world till now had to me been +sleeping; here only men were alive! At Oxford indeed, owing to +circumstances, I had felt some similar emotions. But that was a +transient scene that quickly declined into stillness and calm: here I +was told it was everlastingly the same! The mind delighted to revel in +this abundance: it seemed an infinitude, where satiety, its most fatal +and hated enemy, could never come. + +I had questions innumerable to ask, and made fifty attempts to get +intelligence from the waiters, but in vain; they were too busy to +attend to me, and treated my interrogatories with impertinent neglect. +However, I was overflowing; talk I must, and I attacked various +persons, that were coming and going in the coffee-room. Still I could +get only short answers, and I wanted volumes. + +Thus disappointed, I went and stood at the door, that I might divine +as much as I could for myself: for though it was night, in London +there is scarcely such a thing as darkness. While I was standing +here, a gentleman of a more complaisant temper came up and fell into +conversation with me, answered my inquiries, and informed me the +king's palace was at no great distance. The king's palace was indeed a +tempting object, and he good-naturedly offered to walk and shew it me. +This very obliging proposal I readily accepted, and away we went. + +As we were going down St. James's-street, as I imagine, the thought +occurred 'If this gentleman now should be a sharper? He behaves with +great civility; it is very improbable; but who knows? Let him! There +is no trick he is master of shall prevail on me to part with the +little money I have in my pocket: of that I am determined.' + +Scarcely had the idea passed through my mind, before two men ran with +such violence against me that they threw me flat on the pavement, +and hurt me considerably. My companion and another immediately came +to help me up; and the moment I was on my legs my friend and guide +requested me to stay there half a minute; he would see that the watch +should soon secure the rascals; and off he ran, full speed. The other +kind gentleman followed his example. + +All this happened in an instant; and, while I was standing in a kind +of amazement, a passenger, who had seen the transaction at a distance, +came up and asked me--'Are you much bruised, Sir?'--'Not very +much.'--'Have you lost nothing?'--'Lost? [The question alarmed me] No: +I believe not!'--'Search your pockets.' + +Going to do as I was desired and putting my hands down, I found my +breeches pockets were both turned inside out, and emptied of their +contents. I stood speechless and motionless, while I was informed +that it was a common-place trick for gangs of pickpockets to throw +unwary passengers down with violence, pretend to pity and give them +aid, pick their pockets while helping them up, and then decamp with +all possible expedition. But said I, with great simplicity, to my +informer, 'Will not the gentleman come back?'--'What! The man who ran +off?'--'Yes.'--'Back! No, no: you will never see his face more, I +promise you, Sir; unless you will take the trouble to visit Newgate, +or attend the Old Bailey.' + +There was no remedy! I stared for a moment, looked foolish, and +returned toward the coffee-house; having taken care to mark the way +I went. On repeating this story afterward, I learned further that to +watch at inns and places where strangers arrive, and to play such +tricks as may best succeed with them, is a very frequent practice with +sharpers and pickpockets. My only consolation was the sum was small; +for I had been cautioned not to travel with much money about me, lest +we should meet robbers on the road; and the advice happened to be +serviceable. That I had not my watch in my pocket was another lucky +circumstance, or it would have disappeared. The fear of highwaymen had +induced me to pack it up in my trunk. As for my handkerchief, it was +gone, in the company of my purse. + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +_A journey in town: Good breeding and morality: A new order of +priests: A clerical character, or the art of pleasing: Episcopal +influence: More gazing: A strange adventure, and the first sight of a +play_ + + +As soon as I had breakfasted in the morning, my first care was to +change my dress, powder my hair, put my watch in my pocket, inquire +my way, and deliver my letters of recommendation. I thought it +most prudent to apply first to the clergyman, and take his advice +concerning the best manner of appearing before a bishop. + +My letters, for I had two, were addressed to the reverend Enoch +Ellis, Suffolk-Street, Middlesex Hospital. Which way I went I cannot +now tell, but I had so many sights to see, shops to examine, and +curiosities to admire, that, by the help of wandering perhaps a mile +or much more out of my road, I was at least two hours before I came to +my journey's end. + +I knocked at the door, and was told by the servant that his master +was not at home; but was asked if I had any message? I replied I had +letters, which I wished to deliver into his own hand. The reverend +Enoch, who as it appeared was listening through an aperture left +purposely at the parlour door, put his head out, like a turtle from +his shell, and desired the servant to shew the gentleman in; he would +be with him in a moment. This was another phenomenon in morals! A +clergyman suffer, nay encourage, or, as it must be, command, his +servant to tell a lie? It was inconceivable! I knew nothing of +fashionable manners, and that being denied to people whom you do not +wish to see, instead of being thought insolent or false, was the +general practice of the well bred. At that time I understood no single +point of good breeding: I had it all to learn! But indeed, so dull am +I on such topics, that, to this hour, how it can be a clergyman's or +any honest man's duty or interest to teach servants to lie is to me +incomprehensible. The difficulty, as I have found it, is to teach both +them and all classes of people to tell the truth. What the morality of +the practice is cannot be a serious question. + +Before I proceed with that part of my story in which the reverend +Enoch Ellis takes a share, it is necessary to remark that there has +sprung up in modern times a clerical order of men, very distinct in +manners and character from the subservient curate, or the lordly +parish priest. Houses in London have lately been built much faster +than churches. Yet, though the zeal of these times does not equal that +of ancient days, when our cities were divided into numerous small +parishes, when religion was the universal trade of mankind, and when +the temples of superstition reared their proud heads in every alley, +still men who know how to turn the penny have found it advantageous, +even in these days of infidelity, to build here and there a chapel, +and to let each of these chapels out to the best clerical bidder; who +in his turn uses all his influence to allure the neighbourhood to +hire, in retail, those bits and parcels, called pews, that, for the +gratification of pride, are measured off within the consecrated walls +which he has hired wholesale. In these undertakings, if the preacher +cannot make himself popular, it is at least his interest to make +himself pleasing. + +Of one of these chapels Enoch Ellis was the farmer general; and +this necessary endeavour to please had produced in him a remarkable +contrast of character. He was a little man, with thin legs and thighs +and a pot belly, but precisely upright: an archbishop could not +carry himself more erect: his chest projecting; his neck stiff; his +head thrown back; his eyes of the ferret kind, red, tender and much +uncovered by the eyelid; his nose flat on the bridge, and at the end +of the colour and form of a small round gingerbread nut, but with +little nostril; his lips thin; his teeth half black half yellow; his +ears large; his beard and whiskers sandy; his hair dark, but kept +in buckle, and powdered as white as a miller's hat; his complexion +sallow, and his countenance and general aspect jaundiced and mean. + +With these requisites, there was a continual struggle, between his +efforts to preserve his clerical solemnity and to make himself +agreeable. His formal manner of pursing up his face into smiles, for +this purpose, had produced a regular set of small wrinkles, folds, and +plies, that inevitably reminded those who were not accustomed to him +of the grinning of an ape; for he was so fearful of derogating from +his dignity that it was impossible for his smile to take the form of +meaning. + +After waiting about ten minutes this reverend little gentleman, such +as I have described, entered, assumed one of these agreeable solemn +smiles, and bowed; but instantly recovered his full stature; as if he +had been then measuring for a grenadier. + +I delivered my letters: one was from the tutor, and the other from a +regent master, who was one of the caput. He read them; and, as I was +desirous to gain friends in a city of strangers, I anxiously watched +his countenance; but I could not perceive that they produced any +remarkably favourable effect. Not but he assumed all his civility; was +vastly glad to hear his Oxford friends were in good health; should be +exceedingly happy to do any thing, that lay in his power, to serve a +gentleman of their recommendation. But the duties of his profession +were very laborious: they could not be neglected. His calls were +incessant: he had not a moment to himself. However, if I could point +out any way--that is--he should be prodigiously happy--prodigiously +indeed to give me any advice in his power. + +I was by no means satisfied with the pauses, hems, and ha's with which +he delivered these apologies. However, not knowing what better to do, +I mentioned that I had letters to the Bishop of ----, and should be +glad if he could tell me which was the properest hour and manner of +gaining access to deliver them. + +The mention of the bishop was electrical; it produced an immediate +and miraculous change in the countenance of the reverend Enoch Ellis. +The quantity of emphasis on his favourite epithet, prodigious, was +wonderfully increased. He was prodigiously glad to find I was so well +recommended! Was prodigiously happy to hear from his friends of ***** +college! Should take prodigious satisfaction in serving a gentleman in +whose behalf they had written! Nothing could give him such prodigious +pleasure! And, that I might be under no difficulty, if I would permit +him, he would first make the necessary inquiries, and then attend me +in person, to pay my respects to the right reverend dignitary. + +This relaxation in his manner flattered and pleased me. He now +perceived me to be somebody; my half-offended vanity was appeased, and +I accepted his offer with thanks. + +To add to these obligations, finding that I was but just come to town, +of which I was entirely ignorant, and that I wanted a lodging, he very +obligingly told me his servant should inquire in the neighbourhood, +and provide me one by the morrow. I endeavoured to make a suitable +return to this _prodigious_ increase of courtesy by a pedantical, but +in my then opinion classical, quotation: _Dii tibi_,--&c. Virgil will +tell the rest. + +These civilities being all acted and over, I bowed and took my leave, +appointing to call again the next morning; and he bowing in return, +and waiting on me to the door: I much better pleased with my reception +after the mention of the bishop than before; and he no less well +satisfied. + +I had now nothing to do for the rest of the day but indulge my +curiosity, which made very large and imperious demands on all my +senses. I walked from street to street, examined object after object, +tasted the tarts of the pastry cooks, listened to the barrel organs, +bells, tambours de basque, and cymbals of Savoyards, snuffed ten +thousand various odours, gazed at the inviting splendour of shop +windows innumerable, and with insatiable avidity gazed again! All +the delights of novelty and surprise thrilled and tingled through +my veins! It was a world of such inexhaustible abundance, wealth, +and prosperity as to exceed the wildest of the dreams of fancy! +Recollecting what my feelings then were, it seems almost surprizing +that I can walk through the same tempting world of wonders, at +present, scarcely conscious that such things have any existence. + +The sole draw-back I felt to these delights was the fear of sharpers, +and thieves; which, owing to my two unlucky adventures, of the lady +with the riding-habit and the obliging gentleman who took me to see +the king's palace, was so great that I never thought myself in safety. + +Under these impressions, I happened in the afternoon to stray +through Brydges-street, and saw a croud of people gathered round the +play-house doors, who on inquiry I found were waiting to get in. The +play bills were pasted in large letters, red and black, against the +walls. I read them, and their contents told me it was one of my most +favourite tragedies, Rowe's Fair Penitent, and that Mrs. Siddons was +to act. + +I had never yet seen a play in my life; for so licentious are the +manners and behaviour of the youth of Oxford, that the vice chancellor +dare not admit players into the city. This was an invitation to +enjoyment not to be resisted. I blessed my lucky stars, that had led +me by accident that way, and immediately took my stand among the +people who surrounded the pit door, and pressed forward to better my +situation as much as I could without ill manners. + +Here I waited with the hope of pleasure exciting me to patience I know +not how long, till the hour of opening the doors approached, about +which time the croud was frequently put in motion. I observed that the +people around me had several times appeared to be watchful of each +other, and presently I heard a voice proclaim aloud--'Take care of +your pockets!' + +My fears suddenly came upon me! I put my hand down to my fob, and +missed my watch! I eagerly looked round as well as I could, hemmed in +as I was, and fixed my eyes on!--astonishment!--on my conductor to +the palace! The blood mantled in my face. 'You have stolen my watch,' +said I. He could not immediately escape, and made no reply, but turned +pale, looked at me as if intreating silence and commiseration, and put +a watch into my hand. I felt a momentary compassion and he presently +made his retreat. + +His retiring did but increase the press of the croud, so that it was +impossible for me so much as to lift up my arm: I therefore continued, +as the safest way, to hold the watch in my hand. Soon afterward the +door opened, and I hurried it into my waistcoat pocket; for I was +obliged to make the best use of all my limbs, that I might not be +thrown down and trodden under foot. + +At length, after very uncommon struggles, I made my way to the money +door, paid, and entered the pit. After taking breath and gazing around +me, I sat down and inquired of my neighbours how soon the play would +begin? I was told in an hour. This new delay occasioned me to put my +hand in my pocket and take out my watch, which as I supposed had been +returned by the thief. But, good heavens! What was my surprize when, +in lieu of my own plain watch, in a green chagrin case, the one I was +now possessed of was set round with diamonds! And, instead of ordinary +steel and brass, its appendages were a weighty gold chain and seals! + +My astonishment was great beyond expression! I opened it to examine +the work, and found it was capped. I pressed upon the nut and it +immediately struck the hour: it was a repeater! + +Its value could not but be very great; yet I was far from satisfied +with the accident. It was no watch of mine; nor must I keep it, if the +owner could be found; of which there could be no doubt; and my own was +gone past all recovery. + +I could not let it rest. I surveyed it again, inspected every part +more minutely, and particularly examined the seals. My former +amazement was now increased ten fold! They were the very same arms, +the identical seals, of the watch on the sopha, that had betrayed the +lovely creature in the blue riding habit to Hector Mowbray! The watch +too was in every particular just such another; had a gold chain and +was studded with diamonds! It must be the property of his lordship. + +In vain did I rack invention to endeavour to account for so strange +an incident: my conjectures were all unsatisfactory, all improbable. +I looked round to see if I could discover his lordship in the house, +but without success: the numbers were so great that the people were +concealed behind each other. Beside it was long since I had seen his +lordship: perhaps his person was changed, as his title had been, by +the death of his father. He was now the Earl of Idford. My surmises +concerning this uncommon accident kept my mind in continual activity, +till the drawing up of the curtain; when they immediately ceded to +ideas of a much more captivating and irresistible kind. The delight +received by the youthful imagination, the first time of being present +at the representation of a play, is not I suspect to be equalled +by any other ever yet experienced, or invented. The propriety and +richness of the dresses, the deception and variety of the scenery, the +natural and energetic delivery of the actors, and the reality of every +incidental circumstance were so great as to excite incessant rapture! + +To describe the effects produced on me by Mrs. Siddons is wholly +impossible. Her bridal apathy of despair contrasted with the +tumultuous joy of her father, the mingled emotions of love for her +seducer, disdain of his baseness, and abhorrence partly of her own +guilt but still more of the tyranny and guilt of prejudice, and the +majesty of mind with which she trampled on the world's scorn, defied +danger, met death, and lamented little for herself, much for those +she had injured, excited emotions in me the remembrance of which ages +could not obliterate! + +It may here be worthy of remark that the difference between the +sensations I then had and those I should now have, were I present at +the same exhibition, is in many particulars as great as can well be +imagined. Not an iota of the whole performance, at that time, but +seemed to me to be perfect; and I should have readily quarrelled with +the man who should have happened to express disapprobation. The art +of acting I had little considered, and was ignorant of its extent and +degree of perfectibility. To read a play was no common pleasure, but +to see one was ecstacy. Whereas at present, the knowledge of how much +better characters might in general be performed occasions me, with +the exception of some very few performers, infinitely to prefer the +reading of a good play in the closet to its exhibition on the stage. + +The curtain being dropped for the night, I stood for a while gazing at +the multitude in motion, unwilling to quit the enchanted spot; but the +house beginning to be empty and the lights put out, I thought it was +time to retire. + +That I might feel no interruption from having so valuable a deposit +in my charge, for so I considered it to be, instead of putting the +repeater in my fob, I had dropped it securely under my ham; being much +rather willing to endure any slight disagreeable sensation it might +there excite than run any farther risk. + +The precaution as it happened was prudent. As I left the pit, I +thought I saw the identical obliging guide and pick-pocket, who had +returned me this watch in mistake, for it could be no other way, +and, as I ascended the steps, two men who were standing at the door +immediately advanced before me, and spread themselves out to prevent +my passing; while a third came behind me, put his hand gently round +my waist, and felt for the chain. My mind was so alive to dangers of +this kind, just then, that I was immediately aware of the attempt, and +pushing the men aside with my whole force I sprang up the steps, of +which there were not more than half a dozen. I then faced about in the +door way, not being acquainted with the passages, nor thinking it safe +to run. + +The moment I rushed by, one of them asked the other--'Have you +_nabbed_ it?' and was answered--'No. _Go it_!' Immediately one of them +darted toward me, but I stood above him, was greatly his superior +in size and strength, and easily knocked him down. A second made a +similar attempt, and met a similar reception. + +Hearing the scuffle, one of the house constables who happened to be +standing at a little distance under the portico, and some of his +assistants, came up; but, before they had time to be informed of the +affair, the fellows had taken to their heels. + +The constable uttered many exclamations against the rascals, and +said, they had become so daring that nobody was safe. They had that +very afternoon picked the pocket of the Earl of Idford of a repeater +studded with diamonds, under the Piazza, as he was coming out of the +Shakespeare, where he had been to attend an election meeting. By this +I learned, in five words, what, before the play began, my brain had +been ineffectually busied about for a full hour. + +Being told that I was a stranger and did not know my road, the +constable informed me it would be safest to go home in a coach. I took +his advice: a coach was called, and I was once more conveyed to the +Gloucester Coffee-house. + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +_The advice of Enoch: Complaisance of a peer: A liberal offer and +Enoch's sensibility, or the favour doubly returned_ + + +My health, appetite, and spirits suffered no check, from this tide of +novelty and tumult of accident. I eat heartily, slept soundly, and +rose chearfully. It is true, I came up to London with propensities +which, from my education, that is, from the course of former events, +would not suffer me to be idle; and in the space of a few hours I +had already received several important lessons, that considerably +increased my stock of knowledge. + +Of these I did not fail to make an active use. They awakened +attention, and I began to look about me with quickness and with +caution. I had business enough for the day, and my first care was to +keep my appointment with the reverend Enoch, whose counsel concerning +the Earl of Idford and the repeater I once more thought it prudent to +ask. + +Thither I repaired, was readily admitted, and told him my story. +It related to an Earl, and the ear of Enoch was attentively open. +Having heard the whole, he made application immediately to the court +calendar, to discover the Earl's town residence, and it was found to +be in Bruton street. But how to gain admission? His lordship would not +be at home, unless I were known? I replied that I had formerly been +acquainted with his lordship, at the university. 'Ay but,' answered +Enoch, 'is your face familiar to the servants?' 'No.'--'Then they will +not _let you in_. The best way therefore will be to write a note to +his lordship, informing him that you have particulars to communicate +concerning his repeater. He will then appoint an hour, and you will +certainly be admitted. I have enquired concerning my lord, the Bishop: +you cannot see him at present, for he is in the country, but will +return to town in less than a week, consequently you can wait on the +Earl at any hour. It is a lucky event! A prodigiously fine opportunity +for an introduction to a nobleman! Be advised by me, and profit by it, +Mr. Trevor. If you please, I will attend you to his lordship. You are +a young man, and to be accompanied by a clergyman has a respectable +look, and gives a sanction. You conceive me, Mr. Trevor?' + +I had acuteness enough to conceive the selfishness of his motives, +which was more than he intended; but I acceded to the proposal, for I +was almost as averse to giving as to receiving pain: beside I was a +stranger, and he would be my conductor. The note to his lordship was +accordingly written, a messenger dispatched with it, and while he was +gone I again repeated the whole story of the watch, which in all its +circumstances still appeared to me very surprising, and asked the +reverend Enoch if he could account for them? + +He replied that the Piazza, where the watch was stolen, was scarcely +two hundred yards from the door at which the croud was assembled; that +the thief probably thought this croud the best hiding place; that he +could not remain idle, and therefore had been busy with the pockets of +the people, and among the rest once again with mine; that his terror +and confusion, lest he should be detected with a diamond repeater in +his possession, might be much greater than usual; that, after having +delivered it to me and discovered his mistake, he was very desirous +to remedy the blunder, and therefore watched me into the pit; that, +seeing me seated, he then went in search of his companions; and that +what afterward followed was, first, their usual mode of stealing +watches, and, when that failed, a more vigorous attempt to recover a +prize of uncommon value. + +These suppositions, which Enoch's acquaintance with the town and not +the efforts of his imagination had suggested, made the history of the +event tolerably probable, and I suppose were very like the truth. + +The messenger quickly returned, with a note containing--'His +lordship's compliments; he was then at home, and if I should happen to +be at leisure would be very glad to see me immediately.' + +I told you, said Enoch, that if you meant to play the sure game you +must mention the repeater. My vanity would willingly have given +another interpretation to his lordship's civility, and have considered +it as personal to myself; but the philosophy of my vanity did not in +this case appear to be quite so sound as that of the reverend Enoch, +and I was mute. + +Neither I nor Enoch were desirous of delay, and in a few minutes we +were in Bruton street; where the doors opened to us as if the hinges +had all been lately oiled. His lordship, who had acquired much more +of the man of the world, that is, of bowing and smiling, than when I +first saw him at Oxford, instantly knew me, received me and my friend +graciously, and easily entered into conversation with us. + +The first thing I did was to restore him his watch, and tell him the +whole story, with the comments of the constable and of the reverend +Enoch. He laughed as much as lords in general laugh, said it was a +whimsical accident, and paid me a number of polite compliments and +thanks; treated the watch as a trinket which, as he recollected, had +not cost him more than three hundred guineas; but the bauble had been +often admired, he was partial to it, and was very glad it was thus +recovered. + +To this succeeded the smiles and contortions of Enoch to make himself +agreeable. His endeavours were very assiduous indeed, and to me very +ridiculous; but his lordship seemed to receive his cringing and abject +flattery as a thing rather of course, and expected, than displeasing +or contemptible. + +Among other conversation, his lordship did not fail to inquire if I +were come to make any stay in town; and what my intentions and plan +were? On being informed of these, he professed a great desire to serve +me; and added that a thought had struck him, which perhaps might be +agreeable to me. If so, it would give him great pleasure. He wished +to have a friend, who during an hour of a morning might afford him +conversation. Perhaps he might occasionally trouble him to commit a +few thoughts to writing; but that might be as it happened. If I would +come and reside in his house, and act in this friendly manner with +him, he should be gratified and I not injured. + +Enoch's open eyes twinkled with joy: sparkle they could not. He +foresaw through my means, intercourse with a peer, and perhaps +patronage! He was ready to answer for me, and could not restrain his +tongue from protesting that it was a prodigiously liberal, friendly +and honourable offer. + +I had not forgotten his lordship's former jolly tutor, the terms +on which they had lived, or the treatment to which this tutor had +occasionally submitted. Yet I was not displeased with the proposal. I +spurned at the idea of any such submission, but the character of his +lordship seemed changed: and changed it certainly was, though I then +knew not why, or to what. Nor was it supposed that I was to act as his +menial. I therefore expressed my sense of his lordship's civility, and +owned the situation would be acceptable to me, as I was not at present +encumbered with riches, and living in London I found was likely to +prove expensive. I had desired to have a genteel apartment, and Enoch +had told me that one had been hired for me at a guinea and a half per +week, at which I had been not a little startled. The secret of want +of wealth a very cunning man would have concealed: a very wise man, +though from other motives, would have told it with the same unaffected +simplicity that I did. + +Still the transports of Enoch, at his lordship's bounty, were +inexhaustible. They put me to the blush: but whether it was at being +unable to keep pace with him in owning this load of obligations, or +at his impertinent acknowledgment of feelings for me of which I was +unconscious, is more than I can tell. For his part, he did but speak +on the behalf of his young friend. I had come well recommended to him, +and he had already conceived a very singular affection for me. He had +no doubt but that I should be prodigiously grateful to his lordship +for all favours. His good advice should certainly never be wanting; +and patrons like his lordship could not, by any possible efforts, be +too humbly and dutifully served. + +I did but feebly second this submissive sense of obligation, and these +overflowing professions for favours not yet received. Luckily however +he talked so fast, and was so anxious to recommend himself, that I had +scarcely an opportunity to put in a word. He took all the trouble upon +himself. + +I ought to have mentioned that, before the proposal was made, his +lordship had taken care to inquire if I understood the living +languages? He spoke a few sentences in French to me himself, and +attempted to do the same in Italian, but succeeded in the latter very +indifferently. My answers satisfied him that I was no stranger to +these studies. + +The fact was, his lordship found it necessary to keep a secretary, +to aid him in his politics not only to write but to think; and I +afterward learned, from his valet, that he had allowed a hundred a +year to one who had left his service that very day. His lordship was +doubtless therefore well satisfied with the meeting of this morning, +in which he not only recovered his diamond repeater but rewarded the +youth who brought it, by suffering him to do the same business gratis +for which he had before been obliged to pay. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +_Memento of an old acquaintance: Gentility alarmed: The family of +Enoch: Musical raptures and card-table good breeding_ + + +By the order of his lordship, two chairmen with a horse were +dispatched for my effects; and possession was given me of the +apartment occupied by my predecessor. In this apartment a trunk, which +he had not removed, was left; and on it was a direction to Henry Turl. +This excited my curiosity: I inquired of the valet, and from his +description was confirmed in the conjecture, that my quondam school +and college acquaintance, Turl, had been his lordship's late +secretary. + +Though at college I had considered his opinions as dangerous, yet +every thing that I had heard of his behaviour challenged respect. I +scarcely knew, at present, whether I wished to have any intercourse +with him or not; but the high opinion I had of his understanding made +me hope well of his morals, and wish him prosperity. + +My good fortune was in danger of being immediately disturbed, by an +incident which to me was very unexpected. Instead of being treated as +the friend and companion of his lordship, when the dinner hour came +an invitation was sent up to me by the housekeeper, from which I +understood I was to dine at what is called the second table. At this +time I had much pride and little philosophy, and a more effectual +way to pique that pride could not have been found. I returned a +civil answer, the purport of which was that I should dine out, and +immediately wrote a short note to his lordship; informing him that 'I +took it for granted his housekeeper had mistaken his intentions, and +did not understand the terms on which I presumed I was to live in +his lordship's house. His lordship had said he wished me to be his +companion, and this distinction would certainly make me unfit to be +the companion of his housekeeper.' + +The discharging my conscience of thus much vanity gave me immediate +relief, and was productive of the effect intended. His lordship +took the hint my spirited letter gave, and feigned ignorance of his +housekeeper's proceeding. My appearance, person, and understanding +he thought would not disgrace his table, at which consequently I was +afterward permitted to take my seat. + +In the evening, I went by appointment to visit at the house of the +reverend Enoch; when I was introduced by him to his wife and daughter, +as a very accomplished young gentleman, an under-graduate of Oxford, +intended for the church, of prodigious connexions, recommended to a +bishop, patronized by an earl, and his very particular good friend. + +I bowed and the ladies curtsied. Mrs. Ellis too had studied the art of +making herself agreeable, but in a very different way from Enoch. Her +mode was by engaging in what are called parties, learning the private +history of all her acquaintance, and retailing it in such a manner +as might best gratify the humours, prejudices, and passions of her +hearers. She had some shrewdness, much cunning, and made great +pretensions to musical and theatrical taste, and the belles lettres. +She spoke both French and Italian; ill enough, but sufficiently to +excite the admiration of those who understood neither. She had lately +persuaded Enoch to make a trip with the whole family to Paris, and she +returned with a very ample cargo of information; all very much at the +disposal of her inquisitive friends. + +Her daughter, Eliza, was mamma's own child. She had an _immense deal_ +of taste, no small share of vanity, and a tongue that could not tire. +She had caught the mingled cant of Enoch and her mamma, repeated +the names of public people and public places much oftener than her +prayers, and was ready to own, with no little self complacency, that +all her acquaintance told her _she was prodigious severe_. + +In addition to these shining qualities, she was a musical amateur of +the first note. She could make the jacks of her harpsichord dance so +fast that no understanding ear could keep pace with them: and her +master, Signor Gridarini, affirmed every time he came to give her a +lesson, that, among all the dilettanti in Europe, there was not so +great a singer as herself. The most famous of the public performers +scarcely could equal her. In the bravura she astonished! in the +cantabile she charmed; her maëstoso was inimitable! and her adagios! +Oh! they were ravishing! killing. She indeed openly accused him of +flattering her; but Signor Gridarini appealed both to his honour and +his friends; the best judges in Europe, who as she well knew all said +the same. + +Of personal beauty she herself was satisfied that the Gods had kindly +granted her a full share. 'Tis true, her stature was dwarfish: but +then, she had so genteel an air! Her staymaker was one of the ablest +in town. Her complexion could not but be to her mind, for it was of +her own making. The only thing that she could not correct to her +perfect satisfaction was a something of a cast with her eyes; which +especially when she imitated Enoch in making herself agreeable, was +very like squinting. Not but that the thought squinting itself a +pleasing kind of blemish. Nay there were instances in which she +scarcely knew if it could be called a blemish. + +By these two ladies I was received with no little distinction. The +mother recollected the earl and the bishop; the daughter surveyed my +person, with which she was almost as well satisfied as with her own. +I heard her tell her female acquaintance, during the evening, that +she thought me _immense_ well bred; and that in her opinion I was +_prodigious_ handsome; and, when they smiled, she added that she spoke +with perfect _song fro_, and merely as a person of some critical +taste. + +I could indeed have corrected her English grammar, and her French +pronunciation; but I was not at this time so fastidious; as to accuse +her of any mistake in judgment, in the opinion she gave of me. + +My musical talents gained me additional favour. Miss Eliza was quite +in raptures to hear that I could accompany her in a concerto; or +take a part in an Italian duet. She vowed and protested again, to +her friends, that I was a most accomplished, charming man! She spoke +aside, but I was rather remarkably quick of hearing that evening. She +proposed a lesson of Kozeluch's immediately. I should play the violin +accompaniment, and her papa _as it was very easy_ would take the bass. + +All voices, for there was _a prodigious large party_ by this time, +were loud in their assent. Every body was sure, before any body heard, +it would be _monstrous fine_; so there was no refusing. The fiddles +were tuned, the books were placed, the candles were snuffed, the chord +was struck, and off we went, _Allegro con strepito!_ + +We obeyed the composer's commands, and played with might and main +during the first thirty or forty bars, till the _obligato_ part came, +in which Miss was to exhibit her powers. She then, with all the +dignity of a _maéstro di capella_ directed two intersecting rays full +at Enoch, and called aloud, _piano_! After which casting a gracious +smile to me, as much as to say I did not mean you, Sir; she heaved up +an attitude with her elbows, gave a short cough to encourage herself, +and proceeded. + +Her fears give her no embarrassment, thought I, and all will be well. +I could not have been more mistaken. The very first difficult passage +she came to shewed me she was an ignorant pretender. Time, tune, +and recollection were all lost. I was obliged to be silent in the +accompaniment, for I knew as little what was become of her as she +herself did. Enoch knew no more than either of us, but he kept +strumming on. He was used to it, and his ears were not easily +offended. + +She certainly intended to have been very positive, but was at last +obliged to come to a full stop; and, again casting an indignant squint +at her father, she exclaimed 'Lord, Sir! I declare, there is no +keeping with you!' 'No: nor with you neither!' said Enoch. 'Will you +have the goodness to begin again, Mr. Trevor?' continued she. I saw no +remedy: she was commander in chief, and I obeyed. + +We might have begun again and again to eternity, had we stopped +every time she failed: but as I partly perceived my silence in the +accompaniment, instead of continuing to make a discordant noise with +Enoch and herself, had chiefly disconcerted her, I determined to +rattle away. My ears were never more completely flayed! But what could +be done? Miss panted for fame, and the company wanted music! + +We had the good luck to find one another out at the last bar, and gave +a loud stroke to conclude with; which was followed by still louder +applause. It was vastly fine! _excessive_ charming! Miss was a +ravishing performer, and every soul in the room was distractingly fond +of music! 'There!' said Enoch, taking off his spectacles. 'There, +ladies! Now you hear things done as they should be!' + +Not satisfied with this specimen, we must next sing an Italian trio; +for Enoch, like Miss, could sing as well as he could play. But it was +the old story over again: 'things done as they should be.' + +The company by this time were pretty well satisfied; though their +praise continued to be extravagant. Miss however would fain have +treated them with a little more; and, when she found me obstinate in +my negative, she, with a half reprimanding half applauding tap with +her fan, for we were by this time very familiar acquaintance, told me +that great performers were always tired sooner than their auditors! + +While Miss had been thus busied, her mamma had not been idle. She and +her friends, who were so fond of music, had frequently in full gabble +joined the _con strepito_ chorus, and quite completed that kind of +harmony in which our concert excelled. Add to which there was the +rattling of the card tables, placed ready by her order during the +music; for she was too good an economist to lose time. But she +professed to have a delicate ear. Enoch had taught her to know when +things were done as they should be. + +The concert being ended and the cards ready, I was invited to draw +for partners. One elderly lady was particularly pressing. I excused +myself, and Miss said pouting to her mamma, but looking traverse at +the elderly lady, 'Law mamma, you are so teazing! We have made up a +little _conversazione_ party of our own, and you want to spoil it by +taking Mr. Trevor from us! I declare,' continued she, turning her back +on the card tables and lowering her voice, 'that old Tabby is never +contented but when she is at her honours and her tricks! But let her +alone! She never goes away a loser! She has more tricks than honours!' + +I presume it was not the first time that she had said this good thing; +at least it was not the last, for I heard it every time afterward that +the parties met on a like occasion. The old lady however contrived +before they broke up to weary me into compliance. I played a single +rubber, lost a guinea, and was asked for my half crown to put under +the candlestick. I say, asked; for I have before observed that I +came up to London ignorant of every point of good breeding. I could +not have surmised that the six packs of half dirty cards were to be +subscribed for by the company at half a crown a head. + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +_Politics and patriotism of a lord: A grand undertaking: Sublime +effusions, or who but I: Politics and taste of Enoch: The honey +changed to gall, or rules for fine writers_ + + +The next day about noon, his lordship sent his compliments, informing +me he should be glad of my company. I hastened to him, eager to have +an opportunity privately to display, before a lord, my knowledge, wit, +and understanding. + +After a short introductory dialogue, his lordship turned the +conversation on politics, and it so happened that, though my ideas +on this subject were but feeble and ill arranged, yet it had not +wholly escaped my attention. While I was at Oxford, the want of a +parliamentary reform had agitated the whole nation, and was too real +and glaring an evil not to be convincing to a young and unprejudiced +mind. The extension of the excise laws had likewise produced in me +strong feelings of anger; and the enormous and accumulating national +debt had been described to me as a source of imminent, absolute, and +approaching ruin. + +These and similar ideas though all more or less crude I detailed, and +concluded my creed with asserting my conviction that government used +corrupt and immoral means, and that these were destructive of the end +which it meant to obtain. + +His lordship was quite in raptures to hear me; and declared he could +not have expected such sound doctrine, from so young a man. 'Yes, Mr. +Trevor,' continued he, 'government is indeed corrupt! It has opposed +me in three elections; one for a county, the others for two popular +boroughs. The opposition has cost me fifty thousand pounds, and I lost +them all. Time was when the minister might have made me his friend; +but I am now his irreconcilable enemy, and I will hang upon his skirts +and never quit him, no, not for a moment, till he is turned out of +office with disgrace. He ought not to have angered me, for I and my +friends kept aloof: he knew I did, and he might--But now I have openly +joined the opposition, and nothing less than his ruin shall satisfy +me! I am exceedingly happy, Mr. Trevor, to find you reason so justly +on these subjects; and to say the truth I shall be very glad of your +assistance.' + +I answered his lordship that I should be equally glad, if I could +contribute to the good government and improvement of mankind by +correcting their present errors; and that the vices I had mentioned, +and every other vice that I could discover, I should always think it +my duty to oppose. + +'That,' answered his lordship, 'is right, Mr. Trevor! You speak +my own sentiments! Opposition, strong severe and bitter, is what +I am determined on! Your principles and mine are the same, and I +am resolved he shall repent of having made me his enemy! We will +communicate our thoughts to each other, and as you are a young man +whose talents were greatly esteemed at ---- college, and who know how +to place arguments in a striking form, I have no doubt of our success. +I will make him shake in his seat!' + +His lordship then drew a whole length picture first of his own griefs, +and next of the present state of representation, and the known +dependence and profligacy of the minister's adherents, which highly +excited my indignation. My heart exulted in the correction which I +was determined to bestow on them all; and I made not the least doubt +but that I should soon be able to write down the minister, load his +partizans with contempt, and banish such flagitious proceedings from +the face of the earth. + +With these all sufficient ideas of myself, and many professions of +esteem and friendship from the earl, I retired to begin a series of +letters, that were to rout the minister, reform the world, and convey +my fame to the latest posterity. I had already perused Junius as a +model of style, had been enraptured with his masculine ardor, and had +no doubt but that the hour was now come in which he was to be rivaled. + +I could not disguise from myself that the motives of his lordship were +not of the purest kind: but I had formed no expectations in favour +of his morals; and, if the end at which he aimed was a good one, his +previous mistakes must be pardoned. He had engaged me in a delightful +task, had given me an opportunity of exerting my genius and of +publishing my thoughts to the world, and I sat down to my labours with +transport and zeal. + +So copious was my elocution that in less than four hours I had filled +eight pages of paper; two of which at least were Greek and Latin +quotations, from Aristotle, Demosthenes, and Cicero. I meant to +astonish mankind with my erudition! All shall acknowledge, said I, +that a writer of wit, energy, and genius is at last sprung up; one +who is profoundly skilled too in classical learning. My whole soul +was bent on saying strong things, fine things, learned things, pretty +things, good things, wise things, and severe things. Never was there +more florid railing. My argument was a kind of pitiful Jonas, and my +words were the whale in which it was swallowed up. + +I was quite enamoured of my performance, and was impatient for twelve +o'clock the next day, that his lordship might admire it! In the mean +time, to allay my insatiable thirst of praise, I took it to upright +Enoch. When the reverend little man heard that I was employed by his +lordship to write on affairs of government, he declared it as a thing +decided that my fortune was made: but he dropped his under lip when +told that I had attacked the minister--Was prodigiously sorry!--That +was the wrong side--Ministers paid well for being praised; but they +gave nothing, except fine, imprisonment, and pillory, for blame. + +I heard him with contempt, but was too eager in my thirst of +approbation to make any reply, except by urging him to read. He put on +his spectacles and began, but blundered so wretchedly that I was soon +out of patience; and taking the paper from him began to read myself. + +No one will doubt but that he was the first to be tired. However, he +said it was fine; and was quite surprised to hear me read Greek with +such sonorous volubility. For his part it was long since he had read +such authors: to which I sarcastically yielded my ready assent. He had +partly forgotten them, he said. Indeed! answered I. My tone signified +he never knew them--'but you think the composition good do you +not?'--'Oh, it is fine! Prodigiously fine!' + +Fine was the word, and with fine I was obliged to be satisfied. As for +prodigious, it sometimes had meaning and sometimes none: it depended +on emphasis and action. I knew indeed that he was no great orator; +otherwise I should have expected an eulogium that might have rivaled +the French academy, the odes of Boileau, or even my own composition. + +I was still hungry: my vanity wanted more food, much more, though I +knew not where to seek it. To write down a minister was such a task, +and I had begun it in so sublime a style, that rest I could not: +though it was with great difficulty, having done with Enoch, that I +could escape from Miss and her mamma. + +They were dressed to go to a party, and they insisted that I should +go with them. It would give their friends such _monstrous_ pleasure, +and they should all be so _immense_ happy, that go I must. But their +rhetoric was vain. I was upon thorns; there were no hopes that the +party would listen to my manuscript; and as I could not read it to +others, I must go home and read it to myself. + +As I was going, Miss followed me to the door, called up one of her +significant traverse glances, and told me she was sure I was a +prodigious rake! But no wonder! All the fine men were rakes! + +I returned to my chamber, read again and again, added new flowers, +remembered new quotations, and inserted new satire. Enoch had told me +it was fine, yet I never could think it was fine enough. + +Night came, but with it little inclination in me to sleep: and in the +morning I was up and at work, reading, correcting and embellishing my +letter before I could well distinguish a word. About nine o'clock, +while I was rehearsing aloud in the very heat of oratory, two chairmen +knocked at my door and interrupted my revery: they were come to take +away the trunk of Turl. The thought struck me and I immediately +inquired--'Is the gentleman himself here?' I was answered in the +affirmative, and I requested one of the men to go and inform him that +an old acquaintance was above, who would be very glad to speak a word +with him. + +Mr. Turl came, was surprised to see me, and as I received him +kindly answered me in the same tone. At college he had acquired the +reputation of a scholar, a good critic, and a man of strong powers of +mind. The discovery of a diamond mine would not have given me so much +pleasure, as the meeting him at this lucky moment! He was the very +person I wanted. He was a judge, and I should have praise as much as I +could demand! The beauties of my composition would all be as visible +to him as they were to myself. They were too numerous, too strong, +too striking to escape his notice; they would flash upon him at every +line, would create astonishment, inspire rapture, and hold him in one +continual state of acclamation and extacy! + +I requested him to sit down, apologized, told him I had a favour to +ask, took up my manuscript, smiled, put it in his hand, stroked my +chin, and begged him to read and tell me its faults. I had a perfect +dependence on his good taste, and nobody could be more desirous of +hearing the truth and correcting their errors than I was! Nobody! + +I was surprised to observe that he felt some reluctance, and attempted +to excuse himself: but I was too importunate, and the devil of vanity +was too strong in me, to be resisted. I pleaded, with great eloquence +and much more truth than I myself suspected, how necessary it was +in order to attain excellence that men should communicate with each +other, should boldly declare their opinions, and patiently listen to +reproof. + +Thus urged by arguments which he knew to be excellent, and hoping from +my zeal that I knew the same, he complied, took out his pencil, and +began his task. + +He went patiently through it, without any apparent emotion or delay, +except frequently to make crosses with his pencil. Never was mortal +more amazed than I was at his incomprehensible coldness! 'Has he no +feeling?' said I. 'Is he dead? No token of admiration! no laughter! no +single pause of rapture!' It was astonishing beyond all belief! + +Having ended, he put down the manuscript, and said not a word! + +This was a mortification not to be supported. Speak he must. I endured +his silence perhaps half a minute, perhaps a whole one, but it was an +age! 'I am afraid, Mr. Turl,' said I, 'you are not very well pleased +with what you have read?' + +The tone of my voice, the paleness of my lips, and the struggling +confusion of my eyes sufficiently declared my state of mind, and he +made no answer. My irritability increased. 'What, Sir,' said I, 'is it +so contemptible a composition as to be wholly unworthy your notice?' + +I communicated much of the torture which I felt, but collecting +himself he looked at me with some compassion and much stedfastness, +and answered--'I most sincerely wish, Mr. Trevor, that what I have +to say, since you require me to speak, were exactly that which you +expected I should say. I confess, it gives me some pain to perceive +that you mistook your own motives, when you desired me to read +and mark what I might think to be faults. You imagined there were +no faults! forgetting that no human effort is without them. The +longer you write the less you will be liable to the error of that +supposition.'--'Perhaps, Sir, you discover nothing but faults?'--'Far +the contrary: I have discovered the first great quality of genius.' + +This was a drop of reviving cordial, and I eagerly asked--'What is +that?'--'Energy. But, like the courage of Don Quixote, it is ill +directed; it runs a tilt at sheep and calls them giants.' 'Go on, +Sir,' said I: 'continue your allegory.'--'Its beauties are courtezans, +its enchanted castles pitiful hovels, and its Mambrino's helmet is no +better than a barber's bason.' 'But pray, Sir, be candid, and point +out all its defects!--All!'--'I am sorry to observe, Mr. Trevor, +that my candour has already been offensive to your feelings. If we +would improve our faculties, we must not seek unmerited praise, but +resolutely listen to truth.'--'Why, Sir, should you suppose I seek +unmerited praise.' + +He made no reply, and I repeated my requisition, that he should point +out all the defects of my manuscript: once more, all, all! 'The +defects, Mr. Trevor,' said he, 'are many of them such as are common +to young writers; but some of them are peculiar to writers whose +imagination is strong, and whose judgment is unformed. Paradoxical as +it may seem, it is a disadvantage to your composition that you have +the right side of the question. Diffuse and unconnected arguments, a +style loaded with epithets and laborious attempts in the writer to +display himself, are blemishes that give less offence when employed +to defend error than when accumulated in the cause of truth, which is +forgotten and lost under a profusion of ornaments. The difficulties of +composition resemble those of geometry: they are the recollection of +things so simple and convincing that we imagine we never can forget +them; yet they are frequently forgotten at every step, and in every +sentence. There is one best and clearest way of stating a proposition, +and that alone ought to be chosen: yet how often do we find the same +argument repeated and repeated and repeated, with no variety except in +the phraseology? In developing any thought, we ought not to encumber +it by trivial circumstances: we ought to say all that is necessary, +and not a word more. We ought likewise to say one thing at once; and +that concluded to begin another. We certainly write to be understood, +and should therefore never write in a language that is unknown to a +majority of our readers. The rule will apply as well to the living +languages as to the dead, and its infringement is but in general +a display of the author's vanity. Epithets, unless they increase +the strength of thought or elucidate the argument, ought not to be +admitted. Of similes, metaphors, and figures of every kind the same +may be affirmed: whatever does not enlighten confuses. There are two +extremes, against which we ought equally to guard: not to give a dry +skeleton, bones without flesh; nor an imbecile embryo, flesh without +bones.' + +'I understand you, Sir. What you have read is an imbecile +embryo?'--'Your importunity, Mr. Trevor, and my desire to do you +service have extorted an opinion from me. I must not shrink from the +truth: in confirmation of what I have already said, I must add, that +your composition is strong in language, but weak in argument.'--'Ha! +Much declamation, little thought?' + +He was once more silent for a few seconds, and then assuming a less +serious tone, endeavoured to turn the conversation by inquiring if I +were come to reside in London, and to live with his lordship? I took +care to inform him that I considered myself as a visitor in the house; +and that I meant to take my degrees, be ordained, and devote myself to +the church. + +I then attempted to bring him back to the manuscript; but +ineffectually: he seemed determined to say no more. This silence was +painful to both of us, and after I had inquired where he lived, and +made some professions, which formal civility wrung from me, that I +should be glad to see him again, we parted. We were neither of us +entirely satisfied with the other; and I certainly much the least. + +The lesson however did me infinite service. The film was in part +removed from my eyes, in my own despite. I read again, but with a very +different spirit: his marks in the margin painfully met my eye, with +endless repetition. The rules he had been delivering were strong in my +memory, and I frequently discovered their application. After the clear +statement he had given of them, I could but seldom bring myself to +doubt of their justice. + +The result was, I immediately went to work; and, disgusted with my +first performance, began another. In truth, my too much confidence and +haste had made me guilty of many mistakes; which I knew to be such, +the moment my vanity had been a little sobered into common sense. I +had often written before, and perhaps never so ill. + +I now arranged my thoughts, omitted my quotations, discarded many of +my metaphors, shortened my periods, simplified my style, reduced the +letter to one fourth of its former length, and finished the whole by +one o'clock. His lordship was not so fastidious a critic as I thought +Turl had been; he was delighted with my performance. It is true he +made some corrections and additions, in places where I had not been +so personal and acrimonious, against the minister, as his feelings +required; but, as he accompanied them with praise, I readily +submitted; and, thus improved, my first political essay was committed +to the press. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +_Further efforts of critical improvement: Doubts of a serious kind +suggested: More politics and new acquaintance: A dissertation on +rakes_ + + +The critical precepts of Turl were still tingling in my ears; and as +I meant to shew the bishop some of the sermons that I had written, or +in other words as many as he should be willing to read, they underwent +an immediate revisal. Though in general they were less faulty than my +post-haste political effort, yet I found quite enough to correct; and +was so far reconciled to the benefit I had derived from Turl as to +wish to meet him again. + +In two or three days therefore, after having expunged, interlined, +and polished one of my best performances till I was tolerably well +satisfied with it, I visited him at his lodgings. I then owned to him, +that I had not received the castigation he gave me quite so patiently +as I ought to have done: but I had nevertheless profited by it, and +was come to request more favours of the same kind; though I could not +but acknowledge I had hopes that my present performance was not quite +so defective as the former. + +He received me kindly, but took the manuscript I offered him with what +I again thought great coldness. He read two or three pages, without as +before drawing his pencil upon me, and then paused. 'You have enjoined +me a task,' said he, 'Mr. Trevor, which I do not know how to execute +to my own satisfaction. You are not aware of the truth, and if I +tell it you I shall offend.'--'Nay, Sir; I beg you will not spare +me. Speak!'--'You have not explicitly defined to yourself your own +motives: you think you are come in search of improvement; in reality, +you are come in search of praise.'--'Not unless praise be my +due.'--'Which you are convinced it is.'--'You see deeply into the +human heart, Mr. Turl.'--'If I do not, I am ill qualified to criticise +literary compositions.'--'And you think my divinity no better than my +politics?'--'You do not state the question as I could wish. Divinity +I must acknowledge is not a favourite subject with me.'--'I have +heard as much.'--'I am too sincere a friend to morality to encourage +dissention, quarrels, and enmity, concerning things which whoever +may pretend to believe no one can prove that he understands. As a +composition, from the little I have read, I believe your sermon to be +very superior to your letter; but from the exposition of your subject, +I perceive it treats on points of faith, asserts church authority, and +stigmatises dissent with reprobation. You tell me you are recommended +to a bishop: with him it will do you service! to me it is +unintelligible.' + +His inclination to heresy, or, which is the same thing, his difference +with me in opinion, piqued me on this occasion even more than the +unsparing sincerity of his remarks. I answered, I was sorry he did not +agree with me, on subjects which I was convinced were so momentous; +and owned it was for that reason that, while he remained at the +university, I had avoided his society. + +He replied, he doubted if it were right to avoid the vicious: and the +precaution which he himself thought necessary, on all such occasions, +was to inquire whether, in accusing another of vice, he were not +himself guilty of error. He considered his own opinions as eternally +open to revision; and if any man were to tell him that two and two did +not make four, he should have no objection to re-examine the facts, +with his opponent, on which his own previous conviction had been +founded. We ought to be ardent in the defence of truth; but we ought +likewise to be patient and benevolent. + +I made some attempts to convince him of the impiety of his scepticism; +while he remained cool, but unshaken; and I left him with mingled +emotions of pity, for his adherence to doctrines so damnable; and +of admiration, at the amenity and philanthropy with which they were +delivered. + +Thus catechised in criticism and theology, the ardour of my pursuits +would perhaps have found some temporary abatement, had it not been +rouzed anew. My letter had appeared, signed Themistocles, his +lordship's known political cognomen. It was the first in which he had +declared openly against the minister. His sentiments in consequence of +this letter were become public, and many of the minority, desirous of +fixing in their interest one whom they had before considered rather +as their opponent than their friend, came to visit and pay him their +compliments. + +The resolute manner in which I had purposely and uniformly shewn him +that I must be treated as his equal had produced its intended effect: +I was dismissed with no haughty nod, but came and went as I pleased, +and frequently bore a part in their conversation. I had still an open +ear for vanity, which was not a little tickled by the frequent terms +of applause and admiration with which Themistocles was quoted. His +lordship did me the justice to inform his visitors that the letter +was written by me. We had indeed conversed together; they were his +thoughts, his principles, and it was true he had made such additions +and corrections as were necessary. Then, proceeding to invectives +against the minister, he there dropped me, and my share of merit. + +The mortification of this was the greater because truth and falsehood +were so mingled that, however inclined I might be, I knew not which +way to do myself justice. But the praise, which they bestowed wholly +on his lordship and which his lordship was willing to receive, I very +unequivocally took to myself. It gave me animation; the pen was seldom +out of my hand, and the exercise was sanative. + +Mean while Enoch and his agreeable family, who knew so well when +things were as they should be, were not neglected. I was careful to +inform them of my rising fame; and my new friends, for so I accounted +all those who paid their court to his lordship and his lordship's +favourite, were individually named, characterised, and celebrated. + +The family heard me with avidity, each desirous of having a share in +a lord, and the friends of a lord. Enoch told me I was in high luck, +mamma affirmed I was a fine writer, and Miss was sure I must be a +_monstrous favourite_! I was a favourite with every body; and, for her +part, she did not wonder at it. 'Not but it is a great pity,' added +she, aside, 'that you are such a rake, Mr. Trevor.' + +This repeated charge very justly alarmed my morality, and I very +seriously began a refutation. But in vain. I might say what I would; +she could see very plainly I was a prodigious rake, and nothing could +convince her to the contrary. Though she had heard that your greatest +rakes make the best husbands. Perhaps it might be true, but she did +not think she could be persuaded to make the venture. She did not know +what might happen, to be sure; though she really did not think she +could. She could not conceive how it was, but some how or another she +always found something agreeable about rakes. It was a great pity they +should be rakes, but she verily believed the women loved them, and +encouraged them in their seducing arts. For her part, she would keep +her fingers out of the fire as long as she could: but, if it were her +destiny to love a rake, what could she do? Nobody could help being in +love, and it would be very hard indeed to call what one cannot help a +crime. + +In this key would she continue, without let or delay, whenever she +had me to herself, till some accident came to my relief: for the +philosophy of Miss Eliza, on the subjects of love and rakishness, was +exhaustless; and though it could not always convince, it could puzzle. +I often knew not how to behave, such a warfare did she sometimes +kindle between inclination and morality. My resource was in silence; +hers in talking. Notwithstanding her very great prudence, I suspect +there might have been danger, had I not been guarded by the three fold +shield of an unfashionable sense of moral right, strong aspirings +after clerical purity, and the unfaded remembrance of the lovely +chaste Olivia. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +_Enoch made acquainted with more of my perfections, which by his +advice are brought to market: A bishop's parlour: The bishop +himself, or a true pillar of the church: Heretical times and arduous +undertakings_ + + +New honours awaited me. My lord the bishop was come to town, of which +Enoch had providently taken care to have instant notice. Among the +other good things I had related of myself, I had not forgotten to tell +Enoch of the several sermons I had written; nor to shew him that which +I had corrected and taken to Turl. + +I had another attainment, of which too I did not neglect to inform +him; for it was one of which I was not a little proud. Much of my +time, during my residence at Oxford, had been devoted to the study +of polemical divinity, or the art of abuse, extracted from the +scriptures, the fathers, and the different doctors of different +faiths. The points that had most attracted my attention were the +disputes concerning the Athanasian creed, and the thirty-nine +articles. On both these subjects I had made many extracts, many +remarks, and collected many authorities; for I had subscribed the +thirty-nine articles, and consequently the Athanasian creed, and what +I had done it became me to defend. This is the maxim of all people, +who think it more worthy their dignity to be consistent in error than +to forget self, revere truth, and retract. + +I had beside been well educated for this kind of pertinacity. The +rector, when living, was so sternly orthodox as to hold the slightest +deviation from church authority in abhorrence. What he meant by church +authority, or what any rational man can mean, it might be difficult to +define: except that church authority and orthodox opinions are, with +each individual, those precise points which that individual makes a +part of his creed. But as, unfortunately for church authority, no two +individuals ever had or ever can have the same creed, church authority +is like a body in motion, no man can tell where it resides. At that +time I thought otherwise, and then as now did not refrain from +speaking what I thought. + +In addition to the other arts of pleasing, which the industrious Enoch +had acquired, that of maintaining orthodox doctrines in the presence +of orthodox people was one. He was glad to find me so deep a +proficient; for to what market could we so profitably carry such ware +as to the levee of a bishop? + +The little man, scrupulously attentive to whatever might advance me +or him in the good graces of the right reverend, advised me to put my +corrected sermon in my pocket; which, with or without his advice, I +suspect I should have done. 'These particulars,' said the provident +Enoch, 'must every one of them be told. But be you under no concern; +leave all that to me. Merit you know is always modest.' + +Though I had not on this occasion the courage to contradict him, I +doubted the truth of his apothegm. The good qualities I could discover +in myself I wished to have noticed; and if nobody else would notice +them I must. Like other people, I have too frequently been desirous to +make my principles bend to my practice. + +Though the door was the door of a bishop and we had the text in +our favour, 'Knock and it shall be opened,' yet Enoch, no doubt +remembering his own good breeding, was too cautious to ask if his +lordship were at home. He bade the servant say that a clergyman of the +church of England and a young gentleman from Oxford, bringing letters +from the president of ---- college and other dignitaries of the +university, requested an audience. + +The message was delivered, and we were ushered into a parlour, +the walls of which were decorated with the heads of the English +archbishops, surrounding Hogarth's modern midnight conversation. There +was not a book in the room; but there were six or eight newspapers. +With these we amused ourselves for some time, till the approach of the +bishop was announced by the creaking of his shoes, the rustling of his +silk apron, and the repeated hems with which he collected his dignity. + +The moment I saw him, his presence reminded me of my old acquaintance, +the high-fed brawny doctors of Oxford. His legs were the pillars of +Hercules, his body a brewer's butt, his face the sun rising in a red +mist. We have been told that magnitude is a powerful cause of the +sublime; and if this be true, the dimensions of his lordship certainly +had a copious and indisputable claim to sublimity. He seemed born +to bear the whole hierarchy. His mighty belly heaved and his cheeks +swelled with the spiritual inflations of church power. He fixed his +open eyes upon me and surveyed me from top to toe. I too made my +remarks. 'He is a true son of the church,' said I.--The libertine +sarcasm was instantly repelled, and my train of ideas was purified +from such irreverend heresy--'He is an orthodox divine! A pillar of +truth! A Christian Bishop!' Thought is swift, and man assents and +recants before his eye can twinkle. + +I delivered my credentials and he seated himself in a capacious chair, +substantially fitted to receive and sustain its burden of divinity, +and began to read. My letters were from men high in authority, +purple-robed and rotund supporters of our good _Alma Mater_, and met +with all due respect. Clearing his sonorous throat of the obstructing +phlegm, with which there seemed to be danger that he should sometime +or other be suffocated, he welcomed me to London, rejoiced to hear +that his good friends of the university were well, and professed a +desire to oblige them by serving me. + +I briefly explained to him my intention of devoting myself to the +church, which he highly commended; and Enoch, who far from being idle +all this time had been acting over his agreeable arts, soon found +an opportunity of informing the right reverend father in God what +powerful connexions I had, how well skilled I was in classical +learning, how deeply I was read in theology, how orthodox my opinions +were, and to give a climax which most delighted me added that, young +as I was, I had already obtained the character of a prodigious fine +writer! + +He did not indeed say all this in a breath; he took his own time, for +his oratory was always hide bound; but he took good care to have it +all said. His secret for being eloquent consisted rather in action +than in language, and now with the spiritual lord as before with +the temporal, he accompanied his speech with those insinuating +gesticulations which he had rarely found unsuccessful. He had such a +profound reverence for the episcopacy, [bowing to the ground] was so +bitter an enemy to caveling innovators, [grinning malignity] had so +full a sense of his own inferiority [contorting his countenance, like +a monkey begging for gingerbread] and humbled himself so utterly in +the presence of the powers that be that, while he spoke, the broad +cheeks of the bishop swelled true high church satisfaction; dilating +and playing like a pair of forge bellows. + +My modesty was his next theme, and with it was coupled the sermons I +had written, not omitting the one I had brought in my pocket. But +his young friend was so bashful! was so fearful of intruding on his +lordship! as indeed every one must be, who had any sense of what is +always due to our superiors! Yet as the doctrines of his young friend +were so sound, and he was so true a churchman, it might perhaps happen +that his lordship would have the condescension to let one of his +chaplains read him the sermon of his young friend? He was sure it +would do him service with his lordship. Not but he was almost afraid +he had taken an unpardonable liberty, in intruding so far on his +lordship's invaluable time and patience. + +Evil communication corrupts good manners. I could not equal the +adulation of Enoch; but, when I afterward came to canvas my own +conduct, I found I had followed my leader in his tracks of servility +quite far enough. + +His lordship, to indicate his approbation of our duplex harangue, +graciously accepted the sermon to peruse, informed me of his day and +hour of seeing company, and invited me and my friend to become his +visitors: with which mark of holy greeting Enoch and I, well pleased, +were about to depart. + +The retailer of pews recollected himself: no man could be more +desirous than Enoch not to neglect an opportunity. After more bows, +cringes, and acknowledgments not to be expressed, he requested +permission to mention to his lordship that his young friend had +made a particular branch of theology his study, of which he thought +it his duty to acquaint his lordship. In these days of doubt, rank +infidelity, and abominable schism, the danger of the church was felt +by every good and pious divine; and her most active defenders were her +best friends. His lordship would therefore perhaps be glad to hear +that Mr. Trevor had particularly devoted himself to polemics, was +intimately acquainted with the writings of the fathers and the known +orthodox divines, and was qualified to be a powerful advocate and +champion of conformity. + +'Indeed!' said his lordship, with open ears and eyes. 'I am very +glad to hear it! Have you written any thing, Mr. Trevor, on +these subjects?'--'I have made many references, memorandums, and +preparatory remarks, my lord.'--'Then you intend to write!'--I saw +the satisfaction with which the affirmative was likely to be received +and boldly answered, 'I do, my lord.'--'I am very glad to hear it! +I am very glad to hear it!'--'Shall I do myself the honour to bring +my manuscript, as soon as it is written, and consult your lordship's +judgment?'--'By all means, Mr. Trevor! By all means! These are weighty +matters. The church was never more virulently and scandalously +attacked than she has been lately! The most heretical and damnable +doctrines are daily teeming from the press! Not only infidels and +atheists, but the vipers which the church has nurtured in her own +bosom are rising up to sting her! Her canons are brought into +contempt, her tests trampled on, and her dignitaries daily insulted! +The hierarchy is in danger! The bishops totter on their bench! We are +none of us safe.' + +To the reality of this picture I readily assented. 'But,' said I, 'my +lord, we have the instruments of defence in our own power: we have +the scriptures, the fathers, the doctors of our church and all the +authorities for us. The only thing we want is a hero, qualified to +bear this cumbrous armour, and to wield these massy weapons.' + +The words, 'that hero am I,' quivered on my tongue; and, if my teeth +had not resolutely denied them a passage, out they would have bolted. + +His lordship agreed that the truth was all on our side: and for his +part he wished it to be thundered forth, so as at once to crush and +annihilate all heretics, and their damnable doctrines! + +'Since I am encouraged by your lordship,' said I, 'this shall be the +first labour of my life; and, though I grant it is Herculean, I have +little doubt of executing it effectually.' His lordship, though not +quite so certain of my success as I was, in the name of the church, +again gave his hearty assent; and we, with smiles, thanks, and bows in +abundance, took our leave: Enoch with a fine pisgah prospect of the +land of promise; and I another Caleb, bearing away the luscious grapes +I had been gathering, on which my fancy licentiously banqueted. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +_Beatific visions: Irons enough in the fire: Egotism and oratory: +Hints on elocution_ + + +This sudden elevation to fame and fortune, for I had not the smallest +doubt that so it was, this double-election of me, who alone perhaps +had the power to execute such mighty tasks, was more than even I, +sanguine as my expectations had been, could have hoped! To rout +politicians and extirpate heresy, to pull down a minister and become +the buttress of the church, to reform the state and establish the +hierarchy, was indeed a glorious office! Honour and power were +suspended over my head: I had but to cut the thread and they would +drop and crown me. + +But which should I choose; to be the pillar of the state, or the head +of the hierarchy? a prime minister, or an archbishop? The question was +embarrassing, and it was not quite pleasant that I could not be both. + +I did not however forget that I had first some few labours to perform; +to which therefore, with all my might, I immediately applied. My busy +brain had now fit employment, politics and divinity; but was puzzled +with which to begin. The table at which I wrote was richly strewed +with invectives, now hurled at state profligacy, now thundered against +the non-conforming crew. It was my determination to spare neither +friend nor foe. I often remembered the Zoilus Turl, and his heretical +opinions; and was ready to exclaim, in the language of the patient +Job, 'Oh that his words were now written! Oh that they were printed in +a book!' The dictatorial spirit of his reproof, for so I characterised +it, had wounded me deeply; and, though I was not depraved enough to +feel rancour, I ardently wished for the means to come, pen in hand, +to a fair combat; for I feared no mortal wight: if I had, he perhaps +would have been the man. It will hereafter be seen that my wish was +gratified. + +Some days were wasted in this state of indecision; in which I did +little, except write detached thoughts and contemplate the sublime +and beautiful of my subjects; till I was rouzed from this lethargy of +determination by a hint from his lordship, that it was necessary for +Themistocles to appear abroad again; lest his enemies should say he +was silenced, and his friends fear he was dead. + +A second political letter was then quickly produced; in which, with +the fear of Turl before my eyes and carefully conning over his whole +lesson, I profited by that advice which I half persuaded myself I +despised. I wrote not only with more judgment but with increasing +ardour, and the effects were visible: the second composition was much +better than the first. + +The dish too was seasoned to the palate of him for whom I catered. I +peppered salted and deviled the minister, till his lordship was in +raptures! It was indeed dressed much more to the taste of the times +than I myself was aware. It was better calculated to gall, annoy, and +alarm a corrupt system than if I had produced a better composition. + +Not only the satellites but the leading men of opposition began now to +pay their respects to his lordship. In his company I had the pleasure +of meeting several of them, and of being frequently surprised by the +readiness of their wit, the acuteness of their remarks, their depth of +penetration, comprehensive powers, and fertility of genius. Mr. *** +himself came occasionally to visit his lordship, so strenuous and +sincere did he appear to be in his political conduct. + +During this intercourse, and particularly in these conversations, I +had sufficient opportunities of studying his lordship's character. +He was selfish, ignorant, positive, and proud: yet he affected +generosity, talked on every subject as if it were familiar to him, +asserted his claim to the most undeviating candour, and would even +affect contempt for dignities and distinctions, when they were not the +reward of merit. 'A nobleman might by accident possess talents; but +he was free to confess that the dignity of his birth could not confer +them. He would rather be Mr. *** (Mr. *** was present) than a prince +of the blood. He panted to distinguish himself by qualities that were +properly his own, and had little veneration for the false varnish of +ancestry. Were that of any worth, he had as much reason to be vain as +any man perhaps in the kingdom: his family came in with the Conqueror, +at which time it was respectable: it had produced men, through all its +branches, whose names were no disgrace to history.' Then summoning an +additional quantity of candor he added--'There have been many fools +among them, no doubt; and I am afraid some knaves; but what have I +to do with their knavery, folly, or wisdom? Society, it is true, has +thought fit to recompense me for their virtues: such is the order of +things. But I cannot persuade myself that I have received the least +tarnish from any of their vices. I am a friend to the philosophy +of the times, and would have every man measured by the standard of +individual merit.' + +These liberal sentiments were delivered on the first visit he received +from the leader of the minority. Anger, self interest, and the desire +of revenge had induced him to adopt the same political principles: +anger, self interest, and the desire of revenge induced him to +endeavour after the same elevation of mind. Esop is dead, but his frog +and his ox are still to be found. + +At this interview, the conversation turned on the last debate in both +houses, in which the merits of the speakers were canvassed, and +his lordship was severe to virulence against his opponents. He had +harangued in the upper house himself; but as his delivery, for it +could not be called elocution, was slow, hesitating, and confused, no +one ventured to mention his speech. + +This was a severe mortification. Among his mistakes, that of believing +himself an accomplished orator was not the least conspicuous. Unable +any longer to support their silence, he quoted his speech himself: +though, with that candor which was continually at the tip of his +tongue, he acknowledged it was possible perhaps for him to have +delivered his sentiments in a more terse and pointed manner. 'But no +man', said he, addressing himself to Mr. *** 'no man knows better than +you, how arduous a task it is to speak with eloquence.' + +Mr. *** was dumb: but the appellant and the appellee were relieved by +the less delicate intervention of one of the company; who declared, +perhaps with malicious irony, he never heard his lordship to +greater advantage. 'Do you think so,' said the peer, turning to his +panegyrist. 'No. I believe you are mistaken. I never can satisfy +myself! I am so fastidious in the choice of my phrases! I dislike this +word, I reject that, and do not know where to find one that pleases +me. I certainly think, for my part, that I spoke vilely. The duke +indeed and lord Piper both declared they never heard me greater: but I +cannot believe it. Though Sir Francis, who went to the house purposely +to hear me, positively swears it was the first speech I ever made: the +house had seldom, I believe he said, never heard its equal! Indeed +he called it divine; and some affirm he is one of the best judges of +elocution in the kingdom. But I am sure he is wrong. I know myself +better. I was not quite in the cue; had not absolutely the true feel, +as I may say, of my subject. Though I own I was once or twice a little +pleased with myself. There might perhaps be something like an approach +to good speaking; I dare not imagine it was great. It was not, I +believe, indeed I am sure, it was not every thing I could have wished. +I am not often satisfied with others, and with myself still seldomer.' + +To all this self equity and abstinence, Mr. ***, to whom it was again +addressed, made no other answer than that he had not the pleasure to +hear his lordship. But the candid peer, in imitation of the poets of +the days of Louis XIV and Charles II continued to be the censurer and +eulogist of himself. + +To change the dull theme, one of the company inquired, what is the +reason that many men, who are eloquent in the closet, should stammer +themselves into confusion and incapacity, when they attempt to +speak in public? To this Mr. *** returned the following acute and +philosophical reply. + +'A happy choice of words, after we have obtained ideas, is one of the +most constant labours of the person who attempts to write, or speak, +with energy. This induces a habit in the writer or speaker to be +satisfied with difficulty. Desirous of giving the thought he has +conceived its full force, he never imagines the terms and epithets +he has selected to be sufficiently expressive. If, after having +accustomed himself to write, it be his wish to exert his powers as a +public speaker, he must counteract this habit; and, instead of being +severe in the choice of his words, must resolutely accept the first +that present themselves, encourage the flow of thought, and leave +epithets and phraseology to chance. Neither will his intrepidity, when +once acquired, go unrewarded: the happiest language will frequently +rush upon him, if, neglecting words, he do but keep his attention +confined to thoughts. Of thoughts too it is rather necessary for +him to deliver them boldly, following his immediate conceptions and +explaining away inaccuracies as they occur, than to seek severe +precision in the first instance. Hesitation is the death of eloquence; +and precision, like every other power, will increase by being +exercised. It is doubtless understood that I do not speak of orations +already written and digested; but of speeches in reply, in which any +laboured preparation is impossible.' + +His lordship applauded the solution of the difficulty, and some of the +company observed the orator had given the history of his own mind. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +_Literary labours continued: The thermometer of hope still rising: The +sermon and the disappointed cravings of vanity_ + + +To carry on two controversies at the same time was certainly +favourable to neither; except that abuse, or something very like it, +being the key common to both, the subjects were so far in unison. +Politics afforded me strong temptations, but theology was still +predominant. The thirty-nine articles consequently were not neglected. +Memory was taxed, my own manuscripts were examined, and authorities +were consulted. His lordship's library abounded in political +information, but not in theological, and I had recourse to that of the +British Museum. + +I did not indeed compose with all the rapidity with which I wrote +my first political effusion; for I had not only been rendered more +cautious, but, exclusive of the conversations and employment which the +peer afforded me, a regular attention was to be paid to the levees of +the bishop. + +To these the sedulous Enoch carefully accompanied me; for no man +pursued his own interest, as far as he understood it, with greater +avidity. Circumstances were unfavourable, or he would certainly have +been a bishop himself. Learning, talents, and virtue might have been +dispensed with, but not these and the total want of patronage. + +The bishop, finding us thus continually paired, one day gave me a +hint that he should be glad to see me the next time alone. Without +suspecting the motive, I was careful to comply with the request; and +the ensuing morning, the right reverend dignitary, no other person +being present, gave me to understand that he had read my sermon with +satisfaction. + +After this and various other circumlocutory efforts and hints, he at +last spoke more plainly. The subject was a good one, and he had an +inclination to deliver it himself, at one of the cathedrals where he +intended to preach. But then it must be in consequence of a positive +assurance, from me, that I should act with discretion. He did not want +sermons; he had enough: but this pleased him: though, if it were known +it were a borrowed discourse, especially borrowed from so young a man +not yet in orders, it might derogate from episcopal dignity. + +Enraptured at the fund of self approbation which I collected from all +this, I ardently replied, 'I knew not how to express my sense of the +honour his lordship did me; that I could neither be so absurd as to +offend his lordship nor so unjust as to be insensible of his favours; +that I held the sacerdotal character to be too sacred to suffer any +man to trifle with it, much less to be guilty of the crime myself; +and that, if his lordship would oblige me by fulfilling his kind +intention, my lips should be irrevocably and for ever closed. The +honour would be an ample reward, and, whatever my wishes might be, it +was more than I could have hoped and greater perhaps than I deserved.' + +It might well be expected that at this age I should fall into a +mistake common to mankind, and consider secrecy as a virtue; yet +I think it strange that I did not soon detect the duplicity of my +conduct, nor imagine there was any guilt in being the agent of deceit. +But this proves that my morality had not yet taught me rigidly to +chastise myself into truth; nor had it been in the least aided by the +example of the agreeable Enoch. Perhaps I did not even, at the moment, +suspect myself to be guilty of exaggeration. + +Notwithstanding the caution given me, no sooner had I quitted the +ghostly governor than I hastened to my little upright friend. Tell him +indeed I must not: honour, shame, principle, forbade. Yet to keep the +good news wholly secret would be to render the severe covenant cruel. +What could be done? + +Enoch perceived a part of my transport, and reproached me for not +having called to take him with me. This was too fair an opportunity to +miss. I answered the bishop had desired to see me alone that morning. +'Indeed!' said the suspicious pastor. 'What could be his lordship's +reason for that? Have I given offence?' 'No, no,' answered I, with a +condescending look to calm his fears; 'but I am not at liberty to tell +you the reason. There will be no breach of confidence however in my +informing you that his lordship is to preach, next Sunday sevennight, +at--cathedral. Many of the clergy, as I have gathered from him, are to +be present; and he intends to make doctrinal points the subject of his +discourse. He expects the attendance of his friends, no doubt, and I +shall be there.' 'And I too,' said Enoch, 'though I should be obliged +to pay a guinea at my chapel for a substitute.' + +This point gained and my vanity thus disburthened, I left the divine +man, and hastened to Bruton-street, to defend subscription with ten +fold vigor. My young laurels were ripening apace: they were already +in bud, and were suddenly to bloom. Every new sprig of success burst +forth in new arguments, new tropes, and new denunciations. My margin +was loaded with the names of High Church heroes, and my manuscript +began to swell to a formidable size. + +Mean while the day of exultation came, and I and Enoch, with Miss +and her Mamma, for I could not be satisfied with less than the whole +family, repaired early to the cathedral, bribed the verger, procured +ourselves places, and rallied our devout emotions as stedfastly as we +could, amid the indecent riot of boys, the monotony of the responses, +and the apathy of the whole choir. + +In spite of all my efforts and aspirings, never was service more +tedious. The blissful minute at length came! His lordship, robed, in +solemn procession, moved magnificently toward the pulpit. The lawn +expanded, dignity was in every fold, and what had been great before +seemed immeasurable! Mamma blessed herself, at the spectacle of power +so spiritualized! Miss protested it was immense! Enoch was ready to +fall down and worship! I myself did little less than adore: but it was +the golden calf of my own creating; it was the divine rhapsody that +was immediately to burst upon and astonish the congregation. + +The right reverend father in God began, and with him very unexpectedly +began my dissatisfaction. His voice was thick, his delivery +spiritless, and his candences ridiculous. His soul was so overlaid +with brawn and dignity that, though it heaved, panted, and struggled, +it could never once get vent. Speaking through his apoplectic organs, +I could not understand myself: it was a mumbling hubbub, the drone of +a bagpipe, and the tantalizing strum strum of a hurdy-gurdy! Never +was hearer more impatient to have it begin; never was hearer better +pleased to have it over! Every sentence did but increase the fever of +my mind. Enoch himself perceived it, though he could not discover the +cause. The orator indeed produced no emotion in him, but that was not +wonderful. The effect was quite as good as he expected! He had never, +I believe, been entertained at a sermon in his life; not even at his +own. He went to hear sermons sometimes, because it was decorous, +because he was a parson, and because it was his trade to preach them; +but never with any intention to enlarge his mind or improve his +morals. + +His lordship however had no sooner descended than he was encircled by +as many flatterers as thought they had any right to approach; among +whom, to my shame be it spoken, I was one. I did not indeed applaud +either his discourse or his delivery; I was not quite so depraved, nor +so wholly forgetful of the feelings he had excited! but I laboured out +an aukward panegyric on the important duties he had to fulfil, and on +the blessing it was to a nation, when worthy persons were chosen to +fill such high offices. Thus endeavouring to quiet my conscience by +a quibble, and with a half faced lie make him believe what it was +impossible I could mean. + +The discourse too was praised abundantly. It was divine! His lordship +had never delivered more serious and alarming truths! But though no +man could be better convinced that in reality this was all fact, +yet coming from them I knew it to be all falsehood. They could not +characterize what they could not hear; and the maukish adulation +curdled even upon my digestive stomach. + +The lesson however certainly did me good, though it had yet but little +influence upon my conduct. + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +_The critic once more consulted in vain: The Bishop less fastidious: +The playhouse: Elbows and knees or virtue in danger: Mrs. Jordan_ + + +It was possible I found, under the rose be it spoken, even for a +bishop to be a blockhead: but, if that bishop had sense enough to +discern my good qualities, I ought not to be the most unrelenting of +his censurers. My defence of the articles would indeed do its own +business: yet to come forth under episcopal auspices was an advantage +by which it was perhaps my duty to profit. + +Politics necessarily had their interval; but, though this created +delay, my manuscript was at length finished, fairly recopied, and +impatient to be applauded. + +Again the ghost of Turl haunted me. Not with terror! No: I had +prepared a charm, that could arrest or exorcise the evil spirit. Let +him but fairly meet me on this ground and I would hurl defiance at +him. + +Refrain I could not, and to him I went. I was surprised to find him at +work, engraving! 'Does he,' said I, 'pretend to learning, taste, and +genius, yet stoop to this drudgery?' + +It was a good prefatory pretext to introduce my main design, and I +asked his reason for chusing such an employment? He answered it was +to gain a living, by administering as little as he could to the false +wants and vices of men, and at the same time to pursue a plan, on +which he was intent. + +This plan he did not voluntarily mention; and, as my eagerness was all +nestling in my manuscript, I made no further inquiry. It was presently +produced. 'I have two or three times,' said I, 'Mr. Turl, intruded +upon you, and am come to trouble you once more. I have been writing a +pamphlet, and should again be glad to have your opinion. I know before +you open it you are inimical to its doctrines, although I think them +demonstrable. But perhaps you will find arguments in it which you +might not expect: and if not, I still should be glad to have your +judgment of it, as a composition. It contains a defence of the +thirty-nine articles, and indisputable proofs of the duty of religious +conformity.' + +Turl paused for a moment, and then replied: 'I would most willingly, +Mr. Trevor, comply with your desire, were I not convinced of its +absolute inutility. The question has long been decided in my mind. +No arguments can prove a right, in any man or any body of men, to +tyrannize over my conscience. To find a standard to measure space and +duration has hitherto baffled all attempts; but to erect a standard to +equalize the thoughts of the whole human race is a disposition that +is both hateful and absurd. Should you understand the sincerity with +which I speak as hostile to yourself, you will do me wrong. Were it in +my power to render you service, few men would be more willing; but on +this occasion it certainly is not.' + +I replied with some pique, 'To condemn any man, any question, or +any cause unheard, Sir, is neither the act of a Christian nor of a +philosopher.' + +'Christians, Mr. Trevor,' answered he, 'are so different from each +other, that what the act of a Christian may be is more than I know: +but, if I may speak as a philosopher, it is an immoral act to waste +time in doing any one thing, if there can be any other done that will +contribute more to the public good.' + +'Do you think, Mr. Turl,' retorted I with indignation, 'that making +scratches, with a bit of steel on a bit of copper, is contributing +more to the public good than the examination of a question of so +much importance?'--'No, Mr. Trevor: but, I repeat, I have examined +the question; and whenever the public good shall make it my duty, +am willing to examine it again. I am not I think so called upon at +present, and I therefore must decline the task. I could wish you were +not to leave me in anger, for I assure you I have an affection for +your genius. But it may now be said to be in a state of ferment: when +it subsides, if I do not mistake, it will brighten, and contribute I +hope to the greatest and best of purposes. + +'Upon my honour, Mr. Turl, you are a strange person!' + +So saying, I hastily put my manuscript in my pocket and took my +leave: offended with his peremptory refusal, but half appeased by the +something more than compliment with which it was concluded. + +This market always failed me; but I had one that was better calculated +for my ware, which was immediately open to me. I hastened to the +bishop, displayed my precious cargo, and did not fail to report +its value. I stated my principal arguments and boldly affirmed, in +conformity with the most approved leaders of our church, that the +articles were to be interpreted in an Arminian sense, and that +only; that is strictly in regard to the Trinitarian controversy, +and liberally in the questions of predestination and grace. Nothing +according to my reasoning could be more plain than that they were +purposely left ambiguous, in these matters, by the compilers; +in favour to men in their public capacity, who I admitted in +their private were treated by them as heretics, blasphemers, and +anti-christs. I allowed no quarter to those who fixed the standard +of orthodoxy a hair's breadth higher or lower than I had done; +and attacked, with a virulence that shewed I was totally blind to +the lameness of my own cause, the socinianizing clergy, who dared +subscribe in defiance of the grossness of their heresy, and the +Calvinists, who had the impudence to understand the articles in the +sense in which their authors wrote them. + +Then I had a formidable army of authorities! The fathers: Tertullian, +Chrysostom, Austin, Jerome! The famous high church men: archbishops, +bishops, deans and doctors; from Whitgift to Waterland, from Rogers +to Rutherforth! Them I marshalled in dread array, a host invincible! +The church thundered by my lips! I created myself the organ of her +anathemas, and stood forth her self-elected champion. + +All this I detailed to my right reverend patron, who heaved his +cumbrous eye-brows, and gazed approbation while I spoke. I was so full +of myself and my subject, repeated sounding names and apt quotations +with such volubility, and imparted my own firm conviction that this +was the death blow to non-conformity with such force, that the rotund +man felt some small portion of sympathy, looked forward to happy +times, and began to hope he might see the thrones dominions powers +and principalities of the church re-established, and flourishing once +more! Had this been his only motive, however false his tenets, he +would have acted from a virtuous intention; but he had another, with +which the reader will in due time be acquainted. + +Thus favourably prepossessed, I left my manuscript for his perusal; +and he treated me with as much condescension as, for a client so +undignified, he could persuade himself to assume. + +It must not be forgotten that Enoch was present: this my vanity and +his cunning required. He played his part. His congratulations of his +young friend, and his amazement at his lordship's most prodigious +goodness, would have risen to ecstacy, if ecstacy and Enoch could +possibly have been acquainted. + +We hied back to Suffolk street, where our good news was as usual +related. I had my vanity to feed, and the family had their views. + +Miss had been presented with two box tickets, for the benefit of a +capital performer. The inimitable Mrs. Jordan was to play the Country +Girl, and I was invited by the family and pressed by Miss to accept of +one of them, and accompany her to the theatre. + +I was not of a saturnine and cold complexion; and, fearful and +guarded as Miss was against rakes, I had some latent apprehension +that the tempter might be at hand. But the play-house was the region +of delight. Mrs. Jordan I had never seen, and to reject a lady's +invitation was as cowardly as to refuse a gentleman's challenge. + +I had not yet philosophy enough for either, and at the appointed hour +a hackney coach was in waiting, and I and Miss Eliza, accompanied +by Enoch who had business in the Temple, were driven to Drury Lane +Theatre. + +Places were kept, we took our seats, and the play began. So intent was +I, on plot, incident, character, wit, and humour, that, had I been +left unmolested, I fear I should have totally forgotten Miss Eliza. +But that was no part of her plan: at least it was no part of her +practice. Our knees soon became very intimate, and had frequent +meetings of a very sentimental kind: for, she being courageous enough +to advance, could I be the poltroon to retreat? They were however very +good and loving neighbours, and the language they spoke was peculiarly +impressive. The whole subject before us was love, and intrigue, +and the way to torment the jealous. Whenever a significant passage +occurred, and that was very often, either the feet, or the legs, or +the elbows of Miss and me came in contact. Our eyes too might have +met, but that I did not understand her traverse sailing. Commentaries, +conveyed in a whisper, were continual. Her glances, shot athwart, +frequently exclaimed--'Oh la!' and the fan, half concealing their +significance, often enough increased the interjection to--'Oh fie!' +The remarks of Miss, ocular and oral, were very pointed, and it must +be owned that she was a great master of the subject. Whenever the tone +of libertine gallantry occurred, she was ready with--'There! That's +you! There! There you are again! Well, I protest! Was any thing ever +so like? That is you to a T!' + +I must tell the truth, and acknowledge she created no little +perturbation in my inward man. My thoughts were attracted this way, +and hurried that. The divine Mrs. Jordan for one moment made me all +her own. Miss insisted on having me to herself the next. Then came +theology, a dread of Eve and her apple, supported by a still more +redoubtable combatant, virtue, with her fair but inflexible face! +And could Olivia, the gentle, the angelic, the beaming Olivia, such +as I remembered her in days of early innocence, such as I beheld her +reclining in my arms as I bore her from the dangerous waters, could +love be the theme and she forgotten? No! There was not a day in which +that phenomenon happened; and on such occasions never. Why I thought +on her, or what I meant, I seldom staid in inquire; for that was a +question that would have given exquisite pain, had I not remembered +that the world was soon to be at my command. + +But Olivia was absent, and I had entered the lists with a very +different heroine. Through play and farce there was no cessation to +the combat; and, in spite of the fencing and warding of prudence, +before the curtain finally dropped I own I felt myself a little +breathed. + +The foot-boy was to attend, with a hackney coach. I led my fair +Thalestris into the lobby, where Miss Ellis's carriage was +vociferated, from mouth to mouth, with as much eclat as if she had +been a dutchess. + +The foot-boy made his appearance, but no carriage alas was there. Why +I was partly sorry and partly glad I leave the reader to divine. It +rained violently, and it was with difficulty that I could procure +a chair. Into this conveyance Miss Ellis was handed; I was left to +provide for myself, and a storm in the heavens fortunately relieved +the storm of the passions. The last flash of their lightening +exhausted itself in the squeeze of the hand, which I gave Miss before +the chairmen shut the door; or rather in that which she gave me in +return. Disappointed men often rail at accident, whereas they ought +to avow that what they call accident has frequently been the guardian +of what they call their honour. I returned home, where, full of the +delightful ideas which the fascinating Jordan had inspired, I retraced +those discriminating divine touches, by which she communicates such +repeated and uncommon pleasure. She is indeed a potent sorceress: but +not even her incantations could exclude the august and virgin spirit +of Olivia from again rising to view. As for Miss Eliza, keep her but +at a hair-breadth distance and she was utterly harmless. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +_Possibilities are infinite, or great events in embrio: A bishop's +dinner and a dean's devotion: A discovery: Clerical conversation: The +way to rise in the church_ + + +By this time my political labours began to wear a respectable +appearance. A third letter had been published, and a fourth was +preparing. I was in high favour. Men of all ranks visited the earl; +and dukes, lords, and barons became as familiar to me as gowns and +caps had formerly been in the streets of Oxford. I stood on the very +pinnacle of fortune; and, proud of my skill, like a rope-dancer that +casts away his balancing pole, I took pleasure in standing on tiptoe. +Noticed by the leading men, caressed and courted by their dependants, +politics encouraging me on this hand, and theology inviting me +on that, the whole world seemed to be smiles and sunshine; and I +discovered that none but blockheads had any cause to complain of its +injuries and its storms. + +Having eased myself for the present of my load of divinity, my fourth +letter required no long time to finish. I hastened with it to his +lordship, my spirits mounting as usual. He took it, but not with his +former eagerness; read it, praised it, but with less of that zeal +which interested hope supplies. + +I remarked the change, and began to inquire what was my fault? 'None,' +replied his lordship. 'Your letter is excellent! charming! every thing +I could wish!'--'Then I may send it to the press?'--'No: I would wish +you not to do that.'--'My lord!'--'Leave it with me. Wait a few days +and perhaps you may hear of something that will surprise and please +you.'--'Indeed, my lord!' + +I stood fixed, with inquiring eyes, hungry after more information. But +this was not granted; except that, with a significant smile, he told +me he had an engagement of importance for the morning: and with this +hint I retired. + +It was impossible for me to hear so much, and no more, and to forbear +forming conjectures. There was going to be a new ministry! It could +not be otherwise! + +Mr. *** soon afterward knocked at the door. I looked through the +window and saw his carriage. I went to the head of the stairs and +heard him received, by the earl, with every expression of welcome! + +I had now no doubt but that a place, if I would accept it, would +incontinently be bestowed on me; and it was almost painful to think +that my future plans were of an opposite kind. Yet, why opposite? +Churchmen were not prohibited the circle of politics. My station would +be honourable, for they would not think of offering me trifles. And +why not step from the treasury bench to the bench of bishops? Let but +the love of the state and the love of the church be there, and neither +seat would suffer contamination. + +A revolution of fortune was certainly at hand: what it was I could not +accurately foresee, but that it would be highly favourable no man in +his senses could have the least doubt: such was my creed. + +The very next day I received a note from the bishop, inviting me to +partake of a family dinner, with him and his niece. So it is! And +so true is the proverb: it never rains but it pours! Good fortune +absolutely persecuted me! Honours fell so thick at my feet that I had +not time to stoop and pick them up! In the present humour of things, +I knew not whether I might not be invited, before the morrow came, to +dine with a party of prime ministers, and be elected their president. + +Mean time however I thought proper to accept the bishop's invitation; +and, as nothing better did actually intervene, when the hour came I +kept my appointment. + +Being there, the footman led me up to the drawing-room; in which were +a lady, who curtsying told me the bishop would soon be down, and the +Dean of ----, another rosy gilled son of the church. I have often +asked myself--'Why are butchers, tallow-chandlers, cook-maids, +and church dignitaries so inclined to be fat?' but I could never +satisfactorily resolve the question. + +His lordship soon made his appearance; and, having first paid his +obedience to the dean, he took the lady by the hand, and presenting +her to me said--'This, Mr. Trevor, is my niece; who I dare say will be +glad to be acquainted with you.' Bows, curtsies, and acknowledgments +of honours conferred, were things of course. + +Miss Wilmot, that was the lady's name, Miss Wilmot and I made attempts +to entertain each other. Her person was tall, her shape taper, her +complexion delicate, and her demeanour easy. Her remarks were not +profound, but they were delivered without pretension. She was more +inclined to let the conversation die away than to sustain it by that +flux of tongue, which afflicted the ear at the house of the Ellis's. +Her countenance was strongly marked with melancholy; and a languid +endeavour to please seemed to have been the result of study, and to +have grown into habit. + +Our attention was soon called to another quarter. 'Dinner! dinner! +gentlemen,' exclaimed the right reverend father. 'Come, come; we must +not let the dinner get cold! Do any thing rather than spoil my dinner! +I cannot forgive that.' + +Away we went. When a bishop has the happiness to be ready for his +dinner, his dinner is sure to be ready for him. Hunger three times +a day is the blessing he would first pray for. No remiss cooks, no +delays for politeness sake there. Nor is there any occasion: scandal +itself cannot tax the clergy with want of punctuality, at the hour of +dinner. + +We sat down. The lady carved. There were three of us, for she ate +little. But, heaven bless me! she had work enough! It was like boys +fighting, one down and the other come on! I might wonder about the +fattening of butchers and tallow-chandlers as I pleased, but the last +part of my wonder was over. I was no mean demolisher of pudding and +pie-crust myself; but lord! I was an infant. 'You don't eat, Mr. +Trevor!' said the lady. 'You don't eat, Mr. Trevor!' said the dean. +'You don't eat, Mr. Trevor!' blubbered the bishop. Yet never had I +been so gorged since the first night at Oxford; and scarcely then. + +I would have held it out to the last; for who would not honour the +cloth? But the thing could not be, and I fairly laid down my knife and +fork in despair. 'Lord! Mr. Trevor! why you have not done?' was the +general chorus. 'There is another course coming!' + +It was in vain: man is but man. I fell to at first like the rest, +thinking that the engagement though hot would be soon over; but I +little knew the doughty heroes, with whom I had entered the lists. +The chiefs of Homer, with their chines and goblets and canisters of +bread, would have been unequal to the contest. I had time enough to +contemplate the bishop; I thought I beheld him quaffing suffocation +and stowing in apoplexy; and Homer's simile of the ox and Agamemnon +forced itself strongly upon me: + + So while he feeds, luxurious in the stall, + The sov'reign of the herd is doom'd to fall. + +Neither did their eating end with the second course. The table was no +sooner cleared of the cloth, and the racy wine with double rows of +glasses again placed in array, than almonds, raisins, olives, oranges, +Indian conserves, and biscuits deviled, covered the board! To it +again they fell, with unabating vigour! I soon found reason to leave +them, but I doubt whether for three hours their mouths were once seen +motionless! In the act of error its enormity escapes detection. I had +momentary intervals, in which I philosophised on the scene before me; +but not deeply. I was a partaker of the vice, and my astonishment at +it was by no means so great then as it is now. + +But there was another circumstance at which it was even extreme, and +mingled with high indignation. I was ignorant of the clerical maxim, +that the absence of the profane washes the starch out of lawn. +Hypocrisy avaunt! They are then at liberty to _unbend_! I was soon +better informed. The bishop and the dean, Miss Wilmot being still +present, the moment the devil of gluttony would give them leisure, +could find no way of amusing themselves so effectually as by +attempting to call up the devil of lust. Allusions that were evidently +their common-place table talk, and that approached as nearly as they +durst venture to obscenity, were their pastime. With these they +tickled their fancy till it gurgled in their throats, applied to Miss +Wilmot to give it a higher gusto, and, while they hypocritically +avoided words which the ear could not endure, they taxed their dull +wit to conjure up their corresponding ideas. I must own that, in my +mind, poor mother church at that moment made but a pitiful appearance. + +Disgusted with their impotent efforts to make their brain the common +sewer of Joe Miller, I at last started up, with difficulty bridled my +anger, and addressing myself to the lady said, 'Shall we retire to +your tea table, Miss Wilmot?' 'Ay, do, do!' replied the father in God. +'Try, Liddy, if you can entertain Mr. Trevor: we will stay by our +bottle.' + +I led her out; and I leave the initiated to guess with what episcopal +reverence All saints and their Mother were introduced, the moment the +lady's back was turned. + +In the course of conversation with the lady, I thought I remarked +many strong traits of resemblance between her and my former friend +and instructor, the usher of the grammar school, whose name also was +Wilmot. The name perhaps was the circumstance that turned my thoughts +into that channel; and the fancied likeness between them soon +increased upon me so forcibly, that I could no longer forbear to +relate all that I knew concerning him, and to inquire if he were her +relation? + +While I spoke, she changed colour; and after some hesitation answered, +'he is my brother.'--'And the nephew of his lordship?'-- + +Her flushings and hesitation were increased. 'I am sorry, madam,' +said I, 'if I have been indiscreet.' She answered, in a feeble and +inarticulate manner, 'he stands in the same relationship to the bishop +that I do.' + +The feelings of the lady turned my attention, and prevented me from +noticing the ambiguity of the reply. 'I respected and loved your +brother, madam,' continued I. 'His stay was but short after I left +the school, and I have not heard of him since. Is he in London?'--'I +believe so; but I do not know where.' + +Every question gave additional pain, and I dropped the subject with +saying, that I was happy to be acquainted with the sister of a man who +had so essentially aided me in my education, and for whom I had the +highest esteem. + +I thought I perceived the tears struggling to get vent, and to relieve +her I made a short visit to the dignitaries--who were--not drunk! +Beware of scandal! Calumny itself could not say that madeira, port, +and brandy mingled could make them drunk! Madeira port and brandy +mingled were but digestives. No: I found the bishop relating one +of the principal incidents of his life; which incident it was his +practice to relate every day after dinner. + +'And so, Mr. Dean, it was the first day, after I had been consecrated +a bishop, that I appeared in my full canonicals. And so you know the +young gentlemen [He was speaking of the Westminster boys] had never +seen me in them; because, as I was a saying, it was the first day of +my putting them on. And so, Mr. Dean, as it was the first day of my +putting them on, they had placed themselves all of a row, for to see +me pass through them; because, as I say, it was the first day of my +putting them on. And you can't think, Mr. Dean, what an alteration it +made! Every body told me so! and the young gentlemen as I passed, I +assure you, when they saw me with my lawn sleeves and quite in full +decoration, being the first day of my putting them on, they all bowed; +and I assure you behaved with the greatest respect you can think. For +as I tell you it was the first day of my putting them on; so they had +never seen me in them before; so, I assure you, they bowed and behaved +with the greatest respect. They seemed quite surprized, I made such +an appearance! And so, I assure you, they bowed and behaved with the +greatest respect; for as I was a saying, it was the first day of my +putting them on. Perhaps, Mr. Trevor, you never heard the story of my +first appearing in my canonicals? I'll tell it you!' + +His lordship then began the story again. He had not a single +circumstance to add; yet he would not be stopped in his career by my +assuring him that I had heard the whole. + +His lordship and the dean then began a discourse concerning the clubs, +of which they were both members; with inquiries after and annotations +on prebends, archdeacons, and doctors, that had the honour to +gluttonize together on these occasions. This, though highly amusing to +them, was intolerable dulness to me, and I returned to Miss Wilmot. + +At nine o'clock, the dean's carriage was at the door, and he departed. +He was a great lover of decorum. + +I was preparing to follow his example; but his lordship joined us, and +desired me to sit down for half an hour; he had something to say to +me. Wondering what it could be, I readily complied. + +He then began to ask me, how I liked his niece? and to talk of +this and the other young clergymen, who had risen in the church by +matrimony. Miss Wilmot I perceived was greatly embarrassed. I listened +to him with some surprise; for I had nothing to say. He concluded his +remarks with telling me, that we would talk more on these subjects +another time. + +While the dean had been present, the turn of the conversation was such +that, though I made two or three aukward attempts, I could find no +opportunity of introducing my defence of the articles. I was now more +successful, and his lordship told me it was well written; certainly +very well written. He had read it himself, and had consulted two or +three very sound divines. + +I had no doubt of the fact, yet was glad to hear it confirmed, +especially by testimonies that I persuaded myself must be good, and +expressed my satisfaction. 'Yes,' said his lordship; 'your defence +is very well written, Mr. Trevor; and I have something to say to you +about that matter. But I am a little drowsy at present. Ring for my +night cap, niece! If you will be with me to-morrow morning at ten +o'clock, Mr. Trevor, we'll talk the thing over.' + +I then bade the lady and his lordship good night, and returned to +Bruton-street, with my brain swimming with cogitations concerning +bishops, nieces, deans, articles, sound divines, the church, the sons +of the church, sensuality, obscenity, and innumerable associating +but discordant ideas, that bred a strange confusion and darkness of +intellect. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +_The killing of the goose with the golden eggs_ + + +The next morning my first business was with the bishop, and I took +good care to be punctual. I knew not very well why, but the ardour +of my expectations was in some sort abated. The preaching my sermon +clandestinely, the niece, and the young clergymen that made their +fortune by matrimony, were none of them in unison with the open and +just dealing which was requisite to my success. The forebodings at +which people have so often marvelled are, when they happen, nothing +more than perceptions of incongruity, that disturb the mind. Of this +kind of disturbing I was conscious. + +I repaired however to my post, and was ushered up to the prelate. He +began with telling me what an orthodox divine the dean was, who dined +with us the day before; and how sure he was of rising in the church. I +could make no answer. Rise in the church he probably would; for facts +are facts; and I had sufficient proof before me. + +My ready compliance with the first act of deceit, that he had required +from me, had not given him reason to suspect he should find me more +scrupulous than many others, whom he had made subservient to his +purposes. What measure had he for my conscience, but the standard that +regulated his own? The caution therefore that he practised with me was +only that which the routine of cunning had made habitual. Introductory +topics were soon discarded: he began to talk of his niece, and again +asked if I did not think her an agreeable handsome young lady? Of her +person and manners I had no unfavourable opinion, and replied in the +affirmative. 'I assure you, Mr. Trevor,' said he, 'she thinks very +well of you!'--'Nay, my lord, she has seen me but once.'--'Oh, no +matter for that. Who knows but you may come to be better acquainted? +especially if something that I have to say to you be taken _right_. +You are a likely young man, Mr. Trevor; and may be a promising young +man. I don't know: that is as things shall happen, and according as +you shall understand things, and be prudent.' + +This was a vile preface: it contained more forebodings. But I was +so eager for an explanation that I had scarcely time for augury. He +continued-- + +'You have been to Oxford, Mr. Trevor, and you have studied. I was +at Oxford, and I studied, and read Greek, and the fathers, and the +schoolmen, and other matters: but all that there won't do alone, Mr. +Trevor. A young man must be prudent. I was prudent, or I should never +have been this day what I am now sitting here, nor what it may happen +I may be. But all that is as things shall happen to come to pass. We +have all of us a right to look forward; and so I would have you look +forward, Mr. Trevor. That is the only prudent way.' + +More and more impatient, I answered his lordship, I would be as +prudent as I could; and again requested he would explain himself. + +'Why yes, Mr. Trevor; that is what I mean. You are a young man. I +don't know you, but you come recommended to me, by my very learned +friends. You have not the cares of the church to trouble you, and +so you fill up your idle time with writing.'--'My lord!'--'Nay, Mr. +Trevor, you write very prettily. I could write too, but I have not +time. I never had time. I had aways a deal of business on my hands: +persons of distinction to visit, when I was young, and to take care +not to disoblige. That is a main point of prudence, Mr. Trevor; never +disoblige your superiors. But I dare say you have more sense: and so, +if that be the case, why you will make friends, as I did. I will be +one of them; and I will recommend you, Mr. Trevor, and introduce you, +and every thing may be to the satisfaction of all parties.'-- + +'Well, but how, my lord?' + +'Why you have written a defence of the articles: now do you wish +to make a friend?'--'I wish for the friendship of all good men, my +lord.'--'That is right! To be sure! And you can keep a secret?'--'I +have proved that I can, my lord.'--'Why that is right! And perhaps +you would be glad to see your defence in print?'--'I should, my +lord.'--'Why that is right! And, if it would serve a friend to +put another name to the work--?'--'My lord!' 'Nay, if you have +any objection, I shall say no more!' 'I do not comprehend your +lordship?'--'A work, Mr. Trevor, would not sell the worse, or be +less read, or less famous, for having a dignified name in the +title-page.'--'Your lordship's, for example?'--'Nay, I did not +say that! But, if you are a prudent young man, and should have +no objection?'--'I find I am not the man your lordship has +supposed!--'Nay!'--'I will be no participator in falsehood, private or +public!'--'Falsehood, Sir! What interpretation are you putting upon my +words? I thought you had been a prudent young man, Mr. Trevor! I was +willing to have been your friend! But I have done!'--'My lord, I must +be free enough to declare, I neither understand the friendship nor the +morality of the proposition.'--'Sir! morality! Is that language, Sir? +Morality! I am sorry I have been deceived!'--'I have been equally so, +my lord, and am equally sorry! I wish your lordship a good morning.' + +Away I came, and in my vexation totally forgot to redemand my +manuscript. I recollected it however while within sight of the door, +and turned back. I knocked, asked for his lordship, and was told +he was not at home! This profligate impudence exceeded belief, and +my choler became ungovernable. 'His lordship,' exclaimed I to the +footman, 'is a disgrace to the bench on which he sits!' The footman +thrust the door in my face, and epithets then burst from me, that were +a disgrace to myself. + +I hurried homeward, determined to give vent to my feelings in a +letter, and half determined that it should be publicly addressed +to the rank hypocrite, signed by my own name. My angry imagination +teemed forth the biting taunts that should sting him to madness, and +the broad shame with which he was to be overwhelmed. Active memory +retraced each circumstance, that could blacken the object of my +present contempt and abhorrence; and every trait increased the +bitterness of my gall, and made my boiling blood more hot. Was this a +pastor of the church? a follower of Christ? a Christian bishop? The +question astonished and exasperated me almost to frenzy. + +In this temper I arrived in Bruton-street, where another very +unexpected scene awaited me. The earl I was told, had inquired for me, +and desired to see me the moment I should be at home. The message, by +turning my thoughts into a new channel, gave relief to the impetuous +tide of passion. The gloomy scene instantly brightened into prospects +the most cheering and opposite. It was good to have two strings to +the bow, especially as this second was of so firm and inflexible a +texture. + +All my favourable forebodings were confirmed, when, on entering, I +observed the smiles that played on his lordship's countenance! He was +in a most pleasant humour. 'I hinted to you, Mr. Trevor,' said he, +'that I should probably have something agreeable soon to communicate!' + +His words gave certainly to expectation! They uttered volumes of +rapture in a breath! The fresh laurels of politics sprouted forth with +tenfold vigour, and the withered fig-tree of theology was totally +forgotten! + +'There is likely to be a change in affairs then, my lord?' said I, +smiling in rapturous sympathy as I spoke--'There is.'--'Mr. *** +has been with your lordship several times, I think?'--'Yes, yes; +I am courted by all parties, at present'--'Indeed, my lord! Then +Themistocles has become formidable?'--'Yes, yes! I have made them +feel me!'--'I am glad that I have been instrumental.'--'Certainly, +Mr. Trevor; certainly. An architect cannot build palaces with his +own hands. But we will not talk of that: we must complete the work +we have begun'--'And publish our fourth letter?'--'By no means, Mr. +Trevor! that would ruin all!' For a moment I was speechless! At last I +ejaculated--'My lord!'--'Things at present wear a very different face! +we must now write on the other side. You seem surprised?' Well might +he say so! I was thunderstruck! 'But I will tell you a secret. The +minister and I are friends! I send four members into the house; and +if government had not expended five times the sum that it cost me, to +carry their elections, I should have sent three more. I have attacked +the minister in the house by my votes; I have attacked him in the +papers by my writings: so, finding I wielded my two edged sword with +such resolution and activity, he has thought proper to beat a parley. +He acknowledges that the fifty thousand pounds the election contest +cost me were expended in support of our excellent constitution, and +that I ought to be rewarded for my patriotism. His offers are liberal, +and peace is concluded. We must now vere about, and this was the +business for which I wanted you. A good casuist you know, Mr. Trevor, +can defend both sides of a question; and I have no doubt but that you +will appear with as much brilliancy, as a panegyrist, as you have +done, as a satirist.' + +How long I remained in that state of painful stupefaction into which +I had been thrown, at the very commencement of this harangue, is more +than I can say: but, as soon as I could recover some little presence +of mind, I replied--'You, my lord, no doubt have your own reasons; +which, to you, are a justification of your own conduct. For my part, +when I wrote against the minister, it was not against the man. A +desire to abash vice, advance the virtuous, and promote the good of +mankind, were my motives!'--'Mr. Trevor, I find you are a young man: +you do not know the world'--The scene with the bishop was acting over +again, and I felt myself bursting once more with indignation. With +ineffable contempt in every feature of my face, I answered--'If a +knowledge of the world consists in servility, selfishness, and the +practice of deceit, I hope I never shall know it.'--'You strangely +forget yourself, Mr. Trevor!'--'I am not of that opinion, my lord. I +rather think, it was the man who could suppose me capable of holding +the pen of prostitution that strangely forgot himself!' + +His lordship hemmed, rang his bell, hummed a tune, and wished me a +good morning; and I rushed out of his apartment and hurried up to +my own, where I found myself suddenly released from all my labours, +and at full leisure to ruminate on all the theological and political +honours that were to fall so immediately and profusely upon me. + +And here it is worthy of remark that I did not accuse myself; for +I did not recollect that I had been in the least guilty. Yet when +the earl had asked me to write letters, that were to be supposed by +the public the production of his own pen, I had then no qualms of +conscience; and when the bishop invited me to favour falsehood, by +attributing my best written sermon to him, I concurred in the request +with no less facility. When deceit was not to favour but to counteract +my plans, its odious immorality then rushed upon me. Men are so +much in a hurry, to obtain the end, that they frequently forget to +scrutinize the means. As for my own part, far from supposing that I +had been a participator in guilt, I felt a consciousness of having +acted with self-denying and heroic virtue. This was my only armour, +against the severe pangs with which I was so unexpectedly assaulted. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +_Gloomy meditations, or pills for the passions: More of Enoch's +morality: Turl improves, yet is still unaccountable and almost +profane: Consecrated things: Themistocles and vengeance: A love +scene: More marriage plots: And a tragi-comic denouement: The fate of +Themistocles: The manuscript in danger_ + + +I shut the door upon myself, as it were to conceal my disgrace, and +for a considerable time traversed the room in an agony of contending +passions. Rage, amazement, contempt of myself, abhorrence of my +insidious patrons, and a thirst of vengeance devoured me. At length I +was seized with a bitter sense of disappointment, and a fit of deep +despondency. My calculations had been so indubitable, my progress so +astonishing, and my future elevation in prospect so immeasurable, that +to see myself thus puffed down, as it were, from the very pinnacle not +of hope but of certainty, was more than my philosophy had yet learned +to support with any shew of equanimity. I sunk on my chair, where I +sat motionless, in silence, gloom, and painful meditation; groaning +in spirit, as tormenting fancy conjured up the dazzling scenes, with +which she had lately been so actively familiar. + +I was roused from my trance at last by the recollection that I was in +the house of the earl, and starting up, as if to spurn contamination +from me, I hurried out, to ease my heart by relating the whole story +in Suffolk street, and to procure myself an apartment. + +Enoch, Mamma, and Miss were all at home. I had pre-informed the family +of my engagement to dine with the bishop, and they began a full chorus +of interrogatories. 'Who did I meet?' said Mamma. 'What did I think of +the niece?' asked Miss. 'What did his lordship say?' inquired the holy +man. + +I stopped their inquisitive clamours by answering, my eyes darting +rage, 'His lordship said enough to prove himself a scoundrel!' 'Heaven +defend me!' exclaimed Enoch. 'Why, Mr. Trevor! are you in your +senses?'--'A pitiful scoundrel! A pandar! A glutton! A lascivious +hypocrite! With less honesty than a highwayman, for he would not only +rob but publicly array himself in the pillage, nay and impudently +pretend to do the person whom he plundered a favour!' + +Enoch stood petrified. He could not have thought that frenzy itself +would have dared to utter language so opprobrious against a bishop. +It was treason against the cloth! The church tottered at the sounds! +But the fury I felt held him in awe--'Lords!' continued I. 'Heaven +preserve me from the society of a lord! I have done with them all. +I am come out to seek an apartment. Kingdoms should not tempt me to +remain another hour under the roof of a lord!' + +If the eyes of Enoch could have stretched themselves wider, they +would. The females requested me to explain myself. 'A pandar?' said +Mamma. 'Ay,' added Miss; 'what did that mean, Mr. Trevor?' + +The question sobered me a little: I recollected my friend the usher, +and the honour of Miss Wilmot, and evaded an answer. It was repeated +again with greater solicitation: scandal stood with open mouth, +waiting for a fresh supply. I answered that for many reasons, and +especially for a dear friend's sake, I should be silent on that head. +'A dear friend's sake?' exclaimed the suspicious matron. 'Who can that +be? Who but Mr. Ellis? Why Mr. ----!' + +I interrupted her in a positive tone, not without a mixture of anger, +assuring her it was not Mr. Ellis; and then repeated that I was come +in search of a lodging. + +At that moment the bishop's servant knocked at the door; I saw him +through the window; and a note was received by the foot-boy and +brought to Enoch. The instant he had read the contents, he hurried +away; telling me that an unexpected affair, which must not be +neglected, called him out immediately. + +Young as I was, unhackneyed in the ways of men, having so lately left +the society of ignorant and inconsistent youth, till that hour I had +imagined, though I discovered no qualities in Enoch that greatly +endeared him to me, that he was sincerely my friend. His duplicity on +this occasion was in my opinion a heinous crime, and I rushed out of +the house, with a determination never again to enter the doors. + +I precipitately walked through several streets, without asking myself +where I was going. At last I happened to think of Turl, and at that +moment he appeared to be the man on earth I would soonest meet. I +hastened to his lodgings, found him at home, labouring as before, and, +instead of feeling the same emotions of contempt for his employment, I +was struck with the calm satisfaction visible in his countenance, and +envied him. + +I remembered his words: 'He worked to gain a living, by administering +as little as he could to the false wants and vices of men; and at +the same time to pursue a plan, on which he was intent'--A plan of +importance no doubt; perhaps of public utility. + +It was sometime before I could relate my errand. I hesitated, and +struggled, and stammered, but at last said--'Mr. Turl, I yesterday +thought myself surrounded by friends: I now come to you; and should +you refuse to hear me, I have not a friend in the world to whom I can +relate the injustice that has been done me.'---Pray speak, Mr. Trevor. +If I can do you any service, I most sincerely assure you it will add +more to my own happiness, than you will easily imagine.' + +These words, though few, were uttered with an uncommon glow of +benevolence. My heart was full, my passions, like the arrow in the +bent bow, were with force restrained, and I snatched his hand and +pressed it with great fervour. 'May you never want a friend, Mr. +Turl,' said I; 'and may you never find a false one! Your opinions +differ from mine, but I see and feel you are a man of virtue.' + +I paused a moment, and continued. 'That you are a man of principle is +fortunate, because, in what I have to relate, the name and character +of a lady is concerned: the sister of a man whom, a very few years +since, I loved and revered.'--'You may state the facts without +mentioning her name.'--'I have no doubt of your honour.'--'I have no +curiosity, and it will be the safest and wisest way.' + +I then gave him a succinct history of the whole transactions, between +me, Enoch, the bishop and the earl; for I was almost as angry with the +first as with the other two. He heard me to the end, and asked such +questions for elucidation as he thought necessary. + +He then said--'Mr. Trevor, you are already acquainted with the +plainness, and what you perhaps have thought the bluntness, of my +character. I have but one rule: I speak all that I think worthy of +being spoken, and if I offend it is never from intention. What you +have related of these lordly men does not in the least astonish me. +Their vices are as odious as you have described them. Your great +mistake is in supposing yourself blameless. You have chiefly erred in +entertaining too high an opinion of your own powers, and in cherishing +something like a selfish blindness to the principles of the persons, +with whom you have been concerned. Your indiscriminate approbation +of all you wrote raised your expectations to extravagance. Your +inordinate appetite for applause made you varnish over the picture +which the earl gave you of himself; though it must otherwise have +been revolting to a virtuous mind: and your expectation of preferment +so entirely lulled your moral feelings to sleep, that you could be a +spectator of the picture you have drawn of the bishop, the day you +dined with him, yet go the next morning to accept, if not to solicit, +his patronage. You have committed other mistakes, which I think it +best at present to leave unnoticed. In the remarks I have made, I have +had no intention to give pain, but to awaken virtue. At present you +are angry: and why?' + +'Why!' exclaimed I, with mingled astonishment and indignation. 'A +peer of the realm to be thus profligate in principle, and not excite +my anger!'--'What is a peer of the realm, but a man educated in +vice, nurtured in prejudice from his earliest childhood, and daily +breathing the same infectious air he first respired! A being to be +pitied!'--'Despised!'--'I was but three days in this earl's house. The +false colouring given me by his agent first induced me to enter it; +but I was soon undeceived.'-- + +'Well but, a churchman! A divine! A bishop! A man consecrated to one +of the highest of earthly dignities!' 'Consecrated? There are many +solemn but pernicious pantomimes acted in this world!'--'Suffer me to +say, Mr. Turl, that to speak irreverently of consecrated things does +not become a man of your understanding.' 'I can make no answer to +such an accusation, Mr. Trevor, except that I must speak and think as +that understanding directs me. Enlighten it and I will speak better. +But what is it in a bishop that is consecrated? Is it his body, or +his mind? What can be understood by his body? Is it the whole mass? +Imagine its contents! Holy? "An ounce of civet, good apothecary!" That +mass itself is daily changing: is the new body, which the indulgence +of gluttonous sensuality supplies, as holy as the old? If it be his +mind that is consecrated, what is mind, but a succession of thoughts? +By what magic are future thoughts consecrated? Has a bishop no unholy +thoughts? Can pride, lust, avarice, and ambition, can all the sins of +the decalogue be consecrated? Are some thoughts consecrated and some +not? By whom or how is the selection made? What strange farrago of +impossibilities have these holy dealers in occult divinity jumbled +together? Can the God of reason be the God of lies?' + +There was so much unanswerable truth in these arguments, that I +listened in speechless amazement. At last I replied, 'I am almost +afraid to hear you, Mr. Turl.'--'Yes; it is cowardice that keeps +mankind fettered in ignorance.'--'Well but, this bishop? Does he not +live in a state of concubinage?'--'The scene of sensuality that you +have painted makes the affirmative probable.'--'And my defence of the +articles? I will publish it immediately; with a preface stating the +whole transaction.'--'You will be to blame.'--'Why so?'--You may be +better employed.'--'What! than in exposing vice?'--'The employment is +petty; and what is worse, it is inefficient. The frequent consequence +of attacking the errors of individuals is the increase of those +errors. Such attacks are apt to deprave both the assailant and the +assailed. They begin in anger, continue in falsehood, and end in fury. +They harden vice, wound virtue, and poison genius. I repeat, you may +be better employed, Mr. Trevor.'--'And is your rule absolute?'--'The +exceptions are certainly few. Exhibit pictures of general vice, and +the vicious will find themselves there; or, if they will not, their +friends will.'--'This Enoch, too!--'Is I believe a mean and selfish +character; though I by no means think the action at which you have +taken offence is the strongest proof of his duplicity. To decide +justly, we must hear both parties. He saw your passions inflamed. It +was probable you would have opposed his going to the bishop; though, +if he in any manner interfered, to go was an act of duty.' + +The reasonings of Turl in part allayed the fever of my mind, but by no +means persuaded me to desist from the design of inflicting exemplary +disgrace on the earl and the prelate. + +Though a stern opposer of many of my principles, his manners were +attentive, winning, and friendly. Being better acquainted with the +town than I was, he undertook to procure me a neat and cheap apartment +in his own neighbourhood, and in half an hour succeeded. + +To this my effects were immediately removed. I was even too angry +to comply with the forms of good breeding so far as to leave my +compliments for the earl: I departed without ceremony, and retired to +my chamber to contemplate my change of situation. + +After mature consideration, the plan on which I determined was, +immediately to publish the fourth letter of Themistocles, already +written; to continue to write under the same signature; and in +the continuation to expose the political profligacy of the earl. +Themistocles was accordingly sent that very day. + +I next intended accurately to revise my defence of the articles, +as soon as I should recover the copy from the bishop; to turn the +conversation with Turl occasionally on that subject, that I might +refute his objections; and then to publish the work. For ordination I +would apply elsewhere, being determined never to suffer pollution by +the unholy touch of that prelate. + +The next morning, my passions being calmed by sleep and I having +reflected on what Turl had said, a sense of justice told me that +I ought to visit Enoch at least once more; in which decision my +curiosity concurred. I went, and found him at home, but dressing. + +The mother and daughter were at the same employment: but Miss, +imagining it was my knock, sent her attendant to inquire, and +immediately huddled on her bed-gown and mob-cap to come down to me. +Her tongue was eager to do its office. + +'Lord! Mr. Trevor! We have had such doings! Papa and mamma and I have +been at it almost ever since! But don't you fear: I am your true +friend, and I have made mamma your friend, and she insists upon it +that papa shall be your friend too; and so he is forced to comply: +though the bishop had convinced him that you are a very imprudent +young gentleman; and my papa will have it you don't understand common +sense; and that you have ruined yourself, though you had the finest +opportunity on earth; and that you will ruin every body that takes +your part! You can't think how surprised and how angry he is, that you +should oppose your will to an earl, and a bishop, and lose the means +of making your fortune, and perhaps of making your friends' fortunes +too: for there it is that the shoe pinches; because I understand the +bishop is very kind to papa at present; and, if he should take your +part, papa says he will never see him again. But mamma and I argued, +what of that? Would the bishop give papa a good living, said mamma? +And what if he would, says I? Shall we give up those that we love best +in the world, because it is the will and pleasure of a bishop! No, +indeed! I don't know that bishops are better than other people, for +my part; and perhaps not so good as those that are to be given up. So +mamma told me to be silent; but she took my part, and I took yours, +and I assure you, for all what they both said, I did not spare the +bishop! So my papa fell into a passion, and pretended that I was too +forward; and I assure you he accused me of having my likings. I don't +know whether he did not make me blush! But I answered for all that, +and said well, and if I have, who can help having their likings? I +have heard you and my mamma say often enough that you both had had +your likings; and that you did not like one another; and that that was +the reason that you quarrel like cat and dog; and so if people will +be happy they must marry according to their likings. So said my mamma +well but, Eliza, have you any reason to think that Mr. Trevor has any +notions of marriage? So I boldly answered yes, I had; for you know, +Mr. Trevor, what passed between us at the play-house, and the kind +squeeze of the hand you gave me at parting with me: and so why should +I be afraid to speak, and tell the truth? And so mamma says it shall +all be cleared up!' + +Her eagerness would admit of no interruption, till it was checked +for a moment by the entrance of Enoch, and the mamma. I suspected a +part of what was to come, and never in my life had I felt so much +embarrassment. 'Well Eliza,' said the matron, 'have you and Mr. Trevor +been talking? Have you come to an explanation?' + +I would have answered, but Miss was an age too quick for me. 'Yes, +mamma; we have explained every thing to the full and whole. I have +told it all over to him just now, every syllable the same as I told it +to you, and he does not contradict a word of it.' + +'Contradict?' interrupted Enoch. 'But does he say the same?' 'No, +Sir!' answered I with eagerness; that I might if possible, by a +single word, put an end to the eternal clack and false deductions +of this very loving young lady. 'Lord! Mr. Trevor!' exclaimed Miss, +her passions all flying to her eyes, part fire and part water. +'Sure you are not in earnest? You don't mean as you say?'--'I am +very serious, Miss Ellis; and am exceedingly sorry to have been so +misunderstood!'--'Why will you pretend to deny, Mr. Trevor, that all +that I have been rehearsing here, about the play-house; and about the +kindness with which you paid your addresses to me there, and indeed +elsewhere, often and before time; and about your leading me to the +chair; and then your tenderly taking my hand and squeezing it; and +then the look you gave with your eyes; and more than all the loving +manner in which you said good night? Not to mention as before all +that you said and did, sitting next to me in the play-house; enough +to win the affections of any poor innocent virgin! You are not such +a deceiver as that comes to I am sure, Mr. Trevor: you have a more +generous and noble heart!' + +Here Miss burst into a flood of tears, and mamma exclaimed--'I am very +much afraid, Mr. Trevor, there have been some improper doings!' + +Enoch's anger for once made him honest. 'No such a thing!' said he. +'It is the forward fool's own fault. This is neither the first, +second, nor third time she has played the same pranks.' + +The mother and daughter instantly raised their pipes like fifty +ciphered keys in an organ, first against Enoch, then against all the +male kind, and lastly turned so furiously upon me that there seemed to +be danger of their tearing me piece-meal, like as the mad females of +Thrace did the disconsolate Orpheus. + +At length I started up in a passion, and exclaimed--'Will you hear me, +ladies?' 'No! no! no!' screamed Miss. 'We won't hear a word! Don't +listen to him, mamma! He is a deceiver! A faithless man! I did not +think there could have been such a one in the whole world! and I am +sure I warned him often enough against it. And after the true friend +that I have been to you, Mr. Trevor! and have taken your part, tooth +and nail! Papa himself knows I have; and would take your part, through +fire and water, against the whole world! and to be so ungrateful, and +so false, and faithless to me in return! Oh shame, Mr. Trevor! Is that +a man? A fine manly part truly! to win a poor virgin's heart and then +to forsake her!' + +Finding the sobs and the rhetoric of Miss inexhaustible and every +effort to elucidate fruitless, I rose, told Enoch I would explain +myself to him by letter, opened the door to go, was seized by the coat +by the young lady, and could not without violence, or leaving like +Joseph my garment behind me, have torn myself away, if I had not been +aided by Enoch; who, having according to his own story been probably +present at such scenes before, had sense enough I suppose to be +ashamed of his daughter's conduct. + +I hurried home, snatched up my pen, and in an epistle to Enoch +instantly detailed, as minutely as I could recollect them, all the +circumstances of the heroine's behaviour; acknowledging that I had +listened, had suffered the intercourse of knees, legs, and feet, and +as she said had once pressed her hand; that for this I feared I might +have been to blame; but yet, if this were treachery, I knew not very +well how a young man was to conduct himself, so as not to be accused +of being either rude, ridiculous, or a traitor. + +While I was writing this letter, it occurred to me that perhaps there +was no small portion of cunning, in the conduct of Miss; that she and +her mamma had remarked my youth, and entire ignorance of the world; +that Enoch himself, though more intent on what he thought deeper +designs, had entertained similar ideas; that Miss had probably been +never before so much delighted with the person of any man, whom she +might approach; and that the females had concluded I might have been +precipitately entangled in marriage, or marriage promises, by this +artful management. Be that as it may: I wrote my letter, eased my +conscience, and took my leave of the whole family. + +Mean time, Themistocles had lain with the printer several days; while +I impatiently looked for its appearance, but in vain. I then began to +suspect the paper was under the influence of the earl, wrote to the +editor, and read the next day, among the answers to correspondents, +that the letter signed Themistocles could not be admitted in their +paper: they were friends to proper strictures, but not to libels +against government. My teeth gnashed with rage! I was but ill +qualified, at this period, to teach the benevolent philosophy which +priests of all religions affirm it is their trade to inculcate. + +Neither could I procure the manuscript from the bishop. The scene in +Suffolk street had occasioned me to delay sending that evening, but +the next day I wrote a peremptory demand, for it to be delivered to +the bearer; and prevailed on Turl to be my messenger. He returned +with information, that the bishop was gone into the country! but that +the letter would be sent after him immediately, and an answer might +probably be received by the return of post. + +I had no alternative, and three days afterward the manuscript was +sent, sealed up and labeled on the back--'To be delivered to the +author, when called for: his address not being known.' + +Thus every new incident was a new lesson; unveiling a system, moral, +political and ecclesiastical, which without such experience I could +not have supposed to exist. My conversations with Turl came in aid of +this experience, and they combined to shake the very high opinion I +had conceived of the clerical order: but the finishing blow was yet to +come. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +_The return to Oxford: A cold reception: Hector and more of his +inmates: Olivia and the drive to Woodstock: Symptoms of increasing +misfortune: An Oxford scholar brawl: The flight of hope_ + + +The period of my rustication was expired, and the term immediately +preceding the summer vacation was on the point of beginning. I +resolved therefore to return to Oxford, and according to the claim +of rotation take my bachelor's degree. My plans of punishment and my +pursuit of fame must indeed lie dormant a few weeks; but I determined +they should both be revived with increasing ardour, at my return. + +I found no inconsiderable pleasure in revisiting the turrets, groves, +and streams of Oxford. Long experience itself could scarcely weed the +sentiment from my mind that these were the sacred haunts of the muses. +It must be owned that such the fancy could easily make them, and that +it is a task in which the fancy delights. + +I thought it my duty immediately to visit the president. With respect +to any mention of the letters of recommendation, I scarcely knew how +to behave. The bishop and the president might have been friends in +their youth. The president might have his prejudices. And might there +not even be cruelty in rudely tearing away the mask, and showing him +what a monster he had formerly taken to his bosom? Should he inquire, +I certainly must declare the truth: but should he be silent, what good +inducement had I to speak? The morality of this reasoning was more +questionable than I at that time suspected. + +Silent however he was, on that subject. He received me coldly, asked +in a tone that did not wish for information how I liked London, and +concluded with saying he hoped I did not return to set the university +any more bad examples! Not well satisfied myself with my methodistical +paroxysm, I had not a word to offer in its defence. I answered, I +hoped I should set no bad examples, either to the university or the +world; but that I could only act to the best of my judgment, and if +that deceived me I must endure the consequences. 'Exactly so, Mr. +Trevor,' said the president, with a formal dismissing inclination of +the head; and so we parted. + +When I had been at college about a week, Hector Mowbray called on me +one morning and told me his father was dead; that Mowbray Hall the +manor and its demesnes were all his own; that he had the best pack of +fox dogs in the county; hunters that would beat the world; setters as +steady as a rifle barrel gun; and coursers that would take the wind in +their teeth; and that he was going up to town with his sister, of whom +he was glad to be rid, to place her with an aunt. 'She would not let +me be quiet,' said Hector, 'but I must come, for she is as obstinate +as a mule, and bring our compliments and her special thanks for a +signal favour, that is her lingo, which she makes a plaguey rout +about; your methodist parson trick, you know, of taking her out of the +water; after your damned canting gang had frightened the horses and +thrown her into it. She says she should have been in her cold grave, +or I don't know what, but for you; but I tell her women and cats are +not so easily killed: and so to please her I agreed to come directly +and ask you to breakfast with us, and spend the day together. I love +Oxford! It was not above thirty miles out of the road, and I never +come within a long shot of it without having _a row_ with the boys and +the bucks. So if you will be one among us, come along. There _is_ tall +Andrews, spanking Jack as I call him, and three or four more of us, +that mean to meet at Woodstock.' + +'And take Olivia?' + +'To be sure! Andrews is sweet upon her, but she beats off; though he +is a fine fellow! a daring dog! all Christ Church can't beat him! and +when his father is off the hinges, which he swears will be within +these six months, he will make a famous wicked _dash_! I tell her she +is a fool for not taking him: but my talking is all spilt porridge! +she is as piggish as father himself was! So if you come, why come +along.' + +This was the first pleasant proposal that had been made to me, since +the day of my dining with the bishop! My heart bounded while he spoke! +It was with difficulty I could contain my joy; and the effort must +have been much greater, had not the brother of Olivia been the dull +undiscerning Hector Mowbray. + +He would have hurried me away immediately, but I insisted on +decorating my person, and fitting it to appear before the angelic +Olivia! + +Impatience like mine would not admit of languor. I was soon equipped, +and flew to feast my senses with rapture ineffable! I staid not to +ask whether it were love, or friendship; or what were my intentions, +hopes, or fears. I felt a host of desires that were eager, tumultuous, +and undecided. The passions were too much in a hurry to institute +inquiry or to have any dread of consequences. + +I knew indeed that I already had a lover's hatred of Andrews, and even +took pleasure to hear him characterised by traits so disgusting. That +Olivia should reject such a being was no miracle: and yet it gave me +inexpressible gratification! + +As I ascended the stairs, strange sensations seized me; such as I had +never known before. The elastic bounds with which I had hurried along +sunk into debility; aspen leaves never trembled more universally than +I did, from head to foot; and as I opened the door my knees, like +Belshazzar's, 'smote one against the other.' A sickness of the stomach +came over me: I turned pale, and was pushed forward by Hector before I +had time to recover myself. + +Olivia saw my confusion. In an instant, her sympathetic feelings +caught the infection: she feebly pronounced, 'I am glad to see you, +Mr. Trevor!' and with the hue of death on her countenance, snatched +her handkerchief, turned aside, and uttered two or three hysteric +sobs. + +Andrews, my rival, Hector's spanking Jack, was present, and burst into +a loud laugh! It was a medicine that immediately recovered both of us. +The blood hurried back, flushed the cheeks of Olivia, and dyed them +with a deep but beautiful scarlet. 'I am a strange fool!' said she. +'You came upon me so suddenly, Mr. Trevor! and I never can see an old +friend, after long absence, without these sensations.' + +'Long absence!' replied Andrews. 'Why I thought it was only three +or four months since the affair of the methodist preacher and the +drowning, that you were just now telling me about?' 'Pshaw!' exclaimed +Hector, 'if you pester your pate with her crotchets, you will have +enough to do. Come, come, where are the muffins? I begin to cry +cupboard. Beside I want to be off.' + +While this dialogue passed I recovered sufficient courage to salute +Olivia; but affection and awe were so mingled that the burning kiss of +love expired in cold blooded constraint and reserve. We then sat down +to the tea table, I on one side of Olivia Hector on the other, with +his right leg on a vacant chair, his left thrown on Olivia's lap, +and Andrews extended sprawling his whole length on a sopha. The two +youths began a conversation in their own style, while I endeavoured +to entertain Olivia with my remarks on London. I related my principal +adventures, expectations, and disappointments, and she appeared to be +deeply interested by the narrative. The questions she put, her tone of +voice, her countenance, all expressed her feelings; and several times +a deep sigh was smothered and with difficulty passed away in a forced +hem. + +The two youths were so deeply engaged in the pedigree of their +pointers, and so warmly contested whose were the best, that I doubt if +they knew the subject of our discourse. It was a fleeting but happy +hour! + +Hector still drove his phæton, and breakfast being over it was waiting +at the door, attended by two grooms with two led saddle horses. 'I +will not go, brother,' said Olivia, 'if you drive.' 'He drive?' +replied Andrews. 'Never believe it! No, no Miss Mowbray, I will be +your Jehu. I will wheel you along, over velvet, every yard smooth as +sailing.' 'No Jack,' interrupted Hector, 'that won't do. Trevor is no +company, has nothing to say, or nothing that I want to hear. Sister +and he will match best. He will tell her what is Greek for a gauze +cap, and she will teach him how to make it up. You and I will pair +off together on the hunters, and I'll gallop you the last mile into +Woodstock for your sum: or, look you, the loser pay the expences of +the day.' + +To this proposal, seasoned with oaths three at least to a sentence, +Andrews continued obstinately averse. As Hector did not drive he +would. Nor did he pay any more respect to the opinion of Olivia, who +remarked that he was booted and I was not. 'So much the better,' said +he; 'that is genteel.' 'Nay but really,' added Olivia, 'I shall not +think myself more safe with you, Mr. Andrews, than with my brother.' +Mr. Andrews was deaf; he rudely seized her by the wrists, hauled her +across the room, and swore if she would not go he would take her in +his arms and carry her. My fingers ached to catch him by the collar; +but I could not like him cast off all fear of offending Olivia. + +Resistance must either have been violent, or in vain. Olivia +submitted, and I dared not oppose. We mounted, and Andrews drove, for +the first three miles, with some moderation. He then began to play +tricks; took a high quarter and a low one, where he could find them, +to shew his dexterity; whipped and fretted the horses, increased their +rate, and at last put them into a full gallop. + +As soon as I perceived what he was doing, I rode full speed after him, +and in an authoritative tone called to him to drive with more care. +He was obliged to slacken his pace before he could understand what I +said. When he had heard me repeat my injunction, which I did with no +little vehemence, he looked at me first in astonishment, then with a +sneer, and was raising his whip to lash the horses forward with fresh +fury. Olivia caught him by the arm, and I immediately called with a +voice of thunder, 'By G----, Sir, if you either injure or terrify the +lady, I will pull you head long from your seat!' + +He made no answer, and the contempt his countenance had exhibited the +moment before sunk into sheepishness. I immediately rode forward to +the head of the horses, kept a moderate pace, would not suffer him to +pass me, unless he meant to stake the horse I rode with the pole, and +continued thus for more than a mile, till I was convinced that he had +no more inclination to divert himself by terrifying and endangering +Olivia. + +I rode the rest of the way with the heart burn of anxiety, fearful I +had angered Olivia, but not knowing how much. While I kept the lead +to oblige Andrews to temperance, he cursed and muttered. 'It was very +fine! Mighty proper behaviour to a gentleman! But he should see how +it was all to end!' He vented other menaces, which though in too low +a key distinctly to reach my ear were loud enough to produce their +effect on Olivia. + +We arrived at Woodstock, and I dismounted and stood ready to receive +Olivia. Andrews followed the example, but she called to her brother +and noticed neither of us. He received her as she alighted, and I +perceiving her serious look said, 'I hope, Miss Mowbray, I have not +offended you?' She made no reply, but stood half a minute, as if to +recover being cramped by sitting. Andrews was then on our left, at +some distance, and I turned to the same side. She saw me and called, +'Mr. Trevor!' She said no more, but her look was too impressive to +be misinterpreted. Hard fate! it could not be obeyed. I pretended +indeed to walk away, but the moment she entered the door of the inn I +hastened back to Andrews and said, 'If you think yourself insulted, +Sir, you have only to inform me of it: I am at your service.' + +His answer was--He did not know what I could mean! He had nothing to +say to me. I gave him a contemptuous glance, he followed the grooms, +and I went to seek Olivia. + +I approached with trepidation. 'I perceive, Madam,' said I, 'my +conduct is not approved.' She fixed her eye upon me.--'You have been +speaking to Mr. Andrews?' I was silent. 'And a duel?' added she, with +increasing severity mingled with terror. I hastily interrupted her. +'No, Madam, Mr. Andrews is not a man to fight duels.'--'Mr. Andrews +has the more understanding.' + +Though the intelligence gave her relief, she spoke in a tone that +petrified. 'Surely, Madam,' I replied, 'you cannot be angry with me +for protecting you from danger and insult?'--'The danger was trifling, +perhaps none; he would not endanger himself; and for insult I must be +left to judge in my own case both what it is, and when it deserves +notice. Men have little respect for women, when they are so ready to +suppose a woman is incapable of being her own protector.'--'Is it then +a crime, Miss Mowbray, to tremble for your safety? or to teach manners +to a brute?'--'Yes: at least, it is weakness to tremble without cause. +You must act as you please, in whatever relates to yourself, but it +is inexpressibly criminal to be ready, on every trifling occasion, +to take or to throw away life. If this be teaching, we have too many +teachers in the world, who have never themselves been to school. I am +personally concerned, and you have asked my opinion; otherwise, Mr. +Trevor, I should have been cautious of giving it.' + +The energy with which this reproof, though severe, was begun denoted +what self-flattery might well have construed into affection; for +it proved the interest the lovely chider took in the rectitude of +my conduct. But the kindness of it seemed to be all killed, in the +formality and coldness of the conclusion. I stood speechless. She +perceived the effect she had produced, and in a soft and relenting +tone added--'I do not seek to wound your feelings, Mr. Trevor. Oh no! +Would I could'--The angel checked herself, but soon with returning +enthusiasm continued--'Ideas at this instant rush upon my mind +that'--Again she paused--'You saved my life--but'--The tears started +in her eyes, her voice faltered, she could not proceed. She had rung +to inquire for a dressing room, the damned maid entered, Olivia +followed, and I remained in speechless stupefaction, with the dreadful +_but_ reverberating in my ear. + +Andrews and Hector came in. Had the former known my thoughts, he would +have rejoiced at such ample vengeance. He talked to Mowbray, but took +no notice of what had passed. They ordered dinner, and asked if I +would stroll with them to Blenheim house? I excused myself and away +they went. + +I remained anxiously expecting that Olivia would come down; and, +having waited till the approach of dinner time, I sent the maid, with +my compliments, to inform her that I should be glad to speak a word to +her. The answer I received was that she should see me in half an hour. +I sent again, but to no purpose; I could not catch a glimpse of her +till the youths had returned, and dinner was on the table. + +They brought two gownsmen of Christ Church with them, companions of +Andrews, who were quite as talkative and nearly as rude and boisterous +as themselves. Olivia had not perhaps all her accustomed vivacity, but +she behaved with infinitely more ease and chearfulness than I could +have wished, and I felt as if I were the only disconsolate guest. + +The players were at Woodstock, and were to exhibit that afternoon. +They began at four o'clock, that the gownsmen might have time to +return to Oxford; hoping that would be a favourable circumstance for +them with the vice chancellor, who, as I have said, is generally +inimical to theatrical exhibition, and whose influence extends to +Woodstock. The party all voted for the play, except Olivia, who +observed their inclination to riot, and ineffectually attempted to +persuade them to return. I was glad to find them obstinate; it might +afford me an opportunity of speaking with her, for which I would +almost have given an eye. A servant was sent to keep places, in one of +the six boxes which the theatre, fitted up in a barn, contained. + +The youths sat so late to enjoy the folly of their own conversation +that the play had begun before we came there, and inquiring for our +box we found it in the possession of four gownsmen, who had turned +the servant out and seized upon it for themselves. Hector and Andrews +began to swear outrageously! Tigers could not have appeared more +fierce. They entered the box, and addressed its usurpers in the gross +vulgar terms to which they had been accustomed. They were immediately +answered in their own language; and tall Andrews and the bulky Hector +each laid hold of his man, who were much their inferiors in strength +and size, to turn them out. + +I was standing to guard Olivia, who seemed pleased that I should be +rather so engaged than more actively employed. But my aid was soon +necessary: Hector and Andrews each received a blow, which neither of +them had the courage to return, though their opponents were little +better than boys. Fired at their pusillanimity, I darted by and seized +the little gownsmen, one in one hand and the other in the other, +pressed my knuckles in their neck, shook them heartily, and dragged +them out of the box. The two other collegians of our squadron, seeing +this intrepid advance, followed up the victory; Hector and Andrews +again blustered and lent their aid, and the box was cleared. + +This did not all pass in a moment: the Oxonians, and there were +numbers of them in the theatre, crouded to the spot; and it was with +difficulty a general riot, to which these youths are always prone, +could be prevented. + +At last we made way to the box; but no words could persuade Olivia +to enter it. She insisted on returning to the inn. I interceded, her +brother swore, and Andrews attempted to hold her; but her resolution +was not to be shaken. 'I am in a society of mad boys!' said she. +'I hoped to have found one rational being among them, but I was +deceived.' + +The sentence was short, but every syllable was an arrow that wounded +me to the heart. I was the supposed rational being, in whom she had +placed her hopes, and by whom she had been deceived. A second time +I had disregarded the benevolent wisdom with which she had vainly +endeavoured to inspire me, had acted in open defiance of her peaceful +morality, and had forfeited all claim to her esteem. I read my doom, +not only in her words but in her whole deportment. + +While I stood drawing these painful conclusions, motionless, or active +only in my fears, a messenger arrived whose coming gave a climax to my +ill fortune. He brought a letter, informing Olivia that her aunt, whom +she was on her journey to visit, was dangerously ill; and, if Olivia +desired to see her alive, she must hasten to London with all possible +speed. The news entirely put an end to the endeavours of Hector and +his companions to detain her at the play. A servant was sent forward +to prepare a post-chaise for Olivia, in which she insisted on +returning to Oxford by herself, and we all immediately proceeded back +to the inn. Just before we reached the inn, Hector and his companions +being engaged in noisy disputation, I said to Olivia in a half +whisper--'Have I then, Madam, forfeited all claims to your good +opinion?'--She paused for a moment and replied--'The incidents of +to-day, Mr. Trevor, have but confirmed the character which was long +since given me of you, and which I began to hope was not strictly +true. The benefit you have conferred on me I shall never forget: it +has induced me to be more prompt in my desire to prevent mischief than +you perhaps might think became me. Such a trial can scarcely occur +again, and if it should I will endeavour to use greater caution. Yet +suffer me, for the last time, earnestly to advise you to be less rash. +Were I your sister, Mr. Trevor, I should be in continual alarms, and +the most unhappy creature existing.' + +Andrews heard her voice, and, prompted as I suppose either by jealousy +or malice, put an end to our dialogue. I would have given worlds, if +I had possessed them, to have continued it only five minutes; but +no such blessing could be obtained; Andrews was alert, and Olivia +appeared to avoid further parley. In a quarter of an hour the carriage +was ready, and Olivia stepped into it and was driven away full speed. + +Andrews would have remained, to see the play; and Hector, had not I +shamed him into the contrary, would have consented; but in consequence +of my remonstrances they mounted, accompanied by the rest of their +clamorous comrades on horseback, and I was left to the melancholy +office of driving the phæton, with the seat vacant that had so lately +been occupied by Olivia. + +We hurried off, helter skelter, no one respecting his neck, and I the +least (for Olivia was before) and rode and drove at such a rate that +we overtook the chaise a mile before it reached Oxford. What relief +was this to me! She sat concealed in the corner of the carriage, and +I could catch no glimpse of her. I durst not even drive past, lest +I should add to the mortal offence I had already given, and confirm +her in the belief that I was no better than a madman: or, in her own +emphatic language, a mad boy! + +The pain of suspence was quickly over. We all soon arrived at Oxford. +A courier had been dispatched from Woodstock by the affectionately +impatient niece, with orders to have another chaise in readiness; and, +after briefly bidding her brother and the company adieu, she stepped +out of the carriage which brought her from Woodstock into the one +that was waiting, and again was driven off, while I stood gazing in a +trance of painful stupidity. + +This was the last glance I had of her! and, rejecting the invitation +to supper of Hector and his party with more sullenness than I had ever +felt before, I returned to the college, burst into my room, locked +the door, and threw myself down on the boards, in a state of the most +wretched despondency. + + +END OF VOLUME II + + + + +VOLUME III + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +_Gloomy thoughts: Filial emotions: A journey to the country: A +lawyer's accounts not easily closed: Conscientious scruples: The +legacy received and divided: Return to Oxford: More disappointment: +Treachery suspected: Arrival at London: Difficulty in choosing a +profession_ + + +My agitation of mind was too violent to be quickly appeased; it did +not end with the day, or with the week; but on the contrary excited +interrogatories that prolonged the paroxysm. Why was I disturbed? Why +angry with myself? Why did I accuse Olivia of being severe, or what +did the accusation mean? What were my views? From the tumultuous state +of my emotions, I could not disguise to myself that I had an affection +for her: but had she ever intimated an affection for me? Was the +passion that devoured me rational? She was of a wealthy family: of the +provision her father had made for her I was ignorant; but I knew that +her expectations from the aunt, said to be now dying, and from others +of her kindred, were great. Was I prepared to accept favours, make +myself a dependent, and be subservient to the unfeeling caprice of +Hector, or any other proud and ignorant relation? Did not such people +esteem wealth as the test and the measure of worth? What counterpoise +had I, but sanguine hopes? of the probable fallacy of which I had +already received strong proofs; and which did not, in the pictures +that fancy at present drew, burst upon me with those bright and +vivid flashes that had lately made them so alluring. My passions and +propensities all led me to seek the power of conferring benefits, +controlling folly, and of being the champion of merit, and the +rewarder of virtue. Ought I not either to renounce Olivia, or to +render myself in every respect her equal; and to disdain the degrading +insolence with which any pretensions of mine would otherwise be +received. Had I no reason to fear that Olivia herself was a little +influenced by personal considerations? Would she have been quite so +ready to disapprove, had the advantages of fortune been on my side? +Was this inferiority entirely disregarded by her? The doubt was +grating, but pertinaciously intrusive. Would not any proposal from me +be treated with the most sovereign contempt, if not by her, by Hector +and her other relations? Why then did I think of her? It was but a +very few days since the wealth and power that should have raised me, +far above the sphere of the Mowbray family, were supposed to be within +my grasp. How painful was the distance at which they now appeared! My +present debility was felt with intolerable impatience. To love and to +be unable to heap happiness on the object beloved, was a thought that +assailed me with excruciating sensations! + +At this very period another event happened, that did not contribute to +enliven the prospect. + +I had lately received intelligence from my mother, the tenor of which +was that she dreaded the approach of poverty; and about a fortnight +after the departure of Olivia, a letter came, by which I learned that +lawyer Thornby had refused all further supplies, affirming that my +grandfather's effects were entirely exhausted; except the thousand +pounds left by the rector at my own disposal. Of this I had already +received fifty pounds; and my mother urgently declared in her letter +that, if I did not apply part of the remainder for her support, she +should be left in the decline of life (the approach of which she was +now very ready to acknowledge) in imminent danger of want; nay, so as +perhaps even to come upon the parish. My pride revolted at the very +thought; and I was angry with her for having conceived or committed it +to paper. + +Should I suffer my mother to want? No. To become a pauper? My heart +spurned at the base suggestion. I had been several years under the +tuition of the rector, and had acquired more than was good of his +family dignity. The picture before me was not a pleasing one, but I +would subject myself to any hardships, ay would starve on a grain a +day, rather than abandon my mother. My motives were mixed; some wrong +some right. + +This affair made me resolve once more to visit my native country, and +my resolution was immediately put in practice. It was a relief, though +of a painful kind, to the more painful state in which my undecided +thoughts at that moment held me. The man whose contradictory impulses +goad him in a thousand different directions, without permitting him to +pursue any one, is happy to be put in motion. + +My arrival was unexpected: my mother, who was but little inclined +to accuse herself, received me with much more satisfaction than +embarrassment. + +The behaviour of Thornby was not quite so self-complacent. My +questions, concerning the receipt and disbursement of my grandfather's +property, were sometimes answered with the affectation of open +honesty; and at others with petulant ambiguity, so that I knew not +whether he meant to shun or to provoke inquiry. 'Executorship was a +very thankless office; it involved a man in continual trouble, for +which he could receive no recompence, and then subjected him to the +suspicions of people, who were unable or unwilling to look after their +own affairs. His very great friendship for the rector had induced him +to take this office upon himself, though he well knew the trouble and +tediousness attending it, and the ingratitude with which it was always +repaid. He had several times in his life played the fool in the same +way, and had always met with the same reward.' + +Equivocation is the essence of law, and I believe he spoke truth. + +'He should take care, however, not to involve himself in such +officious troubles for the future. As for the accounts, he was +ready at all times, and desirous to have them settled. He had been +plagued enough, and had even paid money out of his own pocket, which +he was sure, whenever a balance came to be struck, he should not +be reimbursed. But there were various affairs that he could not +immediately close; law accounts, bad debts, mortgages, and other +matters that required time. He had business of his own to which he +must attend, or be ruined; his clients would have good actions against +him, if it could be proved that their suits were lost by his neglect. +Indeed he was not bound to give me any account; but he always acted on +the square, and therefore defied scrutiny; nay, he wished it, for what +had an honest man to fear?' + +He talked so much of his honesty that, if he did not quite persuade me +it was immaculate, he at least led me to doubt. + +Beside, as he had reminded me, what claims had I? The property was +bequeathed to my mother; she had married, her husband had squandered +it away, and there was an end of it. Farther inquiry was but vexation +and loss of time. It is true, the supposed wealth of the rector had +quickly disappeared: but if the owner of it, my mother's husband, were +satisfied, what could be said? + +She indeed hinted to me that Wakefield, finding he could wrest no more +from his uncle, unless by filing a bill in Chancery, or some other +process at law, for which he had no funds, not to mention the great +chance of his being cast in costs of suit, had been obliged to desist; +though convinced that the property was not one half expended. He had +a better hope. Thornby was old, had no children, and might soon leave +him the whole. + +With most men this would have been a powerful motive; but the passions +of her young husband, my mother owned, were too impetuous to be +restrained by the cold considerations of prudence. At first she +censured him with reluctance; for to censure him was in reality to +adduce mementos of her own folly; but her resentment against him +for having deserted her presently overpowered her caution, and the +pictures she drew shewed him to be not only dissipated and prodigal +but unprincipled. He had even so far offended the law, that it was +doubtful whether his life were not in danger; and Thornby, whose plans +had been frustrated by his extravagance, had more ways than one of +ridding himself of his importunity. + +In any case it was necessary to make some provision for my mother; +and, embroiled in doubt as I was, the most prudent way that I could +imagine was to consult Thornby. + +He affected to be very conscientious, and scarcely knew what advice to +give. 'My mother was in want, and to desert her would be cruel; yet +the money that was devised me was my own: it was bequeathed for a good +purpose, and the pious will of the testator ought to be held sacred. +I was young, the grandson of a good man, an excellent man, and his +dear friend. I had great learning and good sense, and ought not to be +deprived of the means that had been left me of establishing myself in +life. But then my mother had been tenderly brought up, and a dutiful +son to be sure could not desert his parent. It was a difficult point. +To purchase a life annuity for her would be the best way of securing +her, against the miseries of poverty in old age; but then it would +sink deeply into the thousand pounds to make but a very moderate +provision of this kind; though he knew no other method in her case +that would be so safe.' + +While I listened I resolved. To provide for my mother I held to be +an indispensable duty; and, notwithstanding my late disappointments, +my fears for myself were but few. People of a sanguine temper are +subject to temporary doubt and gloom; but the sky soon clears, and +though one bright star may shoot and fall, hope soon creates a whole +constellation. The earl and the prelate had both been unprincipled; +but the failure was in them, not in me. I could not but remember +the terror that Themistocles had excited in a prime minister; and +the avidity with which a prelate had endeavoured to profit by my +theological talents. How certainly and how soon could I bring these +talents into notice! How easy the task! I need but mount the rostrum, +I need but put pen to paper, and my adversaries would be brought to +shame, and mankind taught to do me justice. Incontrovertible facts +were in my favour; and to foster doubts and fears would be cowardice, +self-desertion, and folly! Such were my conclusions. + +I determined therefore, without farther hesitation, to employ the sum +of five hundred pounds in the purchase of an annuity for my mother. +The remainder would amply supply me, till those rich mines should be +explored from the fertile veins of which I had already drawn such +dazzling specimens. + +I continued in the country almost three weeks; but, as the purchase +could not instantly be concluded, I left the stipulated sum in my +mother's possession, drew the remainder of the thousand pounds in +bills and cash from Thornby, and, with more wealth than I ever bore +about me at one time before, returned to Oxford. + +Though Olivia was daily and hourly remembered, I had recovered so far +by the business in which I had been engaged as to think seriously of +pursuing my studies; for by their aid I was to realize those splendid +projects on which, as I supposed, the happiness of man depends. + +The learning, which the general forms of taking a degree require, is +so little that a man of genius is inclined to treat it with contempt: +but, if the candidate happen to be obnoxious to the heads of the +university, his examination may then be of a very different kind. I +had not much doubt; for, from the questions and answers I had so often +heard on these occasions, to reject me seemed to be almost impossible. +Yet I was not entirely without alarm. The disgrace of rustication +that I had suffered, the coldness of the reception I had met from the +president on my return to college, and the ambiguity which I conceived +I had since remarked in his manner, excited some fear; and my +preparatory efforts were so strenuous that I imagined I might defy +reproof. + +I had been told indeed that malice had a very strange mode of exerting +itself, but which was so arbitrary and odious as to be but rarely +practised. Any member of convocation, or master of arts, without +assigning any cause for his conduct, may object, for two terms, to +a person who shall ask leave to take his degree! Nay, these terms +ended, another may object, and another! But this was a privilege so +disgusting that I had not the least apprehension it would be put in +practice against me. + +To my utter astonishment, I was mistaken! On the day appointed to ask +leave, a master of arts actually did appear, and without supporting +his objection by reasoning, charge, or censure, exercised this +detestable university veto. + +My surprize and indignation, at hearing him pronounce his negative, +were so great that I was deprived of utterance. I even doubted the +reality of what I heard: I stood gazing, till he was gone, and then +exclaimed, as if to a person present--'Me, Sir!--Do you mean me?' + +A minute afterward, my interjections were not quite so inoffensive. A +torrent of passion burst from me, and he, whose malignity could not +justly assert I wanted learning, might, had he stayed, have collected +sufficient proofs of my want of philosophy. + +My attention had been diverted from the accuser, by my amazement at +the accusation; but, as soon as I recovered my recollection, it seemed +to me certain that I knew his face. The idea was seized with so much +eagerness, and associations occurred so rapidly, that the figure of +one of my companions, on the night of the debauch when I first came +to Oxford, rose full before me; though he had been absent from the +university, so that till this day I had never seen him since. It was +the very tutor of the Earl of Idford! + +A train of the most tormenting suspicions rushed upon me. I soon +learned, from inquiry, that he was intimate likewise with the +president. Was not this a combination? What could it be else? This +tutor was connected with the earl and the president; so was the latter +with the bishop! + +The whole plot, in its blackest hues, seemed developed. + +My agitation was extreme. I ran from college to college, wherever I +had acquaintance, repeating all I knew and much of what I suspected. +Nor did I merely confine myself to narrative. I added threats, which, +however impotent they might be, were not the less violent. One of my +first projects was to seek personal satisfaction of the vile tutor, or +if he refused to chastise him with inexorable severity; but this he +had taken care to elude, by keeping out of the way. + +My denunciations soon reached the ear of the president, and I was +given to understand that, if I were not immediately silent, I should +be expelled the university; and that a degree would never be granted +me, till I had publicly retracted the opprobrious words I had uttered. +Distant consequences are easily defied. My blood was in a flame, and +despising the menace, I publicly declared that my persecutors were +as infamous as the tool they had employed; that I should think it a +disgrace to be a member of a body which could countenance proceedings +so odiously wicked; that I spurned at every honour such a body could +confer; and that, with respect to expulsion, I would myself erase my +name from the register in which it had unfortunately been entered. + +How little is man aware that by intemperance he damns his own cause, +and gives the face of seeming honesty to injustice itself! Vicious as +the place is, I myself could not abhor such proceedings more than many +men in Oxford would have done, had they believed the tale. + +Fortune still continued in her wayward mood. On the heel of one +perverse imp another often treads. While I remained at Oxford, which +was but a few days after this event, the retailing of my wrongs was my +chief employment; and in a coffee-room, to which I resorted for this +purpose, the following advertisement in a London newspaper met my +astonished eye! + +THIS DAY IS PUBLISHED: + +A DEFENCE OF THE THIRTY NINE ARTICLES + +BY THE + +RIGHT REVEREND FATHER IN GOD ****** + +LORD BISHOP OF ****** + +Injustice had by this time become so familiar to me that, scourged +even to frenzy as I was, I sat rather stunned than transfixed by the +blow. That this was the very defence of the articles I had written did +not, with me, admit of a moment's doubt. Every thing I had heard or +remarked, of this wicked but weak church governor, had afforded proof +of his incapacity for such a task; yet the injustice, effrontery and +vice of the act was what till seen could not have been believed! + +Nor did its baseness end here. What could I suppose, but that the +bishop had been assiduously tampering with the president; that they +and the earl were in a conspiracy against me; that this was the cause +of the disgrace and insult put upon me; and that, having robbed me +of my writings, there was a concerted and fixed plan to render me +contemptible, take away my character, and devote me to ruin? + +The longer I thought the more painful were the sensations that +assaulted me. I had already been complaining to the whole city. Some +few indeed seemed to credit me; but more to suspect; and none heard of +my treatment with that glowing detestation which my feelings required. +Were I to tell this new tale, incredibly atrocious as it was, what +would men think, but that I was a general calumniator, a frantic +egotist, and a man dangerous to society? The total inability that I +felt in myself, to obtain ample and immediate justice, almost drove me +mad. + +I had previously determined to quit Oxford, and this new goad did but +quicken my departure. My preparations were soon made; and from some +vague, and to myself undefined ideas, partly of expedition, and partly +of letting the president, the college, and the whole university see +that I, Hugh Trevor, was no ordinary person, a chaise and four waited +my commands at the gate about noon the next day, behind which my goods +and chattels were buckled, and I, after taking leave of the two or +three friends who were thoughtless or courageous enough to acknowledge +me, threw myself indignantly into it, with more maledictions in my +heart than my impatient tongue could find energy to utter. + +Arrived in London, it especially became me, as I supposed, to assume +that consequence which should teach my enemies respect. I had money in +my pocket, anger impelling me, and more pride than prudence. A waiter +was dispatched from the Gloucester coffee-house, and apartments for +myself and a valet were hired, in Half Moon Street, at three guineas +and a half per week. The valet was a sudden decision, originating in +the same false feelings that had lately taken possession of me. When I +consulted the mistress of the coffee-house concerning apartments, she +said, 'You have a servant to be sure, Sir?' 'Yes, madam;' replied my +alarmed vanity. 'No, madam;' instantly retorted my veracity, still +more alarmed; 'but I mean to hire one.' 'There,' continued she, +pointing to a smart well powdered young fellow that was talking to one +of the waiters, 'there stands one out of place, who I dare say will be +glad of a good master. Here, Philip!' + +I was one of the fools who, right or wrong, imagine it behooves +them to be consistent. I was ashamed to retract, had not learned to +prevaricate, and Philip, to whom as a footman I could discover no +rational objection, was hired. + +My effects were presently removed; my useless valet sent to loiter, +and improve himself in vice, as valets usually are, and I left to +meditate on the plan I had to pursue. + +A little reflection induced me to renounce all thoughts of the church; +for which indeed the doubts that the conversation of Turl had inspired +me with, the inquiries to which these doubts led, and the disgust I +had conceived at the character and conduct of the bishop had well +prepared me. + +For some time I sat perplexed in thought. During the life of the +rector, I had often been told that the law was the road to honour; +and when at the university, being eager to secure this said honour +to myself, I had laboriously read some of the civilians. I say +laboriously, for the task was far from inviting. The obscurity of +their terms, the contradictions I thought I discovered, and the +voluminous perplexity in which the whole was involved, were no +alluring pictures. + +With what pleasure did the wearied intellect escape from this +wilderness of weeds and brambles, to rove through the paradise of +poetry. The minstrelsy of genius, sporting with the fancy rouzing the +passions and unfolding the secrets of the heart, could fascinate at +all times; while nothing could sooner create lassitude and repugnance +than the incongruous jargon of law. + +But, alas, who ever heard of a poet being made Lord High Chancellor? +Appoint him to such a station and he would act like a madman! Instead +of employing his journeymen to dig through the rubbish of ignorance +for precedents, he would listen to the wants of the injured, and would +conceive that by relieving them only he could do justice! Did not the +history of the world proclaim that, he who would attain wealth and +power must turn the prejudices of mankind to their own harm? + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +_The play-house, and an old acquaintance: Satirical portraits: +Reception of a new comedy; or, of how much worth are praise and +blame?_ + + +These were painful reflections, and, leaving the case undetermined +for the present, I escaped from them by shifting the scene to the +play-house. It happened to be the first night of a new comedy, and +here in the boxes I perceived an acquaintance, whom I had met at the +house of Ellis. His name was Glibly, and the moment he saw me enter he +advanced and accosted me with that familiarity which was essential to +his character. + +Glad of company, in a city where I was so little known, I freely +entered into conversation with him; and the amusement he afforded me +well repaid my complaisance. He had long been what is called upon the +town, and was acquainted more or less with all orders of men. He was +intimate with authors, actors, and artists, of every kind and degree; +knew their private and public history, could give anecdotes of each, +and enumerate their various performances. Opera girls and their +keepers, musicians and musical dilletanti, connoiseurs and their +jackalls, (picture dealers and auctioneers) collectors, shell fossil +and fiddle fanciers, in short every class of idlers that I have +since found swarming in this miscellaneous town ranked among his +acquaintance. + +He had long, as I afterward discovered, been a newspaper critic; had +written prologues, appeared in poet's corner, abounded in sarcastic +remarks, and possessed an Athenian loquacity. He had indeed a copious +vocabulary, an uncommon aptitude of phrase, though not free from +affectation, and a tide of tongue that was incessant. + +He probably thought my personal appearance creditable, for he did +not quit me during the performance, but amused me with the satirical +portraits of various people, whom he pointed out to me in the house. + +'Do you see that man,' said he, 'who is just entering; three boxes +distant on the right? He is handing two ladies to their seats, and is +followed by a youngster who is all pertness and powder. They make a +great shew, and on a first night give an appearance of good company. +That is Mynheer van Hopmeister, a Dutch dancing-master, with his +daughter, son, and a kept mistress. They live all together on very +good terms; and his own girl has preserved her character by her +ugliness, affectation, and ill breeding. He drives about in his +chariot, which passing in the street you would suppose belonged to +a Neapolitan Count, or a German Envoy at least. He gives dinners +occasionally of several removes, to which he invites all the fools and +fiddlers he can find, treats with French wines, and usually makes up a +quartet party for the evening, which he spoils by playing a principal +part himself. He is nearly two thousand pounds in debt; and, in all +things mimicking the great, has been obliged to put his affairs to +nurse. Except the booby his son, he is the most prating, forward, +ignorant coxcomb of my acquaintance; and that is a bold word. But his +impertinence makes him amusing: I will introduce you.' + +I thanked my gentleman for his politeness, but declined the offer: and +he continued. + +'Look at that man in brown, leaning against the pillar! He is a +painter, and a man of genius; but the greatest ass existing!' + +'How? Of genius, and--!' + +'Hear and judge for yourself. No man has studied his art with so much +assiduity and zeal, or practised it with greater enthusiasm; but, +instead of confining himself to portrait-painting, by which with half +the labour and one tenth of the talent he might have made a fortune, +he devoted all his youth to poverty and starving, and undertook a +series of paintings that would have immortalized a man under the +patronage of Leo. X. This task he was years in accomplishing, living +all the while on little better than bread and water, and that procured +by robbing his nights of the hours of rest; for his pride, which he +calls independence, is as great as his ambition, which he dignifies +with the title of a love of fame. But the most prominent trait in his +character is a jealous--' + +Here my commentator, suddenly interrupting himself, pressed my arm, +and bade me turn to the left. + +'There,' said he pointing, 'is a Mr. Migrate; a famous clerical +character, and as strange an original as any this metropolis affords. +He is not entitled to make a figure in the world either by his riches, +rank, or understanding; but with an effrontery peculiar to himself +he will knock at any man's door, though a perfect stranger, ask him +questions, give him advice, and tell him he will call again to give +him more the first opportunity. By this means he is acquainted with +every body, but knows nobody; is always talking, yet never says any +thing; is perpetually putting some absurd interrogation, but before it +is possible he should understand the answer puts another. His desire +to be informed torments himself and every man of his acquaintance, +which is almost every man he meets; yet, though he lives inquiring, +he will die consummately ignorant. His brain is a kind of rag shop, +receiving and returning nothing but rubbish. It is as difficult to +affront as to get rid of him; and though you fairly bid him begone +to-day, he will knock at your door, march into your house, and if +possible keep you answering his unconnected fifty times answered +queries tomorrow. He is the friend and the enemy of all theories and +of all parties; and tortures you to decide for him which he ought +to chuse. As far as he can be said to have opinions, they are crude +and contradictory in the extreme; so that in the same breath he +will defend and oppose the same system. With all this confusion of +intellect, there is no man so wise but he will prescribe to him how he +ought to act, and even send him written rules for his conduct. He has +been a great traveller, and continually abuses his own countrymen for +not adopting the manners and policy of the most ignorant, depraved, +and barbarous nations of Europe and Africa. He pretends to be the +universal friend of man, a philanthropist on the largest scale, yet is +so selfish that he would willingly see the world perish, if he could +but secure paradise to himself. Indeed he can think of no other being; +and his child, his canary bird, his cook-maid, or his cat, are the +most extraordinary of God's creatures. This is the only consistent +trait in his character. In the same sentence, he frequently joins +the most fulsome flattery and some insidious question; that asks the +person, whom he addresses, if he do not confess himself to be both +knave and fool. Delicacy of sentiment is one of his pretensions, +though his tongue is licentious, his language coarse, and he is +occasionally seized with fits of the most vulgar abuse. He declaims +against dissimulation, yet will smilingly accost the man whom--'Ha! +Migrate! How do you do? Give me leave to introduce you to Mr. Trevor, +a friend of mine; a gentleman and a scholar; just come from Oxford. +Your range of knowledge and universal intimacy, with men and things, +may be useful to him; and his erudite acquisitions, and philosophical +research, will be highly gratifying to an inquirer like you. An +intercourse between you must be mutually pleasing and beneficial, and +I am happy to bring you acquainted.' + +This, addressed to the man whom he had been satirizing so unsparingly, +was inconceivable! The unabashed facility with which he veered, from +calumny to compliment, the very moment too after he had accused the +man whom he accosted of dissimulation, struck me dumb. I had perhaps +seen something like it before, but nothing half so perfect in its +kind. It doubly increased my stock of knowledge; it afforded a new +instance of what the world is, and a new incitement to ask how it +became so? The inquiry at first was painful, and half convinced me of +the truth of manicheism; but deeper research taught me that the errors +of man do not originate in the perversity of his nature, but of his +ignorance. + +These however were most of them after thoughts, for Glibly did not +allow us any long pause. + +'Yonder, in the green boxes,' said he, 'I perceive Mrs. Fishwife, the +actress. She should have played in the comedy we are come to see, but +threw up her part from scruples of conscience. It was not sufficiently +refined for her exquisite sensibility; it wounded her feelings, +offended her morals, and outraged her modesty. Yet in the Green-room, +she is never happy unless when the men are relating some lewd tale, or +repeating obscene jests; at every one of which she bursts into a horse +laugh, and exclaims--'Oh, you devil! But I don't hear you! I don't +understand a word you say!' To heighten the jest, her armours are as +public as the ladies on Harris's List.' + +'But perhaps there is something violently offensive and immoral, in +the part she refused?' + +'Not a syllable. The writer is too dull even for a _double entendre_, +as you will hear. Mere pretence. The author, who happens by some odd +accident to have more honesty than wit, and could not in conscience +comply with the present vicious mode of bestowing indiscriminate +praise on actors, when no small mixture of blame had been merited by +many of them, forbore to write a preface to his last piece; from which +she had thought herself secure of a large dose of flattery. This is an +offence she can never pardon.' + +'I have heard,' said Migrate, 'that our actresses are become +exceedingly squeamish.' + +'Oh ridiculous beyond belief. I have a letter in my pocket from a +young friend in a country company, the ladies of which have their +sensibility strung up to so fine a tone that he cannot take the +tragedy of King Lear for his benefit, because not one of them will +play either Regan or Goneril. If their feelings are so exquisite in +the country, where our wise laws treat players as vagabonds, what must +they be when loaded with all the legal, tragic, and royal dignity of a +London theatre?' + +This was so incredible that I expressed my doubts of the fact; but +they were ill founded, for Glibly produced the letter. + +A moment afterward two more of his acquaintance caught his eye. + +'Look to the right,' said he; 'the box next the gallery. There they +sit! Mr. and Mrs. Whiffle-Wit! They are now in state! They have really +a capacious appearance! Were Rubens or Jordaens but here, we should +have them painted in all the riches of oil colours, grinning in +company with Silenus and his ass. Let the poor author beware; they are +prodigious critics! Madam can write a farce, or even a solution to an +enigma, with as little labour as any lady in the land; and her dear +Mr. Whiffle-Wit can set them both to music, with no less facility and +genius! Nothing can equal them, except his own jigs on the organ! They +never fail to attend the first night of a new play; and their taste +is so very refined that nothing less than writing it themselves could +afford them satisfaction. They never admire any nonsense but their +own. The manager and author have always to thank them for exerting +their whole stock of little wit, and abundant envy, to put the house +into an ill temper. The favour is the more conspicuous because +they are _orderly people_. But that perhaps is a phrase you do not +understand, Mr. Trevor? They never pay for their places; yet always +occupy a first row for themselves, and in general the rest of the box +for their friends; who they take good care shall be as well disposed +toward the house and the author as they are. You may be sure to meet +them to-morrow, very industriously knocking at every door where they +can gain admission, to tell their acquaintance what a vile piece it +was; and what a strange blockhead the manager must be, who had refused +farces of their writing, and operas of their setting, yet could dare +to insult the town with such trash! They have now continued for years +in this state of surprise, and there is no knowing when it will end.' + +The satire of Glibly was incessant, till the tinkling of the +prompter's bell, and the rising of the curtain, put an end to his +remarks on persons, and turned them all on the piece. I cannot but +own the author opened an ample field for the effluvia of critic gall. +I know not whether Glibly might influence the tone of my mind, but I +think I never felt such ineffable contempt for any human production +as for the thing called a comedy, which I that night saw. Disjointed +dialogue, no attempt at plan or fable, each scene a different story, +and each story improbable and absurd, quibbles without meaning, puns +without point, cant without character, sentiments as dull as they were +false, and a continual outrage on manners, morals and common sense, +were its leading features. Yet, strange to tell, the audience endured +it all; and, by copious retrenchments and plaistering and patching, +this very piece had what is called a run! + +How capricious a thing is public taste! It can regale on garbage, from +which Hottentots would turn with loathing, and yet, in the frenzy of +idiotism, could reject and condemn Congreve's 'Way of the World!' + +Glibly treated the piece with unceasing contempt, yet clapped +every scene; and when, on two or three occasions, some few raised +their voices and called _off! off!_ he more loudly than the rest +vociferated, _Go on! go on!_ When it was over, he left me; saying it +was the most execrable piece he had ever beheld; but he had promised +to give it a good character, in the paper with which he was connected, +and this he must immediately go and write. + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +_Repetition of doubts: A very old acquaintance: Another pleasing +rencontre: Perplexity and suspense created_ + + +The adventures of the evening sent me home with no very agreeable +reflections. What a world was this! How replete with folly, hypocrisy, +and vice! What certainly had the man of virtue that his claims should +be heard? Amid the tumultuous pursuits of selfishness, where all +were eager to gratify their own passions and appease the capricious +cravings of vanity, how might truth and worth ascertain success? The +comedy I had seen had convinced me that farce, inanity, and supreme +nonsense, might not only pass current but find partisans; yet proofs +in abundance were on record that genius itself had no security against +faction, envy, and mistaken opposition. I was at present in a state of +warfare: and were judges like these to give the meed of victory? How +many creatures had the powerful and the proud obedient to their beck; +ever ready to affirm, deny, say and unsay; and, by falsehood and +defamation, involve in ruin men whose souls were the most pure, and +principles the most exalted! + +For some days I remained in a state of suspense, continually +determining to seek the satisfaction which I supposed my injuries +demanded, but undecided with respect to the method. + +This delay was still prolonged by another event. My man Philip, one +morning when he brought my breakfast, told me that a woman in the +house, who lived with a young lady on the second floor, had asked him +various questions concerning me; saying she was sure she knew me, that +she loved me from her soul, for that I had once saved the life of her +and her dear boy, and that she wished very much to see me. + +At first this account surprised me. A woman and a boy whose lives +I had saved? Where is she, said I? Below in the kitchen, answered +Philip. I bade him desire her to come up; and in a few minutes a woman +about the age of forty entered, but of whose countenance I had no +clear recollection. 'I beg pardon, Sir,' said she, 'for my boldness, +but your name I believe is Mr. Trevor?' + +'It is.' + +'Mr. Hugh Trevor?' + +'The same.' + +'God in his mercy bless and keep you! Since the night that you saved +my life, I never went to bed without praying for you. But you were +always a kind, dear, good child; and your uncle, Mr. Elford, was the +best of men!' + +The epithet, child, and the name of Elford instantly solved the +riddle: it was poor Mary; and the boy, whose life I had saved, was the +child of which she was delivered, after the adventure of the barn. +Her features suddenly became as it were familiar to me. She revived a +long train of ideas, inspiring that kind of melancholy pleasure which +mind so much delights to encourage. I kissed her with sincere good +will: and in sympathy with my feelings the poor creature, yielding +to her affections, clasped me round the neck, pressed me to her +cheek, exclaimed 'God in heaven for ever bless you!' then, suddenly +recollecting herself, with that honest simplicity which was so +constitutionally her character, dropped on her knees, and added, 'I +humbly beg pardon, Sir, for being so bold!' + +After some persuasion, I prevailed on her to sit down: but I could not +conquer her timidity and imaginary inferiority so far as to induce +her to partake of my breakfast. 'She knew her duty better; I was a +gentleman, once her dear young master, and she should always adore me, +and act as was befitting a poor servant, like her.' + +We talked over former affairs, and she brought many scenes of my +early youth strongly to recollection. On inquiry, she told me she +had apprenticed her son to a printer; that till this period she had +fed, clothed, and educated him by her own industry; and that he was +now likely to be no longer burthensome to her, being an apt and +industrious boy, and already capable of supplying himself with clothes +by his over-work. + +I farther learnt, from her discourse, that she lived with a young +lady, whom she affectionately loved; and there was something +mysterious occasionally in her phrases, that led me to imagine her +mistress had been unfortunate. 'She had been a kind mistress to her; +she loved her in her heart. Poor young lady! she did not deserve the +mishaps she had met with; and it was a shame that some men should be +so base as they were: but, though all the world should turn their +back on her, she would not be so wicked. Poor women were born to +be misused, by false-hearted men; and, if they had no pity for one +another, what must become of them?' + +I asked if she had lived with the lady long? She answered, that first +and last she had known her ever since she left Mr. Elford's service. + +'What! Was she of our county?' + +'Yea.' + +'Was I acquainted with her?' + +Mary hesitated, and my curiosity was rouzed--'What was the lady's +name?' + +'Miss Lydia Wilmot.' + +'Wilmot? Wilmot? Surely, not Miss Wilmot, the niece of the bishop of +----?' + +'No, no,' said Mary, ''a's not his niece, 'a has better blood in her +veins; thof mayhap 'a may have had her failings. God help us! who is +without 'em? A bishop? Lord ha' mercy on us! No Christian soul could +have believed there was so much wickedness in the world!' + +My impatience increased, and I eagerly demanded--'Did she ever live +with the bishop?' + +Poor Mary knew not what to answer; I perceived her confusion. 'Go, +Mary,' said I, 'and tell Miss Wilmot that Mr. Trevor presents his +compliments to her, and will be glad to speak to her the moment she is +at leisure.' + +After a little hesitation Mary went, continued up stairs some time, +and at last returned with--'Miss Wilmot's compliments: she should be +glad to see me.' + +I hurried to her apartment. My conjectures were too well founded to be +false: it was the same Miss Wilmot to whom I had been introduced by +the bishop, the sister of the guide of my studies and the friend of my +youth. Her embarrassment was considerable, she sunk on the sopha as +she curtsied, pointed to a chair, and faintly requested I would sit +down. + +I exerted myself to assume the tone that should tranquilize her +feelings; and by asking and answering my own questions, and +endeavouring myself to sustain the conversation, brought her with some +little difficulty to join in it. + +I was burning to interrogate her concerning the bishop, but was +restrained by the fear of wounding her sensibility. I inquired after +her brother, but him I found she had not lately seen. I forebore to be +minute, but it appeared that they knew not the place of each other's +abode. I sat with her an hour; but, notwithstanding my impatience, +perceiving she evaded the subject I wished to introduce, and turned +the discourse on the common place occurrences of the day. I was +too respectful of her delicacy to violate it, and left her with an +invitation to drink tea with me the following afternoon, which she +accepted. + +I saw Mary again in the interim, had some discourse with her, and, by +several phrases which she once more let fall, was involved in greater +perplexity. A person of my family had _a ruinated_ Miss Wilmot of all +hope; she never could have justice and right done her now; that was +_impossable_. But mayhap all things _was_ for the best. The base man +had shewn that he was not worth having. She was sorry, both on her +ladyship's account and mine; but there was no help for it. God send +him a good end! but she feared it! Such wickedness could never +prosper. + +This language was totally incomprehensible!--'A person of my family? +The base man? Sorry on my account?' What did she mean? + +Mary was afraid she had said too much--'I dare not tell you, dear good +Sir,' continued she; 'only don't you be _cunsarned_; it is no blame of +yours; you will know soon enough.' + +In this uncertainty she left me, impatiently hoping some farther +explanation from Miss Wilmot; of which I was not disappointed. The +afternoon came, Mary announced her mistress, we were left alone, and I +could no longer forbear expressing my desire of knowing her history. + +At first she felt some reluctance, but, when I informed her how much +Mary had already told, she sighed deeply, and said, 'I find, Sir, +it is in vain to think of concealment; I will, therefore, since you +desire it, relate the few events that are remarkable in my unfortunate +life. I fear they are more blameable than extraordinary; for, +from what I hear and see in this great city, mine are no uncommon +misfortunes. I even fear I am hitherto less wretched and guilty than +thousands. God only knows for what I am reserved!' + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +_The story of Miss Wilmot: Family misfortunes: A father's death: A +brother's disappointment: Intelligence that astonishes me: Wakefield +characterized: The death of Miss Wilmot's mother; and the dread of +fatal consequences: Piety and compassion of a bishop: Deep designs of +Wakefield: The good faith and affection of a poor adherent_ + + +'My father was an officer in the army, in which, though he served all +his life, he only attained the rank of major. He was twice married, +the second time to my mother at the age of thirty, by whom he had +five children, who, except my brother and myself, did not arrive at +maturity. Being reduced to the income of half-pay, they retired into +their native county, where they lived with such strict oeconomy that +they contrived to educate us better perhaps than the children of +people of much larger fortune. + +'My brother was the eldest child, and I the youngest, so that there +was an interval of fifteen years between us. My father had been well +educated, loved letters, and undertook to be my brother's instructor +himself to the age of fourteen. At this period my brother was admitted +a chorister at the cathedral of ----, at which city my parents had +fixed their residence. They were respected by all the inhabitants, +whose wealth, birth, and pride, did not place them at too great a +distance; and it was a severe mortification to be unable to provide +better for their son; but there was no remedy. + +'The disappointments of my father's life had given him a melancholy +cast, with an aptitude to be dissatisfied; and this propensity was +strongly communicated to my brother. The danger of a war between +England and Spain called my father up to town, in the hope of being +once more put on actual service. But in this his hopes again were +frustrated; and expence without benefit was incurred. Early, however, +in the American war, he obtained his wishes; unhappily obtained them, +for, having been long unused to the baneful severity of camps, he and +many more brave men were carried off, by the damps of the climate to +which he was sent. This happened when I was but nine years old; and my +mother was left with what little their economy had collected, and such +scanty provision as is made for officers widows. + +'My brother, however, who was truly affectionate, and active in +efforts to protect us, afforded my mother some aid. From being a +chorister, he had gained admission into the grammar-school; of which, +while he remained there, he was the pride and boast. Immediately after +our father's death, from the recommendation of his own merit and the +misfortunes of the family, he was appointed a Latin usher in the same +school; in which station he remained five years. The difference of +our age made him consider himself something rather like a father than +a brother to me: he loved me tenderly, took every method to improve +and provide for me, and expected in return something like parental +obedience. The manners of my mother were of the mild and pleasing +kind, with which qualities she endeavoured to familiarize me, and the +behaviour of the whole family gained general approbation and esteem. + +'My brother was deeply smitten with the love of letters: his poetical +essays were numerous, many of them were sent up to London and readily +admitted into periodical publications. + +'Anxious to place his family in that rank which he had been taught to +suppose it deserved, for my father and mother were both, though not +noble, well born, he did not rest satisfied with these attempts: he +wrote a tragedy, and, by the advice of people who pretended to have a +knowledge of such affairs, determined to go to London, that he might, +if possible, get it on the stage. From this my mother would fain have +dissuaded him, but his arguments and importunity at length prevailed. +He was then but nine and twenty, and I fourteen. + +'I could ill describe to you the state of anxiety and suspence in +which his various literary efforts involved him, while he remained in +London: but in about two years he returned to the country, despairing +of that pleasure, profit, and fame, which hope had delusively taught +him to consider as his due. This was the period at which he once more +became an usher of the school where you were educated. This too was +the period at which my misfortunes began. + +'And now, Mr. Trevor, I am coming to events in which you, without any +knowledge or interference of your own, may be said to be a partaker.' + +She paused a moment: and I, with amazement, doubt, and increasing +ardour, requested she would proceed. + +'The name of Wakefield must certainly be familiar to you?' + +'It is: I am sorry to say it is the name my mother at present bears.' + +'If you feel sorrow, Mr. Trevor, what must my feelings be? Mine! who, +had there been truth or honour in man, ought to have borne that name +myself. Mine! who, when I first heard of your mother's marriage, +should not have felt so severe a pang had a dagger been struck to my +heart. Mine! who from that moment, or rather from the fatal and guilty +moment when I confided in an unprincipled man, have never known that +cheerfulness and peace, which once were the inmates of my bosom!' + +'You astonish me, madam! Wakefield?' + +'Wakefield! Him have I to thank for loss of self-respect, a brother's +love, and perhaps a parent's life! I was my mother's companion, +consolation, and pride. How can I estimate a mother's grief? She died +within a year. Have I not reason to believe her days were shortened by +her daughter's guilt?' + +The pain of recollection was agonizing. She burst into a flood of +tears: nor could every effort she made keep down the deep sobs that +for some minutes impeded speech. I used every endeavour to appease +and calm her mind: she seemed sensibly touched by that sympathy which +intensely pervaded me; and, as soon as she could recover herself, thus +continued. + +'The kind part you take in my affliction, Mr. Trevor, affords me +greater relief than any that perhaps I have felt for years. It is +true the faithful Mary, good creature, has almost shed tear for tear: +but she herself is the daughter of misfortune, and from her, though +grateful, it is something like expected. You are a man; you perhaps +have been accustomed to the society of those whose pleasure is the +most exquisite when they can most contribute to the miseries of woman: +that you should be virtuous enough to contemn such instruction, does +more than sooth feelings like mine: and I think we esteem benefits the +more the less we expect them.' + +'But where, madam, did you first meet with Mr. Wakefield?' + +'In the city of ---- where he was bred, under his father, to the +profession of the law. From what I have seen of you, and from what I +have heard of your talents and understanding, I should have expected +you to have been the child of extraordinary parents; otherwise, I do +not much wonder at your mother's conduct, superior as she was to Mr. +Wakefield in years; for, of all the men I ever saw, he is the most +deceitful, plausible, and dangerous. Neither man nor woman are safe +with him; and his arts are such as to over-reach the most cautious. He +has words at will; and his wit and invention, which are extraordinary, +are employed to entrap, humiliate, degrade and ruin all with whom he +has intercourse. His ambition is to gratify his desires, by triumphing +over the credulity of the unsuspecting, whom he contemns for their +want of his own vices. It was he that, after having seduced me, placed +me in the family of the bishop, laid the plan that I should pass for +his lordship's niece, by various falsehoods cajoled me to acquiesce +(the chief of which was, that the project was but to save appearances, +till he could make me his wife) left me in that unworthy prelate's +power, then, returning to the country, plotted the marriage with your +mother, and, by his intimate knowledge of the weakness or vice of +each character, which he seems to catch instinctively, adapted his +scheme with such cunning to the avarice of his uncle as to gain his +concurrence and aid. + +'It was my clandestine departure at this period, and the rumours and +suspicions to which it gave birth, that again drove my brother from +the country. For some months neither he nor my mother knew what was +become of me. + +'At length her decline, and the extreme affliction of dying and +never hearing of me more, occasioned her to prevail on my brother to +advertise me in all the papers. This he did, by inserting the initials +of my name, and such other tokens as he knew must be intelligible to +me, should I read the advertisement; informing me at the same time of +the dying state of my mother. + +'His plan so far succeeded as to come to my knowledge. I read the +paper, was seized with horror at the information, and immediately +wrote in answer. It was too late! My mother was dead! and I left in +that state of distraction to which by a single moment's weakness I had +been thus fatally conducted! + +'Grief, despondency, and resentment, took firm possession of my +brother's mind. He wrote me a dreadful letter of the state of his +feelings; and, though he forebore explicitly to accuse me of my +mother's death, I could perceive the thought pervaded his mind. After +her funeral, he came up to London; but refused all intercourse with +me, once excepted. A few days only after that on which the bishop +introduced you to me, he came, knocked at the door, inquired if I were +at home, and sent up his name. + +'Of all the moments of my life, that was the most awful! A death-like +coldness seized me! The sound of my brother's name was horror! I know +not what I said to the servant, but the feelings of Mr. Wilmot were +too racking for delay: he was presently before me, dressed in deep +mourning; I motionless and dead; he haggard, the image of despair; so +changed in form that, but for the sharp and quick sighted suspicions +of guilt, had I met him, I should have passed him without suspecting +him to be my brother. + +'I can tell you but little of what passed. His sentences were +incoherent, but half finished, and bursting with passion that was +neither grief nor rage, nor reproach nor pardon, though a mixture of +them all. The chief impression that he left upon my mind was, that he +should soon be freed from the torment of existence: not by the course +of nature; he complained, with agony, that labour, disappointment, +injustice, and contamination itself could not kill him; but die he +would! + +'From that day to this, I have never seen or heard word of him more. +The deep despair with which he uttered his last resolution has kept me +in a state of uninterrupted terror. I daily read all the papers I can +buy or borrow with the excruciating dread, every paragraph I come to, +of catching his name, and, Oh! insufferable horror! reading an account +of his death! + +'My state of being seems wholly changed! I am no longer the same +creature! My faculties, which formerly compared to those of my brother +I thought slow even to stupidity, are now awakened to such keenness +of discernment that the world is multiplied upon me a million fold! +Sometimes it is all intelligence, though of a dark and terrific hue; +at other moments objects swarm so thick that they dance confusion, and +give me a foretaste of madness, to which I have now a constant fear +that I shall be driven. My own deep shame, the loss of the man whom +like an idiot I dearly loved, my mother's death, my brother's letter, +and particularly his last visit, have altogether given such an +impetuosity to my thoughts as I want the power to repel. Whither they +will hurry me God only knows. At one interval I imagine the earth +contains nothing but evil! At another, strange to tell! all is good! +all is wise! all harmonious! and I reproach my own extreme folly for +wanting happiness under so perfect a system! + +'Nay, there are times in which I persuade myself I have been guilty +of no crime! that there is no such thing as crime! and that the +distinctions of men are folly, invented by selfishness and continued +by ignorance! + +'Indeed, I know not whither my thoughts do not range. At one moment, I +seem as if I were actually free to penetrate the bowels of the earth, +dive into the deep, transport myself with a wish from planet to +planet, or from sun to sun, endure all extremes, overcome them, master +all resistance, and be myself omnipotent! The very next instant, +perhaps, I doubt if I have really any existence! if waking and +dreaming be not the same thing! and whether either of them are +definable or intelligible! At this very moment, I know not whither my +thoughts are wandering! or whether I ought not to snatch up this or +the other weapon of death, and instantly strike you breathless, for +having dared to listen to my shame!' + +While she spoke, her eyes sparkled, and flashed with that wildness +which her tongue with such rapid imagery pictured forth. Had it +continued, the tumult might have been dangerous; perhaps fatal; but +fortunately the firmness and intrepidity of my mind were equal to +the scene. With a cool and collected benevolence of look, and with +a determined though not severe tone of voice I said: 'My dear Miss +Wilmot, be calm; pause a moment; recollect yourself; I am your friend, +I hope you will never find another man your foe.' + +The idea suggested an opposite association to her active thoughts; in +an instant the fire vanished, her eyes were suffused, her features +relaxed, and she again burst into tears and sobs. I was careful not +to interrupt the tide of passion; it gave relief; and she presently +became more calm. Desirous as I was of hearing particulars concerning +the bishop, I gladly listened when, after a sufficient pause, she thus +resumed her tale. + +'You must not wonder, Mr. Trevor, that I do not tell my story in a +connected manner. Whenever I think on the subject, the incidents I +have related press upon my mind, produce sensations I cannot command, +and for a time obliterate less momentous circumstances. + +'The part which the bishop acted in this tragic drama is what I have +yet to relate. Mr. Wakefield's father, who let me here remark was an +unprincipled man and died insolvent, happened professionally, as a +lawyer, to have certain temporalities, in the county where he resided, +to manage for the bishop. This brought his son acquainted with the +character of the prelate. The relationship in which I stood to him'--I +interrupted her. + +'To whom, madam?' + +'The bishop.' + +'I understood he was no relation of yours?' + +'He is and is not.' + +'Pray explain.' + +'He is by marriage, twice removed; not the least by blood. His late +lady, a widow when he married her, was the half-sister of my father's +first wife; so that by the courtesy of custom he is called my uncle. +He is too artful not to have a shelter for his proceedings.--' She +continued: + +'An adept which as I have before said Mr. Wakefield is, in reading the +weak and vicious inclinations of the human heart, he hoped not only +to have rid himself of importunity from me, but, by rendering me +subservient to this unholy bishop's vile propensities, to have played +a deeper game. This is his delight. The pleasure he receives in making +other men's follies, passions, and vices, administer to his own, is +the greatest he knows. Were he but the cunningest man on earth, he +would think himself the greatest. + +'His character sympathized with that of the bishop, who was happy to +find so artful and so active an agent. It was not till I had been +in the prelate's family some time that the whole of their design +was explained to me. The bishop frequently used strange, and to me +unintelligible expressions; disgusting from any man, but from him +inexpressively offensive and odious; yet the full import of them I did +not so much as suspect. + +'Nor did he omit to make the solemnity of his supposed character an +abettor to his hypocrisy. Feelings of compassion, moral affection, and +Christian forgiveness were assumed. When I first entered his house +he gave me to understand that he was acquainted with my crime; this, +after mentioning it as a serious sin, affecting pity, he qualified +away, and, as people in all such situations must, talked an incoherent +jargon; that God hated and loved such sinners; that religion was all +powerful, but that man was frail; that Christ died to save us, and +therefore though we should fall, as perhaps the best of us were +subject to back slidings, his mercy was all sufficient. + +'But on this and every occasion, he was careful to say nothing open +and direct, by which he should be detected. If ever he ventured so far +as to excite serious questions from me, he was ever ready with evasive +answers, and had something like reasoning to offer, in defence of his +own manners and in ridicule of prudery. He began with caution, but +when he had accustomed me to such discourse, and after I had heard it +repeated even in the presence of his clerical companions, of which +you, Mr. Trevor, were once a witness, my surprize wore away; the pain +it gave me was diminished, and he became less and less reserved. + +'Still however he did not venture openly to declare himself; and +Mr. Wakefield was too busy, in wasting your mother's fortune and +gratifying his own desires, to attend to those of the bishop. But his +prodigality, which is excessive, after a time brought him to London; +and the bishop imagined that, with his help, my scruples would at last +be conquered. + +'The trial was made; not by the cautious bishop, but by Mr. Wakefield. +How such a proposition, coming from the man whom I had dearly loved, +and whose wife in justice I considered myself to be, was received, +you, who have a sense of the feelings of a highly injured and justly +indignant heart, may conceive! + +'Yet, impassioned determined and almost frantic as I was, it was with +difficulty he could relinquish his plan. Till that hour, I never +believed him so utterly devoid of principle; but he then laid bare his +heart, hoping to make me a convert to its baseness. He exulted in the +power we should obtain over this sensual prelate, and the sums which +by these means we might extort. He looked with transport forward, to +the opening which this would afford for projects still much deeper. +The vices of the great, with which he might thus become intimate, +afforded a field ample as his own vice could wish. Nor could all the +impatience of indignation, with which I continually interrupted him, +impede that flow which the subject inspired. + +'At length, disgusted beyond sufferance, I abruptly left him, and +sought relief from the racking sensations which he had excited. He +then entered into a correspondence with me, till I threatened to shew +his letters to the bishop. This induced him to desist, and for some +time I heard from him no more. At last he wrote once again, informing +me that you, Mr. Trevor, were come to London; characterizing you +as ignorant of the world and easily deceived; telling me that you +were intimate with the bishop; and advising me to promote a plan of +marriage between us, which he had proposed to the prelate as the best +way, in his own phrase, of making all things smooth! + +'I hope the deep shame I felt, when the bishop introduced you and made +the experiment, was sufficiently visible to convince you how repugnant +my feelings were to such a crime! + +'The bishop finding his first purpose thus defeated, and himself +encumbered by a kind of claimant, which his acknowledging me as a +niece had brought upon him, was determined at all events to rid +himself of me. Immediately before he left town, he wrote me a letter, +telling me that my loss of character was become too public for me to +receive any further countenance, from a man under the moral and divine +obligations which every bishop of the church of Christ must be; that +he was going on a visit to his diocese; that he could not think of +taking me, it was too flagrantly improper; and that he advised and +expected I should immediately return to my relations; further hoping +that I should see the enormity of my conduct, and reform. + +'Oh! Mr. Trevor, what a world is this! Had he offered me money, I +should have rejected it with disdain! but he had not even that much +charity. I instantly quitted the house with a few shillings only in my +pocket. + +'Mary had lived with me and my mother for some years before my +elopement: after my mother's death, my residence in the bishop's +family being known, I sent for her up to town and hired her. Her +artless affection made her my confidante; my situation required it; +and, when she heard the bishop's letter read, the kind creature with +honest anger instantly went and gave him warning. + +'A quarter's wages was all her wealth; for the earnings of her labour +she had constantly expended on her boy, for whom she seems to have +more than a mother's affection. She has been my constant comforter. +Seeing the tears in my eyes, as we left the bishop's house, with a +look of mingled pity and indignation she exclaimed--"Do not grieve, +dear madam; though I work my fingers to the bone, you shall not +want."' + +Miss Wilmot was proceeding with her narrative, when she was +interrupted by the hasty entrance of Mary. 'Oh madam,' said she, 'the +dear young lady and her maid are below. They were coming up stairs, +but I told them that you had a gentleman with you! Whereof at which +the young lady seemed a little in amaze; till I gave her to know that +it was only a friend of your brother's, a person from our own honest +country, and she would then a gone away, but as I said I was sure you +would be glad to see her, and would go up a purpose to your own room. +So do you go, madam, and I'll run down and tell her.' + +Miss Wilmot immediately took her leave; and, though my curiosity was a +little awakened, a sense of decorum would not suffer me to endeavour +to see her visitor. I therefore shut the door, and, as soon as all was +silent on the stairs, I took my hat and walked out; that by changing +the scene I might dissipate a part of the melancholy which her story +had produced. + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +_Anger unabated: More news of the bishop: Deliberation on the mode of +my revenge: The articles answered; and new assailing doubts: A visit +to Turl: Advice given and rejected: And former feelings revived_ + + +The next morning, when I came to reflect on all that I had heard, I +was surprised with the degree in which, by my mother's marriage with +Wakefield, I appeared to be implicated in the history. The character +of Wakefield, his prodigality, and total want of principle, were all +of a dangerous cast. Not satisfied with beggaring my mother, he had +projected to marry me to his mistress. The recollection of him roused +resentment, and cunning and inventive as he was described to be, I +wished for an opportunity of punishing his baseness, teaching him his +own insignificance, and treating him with the contempt he deserved. If +attacked, I had not yet learned the philosophy of forbearance. Though +I have been hurried forward too fast to narrate every little incident +as it occurred, yet it cannot be imagined that I all this while +neglected to peruse the defence of the articles published in the +bishop's name. No: it was my very first employment, on my arrival in +town; and though considerable trouble had been bestowed to disfigure +the work, as written by me, yet in substance I found it to be the +same. The wrongs of Miss Wilmot quickened my feelings, and, angry as I +was with Wakefield, I felt emotions of ten fold bitterness against the +bishop. + +Association easily conjured up the earl, the president, the tutor, +Themistocles, and the injustice and disgrace I had suffered at Oxford. +The fermentation was so great that I was determined, immediately, +to expose them to the broad shame that should drive them from human +society. + +In this benevolent project I was confirmed by another piece of +intelligence. One of the rich sees of the kingdom had become vacant. +The king's _congè d'elire_ was issued, and God's holy vicar the Bishop +of ***** himself was translated. What could I conclude, but that the +defence which I had written had been the cause? I had been made the +stepping stone of vice! I remembered the proceeding of the despot, +Frederic of Prussia, with the immortal Voltaire: the orange had been +squeezed, and the rind thrown to rot in the highway! + +My teeth gnashed with the abundance of my wrath, and the impotence +of my means. I had hitherto forborne to write from a perplexity of +different plans. At one moment I determined to address my foes in the +public papers; at another I would concentrate the story, and relate +the whole in a pamphlet. Now it should be a history; anon a satirical +novel; Asmodeus in London, in which I would draw the characters in +such perfection that, without mentioning names, the persons should be +visible to every eye. But then this would not be sufficiently serious. +Thousands might mistake that for fiction which I wished all the world +to know was fact. To give them the least shelter was cowardly to +myself, treacherous to society, and encouragement to the criminal. + +At last, the pamphlet was the mode on which I determined: and it was +begun with all the enthusiasm that the accumulating circumstances +could not but inspire, in a being constituted like me. Eager after +every species of aggravation, my anger could never be hot enough; the +gall of my ink was milk to that of my heart. The bitterness of my +feelings was tormenting; words that could burn, contempt that could +kill, shame that could annihilate, these and nothing less could +satisfy me. Could the serpent revenge fly, how would it dart and +sting! Happily for man it can only crawl. That I had been treated +with great injustice was true: but of justice my notions were very +inadequate; of revenge I had more than enough for a nation. + +While hot in the pursuit of this task, I was diverted from it by +the publication of an answer to the articles. The moment I saw it +advertised, not sufficiently habituated to the vice of indolence +myself to recollect that I had an idle footman below, I hurried to +the publisher's, purchased it, and returned with a greyhound speed to +devour its contents. + +Disgusted as I was with the members of the church, and beginning even +to doubt of the perfect orthodoxy of the church itself, I still had +too high an opinion of my own arguments to imagine the wit of man +could overturn them. + +My haste had been so great that I had not taken off the paper, in +which the pamphlet was wrapped; and in the shop I had read no more +than the title-page. What was my surprise when snatching it from my +pocket and opening it, I discovered, at the conclusion of a short +preface, the name of Turl! it's author! + +My emotions were confused. At one moment an answer from him was what I +wished; the next it was something like what I feared. In all argument, +I had hitherto found him so cool, so collected, and so clear, that, to +my imagination, he perhaps was the only man on earth fit to cope with +me. But the grating question, 'Was I fit to cope with him?' would +now and then recur. I could not but feel that I had, in a certain +manner, been subdued and cowed by his greater extent of knowledge, +perspicuity, and masculine genius. By thoughts like these my anxiety, +if not my ardour, was increased, and I began to read. + +My forebodings were fulfilled. The impotence of my arguments was +exposed, their absurdity and self-contradiction ridiculed, their evil +tendency demonstrated, their falsehood rendered odious, and the author +of them treated like a child. My self respect was wounded at every +line, each paragraph was a death stab, and I never before felt myself +so completely ridiculous. + +As a lesson of philosophy it was the most serious, salutary, and +impressive I ever received; for though, while reading, I affirmed to +myself that every thing urged against me was weak, or ill founded, +inconclusive, or absolutely false, yet the arguments returned with +increasing and reiterated force, haunting and oppressing me like a +painful dream from which I could not awake. + +The evil tendency which he proved against my doctrines was the least +to be forgotten. As far as I understood myself, I had a sincere love +of truth, and an unfeigned desire to benefit, not mislead and oppress, +mankind. As the author of the defence, the heavy charge of immorality +was brought against me; not by personal attacks on my substitute, the +bishop, but by a detail of the consequences of such doctrines. + +This event made me pause and consider, though with but little +propensity to candour, concerning the pamphlet on which I was then +engaged. Consideration however did but seem to confirm me in my +purpose. Let my defence be right or wrong, and I had by no means yet +decided in the negative, still the turpitude of the bishop and my +persecutors was no less flagitious. These incidents once more turned +my thoughts toward Turl, whom I knew not whether to admire, love, or +hate. I was not so entirely overwhelmed but that I had arguments, +at least I had words, at my command. Beside, I felt a wish to +communicate to him my projected attack, and perhaps read a part of my +pamphlet, that it might, as it certainly must, meet his approbation. +I felt satisfied that what he approved could not be wrong. And how +disapprove? On former occasions indeed my hopes, in this respect, had +been deceived; but now it was impossible! The case was so clear! In +the present instance, there could be but one opinion! + +Feelings which were not the most honourable to myself, for their +source was egotism, had withheld me from visiting him since my return; +but these were now subdued, by others that were more imperious. I was +not satisfied with requiring his approbation of my plan of vengeance; +my choleric vanity challenged him to the lists, and the combat was +resolved upon. + +As I was going, I recollected the shortness of the period in which his +answer had been composed and published, and this did but remind me of +the champion I had to encounter. + +I found him, as before, tranquily pursuing his labours; except that +now he was writing, engaged as I imagined on the grand work he had +projected; though his copper and engraving tools lay dispersed by +his side. He received me as usual with calmness, but not without an +evident mixture of pleasure. Irritable as my feelings were, I had +always experienced something infinitely more dissatisfactory in being +angry with him than with any other person. In his countenance there +was a sedate undeviating rectitude, that, but for my impetuous disdain +of all restraint, would have inspired awe; yet, whenever his eye met +the eye of another, there was something so benevolent as almost to +disarm ill humour. + +Replete with new arguments, as I supposed, but which in reality were +only a repetition of those I had already adduced, I burst upon him +with a multitude of words; defending my own defence of the articles +and attacking his answer. He made various ineffectual attempts to +arrest my career, and at last was obliged to suffer me to weary +myself; after which he calmly replied. + +'The best answer I can give, to all you have urged, is to request +you will read the defence of the articles and my answer again, with +care. Either I am mistaken or you will find every thing you have said +already confuted.' + +I endeavoured to divert him from this defence by reference, but he +continued to urge that he should only weaken his cause by answering +desultory arguments in a desultory way; which in the present case +would be folly, because his answer was already given in a clear and as +he believed conclusive manner. + +Finding his purpose not to be shaken, I asked him if he were aware +that I was the author of the defence of the articles? He answered +that, seeing the bishop's name to the publication, he could not but +suppose the bishop himself had been intimately concerned in the +writing of the work: but, from what I had formerly told him, he had +suspected me to be a fellow-labourer. + +'If so,' said I, 'Mr. Turl, how did it happen that you felt no +aversion to the confutation, as you suppose, of a man for whom you had +professed a regard?' + +He replied, 'You, Mr. Trevor, are well acquainted with my answer: +"Socrates is my friend, Plato is my friend, but truth is more my +friend." If I myself had written falsehood yesterday, and now knew it +to be such, I would answer it to day. Would not you?' + +It was a home question, and I was silent. + +This subject ended, he made some kind and cordial inquiries +concerning my present pursuits, and these furnished the opportunity +of unburthening my heart. I related to him, with all the indignation +which resentment inspired, my whole history; and ended with informing +him of my determination to publish the vice and infamy of all the +parties to the world. On this a dialogue began. + +'Which way will you publish them?' + +'In a narrative, that I am now writing.' + +'A sense of duty has obliged me to tell you that, in my opinion you +have been guilty of several mistakes already: you are now intent upon +another.' + +'How so?' + +'The excess of your anger perverts your judgment, and you cannot +write such a narrative without keeping your passions in a vitiated +state. Owing to the prejudices of mankind, you will impeach your own +credibility. Moderate men will think you rash, the precise will call +you a detractor, and the partisans, who are numerous, of the persons +you will attempt to expose will raise a cry against you, that will +infinitely overpower the equivocal proofs you can produce. It will +become a question of veracity, and yours will be invalidated by the +improbability, if not of the guilt, at least of the folly of your +persecutor's conduct. You cannot reform them, will do yourself much +harm, and the world no good. You will not only misemploy your time for +the present, but impede your power for the future.' + +'If such be the consequences of honestly speaking the truth, what is +the conduct that I am to pursue? Am I to be a hypocrite, and listen +with approbation while men boast of their vices, glory in their +false principles, and proclaim the destructive projects they mean to +pursue?' + +'No.' + +'Is not silence approbation?' + +'Yes.' + +'Yet your system will not allow me to speak!' + +'You accuse my system unjustly: it is the manner of speaking to which +it attends. The precaution of speaking so as to produce good, not bad, +consequences is the doctrine I wish to inculcate. He that should sweep +the streets of pea-shells, lest old women might break their necks, +would doubtless have good intentions; yet his office would only be +that of a scavenger. Speak, but speak to the world at large, not +to insignificant individuals. Speak in the tone of a benevolent +and disinterested heart, and not of an inflamed and revengeful +imagination! otherwise you endanger yourself, and injure society.' + +'What, shall any cowardly regard to my own safety induce me to +the falsehood of silence? For is it not falsehood, of the most +contemptible and atrocious kind, to forbear publishing such miscreants +to the world? It is this base this selfish prudence, that encourages +men like these to proceed from crime to crime. Had they been exposed +in their first attempt, their effrontery could never have been so +enormous. No! I am determined! Were my life to be the sacrifice, I +will hold them up a beacon, alike to the wicked and the unwary! Will +paint them in the gross and odious colours that alone can characterize +their actions, and drive them from the society of mankind!' + +'Do you conceive you are now speaking in the spirit of justice, or of +revenge?' + +'Of both.' + +He who is resolved not to be convinced does not wish to hear his last +argument answered. With this short reply, therefore, I rose, took my +hat, made some aukward apology, was sorry we were fated to differ so +continually in principle, but each man must act from his own judgment; +was obliged to him nevertheless for his sincerity and good intention, +and once more took my leave, more angry than pleased, much in the same +abrupt manner that I had formerly done. The similarity indeed forced +itself upon me as I was quitting the door, and I knew not whether to +accuse myself of pettishness, obstinacy, and want of candour; or him +of singularity, and an inflexible sternness of opposition. At all +events, my purpose of publishing my pamphlet as soon as it should be +written was fixed; and to that labour I immediately returned. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +_Story of Miss Wilmot concluded: Olivia not forgotten: A gaming-table +friend characterized: Modern magicians: Suspicious principles: The +friend's absence, and return: Allegorical wit, and dangerous advice_ + + +Various causes induced me to take the first opportunity of again +visiting Miss Wilmot; her story had inspired compassion and respect. +She might be in want, and to relieve her would give me pleasure. +Beside which I had a number of questions to ask, especially concerning +this Wakefield; and some desire to know who and what the young lady, +who was so great a favourite with Mary, might be. + +In the evening I saw Miss Wilmot; and, in offering her with as much +delicacy as possible pecuniary aid, she informed me that fortunately +she had found a friend; generous, beneficent, and tender; not less +prudent than kind; and, though very young, possessed of a dignity of +understanding such as she had never before met in woman. Miss Wilmot +spoke with so much enthusiasm that I, whose imagination readily caught +fire, felt a redoubled wish to see this angel. + +I hinted it to Miss Wilmot, but with apologies; and she replied that +the young lady had expressly requested her visits might be private, +and her name concealed. I inquired how they had first become +acquainted, and learned that it was in consequence of the friendly +zeal of Mary, who had a countrywoman that lived servant in the family +of this young lady, and from whom she gained intelligence of the +liberal and noble qualities of her mistress. The first retreat of Miss +Wilmot, after leaving the house of the bishop, was to a poor lodging +provided by Mary. From this she was removed by the friendly young lady +to her present asylum, till she could find the means of maintaining +herself; and had since been supplied with necessaries through the same +channel. 'The favours she confers on me,' said Miss Wilmot, 'are not +so properly characterised by delicacy, as by a much higher quality; +an open and unaffected sensibility of soul; a benevolent intention +of promoting human happiness; and an unfeigned heart felt pleasure +which accompanies her in the performance of this delightful duty. +The particulars I have now related,' continued she, 'were all that +remained to be told when I was interrupted by Mary, at our last +meeting; and you are now acquainted with my whole story.' + +Every conversation that I had with Miss Wilmot confirmed the truth of +her own remark, that her intellect had been greatly awakened by the +misfortunes in which her mistakes had involved her; and particularly +by the deep despondency of her brother. He, Wakefield, and the young +lady were the continual topics of her discourse; but her brother the +most and oftenest. I was several times a witness that the papers were +daily perused by her, with all those quick emotions of dread which she +had so emphatically described. The terror of his parting resolution +was almost too much for her, and it was with difficulty she preserved +her mind from madness. I saw its tendency, and took every opportunity +to sooth and calm her troubled spirit; and my efforts were not wholly +ineffectual. + +In the mean time I did not forget that I was not possessed of the +purse of Fortunatus. On the contrary, I had a mighty task before me. +The image of Olivia incessantly haunted me. The ineffable beauty of +her form, the sweet and never to be forgotten sensibility that she +displayed when I first saw her in the presence of Andrews, at Oxford, +and the native unaffected dignity of her mind were my constant themes +of meditation. Must I behold her in the arms of another? The thought +was horror! Yet how to obtain her? If I studied the law, preliminary +forms alone would consume years. From the church I was banished. A +military life I from principle abhorred; even my half ripe philosophy +could not endure the supposition of being a hireling cut-throat. +Literature might afford me fame, but of riches gained from that source +there was scarcely an example. + +From literary merit however men had obtained civil promotion; it must +not therefore be neglected. Of such neglect indeed my passionate love +of letters would not admit. With respect to law, though infinitely too +slow for the rapidity of my desires, still it was good to be prepared +for all events. I therefore entered myself of the Temple, and thus +began another snail-pace journey of term keeping. + +Youth is a busy season, and, though occupations are forced upon it +of a nature too serious for its propensities, it fails not to find +time for amusement. In St. James's-street, near the palace, was +a billiard-table, to which when an inmate with Lord Idford I had +resorted. It was frequented by officers of the Guards, and other +persons who were chiefly supposed to be men of some character and +fashion. Among them I had met a young gentleman of the name of +Belmont, remarkable for the easy familiarity of his address, an +excellent billiard player, and who had in a manner attached himself to +me, by a degree of attention that was engaging. I thought indeed that +I discovered contradictory qualities in him; but the sprightliness of +his imagination, and the whimsicality of his remarks, compensated +for a looseness of principle, which was too apparent to be entirely +overlooked. + +He frequently turned the conversation on the county of which I was a +native, having, as he informed me, and as his discourse shewed, many +acquaintance in that county. Since my return to town I had again met +him, and he had sought my company with increasing ardour. + +Flattered by this preference, and often delighted with the flights +of his fancy, I returned his advances with great cordiality. His +appearance was always genteel, but from various circumstances I +collected that he was not at present rich. His expectations, according +to his own account, were great; and his familiar habits of treating +every man, be his rank or fashion what it might, seemed to signify +that he considered himself their equal. + +When we first met, after my return to town, he was desirous I should +relate to him where I had been, and what had befallen me: and when he +heard that I had visited the county of--he became more pressing to +know all that had happened. To encourage me, he gave me the following +account of himself. + +'For my own part, Mr. Trevor, I am at present under a cloud. I shall +sometime or another break forth, and be a gay fellow once again: nor +can I tell how soon. I love to see life, and I do not believe there +is a man in England of my age, who has seen more of it. Perhaps you +will laugh when I tell you that, since we last parted, I have been +_vagabondizing_. You do not understand the term? It offends your +delicacy? I will explain.' + +He saw he had raised my curiosity, and with a loquacity that sat easy +on him, and a vivacity of imagery in which as I have said he excelled, +he thus continued. + +'Perhaps you will think a gentleman degraded, by having subjected +himself to the denomination of a vagrant? Though, no; you have wit +enough to laugh at gray-beards, and their ridiculous forms and absurd +distinctions. Know then, there is a certain set or society of men, +frequently to be met in straggling parties about this kingdom, who, +by a peculiar kind of magic, will metamorphose an old barn, stable, +or out-house, in such a wonderful manner that the said barn, stable, +or out-house, shall appear, according as it suits the will or purpose +of the said magicians, at one time a prince's palace; at another a +peasant's cottage; now the noisy receptacle of drunken clubs and +wearied travellers, called an inn; anon the magnificent dome of a +Grecian temple. Nay, so vast is their art that, by pronouncing audibly +certain sentences which are penned down for them by the head or master +magician, they transport the said barn, stable, or out-house, thus +metamorphosed, over sea or land, rocks, mountains or deserts, into +whatsoever hot, cold, or temperate region the director wills, with as +much facility as my lady's squirrel can crack a nut. What is still +more wonderful, they carry all their spectators along with them, +without the witchery of broomsticks. + +'These necromancers, although whenever they please they become +princes, kings, and heroes, and reign over all the empires of the vast +and peopled earth; though they bestow governments, vice-royalties, +and principalities upon their adherents, divide the spoils of nations +among their pimps, pages, and parasites, and give a kingdom for a +kiss, for they are exceedingly amorous; yet, no sooner do their +sorceries cease, though but the moment before they were reveling and +banqueting with Marc Antony, or quaffing nectar with Jupiter himself, +it is a safe wager of a pound to a penny that half of them go +supperless to bed. A set of poor but pleasant rogues! miserable but +merry wags! that weep without sorrow, stab without anger, die without +dread, and laugh, sing, and dance to inspire mirth in others while +surrounded themselves with wretchedness. + +'A thing still more remarkable in these enchanters is that they +completely effect their purpose, and make those who delight in +observing the wonderful effects of their art laugh or cry, condemn or +admire, love or hate, just as they please; subjugating the heart with +every various passion: more especially when they pronounce the charms +and incantations of a certain sorcerer called Shakspeare, whose +science was so powerful that he himself thus describes it. + + --'I have oft be-dimm'd + The noon-tide sun, call'd forth the mutinous winds, + And 'twixt the green sea and the azur'd vault + Set roaring war: to the dread rattling thunder + Have I given fire, and rifted Jove's stout oak + With his own bolt: the strong-bas'd promontory + Have I made shake; and by the spurs pluck'd up + The pine and cedar: graves, at my command, + Have wak'd their sleepers; op'd, and let them forth + By my so potent art.' + +'I understand you,' said I; delighted with the picture he had drawn. +'Your necessities have obliged you to turn player?' + +'Not altogether my necessities,' answered he: 'it was more from a +frolic, and to know the world. That is my study, Mr. Trevor. But can +you tell me why players, by following their profession, act in some +places contrary to all law, and are called strollers, vagabonds, and +vagrants, and in others are protected by the law, and dignified with +the high and mighty title of his Majesty's Servants?'-- + +'Indeed I cannot,' said I. + +He continued: 'Mark my words; the day will come, Mr. Trevor, when you +will discover that there are greater jugglers in the world than your +players, wonderful as their art of transformation is. The world is all +a cheat; its pleasures are for him who is most expert in legerdemain +and cajolery; and he is a fool indeed who is juggled out of his share +of them. But that will not I be.' + +He then turned the conversation to me, and what had happened during my +visit in the country. I was beginning my short narrative, but we were +interrupted by an acquaintance, who joined us; and we two or three +times met again in the billiard-room, before any opportunity presented +itself. + +One evening however he followed me out, and required me to discharge +my promise. Accordingly I told him all that had occurred; but not +without those feelings of indignation which the subject always +awakened. He rather seemed diverted than to sympathize in my angry +sensations, and asked me 'whether I thought those men, whom the world +call swindlers, black-legs, and other hard names, were not at least as +honest as many of their neighbours?' + +He paid most attention to my mother's story; and, I having +characterized Wakefield according to the traits my mother and Miss +Wilmot had given me, he observed that 'this Wakefield must certainly +be a cunning fellow, and of no mean abilities.' + +'In my opinion,' I replied, 'he is an unprincipled scoundrel; and +indeed a greater fool than knave; for, with the same ingenuity that he +has exerted to make all mankind his enemies, he might have made them +all his friends.' + +Belmont's answer was remarkable. 'You have this ingenuity yourself, +Mr. Trevor; talents which you have exerted, in your own way. Have you +made all men your friends?' + +I was silent, and after a moment's pause he added--'Come, come! You +have spirit and generosity; I will tell you how you can serve me. I +have a relation, from whom I could draw a good supply at this moment, +if I had but a small sum for travelling expences. Lend me ten guineas: +I will be back in a week and repay you.' + +The pleasantness of his humour, and the manner in which he had gained +upon me, were sufficient to insure him a compliance with this request. +I had the money in my pocket, gave it him, and we bade each other +adieu; with a promise on his part that 'he would soon be in town +again, new moulted and full of feather.' + +I must not omit to notice that, having had occasion to hint at Miss +Wilmot, in the story I had told him, but without mentioning her name, +which he never indeed seemed desirous to know, he put many questions +relating to her. He inquired too concerning her brother; and, though +he gave no tokens of deep passion, was evidently interested in the +whole narrative. His queries extended even to the bishop, and the +earl; and he discovered a great desire to be minutely informed of all +that related to me. His interrogatories were answered without reserve, +for I understood them as tokens of friendship. + +In less than a fortnight, I met him again, at the usual place: +for he had always been averse to visit me at my lodgings. This I +had attributed to motives of vanity; for example, his not having +apartments perhaps, such as he wished, to invite me to in return. His +appearance, the moment I saw him, spoke his success. His dress was +much improved, he sported his money freely, and being engaged at play +more than once betted ten pounds upon the hazard. He was successful +in his match, in high spirits, welcomed me heartily, and was full of +those flights in which his vigorous imagination was so happy. + +'Life,' said he, 'Trevor,' putting on his coat after he had done play, +'life is a game at calculation; and he that plays the best of it is +the cleverest fellow. Or, rather, calculation and action are husband +and wife; married without a possibility of divorce. The greatest +errors of Mrs. Action proceed from a kind of headstrong feminine +propensity, which she has to be doing before her husband, Mr. +Calculation, has given her proper directions. She often pours a +spoonful of scalding soup into his worship's mouth, before the +relative heat between the liquid and the papillary nerves has been +properly determined; at which, in the aforesaid true feminine spirit, +she is apt, while he makes wry faces, to burst into a violent fit of +laughter. + +'Not but that Mrs. Action herself has sometimes very just cause of +complaint against her spouse; as most wives have. For example: If, in +coming down stairs, Mr. Calculation have made an occasional error but +of a unit, and told her ladyship she had only one step more to descend +when she had two, she, coming with an unexpected jerk in the increased +ratio of a falling body, is very much alarmed; and when the tip of +her rose-coloured tongue has happened, on such occasions, to project +a little beyond the boundaries prescribed by those beautiful barriers +of ivory called her teeth, it has suffered a sudden incision; nay +sometimes amputation itself: a very serious mischief; for this is +wounding a lady in a tender part. + +'What is error? Defect in calculation. What is ignorance? Defect in +calculation. What is poverty, disgrace, and all the misfortunes to +which fools are subject? Defect in calculation.' + +By this time we were in the street, walking arm in arm toward the +park, and he continued his jocular allegory.-- + +'You tell me you have a mind to turn author; and this makes me suspect +you understand but little of the algebra of authorship. Could you but +calculate the exact number of impediments, doubts, and disappointments +attending the trade, could you but find the sum of the objections +which yourself, your friends, and your employers will raise, not only +against your book but against the best book that ever was or will be +written, the remainder would be a query, the produce of which would be +a negative quantity, which would probably prevent both Sir and Madam +from reading either the nonsense or the good sense, the poetry or the +prose, the simple or the sublime, of the rhapsodical, metaphorical, +allegorical genius, Hugh Trevor: for in that case I suspect Hugh +Trevor would find a more pleasant and profitable employment than the +honourable trade of authorship. I have read books much, but men more, +and think I can bring my wit to a better market than the slow and +tedious detail of an A, B, C, manufactory.' + +I laughed and listened, and he presently broke forth with another +simile. + +'In what is the maker of a book better than the maker of a coat? +Needle and thread, pen and ink; cloth uncut and paper unsoiled; where +is the preference? except that the tailor's materials are the more +costly. In days of yore, the gentlemen of the thimble gave us plenty +of stay-tape and buckram; the gentlemen of the quill still give us +a _quantum sufficit_ of hard words and parenthesis. The tailor has +discovered that a new coat will sit more _degage_, and wear better, +the less it is incumbered by trimmings: but though buckram is almost +banished from Monmouth-street, it is still on sale in Paternoster-row. + +'I once began to write a book myself, and began it in this very +style: Fable, said I, is the cloth, and morality the lining; a +good diction makes an excellent facing, satire ensures fashion, +and humour duration; and for an author to pretend to write without +wit and judgment were as senseless as for a tailor to endeavour to +work without materials, or shears to cut them. Periods may aptly be +compared to buttons; and button holes are like-- + +'I could find no simile for button holes, and thank heaven! left off +in despair and never wrote another line. + +'Take my advice, Trevor; quit all thoughts of so joyless and +stupifying a trade! Every blockhead can sneer at an author; the title +itself is a sarcasm; and Job, who we are told was the most patient of +men, uttered the bitterest wish that ever fell from lips: "Oh that +mine enemy had written a book!" + +'Beside you are a fellow of spirit, fashion, form, and figure; and if +you will but keep company with me may learn a little wit. How many +fools are there with full purses, which if you be not as great a fool +as any of them, you might find the means to empty? He that is bound by +rules, which the rich make purposely to rob the poor of their due, is +like crows, scared from picking up the scattered corn by rags and a +manikin.' + +This discourse gave me no surprise; it was what I imagined to be +a free loose mode of talking, that did not correspond with his +principles of action. I deemed it a love of paradox, a desire to +shew his wit and original turn of thought, and was confirmed in +the supposition by his ironical and ludicrous replies, whenever I +attempted a serious answer. Such was the history of the beginning of +an acquaintance of which the reader will hear more. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +_An important secret betrayed by Mary: Transporting intelligence: The +reverse, or rain after sunshine: The reader entrusted with a secret: +Strange behaviour of a false friend: Lover's vows_ + + +I did not suffer a day to pass without either seeing or sending to +inquire after Miss Wilmot; so that our intercourse was continual. One +afternoon, being in my own room, after hearing as I thought footsteps +and female voices on the stairs, Mary knocked at my door, and, +entering as desired, shewed marks of eagerness on her countenance, the +meaning of which a question from me immediately caused her to explain. +'Lord! Sir,' said she, 'you cannot think what a hurry and flurry I be +in! And all about you!' + +'Me, Mary?' + +'You shall hear, Sir. My mistress is gone out to take a walk in the +park, as I _avised_ her to _divart_ her _mellicholy_; and so the dear +young lady has _bin_ here; Miss--! I had forgotten! I _munna_ tell her +name. But if ever there _wur_ an angel upon _arth_ she is one; she +says such kind things to my dear mistress, and does not blame her for +her fault; for, _thof_ she be as innocent herself as the child unborn, +she can pity the _misfortins_ of her own _sect_, when they a _bin_ +betrayed by false hearted men; and all that she says is that we _mun_ +take care to be more be-cautioned for the time to come: and then she +says it in so sweet, and yet so _serus_ a manner, that I am sure no +Christian soul if they'd a heard her would dare do other than as she +says. And as for a doing a good turn, I do verily believe she would +give the morsel out of her mouth afore a poor creature should be +driven to sin and shame for want--' + +I interrupted her: she had raised some strong surmises, and I was +impatient--'But you forget, Mary; you mentioned something concerning +me?' + +'Oh lord! yea; a mort o' questions a _bin_ asked; for she talks as +familiarity to me as if she _wur_ a poor body herself; which gives me +heart, so that I be not _afeard_ to speak. Whereof I could not help +telling her a great many things about you; as how, when little more +but a child, you saved my life; and _consarning_ your goodness and +kind offers to my dear mistress; and how soft hearted and well spoken +you _wur_ even to poor me; just for all the world as I said, like her +own dear good self. Whereupon it gladdened her heart to hear there +_wur_ another good creature, as good as herself. And so she asked +_ater_ your name; which, you know that being no secret, I told her, +and then it _wur_, if you had but a seen her! Her face _wur_ as pale +as my kerchief! and I asked what ailed her ladyship? And she replied +in a faint voice, Nothing. So that I thought there must for _sartinly_ +be a _summut_ between you! for she sat down, and seemed to do so! as +if a struggling for breath. And I ran for a smelling bottle; whereupon +she _wur_ better, and said she did not need it. And so she asked how +long you had lived in the house, and whether you looked happy? And I +answered and said there _wur_ not a kinder happier creature breathing. +So she asked again if I _wur_ quite sure that you _wur_ happy? And I +said I _wur mortally sartin_ of it. So then she fetched a deep sigh +from the very bottom of her heart, and said she _wur_ glad of it, very +glad of it indeed. For, said she, my good Mary, for she often calls me +good, which I be very sure is her kindness and not my _desarts_, my +good Mary, said she, I don't wonder that you do love Mr. Trevor for +having a saved your life. He once saved my life; which, says she, I +shall remember the longest day I have to breathe: and--' + +'It is she!' exclaimed I; for I could hold no longer. 'It is Olivia! +Benevolent angel! And does she deign to think of me? Does she inquire +after me? Am I still in her thoughts?' + +'Anan!' said Mary. 'I hope I a betrayed no secrets? For surely, I ha' +not mentioned a word of her name.' + +Just as I was continuing to question Mary farther, Miss Wilmot +returned. I earnestly requested she would come into my apartment, +related the discovery I had made, and spoke with all that enthusiasm +which the revival of hope and the ardour of passion could inspire. +Miss Wilmot sympathized with my feelings; and, with a fervour that +spoke the kindness of her heart, hoped she should one day see a pair +so worthy of each other blessed to the full accomplishment of their +wishes; but she confessed she had her fears, for she thought that the +remark, that lovers best calculated to make each other happy were +seldom united, was but too true. + +I prevailed on her to take tea with me; Mary waited, and I put a +thousand questions to her; for my conversation was all on this +subject. I could think of nothing else. O how pure was the delight +of this discovery! That Olivia should quit the scenes of tumultuous +joy, and seek the forlorn and unfortunate, purposely to mitigate +their wants, and administer consolation to their woes, was knowledge +inexpressibly sweet to the soul! And that she should still remember +me! that my very name should raise such commotions in her bosom! that +she should delight to hear my praise, and recollect the fortunate +moment when I bore her from death with such affection!--It was rapture +unspeakable! + +I learned from Mary that she lived with her aunt, a few streets +distant; and Miss Wilmot informed me that she constantly visited her +twice, and sometimes oftener, each week. How did my bosom burn with +the wish that she might return that very evening, or at least the next +day! In the impatience and ecstacy of hope, I forgot all impediments. +Let me but see her; let me but know that she was in the house, and +I supposed the moment of perfect bliss would then be come. Happy +evening! Never did seductive fancy paint more delicious dreams, or +raise up phantoms more flattering to the heart. + +Pains and pleasures dance an eternal round. The very next day brought +sensations of an opposite kind. My mother had found no person of whom +to purchase an annuity in the country; for, the money being her own by +my free gift, she had not thought proper to venture it with Thornby; +lest under the pretext of monies advanced, he should make she knew +not what deduction. She had therefore written to me, soon after I +came to London, to find her a purchaser; and after some delay, which +the necessity of consulting persons better informed than myself had +occasioned, I had advertised the week before and had entered into a +negotiation. + +Terms were agreed upon, and the rough copy of a deed for that purpose +was brought me the same morning that the following letter arrived. + +'SIR, + +'In spite of my caution, your mother has played the fool once more. +She was too suspicious to trust the money in my hands, though I warned +her to beware of accidents. I must say she is a very weak woman. Her +husband, Mr. Wakefield, has made his appearance, and has trumped up +some tale or another to impose upon her, which I am sorry to find is +no difficult thing. He has got the money you gave her; so what is to +become of her I do not know. She expects he will fetch her away within +a month, and keep her like a lady, on the profits of some place at +court, which, according to his account, a friend was to procure for +him if he could but raise five hundred pounds. You may think how +likely he is to keep his promise. I told her my mind in plain terms, +and I believe she begins to be in a panic. She dare not write to you, +on which I thought it best to let you know the truth at once; for, as +I said before, what is to become of her I do not know. + +I am, &c. + +NABAL THORNBY.' + +The train of ideas which the strange contents of this epistle excited +was painful in the extreme. The idiot conduct of my mother tempted +me to curse, not her indeed, but, according to the narrow limits of +prejudice, God and her excepted, all things else! Yet, who but she was +the chief actor in this scene of lunatic folly? Was there a woman on +earth beside herself that would have been so grossly gulled? + +As for her husband, the bitterness of gall was not so choaking as the +recollection of him. The sight or sound of his name excited disgust +too intense to be dwelt upon! To suffocate him as a monster, or a +sooterkin, seemed the only punishment of which he was worthy. + +And here it is necessary I should inform the reader of a secret, of +which I was myself at that time and long continued to remain utterly +ignorant. Belmont, the man who had purposely thrown himself in my way, +industriously made himself my intimate, informed me as I supposed of +his private affairs and motives of action, inquired minutely into +mine, wormed every intelligence I could give that related to myself +out of me, designedly attached me to him by intellectual efforts of +no mean or common kind (for he saw they delighted me, and they were +familiar to him) Belmont, I say, possessed of a pleasing person, a +winning aspect, and an address that, though studied with the deepest +art, appeared to be open, unpremeditated, and too daring for disguise, +this Belmont was no other than the hated Wakefield! Yes, it was +Wakefield himself, that by a stratagem which drove me half mad, while +it made every drop of blood in his body tingle with triumph, had thus +circumvented me! He it was who borrowed the ten guineas from me, by +the aid of which he robbed me of five hundred; and then returned to +observe how I endured the goad, laugh at my restive antics, and revel +in the plunder which he had purloined with so much facility from +foolish Trevor, and his still more foolish mother! + +But this was not the only trick he had to play me. Secure in the +resources of an invention that might have been occupied in pursuits +worthy of his powers, his perverted philosophy taught him to employ +these resources only for the gratification of passions which he +thought it folly to control, and to exult over men whose sordid +selfishness he despised, and whose limited cunning was the subject of +his derision. He professed himself the disciple of La Rochefoucault +and Mandeville, and his practice did not belie his principles. + +From the tenor of his discourse, I am persuaded that, had he found me +apt at adopting his maxims, he would have unbosomed himself freely, +have initiated me in his own arts, and, by making me the associate of +his projects, have induced me to look back on the past rather with +merriment than anger. As it was, he reserved himself to act with me as +with the rest of mankind; to watch circumstances, and turn them to his +own purposes whenever opportunity should offer. + +This was the man who was the hero of the letter I had just received! +A letter that I could neither read nor recollect without being stung +almost to frenzy; yet that I could neither forget nor forbear to +peruse! + +During two hours I traversed my room, and chafed with something like +bursting anguish. A few weeks ago, when I had received my legacy of +the lawyer, I seemed to be encumbered with wealth. Reflection and the +expence at which I now lived, to the visible and quick consumption +of a sum I then thought so ample, had since taught me that I was in +imminent danger of being reduced to beggary. I had no profession, nor +any means of subsistence till a profession could be secured; at least +no adequate means, unless by retiring to some humble garret, and +confining myself to the society of the illiterate, the boorish, and +the brutal, between whose habits and mine there was no congeniality. +The very day before, Olivia, ecstatic vision, had risen in full view +of my delighted hopes, and, forgetting the tormenting distance which +malignant fate had placed between us, I almost thought her mine. The +recollection of her now was misery. + +Restless, desponding, agonizing, when this thought occurred, I was +hastening to go and communicate the accursed news to Miss Wilmot; but +an idea started which, after a moment's reflection, induced me to +desist. If I told her, the story of Wakefield must again be revived. +Olivia too might be informed of circumstances concerning my silly +mother, which, selfishness out of the question, motives of delicacy +ought to conceal. Such were my arguments at that time: I had not then +the same moral aversion to secrecy that I now possess. + +I could not however any longer endure the present scene, and to get +rid of it hurried away to the billiard table, where, as usual, I found +the then supposed Belmont. He was not himself at play, but was engaged +in betting. Impatient to unburthen my heart, for as far as my own +affairs were concerned I had now no secrets for him, I hurried him out +of the room immediately that the game was ended. + +The moment we came into the park, I shewed him my letter, and desired +him to read. While he perused it, I saw he was more than once +violently tempted to laugh. + +'Well!' said he, returning it and restraining his titillation, 'is +this all?' + +'All!' answered I. 'What more would you have? Could the maleficent +devil himself do more to drive a man mad?' + +He looked in my face! I returned the inquisitive gaze! I saw emotions +the very reverse of mine struggling to get vent. His opposing efforts +were ineffectual; he could contain himself no longer, and burst into a +violent fit of laughter! + +Astonished at mirth so ill placed and offensive, I asked what it +meant? The tone of my interrogatory was rouzing, and recalled his +attention. 'Pshaw! Trevor,' replied he, with a glance of half +contemptuous pity, 'you are yet young: you are but at the beginning +of your troubles. Your over weening fondness for the musty morality +of dreaming dotards, or artful knaves who only made rules that they +might profit by breaking them, will be your ruin. I tell you again and +again, if you do not prey upon the world, the world will prey upon +you. There is no alternative. What! be bubbled out of your fortune by +a whining old woman? I am ashamed of you!' + +'But that woman is my mother!' + +'Yes! and a set of very pretty motherly tricks she has played you! Not +that in the first instance it was so much your fault, who were but a +boy, as that of your old fool of a grandfather. It is now high time +however that you should become a man.' + +'My grandfather? Say rather it was the scoundrel Wakefield!' + +'You seem very angry with this Wakefield! And why? He appears to me +to be a fellow of plot, wit, and spirit. Instead of resentment, were +I you, I should be glad to become acquainted with the man who so well +perceives the stupidity and folly of the animals around him, laughs at +their apish antics, and with so much facility turns their absurd whims +to his own advantage.' + +'Acquainted! Intuitive rascal! I would cut off his ears! Drag him to +the pillory with my own hands! He is unworthy a nobler revenge.' + +'Pshaw! Ridiculous! What did your mother want but the gratification +of her paltry passions? which were but the dregs and lees of goatish +inclination; for with her the pervading headlong torrent of desire was +passed. Did she think of morality? She would have sacrificed the youth +and high spirits of Wakefield to her own salacious doating. Why should +not he too have his wishes? Were his the most criminal; or the least +fitted for the faculties of enjoyment?' + +'You have not heard me defend my mother's conduct: but his villany to +the young lady I formerly mentioned [meaning Miss Wilmot] deserves the +execration of every man!' + +'That is, as she tells the story. Women, poor simple creatures, are +always to be pitied, never blamed! But a little more experience, +Trevor, will tell you the devil himself is not half so cunning! Men +are universally their dupes; nay their slaves, though called their +tyrants. Do not men consume their lives in toils to please them? Who +are the chief instigators to what you call vice and folly? Who are the +mischief makers of the world? Who incite us to plunder, rob, and cut +each other's throats? Who but woman? And is not a little retaliation +to be expected? Poor dear souls! Cunning as serpents, Trevor; but, +though fond of cooing, not harmless as doves. Crocodiles; that only +weep to catch their prey. I once was told of one that died broken +hearted; a great beauty, and much bewept by all the maudlin moralizers +that knew her. The cause of her grief was a handsome fellow, who of +course was a cruel perjured villain. The tale had great pathos, and +would have been very tragical, had it but been true. Ages before that +in which Jove laughed at them, lover's perjuries were the common topic +of scandal, and so continue to be. I have often been reproached in the +same way myself, and I once took the trouble to write an apology; for +which, as it will suit all true lovers, all true lovers are bound to +thank me. Here it is.' + + I + + Men's vows are false, Annette, I own: + The proofs are but too flagrant grown. + To Love I vow'd eternal scorn; + I saw thee and was straight forsworn! + + II + + In jealous rage, renouncing bliss, + When Damon stole a rapturous kiss, + I took, with oaths, a long farewell; + How false they were thou best can'st tell. + + III + + By saints I vow'd, and pow'rs divine, + No love could ever equal mine! + Yet I myself, though thus I swore, + Have daily lov'd thee more and more! + + IV + + To perjuries thus I hourly swerve; + Then treat them as they well deserve: + Thy own vows break, at length comply, + And be as deep in guilt as I. + +'What think you; was not this a valid plea? Are not women apt to take +the advice here given them? Lovely hypocrites! They delight in being +forced to follow their own inclinations!' + +There was no resisting the playfulness of his wit, and the +exhilarating whim of his manner. My ill humour soon evaporated; +and yielding to the sympathetic gaiety he had inspired, I said to +him--'You are a wicked wit, Belmont. But, though I laugh, do not +imagine I am a convert to your mandevilian system: it is false, +pernicious, and destructive of the end which it pretends to secure.' + +'Do not abuse my system, or me either', replied he. 'I tell you I am +the only honest man of my acquaintance; and the first effort of my +honesty is, as it ought to be, that of being honest to myself.' + +'I hear many men profess the same opinions, but I find them acting on +different principles.' + +'You mistake. You are young, I tell you. Every man's actions are +strongly tinged by the principles he professes.' + +My countenance became a little more serious--'Surely you do not avow +yourself a rascal?' + +'Pshaw! Epithets are odious. I do not know the meaning of the word; +nor do you.' + +Our conversation continued; it relieved me from a bitterness of +chagrin from which I was happy to escape. We dined together. His flow +of spirits and raillery were unabating; I combated his opinions, he +laughed at my arguments, rather than answered them, and, though I +even then conceived him to be a very bad moralist, I thought him a +delightful companion. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +_Revenge not forgotten: The visit delayed: Wilmot and his poetical +powers: Dreadful intelligence: An appalling picture: A fruitless +search; followed by a surprising discovery_ + + +Stimulated by the ridicule of Belmont, though I never had a thought +of abandoning my mother to want, still I determined, according to the +proverb, to let her bite the bridle. Instead of writing, therefore, I +waited till she should write to me. + +Mean time my pamphlet was the grand object of present pursuit. When I +began it, I imagined it would scarcely have been the work of a day, +certainly not of a week. I was deceived. To a man who has any sense of +justice, who fears to affirm the thing that is not, yet is determined +to be inexorable in revenge, no task is so harrassing as that which I +had undertaken. Page after page was written, re-written, corrected, +interlined, scratched, blotted and thrown in the fire. The work had +been three times finished, and three times destroyed. It was a fourth +time begun, and still the labour was no less oppressive, irritating, +and thorny. + +It was in this state at the time that Mary brought me the joyful +intelligence relating to Olivia. I had watched with unremitting +assiduity during those hours of the day when she had been accustomed +to visit Miss Wilmot; but my watchings were fruitless; she came no +more. + +The fourth day after her last visit, she sent a note to Miss Wilmot, +informing her that her aunt was going to Bath for the recovery of her +health, to which place it was necessary that she should attend her. +The blow was violent, and would have been felt more violently even +than it was, had it not been for an event which I must now relate. + +The alarms of Miss Wilmot concerning her brother had not been lightly +excited: they might rather be called prophetic. She had indeed +strongly communicated her terror to me. One morning I was meditating +on the subject, and recollecting those early days when gathering the +first fruits of genius, I was taught by him to distinguish and enjoy +the beauties of its emanations, and the sublimity of its flights. His +affection for me, though but a boy, had induced him to give me some +short poetical compositions of his own. I was reading them over, with +strong feelings, partly of sorrow and partly of indignation, at the +folly and injustice of a world that could overlook such merit. One +of them in particular, which I had always admired for the simple +yet pathetic spirit of poetry in which it was written, I was then +perusing. It was the following. + + I + + Ho! Why dost thou shiver and shake, + Gaffer-Gray! + And why doth thy nose look so blue? + ''Tis the weather that's cold; + 'Tis I'm grown very old, + And my doublet is not very new, + Well-a-day!' + + II + + Then line thy worn doublet with ale, + Gaffer-Gray; + And warm thy old heart with a glass. + 'Nay but credit I've none; + And my money's all gone; + Then say how may that come to pass? + Well-a-day!' + + III + + Hie away to the house on the brow, + Gaffer-Gray; + And knock at the jolly priest's door. + 'The priest often preaches + Against worldly riches; + But ne'er gives a mite to the poor, + Well-a-day!' + + IV + + The lawyer lives under the hill, + Gaffer-Gray; + Warmly fenc'd both in back and in front. + 'He will fasten his locks, + And will threaten the stocks, + Should he ever more find me in want, + Well-a-day!' + + V + + The squire has fat beeves and brown ale, + Gaffer-Gray; + And the season will welcome you there. + 'His fat beeves and his beer, + And his merry new year + Are all for the flush and the fair, + Well-a-day!' + + VI + + My keg is but low I confess, + Gaffer-Gray; + What then? While it lasts man we'll live. + The poor man alone, + When he hears the poor moan, + Of his morsel a morsel will give, + Well-a-day! + +In that precise state of mind which associations such as I have +described, and a poem like this could excite, when I was alike +bewailing the madness and turpitude of mankind, that could be blind to +the worth of a man such as Wilmot, while glowing I say and thrilling +with these sensations, my breakfast was brought and with it a paper--! +What shall I say?--It contained what follows! 'Yesterday a middle +aged man, of a genteel and orderly appearance, was seen to walk +despondingly beside the Serpentine river. A gentleman, who having met +him remarked the agitation of his countenance, suspected his design; +and, concealing himself behind some trees at a little distance, +watched him, and at last saw him throw himself into the water. The +gentleman, who was a good swimmer, jumped in after him; but could +not immediately find the body, which after he had brought it out was +conveyed to Mary-le-bone watch-house. A few shillings were found in +his pocket, but nothing to indicate his name, place of abode, or +other information, except a written paper, containing the following +melancholy account of himself. + +'This body, if ever this body should be found, was once a thing which, +by way of reproach among men, was called an author. It moved about +the earth, despised and unnoticed; and died indigent and unlamented. +It could hear, see, feel, smell and taste with as much quickness, +delicacy, and force as other bodies. It had desires and passions like +other bodies, but was denied the use of them by such as had the power +and the will to engross the good things of this world to themselves. +The doors of the great were shut upon it; not because it was infected +with disease or contaminated with infamy, but on account of the +fashion of the garments with which it was cloathed, and the name it +derived from its fore-fathers; and because it had not the habit of +bending its knee where its heart owed no respect, nor the power of +moving its tongue to gloze the crimes or flatter the follies of men. +It was excluded the fellowship of such as heap up gold and silver; +not because it did, but for fear it might, ask a small portion of +their beloved wealth. It shrunk with pain and pity from the haunts of +ignorance which the knowledge it possessed could not enlighten, and +guilt that its sensations were obliged to abhor. There was but one +class of men with whom it was permitted to associate, and those were +such as had feelings and misfortunes like its own; among whom it was +its hard fate frequently to suffer imposition, from assumed worth +and fictitious distress. Beings of supposed benevolence, capable of +perceiving, loving, and promoting merit and virtue, have now and then +seemed to flit and glide before it. But the visions were deceitful. +Ere they were distinctly seen, the phantoms vanished. Or, if such +beings do exist, it has experienced the peculiar hardship of never +having met with any, in whom both the purpose and the power were fully +united. Therefore, with hands wearied with labour, eyes dim with +watchfulness, veins but half nourished, and a mind at length subdued +by intense study and a reiteration of unaccomplished hopes, it was +driven by irresistible impulse to end at once such a complication +of evils. The knowledge was imposed upon it that, amid all +these calamities, it had one consolation--Its miseries were not +eternal--That itself had the power to end them. This power it has +employed, because it found itself incapable of supporting any longer +the wretchedness of its own situation, and the blindness and injustice +of mankind: and as, while it lived, it lived scorned and neglected, so +it now commits itself to the waves; in expectation, after it is dead, +of being mangled, belied, and insulted.' + +Oh God! what were my feelings while reading this heart appalling +story! It contained volumes; and sufficiently spoke the strength of +the mind that could thus picture its own sensations. It must be my +beloved Wilmot: it could be no one else; or even if it were, the man +who thus could feel and thus could write was no less the object of +admiration, grief, and a species of regret, of the guilt of which +every man partook! It was an act of attainder against the whole world, +in the infamy of which each man had his share! + +Transfixed with horror as I was, I still had the recollection to +conceal the paper from the eye of Miss Wilmot, and that instant to go +in quest of the body. The utmost speed and diligence were necessary; +she must soon hear of the fatal event, and it was much to be dreaded +that this would not be the last act of the tragedy. + +According to the indication given in the paper, I went immediately +to the watch-house; but was surprised to find that the body was not +there. They had heard something of a man throwing himself into the +Serpentine river, but could give no farther information. + +I then ran to every bone-house and receptacle in the various adjoining +parishes; but without success. The only intelligence I could obtain +was that the gentleman, who leaped in after the man in order to have +saved his life, had taken the body home with him; but no one could +direct me where he lived. + +The circumstance was distracting! My terrors for Miss Wilmot +increased. I knew not what course to pursue. At last I recollected +that Turl, from having lived some years in London being acquainted +with the manners of the place and possessing great sagacity, might +perhaps afford me aid. Personal knowledge of Wilmot he probably had +none, for he quitted the grammar school at *** just before Wilmot +became its head usher. But I knew not what better to do, and to this, +as a kind of last hope, I resorted, and hastened away to his lodgings. + +It may well be supposed my tone of mind was gloomy. For a man like +Wilmot, with virtues so eminent, sensations so acute, and a mind so +elevated, to be thus impelled to seek a refuge in death was a thought +that almost made me hate existence myself, and doubt whether I might +not hereafter be driven to the same desperate expedient, to escape the +odious injustice of mankind. The distraction too which would seize +on Miss Wilmot haunted my thoughts; for I was convinced that the +intelligence, whenever it should reach her, would prove fatal. + +Full of these dismal reflections, I arrived at the door of Turl, +knocked, and was desired to come in. Turl rose as I entered, and with +him a stranger, who had been seated by his side. A stranger, and yet +with features that were not wholly unknown to me. He seemed surprised +at the sight of me, examined me, fixed his eyes on me! Memory was very +busy! Associating ideas poured upon me! I gazed! I remembered! Heavens +and earth! What was my astonishment, what were my transports, when +in this very stranger I discovered Mr. Wilmot? Living! Pale, meagre, +dejected, and much altered; but living! + +Turl was the gentleman in the park, who had observed the deep +melancholy visible in his countenance; had fortunately suspected +his intention; had brought him out of the water; had discovered +favourable symptoms; and, instead of either taking him home or to +the watch-house, had conveyed him to St. George's hospital; where he +immediately obtained medical aid, that had preserved his life! Turl +was the person whose courage, humanity, and wisdom, had prolonged +the existence of a man of genius; and who was now exerting all his +faculties to render that existence happy to the possessor, and +beneficial to the human race! Oh moment of inconceivable rapture! Why +are not sensations so exquisite eternal? + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +_I secure Miss Wilmot against the danger of false alarm, and return to +hear the history of her brother_ + + +Eager as I was to contribute all in my power to tranquilize the mind +of Mr. Wilmot, to renew my friendship with him, and to learn his +history from himself, I yet made but a short stay, and hastened home +to his sister. Fortunately the tragic tale had not reached her; and, +without relating circumstances that if abruptly told might have +excited alarm, I informed her that I had that moment parted from him, +and that now I had found him I should use my utmost endeavour to +reconcile him to her once more. + +To hear that he was still in being gave an undescribable relief to her +mind. It beamed in her countenance, and called up thoughts that soon +made her burst into tears. + +Having by this information, secured her against the ill effects which +might otherwise have followed, I escaped further question from her for +the present, by truly telling her I was impatient to return to her +brother. + +I found the two friends still conversing for friends and sincere ones +they were become. The account given by Wilmot of himself had been +taken and sent to the newspaper, without the knowledge of Turl; but he +had read it, and it was a sufficient index of the mind of the writer: +and the behaviour of Turl through the whole affair, as well as the +sentiments he uttered in every breath, were enough to convince Mr. +Wilmot of his uncommon worth. + +On my return, the latter was defending the right of man to commit +suicide; which Turl denied; not on the false and untenable ground of +superstition, but from the only true argument, the immoral tendency of +the act. He was delicate though decisive in his opposition; and only +requested Mr. Wilmot to consider, whether to effect the good of the +whole be not the true purpose of virtue? Ought not the good of the +whole therefore to be its only rule and guide? If so, can the man, +who possesses that degree of activity without which he cannot commit +suicide, be incapable of being farther useful to society? + +Depressed and gloomy as his state of mind was, Mr. Wilmot testified +great satisfaction at our rencontre; and the interest which I +unfeignedly took in his welfare soon revived all his former affection +for me. My veneration for his virtues, love for his genius, and pity +for his misfortunes, tended to calm his still fluttering and agitated +spirits. Unfortunate as he himself had been, or at least had thought +himself, in his love of literature and poetry, it yet gave him +pleasure to find that the same passion was far from having abated +in me. He called it a bewitching illusion; Turl affirmed it was a +beneficial and noble propensity of soul. + +We none of us had a wish to separate, for the imagination of each was +teeming with that sedate yet full flow of sentiment which, as Milton +has so beautifully described, melancholy can give. Mr. Wilmot had +supposed his sister was guilty with the bishop; and when I told her +story, with the addition of such probable circumstances as I myself +had collected, it afforded him very considerable relief to find that +the suspicions to which appearances gave birth had been false. + +I did not conceal the desire I had to know by what train of accidents +he had been led into a state of such deep despondency; and he thus +kindly gratified my wish. + + +HISTORY OF MR. WILMOT + +'The narrative given by my sister, which you, Mr. Trevor, have already +repeated, precludes the necessity of any detail concerning my origin. +Nor is origin in my opinion of the least moment, except as it displays +the habits and growth of mind, and shews how the man became such +as we find him to be. At what period of my existence that activity +of inquiry, and those energetic aspirings began, which to me were +afterward the source of the extremes of joy and sorrow, I cannot tell; +but I believe the quality of ardour, though probably not born with us, +is either awakened in early infancy or seldom if ever attains strength +and maturity. I could not only read with uncommon accuracy and ease, +while very young, but can remember I made efforts to reason with my +father, the major, on what I read, when I was little more than six +years old. + +'He, though a man rather of irritable feelings than profound research, +was not destitute of literature; and encouraged a propensity in me +that was flattering to himself, as the father of a boy remarked +for his promising talents; which talents he supposed might lead to +distinctions that he had been unsuccessfully ambitious to obtain. + +'He considered himself as one of the most unfortunate of men. +Imagining personal bravery to be the essence of the military +character, he had eagerly cherished that quality; and, having given +incontestible proofs that he possessed it in an eminent degree, to be +afterward overlooked was, in his judgment, too flagrant an instance of +public as well as private ingratitude to be ever pardoned. It was the +daily subject of his thoughts, and theme of his discourse; and I have +great reason to conjecture that the habitual discontent that preyed +upon his mind, and embittered his life, especially the latter part of +it, communicated itself to me. I was educated in the belief that the +world is blind to merit, continually suffers superior virtue to linger +in indigence and neglect, and is therefore an odious, unjust, and +despicable world. + +'I own I have at some few intervals doubted of this doctrine; and +supposed in conformity to your opinion, Mr. Turl, that failure is +rather the consequence of our own mistakes, impatience, and efforts +ill directed, than of society: but the ill success of my own efforts, +aided perhaps by the prejudices which I received from my father, +have preponderated; and made me it may be too frequently incline to +melancholy, and misanthropy. What can be said? Are not the rich and +powerful continually oppressing talents, genius, and virtue? Is the +general sense of mankind just in its decisions? + +'Beside, an appeal to the general sense of mankind is not always +in our power; and that the proceedings of individuals are often +flagrantly unjust cannot be denied. In the school where I was educated +I was a frequent and painful witness of honours partially bestowed; +and prizes and applause awarded to others, that were indubitably due +to me. When the rich and the powerful visited the seminary, the sons +of the rich and the powerful gained all their attention. Conscious as +I could not but be of my own superior claims, I was overlooked! + +'Perhaps I felt the repetition of these and similar acts of injustice +too severely. Yet, are they not odious? I own the remembrance of them +ever has been, and is, intensely painful; and the pain is almost +unremittingly prolonged by what every man, who is not wilfully blind, +must daily see passing in the world. [Mr. Wilmot sighed deeply] Well +well! Would I could forget it! + +'After many a bitter struggle in my boyish years to rise into notice, +few, very few indeed, of which were effectual, I still continued the +combat. In due time, as I was told, my efforts were amply rewarded! +But how? Instead of being forwarded in those more noble and beneficial +pursuits for which I think I had proved myself fitted, the effusions +of genius though known were never once remembered. Oh, no! I obtained, +with great difficulty and as an unmerited favour a charitable +condescension of power that knew not very well if it ought to be so +kind to a being so unprotected, yes, I obtained--the office of usher! +The honour of mechanically hearing declensions, conjugations, and +rules of syntax and prosody, repeated by beings who detested the +labour to which they were compelled, was conferred upon me! beings who +looked on me, not as a benefactor, but as a tyrant! And tyrants all +teachers indubitably are, under our present modes of education. + +'Humbled and cowed as my genius was, by the drudgery and obscurity +to which it was consigned, I yet had the courage to continue those +labours by which alone mind is brought to maturity. Alive as I was to +a sense of injustice, I recollected that, even if my powers were equal +to all that I myself had fondly hoped from them, there were examples +of men with at least equal powers, who had been equally ill treated. +Equally did I say? Oh Otway! Oh Chatterton! What understandings, what +hearts, had those men who without an effort, without moving a finger +(not to do you justice, of that they were incapable, but) to preserve +you from famine, could suffer you to perish? It was needless to +repine! I consoled and reconciled myself to my fate as well as I was +able. I pursued my studies, read the poets of ancient and modern times +with unabating avidity, observed the actions and inquired into the +motives of men, and made unceasing attempts to develope the human +heart. + +'Excluded as it were by the pride, luxury, and caprice of the world +from expanding my sensations, and wedding my soul to society, I was +constrained to bestow the strong affections that glowed consciously +within me upon a few. My mother and sister had a large share of them. +To skreen them from the indigence, obscurity, and neglect, to which +without my aid they must be doomed, was a hope that encouraged me in +the bold project I had conceived. + +'I determined to dedicate myself to literature, poetry, and +particularly to the stage. Essays of the dramatic kind indeed had been +made by me very early. At length, I undertook a tragedy; as a work +which, if accomplished with the degree of perfection that I hoped it +would be, must at once establish my true rank in society, relieve the +wants of my family, and be a passport for me to every man of worth +and understanding in the world. How little did I know the world! Fond +fool! Over credulous idiot! What cares the world for the toils and +struggles, the restless days and sleepless nights of the man of +genius! I am ashamed to think I could be so miserably mistaken! + +'The ardour with which I began my work, the deep consideration I gave +to every character, the strong emotions I felt while composing it, +the minute attention I paid to all its parts, and the intense labour +I bestowed in planning, writing, correcting, and completing it, were +such as I believed must insure success. + +'Surely mankind can be but little aware of the uncommon anxieties, +pains, and talents that must contribute to the production of such +a work; or their reception of it, when completed, would be very +different! They would not suffer, surely they would not, as they so +frequently do, this or that senseless blockhead to frustrate the +labour of years, blast the poet's hopes, and render the birth of +genius abortive! + +'My tragedy at length was written; and by some small number, whose +judgment I consulted, was approved: never indeed with that enthusiasm +which I, perhaps the overweening author, imagined it must have +excited; but it was approved. "I was a young man of some merit; it +was more than they had expected." Nay, I have met with some liberal +critics, who have appeared modestly to doubt whether they themselves +should have written better! + +'Before I made the experiment, I had supposed that every man, whose +wealth or power gave him influence in society, would start up, the +moment it was known that an obscure individual, the usher of a school, +had written a tragedy; not only to protect and produce it to the +world, but to applaud and honour the author! Would secure him from +the possibility of want, load him with every token of respect, +and affectionately clasp him to their bosom! The indifference and +foolish half-faced kind of wonder, as destitute of feeling as of +understanding, with which it was received, by the persons on whom I +had depended for approbation and support, did more than astonish me; +it pained, disgusted, and jaundiced my mind! + +'The only consolation I could procure was in supposing that the +inhabitants of the city were I resided, were deficient in literary +taste; and that at a more polished place, where knowledge, literature, +and poetry were more diffused, I should meet a very different +reception. Experience only can cure the unhackneyed mind of its +erroneous estimates! + +'London however and its far famed theatres were the objects at which +my ambition long had aimed; and thither after various doubts and +difficulties it was decreed I should go. The profits of my place I had +dedicated to the relief of my family, and my mother's great fear was +that, going up to London so ill provided, I should perish there for +want. Of this I was persuaded there could be no danger, and at length +prevailed. + +'The danger however was not quite so imaginary as I in the fervour of +hope had affirmed it to be. The plan I proposed was to get another +usher's place, in or near town, till I could bring my piece upon the +stage. This I attempted, and made various applications, which all +failed; some because, though I understood Greek, I could not teach +merchant's accounts, or spoil paper by flourishes and foppery, which +is called writing a fine hand; and others because, as I suppose, +persons offered themselves whose airs, or humility, or other +usher-like qualifications, that had no relation to learning, pleased +their employers better than mine. + +'I soon grew weary of these degrading attempts and turned my +thoughts to a more attractive resource. While in the country, I had +frequently sent little fugitive pieces, to be inserted in periodical +publications; and now, on inquiry, I found there were people who were +paid for such productions. I made the experiment; and after a variety +of fruitless efforts succeeded in obtaining half a guinea a week +from an evening paper; which I supplied with essays, little poetical +pieces, and other articles, much faster than they chose to print them. + +'In the interim, the grand object for which I had left the country +was not neglected. It is a common mistake to imagine that, to get a +piece upon the stage, it is necessary to procure a patron, by whom it +shall be recommended. To this I was advised; and, in consequence of +this advice, wrote letters to three different persons, whose rank in +society I imagined would insure a reception at the theatre to the +piece which they should protect. I supposed that every such person, +who should hear of a poet who had written a tragedy, would rejoice in +the opportunity of affording him aid, and instantly stand forth his +patron. + +'In this spirit I wrote my three letters; and received no answer to +any one of them! Amazed at this, I went to the houses of the great +people I had addressed; but my face was unknown! Not one of them was +at home! I could gain no admission! When now and then suffered to wait +in the hall, I saw dancing-masters, buffoons, gamblers, beings of +every species that could mislead the head and corrupt the heart, come +and go without ceremony; but to a poet all entrance was denied; for +such chosen society he was unfit. The very rabble, with which these +pillared lounging places swarm, looked on him with a suspicious and +half contemptuous eye; that insolently inquired what business had he +there? Were the slaves and menials of Mæcenas such? Was it thus at the +Augustan court; when the lord of the conquered world sat banqueting +with Virgil on his right hand and Horace on his left? + +'Why did I read and remember stories so seductive? Why did I foolishly +place all my happiness in the approbation of the great vulgar or +the small; forgetting that approbation neither adds to virtue nor +diminishes? Perhaps, and indeed I fear, my mind was warped. Yet surely +the neglect and even odium in which the unobtruding man of genius is +at present overwhelmed, is a damning accusation against the rich and +titled great. + +'It was long however before I entirely disdained these abject and +fruitless efforts. On one occasion I was fortunate enough, as I +absurdly thought, to get introduced to a Marquis. It was an awful +honour, to which I was unused; and instead of addressing him with the +frothy and impertinent levity which characterized his own manners, +and which he encouraged in the creatures that were admitted to his +familiarity, I stood confounded, expecting he should have read my +play, which I had transcribed for his perusal, have understood the +value of the poet who could write it, and have been anxious to relieve +that acuteness of sensibility which overclouded and hid the man of +genius in the timid, abashed, and too cowardly author. He spoke to me +indeed, nay condescended to repeat two or three of the newest literary +anecdotes that had been retailed to him from the blue-stocking-club, +and then civilly dismissed me to give audience to a Dutch +bird-fancier, who had brought him a piping bulfinch. But I saw him no +more, he was never afterward at home. I was one of a class of animals +that a Marquis never admits into his collection. My tragedy when +applied for by letter was returned; with "sorrow that indispensible +engagements had prevented him from reading it; but requested a copy as +soon as it should appear in print." For which, should such a strange +event have come to pass, I suppose I should have been insulted with +the gift perhaps of one guinea, perhaps of five. And thus a Marquis +discharged a duty which his rank and power so well enabled him to +perform! But, patience! The word poet shall be remembered with +everlasting honour, when the title Marquis shall--Pshaw! + +'On another occasion an actress, who, strange to tell, happened very +deservedly to be popular, and whom before she arrived at the dignity +of a London theatre I had known in the country, recommended me to a +dutchess. To this dutchess I went day after day; and day after day +was subjected for hours to the prying, unmannered, insolence of her +countless lacquies. This time she was not yet stirring, though it was +two o'clock in the afternoon; the next she was engaged with an Italian +vender of artificial flowers; the day after the prince and the devil +does not know who beside were with her; and so on, till patience and +spleen were at daggers drawn. + +'At last, from the hall I was introduced to the drawing-room, where I +was half amazed to find myself. Could it be real? Should I, after all, +see a creature so elevated; so unlike the poor compendium of flesh and +blood with which I crawled about the earth? Why, it was to be hoped +that I should! + +'Still she did not come; and I stood fixed, gazing at the objects +around me, longer perhaps than I can now well guess. The carpet was so +rich that I was afraid my shoes would disgrace it! The chairs were so +superb that I should insult them by sitting down! The sofas swelled +in such luxurious state that for an author to breathe upon them would +be contamination! I made the daring experiment of pressing with a +single finger upon the proud cushion, and the moment the pressure was +removed it rose again with elastic arrogance; an apt prototype of the +dignity it was meant to sustain.--Though alone, I blushed at my own +littleness! + +'Two or three times, the familiars of the mansion skipped and glided +by me; in at this door and out at that; seeing yet not noticing me. It +was well they did not, or I should have sunk with the dread of being +mistaken for a thief; that had gained a furtive entrance, to load +himself with some parcel of the magnificence that to poverty appeared +so tempting! + +'This time however I was not wholly disappointed: I had a sight of +the dutchess, or rather a glimpse. "Her carriage was waiting. She had +been so infinitely delayed by my lord and my lady, and his highness, +and Signora! Was exceedingly sorry! Would speak to me another time, +to-morrow at three o'clock, but had not a moment to spare at present", +and so vanished! + +'Shall I say she treated me proudly, and made me feel my +insignificance? No. The little that she did say was affable; the tone +was conciliating, the eye encouraging, and the countenance expressed +the habitual desire of conferring kindness. But these were only +aggravating circumstances, that shewed the desirableness of that +intercourse which to me was unattainable. I say to me, for those who +had a less delicate sense of propriety, who were more importunate, +more intruding, and whose forehead was proof against repulse, were +more successful. By such people she was besieged; on such she lavished +her favours, till report said that she impoverished herself; for a +tale of distress, whether feigned or real, if obtruded upon her, she +knew not how to resist. + +'What consolation was this to me? I was not of the begging tribe. I +came with a demand at sight upon the understanding, which whoever +refused to pay disgraced themselves rather than the drawer. + +'She mistook my character, and the next day at three o'clock, instead +of seeing me herself, sent me ten guineas in a note, by her French +maitre d'hotel; which chinked as they slided from side to side, and +proclaimed me a pauper! My heart almost burst with indignation! Yet, +coward that I was! I wanted the fortitude to refuse the polluted +paper! I thought it would be an affront, and still fed myself with the +vain hope of procuring from her that countenance to my own labours +which I imagined they deserved, and which therefore I did not think it +any disgrace to solicit. The disgrace of reducing men of merit to such +humiliating situations was not mine. + +'I went twice more; and was both times interrogated in French, by +the insolent maitre d'hotel, so as to convince me that he thought my +coming again so soon was a proof of no common degree of impudence. + +'Oh Euripides! Oh Sophocles! Did not your sublime shades glide +wrathful by and menace the wretch in whom your divine art had been so +degraded? How did I pray, as I passed the scowling porter, for the +death of your great predecessor; that some eagle would drop a tortoise +on my head, and instantly crush me to atoms! + +'I had been the more anxious after patronage, because I wished the +actress whom I have mentioned to play my heroine. There was no +tragedian whose powers were in the least comparable to hers. But +the difficulty of getting a piece on the stage, at the theatre to +which she belonged, all the town told me was incredible. It was a +chancery-suit, which no given time could terminate. The manager was +the most liberal of men, the best of judges, and the first of writers; +as void of envy as he was noble minded, and friendly to merit. Yes, +friendly in heart and act, when he could be prevailed on to act. But +his rare virtues and gifts were rendered useless, extinguished, by the +killing vice of procrastination. He never listened to a story that he +did not sympathize with the teller of it. The request must be a wild +one indeed which he did not feel an instant desire to grant. He would +promise with the most sincere and honest intentions to perform; but, +hurried away by new petitioners, or projects of a more grand and +important nature, he would with still greater facility forget. All who +knew him uniformly affirmed, a soul more expansive, more munificent, +could not inhabit a human form; yet, from this one defect, it was +frequently his fate where he intended an essential benefit to commit +an irreparable injury. He encouraged hopes that were never realized, +retarded the merit he meant to promote, and raised up personal enemies +who impeded his own utility; conspicuous and grand as this utility was +and is, it would otherwise have been unexampled. + +'I speak the sentiments of men who I believe were incapable of +exaggeration. For my own part I have read his works, and I love him +almost to adoring. + +'He is I know assaulted by an infinite number of affairs, that all +demand his attention. Many of them are totally beneath it, yet are +undertaken by him with a too ready compliance; averse as he is to give +the solicitor pain, and continually desirous to make every creature +happy. He can do but one thing at once. Of the multitude of things to +be done, not half are present to the memory at any one time; and, of +those that are remembered, what can he do but select the most urgent? +The mistake has often been rather in the too ready promise than in the +non-performance. If prevented by serious occupation, by love of the +chosen companions of his convivial hours, or by habits of forgetful +revery, from reading my tragedy and being just to me, I attribute +the neglect to its true cause; which certainly was not jealousy of, +or indifference to, the man of talents. How can he honour merit, +granting it to exist, with which he is unacquainted? Yet let me not be +misunderstood; though I love his comprehensive benevolence of soul, I +wish it were less undistinguishing:--I cannot applaud or approve the +errors into which it leads, both himself and those he means to serve. + +'In a word, I could find no mode of securing his attention. I +endeavoured to fix it by the intervention of the great; who delighted +in his social qualities, did homage to his wit, and were ambitious of +his friendship. But in these attempts I likewise failed. + +Hopeless therefore of aid from my favourite actress, I sent my play to +the other house. How was I relieved, after the delay I had endured +and the continual anxiety in which I had been kept, how delighted, +by hearing from the manager within a fortnight! He appointed an +interview, received me with affability, and immediately proceeded to +the business in question. + +He began with telling me, he could have wished I had rather turned +my thoughts to the comic than the tragic muse; for tragedy was less +fashionable, and consequently less profitable both to the house and +the author, than comedy or opera. I sighed and answered, it was an ill +proof of public taste, when it could receive greater pleasure from +the unconnected scenes of an opera than from the fable, pathos, and +sublime emotions of tragedy. But I feared the fault was less in the +audience than in the poet; and added that the first fortunate writer +who should produce a tragedy such as had been written, and such as +I hoped it was possible again to write, would find audiences not +insensible to his merit. + +'He replied, it may be so. I can only answer that each author +thinks himself the chosen bard you have described, and that each is +disappointed. I am pleased, Sir, continued he, with many parts of your +tragedy; but I think it has one great fault; it is too tragical: it +rather excites horror than terror. Whether the age be more refined or +more captious, more humanized or more effeminate than other ages have +been I will not pretend to determine; but you have written some scenes +that would not at present be endured. If you think proper to make such +alterations as shall soften and adapt them to the present taste, and +if I approve them when made, your piece shall then be performed. + +'I knew not what to reply. The scenes to which he referred were +conceived, as I had imagined, in the bold but true stile of tragedy. I +intended them to produce a great effect; and was sorry to be informed, +as among other things I had been, that ladies would faint, fall into +hysterics, and be taken shrieking out of the boxes at hearing them. I +had no remedy but to submit, re-consider, and, by lowering the tone of +passion, perhaps spoil my tragedy! + +'Oh what a tormenting trade is that of author! He that makes a chair, +a table, or any common utensil, brings his work home, is paid for his +labour, and there his trouble ends. It was quickly begun, and quickly +over; it excited little hope, but it met with no disappointment. The +author, on the contrary, has the labour of days, months, and years +to encounter. When he begins, his difficulties are immeasurable; and +while as he proceeds they seem to disappear, nay at the very moment +when he sometimes thinks them all conquered, he discovers that they +are but accumulated! Every part, every page, every period, have been +considered, and re-considered, with unremitting anxiety. He has +revised, re-written, corrected, expunged, again produced, and again +erased, with endless iteration. Points and commas themselves have been +settled with repeated and jealous solicitude. + +'At length, as he thinks, his labour is over! He knows indeed that no +work of man was ever perfect; but, circumstanced as he is, the eager +prying of his own sleepless eye cannot discover what more to amend. +He produces the tedious fruits of incessant fatigue to the world, and +hopes the harvest will be in proportion to the unwearied and extreme +care he has bestowed. Poor man! Mistaken mortal! How could he imagine +that the sensations of multitudes should all correspond with his own? +Educated in schools so various, under circumstances so contradictory +and prejudices so different and distinct, how could he suppose +his mind was the common measure of man? Faultless? Perfect? Vain +supposition! Extravagant hope! The driver of a mill-horse, he who +never had the wit to make much less to invent a mouse-trap, will +detect and point out his blunders. All satisfied? No; not one! Not a +man that reads but will detail, reprove, and ridicule his dull witted +errors. + +'Well! he finds he is mistaken, he pants after improvement, and +listens to advice. He follows it, alters, and again appears. What +is his success? Are cavilers less numerous? Absurd expectation! Do +critics unite in its praise? Ridiculous hope! If he would escape +censure, he must betake himself to a very different trade. + +'It was the month of February when my tragedy was returned. The +season was far advanced: I had then been nearly twelve months held in +suspence; seeking the means of appearing before the public, soliciting +patronage, and indulging hope. My mother and sister depended much on +my aid. Out of the small pittance which the newspaper essays afforded, +I at first made a proportionate deduction; and lived, that is +contrived to exist, on the remainder. + +'This could not long endure, and I sought other channels of emolument. +I wrote a novel, which I hawked about among the booksellers. Some of +them printed nothing in that way; others would venture to publish it, +and share the profits, but not advance a shilling. One of them offered +me five guineas for the two volumes, and told me it was a great price, +for he seldom gave more than three. + +'At last, I was fortunate enough to obtain double the sum. It was +printed; but, being written in haste and in a state of mind entirely +adverse to that fine flow which is the token, the test, and the +triumph of genius, its success was less than I expected. Still however +it more than answered the hopes of the bookseller; and I think I may +safely affirm, it had marks of mind sufficient to excite applause, +mingled with the censure of just criticism. + +'Did it obtain this applause? No--"A vulgar narrative of uninteresting +incidents"--was the laconic character given of it in that monthly +publication in which, from its reputed impartiality, I most hoped for +just and candid inquiry. + +'Finding what a terrible animal a critic is, I determined to become +one myself. I made the first essay of my talents for censure on such +books as I could borrow, and sent my remarks to the magazines; into +which they were immediately admitted. + +'Thus encouraged, I applied to the publisher of a new review, and +informed him of my course of reading, and of the languages and +sciences with which I was acquainted. My proposal was graciously +received, and I was admitted of that corps which has certainly done +much good, and much harm to literature. + +'I entered on my new office with great determination; but I soon +discovered that, to a man of principle, who dare neither condemn nor +approve a book he has not read, it was a very unproductive employment. +It is the custom of the trade to pay various kinds of literary labour +by the sheet, and this among the rest. Thus it frequently happened +that a book, which would demand a day to peruse, was not worthy of +five lines of animadversion. + +'This is the true source of feeble and false criticism; a task in +itself most difficult, and to which the chosen few alone are equal. +Deep investigation, scientific acquirement, an acute and comprehensive +mind, a correct and invigorating stile, and intelligence superior to +prejudice, and an undeviating conscientious spirit of rectitude, are +the rare endowments it requires. Its seat should be the summit of +mental attainment; for its office is to enlighten. It has to instruct +genius itself, and its powers should be equal to the hardy enterprise. +In fine, its object ought to be the love of truth; it is the lust of +gain. I need not expatiate on the consequences; they are self-evident. + +Poor as the trade is, I exercised it with the scrupulous assiduity +of which I knew it to be worthy. My labour therefore was as great as +my emoluments were trifling; and, though I made no progress toward +fame and fortune, my efforts were unremitting. I mention these +circumstances to shew that my failure, in my attempts to gain what I +believe to be my true rank in society, did not originate either in +indolence, want of oeconomy, or any other neglect of mine. Day or +night, I was scarcely ever without either a book or a pen in my hand. +With the most sedulous industry and caution I endeavoured to render +justice as well to the works of others as to my own. My uniform study +was to increase knowledge, diffuse good taste, and, as I fondly hoped, +promote the general pleasure and happiness of mankind. + +But, while I was anxiously caring for all, no one seemed to care for +me. I and my learning, taste and genius, if I possessed them, wandered +through the croud unnoticed; or noticed only to be scorned: insulted +by the vulgar, for the something in my manner which pretended to +distinguish me from themselves; and contemned by the proud and the +prosperous, because of the forlorn poverty of my appearance. Among +the fashionable and the fortunate, where I might have hoped to find +urbanity and the social polish of a civilized nation, I could gain +no admittance; for I had no title, kept no carriage, and was no +sycophant. The doors of the learned were shut upon me; for they were +doctors or dignitaries, in church, physic, or law. Of science they +were all satisfied they had enough: of profit, promotion, and the +other good things of which they were in full pursuit, I had none to +give. By my presence they would have been retarded, offended at the +freedom of my conversation, and by my friendship disgraced. They +sought other and far different associates. + +'Bowed to the earth as I was by this soul-killing injustice, and +wearied by these incessant toils, I still did not neglect my tragedy +for an hour. I considered and reconsidered the objections that had +been made. I was convinced they were ill founded: but I was not left +to the exercise of my own judgment. I had no alternative. To lower the +tone of passion was in my opinion to injure my tragedy; but it must +be done, or must not be performed. The manager urged arguments that +were and perhaps could not but be satisfactory, to any man in his +situation: his experience of public taste was long and confirmed: the +nightly expences of a theatre made it a most serious concern: the risk +of every new piece was great, for the town was capricious. To obtain +all possible security against risk, therefore, was a duty. + +'The reluctance with which alterations were made occasioned them to +be rather slow. At last however I finished them, as much to my own +satisfaction as could under such circumstances be expected; and a fair +copy, written as all the copies made of it were with my own hand, was +again sent to the manager. + +'A week longer than in the former instances elapsed, before I heard +from him; and, when I did hear, the substance of his letter was that +he had a new comedy in preparation; which, it being then the middle of +March, would entirely fill up the remainder of the season! + +'What could I do? No blame was imputable to him for the delay. It was +no fault of his that I was pursued by the malice of poverty; that I +was tormented with the desire of effectually relieving the necessities +of my family; that I had written to my mother and sister, in the +elated moment of hope, an assurance of being able to grant this relief +in a very few weeks; and that, buoyed up by these calculations, I had +indulged myself in procuring a suit of clothes and other necessaries, +of which I was in extreme need, on credit. + +'Thou world of vice! thou iron-hearted senseless mass of madness +and folly! why did I ever dream that I had the power to arrest thy +headlong course, and fix thy bewildered wits, thy garish idiot eye +on me? On my weak efforts! my humble wishes! my craving wants! What +signs of luxury, what tokens of dissipation, what innumerable marks of +extravagant waste did I every where see around me, at the moment that +poverty was thus pinching me to the very bone! Here a vain mortal, +as insolent as uninstructed, drawn by six ponies; with a postillion +before and three idle fellows behind, pampered in vice, that he might +thus openly insult common sense, and thus publicly proclaim the folly +of his head to be as egregious as the insensibility of his heart was +hateful. There trifling and imbecile creatures, who, not satisfied +with the appellation woman, call themselves ladies, and expend +thousands on their routs, masked-balls, whipped creams, and other +froth and frippery, procured from the achs and pains and blood and +bones of the poor! Wretches more bent and weighed down by misery than +even I was! + +'What need I to recall such pictures to your imaginations? Can +you look abroad and not behold them? Are not the vices of unequal +distribution to be met with in every corner, nook, and alley? Is not +the despotism of wealth, that is, of that property which the folly of +man so much reveres and worships, every where visible? Does it not +varnish vice, generate crime, and trample virtue and the virtuous in +the dust? Is the deep sense which I have entertained of the relentless +injustice of society all false? + +'Impelled as I was by paltry yet pressing wants and debts that would +admit of no delay, I sought relief in endeavouring to raise money on +the presumptive profits of my tragedy. What can the wretch who is thus +besieged, thus hunted do, but yield? I had promised aid to my family; +and, depending on that promise which had been much too confidently +given, my mother was in danger of having her trifling effects seized; +my sister, whom I then tenderly loved, of being turned loose perhaps +into the haunts of infamy; and myself of being thrown into a loathsome +prison. + +'My first attempt was a very wild one, and proved how little I yet +knew of mankind. I wrote a letter to a woman of great fame in the +literary world; the reputed writer of a work, the praises of which had +been often echoed, and whose wealth was immense. To such a person I +thought the appeal I had to make must come with resistless force. For +a man of literature, a poet, capable of writing a tragedy, that had +already been deemed worthy at least of attention from the theatre, and +of the merits of which she so well could judge, for such a man she +would be all kindness! all sensibility! all soul! What an incurable +dolt was I! Thus repeatedly to degrade the character of bard, and thus +too in vain. I blush!--No matter! + +'I minutely detailed the circumstances of my case, to this female +leader of literature; and, assiduously endeavouring to avoid every +feature of meanness, requested the loan of one hundred pounds; +appealing for the probability of reimbursement to her own conceptions +of the rectitude of the mind that could produce the tragedy I sent, +and which I requested her first to read. She herself would judge of +the danger there might be of its condemnation. If she thought it would +fail, I then should be anxious that she should run no risk: but, if +not, the loan would be a most essential benefit to me, and perhaps a +pleasure to herself. + +'Fool that I was, thus to estimate ladies' pleasures! Whether she +did or did not read my play I never knew; but this learned lady, +this patroness of letters, this be-prosed and be-rhymed dowager, +who professed to be the enraptured lover of poetry, wit and genius, +returned it with a formal cold apology, that was insulting by its +affected pity. "She was _extremely_ sorry to be obliged to refuse me! +_extremely_ sorry indeed! It would have given her _infinite_ pleasure +to have advanced me the sum I required; but she was then building +a _fine_ house, which demanded all the money she could _possibly_ +spare." + +'Why ay! She must have a fine house, with fifty fine rooms in it, +forty-nine of which were useless; while I, my mother, my sister, and +millions more, might perish without a hovel in which to shelter our +heads! + +'Convinced at last of the futility of applications like these, I +sought an opposite resource. If men would not lend money to benefit +me, they would perhaps to benefit themselves. One of the actors, +with whom I became acquainted, informed me that there was a Jew, who +frequented all theatrical haunts, knew I had a play in the manager's +hands, and might possibly be induced to lend me the sum I wanted. +To this Jew I addressed myself, stated the merits of the case, and, +fearful of making too high a demand, requested a loan of seventy +pounds. + +'His first question was concerning the security I had to give? I had +none! The Jew shook his head, and told me it was impossible to lend +money without security. I replied, that if making over the profits +of my tragedy to the amount of the principal and interest would but +satisfy him, to that I should willingly consent. Again he shrugged his +shoulders, and repeated it was very dangerous. Jews themselves, kind +as they were, could not lend money without security. Beside, money +was never so scarce as just at that moment. Indeed he had no such sum +himself; but he had an uncle, in Duke's Place, who, if I could but +get good _personal_ security, would supply me, on paying a premium +adequate to the risk. + +'I must avoid being too circumstantial. I urged every incitement my +imagination could honestly suggest: he pretended to state the matter +to his uncle. The affair was kept in suspence, and I was obliged to +travel to Duke's Place at least a dozen times: but, at last I gave my +bond for a hundred pounds; for which I received fifty, and paid two +guineas out of it, on the demand of the nephew, for the trouble he +had taken in negociating the business; the uncle being the ostensible +person with whom it was transacted. + +'Determined to secure my mother from want as far as was in my power, +I remitted the whole sum to her, except what was necessary to pay +my immediate debts; and blessed the Jew extortioner, as a man who, +compared to the learned lady, abounded in the milk of human kindness! + +'By the continuance of my literary drudgery, the time passed away +to the middle of September; the season at which the winter theatres +usually open. I now felt tenfold anxiety concerning my tragedy. The +bond I had given at six months would soon become due; failure would +send me to prison, perhaps for life; it would disgrace me, would +distract my family, would cut short my hopes of fame, and the grand +progress which I sometimes fondly imagined I should make. Every way it +would be fatal! I trembled at its possibility. Success, which had so +lately appeared certain, seemed to become more and more dubious. + +'During the summer, I had heard nothing from the manager. I now +inquired at the theatre, and was told he was at Bath, and would not +be in town in less than a fortnight. I waited with increasing fears, +haunted the play-house, and teazed the attendants at it with my +inquiries. Of these I soon perceived not only the sneers but the +duplicity; for, when the manager was returned to town, and, as I was +told by a performer, was actually in the theatre, they affirmed the +contrary! He had been, but was gone! I plainly read the lie in their +looks to each other. At that time it was new to me, and gave me +great pain; but I soon became accustomed though never reconciled to +their manners; which were characterized by that low cunning, that +supercilious mixture of insolence and meanness, that is always +detested by the honest and the open. A set of--Pshaw! They are +unworthy my remembrance. + +'Finding the manager was now returned, I immediately wrote to him; +and a meeting was appointed three days after, at the theatre. He +then informed me there were still some few alterations, which he was +desirous should be immediately made; after which the tragedy should be +put into rehearsal, and performed in about three weeks. + +This was happy news to me. I returned with an elated heart to make the +proposed corrections, finished them the same day, and again delivered +the piece into the manager's hands. He proceeded with a punctuality +that delighted me: the parts were cast, and the performers called to +the theatre to hear it read. + +'This was a new scene, a new trial of patience, a new degradation. +Instead of that steady attention from my small audience which I +expected, that deep interest which I supposed the story must inspire, +suffusing them in tears or transfixing them in terror, the ladies and +gentlemen amused themselves with whispers, winks, jokes, titters, and +giggling; which, when they caught my attention and fixed my eye upon +the laughers, were turned into an affected gravity that added to the +insult. No heart panted! no face turned pale! no eye shed a tear! +and, if I were to judge from this experiment, a more uninteresting +soul-less piece had never been written. But the manager was not +present, and I was not a person of consequence enough to command +respect or ceremony, from any party. I complained to him of the total +want of effect in my tragedy, over the passions of the actors; but he +treated that as a very equivocal sign indeed, and of no worth. + +'There was another circumstance, of which he informed me, that to him +and as it afterward proved to me was of a much more serious nature. +They had not been altogether so inattentive as I had imagined. Amid +their monkey tricks and common place foolery, their hearts had been +burning with jealousy of each other. Neither men nor women were +satisfied with their parts. I had three male and two female characters +of great importance in the play, but rising in gradation. Of the first +of these all the actors were ambitious; and one of them who knew his +own consequence, and that the manager could not carry on the business +of the theatre at that time without him, threw up his part. + +'In vain did I plead, write, and remonstrate. No reasons, no motives +of generosity or of justice, to the manager, the piece, or the public, +could prevail; and his aid, though most essential, could not be +obtained. Had the part been totally beneath his abilities, his plea +would have been good; but it was avowedly, in the manager's opinion +and in the opinion of every other performer, superior to half of +those he nightly played. That it could have disgraced or injured him +partiality itself could not affirm. + +'And is the poet, after having spent a life in that deep investigation +of the human heart which alone can enable him to write a play, whose +efforts must be prodigious, and, if he succeed, his pathos, wit, and +genius, rare, is he, after all his struggles, to be at the mercy of an +ignorant actor or actress? who, so far from deeply studying the sense, +frequently do not remember the words they ought to repeat! + +'Every _mister_ is discontented with the character allotted him, each +envies the other, and mutters accusations against both author and +manager. Sir won't speak the prologue, it is not in his way; and Madam +will have the epilogue, or she will positively throw up her part. +One gentleman thinks his dialogue too long and heavy, and t'other +too short and trifling. This fine lady refuses to attend rehearsals: +another comes, but has less of the spirit of the author at the fifth +repetition than she had at the first. Of their parts individually +they know but very little; of the play as a whole they are absolutely +ignorant. On the first representation, by which the reputation of a +play is decided, they are so confused and imperfect, owing partly to +their imbecility but more still to their indolence, that the sense +of the author is mutilated, his characters travestied, and his piece +rather burlesqued than performed. The reality of the scene depends +on the passions excited in the actor listening almost as essentially +as in the actor speaking; but at the end of each speech the player +supposes his part is over: the arms, attitude, and features, all sink +into insignificance, and have no more meaning than the face of Punch +when beating Joan. + +'Of the reality of this picture I soon had full proof. My tragedy, +after a number of rehearsals, during which all these vexatious +incidents and many more were experienced by me, was at length +performed. To say that the applause it received equalled my +expectations would be false: but it greatly exceeded the expectations +of others. It was materially injured by the want of the actor who +had refused his part. The reigning vice of recitation, which since +the death of Garrick has again prevailed, injured it more. The tide +of passion, which should have rushed in torrents and burst upon the +astonished ear, was sung out in slow and measured syllables, with a +monotonous and funeral cadence, painful in its motion, and such as +reminded me of the Sloth and his horrid cry: plaintive indeed, but +exciting strange disgust! + +'My success however was thought extraordinary. The actors when the +play was over swarmed into the green-room, to congratulate me. The +actresses were ready to kiss me; good natured souls! The green-room +loungers, newspaper critics, authors, and pretended friends of the +house flocked round me, to wish me joy and stare at that enviable +animal a successful poet. One of them, himself an approved writer of +comedy, offered me five hundred pounds for the profits of my piece, +and as far as money was concerned I thought my fortune was made: +doubts and difficulties were fairly over, and the reward of all my +toils was at last secure. Sanguine blockhead, thus everlastingly to +embitter my own cup of sorrow! Secure? Oh no! The nectar of hope was +soon dashed from my lips. + +'I must detail the causes of this reverse; they were various and +decisive. + +'It had been the custom on the appearance of every new play to give +it what is called a run, that is to perform it without intermission +as many nights as the house should continue to be tolerably filled. +The managers of both theatres had at this time deemed the practice +prejudicial, and determined to reform it. Of this reform I was the +victim. My play was the first that appeared after the resolution +had been taken; and, in the bills of the day which announced the +performance of my tragedy for the Saturday evening, the public were +advertised that another piece would be acted on Monday. Ignorant of +the true reason, the town misinterpreted this notice into an avowal +that no favourable expectations were formed of my tragedy; and, as +the author was an obscure person whose name was totally unknown to +the world, none of that public curiosity on which popularity depends +was excited. + +'This was but one of the damning causes. My play appeared about the +middle of October, when the season continued to be fine: the citizens +were all at the watering places, the court was at Windsor, the +parliament had not met, and the town was empty. + +'To add to all this, one of the performers was taken ill on the second +night. Another of them thought proper to ride over to Egham races, on +the third; where he got drunk and absented himself from the theatre; +so that substitutes were obliged to be found for both the parts. In +fine though some few, struck as they affirmed with the merits of the +play, were just enough to attempt to bring it into public esteem, it +gradually sunk into neglect. My third night, after paying the expences +of the house, produced me only twenty pounds. On the sixth night, the +receipts were less than the charges, and it was played no more. The +overplus of the third night was little more than sufficient to defray +the deficiences of the sixth; and thus vanished my golden dreams of +profit, prosperity, and fame! + +'The evil did not rest here. I was in danger of all the misfortunes I +had foreseen from the Jew, and the bond. There was not only hardship +and severity but injustice in my case, and I determined to remonstrate +to the manager. My mind was sore and my appeal was spirited, but +proper: it was an appeal to his equity. + +'He listened to me, acknowledged I had been unfortunate, and said +that, though the theatre could not and ought not to be accountable +for my loss, yet some compensation he thought was justly my due. He +therefore gave me a draft on his treasurer for one hundred pounds, and +wished me better success in future. + +'This it is true was of the most essential service to me; it relieved +me, not only from imprisonment, but from the degradation of having my +honesty questioned. It did not however restore me to the hope that +should have rouzed me to greater exertions. + +'Some new efforts indeed I was obliged to make; for the time consumed +in revising my tragedy, and attending rehearsals, had occasioned me +to neglect other pursuits, and I was again some few pounds in debt. +No dread of labour, no degree of misery could induce me to leave +these debts unpaid. I therefore worked and starved till they were all +discharged: after which I returned to the country, and became usher at +the school where I first knew you, Mr. Trevor. + +'To paint the family distresses that succeeded, the disgrace, the +infamy that attended them, the wretchedness that afterward preyed upon +me, till I could endure no more, were needless. I was satisfied that I +had a right to end a state of suffering, and to be rid of a world that +considers itself as burthened not benefited by such creatures as I am. +At torments after death, concerning which bigotry and cunning have +invented such horrid fables, accusing and blaspheming a God whom they +pretend to adore of tyranny the most monstrous, and injustice the most +abhorred, at tales like these I laughed. + +'You, Mr. Turl, say you can shew me better arguments, moral motives +that are indispensable, why I ought to live. These are assertions, of +which I must consider. You have restored me to life: prove that you +have done me a favour! Of that I doubt! My first sensation, after +recovering my faculties, was anger at your officious pity: shew me +that it was ill timed and unjust. If you have reduced me to the +necessity of again debating the same painful and gloomy question, if +you cannot give that elasticity to my mind which will animate it to +despise difficulty and steel it against injustice, however good your +intentions may have been, I fear you have but imposed misery upon me.' + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +_Remarks on the mistakes of Mr. Wilmot, by Turl: Law, or important +truths discussed; to which few will attend, fewer will understand, and +very few indeed will believe_ + + +The state of mind into which his mistakes had brought him rendered +Wilmot an object of compassion. The tone in which he concluded +testified the alarming errors into which he was still liable to fall. +For this reason, though Turl treated him with all possible humanity +and tenderness, he considered it as dangerous to him, and scarcely +less so to me, on whom he perceived the strong impression the +narrative had made, to be silent. With a voice and countenance +therefore of perfect urbanity, he thus replied. + +'Do not imagine, Mr. Wilmot, that I have not been deeply penetrated +by your sufferings; that I am insensible of your uncommon worth, or +that I approve the vices of society, and the injustice and unfeeling +neglect with which you have been treated. Thousands are at this moment +subject to the same oppression. + +'But the province of wisdom is not to lament over our wrongs: it is +to find their remedy. Querulous complaint (Pardon me, if my words +or expressions have any ill-timed severity: indeed that is far from +my intention.) Querulous complaint is worthy only of the infancy of +understanding. The world is unjust: and why? Because it is ignorant. +Ought that to excite either complaint or anger? Would not the energies +of intellect be more worthily employed in removing the cause, by the +communication of knowledge? + +'You bid me restore the elasticity of your mind. Can you look round on +the follies and mistakes of men, which you have the power to detect, +expose, and in part reform, and be in want of motive? You demand +that I should communicate to you the desire of life. Can you have a +perception of the essential duties that you are fitted to perform, and +dare you think of dying? + +'You have been brooding over your own wrongs, which your distorted +fancy has painted as perhaps the most insufferable in the whole circle +of existence! How could you be so blind? Look at the mass of evil, by +which you are surrounded! What is its origin? Ignorance. Ignorance is +the source of all evil; and there is one species of ignorance to which +you and men like you have been egregiously subject: ignorance of +the true mode of exercising your rare faculties; ignorance of their +unbounded power of enjoyment. + +'You have been persuaded that this power was destroyed, by the +ridiculous distinctions of rich and poor. Oh, mad world! Monstrous +absurdity! Incomprehensible blindness! Look at the rich! In what are +they happy? In what do they excel the poor? Not in their greater +stores of wealth: which is but a source of vice, disease, and death; +but in a little superiority of knowledge; a trifling advance toward +truth. How may this advantage be made general? Not by the indulgence +of the desires you have fostered; the tendency of which was vicious; +but by retrenching those false wants, that you panted to gratify; and +thus by giving leisure to the poor or rather to all mankind, to make +the acquirement of knowledge the grand business of life. + +'This is the object on which the attention of every wise man should +be turned. He that by precept or example shall prevail on community +to relinquish one superfluous dish, one useless and contemptible +trapping, will be the general friend of man. He who labours for +riches, to countenance by his practice their abuse, is labouring to +secure misery to himself, and perpetuate it in society. Who ought to +be esteemed the most rich? He whose faculties are the most enlarged. +How wealthy were you, had you but known it, at the moment your mind +was distracting itself by these dirges of distress. + +'He that would riot in luxury, let him wait the hour of appetite; and +carry his morsel into the harvest field. There let him seat himself on +a bank, eat, and cast his eyes around. Then, while he shall appease +the cravings of hunger (not pamper the detestable caprice of gluttony) +let him remember how many thousands shall in like manner be fed, by +the plenty he every where beholds. How poor and pitiable a creature +would he be, were his pleasure destroyed, or narrowed, because the +earth on which it was produced was not what he had absurdly been +taught to call his own! + +'You complain that the titled and the dignified rejected your +intercourse. How could you thus mistake your true rank? How exalted +was it, compared to the ridiculous arrogance you envied! Were you now +visiting Bedlam, would you think yourself miserable because its mad +inhabitants despised you, for not being as mighty a monarch as each of +themselves? But little depth of penetration is necessary, to perceive +that the lunatics around us are no less worthy of our laughter and our +pity. + +'If I do not mistake, you, Mr. Trevor, are hurrying into the very +errors that have misled your noble minded friend and instructor. +Your active genius is busying itself how to obtain those riches and +distinctions on which you have falsely supposed happiness depends. You +are in search of a profession, by which your fortune is to be made. +Beware! Notwithstanding that I am frequently assaulted by the same +kind of folly myself, I yet never recollect it without astonishment!' + +While Turl confined the application of his precepts to Wilmot, I +listened and assented with scarcely a doubt: but, the moment he +directed them against me, I turned upon him with all the force to +which by my passions and fears I was rouzed. + +'What,' said I, 'would you persuade me to renounce those pursuits by +which alone I can gain distinction and respect in society? Would you +have me remain in poverty, and thus relinquish the dearest portion of +existence?' + +Olivia was full in my thoughts, as I spoke. + +'Of what worth would life be, were I so doomed? Rather than accept it +on such terms, were there ten thousand Serpentine rivers I would drown +in them all!' + +Turl glanced significantly first at me and then at Wilmot. 'Do you +consider the danger, the possible consequences, of the doctrine you +are now inculcating, Mr. Trevor?' + +Too much devoured by passion to attend to his reproof, in the sense +he meant it, I retorted in a still louder key. 'I can discover no ill +consequences in being sincere. I repeat, were there millions of seas, +I would sooner drown in them all! You are continually pushing your +philosophy to extremes, Mr. Turl.' + +'You should rather say, Mr. Trevor, you are pushing your want of +philosophy to an extreme.' + +'The self denial you require is not in the nature of man.' + +'The nature of man is a senseless jargon. Man is that which he is made +by the various occurrences to which he is subjected. Those occurrences +continually differ; no two men, therefore, were ever alike. But how +are you to obtain the wealth and dignity you seek? By honest means?' + +'Can you suppose me capable of any other?' + +'Alas! How universal, how dangerous, are the mistakes of mankind! Your +hopes are childish. The law, I understand, is your present pursuit. +Do you suppose it possible to practise the law, in any form, and be +honest?' + +'Sir!--Mr. Turl?--You amaze me! Where is the dishonesty of pleading +for the oppressed?' + +'How little have you considered the subject! How ignorant are you of +the practice of the law! Oppressed? Do counsel ever ask who is the +oppressed? Do they refuse a brief because the justice of the case is +doubtful? Do they not always inquire, not what is justice, but, what +is law? Do they not triumph most, and acquire most fame, when they can +gain a cause in the very teeth of the law they profess to support and +revere? Who is the greatest lawyer? Not he who can most enlighten, but +he who can most perplex and confound the understanding of his hearers! +He who can best brow-beat and confuse witnesses; and embroil and +mislead the intellect of judge and jury. Yet the mischiefs I have +mentioned are but the sprouts and branches of this tree of evil; its +root is much deeper: it is in the law itself; and in the system of +property, of which law is the support.' + +'Pshaw! These are the distempered dreams of reform run mad.' + +'Are they? Consider! Beware of the mischief of deciding rashly! Beware +of your passions, that are alarmed lest they should be disappointed.' + +'It is you that decide. Prove this rooted evil of law.' + +'Suppose me unable to prove it: are its consequences the less real? +But I will endeavour. + +'He, who is told that, "to do justice is to conduce with all his power +to the well being of the whole," has a simple intelligible rule for +his conduct. + +'He, on the contrary, who is told that, "to do justice is to obey the +law," has to inquire, not what is justice! but, what is the law? Now +to know the law, (were it practicable!) would be not only to know +the statutes at large by rote, but all the precedents, and all the +legal discussions and litigations, to which the practitioners of law +appeal! Innumerable volumes, filled with innumerable subtleties and +incoherencies, and written in a barbarous and unintelligible jargon, +must be studied! Memory is utterly inadequate to the task; and reason +revolts, spurns at and turns from it with loathing. + +'A short statement of facts will, in my opinion, demonstrate that law, +in its origin and essence, is absolutely unjust. + +'To make a law is to make a rule, by which a certain class of future +events shall be judged. + +'Future events can only be partially and imperfectly foreseen. + +'Consequently, the law must be partial and imperfect. + +'Let us take the facts in another point of view--The law never varies. + +'The cases never agree. + +'The law is general. + +'The case is individual. + +'The penalty of the law is uniform. + +'The justice or injustice of the case is continually different. + +'To prejudge any case, that is, to give a decided opinion on it while +any of the circumstances remain unknown, is unjust even to a proverb. +Yet this is precisely what is done, by making a law.' + +'This is strange doctrine, Mr. Turl!' + +'Disprove the facts, Mr. Trevor. They are indisputable; and on them +the following syllogism may indisputably be formed. + +'To make a law is publicly to countenance and promote injustice. + +'Publicly to countenance and promote injustice is a most odious and +pernicious action. + +'Consequently, to make a law is a most odious and pernicious action. + +'How unlimited are the moral mischiefs that result! To make positive +laws is to turn the mind from the inquiry into what is just, and +compel it to inquire what is law! + +'To make positive laws is to habituate and reconcile the mind to +injustice, by stamping injustice with public approbation! + +'To make positive laws is to deaden the mind to that constant and +lively sense of what is just and unjust, to which it must otherwise be +invariably awake, by not only encouraging but by obliging it to have +recourse to rules founded in falsehood! + +'Each case is law to itself: that is, each case ought to be decided by +the justice, or the injustice arising out of the circumstances of that +individual case; and by no other case or law whatever; for the reason +I have already given, that there never were nor ever can be two cases +that were not different from each other. + +'I therefore once more warn you, Mr. Trevor, that law is a pernicious +mass of errors; and that the practitioners of it can only thrive by +the mischiefs which they themselves produce, the falsehoods they +propagate, and the miseries they inflict!' + +'This would be dangerous doctrine to the preacher, were it heard in +Westminster hall.' + +'I am sorry for it! I am sorry that man can be in danger from his +fellow men, because he endeavours to do them good!' + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +_Painful meditations: A new project for acquiring wealth: A journey to +Bath_ + + +That the reader may judge of the arguments of Turl, I have been +anxious to state them simply; and not perplexed with the digressions, +commentaries, cavils, and violent opposition they met with from me. +Striking as they did at the very root of all my promised pleasures, +how could I listen and not oppose? Destroying as they did all my +towering hopes at a breath, what could I do but rave? When my +arguments and my anger were exhausted, I sat silent for a while, +sunk in melancholy revery. At length I recovered myself so far as to +endeavour to console Mr. Wilmot, offer him every assistance in my +power, and persuade him to an interview with his sister. Aided by +the benevolent arguments of Turl, this purpose was with some little +difficulty effected, and I returned home to relate to Miss Wilmot what +had happened. + +In very bitterness of soul I then began to meditate on the prospect +before me. The sensations I experienced were at some moments +agonizing! Could I even have renounced fame and fortune, and patiently +have resigned myself to live in obscure poverty, yet to live, as in +such a case I must do, without Olivia would be misery to which no +arguments could induce me to submit. But how obtain her? Where were +all my bright visions fled? Poor Wilmot! What an example did he afford +of ineffectual struggles, talents neglected, and genius trampled in +the dust! Was there more security for me? Turl indeed seemed to resign +himself without a murmur, and to be happy in despite of fate. But he +had no Olivia to regret! If he had, happiness without her would be +impossible! + +To attempt to repeat all the tormenting fears that hurried and +agitated my mind, on this occasion, were fruitless. Suffice it to +say, this was one of those severe conflicts to which by education and +accident I was subject; and it was not the least painful part of the +present one that I could come to no decision. + +I persuaded myself indeed that, with respect to law, Turl's reasoning +was much too severe and absolute. It was true I could not but own +that law was inclined to debase and corrupt the morals of its +practitioners; but surely there were exceptions, and if I pursued the +law why should not I be one of them. If therefore the happiness at +which I aimed were attainable by this means, I asserted to myself that +I had heard no reasons which ought to deter me from practising the +law. + +In the mean time, I had conceived a project that related to the +immediate state of my feelings; the acuteness of which I was obliged +to seek some method to appease. Olivia was gone to Bath, with her +aunt; and thither I was determined to follow her. + +Full of this design, I dispatched Philip with orders that a post +chaise should be ready at the door by nine o'clock the next morning; +after which, to rid myself as much as possible of the thoughts that +haunted me, I once more went in search of the false Belmont. + +I found him at the usual place engaged at play. The betting was high, +he appeared to be overmatched, and for a few games his antagonist, +who like himself was a first rate player, triumphed. My passions +were always of the touch-wood kind. Rouzed and tempted by the bets +that were so plentifully offered, the thought suddenly occurred how +possible it was for a man of penetration, who could keep himself +perfectly cool, as I was persuaded I could (What was there indeed +that I persuaded myself I could not do?) to make a fortune by +gambling! I did not indeed call it by the odious term gambling: it +was calculation, foresight, acuteness of discernment. My morality was +fast asleep; so intent was I on profiting by this new and surprisingly +certain source of wealth! and so avaricious of the means that at a +glance seemed to promise the gratification of all my desires! + +I had not frequented a billiard table without have exercised my own +skill, learned the odds, and obtained a tolerable knowledge of the +game itself. So fixed was my cupidity on its object that I began with +the caution of a black-leg; made a bet, and the moment the odds turned +in my favour secured myself by taking them; hedged again, as the +advantage changed; and thus made myself a certain winner. I exulted in +my own clearness of perception! and wondered that so palpable a method +of winning should escape even an idiot! + +The experience however of a few games taught me that my discovery was +not quite of so lucrative a nature as I had supposed. The odds did not +every game vary, from side to side; people were not always inclined +to bet the odds; and, if I would run no great risk, I even found it +necessary to bet them sometimes myself. Every man who has made the +experiment knows that the thirst of lucre, when thus awakened in a +young mind, is insatiable, impetuous, and rash. I was weary of petty +gains, and riches by retail. The ardour with which I examined the +players, and each circumstance as it occurred, persuaded me that there +were tokens by which an acute observer might discover the winning +party. I had on former occasions remarked that players but rarely win +game and game alternately, even when they leave off equal; but that +success has a tide, with a kind of periodical ebb and flow. This said +I may be attributed to the temper of the players; the loser is too +angry to attend with sufficient caution to his game; he persuades +himself that luck is against him, strikes at random, and does mischief +every stroke. After a while the winner grows careless, loses a game, +and becomes angry and conquered in turn. + +Exulting in my prodigious penetration, and fortified in my daring by +reasoning so deep, I determined to hedge no more bets. Belmont, whose +notice my sudden rage for betting had by no means escaped, was at this +time losing, and I was backing his antagonist. To one of the bets I +offered, he said, 'Done;' and, though I felt a reluctance to win his +money, it seemed ungentlemanlike to refuse. I won the first three +bets; and, exulting in my own acuteness and certainty, intreated +him in pity to desist. He refused, and I pleaded the pain I felt at +winning the money of a friend. Beside, it was not only dishonourable +but dishonest; it was absolutely picking his pocket! + +My triumph was premature. From this time fortune veered, and he began +to win. I was then willing to have taken the other side, but could +not procure a bet. He bantering bade me not be afraid of winning my +friend's money; it was neither dishonourable, dishonest, nor picking +his pocket. Piqued by his sarcasms, I continued till I had lost five +and twenty guineas; and then my vexation and pride, which almost +foamed at the suspicion of my own folly, made me propose to bet double +or quit. I lost again, again resorted to the same desperate remedy, +and met with the same ill success. My frenzy was such that I a third +time urged him to continue. Fortunately for me his antagonist would +play no more, and I was left to reflect that my calculations and +avaricious arts to rob fools and outwit knaves were as crude as they +were contemptible. + +Wrung as I was to the heart, I was ashamed of having it supposed that +the loss of my hundred guineas in the least affected me. Belmont +insisted that I should sup with him, and when I attempted to decline +his invitation bantered me out of my refusal, by asking if I had +parted with my hundred guineas to purchase the spleen. During supper +I informed him of my intended journey to Bath; and he immediately +proposed to accompany me, telling me that he had himself had the +same intention. On this we accordingly agreed, and I left him early +and retired to bed; but not to rest. The quick decay of my small +substance, the helpless state in which I found myself, the impatience +with which I desired wealth and power, and the increasing distance at +which I seemed to be thrown from Olivia by this last act of folly, +kept me not only awake but in a fever of thought. + +The next day we set off, and arrived at Bath the same evening; where +the first inquiries I made were at the Pump-room, to learn where +Olivia and her aunt were lodged. So inconsiderate and eager were my +desires, that I endeavoured to obtain apartments in the same house; +but ineffectually, they were all let. I was recommended to others +however in Milsom-street, in which I fixed my abode. There was not +room for Belmont, and he got lodgings on the South Parade. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +_Desperate measures: Olivia and her aunt: A rash accusation; and its +strange consequences: Affairs brought to a crisis_ + + +Before I proceed to the history of my Bath adventures, it is necessary +to take a brief retrospect of the state of my affairs. The total of +my expences, from the time that I received the four hundred and fifty +pounds of Thornby, to my arrival at Bath, was about two hundred and +forty pounds, including the sum I had lost at billiards, the money I +had paid for printing my pamphlet (the last sheet of which I corrected +before I left town) thirty pounds that in consequence of a letter from +my mother I remitted to her, and twenty for the purchase of a lottery +ticket; for, among other absurd and vicious ways of becoming rich, +that suggested itself to my eager fancy. + +The quick decay of my very small inheritance lay corroding at my +heart, and prompted me to a thousand different schemes, without the +power of determining me to any. My general propensity however was +more to the desperate, which should at once be decisive, than to the +slow and lingering plans of timid prudence. In reality both seemed +hopeless, and therefore the briefest suffering was the best. At some +short intervals the glow of hope, which had lately been so fervid, +would return, and those powers of thought that seemed to be struggling +within me would promise great and glorious success; but these were +only flashes of lightening darting through a midnight sky, the texture +of which was deep obscurity; 'darkness visible.' + +To one point however I was fixed, that of using every endeavour +to learn the true sentiments of Olivia respecting me; and, if any +possible opportunity offered, of declaring my own. To effect this I +resolved, since I knew not what better method to take, that I would +watch the few public places to which all the visitors at Bath resort. +I therefore immediately subscribed to the upper and lower rooms, and +traversed the city in every direction. + +People, not confined to their chamber, are here sure to be soon met +with; and, on the second morning after my arrival, I discovered +Olivia, seated at the farther end of the Pump-room. She had an old +lady, who proved to be her aunt, by her side; and a circle round her, +in which were several handsome fellows, who my jealous eye instantly +discovered were all ambitious of her regard. + +The moment I had a glimpse of her, I was seized with a trembling that +shook my whole frame, and a sickness that I with difficulty subdued. +I approached, stopped, turned aside, again advanced, again hesitated, +and was once more almost overcome by a rising of the heart that was +suffocating, and a swimming of the brain that made my limbs stagger, +my eyes roll, and deprived me of sight. + +It was sometime before I could make another attempt. At length I +caught her eye. With the rapidity of lightening her cheek was suffused +with blushes, and as instantaneously changed to a death-like pale. It +was my habitual error to interpret every thing in my own favour; and +the conviction that she was suffering emotions similar to my own was +transport to me. + +For some minutes I mingled with the croud, fearful of a relapse on my +own part and on hers, but keeping her in sight, and presenting myself +to her view, till I was rouzed by an apparent motion of the aunt to +rise. I then advanced, but still in an ague fit of apprehension. I +attempted to bow, and in a faltering and feeble voice pronounced her +name, 'hoped she was well, and'--I could proceed no farther. + +My disease was infectious. She sat a moment, severely struggling with +her feelings, and then returned a kind of inarticulate complimentary +answer. + +'What is the matter Olivia?' said the aunt. 'How strangely you look +child? Who is the gentleman?' + +Olivia made another effort. '--It is Mr. Trevor, Madam; the grandson +of the rector of ***.' + +'Oh ho! The young Oxonian that my nephew Hector tells the comical +story about; of the methodist preacher, and of his throwing you into +the water, and then taking you out again.' + +The tone, form, and features of the old lady, with this short +introductory dialogue, gave me a strong, but no encouraging picture, +of her character. Her voice was masculine, her nose short, her mouth +wide, her brow bent and bushy, and the corners of her eyes and cheeks +deeply wrinkled. I attempted to enter into conversation, but my +efforts were aukward; the answers of the aunt were broad, coarse, and +discouraging; and Olivia, though embarrassed, I accused of being cold. +The manner of the old lady clearly indicated, that she suspected my +design; and an endeavour in me to prolong the conversation, by turning +it on my native county, drew from her the following animadversions. + +'I have heard a great deal about your family, Mr. Trevor; and of the +ridiculous opposition which your grandfather pretended to make to my +late brother, Mowbray. Your mother, I think, was twice married, and, +as I have been told, both times very imprudently; so that the proud +hopes which the rector entertained of raising a family were all +overthrown. But that is always the case with clandestine matches. +Many families, of much greater consequence than ever yours was, Mr. +Trevor, have been brought low by such foolish and wicked doings. Young +girls that have indulged improper connections, and secret lovers, +have involved themselves, and all their relations, in ruin by their +guilty proceedings. You are but a petty instance of the base and +bad consequences of the crimes of such foolish young hussies. Come, +niece!' + +They both rose to go. The dialogue that had just passed had no +listeners, though of that circumstance the aunt was evidently +regardless. The circle round Olivia had presently dispersed, as good +manners required, when I a stranger came up. The repugnant and ominous +behaviour of the aunt did but increase the impetuous haste that I felt +to know the worst, and addressing myself to Olivia, I asked with some +eagerness, 'If I might be permitted to pay her my respects while she +continued at Bath?' + +The aunt fixed her eye on me, 'Look you,' said she, 'Mr. Trevor, you +are a handsome young fellow, and I do not want handsome young fellows +about my niece. I see too many of them: they have little fortune, and +less shame; they give me a deal of trouble; no good can come of their +smirking and smiling, their foppery and their forward prate. My niece +I believe has much more prudence than is usual with the young minxes +of the present day. But no matter for that: I am sure there is no +prudence in setting gunpowder too near the fire. I have heard her talk +of your taking her out of the water in a manner that, if I did not +know her, I should not quite like. So I must plainly tell you, Sir, +as I can see no good that can come of your acquaintance, I shall take +care to prevent all harm. Not that there is much fear, for she knows +her duty, and has always done it. Neither can you have entertained any +impertinent notions: it would be too ridiculous! Though what my nephew +and Mr. Andrews told me, I own, did seem as if you could strangely +forget yourself. But at once to cut matters short, I now tell you +plainly, and down right, her choice is made. Yes, Sir, her choice is +positively made; and so, though I do not suppose you have taken any +foolish crotchets, and improper whims into your head, for that would +be too impertinent, yet as you knew one another when children, and so +forth, it was best to be plain with you at once, because, though such +ridiculous nonsense was quite impossible, I hear on all hands you +are a bold and flighty young gentleman, and that you have no little +opinion of yourself.' + +Dumb founded as I was by this undisguised refusal, this hard, +unfeeling reprimand, I made no attempt to reply or follow. The +flushings of Olivia's face indeed were continual; but what were they +more than indignant repellings of her aunt's broad surmises? Had they +been favourable to me why did she not declare them with the openness +of which she had so striking an example? She curtsied as she went; but +it was a half-souled compliment, that while I attempted to return my +heart resented. + +They disappeared, and I remained, feeling as if now first made +sensible of the extreme folly, the lunacy of all my actions! The +dialogue I had just heard vibrated in my brain, burning and wasting it +with the frenzy of agonizing recollection. 'I was a forward prating +fop, of little fortune, and less shame! Bold and flighty, with no +little opinion of myself; again and again I was ridiculous, and +impertinent! My crotchets, whims, and nonsense were impossible!' + +Nor was this all! There was another piece of intelligence; an +additional and dreadful feature of despair; the name of Andrews! +Detested sound! Racking idea! 'Her choice is made; positively made!' +Excruciating thought! Why then, welcome ruin! sudden and irrevocable +ruin! + +As soon as I could recover sufficient recollection, I hurried home; +where I remained in a trance of torment, and disposed to a thousand +acts of madness that were conceived and dismissed with a rapidity of +pain that rendered my mind impotent to all, except the inflicting +torture on itself. + +At last, the agony in which I sat was interrupted by the appearance of +Belmont. We had agreed to go to Lansdown races, he told me it was now +time, took me by the arm, and hurried me away. + +Reckless of where I went, or what I did, I obeyed. The course was at +no great distance, a carriage was not to be procured, and we walked. +The steepness of the hill, the heat of the day, and above all +the anguish of my heart, threw me into a violent heat. The drops +rolled down my cheeks, and I put my handkerchief lightly into my +hat, to prevent its pressure. Lost in a revery of misery, I acted +instinctively, and breathed the dust, heard the hubbub, and saw the +confusion around me without perceiving them. + +After the first heat there was a battle, toward which I was dragged by +Belmont. In the tumult and distraction of my thoughts, I scarcely knew +what happened; and feeling in my pocket for my handkerchief I missed +it. A croud and a pick-pocket was an immediate suggestion. Neither +coolness nor recollection were present to me. I saw a man putting up a +red and white handkerchief, which I supposed to be mine, and springing +forward, I caught him by the collar, and exclaimed, 'Rascal, you have +robbed me!' In an instant the mob flocked round us, and the supposed +pick-pocket was seized. 'Duck him! Duck him!' was the general cry; and +away the poor fellow was immediately hurried. Half awakened by the +unpremeditated danger into which I had brought him, I began to repent. +Belmont, who had lost sight of me, came up, and asked what was the +matter. + +'A fellow has picked my pocket,' said I. + +'Of what?' + +'Of my handkerchief.' + +'Your handkerchief? Is it not under your hat?' + +I snatched it off, examined, and there the handkerchief was!--I was +struck speechless! + +The man whom I had falsely accused made a violent resistance; the +mob was dragging him along, rending his clothes off his back, and +half-tearing him in pieces. The state of my mind was little short of +frenzy. In a tone of command, I bade Belmont follow, made my way into +the thickest of the croud, and furiously began to beat the people +who were ill-using the prisoner; calling till I was hoarse, 'Let him +alone! He is innocent! I am to blame!' + +My efforts were vain. A mob has many hands but no ears. My blows were +returned fifty fold. I was inveloped by one mob myself, while the poor +wretch was hauled along by another. Not all my struggles could save +him. I could not get free; and the man, as Belmost afterward informed +me, was half drowned; after which he escaped, and nobody knew what was +become of him. + +These were but a part of the accidents of the day. My mind was +maddening, and I was ripe for mischief. Belmont in the evening went +to the hazard table, and I determined to accompany him, to which +he encouraged me. The impetus was given, and, as if resolved on +destruction, I put all my money, except a ten pound note to pay my +Bath debts, in my pocket. Though ignorant of the cause of them, +Belmont discovered my inclinations. He took care to be at the place +before the company assembled. + +An accomplice (as I afterward learned) was present, who displayed +guineas and bank notes sufficient to convince me that he was my man, +if I could but win them. I was as eager as they could desire, and to +increase my ardour was occasionally suffered to win a rich stake. My +success was of short duration; I soon began to lose and foam with +rage. In the midst of this scene, Hector Mowbray and tall Andrews came +in; who unknown to me were at Bath. They saw me close my accounts, and +by their looks enjoyed my fury. The whole company, which now began to +be numerous, understood that I left off play because I had no more +money to lose. The pigeon was completely plucked. + +This was the climax of misery, at which I seemed ambitious to arrive. +During six hours, I sat in a state of absolute stupor; and echoed the +uproar and blasphemy that surrounded me with deep but unconscious +groans. I do not know that I so much as moved, till the company was +entirely dispersed, and I was awakened from my torpor by the groom +porter. I then languidly returned to my lodging, exhausted and unable +longer to support the conflicting torture. + + +END OF VOLUME III + + + + +VOLUME IV + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +_The pains and penalties of illicit attempts to become rich: The sleep +of a gamester: Morning meditations_ + + +The pungency of extreme grief acts as a temporary opiate: for a short +time it lulls the sufferer to insensibility, and sleep; but it is only +to recruit him and awaken him to new torments. + +When I reached my lodgings, I appeared to myself to have sunk into +a state of quiescent resignation. The die was cast. My doom was +irrevocable; and despair itself seemed to have lost its charm: the +animation, the vigour, of misery was gone. I was reduced to an +inevitable post-horse kind of endurance; and had only now to be +thankful if I might be permitted to exist. From an audacious and +arrogant confidence in my own strength, I had suddenly yet by +perceptible gradations declined, though with excruciating pangs at +every step, till I now at last found myself in a state of sluggish and +brute imbecility. + +Staggering home in this temper, I undressed myself, went to bed with +stupid composure, and felt like a wretch that had been stretched on +the rack, and, having just been taken off, was suffered to sink into +lifeless languor, because he could endure no more. I was mistaken. +My sleeping sensations soon became turbulent, oppressive, fevered, +terrific, yet cumbrous, and impossible to awake from and escape. + +It was seven in the morning, when I returned to my lodging. When I +went to bed, my heaviness was so great that I seemed as if I could +have slept for centuries; and, so multifarious and torturing were the +images that haunted me, that, the time actually appeared indefinitely +protracted: a month, a year, an age: yet it was little more than +two hours. The moment struggling nature had cast off her horrible +night-mares, and I had once more started into identity, the anguish +of the past day and night again seized me. Pains innumerable, and +intolerable, rushed upon me. Each new thought was a new serpent. Mine +was the head of Medusa: with this difference; my scorpions shed all +their venom inward. + +Confusion of mind is the source of pain: but confusion is the greatest +in minds that are the seldomest subject to it; and with those the pain +is proportionably intense. The conflict was too violent to be endured, +without an endeavour to get rid of it. I rose, traversed my room I +know not how long, and at last rushed into the street; with a sort +of feeling that, when in the open air, the atmosphere of misery that +enveloped me would be swallowed up, and lost, in the infinite expanse. + +The hope was vain: it wrapped me round like a cloak. It was a +universal caustic, that would not endure to be touched; much less +torn away. I groaned. I gnashed my teeth. I griped my hands. I struck +myself violent blows. I ran with fury, in circles, in zigzag, with +sudden turns and frantic bounds; and, finding myself on the banks of +the Avon, plunged headlong in. + +I acted from no plan, or forethought; therefore was far from any +intention to drown myself; and, being in the water, I swam as I had +run, like a mad or hunted bull. + +That unpremeditated sensation which enforces immediate action is +what, I suppose, Philosophers mean by instinct: if the word ever had +any definite meaning. Thousands of these instinctive experiments +are, no doubt, injurious to the animals that make them: but, their +number being unlimited, some of them are successful. The benefit is +remembered; they are repeated; and a future race profits by the wisdom +that becomes habitual. I am well persuaded that my immersion in +the stream was assuaging; and gamesters hereafter, or the faculty +themselves, may, if they please, profit by the experiment. + +I have no distinct recollection of coming out of the water: though +I remember walking afterward, two or three hours, till my cloaths +were again entirely dry. My feelings, in the interval, were somewhat +similar to those of the preceding evening; declining from frantic +agitation to stupidity, and torpor. + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +_An unexpected rencontre; and a desperate contest: Victory dearly +bought_ + + +Man is, or, which is the same thing, his sensations are, continually +changing; and it may be truly affirmed that he is many different +animals in the course of a day. A very unexpected, yet very natural, +incident again rouzed me, to a state of activity. + +During my ramble, I had strayed among the new buildings, below the +Crescent. I know not whether I had any latent hope, or wish, of having +a distant sight of Olivia, walking there as is customary for air and +exercise: though I was certainly far too much degraded, in my own +opinion, to intend being seen myself, even by her; much less by any +of those proud beings, those ephemera; of fortune, with whom, while I +despised their arrogance, not to associate, not to be familiar, nay +not to treat with a sort of conscious superiority, was misery. We +all practise that haughtiness, ourselves, which, in others, is so +irritating to our feelings; and for which we pretend to have so +sovereign a contempt. + +As I passed a number of workmen, my moody apathy, though great, did +not prevent me from hearing one of them exclaim, with a loud and +suddenly angry surprize, 'By G---- that is he!' + +I was at some little distance. I heard the steps of a man running +speedily toward me. I turned round. He looked me full in the face; +and, with no less eagerness, repeated--'Yes! D--mn me if it is not! +Dick! Will! Come here! Run!' + +I stood fixed. I did not recollect ever to have seen the exact +figure before me; but I had a strong and instantaneously a painful +impression, of the same form in a different garb. It was the man whom +I had accused, the day before, of picking my pocket: the poor fellow +who had been so unmercifully ducked, and ill treated, by the mob. + +His impatience of revenge was furious. Without uttering another word, +he made a desperate blow at me. I was unprepared; and it brought me to +the ground. His foot was up, to second it with as violent a kick; but, +fortunately, the generous spirit of my opponent and the laws of mob +honour were mutually my shield. He recollected the cowardice as well +as the opprobrium of kicking a combatant, when down; and, in the tone +of rage, commanded me to get up. + +I was not slow in obeying the mandate; nor he in repeating the +assault. I warded several of his blows, which were dealt with too much +thoughtless fury to be dangerous; but again and again called on him to +stop, for a moment, and hear me. I felt I had been the cause of much +mischief to the man; and had no alacrity to increase the wrong. My +behaviour was not that of fear; and his companions at length got +between us, and for a moment prevented the battle. + +We were at the bottom of the hill: the beginning of the fray had been +seen, and the crowd was collecting in every direction. The beaus +descended from the crescent; and left the belles to view us through +their opera-glasses, and pocket-telescopes, while they came to collect +more circumstantial information. The Mowbray family had just arrived +at this public _promenade_. Hector and tall Andrews joined the mob: +the aunt and Olivia remained on the walk. + +The story of the false accusation, the ducking, and the injuries +done to my antagonist, ran, varied and mangled, from mouth to mouth: +a general sensation of rage was excited against me; and Hector and +Andrews very charitably gave it every assistance in their power. +Not satisfied with this, they proposed the _Lex Talionis_; and +called--'Duck him!' 'Duck him!' They took care, however, to turn their +backs; imagining that, amid the hubbub, I should not distinguish their +voices. + +My antagonist, though but a journeyman carpenter, had too much of the +hero in him to admit of this mean revenge. His anger could only be +appeased by chastising me with his own arm; and proving to me, as well +as to the crowd, how unworthy he was of that contemptible character +which my accusation had endeavoured to fix upon him. He was therefore +determined to oblige me to fight. + +I never remember to have felt greater repugnance, than I now had, to +defend myself, by committing more hurt and injury upon this indignant, +but brave, fellow. I tried to expostulate, nay to intreat, but in +vain: my remonstrances were construed into cowardice, and fight I +must, or suffer such disgrace as my tyro-philosophy was ill calculated +to endure. + +My antagonist was stripped in form; and, as the diversion of a battle +is what an English mob will never willingly forego, I found partisans; +who determined to see fair play, encouraged, instructed me, clapped +me on the back, and, partly by intreaty partly by violence, stripped +off my coat. They were vexed at my obstinate refusal to part with my +waistcoat and shirt. + +With their usual activity, they soon made a ring; and I stood +undetermined, and excessively reluctant; not very willing to receive, +but infinitely averse to return the blows he now once more began to +deal! + +The carpenter was an athletic and powerful man; famous for the battles +he had fought, and the victories he had gained. His companions, who +evidently had an affection for him, and who knew his prowess, had no +supposition that I could withstand him for five minutes: though the +hopes of those who were the most eager for the sport had been a little +raised, by the alertness with which I rose, after being at first +knocked down, and the skill with which I then stood on my defence. + +The doubts that pervaded my mind imparted, I suppose, something of +that appearance to my countenance which is occasioned by fear; for my +adversary approached me with looks of contempt; and, as I retreated, +bade me stand forward and face him like a man. The crowd behind +seconded him; and, fearing it should be a run-away victory, was rather +willing to press upon and push me forward than to recede, and give +me any play. Hector and Andrews were all the while very active, as +instigators. + +My indecision occasioned me to receive several severe blows, without +returning one; till, at length, I was again extended on the ground, by +a very desperate blow near the ear; which, for a few seconds, deprived +me of all sense and recollection. + +This was no longer to be endured. As soon as I recovered, I sprang on +my feet, condescended to strip, and became in turn the assailant. The +joy and vociferation of the mob were immense. They thought it had been +all over; and to see me now rise, stand forward, and fight, as I did, +with so much determination and effect, was, to them, rapture. They +had discovered a hero. Their education had taught them, for such is +education, that the man who has the power to endure and to inflict the +most misery is the most admirable. + +For six successive rounds, I had completely the advantage; during +which my brave foe had received five knock-down blows: for that is the +phrase. His companions and friends were astonished. The beau pugilists +were vociferating their bets; five pounds to a crown in my favour. + +The carpenter was as hardy as he was courageous. He collected himself; +I had become less circumspect, and he threw in another dangerous blow +near my temple, with the left hand, that again felled me insensible to +the earth. + +I now recovered more slowly, and less effectually. I had been severely +breathed, by the violence of exertion. The laws of pugilistic war will +not suffer a man to lie, after being knocked down, more than a certain +number of seconds. Hector had his stop-watch in his hand; and tall +Andrews joined him, to enforce the rule in all its rigour. I was +lifted on my feet before I had perfectly recovered my recollection; +and was again knocked down, though with less injury. While down, I +received a kick in the side; of which my partisans instantly accused +Andrews. + +Meaning to do me mischief, he did me a favour. The wrangling that took +place gave me time to recover; and being again brought in face of +my opponent, I once more proposed a reconciliation; and, stretching +out my arm, asked him to shake hands. But, no. The ducking was too +bitterly remembered. 'He would beat me; or never go alive from the +ground.' + +For a moment, the generous thought of acknowledging myself vanquished +suggested itself: but rising vanity, and false shame, spurned at the +proposal, therefore, since he was so desperate, I had no resource but +in being equally savage. Accordingly, I bent my whole powers to this +detestable purpose, brought him twice more to the ground, and, on the +third assault, gave him a blow that verified his own prediction; for +he fell dead at my feet, and was taken up lifeless from the place. + +Agony to agony! Vice to vice! Such was my fate! Where, when, how, was +it to have an end? Were not my own personal sufferings sufficient? +Accuse an innocent man of theft; deliver him over to the fury of a +mob; and, not contented with that, meet him again to fight, beat, +murder him! And without malice; without evil intention! Nay, with the +very reverse: abhorring the mischief I had done him; and admiring the +intrepidity and fortitude he had displayed! + +Nor did it end here: the intelligence that was instantly sent round +was horror indeed. He had left a wife and seven children! + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +_The kind behaviour of old friends: A joyful recovery: More +misfortunes: Patience per force_ + + +Never were sensations more truly tragical than mine: yet, as is +frequent, they had a dash of the ridiculous; which resulted from the +machinations of my good friends, Hector and Andrews. To inspire others +with the contempt in which they held, or rather endeavoured to hold, +me, and to revenge the insults which they supposed themselves to have +received from me, were their incentives. They knew I had been stripped +of my money at the gaming-table: they mingled with the partisans of +the carpenter; and, informing them that I was a pretended gentleman, +advised them to have me taken before a magistrate; for that the law +would at least make me provide for the widow and children. Perhaps it +would hang me: as I deserved. They farther proposed a subscription, to +begin with me; and accordingly they came up to me, as by deputation, +with the murdered man's hat. + +The mortification they intended me had its full effect. I was +pennyless; and the epithets which generous souls like these +appropriate, to such upstart intruders upon their rights and +privileges as myself, were muttered with as much insolence as they had +the courage to assume. + +I was not yet tamed. I could not endure this baiting. I hated, +almost abhorred, Andrews. He dared to pretend love to Olivia: he had +brought me into disgrace with her; nay was soon to rob me of her +everlastingly; and, recollecting the kick he had bestowed upon me when +down, I called him a scoundrel; and accompanied the coarse expression +with a blow. + +In a moment, the mob were again in agitation, expected another battle, +admired my hardy valour, and called for a ring. Andrews knew better: +he saved them the trouble; and shuffled away; followed though scouted +even by Hector himself, for his cowardice. Mowbray remembered the +battle of the rats; and, by comparison, found himself a very hero. + +The moment I was permitted, I enquired to what place the poor +carpenter had been taken; and followed with infinite terror, but with +a faint degree of hope; some affirming that he was dead, others that +he was not. I was attended by several of my admirers. + +It would be vain to attempt any picture of what my feelings were, +when, coming into his dwelling, I found him alive! sitting surrounded +by his wife, children, and companions! I fell on my knees to him. I +owned all the mischief I had done him. I conjured him, for God's sake, +to forgive me. I was half frantic; and the worthy fellow, in the same +free spirit with which he had fought, stretched out his hand, in token +of his forgiveness and friendship. + +His unaffected magnanimity prompted me instantly to execute a design +which I had before formed. 'Stay where you are, my good friends,' +said I, to the people that stood round him. 'I will be back in a few +minutes. The little reparation that I can make I will make: to shew +you that it was from error, and not ill intention, that I have done +this brave man so much injury.' + +So saying, I ran out of the house, directed my course to my lodgings, +and hastened to my trunk; to take out the ten-pound note, which I had +reserved to pay my Bath debts. My passions were too much in a hurry to +admit of any enquiry how these debts were to be paid, when I should +have given the bank-note to the carpenter. I was determined not to +enquire; but to appease my feelings, rescue my character, and bestow +it on him. + +Where were my troubles to end? The persecuting malice of fortune was +intolerable. Philip, the footman whom I had hired, but scarcely ever +employed, had disappeared: having previously broken open my trunk, and +taken, with the ten pounds, such of my linen and effects as he could +carry under his cloaths, and in his pockets, without being seen. + +This was a stroke little less painful than the worst of the accidents +that had befallen me: yet, so harassed was my mind, and so wearied +with grieving, that I did not feel it with half the poignancy. + +Act however I must. But how? I had left the carpenter and his family +in suspense. Must I talk of favours which I could not confer? or +mention remuneration that would but seem like mockery? This was +painful: but not so painful as falsehood. + +I therefore returned, related the story of the robbery, and added +that 'my intentions were to have endeavoured to afford some small +recompence, for the unintentional injury I had committed. I was sorry +that, at present, this accident had deprived me of the power: but I +hoped I should not always be so very destitute. I certainly should +neither forget the debt I had incurred, nor the noble behaviour of +the man who had suffered so much from me. At present I was very +unfortunate: but, if ever I should become more prosperous, I should +remember my obligation, and in what manner it would become me to see +it discharged.' + +I was heard with patience, and with no disappointment. My auditors, +though poor, were far from selfish. Beside, as I had not previously +declared what I had intended, I had excited little expectation. My +vanquished opponent, whose name was Clarke, was soothed by the justice +I did him, in defending his innocence and praising his courage; and +said 'I had given him the satisfaction of a man, and that was all he +asked.' He rather sympathized with my loss than felt a loss of his +own; and gave various indications of a generous spirit, such as is +seldom to be found among persons who would think themselves highly +disgraced by any comparison between them and a poor carpenter. I own I +quitted him with a degree of esteem, such as neither the lord nor the +bishop I had once been so willing, or rather so industrious, to revere +had the good fortune to inspire. + +Having said every thing I could recollect, to remove the doubts which +the whole transaction might have excited against me, I was eager to +return to my lodging, and consider what was best to be done. + +The probability of tracing my footman and recovering the bank note, +a considerable portion of which by the bye was due to him for wages, +suggested itself. I recollected that when I rose, after my two hours +sleep, he had brought the breakfast; and had manifested some tokens +of anxiety, at perceiving the perturbation of my mind. I had hastily +devoured the bread and butter that was on the table, and drank a +single bason of tea; after which he enquired as I went out, when I +should be back? And I had answered, in a wild manner, 'I did not know. +Perhaps never.' + +From the degree of interest that he had shewn, the robbery appeared +the more strange; and the remembrance of his enquiring and +compassionate looks made me the less eager to pursue, and have him +hanged: though, at that time, I considered hanging as a very excellent +thing. + +Beside, I had not the means of pursuit: I had no money. He had +probably taken the London road; and, profiting by the first +stage-coach that passed, was now beyond my reach. + +But how was I to act? How discharge my debts? What was to become of +me? I could find no solution to these difficulties. I was oppressed +by them. I was wearied by the excess of action on my body, as well as +mind. I sunk down on the bed, without undressing or covering myself, +and fell into a profound sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +_A fever: Bad men have good qualities: More proofs of compassion: A +scandalous tale does not lose in telling: Farewell to Bath_ + + +The emptiness of my stomach (for I had eaten nothing except the +bread and butter I mentioned, since the preceding day at dinner) the +heats into which my violent exertions had thrown me, and the sudden +reverse of cold to which my motionless sleep subjected me, produced +consequences that might easily have been foreseen: I awoke, in the +dead of the might, and found myself seized with shivering fits, my +teeth chattering, a sickness at my stomach, my head intolerably heavy, +and my temples bruised with the blows I had received, and having a +sensation as if they were ready to burst. To all this was added the +stiffness that pervaded the muscles of my arms, and body, from the +bruises, falls, and battering they had received. + +It was with difficulty I could undress myself, and get into bed; +where, after I had lain shaking with increasing violence I know not +how long, my agueish sensations left me; and were changed into all the +soreness, pains, and burning, that denote a violent fever. + +During this paroxysm, I felt consolation from its excess; which +persuaded me that I was now on my death bed. I remembered all the +wrongs, which I conceived myself to have suffered, with a sort of +misanthropical delight; arising from the persuasion that, in my loss, +the world would be punished for the vileness of its injustice toward +me. Perhaps every human being conceives that, when he is gone, there +will be a chasm, which no other mortal can supply; and I am not +certain that he does not conceive truly. Young men of active and +impetuous talents have this persuasion in a very forcible degree. + +All that I can remember of this fit of sickness, till the violence and +danger of it were over, is, that the people of the house came to me +in the morning, I knew not at what hour, and made some enquiries. A +delirium succeeded; which was so violent that, at the beginning of my +convalescence, I had absolutely lost my memory; and could not without +effort recollect where I was, how I had come there, or what had +befallen me. The first objects that forcibly arrested my attention, +and excited memory, were the honest carpenter, Clarke, and his wife +sitting by my bedside, and endeavouring to console me. + +The particulars which I afterward learned were, that Belmont had come, +the first day of my illness; had seen me delirious; had heard the +account of my having been robbed, and had left a twenty-pound note for +my immediate necessities. + +So true is it that the licentious, the depraved, and the unprincipled +are susceptible of virtue; and desirous of communicating happiness. +The most ignorant only are the most inveterately brutal: but nothing +less than idiotism, or madness, can absolutely deprive man of his +propensity to do good. + +I was further informed that a sealed paper, addressed to Mr. Trevor, +had been received, and opened in the presence of the physician, +containing another twenty-pound bank-bill; but the paper that inclosed +it was blank: and that Clarke, unable to go immediately to work, and +reflecting on what he had heard from me concerning the destitute state +in which I, a stranger in Bath, was left by the robbery of my servant, +had walked out the next day, had come with fear and diffidence to +enquire after me, and that, finding me in a high fever, his wife had +been my first nurse. + +Her own large family indeed prevented her from watching and continuing +always with me; and therefore another attendant was obliged to be +hired: but she was by my bed side the greatest part of every day; and +her husband the same till he was again able to work; after which he +never failed to come in the evening. + +He was a generous fellow. I had won his heart, by my desire to do him +justice; and my condescension excited a degree of adoration in him, +when he found that I was really what the world calls a gentleman. He +had visited me before Belmont had left the money; and, hearing the +landlady talk of sending me to the hospital, had proposed to take me +to his home; that he and his wife might do a Christian part by me, and +I not be left to the mercy of strangers. + +And here, as they are intimately connected with my own history, it is +necessary I should mention such particulars as I have since learned, +concerning Olivia. + +Hector and Andrews had been busy, in collecting all the particulars +they could, relating to me, from the mob; among whom the strangest +rumours ran: of which these my fast friends were predisposed to select +the most unfavourable, and to believe and report them as true. All +of these they carried to Olivia, and her aunt; and the chief of them +were, that I had falsely accused a man of theft, had seized him by the +collar, dragged him to the water, and had been the principal person +in ducking him to death. The brother of this man had discovered who I +was; and had followed me, with his comrades, to have me taken before a +magistrate: but I had artfully talked to the people round me, had got +a part of the mob on my side, and had then begun to beat and ill use +the brother. They added that I had stripped like a common bruiser, +of which character I was ambitious; that the brother had fought with +uncommon bravery; that he had been treated with foul play, by me and +my abettors; and that, in conclusion, I had killed him: that, in +addition to this, I had prevented a subscription, for the widow and +_nine_ young children, which had been proposed by them; that I had +insulted them, struck at Andrews, and challenged him to box with me, +for this their charitable endeavour to relieve the widow and her +children; and that, having lost my last guinea at the gaming table the +night before in their presence, I should probably run away from my +lodgings, or perhaps turn highwayman; for which they thought me quite +desperate enough. + +It may well be imagined what effect a story like this would produce, +on the mind of Olivia: corroborated as it was, though not proved in +every incident, by the circumstances which she herself had witnessed +from the crescent, by those which she gathered on enquiry from other +people, by her own experience of my rash impetuosity, and these all +heightened by the conjectures of an active imagination, and a heart +not wholly uninterested. She hoped indeed that I had not actually +killed two men: but she had the most dreadful doubts. + +The impression it made upon her did not escape the penetration of the +aunt; and she determined to quit Bath, and take Olivia with her, the +very next day. Terrified by the possibility that the predictions of +Hector and Andrews should be fulfilled, Olivia ventured secretly to +instruct her maid to search the book in the pump room, and find my +address, and afterward to send her with the twenty-pound bank-bill: +hoping that this temporary resource might have some small chance of +preventing the fatal consequences which she feared. + +Had they returned to London, by the aid of Miss Wilmot and Mary, she +might have made further enquiries: but the cautious aunt directed her +course to Scarborough. + +I was excessively reduced by the fever. According to the physician +and apothecary, my life had been in extreme danger; and eight weeks +elapsed before I was able to quit Bath. The expences I had incurred +amounted to between eight and nine and twenty pounds. I was fully +determined to bestow the ten pounds I had originally intended on +Clarke. Thus, after distributing such small gifts among the servants +as custom and my notion of the manners of a gentleman demanded, the +only choice I had was, either to sell my cloaths, or, with four and +sixpence in my pocket, to undertake a journey to London on foot. + +I preferred the latter, sent my trunk to the waggon, returned for +the last time to my lodging, inclosed a ten pound note in a letter, +in which I expressed my sense of the worth of Clarke, and my sorrow +for the evil I had done him, and, sending it by the maid-servant, I +followed, and watched her to his dwelling. + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +_The pain of parting: The prospect before me: Poor men have their +affections and friendships_ + + +During my recovery, I had conversed freely on my own affairs, with +Clarke and his wife. They gradually became acquainted with my whole +history; and discovered so much interest in the pictures I drew, +and entered so sympathetically and with such unaffected marks of +passion into all my feelings, that I found not only great ease but +considerable delight, in narrating my fears, hopes, and mishaps. + +Clarke had a strong understanding; and was not entirely illiterate. +His wife was active, cleanly, and kind. Their children were managed +with great good sense: the three eldest were put out, two to service, +and the other an apprentice; and, large as their family was, they had, +by labour and economy, advanced a considerable step from the extreme +poverty to which such persons are too often subject. + +When I went to take leave of them, I could perceive, not only that +they were both very much affected, but that Clarke had something +more on his imagination. He had a great respect for my gentility, +and learning; and was always afraid of being too familiar. At some +moments, he felt as it were the insolence of having fought with me: +at others a gleam of exultation broke forth, at his having had that +honour. He had several times expressed an earnest wish that he might +be so happy as to see me again; and, when I assured him that he should +hear from me, his feelings were partly doubt, and partly strong +delight. + +Just as I was prepared to bid them farewell, he gave a deep sigh; and +said 'he thought he should soon come to London. He wished he knew +where I might be found, and, if he should leave the country, it would +be a great favour done him if he might but be allowed to come and ask +me how I did. If I would allow him that honour, it would make his +heart very light. He had been many years in his present employ; and +perhaps his master would be sorry, if he were to leave him; but he had +given him fair notice. At one time, he did not believe he ever should +have left him; but he thought now he should be much happier in +London.' + +His tone was serious, there was a dejectedness in his manner, and +with it, as was evident, much smothered emotion in his heart. I was +affected; and taking his hand, earnestly assured him that, if ever +fortune should smile on me, I would not forget what had happened +at Bath. His parting reply was, 'God be with you, wherever you go! +Perhaps you may see me again sooner than you think for.' + +This was the temper in which we took leave, previous to my sending the +maid with the ten-pound note: and, as I passed within sight of his +door, I felt the regret of quitting a human being whose attachment +to me was manifestly so strong and affectionate. But I had no +alternative; and I pursued my road. + +Winter was advancing: the weather was rainy: the roads were heavy. The +cloudy sky sympathised with the gloom of the prospect before me. I +had wasted my patrimony, quarrelled with my protectors, renounced the +university, had no profession, no immediate resource, and had myself +and my mother to provide for: by what means I knew not. + +The experience of Wilmot seemed to prove how precarious a subsistence +the labours of literature afford; and Wilmot was indisputably a man of +genius. + +I had not quite concluded against the morality of the practice of +the law: but I remembered, in part, the objections of Turl; and they +were staggering. Had it been otherwise, where would have been the +advantage? I had entered of the Temple: but I had neither the means +of keeping my terms nor the patience to look forward, for precarious +wealth and fame, to so distant a period. + +All this might have been endured: but Olivia?--Where was +she?--Perhaps, at that moment, the wife of Andrews!--Or if not, grant +she were never to be his, she never could be mine. Yet mine she must +be! Mine she should be! I would brave the despotism of her odious +enslavers! I would move heaven and earth! I would defy hell itself to +separate us! + +Such were the continual conflicts to which I was subject: and, while +the fogs of despondency rose thick and murky around me, with them +continually rose the _ignis fatuus_ of hope; dancing before my eyes, +and encouraging me step after step to follow on. + +Considering how wild and extravagant the desires of youth are, it is +happy for them that they calculate so ill; and are so short-sighted. +Their despair would else be frequently fatal. + +I did not forget, as a supposed immediate means of relief, that my +pamphlet against the Earl and the Bishop was printed; and I thought +the revenge more than justifiable: it was a necessary vindication of +my own honour and claims. I was indeed forty pounds in debt: twenty +to Belmont; and twenty more to I knew not whom: though I suspected, +and partly hoped partly feared, it was Olivia. I hoped it, because it +might be affection. I feared it, lest it should be nothing more than +pity; for one whom she had known in her childhood, but whom, now he +was a man, she might compassionate; but must contemn. To have been +obliged even to Olivia, on these terms, was worse than starving. Such +were my meditations through the day; which was a little advanced when +I left Bath. + +I was eager to perform my journey, and had walked at a great rate. A +little before twilight, I heard a distant call, two or three times +repeated. At last, I turned round, saw a hat waving, and heard my own +name. + +I stopped; and the person approached. It was Clarke. I was surprised; +and enquired the reason of his following me. He was embarrassed; and +began with requesting I would go a little slower, for he had run and +walked till he was half tired, and he would tell me. + +Clarke was an untaught orator. He had very strong feelings; and a +clear head; which are the two grand sources of eloquence. 'You know,' +said he, 'how much mischief I have done you; for it cannot be denied. +I struck you first, and knocked you down when you _was_ off your +guard. I set every body against you. I refused to shake hands with +you, over and over, when you had the goodness to offer to forgive me. +And, last of all, you may thank me for the fever; which brought you +to death's door. You forgave me this, as well as the rest. But that +was not all. That would not content you. Because I had been used ill, +without any malice of yours, nothing would satisfy you but to strip +yourself of the little _modicum_ that you had, and give it to me. So +that, I am sure, you have hardly a shilling to take you up to London. +And, when you are there, you are not so well off as I am: you have no +trade. I can turn my hand to twenty things: you have never been used +to hard work; and how you are to live God Almighty knows! For I am +sure I cannot find out; though I have been thinking of nothing else +for weeks and weeks past.' + +'Why should you suppose I have no money?' + +'Because I am sure of it. I asked and found out all that you had to +pay. The servants too told me how open-hearted you _was_; so that you +had given away all you had. Shame on 'em for taking it, say I! You are +not fit to live in this world! And then to send me ten pounds, who +have a house and home, and hands to work! But I'll be damned if I keep +it!' + +'Nay but, indeed you must.' + +'I will not! I will not! I would not forswear myself for all the money +in the world! And I have sworn it, again and again. So take it! Nay, +here, take it!--If you don't, I'll throw it down in the road; and let +the first that comes find it; for I'll not forswear myself. So pray +now, I beg, for God's sake, you will take it!' + +I found it was in vain to contend with him: he was too determined, and +had taken this oath in the simplicity of his heart, that it might not +be possible for him to recede. I therefore accepted the money: but I +endeavoured, having received it to satisfy his oath, to persuade him +to take a part of it back again. My efforts were fruitless. 'He had +three half crowns,' he told me, 'in his pocket; which would serve his +turn, till he could get more: and he had left five guineas at home; so +that there was no fear his wife and children should want.' + +Happy, enviable, state of independance! When a man and his wife and +family, possessed of five guineas, are so wealthy that they are in no +fear of want! + +Having complied, because I found, though I could equal him in bodily +activity, I could not vanquish him in generosity, I requested him +to return to the place we just had passed through, and take up his +lodging. + +He replied, 'To be sure he was a little tired; for he had set out a +good hour after me, and I had come at a rare rate. Not but that he +could keep his ground, though I was so good a footman; but that it did +not become him to make himself my companion.' + +'Companion!' said I. 'Why are not you going back to Bath?' + +'No: I have taken my leave of it. I shall go and set up my rest in +London. I have not been sharking to my master. I thought of it some +time since, and gave him fair notice; and more than that, I got him +another man in my room; which is all he could demand: and I hope he +will serve him as honestly as I have done.' + +'What, would you forsake your wife and children?' + +'Forsake my wife and children!' + +[There was a mixed emotion of indignant sorrow and surprize in his +countenance.] + +'I did not think, Mr. Trevor, you could have believed me to be such a +base villain.' + +'I do not believe it! I never could believe it! I spoke thoughtlessly. +I saw you were too happy together for that to be possible.' + +'Forsake my dear Sally, and our Bill, and Bet, and ----? No! I'd +sooner take up my axe and chop off my hand! There is not another man +in England has such a wife! I have seen bad ones enough; and, for the +matter of that, bad husbands too. But that's nothing. If you will do +me the favour, I should take it kind of you to let me walk with you, +and keep you company, now night is coming on, to the next town; and +then you may take some rest, and wait for the stage in the morning. +I shall make my way; and find you out, I suppose, fast enough in +London.' + +'Are you then determined to go to town?' + +'Yes: it is all settled. I told Sally; and she did cry a little to be +sure: but she was soon satisfied. She knows me; and I never in my life +found her piggish. God be her holy keeper!' + +'Why then, come along. We'll go together. If I ride, you shall ride: +if you walk, so will I.' + +'Will you? God bless you! You know how to win a man's heart! There is +not so good or so brave a fellow, I mean gentleman, upon the face of +the earth, damn me if there is! I beg your pardon! Indeed I do! But +you force it out of one! One can't remember to keep one's distance, +with you. However, I will try to be more becoming.' + +The manner of Clarke was more impressive than his words: though they, +generally speaking, were not unapt. + +We pursued our way together, mutually gratified by what had passed. +Perhaps there is no sensation that so cheers, and sooths the soul, as +the knowledge that there are other human beings, whose happiness seems +knitted and bound up with our own; willing to share our fate, receive +our favours, and, whenever occasion offers, to return them ten fold! +And the pleasure is infinitely increased, when those who are ambitious +of being beloved by us seem to feel, and acknowledge, that we have +more amply the power of conferring than even of receiving happiness. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +_A foolish guide, and a gloomy night: The fears and dangers of +darkness: Casual lights lead to error, and mishap_ + + +While we had been discussing the above points, we had sat down; and +rose to pursue our journey, as soon as we had brought them to a +conclusion. We were on the borders of a forest. As we proceeded, we +came up with a countryman; who, enquiring where we were going, told us +that, by striking a little out of the road, we might save half a mile. +We had nine miles to travel, to the inn at which the stage coaches +stopped; and were very willing, Clarke especially, to shorten the +way. The countryman said he was going part of the road; and that the +remainder was so plain it could not be mistaken. Accordingly, we put +ourselves under his guidance. + +The sun had been down, by this time, nearly an hour and a half. The +moon gave some light; but the wind was rising, she was continually +obscured by thick swift-flying clouds, and our conductor advised us to +push on, for it was likely to be a very bad night. + +In less than a quarter of an hour his prophecy began to be fulfilled. +The rain fell, and at intervals the opposing clouds and currents of +air, aided by the impediments of hills and trees, gave us a full +variety of that whistling, roaring, and howling, which is heard in +high winds. + +The darkness thickened upon us, and I was about to request the +countryman to lead us to some village, or even barn, for shelter, when +he suddenly struck into another path; and, bidding us good night, +again told us 'we could not miss our road.' We could not see where he +was gone to; and, though we repeatedly called, we called in vain: he +was too anxious to get shelter himself to heed our anxiety, and was +soon out of hearing. + +So long as we could discern, the path we were in appeared to be +tolerably beaten: but we now could no longer trace any path; for +it was too dark for the ground to have any distinct colour. We had +skirted the forest; and our only remaining guide was a hedge on our +left. + +In this hedge we placed our hopes. We followed its direction, I know +not how long, till it suddenly turned off, at an angle; and we found +ourselves, as far as we could conjecture, from the intervening lights +and the strenuous efforts we made to discover the objects around us, +on the edge of some wild place, probably a heath, with hills, and +consequently deep vallies, perhaps streams of water, and precipices. + +We paused; we knelt down, examined with our eyes, and felt about with +our hands, to discover whether we yet were in a path; but could find +none. + +We continued our consultation, till we had begun to think it advisable +to return, once more guided by the hedge. Yet this was not only +very uncertain, but the idea of a retrograde motion was by no means +pleasant. + +While we were in this irresolute dilemma, we thought we saw a light; +that glimmered for a moment, and as suddenly disappeared. We watched, +I know not how long, and again saw it twinkle, though, as we thought, +in something of a different direction. Clarke said it was a Will o'the +whisp. I replied, it might be one, but, as it seemed the only chance +we had, my advice was to continue our walk in that direction; in hopes +that, if it were a light proceeding from any house or village, it +would become more visible as we approached. + +We walked on, I know not how far; and then paused; but discovered no +more of the light. We walked again; again stood still, and looked on +every side of us, either for the light or any other object; but we +could see nothing distinctly. The obscure forms around us had varied +their appearance; and whether they were hills, or clouds, or what +they were, we could not possibly discover: though the first we still +thought was the most probable. + +By this time, we had no certain recollection of which way we had come; +or to what point we were directing our course. We were continually in +doubt: now pausing; now conjecturing; now proceeding. + +We continued to wander, we knew not whither. Sometimes it appeared +we went up hill; and sometimes down. We had stepped very cautiously, +and therefore very slowly; had warned each other continually to be +careful; and had not dared to take twenty steps at a time, without +mutually enquiring to know if all were safe. + +We continued, environed as it were by the objects that most powerfully +inspire fear; by the darkness of night, the tumult of the elements, +the utter ignorance of where we were or by what objects surrounded, +and the dejectedness which our situation inspired. Thieves and +assassins might be at our back, and we could not hear them: gulphs, +rocks, or rivers, in our front, or on either side, and we could +not see them. The next step might plunge us, headlong, we knew not +whither. + +These fears were not all imaginary. Finding the ground very uneven on +a sudden, and stumbling dangerously myself, I stood still--I did not +hear my companion!--I called--I received no answer! I repeated, in a +louder tone, 'Clarke! Where are you?'--Still no answer! + +I then shouted, with all the fear that I felt, and heard a faint +response, that seemed to be beneath me, and at a prodigious distance. +It terrified; yet it relieved. We had spoken not three minutes before. +I stood silent, in hopes he would speak again: but my fears were too +violent to remain so long. I once more called; and he replied, with +rather a louder voice which lessened the apparent distance, 'Take +care! You'll dash yourself to pieces!' + +'Are you hurt?' said I. + +'I hope not much,' returned he. 'For God's sake take care of +yourself!' + +'Can you walk?' + +'I shall be able presently, I believe.' + +'How can I get to you?' + +'I don't know.' + +'Stay where you are, and I will try.' + +'For God in heaven's sake don't! You'll certainly break your neck! I +suppose I am in a chalk pit, or at the bottom of a steep crag.' + +'I will crawl to you on my hands and knees.' + +'Good God! You will surely kill yourself!' + +'Nothing can be more dangerous than to lie here on the wet ground. We +must only take care to keep within hearing of each other.' + +While I spoke, I began to put my crawling expedient in practice; still +calling to Clarke, every half minute, and endeavouring to proceed in +the direction of his voice. + +I found the rough impediments around me increase; till, presently, I +came to one that was ruder than the rest. I crawled upon it, sustained +by my knees and right hand, and stretching forward with my left. I +groped, but felt nothing. I cautiously laid my belly to the ground and +stretched out my other arm. Still it was vacancy. I stretched a little +more violently; feeling forward, and on each side; and I seemed to be +projected upon a point, my head and shoulders inclining over a dark +abyss, which the imagination left unfathomable. + +I own I felt terror; and the sensation certainly was not lessened, +when, making an attempt to recover my position and go back, my support +began to give way. My effort to retreat was as violent as my terror: +but it was too late. The ground shook, loosened, and, with the +struggle I made carrying me with it, toppled headlong down. What the +height that I fell was I have no means of ascertaining; for the heath +on which we were wandering abounds with quarries, and precipices; but +either it was, in fact, or my fears made it prodigious. + +Had this expedient been proposed under such circumstances, as the +only probable one of bringing me and Clarke together again, who would +not have shuddered at it? Yet, though it is true I received a violent +shock, I know of no injury that it did me. As soon as I recovered my +presence of mind, I replied to Clarke; whose questions were vehement; +he having heard me fall. After mutual enquiry, we found we were both +once more upon our legs, and had escaped broken bones. Though they had +been severely shaken: Clarke's much the most violently. + +But where were we now? How should we discover? Perhaps in a stone +quarry; or lime pit. Perhaps at the edge of waters. It might be we had +fallen down only on the first bank, or ridge of a quarry; and had a +precipice ten fold more dreadful before us. + +While we were conjecturing, the stroke of a large clock, brought +whizzing in the wind, struck full upon our ear. We listened, with the +most anxious ardour. The next stroke was very, very faint: a different +current had carried it a different way: and, with all our eager +attention, we could not be certain that we heard any more. + +Yet, though we had lost much time and our progress had been +excessively tedious, it could not be two o'clock in the morning. It +might indeed very probably be twelve. + +The first stroke of the clock made us conjecture it came from some +steeple, or hall tower, at no very great distance. The second carried +our imaginations we knew not whither. We had not yet recovered courage +enough to take more steps than were necessary to come to each other; +and, while we were considering, during an intermitting pause of the +roaring of the wind, we distinctly heard a cur yelp. + +Encouraged by this, we immediately hallooed with all our might. The +wind again began to chafe, and swell, and seemed to mock at our +distress. Still we repeated our efforts, whenever the wind paused: +but, instead of voices intending to answer our calls, we heard shrill +whistlings; which certainly were produced by men. + +Could it be by good men? By any but night marauders; intent on +mischief, but disturbed and alarmed? They were signals indubitably; +for we shouted again, they were again given, and were then repeated +from another quarter: at least, if they were not, they were +miraculously imitated, by the dying away of the wind. + +In a little while, we again heard the cur yelp; and immediately +afterward a howling, which was so mingled with the blast, that we +could not tell whether it were the wind itself, the yelling of a dog, +or the agonizing cries of a human voice: but it was a dreadfully +dismal sound. We listened with perturbed and deep attention; and it +was several times repeated, with increasing uncertainty, confusion and +terror. + +What was to be done? My patience was exhausted. Danger itself could no +longer detain me; and I told Clarke I was determined to make toward +the village, or whatever the place was, from whence, dangerous and +doubtful as they were, these various sounds proceeded. + +Finding me resolute, he was very earnest to have led the way; and, +when I would not permit him, he grasped me by the hand, and told me +that, if there were pitfalls and gulphs, and if I did go down, unless +he should have strength enough to save me, we would go down together. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +_Difficulties and dangers in succession: A place of horrors its +inmates: A dialogue worthy of the place_ + + +As we were cautiously and slowly taking step by step, and, as new +conjectures crossed us, stopping to consider, we again saw a dancing +light; but more distinctly, though, as we imagined, not very near. We +repeated our calls; but, whether they were or were not heard, they +were not answered. We ventured, however, to quicken our pace; for we +continued, at intervals, to catch the light. + +Presently, we saw the light no more; and a considerable time again +elapsed, which was spent in wandering as this or that supposition +directed us; till at last, suddenly and very unexpectedly, we +perceived lines and forms, that convinced us they appertained to +some house, or mansion; and, as it appeared to us, a large one. We +approached it, examined, shouted, and endeavoured to discover which +was the entrance. But all was still, all dark, all closed. + +We continued our search on the outside; till, at length, we came to +a large gate that was open; which we entered, and proceeded to some +distance till we arrived at a door, that evidently belonged to an +out-house or detached building. It was shut; and, feeling about, +we found that the key was in the lock. We had little hesitation in +profiting by the accident. We had been shelterless too long, and the +circumstances pleaded too powerfully, for us to indulge any scruples; +and accordingly we entered. + +We had no sooner put our heads within the door but we found ourselves +assaulted with a smell, or rather stench, so intolerable as almost +to drive us back: but the fury of the elements, and perhaps the less +delicate organs of Clarke, who seemed determined to profit by the +shelter we had obtained, induced us to brave an inconvenience which, +though excessively offensive at first, became less the longer we +continued. + +Groping about, we discovered some barrels, and lumber; behind which +there was straw. Here we determined to lie down; and rest our bruised +and aching bones. Our cloaths had been drenched and dried more than +once, in the course of the night; and they were at present neither wet +nor dry. + +We had scarcely nestled together in our straw, before we again heard +the yelping of the cur, and presently afterward the same dismal +howls repeated. To these, at no great distance, succeeded the shrill +whistling signals. Our imaginations had been so highly wrought up that +they were apt at horrible conjectures; and, for my part, my own was at +that moment very busily employed in conjuring them up. + +In the very midst of this activity, we heard the voices of men, +walking round the building. They again whistled, with a piercing +shrillness; and, though we heard nothing distinctly, yet we caught +tones that were coarse, rude, and savage; and words, that denoted +anger and anxiety, for the perpetration of some dark purpose no doubt +corresponding to the fierce and threatening sounds we heard. + +They approached. One of them had a lanthorn. He came up to the door; +and, finding it open, boisterously shut it; with a broad and bitter +curse against the carelessness of some man, whose name he pronounced, +for leaving it open; and eternally damning others, for being so long +in doing their business. + +We were now locked in; and we soon heard no more of the voices. + +In spite of all these alarms, the moment they ceased our condition, +comparing it with the tempest and difficulties without, seemed to be +much bettered; and we once more prepared ourselves for sleep, while +fear gave place to fatigue. + +Our rest was of short duration. We began indeed to slumber; but I +was presently disturbed by Clarke, whom I found shaking in the most +violent agitation and horror that I ever witnessed in any human being. + +I asked 'What is the matter?' + +He replied with a groan! + +I was awakened from wild slumbers of my own, and strongly partook of +his sensations; but endeavoured however to rouze him to speech, and +recollection. Again and again I asked 'What have you heard? What ails +you?' + +It was long before he could utter an articulate sound. At last, +shaking more violently as he spoke, and with inexpressible horror in +his voice, he gasping said--'A dead hand!'-- + +'Where?'-- + +'I felt it!--I had hold of it!--It is now at my neck.' + +For a moment I paused: not daring to stretch out my arm, and examine. +I trembled in sympathy with him. At length I ventured. + +Never shall I forget the sensation I experienced, when, to my full +conviction, I actually felt a cold, dead, hand, between my fingers! + +I was suffocated with horror! I struggled to overcome it: again it +seized me; and I sunk half entranced! + +At this very instant, the shrill sound of the whistle rung, piercing, +through the dismal place in which we were imprisoned. It was answered. +The same hoarse voices once more were heard: but in tones fifty fold +more dire. + +One terror combated the other, and we were recalled to some sense +of distinguishing and understanding. We lay silent, not daring to +breathe, when we heard the door unlock. Our feelings will not readily +be conceived, while the following dialogue passed. 'What a damned +while you have kept us waiting, such a night as this!' + +'What ails the night? It is a special good night, for our trade.' + +'What the devil have you been about?' + +'About? Doing our business, to be sure: and doing it to some purpose, +I tell you. Is not the night as bad for us as for you? Who had the +best of it, do you think? What had you to do, but to keep on the +scout?' + +'How came you to leave the door open, and be d--mn'd to you?' + +'Who left the door open, Jack Dingyface? We left the key in it, +indeed; for such lubbers as you to pass in and out: while we had all +the work to do, and all the danger to boot.' + +'Who do you call lubber, Bull-calf? We have had as much to do as +yourselves. There has been an alarm given; for we have heard noises +and hallooing all night. For my part, I don't much like it. We shall +be smoked: nay it is my belief we are already; and I have a great mind +to decamp, and leave the country.' + +'You are always in a panic. Who is to smoke us?' + +'Well, mark my words, it will come upon us when we least think of it.' + +'Think of ----! Hold up the lanthorn. Come, heave in the sack--We were +d--mn'd fools, for taking such a hen-hearted fellow among us. Lift +the sack an end. Why don't you lend a hand, and keep it steady, while +I untie it? Do you think a dead man can stand on his legs? D--mn my +body, the fool is afraid he should bite.' + +'You are a hardened dog, Randal, bl--st me!' + +'Come, tumble the body out. Lay hold! Here! Heave this way. So: that +will do. We may leave him. He will not run away. His journey is over. +He will travel no farther, to-night. He can't say however but we have +provided him with a lodging.' + +'D--mn me, where do you expect to go to?' + +'To bed. It's high time.' + +'I never heard such a dare devil dog in all my life!' + +'Don't let that trouble you; for you will never be like me.' + +'What is that?' + +'What is what?' + +'I saw a head.' + +'Where?' + +'Behind the tub.' + +'What then? Is there any wonder in seeing a head, or a body either, in +this place?' + +'Nay, but, a living head!' + +'A living ass!' + +'I am sure, I saw the eyes move.' + +'Ah! white-livered lout! I wonder what the devil made such a quaking +pudding poltroon think of taking to our trade! Come: I am hungry: let +us go into the kitchen, and get some grub; and then to bed. Pimping +Simon, here, will see his grandmother's ghost, if we stay five minutes +longer.' + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +_The scene continued; and our terrors increased: An interesting +dialogue, that unravels the mystery: The beginning of a new +acquaintance_ + + +Here to our infinite ease they quitted us, went through an inner door +that led to the house, locked it after them, and left us, not only +with the dead hand, not only with the dead body, but in the most +dismal human slaughterhouse that murder and horror ever constructed, +or ever conceived. Such were our impressions: and such, under the same +circumstances, they would have been, perhaps, of the bravest man, or +man-killer, that ever existed. Alexander and Cæsar themselves would +have shook, lying as we lay, hearing what we heard, and seeing what we +saw: for, by the light of the lanthorn, we beheld limbs, and bones, +and human skeletons, on every side of us. I repeat: horror had nothing +to add. + +The dancing lights we had seen, the shrill signals and the dreadful +howls that we had heard, were now no longer thought mysterious. It +was no _ignis fatuus_; but the lanthorn of these assassins: no dog or +wolf, baying the moon; but the agonizing yells of murder! + +The men were four in number. The idea of attacking them several times +suggested itself. Nor was it so much overpowered by the apprehension +of the arms with which I concluded such men must be provided, as that +my mind was rendered irresolute by the dreadful pictures, real and +imaginary, which had passed through my mind. + +Clarke, brave as he was, had lost all his intrepidity in this +golgotha, this place of skulls; the very scent of which, knowing +whence it proceeded, was abhorrent. + +No: it was not their arms, nor their numbers, but these fears that +induced me, when he that saw my eyes move was in danger of giving +the alarm, to close them; and, profiting by the fellow's sympathetic +terror, counterfeit the death by which I was environed. + +Here then we were. And must we here remain? To sleep was impossible. +Must we rise and grapple with the dead; trample on their limbs, and +stumble over their unearthed bones, in endeavouring to get out? + +Neither could we tell what new horrors were in store for us. Who +had not heard of trap doors, sliding wainscots, and other murderous +contrivances? And could they be now forgotten? Impossible. All the +phantoms memory could revive, or fancy could create, were realized and +assembled. + +Of the two, I certainly had more the use of my understanding than +Clarke; but I was so absorbed, in the terrors which assailed me, +on every side, that I was intent on them only; and forgot, while +the lanthorn glimmered its partial and dull rays, to consider the +geography of the place; or to plan the means of escape, till the +moment the men were departing; when I caught a glimpse of what I +imagined to be a window facing me. + +As soon as our fears would permit us, we began, in low and cautious +whispers, to communicate our thoughts. Clarke was pertinaciously +averse to rise, and hurtle in the dark with the bones of the dead. By +the intervening medium of the straw, he had pushed away the terrific +hand; and was determined, he said, to lie still; till day-light should +return, and prevent him from treading, at random, on the horrible +objects around him; or stumbling over and being stretched upon a +corpse. + +I had as little inclination to come in contact with dead hands, +cadaverous bodies, and dissevered joints, as he could have; yet was +too violently tormented to remain quiet, and suffer myself to be +preyed on by my imagination. Had I resigned myself to it, without +endeavouring to relieve it by action, it would have driven me frantic. +I half rose, sat considering, ventured to feel round me and shrunk +back with inexpressible terror, from the first object that I touched. +Again I ruminated, again ventured to feel, and again and again +shivered with horrible apprehensions. + +Use will reconcile us to all situations. Experience corrects fear, +emboldens ignorance, and renders desire adventurous. The builder will +walk without dread on the ridge of a house: while the timid spectator +standing below is obliged to turn his eyes away, or tumble headlong +down and be dashed to pieces in imagination. Repeated trials had a +similar effect on me: they rendered me more hardy; and I proceeded, as +nearly as I could guess, toward the window; touching, treading on, and +encountering, I knew not what; subject, every moment, to new starts of +terror; and my heart now sinking, now leaping, as the sudden freaks +and frights of fancy seized upon me. + +After the departure of the desperadoes, we had heard various noises, +in the adjoining house; among others the occasional ringing of a +chamber bell. While I was thus endeavouring to explore my way, +arrested by terror at every step, as I have been describing, we again +heard sounds that approached more nearly; and presently the inner-door +once more opened, and a livery servant, bearing two lighted candles, +came in; followed by a man with an apron tied round him, having a kind +of bib up to his chin, and linen sleeves drawn over his coat. + +The master, for so he evidently was, had a meagre, wan, countenance; +and a diminutive form. The servant had evidently some trepidation. + +'Do not be afraid, Matthew,' said the master. 'You will soon be +accustomed to it; and you will then laugh at your present timidity. +Unless you conquer your fears, you will not be able to obey my +directions, in assisting me; and consequently will not be fit for your +place; and you know you cannot get such good wages in any other.' + +'I will do my best, sir,' said the servant: 'but I can't say but, for +the first time, it is a little frightful.' + +'Mere prejudice, Matthew. I am studying to gain knowledge, which will +be serviceable to mankind: and that you must perceive will be doing +good.' + +'Yes, sir.' + +'Reach me those instruments--Now, lift up the body; and turn the head +a little this way--Why do you tremble? Are you afraid of the dead?' + +'Not much, sir.' + +'Lift boldly, then.' + +'Yes, sir.' + +As the servant turned round, half stupefied with his fears, he beheld +me standing with my eyes fixed, watchful and listening with my whole +soul, for the interpretation of these enigmas. The man stared, gaped, +turned pale, and at last dropped down; overcome with his terrors. + +The master was amazed; and, perceiving which way the servant's +attention had been directed, looked round. His eye caught mine. He +stood motionless. His pale face assumed a death-like hue; and, for a +few moments, he seemed to want the power of utterance. + +Clarke had remained, astonished and confounded, a silent spectator +of the scene. But there was now light; and, though the objects of +horror were multiplied in reality, they were less numerous to the +imagination. Seeing the fear of the servant, observing his fall, and +remarking the gentle and feeble appearance of the master, armed though +he was with murderous instruments, Clarke was now rising; determined +to come to action. His proceeding disturbed our mutual amazement. +He was on his legs; and, as I perceived, advancing with hostile +intentions. + +The dialogue I had heard, and the objects which I had distinctly seen +and examined, had, by this time, unravelled the whole mystery. I +discovered that we were in the dissecting-room of an anatomist. Clarke +was clenching his fist and preparing to direct a blow at the operator; +and I had but just time to step forward, arrest his arm, and impede +its progress. 'Be quiet,' said I, 'Clarke; we have been mistaken.' + +'For God's sake, who are you, gentlemen?' said the owner of the +mansion: recovered in part from his apprehensions, by my pacific +interference. + +'We are benighted travellers, sir,' answered I; 'who got entrance into +this place by accident; and have ourselves been suffering under false, +but excessive, fear. Pray, sir, be under no alarm; for we are far from +intending you injury.' + +He made no immediate reply, and I continued. + +'Fear, I find, though she has indeed a most active fancy, has no +understanding: otherwise, among the innumerable conjectures with which +my brain has been busied within this hour, the truth would certainly +have suggested itself. But, instead of supposing I was transported to +the benignant regions of science, I thought myself certain of being in +the purlieus of the damned; in the very den of murder.' + +My language, manner, and tone of voice, relieved him from all alarm; +and he said, with a smile, 'This is a very whimsical accident.' + +'You would think so, indeed, sir,' replied I, 'if you knew but half +of the horrible images on which we have been dreaming. But it was +distress that drove us to take shelter here; and if there be any +village, or if not, even any barn, in which we could take a little +rest till daylight, we should be exceedingly obliged to you for that +kind assistance which, from your love of science, and from the remarks +I have heard you make to your servant, I am persuaded, you will be +very willing to afford.' + +By this time, the servant was recovered from his fright; and on his +legs. 'Go, Matthew,' said the master, 'and call up one of the maids.' + +And turning to me he added, 'Be kind enough to follow me, sir, with +your companion. I doubt if you could procure either lodging or +refreshment, within three miles of the place; and I shall therefore be +very happy in supplying you with both.' + + +We obeyed; I highly delighted with the benevolent and hospitable +manner of our host; and Clarke most glad to escape, from a scene which +no explanation had yet reconciled to his feelings, or notions of good +and evil. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +_A review of emotions and mistakes: Repose after fatigue: Singular +thoughts concerning property: Benevolence on a large scale. A proposal +accepted; which greatly alters the face of affairs: Sketches of war: +The hero: The raptures of a poet: Projects and opinions, relative to +law. Thoughts on the science of surgery_ + + +In the relation of this adventure, I have given a picture, not of +things as they were afterward discovered to be, but, as they appeared +to us at the time; reflected through the medium of consternation and +terror. We had been powerfully prepared for these, by the previous +circumstances. Our imaginations had been strongly preyed upon by +our distress, by the accidents of falling, and by the mingled +noises we had heard: proceeding from the church-yard robbers, from +the village-dogs and curs disturbed by them and us, and from the +whistling, roaring, and howling which are so common to high gusts +of wind; and so almost distracting to a mind already in a state of +visionary deception and alarm. There was indeed enough to excite that +wild and uncontroulable dread, which rushed upon us every moment. +Mingled as they were with darkness, ignorance, and confusion, the +succeeding objects were actually horrible. + +Thus the discourse and dialect, as well as the voices, of the men +employed to furnish dead bodies, were gross and rude; and the timidity +and prejudices of those, who probably were young in the employment, +contrasted with the jokes, vulgar sarcasms, and oaths, of the +boisterous and hardened adepts, though habitual to such people, gave +a colouring to the preceding circumstances, that so confirmed and +realized our fears as not to allow us the leisure to doubt. To repeat +such coarse colloquies and vulgar ribaldry is no pleasing task; except +as a history of the manners of such men, and of the emotions with +which on this occasion they were accompanied. These indeed made the +repetition necessary. + +It is likewise true that, in their own opinion, these men were more or +less criminal: and guilt always assumes an audacity, and fierceness, +which it does not feel. They were not intentionally acting well: +but were doing that which they supposed to be a deed of desperate +wickedness, for selfish purposes. Had the consent of any one of them +when dying been asked, to have his body dug up and dissected, he would +have heard the proposal with detestation. Consequently, they deceived +us the more effectually: for they had the manners of that guilt which, +as far as intention was concerned, they actually possessed. + +Add to this the spectacle of a dissecting-room; seen indistinctly by +the partial glimmerings of a lanthorn. Whoever has been in such a +place will recognise the picture. Here preparations of arms, pendent +in rows, with the vessels injected. There legs, feet, and other limbs. +In this place the intestines: in that membranes, cartilages, muscles, +with the bones and all their varieties of clothing, in every imaginary +mangled form. These things ought not to be terrible: but to persons of +little reflection, and not familiarized to them, they always are. + +Escaped from this scene, restored as it were to human intercourse, +and encouraged by the kindness of our host, whose name was Evelyn, +our pulses began to grow temperate; and our imaginations to relax +and gravitate toward common sense. We took the refreshment that was +brought us, and conversed during the meal with Mr. Evelyn: partly on +the incidents of the night, and partly in answering a few questions; +which he put with a feeling that denoted a desire rather to afford us +aid than to gratify his own curiosity. After which, as we were weary +and he disposed to pursue his nocturnal researches, we immediately +retired to rest. Clarke was full to overflowing with cogitation: +but, for the present, it was too large, or rather too confused, for +utterance; and it soon overpowered and sunk him into sleep. + +For my own part, my mind was too much alive to be immediately overcome +by fatigue. I lay revolving in thought the incidents of the night; +which led me into reveries on the singular character of Mr. Evelyn, on +my own forlorn state, on the bleak prospect before me, and on Olivia. + +This last train of thinking was not easily dismissed. At length, +however, both mind and body were so overwearied that I fell into an +unusually profound sleep; from which I did not awake till Clarke, who +had risen two hours before, came between nine and ten o'clock and +rouzed me, to inform me that breakfast was waiting, and that our host +expected my company. + +While I was dressing, he told me that Mr. Evelyn had been making +many enquiries concerning me; and apologized himself, with marks of +apprehension lest he should have done wrong, while he owned that he +had answered these interrogatories, by relating such particulars as he +knew. + +We then went down; and, among other conversation at breakfast, Mr. +Evelyn remarked that he understood, from Clarke, we had no urgent +business which would make a day sooner or a day later of any material +consequence; and he therefore particularly requested we would delay +our departure till the next morning. The reason he gave was a kind +expression of interest, which what he had heard from my companion had +excited; and a desire, not of inquisitive prying but evidently of +benevolence, to be as fully informed of my history as I should think +proper to make him. + +There was something soothing both in the request and in his manner, +which induced me to readily comply. Poor Clarke excepted, I seemed as +if no human being took any concern in my fate; and to discover that +there was yet a man who was capable of sympathizing with me was like +filling a painful vacancy of the heart, and afforded something of an +incoherent hope of relief. + +Not that I was prepared to ask or even to accept favours. I had rather +entertained a kind of indignant sense of injury, against any one who +should presume to make me his debtor: or to suppose I was incapable +of not rather enduring all extremities than so to subject and +degrade myself as, in my own apprehension, I should do by any such +condescension. + +After breakfast, Mr. Evelyn desired me to walk with him; that we might +converse the more freely when alone. He then repeated what Clarke +had told him, gave a strong and affecting picture of the overflowing +kindness and compassion with which my companion had related all he +knew, and proceeded afterward to speak of himself in the following +terms. + +'I am a man, Mr. Trevor, engaged in a trust which I find it very +difficult conscientiously to discharge. I have an estate of fifteen +hundred a year, and am a creature whose real wants, like those of +other human creatures, are few. I live here surrounded by some +hundreds of acres; stored with fruits, corn, and cattle; which the +laws and customs of nations call mine. But what is it that these laws +and customs mean? That I am to devour the whole produce of thus much +land? The thing is impossible!' + +'Why impossible? You may convert a hundred head of oxen into a service +of gold plate. Liveries, laces, equipage, gilding, garnishing, and +ten thousand other modes or fashionable wants, which if not gratified +render those that have them miserable, would eat up all that ten +thousand acres, if you had them, could yield. Are you an Epicure? You +may so stew, distill, and titillate your palate with essences that a +hecatomb shall be swallowed at every meal. The means of devouring are +innumerable, and justified by general usage.' + +'General usage may be an apology, but not a justification. Happiness +is the end of man: but it cannot be single. On the contrary, the more +beings are happy the greater is the individual happiness of each: for +each is a being of sympathies, and affections; which are increased by +being called into action. It is the miserable mechanism of society +which, by giving legal possession of what is called property to the +holders, puts it absolutely and unconditionally in their disposal.' + +'Why the miserable mechanism? Are you a friend to the Agrarian +system?' + +'By no means. I was incorrect: The mechanism is defective enough, but +I rather meant to have said the miserable moral system of society; +which allows every man to exercise his own caprice, and thinks him +guilty of no crime though he is in the daily habit of wasting that +which might render numbers happy, who are in absolute want.' + +'This is an evil of which the world has for ages been complaining: but +for which I see no remedy.' + +'You mean no remedy which laws or governments, by the inflicting of +pains and penalties, can afford: at which, to do them justice, they +have been much too often aiming; but have as continually failed.' + +'And you imagine, sir, you are possessed of a more effectual +prescription? + +'I dare not prescribe: it would be an arrogant assumption of wisdom. +But I may advise a regimen which has numerous probabilities in its +favour. Yet what I must advise has been so many thousand times advised +before that it seems impertinence to repeat it; if not mockery. To +tell the rich that they seek enjoyment where it is not to be found, +that the parade by which they torment themselves to gain distinction +renders them supremely ridiculous, that their follies, while they are +oppressive and hateful to the poor, are the topics of contempt and +scandal even in their own circles, and that the repetition of them +inevitably proves that they bring weariness, disgust, ruin, pain, and +every human misery, is mere common-place declamation. + +'But there is one truth of which they have not been sufficiently +reminded. They are not, as they have too long been taught to suppose +themselves, placed beyond the censure of the multitude. It is found +that the multitude can think, and have discovered that the use +the wealthy too often make of what they call their own is unjust, +tyrannical, and destructive. + +'This memento will come to them with the greater force the oftener +they are made to recollect that the spirit of enquiry is abroad, +that their voluptuous waste is daily becoming more odious, and that +simplicity of manners, a benevolent economy, a vigorous munificence, +and a comprehensive philanthropy, can alone redeem them; and preserve +that social order which every lover of the human race delights to +contemplate, but of which they arrogate to themselves the merit of +being the sole advocates. + +'It is the moral system of society that wants reform. This cannot be +suddenly produced, nor by the efforts of any individual: but it may +be progressive, and every individual may contribute: though some much +more powerfully than others. The rich, in proportion as they shall +understand this power and these duties, will become peculiarly +instrumental: for poverty, by being subjected to continual labour, is +necessarily ignorant; and it is well known how dangerous it is for +ignorance to turn reformer. + +'Let the rich therefore awake: let them encourage each other to +quit their pernicious frivolities, and to enquire, without fear or +prejudice, how they may secure tranquillity and promote happiness; +and let them thus avert those miseries at which they so loudly and so +bitterly rail, but into which by their conduct a majority of them is +so ready to plunge. + +'The intentions of those among them who think the most are excellent: +to assert the contrary is equally false and absurd. But, when they +expect to promote peace and order by irritating each other against +this or that class of men, however mistaken those men may be, and +by disseminating a mutual spirit of acrimony between themselves and +their opponents, they act like madmen; and, if they do not grow calm, +forgiving, and kind, the increasing fury of the mad many will overtake +them.' + +'They are like the brethren of Dives. They pay but little regard to +Moses and the prophets.' + +'Well, Mr. Trevor, you will own at least that, since I can talk +with all this seeming wisdom, a small share of the practice will be +becoming in me; and what you and all mankind would expect.' + +'I may: but not all mankind. There are some who pretend to be so +learned, in what they call the depravity of human nature, that, after +having heard you speak thus admirably in favour of virtue, they would +think it more than an equal chance that you are one of the wickedest +of men.' + +'Oh, with respect to that, some of my very neighbours do not scruple +to affirm that I am so. But, I repeat, I have what I consider as a +large estate in trust; and it is a serious and a sacred duty imposed +upon me to seek how it may be best employed. I seldom am satisfied +with the means which offer themselves; and am therefore always in +quest of new.' + +'I wonder at that, sir, with your system. Have you no poor in the +country?' + +'O yes: enough to grieve any penetrable heart. But I know no task +more difficult than that of administering to their wants, without +encouraging their vices. Of these wants I consider instruction as the +greatest; and to that I pay the greatest attention. Food, cloathing, +and disease are imperious necessities; and to leave them unprovided +would be guilt incredible to speculation, did we not see it in hourly +practice. But the poor are so misled, by the opinions they are taught +to hold and the oppressions to which they are subject, that, by +relieving these most urgent wants we are in danger of teaching them +idleness, drunkenness, and servility. I do them the little good that +I can, most willingly: but I consider the diffusion of knowledge, by +which that which I call the moral system of mankind is to be improved, +as the most effectual means of conferring happiness. Are you of that +opinion?' + +'I certainly am.' + +'Then I cannot but think you intend to promote this beneficial plan.' + +'I scarcely know my own intentions. They are unsettled, incoherent, +and the dreams of delirium; rather than the system of a sage, such as +you have imagined.' + +'I wish we had been longer acquainted and were intimate enough to +induce you to relate your history, and confide your thoughts to me, as +to a friend; or, if you please, as to one who holds it a duty to offer +aid, whenever he imagines it will answer a good end.' + +'To offer aid is kind: but there are very few cases in which he that +receives it is not mean and degraded. You however are actuated by +a generous spirit; and, as you are inclined to listen, I will very +willingly inform you of the chief incidents of a life that has already +been considerably checkered, and the future prospects of which are +sufficiently gloomy.' + +After this preface, I began my narrative; and succinctly related the +principal of those events with which the reader already is acquainted. +Nor did the state of my feelings and the strong sense of injury which +was ever present to my imagination, when I came to recapitulate my +adventures since I first left college, suffer me to colour with a +negligent or a feeble hand. + +Some of the incidents necessarily induced me to mention Olivia, and +betray my sentiments in part: which the questions of Mr. Evelyn, put +with kindness, delicacy, and interest that was evidently unaffected, +induced me at length wholly to reveal, with all the tenderness and the +vehemence of passion. + +I was encouraged or rather impelled to this confidence by the emotions +which Mr. Evelyn betrayed, in his countenance, voice, and manner. His +hopes, his fears, and his affections, were so much in unison with my +own, his eye so often glistened and his cheek so frequently glowed, +that it was impossible for the heart not to open all its recesses, and +pour out not only its complaints but its very follies. + +Of all the pleasures in which the soul of man most delights that of +sympathy is surely the chief. It can unite and mingle not only two +but ten millions of spirits as one. Could a world be spectators of +the sorrows of Lear, a world would with one consent participate in +them: so omnipotent is the power of sympathy. It is the consolation of +poverty, it is the cordial of friendship, it is the essence of love. +Pride and suspicion are its chief enemies; and they are the vices that +engender the most baneful of the miseries of man. + +Mr. Evelyn remained, after I had ended, for some time in deep +meditation; now and then casting his eyes toward me and then taking +them away, as if fearful of offending my sensibility and again falling +into thought. At length, fixing them more firmly and with an open +benignity of countenance, he thus broke silence. + +'I have been devising, my noble young friend, allow me to call you so, +by what means I should best make myself understood to you; and how +most effectually prevail on you to contribute to my happiness, and to +those great ends for which souls of ardour like yours are so highly +gifted. I have already sketched my principles, concerning the use +and abuse of property. One of those rare occasions on which it may +be excellently employed now presents itself. You are in pursuit of +science, by which a world is to be improved. To the best of my ability +I follow the same track: but I have the means, which you want. You +have too little: I have too much. It is my province, and, if you +consent, as I hope and trust you will, it will be my supreme pleasure +to supply the deficiency. I am acquainted with the delicacy of your +sentiments: but I am likewise acquainted with the expansion of your +heart, and with its power of rising superior to the false distinctions +which at present regulate society. I might assume the severe tone of +the moralist, and urge your compliance with my request as a duty: but +I would rather indulge what may perhaps be the foible of immature +virtue, and follow the affectionate impulse which binds me to you as +my friend and brother. Beside these are vibrations with which I am +persuaded your warm and kindred heart will more readily harmonize. +In youth, we willingly obey impetuous sensations: but reluctantly +listen to the slow and frigid deductions of reason, when they are +in contradiction to our habits and prejudices. I therefore repeat, +you are my friend and brother; and I conjure you, by those generous +and magnanimous feelings of which your whole life proves you are so +eminently susceptible, not to wound me by refusal. Do not consider me +as the acquaintance of a day; for, by hearing your history, I have +travelled with you through life, and seem as if I had been the inmate +of your bosom even from your years of infancy. No: far from being +strangers, we have been imbibing similar principles, similar views, +and similar affections. Our souls have communed for years, and rejoice +that the time at length is come in which that individual intercourse +for which they may most justly be said to have panted is opened. If +you object, if you hesitate, if you suspect me, you will annihilate +the purest sensations which these souls have mutually cherished: you +will wrong both yourself and me.' + +There was an emanating fervor in the look, deportment, and the very +gestures, of Mr. Evelyn that was irresistible. It surpassed his +language. It led me out of myself. It hurried me beyond the narrow +limits of prejudices and prepossessions, and transported me wherever +it pleased. I was no longer in mortal society; surrounded by +selfishness, cunning, and cowardly suspicions. He had borne me on his +wings, and seated me among the Gods; whose ministers were wisdom and +beneficence. I burst into exclamation. + +'I own it, you are my friend! you are my brother! I accept your +offers, I will receive your benefits, but I will retaliate.' + +I paused. I felt the egotism of my own thoughts, but could not subdue +the torrent. I continued inwardly to vow, with the most vehement +asseverations, that I would repay every mark of kindness he should +bestow fifty fold. The heart of man will not rest satisfied with +inferiority, and has recourse to a thousand stratagems, a thousand +deceptions, to relieve itself of any such doubts; which it entertains +with impatience, and pain. + +My own enthusiasm however was soon inclined to subside; and I became +ready to tax myself with that meanness and degradation which I had +felt, and expressed, at the beginning of the discussion. Of this +the quick penetration of Mr. Evelyn seemed to be aware; and he so +effectually counteracted these emotions that, at length, I abandoned +all thoughts of resistance; or of betraying those jealousies which +would now have appeared almost insulting, to a man who had displayed a +spirit so disinterested. + +This subject being as it were dismissed, our conversation recurred to +my present affairs, and future prospects; and, while we discoursed on +these, that which might well at this period be called the malady of my +mind exhibited itself. Though I had as it were lost sight of Olivia, +though I knew not but she might at that time be a wife, and though, +whatever her condition might be, I had sufficient reason to fear that +if she thought of me it was with pain, not with love, still that she +must and should be mine was a kind of frantic conclusion with which +I always consoled myself. But for this purpose riches presented +themselves as of the first necessity; and riches themselves would be +useless, unless obtained with the rapidity rather of enchantment than +by the ordinary progress of human events. + +I did not conceal this weakness from my friend, and ventured to +propose a plan on which I had previously been ruminating; though I +had foreseen no means of putting it in practice. Every man had heard +of the fortunes acquired in the east, and of the wealth which had been +poured from the lap of India. The army there was at all times open +to men like myself; youthful, healthy, and of education. 'Tis true I +had been of opinion that there were strong moral objections to this +profession: but these my more prevalent passions had lulled me into a +forgetfulness of, and I stated this as the most probable scheme for +the accomplishment of my dearest hopes. + +Mr. Evelyn, anxious not to wound me where I was most vulnerable, +began by soothing my ruling passion; and then proceeded to detail the +physical chances of a ruined constitution, of death, and of failure; +and afterward to represent, with unassuming but with stedfast energy, +the moral turpitude first of subjecting myself to the physical evils +he had recited, and next of hiring myself to enmity against nations +I had never known, and of becoming the assassin of people whom I had +never seen, and who had not had any possible opportunity of doing me +an injury, or even of giving me an offence. + +The objections I started, partly to defend the opinions I had begun +with, and partly because I felt myself loth to relinquish a plan by +which my imagination had been flattered, soon became very feeble: but +the interesting nature of the subject prolonged the discussion till it +was nearly dinner time. + +In the course of this enquiry, Mr. Evelyn delineated the contemptible +yet ridiculous arts which are employed to entrap men into the military +service; pourtrayed the inevitable depravity of their morals, and gave +a history of the feelings worthy of fiends which are engendered, while +they are trained to fix their bayonets, load their pieces, level them, +discharge them at men they had never seen before, strike off the heads +of these strangers with furious dexterity, stab the ground in full +gallop on which they are supposed to have fallen and to lie helpless, +and commit habitual and innumerable murders in imagination, that they +may be hardened for actual slaughter. + +He afterward gave an enlightened and animated sketch of the abject +condition of those who command these men, of the total resignation +which each makes of his understanding to that of the next in rank +above him, and of the arrogant, the ignorant, the turbulent, the +dangerous and the slavish spirit which this begets. He finished the +picture with a recapitulation of the innumerable and horrid miseries +which everlastingly mark the progress of war; which he painted with +such force and truth that I recoiled from the contemplation of it with +abhorrence. + +My feelings had been so agitated by this discourse that my imagination +was thoroughly rouzed. My former ideas, concerning the enormous vices +of war, had not only been revived but increased; and, though I began +with debating the question, I soon ceased to oppose: so that my +thoughts were rather busied in filling up the picture, and collecting +all its horrors, than in apologizing for or denying their existence. +This was the temper of mind in which Mr. Evelyn, attending to his +own concerns, left me for a short time; and my heart was so agonized +by the recollection that this was a system to which men were still +devoted, and of which they were still in the headlong and hot pursuit, +that I then immediately, and perhaps with less effort than I ever made +on a similar occasion, produced the following poem: + + THE HERO + + All hail to the hero whom victory leads, + Triumphant, from fields of renown! + From kingdoms left barren! from plains drench'd in blood! + And the sacking of many a fair town! + + His gore-dripping sword shall hang high in the hall; + Revered for the havoc it spread! + For the deaths it has dealt! for the terrors it struck! + And the torrents of blood it has shed! + + His banners in haughty procession shall ride, + On Jehovah's proud altars unfurl'd! + While anthems and priests waft to heaven his praise, + For the slaughter and wreck of a world! + + Though widows and orphans together shall crowd, + To gaze as at heaven's dread rod, + And mutter their curses, and mingle their tears, + Invoking the vengeance of God: + + Though, while bloated Revelry roars at his board, + Where surfeiting hecatombs fume, + Desolation and Famine shall howl, and old Earth + Her skeleton hordes shall intomb: + + All ghastly and mangled, from fields where they fell, + With horrible groanings and cries, + What though, when he slumbers, the dead from their graves + In dread visitation shall rise: + + Yet he among heroes exalted shall sit; + And slaves to his splendor shall bend; + And senates shall echo his virtues; and kings + Shall own him their saviour, and friend! + + Then hail to the hero whom victory leads, + Triumphant, from fields of renown! + From kingdoms left barren! from plains drench'd in blood! + And the sacking of many a fair town! + +I was too full of my subject, and poet like too much delighted with +the verses I had so suddenly produced, not to shew them immediately to +Mr. Evelyn. + +He seemed to do them even more than justice: he read them again +and again, and each time with a feeling now of compassion, now of +amazement, and now of horror, that shewed how strongly the picture had +seized upon his soul. The associations of misery which his imagination +added were so forcible that tears repeatedly rolled down his cheeks. +To this more soothing trains of thought succeeded. The pain of the +past and the present was alleviated by a prospect of futurity. Our +minds rose to a state of mutual rapture, excited by a foresight +that the time was at length come in which men were awakening to a +comprehensive view of their own mad and destructive systems; that +their vices began to be on the decline and no longer to be mistaken +for the most splendid virtues, as they had formerly been; and that +truth was breaking forth upon the world with most animating force and +vigour. + +There have been few moments of my life in which I have experienced +intellectual enjoyment with a pleasure so exquisite. Clarke himself, +unused as his thoughts had been to explore the future and wrest +happiness to themselves by anticipation, partook of our emotions; and +seemed in a state similar to those religious converts who imagine they +feel that a new light is broke in upon them. It was a happy afternoon! +It was a type of those which shall hereafter be the substitutes of +the wretched resources of drinking, obscene conversation, and games +of chance, to which men have had recourse that they might rouze their +minds: being rather willing to suffer the extremes of misery than that +dullness, and inanity, which they find still more insupportable. + +This incident united me and Mr. Evelyn more intimately, and +powerfully, than all that had passed. The warmth with which he spoke, +of the benefits that society must receive from talents like mine, +dilated my heart. Every man is better acquainted with his own powers +and virtues than any other can possibly be; and, when they are +discovered, acknowledged, and applauded, instead of being denied or +overlooked as is more generally the case, the pleasure he receives is +as great as it is unusual. + +Our conversation after dinner reverted to the plans I was to pursue. +The law necessarily came under consideration; and Mr. Evelyn, not +having considered the subject under the same points of view as Turl +had done, was strongly in favour of that profession. He foresaw in +me a future Judge, whose integrity should benefit and whose wisdom +should enlighten mankind. He conceived there could be no function more +honourable, more sacred, or more beneficial. An upright judge, with +his own passions and prejudices subdued, attentive to the principles +of justice by which alone the happiness of the world can be promoted, +and by the rectitude of his decisions affording precedent and example +to future generations, he considered as a character that must command +the reverence and love of the human race. + +My imagination while he spoke was not idle. I helped to fill up the +picture. It placed me on the judgment seat. It gave me the penetration +of Solomon, the benevolence of Zaleucus, and the legislative soul of +Alfred. As usual, it overstepped the probable with wonderful ease and +celerity. Not only the objections of Turl disappeared, but the jargon +of the law, its voluminous lumber with which I had been disgusted +when reading the civilians at college, and all my other doubts and +disgusts, vanished. + +Our inquiries accordingly ended with a determination that I should +continue my journey to town, should keep my terms at the Temple, and +should place myself, as is customary, under one of the most eminent +barristers. + +This necessarily brought me to consider the expence; and the moment +that subject recurred I felt all the pain which could not but assault +a mind like mine. I had nurtured, not only the haughtiness of +independance, but the supposition that, in my own extraordinary powers +and gifts, I possessed innumerable resources; and, at moments, had +encouraged those many extravagant flights with which the reader is +already well acquainted. + +However, after all that had passed, and for the reasons that had been +sufficiently urged, I found it necessary to submit: though by the +concession my soul seemed to be subdued, and its faculties to be +shrunk and half withered. It was an oppressive sensation that could +not be shaken off, yet that must be endured. Such at least was my +present conclusion. + +In the course of the evening, Mr. Evelyn at my request stated his +reasons for pursuing his own course of studies; and instanced a +variety of facts which convinced me of the benefits to be derived +from the science of surgery, of the rash conclusions to which modern +theorists and enquirers have been led, and of the necessity there is +that some practitioner, equally well informed with themselves but +aware of the evil of false deductions, should demonstrate the mischief +of hasty assertion, and that things which are only conjectural ought +not to be given as indubitable. + +Of this nature he considered their hypotheses relating to the +brain, the nervous system, the lymphatic fluid, and other subjects; +concerning which many curious but hitherto equivocal facts have been +the discovery of modern research. + +Mr. Evelyn not only read all the best authors, but went to London, +every winter, and assiduously maintained an intercourse with the most +able men, attended their lectures, was present at their operations, +and fully informed himself of their differences both in opinion and +practice. + +But his frame was delicate, a too long abode in London always +occasioned pulmonary symptoms, and experience taught him that his +native air was more healthful and animating than any other. The +difficulties attending his studies were greatly increased by his +residence in the country; but they were surmounted by his precaution, +and by the general favour which his benevolence secured to him among +the neighbouring people. Though there were not wanting some who +considered him as a very strange, if not a dangerous and a wicked, +man. + +It is curious yet an astonishing and an afflicting speculation that +men should be most prone to suspect, and hate, those who are most +unwearied in endeavouring to remove their evils. That a surgeon +must be acquainted with the direction, site, and properties, of the +muscles, arteries, ligaments, nerves, and other parts, before he +can cut the living body with the least possible injury, and that +this knowledge can only be acquired by experience, is a very plain +proposition. It is equally self-evident that a dead body is no longer +subject to pain; and that it certainly cannot be more disgraced by the +knife of a surgeon than by the gnawing of worms. When will men shake +off their infantine terrors, and their idiot-like prepossessions? + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +_The departure: Ejaculations: Present pleasures and future hopes: A +strange dialogue in the dark; and a generous and beautiful defender_ + + +The pleasure I this day received in the company of Mr. Evelyn was +uncommon, the friendship with which he had inspired me was pure, +and the respect that my heart paid to his virtues was profound. But +eagerness of pursuit was my characteristic. My plan being formed, +every moment of delay would have been torment; and he, entering into +all my thoughts and sympathising with all my wishes, prompted me to +follow my bent. It was therefore agreed that I and my companion should +depart by one of the coaches which would pass an inn at some distance +in the morning. A messenger was accordingly dispatched to take places +in the first vacant coach, arrangements for money-matters were made +with every possible delicacy by my friend, the night passed away, day +returned, and we departed. + +I will leave the reader to image to himself the crowding sensations +that pressed upon my heart on this occasion, the tumult of thought +which incidents so sudden and unexpected produced, and the feelings +which mutually passed between me and my noble benefactor. I shall +live, said I, to acknowledge this in my old age. I shall have a story +to tell, a man to describe, and a friend to revere, that will astonish +and render common hearers incredulous. But this was the language of my +heart: not of my tongue. That was dumb. A pressure of the hand, with +eyes averted, was all the utterance I had. + +A child and its mother were the only passengers beside ourselves. The +coach, which was to be in London at ten that night, rolled along, they +were asleep, I was silent, and poor Clarke was full of ejaculation. + +'If there be a good man on God's earth, that gentleman is one! He will +find his road to heaven safe enough! He will be among the sheep, and +sit on the right hand of God! I hope I shall be in his company! Though +that can't be. I am unworthy. I may think myself happy to sit far +enough lower down. Not that I can say; for I find the best people have +the least pride. Perhaps as it is in earth so it may be in heaven. +God send us all safe there together! For my part, I think that within +these few weeks I am a different kind of a creature. But what can a +poor carpenter do? He must not speak to gentlefolk, unless in the +way of his work: so he can have no sociability, but with his poor +neighbours. And though some of them to be sure be as good-meaning +people as any on earth, they are no better learned than himself: so +they can teach him nothing. But I have happened on good luck, so I +have no right to complain. And I am very sure, in my own mind, that +there is good luck in store for us all: for providence else would not +have brought us and guided us where it did, by such marvellous means; +so that, while we thought we were breaking our necks and falling into +the hands of murderers, and being frightened out of our senses by the +most shocking sights I must say that ever were seen, we were all the +while going straight on as fast as we could to good fortune! So that +it is true enough that man is blind, but that God can see.' + +What pleasure does the mind of man take in solving all its +difficulties! How impatient is it that any thing should remain +unexplained; and how ready to elevate its own ignorance into mystery +and miracle! + +To have remained longer silent, while the honest heart of my companion +was thus overflowing with kindness, would have been no proof of the +same excellent and winning quality in myself. I encouraged his hopes, +in which I was very ready to participate. My own pleasing dreams +revived in full force; and I presently ranged my cloud-constructed +castles, which I built, pulled down and rebuilt with admirable +facilty, and lorded it over my airy domains at will. 'Tis a folly to +rail at these domains: for there are no earthly abodes that are half +so captivating. + +Nothing worth mentioning happened on the road till we came to the +last stage but one, where we changed horses; at which time it was +quite dark. Our female companion and her child had been set down at +Hungerford; and two new passengers, both ladies, as soon as the horses +were put to, were shewn to the carriage. + +They had a footman, who mounted the box; and we soon learned from +their discourse that they had been waiting for the nephew of the elder +lady, who was to have taken them in his phæton, but that they had +been disappointed. They had been on a visit, and had been brought to +Salt-hill in a gentleman's carriage; which they had sent back. While +the coach had stopped, I had fallen into a doze; but awoke when +it began to move again, and when I heard the voices of females +conversing. + +The old lady spoke most, and complained of the rudeness of her nephew +in subjecting them to the inconvenience of a stage-coach, or of +waiting they knew not how long till post-horses should come in, which +as they were informed would be tired and unfit for more work: it +happening that there was a great run at that time on the Bath road. + +The reader will presently understand that they were people of real +fashion; and the eldest lady spoke of persons and things which denoted +that high life was familiar to her. This gave Clarke a new opportunity +of wondering how he, a poor carpenter, came into such company: which +he directly expressed to me, with the simplicity and undisguise that +are common to such characters. + +The old lady, who had before signified her chagrin at the expedient +to which her nephew had reduced her, did not find her pride soothed +when she learned that she was in company with carpenters: for it +soon appeared that she considered me and my companion as familiar +acquaintances of the same rank. + +Her young friend was likewise led into this error; and, when the +former began to express her disgust too freely to accord with the +feelings of the latter, she interrupted her with saying '_Ayez la +bonté, madame, de parler François_? 'Be kind enough, madam, to speak +French.' + +The old lady complied; and a conversation ensued which certainly will +neither surprise nor move the reader so much as it did me. Should +he ask how I, as a man of honor, could suffer them to remain in the +deception of imagining I did not understand them, let him wait till +he knows enough to surmise what the emotions were that were in a +moment kindled in my bosom. At first, indeed, they were but dark and +improbable conjectures: but, dark as they were, they shook my whole +frame. + +The dialogue that ensued soon testified that the old lady was in no +very complacent temper of mind. Her beginning sentences expressed +dissatisfaction, were sarcastic, and evidently glanced at her young +companion, whose replies were mild and conciliating. But, not +satisfied with indirect reproach, her assailant, still speaking +French, continued her interrogatories to the following effect. + +'And are you still determined, Miss, to persist in your obstinate +refusal of his lordship?' + +'Let me intreat you, dear madam, not to enter on that subject again.' + +'Oh, to be sure! You very kindly intreat me to torment myself as much +as I please, so that I do not trouble you!' + +'How can you, madam, accuse me of such cruelty? Is it just? Am I +indeed of such a nature?' + +'Yes, indeed are you, Miss: however you may flatter yourself. It is +nothing but perversity that can make you trifle with the honor and +happiness of your family--Now you are silent! Your fine spirit no +doubt disdains to reply!' + +'What can I say?' + +'Say that you are a headstrong girl; acknowledge your fault, and +consent to be the wife of a peer--Silent again!' + +'I could wish, madam, not to make you more angry.' + +'No, indeed; there is no occasion for that! You have been doing +nothing else for many weeks past. For my part, I cannot conceive what +your objection can be! Had that desperado been living, for whom since +his death you have acknowledged what you call your weak prepossession, +I should have known very well to what cause to attribute your +stubbornness: but, as it is, I cannot conceive either your motives or +your meaning. Nothing however is to be wondered at, in a young lady +of your character. No prudent person would have dared to indulge a +thought in favour of a mad adventurer, whose actions were as rash as +they were insolent, whose family was mean yet had dared to oppose +and even make ridiculous attempts to rival that from which you are +descended, and who yet was himself an outcast of that family.' + +'It is cruel, madam, to disturb the ashes of the dead!' + +This was the first word of retort that had escaped the chidden +sufferer; and this was uttered in a voice half suffocated with +passion. + +'Cruel, indeed! Every thing is cruel that contradicts the wishes of +young ladies, whose melting tenderness is ruinous to themselves and to +every body that ought to be most dear to them.' + +'You must pardon me, madam, for again and again repeating, in my own +defence, that there is no part of my conduct which can justify such an +accusation.' + +'How, Miss! Is an avowed partiality for a fortune-hunter no proof? Is +it no stain on the character of a modern young lady? Is it no insult +to her family?' + +'It was a partiality which had never been avowed, till death had put +an end to hope. It was produced and counteracted by very extraordinary +circumstances: but, however strong it might be at some moments, which +I acknowledge it was, for I disdain falsehood, it was not indulged. I +needed no monitor to shew me there were too many reasons why it ought +not to be.' + +'I have not patience. A runagate! A vagabond! A gambler! A prize +fighter! One of the lowest and most contemptible of adventurers! +who had betrayed his patrons, who had flown in the face of his +benefactors, who was capable of every kind of malice and mischief, and +who had not a single virtue!' + +'Madam, I cannot listen to such an assertion as that, however I may +offend you, without continually protesting it is unfounded; and that +you have been greatly misinformed. I scorn to apologise for his +mistakes: but I know that he had virtues which those who have given +you this character of him are never likely to possess. How he could be +guilty of the crimes of which he has been accused I cannot conceive. +Even when a boy, I have heard him express sentiments which I shall +never forget; and which have since been confirmed by his actions. You +were acquainted with none of them. You speak from report; and from +report which I am sure was false, and wicked. His heart I know to have +been compassionate, his principles such as no mean mind could have +conceived, and his courage blameably great; though it saved my life. +[Tears half choaked her utterance.] But for him I should have been +where he now is: a different train of events might have taken place, +and he perhaps might have been living. I owe him my life, and you must +forgive me if I cannot sit patiently and hear his memory traduced +without the least occasion: for, [Her sobbing could not be stifled.] +since he is dead, you can no longer think him dangerous.' + +Oh Olivia! + +Gracious God! What were the throbs the thrillings, the love, the +indignation, the transports, of my soul! How did a few moments raise +and allay in me the whirlwind of the passions! How did my frame +tremble, and madden, and shiver, and burn! How were my lips at once +bursting with frenzy and locked in silence! It was my guardian angel +that protected me, that pleaded for me, that awed me to patience, and +that repaid by her seraphic praise the virtue she had inspired! + +Oh, yes, it was Olivia! It was she herself that had the justice, the +fortitude, and the affection, to assert the dignity of truth, to +controvert an overbearing aunt whom she revered, for this aunt had her +virtues, and to speak in defiance of that hypocrisy which inculcates +the silence that intends to deceive, and which teaches females that +sincerity is an unpardonable vice. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +_False conclusions rectified: A lover's reveries: The dangers of a +stage-coach, in a dark night and a fog: The discovery of more old +acquaintances, and the journey pursued_ + + +It has been truly remarked that the most serious and even the most +dignified emotions are sometimes mingled with the most ludicrous. When +the divine Olivia had ended, there was a momentary pause; and Clarke, +meditating no doubt on the advantages of which he had been deprived, +and to the enjoyment of which every man feels he has a right, +directing his remark to me, suddenly exclaimed--'What would I give now +if I understood all that these ladies were saying as well as you do!' + +'_Est-ce donc que Monsieur sçait parler François?_--What, sir! Can you +speak French?' said the aunt with a burst of surprise. + +'Yes, madam,' answered I; in a low and tremulous voice. + +'_Gesù Maria! Chi l'avrebbe pensato! Parliamo Italiano, Signora._ Good +God! who could have thought it! Let us speak Italian, Miss,' continued +she: but, suddenly recollecting herself, added--'Perhaps, sir, you +speak that language, too?' + +'Yes, madam.' + +A dead silence ensued; which was only once or twice interrupted by +an exclamation of discontent from the aunt. Each became busied with +their own thoughts: mine were distracted by doubts and apprehensions, +concerning the manner in which I ought to act. I could come to no +determination. To be seen by the aunt would not only have wounded her +pride, and if possible have rendered her more implacably my mortal +enemy than she had been, but it would have subjected Olivia, toward +whom my heart was bursting with affection, to a series of new assaults +and persecutions. Nay the sudden sight of me might overpower her, and +even have dangerous effects. Such at least were the whisperings either +of my tenderness or my vanity. And yet to miss this opportunity, to +acquaint her with none of those overwhelming sensations that were all +thankfulness, love, and adoration, and not so much as to inform her +that I was still living, still perhaps capable of all the good that +she had ever supposed of me, was in every view of it tormenting. How +had she struggled to conceal her emotions when she mentioned my death, +and that I had saved her life! Should I deserve this tenderness, if I +could leave her to grieve a moment longer? Such unkindness were not +only unworthy of me, but might be dangerous: it might even risk her +compliance to the proposed match. + +And here a torrent of painful anxieties and surmises rushed upon me. +The hateful subject was brought fully to my recollection. Andrews was +no longer the rival I had to dread. A lord had entered the lists: a +peer of the realm had sued for Olivia. Who could he be? Was it likely +that she should long withstand the solicitations of her aunt, endure +her bitter upbraidings, and suffer the rude taunts of her brother, +while rank and splendor were courting her acceptance, while coronets +were crouching at her feet and supplicating her compassion? Which of +our ancient barons could he be? How should I learn? Was he young, +handsome, courteous, engaging? Had he the virtues and the high +qualities which imagination is so apt to attach to the word noble? + +Another train of conjecture seized upon my thoughts. How did it happen +that they should believe me dead? Who were the authors of this false +report? It must surely be intentional deceit; perhaps of the aunt, +perhaps of Hector; invented to induce her to comply with their wishes, +and ally them to the peerage. I must not suffer it to continue. The +aunt appeared to believe it; and that Olivia had no doubt of it was +certain. My fears confirmed me in the suspicion that it was a family +artifice. + +I was at length awakened from these reveries by the aunt; who +expressed her surprise and impatience at the slow driving of the +coachman. It seems it had continued for some time, though not remarked +by me; and it was not long before the coach stopped, when I perceived +that we were in an uncommonly thick fog. Olivia was still silent, but +the aunt was alarmed by the voices of men; and, as the darkness and +mist prevented all danger of my being known, I opened the coach-door +and jumped out; and Clarke followed my example. + +I found on enquiry we were passing Cranford-bridge at the beginning of +Hounslow-heath, that a broad-wheeled waggon had approached, and that +the coachman unable to distinguish the road had alighted to lead his +horses, lest we should be overturned. He had trusted the reins to the +footman who remained on the box. + +By the caution of the coachman, the waggon was safely passed, and he +thought proper to mount his box again: but he durst not venture to +drive fast; and, as I was alarmed for the safety of Olivia, I and +Clarke continued beside the horses. + +We had not gone fifty yards before we were again entangled with a +timber carriage; the driver of which, embarrassed by the fog, had +turned it across the road. + +The waters, which lie in the hollows on the Hounslow-side of the +bridge, had been greatly increased by the late tempests, and heavy +rains. The coach horses began to snort with more vehemence; for they +had for some time been disturbed with fright; and one of them, running +against the projecting timber, plunged, and terrified the rest: so +that the two fore-horses, quitting the road, dashed into the water, +dragged the coach after them in despite of the driver, and the +near-wheels were hurried down the bank. + +It fortunately happened that the declivity was not steep enough +immediately to overturn the coach; otherwise Olivia and her aunt would +probably have lost their lives. + +Bewildered by the fog, neither I nor Clarke could act with that +promptitude which we desired. I however got to the horses' heads, +myself above the knees in water, and stopped them just in time. I +called to Clarke to come to me; and, as I knew him to be both strong +and determined, I committed the horses to him and ran to support the +carriage, lest it should overturn. + +The coachman sensible of his danger, took care to alight on the +off-side. The footman did the same; and I, with an air of authority +which the circumstances inspired, ordered them to come to me and +support the coach. They obeyed. I hastened round to the other side, +opened the door, first took out the aunt, and then accomplished the +wish of my heart: I held the lovely Olivia once more in my arms, and +once more pressed her to my bosom, without the least alarm to her +delicacy. + +For how many rapturous moments are lovers indebted to accident! Mine +indeed would have been a single bliss, and therefore unworthy the +name, had not the tenderness and the truth of Olivia so lately been +manifested. But this addition made the transport undescribable! To +be in my arms yet not to know me, but to suppose me dead, to feel +my embrace and to have no suspicion that it was the embrace of +love, to be once more safe and I myself once more her protector, oh +Imagination! Strong as thou art, thy power is insufficient for the +repetition of such a scene, for the complete revival of such ecstacy! + +I was unwilling to part with my precious burthen, which I had no +longer any pretence to retain. 'Pray, sir, put me down,' said the +angel; with a sweet, a gentle, and a thankful voice. 'We are very safe +now: for which both I and my aunt are infinitely indebted to you.' + +I could make no reply: but I pressed her hand with something of that +too ardent rashness of which the aunt had accused me. + +The old lady too did not forget her acknowledgments. She had no doubt +now that I was a gentleman. My behaviour proved it. She should be very +proud to thank me, in a more proper place, for my civilities; and +would endeavour to repay the obligation if I would do her the favour +to call in Hertford-street. + +Olivia was not one of those who think only of themselves. 'Having been +so good, sir,' said she, 'as to take us out of danger, perhaps you +could be serviceable to the poor coachman.' + +'Let me first see you back to the inn, ladies.' + +'Some accident may happen in the mean time. The horses are unruly. We +will stay here till all is safe.' + +The advice was just, and it came from Olivia. I obeyed and hastened to +the coachman; who was busied in loosing the traces, and relieving the +horses from the carriage. This was presently done; and the coach was +left, till proper aid and more light could be obtained. + +I then returned to Olivia; and, when the coachman came up, the aunt +enquired if their danger had been great? + +'I don't know, madam, what you may call great,' answered he; 'but, +if that gentleman had not stopped the cattle, and if the near wheels +had gone one yard nay two feet farther I should have had an overturn; +and then how either you or I could have got out of that gravel pit +is more than I can tell. For my own part, I know, I thank him with +all my heart; and the other gentleman too: for it is not often that +your gentleman are so handy. Instead of helping, they generally want +somebody to help them. I hope they'll be civil enough to take a +glass with me. By G---- they shall go to the depth of my pocket, and +welcome.' + +'If that be the case,' replied the aunt, 'we are all very much obliged +to them indeed! But I will take care never to travel in a fog again.' + +Just as this was passing, we heard at a distance, and as if coming +from the inn, a shouting of 'Hollo! Hoix! Coachee! Coach! where are +you all?' + +'I declare,' said the aunt, 'that is my nephew's voice! This is very +lucky! He will now take us in his phæton.' + +'Surely, madam,' exclaimed I, 'you would not trust yourself and this +young lady in a phæton such a night as this; when you see the most +experienced drivers are liable to such accidents?' + +'If the lady does,' continued the coachman as he was going, 'why I +shall suppose she does not value a broken neck of a farthing.' + +We then proceeded back to the inn, and were presently joined by +Hector; whom the aunt immediately began to rate. + +While she was thus employed, I, endeavouring to disguise my voice, as +I had before done in the few sentences I had uttered, and addressing +myself to Olivia, said, 'I should be exceedingly concerned, madam, +if I thought you would suffer Mr. Mowbray to drive you home till day +light shall appear.' + +'I certainly shall not, sir;' answered she. 'But do you know my +brother?' + +'Madam!' + +'You are acquainted with his name; and I don't recollect that it has +been mentioned.' + +I hesitated, Hector turned upon us, we were approaching the light, +and, with a suddenness which fear and passion inspired, knowing that +Mowbray did not understand Italian, I said in an under voice--'_Il +Signer Hugo Trevor non é morto, bellissima Signora_; Mr. Trevor is not +dead, dearest lady'--At the same instant I snatched her hand, pressed +it, was about to raise it to my lips, but recollecting myself, turned +short round, and added, '_Addio!_' + +Clarke was at my back; and I plucked him by the coat, and +whispered--'Come with me.' + +But what of Olivia? Was she dead to feeling at this strange mysterious +moment? Did no rushing torrent of ideas suddenly overwhelm her? The +man whose loss she had lamented not in his grave; that man again her +saviour, her guardian genius in the dark hour of dread and danger; +acquainted in a way the most extraordinary with her thoughts, and +favourable wishes; or, as she was too severely inclined to term it, +her passion and its folly; a witness that she did not credit all +which malice could urge against him, nor listen in base silence when +her perhaps too partial heart pleaded in his behalf; nay more, that +man the protector of her aunt, by whom he had been so often and so +bitterly reviled; that man travelling in obscurity; in familiar +society with a carpenter, yet braving peril in her behalf, and +shunning the thanks which the uncommon services he had rendered might +boldly make him claim; avoiding them most certainly because of the +mean condition to which he was reduced; faithful in his affection; for +such his behaviour spoke him; but unfortunate, depressed, despised; +sinking under poverty; languishing away his youth; or crushed +by accumulating disasters!--Did no such fears, no such tender +recollections, assail her bosom?--I have described her ill indeed if +that could be supposed. I must pursue my narrative: for how can I +picture what most indubitably must have passed in her heart, since I +feel myself so very incapable of delineating my own! + +This adventure did not entirely end here. I wished to have gone +forward on foot to Hounslow without delay: but Clarke interceded, for +a glass of brandy. He said the water had chilled him; and he was still +more importunate with me to take the same preventative. I had no fear +for myself; for I had no such feeling: but, as I did not think I had +any right to trifle with his health, I returned with him; taking the +precaution to go through the passage to the kitchen door. + +Here, just as we came to the threshold, who should be coming in face +of us, carrying a pair of candles, but my quondam servant, Philip! + +The instant he beheld me, he turned pale, trembled, set down the +lights, stood aghast for a moment, and then took to his heels. + +Though not so terrified, I was almost as much surprised as he; and +suffered him to escape before I had the presence of mind to know how +to act. As however it was my plan to avoid being known myself for the +present, I thought proper to make no other enquiry than to ask whose +servant he was? and was answered that he came with the ladies, who had +just returned from the coach. + +Various conjectures instantly crossed my imagination; all of which +were associated with the sudden flight from Bath, the robbery he had +committed, the seeming honesty and even affection of his character +previous to that event, his now being in the service of Olivia, for I +understood him to be her own valet, and the story of my death. But, +though my curiosity was greatly excited, the present was not the +time in which these mysteries could be unravelled. We therefore took +Clarke's prescription against cold; and, leaving Cranford bridge, +pursued our road to Hounslow: where we arrived about eleven o'clock, +and put up at an inferior inn lest any accident should bring us again +in company with the aunt and the nephew. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +_Meditations on what had passed: The condolence of Clarke: Arrival at +London: The meeting of former friends: Law arrangements_ + + +It may be well supposed that the incidents of this night were not +easily driven from my imagination. While we were walking, the care we +were obliged to take, and the gloom around us, prevented any thing +from escaping me sufficiently marked to attract the notice of my +companion. But, when we were seated in a room with lights, and my mind +was no longer diverted by other objects, the reveries into which I +fell, the interjections that broke from me, the hasty and interrupted +manner in which I ate and drank, the expressions of extreme joy which +altered my countenance at one moment, and the solemn seriousness which +it assumed the next, with my eyes fixed, while the tears rolled down +my cheeks, at last so agitated poor Clarke that he exclaimed--'For +God's sake, Mr. Trevor, what is the matter with you?' + +My silence, for I was unable to speak, did but increase his +alarm--'Are you taken ill? What has befallen you? Won't you open your +mind to me? If I could do you any good, I hope you don't think I +should be backward? Are you unhappy?' + +'No, no.' + +'I am very glad of that. But something uncommon I am sure has happened +to you: though it may not be fit perhaps that I should hear what. And +I don't want to be a busy body; though I must say I should be more at +ease, if I was quite sure that all was right. That's all. I have no +other curiosity.' + +'All is not right: but yet I hope it will be. I know not by what +means. It seems indeed impossible! And perhaps it is; and yet I hope! +I hope! I hope!' + +'Well, well: I am glad of that. We should all hope. We are bid to +hope. God help us if we did not. Perhaps I can't give you any help? +I suppose that is beyond me. I am sorry for it. But what can a poor +carpenter do, in the way of befriending a gentleman?' + +'A poor carpenter can have a kind heart; and I do not know whether +that is not the most blessed thing on earth! Did you ever hear me +repeat the name of Olivia?' + +'Yes; when you were light-headed, I heard the name many a time and +often. And the nurse said you raved of nobody else. But we could none +of us find out who she was. Though, I must say, I have often enough +wished to ask: but that I did not think it became me to seem to be at +all prying.' + +'That is the lady you have been in company with to-night. It is she +whom you have helped me to save. I was sufficiently indebted to you +before: but what am I then at present?' + +'Well, that to be sure is accidental enough! I could not have thought +it! How oddly things do fall out! But I am glad of it with all my +heart!' + +'I could not see much of her, to be sure; though I looked with all the +eyes I had: but I thought somehow she seemed as fine a young creature +as I had ever beheld since the hour I was born; which the mildness of +her voice did but make the more likely. I thought to myself, I never +in my days heard any living soul so sweet-spoken. So that I must say +things have fallen out very strangely. + +'I always said to my Sally, there must be something between you and +the gentlewoman the name of _which_ was on your tongue's end so often, +while you were down in the fever; and I am glad to the heart that you +have happened on her again so unexpectedly: though I can see no good +reason, now you have found her, why you should be in such a hurry to +get away.' + +The unaffected participation of Clarke in all my joys and sorrows, the +questions which his feelings impelled him to put, and the fidelity of +his nature, as well as the impulse which passion gave me to disburthen +my mind, were all of them inducements to speak; and I informed him of +many of those particulars which have already been recited. + +The more intimately he became acquainted with my history, the more +powerfully he seemed imbued with my hopes and fears; and the better +satisfied I was with the confidence I had reposed in him. I am unable +to paint the honest indignation of his feelings and phraseology +at the injustice which he as well as I supposed had been done me, +the depression of his countenance when I dwelt on the despair and +wretchedness which the almost impossibility of my obtaining Olivia +inspired, and the animation with which he seemed as it were to set +his shoulders to the wheel, when my returning fervor led me to the +opposite extreme, and gave me confidence in my own powers and the +strenuous exertions on which I was resolved. + +The conversation continued long after we retired to rest; so that our +sleep was short: for we were up again very early, before it was light, +and continued our journey to London; where we arrived a little after +nine in the morning. + +I immediately proceeded to the lodging of Miss Wilmot; whom I found +where I had left her, and who was truly rejoiced to see me. Clarke +had never been in London: I therefore took him with me, gave a proper +account of him to Miss Wilmot, and we all breakfasted together, +while Mary waited; whose features as well as her words sufficiently +testified the unexpected pleasure of the meeting, and who artlessly +related the apprehensions of herself and my few friends, at not +hearing from me. + +My first enquiries were concerning Wilmot and Turl; and I was +delighted to learn that Wilmot, whom I left in a sickly state of mind +that was seriously alarming, had been awakened by Turl to a more just +sense of human affairs; and had recovered much of the former vigour +and elasticity of his talents. + +His sister told me that he was at present engaged in a periodical +publication; and had beside composed a considerable part of a comedy: +of which Turl, as well as herself, conceived the greatest hopes. + +The reader scarcely need be told that this intelligence gave me great +pleasure. It led me to revolve mighty matters in my own mind, created +emulation, and inspired me with increasing confidence and alacrity. +Yes, said I, exultingly, genius may safely encounter and dare +difficulties. Let it but confide in itself and it will conquer them +all. + +While we were conversing Wilmot came in. + +I must leave the imagination to paint the welcome we gave each other. + +I was surprised at the change which had taken place in his form and +physiognomy; and at the different aspect they had assumed. Not that +the marks of melancholy were quite eradicated: but, when I considered +his whole appearance, he was scarcely the same person. + +I produced surprise in him of a contrary kind. There was neither the +wonted freshness of my complexion nor the fashionable ease of my air +and dress, which he had remarked but a few months before; and he took +the first private opportunity that offered to enquire, with great +earnestness, if there were any means by which he could be of service? + +Under the general selfishness which our present institutions inspire, +such questions are wonderfully endearing. I answered him that I had +found a friend, whose principles were as liberal and enlarged as they +were uncommon; and that I would take an early occasion to give him an +account of my present designs, and the posture of my affairs. + +He informed me that the severe application of Turl had enfeebled his +health, and had induced him to reside for a few weeks at a small place +by the sea-side, that he might enjoy the benefits of bathing and the +fresh breezes; for which purpose he had left London the week before: +that neither Wilmot nor Turl himself considered his case at present as +the least dangerous, but that they had both agreed this was a prudent +step; and that he had received a letter from Turl, informing him of +his safe arrival; and that he thought he had already derived benefit +and animation from the journey. + +Turl was not a man to be known and to be thought of with apathy. The +intelligence Wilmot gave me, softened as it was by the circumstances +attending it, produced a very unpleasant feeling. The possibility +of the loss of such a man, so wise, so benevolent, and so undaunted +in the cause of truth, was a sensation for which I have no epithet. +Wilmot perceived what passed in my mind, and again assured me of his +thorough persuasion that there was not any danger. + +We passed as much of the morning together as Wilmot could spare from +his occupations; after which we parted, and each proceeded on his own +concerns: I to enquire after a dwelling-place; and he to his literary +engagements: while Clarke, instructed by Mary, went in search of a +lodging for himself through those streets that were most likely to +afford him one at a reasonable rate. + +Mr. Evelyn had a relation of a younger branch of the family in the +law, whose name was Hilary, to whom I was recommended; and from whom +I received the utmost attention, in consequence of the letters I +brought. This gentleman was an attorney of repute, a practitioner of +uncommon honesty, assiduous and capable as a professional man, a firm +defender of freedom even to his own risk and detriment, a sincere +speaker, a valuable friend, and in every sense a man of worth and +principle. + +Happy at all times to oblige, he willingly undertook the task assigned +to him by Mr. Evelyn's recommendation; and, in pursuance of his +advice, I hired an apartment in the neighbourhood of Queen's-square +Bloomsbury: that I might be within a convenient distance of the inns +of Court, yet not entirely buried in the noise and smoke of the +disagreeable part of the town. + +I likewise informed Mr. Hilary of my determination not to be a dumb +barrister; and having, from my appearance and mode of enunciation +as well as from the letters of Mr. Evelyn, conceived rather a high +opinion of my talents, he applauded my plan: in pursuance of which he +recommended me to place myself with Counsellor Ventilate; a man of +high situation in the law. I readily consented; and it was agreed that +he should speak to that gentleman immediately on the subject, and +appoint a meeting. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +_More meditations relating to Olivia; concluding with a love-letter: +Doubts concerning its conveyance_ + + +It cannot be supposed that Olivia was out of my thoughts. Knowing her +kindness toward Miss Wilmot, I carefully took the first opportunity +to inform the latter of the chief incidents that had passed; and to +concert with her some means, if possible, of obtaining an interview. + +Miss Wilmot no longer received any pecuniary aid from Olivia. Wilmot +considered it as a duty to provide for his sister; and had too lofty +a sense of independance to admit the repetition of these favours. Yet +how far that pride of heart, which teaches us, not only that we should +not submit to receive pecuniary assistance from any human being except +from our relations, but that these relations can accept of no relief, +however much they may be in need of it, without tarnishing our honor, +is a question which deserves to be seriously examined. Not but, at +that time, it squared very aptly with my opinions. It may be further +remarked of relations that, as they sometimes think they ought only to +receive aid from each other, so, they most of them imagine that, from +each other, they may unblushingly extort all they can. The generous +Wilmot indeed was in no danger of this last mistake. + +But though money was no longer a motive for intercourse, between the +gentle Olivia and Miss Wilmot, there was no danger that either of +the friends would forget the other; and the latter was too sincerely +interested in the happiness both of me and Olivia not to be willing to +promote that happiness, by every means in her power. + +What these means should be was the difficulty we had to solve. To use +any kind of stratagem would offend the delicate and justly-feeling +Olivia. To come upon her by surprise, even if the opportunity should +offer itself, would not be a manly and dignified proceeding. + +I had always thought highly of that courage which, mild as her manners +were, she never failed to exert on trying occasions. Her defence of me +in the coach was a proof that I had not overestimated her fortitude. +It likewise shewed that she was under mistakes concerning me that +were dangerous, should they remain unexplained; and that, whenever +I thought of them, which was but too often, excited my utmost +indignation. + +Bold however as she was in my defence when she supposed me dead, very +different sensations might assail her when she should be convinced +(if she still doubted) that I was living. Her submission to her aunt +seemed to be unlimited, as long as she supposed that to comply would +be less productive of harm than to resist: but I had witnessed that +she would not consent to actions of great moment, which her heart +disapproved. + +These facts made it improbable that she would grant me an interview, +without her aunt's knowledge. What then was to be done? A letter, that +should fully explain my thoughts, my plans, my determination, and my +hopes and fears, appeared to be the most eligible mode. Were I to +prompt her to a clandestine correspondence, I was well aware that I +should highly and justly offend her. She would consider it as little +less than an insult. Her conduct was open, her mind superior to +deceit; and to be ignorant of this would be to shew myself unworthy +of her. The lover should disdain to excite his mistress to any action +which he would disapprove in a wife; and this was a rule not to be +infringed, by him who should aspire to the noble-minded Olivia. + +To write then I resolved; and in such a manner as to open my whole +soul to her, awaken her affections, call forth her admiration, agitate +her with pity and love, and ensure her perseverance. + +Alas! I took the pen in hand, but was miserably deceived. I +had undertaken an impossible task. Thought was too rapid, too +multifarious, too complicate; and the tracing of letters and words +infinitely too slow, and frigid. At last however, after repeated +attempts, I determined on sending the following: with which when +written I was very far from satisfied; but of that I despaired. + + * * * * * + +'To the woman whom my soul adores how shall I address myself? +Tumultuous thoughts, hopes that vanish, and fears that distract, are +ill fitted for such a talk. Governed by feelings which will admit of +no controul, I can only claim your pardon on the plea of inability to +preserve that silence which it is temerity, or something worse, to +break. My thoughts will have passage, will rush into your presence, +will expose themselves to the worst of calamities, your reproof and +anger. Distracted as I am by a dread of the dangers that may result +from my silence, I persuade myself that these dangers are more +immediate and threatening, though scarcely more painful, than your +disapprobation. + +'You have supposed me dead; though by what strange accident I cannot +divine. Under that supposition, it was my miraculous fortune, my +ecstatic bliss, to hear you, with a purity of heart and a dignity +of sentiment such as none but a heart like yours could conceive or +express, avow a former partiality in favour of one who, whatever may +be his other faults, would gladly resign his life to secure your +happiness: of one who, in his over-weening affection has fondly and +foolishly cherished the persuasion that this happiness is inseparable +from his own: nay who partly hopes and partly believes, so blind is +his egotism, that he is the only man on earth who fully comprehends +your wonderful worth and matchless virtues; and who is pursuing the +fixed purpose of his soul, that of finally deserving you, from the +conviction that he through life will be invariable in that admiration, +that tenderness, and that unceasing love without which the life of +Olivia might perhaps be miserable. These may be the dreams of vanity, +and folly: yet, if I do not mistake, they are the dreams of all +lovers. They are indeed the aliment or rather the very essence of +love. What delight can equal that of revelling, in imagination, on the +happiness we can bestow on those who have bliss so ineffable to bestow +upon us? + +'What then if I were to see this Olivia mated with a man so dull of +faculty as soon to lose all sense of the wondrous treasure in his +possession: who never perhaps had any discriminating knowledge of +its worth; and who shall be willing to barter it for any vile and +contemptible gewgaw that may allure his depraved taste, or sickly +appetite? Is there no such man? Are these fears wholly groundless? + +'At what an immeasurable distance do I seem cast from the enjoyment of +that supreme bliss to which, perhaps, the frenzy only of imagination +could make me aspire! There is but one means by which I can be happy. +Either I am to be the most favoured of mankind, or I am nothing. +Either I rise into godlike existence, or I sink unknown and never to +be remembered. Either we are made for each other, or--I dare not think +on the reverse. It is too distracting. + +'Yet I have no hope! What I now write is presumption, is madness! And +why? It is not your beauty, your virtues, or the supreme qualities +of your mind that would raise this gulph of misery between us. No. +Avarice, vanity, and prejudice are my enemies. It is they that would +sacrifice you at their altars. That you will persevere in your refusal +is my only hope. + +'How shall I palliate, what I cannot defend, my behaviour while I +overheard you and your aunt? In vain do I plead that I was asleep, +when you came into the coach; and that I first discovered you by the +sound of your voice and the turn of the conversation; that I dreaded +exciting any sudden alarm in you: perhaps it was a vain dread: and +that, when I ought most to have spoken, when I became the subject +of the discourse, I was then chained in silence by unconquerable +emotions. Yet to be a listener? Indeed, indeed, it is a thing that my +soul disdains! But I have done many such things; not knowing, while +they passed, what it was that I did. + +'My destiny now is to study the law; and to this my days and nights +shall be devoted: but the distance at which I see myself from the goal +is a thought which I am obliged, by every possible effort, to shut out +of my memory. + +'I am in want of consolation; but since your society is denied me, I +know not where it may be found. I own, there are moments in which I +am fearfully agitated. Yet I do not solicit an answer. Let me rather +perish than prompt you to an action of the propriety of which even +I am obliged to doubt; since it cannot I suppose be done without +concealment. Oh that you knew every thought of my heart! You would +then perceive the burning desire I have to make myself every way +worthy of that unutterable bliss to which I aspire. + +'Madman! I aspire? + +'With what contempt would such daring be treated, by those whom custom +and ties of blood have taught you to revere! I confess this is a +thought which I cannot endure. Yet I can less endure to relinquish +my impossible hopes. Could you conceive what these contradictory and +tormenting sensations are, you would perhaps be induced to pardon some +of the extravagant acts which I heard you so mildly, yet so justly, +censure. + +'To be yours then is the end for which I live; and yet my pride and +every other feeling revolts, to think I should entreat you to accept a +pauper, either in wealth or principle. Well, then, I will not waste +my time, in complaint. Let me become worthy of you, or let me perish! +Fool! That is impossible. But if fall I must, I will endeavour to make +my ruin respectable. + +'Suffer me to inform you that I have lately acquired a friend whose +virtues are beyond my praise, and who has urged me to accept his aid, +in forwarding my studies and pursuits, as an act of duty incumbent +on us both. Our acquaintance has been short; and so, considering +the serious nature of the subject, was the debate that led to this +conclusion: yet his arguments seemed unanswerable, and I hope I have +not yielded too lightly. Oh that it was allowed me to consult your +exquisite sense of right and wrong! But wishes are vain. + +'Thus far I have intruded, yet know not how to end. My only hope that +you will take no offence at what I have written is in the conscious +respect that my heart feels for you; which I think cannot have +misguided my pen; and the knowledge that you are too just lightly to +attribute mean or ill motives to me. + +'How languid is all that I have written! Am I so impotent that I can +present none of the images that so eternally haunt me, that wing me +into your presence, furnish me with innumerable arguments which seem +so all-persuasive, melt me in tenderness at one moment, supply me with +the most irresistible elocution the next, and convince you while they +inspire me with raptures inexpressible? Are they all flown, all faded, +all extinct? Where is the fervor that devours me? + +'I would pray for your happiness! I would supplicate heaven that no +moment of your bliss should be abridged! Shall it then be disturbed by +me? Oh no. Unless authorised by hopes, as different as they are wild +and improbable, pardon but this, and you shall never more be subject +to the like importunity from + +HUGH TREVOR.' + + * * * * * + +Having written my letter, I had to devise the means of having it +delivered. If it were addressed directly to her, what certainty had I +that it would not be opened by the aunt? Nay was not that indeed the +most probable? And would it in that case ever be seen by Olivia? In my +apprehension certainly not. + +I had then to chuse whether I would send a messenger, who should wait +about the house and take some opportunity to deliver it clandestinely; +or commit it to the care either of Mary or Miss Wilmot. + +The messenger was a very objectionable expedient: it was mean, and +liable to detection. The medium of Mary was something of the same +kind; and the friendship and intelligence of Miss Wilmot rendered her +intervention much the most desirable. + +It was a delicate office to require of her. But she could speak the +truth: she could say that it was to relate some facts which Olivia +might even desire to know, that it contained nothing which I myself +should wish her to conceal, if she thought fit to shew it; that it did +not invite her to any improper correspondence; and that it was the +only one which, under the present circumstances, I meant to obtrude +upon her. + +That Miss Wilmot might be convinced I had neither deceived myself nor +her in this account, which I should instruct her to give of it, I +hastened with it to her lodgings, and requested her to read it before +it was sealed. Having ended, she was so well satisfied with the +propriety both of writing and delivering it that she readily undertook +the latter office; and, with her I left it, hoping that Olivia would +soon call, would read it in her presence, and that I should quickly +learn what might be the sensations it should produce. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +_Counsellor Ventilate and the law: Raptures excited by the panegyric +of Blackstone: Dialogues legal and political, with characteristic +traits_ + + +Meantime the appointed interview between me and Counsellor Ventilate +took place. This gentleman was characterized by those manners, and +opinions, which the profession of the law is so eminently calculated +to produce. He had a broad brazen stare, a curl of contempt on his +upper-lip, and a somewhat short supercilious nose. His head was +habitually turned upward, his eye in the contrary direction, as if on +the watch in expectation to detect something which his cunning might +turn to advantage, and his half-opened mouth and dropping jaw seemed +to say, 'What an immense fool is every man I meet!' + +His whole manner and aspect appeared to denote that he was in a +continual revery; and that he imagined himself in a court of law; +brow-beating a witness, interrogating an idiot, or detailing cases +and precedents, to shew the subtlety with which he could mislead and +confound his hearers. A split-hair distinction without a difference +gave him rapture; and whenever it happened to puzzle, which was +but too often, he raised his left shoulder and gave a hem of +congratulation to himself: denoting his conviction that he was +indisputably the greatest lawyer in the world! And, if the greatest +lawyer, he was as certainly, according to his own creed, the greatest +man! For the rest of mankind, if put in competition with lawyers, what +were they? What but poor, silly, imbecile creatures? + +One standard, by which he delighted to measure his own talents, was +the length to which he could drawl out a reply. Was there a man to be +found who could speak eight hours unceasingly? He would surpass him. +When his turn came, nine should not suffice. He would be more dull, +contradictory, and intolerable, than his rival by an hour, at least. +He would repeat precedents, twist sentences, misconstrue maxims, and +so perplex and entangle his own intellect that his hearers had no way +of getting rid of the pain he excited; except by falling a-sleep, +or determining not to listen. It must be owned however he had some +charity for them; for to sleep he gave them a very sufficient +provocative. + +Being one of the retainers of government, he had a seat in the House +of Commons: where he used to rise in his place and address the +Speaker, with no less logic, love of justice, and legislative wisdom, +than he was wont to display when pleading in the courts. + +It was in vain that he exposed himself to the ridicule of this +most discerning body, not less witty than virtuous. Of shame he +was incapable. He would again and again rise in his place, totally +forgetful of past flagellation, and again and again convince Mr. +Speaker and the honorable members: persisting to labour, in the hope +of making them all as profound reasoners as himself. No matter that +the thing was impracticable: he would get up and do his duty, and sit +down and receive his own applause. + +To mention shame in this case was indeed absurd. How should a man +blush at reproof which he cannot comprehend? His skull was so +admirably fortified, by nature, that it was equally impenetrable +to the heavy batteries of argument or the skirmishing artillery +of wit. Let the cannon roar: he heard it not. He was abstractedly +contemplating those obscure depths in which he remained for ever +seated; and where he had visions innumerable, though he saw nothing. + +One favourite and never-failing object, on these occasions, was to +instruct the house in law. And here the devil, who is himself a kind +of lawyer, for he devours his best friends, the devil I say chose +these opportunities to vent his choicest malice. He did not set a +lawyer to confound a lawyer: that were but a stale device. He humbled +him out of the mouths of men who had occasionally read law-books, it +is true: but who had read them without a lawyers' obliquity; and had +enquired what was the simple unadulterated intention of their authors. +Now law, which in all its stages has a quibble in either eye, that +may mean good or may mean ill, is every where, except in a Court +of Justice, capable of a good interpretation. This is not a rule +without an exception: but in many cases at least, law has something +intentionally beneficial in its principle. + +For this beneficent vital-spark every body, but a lawyer, is in +search; and it is what every body, but a lawyer, is delighted to +find. No wonder therefore that a lawyer should meet discomfiture, and +confusion, when he pretends to discuss the abstract nature of justice, +in any place except in these aforesaid Courts of Justice. + +Thus it happened that Mr. Ventilate was, on all such occasions, +confounded in that honorable house, of which he was an honorable +member: which indeed, when we remember who were his opponents, was +less miraculous than the immaculate conception--Pshaw! I mean the +transmigrations--of Vishnoo. + +Much of the conceit and ridicule of the character of Mr. Ventilate was +apparent, even to my eye, at our first meeting. But he was a person +of great practice, and had the reputation of a sound lawyer: which +signifies a man who has patience to read reports, and a facility at +quoting them. Beside, I was in haste; and rather inclined to leap over +an obstacle than to go round it. + +Accordingly our arrangements were made, and the next day I attended +at his chambers; with a firm and as I supposed not to be shaken +determination to become one of the greatest lawyers the world ever +beheld. + +The first book I was advised to read, as a historical introduction to +and compendium of law, was Blackstone's Commentaries. This author had +acquired too much celebrity for any man of liberal education to be +ignorant of his fame. I therefore began and continued to read him +with all the prepossession that an author himself could wish in his +favour. The panegyric he makes on English laws, and the Constitution +of Britain, gave me delight and animation. The reproof he bestows, +on gentlemen who are ignorant of this branch of learning, and on the +perplexities introduced into our statute-law by such 'ill-judging and +unlearned legislators,' and his praise of the capacity they would +acquire for administering justice, to which sacred function they are +so often called, were this ignorance removed, gave dignity to the +study I was about to pursue. + +Then the account given of Servius Sulpicius! who, according to my +learned author, 'left behind him about a hundred and four-score +volumes of his own compiling!' How wonderfully did it move my +admiration! I previously knew that in most countries, which are +denominated civilized, law was voluminous: but I had never till then +imagined that one man could himself compile a hundred and fourscore +volumes! And, as it seems, could compile them at his leisure too: +for his chief business was that of oratory! Beside which it lives on +record that, being a firm patriot, he was a wise and indefatigable +senator! But it appears that Sulpicius could devour law with greater +ease than Milo, or perhaps even than Cacus himself, could oxen. + +Neither was it recorded that this prodigy of legal learning began +young. And should I then despair of equalling him? No, no: get me into +one of my trances and, had he compiled as many thousands of volumes, I +should scarcely have suspected that I could not compile as fast as he. + +As I read on, how did I deplore the quarrel between Vicarius and his +opponents: or, in other words, between the pandects and the common law +of England: with the ignorance that had nearly been the result! How +rejoice in the institution of those renowned hot-beds of law, the Inns +of Court: by the aid of which, had not the rage for enacting laws kept +pace with the rage for studying them, there were hopes that the whole +kingdom would in time have been so learned in the science that every +man might indeed have become his own lawyer. + +How did I regret that I had not studied common-law while at college! +How sympathetic with my author, when he exclaims--'That a science, +which distinguishes the criterions of right and wrong; which teaches +to establish the one, and prevent, punish, or redress the other; which +employs in its theory the noblest faculties of the soul, and exerts in +its practice the cardinal virtues of the heart: a science, which is +universal in its use and extent, accommodated to each individual, yet +comprehending the whole community; that a science like this should +ever have been deemed unnecessary to be studied in a university, is a +matter of astonishment and concern!' + +How did I bless the memory of Mr. Viner, who had found a remedy for +this evil, by establishing an Oxford professorship; and how promise +to make myself master of his abridgment, till I had every case it +contained at my tongue's end! What were four and twenty volumes in +folio? Compared to Sulpicius, it was a trifle! + +The eulogium that I next came to on a university education, how +grateful was that to my heart! I was not, as my oracle described, +though one of the 'gentlemen of bright imaginations, to be wearied; +however unpromising the search.' Neither was I to be numbered among +those 'many persons of moderate capacity, who confuse themselves at +first setting out; and continue ever dark and puzzled during the +remainder of their lives.' The law being itself so luminous, there +was no fear of that with me. + +I met indeed with one overwhelming assertion. 'Such knowledge as is +necessary for a judge is hardly to be acquired by the lucubrations of +twenty years!' + +But this to be sure must be meant of dull fellows. As to the limits of +genius, they were unknown. + +My pleasure revived in full force, when I arrived at my author's +definition of law: which he states to be--'a rule of civil conduct, +prescribed by the supreme power in a state; commanding what is right, +and prohibiting what is wrong.' What will you say to that, friend +Turl? exclaimed I: putting down the book, and pausing. Can any thing +be more provident, more wise, more desirable? + +In short, I found the writer so clearly understood and satisfactorily +explained the nature of law, and the benefits arising from it, that, +for my own part, I began to be ashamed of my former stupidity. It +was all so self-evident that it seemed disgraceful not to know it +as it were by intuition. I was in that precise temper of mind which +renders conviction an easy task: for I was in haste to be rich, and +famous; and the desire of wealth and fame are two of the strongest +provocatives to faith that the sagacity of selfishness has ever yet +discovered. + +While I was in the midst of all these admirings, my attention +was roused by a dialogue that passed between two of my senior +fellow-pupils, whose names were Rudge and Trottman, which the former +thus began. + +'That was a d---- rascally cause we were concerned in yesterday.' + +'Rascally enough. But we got it.' + +'I can't say but I was sorry for the poor farmer.' + +'Sorry! Ha, ha, ha! You remind me of an unfleshed-recruit: or a young +surgeon, who has just begun to walk the hospitals. Frequent the +Courts, and you will soon learn to forget commiseration, and attend to +nothing but law. Docking of entails gives the lawyer as little concern +as the amputation of limbs does the surgeon: they are both of them +curious only about the manner, and dexterity of the operation.' + +'I suppose it will ruin the man.' + +'He was a fool for making it a criminal prosecution. He should have +brought an action for damages.' + +'It is an aggravating thing for a man to have his daughter seduced, be +beaten himself because he was angry at the injury, and, when he sues +for redress, not only be unable to obtain it, but find his fortune +destroyed, as well as his daughter's character, and his own peace.' + +'The law knows nothing concerning him, or his fortune, character, +peace, or daughter. It is and ought to be dead to private feeling. +It must consider nothing but the public benefit: nor must it ever +condescend to vary from its own plain and literal construction.' + +'That is strange: for its origin seems to have been in those very +feelings, to which it is so dead.' + +'Undoubtedly. But it provides for such feelings each under its +individual class; and if a man, seeking redress, shall seek it under a +wrong head, that is his fault; and not the fault of the law.' + +'It is a fault, however, that is daily committed.' + +'Ay to be sure: or there would be but few lawyers.' + +'How so?' + +'Why, if a man doing wrong was certain, or almost certain, of being +detected and exposed, the chances would be so much against offenders +that offences would of course diminish.' + +'Then the prosperity of lawyers seems to result from the blunders +which they themselves commit?' + +'No doubt it does; and, as the blunders are innumerable, their +prosperity must be in proportion.' + +'There seems to be something wrong in this; though I cannot tell what +or why.' + +'Ha, ha, ha! You have no cause to complain: you are a lawyer, and your +own interest must teach you that every thing is right. Except indeed +that the classes or heads I mentioned, and consequently the blunders, +are not numerous enough. But, thank heaven, we have a remedy for that: +for our statute-books are daily swelling.' + +'Why, yes! Some people say they are pregnant with mischief: of which +it is further asserted that they are daily delivered.' + +'Ay, certainly; and to the great joy of the parents.' + +'Who are they?' + +'Enquire for the father at St. Stephen's; and for the mother at +Westminster-hall. I assure you they are both enraptured at their own +offspring. The old lady sits in state, and daily praises her babes +with the most doating loquacity. And she does this with so grave a +face that it is impossible to forbear laughing, when you hear her. She +is so serious, so solemn, so convinced that every thing she utters is +oracular, and so irascible if she does but so much as smell a doubt +concerning the beauty and perfection of her brats, that there is no +scene in the world which tickles my imagination so irresistibly as to +watch her maternal visage during her eulogiums, while the big-wigs are +nodding approbation; or the contortions of her physiognomy, when any +cross incident happens to impede the torrent of her fondness. With +all due respect to her motherly functions, she is a very freakish and +laughable old lady.' + +'You have a turn for ridicule: but I confess, if I thought your +picture were true, I do not believe my sensations would be so pleasant +as yours appear to be.' + +'And why, in the name of common sense?' + +'How can one laugh at the mistakes and miseries of mankind?' + +'For a very simple reason: because it is the only way that can +render them endurable. None but a fool would cry at what cannot be +corrected.' + +The colloquy between my companions here took another direction, less +interesting to me, and left me to pause and ruminate. This picture, +said I, is satirical I own: but surely it is unjust. Blackstone, +beyond all doubt, understood the science profoundly; and his account +of it is very different indeed. + +I turned back to the passage I have quoted. + +'It distinguishes the criterions of right and wrong; teaches us to +establish the one and prevent punish or redress the other; employs +in its theory the noblest faculties of the soul, and exerts in its +practice the cardinal virtues of the heart: it is universal in its use +and extent, is accommodated to each individual, and yet comprehends +the whole community.' + +How just, how ennobling, how sublime is this praise! To compare it to +the doatings of an old woman is extremely false: nay is pernicious; +for, by exciting laughter, it misleads the judgment. + +My companions being silent, I was impelled to address myself to +Trottman. 'I wonder, sir,' said I, 'that you should be such an enemy +to law.' + +'I an enemy! You totally mistake. I am its fast friend. And with good +reason: I find it a very certain source of ease and affluence even to +the most stupid blockheads, if they will but drudge on; and of riches, +honours, and hereditary fame, to men of but very moderate talents. +I may surely expect to come in for my share; and therefore should +be a rank fool indeed were I its enemy. I leave that to innovating +fanatics. Let them dream, and rave, and write: while I mind my own +affairs, take men as they are and ever must be, profit by supporting +present establishments, and look down with contempt on the puppies who +prate philosophy, and bawl for reform.' + +I was stung. Conscious of the turn my own thoughts had taken, I +suspected that he had divined this from some words which I might +have dropped, and that his attack was personal: I therefore eagerly +replied--'Your language, sir, is unqualified.' + +'I meant no offence. If you are a reformer, I beg your pardon. I +never quarrel about what I have heard certain pompous gentlemen call +principles.' + +'Then all those persons, who differ in opinion from you, are puppies; +and pompous gentlemen?' + +'Oh dear, no, sir! Only all those that are absent. The company, you +know, according to the received rule, is excepted.' + +There was something impudently humble and satirical in his look, while +he uttered this: yet so contrived as to make the man appear a pettish +angry blockhead, who should take offence at it; and I certainly was +not inclined to quarrel with my new comrades, the first day of our +acquaintance. + +Beside, Trottman was a little insignificant man, in appearance; +pot-bellied, of a swarthy complexion, but with keenness, cunning, and +mockery in his eye; and whose form and figure, as well as his turn +of mind, must have made it ridiculous to have quarrelled with him. I +therefore waited for some more fortunate opportunity, to repay him +in his own coin: for I was as unwilling to be vanquished by wit, and +satire, as by force of argument, or of arms. + +Rudge, whose temper was more placid but who had an enquiring mind, +said, 'You do not know my friend Trottman yet, Mr. Trevor. He cares +but little who has the most reason, so that he may have the most +laughter.' + +'Life is a journey,' added Trottman; 'and, if I can travel on terra +firma, with a clear sky, and a smiling landscape, let those that +please put to sea in a butcher's tray, and sail in quest of foul +weather.' + +'Yes, sir, but the search of ease is the loss of happiness; and to fly +from danger is the likeliest way to meet it: that is, when you either +seek or fly without a guide.' + +'And who is this guide to safety?' + +'It is, what you appear to hold in contempt, Principle.' + +'Ha, ha, ha! Right! The blind leading the blind. Conjure up one +phantom to seek for another. How prodigiously we improve!' + +'From what you have said, I am not surprised that you should consider +principle as a phantom. But you only quarrel with the word: for, as +principle can mean nothing more than a rule of action, deduced from +past experience and influencing our present conduct, you, certainly, +like other men, act from principle. It is a moral duty to shun pain, +and keep your fingers out of the fire.' + +'Not if I want to sear up a wound.' + +'You are excellent at a shifting blow. But why would you apply the +cautery? Because principle, guided by experience, has previously told +you that to cauterize is in some cases the way to heal.' + +'But empirics, who cauterize without healing, are daily multiplying +upon us.' + +'Were that granted, it is but empiric opposed to empiric. Men have +been groaning under their sufferings for ages; and, since ages have +proved that the old prescriptions were insufficient, I can neither see +the danger nor the blame of following new.' + +'Zeal may be purblind, and perhaps could not see a guillotine: but her +neck might chance to feel it.' + +'Then you think a guillotine a more terrible thing than a halter, an +axe, or perhaps even a rack?' + +'It will do more work in less time.' + +'And you suppose it to be principle, or if you please innovation, that +has given this machine its momentum?' + +'Suppose! Is there any doubt?' + +'Infinite. I imagine it to be given, if we may be allowed to +personify, neither by Innovation nor Establishment; but by the +rashness and ill temper with which these heroines have mutually +maintained their positions. Innovation struck the ball at first too +impetuously: but Establishment took it at the rebound, and returned +it with triple violence. Brunswickian manifestoes, and exterminating +wars, were not ill adapted to raise the diabolical spirit of revenge. +An endeavour to starve a nation, which it was found difficult to +exterminate by fire and sword, was not a very charitable act in Madam +Establishment. Her swindling forgeries were little better; and that +her turn should come, to be starved and swindled, is not miraculous: +though it is deplorable. Heaven avert her claims to the guillotine!' + +My antagonist had no immediate reply; and Rudge exclaimed, with some +satisfaction, 'Why, Trottman, you have met with your match!' + +'Not I, indeed,' answered he, peevishly. 'I am only lost in a +labyrinth of words; and am waiting for Principle to come and be my +guide. But I am afraid she carries a dark lanthorn, which will but +blind those that look.' + +'I suspect, sir,' said I, 'you are less at loss for a joke than an +argument; and that you prefer bush-fighting. For my own part, I love +the fair and open field of enquiry.' + +'As this is a field that has no limits, nor any end to its cross +roads, I am content, as you say, to sit down under my hedge and be +quiet.' + +'No, no; I did not say that: for I see you love to draw a sly bow at +passengers.' + +'I have now and then brought down a gull, or an owl.' + +'Have you shot any of those birds to-day?' + +I felt no compunction in making this triumphant retort to his sneer. +And here our dialogue ended. Though it was a kind of declaration of +war; I mean a war of words; which, as we became more acquainted, was +occasionally waged with some asperity. + +But, in one respect, Trottman was my superior. To sneer was habitual +to him: but it was always done in a manner which seemed to indicate +that he himself had no suspicion of any such intent. So that he +continually appeared to keep his temper; and never triumphed so +effectually as when he could provoke me to lose mine. On which +occasions his additional conciliatory sarcasms, accompanied with +smiles denoting the enjoyment of his victory, never failed to make +me feel my own littleness. And this is a lesson for which I consider +myself as very highly in his debt. + +I now pursued my reading; and employed the rest of the day in +beginning to copy the manuscript precedents, that were to capacitate +me for the practice of law: for the number of which, that were in his +possession, Mr. Ventilate was famed. + +My ardour however had felt some trifling abatement, by the very +different picture and panegyric of the law as given by Trottman, +opposed to that I had been contemplating. But I had this very powerful +consolation: that, as Trottman knew very little of what I supposed to +be the true principles of politics, it was highly probable he was no +better acquainted with those of law. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + +_Former resentments revised: Doubts protracted: Conjectures on the +sincerity of a delicate yet firm mind_ + + +Above a fortnight passed away, during which I received no word +of intelligence concerning Olivia. At some moments I felt great +affliction from this suspense: at others I collected myself and +determined to pursue my plan with all the vigour in which it had been +conceived. + +In the interval, I wrote several times to Mr. Evelyn. To this I was +prompted from the very nature of my engagements and situation. Beside +which I had not forgotten my pamphlet against the Earl and the Bishop, +that lay ready for publication; though the acrimony of my feelings was +much abated. The propriety of making the world acquainted with this +affair was one of the subjects of my correspondence with Mr. Evelyn: +to whom I had the candour to state my own opinions and sensations, on +one part; and, on the other, the objections that had been urged by +Turl. + +In the history I had given Mr. Evelyn of myself, I was impelled, +as well by inclination as necessity, to delineate the character of +Turl, with which he could not but be charmed; and with his arguments +and dissuasions on this subject. With these the ideas of Mr. Evelyn +entirely coincided. He wrote delightful letters; full of animation, +feeling, and friendship; and his persuasion therefore had the greater +effect. + +Wilmot concurred in the opinion of both; and, being thus pressed by +the men whom I most loved and revered, I endeavoured to consign my +resentment and its effusions to oblivion, and to dismiss the subject +entirely from my mind. + +At length, my suspense concerning Olivia found some, though far from a +satisfactory, relief. + +As she had paid no visit to Miss Wilmot, the latter of course had +found no opportunity to deliver my letter. One evening, however, as I +was sitting after tea with Miss Wilmot and her brother, a note came of +which the following were the contents. + +'Miss Mowbray presents her kind and tenderest respects to Miss Wilmot, +and informs her that she has been in town for some short time. Assures +her that her not having called is far indeed from any decline of +former friendship, the sincerity of which is invariable: but that +there are motives which prevent her, for the present, from the +enjoyment of that satisfaction. She would have been most happy to have +communicated her thoughts to Miss Wilmot in person: but she is the +slave of circumstances which, for family reasons and indeed from other +motives; she is forbidden to explain; and to which she is obliged +to submit. She confides in the goodness and friendship of Miss +Wilmot, who she is well assured will not misinterpret that which +is unavoidable; and, cherishing the hope of a more favourable +opportunity, wishes her all possible happiness: requesting that, if by +any means in her power it can be increased, Miss Wilmot will acquaint +her with those means: that she may have the wished-for occasion of +proving the ardour and sincerity of her affections. + +'Hertford-street, Nov. 17th' + + * * * * * + +Miss Wilmot gave me this note to read; and the commentary I +immediately made was that, finding I was alive, the fear of a +rencontre with me was the obstacle to her visits. + +They agreed that this was a very probable supposition: but how far +the aunt was any way concerned in it was matter of more uncertain +conjecture. Miss Wilmot knew that Olivia had informed her aunt of the +visits she was before accustomed to make; and, as her ideas concerning +sincerity were delicately strict, it was more than probable that she +had disdained to conceal any of the circumstances with which she +herself was acquainted. I therefore thought it almost indubitable that +she had been no less frank on the present occasion than was habitual +to her on others; and time afterward discovered that my conclusions +were right. + +'With what unequal weapons,' exclaimed I, 'do the lovers of truth and +the adherents of hypocrisy contend!' + +'They do indeed,' replied Wilmot. 'But, contrary I believe to your +supposition, the former have infinitely the advantage: for the latter +systematically deceive themselves.' + +What was to be done? Was I to pursue some covert mode of conveying +my letter? Should I send it openly? Or ought I to let it remain, +and patiently wait the course of events, which, by endeavouring to +forward, I might but retard? Wilmot, who, though he had too much +sympathy to communicate all his fears, had but little expectation, +judging from the failure of his own plans of the success of mine, +advised me to the latter; and, perplexed as I was with doubt and +apprehension, I followed this advice. + + +END OF VOLUME IV + + + + +VOLUME V + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +_A cursory glance at law fictions: Legal suppositions endless: The +professional jargon of an attorney: An enquiry into the integrity of +barristers and the equity of decisions at law: A. and B. or a case +stated: A digression from law to philosophy_ + + +In the mean time, my application to the law was incessant; and +consequently my intercourse with lawyers daily increased. I +endeavoured to load my brain with technical terms and phrases, to +understand technical distinctions, and to acquaint myself with the +history of law fictions, and the reasons on which they had been +founded. + +To these subjects my attention had been turned by Mr. Hilary; who, +being a Solicitor, was well acquainted with the value of them, to the +man who meant to make himself a thorough lawyer. + +The consideration of this branch of law staggered my judgment. +Trottman and Hilary were intimate. The latter had invited us and other +friends to dinner; and, as I found the acuteness of Trottman useful to +me in my pursuits, I took this and every occasion to put questions: +which he was very ready to answer. As it happened, my enquiry on the +subject of law fictions brought on the following dialogue: which was +supported by Trottman entirely in his own style. + +'According to your account then,' said I, in answer to a previous +remark, 'in _Banco Regis_ the King is always _supposed_ to be +present.' + +'No doubt, what question can there be of that? One invisible kind of +being can as easily be supposed as another. And I hope you will not +dispute the actual presence of that pleasant gentleman called the +devil, in any one of our courts?' + +'By no means!' + +'As for his majesty, he, God bless him! by the nature of his office is +_hic et ubique_: here, there, and every where. He is borne in state +before each Corporation Mayor, whether Mr. or My Lord; and reposes +peacefully in front of Mr. Speaker, or the Lord High Chancellor: +investing them by his sacred presence with all their power.' + +'How so?' + +'How so! Do you forget the mace upon the table?' + +'Authority then has that virtue that, like grace divine into a wafer, +it can be transfused into wood.' + +'Yes. A lord's white wand, a general's baton; a constable's staff. It +is thought necessary, I grant, in some of these cases that the block +should be carved and gilded.' + +'Well, the position is that, in _Banco Regis_, the King is always +present.' + +'So says the law.' + +'But the law, it appears, tells a lie; and, from all that I have +heard, I wish it were the only one that it told.' + +'Could the law hear, sir, it would take very grave offence at your +language. It only assumes a fiction.' + +'John Doe and Richard Roe, who are the pledges of prosecution, are +two more of its _supposes_, or lies. I beg pardon. I should have said +fictions.' + +'Why, yes: considering that John Doe and Richard Roe never made their +personal appearance in any court in the kingdom, were never once met, +in house, street, or field, in public, or in private, nay had never +yet the good luck to be born, they have really done a deal of +business.' + +'They resemble Legion, entering the swine: they plunge whole herds +into the depths of destruction.' + +'Or, if you will, they are a kind of real yet invisible hob-goblins: +by whom every human being is liable to be haunted. It must however be +allowed of them that they are a pair of very active and convenient +persons.' + +'To lawyers. But God help the rest of mankind! Are there many of these +fictions?' + +'More than I or any man, I believe, can at one time remember.' + +'From the little I have read, this appears to be a very puzzling part +of the profession.' + +'Not at all; if we will take things as we find them, and neither be +more curious nor squeamish than wise. I will state the process of a +suit to you; and you will then perceive how plain and straight-forward +it is. We will suppose A the plaintiff: B the defendant. A brings his +action by bill. Action you know means this: '_Actio nihil aliud est +quam jus prosequendi injudicium quod sibi debelur_:' or, 'a right of +prosecuting to judgment, for what is due to one's self.' B is and was +_supposed_ to be in the custody of the Marshal. Observe, _supposed to +be_: for very likely B is walking unmolested in his garden; or what +not. B we will say happens to live in Surrey, Kent, or any other +county, except Middlesex; and is _supposed_ to have made his escape, +though perhaps he may have broken his leg, and never have been out of +his own door. And then the latitat _supposes_ that a bill had issued, +and further _supposes_ that it has been returned _non est inventus_, +and moreover _supposes_ it to have been filed. B lives in Kent, you +know; and this latitat is addressed, in _supposition_, to the Sheriff +of the county, greeting; though as to the Sheriff he neither sees, +hears, nor knows any thing concerning it; and informs him that B +(notwithstanding he is confined to his bed by a broken leg) runs up +and down, in _supposition_, and secretes himself in the Sheriff's +county of Kent: on which--' + +'I beg your pardon: I cannot follow you through all this labyrinth of +_supposes_.' + +'No! Then you will never do for a lawyer: for I have but just begun. I +should carry you along an endless chain of them; every link of which +is connected.' + +'And which chain is frequently strong enough to bind and imprison both +plaintiff and defendant.' + +'Certainly: or the law would be as dead in its spirit as it is in its +letter.' + +'I fear I shall never get all the phrases and forms of law by rote.' + +'Why, no. If you did, heaven help you! it would breed a fine confusion +in your brain. You would become as litigious and as unintelligible as +our friend Stradling.' + +'Mr. Stradling,' said Hilary, 'is one of my clients: an unfortunate +man who, being a law-printer, has in the way of trade read so many +law-books, and accustomed himself to such a peculiar jargon, as to +imagine that he is a better lawyer than any of us; so that he has +half-ruined himself by litigation. He is to dine with us, and will +soon be here.' + +'I will provoke him,' continued Trottman, 'to afford you a sample of +his gibberish; you may then examine what degree of instruction you +suppose may be obtained from a heterogeneous topsy-turvy mass of law +phrases.' + +'But why irritate your friend?' + +'You mistake. He has it so eternally on his tongue that, instead of +giving him pain to shew the various methods in which he supposes +he could torment an antagonist at law, it affords him the highest +gratification.' + +'Our friend Hilary here is better qualified for the task of +instruction; but he feels some of your qualms; and is now and then +inclined to doubt that there is vice in the glorious system which +regulates all our actions.' + +'I deny that it regulates them,' said Hilary. 'If people in general +had no more knowledge of right and wrong than they have of law, their +actions would indeed be wretchedly regulated!' + +This was a sagacious remark. It made an impression upon me that was +not forgotten. It suggested the important truth that the pretensions +of law to govern are ridiculous; and that men act, as Hilary justly +affirmed, well or ill according to their sense of right and wrong. + +Mr. Stradling soon after came; and Trottman very artfully led him into +a dispute on a supposed case, which Trottman pretended to defend, and +aggravated him, by contradiction, till Stradling roundly affirmed his +opponent knew nothing of conducting a suit at law. + +The volubility of this gentleman was extraordinary; and the trouble I +thought myself obliged to bestow, at that time, on the subject could +alone have enabled me to remember any part of the jargon he uttered, +in opposition to Trottman: which in substance was as follows. + +'Give me leave to tell you, friend Trottman, you know nothing of the +matter; and I should be very glad I could provoke you to meet me in +Westminster-hall. If I had you but in the Courts, damn me if you +should easily get out!' + +'I tell you once more I would not leave you a coat to your back.' + +'You! Lord help you! I would _traverse_ your indictment, _demur_ to +your plea, bring my _writ of error, nonsuit_ you. Sir, I would _ca sa +fi fa_ you. I would _bar_ you. I would _latitat_ you, _replevin_ you, +_refalo_ you. I would have my _non est inventus_, my _alias_, and +_pluries_, and _pluries_, and _pluries, ad infinitum_. I would have +you in _trover_; in _detinue_; I would send your loving friend Richard +Roe to you. I would _eject_ you. I would make you _confess lease entry +and ouster_. I would file my _bill of Middlesex_; or my _latitat_ +with an _ac etiam_. Nay, I would be a worse plague to you still: I +would have my bill filed in B.R. I would furnish you with a special +original for C.P. You talk! I would sue out my _capias_, _alias_, and +_pluries_, at once; and outlaw you before you should hear one word of +the proceeding.' + +Bless me, thought I, what innumerable ways there are of reducing a man +to beggary and destruction according to law! + +Trottman thus provokingly continued. + +'My dear Mr. Stradling, your brain is bewildered. You go backward and +forward, from one supposition to another, and from process to process, +till you really don't know what you say. If I were your opponent, in +any Court in the kingdom, I should certainly make the law provide you +a lodging for the rest of your life.' + +'Bring your action! That's all! Bring your action, and observe how +finely I will _nonpros_ you: or reduce you to a _nolle prosequi_. You +think yourself knowing? Pshaw. I have nonsuited fifty more cunning +fellows, in my time; and shall do fifty more.' + +God help them! thought I. + +'I have laid many a pert put by the heels. You pretend to carry an +action through the Courts with me! Why, sir, I have helped to ruin +three men of a thousand a year; and am in a fair way, at this very +hour, of doing as much for a Baronet of five times the property.' + +I listened in astonishment. + +'And do you take a pleasure in remembering this?' said Hilary. + +'Pleasure!' answered Stradling; staring. 'Why, do you think, Mr. +Hilary, I should have taken a pleasure in ruining myself? What did +I do but act according to the laws of my country? And, if men will +oppose me, and pretend to understand those laws better than I do, let +them pay for their ignorance and their presumption. Let them respect +the law, or let their brats go beg.' + +'The law I find, sir,' said I, 'has no compassion.' + +'Compassion, indeed! No, sir. Compassion is a fool; and the law is +wise.' + +'In itself I hope it is: but I own I doubt the wisdom of its +practice.' + +'But this practice, you must know,' said Trottman, with a wink to +Stradling, 'Mr. Trevor means to reform.' + +'Oh,' replied Stradling, 'then I suppose, when the gentleman is at +the bar, he will never accept a brief, till he has first examined the +equity of the case.' + +'That, sir,' I replied, 'is my firm intention.' + +'Ha, ha, ha! Mr. Trevor, you are a young man! You will know better in +time.' + +'And do you imagine, sir, that I will ever hire myself to chicanery, +and be the willing promoter of fraud? If I do, may I live hated, and +die despised!' + +'Ay, ay! Very true! I don't remember that I ever met with a youth, +who had just begun to keep his terms, who did not profess much the +same. And, which is well worthy of remark, those that have been most +vehement in these professions have been most famous, when they came to +the bar, for undertaking and gaining the rottenest causes.' + +'You shall find however, sir, that I shall be an exception to this +rule.' + +'Excuse me, Mr. Trevor, for not too hastily crediting hasty +assertions. I know mankind as well as I know the law. However, I can +only tell you that if your practice keep pace with your professions, +you will never be Lord Chief Justice.' + +'Do the judges then encourage barristers, who undertake the defence of +bad and base actions?' + +'To be sure they do. They sometimes shake their heads and look grave: +but we know very well they defended such themselves: or, as I tell +you, they would never have been judges. If two men have a dispute, +one of them must be in the wrong. And who is able to pronounce which, +except the law?' + +'My dear Mr. Stradling,' said Trottman, 'you are again out of your +depth. When two men dispute, it almost always happens that they are +both in the wrong. And this is the glorious resource of law; and the +refuge of its counsellors, and its judges.' + +Trottman and Stradling were accustomed to each other's manner; and, +notwithstanding the language they used, nothing more was meant than a +kind of jocular sparring: which would now and then forget itself for a +moment, and become waspish; but would recollect and recover its temper +the next sentence. + +I replied to Trottman--'It is true that, when two men dispute, it +generally happens they are both in the wrong. But one is always more +in the wrong than the other; and it should be the business of lawyers +to examine, and of the law to decide upon, their different degrees of +error.' + +'What, sir!' exclaimed Stradling. 'If you were counsel in a cause for +plaintiff A, instead of exposing the blunders and wrongs of defendant +B, would you enquire into those of your own client?' + +'I would enquire impartially into both.' + +'And if you knew any circumstance which would infallibly insure +plaintiff a nonsuit, you would declare it to the Court?' + +'I would declare the truth, and the whole truth.' + +'Here's doctrine! Here's law!' + +'No,' said Trottman; 'it is not law. It is reform.' + +'It ought to be law. As an advocate, I am a man who hire out my +knowledge and talents for the avowed purpose of doing justice; and +am to consider neither plaintiff nor defendant, but justice only. +Otherwise, I should certainly be the vilest of rascals!' + +'Heyday!' thundered Stradling: and, after a pause, added--'It is my +opinion, those words are liable to a prosecution, Mr. Trevor; and, by +G----, if you were to be cast in any one of our Courts for them, it +would be no fault either of the bench or the bar if the sentence of +the law, which you are defaming, did not shut you up for life!' + +'My friend Trevor mistakes the nature of the profession he is +studying,' added Trottman. 'He forgets that the question before a +Court is not, what is this, that, or the other; which he may think +proper to call justice; but, what is the law?' + +'To be sure, sir;' continued Stradling. 'It is that which, as a +lawyer, you must attend to; and that only.' + +'I will cite you an example,' said Trottman. + +'A was a gentleman of great landed property. B was an impertinent +beggarly kind of sturdy fellow, his neighbour. A had an estate in +the county of ---- that lay in a ring-fence: a meadow of nine acres +excepted, which belonged to B. This meadow it was convenient for A +to purchase; and he sent his steward, who was an attorney, to make +proposals. B rejected them. The steward advised A to buy the estate +that belonged to C, but that was farmed by B. The advice was followed. +The lease of B expired the following year; and a new one was denied by +A, unless B would sell his meadow. B consented. A bought the meadow, +but determined to have his revenge. For this purpose A refused +payment, and provoked B to commence an action. The law he knew very +well was on the side of B: but that was of little consequence. +Plaintiff B brought his action in Trinity Term. Defendant A pleaded +a sham plea: asserted plaintiff had been paid for his meadow, by +a firkin of butter: [All a lie, you know.] long vacation was thus +got over, and next term defendant files a bill in Chancery, to stay +proceedings at law. Plaintiff B files his answer, and gets the +injunction dissolved: but A had his writ ready and became plaintiff +in error, carried it through all the Courts: from K.B. to the +Exchequer-chamber; and from the Exchequer-chamber, as A very well knew +that B had no more money, A brought error into Parliament; by which +B was obliged to drop proceedings. His attorney, of course, would +not stir a step further; and the fool was ruined. He was afterward +arrested by his attorney for payment of bill in arrear; and he now +lies in prison, on the debtors'-side of Newgate.' + +'How you stare, Mr. Trevor!' added Stradling. 'Every word true. We all +know a great lord who has carried I cannot tell how many such causes.' + +'And were the judges,' said I, 'acquainted with the whole of these +proceedings?' + +'How could they be ignorant of them? Judgment had passed against +defendant A in all the Courts.' + +'And did they afford the plaintiff no protection?' + +'They protect! Why, Mr. Trevor, you imagine yourself in Turkey, +telling your tale to a Cady, who decides according to his notions +of right and wrong; and not pleading in the presence of a bench of +English judges, who have twice ten thousand volumes to consult as +their guides which leave them no opinion of their own. It is their +duty to pronounce sentence as the statute-books direct: or, as in the +case I have cited, according to precedent, time immemorial.' + +'And this is what you call law?' + +'Ay! and sound law too.' + +'Why then, damn the--' + +'You do right to stop short, sir.' + +'It appears to me that I am travelling in a cursed dirty as well as +thorny road,' said I, with a sigh. + +'Why, to own the truth,' added Trottman, 'you must meet with a +little splashing: and, unless you can turn back and look at it with +unconcern, I should scarcely advise you to proceed.' + +'I shall certainly reconsider the subject!' + +'A pair of lawyers, like a pair of legs, are apt to bespatter each +other: but they nevertheless remain good friends and brothers. If you +send your spaniel into a muddy pool, you ought to take care, when he +comes out, that he does not shake the filth he has collected over his +master.' + +'I wonder, sir, that you should continue one of a profession which you +treat with such unsparing severity.' + +'And I, sir, do not wonder at your wonderings. Life is a long road; +and he must have travelled a very little way indeed who expects that +it should be all a bowling-green. Pursue your route in which direction +you will, law, trade, physic, or divinity, and prove to me that you +will never have occasion to shake off the dust from your feet in +testimony against it, and I will then pause and consider. You are of +the sect of the Perfectibles.' + +'And you of the cast of the Stand-stills.' + +'Oh no. I conceive myself to be among children at a fair, riding in +a round-about. Like the globe they inhabit, men are continually in +motion: but they can never pass their circle.' + +'And do you suppose you know the limits of your circle?' + +'Within a trifle. The experience of states, empires, and ages has +decided that question with tolerable accuracy.' + +'But, what if a power should have arisen, of which you have not had +the experience of states, empires and ages; except of a very small +number? And what if this partial experience, as far as it goes, should +entirely overthrow your hypothesis?' + +'I know that, in argument, your _if_ is a very renowned potentate. If +the moon should happen to be a cheese, it may some time or another +chance to fall about our ears in a shower of maggots. But what is this +mighty power, that has done so much in so short a time; and from which +you expect so many more miracles?' + +'It is the art of printing. When knowledge was locked up in Egyptian +temples, or secreted by Indian Bramins for their own selfish traffic, +it was indeed difficult to increase this imaginary circle of yours: +but no sooner was it diffused among mankind, by the discovery of the +alphabet, than, in a short period, it was succeeded by the wonders of +Greece and Rome. And now, that its circulation is facilitated in so +incalculable a degree, who shall be daring enough to assert his puny +standard is the measure of all possible futurity? I am amazed, sir, +that a man of your acuteness, your readiness of wit, and your strength +of imagination, can persist in such an affirmative!' + +'The _argumentum ad hominem_. Very sweet and delectable. Thank you, +sir.' + +'Every thing is subject to change: why not therefore to improvement? +That change is inevitable there are proofs look where you will: +that which is called innovation must consequently be indispensible. +Examine the history of your own science. When England was infested +with wolves, we are told that King Edgar imposed an annual tribute of +thirty wolves' heads on the Welsh Princes; that the breed might be +extirpated. Had this tribute been levied, after the race was partly +destroyed, the law would have counteracted its own intention: for, in +order to pay the tax, the tributary Princes must have encouraged the +breed; and once more have stocked the country with wolves.' + +Stradling was little better than infected with what have been lately +stigmatised by the appellation of Jacobinical principles, and +exclaimed, with great exultation--'Your remark is very true, sir; and +it is an example that will serve admirably well to illustrate another +point. Placemen and pensioners, a race more ravenous and infinitely +more destructive than wolves, have been propagated for the support of +the Executive Government; and the breed increases so rapidly that it +will very soon devour its feeders.' + +'And next itself.' + +'With all my heart! Let me but see that vermin extirpated, and I shall +die in peace!' + +'Very right, Mr. Stradling;' said Trottman, with great gravity. +'Placemen, and pensioners are vile vermin! And so will remain, till +your party comes into office.' + +'If ever I could be brought to accept of place, or pension, may I--!' + +'I believe you: for I am well persuaded your virtue will never be put +to the trial. Otherwise, I should imagine, it would find as many good +arguments, I mean precedents, in favour of the regular practice in +politics as in law.' + +Here our dialogue paused. Dinner was announced, and law, politics, and +patriotism were for a while forgotten, by all except myself, in the +enjoyments of venison and old port. + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +_More painful doubts, and further enquiries: Unexpected encouragement +and warm affections from a character before supposed to be too cold: +Hope strengthened and confirmed_ + + +Desultory as the conversation I have recited had been, it left a very +deep impression upon my mind. It was roundly asserted, by every lawyer +to whom I put the question, that the whole and sole business of a +counsellor was the defence of his client. Right or wrong, it was his +duty to gain his cause; and, with respect to the justice of it, into +that, generally speaking, it was impossible that he should enquire. +Briefs were frequently put into his hand as he entered the Court; +which he was to follow as instructed. + +It did now and then happen that a cause was so infamous as to put even +the hacknied brow of a barrister to the blush: but it must be a vile +one indeed! And even then, when he threw up his brief, though paid +before he began to plead, it was matter of admiration to meet so +disinterested an example of virtue, in an advocate. + +It was in the practice of the law that I hoped to have taken refuge, +against the arguments of Turl: which, averse as I had been to listen, +proved even to me that, in principle, it was not to be defended. + +The train of thinking that followed these deductions was so very +painful that I was obliged to fly from them; and seek advice and +confirmation in the friendship of Wilmot, before I should write on the +subject to Mr. Evelyn. For the latter task indeed my mind was not yet +sufficiently calm, collected, and determined. + +My chief consolation was that the subject had thus been strongly +brought to the test of enquiry, before the expiration of the month +which, according to agreement, I was to be with Counsellor Ventilate, +previous to the payment of my admission-fee; of which, as it was a +heavy one, thus to have robbed the charities of Mr. Evelyn would have +given me excessive anguish. + +I know not whether I was sorry or glad when I came to Wilmot's +lodging, to find Turl there. He had returned from his bathing +excursion; having been called back sooner than he expected by his +affairs. + +He was cheerful, and in excellent spirits. His complexion was clear, +his health improved, and his joy at our meeting was evident and +unaffected. He even owned that, hearing I had devoted myself to the +law, he had returned thus soon the more willingly once again to argue +the question with me: for that he felt himself very highly interested +in the future employment of talents of which he had conceived +extraordinary hopes; and that he thought it impossible they should be +devoted to such a confusing study, were there no other objection to +it, as that of the law, without being, not only perverted and abused, +but, in a great degree, stifled. + +After an avowal like this, it required an effort in me to summon up +my resolution, and honestly state the doubts and difficulties that +had arisen in my own mind. It was happy for me that my friends were +men whose habitual sincerity prompted me to a similar conduct. I +therefore took courage, opened my heart, and, while describing my +own sensations, was impelled to confess that the practice of the law +could with great difficulty indeed be reconciled to the principles of +undeviating honesty. + +'I most sincerely rejoice,' said Turl, 'that these doubts have been +suggested to you by other people, rather than by me: for I am very +desirous you should not continue to think me too prone to censure. +And, in addition to them, I would have you take a retrospect of +your plan. To induce you to despond is a thing which I would most +sedulously avoid: but to suffer you to delude yourself with the hopes +of sudden wealth (and when I say sudden, I would give you a term of +ten years) from the practice of the law, unless you should plunge +into that practice with the most unqualified disregard to all +that rectitude demands, would be to act the cowardly disingenuous +hypocrite; and entirely to forget the first and best duties of +friendship. + +'Should you ask--"What path then am I to pursue?" I own I am totally +at a loss for an answer. The choice must be left to yourself. You are +not ignorant that it is infinitely more easy to point out mistakes, +which have been and still continue to be committed daily, than to +teach how they may be entirely avoided. Of this I am well assured, if +you will confide in and exert those powers of mind that you possess, +they must lead you to a degree of happiness of the enjoyment of which, +I am sorry to say, but few are capable. + +'From my own experience and from that of all the young men I meet, +who are thrown upon the world, I find that the period which is most +critical and full of danger, is the one during which they are obliged +unsupported to seek a grateful and worthy way of employing their +talents. + +'My own resource has been that of cheerfully submitting to what are +called the hardships of obscure poverty; and of consoling myself, +not only with a firm persuasion that by this course in time I shall +infallibly change the scene, but that, till this time shall come, I +am employing myself on the subjects which can best afford me present +satisfaction. That is, in endeavours, however narrow and feeble, to +enlarge the boundaries of human happiness; and by means like these to +find a sufficiency for my own support. + +'I know not that I ought to advise you to pursue a similar plan: +though I can truly say I am unacquainted with any other, which is +equally promising. + +'How to answer or appease the imperious demands of your present ruling +passion I cannot devise. Neither can I say that I am convinced it is +blameable except in its excess. That you should desire to obtain so +rare and inestimable a treasure as that of a woman who, not to insist +upon her peculiar beauty, is possessed of the high faculties with +which she whom you love is affirmed to be endowed, is an ambition +which my heart knows not how to condemn as unworthy. There is +something in it so congenial to all my own feelings that to see you +united to her would give me inexpressible pleasure. + +'You will perhaps be surprised to hear me own that, notwithstanding +the obstacles are so numerous that I have no perception of the manner +in which they are to be overcome, I yet rejoice with you that you have +discovered such a woman; that she has assuredly a rooted affection +for you; and that you have thus obtained one advantage over all your +friends, a strong and unconquerable motive to outstrip them in your +efforts. + +'Shall I add that, desperate as your case seems to be, I participate +in your sanguine hopes? I do not deem them entirely romantic, but +share in that which the phlegmatic would call the frenzy of your mind; +and half-persuade myself that you will finally be victorious. + +'Then summon up your fortitude. Do not suffer the failure of +ill-concerted plans either to lessen your ardour or give it a rash +and dangerous direction. Be cool in decision, warm in pursuit, and +unwearied in perseverance. Time is a never failing friend, to those +who have the discernment to profit by the opportunities he offers. +Let your eye be on the alert, and your hand active and firm, as +circumstances shall occur, and I shall then say I scarcely know what +it is that you may not hope to achieve!' + +Wilmot stood with his head resting on his arm, leaning against the +mantle-piece. When Turl began, his eye was cast down, a compassionate +melancholy overspread his countenance, and a deep sigh broke from him +unperceived by himself. As our mutual friend proceeded, his attitude +altered, his head was raised, his eye brightened, his features glowed, +his soul was wrapt in the visions which were raised by Turl, and, +unconscious of his own existence or that he spoke, his interrupting +ejaculations now and then involuntarily burst forth--'That is +true!--Well argued!--Do you think so?--Indeed!--I am glad of +that!--Don't despond, Trevor! Don't despond!--'Tis folly to despond!' + +Just as he repeated the last sentence, ''Tis folly to despond,' so +full a remembrance of his former trains of thought came over him, and +there was so divine a mixture of hope and melancholy in his face, +which seemed so to reproach himself and to encourage me, that, divided +as my feelings were between the generous emanations of Turl and these +torrents of affection from a man who had suffered so deeply, I seized +the hand of each, pressed them both to my heart, instantly dropped +them again, covered my face, fell against the wall, and sobbed with +something like hysteric passion. + +Of all the pleasures of which the soul is capable, those of friendship +for man and love for woman are the most exquisite. They may be +described as--'the comprehensive principle of benevolence, which binds +the whole human race to aid and love each other, individualized; and +put into its utmost state of activity.' Selfishness may deride them; +and there may be some so haunted by suspicion, or so hardened in vice +as to doubt or deny their existence. But he that has felt them in +their fullest force has the best as well as the grandest standard of +human nature; and the purest foretaste of the joys that are in store, +for the generations that are to come. + +This is the spirit that is to harmonize the world; and give reality to +those ideal gardens of paradise, and ages of gold, the possibility of +which, as the records of fable shew, could scarcely escape even savage +ignorance. + +What clue shall I give the reader to my heart, that shall lead him +into its recesses; and enable him to conceive its entire sensations? +That Turl, from whom I imagined I had met so much discouragement, +whose scrutinizing eye led him to examine with such severity, and +whose firm understanding possessed such powers of right decision, that +he should not only sympathize with me but partake in my best hopes, +and countenance me in my soul's dearest pursuit, that Turl should feel +and act thus, was a joy inconceivably great, and unexpected! + +He now no longer appeared to me as one to whom, though I could not but +revere him, I durst not confess myself; but as a generous, anxious, +and tender friend. My former flashes of hope had usually been +succeeded by a gloomy despair, that made me half suspect myself to be +frantic: but, after this concession and encouragement from Turl, they +seemed instantly to spring into consistency, probability, and system. + +Turl highly approved my forbearance, and caution, respecting the +letter I had written and was so anxious to convey to Olivia. + +This farther coincidence of opinion not only induced me to persevere +in my plan, but afforded me a degree of grateful satisfaction, and +self-respect, that was exceedingly consolatory. + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +_More traits of the character of Mr. Evelyn: A new project of a very +flattering nature: Borough interest and a patriotic Baronet_ + + +It may well be supposed that Turl was induced to enquire, and I to +explain, the means by which I should have been enabled to pursue +the study of the law: for he had heard of my misfortunes, and the +dissipation of my finances. + +This brought the behaviour and character of Mr. Evelyn in review: and +the admiration of Turl, with the terms of affection and respect in +which he spoke of that gentleman, was additional delight. He had never +entertained any serious doubt, he said, but that such men existed: +perhaps many of them: yet to discover a single one was an unexpected +and, to say the truth, a very uncommon pleasure. + +But Mr. Evelyn was to be made acquainted with my change of sentiment; +and of my being once more destitute of any plan for my future +guidance. It was necessary that he should not deem me a man of +unsettled principles; frivolous in propensity, and fantastic in +conduct. For, though perhaps my pride would have felt gratification at +no longer considering myself a dependent on the favourable opinion or +calculations which another might form concerning me, and my good or +ill qualities, yet I could not endure to sink in his esteem. + +I therefore applied myself, immediately, in the most assiduous manner, +to collect and state such facts as I had gathered, relative to the +practice of the law: and, that the argument might be placed in the +clearest light possible, I begged of Turl to take that part of the +subject which related to its principles upon himself. + +Thus provided, I wrote to Mr. Evelyn; and my letter was fortunate +enough to produce its desired effect. + +Nor was he satisfied with mere approbation. His anxious and generous +friendship would not suffer him to rest; and he immediately made a +journey to town, to consult with me, since this project was rejected, +what should be my new pursuit. + +His behaviour verified all the assertions of his former discourse, +concerning the hopes that he had conceived of my talents. He +considered nothing within the scope of his fortune as too great a +sacrifice, if it could but promote the end he desired. For this +purpose he not only consulted with Wilmot, and Turl, but led me into +such conversations as might best display the bent of my genius; and +afford him hints, on which to act. + +And now he was induced to form a design such as I little expected; and +which required of me the acceptance of obligations so great as well +might stagger me, and render it difficult for me to consent. + +He had remarked that my enunciation was clear and articulate, my +language flowing, my voice powerful, and my manner pre-possessing. +Such were the terms which he used, in describing these qualities +in me. The youthful manliness of my figure, he said, added to the +properties I have mentioned, was admirably adapted for parliamentary +oratory. My elocution and deportment were commanding; and principles +such as mine might awe corruption itself into respect, and aid to +rouse a nation, and enlighten a world. Mr. Evelyn, like myself, was +very much of an enthusiast. + +He did not immediately communicate the project to me: which was indeed +first suggested to him by accidental circumstances: but previously +examined whether it was, as he supposed it to be, possible to be +carried into effect. + +Sir Barnard Bray had the nomination of two borough members: one of +which he personated himself, and disposed of the other seat, as is the +custom, to a candidate who should be of his party; and consequently +vote according to his opinion. + +He had long been the loud and fast friend of Opposition. No man was +more determined in detecting error, more hot in his zeal, or more +vociferous in accusation, than Sir Barnard: his dear and intimate +friend, the right honourable Mr. Abstract, excepted; who was indeed +pepper, or rather gunpowder itself. + +Mr. Evelyn was the cousin of this patriotic baronet. + +It happened just then to be the eve of a general election; and, as the +last member of Sir Barnard had been so profligate, or so patriotic, as +the worthy member himself repeatedly and solemnly declared he was, as +to vote with the Minister, who had previously given him a place and +promised to secure his return for a Treasury borough, Mr. Evelyn, +knowing these circumstances, was persuaded that the Baronet would be +happy to find a representative for _his_ constituents, whose eloquence +added to his own should avenge him on the Minister; if not tumble him +from the throne he had usurped. + +Mr. Evelyn and the Baronet were on intimate terms: for Sir Barnard +took a particular pleasure in every man who perfectly agreed with him +in opinion; and, though this definition would not accurately apply to +Mr. Evelyn, yet, on the great leading points in politics they seldom +differed. + +As to morals, as a science, Sir Barnard on many occasions would affect +to treat it with that common-place contempt which always accompanies +the supposition of the original and unconquerable depravity of man; +of the verity of which the Baronet had a rooted conviction. In this +hypothesis he was but confirmed by his burgage-tenure voters, by +the conduct of the members he had himself returned, and by certain +propensities which he felt in his own breast, and which he seriously +believed to be instinctive in man. + +Beside, if Mr. Evelyn differed at any time in opinion with a +disputant, the suavity of his manners was so conciliatory that +opposition, from him, was sometimes better received than agreement, +and coincidence, from other people. This suavity, by the by, is a +delightful art. Would it were better understood, and more practised! + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +_Sage remarks on the seduction of young orators, the influence of the +crown, and the corruption of our glorious constitution: Old and new +nobility: Poor old England: Necessary precautions: The man with an +impenetrable face_ + + +Full of the project he had conceived, Mr. Evelyn visited the Baronet, +who happened to be in town, and proposed it to him in the manner which +he thought might most prepossess him in my favour. + +Sir Barnard listened attentively, and paused. + +It happened that he had lately been meditating on the danger of +introducing young orators into parliament: for he had found, by +experience, that they are so marketable a commodity as to be almost +certain of being bought up. The trick he had himself been played was +bitterly remembered; and he had known and heard of several instances, +during his parliamentary career, of a similar kind. + +Yet he could not but recollect that, when he and his former spokesman +had entered the house, arm in arm, there was a sort of buzz, and a +degree of respect paid to him, which had instantly diminished as soon +as this support was gone. + +There is something of dignity in the use of crutches; and he that +cannot walk alone commands attention, from his imbecility. + +'I do not know what to think of this plan,' said the Baronet. 'I find +your flowery speakers are no more to be depended upon, in the present +day, than the oldest drudges in corruption! + +'You know, cousin, how I hate corruption. It is undoing us all, It +will undo the nation! The influence of the crown is monstrous. The +aristocracy is degraded by annual batches of mundungus and parchment +lords; and the constitution is tumbling about our ears. The old +English spirit is dead. The nation has lost all sense and feeling. +The people are so vile and selfish that they are bought and sold like +swine; to which, for my part, I think they have been very properly +compared. There is no such thing now as public virtue. No, no! That +happy time is gone by! Every man is for all he can get; and as for the +means, he cares nothing about them. There is absolutely no such thing +as patriotism existing; and, to own the truth, damn me if I believe +there is a man in the kingdom that cares one farthing for those rights +and liberties, about which so many people that you and I know pretend +to bawl!' + +'This is a severe supposition indeed. It implicates your dearest and +most intimate friends. Only recollect, Sir Barnard, what would your +feelings be, if the same thing should be asserted of you?' + +'Of me, truly! No, no, cousin Evelyn; I think I have been pretty +tolerably tried! The Minister knows very well he could move the +Monument sooner than me. I love the people; and am half mad to see +that they have no love for themselves. Why do not they meet? Why do +not they petition? Why do not they besiege the throne with their +clamors? They are no better than beasts of burthen! If they were any +thing else, the whole kingdom would rise, as one man, and drive this +arrogant upstart from the helm. I say, Mr. Evelyn, I love the people; +I love my country; I love the constitution; and I hate the swarms of +mushroom peers, and petty traders, that are daily pouring in upon us, +to overturn it.' + +Was it weakness of memory? Was it the blindness of egotism? Or was it +inordinate stupidity, that Sir Barnard should forget, as he constantly +did, that his father had been a common porter in a warehouse, had +raised an immense fortune by trade, had purchased the boroughs which +descended to his son, and had himself been bought with the title +of Baronet by a former minister? Was it so very long ago, that Sir +Barnard, with such a swell of conscious superiority, should begin to +talk of the antiquity of his family? But, above all, how did he happen +not to recollect that the disappointment which now preyed upon and +cankered his heart was the refusal of a peerage? + +I really can give no satisfactory answer to these questions. I can +only state a fact: which daily occurs in a thousand other instances. + +Mr. Evelyn brought the Baronet back to the point; and remarked to him +that, at the present period, when the Minister was so powerful in +numbers, to bring in a mere yes and no member with himself would be +a certain mode of not serving the country, the constitution, and the +people, whom he so dearly loved; that the safety which is derived +from a man's insignificance is but a bad pledge; and that he thought +himself very certain I was as dear, nay and as incorruptible, a lover +of old England, or at least of the welfare of mankind, as Sir Barnard +himself. + +'Shew me such a man, cousin,' exclaimed the Baronet, 'and I will +worship him! I will worship him, Mr. Evelyn! I will worship him! But +I am persuaded he is not to be found. I have learned, from too fatal +experience, that I am certain of nobody but myself! Small as the +number in Opposition is, if they were but all as sound-hearted as I +am, and would set their shoulders to the wheel and lay themselves out +for the good of their country as I do, I say it, Mr. Evelyn, and take +my word for it I say true, we should overturn the Minister and his +corrupt gang in six months! Nay, in half the time! However, as you are +so strongly persuaded of the soundness of the gentleman's principles +whom you recommend, let me see him, and talk to him; and then I will +tell you more of my opinion.' + +'There is one point, Sir Barnard, on which I suppose I need not +insist; it is so obvious.' + +'What is that, cousin?' + +'You being as you state a man of principle, and incapable of being +biassed to act against what you conceive to be the good of the nation, +you must expect that every man, who resembles you in patriotism and +fortitude, will act from himself, and will resist any attempt to +control him.' + +'Oh, as to that, we need say nothing about it. Those things are never +mentioned, now-a-days: they are perfectly understood. But who is your +young friend? Is he a man of property?' + +'No.' + +He will be the more manageable, thought Sir Barnard. + +'Where will he get a qualification?' + +'I will provide him with one.' + +'You say he is a gentleman.' + +'As I understand the term, he certainly is: for, in addition to those +manners and accomplishments which are most pleasing to the world, he +not only possesses a good education but a sense of justice which makes +him regard every man as his brother; and which will neither suffer him +to crouch to the haughty nor trample on the poor.' + +'Why, that is very good. Very right. I myself will crouch to no man. +And, as for modesty and humility, in the youth of the present day, +why they are very rarely found: and so I shall be happy to meet with +them.' + +'Nay, but Mr. Trevor delivers his sentiments with rather an unguarded +freedom, and with peculiar energy, or indeed he would be ill qualified +to rise in the assembly of which I wish to see him a member, and +undauntedly oppose the arrogant assertions that are there daily made.' + +'Arrogant! G---- confound me, Mr. Evelyn, if I am not sometimes struck +dumb, with what I hear in that house! There is that Scotchman in +particular, who will get up, after our allies have been defeated, our +troops driven like sheep from swamp to swamp, where they die of the +rot, and our ships carried by hundreds into the enemy's ports, and +will roundly assert, notwithstanding these facts are as notorious as +his own political profligacy, that our victories are splendid, our +armies undiminished, and our trade protected and flourishing beyond +all former example! He makes my hair stand on end to hear him! And +when I look in his face, and see the broad familiar easy impudence +with which he laughs at me and all of us, for our astonishment, why, +as I tell you, damn me if I am not dumb-founded! I am struck all of +a heap! I have not a word! I am choaked with rage, and amazement! +Compared to him your brothel-keeper is a modest person! Were but our +fortresses as impenetrable as his forehead, curse me if they would +ever be taken. He is bomb-proof. The returns that lie on the table can +make no impression upon him; and you may see him sneer and laugh if +they are pointed to in the course of an argument. + +'In short, cousin Evelyn, the nation is ruined. I see that clear +enough. Our constitution will soon be changed to a pure despotism. +Barracks are building; soldiers line our streets: our commission of +the peace is filled with the creatures of a corrupt administration; +constables are only called out to keep up the farce; and we are at +present under little better than a military government.' + +Though Mr. Evelyn would have been better satisfied, had Sir Barnard's +sense of national grievances been equally strong but less acrimonious, +yet he was pleased to find that these grievances were now more than +ever become a kind of common-place bead roll of repetitions: of which +their being so familiarly run over by the Baronet was sufficient +proof: for a people that are continually talking of the evils that +afflict them are not, as Sir Barnard and others have supposed, dead to +these evils. The nation that remarks, discusses, and complains of its +wrongs, will finally have them redressed. + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +_Serious doubts on serious subjects: Personal qualms, and +considerations: An interview with Sir Barnard: Fears and precautions, +or a burnt child dreads the fire_ + + +What farther passed in the conversation I have recited was of little +moment: except that an appointment was made, on the following day, for +me to be introduced to the Baronet. + +Thus far successful, Mr. Evelyn returned; and, as he was a man of +a firm and ingenuous mind, he thought it adviseable to hold a +consultation with me and my friends, on the prosecution of his plan. + +That personal considerations might in no degree influence the enquiry, +he first proposed the question, without intimating to what it might +lead, of--'how far it became a virtuous man to accept a seat, on +those conditions under which a seat only can be obtained, among the +representatives of the people?' + +Without wearying the reader with the arguments that were adduced, let +it suffice to inform him that we all agreed it was a very doubtful +case; that, in this as in numerous other instances, manners, customs, +and laws, obliged us to conform to many things which were odiously +vicious; and that to live in society and rigidly observe those rules +of justice which would best promote the general happiness was, +speaking absolutely, a thing impossible. + +Whether the greatest political characters would best fulfil their +duties by refusing to submit to the corrupt influence of elections, +to test-oaths, and to the mischiefs of ministerial management within +the walls, or whether they ought to comply with them, and exert their +utmost faculties in pointing out these evils and endeavouring to have +them redressed, was a point on which we all seemed to think the wisest +men might suspend their judgment. + +In one thing we appeared to be entirely agreed: which was that such +pernicious practices were in all probability more frequently exposed, +and brought into public discussion, through the medium of an assembly +like this, than they would be did no such assembly exist. + +Neither must I detail what afterward passed, before I was brought to +accept the proposal of Mr. Evelyn. It would be tedious. + +This proposal did not confine itself to the single act of giving me +a seat in parliament; and of furnishing me with a qualification. It +insisted that the qualification should be a real and not a fictitious +deed. + +To accept the actual possession of three hundred a-year as a bounty, +for which I could make no return, was I own humiliating to my pride. +It made the question continually recur--'Whether it did not give me +the air of an impostor? A kind of swindler of sentiment? A pretender +to superior virtue, for the purpose of gratifying vice?' It seemed at +a blow to rob me of all independence; and leave me a manacled slave to +the opinions, not only of Mr. Evelyn, but, by a kind of consignment, +of his relation the Baronet; and even to both their humours. + +In fine, it was a most painful sacrifice; and required all the amenity +and active friendship of Mr. Evelyn to bring to my mind, not only my +duties, but, the power that I should have at any time of resigning +my seat, returning the deeds, and sheltering myself in my primitive +poverty. + +To this I added a condition, without which my refusal would have +been absolute. It was that I should give a deed of mortgage, bearing +interest, to the full value of the lands assigned. + +I shall forbear to dwell on sensations that were very active at the +moment; which, on one hand, related to all that concerned Mr. Evelyn, +my obligations, and something like dependence; and, on the other, to +my sudden promised elevation toward the sphere in which my ambition +was so eagerly desirous to move. Neither will I insist on that which +caused my heart to beat yet more high, the approach that I thus made +to the lovely object of all my wishes. + +Leaving this endless train of meditation, I proceed to relate events +as they occurred. + +I attended Mr. Evelyn, according to appointment; and paid my respects +to his cousin, Sir Barnard. Having engaged myself thus far, I own I +was sufficiently piqued to desire to make a favourable impression: in +which I was almost as successful as I myself had hoped. + +At the first sight of me the Baronet was prepossessed; and when we +entered into conversation and he gave me an opportunity of uttering my +sentiments concerning men and measures, I painted so forcibly that he +was almost in raptures. + +The only circumstance in which I failed was my frequent interruption, +and impatience, when he in turn began to declaim. I had the vice of +orators: I heard no man's arguments, or language, that pleased me so +well as my own. I could not listen without an irritating anxiety, +that was for ever prompting me to supply a word, suggest a thought, +or detect a blunder. And, to a man who loves to make a speech, it is +intolerably mortifying to hear himself corrected, and cut short, in +the middle of a sentence. + +However I was sufficiently guarded not to give any offence that was +strong enough to be remembered; and Sir Barnard was so thoroughly +engrossed, by the idea of the conspicuous figure which he and his new +member should make in the house, that he was absolutely impatient to +secure me: being fully persuaded that he had discovered a treasure; +of which now, at a general election, he was in considerable danger of +being robbed. + +The only precaution he took was to draw from me repeated asseverations +that I would not desert the cause of the people: by which, as I +afterward found, he understood his own private opinions; and not +that which he had literally expressed. On this head he seemed never +satisfied; and the terms in which he spoke, both of the member who had +deserted him and of all political tergiversation whatever, were the +bitterest that his memory could supply. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +_A dinner party, and fortune in good humour: The opera house, and +small talk: Sagacious female discoveries: Olivia, and the art of +fascinating: An old acquaintance suddenly seen and dreaded, though +despised: Timely recollection: The opera great room, and more +discoveries_ + + +These points settled, the Baronet proposed to introduce me to his +friends and connections, particularly of the political kind. For this +purpose he began with inviting me and Mr. Evelyn to dine with him on +the Friday following, when he was to have a mixed party of ladies and +gentlemen, but chiefly of such as agreed with him on public affairs. + +When the day came, I was presented to the company by the Baronet with +encomiums, and seated on the left of Lady Bray. A Scotch lord was on +her right: it being her ladyship's custom to divide the ladies and +gentlemen. + +A young fellow properly introduced, if he be new in the circles of +fashion and possessed of a tolerable figure, is in no danger of being +ill received. I had not indeed learned to be an adept at small talk: +a qualification which, contemptible as it is, will supply the want +of every superior requisite, whether of mind or person: but I had an +aptitude to oblige, be attentive, and speak the moment I found I had +any thing to say. + +I had laid no plan on this occasion: not having then read, or not +remembering, I know not which, Lord Chesterfield's sage reflections, +on the necessity of a statesman's being well with the ladies. +It happened however that, on this occasion, I was received with +distinguished marks of approbation by the dear angels: from several of +whom I received visiting-invitations. + +Music and the opera were among the topics on which they conversed. I +was found to be an amateur; and Lady Bray was one of the dilettanti, +had concerts at her own house, and a box at the opera: to both of +which she said I should at all times have free admission. + +This was too pleasing an offer to be refused; and I willingly agreed +to attend her ladyship the following evening, and hear the charming +music of _I Zingari in Fiera_ by Paisiello. + +The opera season began rather early that year, many families were not +yet come to town, we had little delay from the string of coaches, and, +had her ladyship not provided against the misfortune by taking care to +go more late than usual, we should have been so unfashionable as to +have heard the first act. As it was, we arrived before it was over. + +The thing on which her ladyship bestowed her immediate attention was +to examine, by the aid of her opera-glass, which of the subscribers +were in their boxes; and how many of her particular friends were +among them. Politeness induced me to accompany her in this excursion +of the eye: for not to have listened to the names, titles, and ages, +of her friends, with the births, deaths, marriages, creations, and +presentations at court of them and their families, of which materials +small talk is chiefly if not wholly composed, would have been the very +highest defect in good breeding. + +Why yes. Listen I did, as long as I was able: till my eyes, tongue, +and faculties were all riveted to one spot! + +Her ladyship's box was near the centre. She had carried my eye from +box to box completely along one side, and had proceeded to about three +of the opposite, when she directed her glass to one, with the owners +of which she had no acquaintance: but she knew the names of all; for +she had them engraved on her fan. + +That name was Mowbray! And the persons in it were Hector, his aunt, +and Olivia! + +I was silent, gazing, entranced! Her ladyship had talked I know not +how long; and I had neither answered nor heard one word. + +'Bless me,' said she, 'Mr. Trevor! why you are _absolutely_ in a +revery all of a sudden! That Miss Mowbray I find is a very dangerous +young lady: for I am told that all the men are _positively_ mad after +her; and here are you _absolutely_ struck speechless! What! Not a word +yet?' + +'I beg ten thousand pardons.' + +'Why this seems like love at first sight! You are not acquainted, I +suppose, with the Mowbrays.' + +'Yes, my lady: from my infancy.' + +'Oh, oh! Why, then to be sure you are intimate with this beauty; who +_absolutely_ eclipses us all. I assure you she is _positively_ the +belle of the day. I hear she has the very first offers. But you are +not silly enough to act the dying swain? What, no answer? Well, well: +I see how it is! But, as we never read in any of the morning papers +of gentle youths who break their hearts for love, in the present +ungallant age, you are in no great danger. Though I think I never saw +any creature look more like what I should suppose one of your true +lovers to be than you did just now: for, beside your speechless +attitude, which was _absolutely_ picturesque and significant, you were +_positively_ pale and red, and red and pale, almost as fast as the +ticking of my watch. And even yet you are _absolutely_ provoking. I +cannot get a word from you!' + +'Your ladyship's raillery quite overpowers me.' + +'I declare I am _positively_ surprised at what I have seen. Had a +stranger been all of a sudden struck, the wonder would not have been +_absolutely_ so great: but it is _positively_ unaccountable in you who +are a familiar acquaintance of the family.' + +'I cannot boast of that honor.' + +'No, indeed! Why, do not you visit the Mowbrays?' + +'I do not.' + +'What, you are a dangerous man; and are forbidden the house? Well, I +declare, I shall _absolutely_ know your whole history in five minutes +without your having _positively_ told me a word.' + +'Your ladyship has a lively imagination.' + +'I have heard that the aunt is a very cautious _chaperon_. But, I +tell you what: I will be your friend. The Mowbrays are lately become +intimate with two families where I visit. And I will _absolutely_ take +you with me, on one of their public nights. I will _positively_.' + +This proposition was so grateful, and my thanks were so much more +prompt than my recollection, that her ladyship was quite confirmed +in her surmises; and not a little pleased with her own talent at +discovery. + +Her accusation however was very true. All she could _positively_ say +could not _absolutely_ draw my attention from the box of Olivia, whose +turns and motions I was anxiously watching; hoping that some lucky +accident would guide her eye toward me. + +Nay I partly hoped and partly feared the same of the aunt: my emotions +being now influenced by the respectable station which I at present +seemed to occupy; and now by the remembrance that even this might turn +to my disadvantage, in the jealous apprehensions of the old lady. + +Busied as my thoughts were and absorbed in anxious attention, this +anxiety was soon overcome by a much more powerful feeling. + +A gentleman entered Olivia's box! My eyes were instantly turned on +him. Recollection was roused. My heart beat. It surely was he! I could +not be mistaken! My opera-glass was applied, and my fears confirmed. +It was, indeed, the Earl of Idford. + +Here then, in a moment, the enigma was solved. The peer who had +aspired to the hand of Olivia, and who tempted her with all his +opulence and all his dignity, could be no other than Lord Idford. He +had long been intimate with Hector, and now comes without ceremony and +joins the family. See how the aunt smiles on him! Nay, mark! Olivia +is attentive to him! Her lips move! Her eyes are directed to his! She +is conversing with him, and at her ease, while I am racked by all the +terrors that jealousy can raise! What, can she not cast one look this +way? Is she fascinated by a reptile? Is there no instinctive sympathy, +that should make her tremble to betray the dearest interests of love +in the very presence of the lover! Does she act complacency, and sit +calm and unruffled! Has she no foreboding that I will dart upon that +insect; that thing; which, being less than man, presumes because it +is called Lord! Thinks she that I will not crush, tear, tread, him to +dust? He, the defrauder of my fair fame, who plundered me of the first +fruits of genius by infamous falsehood, who joined in plotting my +destruction by arts which the basest cowards blush at! Is he the fiend +that comes to snatch me from bliss; and plunge me into pangs and +horrors unutterable? + +From these ravings of the mind I was a little recovered, by the very +serious alarm which the wild changes of my countenance produced in +Lady Bray. I apologised, pleaded indisposition, but presently was +lost again in revery. Fortunately, a gentleman of her ladyship's +acquaintance came into the box, and left me to continue my embittered +meditations. + +Olivia was now attentive to the music; and the lord had only her aunt +and Hector, apparently, to bestow his conversation upon. + +This was some relief; and so far allayed the fever of my mind as to +call me back to self examination, and to question my own conduct. + +For the earl I could not but have the most rooted contempt. I could +not compare myself with him, and entertain a doubt, concerning who +ought to be preferred. + +But what reason had I to accuse Olivia? What did these angry emotions +of my soul forebode? Perhaps that my habitual irritability, were she +mine, would make her miserable! + +What was the end of existence? Happiness. Had I not a right then to be +happy? Yes. But so had she. So had her aunt. Nay so had that rival, +odious and despicable as he was, whose appearance had raised this +tempest in my soul. + +But was constraint, was force, justifiable in this aunt; or in this +insignificant, this selfish lord? + +Force it is said is the law of nature; and it is that law which impels +the ravenous tiger to spring upon the lamb, and suck its blood, to +appease his craving appetite. But, if so, if self-gratification were +a defensible motive, the detestable Norman robber, the monster who +inhabited a cave and seized on every stray virgin, to deflower, murder +her and prey on her remains, was justifiable. + +In the agitated mind, dreams like these are endless. While they were +passing, I stared with fixed attention toward Olivia; and, had she not +been almost motionless, my passive trances could not have continued. + +The first dance was over, the second act had begun, more visitors came +to pay their respects to Lady Bray, and I endeavoured to recollect +myself and shake off a behaviour that might well be construed +inattention, if not ill manners; and might injure me even in that +point on which I was then so deeply intent. I uttered two or three +sentences; and her ladyship complimented me on being once more awake. + +The persevering attention of Olivia to the scene, for it was +impossible to forbear glancing at her every moment, contributed to +calm my fears. + +It did more: it was a most beneficial lesson to me. It called me +again to the consideration of that impetuosity of temper which was so +dangerous in me. Into what acts of frenzy and desperation might not +these fevers of the soul hurry me? What in the present instance could +I urge to justify such excess? Had I not heard the reproaches of her +aunt for her having refused the hand of this Lord: if this Lord it +should happen to be? When he entered the box, what had she done, that +should excite such frantic ecstacies in me? What, except return those +civilities without which it is impossible for man or woman to be +amiable? Did she now coquet, prattle, and display her power; tempted +as she was by such a public scene of triumph? Was not her demeanour as +chastely cautious as my own exigent heart could desire? + +Every question that the facts before me suggested was an aggravating +reproof of my headlong passions; and, luckily for me, my thoughts took +that train which was most corrective and healthful. They led me too +to dwell, with a melting and mild rapture, on the endearing virtues +of Olivia: dignified, yet not austere; firm, yet not repulsive; +circumspect, yet capable of all those flowing affections without which +circumspection is but meanness. + +Nor were these visionary attributes: such as the disordered +imagination of a lover falsely bestows. They were as real as those +personal beauties by which they were embellished. + +To aspire to the possession of a woman so gifted, and to be the +lunatic which my own reproaches at this moment pictured me, was to +demand that which I did not deserve. To be worthy of her, it was fit I +should resemble her. + +I endeavoured to obey these admonitions. I schooled myself, concerning +my remissness to Lady Bray. I recovered my temper, became attentive, +talked rather pleasantly, and re-established myself in her good +graces: in which I could perceive I had somewhat declined, by the +folly of my behaviour. To remind the reader on every occasion of the +progress of intellect, and the benefits derived from experience, would +be to weary his patience, insult his understanding, and counteract +my own intentions. It would suppose in him a total absence of +observation, and reasoning. Yet to be entirely silent might lead the +young, and the inattentive, to imagine I had in the beginning proposed +a mode of instruction which, as I proceeded, I had either forgotten, +abandoned, or had not the power to execute. If such will attend to the +alteration in my conduct, they will perceive that I, like every other +human being, could not but reflect more or less on the motives that +actuated me; and profit by the lessons I received: though rooted +habits and violent passions were the most difficult to cure. + +After the curtain dropped, I accompanied Lady Bray into the great +room; and perceived among the throng, at some little distance, Olivia, +and her aunt, attended by the peer. + +I had foreseen the possibility of this; and had reasoned that there +might be more danger in an abrupt rencontre, of this kind, than in +meeting Olivia and her terrible aunt at the house of Lady Bray's +friend, as her ladyship had promised me; where I should receive her +countenance, and that of the family to which I should be introduced. +I therefore endeavoured to direct her ladyship's attention from the +place where the Mowbray party was, and succeeded in my endeavours. + +Soon afterward, I saw Hector, with a knot of fashionable youths; +among whom I was rather surprised to discover my at that time unknown +father-in-law, Belmont. + +I had no inclination to be noticed by this groupe; and, as Lady Bray's +carriage was presently afterward _stopping the way_, I had the good +fortune to escape unperceived, or at least unaccosted, by both +parties. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +_A debt discharged: A tavern dinner and a dissertation: The man of the +world ridiculing the man of virtue: or, is honesty the best policy? +Fools pay for being flattered: Security essential to happiness: A +triumphant retort, and difficult to be answered: Vice inevitable, +under a vitiated system: A dangerous attack: or an exhibition of one +of the principal arts of a gambler: A few cant phrases_ + + +To the friendship of Mr. Evelyn I had so far subjected myself and the +spirit of independence which I was very properly ambitious to cherish +as, for the present, to accept the aid he was so desirous to bestow. +I was something like compelled to be his debtor, but was unwilling to +be the debtor of any other man on earth; and, as he had enabled me to +appear in the style I have described, and furnished me with money, I +was determined to seek out Belmont, and discharge the debt which his +bounty had conferred; after he had previously plundered me, at Bath. +He had sunk in my esteem: I now considered him as a professed gambler: +but I remembered this action as that which it really was; an effort of +benevolence, to aid a human being in distress. + +Thus actuated, I went the next day to the billiard-table which he had +been accustomed to frequent; where I once more found him at play. He +met me not only unabashed, but with something like cordiality. He had +so accustomed himself to his own hypothesis, that 'self-gratification +is the law of nature,' and had so confused a sense of what true +self-gratification is, with such an active faculty of perverting facts +and exhibiting pictures of general turpitude, that he had very little +sense of the vice of his own conduct; and was therefore very little +subject to self-reproof. He behaved to me with the utmost ease and +good humour; and, when his match was over, proposed that we should +dine together at the Thatched-house. + +For a moment, I questioned the propriety of assenting: but, seeing him +now as before familiar with the officers of the guards, and people of +whose company no one was ashamed, and recollecting where and how I had +seen him the evening before, I did not long hesitate. Beside which, I +was prompted, not only by the pleasure which his conversation gave, +but by an increase of curiosity to be better acquainted with who and +what he really was. + +As soon as we were alone, I discharged my conscience by repaying him +the twenty pounds. This gave occasion to the following dialogue. + +'I perceive, Trevor, you are still the same. You pique yourself on +paying your borrowings. Had it been a debt of honour indeed, I should +not have been surprised: for those are debts that must be discharged. +Otherwise, it would introduce a very inconvenient practice indeed.' + +'I believe, as you say, it would be inconvenient beyond description +to you--What do you call yourselves?--Oh! I recollect: "sporting +gentlemen" is the phrase. It would be inconvenient I say, to you +sporting gentlemen.' + +'Whom, when we sporting gentlemen are absent, you call blacklegs, +rooks, Grecians, and other pleasant epithets. Some such word, I could +perceive, was quivering on your tongue. You remember the plucking +you had at Bath; and, though you are too much ashamed of having been +duped to mention it, yet it remains on your mind with a feeling of +resentment. That is natural: but it is foolish.' + +'Is it foolish to have a sense of right and wrong?' + +'Where is that sense to be found? Who has it? I have continually a +sense, if so you please to call it, that there is something which I +want; and by that I am impelled to act.' + +'True. But Locke, I think, tells us that crime consists in not taking +sufficient time to consider, before we act.' + +'And, begging his pardon, wise as in a certain sense I allow you this +Locke was, in the instance you have cited, he was an ass. If I do +not mistake, he has before proved to me that I cannot act without a +motive; and then he bids me stop when I am in such a hurry that no +motive occurs to my memory.' + +'According to this, an actual murderer is not a more guilty man than +he who only dreams that he commits murder?' + +'Make what you will of the inference, but it is accurate. They are +both dead asleep, to any ideas except those that hurry them forward.' + +'That is, in plain English, there is no such thing as vice.' + +'Might you not as well have said as virtue?' + +'Speaking absolutely, I do not pretend to deny what you assert. But +you will not tell me that the man who robs me, and leaves me bound to +a tree in danger of starving, has not done me an injury?' + +'Will you be kind enough to shew me who it is, among those who have +any thing to lose, that does not rob? Men who enjoy the pleasures of +life rob those who are deprived of them of their due; and, according +to my apprehension, the latter have a right to make reprisals.' + +'Upon my soul, Belmont, you have a most inveterate habit of +confounding every thing that should guide and regulate mankind. +You shift the question, confound terms, and are the most desperate +gladiator of vice I ever encountered. Your dangerous genius is a mine; +where the ore is rich indeed, but the poisonous vapour that envelopes +it deadly.' + +'Each to his system. We have both the voyage of life to make. You +place that very sober and discreet person called Honesty at the helm; +by the single direction of whom you expect to attain happiness: which +is just as rational as to hope to circumnavigate the globe with one +wind. I take a different course: it is my maxim to shift my sails, and +steer as pleasure and interest bid.' + +'Acting as you do, I cannot wonder that you should make a jest of +honesty.' + +'Upon my honour I treated Sir Honesty with every possible decorum, +till I found that the insidious rascal was making a jest of me. Not +that I am quite certain I am not more truly the friend of this very +respectable person than those who pretend they are always in his +company; for I neither cant with Madam Morality nor pray with Dame +Methodism: though I cannot but think I am almost as religious, as +moral, ay and as charitable too, as your devotees and sabbath-keepers; +who go to church to pray and be saved, and leave their servants to +stay at home, roast the meat and be damned.' + +'I must again repeat, you have the most active fertility at embroiling +all order and system I have any where met with.' + +'Ha, ha, ha! Order and system are very pretty words. But you make a +small mistake. It is not I that embroil. I find confusion already +established; and, since I cannot correct it, give me a reason why I +ought not to profit by the chaotic hubbub?' + +'But I say you can correct it. You are one of the men who might have +been best fitted for the task.' + +'I know not what I might have been: but I feel that I am not. The +first right of man, ay and, to talk in your own idiom, the first moral +duty too, is to be happy; and he is an idiot that, having a banquet +spread before him, forbears to taste because he himself is not the +purveyor. What matters it to me how it came there? Why am I to be +excluded? Have I not as exquisite a relish as he that provided for the +bill of fare? + +'Let dull fools puzzle their brain concerning moral fitness, which +they have not elevation enough of mind to understand; give me +enjoyment. + +'Let me eat the pine apple while they are discussing the moral fitness +of feasting on such luxuries.' + +'This doctrine would subject the world to your appetites and +pleasures.' + +'And is not that a noble doctrine? It is the wish and passion of the +world to be gulled; and gulled let it be. Let it have its enjoyments; +give me mine. + +'One man is my banker, and is assiduously careful to keep cash at +my command; which he transfers to me in the most gentleman-like and +honourable manner imaginable: namely, by a box and dice. + +'Another is my steward; and he lays out my grounds, stocks my park +with deer, builds me palaces, erects me hot-houses, and torments +heaven and earth to furnish my table with delicacies; for all of +which I pay him in the current coin of flattery. It is true I permit +him to call these things his own: but the real enjoyment of them is +notoriously mine. He, poor egotist, talks bombast and nonsense by +wholesale. I applaud and smile at his folly; while he imagines it is +at his wit. The poor man is amused with fine speeches, unsubstantial +flatteries, cringes, bows, and hypocritical tokens of servility; which +are so many jests upon him. + +'Thus is he mocked with the shadow, while I banquet upon the +substance. I bask in arbours and groves, without once having given +myself a thought concerning planting or pruning. I feast on the fish, +without so much as the trouble of catching them; and still less of +constructing the pond. By the provision he makes, that is, by avarice +and extortion, he nurtures a brood of sycophants and slaves. Wife, +children, friends, servants, all have the same character, only +differently shaded: except that, if any of them can become his tyrants +and tormentors, they all are ready for the task. I have studied the +noble arts both of tickling and tormenting: by which I have subjected +this very self-important race to my will and pleasure.' + +'For a man whose acuteness has carried him so very far, I am amazed +that it did not impel him to advance one step farther. Happiness is +what I and all men desire, as certainly as you do: but that happiness +is of a strange kind, and held by a frail and feeble tenure, that is +agitated by innumerable fears: that, if the means on which it depends +be detected, is wholly destroyed; and that, when lost, finds infamy +and misery its certain substitutes. + +'Mark what I say; and mark it deeply. There can be no happiness +without security; and there can be no security without sincerity. +Therefore, hypocrites, of every class, are acting contrary to their +own intentions. They are providing misery for themselves, as well as +for others: instead of the substantial pleasures of which they are in +search.' + +'Indeed? The Lord have mercy then upon all establishments: legal, +political, and ecclesiastic!' + +'Let me farther observe to you that the system of general enjoyment, +which you propose, is something, if I may so call it, more than +rational: it is dignified; it is sublime. I feel with you that he is +a poor circumscribed egotist, who can enjoy nothing but that which he +calls his own. Let me taste every blessing which the hand of nature +presents: let me banquet with you on her bounties: but let me not +embitter the delicious repast by fraud, that enslaves me to an eternal +watchfulness; depredation, that puts even my life in jeopardy; and a +system founded in lies, and everlastingly haunted by the spectres of +self-contempt.' + +Our dialogue was interrupted, by the entrance of the waiters. + +When we had dined, Belmont began to enquire concerning my prospects +and affairs. + +'I expect,' said he, 'you will be less communicative and open hearted, +now, than you formerly were. You have discovered, what I never +attempted to conceal, that my present dependence is on the exercise of +talents which your gravity despises: especially since they have laid +you under contribution. This misfortune however, had you possessed +them, despicable as they are, you would have escaped.' + +'Yes: just as the man, who hanged himself last night, escaped a +head-ache this morning. I will own to you I cannot take the pleasure +in your company, or think of you with that friendship, which I +formerly felt: for, though I find your conversation no less animating, +like strong liquors, it leaves an unwholesome heat behind. + +'However, I have no objection to inform you that fortune has given me +a momentary respite from persecution. How soon she may think proper +to stretch me on the rack again is more than I can foresee: though I +greatly suspect her of cruelty and caprice. She seems at present to be +in one of her best humours; and has given me a kind of promise to make +me one of the sage legislators of this happy land.' + +'What do you mean?' + +'That I shall be a member of the new parliament.' + +Belmont burst into a violent fit of laughter. At first, I was at a +loss to conjecture why; and especially why it should be so long, and +so unaffected: but I soon learned it was a burst of triumph, which he +could not restrain. + +'I congratulate you, Mr. Trevor,' said he, with a momentary gravity, +'on your noble and moral pursuits!--The lecture you have been reading, +as well as those I have formerly heard you read, now come upon me with +invincible force!--There is no resisting precept thus exemplified +by practice!--How loud, how lofty, how sovereign, is the contempt +in which you hold hypocrisy!--How severe will the laws be that you +will enact, against petty depredators!--I foresee you will hang, +not only those that handle a card, or a dice-box, but, those that +make them.--Then what honours, what rewards, what triumphs, will +you decree to your own wholesale marauders! your great captains; +chosen, empowered and paid by yourself and sages no less moral and +disinterested!--With what gusto will you send him to swing who commits +a single robbery: and with what sublime oratory will you exalt the +prowess of the man who has plundered, starved, and exterminated +nations--"A Daniel come to judgment! Oh wise young judge, how do I +honor thee!" + +I remained speechless, a few moments; and entirely disconcerted. I was +irritated; though I knew not precisely at what. I attempted to answer; +but was so confused that I talked absolute nonsense. + +After some time, however, I recollected that my purpose in going into +parliament was to counteract all these abuses. I then recovered my +faculties, and urged this plea very emphatically. + +Still the moral dignity, and virtue, of the honourable house I was +about to enter, dwelt with such force on the imagination of Belmont +that I could get no reply from him: except sarcasms, such as those +I have repeated, with the same intervening fits of laughter as the +images suggested themselves to his mind. + +And here, lest the reader himself should be misled like Belmont, I +must remark that no mistake is more common, and I believe none more +pernicious, than that of imagining that, because man has not attained +absolute and perfect virtue, the very existence of virtue is doubtful. + +Hence it happens that he, who in any manner participates in the vices +of a nation, or a body of men, is reproached as if loaded with the +whole guilt. + +Hence likewise, because men without exception are more or less tainted +with error, all pretensions to superior moral principles are laughed +at, as false and ridiculous. + +This is the doctrine at least which the people who most offend these +principles are the most zealous in propagating. Belmont had no refuge +against self-reproach, but in cherishing such trains of thought. + +That the vices which are the most despised in society instead of being +the most despicable are virtues, if compared to actions that find +honor and reward, is a truth too glaring to be denied. That the cant +with which these master crimes are glossed over, and painted as just, +expedient, ay and heroic actions, that this diabolical cant should +be and is adopted by men even of the highest powers, is a fact that +astonishes and confounds. It impels us continually to ask--Are they +cowards? Are they hypocrites? Or is the world inhabited by none but +lunatics? And that men even of such uncommon genius as Belmont should +be entangled, and bewildered, by the destructive incongruity of those +who assume to themselves the highest wisdom, because they possess the +highest stations in society, is a proof how incumbent it is on such +as are convinced of these melancholy truths to declare them openly, +undauntedly, and with a perseverance that no threats or terrors can +shake. + +When we had taken as much wine as Belmont could prevail on me to +drink, and he was very urgent, he asked if I played Piquet? + +I answered in the affirmative. + +'You no doubt then play it well.' + +'I do not think it a game of much difficulty.' + +'It is my opinion I am your master at it.' + +'That may be.' + +'Though you do not think it is. Will you try?' + +'What, with a man who avows he does not scruple to take every +advantage?' + +'Have you not eyes? Are you, a metaphysician, a wit, and a senator, so +easily deceived?' + +'A man may lose his temper; and with it his caution.' + +'So you think yourself able to instruct the world, but not to keep +your mind calm and circumspect for half an hour?' + +'Had I a sufficient motive, I should suppose I have strength enough +for such an exertion.' + +'Then try. The exercise will be wholesome. Shew your skill and +acuteness. Here is your twenty-pound bill: win and take it; or own +that you have no confidence in yourself.' + +'I have that confidence which assures me I shall, one day or other, +convince you that I understand the road to happiness better than +yourself.' + +'Yet you are cursedly afraid of me. You scarcely can sit still. You +blame your own rashness, in venturing to spend the afternoon with me: +and now you would as soon handle burning coals as a pack of cards in +my company.' + +'And what is it you find so omnipotent in yourself, that it should +induce you to all this vapouring?' + +'I tell you again, you dare not oppose your penetration to mine. You +pretend to despise me, yet own I am your master. A child is not in +more fear of the rod than you are of me.' + +He saw he had sufficiently piqued me, and rang the bell for cards. +They were brought: he shuffled, cut them, and continued to banter me. + +'What card do you chuse?--The knave of hearts?--There it is!' [He +shewed it, with a flirt of the cards, at the bottom of the pack.] His +brother of diamonds?--Look! You have it!--Of spades?--Presto! It is +here! You have three knaves on your side, you see. I will keep the +fourth, and drive you out of the field--Come, for twenty?' + +'I see your aim, and am devilishly tempted to shew you that you are +not half so cunning as you think yourself.' + +'I know you are: but you dare not. You cannot shake off your fears. +The wit, the metaphysician, the young senator suspects he is only a +half-fledged bird.' + +'Cut for deal, sir.' + +'Why, will you venture?--The nine.' + +The sudden recollection of Mr. Evelyn, the money I had received from +him, the generous confidence he had reposed in me, and the guilt of +daring to abuse that confidence, fortunately seized me with a kind of +horror. I snatched up the cards, dashed them in the fire, and in a +moment recovering myself said--'You shall find, sir, that, whether I +can or cannot master you, I can master myself' + +'Come, you do not go out of this room without the _chance_ of losing +twenty guineas for twenty.' + +'Done!' answered I, impetuously: which he in an instant echoed with +Done! Done! and, again bursting into laughter, held out his hand and +bade me pay my losings. + +I immediately discovered, without his explanation, that he had +entrapped me, by the equivocal sense of the word _chance_; and I drew +out my purse to pay him, with a strong feeling of indignation that I +should be so caught. + +However, as it was not his intention to profit by so bald and +barefaced a quirk, he only laughed; and exclaimed--'How much the young +gentleman is his own master! But I will not pick your pocket. If at +any time I should want twenty pounds, I shall have a fair claim to ask +it as a loan.' + +'Would you but really act like a man of honour, there would be no need +of such an artifice.' + +'Perhaps not, for the first time. But if my poor honor were starving, +and could not repay its borrowings, I am afraid my honor would +irrevocably be lost. I therefore prefer, since in either case lose it +I must, to lose it and eat. But the birds are now beginning to flock +together; and I must begone, to the pigeon-house: the rookery.' + +'I do not understand the terms.' + +'The plucking office: the crab and nick nest: the pip and bone quarry: +the rafflearium: the trumpery: the blaspheming box: the elbow shaking +shop: the wholesale ague and fever warehouse.' + +'In plain English, to an assembly of gamblers.' + +'Where I shall meet with much the same degree of honesty, virtue, +wisdom, and all that, as is to be found in certain other assemblies.' + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +_Bad company painful, as well as dangerous: A short note, exciting +much expectation: A question that shocks and surprises: Clarke and +Olivia, or the overflowing of a full and friendly heart: Various +mistakes rectified: The reading of the letter and the emotions it +produces: Resolutions worthy of virtuous love_ + + +I left the tavern in no very pleasant temper of mind: impatient that I +should be unable to convince, and reform, a man of such extraordinary +acuteness as Belmont: vexed that he, on the contrary, should persuade +himself that he was my master; and should actually irritate me to a +dangerous excess of vanity: and disgusted that vice and virtue should +be so confused, in the minds of men, as to render their boundaries +almost undiscoverable. + +Such I mean was the impression that Belmont had left upon my mind, +by repeating the stale but dangerous maxim that--men are vicious by +nature; and, therefore, that to profit by their vices is no more than +just. + +When I arrived at my lodgings, which were now in Albemarle-street, for +I had changed them, I found the following note from Miss Wilmot. + +'Come to me immediately. I have something to tell you which you little +expect.' + +Belmont and my chagrin were forgotten in an instant; and away I +hurried, brim full of agitation, conjecture, and impatience. + +I found Miss Wilmot alone; and her first words were--'Oh, Mr. Trevor! +you are a happy man!' + +I stood panting, or rather gasping, with hope; and made no reply. She +thus continued. + +'Miss Mowbray has been here.' + +'Good heavens!' + +'She has acted like herself. I know not how I shall tell you the +story, so as to do her justice.' + +'For the love of God, proceed!' + +'As nearly as I can recollect her words, she began in this manner. + +'"I cannot tell, my dear friend," addressing herself to me, "what you +will think of my conduct. At one moment I suspect it to be wrong; and +at the next blame myself for not having taken my present step sooner. +I have surely been grossly misled. This indeed I have long suspected; +and it cannot but be my duty to enquire. Have you lately seen Mr. +Trevor?" + +'"I never fail to see him every day. I have a letter from him, for +you; which he has disdained to take any clandestine means of conveying +to you. Here it is." + +'"Before I date think about his letter, answer me one question. Is he +a murderer?" + +'"A murderer! In the name of God! what can induce you to make such an +enquiry?" + +'"I have been assured that he has caused the death of two men: one of +whom he killed himself." + +'"Where? When? How?" + +'"At Bath. By delivering one over to the fury of the mob; and by +afterward provoking, insulting, and fighting with the other." + +'"Heavens and earth! It is false! wickedly false!" + +'"Nay but do you know his story?" + +'"Perfectly. I have heard it, not only from himself, but, from the man +whom I suppose you have been told he has murdered." + +'"What man?" + +'"Nay you shall hear and see. You shall have the whole history from +the person's own mouth." + +'"Is he alive? Is he in London?" + +'"I will send for him. He will be here in a few minutes. You will then +hear what this man has to say. He almost adores Mr. Trevor." + +'I immediately dispatched Mary for Mr. Clarke, who works not far off, +as I suppose you know, and who came running the moment he heard that +the lady you are in love with enquired for him. + +'Mary informs me that his heart leaped to his eyes (it was her own +phrase) when he was told she wanted to question him concerning you; +that he sprang up, clapped his hands, and exclaimed--"I am glad of it! +I am glad of it! The time is come! All shall be known! He shall be +righted! I will take care of that! He shall be righted!" + +'He entered the room breathless; and, the moment he saw Miss Mowbray, +he could not forbear to gaze at her: though bashfulness made him +continually turn his eyes away. + +'She addressed him, with that mildness of manner which is so winning +in her, and said--"I have taken the liberty, sir, to send for you; to +ask a few questions." + +'He replied, with a burst of zeal--"I am glad of it, madam! I am glad +of it, from my heart and soul! I wish you knew all I could tell you +about Mr. Trevor: but it is quite _un_possible that I should remember +it one half. Only this I will say, and dare the best man in England to +deny it, there is not such another brave and kind-hearted gentleman +walks the earth. I have had proof enough of it. He knows, for all he +is a gentleman, ay and a true gentleman too, for he has parts, and +learning, and a Christian soul, which does not teach him to scorn and +make a scoff of the poor: he knows that a man is a man; even though he +should only happen to be a poor carpenter, like myself. God in heaven +bless him! say I." + +'The enthusiasm of your generous humble friend overpowered Miss +Mowbray; she burst into tears, and hid her face. Her passion was +catching, and I followed her example. Clarke continued. + +'"On that night that he had the good hap to save your life, and the +life of that old cankered lady, which as I find from all that passed +she must be, though he talks of her too kindly by half, why the +stopping of the frightened horses, just do you see in the jaws of +destruction, and propping the coach was all his doing. He knew better +what he was about than the coachman himself. And then, if you had seen +him, as I did, after all was over! I thought I had loved my Sally +dearly. And so I do! But what am I? I thought too I durst have stood +up to the boldest man that ever stood on shoe leather! And perhaps I +durst: but I find I am nothing in any case to _he_. For which he never +despises me: but insists upon it that I am as good a man as he, in any +way. And as for you, madam, he would jump into burning lakes rather +than a hair of your head should be singed. I know it: for I have seen +it." + +'"I know it too," said Miss Mowbray; sobbing. Then, with an effort to +quell her passion, she asked in a firmer tone: "Pray, sir, tell me: +did not you work at Bath?" + +'"Yes, madam: the greatest part of my life." + +'"You appear to know of a battle, that Mr. Trevor fought?" + +'"Yes, yes, madam. I know it pretty well. I shall remember it as long +as I live, for more reasons than one." + +'"Was there a man killed?" + +'"No, madam: God be praised! I should have died in my sins, unprepared +and wicked as I was: being possessed with passion. He, God bless him! +for all he is a gentleman, begged my pardon like a man; and held out +his hand, and prayed over and over that I would forget and forgive. +But, as I tell you, I was possessed. I could be nothing else: because, +in the way of hard fighting, I despised a gentleman. But he gave me to +know better, as obstinate as I was: for, even after he had beaten me +once, why, he begged and prayed, as he had done at first, to make it +all up. But, as I said before, the Evil One had taken hold of me; and +I refused to give in, till I was carried as dead as a stock off of the +place." + +'"Then it was you that was reported to have been killed?" + +'"Why, yes, madam: because it could be nobody else." + +'"Nay, but was not there a poor man ducked to death?" + +'"No: God be thanked, once again! It was not quite so bad as that. +Though the hot-headed fools and rabble, that got hold of me, did use +me ill enough, I must say: for which I was so angry with Mr. Trevor; +and it was therefore that Old Nick put it into my head that I would +beat him. For I cannot deny but the ducking did dwell upon my memory." + +'"Were you then the same person that was so ill treated at Lansdown +races?" + +'"Yes, madam: for which, though I used to be angry enough before time +at pick-pockets, I will take special care never to have a hand in +ducking any body, as long as I live." + +'"And is there no truth whatever in the story that two men were +killed, by the ungovernable passion and malice of Mr. Trevor?" + +'"Killed by Mr. Trevor, madam! No, no! He is not that sort of man. +He would rather be killed himself than be the death of any Christian +soul: 'specially if he was a poor body. I can say that for him. Why +he fought like a mad man, to save me from the mob; when they were +hustling me, and dragging me along. But, while one part of them +gathered round him, the other had got far enough off with me. It being +all a mistake about a handkerchief: which he told them. And, though I +heard him and saw him beat about just as if he had been a lion to save +me, I could not forget how I had been used, when I met him the next +day. But I hope God will forgive me! which I do believe he will, for +Mr. Trevor has shewn him the example. I beg pardon! God forgive me! +I only mean that, though Mr. Trevor is a good gentleman, the Lord of +heaven must be a better; and even more charitable and melting in his +heart. Which, to be sure, is very strange: because I do not altogether +understand how it can be." + +'"Then it seems your brother is still living?" + +'"Brother, madam? I never had any brother! nor any thing of that kind: +except my wife's sisters, _which_ I love because I love _she_." + +'"What strange tales I have been told!" + +'"That I dare be sworn you have, madam, from what I have heard. +Because there was the sham-Abraham friends of Mr. Trevor: one of +_which_ kicked him, when he was down!" + +'"Is it possible?" + +'"It is as true as God is in heaven, madam!" + +'"Do you know his name?" + +'"He was as tall as a Maypole. And then after he had done this +cowardly trick, why he durst not stand up to Mr. Trevor, like a man. +And so, madam, finding as you have been told a parcel of trumpery +tales, I hope in God you will be kind enough not to believe one of +them; now that you see they are all false. For if there be a gentleman +on the face of the earth that loves a lady to desperation, why, Mr. +Trevor is he; as you would have been satisfied, if you had _set_ by +his bedside when as he was down in the fever; like as I and my Sally +did; and had heard him rave of nobody but you. And then if you had +seen him too the night after he took you out of the coach! and then +went on to Hounslow. Which, as he said, seeing it was parting with +you, was worse than tearing his heart out of his body! But he was so +afraid of doing you harm! and of setting that cross old lady to scold +you! For he would suffer death rather than anger you. So that, while +I have breath to draw, I shall never forget, when we came to the inn, +how he looked! and stood quite lost and changing colour! and while his +face was as set as stone, the tears kept trickling down his cheeks! +At which I was put into a panic: for I did not at that time know what +it was about, nor who we had been in company with. Which was the more +surprising, when I came to hear! For which, as he knows you to be so +good a lady, I am sure you must see all these particulars just in the +same light." + +'Miss Mowbray had heard sufficient. Her heart was bursting. It was +with difficulty she could check her feelings, and she made no reply. +Your unassuming but intelligent friend understood her silence as an +intimation to him to withdraw. Zealous as you hear he was in your +behalf, this thought put an end to his loquacity. But, as he was +retiring, Miss Mowbray drew out her purse, and said to him--"Let me +beg you, sir, to accept this; as a recompense, for--for having aided +in saving the lives of me and my aunt." + +'As she stretched out her hand, he looked up at her, as long as he +durst; and then, turning his eyes away, said--"Why, as for money, +madam, I thank you as much as if I had it: but, if I was to take it, +what would that seem? but as if I had been telling a tale only to +please you: when I declare, in the face of my Maker, it is every word +truth! And a great deal more! And as for saving your lives, I was as +willing I own as another: but I was not half so quick in thought as +Mr. Trevor. Because, as the coachman said, if he had not catched hold +of the horses in that very instant nick of the moment, it would have +been all over! So I hope, madam, you will not take it amiss that I am +not one of the sort _which_ tell tales to gain their own ends." + +'Here he instantly left the room: by which he intended to shew that he +was determined. + +'Clarke was no sooner gone than Miss Mowbray burst into the most +passionate, and I really believe the most rapturous, flood of tears +that the heart of woman ever shed! And how melting, how overflowing +with affection, the heart of woman is, Mr. Trevor, I think you know. + +'Good God! How pure, how expressive, how beaming, was the pleasure +in her eyes! though she sobbed so violently that she had lost all +utterance. How did she press my hand, gaze at me, then bury her +face in my bosom, and struggle with the pleasure that was becoming +dangerous in its excess! + +'After some time, her thoughts took another turn. She instantly +recovered the use of speech and exclaimed--"Oh, my friend! I almost +hate myself, for the injustice which I, as well as others, have done +Mr. Trevor--I, who had heard from his lips a thousand sentiments that +ought to have assured me of the generous and elevated virtues by +which his actions were directed! He has twice saved my life; and yet, +because on some occasions he has happened to act differently from what +I have supposed he ought to have acted, I have taken upon me to treat +him with coldness that was affected, with reproof when I owed him +thanks, and with rudeness such as I supposed became my sex. + +'"For me he has risked his life again and again, without hesitation: +while I have sat in timid silence, and countenanced calumnies which it +was impossible I could believe; though I seem as if I had endeavoured +to believe them, from the disgrace which I knew would justly light +on me, should these calumnies prove false. False I could not but +think them, false they have proved, and I am unworthy of him. I have +presumed upon the prejudices which I knew would protect me, in the +opinions of the foolish, and gain me their applause, and have treated +him with a haughtiness which he ought to despise. Has he deserved it? +Has he been guilty of one mean or seductive art, that might induce me +to betray a duty, and gratify him at the expence of myself and others? +Has he entered into that base warfare of the sexes by which each in +turn endeavours to deceive?" + +'The thought suddenly struck her, and interrupting herself she hastily +asked--"Where is the letter you mentioned? I will read it. I know I +shall read my own condemnation: but I will read it." + +'I presented the letter, and replied, "Mr. Trevor instructed me to +tell you, when I delivered it, that it contains nothing which he +wishes you to conceal, should you think fit to shew it; that it does +not invite you to any improper correspondence; and that it is the only +one which, under his present circumstances, he means to obtrude upon +you." + +'Evidently overcome by the generous rectitude of your conduct, and +more dissatisfied with her own, she broke the seal and began to read. + +'She hurried it once over with great eagerness, and trepidation. +She then paused; debating whether she should unburthen her mind +immediately of a crowd of thoughts: but, finding they crossed and +disturbed each other, she began again and read aloud; interrupting +herself by remarks, as she proceeded. + +'"_My reproof and anger_"--Yes, yes, I have taught him to treat me +like a Sultana. He punishes me justly without intending it. + +'"_You have supposed me dead_"--Here, addressing herself to me, she +added--"It was his servant, Philip, who being hired by a gentleman +that came to Scarborough brought us this false intelligence. His story +was that he saw Mr. Trevor's distraction, on the morning after he had +lost his money at a gaming-table; to which rashness as it should seem +he was driven by despair; that Mr. Trevor ran into the fields, in a +fit of frenzy, and threw himself into the Avon: that he, Philip, who +had followed as fast as he could, hastened to the place but never saw +him more; and that consequently and beyond all doubt he was there +drowned. + +'"Philip, according to his own account, hurried into the water, +and used every means in his power to find the body: but, not being +successful, he returned to his master's lodgings, took some trifles +that had been given him, and left Bath by the morning coach for +London; having nobody in Bath to give him a character, and being less +likely there to meet with another place." + +'I informed Miss Mowbray that this was part of it true, and part +false: for that Philip had taken a ten-pound note, which more than +paid him his wages; and that the other things, which he carried away, +had not been given him. + +'"Indeed!" exclaimed Miss Mowbray, "I am exceedingly sorry to hear it: +for, after his second master left Scarborough and he was hired by my +aunt to wait on me, he behaved with great diligence and honesty. + +'"Yet this accounts in part for his running away: which he did that +very night after I suppose he had discovered it was Mr. Trevor, at +Cranford-bridge; and I have never seen or heard of him since. + +'"I am persuaded he thought Mr. Trevor dead: for, after I had heard +my brother's account of the battle, I thought the time and the +circumstances contradictory, and repeatedly questioned Philip; who +persisted in declaring he saw Mr. Trevor jump into the river and drown +himself. + +'"Philip's account was that he had himself been out on errands early +in the morning, at which time he supposed the battle must have been +fought; and, though there were many contradictory circumstances, the +positiveness with which the two tales were told led me to believe that +the chief incidents of both were true. And, as I say, the flight of +Philip from Cranford-bridge persuades me that he actually had believed +Mr. Trevor dead. + +'"I am sorry the poor fellow has done this wrong thing, and been +frightened away: for I never before heard a servant speak with so much +warmth and affection of a master, as he did of Mr. Trevor." + +'She then continued to read; and made many observations, which +expressed dissatisfaction with herself and were favourable to you, +till she came to where you inform her that you had begun to study the +law. + +'"By this I find," said she, "the story I have just heard is false." + +'I asked, "What story is that, pray?" + +'She replied, "I was last night at the opera; where I saw Mr. Trevor, +with Lady Bray. Having so lately met with him under circumstances so +different, and apparently disadvantageous, you may imagine that the +joy I felt and the hope I conceived were not trifling. + +'"My aunt saw him, likewise: but, as she was not so familiar with his +person as to have no doubt, she first watched and then questioned me: +though, as she upbraidingly told me, she needed only to have enquired +of my looks. + +'"I ought perhaps first to have informed you that I had thought it my +duty to use the utmost sincerity, undeceive her, and declare all that +I knew of what had passed at Cranford-bridge. + +'"I performed this task on that very night, while her heart was alive +to the danger she had escaped, and when she expressed a lively regret +that the person from whom she had received such signal aid had +disappeared. Except his silence in the coach, she said every thing +bespoke him to be a gentleman: well bred, well educated, courageous, +and as active as he was bold. + +'"When she was told that the gentleman, of whom she had been speaking +with so much warmth, had a peculiar motive for being silent, and that +this gentleman was no other than Mr. Trevor, she was very much moved. +The recollection of the manner in which she had been treating his +character, and of the alacrity with which he had afterward saved her +life, was exceedingly strong; and far from unmixed with pain. Before +she was aware of herself, she exclaimed, 'This Mr. Trevor is a very +extraordinary young man!' + +'"Unfortunately for Mr. Trevor, our servant, Philip, had absconded; +and a train of suspicions immediately arose in her mind. It might be +a conspiracy among them; a desperate and unprincipled contrivance, to +effect a desperate and unprincipled purpose. + +'"In this supposition she confirmed herself by every possible surmise: +each and all resting upon the assumed league between Philip and Mr. +Trevor. + +'"I vainly urged that the sudden disappearing of both entirely +contradicted such a conjecture; that Mr. Trevor, if he were capable of +an action like this, must be as wicked as he was mad; and that I had +every reason to believe him a man of the most generous and elevated +principles. As you may suppose, these arguments from me only subjected +me to reproof, sarcasm, and even suspicion. + +'"My aunt fortified herself in her opinion; and behaved with a more +jealous watchfulness than ever. She even terrified me with the dread +of that which I could not credit: the possibility that what she +affirmed might be true. + +'"But, that I might do every thing in my power to prove that one part +of her surmises was false, I determined cautiously to avoid, for the +present, seeing or even hearing any thing concerning Mr. Trevor. And +this was my inducement for writing the note, which you received. + +'"My mind however suffered a continual conflict. I debated on the +propriety of listening to the daily defamation of Mr. Trevor, +when there were so many presumptive facts in his favour, and not +endeavouring to prove that it was false; and I accused my conduct +of apparent hypocrisy: of assuming a calm unconcern which my heart +belied. + +'"The sight of him at the Opera renewed my self-reproaches, in full +force; and, likewise, fortunately awakened my aunt's curiosity. + +'"Accordingly, one of our morning visits, to-day, has been to a +friend of Lady Bray's; and there we learned that Mr. Trevor had been +introduced, by Sir Barnard, to his lady and their common friends; as a +young gentleman coming into parliament, and supposed to be possessed +of extraordinary talents. + +'"This I find by his letter is untrue; and there still appears to be +some mystery which perhaps, as you see him so often, you may be able +to unravel." + +'I immediately requested her to look at the date of the letter; by +which she saw it had been written several weeks: and afterward made +her acquainted with all the particulars I knew, concerning your +beginning and renouncing the study of the law, and your new political +plans: most carefully remembering to give your noble minded friend, +Mr. Evelyn, his due share of what I had to relate. + +'Oh! how did her eyes swim, and her features glow, while I stated what +I had heard of his sentiments and proceedings! Yes! She has a heart! a +heart to match your own, Mr. Trevor. + +'She then read the remainder of the letter; but with numerous +interruptions, all of them expressing her admiration of your conduct +by criminating her own. + +'When she had ended, she spoke to me nearly as follows. + +'"I am now, my dear friend, determined on the conduct I mean to +pursue. Oh! How it delights my heart that Mr. Trevor accords with me +in opinion, and advises me to that open sincerity after which I have +long been struggling, and which I am at length resolved to adopt! I +mean to inform my aunt of all that I know, as well as of all that +I intend. I will tell her where I have been, shew her this letter, +repeat every thing I have heard, and add my fixed purpose not to admit +the addresses of any man on earth; till my family shall authorise +those of Mr. Trevor. For that, or for the time when I shall be +unconditionally my own mistress, however distant it may be, I will +wait. + +'"Tell Mr. Trevor that my heart is overwhelmed by the sense it +feels of his generous and noble conduct; and it exults in his manly +forbearance, which so cautiously guards my rectitude rather than +his own gratification; that I will obey his injunction, and that we +will have no clandestine correspondence; but that our souls shall +commune: they shall daily sympathise, and mutually excite us to that +perseverance in fidelity and virtue which will be their own reward, +and the consolation and joy of our lives. + +'"If my aunt, my brother, or any of their acquaintance, should +again calumniate Mr. Trevor, I will forewarn them of my further +determination to inform him, and enquire into the facts. But I hope +they will neither be so unjust nor so ungenerous. At least, I think +my aunt will not; when she hears the truth, knows my resolution, and +remembers Cranford-bridge. + +'"Of misinterpretation from Mr. Trevor I am in no fear. Had he one +sinister design, he never could have imagined the conduct he has so +nobly pursued. But to suppose the possibility of such a thing in him +would be a most unpardonable injustice. The man who should teach me to +distrust him, as a lover, could never inspire me with admiration and +confidence, as a husband. But different indeed has been the lesson I +have learned from Mr. Trevor. + +'"Oh that Mr. Evelyn! What a godlike morality has he adopted! How +rational! How full of benefit to others, and of happiness to himself! + +'"But Mr. Trevor's friends are all of this uncommon stamp; and I +own that to look into futurity, and to suppose myself excluded by +prejudice and pride from the enjoyment of such society, is perhaps +the most painful idea that can afflict the mind. I am almost afraid +of owning even to you, my kind and sympathising friend, the torrent +of emotions I feel at the thought of the pure pleasures I hope +for hereafter; from a life spent with a partner like Mr. Trevor, +heightened by the intercourse of the generous, benevolent, and +strong-minded men who share his heart."' + +To detail all that farther passed, between Olivia and Miss Wilmot, +with the particulars which the latter related to me, would but be +to repeat sensations and incidents that are already familiar to the +reader. And, with respect to my own feelings, those he will doubtless +have anticipated. What could they be but rapture? What could they +inspire but resolution: the power to endure, and the will to +persevere? + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +_The study of oratory: Remarks on fashionable manners and their +consequences: A public dinner: Emotions at the meeting of quondam +acquaintance: Amenity without doors and anger within compatible: A +discovery made by the Baronet: The contending passions of surprise, +resentment, and pity: Ravages committed by vice: An awful scene, or a +warning to gluttony_ + + +Previous to this event, I should have imagined it impossible to have +increased my affection: yet, if admiration be the basis of love, as +I am persuaded it is, my love was certainly increased. I now seemed +to be setting forward on a journey, of the length of which I was +indeed wholly ignorant; but the road was made plain, and the end was +inexpressible happiness. I should therefore travel with unwearied +alacrity. + +But, that I might shorten this unmeasured length of way, it was +necessary I should be as active in pursuit as I was ardent in my +passion: and the stimulus was a strong one. Oratory accordingly, +Olivia excepted, became the object that seemed the dearest to my +heart. Demosthenes and Cicero were my great masters. They and their +modern competitors were my study, day and night. No means were +neglected that precept or example, as far as they came within my +knowledge, could afford: and the additional intercourse which I thus +acquired with man, his motives, actions, and heart, was a school of +the highest order. + +I did not however entirely confine myself to the society of the dead: +the living likewise constituted a seminary, in which I found frequent +opportunities of gaining instruction. Impelled by curiosity and +ambition, I was not remiss in cultivating an acquaintance among those +people of fashion to whom I gained access. + +But, as the tribe that bestow on themselves this titillating epithet +have a light and versatile character, as they abound in praises that +are void of discrimination, and promises that are unmeaning, and +affect at one moment the most winning urbanity, and at the next the +most supercilious arrogance, though they gave me much pleasure, they +likewise gave me exquisite pain. + +The more I became acquainted with them, the more I was amazed, that +the man who had been talking to me in the evening on terms of the +utmost apparent equality, if I met him the next morning, did not know +me. + +Some of them would even gaze full in my face, as if to enquire--'Who +are you, sir?' but in reality to insult me. The looks of these most +courteous and polished people seem to say 'In the name of all that is +high-bred, how does it happen that persons of fashion do not unite to +stare every such impertinent upstart out of their company?' + +Of all the insolence that disturbs society, and puts it in a state of +internal warfare, the insolence of fashion wounds and imbitters the +most. It instantly provokes the offended person to enquire--'What kind +of being is it, that takes upon him to brave, insult, and despise me? +Has he more strength, more activity, more understanding than myself?' +In numerous instances, he is imbecile in body, more imbecile still in +mind, and contemptible in person. Nay he is often little better than a +driveller. + +He, whom the _hauteur_ of fashion has compelled to reason thus, will +soon be led to further and more serious inferences. + +Nothing can reconcile men, so as to induce them to remain peaceable +spectators of enjoyments beyond their attainment, except that +unaffected benevolence which shall continually actuate the heart to +communicate all the happiness it has the power to bestow. This only +can so temper oppression as to render gradual and orderly reform +practicable. + +But I am talking to the winds. + +This wavering between extreme civility and rudeness was conspicuous +in the behaviour of the Bray family toward me. Her Ladyship, at one +moment, would overlook me, I being present, as if no such person had +been in existence: or as if he were not half so worthy of attention +as her lap-dog; for, as a proof, on the lap-dog it was lavished: yet, +at another, I was _absolutely_ the most charming man on earth. I had +_positively_ the most refined taste, good breeding, and all that that +she had ever known. + +With Sir Barnard I was sometimes an oracle. To me his discourse was +directed, to my judgment his appeals were made, and my opinions were +decisive. In other fits he would not condescend to notice me. If I +interfered with a sentence, he would pursue the conversation as if an +objection made by me were unworthy of an answer; and perhaps, if I +asked him a question, he would affect to be deaf, and make no reply. + +These are arts which render the condition of a supposed inferior +truly hateful: and, as they were severely felt, they were severely +remembered, and now and then retaliated in a spirit which I cannot +applaud. + +If the history of such emotions were traced through all their +consequences, and if men were aware how much the principal events of +their lives are the result of the petty ebullitions of passion, that +branch of morals which should regulate the temper of mind, tone of +voice, and expression of the countenance, would become a very serious +study. + +This remark is as old as Adam: and yet it relates to a science that is +only in its infancy. + +How fatal the want of such a necessary command of temper had been to +me the reader already knows: and, though at moments I was painfully +conscious of the defect, and it was become less obtrusive, it was far +from cured. It still hovered over and influenced my fate: as will be +seen. + +The old parliament was not yet dissolved: it had met, and was sitting. +But the defection of Sir Barnard's member was of late date; and, as +the Baronet had his motives for not wishing to provoke the honorable +member whom he had made too violently, there was a kind of compromise; +and the apostate was suffered to keep his seat, during the short +remainder of the term. + +Sir Barnard however, as I have said, delighted in his prop. It was as +necessary to him as his cane; and I generally accompanied him, when he +visited any kind of political assemblies. + +It happened that there was an annual dinner of the gentlemen who had +been educated at *******; of which dinner Sir Barnard was appointed +one of the stewards. That he might acquit himself of this arduous task +with eclat, I was of course presented with a ticket; and attended as +his aid de camp. + +The company was numerous, and the stewards and the chairman met +something more early than the rest, to regulate the important business +of the day. + +When I entered the committee room, with the Baronet, the first person +that caught my eye was the Earl of Idford. + +I shrunk back. I had a momentary hesitation whether I should insult +him or instantly quit the company; and disdain to enter an apartment +polluted by his presence. + +I had however just good sense enough to recollect that a quarrel, in +such a place, nobody knew why, would be equally ridiculous and rash: +and that to avoid any man was cowardly. + +The thought awakened me; and, collecting myself, I advanced with a +firm and cool air. + +Habit and perversity of system had done that for his lordship to +which his fortitude was inadequate. He was at least as cool, and +as intrepid, as myself; and bowed to me with the utmost ease and +civility. To return his bow was infinitely more repulsive than taking +a toad in my hand: yet to forbear would have been a violation of +the first principles of the behaviour of a gentleman. I therefore +reluctantly and formally complied. I hope the reader remembers how +earnestly I condemn this want of temper in myself. + +His lordship took not the least notice of the coldness of my manner; +but, with simpering complacency, 'hoped I had been well, since he had +had the pleasure of seeing me.' + +My reply was another slight inclination of the head, tinctured with +disdain: on which his lordship turned his back, with a kind of +open-mouthed nonchalance that was truly epigrammatic; and fell into +conversation with Sir Barnard, who had advanced toward the fire, with +all the apparent ease of the most intimate friendship: though, since +his lordship had changed sides, they had become, in politics at least, +the most outrageous enemies. + +This brought a train of reflections into my mind, on the behaviour of +political partisans toward each other; and on the efforts they make, +after they have been venting the most cutting sarcasms in their mutual +parliamentary attacks, to behave out of doors as if they had totally +forgotten what had passed within: or were incapable, if not of +feeling, of remembering insult. + +What is most remarkable, the men of greatest talent exert this amenity +with the greatest effect: for they utter and receive the most biting +reproaches, yet meet each other as if no such bickerings had ever +passed. + +It is not then, in characters like these, hypocrisy? + +No. It is an effort to live in harmony with mankind: yet to speak the +truth and tell them of their mistakes unsparingly, and regardless of +personal danger. In other words, it is an attempt to perform the most +sacred of duties: but the manner of performing it effectually has +hitherto been ill understood. + +Sir Barnard had witnessed the short scene between me and his lordship; +and presently took occasion to ask me in a whisper, 'How and where we +had become acquainted?' + +I replied 'I had resided in the house of his lordship.' + +'Ay, indeed!' said the Baronet. 'In what capacity?' + +My pride was piqued, and I answered, 'As his companion; and, as I +was taught to suppose myself, his friend. But I was soon cured of my +mistake.' + +'By what means?' + +'By his lordship's patriotism. By the purity of his politics.' + +I spoke with a sneer, and the Baronet burst into a malicious laugh of +triumph: but, unwilling that the cause of it should be suspected, it +was instantly restrained. + +'What concern had you,' continued he, 'in his lordship's politics?' + +'I have reason to believe I helped to reconcile him to the Minister.' + +'You, Mr. Trevor! How came you to do so unprincipled, so profligate, a +thing?' + +'It was wholly unintentional.' + +'I do not understand you.' + +'I wrote certain letters that were printed in the ----' + +'What, Mr. Trevor! were you the author of the three last letters of +Themistocles?' + +'I was.' + +The Baronet's face glowed with exultation. 'I knew,' said he with a +vehement but under voice, 'he never wrote them himself! I have said it +a thousand times; and I am not easily deceived. Every body said the +same.' + +There is no calculating how much the knowledge of this circumstance +raised me in Sir Barnard's opinion; and consequently elevated himself, +in the idea he conceived of his own power. 'Had he indeed got hold of +the author of Themistocles? Why then he was a great man! A prodigious +senator! The wish of his heart was accomplished! He could now wreak +vengeance where he most wished it to fall; and fall it should, without +mercy or remission.' His little soul was on tip-toe, and he overlooked +the world. + +Though we had retired to the farthest corner of the room, and his +lordship pretended to be engaged in chit chat with persons who were +proud of his condescension, I could perceive his suspicions were +awakened. His eye repeatedly gave enquiring glances; and, while it +endeavoured to counterfeit indifference by a stare, it was disturbed +and contracted by apprehension. + +Malignity, hatred, and revenge, are closely related; and of these +passions men of but little mental powers are very susceptible. It is +happy for society that their impotence impedes the execution of their +desires. I was odious in the sight of Lord Idford in every point of +view: for he had first injured me; which, as has been often remarked, +too frequently renders him who commits the injury implacable; and he +had since encountered a rival in me; which was an insult that his +vanity and pride could ill indeed digest. + +Still however he was a courtier; a man of fashion; a person of the +best breeding; and therefore could smile. + +A smile is a delightful thing, when it is the genuine offspring of the +heart: but heaven defend me from the jaundiced eye, the simpering lip, +and the wrinkled cheek; that turn smiles to grimace, and give the lie +to open and undisguised pleasure. + +It was a smile such as this that his lordship bestowed upon me, when +I and the Baronet joined his group. Addressing himself to me, with a +simper that anticipated the pain he intended to give, he said--'Do you +know, Mr. Trevor, that your friend the bishop of **** is to dine with +us? You will be glad to meet each other.' + +I instantly replied, with fire in my eyes, 'I shall be as glad to +meet that most pious and right reverend pastor as I was to meet your +lordship.' + +Agreeably to rule, he bowed; and gave the company to understand he +took this as a polite acknowledgment of respect. But his gesture was +accompanied with a disconcerted leer of smothered malice, which I +could not misinterpret. It was sardonic; and, to me, who knew what was +passing in his heart, disgusting, and painful. + +I had scarcely spoken before my lord the bishop entered; and with him, +as two supporters--Heavens! Who?--The president of the college where +I had been educated; and the tutor, whose veto had prevented me from +taking my degrees! + +In the life of every man of enterprise there are moments of extreme +peril. In an instant, and as it were by enchantment, I saw myself +surrounded by the cowardly, servile, dwarf-demons, for so my +imagination painted them, who had been my chief tormentors. Or rather +by reptiles the most envenomed; with which I was shut up, as if I had +been thrown into their den; and by which, if I did not exterminate +them, I must expect to be devoured. + +But these feelings were of short duration. My heart found an immediate +repellent, both to fear and revenge, in my eyes. Good God! What were +the figures now before me? Such as to excite pity, in every bosom +that was not shut to commiseration for the vices into which mankind +are mistakenly hurried; and for their deplorable consequences. +What a fearful alteration had a few months produced! In the bishop +especially! + +He had been struck by the palsy, and dragged one side along with +extreme difficulty. His bloated cheeks and body had fallen into deep +pits; and the swelling massy parts were of a black-red hue, so that +the skin appeared a bag of morbid contents. His mouth was drawn awry, +his speech entirely inarticulate, his eye obscured by thick rheum, +and his clothes were stained by the saliva that occasionally driveled +from his lips. His legs were wasted, his breast was sunk, and his +protuberant paunch looked like the receptacle of dropsy, atrophy, +catarrh, and every imaginable malady. + +My heart sunk within me. Poor creature! What would I have given +to have possessed the power of restoring thee to something human! +Resentment to thee? Alas! Had I not felt compassion, such as never can +be forgotten, I surely should have despised, should have almost hated, +myself. + +The president was evidently travelling the same road. His legs, which +had been extremely muscular, instead of being as round and smooth in +their surface as they formerly were, each appeared to be covered with +innumerable nodes; that formed irregular figures, and angles. What +they were swathed with I cannot imagine: but I conjecture there must +have been stiff brown paper next to the smooth silk stocking, which +produced the irregularities of the surface. The dullness of his eyes, +the slowness of their motions, his drooping eyelids, his flaccid +cheeks, his hanging chin, and the bagging of his cloaths, all denoted +waste, want of animation, lethargy, debility and decline. + +The condition of the tutor was no less pitiable. He was gasping with +an asthma; and was obliged incessantly to struggle with suffocation. +It was what physicians call a confirmed case: while he lived, he was +doomed to live in pain. Where is the tyrant that can invent tortures, +equal to those which men invent for themselves? + +These were the guests who were come to feast: to indulge appetites +they had never been able to subdue, though their appetites were vipers +that were eating away their vitals. + +How strongly did this scene bring to my recollection Pope on the +ruling passion! I could almost fancy I heard the poor bishop quoting + + 'Mercy! cries Helluo, mercy on my soul! + 'Is there no hope?--Alas!--Then bring the jowl.' + +The present man is but the slave of the past. What induced the +president and the tutor, when the bishop's more able-bodied footmen +had rather carried than conducted him up stairs, officially to become +his supporters as he entered the room? Was it unmixed humanity? Or was +it those servile habits to which their cunning had subjected them? and +by which they supposed not only that preferment but that happiness was +attainable. + +Humanity doubtless had its share; for it is a sensation that never +utterly abandons the breast of man: and, as it is often strengthened +by a consciousness that we ourselves are in need of aid, let us +suppose that the president and the tutor were become humane. + +Though feelings of acrimony towards these persons were entirely +deadened in me by the spectacle I beheld, yet I knew not well how +to behave. I was prompted to shew them how placable I was become, +by accosting them first: but this might be misconstrued into that +servility for which I had thought of them with so much contempt. +Beside, the bishop and the president, if not the tutor, were in the +phraseology of the world my superiors; and etiquette had established +the rule that, if they thought proper to notice me, they would be the +first to salute. + +His lordship however eased me of farther trouble on this head, by +asking the bishop--'Have you forgotten your old acquaintance Mr. +Trevor, my lord?' + +What answer this consecrated right reverend father returned I could +not hear. He muttered something: but the sounds were as unintelligible +as the features of his face; or the drooping deadness of his eyes. The +president, however, hearing this, thought proper to bow: though very +slightly, till the earl added, with a significant emphasis on the two +last words--'Sir Barnard is become Mr. Trevor's particular friend;' +which was no sooner pronounced than the countenances of both the +bishop's supporters changed, to something which might be called +exceedingly civil, in the tutor, and prodigiously condescending, in +the president. + +This was a memorable day: and, if the event which I have now to relate +should be offensive to the feelings of any man, or any class of men, +I can only say that I share the common fate of historians: who, +though they should relate nothing but facts, never fail to excite +displeasure, if not resentment and persecution, in the partisans of +this or that particular opinion, faction, or establishment. + +The dinner was served. It was sumptuous: or rather such as gluttony +delights in. The persons assembled, I am sorry to say it, were several +of them gluttons; and encouraged and countenanced each other in the +vice to which they were addicted. + +Dish succeeded to dish: and one plateful was but devoured that another +and another might be gorged. + +Fatal insensibility to the warning voice of experience! +Incomprehensible blindness! + +The poor bishop was unable to resist his destiny. + +I had a foreboding of the mischief that might result from a stomach at +once so debilitated and so overloaded. I wished to have spoken: I was +tempted to exclaim--'Rash man, beware!' I could not keep my eyes away +from him: till at length I suddenly remarked a strange appearance, +that came over his face; and, almost at the same instant, he dropped +from his chair in an apoplectic fit. + +The description of his foaming mouth, distorted features, dead eyes, +the whites of which only were to be seen, his writhings, his-- + +No! I must forbear. The picture I witnessed could give nothing but +pain; mingled with disgust, and horror. If I suggest that poor +oppressed nature made the most violent struggles, to empty and relieve +herself, there will perhaps be more than sufficient of the scene of +which I was a spectator conjured up in the imagination. + +The bishop had been a muscular man, with a frame of uncommon strength; +and the paroxysm, though extreme, did not end in death. Medical +assistance was obtained, and he was borne away as soon as the crisis +was over: but the festivity for which the company had met was +disturbed. Many of them were struck with terror; dreading lest they +had only been present at horrors that, soon or late, were to light +upon themselves. They departed appalled by the scene they had +witnessed, and haunted by images of a foreboding, black, and +distracted kind. + +From these Sir Barnard himself was not wholly free: though he had been +less guilty of gormandizing than many of his associates: and, for +my own part, this incident left an impression upon me which I am +persuaded will be salutary through life. + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +_A few reflections: A word concerning friends, and the duties of +friendship: News of Thornby; or the equity of the dying: The decease +of my mother: A curious letter on the obsequies of the dead: The real +and the ideal being unlike to each other_ + + +How different is the same man, at different periods of his existence! +How very unlike were the bowing well bred Earl of Idford, and the +asthmatic tutor, of this day, to the Lord Sad-dog and his Jack; whom, +but a few years before, I first met at college! + +The president too at that time was, quite as much in form as in +office, one of the pillars of the university. And the bishop! What a +lamentable change had a short period produced! + +Happy would it be for men did they recollect that change they must; +and that, if they will but be sufficiently attentive to circumstances, +they may change for the better. + +Time kept rolling on; and I had variety of occupation. Neither my +studies, my fashionable acquaintances, nor those whom I justly loved +as my friends, were neglected. Mr. Evelyn continued for some time in +town; attending to his anatomical and chymical studies. Wilmot had +completed his comedy. It had been favourably received by the manager; +and was to be the second new piece brought forward. Turl, with equal +perseverance, was pursuing his own plans: and, though I heard nothing +more from Olivia, my heart was at ease. I knew the motives on which +she acted; and had her assurance that, if I should be again defamed, I +should now be heard in my own defence. + +I was careful not to forget honest Clarke; nor was the kind-hearted +Mary neglected. The good carpenter had sent for his wife and family up +to town; and Mary was happy in the friendly attentions of Miss Wilmot, +and in the orderly conduct and quick improvement of her son. + +One of my pleasures, and duties as I conceived it to be, was to +introduce Turl and Wilmot to such of my higher order of acquaintance +as might afford both parties gratification. There is much frivolity +among people of rank and fashion: but there is likewise some enquiry +and sound understanding; and, where these qualities exist in any +eminent degree, the friends I have named could not but be welcome. + +It is the interest of men of all orders to converse with each other, +to listen to their mutual pretensions with patience, to be slow to +condemn, and to be liberal in the construction of what they at first +suppose to be dangerous novelty. + +Turl was peculiarly fitted to promote these principles: and Wilmot, in +addition to the charms of an imagination finely stored, was possessed, +as the reader may remember, of musical talents; and those of no +inferior order. Days and weeks passed not unpleasantly away: for hope +and Olivia were ever present to my imagination, and of the ills which +fortune had in reserve I was little aware. + +While business and pleasure thus appeared to promote each other, it +came to my knowledge that an advertisement had appeared in the papers: +stating that, if Hugh Trevor, the grandson of the reverend **** rector +of ***, were alive, by application at a place there named, he might +hear of something very much to his advantage. + +I cannot enumerate the conjectures that this intelligence immediately +excited; for they were endless. I searched the papers, found the +advertisement, and hastened to the place to which it directed me. + +The information I there received was not precisely what my elevated +hopes had taught me to expect: but it was of considerable moment. I +learned that my grandfather's executor, Mr. Thornby, was dead; that +his nephew, Wakefield, had taken possession of the property he had +left; but that he had done this illegally: for the person who caused +the advertisement to be put into the paper was an attorney, who had +drawn and witnessed the will of Thornby, which will was in my favour; +and which moreover stated that the property bequeathed to me was mine +in right of a will of my grandfather's; which will Thornby had till +that time kept concealed. Whether the testament he had produced, +immediately after the death of the rector, were one that Thornby had +forged, or one that my grandfather had actually made but had ordered +his executor to destroy, did not at present appear. The account I +gave of it in a preceding volume, and of the manner in which it was +procured, was the substance of what I learned from the conversation of +my mother and Thornby at the time. + +A death-bed compunction had wrested from the deceased an avowal of his +guilt; and the facts were explicitly stated, in the preamble of his +will, in order to prevent the contest which he foresaw might probably +take place, between me and his nephew. He seemed to have been +painfully anxious to do justice at last; and save his soul, when he +found it must take flight. + +The business was urgent; and, if I meant to profit by that which was +legally mine, it was necessary, as I was advised, immediately to go +down and examine into all the circumstances on the spot. + +I was the more surprised at what I had heard because it was but very +lately that I had sent a remittance to my mother; which she had +acknowledged, and which must have been received after her husband had +taken possession of his uncle's effects. But, when I recollected +the character that had been given me of Wakefield, as far as the +transaction related to him, my surprise was of short duration. + +With respect to my mother, I heard with no small degree of +astonishment that she had been applied to, in order to discover where +I might be found; and that she had returned evasive answers: which as +it was supposed had been dictated by her husband; under whose control, +partly from fear and partly from an old woman's doating, she was +completely held. + +To say that I grieved at such weakness, in one whom I had so earnestly +desired to love and honor with more than filial affection, would be +superfluous: but my surprise would have instantly ceased, had I known +who this Wakefield was; with whom my mother had to contend. + +Reproach from me however, in word or look, had I been so inclined, she +was destined never to receive. The career of pain and pleasure with +her was nearly over. On the same day that I made the enquiries I have +been repeating, a letter arrived; written not by her, but at her +request; which informed me that, if I meant to see her alive, I must +use all possible speed: for that she had been suddenly seized with +dangerous and intolerable pains; which according to the description +given in the letter, were such as I found from enquiry belong to the +iliac passion; and that she was then lying at the last extremity. + +Two such imperious mandates, requiring my presence in my native +county, were not to be disobeyed; and I departed with the utmost +diligence. At the last stage, after a journey of unremitted +expedition, I ordered the chaise to drive to the house of the late +Thornby; where on enquiry I was informed that my mother lay. + +I found her in a truly pitiable condition. Quicksilver had been +administered, but in vain; and she was so thoroughly exhausted +that the sight of me produced but very little emotion. Her medical +attendant pronounced she could not survive four-and-twenty hours; and +advised that, if there were any business to be settled between us, it +should be proceeded upon immediately. + +Had this advice been given to persons of certain habits, assuredly, +it would not have been neglected; and, perhaps it ought not to have +been by me: but, whether I was right or wrong, I could not endure +to perplex and disturb the mind of a mother in her last agonies. +The consequence was, she expired without hearing a word from me, +concerning her husband, Thornby, or the property to which I was heir; +and without making any mention whatever herself of the disposal of +this property. I was indeed ignorant of what degree of information she +could afford me. Her conduct had been so weak that to remind her of +it, at such a moment, would, as I supposed, have been to inflict a +severe degree of torment. + +This, as the reader will learn in time, was not the only shaft by +which my tranquillity was to be assaulted. My mother though she was, +there was yet another death infinitely more heart-rending hanging over +my head. The recollection is anguish that cannot end! Cannot did I +say? Absurd mortal. Live for the living; and grieve not for the dead: +unless grief could bid them rise from their graves. + +I must proceed; and not suffer my feelings thus to anticipate my tale. + +Knowing that Wakefield was no other than Belmont, the reader will +not be surprised that he should think proper to elude, under these +circumstances, the discovery which a meeting must have produced. My +mother, actuated by a conviction that death was inevitable, had sent +for me without his privity: so that I afterward learned he was in the +house, when I drove up to the door: and, seeing me put my head out of +the chaise, immediately made his escape through the garden. + +A man less fertile in expedients would have found it difficult to +forge a plausible pretext, to evade being present and meeting me at +the funeral: but he, by pursuing what wore the face of being, and what +I believe actually was, very rational conduct, dexterously shunned the +rencontre. The following letter, which he wrote to me, will explain by +what means. + +'Sir, + +'Persons of understanding have discovered that the obsequies of the +dead may be performed with all due decorum, and the pain, as well +as the very frequent hypocrisy, of a funeral procession, which is +attended by friends and relations, avoided. They therefore with great +good sense hire people to mourn; or send their empty carriages, +with the blinds up: which perhaps is quite as wise, and no doubt as +agreeable to the dead. + +'He that would not render the duties of humanity, while they can +succour those that are afflicted, may justly be called brutal; but, +those duties being paid, what remains is more properly the business +of carpenters, grave-diggers, and undertakers, than of men whose +happiness is disturbed by useless but gloomy associations; and who may +find better employment for their time. + +'I, for example, have business, at present, that calls me another way. +I therefore request you will give such orders, concerning the funeral, +as you shall think proper: and, as I have no doubt you will agree with +me that decency, and not unnecessary pomp, which cannot honor the +dead, and does but satirise the living, will be most creditable to +Mrs. Wakefield's memory, the expence, as it ought, will be defrayed by +me. + +I am, sir, + +Your very obedient humble servant, + +F. WAKEFIELD.' + +Had such a letter been written by a man who had pretended fondness +for his wife, it might perhaps have been construed unfeeling: if not +insulting to her memory. But, as the case was notoriously the reverse, +the honest contempt of all affectation, which it displayed, I could +not but consider as an unexpected trait in the character of such a man +as I supposed Wakefield to be. + +There is a strange propensity in the imagination to make up ideal +beings; and annex them to names that, when mentioned, have been +usually followed with certain degrees of praise, or blame. These +fanciful portraits are generally in the extreme: they are all virtue, +or all vice: all perfection, or all deformity: though it is well known +that no such unmixed mortals exist. + +My mind having acquired the habit rather to doubt than to conclude +that every thing which is customary must be right, funeral follies +had not escaped my censure: but the thing which excited my surprise +was that a man like Wakefield, who I concluded must have thought very +little indeed, since he both thought and acted on other occasions so +differently from me, should in any instance reason like myself; and +some few others, whom I most admired. + +Convinced however as I was that he now reasoned rightly, I wanted in +this case the courage to act after his example. It would be a scandal +to the country for a son, pretending to filial duty, to be absent from +his mother's funeral. The reader will doubtless remember that town and +country are two exceedingly distinct regions. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +_More alarming intelligence: An honest youth, with a printer's notions +concerning secrecy: The weak parts of law form the strongest shield +for villany: A journey back to town: Enoch Ellis and Glibly again +appear on the scene of action: A few of the artifices of a man of +uncommon cunning delineated: A momentary glance at a mountain of +political rubbish: By artful deductions, a man may be made to say any +thing that an orator pleases_ + + +This scandal I was, notwithstanding my discretion, destined to afford. +In addition to the arguments of Wakefield, accident supplied a motive +too powerful to be resisted. + +I have mentioned my intention to suppress the pamphlet which I had +written, in the fever of my resentment, against the Earl, the +Bishop, and their associates. The edition which had been printed for +publishing had lain in the printer's warehouse, till the time that I +had determined against its appearance. + +The child of the fancy is often as dear to us as any of our children +whatever; and I was unwilling that this offspring of mine should +perish, beyond all power of revival. I therefore had the edition +removed to my lodgings, and stowed in a garret. + +A copy however had been purloined; and probably before the removal. +This copy came into the possession of an unprincipled bookseller; who, +regardless of every consideration except profit, and perceiving it to +be written with vehemence on a subject which never fails to attract +the attention of the public, namely personal defamation, had once more +committed it to the press. + +As it happened, it was sent to be reprinted by the person with whom +the son of Mary was bound apprentice; and the whole was worked off +except the title-page, which fell into the hands of the youth. + +Desirous of shewing kindness to Mary, it may well be supposed I had +not overlooked her son. His mother had taught him to consider me as +the saviour of both their lives; and as such he held me in great +veneration. These favourable feelings were increased by the praise I +bestowed on him, for his good conduct; and the encouragement I gave +him to persevere. + +Richard, for that was his name, suspected it could be no intention of +mine to publish the pamphlet: because he had been employed to stow it +in the garret: and, as he was an intelligent lad, and acquainted with +the tricks of the publisher for whom he knew his master was at work, +he hastened in great alarm to communicate his fears; first to his +mother, and then by her advice to Miss Wilmot. + +The latter immediately informed her brother. He saw the danger, wrote +to me to return without delay, doubting whether even I should have the +power to prevent the publication, and proceeded himself immediately to +the printer to warn him of the nature of the transaction. + +The man was no sooner informed of Mr. Wilmot's business than he +became violently enraged with his apprentice, Richard; accused him +of betraying his master's interest, and the secrets of the +printing-house, which ought to be held sacred, and affirmed that he +had endangered the loss of his business. + +Richard was present, was aware of the charge which would be brought +against him, and was prepared to endure it with considerable firmness: +though he had been taught to believe that such complaints were founded +in justice. + +Wilmot could obtain no unequivocal answer from the master: either +that he would or would not proceed. He consequently supposed the +affirmative was the most probable; and therefore, that he might +neglect nothing in an affair which he considered as so serious, he +hastened from the printer to the publisher. + +Here, in addition to the rage of what he likewise called having been +betrayed, he met with open defiance, vulgar insolence, and vociferous +assertions, from this worthy bookseller, that the laws of his country +would be his shield. + +The fellow had been frequently concerned in such rascalities, and knew +his ground. He was one of the sagacious persons who had found a cover +for them. Where law pretends to regulate and define every right, the +wrong which it cannot reach it protects. + +This is a branch of knowledge on which a vast body of men in +the kingdom, and especially in the metropolis, depend for their +subsistence. + +And a very tempting trade it is: for our streets, our public places, +and our courts of justice, as well as other courts, swarm with its +followers; at which places they appear in as high a style of fashion, +that is of effrontery, as even the fools by whom they are aped, or the +lawyers and statesmen themselves by whom they are defended. This I +own is a bold assertion; and is perhaps a hyperbole! Yes, yes: it is +comparing mole hills to mountains. But let it pass. + +Wilmot, in his letter to me, did not confine himself to a bare recital +of facts. Fearful lest they should escape my recollection, he urged +those strong arguments which were best calculated to shew, not only +what my enemies might allege, but what just men might impute to me, +should this intemperate pamphlet appear: which, in addition to its +original mistakes, would attack the character of the Bishop, a man +whose office, in the eye of the world, implied every virtue. And +how immoderately would its intemperance and imputed malignity be +exaggerated, should it appear precisely at the moment when I knew +disease had deprived him of his faculties! had rendered him unable to +defend himself, and to produce facts which I might have concealed; or +give another face to truth, which I might have discoloured! + +These arguments alarmed me in a very painful degree. I was averse to +quit the place before my mother was interred: especially as my reasons +for such an abrupt departure could not be made public: but I was still +more averse to an action which, in appearance, would involve me in +such a cowardly species of infamy. + +Accordingly, I made the best arrangements in my power: leaving orders +that the funeral should be conducted with every decency; and, after a +very short conversation with the attorney, who had witnessed the will +of Thornby and given me the information I have already mentioned, I +travelled back to London with no less speed than I had hurried into +the country. + +I arrived in town on Thursday night; and the pamphlet was advertised +for publication on the following Monday. The advertisement, being +purposely written to excite curiosity, repeated the subject of the +pamphlet: which asserted my claims to the letters of Themistocles, +and to the defence of the thirty-nine articles; the acrimony of which +charge was increased by a personal attack on the Earl of Idford, the +Bishop, and their associates. + +When I came to my lodgings, I found two notes: one from a person +stiling himself a gentleman employed by the Earl; and another from +Mr. Ellis, on the part of the Bishop: each requesting an interview. +Answers not having been returned, these agents had come themselves; +and, being informed that I was in the country, but was expected +in town before the end of the week, they left a pressing message; +desiring an answer the moment of my arrival. + +Eager as I was to ward off the danger that threatened me, I considered +the application that was made, especially on the part of the Earl, +as fortunate. I understood that the only means of suppressing the +pamphlet would be by an injunction from the Lord Chancellor; and this +I imagined the influence of the Earl might essentially promote: for +which reason I immediately wrote, in reply to these agents, and +appointed an interview early the next morning. + +The place of meeting was a private room in a coffee-house; and, though +my eagerness in the business brought me there a few minutes before the +time named, Ellis and his coadjutor had arrived before me. They acted +in concert, and had met to compare notes. + +I found the purveyor of pews and paradise still the same: always +inclined to make himself agreeable. + +The other agent was seated in a dark corner of the room, with his back +to the light, so that I did not recognise him as I entered. How much +was I surprised when, as he turned to the window, I discovered him +to be the loquacious Mr. Glibly; the man whose principles were so +accommodating, whose tongue was glossy, but whose praise was much more +sickening and dangerous than his satire. + +The civilities that were poured upon me, by these well-paired +gentlemen, were overwhelming. It was like taking leave of a Frenchman, +under the ancient _régime_: there was no niche or chink for me to +throw in a word; so copious was the volubility of Glibly, and so eager +was the zeal of Ellis. + +From the picture I before gave of the first, the reader will have +perceived that he was a man of considerable intellect: though not of +sufficient to make him honest. His usual mode, in conversation, was to +render the person to whom he addressed himself ridiculous by excessive +praise; and to mingle up sarcasm and panegyric in such a manner as to +produce confusion in the mind of the object of it, who never knew when +to be angry or when to be pleased, and laughter in every body else. + +At first the most witty and acute would find amusement in his florid +irony: but they could not but soon be wearied, by its methodical and +undeviating mechanism; which denoted great barrenness of invention. + +In the present instance, he had a case that required management: a +patron to oblige, and an opponent to circumvent. He had therefore +the art to assume a tone as much divested of sneering as habit would +permit; and began by insinuations that were too flattering to fail +of their effect, yet not quite gross enough to offend. My person, my +appearance, my parliamentary prospects, my understanding, my friends +and connections, all passed in review: while his praise was carefully +tempered; and as I imagined very passably appropriate. + +Hence, it certainly promoted the end for which it was given: it opened +my heart, and prepared me for that generous effusion which rather +inclines to criminate itself than to insist on every trifle that may +be urged in its favour. + +Apt however as he was at detecting vanity in others, he was as open +to it himself, I might almost say, as any man on earth. He began with +a profession of his friendship for the Earl of Idford: in which he +assumed the tone of having conferred a favour on that noble lord; and +I will not deny that he was right. All his acquaintance were friends; +and perhaps he had the longest list of any man in London: for the +effrontery of his familiar claims upon every man he met, from whom he +had any thing to hope or fear, was so extraordinary as to render an +escape from him impossible. He had parroted the phraseology of the +_haut ton_, and its arrogant apathy, till the manner was so habitual +to him that he was unconscious of his own impudence. + +Thus, in conversing on this occasion of the Earl who had deputed him, +the only appellation he had for his patron was Idford. 'I told Idford +what I thought on the subject. For I always speak the truth, and never +deceive people: unless it be to give them pleasure; and then you know +they are the more obliged to me. Glibly, said Idford to me, I know +you will act in this business without partiality. For I must do him +justice, Trevor, and assure you that Idford is a good fellow. I do +not pretend that he is not sensible of the privileges which rank and +fashion give him. He is vain, thinks himself a great orator, a fine +writer, a wise senator, and all that. I grant it. How should it be +otherwise? It is very natural. He would have been a devilish sensible +fellow, if he had not been a lord. But that is not to be helped. You +and I, in his place, should think and act the same. We should be as +much deceived, as silly, and as ridiculous. It is all right. Things +must be so. But Idford is a very good fellow. He is, upon my honor.' + +The surgeon that has a difficult case will not only make preparations +and adjustments before he begins to probe, lacerate, or cauterize, but +will sometimes administer an opiate; to stupefy that sensibility which +he apprehends is too keen. Glibly pursued much the same method; and, +having exhausted nearly all his art, till he found he had produced +as great a propensity to compliance and conciliation as he could +reasonably hope, he proceeded to the business in question. + +'You no doubt guess, my dear Trevor, why my friend Ellis here and I +desired to meet you?' + +'I do.' + +'To say the truth, knowing as I do the soundness of your +understanding, the quickness of your conception, and the consequences +that must follow, which, acute as you are, you could not but foresee, +I was amazed when I read your advertisement!' + +'It is prodigiously surprising, indeed!' added Ellis: eager at every +opportunity to throw in such touches as he thought would give effect +to the colouring of his friend, and leader. + +'Why,' said I, 'do you call it my advertisement?' + +'I mean of a pamphlet which it seems has been written by you.' + +'But is going to be published without my consent.' + +'Are you serious?' said Glibly: staring! + +'It is not my custom to deceive people, Mr. Glibly; _not even to give +them pleasure_.' + +'I am prodigious glad of that!' exclaimed the holy Enoch. Prodigious +glad, indeed!' + +'But you have owned it was written by you?' continued Glibly. + +'I know no good that can result from disowning the truth; and +especially in the present instance.' + +'My dear fellow, truth is a very pretty thing on some occasions: but +to be continually telling truth, as you call it, oh Lord! oh Lord! we +should set the whole world to cutting of throats!' + +'To be sure we should!' cried Ellis. 'To be sure we should! That is my +morality exactly.' + +'Men are men, my dear fellow. A lord is a lord: a bishop is a bishop. +Each in his station. Things could not go on if we did not make +allowances. To tell truth would be to overturn all order.' + +'I am willing to make allowances: for all men are liable to be +mistaken.' + +'I approve that sentiment very much, Mr. Trevor,' interrupted Enoch. +'It is prodigious fine. It is my own. All men are liable to be +mistaken. I have said it a thousand times. It is prodigious fine!' + +'But I cannot conceive,' added I, 'that to overturn systems which are +founded in vice and folly would be to overturn all order. You may +call systematic selfishness, systematic hypocrisy, and systematic +oppression order: but I assert they are disorder.' + +'My dear fellow, nothing is so easy as to assert. But we will leave +this to another time. I dare say that in the main there is no great +difference between us. You wish for all the good things you can get; +and so do I. One of us may take a more round about way to obtain them +than the other: but we both intend to travel to the same goal. I own, +when I heard of your _brouillerie_ with my friend Idford, I thought +you had missed the road. But I find you have more wit than I supposed: +you are now guided by another finger-post. Perhaps it might have been +as well not to have changed. The treasury bench is a strong hold, and +never was so well fortified. It is become impregnable. It includes +the whole power of England, Scotland, and Ireland; both the Indies; +countless islands, and boundless continents: with all the grand +out-works of lords, spiritual and temporal; governors; generals; +admirals; custos rotulorum, and magistracy; bodies corporate, and +chartered companies; excise, and taxation; board and bankruptcy +commissioners; contractors; agents; jobbers; money-lenders, and spies; +with all the gradations of these and many more distinct classes: +understrappers innumerable; an endless swarm; a monstrous mass. Can +it be conjured away by angry breath? No, no. It is no house of cards: +for an individual to attempt to puff it down would be ridiculous +insanity.' + +'A mass indeed! "Making Ossa like a wart." Yet the rubbish must be +removed; and it is mine and every man's duty to handle the spade and +besom. But men want to work miracles; and, because the mountain does +not vanish at a word, they rashly conclude it cannot be diminished. +They are mistaken. Political error is a pestilential cloud; dense with +mephitic and deadly vapours: but a wind has arisen in the south, that +will drive it over states, kingdoms, and empires; till at last it +shall be swept from the face of the earth.' + +'My dear fellow, you have an admirable genius: but you have mistaken +its bent. Depend upon it, you are no politician: though you are a +very great poet. Fine phrases, grand metaphors, beautiful images, all +very admirable! and you have them at command. You are born to be an +ornament to your country. You have a very pretty turn. Very pretty +indeed! And so, which is the point that I was coming to, concerning +this pamphlet. It relates I think to certain letters that appeared, +signed Themistocles.' + +'And to a defence, by my lord the bishop, of the thirty nine +articles,' added Ellis: eager that he and his patron should not be +omitted. + +'You, my dear fellow, had some part in both of these publications.' + +'I do not know what you mean by some part. The substance of them both +was my own.' + +'Ay, ay; you had a share: a considerable share. You and Idford were +friends. You conversed together, and communicated your thoughts to +each other. Did not you?' + +'I grant we did.' + +'I knew you would grant whatever was true. You are the advocate of +truth; and I commend you, Idford mixed with political men, knew the +temper of the times, was acquainted with various anecdotes, and gave +you every information in his power. I know you are too candid to +conceal or disguise the least fact. You would be as ready to condemn +yourself as another. You have real dignity of mind. It gives you a +certain superiority; a kind of grandeur; of real grandeur. It is your +principle.' + +'It ought to be.' + +'No doubt. And I am sure you will own that I have stated the case +fairly. I told you, Mr. Ellis, that I knew my friend Trevor. He has +too much integrity to disown any thing I have said. I dare believe, +were he to read the letters of Themistocles over at this instant, +he would find it difficult to affirm, of any one sentence, that the +thought _might not possibly_ have been suggested in conversation by my +friend Idford. I say _might not possibly_: for you both perceive I am +very desirous on this occasion to be guarded.' + +'It certainly is a difficult thing,' answered I, 'for any man +positively to affirm he can trace the origin of any one thought; and +recollect the moment when it first entered his mind.' + +My lips were opening to proceed: but Glibly with great eagerness +prevented me. + +'I knew, my dear fellow, that your candor was equal to your +understanding. Mr. Ellis, who hears all that passes, will do me the +justice to say that I declared before you came what turn the affair +would take.' + +I was again going to speak, but he was determined I should not, and +proceeded with his unconquerable volubility; purposely leading my mind +to another train of thought. + +'I am very glad indeed that the advertisement which appeared was +not with your approbation. On recollection, I cannot conceive how I +could for a moment suppose it was your own act. A man of the soundest +understanding may be surprised into passion, and may write in a +passion: but he will think again and again, and will be careful not to +publish in a passion. And the delay which has taken place might have +proved to me that you had thought; and had determined not to publish. +Your countenance, when you disowned the advertisement just now, +convinces me that I do you no more than justice, by supposing this of +you.' + +Here the artful orator thought proper to pause for a reply, and I +answered, 'I own that I wrote in a spirit which I do not at present +quite approve.' + +'I know it. What you have said and what you have allowed have so much +of liberality, cool recollection, and dispassionate honesty, that they +are, as I knew they would be, very honourable to you.' + +'Prodigiously, indeed!' said Enoch. + +Glibly continued: 'Your behaviour, in this business, entirely +confirms my good opinion of you; and I give myself some credit for +understanding a man's true character: especially the character of a +man like you. My good friend Ellis and I are entirely satisfied. What +has passed has removed all doubts, and difficulties. We are with you; +and shall report every thing to your advantage.' + +'I wish you to report nothing but the truth.' + +'I know it, my dear fellow. That is what we intend. So, without saying +a word more on that subject, we will now consider what is best to be +done. I understand that the edition about to be published is pirated; +and I suppose you will join us in an application to the Lord +Chancellor for an injunction.' + +'Most eagerly. That was my reason for wishing to see you, so +immediately after my arrival in town; imagining that an application +from Lord Idford, and the bishop, would be more readily attended to +than if it came from a private and unknown individual.' + +'To be sure it would, Mr. Trevor!' said Enoch. 'An application from an +earl and a bishop, is not likely to be overlooked. They are privileged +persons. They are the higher powers. Every thing that concerns them +must be treated with tenderness, and reverence, and humbleness, and +every thing of that kind.' + +The spirit moved me to begin an enquiry into privileges; and the +tenderness and humility due to earls and bishops: particularly to such +as the noble and reverend lords in question: but Glibly guessed my +thoughts, and took care to prevent me! + +'As to those subjects, my dear Ellis,' said he, 'Trevor thinks and +acts on a different system from you and me and the rest of the world. +We must not dispute these points, now; but away, as fast as we can, +and put the business for which we met in a train. The publication must +be stopped. It would injure all parties; and, as you, my dear friend +[Turning to me] justly think at present, would be disgraceful to its +author.' + +After what had been urged by Turl and Wilmot, and the reasoning that +had followed in my own mind, I knew not how to deny this assertion: +though it was painfully grating. But the reader will easily perceive +that this and other strong affirmations, such as I have related, were +designedly made by Glibly. He artfully gabbled on, that he might +lead my mind from attending to them too strictly; and that he might +afterward, if occasion should require, state them, with the colouring +that he should give, as things uttered or allowed by me. + +It ought not to be thought strange that I was deceived by Glibly, +barefaced as his cunning would have appeared to a man more versed +in the arts which over-reaching selfishness daily puts in practice. +He confessedly came in behalf of a party concerned; and, as such, a +liberal mind would be prepared to expect a bias from him rather in +favour of his client. His face was smiling; his tones were soft and +smooth; the words candor, honesty, and integrity, were continually on +his tongue. He affected to be a disinterested arbitrator; and allowed +that his friend Idford, as he called him, might or rather must be +tainted with the vices of his station, and class. Could a youth, +unhacknied in the world, feeling that treachery was not native to +the heart of man, not suspecting on ordinary occasions that it could +exist, could such a tyro in hypocrisy be a fit antagonist for such an +adept? + +Deceit will frequently escape immediate detection: but it seldom +leaves the person, upon whom it is practised, with that clearness +of thought which communicates calm to the mind; producing unruffled +satisfaction, and cheerful good temper. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +_A lawyer and his poetical wife and daughters, or the family of the +Quisques: Praise may give pain: A babbler may bite: More of the +colouring of cunning: A trader's ideas of honesty, and the small sum +for which it may be sold_ + + +We quitted the coffee-house; Glibly in high spirits, and Enoch +concluding things had been done as they should be: but, for my own +part, I experienced a confusion of intellect that did not suffer me to +be so much at my ease. I had an indistinct sense of being as passive +as a blind man with his dog. Instead of taking the lead, as I was +entitled to have done, I was led: hurried away, like a man down a +mountain with a high wind at his back: or traversing dark alleys, +holding by the coat-flap of a guide of whose good intentions I was +very far from having any certainty. + +We proceeded however to the house of a solicitor in chancery; who +transacted business for the Earl. + +Here Glibly, attentive to the plan he had pursued, began by informing +Mr. Quisque, the lawyer, that he had come _at the request_ of his dear +friend, Trevor, to entreat his aid in an affair of some moment. 'Mr. +Trevor is a young gentleman, my dear Quisque, that you will be proud +to be acquainted with; a man of talents; a poet; an orator; an author; +a great genius; an excellent scholar; a fine writer; turns a sentence +or a rhyme with exquisite neatness; very prettily I assure you. I +mention these circumstances, my dear Quisque, because I know you have +a taste for such things: and so has Mrs. Quisque, and the two Miss +Quisques, and all the family. I now and then see very pretty things of +their writing in the Lady's Magazine. An elegy on a robin red-breast. +The drooping violet, a sonnet. And others equally ecstatic. Quite +charming! rapturous! elegant! flowery! sentimental! Some of them very +smart, and epigrammatic. It is a family, my dear Trevor, that you must +become intimate with. Your merit entitles you to the distinction. You +will communicate your mutual productions. You will polish and suggest +charming little delicate emendations, to each other, before you favour +the world with a sight of them.' + +The broadest and coarsest satire was never half so insulting, to the +feelings, as the common-place praise of Glibly. + +The barren-pated Ellis caught one of the favourite diminutives of +Glibly; and finished my panegyric by adding that, 'he must say, his +friend, Mr. Trevor, was a prodigious pretty genius.' + +Who but must have been proud of such an introduction to the family of +the Quisques; by such orators, such eulogists, and such friends? + +Acquainted with Glibly, and accustomed to hear him prate, Mr. Quisque +seemed to listen to him without surprise, pleasure, or pain. It was +what he expected. It was the man. A machine that had no more meaning +than a Dutch clock; repeating cuckoo, as it strikes. + +Among Glibly's acquaintance, or, as he called them, his dear friends, +this was a common but a very false conclusion. He had not adopted his +customary cant without a motive. The man, who can persuade others +that he gabbles in a pleasant but ridiculous and undesigning manner, +will lead them to suppose that his actions are equally incongruous, +and void of intention. He will pass upon the world for an agreeable +harmless fellow, till his malignities are too numerous to escape +notice; and then, where he was before welcomed with the hope of a +laugh, he will continue to be admitted from the dread of a bite. + +A lawyer however feels less of this panic than the rest of mankind: +because he can bite again. The cat o' mountain will not attack the +tiger. + +Glibly returned to the business in hand; and again repeated that he +was come _at the request_ of his dear friend, Trevor, to procure an +injunction: that should prevent the publication of a pamphlet, which +had been written against his friend, Idford. + +'And my lord the Bishop of ****,' added Enoch. + +'Who is the author of it?' demanded Quisque. + +'I am, sir;' answered I. + +'For which my friend Trevor is very sorry;' added Glibly. + +I instantly retorted a denial. 'I never said any thing of the kind, +Mr. Glibly. But I should be very sorry indeed if it were published.' + +'Nay, my dear fellow, according to your own principles, if I do not +mistake them, that which ought not to be published ought not to be +written.' + +The remark was acute: it puzzled me, and I was silent. He proceeded. + +'It is a business that admits of no delay. I should be extremely +chagrined, extremely, upon my honor, that my dear friend Trevor should +commit himself to the public, in this affair. He that wantonly attacks +the characters of others does but strike at his own.' + +I again eagerly replied 'The attack from me, sir, was not wanton. It +was provoked by acts of the most flagrant injustice.' + +Glibly as eagerly interrupted me. + +'My dear fellow, why are you so warm? I was only delivering a general +maxim. I made no application of it; and I am surprised that you +should.' + +The traps of Glibly were numberless; and not to be escaped. Words +are too equivocal and phrases too indefinite, for men like him not +to profit by their ambiguity. To them a quirk in the sense is as +profitable as a pun or a quibble in the sound. They snap at them, as +dogs do at flies. It is no less worthy of observation that, though +some of his actions seemed to laugh severity of moral principle out +of countenance, he continually repeated others which, had his conduct +been regulated by them, would have ranked him among the most worthy of +mankind. + +After farther explanation from Quisque, it was admitted that the +interest of all parties made it necessary for him to act with great +diligence, speed, and caution. + +Through the whole of this scene, Glibly was consistent with himself; +in giving it such a turn and complexion as to make it requisite, +for the preservation of my character above the rest, to prevent the +pamphlet from being published. If, whenever I detected his drift, I +urged the true motives by which I was actuated, he always immediately +admitted them, praised them, and allowed them to be superlatively +excellent: but never failed to give them such an air as should suit +the project he had conceived; and allow of such an interpretation, in +future, as would exculpate my opponents and criminate myself. But he +effected this with such fluency, and so glossed over and coloured his +intention that, like profound darkness, it was every where present, +but neither could be felt nor seen. + +My own activity in this affair, which if I meant to render my +interference effectual was inevitable, contributed to the same end. +I accompanied the whole party, Quisque being one, to the shop of the +publisher. + +Here I detailed the consequences, as well to myself as to the Earl and +the Bishop; and vehemently denounced threats, if the villany that was +begun should be carried into execution. Not all the quieting hints of +my assistants could keep my anger under. I lost all patience, at every +word. My utmost indignation was excited by so black a business. + +The situation was not a new one to the dealer in the alphabet. He +was an old depredator; and had before encountered angry authors, and +artful lawyers. He was cool, collected, and unabashed. Not indeed +entirely: but sufficiently so to excite astonishment. + +He affirmed the copy-right to be his own: would prove he had obtained +it legally; and would face any prosecution that we could bring. He +knew what he was about; and was not to be frightened. He had printed +one edition; and had no doubt that several would be sold. He was an +honest tradesman; and must not be robbed of his profits. What would +the country be if it were not for trade? It ought to be protected: ay +and would be too. The law was as open to an industrious fair trader as +to any lord in the land. Let him too be no loser and then it would be +a different thing: but, as for big words, they broke no bones; and he +knew his ground. + +The hints of the honest trader were too broad to be misunderstood; and +Quisque replied--'I think you mean, sir, that you wish to be repaid +the expence you have sustained?' + +The fellow answered, with the utmost effrontery, 'I have a right, sir, +to be indemnified for the loss of my profits on the sale of the work.' + +Anger and argument were equally vain. There were two ways of +proceeding. Silence and safety might be purchased: or the law might be +let loose on a knave, who set it at defiance. The one was secure: the +other problematical; and replete with the danger which we wished to +avert. + +Quisque asked him what was the sum that he demanded? His reply was +more moderate than from appearances we had reason to expect: it was +one hundred pounds. + +Glibly desired he would permit us to consult five minutes among +ourselves. He withdrew; and the fluent agent remarked the sum was +a trifle: but, trifling as it was, he had no doubt but feelings of +delicacy and honor would dictate that it ought to be jointly paid, by +the three parties principally concerned. + +He had urged a motive which I knew not how to resist, and I gave my +assent. By this manoeuvre he gained the point which he intended. He +implicated me, as paying to suppress a pamphlet which, according to +his interpretation, I at present allowed to be defamatory, and unjust. +The money however was paid, and the copies of the pamphlet were +delivered: and, being determined if possible to avoid such another +accident, those that I had caused to be printed were dislodged from +their garret; both editions, a single copy of each excepted, were +taken into the fields by night, and burned; and thus expired a +production which had aided to drain my pocket, waste my time, and +inflame my passions. + + +END OF VOLUME V + + + + +VOLUME VI + + + + +CHAPTER I + + +_A new and bold project conceived and executed by Wakefield: The +difficulty of making principles agree with practice discussed: Fair +promises on the part of an old offender, the hopes they excite and the +fears that accompany them_ + + +The affair of the pamphlet being removed from my mind, I had leisure +to attend to the other difficulty that had lately crossed me; by the +possession which Wakefield had illegally taken of effects which he +asserted to be his, in the double right of being heir to his uncle +and the husband of my mother, but which, if my information were true, +appertained to me. + +It may well be supposed I communicated all my thoughts to friends like +Evelyn, Wilmot, and Turl; and endeavoured to profit by their advice. + +Law had lately undergone a serious examination from us all; and it +was then the general opinion among us that, though it was impossible +to avoid appealing to it on some occasions, yet nothing but the most +urgent cases could justify such appeals. Enquiries that were to be +regulated, not by a spirit of justice but by the disputatious temper +of men whose trade it was to deceive, and by statutes and precedents +which they might or might not remember, and which, though they might +equivocally and partially apply in some points, in others had no +resemblance, such enquiries ought not lightly to be instituted. +Neither ought the habitual vices which they engender, both in +lawyer and client, nor the miseries they inflict, upon the latter +in particular, and by their consequences upon all society, to be +promoted. + +In the course of the conversation at the tavern, when I dined and +spent the afternoon with the false Belmont, this subject among others +had occurred. Having told him that I had quitted all thoughts of the +law, he enquired into my motives; and, being full of the subject and +zealous to detail its whole iniquity, I not only urged the reasons +that most militate against it both in principle and practice, but, in +the warmth of argument, declared that I doubted whether any man could +bring an action against another without being guilty of injustice. +I considered crime and error as the same. The structure of law I +argued was erroneous, therefore criminal; and I protested against the +attempting to redress a wrong, already committed, by the commission of +more wrong. + +The death of Thornby happened immediately after this conversation +took place; and it is not to be supposed that a man like my young +but inventive father-in-law could forget, or fail in endeavouring to +profit by, such an incident. + +One morning while at breakfast, I received a note from him, signed +Belmont; in which he requested me again to dine and spend the +afternoon with him: alleging that an event had taken place in which he +was deeply interested: adding that he had been lately led to reflect +on many of the remarks I had made; and that he hoped the period was +come when he should be able to change the system to which I was so +inimical, for one that better agreed with my own sentiments: but that +my advice was particularly necessary, on the present occasion. + +The note gave me pleasure. That a man with such powers of mind, and +charms of conversation, should have only a chance of changing, from +what he was to what I hoped, was delightful. And that he should call +upon me for advice, at such a juncture, was flattering. + +I answered that an engagement already formed prevented me from meeting +him, on that day: but I appointed the next morning for an interview. +Dining I declined; as a hint that I disapproved the attempt he had +made to entrap me. + +The engagement I had was to accompany Lady Bray, to one of the +families acquainted with the Mowbrays; and where it was expected we +should meet Olivia, and her aunt. This expectation, which kept my +spirits in a flutter the whole day and increased to alarm and dread in +the evening, was disappointed. Whether from any real or a pretended +accident on the part of the aunt, who sent an apology, was more than I +had an opportunity to know. + +I kept my appointment, on the following morning; and was rather +surprised, when we met, at perceiving that the still pretended +Belmont, like myself, was in deep mourning. I began to make enquiries, +to which he gave short answers; and, turning the interrogatories upon +me, asked which of my relations was dead? + +'My mother.' + +'Oh: I remember. Mrs. Wakefield. Are you still as angry with her +husband as ever?' + +'I really cannot tell. Though I have what most people would think much +greater cause.' + +'Indeed! What has he done more?' + +'Taken possession of property which is mine.' + +'By what right is it yours?' + +'It was bequeathed me by my grandfather; and since that by his +executor.' + +'The uncle of this Wakefield, I think you told me?' + +'Yes. A lawyer. One Thornby; who was induced by death-bed terrors to +restore what he had robbed me of while living.' + +'That is, he lived a knave, and died a fool and a fanatic.' + +'I suspect that he died as he had lived. Knavery and fanaticism are +frequently coupled.' + +'And how do you intend to proceed?' + +'I do not know. I have not yet consulted a lawyer.' + +'Consulted a lawyer? You surprise me! When last I saw you, I was +half convinced by you that a man cannot justly seek redress at law. +Its sources you proved to be corrupt, its powers inadequate, and +its decisions never accurate; therefore never just. This was your +language. You reprobated those accommodating rules by which I +endeavoured to obtain happiness; and urged arguments that made a deep +impression upon me. Now that self-interest gives you an impulse, are +your principles become as pliant as mine; which you so seriously +reproved?' + +I paused, and then replied--'I imagine you take some delight in having +found an opportunity of retorting upon me; and of laughing at what you +still consider as folly.' + +'Indeed you mistake. I hope by reminding you of your own doctrine to +induce you to put it in practice. The virtue that consists only in +words is but a vapour.' + +'Surely you will allow this is an extreme if not a doubtful case. I +do not mean to commence an action, till I have considered it very +seriously: but I presume you do not require infallibility of me? Or, +if you do, it is what I cannot expect from myself. I have frequently +been led to doubt whether principles the most indubitable must not +bend to the mistakes and institutions of society. 'This doubt is to me +the most painful that can cross the mind: but it is one from which I +cannot wholly escape.' + +'Your tone I find is greatly altered. How strenuous, how firm, how +founded, were all your maxims; when last we met.' + +'And so, I am persuaded, the maxims of truth will always remain.' + +'Then why depart from them? Another of them, which I likewise +recollect to have heard from you, is that the laws which pretend to +regulate property, whether by will, entail, or any other descent, are +all unjust: for that effects of all kinds should be so appropriated as +to produce the greatest good.' + +'I do not see how that can be denied. But this is strongly to the +point in my favour, as I suppose: for the institutes of society render +the application of the principle impracticable; and therefore I think +the property may have a greater chance of being applied to a good +purpose, if allotted to me, than if retained by this Wakefield; whose +vices are extraordinary.' + +'You believe him to be a man of some talent?' + +'All that know him affirm his understanding would be of the first +order, were it worthily employed.' + +'Then would it not be a good application of the property in +contest, if it should both enable and induce him so to employ his +understanding?' + +'Oh, of that there is no hope.' + +'How do you know? I believe you have thought the same of me: but you +may chance to be mistaken. And now I will tell you a secret. I am in +the very predicament of this Wakefield. A relation is dead, who has +left his property away from me: by what right is more than I can +discover; at least in the spirit of those laws which pretend to +regulate such matters: for their spirit is force. Lands wrested from +the helpless they consign to the robber. I am in possession; and doubt +whether, even according to your code, I ought to resign. I certainly +ought not according to my own. I will acknowledge to you that I think +well of the man who claims the property I withhold. But I cannot think +so well of him as of myself: for I cannot be so well acquainted with +his thoughts as with my own. I know my own wants, my own powers, and +my own plans. I should be glad to do him good, but I should be sorry +to do myself ill. You accuse me of having fallen into erroneous +habits, of making false calculations, and of tasting pleasures that +are dangerous and of short duration. I have ridiculed your arguments: +but I have not forgotten them. Neither has the enquiring spirit that +is abroad been unknown to or unnoticed by me. Early powers of mind +gave me the early means of indulgence. I revelled in pleasure, +squandered all I could procure, and was led by one successful artifice +to another, till I became what I can certainly no otherwise justify +than by the selfish spirit of the world. In this I find the rule is +for each to seize on all that he can, with safety; and to swallow, +hoard, or waste it at will. I have attempted to profit by vice which +I knew not how to avoid. But, if there be a safer road to happiness, +I am no idiot: I am as desirous of pursuing it as you can be. The +respect of the world, the security from pains and penalties, and the +approbation of my own heart, are all of them as dear to me as to you. +I have thought much, have had much experience, and have the power of +comparing facts and sensations as largely perhaps as another. + +'I will not deny that to trick selfishness by its own arts, to +laugh at its stupidity, and to outwit its contemptible cunning, are +practices that have tickled my vanity; and have perhaps formed one of +my chief sources of pleasure. But habit and pleasure led me to extend +such projects; and to prey upon the well-meaning, and the kind, with +almost as much avidity as on those of an opposite character. + +'However, though I did not want plausible arguments in my own +justification, I cannot affirm that my heart was wholly at ease. New +thoughts have occurred, other prospects have been contemplated, and my +dissatisfaction has increased. You cannot but have remarked that, in +the course of human life, most men undergo more than one remarkable +change. The sober man becomes a drunkard, the drunkard sober, and +the spendthrift sometimes a rational economist: though perhaps more +frequently a miser. + +'Yet, though I am disposed to alter my conduct, supposing me +to possess the means of bidding defiance to mankind, I have no +inclination to subject myself to their neglect, their pity, or +their scorn. Be it want of courage or want of wisdom, I have not +an intention to shut myself out from society. If I may be admitted +on fair and liberal terms, I am content: but, I honestly tell you, +admitted I will be. I have shut the door of dependency upon myself, +were I so inclined. Offices of trust would not be committed to me. +And to live rejected, in poverty and wretchedness, pointed at and +pretended to be despised by the knaves and fools with whom the world +is filled, is a condition to which I will never submit. + +'Consequently, the property of which I have possessed myself I am in +either case determined to use every effort to keep. If I am suffered +to keep it quietly, my present inclinations are what I have been +describing. If contention must come, we must then have a trial of +skill upon the opposite system.' + +I listened to this discourse, attentive to every sentence, anxious for +the next, and agitated by various contradictory emotions. I saw the +difficulties of the supposed case; and knew not what to answer, or +what to advise. That a man like this should become what he seemed half +to promise was a thought that consoled and expanded the heart. But +that it should depend upon so improbable an event as that of another +renouncing a claim, which the law gave him, to property in dispute, +was a most painful alternative. My sensations were of hope suddenly +kindled, and as suddenly killed. + +After waiting some time without any reply from me, he added 'Let +us suppose, Mr. Trevor, a whimsical, or if you please a strange, +coincidence between the man with whom you have been so angry +and myself. I mean Wakefield. What if he felt some of the sober +propensities toward which I find a kind of a call in myself?' + +'He is not to be trusted. In him it would be artifice: or at least +nobody would believe it could be any thing else.' + +'Mark now what chance there is, in a world like this, for a man whom +it has once deemed criminal to reform. Oppressed, insulted, and +pursued by the good, what resource has he but to associate with the +wicked?' + +'He that, with the fairest seeming and the most specious pretences, +affirming time after time that, though he had deceived before, he +now was honest, he that shall yet again and again repeat his acts +of infamy cannot complain, if no man should be willing to trust his +happiness to such keeping.' + +'I find what I am to expect from you. The very same will be said of +me.' + +'No: you have not been equally unprincipled, and vile.' + +'These are coarse or at least harsh terms. However, I take them to +myself; and affirm that I have.' + +'How can you make such an affirmation? How do you know?' + +'A man may calculate on probabilities; and this is a moment in which +I do not wish to conceal the full estimate which I make of my own +conduct from you. Being therefore, seriously and speaking to the +best of my judgment, as culpable as Wakefield, let my course of +life hereafter be what it will, I find I am to expect no credit for +sincerity from you?' + +'You do not know Wakefield.' + +'Neither it seems do you.' + +'There is something in your countenance, in your conversation, and in +the free and undisguised honesty even of your vices, that a man like +Wakefield cannot possess.' + +'Have you forgotten that, though I can be open and honest, I can be +artful? Do you not remember billiards, hazard, and Bath?' + +'Yes: but Wakefield would be incapable of the qualities of mind which +you are now displaying. With you I feel myself in the company of a man +of a perverted but a magnanimous spirit. With all your faults, I could +hug you to my heart. But Wakefield! who made women and men alike his +prey; to whose devilish arts the virtue and happiness of an amiable, +I may say a charming, woman were sacrificed; and the life of one of +the first of mankind was endangered; that he should resemble you, and +especially that he should resemble you with your present inclinations, +oh! would that were possible!' + +'There is generosity in the wish. It denotes a power in you of +allaying one of the most active fiends that torment mankind: the +spirit of revenge.' + +'It is a spirit I own to which I have been too subject; and which I +could wish to exorcise for ever.' + +'Put it to the test. Let us suppose you should discover as much of +promise in Wakefield as you imagine you do in me.' + +'I should then put _him_ to the test. I should demand of him to repair +the wrongs he has done Miss Wilmot!' + +'What if you should find him already so disposed?' + +'Impossible. Or if he were, it would be with some design!' + +'Ay: perhaps a proposition that you should leave him quietly possessed +of the disputed property.' + +'And, having obtained that, he would desert his second wife as he had +done his first.' + +'There is some difference between a young woman and an old one. +Beside, if your account be true, Mrs. Wakefield, though she was your +mother, was very inferior to Miss Wilmot.' + +'You forget that he seduced this lady, and deserted her.' + +'I have heard or read of a man who, after being divorced even from a +wife, became more passionately in love with her than ever.' + +'Wakefield is incapable of love.' + +'You frame to yourself a most black and deformed being of this +Wakefield.' + +'And you suppose a degree of sympathy, between yourself and him, which +cannot exist.' + +'Why not? His wit, person, and manners, I have heard you describe as +winning.' + +'I only gave the picture which I had from an affectionate though a +most injured woman.' + +'I recollect the story perfectly. When you repeated it, +notwithstanding my raillery, I was more moved than you had reason to +imagine. I am persuaded that Wakefield himself, had he listened to it, +would have felt a few uneasy sensations.' + +'I fear not.' + +'Why so? Is he made of materials totally different from other men? +Dissect him, and I imagine you will find he has a heart.' + +'But of what quality?' + +'Better than you at present seem to give him credit for.' + +'What grounds have you for thinking so favourably of him?' + +'Very excellent. Don't be surprised. I know the man.' + +'Is it possible?' + +'Where is the wonder? Knaves of other classes associate, and why +should not gamblers?' + +'It may be, then, you are deputed to speak in his behalf?' + +'I wrote to you, and introduced this conversation, for that very +purpose. I know him as intimately as I can know any man. I would speak +of him as of myself, of his defects as of my own, and I declare it +as my opinion that, if he might be permitted to enjoy his uncle's +property in peace, he would change his system. To this property he +supposes he has the best claim. He is Thornby's heir at law; and, as +to the manner in which the wealth he left was acquired, if a general +inquisition were made into the original right to every species of +property, he is persuaded that ninety-nine rich men in a hundred would +be turned into the streets to beg.' + +'What you have related has greatly surprised me. You have pleaded +and continue to plead his cause very powerfully: but have you no +consideration for me? Granting all you have supposed in his favour +possible, am I so situated as to justify a romantic renunciation of +claims which, if asserted, may aid me to accomplish my dearest hopes?' + +'To a man like you perhaps I could be contented to resign these +claims. I need not say "perhaps": I am certain I could, were I +thoroughly persuaded you would forsake a life of artifice and plunder, +and were I myself only concerned. + +'But that is not the case. I have an object to accomplish so dear to +my heart that it swallows up lesser considerations, and will not allow +me to neglect any honest means by which it may be promoted. Wealth to +me is indispensible; wealth that shall place me on a level with a rich +and proud family with which I have to contend. I have an impulse such +perhaps as you have never felt. There is a woman in the world, endowed +with such qualities that to say I passionately love her is a most +impotent expression of what I feel: for to tenderness and ardour of +affection must be added all that simplicity, purity, and grandeur +of soul can inspire. To think of life without her is to think of a +world sterile, desolate, and joyless: of a night to which day shall +never succeed: and of existence arrested and chained in motionless +despondency.' + +'Which might be very pitiful; or very sublime: just as you please: but +which would be very absurd.' + +'Granted: but this is the fever of my mind; the disease to which, +should my hopes be disappointed, I feel myself dangerously impelled.' + +'The interpretation of all which is, that, though you have discovered +principles, which if pursued would secure to yourself and mankind in +general certain happiness, and that though you can deal forth their +dogmas and point out the path which others indubitably ought to take, +yet, when your own passions are concerned, you act like the rest of +the world. And you do this, not blindly, as they do, but, with your +eyes open; at the moment that you are reminded of your maxims, and +acknowledge their truth.' + +'Your accusation is premature. I have hitherto done nothing more than +express my feelings and my doubts.' + +'But these doubts, spurred on by these feelings, assure me that you +will proceed against Wakefield.' + +'You may think yourself assured: I conceive myself to be uncertain. I +would willingly condemn myself to great punishment, were it to promote +any plan of the goodness of which there should be a conviction. I can +even suppose cases in which I would not only devote my life, for that +in comparison appears to be a trifle, but would resign the woman whom +my soul adores. Sacrifices like these however cannot be expected on +light occasions. The good to be obtained ought to be evidently greater +than the evil to be endured.' + +He paused a moment to collect his ideas, and then replied. + +'If, Mr. Trevor, you are the man of that eminent virtue which I have +sometimes thought you, and to which by your discourse to me you have +certainly made very lofty pretensions, I would advise you to reflect +on what I shall once more state. I know that this Wakefield, of +whom you think so ill, and who has been quite as guilty as you have +supposed, is now inclined to be a different man. I would have you +consider, first, to whom does the property in justice belong? I think +you will find that to be doubtful. Next, supposing it to be legally +yours, may you not nevertheless be defrauded of it by law? And, +lastly, appeal to your own principles, and ask yourself whether it be +not better that you should have a chance of doing the good which you +conceive would be done, by recovering such a man as Wakefield to that +respect in society by which his talents might be well employed; or +whether it can be consistent with your own sense of right to take +methods which you acknowledge to be precarious, and unjust, in order +to dispossess him and to appropriate that to yourself to which, if you +are impartial, you will perhaps find it difficult to prove, even to +your own satisfaction, that you have a clear and undoubted claim?' + +Through this whole scene, instead of diverting my attention from the +argument by gay raillery, witty allusions, or a recurrence to the +depravity of man, and the practice of the world, he kept closely to +the question, preserved the tone of earnest discussion, and, having +uttered what I have last repeated, took his leave with that serious +air which he had thus unexpectedly assumed, and maintained. + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +_The plan of Wakefield pursued, and the hopes and fears of an +affectionate woman: News of Philip: An artless exculpatory tale_ + + +Quitting the place, meditating on the scene that had passed, surprised +at every part of it, at the interested manner of the man, at the +intimate knowledge which he professed to have of Wakefield, at the +promises and the threats which he appeared to make in his name, at +the coincidence not only of their characters, if his account were +true, but at their similar incidents of fortune and corresponding +inclinations to reform, astonished while I recollected these various +particulars, instead of returning immediately to my lodgings I called +on Miss Wilmot. + +When I came to the door, I had scarcely decided with myself whether +it were advisable to relate what had passed to her, which as she was +personally in question I thought myself bound to do whenever it could +be done with safety; or whether, if related at present, it might not +excite hopes that would be disappointed, and anxieties prejudicial to +her peace. + +She no sooner saw me than she exclaimed--'I am very glad you are come, +Mr. Trevor! I have two unexpected affairs, on which I wish to consult +you. One of them relates to myself; and I will begin with that because +you are not only concerned in it but are appealed to in a very +remarkable manner. I have received two extraordinary letters; by both +of which I have been not a little affected. Pray read this first. It +is from Mr. Wakefield. The promises it contains, the style it assumes, +and the appeal it makes, are so strange as to appear either like +miracle or romance.' + +She then gave me a letter, and I read as follows. + +'Should you imagine, Lydia, that because I have long forborn all +intercourse with you I have forgotten you, be assured you are +mistaken. I have treated you so shamefully, and deceived you so often, +that I have little right to expect you should believe my professions, +be moved by my intreaties, or remember me with any other feelings than +those of hatred. Yet, to deal sincerely with you, this is what I do +not expect. I have had such proofs of the kindness of your heart, and +the strength of your affection, that my confidence is still entire. + +'It is the more unshaken because my own intentions are direct: of +which the plainness with which I shall deliver my thoughts will I +imagine be some proof. + +'I once more repeat, I have behaved to you like a ---- Spare me the +word. It is enough to recollect that I have been the thing. I could +plead the extreme vivacity of my youth, my ungovernable passions, and +the dangerous temptation of critical moments; but that I will not +exhibit any feature of pitiful apology, or endeavour to extenuate what +I cannot defend. + +'You are intimate with Mr. Trevor. You know that his mother, my late +wife, is dead; and you have heard of a will, said to have been left by +my uncle. I feel but little scruple in affirming that I imbibed many +of the vices of my early youth from being placed under this uncle's +care. That such a man should die like a coward, and endeavour to +disinherit a relation to save his soul, supposing this disinheritance +to be true, would be no miracle. It would only be an act of +contemptible stupidity. + +'I will not here enter into any enquiries of a legal kind: for I +will be open enough to own that, being in possession both in right +of my wife and as the heir of my uncle of the property he left, and +determined as I am to assert my claims, which I think paramount to +those of any other person, I will not commit myself even to you. On +the contrary, I write this letter purposely that you may shew it to +Mr. Trevor. + +'You will ask my motive for this, and perhaps will be surprised at my +answer. + +'By certain whimsical accidents, I have become acquainted with Mr. +Trevor's principles. I believe, or I rather know, him to be possessed +of a heart and understanding equally excellent. I wish to appeal to +them both. When he shall read this, he will have had a conversation +relating to me; which may have led him to expect the language I am +about to use. In an argument concerning property he cannot forget that +he lately delivered himself thus: + +"If I strictly adhere to the principle of justice, I must not singly +consider my own wishes; which may create innumerable false wants, and +crave to have them gratified. I must ask is there no being, within my +knowledge, who may be more benefited by the enjoyment of that which +I am desirous to appropriate to myself than I can? If so, what right +have I to prefer self gratification to superior utility?" + +'Mine is a case in point. + +'Again: property is left for which he may be induced to contend; and +which, should he do so, will probably be dissipated in law. If not, it +may with no less probability be decided by law to be mine. He affirms +that to contend at law is immoral. + +'Do you and he listen to what I have now to say. + +'I am desirous of totally changing my conduct. I have a heart more +capable of affection than you, Lydia, have reason to suppose; and I +love you. My ambition at present is to do you much more good than +I have ever done you harm. I am once more at my own disposal; and, +unless that ardent love which you formerly bore me be entirely +changed, which I do not believe it is, I am now sincerely desirous to +make you my wife. + +'But I will not deceive you. I can only be such a husband as you desire +on condition of being left in quiet possession of that which I believe +to be my own. I have ruined my character. Offices of emolument are +not easily obtained; but, if they were, I am not a man to be trusted. +I will not live a beggar; deprived of all the blessings in which the +fools around me wallow, till they turn them into curses. I wish to +live happily: unmolesting, and unmolested: but, if I must either prey +or be preyed upon, I am still resolved rather to act the fox than the +goose. + +'I know you will condemn this determination; but I am speaking openly; +and telling you what my intentions are, without entering into their +defence. + +'Supposing Mr. Trevor to be convinced that the law will decide the +property contested in his favour, the sacrifice demanded of him is +perhaps too great to be expected from any man. Yet, from what I have +heard and what I know, this is the sacrifice that I do expect. I +expect it from his abhorrence of pretending to seek justice by the aid +of law. I expect it from that principle which decides in favour of the +greatest good. And I expect it from the earnest desire I have heard +him express that you might be restored to that happiness which, for a +time, you have lost. + +'Should he or you conclude that the motives I now urge originate in +that artifice of which I have been very justly accused, I ought +perhaps to feel no surprise, and shall certainly make no complaint. +But, believe me or believe me not, I have spoken with a sincerity of +heart for which I am likely to gain but little credit. Such I feel, +at this moment, are the misfortunes to which cunning subjects itself. +I am a man but little subject to fear: yet, I own, the fear of being +thought still to possess nothing better than this cunning assaults me, +obliges me to omit the tender epithets that are in my thoughts, and +without addition to sign myself + +F. WAKEFIELD.' + +While I read, the eyes of Miss Wilmot were fixed upon my countenance. +Whenever I looked toward her, I could perceive the strong emotions, of +hope and fear, by which she was agitated. + +When I had ended, I said--'Mr. Wakefield is indeed an extraordinary +man! Be his intentions honest or base, the strength and clearness of +his mind and his knowledge of the human heart, when we recollect how +these faculties have been employed, are truly astonishing. If this be +a plan of artifice, it is little less than miraculous. Yet who can +believe it to be any thing else?' + +Miss Wilmot heaved a deep sigh, and attempted to speak: but she only +stammered. Her utterance failed; and her eyes were cast on the floor. +Hope and despair were combating; and the latter was the strongest. +She wished to confide, she wished to plead for the possibility of his +being sincere: but the mischief he had inflicted, the deceit he had +practised, and a remembrance of the picture she had formerly given me +of him, rushed upon her mind; and her spirits sunk. + +'Look up, lovely Lydia,' said I, taking her hand, 'and revive. There +is, there must be hope. The man who could write this letter cannot be +all villain.' + +The struggle of the passions was violent. A momentary wildness, such +as I had formerly witnessed, flashed in her eyes; she started from +her seat, griped my hand, then bursting into tears exclaimed--'Oh Mr. +Trevor!' and dropped down again upon the chair. + +Eager to relieve a heart so overcharged, I again addressed her. 'If,' +said I, 'the property left by Mr. Wakefield's uncle can really be +employed to so noble a purpose as that of reclaiming him and making +you happy, let me perish rather than endeavour to counteract such +blessings. Let me be the thing he so much dreads, a beggar: but let me +obey the purest passions of the heart, when they are sanctioned by the +best principles of the understanding.' + +Till this instant she had forgotten that, if I consented to enrich +him, I must rob myself. But the thought no sooner occurred than she +cried, 'No! It must not be! It cannot be! To require it of you is +infamous. It debases him, and would make me hate myself; were I to +participate in such an action.' + +'You judge too severely,' I replied. 'I am not so unfortunately +circumstanced as he is. My character is not lost. I am not shut out of +society. I have friends, plans, and prospects; and, granting him to +be sincere, his arguments, as far as they relate to him and me, are I +suspect unanswerable. Of that sincerity I would fain not doubt: but it +is our mutual duty to be wary. Here therefore at present the matter +shall rest. I am determined to bring no action, till time and future +events shall teach me the course I ought to pursue.' + +Overwhelmed by a sense of obligation, and by the thronging emotions +of every kind that assailed her, she was again half suffocated with +passion. As she recovered her eyes sufficiently spoke her feelings. + +When she grew calm, she was led to ask what conversation I had had, +and with whom, relative to Mr. Wakefield? I gave her the history of +my acquaintance with the supposed Belmont, and of the scene that had +passed that very day: which she thought altogether surprising, and +seemed to shrink with the fear that it was an artful plan, contrived +by artful men. She was in some sort appeased, however, when I once +more reminded her of my determination to wait and hope for the best. + +I then enquired concerning the second letter she had mentioned? To +which she answered--'It is addressed to me, as a mediator: but relates +entirely to you, and the person who wrote it; your poor penitent +servant, Philip.' + +She gave it me; and these were its contents. + +'Honoured madam, + +'I make bold to lay my case before you; which as it is very grievous +I hope it may move you to pity me. I am the young man that lived with +my honoured master Mr. Trevor; in the same house, madam, that you are +pleased to live. My name is Philip. I have been guilty of a very great +fault; for which my conscience worries me night and day. So that I am +sure I shall never forgive myself: though I take my holy saviour to +witness it was more a mistake than a thought of committing so wicked +a crime. I was in a flurry, so that I did not know what I was about; +for to think of having robbed a master that was so kind to me is such +a sin and a shame as never was. But I had no notion but that my poor +dear master had drowned himself in the river; and so, as he had told +me the day before to make up my account and he would pay me the next +morning, I thought it was hard that I should lose my wages and the +money beside which I had laid out for washing, and newspapers, and +tea, and sugar, and other materials of that kind: which, though my +wages _was_ only eight pounds eight shillings, made up the whole to +twelve pounds five and threepence three farthings. Which was the +reason to make me do so base a thing as it would else have been as to +break open the box, and take out a ten pound note, and four pair of +stockings, and two waistcoats: because I knew very well my master's +kindness so that it is ten to one if he had lived to make his will he +would have given me them and more. After which I hurried away: being +as I was told of a place, with an old master that I was sure would +take me again. But I had no more thought that Mr. Trevor was living +than the child unborn: which since I discovered I have never been +at rest; being out of place, and having nobody now to ask for a +character, which is the greatest misfor_tin_ that can behappen a poor +servant that never was guilty of such an action as breaking open his +master's box, and running away with his money and things, in all my +life before, or since. So that I was tempted to list for a soldier; +but that I happened, honoured madam, to meet your maid Mary, and she +persuaded me to write to Mr. Trevor: which I durst not do, though I +know his goodness. So she said your honoured ladyship would be so kind +and tender hearted as to lay my case before Mr. Trevor, and my dear +and honoured mistress, Miss Mowbray, both of _which_ I would run to +the world's end to serve. On which she said she was sure they would +take my case into merciful consideration, and grant me their gracious +forgiveness. + +'Which is the humble petition of your distressed servant to command, +honoured madam. + +PHILIP FRANKS.' + +Poor fellow! Forgive thee? What is thy crime? An inaccuracy. A mistake +of judgment. A desire to do thyself right, without intentional wrong +to me or any one. Yet for this mistake, differently circumstanced, +thou mightest have lost thy life, and have been hanged like a dog! + +I too accused thee of robbery, of taking more than thy due, when thou +tookest less. Hadst thou offered thy old waistcoats and stockings to a +street hawker, he would not have given thee half the surplus that was +thy due. + +Such were the reflections that broke from me, after perusing his +simple but affecting defence. + +Mary was called up, and questioned. She knew where he lived: for the +poor, little inclined to suspicion, confide in each other. It is the +rich only that tempt them to be treacherous. + +After consulting with Miss Wilmot, it was determined that she should +write to Olivia; enclosing Philip's letter, and requesting her to +give him a character. I knew she would take care to see him paid the +wages that were his due; and, as I had been the cause of his want of +employment since the fright he took at Cranford-bridge, I left money +to reimburse him for the loss of his time from that period. + +The people I mixed with, and the prejudices of the world, required +that I should keep a servant: but, though the man that was with me was +by no means so great a favourite as Philip had been, I did not think +I had sufficient cause to discharge him for another. There was an +additional motive for not wishing Philip to be my servant again; at +least not under my present circumstances. Olivia's aunt had imagined +we were in league, at Cranford-bridge; and, should she see him +once more in my service, that suspicion might either be revived or +strengthened. + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +_The period of contention approaches, and the unabated patriotism of +the Baronet: Hector and the Earl become enemies, and I am made the +subject of newspaper calumny: Threatening appearances: A journey +projected: A tragical event, giving occasion to the practice of some +small portion of humanity_ + + +The dissolution of parliament was hourly expected. Flying reports +fixed it to happen on different days; but none of them very +distant. The zeal of Sir Barnard, in behalf of his country and its +constitution, was unabated. The measures of ministry were wicked +beyond example; and the servility of parliament was unequalled, since +the time of the Tudors. Such was the Baronet's continual theme. + +From him, and the political circles I frequented, I heard news in +which I might be said to be personally concerned. In consequence of +the firm refusal of Olivia, a rupture had taken place between Lord +Idford and the family: much at first to the regret of the Mowbrays; +till the turn that the quarrel took enflamed the latter. + +Hector Mowbray had great property, and influence, in the county of +which he and I were both natives. Of this county the Earl was the Lord +Lieutenant; and here he likewise had his dependents, and partisans. +The Mowbrays were wealthy; and Hector was ambitious of being elected +knight of the shire. When it was first proposed, the aunt forwarded +the project: for there was no probability that any other candidate so +powerful should start. The joint interest of the Earl and the Mowbrays +would defy opposition. + +The Earl however understood traffic; and, finding himself so +positively refused by Olivia, he thought proper to inform the family +that she must either be induced to consent, or, instead of aiding to +bring Hector into parliament, he should himself propose and support +another candidate with the whole weight of his interest. The threat +was galling. It was insinuated first to the aunt; and, when Hector was +informed of it, he affected to vapour and treat it with defiance; but, +on better consideration, he and the aunt thought proper to importune +Olivia, hoping they should oblige her to comply. Threats and +intreaties alike were vain. Her resolution was not to be shaken; and +the Earl more openly declared that, if she should think proper to +persist, he would beggar himself rather than Hector should carry his +election. + +Hector had been canvassing the county, had subscribed to races, been +present at the assizes, given public dinners, and taken various means +to increase his popularity; of which he had become inordinately vain. +Inflated therefore with a certainty of victory, he threw down the +gauntlet, and dared the Earl to the field. + +In the mean time, paragraphs appeared in a morning and an evening +paper, both of them sold to Government, and the echoes of each other, +that were evidently aimed at me, and my connections. At first I could +not have conceived how I should have attracted the attention of those +worthy gentlemen, who earn their bread by the daily manufactory of +lampoons: but I was soon informed that this is become a regular branch +of business; and that the motives to carry it on are many. These +motives originate in paymasters, of various descriptions: of whom the +treasury is supposed to be the chief. + +The libels, of which I was the subject, aimed to be satirical; but +were too dull of wing to hit their mark: they were only malignant. +They could neither tickle the fancy nor gall the heart; but they +proved that I had lurking enemies, who wished to wound, did they but +know when and where to strike. + +It was well known that my professedly dear friend, Glibly, was +principally concerned in the morning paper where these libels +generally appeared. When I first became acquainted with him, he +affected indifference to parties; and was ready to praise or laugh at +either, as circumstances should happen to direct him: but, when the +temper of the times became intolerant and acrimonious, he thought it +prudent to take a decided part. That such a man should declare in +favour of the weakest was not to be expected; and he now associated +with the known hirelings of ministry, of whom I was a still more open +and undisguised opponent. + +By these attacks on me, Glibly therefore, for they were undoubtedly +a part of his handy-work, Glibly, I say, had a three-fold motive. +He indulged a propensity, which strange to say he had acquired, +of wounding in the dark, that he might smile and shake hands with +the insulted person in broad day; he answered the end for which +ministry retained him, that of decrying all its antagonists; and he +particularly forwarded the views of another of his dear friends, the +Earl. + +The general complexion of paragraphs like these is falsehood; which is +sometimes direct, though it is more commonly a perversion of existing +facts. The pamphlet I had written, which had been partially made known +to the public by the advertisement that had appeared, the patronage of +Sir Barnard, my ambitious views on the Mowbray family, with such other +particulars as the indefatigable Glibly could collect, sometimes +delivered in obscure allusions and at others more openly, were the +topics of calumny. How many of these ingenious devices to irritate and +injure were framed I never knew: for I seldom read them myself, though +I heard of them sufficiently often to be assured that they were +numerous. + +There were various means by which they might have been stopped; and +of which, in ordinary cases bribing is chiefly practised: but in this +instance fighting, or the law, would have been more effectual. Of +these however I totally disapproved. Defamation is an evil: but death +is generally and perhaps always a greater; and to prevent enquiry +is among the worst of evils. I was not yet sufficiently acquainted, +however, with the mistakes to which men are subject, or rather +impelled by the institutions they admire, not to feel great surprise +and some indignation at the obstacles which I found were continually +to impede my career. He who has never travelled into the country of +Mosquitoes is not aware how slight a net-work covering will preserve +him from their sting. + +These were trifles, and would have been unworthy of notice had they +not resembled the small cloudy speck, which, though scarcely visible +in the distant horizon, approaches, and swells, and bursts over the +head in a storm. The beginning contest between the Earl and the +Mowbray family, the interest which the worthy Mr. Glibly had thought +proper to take in me and my affairs, the patriotism of Sir Barnard, +nay the friendship of Mr. Evelyn himself, that best of men, were but +so many links in the chain of that fate which was impending. + +At present, however, with respect to the Baronet, I daily increased in +favour. He frequently requested me to accompany him when he went down +to the house; and paraded with me, arm in arm, through the avenues: +catching every man he knew by the button, and introducing me; then +descanting on the news of the day, the victories of the minister among +his creatures and in the house, and the defeats of his projects every +where else. + +At length it was generally affirmed and believed that parliament would +be dissolved in a fortnight; and, as Sir Barnard wished to keep well +with his borough, he proposed that we should go down and visit the +worthy and independent electors: among whom he observed we might spend +a few days in a pleasant manner, and advantageously to his interest, +till the writ of election should be issued. This was on the Wednesday: +but, as there was to be a debate and probably a division of the house +on Friday, his sense of public duty would not permit him to be absent +on such an occasion, and we agreed to defer our journey till Saturday +morning. + +During this short interval an incident occurred, which it is necessary +I should relate. It happened on the Thursday that, after spending the +day near Richmond, where I had been invited to dine, I was returning +home on horseback, followed by my servant: for I thought myself +obliged to practise some part of that aristocracy which I nevertheless +very sincerely condemned. + +The night was starlight; and, as we were cantering down a lane at the +entrance of Barnes common, we heard distant cries and the report of a +pistol, in the direction as we believed in which we were proceeding. +I immediately stopped, and listened very attentively: but all was soon +silent. Being convinced as well by the cries as the firing of the +pistol that a robbery, if not something worse, had been committed, and +not certainly knowing from what point the sound came, I rode gently +forward and continued to listen with the utmost attention: desiring my +servant to do the same. + +We rode on, still walking our horses and looking cautiously round for +some time, without any sight or sound of man approaching us, till we +came to a gate at the edge of the common. Here I saw a horse standing +patiently, without his rider; and stopping once more to look and +listen, I presently perceived an indistinct object: which I discovered +to be a man; wounded and weltering in his blood. + +I spoke to him: but no answer was returned, nor any sound. I then +raised the body in my arms, and it appeared to be lifeless. + +What was to be done? A human being, who might be dead or might not, in +either case, must not be left in such a situation. + +The neighbourhood is populous, and I could distinguish lights at no +very great distance. Fearing lest, if I sent my servant he should +blunder, or that the persons he might address himself to would be less +likely to pay attention to him than to me, I bade him remain by the +dead or wounded man; and, mounting my horse, I rode away immediately +to procure aid. + +My direction was across the common; and fortunately I met with a +carriage, which proved to be a hackney coach returning to town with +two passengers. I ordered the coachman to stop, and he immediately +supposed I was a highwayman: but, being undeceived, he refused to go +out of his way for the purpose I required. + +The persons within, hearing a kind of squabble, and understanding when +they listened the nature of it, spoke to me; and enquired into the +particulars. By good luck, they happened to feel properly, and joined +me against the coachman; who, though unwillingly, was obliged to +submit; and, when he came to the point where the roads join, to turn +back and receive the wounded man into the carriage. The passengers +alighted, I ordered my man to take the horse of the stranger in +charge, and we proceeded slowly to the first inn. + +Here I immediately enquired for surgical and medical assistance; +and, as the people of these villages are many of them opulent, good +practitioners were presently procured. + +While the messengers were dispatched, I had leisure to examine the +stranger; whose appearance, figure, and countenance, were altogether +extremely interesting. His hair was abundant, but milk white, his +features were serene, and his form in despite of age was still manly. +The benevolence of his countenance was heightened by the blood with +which his locks were in part clotted, and that had streamed over his +face upon his clothes and linen. + +The medical gentlemen arrived nearly at the same time, the stranger +was examined, the pulsation of the heart was perceptible, and, though +the contusions on the head and the temple were violent, and he had +been shot in the shoulder, so that the ball had passed through behind, +they were of opinion, as there was no fracture of the skull, that +the wounds were not mortal. The appearance of the stranger, and the +condition in which I found him, had made a lively impression upon +me. I was fearful of leaving him, in an unknown place, amidst the +casualties and hurry of an inn, to the care of waiters, and the +neglect of persons who had scarcely leisure to be humane. I therefore +determined to send my servant to town, and stay with him that night. I +had an appointment and other business in the morning; but I could be +at London in less than an hour: that was therefore no obstacle. + +Hoping to have discovered his place of abode, I desired his pockets to +be searched before the people present: but they were entirely emptied; +and contained no paper, or memorandum, that could afford information. + +After some time, by the aid which was procured, his pulse began to +quicken, and his lungs to do their office; and, that nothing might +be omitted, I prevailed on the physician to remain with me at his +bed-side, and attend to every symptom, above half the night. With this +he the more willingly complied because he was apprehensive of fever, +when the circulation should recover all its elasticity. + +In the morning, though very unwillingly, I was obliged to forsake my +charge: but not till I had left money with the physician, who made +himself accountable to the innkeeper for all expences. Being a humane +person, I believe he would have done this without my interference. But +in addition to that every mark about the stranger, his look, his dress +and the horse on which he was mounted, denoted him to be a gentleman; +and when I left him, though the physician thought it was probable he +might not recover the use of his understanding and the power of speech +for a day or two, he yet was persuaded that he would not die. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +_An incident in the park, or the danger of unruly dogs and horses: The +fortitude and affection of Olivia: A visit to the wounded stranger_ + + +Knowing the habits of Sir Barnard to be precise, and pettish, so that +if I counteracted the arrangement he had made it would put him into a +disagreeable temper, I resolved, as we were to depart early the next +morning, to return as soon as possible to the stranger. About two in +the afternoon, I was riding through the park for this purpose: and +here another incident occurred; which, though it excited extreme +terror, it afterward afforded uncommon delight. + +A few days before, I had witnessed a lady on a run-away horse, who +was seized with fright, dropped from the saddle, and bruised herself +exceedingly. She would have been in no danger, if she had behaved but +with the ordinary resolution of a man; and the accident led me to +reflect on the ill education to which women are subjected. They seem +to be esteemed by men in proportion as they are helpless, timid, and +dependent. It is supposed they cannot be affectionate unless their +leading feature be imbecility. + +Just as I had crossed the bridge over the Serpentine river, two ladies +and a gentleman with their grooms, all on horseback, were turning +round; and went off in a hand gallop toward Kensington gardens. I was +riding fast, at no great distance; and perceived it to be Olivia, her +aunt, and some person whom I did not know. Olivia was mounted on a +fine blood horse; and a large dog rushed by him in pursuit of me, +being tempted by my fast galloping. + +The horse of Olivia had previously been put upon his mettle. I saw the +danger, and instantly pulled up: but he began to plunge, and kick, in +a manner that would have unhorsed most men. The dog then turned from +me, and attacked the animal that was highest in motion; and the horse +immediately set off full speed. The foolish servant, being frightened, +began to gallop after her. I was obliged to do the same, and stop him: +for the clattering of feet behind did but increase the fury of the +runaway horse. + +Terrified however as I was, when I first noticed the vicious +propensities of the horse, the courage of Olivia was such, her seat +was so firm, and she kept so steady a hold of the strong curb rein, +that I felt a confidence she would overpower the horse; if the fear +and folly of some other person should do no mischief. I therefore +followed at a proper distance; and, when I saw several horsemen who +attempted to cross her, I shouted and waved my hat for them to keep +off. + +My hopes were justified. She avoided every danger, by her management +and presence of mind; and, by her use of the curb and the aid of the +wall at the end of the ride, arrested the course of the intemperate +animal. + +Having kept the grooms back, I was the first that came up with her; +and, leaping from my saddle, I seized the reins and held them till the +servant arrived. I then enjoyed one more rapturous moment, such as I +had indeed but little foreseen: I received her in my arms. + +Not a minute before, how firm and collected had her mind and actions +been: but no sooner did she feel my embrace than her frame was +suffused. A thousand ideas, that had no relation to the danger which +her own fortitude had escaped, immediately rushed upon her; she sunk +upon my shoulder, and burst into a flood of tears. They were the heart +casings of ten thousand of the foregone anxieties of love. + +How could I have hated the broad day, and the prying eyes that were +upon us! How welcome would the fogs and darkness of Cranford-bridge +have been! My adventurous spirit would then have surely imprinted the +first kiss of love! as chaste as it would have been ecstatic. + +This bliss, alas, was not to be. The crowd approached. I pressed her +hand, and, as an assurance of fidelity, she gently returned the token +of kindness. Such mute signs being all that were permitted. + +Perceiving I must leave her, I again requested she would not mount the +unruly horse; and she replied, with a heavenly smile, 'Have no fear +for me. I will be careful of myself;' to which she added in a low +whisper: 'for my preserver's sake!' + +Oh moments of unutterable bliss! Who can estimate your worth? One +of you will outweigh a life, such as the dull round of common place +nothings can yield. + +Did not my eyes thank her? Did not the strong workings of my colour +and countenance inform her of what was passing within? Oh yes! And +in the same language she involuntarily replied. He who shall suppose +there was one emotion which celestial purity might not approve cannot +comprehend Olivia. They were emanations such as those only who have +souls, as well as bodies, are acquainted with. + +The tide of ecstacy must turn. The aunt came up, I bowed, she +returned my salute in a manner that shewed her mind was affected by +contradictory emotions, and I mounted my horse and guided his head +toward the Park gate; through which I passed; feeling, at the moment, +that I was passing the gate of paradise. + +I had not however left all my heaven behind me. No: I bore with me +ample stores for delicious revery. The fortitude of Olivia, the firm +and easy grace with which she kept her seat, her admirable management +and quick presence of mind, her unabating courage at one moment, and +her melting tenderness at the next, were not the food but the feast of +love. + +In this revelry of the imagination I indulged, till I arrived at the +inn; where I found the physician, agreeable to appointment; and was +informed by him that the stranger still continued insensible: but that +the symptoms appeared to be rather more than less favourable. + +I remained with the patient during some hours, till the necessary +preparation for my journey obliged me to depart. I then left a +sufficient sum with the physician; and, after most earnestly +recommending the stranger to his care, reluctantly returned to town. + +Though I had obtained a promise, from the physician, that the patient +should be removed to his own home, as soon as it should be discovered, +or to the house of the physician, whenever it might be done without +danger, I yet could not help questioning whether to leave him to the +mercy of persons, with whom I was unacquainted, that I might take +a journey to visit the free and independent electors of an English +borough, were faithfully to fulfill the duties of humanity. Add to +which the venerable and benevolent appearance of the stranger was +so uncommonly interesting that it made a strong impression upon my +imagination. + +But it was necessary to decide, and I acted as mortals are obliged to +do on such occasions: not knowing what was best, I adopted that which +appeared to be the most urgent. + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +_The journey to the borough of the Baronet: Independent electors, and +their motives satisfactorily explained: Evil communication corrupts +good manners: Electors eager to make hay while the sun shines, and +being once bought wish again to be bribed_ + + +The following morning at the hour appointed, Sir Barnard and I set +off for the borough of ****: at which we arrived without delay or +accident. + +The number of voters was little more than thirty; and the first +business, after our arrival, was to invite them to a dinner. It has +long been remarked that men in a body will be guilty of actions +of which individually they would each be ashamed. In an assembly, +however, the purpose of which is conscious iniquity, few, who have not +witnessed such scenes, will be aware of the efforts that each man will +make to argue himself into a belief of his own upright intentions: or +of the eager assent with which his endeavours will be seconded by his +associates. + +In the present instance, for example, what were the motives of +the worthy electors? Sir Barnard explained them, to the perfect +satisfaction of all parties. + +But what were they? The love of the constitution: the honest struggles +that honest men were making to displace a corrupt minister: their very +eager and laudable attempts to free an oppressed and ruined country, +relieve it of its taxes, recover its trade, and revive the glory of +old England: to effect these great and good purposes was the whole and +sole end at which they aimed. Were all the electors through all the +boroughs, cities, and counties of Great Britain but as virtuous as +those of the borough of ****, it would indeed be a happy land. + +Yet, strange to say, what different masks does self-assuming virtue +wear! State the per contra. Imagine only how many free and independent +electors were at this period exulting, in a similar manner, at +the purity of their own conduct; while giving their votes for the +support of government, the maintenance of order, and to preserve the +immaculate statesman, the saviour of the nation, the great financier, +the first of orators, the admiration of Europe, and the wonder of the +world, in power! + +Who will deny that a general election is the season when all the +disinterested virtues, all the pure patriotism, all the most generous +and best qualities of the soul are called into action? How are the +morals of the people improved! To what a height of grandeur does human +nature rise; and how captivating is the point of view in which it is +seen! Æra of incomprehensible excellence! + +Can it be supposed that I, who was to be the representative of such +free and noble souls, through whose lips their patriotic spirits were +to breathe, I, in whom one five-hundredth part of the virtue of the +whole island was to be compressed, and bottled up ready for use, being +as I was in company with sages whose office it was to choose one still +more sage than themselves, thus circumstanced, was it possible that +I should not imbibe some portion of their sublime wisdom? Had I no +sympathy? Were all my affections and passions and patriotism extinct? + +Oh no! Mocking, says the proverb, is catching: and, however in my +sober moments, among sober people, reasoning on objects at a distance, +I might systematise and legislate for the conduct of myself and +others, being an actor in the scene, whether its atmosphere were +healthy or contagious, I never yet found that I could wholly escape +imbibing a part of the effluvia. I gave toasts, made speeches, +sung songs, ay and wrote them too, and became so incorporated with +my constituents, lovers as they were of liberty, that, the cut of +our cloaths and countenances excepted, I might in this moment of +overflowing sapience have been taken for one of themselves. + +I was little aware, however, when I consented to make this journey, +of its consequences. Disinterested as these worthy voters were, +and purchased by wholesale as they had been when the family of the +Brays bought the borough, they yet had wives and daughters; who wore +watches, and rings, and gowns; and who would each of them think +themselves so flattered, by a genteel present from me, that there was +no describing the pleasure it would give them! Every _particular_ +about me told them I was very much of a gentleman. + +Beside which, one lady had a great affection for a few pounds of the +best green tea, bought in London. Another discovered that the loaf +sugar in the country was abominable. A third could not but think that +a few jars of India pickles, and preserved ginger, would be a very +pretty present. It would always remind her of the giver. A fourth +could not but say she _did_ long for a complete suit of lace; cap, +handkerchief, and ruffles: and so on through the whole list. + +The men too were troubled with their longings. With one it was London +porter: with another it was Cheshire cheese and bottled beer. They +would both drink to the donor. Their neighbour longed very vehemently +indeed for the horse I rode: and, finding that the animal was too +great a favourite to be parted with, he compounded for twelve dozen of +old port. + +When these hints, which looked very like demands, were first given me, +I applied to Sir Barnard; doubting much whether any of them ought +to be complied with: but he let me understand that such things were +politic, and customary; and that a seat in parliament, even when +bestowed, was not to be had free of expence. + +What could be done? To have required him to pay these disbursements +would have had so much the appearance of meanness, that it was what +I could not propose. To request a loan in advance of Mr. Evelyn was +sufficiently grating to the feelings: but he had a liberal spirit, it +was the least painful of the two, and I had no other resource. Fortune +was whetting the darts she soon intended to hurl. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +_News from Mowbray petitioning for aid: The period o; universal +uproar arrives, and the Baronet pursues his patriotic purposes: A few +sketches of a county contest at a general election: Hector loving in +his liquor: Qualms of conscience, which are thought very unseasonable +and very ridiculous: The incomprehensible defection of Sir Barnard, +and the suspicion that lights on me_ + + +While we were spending our time in this 'pleasant manner, and +advantageously to the Baronet's interest,' we received intelligence of +our quondam friends, the Earl and young Mowbray; who were canvassing +the county, in which they had vowed opposition to each other, with +indefatigable zeal: so that a ruinous contest, probably to both +parties, was predicted. + +In this county Sir Barnard himself had some interest: for he had some +lands there: and Hector prevailed on a common friend to write in a +very urgent style to the Baronet, requesting his aid. How could so +great a lover of his country as Sir Barnard, indignant too as he felt +himself at the apostacy of the Earl, refuse a request by which his own +patriotic purposes might be forwarded? + +At length parliament was dissolved; and the whole kingdom was +immediately in a tumult. Driving, rioting, and uproar began. God help +the poor post-horses, hostlers, and chambermaids! + +The writ for the Baronet's borough was made out, his agents were +ready, and, as there could be no opposition, our business was soon +over. It was high time: for my pocket was tolerably drained. And as +the worthy electors very industriously compared notes, when any one of +them discovered that the present made to his neighbour was of greater +value than the _compliment_ which he had received, I had immediate +intimation of my own injustice: which it was expected I should +correct. + +This serious business settled, and these accounts closed, the Baronet +now had leisure to think of his friends; and he turned his thoughts +to the annoying of Lord Idford. He had purchased me as well as his +borough: for he had made me his own member, and meant to profit by me +in all possible ways. He had discovered my electioneering talents. I +was very engaging among the women: a matter of no small moment in such +affairs: and 'though I was rather shy of my glass, yet I could sing +an excellent song, which I could likewise make, quite suitable to the +occasion.' He therefore proposed that we should both journey into my +native county, and there exercise all our wit and ingenuity, to aid in +bringing in my old school-fellow, Hector. + +It cannot be supposed that, in an affair where the family and the +brother of Olivia were so seriously implicated, I could be totally +unconcerned. With respect to the question of who was the most +virtuous, or the most wise, who the greatest orator, the best patriot, +or the properest person to take a seat among the grand national +council of sages, the Earl or the 'Squire, that was not easily +determined. It was a point therefore that did not disquiet my +conscience. My compliance was consequently given with a hearty good +will; and we both prepared for the holy work. + +How it happened that the vice which inevitably attaches itself to such +conduct, self-evident, gross, and glaring as it is, fatal to private +morals and public virtue, odious in its practice and hellish in its +consequences, how the baneful complexion of this monster vice should +at first so totally escape me is more than I can declare. Hurry of +thought, confusion of intellect, and eagerness of passion are the only +probable conjectures I can make. My mind was so intent on the manner +in which I could best prove my respect for Olivia, and all that +related to her, that this appears to have been a gulph vast enough for +all recollection, sense, and idea! + +A post-chaise and four soon brought us to the field of battle; and +then I own my blood began to circulate, and my feelings to awaken. +Still it was but gradually that my spirits mounted to the proper tone. + +Before we entered the place where the election was to be held, we +heard the jangling of bells and the shouts of men. The postillions +spared neither whip nor spur; and, as we galloped furiously along the +streets, the people came swarming out: the women and children saluting +us with their shrill trebles; and, it being dark, the men crowding to +follow with torches and more sonorous hubbub. Every inn was a scene +of confusion. When we drove up to that which was the head-quarters of +Hector, his partisans immediately flocked round us, and, a courier +having previously announced our arrival, saluted Sir Barnard with +all the force of lungs they could heave: elated in proportion to the +uproar they made. + +The 'Squire and his friends, vociferous though they were, and heated +with anticipated triumphs, wine and wassail, heard the glorious din, +learned its cause, and came reeling forth to embrace their puissant +ally. Quitting as they did the fumes of buttocks and sirloins, gammons +and hams, turkies and geese, wines, brandies, beers and tobacco, they +all came reeking; each involved in his own atmosphere. + +Their joy was boisterous, and not to be repulsed. Hector was as drunk +as the animal that brought the royal David his sucking pigs; and as +loving as the monster in the Tempest. He could not indeed curse so +poetically: but what he wanted in variety he supplied by repetition; +and his oaths and his raptures were countless. + +He bestowed a part of them upon me; for, not only did feasting make +him fond, but, he had just memory enough left to recollect that I was +now become an M.P. and he was not quite sure whether, till he had +gained his election, I might not at present be almost as great a man +as himself. I was moreover his electioneering friend: which virtue +would, for a fortnight to come, be inestimable. + +I had been disgusted with the eating and drinking required at the +ready-bought borough of ****: but that was abstinence itself, compared +to the scene in which I had consented to become an actor. Away the +Baronet and I were dragged, by the most jovial crew: Hector our +leader, and seating himself in state at our head. + +'Clean glasses!' bellowed the hero; and, seizing his own, smashed it +against the wall: commanding us to follow his noble example. Midway +drunkenness disdains to think: all arms were raised, and destruction +was impending. Fortunately, there were two sober men in company; and, +seeing what had happened, we both loudly called--'Forbear!' 'You +have cut one of the waiters,' added I; addressing myself to Hector, +and pointing to a man whose face was smeared with blood. 'Damn him!' +retorted the brave Hector. 'Put him down in the bill.' The mighty man +was pleased at his own second-hand wit; and, as an old joke is the +soonest understood, they all joined in the laugh. + +Eager to make the new comers welcome, that is as drunk as himself, +Hector insisted that the Baronet and I should drink three bumpers +each; and, as the fatigue of travelling had rendered this no difficult +task, we complied. + +He then swore we would _set to_ for the night; but I perceived that +his night would not be a long one. Toasts were called for, however, +and liquor was swallowed, till its vapours half deprived the redoubted +Hector of the faculty of speech. At this period, he began to mutter +nonsense, on a subject on which I should have been better pleased with +his silence than his praise. He made the lovely Olivia his theme; +and in the fulness, not of his heart, but, of his stomach, told me +how dearly she loved me--'Yes, my boy, she does, by G----! And she's +right! Damn me, she's right! I say it; by G----, my boy, she's right! +You are my friend!--You are my friend, and she's right. And as for +Lord kiss ---- damn me, he's a sneaking scoundrel! I say it, a +sneaking ----! So she's right! Damn me, she's right!' + +He continued to repeat his oaths, and 'She's right,' till, entirely +overpowered, he sunk; and would have dropped from his chair, if the +waiter whom he had cut with the glass had not caught him. Some of the +guests had withdrawn, some were sleeping, and some were senseless: +but the few who could open their eyes, and see to such a distance, +triumphed in the defeat of their leader: which they considered as +victory to themselves. + +Riot now paused per force. The Baronet pleaded fatigue, and retired. +I followed his example, and once more found myself alone; left to +ruminate on the methods which men take to make each other happy; on +their different modes of happiness, in their different stations: and +on waiters who, being maimed or killed, are to be charged in the bill. + +Though these thoughts were not of the most delightful kind, they did +not prevent me from sleeping. The new day brought new cares; and +presented projects, in which I was required to take my part, that led +me to very serious meditations indeed. The poll was to begin that day +week; and Hector and his friends, roused from the torpor of overloaded +revelry by the importance of the business, assembled to consider how +they should best collect and marshal the voters of whom they supposed +themselves to be certain, and cajole and bring over such as they +imagined might be gained. + +Of this labour each man was to take his allotted share; and direct +bribery was openly proposed as the general medium by which the great +end in question was to be promoted. + +This was what I had not foreseen. I was not only young but, as I have +before remarked, I had thought but little on the affair: except as +it continually presented the image of Olivia to my mind. I now found +myself most painfully situated. I had discovered principles of human +conduct in which I had gloried. I had asserted them unsparingly; and +had promised myself that from them I would never depart. In doubtful +cases, I might decide and act erroneously: but, when the way was +clear, my conduct should be the same. + +These principles I was required to abandon; and the shock was severe. +The transactions which had lately passed in the Baronet's borough +increased the difficulty. In what light could the presents that I had +made be considered? In what were they different from and how much +better than bribes? To these I had submitted when my own interest was +in question. Again: for what purpose had I consented to accompany Sir +Barnard, if not to exert myself in favour of his friend? And not only +his friend but the brother of Olivia; though this was a silent grief, +known only to myself. However I stated my scruples: which, as soon as +they were heard, were the subject of laughter. I repeated them in a +still more serious tone, and was reminded of the facts, and motives +which I have just been mentioning. + +The struggle was violent. The arguments I had to urge were something +like insults, on every body present that heard me; and I was answered +sometimes with ridicule, at others with anger, and not unfrequently +with something very like contempt. + +The Baronet in particular augured very unfavourably, concerning the +subserviency which he expected from me; and once or twice spoke in a +very dictatorial tone: but, finding himself answered with no little +indignation, he had no remedy but to chew the cud in silence. + +Assailed on all sides, as it happened I had the good sense, in despite +of every mockery and insinuation, to remain firm; and the only part I +could be prevailed upon to take determinately was that of aiding in +a fair and open canvas, leaving those who were less conscientious to +distribute bribes. As it was imagined however that I possessed some +abilities, my services were accepted on my own conditions. + +Meanwhile the waste that was committed, the bribes that were paid, and +the money that was squandered in every way, as well in London, where +voters were eagerly purchased and sent down by coach loads, as in +distant parts of the county and kingdom, convinced me that the sums +which this election would cost must be enormous. I even thought it my +duty to take an opportunity, in one of Hector's half sober moments, +to remonstrate with all the arguments and energy I could collect; and +endeavoured to persuade him to decline the poll. But my efforts were +useless. He was equally vain of his wealth and his influence. His +purse perhaps was as deep as that of the proud peer; his friends as +numerous; and he would carry his election though he were to mortgage +every foot of land he possessed. + +Finding him resolved, I became anxious in his behalf, strained every +nerve, rode in all directions night and day, and so effectually +exerted myself in enquiring who were the independent men likely to be +influenced by honest motives, that I procured him above fifty votes. + +With respect to himself, the continual drinking, vociferating, and +riot of the scene had made him so hoarse that, previous to the day of +election, his husky whispers were not audible. + +The evening before the poll opened, an incident occurred for which, +at that time, I knew not how to account. It was no less amazing than +incomprehensible. I had returned very much fatigued, after hard +riding, and found a message had been left for me by Sir Barnard; who +desired to speak with me immediately. + +I obeyed the summons, and found him alone. He opened the conversation +in a strange blustering tone: complaining of having been neglected, +or insulted; he did not seem to know which; and, to my astonishment, +declared his satisfaction at the scruples which I had professed. He +knew not what to say to such corrupt proceedings. Perhaps an honest +man ought to have no concern in them; and, for his own part, he +certainly should trouble himself no farther on the present occasion. +He had met with but little thanks for what he had already done; and he +had come to a resolution not to bring up his voters. + +Acquainted with the corrupt arts by which the promises of these +voters, generally speaking, had been gained, I knew not what to reply: +though I felt no little chagrin. With the aid of Sir Barnard, it was +supposed that Mowbray's election would certainly have been carried: +but without that aid I was persuaded it would as certainly be lost. + +This opinion I forcibly repeated: adding that, though elections like +these were destructive beyond description to the general happiness, +and though I could not defend having taken any part whatever in one of +them, yet the mischief in the present instance had already been done. +If Sir Barnard had received any insult, or even suffered any neglect, +I intreated that he would permit me to be the mediator, and state his +griefs: being persuaded, from all I had seen, that nothing injurious +to his person or his interest had been intended. + +His answers were evasive. He acted as men frequently do, who have some +secret purpose which they dare not avow: he affected that waspish +irritation of temper to which he was subject on many occasions; but on +none so frequently as when he suspected himself to be wrong. + +While we were in the heat of this discourse, a chaise and four drove +up to the door. It was for the Baronet. His trunk and mine were both +prepared, by his orders. The men were buckling the former behind the +carriage; and he requested me to accompany him to town. + +I was thunderstruck! I could neither account for such sullen +intemperance nor the secrecy of this haste. I again urgently intreated +I might acquaint Mr. Mowbray, and his committee: but he peremptorily +refused, and repeated his desire that I would accompany him +immediately. No arguments, no prayers, could move him: so that, at +last, I hastily left the room, in search of Hector and his friends. + +He guessed my intention, and as soon as I was gone stepped into the +chaise and ordered the boys to drive away full speed: leaving me +behind to act as I should think proper; but with a message that, if I +wished to oblige him, I must mount my horse and ride after him with +all expedition. I might overtake him at the next inn; and our servants +and horses would then follow at leisure. + +It was some time before I could find Mowbray, or any of his party. +They were at another inn, promoting the good cause; and, when I +informed them of the intentions of Sir Barnard, they scarcely could +believe me: but, when they heard the chaise was at the door, they +hurried with me; full of anxiety and dismay. We were too late. Sir +Barnard was gone: long out of hearing, and out of sight. + +The consternation was extreme. Stupefied as his faculties were, for a +moment Hector was roused. Conjectures were formed, but none presented +themselves that could account for such extraordinary conduct. No one +knew of any offence that had been given the Baronet. It was remarked +indeed, on recollection, that the last day or two he had not testified +the same alacrity and zeal: but no man could guess his motive. + +At length the indignation of Hector took vent in a volley of curses, +which were plentifully and emphatically bestowed. And so keenly was +the stroke felt, that he put a very unusual quantity, small though +it was, of variety in his oaths. Not only the body and blood of Sir +Barnard, but his liver, eyes, and heart, were consigned over to Satan. + +Even I, though I had procured votes distinct from the interest of +the Baronet, and had refused to follow him to town, in which refusal +I persisted, still I did not escape suspicion. No direct allegation +was made: but the questions that were put to me were sufficiently +expressive of doubt. + +The irritated mind is apt at error; and I disdained to make a personal +application of the guilt by which I knew myself uncontaminated. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +_The opening of the poll: My first essay at public oratory: The +general feelings of men in favour of virtue, though contradicted by +their practice: The hateful spectacle of a corrupt election, and more +cause of complaint against the Baronet: A false accusation resented_ + + +Passion dispels passion, and care combats care. Sir Barnard was gone, +diligence was the more necessary, and preparations for the approaching +day would not admit of neglect. It may well be said that circumstances +and situation make the man. Hector, who had no habitual capacity for +business or intellect for order, was inspired by the occasion with a +degree of talent of which at other times he was incapable. The fatigue +he underwent was excessive; and, impossible as it was that he should +create any strong sympathy, I still felt some interest in his behalf; +and some alarm at the fixed hoarseness by which his lungs were +threatened, and the alteration which incessant drinking and unusual +efforts had produced in his appearance. + +The night was passed with more than ordinary tumult. It was late +before the riotous guests departed; and our rest was short. The day of +beginning contest soon broke upon us, the word of command was given +to muster, and all was in action. The friends of the opposing parties +collected, each round their respective leaders: favours for the hat +and bosom were lavishly distributed: the flags were flying: a band +of music preceded each of the processions: and, when the parties +approached the hustings, each band continued to play its own favourite +air with increasing violence: as if war were to be declared by the +most jarring discord, and harmony driven from the haunts of men. + +The grating sounds were increased by balladsingers, marrow-bones and +cleavers, and the vociferous throats of men who seemed to imagine +that, if they were but sufficiently noisy, they could not fail of +being victorious. + +The scaffolding was mounted, the candidates appeared, and mouths, +ears, and eyes were open; for the reception of all the wisdom and +patriotism, with all the _comicality_ and _fun_, which the orators +were expected to bestow. A mob delights in being harangued; and is +thrown into raptures by every kind of mountebank. + +Jealous perhaps of his own honor, the god of eloquence decreed that +neither the wit nor the wisdom of Hector should that day be heard. He +was too hoarse for any effort to make him audible: but, as stirring +and ambitious spirits on such occasions are always abroad, tongues +were not wanting to trumpet forth his high deserts. + +The candidates for oratorical fame were several, I was of the number: +and, as the gloss of my newly acquired dignity dazzled other eyes as +well as my own, I was permitted to take the lead. It was my first +essay; and I felt a momentary alarm: but, full of youthful spirits and +high in blood, I dashed forward; and uttered what first occurred. + +My voice was powerful, my nonsense was applauded, my fears vanished, +and I became more collected. The real grievances of mankind, under +the best government that ever yet existed, have at all times been so +numerous that an orator, who makes them his theme, is never in want of +facts and arguments. + +Could I then feel this deficiency at an epocha like the one in +question: when means so despotic were daily adopted to curb the +growing spirit of enquiry that despot ministers might pursue measures +so tragical; so subversive of the order which they pretended to +maintain, and so destructive to the happiness they were appointed to +guard? Alas! the topics were so numerous, so melancholy, so almost +maddening, that the man who would paint them truly must temper and +rein-in his feelings with an iron arm: otherwise, imagination will so +hurry him away that, while describing evils past, evils present, and +evils impending, there is danger of his being deemed an incendiary. + +I spoke ill. When I remembered what I had said, and what I might and +ought to have said, I was indignant at my own want of recollection. +The applause that I received nevertheless was prodigious: the +acclamations of the mob were even awful. They displayed a feeling of +justice so acute, so prompt, and so powerful, that I was borne out of +myself; and imagined for a moment, not merely that the day of reform +was at hand, but that it was come. + +Men are rendered selfish, and corrupt, by the baneful influence of the +systems under which they live: but it is well worthy the attention of +those who believe mankind to be generally capable of great happiness, +and who are desirous to promote it, that, however the wants of the +wretched may tempt them to accept the immediate relief that is within +their reach, they never collectively fail to bestow the most unbounded +applause, on those principles by which their own proceedings are +condemned. They are not in love with baseness: it is forced upon them. + +The reader is doubtless aware that Hector and his friends assumed to +themselves the merit of what is called the independent interest; and +that his opponent was supported by the whole influence of the court +party. The numerous groans and hisses, and the few plaudits, bestowed +upon the orators of this party, were additional proofs of what is the +general sense of mankind; and that on the subject of corrupt influence +at least they judge rightly. In this general sense I own that my +soul triumphed: and the pangs which I felt, after the poll began, to +perceive that, whatever men might think, they could forget their duty +and vote only as their interest directed, were undescribable. + +However, the party of Hector was strong. The struggle was violent. +Every scandalous art of election was resorted to, by both sides. A +spirit of rancour daily and hourly increased. The opponents came to +frequent blows. Beastly drunkenness, bloated insolence, and profligacy +of principle, met the eye on every side; and I almost hated myself, +not only for being present at and participating in it, but, to +find that I belonged to a race of animals capable of such foul and +detestable vice. + +From this distress I was relieved by an event which in itself was +very far from satisfactory. The poll had proceeded for some days +with tolerable equality; and Hector had rather the advantage: though +the voters in the interest of Sir Barnard had not given him their +assistance; to which they had frequently been urged. At length, they +appeared. And how great was the surprise and indignation of our whole +party, to see them marshalled on the opposite side, with the favours +of the Idford candidate in their hats, and uniformly come up and poll +against us! + +On the same day, twelve of the votes which had been promised to me +were likewise brought over to the opposite interest; and ten more of +them refused to poll for either party. + +The coincidence of this desertion revived the suspicions of Hector and +his party, concerning me. This sudden turn of the poll against him +rendered his temper ungovernable; and, in the frenzy of passion, he +made no scruple of openly affirming that I was no less guilty than the +Baronet. + +It was not merely the consciousness of innocence that I felt. I had +been so indefatigable in every possible way, I had ridden and walked +and talked, I had been his defender, his eulogist, his orator, his +slave, and had as it were so fouled my conscience in his cause that +indignation closed my lips. I disdained reply, or self vindication; +and, casting a glance such as irresistible feeling dictated, left the +committee room in which the accusation was made without answering a +word. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +_The return to town: A visit to Sir Barnard: Admission denied: +Enquiries after the wounded stranger, who had disappeared: An +endeavour to guard against misrepresentation: The fears and feelings +of friends_ + + +My determination was taken, my servant was called, my horses ordered, +and I immediately departed for London. My thoughts were far from +being clear, or of a pleasant kind. The scene I had left was the most +odious that I had ever beheld. Hector I was convinced would lose his +election; and, what was more valuable, his health. I saw prognostics +which I thought could not be mistaken; and which afterward proved as +baleful as I then imagined them to be. Whether the contest might not +ruin the family was more than I knew; and what the effect might be on +Olivia, and even on our hoped for union, I could not foresee. + +The enigmatical conduct of Sir Barnard was no less perplexing. His +sudden desertion of Hector, and of the cause which he had so loudly +defended, were alarming. For what other interpretation could be put +upon the voters in the Baronet's interest, who not only refused to +poll according to their promise, but were all of them brought up in +support of the Idford candidate? Yet I was loth to conclude that an +event so fatal to all my hopes, as well to my private affections as to +my public duties, had taken place. + +My horses were excellent, and carried us seventy miles in less time +than it would have taken to go post. I intended to have ordered a +chaise for the remainder of the way: but a mail coach was to pass in +half an hour, and I waited. There happened to be a vacancy in which +I seated myself; and by these means I arrived in town early in the +morning. + +As soon as the day was far enough advanced, my first care was to visit +Sir Barnard; and I own I approached the street and the house with a +foreboding heart. What had happened could not be unintentional. It +was too decided, too abrupt, and had too many marks of unprincipled +treachery. I knocked, made my enquiries, and was informed the Baronet +was not at home. I asked for Lady Bray; and not at home was again the +answer. + +As this was what I apprehended, it excited but little surprise, though +much vexation. However I left my card; and departed more full of +meditation even than I came. Not at home I had no doubt signified that +my visits were no longer welcome. + +Still it was necessary I should know the truth; and, as I had been too +intimate with the family to be ignorant of the haunts of Sir Barnard, +I went to the Cocoa tree, a place to which he daily resorted, and +there lounged away between two and three hours over the papers; hoping +he would come. + +I was again disappointed. The Baronet did not make his appearance; and +I began to conjecture that perhaps the servant had told me truly: he +might be out early; on business, or I knew not what. + +As it was past his hour at the Cocoa tree, perhaps I should now find +him at home. I therefore went back; and again made my enquiries, and +again received the same dry laconic answer. It had an ill face: but I +had no immediate remedy. + +My next most pressing object of attention was the wounded stranger; +whom I had left under the care of the physician, and whom I +immediately determined to enquire after: not without some silent +reproaches to myself, for having so long been absent on schemes such +as those in which I had been concerned, to the neglect of perhaps a +more serious duty. For duty seemed to require that men should rather +abstain from elections, such as they are at present, than become +aiders and abettors of them. + +My horses not being arrived, and disliking the vehicle of a hackney +coach, I walked forward to the inn at which the stranger had been +left; musing much on the prospect before me, which was once more +beginning to be heavily overcast. + +Being come to my journey's end, I found the stranger had been removed +two days after I left him to London: but the people of the inn could +give me no farther intelligence, concerning him or the place of his +residence. + +I then asked them to direct me to the house of the physician: which +they did, but told me that he had left the kingdom. + +Determined however to make every possible enquiry, I went to the +house; where I found only a person who was left in charge of the +premises, and who knew nothing more than that the physician was gone +with a patient to Lisbon. + +These little incidents, trifling as they appeared, afforded me an +excellent proof of the absurdity of false modesty: which induces men, +from the egoistical fear of being thought vain, to conceal or disguise +the truth. The physician had bestowed high eulogiums on my humanity: +after which, he had hinted a desire, but with well-bred reserve, to +know who I was; and I, catching the apparent delicacy of his feelings +and thinking but very little on the subject, imagined there would be +ostentation in personally taking to myself his praises, by giving him +my name and place of abode. I therefore told him I would answer that +question when we became better acquainted; if he should then find he +had no reason to alter his good opinion of me. + +Thus do men by affecting not to be vain, indulge a kind of double +refined vanity; and lead themselves and others into error. + +Being disappointed in all my enquiries of this day, my next care was +to see Miss Wilmot. Surrounded as I was by persons who thought me +inimical to them, and therefore were probably my inveterate enemies, I +knew not what false reports might be spread; nor how to guard against +them in the public opinion. But I had one consolation. Olivia had +declared she was resolved to enquire, before she again gave the least +credit to calumny. It was therefore essentially necessary that I +should acquaint Miss Wilmot with all that had passed. + +It was now evening; and, when I came to her lodgings, I found her +brother and Turl both there. Though my absence had been short, the +meeting gave me no little pleasure. It would likewise save me the +trouble of a thrice told tale: for to friends like these my heart was +always open; and I had something like an abhorrence of concealment, +and secret transactions. I wished them to share in all my joys; and, +as to my griefs, they not only excited their sympathy but produced +remarks and counsel, by which they had often been cured. + +I told my story; and it may well be imagined my hearers were neither +inattentive nor unmoved. The selfishness and depravity into which +men are driven, and the vices of which being thus impelled they are +capable, exemplified as these vices were in my narration, drew heavy +sighs from the gentle and kind hearted Lydia, made her much oppressed +brother groan in spirit, and excited in Turl those comprehensive +powers that trace the history of facts through a long succession, and +teach, by miseries that are past, how miseries in future are to be +avoided. + +The general feeling however was that danger was hovering over me. The +indignation of Wilmot, at the treatment of men who most endeavoured to +deserve well of their age and country, was very strong. + +Neither was Turl less moved. His manner was placid, yet his feelings +were acute. But, though they might vibrate for a moment toward +discord, they touched the true harmony at last. He who has fixed +principles of action is soon called to a recollection of his duties, +and the manner in which he ought to act. + +Roused by his friendship for me, I should rather say by his affection, +he collected his faculties; and presented to the imagination so +sublime a picture of fortitude, and of the virtue of enduring injuries +and oppression with dignity, that he prepared my mind most admirably +for the trials that were to succeed. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +_A second and more successful attempt to obtain an interview with the +Baronet: An enigmatical dialogue: The meaning of which however may be +guessed_ + + +It was not only the wish of my heart but it was quite necessary for me +to see Mr. Evelyn. However, it was exceedingly desirable that I should +previously meet the Baronet: lest, in what I should say, my surmises +might be false; and I might produce a family disagreement between +persons who would both have conferred essential benefits on me, if the +supposed defection of Sir Barnard should not be true. I determined +therefore once more to go to the Cocoa tree and wait. + +As it happened, waiting was not necessary. The Baronet was there; and, +though there was something of coldness in his manner, it was by no +means what my fears had taught me to expect. Salutation having passed, +I requested to speak with him. We retired into a private room; and he +began by telling me he was glad to see me again in town; and no longer +continuing to support a person whom he no longer esteemed his friend. + +At hearing this remark, and the significance with which it was +delivered, my evil augury returned upon me in full force. I answered +that I had quitted Mr. Mowbray not because I had deserted his +interest, but because I had been unjustly accused. 'Accused of what, +Mr. Trevor?' + +'Of having been influenced by you to betray a party which I had +pretended to espouse.' + +'And were you not influenced by me, Mr. Trevor?' + +'I never can be influenced by any man, Sir Barnard, to commit an +action which my heart condemns.' + +'Do you mean, Mr. Trevor, that your heart condemns me?' + +'The question is very direct; and I am not desirous of wounding your +feelings, Sir Barnard: but I must not be guilty of falsehood. I +certainly wish you had acted otherwise.' + +'Then you pretend to set up for yourself, Mr. Trevor; and to have no +deference whatever for me, and my opinions.' + +'Personally, as a gentleman who meant to do me service, I wish to +preserve every respect for you, Sir Barnard. But I hope you do not +expect of me any deference that should, on any occasion whatever, +induce me to abandon either my public or my private duties.' 'Very +well, Mr. Trevor. Very well. I dare say you are so perfectly +acquainted with your duties that no man on earth, not even he who +had been your greatest friend, could induce you to alter any of your +notions.' + +'I should hope, Sir Barnard, that either friend or enemy might so +induce me: provided he had truth and reason on his side.' + +'Very well, Mr. Trevor. All that is very fine. I dare say you +understand your own interest, and will take your own road: even though +you might if you pleased travel more at your ease, and in better +company, by going another way.' + +'Will you be kind enough to explain yourself, Sir Barnard?' + +'No, Mr. Trevor. I shall give no explanations, till I am sure I am +talking to my friend: my fast friend, Mr. Trevor: that will think and +act with me. If you will give me your word and honor as a gentleman to +that, why then we will talk together.' + +'If by thinking and acting together, Sir Barnard, you mean that +you expect I should blindly and implicitly conform to any +tergiversation--I mean to any change--' + +'You need explain yourself no farther, Mr. Trevor. I very well +understand your meaning. My friend is my friend, Mr. Trevor; and he +is no other man's friend, Mr. Trevor. I could not but suppose you +understood all that perfectly at first; and I am very sorry to be so +much deceived. But it is my misfortune to be always deceived, and +entrapped; and--' + +'Entrapped, Sir Barnard! I hope you do not apply that word to me?' + +'Nay, nay, Mr. Trevor, I want no quarrelling.' + +'Nor do I, Sir Barnard. But, if you suppose me capable of taking any +advantage of what you may now think an ill-placed confidence in me, +you egregiously mistake both my intentions and my character.' + +'I hope I do, Mr. Trevor. You have a great fluency: but I hope I do.' + +I saw him preparing to go; and, being exceedingly anxious to have a +determinate answer, I added--'Let me intreat you, Sir Barnard, to give +me an explicit declaration of what you expect from me.' + +'You must excuse me, Mr. Trevor. I shall say no more, at present. You +say I mistake your intentions. I hope I do. Time will tell. When you +are my friend, I shall be very glad to see you; and so will Lady Bray. +Good morning to you, Mr. Trevor.' + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +_Reflections on the mutability of fortune, on money expended, and +on the duties of love and friendship: A strange incident, shewing +the propensity of man to superstitious terrors: A lamentable and +unexpected event_ + + +Well might I forebode the approach of evil: and, except that complaint +is of no avail, is waste of time, is unhappiness and therefore is +immoral, well might I complain of those sudden strokes of fate by +which, whenever my prospects began to be flattering, they were +suddenly obscured in darkness and despair. But, if I had not supposed +myself marked in an extraordinary manner as the child of fortune, to +whose smiles and frowns I seemed to be capriciously subjected, I know +not what should have induced me to have written my history; or rather +the history of my youth; for of what is yet reserved for me I am still +ignorant. + +Not that I pretend to consider the hypocrisy, selfishness and +profligacy of titled folly, and church pride, as things in themselves +extraordinary. It was the coincidence and the number and manner of +them, by which in the crisis of my fate I seemed to be so repeatedly +and so peculiarly affected, that occasioned surprise and pain. + +Yet what was all that I had hitherto felt from persons like these, +when I remember that which I was now immediately doomed to feel? The +perverted and the vicious it is true can excite emotion, and excite +it strongly. But how comparatively feeble does their utmost malice +seem, as far as it affects only ourselves, when brought in competition +with the thunder-bolt that strikes the virtuous; that shuts the +gate of hope; and that robs us of those unspeakable pleasures which +imagination has fondly stored, as a grand resource against evil, fall +when and how it may? + +Parting from the Baronet, expecting what was almost certain some +change of political sentiment, no matter how brought about, by which +my flattering expectations were at once to be rooted up, my thoughts +inevitably flowed into that train which was bitterness little +short of anguish. Mr. Evelyn was a man of such peculiar virtue and +disinterested benevolence, of a heart so generous and so little +capable of accusing me in consequence of the baseness of others, that +to have suspected him of such a mistake would have been the height of +injustice. But I could not forget the sums that he had advanced, in +all four hundred pounds, the more than probable failure of all the +plans for which they had been advanced, and the incapacity I had and +should have to repay these sums. + +Neither could I forbear to take a retrospective view of the manner in +which they had been expended. Could I approve of that manner? Could I +forget how short a time it was, though I had squandered my own money, +since I had forfeited no atom of my independence by accepting the +earnings of others? Suppose this parliamentary plan to fail, and fail +it must, for there were no hopes that I could honestly retain my seat, +to what other means could I resort? While I continued to indulge +in wild and extravagant schemes of enriching myself, by which I +did but impoverish others, ought I to require of Olivia to partake +of my folly, and its consequences? Had I nothing but the cup of +wretchedness to offer, and must I still urge her to drink? Was it not +my duty rather to tear myself at once away from her; and place some +insurmountable barrier between us, that should relieve her from such +an ill-fated predilection? + +Full of these thoughts, I proceeded toward the residence of Mr. +Evelyn. It was necessary that I should see him immediately: for +silence would have been the meanest deceit. I went with an afflicted +heart. But how did I return? Why do I say afflicted? No! Anguish, real +anguish, since I had known him, had not yet reached me. But it was +coming. It was rushing forward, like a torrent; to bear away inferior +cares and sorrows, and engulph them wholly. + +Unexpected events are sometimes peculiarly marked, by certain uncommon +incidental circumstances. As I was walking hastily forward, anxious to +meet Mr. Evelyn at home, I saw a coffin borne before me by four men at +some distance. Their pace was brisk. I had several streets to pass, +before I arrived at the house where Mr. Evelyn had apartments; and +still the coffin turned the way that I was to go. + +I overtook and went before it: but the gloomy object had excited my +attention, and I presently looked behind me. Still it took the same +route. I looked again, and again; and it was continually at my heels. + +It is strange how imagination will work, and how ideas will suggest +themselves. I wished it any where else; but it seemed to pursue me. + +At length I came to my journey's end; and, having knocked at the door, +looked round with a kind of infatuated fear. The coffin was following, +and I stood with an absurd and fanciful trepidation, waiting that +I might once see it fairly past the door. Yet I was no bigot, no +believer in omens, and was almost ashamed of an idea which the coffin +itself and the gloomy state of my mind had suggested: but which was in +reality superstitious. The servant came, and the door was opened: but +the coffin approached, and I would not stir till it should pass me. + +Pass it did. But where? Into the passage. + +I stood speechless. The men asked where it was to go? 'Into the first +floor,' was the answer. + +It was the apartment of Mr. Evelyn. + +Heavens! What was the pang that shot across my brain? I gasped for +utterance: but still was dumb. A dread so terrible had seized me that +there I stood; motionless and stupefied. + +The woman who opened the door and directed the men belonged to the +house; and, just as the bearers were proceeding with the coffin up +stairs, Matthew, the country servant, who had attended Mr. Evelyn in +the dissecting room the first night of our meeting, came in. + +The moment he saw me, the poor fellow burst into tears; and +exclaimed--'Oh sir!' + +His look and the tone of his voice were sufficient. There was but one +event that could have produced them, in such an extraordinary and +unfeigned degree of grief. My horrible fears were fulfilled. + +He paused a moment, sobbed, and again cried in a most piercing and +lamentable tone, 'My poor master!' + +I must draw the curtain over feelings that I cannot pretend to paint. +How long I stood, what I first said, or what my looks were, are things +of which I know nothing. I only recollect that my eyes were stone, and +had not a tear to shed. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +_A proof of the danger of not attending to trifles: A feeble attempt +to characterise a man of uncommon virtue: The dying anxieties of Mr. +Evelyn_ + + +The melancholy particulars of this strange tragedy were that, +three days before, Mr. Evelyn, being then in perfect health, had +been dissecting a limb in a high state of putrescence. During the +operation, the instrument had slipped, and made what he considered +only as a scratch of the skin; and so slight that he did not +immediately deem it worthy of notice: though, when he had ended, he +felt a tingling; and then thought it prudent to wash with vinegar, and +bind it up to keep out the air. + +He was so busily engaged, during the day, that he paid no more +attention to it; though he once or twice felt a throbbing that was +unusual. Being fatigued, and finding his spirits rather agitated, he +took a gentle opiate at going to rest: but was waked in the middle of +the night, by symptoms of a very alarming kind. The morbid humour that +was introduced into the system, small as it probably was in quantity, +was so active that Mr. Evelyn was seized with a violent inflammatory +fever: so that he was delirious when he woke, and died in less than +eight and forty hours after he received this slight wound. + +Such is the uncertain fate of man, in this state of ignorance. To such +sudden accidents of sickness and death are the good and the bad, the +foolish and the wise, continually subject; and such at present is the +frail tenure of life that the man in whose hall we feasted on Monday, +or the blooming beauty with whom we sung and danced, ere the week +passes away, are descended to the grave. + +What tribute can friendship or affection pay, to the memory of a +man like this? There is only one that is worthy of his virtues; and +that is to record them: that, he being gone, his example may inspire +the benevolence he practised; and teach others to communicate the +blessings he conferred. + +Oh that I had the power to pourtray those virtues in all their lustre! +Ages unborn would then rejoice, that such a man had lived; and feel +the benefits he would have bestowed. But it is a task that cannot be +accomplished in a few pages. His life was a vast volume of the best of +actions, which originated in the best of principles. Peace, love, and +reverence, be with his memory. + +For my own part, if, in addition to that uncommon public worth which +he possessed, and that noble scale of morality by which he regulated +his life, the personal kindness which he heaped on me be remembered, I +must have less of affection than savage brutality, did no portion of +his spirit inspire me while I speak of these events. + +Nor did his friendship end while understanding had the least remaining +power. His last act of benevolence was a strenuous but incoherent +effort to prevent the mischief which, disturbed as his functions were, +he still had recollection enough to apprehend would fall on me. + +The reader is informed of the mortgage I gave Mr. Evelyn, when I +received not merely a qualification but the possession of an estate; +and I imagine he will not think I was too scrupulously careful, to +guard and prove the honesty of my intentions, when I further tell him +that, for the sums of money which Mr. Evelyn advanced, I insisted on +giving my promissory notes for repayment. I was pertinacious, and +would accept such favours on no other terms. + +This mortgage and these notes were lying in the possession of Mr. +Evelyn, at the time of his death. He had apprehended no danger, till +the fever and the delirium seized him: at the beginning of which he +called his servant, Matthew (I tell the story as the poor fellow told +it to me), and, giving him a key, bade him go down to his bureau, and +search among his papers for a parchment and some notes, that were tied +together with red tape. + +Having uttered this, he began to talk in a wild and wandering manner; +of fetters, and prisons; and asked Matthew if he knew why such +places were built? 'So make haste, Matthew,' said he, 'and burn the +parchment, and burn the notes, and burn the bureau. After which, you +know, all will be safe, Matthew; and they can never harm Mr. Trevor. +You love Mr. Trevor, Matthew: do not you?' + +His recollection then seemed to return; and he asked, 'Of what have I +been talking? Go, Matthew; seek the parchment and the notes: tied with +red tape. Observe: there is no other parchment tied with red tape. +Bring them to me directly.' + +Matthew had taken the key; but just as he was going the Doctor, who +had been sent for, arrived. + +Matthew went, however, as he was directed; and, applying the key to +the lock, found it was a wrong one. + +The Doctor, alarmed for the state in which he saw Mr. Evelyn, +immediately wrote a prescription, and rang for the servant to run and +have it prepared at the shop of the next apothecary. Matthew answered +the bell; and Mr. Evelyn seeing him eagerly demanded--'Where is the +parchment? Have you brought me the parchment? Why do not you bring me +the parchment?' 'For,' said Matthew, 'I held out the key; and he saw I +had nothing else in my hands.' + +The Doctor asked Matthew what parchment his master wanted? And Matthew +replied, he could not tell: except that his master said it was in the +bureau, and tied with red tape. 'Why do not you bring it?' said Mr. +Evelyn. Then turning to the Doctor, added--'It is a bundle of misery; +and you know, sir, we ought to drive all misery from the face of the +earth. I cannot tell how it came in my possession. Why do you not go +and bring it me, Matthew? And pray, sir, do you see it destroyed. +Promise me that; I beg you will! Because Mr. Trevor is in the country. +I am afraid elections are but bad things. What, sir, is your opinion? +For I think I shall die; and he will then have no friend on earth to +secure him the poll.' + +'Seeing my poor master was so disturbed in his mind,' said Matthew, +'the doctor _bid_ me run as fast as I could for the stuff he had +ordered: which I did. But I was obliged to wait till it was made +up; and when I _come_ back my poor dear master was more distracting +light-headed than ever. But still he kept raving about the parchment; +and his cousin, Sir Barnard; and you, Mr. Trevor: all which the Doctor +said we must not heed, because he did not know what he said. Though, +for all that, I could not but mightily fear there was something hung +heavy on his mind: for, as long as ever he could be heard to speak, +he kept calling every now and then for the parchment. And after that, +when he lay heaving for breath and rattling in the throat and nobody +could tell a word that he said, he kept moving his lips just in the +same manner as when he could make himself heard. I do believe he was +calling for it almost as the breath left his body. And I cannot but +say that I wish I had found it, and brought it to him; for the ease +and quiet of his soul.' + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +_Doubts concerning the justice of wills and testaments: The provident +care of the Baronet: A demonstration of his ardent love for his +country: Hector loses his election: My determination to accept the +Chitern Hundreds_ + + +When a man discovers that the pathos of his story, and the virtues +which he has in contemplation, are entirely beyond the power of +language, what method can he take but that of leaving off abruptly: +that he may suffer the imagination to perform an office to which any +other effort is inadequate? As Mr. Evelyn lived so he died. To prevent +evil and to do unbounded good was his ruling passion. It never left +him, till life departed. + +It is a phenomenon which has frequently been remarked that, in a state +of delirium, the mind has its luminous moments: during which it seems +to have a more clear and comprehensive view of consequences than in +its more sober periods of health. The evil that excited so strong and +painful an alarm in the mind of my dying friend was no idle dream. The +Baronet was his heir at law. Mr. Evelyn had made no will: for not only +was his death premature but, knowing the mischiefs that have arisen +from disputes concerning testamentary bequests, he strongly doubted of +the morality of making any. It was never his intention to hoard; and, +hoping or I might rather say expecting to have a clear prospect of +the approach of death, his plan was to distribute all the personal +property in his possession before he died, in the manner that he +should suppose would be most useful. + +However, whether it were a just sense of rectitude or an improper +pride of heart, I own that I felt pleased, as far as myself was +concerned, that the intentions of Mr. Evelyn, when he called for the +parchment, were not executed. I did not indeed foresee all that was to +happen: but I felt an abhorrence of being liable to be suspected of I +know not what imputed arts, or crimes; by the aid of which malice or +selfishness might assert I had come into the possession of so large a +part of Mr. Evelyn's property. + +Not that, if the deeds and notes had been destroyed, I should have +thought it just to have retained the estate that I held. But my virtue +was not fated to be put to this trial. When I met Sir Barnard at the +Cocoa tree, he not only knew of the decease of Mr. Evelyn but had +ordered seals to be placed on all the locks; under which it was +imagined that papers or effects might be secured. Having heard the +story of Matthew, I could have no doubt but that the mortgage deeds, +and the notes for sums received, would now fall into the Baronet's +power. + +It is true I might, if I pleased, bid him defiance. No: I ought not +to have said, if I pleased; but, if I could condescend to acknowledge +myself a scoundrel. He had made me his own member, and had himself +impowered me to avoid the punishment which is assigned by law to +unfortunate debtors: for, under this best of governments, such as a +representative of the people was now my privilege. This immaculate +constitution, to which all the homage that man can pay is insufficient +worship, vaunted as it is and revered by all parties, or all parties +are broad day liars, for all and each strive to be most loud and +extravagant in praise of it, this constitution in its very essence +decrees that things which are vile and unjust, in one man, are right +and lawful, in another. + +Well then: by the aid of this constitution, which I too must praise if +I would escape whipping, I might seat myself as Sir Barnard's member, +and aid to countenance and make laws, to which I and the other wise +law-makers my coadjutors should not be subject. I might, however +offensive the term may be to certain delicate ears, I might become a +privileged swindler; and rob every man who should do me the injustice +to think me honest. + +It cannot be supposed that so dear a lover and so ardent an admirer of +the constitution, as Sir Barnard was, should once suspect that I would +not benefit myself by all its blessings: that is, that I would not +cheat him to the very best of my ability. This supposition had induced +him, during our conversation at the Cocoa tree, to struggle with and +keep down those indignant risings with which, notwithstanding the +modulated tone of his voice, I could see he was more than half +choaked. + +After what I had heard and situated as I was at present, I had very +little doubt either of the purity of his patriotism or the manner in +which it would affect me. Still however I had some. There might be a +change in his politics; but it might neither be of the nature nor of +the extent that I feared. + +But these doubts did not distress me long. They were entirely removed, +by that most authentic source of intelligence the Gazette; in which, +about a fortnight after the death of Mr. Evelyn, I read the following +unequivocal proof of the Baronet's inordinate love of his country. + +'The King has been pleased to grant the dignity of a Baron of the +kingdom of Great Britain to Sir Barnard Bray, Baronet; by the name +stile and title of Baron Bray, of Bray hall in the county of Somerset; +and to the heirs male of his body, lawfully begotten.' + +I was now no longer at a loss for the reason of the Baronet's late +sudden departure, and the desertion of his political friends at the +election. What are friends? What are elections? What is our country, +compared to the smiles of a prime minister; and the titles he can +bestow? Nothing now was wanting to the honor of the house of Bray! It +might in time I own pant after a Dukedom; and a Duke of Bray might as +justly be stiled princely and most puissant as many another Duke. But +at present it was full with satisfaction. + +This court document, brief though it was, spoke volumes. It was a +flash of lightning, that gave me a distinct view of the black and +dreadful abyss that was immediately before me; and into which I +foresaw I must be plunged. + +On the same day, I read that the Idford candidate had been returned +for the county of ****; and that consequently Hector had lost his +election. + +This was not all. Heated by the illiberal practices which always +attend such contentions, knowing the bribery that he had used himself, +and convinced that he could prove the same corrupt means to have been +resorted to by his opponent, he was not satisfied with the devastation +he had already committed upon his fortune; but was determined to +demand a _scrutiny_: and if he should be foiled in that effort, he was +resolved to try the merits of the election before a committee of the +house of commons. Such was the report that was immediately propagated; +and which was afterward verified by facts. + +With respect to myself, convinced as I was of its danger, I had made +my choice. My fixed purpose was to vacate my seat in parliament. It +might perhaps be questioned, since the pretended voters had in reality +no voice, and their imaginary representative was no more than a person +nominated by the new Lord Bray, whether I ought to resign an office +which, as I supposed, I should fill for the good of mankind; and +give place to some person who, obedient to his leader, would do the +reverse? + +But one act of baseness cannot authorize another. To bear about me a +sense of self-degradation, a certainty that I was sheltering myself +from the power of my late patron by a privilege which I considered as +highly vicious, a subterfuge such as every man who deserves the name +ought to despise and spurn at, this was insufferable. I had lost +much: for I had lost hopes that had been extravagant and unbounded in +promise: but I had not lost a conscious rectitude of heart, without +which existence was not to be endured. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +_The comedy of Wilmot successful: The wounded stranger seen at a +distance: Oratory abandoned with regret: The dangers that attend being +honest: A new invitation from Hector: A journey deferred by an arrest, +and another accidental sight of the stranger_ + + +It is happy for man that there is scarcely any state of suffering, +whether of mind or body, in which pain is unremitting; and wholly +unmixed with pleasure. If he be unhappy himself, it will be strange +should there be no one more fortunate for whom he has an affection: +no friend that is more prosperous, and in whose prosperity he takes +delight. + +The season of the year had arrived when the comedy of Wilmot had been +put into rehearsal, and was to be performed. It was a trying occasion; +and those who knew him loved him too well to be absent; though the few +intimate friends who had read the piece had no doubt of its success. +The partial failure of his tragedy had produced no jealousy of +rivalship: though, as its merits had been publicly acknowledged, it +had incurred no disgrace. In private life, he was beloved; and, as a +public man, his merits had not yet created him enemies. He has since, +indeed, in that respect, not been so fortunate. But he has never +thought it just to complain: being convinced that mistake, though it +should be rectified, should not be resented. + +The evening of representation arrived, the house was crowded, the +company brilliant, and the plaudits with which the author was honoured +established his reputation, and confirmed the judgment of his friends. + +During the performance, I sat in the boxes; and, among the spectators +in the pit, I discovered a man whose hair was white, whose locks were +venerable, and who I was well convinced was the stranger whom I had +found wounded at the entrance of Barnes common. I was in a side-box, +and he was near the opposite pit door; so that the distance made it +rather doubtful: yet the more I looked the more I was convinced it was +the same person. The comedy was nearly ended when I first saw him; and +I determined, as soon as I had heard the epilogue, to go and satisfy +myself how far my persuasion was true. + +I went round to the door; but the pit was so crowded that it was with +difficulty I could make my way to the seat. When I was there my labour +was lost: I could not find him; and, enquiring for him by description +of the persons near where he sat, they told me that such a gentleman +had been there; but that he complained of the heat, and had left the +house immediately after the curtain dropped. + +This incident gave me considerable chagrin. However, as his person +was very remarkable, and being persuaded he was actually the wounded +stranger, I conceived hopes that I should again meet him; in some +place where the danger of losing sight of him would not be so great. + +There being no expectation of his return, I went in search of my +friends: in company with whom, rejoicing in the success of Wilmot and +glorying in the acquisition of poetry and the stage, I wholly forgot +myself and my own affairs, and spent one more very delightful evening. + +These affairs however were not long to be forgotten. The returns of +the elections throughout Great Britain had all been made, and the new +parliament summoned to assemble. It was with infinite and deep regret +that I found myself excluded by my own sense of rectitude. I would +willingly have taken my seat, had it been only for one night: for I +was eagerly desirous of an opportunity to deliver my thoughts, and +urge some of those useful truths which may be uttered with more safety +there than in less privileged places. + +But I was too well acquainted with the customs and forms of the +house to hope that this opportunity could now be found. I had no +parliamentary friends; no supporters; and there was not the least +probability that a youth so wholly unknown _should catch the speaker's +eye_, whose notice so many were ready to solicit. + +These things having been duly weighed, I had already applied for the +chiltern hundreds and my seat was declared vacated: to the great joy +of Lord Bray; and his now bosom friend, the Earl of Idford. This joy +was the greater because it was an event of which they had not the +least expectation. The due forms of law had been observed, the seals +had been removed from the locks of my late inestimable friend, his +cousin the new peer was in possession of the mortgage and the notes +for money received, and he had no conception of any motives that could +induce me to an act which must leave me entirely at his mercy. + +It cannot however be supposed, as I have already said, that I had any +intention to retain the estate; which I had received from Mr. Evelyn +as a qualification, and a support. It was now the property of Lord +Bray; and obligation to him was a thing that would not admit of a +question. I did not therefore wait for any notice from his lordship, +or his attorney, but desired Mr. Hilary to inform him that I was ready +at any time to give up the deeds, and receive back the mortgage. + +This would have been a trifle. It was not a sacrifice; but a riddance: +by which, could it have ended here, I should have regained something +of that elasticity of heart which independence only can feel. Here, +however, it could not end. I was obliged to instruct Mr. Hilary to add +that I was willing to give my own personal security, by bond or in any +manner my creditor should please, for money received and interest due: +but to acknowledge that I had no immediate means of payment. In other +words, that my person was entirely at the disposal of himself and the +law. I might have reminded him that more than half of my debt was +incurred by _genteel presents_ to his craving electors; and that he +had informed me that it was a necessary expence: but to this I could +not condescend. + +The little business which, during his life, Mr. Evelyn had in law +Mr. Hilary had always transacted. He had a sincere regard for me, +and a reverence for the memory of his late kinsman; whose earnest +recommendation of me he did not forget. Being well acquainted with the +character of Lord Bray, he foresaw and warned me of my danger. While +a baronet, to behold himself a peer had been his lordship's darling +passion: but that was now gratified; and, as he was proud, he was +likewise revengeful. In this case, however, to warn was useless. I had +no alternative, except by means that were dishonorable. + +Nor was the resentment of Lord Bray single, or so much to be +apprehended as that of the Earl, with whom he had entered into strict +alliance. My behaviour to Lord Idford had uniformly been what he +deemed so very insolent that his antipathy may be said to have taken +birth at my first act of disobedience: my refusal to dine at the +second table. Since then, as he conceived, it had been progressive in +aggravation. My scorn of his selfish politics, my attempt to continue +the Letters of Themistocles, and write him who was the supposed author +of them into disgrace, the pamphlet of which I was the author, the +activity with which I had canvassed in favour of Mowbray, and to sum +up all my daring to rival him with the woman on whom he would have +conferred his person, his dignity, and his other great qualities, were +all of them injuries that rankled at his heart. When these things are +remembered, few will feel surprised that the Earl should indulge a +passion which is in itself so active: or that he should induce Lord +Bray to pursue that kind of conduct to which he was already so much +disposed. + +The danger however must be faced; and Mr. Hilary wrote, as my +attorney, to state the circumstances above recited. A week elapsed +before he received an answer: but at the end of that time his +lordship's attorney replied, that personal security for so large a sum +could not be accepted: my bond would be no better than the notes I had +given: and that I was required immediately to pay what was due, to the +estate and heirs of the late Mr. Evelyn. + +The spirit in which this note was written proved the temper of my +creditor; and an incident soon occurred by which his propensity to +persecute was called into action. The scrutiny which Hector had +demanded was over, and decided against him: but, understanding that +there was an absolute breach between me and Lord Bray, Mowbray was +convinced that he had accused me falsely. As he was almost certain +that he could prove bribery and corruption to have been practised by +his opponent, he persisted in determining to bring it before the house +of commons. This business kept him still in the country, where he and +his partisans were busily collecting information. + +He had experienced my utility in the course of the election, he wished +to enjoy the same advantage at present, and he and his committee +likewise discovered that my evidence was essentially necessary. He +therefore wrote me an apology, spoke in the handsomest terms he could +recollect of the services I had done him, requested me to come down +once more to aid him in his present attempt, and stated the points +on which my future testimony would be useful. He further informed me +that a gentleman of the law, whom he named, was to set off the morning +after I should receive the letter, at ten o'clock, and come post; and +that he should be much obliged to me if I would take a seat in the +same chaise. + +The letter was read in the committee room, as a matter of business; +and in this committee room Lord Idford had a secret agent, from whom +he gained intelligence of all their proceedings that deserved notice. + +Desirous as I was of obliging the brother of Olivia, I made no +hesitation to comply. The evening before I was to go down into +*****, I went to Mr. Hilary; to acquaint him with the place of my +destination, and the manner in which he might direct to me, if any +thing new should occur. The agents of Lord Bray, or to speak more +truly of the Earl, had been exceedingly industrious; and a writ was +already procured. It was intended to take me as I stepped into the +chaise, or that evening if possible, and accordingly the door where +I lived was watched, and I was seen to come out. My usual pace was +brisk, but I happened now to be in haste; and, as they told me +themselves, the setters lost sight of me for some time, were afterward +cautious of coming up to me in any public street where a rescue was +probable, and followed me till I came almost to the door of Mr. +Hilary. + +Here there was a carriage standing; and, to my great surprise and joy, +I saw Mr. Hilary with a light, conducting out the very person whom I +had some time before discovered in the pit, and whom I now knew to be +the wounded stranger. + +I hesitated whether I ought to spring forward, and intrude my +enquiries immediately upon him, or make them of Mr. Hilary, with whom +it appeared he was acquainted; and, at this instant, the bailiff and +his two men came up with me, and told me I was their prisoner. + +While I stood astonished at this sudden and at that precise time +unexpected event, the carriage with the stranger in it drove away; and +Mr. Hilary shut the door without seeing me. + +There is a sense of indignity and disgrace in being arrested, at which +all those who have not been frequently subjected to it revolt. I was +wholly ignorant of the manners of the people who had laid their hands +upon me. I had heard of giving bail: but I had likewise heard that it +was a thing of danger, to which men were generally averse; and I had +a bitter repugnance to ask any thing which I thought it was likely +should be refused. Neither had I any probable person to ask: for my +little law reading had taught me that the sureties of a debtor must be +house-keepers. + +Unwilling therefore to trouble Mr. Hilary, and finding myself without +resource, I desired the bailiff to take me wherever he pleased, or +wherever the law directed. 'I suppose, Sir, you do not mean we should +take you to jail?' said the bailiff. + +Ignorant as I was and surprised at the question, I asked where else +they meant to take me? He replied 'To my house, Sir: or to any other +lock up house that you choose.' + +'A lock up house, Sir!' said I. 'Pray what is that?' + +The bailiff knew not how to give a direct answer; but replied 'There +_is_ some lock up houses at which a gentleman may be treated like a +gentleman: though I cannot say but there _is_ others that _is_ shabby +enough. I see very well, Sir, you are a young gentleman, and do not +know the trim of such things: so, if you please to go to my house, you +will find very civil usage. I can tell by your cut, Sir, that you are +no scrub; so my wife will take care to furnish you with every thing +that is genteel and polite.' + +The man smelled excessively of brandy and tobacco; which, +corresponding with his gait, looks, and language, seemed an +introduction to the purgatory to which I was doomed. I thought proper +however to accept his offer, and go to the house where I was to be +treated with so much politeness and gentility. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +_The good breeding of a bailiff: A period of dejection: A visit from +Mr. Hilary: The hopes he conceives_ + + +The bailiff and one of his followers walked beside me, cautiously +keeping in advance; and the other marched behind till we came to +a stand of coaches, and I was asked whether one of them should be +called? I was thoroughly ashamed of my company: but a deep sense +of indignity confuses thought; and, till it was proposed by the +bailiff, I had forgotten that there was such a thing as a coach. +His proposal was immediately accepted; and we were driven through +Lincoln's-inn-fields into Carey-street, where we were obliged to +alight and pass through several narrow allies. + +I had no great expectations of the gentility of the bailiff's abode: +but, slender as they were, the few I had were disappointed. I was +wholly unused to such places: this I suspect was one of the meanest of +them; and the approach to the house, as well as all that was in it, +bespoke wretchedness, and inspired disgust. + +As soon as we entered the doors, the bailiff called aloud for +Charlotte (the name of his wife) and desired her to bring light +into the drawing room. 'Why what do you talk of, George?' replied +Charlotte. 'Are you drunk? Don't you know the gentleman is there that +you brought in this morning?' + +'Do you think I don't know what I am about?' answered George. 'I have +brought another gentleman: so that there gentleman must come down, and +_hoik_ into the best parlour.' + +'I am sure,' retorted Charlotte with great vivacity and significance, +'he has behaved vastly proper, since he came into my house. He has had +friends with him all afternoon; and dined, and called for wine, and +done every thing that was genteel.' + +Though half in a trance, I was sufficiently awake to understand her +meaning. I therefore interrupted the bailiff, who had begun to reply +with passion. 'You are very right, Madam;' said I. 'The gentleman must +not be disturbed. I have no friends that drink wine; and I drink none +myself.' + +This hint was quite sufficient. Neither the drawing room nor the best +parlour were now to be had; and I was shewn into a dirty back place, +which was little more than a closet, decorated with a wooden cut of +Lord Lovat over the mantle piece, and corresponding pictures of the +king and queen on each side. + +Before she shut the door, Charlotte demanded 'if I chose to have some +more coals on the fire? And whether I would have two candles or one?' +'Whatever you please madam,' I replied. 'Nay, sir,' said she pertly, +'that is just as you please.' I made no answer, and she shut the door +with a dissatisfied air; which she locked on the outside. + +At any other time, this George and Charlotte, with their drawing-room, +would have presented many whimsical associations to my mind: but at +present my attention was called to the iron bars of the one window of +my prison hole; and to the recollection that, in all probability, I +was now shut up for life. The weight of evil was so oppressive that I +sat motionless, in sullen stupefaction, for a considerable time. + +Hearing no sound whatever, the bailiff I suppose was alarmed: for he +unlocked the door, and coming in abruptly exclaimed 'Oh! I thought it +could not be!' Meaning probably that I could not possibly have escaped +through the window. Recollecting himself, he asked 'if I did not think +proper to send to some friends?' To which I laconically answered, +'No.' + +'But I suppose you mean to give bail, sir?' + +'I have none to give.' + +'I perceive how it is, sir. You are not used to the business; and so +you are cast down. You must bethink yourself: for I dare say a young +gentleman like you will find bail fast enough; _becase_ why, the sum +is not quite four hundred and forty pounds. We have people enough +_which_ will go of any message for you; so I would advise you to send, +though it is late; _becase_, as you _says_ you don't drink, there will +be no good much in your staying here. Not but what we have as good +beds, and as good wines and all sorts of liquors, and can get any +thing else as good as a gentleman needs lick his lips to. There _is_ +never _no_ complaints at our house. So you had better take my advice, +and cheer up your spirits; and get a little something good in your +belly, in the way of eating and drinking; and send to let your +friends know as how you are _nabbed_: _becase_ nothing can come of it +otherwise, neither to you nor _no_body else.' + +His discourse awakened me enough to remind me of the necessity of +sending to the gentleman, with whom I had intended to travel the next +day, and inform him of the impossibility of my taking the journey. +This led me to reflect further. The remark of the bailiff was just: +delay was prejudicial. What had happened could not be kept secret, +secrecy was in itself vicious, and to increase evil by procrastination +was cowardly. Thus far roused, I presently conceived and determined +on my plan. I saw no probability of avoiding a prison: but, being in +this house, I was resolved first to see my friends. I had already sold +my horses, and discharged my servant. Clarke, I knew, would reproach +me, if I did not accept his goods offices in my distress; when such +good offices as he could perform would be most necessary. I intended +therefore to request him the next morning to go round and inform such +of my friends as I wished to see: but, as the bailiff told me it +would be proper to send for my attorney immediately, I thought proper +to dispatch a messenger; with one note to him, and another to the +gentleman with whom I was to have travelled. + +Mr. Hilary was at home and came instantly on the receipt of my billet. +When he saw me, he endeavoured to smile; and not appear in the least +surprised, or affected. But his feelings betrayed him; the tears +started into his eyes, and he was obliged to turn away his face. He +made an effort, however, and recovered himself: after which, he rather +endeavoured to enter into easy conversation than to talk of business. +By this I suspected that he neither durst trust himself nor me; till a +little time should have reconciled us to the scene. + +This was a proper opportunity for enquiries which my sudden misfortune +had not made me forget. I questioned him concerning the stranger, +whose person I described; and mentioned my having seen Mr. Hilary +light him out of the house, the moment before I was arrested. + +'What do you know of him?' said Mr. Hilary, with an eager air. 'Have +you ever seen him before?' + +'Yes; if I am not very much mistaken.' + +'Nay but tell me, what do you know?' + +'First answer me concerning who and what he is?' + +'A gentleman of large fortune, the last of his family, and a great +traveller.' + +'Has he met with any accident lately?' + +'Yes. But why do you ask?' + +'And why do you seem so much awakened by the question?' + +'Because he is excessively desirous of discovering some gentleman, who +found him after he had been robbed, and left, supposed to be dead; +that he may if possible reward his preserver. Now there are some +circumstances, as related by the people of an inn to which he was +taken, that have suggested a thought to me which, should it prove +true, would give me inexpressible pleasure.' + +'What are they?' + +'That the good Samaritan, who performed this act of humanity, was a +young gentleman with a servant out of livery; that he and his man +rode two blood horses, both bright bays; that the servant's name was +Samuel; and that the master was in person very like you. All which +correspond; and I really believe, by your smiling, that it actually +was you.' + +'Suppose it: what then?' + +'Why then I am sure you have gained a friend, who will never suffer +you to go to prison.' + +The word friend conjured up a train of ideas, which almost overcame +me. 'I have lost a friend,' said I, 'who would not have suffered me to +go to prison. But he is gone. I accepted even _his_ favours with an +aching and unwilling heart; and prison itself will not, I suspect, be +so painful to me as more obligations of the same kind, and conferred +by a person who, though I am strongly prepossessed in his favour, I +scarcely can hope should equal Mr. Evelyn. And, if he even did, an +extravagant supposition, I should still hesitate: I doubt if a prison +itself be so hateful as a knowledge that I am only out of one on +sufferance; and that, when any caprice shall seize my creditor, I may +be hunted like a ferocious beast; and commanded to my den, like a +crouching cur. + +Mr. Hilary endeavoured to combat this train of thinking: but it was +not to be conquered. The short period of trial since the death of +Mr. Evelyn had afforded me too many proofs of the painful sensations +which such a knowledge can excite; and of the propensity which I had +to give them encouragement. To be as I have said the slave of any +man's temper, not as an effort of duty but from a sense of fear, was +insufferable. A prison, locks, bolts, and bread and water, were to be +preferred. + +Mr. Hilary sat with me till bed time; and, not only to put the bailiff +in good humour, but to cheer my heart and his own, ordered supper, +and drank more plentifully of wine than was his custom: urging me to +follow his example. I did not refuse: for I had a contempt for any +thing that had the appearance of an incapacity to endure whatever the +tyranny of rancorous men and unjust laws could inflict. The stranger, +he told me, was gone down into the country; from whence he would +return within a week: but he forbore to mention his name, as he had +been instructed; the stranger having enquiries to make, which induced +him to keep it secret. + +Before he left me, Mr. Hilary received instructions from me to be +given to Clarke: after which we quitted the best parlour, into which +we had been introduced with great ceremony to sup; and I retired to +try how soundly I could sleep, in one of the good beds of a lock-up +house. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + +_Morning visitors: A generous proposal rejected: The affectionate +friendship of Miss Wilmot: A very unexpected visitor: His +extraordinary conduct, and a scene of reconciliation: A letter which +excites delightful sensations_ + + +The morning came, the diligence of Mr. Hilary was that of a friend, +and the best parlour was soon filled: the reader will easily guess by +whom. There is an undescribable pleasure, when we are persecuted by +one set of human beings, to receive marks of affection from another. +It is a strong consolation to know that kindness and justice have not +wholly forsaken the earth. + +Wilmot, Clarke, and Turl were with me. I called for breakfast; and +felt a gratification at enjoying another social meal, before being +immured in I knew not what kind of dungeon. Charlotte and her maid, +Pol, were very alert; and I believe she almost repented that I was not +in the drawing-room, since she found I had so many friends. + +Clarke was asked to partake; but answered with a 'no thank you, Mr. +Trevor.' I supposed it was awkward bashfulness. I did him wrong. He +had a more refined and feeling motive: for, when I pressed him very +earnestly, he replied--'At another time, Mr. Trevor, such a favour +would make me happy; and you know I have not refused: but, just now, +why it would look as if, because you are under misfortunes, I might +take liberties.' + +Honest-hearted generous fellow! He was still the same. But he +breakfasted with us. Be assured, good reader, he breakfasted with us. + +And now I had a contest to undergo, which was maintained with so much +obstinacy that it became truly painful. Wilmot, in consequence of the +success of his comedy, had the power to discharge my debt; and on this +at first he peremptorily insisted. But it was what I could not accept. +He was, I knew, an Evelyn in soul: but I too panted to be something. +I could not endure to rob him of the labour of a life, and walk at +large oppressed by the consciousness of impotence: of a depressed and +sunken spirit; of which groveling meanness would be the chief feature. +Such at least were my sensations: and they were too impetuous to be +overcome. + +In the ardour we mutually felt, Turl was appealed to by both. At +first he strongly inclined to the side of Wilmot: but, hearing my +reasons and perceiving the anguish which the proposal gave, he at +length said--'Let us pause awhile. We are friends. Imprisonment is a +detestable thing; and there is no danger that, as friends, we should +suffer each other to endure it long, if there should be any possible +and honest means of imparting freedom. We need make no professions. In +one part of his argument, Mr. Trevor is undoubtedly right. If he can +relieve himself, by his abilities and industry, which he is persuaded +he can, it is his duty. For it will not only increase his immediate +happiness, but it will give confidence to his efforts, and strength +to his mind: qualities that are inestimable. Impediments serve but to +rouse the man of genius. To reject aid from a sentiment of haughtiness +is a vice: but to despair of our own resources is the death of all +true greatness of character. In any case, suspend your contest; in +which, though from the best of motives, you are both too warm. Examine +your arguments at leisure. If Mr. Trevor can be rendered most happy +and useful by accepting your offer, it will then be just in him to +cede: but remember once more we are friends, that know each other's +worth; and it will be just that I should partake in his release. To +this I know you will both joyfully consent. If good can be done, you +will not deny me my share!' + +It was characteristic of Turl never to speak on serious occasions +without leaving a deep impression on his hearers. Wilmot heaved a +profound sigh, but was silent. + +Having thus far prevailed, I was desirous of being immediately removed +to prison: but to this they both vehemently objected. It had an air of +ostentation: of affecting to love misery for misery's sake. Time ought +to be taken for consideration; and evil should not be sported with, +though when unavoidable it ought to be endured with fortitude. + +While these debates took place, it was no uninteresting spectacle +to contemplate the changes in the countenance of Clarke. Before +the adventure of Bath, he had risen much above the level of his +companions: but now, when he saw a man willing to part with all he +possessed to rescue another from prison, and heard strong reasons why +it was probable the offer ought not to be accepted, his feelings were +all in arms. His passions, while Wilmot pleaded, were ready to break +their bounds; and, when he listened to the answers that were returned, +his mind was filled and expanded. He discovered that there is a +disinterested grandeur in morality, of which he had no previous +conception. He was in a new world; and a dark room, with barred +windows, was heaven in all its splendor. + +Having agreed to follow their advice, Wilmot and Turl left me; with a +promise to return early in the evening: but poor Clarke said 'he had +no heart for work that day; and he could not abide to leave me shut +up by myself. He saw plainly enough I had true friends; such as would +never forsake me: and no more would he, though he could do me no +good.' When however I represented to him my wish to be alone, that I +might consider on my situation, and requested he would dine with his +family, and bring some books from my lodgings in the evening, he +complied. + +The morning of the day was chiefly consumed; and I was not suffered +long to remain alone. I had scarcely dined before a coach stopped at +the door, and Charlotte came in with demure significance in her face. +'There is a young lady, sir,' said she, '_which_ says her name is +Wilmot, _which_ wants to see you.' + +At this moment, she was the most agreeable visitor that could have +arrived. Her heart was full, her eyes were swollen, and red with +weeping, and, as soon as she entered the room, she again burst into +tears. + +It has often been asked why sorrows like these should excite so much +gratification? The answer is evident. They are not only tokens of +personal respect and affection, but they are proofs that injustice +cannot be committed without being perceptibly and often deeply felt by +others, as well as by those on whom it is exercised. + +When she had appeased her feelings sufficiently to be able to speak, I +found that, like her brother, she was come with a disinterested plan +for my relief. She began by blaming herself for not having strenuously +enough opposed my forbearance with respect to Wakefield; and pleaded +with great energy of feeling to persuade me immediately to do myself +right. I took the first favourable opportunity to interrupt her; and +enquired if she had seen or heard any thing of Wakefield since the +letter he wrote? She answered, he had been with her above an hour that +very morning. + +'In what temper of mind was he?' + +'Extremely exasperated.' + +'Not at you?' + +'Oh no: at Lord Bray: at your persecutors: at the world in general. He +says you are not fit to live in it: you are no match for it. You have +been persuading him, contrary to all history and experience, that men +are capable of virtue and happiness. In short, he owns that he was +more than half convinced: but that he believes he shall be obliged to +relapse into his former opinions.' + +'I have persuaded him?' + +'So he says.' + +'When? Where?' + +'I cannot tell. I thought from his discourse that he had met with +you.' + +While we were engaged in this conversation, Charlotte again entered; +and told me there was a gentleman of the name of Wakefield, who +desired to see me. 'Is it possible?' exclaimed Miss Wilmot. + +The door opened, and he appeared. 'Belmont!' cried I, with surprise. +'Why did you announce yourself by the name of Wakefield?' + +He stretched out his hand to me, and turned his face aside: then +recovering himself replied 'The farce is over.' + +'What do you mean?' + +'That I suppose you will despise me. But do, if you please: for, +though I love you, I too despise to fear you. I have done you various +wrongs. My name is Wakefield. I have been one of the infernal +instruments to bring you here: but I am come to make you all the +atonement in my power, and take you out. Forgive me only so far as not +to insult me, by repeating your contempt of that villain Wakefield. +It is a damned undigestible term: but I deserved it; and you applied +it to me without intending an affront. I know you are as brave as you +are generous. Till I met with you, I thought myself the first man in +the world: but, notwithstanding my evasive raillery, I felt your hand +upon me. I sunk under you. There was something in you that excited my +envy, at first; and afterward, perhaps, a better passion. What damned +accidents they were that made me what I have been I cannot tell. I +know not what I shall be: but I know what I am. I disdain penitential +promises. If you will be my friend, here is my hand. Good fortune or +bad, we will share it together.' + +Thus invited, could I refrain? Oh no. I cannot describe the scene +that passed. We did not embrace, for we were no actors; and, as our +passions for a time were too big for utterance, we were silent. + +Miss Wilmot at length looked up; and, while the tears were streaming +down her cheeks, her countenance assumed an expression infinitely +beyond smiling, though something like it, while she exclaimed--'This +is a happy day!' + +Her eye first met mine, and then Wakefield's. He instantly hung his +head, and said--'Lydia! When we were alone, I could just endure to +look at you: but now I cannot. Yet I am an ass. What is done is done. +The affections that I have are yours: but I must not, no nor I will +not be afraid, even of my own thoughts. I know I have nothing to fear +from you. Man is a strange animal; and may be many things in the +course of a short life.' + +Wakefield then rang the bell, and desired the bailiff would send +immediately to Lord Bray's attorney; that my debts might be settled, +and I released; and to call, as he knew they must for form's sake, and +see that there were no more detainers. + +Hearing him give these directions, I could not but ask his meaning? +'What,' replied he, with generous indignation, 'do you suppose that I +am come to cant about virtue? That, at least, is a vice of which you +have never yet found me guilty. I am here to pay your debts, with +money in my possession. Whether, in a court of law, it would be proved +to be yours or mine I neither know nor care. But there is something +better that I do know: which is that, if I were in your place and you +in mine, you would not long let me remain in a house like this. With +respect to the future, I am partly persuaded we shall neither of us +act the miser.' + +Miss Wilmot again exclaimed--'This is a happy day!' + +Wakefield was impatient to see me released; and was well acquainted +with bailiffs. 'If you are expeditious,' said he to George, 'you will +have a guinea for your industry. If you are dilatory, not a farthing +more than your fees.' + +The promised guinea gave the messenger wings; and in less than an hour +the debt was discharged, and a receipt in full delivered. + +Just as this account was closed, another messenger came from a +different quarter. The anxiety of Miss Wilmot had induced her to take +a bold step. In the first emotions of grief, she wrote to Olivia; and +informed her of every circumstance, as well as of the place of my +detention. This information produced the following letter, and the +bills inclosed; as mentioned in its contents. + +'I have no words to speak my feelings. I have never yet had an +opportunity, since I thought the love I bear you justifiable, to +declare them. This is the time. To be silent now would argue a +distrust of you, which would degrade me; and render me unworthy both +of you and the dignified virtues by which your conduct is guided. +Every new fact that I hear of you does but increase that affection; +which I find ennobled by being so worthily placed. After the proofs +you have so repeatedly given, it would be cowardice and hypocrisy to +say less. + +'I inclose you five hundred pounds. They are my own. I would sooner +even see you suffer than be guilty of an action which I know you could +not approve. They are what I have reserved, from money allowed me, +to be employed on any urgent occasion. Surely there can be few more +urgent than the present. Your refusal of them would wound me to the +soul. It would break my heart. I need not add any thing more. + +OLIVIA MOWBRAY.' + +Who will tell me that virtue is not its own reward? Who will affirm +that to conquer selfish desires, to render the passions subservient to +reason, and to make those principles we commend in others rules for +ourselves, is not the way to be happy? The tide of joy was full to +overflowing! And yet, when I recollected that, though no longer a +prisoner it was denied me to obey the yearnings of my heart and pass +the threshold of Olivia, how suddenly did it ebb! + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + + +_A journey to aid Hector once more projected: An interview with the +wounded stranger: A discovery of great importance_ + + +I shall forbear to repeat the joy and congratulations of friends, with +other less events; and hasten to one which gave a more surprising turn +to my affairs than even any that I had yet experienced. The morning +after my release, it was my intention to go down into the county +of ****: agreeable to the desire of Hector. Of this I informed Mr. +Hilary, the evening before: but, as I was become very cautious in +money matters, I meant to go by the coach. + +When he heard this, Mr. Hilary smiled: and told me, if I would go +post, he believed he could find me a companion, who would willingly +bear half the expence. + +I enquired who? and found it was no other than the stranger. He had +been down into Cambridgeshire, to settle some affairs; and was now +preparing for a journey into my native county, for purposes which he +will himself presently explain. A proposal more agreeable than this +could not have been made to me; and it was agreed that we should meet +and breakfast with Mr. Hilary. When I made the appointment, Mr. Hilary +pressed me with unusual earnestness not to be induced to break it, by +any accident whatever. + +The morning came, I was punctual, and the stranger was there. He +had slept at the house of Mr. Hilary. 'This, sir,' said the latter, +presenting me, 'is the young gentleman of whose acquaintance you are +so very desirous.' + +The stranger regarded me earnestly; and, with great emotion in his +countenance, asked--'Are you, sir, the humane person, who found me +almost expiring; and by whose care I am now among the living?' + +'I hope, sir, you do not think there was any thing extraordinary in +what I did?' + +'I wish I had not reason so to think. How many there are who, from +mean and selfish motives, would have passed me I cannot say: but there +are few indeed that would have discharged the office you undertook +with so much unaffected and generous benevolence. I am in your debt, +sir, not only for my recovery, for which I can never repay you, but +literally for money expended. I shall forbear thanks, for I have none +that are adequate; but suffer me to rid myself of petty obligations.' + +'I understand, sir, that you are rich, and I am not. I therefore +inform you, without hesitation, I left twenty pounds with the +physician.' + +'You may well suppose that I returned, after my recovery, to enquire +for my preserver. I was then informed of your whole proceedings; and +of the anxiety with which, after your journey, you came to complete +the charitable office you had begun. And I own, sir, that I was so +desirous of seeing a person who, in the very fervour of youth, could +act and feel as you have done that, one excepted, you are the man on +earth I am most happy to meet.' + +'Mr. Hilary tells me that we are to be travelling companions.' + +'Most willingly. I have long been a wanderer, and am lately returned +to end my days in my native land. During my absence, the elder +branches of my family are all deceased. I brought back with me more +than sufficient for my own wants: but their property has descended to +me, and I now very unexpectedly find myself wealthy.' + +'And have you no descendants, sir?' + +'None. I am at present in search of a distant relation: whom if I +should find, and find him such as my present hopes and past knowledge +have pictured him, I shall be one of the happiest of men. To make this +and another enquiry is the purpose of the journey I now mean to take. +When I left England, I had no intention ever to return: I therefore +resolved to hold no correspondence with the persons whom I have left; +that I might not revive the memory of scenes and events which had been +full of anguish. By accident, about eighteen months ago, being then at +Grand Cairo I was informed that a person of my family had long been +dead. This determined me to settle my concerns abroad, and revisit my +native country. As however my informer spoke only from report, I am +desirous, before I make myself known, to verify this fact. I have my +reasons; which, from what I have said, you may suspect to be those of +resentment. But not so; they are only what I conceive to be necessary +precautions. Acrimony and anger have long since died away; and I have +but too much cause to condemn those actions of my life in which they +were indulged. The relation, whom I hope to find, I may unfortunately +discover to be more likely to misuse the wealth, that has devolved to +me by the death of the elder branches of my family, than to make it a +blessing to himself and others. It is true he is not my heir at law. I +have no heir: what I possess is at my own disposal. But he was once my +greatest favourite: and I would avoid any action that should excite +hopes which it might be weakness and vice in me to gratify.' + +This short narrative was not merely delivered with a serious air; but +it was accompanied with somewhat of a plaintive tone, that rendered +the venerable stranger unusually interesting. It likewise excited +various wild yet not impossible conjectures in my mind, which made me +very eager to pursue the discourse. Mr. Hilary, whose mind had been +full of conjectures mingled with doubt, had not informed him of my +name. + +'Is the person,' said I, 'in search of whom you mean to take this +journey young, or old?' + +'About four and twenty. He was the son of my wife's sister; therefore +my relation only by marriage. He was certainly the most extraordinary +child I ever beheld. I cannot recollect him but with inconceivable +emotions of affection. Of all the sportive little creatures I ever +met with, he was the most active, the most undaunted, and the most +winning. Heaven bless the sweet boy! He was my delight. My eyes +overflow whenever I recall to mind the feats of his childhood, which +can never be long forgotten by me. My wife and her sister had been at +variance, and the first time I saw him was at a fair; when he was not +five years old. I found him placed on a table, where he stood reading +the newspaper to country farmers; who were collected round him, and +hearing him with astonishment. They seemed to doubt if he could +possibly be a child, born of a woman; and were more inclined to think +him a supernatural being. His flaxen curly hair, his intelligent eyes, +his rosy cheeks, his strong and proportioned limbs, and his cheerful +animated countenance, rendered him the most beautiful and most +endearing of human creatures. The discriminating sensibility which he +displayed was enchanting. Oh should he be living, should I find him, +and should he be at present all that his infancy promised, God of +heaven and earth! I should expire. The pleasure would be too mighty +for my years. But, should I survive it, I should once again before I +die feel the animating fervor of youth.' + +I listened in amazement. I was not then acquainted with all the +incidents of my childhood so perfectly as, by hearing them repeated, +I since have been: but I knew enough of them to be persuaded the +discourse that I had heard could relate only to me. I paused. I gazed. +My eyes were riveted upon the narrator. At length I exclaimed--'What I +have just heard, sir, has excited very strange ideas. They seem almost +impossible: and yet I am persuaded they are true. Pardon a question +which I cannot refrain to ask. Surely I cannot be mistaken! Your name +is Elford?' + +'Sir!' + +'You are my--' + +'Speak! Go on! What am I?' + +'My uncle!' + +'Heavens! Mr. Trevor! Is that your name?' + +'It is.' + +'Oh! God! Oh! God! Oh! God!--Hugh! Little Hugh! My boy! My sweet boy!' + +Mr. Elford was almost overcome. In a moment he again cried--'My +saviour too! Still the same! Courageous, humane, generous! All that my +soul could desire! Oh shield me, deliver me from this excess of joy!' + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + + +_The conclusion_ + + +One event only excepted, little remains to be told of my story; and +that one is doubtless anticipated by the imagination of the reader. +To describe the enquiries that passed between me and my uncle, the +various fortunes we had encountered, and the feelings they excited, +would be to write his history and tediously repeat my own. My +difficulties now disappeared. I was the acknowledged heir of a man +of great wealth: therefore, I myself am become a great man. Heaven +preserve me from becoming indolent, proud, and oppressive! I have +not yet forgotten that oppression exists, that pride is its chief +counsellor, that activity and usefulness are the sacred duties of both +rich and poor, that the wealth entrusted to my distribution is the +property of those whom most it can benefit, that I am a creature of +very few wants, but that those few in others as well as in myself are +imperious, and that I have felt them in all their rigour. Neither +have I yet shut my doors on one of my former friends. But I am +comparatively young in prosperity. How long I shall be able to +persevere in this eccentric conduct time must tell. At present I must +proceed, and mention the few remaining circumstances with which the +reader may wish to be acquainted. + +After my uncle had heard me describe Olivia, and mention the motives +which induced me to wish to aid her brother, he immediately determined +on taking the journey we had before proposed. We neither of us wished +to separate. Robust in 'a green old age,' he had no fear of fatigue +from travelling this distance; and it would be a pleasure to revisit, +in my company, scenes which would bring my former sports and pranks to +his recollection. He heard from me a confirmation of the death of Mrs. +Elford; and heard it with the same tokens of melancholy in his face +which he had betrayed, when he spoke of her himself. + +That I should have wished before I took this journey, short as it was, +to have seen Olivia, related all my good fortune and partaken in the +pleasure it would excite in her, may well be imagined: but forms, +and delicacies, and I know not what habitual feelings, forbad me the +enjoyment of this premature bliss. I wrote however, and not only to +her but to those tried and invaluable friends who were not to be +neglected. + +We found Hector in a lamentable state. Instead of the bluff robust +form, which but shortly before he had worn, his limbs were shrunk, his +cheeks formerly of a high red were wan and hollow, his voice was gone, +his lungs were affected, and his cough was incessant. He had himself +at last begun to think his life in danger; and was preparing to return +to town for advice: consequently our stay was short. His reception +of me however was friendly. The increasing debility which he felt +softened his manners; and, when he understood the good fortune that +had befallen me, he seemed sincerely to rejoice. + +And now let me request the reader to call to mind, not only my first +emotions of love for Olivia, and the violence of the passion that +preyed upon me while struggling between hope and despair, but those +late testimonies of affection, such as a mind so dignified as hers +could bestow; and then let him imagine what our meeting must be. +Should he expect me to describe her, such as she was and is, in all +her attractions, all her beauties, and all her various excellence, he +expects an impossible task. To be beloved by her, to be found worthy +of her, and to call her mine, are blessings that infinitely exceed +momentary rapture: they are lasting and indubitable happiness. + +I know not if it will give him pleasure to be told that, could I +have delighted in revenge, I might have satiated myself with that +unworthy and destructive passion. The committee, appointed to decide +on the election, voted the Idford candidate guilty of bribery and +corruption. The fortune of the Earl, like that of Hector, has suffered +depredations which half a century will probably not repair. The +new-made peer and his party daily became so obnoxious to the nation, +by the destructive tendency of their measures, that they were and +continue to be haunted by terrors that deprive them of the faculties +common to man. My heart bears witness for me that I do not speak this +in triumph. I should be no less vicious than unworthy, could I triumph +in the misfortunes of any human being: but I were a wretch indeed, +were I to make mistakes that are the scourge of mankind a subject of +exultation. + +Must I repeat more names? Is it necessary to say the virtues of Turl +and Wilmot are too splendid to need my praise: or that my social hours +are most beneficially and delightfully spent in their society? That +I have amply provided for the generous-minded Clarke? That Philip is +once more the good and faithful servant of a kind mistress? That Mary +and her son are equally objects of my attention? And that I do not +mean to boast of these things as acts of munificence: but as the +performance of duties? + +This were unnecessary. Neither shall I be required to particularize +the present happiness of Lydia, now Mrs. Wakefield; and of that man of +brilliant and astonishing faculties who is her affectionate companion +and friend, and from whose exertions, if I am not strangely mistaken, +the world has so much to profit and so much to expect. Like me, he is +in the enjoyment of affluence; and he enjoys it with a liberal and +munificent spirit. Are there any who hate him, because he once was +guilty of hateful crimes? I hope not. It is a spirit that would sweep +away half the inhabitants of the 'peopled earth.' For my own part, I +delight in his conversation, am enlivened by his wit, and prompted to +enquiry by the acuteness of his remarks. He is a man whom I am proud +to say I love. + +I have told my tale. If it should afford instruction, if it should +inspire a love of virtue, briefly, if it should contribute to the +happiness of mankind, I shall have gained my purpose. My labours will +be most richly rewarded. + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE ADVENTURES OF HUGH TREVOR *** + +This file should be named 8htrv10.txt or 8htrv10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 8htrv11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 8htrv10a.txt + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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